Archive of Our Own ^beta

Long days of work were never normal at a certain place, they could never be considering they're legal force in a world with special abilities. They were used to lots of things! Random mafia attacks, a furry and a suicidal maniac in their team, a 26 year old autistic detective who knows everything just by breathing... 

It’s a well known fact among people residing in Yokohama that if you’re in the Armed Detective Agency you’re in for a wild ride and a life that’s anything but peaceful. It’s not something to be questioned, as even one of the newest ADA members, the weretiger, has been shaken to his core and permanently changed without even being part of it for a year.

The point is, the Armed Detective Agency was always chaotic, that's for sure! That's their normalcy, that's how they bond, however, it's not welcomed when people outside of the ADA begin to be aggressive towards a member, which is why everyone was startled into standing up and pulling out their guns the moment they saw the gravity manipulator AKA the most powerful ability user in Yokohama angrily kick his way in the office.

Those with guns in their possession opened fire once he began to walk his way towards a specific desk, one with his so-called rival who was once his partner. All bullets fired found themselves a centimeter away from hitting the red head, halfway to his destination he stopped and glared towards Kunikida, who was the one firing the most and yelled

"Can you fucking stop?! This is none of the concern of any of you!"

Unfortunately for him, the white haired orphan stood in front of his destined desk, only pissing him off even further. He stepped towards him, touched him and sent him flying towards the other side of the room, hardly but not enough to hurt him (even more so when he was caught by the farmer) while simultaneously speaking.

"Out of the way, tiger boy."

Everyone was already thinking they'd lost as the mafioso threw the stack of undone work on the demon prodigy's desk and slammed his hands on the table, leaving him looking straight into his dead-inside-kind-of-outside eyes with a pissed look.

"Three fucking days, Dazai. Three goddamn days. What is wrong with you?" 

"I have no idea what you mean, slug. Has that hat of yours finally shrunk your brain?"

"I was gone for three. days. On a mission,” 

His voice became louder as he specified the time he was gone for.

“I come back to our house and all of the food is untouched. Just why do I need to shove food down your throat for you to eat?" 

By now, some eyebrows were raised at the 'our house' and the seeming domesticity of such an argument.

"I'm built differently, Chuuya~ You know I'm okay!" 

But no beats were missed before he shot back  "You look like a sick Victorian child, Dazai. What the fuck do you mean." 

A pair of dark eyes rolled, a few seconds of silence ensued.

"You're coming with me and you're eating three days worth of food." 

With that, the redhead walked around the desk and put the taller one who kept whining incoherent sentences on his shoulder and carried him. It's not like he reached the door though.

Right before reaching the door which would lead a brunette to skipping work with what, to him, was a high price, Kunikida stopped the duo and spoke:

"What is going on here?! Don't just barge in with no explanation and pull this!" 

The travel-sized 22 year old moved his eyes up and down, trying to figure out who the genuine fuck was standing in front of him. Eventually he realized he wasn’t going out any time soon and put the brunette on his feet.

“I don’t owe you an explanation for taking care of my husband, move.”

Jaws dropped, eyes widened, silence loud enough for a pin dropping being able to be heard. It’s not like that lasted to long though, after all, chaos took over the ADA’s office once again a few seconds later as everyone started simultaneously screaming and someone (cough cough, Yosano, cough cough) stood up amidst the confusion and started shaking Ranpo by the shoulders as he screamed to be let go.

“Wh- ho- whe- huh?!”

Kunikida spat out miserable attempts at questions, earning a harsh look from the mafioso and an amused one from the detective but no questions were answered, they didn’t have time to before the doctor gently moved (read: violently pushed) the former teacher and got all up in the now revealed couple and asked:

“How long?!”

“Since Dazai left the mafia, we got kinda drunk one night and ended up getting married..”

“Where are the rings?!”

The red head took off the glove that was put on one of his hands, revealing a ring. The brunette pulled out a chain that laid under his shirt, the chain had a ring. Yosano was ready to blow up at the sight of both rings which happened to be black, fitting for the so-called devastating rivals going by the name of double black.

“How long did you date?!”

“Six years, since we were sixteen.. there was a time we kissed when we were fifteen though-”

“Dazai, we promised to never speak of it again. Shut the fuck up.”

“How did the confession go?!”

“There wasn’t one.”

“..What the fuck do you- Dazai what is he talking about.”

“It just kinda happened, one day we weren’t dating and then we were. In fact, we didn’t realize until Hirotsu pointed it out.”

The doctor put a hand over her mouth and walked away in disbelief at the idiocy of the two and most definitely didn’t go straight to Ranpo to gossip.. and gave him 150 yen?- Did they bet on if they were dating?- Kunikida took this as a chance to go back to his own questions.

“Why are you two dating people from a rival organization?! Nakahara, didn’t you hate Dazai?!”

Instead of actually doing it, the brunette simply said “Sigh..” an obvious fake tear came from his eye when he shot back a “Kunikida hates gay people! He's homophobic! I can’t believe you, Kunikida!”

The alleged homophobe stuttered as he tried to explain that that’s not the problem at all, but rather their conflicting work positions.

“It’s fine we… I get it. To answer your questions, I do hate him.”

“But then why are you married?!”

“Because I love him? Isn’t it obvious?”

“Didn’t you just say you hate him?!”

“Because I do hate him.”

By this point the blonde was curled up in a corner and crying out of genuine fear. The weretiger continued his legacy,

“He has a point, how did you hide that you were dating an enemy?”

“We didn’t, you just never asked and mackerel over here insisted on not saying anything to fuck you up once it came out.”

The red head spared a glance at the guy on the floor having a meltdown.

“...It worked.”

Once again, the brunette was thrown over the smaller man’s shoulder. He waved and was carried out to their house.

★☆★

The couple was laying on the couch watching some argentinian show they found by the name “El Encargado” after Dazai was force-fed the promised three days of food (not without whining, of course), the brunette’s head against the lap of the mafioso whose hand was intertwined between brown locks.

“Chiara is such a bitch what the fuck..”

Dazai let out a laugh in agreement before turning his head away from the TV and towards his husband in silent admiration. It took the red head a hot minute to realize he was being watched due to being invested in the show.

No words were said, none were necessary. With the weird telepathy thing soukoku has going on Chuuya managed to ask the other why he was getting stares.

“You know you’re really beautiful, right?”

The mafioso playfully hit him in the head with enough force so it didn’t even hurt. a “Shut up..” was uttered.

“Anyway, how come you just show up at my job, yell at me, reveal we’re married and carry me away?”

“Felt like it. Plus, I can’t traumatize my co-workers without Mori finding out so why not traumatize yours?”

A laugh came from the brunette.

“I’m rubbing off on you!~”

“Shut up, no you’re not!”

“Mh… I am though~”

“I’d tell you to kill yourself but your weird ass would probably get off from that.”

“You know me so well!”

“Cool now shut the fuck up this is interesting and you’re making me miss out on it.”

Dazai smiled brightly before standing up and declaring the following:

“I’m going to shit myself, I'll be right back.”

With that, he stood up and left the other on the couch. The proceeded to scream over his shoulder.

“You’re fucking gross I did not need to know that!”