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Chapter Text

The mechanical whirring is lulling Taehyung into a comfortable daze, though he can feel the pin pricks of pain shooting down his hip where the needle marks his skin indelibly. He was the one who had put forth this idea of getting inked. And he also thought of the design, amusement and mirth pulling his lips into a smile as Taehyung remembers the bashfulness writ large on his lover’s face and the bright red colour those ears had turned into.

It only takes twisting his neck to the side to have his beloved in his sight, lying prone on the bed. The inner thigh must be a more painful place to get oneself a tattoo at, but that didn’t deter Taehyung’s love even though he did pout and whine.

In the standing mirror placed next to his bed Taehyung can see the tattoo artist has started inking the initials. As he sees the three letters bloom on his skin he suddenly feels overwhelmed with emotions. 

The tears come unbidden to him.

And as if bound together by an invisible thread which tugs whenever one feels pain or strong emotion, those doe eyes lock with Taehyung’s mirroring his own orbs now filled to the brim.

Amongst all the feelings surging within him, one stands out.

Relief.

Of finally having this precious man beside him. Of having his love reach fulfillment. Of having his heart reciprocated in all its intensity and fervour.

Of being the only one to hold the key to the ardent, warm and benevolent heart of Kim Seokjin.

If one were to ask Taehyung how he accomplished this feat he wouldn’t be able to stop a scoff from leaving his lips.

Years.

He spent long years pining after this man. Languishing in thoughts of despair, assuming he was doomed with the destiny of an unrequited love.

Yet here he is now. And in hindsight Taehyung can see how his feelings were never really unreciprocated. Rather his lover was just, hesitant and scared. 

With the passage of time and having become wise over the years Taehyung finds it in himself to not hold grudges. And hence as he looks back on the decade of being in love with Seokjin to pass time as his tattoo is inked, he isn’t resentful.

Maybe a bit melancholic at having lost so much time, secretly yearning for the other. But they did find each other eventually didn’t they. And in the end that is all that matters.

Taehyung hopes he could let his past self know that there is light in the end of the long dark tunnel he was traversing, seemingly alone and heartbroken.

🌷

If Taehyung were to be questioned regarding his feelings for the oldest of their band, he wouldn’t be able to articulate it well.

Did he have a crush on Seokjin?

No. No it was not a crush. He.. he didn’t know what it was.

He simply adored his Seokjin hyung. So much. He wanted to be next to him, sleep beside him, keep looking at his beautiful face, he just…

Taehyung couldn’t put into words what this emotion is that he felt.

Yet he didn’t realize how his actions gave him away more than his unsure words ever could.

How could the audience and their fans not notice just how excited Taehyung seemed to be for their Blanket Kick performances.

Maybe he just liked the song very much, or the relaxed choreography.

Or maybe he enjoyed the convenient excuse he had been given to manhandle his Seokjin hyung to his heart’s content.

Though in their new album and the performances for their title track he wouldn’t get an opportunity to replicate any such physical gestures this didn’t stop Taehyung.

Maybe he didn’t comprehend how he was looking at Seokjin whenever he sang his lines in I NEED YOU . Because Taehyung is stumped when his hyung actually questioned him about this after they were done with a pre-recording.

He didn’t register how his body moved, as if of its own volition, and faced Seokjin whenever he repeated those words. It was like the most natural thing to him.

When Seokjin didn't get a reply from Taehyung he came to his own conclusion. 

Taehyung must be looking towards the members when he makes that melodic declaration. And that would make sense since that is how Seokjin also feels about their band. They are indeed his everything.

Again Taehyung didn’t give any response and Seokjin wasn’t waiting for one. So he gave him a gentle head pat and went on his way to remove his makeup.

His hand came up to touch his hair where he had felt that warm sensation. It was so fleeting. He wished it had lasted longer.

Taehyung couldn’t make himself agree to the explanation which his hyung gave. But what frustrated him is that he couldn’t, he couldn’t rationalize why. Why his hyung’s reasoning rubbed him the wrong way. Why he so vehemently wanted to refute Seokjin’s claim.

He wanted to say something to the retreating figure of his hyung. Anything.

But he wasn’t able to muster up any words and soon that moment passed. Amidst their busy schedule Taehyung would expect that he would eventually forget he even had such a conversation with Seokjin.

Yet that wasn’t what happened. What he had hoped would transpire.

Instead this moment spurred Taehyung to bring a change in his perspective. He became more self-aware of how he was around his hyung. Though he was the same with Seokjin he couldn’t help but notice his own actions and words.

Something felt off. The difference in how he treated his hyung became pretty evident as the days passed. Taehyung wanted to confide in someone. He wanted to empty his heart and all the unnamed emotions raging inside him.

But he was hesitant. He was scared. And so he preferred to not christen this warmth that engulfed him whenever that lovely smile was directed to him. 

He didn’t want to give wings to the funny feeling in his stomach which was triggered when he was in close proximity to the sweet smelling oldest.

An unexpected offer to work in a historical drama with popular actors couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. 

Amongst the nerve-wracking shoots and unbelievably packed schedules Taehyung found himself richer in friends.

Being older and more experienced than himself, he found it easier to open up to them. And vaguely, he told them about how he was feeling.

Even as young as he was, Taehyung does know the stigma associated with having such feelings for a man. So he was very careful.

In his descriptions of this person he admired, the short brown hair had become long waist length tresses. The tiny waist was accentuated in knee length skirts, not distressed jeans. 

But some things even Taehyung couldn’t alter no matter how much he was giving away when he talked about this person. The cute habits, the bashfulness, the timidity, and the care and love that he she had for her friends and family.

Though hidden behind a made up persona, sharing his feelings did help. And when his friends told him that it was only natural for him to feel this way he was reassured. 

He also mustered up the courage to finally confide in Jimin though he still chose to keep up the facade. His soulmate consoled him for falling for someone he can never have, never realizing that the one his beloved Taehyung is pining for was busy making the dinner for the members.

Taehyung, now having a label to put on these sensations within him, naively thought he could move on.

It was his folly to even entertain this notion. It was impossible.

A futile effort when Seokjin was right there, oblivious as ever, while the previously nameless emotion in Taehyung had undergone a metamorphosis. Now having become a fiery red flower, which bloomed within the confines of his beating heart.

The cause and remedy, the oldest member of the septet who only saw him as one of his babies, to be coddled and taken care of.

This was just the beginning of the anguish filled years that Taehyung was going to endure. 

Chapter Text

2016

The filming for his drama concluded and their group went to the nordic countries to shoot their first ever travel show. Taehyung couldn’t join them from the start though he did make it a couple of days later. His delayed trip meant that at least to some places he was travelling via a different flight separate from the rest of the members. He did feel alone, ruing the time he could have spent together with the other members, but maybe it was for the best. Travelling alone would mean less time spent with Seokjin.

How is he still hung up on this? He is going to turn 21 in a few months. Taehyung’s mind conjures up the youngest for whom the members had organized a coming of age ceremony which he had missed. Even though Jungkook still indulges in silly pranks and acts like a brat there are times when he can speak like a mature adult and Taehyung is overcome with conflicted feelings of pride and pain. Those early days come to his mind, that shy little boy who used to keep to himself. Now look at him. In Jungkook he sees his siblings, he takes it as a substitute for missing out on seeing them move up the classes and grow out of their kid clothes. He gets sentimental like this a lot these days, maybe that’s why he is also so easily irritable.

How else can he explain the little arguments he has had with Seokjin throughout their cruise to Finland which most likely weren’t caught on camera. He knows this trip was supposed to be a break from their insane schedule, but Taehyung can’t help but hope to get back to his packed life. At least that would mean he will be too exhausted to think about his feelings which have spread like a disease throughout his being.

While on the trip, Yoongi hyung worked to complete one of their songs for the next album. From what Taehyung’s heard they are going for something very different this time. All seven of them will have a solo track. He would have to start working on his as soon as they get back.

He tells himself he will concentrate on songwriting when he’s in Korea, for now he will try to enjoy the sights in Northern Europe. One particular from which he isn’t able to tear his eyes away.

It is the last day of the trip, there is an underlying sadness of not having their leader with them. Yet, they had to wrap up the shoot and all of them had decided to enjoy themselves to the fullest, Namjoon hyung himself telling them not to skimp on the fun on his account.

Once the cameras had stopped rolling, all the members except Yoongi hyung and Seokjin hyung had gotten rid of their soaked shirts and decided to fully enjoy the hot tub. It was a striking contrast to the chilled air surrounding them. And amidst the good natured ribbing about whose body is the best Taehyung could see that the oldest was his usual self, joking around and stirring up trouble with Jungkook.

After some time spent in the steaming water Seokjin is the first to leave. And Taehyung isn’t able to quell his curiosity so he follows his hyung to the spa where the changing rooms are also located. He doesn’t pay heed to Jimin calling out to him.

As soon he stepped out of the tub he was freezing, the water turning cold and making him shiver. A staff member very kindly offers him a thick bathrobe and Taehyung all but runs inside the spa. He stops right after the threshold, as if blocking the entrance and anybody else’s view of what he is witnessing.

It was not the first time he was seeing any of the members naked, especially Seokjin hyung. They live together and almost all of them are equally shameless. But at least for some members it was more about convenience and necessity than lack of shame. When seven people share a bathroom one inadvertently gets acquainted with how the others look without a stitch of clothing on them.

But, today it was different. Even though those wide shoulders which taper down to a cinched waist, skin pink and blemishless, were the same as before, Taehyung’s thoughts on seeing them were not. He had never entertained the notion of touching that soft skin or wondered how it would feel under his fingers. Or under his lips.

That was a dangerous thought to have and seeing that he was very close to embarrassing himself Taehyung takes a U-turn and runs into Jimin. He doesn’t dignify his friend with an answer when he looks at him quizzically. Instead he makes a beeline for the tub and all but flings himself into it.

The other members give him strange looks but he ignores them and instead focuses on calming his excited heart and making sure getting out of the tub with dripping wet clothes sticking to him like a second skin will not cause issues.

He leans against the edge of the tub and throws his head back. His mind, quite unhelpfully, keeps replaying that image. Of a Seokjin, only in his shorts as he bends down to dry his legs, pushing his butt out in the process. 

No.

No. Stop it Taehyung!

He slinks down so his nose is just above the water level. Jungkook takes that opportunity to try and drown him and much to his horror, even Hobi hyung plays along. Taehyung is almost grateful for this distraction, though he didn’t appreciate the amount of water he had to cough out. At least these silly antics made him forget about what happened even if it was momentarily.

🚿

Their comeback was very successful. So much so that Taehyung finds out from the staff that they are in contention for a Daesang at some of the year end awards. It seems surreal. A Daesang? In just three years they have come a really long way. From their first music show win last year to a possible grand prize? Who could have guessed?

Their choreographer calls for the end of the short break and all the members get back into position. They are preparing for the MAMA stage. It is a tough routine. Back to back songs, but at least Taehyung doesn’t have to dance with a blindfold on like Jimin. Like how do these people even come up with these ideas? No, rather, how does Jiminie manage to turn them into reality?

This time they were suspending the maknae in the air and even Taehyung had a small part though he was only required to bare his shoulders. It was expected considering he did it for the MV and the other things they shot, like the teasers, short films, concert VCRs etc.

What he was not expecting was that he would have to act out the part where Seokjin’s character is seduced to the dark side. They practice the timing, the staff suggest how to make it look more believable, some members crack a few jokes as well. Maybe they could see how nervous he was. 

It wouldn’t have been far from the truth. After that day in a far away continent, Taehyung has tried to keep his distance. Once he realized that his body can be a traitor he was extra careful. At least outside the privacy of his room. Inside it though, what he did, he hopes to never have anyone question him about it.

His hands are hesitant as they cover Seokjin’s eyes and the act isn’t convincing enough. He is asked to put more effort, move his body closer to Seokjin’s, make it look believable. But Taehyung is in a fix. He… he can’t do it. 

Seokjin looks back at him and upon seeing his confused expression he asks for a break. The choreographer isn’t convinced but Seokjin hyung is able to sway them and make them give in. He asks Taehyung to follow him to the vending machine where they can grab a can of coffee.

The corridor is empty and once Taehyung steps out of the practice room, relief washes over him. All that scrutiny had made him nervous, heart beat racing away. Though his heart still refused to slow down seeing that the object of his infatuation was just a few feet away, at least he didn’t have the urge to run and hide away anymore.

Seokjin didn’t even ask him for his preference and went ahead and got two cans. He turns around and hands Taehyung a Yujacha one and this simple gesture fills him with warmth though when he gulps down the chilled tea it helps cool his overheated body. His hyung remembered that he doesn’t like coffee. Such a small, inconsequential thing but Taehyung isn’t able to stop the smile from curving up his lips.

Once Seokjin has taken a sip of his latte he looks towards him and mirrors his smile with his own cute one, the one which bunches up hyung’s cheeks and ignites in him the urge to either pinch those soft, chubby cheeks or worse, bite them.

Taehyung promptly averts his gaze, concentrating instead on the water droplets which have condensed on the can of tea he is holding.

“Why are you smiling?”

He goes for the easiest answer which comes to him.

“It’s nothing,” while shrugging his shoulders and avoiding eye contact. Very convincing.

Thankfully, Seokjin doesn’t press. “Ok….” though he wasn’t buying his lousy reason.

“So,” he tosses the can into the trash can, “is there an issue Taehyung-ah? With the skit we are doing? You can tell me.”

Taehyung finishes up his tea and crushes the can but he doesn’t throw it away. “It’s not like that hyung… I…”

“Then what happened just now, why were you so nervous?” He speaks so softly, there is no hint of irritation. Just infinite patience to hear out any grievance one of the younger members might have and help them out. Always looking out for them, yet this concern just grates on his nerves now. Because when will his hyung stop treating him like a baby?

“I… I don’t think I can do this hyung.” 

“What? Why Taehyung-ah?”, he looks so surprised, his doe eyes round and thick brows furrowed. “Can you please tell me what the issue is?”

He wonders what his hyung will say once his thoughts are out in the open. His unfiltered and shameless desires, all of which feature the guileless eldest who is looking at him with concern right now.

‘I don’t think I can hold back once I touch you…’

‘I keep thinking about your smooth skin, wondering how the milky expanse will look with my lips on it, after I have managed to mark you.’

‘I want to know how it feels to be buried inside you hyung. Will it be as warm as your heart? What expression will you wear then?’

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He manages to respond though his brain is full of the vivid images he had managed to create on nights he was left to his own devices and a burgeoning desire which had no outlet.

“Wh-hat?” He looks taken aback, like he could never have guessed this was why Taehyung was so tense. “Why would you make me nervous Taehyung-ah?” He laughs, as if he finds his reasoning a bit incredulous.

“You are overthinking this,” Seokjin hyung playfully ruffles his hair and Taehyung’s heart skips a beat. “I have known you since you were an annoying yet adorable teenage punk, Voo. You are like my younger sibling, why would you ever make me uncomfortable?”

He tries to smile, to not seem too sullen but it’s hard. 

Younger sibling.

That’s what he is to this man. There’s this strange vortex of pain and anger swirling within him and he knows he is on the verge of doing something stupid.

Right then the practice door opens and Jungkook’s head peeks out.

“Hey, we are going to rehearse the group songs now, are you guys done?”

Seokjin looks at him first, as if wanting to confirm that Taehyung is doing fine now. But he doesn’t respond to Seokjin, instead he throws the crushed can into the trash and walks back to the practice room.

“Yeah, let’s get back to practice.” He walks past Jungkook who eyes him apprehensively. Even if he is the youngest he can pick up when things are off and Taehyung kind of rues the fact that Jungkook is so perceptive. But maybe he will forget once they start the gruelling session.

He can hear Seokjin asking when they will rehearse the filler parts and the choreographer says that Jimin and Hobi hyung will come in to practice separately. As for the skit, he said since time was short no more rehearsals would be done, rather they will just do a run through during the pre-recording.

They get into position for their first song and that’s when Seokjin whispers to him, “Hey, have we resolved the thing we were talkin-”

“Yes hyung,” Taehyung looks directly into Seokjin’s eyes, “you don’t have to worry. Now that I know you won’t feel uneasy while acting with me I will do my best.” He gives his hyung a small smile. He is a bit surprised when Seokjin doesn’t give a reply and he is looking at him with a strange expression. Taehyung isn’t able to decipher it.

Right before the song starts playing Taehyung notices that Seokjin’s ears are bright red. That sight, it’s hard for him to not see the correlation. It both confuses and excites him, but he has to concentrate on not messing up during practice. He will dissect it at leisure once he is back in his room.

🪽

With adrenaline pumping through his veins Taehyung struts down the stage towards where the unassuming eldest member is sitting, on his heels, waiting to play his part as the poor innocent youth who gets seduced to the dark side.

He is still wearing his in-ears and the crowd’s cheers are muted. He kneels down and slides off his sequined jacket and cream undershirt, removing his in-ears on a whim, just so he can hear the crowd going crazy. Their stylists have made scar marks on his back. They have done their job, now it’s Taehyung’s turn to put on a convincing act.

He pulls his jacket and shirt back up and leans towards his hyung. He presses his body close, much more than they have ever rehearsed. He covers Seokjin’s eyes with his left hand and with his other he dares to touch him. Taehyung’s fingers come in contact with warm skin after they wriggle through the shirt buttons. With his body so close he can feel his hyung tense up. And he is not able to stop himself from bringing his face close to that neck. He buries his face on the shoulder and then bites down on it. 

Seokjin would’ve jerked but he tries to control his reaction since the camera is still rolling and they are on stage, in view of hundreds of fans. Just then, the stage starts moving and Taehyung leans back, his expression smug and maybe he didn’t have to put much of an effort to make his act believable.

They are half way down when Seokjin hyung looks back at him. The first thing Taehyung notices are the red ears. And then he peers into those eyes. The platform stops moving, there is a clamour in the backstage as the next performers get ready, but the two of them just stay there gazing at each other.

It was unmistakable what Taehyung had seen. Dilated pupils and furrowed brows. Seokjin hyung was affected. He wasn’t immune to him or his touch. Maybe he made his hyung uncomfortable . Even though that thought, of Seokjin, being averse to his touch opens a bottomless pit in his chest and disorients him for a few seconds he doesn’t let himself ponder about it just now. He didn’t have the luxury, right then, to wallow in the pain that mere possibility would bring him.

Instead, he springs to his feet as soon as Seokjin gets off the platform and heads towards the side stage from where they will enter for their next performance. The demanding choreography of Fire requires full concentration from Taehyung so that he completes all the moves flawlessly and sings without hiccups.

Once they reach backstage after finishing their songs Taehyung tries to find Seokjin hyung. He sees him heading to the restroom and without a second thought follows him. Once he enters he notices that his hyung was leaning against the counter, taking deep breaths to slow down his breathing.

“Seokjin-hyung…”

He looks up but doesn’t meet Taehyung’s eyes. He stands up straight but is still using the counter as support. “What is it Taehyung-ah?” He sounds tired and maybe not from the gruelling performance they just gave.

Taehyung stares at this man. What should he say? What should he ask his hyung?

‘Did I make you uncomfortable?’

‘Did you feel anything when I touched you hyung?’

‘Do you like me?’

“Ho..how was the performance?” His tongue slips over the words as he realizes just how close he was to blurting out his unfiltered thoughts. It can never be taken back and Taehyung doesn’t want to lose what he currently has with his hyung, even if it leaves him feeling empty and craving for more.

Seokjin’s eyes meet his but for a moment before they scurry away. “It was good. Didn’t you hear the crowd going crazy for you Taehyung?” His hyung looks directly at him, “You put on a very convincing act.” His arms come up to caress his elbows as if he feels a chill and his voice goes soft. “I felt goosebumps, you were very good”

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

His heart is roaring in his chest. He takes a step forward and even if it's minute & hardly noticeable he sees the way his hyung reacts. He is nervous. Taehyung wants to push, he wants to know if his hyung will be honest with him.

“What if I say it was not an act?” His voice drops low and even though there is a commotion outside, inside the walls of this bathroom they feel isolated.

Seokjin tries to deflect. “Wh… wait. Is that the Daesang announcement?” He doesn’t wait for Taehyung’s response and instead continues speaking, “It definitely is. It was going to be announced after our performance, we should hea-”

“I asked you a question Seokjin hyung, don’t try to deflect.”

His hyung wasn’t expecting Taehyung to press the matter. He looks lost for words. Just then there’s a loud cheer from the crowd. They couldn’t hear the name of the winner. After a few seconds there are loud steps, as if people are running and a knock sounds on the restroom door.

“BTS Jin and V, are you in there?” A voice calls out. Before Taehyung can react Seokjin responds in affirmative. The door opens and a staff peeks in.

“Please head to the stage right now to receive the Daesang. The other members are already there.”

Both of them are shocked. They won the grand prize? It seems unbelievable. Seeing their incredulous expressions the staff smiles kindly and reassures them that it’s true. She also urges them to hurry and then leaves.

Seokjin starts towards the door, passing by Taehyung. Even though he feels over the moon about the unprecedented accolade he also wants to complete this conversation. He can’t leave it hanging like this. He grabs a slim wrist to stop his hyung.

“You haven’t given me an answer yet.” “Not now Taehyung-ah, we have to hurry or it will be too late.”

“Do you promise to talk about this later?”

His hyung has the audacity to chuckle. “There is nothing to really discuss here right?” He twists his arm free and starts for the door, “I don’t understand why you are so fixated on thi-”

Taehyung blocks his path. “You really don’t get it? Really? Are you being honest here hyung?”

His brows are creased, Seokjin doesn’t look too enthused with this conversation.

“Now is not the time, we have to leave. Right now.” He tries to sidestep him but Taehyung isn’t allowing Seokjin to run away just yet.

“Just answer me hyung. Did you really not feel anything?” When his hyung doesn’t reply Taehyung grabs Seokjin’s shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes. That was the last straw.

He removes Taehyung’s hands, a bit too harshly. His tone is sharp and it stings him.

“Enough Taehyung. You are crossing your boundaries here.” He walks towards the door and grabs the handle. He looks back and lands a parting blow.

“I didn’t feel anything when we did that play. Like I told you, you younger ones are like my siblings.”

Seokjin looks at him, the stormy expression vanishing from his doe eyes, replaced instead by worry. So easy for his hyung to forget his anger, keep it aside and instead employ patience and kindness. “Come on Taehyung,” he says softly, “let’s go. They must be waiting for us.”

He doesn’t say anything, but starts moving. When Seokjin opens the door, he brushes past his hyung and picks up his pace as the both of them make their way to the stage.

There is a dull ache in his chest even as there is euphoria around him. All of the members and staff are ecstatic. An album Daesang is a huge win, a nod to not just the title song but the entire tracklist including their solo features. That night, their group had accomplished their long cherished dream and it was a given that all of them were in a mood to celebrate.

Initially they were planning to hang out as a group, maybe throw a party at their dorm. But since some of the staff wouldn’t be able to make it they decided to organize it on another day. Their managers let the members decide if they wanted to go to a party or head home, a special concession in lieu of today’s achievement.

Namjoon hyung, Hobi hyung and Jiminie had plans. Considering tonight’s events Taehyung decides to head out as well. He informs his manager who gives him the usual spiel about being careful and staying safe and out of trouble. He notices Seokjin stealing glances at him but Taehyung doesn’t let himself think about it too much.

He messages his hyungs who arrive at the venue to pick him up and off they go to a club. Taehyung hasn’t partied much, with the packed schedule and limited freedom, he never got a chance. And he doesn’t really see the appeal as well, but tonight he just wanted to take his mind off things.

In the dim lighting he does see some familiar faces. There are some idol group members as well. Taehyung has acquaintances and friends from different companies so he immediately recognizes the girl group member who walks up to their table and introduces herself.

One of his hyungs invites her to join them and she seats herself across from Taehyung. It is not lost on him that she seems interested in him particularly, out of all the people on the table. Given how Taehyung himself can’t seem to pry his eyes away from his fellow band member he only knows about women showing interest in him through hushed whispers of the staff or Jimin and Jungkook teasing him about it.

On some other day he would have calmly and politely turned her down, but tonight he is almost grateful for this perfect excuse to not think about doe eyes and plump lips. His hyungs share knowing looks and they make themselves scarce one by one.

They talk about things and try to prolong the conversation but both of them know they are just waiting for the other to bring it up first. Finally she concedes and asks Taehyung if he wants to get out of here. He agrees promptly and they leave. On their way out one of his hyungs hands him a packet of condoms and pats his shoulder.

They fuck, more than once. Taehyung makes up for his lack of experience with his enthusiasm and it seems like his lover for the night enjoyed it. He forces himself to not think about the face which kept coming up in his mind or how the voice moaning under him always seemed a bit jarring to him. It shouldn’t be so high pitched. The hair is too long and the lips are not plump.

He couldn’t catch a wink of sleep. He leaves before the sun rises, one of his hyungs coming to pick him up. He looks out of the window, and he feels empty. The ecstasy he was drowned in a few hours ago has left a deepening void in its wake.

One which he knows can be filled, or at least made to look full only by being near the doe eyed beautiful man.

🪩

This routine follows- sometimes Taehyung becomes too clingy regardless of whether they are on camera. And Seokjin lets him be, his silent approval only proving to embolden Taehyung.

But then there are days when they ignore each other, pretend the other doesn’t exist. Sometimes, an off hand comment snowballs into a fight with Taehyung saying some hurtful things. 

Yet, Seokjin remains the same.

Kind, loving, gentle and so very oblivious.

Some days, when his heart wants to be cruel it makes himself believe that his love wasn’t unrequited. That maybe his hyung reciprocated his feelings. He remembers being deluded into feeling this after Seokjin hyung agreed to go on a trip with him. It was a quiet two day vacation and Taehyung has never felt this happy, as if he can burst with the things he is feeling.

It was only after coming back that Jimin told him about something he had found out, from Seokjin hyung himself. Their hyung had met a woman and he had admitted to be dating someone. The bubble of euphoria bursts and Taehyung comes crashing down to the cruel reality.

Knowing that there’s no hope, no way he can have this man as his, shouldn’t Taehyung try to stay away? To disconnect and keep his wounded heart safe? Give himself time and space to heal, and then eventually move on.

He should, but he refuses to do so. Instead he makes use of every opportunity he has to be close to his hyung, knowing very well that this will only increase his yearning.

But this comes at a cost. Having his hyung within arm’s reach but there being absolutely no possibility of his affections being returned puts Taehyung in a strange situation. He can show his love in certain ways, toeing the line of impropriety and brotherly love but it’s hard for him to contain his desires. So he has continued to use casual flings as a means to let off some steam. The initial guilt he had felt has eroded away over the years of silent rejections and rebuffs, smoothened over with warm words and kind eyes.

Once Taehyung had become careless enough in his pursuit to forget his pain that he ended up doing something deplorable. He can’t justify it to himself, yet he did it.

It was after one of their concerts in Japan. On stage, they are free and even Seokjin plays along with him. For his hyung, those sultry eyes and the close dancing might be for the cameras and their fans but it torments him, fueling his desires which he has a hard time keeping under check.

That night he felt impatient and more agitated than usual. In the hotel, Taehyung arrives later than everybody else so that no one gets in his way. He is followed by his latest paramour, one of the stylists. Seeing that the corridor was empty Taehyung slams her against the wall next to his room and kisses her hard, not noticing that his hyung who was just down the hallway saw everything.

Taehyung finds out only the next morning when Jimin scolds him for being so careless. He impresses upon him how things could have gotten out of hand if it was anyone else who may have seen him like this.

He knows it is futile but he wants to know if Seokjin was jealous. There was a tiny voice telling him that he should apologize. If Taehyung were in his hyung’s place, wouldn’t he feel terrible? Yet, that is not what he was concentrating on. He yearned for the confirmation, no matter how vague, of his hyung having feelings for him.

He hurries down to the dining hall where the breakfast buffet is, when Jimin tells him the other members might be there. He spots Jungkook first, in his all black outfit and it doesn’t take him too much time to see the eldest sitting next to him and eating his breakfast while having an animated conversation with Jungkook. His expression doesn’t fall neither does he stop talking after seeing Taehyung and waving to him

His hyung is as nonchalant as ever and here Taehyung was planning to apologize.

For what exactly? 

His mind questions him and maybe Seokjin would’ve done the same.

The hopelessness within him just refuses to go and this incident reinforces it. And the void in his chest continues to expand.

🎤

Years pass by. They live through a global pandemic, and scale new peaks in their career. In their personal lives, one major change was the members moving out of the dorm. Taehyung was one of the first and doing this felt like a difficult but necessary step in their growth. The phase to live together was over, it was now time to focus on oneself even as they continue to be part of the same group and draw strength from each other.

It was inevitable but they braved through with the hiatus announcement. Followed by the more painful but unavoidable event of Seokjin hyung’s enlistment. In the frigid December month, all the members arrive at the base to send off their beloved oldest.

They bid adieu, clicking the mandatory group pick with hyung’s shaved head and the air of grief is palpable. As expected, Seokjin tries to crack jokes. Even as he leaves to serve, it is he who comforts the members, especially the youngest. 

He coaxes all of them to click pictures with him, even Yoongi. Taehyung’s turn comes right at the end. Once Jimin has taken the photos he goes off to check on Jungkook and Seokjin turns towards him.

His hyung looks at him, face hidden behind the mask but Taehyung can see his throat working, trying to tell him something. Those eyes have welled up with tears and an emotion he isn’t able to define. After years of false hopes he doesn’t want to hurt himself anymore.

Seokjin leaves him hanging and his parting embrace and those eyes keep Taehyung company from the moment he sees his hyung walk away to join the rows of enlistees.

He wonders if he is allowed to feel bitter about this. But isn’t it his own fault, for continuing to harbour hope? Hope that his hyung was on the cusp of fulfilling his heart’s deepest desire. He transforms into a silly child wishing for the improbable when it comes to Seokjin and he loathes it more than anything else.

Days turn into weeks and slowly the members get used to their hyung’s absence, though soon they are bidding farewell to another. Hobi hyung enlisted in February. Taehyung knows they are all thinking long term. The plan for the next five years has already been mapped out, yet it’s never easy saying goodbye.

Each of them takes this opportunity to venture into their solo careers. All members released their albums, Taehyung’s own came out in September. After years of effort and hardwork he was able to share his music with the fans. Following him, Jungkook releases his solo album. Yoongi hyung enlists in the interlude and on another cold December day, Taehyung and Namjoon hyung enlist together.

All of his hyungs, Seokjin, Hobi and Yoongi are there to bid them farewell. They joke around as per the norm, not letting any of them stew in worry and sadness.

The members swarm the maknae who enlists the next day with Jimin and Taehyung sees Seokjin hyung approach him. How did he not notice before that Seokjin looked different?

He seems to have lost weight, quite unlike how he looked a month ago when Jimin had shared photos from a visit, those rosy cheeks standing out.

The doe eyes looked at him filled with worry. He stands right next to him and speaks in a soft voice, belying his emotions.

“Stay safe ok? And don’t do anything stupid. Follow all the instructions, don’t push yourself too hard. I know you will do your best Taehyung-ah, you always do…”

His hyung goes on about the things he should be mindful about. He has a lot of things to say, given he has completed a year of his military service.

Taehyung quietly listens to Seokjin ramble on and on. The bright red ears are a sight for sore eyes. Oh how Taehyung missed seeing them turn into tomatoes.

He loved it even more if he were the reason to make them so.

When Seokjin stops speaking Taehyung averts his gaze from the red ears to see those almond eyes staring right at him.

Those eyes.

They are looking at him with… with…

No.

No. It can’t be.

Not now. When he has to leave in a few minutes.

Not here.

Not here where he can’t grab this lovely man and kiss him senseless.

As if pulled to each other by something invisible, the two of them close the distance, their warm breaths fanning the other’s face. Taehyung just has to tilt his head a bit and lean in an inch and he will touch those soft lips. 

He will get to kiss the man he has loved for ten years.

But he can’t.

Instead, he makes do by pressing his forehead against his beloved’s and grabbing that small face in his hands. Taehyung’s fingers are wet from the tears streaming down Seokjin’s face. He gently thumbs them away.

He feels his hyung’s throat working, his Adam’s apple bobbing trying to pour out his heart, convey what his eyes have managed to tell Taehyung.

“Shhh…. It’s ok. It’s ok hyung.”

He soothes Seokjin, wiping away the fresh tears as Seokjin closes his eyes. Taehyung presses a loving kiss on Seokjin’s forehead.

“I know. I get it.” His throat wells up, “I understand Jin-ah.”

It becomes hard to form words with the lump stuck in his throat.

“Don’t cry, please Jin-ah! Please don’t cry.”

Seokjin buries his face in Taehyung’s neck and wraps his arms around him. Taehyung reciprocates by holding onto that tiny waist, his hands going inside the thick fur jacket.

He continues to utter words of comfort even as Seokjin’s tears don’t stop and end up soaking the sweater Taehyung was wearing. Yet, he refuses to let go.

After an eternity they part, as if realizing without being told that their time was up. Seokjin moves back and looks into Taehyung’s eyes. He doesn’t say anything, just wordlessly slips out of his hold and steps away- giving space for the other members to embrace Taehyung.

Even as he bids goodbye to his family and the members his eyes keep looking for Seokjin.

At this distance, right before he enters, he can see those doe eyes shining once again and it’s a herculean task for him to control his own tears and turn around and walk away.

Chapter Text

Eighteen months.

Eighteen more months until he is done with his service and walks out of the camp as a free man, having fulfilled his duty as an able-bodied Korean male.

Along with this freedom there is something else he is also looking forward to. Something, which he has put off till that day in June 2025. A part of him doesn’t understand why he has decided to wait. He can call his hyung or plan to go meet him. Why should they prolong their yearning? Why should Taehyung continue to live in doubt and second guess whatever happened on that cold December day.

But the part of him who has endured the heartache for years and has become wise as he aged, knows it will be best for them to hold on to their feelings for a little more.

Maybe this is why, even though Taehyung and Seokjin constantly flood each other’s dms with silly memes and posts, neither brings up that day. As Seokjin’s enlistment drew to an end, Taehyung’s grew more intense. There were days on end when he didn’t have the energy to pick up his phone, let alone chat with his hyung or other members. But he was revived whenever he saw the plethora of messages, a smile coming to his face, Taehyung finding the energy to keep going.

There were also days when things got hard. Times when he missed his hyung so much it was painful to see the fellow enlistees receiving letters from their loved ones. What would it be like if Seokjin hyung wrote letters for him? Would his hyung pick cute stationery in baby pink colour and use a lot of stickers? Will he make sure the paper smelled like his favourite perfume, strawberry and vanilla?

Why is it that Taehyung can’t keep Seokjin’s photo on his desk or inside his wallet? Why can’t he have this small physical token and instead has to rely on his brain and the multitude of Seokjin clips which have been ingrained in his psyche.

He knows. 

He knows why he has to confine their interactions to plain hello and how are yous and brotherly hugs. He knows that the only thing he will get for showing his love openly is ridicule and bullying, especially when he is serving in the military. 

It was the smart thing to do, to stay away, to interact less. So Taehyung’s burgeoning want doesn’t burst forth and expose both him and Seokjin to hate and harassment.

As it is, Taehyung’s military service was not easy. In addition to being rife with dangers that came with the specific force he joined, Taehyung also had to contend with stalkers and people in power who had complete impunity from any sorts of punishment.

There was no reprieve from the constant media attention or the ever present cameras but given it has been more than ten years, Taehyung knows that he had bargained away his privacy when he had signed up to be an idol. And over the years he has made peace with it.

Months pass by and the day of Seokjin hyung’s release from military service arrives. That also means, Taehyung and the other members except Hobi hyung had a year to go. Just one more year and they will be free.

Once Seokjin came home he was more regular with the phone calls and messages despite his busy schedule. Though they were short and not that different from the ones received from his friends Taehyung still cherished each one of them, especially the calls.

Because what words couldn’t convey Taehyung could infer from the tender tone of voice Seokjin spoke with him in, his hyung liberally using all of the nicknames he had given Taehyung. Yet, there are long pauses when neither says anything. Maybe because they had run out of things to say. But maybe more so because the both of them wanted to stay on the line feeling the other’s presence.

And then there are times, when Taehyung’s ears pick up the strangled sobs and a stray hiccup which Seokjin couldn’t smother. He silently listens to his hyung break down on the other end of the line, while he has to keep a blank face lest he ends up outing himself to the people standing behind in the queue.

In the quietest voice he can muster, he tries to console his beloved. The best he can, miles away, not by choice but that’s just how life is.

These phone calls give him moments of despair when he thinks he won’t be able to survive for another year separated from his Seokjin, but he finds in him the will to go on. He will make sure to see this to the end, to complete his service to the best of his ability.

Seokjin hyung released his solo album a few months after he returned home and Taehyung was ecstatic to find out that their fans loved it very much. He watched all of the promotional content with barely contained joy, feeling proud and happy to see his hyung thriving.

Once Hobi hyung also completed his service there was a palpable anticipation, since the time of their reunion was closer than ever. Preparations for a comeback were already underway and Taehyung was looking forward to it, just like the other members and their fans.

The remaining days continued on and when that moment drew near Taehyung started to dream of how it’s going to be. He had always thought that once he had finished with his military service he would go home with his Seokjin hyung. Many times over, he had dreamed of how that meeting will transpire, the things he will say, the words he hopes to hear in turn. But their plans go for a toss since Seokjin’s film shooting clashed with the day of Taehyung’s release. The schedule was changed at the last moment because of inclement weather affecting the original shooting days.

Since Seokjin would be on set he won’t be able to go meet Taehyung. And in the following days, Taehyung got busy with the Festa celebrations. After finishing with these he goes on a much needed family vacation. If things had worked out as he had wanted, Seokjin would also be there with him. But his hyung couldn’t make it and though Taehyung was unhappy about it he expressly shot down Seokjin’s suggestion of asking for leave in the middle of the shoot to come with him. Finally, his hyung had gotten this opportunity to be a part of a film, to explore acting and Taehyung was ecstatic about this. It was long due and he knew he would have regretted it if Seokjin had let it go because of him.

Two weeks, Taehyung spends with his family, away from everything else.

On the last day of his vacation, he gets a call from Seokjin hyung. He is a bit surprised because as far as he knew, currently the film schedule must be the busiest with the crew scrambling to wrap up all the shoots so work on post production can start at the earliest. He was not expecting Seokjin to find a moment of peace and quiet to call him.

His hyung was asking Taehyung if he wanted to go to Jeju for a few days. Of course, he agreed readily and the next day he found himself boarding a different flight to the one his family was going on.

The entire duration of his journey to Jeju was spent restlessly. He should have tried to get some sleep but he couldn’t keep still, a nervousness pervading his being. Because in just a few hours he will finally get the answer to his yearning. 

When his flight finally lands in Jeju and he walks out of the airport, he sees his manager is waiting for him there. They whisk Taehyung away before anyone notices he is there and he arrives at the quaint villa which Seokjin had rented for them.

He stands there on the threshold, long after his manager has left with the car. Taehyung thought he would barge through the door and engulf his beloved hyung in a bone crushing embrace, yet he is glued to his spot, some hesitance and a ton of doubt clouding his mind.

Just then, he hears that voice call out his name and his limbs move on his own. His twists open the door, one hand holding his suitcase and he steps inside the hallway. After removing his shoes he makes his way to the living room, his eyes searching for the familiar figure. His eyebrows furrow when he doesn’t see Seokjin waiting for him on the couch. 

It takes him only a few moments to pick up that aromatic scent, wafting from the kitchen. He leaves his luggage right there in the middle of the hallway and all but runs towards the direction of the aroma. As he rounds the wall, he sees his hyung moving in the kitchen with a practised ease, humming some song under his breath.

It must have only been a second since Taehyung was standing there and he knows he didn’t make any sound. But Seokjin stops whatever he was doing and turns around, his doe eyes going wide. They filled with tears so easily and Taehyung’s arms were waiting as they engulfed the warm, comforting being of Seokjin. 

Taehyung presses his face against his hyung’s neck, breathing in deeply. The scent of home he had missed, which he had deprived himself of, now he can drown in it whenever he wants. His hold on his hyung’s waist tightens and gentle fingers trace his shaved undercut before they comb through the hair on his crown. So soothing, just this simple touch and Taehyung’s shoulders drooped and his tears wet Seokjin’s shirt.

His hyung is pushing on his shoulders, his voice coming out muffled with how tightly they are hugging each other.

“The jjigae, Tae… it will burn. Let me just switch off the flame…” He relents eventually and Seokjin moves quickly to save the fruit of his hardwork from getting ruined. He sighs as he leans against the counter. Taehyung is not able to help himself so he goes ahead and wraps his arms around the tiny waist and drapes himself over his hyung.

He has become bulkier and he loves this feeling of engulfing his hyung with his bigger, muscled body. But this also means, if he leans too much on his hyung, Seokjin might find it difficult to maintain his balance and move around in the kitchen.

There is a soft chuckle which his hyung lets out, before in a half exasperated- half endeared voice he tries to discourage Taehyung from holding onto him like this.

“Taehyung-ah… how will I finish the japchae if you weigh me down like this. Come on, be a good dongsaeng and help hyung out.” He says this yet hyung’s soft fingers are gently gripping the arms Taehyung has wound around Seokjin’s waist. But his hyung knows how to convince him and maybe he is aware of Taehyung’s weakness towards the oldest's usage of nicknames.

“Voo, come on. The food is almost ready.” A hand lovingly ruffles his hair and there's a huge smile on his face, Taehyung knows he looks like an overgrown lovesick puppy. “Please let hyung finish, hmm?”

He relents, of course he does. With his heart slowly recovering after getting to hold his beloved Seokjin and feeling his warmth, Taehyung leaves the kitchen to take a seat at the small dining table. And true to his word, soon after, Seokjin starts bringing the food. He insists Taehyung stay put and let him handle everything.

Once all the dishes have been laid out, and there are many, the both of them dig in. Taehyung was famished so the entirety of lunch was spent in the quiet comforting silence, while they savoured the oldest's impeccable cooking. The fidgety and uncomfortable flight he had without catching any sleep meant his fatigue now caught up to him. And once his belly was full he was fighting hard to keep his eyes open.

Upon his hyung’s insistence Taehyung decides to rest so he heads to the first floor where Seokjin had prepared a bedroom for him. Even though the queen sized bed with soft baby blue coloured linens was very inviting, Taehyung manages to take a quick shower before he crashes out. He sleeps like a log and the only thing he has a vague recollection of from his four hour marathon nap is the feeling of cool fingers caressing his face and running through his hair. He is not sure if he dreamt that up. When he finally coaxes his eyes to open he notices that the sun has set, darkness now drowning the room while earlier it was flooded with sunlight.

He gets up and stretches his limbs. After washing his face and freshening up he goes down the stairs. He idly wonders as he scratches his belly if he should have gone without his t-shirt. They are all alone in this villa and had no plans of going out so why bother with more clothes than necessary but he is too lazy to climb back up the stairs and deposit the tee he is wearing so he just pushes this thought away.

Once again he finds his hyung in the kitchen, mouthwatering aroma pulling Taehyung’s feet there on its own. 

“Hyung”, his voice is thick with sleep, “what are you doing?”

Seokjin who was checking if the rice had cooked properly turns to look at Taehyung before continuing with his task. “Ah Taehyung-ah, you are awake! How was your nap?”

He comes into the kitchen and leans against a counter, now getting a better view of what his hyung was busy making.

“I couldn’t sleep during the flight so that’s why I was knocked out as soon as my head hit the pillow.” He leans forward to see what that sizzling noise is, “You are making katsu?”

A lovely smile graces Seokjin’s face. “Yes, there’s also kimchi fried rice with samgyeopsal and bulgogi.” There’s a hint of worry on his face. “Do you think the both of us will be able to finish these things?”

Taehyung can’t help but snort. “Hyung, are you forgetting that our group has been called the seven boys with bottomless pits as stomachs? I think we can manage, otherwise we can have the leftovers tomorrow. Don’t fret ok?”

His hyung merely nods and resumes frying the katsu. They chat idly, Seokjin asking him how the vacation went and Taehyung in turn catching up on the film shooting. They continue their conversation on the dining table, Taehyung once again feeling ravenous. His hyung was worrying for no reason, he won’t be going on a diet anytime soon so he is gonna gorge on the delicious food without any restrictions.

Seokjin brings out the liquor. Along with soju, whiskey and wine there’s also an apple flavoured gin. With such decadent food and liquor to accompany it, it doesn't take long for both of them to have a nice buzz. Taehyung takes charge of the cleaning duty and brings all the dishes to the kitchen. He is about to start washing them when Seokjin calls out to him.

So he turns back and heads out to the dining table.

“Voo, we can wash the dishes tomorrow. Just… let’s just sit and talk.”

Seokjin’s face has become pink and from the years of knowing his hyung, Taehyung can clearly tell that the oldest is drunk. It is a widely known fact that Jin-hyung becomes absolutely adorable when drunk so he finds no qualms leaving the dishes in the sink and takes his seat across from the lovely pink faced Seokjin.

The conversation is meandering with no real direction. Seokjin mentions the other members and his lips are in a pout when he talks about how Jungkook has become even more of a muscle bunny. Taehyung notices the way his hyung’s eyes go to his arms which stretch the t-shirt sleeves but he doesn’t say anything and merely hides his gleeful smirk behind a sip of the sweet apple gin.

He doesn’t know what exactly triggered him to bring up the topic which has been on his mind ever since that December day. Maybe it was the lull in the conversation. Or maybe it was his yearning, bursting forth after having to keep it confined for years.

“Seokjin hyung”, as if knowing exactly where the conversation is going, the oldest sits up a little straight, aborting his mission to slouch on the table. “Do you” Taehyung gulps, not finding the correct words even though he is on the cusp of realizing his most ardent desire. 

“Don’t you have something you wanted to tell me?”

The doe eyes widen and his hyung isn’t able to avert them from his intense gaze which is holding them captive while Seokjin responds.

“Taehyung… is this really the ti-”

“No hyung!” Agitation and desperation coloring his words, “I have waited years for this. No more stalling.”

“Please… hyung”

Seokjin’s ears are blazing but he still maintains eye contact. 

“Tae, I was just saying if you are sure you want to hear what I have to say in the state you are in.”

“Don’t worry hyung. I am not drunk enough for this.’

‘ I will never be drunk enough to hear you say-’

“I love you.” He says it so simply, like it's a fact he is stating and Taehyung’s heart drops to his stomach. Though Seokjin’s tone hides the turmoil which the younger can see clearly in those emotive eyes. “I have loved you for so long. I have…” He chokes up, his throat working to form the words, tears slowly streaking down flushed cheeks.

“I have been so stupidly in love yet been such a coward.”

The tears which his hyung fights every single time he is moved by emotions, they surface, they come easily to him whenever he is drunk. With all inhibitions and facades gone, Seokjin doesn’t try to hide behind jokes.

“I am so sorry Taehyung-ah! So sorry!” Hiccups interrupt Seokjin but he continues to pour his heart out, words tumbling one after the other, some unintelligible. “For ma..making you wait. For being so sc..cared…”, he wipes away tears carelessly but more take their place, his face pink and shiny. “For not being brave enough for you Voo… I am so sorry!”

It is a continuous stream down those almond eyes, traversing the flushed cheeks. His cute ears burn a bright red colour. Even when he is utterly devastated, Seokjin looks so beautiful. So fucking beautiful.

“I am so-mmmph-”

His apology is swallowed by Taehyung capturing those bee stung lips in his own soft ones. He starts slow. There is no hurry. He has waited years. And now, he will savour the sweet taste of his hyung. Drink in those tears languidly. Pour his love into this precious man, without restraint or fear.

The swan neck fingers clutch at his t-shirt covered shoulders. He always had broad shoulders, but now the months of his labour are showing in his bulked up physique. The dainty hands slowly touch his clothed body, exploring the changes Taehyung has gone through. Physically they are much more apparent for him as compared to his hyung who didn’t gain any muscle, rather he has retained his lean physique. Seokjin has remained, wiith minimal muscle and too low a weight if one were to ask Taehyung. He will make sure to amend that going forward.

Taehyung’s hands map out his beloved hyung’s figure, from the thin waist which gets completely engulfed in his now bulky arms to the wide bony shoulders. And then to the flare of his hips which set his blood on fire. Everything about Seokjin just fuels Taehyung’s desire.

They finally break apart, breathing heavily. And though the shyness is evident in the red of his ears and face, Seokjin still places an affectionate kiss on Taehyung’s jaw. He, in turn, reciprocates by leaving a trail of wet marks down his hyung’s neck, starting from his jaw. But he goes a step further because he isn’t satisfied by the gentle touch of lips alone. Instead he latches onto the skin on Seokjin’s long, smooth neck and sucks, using his teeth as well to leave marks on the blemishless skin.

The new sounds he ekes out of Seokjin just spur him on. Mewls, whines and whimpers. It is a combination of these that Seokjin lets out. On a particularly harsh bite a loud moan is heard and Taehyung can’t help but chuckle deeply before dropping a chaste peck on the freshly made bruise. He comes up to face Seokjin who looks close to tears once again. But this time Taehyung is excited at having caused those crystal clear pearls to come out of the almond eyes.

“I think we should call it a day”, he whispers these words into a warm, flaming ear nibbling on it on a whim. “What do you say hyung?”

Seokjin only gives him a nod which he feels against his neck where the older has hid his face. And this was enough for Taehyung so he stands up, pulling Seokjin along with him. Once they reach their room Taehyung helps Seokjin get settled in bed, switches on the air con and gets in bed next to his hyung.

Considering how drunk Seokjin had been and the emotionally draining conversation they just had Taehyung was expecting his hyung to get knocked out the moment his head hit the soft pillows. But when he lays down he is surprised to see Seokjin staring back at him. His soft voice breaks the quiet of the room.

“Why…”, his eyes scurry away for a bit before his hyung gathers the courage to look Taehyung in the eyes. “Why didn’t you respond?”

At the blank look he must have received from Taehyung, the older continues, albeit a bit more timidly.

“To my confession earlier… why didn’t you say anything?”

Taehyung just stares at his hyung. He… he was not expecting such a question. He had not thought that there would be a need to spell out his feelings, especially after the way he kissed Seokjin senseless a few minutes ago and littered his neck with marks which won’t be fading anytime soon.

But guess words are important, even though actions speak louder.  

He puts his arm around the small waist and pulls Seokjin closer.

“You don’t know…”, Taehyung uses his other hand to hold his hyung’s face so that he can keep gazing into those beautiful orbs. “... how long I have waited for this. To hold you close and look into your eyes and confess what I have felt for you, for years.”

With the almond orbs staring at him keenly, Taehyung gives word to that emotion, to that feeling which has accompanied him for almost a decade. He brings them to life by uttering them, by confessing them to the object of his affection and desire.

“I love you Seokjin-ah! Always have. Always will.” He leans in to brush his nose against the cute pudgy one of his hyung who is once again close to tears. Taehyung’s throat wells up with emotion too so he gets choked up when he utters the next few words.

“No one else but you.”

They stare at each other, taking in the other’s visage or maybe just trying to tattoo this moment into their memory. It is after some time that Taehyung speaks again.

“Happy now?”

Seokjin gives him a lovely smile which pushes up his cheeks. Though he looks away abashed he still manages to land a harmless punch on Taehyung’s shoulder, for teasing him just now.

Taehyung catches the small fist before Seokjin can retract it and brings it to his lips. With his eyes trained on Seokjin’s he tenderly kisses each knuckle. On a whim he uses his tongue to kiss between the fingers, eliciting a surprised squeak from his hyung, who makes a futile attempt at pulling his hand away, but Taehyung doesn’t relent.

In the push and pull Seokjin finds himself in Taehyung’s arms, pressed close to the younger. And as if they arrived at a silent agreement amongst themselves, they join their lips, sealing the declaration of love for each other.

They kiss leisurely, Taehyung taking his time and not making his hands go exploring. There is ample time for that. A lifetime, he has, to spend with this beautiful man.

But Seokjin abruptly breaks the kiss and sits up. He fidgets with his fingers. Taehyung gets over his shock and moves to a seated position before wrapping his arms around his lover.

“What is it Seokjin-ah?”

He drops honorifics easily, it is nothing new for him.

It takes Seokjin some time to reply.

“It’s nothing really. I was just…”

Taehyung gently guides that small face towards him, so that he can coax his lover to look at him.

“Seokjin-ah, you can tell me anything. Ok?”

With an adorable nod of his head and some nervous biting of his lips which pull Taehyung’s gaze to those bruised plump cherries, his hyung finally puts into words his thoughts.

“I had prepared a surprise for you Taehyung. But I am not sure if you would like it now…”

Taehyung was intrigued, what else had his Jinnie planned?

“I would love anything you do love .” He caresses the soft cheek with a thumb, looking earnestly into the doe eyes. “What is it?”

A sudden wave of shyness engulfs the pretty man in his arms and he turns away, Taehyung now facing his lover's reddened neck. He mumbles something but Taehyung doesn’t quite catch what was said. He presses his chest against Seokjin’s back and places his chin on the pajama clad shoulder.

“Speak louder Jin-ah.”

Seokjin’s fidgeting hands point towards the drawer of the bedside table. “It is in there.”

His hyung moves to take it out so Taehyung loosens his hold. When Seokjin has retrieved those items he places them on the bed in front of them.

Taehyung has to do a double take. Because he was definitely not expecting his Seokjin hyung to pull these things out of the drawer.

A pack of condoms and a bottle of lube.

He gulps, trying to sooth his mouth which has suddenly gone dry.

“What… What is this hyung?”

He knows his voice has deepened but he can’t help it. What his hyung tells him next leaves him disoriented.

“I have also prepared myself Taehyung.” That voice is quiet and shy and Seokjin is looking straight ahead, his back facing the younger. “I… I just thought we would do it.”

There’s a pause, but before Taehyung can say a word, his hyung continues. 

“This seemed like the perfect opportunity, you know. I don’t have any schedules for a week or so an-”

Seokjin’s sentence ends in a startled squeak because Taehyung suddenly pulled him onto his lap and started kissing up his neck.

“Fuck, hyung! You will be the death of me.” With his lips pressed against an ear, he continues. “But wait, tell me this- when did you get the time to prepare yourself?”

When the answer isn’t forthcoming Taehyung pinches the clothed waist. He gets a whiny rendition of his name. With those cherries in an irresistible pout Seokjin replies-

“When you were napping, I was not just prepping for dinner.”

If Seokjin had delivered this without turning into a tomato, it would have had a very different effect. But his hyung is too shy to act like a sexy vixen and that just makes Taehyung love him even more.

He loved this adorable man. And now, he could have him. He could taste him. Taehyung could finally experience how it felt to be ensconced inside someone he has loved and cherished with all his heart.

“Seokjin-ah…” 

It is the way the older’s body responds to the thick raspy voice, going still in the secure hold of his long veiny arms.

“Remove your clothes for me, baby”, Taehyung watches with undivided attention as those fingers unbutton the blue pajamas and slowly push one side down a bony shoulder. He unties the string of his pajama pants and lifts his butt to get rid of them. Maneuvering with Taehyung’s hands on his waist is tough, the younger knows this but he refuses to budge. With the shirt hanging off one of Seokjin’s milky arms and him sitting in only his boxers, Taehyung thinks he deserves credit for not cumming just from the lovely sight that his hyung makes.

“Lie down Seokjin-ah” and he does as he is told without any complaints.

Removing his own black tee and sweatpants is quick work. He does away with his underwear, not surprised to find the wet patch. He picks up the lube but ignores the condom. Taehyung wants to feel the warmth of his lover with nothing in between and he hopes his hyung is of like mind.

Seokjin is lying on his side, facing away. Taehyung takes some lube in his hands and rubs it between his fingers to warm it up before slowly pushing down the pink boxers. When his lover’s hands come down to grab Taehyung’s, he gently coaxes Seokjin to let go, softly telling him that it’s ok.

Once the piece of clothing slides down the soft, round butt cheeks, Taehyung gives in to his urge to fondle each globe of fat. It amazes him to see how easily they give beneath his nimble fingers and how they color. When Seokjin’s plaintive calls of his name finally get through he relents and instead uses his fingers to part the cheeks so that he can at last get a peek of the pink hole. It looks so small, it makes Taehyung worry whether he will fit.

But another whine comes from Seokjin and it makes him overlook his doubts and he gently brings a lubed finger to the hole. Once he has circled around the orifice enough to make Seokjin relax and make sure he isn’t clenching anymore, Taehyung penetrates his hyung with a finger. The soft, squishy warmth is exhilarating but it is nothing compared to the feeling of ample amount of lubricant he senses within the channel. Taehyung finds out, as Seokjin progressively relaxes, that he doesn’t really have to spend too much time preparing his lover. 

Within moments Taehyung is four fingers deep and Seokjin hasn’t shown any discomfort, rather he is only whining, his hands restless as they grip the bed covers.

So Taehyung pulls out his fingers slowly, his lips kissing up the knobs of Seokjin’s spine to placate him. With his chest now pressed close to his hyung’s Taehyung finally brings his hips flush against the lube covered behind. Seokjin jerks when the younger’s hardened length brushes against him. Taehyung’s lips latch onto the neck that has been thrown back.

Whimpers fill the quiet space of the bedroom as Taehyung pushes his cock more, pressing it against the hole, wedging it between Seokjin’s bubble butt. Even though he is also breathing heavily, staving off his orgasm, the teasing continues. It is enough to make Seokjin beg and plead to Taehyung to just put it in.

But once he does, Seokjin clenches so hard that Taehyung has to stop and he changes tactics.

He moves around to hover over Seokjin and takes the older's cock in his hand. He has the audacity to chuckle.

“Hyung, your cock is so cute, just like you.”

If he could, he would smack Taehyung the upside of his face, but Seokjin is crying, covering his face and lying there helpless. The younger uses one hand, it's enough to engulf Seokjin's cock so small it is, to press and release, making Seokjin whine.

Then he uses his other hand to tweak one of Seokjin's nipples. Before he can put into words his protest Taehyung leans down and uses his lips to suck a perky bud into his mouth.

Despite the embarrassing sounds falling from his lips, Seokjin tries to push his lover away, ashamed of just how sensitive he is, there.

But Taehyung finds out soon enough. Because Seokjin orgasms. Once he feels the warm, sticky release paint his belly he reluctantly lets go of the swollen nipple and comes up to look at Seokjin’s face.

He has a self satisfied smirk adorning his face and his beloved hyung looks out of breath and ravished.

He asks Seokjin if he's ready and Seokjin is still recovering, still trying to come down from the high.

He doesn't reply and Taehyung doesn't wait for it. He enters in one push and Seokjin is winded. He goes slow, with deep angled thrusts, but each executed deliberately making sure his lover feels every inch of his length and every single thrust.

Having just crested his peak, Seokjin is inconsolable as his abused hole is breached again and again. His hiccups sound like a sweet melody to Taehyung who intertwines his fingers with those beautifully crooked ones and leans down to drink up the tears falling wantonly. The cherry lips are open, sinful sounds coming out of those, riling Taehyung up even more. 

As he picks up speed, railing into his beloved hyung with an urgency, he grabs a knobbly knee and folds the older in half. The other knee still stays splayed under Taehyung’s hulking figure, his hips do not stop. This angle hits deep and Seokjin screams Taehyung’s name loudly as he cums, painting the younger’s toned belly with his release once again.

Taehyung follows soon enough, claiming Seokjin’s lips as he reaches completion.

He collapses right on top of Seokjin, head buried on the soft pink chest littered with bruises. Dainty fingers caress his shoulders before moving up his neck to get entangled in the short black hair which is yet to grow out. They gently rub his forehead, lulling him into a sense of home and comfort he hasn’t felt for so long.

So fucking long.

This. It feels so safe. Engulfed in the warmth and love of Seokjin. It feels complete.

He feels complete.

And his love, it is no longer unrequited.

Maybe, it never was.