Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Three days later, Laura stepped into the school tent, her lips curving up into a smile as she inhaled the familiar scent and gazed at the empty tables. At a soft noise, she turned her head slightly. “It’s good to be back here.”

“Are you sure you should be?” Tory Foster stepped into the tent behind her. “I think he meant for you to go home and rest…he bandaged your ribs and ankle up, but…”

“What he meant and what he knows I’ll do are separate things.” Laura stepped forward slowly. “However, I think I’ll let you do the wandering through the tables today, I just want to catch up. Maybe look at some papers.”

“They’ll have questions.” As she watched Laura, Tory bit her lip anxiously.

“I know.” Reaching her desk, Laura sank into the chair with a sigh. “And what questions they don’t ask, their parents will as soon as they realize. But I need them as well.”

“Here.” Tory set a cup of weak tea on the desk as Laura shrugged out of her coat, leaving it over the back of her chair. “I went ahead and continued with the lesson plans…” as she continued telling Laura about where the children were, she was oblivious to Laura’s suddenly pale face until she looked up. “Laura?”

“Fine.” Frak it. She couldn’t start to pass out every time someone mentioned the word plan…Taking a deep breath, she managed a weak smile. “Let me see some of the essays…”

“Here’s the most recent batch.” Handing Laura a stack of papers, Tory watched her closely. “I’m going to go ahead and set up for the day.”

“Fine.” Gesturing absently, she stared down at the children’s handwriting, becoming absorbed in their stories until a gasp caused her to raise her head.

“Miss Roslin!” With a shriek, a small girl dropped her jacket to the floor and ran toward the desk, as her shocked mother stepped inside.

“Kaitlin.” Pivoting, Laura held out her arms as the small body rocketed into them, eliciting a soft gasp from her. “Well hello to you too.”

“I knew you’d be back!” The small girl twisted slightly. “See Ma?”

“Indeed.” The woman continued to stare as she picked up her daughter’s dropped jacket. “It’s…so good to see you back. Really. Are you…”

“I’m fine.” Laura smiled. “And glad to be back teaching.”

“Why’d you stay away so long?” The girl asked, just as three other children ran in, catching her attention. “Miss Roslin’s back!”

Moments later, Laura was surrounded by children, their parents in a stunned group just inside the tent flap. Finally subduing them enough so she could talk, Laura raised her voice so the parents could hear. “Yes, I’m back, and I’m so glad to hear that Miss Foster and Maya have been working with you while I was in meetings. But, I’m back now.” She reached out and touched one of the children’s hair and smiled at the parents. “And I don’t plan on going anywhere.” Waiting until the parents relaxed, smiling slightly, she returned her attention to the children. “And I want to hear all about what you’ve been up to, but we have a lot of time for that.”

“All right children,” Tory stepped forward and gestured toward the tables. “Let’s get your books out and show Miss Roslin what we’ve learned about multiplication tables…”

Using her desk to help her stand, Laura slowly rose as the children moved to their assigned seats. Making her way across to the parents, she smiled. “Thank you for letting your children continue at the school.”

“Knew they were safe here.” One of the men stated softly. “Glad you’re back Madame…Miss Roslin.”

“I’m glad to be back.” Her smile widened as she spoke to each one, taking their hands as she did. By the time she finally finished speaking to them and greeting the newcomers, she was exhausted, but still smiling. Wearily, she returned to her desk, watching as the children recited their assignments.

“Excuse me.” At the soft voice, Laura turned to see the first woman she’d spoken to easing her way in through the rear tent flap. “Miss Roslin?”

“Yes?” She watched as the woman moved to her desk, an object in her hands.

“It gets chilly in here, and since you don’t look like you’ll be able to move around a lot for a few days, I thought you might want to use this…” She held out a small blanket. “For your legs. If you’d like. I just know what it’s like not being able to move around, I mean I wasn’t meaning to intrude, but thought it might help. When you don’t need it, you can send it back with Kaitlin, or pass it along to someone else who might.”

“Thank you.” Laura’s smile warmed. “I am a bit…sore, and had planned on remaining at the desk most of the day, this will be lovely.”

“You’re welcome.” With another nervous smile, she turned and left the tent as Laura watched her.

The small gift seemed to become the pattern throughout the day, as parents or older siblings brought small items that Laura really hadn’t missed but did make her day slightly easier…several cups of hot tea were brought throughout the day, a cushion for the back of her chair, a small table that fit next to her desk, little things that brought a smile to her face.

When the day finally ended, she gave a final hug to Kaitlin and leaned against the desk, watching Tory and Maya clean up the few things that hadn’t been put away. “I’m exhausted.”

“It was too soon.” Tory bit her lip. “The Doctor’s going to be upset.”

“I’m not upset.” Cottle stepped into the tent.

“Busted.” Maya giggled and moved to the rear of the tent. “See you tomorrow, Tory…Laura.”

“I believe I stated five days of bedrest before attempting a day at school.” He crossed the tent to face Laura. “Did I not?”

“Did you say five?” She blinked at him. “I thought it was three. And besides, you had people running in every hour with medicated tea for me.”

“Least I could do with your idiotic move.” Checking her pulse, he lifted an eyebrow. “And if I’d said three, you would have been in here two days ago, so no complaining.”

“No energy to complain.” She admitted as he lifted the back of her sweater to check on several of the stitches he’d put in. “But, a good tired.”

“I still don’t want you alone at night.” He glanced at Tory.

“I’ll be fine.” Laura sighed. “Besides, I’m watching Nicky for a bit tonight, so the Chief and Cally already offered an extra cot. So, there.”

“Right.” Cottle sighed. “All right. Chief and Cally’s tonight, Tory stays with you the rest of the week. Or you come back to my tent…”

“Really?” She teased, her eyebrow lifting. “You’d take advantage of a recuperating woman?”

“Don’t start. And you know very well what I mean.” Closing his bag, he tilted his head. “Come on, I want to run a couple of tests, then I’ll walk you to the Chief’s.”

“Tory, I’ll see you in the morning?” Laura smiled. “You’ve done wonderfully with the children, really.”

“Both they and I are really glad you’re back though.” Tory smiled. “See you in the morning.”

“And here you go,” Cottle held out Laura’s coat. As they emerged onto the alley, he glanced at her. “Ready for this?”

“For being stared at?” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as she pulled her hat over her hair. “That’s nothing new.”

“No, for what you’re getting ready to start tonight.” As shocked gasps sounded when people realized who was walking next to him, he grimaced.

“It’s already started.” She replied coolly, smiling at the few people they passed. “I’m just getting back on board.”

“You nearly died.” Cottle muttered.

“Hundreds…thousands already have.” Laura stopped and faced him. “Don’t start with me…” her voice trailed off in shock as she stared past him.

“Laura?” Whirling, he stared at the woman approaching them then unconsciously stepped in front of Laura, shielding her.

“So nice to see you out and about, Doctors.” D’Anna Biers smiled coolly at them. “I do hope there’s nothing wrong.”

“Just a checkup.” Cottle jerked his head toward Laura. “She can be a bit stubborn about those.”

“Hmm.” D’Anna’s smile widened. “Well then, I won’t keep you. Until later then.” Stepping around them, she continued down the alley.

“Bitch.” At the soft whisper, Cottle grinned and looked over his shoulder.

“You can let go of my coat now.” He chuckled as she stared at where her hands had dug into his jacket. “And you’re as weak as a kitten right now, wouldn’t have stood a chance with her.”

“And to think I handed her the story of a lifetime.” Laura released his jacket, patting it back into place where she’d wrinkled it. “Frakking good piece, but at least I know now how a lot of information was transferred back. And people wonder why I wanted to airlock the press every once in awhile. Or more frequently.”

Cottle burst out into laughter and tucked her hand into his arm. “Let’s go wildcat.”

“Airlock.” She glanced at him. “Earned the name fair and square.”

“Too obvious.” He chuckled, Laura joining him as they entered the medical tent.

***

Laura sat at the desk staring blindly at the pictures she’d spread out, faces of people she’d known, or at least thought she’d known…others she might have seen, but wasn’t sure. How many of them had just given up and started believing that they truly were helping their own by becoming part of the police force, unwilling or unable to realize what was truly happening. A syndrome of becoming close with the captors, and sympathizing with them, assisting them…she shook her head, her fingers tracing over the faces in the pictures. She’d told Tory that she couldn’t believe, but she could…inherently, most people wanted to believe the good, and if unable to help one way, searched for another way. Unfortunately for these, what they believed would help was only another way for the Cylons to dominate them, to defer the anger and contempt for the Cylons onto other New Capricans. Why bother exterminating us when we’re doing such a good job of it ourselves…

Choking back a sob, she wiped at the tears she hadn’t realized were running down her face, and gazed at the faces in front of her. All ages…Sagittarians, Capricans…the faces represented all the colonies…this one…she drew it out of the stack to look closer at the man, she remembered someone suggesting him for the insurgency, and Saul forbidding it, saying he was too easily swayed, in conversations during a pick up Pyramid game some of the others had agreed…and here he was, had he just been looking for something to join, somewhere to belong…her mind drifted back to a conversation she’d had one night….

“More?” Bill held up the bottle.

“No,” Laura smiled and swirled what was left of her ambrosia in the glass. “I’m good. Besides, you don’t have to walk in high heels after drinking this.”

“I should hope not.” Chuckling, he sealed the bottle and replaced it in the cabinet. “So, you were saying…”

“Is it wrong to want to believe the best in people?” She sighed. “One would think that trying to survive would bond us together, yet every day, there are more and more reports crossing my desk of divisive groups, fighting…I know it’s unrealistic, but part of me just wants to believe that having the common goal of survival would bond us together.”

”Laura Roslin.” He shook his head, settling back on the couch next to her. “No one would believe you’re such an idealist.”

“She’s different from the President.” Laura sipped her drink. “How do you do it, with your soldiers, your crew. How do you know who to trust? You’ve been dealing with cross cultural societies for years, in the political realm…it was different.”

“Different?” Raising an eyebrow, he tilted his head toward her.

“In politics you trust no one.” Her voice had taken on a bitter tone now, and she took another swallow of ambrosia. “You work with people, yet the overwhelming impression is what you can get from them, and why your point of view is the most important, and how you can divert funding to your projects…and above all, you trust no one.”

“You hated it.” At his soft comment, her eyes cut to meet his gaze. “It ran against every fiber of your being, but you did it for the children.”

Laura’s lips curved up slightly. “What makes you say that?”

“I’ve seen you. You’d do anything for the children. You light up around them.” Reaching out, he traced her cheek, “you should have had some.”

“No,” her smile disappearing, she focused back on her glass. “I would have frakked it up. I wanted to be the mother my mother was…and I could never have done that. I wanted the relationship she had with my father…and didn’t find it when I could have had the family I wanted. So, I became active in the political realm to speak for the children and teachers that couldn’t. Those who did focus on the family and the individual classrooms.”

“Laura…” Still touching her chin, he drew her back around to face him. “Don’t belittle yourself. You made a difference, you impacted millions of children on all the colonies.”

“And there were so many more that I couldn’t.” She pulled her chin away and drained her glass. “But, back to topic at hand.”

“Laura.” Softly, he leaned forward and kissed her gently, “breathe.”

“I’m fine.” Dropping her gaze to her lap, she shook her head. “Politics. You trust no one, because they all want something from you. So, how, do you know who to trust when you need to?”

“Outside of politics.” Shifting his body to angle more toward hers, he lifted and arm and waited as she automatically curled up against him. “In a hypothetical world involving people we know…”

“That makes sense.” She toyed with her empty glass, still staring down.

“In the military, everyone is trained, indoctrinated to a point for consistency. In a battle, as you know, to hesitate is to not only die, but to possibly kill others you’ve sworn to protect. To obey orders. As a viper pilot…you have to trust that the pilot on your wing is going to do their job, that as a squadron, you’re going to work as a single entity, depending on each others strengths.” Bill tipped his glass and poured some of his remaining ambrosia into her glass. “You have to look into their eyes and trust. Trust that by that point you can.”

“Civilian life isn’t like that Bill.” Laura shifted, tucking her legs up underneath her as she settled closer to his warmth.

“I know.” He sighed. “Frakking civilians.”

“Hey!” She elbowed him, “I’m one of those frakking civilians.”

“No,” Chuckling, he kissed the top of her head. “The syntax order is slightly different for you, Professor Roslin.”

“Stop.” Giggling, she shook her head. “And answer the question. It may be important to me someday.”

“Who to trust? And how?” Bill sighed and lifted his glass to his mouth as she did the same. “Frak it all Laura, if that should happen, look into their eyes, into them. If there’s anything that may make you doubt them, a speck, a hint, a misspoken word, and your life depends on it? Don’t trust them.”

“And people say politics are cold.” She sighed.

“No. Politics you go into it knowing that people want something from you, it’s a matter of finding out what. This is different. There may be no blatant motives, it may be layered. It may be someone wanting something for someone else, for another reason.” His hand toyed with her hair, “you know this Laura.”

“I know.” Her voice was quiet. “Which is why I need to know how.”

“You ask questions. The hard ones. You look deep.” He turned her head so he could see her eyes. “You realize that they may have good intentions, but not have the full scope of realization or reality. You have a core of people you rely on to keep you honest and trustworthy. You realize there are times people may have a second chance…and there are times…” She nodded slowly. “If something happens…”

“Don’t start.” Her hand unconsciously drifted to the scar on his chest, hidden by his uniform.

“If something happens.” He repeated firmly, his cheek resting on the top of her head. “You go to Saul. I trust him with my life. Cottle too. Lee’s still finding his way, but his passions…and Kara, you go to her if you can’t find Saul. They hate each other with a passion, but they’ll steer you right. Keep you true. Below decks…Chief Tyrol…Racetrack, Hot Dog…they’ll keep you safe.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you.” She laughed softly. “Gods, I sound like a bad novel.”

“Laura.” He looked down at her and tugged her hair gently, waiting until she looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m not joking around here. And I’m telling you this as Laura, as well as the President. Understand? You know deep within yourself who you can and will trust.”

“Got it.” She managed a weak smile just as the phone buzzed. “And that would be my shuttle…”

“You and that frakking job.” He teased gently, standing and crossing the room toward the phone. “Although I don’t really want to imagine anyone else doing it.”

“Secret?” Waiting until he’d acknowledged the call and let them know she was on her way, Laura stood, placing her empty glass next to his on the table.

“Yes, Madame President?” Returning, he held her hand as she carefully stepped back into her shoes.

“I can’t imagine anyone else doing it either.” Her gaze met his levelly.

“So, we have an election to win.” His eyebrow lifted.

“I do.” She smiled sadly, “the military can’t be involved, you know that.”

“I do.” He echoed her statement softly. “But you know you have my, our full support.”

“Good to know.” Laura leaned forward and kissed him gently. “And you, my trust.”

“Likewise.” Bill nodded and stepped back, offering her his arm. “Madame President?”….

As the ground shuddered beneath her, Laura’s gaze jerked up from the pictures in front of her. Standing, she moved to the flap of the tent and opened it, staring at the pillar of smoke. “He did it…Oh dear gods…” Her eyes filled with tears at the thought of Duck, now reunited with his Nora...Returning to the table, she quickly piled the pictures together and slid them back into the worn envelope. Pulling on her jacket, she tucked the envelope into a pocket then glanced around her tent, eyeing the sparse belongings to make sure she’d not left anything that would be traced back to anyone else if it…when it would be searched. Slipping through the flap, she edged through the people moving toward the smoke, making her way to the tent that served as the church and stepping inside. Meeting Tory’s gaze, she moved forward slowly. “He did it.”

“I know.” Tory nodded, watching Laura cautiously. “You know what that means.”

“Yes.” Laura took a breath. “I do. I don’t like it, but I do. I hate that it’s coming down to one of the Dorvals did it on the Galactica so we’re justified in it…”

“You couldn’t have stopped him.” Tory stepped forward, her voice hushed. “You tried, both directly and by going to Colonel Tigh and Sam. He was going to do it with or without our support.”

“I know.” Laura shuddered. “It was in his eyes.” She knew the look of loss in his eyes, she faced it in her own every morning when she glanced in the small mirror, before hiding it away for another day, unwilling for anyone else to bear witness to it. “You need these. They’ll be coming for Saul and me again, and who knows who else.” She held out the packet of pictures. “Keep them safe, hide them, do whatever...”

“I’ll get them to Sam, he has a place…” Tory took the packet. “Where…”

“Here.” Laura replied simply. “Go on.” When Tory reluctantly left, Laura moved to a candle and lit it, closing her eyes as she began to pray. A few minutes later, she knelt in front of a small altar, her lips still moving in silent prayer. Opening her eyes, she gazed at the flickering light, tilting her head slightly as she considered her last several trips to the ever so nicely named ‘detention center’. This one…it just didn’t matter anymore. She’d taken what they’d done to her, from the psychological to the physical dehumanizing…she didn’t have anything left at this point but what she’d started with. The belief that Bill Adama would return for them. Somehow.

The battle had turned…all she wanted, gods help her, was some peace, some safety for her people, and yet…by not being able to stop Duck, she’d just justified one of them killing others of them. While she was still coming to terms with it on one level, on a logical level, she knew she wouldn’t have been able to stop him, yet…her eyes closed as she finished her prayers, waiting for the sounds of the Cylons searching yet again.

Chapter Text

“How bad this time.” Cottle moved forward as Laura slowly entered the tent, automatically moving the curtained cubicle in the back, not that there was anyone else around in the middle of the night.

“Maybe I’m getting accustomed to it.” Slowly she eased herself onto a bed, setting her glasses on the table next to it. “Any time I can walk out under my own power…no matter what time they decide to release me.”

“Jacket off.” Opening his desk drawer, he pulled something out before continuing to her side. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” Allowing the jacket to fall behind her onto the bed, Laura took the bracelet he handed her and slid it back on her wrist, letting a sigh of relief as the cool metal warmed against her skin.

“Deep breath.” Sliding the stethoscope up her back, he listened carefully, moving it around. “You still have that cough?”

“Not as bad.” Her breath hissed in as his hand brushed against a sore spot.

“That’s it. Sweater off.” He met her glare with a raised eyebrow. “Now. I need to see it, you know that.”

“Fine.” Laura slowly eased her sweater up over her head, wincing as muscles pulled in her back.

“Frak it….Laura.” Reaching out, he pulled his hand back at the last second. “On your front now. Lying down.” When she obeyed, burying her face in her hands, he gently unfastened her bra, wondering how she’d managed. “How long and with what?”

“Don’t know. And the usual, fists, some pieces of wood…a belt.” As he cleaned the cuts on her back, she let out a soft whimper. “Sorry.”

“Your back is torn up and you’re sorry that you let out a little tiny cry?” Choking back his own disgust at the state her back was in, he sighed. “Laura, you didn’t even let out a scream when I was stitching up that tiny five inch cut in your side. You could give lessons in stoicism.”

“Well, when one has almost…” she choked off another gasp, “frak…almost died once, this is almost anticlimactic. At least this I can fight against.”

“Almost done.” Finishing with the last cut, he straightened. “The cuts aren’t bad, I’m just going to bandage them, however, you’re going to be bruised for some time. For now, I’m also putting a salve that will numb the area for a few hours.”

“I can live with that.” Laura scrubbed the tears that had fallen off of her face. “And?”

“Um, and…” He blushed as he pressed a bandage over one of the cuts. “Um, well, I’d rather you not wear…”

“Doctor.” Laura frowned. “I’m not going without a bra. So unless it’s an order…”

“Not going to make it one. Just don’t be stupid.” He grumbled. “Or pigheaded.”

“I heard that.” She turned her head slightly. “I’ll be careful. It’s not like I have a selection of itchy lacy undergarments that might hurt.”

“And that’s something I’d rather not discuss with the former President, thank you very much.” Gingerly, he refastened her bra. “Comfortable?”

“Yes.” Laura couldn’t resist the brief moment of light in the darkness of the night, “you’re quite good at bras, Doctor Cottle.”

”So I’ve been told. Although it’s usually my unfastening skills that are being referred to.” He retorted. “So, sweater back on before you catch a chill. I’ll be right back to finish up.”

“Promises, promises.” Gingerly, she sat up and pulled the sweater back on before carefully lying back, using her jacket as a pillow.

“You know, the fact that you know what’s coming next in these exams isn’t good.” Cottle slid his hands along her side, watching her face. “There?”

“Mmm.” Eyes closed, she winced slightly. “There was more talk, except for my back, the rest is from last time.”

“Talk?” Continuing his exam, he glanced at her face.

“Yeah.” Laura lifted a hand to her head, covering her eyes. “Baltar himself came to see me.”

That caused him to stop and stare up at her. “Baltar?”

“He…” She shook her head, unable to find the words for a moment.

Cottle took a deep breath and crossed the room, returning a moment later with a glass of water. “Come on, sit back up.” Helping her sit up on the edge of the bed, he handed her the glass and two pills. “For the headache I know you’re trying to hide.”

Laura smiled weakly. “Not hide. Deny.”

“Same thing.” He perched on the edge of the bed next to her. “You weren’t in favor of Duck’s plan.”

“No.” She whispered, staring at the glass still clenched in her hands. “I know he felt he had nothing…and so much anger, but still…”

“You couldn’t have stopped him,” carefully he took the glass out of her hand and set it on a table before taking her hands and squeezing them. “Laura, I know you tried. But, there was no way you could have.”

“We’re killing ourselves now.” She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “What do we even need the Cylons for any more? And I’m supposed to defend what we did…and I can’t and he knows I can’t…which he now…I tried…but I couldn’t…and he…” Laura broke down in sobs as he awkwardly slid his arm around her shoulders, tightening it as she turned her face into him. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t be…”

“It’s okay.” He glanced toward the curtain, glad he’d pulled it to shade them from anyone else who happened in, which happened all too often in the middle of the night now. “It’s okay. No one else has to know, Laura.”

“We’re killing ourselves….” She choked out. “And the son of a frakking bitch Baltar…gods…what have we done, what have I done….”

“Shh,” patting her arm, he sighed. “Laura, you know what needs to be done now.” She nodded against his chest. “Just let it out, I won’t tell anyone…”

“Doctor patient confidentiality.” Laura sniffed again and slowly pushed herself upright, refusing to meet his eyes as he handed her a towel. “Thanks.” With a final sniff, she wiped her face.

“Don’t mention it.” He leaned forward. “And definitely don’t mention this to the Admiral. I like my job and rank.” That statement earned him a slight smile as she stared at the towel in her hands. “No new physical injuries other than your back…anything else?”

Her head shot up. “Wait.” Laura closed her eyes, trying to remember. “There was something…after processing…”

“Relax, it will come…” Cottle watched her face, her emotions playing across it as she tried to remember what she wanted to. Waiting her memories out, he reached for a cigarette and absently lit it.

“One of the Cavil’s was taking me to my cell…” She frowned slightly, remembering his shove as she’d squinted, trying to see her way in the dim light. She’d landed against another body, its hands running along her body with a familiarity that had made her shudder. Then Leoben’s voice had murmured in her ear…something about…it wasn’t important, but what was…

“Hair.” She looked at Cottle. “That was it. It didn’t register until later, when I was in the cell. When he had me, I was more afraid it was leading to…” she shuddered, “again, but he was preoccupied, Cavil grabbed me back and pushed me into a cell. But, on Leoben’s shoulder…there were some strands of hair.” Her gaze grew distant. “I don’t think it was wishful thinking…but, they were long and blonde. Like Kara’s. And if any of them would have known where she was…it would have been him.”

“Starbuck?” He exhaled a cloud of smoke, and leaned forward. “You think she’s still alive?”

“I think so.” She glanced at him, “she might be. But I don’t know.”

Cottle nodded slowly, inhaling the cigarette. “Good. Leoben didn’t do anything to you this time?”

“No.” Laura shuddered, “not this time.”

“You want to stay here the rest of the night or head back to your tent?” He gestured with the cigarette. “Despite your saying they didn’t do anything, I’d rather keep you here for what remains of the night.”

She nodded slowly, “that’s fine. If I fall asleep, you need to wake me up early. I need to go see Saul and Sam. First.”

“I’ll make sure.” Standing, he leaned over and picked up a pillow, “this will work better than the jacket.”

“Thanks.” Taking it, she curled up on her side, pulling her jacket over her.

“I do have blankets you know.” He tossed one to her.

“I know.” She gazed at him, propping herself up to drape the blanket over her legs. “Thanks.”

“Call me if you need anything.” Watching, he waited until she settled back down. “Or if you start feeling any pain you don’t have right now. I’ll wake you up in a few hours.”

“Thanks.” Laura whispered again, closing her eyes until she heard the curtain close and couldn’t smell his cigarette any more. Staring into the dim light, she let her mind wander and the tears fall onto the pillow.