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Chapter Text

PROLOGUE

July 30^th, 1993

London

Her hands have been shaking for the past fifteen minutes.

Nerves finally kicked in.

It was a strange almost foreign feeling. One she didn’t think she was capable of feeling anymore.

Especially after spending decades in a never-ending state of self-inflicted numbness that came from her inability to properly deal with the tremendous amounts of pain that was afflicted upon her.

So here she was, trembling like a leaf, caught in a light summer breeze, desperately trying to look composed and serious.

But despite the nerves and the anxious trembling, Rey was incredibly excited about this day.

She travelled all the way to the United Kingdom to interview about her book that to her complete surprise, sold thousands of copies in the West.

After spending three long decades in forced silence the day has finally come when she can openly discuss an event that changed her life and the content of the book that she poured her heart and soul into. But more importantly, she couldn’t believe that there were so many people interested in hearing her story. And the stories of many others who shared a similar fate as her.

“3 minutes.” The man with a headset said to her in a pleasant English accent.

She nodded, lightly touching the microphone that was clipped into her linen green dress, her other hand stroking her the smooth and round texture of her orange-amber necklace.

She looked at the mirror one last time. Sixties did very few people any favours, especially in the looks department, but Rey felt good in her skin. Her dark brown hair lost its rich shade and now there was a lot of silver woven into her braided bun. There were wrinkles around the green of her eyes, her smile lines were more prominent. She was still slender, even after giving birth to two children.

And yet for so many years she absolutely hated her frail figure.

To her, her life-long thinness was an unpleasant reminder of all those days spent in painful hunger and malnourishment. As a result, she spent her twenties and thirties hating what she saw in the mirror. From her thin frame to the scars all over her body and the creases on her face that were caused by the harsh climate she once lived in.

Rey remembered looking at herself in the mirror, that morning when she was seventeen, right before heading out the door and unknowingly walking into her demise and then a decade later seeing just the remains of who she once was.

To her, it didn’t look like she aged by ten years. At twenty-seven Rey felt like she already lived out her entire lifetime. Her body and essence were ready for eternal rest, preferably two meters under the ground. She felt completely hollowed out and her soul was permanently exhausted.

But with time she started to embrace the image she saw in the mirror and eventually that led her to the conclusion that there was no point in feeling sorry for herself or hating how she looked.

She came back home and that’s all that matters. And she had to thank her strong body and her unbreakable spirit for withstanding the cruel conditions she was forced to live in.

“Okay, get ready.” The same man said and finally heard the hostess speaking.

She exhaled the air that she wasn’t aware she was keeping in her lungs.

When she first got the call from her publisher, she thought it was a joke.

Rey knew that her book got noticed by foreign publications and it didn’t take long for it to be translated to different languages and finally reach foreign bookshelves, but a book interview in the UK sounded a bit unreal.

She spent her almost entire life seeing the West as a place she would never see in her entire life. The USA and UK seemed just as far away as the moon was. But in early 1991 the Iron Curtain that kept everyone in place fell from her country and for the first time, since before World War II, people were able to travel West outside its borders.

For over half a century travelling to the West was simply not possible to reach for Eastern Europeans and her knowledge of their culture or way of living was very limited. All the news happening on the outside world and inside The Iron Curtain were very minimal. An average person like her didn’t have access or the ability to get a hold of the latest world or local news. And if news somehow reached them, it would be weeks late. Calls were often monitored; newspapers couldn’t be released without the approval of the government. It was an extremely isolated world that she lived in. But that time was over and so, she could only guess that life out there was very different and the struggles that Westerners faced were nothing like the ones her family went through.

The food shops were often empty and if there was a shipment of food coming in, the line from the shop would snake all the way around the block. There were times when Rey had to immediately rush out after her workday ended, in order to meet up with her daughter, who’s been standing in the que for several hours after finishing with her school day. All this effort just to buy some meat.

Clementines and oranges were in the shops only on Christmas, and she tasted her very first banana only in the early seventies. She didn’t know that it was supposed to be eaten when the little black spots first start to appear. Instead, she waited until it got brown then she ate the mush with a teaspoon.

It was one of the best things she’s ever tasted.

Like most people who lived under The Iron Curtain, their family had to put in a lot of effort into growing vegetables and fruits themselves, just to have enough fresh and jarred food for the cold season. So, every year the four of them worked hard on their small plot of land, right when the planting season began in late March and ended in the middle of October.

And when her children were teenagers, they would sometimes buy smuggled vinyls with Western music. When she first found out that her kids had them, Rey got really angry. Western music was not legal and all it took was one neighbour reporting them to the authorities to get a knock-on the door from the ‘police’. But she later relaxed a bit when she found out that most of her neighbours were in possession of some illegal goods and none of them were the type to report others. When her daughter finally put on the vinyl into the player, her ears were greeted with the most incredible music. Rey’s favourite bands quickly became KISS and Abba. Sometimes the three of them would dance in the living room as Dancing Queen played in the background.

A pair of jeans were an absolute luxury. One time her son had to save up his salary for three months in order to afford a pair of smuggled Wrangler jeans. And most clothes that people wore were hand-sown. She and her daughter would buy fabrics in order to have their dresses made, because there were none in the shops.

And the only reason their family was able to afford a small Zhiguli car was because Poe had a medical disability that affected his mobility; thus, their family was eligible to get a massive discount on a car designed for a person with a disability. She and Poe put down the majority of what very little savings they possessed, but a car made their lives miles easier.

So, as she got ready for her trip abroad, three days ago, Rey couldn’t help but wonder if the lives of Westerners were any like the lives of Easterners.

Probably not.

But it didn’t change the fact that for the first time in her life, she had the ability and a chance to travel to a place that seemed not reachable. And she wasn’t about to miss out on this rare opportunity.

Rey accepted the offer to interview about her book and her manager started the visa process.

Now all she had to do was touch up on her English skills.

When she first got the call about appearing on television, her inner voice started screaming ‘NO’. Rey was not at all comfortable appearing in front of cameras with a bunch of people sitting in the audience, possibly judging every sentence that came out of her mouth. She was quiet and timid, often desperate not to stand out and appearing in front of an audience would completely pull her out of her comfort zone.

There was also the problem of the language barrier. She was a fluent English speaker, thanks to her late mother, but she desperately lacked the confidence. Rey spoke with a slight Eastern European accent, she stuttered often, and she was much out of practice.

But then her oldest grandson offered to give nana some English lessons to refresh her memory.

Rey had no idea how a six-year-old was already so fluently spoken. Every time when she tried asking her grandson how he knew English so well he would only say “Nana, you know I like cartoons”. That he did, so she stopped questioning it and just took those ‘lessons’ with strive.

So, when she finally felt confident in English and okay with the idea of appearing in front of cameras, she finally made the call and accepted the interview.

She had a new passport made. A tiny green book that had an emblem of her country. And for the first time in her life, she boarded a plane that took her a couple of thousand kilometres away from home.

And now she was about to walk on stage and answer some questions about her book on a morning show.

Her mind was all over the place.

“Okay.” the man nodded, and the show started and pointed his finger towards the stage.

“Good morning, Britain. I hope you all having a lovely Friday morning. We will start the morning show with an interview with a book author, whose book has been capturing everyone’s attention for the past few weeks.”

Rey nodded to herself as the woman continued.

“Around three years ago, The Iron Curtain fell after standing for more than half a century. Westerners finally got a glance into the lives of Eastern Europeans and historical gaps started to be filled in when once-hidden documents became public, and people started coming out with stories of their lives there. Our guest this morning is a woman who wrote a book about the memories of exiles who spent decades in Siberia after wrongfully receiving life sentences of life-long hard labour. Up until 1990, no one was able to publicly share any of these stories due to harsh censorship of the regime, but now after the restoration of her country’s independence, Renata decided to share the stories of their survival and her own. Please welcome Renata Solana!”

Rey exhaled deeply and started walking towards the host. She nodded gently to the people who were clapping for her. The lights were blinding her, but she pretended to not be affected by them.

“Hello. Thank you for having me here.” She shook the hostess’s hand and took a seat in front of her.

“Off the bat, I can’t express enough how captivated I was with this book. When I first began to read it, it was difficult to put it down, but there were also moments when I found myself unable to continue. It was too painful imagining what these people and you were put through.”

Rey nodded gently, with a small smile on her face, eyes not reaching the woman in front of her.

“Can you please start by telling us about yourself and what happened to you?”

This was the hard part. Summarising the most life-altering situation into a few sentences. Even after so many years passing by, saying it out loud never got any easier for her.

Memories started flashing through her mind.

The extremely harsh and long winters, the constant coldness buried deep in her bones.

The images of that wooden house that they lived in. The endless forests and the mountains that surrounded the village.

Cassandra’s warm brown eyes and her beautiful laughter. Her comforting hugs and the love she held for Rey.

The largest and warmest hands she’s ever felt, stroking down her back, soft lips kissing down her neck, the long nights spent in each other’s comfort and the overwhelming warmness that always came with his embrace.

Her scream when she saw him fall limp. The massive pool of blood spreading on the snow like a river in flood.

The field of frozen crosses and finally a mass of ill people who never woke up. 

There was no way she was going to cry in front of the cameras.

She inhaled deeply, allowing the memories to flow like a river and began putting everything into words.

“When I was seventeen, I was a war orphan who got caught stealing food from soldiers who were occupying my country. As a punishment, I received a sentence of lifelong hard labour. Within an hour of that event, I was forcefully shoved into a train wagon designed for transporting animals, with almost no belongings on me. After a month difficult travels, I found myself somewhere in the very depths of Siberia on the opposite side of the world. There, I spent a decade of my life working extremely long hours in harsh conditions and no real payment, desperately waiting for my sentence to be lifted and for a chance to finally go home.”

There was a pause from the hostess followed by an absolute silence from the audience. She seemed a bit in shock, like she didn’t know what to say to that, when in fact she knew exactly what this book was about.  Rey felt a little bit uncomfortable, like she said something wrong, and everyone was judging her right now. This was exactly why she feared interviewing about her book.

But to her surprise, the hostess quickly composed herself and looked into her note cards.

“I, uh... So, what exactly motivated you to write this book? Clearly, you depicted very difficult and vulnerable moments of your life and a lot of people perhaps would not be comfortable sharing such intimate and graphic details of their lives.”

“I was there for around ten years and on my journey back home I only had one suitcase on me. Not much, considering that I was there for a decade. But the most significant thing I brought back was the emotional baggage. For so many years I just couldn’t stop thinking of what happened to me there. I would lay awake at night not knowing what to do with my inner turmoil and all the vivid memories of that place. I knew that there were many people who went through similar or even worse events and perhaps they also found very little sleep at night when their dreams got transformed into a movie of the cruelness of Siberia. But there were also times when I did feel happy there and grateful that I got to know all these people who lived in my village. I was a lonely orphan who had absolutely no one in my life, but there, I was never alone. It felt like I had a family again and people who actually cared about me. But the happiness was so fragile, and it often got overshadowed by all the suffering that was inflicted upon me and my loved ones.”

Rey had to stop for a bit as painful memories started to flood again. She took a deep breath, ordering her heart to calm down and slowly continued with slight sorrow in her voice.

“And so, I couldn’t stop wondering about how many of us are out there going through the same struggle. I later found out that there were hundreds of thousands of people who shared a similar sentence as me. Who just got shoved on a train and sent somewhere far, far away. That train journey ended up being a death sentence for thousands. And the prospect of all the suffering and all those deaths just vanishing without any meaning or anyone's knowledge terrified me. So, I wanted to tell my story the stories of others like me to anyone who was willing to listen, and I do not think I could do this story justice without writing down all the ugly and difficult parts about life there.”

“As you mentioned, there are stories of others like you? People who were exiled to Siberia under similar sentences?

“Yes. When I first started writing it down, I knew that his book should have the stories of other people, as well. This event transpired so differently to each person and quickly it became my goal to show it from the perspectives of many others who shared the same fate as me. There were so many of us scattered all around Siberia. Many worked completely different jobs and their living condition were much different from mine, so it was important for me to show that my story is just one of many others and so my search for other exiles began.”

The hostess was doing an amazing job in keeping Rey comfortable in this interview. Her gentle demure kept her calm and she wasn’t so nervous anymore. She felt very strong.

"At first, finding exiles who were willing to speak to me wasn’t easy. I quietly asked my co-workers and friends if they knew anyone who came back from Siberia. Some were willing to help me and some quickly shut down the conversation, in fear of getting into trouble. Many people decided to bury this event as deeply as possible and never speak of it, plus talking about it was dangerous if the wrong person heard about it. So, at first, finding anyone who was willing to speak to me was a difficult task. But in the eighties a shift in politics became visible and people were becoming braver so, I managed to find quite a few people who were willing to talk to me about it. I spoke to fifteen people and more than half of them asked for me to remain anonymous, as they still fear for their safety, understandably.”

“You dedicated this book to book to those who never came back home. Could you tell me more about that?”

Rey nodded. Her eyes started to get wet a bit from that single sentence, and her heart was squeezing but she continued.

“That is correct. In the dedication I wrote, ’I would like to dedicate this book to those who never came back home’. When I came back, my birth city looked different - empty and grey, when before the war it was buzzing with life. When I started asking around about others, many people told me that they were waiting for their loved ones to come back. And slowly over decades, many families were reunited. But there were so many people who never came back. And my heart broke for them because I was very close to meeting the same fate. I almost gave up on being alive. And the heartache became heavier when I remembered that there were so many times when the only thing that kept us alive was the hope that one day we would all go home. But many did not survive long enough for that to happen. So, I dedicated my book to them; to those who never came back home.”

She had to stop for a bit. Her hand rubbed her chest a bit, right where her heart was beating. It was easy to forget how broken her heart was when she spent so many years hiding her past from her friends and even her children. But the truth was that her poorly stitched-up heart never stopped bleeding and saying these things out loud felt like ripping out threads from a wound that never healed. But most of all, her heart ached for all those people that she saw die.

The people she made coffins for all by herself and had to bury them with her own hands.

It was difficult and choking. But she had to do it because for what felt like the first time in her life, Rey had her voice again and it would be foolish not to use it.

“I’m sorry this must be difficult for you. Please take your time if you feel like stopping.”

The woman spoke in a gentle and soothing voice. It was comforting. She just smiled, her eyes a bit wet.

“No, no we can continue. Please.”

The hostess nodded, with a gentle smile that remained on her face as she asked the following question.

“Was there someone who encouraged you to write this book?”

“Yes, my husband, actually. When it became clear that his health wasn’t going to get any better, we started talking about our lives there. Up until then, it was like a skeleton in the closet, something we were both aware of but never discussed. But then I started sharing my idea of writing this book and interviewing others like us and he became my number one supporter. I think like me, he was scared that everything would disappear after our deaths. All the pain and suffering would meaninglessly be gone forever once our time on this earth has ended. He didn’t want that to happen and neither did I.”

“And if I remember correctly, he was on the same train wagon as you?”

“Yes. But before that, he was my classmate, but I didn’t see him for many years until he got placed in the same carriage as me. And a decade later we both came back, but not together.”

“But that’s very sweet, to think that you both survived, and both came back home and then got married.”

Rey stopped listening to the hostess for a bit. Her thoughts started drifting elsewhere.

She forgot how Westerners often viewed marriage as an act of love. For Rey, it was a marriage out of convenience and mutual understanding of pain that came from living in exile. She never regretted marrying Poe. He was always really good to her. Poe was her best friend and her lifelong companion. And marrying him meant that she never had to worry about her spouse demanding for her love. She could never give that to anyone.

Because her broken and bleeding heart belonged to someone else. Forever.

Poe knew that and he never asked for it.

“We both managed to come back, and we ended up settling down together because I had nowhere else to go, so he asked me to live with him. And a year after that he proposed to me because it just made sense. I wouldn’t call the situation romantic; it is more like two hurt individuals bonding over sleepless nights, painful memories and the heaviness of excruciating guilt. We both knew that marriage prospects were very poor for us because we were marked as criminals who came back after serving their sentences, meaning that nobody decent would ever consider either of us for marriage.”

“So, you didn’t love each other?’’

She anticipated questions about her marriage, but she still wished for the show hostess to skip them.

In the book, she ends her chapter with her reunion with Poe. It would make sense for the reader to think that her ‘happily ever after’ came when she was reunited with a decade-long friend, and they were finally able to live in peace. But things were more complicated than that.

Like Rey, in the deep and freezing nights of almost half a year-long winter, Poe found solace and comfort in a warm bed of a lover.

A person who he never stopped loving, until he breathed out the air out of his lungs for the very last time.

Rey never truly realized how similar they actually were, until she started writing her book.

She wished she could tell him that right now.

“I think I did have a lot of love for him as the father of my children, as my fellow companion but no, it was a loveless marriage. From the very beginning, we both knew that expecting romantic love from each other was not possible. So, together we went into this marriage without that expectation. And I never regretted it and neither did he. We simply lived in peace. And that was something we both craved for, especially after everything we were put through.”

When Rey was little, she saw a lot of love expressed to her by both of her parents. Culturally, physical love was not often shown in public or talked about amongst others. Most people showed affection through acts of service, not through words or physical affection. And if it was, no one knew about, it because it was expressed only in the privacy of their homes. But her parents were the exception. Her mother and father spent a great deal reminding her that she was a child born out of love. They always spent time with her; her mother taught her languages, and her father taught her how to paint and draw. And even how to play the piano. Although she wasn’t good at it. Even when they were in public, they often cuddled her and showered her with kisses. But she also saw how much her mother and father loved each other.  Her parents often held one another in public, they often kissed, even if she found it yucky as a kid. They were always kissing each other on the forehead, or each other’s hands and Rey never missed the affection in their eyes whenever they looked at one another. Before the war, they often played the gramophone in the evenings, and they would dance together in their living room. Her childish eyes would look at them from upstairs in absolute awe.

As a child, she couldn’t help but wonder if she would find love like that.

The love she found ended up being bigger than the one her parents had for each other.

But in the end, it was futile.

Rey came so close to reaching the ultimate happiness, but at the very end of her journey, she had to make the most painful decision of her life. A crossroad between him and something else. Something that was bigger than the two of them.

She made the right choice.

It only caused her the love of her life.

“And you are a widow?”

“Yes, I am. When I came back and saw him for the first time, I almost didn’t recognize him. I knew that something horrible happened to him, but he never shared it with me. It was too painful for him to put everything into words.”

She remembered seeing Poe for the first time, shortly after coming back. When he opened the door and she saw him she immediately felt like crying. He looked incredibly thin, all the muscles were gone, his gaze was hollow and that once warm gaze was completely gone. The lively Poe that she once knew died in Siberia and he was replaced by a shadow of his former self.

“We both were the same age, but his body suffered from illnesses. I later found out that he developed heart issues due to high stress and frequent hunger. That would also sometimes result in migraines. Poe also developed arthritis in his early thirties. He was often in a lot of pain. And I was there for him, taking care of him. So, when his body couldn’t take it anymore, I was there for him, holding his hand so that he didn’t go to the other side alone. He passed away five years ago, officially from kidney failure, and I lost my life’s companion and a person dear to my heart. It was difficult, but my children and grandchildren were always there for me.”

She had to stop for a second before she continued. Her heart began to ache for her late husband, just like it did when she became a widow. What she wouldn’t give up having Poe with her right now, to have him sitting in the audience and seeing that so many people actually cared to listen to her. To their collective voices.

“I just wish he lived long enough to see our country’s flag be finally raised on the streets. We both lived in hope that this day would come, I just wish he got to see it with eyes. To me, it wasn’t just a flag, but a chance to finally heal from wounds that had been inflicted for more than half a century. It was a tremendous relief and joy to finally see that day come.”

“Here we are also glad to finally be able to see you all as well. Did your children know about this?”

“Not for a very long time, no. My husband and I hid everything from them because we didn’t want that knowledge to influence their prospects in a career and even marriage. People like me and Poe were marked as criminals, even after having our sentences lifted. We both never finished school, so we never really got a chance at better careers. Poe and I worked as manual labourers up until retirement. But our children still had a chance to achieve something and hiding that knowledge benefited them more than knowing it. We only told them when they were in their late teens. To put it simply, they were both shocked.”

“I can imagine. And have you been in contact with anyone from that village?’’

“Yes, over the years I have exchanged letters with a few people who I befriended. That village doesn’t exist anymore. Everyone who once lived there either died or moved out to bigger cities.’’

“Is the Captain one of those people?’’

Rey smiled lightly and lowered her eyes looking at her hands on her lap. She rubbed her empty marital finger. There was still a dent from all those years when she wore it.

She closed her eyes, eyes for a few seconds.

There was an ocean inside her stitched-up heart. It was deep and dark and there were many painful things laying in the darkness of the abyss. She had days when a devastating storm would rage within her, bringing up debris from the very bottom. Painful memories and past traumas would be ushered back up, disturbing the clean water. Like wood or plastic, it would float around polluting the idyllic scenery. She would have to push it down again deep into the dark water and hope for it to never come back up. Sometimes it resurfaced for a valid reason and sometimes it was out of her control. But the love she had for him was the largest object laying at the very bottom. Just as wide and endless as that ocean she carried inside. And if one day it resurfaced as those little splinters sometimes did, it would completely overwhelm her heart. And there would be no more debris, no more waves and no more ocean – just him. That was the love she felt for him, even after all those years.

So, she answered with a timid smile on her face.

“No, I never heard from him again.”

-

The interviewer asked a few more questions about her life there and other details about the book.

And then it just ended.

She left the BBC building with a big smile on her face.

Rey couldn’t remember the last time she felt so light. Like a massive burden was lifted off her shoulders.

The sun was shining the birds were flying and her skin felt warm. Her green dress looked more olive-shaded than just green. She felt so happy at this moment.

She stepped onto the street and called for a taxi.

She knew where she had to go now.

“Are you alright, ma’am?”

“Yes, I am very well, thank you. And you?”

She saw the driver smile in the mirror above his head. She’ll never get over the strangeness of a total stranger asking her how she is.

“I am alright, thank you. Where to ma’am?’’

“Victoria and Albert Museum, please.’’

The driver nodded and the car started to move.

Chapter Text

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”  

-Albert Camus  

THE WINDS OF EXILE

PART I   

ADAPTATION  

Chapter II

Mouse Trap  

Eastern Europe,  

October 17th, 1948

Every Monday morning, at exactly 6 am, a small truck pulls up next to an abandoned school that’s been occupied by the military. It carries food and other goods used by the kitchen staff to feed the very same soldiers who collectively erased her country off the map.  

On board, it would usually carry bread, pasta, flour, canned fish or vegetables and occasionally some sweets and fruits. 

There is a strict unloading schedule: the truck stops at the very back of the building at 6.05 am, the driver leaves the car at 6.06 am and comes back with the kitchen staff at 6.20 am and then the unloading starts. Meaning that she has 5 minutes to safely get on the open back truck, steal as much food as she possibly can, and quickly escape into the woods that closely surround the building.  

She’s done this before. Many times, actually.  

She figured that if she was forced to steal food in order to survive, why not steal from the enemies? It’s a risky operation, but she moves very fast and painful hunger will force anyone to do things they normally wouldn’t. 

If her parents were still alive, they would go ballistic on her for doing this. Her mother and father would probably have a screaming match with her.  

They weren’t bad people. In fact, they were wonderful to her, and she missed them dearly. But they made the fatal mistake of leaving her alone when the soldiers in dark brown uniforms first knocked at their door. Dathan and Miramir thought if they could bribe the soldiers with money or gold jewellery, all three of them would be spared from whatever cruel fate waited for them. So, they kissed her on the forehead and told her to stay and wait and that they will be back very soon. They shut the outside door one last time, leaving her all alone in the empty house.  

They never came back for her. 

Soon after, she found their lifeless bodies on the asphalt road, right behind the front gates of their house. There wasn’t anything she could do but scream and weep whilst cradling their limp and bloody hands. 

The trauma and terror from witnessing the brutal deaths of her parents broke her tiny heart. In a matter of seconds, her parents became a wound in her heart that always bled in the same place where she kept them. Like a shrine built for the lovers that gave her life, her parents became an idyllic image of two young and beautiful lovers whose youths were forever frozen in time, and their beautiful faces were forever covered in blood in the same place where their shot wounds were. 

And from that day in 1941, she was left completely and utterly alone. An orphan, uncared, unloved and not needed by anyone.  

The seeds of pain and hatred were planted deeply in her heart, and something had been growing inside of her. Something that she couldn’t recognize or even understand its shape or purpose. But every time she saw bombs falling on her city, innocent civilian people lying dead on the street, and more families being ripped apart, that something would grow bigger, spreading its dark and mysterious branches around her wounded heart. 

When her parents died, she didn’t know how to proceed with life. Having them with her made her feel safe and loved, even when the sound of falling bombs roared in the background. Her mother would wrap her in a blanket and cover her ears. She would say: “It’s okay love, it’s just thunder” she knew that her mother Miramir was lying to her, but Rey never complained about it.

Her father, Dathan, always managed to find food somehow. Even when the whole country was starving. He was a superhero in her childish eyes. More often than not, there was no electricity in the house, so their nights were spent in candlelight. The three of them would eat dinner in the dim light and her father would tell entertaining folk stories about witches, snakes and princesses.  

But most importantly, having her parents with her made her feel safe. And without them, she had absolutely no one to care for her. In a blink of an eye, they were gone forever.  

And the terrors and cruelty of war never really stopped, despite it officially ending over 3 years ago. 

The West celebrated the end of a long and cruel war. The East continued to bleed, without anyone’s knowledge or care. In 1945 she saw newspapers that showed Westerners celebrating the end of the war in the streets. Large crowds gathering in squares or streets, people dancing, and embracing each other. It was a shocking sight. Celebrating the end of the war? What were they talking about, the occupants were still here, destroying every symbol, every possible reference to her country's identity. All the flags were burned, and the eastern border was completely erased. And the sea was the western border. Now, her country was bled into one massive piece of land. 

What victory were they celebrating? Her country was gone.Completely eased from the map. As were many others that bordered Eastern Europe. 

She soon realized that things were different in the West. The East didn’t matter to them. There won’t be any help coming. None. No rescuers or saviours were coming to put an end to all this suffering. The realization was frightening, and she already lived in constant fear. 

Fear of being stalked, robbed, starved to death, kidnapped or even killed. She lived with this daily. And her losses were immeasurable. She lost her parents, her friends and loved ones. Even her country. Everything she ever loved was either killed or stolen away from her. 

So, she decided to start stealing something from them in return. 

What she stole was nowhere near the scale of losses that she had to endure, but it’ll had to do. Because stealing from them ensured one more day of her survival. And for her to survive one more day was the best form of revenge that she could think of.  

Because Rey is a survivor. She has been for a large part of her life. And that was a battle she was never going to stop fighting. 

She knows it’s absolutely reckless and extremely dangerous, but taking something away from them felt good and that overshadowed every other fear she had. 

So, she did it again and again and again. Each time filling her with more euphoria and a sense of fulfilled revenge. 

She was hooked. 

It’s 6.03am, pitch black and she’s hiding behind a stack of crates, waiting for the truck to stop and the driver to leave the vehicle.  

She was staring at her father’s mechanical wristwatch that had the glowing in in the dark numbers, waiting for the arrows to stop at 6.10am, fidgeting with her parent’s wedding bands that were tied on a string that hung from her neck.  

She was wearing a thick dark navy-blue wool coat and 2 turtlenecks underneath. The boots on her feet belonged to her late father and the green headscarf that was wrapped around her head was her great-grandmother’s. Everything else was her mother’s. At seventeen, Rey was finally able to fit into her beautiful clothes. Not that she cared much about looks, she just wanted to be warm and comfortable.  

She also had a backpack with her. It was mostly empty, but she did have some essentials inside like a foldable knife, a pencil and paper, some expired medicine, a clean shirt, some underwear, for if she randomly got her period, a small metal water canteen, a metal tin box, and the only picture she still possessed of her and her parents.  

Rey would regularly pack a large backpack for her foraging trips that she took on most days. But now the cold season began, winter was closer than she thought, and nothing grew anymore.  

Darting back between her watch and the food truck, Rey felt unusually nervous this time. There was an unfamiliar sense of heaviness in her chest, that she couldn’t identify. But it didn’t matter really, because she was hungry. Rey absolutely needed to do this if she wanted to eat. If she missed this opportunity, chances were high that she wouldn’t eat for a week. 

So, she tucks the rings deeply under the layers of all her clothes and starts to run towards the truck.  

It was time. 

At 6.10 am she swiftly hops on the open back truck and starts rummaging through the food crates, quickly and quietly grabbing a little bit of everything. She finds loaves of bread, biscuits, pasta packs, apples, beets and carrots. 

A feast awaits her tonight.  

She stuffs everything into her backpack, almost filling it to the very top. As she’s about to hop off the truck, her eyes suddenly dart at a bucket containing raspberries. “Where the hell did they get those in October?” she thinks.  It didn’t really matter because they were her favourite berries, and she would be damned if she missed a chance to have them. 

She quickly pulls out the small tin box that she keeps in the small pocket of her backpack and quickly and gently starts scooping them inside, desperately trying not to crush them as her eyes dart at the truck’s exit.  

Turning her hand and looking at the watch on her wrist, she realizes that she has one more minute to spare until she has to make a run. She can spare that minute and enjoy her night in bliss over stupid raspberries. She’s never been caught, and the berries are here. Maybe the stars have aligned perfectly for her. Rey is in absolute bliss. 

Until in a blink of an eye, she feels something unfamiliar.

A phantom pain runs through her back, like a bucket full of freezing water that got unexpectedly dumped on her. The hairs on her neck stand up and her hands with the tin can, full of raspberries, immediately start to shake. 

Something bad was about to happen. She needs to run away immediately. 

Rey quickly attempts to put the lid back on, completely failing as her hands begin shaking too much, the darkness of the night completely blinding her vision, her heart pounding. She throws her backpack on her shoulders, the tin can still in her hands and quickly stands to run out. 

But time stops. Freezing at exactly at 6.16am. 

As a click of a gun reaches her ears. 

The small and quick mechanical sound shot directly into her heart, like a bullet that hadn’t even been fired yet. 

Cold sweat pours down her back and she freezes immediately.  

How did this happen? She didn’t hear a single thing before. Just her intuition sending every possible signal to run at the very last second. 

Her head turns slightly, and in the dark morning, she sees a soldier pointing a small gun at her. 

"Get out!"  he yells.  

She slowly rises to her feet, a backpack full of food still hanging from her back. Two more soldiers run out with guns and flashlights that blind her. 

She fucked up. She really, really fucked up.  

But they haven’t shot her. Yet. 

Rey drops the can of raspberries, spilling them everywhere, as they quickly grab her and start dragging her now half-limp body inside. One soldier on each of her arms and one behind her, pointing a gun at her back.  

Rey ended up stepping on the spilt raspberries, leaving a trail of red shoe marks on the wooden floor, as they dragged her through the long and dark corridor of the school. She would love to resist but that would most likely end in her getting shot right then and there.  

She’s never been so afraid in her life. Not even after losing her parents and being left all alone in the middle of a war. 

The soldiers shove her inside a room, and she finds herself standing in a relatively small and half-empty personal office. There’s a desk in the middle of the room and some filing cabinets located next to a window a massive map of what was her country hung on the wall, with X’s marked on larger cities and some villages. And of course, a picture hangs on the wall of the great leader of the regime. The very same leader who ordered her country to be absorbed into one single pool of red. 

Out of all the terrible places she could have ended up being killed at, this was by far the worst one.  

Her eyes finally landed on the man that sits behind the desk right in front of her. 

A handsome middle-aged man in a dark brown uniform sits behind the desk. He’s smoking a cigarette and filling out a huge stack of papers. He has short dark brown hair with some streaks of grey. She catches a small glimpse of his light blue eyes. But most importantly, the shoulder straps on his uniform he wears suggest that he’s higher ranked than the ones pointing their guns at her.  

The man doesn’t look up at her or the soldiers.

"Sir, we caught her stealing food from the truck. We think she might be the same thief who has been stealing from us for the past six weeks. We’ve been trying to catch her for a while, but she always managed to run away before we even got to the truck."

He remains silent, still filling out the papers and smoking a cigarette. She understood what the soldier was saying. After the death of her parents, she had to learn their language in order to survive.  

Her breathing picks up, cold sweat continues pouring down her back and she starts shaking a bit.  

In many ways, living alone in the middle of a war made her numb. The air sirens didn’t scare her anymore, having an empty and painful stomach became a usual feeling and guns became a well-known sight. But this was frightening to her. She felt paralyzed in fear. 

The man finally puts the pen down, exhales the smoke and places the piece of paper in the pile. He raises his head and takes a good look at her face. He stares at her for a minute, his eyes a little wide, as if he were surprised to see her. As if he recognized her. But Rey knew that she’d never seen this man before. 

The high-ranking soldier gets up and slowly starts walking around her in a circle, looking at her from head to toe. He finally stops in front of her and their eyes lock. 

Warm tears start falling down her cheeks as the man chuckles. 

"Caught stealing our food? Doesn’t surprise me – the poor thing looks malnourished!" He looks at her head to toe,  "Men! Go into the kitchen and bring us a plate of soup. We have a guest tonight and we’re both starving. And you, there!"  He points at the soldier who previously pointed a gun at her back. "Bring us a chair, it’s rude to leave a woman standing."

All 3 men run out of the room. 

Stunned she stood in silence not knowing what to do or how to act. 

The man sits back behind his seat and a chair appears on the other side of his desk. 

"Come, sit!"  She drops the backpack by her feet and slowly takes a seat. Her whole body still shakes from fear. 

The man picks up a brand-new sheet of paper. She then realizes that it’s some sort of a form or a document that needs to be filled in. 

"Full name?" He asks. It takes a while for her to snap out of the trance that extreme fear put her in. He repeats again with a higher tone. "I said, full name!"

"Renata Solana." She stutters, quietly. 

"So, you do understand me. Good girl.” Her shaking picks up even more. She tastes something disgusting in her mouth. "Names of your parents." 

"Miramir and Dathan Solana." She quietly adds, "Both dead."

"Any other relatives?"

"No."

"Do you have a trait or some sort of education?"

“No… I was taught in fine arts."

"An artist? Well, that won’t serve you much. However, I did meet quite a few artists on the battlefield. I suppose war and art go hand in hand together.” She doesn’t say anything to that. 

"Date and place of birth?"  he says. 

"1931 1st of March. I-" She choked a bit, but continued, "I was born here, in this city’."

"Seventeen? The same age as my daughter, actually." He continues, whilst writing. "Well, she would be 17 now if she was still alive today." He says with a slight undertone of bitterness. “Maybe she would be an artist, like you. Or a ballerina like her mother. Definitely not a thief who steals from good people."

Rey feels like she’s being mocked. Good people? She’s surrounded by the very same monsters who shot her parents. There is no kindness from them. None.  

Anger boils her blood. She closes her eyes exhaling deeply, warm air hitting her wet cheeks. She tries to compose herself and think of a way out. But nothing logical comes to mind because she doesn’t understand where this whole conversation is going. Is he going to feed her before putting a bullet in her head? Is he writing up a death certificate or something of that nature? Her body starts shaking even more. She starts gripping her hands that were placed on her lap, desperately trying to make them stop shaking. 

Her train of thought immediately stops as the other soldiers enter the room carrying plates of soup and pieces of bread with butter spread on top. The two men place a plate and a spoon in front of them both. She looks up at the older man, confused. 

"Eat girl, the food is not poisoned, and it is rude to decline breakfast, especially when it’s being offered out of forgiveness."  She doesn’t move an inch. The soldier gets visibly annoyed. "I said EAT!"

Rey flinches out of fear. This was the first time she heard him raise his voice. More tears start spilling down her cheeks. He looks up at her, slightly frustrated. The man finally gets up and takes his plate and switches it with hers. "There, no need to worry now, girl. A free meal should always be accepted when it comes from a gracious heart like mine."  

“There is no such thing as a free meal.” She answers him timidly.

The soldier looks her in the eyes, studying her face. He chuckles and adds. “No, I suppose there isn’t.”  

She finally picks up the spoon and starts timidly eating the soup. Three men still standing behind her. 

Silence falls as they both eat their soups. This was the most uncomfortable and terrifying breakfast she’s ever had. Maybe this was the very last meal she’d ever have. 

She tries to enjoy it, but her stomach is in knots and the food is just making her feel even more nauseous. 

The man finally and unexpectedly breaks the silence. 

“My daughter was a spitting image of my wife. So beautiful and bright. Having that little girl was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’’ He waves left his hand in the air. “Well, besides marrying my wife who was the most beautiful ballerina I’ve ever seen.’’ he takes a bite of the bread.“But then one day my little girl got sick with meningitis. I rushed her to the hospital, but the doctors couldn’t help her anymore. She died in my arms a few hours later." Rey didn’t say anything, she just lowered her head a bit.“My wife and I were crushed. Burying my child was the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. She was eight."  Silence started to set before he continued, “And shortly after, my wife died as well. I had her buried together with our daughter, where they both wait for me to join them.’’ He stopped eating for a minute, looking somewhere in the distance. “After that, I got a draft for war, and I haven’t been back ever since. So, for the past ten years, I’ve been pretending that my child and wife are still alive and comfortable at home. But that’s not the reality.” He stretches his arms out, enveloping the stack of papers on his desk.“So, now I just fill in all of these documents. And decide what to do with all of you here." He waved his hand in her direction. 

She felt a wave of anger wash over her. Whatever little sympathy she felt for him and his dead wife and daughter was completely gone. She would never feel sympathy for them. Never. But then something finally clicked in her brain.

He said "Deciding what to do with all of you." Some years back, she heard stories about people randomly disappearing from their homes and streets. That was one of the reasons why she was extremely cautious about every place she went to. But was this it? A soldier filling out paperwork with some random person’s details and deciding where they would disappear to? 

She looked up at him and he continued speaking after taking a few sips of his soup. 

"After 1945, I ended up being stationed here. I have to say, this place doesn’t look that different from where I’m from. Although, the language is strange for the ear. But the people are... well... Stubborn. Very stubborn. And quite foolish, if you asked me. They would rather face their demise than accept the new government.’’ He slurps the soup, continuing,“ But I think that the whole act is temporary if you ask me. Everyone accepts the reality sooner or later."  He takes a bite of bread. 

She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t think saying anything would be wise. 

But the chance of her being shot on the spot remained, so why not say something? It’s not like it would change planned the result.

Rey opened her mouth and for the first time she spoke in a full sentence, using their language. 

“You’re not wrong. We are in fact stubborn and strong-willed. But you won’t break us. Not at least all of us." She says meekly and picks up the spoon again. "As long as one person survives, hope will live on."

She didn’t know how she managed to keep her voice steady, as she spoke with absolute certainty in her tone. 

A small smile appears on her face. She knew that he wouldn't be pleased with her reply, so it made her question his sudden good mood. 

“Is that so? You don’t sound very certain about that, judging from your shaking hands. However, shall put this to a test?”  

Her brain stutters.

“W- What?”  

The soldier quickly finishes his soup and drops the spoon into the ceramic bowl, the noise echoing in her ears. He swiftly stands up and picks up the paper he was filling out when questioning her. 

“Renata Solana, you are charged with theft and criminal behaviour directed against The Working People’s Union. You are hereby sentenced to a lifetime of hard labour in Siberia. The train leaves in 2 hours.’’ 

Siberia? Is that what she heard? That can’t be right. It’s on the other side of the planet. 

Her ears start ringing and her vision goes black. Her whole body felt sluggish and light, but then all of a sudden adrenaline kicked in. She quickly stood, the chair behind her falling down and immediately two soldiers grabbed her by the arms, keeping her in place. 

"Wait! No! Please don’t send me away!"  She started thrashing around, screaming into his face and crying at the same time. 

The two men just pushed her arms behind her back to keep her in place. Her head falls down, tears from her cheeks rolling down and falling on the wooden floor. 

The sentencer just gingerly stands up from his chair. He gently removes his military hat; hair falling on his face. He places it on the table not too far from the empty plate of soup. He takes out a packet of cigarettes from his inner pocket, placing one between his lips, and lighting a lighter in a quick motion. He brushes his hair back and exhales the smoke, finally looking in her direction. 

"You know, you’re lucky that you fell into my hands. I’m not going to send you to a camp and I’m sure you know that others get way worse for way less." The man slowly approached her. He lifted her face up by putting a finger under her chin and gently wiped one tear away from her left cheek.  

She feels extremely violated. 

"Now you won’t have to steal anymore. You’ll earn food through work. I did a favour for a thieving girl."

She weakly tried to shake off the men gripping her arms, but their hold on her hands became even stronger. At that moment, she noticed him taking a really good look at her, one last time. 

“Do you want to know why I spared you, little mouse?” He gently strokes the same cheek. “You are a spitting image of my late wife. And seeing you made me realize how my daughter would have looked if she was alive today. You gave me a gift and I gave you one in return. So, consider yourself lucky, Renata Solana.’’ He stared at her, eyes piercing blue.“You can keep the food you stole for your long journey. I’m sure you’ll need it a lot more than we do here.’’ He said quietly and dropped his hand from her face.“Men, take her to the railway station!’’  

"No! Let go of me! You monster!’’ She was thrashing around, trying to resist, but they dragged her out of the room and showed her into a car. 

She couldn’t stop weeping. 

- 

It was still a bit dark, but Rey could see that the massive railway station was packed with people.  

There was a lot of screaming and wailing coming from the crowd.  

It was a distressing sight.  

People dressed in thick coats, armed with suitcases and cloth bags filled with food and other essentials. Mothers in distress, their small children crying because they didn’t understand what was happening and old people quietly accepting their fates. And finally, young men and women with serious expressions on their faces. They were the only ones actually fit for this ‘sentence’, but somehow everyone was considered suitable for work.  

It was a life sentence after all.  

Small kids would end up growing into adults there in exile, and old people would most likely die in a foreign land, without ever seeing their home again. Crippling unknowingness awaited everyone in this train station and the cruel hand of death never missed anyone. It didn’t miss her parents, and maybe, this time it might not miss her. 

The wailing crowd perfectly reflected the morbid situation.  

She looked at the train, as it stretched for ages. She couldn’t see where the beginning or its end was. It was that massive, but due to all the people and the dimness of the morning, she could only pick up on the tops of the train. 

People were being pushed into train carriages. Some were resisting, but the soldiers would proceed to beat anyone who didn’t obey. And most didn’t even fight. They just boarded the train. 

As the soldiers dragged her closer to the train, her heart picked up again. She thought maybe her eyes were deceiving her. Maybe all the tears that she shed deceived her field of vision. But no, what Rey saw was true, and she quickly realized that this wasn’t going to be a normal train ride.  

These were carriages that animals were transported on. The walls were made from wooden planks and there were no windows, just a massive door on the side used for animals to get in or out and a single tiny door at the very top that was opened from the outside and used as a window. On the inside there was just plain wooden floors and no seats or anything resembling them. 

When she was a girl, her father was running some errands in the railway station and he took her with him. She saw farmers bring massive ramps to unload all the cows that were being transported inside.  

But in this case, these carriages were not transporting cows or any other large animals. They were transporting people. Her people. 

She felt like the ground was slipping from underneath her feet.  

Was this it for her? Being forced into an animal carriage and freezing to death on her way to God knows where exactly. And for what? For what reason exactly was this happening to her?  

There was no real point in asking that question. Rey knew the answer. 

She exchanged her life for a handful of raspberries that she didn’t even get to taste. 

Weakness overcame her and it became difficult for her to stand on her feet. Her head fell down to her shoes; she couldn’t look up. She couldn’t see the train; she couldn’t face the same soldiers who were taking her to the train. And above all, she couldn’t look up at the birds flying above her head, in the dim autumn morning. Rey knew they were there; she could heart their ugly cries above her. Those birds were not tied down by cruel political systems or their lives weren’t cut short because of evil people. They could fly wherever they wanted. Always free. 

But now Rey felt like she was a wounded bird who was being shoved into a cage and left there to die. 

She had to look up at the sky. One last time.  

The very first snowflakes of the season began to fall on her head, her cheeks, melting as soon as it landed on her warm skin. 

She looked around at all the people that were being forced onto the carriages and her view began to blur as the snowing picked up. 

Rey’s eyes welled with tears yet again and a heart-crushing realization seeped in. 

She didn’t know if she was ever going to see home again. 

"Renata Solana, carriage nineteen, your number is twenty-six. Remember those numbers, girl."  One soldier pointed at the carriage. There was no point in protesting if she did, they would just shoot her. So, she hugged her backpack filled with the stolen food and slowly started walking towards the carriage. 

Rey climbed inside without an ounce of protest or resistance.  

Clutching her backpack, she curled up in a corner. There was no more energy left in her. None. She felt like a hollowed-out object, with an extremely frail shell. Delicate and easy to break. Not at all like the survivor she called herself just 2 hours ago. 

“Renata? Renata Solana?” She heard a quiet male voice. Rey raised her head from her knees and saw him. 

Poe Dameron. 

He stared at her, with a surprised look and mouth open. She instantly jumped on her feet and jumped into his embrace. She couldn’t believe that after all these years he recognized her. 

Poe squeezed her and started sobbing into her neck. She cried as well. 

"What are they going to do with us, Rey?" He asked quietly. 

"I don’t know, Poe.’’ She said even in a lower tone. She let go of his hug and looked into his eyes, squeezing his hand. "But we have to survive. We have to." She repeated twice and he nodded. 

A woman approached them. Rey did not need an introduction to know who she was. But Poe said it anyway. 

“Rey, this is my mother Cassandra Bey and my grandmother Caroline Bey.’’ 

Poe’s mother squeezed Rey into a hug. And Rey hugged her back. 

"Where are your parents, child? Where is Miramir and Dathan?"

She just shook her head. 

Cassandra’s eyebrows furrowed and unexpectedly her eyes became wet. She squeezed Rey’s hand even more and gave her a promise. 

"We’re your family now, Rey. Let’s stick together, okay? No matter what they try to do to us.” 

Rey nodded in agreement. 

The very last people very shoved inside – the loading of human cargo was over. 

The massive carriage door was rolled back by two men, and as it was shut, everyone in the carriage started screaming in panic. Darkness seeped in and small specks of light falling through the cracks in the walls. The sun finally started rising and the snow was still peacefully falling. 

The train jerked a few times, struggling with the weight of the carriages. Everyone inside screamed once more, hoping for the train to fail mechanically so that everyone could be set free and go home.  

But that desperate wish was not granted. 

Soldiers on the outside began to yell something and the train slowly started to move, taking her out of her city and eventually, her country.  

She tried to peek through the small cracks of the wooden wall, desperate to see something. The images started to move faster and faster.  

She saw the church where her parents got married and later, where she got baptized as a babe, her elementary school, where she spent her fondest years, and the animal museum where she and her father spent weekends sketching out taxidermies.  

Her whole life flashed before her eyes in quick motion and within minutes she was driven out of the city where she spent her life in. 

When her parents died, Rey had to learn how to live with loneliness and constant fear. But even when her emotions overwhelmed her and when she felt like giving up, Rey always knew that she had to do one thing no matter what: survive. That was the only thing that mattered to her. Now she’ll have to survive the long train ride taking her to the other side of the world and the deadly weather of Siberia, with very little food and almost no medicine. Was survival even possible?  

Another wound opened up in her heart. In the place where she held her home at. New blood started to flood from her heart, together with tears came down from her eyes. 

She tried so hard not to cry again, but her body betrayed her. Rey turned her gaze to Poe, his mother and grandmother. They all tightly held hands. Three generations showed into an animal carriage, holding each other's hands in fear and desperation.  

What Rey wouldn’t give now to at least have her parents with her. To not be alone in the scary unknowingness that awaited her in Siberia. 

There and then, Rey began to do something she’d never done in her entire life.  

She made one desperate attempt to plead with God that her parents and a priest talked about on Sunday Church services. She raised her head, looking at the dark ceiling of the carriage and she quietly pleaded with God. 

“I have never asked You for anything in my entire life. Not even when my parents were cruelly taken away from me, I have never pleaded with you for help or protection.” Her legs felt weak and the grip she had on the wooden plank began to loosen but she just looked up, eyes still wet from all the tears that she shed in the past few hours. 

"Please, please God, let me come back home." 

Chapter Text

The Journey  

October – November, 1948  

Unknown Locations,

Siberia?

A week into the journey, breathing became a little painful for her. 

The cold air from the outside seeped through the cracks of the moving carriage and into the lungs of every passenger inside. Everyone was breathing the same cold air, sharing the bodily moisture and whatever bacteria or virus that might come with it.  

She truly hoped that it was the coldness of the air that made her lungs sting and not something else.  

To fight the painful discomfort, Rey wrapped a borrowed scarf around her mouth, as did many other onboard. Cold air went in through her nose and hit her irritated lungs. Her body would warm up the chilly air and let it out through her nose. 

Again and again and again. 

She once read that a person takes around twenty thousand breaths in one day. So, she started counting them out of boredom and frustration as there was nothing else to do in a dark and cramped animal carriage. 

There was a day when she counted around three thousand seven hundred fifty-seven breaths.  

One thousand eight hundred seventy-eight breaths were warm. 

The other one thousand eight hundred seventy-nine were cold.  

And every single breath that she took in, irritated her lungs to a minor extent. Sometimes she held her breath in, clutching to the warmness in her chest for as long as possible. Desperate to feel warm again. 

She never succeeded. 

Her fingers and toes were freezing and her whole body felt chilly. From time to time, she would take one glove off and put her palm on her forehead to check for fever, but it always felt cold. Rey figured that a chilly forehead was miles better than a hot one.

The last thing she wanted was to get ill on this treacherous journey.  

October of 1948 proved to be exceptionally cold and brutal. A part of her wished that this would be happening at a different time of the year. An exhausting and endless journey like this would be much more bearable in late spring or summer and not in late autumn. 

But by being put on this exact shippment of people, where the weather outside was becoming more and more baltic, the chance of diseases and ultimately death increased greatly. 

No one on board has died or declared to be sick.  

But it was only a matter of time until death visited the people of carriage nineteen. 

- 

There were forty people fitted into one wagon. It took Rey around four days to get the exact number; constant darkness and the density of people made it hard for her to count. There were children, adults and old people on board. The youngest was a boy who looked around five years old, and the oldest was a man who looked like he was in his sixties. 

The carriage was completely filled with people. If everyone was standing, some manoeuvring was required just to move around without bumping into anyone. Everyone would usually sit around their family members or friends, ignoring others around. There was an unaddressed tension in the air but no one spoke of it. It resulted in constant silence, with the exception of children, who were very restless and very sore from constant sitting. 

Nighttime was the only time when everyone had to speak to one another. It was mainly because some cooperation was needed in order to figure out how to use up the space wisely so that everyone would have enough space to lie down and sleep. Some people had blankets and some even brought pillows. Everyone prepared for life in exile differently. 

Rey usually slept with her backpack under her head and Poe’s mother and grandmother would share their massive blanket with her. Sleep under such conditions was horrendous – always cold, never comfortable and Rey always felt sore in the morning from sleeping on the hardwood floor. 

There were nights she would remember her childhood room and the soft bed that she slept in. But now, she sought out for comfort and warmness in her mother's good friend – Cassandra. 

Sometimes Rey snuggled up with her to keep herself warm in the dead cold of the night in the moving carriage.

There were nights when Rey would start crying silently. She mourned the life she lost and feared the unknowingness that the train was taking everyone to. On such occasions, Cassandra would gently stroke Rey’s head, telling her that everything will be all right.  

She didn’t find the gesture out of place or unpleasant. It was quite the opposite: it comforted so greatly that it made her remember what it felt like to be cared for again. Rey realized how much she missed being held by someone else when it seemed like the whole world was collapsing from underneath her feet. But in Cassandra's arms, Rey felt safe. 

She remembered the woman from her childhood. Every morning Miramir would take Rey to elementary school and sometimes they would bump into Cassandra, who would be holding her son's tiny hand. Together, all four of them would walk to school, whilst the adults talked about things that neither Rey nor Poe understood. She remembered looking up at her and seeing a pair of beautiful brown eyes, luscious dark brown curls and her incredibly warm smile. Even warmer than her mother's. 

Cassandra Bey was a very beautiful woman and Rey remembered her image so well from those happy days. 

And now, in a total contrast to her former self, Cassandra looked tired and exhausted from a difficult life.

All of the life and joy was gone from her eyes.

But whenever she cuddled Rey, she had a sense that it wasn’t only because of the cold. She had a feeling that Poe's mother clung to her because she genuinely felt sorry for her. For losing her parents so young and having to fight for her life all by herself. Rey saw it as a selfless atempt to make her feel safe and supported.

In the morning, or what seemed like the morning, the four of them would share some food with each other. Rey had the stolen goods with her, and Poe’s family was able to pack loaves of bread, canned vegetables, butter and other long-lasting produce. 

The four of them shared small meals every day for the past week. They didn’t really know how much food they could eat or for how long they would need it for. So, to save up as much as food as possible, they all ate incredibly small portions of their food. Just about enough to stop the stomach from being painful from hunger.

Everyone inside often ate in silence and in unspoken tension that Rey felt not only in the carriage, but also between her and the Dameron's. But not from Cassandra or Poe, but from Caroline and her incredibly intimating gaze. Rey would love to talk to Caroline and address any mistrust that the woman clearly has towards Rey. But maybe not inside the carriage and not at this moment. She didn’t want others to hear any of those conversations that might happen between the two women. 

The silence that Rey and the Damerons chose to maintain was not only present between the four of them. Almost every person inside chose to remain silent. 

There were wagons upon wagons filled up with people who were supposedly criminals and yet nobody had the courage to address the question that’s been hanging in the air: what did they do to receive this punishment? Or where exactly were they going? 

Dameron's seemed like decent individuals; the type of people who couldn’t possibly break the law.

Rey was caught stealing, so it didn't surprise her that she received a punishment from them, even if in her personal opinion, the crime didn't fit the punishment. But what could they, the loving family that immediately embraced her, have possibly done to deserve such cruelness? She knew that other people would not disclose such information but maybe the Damerons would.

So, a week into the journey, she finally decided to ask the three of them some questions.  

Rey put down the piece of bread she was chewing on her lap, brushed off the non-existing crumbs and began asking. 

“Why were you three on the list for deportation? I thought they only sent away criminals.”  

Cassandra and Poe looked at each other, confusion on their faces.  

Did she say something wrong? Talking about this might have been a taboo, but she didn’t expect them to react like that. 

But they answered. 

“We didn’t do anything. They just showed up at our farmhouse, armed with guns and papers and declared that we were being deported in the morning. We spent the entire night packing food and essentials and saying goodbyes to my uncle and his family.” Cassandra explained. 

“But did they accuse you three of something?”  

Cassandra shook her head. She looked around to see if no one was listening and leaned into Rey, whispering into her ear: 

“My husband went into the forest and never came out.”  

Rey’s eyes widened as the realization seeped in of what that meant. 

“Your husband became A Forest Brother?”, whispered Rey as quietly as possible, as the noise of rolling wheels on train tracks drowned the possibility of anyone hearing it. 

Cassandra nodded, barely. 

Rey heard of people who went into the forests and never came out. 

They were partisans – the last form of the resistance that was left in her country. 

The landscapes of her birthland were mostly covered in dense forests that went on for many kilometres and only the locals knew their way around them. From what she heard, they built bunkers and secret hideouts underneath the ground. Safety shelters that were hard to detect for an untrained eye. 

“We suspect that one of our neighbours found out that my husband was gone for a while and drew some conclusions without any real evidence. We told everyone that he went back to see his mother in a faraway village, so no one really questioned it, but I suspect some didn’t believe us. But when they came to our doors nothing was said exactly why or where, but we figured it had to do with us being farmers and owning land because our neighbours got deported on those grounds, around three months back. And to them, owning some land was a good enough reason to send people away.” There was a small pause that clearly showed that the woman was in emotional pain. She swallowed, closing her brown eyes. “My husband left many months ago and I never saw him again.” 

Rey could see that she missed her husband dearly. Cassandra was subjected to the gruelling task of protecting her family all by herself, and it visibly wore her down. The tiredness on her face wasn’t just from the difficult journey to Siberia, but it was also a result of years spent in constant stress and fear that she might lose her loved ones whilst her husband was fighting for their country in secret. 

Rey heard that the people who had even the slightest association with the partisans were punished very cruelly. Some were locked in cells, their families would have their food rations taken away from them, and some were even publicly hanged, dead bodies left on display for everyone to see. And in some cases they were sent to labour prisons in Siberia. Being a ‘forest brother’ was dangerous and extremely risky and only the toughest individuals risked their lives and the livelihood of their loved ones, for the prospect of having their country free at last. 

It seemed like Dameron's were the victims of such measurements, but because they had no real proof of their association with a partisan, they were sent away on different grounds. 

“And they didn’t ask where he is? You know when they came to take you away?” 

“No. He wasn’t on the list. They usually take only ‘healthy’ people, and my father had a lengthy list of medical issues. So maybe that’s why.” Poe stayed silent for a bit and Rey thought he wasn’t going to continue the matter, but he did. “I don’t think it matters anyway. If they’re sending us away because of him or because of our farming lands, the result is still the same. Exile.” 

Poe was right, it didn’t matter what they said to them. It doesn't change the cruel unknowingness that awaited them all.

Uncomfortable silence befell on all four of them until Caroline decided to break it: 

“And why are you here? Your parents aren’t here anymore, and they don’t normally take orphans. Are you a criminal, girl?” Poe’s grandmother asked in a stern tone. 

Caroline's bluntness didn’t surprise Rey, not even for a millisecond. It was a curious situation why an orphan with no real belongings or possessions was sent to exile. 

“I’m not. I was caught stealing food from them.”  

All their eyebrows furrowed, and she felt like she immediately needed to add some context. 

“In August, I accidentally came across an open back truck full of food. I knew that it was food for soldiers so, for weeks I studied arrival and unloading patterns. When I finally understood the consistency of the pattern, I started stealing from the truck. That was around mid-September when it first started to get cold, and I couldn’t foredge as much food anymore. This was happening for weeks, until I got caught.”  

Neither of them said anything. Cassandra just had a worried look on her face and Caroline maintained her serious expression. So, she continued. 

“They were expecting me this time. I was foolish and recless and it cost me everything.” She lowered her gaze, but no tears made an appearance.  

Poe finally took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Rey looked at him and finally at Cassandra. She had that motherly look on her face. Filled with worry and a bit of frustration. 

They shared a moment of silence, allowing this moment of sadness and mutual support to just seep in. 

At that moment, Rey was extremely glad that she got placed together with them. 

She let go of their hands and picked up the piece of bread that she was eating before. 

“I was foolish and angry.” She split the small piece of bread in half and continued “When they caught me, I was taken into a room and then I had a bowl of soup brought in front of me. The soldier who sent me away made sure I ate it before taking having me taken to the train station. He asked questions about my personal details and then he said that I was being deported to Siberia under a lifetime of hard labour sentence.”  

The carriage got instantly quiet. Something shifted in the air, as she realized that everyone inside was listening to her.  

An unexpected shame washed over her when a man stood rapidly and screamed in her direction. 

“Siberia? Did you all hear this delusional girl? She said SIBERIA.” Said man No.1. 

The carriage broke off into loud noises, surrounding her in a pool judgment. People started standing and pushing the man out of the way. Rey stood as well. 

“We’re not going to Siberia. Didn’t you hear what she just said? She’s a thief and I bet a liar as well!” Woman no.1 answered. 

“They can’t be shipping us off so far away. It’s on the other side of the world!” Man No. 2 added, and more voices broke out in agreement. 

“I bet she’s one of them. She was probably ratting people out to get food from them and when they finally got tired from her, they threw her out like a dog and had her shipped off with us!”  

The malice in the first man’s voice was enraging. Her blood started to boil, and it was difficult to stay calm and not cause any more problems. More voices echoed around as her ears started to ring. Poe was about to jump on the man, but his grandmother grabbed him by the hand. Poe didn’t protest as Caroline gave him a serious expression. 

Despite the terrible things that were said about her a dark realization seeped into her brain. 

No one knew where they were being taken. 

All of a sudden, she felt crowded and weak. Like the world was shrinking around her. Hunger, dehydration and coldness probably played a role in her mounting anxiety. 

As the sudden weakness started seep into her body, her heart began beating extremely fast, finally warming her chilly body.  

As soon as she began to shake, she felt a hand wrap around her palm. Cassandra was gently squeezing her hand. No judgment in her eyes.  

Rey’s eyes were large and filled with fear. But her breathing slowly became steadier. Her gentle touch and her reassuring eyes brought great comfort to her. Rey finally built up the courage to ask her a crucial question. 

“They didn’t tell you three where they would be taking you?” 

Cassandra just shook her head lightly, Poe and Caroline gripped the wooden wall, as the train swayed a little bit more than usual. 

She ignored the commotion in the carriage, focusing only on Poe and Cassandra's supportive gazes.

Nobody knew where they were being taken and she felt like she needed to gather her strength as quickly as possible and break the fragile glass wall of delusion and ignorance that came from the unknowingness of everyone’s final destination on this journey.  

The sooner they accepted that there wouldn’t be any decency or mercy from the people who were handing out and carrying out such punishments, the sooner they’d be able to stop having pointless arguments and start cooperating and working towards their mutual survival. 

And Rey was the messenger in this matter. The only one who was provided with the information of where they were being taken and for what purpose. 

It infuriated her that instead of fighting together, they were fighting each other. 

This had to stop immediately. 

Rey fully turned to the crowd. There was still some commotion, but she ignored it. The carriage was dark, but she knew everyone was staring at her, waiting for her to say that she misunderstood the whole thing and that they weren’t being deported so far from home. But instead, she said: 

“I did not mishear it or misunderstand it. We are all being deported to Siberia as labourers. If you want to stay in denial, go ahead. Unlike most of you, I did not have them barging into my home and I did not have the time to pack a bag or say any goodbyes. Right then and there my sentence papers were filled in and read out loud. So maybe instead of fighting and pointing fingers at who’s a traitor or a liar, we should accept the fact that we are being sent somewhere far away and the chances of everyone surviving this trip are slim to none. We need to start cooperating as soon as possible to survive this treacherous journey, instead of fighting just because nobody wants to face the truth that they don’t give a damn about us.”   

Everyone inside was completely silent. Even the ones who attacked her in the beginning. She really didn’t expect everyone to listen to her. So, Rey drew from her newly felt courage and continued. 

“Look around, we’re in an animal carriage, we’re are just livestock to them and sure as hell they are already treating us like such. And somehow the idea of us being shipped out to Siberia seems too crazy. It’s time to wake up and maybe then we’ll have a chance to survive.’’ 

There was a long pause. An almost impossible silence in a moving train carriage. Everyone was staring at her again, their bodies slightly swaying from the movement of the train. The tension was rising. A man was about to stand with anger on his dimly lit face until an old man’s voice broke the tense silence. 

“The girl is right. We are being shipped off to Siberia and if we don’t start working together, many of us will die.” 

He stepped closer to her. Rey saw a bit of his old face, as small specks of light falling through the cracks of the wagon walls. 

“How can you defend this thief?” Said a male voice. 

“Because she is right. In 1941 they took my son and his family. Shipped them off to next to the Laptev Sea. But first, they were in Siberia before they decided to deport them again. They were sent there to work as hard labourers.” 

Silence followed as the man continued. 

“I haven’t heard from them in two years. And if you fools believe that they treat us like people, you’re wrong.” 

He finally looked at Rey. He reached out his gloved hand towards her. 

“I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi.” 

Rey did the same. He gently squeezed her gloved hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Unlike some brutish palm-crushing handshakes she experienced through her years as a war orphan, this man knew how to shake a woman's hand. 

“Renata Solana.” 

“Don’t listen to them, Renata. You told them the truth and the rest of them just need to accept the reality instead of taking it out on a child.” 

Rey just nodded lightly as Poe placed his hand on her shoulders.  

But the mood did not get any lighter. There was a collective feeling of defeat and sadness.  

“How can you all just accept this? That our lives as we know are over? Just because we were on the list.” 

“Because life is cruel and cunning, especially during war and government changes. Nobody cares about any of us, and nobody will spare us.” Kenobi's voice broke a bit from emotion as he continued. “I did not choose to lose my children and grandchildren. Just like all of us, they were suddenly and cruelly ripped out of their homes. To this day, I do not know if either of them is still alive today.  So, we might as well accept the fact that a terrible fate waits for us if we all do not cooperate for our mutual survival.” 

No one answered Kenobi, it was not necessary. Because everyone already knew the answer: most of them won’t come out alive from this. Death was an inevitable part of this journey. The only question was: who and when? 

“What kind of cooperation are you thinking?”, said a woman in a quiet voice, cradling her child. 

“The train stops once per day, and they give us some food. If they don’t cut that off, it might be just enough for all of us to survive this journey. But if they do end up cutting the provisions, we’ll have to start sharing what we have. The people who were given the time to prepare packed larger amounts of food. Now, I’m not saying that those people should come forward and declare their food rations, but I am asking them to eat that food wisely, in case our food supply is cut, sharing will be necessary. And I suggest feeding the youngest people on board. The youth does not deserve to die, and older people should prioritize children and younger individuals. For now, we are all given a piece of black bread with soup or porridge. I would suggest saving that piece for later.” 

No one argued with him. Rey just continued looking at the old man. There was an air of authority with the older man. His voice and mannerisms seemed a little familiar to her, but she couldn’t remember if she actually had seen him before. 

“Okay, and what else do you suggest?” Said a man’s voice, whom Rey never heard speak before. 

“We need to know who is feeling sick. It is a miracle that no one is coughing or visibly spreading viruses at this point, but it is inevitable that this will happen. Once it happens, it is important the ill individual declares him or herself as sick. We need to designate a corner in the carriage where the sick stay. I don’t think it will be possible to prevent diseases from spreading, but it is important that we try and minimize the spread of illnesses as much as possible.” 

“Which corner do we leave out?” Said Caroline. 

Kenobi looked around the carriage. It was mostly full of people. There was some free space but not so much. He pointed to the front left corner of the carriage, where a young family of five was sitting. 

“That one. From now on, if somebody is feeling sick, you’ll have to tell that to everyone and rightfully take your position. The family that’s occupying the corner will be moved somewhere else.” 

The family didn’t object and neither did anyone in the carriage. 

“We don’t know how long this journey is going to take, but it would be best if we assumed over a month. So, when taking your meals please try to consider that timeline. Try to eat just about enough to take away the stomach pain.” 

Everyone’s faces were plagued with various expressions that mostly reflected fatigue and spiritual exhaustion. No one wanted to do any of this and yet no one had a choice in this. A collective effort was necessary in order to stay alive for as long as possible. 

“Okay, let’s do our best. And remember how they always say that we are stubborn. How they like to use that trait of our people as a bad thing. But it is not. We are stubborn. But we’re also strong  and our survival will be a testament to that.” 

No one answered him, as the spirits of the people were still low. 

Kenobi sat down on the floor next to Caroline and she patted him on the shoulder.  

“Great speech, handsome, I think you either fired up everyone’s spirits or forced them to accept the scary fact that people will die.” 

The old man chuckled. There was a glint in his tired eyes.  

A journey like this is difficult for everyone on board, but to see an older man so full of strength was inspiring to Rey. If a man like that could withstand this and keep his spirits high and maybe, could she and the other people on board. 

- 

On the second week of their journey to Siberia, everyone inside started questioning how much longer this journey was going to take. 

A question that no one knew the answer to, as no one onboard knew how far Siberia was exactly. Rey thought that this journey would take weeks, considering how massive the land was and how far away it was from her home, but deep down she wished that she was wrong about that assumption. 

Because she didn’t know how much longer she could withstand the pain and discomfort. 

Spending weeks in an uncomfortable and crammed train carriage seemed like a twisted form of torture and by now everyone could physically feel the long lasting results from it. 

Rey started to feel the exhaustion and constant ache in her bones and muscles from being forced to constantly sit on cold ground with very little space around her. There wasn’t a single sitting pose that eased the pain that she felt in her legs, back and hips. Only laying down flat at night made some parts of her body hurt slightly less than sitting did. 

And to everyone's misfortune, getting to walk around outside the carriage for a bit, didn’t help much with the pain. 

Every day, the train would make a stop, and the exiles were allowed to come outside for around an hour. The soldiers would roll the carriage door in one swift motion and count every single person inside before letting them out.

The exiles were never allowed to leave the carriage if the train stopped in the city. The only time they were able to go outside was if the convoy made a halt in a forest or in an empty field without any civilization around for miles.

In theory, one could make an escape into a forest where the chances of being caught were lower than if one bolted through empty farm fields. But escaping was considered a more foolish choice than staying on the train. The closest city was tens maybe hundreds of kilometres away and it was impossible for anyone to know where they actually were, so any kind of navigation was incredibly difficult. If someone did try to run away, chances were high that they would die from starvation or hyperthermia. 

And even if someone made the foolish decision to run for freedom, the soldiers were always ready to fire their guns that they kept closely on themselves.

Five days ago such a thing already happened, when a man in his thirties launched forward and got a bullet in their back almost immediately.

No one was surprised about it. It was always just a matter of time until the first blood was drawn.

Everyone just carried on as normal, completely desensitised from the horrors that surrounded them.

Every day, the sudden flood of light would blind their sensitive eyes whenever the cattle wagon door was opened because, by now, everyone was so used to the constant dankness. 

Children would always be the first ones to jump outside and run around the field that was covered in a thin layer of snow. 

Walking again always felt weird to Rey. Her legs were sore from not being used for so long, taking her ages to stretch out and for the pain and stiffness to go away. 

Rey stepped down from the carriage to the ground, using the very steep miniature ladder that was attached to every carriage. 

“Oh lord, this is so bizarre.” She stretched her legs and turned her head to the left and then to the right.  

Rey saw other carriages being opened and checked by armed soldiers. She tried not to pay much attention to them. Rey embraced the tactic of looking at them as little as possible. She didn't want to attract any more attention or to not get into any more trouble just by simply staring at them for too long. 

So instead, she looked around at her surroundings. 

This time, they stopped in a forest. 

Each day she saw a new wilderness and by now every landscape just blended into one. 

Poe climbed out of the carriage and helped his grandmother and mother climb out. She saw masses of people leaving the carriages and gently climbing down the steep hill, where the train tracks were laid. 

As soon as she felt more blood rushing into her partially numb legs a quick thought came to her mind. 

“Dameron, come over here!” Poe stood around five meters away from her. Like most people he was doing some stretching exercises, trying to get their bones and joints working. 

“What is it?” 

“See those kids? They went behind the tree to pee. Could cover me a bit whilst I do my business? I really need to go.” 

At first, he seemed a bit appalled by the idea, but shortly after he accepted that it actually was a great idea. 

“Jesus Rey, I thought that the hole in the carriage floor was enough for you.” He said with obvious sarcasm in his voice. 

She scrunched up her face, remembering how embarrassing and disgusting it was to do her business inside the carriage. 

There were no toilets inside. Just a hole in the corner, that was cut through the wooden floor. A hole that everyone was using it. 

It was disgusting and degrading, but at this point, none of their cruel actions surprised her anymore. Every time someone used the ‘toilet’, the whole carriage would stink up. The terrible lack of hygiene on board was really wearing her down. It’s been over two weeks since anyone was able to take a shower and the large variety of bodily smells was hard to stomach for every person on board. 

Rey figured that they weren’t that different from the animals that were transported before it was their turn. 

They were all forced to eat, shit and sleep at the very same spot. 

It was a difficult thing for her to handle but knowing that she wasn’t the only one stuck in an awful situation like that, made the whole thing a little bit easier. If everyone around her could somehow withstand this, so could she. 

“Haha, good one, Poe. Now turn around and don’t look or I’ll tell your mother and she’ll rip your ears out.” 

“You’re cruel, Rey.” 

They started walking towards the edge of the forest where she could finally pee with some privacy. 

“I would argue that war messed us all up.” As she said those words, Rey rushed to unbuckle her belt and quickly do her business before she froze off her private parts. This was incredibly awkward, but Poe didn’t even flinch or make an embarrassing remark. He just stood in front of her with his back turned to her face, and he spread his coat out to provide her with better cover as she peed.

She looked at his back and continued, suddenly feeling slightly awkward. “I, uh... Your mother looks very different from what I can recall from my childhood. I remember this constant light flickering in her eyes, and now it’s completely gone. Understandably, of course.” As soon as the words left her mouth, it felt like she said something wrong. As if she somehow insulted his mother, which was not at all her intention. “You understand what I’m trying to say, right?” 

Poe stayed silent for a while. Rey began to think he wasn’t going to reply to her, or that she insulted the people who had been incredibly kind to her. But as soon she finished her toilet business he replied: 

“Yes, I know what you’re talking about. To be honest with you, I was a bit surprised how quickly she got attached to you.” 
 
She finished putting back her pants and came next to him. Rey scooped up some snow from the ground and rubbed it between her hands, pretending that she was washing them. 

“What do you mean? Our mothers were good friends, remember?” 

“I remember. It’s just… war really changed my mother. Contrasting her former self, she became cold and desolate. And I understand why. Given everything my went through, it makes sense why. The love and compassion she once had towards any living and breathing being was gone, and her only priority became her family. I think that killed her inside not being able to help others because you couldn't risk getting starved or killed as a consequence of showing basic compassion. She had to watch a lot of people she loved die or disappear. And I think she blames herself for it.” Poe was quiet for a bit and Rey turned her head to see his face. “My mother was simply not made to withstand the cruelty of war.” 

The heaviness in his voice was hard to miss. The youthful tone he had a few minutes ago was replaced by a serious older man. A man who survived long enough to see the beginning and the end of a long and cruel war. A young man who was still yet to face a lot of pain. 

Like Rey, Poe was seventeen. Barely more than a teenager, but with the life experience of an old man. 

“But now, as soon as she saw you, she immediately embraced you and almost proclaimed you as her own daughter. I haven’t seen her act like that since before the war. This makes me believe that she feels like this time she can protect someone she cares about, when before she couldn’t.” 

She felt her lower lip tremble. Not because of the cold or because they were being deported across the world but because there was finally someone who wanted to keep her safe. 

For years, Rey was like a wounded animal who fell into the hands of cruel people who always punished her on a whim. For years she lived in a constant state of loneliness that never seemed to have an ending. A difficult reality that she was forced to live through. And after the passing of her parents, she became her own protector. Even when at times shielding herself as a child was an almost impossible task. 

But to hear that there was someone who actually wanted to safeguard her and take care of her was an enormous thing for her.

And maybe, just maybe, she could trust Poe’s words and actually accept the fact that even if her parents were gone, there now was an adult in her life who wanted the best for her and to protect her. 

She would never believe it if such intentions came from someone else. But her heart believed in Cassandra. She believed that she was one of her mother’s best friends for a good reason. 

She suddenly felt happy about it. 

Rey turned her whole body towards Poe and fist-punched him in the arm. 

“Ouch! What was that for?” 

“For not covering me properly when I was peeing.” She lied. 

They started walking towards the train where most people were.  

She saw soldiers laying out the foldable table on which they usually started giving out the daily food portions. 

Rey had her metal flask strapped over her shoulder, so she grabbed it and unscrewed the top. She knelt and started scooping snow into it with her gloved hand. Water was scarce, and within an hour or two, the snow would melt inside the metal flask, leaving her very cold water that would irritate her already sensitive lungs even more. But it was either this or being incredibly thirsty, which was possibly even worse than the slight pain in her chest. 

Poe stood beside her as she knelt on the snow. She felt like their conversation was unfinished and there was one question that she desperately wanted to ask him. 

“How does that make you feel? The fact that she just took me in like I was her own child?” 

Poe pouted his lips a little bit and raised his eyebrow. 

“What? You think I’m jealous of you, Solana?” 

Rey snapped her head at him. Her sudden and slightly immature reaction made her remember how young she was. War made it really easy for her to forget that she was just a teenager. 

“No! Of course, not! You know what I mean.” 

He laughed and exhaled some air out of his lungs, the warm air turning into mist. Rey stood up and screwed the cork on her metal flask. He looked into her eyes with a slight smile on his face. 

“I’m not jealous, Rey. I’m not the orphan here. Both of my parents are still alive. And if she feels protective of you, I won’t oppose. In fact, I’ll support her. I’m the only man here, as our fathers are either gone or somewhere unknown. If my mother wants to take you under her wing, I’ll support her by doing the same. I lost a lot of loved ones as well and I think it is no coincidence that we found each other after so many years. I think... I think this was meant to be, you know, you becoming a part of my family.” 

Rey’s nostrils opened and closed as her breathing picked up. 

This made her realize that hearing warm phrases was too foreign for her. It moved her once again. 

She jumped to hug him, just like he hugged her when they first saw each other on the carriage. Poe embraced and gently put his head next to hers, ear to ear. 

“We’ll look out for each other, okay?” 

She let go of his embrace and lifted her hand up. Her gloved hand was closed to a fist. But her pinky finger was not. 

“Pinky swear?” 

He smiled and clasped his gloved pinky finger with hers. 

“Pinky swear. Now let’s go back before they come after us.” 

As they started walking back to the train, a small group of people caught their eye. 

Three soldiers stood next to them, and a man was pleading for something Rey couldn’t hear about. 

“Let’s get closer, Rey.” 

Rey didn’t have enough time to decline before he grabbed her hand and started dragging her. She wanted to resist because a part of her knew what she would witness. 

The temperature in her body suddenly dropped, her hands and feet became very cold, and her heart was beating incredibly fast.  

Her body always seemed to react the same way whenever this happened. 

“NO! Please, for the love of God please don’t! She’s my wife, PLEASE!”  

“Move aside, scum!” The soldiers yelled at the man. 

There it was. That dark silhouette in a vague form of a person that Rey always saw whenever a person she once knew died. 

She stopped in her tracks and looked into the face of the shadow. But it was just a dark presence with unclear features. Like a charcoal drawing that was smudged way too much.  

A presence that no one else seemed to see but Rey. 

The man continued to cry and plead with the soldiers. 

“No. Please! Please don’t do this to me!! Don’t toss her away like she’s trash!! Please let me at least bury her, please!!”  

“How? With your hands? The soil is frozen, and we do not have a shovel you could borrow.”  

“NO! Please! Please, don’t toss her away like that, please!” The man fell on his knees and hugged their feet. He started begging the soldiers for mercy to be shown towards his dead wife. 

“Let go of me scum, or we’ll have you join her on her journey to the other side!”  

The woman was dropped at the feet of the shadow. Her piercing blue eyes were frozen, staring aimlessly at the sky. Her cold and pale skin almost blended with the snow that surrounded her. Her mouth was slightly open, pale pink lips were cracked and beautiful blond hair scattered on the snow.

Her limp hand was pointing at the sky. 

“Rey, is that our history teacher?”  

She finally snapped out of the inevitable trance and looked at the dead woman. 

Rey remembered her kindness and her rare talent for retelling tragic historical events like they were fairytales. She was a woman whom Rey remembered with nothing but fondness. 

And now, she was tossed away to the side of the railway track, like a sack of potatoes and left there all alone for her body to rot. 

Her husband let go of the soldier's legs and crawled to her limp body. He began weeping uncontrollably. 

The grieving husband picked up the top half of her body and cradled it gently. 

The soldiers moved back and headed towards the temporary camp.

Exiles started to gather around the weeping man and his dead wife. The men removed their hats and an older woman that stood behind Rey and started to recite a prayer for the dead out loud as some repeated the parts they knew out loud. 

They were not able to give the woman the proper funeral she deserved but maybe her soul would travel in peace as the prayers of her people accompanied her on her journey to the other side. 

The older woman chanted the prayers, the crowd repeated, and the man wept like a child. 

Rey's eyes stayed on the silhouette. It bent down next to the woman and stroked her cold cheek. 

And in a blink of an eye, it was gone. 

The sudden chilliness in her body was also gone. Her heart was beating at a normal rate again. 

She didn’t notice Cassandra and Caroline coming next to her and Poe. All four of them stood in silence, Poe was still clutching his knitted hat in his hand. 

They didn’t need to exchange any words to know that they were all thinking the same thing - Death had finally visited them. 

The sudden death of this poor woman brought a whole new fear that no one really thought about: the fear of having your lifeless body just tossed away in the middle of nowhere, without the right to a proper burial or a proper goodbye. 

- 

On the third week into the journey, the soldiers cut the food in half. 

The train still stopped one time per day, but very little food was served. A small piece of hard black bread once per day was all they got. 

A soldier with many military emblems declared to all the exiles that they wouldn’t be serving porridge or soup and bread was all they would get. With sarcasm in his voice, he added that they should all eat whatever food they had accumulated on that trip. 

It caused a major commotion and soon after, an absolute rile. But no one got into any kind of physical fight with the soldiers, the exiles just called them names in words that they could not understand. The constant presence of guns always worked on calming down even the angriest crowd. 

Kenobi was right about food rationing and the food supply being cut at some point. Maybe they realized that there were too many people on board, and it was best to allow some of them to die of starvation if diseases didn’t do a good enough job for them. If the goal was to gather only the strongest people for work, might as well weed out the weakest links. 

Rey and the Damerons managed to save up some pieces of bread that came with that questionable soup or porridge that they got served daily. Some pieces of that bread were covered in white fluffy mould. Under normal circumstances, Rey would toss away the mouldy bread, as it could make her terribly sick. But on the 27th day of the journey such actions made little sense, as most people on board had almost no food left. Including her and the Dameron’s. 

So, Rey would take that piece of mouldy bread into her arms and pick out all the white stuff, using her long fingernails. Like a surgeon, she would carefully remove only the bad parts with exact precision, leaving as much of the healthy bread still intact. 

But sometimes the dimness and the movement of the carriage made it hard to see and successfully pluck out the mould and she would find herself tasting the bizarre fluffiness that surprisingly tasted like metal. Rey tried not to think about the fact that she was eating mould as she desperately tried to focus on the short-term fullness. She sensed that her stomach must have shrunk even more if so little food managed to fill her.

Sitting with her back on the wooden wall, her eyelids heavy with exhaustion, Rey stared at a specific empty spot that was occupied not long ago.

Two days ago, a woman died in Rey's carriage. For over a week she was sitting in the ‘sick’ corner that Kenobi designated on their first week. And the week before that, two men also died in their carriage. 

Man no.1 was a father of three, whose wife ran away from him with their children, a few years prior. Mid-war, the woman managed to divorce him and remarry again. The change in her last name and the names of their children meant that they weren’t on the list, thus the lonely man travelling alone. He was a landowner like most people on board. 

And man No. 2 was an older man. Similar to Kenobi’s age. His relatives were travelling a few carriages ahead of them. The family was able to quickly mourn the dead man when they saw his limp body being dumped on the side of the railway track. 

The recently deceased woman's belongings were left inside the carriage. So, a few exiles decided to go through her belongings and split between themselves whatever whatever treasure they found inside. It wasn’t like women would need any of her belongings anymore and she didn't have anyone to pass her things down to.

The extreme difficulty of this journey has made a lot of people do things they normally wouldn’t. Like Rey stealing food when the pre-war version of her would never even consider doing that. 

But this was different.

It was morbid, it was wrong in every way, and it felt like they were robbing the woman’s grave. 

But they did it anyway. Because they foolishly hoped that her belongings could save someone else's life. 

And it didn't.

They only found a few blankets, a few old-fashioned sweaters and some small trinkets like a hairbrush and hairpins.

Based on the items the exiles found in her bag the woman, like most people here, didn’t know exactly what to pack on a journey of such uncertain nature and duration. 

It was not at all the treasure everyone was hoping for. The most valuable things they found were some pieces of dried bread.

Rey concluded that as her body declined, so did her ability to eat. Or maybe she consciously stopped eating in hopes of reaching the cold embrace of death even faster. 

She wished she could have aided the older woman, but it wasn't easy to help someone who refused to speak to anyone and was seemingly aiming to end this journey before reaching the final destination.

All the suffering and all the pain that she was forced to witness from up close and knowing that she can't do anythimg to help made her heart bleed once again.

In the end, the dried bread was given to the children of carriage nineteen. As Kenobi stated in the early days of the journey, feeding the young first should be everyones priority. Rey and Poe saw none of that food even when they were the eighth and tenth youngest people on board. 

Rey really felt the prolonged lack of food in her belly. It made her stomach painful and somewhat numb at the same time. 

Throughout the weeks, she ate up the majority of the food that she stole in her backpack. Sharing a lot of it with the Damerons, she was left with food that needed to be cooked in order to be eaten. 

Starvation was a tricky thing to deal with. It’s impossible not to notice the lack of energy and the decline in strength. And the only way to solve this problem was to eat something. But the pain of hunger also made it difficult to eat. Larger bites of food sat painfully in her stomach, and she had to put in some extra effort in chewing the dry bread.  

Sometimes she would pour some water on it from her metal flask, turning it into a mush that was much easier to eat. 

It’s been four days since they cut the porridge and the soup out of their menu. And each day became more and more difficult to pull through. 

The decline in everyone’s spirits was easy to spot, even in the darkness of the carriage. Everyone’s movements became slower and more lethargic. The tones of their voices were also quieter. Lower, choked and more lethargic.

For the most part, everyone just leaned into their loved ones for the whole day as any type of movement required more energy that no one onboard possessed. 

The smell inside was also hard to handle as not a single person inside has showered or washed up for over three weeks.  

The carriage itself wasn’t cleaned or disinfected at any point of their journey and the hole in the floor where everybody used as a toilet was not cleaned even once.  

And it is hard to forget about the dead bodies that acommpanied the barely living as passengers.

But Rey, for once, was grateful for the cold temperature inside, as it stopped the bodies from decomposing faster before they would get eventually thrown out. 

Starvation, the cold, the revolting smells and the disgusting feeling of dirtiness, became painfully etched into her quickly languishing existence.

And it was becoming even more difficult to maintain any hope that the majority of people in carriage nineteen would arrive alive,  when the odds were very much against them. 

But things were about to change a little, when the train stopped in what seemed like a large train station. 

The train jerked a few times, struggling to stop it's massive weight. 

Silence was present inside and out as no one dared to say a word. 

She heard soldiers on the outside talking with some people, but as usual, the sliding door was not opened, as the exiles were never allowed to set foot in any kind of city. 

Soon, the light chattering was replaced by a commotion outside. Too many voices speaking on top of the other. They were muffled and hard to understand.

So, Rey ran to the wall and tried to see where they were through the small crack in the wooden wall.

She then placed her ear on it, trying to hear what they were saying. 

“What is it?” Asked Cassandra. The dim daylight falling on her gentle face. 

“I think they are making a deal of some sort?” 

“A deal?” Said Poe. 

“Yeah, but I can’t quite what they're-”

The top window of the carriage swung open for the very first time in three weeks. She saw a tiny square door at the top that had no glass. It served as a window to allow for air to travel inside but as it was practically winter, it was never opened for ventilation.

“Listen up! There are people here who want to sell you some food. If any of you have any money you can use this chance to buy yourself a meal.”  

Her eyes widened, as did Kenobi’s. 

She suddenly launched herself towards her old classmate, grabbing him by his arms, “Poe, lift me up by that window!” 

“What?! Why?” 

“The people outside want to sell us some food. This our chance to eat!” 

Everyone inside started talking at the same time and then rummaging through their bags and their secret pockets, where their valuables were safely hidden.  

People started pulling out coins and other forms of payment. 

“Do you have any money, Rey?” Asked Cassandra without any judgement in her voice.

Her eyes widened a bit at the rather obvious question. 

Rey did not have any money on her. Just her parent's wedding bands that were made from expensive gold and her father's mechanical watch. These three possessions were the only valuables that she had. 

“Do not worry, sweet girl, I have something I can pay with. You don’t have to worry about anything, you just talk to them, okay?” Cassandra’s gentle tone reached her ears. She looked back at Poe, and he nodded at her. 

The two of them walked right beneath the window and Poe bent down next to her, hugged her legs with his hands and swiftly lifted her all the way up. 

The motion made her squeak, as she did not expect for him to have enough strength or energy to actually lift her up so high from the ground. 

A sudden reflex, her eye's immediatly shut as the daylight hit her face.

And when she finally cracked her eyes open, for the very first time in weeks, Rey saw a city. This sudden scenery gave her a bit of a whiplash. 

“Rey, please make it quick! I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold you up.” 

Her head whipped down and she saw a middle-aged woman with a massive variety of different kinds of foods that normally wasn’t sold in the morning markets. Clearly, the people in the train station knew that a wagon full of people was going to stop and the women that sold the food took the time to actually prep some meals in advance, as the people on board had no possible access to any kitchen appliances or even any heat. 

Rey’s eyes widened and her mouth started to water.  

“What do you want, child?”  

Her eyes whipped from one dish to another. She had so much food it made her mouth water and her mind go blank. But Rey quickly pulled herself together and began naming the things that looked most appetising. 

“Can you give some of the buns you have there? Both sweet and sour ones. Three kilograms of boiled potatoes, a block of butter, ten cutlets, a kilogram of cucumbers and half a slice of cheese?”  

“That much will cost you a pretty penny. How much money do you have?”  

She turned her back in the carriage. Every person inside was looking at her from down. Hunger and hope were mixed in their eyes. But her gaze landed on Cassandra. 

“She’s asking about the payment.” 

Cassandra dug into the pocket of her dark brown wool coat and pulled out something small that she squeezed in her palm. She placed it in Rey’s hand and closed it so that no one could see it but Rey. 

Rey, standing much higher than anyone inside the carriage, opened her palm and saw a beautiful yellow gold ring that had a massive pear-shaped red sapphire in the middle and six smaller diamonds on the sides. She did not have a good understanding what exactly made a ring expensive, but even she knew that this ring cost a lot of money. 

Rey’s eyes widened and found hers.

Cassandra was willing to put down a ring of large value for a meal that would feed the four of them for around four days. 

“Cassandra, that’s not a fair trade!” 

“It is Rey. It’s an absolutely fair trade!” 

She leaned her head towards the woman and whispered to her as quietly as possible. 

“That ring probably costs hundreds if not thousands and you’re willing to exchange it for some food?” Rey’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Cassandra just smiled at her. 

“Not a single piece of jewellery in the world has any meaning if we are not alive anymore. I am not buying just some food, I am buying back our lives and they are much more valuable then that tiny ring in your palm."

She squeezed Rey’s palm again, as an encouragement to actually make the purchase. 

Rey looked at her once again and then boldly turned her head back to the woman selling the food. 

“I have a large payment in my hands, so I’ll take even more food.”  

Rey flashed the ring in the middle-aged woman's face. Her eyes widened and she quickly started putting more food into the knitted net bag. 

She ate the buns with pickled and later boiled cabbage inside. The rich taste that exploded in her mouth made her eyes water with joy. 

Every person inside her carriage was busy with their foods and what like for the first time in weeks, shifting the mood inside drastically. Everyone seemed content and happy with some food in their bellies. 

The Damerons were also enjoying their food. Poe had some strawberry jam stuck on his face, which made him look like a boy. Caroline was also engaged in chewing a pork cutlet. 

Rey smiled and sipped on her water. Her gaze turned to Cassandra who was finishing eating her boiled potato. 

“Thank you, Cassandra. This is all because of you.” 

She smiled back at Rey. Her expression just as was as an early summer afternoon. 

“You’re welcome, sweet child.” 

She squeezed Rey’s hand. And Rey squeezed it back. 

- 

On the fourth week of the journey, her body gave out.  

The energy she once held in her body was completely gone.

Her body felt sluggish and heavy.

Her chest was painful, as was every breath that she took. 

Over a week ago, she managed to have a proper meal for the very first time since her exile began, four weeks ago. But since then, the amount of bread that was given to them daily began shrinking. 

100 grams of bread quickly became 50 grams and a few days after that, they only being served 35 grams of bread per day. And that was not counting the mouldy part of the bread that Rey chose not to eat. 

The massive lack of food took away the very last strength and energy from her body. And Rey wasn’t the only one affected by this. 

Everyone inside carriage number nineteen suffered greatly from starvation. They all just lay on the ground or leaned onto the wall.  

It didn’t look like they were transporting strong and capable future labourers anymore. Just piles of half-dead people. 

Cassandra spent the majority of her day dozing off in a sitting position. On some instances she would lean her head on Rey’s shoulder and allow her exhausted body to just rest. But every time she woke, Cassandra would immediately start apologizing to her. Rey understood that Cassandra felt bad for appearing weak and for falling apart in front of her son and Rey. She felt that because she was the only parental figure amongst them, it was her duty to protect and take care of the young and to not to appear weak in front of them.  

But neither Poe nor Rey felt like that act was necessary. The two of them just wanted her to rest and save her strength, instead of pointlessly guilting herself over something that's inevitable.

The reality was that no one was immune to this. Not even Caroline, as stubborn as unyielding as she is.

On the second week of the journey the older woman started developing a cough. At first, it sounded like just a regular cough with absolutely no indication of an illness. Cassandra kept checking up on her mother, but she always shut down the conversation, claiming that it was just her acid reflux acting up. But as the days passed her coughing got worse and worse. On the fourth week of the journey her coughing would last a few minutes. Cassandra and Rey begged the soldiers for some hot water and medication to help her sickly mother, but they immediately started yelling at the woman for even making such 'selfish' request as there were many sickly people on board. 

So, Caroline spent her days and nights lying on the cold floor of the carriage, covered in every possible blanket that they owned. Even when the train stopped and people were allowed to walk out, Caroline chose to stay inside. Rey offered her expired paracetamol, but she always declined, saying that she doesn’t have a fever. 

It was difficult to watch the old woman getting weaker and weaker day by day. But it was even harder seeing Cassandra’s heart break every time she was unable to take care of her mother. 

Rey didn’t understand the compexities of their mother daughter relationship, but she did get a picture that Caroline was a tough mother, who taught her daughter how to take care of herself. And she expected that from herself. She was the type of mother who didn’t tolerate such behaviour being used on her. Or in other words, Caroline Bey hated being weak and trapped in a square wooden box and having to rely on others. Every time Cassandra would ask how she felt or is wanted anything, her answers were always “I am fine.” and “No, child, I don’t need anything from you. I may be old, but I can take care of myself.” 

It was a frustrating sight. Rey understood that all Cassandra wanted to do was to help her ill mother, but Caroline resisted each time, breaking her daughter's heart even more. 

It was clear that the older woman was desperate not to die on the journey to Siberia. Having your body dumped on the side of the railway track was cruel. So, Caroline hid the actual state of her illness and ignored everyone who tried to help. Maybe a part of her believed that if she stated out loud that she was very sick, she would have impending death come even faster. 

With all her heart, Rey hoped that Caroline wouldn’t pass away on the journey. She didn’t want such a cruel fate to fall upon Caroline or anyone on this train. And she didn’t know if Cassandra’s heart could handle witnessing her mothers body being thrown out like it was garbage.

Rey didn’t know what she would do if the roles were switched to Poe or Cassandra. A part of her was grateful that her parents were no longer alive and that she didn’t have to worry about such things anymore. But they still had to go through this. 

Poe tried to help his mother by taking care of his grandmother but he himself struggled with starvation and everything that came with it. Poe didn’t get sick, but he lost a visible amount of weight. His cheeks weren’t as full anymore, but maybe the beard that he grew over the weeks hid them. 

Out of the four of them, Poe was least affected by this. Most people inside were tired and sluggish and the general mood of the people was grim and nihilistic. But Poe even after everything that they have been put through, still managed to keep his humour alive. He would say things like “Ah, I can’t wait for this fantastic skiing holiday.”, “Siberia? I heard there are mountains there. I’ve never seen mountains in my life!”, “I don’t mind the diet they put us on, I needed to lose some weight anyways.” And then he would pat on his non-existent belly. 

It was so easy to say that he was being insensitive, considering that this trip has been a freezing hellscape filled with death and other tragedies, but to Poe, his humour was the very last piece of his humanity that wasn’t destroyed. The part of him that still remained intact even after everything that was done to him and his family. And Rey appreciated that greatly. She admired him even more whe she realised that she didn't that chunk of her anymore. That it died together with her parents.  

Rey was not a normal seventeen-year-old. She was full of fears, hatred, paranoias and nihilism. And on this trip, those ugly parts of her became even more visible. She couldn’t even imagine how her upcoming life in Siberia as a manual labourer would destroy her even more. She didn't think it was even possible for her to plumet into deeper pain.

But by now, Rey fully accepted the dark side of her that plagued her bleeding heart and the dark mysterious branches that grew around her heart.  

Sometimes she wondered if her aching chest was a result of all the pain and hatred that she had inside, and not an illness that for some reason wasn't fully developing in her body. Maybe the intense and painful emotions actually could make her breathing more painful.

Or perhaps not.

But even if they could, the fact was that she was incredibly lucky not to get sick on this journey, as many others couldn’t really say the same. 

More than half the people inside were either ill or too starved to move. 

There was no need for a sick corner anymore, as the majority of the people were suffering one way or another. 

And the children. The youngest passengers, despite receiving most food out of all of them, seemed too tired, too sluggish to play or even compain to their parents about all the discomforts. The system that was set at the begining still stood as adults inside would share a small piece of their bread with the youngest passengers and their parents. As Kenobi said in the beginning, keeping the little ones alive and fed as much as possible was a priority. But after four weeks of such intense struggle even looked like they aged and matured by many years. 

To everyone's joy, not a single child died on their way to Siberia. Rey didn’t know if she could handle seeing the small body of a child being thrown away so cruelly and heartlessly. Every older woman inside, including Caroline, prayed a rosary daily for the health and strength of the youngest passengers.  

They prayed for their health, for them to have strength to withstand Siberia.  

And for them to one day go home and to have families of their own. 

Because the older generation understood that they would not be going home. That their life would be cut even shorter and that their journey of life would end somewhere in Siberia. And that they would never see home again. 

Caroline understood it.

Even Kenobi, being the beacon of strength and resilience, knew that the cahances of seeing home again were almost slim to none.

Rey tried to memorize their faces, their names and their facial features. Every older person was making a sacrifice for the younger generation and there was no way to repay them. So, she at least tried to remember them. To have a memory of them ingrained in her heart for the rest of her life. 

She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. 

The train began to stop. 

Everyone inside began raising their heads up in confusion. 

Normally, the train stopped around midday and it seemed like it was still an early morning. 

“It’s too early to go outside. Is it possible that we arrived?” Said Cassandra in a gentle tone. 

“Maybe? It has been over four weeks.” Answered Poe. 

Rey turned her head and faced the wooden carriage wall that she was leaning into before. She looked through the cracks in the wall. 

For over two weeks all she saw was forests. It was like they were being driven through lands of trees and other vegetation that seemed to never end. Her own country of birth was mostly covered in forests, but they were not even nearly as big and vast as the one’s she saw through the small wall crack. With each passing day and each plot of forests that she saw, her heart became even more and more anxious with the realization of how far she was being taken away from home. Thousands of kilometres by now. The never-ending wilderness made the matter even worse, as she didn’t even know if escape was even possible if she got dropped off in the middle of hundreds of kilometres-long wilderness. 

But what she saw now was not a wilderness. Nor a train station or a city. What Rey saw was an empty field of land and a thick layer of snow on the ground, as the temperatures kept falling and falling every week. 

She scrunched up her eyebrows. 

Something was wrong. 

“What are you seeing, Rey?” 

“I’m not sure, Poe. Just an empty field. Not even a forest.” She tried to look around even more, but her field of vision was very limited due to the small size of the crack. “It doesn’t look like we’re here yet.” 

“Maybe they are planning to let us out early today?” Said Poe in a hopeful tone. 

“What happened?” Caroline raised her head from her blanket that she folded into a pillow. 

“We don’t know yet, mama.” 

“Maybe they are having a technical issue?” Said Kenobi from the other side of the carriage. 

“If they are, it’s going to be difficult to fix it, as we are quite literally in the middle of nowhere.” 

As Rey said those words, everyone in the carriage started rising from their slumbers and mothers began waking up their children.

It would be very silly to miss an opportunity to have some peaceful sleep on a still ground as finally after so many weeks the carriage stopped moving, as the constant rocking exhausted everyone inside. But like Rey, most people had a feeling that this was not a normal stop and that something bad was about to happen. 

Loud voices from the outside reached Rey’s ears. It was difficult make sense of what they were saying, but it sounded like there were at least five men shouting something at the same time. 

Rey placed her ear on the same wooden crack that she used to watch the outside. Some voices became clearer and easier to understand. 

“Can you hear anything?” Cassandra asked. 

Rey raised her palm in order to ask for total silence from everyone. The carriage became instantly quiet. Quieter than it had been in a long time since the background noise of a moving carriage was also put to a stop. 

The sudden silence was deafening. It made the quiet buzzing that she had in her ears louder than in was in the past weeks. 

Everyone inside froze as if something was about to happen. 

A gunshot rain in the not so far distance put an end to the silence. 

Everyone inside started screaming. 

For all the weeks of their travels, guns were never actually used on any of the exiles. So, the shocking sound of multiple rifles being fired at the same time, made everyone inside erupt into shouting and panic. 

“THEY’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL!!” 

“What the hell is going on?!” 

“Are they going to kill us after bringing us so fucking far from home?!!” 

“Lord have mercy on our poor souls!!” 

Rey had never seen so many people stand so quickly. She was completely overwhelmed by all the shouting and all the panicking and guns being fired in the distance. 

The sound of raining bullets suddenly stopped and all that was left was the shouting from the inside of the carriage. 

The sound of people banging on the walls of their carriages reached everyone’s ears. 

Every single carriage heard the gunshots and every single carriage began pounding on the wooden doors. Like an ocean wave, the sound of people knocking began to rise carriage by carriage. 

Rey and Cassandra were shoved aside, as people started running forward to bang on the doors in the same manner as others did. 

Caroline was almost stepped on, until Poe jumped to his grandmother's rescue and pulled her up to himself, protecting the old woman from being almost stepped on. 

Rey’s heart was in her throat, panic was crippling all of her senses. Cassandra grabbed her and together with Poe and Caroline, they ran to the other side of the carriage walls, as far as possible from the people who were banging the walls. 

“What the hell is going on?” demanded Poe, panic shaking his voice. Caroline put her blanket around her shoulders and began coughing into her forearm. 

“I don’t know! Maybe something happened in other carriages?” 

“What do you mean something happened?” Poe’s frustrated look made Rey’s anxiety rise ven more. For some reason, she felt like she could throw up, even if her stomach was completely empty. 

“Fuck, I don’t know! Maybe other carriages were causing trouble!” 

The shouting and the banging increased even more, and Rey felt like putting her arms on her ears and her head between her knees to make the noise go away. 

“What are you saying, Rey?” 

“Fuck, they‘re going to exterminate the whole carriage, Poe!!” 

His mouth fell open as his whole body slumped down on the floor. Cassandra tried grabbing his hand to hold him up, but she just slumped down with him. 

“But that can’t be!”, interrupted Caroline, for the very first time. “Maybe they just fired some shots to raise some fear, but not to kill.” 

“SHUT UP!”  the noise suddenly came from the outside.

Soldiers began banging on the outside of their door, like an awser to exiles banging. The sound of fists and guns being banged on the wall made everyone inside bang their fists even more. A form of pointless resistance that could very much end up killing every person inside. 

“No!!” 

“Let us all out!!” 

“We want to go, now!!” 

“Let me out!” 

The noises rose more and more until the final sentence from a soldier cut like a hot knife through butter.

“Fine! If you want your freedom, here is your freedom, criminal scums!”  

To Rey's absolute surprise, the small clicks of guns sounded way louder than the shouting and banging people. 

Maybe it was because her lifelong punishment began with a click of a gun. 

That tiny mechanical sound was engrained in her head. 

In a split second, all she could do was cover Cassandra, Caroline and Poe with her own body as bullets began flying into her carriage.

She scrunched her eyes shut and squeezed her arms around the three new family members that she gained. Rey tried to relax her body a bit, as she thought it would be less painful if a bullet hit her.

All the screams of panic were replaced by screams of terror.

She couldn’t see anything, but hearing the sound of bullets and yelling at people was enough to make her weep from fear. 

Maybe dying from a shot wound was the right way for her to go. 

That was after all how her parents died. 

Rey didn’t even think twice about sacrificing herself to save the Damerons. 

Saving a family was the right choice. Especially where there was no one who waited for her back home. 

No one was missing her. And no one would wonder if she was alive or not. 

But the family that she held so desperately in her arms was different. They had people who waited for them to come back home. So it was only right if they got to live, instead of her. 

She waited for at least one bullet to hit her tired and weak body. 

All the people that stood before fell on the wooden floor. 

The bullets kept firing and firing for what seemed like an eternity. 

But then it just stopped.  

The deafening silence was quickly erased as her ears began to buzz like cicadas on a late summer afternoon. 

Rey slowly raised her head that was tucked in between Poe and Cassandras necks. 

The two of them looked shell-shocked and all of their faces were covered in tears.  

Cassandra put her palm on Rey’s head and gently stroked it, her other hand stroking Rey’s face as more tears started to erupt. Rey started crying even more as the two of them hugged with as much strength as their bodies allowed. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes as the people inside started rising from the floor. 

The two women let go of each other and Rey turned her body back to the door, where people were banging before. 

Small specks of light were falling through the top of the door and the corner of the ceilings where the bullet holes were. They gently hit Reys dirty face. She stood up to see the light better. Everyone around her was still on the floor. 

The soldiers angled their guns at the very top of the carriage and because of that, not a single person inside was shot that day. 

But the silence after the guns did not last. 

There was no more shouting. No more guns being fired. 

Just a song that reached Rey’s ears. 

A song that every person from every carriage began singing. 

A song that was born from incredible fear.

A song that was born from people that were closer then ever on deaths door step.

But it wasn’t just a song anymore. It was something more.

Something that pleaded with the divine without even possessing the necessary verbiage.

It was a prayer. 

Rey closed her eyes and listened. 

“Let Me Come Back Home” 

“...My Favorite Song....” 

“Will Be Sang There...” 

“My Feelings Die Here...” 

“...Prisoner’s Heart....” 

“Foreign Sky...” 

“...Unpleasant To Me.” 

“The River That Flows...” 

“The River That Calms My Heart...” 

“The Land Of My Heart...” 

“Let Me Come Back Home.” 

- 

Four weeks and five days into the journey, the train stopped for the final time and the carriage door was opened. Everyone inside was told to leave with their belongings. 

They have finally arrived to Siberia. 

Chapter Text

19/26

November 18th, 1948  

Unknown Location

Siberia  

All the exiles stood right next to the carriages that were used to bring them to Siberia. 

Hundreds and hundreds of tired and ill-looking people with their bags and suitcases stood in lines of four, waiting for a command on where they should go next. 

Rey stood at the very front of the line with Poe on her right side and Cassandra with Caroline on her left. 

A long line of at least seventy soldiers in thick wool coats stood in front of the exiles, around ten meters away from them. They all had guns on them, and their arms were placed behind their backs, legs slightly spread. 

It looked like they were there to shoot them down, right on the spot. 

It would only require a single voice to shout a command and the bullets would start flying at the exiles. 

Rey imagines how one by one their bodies would start falling on the snow like domino pieces. The river of warm blood mixed with the crisp and white snow. 

A horrific sight. 

But that was not what was about to happen. 

Nine soldiers in rows of two started to march between the exiles and the soldiers. Four rows of two and a high-ranking soldier in the very middle leading them.  

They looked at the exiles and at the tops of the carriages where the bullet holes were. 

The company stopped right in front of Rey and the people who were travelling with her on board the same carriage.  

The high-ranking soldier looked like he was in his fifties, almost six feet tall and mostly bald with dark blond hair peeking from the sides of his head and a pair of hazel eyes. 

He looked at the carriage and then at the exiles, who stood there motionless. His nostrils flared and intense anger washed over his face. In a matter of a couple seconds that anger transformed into something dangerous. The man finally turned his whole body to the long row of soldiers and yelled a much louder voice than Rey anticipated. 

“Who did this?!” He raised his gloved finger at the bullet holes that were littered all over the top of the carriage. 

Not a single soldier flinched or even moved a muscle. 

Rey had a feeling that this was not the answer he was hoping for. 

“I said-” He pulled a pistol out of his holster that was strapped around his thick brown military wool coat and pointed at the soldiers “WHO DID THIS!”  

Five soldiers took one step forward and one confessed their actions. 

“We did, Sir.”  

The older man swung his gun in their direction. 

“Why?” He said in a quiet tone, gun still pointing at him. 

“Sir, carriages one, two three and four were banging on the walls and making a loud commotion on an early morning, five days before the arrival. It was impossible to sleep, so we felt like it was necessary to stop the train and put an end to it. We stopped the train and fired some shots in order to inject some fear and discipline. As a result of that, every carriage ended up erupting into shouting. Thus, carriages one, two, four and nineteen ended up receiving the most damage.” Said a soldier who looked like he was in his mid-twenties. 

“So, you five shot up my carriages because the criminals were making some noises?”  

There was a long pause before a quiet answer was heard. 

“Yes, sir.”  

“And did it work?”  

“What, Sir?”  

“Did the criminals calm down after YOU FIVE FIRED BULLETS INTO MY CARRIAGES!”  

The loud eruption of the soldier made most people flinch a little. 

“Because of your stupid little incident, the train with the criminals arrived one day late. As you all know, the next part of their journey is a ferry ride. So, tell me, soldier, what happens to a river when winter comes?”  

“It freezes, Sir.”  

“Correct, soldier, it freezes. And what do you think will happen to these criminals if we cannot have them further transported?”  

“...they might get stuck here.”  

“And what happens then?”  

“They freeze and die?”  

“Correct, soldier. They stay here and freeze to death because we do not have food or shelter for them. All this effort that was put into bringing them here would be for nothing if they died right here. Wouldn’t you agree?”  

“Yes, Sir.” He stuttered. 

Rey could see the soldier shaking in fear. His legs and hips began trembling. 

“So, tell me again, why did you delay my train by one day you stupid degenerate?!”  

An answer was not needed because the high-ranking soldier launched onto him. He pushed him down on the snow, jumped onto him and started punching him bloody. 

No one interfered and no one said a single word. Everyone just watched in silence. Mothers covered the faces of their small children and some exiles looked away. But not Rey. 

She felt no empathy. On the contrary, it gave her satisfaction to see them suffer and to finally be at the receiving of abuse. 

To see them finally get just an ounce of what they were put through. 

It was an incredibly twisted feeling. 

She could still remember her mother giving her lessons in empathy. But those lessons and those feelings became unusable. Empathy was an emotion that could get one killed when faced with the realities of war. And Rey was no saint, she knew that. She was more than aware of that dark side of her that was a product of her pain, and it was always made more apparent whenever the people who caused her and her loved one's pain finally suffered. 

The hitting suddenly stopped and all Rey was able to see was a face covered in blood. The other four soldiers shook a little, as they expected to receive the same treatment. But the man just stood and wiped his bloody hands on his coat and turned back towards the exiles. 

“Soldiers lead these criminals do the docks!”  

- 

Rey stood on a doc of a massive ferry that moved faster than normal. The chilly wind was blowing her hair that fell out from underneath her head scarf. She peacefully watched the passing trees that stood on the shore of the large river. They were all covered in thick blankets of snow and it was difficult for her to tell which trees they were. 

The weather outside was incredibly cold but the sun was shining above her head. 

Rey did not know how it was possible that the river was not frozen or how low the temperature was, but it did feel like it was at least –25C. It was hard for her to handle the fact that it was this cold already and that it was only going worst. 

She looked at the dark water and saw large chunks of ice flowing with the current of the river.  

Rey closed her eyes and felt the chilly wind brush over her red cheeks. She inhaled the crispy winter air through her nose. The cold air hit her lungs without causing her any pain. 

For the first time since this whole thing began, Rey didn’t feel tortured.  

Three hours ago, the exiles got fed on board the ferry. They all got a bowl of tasteless porridge and a piece of black bread. The same exact food they were mostly fed on board the train. 

Her stomach wasn’t empty, and she wasn’t crammed in a small and dark space. Her chest was still achy, but not as much as before. 

This seemed like a massive improvement. 

It was still hard to tell where exactly they were being taken or what exact work they will be forced to do, but at this exact moment Rey felt content and in peace. 

An illusion of optimism that she consciously entertained for a moment. 

“Are you okay?” Poe came right next to her and put his hands on the railing of the ship. 

“I’m all right. How is your grandmother?” 

“Still kicking. Mother tried to give her half of the porridge, but she declined. You know how stubborn can be.” 

“I know. I wish she would just allow for us to take care of her, instead of pretending that she is fine.” 

“Yeah. She’s stubborn and not at all easy to deal with. Plus, she doesn’t let people in easily.” 

Rey chuckled a bit. “Yeah, I noticed how she acts with me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I have no concrete examples, but there is this apparent coldness that always radiates from her, whenever I talk to her. I don’t particularly mind it; I am a stranger to her. I suppose I just wish it wasn’t like that.” 

“Well, that’s Caroline Bey for you.” Poe turned his face to Rey adding, “But I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She might not be pleasant, but I don’t think she would do anything to harm you.” 

“You sure about that?” 

“Nope!” 

Rey turned her face towards him, and they both burst into laughter until their cheeks pulled from slight pain. 

His face lit up and it made the dirt smudges on his face even more apparent. 

But even with all the smudges, it was still hard to miss that he was handsome. His dark brown eyes were warm, and his black curly hair was as thick and silky as his mother's. Poe looked younger than Rey. It was probably because, unlike Rey, Poe looked exactly like a seventeen-year-old would. Not at all aged too soon because of wartime stress.  

Poe wore a long dark brown wool coat that buttoned in the middle. He had thick winter boots on his feet and black knitted gloves on his hands. 

None of them have bathed on a month and you could really tell by the looks and especially by the smells. But it was impossible to judge one another when fixing your hygiene was not a possibility for anyone. 

She was just really glad that her period didn’t come over the past month. That was the only good thing that came from starvation. 

“Has she always been like this?” 

“I don’t think so, but in order to clarify, I would need to ask my mother. And yes, she can be scary; I will admit to that, but I do believe she means well. At least for her own family.” 

There was a long pause before Rey finally continued. “That’s nice.” 

“What is nice? Having a grandmother with an attitude?” 

They both released a wet chuckle, 

“No. Having family that cares about you.” Poe was about to say something, but Rey immediately stopped him. “You don’t have to apologize, Poe. I’m just happy that I got to feel that belonging once again.” 

Poe smiled, as did Rey. 

A comfortable silence set between them. 

They both watched the chunks of ice drifting in the dark water and the changing trees. It was an incredibly beautiful sight. The bright sun that made the snow on the distant shore look like it was littered with small diamonds. 

“What do you think waits for us?” 

Rey turned his face to him and met his eyes. He had a serious expression but there was some anxiety buried secretly in his face. 

“Work. Well, at least what they said. I’m just not sure what kind of work. It is the winter season, so no fieldwork. At least not until spring.” 

Poe stayed for a while silent as his expression became more serious. He watched the trees at the shore. 

“Forests.” 

“What about them?” 

“I bet they sent us here to work in forests.” His eyes lit up a bit like he made a grand revelation. “Yes, it makes sense! We’re here to cut forests for firewood. My father and other men from my village used to go to the forests around October and November to stock up firewood for the cold season. That’s when most forest work gets done and I’m certain that that’s why we’re here right now.” 

Her eyebrows scrunched up a bit. 

Cutting trees? That’s a very intense form of labour. Rey expected fieldwork or a job in a factory or something, but not work outdoors in freezing temperatures. 

“That’s... crazy.” He gave her a questioning look and she immediately added. “I believe you, it’s just... How on earth are we supposed to work in such cold, when the true Siberian winter hasn’t even started?” 

“I have no idea. But that’s my best guess. We’ll definitely freeze our asses off, I just hope that we’ll be provided with shelter and food.” 

“Yeah, I hope so too.” 

Rey closed her eyes and allowed Poe’s words to seep in.  

She believed Poe. What else would they be doing in the middle of winter if not forest work. But cutting down trees and turning them into firewood the entire winter sounded torturous. 

She wasn’t scared of hard labour. Rey was a hard worker. But this sounded not even doable. 

Rey couldn’t think of a reality where she doesn’t freeze her limbs off, doesn’t get seriously sick or doesn’t get hurt during her work. 

Poe must have noticed the change in her expression because he immediately added: “Don’t worry, I used to join my father every winter, I know what to expect and what to do. I’ll teach you if they don’t.” He smiled a bit. “Don’t worry Rey, we’ll be fine.” 

Rey gave him a sad smile back. 

His words didn’t really ease her anxious heart. 

All she could do was hope that he was right and that whatever labour waited for them was indeed possible to withstand. 

“C’mon let’s go back to my mother and grandmother. I’m sure that they’ll be wondering about us soon.” 

“You go ahead, I’ll be right behind you.” 

She turned her back to the dark water, as Poe left her side. 

She looked at the dark water and imagined her own cold body drifting together with the pieces of ice and rogue logs of wood. 

Rey pushed out the cold air out of her lungs and returned to her family. 

- 

A few hundred people disembarked from the large ferry a day later. A mass of thickly dressed people blended into one. 

The ferry previously made three stops. In each stop, five carriages of people were told to disembark, whilst the others continued the journey. The very first ones to get off were the people from the first five carriages. Later, carriages six, seven, eight, nine and ten. The other stop was carriages ten eleven and so on. 

Some relatives that were in other carriages were allowed to rejoin their families on their stop. 

And some weren’t. 

Rey didn’t know on what exactly the soldiers based that crucial decision on, but she figured it was mostly decided at random. 

If there was one thing that didn’t stop surprising her throughout this whole journey, was how easy it was for them to just separate families without even batting an eye. Just as easy as it was to dump dead bodies on the side of the side railway track. 

Rey never in her life anticipated witnessing such cruelty. The Rey of the past didn’t even think that such inhuman actions were possible, nor was her imagination even capable of producing such a terrible sight. 

That was the Rey that still had her parents with her, and that little girl was yet to experience the war. 

But that Rey was long gone. 

Because this Rey was about to start a life in Siberia. And it started with her getting off the animal carriage and later the ferry. 

The fourth ferry stop was the stop where Rey and other people from her carriage got off. 

Rows of exiles were walked to an unknown destination. 

The soldiers walked in front of the crowd, a few on each side and several in the back. A massive crowd of people walked in lines of four or five people through a snowy road in the middle of a forest. No one spoke of a word and the only thing everyone heard was the crunching snow beneath their feet. 

Everyone’s heads were hanging low. Exhaustion was visible on their faces. The month-long journey seemed to never end and if diseases or soldiers didn’t kill them, exhaustion would. 

Poe carried most of his grandmother's belongings and Rey helped with his mother's things. It’s not like her own backpack was heavy.  

Cassandra held her mother by the arm, helping the older mother break through the snow.  

Caroline’s health didn’t improve even the slightest bit. Her coughing was increasing with each passing day, and she absolutely refused to admit to her family shat she was sick. But they all saw that she became weaker and more lethargic. 

Even if Caroline refused to admit that her body was slowly failing, her stubbornness and denial didn’t help with the worry that her daughter held inside of her. But Cassandra’s face spoke volumes. The physical struggles her mother faced scared Cassandra so much. 

“Do we even know where we’re going?” Asked Poe, not hiding the bitterness and exhaustion in his voice. 

“I have no idea. They did not say anything to anyone. But if we reach a point in this journey where we’re walking by foot, I suspect that we should close to the end of this torturous journey.” 

“Your words into God's ear, Rey.” 

She smiled, adjusting the strap of her backpack on her shoulders. 

The endless forests around them intimidated her a great deal. They weren’t like the ones back home. 

Forests always scared her. It was so easy to get lost if you didn’t know your way around.  

Whenever her parents took her to a forest to pick mushrooms and berries, they always made sure to dress her thickly to avoid ticks. They also always made sure to have her by their side so that she wouldn’t get lost. 

Rey could just about see herself detaching from the group of people and walking into a forest and never coming out. 

It was a morbid thought, but the unknowingness of what was about to come since it seemed like they almost arrived, scared her more than the idea of getting lost in a cold and desolate forest. 

“Halt!”  

Everyone stopped immediately.  

Rey raised her head to see where they were. The brightness of the day and the whiteness of the white snow stung her eyes. 

She then realized that they were standing in front of a brick building complex that stood in an empty field, with a forest surrounding the edges of the area as soon as gravel and the concrete ended. 

A massive and lonesome building stood in the very middle of a forest. It looked like a hospital that was made up from several different units that were connected by one single corridor. The yellow bricks contrasted greatly in the whiteness of the wilderness it was surrounded by and the windows reflected the bright sun. 

The placement of this building confused Rey. It looked like it belonged in a large city and not at all a random field in the middle of nowhere.  

The purpose of this building was just as unclear, even though the sign above the roof of the massive entrance was right there. 

“What does it say?” Poe said quietly to Rey. 

“I... I don’t know.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know? You can understand them, right?” 

“Yes, but I can’t read it” 

He paused looking at her and looking back at the right again. 

“You mean, you don’t know the alphabet?” 

Rey shook her head. “No, they never taught me.” 

At this moment she felt like a failure. In the grand scheme of things, knowing the language that was so essential in their situation and yet so very few knew it, meaning that her family had a leg up. But she failed to take into consideration the fact that she was not able to read it. Some letters were familiar, but she couldn’t come up with a single word. 

“They? How do you know this language? I assumed one of your parents taught you.” 

“No, I didn’t learn it from them. My mother knew it a little, but she never taught me.” 

She paused in between sentences, watching what the soldiers ahead were doing. Five more armed men came out and they joined the others. She saw a man pull out a massive stack of documents and hand them over to one of the men who met them by the door. They started discussing something, but Rey was too far to hear what they were saying or see their lips moving. 

Something was about to happen; she could feel it in the air.  

One of them raised their hand, waiving in their direction. The soldiers from the sides and the back started moving forward to the building, but no commands were given to the exiles. They all just stood outside on the snow, waiting for something to happen as the bright sun shined above their heads. 

“Then how do know it? It is a little unusual. You... you don’t have any connections to them, do you?” 

Poe looked at her and she raised her eyes to look at him. He was taller than her, but not by much. Rey always knew that she was tall for a woman. But what surprised her most about her height, was that she just kept getting taller, despite constant the lack of food in her belly. 

She scrunched her eyes and collected herself. Rey hated that he doubted her honesty, but she also expected for this to happen at some point. 

She got the urge to scream in his face ’No! They killed my parents. How could you even think of that!’, but she didn’t give in to that urge. So, she answered him calmly. 

“No, Poe, I have no connections to them or that government. They-” she pointed her finger at the soldiers that stood next to the entrance of that building. “didn’t teach me anything and I have nothing to do with them.” She paused for a bit before adding, “The people who took me in when my parents died were the ones who taught me their native tongue.” 

“Wait, what people? Who took you, Rey?”  

She didn’t want to specify. It was very traumatic remembering her time with that family and especially how it ended with her quickly packing her things into a small suitcase, as tears of panic and fear completely blinded her vision. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t specify. It’s not the right time or place to talk about this. But I can say is that they only talked in their native tongue, so naturally, I had to learn in. But teaching me how to read was not necessary nor useful for them, so I never learned the alphabet.” 

Poe’s eyes softened as he continued looking at her. 

“I’m sorry, Rey. I’m sorry for ever doubting you. War made me very paranoid and untrustworthy of anyone.” 

“It’s okay, Poe I’m the same. If our positions were switched, I would be the one questioning you.” 

He smiled at her, and she smiled back at him. 

“I still wish we knew what’s written on the board.” 

“Oh, you don’t want to know that, kids.” 

An older man approached them from behind. They both threw their head to look at the person who said that. 

It was the older man from their carriage. The one that defended Rey. 

“It’s you. Kenobi, right?” Was all she could say. 

“Yes, that’s right, and you’re Renata and Poe.” 

Poe nodded and Rey added: 

“Yes. You said we don’t want to know what that sign says. Does that mean you can read it?” 

“Of course, I can. Like you, I’m fluent. But it seems like you never really got to the part of learning the alphabet.” 

“No, I did not.” She felt more shame wash over her. 

Poe quickly interjected into the conversation. 

“What does that sign say, grandpa? What are going to do with us?” 

Kenobi smiled a bit.  

In the light, Rey could finally see how he looked. He was an old man in his early sixties. Tall and slightly balding with grey hair. He was dressed like he was perfectly aware that a very cold and cruel winter waited for him. Kenobi had only one large suitcase on him, unlike most people who had brought with them large bags filled with their belongings.  

He looked slightly familiar to Rey, but she was pretty certain she’d never seen him before. 

“Grandpa... I haven’t heard anyone call me that in ages. Well, grandson, here is what’s going to happen to us now that that we’re almost there. They’re going to bring us all inside, tell us to strip down all our clothes, and have us bathe in a massive shared shower. Then, they're going to have each one of us sit down with a nurse and tell them about all the diseases we’ve ever had in our lives, inject maybe a few vaccines if they think you look like someone who might get other’s sick with something. After that, they might feed us and have us stay here overnight.” 

They were both quiet. Poe and Rey looked at each other, not knowing what to say to that. Kenobi continued. 

“And finally, tomorrow we’ll be lined up and someone is going to come and choose the ones who look like they would be the best and strongest labourers. Preferably families. And when that happens, I can only advise you kids one thing: stay together. Don’t let them separate you because they will try. Especially you, Renata, since you are alone, just like me.” 

Fear crept up on her as he said those words. As of now, she never really considered the possibility of being separated from Poe and his family. The thought of being all alone here brought back the same fears she felt when she was first shoved into the train carriage. 

“It might be wise to pretend that you are a family.” 

Rey lowered her head. As much as she thought that fooling the soldiers was a terrible idea, the thought of being separated from her family scared her much more. 

“The papers list family members, don’t they? Mine for sure say that I am in fact an orphan. So, if I start claiming that I am related to the Damerons, won’t they know? And once they do, how will they punish me for lying then? There has to be another way to convince them to not separate me.” 

She bombarded the older man with questions fueled with anxiety and fear. 

Kenobi just stayed silent and studied her face in a calm and collected manner. The man radiated this mysterious energy. Kenobi didn’t seem scared or distressed about the situation. She didn’t know how that was even possible. Especially after everything that they saw and were put through in the past weeks. 

Rey remembered how four weeks ago he shared that his children and grandchildren were exiled seven years ago. Were they communicating with him? Did they send him letters from the Laptev Sea? 

“How do you know all this? Is it because of your children?” Spat out, Rey. 

“Yes. My son wrote me letters. He told me of this process.” 

So, she was right, communication with home was possible. But it also reminded Rey how horrible it must be to have your children and grandchildren sent so far away. Possibly suffering every day from the Arctic temperatures. 

“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan. I can’t imagine how horrible that must be.” Was all Rey could say. 

“Thank you, child. I believe they are still alive, somewhere. At least I hope they are. Maybe life isn’t that cruel to an old and tired man like me.” 

None of them had anything to say to that. 

“Attention!”  

Everybody jerked their heads forward. Seven soldiers were standing on top of the staircase, right next to the entrance to the building. 

“We will start the dividing process. There are five carriages worth of people. Carriage, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen and twenty. I will call the carriage and all the people from it will start walking inside the building. Do you understand!?”  

There were a few people who nodded, some were talking amongst each other, possibly translating what the soldier told them to one another. 

Rey translated it to Caroline and Cassandra and everyone around her listened. 

“Okay, carriage fifteen with me!”  

A large group of people started walking inside the building, others stood outside waiting to be called. 

Cassandra and Caroline came closer to Poe and Rey. All four of them stood next to each other waiting to be called. Kenobi was somewhere behind Rey. 

“So, this is it, huh? The moment they start dividing us for good? I guess we finally made it.” 

No one answered Caroline, as it didn’t seem like anything else needed to be added. 

They finished the journey and all four of them were still alive.  

It was a massive relief to Rey and knew that the Damerons shared that sentiment. 

Over the month, Rey counted around forty deaths. There were possibly more than that, but the train was so impossibly long, and it was very much possible that she missed out on some.  

Every time she saw a dead body being tossed out on the side of the train tracks, she made an effort to look at it and remember the face of that person. It was incredibly cruel fate, to be stripped down of a basic right of burial.  

A proper and final resting place that the deceased person’s name and date.  

But to be tossed out like your life never mattered meant that the deceased person would never be able to have eternal rest next to your loved one. And no one would ever visit their grave, nor know where their body was placed.  

So, as compensation, a desperate attempt to make a cruel situation a tiny bit better, she tried to remember their faces. To carry them in her heart for as long as it beated, so that they wouldn’t be forgotten forever.  

Because she knew that if she had never met Poe and his family, Rey would have died on this journey, and no one would have ever noticed her absence. 

Maybe in a parallel universe, when this journey went a little differently, her limp and cold body was lying in a massive pile of snow, as her green eyes stared into the sky above her. Just like her history teacher. 

But she was alive, and she was here. 

And she was cold, tired and dirty and her chest was still painful. But she was ready to face whatever came next. 

“Carriage nineteen, with me!”  

They all started to walk inside. 

- 

The bathing room was completely covered in mist. It was so incredibly hot inside; Rey couldn’t remember the last time she felt this warm. It did wonders for her painful chest. 

Kenobi was right, they did take everyone’s clothes. Apparently, they were to be washed and returned afterwards. She didn’t expect such a kind gesture from them, but the more thought she gave the matter the more it started to make sense. 

The goal was simple: appeal as much as possible to the ones who are going to do the picking for labourers. 

Kenobi later elaborated that if they get lucky, they will get a sturdy roof over their heads and a job that’s not too hard, but only if they seem strong and ready to work. If their clothes were tidy if their posture was just right and expression not vindictive. And possibly if their papers didn’t say anything that could be used against them. 

They had to put their best foot forward and stand there like they are ready for this. Like they deserved to be there. Like they were happy to get a second chance in life and live out the rest of their lives working hard towards making The People’s Union a utopia that everyone who lived in was incredibly lucky. 

Rey wanted to scream into the distance when she heard it. But she kept her composure. 

She stripped down all of her heavy clothes and handed it to the women that stood next to the entrance. 

Before heading towards the bathing room, she put her father's mechanical watch into her backpack. She didn’t want the person who was about to wash her clothes to find it and keep it for themselves. 

Her parent's marital rings still hung from her neck as she bathed. It would be incredibly tragic to lose one of the very few items she still possessed from her parents and their rings were just something she could never part with.  

Those two rings represented their union, their love that resulted in her being born into this world. They might not be with her anymore, but she carried their love with her all the time. A physical reminder that there was a time in her life when she was incredibly loved by someone and not alone and lonely. Not at all like she has been for the past seven years or so. 

Rey inhaled the steam that was travelling all around the tile-covered room. Every woman around her was roughly scrubbing their bodies with water and something resembled a bar of soap. Being completely naked in front of so many women was uncomfortable at first, but once her skin felt the warmness that came from the inside, she managed to relax and not care. For the past month, all she ever wanted was to be clean and warm. This was like a dream coming true. 

“Would you like me to wash your hair?” 

Her head jerked towards Cassandra, who was just finishing washing off the soap from her mother's hair.  

Her cheeks were flushed from the heat in the room and her beautiful curly black hair was completely wet. This made Rey realize that her cheeks were more hollow then when she first saw her that early morning in October. Cassandra lost a great deal of weight on the trip, as did many other passengers. It made Rey wonder if she sneakily giving away a portion of her food to her mother and son and even Rey.  

This made her chest squeeze. 

“I would like that very much.” 

Cassandra picked up the bucket with warm water and started pouring it down on Rey’s hair. She then picked up the bar of soap and started massaging it into her scalp. 

“You know, you definitely inherited your hair colour from your father, but that hair texture is definitely a gift from your late mother. When Mira and I were little, we would braid each other’s hair. I remember thinking how lucky your mother was to get such silky and beautiful blond hair.” 

She lowered her eyes as Cassandra worked into her scalp, trying to wash out all the dirt from her hair. 

Rey couldn’t remember the texture of her mother's hair anymore. Only the shade. Mira had dark blond hair, the colour of grain fields that covered a huge part of the horizon, back home. Even as a child, Rey felt jealous of her mother’s beautiful hair. She looked like she belonged there. Like her ancestral soil granted her that beautiful shade as a gift that came from those lands.  

Rey’s hair was dark brown, the same as her father's. But there were also some tones of red underneath, just when the sun hit her hair at the right angle. Her hair was nowhere near as beautiful as her mother's. 

She also remembered a pool of blood mixing in with her mother's beautiful blonde hair. 

“I think so too. My mother always told me that she loved my hair. Although I have to admit, I was quite jealous of hers.” 

“Nonsense, your hair is just as beautiful as Mira’s.” 

She closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the scalp massage. It was a weirdly comforting gesture. 

Cassandra poured down water over her head, the warmness of the water spilling down her shoulders like a blanket. Rey took her hair and drenched it, forcing the water to leave the ends of her hair. 

“Can I wash your hair, Cassandra?” 

“Of course, Rey.” 

“I’m going to go, dear.” 

“Sure, just don’t forget to dry yourself properly, mama. It’ll be cold again once you leave this room.” 

From the side of her, she saw as Caroline stood up and started walking towards the towel rack.  

The journey was not easy for Caroline. For a woman in her sixties, she managed to handle the journey pretty well. However, her coughing didn’t go away. It only increased with each passing day. Rey hoped that just like her, the hot steam from the bathhouse would take some tension away from her lungs but age was a brutal force that affected everyone. It was much easier to heal from something when you had the advantage of youth. 

“I know you just complimented my hair greatly, but your hair is truly of a Goddess, Cassandra.” 

A loud laughter escaped Cassandra and it made Rey smile as well.  The older woman placed her hand on top of Rey’s, as it was sitting on her shoulder. She squeezed it lightly. 

“Thank you, sweet child.” 

- 

After the bath, they all changed into the clothes that were brought on the trip, as the ones that were taken for washing were not dry yet. Cassandra very kindly provided Rey with some of her clothes.  

The inside of the massive building was reasonably warm, so one sweater and a pair of pants were enough to keep Rey warm. 

All of them had to go to the medical infirmary where they got asked medical questions regarding what diseases they had as children or in general. Medical papers were filled out by nurses and some people received vaccines against something. The name of it was lost in translation, as most couldn’t understand a word the medical staff was saying. 

The four of them sat on the wooden floor in a semi-circle and ate their tasteless soups. Poe was one of the unlucky ones who got the mysterious vaccine. He was rubbing his shoulder and eating his soup in between. 

Around sixty people were placed in a massive and empty room that looked like an old gymnasium. They were all given a plate of brown soup with unrecognizable vegetables floating around a piece of bread with no butter on top. 

Then, they were told that it was too late for the day and that tomorrow somebody is going to come and pick up all two hundred people.  

It sounded crazy how so many people could be easily moved without a train or a ship but there was no doubt in their voices. 

So, for the night, they were told to make the cold wooden floor as comfortable as possible and sleep through the night, as in the morning an important moment awaited all of them. 

The picking of the best labourers. 

“Ugh, I couldn’t understand what the nurse was saying and then all of a sudden, she’s disinfecting my shoulder and stabbing me with a needle. That bitch.” 

“Language, son.” 

Rey chuckled into her soup. 

“Yeah, I think I heard you scream from the other room, Dameron.” 

Caroline started laughing and Cassandra shook her head with a ghost of a smile on her face. 

“Hey, I hate needles, okay? And who the hell knows what kind of a vaccine it was?” 

“Hard to say. I wish I could have heard what the nurse said to you.” 

“Yeah, well, you weren’t there. God, I just would like to know what I’m getting injected with. Now I’ll be paranoid as shit.” 

All three women nodded into their soups. 

Cassandra looked very worried when she found out that her son had been injected with something, but she didn’t verbally express her worry. 

“Was the needle sterile? Did it look like it was already used before? She asked her son. 

“I think it was sterile. She pulled it out of a sterile-looking compartment, and she did disinfect my arm. But I think she used vodka instead of a medical spirit.” 

They all chuckled. It didn’t surprise anyone that the medical staff was using vodka as a substitute for a medical disinfectant. There were food and supply shortages everywhere. War did end only three years go and the economy hasn’t recovered as of yet. 

“And how are you feeling now?” Grandma Caroline asked her grandson, as she placed her empty soup bowl down on the wooden floor. 

“Fine. Just my arm is sore.” 

“Well, I think it would be best if we rested for the night. Tomorrow is a big day for all of us.” 

All four of them nodded with their eyes lowered to the ground. 

“Kenobi advised me and Rey to have her next to us and tell them that we are a family.” 

“Who’s that?” 

Poe pointed a finger at his mother at the older man who was reading a book on the floor. He noticed Poe pointing at him and looked up. 

“That’s the man who defended Rey on the carriage.” 

“Oh, right, I remember him. And how does he know about this?” 

“It seems like his family already went through it and managed to send him a letter telling him about it. He said if we don’t lie to them that Rey is a part of our family, they might separate her from us.” 

Concern washed over Cassandra’s face. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at Rey. 

Renata Solana was an orphan. And her sentence and deportation documents had that information. Whoever was going to get those documents into their hands, more than likely could bring that up as grounds to send her somewhere else, separating from the people who very kindly took her under their wing. 

She stood and went straight to Rey, sitting down in front of her as she took the almost empty bowl of soup out her hands and taking them into her own. She squeezed her hands and looked into her eyes. 

“We won’t allow them to do that, okay? They won’t take you away from us.” 

Rey felt tears of sadness stain her eyes.  

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy, Cassandra.” 

“Mind if I sit here?” 

Kenobi pointed next to Rey. None of them noticed him getting up and coming over. 

“No, not at all. Please, sit.” Rey and Cassandra moved to the opposite sides and made some space for him. Caroline just smiled at him, and Kenobi smiled back.” 

“Thank you. Now, I know you are all worried about Renata getting separated from you three. I have that concern as well. Earlier today, we talked about that possibility and Renata made a good point that lying about false family relations might not be the best idea. If they figure it out, God knows where they’ll send her or you three for lying.” 

They all just stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. 

“The problem is that we don’t know what the papers say in regards to you three, is that correct?” 

Cassandra and Poe nodded, but Caroline did not. 

“If we lie and say that actually she’s your daughter or niece or whatever and the papers say that there is no such relation, then we might get into trouble.” 

“What about goddaughter? That doesn’t mean she has to have my blood.” Cassandra said quickly. 

“Well, they don’t really like religions, so they might find that family relation invalid.” 

“Then what do we say? I won’t allow Rey to be separated from us just because she doesn’t have my blood in her veins.” 

“We say that she is my granddaughter.” 

Rey lifted her head and looked at Kenobi. He gave her a warm smile. 

“Isn’t your granddaughter in Siberia? Won’t they know?” Rey asked. 

“Yes, I’m sure they know. Tell me, child, have they asked about your grandparents.” 

“No, and I don’t know if they would have any documents about that relation. My mother's parents died when she was a child, and my father took my mother's last name after marriage. So, I imagine it would be harder to find his parents. And I was not asked about them.” 

“Excellent. Here is what I propose. We shall say that you are in fact my grandchild from my estranged son, who ‘passed away’ and I had no contact with.” He did quotation marks with his fingers. 

They all stayed silent for a bit. 

“Would that work?” 

“They know that Renata’s parents are deceased, and they couldn’t check the grandparents on the spot. My documents say that I have a son that I don’t have any contact with. We will say that you are my grandchild from that relation. They won’t be able to double check the lie and let’s be honest we look alike a tiny bit. And hey, if I have to share a workspace with someone, I’ll more than gladly share it with you four.” 

They all chuckled a bit. 

Rey lowered her gaze with a smile on her face. 

“But that won’t guarantee that you two won’t be separated from us,” Poe interjected. 

“That is true. For that we’ll have to improvise on the spot. But if we do get separated, at least. Renata won’t be alone.” 

“Or we could say that we met on the train and fell madly in love,” Caroline said out of the blue. She blinked at Kenobi, and he smiled back at her. 

“Who wouldn’t fall in love with such a beautiful woman.” Kenobi flirted back. 

“Okay, this is becoming too weird. Please stop.” Poe’s face screamed disgust. Rey and Cassandra started laughing until their cheeks pulled. 

Cassandra stood and went to sit next to Rey. She took her hand and squeezed it gently. 

“This will work. I believe it will. They won’t take you away from us, Rey. I won’t allow it.” 

Each time the woman in front of showed her affection she couldn’t help but get emotional. Even after a month of receiving motherly comfort from Cassandra, Rey still couldn’t believe how touching it was for someone to care about her once again. For someone to be willing to fight for her. 

She released her hands from Cassandra’s and jumped into her embrace. The older woman hugged her back, squeezing her a bit. She felt Poe’s hand on her back and gently rubbed it in circles. 

“Thank you, Cassandra.” 

Cassandra released her grip and gently brushed Rey’s loose hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. 

“Thank you all for caring for me. I honestly don’t even know if I would be alive today if it wasn’t for your kindness and generosity.”  

They all smiled at her. Even the corners of Caroline’s lips tugged a bit up. 

“Now let’s all pull out the blankets and try to get some rest. Tomorrow more travels await us.” 

- 

A loud metal banging hit everyone’s ears and startled them up from their sleep. Three fully dressed soldiers stood at the entrance of the gymnasium with large metal bowls and large metal utensils. They banged them against the metal surface, effectively waking everyone up in an instant. 

Rey quickly jumped into a sitting position, her heart in her throat. She jerked her head towards the noise and as soon as she did it, it quickly stopped. Everyone around her started rising from their sleep, confused and disoriented. As soon as her vision cleared the soldier in the middle began shouting. 

“Everyone, get up! It’s time to leave! You have ten minutes to pack your belongings and go.”  

“Shit, it’s still too early.” Rey quietly muttered to herself. 

She looked at her father's mechanical watch that she pulled out of backpack put it on her arm, right before falling asleep. 

The clock said that it was eleven at night, but that couldn’t be it. 

She completely forgot about the time zone changes that increased the further they got into their journey. It was for sure not ten at night. Based on the light dimness that was falling through the windows on the top of the walls, it looked like it might be seven in the morning. 

“Hurry, NOW!” Yelled the middle soldier again and then two left and one stayed behind to possibly track time and make sure that everyone gets up and ready. 

All exiles quickly started getting dressed and packing their things into their travel bags and suitcases. 

Rey, like many others, found her washed and dried clothes neatly folded next to her head. She started putting them back on but not before taking off the borrowed clothes that Cassandra provided her with. 

Cassandra was already up helping her mother out with her clothes. The only one who was still asleep was Poe, who was sleeping slightly further from the three women. 

“Rey, could wake Poe up? It’s very unlike him to sleep through such commotion.” 

Rey nodded, quickly stood and started walking towards Poe. She put one arm into the sleeve of the turtleneck and threw it over her head and pushed it down. 

She kneeled from behind him and put her hand gently on his shoulder and shook him a bit. 

“Poe, get up we need to go, like right now.” 

He didn’t even flinch at her touch. Concern quickly washed over her, so she rolled him back on his back.  

His cheeks were red, and his face was covered in sweat.  

Rey panicked, she put her hand on his forehead, feeling the heat radiating from it.  

Fever was ripping him. 

She squeezed her eyes shut. Too many dark thoughts flashed through her mind, all the dead faces that she saw on this journey came back to mind and absolute dread came with it, that Poe’s face might be added to the gallery of deceased people that stood in her head.  

She threw her head back and released a muted scream towards his loved ones. 

“Cassandra! He’s running a fever!” 

Poe’s mother's eyes widened in shock, and she quickly grabbed something and stood, running up to both of them. She put her hand on his forehead, feeling the high temperature his body was producing. Her concerned expression changed into a serious one and she started shaking her son to finally snap him out of his sleep. 

His eyes weakly opened; he muttered something that Rey couldn’t understand. 

“Son, you’re running a fever from the vaccine, do you understand?” She had a dry white cotton cloth in her hand that she used to wipe the sweat off his face. “Rey, I remember you said you have paracetamol. Could you bring it to me?” 

“Of course, but it’s expired. Won’t that make it even worse?” 

Cassandra chewed on the inside of her cheek. Rey then noticed that her hands were shaking. 

“I’m not sure. Maybe it depends on how much time?” 

Rey stood and ran quickly to her backpack. She grabbed it and knelt by Cassandra and Poe. Rummaging through the backpack, she felt the little pouch in which she kept her medicine. She pulled it out, unzipped the top and on the very top the small jar of paracetamol sat. Dropping the rest of her medicine bag into her backpack, she scooped out the bottle and turned it to see the very back with the expiration date. 

“It expired in Mach!” 

Cassandra stretched out her towards Rey. She stood and ran towards the older woman. 

“Give it to me! Do you still have some water in your in your flask?” 

Rey nodded and gave it to her. Cassandra gently lifted Poe to a sitting position. He protested at first, as the action required too much energy of him but eventually, he was up. 

“Poe, I need you to take these pills, okay? We’re leaving now and I need you to pull yourself for now, is that clear son?” 

Sweat trickled down his face, his eyes were still a bit disoriented, but he clearly understood what he was being asked of. 

He took the pills from his mother, put them into his mouth and swallowed them down with some water. He then slowly started getting up as Rey and Cassandra supported him. 

“5 minutes!”, yelled the soldier and people began to rush even more. 

“Rey, dear, could you help my mother pack everything up? I’ll dress up Poe.” 

She nodded and quickly ran back to Caroline, where she was folding all the blankets and putting them back into their bags. 

Caroline and Rey didn’t speak much, the two women just rushed through their task. 

She was a stark contrast to her gentle-hearted daughter. Caroline was a cold woman, who made no effort into concealing that part of herself. She allowed her facial expressions to do most of the speaking, as she didn’t think it was necessary to waste her breath most of the time on obvious things. She was a small and very intimidating woman. 

Caroline was a whole head shorter than Rey. Her once black hair was almost grey now and her brown eyes were lighter than the ones that Caroline and Poe had. Unlike Poe and Cassandra, her hair is thin and straight. Her eyes and face were covered in wrinkles that surprisingly suited her well. For a small and slender woman, Caroline had an air of authority and she radiated the energy of someone who is unbreakable. 

Even when her coughs were getting more frequent, or when she and her family were filthy, sick and starving, Caroline remained composed and unaffected by every terrible thing that fell on her shoulders. 

“Renata, help me put those blankets inside the bag.” 

Rey nodded and helped her out.  

Caroline had dressed Poe, and they were both standing. He was leaning into his mother, as she had his arm on her shoulders. 

Rey put her backpack on her back and took two bags from Caroline. She went to Cassandra and Poe and had him lean into her as well. 

“Time is up! You have to leave!”  

She wrapped her now clean headscarf on her head, tying the knot underneath her chin. She pushed the scarf a little back, to see better. The fact that her hair was down and not braided irritated her a great deal, as having her hair down and undone often made her feel exposed and somehow naked. And the last thing she wanted to feel was vulnerability. 

Now, more than ever, Rey had to stand as tall as possible. An image of an unbreakable and untouchable spirit that lived in the body of a skinny teenager. 

She wouldn’t allow herself to show her weakness to them, how she did when she was caught stealing. 

Rey held her head high, her expression stern, as all the exiles in this building got separated in different directions of the endless wilderness of Siberia. 

All bags and suitcases in their hands, and Poe’s weak body leaning into the two women, the four of them, together with the rest of the families, began to walk outside. 

-

They walked down the dim corridor, following everyone else that was ahead of them. 

Poe managed to walk, but barely. He was very disoriented, and his movements seemed weak and slightly paranoid. 

This really scared Rey.  

If what Kenobi said was true, they would choose the ones who looked most fit for work. The stronger the family came across, the higher the chances were that they would be placed in a good environment.  

Up until yesterday, out of the four of them, Poe looked the sturdiest and most capable of physical labour. Now, he was reduced to a disoriented and feverish young man, who looked like he was about to fall down and pass out. 

Rey was truly scared to see how one night completely debilitated her friend. 

Cassandra herself looked very fragile and frail, as did her mother.  

The same thing could be said about Rey. She didn’t look like someone strong. More like a dry branch that could easily snap in half. Her shoulders were small, her frame was thin, and she didn’t really have any hips. Her only advantage was that she was quite tall for a woman.  

The four of them didn’t look like desirable laborers and that concerned Rey deeply. 

Her paranoid mind began to fill with scary thoughts. 

If separation wasn’t scary enough, the fact was that Rey was a seventeen-year-old girl – an easy target to take advantage of. And if the new ‘government’ was capable of sending people away in such a cruel manner, it wasn’t above the realm of possibilities that she might be forced into prostitution or something even worse that her mind was not even capable of imagining. 

As a war orphan, she managed to avoid most terrible scenarios and scary situations. But that resulted in intense paranoia and her being unable to ever feel relaxed. Life for Rey was a never-ending stress and struggle that was deeply entwined with so many fears that sometimes resulted in her being unable to sleep or leave her parent's house, even when she was starving. Only on better days, she managed to fulfil her daily tasks, the rest of her time was spent in a dark haze in which time didn’t exist. 

But that all changed when she saw those raspberries. 

Wherever Rey gets sent today, she knows that she won’t have the luxury of feeling too depressed and scared to do anything anymore. The struggles that she’s about to face will become much more difficult to handle and neither she nor anyone here didn’t know exactly what exactly awaited them. 

The scariest moment in her entire life is about to happen. Scarier than being caught by armed soldiers who had no sympathy for her kind. Her life was now in the hands of someone who didn’t know her. A life-altering choice that will inevitably decide how the rest of her life will look like. 

“Shit.” Muttered Poe quietly, as the brightness of the snow hit their visions. His words snapping her back to reality. 

Shit was the right word to describe what Rey saw next. 

Around fifty armed soldiers stood outside, delegating all the exiles to have them standing based on their numbers. Not too far from them were dozens of freshly parked open-back trucks. 

Hundreds of people were being lined in a line of columns based on their carriage and personal numbers, right in front of that mysterious building complex that stood in the middle of a forest. 

Crowds and crowds of tired and ill-looking people with a life’s worth of belongings were being placed in rows, their feet drowning in fresh snow that fell overnight. 

“Carriage fifteen, with me! Everyone, stand in a line of five based on your personal number, the next row of five stands to the first one. There should be eight rows of people for one carriage!” Yelled a soldier at the crowd. Somebody amongst the exiles took the liberty of screaming back the very same thing but in a Baltic language. The crowds started shuffling even more, standing in rows of five. Another soldier yelled at the crowd asking for people of carriage fifteen to do the same thing. 

“Fuck, we really are just livestock to them.” Poe half-whispered into Rey’s ear. 

Her head turned to him, his arm still on her shoulder. He looked slightly better than twenty minutes ago. His cheeks were still red, and his body was still weak and slightly shaky, but his mind was finally able to grasp what was happening.  

That sentence oddly calmed her. Probably because she was glad to see his sassy attitude back. 

“I never doubted that we wouldn’t. I think Kenobi was right, they are going to choose the strongest-looking people.” Rey whispered back to him. 

“I don’t think I can brag about that, Rey. I feel like I could burn up at any moment and I’m sure they’ll pick up on that real fast.” 

“Not if you stand straight and not allow your body to shake. This is it Poe, the most crucial part of this journey, if we get separated now it’s all over.” 

Poe chuckled and leaned a little into Rey’s ear. She felt his hot breath on her ear, the gesture not unpleasant. 

“You’re right, maybe we can fool them into thinking that I’m fine. I’m not worried about myself, Renata. I’m worried about you.” 

Rey chewed on her cracked lips, ripping a piece of skin off. Blood started leaking from the small wound and she sucked on it. 

She turned her head back, to where Kenobi stood not too far from them. He gave her a small nod. 

Their plan was still on. 

“I’ll be fine. We have a plan and I know their language.” 

“Yes, but you can’t read it.” 

“Thanks for the reminder, asshole.” She smiled. 

Poe chuckled and then coughed. Cassandra looked at him with a concerned expression. 

He took his arm off from his mother's shoulder and gave her a frail looking thumbs up. A weak attempt to show her that he was fine.  

Rey didn’t believe that it was the expired medicine that suddenly made him feel better, but something definitely changed in him to want to stand on his own. 

“No problem, classmate. I’m always here to be an unpleasant reminder that we’re potentially fucked. But as much as I wish that this whole process would go smoothly and that we’ll be able to fool them into thinking that you have a grandfather, I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to prove otherwise. But if that happens Rey, my mother will try her best to have you stay with us. I don’t think she could handle seeing you taken away. And neither could I, to be honest.” 

She chewed her wounded lip even more. 

“I don’t want any of you to interfere. I fear that it might make things worse for you three. Kenobi and I will do the talking.” There was barely any confidence in her voice and Poe definitely picked up on that. 

“Okay, okay we won’t say a word. Let’s hope all goes well.” 

He removed his arm from her shoulder, standing on his own. He was still feverish and wobbly, but Poe was a fantastic actor at this second, and Rey was grateful for his strength and resilience. 

“Carriage nineteen, line up!”  

Everyone who was left unplaced started walking towards the very end of the crowd. 

Rey walked towards the end of the crowd, Cassandra and Caroline on her right, Poe on her left. 

She didn’t forget her number.  

Twenty-six. 

Her whole existence was just reduced to the two sets of numbers: 

Carriage nineteen, exile number twenty-six. 

She wasn’t supposed to be at the very front of the row. But the simple fact was that the people who were supposed to fill that spot died leaving their spots to be filled by someone else. 

Soldiers came in front of her and Rey got pushed back a bit, regrouping the exiles. She stood behind person number twenty-four, a man with dark brown hair who looked like he was in his late twenties. Rey was in front of person number twenty-eight. Twenty- seven died on the trip. An older woman who was travelling alone, to Rey’s surprise. She couldn’t remember who exactly twenty-five was. 

Exile number twenty-eight was Obi-Wan Kenobi.  

The placement was perfect. 

He squeezed her hand from behind and gave her a gently smile, reassuring her that everything will be all right. 

Poe, Cassandra and Caroline were on her left. Right next to her left stood Cassandra. In front of her was her mother, and behind her, Poe. 

Rey looked around at all the people who lined up very nicely. A couple hundred people stood in rows like soldiers that were about to embark on a military drill. But that thought was so far away from reality. 

Not a single person in the crowd looked happy or healthy or ready for work. Everyone’s faces and body language was covered in expressions of dread and carefully masked anger. 

A crowd of hundreds that was about to be separated into different parts of God knows where exactly, where they would spend their entire lives working from dusk ‘till dawn as a punishment for the crime of simply being born Baltic. 

She tried to memorize as many faces as possible, the same way as she did with the deceased passengers that she saw being tossed on the side of the railway track. 

Chances were high that many wouldn’t survive what was about to happen to them. Winter wasn’t officially here, yet Siberia already felt uninhabitable. 

They were simply not made nor equipped for such extreme conditions, even if food and shelter were provided, which Rey highly doubted. 

She looked at the familiar features that she saw in the people from her country. The cold yet for some reason warm faces that somehow all the Balts possessed. She said her quiet goodbyes to all of them, wishing them to survive for as long as possible, for their spirits to not break. A quiet cry for the people of her country. 

“EVERYBODY LISTEN UP!” S creamed a tall man on a black horse. His dark brown winter coat was covered in military symbols and various awards. His military hat hid his bald head, and the right side of his face had a nasty dip in it. “I am Major General Alexander Snoke and I would like to welcome all of you to Siberia. All of you have received criminal sentences together with a punishment fitting the crime – hard labour.” , the man in his mid-forties walked on his horse in front of the rows of people, screaming as loud as possible for everyone to hear. Rey doubted if than thirty people actually understood what he was saying. “All of you will be handpicked and separated into cities or villages where you will be assigned a living space and your job. Failure to work will result in receiving less food.”  

Rey’s mouth opened slightly; her ears couldn’t be deceiving her: they wouldn’t receive a salary for their work.  

The labour that they are about to endure will be done for the sole purpose of survival. 

Her body felt sluggish suddenly, but she still stood straight. Cassandra immediately noticed the look on her face and grabbed her gently by her arm: 

“What is it, Rey? What is he saying?” 

“We won’t get a salary for work. Just food. And if we don’t work, we won’t eat.” 

The older woman's mouth opened and her eyebrows furrowed, but no sound left her mouth. So, Rey continued listening to the soldier. 

“...If any of you run away or even attempt an escape, you will be tracked down and punished. And I can assure you that you and your family members who were left back home will pay the price for your crime. So, if you want to protect your loved ones, I would suggest staying where you were placed and working like everyone does for the good of The Working People’s Union. You were all given second chances to do better and serve the nation, it would be foolish to act against it as actions will be taken for misbehaviour.”  

Snoke was at the end of the row of people, right above Rey’s head. She dared to look at his cold blue eyes, her facial expression serious. 

The man looked back at her, studying her face for a brief moment before turning his horse around to walk back to the other end of the crowd. 

“Now, since that has been cleared, all of you will be hand-picked for labour. The military personnel will drive to your new homes. Work will begin from tomorrow.”  

Thirty men and two women of various age groups came out of the building and started walking towards the exiles. The other soldiers there were lined up next to the building and joined them in pairs. They all had small stacks of papers in their gloved hands. Rey guessed it was the sentence papers that were brought all the way to Siberia. 

“This is it now, the final moment. Whispered Kenobi from behind her. 

Rey inhaled the cold air through her nose and exhaled slowly exhaled it through her mouth. Cassandra was still gripping her arm. 

She had that scary feeling in her back, the one she felt right before being caught in that truck. Her hands were shaking, and the cold Siberian wind picked up, messing up the loose hair that was peeking out from her headscarf. 

“And who might these people be?” An unpleasant male voice reached Rey’s ears. She raised her eyes. 

A short and unpleasant-looking fat man stood in front of her row. His ugly face and small height reminded her of a grotesque-looking caricature of a pig, rather than an actual person. 

“Carriage nineteen, number twenty-four and twenty-three. Cassian Andor? Age twenty-eight? And your wife, Jyn Andor? Age twenty-six?” He looked up from his papers and into the faces of the people in question.  

The two spouses looked at each other with stern faces. “A young married couple is always a desirable choice for workers and you two look relatively healthy and strong. You two! Take your bags and walk towards that truck!” He pointed towards a truck that was parked next to others alike. 

The young couple picked up their bags and started walking. 

Rey was left exposed and at the very front of the row. The fat man was going through the stack of documents, looking for the best possible match. 

“Everything is going to be okay, dear.”, whispered Cassandra to Rey. She squeezed the hand that she was still holding, and gently unclasped it. 

“ Cassandra Bey, Poe Dameron and Caroline Bey. You tree are a family of a mother, son and grandmother?” Asked the ugly man. 

Rey turned to the three of them and translated what he said. 

“Yes.”, answered Cassandra. She learned that much on her journey.  

The ugly man with the papers inspected the three of them. His gaze darted from Caroline to Cassandra and then to Poe. 

Rey inhaled deeply, holding her breath. Her ears were ringing a bit. 

“The three of you will do. Follow that married couple to the truck.”  

Rey saw that Cassandra wanted to protest but Rey just quietly translated what he said and then added: “Do not worry about me, just do what he says. Kenobi and I will try to join you three.” 

Cassandra nodded and started picking up her things from the snow. Poe gave her a feverish look of concern. His cheeks were red and there was sweat on his forehead that was yet to freeze. 

He was about to say something to her, but Rey cut him off. “Go, Poe. Go with your mother and grandmother. I’m right behind you.” 

His eyes stayed on hers for a bit. A quiet goodbye just in case they never saw each other ever again. 

Rey tried not to think of that possibility. She just watched how the three of them started making their way to the truck. 

The wind blew a single tear from her cheek. The headscarf on her head became even looser, slipping down a bit from her head. 

“Number twenty-eight, Obi-Wan Kenobi? Your documents say that you are a carpenter?”  

“Yes, you could say that.”  

He looked at his file again, surprised that the old man was able to answer him. 

“It looks to me like you are all alone here. Is that correct?”  

“Actually sir, girl here,” he gently put his arm on Rey’s shoulder and came to stand next to her. “is my granddaughter.”  

Rey’s eyes widened for a brief second and then they calmed. 

The man in front of them just skimmed through the papers and looked at their files. 

Rey’s breathing picked up, she but pretended to look calm. Like everything that Obi Wan said was true and they were actually related through her father. 

“Carriage nineteen, number twenty-six. Renata Solana.”  

There it was, the moment where her name, the name that was given to her by her parents, was placed second. An irrelevant piece of information to the man in front of her. 

What mattered to him, was the random number that was given to her and if her deportation papers said that she might be useful. 

“Your papers say that you have no family, yet this is your grandfather?”  

“Yes. My parents are in fact deceased and Obi-Wan Kenobi is my father's father.” Answered Rey, urging her voice not to shake. 

He shuffled through papers one more time, reading every single file once again. 

At this very second, all she could do is hope that the lie was going to work. And if not, she couldn’t think of a form of punishment that would be taken if the lie were discovered. 

The ugly man looked again at Rey and then at Kenobi, looking for any similarities in their features. She hoped that his mind would conveniently create an illusion of a blood relation. 

“Kenobi, right? Number twenty-seven? It seems like your grandchild is already in Siberia. Some additional papers were later added to your file, claiming that you were supposed to be deported in 1941, but due to some clerical issues that order was never fulfilled.”, said the ugly man in a spewing manner. “So, it seems to me that you already were an uncharged criminal who managed to escape the punishment. And yet you stand here and lie to my face that this girl is your granddaughter.”  

Rey’s eyes widened but her mouth stayed shut. She wanted to say something. Press the lie even more, perhaps. But it was pretty clear that saying anything more could lead to even more trouble. Because it already looked like their little family game was up. 

Until Kenobi spoke again. 

“I didn’t avoid anyone, nor run away from my sentence. Like most people here, I received a knock on my door and my deportation papers were presented to me. And if that knock was late by seven years that is not my problem. Perhaps it’s the incompetence of the clerics or soldier or whoever that should be blamed for this error.” pressed Kenobi further. “And the girl is my granddaughter. She is the daughter of my son who died years back. And besides, same blood or not, I do not think these things should matter to you in the first place. We’re here to work.”  

Shock would be an understatement to what Rey just felt.  

Her head turned back to the fat man. She could see it in his skin reddening skin that his blood pressure was rising out of anger. His gloved hands were shaking with all the papers that he held in his arms. He looked like he was about to explode. 

It felt like the ground was slipping from Rey’s feet. Her body felt numb as she saw the man in front of her explode in blazing fury. 

“You scum, how dare talk down on me!” He walked closer to Rey and Obi-Wan. ”Do you honestly believe you’ll be placed in the same house as this girl after this? I’ll make sure to send you away somewhere far away, where the only food you’ll ever see is a bonny little rat, scavenging for scraps. As for this girl, I know exactly where to send you away. A nice little place where orphan girls like you serve their purpose.”, he suddenly leaned into Rey and grabbed her by her wrist “Captain Karov! Take this old man with you. He needs some serious disciplining. And this girl will serve you nicely!”  

Tears of panic escaped her eyes, as Rey tried to thrash out of his grip, but he squeezed her wrist until it became red. She was about to start screaming, but Kenobi quickly interjected. 

“Let her go!”  

In a sudden flash, Kenobi jumped onto the fat man and pushed the fat man away from Rey.  

He released his clasp from her wrist right before falling down on the snow and dropping all the documents. 

He grabbed her to his side, pushing her to stand behind him. Rey hid her face away from the man who fell on the snow. 

“What have you done.” Was all Rey could say in a weak tone. 

The headscarf on her head went loose and was about to fall down on her shoulders. The sudden looseness of the fabric felt like the situation she was in - as soon as she turned her head, the fabric would fall. And as soon as the man gets up and realizes what just happened, her life will slip down with it. It will shatter into a million pieces, like a glass vase. 

The man finally started to rise and pick up the papers from the snow. His movements were fast, uncalculated, and slightly erratic. Piece by piece he grabbed every paper off the snow and stacked it back into one pile. He wiped the snow off his coat and turned to the three of them. 

At this very moment, other soldiers came to look at the scene. Captain Karov was most likely one of them. 

He tugged the papers back under his armpit and all hell broke loose. 

“You dirty criminals. You have no idea what you’ve just done. I will get rid of you both. I will make sure you two suffer! Soldiers grab them!”  

Rey scrunched up her eyes and waited for the soldiers to grab her by her arms. 

She heard the snow crunching, as a few soldiers were coming towards. 

She couldn’t open her eyes. She couldn’t turn her head and look back at the ugly man and the soldiers who were about to get them. 

“Unkar Plutt!”  

The steps stopped as she heard a male voice. 

She wanted to open her eyes. She wanted to turn her back and see the person whose voice she just heard but Rey was too scared to see the owner of that voice. 

She inhaled and exhaled. 

Rey gathered all the courage and finally turned her forward. 

Her headscarf fell on her shoulders from the motion, exposing the loose hair that she hid underneath it. 

She opened her eyes. 

Not too far from her stood a tall man with broad shoulders and a long face that was covered in small moles and freckles. His thick black hair was longer than normal and it covered his ears. He had a long nose and full lips and a beard that seemed to be a few weeks old. 

His brown eyes met her green ones.  

The wind picked up and a few strands of her hair tickled her tear-stained face. 

All she could hear was her own heartbeat. 

Rey has never seen a more beautiful man in her entire life. 

The tall man closed his eyes for a brief second and rolled his jaw. He turned back to the short fat man. 

“Plutt, what is going on here? You are supposed to pick workers, not threaten them with something you don’t even have the power to do.”  

Plutt’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth to protest. 

“These criminals decided to lie to me about their family relations, which is a crime. They deserve to be punished!”  

The tall man looked at Kenobi and then at Rey. His serious gaze stopped on hers for a few seconds. 

“What is your name, old man?”  

Kenobi’s eyes widened a bit when he saw the taller man. 

“Obi Wan Kenobi, Sir.” He answered, but not immediately. 

“Kenobi, do you have a trait?”  

“Yes, Sir, I am a carpenter.”  

“I see.” He turned back to Plutt, who was half his height. “It seems to me that you’ve been turning down valuable workers, Plutt. So let me remind you what your job here is. You pick out the people who you think can get the job done. And knowing that most of your workers work in a wood factory, turning down a carpenter seems like a stupid choice.”  

“Solo, how dare you-!”  

“It is Captain Solo to you. You will take the older man and his granddaughter.” He added some pressure on the word. ”You will put them together under one roof and at the same workplace. Is that clear?”  

“You fucking-!”  

“I SAID, is that clear?”  

The rage that filled Plutt's face was scary. It made him look even more grotesque than he was before. 

Plutt didn’t answer anything to the Captain. He just walked away, his steps large and aggressive. 

Captain Solo turned back to Rey and Obi-Wan. His face was suddenly calm, like nothing happened. 

“You two can join the others on that truck.” He pointed his finger at the same truck where the Damerons went to. 

“Thank you, Captain.” Kenobi said. The Captain just nodded gently and looked one more time to Rey. 

She gently nodded at him and picked up her backpack. 

The two of them walked side by side to the truck. 

They both walked in comfortable silence.  

Rey’s head was filled with so many thoughts that distracted her from the fact that Kenobi stopped walking a few seconds ago. 

He looked back at the captain who was talking to exiles. 

“Look how tall you’ve grown.” That was all she heard.  

- 

In the open back truck, she hugged Cassandra. The woman gave her the most bone-crushing embrace. 

Rey hugged her back and small tears began to fall on her cheeks. 

An hour into their truck journey, Rey noticed that was heart was still beating too fast. 

She didn’t if it was because of the stress or because of the fear. 

Or if it was caused by something else. 

Or someone else. 

Chapter Text

The Commission  

November 25th, 1948  

An Unknown Village,  

Siberia  

“Ugh, you wouldn’t believe how loudly he snores, Rey. He sounds like a damn tractor!” 

“He’s not that loud. He sleeps not too far from me, remember.” 

“Yes, but that’s because he doesn’t snore directly into your ear!” 

Rey laughs at Poe before he quickly elaborates. 

“Let’s take tonight as an example. I was having this beautiful dream. I was a literature student in a university.” 

“A literature student?” 

“Yes! I was a proper student, Rey. I had a small leather bag and my books and notebooks and everything.” 

“And?” 

“And? And, I dreamt that I was running through this long corridor because I was late for class.” 

“That’s it?” 

“No! You’re not getting the point. It wasn’t the setting I was in that made this dream fantastic. It was the excitement! I was so happy to finally be a student! I was flushed and a bit sweaty but so damn excited!” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah!” 

She pushed, he pulled. 

He pushed, she pulled. 

Not just with words and the constant teasing, but with a literal blade that they were both gripping. 

Wood splinters were falling down on the snow, her hair was slipping out from underneath her headscarf which surprisingly started to make her head feel itchy. 

Her cheeks were warm, and her feet were cold. A constant state that she found herself in when working in the forests of Siberia. 

“So, what happened in that dream?” Asked Rey. 

“As soon as I got to the auditorium, I saw all my fellow classmates and my lecturer. There was even an empty seat that was left just for me.” 

“Yeah?”, She teased a bit, and he got a little more annoyed. 

“Yes! And so, as soon as I start walking towards it, I get awoken by this powerful snoring sound. And poof! The dream was gone just like that.” 

He briefly released the handle of the blade to do an exploding bubble motion and then gripped it back to not break the flow of the cut. 

A wet chuckle escaped Rey’s face and she broke out into quiet laughter. As soon as the moisture left her mouth, she felt it start freezing. 

The white forest was filled with thickly dressed people in dark clothes. Just from standing in one place, Rey could see around twenty people around her and the only thing that made each person stand out, was their hats and boots. 

When they first arrived at their village, every exile was given the same ugly dark coat that was stitched up in vertical stripes. They wore it on top of their winter clothes. Rey couldn’t really tell what material it was made from, but it did a fantastic job in keeping her body warm. 

Everyone was dressed the same and every person around her was repeating the same cutting motion. 

One person would push forward the blade and the other would pull it towards themselves. Reversing the roles after each finished move. 

Push and pull. 

Push and pull. 

They really meant it when they said they were going to Siberia to do hard labour. 

The repetitive motion would be repeated hundreds of times per day until the very end of the workday, leaving Rey’s back and arm muscles incredibly sore by the time she reached the bed to sleep off the pain. 

Her clothes would be covered in bits of wood that would even get into her boots and on top of her headscarf. 

The pain and discomfort from work was not an easy thing to handle and it was almost impossible to sleep off before having to wake up again and repeat the same day all over again. 

But what was even harder for Rey to come to terms with, was the fact that it hasn’t even been a week since they started working and it already felt like an eternity spent in freezing hell. 

And it was still only November, meaning that everyone still had to wait for at least four more months to see any signs of spring. 

Four more months of daily repetitive and physically difficult work. 

Rey tried not to think about it and shifted her focus to something else. 

Sometimes, when she really her mind got really bored by staring at the same tree that she and Poe were cutting, she would catch some glimpses from the locals, as they worked in the forest together with the exiles.  

They looked much different from her people and Rey figured that they were the native people of the land.  

Most of them had jet-black hair, dark eyes, pale skin and soft features. 

And they seemed way better adapted to the cold temperatures and harsh weather than any exile in the village. Some of them wore fur hats and gloves from a material that she was not familiar with. Their shoes also looked much sturdier and better adapted to the climate in comparison to the winter shoes that most exiles had. 

And Rey could also tell that they did not like having them here. She didn’t blame them for it. 

If she and her village were informed that a bunch of criminals would be moved in next door to them, she would also give them cold looks, at the very least. 

Rey was just glad that no one was malicious towards any of them. 

She exhaled and scratched her head which was unusually itchy. 

“I didn’t know you wanted to be a literature student.” 

“When I was younger, I did. I used to really love reading but later, as I got a bit older, I started enjoying doing manual work at the farm with my father. And now... I only dream of finally sleeping through the night and for that torturous sound of snoring to finally end.” 

Rey smiled, pulling the blade towards herself, as Poe added. 

“In any case, seems like being a literature student is miles better than what we’re here to do. Cutting down fucking trees all day and listening to snoring sounds.” 

She chuckled and sheepishly turned her gaze to Poe, peeking through the tree that they were slowly cutting down. 

“You can complain all you want about Kenobi; his snoring is rather loud. But you can’t ignore the fact that thanks to him we don’t sleep on the cold floor.” 

When they arrived at their house, they were greeted by a rather empty space.  

They were placed in a small square wooden house, that from the outside looked like it was recently abandoned. 

There was a fireplace and a small stove on top. Some pots and pans were left behind, together with some other trinkets. There was barely any furniture inside and there were no beds for anyone to sleep on.  

It was pretty obvious that someone once lived in this house, but once previous occupiers were gone, so was the main furniture. 

It made Rey wonder what exactly happened to the people who lived in that house before. 

Everyone in the house came together and shared all the items that they brought with them to Siberia. And it was soon made apparent that they didn’t have much. 

Besides clothes and personal items that everyone had, a young family of four had some pots and pans, the Damerons had bedsheets and blankets and the young married couple brought a small wheat grinder. 

Kenobi had almost nothing on him, besides a pair of bedsheets and some clothes. 

And Rey had almost nothing on her. 

They all slept the first night on the cold floor, wrapped in blankets and as close to the fireplace as possible. Rey felt like she was back in that cold animal carriage once again, but at least this time there was actual heat source. 

The following morning, their house was awoken at around 6 am by Unkar Plutt, who was banging at their door, urging them to get dressed and start heading to the forest for work. 

Everyone slowly started rising, completely sore and Kenobi expressed to everyone that there was no way in hell that they will be sleeping on the floor. 

So, the very same morning Obi-Wan Kenobi, a carpenter in his sixties, went to Captain Solo directly and asked for his permission to use some of the wood beams and planks from the wood factory to make some beds for everyone. 

Rey didn’t even know if someone from the military could even grant such a request, but once again Kenobi proved that he had much more knowledge of the system than any of them. 

The captain agreed whilst Plutt tried to protest against it, claiming that the beams were marked for some other use. 

Plutt and the captain argued and argued. 

It was a tiny bit entertaining to see a tiny man throwing a tantrum at a man who was just as tall as the trees that surrounded them. Plutt looked like a small fat bore squealing at a tree, thinking that it would budge if he yelled loud enough. 

In the end, Plutt lost, and a brand-new bed was made the very same day and was given to the young family with two children who were six and eleven 

Three more beds came after that. 

The married couple Jyn and Cassian shared bed number two, bed number three was given to Cassandra, Caroline and Rey to share and bed number four was shared by Poe and Kenobi. 

It was not a convenient sleeping arrangement, but the fact was that it was not possible to fit any more beds. The house proved to be quite small. 

They all stuffed the bed sheets that they brought with some leftover hay that they found in what looked like an abandoned farm shed and they used the blankets from home to cover themselves at night. 

Overall, Kenobi’s handiness saved everyone so much trouble and Rey was once again incredibly grateful for his presence. 

“Yeah, well, I would appreciate those beds a little more if I was able to get some actual sleep on them.” 

“Remember, I sleep not too far from him, Poe, I can hear the snoring. And actually, he’s not the only one who snores.” 

“Ou, yeah? Who else snores?” 

“You, of course!” She laughs in his face and Poe’s cheeks turn even redder than it was from the cold. 

He huffs out some cold air as his face starts pouting because of the accusation. 

“I might snore a bit, but at least I don’t such stinky socks. How on earth is that even possible.” 

“Now you’re just being mean.” 

“Perhaps, but this conversation is miles better than talking about the terrible weather or the work.” 

“Couldn’t agree more.” 

They move the blade back and forward, cutting the tree in front of them. They push it back and forward, until they both feet the blade chip for the fourth time that day. 

They stopped immediately, releasing the handles of the blade, leaving it to dangle in the middle of the cut. Poe curses under his mouth. 

Rey steps a few steps behind and wipes her gloved hand over her forehead. 

“At this rate, we won’t be able to get any actual work done. The blade just keeps chipping. Plutt could at least give us a replacement instead of forcing us to work with faulty shit.” 

She didn’t say anything to him.  

Instead, she chose this moment to look around the forest. 

There were exiles and local people all around them. They were cutting down trees, filing them into lumber logs and turning some of them into firewood. 

Each person was given a different task by Unkar Plutt, and no one had the right to switch jobs without his permission. 

But in the depths of a Siberian forest, Rey was not looking for the faces of her fellow exiles or the locals with she was yet to interact with. 

She was looking for someone else.  

Her green eyes scanned all over the forest looking for him. 

The captain. 

Ever since the work began, every day Captain Solo would make his way to the forest with a small paper list in his hands to check for all the exiles. 

He would walk around the forest and the wood factory, searching for every exile that was brought here and making sure that he was able to find every person on the list. 

Rey assumed he was doing this to make sure that no one had gone missing or tried to escape. 

In about a week, Rey gathered that Plutt’s job was to assign everyone their jobs and make sure that the daily norms of work were met.  

And the captain's job was to make sure that all the exiles were still here to do their jobs. 

So, for the past week, Rey’s attention to work would rapidly halt as soon as the sun was high in the sky, as that was the time when the captain took his time for the daily count of people. 

In the long and cold day of hard and repetitive labour, getting a small glimpse of the captain was the highlight of her day. 

Rey waited every day just to see his tall silhouette in the white of the forest. His black hair contrasted so well with the light colours around him. 

Under normal circumstances, she would paint this moment on a canvas. 

But Rey had no real art supplies on her. 

Just a pencil that wasn’t sharpened in ages and some paper that was damaged on the trip. 

But her photographic memory saved those moments so well in her memory. 

And she would replay them sometimes in her bored brain. 

So, by day three she waited eagerly for mid-day to come just to steal a secret glance at the captain.  

And by day four, Rey noticed that his eyes searched for hers just as much. 

The captain looked for every exile on his duty, but there was something different when it came to Rey. Something that she could not explain. 

Maybe his soft gaze was always reserved just for her. Or maybe it was the light pout on his lips whenever he saw her face. 

There was something there. Something that she couldn’t understand. 

Something that scared her a bit. 

The captain was one of them and she knew that trusting him was never an option. 

So, she kept her curiosity and that unexplainable pull towards him all to herself, as it became something private and something that she would never explore or tell anyone about. 

Something that started to take place in her bleeding heart. 

Her eyes scanned the forest. 

She didn’t see the captain. 

Instead, Rey saw an unfamiliar face. 

A soldier that was screaming her name. 

“Solana! Renata Solana!  

“Here!”  

“The captain wants to see you in his office.”  

Her brain stuttered a bit. In a quiet voice, she asked for some clarification. 

“What for?”  

“He has a job for you.”  

She felt her nerves kick in. 

Rey did not expect this. 

“A job? What kind of job?”  

“He didn’t specify. Head back to the village and go to the yellow brick building. His office is on the second floor, first door to the left.”  

She nodded and the soldier went to other exiles. 

“What did he say?” Poe’s face was filled with worry. 

Rey didn’t answer Poe immediately. 

Her mind got suddenly filled with too many scenarios. 

Too many scary possibilities. 

All she could do was close her eyes for a second and force herself to calm down. Panic has never helped her. 

Rey waited a few seconds for her mind to settle before finally turning to Poe and in the calmest possible voice she said: 

“He said... that your feet smell, Dameron.” 

If this was the last thing she would tell him, Rey would be more than happy to go knowing that she made Poe blush out of embarrassment one last time. 

His eyes widened in surprise; his cheeks flushed once again. 

“Liar!” He spat out. 

Cassandra, who was working not too far from them, put down her axe and came to Rey and Poe. 

“What happened, Rey?” 

“It appears that the captain wants to see me in his office. He has a job for me.” 

Cassandra’s eyes widened. She knew as well as Rey what exactly such a request could actually mean. 

An implication that the job that the captain had for her could something completely different from hard labour. 

Something that she would resist like an animal in danger, even if it meant killing. 

“I don’t think I can say no to this. I’m sure they would just drag me there if I said no.” She pulled out her father's foldable knife from the pocket of her pants and showed it to Cassandra. “I’ll be okay. I can defend myself.” 

Cassandra looked at the knife in her palm. The worry in her face intensified even more. 

Rey could see that the woman felt guilty about not being able to prevent this. 

“Rey, please be safe. The captain doesn't look like a bad man but there’s always a chance that we’re wrong.” 

She nodded and hugged Cassandra in a crushing hug and the woman hugged her back with equal affection. 

The fresh snow cracked underneath her feet as she made her way back to the village. 

Her hand slid into the pocket of her pants, where her father's knife was. 

- 

It was roughly a 20-minute walk from the forest back to the village. 

Rey’s boots were completely covered in snow by the time she got inside the brick building. 

Her steps were incredibly quiet, as she climbed her way up to the second floor where the captain's office was. 

As she made her way up, she began to hear some voices that were coming from the room that she supposed to go to. 

Rey stopped quietly right next to the door and listened to the two male voices. 

“Look, I’m not sure why you asked me to come here, Solo. I don’t think I have the information you seek, so you might as well conduct your little interview with someone else.”  

“On the contrary, I believe you have the information I seek. I need to know why the collective farm performed so poorly this harvest season.”  

“So, why not talk to Phasma or Plutt?”  

“I have. Plutt explained to me that the harvest this year was poor because the summer was too hot, and it dried out the wheat field. Phasma didn’t add anything new to it.” She heard a quiet noise that sounded like an exhale. The smell of cigarettes reached her nose. “I suspect that there is more to that story. And seeing as you oversaw this village last year, I was hoping you would provide me with some information.”  

“And why would I do that? Your sudden appearance was the reason why I got transferred to another village.”  

“I am sorry about that, Hux. But we both know that my transfer here was not a choice that I made.”  

So Hux is his name, she thought. 

“Like I care about that. Even if you weren’t the one who made the decision to take my place here, it doesn’t change the fact they sent me away because of you. So, you’ll have to try a little harder in convincing me why I should help you.”  

“Think about the villagers who live here.”  

“What about them?”  

“Don’t you want to help them?”  

“No, not particularly. I don’t really care about them anymore.”  

“Is that so? Because the villagers told me that you were always good to them and that you never mistreated anyone.”  

“Hah, and who told you that nonsense?”  

“Rose Tico.”  

The name of that woman must have meant something to that man because as soon as he heard Rose Tico, the man changed his tone completely. 

A sudden shift in character. 

“Plutt was right about that, the harvest was poor due to weather. But that was not the only reason. The collective farm has only one working tractor and two more vehicles that are primarily used to transfer the harvest and other goods. Not enough for a farmland as big as ours.” Rey the man exhales smoke, before continuing. “Did you know that Phasma arranged papers to ask for the Capital for new agricultural vehicles?”  

“Yes, I’ve heard of that.”  

“And have you heard that for that letter to be sent to the Capital, Phasma, being the head of the collective farm, had to gather every brigade leader's signature and Plutt was the only one who didn’t sign it?”  

The captain didn’t answer anything, so the other man continued. 

“Unkar Plutt, the little pig in a form of a man as he is, didn’t sign the papers for the new vehicles and instead he wrote a letter to the Capital asking for more workers. And somehow, Phasma signed it. Now, I have no idea how he pulled that one off as Phasma is the only one who can make such requests from the Capital.”  

There was a brief silence before a deep voice answered. 

“No, I was not aware of that. I know that Plutt asked for more workers to be brought here, but I was not aware how that happened, nor about him not signing a letter asking for new vehicles.”  

“Well, Solo, I would urge you to think about what Plutt might have to gain by not putting his signature on that paper and making the next year's harvest suffer. Because it seems to me that all the steps that he took were done intentionally.”  

“Thank you, Hux, you’ve helped me a lot today.”  

“I would urge you to conduct your research a little faster. This village might survive this winter without anyone dying from starvation, but I wouldn’t be so sure about the next one. After all, poor harvest affects everyone. But mostly, the exiles.”  

Her head was spinning from all the information that she managed to hear. 

Poor harvest. No farming vehicles. More workers.  

Rey didn’t have the time to think this over properly as she quickly realized that the conversation was about to end. 

And if she got caught eavesdropping, she could get into a lot of trouble. 

Rey quietly exhaled the air out of her lungs and gently knocked on the door. 

“Enter!” The word came almost as soon as her knuckles hit the door. 

Rey enters the room and immediately gets hit by unexpected heat. 

The room had a strong smell of cigarettes and was warmed up so much that anyone inside could sit in a plain blouse without the risk of catching a cold. 

And that was exactly what the captain looked like. 

He was sitting behind a massive wooden desk, wearing a long-sleeved white cotton shirt that buttoned up the top. It was slightly loose, and it hung loosely on his broad shoulders. 

His hair seemed a little bit messier than normal. Not as well brushed and taken care of as most days. 

Captain Solo seemed a little tired. Like he was finally home after a long workday, ready to rest but unable to sleep. 

“Oh, look at that, little exile knocking at your door. Must be something serious.”  

The man that sat on the opposite side of the captain's table was a tall ginger who looked like he was in his late twenties.  

With a cigarette between his lips, the ginger wore the same brown military winter coat as most soldiers did. His, however, was unbuttoned and looked a little untailored. Like he borrowed it from someone who was much larger than him. 

Hux suddenly extinguished the cigarette into the glass ashtray, got off the chair and stretched out his arm, offering Rey to sit instead. 

“Please, sit. You must be tired from all that dreadful forest work.”  

She found the gesture too theatrical and a little mocking. 

But Rey took a seat anyway and the ginger gave her a small smile. 

Rey gave him a serious expression. 

His eyebrow arched. 

“Anyways, I shall go, Solo. Do think about what I said.”  

The captain nodded as the ginger gave him a salute before leaving the room. 

Rey followed Hux out with eyes and as soon as the door closed, she turned her head back forward. 

Her eyes met with the captains. 

He was already studying her before Rey even realised it. 

For a brief moment, they just looked at each other in complete silence. 

She heard the wind picking up outside his window, she heard fire crackling in the small fireplace in his office, and she heard children outside yelling something that did not understand. 

But all of those sounds were completely drowned out, as the only thing that she could really hear was the breathing of two people that were sitting in front of each other, but yet separated by a massive desk in between of them. 

The two people who seemed like they couldn’t look anywhere but each other's eyes. 

The captain and the exile. 

But their eye contact was quickly broken as the captain stood and walked towards a filing cabinet that stood by the wall, underneath a map that was hung on the wall. 

Her heart was beating out of her chest. 

He is still a soldier, still one of them, she kept repeating to herself like a prayer. 

Being vulnerable at this moment was not acceptable. And she still felt exposed after that time when he saw her with her hair down. 

But the captain just lifted a single piece of paper from the top of the cabinet and sat down in his chair. 

He looked at the paper and then at her. His expression was calm and a tiny bit soft. 

“Do you understand me?”  

She didn’t answer him. Instead, Rey nodded. Barely. 

This was the first time he had ever spoken to her. 

“Can you tell me your name?”  

She hated hearing that question. 

Sitting in a soldier's office, being asked what her name is felt like she thrown right back into that day when she got exiled. 

“I’m sure the papers say it.”  

“I would like to hear it from you.”  

The sudden change in temperatures started to feel too unbearable. Her cold skin began to suddenly defrost and warm up, making her thighs and arms feel itchy and irritated. 

Instead of telling the captain her name, Rey stood up began to unbutton that ugly coat. She hung it on the chair that she was sitting on and untied the knot underneath her chin that held her headscarf in place. 

She had two braids wrapped around her head like a crown. The hairdo was much looser by now from all the work.  

All the small hairs that managed to escape her braids fell out. Some were on her forehead and her cheeks were barely there anymore. 

But Rey didn’t care about her messy hair. 

She just sat down on the chair and looked at the captain, her expression serious and not very telling. 

There was a brief silence that settled between them.  

Rey didn’t want to offer her name to him, as it was already placed in the palm of his hand. 

In this situation, the choice to reveal her name was never hers to make anyways. And it became one of those things that were taken away from her. 

So instead, what she wanted was for the captain to earn his right to her name. 

She wanted him to prove himself to her.  

To be worthy of hearing her name coming from her own mouth. 

So, she stayed silent. 

And it looked like the captain understood that she wouldn’t be answering his question, so he shifted the conversation to another direction. 

“Do you feel warmer now?”  

Rey gave him a tiny nod. 

“Good. I’m glad. The temperature outside is much lower today, I had to put in a lot more a lot more firewood into the fire.”  

She looked at the small fireplace in his office. The wood was slowly burning away and cracking inside the flames.  

He was right about the temperature outside; it was lower than the previous days. 

Which made her wonder if that was one of the reasons why he called for her today of all days. 

“Would you like some hot tea or something to ea-”  

“Why am I here?” Rey cut him off. 

He bit the inside of his cheek and asked another question, instead of answering hers. 

“Kenobi isn’t your grandfather?”  

She stayed silent.  

Rey wasn’t sure if she could tell him the truth, even if he did defend her that day when labourers were being picked. 

Would he send her away somewhere else if he got the confirmation that they did, in fact, tell a lie. 

“Is it relevant?”  

“I am simply asking for some clarification. Your papers say that you are an orphan, so it makes me curious if the carpenter is in fact your blood or not.”  

“And if I say that he is not, will you send me away?”  

“Why would I do that?” He asked with a surprised expression. 

“Was it not families that were desired as labourers when picking was being done?”  

“Not necessarily. Everyone was going to be placed somewhere. The whole idea of a family unit being more desirable than a single worker is false.”  

“It didn’t seem false when Plutt was doing the picking. Before you came, he was saying that he’d send me away to a place where orphan girls like me serve their purpose.”  

A flash of anger appeared on his face. 

It made her heart jump a bit. 

Her palm immediately went to her thigh, where the knife was pocketed. 

But Rey had a feeling that the sudden shift in his mood wasn’t caused by what she just said. 

But rather by what was said to her. 

“Plutt has no such ability. No one in this village has the power to send someone away, besides me. And I can assure you that I have no such intentions towards anyone in this village.”  

His eyes landed on hers again. His brown eyes met her hazel ones.  

She still wore a rather serious expression on her face. 

Giving away any emotion would not benefit her in any way. 

Even if this interaction was proving to cause her so many emotions. 

“So, you’re the one with the power to send people away, is that correct?”  

“Yes, but that would be me just abusing my power if there were no situation that would require such action.”  

“I see.” 

“So, can you answer my question? I can give you my word that no harm will come no matter your answer is.”  

Her face relaxed a bit. 

He was being very diplomatic. Especially for someone who held her life in his palm. 

But it did not matter how kindly he spoke to her, or how nice he was compared to other soldiers that she encountered. The fact of the matter was that she could not allow herself to trust him. 

She had to poison her brain with even more fear and paranoia in order to protect herself. 

And because of that, the kindness that he displayed felt more like a trap, rather than a helping hand. 

Like those beautiful raspberries in that truck. 

She closed her eyes and stroked the outline of the knife in her pants pocket. 

“I do not trust your word.”  

A strand of hair fell on his forehead and ran his hand through his thick black hair. 

“And why is that?”   

She got angry but chose to keep it to herself as much as possible. 

“Nothing good has ever come my way from... from trusting anyone who wears that uniform that you wear. And by answering that question, I can see myself being hurt once again. You... You have no idea of the things I saw in the past month or the past decade. And all because... Because I kept encountering men in the same uniform that you wear.”  

Rey wanted to say so much more to him. 

She wanted to tell him about finding the bodies of her parents. She wanted to tell him about the cruel people who took her when she became an orphan. She wanted to tell him about all the dead exiles that still lay on the side of the railway track. 

But she didn’t. 

She just kept that anger inside. 

A new branch grew inside her bleeding heart. It squeezed it a tiny bit, causing her pain in her chest. 

But the captain remained silent.  

There was a hint of sadness in his face. 

Why? she asked herself.  

The captain just turned his head towards the window and stayed like that for a few moments. Not even moving an inch. 

Finally, his Adam's apple bobbed before finally saying something. 

“I understand.”  

That was all that he said. 

And it surprised her a little too much. 

“Is that why I was called here?”  

“No, not at all. I have a job for you.”  

“A job?”  

“Yes.”  

Her hand went into the pocket and slowly clasped around the knife. 

“What kind of a job, if I may ask?”  

“Your papers say that you were taught in fine arts?”  

“Yes. By my father, primarily.”  

“Good.”  

He stood up from his chair and she flinched a bit thinking that he was going to approach her. 

Instead, he went to the same cabinet as before and pulled out some large papers that were wrapped in a scroll. 

He went back to his desk and gently began removing some things from his desk, in an effort to make some space. 

Rey slowly stood from the chair to get a better look at what’s on them. 

She wasn’t sure what she expected to see on them, but what was on them was an unexpected surprise, as her widening eyes clearly gave that away to the captain. 

It was a map. 

Did he just show me where I am?  

“In September, some additional lands for farming were added to the collective farm. So, the Capital sent some people to remeasure the new plot of land and draw out the new survey.”  

Rey nodded silently; her eye were glued to the papers in front of her. 

No, a survey, not a map, she thought 

“Anyways, I was sent eleven copies. One is for Phasma, one is for Plutt, and one was for me and the other eight were meant to be handed into the brigade leaders of the other four surrounding villages and the military heads of that village.”  

There are four more villages nearby? She briefly questioned herself. 

“So, what does this have to do with me?”  

The captain pulled out one copy right from the bottom of the pile and placed it on top of the others. 

“As you can see, this copy is ruined. I, unfortunately, knocked down a cup of tea and it spilt all over it.”  

She looked at the ruined copy. 

The whole sheet of paper was evenly crumpled and discoloured. The ink from the drawing had bled out. 

It didn’t look like it was ruined by accident.  

It looked like someone poured something right on top of it from above. 

Like it was intentionally ruined. 

“This copy was supposed to be mine and I have to hand in the other copies in several weeks.”  

“You want me to draw a copy of the map?”  

“Correct.”  

“I... This is a very specific job, and it would require some art supplies and paper. Even then, I honestly don’t know if I could make a decent copy.”  

The captain didn’t immediately say anything, instead, he walked to his desk, opened a drawer and started pulling out beautifully carved wooden boxes. 

He opened one of the boxes and inside there was a variety of pencils and pens. 

Rey’s eyes widened in surprise. 

The last time she had such nice art supplies, was before the war. 

Almost a decade ago. 

“Where did you-?”  

“Would these be okay for you to do the job?”, asked the captain. Gently. 

“I, uh... Yes, I think so. I would still need the paper.”  

He lifted his hand and pointed at a scroll of rolled up paper that sitting on top of another smaller cabinet. 

“The paper is there. There are around fifteen sheets, so you don’t have to worry about ruining anything.”  

She looked back at the captain. 

He was so much taller than her. And much broader than any man she’s ever seen. 

The captain's lips spread into a thin line; his gaze was tense, yet gentle. 

“Could you, do it?”  

“I... What about the forest?”  

“What about it?”  

“We were told that we would get paid with food based on how much work we do in the forest. If I’m not working there and working here, on the copy, how will I prove my work?”  

“Every Saturday evening, Plutt hands in the numbers that were done by the brigade for the week. On Sunday you get your food for the week. This time, I will hand in a note to Phasma, that proves your work here. Plutt isn’t the only one who can give work and have people be paid for it. And...”  

“And?”  

“I will pay you with food and money as well.”  

She released the knife in her pocket and pulled out her hand. 

“What?”  

“Every time you come here to work on the copy, there shall always be food present. And also, tea. Or coffee but that’s a bit harder to get.”  

“I’ve never tried coffee in my life.”  

He gave her a small smile. 

“More the reason to try it, then. Now, for as long you work here, you will be fed, and your work here will be added to Phasma’s work logs. And by the end of the two weeks, when you finish the map, I shall also pay you with money. I suppose you could see it as an art commission. So, will you accept this job?”  

She looked at the captain. 

Her mouth slightly parted, and then she looked at the survey again. 

For the most part, it looked like very delicate and very precise drawings that were drawn with a thin ended pen. 

It didn’t look like a complicated job. She figured she could do it, if she did the drawing slowly and delicately. 

Rey wanted to accept this. More than anything.  

But a generous deal like such does not simply land likes her. Not at least with some undisclosed conditions. 

She has learned that random generosity can sometimes be used as a disguise for a much darker intention. 

Her hand slid back into the pocket of her pants and gripped the handle of her father's knife. 

“How can I know that this is all you want from me? To just make a copy of this map?”  

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“What do you mean?”  

“I mean...” She inhaled deeply and quietly exhaled the heavy air in her chest. “I mean, how do you know that you won’t do anything to me whilst I’m here, or in general?”  

“In what regards?”  

“You are a man.”  

His mouth parted. 

And then it closed. 

He closed his eyes and exhaled before saying something. 

“I understand that my word has no real value to you, but I have no ill insertions towards you. Perhaps, I cannot prove that with words, but I can at least do that with actions.”  

He walked across his office towards a massive wardrobe on his left. 

The captain opened the door and started pulling out winter clothes and putting them on. 

“If it is my company that you fear, then I shall leave my office and allow you to work in peace.”  

He put on a dark brown turtleneck and a dark brown sweater on top. 

“I understand that trusting me is not easy, but perhaps I could at least take away the fear that you might be hurt by me by removing myself from my office.”  

He put on his military winter coat. 

“Every time when you come here to work, I will leave my office to you. And if you want, you can even lock yourself in, if that will make you feel safer.”  

He finally put on a military hat. 

“I don’t want to frighten you.”  

Rey didn’t know what to say to that. She just followed his every movement in complete silence. 

But as he was about leave his office, the captain stopped right by the door. 

He turned his face to her and what he said to her was not at all what she ever thought she would hear from a man who held power in his hands. 

“I’m really sorry.”  

The door closed. 

She stared at the door for a few more minutes. 

His sudden exit was not at all what she expected. But a part of her was glad that he left. 

Her right hand ran through her chest and stopped at her heart. She urged her heart to stop beating so fast. 

He’s gone, now. It’s okay. She told herself. 

She glanced at the survey that he placed on his table. 

There were in fact five villages marked on paper. In almost half a circle, they wrapped around the farming field. 

She saw what looked like a massive warehouse marked on paper and trees that surrounded them. 

That’s probably where they keep the season's harvest, she thought. 

She inspected the survey even more and noticed that there is a river marked on it. 

It didn’t like it was wide, but it did curve in a very bizarre way. 

She looked at it for a while. 

And then it hit her. 

Rey grabbed the survey and took it to the map that hung on the captain's wall. She placed it on top of the cabinet and began scanning both sheets of paper. 

Rey looked at the map and then at the survey. 

She scanned every river that she could find. But the map was filled with them. 

So many of them were coming out from a single lake. A lake with a name she could not read. 

There are just too many.  

She looked and looked for hours. 

Until she found the same exact curve or a river. 

He did show me where I am.  

- 

It was rather late when she came back home, besides the small children, no one was asleep. 

Everyone inside her house just waited for her eventual return. And she saw them all jolt when she finally came back home through the door. 

The first face that greeted her was Cassandra’s, as the woman immediately jumped to hug and inspect her. 

“Did he do anything to you, child?” 

Rey shook her head. 

“He didn’t touch me. Everything is fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” 

Cassandra gave her a happy smile, but Rey didn’t miss her glossy eyes. 

“What did he make you do?” 

“He asked me to make a copy of a survey.” 

“A survey?” Asked Kenobi. 

“Yes. The captain asked me to draw a copy of a survey that showed the surrounding villages around us and the farmland that bordered each village. I couldn’t read the text, but I was able to match the survey with the map on his wall, based on that curve of the river.” 

Kenobi looked happy and surprised at once. 

“Child, you’ve done great! We’ll be able to actually know where we are!” 

“Yes. There is a town around 12 kilometres south and it has a railway track going through it.” 

“Why did they have transferred with a ferry if the train could have stopped here?” Askes, Jyn. 

“Who knows. They have their weird ways of doing things.” Answered Cassian. 

The happiness on his face was completely washed away as Kenobi asked Rey in a calm voice. “You’re not thinking of-?” 

“No! I am not. I was just merely pointing out that they didn’t take us too far away from civilization. This is a good thing. I bet they have weekend markets or something. We could have a chance at buying things we’re in desperate need of!” 

Every person inside stayed silent. 

It was clear that her sudden optimism didn’t really translate to the people in the house. 

“There might be a chance, but I wouldn’t put too much hope into it. Even if the captain allowed us to leave the village temporarily, I don’t think Plutt would approve of it, as we have to work every day. Besides, 12 kilometres back and forth in such weather conditions is not possible to do. At least not without getting frostbitten.”  

“I agree with Kenobi. Let’s just continue working, okay? Tomorrow we’re getting food.” Said Cassian, a man in his take twenties that had black hair and dark brown eyes. 

“But we’ll need seeds and other things for spring. Even if they feed us just about enough, we should still try and acquire our own source of food!” 

“Renata!” Caroline raised her voice. “You stupid child-” 

“Mother!” Cassandra tried to cut her off, but Caroline continued anyway. 

“Just because the captain treated you nicely one time, doesn’t mean that we can do whatever we want. Remember what our goal is: survival until we get to go home. We are criminals to them, scum of the earth. We have no right to make any requests. If we do, there will be repercussions. You shouldn’t allow your youthful naiveness to blind your mind and get us into trouble. As we-” 

Caroline didn’t finish her sentence before her coughing began. 

Cassandra went to sit next to her mother and gently patted her on the back. 

Rey was shocked and insulted at the same time. She just stood there by the door, eyes wide and full of tears that were about to fall. 

Caroline coughed and coughed. Hard labour was truly killing her off slowly. 

For the very first time, Rey wondered how much longer she had to live. 

And Caroline was right. 

For the sake of survival, it would be best if they did nothing. 

Maybe behaving, staying quiet and just working was the right way to act in this situation. 

And maybe that was the fastest way for them to be relieved of their crimes and go home. 

No one added anything to the conversation. 

They just all changed their clothes and went to bed. 

And Rey couldn’t sleep that night. 

Instead, she just listened to Kenobi’s snoring and thought about the captain. 

- 

When Sunday came the next day, all she could hear was Poe naming various types of vegetables they would receive as payment. 

We worked really hard this week, he said, they will definitely pay us with kilograms of potatoes or some carrots or something. I’ll make a soup. God, I miss potato soup! And then the week after this one, they will give us beets. God, I miss beet soup!  

At first, she thought he was just being annoying but after a while, Rey started dreaming of making one of mother's soups. 

But what they got was not at all what Poe was dreaming about. 

As they finally reached their turn in the line, Phasma, a very tall woman with light blonde hair handed them their food for the upcoming week. 

Poe’s jaw opened and Rey’s eyes widened. 

For six days' worth of forest work, that was done from dusk till dawn, in freezing temperatures and deep snow, all the exiles were paid with exactly one kilogram of wheat. 

With the exception of Rey, who got four kilograms of wheat. 

Chapter Text

The Children And The Trade 

December 14th, 1948 

An Unknown Village, 

Siberia 

The small brown wooden clock, that sat on the captain's table, hit nine pm by the time she finished drawing the pencil outlines for the land survey. Last time her tired eyes glanced at the clock it was barely seven.  

Rey didn’t even notice how the two hours just flew by. 

She glanced at her father's mechanical wristwatch that sat on her thin wrist. It was vintage, according to her late father and based on how much it was worn off, Rey didn’t doubt it. 

The dial was made from silver, and it had a white dial with a compass built in between the numbers. Rey didn’t know what brand it was, as the name of the watch maker was completely rubbed off. 

The watch was passed down from his mother's father – a gift to his beloved grandson. A symbol of love that her father carried with him all the time, as Rey does now. Like her parent's wedding bands that she keeps close to her heart, her father's wristwatch was another reminder that she was once really loved. 

That same watch would have been passed down to her. And she would pass it down to someone she loved. 

She stroked the watch with her warm fingers. 

The metal band size was still the size of her father's wrist, as she never had the heart to have it resized. Instead, she had a thin leather string tied around the metal band, to keep the watch in place. 

It was quite impractical to have it always on her, as it didn’t show accurate time. Rey still did not have the heart to set it to Siberian time. Looking at it and seeing the hours of her home would bring back dear memories of the things that she used to do on those hours. It was a rather desperate way of detaching her mind from her physical body and throwing herself back to her home, where things were painfully familiar and not as scary as Siberia was. 

The watch was clearly designed for a man with a large wrist. So, whenever she would bend her left arm in the forest, she would feel it digging into her hand. 

Leaving it at home seemed like the best option, but Rey couldn’t bear the idea of not finding it one day. 

Kenobi said that the barrack where his son lived would get checked by soldiers on a regular basis. If the soldier found anything suspicious or food that was clearly stolen, they would be punished. 

And yet not a single house check was conducted in the several weeks that she’s been in Siberia. 

Rey figured that the lack of checks was the captain's doing. 

She exhaled a deep sigh and placed her left hand on her neck and began massaging her neck gently, in hopes that it would take the exhaustion away. She rolled her head in slow circles, pressing her weak fingers into her skin, her eyes never leaving the door that was in front of her. 

The door to the captain's office, in which she spent most of her evenings.  

Alone, just as he promised. 

For the past two weeks, Rey worked on the land survey all by herself in complete and utter silence. Besides those times when the wind outside got so loud that it knocked on the glass windows. 

She would spend a few hours out of her gruelling fourteen-hour workday with a pencil and a ruler in her shaky hands, as for almost twelve hours straight, her work tools were a chipped and rusty axe, or a two-man crosscut saw, with Poe usually working on the other side of it. 

The hard labour that she spent most of her days doing negatively affected her arms and hands. Her thin and frail work-worn hands shook from all the strain and the work that she had to endure and the only time when they did not hurt was when she slept. 

Her ability to draw was one of the many gifts that were given to her by her parents that no one was able to take away from her. Her father gave her the gift of drawing, and her mother gave her the gift of the English language. Both she carried with her every day and both of those gifts were permanently ingrained into her. 

But even then, they managed to break that gift by breaking her hands with hard labor. 

She spent her very first day of drawing crying in the captain's office.  

Her hands were shaking so much that she was unable to draw a single straight line on paper. The inability to have a steady hand devastated her beyond belief. 

But Rey knew that the shaking was not permanent and that it was only a matter of time until her body got used to it. She just had to calm her mind and tell herself that she was still in fact capable of using a pencil. 

The next day she came back to the captain's office at 7 pm sharp. This time, she was full of determination and full of will and today was the day when her hands would finally comply. She unpeeled all the layers of her winter clothes, hanging them on the captain's chair, and finally began her work. 

And her hands still shook.  

The bones in her hands were much more prominent now and there was much less fat on them. The blue veins were more visible than ever. The skin on her hands was harsh and unpleasant to the touch and the fat that once gave her hands a beautiful shape was gone. 

Her hands looked and felt destroyed.  

But she just kept telling and telling herself that it’s not permanent, that her hands will get better. She repeated that to herself a hundred times over and over again like one of those prayers that Caroline recited every day. 

And eventually, it worked. She was able to trick herself into calming down and focusing on the task that was in front of her. 

There was no more devastation or frustration left in her. Just determination that was accompanied by calmness.  

Rey finally began her work by meticulously measuring out the sizes of every single object that was indicated on the paper with a wooden ruler that she found in the wooden box that the captain gave to her. She measured the distances of the lines. 

Her hands shook every time the pencil touched the paper. But she quickly adapted her hands to the shaking, by knowing when it’s best to stop and when it's best to pick up the pencil again. 

In the two weeks that passed, Rey fully relearned how to use her hands again. 

And today was the day where she finally finished drawing the pencil outline of the land survey. 

She was proud of her work, despite having issues with her hands, she managed to do a very good job. The outline looked exactly like the original. Now all she had to do was go through every line with a black ink. 

She sighed, stopping her hands from massaging her neck further.  

Like a reflex, her hands wanted to snake up into her braided hair and scratch her itchy head, but she restrained from it.  

Rey knew exactly why her head was progressively getting itchier and itchier. She also knew that if she started scratching it, there wouldn’t be an end to it. At least not until she finds blood underneath her nails. 

She took her hands off her neck and instead focused on the door again. 

The door that she never once saw open. 

Throughout the two weeks, there were only two times when she saw the captain again. 

Instead of his daily routine of doing a head count around noon, the captain only came to the forest once a week. On the days of his absence, a soldier named Vicrul would come in his place instead, the same man who first called Rey to the captain's office. 

And every day her eyes searched for him, despite knowing that she’ll find a different soldier in his place. 

There wasn’t another time when the captain spoke to her or even looked directly into her eyes. He never called for her to do her work on the survey and never looked for her in the forest. 

Captain Solo very quickly became a very distant figure in her life by keeping his promise to leave her alone and not be in her presence. A promise to make her feel safe. 

At first, she did find comfort in being alone in his office, but that comfort slowly began to fade as it got replaced by a feeling of absence. And later an unexplored part of her that wished to see him more often grew inside of her.  

A part that wanted for him to walk through the door of his office and ask her how her work was going. 

But that never happened. 

She figured it was probably for the best. The fact was that she still didn’t trust him even if he gave her the distance that she asked for.  

Or that was what she told herself. 

He was one of them, and you will never trust one of them, she would say to herself every day. 

But there was doubt growing inside of her whenever she repeated those words to herself. 

The fact was that the captain never really did do anything for her to mistrust him. The commission, the food he leaves out, the extra 3 kilograms of wheat she gets, and him giving her the space she asked for were all the little ways he was helping her.  

But most importantly, the fact that Captain Solo never has never punished or belittled a single exile showed to her that maybe she might be wrong about him. Maybe he wasn’t her enemy. Or at least he had no intention of harming her or her people. 

There still was a part of her that thought that trusting him could be a symptom of youthful naivety, even when there wasn’t much of it left in her, given how her immediate reaction is to not trust anyone. 

Was there a possibility that she was wrong about the captain? That he actually wasn’t her enemy, but rather an ally that dressed in a uniform that she despised. 

She closed her eyes and sighed. 

The clock hit five minutes after nine. 

She got up from the captain’s chair, unfolding her bent legs from underneath her, and began putting on her winter clothes. The turtleneck always stayed on, no matter how warm the captain's office was. She even slept in it, hoping that it would keep her warm overnight, when the fire eventually gave out. 

Rey wore many layers on her body. She would put on her winter coat on top of her turtleneck, the one she had on her back when she arrived in Siberia. And on top of that coat, she would put on the work coat that Unkar Plutt gave to every exile. 

Rey wore so many layers just to keep her body at least a tiny bit warm, because by December of 1948, the temperatures began dropping to –55C. 

She remembered waking up one morning in early December and seeing that number sitting so low on the thermometer. 

Rey thought her eyes were deceiving her at first, but later she found out that –55C wasn’t even considered that low by the natives of the land. According to Kenobi, who recently befriended a local man, at the peak of winter coldness, the temperatures would sometimes drop to –75C, making the air outside almost unbreathable. 

Before Siberia, Rey didn’t even think that a winter so harsh could exist somewhere in the world. Such temperatures seemed possible only in fairytales and fantasies. But waking every morning and seeing that thermometer sitting at a lower number each day, turned that fairytale into a cruel reality, as the intense cold was something she was never able to get used to. 

She was just grateful that she never really fell ill and the pain in her chest seemed to be almost gone. 

Rey looked in the captain's small wall mirror, pocketed the fruits and biscuits that he always left for her, never eating any of them, and began her descent home. 

. 

A big yawn escaped her mouth, and the day's exhaustion was finally kicking as she made her way down the dark hallway, her boots hitting the steep concrete stairs. 

The lack of electricity in the entire village and the lack of streetlights always made her solo walk home a bit scary. There were some electrical poles that powered the only two concrete buildings in the entire village, but not a single wooden house had any electricity. 

The village itself wasn’t big. There were around twenty wooden houses with small plots of land that were surrounded by a fence. Out of the twenty houses, three of them were occupied by exiles.  

All of them had a very similar square shape with a few windows on one side. The houses themselves didn’t look very impressive to Rey, as they were of much simpler construction, compared to her parent's large brick house. But they were incredibly well insulated and really well adapted to the harsh winter of this land. Whoever built those houses knew exactly how to fight the intense cold and to keep the warmness from escaping outside. 

Rey tied Cassandra’s scarf around her neck walking down the first-floor corridor but as she was about to exit the brick building, she heard an unexpected voice coming from the outside. 

Rey stopped, listening intently. It wasn’t just one voice. It was two voices – a man and a woman. 

Accompanied by noises that sounded like kissing. 

Shit, I can’t just go out now or they’ll think I was here on purpose.  

She sneakily got closer to the exit door and listened, holding her breath. 

“We can’t keep this up, love. You know that if my father caught us, he would chase you around the village with a rifle.”  

“Why can’t I just go to him and declare my love and my wish to marry you? We’ve been together for over a year and that’s more than enough time to get married.”   

“Yes, but he won’t like you.”   

“But how can you know that? He liked me perfectly when I oversaw the village.”  

“Yes, but he wouldn’t like a soldier who fought in the war as a son-in-law. Paige once brought up the subject some years back and he immediately got angry, explaining that war brings out the beasts in men and sometimes that fury gets directed towards their wives. And he would rather us not risk it.”  

“But that’s absurd! I would never do that to you, Rosie!”  

“I know Armie, I know you wouldn’t, but my father is incredibly stubborn, and he won’t budge that easily. I’m afraid that even if we went to him together he would forbid me from ever seeing you again and I couldn't live with that!”  

“Neither could I.” More kissing sounds reached Rey’s ears. She pressed her lips together, as the man continued. “So, what do we do?”  

“I say we wait. I know that it’s not ideal, but maybe once I get a little older, I’m sure he will start budging about the marriage matter, as he’s not too keen about his youngest getting married off so soon. Besides, I’m not going anywhere. We can always meet, even if you live now in the neighboring village.”  

“You’re right, you’re right Rosie, we should wait.”  

Rey held her breath as the conversation ended. She couldn’t hear the kissing or any other noises coming from the outside. 

But as soon as she thought that the couple was finally gone, Rey felt a hand wrap around her wrist and drag her outside. 

Rey screamed and the woman named Rose gasped when she saw Rey being dragged out to the cold. 

The pale ginger named Hux stared at her for a few seconds, his eyes filled with anger. But as soon as he recognized her, his face relaxed a little bit.  

But his hand still didn’t release her. 

“You’re that exile. The one that came to Solo’s office.” Rey nodded, forcing the tears to stay in her eyes. “Why were you hiding in there, exile? Were you eavesdropping on us?” He squeezed her arm a bit. “ Did someone task you to do this?”  

“What? No! I was just leaving Captain Solo’s office to go home. But then I heard your voices, and I froze. That is all!”  

“And why should I believe you?”  

“Because I was tasked by Captain Solo to make a copy of a land survey and I always leave this office at the same hours. Please, just ask him!”  

Rey pleaded desperately. 

This whole situation was beginning to scare her.  

Getting into trouble was so incredibly easy for a person like her. Exiles were always expected to be on their best behaviour, even such minor things like taking a few dry logs for the fireplace without permission could get you into incredible trouble. Even if Hux wasn’t in charge of Rey’s village anymore, she was sure that he still held enough power to punish her for eavesdropping. 

“Please, I beg of you, this is all a big misunderstanding! I wasn’t here on purpose, and I won’t tell anyone anything. Please!”  

“Let go of her, Hux. Clearly, this is all a misunderstanding. The girl was heading home, and we were in the way.”   

Hux let go of Rey almost immediately, but not before giving her one more suspicious look. 

Rey almost immediately took a few steps back from the couple, right into the fresh snow. She turned her head to Rose and let out a weak “Thank you.”  

The woman just gave her a gentle nod. 

“Was Solo upstairs, exile? Were you keeping him company?”  

Rey knew what he meant, but she chose to ignore the nasty implication. 

“No. He is not there. In fact, I have barely seen him.”  

“Yes, you’re right, I’ve heard that he’s been rather busy.”  

“Busy? With what, love?”  

Hux was about to answer Rose, but the words in his mouth died quickly once his eyes landed on Rey again.  

“Weren’t you heading home, exile? You better run fast, or your people will think that you got lost in the dead cold of the night.”  

It was hard to tell if he was threatening her and she wasn’t planning to wait and find out.  

Rey glanced one last time at Rose. Her face was surprisingly gentle, no traces of anger or resentment. And it surprised Rey.  

For the past three weeks of her life in Siberia, most people, who weren’t one of the exiles, had serious or unpleasant expressions on their faces when it came to dealing with the supposed criminals. And Rey didn’t blame them. If the roles were switched, she would feel the same. She just forced herself to get used to it and accept that it was part of her new life in Siberia.  

But the small kindness that Rose showed to her was completely new and unexpected. 

She expected malice from Plutt, from soldiers, even from the natives of the land. But the small kindness that Rose just showed her made her rethink her beliefs. 

Rey began her way back home through the thick snow and the mild wind. And as she got further away from the two lovers, her ears still didn’t miss Rose's words. 

“Look how thin she is. I cannot believe that Plutt forces them to work all day long whilst starving them.”  

- 

The sight that she witnessed upon entering the house could be described by one word – chaos. 

Cassasndra was boiling the water on top of the small stove. Caroline was breaking down some dried-up linden tree leaves and blooms, whilst old man Kenobi was tearing up some white linens that the Damerons brought to Siberia. 

Cassian and Jyn were standing by the two parents whose children were laying on the bed, without much movement. They were dabbing down the little foreheads of their children. 

Rey’s heart fell to her stomach. 

“What happened?” She asked Poe, as he came to greet her by the door. 

“Both children fell ill. Their whole bodies are covered in spots.” 

“What?” Rey’s eyes went to the kids and then to Poe again. “They need to be taken to a hospital!” 

“No! We cannot do that.” Kenobi interjected. 

“Why not?! These kids need medical help!” 

“Yes, but if we ask for them to be taken to the hospital it is miles away and the roads are covered in snow. And if that was still not enough, there is a high chance that...” Words choked out in his mouth. Out of all the weeks that she has known Obi Wan Kenobi, Rey has never seen him so distressed. 

Confusion and fear overcame Rey’s face. Her lips began to tremble a bit and her eyes became watery once again. She took a few steps towards Kenobi, completely ignoring Poe. 

Her voice trembled as she quietly asked him, “What will happen to the children if they get taken to the hospital, Kenobi?” 

He looked at her with calmness in his eyes and gave her an answer that made her heart shake. 

“We will never see them again.” 

Her jaw went slack. 

“No! No one is taking my children anywhere!” Mary roared in a voice of a lioness who was protecting her cubs. 

Rey wanted to protest it, to tell him that he was wrong. That there is no way that such cruelty was possible. But none of it came out of her mouth, as it simply opened and closed. 

Silence set in the house.  

Rey closed her eyes, squeezing them as much as possible. Her hands closed into fists and as she squeezed them. 

“How could you know this?” she asked, despite already knowing the answer. 

“My son’s letters, Renata. I... There were so many things in there that shocked me. But this... I wouldn’t dare to test if that would be true here or not.” 

“But- they-” She released weakly. 

“We all discussed this, Renata. We would rather try and nurse those kids back to health instead of not seeing them again.” 

Rey’s mouth stayed open, her eyebrows still furrowed from fear and frustration. 

In the background, she heard a child’s weak cough. 

The house was warm, the two candles were burning, spreading the dim light around their small house.   

Rey looked at the young family. The mother, the father and their two sickly children. 

The husband was named Alan Dawn. He was a thirty-two-year-old fifth-generation wheat farmer. He was a man of average height with light brown hair and dark blue eyes, his pleasant-looking face was covered in freckles 

His wife was named Mary, like her mother and grandmother before her. Mary was a short blonde with honey brown eyes and a petite stature and the same age as her husband. Mary came from a long family of farmers, like her husband. They were both born and raised in the same village, where they spent the majority of their lives together so it was only natural that the two of them fell in love and ended up marrying each other. 

During the long hours in the endless never-ending forests of Siberia, Mary told Rey the story of how her husband and her came together. Alan and Mary were pining after each other since they were barely teenagers. The connection that they had changed its meaning over the many years but once they became teenagers it finally clicked that it was indeed a bond of love. So, when they came of age Alan went to Mary’s family and declared his intentions to marry her. 

Mary’s parents didn’t oppose, in fact, they were very enthusiastic about their daughter marrying a proper man. But Alan’s mother was not too happy about her future daughter-in-law and forbade the marriage from happening. 

Alan knew that marrying Mary with both his parents' blessings was not possible so, as a solution to their problem, Alan married his childhood best friend in secret. No one was present at the wedding besides the young couple and the priest. And after the small ceremony was done at the church in the middle of the night, Alan and Mary went back home at dawn and he declared that she is his wife. His mother was furious, but because they gave vows in front of God nothing could be done. 

After that, they were blessed with 2 children. The eleven-year-old boy was named John. He was a fair balance between his mother and father, with his brown hair, honey eyes and soft features. John was a sweet boy who always helped his little sister and his mother with the labor. 

He once told Rey that he had never seen green eyes before and it made him miss summers back home. Rey has never received such a sincere compliment in her entire life 

John’s little sister was named Kiera. She was a six-year-old who smiled as brightly as the sun shined. Out of the four of them, Kiera had the darkest brown hair, according to her father it was a gift from her maternal grandfather, piercing blue eyes and her father's freckles. 

As the youngest member of the house, Kiera’s most prized possession wasn’t gold jewellery or money, but a brown teddy named simply Bear. Kiera carried that plushie everywhere. Even tucking it underneath her winter coat, where it would sit close to her little heart. She once told Rey that she was afraid of the bears that might live in the forest and having Bear always with her made her feel safe and warm. 

Intense emotions overcame Rey, as she got closer to the children and saw Kiera clutching her little protector named Bear, as sweat was rolling down her forehead. 

Her whole body began shaking, her vision became black. Her vivid imagination began projecting images of a reality in which the children did not in fact get better. 

It made the fear that she felt grow even more. 

None of them had any real medicine anymore, as Rey gave the last of her expired paracetamol pills to Poe who thankfully made a miraculous recovery the very next day. 

Medicine in post-war Baltics was scarce so they all just packed various types of herbal teas and homemade remedies. 

And that was precisely what Cassandra was doing with her mother – boiling tea, in hopes that it would help the children with their sickness. 

Cassandra brought the boiled tea to Mary and gently handed the two metal mugs into her hands. 

“Mary, this looks to me like measles. Poe had it when he was similar age to Kiera, and he had the same exact spots. Once they get past this disease, they will never get it again. We just need to help them with beating this disease.” 

“Yes, and if we all had measles at one point, we shouldn’t get it.” Caroline added. 

“We need a doctor,” Rey interjected bluntly. 

“I told you, we discussed this.” Kenobi’s quiet voice reached her ears as he was standing behind her. 

“No, I meant that the village must have a doctor. Maybe we could get him to come here and take a look at them.” 

They all looked around at each other but not a single word left their mouths. 

“I could ask someone tomorrow.” Rey added. 

“Like who? The Captain? I’ve barely seen him in the forest since you began working in his office. And I do not think Plutt will be too happy to know that he’s already losing three workers since someone has to stay with the kids.” 

Rey didn’t miss the slight malice in Caroline’s words. But she was right. Chances were high that he would not come to the forest tomorrow. 

In a situation like this, Rey felt brave enough to knock at his home door to ask for help, but the problem was that she didn’t know if he even lived in the village. 

“I- I... It can’t be Plutt, no. I... It has to be someone else.” 

“Well, there is no one else. Plutt won’t help us. In fact, I am quite sure that he would do anything in his power to make the situation worse and we don’t want that to happen because of your recklessness.” Caroline jabbed at Rey. 

The anger that Rey felt from Caroline’s mean phrases was not new to her. The older woman knew very well how to get under her skin. But in a desperate situation like such, stating the obvious in a malicious way and also insulting her was not something that Rey could simply let go of. Because it was starting to feel like she just wasn’t being tough with Rey, but rather malicious. 

“Why do you always have to be so evil towards me? I understand that you might not like me, but I am trying to help here, whilst all you do is put me down.” 

“Because you are naive and reckless and that recklessness is the thing that got you here in the first place.” She slowly stood from the chair that was next to the fire, her frail body barely complying with a rather simple move. “And I will not watch this house suffer because of it!” 

“But how does me trying to look for ways to find a village doctor make me naive? Tell me!” Rey yelled, coming towards Caroline, but Poe with a scared expression came towards Rey. “I am sick and tired of your little remarks about me. You may not like me because I used to steal and because it was my own recklessness that got me here, but for fucks sakes Caroline, I am on your side! I am on everyone’s here side! So, can you please stop attacking me and face the fact that we are all fucked if we do not get these children some medical help!” 

Caroline was stunned into silence. 

Disrespecting an elder person was a bold and unthinkable thing to do and Rey was only now realizing that maybe she should have swallowed her words instead of letting them out. 

But it was too late now. 

Caroline’s face shifted between stunned, angry and calm. Facing Caroline was not a scary thing for Rey, even after regretting her words. But what she couldn’t do was face Cassandra, as the shame that she felt was far too great. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I was disrespectful and this isn’t the time or place for this.” 

But to Rey’s surprise, Cassandra approached her from her back and began stroking her back in slow circles. Rey gave her a weak smile in return, still not facing her eyes. 

“As much as I hate the idea of Plutt making this terrible situation even worse, I think the kid is right. We need to ask for a village doctor. Rey and I will see what we can do. Let us hope that the captain will come tomorrow, instead of the other soldier.” Kenobi said in a peaceful tone. 

“We should all get some sleep. We can take turns at night to watch the kids. Maybe they will feel better tomorrow, okay?” Cassandra’s gentle voice comforted not only Mary and Alan but also everyone in the house. 

She has a true gift of comforting a person in distress. I just wish that this gift was enough to make things okay, Rey thought to herself. 

They left a single candle burning by the window, next to the children's bed, each adult taking turns to check if they were both not burning up. 

Or still breathing. 

- 

Around six am, Unkar Plutt showed up to the house, bringing snow and cold wind into their home. As he did almost every day, Plutt commanded everyone to head to the forest, but not before noticing that something was different about the exiles that day. 

Everyone in the house was already dressed and ready to go to work, apart from Mary and her children. She urged her husband to go to work, whilst she looked after their children. 

He adjusted his long chestnut brown fur coat that dragged over the snow. It was too long for him, yet too small for his stature, as it was belted over his fat belly, barely keeping the coat closed. As part of the misfitting ensemble, he wore black leather boots and a fur hat, accompanied with wool mittens and two scarves that were wrapped around his neck and shoulders. 

Like every person who lived in this climate, Plutt's goal was to stay as warm as possible, even if it meant looking a little ridiculous. 

His face was red, the little blue veins were cracked around his red cheeks were prominent and his nose was swollen. All of that wasn’t caused just by the cold, but it was rather a common outcome for people who leaned into alcohol on a regular basis.  

After the death of her parents, Rey got a close look at alcoholics. It was a frightening sight how one drink could turn a person into someone else. In some cases, even an irrational beast, that gets driven purely by emotion. 

Unkar Plutt was one of those people. And today of all days, he barged into their home reeking of alcohol. 

Rey clenched her fists and inhaled her breath, staring at the man by the door. 

“What the hell is going on here? Why are these three not dressed yet?” Plutt pointed his small finger at the children who were asleep, clearly not noticing that they were sick. “Do they not want to eat? ” He released a grotesque chuckle. 

The children of the exiles were not excluded from work.  

Even small children had to work. 

During their first days in the village, Mary and John asked Kenobi if they could help them with some translations as they wanted to plead with Plutt and beg for him to allow their children to attend a school, as it turned out that there was a small elementary school in the village. 

Unkar Plutt only answered with “ Do you think the two of you can do enough work to feed two extra mouths?”   

And after receiving a very small amount of food that came as payment for the first week of their work, it was made very clear that it would not be possible for their children to attend school. 

In the end, Mary and Alan had to make the painful decision of having their small children work together with everyone, just so that they wouldn’t starve to death. 

Having a somewhat normal childhood and attending school like every other local child did was not a possibility for a child of exiles. 

The system did not care about your height, weight, or age. If you had two working hands and two working legs you were more than able to work for your food. 

To salvage the situation a bit, Obi Wan Kenobi was able to convince Unkar Plutt to allow for the children of the exiles to at least work inside the wood factory together with him, instead of spending their days outdoors in freezing temperatures. 

There were five more children who worked alongside John and Kiera. 

They were tasked with small tasks like sweeping the floors and doing some cleaning work where Kenobi was able to keep an eye on them, when their parents couldn’t. 

But it was hard to miss that the children struggled greatly with the work and the lack of a proper diet.  

It was a difficult sight–seeing kids so young work so hard for their age in order to eat. They deserved to be in schools and to have normal childhoods, instead of working for fourteen hours, because they and their parents had sentences placed on their heads. 

It was a cruel system that Rey despised witnessing every day. 

But seeing those same kids become broken from an illness and for Plutt to come into their home demanding that they need to work, was a whole new realm of injustice that made her blood boil. 

“The children are sick, and they cannot go to work. Mary will stay with them, and the rest of the house will work.”  

Plutt threw his head towards Rey. His nostrils flared, as Rey’s tone accidentally came out too harsh. 

She bit her cheek. 

“Who are you to command me, you filthy criminal! If I say the children must work today, they will be fucking working today!”  

“Please!”, Mary interjected. A language barrier was not an obstacle to a woman whose children were sick. 

“Please what? All of you are here to work. No exceptions will be made, not even to the children. Now get them dressed and-”  

“We’ll do the day's load for all eleven of us.” Kenobi interjected, “The eight of us will do the day's load including the work that Mary and her kids do, please just let her stay with her children. You won’t even notice that they're not there. Please, sir.”  

“You think that will help your case, old man? I said no one gets to stay insid-”  

“If the children go to work today, there is a chance they will not survive. I’m sure it is smarter for the collective farm to have as many able bodies as possible, instead of forcing the ill ones into the hands of death. Please, allow the children to get well and we will do their workload in the meantime.”  

Rey closed her eyes. She was incredibly grateful that no one else understood what Kenobi just said to Unkar Plutt. Especially the parents. 

The tactic that he used was rather cruel and borderline evil, but it was the only way to make Plutt change his mind.  

Kenobi literally and metaphorically spoke in Plutt’s language. 

Plutt looked at the children again from a distance. The boy let out a weak cough and turned in his bed. 

“If you eight fail to perform today, none of you will be paid for today’s work. Now go to the forest, before I change my mind.”  

He stepped outside of their house, slamming the door behind him. 

“Mary, you can stay with the children. The eight of us will work today. We’ll have to cover the workload for Mary and the children.”  

Everyone nodded and began putting up their coats. Kenobi walked towards Rey, and she raised her head to look at his stress-worn face. “Renata, I need you to ask the captain for a doctor if you see him. If there is someone who could help us, it has to be him. If I see a friendly local, I will ask them for help. We must do this, okay?” 

“But what if he doesn’t show up today? What then? I have barely seen the captain even since I began my work on the survey.” 

“We have to hope that he comes. If he doesn’t, I’m not sure if we could help these children.” 

Rey's mouth opened and then it closed. 

She nodded at the old man, trying as hard as possible to not let the tears start falling down her cold cheeks. 

Rey saw Alan hugging his wife and kissing her head. He gently stroked the heads of his two children. 

The sight made her heart squeeze. 

Please, please, show up to the forest, Captain Solo.  

I need to see you.   

I need to talk to you.   

I need you to help me.  

Please.  

-  

The sun was high up, piercing through the thick clouds that made the day grey. 

There were days when the clouds were thick and bright and on days like such, it was hard to see where the snowy ground ended and where the sky began. Only the dark tree trunks and the people who worked in the forests stood out from the endless whiteness that blinded her vision. 

Rey looked around, her eyes stinging in the process. She squinted a bit to ease her eyes from the pain. She scanned the forest, desperately looking for his presence somewhere between the trees. 

Previously, her wish to see the captain was based on a selfish whim of wanting to witness the man whose looks and presence she found intriguing again and again. But this time his appearance could very much determine between life and death. 

Her eyes paced around the forest. She was cutting a tree with Poe and thrashing around, in hopes that the captain was behind her. 

“Can you see him?” 

“No. I also don’t see the other soldier either.” 

“What if he doesn’t show up today? What then?” 

“I do not know, Poe.” 

“Should you ask the other soldier then? What was his name? Vicrul?” 

“I do not trust the other one. He might send those kids to the hospital. Mary and Alan would never forgive me for dooming their children and I would never forgive myself.” 

“This shouldn’t have fallen on your shoulders, Rey.” 

“But it has fallen on my shoulders!” She yelled at Poe, the light mist coming out from her open mouth “I have to do everything to help them! Because I cannot bear to see those children d-” 

Her voice cracked. She could not say what she almost did. 

Instead, she said something else. 

“I’m sorry, Poe. I’m really stressed, and I could not bear to mess this up.” 

“It’s fine. Do not worry about me worry about-” 

As those words left Poe’s mouth, something very suddenly caught her attention, completely distracting her from Poe’s words. 

She did not see Vicrul. 

Nor did she see that captain. 

What she did see was Rose. 

She was handing in something to an older man who shared a great facial resemblance to her. The older man was a head taller than Rose. His face was worn by cold, his dark eyes framed by light wrinkles, and she could see some grey strands on top of his jet-black hair. 

Without any doubt, Rey knew that the man was in fact Rose’s father. 

The other day, Rose displayed something she did not expect to get from the locals here – kindness. 

For a brief second, Rey considered her slim options.  

Missing out on a chance to speak to Rose could also mean that she would completely miss her chance to ask about the local doctor. 

This was about to become a gamble. 

Rey looked at the spot in the sky where the sun was barely visible through the clouds and then she looked at Rose who slowly began making her way back. 

The position of the sun made things very clear. 

It was either now or never. 

Rey released the handle of the blade, leaving it dangling from the tree trunk. 

“Rey! Where are you going!” 

She raised her legs high, as each step was difficult to make due to all the snow that reached way above her feet. She lifted and lifted her legs which were painful from the cold, picking up the pace as much as possible to catch up with the local woman. 

“Wait!” A shout came out from her, as she quickly realized that getting to her was no waste task. 

Rose stopped in her tracks and turned to Rey. 

Confusion washed over her face. 

“Your name is Rose? Is that correct?”  

Other people were watching them, and it clearly made the woman in front of Rey a bit nervous about that. 

“I’m afraid you are confusing me with someone else.”  

“Please! I need your help!”  

“I do not think I could help you. Good day.”  

She began making her way as fast as possible, clearly avoiding the exile. 

But Rey was persistent. She launched herself forward to catch up with Rose. 

“Please! I beg of you! We have two very sick children at home. They need a doctor.”  

“Then ask Plutt or Captain Solo to have them taken to a hospital.”  

“I cannot.”  

“Then I am afraid I cannot help you.”  

She started walking again but grabbed her arm. 

Rose’s eyes went wide at the gesture. Her mouth opened and closed. 

Rey immediately knew that she shouldn’t have done that. 

Rose was a free woman. She was allowed to do whatever she wanted or go wherever she wanted. 

And Rey was not free. 

She and other exiles were confined to this village. To this hard work. They were the criminals on papers, and the natives of the land were the people that somehow had to learn to exist with them, even if not a single exile had any real criminal record on their names. 

Guilt and shame washed over her. 

She gently let go of her hand. 

“I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. None of your people have shown any anger or hostility towards my people and instead of showing gratitude for that, I disrespected you. I am sorry.”  

Rose said nothing. But it also seemed like she wanted to hear what Rey wanted to say. 

“I’ll restart again. We have two sick children at home. My... grandfather was informed that if we had the children taken to a hospital there was a high chance that... we would never see them again.”  

Rose’s mouth opened and her face showed a clear sign of shock. 

“I wanted to ask you if there was a local doctor that could see the children? Please, the other day you showed me kindness that I did not expect to see. I am really grateful for it and I will repay you for your help now. I just...” A wet gasp came out of Rey’s mouth, sending a stinging cold immediately to her lungs. “I cannot bear to see innocent children in an ill state that keeps worsening.”  

As those words left her mouth, a sound of crunching snow behind her reached her ears. 

Rose’s eyes darted behind the person behind her and Rey. 

“What is your name?”  

“I- My name is Renata Solana.”  

“Well, Renata, at the western edge of the village there is a small wooden house separated from the other ones. Inside, there lives a woman named Maz Kanata. She is the village's doctor.”  

Rey’s eyes immediately lit up. But before she got the chance to thank her Rose cut her off. 

“But she is no city doctor, remember that. You might need to convince her to help you, as Maz does not take kind to outsiders.”  

“Rose, thank you so much! I will repay you for your kindness, I promise!”  

“There is no need. Just take care of your people.”  

As she said those words to Rey, her father approached her once again. 

The man spoke to his daughter in a language that Rey did not understand. 

The woman gave a gentle nod to her father as began making her way back to the village through the tall layer of snow that froze everyone’s legs. 

Rose’s father gave Rey one more look and made his way back to work. 

Rey rushed back to Poe and picked up her side of the blade. 

As her hands began cutting again, she looked around the forest full of people that all blended into the same black blob on the white canvas. 

It was hard to miss that the captain did not show up once again. 

- 

Rey did not work on the map that day. 

Instead, she spent the remaining several work hours helping the people from her house with the workload that Mary and her kids were supposed to do. By the time they were finished, it was well past 9 pm.  

She was so tired and hungry that all she wanted to do was to collapse on her bed and sleep. 

But instead, she was walking through the village in pitch-black darkness as cold snow was hitting her calves with each step that she took. Her way around the village was treacherous as Rey was looking for the house where the village's mysterious doctor lived. 

Kenobi offered to go with Rey, but she thought that it would be best if she he stayed at home with everyone else. He first protested, saying that she is still a child herself and that this should be sorted by an adult. But something inside told her that she should do this alone. Her intuition, perhaps. 

The wind picked up as cold snowflakes hit her face. She tied a scarf around her face and headed towards the western part of the village, guided by her father's watch that had a small compass built in the dial, as there were heavenly bodies visible through the thick clouds above her. 

She clutched her gloved hand next to her chest. And as her hand squeezed, she could feel the resistance of a smooth metallic surface inside her glove. 

Two gold rings dug into her cold palm. 

Back in the Baltics, when the soldiers first knocked on everyone’s door with the intention of sending them into exile, most people packed whatever seemed most necessary for their survival. Food and clothes weren’t the only things that were going to help them survive – it was also gold. 

Cassandra was the very first person to do this. If it weren’t for that beautiful gold ring that she exchanged for some food, Rey and the Damerons wouldn’t have survived the journey.  

To say that Rey was grateful to her would be an understatement.  

She owed her life to Cassandra. 

But she wasn’t the only one who brought gold in case a life needed to be bought. 

Mary, a devoted mother of two children, brought three gold rings with the same intention. One for each of her loved ones. And as her children were fighting for their lives, she thrust two of those rings into Rey’s palm, one for each of her children, and begged her to help save her children's lives. 

To say that she was nervous would greatly understate how Rey was feeling as she made her way west of the village. 

She knew that she was capable of convincing someone to help her, but there were cases where she lost her temper out of anger and frustration. And in this case, such failure was not an option. 

It didn’t feel like she was carrying rings in her palms. 

But the lives of two children. 

She spotted the small wooden hut.  

It was much smaller than most houses in the village. The shape was also a bit unusual, as the house was not strictly square. Rey saw a dim light flickering from the window and grey smoke that was coming out of her chimney. 

The fact the mysterious doctor Maz Kanata was home, was both relieving and nerve-wracking. 

Rey wasn’t shaking from the cold anymore, but rather from nerves and the complete unknowingness that lies behind the door. 

She knocks at the wooden door that had elaborate patterns carved all over it. 

There was a long pause before someone inside shifted. She heard the wooden floors inside creak and the sound became louder, as the woman inside approached the door. 

A small crack opened up and a tiny woman came into Rey’s field of vision. 

“Yes?”  

The woman in front of her was not all what Rey expected.  

She was half the size of Rey. Her small and delicate face was covered in small wrinkles, her black hair was almost done turning grey. 

If she really was a doctor, she did not look like one.  

She moved the scarf off her mouth and asked. “Are you Maz Kanata? The village's doctor?”  

“And where did you get that from?”  

“A woman named Rose told me.”  

“Did she now.”  

It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement of surprise. 

“Yes, she did. Please, I am in desperate need of your help. We have two sick children at home and they’re not getting any better. Please, I will pay for your help.”  

The words just fell out of her mouth so suddenly, like snow falling down on the ground from the tall treetops. 

“I haven’t even said if I am a doctor or not. Barging in so rudely into someone’s home at such a late hour and demanding for help. Child, you have no manners.”  

“I’m sorry for being so rude! Please, I just need your help.”  

The small woman exhaled and looked into Rey’s eyes one more time. The way her eye’s pierced into Reys, it felt like the older woman was searching for something in her face.  

No, not her face. Somewhere much deeper, where a regular person didn’t even know you could look there. 

It felt like the woman was examining her soul. 

A shiver went down her spine. 

“I see you carry summer in those green eyes of yours and I sure miss summer when all you can see is white.” Rey didn’t know what to say to that and as it turned out an answer was not needed. “Alright, come inside.”  

Maz left the door slightly open and went inside, as Rey followed her. 

“Take off your coats and your shoes. It is rude for a guest to wear outdoor clothes inside.”  

She followed her inside, peeling off all the layers of her. First her work coat, then her mother's old coat and her father's boots, her grandmother's head scarf and Cassandra’s scarf. She left one glove on. The one that had the gold rings inside. 

It just hit her that almost none of the clothes that she wore on her back belonged to her. 

“Where can I leave my coats?”  

“There, child. Hang your clothes and follow me.” Maz pointed to a row of pointy nails by the door. She hung her clothes and made her way inside, as Maz disappeared into a room at the back of the house. 

The small house was cluttered with various things. Pots, pans, cutlery, frames, clothes and various other things that had no real connection were littered around. It was hard to understand where the kitchen ended, and the living room began. All those things made it hard for Rey to step around the house, but Maz navigated her home with ease. 

On the tops of the walls and ceilings, various types of herbs and flowers were hung for drying. Rey didn’t recognize most of them, as they were probably native to the land. She supposed her foraging trips didn’t equip her with enough herbal knowledge. 

As she made her way deeper inside, she saw a white cat sleeping on the bed that was surprisingly well-made. 

The cat raised its tiny head and looked at Rey with sleepy eyes. Rey gave her a smile, thinking that the cat probably blends in perfectly with the snow. Just a pair of blue eyes looking from the white snow. 

For some reason, the clutter, the warmness of the house and the white cat eased her anxiety. 

There was something magical about Maz’s house. It felt like she was transported into a different, much better reality. Rey couldn’t pinpoint what exactly made her feel that way, but right from the moment when she stepped her foot into this house, Rey knew that Maz Kanata was no regular woman. 

There was something mystical about her. 

Maz sat down on her bed and stroked her white cat. 

“You said there are ill children in your house.”  

“Yes, that is correct. We suspect that they have-“ She hesitated a bit before saying what the illness was. The exiles not only feared for the lives of the children, but they also were afraid of being a potential source of a contagious sickness that could ravage the village and what Plutt would do to them if he found out what the illness was. But she had to say it. It’s not like the woman wouldn’t notice that they were covered in red spots. “We suspect that they have measles. Everyone in the house had measles before, so none got sick. It would be best if you took a look at them.”  

“Yes, that is possible. Do they have fevers?”  

“Yes, they are both burning up.”  

“How old are they?”  

“Six and eleven.”  

“I see.”  

“Can you help them, doctor?”  

Maz’s mouth twisted a bit, as she kept stroking her cat. 

“So impatient.” She sighed. “The children themselves can only help themselves as there is no real way for me to help them. Their bodies have to do most of the fighting. I can, however, ease that disease with some medicine, tea and perhaps a cream to lessen the itching, but that is all I can do.”  

Rey’s eyes lit up as she heard those words. 

“I would be most grateful for that. Please!”  

“Your gratitude won’t do much here, child. I need to know if you can pay for my help?”  

She untucked her one gloved hand and showed the gold rings that sat on her palm. One of them had a light blue stone and the other had an amber piece framed. 

“One ring for each child.”  

Maz Kanata looked at the rings that glimmered in the candlelight. She didn’t touch them or look interested enough to care about the little pieces of valuable jewellery that were being offered to her.  

It made Rey’s eyebrows furrow. 

“I do not want gold. What else can you have to offer?”  

“How can you decline gold?”  

“I do not like gold, child. What else do you have?”  

“But you can sell them for a lot of money!”  

“There is no one in the village that would buy those pieces and I do not want to go through the hassle of getting them traded. So, let me ask again, what else do you have?”  

Rey’s mouth was still open from disbelief. Money could very much lose value in times of war or economic crisis, but gold was always the most stable form of currency. And if Maz was rejecting the only thing that had any real value, Rey didn’t know if she could actually make Maz help the children. 

“I- I do not have anything else. Please, I beg of you, please help me.”  

“And what is that on your hand? ” She pointed at Rey’s wrist where her father's watch sat underneath her the sleeve of her turtleneck. 

Her eyes closed as soon as she heard those words, as Rey knew immediately what this meant. 

Rey didn’t want to push her sleeve up and reveal the watch. 

She didn’t want to negotiate over one of the very few things that had been left from her parents. 

She didn’t want to part with something that was supposed to be passed down to her out of love, like generations before. 

But she also knew that it was either parting with her watch or seeing the two children die. 

Rey pushed the sleeve of her turtleneck up and showed the watch on her wrist. 

“Yes, that’ll do.”  

She untied the string that kept it on her wrist and placed the watch on Maz’s bed. 

The wind blew outside as the two women made their way back to the house where four exiled families lived. Maz carried a black leather suitcase that had her medical supplies inside. 

The whole night was a blur, and she didn’t remember much of it. 

Unclear images of Maz checking up on the children. 

Mary and Alan crying absolute tears of joy when Maz said that the worst had already passed and that John and Kiera should be okay in a week or so. 

She stood by the exit door with Poe and Cassandra and watched as Kenobi helped the young family with translations. 

Rey saw Caroline looking at her and at her now empty wrist. There was a weird look on her face that almost communicated compassion. But Rey wrote it down as an error of her tired brain. 

After everything, she gave back both rings to Mary. 

It felt like she was giving her children’s lives back into their mother's hands. 

Rey didn’t say that Maz’s help cost her father's watch. She lied that Maz’s help was free and that the doctor felt like it was her duty to help the sick. 

She didn’t see the point in telling them the truth. Mary would have probably offered the two rings to Rey as compensation, but she didn’t want anything from her. 

Eventually, happiness and relief did visit her heart that night and she couldn’t have asked for more. And if she had to make that choice again, Rey would choose the same thing again. 

But it was hard to miss that the feeling was bittersweet. 

Rey knew in her heart that attaching her feelings to material things was not smart, as it only brought her pain when loss was inevitable. But she already was robbed of so many things in her life. And losing one of the very few things she had left did pain her. 

That night a few tears escaped her eyes, as it was difficult for her to find sleep. 

She was too achy and still too overwhelmed to sleep. 

But amongst every image of the past few days that circled in her head at night, Rey couldn’t help but wonder when she would see the captain again. 

- 

Fat snowflakes fell behind the glass window. The wind that day did not rise, proving to be one of the quietest Sunday’s Rey has witnessed. 

Over the week, she neglected her work on the commission, as her priority was helping others pick the work that was supposed to be done by Mary and her kids. 

Her Sundays would usually be spent doing chores - wheat preparation, cooking, bathing and resting. On some days she prayed, even though she wasn’t really religious. 

Breaking her Sunday routine, Rey came straight to the captain's office, after her trip to the warehouse, as a few hours ago she and other exiles picked up their food for the week. 

700 grams of wheat was given to other exiles and 4 kilograms to Rey. 

Each week everyone in Rey’s house got 100 grams less than the week before.  

Plutt said it was because they did less work that week and that they should try harder next week. 

Protesting against it was not possible, as no one really knew how the workload was being counted and no one really dared to question Plutt, in fears that their food would be cut in half as a punishment for challenging him. 

The only reason why they weren’t starving to death was because Rey shared a large part of her wheat with everyone else and she would also bring the biscuits and fruits that the captain would leave for her in his office. But even then, that didn’t change the fact they were slowly being starved and that the food that they got was simply not enough. 

Every day upon Rey’s return from the captain's office, the children would run up to her as soon as Rey got home, as the children preferred biscuits for dinner over tasteless bread that they made every day. 

And in their sickness, Mary hand-fed her kids with the same biscuits that Rey brought back. But several days after Maz’s visit, the children were already strong enough to eat by themselves. 

Rey was incredibly happy to see the children getting stronger with each day, but that was not the end of her fears. 

The slow decrease of wheat was becoming a problem and soon they will have to start considering other ways of getting food, because at the moment it was Rey who was mostly supporting everyone and it was only a matter of weeks when she finishes her work on the survey and loses her access to the captain’s food and the extra wheat that she gets for her work on it. 

She drew a black line on the paper. 

The black ink seeped into the white surface of the paper, making the grey line of the pencil disappear forever underneath the black one. 

Sometimes she would stop and stare at the land survey and how her hard work was coming together. She still had many days of work ahead of her, but the end was already in sight. And it surprisingly upset her, as a tiny part of liked her evenings spent in the captain's warm and quiet office. It added some normality to her gruelling days. 

Rey raised her head from the paper and looked at the door again. 

And something unexpected happened. 

Something that she was secretly hoping for days to happen. 

The door opened. 

He was there, standing by the door with his cheeks flushed from the cold and his jet-black hair falling on his eyes. 

The captain came into his office. 

Her mouth opened and closed. She didn’t know what his sudden appearance could mean. 

Rey slowly stood from his chair and came around the table, where only roughly five meters separated them. She didn’t know if he minded her sitting on his chair. But if she had to make a guess, her answer would be no. 

“You’re here,” he began. 

“I am.”  

“I thought you rested on Sundays.”  

“I did, but this week I didn’t have a lot of time to work on your commission. I’m catching up today.”  

“You have set hours out of your workday to work on the commission, yet you chose to work in the forest instead?”  

“I did.”  

“Why?”  

His voice was gentle and sturdy. It didn’t indicate anything malicious, but something in his voice told her that he already knew why she made such a choice this week. 

She told him anyway. 

“We had sick people at home. They were unable to work so, me and other people did their workload for the week so that we all could eat.”  

His facial expression didn’t change and that confirmed her suspicion that he knew about what happened during the week of his absence. 

“Did you ask anyone for help with the sickly?”  

“Yes.”  

“Who did you go to? Was it Unkar Plutt?“  

There was concern in his eyes. Like he was scared about the prospect of her answering with a yes. 

She found it surprising that a man who was twice the height of Unkar Plutt seemed afraid of him.  

But maybe he wasn’t afraid of him, but rather what he was capable of doing. 

She surprised herself as her eyes softened for the briefest moment. 

“I.. Uh, no. I didn’t ask him for help. I saw Rose Tico in the forest one day and I went to ask her if there was a doctor living in the village that could help us.”  

Relief washed over his face and It made her heart pound. 

She continued. 

“I.. I, uh, went to Maz Kanata. She was able to help us with some tea and medicine. According to her, the worst has passed, and they should recover in a week or so. She helped us.”  

Out of all the things that she thought he could have said, she did not expect him to say that. 

“And did she ask for something as payment?”  

“Why would you ask me that?” S he felt betrayed by her own body as her hand went to her right wrist. 

His eyes seemed to notice the sudden movement, so he asked her again. Gently. 

“Did the doctor ask you for payment?”  

“Is this a trick question?”  

“No, it is not. I would like to know what it cost for her to help your people?”  

“It didn’t cost the parents anything.”  

“And what did it cost you.”  

Unexpectedly, tears stained her eyes. Rey thought that she already made her peace with losing her father's watch, but having someone actually ask about it reopened that little stitch in her heart in the most sudden and painful way. 

“Tell me.”   

The sturdy soles of his boots hit the wooden floor, as he came closer to her. But she didn’t have the courage to raise her head and answer him. 

Her lip just trembled a bit and a warm tear fell down her cheek. 

She finally saw the captain's boots as he stopped in front of her. 

A cold hand enveloped her warm one. 

Her bony hand was so much smaller compared to his. It completely enveloped hers, as it gently sat on his palm. 

She didn’t resist the motion. 

Fear was not something she felt at this moment. 

But then more tears fell out of her eyes as Captain Solo unexpectedly placed her father's watch into the palm of her hand. 

“I believe this belongs to you.”  

He closed her palm around the watch and let go of her hand. 

“I should have been in the village when this happened and I’m sorry that I wasn’t. It is my responsibility to help in such moments and instead, you had to sacrifice your watch to get some help.”  

“I-”  

“Hux told me what happened. I just wasn’t too sure how you found out about Maz. I feared that it was through Plutt, but it seems that he conveniently missed out that it was Rose who helped you.”  

Rey opened her palm and stroked her father's watch with her other hand. She was in complete disbelief that it came back to her. 

That the captain gave it back to her. 

“I am done with my business for the foreseeable future, and I will be in the village more often. But if something like this happens again, and if you don’t find me in the forest or my office, I need you to know that I have a flat in the village. It’s on the second floor of the other brick building and that is where you will find me. I do not want you going to Plutt, do you understand?” He paused briefly, giving her the courage to finally look up and look at the man that was in front of her. 

The redness of his cheeks was disappearing. Now they were pink. The snowflakes that fell on his hair melted and it made his hair wet. 

She stared at him, not knowing what the sudden warmness in her chest meant. 

Rey finally gave him a small nod as more tears fell down her cheeks. 

“Good. I must go now. I still plan to leave my office empty for you.”  

He nodded at her and began making his way out the door. 

“Wait!”  

He stopped by the door. 

She didn’t know what to say at that moment. 

A thank you should be customary on such occasions. But instead, she said something that she was afraid to say.  

And yet there was nothing more that she wanted to express to him.  

“You don’t have to leave the office empty for me. The table has enough space for me to work on the survey and for you to work on your papers.”  

What she wanted was to see him up close more often, rather than from afar in the forest. 

Rey wondered if he would give that to her. 

Captain Solo looked at her one more time and  his gentle expression confused her. 

But as she thought that he was about to step out and leave her alone, three quiet words reached her ears. 

“As you wish.”  

Chapter Text

The Newspaper

December 24^th, 1948 

An Unknown Village, 

Siberia 

It took her five days to get used to seeing him once again. 

And it wasn’t from a large distance anymore - a dark silhouette roaming around in an endless Siberian forest, but from a close proximity as he sat behind his desk with a book in his hand and calm expression on his face. 

Sometimes he would lightly pout his lips and other times a ghost of a smile would appear on his face as his mind fell deep into his book.  

He never filled in papers or did any other clerical work that a man with his duties would perform. 

Reading was all he did when she was there.  

He would just sit with his legs crossed, a book in his hand, completely ignoring the fact that there was a skinny girl with green eyes and two messy braids staring at him, struggling to keep her eyes away from the captain and on the survey that was in front of her. 

She liked how strands of hair fell on his forehead and cheeks, how his black hair framed his pale long face and how the moles and freckles looked like black ink that was accidentally splashed on a white canvas in the most beautiful and fitting way. 

But the captain never looked at her. In fact, Rey even began thinking that he didn’t even notice that she was there to begin with. That’s how focused he was on his reading. 

Her eyes would go back and forward from him and the survey in front of her, especially when she heard the noise of a turning page. 

And she did not like that. 

She did not like being unseen by him. 

It was true that her wish to see him more often did come true, but being completely ignored by him was not something she anticipated, nor wanted. 

Weeks earlier, when she first marched into his office with a knife tucked into her pockets, Rey was ready to aim for a kill if necessary. 

But now, attacking him seemed so far from reality, because her scale of reasoning was tipped. 

It was tipped by her father's watch that came back to her because of the captain. 

Now not only did she want to be in his presence, she wanted talk to him, to know more about him. 

She wanted to ask him how he got her watch back. And what it cost him to get it for her. 

Rey had so many questions for him. Like what his name was. Or how old he was. 

Or what he was reading. 

“What are you reading?” 

He lifts up the book to show her the back of it. 

Rey scrunches up her face. 

“Right. I... Uh, is it interesting?” 

“Yes, I would say it is. Although, descriptions are quite long and rather... elaborate.” 

“Is that a bad thing?” 

“No, I suppose it is not. Is your work going well?” 

“I, uh...” She looked at the land survey, half inked and half still with pencil marks. “Yes, it is. Although, it’s probably not as interesting as your book.” 

“I can lend it to you if you want.” 

“Oh.” 

He finally raised his head and looked at her. 

She felt heat rise in her cheeks, so she clarified. 

“I meant that I wasn’t really expecting you to say that. With the lending, you know.” 

“And why is that?” 

She felt a bit dumbfounded when he asked for clarification. The answer seemed rather obvious as to why, but she said it anyway. 

“Well, I am an exile - a convicted criminal, and you are a soldier, tasked to make sure that we’re here doing our jobs, and whatever else that you do. The gap between our... occupations makes it difficult for me to imagine any type of acquittance between us, where items get generously lent.” 

“Is that how see it, that you and other people that were brought here are criminals?” 

“We were brought here under sentences.” 

“Yes, I can read papers. But that is not what I am asking of you.” 

She stopped a few seconds before adding: 

“Is this a test?” 

“It is not. It is a simple question. You can answer it freely.” 

“I’m not sure if speaking freely is an option for someone like me. Or others. Words can have serious consequences, criminal or not.” 

His eyes fell somewhere in the room. His gaze seemed far away like Rey’s words sent him somewhere cold and serious in his head. 

The captain exhaled, closed his book and stood. 

He walked around the table and placed it right in front of Rey. 

Confused, she watched as he went around the table and sat back on his chair. 

“I want you to know that as long as you are with me you are always permitted to talk freely. No consequence will come from it. But only when you are with me. Do you understand?” 

Rey nodded to the captain, her expression serious, like she was a soldier absorbing serious battle tactics. 

“I understand.” 

“Good. Now, let’s do this again, do you see the people that were brought here with you as criminals?” 

“I cannot answer that about others who live in different houses, but no, we are not criminals. Every person in my house was brought here against their will or under made-up sentences.” 

To her complete surprise, he smiled, like he was pleased with her answer. 

“And you?” 

“Me?” 

“Do you see yourself as a criminal?” 

“I...” Rey did not know what her papers said. She remembered her sentence being read out loud ‘You are charged with theft and criminal behavior directed against The Working People’s Union’, was what the soldier who sentenced her said. But that could mean many things. She didn’t know if the words ‘food theft’ were added to her file. 

The fact was that Rey did not see herself as a criminal. Stealing food was a form of punishable crime, but the fact was that she did not do it out of malice. Rey stole in order to survive. Because she wanted to live another day, to see the bright sunrise in the East and set in the West one more time. And to her, the actions she committed did not make her a criminal. 

“No, I do not.” 

“Then I can lend you my book and you can give it back to me when you’re done reading it.” 

“Oh.. Um...” 

He cocked his head, confused by her hesitation. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know how to read.” 

His eyes widened in surprise, an expression completely new to her, coming from him. 

“You don’t know how to read?” 

“No, I know how to read, but I don’t know the alphabet.” 

“But you speak fluently.” 

She sighed. 

“I was taught how to speak in your language, but I was never taught how to read it. So, the book won’t be necessary. Besides. I don’t have a lot of free time to read.” 

“I’ll teach you, then.” 

“Teach me?” 

“Yes, I’ll teach you the alphabet and how to read and write in it.” 

“I... Isn’t that a little absurd?” 

“The only thing absurd is that you were never taught how to read. It seems so bizarre that you speak so well but have no alphabetical knowledge. Tell you what, when you’re done with the land survey, continue coming in as usual and I’ll teach you how to read and write in cursive. I’ll have Phasma count it as work, so you will be paid with food for it.” 

It felt like it was a little too good to be true. But declining such a generous offer was not an option. An additional 3 kilograms of wheat was essential for their survival and if she could continue getting additional wheat and snacks for a while longer maybe they would all survive this harsh winter. 

“I would love that, thank you. Your generosity has been appreciated.” 

He pressed his lips together and looked deeply into her eyes.  

They shared a similar moment when she first came into his office and they sat in silence exchanging gazes, rather than words. 

But this time, it was different. Because the fact was that Renata Solana was not only not afraid of the captain anymore, but she also began slowly trusting him.  

A prospect that seemed impossible just a week ago. 

“And I want you to know that you are not the only one who finds this government... unkind. It is cruel to those who do not agree with it, who do not follow it and to those who the system does not like. But it is also cruel to those who are devoted to it, but end up taking one wrong step. And as a consequence, you pay the biggest price possible for something that could have been easily pardoned.” His words stopped in his throat for a little while before he finally added. “You’re allowed to hate it. You’re allowed to despise it as much as any person who was submitted to a cruel reality as a punishment. But only do it with me.”  

She wanted to ask more questions. She wanted further elaboration. 

Rey could feel that those words came from a place of understanding. Relating even, perhaps. 

The words he was saying were treasonous because the fact was that no one was able to criticize the system and not get punished for it. But here he was doing it.  

She could easily tell that to someone higher up and have him punished. 

But she wouldn’t. 

Because the fact was that he trusted her with something that could ruin his life if the wrong person got their hands on what he just expressed to her in confidence. 

Maybe this was another reason for Rey to start trusting the man in front of her even more. 

But there was another much bigger question that just got raised. 

What happened to him?, she asked herself. 

Before she could even ask for some answers, a loud female scream came from the outside. 

“What the?-” 

The captain stood in quick motion and went straight to the window. 

She could see from the side how his eyes widened and how quickly he went to his wardrobe, grabbing his winter coat. 

“Stay here.” 

Rey watched as he ran outside into the cold winter night. 

She stood up and looked outside the window, where the screams continued blending with the slight wind outside. 

One glance through the window and she knew that something bad was about to happen. 

She grabbed her mother’s coat and ran outside. 

... 

“Please, it was a mistake! It is not what you think it is!” 

“Are you saying that I saw the wrong thing!” 

“No! I am saying that I did not notice it! I had no ill intentions, it was a mistake that I deeply regret, please! I have a small child that needs her mother, why on earth would I risk doing something like that! Please, Captain Solo, you must believe me.” 

A local woman was pleading her case, with tears in her eyes and hands that were shaking not from the cold, but rather from terror. 

Paige Tico. 

She was Rose’s older sister. She was slightly taller than her younger sister and her face was a bit longer.  

Paige was an elementary school teacher, who taught third graders math, history and grammar. Rey knew that her boyfriend never came back from the war and they never got to get married, leaving Paige and her four-year-old daughter to be raised by her mother, grandfather and aunt. 

Rey did not know Paige well, but she knew that whatever she was being accused of it couldn’t have been true. 

“I saw her do it! I saw her with my own two eyes. This cannot be ignored!” 

“What were you doing in an elementary school at such a late hour?” The captain asked the accuser calmly. 

“I was bringing in firewood for the school, like I do every evening.” 

“Lies! This man only comes to the school whenever he feels like harassing me!” 

“You stupid bitch, how dare you accuse me!” 

The man launched forward at Paige, but the captain quickly grabbed him by the hand and stopped him. 

“How dare you touch me!” 

He pulled his hand and took a few steps away from the captain and Paige. 

“You must do something about this. You cannot ignore it. She must be punished! Arrest her, now!” 

“Please, Captain Solo! I beg you not to make a report! This was a mistake! It will not happen again!” 

Rey came closer to the three people who stood feet deep in the snow. Snowflakes fell slowly on their heads, completely opposite to the turbulence that was being caused by the accuser and the accused. 

The captain closed his eyes, his hands were folded into tight fists. 

It was clear that he was put in a tight spot and forced to make a difficult decision. A decision that would not only affect the accused woman but also her family. Her daughter. 

“I will not arrest her, nor make a report on her. Paige clearly made a mistake, and I will not be punishing her for that.” 

“What! You fucking traitor!” 

“Shut your mouth!” He raised his voice in a way Rey had never heard before. It was so strong and it frightened Rey. “I make the decisions here, not you. And if you dare insult me one more time you will be the one arrested next time. Am I clear?” 

“Solo-!” 

“I said, am I clear!?” 

He repeated once again, this more challenging and more aggressive. 

And then it hit her. 

He was one of Plutt’s men. 

And this was most likely planned. 

Plutt’s cruelty was not only limited to him. It was extended to whoever benefited from their friendship. 

This wasn’t just a plea for some skewed justice, but rather an attempt to get rid of someone. 

A frightening chill went down her spine. 

“You- You will pay for this! This will not be forgotten!” He pointed a finger at the captain. He turned his gaze to Paige, furry blinding his black eyes. “You and your family will pay for this. Mock my word!” 

The man swiftly disappeared into the darkness of the night, taking large steps that were fueled by anger. 

Paige came closer to the captain. Rey saw tears in her dark eyes. 

“I’m sorry, this was all just a mistake.” 

“It’s okay Paige. Nothing will happen to you. Just go home to your family, okay?” 

“I...” the woman choked out of fear. “Thank you for defending me. Thank you!” tears rolled down her cheeks, as she said those words. 

She looked at Rey for the very first time and made her way home. 

“What just happened here?” 

“I told you to stay inside.”  

“That was one of Plutt’s men.” 

“I know.” 

She chewed on her cracked lip, peeling the dead skin off in a swift motion. 

“What did Paige do?” 

He didn’t answer her. 

Captain Solo, a man who held a highest authority position in the village, seemed rather shaken by what just happened. 

“Let’s go.” 

“Where?” 

“Grab your work coat and the book from my office. I’ll walk you home.” 

“But I still need to do some work on the survey and why would you walk me home?” 

He took a few steps towards her, standing right in front of her. 

“From now on I don’t want you walking alone in the dark. I’ll pick you up myself at 7 pm sharp from the forest and on days when I can’t walk you back home, have one of your people pick you up.” 

Something in her chest fluttered. 

She felt warmness in her chest that seemed impossible to feel on the cold winter night. 

“Why all of a sudden you’re being so protective?” 

The captain seemed rather surprised by her directness and for some reason she liked having the power to surprise him. 

“It’s Christmas Eve. You should be home with your people, your grandfather, preparing for the celebration.” 

“But it’s Saturday tomorrow, a work day.” 

The captain shook his head. 

“Plutt won’t come tomorrow. None of you will be losing any food for tomorrow or Sunday, I made sure of it.” 

For some reason hearing him say those words made her feel even more emotional. 

She rubbed her cold hands together, in effort to feel some warmth in her limbs, as the warmness radiating in her chest did not reach her hands. 

She only heard a quiet ‘Let’s get you home’. 

The captain and the exile said no more words to each other. 

They just walked back side by side in complete silence. 

Just snowflakes slowly falling on their heads. 

But before they reached her house and before he quietly wished her goodnight, she asked him what was the name of the book that he gave her. 

‘Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky’, he said. 

- 

The four beds that Kenobi made were not the only furniture pieces that he crafted for the house. 

A week before Christmas, Kenobi got permission from the captain to take some large wood planks and carve a table and eleven chairs for each person who lived in the house.  

The large size of the table was almost laughable – it was clearly made to have enough space for everyone to sit around, but the lack of any food to put on top made it look even larger and emptier.  

And they did not have many dishes to be placed on top of it, despite it being Christmas – a day when at least twelve dishes should be on the table. 

Before the war, Rey’s parents would prepare three types of fishes, chicken, beef cutlets, salads, bread, kompot, and other dishes that barely could fit on the table. 

And now, the table that was in front of her was practically empty. 

There were only 2 dishes that the exiles got to enjoy – bread that was baked by Jyn and Cassandra, and a piece of dried rabbit that Kenobi somehow managed to get from one of the locals. 

She’d never seen such a scarce Christmas table before, not even during those years when she was a lonely orphan. 

It was utterly upsetting. 

Rey chewed on a piece of bread that was slowly having less and less flavor with each baking batch. The small bag of salt that Jyn and Cassian brought to Siberia was almost empty, and the dough that they baked became progressively more and more unseasoned. 

Sugar was another thing that Rey missed greatly. She couldn’t remember the last time she actually tasted anything sweet. To this day, she was yet to taste any of the fruits or biscuits that the captain left her. 

She really needed to ask him about the town that was not too far from her village and if there was a market that she could visit. Maybe buying things was not realistic, but exchanging some items would be plausible. 

The realities of Siberia made Rey appreciate every grain of wheat and salt. Normal foods like milk, eggs and vegetables became a luxury. Something so far from reality that even thinking about it caused pain in her stomach. 

It also made her feel more like an animal – a tiny mouse, picking up every last crumb that was too precious to be wasted, to fill her empty stomach just a tiny bit more. 

And it was only a matter of time until the exiles began to steal food in order to survive. 

She swallowed the small piece of bread, and bit into the dried rabbit meat, enjoying the salty taste and the dry texture. 

Rey closed her eyes and released a quiet moan. 

The fact was that they should consider themselves lucky that they have anything to put on the table in the first place. 

Rey wondered if other exiles even had anything to put in their stomachs today. Or if they had anything to resemble Christmas. 

Upon Mary’s request, Poe cut down a small pinecone tree and brought it back home.  

Kiera and Jon had it decorated with white ribbons that were made from pieces of linen cloth that were cut into stripes and tied into ribbons. Mary must have really wanted her kids to have as normal a Christmas as possible to allow the precious materials to be shredded for something so temporary as a Christmas tree decoration. 

It was happiness, Rey figured.  

The happiness and joy that Mary’s children made a full recovery from a disease that very much could have taken the lives of their kids. 

But instead of showing any signs of lingering weakness from the cruel disease, Kiera was impatiently wiggling in a chair that was too short for her, whilst the adults in the house were making a prayer. 

Rey completely forgot that the prayer came first, and food later. She stood from her chair awkwardly as Caroline stared daggers at her before starting. 

She felt a tiny bit of shame. 

“Our Father, Who is in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven...” 

Rey zoned out listening to prayer being recited by Caroline. 

Her mind was not exactly present at the table.  

Half of it was in her parent's house.  

She wondered if it was still intact and if nothing had been stolen. If the key that she used to hide in a safe spot in the yard instead of carrying it with her was still there. She also wondered if she would ever be able to celebrate another Christmas in that house. 

Or she would never see it again in her life. 

The other half of her mind was in the captain's office.  

She wondered what he was doing that day. If he celebrated Christmas today, or if he was Orthodox Christian and he celebrated Christmas at the beginning of January. 

Or maybe he did not celebrate any religious celebrations, as religion was technically not allowed to be practised and atheism was pushed on everyone. 

Rey heard of priests in her country being forced to give up on the roles that they chose after hearing a call from God.  

A lot of them were either killed or disappeared completely in 1941, as they were considered scholars who posed a threat to the new government that came with the occupation of her country. 

Technically, even the prayer that was being recited by Caroline was not allowed.  

But Rey did not think that anyone would be barging in to punish them for that today. Their first Christmas in Siberia seemed peaceful. A feeling that she felt for the very first time since her arrival over a month ago. 

The firewood was burning, some candles were lit, spreading pleasant light and warmness all around their little house. 

When Caroline finished the prayer, they all sat down and began eating their bread and dried rabbit. Rey picked up the pieces she was eating before. 

The sound of people eating filled the small house and it was this moment that made Rey realize that this was the very first time they all sat down behind one table to share a meal. 

She observed each person. Her eyes switched from Cassandra to Poe, to Caroline, to Kenobi, landing finally on Jyn and Cassian. 

Jyn and Cassian were a married couple that sat side by side. Like the rest of them, the young couple was clearly affected by starvation and hard labour. The fullness in their cheeks was completely gone. Cassian was more affected by it than his wife, as his cheeks were hollow, but hidden well underneath his dark brown beard. 

They struggled greatly with work like every person in the forest. But Jyn and Cassian leaned on each other whenever survival seemed too difficult. They held each other, encouraged one another to stay strong, and they supported their beloved spouse. Rey would hear Cassian whispering words of hope to Jyn - “We’ll go home soon, darling. We just need to survive this winter and they’ll send us both home, I’m sure of it.” 

The love and unwavering compassion that the couple held for each other reminded Rey of her parents. 

Sometimes, when she looked at them, memories of her parents would rattle her bleeding heart. Especially that part where she held the little shrine of them. 

Through starvation and the gradual weakening of her body, she would quite literally see the faces of her parents in the young couple. A cruel deception of her mind. 

And other times, when her mind was clearer, Cassian and Jyn made her think how her life would have looked like if the three of them would have been exiled instead her being sent alone. A thought she pondered many times on her way to Siberia. 

Hardships would been inevitable, but having her parents with her would have made the struggle for survival much easier on her. 

“This rabbit tastes so good! I honestly forgot the taste of meant. I have no idea how you managed to get it Kenobi, but this is an incredible addition to our scarce Christmas table!” Alan said proudly, chewing with his mouth open. 

“Dear, don’t talk whilst chewing, you might choke.” His wife added. 

“I’m sorry, dear! You are right!” 

“One of the locals brought in an old accordion and asked me if I could fix it. It wasn’t even broken, just a little rusty and out of tune. So, I cleaned off the rust and tuned it as best as I could. In return, he gave me a bag of dried rabbit.” 

“Fascinating! Did you attend a musical school or a university?” Jyn asked, with a polite tone. 

“Yes. Well, kind of. I didn’t really finish it. At some point, I decided that I wanted to do something else, so I switched schools. Then some years later, I met my wife Satine and I dropped the whole thing in general.” Kenobi chewed the meat and drank some warm water. 

Rey didn’t miss how vague Kenobi was being, but asking for clarification was not necessary, as Jyn continued. 

“That is very interesting! Where did you study, if I may ask?” 

“Austria, Graz.” 

Rey’s eyes went wide when she heard those two words. 

Her eyes went immediately to Kenobi’s.  

His eyes met hers as if he was waiting for her to do that. 

“But that was long before the war. I was a young man back then.” 

“I see! I’ve been to Austria with my father, many years back. Although, we only visited Vienna.” Jyn’s soft voice filled the house. 

“Quite. I sometimes miss my time there. I miss the place it once was, I miss the architecture and mostly, I miss the friends I made there.” 

The last part that he said sounded personal. And it sounded intentional. Like he was trying to say something to Rey. 

She wanted to ask him some questions, some clarifications.  

Because the moments she heard the words ‘Austria, Graz’ something in her mind told her that perhaps Kenobi was not at all a stranger that she accidentally met on the train to Siberia. 

“I quite understand you, Kenobi. Missing places and people is a natural part of the human condition. Especially when the possibility to go there is taken away from you.” 

“Hear, hear!” The old man raised his metal mug to those words. 

“We can play a game. Each one of us has to name one thing we miss the most about home. Let’s start with Kiera.” Poe pointed a finger at the youngest member of the house. 

The tiny girl blushed and squeezed her stuffed bear. 

“Ughh... I miss... I miss.. I miss the pea garden by our house!” The tiny girl answered with a huge smile on her face. 

Everyone broke into laughter, Mary hugged and kissed her daughter on the forehead. The girl squeezed her mother in return. 

“I miss the summer rain and thunder.” John said. 

“I miss my bed.” Alan added.  

“You mean our bed.” Marry giggled and Alan squeezed his wife’s hand. 

“I miss the food. Especially the dumplings that my late mother would make.” Cassian added. 

“I miss going to church every Sunday.” Caroline boldly added, her eyes sharply landing on her grandson. 

“Well, I don’t miss being dragged to church!” Another wave of laughter rolled through the table all thanks to Poe. Rey didn’t miss Cassandra’s distant expression. 

“What do you miss, Cassandra?” She gently asked the woman. 

For a moment Cassandra looked surprised that someone even asked her a question. 

She put the dried piece of rabbit on the table and sat in silence for a brief moment, before answering. 

“I miss my husband.” 

“I miss him too.” Poe said quietly. 

Everyone at the table nodded, remembering every single loved one that they lost or hope to see again. 

“I miss my father.” Jyn added. 

“I miss my son, my daughter-in-law and my granddaughter.” 

Everyone nodded lightly, deep into thought. 

And as that somber moment passed, all of their eyes landed on Rey. 

Rey thought for a moment of what she missed the most. 

The first thing that came into her mind was her parents, as there wasn’t a day in her life when she didn’t feel the ache in her chest for them. 

But her parents were gone permanently. And unlike the others who didn’t know if their loved ones were still alive, or where they were at this very moment, Rey knew exactly where her parent’s final resting place was. 

She still remembers how dirty her hands were from the soil that blanketed her parent's bodies. 

Soil. 

“I miss the land. I miss the air, I miss the sea, I miss the soil. I miss the land of my ancestors. I miss home.” 

Not long into the Christmas evening, it became quite clear that dried rabbit was not the only thing that Kenobi got from fixing the accordion. 

A small bottle of vodka was opened at the table.  

Cassian, Kenobi, Caroline and Alan took a shot of the bitter drink and finally Poe, with his mother's permission, leaving the rest of the bottle for any wounds if disinfecting would become necessary. 

They raised their metal mugs with small amounts of vodka, wishing everyone health and strength, as they drank the nasty drink. 

Kenobi also pulled out a violin out of his suitcase. Rey couldn’t believe that instead of bringing any essentials for his survival Kenobi decided to bring a violin to Siberia. 

“It is essential to my soul, sweet child.” He said. 

Kenobi played the violin and everyone around the table sang songs that were as familiar as their mother tongue. 

They sang songs about summer, about the forests, about lovers and about home. 

The table was eventually moved by the wall and the small space in their home was turned into a dance floor. 

Cassian danced with his wife, Mary and Alan danced with each other and with one of their kids and Poe invited his mother to dance, as Kenobi continued to play tunes on his violin. 

Rey and Caroline were the only ones that chose to sit out the dances. 

Her green eyes drifted from the happy people who danced like war and exile never happened, to Caroline who was already staring at her. 

It was clear that she was weakened after one dance with her grandson, who reluctantly pushed his grandmother for a dance. 

She was staring at Rey with those big brown eyes, expression not readable. 

It was miles better than the angry attitude she normally held on Rey. 

Rey waited for her to say something. Maybe Christmas was the perfect time to finally make peace with the older woman. 

But not a single word left her mouth. 

Caroline only moved closer to Rey and squeezed her bony hand, which was covered in small blisters and bruises. 

The rest of the night went by so fast. 

It was a blur of dancing and singing people. 

A blur of joy that she felt for the very first time since before the death of her parents. 

- 

On the last day of 1948, Rey finished adding the final lines on the land survey.  

She held the finished copy in her hands, ad....miring how well she was able to do her task, despite having issues with her hands. 

In a span of several weeks, Rey was able to produce an almost perfect copy. 

The original deadline was a week ago. But after the incident with the watch and Rey’s inability to work every day in his office, the captain had the deadline extended. 

He did it so easily and without even batting an eye, that it made Rey suspect that maybe there wasn’t a real deadline. 

She didn’t question it. 

Rey passed the large piece of white paper from her hands into his, as they stood side by side. He looked at it, scanning the sheet that showed all the of the surrounding villages that were wrapped around newly added piece of land for the collective to farm. 

She could see some minor imperfections and some lines that were slightly shaky. But those mistakes were only visible to her eyes. 

“You’ve done a fantastic job. I really can’t tell the difference between the original and your copy.” 

She smiled to herself. 

“I can see the little imperfections in a few spots. But maybe they’re only for my eyes to see.” 

“Oh?” 

“You know that saying that artists are always their own biggest critics? I find a lot of truth in it.” 

A smile of familiarity appeared on his face as she said those words.  

“I quite relate with that sentiment. Nonetheless, you did a really great job. Thank you.” 

She raised her head as those two soft-spoken words left his mouth. There was a rare softness in his face, completely unfit for a soldier, but suitable for a man who understood arts. 

‘I quite agree with the sentiment’, it made her wonder if Captain Solo was a man of arts himself. 

“Now, because we agreed that I will teach you the alphabet, your visits here will continue under the same payment as the weeks before. If you’d like that, of course. But...” 

He took the land survey that Rey made and gently rolled it up, putting it in the metal filling cabinet.  

“When I first commissioned you, I promised a payment of money. That payment would be 500 rubles. But now I want to give you something else. Well.. Two things, actually.” 

Rey’s eyes went wide. 

500 rubles? 

“I can still pay you the sum if you want. However, the value of the ruble keeps fluctuating, as post-war currency is often unstable. One day you can get a lot for that amount of money, and the other you can use the banknotes as wallpaper for your walls.” 

“What are you offering me in place of money?” 

“Sit.” He stretched out his hand. 

He went to his desk, opened a drawer and took out the same wooden box where he kept all of his stationary that she used for the map. And he also pulled out a small round cotton bag.  

Rey sat on the opposite side of the table, watching his every move. 

Upon closer inspection, she realized that the captain actually held a handkerchief that had its four edges tied into one secure knot. 

She stretched out her bare, thinking that he was going to place the handkerchief in her hand. But instead, as soon as his eyes landed on her palm, he took her hand into his. 

His hand was much warmer than hers and Rey couldn’t help but miss how the captain took his time observing her work-worn hand.  

She allowed him to have that moment. 

He placed the little round bag on the table and with his other hand he stroked the small bruises and blisters that covered her cold hands. 

“Work has been unkind to you.” His fingers traced over a particularly painful bruise, which made her flinch a little. “I’m saddened to see that such talented hands are suffering so much.” 

Unexpected warmness went to cheeks. 

“I uh.. I’m just an armature artist. And work has been unkind to all of us. But these are just wounds that should heal with time. I’m not sure about the... wounds on the soul. If you understand what I mean.” She added, thinking that her translation might be off. 

“I think I do. The past decade has been... horrific. Have you shown Maz your hands?” 

She laughed. 

“No, of course not. They’re just minor inflictions and her help does not come without a payment.” 

He nodded. 

“Well, I’m sure with this-” He placed her hand on the cold surface of the table and pushed the little makeshift bag towards her. “This should certainly buy you anything you need for the time. But I recommend not telling anyone that you have it and possibly hiding it somewhere secure.” 

Rey took the bag that sat in front of her.  

It had some weight to it, which confused her even more about what the mysterious valuable could be inside. 

She knew for sure that it wasn’t a ring or a different piece of jewelry but it was most certainly something made from metal. 

“And now for the second thing that I want you to have.” 

He pushed the beautiful wooden box towards her. 

“I think you should have it. A late Christmas gift, if you may.” 

She placed the handkerchief on the table and stroked the carved top of the wooden box with her hand. 

“But why?” 

“Why what?” 

“Why do you want me to have it? I don’t understand.” Words came out a little meekly. 

“All this beautiful stationery is sitting in my drawer, gathering dust. And it should be used by an artist. Someone who is as brilliant as you.” 

“I just drew something for you. That’s all.” She whispered. Almost to herself. 

Their eyes met. 

“You did more than just a drawing. You might not see it yet.” 

She wondered what he hid behind those words.  

In the passing days, the mystery that was this quiet and surprisingly warm man named Captain Solo grew bigger and bigger. 

Except, that wasn’t his full name. 

Rey did not know what exactly he hid behind those dark eyes of his, that always seemed to a pull for her green ones. 

But maybe there was one mystery that she could uncover today. 

“What is your name, Captain Solo?” 

He smiled. Like he was pleased to hear the question. 

“Benjamin Solo. Ben to most.” 

Ben. 

“Happy New Year's, Captain Benjamin Solo.”  

“Happy New Year, R-” 

Before he could finish the sentence. 

Before he finally said her name out loud, Rey’s name died somewhere in his mouth as the door behind her swung open. 

“Solo!” 

Armitage Hux fell through the door in a swift motion. 

His ginger hair fell on his face and his usual body language that usually radiated smugness and confidence was nowhere to be seen. 

The only thing that Rey saw was fear and terror in his face that bled on her own emotional palette. 

“Solo... Snoke.” 

“Snoke?” The captain repeated in a questioning tone. 

“He’s coming...’’ He finally ran a hand through his red hair that fell on his eyes. “He’s coming for Paige. And possibly you.” 

To say that her ears started to ring, would be an understatement. 

The fear that Rey felt when heard that name made so little sense, that it both petrified and confused her. 

Snoke was just a name. 

The name of a soldier who was so high in the military, that he had the power to break anyone’s life. Including the captains. 

Maybe that was the exact thing that scared her. 

Alexander Snoke had the ability to not only destroy the lives of exiles and locals, but he also very much was able to get rid of someone higher up in the military. Someone who sat at the highest position in this tiny hierarchy of the small village. 

Someone who was protecting an alleged criminal. 

Her head snapped back to the captain. 

His face was serious when he gave one quick look of calmness that was about to disappear. 

Rey watched as he got up from his chair. 

“Take the box and the handkerchief.” 

She placed the handkerchief into her pocket and took the box with the stationary in one hand. 

The captain began putting on his winter clothes and Rey watched in silence. She watched as his broad shoulders bent a little as he was putting on his thick military winter coat. 

And she did not miss how he pulled out a leather holster that had a pistol gun strapped into it. 

This was the first time when she saw him with an actual gun in his hands.  

No words needed to be relayed between any of them, because in what was about to go down, would either ruin or end one of their lives. 

Rey put on her coats and followed the two men out of the door. 

In the darkness of the concrete hallway, her thoughts and emotions drifted so far away in disassociation that she almost missed the fact that Captain Solo was gripping her hand as the three of them made their way outside. 

- 

Fat snowflakes fell from the sky, adding another new layer of snow to a white blanket that never seemed to melt. The wind was harsh and hostile, but not a blizzard yet. 

For the past few days, the snowing suddenly stopped, making the sky unusually clear. And it seemed that the sudden harsh weather was not only bringing a new struggle to the villagers. 

Two military jeeps pulled up right in front of the brick building. Several men dressed in military uniforms got out of the trucks in swift motion. 

Rey heard the rough sound of car doors slamming and men yelling something that she couldn’t hear clearly. 

“Who is picking you up today?” 

“My grandfather. But he shouldn’t come for another ten minutes.” 

“Let’s hope he’s here already because I don’t want you to be here when Snoke comes. Hux, can you walk her home if her grandfather isn’t here?” 

“If Snoke is here to persecute my girlfriend's sister don’t you think I should be here? And I hope you’ll be defending her sister, Solo.” 

“So, Rose is your girlfriend?” He said in a nervous and a little sheepish tone. 

“Wait! What is happening? What did Paige do that’s so awful?” 

“I’m not going to explain my relationship to you! Just please don’t testify against her.” 

“You know I won’t, Hux.” 

The three of them finally made it outside into the snow and darkness. 

Snoke was already standing outside with his men, standing right next to him. 

Kenobi awkwardly stood by the exit door. He looked like he didn’t whether he should stay or run before he could get into trouble. 

“Renata!” 

“Grandfather!” She lied. 

“Please take her home. It’s unsafe for you both to be here. I’ll handle this.” 

“I understand. Let’s go child, quickly.” 

The captain finally let go of her hand, passing it into Kenobi’s protection, like a prized possession that needed to be smuggled out in order to be protected. 

“What’s going to happen?” She asked the captain, weakly. 

“I’m not sure. But nothing good. I don’t want either of you to be here or the two of you might get pulled into this.” 

Snoke finally took a few steps forward towards the captain and Hux. 

The massive gash across his face looked even more deformed than she last remembered it. 

“Captain Benjamin Solo, do come here. We have so many things to talk about!” Snoke expressed with a smug smile. 

It made Rey’s body shiver in fear. 

As Kenobi and Rey started walking home, the captain and Armitage got closer to the men. But as soon as they started making their way home, Rey saw as two other men in uniforms were walking towards the commotion, emerging from the darkness like ghosts. 

She watched in terror as horrific screams became louder and louder as the three silhouettes came out of the darkness, walking right past them like they weren’t even there. Two military men dragged a woman, grabbing her shoulders as her feet dragged over snow. Right behind them, Paige and her father were screaming and pleading to let go of her. 

Kenobi and Rey both stopped in their tracks, watching how the five people walk past them like they weren’t even there. 

The shouts and the noises that were coming from Paige were so loud that not even Siberian wind was able to conceal the horrific fear that Paige felt. 

“Major General, we searched their house and found nothing incriminating.” 

“I see. Unkar Plutt!” Snoke called Plutt aggressively, like he was a hated dog, rather than a person. “One of your men made a rather big claim about this woman and the captain's passiveness to a political enemy that unveiled themself.” 

Plutt came forward from the darkness of the night, in small and frumpy steps. Right next to him stood a local man who was a head taller than him. 

It was the same man that accused Paige all those days ago. 

“I trust my man. He is an honest and hardworking man that works harder than anyone and loves our dear leader as much as any other hard-working that blessed to be born in The Working Peoples Union. The accusation that he made is factual. In fact, I was there when it happened.” 

“You’re a liar!” Paige and Rose’s father screamed in anger. “You’re a liar that steals from everyone here! You and your dog-” He pointed a finger at the man who accused his daughter. "You accuse my daughter of something horrible just to get rid of my family. You want to get rid of us, just like you got rid of my brother!” 

“Captain Solo!” Snoke yelled, ignoring the older man who was defending his daughters. “I want some clarifications. Did this man-” Snoke pointed a finger at Plutt’s man “come accusing Paige Tico of crimes directed against our Dear Leader? Yes, or no?” 

“Yes.” 

“Is it true that you ignored the accusation by dismissing the accuser?” 

“Yes.” 

“Is it true that you didn’t even write up an incident report, that was supposed to be sent to The Capital, for further evaluation?” 

“Yes.” 

Snoke laughed, clearly pleased to hear the information. 

“It seems to me that you, Captain Solo, are also committing serious crimes against The Working People’s Union by protecting political criminals. It looks like the criminal accused might not be the only one getting arrested today." 

Rey’s mind went blank when she heard those words. 

No. 

Please don’t take him. 

But the captain did not even flinch.  

He stood as broad and stable as the trees that she spent her days cutting down. 

“The crime that Paige Tico is being accused of is ridiculous. It is a crime that anyone could claim on one another, with no possibility to prove it happened.” Captain Solo took a few confident steps towards Snoke and his men. “In fact, I was in your office not that long ago and I could have very much written a report to The Capital that Major General Alexander Soke placed a newspaper with the face of our Dear Leader on the floor, signalling his hatred and incompetence that he felt towards The Working People’s Union and our Dear Leader. And how would prove yourself not guilty then, Major General?” 

Snoke’s eyes went wide with rage. 

Even Hux seemed scared about what was about to happen. 

But there was one part that Rey did not miss. 

The part that brought more fear on top of what she was feeling at this very moment. 

Paige Tico placed a newspaper with the face of the Dear Leader on the floor. 

“That was her crime? A newspaper on the floor? How is that even a crime?” Rey said weakly, her voice shaking. 

“The newspaper had the face of the Dear Leader and by her putting his face on the floor she was not only disrespecting him, but also implying that she was above him. And according to them, it is a serious crime to disrespect him like that.” 

“What? But that’s crazy! 

“It sure as hell is. We must go home now, Renata.” 

Kenobi answered, unexpectedly. 

He grabbed Rey’s hands, urging her to go home, but she resisted. 

“No. I have to see the ending of this.” 

“Child, you are being irrational!” 

She needed to see what was going to happen. 

Snoke swiftly pulled out a pistol out of his leather holster and pointed the gun at the captain. 

Rose and Paige released a scream, thinking that he was going to fire. 

Rey felt like her whole energy was drained out of her body. 

She couldn’t look. 

She couldn’t see the captain being murdered in the same way her parents were. 

It was too painful.  

Too traumatizing. 

But Snoke didn’t fire. 

He just took a few steps closer to the captain, stopping when his gun finally reached the Captains chest. 

Captain Solo just stood, unmoved. Like he was waiting for Snoke to do something irrational. 

“Don’t fuck with me, boy. You know very well why you were sent here to Siberia and what crimes you must repent for.”  

“Yes, I do. But sending someone on a path of cruelty and unknowingness without much reason is not going to help me find my path towards... redemption. And I refuse to destroy the lives of others over empty accusations.” 

“Is that so? If you’re so honest and kind to others, then answer me this.” 

His face stayed solid and completely unmoved by the gun that was rammed into his chest. Right where his beating heart was. 

Rey placed her empty hand on her chest, right where her heart was. 

Right now, Rey’s bleeding heart was not only beating for the sake of keeping her alive. 

It was beating for the two of them. 

“Did Paige Tico confirm that this did happen?” 

Everyone went still. 

The only thing that could be heard was the hostile wind. 

Snoke and Ben stared at each other and the eye of Snoke’s gun stared at Ben’s heart that tucked deeply underneath all the layers of clothes, his flesh and bone. 

Where it sat safely. 

Where it was beating and keeping him alive. 

It all came down to this very moment. 

Where a yes or a no answer could permanently stop his life with a piercing bullet that sat in the bullet magazine, less than 25 centimetres away from his beating heart. 

And there was no more space left for lying. 

It was clear that Snoke knew of Paige’s accidental confession to the captain. 

“Is it a yes or a no, Captain Solo?” He pushed the gun deeper into his chest. “Answer me.” 

Rey looked at Rose and her father. 

And then finally she looked at Paige, whose devastation signalled that was all over. 

She only cried softly and mumbled 

“My child. My sweet daughter.” 

Captain Solo closed his eyes, answering to the cries of the young woman. 

“Yes.” 

Snoke removed the gun from the captain's chest and placed it back in its holster. 

“Men, arrest the criminal. She will be trialled and charged for her crimes. And you-” Snoke pointed a finger where the gun was just moments before. "If you disobey and do something else to shelter these criminals, you will be the next one to face persecution. Just like your father.” 

In the darkness of the night, it was not possible to miss the captain's eyes going wide. 

How his body started to shake in fury. 

How fast he lost his composure when the words ‘your father’ got said out loud by Snoke. 

The soldiers began forcing Paige into the military jeep. 

But not before the captain yelled at them, ordering them to let go of the woman so that she could say goodbye to her loved ones. 

Snoke allowed it. 

Rey watched Paige cry and her father squeezed his daughter as hard as possible. Now wanting to let go of his first-born child into unknowingness. 

Rey heard them exchange words in a language that only the locals knew. And she didn’t miss how Paige Tico didn’t get to say goodbye to her small daughter. 

It made her heart ache. 

And not shortly after, Snoke left with all his men and Paige in the back. 

“You will pay for this, Plutt! One day you will find yourself with a bullet in your fat body and rivers of blood gushing down on white snow for what you did to my daughter!” 

“Is that a threat?” Plutt laughed, unmoved. 

“A glimpse into your short future, mock my word!” 

Hux for the very first time tried to go towards Rose. It was clear that he wanted to comfort her but Rose just shook her head and left with her father, fat tears dripping down her face. 

- 

It was a late night and everyone was asleep. 

She could hear Kenobi’s loud snoring and Cassandra’s light breathing, as she slept right behind her.    

Rey’s eyes were wide awake because the terrors she saw that day kept her awake. 

Her mind kept going back to what happened to Paige. How the woman lost her life just because of something that was purely accidental and as far from an actual crime as possible. 

And then it drifted from Siberia right back to the Baltics. More specifically, to that soldier's office. The one who signed her deportation papers and how he told her that he was sparing her.  

For the longest time, Rey thought that he was just mocking her when saying those words. 

But maybe there was some truth in there. 

Maybe her being exiled to Siberia and not trialled and imprisoned somewhere where the human soul and body get broken without repair, was a twisted and evil way of sparing someone. 

Because what she did was a crime, even if she didn’t see it that way, given the circumstances that pushed her towards doing that. 

But in Paige’s case – there was no sanity present inside the heads of the people who went through such lengths just to punish her so greatly for something so insignificant. 

And the captain knew that. 

He understood how terrifying this regime was and how easy it was to get rid of anyone. And she saw how much he wanted to protect someone from being ripped away from their family and their child without any real crime present. 

Her heart ached for Paige. It ached for her family that she left behind and her small daughter. 

Rey closed her tired eyes and sighed. 

The images of Snoke ramming his gun into the captain's chest came to mind. She didn’t miss how calm he was. 

In contrast, when her heart was almost bursting out of her chest, his remained intact. And in that moment every single beat was for the protection of Paige and the other villagers. 

Her eyes opened, landing on the wooden box with the stationary that sat on the window sill. 

The bright moon lit up the beautifully carved box. 

She stared at it, almost mesmerized. 

And that’s when it hit her. 

She completely forgot to look inside the handkerchief that he gave her. 

Rey slowly got out of bed, moving as quietly as possible. 

The cold air hit her thighs and legs as she slept most nights with her turtleneck and socks. 

She walked towards the coat hook, where her work coat was. Her hand snaked into her pocket and pulled out the slightly heavy handkerchief. 

As she began untying it, her legs took her by the window where the wooden box was. 

And when she undid the knot and saw what was inside, the only thing she saw was red. 

Captain Benjamin Solo for drawing a single copy of a land survey gave her five gold coins. 

Chapter Text

CHAPTER VIII 

THE INTERVIEWS 

January 8^th, 1949 

An Unknown Village, 

Siberia 

“A” 

“A” 

“B” 

“B” 

“V” 

“What?” 

“V” 

She chewed her lip. 

“V” She repeated. 

“G” 

“Really?” 

“Yes.” 

“What happened to the correct alphabetical order?” 

“That is the correct order.” 

“Hm. And the next one?” 

“D” 

“There it is!” Rey smiled at him and the captain chuckled. 

They properly began their little tutorials on January eight.  

The first week of the new year proved to be rather celebratory to Plutt and his men. They drank every single day for a week, claiming that they were in need of some rest and this was the perfect time of the year for that. 

Paige’s and Rose’s father also stopped coming to work. His case was the only one that Rey could actually understand, as she heard someone saying that the man was struck with such deep depression over the loss of his oldest daughter that he became unable to get out of bed. 

So, in order to keep the work going, Rey and other exiles with some locals picked up a lot of work, and during those days she was too exhausted to actually learn anything.  

She would sit right next to the captain in his warm office, with her elbow on the desk, her cheek in her hand and pretend not to snooze whilst he explained to her the intricacies of the Cyrillic alphabet.  

After only two days of that, he just started sending her home after the first twenty minutes, telling her that he’ll start teaching her when she’s not so exhausted. 

So, every day he would come to the forest at twelve for the regular head count and then at seven, the captain would roam the forest in the dark in search of one exile named Renata Solana just to ask her if she was not too tired to learn. 

She stopped looking forward to his twelve o’clock sightings. Instead, she would eagerly await for evenings, when he came to the forest just for her.  

“Where did you get this alphabet from?” 

Instead of answering her question, to her complete surprise, the captain began to laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” She asked. 

“It’s my first-grade alphabet sheet that I was taught from.” 

She blushed and he chuckled. 

“Laugh all you want, I don’t feel so bad about it, okay? I am late to this and this is my third language and learning the alphabet just now does not make me feel bad at all, okay, even if you find it funny.” She rambled and smiled at him, brightly. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. And you are absolutely right, there is nothing wrong in learning something new later. Besides, you know more languages than I do and I’m much older than you.” 

Rey did wonder how old he was.  She estimated he would be in his late twenties or early twenties. It was hard to tell with dark facial hair and the dark under-eye bags that were often there. 

“How old are you?” She asked, silently. 

“I’m twenty-seven.” 

Ten years older than me. 

She didn’t know how to feel about the age gap. 

Ten years wasn’t the biggest gap in her books. But seventeen and twenty-seven felt like lifetimes apart.  

Rey figured that the gap that existed between those two numbers would shrink as time went by, as she has seen couples with larger age gaps happily co-exist. 

The gap between her parents was seven years. 

But right now, as she sat right next to him, it very much sank in that Rey was a scrawny teenager and he was a military man with a rank and ten years of life experience ahead of her. 

“What other language do you know?” She asked. 

“German.” 

“That’s a hard one.” 

“Perhaps. I had German lessons since I was a child and I think it’s much easier to pick up languages when you’re young.” 

“Hm, I agree.” 

“And you? What is your third language?” 

“English.” 

“Really? How did you learn that one?” 

“My mother was an English teacher before the war, so she taught me.” 

“I see.” He answered, softly. 

There was a brief silence and as he was about to continue teaching her, so she quickly asked him a question. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” 

“What happened to Paige?” 

He exhaled and looked away, his eyes landing at the door.  

The light mood that they shared was gone. 

“She was arrested and put into prison temporarily, as her case is currently being reviewed. After that, there will be a trial in which it will be decided where to send her and what punishment would fit the crime.” His large hand brushed over the alphabet sheet. “Paige’s father came into my office the very next day, asking me if I knew where she was being held. I called many captains and officers and no one was able to give me that information because at the moment that information is classified. After the trial date is set, an officer should get back to me with her location and I’ll have to testify. But for now, we just have to wait.” 

“I see.” 

He rubbed his eyes with his fingers.  

Rey watched as Ben pressed the tips of his fingers quite hard into his closed eyelids and she focused on the dark bags underneath his eyes. 

She could swear this wasn’t the first time she saw them. 

“And what about the elementary school? It lacks one teacher?” 

“Yes, the teachers are understaffed. I made a call to the district education office and asked for a teacher to be stationed here. But with the weather and the speed in which these matters are usually handled at; I’m guessing it might take weeks or even months.” 

“I see.” 

His gentle gaze landed on her again. 

It made her wonder if he knew that he held some power in those eyes. 

The power to make her heart shake from something mysterious, that could only be described as warmness. 

He brushed the paper with the alphabet with his hands and he finally broke the brief silence. 

“I have to tell you something.” 

She got nervous for a reason she did not understand. 

“What is it?” 

He briefly closed his eyes and sighed. 

“I received a box yesterday. It was supposed to come a month ago but it got severely delayed because of the weather.” 

“A box?” 

“Yes. It has brand new file forms that need to be filled in with information about every single exile that lives in this village.” 

She didn’t know what to answer to that so he added. 

“I will start conducting interviews with every person that was brought here. On top of that, a photograph will be taken that will be added to the file, and fingerprints of a few people.” 

“Pictures taken?” 

“Yes, I received a camera a few days ago from a local journalist.” 

Rey turned her head to the opposite where he was to hide the sudden anger from him. 

She closed her eyes and swallowed. 

January the fifth was a day when an unfamiliar man arrived in their village with a photo camera. He took some photos of them working in the forest and afterwards, he approached Kenobi and asked if the exiles would like to take a group picture. 

Kenobi, Damerons, Andors, Dawns and Renata were asked to stand night next to their house and a few pictures were taken of them. She could already imagine how their tired and serious faces looked on film. 

Rey had no idea who this man was, why he was here and most importantly, she wasn’t sure if they would ever see those pictures. 

The man being a journalist would explain some of it. 

But the fact was that the chances of the world finding out the cruelty that’s being conducted in Siberia are almost non-existent, so she never put any hope in that.

“And why are you telling me this? Were you planning to ask me if I would be willing to translate for you?” 

“That was the first thought that crossed my mind. But I decided to ask your grandfather if he would agree to do the translating.” 

She opened her eyes as they suddenly got wet. 

Rey couldn’t look at him. 

“And what is the purpose of those interviews? I thought all of our personal information was disclosed on those papers that were on board the train. Are you planning to send us away again?” She asked, a little bit aggressively. 

The sudden frustration was surprising to her. The uncontrolled emotion that she could never associate with the captain was for some reason crippling. 

And what she heard in his voice could be described as calm panic with a hint of surprise. 

“I am not sending anyone anywhere. The papers that everyone arrived with only have the most important information and it is my duty to fill in those gaps. It is protocol and I have to do this, even if I would rather not.” 

Rey stood from her chair walking right next to the window, her back facing him. 

The frustration that she felt was consuming because, to Rey, this felt like a betrayal. 

When she was first called into his office what Rey saw was the most uniquely beautiful man she ever saw in her life.  But that beauty was not something that could trick her, as he was a man who wore that uniform. 

The uniform that she consistently saw in the most painful moments of her entire life. 

But each time he showed care for her and each time he showed her that he was on her side, she saw that uniform less and less. 

Just a beautiful man who she began to like being with. 

A man who she wanted to spend more and more time with. 

But as she turned herself back to face him, what Rey saw was not the man she began finding space for in her heart, but an enemy soldier named Benjamin Solo who wore that dark brown uniform with stars on his epaulettes. 

The hurt was too sudden and more painful than it should have been. 

She wanted to run away and to not let him see her cry. 

“I am tired. I want to go home.” 

Rey could see some sadness hidden behind his eyes. 

It was very subtle. She figured it was the war that dulled emotions on his face. 

But Rey was an artist and she trusted her trained eye to see what was almost unnoticeable. 

“I’ll walk you home, then.” 

“No. I don’t want that.” 

She began putting on her headscarf and her coats in swift but sloppy way. 

Bundling up for the extremely cold was a meticulous task that required a lot of calculation and concentration. 

But her hands were shaking and his eyes that stayed on her were making things worse. 

Right before she left his office, her tracks were stopped by the sound of his rich voice. 

“Before you go, can I ask you a question in return?” 

She nodded, doing her best not to look at him. 

“Were you able to hide the gold in a safe place?” 

She almost forgot about the gold. 

In the darkness of the night, the sparkling gold that she held in her hands was like a heated-up metal that slowly giving circle shaped burns on her palms. 

It felt like she had to get rid of it. 

To throw it out somewhere as far away from her as possible. 

The rage and the anger that she felt came from understanding a very simple fact – the amount of gold that Captain Solo handed to her was enough to get her killed if the wrong person found out about it. 

The paranoia was so intense that vivid images of someone shooting her or strangling her in her sleep momentarily crippled her. 

So, the next day, she held that gold in her glove, and when no one was watching she ran home from the forest. With her father's knife, she checked every single floorboard to see anyone lifted. The rush and anxiety that she felt filled her blood adrenaline. She pushed and pushed her knife into every single floorboard gap until one small piece lifted. 

She hid the gold and forced herself to forget about its existence. To disassociate herself from the small treasure that was hidden underneath the house where four families of exiles lived. 

And it was easy to forget about. 

To distract herself with the captains' daily appearances in the forest. 

To look forward to spending more time with him as he taught her how to read and write. 

But as she stood in his office, and as she felt unexpected betrayal and anger towards him, the crippling fear and paranoia that came with those five gold coins fell on top of what she was feeling right now. 

A simple ‘yes’ became too difficult to say. 

So, she slammed his office door and ran home with tears that froze almost as soon as they left her eyes. 

- 

“You came home early today.” 

“Hm.” 

“Did something happen?” 

“Nope. I’m just tired.” 

“Hm.” He mocked. 

Poe and Rey sat right next to the fireplace, inspecting their bare feet in their hands. 

The winter temperatures slowly fell more and more. On average, the temperature in the morning became – 59 C. So, as the weather became almost impossible to withstand, a daily evening ritual took place – they checked their feet, hands, ears and cheeks for frostbites. 

Their late evenings were filled with tedious tasks like washing and drying by the fire their wool socks, to keep the foot as warm and dry as possible as sweaty socks didn’t warm up the foot. That would require bringing snow from the outside to be melted and heated, to then have each person's socks washed and dried. They had only several hours to have a clean pair of socks ready for the morning. Gloves also had to be washed regularly. 

And all of this was done, with the painful exhaustion that came from working for fourteen hours in freezing temperatures. 

Sometimes the moisture that gathered on the scarf was so unpleasant and Rey often times would remove it from her mouth. But as soon as she did, a freezing breath of air would hit her lungs, resulting in a coughing fit. 

The deeper they went into February and Mach, which were there coldest months in the entire year, the more weather became impossible to exist in. 

And January of 1949 had just begun. 

The temperature was bound to drop even more. 

She stroked her fingers over her toes. And with each day that she felt her fingers on her skin, a sense of relief would fill her that she survived one more day of work without having her limbs amputated. 

“You know, you never once told me a single thing about him.” 

“About who?” 

“The captain.” 

She grunted.  

“What about him?” 

“What do you mean what about him? I remember the very first he called you into his office. How we were all worried that he would do something to you. But after that one visit, you never said a thing. I waited so long for you to say something about him but you just never did. Instead, you bring gifts from him without any elaboration.” 

She felt irritated. 

“Are you trying to say something about me?” 

“No, of course not. I just hoped you would say something about him.” 

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about him.” 

“I won’t push you for it, but I swear if he laid a finger on you, I will take an axe or something and-” 

“No! Jesus, he never did anything to me! For the first week, he was never in his office and then after that, he just sat there in silence with a book in his hand. I genuinely don’t have much to say about him.” 

“Hm.” 

“What ‘Hm’?” 

“I’m not sure if I’m buying any of it.” 

“For Christ’s sake Poe, in all those weeks not once have you asked me a single question about him. And now all of a sudden you start prying.” 

“Because I think something happened today.” 

She swiftly rose from the ground. 

For all those weeks and all those long hours that she spent in the forest working, Poe Dameron has been her most consistent work companion. 

It was always Poe on the other side of that long blade, pushing and pulling a chipped blade through the neck of a tree. 

It was always Poe by her side with an axe in his hand, chopping down large pieces of wood and turning them into firewood. 

And Rey liked working beside him.

Sometimes he would say the most ridiculous and scandalous things that would make Rey feel glad that there was no one around who could understand what he was saying. Sometimes they talked about their lives in the Baltics and what they missed the most about home. 

It was nice to have someone who understood exactly what it meant to live there and what it felt like to miss home. 

Poe understood every bit of it and Rey appreciated that about him. 

But the main and most important reason why she liked working alongside Poe was the fact that he knew perfectly well when to stay silent. 

In times when the work was so hard to handle, where it felt like Rey could drop dead from exhaustion or the cold, Poe did not say a single word of encouragement. He just stayed silent and helped her physically bypicking up her load of work until she was able to pull herself back together and start working again. 

He never once said anything about it and she appreciated that immensely. 

But at this very moment, Poe was doing the opposite of that. 

He was really starting to get on her nerves. 

She paced a bit back and forward and finally stopped mid-step. 

“Are you okay, Rey?” Cassandra’s soothing voice broke the spell.  

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing put her beautiful black hair in hopes of ridding of some lice. 

But with each passing day, keeping that problem on a manageable level was becoming harder and harder. 

Everyone’s heads were becoming itchier and itchier. 

Knowing that there was something crawling around her head, drinking her blood and laying more eggs that would hatch was a lot. 

Rey knew that at some point all of them would have cut their hair off, but for now, whilst it was still possible to exist with this secret, they did nothing. 

Hair kept their heads warmer and for now, that was most important. 

Rey scratched her head and looked at Kenobi, who was baking the bread for tomorrow. 

“The village captain told me that he will begin conducting interviews with each person. He said he will be asking for personal information that will be written down and added to a file. On top of that, a picture will be taken of each of us. 

Silence fell, as Rey realized that everyone was listening to her. 

Everyone’s faces showed a personalized version of defeat. 

The serious mood stayed for a bit until Kenobi finally broke the silence. 

“Did he ask you to translate?” 

“No, he did not.” She paused, not knowing if she should say this in front of everyone, but went for it anyways. “He said he will ask you.” 

 “Will you do it?” Caroline coughed, covering her mouth with her palm that had a rosary wrapped around it. 

He stood for a second and brushed his hand over his grey beard. 

“I think I will agree. It’s hard to know what reward or consequence will come from this but maybe if I do this there might be a hidden advantage for us or something.” 

“Do you know what questions he’ll ask?” Cassian turned to Rey. 

“No, he didn’t specify. But I imagine it might be similar to the ones we got asked before deportation.” 

Confusion became quite apparent on everyone’s faces so Cassian elaborated. 

“None of us got asked anything. We were just told to pack and that we’re being deported.” 

It surprised Rey a little, but after giving some thought it the more it made sense. 

Everyone else's papers were filled in before their departures and now that everyone is stationed and working, there is some time to fill in additional personal information. 

Everything was done in such a rush that most people barely had any time to pack for Siberia, so the fact that Rey was the only one whose papers were filled in front of her, further showed how unusual her case was. 

“Do you know when he will begin?” Kenobi asked Rey. 

“He said the papers will come in tomorrow, so any day now.” 

“Right.” 

“What about the children?” Rey heard Mary’s voice from the other end of the house. She was brushing her daughter's hair. “Do you think the children will be questioned too?” 

“That would be preposterous.”  Caroline said. 

“Yes, that would be. Maybe that’s another good reason to accept his request if he asks. If I do the translations, maybe I’ll have some sort of leverage.”  

“I agree. I’m sure he’ll also offer a generous payment in return.” Rey added. 

“Did he give you anything else for the land survey? Were those additional three kilograms of wheat, together with the fruits all you got in return?” Kenobi asked, calmly. 

No one besides her and the captain knew about the gold. 

The gold that was sitting underneath a single floorboard.  

She trusted the people in her house and her choice to keep that information only to herself came from a place of deep fear and paranoia, rather than mistrust. And if someone did accidentally leak the knowledge of that gold, Rey more than likely wouldn’t be the only one who would get targeted. And she couldn’t risk that happening. 

“No, that was all I got. It was plenty since that wheat has been keeping us all alive.” 

Almost every adult in the house nodded to themselves. 

With the exception of Caroline. 

She was sitting in bed, looking weaker and frailer than ever. 

It was almost unbelievable that Caroline was still working in the forest.  Or at least pretending like she was working. 

Rey knew that Cassandra did most of the work and Caroline tried to help her daughter as much as her declining body was still able to do. 

And the two women were able to fool everyone because there wasn’t a single week where Caroline got less wheat than others. 

It made Rey wonder how exactly Plutt counts the amount of work that gets done in the forest. 

- 

Plutt came in around six in the morning, ordering everyone to go to the wood factory first before heading into the forest. 

No one knew what was going on, but it was clear from the tone of his voice that he was excited about something and knowing Plutt, it wasn’t farfetched to assume that he was about to do something bad to those who weren’t one of his dogs. 

As is working long hours in freezing temperatures and hunger that couldn’t be killed wasn’t bad enough. 

They all pushed around the building like a herd of sheep. 

The building wasn’t small, but there were around sixty people trying to form a half circle and it was taking a considerable amount of pushing around and unpleased glances. 

“What do you think he’s going to say?” 

“I don’t know, Poe, but it can’t be anything good.” 

“The captain didn’t tell you anything about this?” 

The unexpected question irritated her, but Rey answered calmly. 

“No, he did not say anything.” 

“Hm, interesting.” 

“What’s interesting?” 

“That he didn’t tell you anything. I’m sure he has shared a lot with you.” 

Rey grabbed him by the arm and yanked him to turn to her, fury in her green eyes. 

“What the hell has gotten into you? Why are you pestering me about him? Has someone told you something?” 

“I just don’t understand how you got close to him. The food, the wooden box of stationery. And whenever I ask about him you say nothing.” 

“Are you accusing me of something?” Rey asked, angrily. 

“No. On the contrary. You said in the past that he has never laid a finger on you and from what I gather, he’s actually being friendly with you. But when you came back early yesterday, I knew that something happened. And when you told us about the impending interviews it finally clicked - you left early because you felt angry at him for having to question us.” 

He saw right through her.

“What point are you trying to make?” Rey chewed on the skin of her lips. 

“Plutt is about to announce something. Something that can’t be good for us. If more hardships are about to come, is it wise to cut off the additional food supply over something that can’t be avoided?” 

“So, what are you suggesting? That I go back and tell him that everything is, okay?” 

“No. I just think the chances of us surviving this winter are very slim if they continue lowering our weekly wheat weight. And if that additional wheat gets cut off, we’re as good as dead, Rey.” 

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. 

Poe’s request wasn’t unreasonable. And in fact, it would be the smarter thing to do. 

Being considerate and smarter by keeping a good relationship between her and the captain would benefit them all. 

But she couldn’t shake off the painful feeling of betrayal. 

Even after sleeping off the previous day's emotions, she was still angry with the captain. 

Angry at him for putting her in the same situation that traumatized her terribly. 

Because the fact was that Rey had horrific dreams of the interrogation that she was put through when she got caught stealing food. 

Dreams that would often end with a physical assault or even a bullet in her head. 

Dreams that would cut her sleep short as she would wake with sweat going down her body and a racing heart. 

“Fuck.” She closed her eyes and grunted, torn on what to do. 

Plutt chose this very moment to finally show up and head towards the stage by standing on top of a wooden pallet that was placed in the middle of the half circle that the collective formed. 

He walked through the crowd with his fur coat dragging through the ground, ten other men following him. The man who turned in Paige standing closest to Plutt and three other men had faces she could recognize – exiles. 

Rey heard the gossip that a few men who came with everyone chose to show their loyalty to Plutt, whilst he was actively starving other exiles. 

The sense of betrayal from her people was painful but not surprising. 

She scanned the short fat man. 

Plut looked furious, based on his grotesque facial expression and red and veiny blue cheeks and swollen nose. Or maybe he was still drunk, as he usually was. 

Somehow, the belt was clasped even tighter around his belly, as if he gained even more weight over the holidays. 

And Rey wasn’t the only one to notice this. 

“I bet he’s purposely starving us by taking our food. Look at him, he’s gotten even fatter since we first got brought to Siberia.” She heard Caroline's voice from behind her. 

Rey didn’t answer her, as Plutt was about to start talking. 

“Listen up!” He shouted, spit flying out of his mouth.” I received a letter of request from the Capital. This winter is set to be one of the coldest ones in years. So, the collective was tasked to produce as much firewood as possible for the wonderful people of The Working People’s Union. From now on, every single one of you will be doing the same task – cutting down trees and chopping down the tree trunks into pieces of firewood that will be loaded on a truck and immediately taken to the arranged location. The amount of food you will get will depend on how many full trucks will be filled and delivered.” 

This announcement didn’t seem alarming, as this was pretty much what the majority of the collective was doing.  

But the sudden change in the way work was counted and turned into weighable food did worry her. 

“I was also asked to submit a copy of the workbook to the Ministry of Timber, located in the Capital. The papers showed the performance of the locals and especially the criminals that were sent here. The reply that I received showcased disappointment in the work performance, calling everyone lazy and overpaid. So, from now on, all of the exiles will have to put in double the amount of work if they want to eat. And I will not be humiliated again by the criminal scum that was brought here! Do you understand?!” 

She felt a strong wave of rage wash over her. 

Poe looked at her, his eyes clearly waiting for her to translate what Plutt just said, but Kenobi beat her to the punch. 

Rey just watched as Poe’s eyes went wide with rage. 

As Plutt’s words were being translated all around the wood factory, a sound of anger and frustration became louder and louder. 

Everyone was angry. Including the locals, who worked just as hard as the exiles. 

Enraged, Plutt began to shout. 

“Everyone shut up! Or none of you will eat or get any firewood to take home.” 

Rey looked at him. 

The simmering rage inside of her was hotter than ever. 

It brewed the type of darkness that she didn’t remember feeling since her parents were killed off. 

She looked at him, with tears of rage and blood on her lips as she chewed off a large piece of skin. 

It would be so easy for everyone to pick up an axe and chop him into bloody pieces like a pig. To see warm blood spilling out like a river. 

But Plutt was smart. He surrounded himself with men who benefited greatly from him. The need for protection was a logical move, given his consistently horrific actions.

How else he would conduct such cruelty without getting butchered like a pig. 

“There is one more announcement. Captain Solo will begin individual interviews with every criminal in the village about the families they left at home and their locations. All of you will work as normal and when it is your turn, you are to answer his questions and afterwards return straight to your work. Do you understand?” 

Rey looked down to the cement floor, chewing on her bleeding lip, sucking out the warm and salty blood. 

No one said anything about that. 

Everyone’s morale was already incredibly low. 

“Now, everyone go! We start producing firewood today!” 

Rey and everyone else went back into the snowed-up forest. 

Where the day’s temperature was –60 C. 

- 

The day after Plutt’s announcement, Captain Solo began conducting the interviews.  

One by one every exile was called into his office and one by one they were asked various types of personal questions about the family members left home, their names, where they lived, if they had any criminal records and so on. Even a little camera was set up for pictures. 

The only ones who were excluded from this interview were underage children, who would be only named in their parents' files. 

Alan and Mary were extremely relieved by that. 

But Rey and Poe were both seventeen, still minors, technically. But despite that, they were to be interviewed. 

So, when Poe Dameron was one of the very first ones to be called to the captain's office, he returned to the forest an hour later, he had a sour expression on his face. 

Rey brushed the frozen hairs of her forehead with her right hand, an axe in her left hand. 

Caroline and Cassandra were chopping wood on the block not too far away. 

“How was it?” 

Poe released a deep sigh and quickly removed his right glove from his hand. He showed her his pointing finger that was covered in something black. 

Rey scrunched her eyebrows. 

“We really are criminals to them, Rey. That bastard took my picture, took my fingerprints and made me sign some papers.” He rubbed his black finger on his pants and grunted. “He already had a whole file in his hands and then he started a new one for our family. I wish I could read what it says, or what exactly was the reason we got sent here.” 

“Did he ask about your dad?” 

Poe went silent for a bit, before finally answering. 

“He did. I’m glad that the three of us agreed on what to say. Saying that he was staying with his parents when the deportations were happening was easy. He didn’t second question it, or anything.” Poe put on his gloves and took the axe from Rey’s hands. “It was clear that the individualistic interviews were done in order to cross-check the answers.” 

The day before the interviews, every family unit in Rey’s house went through the information about their families. Decisions were made about what truth to keep and what lie to make. 

It was a common theme to exist in this bizarre secrecy, where the bare minimum information was provided to the exiles and potentially unknown punishments hung above their heads if they said the wrong thing or revealed the wrong personal information. 

No one knew what would happen to the Damerons if the captain found out that the senior Dameron, the husband of Cassandra and father to Poe, was a resistance fighter, a forest brother. 

People who had such associations were punished greatly and soldiers who fought against the new red government were either sent to camps or killed on the spot or even publicly hung. 

So, the Damerons agreed to lie. Because chances were high that their current way of living in Siberia would not be perceived as a good enough punishment for having associations with the resistance that was operating in the Baltics. 

As cruel as their current lives were, no one was on the wrong side of a spiked fence in a camp. 

“Hm. And you were the first one to be called.” 

“Yeah. That was intimidating. And fuck, Rey, I don’t know how you would easily just go in there.” 

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” 

“That man is so intimidating. Even when I can’t really understand him, just looking into those dark eyes was uncomfortable.” Poe placed a piece of wood on the chopping block and hit it with an axe. “A demon of darkness, sitting behind that desk, puncturing holes through you with that gaze.” 

Poe’s comment about the captain was both comical and confusing. 

There wasn’t a single instance when she saw him in that light. 

Did Poe see a different side to him? A side that Rey never saw as she was too blinded by the affection that suddenly stopped growing just a few days ago. 

“Was he rude to you?” 

“No, not really. He was very straightforward with everything. Kenobi being there helped with the nerves. It was comforting to know that I don’t have to be there all alone with that demon.” 

Rey rolled her eyes and took the axe out of Poe’s hands. 

He was about to yank the axe out of Rey’s hand, but a loud and horrific coughing noise reached their ears. 

Caroline collapsed on the snow, desperately trying to catch her breath. Her lungs were wheezing loudly and painfully. 

“Mother!” Cassandra yelled, catching her mother by her arm, as she was about to collapse on the snow. 

Caroline coughed until blood started to drip on the white snow. 

“Fuck, we need to take her home. She’s too sick to work!” Poe yelled in panic. 

“Yes!” Poe and Cassandra picked Caroline by her hands. “We’re going to take you home, mother, just stay awake, okay? Rey, sweetheart, can you stay here and if Plutt comes can you tell him that my mother is too ill to work?” The panic in her gentle voice was hard to miss. It frightened Rey. 

She nodded, her arms shaking. 

“Okay, let’s get you home, okay? Cassandra gently reassured her mother, whilst the three of them began making their way back through the snowy forest. 

Rey watched as the Damerons made their way back, their silhouettes becoming smaller and smaller. 

The concern that she felt for Caroline was terrifying. 

All of them knew, that the time was up for the old woman. 

And when Plutt finally noticed the absence of the three family members, all he said was “If they’re not willing to work, then they’re not getting any food.” 

- 

Four days passed after Caroline’s collapse. 

She was bedridden and her energy was almost non–existent. The bedside of the table had a small pile of bloody linen clothes, that Cassandra or Poe washed daily. 

It was a cruel and horrific thing to witness. 

It was not possible for one person to continuously stay with her, as work had to go on no matter what. So, instead, the whole house took their turns to check up on the old woman. 

The interviews also went on, and Rey didn’t miss how her turn didn’t come. 

Every adult in their house was questioned, at some point, but not Rey. 

She knew that the captain was keeping her for the very end. 

But when her turn finally came and when the captain personally came into the forest with a simple phrase “It is time.”, Rey didn’t refuse or talk back. She just silently followed him to his office. 

Normally, the returning person would inform the other that it’s their time to go to the interview. 

But for Rey, the captain came himself to tell her. 

It had only been six days since she last was in his office. And six days since she properly saw him. 

After the day when she left his office with anger and tears, the captain stopped coming to the forest in the evenings for her. 

Rey figured it was because he was busy with the papers and not because he understood that she was angry at him. 

She clutched the tied handkerchief in her pocket. 

Somehow, she knew that today was the day of her interview. 

So, she followed him through the forest, always five steps behind him. 

His office was as warm as ever and reeked of cigarettes. 

Kenobi was already there, sitting on a chair that was placed on the side of the table and smoking a cigarette. This was the first time she saw the old man smoke. 

“Come, child. Take your coats and scarf off, it’s really warm here.” 

She listened to him and started unpeeling all the layers. 

The captain did the same thing, hanging his coat on a hanger and putting it in the massive wardrobe. 

She focused her gaze on Kenobi, instead of the captain, despite the itch to look at him. 

The old man looked content and almost in a good mood. 

Despite everyone besides Rey asking, Kenobi never once said anything about Ben. After the day's worth of translating, he would just come home and do his usual evening routine. 

On one hand, she was itching to know what Kenobi thought about him. He was the only other person who got somewhat closer to the soldier. Maybe he saw something in the captain that Rey didn’t, because of her lack of age or the bias that she held for him, despite still being upset and angry at him. 

But Kenobi didn’t say anything and she didn’t ask, because asking an elder personal questions was considered rude in her culture, so she never did. 

And there was one more thing that she was itching to ask him for weeks. When they first arrived at their location, Kenobi said ‘Look how tall you’ve grown.’ when he first saw Ben. To think that he could have known the captain as a child perplexed her. 

“Did he interview you, yet?”  

“Not yet. It first starts with your picture taken.” He pointed at the empty wall, where a camera sat on a shelf. 

Rey inhaled and exhaled deeply. 

She began untying and removing her headscarf. The loose hairs fell out of her braids, so she just flattened the hairs with her hands and hoped that the ever-growing lice population wasn’t visible to the naked eye. 

“Do I need to hold a number plate or something? Like a true criminal.” 

“No, child. Just stand by the wall.” 

The captain came closer to her and picked up the camera. 

He crouched a little bit, so that the camera lens was facing forward. 

She looked at the camera with a neutral expression as the captain took three pictures. 

The captain placed the came back on the shelf and pointed with his hand to the chair. 

Rey once again was sitting right in front of him. But this time, on a rather serious and unpleasant occasion. 

Her heart began to pound. 

“There’s no need for my grandfather to translate. I can understand and answer to you sufficiently.” 

“I know.” He chewed on his cheek. “Are you ready to begin?” He asked, gently. 

She nodded without saying a word. Kenobi lit up another cigarette and crossed his legs. 

“What is your full name?” 

She scrunched up her eyes, like she was in grave pain and shook her head. 

“You know my name. There is no need to ask.” 

“I would like to hear it from you.” 

Rey rubbed a blister on her hand, sharp pain going straight to her heart.  

“You don’t deserve to get my name.” For the very first time, she spoke to him in her native language in front of him. 

Captain Solo, as expected, didn’t understand a word she said and Kenobi didn’t translate that part. The old man just puffed out the smoke and chucked. 

“Very well.” 

He filled in the first line in the questionnaire anyway. 

Of course, you know my name. 

“Have you ever changed your name? If yes, what was your previous name and when did you change it?” 

“No. I have never.” 

She spaced out as other questions came. 

The date and place of birth, her last address, her nationality, her language, her education and even her marital status. 

Rey spaced out and completely disconnected from the situation that she was in. 

The stress and the trauma of that day when she was caught stealing food and taken to that soldier's office all came back again. She relived it, sitting again on almost the same chair, and being questioned almost the same questions. 

But this time, it wasn’t a random man conducting the interview, it was a man who against all odds and all expectations, had his own little space in her mind and in her heart. 

And being put in that situation once again by a man that she held affection for, was more painful than the hunger and the fatigue that suffered from daily. 

It took all the energy for her not to cry and to remain stoic. 

“Names of your parents?” 

“Dathan Solana and Miramir Solana. They both died in 1941.” 

“Has any of your parents ever changed their names?” 

“Yes. My father.” 

The sudden surprise in the captain's eyes was hard to miss. 

“Not your mother, upon marriage? 

“No. My father went against the tradition and took my mother's last name instead.” 

“What was your father's previous surname?” 

“Palpatine.” 

Kenobi was staring at her again with an expression that was hard to read. 

“May I ask why he made that unusual decision?” 

“Because he hated my grandfather so much that the idea of giving that name to his wife and daughter disgusted him to a great extent. So, he became Solana.” 

“And what is your paternal grandfather’s name?” 

“Sheev Palpatine.” 

“I thought Obi-Wan was your paternal grandfather.” 

“Fuck.” She quietly let out the curse and closed her eyes. 

She got caught in a lie. 

The two of them made that lie when they first got to Siberia. The lie was designed to be used as leverage so that Rey wouldn’t get separated from everyone. She didn’t forget that the captain still thought that they were blood relatives, but with her nerves, stress, hunger and exhaustion it completely slipped out of her brain. 

And she never had a conversation with Kenobi about what lie they should tell the captain.

Rey realized that lying that he was her maternal grandfather would potentially create more lies that would be hard to get out of. 

“Let’s move on. Do you have any other family members that were sent into exile?” 

“I... I do not know.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“When my parents died, someone tried to get into contact with Sheev. But he was gone. According to his neighbours, he was arrested in the middle of the night and never seen again.” 

“I see.” He wrote everything down on the papers. 

“Does your family have any army associations?” 

“No.” 

“Did you or your family members live on the temporarily occupied enemy territories?” 

“You mean German?” 

“Yes.” 

She thought for a bit. Her memories of the war were very unclear.  

Her parents did their best to shelter her from the war, so because of that, Rey did not witness a lot of cruelty. And living in the suburbs of a large city helped with that.

But remembering who pushed who, and which soldier walked through the streets or who dropped air bombs on civilian housing was hard. 

“Yes, I think Germans took my city in 1941, but there was constant pushing back and forward. Not sure for how long though. My memories of war became very poor after my parents died. I just remember them being shot in 1941 and from then on, a lot of things went blank.” She answered, disconnecting herself from the fact. 

“I’m sorry.” He quietly said. 

Her eyes met his for the first time in what seemed like ages. 

“Thank you.”  

She broke the eye contact. 

“If the Germans came in 1941 and your grandfather disappeared, is there a chance that he was taken by them?” 

“Are you asking me if I am Jewish?” 

“Yes.” 

“I am not and I don’t think anyone from my family had any Jewish blood. I do not think they would have let us live if we did.” 

The captain nodded and wrote down everything into the squares. 

“Have you ever been abroad during the war?” 

“No.” 

“Do you have any family members with criminal records who ran abroad?” 

“Not that I know of.” 

He wrote down the last part and switched the file to her. The captain gave a pen to her hands and told her to sign at the bottom. 

There was no point in resisting or opposing this. 

She already felt defeated. 

So, she showed a small act of resistance in what she signed on the paper. 

It wasn’t a signature, an offensive word or a phrase in her native tongue. 

She just wrote ‘Renata Solana’. 

Once it was and once, she put her coats back on, Rey remembered that she had one more task to complete. 

She pulled the handkerchief with the gold coins inside and threw it on the captain's table, right beneath his chin. 

“I don’t want it.”

Rey grabbed all her outdoor clothes from the chair and left his office.

-

“Renata! Wait!” 

She turned back and saw Obi-Wan chasing her down through the snow. 

“What is it?” 

He finally caught up with her, his breathing a little bit labored. 

“Child, you didn’t tell me that you are a Palpatine.” 

She closed her eye’s in frustration and opened them again. 

“Firstly, I am not. I never was a Palpatine. My father and grandfather were. And secondly, you also have been keeping secrets from me.” 

“What secrets?” 

“That day when all the exiles were separated, you said something to yourself when you saw the captain, but I heard it.” 

“What did I say?” He asked. 

“Look how tall you’ve grown.” 

His mouth shut immediately, expression remaining serious. 

“I didn’t ask you earlier because it goes against the culture to interrogate an elder, but if we’re asking questions about family and their past, let’s start there.” 

He inhaled and exhaled to steady his breath and stroked the grey hairs that were falling out from underneath his hat. 

“Very well, let’s have this conversation, come.” 

They walked back to the house. But instead of going inside, they sat down on a pile of long logs that were stacked up. 

They both sat on the top and Kenobi pulled out a cigarette, lighting it with a match. 

He puffed out some smoke and placed matches back into his pocket. 

“You did not mishear me. I did in fact say that. But it took me a while to confirm that it’s actually that child and not someone else.” He placed the cigarette between his lips. “That boy, Ben, is named after me.” 

Rey scrunched her eyebrows from confusion. 

“But your name is Obi-Wan.” 

“My father was Obi-Wan. The name that was given to me at birth was Ben. And that was the name that most people knew me as. But when the first deportations began in 1941, I knew that I would be at the top of the list for many reasons, so I quickly changed my legal name. And when they came for me they couldn’t take me because I wasn’t the man on those papers anymore.” He puffed out more smoke and rubbed his eye’s that suddenly got wet. “But when they came to take my child and his family-” He choked from emotions and the freezing air. “I never regretted anything more in my entire life. I should have gone with them, instead of staying behind like a coward.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Thank you, child. You know the pain of loss better than anyone.” 

She nodded. An answer was not necessary. 

“As Ben Kenobi, I met a man named Anakin Skywalker during my days in the Graz Conservatory. He was a genius piano player and he quickly became my best friend.” He brought the cigarette back between his lips. “He was there when I met and eventually married my wife and I was his best man when he married his childhood sweetheart and the love of his life Padme. For a while, we all existed in this harmony. The four of us were even planning to sell our homes to purchase properties right next to each other so that our children would grow up together. Our son was four at that point when Anakin and Padme announced that they were going to have a child. We were all so happy.” Kenobi went quiet for a bit, smoking his cigarette in silence. “But then, Padme died in childbirth.” 

He swallowed. 

“Her death sent Anakin into madness. Right after seeing his wife's dead body in a morgue, Anakin went back home and destroyed every piece of furniture, after consuming what doctors called a lethal amount of alcohol. And when the police were called to his house, Anakin killed the three officers inside his home with a pistol that he kept in his music room.”  

Kenobi's gaze was far away, like he retelling a horrific story about someone he never knew, instead of his best friend. 

“Anakin set his house on fire to conceal the dead bodies and end his own life. He didn’t want to be alive without his wife.” He spaced out for a bit before continuing. “And when I finally got there, the house was fully ablaze. I could hear the excruciating screams coming from that house, Renata.” He wiped a tear from his eyes before they froze. Rey pulled out a clean piece of cloth and offered it to him. Kenobi took it and wiped his eyes. “That day I lost two of my best friends.” 

Kenobi paused for what seemed like a while, before clearing his throat. 

“Padme gave birth to twins – Luke and Leia. Luke was adopted by Anakin’s stepbrother Owen Lars and his wife Beru. Leia was taken in by Bail Organa and his wife Breha.” Kenobi pocketed the cloth and exhaled. “I didn’t get to see Luke as often as I wished, since after the fire I moved my family back to the Baltics. But I still visited the Capitol and I got to see Leia grow up. Breha and Bail named me and Satine as her godparents so, I spoiled and loved the little girl like she was my own.” He chuckled, wetly. “I got to teach her how to play piano, as I thought her father would have done if he was alive. And then many years later, I taught her four-year-old son his first piano chords.”  

Kenobi finished smoking the cigarette and threw the bud into the snow. He turned to face her. 

“Renata, Captain Benjamin Solo is Leia’s son. My goddaughter's son.” 

She felt tears build up for some reason. 

“I can’t believe that you two are connected. What are the odds of that, especially after being sent away halfway across the globe.” 

“That’s not all.” 

“What do you mean?” 

He stayed silent for a bit, chewing on his chapped lips and avoiding her gaze. 

“Anakin wasn’t the only one I became close to in Austria. There was another man who I loved dearly.”  

“Who?”   

Kenobi pulled out an old, crumpled black and white picture from his pocket and gave it to Rey. 

There were three men in their early twenties, standing side by side. 

The man in the middle was clearly young Ben Kenobi. 

The man on the right was a little bit taller than him, with light hair and light eyes.  

Anakin, she thought. 

And finally, the man on the left was hard not to recognize. Not because she knew that face. But because he looked so much like her father. 

“I knew your grandfather and your father, Renata.” 

She turned to look into his eyes. 

“Knowing Ben was always in the cards for me. But I was also meant to know you.” 

As tears began to form in her eyes, Kenobi embraced her in a hug. 

“I’m so happy I got placed in the same carriage as you, dear child.”  

Chapter Text

The Funeral  

January 23 rd , 1949  

An Unknown Village,  

Siberia  

Snowflakes slowly fell from the sky, large chunks piling on top of tree branches and the ground that was already covered in tall layers of snow. 

The whole scenery looked like an enchanted dream, blurring everything around her and slowing down time. A cold spell was being cast with every single drop of snow that fell on her head, her shoulders, her lashes. 

She held an axe in her cold hands, her breathing labored, vision hazy. 

Day by day, the painful coldness was seeping into her body like poison and slowly paralyzing her from within. 

Sitting by the fire at the end of the day or laying in a warm bed at night wasn’t enough for her to warm up her blood, her bones, her muscles and her organs. 

Even before Siberia, Rey was quite familiar with the discomfort of the cold and the physical struggles that came with the winter season because winter in the Baltics was quite harsh.  

The temperatures would sometimes fall as low as –40C, the snow would pile up endlessly and going outside was considered a bad idea as the lingering dampness made the cold even harsher to withstand. 

Whenever her parents took her by the Baltic Sea in winters to look for amber on the beach, her mother made a point to add more layers on her. “It gets extra chilly by the sea, Rey. I don’t want you catching a cold, sweetheart.”, Miramir would say with affection in her eyes. 

Her parents would hold her tiny, gloved hand as the three of them stood on a snowed-up beach and watched as the gentle waves mixed with the ice that froze the shore. 

Rey’s heart always clenched whenever that memory drifted into her mind like a gentle but unwelcomed wave. 

Winter by the sea was slightly warmer in temperature but harsher on the body, as the cold mixed with dampness was incredibly unpleasant.  

And when they made the 200-kilometere drive home, the cold instantly felt more pleasant. Without the lingering moisture in the air, the freezing air didn’t sting her bones as much. 

But Siberian winter was much different from anything she had ever experienced before. 

The massive land, that was mostly covered in never-ending forests, was landlocked. There were no seas and no oceans anywhere for thousands of kilometers in any direction. Just lake Baikal being somewhere south in the two hundred kilometer radius and all of its many rivers that flowed all over Siberia. 

The lack of a massive body of water made the chilly air outside extremely dry and crisp. And the lack of dampness made the incredibly low temperatures feel more barrable. 

Siberian –50 C felt like –35 C in the Baltics. 

Still unpleasant, but not as cold as she thought such low temperatures would be. 

But when –60 C came, being outside for longer than an hour was already a punishment by itself. Rey couldn’t stop moving because if she stopped, even for a moment, she would immediately start freezing.  

It was impossible to ignore the fact that her body was slowly giving out and on so many days she had to fight the temptation to just give up by lying down on the snow and never getting up. 

Her exhausted and malnourished body was desperate for a stop. And all Rey wanted was to lay down and to never get back up. 

Just like today. 

She dropped the axe by her side and fell, her knees hitting the ground, and the bottom of her hips drowning in snow. 

Rey pushes down her scarf from her mouth and breathes in the freezing air, her eyes surprisingly watering from the stinging cold sensation in her throat. 

The lack of a proper diet has made her anemic, weak, and this was the fifth time in a week she collapsed on the snow. 

Poe, who was working not too far from her, swiftly came to her and grabbed her by her armpits, pulling her up in one swift motion, as if she was a child. It astonished her how much strength he still had in him. 

As soon as her feet hit the snowy ground, Rey quickly grabbed a tree trunk for balance and leaned her head on the snowy bark. Her breathing was labored and each time she inhaled the air, it stung her lungs. 

“This is the fifth time you fell. You’re losing your strength.” 

Rey closed her eyes and took deep breaths, looking at the long sledge where forest workers carried all of the timbers for it to be pushed to the trucks when stacked fully. 

“I’m fine.” She shot back in frustration. 

Her legs were wobbly, and her hands felt weak. If it weren’t for the tree bark steadying her, she would collapse on the snow again. 

“Rey, I think you should head back home and check up on Caroline.” 

“I need to work. I want to eat, Poe.” She said, barely. 

“You’re too weak to work right now. Collapsing on the snow won’t earn you any wheat.”  He snapped. 

She didn’t miss his tone, which was much harsher and colder coming from him. 

For the most part, Poe Dameron seemed to be least affected by their exile. He did become much thinner and frailer than when she first saw him, but he remained the same high-spirited person. 

That was until his grandmother's health declined. 

After Caroline’s collapse and Cassandra’s endless worrying, Poe became anxious and angry. Because his father wasn’t deported with them, Poe began seeing himself as the man of the family and he convinced himself that his inability to fix the situation and provide his grandmother with proper medical care and enough food was his and no one else's failure, which made him feel weak and angry. He even told Rey, that he thinks his father would be disappointed in him, which Rey thought was complete nonsense.  

She offered words of encouragement, she tried to tell him that his intentions were good, but this misguided logic was needlessly ripping him apart. But none of what Rey told him reached his core. 

The weight that he carried on his shoulders was becoming too heavy, and the effects of it were becoming visible through his moods. The positive and strong Poe that Rey was so used to seeing was buried deeply underneath the struggles and pain that he faced as a criminal. An exile. 

Rey felt really bad for him.  

She wished she could take away some weight from his shoulders, but the fact was that Rey herself was slowly slipping into hopelessness. 

Her morbid mind could think of only one outcome. The most obvious and least difficult way to escape this frozen hell - death. 

In her bodily weakness and her desperation to make the pain go away, her mind once again became plagued with thoughts of death.  

Her death. 

But she kept those ideas to herself, knowing that she couldn’t possibly be a source of more pain to the family that so kindly took her under their wing. She had to stay strong and survive for as long as possible, so that one day they could all finally go home. 

“I think you should go home and check up on my grandmother.” 

Rey sighed and wiped her gloved hand over her face. 

“Fine, I’ll check up on her. I bet she’s going to be mad that I came in to check up on her instead of you or your mother.” 

“Oh, I’m sure she will.” He smiled, for what felt like the first time in a week. “Mind your steps and be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt. Imagine being bedridden right next to Caroline. Jesus.” 

“She would absolutely despise that.” Rey laughed and began walking back home. 

She walked from one tree to another, grabbing on whenever she felt weak again to collapse. The high layer of snow made her journey home much harder, as her body still felt wobbly and unstable. 

- 

When she got back home, Rey was immediately greeted by the sound of painful coughing that somehow mixed with annoyed grunts. 

“I thought Poe was going to check on me.” It was hard to miss the slight tone of frustration in her voice that was still very audible, despite her vocal cords cracking from the illness. 

“Nope. You got me.” 

Caroline sighed, leaned back into the bed and closed her eyes as if she was pretending to be asleep. 

Rey rolled her eyes and began taking off her outdoor clothes. 

The house was beginning to cool down as the wood in the fire was almost burned to ash. Rey threw in a few dry logs and restarted the fire. Taking a few big steps to her right, she cracked the door and quickly went outside. She scooped up some snow in the kettle and threw it on the tiny stove that was above the fireplace to make some tea. 

On the second burner, Rey popped the kettle that contained something that barely resembled a soup. It contained a single chopped beat that travelled over nine thousand kilometers with Rey, a vegetable that she saved as her last resort, and a single chopped carrot that Kenobi got from a local man and a pinch of salt, curtesy of the Andors. 

All the ingredients were once relatively unappreciated and insignificant, as a single beet and a carrot would cost a few cents. But in war and now in exile, when it became impossible to purchase anything, the value of even the most minuscule piece of crumb skyrocketed in everyone's minds. And a pot of soup, in the third month of exile, was like a feast. 

Rey stirred the pot with the soup and removed the kettle from the fire, pouring the boiling water on top of dried linden tree leaves and buds. She stirred the leaves and removed the pot with the soup on the wooden table and poured some soup into the bowl. 

“I hope you haven’t expired yet, because I heated up a nice tasty soup for you.” She joked. 

The old woman started laughing, weakly. If there was one thing that always entertained Caroline it was dark humour. 

Rey turned her head to the woman and watched as Caroline pushed herself up, her back leaning on the backboard of the bed. 

Her long grey hair was tied into a single braid that sat on her shoulder, her nightgown which over the months became too big for her, hung on her bony shoulders, her weak disease-ravaged body was barely able to get out of the bed.  

Maintaining hygiene was a difficult task for everyone. It was a tedious process of melting snow in a pot and quickly washing up by the fire with a curtain pulled over. For eleven people in one small house – it was a hard task. But for Caroline, it was even worse. She not only looked like she was one foot on the other side, but she also smelled like it. Cassandra tried to help her mother with her wash-ups, but as her mobility plummeted, so did her hygiene. 

Everything about her gave out that Death was right outside their door, sharpening its scythe for when the final moment to come. 

Seeing Caroline slowly dying was more difficult than Rey thought it would be. 

Her death bed, as she so bluntly called it, was a horrific sight that hurt her grandson and her daughter, and by extension, Rey. She didn’t particularly like the old woman, but she did admire her stubborn and unmovable ways. But seeing how her declining life was affecting Cassandra and her son was beyond painful. 

Cassandra was barely eating or sleeping. The light in her eyes, which stayed with her no matter what, dimmed. And for the first time in all those months, it became visible how the weight of hardships was pulling her down towards darkness. Depression. 

Rey was incredibly worried for her. 

“I also made some tea for you.” She brought the hot soup and placed it down on the tiny nightstand that was their newest piece of furniture, thanks to Kenobi. 

Rey watched as the woman painfully coughed more blood into her handkerchief and dropped it on her chest. 

After Carolines collapse, Cassandra wanted for her mother to be seen by the village doctor, but the old woman refused, saying that it would be a waste of money just to hear the doctor say that she's dying. 

Cassandra pleaded with her mother for days, but the old woman didn’t budge. 

So, they watched as she slowly lost her mobility. 

And on really bad days, her ability to feed herself would waver. 

“Would you like for me to spoon feed you, or do you think you can do that yourself today?” 

Caroline shook her head. 

“Okay.” Rey took the bowl into her hands and lifted a spoonful of soup, blowing on it. “Say aaaa.” 

The old woman opened her mouth and ate the soup, as silence fell between them. Just the sound of the wind outside and the sound of fire breaking the firewood. 

One, two, three, four, five, six, ten spoons later, Caroline signaled that she was full. 

“Was it good?” 

“Yes. Quite exquisite.” She lied. 

“Do you want some tea, now?” 

“No. Not now.” 

“Hm.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

She looked at Rey with a neutral expression that didn’t reveal anything. 

“Why didn’t Poe come?” 

“I collapsed on the snow, so he thought it would be best if I stopped working for a bit and checked up on you instead.” 

“How many times has this happened already?” She asked, not accusing. 

“Four or five times, give or take.” 

“You’ve become anaemic.” The old woman rubbed her chest with her palm. 

“Maybe a little. Poe told me that Cassandra is also struggling with episodes of sudden physical weakness. At this point, he or Kenobi are the strongest ones and Cassandra and I are becoming the weak links.” 

“I quite disagree.” 

Rey looked at her eyes, searching for any further elaboration. But when it became clear that Caroline had no intention to do that, so she pressed on. 

“What makes you think that we haven’t been weakened by this?” 

“I wasn’t talking about my daughter.” 

Rey was taken aback.  

“What? You mean me?” 

“Yes.” 

Rey chuckled. “You think I haven’t been broken by this? I barely have any fat on my bones, and if this keeps on going I’ll-” 

“Because none of them would have survived what you survived.” 

Rey's eyes widened in surprise and frustration. 

Since meeting the Dameron's all those months ago, Rey couldn’t remember an instance when Caroline said a single nice word to her, so her saying something positive about her just added to the confusion. There were times when she wasn’t being as rude or cold, but this could almost be categorized as praise. 

 Her expression must have given it away because the old woman quickly elaborated. 

“Witnessing both of your parents dead bodies on the street. Surviving all alone in the middle of a war, without an adult in your life. And how were you? Twelve? All that struggle to survive just to eventually end up in the coldest part of the world under a system that knows no end to its cruelty.” She coughed.  “Child, you already lived through a whole lifetimes worth of pain, and yet you are still pressing on.” 

Rey’s eyes began to water. “What choice do I have?” She shot back, weakly. 

Caroline shook her head. “My daughter... My beautiful, kindhearted Cassandra...” Caroline’s eyes began to water. “My own mother was a cruel woman who would beat me with a wooden stick for any minor mistake. And my father was a womanising drunk who would beat my mother. I never saw what a good parent looked like, and because of that, I don’t think I ever knew how to be a good mother to my own children. Especially to my only daughter.” She wiped the tears off her face, “But Cassandra... she came out so perfect. So beautiful and so loving. A woman with the most generous and kind heart, never hesitating to share that goodness, that love with anyone in need of it. Cassandra was always like a desert flower blooming without any water, in a brutal and unforgiving environment.” 

“I was cruel to her. I never told her that I loved her, and I don’t think I hugged her even once when she was a child. As a mother, I only knew how to teach her practical skills, like cooking, cleaning, gardening, and that’s all I’ve ever given to her.” Caroline wiped the tears of her eyes. “I never taught her how to love or how to be compassionate. These feelings were always too foreign to me. Too awkward. But somehow, from the very beginning, she knew how to love and how to cherish someone. Cassandra always loved me, and I never gave her the same in return. And I regret that deeply. I regret not appreciating and loving her enough. But most of all... I fear for her.” 

Caroline took Reys hand into hers and gave it a weak squeeze. 

“You are more like me. Hard and unyielding. All the traits that one needs when surviving in a place like this.” Rey looked at their joined hands and then into Caroline’s eyes. “But I can’t say the same thing for my child. I fear that her kind heart will be the thing that’s going to kill her. And as a mother, I will be leaving this place with worry for my daughter and enormous regret on my conscience.” She squeezed Rey’s hand. “I regret that I wasn’t a better mother to her. That I was already too old and too weak to protect my daughter and my grandson from this cruel fate. And watching her slowly fall apart because of me is much more painful than this deathbed or anything that happened before it.” 

Rey’s eyes were full of tears. Some even rolling down her cheek. 

Her mind was racing with so many thoughts and so many emotions. 

Even anguish. 

This felt like a confessional. Something that a priest should hear and forgive. Not Rey. 

She didn’t know what to think of Caroline anymore. 

All her beliefs about the woman crumpled violently like a building under an earthquake. 

She didn’t know exactly what she was feeling anymore. 

Her mind was overwhelmed and suddenly overworked. 

But as her emotions were reaching a high point, a gentle knock at the door interrupted her inner turmoil. 

Rey slid her hand out of Carolines and brushed her tears. 

“I, uh, I think this might be Poe.” 

She rose from the bed and went to the door. 

Who stood behind the door was not Poe, but an unexpected surprise. 

An unwelcomed one, in her mind. 

The captain.  

He was dressed in the same thick his military coat that belted around his waist and had two rows of gold buttons. Unlike Plutt, not a single article of clothing was budging out or creating a grotesque silhouette. Captain Solo was a tall man with broad shoulders and, from what Rey could tell, a very fit physique. 

A beautiful man who was standing in front of her, with soft and longing eyes that were directed to hers. 

She looked away and noticed the paper file in his gloved hand. 

A sudden wave of anger washed over her. 

“Good day. Kenobi said you have a sick person in your house. I brought the doctor for a checkup.” Somehow, only after those words, she noticed Maz Kanata standing behind him, with a leather medical bag in her right hand. 

“We don’t have any money for her service.”  

“That’s fine. You won’t need to pay her anything. May we come in?”  

Rey grunted. 

“Just wait here a moment.”  

Rey went to Caroline and informed her that the captain and the doctor were here for a visit. 

She didn’t resist the visitation. Her only wish was for Rey to hand her a sweater for her shoulders and for her to quickly brush out and rebraid her hair. 

When she was done, Rey let them both in.  

She helped Maz and Caroline with the translations as best as she could, since her medical dictionary wasn’t the best. 

She watched from the end of the bed how the tiny doctor moved the stethoscope around her chest and her back. 

Maz was silent, her facial expression unusually serious. 

“How long has this been going on for?” She pointed at the white cloths that were covered in blood. 

“She started coughing blood last week, but the coughing itself has been going on for months.”  

“How is she with pain?”  

“ Are you in pain?” 

Caroline nodded. Rey scrunched her eyebrows. 

“I see.” Maz Kanata took the stethoscope from her neck and placed it back in her medical case. “There is nothing I can do but leave some morphine for the pain.”  

“What do you mean? She’s clearly ill and needs some medicine.”  

“It’s not a cold. It’s chronic pneumonitis. The lung tissue has expanded, blocking the lung airways. Not enough oxygen is flowing through her bloodstream. I can’t tell how much damage her lungs have received without an x-ray, but based on her condition and the sound of her lungs, it’s...” Rey’s eyes widened in disbelief as Maz stopped from finishing the sentence. The old woman took a deep breath and finally gave her medical verdict.  “She’s terminally ill, child. There is nothing I can do.”  

Her jaw went slack. 

Her eye’s filled with tears. 

And then it all clicked in her brain. 

Caroline never developed any fever or any other symptom similar to the flu. She just got progressively weaker and her breathing became harder and more painful. 

She turned to Caroline, and as she was about to break the cruel news, like understanding what Maz said, she just answered with a simple ‘I know.’ 

It made Rey feel like a fool for not noticing the signs earlier. 

“How long does she have left?”  

“I’m not sure. This diseases can be unpredictable, and she is at an advanced state already.”  

“Roughly, at least.”  

“A week or two, maybe, given her state.” Maz began putting back her medical tools in the leather bag. “I’m very sorry, child.”  

Rey’s jaw went slack and her eye’s filled with tears again. 

“Did she say a week?” Caroline asked, as if she understood what the doctor said. 

“How did you know?” Rey asked, her eyes wide, mouth open. 

The old woman chuckled. 

“Lucky guess.” She coughed into the white piece of linen. 

Captain Solo just stood by the door and watched the whole thing unfold with eyes of calm worry. 

“I recommend letting her stay in bed and administer the morphine when the pain gets unbearable. There isn’t much to do here anymore besides ease the pain and let her drift off peacefully.”  

Rey’s eyes fell on the feet. Her head lulled back and forth in agreement, her mind drifting somewhere far away. 

“Renata, can you ask why the captain came here?” 

Her mind quickly snapped into reality when Caroline’s weak voice reached her ears. Rey snapped her towards the captain, who was already looking at her patiently. 

Rey breathed, steadily. 

“I, uh, she's asking why you are here.”  

“I came here to ask if I could interview her.”  

Rey released an angry chuckle as her eyes sharpened. 

“Caroline is on her deathbed, and yet you still want to question her.” She closed her eyes and breathed. “How dare you. We already have it hard enough as it is.”  

“Just ask her. Please.” The captain's voice was silent, almost desperate. 

It caught her off guard. 

“He said he wants to interview you. You don’t have to do this, Caroline.” 

She coughed again into her hand and rose in a sitting position, her back leaning on the headboard. 

“It’s okay, child. He can interview me.  Hell, I’m dying, so this won’t make much of a difference.” She raised the bed sheets closer to her chest and signaled the captain to sit at the other end of the bed. He unbuttoned his coat and belt and came over to where Caroline pointed. “Besides,” she coughed, “if a beautiful man still shows up at my doors, it means that I still got it.” She winked at the captain, who clearly didn’t understand anything. 

Rey smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks and brought a chair beside the bed. 

She wasn’t nervous about what she might say or not. The Damerons rehearsed their answers beforehand and Rey knew that Caroline’s mind was still very sharp. 

“Will you translate for me?” His voice was gentle. Almost intimate. 

Rey nodded, as Carolines calm gaze landed on Rey. 

“Okay.” He opened her file and pulled out the form with the questions and placed it on his lap. “Let’s begin. What is your full name?”  

“Caroline Bey.” She answered, understanding immediately the captain's question. 

“Have you ever changed your name? If yes, what was your previous name and when did you change it?”  

Caroline coughed and looked at Rey as she translated his question. 

“I was Caroline Allard before marriage. I don’t remember what exact year I changed it. 1895 maybe. I don’t know.” 

Rey calmly translated what the old woman said. She made a point not to look at him. Not even for a second. 

He is an enemy soldier, not a friend.  

He is an enemy soldier, not a friend.  

She mentally repeated that phrase again and again, like a prayer. 

There was a battle raging inside of her. Her mind was screaming one thing, but her heart was saying something completely different. 

Something that she couldn’t date to acknowledge.  

So, she kept reminding herself of the betrayal that hurt her so much, and how painful it was to be treated like a criminal by the captain, a man who once made her feel safe.  

But having him here, sitting in her house, after he brought a doctor out of his own pocket for a dying woman, with content and patience written all over his face, made her heart doubt her brain. 

At this point, it was impossible for Rey to deny the fact that Captain Benjamin Solo had his own space in her heart.  

A place that she reserved only for the ones that she felt love or affection for. Maybe in a twisted way, she tried to use the painful feeling of betrayal to push him out of her heart. 

Because deep down, at the very core of her essence, Renata Solana understood that falling in love with an enemy soldier would make her a traitor to her country, a traitor to those soldiers like Poe’s father who were fighting in the forests, a traitor to the people who that she was living with and a traitor to her very own beliefs that were formed by war. 

But most of all, Rey would be betraying herself. 

So, she ignored the warm feeling that always came whenever she was in his presence. She ignored the fact that her affection for him was still slowly but steadily growing, despite her effort to eradicate that affection. Rey buried all of it deep inside because that was much easier than looking truth in the eyes.  

There was a silent but powerful battle raging inside of her.  

But not quite unnoticed, because when the questions finally ended and Caroline put her signature, as her sharp and knowing eyes landed on Rey after she gave back the pen to him. 

“And lastly, can I take your picture? You don’t need to stand up or anything.” He looked at Caroline politely, but her gaze was still glued on Rey. 

“He is asking to take your picture.” 

“Of course.” She nodded at the captain. 

Caroline patted her hair down and looked right into the camera lens, as he took her final picture. 

“Thank you.” He thanked Caroline and stood from the end of the bed. “Before I leave, is there anything else I could help you with?”  

“He’s asking if he could help you with anything else.” 

“Yes.” She said sharply. “I would like to be seen by a priest. Catholic, preferably.” 

Rey translated Carolines words to the man and watched how he switched the documents from his left arm to his right one. 

He nodded at the older woman. “I’ll see what I can do.” The captain placed the papers between his armpit and began buttoning up his coat and clasping the belt.   “Will you see me out?” he said it, in almost a whisper.  

They both stood and she watched as he was buttoning up his coat and fixing his scarf. Rey watched this man of impressive stature get ready to face the deadly cold. 

They walked side by side, the few steps it took to reach the door. He grabbed the door handle, hesitating, and turned his whole body to face her. 

“Caroline won’t live for very long. It’s best to make some preparations for when that day comes. I’ll arrange a space of land where the exiles can bury their own and a plot for Caroline.”  

Rey shuddered. She wanted to scream and weep at the same time. 

Throughout her life, she witnessed many deaths. She saw dead soldiers on the streets that she once took to go to school, she saw her dead parents and dead exiles that were tossed on the side of the railroad like garbage. For the most part Rey has been numb about death and people dying. But there was something about Carolines pending death that made her extremely depressed and scared. And with Maz confirming that the end is near, it only further frightened her. 

Death was about to pay this house a visit.  

The last time she saw that black and hazy silhouette was she her history teachers body was tossed out. 

She didn’t know if she could handle seeing it so soon again. 

“Thank you for bringing the doctor.” Rey said, not meeting his eyes. 

His mouth opened and closed. The captain gave her a small nod and left the house in swift motion. 

Rey stood by the door motionless, her hands by her sides. 

She was supposed to go back to work, but her mind was in shambles. She didn’t know what to do with herself in that moment. 

A dark future was ahead of them, and the anxiety that came from it was killing her. There were so many burdens that she could carry and her mental and physical survival in Siberia was quickly becoming impossible. 

“Come here, child.” Caroline patted her slender hand on the bed. 

Rey turned around and came to sit on the chair instead. As soon as she sat, Caroline took her hand into hers. 

“I know that you have feelings for that man.” 

Rey’s eyes went wide in shock. She just about expected anything from her, but not that. She never expressed any kind of sympathy towards the captain to anyone. 

“Where did you get that idea?” Rey shot back, barely keeping her tone steady. 

“I knew it from the very beginning. Maybe even before you did.” 

“He’s an enemy soldier. How could I possibly have any feelings for him?” 

Caroline chuckled. “That’s not how these things work, now is it? The heart can be the biggest traitor to oneself, can it not?” 

Rey didn’t say anything. She couldn’t possibly admit that to anyone. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She focused her gaze at the door.  

“I might be dying, but I am not blind, Renata.” Caroline coughed into the bloody linen. 

“And what did you just witness? He came over to conduct the interview.” 

Caroline smiled. “Maybe you are too young to see it now. But you will in time, and when you do, Renata, don’t look away.” She wiped the blood from her lip. “Fate can be a strange thing.” Caroline said, almost to herself. 

Fate?  

Rey sat in silence, not knowing what to say about any of that. 

Not long ago, Kenobi confessed to knowing her paternal grandfather and the captain as a child. The odds of meeting a person on the other side of the world that had a relation to the both of them, a person who unknowingly connected them, were extremely low. 

And yet it happened. 

Was that the so-called fate that Caroline just spoke of? 

Rey shook her head in disbelief. 

When Caroline understood that the conversation about that topic was over, her face went serious. Rey straightened her back. 

“I brought my funeral clothes to Siberia. It’s the dark blue dress with the lace on the collar. Shoes, as well. I would like to be buried in those clothes and with my catechism and my rosary in my hands. No jewelry. It has to be just as I ask. Do do you understand?” Her chewed on her lip and nodded. Caroline continued. “Kenobi knows this too, and he has a few wood planks set aside for my coffin.” 

Rey closed her eyes and exhaled all the air out of her lungs. 

“Have you told this to your daughter or your grandson?” 

“No, I have not. I’m a selfish woman, Renata. I have no desire to have that conversation with them. And I don’t want them to know that I have a week left. Can you promise me that, child?” 

Rey didn’t want to make such promise because that would mean deceiving Cassandra, and that was something she promised herself not to do. 

So, she nodded, unable to say ‘I promise’, and began putting back her winter clothes to head back to work in the forest. 

A dying womans funeral request was a strange thing to digest, but Rey supposed Caroline was doing everyone a favor by making things as easy as possible for them by expressing her exact wish.  

She knew once Caroline passed, Cassandra and Poe would be in shambles, and it was up to Rey and the others to help out with the funeral however they could. 

“One more thing.” Rey stopped and looked at Caroline. “When that dark shadow finally comes for me, I don’t want you to look away. I want you to look directly into its hazy face.” 

Cold sweat went down Reys back. Her mind went blank. 

“What- How... How could you possibly know about it?” She demanded. 

“I’ve seen it. And I know you do too. You saw it when your history teacher died.” Caroline brushed back from the headboard and laid down on the bed. “Only the very unfortunate one’s get to witness it. I got to see it two times in my life, and I was never brave enough to look into its eyes.” She closed her eyes and exhaled. “Don’t be like me, Rey. Do not be afraid. Look at it’s eyes.” 

Rey wanted to say that she saw it too. Two times in her life.  

She wanted to tell Caroline that she did try looking into its eyes, its face. 

She wanted to tell her that both times she was unable to see the face of that creature, no matter how hard she tried looking into it. 

But she didn’t say any of it. 

Instead, she got dressed and went back into the forest with her heart racing out of her chest. 

Three days later, a middle-aged priest came into their house. Catholic, as Caroline requested. 

No one saw him, apart from Caroline, as he came into the house when everyone was in the forest. According to her, he was a middle-aged man with dark blonde hair and blue eyes.  

Maybe she imagined the man? Rey thought. 

Work in the forest reached a point where her weak body was in constant and excruciating pain caused by the unbearable cold and the heavy load they had to do every single day. 

Rey felt like she was slowly going insane. She thought maybe her brain was becoming a frozen mush, encased inside her skull. That would explain the constant state of slight delirium she was in.  

Maybe what she was experiencing was a slow death, and her brain was protecting her from the pain by blurring everything. Especially the last few days before the worst finally happened. 

She remembers coming back home, always at a late hour. 

She remembers barely being able to wash her hands, face and feet in the metal bowl. 

She remembers injecting the final dose of morphine into Caroline’s dark blue vein.  

She remembers small drops of blood trickling down from the wound and how the old woman instinctively wiped the blood with the white linen cloth that she coughed into. 

She remembers afterwards Cassandra scooping up and cradling her frail and ill mother like a child and crying quietly. 

She remembers Poe gently stroking his grandmother's hair and rubbing her back. 

Rey remembers what words the two women spoke to each other in that grim moment. 

“My sweet daughter, I wholeheartedly hope that you and your son will make it back home alive and well. It pains me that my time has come to an end and that my bones will be buried so far away from home.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “If there’s a possibility... a chance... please... bring my bones back home. That is my only wish.” 

She remembers Cassandra bursting into hysterical sobbing after hearing those words from her mother. It was deeply tragic to know that her mother's final resting place will be a half a world away from her fathers and that Caroline will not be laid to rest together with her family. 

A lonely grave in a faraway region of Siberia. Thousands of kilometres away from where it should have been. 

She remembers when Caroline suddenly developed a fever. The horrible fear that overcame her, when it felt like it was her fault this happened. But Caroline reassured her that was not her fault. That it was simply the end. 

That night, they all got ready for bed as firewood was still lightly cracking in the fireplace. 

Cassandra tucked in her mother and kissed her goodnight. 

She laid down on the bed, her mother on her right and Rey on her left. 

It was a peaceful and cold night. The wind didn’t even pick up, unlike most nights. 

Rey clutched Cassandra’s hand under the blanket as the three of them drifted to sleep. 

Knowing but not having the strength to admit to herself, that only the two of them would rise from that bed in the morning. 

- 

Reys tired eyes opened.  

She got woken up by a cold breeze that washed over her body like a cold wave of arctic water. Her first thought was that the door got cracked open overnight and all the cold wind was rushing in. But when she set her eyes on the door it was not only closed but the fire was still burning. Barely. 

She rose from her bed, confused and disoriented from sleep; Rey walked towards the pile of firewood that was neatly stacked by the fireplace. 

Bending down, she dropped a few pieces of firewood into the fire. 

Her arms stretched in front of the blaze, she was gazing at the warm flame. Something about having this peaceful moment all to herself made her appreciate the silence of the early hours. 

But that fraction of tranquility got shattered swiftly and violently when she heard a frightening whisper that sent shivers down her spine. 

A whisper that sounded otherworldy. 

Rey turned around to see where the sound came from and immediately froze in her tracks. 

Fear paralysed her frail body. Freezing it like ice. 

There was a person standing by the bed. Right above Caroline. 

No, not a person. 

But a dark shadow. 

As tall as the captain, and as thin looking as Rey.  

She wanted to scream and weep at the same time.  

But she didn’t.  

She couldn’t. 

Her body gave out on her. 

Remember the chilling conversation she had with Caroline, Rey tried to honor Carolines wish by looking into its eyes. 

But it was too dark in the house to see clearly, and just like last time, she couldn’t make out its features. It was as if her eyes got covered in a blurring haze whenever she tried glancing into its face. As if it was a forbidden act. As if the shadows face was not meant to be seen by mortals. 

Rey's eyes finally began filling with tears. It felt like that was the last thing her paralysed body could still do when faced with Death. 

A brief moment after the very first tears hit the wooden floor, she heard Cassandra rise from her slumber. 

“Rey? What is it?” She asked, quietly, looking at her and rubbing her eyes. 

“I- I-...” Reys mouth opened and closed, but no sound came from her throat. She felt like a fish that was pulled out of water. Slowly gulping the air and slowly suffocating to death. 

And then the thing Rey feared the most happened. 

Cassandra turned to check on her mother, and the dark shilouette was already gone. 

Even from afar and in the dark, she could see that Caroline’s eyes were half open and lifelessly staring at the end of the bed. Just like when her teachers blue eyes were aimlessly staring at the sky. 

“Mother?” Cassandra quietly asked, her hand landing on Carolines shoulder. But she was completely limp. “Mother?!” She screamed, her voice shrieking from shock. 

The whole house rose suddenly and violently as if a fire erupted in the house. 

Poe was the first one to jump out of bed and run towards his mother, who was desperately clutching Carolines dead body. He was kneeling by his grandmother at the same spot where the Death stood just moments ago. He grabbed Carolines cold hand and placed it to his forehead, as tears began falling down from his hollowing cheeks. 

A symbol of deep respect and incredible devastation. 

Kenobi began putting on his clothes, as Cassian and Jyn got out of the bed and did the same. 

“It’s time.” Kenobi said to Rey and the Andors. 

Rey stood frozen as she watched every adult in the house getting ready, but she still couldn’t move. She was still immobile. And despite the heaviness of the situation, everyone who wasn’t directly related to Damerons somehow knew exactly how to not be affected by this. How to be there for the people who just lost a loved one. 

But that process was quickly interrupted when the inevitable happened. 

“What the hell is going on here?”   

Unkar Plutt stood at the entrance of their home. 

It was six thirty, and he always came at that hour. 

It was time to go to work. 

“We lost Caroline.” Kenobi told Plutt, approaching him slowly . “She needs a funeral.”  

“A funeral?” Plutt scoffed , “We have targets to meet. Numbers of trucks that need be filled with wood!” He screamed. 

“We understand. But we cannot just leave it like that. There is a dead body in our house.”  

The short man looked at Carolines remains. He rolled his jaw as his nostrils flared from anger. But then his facial expression quickly changed into something dark. A pair of evil looking eyes framed by an alcoholics face. 

“I can take care of it.” He snarked, as Kenobi looked at him, questioning. “My men can throw her body out. Problem solved.”  

Kenobi’s voice shook as he translated, chilling everyone's blood in the process. 

But didn’t need a translation. 

Rage and crippling helplessness washed over her body like a scolding hot ride, leaving her disheveled mind empty and her legs weak and incapable of supporting her weight. Holding onto the dining table. 

A black wave, like a curtain that’s being closed, floated through her eyes. The very same one that, whenever she was about to pass out. 

“You fat fucking pig...” Poe whispered as he rose from the bedside. “How dare you suggest something like that. How dare you treat us like we’re not even human!” He yelled with such anger that Rey didn’t think he was capable of. 

“What the fuck did you just say?!” Plutt screamed back. 

The yelling and screaming sent her into a state of numbness. But the dark spell of paralysis did not last, as adrenaline swiftly flooded into her veins like water finally pouring down from a broken dam, as Poe lifted one of the chairs that Kenobi made and hurdled it in Plutt’s direction. 

The chair landed not too far from Plutts feet, and Rey was deeply relieved that at least Poe didn’t hurt him. 

“Get out!” He roared in a voice that Rey hoped to never hear again. 

The fat man barked something threatening at the exiles and finally left in one swift motion, slamming the wooden door. 

“What have we done.” Whispered Cassandra, who was still cradling her mothers limp and cold body, as tears of pure pain rolled down her hollow cheeks. 

“He’s going to kill us all.” Cassian barked. “He’s an aggressive and stupid boar, with an appetite for blood. He’ll come back with his men, and he’ll have our throats sliced open to the bone.” 

“We need to burry Caroline.” Kenobi ignored Cassians words. “If he does come back with his men, they will have her body thrown somewhere in the ditch.” The old man voiced in a surprisingly steady voice. 

“Didn’t you hear what I just said? We’ll be all dead before that happens!” Cassian barked back. 

“No, we won’t be.” Rey finally interjected. 

Cassandra started weeping even more, engulfing her mother's body with her hands as she snaked them around her frail body.  

Rey knew that what Cassian said was true.  

To an extent.  

If Plutt didn’t kill them, he would still choose a severe punishment and all of them, even the small kids, would suffer terribly. Extensive exposure to war atrocities filled up her artistic imagination with the worst possible cruelties, and as the adrenaline pumped through, she began swiftly dressing up, pushing down all the morbid thoughts. 

She knew she couldn’t allow this to happen, and she understood that she was the only one who had a chance to prevent an even bigger tragedy from happening. 

As her home plummeted into devastating chaos, the volume of loud noises dropped in her ears as they were overridden by the high-pitched screeching noise tin her ears. 

Feeling much weaker and hopeless than ever before, Rey wanted to lay down on the cold wooden floor and wait for the ground to swallow her and possibly everyone else, freeing them from whatever darkness that was about to come. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. Not now or ever. 

Rey quickly started pulling her clothes from the chair and putting them on as fast as possible.  

She was flimsy and uncoordinated, and she didn’t have the time to properly put all the layers of clothes on. Her hair was loose and greasy, covered in itchy spots and something else that she was still not willing to admit. It fell on her cheeks as she tied her shoelaces. 

Her heart was pounding. 

Her head was spinning from the sudden burst of energy and the lack of food in her belly. 

Without saying a word to anyone, Rey swiftly opened the door and ran into the village. 

- 

It was still dark outside as the sun was yet to rise up from the horizon. 

There was fresh snow on the ground, covering the footpath that led to the forest and the village. 

Raising her legs as high as possible, Rey struggled with every step that she took.  

She pushed through the snowy barrier, rushing as fast as possible to beat Plutt and his men before they came for them all. 

It was a race against time. A battle that Rey had to win no matter what. 

But if she didn’t... She didn’t allow herself to even entertain that idea. 

Her heart was hammering in her chest. It was beating so fast that it felt like it was about to jump out of her body through her mouth.  

The stress, the rush, the fear, all of the terrible weight that befell on her.  

She could hear the blood pumping her veins. It warmed her, protected her from paralysing cold. 

She was hot, despite the temperature being below freezing. 

She was already panting from exhaustion, despite her destination being only a few hundred meters from her home. 

Her legs were wet and aching from trying to push through the snow like a ship that was breaking through the frozen arctic seas one sheet of ice at a time. 

But Rey was close. 

She was almost there. 

Her coat was unbuttoned, her headscarf was falling on her shoulders. She knew that she looked disheveled, erratic with her unbrushed and loose hair. But there was no time for her to tidy herself up. To look presentable. 

He had to believe her. 

He had to help her. 

But maybe he hated her. 

Maybe he began hating her after she lashed out at him after he showed her nothing but kindness. 

Maybe he hated her for being rude and cold to him. 

She ignored him. 

She forced herself to hate him. 

She would intentionally remind herself of all the pain in her life. She would think of him and that pain. Him and pain. She would spin the two things in her head so much that the two blurred into one. Then she would turn that pain into venom. A poison that she willingly injected into her heart. All to eradicate him from her system. 

All that effort, all that self-inflicted pain. All just to forget about the man who was consuming her heart like no one ever did. 

Because she wanted to hate him. 

Because she wanted to live in a reality where she didn’t meet him. 

All because he conflicted her. He drove her crazy. 

Because his existence ripped her long-standing beliefs into shreds. 

Because he made her a hypocrite. 

And for that, she hated herself and she hated him. 

And all the self-injected poison, all the hatred that she forced herself to feel didn’t yield any results. 

Because she still wanted him. 

Because she was running to him. 

Because only he could save her and her people from a terrible fate. 

Rey ran up the staircase of the other brick building that was in the village, repeating the words ‘Second floor.’ again and again. 

She had to find him. 

He had to be home. 

He had to be there. 

Because if he wasn’t, all that effort would amount to nothing. 

Tears were beginning to fall down her cheeks as she ran up the stairs. 

She felt so desperate and fragile, it was as if she could break at any moment. 

And as she finally made her way up, Rey saw two doors that faced each other on the opposite sides. 

He didn’t tell her which door was his. 

‘If anything happens, I want you to come to me’, he told her all those weeks ago when the children got sick and she had to seek out for Roses help. 

Taking a deep breath, she inspected the doors, despite the staircase being dark. She threw her left and then right. There was a fifty-fifty chance she would get the right door. And even if she didn’t, it would be just an honest mistake. 

Unless she unknowingly knocked on one of Plutts men or even Plutts door, as she didn’t know who else could live there. 

She swallowed and took a deep breath as devastation took a hold of her again. Like traitors, tears once again trickled down her cheeks as she dropped her head low.  

But as she was about to collapse on the staircase and start crying through a panic attack, Rey saw that one of the apartments had a dim light coming from the bottom of the door. 

It was the left door. 

She launched towards the door and began knocking. 

Then pounding. 

“Please.” She whispered. “Please, please, open the door.” She wept as the temporary rush of adrenaline was rapidly fading away and leaving her body weak. 

As the strength began leaving her body and her legs began shaking, she heard a noise of a door being unlocked. 

The captain opened the door swiftly and within a millisecond, surprise and concern washed over his exhausted face. 

His hair was unbrushed and a little messy, his white linen blouse was unbuttoned at the top. He looked tired at first, and then his face immediately changed to what Rey could only describe as shock and fear. 

She’d never seen such vulnerable expression on his face. 

“What happened?” Words fell out of his mouth. 

Rey stared at him. She didn’t register his words, and she wasn’t able to form a simple sentence anymore. 

Her mind went blank. 

She couldn’t remember that language anymore. 

Her breathing picked up. 

Her cheeks were stained with more tears. 

She was panting and crying. 

All she managed to get out of herself was a single word. 

“Please.” Rey sobbed. 

But as soon as that single word came out of her mouth, Captain Solo immediately rushed to her help. 

- 

Keeping up with him was difficult, as one of his steps equaled two of hers, so she quietly struggled. Not letting herself break in front of him. 

The captains gloved hand was wrapped around hers as the two of them rushed through the village. His presence, his immediate reaction to her desperate plea gave her hope.  

Hope that fueled her weak body to keep up with him when it felt like it went against the laws of physics. 

They were running. Breaking through the snow once again, but this time it was the captain doing all the work by pushing through the snow and leaving her a clear path that was easy to walk on. 

She was out of breath and by now all the muscles in her legs were sore, causing an intense burning sensation that made each step excruciating.  

But she didn’t tell him about her pain and discomfort. 

Expressing them would cost time.  

Time that they simply did not have. 

“I’m so scared.” She exhaled, surprising herself by the admission. 

“I know.” He answered, softly. 

“What if he does throw out Carolines body? What if he does come for revenge for what Poe did?”  

“I won’t let him.”   

“Are you not scared that you’re alone and he has a whole group of men following his every order?”  

He exhaled and ran his other hand through his messy hair. 

Like Rey, the captain did not have a lot of time to dress himself properly, given the urgency of the situation. He managed to put on a sweater, his military coat that was unbuttoned, the belt that normally clasped around his waist hung loose, and the holster with his gun loosely sat around his body.  

Both of them looked like they had exactly one minute to get dressed in the morning. 

“That group is a problem, and I am trying to get to the bottom of what Plutt promised them in return for their loyalty. But you do not have to worry about that. I made three phone calls before grabbing my coat.”  

She looked at him, but she didn’t catch his expression as he was half turned to her. 

And the first thing she noticed about him was that he brought his gun with him. 

Rey did hear him saying that he needs to call a few people really quickly before grabbing his coat and running out the door with her. But she wasn’t sure if those calls would ensure Carolines funeral or the exiles safety, given that Poe attacked Plutt. Or if he would use a more aggressive tactic in order to win. 

“Whatever happens when we get to the house, I’ll make sure that Caroline will get a proper funeral and that none of you get hurt from this.”  

“How can you possibly be so confident about this? It’s just you against...” She didn’t know how many men Plutt intended to bring with him. “Against many! And this isn’t the first time you’re going against Plutt, who has men backing him!” She let out a frustrated shout. “Are you not afraid of running out of luck one day?”  

To her complete surprise, he turned his head and gave her something she did not expect, given the situation. 

A smile. 

“Luck is not what we need today. I’ve dealt with situations that had way worse odds. These circumstances might seem dire, but trust me, this will not be the day I lose against him for the first time.”  

Eyes wide, Rey couldn’t help but admire him at this moment.  

Her captain, that always jumped at the opportunity to help her. 

It made her feelings for him grow even more. 

But as they finally reached the wooden house, she saw several men making their way towards it from the opposite side that the two of them were coming from. And Plutt was amongst them. 

“They’re here.” Ret exhaled, her voice shaking from fear. 

The captain squeezed her hand once again, as she glanced at their joined hands and then raised her head to look into his eyes. 

“I won’t let them.” He whispered, showing her one last time that he was here to fight for her and her people. 

More than ever before, Rey felt incredibly weak and vulnerable. The hardshell that encased her most sensitive parts from the cruelties of the world was damaged, making her feel incredibly fragile. 

Her lower lip trembled, unclear whether from fear or something else. 

And his support calmed her.  

His words made her feel safer. 

Even when she lashed out against him, the captain, having every reason to turn her and her people down, once again decided to take their side. 

But this time, taking their side won’t be as easy. 

Because the fact was that he was abot to fight Plutt for the right of exiles to say a proper goodbye to one of them. 

Plutt and his men stopped by the house as soon as they saw the captain. 

There were eight of them. Some of them wore sour expressions on their faces, and some had what looked like hunting rifles that hung from their shoulders. 

Some of them were probably skilled hunters and they’ve just become the prey. 

Rey bit the inside of her cheek until the taste of blood flooded her mouth. 

“I see that scrawny little rat ran to you already. The black-haired boy, Poe, I think, assaulted me when I went to this house by throwing a chair at me. Being the peacekeeper of the village, tell me Captain Solo, do you intend on doing something about it or are you once again going to take their side to please that little slut.”  

His nostrils flared as he rolled his jaw. 

This was hardly the first time someone called her in such a derogatory name, so it didn’t startle her. But after observing the captain's reaction, Rey easily concluded that he wasn’t as passive about it as she was. 

“If I were you, I would choose my words more wisely, Plutt. Do not forget where you stand in the hierarchy of this village.”  

Plutt chuckled, as if amused by the captains warning, but to Reys surprise, he ignored his words. 

“It seems to me that you are forgetting the fact that we, as a collective, have a schedule that must be followed, and these damn criminals are using that old woman's inevitable death to have a day off when the whole country is freezing.”  

“So, you decided that having your men dump Caroline Bey’s body somewhere was the solution to that problem?”  

“They’re here to work, Solo.” He took a step closer to Benjamin. “They are criminals who were sent here to answer for their crimes through hard work. And if one of them dies, that does not excuse the rest of them from work.” Plutt grunted through his teeth. His tone was threatening and stern. 

The captain, in fact, did not look threatened nor scared. 

“You seem to forget that you answer to me, Plutt. If I say that these people are allowed a day off to give a proper funeral to the person they lost, then they do. If there is a delay in wood production and delivery, I will personally make the call to the Ministry Of Timber and explain the reasons behind the delay. Unless...” Gently letting go of Re’s hand, he took a step closer to Plutt. “Unless you have other reasons why this specific shipment of wood needs to be produced and delivered.”  

The confidence in his voice was bone chilling. Rey, who wasn’t even on the receiving end of the captains words, felt frightened by how and what he just said. 

He knows something , she thought. 

“What are you implying, Captain?” He challenged. The nonchalant tone got quickly replaced with rage. 

“I’m not implying anything. I’m encouraging you to think twice before you act.” Ben released a chuckle, toying with him. 

“I’m so sick of you. I’m so sick of you defending these scum! Men!” He turned to his men to yell something. 

Perhaps to command them to kill Rey and the captain. 

But whatever Plutt planned to say quickly died in his throat, as two military trucks started pulling in as close to her home as possible, given the snow that covered the only road that led to the village. 

Nine men in military uniforms got out of the trucks. All armed with guns secured in their holsters. 

Rey recognised only one of them. Vicrul. The one who would come to call for Rey when the captain couldn’t. For some reason, she hoped Hux would be amongst them, but perhaps he held a grudge against Ben for not lying about Paige’s confession and subsequently hurting Rose. 

“What the hell is this?” Plutt barked. 

“I recently decided that this village isn’t safe anymore with only one active member of the military staying here consistently. Thus, the decision was made to move my men to the spare flats in the brick apartment building where they can live and keep an eye on everything when I cannot. The request I sent to the capital was approved, so why wait a day longer for my men to get settled here.”  

Plutt’s bloodshot eyes went wide. His whole body began shaking from rage as if he was about to explode from the rising pressure in his body. 

This felt like a game of chess that was being played right this moment on a cold and snowy morning in Siberia. The captain versus Unkar Plutt. Captain Solo, Renata Solana and Ben’s men stood on one side and Plutt and his men on the other. 

All of them, besides Rey and possibly Plutt had guns in their possession, so the possibility of this power exchange turning into a real blood bath was quite high. 

As if reading her troubled mind, he moved their joined hands so that she stood right behind him, shielding her from the possibility of bullets flying in their direction. 

Could he possibly be thinking of the same thing?  

He let go of her hand, and covered her body with his even more, as if reading her mind. 

“You fucking cunt, you’re militarising the village?” Unkar yelled, louder than she had ever heard him. 

“Once I deem that there are no more problems with safety in the village, I will have them return to their original posts. But until then, my men will patrol the village and the forest.”  

“How dare you-!”  

“You should return to work, Plutt.” Ben sternly cut him off. “The exiles are granted as much time as they want to give Caroline Bey a funeral. In fact, there will be no more debates about this topic. From now on if someone in the village passes away, the exiles will be allowed to properly bury and mourn the loss of one of their own. You and your men should try and do as much work as possible, just like when the exiles covered for you and your men when you all got drunk on Christmas and New Years or did you think I wasn’t aware of it?” The captain took a step closer once again. He stood inches away from Plutt, towering over him. “Even now, you reek from alcohol.” 

“Why is it that you are so protective of these scum, uh? They disobey me, they attack me, and instead of reprimanding them, you bring your dogs and attack me? Me! The brigade leader of this village!” He spat out and then removed his hat and ran his palm over his bald head. “It is a dangerous game you’re playing, Captain Solo. I hope you understand what you’re getting yourself into.”  

It was at this moment when several people from her house decided to come out and see what was happening.  

Kenobi, Cassian and Jyn, fully dressed in their winter clothes, stepped in front of the house. 

“What is happening?” Jyn’s scared voice reached Rey’s ears. 

The two men stood in front of each other for a few seconds before Plutt turned around and started walking towards the forest. His men, as loyal as ever, followed him. But before he was gone completely, Plutt yelled one last thing. 

“Remember Solo, no work means no food! We’ll see how long their little holiday is going to last.”  

Rey released a deep exhale, not realising that she was keeping her breath. 

Staring at the armed men walk away into the forest, Rey pondered what had just happened. 

The gravity of this situation was not lost on her. Another battle that they barely won. At first, it was the furniture, then it was the time off for the kids to heal, the situation with Page, now the funeral. All of those were fights that either the exiles or the captain had to fight with Unkar Plutt. The loss of Page was a great devastation, a battle that should have been won. But the other one’s were victories, that were barely achieved. 

And today, thanks to Ben, another win was achieved.  

But even after a massive sense of relief washing over her like a gentle and warm wave that trickled down her spine, Rey couldn’t help but wonder how close they are to running out of luck and how much worse could things get when it finally happens. 

“Are you okay?” The captain asked, after approaching her again. 

Snapping back to reality, she raised her head as his warm brown eyes met her green ones.  

Her lip trembled, but she refused to cry again. She nodded at him.  

“I’m fine, thank you.” She whispered. 

Ben gave her a nod back and turned to his men, who stood not too far away from them. He thanked them and told them that they can go back to their posts. Which could only mean that they’re yet to move into the village. 

“Kenobi.” He approached the old man. “In anticipation of this day finally coming, I asked Anatoli to borrow the big sled for the coffin and arranged a spot in the village where dead exiles will be buried. Per agreement, I’ll go and help Anatoli and a few other men dig the grave. Can you make the coffin in the meantime and ask for the others to prepare Carolines body for the funeral?”  

Who’s Anatoli? Rey asked herself. 

“Of course.” He nodded at the captain. “Jyn, Mary and Alan will help with Caroline. Cassian and Rey will help me with the coffin.”  

“Me?” Surprised, Rey asked Kenobi if she heard him right. 

“Yes. I think... I think given everything that’s been happening in the past few months, you should know how to make a coffin. In case... In case, I'm not here to teach you anymore.” 

Her head dropped to the side, as her eyebrows furrowed from the idea of Kenobi’s death. 

“Don’t say that.” She whispered. 

“I’m not dying yet, child, but if that day comes, I would like for you to do the honor of making a coffin for me.” 

Acid in her throat, Rey released a sob and gave him a painful nod. She didn’t know if she could handle saying goodbye to him. “Okay. I promise.” 

“Okay. Okay.” He turned back to the captain. “I’ll tell the others about the plan. Let’s meet back here in a few hours, okay?”  

Ben signaled his approval and gave Rey one last glance before walking back into the village. Her eyes followed his broad back until Kenobi spoke to her and Cassian. 

“Let’s tell Cassandra and Poe about the funeral preparations. We need to give them as much space as they need to say goodbye, so it’s up to us to prepare everything.” 

The three of them nodded before going back into the house. They were met by Cassandra’s powerful wailing that immediately froze the four of them.  

Poe was clutching his devastated mother; his hand wrapped around her shoulder as she held the cold and bony hand of Caroline Bey. Her whole body was covered by a white blanket, just her hand peeking out.  

“Cassandra?” Kenobi approached her, “We need to prepare for the funeral. We need to-” 

“Do not touch her!” She flinched away from her touch like a wounded animal. Even Poe got startled. “No one is taking her from me!” Cassandra panted as if suddenly without breath. “No one is taking my mother from me!” She roared at the four of them. 

Kenobi, Jyn and Cassian took a step back, suddenly scared from the anger and rage that was radiating from her.  

None of them have ever seen Cassandra get angry. Ever. And this woman that sat beside her mother's dead body was a frightening stranger and not the gentle and caring person that everyone loved and cherished. 

But none of this had thrown Rey off. Because she had seen this before. 

This very scene, this picture, like a grim painting from the romantic era, reminded Rey of the day her own mother died. The weeping, the desperate hand clutching that bore a false hope that if you cried enough, if you suffered enough, that a divine power would hear your pain and spare you by bringing back the person you loved from the dead. 

She remembered how hopeless and excruciating that moment was. How she clutched her mothers and father's dead bodies because she didn’t want to let go of them. How she couldn’t possibly let go. 

She remembered when her neighbor, a man, found a young girl weeping over her parents dead bodies. 

She remembered how much he had helped her. 

"Cassandra?” Rey approached and kneeled by her. “Listen to me, okay?” She removed her gloves and took her face into her hands, wiping the tears from her face. “She’s gone. Your mother is gone but we’re here for you. We’re going to help you, okay? We will give your mother a proper funeral. But we can’t do that unless you allow us.” 

There was drowsiness and confusion in her face, as if she was delirious from the pain. So, Rey spoke again. 

“Please, Cassandra...” Rey whispered. “Please... let us.” 

She froze, as if not understanding what Rey was actually asking of her, so she clarified as gently as possible. 

“Listen to me. Kenobi, Cassian and I will make the coffin. Jyn, Alan and Mary will help with the preparation of Carolines body. She told me...” The words died in her mouth before she collected herself. “Caroline told me that she brought a dress and even shoes for her funeral. Cassandra, Caroline knew that she wasn’t going to survive this. She was already sick before getting on that damn train and she knew that this village was going to be the place where she passes.” Rey ran a hand through the older womans hair, as if she was a child. “This pain... This pain is probably the most excruciating thing you’ll ever experience, but despite that suffering, we still need to uphold our duty to honor your mother by giving Caroline a proper send-off. And without your and Poe’s permission...” Tears finally fell down her cheeks, but her voice remained steady. “We simply cannot do this.” She looked at Poe and saw the same devastation in his eyes. “Please, Cassandra, let us do this...”  

Cassandra closed her eyes and gave Rey a nod. 

“We have to do this. We can do this.” Poe sobbed as he brought his mother to a hug. 

“Yes... You are right. We must give my mother a funeral.” She finally answered, her voice hoarse and painful sounding. 

“Okay.” Rey nodded. “Okay. We can do this. We will do this.” Rey repeated as an incredible sense of relief washed over her. 

She stood and walked back to where Cassian and Kenobi was standing, and Jyn and Mary came to comfort Poe and Cassandra. 

“We must go now.”  

She told the two men before the three of them ran towards the wood factory. 

- 

It began snowing again. Lazy snowflakes fell on her scarf and shoulder as she watched the rising sun that painted the thin snow clouds a bright red color before going inside the wood factory. 

Hammer in her left hand, Rey hit the nails into what was starting to look like a coffin, exactly where Kenobi showed her. She still felt tired and drained from the day's stresses, but even with every extreme that gone through, this task seemed much easier than a full day of work in the forest.  

Disassociating from the task, Rey did not allow herself to think too much about what she was actually doing. She treated this as another task that was implemented into her workday. Like chopping wood, pulling the sled to the truck with logs. Thinking about it was painful. Especially when the odds of needing more coffins became larger as the winter got colder, starvation became more notable, and illnesses were harder to overcome. 

She wondered if she would be needing one any time soon. Or if she would be on the other end of death, and the burden of burying the people she was close with would befall on her shoulders again and again. 

How many more coffins would she have to make when survival truly became impossible. 

“Fuck.” She grunted after missing the nail. 

“You okay there?” Obi-Wan asked with genuine concern in his voice. 

“Yeah.” Rey exhaled. 

And making a coffin was much easier than Rey thought it would be. Given that there were decent-sized wooden planks lying around. She thought they were once again lucky about being placed in a village that had a working wood factory.  

The old man showed her and Cassian how to cut the planks, how to align them and then which spots needed the nails hammered in to form a wooden box with a lid that went on top. 

It didn’t take long for the three of them to produce a proper coffin for Caroline. 

And after Kenobi finally placed the cross sign on the lid and secured it on the top with a few nails, the three of them released a sigh of relief. 

“I thought it would be harder.” Cassian scratched his head and picked up the lid, placing it on top of the ‘box’. 

“It’s quite easy when there’s the three of us.” Kenobi ran a hand through his hat and scratched the back of his head. “I’ll grab the end and Cassian you grab the front. Carrying it home won’t be easy.” 

“What about me?” Rey asked. 

“I think you should walk in front of us. If you walk through the snow first, it’ll clear a path for us and it’ll be easier for us to carry it without us falling down.” 

“That’s a good idea.” 

Rey began walking out as Kenobi and Cassian picked up the coffin and began walking towards the village. 

Struggling with every step, Rey cleared the snow with her feet as much as she possibly could. 

Cassian and Kenobi took a few breaks to rest their arms before finally reaching their tiny house. 

As soon as Rey cracked the door open the door, she was hit with warm air, that warmed her cheeks and defrosted the tiny snowflakes off her eyelashes and eyebrows. 

The two men came in right behind her as thay carried the coffin inside and lowered it not too far from the door. 

There was deafening silence in the house. The kind that could only be produced by a visitation from Death and by the presence of the unfortunate victim whose heart stopped beating when they got touched by that entity. Even the two little children, already too mature for their age, were silently sitting on the bed. 

Several candles were lit around the bed where now uncovered Caroline was laying peacefully with her bony hands placed on her stomach, with her rosary wrapped around her right hand and her catechism in her other hand. Her face and her body were clean, her hair was brushed and braided neatly, and she was dressed in her dark funeral dress.  

Caroline Bey, laying peacefully in the same spot where her heart gave out, looked beautiful. It was almost impossible to tell that in the last days of her life, this woman worked as a hard laborer. That she suffered from freezing temperatures, starvation and a terrible disease until her old body couldn’t sustain life anymore. 

In the dimness of the candlelight, Rey observed the old womans features one last time. She said her goodbyes to the woman who was once strong and unyielding, vexed and complicated.  

Caroline Bey was someone Rey did not particularly like. She didn’t think she would even mourn her. 

But her death frightened her. 

She was the very first exile in their village who lost her chance to see the end of her sentence. She would never wake up one day and find out that she was permitted to leave the village, Siberia and go back home again. But the suffering that new life brought her was stronger than what her body could handle. 

Tears started to stain Rey’s cheeks again as the painful realisation sank in. 

Caroline Bey would never see home again. 

- 

She was disassociating again. Her minds way of protecting her. Cutting her off from the massive load of atrocities that the human mind was simply not capable of handling. 

Cassandra and Poe, sitting side by side on wooden chairs, kissed their beloved Carolines forehead, and Cassandra pressed her warm forehead to her mother's cold one. 

The weeping began once again as Kenobi and Cassian gently transferred her body to the coffin. 

The sun got covered by clouds and the snowing picked up as Ben came back with two men who were pulling a long sled behind them. 

Taking the coffin outside, Ben and Cassian lowered it on top of the sled. The snowflakes slowly fell on top of the lid as a group of exiles, a few locals and the captain began making their way to the new cemetary. 

Poe, Ben, Alan, Cassian and Kenobi pulled on the sled as it left straight tracks on the snow. 

Cassandra walked behind, weeping into her handkerchief as Rey rubbed circles on the older womans back. 

Rey remembers crying too, her heart bleeding for Cassandra and Poe. 

She remembers thinking how terrible this was.  

And Cassandra. The generous and gentle-spirited Cassandra who was the last person on earth to deserve this, was forced to bury her mother half across the world in a cold and foreign land. 

As the group of them approached the tiny burial plot, Rey saw two things that surprised her. 

The first one was a middle-aged man with dark blonde hair and black clothes that belonged to a priest.  

Catholic priest, as Caroline requested. 

Probably the one that allegedly visited Caroline when no one was home. 

So he does exist.  

And the second thing that shocked her was the depth of the grave. 

It was shallow. So shallow that it was barely deep enough for the coffin to be covered with dirt. The ground was so frozen that they weren’t able to dig any deeper than that. 

“Luke.” Ben nodded at the priest as they all surrounded the plot in the ground. 

He nodded back, and as the sled got pulled over right next to the grave, per priests request, the lid was removed one last time. 

Snowflakes fell on the ground and on Carolines cheeks. 

It was the last time fresh air would hit her skin. 

The last time Carolines body would be exposed to daylight. 

In a language that only a few exiles understood, the priest began reading a prayer from a prayer book that was illegal and giving a blessing. 

Cassandra fell besides her mothers coffin and began weeping again. 

This was the hardest part in all funerals. 

The very last time they would see their loved one again. 

And Cassandra knew that. 

She knew that no matter what the outcome was, she would never return home with her mother. 

Rey remembered what Caroline told her about never hugging her daughter. It squeezed her heart as she saw how desperate her daughter was to hug her mother one last time. 

Rey watched Caroline, without moving a single muscle. Frozen as a statue.  

Her mind in disbelief in what she was witnessing. 

She watched as Poe, his eyes bloodshot red from crying, kissed his grandmothers forehead.

She watched as he peeled his mother from his grandmother's grave and moved her to the side so that the coffin could be closed for the last time. 

Rey watched. 

Her mouth went slack from what she saw. 

A dense row of lice was crawling out Carolines head and out of the coffin. 

Their final chance to discard the dead body, as the blood that fed them finally became cold.

The heaven split in half. 

Angels started landing on the ground with a light so bright that it blinded all of them. 

The rapture day had come. 

The day when all of them would be freed from the pain of life. 

The day that would put an end to all the pain in everyone's lives. 

The day when Rey could see her mother and father again and spend an eternity of happiness with them. 

None of it was real. 

The angels, the salvation, the freedom to go home was not true. 

Rey was still in Siberia. 

The exiles were here. 

Surrounding the shallow grave. 

The lid got closed. 

The coffin got lowered to the grave. 

And the blanket of dirt covered her coffin. 

And Caroline Bey was no more. 

- 

It was late, as the sun was gone from the sky. 

The dark blanket of the night covered the sky and plunged everything into darkness. 

She promised not to walk alone at such a late hour as there were dangers lurking in their village, but she had to go there. 

She had to see him. 

She had to tell him. Thank him for what he did for them.  

But she had no real intention of doing that. 

As there was something else that she finally felt ready to share with him. 

As she found herself standing in front of his office door, Rey realised that she did not want to knock. It would be rude not to but at this moment she didn’t care about proper etiquette. 

So, she pressed on the handle with her gloved hand and walked into his office. 

He was sitting behind his desk, pen in his hand and papers littered all over the table. 

His office was as warm as always, and he wore the same cotton shirt that he had on in the morning. 

The captains mouth opened as he saw her enter his office so bluntly. 

“Is everything okay?” Ben asked, standing. 

“My name-” Rey swallowed and exhaled. 

The captain stood from his desk and approached her, taking her face into his warm and large hands. 

 “My name is Renata Solana.” Her eyes rose, meeting his soft brown ones. “But I want you to call me Rey.”   

Chapter Text

The Warehouse  

February 6th, 1949  

An Unknown Village,  

Siberia.  

A thick blanket of silence fell upon the entire village. A dark shroud of mourning that engulfed everyone’s minds and hearts.   

For as far as Rey’s eyes could see, everything was so white, so crisp and so pristine. And as a contrast, the mental state that she was in, as well as everyone else, was as dark and chilling as the moonless night in an endless Siberian wilderness. The heavy and overwhelming mass of profound loss had silenced everyone's voices, as well as their minds. It numbed their hearts to unthinkable levels.  

Carolines death was like a catalyst, a strong gust of wind that opened, no, broke the hinges of a door that once protected the exiles from the cold touch of Death. And upon the breaking of that hatch, a clear path for reaping lives became imminent. 

Three more exiles died in the following two weeks after her death. Three more coffins were made, and three more shallow graves were dug.  

Four days after they placed the first coffin in the ground, a man in his early fifties named Erik Koslovski died in his sleep. The day before he was complaining about a terrible headache and the next day his lifeless body was discovered by his wife when his heart stopped in his sleep. 

Two days after Eric’s death, an elderly woman in her seventies was consumed by a fever that developed over night. She didn’t come into work that day, as she was already unable to even get out of the bed. And when her son and grandchildren went to check on her during lunch, she was already cold.  

Being too fatigued from two difficult funerals, Rey couldn’t remember her name, even after reading it on the cross that stood above her final resting place. But she did remember the elderly woman being tall and her features being sharp, even as there was no more life in her.  

All three deaths were incredibly sad and crushing. The inevitable tragedies that were promised to them by the factor of their circumstances had finally begun.  

But the fourth death was the one that shook her to the core in a very violent and scary manner. It ripped her stitched up heart at the seams, where the flesh was raw and painful. It made the candle of rage and hatred blaze as bright as a fire that just had gasoline poured on top. It made her cry so violently that at certain point her brain stopped processing what was happening around her. 

She was working in the woods, paired up with Poe as she had been for months. There were a few other exiles not too far from them, scattered around the forest only meters away from each other. Similar in age as the two of them. Teenagers.  

One of them, a fifteen-year-old boy named Jonathan, was struggling that day with his load of work. That morning, he weakly complained about his right side being painful as his cheeks burned unusually red. Worried for him, Rey urged him to go home and rest, telling him that skipping one day's work means nothing compared to staying and potentially crippling himself to a point where he can’t work anymore, but he strongly refused.   

Jonathan Noreika was the oldest of the three siblings and for the most part, it was him and his mother earning the food, whilst his little sister and youngest brother did easier jobs in the wood factory amongst other young child  

Jonathan, a teenager with the weight of the world on his shoulders, couldn’t let his mother and two younger siblings starve to death. Very much like Poe, he was had to become the man of his family after his father, who he was named after, abandoned them one night, leaving just an apology letter on the dining room table and escaping first to Germany then to America before he could be deported.  

When he told her that story, Rey couldn’t even grasp the terrifying weight of his family's situation.  

A single mother sent so far away, to a life of incredible struggle with three young children who depended on her. 

She really felt for the four of them. She felt for Jonathan. 

And being afraid for him, Rey tried to urge him to think of himself for once. But it was quickly made clear to her that he was as stubborn as she was and he would not be going home until the workday was over. She only managed to convince him to sit down by the burning fire. “You can rest here and get warm, okay? We don’t want you to freeze.”  

From time to time, she would catch a glimpse of his sitting form as she pushed and pulled the chipped saw with Poe, breaching the tree bark until the tree finally fell. 

Everything seemed normal for a while. A tired young man resting by the fire, keeping himself warm. 

Until he wasn’t sitting anymore.  

Until she saw that he was laying by the fire with his face half buried in the snow.  

Jonathan, at the age of fifteen, died by the bonfire after Poe and Rey pulled his collapsed body from the snow, stupidly thinking that just he fell asleep. 

He was two years younger than Rey and Poe. Barely a teenager.  

And they were lowering his frail body into a coffin and into the ground. 

His mother howled in a voice that Rey would never forget in her life, and his brother and sister stroked their brother's dark brown hair, weeping into his cold face. 

It scarred Rey to her core. It broke her on levels she thought weren’t possible. 

Witnessing someone younger than her die before she did, felt wrong. Rey believed in the correct order of things. That it was natural for older people to pass and for the younger generation to continue carrying the torch.  

But burying a boy, a teenager who just wanted to feed his family, was beyond traumatic.  

She made the coffin together with her grandfather who she shared no blood with.  

She watched as the mother and two younger children said goodbyes to their beloved Jonathan. 

Another lifeless body that would never see the light of day.  

Another poor soul lost to the horrors of exile.  

It felt like she was reaching the very limit of how much pain and trauma she could handle before her heart gave out.  

But, desperately trying to find some light in the darkness, she found a tiny bit of comfort in the fact that no one interfered with the funerals anymore. Just as the captain had ordered. If someone passed, the brigade leader would be informed, and the funeral would take place on the same day.  

And the days in between burying the dead and working her frozen and endlessly aching body to the bone blurred into one. The waking hours, the working hours, the sleeping hours.  

Rey didn’t even realise that February had come.  

She was alone in an empty field that was covered with a thick blanket of snow.   

Her muscles, her bones felt frozen beyond return and her posture had become crooked. There was an almost permanent tilt in how she stood, how she held her head.  

Her painful back burned as squatting down, Rey poked her father's knife into the frozen soil, lifting chunks of dirt piece by piece in hopes of finding anything edible. 

She’d been at it for a few hours, scavenging for scraps like a little mouse, until her back was so sore that she could barely stand straight.  

A few days back, Kenobi pointed her at the exact spot in snow covered soil and told her that potatoes grew here last season. Hoping to unearth forgotten vegetables from the previous year, Rey ventured out without telling anyone a word, with only a knife in her hand and a foolish hope to find anything to fill an aching belly.  

And to her complete surprise, she did manage to dig up two potatoes. Which was two more then she thought was even possible.  

Rey pulled the knife out the dark and frozen soil for the last time and wiped the dirt off into her work coat. Folding the knife in half, she placed it in the left pocket of her coat and took out the two frozen potatoes out the right pocket.  

The two oval vegetables were as hard as a rock from sitting in the cold soil for months and the chances of them not being rotten on the inside were slim.   

Staring at her palm, a sweet thought of eating baked potatoes made her mouth water and her stomach clench from a spasm in the most agonising way.  

They weren’t for her. As hungry and desperate Rey was for anything to eat, she still didn’t need them as much as Cassandra did.  

Recently, the food situation had reached its lowest point. The amount of grain they were getting was almost not enough to keep one person alive. Even Rey, who would get the largest amount of food all thanks to the captain, wasn’t getting enough to help feed everyone else. 

Barely any bread was reaching her stomach these days.  

But Cassandra...  

The day after Caroline's funeral, everyone went back to work, because of hunger and nothing more.  

Cassandra was amongst them, but she struggled like Rey had never seen before.  

There were many moments when she caught her just standing and staring into the distance. When Rey or Poe approached her to ask if she needed their help or anything, she would just shake her head and pretend to work.  

Soon, it became clear that grief was eating her away.   

Her motor skills shrank little by little with each day. Rey would wake her up in the morning just to find her already mindlessly staring into the distance. Lying in the same bed where her mother died, Cassandra Bey couldn’t sleep anymore.  

Rey would help her out of the bed, by taking her hand and gently lifting her out of the bed. As she sat on the edge of the bed, she would then start dressing the older woman as if she was a child once again. The teenager would help her put on her socks, her sweater, her coat, her scarf. Wrapping every layer around her frail body with much care and deep worry.  

Cassandra tried to acknowledge her. She tried to thank Rey for taking care of her. But then one day that tiny expression of gratitude also disappeared.  

Grief slowly and painfully took away her cognitive abilities. One early morning when Rey was trying to get her out of the bed, her whole body went limp as if she was dead. Her heart briefly stopped beating as she thought that Cassandra passed away. But she didn’t. She was laying in the bed, paralysed from pain and sorrow. It looked like she was bitten by a venomous snake whose venom would paralyze its prey from within as the poison had spread through her body.  

She didn’t walk nor talk anymore.  

One day, Cassandra Bey stopped getting out of bed, even with Rey’s and Poe’s help.  

No matter how many times Rey had begged her to say something, at least acknowledge her in any way possible, Cassandra just stared into the distance, her beautiful curly hair splayed around the pillow, her bony hand hanging on the edge of the bed.  

There were many signs to look for to conclude if a person passed away. The person doesn’t move anymore. The blood in their veins doesn’t flow anymore. The arteries in their neck and wrists still. All those signs indicate that their heart had stopped.   

Cassandra showed none of these crucial signs.   

Signs that another death had occurred in their house.  

But she was as good as dead.  

Despite her heart still beating, the blood in her veins still flowing, Cassandra showed no signs of life anymore.  

Half of a death did happen in their house.  

Rey’s heart broke for the woman. There wasn’t a day when she didn’t beg the older woman to at least say a single word. But no matter how much she pleaded and cried for her, Cassandra did not move.  

The only reaction that Rey was able to get from her was an occasional blinking.  

It was devastating to see her like that.   

It was so painful that it truly felt like she had lost her.  

But there wasn’t a grave that she could come to and pay her respects and mourn her, there was a bed that she still slept in, a woman who was still very much alive, but completely crippled by the loss of her mother.  

And as soon as Cassandra lost her ability to work, to function, so did her portion of food disappear.  

In hindsight, Rey realised that she was actively starving herself to death. She wasn’t sure if it was on purpose and that the goal was for Cassandra to follow her mother to the afterlife not long after her, or if the starvation was just another symptom of her grief.  

Whatever the case was, Cassandra's survival without her earned share of the food, became impossible.   

There simply was no food that anyone could share.  

And Rey, desperate to find anything edible for Cassandra, had to get creative.  

The potato field was a good start.  

Pocketing the two potatoes back, she stared at the empty field that looked like it stretched for miles. It was completely covered by snow and even after so many weeks, it still stung her eyes whenever she stared at it for too long.  

At the end of the field the forest began, framing its edges in a perfect square. Just like she drew in the land survey all those weeks ago.  

But there was an object in the horizon that peaked her interest weeks ago.  

An object she’d been studying since it became clear that starvation is unavoidable. 

The massive warehouse that stored all the food from the previous seasons.   

The one they went to every Sunday to get their grain for the week.  

Rey chewed on her dry cold lips.  

She ripped the glove off from her hand and dug her nails into her painfully itchy scalp that she covered with her scarf.  

Moaning from the pain and satisfaction that came from scratching an aching and extremely itchy spot in her head. She could feel that the skin in that particular spot was not smooth. It was slightly bumpy and there were tiny wounds that she could feel with the touch of her cold fingers.  

And as she pulled out her hand from underneath her headscarf, a feeling of numbness and disgust washed over her body and she looked at her fingers.  

There was blood underneath her nails. Blood and a scab from a wound that she unknowingly peeled off.  

But underneath her red stained nails, tiny yellowish lice wiggled around. Possibly in distress because she peeled them off from their food source that was her blood. But they looked fat for their tiny bodies and with bellies full of her fresh blood.  

“How is it that you are fat from drinking my blood, and I am starving, huh?”  

She crushed the tiny parasites with the nail of her thumb. More blood splashed on her nails and fingers.  

Rey put her glove back on and began making her way home.  

-  

It was Sunday afternoon, and the sun was already setting low. As she made her way home through the snow, Rey watched as the villagers were lighting candles and oil lamps and placing them on their widow cells, lighting their cozy homes with warm light that reminded her of the setting sun. That rather simple act warmed her heart for some undefined reason.  

In the morning, Rey and Poe went to the warehouse to pick the grain that they earned for their hard labour. Standing in line with other exiles, Rey watched as Phasma went over the workbook and told her and Poe that Cassandra will not be getting any food.   

Rey begged and pleaded for the blonde woman to give them even a little bit of food, explaining that she’s been too grief struck to even leave the bed. But Phasma didn’t budge.  

“No work means no food. And that’s final.”  

She gave her own bag of grain to Poe and told him to go home, before venturing out into the frozen potato field, in hope of not coming home empty handed.  

As she entered her home, their tiny wooden house was warm and extremely quiet. Just the sound fire breaking down the wood. The freshly lit flame painted the inside of their home with a warm orange colour, creating an illusion of safety and comfort. 

Cassandra was laying limp in her bed and Poe was sitting right next to her on a chair. He was stroking his mother's messy, lice infested hair and telling her how much he needs her to get well. How she must get her strenght back for when they go back home and reunite with his father. He would tell her much he misses her. And he’d been at it for days, begging his mother to show any signs of life. It had become his evening routine that yielded no results. 

And despite maintaining his ability to work, eat, wash himself and sleep, things weren’t any easier for Poe. His way of grieving was shunning himself away from everyone else and barely saying any word to anyone besides his mother. He completely stopped talking to everyone in the house and barely acknowledging Rey.   

In the forest, when the early days were somewhat filled with his genuine chatter or humorous sarcasm, the Poe that just lost his grandmother and was losing his mother, did not say a single word to Rey anymore. The only time she heard his voice anymore was only when he spoke about work related issues or when he was desperately trying to talk to Cassandra.  

The pain from his grandmother's loss, the frustration from his mother's condition and the guilt that he wasn’t able to prevent the tragedy from happening. All of the emotions that were clearly ripping him apart from the inside, were shunned and sealed within his heart. It was a terrible weight that he only loudly expressed to his mother's limp form when he thought no one could hear him. 

Rey teared up when she accidentally heard Poe confessing to Cassandra. 

She was really worried about him.  

She could physically feel the pressure in her chest rise whenever she looked at Poe or his mother.  

And she missed him.  

She missed his chatter.  

She missed his ability to find humour even in dark moments.  

She missed his liveliness.  

And at rare times when she had some privacy, Rey cried for her friend and for his mother.  

“Poe,” She called for him, hoping to get him to look at her, but he didn’t even acknowledge her. “I found two potatoes from last season.” Desperately waiting for some kind of response, Rey unpeeled the scarf from her head and pulled out her two braids from underneath her turtleneck. She got the feeling that she wouldn’t get a response, so she elaborated. “Obi-Wan showed where the farming fields are and I was able to unearth a few...”  

Taking her coat off, she realised that neither of he nor his mother were listening to her. She felt extremely guilty. Insensitive, even. She didn’t know how to do this. How to approach this.   

But most of all, how to fix this.  

Rey stepped forward, carefully approaching Poe as if he was a wild animal that would run away after one wrong move.  

“How is she?” She whispered.  

Poe breathed in, his shallow breaths dragging in his throat. “She’s unwell. I haven’t seen her eat or speak since my grandmother's funeral.” He rubbed a hand over his stubbled mouth. “I think... I think she’s starving herself, Rey. Intentionally or unintentionally, I do not know.” He choked up. “I think, her goal is to die.” Tears finally rolled down his cheeks.  

Rey came closer to him and engulfed him into a hug and to her surprise, he allowed her. She placed his head on her chest and wrapped her hands around his head.  

“We won’t let her die.” She told him, her eyes looking at Cassandra who lying limp like a rag doll, completly unrosponsive to was happening infront of her.  

“How do would we even fix this?” He choked up. It was then that she realised that he was fully crying. Rey’s heart broke when she heard the childish helplessness and fragility in his voice.  

At that moment, a rather bold idea shaped in her head. 

“I think I have a plan. But...” She snuggled her head closer to his ear and whispered. “It might be a bit dangerous.”  

Poe unpeeled himself from Rey’s clasp.  

His brown eyes were bloodshot red, his cheeks still wet. And his face, that now looked significantly older, showcased the type of anguish and confusion that Rey thought she would never see in her childhood friend.  

“What do you have in mind, Rey?”  

Rey looked at Cassandra again, weighing is she should tell him her plan and the full dangers that come with it, or if she should protect him by executing it all by herself, but lessening the chances of success.  

She chewed on her sore bottom lip as her eyes bounced between the mother and the son. 

It was a plan that had a vein of coldness and darkness imbedded inside. 

But she knew that this was the only way to make her care again. 

“I’ll tell you when we get to work.” 

-  

A big contribution to the silence that was felt all around the village, was the fact that Unkar Plutt has been gone for over a week. Together with a few of his men, they were summoned to testify in Paige's trial that was taking place in a large city that was built around not too far from lake Baikal.  

Someone, who’s name Rey didn’t care to find out, took over to count the number of trucks with wood the workers produced each day.   

No one was entering the exiles home at six, just to tell them the obvious fact that it was time to go to work. At this point, the exiles knew when to be at the forest, where each person needed to work that day, when their break began and finished, and what time they could go home.  

Plutt's consistency in barking the same orders every day for months had become incredibly insulting to their intelligence and it built up painful pressure that every exile felt. Even the people who didn’t understand the language already knew what each order ment. And his sudden absence eased on the pressure that exiles felt every day.  

The fact was that surviving an already excruciating workday was much harder with the consistent yelling and degrading. 

And without Plutt, Rey was able to somewhat breathe better.  

But Unkar and his men weren’t the only ones absent from the village.  

Captain Benjamin Solo was also summoned to testify at the trial.  

Unlike the absence of the brigade leader, Rey missed the captain. Probably more than she was willing to admit.  

The day after Carolines death, Rey went into his office and asked if he would continue their alphabet lessons. He agreed, almost eagerly, and taught her more letters. By the end of day four, Rey could somewhat read.   

She felt extremely proud of herself and fulfilled in a way. Like a missing piece of her language understanding was finally snapped into place. And the captain... She saw joy in his eyes and when she without any mistakes memorised the whole alphabet and happily told it to him.   

“Congratulations, you did an amazing job.” The warmness in his voice was unmistakable. And he hesitated a bit before adding the last part. “I’m very proud of you, Rey.”  

She remembers feeling so happy at that moment. Silly for learning something that first graders know at the age of almost eighteen and yet still happy.  

And his acknowledgment of her achievement and the proudness that he expressed was exhilarating. She wanted to jump into his embrace and hug him.  

But she didn’t. 

Because not long after reaching that emotional high, Rey felt guilty for experiencing even the tiniest drop of happiness when situation back home was so dire.  

And not long after expressing his joy over her achievement, the captain told her that he was going to leave the village for the trial.   

She remembers him telling her that he doesn’t know how long it would last and that Vicrul would be the pne gathering the signatures of exiles on top of taking over most of his duties whilst Ben was away. 

The very first emotion that came over her was fear. She was scared that his absence would open doors for pain or trouble. It also finally sunk in to her that with him in the village, she felt safer and less afraid and worried for her people.  

And she was also scared for Paige and for him, for potentially walking into a lions den.  

But as if reading her mind, he told her not to worry. That everything will be okay and that he will do whatever he could to bring Paige back home to her daughter and her family.  

After witnessing him do so many good deeds for her, the locals and the exiles, Rey didn’t doubt that he would put up a good fight to free Paige. But she also understood that he would be fighting a deeply unjust and corrupt system that had a strong biased towards those who blindly chose to worship it. And neither Paige nor the captain seemed like the type to do that. 

Rey was not at all optimistic about it.  

That day, as the captain was walking her home through the dark village, he told her that when he was back, he would teach her how to write and that she should practice her reading with Crime And Punishment that he gave her all those weeks ago.  

Before he made his way back, they stood in front of each other in the deadly cold.  

A part of her wanted to jump into his embrace. She itched to hug him and tell him good luck and that she’ll miss him.  

But she didn’t do either of these things.  

They stood facing each other in silence until Ben nodded at her and told her sleep well, Rey.  

Her heart ached seeing him go and not knowing when she would see him again.  

But days went by without Plutt or Captain Solo, Rey began to see an opening for an opportunity.  

A rare occasion to pull off something dangerous but necessary.  

Because the absence of the two men that were the two integral parts in running the village, created a rare chance to do something Rey never thought she would attempt again in her life.   

Something that completely changed the course of her life.  

Steal food.  

Rey chewed on her consistently painful lips, violently breaking off the skin with her teeth and sucking on the blood that was gushing out of the tiny but raw wound.  

It was the eighth of February when she and Poe didn’t return home after work.  

Going deeper and deeper through the forest, Rey and Poe made their way to the location, as the full moon that neatly sat between growing clouds, lit their way like a tiny torch.  

It was well past ten at night, according to her father's clock that had a dial that glowed in the dark. She stopped wearing it on her wrist quite recently, because even when the metal band was neatly folded up and tied with a rope to fit her wrist, it still didn’t sit properly on her now skeletal hand, so keeping it in her inner pocket was the smarter choice. And it was still running in the Baltic time, forcing her to do calculations every time she wanted to know the time.  

It was a long walk and rather difficult walk through the blindness of the night and the height of the snow. But they pushed on, pacing through trees and the snow, Rey led the way as Poe followed her from behind.  

When Rey realised that the weight of grain they got each week slowly started decreasing, she began hatching this foolish but desperate plan. On days when her exhaustion wasn’t too bad or her borderline frost-bitten feet weren’t too sore, she would venture out solo into the wilderness where the warehouse stood, to study the pattern of every person's ins and outs. In a month, she developed a timetable that followed a very consistent pattern that when tested, proved to be accurate each time. 

But of course, looking back at their very first days of exile, soldiers warned them about stealing and what were the consequences for committing such crime. Taking all the risks into careful consideration, Rey consciously placed her plan on the back burner and hoped that she would never be pushed so much that she would have no other choice but to execute it. 

But her hopes were once again unfulfilled. 

The day before, she did one last trial run through the dark forest, so that they wouldn’t get foolishly lost because of her. The thought of getting lost in the Siberian wilderness was incredibly unsettling to her and she’d be damned if either she or her friend met their maker that way.  

Rey understood that she was the one leading this rather foolish operation and that if they got caught, she would take the blame over him.   

The whole thing was her idea. She was the one who asked her friend to put himself into a risky situation, when he would never ask her to the same, even when it was necessary. And if Poe got hurt, if this mission went wrong, that would certainly be the final nail in Cassandra’s coffin.  

Rey was certain that if her son met a similar father as her mother did, Cassandra would make sure to follow them shortly after.  

And Rey would rather die than witness such tragedy.  

That’s how far she was willing to go for the both of them. 

They began slowing their pace, as the two of them finally approached the warehouse, carefully emerging from the darkness like wild animals sneaking up on their prey. 

It was then that the realization of what she was about to do finally sank in for Rey. 

Renata Solana, a teenager who had been orphaned when she was twelve, ended up in Siberia because of food theft. The act that completely changed the course of her life, the crime that she was to pay for the rest of her life was about to be repeated by her once again. 

The plethora of emotions that she was feeling as her eyes adjusted to the dim light that was coming out of the building, as they stood behind several rows of trees, was intense and disorienting. So much so that she failed to understand the gravity and the turmoil that was simmering inside of her. To rationalise the wave of madness that she was experiencing, Rey once again mentally went over everything and considered her options.  

Maybe this wasn’t necessary.  

Maybe there was another way to get food for her mother's friend.  

Maybe she didn’t have to do this again. 

Starvation was a powerful tool to drive a person to its very edge. To strip them from options. To force them into committing terrible acts in order to survive.   

The night after burying Jonathan, an exile in his forties whose name Rey did not know, showed up at their house in the middle of the night with blinding rage in his eyes and an axe in his hands.   

He was painfully staved. So starved that he was willing to murder someone for some food. All because he heard someone saying that their house wasn’t as malnourished as others. Because someone whispered to him about the extra few kilograms of wheat that Rey gets every week thanks to the captain.  

That night he was willing to spill innocent blood just to fill his own belly. 

Probably even the blood of innocent children. 

Rey would never forget the rage in that man's eyes.  

Eyes that no longer hid the incredible complexities of human nature. 

Eyes that were no longer human. 

Eyes that only showcased madness. 

But the man miscalculated when Cassian and Poe wrestled him out of the house, after Rey ripped the sharp weapon out if his clutches. They threw him out of the house and into the snow. Rey clutched the axe to chest as the men on the house barricaded the door with furniture.  

That damned night, the realisation that the possibility of being murdered in their sleep seeped into the depths of her conscience, leading her and the others in her house to start sleeping with axes under all four beds in the house. 

Hunger very effectively reduced them to bloodthirsty animals.   

Hunger turned them into monsters.  

And hunger was about to take away Cassandra Bey’s life if she and Poe failed at this mission.  

And maybe, just maybe, this plan was an indication that Rey had become as mad as that man who tried to kill her. 

“We’re here.” She whispered, standing behind the tree.  

Poe, who was on her right, gripped the tree bark with his gloved hands as the two of them watched a few locals leave the warehouse that every exile went to on Sunday.  

The massive building that stood a few kilometres from their house, was half surrounded by dense trees and in the darkness of the night, the only light that either of them could see was coming from the slightly opened metal door.  

At least we won’t have to break in, she thought.  

The plan was simple: one person watches outside as the other person goes in and grabs as much food as possible and runs.  

At first, Poe fought Rey about her being the one to go in and commit the theft. But after some convincing and telling him that despite the fact that she was more physically broken from starvation then him, Rey was still incredibly swift, and she would be the better choice for this task.  

What she didn’t tell him, that one of the reasons why she wanted to go in instead of him, was because she had no idea what would happen to either of them if they got caught. The captain was out of the village and Vicrul was running the show in his place. And Rey didn’t know him. Unlike with Ben, she didn’t have a solid reason to trust him. She didn’t know how far he would go to punish someone for stealing. And if he was anything like that monster who sent her into exile, Rey would much rather be the one to get punished.  

“Wait.” She whispered to Poe as he grew impatient. The two of them watched three locals and Phasma standing next to the warehouse door. “Okay, that should be all of them.”  

“What do you mean?”  

“I’ve been studying the ins and outs of this warehouse. If the doors aren’t locked, there is always someone inside to make sure no one comes in to steal any food. But, it’s always the same five people going in and out. Phasma, Plutt and three locals. Plutt is not in the village so he can’t be inside, and the other four people are right there...”  As she said those words, Phasma was poking her finger on some papers, explaining something to the three men. “The timing of their ins and outs has always been consistent as well. I’m not sure exactly where or why they go at this hour, but for exactly ten minutes, they leave the warehouse door open with no one guarding the inside.”  

The two starved teenagers observed the four people that were having a rather heated discussion about something, as Phasma began aggressively pointing her finger on the paper and almost yelling something that Rey failed to hear.  

The tall woman wore a long brown wool coat and just like most women in the village, she had a thick headscarf wrapped around her head. The three local men wore the same vertically stitched work coat and hats and boots that were covered in some kind of brown animal fur. Rey wondered if it was a bear's coat or if there even were bears hibernating in those forests.  

“What you just described... This plan... It sounds exactly like the time when you were stealing food from those soldiers, all the way back home. And knowing how it ended for you...” There was a pause of seriousness before finally asked the question she was anticipating. “We had this conversation before, but are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want you to get hurt because of me, Rey.”  

Rey thought about it.  

Listening to Poe’s words, she thought about it one final time. 

But there was no need to ponder his question. 

The reality was that there were no other options of getting food.  

It was either she goes in and manages to steal some food or Cassandra dies.  

“If our situations were reversed, I know you would do this for me. So yes, I’m sure, Poe.” She reassured him with false confidence in her voice. He didn’t have to know how scared she was to do this.  

As Rey uttered those words, the discussion that was happening in front of the warehouse abruptly finished as the four of them started heading in the opposite directions.  

“This is it.” Rey whispered. “You stay here and keep an eye out here. And remember…” She grabbed his left hand, squeezing it. “If anyone comes, I don’t want you to signal or do anything irrational, okay? I need you to run back home. There’s no point in the both of us getting caught. Do you understand?”  

He was staring at her with wide eyes that showed surprise and fear.  

“What? This wasn’t the plan!” He hissed. “Then what’s the point of having me here if I cannot help you?” 

“I’m sorry...” She exhaled, “I wanted you here for moral support. I don’t want you to run head on into danger. If no one comes and I get out then we’ll come back together. If someone comes, then I’ll get back home by myself.” 

“And if you get caught-” He clicked his tongue, surpressing the urge to scream. “They’ll punish you.” He hissed.  

“Perhaps. But I have the captain on my side. And if anything does happen to me... I think he would try and help me. Out of all of us, I have the best odds of coming out of this alive. And besides...” She looked into his eyes, “Your mother needs you, Poe.” 

“Rey...” He said his name in a quiet pleading way. His way of trying to talk her out of something potentially crazy.  

But there was no point in trying to talk her out of it because even after weighing all the potential risks and considering all the terrible outcomes, the fact that this just had to be done still remained.  

“It’ll be alright... Just stay alert. And if anyone comes inside, run home.”  

She unclasped her hand from his and ran into the dim lited warehouse.  

-  

It took her about two minutes to break through the snow and finally enter the building. The sky finally erupted as large chunks of snow started falling from the sky. Rey felt a sense of relief, as their tracks would get covered 

This was hardly the first time she was inside the warehouse and on those days when she would stand in a line waiting for her grain to weighted, she was looking around and mentally mapping out the space and the inventory of the warehouse, so that when this day finally came she wouldn’t need to waste time looking for anything.  

The inside of the storage space was massive. Tall metal ceilings and a mezzanine floor further down that had tens of even hudreds of square haystacks neatly stacked on top of each other. There was an old looking tractor parked on the left side of the building, with various metal attachments placed next to it that Rey didn’t know the purpose of, and a large wardrobe that was attached to the wall with wooden planks.  

The right side of the building reminded her of horse stables but with lower wooden walls, that were used to separate and properly store different kinds of vegetables. The building itself was poorly lit with a single lightbulb hanging on the top with an exposed wire and loose hay that was littered all around the concrete floor.  

Just as she predicted, there wasn’t anyone inside and she was all alone in a massive building filled with food.  

Her eyes widened and her stomach churned as for the first time the realization sank in to what she was seeing.  

Despite the fact that she’s been inside this place before, it somehow never really dawned on her that despite the storage room being so full that everyone in the village could be properly fed, all of the people that were brought in trains were being purposefully starved.  

It had to a tactic to break them. A tactic to make them obey the bloodthirsty system. To force them to work themselves to the point of death, like Jonathan, in blind hope of earning more food than the week before. 

It had to be orchestrated on purpose. 

Dathan sometimes would say Hope is a fool's mother. When she was a young child, she didn’t like that saying at all. At that naive age, she still believed in good. But now, as she was once again committing the same crime, Rey agreed with her father's words.  

The fact was, no matter how hard they worked and how much wood they produced, none of them were going to earn any additional grain. And it was only hope that kept them going. 

Rey ran towards the storage space that stored all the tons of grain that was accumulated from previous seasons. As she made her way there, her left hand pulled a clean sock out of her pocket to used it as a tiny bag.  

Swiftly, she started pushing in as much grain as she could into the sock with her cold bare hand, her neck turning back and forth as she nervously kept glancing over her shoulder in fear that Phasma or one of the locals might come and catch her in the act.  

Just as Poe had described it, the situation she was in was almost exactly the same as it was the day she was forcefully shoved on that train leading to frozen hell on earth. And she felt the crippling fear of being caught again in the act of crime.  

The only major difference was that this time Rey was stealing food for the benefit of someone else. A prospect that half a year ago seemed unimaginable to the Rey who lived just for herself.  

The grain was already falling though the brim of the sock, so she shook the top off and twisted it, tying it into a single knot before putting it into her pocket.  

Her next targets were the potatoes, the beets and the carrots. An optional choice.   

And a rather ambitious and borderline reckless decision.  

Just like staying in that food truck longer than she needed to for the sake of feasting on those raspberries.  

In theory, if she stole just a couple of vegetables, Rey could make a nutritious soup for Cassandra. Maybe even for everyone else in their home.  

She could have a proper meal for the first time in months.  

Biting her lip deep enough for the skin to bleed, she suckled on the warm blood and pushed herself up from the hill of grain where she had been crouching and ran towards the potato pile across the dim lit warehouse.  

The inside of the building remained silent and empty of any life besides her.  

The stillness soothed her tense nerves, and it gave her hope that maybe there was a chance she could get come out of this unharmed.  

Pocketing two potatoes and three beets, she quickly crossed the vegetable storage space where on the opposite side of the building sat massive white bags that were generously filled with carrots.   

Her hands finally began to shake from the sudden adrenaline rush in her body.  

Rey broke into a sprint and ran as fast as her failing body allowed towards those carrots that sat on the northeast corner.  

This was it. The last thing she had to do before running outside to Poe.  

Her bony and pale hand opened one of the many bags and pulled out an orange carrot.  

All the vegetables that she’d so far had been on the larger side, which made her wonder if the ground that was frozen solid right now, was actually incredibly fertile. And maybe if they somehow acquired some seeds, they could grow their own vegetables.  

Maybe there was a chance of survival if they pulled through the winter.  

Rey closed the bag and pocketed the two carrots.  

Her mission was done.  

All she had to do now was run into the dark forest, where her house was.  

Where Cassandra was lying in bed and slowly letting her life slip away from her hands.  

But as she turned herself, her back now facing the white bags with carrots, Reys eyes met a pair of black eyes.  

Behind a desk that was filled with various kinds of books, sat a local man with his legs elegantly crossed.  

Rey knew that man.  

It was Anatoli Tico.  

Rose and Paige’s father.  

The man who helped the ‘criminals’ burry their own by lending his massive sled and digging shallow graves.  

“I- I...” Eyes wide in fear, her bloodied lips parted, Renata’s body started to shake from shock and fear as Anatoli stared at her with a calm expression.  

She got caught. 

Again. 

She was in the Baltics. In the open back truck with guns pointed at her.  

She was in Siberia. In a warehouse where the seasons harvest was being kept, staring at a pair of eyes that did not give much away. 

Warm tears started falling down her cheeks as it finally sank in that she’d just been caught stealing food.  

Rey was expecting for him to stand up, grab her by her forearm and start dragging her out of the warehouse, as those soldiers did, but Anatoli did nothing.  

He was so still and quiet it almost made sense how she didn’t even notice him sitting there.  

“Please...” Rey hiccupped as her hand slid into her pocket, gripping the sock filled with grain, “Please, let me go. We have a woman that’s about to die from starvation and I can’t...” Her voice died in her throat as she swallowed, “I don’t think I could handle burying her. I cannot handle any more death.” She said the words and it was like swallowing acid. 

His expression didn’t shift even the slightest. It was as if she was speaking in a language he did not understand. And Rey didn’t think he knew who she was talking about.  

But there was no time to process any of it because two voices coming the outside reached her ears.  

Before she could even process the gravity of the situation she found herself in, Anatoli grabbed her by the arm, just like the soldier and started dragging her.  

Rey’s legs almost gave out, and the same phantom pain went down her back. Her breathing rapidly picked up, hurting her cold worn lungs. Anatoli dragged towards the direction where the voices grew louder, and Rey couldn’t find the energy to resist it.   

Inhaling the cold wind, she whimpered weakly.  

Being dragged towards the people that were coming inside felt like running on a railway track towards a train that was coming in her direction – a bloody, messy and excruciating disaster but a guaranteed death.   

There was no more strength left in her to resist it.   

There was no way out of this.  

So, she closed her eyes and allowed the disaster to consume her. 

As the voices grew louder and Rey took a deep breath in preparation of what was about to happen, Anatoli suddenly stopped dragging her forward and pushed her his left.   

The man quickly opened the wardrobe and shoved her inside, whispering a quick be quiet.  

Panic attack consumed her, she was shaking like a lief, unable to take control of her body.   

“Four exiles already died.” A womans voice reached her. “My bet that many more will follow.”  

“So what? This was bound to happen. The rest of them can pick up the load.”  

Her eyes painfully wide from fear, hot tears ran down her cheeks as Rey placed her hand on her mouth, too afraid of making noise. The voice was unmistakable. She heard that voice in her nightmares.  

Unkar Plutt.  

“This could have been avoided if we...” She cut off, not finishing the sentence.  

“Shhh... Don’t think about them. Just keep filling in both books and everything will be alright, okay? Everything is okay. Besides, you can’t back out of the deal.”  

Both books?  

“A deal?” She scoffed. “I never agreed to a deal! You forced me into this!!”   

“Now, now. This wasn’t what you’ve told me the first time we spoke.” He replied, his voice slimy and threatening. “And besides, you know what will happen to you if you break this off. If I fall, Phasma, I will drag you down with me. So, my advice to you would be not to worry. Just relax and enjoy the perks, okay? We all must do things we mught not like to survive in this unforgivable climate.”  

These was a deafening pause that made Rey think that she was breathing too loud.  

“Okay.” The woman finally replied. “Okay... I’ll keep going.”  

“Perfect. Now bring back those three and have the warehouse locked. I’ll pour a glass of vodka for your undying loyalty.”  

The sound of distancing footsteps reached her ears. Rey released a quiet exhale that was pressing her chest for a few minutes. She should crack open the closet door and go for a sprint, but she felt too paralyzed and scared to even touch that door.  

It turned out that she didn’t need to worry if Plutt and Phasma was still inside, because Anatoli opened the door for her.   

“You must run now.” He whispered, staring at her with the same impassive expression.  

Rey slowly stepped out into the warehouse, her mind suddenly overwhelmed with the confusing conversation she accidentally overheard. Stepping towards the door that she came in from, her step halted.  

“Did they know you were here?” She whispered to Anatoli.  

Still using as little words as possible, Anatoli shook his head at her.  

“Do you know what they were talking about?”  

His expression suddenly fell. A look of unmistakable grief was painted all over his face.  

“You should run home before anyone finds you here.”  

Rey didn’t think she could feel so incredibly overwhelmed and insanely grateful at the same time.  

She bowed her head to the man and whispered thank you before running back into the freezing dark.  

-  

It was past eleven when she opened the door of her house.  

Every adult in the inside, besides Cassandra, jumped up from their beds with surprised expressions on their faces, as if they just saw a ghost enter their home.  

And after experiencing the type of fear she just did, maybe she was a ghost that had just come back from death to haunt them.  

But her pockets were still full, and she still couldn’t believe that she got out of that warehouse unharmed and not empty handed.  

Her plan had actually worked. 

But before she could even celebrate, there was one other thing that she still was incredibly worried about.  

Her eyes quickly scanned the small house when her gaze found the one person, she’d been worried sick about.  

“Rey!” Poe shouted and ran to hug her. She caught him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She exhaled from relief that that he wasn’t caught. “I saw Plutt and Phasma enter the warehouse. I wanted to run in, but I promised you I wouldn’t.” He confessed.  

She released herself from his embrace and looked at his brown eyes that were framed by long and thick eyelashes.  

“You did the right thing, Poe. I... Anatoli caught me stealing food...”   

Poe’s jaw went slack, and Kenobi approached her.  

“Did he do anything to you?” The old man pressed with deep concern in his voice. 

She shook her head.  

“No. He was the once who hid me when Plutt and Phasma came in. I think... I think he understands our situation more than we expected the locals would.”  

He nodded, suddenly deep in thought.  

“Jesus Christ, Rey. That could have ended so badly!”   

“I know, Poe.” She placed both hands on her face to cover it, as the horrible realization of what just happened sunk in. “I know.”  

Per Rey’s request, Poe and Kenobi stuffed a long cloth on the bottom and top of the door, to insulate the house as much as possible and closed the blinds on all the windows. They were all too paranoid about the smell of food escaping the house or anyone seeing them through the window.  

She took out the vegetables and the sock filled with grain out of her pockets and placed them on the table. After taking off both coats and washing her hands, Rey began making the soup by boiling water in a pot and washing and peeling the vegetables.  

No one in the house said a single word as she quietly prepared the soup all by herself.  

It was a tranquil process that no one dared to interrupt with their words.  

Her eyes would sometimes jump back and forth from the task at hand and the woman that was the main reason for committing theft. 

And she knew that if Poe and Rey risking their lives in order to get the food for her didn’t stir anything in her, nothing would.  

The dark red soup was finally done and she removed the pot from the stove, placing it on the large table. Taking a clean bowl into her hand, Rey poured the first bowl of soup for Cassandra and nodded at everyone else that they could eat.  

Everyone circled around the pot, pulling out the bowls and chattering in a very joyous manner, which made Rey happy. There was a feeling of comfort and proudness over the fact that she managed to provide food for the people that she loved.  

Holding the steaming bowl of soup, Rey took a seat in front of Cassandra. Her messy black hair was spilled all over the pillow, her brown eyes half open, but lifeless, as if she was already dead.  

The teenager sat in the same spot where Poe would sit and spend hours begging and pleading his mother to get up. But none of his words managed to reach his mother's heart. Maybe she really didn’t care about anything.  

Maybe they have already lost her.  

But maybe the only way to get her to care was to reveal to Cassandra the dark vein that pulsed in her plan. And if cruelty was the anwser to getting her back, Rey would become a monster. 

“I’ve put myself in danger for a chance to save your life.” She took a deep breath before adding the second part. “I put your son in danger to get some food for you.” She spoke in a serious voice. “I asked him to accompany me in stealing some food from the warehouse, fully knowing how badly it could end if either of us got caught.”  

The words did stir something in Cassandra, because for the first time in seemed like weeks, her eye’s met Reys.  

“And I will do it again if I have to. I will endanger your only son all over again. Do you hear me?”  

The womans eyebrows scrunched and her eye’s began watering.  

“I know how excruciating painful it is to lose your mother. That pain that rips your heart into pieces and the ache never goes away no matter how much time passes.” Rey’s eyes began swelling with tears as something inside of her unexpectedly broke. “But my God Cassandra, I don’t think that I could bare to lose you as well, when you so selflessly filled the gaping wound in my heart that was left by my mother's death.”  

Small droplets rolled down her cheeks, falling into the bowl of soup that Rey was still holding helplessly.  

A teenager who was soon to become a young woman, a seventeen year who was about to become eighteen, was reduced to a small girl who was once again crying for her mother. 

“Please...” She whispered, “We need you.”  She cried. 

A pair of slender hands wrapped around the bowl as it got gently taken out of Rey’s hands and placed on the tiny table that sat next to the bed.  

Cassandra pulled Rey into a weak embrace, clasping her frail arms around her.  

“Thank you, my child.” She whispered into Reys shoulder. “My daughter.” She sighed. 

The two women broke down crying in each others hands and Cassandra placed her hand on Rey’s and whispered to her. “I will try to get better for the both of you. And... I’m so sorry for everything.”  

More tears rolled down her cheeks, a product of profound relief from the pressure that had been building up for weeks.   

Cassandra wouldn’t die.  

She would live. 

Her new mother figure, the woman who she’d gotten really close to, would not follow her own mother into the cold grave. 

She felt light and happy at the same time. Rey couldn’t ask for more at that moment. 

But when she raised her head from Cassandra’s shoulder, her eyes met Poe’s.  

She thought that maybe it was the exhaustion or maybe the layer of tears skewing her vision.  

Because what she saw was not a face of relief or happiness that his mother finally rose from the bed.  

It was a look of disdain. 

- 

The following day, after Plutt’s morning barge in, Rey and the others made their way to the forest without Cassandra by their side. Although she was managed snap out of the grief induced paralysis, the woman had been greatly weakened both physically and mentally, so a decision was made for her to stay behind until she felt strong enough to go back to work. 

It was a relief to see her living once again and her efforts have not gone to waste. 

But no matter how much she tried not to think about it, Rey still couldn’t help but think about what happen in that warehouse. 

Did Anatoli tell his people about the theft? Did Rey give the natives of this land the confirmation they needed that the Balts that were brough here were in fact criminals? Did she, through her reckless actions, potentially create an even bigger rift between the two people? 

All those heavy thoughts swirled in her head almost obsessively, as she and Poe were debranching a tree that they just cut. 

She knew that there was only one way to find out.  

“It’s almost lunch break. I’m going to look for Anatoli Tico. You can rest.” 

“What for?” Poe released the handle of the saw and aggressively scratched his head. 

She could feel that something inside of him shifted since yesterday. His worry and stubbornness to keep everything inside had morphed into something different. She couldn’t prove it, but Rey was certain that Poe’s silent anger was directed at her.  

When she came up with that plan, Rey had been almost certain that once he found out that Poe was just a pawn in that plan, he would get angry. Upset even for her pretending like he was crucial part of the plan, just to find out that she only needed him there to stir his mother's numbed out emotions through her son in danger. 

She understood why he would be angry at her. Rey didn’t expect any other reaction. 

But she had an inkling that his anger towards was a bit more complicated than that. 

Asking him and talking this through would be the most straight forward option, but Rey had more pressing issues to at hand. 

“I need to talk to him.” 

“Rey-!” His voice was cut short, as Rey began pacing towards the direction where he usually worked. 

Stepping through the tall snow and passing through trees that were being cut down, she placed one large step in front of the other until seven minutes later Rey found the man stacking firewood onto a large sled. 

She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts and calming her nerves. 

“Anatoli Tico,” She spoke loudly at first, removing her scarf from her mouth, "forgive me for interrupting your work, but may I have a word with you?” The words came out calm and almost confident, but her body language showed traces of paranoia as she looked around to see if anyone else was around them. 

The man straightened his back and ran a hand over his forehead. 

“What for?” 

“It’s about yesterday.” She whispered. 

He sighed and sat down on the sled. It was then that she saw how tired he looked. His face, that was stern and steady just a month ago was now exhausted and aged by at least ten years as the wrinkles around his eyes deepened and his underbags became darker. 

“There is nothing to talk about. I was at home with my daughter and my granddaughter yesterday evening. I couldn’t have seen anything.” 

Only one daughter. 

Paige, she thought to herself.  

Of course, the trial was probably still happening. 

“I’m really sorry about, Paige. I hope her innocence gets proven and she’ll be back home to you soon.” 

Anatoli shook his head as tears rolled down the man's cheeks. 

“Benjamin called me today. She got sentenced to fifteen years of prison, somewhere West, where our borders end.” 

A sudden wave of weakness washed over her, and her vision briefly went dark. “Fifteen years? For putting a newspaper with that mons-“She stopped herself, before realising that saying that word out loud could also get her into trouble. “that man’s face on the ground?” 

He nodded. 

“By the time my daughter comes back to us, her own daughter will be a woman herself.” He wiped the tears with his right hand. The fragility in his voice broke her heart. She wanted to say how sorry she was, how absolutely devastating this must be for him and how her heart ached for him. A man that was on one hand a stranger and a reliable ally on the other. But before she could say any of it, Anatoli continued. 

“So no, Renata Solana, you do not have to worry about yesterday. I understand why you were there, and truth be told, I was surprised your people haven’t done that sooner.” 

Her brows furrowed. All emotions of sympathy got shoved as she couldn’t help but notice that there was something hidden behind his careful phrasing.  

A missing puzzle piece, perhaps. 

“Why? Is it because of the supposed consequences that come with committing theft, or does it have to do with what Plutt said?” 

“I do not know what you’re referring to.” He said flatly. 

“Two books. Plutt said something about Phasma keeping two books. Do you know what he was referring to? Is that the reason why we’re being starved to death?”  

For a while Anatoli didn’t say anything. He stared at Rey with an expression that she did not understand. 

Rey knew that she hit a bull's eye with her remark, but the fact that he was being silent scared her for some reason. 

And when the man finally spoke, a chill went down her spine. 

“Do you know whose house you’re living in? It was almost empty when you came to live there, but it was clear that someone lived there not that long ago.” Rey shook her head, not knowing where this was going. “Two years ago, a man named Andrei lived in that house with his wife and their two teenage children. Andrei was the brigade leader of this village for a few years. A man who was born right here in this village like tens of generations before him had. That was until a letter from the government came to his house, telling him that he and his family are being sent away to the Northeast of Siberia for corruption. For stealing resources from The Great Peoples Union.” Anatoli stood and pulled out packet of cigarettes and lit one with a match. “That man…His name...” He rubbed his eyes with thumb as more tears came. “His name was Andrei Tico and he was my younger brother.” 

“Anatoli, I’m so sorry-“Her voice shook as she realised what he was about to say. 

“They disgrace my brother, they send him and his family, my sister-in-law, my niece and nephew somewhere far away where letters don’t even reach.” He paused as the pain that was woven into his words expanded. “They keep ripping my family away from me.” He wiped the tears that escaped his eyes with his right hand that held the cigarette. 

“And on top of that, to further discredit my family, the position of the brigade leader that in compliance to all the papers should have been passed down to me, gets passed down to Unkar Plutt. A random man somewhere from the South.” The bitterness in his voice was frightening. “And when I start looking into the circumstances of his arrival, when I find information to help the Captain with his investigation, what happens next? My own daughter gets immediately ripped away out of my hands.” 

He finished the cigarette and threw the bud into the snow. 

“My advice to you, child, would be to forget what you’ve heard. If you want to protect your people, forget about yesterday.” 

“What about the Captain? Does he know?” She pressed. 

“No. But if he does find out…Let’s just say I don’t think Plutt would try to get rid of him by sending him away or staging some incriminating evidence. Plutt has built a web of his supporters, and whoever becomes a danger to him gets eliminated.”