Chapter Text
Perhaps were it a different day, in a different situation, the group surrounding a giant oaken table stretched across the room would have had an appreciation for where they were. Large, ostentatious ornaments of red and blue draped across the renovated space. Tapestries spun so elegantly one had to wonder if one person could really complete such a feat in a single lifetime adorned the walls, speckled with golden beads that rode swirling crests of thread that shimmered in the light breaking through giant bay windows.
A gloved, slender finger lightly traced along the rounded patterns of the table, eyes the color of a clear afternoon sky following along and hooded by thick, blonde lashes. She didn't want to be here. These meetings were a chore for her to endure, sitting for possibly hours in silent boredom. In the past, she'd been able to get away with skipping any meetings that didn’t catch her interest under Queen Liane's rule. However, with Her Majesty's untimely passing, new, stricter leadership had come into play, and Princess Kendra was far beyond wanting to be under such a tyrannical thumb.
She sighed silently under her fashionable scarf wrapped delicately under her braided golden hair and around her mouth, a thin baby blue with threaded silver loops coasting throughout. This was everyone's favorite for her to wear, after all, it brought out the blue of her bright eyes so 'beautifully' as they all put it. Perhaps the back part of her mind hoped that they would be distracted by her eyes enough for them to listen to her opinions. More often than not, she was at the very least heard, but when it came down to it, the King was the only favor she needed to procure, and it was far too rare that he let her quandaries linger too long.
"Are ya feelin' all right, Yer Highness?" the voice across the empty seat beside her questioned. She looked over to the paladin in question, blinking slowly to chase the bleariness of tedium from her gaze. Butters smiled at her, knowing that look. She'd been distracted yet again, something that never irked him in the slightest. Then again, most things didn't. "Are you all right?" he repeated.
She nodded and he smiled approvingly, turning to continue his discussion with the thief to his left. Kendra sighed in boredom, sight slivering over Craig, Tweek, and Garrison all sitting there looking just as disinterested as herself as they waited for their king.
"The hell is taking that little bastard so goddamn long?" The duke complained, taking a large drink of the ruby wine resting in his goblet.
"Be careful," Tweek whispered nervously, eyes darting around. "He'll hear you!"
Garrison looked at him, unimpressed. "Why the living hell are you a warrior if you can't even deal with a goddamn question?"
"I don't know!" he exclaimed, scratching wildly at his hair. "The King made me!"
"Calm down," the rogue beside him sighed, patting Tweek's arm lightly. "Let's just get this meeting fucking over with and we can go back to doing our thing."
"You mean each other?" Garrison smirked, snorting as Craig flipped the elder off without so much as a glance. Kendra rolled her eyes at the show, twirling a strand of hair around her finger carelessly. Every single time it was like this: An endless string of petty arguments that would no doubt make their way back into the true debates of their congregation.
They all looked over as the heavy door of the room swung open, a boastful, heavy brunette lingering in the way. He glanced at the group surrounding his table and nodded approvingly. "Good, you're all here."
"Well, we like to get to these meetings on time," Garrison slurred with a cocked brow. "Perhaps His Majesty can follow example."
"Watch it," he warned, stepping inside and waving off his guard, slamming the door behind him. "I have the power to cut you down now, Your Grace. Don't fucking forget that." The man rolled his eyes and waved off the notion dismissively as the king made way to his seat. He settled comfortably, looking around the group with calculative amber eyes, a smirk slicing through his round face. He folded his hands and set them on the table, "And how are we today?"
Butters raised his brows curiously and cocking his head, "Confused as to why we're having an impromptu meeting, Your Majesty."
"Perhaps I wanted to see all your lovely faces," he cooed.
Craig rolled his eyes, "Cut the crap, Cartman. Why are we here?"
The king huffed, "Don't forget where you stand with me, Craig," he pointed at him.
He smacked his lips dryly, "I work for the Princess, not you. I don't care about your damn title."
Cartman grumbled under his breath before sighing impatiently. "Whatever. Fine, I called you all here because we need to discuss the elf problem," he raised his brow.
"Oh dear lord, not again," Garrison put his hand on his forehead.
Even as a young prince, Cartman had had an affinity for trying to destroy the Drow Elves living across the land of Zaron in their kingdom of Larnion. Luckily his mother had been there to keep it in control, having a rocky but still visible friendship with Queen Sheila. Their amity resulted in several large conflicts being avoided, but humans and elves alike found themselves staring out into the barren land between their kingdoms, just waiting for the other side to emerge from beyond the horizon. While the grounds between them had the declaration of being neutral, that only seemed to apply when it came to royalty themselves declaring war, travelers of both races locking into bloody conflict if they happened to pass one another.
"Eric, they haven't done anything for years!" the Duke reminded him firmly.
He shrugged, "But tensions still remain high."
Butters pouted, "Well...well, they don't trust us. I mean, we kinda did destroy part of their sacred forest." The group fell into a collective somberness, remembering the absolute fury flying from the Drow on that day. The magic and arrows soaring at them, cutting through the sky like needles and destroying countless humans who dared to raise axes to their beloved woodlands that stretched into the outskirts of the neutral territory of Atios. The ground had split, tree limbs had come to life in a grabbing and throwing rage, the humans forced to retreat and leave their deforestation ideals in the dust.
Eric shook his head and cleared his throat, "That was an accident and we all know it."
"Yeah, because the prince telling his mommy 'I found the perfect place for a new restaurant, Mehm' and avoiding mentioning to the Queen exactly where he planned to put it is 'accidental'," Craig air quoted with a cocked brow.
He shrugged, "Perhaps I thought it could bring a mutual love of an area to both our races," he replied smoothly.
"Uh huh," Garrison scoffed. "That's why you altered the map to take out that section so she wouldn't know it was part of Larnion, right?"
"Hey! I did not call you all here for a trial against your king!" he snapped. He took a deep breath and settled slightly. "In fact, I want to discuss the possibility of a peace treaty with those dirty elf bastards."
Craig rolled his eyes, "Because nothing speaks 'I wish to be your ally' than calling them dirty bastards."
"Look, regardless of our alliance, they're always going to be conniving pieces of shit," he frowned. "But were we in an accordance, their filthy black arts could come in handy."
Butters frowned, "It ain't 'black arts', Your Majesty. They work with nature, a-and find spirit within themsel-"
"Shut up, Butters," he snapped, Butters' lips sealing immediately. "My point is we live in very tumultuous times, Gentlemen...And My Lady," he nodded to Kendra who blinked back confusedly. She knew as well as any other Cartman's distaste for having enemies becoming potential allies. He'd dismissed every other kingdom's offer that didn't have the 'cliental' that he believed to be of any use. The Jersians and the Canadians alike had come forward, each of them angrily stomping away as the Wizard King had told them their kingdoms were better left to befriending the rats than his 'glorious' land of Kupa Keep. "So, I propose we offer them something to forge our alliance in stone."
"Like?" Tweek blinked. "We don't have the land to offer them, they don't want it anyway!"
"I'm well aware," he replied coolly. "Besides, I won't let those bastards take ownership of mah property."
Garrison rubbed his temple tiredly, "Then what do you propose? The only item they'd consider to be of any value is The Stick, and they already hold ownership of that."
He nodded curtly, "Tell me, what is the elves' greatest issue with us?"
"We nearly destroyed their sacred forest," Craig said dryly.
"Our king calls them dirty bastards," Garrison added with another sip of merlot.
Butters nodded, “And in the long, long ago, we kidnapped the Larnion king and publicly tort-“
“No!” The king rolled his eyes, "You’re overthinking it. Unusual for the lot of you. The problem they have is that we're human. And they don't trust humans."
"Well...well, we can't exactly change our species, Your Majesty," Butters pouted.
Cartman nodded, "I'm more than aware, Butters. However, only a spark is needed to let the wildfire spread."
"We're not burning down their forest, Eric," Garrison bit.
"No, you fucking moron, not literally," he rubbed his eyes and sighed irritably. "I mean we only need one human and one elf to get along, show both sides of the species lineages that we can coexist."
Kendra narrowed her eyes skeptically, grasping a pile of small parchment from the outer scarf pocket lining her cotton candy skirt. She dabbed a quill set next to her with a pristine, curling feather and dabbled it within her ink, quickly scribbling down a message and sliding it over to the king. 'And why would you want to see such a collaboration?'
Cartman read over it and chuckled, looking at the Princess with a smirk. "My Lady, it's for the potential advancement of Zaron," he said innocently. "My mother and that Queen Jersian were friends, but they never quite achieved the tranquility of our land. But we can...with your help," he gestured to her. She blinked, looking at all the other bewildered expressions before landing back on the heavyweight before her. She pointed to herself with a gloved hand and he nodded in confirmation.
"Uh, what is the Princess supposed to do?" Tweek blinked. "She can't make the negotiations!"
"She is the negotiation," Cartman said smugly, turning back to face the front and glancing at his men cooly. "The elder elven prince," he said nonchalantly.
Garrison cocked his brow, "Yeah. Kyle. What about him?"
He grinned, "He turned twenty-one just this last week."
"And you want to send him a fucking present?" Craig asked dryly.
"Great idea, Eric!" Butters clapped.
The king rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently. "Not. Quite," he hissed through his teeth, shooting the paladin a look to cease his incessant applause. "I mean he's now of courting age."
"Okay..." Garrison nodded suspiciously.
"I suggest that we propose the union of that dirty tree hugger and our beloved princess," he gestured towards the princess who looked at him in utter shock. He couldn't be serious. Cartman looked at all the stunned faces surrounding him and chuckled, "Think about it: We'll have an arrangement where a human will be part of the ruling force of Larnion."
Kendra narrowed her eyes, grabbing yet another paper and angrily scripting yet another response, throwing it at him haphazardly. 'Does that mean that you will take an elven wife to keep it even?'
He scoffed and threw the paper back at her head, watching it bounce off her rouged cheek without so much as a flinch from the frustrated woman. "No," he said sharply. "Besides, he'll be king, you won't hold as much power in the long run."
"In Larnion, the queen holds nearly all the power," Butters inputted quietly.
"For this generation, yes," he agreed. "But Kahl is as stubborn as his mother. Has her Jersian blood flowing through him," he shuddered. "When he gets the throne, I'm sure he'll be just as persistent as he was when I used to see him as children on those rare civil disputes." The King twisted his lips, staring at the table angrily at the memory of the boy he hadn't seen in nearly a decade. Dirty copper hair stacked onto his head in thick, matted curls. A loud, high pitched and irritated voice that disputed every single thing that Cartman ever said. A complete and downright snobbish attitude when it came to the human race, commenting on how being creatures of mere violence and no harmonious magics to balance them made for no sense in how they’d thrived as a species.
After Eric had made a retorting note of how ridiculously horrid the elf's mother was, Kyle had leaped on top of him and they'd began rolling around in the dirt of Kupa Keep's courtyard kicking and punching at each other for nearly ten minutes before a group of servants had found them and pried them apart, toting them back to their mothers to be lectured side-by-side as noses bled and eyes bruised. Cartman never forgot the look that the elf had given him; The clashing emerald stare that may as well have been his death warrant as scathing as it was.
The Duke held up his hand and waved it in front of him, grabbing his attention once again. "Hold on, Eric. What the hell makes you think that the Drow would agree to this to begin with?"
"Well, we need to convince them," he replied dryly. "We remind them of my mother and that Jersian Queen's ultimate goal: We let Kahl stay in the kingdom as opposed to him being married off somewhere where he'd be required to relocate outside of Larnion. You know that elves just hate to lose each other," he rolled his eyes.
Butters pouted, "Well, all they have is each other. They hold their families very spec-"
"For the love of God, Butters, I don't need a fucking lore lesson on the goddamn Drow!" he snapped, sending him recoiling into his seat in fright. The king sighed irritably, "Look, I think that a potential union is the best option. For both sides. Kahl courts Lady Kendra, they marry, they rule Larnion, I keep Kupa Keep, and we join forces in the happenstance that someone should decide they want to interfere with Zaron's affairs."
Craig tapped his finger on the table and clicked his tongue. "And... if the prince doesn't have favor for Kendra?"
"That's why we need to convince the king and queen. If they decide on the union, then the prince doesn't get a choice in the matter," he said smugly. "A contract will be forged and unless all three of us monarchs decide to absolve the arrangement, then there's no avoidance."
Kendra took a deep breath, slowly working out another sheet of paper to slide over. 'I don't like the idea of not having my own choice in the matter.'
Cartman read over with a scrutinizing eye and scoffed, "Princess, Kahl's the best you could probably do. He's probably the only monarch in these lands that wouldn't beat you or force you to stay in the fucking kitchen," he rolled his eyes. "You have to marry royalty, why the fuck wouldn't you want someone close to home?"
She narrowed her eyes, snagging the paper back, her quill hurriedly being re-inked and shaking her head as she wrote. A long breath escaped her, biting her lip to keep herself from losing her temper. She passed the paper back over and crossed her arms as Cartman read through. 'But an elf? I know nothing about their culture! I barely know the royal family themselves!'
The king sighed tiredly, "You would be courted first, Lady Kendra. You would learn of the elves. You would get to know the kingdom before marrying into it. Don't you want our kingdoms to be joined?" he asked, snagging the quill from her hand and slowly writing a silent message back. "This is the chance of a lifetime," he continued casually. "You would be the princess who helped save Zaron from turmoil." He slid the paper back over, watching those sea blue eyes reading over his note, the worry on her face quickly spreading under the shroud of her scarf. She looked at him in silence and he smirked, turning back to face the men. "Opinions?"
"Not like it matters, you'll do whatever the fuck you want," Garrison rolled his eyes. The king shrugged and laughed in agreement and the duke sighed. "Yeah. I mean. If you can get the king and queen to agree, then I don't really see any harm in the idea."
"What if the elves use this against us?" Craig input. "What if they think it's a sign of weakness, that we need them for any impending wars? They could think it's a perfect time to take advantage of us."
Butters frowned, "The Drow are inherently against violence unless it's called for. They fight t' protect their people, not t' cause trouble."
Tweek bit his lip, "But what if they change their minds?!"
Cartman rolled his eyes, "Calm the fuck down. I highly doubt they'd be foolish enough to attack us without cause." The group all looked at each other with blank expressions. "So, we're all in agreement then?" The lot shrugged skeptically, and he chuckled. "Butters, send a message requesting permission to enter Larnion," Cartman ordered. "Tell them the cause, but request that they not inform Kahl of the arrangement."
"Why?" Garrison questioned slowly.
Cartman smirked, "You know how he is."
"No. I don't. I haven't seen him in over ten years. Like you haven't," he reminded him firmly.
The smirk dropped and a scowl slowly took hold. "I doubt he's changed all that much. He'd fight against it, I'm sure. This needs left up to the rulers, not the next-in-lines." He looked at Butters and nodded curtly. "Go inform a runner."
"Yessir," he saluted, standing and bowing briskly before turning on his heel and running out the door.
Cartman looked to the other three, "You're all excused. Craig and Garrison, you will be accompanying myself and the princess to Larnion if plans go through accordingly." He looked over at a pouting, nervous Tweek. "Tweek, you will be staying here, do you understand?"
"Why can't Tweek go?" Craig demanded.
"Because someone in my counsel has to stay here, and Butters knows the Drow better than any of us," he said smartly. "Now, go," he bit.
Craig opened his mouth to argue before sighing and shaking his head with a low growl, pushing away from the table and practically storming out of the room with Tweek on his tail. Garrison grabbed his goblet and gave him a half-toast. "Great. Make Craig angry. That's a great way to keep your ass protected on the carriage ride," he scoffed, gulping down the last of his wine before finally following the two of them out of the room.
Kendra and Cartman stayed still until the door firmly closed behind them before they looked at each other, the princess taking an angry breath.
"Why are you making me do this?" he asked bitterly.
The king smirked. "Because. You're an advantage in my court. So we'll make you the liability in Kahl's."
"I have no interest in hurting the Drow, Cartman," he said. "They've done nothing to us."
He shrugged casually, "Then you have no interest in your sister being safe?"
He fell silent, jaw subtly trembling under his scarf. Cartman placed a thick hand on his shoulder and he jerked away, his eyes glazing over darkly. "You're not playing fair," he hissed.
He leaned towards him and cocked his brow. "Oh? Well why don't we play fair? Why don't we tell all the kingdom our little secret, Kinny?" he snapped. "Why don't we let the fucking land fall into fucking disrepair?"
"You told me my job was to just stay fucking quiet," he replied. "There was no talk of me fucking marrying into another kingdom!"
"You took on the role of the princess," he reminded him sharply. "You think the kingdom is okay with you just sitting there looking fucking pretty? You need to take action to better the kingdom!"
"I do-"
"I don't mean your fucking little charity and food banquets," he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, they adore you for that, but talk is starting. You've been of courting age for months and haven't made a single step towards finding a suitor!"
Kenny rolled his eyes, "Kind of hard considering my current circumstance, Fatass!"
"Watch it," he warned. He got to his feet and took a deep breath. "I know the circumstance makes it hard, that's why I'm setting you up in a situation that the Drow can't get out of."
"What if they kill me when they find out? Which they will if I’m getting married.”
He shrugged, Kenny gritting his teeth. “That’s not my problem. Just remember just where your duties lie: To me," he pointed to himself firmly. "Either you woo that fucking elf dickhead, or your sister gets to have fun being made into someone else's servant," he said lowly. "She's with a kind old woman now, but the men at the bars sure wouldn't mind a pretty young lady like her at their beck and call," he cocked his brow.
He watched with a smarmy grin as Kenny shot onto his feet. "You fuck," he snarled, fists clenching.
"So we have an agreement then?" Cartman smirked. Kenny trembled, glaring in silence and the king chuckled, patting his arm. "Good," he said in a chipper tone. "We'll discuss your assignment in the morning. I suggest you pick out your finest attire to bring along with you," he smiled sweetly. "Oh, and," he reached up to grab Kenny's chin and shake it. "You may want to shave the stubble. Rather noticeable up close," he smirked, turning on his heel and heading out the door. Kenny watched after him in silence, shakily putting his hands on the table and sitting back in his chair. He placed his face in his gloved palms and shook his head. Once more, as he found himself doing time and again each day since he was a mere five years old, he regretted every second of the life he'd placed himself into.