Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“i’m going out,” moondae calls.

lee sejin shouts back, “have a safe trip!” he briefly catches the sight of moondae nodding before the blond disappears behind their front door.

even so, again? park moondae sure goes out a lot recently. it’s at a rate that’s defeating lee sejin’s own records and even ryu cheongwoo’s. of course, it isn’t wrong, he just can’t help but notice.

the expression on lee sejin’s face starts to morph into a more contemplative, curious one.

some mornings, shin jaehyun is a little cute. just a little.

the perfect idol cheongryeo wakes up as shin jaehyun whose bed hair during off days are somehow always uncontrollable. when checking VTIC's reality shows or channel content though, this version never exists for the public consumption. so only park moondae and several other people have seen how wild the cowlicks of shin jaehyun's dark hair can get. he sleepily yawns, though even that messy look is pretty with his face, and rolls out of the bed sluggishly, unwilling to part from the warmth. this one — this face of shin jaehyun, other than his parents and family perhaps in the first life before the regressions, park moondae is sure only he has seen it. not even the VTIC members have seen shin jaehyun slow and unpurposeful.

it lasts only about two minutes each day though, because he's still a scary guy. by the time shin jaehyun finds park moondae by the kitchen counter, he's wholly awake and conscious already, clinging to park moondae who is preparing light breakfast and hugging his waist.

today's shin jaehyun disregards his wild bed hair and presses a kiss onto park moondae's neck and murmurs, voice still gravely, “good morning.”

it sends a shiver down moondae's spine, though he won't ever show it. the hand that isn't holding a wooden spatula comes down to gently pat the back of shin jaehyun's hand as a greeting. shin jaehyun replies by adorably nuzzling into park moondae — which is equal parts dangerous and annoying as it is endearing.

“stop that, i'm cooking.”

“your omelets are always delicious, moondae-ssi.” shin jaehyun presses a kiss onto his cheek.

he doesn't need to take his eyes off the pan to know that shin jaehyun is smiling again, the usual one. the eye smile he's infamous for, combined with the genuine tick of his mouth that's only reserved for certain people — park moondae can practically hear it in his voice. for less than a millisecond, he too gets infected by the smile, though moondae drops it like it burns.

“go sit down on the table. breakfast will be done in a minute.”

shin jaehyun clarifies, “i don't care about breakfast.” ‘i care more about hugging you’ is not said, only heavily implied by the slightest petulant hint in his lowering voice.

“hey, shin jaehyun,” he firmly warns.

“.. fine.” a rare moment of quick concession — that's a lie. in that instant, shin jaehyun cups park moondae's jaw — always gently, always gently, never at all forceful — and pecks his lips. a soft, chaste kiss. his eyes flutter open as they part and his smile widens. shin jaehyun's whole being seems to sparkle under the orange-tinted morning light streaming through the apartment's window, filtered through white-transparent curtains and casting a shadow on neutral-toned walls of their home, leaving a trail of light against shin jaehyun's figure, standing close by the counter. something warmer, more human — his cowlicks are still crazy and distracting and his smile habitually looks colder than other people's, and yet his shoulders are loose and relaxed and he looks well-rested and content. a far cry from the VTIC cheongryeo park moondae remembers taking pictures of during his data pal days — that person was a stranger. this shin jaehyun on the other hand is such an annoying guy for sure — but when his happiness is palpable and when his touch is this tender, how can park moondae not let himself be strung along, led by familiar hands and an even more familiar smile?

the man leaves moondae be, stating he's going to feed kongi first before breakfast. by the time the table is set and the meals are prepared, moondae's portion of the omelet is a little bit burnt. shin jaehyun, graciously, mentions nothing.

“you look cold. should i turn up the heating?”

“there’s no need,” comes the quick reply. “i’ll grab a blanket instead.” park moondae briefly leaves, beelining for the cabinets in jaehyun’s room where he knows blankets are usually stored in neat folds. without even seeing, jaehyun can already guess that he picks out the yellow blanket again — it’s a favorite of his. less of a color thing though, jaehyun is sure, and more of a texture thing, despite the abundance of yellow his junior does own. it’s the softest ones out of the bunch that he has stored, after all. whether park moondae knows it or not, jaehyun is more than familiar with his tastes towards things like these.

by the time jaehyun turns off the sink and quickly wipes off his hands., all the plates used during dinner safely drying on the rack now, park moondae is already back on the couch, a pillow propping his back and the familiar yellow blanket splayed all over his lap while his eyes raptly pay attention to whatever’s on the screen. he doesn’t bother resisting the urge to shuffle closer and lean in, pressing a kiss onto park moondae’s forehead. unusually, instead of monitoring, park moondae has a video of a dog being groomed — it’s a cute pomeranian, all white and fluffy like a cloud, standing cheerily while the groomers work their magic on her.

“can you make some space, hubae-nim,” he says, scooting over. despite the phrasing, it’s more of a demand than a request, really.  “i’ll get in too.”

there’s a small murmur of: “fine,” along with a sigh, the force of it slightly held back. jaehyun chuckles lightly, though they fall together with ease — jaehyun’s arm looped around moondae’s shoulders, the blanket now shared between the two. he shifts closer, trying to get into a more comfortable position and park moondae instinctually lies his head over jaehyun’s chest. reflexive and spontaneous — something his junior would’ve never done in their earlier days of dating, let alone their disastrous beginning of knowing each other. that, well. to be honest, jaehyun still holds a lot of regrets over those days — though, what is done is done and it’s unchangeable. it’s a testament to how endless park moondae’s patience seems to stretch, he thinks, that he’s still somehow here with him.

on the screen, the pomeranian is enjoying some sort of jacuzzi and being shampooed, the fur on top of her head shaped into a funny swirl as the groomers giggle. kong is asleep in the other room, a rare occurrence. they’d been taking a lot more walks recently and just this morning, jaehyun and moondae both have enough time off to play with kong in a park, albeit at an ungodly hour as usual — lest they get recognized by stray passersby or any fans around.

and because jaehyun isn’t one to restrain himself around his junior, he murmurs against moondae’s blond hair, interest taken by the screen as well, “are you trying to cheat on our kid?” he supposes there’s merit in these kinds of grooming videos — some sort of calming effect, is it? it’s a bit different compared to park moondae’s usual mixture of funny and cute sloth videos or fox videos though.

“your kid,” moondae weakly protests. his eyes briefly flit to meet jaehyun’s, but soon finds their way back to the white pomeranian being dried off. “you’re the appa, not me.”

they both know that whenever VTIC is in active period or has a tour, or whenever jaehyun himself has a solo promotion to prepare for, moondae — as long as his schedule allows — stops by to check on kong.

“you have kongi’s dog sitter saved on your phone in case of emergencies. you have contacts of all the vets nearby saved. you text me about our kong’s condition more often than you ask for mine during my active periods,” jaehyun bites back.

he doesn’t even need to glance down to know what kind of tibetan fox face park moondae is wearing at the moment.

a loss is a loss though and jaehyun is nothing if not a petty winner who will brag his rights. his finger quickly taps pause on moondae’s phone screen, the surprise causing his junior to fumble with the phone slightly. before moondae can react even further, jaehyun’s hand catches his chin, tilting it upward. he feels his lips twitch into a more genuine smile — not the default one always etched on his face — and sees for a split second moondae’s smallest amount of surprise in his widening eyes, before they meet in a kiss. chaste and simple, yet too long to be a peck.

park moondae doesn’t even bother asking what that was, too used to jaehyun’s antics by now.

Apple: (ID: link of an online store selling dog toys)

CHR: (ID: 20 photos of kong lounging at home in different angles and varying proximity)

CHR: for kong-ah's birthday? thank you ^^

“it’s a surprise, it’s a surprise!” lee sejin singsongs, playing with their building’s lift access card with nimble fingers. the security of their current accommodation really is trustworthy, ever since they’ve moved here, there haven't been problems with break-ins or paparazzi. ryu cheongwoo flashes a smile and nods in greeting towards the receptionist who regards TeSTAR warmly back, seon ahyeon trailing behind him and mimicking cheongwoo’s example with a shyer smile of his own. cha eugene and kim raebin are busy bickering again — this time about the updates cha eugene sent throughout their day off period. bae sejin inwardly suppresses a sigh — these guys are always so rowdy wherever they go. even entering their home feels like a big ordeal.

well, that's what’s good about them too, he supposes.

bae sejin spent his days off with his mother, as usual. they went for a short road trip to a nearby city with a lot of beaches — back when he first sent the picture of the vast sea glimmering under the afternoon sun, cha eugene spammed so many stickers that aggressively conveyed how much he also wanted to be there.

but still, cha eugene had gone home, oceans away from bae sejin — and thank god for that, as much as bae sejin has grown to be fond of everyone including eugene, thank god still — and it’s not like his hometown lacked areas nearby the ocean either. in fact, just a day after, the younger sent a selca of himself and his family on the beach, going as far as tagging bae sejin in their group chat after sending the message.

just like eugene and sejin himself, everyone else had gone back home as well. it’s a longer off period, after all — totalling in over a week, which is rare. ryu cheongwoo had sent updates on a meet-up with cousins, lee sejin had a very hearty time at home with his family, and seon ahyeon seemed like he had a lot of fun vacationing abroad with his family, this time to australia. the kangaroo pictures were so interesting and adorable that bae sejin may or may not have saved them all. kim raebin, on the other hand, had greeted the group chat every morning with different sets of glittery good morning GIFs.

as it has been for a while now, they all each extended an invitation to park moondae to come with them on these various activities. their families are long familiar with one another by now, so this doesn’t come as an awkward surprise. but as it also has been for a shorter while now, park moondae declined, promising to not work throughout the off period and to take some serious days. lee sejin brazenly interrogated him the first time park moondae did this sometime ago, but they all understand by now that he probably just has friends he’s meeting up with. park moondae has always been surprising in many ways, after all.

well, bae sejin has a different theory — in all honesty.

he has a feeling lee sejin and ryu cheongwoo have caught on too but rather than friends they haven’t heard a peep of, isn’t it more likely that park moondae has a girlfriend?

it’s really weird, sejin thinks. all of them are familiar with lee sejin’s many, many friends or ryu cheongwoo’s acquaintances from his athlete days. maybe not all of them, but some have at least come up in conversations once or twice. kim raebin isn’t a guy with a lot of social skills — admittedly, just like bae sejin himself — and even his friends, usually fellow self-producing idols, have been talked about here and there. they also know that park moondae interacts more with the juniors of the same company, the kids from idol co.’s fourth season, more than any of them. for park moondae to suddenly have friends that never at all come up in conversation, if sejin’s honest, it’s odd. his dongsaeng also isn’t the type to be hiding things for no reason.

hence, a girlfriend.

bae sejin isn't in a hurry to know about the details though. park moondae is a sensible person who acts maturely after weighing many factors. when he's ready, he'll come to talk about it. whether it's with sejin himself or with cheongwoo as the leader or even the other members — they all support him whatever his choice is and bae sejin is sure park moondae is aware of that.

in any case, the rest of the guys seem to be either oblivious or not paying attention on purpose. they somehow banded together around four days ago, planning a surprise visit to come back a day before the last day of TeSTAR's vacation. the headmaster of this operation is surprisingly kim raebin — so bae sejin can only guess that it's done out of pure good intentions and maybe a tinge of worry for park moondae. still, is it okay to do this? what if they come back to an empty dorm with park moondae away to meet his girlfriend?

it can’t be helped, since they’re already on their way. stopping the other kids would be too difficult, they all move like a bulldozer that knows no brakes. sighing, bae sejin decides to just go along with it — just this once.

he soon regrets this decision. if he had the sense of foresight, he should’ve stopped all of the guys before the situation snowballs into something bigger.

the lift dings open and cha eugene skips ahead of them spiritedly. the hallways of their accomodation are silent, like always. it’s a familiar sight of the gray-blue walls that stretch without an end, two dark brown doors each on the left and on the right. their neighbor is an elderly couple whom bae sejin really likes — but kim raebin favors even more. it seems like it reminds him of his grandparents at home.

cha eugene obediently stands around the keypad while lee sejin, without a hint of hesitation, punches in their access code while humming. ryu cheongwoo smiles, warm and obviously fond, “everyone missed each other a lot too, huh. it’d be nice when we finally meet moondae too.”

“yeah! i brought some souvenirs too,” cha eugene cheekily grins.

“m-me too..” seon ahyeon pipes in.

“my grandparents made some jams and i brought it as well — i can’t wait to be sharing it with everyone, i’m sure moondae-hyung would be able to magically cook something good from it as well.”

“moondae-moondae~” lee sejin calls as the mechanism in their door unlocks, swinging it open with much fanfare. “surprise, we’re all home! were you lonely?”

and well, while normally park moondae would be nowhere to be seen, perhaps lodged somewhere by the kitchen counters or on his bed relaxing, today the moment they pass by the entryway, he is already there without a need to search for him.

park moondae is sitting on the couch.

well, on top of VTIC's cheongryeo's lap, on the couch.

his shirt is messily unbuttoned, while cheongryeo is just topless. cheongryeo's arms are wound tightly against moondae's midsection, moondae hugging his shoulders loosely. they're both frozen still, wide-eyed like a pair of deers caught under headlights, though they react quickly, disentangling themselves from one another within less than half a second.

belatedly, bae sejin notices the purple love bites lining up across moondae's neck — and down to his chest. bae sejin's brain distantly rings, a wind chime barely touched by summer breeze, a weak sound: he has always been aware of these things to a certain degree as an avid romance reader, but it's most certainly his first time, despite being the oldest of the group, seeing hickeys in real life. 4K high resolution through his own two eyes.

“oh my god.”

that must be cha eugene.

ryu cheongwoo belatedly covers cha eugene's and kim raebin's eyes. lee sejin makes the executive decision to try to cover seon ahyeon's eyes as well, who seem to have frozen in place.

“moondae-moondae—”

“park moondae, you!”

“give me a second!”

everyone hurriedly turns around on their feet without being prompted as rustling noises are heard alongside park moondae's curses and the voice of VTIC's cheongryeo, calm as ever, low and slightly hushed. there's an audible noise of someone getting up, footsteps and then the opening of a room somewhere as the person finally comes back to sit on the couch before the rustling resumes.

“you can.. see now,” park moondae says, clothed now and the most hesitant bae sejin has ever heard him. he clears his throat, “we should talk.”

oh, they have a lot to talk about.

there's no girlfriend.

there’s very obviously a boyfriend though.

“... and that is the gist. we have been seeing each other well and usually moondae-ssi comes over to my place,” VTIC's cheongryeo explains.

kim raebin, easily convinced, nods, “i see! congratulations on your relationship, moondae-hyung and cheongryeo sunbae-nim!”

bae sejin feels a little faint.

“s-so all the times moondae spent vacation alone..?”

“yes,” park moondae answers this time. “i met up a few times with sunbae-nim and we sometimes take his dog out for walks as well.”

“among other activities,” shin cheongryeo corrects.

park moondae's ears go red. “.. among other activities.” he looks like he's cursing internally.

bae sejin feels very faint.

“do the VTIC members know?”

“those guys found out accidentally since moondae-ssi stays over quite a bit.” shin cheongryeo smiles like his answer makes it okay.

“then…”

“i..” park moondae cuts in. he looks uncharacteristically nervous. “..wanted to tell everyone, of course. but it hasn't been that long and i didn't know — well, how the news will be received.”

in other words, he was worried about their reactions.

cha eugene hums, “is it because it's a relationship between two guys?” he calmly continues. “hyung, you know you mean a lot to us. we don't care as long as it makes you happy.”

it's a realistic concern — not everyone has the most positive outlook on different kinds of things. bae sejin can't help the rising empathy at the thought that park moondae must have worried over this for a while as well. wait, isn’t there a more pressing concern though?

“wait, you’re seriously dating this guy ? out of all people, this guy?” bae sejin gasps. the pressing concern at the back of his mind finally makes its presence known loud and clear like an uncomfortable siren. wasn’t this guy the perpetrator of the kidnapping incident that landed park moondae in the hospital? this crazy guy kept approaching him and doing all kinds of annoying things too afterwards.

thankfully, lee sejin chooses that moment to pipe in, “no offense to you, cheongryeo sunbae-nim. but are you sure, moondae-moondae?”it’s more like full offense, really — the sly guy shoots VTIC’s cheongryeo a dirty look, very briefly to a point where it’s almost unnoticeable. bae sejin is sure everyone in the room saw that, though no one tries to comment on it. in fact, seon ahyeon and kim raebin look confused instead — blissfully ignorant and kept in the dark about all kinds of things that occurred with this crazy guy.

park moondae sighs, carefully wording his answer as to not give away anything to those who aren’t in the know, “we’ve gone past a lot of other things. cheongryeo sunbae-nim and i reconciled and worked together in a lot of ways.” and then a pause.

he continues, “to be honest, i don’t know either. why am i dating you again?” the question is said with a criminal offensive side eye, rude words and all in informal language.

the cherry on top is VTIC’s cheongryeo’s burst of laughter. it seems like a familiar tango between the two, because as if he expected all that, he calmly replies, “how should i know? it was hubae-nim’s choice to accept my feelings, after all.” the hand patting park moondae’s waist placatingly is not subtle at all.

bae sejin balks at their flirtatious banter, “wait, park moondae. are you really, aish, this is a crazy guy we’re talking about—!”

“woah, sejin hyung, i understand how you feel but it’s probably not wise to say that right now—” lee sejin tries to hold him back.

“i don’t see what’s the problem? cheongryeo sunbae-nim hits a lot of check marks for the ideal son in law according to a lot of different articles and quizzes online, he’s handsome and charming on top of being financially secure and well-known to the country as a good man, as well as full of talent..”

“thank you for the compliment, kim raebin hubae-nim.”

“love is love, hyung! it’s okay!”

“um, i-if it’s moondae’s choice, then i’ll wholeheartedly support it..”

“no, guys, wait a minute!”

in the end, the elderly lady next door knocks and tells them to pipe down a little since her husband is resting. so the unproductive discussion remains hanging without a conclusion and ryu cheongwoo makes the executive decision to exercise his rarely-used leader card and tells everyone to think about it once more. in the meantime, VTIC’s cheongryeo is kicked back to his home. very politely, but kicked back to his home and very much away from TeSTAR’s dorm.

bae sejin’s peace doesn’t return. unfortunately, he can’t complain, since this is the closest he can get.

for now.

‘breakfast is in the fridge. went out for filming.

— 🐶’

the note reads.

shin jaehyun, freshly awakened and just now conscious, can't help but curl his mouth in good feelings. he places the note on the kitchen counter, going about to kongi's feeding area to take care of his kid first. kong barks out a thanks which jaehyun happily receives, patting the retriever mix's head before even thinking of his own breakfast.

what did park moondae prepare this time?

shin jaehyun is someone who was born to a good family — it might have just been him and his mother, but his mother was financially secure and a capable person through and through. her role in his life might've weakened in the period of time of the regressions — as there were far more pressing things to take care of, far stronger factors at play — but the fact remains that once upon a time, in a distant past, lifetimes ago, she was an important in life. to a certain degree, she still is. just in a different manner than before.

in that kind of household, eating has first and foremost been something jaehyun does to stay alive and to survive. less of an act of pleasure and more of a thing he had to do, a chore, to say the least. as the loops began and restarted and restarted and restarted, it was difficult to even draw any good feelings from any activities, even big achievements, much less small and mundane routines. eating became a hassle. preparing food even more so — at some point, he started to only eat salads and drink protein shakes three times a day and take supplements for the rest of his nutrients. a well-rounded body needs management and care, it's a must in his line of profession. and yet, it's still such a bore to eat.

even so, a lot of things have changed since jaehyun met park moondae.

“haha,” he laughs to himself. kongi responds with a bark, enthusiastic. the food bowl is already clean — which reminds shin jaehyun to go to eat too. in his head, park moondae's tibetan expression flashes, a caring yet carefully monotonous voice nagging him to ‘take better care of yourself, you're a professional, shin jaehyun,’ ironically in the voice of the most chronic workaholic jaehyun knows.

in the fridge, inside a neatly wrapped container, are fried noodles topped with seafood. he goes through the necessary motions to heat it up in the microwave, quickly undoing the wrappings and beginning to eat it. 

CHR: i ate well, hubae-nim ^^ 

CHR: thank you for the food

naturally, he doesn't forget to attach five pictures of kong-ah, whose tail wagged furiously at the mention of park moondae's name, and of the reheated food. the tiny number next to the message disappears, though a reply only comes hours later. the smile on jaehyun's face doesn't disappear anyway.

it's so long ago in his memory that jaehyun thinks maybe he forgets. he doesn't though. it's true: the first time, the group name was VTIC. the first time, his stage name was cheongryeo. the first time, he did want to be an idol and he did want to do well. he did like performing, the rush of adrenaline when he danced on stage, the feeling of thousands of eyes on him awaiting his next move.

shin cheongryeo thinks of the first time as his first life. each and every regression is their own life. it's both part of him as a whole and at the same time a different version of him who went through it all.

he did like it. he does still like it. this profession of being an idol, even in the messed up entertainment industry the way it has always been.

but not every life is good. consequently, not every career, not every year, not every month, week — not every day is good.

he tries not to slam the door shut like he used to do a couple of lifetimes ago. cheongryeo is all too aware of how easy kong gets spooked by loud noises these days.

the apartment is chilly, wintry air seemingly seeping through the walls. the uncomfortably stiff atmosphere isn't offset by the heater, even if the temperature isn't actually that bad inside. for a swift second, a useless thought comes to mind: he should've carpeted the floor — it'd be better for winters. as soon as the thought comes, he disregards and discards it completely, instead dragging his two feet across the entire home to seek for kong's warm presence. he hasn’t even taken his socks off after messily toeing off his shoes by the entryway. 

his body is heavy, weighted down by annoyance. anger doesn't quite fit the bill — shin cheongryeo lost the ability to feel intensely a long time ago, he thinks. probably somewhere after the third time he went back. the disparaging fact is a smile still remains on his lips, like a bug particularly hard to kill. a default expression, just like an NPC game character. the perfect idol cheongryeo strives to be is one who doesn't falter and lose his composure, after all. idols are for entertainment — and to be entertaining, the basic skill is to smile well at all given time and situation. it's just unfortunate that in creating this flawless product out of himself, shin cheongryeo forgot to completely erase his ability to feel. the frustrations of the day still creep up inside his chest and threaten to pull him down and slow him further and his smile doesn't slide off his face, but every step his feet take further inside the house feels heavier and heavier.

it just was not a good day. much as his brain wants to overanalyze all the places where it went wrong, how to mitigate the damages, contingency plans, repairs and fixes, erasures, deletions, scrapping and digging and digging for ways to turn back, turn back and reset and do it all over again, the same old steps, and start from the beginning with a perfect run this time, the feel of control slipping out of his hands, the need to grip it tight and suffocate it until it stops flowing out, and yet — and yet something fogs over it all. triumphing over every need for perfection is a desire for familiarity.

shin cheongryeo clicks open a door and kong tackles him to the ground.

his kid is warm to touch and soft to hug. kong licks up his cheek, excited tail wagging. it isn't as furious as the usual tail wag though — and jaehyun allows himself to be deluded that maybe kong is concerned for him. it's irrational and impossible.

overhead, the lamp continues to lit up the night, glaringly and achingly bright. tonight, it's especially reminiscent of a spotlight and jaehyun desperately misses the backstage.

he burrows his head into kong's golden fur, pressing a quick kiss against the dog's head. kong, as if sensing jaehyun's gloom, melts against him and lets jaehyun steal all the warmth.

they stay like that for a long time. jaehyun isn't exactly sure how long — but it stretches like a lifetime or two. or eighty restarts and eighty times waking up on the same bed, under the same ceiling, in the same eighteen year old body.

when he snaps back into his own body, shin jaehyun is dazed. the lights are turned off and kong disentangles from him like a traitor. by the door is a silhouette he recognizes and yet can't see clearly. shin jaehyun's vision is spotted still from the sudden lack of brightness without time to adjust. he can't see moondae's expression, obscured by the backlight from the golden living room lights behind him. kong barks a greeting and when park moondae speaks, warm and inviting even through his lack of intonation and the tone always as blunt as knife, everything clicks easily and familiarly all at once immediately.

“i filled kong-ah's food bowl already. you haven't eaten, right? you come eat too, shin jaehyun.”

his body laxes and he feels as though the air is coming into his lungs slightly like a breeze down a hill. natural as though meant to be, like oxygen didn't hitch and clog his throat and fog his brain just mere moments earlier. shin jaehyun doesn't move. 

he registers park moondae's frown by the sound of his voice and not by the looks of it.

“shin jaehyun.”

he steps closer. shin jaehyun still does not even twitch. so he takes a seat right next to jaehyun's still body and park moondae lies his head on his arm, pressed flush against jaehyun's side.

a lifetime later, they awaken together thanks to kongi's persistent efforts. park moondae stirring first and shin jaehyun rousing immediately after, under a familiar yet unfamiliar ceiling, not on a familiar bed but on the wooden floor, in a familiar but unfamiliar twenty nine year old body. it feels like no time has passed at all — though later park moondae makes shin jaehyun eat his dinner anyway, an hour to midnight.

“aren’t you going to eat? i brought beef from the dorm. it’d be cold by now, but we can heat it up.”

with that sentence alone, park moondae helps shin jaehyun up. it’s far too late to be eating for a pair of idols who are supposed to be managing their physiques and the taste of the beef black pepper park moondae cooked is delicious paired with warmed up rice and cheongryeo feels a bit more anchored. it’s even more warm; to slowly eat while being watched by the calm and knowing amber eyes.

he purposefully forgoes using the intercom system this time, aware that the rest of the members are home. instead, shin jaehyun passes a smile at the receptionist and physically knocks on the door.

the front door swings open and a reasonable guy comes out. ryu cheongwoo’s face morphs from recognition to a perfectly amicable and perfectly surface level smile. “hello, sunbae-nim. are you looking for moondae?”

“that’s right.” and because jaehyun has to play a bit nicer, since they’re connected this way now and park moondae finds the group members precious, cheongryeo spares a friendlier greeting. “it’s nice to see you again, ryu cheongwoo hubae-nim. is moondae-ssi home?”

he looks a little troubled, eyebrows slightly creased and hesitant before he opens his mouth to reply, “moondae got called to the company. he was just now accompanied by the manager there. it’s just about ten minutes ago too — sunbae-nim just missed him.”

“is that so. alright, thank you. i guess i’ll come at another time then,” shin jaehyun smiles. he excuses himself and they exchange quick goodbyes worthy of acquaintances who do not know each other well.

later on, while he’s on his way back, he gets a text from park moondae himself.

Apple: where are you? you said you’re coming

ah — really. with such a straight face too. he had a hunch for sure, although to have it confirmed leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. jaehyun feels thoroughly deceived. it was truly no one’s error but his own for letting his guard down — were jaehyun a lesser man, he’d blame it on ryu cheongwoo’s good person vibes throwing him totally off the kilter. really, in truth, it was just his lack of foresight and carefulness. lesson reminded: never judge any book by its cover.

CHR: i’ll come another time ^^ a bird chased me out

Apple: ??

Apple: there’s no birds near our accommodation. did you come to the wrong place?

CHR: ^^;;

Chapter Text

CHR: i just ate ^^

CHR: the rest seemed like they could use a bit of a push. we had some pizza.

Apple: (ID: a selfie cut off below park moondae's eyes, both open and staring straight to the camera. the photo is slightly blurred with a hand coming into the frame, touching his hair)

trouble comes at the call of a pair of toothbrushes in his bathroom.

used toothbrushes, to be exact. park moondae has been staying over more often on the days he doesn't have a lot of activities. in particular, they spent another series of days off together just last week and whenever cheongryeo steps home these days, he can see traces of park moondae lingering in every nook and cranny of his house.

“jaehyun hyung, did you forget to throw out your old toothbrush?”

jin chaeyul had, after all, lived with him for quite a while. they're all gathered in his house today, an impromptu sleepover in the name of bonding that is just a guise for a condition check-in as well as a comeback plan meeting. jung woodan at that point has left momentarily to the convenience store — jaehyun is cutting them some slack, these guys just came back from the military. oh yoonshin was the last of them to leave. that was two weeks ago. cheongryeo deemed the rest and adjustment period to be sufficient and called for a meeting immediately afterwards.

“ah.” that is the only thing that comes to the forefront of jaehyun's mind. his brain kickstarts soon enough though, replying, “that's hubae-nim's. leave it alone for now. you brought your own toothbrush, didn't you?”

“hubae,” shinoh parrots, mouth slightly agape. cheongryeo doesn't feel the need to chide him for it, thankfully these guys are useful enough to know when they can drop all guards and when to put a fancier facade on. no fans nor cameras are present at the moment though — there isn't a need for that, so he lets him be. “do you mean TeSTAR's park moondae hubae-nim, hyung?”

“you two are that close, huh? i didn't know! i thought you worked well together and you seemed like you had similar personalities, but i'm surprised he's such a good friend he stays over and has a toothbrush in your place.”

chaeyul cheerily says — though the moment his words are out of his mouth completely, he halts and tilts his head, confusion dawning on his face as his mind replays and processes what he just uttered on his own.

later on, when judan finally arrives with a bag of beverages and snacks at hand, they resume their talks of album preparation with cans and bottles of their chosen drinks open by their side. cheongryeo sips the vitamin C drink he asked judan to grab just for the camaraderie of it — he isn't a fan of drinks like this, it isn't extremely good for physique and health maintenance. an hour and a half later, the rough plans of concepts, album and music video, including suggested dates are thrown around already. VTIC isn't a wholly self-produced group even if they sometimes still take part in the production process — they never market themselves entirely as such either. participating in putting together choreographies and writing songs is just a natural thing when an idol reaches the stature and experience amount VTIC has. it still isn't obligatory though, idols are performers first and foremost, not producers. when there are other human resources to take advantage of, why burden oneself with all the responsibilities? results are more often better when one knows when and what and how to delegate tasks.

the discussion proved to be fruitful nonetheless. he gets up from where he's seated, legs crossed one over another on top of the sofa with judan next to him and chaeyul and shinoh sharing the loveseat next to them. “i'll go for a bathroom break and check on kong-ah while i'm at it.”

“okay, hyung!”

“got it, jaehyun hyung.”

judan nods, leaning back onto his seat and relaxing a bit now that they're given a breather.

a few short moments later, he comes back to the hushed noises of an entirely new topic being exchanged in his absence.

“...totally dating, aren't they? that explains the chemistry—”

“it's a well-used troupe within a lot of movies, books and animations. a supernatural phenomenon occurring to two individuals becoming a common lining that kick starts their love story.”

“i see! it was certainly something else. i never saw jaehyun hyung like that with other people before.”

jaehyun walks right before chaeyul's open mouth can fully throw out a retort back to shinoh's words and watches in real time as the trio's eyes — chaeyul and shinoh's excited ones, judan's calm ones — begin to shake, tongues clamming up at being caught smackdab in the middle of a fresh tea spilling session by the subject himself.

chaeyul opens his mouth in a valiant attempt to defend themselves and shinoh slaps a hand over his mouth. a nice save.

judan thinks to himself: this isn't a good development.

“<we got love>, you? shin cheongryeo?”

what a baffling cast choice — that's what that face seems to say. the cute mouth is a little twisted in part wonder and part disbelief, the slightly raised brow.

everyone keeps talking about how park moondae is a reserved person and it's somewhat true with how level-headed he can be even in the strangest or most chaotic and unforeseen circumstance. but to say he's someone who's hard to read and doesn't change his expressions very often, jaehyun disagrees. such a lively person, he's practically a transparent and easily readable book and he wears his emotions honestly, especially if one knows where to spot his tells. most times, people just aren't familiar enough with him to read park moondae well. he used to be unaware as well — even for someone as good as reading other people as he is. fortunately, now that sufficient time has passed and they've grown closer, jaehyun has had enough practice and can appreciate park moondae's tiny quirks for their entire worth.

“haha,” the person in question flatly laughs, explaining further. “the other person invited is a fellow singer. i'm sure moondae-ssi is familiar with park ara from the duo <aramee>.”

moondae asks, “did you accept it then?”

in lieu of answering, jaehyun questions back, “would it be alright if i did?”

it wouldn't matter what park moondae says next — because in truth, jaehyun rejected the offer already. still, he can't lie and say he's not curious on how moondae will react, so jaehyun withholds the answer anyway.

“it's work, so do whatever you see fit.”

and what he gets is an unsurprisingly cold answer. jaehyun doesn't give up though. he hums, “is that so? moondae-ssi really would be alright with it if i went, hmm. i see.” adding fuel into fire, he continues, “truthfully, if it was you who got invited, i probably wouldn't be very happy about it. so i'm glad.”

they both know jaehyun would use his connections to destroy someone's — or multiple someones’ — career if park moondae gets an offer like that. his possessive streak isn't anything new. uselessly and a little self-consciously, jaehyun at times debates if it's the temporary nature of everything he's ever had in previous regressions that cause him to be this protective and insistent in keeping safe precious relationships at the moment. he always brushes the thought away though — it's too unproductive to dwell on.

park moondae at the moment looks like he's thinking the exact same thing jaehyun is thinking.

it draws out a chuckle out of him, one he doesn't bother to suppress. the noise attracts park moondae's attention back to him and he narrows his eyes for a moment.

and soon seeing jaehyun isn't about to supply him any answers, moondae clears his throat. “the pairing is with a decently popular idol. a weird casting choice still on the producers’ part though,” he comments.

VTIC at the moment is one of the biggest boy groups in the country — there are few other boy groups on the same first-tier level. T-holic, for one. and the other is obviously TeSTAR. the guys on this level of fame and fandom don't normally appear in programs like we got love, where two idols pretend to be lovers for a set amount of episodes. it was a popular show back in the peak times of variety content — but these days, most fans think of boy group idols as their boyfriends or girl group idols as their girlfriends, especially idols with a lot of intensely hardcore fans. for a few seasons now, the we got love production crew seem to have been avoiding casting idols for this season, as to not draw unnecessary hatred from the fans whose delusions are broken. besides, there is less interest in these types of scripted entertainment shows in recent years — people preferring to see more ‘authentic’ content instead like reality shows or game shows where the outcomes and progression are unscripted.

jaehyun pretends to ignore the way park moondae leans into him further.

“do whatever you want. just tell me if you actually accepted,” moondae finally settles on. he doesn't look thrilled nor does he look particularly saddened. in this way, they both have a similar mindset of work is work, so shin jaehyun can't really complain for the lack of stronger reactions. if anything, he should feel grateful. his tongue tastes a little bitter instead though, since there's no refreshing cuteness to witness and to tease moondae about. the lack of reaction is expected to a certain point and yet a little disappointing all the same.

if park moondae is a little more touchy for the rest of the evening while they comfortably snuggle on bed or if park moondae willingly climbs on to sit on his lap for once though, that's just jaehyun's personal and additional rewards to reap. and for the sake of the continuation of these bonuses, he smiles through it silently without a comment or worse, a callout.

he knocks on the now familiar door. having to forgo the intercom is a given this time too. to jaehyun’s luck, the one who opens the door this time is actually a cooperative junior.

“ah, VTIC cheongryeo sunbae-nim!” the owner of the house bows to him, the guest. “hello!”

jaehyun laughs it away, trying to write him up, “haha, there’s no need to be so formal. we’ll be seeing each other a lot from now on after all.”

kim raebin, solemn, nods, “that’s certainly true. now that you and moondae hyung are seeing each other i suppose it makes us a bit like in-laws? that would mean VTIC members are also in-laws with moondae hyung.. thinking about it, it’ll be easier to collaborate between the groups now as well, which may be received well by the public and the fans—”

it’s the refreshing taste of cider and a pure-hearted medieval rabbit. for once, shin jaehyun doesn’t have to struggle planting sweet potato seeds, caring for the soil and watering it and all the unnecessary steps. for once, he gets to eat well.

“yes, please contact me if there are any good ideas for songs or collaborations, kim raebin hubae-nim,” he flashes raebin a friendly smile, close-lipped and formal. the distance of it flies over kim raebin’s head though and cheongryeo can just predict — based on what he knows of, an amalgamation of park moondae’s rare but shared anecdotes and what he knows of TeSTAR members in general — the workaholic thoughts swirling in the junior’s head.

“in any case,” he cuts in, before kim raebin forgets the purpose of his visit, “would it be alright to ask you to call moondae-ssi? we had a prior appointment, i’m here to fetch him.”

kim raebin’s eyes widen, “please wait for a moment! i’ll go get hyung for you!”

and that is how the mission, for the first time, is a success. shin jaehyun doesn’t resist the celebratory smug smile curling on his lips, way too genuine to be grouped with his usual default ones.

when park moondae comes out, he frowns and stares at him long and hard and asks, “what’s wrong with you? in such a good mood.. it’s scary.”

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rather than a single giant moment bursting like a supernova, it's a slow trickle of affection flowing in and actions and words that stack on top of one another like wooden building blocks. shin jaehyun never asked park moondae out nor did park moondae confess to him. it's a romance that began when they started caring for each other, fortunately or not for him, and just strung together like puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly to a point where on a random day, he just woke up unconsciously thinking of shin jaehyun as his boyfriend. it seems like it's a similar case for shin jaehyun as well.

shin jaehyun hasn't ever been shy about showing his attraction to park moondae ever since the feelings started to bud. the lingering touches and the frequent messages, he even uses kong all the time as an excuse to text moondae more. at some point between all the invitations to his house and cooking for the so-called perfect idol who's absolutely useless in the kitchen, all the nights spent sleeping over and the mornings they accidentally and very much intentionally ran into one another at the local park and the nearby jogging tracks, between all the shared experiences working as idols, the similar burdens of people who came back to the past in addition to an achingly alike yet obviously different outlooks of life and methods of handling matters; they fell together messily, entangled with one another and beyond mesmerized, converging into a single line. the process hadn't been easy and painless nor was it a short journey — but it felt natural to let shin jaehyun wrap his arms around him while park moondae holds him just as close. it felt natural in a way not a lot of other things in life felt natural.

shin jaehyun's thumping heartbeat against park moondae's ears chases away the nightmares and the ghosts of the past that haunt his shadow. and likewise, park moondae's presence anchors shin jaehyun's consciousness by the earth and away from a looping spiral of repeats and restarts.

a mutually beneficial symbiosis — that's what this relationship is.

“moondae-ssi,” shin jaehyun whispers into his ear, arms caging him and leaving him no room to move away.

park moondae is lifted up by his thighs, as if he weighs as much as a piece of paper — certainly a display of strength worthy of someone who takes care of his body and health so well — and seated on the new table by shin jaehyun's entryway. this is the third time this has happened since the addition of the piece of furniture to shin jaehyun's house and moondae is starting to think shin jaehyun just bought it for the sake of having something to corner him with.

the horndog in front of him covers moondae's smaller figure with his own, a hand now placed on moondae's cheeks. shin jaehyun's smile differs slightly than usual — though maybe this is something he notices only because he's unfortunately known this bastard for so long — it's a little more sleazy, park moondae grimly thinks. the thumb that brushes against his cheekbone stays gentle and deliberate as he murmurs, “can i kiss you?”

he sighs. shin jaehyun really likes to act cute these days. it's honestly an inconvenience — mostly because at the moment, they should be on their way already. it was also shin jaehyun who booked them an entire dog cafe for a date and while they certainly can take their time, it feels like a waste of time and money. nevertheless, even beyond that, what rings truer is that moondae is aware enough of jaehyun's recent clingier tendencies to know they'll most definitely be later than the promised time with the cafe manager.

“can i kiss you?” shin jaehyun repeats. he's not usually the type to say things multiple times — nor is he normally someone who aims a pleading face, armed with puppy eyes and everything, and flutters his annoyingly insanely unrealistically very very long lashes. they're a dark contrast against his pale cheeks and his typically calm eyes seem to shimmer more than usual.

park moondae tries to point out, “we're going to be late. both you and kongi have been looking forward to this.”

shin jaehyun's lips press into a tight line. he leans back a little, not at all letting go of his hold around park moondae and sticky with unwillingness. even if he seems to be regaining his senses a little, he still manages to look displeased. almost sulky, dare he says. park moondae can hardly believe what he's seeing — it isn't the first time this kind of thing happens and even so, it doesn't make it any less unfamiliar whenever shin jaehyun does show a rarely seen expression.

park moondae heaves another exhale before his fists curl around jaehyun's collar, pulling him close and crashing their lips against one another. their mouths move in tandem, two people lost in each other's presence. park moondae's arms slowly wind around shin jaehyun's neck, pulling him closer. jaehyun complies easily, drinking in everything park moondae has to offer with a desperation unfit for an ordinary date day — more like a reverence of someone worshiping the sole source of their salvation. he's soft and warm against moondae, breathing heavily into his mouth and parting away for air momentarily only to press in again and dive for a deeper kiss. park moondae allows jaehyun's large palms to mold him where he wishes moondae to be, letting jaehyun tilt his face and take and take and take as much as he needs to receive from park moondae.

their lips are wet with saliva and tinted a deep shade of pink when they finally separate, shin jaehyun pulling back reluctantly like something in park moondae keeps beckoning him in. his eyes are dark with something needy, albeit not new. park moondae recognizes the look on his face immediately — those small moments where shin jaehyun seems to be holding tight to feelings he's long forgotten, things he thought he lost or emotions he never experienced before, where shin jaehyun looks down onto everything on his hands in confusion, unsure of what to do with the unfamiliar way his heart beats.

truth to be told, it comes almost randomly like a weather one can't predict — but this too is shin jaehyun. and every part of shin jaehyun isn't an unexplored region to park moondae. he tugs on shin jaehyun's collar once again and cups his pretty face, caressing for a moment before squishing him slightly. he's still not sure what shin jaehyun is currently thinking — this bastard is as unreadable as ever — and yet, still, park moondae allows a small smile to bloom on his face, trying his best to come across reassuring.

“shin jaehyun,” he says. “do it again.”

by the time they leave shin jaehyun's house, the front door safely locked and kongi in tow, the table by the entryway is messed up, various decorative figures and books all over the place unlike how it was in the morning. the cafe manager and the meager amount of staff left to tend to them for the day do not ask them why they're two hours later than agreed nor does anyone notice shin jaehyun's slightly messier hair that park moondae tried and failed to pat down their whole way to the cafe.

CHR: (ID: 30 pictures of kong playing with different dogs from the dog cafe. one of them is a picture of kong and a tiny shih-tzu called mackie sitting on top of him. another is a photo of kong playfully chasing a corgi called jiji who happened to also be chasing a ball)

CHR: it was fun ^^

CHR: let's go again

Apple: (ID: a selfie of park moondae, cut below his eyes. in the background, shin jaehyun sat on the wooden floors of the cafe, surrounded by kong and 4 other smaller dogs)

Saving photo…

Photo saved.

Set as Home and Lock screens.

Wallpaper applied on Home and Lock screens.

the regressions finally stopped.

no ending credits rolled, nothing grand happened — well, a lot of supernatural things did wind up happening, though the context is different, related and unrelated at the same time.

instead of a neon sign proclaiming his victory over the ‘game,’ shin jaehyun meets a guy who’s never honest about being far too fond of his fans calling him a puppy. he brings it up one time, some documentary on penguins playing on the screen in front of them and they are pressed far too close to each other for a normal senior-junior relationship in the industry.  his house’s lighting is on the warmer side, hitting park moondae’s face just right. the blond hair seemed even more yellow, bright as sunflowers, and there’s an uncanny resemblance to kong-ah seated by jaehyun’s feet, face propped on top of his knees, satisfied and eyes closed. it is a little on the later side and they had played a little on a slightly faraway park, the retriever mix loving every second of the dewy grass against his golden fur.

“hubae-nim. are you perhaps kongi’s long lost relative?” he says, mindlessly.

moondae gives him the stink eye, the one expression that meant he thought jaehyun was talking nonsense again. it forces a small laugh out of jaehyun, not at all loud though still enough to momentarily beat the volume of the television, set extremely low.

“he’s a dog.”

“your fans call you puppy as well.” he does nothing to keep the mirth out of his voice. “or would you prefer being called a tibetan fox?”

by the twist of his mouth, moondae is most probably wondering why he’s up to date with these kinds of information. it’s only natural to know thy enemies well though, competitors in this industry on the level of TeSTAR especially.

“... i’m a person, you bastard.”

a person fond of cute things, he thinks. albeit hell would freeze over before moondae ever admits that. it matters little whether he confesses to it or not though, jaehyun has seen with his own two eyes the sight of park moondae scrolling appreciatively through bae sejin’s fansite goods and specifically zooming in to examine the particularly adorable ones closer. it’s a good thing that shin jaehyun, recently sent on a mission to rediscover things he likes and dislikes by park moondae himself, apparently in a dire need of ‘more humanization,’ is also someone fond of cute things and people.

“is he bored at home?”

shin jaehyun has been inviting him on a lot more outings than usual. to be fair, they are dating, even if park moondae himself is unsure how exactly they came into this relationship or why he has such a questionable taste in men. quality time is one of the most decisive factors of a relationship, being an adult  in general demands a lot out of people. these days, every part of life deeply trenched in late-stage capitalism, a work-life balance tends to be a lie and maintaining a decent social life is already difficult. scheduling meetings with friends is a challenge even for normal people, let alone a couple consisting of two first-tier celebrities. it makes jaehyun’s recent persistence on ‘going on dates’ both endearing and sweet as well as an oddity.

park moondae is pretty sure their relationship is progressing alright, nothing too urgent going on nor is it boring per se. so it must be something else related to jaehyun himself.

well, let’s focus on other things for now. he’s here to monitor.

unlocking his phone, park moondae thinks back to the few stray fans they met on their way back from the cafe. a trio of TICAs who asked for a selfie and two loviewers, one of whom asked for an autograph — it’s a win in his books. by now, the stories must have circulated online already. it’s not like park moondae or cheongryeo asked them to keep quiet about the encounter. his head pulses a bit at the thought of how rowdy it would be on the internet — he can practically predict the trends of the day already.

true to his expectations, three of the top ten trending real-time searches are related to his outing with cheongryeo — all kinds of remarks about how it’s always heart-warming that they’re so close and take care of each other well, fans happy just to see a sliver of them during their off schedules, and various memes about the situation. it isn’t anything outside his guesses and these things do tend to happen whenever any of them — within TeSTAR or VTIC — are spotted in public, whether together or alone.

eventually, he lands on an overseas pop news and update site called asianfunky — on an article written for the two of them and the outing the other day. of course, what catches moondae’s eye is the title of the rubric.

[Just Stupid Things] VTIC’s Cheongryeo and TeSTAR’s Moondae Living Out Fans’ Y/N Dreams

 

(ID: a self-taken picture of VTIC’s shin cheongryeo and TeSTAR’s park moondae smiling professionally against the busy seoul streets, with three fans — faces blurred for privacy — surrounding them, credited to twitter user nMm_0o.)

cheongryeo of VTIC and park moondae of TeSTAR are sighted on the streets recently. they’ve kept a close friendship over the years, having first met during park moondae’s predebut activities in <Relisted! Idol Co.>.

 

(ID: twitter threads and pictures of shin cheongryeo and park moondae with various fans and recounting their experiences meeting the idols.)

i don’t normally cover things like these but a fan who works in a cafe close by came out and also gave their version of the story... which is basically about VTIC’s cheongryeo apparently renting the whole cafe to go on a date with park moondae.

 

(ID: a tweet by twitter user hourlymoondae translating fan account munlove1234’s thread:

‘TTT i saw VTIC cheongryeo-nim and our baby soft bean rice cake apple rice cake puppy today.. cheongryeo-nim reserved the entire floor of the cafe i work part time in for the whole day. our manager was so excited about a celebrity coming in and my co-workers couldn’t stop buzzing too when they saw him come through the door. his face was so small.. and he was so pale and more handsome in real life than on TV.

i didn’t think our baby soft bean rice cake apple rice cake puppy would be here too though. imagine my surprise when he walked in the door, right behind cheongryeo-nim’s dog. i thought an angel came.. cheongryeo-nim looked like he was being surrounded by two yellow dogs… it must be heaven… i want to be cheongryeo-nim too

they were really nice and talked in quiet voices for hours before they went home. cheongryeo-nim told our manager that he might come again in the future since it’s a good place that allows dogs. our moonddaeng looks so small standing next to cheongryeo-nim, but he was really a lot taller than me really TTT i will treasure this day forever, i panicked but i will ask for an autograph if they come again TTTT’

along with a picture — taken from behind the cafe counter — of VTIC’s cheongryeo sitting across TeSTAR’s moondae by a wall in a private corner of the cafe. a retriever mix dog is by their side, park moondae’s hand caught patting his head rhythmically.)

 

Y/N’s oppas are dating and breaking your hearts. congrats, i’ll be waiting for thispatch to release the dating news soon.

by the time he finishes scrolling through the various clearly unserious comments of the article, park moondae pales slightly. he wonders if they need to lessen the outings together and retreat back to jaehyun’s home again as a place to meet — it comes at the expense of jaehyun’s possibly boredom inflating further, but overseas fans’ humor are unexpectedly a little too close to home.

today, he comes well-equipped. just in case, of course. shin jaehyun has no way of knowing who will actually open the door and really — if it’s park moondae behind that door, even better. still, being prepared is never a bad thing. he knows this to be a theme over all his lifetimes: a streak of success needs to be kept. if the momentum fails, the morale will also fail.

with that in mind, jaehyun knocks on the door.

“that guy, really,” he remembers park moondae’s frustrated voice. “he eats enough for three people. and he eats anything too regardless of sweet or savory or how spicy.” shin jaehyun recalls the tangent park moondae goes on after that, which albeit worded like a complaint on how cha eugene eats too well, is also an expression of a morbid awe and a sense of thankfulness. after all, it’s more satisfying to cook when the people who eat one’s food make it seem so delicious.

the very same guy is in front of him now. he takes the initiative to greet first this time while eugene is still raising brows, mildly reacting to his presence, “hello, hubae-nim. i was wondering if moondae-ssi is home.”

as he says this, he raises the very obviously sweet-smelling bag of baklava on his hands.

cha eugene is quick to relieve him of the weight and receive it well.

he whistles, fully cognizant of jaehyun’s little trick. “hyung’s inside, in the living room. sejin hyung is out too.”

“thank you.”

“cha eugene! why would you just let him in?”

“he has plans with moondae hyung!”

the epitome of innocence, he replies with a million watt smile. it's useless in the eyes of the members who spot the crumbs by his mouth.

Chapter Text

a lot of people just think of life as a game even without the repetition — be born into a good family, do well in school, get a good job, succeed. as if there will be a screen that says ‘YOU WIN’ at a certain point and all the hardships cease completely, the fall of the curtains, the last text in the flowing ending credits, that’s it.

in reality, an ending doesn’t exist. especially not when one goes through life over and over and over again, making similar choices and then slightly different tweaks, more of the decisions cut from the same cloth and some more majorly devious choices — regression does make life seem even more like a game, even more like a joke. it’s not easy, certainly, even with his pre-existing list of privileges stacked in his favor. shin jaehyun’s game isn’t filled with handicaps the way others know them to be, common people might even say he has it on easy mode, and yet, life still never comes effortlessly. relentless loops, again and again stepping over that edge and waking up under the same ceiling, some days jaehyun couldn’t even tell if it was just another day and this was just his room or if it was another attempt and this was another retry. executive functioning and being a human are mere inconvenient chores, though everything still has to be be done flawlessly for the sake of a perfectly polished surface called an ‘idol.’ to the supernatural system or society’s whimsical eyes, he’s a perfect player in every aspect, hard-working and ever-growing in small amounts with every iteration.

but while the human's mind loves routines, it tires and drags under the gravity of fatigue. he crashed, he burned. whatever accidents, big or small, believable or completely crazy, he’s seen it all, he’s done it all. there’s no perfect player in life. and with that line of thought, there’s no perfect endings either. no happy endings where one rides off to the sunset with a wide smile on one’s face.

the door is opened this time before he can even knock.

seon ahyeon comes out, eyes widening. he’s dressed up to leave, for sure, though jaehyun doesn’t even spare a second to wonder where to or with whom. his eyes trace over seon ahyeon’s visage — usually, there’d be no opportunities to be this close other than post-awards or after music shows where they mill by, trying to maximize time and rush backstage to go to other schedules as fast as possible. thin lips, naturally pink, long lashes and wavy hair currently somewhere between golden honey and a sweet brown, fringes wisping over his forehead, and a pair of magnetic eyes that droop a little as if always smiling. certainly, jaehyun can see the appeal of this person, especially as an idol. it’s a face that objectively appeals to a wide range of people — it just so happens that his lover is one of them.

he deliberately smiles, the usual professionally benign smile, though jaehyun lets the silence stretch without an attempt of greeting first. maybe it’s the heightened carefulness and caution after being so pitifully tricked by ryu cheongwoo last time, or maybe it’s the knowledge that his park moondae hubae-nim prefers this kind of soft-looking face over his own — either way, shin jaehyun is the person who climbed painstakingly over his humanity to grab a collection of grand prizes and the title of a first-tier team leader. he isn’t losing this fight.

seon ahyeon looks back at him, light eyes meeting his darker ones. he visibly resolves to stand still as a mountain and this is how their stare off starts. a mistake, jaehyun thinks, on seon ahyeon’s part. as a regressor who amassed perhaps what could be amounted to decades worth of experience as an idol, jaehyun is more than used to staying unblinking for a long period of time under bright photo studio lights and the flinching flashes of cameras. without underestimating his current opponent, jaehyun also takes into account seon ahyeon’s own amount of experience in shoots — and decides that eventually, the amount of training just does not match up. TeSTAR may have been around for a while, the supernatural experiences may have lent seon ahyeon even more lessons in front of the camera, but shin jaehyun is more than confident in his skill to win this stare-off.

after a while of the stretched silence, victory only comes when seon ahyeon starts to fidget slightly. it takes quite a while, as expected of someone whose grit is recognized by park moondae, never one to be light with his praises. moondae never says this out loud in any explicit ways — jaehyun knows anyway though, naturally. unsure, seon ahyeon chews on his bottom lip before tentatively calling out, “... sunbae-nim, are you here to see moondae?”

jaehyun counts it as his win.

his smile widens momentarily before it settles back to his schooled expression. “that’s right. would you please tell him?” of course, jaehyun remains cautious — accordingly adjusting his tone so that it’s less of a request but not a command either, something else in-between that’s a bit hard to say no to.

seon ahyeon contemplates his words seemingly over and over again. it feels as though something in the air shifts when he finally looks up, expression determined.

“p-please treat him well, cheongryeo sunbae-nim.” he pauses, adding, “moondae has been.. a little stressed recently. i’m sure you’ve noticed too and that’s why you’re here.”

and indeed, it’s why jaehyun is here. park moondae hubae-nim is someone predictable and unpredictable at the same time — going complete radio silence both when everything is going very well and when things are progressing so wrong. years of experience within the regressions allow jaehyun to see through these sporadic instances and the main takeaway is to just make sure to stay informed and updated with everything going on with his lover and directly seek information from the source.

“of course,” shin jaehyun settles on saying, face blank and the closest it can ever get to truthfulness.

someone like park moondae — or ryu gunwoo, no matter which one it is, it’s still him — is a handful. a high risk, high reward investment, so to speak. but over all the positive net incomes park moondae brings, there’s also an undeniable fact that at this point  jaehyun would be too stupid to let that person be hurt in any way. the fondness that squeezes his heart — the very same one he thought is already incapable of feeling since long ago, dead and frozen still within the endless loops of his restarts and forced to play a silly doll in front of the camera for what feels like centuries on end — is proof enough of that. even through the ups and downs this current life provides, to have something — someone eliciting this sort of feeling in him oddly feels even more precious than the line-up of grand prize trophies one can have in a lifetime. and it’s true, for once, there’s no ounce of dishonesty in his words. 

Apple: shin jaehyun, eat.

CHR: i ate already ^^

CHR: you as well, moondae-ssi

CHR: thank you for the attentiveness ^^

Apple: did you just have salad again

Apple: stop being picky

Apple: get some real food for once

CHR: it's not salad this time

CHR: i had beef black pepper, some vegetables and rice ^^

CHR: takeout, from the restaurant moondae-ssi recommended last time

Apple: is that so? i don't believe you. take a video proof shot next time

the world is dark. and then it’s flooded with light from all directions.

the brightness momentarily blinds him — even if jaehyun himself is the one who turned on the light switch haphazardly. immediately front and center in his field of vision is park moondae, accompanied with kong-ah whose tail is wagging more intensely than helicopter blades. he’s holding a cake, two sticks of candle pierced around the middle of it.

“happy birthday, shin jaehyun.” he says, something triumphant glimmering in his amber eyes. moondae’s hair normally looks soft — jaehyun is aware, thanks to firsthand experience, that it also is soft to touch. tonight’s park moondae looks even softer than usual, dare he says, a degree of tenderness jaehyun hasn’t ever received from him before. “it doesn’t mean much since you’re formerly a person with reset syndrome and a grandfather, but for what it’s worth, happy birthday still.”

jaehyun surges forward with long strides, taking moondae off-guard when he pries the cake off his hands and places it down the dinner table, too wide for his regular usage alone. it’s only recently that his house’s dinner table feels a little less wasteful, being more frequently used with park moondae or the other VTIC members on the days they’re made to come in for a comeback-related meeting to the point that jaehyun’s house becomes their second accommodation, a home away from home. right now though, it serves its purpose as a table well enough and shin jaehyun pays it no mind. instead, kongi barks in excitement by their side as he gathers park moondae into his arms into a hug.

“what.”

“thank you.”

“you don’t need to do this to say thank you.”

“i know.” he tightens his arms around moondae’s waist.

moondae sighs, relaxing against the familiar hold. his hands wrap around shin jaehyun as well, one of them sneaking upwards to quickly and slightly awkwardly pat his nape.

they’re two weeks late to this and it’s now closer to ryu gunwoo's and park moondae’s birthday than it is to shin jaehyun’s birthday, truth to be told. park moondae himself isn’t too sure what warrants such a rare dramatic display from a guy who’s known to keep his composure better than most.

still, they meet in the middle and melt into one with practiced ease, limbs tangled one another. park moondae rests his head on jaehyun's chest, listening to the steady thumps. it's nothing like the fast heartbeats rabbiting out of one's chest like romance novels’ clichés — just a sound he now knows well. shin jaehyun brushes a hand against his forehead, sweeping moondae's bangs away, and presses a featherlight kiss against his temples.

it's hard to believe that a person who formerly has last stage reset syndrome and used to be so trigger happy about himself can act in such affectionate ways. especially knowing shin jaehyun's past ways, how cold his observations can be, how cutthroat and chilling his decisions can be. the person in front of him right now isn't always warm, but even begrudgingly moondae has to admit that he isn't cold either — somewhere in-between, a person that still swings wildly from one thing to another. and still, that too is very humane.

“thank you,” he repeats. park moondae is sure that this grandpa-manchild mix is just trying to get a response out of him. dating has turned shin jaehyun spoiled rotten, for better or worse. on most days, park moondae tends to rethink his treatment of shin jaehyun and contemplates whether or not he isn't mean enough to the guy. unfortunately, that wouldn't yield any results though — shin jaehyun as he is right now is someone who's annoyingly persistent and cockroach-like. even if moondae were to try and bully him a bit more, it wouldn't work since his mental resilience is too strong and he'd just somehow perceive it as some form of flirtation. maybe in his bug-like eyes it counted as a courting ritual or whatever.

“thank you,” jaehyun says again, nuzzling into park moondae's hair and mischievously running his fingers alongside moondae's sides where he's most sensitive. park moondae tenses, ticklish, and immediately shoves the bastard away, putting some distance inbetween them so he can properly level shin jaehyun with a look. see — this is what he means.

“first things first. i didn't do anything worth thanking. second,” he continues immediately, giving shin jaehyun no time to retaliate, “stop that, you bastard.”

shin jaehyun chuckles without a hint of remorse. and for all the frown marring park moondae's face, he doesn't protest nor does he disentangle himself when jaehyun once again pulls him into an embrace, this time loose and completely easy for moondae to break away of should he really want to. not that jaehyun would ever try to make moondae do anything against his wishes though — it's a very good thing that the days of kidnappings and handcuff hits and flaming fandoms and alternate realities are long past them already, even if park moondae will certainly make sure to hold them over jaehyun's head from time to time anyways to keep him on his toes and to shut him up when jaehyun's talking bullshit about holding other things above park moondae instead.

a small curve stays on his lips, his palm cupping moondae's cheek. “i'm grateful regardless for the thoughts and care, moondae-ssi.” it's teasing, more than anything.

park moondae relents, sighing. “sure. you're welcome then.” jaehyun's eyes crinkle even more, shaped like two perfect crescent moons. it's a good-looking face worthy of being the most expensive photocard price holder in the whole VTIC — smiling like this, in a way he only ever shows kong-ah and park moondae, only elevates his good visuals further to a point of cheating. how can anyone not fold when they're looked at with those oddly gentle eyes by this not-at-all-kind yet objectively beautiful person?

“should we celebrate a little more? it's nearing your birthday as well.” shin jaehyun adds, “your scheduled meeting with the company isn't until tomorrow evening, right?” he doesn't miss the opportunity to slip his hand under moondae's shirt, caressing the soft skin underneath.

park moondae resists the urge to whack his head, if only for the deceptively innocent eyes shown his direction.

“no. i still have to walk to that meeting. whatever you're thinking, no.”

on the table, the candlesticks on top of the dark chocolate cake — store-bought but custom-requested from a place they both like nearby, not too sweet nor too bitter — are almost melted off completely. it's entirely good luck that they both realize this soon, right before it would be too difficult to clean up.

he insists on doing the cutting because shin jaehyun can’t be trusted with a knife, apparently. the person himself just shoots him an amused smile, the edges of his lips turning up too much for it to pass as one of his normal composed smiles for the sake of formality.

jaehyun readies two plates by moondae’s side, small forks haphazardly close by as well. the knife in shin jaehyun’s house is well-maintained and moondae is both proud and not proud to say that it’s because of his frequent visits and the amount of time he’s spent in the VTIC leader’s kitchen. grimly, he thinks, he can probably be half-asleep or drunk out of his mind and still remember where the cups are placed, the bigger dishes, or when the eggs were last stocked and which brand this household uses for black pepper seasoning.

the sharp knife slices through the chocolate cake as if it was soft butter, leaving barely any crumbs sticking to the blade. it’s inconvenient to need to cut before eating every time and knowing shin jaehyun and his bite-sized portions. he’s sure that most of these will end up distributed with the guys from VTIC or whoever else he knows. park moondae chose dark chocolate specifically knowing jaehyun and his mom prefer things to be not too sweet though — any good ‘ol cheesecake would be too sticky for their palates, while normal chocolate cakes might be overwhelmingly saccharine. he hasn’t actually met shin jaehyun’s mom personally, hearing most of what he knows of her from jaehyun’s various anecdotes — he doesn’t even know if shin jaehyun’s mom knows they’re dating or if this guy even sees her regularly during holidays, but having experienced how nice it can be at times to have one’s own birthday celebrated no matter in ways small or grand, park moondae figures it’d be nice if shin jaehyun has way too much cake and is forced to share and meet up with his mother at least just this once.

the slice comes out a bit smaller than intended, so he picks up the plate by his side, sliding the portion onto the dish and setting it aside. he picks up the other plate, mindful this time to cut a bigger piece. a trail of buttercream scrapes along the round cake dish. having safely moved the slice, he nudges the plate towards shin jaehyun without words and goes back to working on cutting the rest of the cake. portioning it evenly isn’t rocket science, though it does require a bit of caution. park moondae is more than used to it, more than up to the task.

he doesn’t see shin jaehyun’s softening eyes as he picks up the small fork on the table, spell-binded by park moondae still and entirely too pleased to ignore the slice of cake in front of him in favor of watching moondae’s careful hands.

“you are not him. where is he?”

“you're not the one who's supposed to be here.”

“hubae-nim,” a shake.

“who are you?”

“moondae-ssi, wake up,” the hands continue to gently rouse him.

park moondae's eyes fly open at the call.

his cheeks are wet. the world pulses vibrantly and the vestiges of his dreams cling to him in black and white. shin jaehyun's face hovers over him, the usual smile long gone and a concerned expression in its stead.

ah, fuck.

he says just as much out loud.

“i was dreaming,” he says more to himself than to shin jaehyun.

the reply comes anyway. “you were.” shin jaehyun's strong arms fit around his waist and pulls park moondae close. they lie side by side, facing each other now, shin jaehyun trying to bury park moondae's face into his chest — like consoling a child. park moondae cannot find it in himself to protest.

a kiss lands itself on park moondae's forehead and shin jaehyun lightly squeezes him. the traces of the dream — unrecognized by his parents, park moondae and not ryu gunwoo, and unwanted by his teammates, ryu gunwoo and not park moondae — haunt the back of his eyelids, though jaehyun's warmth chases it all away. he doesn't talk about the dream, doesn't let out a single peep. just a shaky exhale which gets lost when he leans into jaehyun's chest.

both ryu gunwoo and park moondae at the same time. this current identity is loved by a lot of people, including the members and keundal and the person in front of him right now. real and tangible and a solid presence against his own body.

a hand cups his cheek, cradling his face, and another hand wipes the wetness on his skin away. the shin jaehyun in front of him frowns lightly, an understatement to his displeasure. “..don't cry,” he says, like he doesn't know what to do. a regressor who's been in countless of different scenarios involving an infinite amount of people, of absurdity, of emotions — but this is who shin jaehyun is. horribly, horribly clumsy in anything involving the slightest bit of sincere feelings and still one of the people who care for ryu gunwoo who's currently park moondae the most.

“gunwoo hyung,” he calls again.

something warm settles in ryu gunwoo's stomach.

it's difficult to understand.

ryu gunwoo remembers the time he monitored and came across a comment citing that he must've grown up unloved and that was why he was the way he was. to a certain degree, not completely, and some parts only — it is true after all. ryu gunwoo was an orphan without close friends to speak of, out of touch with the rest of his relatives. the shoes left by his parents were huge roles to fill and in doing so, he grew into someone who only calculated for himself, caring for himself. park moondae's circumstances are a bit different, but the essential points of growing up alone are still maintained. and now that ryu gunwoo became park moondae already — one could say all of this only felt as if it was amplified.

so things like this are difficult to understand. he doesn't know how to deal with it — not when the last time he was hugged was probably in middle school and he was 29 when he died. this body — park moondae's body probably hadn't known the taste of being loved for a while too.

“yeah,” he swallows. “yeah.”

gunwoo isn't sure if it's him who softened or if it's shin jaehyun in his vision. he pulls gunwoo in again, pressing his forehead against shin jaehyun's own collarbones, protective.

“gunwoo hyung.”

shin jaehyun calls his name over and over and over again. his voice doesn't waver nor crack even once through it all. ryu gunwoo who's also park moondae falls asleep to the sound of his own name as a lullaby and the repetitive motions of shin jaehyun's palms caressing his waist.

“shin jaehyun,” he croaks out sleepily, more to himself than to the person in question.

and still, shin jaehyun's arms wrap around him, secure, squeezing his waist tenderly from time to time. “gunwoo-hyung,” shin jaehyun says, something heavy and unfamiliar, something safe and protective swirling in his eyes. something meaningful — that gunwoo would say he has yet to learn to interpret. “let me take care of you.”

the remark is left unanswered, but gunwoo leans forward and lets shin jaehyun catch him. their lips brush against one another, not hesitantly nor tentatively, with a tenderness that also feels foreign. new, new — all of this is new: the way shin jaehyun breaths him in and swipes his tongue against gunwoo’s lower lip, dragging out a soft gasp that shin jaehyun greedily swallows without a second thought, the hands roaming his sides, caressing as if ryu gunwoo is made out of the finest precious gems the world has to offer. he chases after the sensation like a starved man finding an oasis, angling his head up to better slot their mouths together. shin jaehyun brushes the fringes of his blond hair back, scratching the sharp edges of his nails against ryu gunwoo’s scalp lightly. gunwoo hisses, a shudder running down his spine.

he breaks apart into shin jaehyun's arms, pieces and even smaller pieces, falling into it without preamble. shin jaehyun holds him together, gluing together every stray part with due diligence worthy of a regressor who strives only for perfection. his arms do not cage moondae in, they prop him up — not a crutch, merely a temporary resting place. accepting and languid, shin jaehyun lets ryu gunwoo's colors bleed into his own. they melt into one, black and white blending into a calm shade of grey as their mouths remain pressed and hungry for one another, skin moist from the proximity.

“shin jaehyun,” he says. the voice sounds like his, at least. breathier, punched out. his heart ripples without a stop and gunwoo's cheeks are warm as a summer day.

jaehyun's eyes are upon him, crescent moons crinkled in a smile.

“gunwoo-hyung.”

the glint in his eyes is clear unlike a stormy day. ryu gunwoo still doesn't know what to make of it. the safety and softness, as if a foreign and exotic sweet fruit, are unknown to him. a flavor he had long forgotten, a treasure of the distant past that stayed hidden and collected layers upon layers of dust in the deepest depths of his memories while the world pushed him again and again closer to the edge. for someone who's so used to mending after himself and himself only, he has always been extraordinarily good at loving others. ryu gunwoo fixes stitches like a talented tailor, adding extra lengths to the hem of a winter coat with ease, warm and cordial despite the deceivingly deadpan expression on his face. his attentiveness stretches and slips almost unseen and yet sorely felt in-between the folds and pleats of life. albeit, funnily enough, ryu gunwoo's know-how doesn't reach up to ways of being loved, awkward and bordering on graceless.

still, he tries to receive it the best he can. ryu gunwoo remains pliant as shin jaehyun reaches into him, tilting up his chin as careful as ever. where shin jaehyun calls, ryu gunwoo meets him right in the middle. trusting — almost.

it seems that being loved changed ryu gunwoo a little bit — a few years ago he wouldn't have done any of this, would never even find purpose in saying things storming his head as they were. the dingy apartment he used to live in was painted floor to ceiling in quiet — saying ‘i'm home’ or ‘let's eat well’ or muttering any other thoughts meant nothing when there was no one to respond to your meaningless words. today though, here and now, surrounded by trustworthy people who've had his back time and time again, he's grown lax and his walls have dropped. just a little bit more.

Apple: (ID: two carefully taken pictures of kong wearing a raincoat in different angles. one is shot from afar, the other more close up. kong's tail is blurry from non-stop wagging)

Apple: going on a walk.

CHR: (ID: a six seconds video video of shin jaehyun feeding himself a spoonful of rice and vegetables. the frame also captures a full bento box consisting of rice, vegetables, cut up pieces of fruits and fried fish filet as protein. there's an untouched cup full of tartar sauce by the side. the sound is unmuted, noisy with people milling about backstage for a concert preparation)

CHR: today's lunch ^^

before, their relationship was at best described as business partners. while certainly not cold, it was calculative and a particular balance had to be kept. he wouldn't deny that he grew to view cheongryeo favorably — the guy who kidnapped him with a fake setting and unblinking cameras and metaphorically hit him in the head with steel hammers not just once but every moment he least expected it — as time flew and passed by, but it wasn't a point where he foresaw dating that very same guy either. it wasn't a point where he foresaw dating at all, truthfully said.

in a twist of events, park moondae supposes that the heart often betrays the head and he must've either grown too fond or gone crazy. that they end up so close that they are in a relationship now is something no one could've known. some days, he thinks that even cheongryeo couldn't have known.

shin jaehyun's arms tighten around his waist as he hums, chin perched over park moondae's shoulder. his chest is pressed against park moondae's back because the crazy guy somehow likes it when they're seated like this, park moondae practically all over his lap. he doesn't have it in him to protest, not when shin jaehyun looks so serene and sated this way.

and really, he also couldn't have known that shin jaehyun is such a tactile person. the composed leader of VTIC perhaps feels more like an untouchable figure to most people — someone warm enough to smile and greet you but cool enough to not let others concoct and nurture any misunderstandings about the arm's length distance. a perfect acquaintance, not necessarily a friend. that's the logical conclusion to anyone with a semi-decent social awareness and observational skill.

here he is anyway, a leech that loves sticking his grimy fingers on park moondae. park moondae openly heaves the heaviest of sighs, resigning to his fate of the night and reclining back to relax against shin jaehyun's taller figure.

the breathy chuckle he gets as a response almost makes him want to rip himself away from shin jaehyun's hold — not that it'd mean a lot. this bastard can be clingy and he's not afraid of using his physique to get what he wants. park moondae can't even say it's a dirty trick too.

“the participants of ‘top 100 most dateable male celebrity’ would revoke their votes for you if they knew how much of a leech you are.”

his head replays the reel of their conversation a few days ago — when a random news site came out with korea's most dateable male celebrity list and shin jaehyun unsurprisingly took the first place, beating even some popular actors and the T-holic seniors. for reference, TeSTAR's highest ranked is also their leader, ryu cheongwoo, falling somewhere around the top 10. park moondae himself was a bit further down the line up — followed by a two-line explanation of his, quote, cute and slightly 4D but earnest character, unquote.

“is that what moondae-ssi personally believes? i thought physical touch is a love language people highly appreciate.”

he punctuates his statement by brushing his lips over park moondae's fair nape — which instantly flushes under shin jaehyun's attention. it is very cute.

“anything is good only with moderation.”

“hmm, i see. i'm moderating myself plenty enough though.”

park moondae's answering hiss is so entertaining that jaehyun barks another laugh.

in all honesty, moondae would be remiss to not notice all the reasons why one might find shin jaehyun dateable. good-looking and somewhat considerate, polite enough to get along with in-laws, high profile and successful enough to impress them. no single person in this entire country would not know the name of VTIC's cheongryeo. he even had ahjussi fans — something shin jaehyun once gloated to moondae's face, fresh out of a fansigning event, a tranquil smile that'd look mischievous on other people on his lips as he recounted the experience of being called cool by a man so far outside idol boy groups' target demographic to park moondae over video call.

it's just a moondae thing though. it's not everyday someone dates their former kidnapper. maybe he really has gone crazy.

“moondae-ssi,” jaehyun calls again, breaking moondae's reverie. “did you lose some weight?” he says it more as a statement than a question.

one of his hands maps out a route across park moondae's abdomen. the familiar blank expression — equivalent to a concerned frown to everyone else, maybe — is loud and clear in shin jaehyun's voice. a soft sigh hits park moondae's skin.

“you always tell me to eat more regularly — you also need to eat more as well.”

the words aren’t chiding nor unkind, they also don’t carry any undertones of petulance. instead, shin jaehyun is an anchor and his words are the winds sweeping over the seas, furling waves gently washing over him. they’re steadfast and resolute, not an order nor a request but a simple and maybe unfortunate fact that he’s cared for — the sun rises from the east and shin jaehyun has somehow grown on him like vines creeping up the walls of park moondae’s heart.

there really aren't a lot of points to ‘top 100 most dateable male celebrity’ polls even back in the 2000s where they used to hold it twice a year in tabloids and magazines. not when the winner’s most dateable quality is only for park moondae’s eyes to witness.

he sighs, “i will.”

if only to make sure shin jaehyun doesn’t wind up fussing — though he is probably a much lesser evil  than if any of moondae’s members find out. that’ll surely get dragged even longer.

til the end of their meeting, before moondae finally has to go home and head to another schedule and jaehyun has to meet up with a bunch of management staffs, he stays seated between shin jaehyun’s spread legs and shin jaehyun stays wrapped around him like a badly shaped dumpling. park moondae’s hand doesn’t budge where it rests on top of shin jaehyun’s palms locked around his middle.

CHR: moondae-ssi, i'll be at home the whole day today.

Apple: i’m free after dinner. i'll come over.

Apple: do you need me to bring anything?

Apple: last time your last toilet paper was put on already. i'll grab some

CHR: can i trouble you to get kongi's food as well?

Apple: the usual store?

Apple: (ID: moving sticker of dog doing a thumbs up with a deadpan face)

Apple: i'll pick it up then

when he arrives in shin jaehyun’s house today, instead of kongi running up to circle his legs in figures of eights, tail wagging without stopping, and instead of shin jaehyun who eventually comes out, a smile slowly blooming on his previously blank face, park moondae gets the other three VTIC members ushering him inside and seating him down in front of the huge screen of shin jaehyun’s — usually unused and unnecessarily big — television. belatedly, he notices that a laptop is connected to it.

what.

“we,” shinoh starts, unsure. “heard about what happened in TeSTAR’s dorm.”

“and so we prepared this! gunwoo hyung, please pay attention to what we have to say until the end.”

how they even heard about it moondae has no idea either. jin chaeyul nods sympathetically behind the opened laptop. judan is the only one far on the other side, staring off a long yard ahead and seemingly being unable to decide just how much he doesn’t want to be there.

with a tap on the keyboard, the slideshow starts. the title page reads, ‘why park moondae should remain dating with shin jaehyun-hyung.'  comic sans, black font on white background haphazardly thrown together with a lot of clip-arts along the side as if it was made in an emergency. suddenly, moondae understands why judan does not want to be there.

“first, jaehyun-hyung is a very talented idol with numerous years of experience under his belt.”

the PPT shows a fan-taken video of shin jaehyun dancing to VTIC’s hit song <sangun>. it’s a video he’s familiar of — this particular TICA has great camera skills and park moondae had met them a few times before during his data pal days as ryu gunwoo. beyond that, it’s also known within VTIC’s fans as a legendary shin jaehyun fancam that amassed 143 million views on wetube for the impeccable styling and outfit choices that day in addition to shin jaehyun’s professional behavior when his mic pack fell and he slipped it back on while somehow making the movement seem like it’s part of the choreography.

the next nine minutes are wasted watching the fancam until the end and then watching another video of cuts of a VTIC vocal recording behind the scenes from the most recent comeback.

why is he even here.

the presentation fades out and back in again. this time. showcasing a plethora of magazine photos, fan-taken images, and official concept photos of shin jaehyun through various eras in various activities, differing clothes albeit mostly similar hairstyles. the whole slide is filled top to bottom and left to right with photos of shin jaehyun in every angle known to mankind.

jin chaeyul speaks up next, “and! naturally, being an idol, he’s also very handsome! our jaehyun-hyung was ranked fourth on last year’s SC Chandelier top 100 most handsome faces! he’s been featured in a lot of reputable fashion magazines and he’s still always within the top 10 winners of any reputable KPOP international news site’s fan polls of most handsome male idols!”

he looks like a passionate door-to-door salesman trying to win the heart of the neighborhood’s most fussy ahjumma, speeding through various screenshots of these ‘visual accomplishments’ that shin jaehyun allegedly won.

“jaehyun-hyung is even handsome when he’s freshly woken up!”

“he really is handsome from every angle,” shinoh adds. they both turn their gaze to judan to support this statement — judan whose face sour more and more as if he’s been fed a thousand lemons in one sitting while he tries to detach from the harsh reality he’s facing.

in the end, the silence only stretches and jin chaeyul and shinoh’s combined teamwork finally crumbles judan’s hardened walls.

with a heavy sigh, he smooths out his expression and reluctantly agrees, “...his face card never declines.”

jin chaeyul’s satisfied acknowledgement cues shinoh to move on to their next point.

after a dozen of slides containing everything from shin jaehyun’s award-winning leadership abilities, a disturbing dozen pictures of his abs on close up, waxing poetic on his song-writing abilities and his involvement in producing VTIC songs, enough photographs of long legs and muscled thighs in distressed jeans or black leather pants to last an entire lifetime, fans’ loving commentaries and producers or other collaborators’ testimonies on shin jaehyun's impeccably clean and more than slightly intimidating personality framed as ‘kindness and politeness,’ finally they reach what shinoh dubs the last point in this way-too-prepared presentation. park moondae was beginning to get concerned about his throat condition thanks to the ultra long-winded tangents of praises for shin jaehyun. he didn't peg shinoh to be even more of a yes-man to shin jaehyun than jin chaeyul already is. fortunately, moondae's joy at the coming ending is shared with another person in the room — judan, who's been constantly coerced into making comments here and there despite his very apparent wish to participate in this conversation.

and then suddenly, everything is bright gold.

kong-ah — a very corny and very glittery video of him, to be exact — fills the whole screen. the visuals and editing style are reminiscent of the grandpa GIFs kim raebin often sends as greeting to TeSTAR's groupchat. the background music is some recent K-drama OST that went viral with young people, packed with cinematic strings and a mellow whisper of the vocalist starting the song. everything is set on low enough volume that park moondae remains unfortunate to hear what jin chaeyul says next, “and the final point is.. jaehyun-hyung is a brilliant dad to kong and our cute kong loves him!”

his eyes are piercing as if jin chaeyul is 100%, no, 150% sure that this is the main reason park moondae is in a relationship with shin jaehyun, daring him to retaliate. refute.

moondae clears his throat.

they have a point — kong plays a pretty big percentage in this relationship.

right at that moment, the front door swings open and shin jaehyun is greeted with a happily barking kong as the BGM slips into a high-note chorus. the screen fades to black and automatically forwards to a thank you page, subtitled again with that very same title from the beginning, ‘why park moondae should remain dating with shin jaehyun-hyung,’ a regular reminder that they’re out here, wasting almost two hours of their entire lives for this sort of thing.

shin jaehyun turns his head to face the VTIC members and from this angle, park moondae can’t clearly see his expression, though the reactions of the trio are telling enough.

jin chaeyul and shinoh are pulled aside for an impromptu ‘internal meeting’ and he’s left alone with judan — graciously saved from having to deal with shin jaehyun’s icy smile and jabbing remarks. in the first place, it’s rather surprising to even see judan there, considering how much he also looks like he’s 0.3 seconds away from bolting out of the house and into the unknown where no one can find him for the next decade or at least until the next VTIC comeback is in the works and they need him in the practice rooms.

judan is typically not the standard image of normalcy — however, compared to jin chaeyul and shinoh’s shenanigans today, he should’ve at least been somewhat closer.

“why,” park moondae says.

the one question he kept repeating in his head through the entire a hundred and twenty minutes worth of glorified pictures of shin jaehyun’s body in various degree of zooming and various angles. in truth, he has even more questions than that — by the order of importance and urgency, that one slips out first though. too honestly and too exasperatedly.

the complete muteness that swallows them whole afterwards speaks for itself.

“...it wasn’t my idea, in my defense.”

judan adds, “it may not be obvious to yoonshin-hyung and chaeyul-hyung, but psychologically, it’s normal to enjoy thrilling rush of risk-taking  as a human, especially when one has gone through so many supernatural and dangerous situations. in this logic, it’s unlikely that a break up will happen.”

perhaps he shouldn’t have come to shin jaehyun’s house today — who would have known that park moondae will be called an adrenaline addict by this guy out of all people? coming from the person who, one week after VTIC came to know the light of their relationship, visited park moondae personally and sat him down and checked for security cameras to avoid and asked if park moondae was being blackmailed into anything he did not sign up for? the very same jung woodan? what the fuck. betrayal tastes like incredulousness scratched by a hint of relief and mirth at the same time. park moondae reckons he really should go home soon.

“on top of that, the situation is personal to you two and has nothing to do with VTIC as a group professionally. jaehyun-hyung is more than capable of separating work and private life.” he pauses, suddenly looking so fatigued as if a truck ran him over and sent him to another world. “the hyungs got excited at the idea of doing something to repay their debt to jaehyun-hyung though. it is very hard to stop their whirlwind once they get going.”

park moondae accepts this explanation silently and with as much grace as he can allow — which isn’t much, but he’s trying. when shin jaehyun is finally done with shinoh and jin chaeyul, the two of them look like they’ve been dragged to hell and back, a pair of professional idols apologizing to him like kicked puppies who don’t understand why they’re being scolded.

he sighs when he tells them it’s okay and he almost gives in to the urge to curse out shin jaehyun again when asked — with a degree of smugness moondae is sure he’s not imagining — if he prefers thighs or abs and of course, park moondae doesn’t tell any of them that a plan to break up never even crossed his mind.