Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

So, where should I start? Telling a story about someone’s life is hard, especially if they live as long as he will.

I could start at the beginning, I guess. It can be a good place to start. But do you really want me to describe every day? Say every word that he ever heard, describe all the food he’s ever eaten? We’d be here for centuries, and I don’t know about you, but my chair is not comfortable enough for that.

On the other hand, I could just summarize everything in one sentence: He was born, and eventually, he’ll die for good.

Do you want more detail? His parents sucked, he killed his father, he was killed by a vampire, and then her ex brought him back to life, whereupon he proceeded to commit levels of violence previously unknown to civilization.

But that’s not what I’m going to say. I’m telling a story, and I happen to be a storyteller. I know how to start a story. And this story starts with the very first night they met.

On that night, so long ago now, Jonny Vangelis fiddled with his gun as he walked up to the baker’s shop.

He wasn’t scared he’d miss--no, he’d shot plenty of what passes for game in New Texas. He was sure he’d hit.

He wasn’t scared of retaliation, either. It was a small town, and everyone knew how the baker had been cheating on his wife. No one would deny her her revenge.

If you asked Jonny why he was scared, he’d laugh at you and say that he’s not scared, he’s never scared. But…that’s not the truth, is it?

He was terrified. Because there’s a difference between hunting a rabbit and killing a man in cold blood.

He wasn’t scared that he wouldn’t do it--no, the money from this job went straight to his top surgery fund, and he cared much more about his eventual lack of boobs than some random-ass cheater. No, he was scared of what he might become.

Because every single person who hurts other people for fun started with one murder for the right reasons.

And Jonny didn’t know what he’d become if he started killing people.

He didn’t even know if he wanted to avoid it.

So, through all of this inner turmoil, I think he can be forgiven for not noticing the commotion in the bakery as he opened the door.

There were three people in the bakery. There was the baker, standing behind the counter, which Jonny had expected. And then there were the two women standing next to him, drinking his blood.

Jonny had very much not expected that.

At the sound of the door opening, the two women turned to look at him. The baker, no longer held up by their bites, slumped over the counter, twitched a bit, then lay still.

Jonny froze. He didn’t know what to do--and, I mean, what would you do if you were confronted by two vampires who had just killed the man you were hired to murder?

I would probably thank them for saving me the trouble.

That was a rhetorical question, hermana. What have I said about interrupting stories?

Don’t you love audience participation?

I…do actually. But for this story, no.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it through the entire story without interruptions, so please don’t break my flow.

Sorry, I’ll shut up.

So, where was I?

Oh yes, vampires had just killed the baker, and Jonny was standing there, terrified.

One of the vampires, who Jonny would guess was from New Germany, walked around the counter toward him. Jonny pressed himself against the door. He wanted to run, but judging by the predatorial gleam in her eyes, there was no way he’d live long if he tried.

“Loreli,” the other vampire said. She looked to be from New Japan, and was leaning on the counter. “You can’t kill them. They’re just a kid.” Jonny bit back his instinctive response, which was to protest that he was 17 now, and practically an adult. He had just enough common sense left to realize that saying that probably wouldn’t help.

The vampire--Loreli--stopped, looking annoyed. “We can’t let the locals know what we are, Carmilla. You remember the last time that happened. And we can’t safely leave now.”

“I won’t tell anyone if you let me go,” Jonny said.

The full force of Loreli’s glare was turned on him and he swallowed, instinctively trying to step backwards before he realized that he was still trapped. “How do we know you won’t tell anyone? We can’t just take a kid’s promise.”

“I’ve been paid to kill him. If you let me shoot him--or you shoot him yourself--then everyone’ll think that’s how he died. Then I get paid, you get a meal without everyone being worried about vampires, everyone wins. And even if I end up wanting to tell someone, they’ll either think I’m going insane or force me to pay back Widow Rodriguez.”

“The kid makes a good point, Loreli,” Carmilla said.

Loreli narrowed her eyes. Then sighed. “Fine. But, kid, if you tell anyone about us, that will not save anyone. We’ll probably end up killing more people in self-defense than we ever would feeding. Understand?” Jonny nodded. “Then go wait in the back while we finish eating.”

Jonny nodded, walked into the kitchen, sat down against the wall, and started crying. He had seen someone’s corpse, he had almost died, and he would have died if it hadn’t been for the kindness of one random vampire. And, oh yeah, his childhood nightmares were real and less than 10 feet away from him. It’s honestly surprising he held up that long.

After a while, maybe ten minutes, maybe ten hours, Jonny heard a knock on the door. “Hey kid,” said the nicer vampire. “Mind if I come in?”

Jonny wiped off his face and sat up. “Yeah,” he responded, trying not to sound too much like he’d been bawling his eyes out.

She walked in, leaned her cane against the wall, and sat down on the floor next to him. “I…I’d ask you if you’re okay, but you’re obviously not.”

Jonny laughed. “What gave it away, lady?”

“Vampires have great hearing. What’s your name, kid?”

“Jonny Vangelis. I’m a boy.”

“Doctor Carmilla Karnstein. I’m a woman. Nice to meet you.” She stuck out her hand, and Jonny shook it, still feeling detached from reality. “Can you shoot the corpse, or do you want me to do it for you?”

“I think I can?”

“Good.” They walked out to the main room together, and Jonny leaned on her when he shot Mr. Rod--when he shot the corpse. “Can I escort you home?”

“I can get home on my own,” Jonny said.

“Loreli wants me to walk you home.”

“Really? She didn’t seem that concerned for my safety earlier.”

“It’s not because of that. It’s so, in case you tell anyone…” Jonny could fill in the blanks. His parents, pale and slumped on the ground like Mr. Rodrigues. As much as he claimed he didn’t care about Emma and Billy Vangelis…he couldn’t see that.

“Oh. I guess you better walk me home then.” Jonny made an elaborate sweeping gesture at the door. “After you.”

Carmilla laughed. “Such a gentleman.” She walked out into the New Texan night, and Jonny followed after her.

Chapter Text

Now, this story isn’t entirely about Jonny Vangelis. 

Later that night, when it could almost be called morning, Carmilla Karnstein was disassembling her wheelchair, and cursing New Texas for being so goddamned sandy. She hadn’t even used her wheelchair outside yet, so why did it already have sand in its gears? Did the sand have some innate quality where it teleported into the most inconvenient spot possible?

“Carmilla,” came Loreli’s voice from the doorway of the room.

Carmilla put down her tools. Loreli didn’t like it when she was doing something else while they talked. “Yes, Loreli?”

Loreli sat down next to her. “Everything I do is for us. You know that, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, and I normally agree, it’s just that killing a kid-”

“I know, my love. And that’s why we let them go. But I don’t want to see you get hurt because you feel bad for someone.” Loreli played with Carmilla’s hair, and she leaned into the touch. “I’m worried about you.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep myself safe.”

“I believe that you’ll try, but…Berta promised to keep herself safe, the last time I saw her before the bomb. I…I can’t lose you like I lost her.”

“You won’t. We’re almost immortal, remember? It’ll take a lot to kill us, and I don’t think New Texas could manage it. I’ll be safe.”

“They can still hurt you. Please, can you stay inside unless I’m around to protect you?”

“I won’t go outside alone, I promise.”

“Good.” Loreli kissed her softly. "Do you want me to show you what I've been working on?"

“What is it?”

“This.” Loreli held out what looked like a heart, but…was it coated in oil? What was that rainbowy sheen? “Once I get it working, it’ll an everlasting source of blood. We won’t have to stop to feed at these small, dangerous, backwater planets anymore.”

“How close do you think it is to finishing?”

“I have almost all of the materials, and I think I can find the rest here.” Loreli looked up from the heart to her. “It can just be you and me, going wherever we want to go. Together until the end of time.”

“Just us,” Carmilla repeated, smiling, ignoring the part of her that yelled that this was wrong. 

That part of her was broken, anyways. It went off a lot when she was with Loreli, but there wasn’t anything wrong with her and Loreli (or at least, she hoped she hadn’t messed anything up). Adult relationships require compromise. Loreli was worried about her, so she agreed to keep herself safer. And Loreli compromised too, by not killing Jonny. And yes, she liked going to rural planets, and talking with everyone, and learning all of the stories. But she should prefer preferred spending time with her wife. Loreli was right. These planets were just dangerous and a distraction. 

Her relationship with Loreli was the only thing she truly had, and she couldn’t risk losing it.

Loreli kissed her quickly. “I’ll be in our bed. Please join me soon.”

Carmilla returned to the wheelchair. She probably wouldn’t have time to clean it fully by the time Loreli got impatient, but she could get it back to working condition. 

Carmilla couldn’t stop thinking about Jonny, though. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he was the first person she had spoken to one-on-one other than Loreli for the past…she didn’t know how long. Or maybe it was him: his magnetic charisma, his jokes, the pure heart she could see buried under all of that. She didn’t know. 

But she knew she wanted to find out.

Chapter Text

The next time they met was just random chance. 

Jonny Vangelis was walking around the docks, looking for something to do. He probably should have been asleep at that hour, but trying to sleep meant laying down with nothing to distract him, and he was pretty sure if he tried that he’d start screaming and never stop. He’d tried One Eyed Jack’s, but the good job smirks from Jack and the whispers of have you heard what happened to Mr. Rodriguez? from the other patrons quickly drove him out. 

Everything felt wrong in the worst way. He ran his fingers against the spaceships, but they were all too slippery. He readjusted his vest, but it was still noticeably too tight on his chest. He wanted to sew something, but all his clothes were fixed, and his mo–Emma was already asleep and wouldn’t be happy with him if he woke her up to ask for more projects. Would a tighter binder work? The dust levels were too high right now for that to be entirely safe, but how much did he care? Maybe he could sew himself a new vest that fit better–but then it would be the wrong shape. He only had half of the money for his top surgery. Could he steal the rest? Most of what he had right now came from the mur–the job for Widow Rodriguez. Would he take that sort of job again? Could he take out a loan from the loan sharks? Could he work for the loan sharks? Who would he get to sign that he could get surgery as a minor? They might not let his dad sign if he was drunk, and Jonny figured he had 50/50 chances of convincing his dad to not get drunk before a meeting with a public official. His m–Emma definitely wouldn’t get drunk, but he wouldn’t put it past her to convince them that “my daughter is just going through a phase that she’ll grow out of in a year” and that they shouldn't “under any circumstances let my alcoholic husband allow her to do something she’ll regret for the rest of her life”. Maybe he’d be able to convince them that Jack was his legal guardian? He started rubbing his thumb on his vest. He wished he was wearing a belt. Belts had the best texture. 

“Were you looking for me?” he heard from behind him. He spun around to see Carmilla standing on the gangplank of the ship he had just passed, leaning heavily on her cane. 

“No. I was just,” he shrugged, “wandering.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Sure.” They walked in silence for a bit, before Jonny asked, “Can you be my legal guardian?”

“...What?” Carmilla stopped walking and stared at him.

“I’m a minor, so I can’t get top surgery without a legal guardian signing for it. Can you be my legal guardian?”

“Yes, but I don’t have any New Texan papers proving who I am, and I can’t go anywhere during the daytime. Or, alternatively, I'm a doctor.” Carmilla smiled, and it showed her fangs. “I could give you top surgery.”

“Wait, what?” Jonny started flapping his hands. “Can you? Right now?”

“Well, first, I need to make sure you understand the possible consequences–”

Jonny scoffed. “I know the spiel, 'This is permanent, you might regret this, I wished I looked different when I was young but I'm glad I didn't do anything' I. Don't. Care. The only consequence is that I'll never again have the things I've wanted nothing to do with since I grew them!" 

"I…was talking about the medical consequences.”

“Oh.”

“Do you know what they are?”

“...Sort of?” He paused. “...Not really? Or at all?”

“So, it’s 3-5 hours in surgery, 4 weeks wearing a post-op binder constantly, 2-4 weeks of recovery after that, and all the risks that come with any surgery. Do not plan to do anything for the first week after the surgery.”

“...Huh. I think I’m free for a while in, like, a month?” They started walking again. 

“I’d be happy to do it whenever, as long as it’s before we leave. We should probably be here for another couple of months, so you have time, but not too much time.”

“Yeah, so probably in about a month.”

“Oh, and another thing that you probably won’t like: Before surgery, no eating for 6 hours, no fluids for 2 hours, and no makeup. That includes nail polish.”

“What? Why? You’re just being mean.” Jonny sulked dramatically, sitting down on the ground.

Carmilla laughed. “You might vomit, makeup introduces germs, and nail polish makes it harder to detect your blood-oxygen levels. I’m not making this up.”

“Or, you’re really good at coming up with professional-sounding reasons to be mean to me.”

“Yep, that’s definitely it. I’m not at all worried about your health.”

Jonny smiled at her. “Not at all.”

Chapter Text

When Jonny showed up on Carmilla and Loreli’s spaceship’s front door a month later, he wasn’t expecting to see the woman that had argued for his murder. 

Though, he probably should have been. He knew that she travelled with Carmilla, so it would make sense if they lived in the same spaceship. 

But, in his defence, he wasn’t thinking about who he might meet. He was too busy wondering if he could get Carmilla to collect what she took out of him during the surgery so he could burn it, and what it would smell like if he did. 

So weird.

No! That’s a completely normal thought! I’m pretty sure everyone who has boobs they don’t want has thought about what it would be like to burn them. 

I think you’re projecting.

Didn’t I just say you shouldn’t interrupt?

Now, when Jonny was pulled out of his completely normal thoughts, hermana, Loreli greeted him, and invited him inside.

“Don’t you hate me?” he asked. “Are you going to try to kill me?”

“If you wanted to tell anyone about us, you would have already. But you didn’t.” She stuck out her hand. “I’m Loreli Karnstein, nice to meet you.”

“Are you related to Carmilla?” Jonny asked, ignoring the hand.

“We’re married.” Loreli pulled her hand back. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No! You know that I’m trans, right? Wait, no, that doesn’t mean that I support gay rights. Well, I do. I completely understand that women are pretty. Wait, that would make me straight. Men are also pretty. And handsome, that’s probably the right word. I understand why you would like Carmilla. Though not her specifically. Not that she’s not very attractive, she is, I just am very much not interested in her that way.”

Loreli laughed. “I was joking. If you had a problem with us, Carmilla would have figured it out already and killed you.”

“...Good to know? I think?”

“Are you scaring away the houseguests again, Loreli?” Carmilla asked.

“No, love.”

“Jonny?”

“Yeah. What the scary lady said.”

Carmilla laughed against her own good judgement. Why did the first queer kid she’d ever tried to adopt have to be so sassy? Next time she adopted a kid, she’d choose better. Maybe a princess. They would probably be so sweet and never ever interrupt a story, right, hermana?

Absolutely.

Anyway, I’m going to skip the surgery. If you want a detailed description of surgery, you can ask Marius, or maybe Raphaella. After I’m done with this story.

When Jonny woke up, still bleary from the anaesthesia, Carmilla was standing over him.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“Boobless.” He laughed. “Get it? Boobless?”

“...No?”

“Boobless, like I don’t have boobs, but also, like boobless.” He gestured at his chest, then started laughing again.

“...I don’t know why I expected you to make more sense than you usually do.”

“Hey, I make plenty of sense. Like, your wife, Laura, she’s scary. But I like her. Do you like her?”

“Yes, I do. That’s why I married her.”

“A bunch a people don’t like the people they married. Like the Rodriguezeses. Do you want me to murder her for you?” 

Jonny looked up at her, so genuine about being willing to murder Loreli that Carmilla had to laugh. “No, please don’t murder her. If I need to, I’ll murder her myself.”

Jonny didn’t respond to that. Carmilla checked on him, and found that he’d fallen asleep again. “Goodnight, Jonny Vangelis,” she whispered to him.

Chapter Text

Two months later, Jonny and Carmilla went strolling in the park together. 

“How have you been doing?” Jonny asked Carmilla.

She shrugged. “Loreli has me making sure that the new heart she’s made won’t unexpectedly break. A couple of systems ago, we found this material that would automatically fix itself, but it can easily end up interfering with itself while it heals, so I’m refining it a bit to make it more stable.”

Jonny nodded. Carmilla looked at him. “What’s wrong? That’s your opportunity to rant.”

He shrugged. “Nothing’s happened lately, I guess.”

“You’ve complained about the type of cereal you ate. I’m sure something has happened. What is it?”

He shrugged again. “Nothing really. I guess the most important thing that happened was that Emma died, but that’s–”

“Wait, Emma? Did your mom die?” Carmilla interrupted.

“She hasn’t been my mom in a while.”

“Oh, Jonny.” Carmilla pushed herself up from her wheelchair and hugged him. Jonny pressed his face into her shoulder and tried not to cry. He, of course, failed miserably. 

“It shouldn’t matter to me,” he said, voice muffled. “I think I talked to the other seamstresses more than her in the past year. She only cared about her precious little daughter. There was nothing connecting us.”

“But…she used to love you. She raised you, and even though she’s abandoned you, you still hoped that she’ll love you again.”

Jonny nodded. “It was a heart attack. They don’t know if it was just random chance, or if I might inherit it.” 

“I can check.”

“New Texas has nothing that can help if I do have something. Unless you have a bunch of heart pills on your ship, I don’t want to know.”

Carmilla nodded, deciding to run a test on him the second she could, and to arrange for a shipment of meds to be sent to him if the tests came up positive. But later.

Jonny breathed for a couple more moments, then pulled away. “Can we ignore that for now? I can’t…” He trailed off.

“Yeah.” Carmilla sat back down on her wheelchair. “So, what’s happening?”

“One of the local tailors shops has a job opening that I can probably get. That should be easily enough to pay for food. Billy’s having a hard time, drinking and gambling more, so I’ll probably cut my finances off from him. I’ll pay the houses expenses, and otherwise I won’t help him. I can’t afford to.

“After that… I’ll have a normal job, a normal enough life, so I’ll probably retry dating, I guess? There’s a new boy in town who’s pretty. Think I can seduce him, Mom?”

Carmilla blinked. “What?”

“I’ve decided to adopt you as my mom.” Jonny grinned. “Think I can seduce him?”

Carmilla put on her most over-the-top maternal smile. “You can do anything you want, kiddo.”

Chapter Text

Someone was knocking on the door. Carmilla rolled over, hoping that would stop the noise. When it continued, she groaned. “Lora, can you get the door?”

“I checked the cameras,” came the reply. “He’s your pet, you have to take care of him when he bangs on the door in the middle of the day.”

Carmilla groaned and pulled the blanket over her head. Loreli pulled it off again. “Loreliiiiiiiiii,” she protested.

“Carmillaaaaaa. Go take care of your raccoooooon.”

Carmilla rolled out of bed, and walked to the door. Her left knee protested at the weight, but her wheelchair was charging and she didn’t know where her cane was, so it could deal with that. 

She opened the door, and Jonny almost fell inside. He looked dishevelled, even more than usual. He was wearing his usual eye makeup, but it was excessively smudged, and…Carmilla had to admit that he looked a lot like a raccoon.

“I need your help,” he blurted, catching himself on the doorframe.

A switch flipped in Carmilla’s brain. She had been going to lecture him on waking people up (it was 3 pm, she should never have to be awake at this hour, she had killed people for waking her up later than this). But now that she knew that her kid was in trouble… “I’ll make us tea.”

***

“What the fuck is this?” Jonny asked, staring into his cup of tea.

Carmilla laughed. She took a sip of her own tea, and the caffeine helped her feel a lot more human–or vampire–than she did when she opened the door. “It’s matcha. No I did not swap it for a dangerous chemical, and yes, it is supposed to be that green.”

“Is it one of those things that’s poisonous to some humans and not others?”

“No. Drink your tea.” When Jonny did so, she asked him, “What do you need help with?”

“Jack wants to hire me to be his hitman.”

Carmilla blinked. “Why? You’ve only murdered one person according to him. Aren’t there people with more experience?”

“I…might have taken credit for four other murders.”

“Why?”

“A couple of the people you and Loreli killed had bounties out for them,” he said defensively. “I’m not going to pass up on free cash.”

Carmilla sighed, but it actually wasn’t too bad of an idea. The problem was with what it lead to. “So why don’t you turn down the job?”

“So, that’s the fun thing! The job is to kill people who owe Jack money, so that their assets can be sold to pay the debt. Can you guess who’s number one on that list? Here’s a hint: his name starts with W, and ends with illiam aka Billy Vangelis.”

“Ah.” 

“Yeah. He promised to get rid of my dad’s debt if I worked for him. I said I wouldn’t get involved in Da’s finances anymore, but…can I really go to his funeral, knowing there’s something I could have done to stop it?”

There was no good answer to that. Especially from a woman who had killed her own father. “Do you want my advice on whether to take the job, or on how to do it?”

“I think I’ve made up my mind about the job.”

“Then negotiate on a contract first, read it, and then both of you sign it. Know what the terms are, so he can’t threaten your father forever. 

“And as for when you’re murdering someone, don’t look them in the eye. Don’t look at their face or know their name. Shoot them in the back. Pretend they’re a NPC in a video game. Leave immediately after the job is done. And I’ll be here for you. Even if it’s the middle of the day and I’m asleep.”

“Middle of the…Oh, yeah, you’re nocturnal. Wait, did I wake you up? That explains why you look so tired.”

“Do I really look that tired?”

“I mean, it’s normal for older people to look tired so maybe it’s not because of the sleep–”

“Older people?”

“Aren’t you a couple hundred years older than me? I’m pretty sure you qualify as a senior citizen.”

“You do realise how easily I could kill you, right?”

“You’re not going to do that. You love me.”

“Yes, I do, but dementia is a big problem among senior citizens…”

Jonny nearly drops his tea laughing.

***

“We should leave soon,” Loreli informs Carmilla as she gets back into bed.

“Don’t you need another part for the heart?”

“Yes, but that part’s in most stations. And your tests aren’t showing problems anymore, so we should install that part now and leave.”

“There are probably still things I haven’t tested yet,” Carmilla hedged.

“Then you can test those en route to the next station, and we can get the part there. We’ve stayed too long already.”

“There’s no whispers of vampires anywhere in New Texas. We can stay longer.”

“This is about your pet, isn’t it. You want to spend more time with him.” Loreli’s nails dig into Carmilla’s upper arm.

“Yes, but–”

“First we stay on a backwater planet for an extra couple of months so you can spend time with him. Then, next thing I know, you’ve turned him into a vampire, and left me. I–you can’t leave me.” She tugs on Carmilla towards her, and Carmilla feels something pop out of place in her shoulder.

“I won’t leave you. I promise.”

“Good. We leave in a month.” Loreli faces away from Carmilla, and her breathing evens out as she falls asleep.

Chapter Text

“So, do we have a deal?” Jack smirked down at Jonny. 

Jonny nodded. “Hand me the contract, and I’ll sign it.” 

Jonny checked over the contract one last time: “I, [Deadname] Vangelis, agree to kill the people Jack Unojo requests. These murders have to be fulfilled within forty-eight (48) New Texan Standard hours of the request, and no more than three (3) such requests can be made in one Spsunday to Spsaturday week. In exchange for these services, [Deadname] Vangelis will receive 1200 redbacks per murder, and after the year of service, all of the debt that William Vangelis owes Jack Unojo will be cancelled.” There was no fine print or hidden text. Jonny signed at the bottom, and handed it over to Jack, who did the same. 

“Would you like to know who your first victim is?” Jack asked.

“No need. I assume they’re a regular?” Jack nodded. “Then I’ll hang out in the corner tonight. Tell me when they leave, and I’ll take care of it.”

***

Satin was hard to sew under normal situations. In a loud, slightly cramped bar, when his hands were shaking, Jonny managed about ten stitches in the half-hour he spent sitting there. But, hey, at least it kept his mind off things. Even if people did give him weird looks for loudly swearing at a piece of fabric.

Someone bumped into him, and Jack whispered, “Blue shirt.” When Jonny looked up, he saw someone in a blue shirt walking out of One-Eyed Jack’s. 

Jonny took a second to breathe, then shoved the fabric into his pocket. Don’t look them in the eye. He walked out of the bar. Don’t look at their face. He saw Blue Shirt turning down an alleyway. Don’t know their name. He followed. Shoot them in the back. Blue Shirt was turned away from him. They’re just an NPC. Jonny pulled out the gun. Leave immediately after. He flipped off the safety. Carmilla will be there. He aimed it at Blue Shirt’s back. 

Pull the trigger. Pull the trigger. Pull the trigger. Pull the–

Blue Shirt started to turn around, and Jonny–

Jonny pulled the trigger. 

The bullet went straight through the centre of their back, and they collapsed. 

Jonny…didn’t know what to do. He had just killed someone. 

But it was probably better to have that crisis in Carmilla’s ship than some random alleyway. 

He heard a cough from Blue Shirt. So they weren’t dead. Should he finish the job? Should he get Carmilla to kill this person for him?

“Jonny?” 

Jonny looked down, and saw Billy Vangelis.

“Dad?” Jonny asked, voice breaking. He kneeled down next to Billy. Should he try to put pressure on the wound? Or, no–he shouldn’t move him. Or should he put him on his side? “I’m sorry, Dad, I–”

“I know.” Billy grabbed his hand weakly. “I forgive you, my son.”

“I love you Dad,” Jonny said, crying, but–

But Billy had already stopped breathing. 

…Nastya?

Yeah?

Can I have a hug?

Yeah.

Chapter Text

Do you know where my harmonica is?

…Why do you need it?

For the 35 second post-patricide harmonica solo, obviously Nastya.

I will shoot the harmonica out of your mouth.

Just imagine, me telling the story of what happened to Jack with the lingering sounds of mournful harmonica…

I refuse to imagine that.

Fine. If you’re going to be boring about it.

Carmilla wasn’t surprised to find an emotionally distraught New Texan boy on her doorstep that night. She had known that he was going to start working for Jack, and she knew how much your first kill takes out of you. 

She was surprised that the first words out of his mouth were: “My father is dead and it’s my fault.”

She blinked. “So you decided not to work for Jack?”

“No, I am working for Jack. And…I killed him. I killed my father.”

Carmilla sighed. “Oh, Jonny.” She held out her arms, and he collapsed into them. She rubbed his back as he repeated, “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered into his ear. “I believe you. You’re okay, you’ll be okay.”

When Jonny stopped crying, he looked up at Carmilla. “Jack did this.”

Carmilla nodded. “That’s what I figured.”

“I want him dead.”

Carmilla paused. “Are you sure?”

Jonny nodded. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“Do you…want me to kill him for you?”

Jonny shook his head. “I want to kill him myself.”

***

Carmilla watched from the shadows of the bar as Jonny sauntered in. “I’ve come to see One-Eyed Jack,” he declared.

The bar quieted. A man walked out from behind the bar. “Here I am.”

“My father’s dead.”

“A terrible shame. He’s always been a valued customer. I cried when I heard the news. But life goes on. Say, how would you like me to adopt you?”

Jonny tilted his head and pretended to consider the offer. “No.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve got a new friend, and I think she’s going to adopt me. So, no.”

“I hope this won’t interfere in our business deals.”

“I think it probably will. After all,” Jonny pulled out his gun and pointed it straight at Jack’s head. “It’s rather hard to have business deals when one of the participants is dead.”

Jack barely flinched. “You’re not going to do that.”

“Oh, I am.” Jonny walked forward until his gun was pressed against Jack’s forehead. His hand was steady. “‘Cause you want to know something Jack?” He flipped the safety off. “I’m the devil.”

He pulled the trigger, and Jack’s head exploded. Jonny was covered in blood. He looked down at his clothes and sighed. “It’s so hard to get blood out of wool.”

Chapter Text

“How are you feeling?” Carmilla asked Jonny a couple of days after he killed the two adults who had cared about him and had raised him.

And what are you supposed to say to a question like that? “Thanks for asking, I’m feeling great, I just need to kill one more father figure to complete the hat trick!”

“Jonny,” Carmilla sighed, and Jonny realised that he’d said that out loud. 

“I…don’t really know how to feel?” Jonny admitted. “It doesn’t feel real. Killing Billy felt wrong and killing Jack felt right, but that felt more like a logical, moral judgement than actually processing anything.”

Carmilla nodded, satisfied, so Jonny changed the subject. “What’s up with you? When are you leaving?”

“Do you want to get rid of me that quickly?” Carmilla teased. 

“Yes, you’re terrible and awful and not at all the only thing keeping me standing right now.” He blushed, and rushed past that uncomfortable overshare. “So when?” 

“In a month.”

“A month? 30 days?”

“Well, 27 by now, but yes.”

“Why?”

Carmilla shrugged, then winced. “Loreli thinks it’s too dangerous to stay this long.”

“The fuck it is,” Jonny countered. “No one’s at all suspicious, and if they are, they’ll blame it on your little pet murderer. Is there a real reason?”

Carmilla hesitates, but admits, “Loreli thinks I’m getting too attached to you.”

“Like, she thinks that you’ll get upset when I die? ‘Cause I promise not to die in the next ten years if it makes you feel better.”

Carmilla laughed, which Jonny thought was unfair. He thought that was a perfectly good solution. “No, that’s not it. I think she’s jealous of you, or worried that I’ll run off with you and leave her behind.”

Jonny scoffed. “Why would you do that?”

Carmilla met his gaze. “Because I want to.”

She took a deep breath before continuing. “My relationship with Loreli isn’t healthy. But there’s never been anything I could do about it. Every time I try to talk to her, she just asks me if I wanted to leave. I still want to be with her, I love her, but I don’t think it can’t stay like this.”

“Oh.” What did he say? What could he say? What should he say? “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked hesitantly. 

“Not really. I think I just need you to be my moral support.”

“Well, as the official mascot of Team Mom Carmilla, you’re awesome and can leave Loreli if you want to.”

“Carmilla?” a voice asked from the doorway. They looked over and saw Loreli. “You’re leaving me?”

Chapter Text

Carmilla’s first instinct was to rush over to Loreli, to reassure her that she wouldn’t leave, she would never leave. 

But this could be a good place to start. “Loreli, we need to talk.”

“Carmilla, what is it? Are you leaving me? For him?” Loreli started crying. 

Jonny started forward to protest, and Carmilla grabbed his arm. “Jonny, wait for me outside.”

He looked at her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I need to do this myself.”

He left, and Carmilla was alone with Loreli. The same way she had been ever since Terra. The silence stretched on, with Loreli still faintly crying, until Carmilla said, not quite sure where it came from, “You never listen to me.”

“Honey, I listen to you. We’re a team.”

“Name one decision I made. Apart from letting Jonny live, name one argument we've had that I won." Carmilla didn't know where the words were coming from. She couldn't stop them now.

Loreli ran her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. We don’t argue much.”

“We do. You always win. It never changes.”

“Okay, what do you want? We want the same things, it doesn’t matter who wins.”

“I want to stay in New Texas longer.”

Loreli sighed. “This again? Darling, we need to leave soon. There’s really no reason to stay.”

“There’s no reason for you to stay, maybe. Can’t we stay for longer? Or take him with us?”

“We need to leave, and this spaceship’s barely big enough for two. There’s no way we’ll be able to fit a third and enough food for him.”

“Then we can get a bigger spaceship!”

“There aren’t any medium-sized spaceships on New Texas right now.”

“Then we can wait until some show up.”

“That will take months, and we need to leave now!”

“I’m not leaving Jonny!”

Loreli paused. “Are you going to leave me?” she asked quietly.

Carmilla sighed. “I don’t want to lose any relationship that’s important to me. But right now, I really don’t have that choice.”

“I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Carmilla.” Loreli took a step towards her. 

Carmilla stepped back. “I love you too. Can we…take a break? I need some time to think.”

“Okay,” Loreli responded. “I’ll be here for as long as it takes.”

Carmilla nodded, and walked out of the room. She found Jonny examining a metal object about the size of his fist, which he quickly shoved into his pocket. “You done?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she responded. “Can you grab my wheelchair and its plug? It’s over there.” She motioned towards the corner of the room.

Jonny picked her wheelchair up. “Is this it? Doesn’t look much like a wheelchair.”

“It’s folded up for storage. The blue button–no, not that blue button, the other blue button, that’s it–unfolds it, but don’t do that now. It’s easier to carry that way, and it’s a pain to fold up.”

“Why didn’t you make, like, a green button that folds it up?” Jonny asked as they walked down the ramp together.

“Well, first of all, the button would clearly be red, not green. Second, unfolding it with the press of a button can be done easily with some latches and springs, and making it fold up would require like eight really strong and fast servos, which sounds like a pain to install.”

“Wouldn’t it save time in the future?”

“Theoretically, yes, but I’m almost at the limit for number of servos, so I’d need to add another control hub, and then figure out where to put it, and the wire management alone, honestly! Eventually I’m going to get fed up with manually folding it and fix it, so I’ll save that until then.”

Jonny nodded. “Speaking of putting off things until you need to deal with them, how did your conversation with Loreli go?”

Carmilla sighed. “I hope we’ll be okay? I think this might motivate her to work with me. I don’t know. At the very least, I’ll be staying with you for a while longer.”

“Wait. Carmilla, please tell me that you didn’t just sacrifice the most important relationship of your life for me.” Jonny looked genuinely worried at the thought.

“It wasn’t just for you. And even if it was, I shouldn’t be in a relationship where I have to choose between that and other important relationships.”

Jonny blushed, looking down. After a moment, he muttered, “I love you, Mom.”

Carmilla smiled. “Love you too, Jonny.”

Chapter Text

“Hey Jonny, I’m heading to the store,” Carmilla called. “Is there anything you need?”

“A father who cared more about my happiness than what I could do for him,” Jonny responded, only half paying attention while he finished ironing a seam.

“I don’t think they have that at this store. I can get you some unconditional love from a chosen parent, would that work?”

Jonny paused his work to grin at her. “I guess I’ll have to make do. And I think we’re low on milk for the blood-chocolate abomination you call “coffee”, and the sourdough starter that we like.”

“That you like. I haven’t eaten bread in a hundred years. For all I know it could be terrible. Anything else?”

“No. Why are you going to the store anyway? Are we that low on something? I could just eat takeout.”

“Jonny. I’m a doctor. I’m not going to tell you that you can eat only takeout. It’s absolute shit for your cardiovascular system.”

Jonny sighed. “Yes, Mom.”

“I should be back in about an hour. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

“Don’t worry, I will!” 

He waited until she was gone before he took out the object he stole from her and Loreli’s ship. He wasn’t hiding it from Carmilla, he was just…

Okay, maybe he was hiding it from her.

It wasn’t intentional, there just wasn’t a good time to bring it up. At first, it was too soon and any mention of Loreli might hurt her, then after she seemed more stable, it was too late to tell her without her wondering why he hadn’t brought it to her before. Maybe he could slip it into a pocket in her wheelchair, or pretend that he had just found it while out on a walk? He could claim that he’d taken the promise of doing something stupid literally, and broken into Loreli’s room. 

He looked down at the object in his hands. Maybe it wasn’t worth the effort. Maybe it was a broken prototype for a project that she forgot about fifty years ago. 

But it certainly seemed important. It looked like those diagrams of the human heart, back in 9th grade bio. He could feel it pulsing in his hands, about one beat every second. It was an even bronze or gold, with a faint rainbow-y sheen, like an oil slick. It didn’t seem to have a place to plug it in, but as far as Jonny could tell, it had been beating sixty times a minute since he stole it about a month ago. That was…sixty times sixty times…maybe another sixty? That was a lot of beats seemingly without being charged. Jonny didn’t even know how metal could bend like that. How much power was that taking? Did it have a little miracle-of-engineering battery inside of it? It was slightly colder than the air around it, but Jonny couldn’t tell if that was the way metal normally felt or if it was using heat to power it. Would that even work? 

…I know you want to say something about power sources, but I’m trying to add an air of intrigue and mystery. We don’t need to know the exact way the Heart works.

Yes, we do, but you can continue.

Thank you so very much, Your Royal–ow!

Jonny shoved the heart back into his pocket when he heard the knock on the door. Had Carmilla forgotten something? But she wouldn’t knock, would she? “Come in, it’s unlocked,” he called, standing up and walking to the doorway–

–only to freeze when the door opened to reveal Loreli standing on the other side. 

After a moment, he said, “Carmilla’s not here right now,” trying to sound casual.

“I know,” Loreli responded. “I’m not here for her. I’m here for you.”

She advanced into the room, and Jonny scrambled back to maintain a solid six feet of distance. “We’ve known each other for centuries. We were happy for so long, just the two of us. And then you came along. We were so happy together, but you had to come and interrupt that. 

“You’re just a distraction, really. You’re gonna live another fifty, sixty years maybe, and then she’s going to come back to me.” Loreli walked forward until Jonny was trapped against a wall. “And it would be doing both of us a favour if I removed this distraction now.”

Jonny felt a sudden sharp pain on his neck, and then he felt nothing more. 

Chapter Text

“Jonny, I’m back,” Carmilla called as she dropped the groceries on the floor. The trip hadn’t gone well. She’d gone to one of the stores that she remembered Loreli had gone to, but the owner didn’t remember what Loreli had bought, or if she had bought anything there at all. 

If she could figure out what Loreli had made the Heart out of, maybe she could reverse-engineer it. Loreli had never explained it, saying that it was to boring to bother with. 

It was an interesting idea, even if it was boring and Loreli hadn’t been lying. If Carmilla could make it work, then she’d be able to feed without killing anyone. As a vampire, her only choice was kill or die. Synthetic blood didn’t work, and neither did donated blood nor animal blood. The only thing she could eat was the fresh blood of a humanoid. But Loreli had seemed sure that the Heart would work.

And if it did, that meant she could live without hurting people for the first time since those scientists dug her out of the ground. 

But the store had been a long shot. Even if the owner remembered what Loreli had bought, it probably would have been a small linear actuator, or something like that. She knew as well as anyone how little each individual part told you about the design, or even all the parts together. It was less of a puzzle piece and more of a word in a paragraph: even if it was a meaningful word, like “heart” or “vampire”, you wouldn’t be able to tell much about what it was talking about.

At least she’d gotten the sourdough starter, even if she’d gotten nothing else. Jonny was much easier to deal with when he could aggressively knead dough every once in a while. 

Speaking of Jonny, he would normally come up to her to annoy her the second she came home, and Carmilla had been standing there in silence for a couple of minutes. “Jonny?” Was he out doing something? He would have told her, but maybe she’d been tuning him out when he had? “Are you home?”

Maybe he was sleeping? She walked over to his room, and almost tripped over something. Carmilla looked down to glare at it and saw…

No. No. He couldn’t–

Carmilla was a doctor. Currently, there was a body on the floor. The first thing a doctor does is to check for signs of life. Carmilla went to check his pulse, but his throat–

Would lead to possibly inaccurate information. Carmilla had a hand mirror in her bag. Carmilla pulled the mirror out, and held it to his mouth. It fogged up faintly. Jonny The patient was still breathing.

Carmilla checked his wrist. His heartbeat was fast and faint. Likely lack of blood, given the puncture wounds on his neck. 

The wounds were small and neat, barely bleeding. Just like Loreli The main problem was hypovolemic shock. The patient needed an IV, maybe a blood transfusion, but the nearest hospital was thirty minutes away, and Jonny–

Jonny didn’t have thirty minutes.

Carmilla needed to do something. She could try donating blood, but she doubted Jonny had a V blood type. She could get one of the neighbours to donate blood, but she didn’t have the equipment to test their blood, so she’d be as likely to poison him from the inside out as save him. 

And then she noticed Jonny’s pocket. She took out what was pulsing inside of it, and found herself holding the Heart.

The Heart, which she and Loreli had made. The Heart, which was designed to make blood and pump blood. 

Carmilla picked up Jonny and put him on the kitchen table. She took off his belt, his vest, and his shirt. She tied him down so his flailing wouldn’t interrupt the surgery. She considered grabbing the anaesthetics, but that was too risky, too likely to have unexpected complications. Same with the painkillers, and his heart was going through enough already. She washed the heart carefully and stuck it into a UV box to decontaminate it.

Then she picked up her scalpel and got to work.

Chapter Text

The first thing that Jonny noticed when he woke up was the soft, even ticking of a metronome. 

The second thing he noticed was pain.

Jonny tried to move, tried to get away from it. But it remained; a sharp, pulsing pain in his chest that felt like someone had tried to stab him in the heart.

A voice: “Are you awake? Can you swallow something for me?”

He did his best to nod. Hands put a small object into his mouth, and then poured some water in. He swallowed.

“That should help in a couple of minutes,” the speaker informed him. 

A couple of minutes. He whimpered and tried to focus on the metronome instead of the pain. After about 1465 beats of that (which definitely wasn’t a couple of minutes), he could think and open his eyes. He looked to be on his bed, and Carmilla was standing over him, looking worried. 

“What happened?” he asked.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Loreli came over to threaten me and…I should have died.”

“No,” Carmilla said firmly. “Loreli almost killed you, but you’re not going to die.”

“Did you save me?”

Carmilla nodded. “When I came home, I found you, and…”

“And?” Jonny asked after 5 beats of that metronome. 

“And I replaced your heart with the mechanical heart that was in your pocket.”

“What? Why? Why would you do that? What made you think that was a good idea?” Jonny tried to sit up, then immediately regretted it. 

“You were low on blood. The Heart was built to make blood.”

“Yeah, but I saw it, it wasn’t making blood all the time. Did you think it would just, I don’t know, sense that I needed blood?”

“I don’t know!” Carmilla took a deep breath to calm herself, then continued. “I didn’t know if it would work. But it was your best chance, and I couldn’t just do nothing. And…it worked.”

Jonny nodded, listening to the steady metronome. He wondered why Carmilla would have a metronome, then realised that it probably wasn’t a metronome. It sounded more mechanical and metallic, like a clock.

Or like a heart.

“So, what are you going to do?” Jonny asked.

“About what?” Carmilla looked up from examining the incision over Jonny’s heart. It was scabbed over, but the scabs were partially falling off already, which was probably good?

“About Loreli.”

Carmilla sighed. “I know her. She’s not going to give up because she failed to kill you.”

“So we leave then. We take a spaceship and get the hell away from New Texas. We can go to New Mongolia, or New Lithuania, or New Russia, or really anywhere, I don’t care.”

“Okay, first of all, only Texans call it New Russia, it’s named Cyberia. Second of all, that wouldn’t work. I have never met anyone as competent or determined as Loreli. She’ll chase us down for as long as we all live.”

“So…”

“I can’t let her kill you. I can’t. I love her, but I can't let her kill you." Carmilla looked up. "I can't let her kill you. I need to kill her."

Chapter Text

Carmilla took a deep breath in, held it for four seconds, then let it out. She rubbed her thumb against her cane over and over again. She considered going back to talk to Jonny, but no. She had to do this alone.

Carmilla knocked on the door to her their Loreli’s spaceship. She heard a distant “One minute”, and so she waited, trying to convince herself not to leave and do this later. Spending more time thinking about it wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Loreli finally opened the door, and saw Carmilla. She lit up. “Carmilla! I’m so glad to see you!”

“I…” Carmilla didn’t know what to say. 

Loreli had smiled like this at her on their first date, almost two centuries ago by now. She’d joked about racing to the door, and Loreli had reminded her that a true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager, and they’d both laughed.

Was she really going to do this? Maybe she shouldn’t. Maybe she could talk to Loreli, make her promise to not hurt Jonny. Carmilla could be hers, and even if that hurt sometimes, maybe it would be better?

But Carmilla knew Loreli too well. She’d agree, and have Jonny killed discretely. 

And Carmilla would be alone again, except for Loreli. 

She had to choose Jonny or Loreli. 

Carmilla would never tell Jonny, but she almost chose Loreli in that moment. 

So then how do you know?

We…had an argument. Not long before we met you. Remember when I killed 5 people to win your girlfriend? She was upset with me about that.

Because the reason she chose m–Jonny over Loreli, the reason why when presented with the choice between spending countless millennia with the woman she’d known for centuries or the mortal lifespan of a boy she’d just met, she chose him. 

It wasn’t who she loved the most or who treated her the best. It wasn’t even because I was innocent and Loreli tried to murder a kid.

It was because Loreli killed people. 

And Jonny didn’t. 

I mean, yes, he did kill people, we already covered that. But just because he had killed, didn’t make him a killer. He had a complete mental breakdown after killing his father and wasn’t much better after Jack. And Loreli, due to the same necessity that Carmilla shared, was a killer. 

And so she chose Jonny.

“Are you okay?” Loreli asked, stepping closer to her. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I have. Because you tried to kill my son.”

“Is he still alive?”

“So you’re admitting that you did it.”

“Carmilla, I just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. You remember that. We were good together, we were happy together. I missed you, Carmilla.”

“Me too,” Carmilla agreed. “And then you tried to kill Jonny.”

“Carmilla…”

“I love you, Loreli.” Carmilla was crying. She didn’t know how long she had been crying for. 

She stepped on the bottom of her cane, and pulled the wood out of its rubber base. She had spent the day sharpening it, and now…

Now it was sharp enough to stab her wife in the heart.

Carmilla didn’t think that Loreli believed she’d go through with it. Not until the cane slid between her fourth and fifth ribs. Loreli froze, completely paralysed. 

Carmilla didn’t know if Loreli could hear anything, but she still whispered “I’m sorry”, as she took out the knife. 

Jonny found her kneeling by the grave half an hour before dawn. Neither of them said anything. 

Jonny held out his hand, and Carmilla took it. And they walked away together from the unmarked grave of a woman who died too soon and persisted too long.

Chapter Text

It had been 45 hours since Jonny was almost killed. 

44 since he’d gotten a new heart. 

42 since Carmilla had killed her wife.

And Jonny was bored out of his mind.

Jonny had offered to try to help Carmilla, to talk to her, to distract her, but she’d said that she just wanted to be alone. Which, okay, yeah, she had just killed someone she loved. Jonny knew from experience how messy that was (and not just in a gore way). 

But that meant that Jonny was sitting around the house trying to be quiet. And there are only so many things he can do quietly before the pressure builds up and he starts wanting to scream. So Jonny was trying to get rid of his feelings in a productive way that might end with him getting delicious bread. 

Except Jonny remembered that, no, they didn’t have any sourdough starter. Carmilla had been out buying it when Jonny had been, you know, getting murdered. And once she’d gotten back home, Jonny assumed that she had higher priorities than putting away the groceries. 

So Jonny sighed, giving up on being quiet, and knocked on the door to the guest room, “Hey, Mom, did you end up buying the sourdough starter?”

“Yeah,” Carmilla responded, sounding a bit hoarse. She opened the door, and she looked…not terrible. Jonny guessed that was a good sign. “It was in my pocket, here. “Why do you want it?”

“I’m making sourdough,” Jonny told her.

“You shouldn’t be doing that, that’s strenuous activity and you had open-heart surgery two days ago. Actually, you probably shouldn’t be standing up either.” Carmilla started gently pushing Jonny over to the couch.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Jonny protested.

“That’s because of the pain meds you’re taking. You had heart surgery two days ago, you need to recover.”

Jonny paused. “Wait, was I supposed to be taking pain meds?”

“Have you not been taking your pain medication like I told you to?”

“I thought I was only supposed to take it when it started hurting, and it didn’t, so…”

“That’s weird. Take off your shirt, I need to see how the wound is healing.” Carmilla unwrapped the bandages. “Okay. I need to remove the stitches now. This is fine.”

“Wait, didn’t you say that you’d remove them after a week, not two days?” Jonny asked as Carmilla carefully cut the little bits of thread.

“Yeah, well, your body decided to heal faster than anything I’ve ever seen, so the stitches have been in too long already. It’s going to make a really bad scar, you might want to wear a shirt to the beach from now on.”

“Aren’t scars sexy?” Jonny asked, trying to ignore the tugging feeling of Carmilla pulling little bits of thread out of his body.

“This one won’t be, trust me.”

Jonny pouted as Carmilla pulled the remaining stitches out. Then he realised, “Wait, do I have magic healing now?”

“I mean, maybe? I haven’t done heart transplant surgery before, so maybe it just heals up much faster than most chest wounds, or New Texans heal quicker than human average? We’d have to do more research.”

Jonny grabbed a knife from the cabinet and ran it along his palm, then swore. “Ow, fuck, that hurts.”

“Jonny, when I said we should do more research, I didn’t mean that you should immediately cut the most sensitive part of your body! Give me your hand.”

“That’s what they always do in movies!” Jonny complained as Carmilla dragged him to the sink by his hand.

“Yeah, and in movies they have robot brains and wings, so clearly you have that too! I really hope that knife hasn’t been used to cut up meat recently, but even breadcru…” Carmilla trailed off, looking at Jonny’s hand. 

Because she had washed off the blood, and they could both see that his hand was fully healed, with not even a scar.

“...So I was right?” Jonny asked.

“I’ll check Lore–I’ll check the notes.”

***

“So.” Carmilla dropped a stack of notes on the table next to the fresh loaf of sourdough. “I looked through the notes, and it looks like the Heart doesn’t make blood. Not exactly. It doesn’t do anything without a host. When I put it in you, it didn’t make blood, it told your body to make blood and gave it enough energy to do that. That was Loreli’s plan, to kidnap someone, and to make them the host, and then we could feed on them without worrying about killing them. Because, from what I can tell, the Heart can heal any injury, including mortal ones. If you were stabbed in the heart, it would heal itself and you. If you were shot in the brain, it would heal you. If your heat was chopped off, it would regrow a head, and might even keep the old one working for a couple of days.”

“So, what does that mean? Does that mean that I’m immortal? Or am I going to die in 60 years of old age?”

“As far as I can tell, the Heart doesn’t see any difference in between organ failure due to old age and organ failure due to stabbing. I doubt you’ll even age that much, maybe a year of age every millenia or so. Lo–it was never tested, so all we have are theories. But…maybe?”

***

“Are you sure you want to leave?” Carmilla asked Jonny.

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to leave New Texas for basically my entire life. I’m sure there are places out there that are better than here. Maybe some of them are colder, or snow occasionally.”

“Okay, as soon as we can, we’re going to Moscow. If you think you can handle the snow.”

“I’m sure. A couple of inches of snow is nothing compared to Texas summer.”

Carmilla laughed. “In that case, we’re definitely going.”

Chapter Text

That’s when you’re supposed to clap, you know. That’s the deal: I tell an epic story about love and death, and the audience claps at the end.

Yeah, well I’m not going to. If you wanted someone to be impressed, you should have asked Ivy or the Toy Soldier.

Ivy doesn’t clap either. She just records the story and walks away. TS is the only one of you fuckers who appreciates me. 

.. / .- .--. .--. .-. . -.-. .. .- - . / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / .--- --- -. -. -.--I appreciate you, Jonny

…What did your girlfriend say?

That she agrees with me, and that you should learn Morse Code. 

.-.. .. .- .-. / ---... -.--.-Liar :)

I don’t know what I expected. 

Anyway, that’s not the end of the story. What happened after that?

You know the rest, you were there.

Not until Carmilla rescued me. That was about 600 years after you two left New Texas. What happened in between?

A lot and a little. We went the long way to Cyberia so that Carmilla could feed. Neither of us liked her feeding on me, but occasionally if a journey was a bit longer than expected, she would have to. 

She was really excited about her discovery of immortality. She managed to find the planet that supplied the material that Loreli used to build the Heart, but it flew off before she could get more than a couple dozen of pounds of it. Her first experiment went poorly–she ended up destroying all of a civilization apart from a single solar station with a couple thousand people. Her second experiment, a kind and ageing king with two many terrible heirs, managed to keep him alive, but it didn’t do much more than that. She had it figured out once we got to Labyrinth, but large-scale immortality was…messy in an unexpected way. So when we got to Cyberia, her plan was to find someone she thought deserved another chance, and save them. 

And she chose you. 

Yeah.

.- -. --. / -- . -.-.--And me!

And Aurora. Then, after you two, Ashes, then Ivy, then she found Brian and you found TS. 

I know you’re fighting with Carmilla now, but are you glad that she mechanised you?

…I don’t know. 

I don’t want to die right now, but eventually all storeys have to end, and I’m longer than Sphomestuck and not anywhere close to done. 

There will come a point when I’ve experienced everything life has to offer. And I know that point will come lifetimes before my end. And at some point, is it kinder to let someone die still believing in life or let them stagnate long past their end?

I don’t know.

Not to mention, if there is any afterlife, I would have probably gone to the good one. Now…I’ve changed a lot. I’m not a good person anymore, and Jonny Vangelis probably would think that I was the devil incarnate. 

I don’t think that you’re evil.

Yeah, very funny. 

I’m not joking. Yes you do terrible things. You’ve committed war crimes for fun. 

But you haven’t changed from who you were when you were younger. You still care. Don’t think that I haven’t noticed you bringing hell to the people who misgender Ashes, or make fun of Ivy for forgetting things, or order the Toy Soldier to do things that it doesn’t want to do.

You don’t care about individual mortals, you’ve been burned too often for that. But with us?

With us you’re still Jonny Vangelis. 

I…

You’re biassed, hermana.

That doesn’t make me any less right, брат.

That doesn’t make me a good person.

Let’s leave the discussions of objective morality to Brian and Ivy.

But I don’t care if you’re a good person.

I love you.

…I love you too.