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Chapter Text

“Bobby!” Eddie waved, making sure his mentor, and one time sponsor, spotted him by the coffee stand. It had been a few weeks since they had managed to catch up in person. Conflicting schedules and family obligations made finding a time to meet up tough, and a coffee in the park was about all either of them had time for.

“Good to see you, Eddie.” Bobby gave him a brief black slapping hug, mindful not to spill the two drinks Eddie was balancing. Eddie passed a cup to him, and they set off on their usual meandering walk.

“How’s the 144 treating you these days?” Bobby asked.

“Pretty good. The food’s not up to your standard at the 118, but the probie is finally pulling his weight. Monroe is back from her maternity leave soon, so the guys have a big welcome back party planned.”

“I heard she had a boy.”

“Nine pounds six ounces and no epidural. I think she deserves a party getting through that and returning to work.”

“You worried about it?”

Eddie had been clean and sober for four years, but Bobby knew all too well alcoholism was a lifelong struggle. He’d been the first person to approach Eddie when he attended his first AA meeting. If it wasn’t for Bobby spotting him hovering in the church doorway, still trying to tell himself that he had nothing in common with these people, he probably wouldn’t have even made it inside. 

His drinking had been his way to deal with his PTSD after his medical discharge from the army, and his rock bottom had been losing the latest of a string of deadend jobs, leading to him getting blackout drunk, waking up in an alleyway and walking two and half hours home to find that Shannon had changed the locks. She needn’t have bothered as he never did find his keys, wallet or phone. After wandering aimlessly through the city and sleeping rough a second night, he figured he had nothing to lose, and sitting through the condescending bullshit of an AA meeting might be worth it for a free cup of coffee and maybe a stale doughnut.

Bobby greeted him by handing him a cup of coffee like he’d been expecting him, not so much as raising an eyebrow at the state he was in. He didn’t even ask his name, just told him they’d have to hurry before the good snacks were gone, and led him over to the table where there was a decent spread of cookies and muffins. It wasn’t until several weeks later that he discovered that Bobby often baked for the group.

Eddie just listened at that first meeting, recognising far too much of himself in the stories people shared, and Bobby stuck around to chat with him after the meeting. Something about his easy, midwestern charm started to win Eddie over.

He went back for a second meeting, then a third, and by the time he was presented with his one year chip, Eddie was graduating from Fire Academy, in therapy, and well on the way to patching things up with Shannon. None of it would have been possible without Bobby’s support, and for that reason Eddie always paid for the coffee. It was a little nod to that first cup Bobby handed him that night.

“No, I can handle an hour or two in a bar drinking club soda,” Eddie said. “I’ll show my face for a bit, but head off before it gets too crazy. The temptation will be there because the booze is, but I was always a secret drinker rather than a barfly anyway.”

“As long as you are aware of your triggers.”

“Speaking of triggers, Shannon has asked for a divorce.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Eddie.”

He shrugged. “It’s been on the cards for a while now. If she didn’t call it, I would have.”

“Still, the end of a marriage is not an easy thing. How’s Christopher taking it?”

“I think we’ve been doing a lousy job of hiding our fights. Right now he’s quite pleased with the idea of having two bedrooms, one at home and one in my new place, when I get it. I’m not sure that it’s really sunk in yet. He’s kinda used to me sleeping on the couch.”

“Kids are more resilient than you think.”

“I hope so. I’m hoping we can get to the point where we can be friends as well as co parents. I think once we stop trying to force something that isn’t working for either of us, it will be a lot easier. Turns out a dom/switch relationship is a lot harder to navigate when the dom isn’t on another continent or a useless drunk. I’ve got a hunch she’s planning on starting something with this guy she knows from work. Pretty sure he’s a switch, so there’s a better chance of the dynamics working out. Personally, I think he looks like that rat from the Iceage movie, but he seems harmless.”

“Are you going to find yourself a sub?”

“I guess. I’m just not looking to jump into anything serious right away though.”

Bobby nodded, looking thoughtful.

“What?”

“I was planning on suggesting something, but… I don’t know if the timing would be right for you. You’ve got a lot of stressful changes going on at the moment. But on the other hand…”

“Has a spot opened up at the 118?” 

Working at the 118 with Bobby had always been the dream, and he’d covered shifts there a couple of times. Despite what he’d said to Bobby, the drinking culture at 144 did wear on him a bit. He always used Shannon as an excuse to head home early from every celebration that ended up in one bar or another, and once they got wind of the divorce the pressure to socialise would only get worse. He liked spending time with his team, but outside of work it always seemed to include alcohol. The family vibe at the 118, and the support of a captain who was also in recovery would make his life a whole lot easier.

“Potentially. Would you consider it?”

“Are you kidding? When do I start?”

Bobby laughed. “You might want to hear what else I have to say.”

“Bobby, there is literally no down side. I’m in.”

They reached their usual bench, and sat down, sipping their coffee as they watched a kid playing fetch with his dog.

“Remember my probie?”

“The kid who stole a ladder truck just to hook up? Never met him, but you’ve mentioned him often enough.”

“Twice. He did it twice, and he’s on very thin ice. His paperwork says he’s a switch, but I’m not so sure. He needs a firm hand, Someone to ground him.”

“Let me guess. You already spoke to Athena about taking him on yourself, and she put her foot down.”

“Pretty much. It breaks our no bringing work home with me rule, and we both have to agree when we take on a new sub.”

”I’ve got to hand it to you, making a marriage work with two doms? I couldn't even make it work with a switch!”

“It takes some compromise, but she’s worth it. Even if that means none of my ‘waifs and strays’ in the bedroom.”

“You really think he might be a sub?”

“I think it’s a possibility he doesn’t even know what he is, and I’m obliged to take him at his word unless something proves otherwise. I figured with your experience, you’d be in a good position to help him figure it out. Besides, I think someone closer to his own age would be preferable. The kid’s definitely got daddy issues either way, and I can’t be his boss, a father figure and his dom.”

Eddie thought about it. Although his only romantic relationship had been with Shannon, Bobby knew he’d dommed for guys in his unit on deployment plenty of times. It didn’t need to get sexual for both parties to get their needs met, but this guy’s sex drive was obviously an issue. As much as it sounded like a whole lot of work he really didn’t need right now, there was never even any doubt what his answer was going to be. He owed Bobby everything, and he’d never asked him for anything in return. This probie wasn’t the only one who saw Bobby as a father figure.

“Look, I’m obviously not expecting you two to get involved. Just work with him, give me a second opinion. He’s got so much potential, but he needs help to keep him on the right track. Athena’s right, if I got too involved things would get messy. I wasn’t sure what your arrangement with Shannon was about taking on a sub, but if you two are getting divorced…”

Eddie laughed. “Arrangement? She didn’t care who I scened with as long as I didn’t bring them home. Like I said, things have been rocky for a long time. But if you’re hoping to play matchmaker here, don’t get your hopes up.”

“The offer isn’t dependent on you taking Buck on as a sub. He may still turn out to be a switch struggling with his submissive side, but either way I think you’ll be a good influence, and he’s going to benefit from working alongside you.”

“You know I’m going to say yes.”

Bobby smiled and clapped him on the back. “I know, but I wanted you to be aware of what you’re walking into.

“Working at the firehouse I’ve been wanting to get transferred to since the academy? Yeah, it’s gonna take a lot more than an oversexed probie with daddy issues to put me off. I’m in.”

Eddie’s first impression of Buck was that he was exactly the kind of guy who might have issues squaring away submissive tendencies with his own self image. He immediately saw Eddie as a rival for the firefighter calendar, and watching him primp and pose for his selfies was actually kind of cute. He was an attractive guy, and Eddie could see how easy it would be for him to indulge in the kind of casual hookups that had been causing so much trouble, but he doubted that Buck had ever had experienced the stabilising effects of a long term relationship where dynamics really came into play. He probably equated being the one to initiate sex with dominance rather than having any experience of an intense scene.

At first it seemed like Buck had problems with impulse control, and ADHD was definitely an option, but the more Eddie observed him, the more it became apparent that there was something else going on. Snatching ingredients to munch on or sneaking a taste of meal before it was served? That was nothing about being hungry. It was all about the smack on the back of his hand it provoked. The number of times he had to be physically stopped from rushing in to do something rash on a call was also suspicious. Some of his rashness was down to his eagerness to please, and that constant need for validation itself was worth noting, but Buck was particularly skilled at getting people to put their hands on him. Eddie just couldn’t be sure if Buck himself was aware of these subtle manipulations, but he was definitely acting like even negative attention was better than none.

He could also be downright annoying at times, which was also a plea for attention. All his attempts to give Eddie a nickname fortunately came to nothing, but Eddie recognised it as a failed attempt to exert some kind of control over a change in his environment. He could see what Bobby meant about him needing a steadying hand. Eddie tested the water a bit by offering him some photography tips for the calendar, but it didn’t go down well.

Buck clearly saw him as a rival for people’s attention, especially when he found out Bobby and Eddie were old friends. Eddie got constant pushback for every little thing, right up to the call when Buck helped him pull live ordinance from a patient’s leg. Buck’s eyes lit up when Eddie said he could have his back any day, and he could see the effect positive reinforcement had on him.

Eddie’s gut feeling was that Bobby’s suspicions were right, Buck was a sub whose clumsy attempts to self regulate were getting in the way of him living up to his potential. He was a far better firefighter than his constant grabs for attention would suggest, but until he started addressing his psychological needs, his behaviour was always going to pose a problem.

Buck had only just managed to hang on to his job by the skin of his teeth, when in walked Eddie fucking Diaz. For a split second, he thought, great, now I won’t be the new guy. He’d still be the lowly probie, but Buck was on his home turf, and that had to give him some kind of advantage over someone starting from scratch, right?

Nope.

Hen and Chimney greeted him like old friends, asking after his wife and kid, and Bobby actually hugged him and told him he was cooking his favourite meal tonight to celebrate. No pranks, no awkwardly getting to know everyone, just waltzing in to a hero’s welcome. And then there was the fact that as an ex army medic, he kind of was a hero, not to mention a photogenic motherfucker who was probably going to get picked to be the posterboy for the station for the calendar.

Seething at his very presence at the 118, Buck waited to see some kind of fault in him, but he always had the skills to back up his confidence, did his fair share of work, and even the picture he showed him of his kid was fucking adorable. He couldn’t even enjoy the petty satisfaction that Eddie’s marriage was ending in divorce, because that meant he was on the dating scene again, and therefore competition there too.

Eddie’s obvious dom energy bothered him too. As a switch, Buck had insecurities about not being dominant enough with his partners who wanted that from him, but equally having seen what happened to his sister in her relationship with Doug, he wasn’t eager to sub either. He was happy in the nebulous middle ground provided by one and done hookups. Nobody expected anything too intense from a quickie with a stranger. But Eddie? He could probably drop a sub to their knees with just one look, and Buck couldn’t decide if he was jealous, or curious about having a look like that directed his way.

All that was bad enough, but then he actually started to like the guy. He had an embarrassing moment completely fangirling over the way he jumped right in to pull a live grenade out of a guy’s leg in the back of an ambulance, with only his dumb ass to back him up. So, yeah, now they were friends, and maybe Maddie was right, and he might have the tiniest crush on the guy, but who wouldn’t?

When he did finally find a flaw, he couldn’t even be happy about him not being so perfect after all. He overheard Bobby ask him if he wanted to go to a meeting with him as their schedules finally lined up, and Eddie agreed. A few things clicked into place in Buck’s mind, and he only had more admiration for Eddie having put in the hard work to kick an addiction. He knew alcoholism was a huge issue with ex-service men and women, and suddenly all his efforts to give him the nickname GI seemed childish and insensitive. He’d probably seen some horrifying shit that made being a first responder seem tame in comparison.

It bothered him, so much so that he tried to find little ways to make it up to him. They were just little things, making him a cup of coffee, letting him have the last slice of pizza, volunteering to clean the bathrooms when it was really Eddie’s turn on the rota. They didn’t go unnoticed, and every time Eddie gave him a quiet thankyou, it gave him a little rush. Of course Chim complained loudly about Eddie getting special treatment, but Hen shut him up by pointing out that he hadn’t made his own coffee in weeks, and if anyone should be making coffee, he should be doing it for her. Chim grumbled and went to fix her a cup, and Hen gave Eddie an amused look, provoking a funny little half smile in response, like they were sharing a joke that went right over Buck’s head. 

He shook it off, and decided that he’d have to be less obvious in the future, even if it meant he was on permanent coffee making duty.

He wanted Eddie to like him, but that was nothing unusual. Buck liked people, he was an outgoing, social person, and it was important to him that the people around him were happy. Eddie’s approval wasn’t more important than anyone else’s, but he reluctantly admitted that it hit a little different when he got it.

Eddie had heard people mutter ‘Buck is gonna Buck’ a few times before he really got to witness what they meant by that. The call was to a two story house, home to a family of five. They got the parents and the three kids out safely, but the fire had already taken over most of the building by the time the teenage daughter came around after passing out from smoke inhalation. It was only then that they learned that she’d snuck her boyfriend in for a candle lit rendez-vous, but they knocked a candle over, and she told him to hide in the attic in case the smoke alarm woke her parents up while she dealt with it. The fire spread more quickly than she could deal with, but the smoke alarm did alert her parents, who managed to get the rest of the family out. By the time Eddie and Buck had found the girl and got her out too, the whole house was involved.

Buck thought there was still a chance for the kid. They’d vented the roof, so maybe there was a slim chance of getting him that way if the smoke hadn’t already killed him, but the structure was far too unstable to even try. Chances were the boy was already dead, but Buck tried to argue his case anyway. Bobby shut him down, and distracted by the arrival of a second engine arriving on the scene, he didn’t see Buck head for the ladder, but Eddie did.

If he’d been just a few seconds slower, Buck would have been up that ladder, but he managed to tackle him before he even got a hand on it. Buck fought him, trying to shove him aside, but Eddie stood his ground. Buck ripped off his helmet and slipped his breathing apparatus out of the way to plead with Eddie directly.

“He could still be alive up there! We could-”

Eddie kept himself between Buck and the ladder and took his gear off too. “Buck, he’s gone. The girl barely survived the smoke, and he’s been in there a lot longer.”

“But we can’t know that! Not until-”

“The attic is as good as gone. There is nothing we can do for him now. If we’d known he was there right away, we still might not have gotten to him in time.”

Cold logic was just not getting through to Buck, and his eyes just kept darting back to the ladder. Thinking of all the times he’d seen Buck engineer situations where people had to grab him for one reason or another, Eddie took a risk. He grabbed the back of Buck’s neck, forcing his face into his shoulder.

“Buck, you’ve done your job. You did good. You did really good getting that girl out. You’ve done everything we asked you to do, but now it’s time to stand down. You’re done.”

Buck slumped like a puppet whose strings had been cut, and Eddie held him until he felt Buck’s arms wrap around him in a loose hug. Not a minute later, the roof of the building collapsed, taking most of the first floor with it.

Bobby spotted them, and jogged over.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I got him,” Eddie said.

The look in Bobby’s eyes told Eddie that he knew exactly what went down. He gave Eddie a nod, and left them to it.

Buck’s mind was in a fog for the rest of the shift, but they didn’t get another call for the rest of the night. It was like his brain had gone into standby mode, and he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep, so he headed up to the roof with a hot chocolate, and sat there staring at the lights of the city. 

He thought about that kid, dying alone, hiding in the attic. Had he been so scared of getting in trouble that he hadn’t even considered the risk of getting trapped by the fire? Buck had done enough sneaking around of his own as a teenager that he could relate to that mindset that if your parents didn’t catch you, the risks you took didn’t count. Teenagers always thought they could get away with it, and it was mostly dumb luck that the worst Buck had suffered growing up was a few scrapes and the odd broken bone. He lived long enough to hear his parents yell at him for the dumb shit he did.

He knew Eddie was right, the kid never stood a chance, but sometimes he just needed someone to tell him it was okay to stop trying. He knew it was stupid and self destructive, but there were times when everything just built up and built up, and he just couldn’t let go of it all. Sex helped him shut it all down, but that approach nearly cost him his job.

He heard the door to the roof open, and turned to see it was Eddie. That was no surprise. Eddie always seemed to be watching him, or at least aware of his whereabouts at any given moment. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, but he could at least acknowledge that he had saved him from himself tonight.

“Can’t sleep?” Eddie asked, pulling up a chair beside him.

“Nope.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I know sometimes we can’t save everyone.”

Eddie nodded. “But that’s not what I meant. At least not all of what I meant.”

“You gonna yell at me for trying to go back up that ladder?”

“Do you want me to? Would it help?”

Buck looked at him, expecting to see the exasperation and disapproval that he normally got from Bobby after he went full-Buck on a job, but Eddie was just sitting there patiently waiting for an answer, like it was a serious offer.

“Not really.”

“Then what do you need right now?”

No one ever asked him that. They would tell him he needed to stop being so reckless, that he needed to listen to instructions, follow orders, and not endanger himself or the team by running off and doing his own thing. But ask him what he needed?

“I… I don’t know,” he admitted. He did need something, he just wasn’t sure what.

“Have you finished drinking that?”

Buck looked down at his mug, and it was empty.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. So here’s what you’re going to do. Take that mug downstairs, check around for any other mugs or dishes, and wash them all by hand. Once you’ve put everything away, we’re going to do a full inventory of the food in the kitchen, toss anything that’s out of date, and start on writing a shopping list of anything that is running low. You got that?”

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask why, but found the why wasn’t as important as the chance to do something and get it right. If Eddie made the decision, he didn’t have to, and maybe that was okay.

“Yeah. Dishes then inventory.”

“Good. Let's go.”

Chapter Text

Despite all his self sabotage, and more second chances than he thought he really deserved, Buck reached the end of his probationary period and qualified as a fully fledged firefighter. He hadn’t bothered to invite his parents to the small presentation, but everyone who mattered showed up for him, and he was a little overwhelmed by so many people all cheering for him. Chim and Maddie were sitting together, and Buck was more than happy for that little development. Chim was a good guy, working with him had shown him that, and he trusted him in ways he hadn’t thought he’d be able to, not when it came to his sister. It was early days, but they were obviously smitten with each other.

As he made his rounds, thanking everyone for coming, it struck him that almost everyone was here with their significant other. Eddie had brought Christopher and Ana, despite it being a school day, and it meant the world for the kid to be there to be part of his special day. He adored Eddie’s son, and he liked to think the feeling was mutual. As Chris’ favourite babysitter, they’d been spending a lot more time together since Eddie met his new girlfriend. It was hard not to like her, she was beautiful in a doe eyed, disney princess kind of way, and had the temperament to match. She was good with Christopher, clearly had her heart set on Eddie as her prince charming, and probably sang with the birds every morning, and fed a family of mice. Buck knew what that made him in this scenario, the four legged sidekick that acted like a loyal dog regardless of species, always there at the hero’s side, but not really part of the happily ever after.

It was good to see Eddie happy, and she obviously didn’t have him completely wrapped around her little finger. As a teacher, she must have put up at least some argument against Christopher skipping school, but Eddie made sure he was here. Eddie was good at that, understanding and anticipating what Buck needed, without making a big deal about it all. When his brain got overloaded, Eddie always seemed to notice, and gave him something to focus on. Whether it was knowing just when to hand him a tool, tighten a rope, or make him eat a snack because his blood sugar was getting low and making him grouchy, Eddie was always there. Buck tried to do the same for him, but with Ana now in their lives, Eddie had less time out of work to spend with him, and he couldn’t help resenting her for it.

Buck watched her demurely eat a slice of his celebratory cake, not a crumb falling out of place as she carefully cut a piece from her slice, the fork gliding gracefully into her waiting mouth. It was a stark contrast to Eddie and Christopher, who both had frosting smeared around their mouths, laughing and arguing about whether Christopher could eat a second slice. He loved seeing Eddie this way, a little chaotic but so focused on having fun with his son that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought.

He couldn’t help thinking one of these things is not like the other.

Buck tried not to speculate about the sex lives of his friends, but he was going through one hell of a self imposed dry spell, and sometimes his mind just went there of its own accord. Ana was probably the most perfect sub to ever sub. It was easy to picture her kneeling for Eddie, holding perfect form as she waited for him to shape her into whatever he wanted her to be. The thought made him shudder. What would it be like being with someone so stripped of their sense of self that they were nothing but an empty doll? It would be dangerous with a man like Doug, but he was starting to accept that he was the exception not the rule when it came to doms. 

Professions like firefighting attracted more doms and switches than subs, but there were a few, and they were never treated as less than. What you liked in the bedroom had nothing to do with who you were out in the world, but that said, he’d put money on Eddie being the same calm, steady presence as a dom as he was a friend and partner. Yeah, there was an underlying intensity, a fierceness to protect who and what was close to his heart, and maybe some of that would…

Buck shook his head. Making himself abandon that train of thought before it led to somewhere he didn’t want to venture. The odd stray thought about fucking his friend was bad enough, but all the other stuff? Nope. Not going there.

Maddie caught him staring into space, slipping one arm around his waist and giving him a squeeze.

“Still sinking in?” she asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” he replied, still somewhat in a daze.

“You did it! My little brother worked his ass off and became a real LA firefighter! Enjoy your moment, Buck. You’ve earned it.”

Buck smiled, and gave her a kiss on the cheek, leaving a smear of frosting that she immediately noticed. It seemed that the Diaz boys weren’t the only messy eaters when it came to cake. She produced a napkin out of nowhere and wiped the offending mess off her own face before handing it to him to do the same.

“You’re going to make a great mom someday,” Buck said, scrubbing at his face as Maddie directed him to the blob of frosting on his chin.

Maddie scoffed. “Oh, please. I’m already a great mom.”

“The only one I needed to be here today.”

“No regrets about not inviting them?”

“None whatsoever.”

“They might have come, if you asked them.”

“No, they wouldn’t, but thanks for pretending that they would.”

“Don’t go overboard, Buck. I only said they might. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Buck laughed, his eyes drifting from Maddie back to the table where Christopher had won his argument for a second slice of cake, on the condition that he shared it with Eddie. He couldn’t fight the fond smile he gave them as Eddie looked up and gave him a ‘what are you going to do’ kind of shrug.

Maddie followed his gaze.

“She seems really nice.”

“Who, Ana?”

“Yeah, we had a bit of a chat before the presentation. I like her. Don’t you?”

Buck bit back the no that wanted to leap from his mouth, because how could he really justify that when she was objectively a really nice person? There was nothing to dislike about her, apart from that icky feeling he got when he saw her with Eddie.

“She’s beautiful, has a career, Eddie likes her, and she’s great with Christopher,” he said, hoping that listing her good points might muster up some kind of positivity towards her, but Maddie wasn’t fooled.

“But…?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s too perfect? A bit too keen to be a stepmom to Chris?”

“Aw, sounds like someone is a bit jealous that someone new has come into Eddie’s life, taking up his best friend’s time and attention. And don’t worry about Christopher, he still likes you best. He’s been telling everyone how proud he is of his Buck.”

“I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re just being Buck. It’s sweet that you're so protective of your friends. It’s good to see you finally put down some roots. You’ve found your family here at the 118.”

“Okay, but you know that makes you dating Chim weird, right?” he smirked.

Maddie gave him a playful shove. “Shut up. You know what I mean! Now go and be nice to Eddie’s girlfriend like a big boy. She probably took time off work to be here.”

Rolling his eyes, he walked over their table.

“Come on, dad. Can’t I stay a bit longer? Please?” Christopher tugged at Eddie’s sleeve.

“Sorry, bud. You know the deal. I let you take the morning off school on the condition that you went in for the afternoon.”

Eddie was trying to be stern, but Buck couldn’t shake the feeling that he might have let Christopher have a little longer if Ana wasn’t sitting there watching.

“But the party isn’t over yet!” Christopher complained.

“It will be soon though,” Buck said. “We will have to start cleaning up soon, and until then it’s just a bunch of boring grown ups talking. You’ve seen the best bit, and had the cake.”

Christopher thought for a moment, and then said: “I can’t go back to school. My tummy hurts.”

“Nice try, but you just ate a slice and a half of cake. Not the actions of someone with a belly ache, and not enough to make you sick. Ana, you need a ride into work?” Eddie asked.

“No, I took the whole day off, and already offered to stay and help tidy up. Karen said she’d be happy to take me home when she leaves. It’s not too far out of her way.”

Too fucking perfect. 

He couldn’t fault her for wanting to help, but she shouldn’t be cleaning tables and getting lifts from his friends like she belonged here. She was a visitor to the 118, not part of the family. Dating Eddie didn’t earn her that right, not yet at least.

Buck went to grab some napkins to help Eddie clean Christopher up a bit, but Ana was already producing some wet wipes from her handbag.

He was trying not to let his hostility show, and when Eddie pulled him into a hug, everything felt okay again. Well, it did for about as long as it took for Christopher to hug him too, then they were saying their goodbyes, walking out and leaving him with Ana. Telling himself it was only a few hours until his next shift with Eddie began, he plastered a polite smile on his face, and turned to find someone, anyone, to talk to that wasn’t Ana. A gentle hand on his arm stopped him in his tracks.

“I was hoping that there might be an opportunity for us to talk, if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” he lied. “What’s up?”

“You’re Eddie’s best friend. You are very important to him and Christopher. I thought maybe we should get to know each other a little more.”

Buck couldn’t think of anything worse. Except maybe hearing that Eddie was marrying her. He pushed that thought away. That might happen one day, but it was far too soon for it to be an immediate concern.

“Well, there’s not a lot to know. What you see is what you get. I love my job, and my friends, most of whom you’ve just met. I’m not really dating at the moment, but I’m good with that.” He wasn’t sure why he added that last part, but other than starting to list hobbies, he wasn’t sure what else to say.

Ana smiled at him, pleasant enough, but he wondered what this was really about.

“Is there anything you would like to know about me? Anything that might put your mind at ease?”

He really thought he’d done a better job of hiding his feelings than that.

“Eddie speaks very highly of you, and I can see you’re great with Christopher. What else would I really need to know?”

She nodded thoughtfully, and Buck hoped that was going to be it.

“I suppose I just wanted to reassure you. I know you have a… special connection with Eddie, and that I respect that. I would never ask anything of him that would jeopardise your relationship with him. What I have with Eddie, what we’re trying to build together, it’s no threat to you.”

Buck was still trying to work out what the hell she meant by that, when she patted his arm and started to clear away the plates.

Eddie was expecting Buck to still be riding that high of being the centre of attention when he came back in for his shift, but he seemed a little subdued. Something told him leaving Ana behind at the station earlier had been a mistake, but he wasn’t sure why. They’d had a long discussion when they first started dating, all about Buck and how he was an important part of his and Christopher’s lives. It was unavoidable once she caught on to the fact that he had a key to Eddie’s house and spent so much time hanging out with him and Christopher, and cooking for them. It was tough sometimes, balancing Ana’s expectations with Buck’s spontaneous visits, and Buck got relegated to babysitter far more often than he’d like, but at least Christopher still got plenty of time with him.

He spotted Bobby in his office and decided to ask him if he noticed the two of them talking after he left.

“Hey, Cap. You got a minute?”

“Not really, but I could use a break. Take a seat.”

“Did something happen after I left earlier? Buck’s been kind of quiet.”

“Normally I’d be the one coming to you with a question like that. Have you asked him?”

“No, not yet.”

“Any particular reason why?”

“I’m worried Ana might have said something to him she shouldn’t.”

Bobby gave him an understanding look. “She’s getting a little more territorial now things are getting more serious between you?” Eddie looked a bit confused by that, so he added, “Bringing her along today was a big step. Not far off meeting the parents.”

“Christopher asked if she was coming, and I kind of had to invite her after that. I didn’t think it was that big a deal.”

“Maybe it was to Buck.”

“I didn’t think of that.” Eddie frowned. Would Ana being there really bother him that much?

“But you think she said something to Buck?”

“She wouldn’t have said anything deliberately hurtful, but I think her trying to be supportive would be just as bad.”

“Well, she knows you guys are close. What could she have said to upset him?”

Eddie drummed his fingers on his leg, considering what to say. Bobby let him have his time to think, flicking through the mound of paperwork on his desk to find the report he was looking for.

“Do you think I dom Buck?”

Bobby’s eyebrows shot up, and he let the paper fall back on his desk.

“That’s none of my business, Eddie, but aren’t you the person best placed to answer that question?”

“I don’t mean like that. I don’t do anything for Buck that’s not right out in the open, but Ana thinks I’ve been lowkey soft-domming him.”

“And what do you think?”

“I thought I was just helping a friend, but I also see what she means.”

“And you’re worried that she’s approached Buck sub to sub? Making sure no one gets their toes stepped on?”

“Pretty much. But Buck’s not my sub. I’m not really his dom. I’m with Ana.”

“But you can see how that might be difficult, for both of them.”

“I don’t think Buck considers me his dom in any shape or form. He just sees us as friends, and if Ana’s said something to mess that up, he’s going to hate me if he thinks I’ve been treating him like my sub. He’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose him.”

“You might want to start by being honest with him then. You can’t keep stealth domming him and expect it not to blow up sooner or later. Are you being fair to Buck, treating this as a long term solution? He’s not even trying to meet anyone any more.”

As heavy as it made his heart to think of Buck turning to someone else, Bobby had a point.

“No. I suppose not.”

He didn’t want to ambush Buck with this at work, so he waited until the end of their twelve hour shift, and offered to take him out for breakfast. Feeding Buck always put him in a good mood, and Eddie was glad they’d only had a short shift so they were not too tired to have this talk. He was still trying to figure out how to bring it up, when Buck beat him to it.

“So, I had a bit of a weird conversation with Ana yesterday,” Buck said between mouthfuls of pancake.

Eddie froze for a second, but went back to carefully cutting his food into small, precise squares. “Oh. What did she say?”

“She said she thought we should get to know each other better, and that she wanted to reassure me that she is no threat to our friendship.”

Eddie nodded, but he wondered if that was quite what she said, or if that was just how Buck had interpreted it.

“Do I really come across as that insecure?” Buck laughed, but it sounded fake, and Eddie could see the truth beneath the question.

“Buck, I know we’ve never talked about it, but you know some of the stuff I do for you… it’s more than just friendship, when it comes from a dom.”

“I think I would have noticed if you were domming me, Eds,” Buck scoffed. “All the hanging me from the ceiling by my nipples while you beat the crap out of me would have been a clue.”

Eddie frowned. He‘d always suspected that Buck had limited experience with doms, but was this just hyperbole, or did he really believe that domination was just an excuse for sexual violence?

“No offence, if that’s what you and Ana get up to, and you’re both into it, then go for it, but if she thinks we do anything like that, you need to set her straight.”

“She knows exactly what I do for you Buck. That I make sure you’re okay, try to curb some of your wilder impulses, and provide plenty of positive reinforcement when you need it.”

Buck dropped his fork and stared at him like it offended him.

“Wow. Thanks for breaking down our friendship in the most embarrassing way possible. No wonder Ana thinks I have a problem with your relationship.”

“It’s not anything I mind doing. Honestly, I like doing it for you. I’ve done it for friends before, but usually as a short term thing when they couldn’t be with their own dom for extended periods.”

Actually he’d gone much further for friends before, but he didn’t want Buck to feel like he was belittling what they had, or scare him by mentioning having physically disciplined subs, something that both parties enjoyed. He already had a skewed view of what domination could involve.

“I’m not a sub, Eddie. I don’t need those things, I just like them. I don’t need a dom.”

Now was not the time to correct him, not when he was being so defensive, and was still trying to wrap his head around what having a dom really meant. He needed to tread softly.

“It is more usual to get those things from a romantic partner though,” Eddie said, carefully choosing his words.”I know you’re not even looking to date anyone right now. Maybe you should.”

“Yeah, maybe I should. I’d hate to inconvenience you and Ana.” Buck stabbed at his food, tearing the pancakes into an unpalatable pile of crumbs on his plate.

“Buck, you’re not an inconvenience. You’re my best friend. Nothing is going to change that. I just think you could be missing out by relying on me all the time.”

Buck sighed. “Just so long as I still get invited to the big wedding.”

Eddie knew the comment was intended as an olive branch of sorts, accepting that Ana was a part of his life, but just the idea of Buck being there to watch him sign his future away to her made his breakfast feel like it was going to make a hasty reappearance.

“We’re not… I haven’t even thought that far ahead. Jesus, Buck! I’ve only been dating her a couple of months!”

“Long enough to have her swinging from the ceiling though, surely.”

Actually he’d been holding off doing any heavy scenes with Ana. There had been a bit of light bondage, and of course they’d had sex, but something was holding him back. Obviously Ana thought it was Buck.

“That’s not really any of your business.”

“Tell that to your girlfriend then. She’s the one who’s got the wrong idea.”

“I’ll talk to her. Make sure she knows what the boundaries are. She shouldn’t have said anything to you in the first place.”

Buck nodded.

Neither of them finished their meal.

Buck leapt on the first opportunity that presented itself. If Eddie was so hung up on the idea that he was only single because he was using him as some kind of surrogate, then he’d fucking date someone. 

Tricia was a barista at a coffee shop not far from Buck’s loft, and he’d been politely ignoring her flirting for months. He only had to show the slightest bit of interest to secure her phone number, and they set up a date for dinner and a movie a few days later.

The first date went about as well as a first date could. She was cute, confident and funny, but still gave off strong sub vibes with her coy little innuendos about his height, and how it was hard to find a muscular guy who wasn’t just obsessed with posing in the gym. She was definitely up for more than a goodnight kiss, but Buck held back, determined that he wasn’t going to slip back to his old ways.

That all went to pot on the second date, when the evening ended with him parking up the jeep in a secluded spot, Tricia hanging on to the bars of the roll cage as she rode him hard. Buck had absolutely no problem with that. He loved it when the woman was on top, and it was all going great until she started with the dirty talk.

“Am I a bad, bad girl? Riding your cock like I deserve it? Don’t you want to punish me for it?”

Mid fuck was not normally the time people sprung this shit on him, and he scrambled to come up with a response.

“Yeah, you’re bad. I’m punishing you with my cock.”

That got an excited squeal, and she grabbed one of his hands and pressed it to her throat.

“Are you gonna choke me?”

“That’s not really… a thing that I do.”

Tricia’s frantic movements came to an abrupt stop, and she narrowed her eyes as she stared down at him.

“Okay, breath play is not everyone’s thing. How about you really punish me with your cock. Fuck my ass and make it hurt.”

He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her off of his rapidly softening dick, and she scrambled to get on all fours, thrusting her ass in the air hopefully. She was talking about something that could cause her actual physical harm now, and he was so not okay with it.

“Yeah, I’m not doing that. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I wore a butt plug earlier just in case. I can take it.”

Buck scrubbed his hands over his face, and the smell of her on his fingers made him wince. This whole thing had been a bad idea.

“Not really the point.”

Tricia sighed, finally understanding that funtime was over. She retrieved her dress from the front seat and slipped it back on over her head. Buck awkwardly got rid of the condom and pulled up his pants, and when he was done he saw she was sitting there giving him a look that was disappointed but also kind of sympathetic.

“You said you were a switch,” she said.

“I am.”

“Hmm. Then maybe you should hook up with a dom, get some tips.”

“It’s only our second date!”

“I know, but I’m just not getting the right energy from you. Maybe I’m just used to a dom taking the lead.”

“Yeah, well maybe I just need to get to know someone a bit better before I get into the rough stuff.”

“Maybe. It’s a real shame though, ‘cause you fuck like a dream. I just need a little more, y’know?”

Buck didn’t know, not really. He drove her home with only the radio breaking the silence between them.

“How did the second date go with coffee shop girl?” Chim asked.

Eddie was standing right next to him, fiddling about with something in his locker, listening to the conversation but not joining in.

Buck pulled a face. “It kind of fizzled. Turns out we just weren’t that compatible.”

“Plenty more fish in the sea, bud,” Chim said, squeezing his shoulder. “You just got to keep reeling them in until you find a keeper.”

Buck nodded. He wished it had been Eddie consoling him, but maybe he didn’t do that anymore. Still, the weight of Chim’s hand on his shoulder was better than nothing.

Things with Eddie were okay, if a little stilted. Buck tried to be more proactive about eating regularly and staying hydrated so he wasn’t so dependent on Eddie for the little things any more. He still didn’t feel great about seeing Eddie with Ana, but at least she hadn’t tried to initiate any more awkward conversations. She was always irritatingly nice, and it was hard to watch Christopher warming to her. Despite what Eddie had said, it definitely looked like marriage was on the horizon if Ana had any say in the matter. She’d already met Eddie’s abuela and Pepa, so meeting the parents was probably next on her list.

His pride was still hurting from the whole fiasco with Tricia, but the idea of being in a relationship with someone was only becoming more appealing by the day. Everyone at the 118 seemed to have someone but him. More than one someone if the rumours about Bobby and Athena were true. He couldn’t even imagine being the third wheel to such a solid couple. Dom couples were unusual to begin with, but they were so deeply in love that they seemed to make it work effortlessly. Shouldn’t it be easier for Buck as a switch, because potentially he could make any dynamic work? Sure, some people thought switches were just greedy, that they wanted everything both ways, and were incapable of being faithful to just one partner, but that was bullshit. Buck was prepared to commit to the right person, he just hadn’t found them yet.

For a while he had a bit of a thing going with one of the 911 operators. They never actually met, but it seemed like a foregone conclusion that they would after they exchanged phone numbers. Buck was happy to take it slow, getting to know each other through phone calls and flirty messages, but then they just stopped. He asked Maddie about her, worried that something might have happened, but apparently she just left one day. When Maddie saw Buck’s concern, she explained that Abby had been caring for her sick mother, who had just died. Abby had never mentioned her, but that was a pretty big life event to deal with. Maybe talking to Buck had been a bit of an escape for her, and he couldn’t begrudge her that, but did she really have to ghost him that way?

Hooking up with Taylor Kelly was never part of his plan, but once he was sucked into her orbit, it was all too easy to let her take the lead. She was a dom through and through, but there was a lot less of the physical cruelty he’d been expecting. At first he put it down to the spontaneous nature of their hookups. Afterall, there was only so much they could safely get up to in the bathroom stall at a bar, or in the back of her news van.

When they did finally make it to a real bed, she took charge immediately, and honestly, he didn’t hate it. Everything was focused on her pleasure though, and she made him spend what felt like hours eating her out, until he got his technique exactly right for her. His tongue didn’t feel like it sat right in his mouth when she finally let him stop after her fourth orgasm, but she did return the favour in spectacular fashion, although of course only once. He’d hoped that there would at least be some cuddling afterwards, but she just gave him a quick kiss, said “that was nice” and headed out with her cellphone in hand, mind already on her next assignment.

That sort of set the pattern for their relationship, if that’s what it was. He’d open his front door and Taylor would breeze into his apartment, sometimes with handcuffs, a length of rope, or some toy she wanted them to try, and just as abruptly she was gone again. Buck wasn’t sure if he should feel flattered or used by their arrangement. The sex was phenomenal, but that seemed to be the extent of what she wanted from him.

He was into the bondage, which surprised him at first, but Taylor showed him she was using quick release knots, so he wasn’t that worried about getting stuck. He wasn’t letting Taylor near him with a strap on though, not with that wild look in her eyes, but he didn’t mind the small buttplug she bought for him. He assumed it was more for the look of it than anything, as it didn’t do much for him, but she seemed to like knowing she’d put it there.

There were none of the whips and chains of his nightmares, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hurt him when she felt like it. Mostly it was just a bite to his nipple, or a pinch at a sensitive spot if she felt he wasn’t trying hard enough or paying attention. She could also be vicious with her fingernails when she wanted to be, but it was no big deal.

It was the dark angry imprint of Taylor’s teeth on his left peck that finally caught Eddie’s attention, and, man, was he really not happy about it.

Chapter Text

There weren’t many secrets in the locker room. 

“Did Taylor do that?” The words came out much harsher than Eddie intended, but the mark looked like the bite that left it was almost hard enough to break the skin. The human mouth wasn’t as clean as most people thought it was, and the risk of infection was very real.

“Uh, yeah. Who else would it be?” Buck hurried to pull a fresh t-shirt on so Eddie couldn’t stare.

“Did you give her permission to mark you like that?”

“Well, we were in bed at the time, so it’s all fair game, right?” 

Eddie forced himself to exhale slowly through his nose before answering.

“No, Buck. It isn’t. Does she have your permission to hurt you like that? Is it something you even enjoy?”

Buck shrugged. “It’s not my favourite thing, but it makes her happy, so why not?”

Eddie had a strong feeling that Buck was being taken advantage of, and he didn’t like it one bit. He’d met Taylor a few times, but hadn’t really spent enough time with her to get a good read on her. It was about time that changed.

“Well, it must be getting serious, if you are letting her mark you up like that.”

Buck ducked his head and smiled. “Maybe.”

“Why don’t you invite her round to have dinner with me and Ana sometime.”

“Like a double date?”

“Sure, but-”

“I’ll cook. I don’t want to scare her off with your cooking.”

“Let me know what date works for you both. I know she has a crazy schedule.”

“Thanks, Eds. I’ll do that.”

Ana was a lot more excited about the idea of hosting a dinner for Buck and Taylor than Eddie anticipated, and even though her smile didn’t falter, he could tell she was disappointed that Buck was going to be the one doing the cooking. Was that weird? Getting his guest to prepare the food? But then again, he never actually considered Buck a guest in his home, and he often cooked for them, so why wouldn’t he this time?

A week went by, and Buck still hadn’t set a time or date for the meal. He said Taylor was working on some big story, and didn’t have the time to socialise right now. Eddie didn’t comment on the fact that she still had plenty of time to leave scratches all down Buck’s back, but at least there were no new bite marks that he could see. It was taking a long time for the one on Buck’s chest to fade, and he hated seeing it fade through a rainbow of ugly colours as it healed.

Ana kept asking for more information about Taylor, but what little Eddie knew beyond her being a reporter, he didn’t feel like sharing. He had a bad feeling about her, but didn’t want to burst Ana’s bubble. She was probably imagining that this was the first of many dinner parties they could host as a couple, that double dating with Buck and Taylor would be fun. The truth was Eddie found hosting events way too stressful, and the only people he’d consider doing it for were Christopher and Buck. 

His small house was home, but it didn’t compare to Bobby and Athena’s place in terms of a venue for gathering people together to socialise. He knew his house lacked some of the warmth of a real family home that his house with Shannon had, despite Ana’s attempts to introduce little feminine touches, like flowers in the kitchen, a new throw blanket and pillows for the couch. They were just small things, but they always looked out of place to him. 

He had to admit that cuddling up in front of the TV under the blanket with Christopher was nice though. The way he dozed off after pleading for just five more minutes reminded him of when his son was a baby, going all warm and heavy in his arms as he fell asleep. Ana was thrilled that Christopher loved the blanket, and bought him another one for his bed, but it stayed folded up in the bottom of his closet. The only blanket that Christopher would have on his bed was the slightly misshapen one that Shannon had crocheted with her mother when she was pregnant. Ana took the rejection with her usual grace, and said her blanket would be perfect for when his was in the wash, or he had a friend stay over. 

Maybe after his marriage with Shannon he was just conditioned to expect that his relationships would involve a lot of confrontation and reluctant compromise, but Ana had a way of making her feelings known without ever raising her voice, and her patience seemed to be endless. Sometimes he was tempted to say or do something completely irrational, just to see if he could get a rise out of her, but even when she wasn’t happy about something, she still dealt with everything with kindness and compassion. It made domming her terrifying. He could probably tell her he was cutting off one of her limbs, and she’d just smile and ask which one. They’d talked about limits and safewords, of course, and their preferences had aligned pretty well, but it was hard to judge how far to go when there was zero hesitation or pushback from day one. It was the opposite of what he was used to in a relationship, so maybe that’s why he couldn’t completely trust it. He just needed time. It was still early days, and despite what Bobby and Buck seemed to think, he was in no rush to get remarried.

It didn’t look like Taylor was showing any kind of restraint when it came to domming Buck, though. Judging from the marks she’d left on his body, and the few things Buck had told him, there was every chance she would eat him alive and spit him back out, and not even feel bad about doing it. He wasn’t Buck’s dom, but he was still his friend, and he wasn’t going to just sit by and do nothing.

Taylor had brushed Buck off the first few times he’d raised the subject of having dinner at Eddie’s, saying that she was just too busy right now. Somewhere, deep down, he knew that wasn't the real reason, and when he finally pushed her to commit to a date when she’d be free, not even the afterglow of mutual orgasms was enough to soften the blow when she outright refused.

“I just want you to meet my best friend.”

“I’ve met Eddie before, Buck.”

“But not properly, not since we-”

“Started fucking?”

“Not how I would have put it, but yeah.”

“Oh, Buck.” She dropped a little kiss on the end of his nose, and rolled out of his bed, getting dressed in that quick, efficient way that always meant she would be leaving the loft in what felt like seconds. But instead of taking off down the stairs like she usually did, she stood with her shoes dangling from her fingers, and gave him a slightly regretful look.

“I don’t often find an age-appropriate baby sub these days, and you’ve been an absolute treat, but I think it’s time we went our separate ways.”

“I’m not-”

“Evan Buckley, if you try and tell me one more time that you are not a sub, I swear I’ll tase your balls and fuck you with my biggest dildo until you cry for your mother. That’s not an idle threat, by the way. I have an ex who still keeps trying to slide into my DMs begging for just one more ride.”

“I thought this,” Buck gestured between them, “was actually going somewhere.” He hoped she was joking about the taser thing, but he couldn’t be sure.

She smiled sadly. “I know. I should have nipped that idea in the bud, but we had fun, didn’t we?”

“So, that's all this was to you?”

“Sweetie, that’s all it could be. I like you, Buck, I like you a lot, but I like you too much to twist you into what I need from a guy long term. I’ve kept things pretty tame for you, because I know you’re still finding your feet as a sub, but this isn’t the real me, at least not all of me. I’m not just a dom, I’m kind of a monster, and that’s okay because there are guys out there that just live for girls like me. But, sweetheart, you are not one of them.”

“If you’ve been holding back, if there’s stuff you want to try…”

Taylor laughed, but it wasn’t unkind. “Buck, there are plenty of things that I know I love, but equally I know you’d hate them. It wouldn’t be fair to force them on you just to prove a point.”

“How can you be so certain if I’ve never tried them?” He knew he was being stubborn, but she wasn’t even giving him a chance. He hadn’t realised how much he had invested in this until it was being torn away from him.

Taylor narrowed his eyes at him, before giving a resigned sigh. “Fine. I’ll give you a list. In no particular order: forced feminisation, urethral sounding, public humiliation, fisting, branding, watching my sub get gangbanged by a group of bikers… do I need to go on? These are all things I’ve done, by the way, some of them more than once. You don’t even want to know about my wishlist.”

Buck sat in shocked silence. He’d been playing with fire and not even realised it. Taylor was exactly the kind of dom he swore he’d never trust. He thought all the biting and scratching was her getting carried away. Turns out that was her holding back.

“Then why…?”

Taylor gave him a smile filled with genuine regret. “I told you, Buck. I really like you, and I was too selfish not to see if things could have worked out between us. But I’m not the right dom for you, and you know it. Stop looking at me with those sweet baby blues.”  She wiped a tear from her eye, and took a deep steadying breath. “Go find a nice dom who you can trust, someone who'll treat you right, who’ll help you find what you really want. You need to go be someone’s good boy, not my nasty little fucktoy. Your friends would have seen right through me in a hot minute. They probably already have, judging by the timing of the invitation. I’m guessing they’ve started to notice I’ve left my marks on you. That bite on your chest was a beauty. I wish I had a picture.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Buck admitted. What could he say? It was pointless to tell her that he’d started catching feelings when they were so fundamentally incompatible. It turned out he didn’t even know her, not really. He felt like an idiot, a kid with a schoolboy crush on an older woman far too sophisticated for him, and totally out of his league in the most terrifying way. She’d tried to let him down gently, and when that didn’t work, he made her rub his inexperience in his face. The lesson that not all dom/sub relationships were the same was starting to sink in. She wanted absolute control over his body, and he wanted… intimacy? To feel wanted? Someone to drain away the bullshit that built up in his head without leaving him empty and hopeless?

“You don’t have to say anything, Buck” She gave him that bright smile that her audience was so familiar with, creating a distance between them as she slipped back into her public persona. “I’m sure I’ll see you around. Just… take care of yourself, and give my apologies to Eddie.”

He watched her leave, then let himself fall back on to the rumpled sheets.

Find a dom you can trust…

How the hell was he going to do that? Especially as his judgement so far had proved to be so bad.

You need to be someone’s good boy…

What did she mean? Was he that hopeless? Or was his need for approval that obvious?

Lying in bed wasn’t going to give him any answers. He stripped the sheets, and put on clean linens, before taking a long hot shower. 

Time to start over.

There was no point in dragging this out. He shot Eddie a quick text.

Dinner’s off. Taylor dumped me.

A reply came back almost immediately.

Come over for dinner tonight.

He stared at his phone, trying to decide if he was really up for company right now.

Don’t worry. You don’t have to cook. Christopher wants to see his Buck. He’s drawn you a picture. 

Buck smiled. At least someone still wanted him around. If Eddie didn't want him to cook, it probably meant Ana was there cooking, or they were ordering takeout. He was hoping for the latter. Either way, if Christopher was around he’d at least be spared any questions about Taylor.

Eddie was not ordering takeout. 

Buck let himself in, and Christopher’s face lit up when  he saw him. As soon as he called out Buck’s name, Ana appeared from the kitchen.

“Hello, Buck. I didn’t hear the doorbell.”

Passive aggressive much , he thought as he held up his key.

“Don’t be silly, Miss Flores. Buck doesn’t need to use the doorbell.”

“No, of course he doesn’t, Christopher.” She gave them both a warm smile. “I forgot. And you’ve forgotten to call me Ana. Can I get you a drink, Buck?”

“Nah, I’m fine thanks.” He flopped down on the couch next to Christopher, and ruffled his hair, making him giggle. There didn’t seem to be as much space to sit as usual, so he reached back and pulled one of the pillows from behind him, frowning at it, and putting it carefully on the floor beside the couch. Ana disappeared back to the kitchen without another word.

“I’m not calling her Ana when she uses her teacher voice,” Christopher whispered in a conspiratorial tone almost loud enough to reach the kitchen. 

“Yeah, but she’s not your teacher anymore, buddy. You should call her Ana.”

“I guess. It’s still weird though.”

Eddie walked in from the kitchen carrying a mug filled with something hot. With the slight tilt of his head and a raised eyebrow, he silently asked Buck a question. How you doing? 

Buck responded with a grimace and shrug. Okay, but getting dumped sucks.

Eddie nodded and handed him the mug. Buck gave it a sniff. Camomile tea. Good for destressing and relaxation. Buck took a sip, smiling when he realised Eddie had added honey to appease his sweet tooth. He wasn’t really a fan of herbal tea, but that wasn’t really the point.

Eddie tossed another throw pillow to the floor, making room for him to sit next to Christoper, and Buck spotted a splash of sauce staining the front of his t-shirt.

“I thought we were safe from your cooking tonight.”

“You are. Mostly. Ana doesn’t believe me when I tell her I could burn water, so she’s been trying to teach a few things. Mostly I just get in the way.”

“See? I told you she’s a teacher,” Christopher said to Buck pointedly.

Eddie frowned. “Buck already knows she’s a teacher, Chris.”

“Uh, private joke,” Buck said, winking at Christopher. “What’s with all the new pillows?”

“Ana brought them, but we’re not allowed to have pillow fights with them,” Christopher said.

Eddie raised his finger to his lips in a shushing motion, whispering, “Not when she can catch us, anyway.”

“I gotcha,” Buck grinned. Pillow war was on the next time the three of them had the place to themselves.

“Mom’s taking me and grandma to Disney World!” Christopher blurted it out in that happy way kids did when they had big news and they just couldn’t hold it in any more.

Buck looked to Eddie, eyebrows raised. The custody situation with Shannon was complicated. Although they worked around Eddie’s shifts to try and make sure he saw Christopher as much as he could, Shannon would have preferred a more regular schedule that fit in with her nine to five job. Buck didn’t know anything about an upcoming holiday, although he knew Shannon’s mother was living in Florida now with some new boyfriend, but Christopher didn’t see her often. He was much closer to Eddie’s side of the family.

“That’s not quite what your mom said, Chris,” Eddie said gently. “Your grandma is very ill at the moment, and your mom wants you both to go see her in Florida. She said she would try to take you to Disney World, but if she does, I don’t think your grandma will be well enough to go with you.”

“Is it…?” Buck asked. He knew Shannon’s mom had been in remission from breast cancer for several years.

Eddie nodded.

“When is she planning on going?” Buck asked.

“I think it’s going to have to be soon. We’re talking weeks, not months.”

Buck’s eyes widened. He couldn’t imagine that Shannon would be up to taking Christopher to Disney World during a visit to say goodbye to her dying mother, but he seemed very set on the idea that she would. The poor kid would be crushed if she couldn’t pull it off.

“I’m going to miss school and everything,” Christopher said happily.

“We’ll see, buddy. But remember the real reason you’ll be going is to see grandma, okay?”

“Okay, boys. Dinner’s ready,” Ana said from the doorway.

It was sickeningly domestic, Ana playing mom, serving them dinner in the dining room, instead of at the kitchen table. He half expected her to make them hold hands and say grace, but Eddie stuck straight into his food the way he normally did.

He’d really rather have had pizza sitting on the couch with Eddie and Christopher, but if Eddie was trying to learn to cook, he could eat it with a smile, and be supportive. Unfortunately, Christopher didn’t get the memo.

“Do I have to eat the cabbage, dad? It’s got weird bits in it.”

“Those are…” Eddie looked to Ana for a reminder.

“Caraway seeds.”

“Caraway seeds. They add a nice flavour. It’s good for you to try new things. You might like it.”

“It better make it taste like chocolate. I hate cabbage,” Christopher muttered, poking at it suspiciously.

Buck tried to hide his smile as Christopher pointedly pushed the cabbage to the edge of his plate. He seemed to like the pork chops and barbeque sauce well enough, and Buck was just waiting for him to complain about there being no cheese in the mashed potato. Buck always sprinkled a little in when he made it, and Christopher loved it. With a little cajoling from Eddie, Christopher ate his green beans, but nothing would make him try the cabbage. Buck tried to set a good example by eating his, and it was actually better than it looked.

Buck and Eddie tackled the dishes, but Ana was one of those cooks who managed to clean up as she went, so it didn’t take them long. By the time they headed back into the living room, Christopher was cuddled up to Ana on the couch, reading to her from one of his school books.

There was such a soppy look on Eddie’s face when he looked at them together that Buck suddenly felt like an intruder in this happy family scene. Just hours ago he’d been talking to Taylor about her depraved sexlife, and he didn’t belong here in all this wholesome domesticity. He felt just being here was tainting it.

“I should head home.”

“Already? You sure?” Eddie asked, his brow furrowed in concern.

“Yeah, it’s been kind of a long day.”

“But I haven’t given you your picture yet!” Christopher protested.

“I’ve got a picture for you too, Buck,” Ana said. “Not one I drew, of course. Just one I took at the firehouse on my phone. It turned out really nicely, and, well, I printed it out in case you’d like a copy.”

“Come on,” Eddie smiled. “You have to stay and see your pictures. I think I’ll have to draw you one too, just to complete the set.”

He didn’t think any photo could beat Christopher’s colourful picture of Buck standing beside a not to scale but otherwise pretty accurate fire truck. He’d even carefully added the station number to his helmet, even if it didn’t quite fit. It was a work of art as far as Buck was concerned, and would be getting pride of place on his refrigerator door.

Once they’d all spent a suitable amount of time admiring Christopher’s artwork, Ana passed him a large envelope. He’d expected a snapshot hastily printed at home, but inside was a glossy 8x10 on professional quality paper that she’d obviously had printed in a shop. Buck’s heart just about stopped when he saw the image, only to start up again in some weird rhythm that felt like a fish flopping around in his chest.

It was a picture of him and Eddie the day of his graduation at the firehouse, a perfect candid shot that would be next to impossible to recreate. Eddie had his arm slung around Buck’s shoulders, his eyes bright, with little creases at the corners as he laughed joyously at something out of frame. Buck’s head was slightly bowed, a shit eating grin on his face, his body slightly leaning into Eddie’s. Buck hadn’t even been aware of Ana taking the picture at the time, and he couldn’t remember a single moment in his life that he’d felt as happy as he looked in that picture.

Buck tried to speak around the lump in his throat. “Thank you, Ana. It’s…it’s an amazing picture.”

“I just tapped the screen at the right moment,” she said modestly. “I’m sorry it took a while to print it out for you.”

“I’ve got a copy too,” Eddie said, smiling. “But I owe you a picture. Chris, go get your pencils. I’m going to draw Buck too.”

“Why don’t we all do some drawing?” Ana suggested.

“Okay. We won’t be as good as dad though. He should be an artist.”

“Edmundo, how did I not know this about you?”

Buck had seen the odd doodle Eddie had done for Christopher, mostly dinosaurs or robots, and they were good, but he didn’t know Eddie could draw actual people.

Eddie shrugged. “I took a few art classes back in high school. And in the military there’s a whole lot of hurry up and wait. A sketchbook doesn’t take up much room, so I kept my hand in for a while. I’m probably pretty rusty by now.”

So they ended up sitting at the kitchen table, Christopher’s art supplies strewn across the table as they challenged each other with increasingly more difficult random objects to draw. Christopher was making solid progress with the rabbit holding a teapot that Ana had suggested, but Buck’s tap dancing shark, though clearly inspired by Christopher’s obsession with watching Zig and Sharko, was a lot harder to pull off.

“Can’t I draw something else?”

“No! Just do it like the cartoon,” Chris said, not looking up from his picture.

“How’s the octopus wearing gloves?” Eddie asked Ana. Buck couldn’t see what he was drawing because he was leaning his paper on a book perched on his lap, but the way he kept glancing at Buck at regular intervals made him squirm. He liked being the focus of his attention, but no one had ever drawn him like this before, and he didn’t know how to arrange his face.

“All done,” Ana said.

Buck glanced at her picture. He’d been quite pleased with his suggestion, satisfied that it would stump her for a while. 

“That’s cheating!” Buck complained, throwing down his pencil in protest. “Those aren’t gloves.”

“Mittens are a type of glove,” she pointed out, far too reasonably. “And there are eight of them.”

Eddie looked at her smiling cartoon octopus and tapped his pencil against his chin. “I don’t know if we should let you have that one. Looks more like a squid than an octopus to me.”

Christopher looked at it, before declaring: “It counts.”

Buck looked down at his own picture. He’d managed to draw something vaguely shark shaped standing on its tail, but it didn’t look like it was dancing. With a sudden flash of inspiration, he grabbed a pencil and scribbled round and round, over the bottom of the tail, adding little movement lines to bracket it.

“Giving up?” Eddie smiled.

“Nope. It’s just tap dancing too fast for the human eye to see.”

“And that’s not cheating?” Ana asked.

Christopher grinned. “It looks just like the cartoon.”

“Better call it a draw. Geddit? A draw .” Eddie chuckled to himself as Buck and Christopher groaned at his lame dad joke.

“Are you done with your portrait?” Ana asked.

Eddie scrunched up his nose, looking at his picture critically. “It’s no da Vinci, but it’s probably as good as it’s going to get.”

He passed the page over to Buck, watching his face for a reaction.

It was a deceptively simple sketch considering the amount of detail he’d managed to capture, but it was unmistakably Buck, hunched over the kitchen table, face scrunched up in concentration, pencil in hand. It was good, really good.

“Wow, Chris was right. You're a real artist.” He couldn’t believe Eddie was hiding this kind of talent.

Eddie scoffed. “Hardly. I could point out a dozen things wrong with it. The perspective’s off, and-”

“You could point them out,” Ana said, covering his hand with his. “Or we could just enjoy it. Art doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Eddie smiled at her, appreciating the sentiment even if he didn’t quite agree.

Christopher rolled his eyes and mouthed the word ‘teacher’ at Buck, making him smile. It was a very teacherly thing to say.

“Can I keep it?” he asked.

“Of course. It completes the set.”

Buck was glad he stayed, but it was nearly Christopher’s bedtime, and he didn’t want to outstay his welcome. Ana probably wanted some alone time with Eddie before it got too late.

Eddie walked him to the door.

“You think this Florida thing is really gonna happen?” Buck asked when Christopher was safely out of earshot, helping Ana tidy away his art supplies.

“Fuck knows. I’m not happy about her taking him out of school, but it’s her mom. How can I say no? The cancer’s back, and it’s already spread to her liver and maybe her bones. Christopher has a friend who has grandparents in Florida, and they take him to Disney World every year. I think in his head it’s just what happens when you see grandparents in Florida, you get to go to Disney World. Shannon’s a mess, and I don’t think she realises how much he’s latched on to the idea. I’m going to have to be the bad guy and tell him it’s not going to happen.”

“Fuck. We could take him to Disneyland instead? It’s only Anaheim. A lot cheaper and easier to get to than Orlando.”

“Yeah, it might come to that.” Eddie sighed. “How are you doing? I couldn’t really ask about what happened with Taylor in front of Chris. You doing okay?”

Buck chewed his lip thoughtfully. “I know I dodged a bullet. She was a lot. But it still sucks, being alone again.”

“You’re not alone, Buck.” Eddie cupped his hand round the back of Buck’s neck and gave him a little shake. “You’ve always got us. You know that won’t ever change, don’t you?”

“I know but… well, you know what I mean.” The weight and warmth of his hand was comforting, but it made it harder to articulate his thoughts

“I’ve got to be honest though. I’m glad you’re not with her any more. All those marks she left on you? It didn’t feel right.”

Buck thought of cabbage with caraway seeds, and a couch with too many pillows. Neat morsels of cake perfectly balanced on a fork.

“Yeah. I know.”

His neck felt cold when Eddie’s hand let go.

Chapter Text

Buck decided he needed a system, a way to screen for crazy kinks before he went as far as meeting up with someone. With a bit of research, he managed to find an app that encouraged people to list their sexual interests as well as the usual general bio and pics. Thanks to Tricia and Taylor, he already had a list of hard nos, but the more research he did into what other people said they enjoyed only made the list grow longer and longer. He didn’t know what was more terrifying, the weird shit some doms wanted to do, or all the subs that were looking for doms to do that exact stuff to them. He just couldn’t see how he would get to the point where he could say ‘this is what I want’ with any kind of confidence. It all depended so much on who was doing it. Sure, he was pretty sure he was into bondage, but could he really trust someone to do that to him again? What if they were another dom like Taylor, only without the self restraint? 

Clubs were another option, and not just the kind where people went to dance, drink and maybe hook up. There was the other kind of club, where you needed a membership and a background check to get inside. Buck had never been to one, but he’d heard of them. Eddie had used them, before Ana, and he’d told Buck all about how it was a safe place to explore the dom/sub dynamic. He insisted that it wasn’t a full on orgy like Buck had imagined, although they did host nights like that from time to time. He told him that the main area of the club was still a social venue for people to meet, and if they hit it off, there were semi private rooms, fully furnished and equipped for whatever scene people wanted to play out. They were only semi-private because they were monitored remotely for everyone’s safety, but if requested, it was possible to have a sort of chaperone actually in the room, ensuring hard limits and safe words were respected. 

Those clubs sounded like a nightmare to Buck. What if no one approached him, and he was left like the last kid being picked for a team at recess? Or worse, what if his inexperience was like chum in the water for hungry sharks? And even if he did find someone he felt comfortable with, the idea of people watching, judging, even if it was via a security feed, made the whole thing feel too public, especially in a rented room. Fuck knows what things had happened in those rooms, what the monitors had seen people do to each other. He wanted no part of it, even if he could see the benefit of the systems put in place to keep people safe.

There was a third option, hiring a professional, but social stigma aside, that was a hard, emphatic no. Technically it was perfectly legal, but it was still far too close to prostitution for Buck. Besides, even if he could afford it, what was the point in paying someone to pretend to like him? He wanted something real.

So that left the apps. He’d gotten as far as messaging a few people, both doms and subs, but it wasn’t going well. Sometimes it took him a bit of back and forth before he spotted the red flags, but they always seemed to be there. One dom seemed very promising. He was a little older, but Buck was kind of into that. He didn’t think much of the way the guy started calling him baby almost straight away, but then he switched to baby boy, and the messages started getting weirder after that. By the time the guy asked him to call him daddy, it dawned on him that he was heavily into age play. Buck blocked him, added another no to his list, and stayed off the app for a couple of days.

The next time he matched with someone, a beautiful blonde sub who didn’t have anything wild listed as an interest, he tried something different. He sent her a list of his hard nos straight away. She replied with a message that just said: do you even like sex? Then blocked him.

He couldn’t even ask anyone for advice on how to navigate using the app, because all his friends had met their partners like normal people in the real world. Buck was the only freak who couldn’t make it work. Hooking up for a no strings quickie? He could do that in his sleep, but actually making a connection with someone? That seemed about as likely as finding a real life tap dancing shark.

Eddie started fussing over him again, and Buck let him, even though he knew what it meant now. Eddie had said he liked doing things for Buck, and maybe there was just the smallest chance that he got something out of it too. It could be something he didn’t get to do with Ana, given the way she seemed to Mary Poppins her way through life, practically perfect in every way, but he tried not to dwell on the idea that he could give Eddie something she couldn’t. He already intruded too much on their little family unit, to which he was now a guest, a welcome one, but a visitor just the same. It was better to focus on the time he spent with Eddie at the firehouse, the one place that Ana could never compete.

Buck was almost tempted to use the q word out loud. They’d only had one call out all day, and that had been a false alarm, and endlessly scrolling through the dating app was getting too damn depressing. His social media was no better, full of posts by people who had their shit together, and were only too happy to brag about it. He was feeling the kind of restlessness that could lead to him doing something stupid, just for the hell of it.

He went looking for Eddie, hoping he’d give him something to do so he could just switch his brain off for a bit. He spotted him by the weights, dressed in his gym gear, pacing up and down, in the middle of a phone call. He did not look happy. He must have already started his workout before he answered his phone. His shirt was sweaty, clinging to his torso in places, hanging limply in others, and his hair was a mess, although that was probably due in part to the way he was tugging at it in frustration between wild gestures with his free arm that the person he was talking to couldn’t even see.

Buck hung back, not wanting to intrude on his call, but unable to walk away without finding out what was going on. Hen spotted him loitering.

“Best give him his space right now, Buck,” she said, kindly.

“Who is he on the phone to?” he asked.

“Shannon, I think.”

Buck wondered if it had something to do with the trip to Florida. It had to be something involving Christopher for him to get this worked up about it. Buck didn’t like the idea of Shannon taking him so far away. What if she didn’t bring him back? What if something happened to him, and they were too far away to help? Eddie said she was a good mom, but Christopher deserved her full attention, and she could hardly prioritise his needs the way she should when her own mother was dying. He didn’t like the idea of Chris having to sit around a hospital, waiting for his grandma to die, especially not when he was convinced that he was going to go to Disney World.

Buck was just about to walk away, to ask Bobby if there were any chores he could do to keep him busy for a while, when Eddie hung up the phone, and sat down heavily on one of the benches, his head in his hands.

Hen knew better than to try to stop Buck from rushing to his side. She shook her head and left them to it.

“Hey, you okay?”

Eddie ran his hands through his hair, and gave Buck the kind of hopeless look that made him want to punch something. “Not really. That was Shannon. Calling from fucking Florida.”

“She didn’t take Chris?” Stories of parental kidnapping and ugly custody battles rushed through Buck’s mind, and if the next word out of Eddie’s mouth wasn’t no, he was going to throw up.

“No. She was already on a flight last night when we were sitting down to dinner. There’s a problem with her mom’s insurance, and Shannon’s dropped everything to go and sort it out. There’s some kind of drug trial she’s trying to get her into, but they’re telling her the cancer is too advanced, and want to move her to palliative care.”

“Shit! How long is she going to be away? What about Christopher?”

“Long enough that she’s talking about quitting her job and subletting the house. She wants me to fly in with Christopher for a visit, but I can’t afford that right now. Even if I put Christopher in every afterschool program going, it’s not going to be nearly enough. I’m going to have to pay someone to take care of him, but fuck knows who. I’m going to burn through all my PTO just trying to sort this mess out.”

“I could transfer to B shift. If we were working opposite shift patterns, I could take care of him.” The words were already out of his mouth before he could fully consider the ramifications of not being able to work alongside Eddie, but he’d fucking do it in a heartbeat if it helped. if he had to.

“I’m not asking you to do that, Buck. I don’t want you to do that.”

Buck was relieved that Eddie had so emphatically rejected the idea. As much as he hated to suggest it, there was another option.

“Ana would help.”

“I’m not asking my girlfriend of a few months to start raising my son. She’s not his stepmother.”

“But she wants to be. You must see that.”

Eddie groaned.  Grinding the heels of his hand into his eyes. “I know! But if I ask her, she’ll do it, and there are already all these expectations. She wants to meet my parents. My parents want to meet her. What happened to just dating? Why is everyone so desperate for us to rush into living together, getting married, having another kid?”

“She wants more kids?”

“Of course she does! But I can’t even take care of the one I already have!”

“Look, Shannon’s thrown you a curveball, but shit happens. This is no reflection on you as a father. We will figure something out. One way or another, we’ll find a way, okay?”

“What am I going to say to Christopher? Sorry, kid. Your mom has taken off for god knows how long, and Disney World just ain’t gonna happen?”

“I think a surprise visit to Disneyland might help soften the blow. We’re both off Friday.”

“That’s a school day. Ana will be working.”

“Yes it is. And yes she will.”

“Just the three of us. Christopher skipping school, and us ignoring all our problems to act like kids for the day?”

“We’ll get the Mickey ears and everything.”

Eddie considered it for a minute. “Fuck it. Let’s do it.”

“That’s Friday covered. Was Shannon supposed to pick up Christopher today?”

“I’ll have to ask if Pepa can have him for a couple of days.”

“Well, that’s a start. Talk to Bobby. I think there’s a couple of guys on B shift looking to pick up some extra hours. That should buy you some time.”

“Thanks, Buck.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Eddie that he’d do anything for him and Christopher, but he figured Eddie already knew that.

Buck spent the rest of his shift in research mode, looking into childcare options that could accommodate Christopher’s needs and Eddie’s schedule. There seemed to be countless options, but they soon led to dead ends when he factored in cost and availability. It looked like there might be some kind of funding available, but it was a bureaucratic nightmare. He needed an expert.

He called Maddie, figuring she might have some idea because she used to be an ER nurse, and that had to include referring people to various schemes and services. She couldn’t really help, as all her connections were back in Hershey, but she offered to ask around in the call centre and see if that turned up any ideas. 

Maybe Ana would have been a more logical choice to ask for recommendations, but Eddie had practically told him he didn’t want her involved. Buck wanted to be the one that found a solution, and so what if he took a certain pleasure in proving that Eddie didn’t need her help? The thought of a whole day out with Eddie and Christopher to himself, not only without Ana, but behind her back, scratched that reckless itch that had been tormenting him all day. Was it petty to exclude her? Probably, but the thought of it gave him such a rush that his notoriously fickle attention was locked on to finding Eddie a solution, and somehow furthering his victory against stupid fucking flawless Ana.

He kept going, through website after website, reading reviews and forum posts, trying to figure out what other people did in Eddie’s situation. Eventually it all started to become a blur, so he looked up what he’d need to get a disability pass for Christopher for Disneyland. 

He was getting distracted, plotting what route they might take to fit in the maximum number of attractions, when his phone rang.

Through a series of connections Buck couldn’t quite follow, Maddie had come up with the number of the woman who used to help take care of Abby’s mother. Figuring that if nothing else, at least she was medically trained, he gave her a call. She was happy to provide references, she was available, and something about her warm voice and easy laugh gave Buck a good feeling. He set up a time for her to go over to Eddie’s house to meet them at the weekend. If she didn’t work out, it was better to know sooner rather than later.

When he told Eddie that he might have found someone to help already, he looked completely dumbstruck. For a horrible few seconds, Buck was worried he’d overstepped, but then Eddie’s face just lit up with a stunned grin, and he engulfed him in a hug that nearly lifted Buck clean off his feet.

“I could fucking kiss you right now!”

Buck laughed and hugged him back, ignoring the little voice in his head whispering: “I wish you fucking would.”

He tucked the thought away, burying it with all the other stray thoughts he’d ever had about Eddie. There were some things that he couldn't afford to dwell on, and although they never went away, it wouldn’t do anyone any good to examine them. Better to let them fade away in the dark recesses of his mind.

Eddie had to admit, as impulsive as it was, Buck’s idea to take Christopher to Disneyland was a stroke of genius. It mitigated the sting of Shannon’s sudden disappearance, and Christopher was almost as excited at the idea of ditching school as he was about spending the whole day with Eddie and Buck at Disneyland. Buck had thought of everything, from parking, to a special pass for Chris, right down to the snacks and planning a route around the park that included plenty of rest stops, so Christopher didn’t get too tired.

They bought Mickey Mouse ears to wear, and they even bought a Minnie pair to take back for Ana. It was Christopher’s idea, but when Buck managed to lose his part way through the day, he gave them to Buck to wear as a replacement. It was supposed to be a loan, but Buck loved wearing them, and something told Eddie there was zero chance he was ever going to hand them over to Ana..

There was no way to do everything in one day, but it almost felt like they did, because thanks to Christopher pass, they didn’t spend as much time queuing for rides as they should.. It wasn’t a cheap day out, but Buck insisted on buying whatever Mickey eared snacks caught Christopher’s eye, and at the end of the day he bought him an oversized and overpriced Stitch plushie.

They took hundreds of pictures, and laughed so much Eddie felt like he might strain something. It had been far too long since they’d had a day out like this, just the three of them, and Eddie hadn’t realised just how badly he needed it.

Christopher fell asleep almost immediately in the car on the way back, and they sat in comfortable silence as Eddie drove them home. It had been a perfect day, and neither of them wanted to break the spell by talking about everything they’d spent the day ignoring.

Buck’s jeep was waiting in Eddie’s driveway. He’d need to move so Eddie could have his usual space. 

Eddie switched the engine off.“You could stay over if you like. You must be tired.”

“No, I’ll be fine. Besides, you guys are meeting Carla tomorrow. I’d just be under your feet.” Buck rummaged around in his backpack, looking for his keys, and Eddie chose to ignore the Minnie Mouse ears Buck had snuck inside. They were Buck’s now, and Eddie was absolutely going to show everyone at the firehouse the photos to prove it.

“Buck you have to be here to meet her too”. Eddie had just assumed that they’d all be meeting her together. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Buck might not be there. “You set the whole thing up. I want to know what you think, if it will be safe to trust her with Christopher.”

Buck smiled. “Well, all the more reason for me to go home and make myself presentable then. I can’t meet her covered in cotton candy and smelling like Gaston’s armpit.”

Eddie frowned. “Why Gaston?”

“I don’t know. Dude looks like he sweats a lot.”

“After that second burrito, I would have gone for smelling like one of Pumba’s farts, but I get it. We could all use a shower, but Christopher’s will have to wait until morning.”

“You need a hand getting him inside?”

“Nah, I’ve got it. Go get your beauty sleep. You need it.”

Buck had pulled off a miracle by finding Carla. The woman was a literal angel. She knew exactly what funding Eddie could apply for, and Christopher took to her straight away, showing her his room, and chatting to her about their day at Disneyland. He made sure to show her his Stitch plushie, telling her that his Buck bought it for him. Eddie’s heart just about melted when he told Carla, very solemnly, that Ohana means family, and that’s what Buck is. He wished Buck could have witnessed that moment, but he was in the kitchen, rinsing out their coffee cups. He was so damn grateful for everything that Buck had pulled off in such a short space of time. He was more than family.

In hindsight Eddie could see that he probably should have at least kept Ana informed of the week’s events. Between his work schedule, and the preparation she was doing for parent teacher conferences that week, they’d only managed to exchange a few hasty text messages, and he’d totally forgotten that they were going to spend the day together to make up for it. She was wearing a pretty floral sundress, all ready for the beach carrying a big floppy hat and a cooler that he just knew contained a lovingly prepared picnic.

Shit .

Luckily she only showed up once Carla was leaving, and she managed to hide the fact that she had no idea what was going on quite well. Eddie fumbled the introductions, leaving it to Christopher to say: “That’s Miss Flores. She’s dad’s girlfriend.”

Eddie still couldn’t pinpoint why his son didn’t always use Ana’s first name, but he didn’t think it was a sign of respect, and not using it now just added another layer of awkwardness to the situation.

“It’s nice to meet you, Miss Flores,” Carla said, extending her hand for Ana to shake.

“Please, no need to be so formal,” she said, placing the cooler on the floor by the door, and taking her hand. “Call me Ana. I used to be Christophe’s teacher, and sometimes he forgets he’s allowed to use my first name now.”

Christopher beamed at her, and there was no doubt in Eddie’s mind that that was not the issue.

“Well, it was lovely to meet you, Ana. It was lovely to meet all of you! I can see that Christopher has a wonderful family. I’m so glad Buck put us in touch. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Little cracks had appeared in Ana’s unflappable facade when Buck’s name was mentioned, and they grew just a little wider after Carla left, as she took in two sets of Mickey Mouse ears and a Disneyland gift bag on the coffee table. It was subtle, you’d need to know her well to pick up on the fine line pinched between her eyebrows, and the smile not quite reaching her eyes, but to Eddie it was as obvious as if she’d said: what the fuck is going on? 

Christopher was watching, glancing between Eddie and Ana, waiting to see what would happen next, who would break the palpable tension in the room.

Buck spoke first.

“Hey, Chris. How about you show me who’s got the high score on that new game you told me about while your dad makes Ana a cup of coffee?”

“Okay. Dad, can we have snacks?”

“Sure. I’ll bring you some in a bit.”

Ana took her cue and walked through to the kitchen. As soon as her back was turned, Eddie mouthed the word ‘thank you’ to Buck. He responded with a silent good luck. Christopher caught it all, and muttered: “he’s gonna need it.”

“What’s going on, Eddie? I thought we were going for a picnic at the beach today. Who is Carla? And who’s been to Disneyland?” There was a slight edge to her voice, and the rapid fire questions were jarringly out of character.

“I’m sorry. I meant to call you, but it’s been a crazy week.” Eddie figured he might as well go through the motions of making coffee, even though he couldn’t face another cup himself just yet. “Shannon’s relocated to Florida for I don’t know how long, giving me less than zero notice by the way, and Buck helped me find Carla to help with childcare while she’s gone.”

“You could have called me, let me know what was going on. I could have helped.”

“I was still trying to get my head around getting through the rest of the week, but Buck was incredible. He did a bunch of research, made some calls, and found just the right person to help. She starts Monday.”

Ana bit her lip and nodded, blinking her watery eyes quickly. “I got that part. I guess he dealt with it fast enough for you to fit in a visit to Disneyland.”

“Yeah, I know it wasn’t ideal to have Christopher miss a day of school, but he’d have missed a whole lot more if Shannon had taken him to visit her mom like she planned. I just didn’t want Chris to feel like he was just an afterthought while all this change is going on. He’s gonna miss his mom, and I wanted to make sure he knows he’s still got me and Buck, that we’re not going anywhere.”

“Yes, well it does hurt to be nothing but an afterthought.”

“C’mon Ana, what were you going to do? Call in sick to come with us?”

“No, of course not.” She took a deep breath, composing herself, then gave him a bright smile. “Well, it’s a good thing I packed a little extra for the picnic. They’ll be more than enough for Buck to join us.”

“I think we’re going to have to do that another day. Christopher is still pretty tired after all the excitement yesterday, and we’re just gonna have a quiet family day at home.”

Ana nodded, and the silence stretched on until he belatedly realised she was waiting for him to clarify whether or not that included her. He knew he’d hurt her feelings, not deliberately, not with the specific intent of shutting her out, and he knew he should try and smooth things over, but really, what had he done wrong, aside from forgetting they had plans? How he parented his son was none of her business. He didn’t owe her any explanation.

A part of him wanted to see her really crack, to hear her put into words all those silent expectations she had about their relationship, their future together. She probably already had it all planned out, with a timeframe in her mind when they’d hit each milestone, but he’d never agreed to that. He liked her, enough to see if like could maybe grow into love, but her acting like they were already there, that it was a foregone conclusion, was only making that possibility more remote.

He just needed the space to breathe, to get his head around getting to have Christopher full time, and helping him adjust to his mother’s absence.

He saw the moment she realised he wasn’t going to ask her to stay. There was just the briefest look of defeat before she squared her shoulders, and covered those hairline cracks with a paper thin smile. He wished she’d just yell at him like Shannon used to, but she was sticking to the I’m not mad I’m just disappointed approach that she probably used on her students. Maybe he had more idea why Christopher sometimes still called her Miss Flores than he thought.

“Well, another time then,” she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I have a lot of book reports to mark before Monday anyway.”

“Okay. I’ll call you.”

He walked her to the front door, and Christopher and Buck were too engrossed in their game to really notice.

“I’ll leave the cooler. You won’t need to worry about lunch, and there are plenty of snacks for Christopher,”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I forgot about the picnic. Just got a lot on my mind at the moment.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

He kissed her, just a quick chaste press of his lips to hers, and she gave him a genuine smile that told him he was well on the way to being forgiven.

He closed the door behind her, feeling more relief than he probably should. He picked up the cooler and held it up.

“Ana brought us snacks and lunch.”

“She’s not staying? “ Christopher asked.

“Not today, bud. She says she’s got some work she needs to do today. That alright?”

“Yeah. Buck, you know what that means?”

Buck grinned. “Sure do.”

Eddie frowned, not sure what he’d missed. He barely had time to put the cooler on the table before they yelled “pillow fight!” and launched their attack.

Chapter Text

It was no big deal, barely worth a footnote on the incident report Bobby would write up later, but Eddiie could see how it would have looked worse from Buck’s perspective. 

It was a simple rope rescue. A hiker had taken a tumble over a cliff edge, and she’d been lucky enough to slow her descent by grabbing hold of the branch of an overhanging tree on the way down. It had slipped from her grasp, and she fell the remaining distance, landing badly, resulting in what looked like a broken ankle, but her friends saw her fall and called for help immediately. Buck was lowering Eddie down to assess her, when part of the cliff edge gave way, dropping Eddie maybe ten feet, and showering him with shards of loose rock.

Eddie was winded, but otherwise fine, and it took him a moment to reorient himself to his new position, lying flat on his back looking up at the sky. But what Buck saw when he looked down was Eddie not moving, blood coming from his ear like he’d suffered a traumatic brain injury. Chim barely had time to secure Buck’s line before he was hurtling down the cliff, yelling Eddie’s name.

He slapped Buck’s hands away as he sat up, but Buck wanted him to lie still and wait for a back board.

“Buck, I’m fine. It was nothing.”

Their patient looked on in tearful disbelief that her would-be rescuers seem to have forgotten she even existed.

“You’re not okay! There’s blood coming from your ear! Lie the fuck down.”

Eddie touched the side of his face, flinching when he found the spot where the debris from the cliff had gouged a deep cut on the side of his face. Exploring further with his fingers, he found that a rivulet of blood had pooled in the shell of his ear.

“Buck, my head is fine. I’m wearing a helmet. The blood is just from this little nick from the falling rocks. I’ve had worse papercuts!”

Buck wasn’t entirely convinced, not until Chim came down with the basket for the hiker, and gave him the once over, agreeing with Eddie that it was just a cut to his face.

“Seriously, guys. Get it together. If Cap has to send anyone else down here, there’ll be no one left to pull us back up.”

The hiker looked terrified at that prospect, so Chim reassured her while he and Eddie stabilised her ankle, and secured her ready to be hoisted back up the cliff. Buck watched in silence, just in case Eddie suddenly keeled over.

“I’d tell you that this isn’t the usual level of service you can expect from the fine men and women of the LAFD,” Chim said, turning on the charm. “But I probably shouldn’t make you laugh right now. Rest assured, all our resident idiots are carefully monitored at all times by far more professional firefighters, even if we aren’t quite so pretty.”

That got a weak smile from the hiker, and she was visibly relieved when she realised that Chim would be the one supervising her ascent back to safety.

While the others pulled Chim and the hiker back up, Eddie grabbed Buck’s shoulders, looking into his eyes.

“I get why I gave you a fright, but I promise you, I’m absolutely fine. I didn’t fall nearly as far as you think I did.”

“It was my job to keep you safe, Eds. I should have done more to check the integrity of the ground. I should have been ready to slow your descent…”

“Shit happens, Buck. Cap thought the ground was solid too. So did I. It was a calculated risk. We take them all the time, and sometimes our calculations are a little off. Now let’s get back up there so I can clean myself up, and you’ll see that this was nothing worth worrying about, okay?”

Three stitches in Eddie’s face didn’t feel like nothing to Buck, not when it was his fault. He’d seen Eddie sustain far nastier injuries on the job and bounce back fine, but this one was different. Buck was the one responsible for Eddie getting hurt, and every time he looked at his injured face, his stomach tied itself into tighter and tighter knots. Bobby made Eddie get checked over properly at the hospital at Buck's insistence, but apart from a few bruises and the cut on his face, they said he was fine. Buck wasn’t fine though. He’d let Eddie down, and just because Eddie was willing to forgive him, it didn’t mean he was ready to forgive himself.

For the rest of the shift Buck made sure he checked and double checked everything he was doing, making sure it was absolutely by the book with no deviation from what he’d been taught was best practice. It slowed him down a little, trying so hard to make every action perfect and precise, but being just good enough was not sufficient to satiate that need to make absolutely certain he didn’t make another mistake.

He ignored the worried looks the rest of his team exchanged at his obsessive checking and rechecking. They were used to him throwing himself into every task with everything he had, trusting that they’d keep up. Watching him reroll the same hose three times because of some barely perceptible flaw in his technique was not normal behaviour for him.

His overabundance of caution worried Bobby enough to relegate him to the simpler tasks on each call, ones that were necessary but wouldn’t slow the team down when time was of the essence. Buck was grateful for that, but he didn’t like it when Eddie was out of his sight. He was probably much safer with the others watching his back, but he carefully monitored his radio, keeping up with everything that was happening, just to be sure.

The shift seemed to go on forever, but he felt no relief when it came to an end. He was tired, and his body felt too big, too clumsy, for what he needed it to do. He was taking up too much space. His fingers fumbled over buttons and shoelaces when he shed his uniform and tried to force himself back into his everyday clothes. The uniform that he’d worked so hard to earn the right to wear seemed alien to him, like he should hand it back to whoever it really belonged to. The badge with his name on must belong to some other Buckley, one who didn’t drop his best friend over cliff edges.

Eddie could see Buck was spiralling, but there wasn’t much he could do about it when they were still on call. Buck always took failure pretty hard, but he hadn’t failed this time. It was a minor hiccup on an otherwise straight forward call. It was no one’s fault, and it shouldn’t be affecting him this badly. There was no real harm done, aside from the fact that shaving was going to be a bit of a bitch until Eddie had his stitches out, and there probably wasn’t even going to be much of a scar.

Buck needed something more than just a friend could provide, something more than words of encouragement, a pat on the back, and a cup of herbal tea. Bobby had brought him to the 118 in part to provide Buck with some stability, not to be the cause of more problems. He knew Buck wouldn’t have continued to beat himself up quite so much if it had been anyone else on the end of that line. He had a responsibility to help Buck get past this, and more than that, he wanted to be the one who would help.

He waited, watching while Buck fumbled tying his shoelaces. The left sneaker in particular was giving him trouble, taking several attempts until it was fastened to his satisfaction. There was no way Eddie was going to let him drive in this state.

“C’mon. I’ll give you a ride home.”

Buck frowned. “Shouldn’t you be going home to look after Chris?”

“It’s nine am on a wednesday, Buck. Christopher is at school.”

He took a second to process that, and Eddie was a little worried that he was so unaware of the time and day of the week. They’d just worked a steady twenty four hour shift, but this was more than just being tired.

“Oh.”

“Leave your car here. We can carpool for the next shift.”

Buck nodded, and Eddie carefully steered him out to his car with a hand on his shoulder. As Bobby watched them from the stairs, he called out, “You did good today, Buck.”

It didn’t seem to register with him. There was none of the aw-shucks little smile that praise from their captain usually provoked.

Eddie focused on the road as he drove, trying not to look over at Buck staring blankly out the window. He needed to keep this simple for Buck. Build him up with an easy win so he could start pulling out of this downward spiral.

“I’m sorry,” Buck said for what seemed like the hundredth time.

“We’ve been over this, buddy. You’ve got nothing to apologise for. It was a minor miscalculation, and one you’re not responsible for anyway. Everything is fine. I’m fine. You did good today.”

He knew the words weren’t really sinking in, but he still had to say them. Maybe the repetition would help.

Buck trudged up to his apartment door, and Eddie wasn’t sure if he had noticed him following him.  He slowly put the key in the lock, careful to slide it in smoothly, and opened the door. Without turning around, he asked: “Are you coming in?”

Taking a little comfort that Buck was aware of his presence, he answered, “Yes.”

They stepped inside, and Buck dumped his bag by the door, the same way Eddie had seen him do countless times before, but this time it seemed to bother Buck. Before he had a chance to start worrying about unpacking it and sorting laundry, Eddie closed the door and locked it. It was time for him to take control.

“Leave the bag. Take off your shoes.”

Buck blinked at him for a moment, before asking: “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking your choices away for a while. You need to let your mind rest.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You can. Just listen to my voice, and follow my instructions.”

Buck let out a heavy sigh, but he did as he was asked.

“Now what?”

“How does your body feel? I know you are tired, but think about it for a moment. Does anything hurt or feel uncomfortable?”

“My eyes feel kinda scratchy. And my socks feel sweaty and gross.”

“What about the rest of your clothes? Are they comfortable? Is there something else that would feel better against your skin right now?”

“They’re okay, I guess.” Buck shrugged.

Eddie figured that they could do better than just okay.

“Go upstairs and get changed into whatever feels most comfortable to you. Don’t worry about what it looks like, just pick what feels good to you, what keeps you warm and makes you feel safe.”

Eddie took the opportunity to get a few things ready while Buck went upstairs. He grabbed some bottled water from the fridge, and fixed a plate of snacks. It was just grapes, some pre-sliced cheese and a few crackers, but it would do. Chocolate would have been better, but he could make this work. He took it through to the lounge, putting the water on the floor within easy reach of the couch. The plate would have to sit on the coffee table, but that was close enough, even when he pushed it back a little to make room for a pillow on the floor.

Buck returned wearing a pair of fleecy pyjama bottoms with a candy cane print, and a well worn t-shirt that had probably been blue once, with faded lettering that said Virginia Beach across the chest. His feet were bare, but Eddie figured that the apartment was warm enough that it wouldn’t be a problem.

“How does your body feel now?”

“More comfortable, but kinda restless.”

“That’s okay. I’m going to help you with that.”

“How?”

“Just keep following my instructions. That’s all you have to do.”

“Okay.”

Eddie led him over to the couch and sat down.

“Buck, you are going to kneel on that pillow for me.”

He frowned. “And then what?”

“Don’t ask questions. Just kneel on the pillow.”

Buck looked at him like it was some kind of trick.

“Can you be good for me, Buck?”

He was prepared to wait it out, but that seemed to do the trick.

“I can be good for you, Eddie.”

He sank to his knees, facing Eddie on the couch, using the same overcautious movements he’d been using since the call with the hiker.

“Thank you, Buck. That’s perfect.”

Buck's mind was still racing, each thought blurred into the next, too fast to make out the edges between guilt and fear and shame, but as he listened to Eddie’s weird instructions, it became easier to let them whizz past without trying to catch them and pick them apart. He had no idea what he was doing, kneeling on his living room floor, waiting for something, anything to happen. What was he supposed to do? Was this the start of some weird sex thing?

“You’re doing great, Buck. You’re doing exactly what I asked you to do.”

“Are you sure? Is this it? I just kneel here?”

“Yes. Just stay right there. That’s perfect.”

“Why?”

“Because I told you to.”

It wasn’t much of an answer, but Eddie had told him no questions, and he’d just asked a whole bunch of them. He didn’t like the twisty feeling that gave him in his gut, knowing that he’d gone against Eddie’s instructions. He needed to make it right. He’d stay here, perfectly still until Eddie told him otherwise. Eddie had given him instructions before, he knew it helped, but usually there was the distraction of actually doing something practical.

Maybe he was supposed to meditate or something. Eddie could be giving him a time out, like a misbehaving kid being forced to think about what they’d done wrong. That didn’t seem right though. Eddie kept telling him he had nothing wrong.

Trying to puzzle out what Eddie wanted from this, and focusing on keeping perfectly still started to slow his racing thoughts from a sprint to a walking pace. He had time to look at them, identify them, but they just weren’t as important right now as what he was doing. He was being good for Eddie. He said so, and he trusted Eddie more than he trusted himself.

This was for Eddie. He would be good.

He was staring at a loose thread on the very bottom edge of the couch. He’d never noticed it before, because it was only just visible from this angle, close to the floor, but it was providing him with a focal point to look at. Eddie didn’t tell him to stare at the couch though. Maybe he should close his eyes instead. He tried it, but couldn’t keep it up for more than a few seconds, because it gave him the sensation of falling, all alone in the dark.

He would look at Eddie instead. See if he was pleased with how still Buck was being for him. That felt right.

Eddie was watching him, just staring at him like he was the most interesting thing in the room. That gave him a warm feeling, and his thoughts slowed down to a crawl, then a sort of ooze until they stagnated into a dark pool at the base of his skull, still there, he could dip into them if he wanted, but there was no need for him to do so. Everything was still. Everything was just as Eddie wanted.

Time was passing, it had to be, but he had no way of measuring it other than watching the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest as he breathed. Eddie was his clock, his compass, his everything.

Buck was empty, and something about that was supposed to scare him, but he couldn’t remember what. He was in his body but absent at the same time. He wasn’t aware of the tears running down his face until Eddie leaned forward and wiped them away with his thumbs.

His touch was like a lifeline. He wanted to grab his hands and never let go, but he wasn’t supposed to do that. He probably wasn’t supposed to be crying either, and he screwed his eyes shut, as hard as he could, to try and make the tears stop.

“It’s okay, Buck. You’re allowed to cry if you need to. Just let it go.”

Eddie’s thumbs stroked gently over his eyelids, his touch melting the tension away. Buck wanted him to keep touching him, but words were far beyond his reach. Eddie had all his words, he was keeping them safe for him until he knew how to handle them again.

Eddie’s fingers started stroking through his hair and he couldn’t help leaning in to that precious contact. Eddie would tell him if that was wrong, if he shouldn’t do that. Eddie had him. He was safe.

Eddie didn’t time how long it took for Buck to sink under, but it was probably a good ten minutes before the tears started to fall. There were faster ways to achieve it, but Eddie wanted to be gentle with him. Most of those ways should involve at least a cursory discussion about consent, and Buck just wasn’t in any fit state for that.

He knew he could get him there though, if he just forced Buck to be still and quiet. That desperation to please would do the rest, although Eddie selfishly hoped that it made a difference that it was him who was giving the orders.

Buck struggled at first, shifting his weight from one side to the other until he finally settled. Eddie wondered what exactly he was staring at, but in the end his eyes turned to him, as he knew they would.

He watched the different emotions as Buck tried to make sense of the situation. Confusion, embarrassment, resignation, then fear. All of them were beautiful to watch, and knowing he had this power over Buck, his complete trust, soothed a bone deep ache he’d been living with for so long that he’d forgotten what life was like without it. He was doing this to help Buck, but what Buck was giving him in return was more than he ever expected. The temptation to take more was dangerous, but this was Buck. He sooner dive head first off a cliff with no gear than do anything that might harm him.

After the tears, when Buck’s body started to relax and lean into him, he knew he’d got Buck where he needed to be. He didn’t correct him when he slumped to one side, his head on Eddie’s knee, his arms wrapped around his leg. Eddie kept stroking his hair, tracing his birthmark with his thumb, watching him, keeping him safe. He would surface again in his own time. He had a feeling Buck had never been taken to this place before, despite how badly he needed it, so it could be a while before he found his way back.

Eddie would give him all the time he needed. He could stare at Buck all day, but he never usually had the opportunity. He wasn’t blind, he could see his friend was beautiful, and his heart was just so damn big, it broke his own to see Buck try to offer it to people who just didn’t deserve it. Like every other part of him, Eddie wanted to keep it safe, protected from the world. He didn’t want to see Buck give it away.

Eventually Buck began to stir, eyes blinking up at him blearily as he tried to make sense of where he was and why he was there.

“Don’t try to move yet. You did so well. You were so good for me. I’m proud of you.”

“I did?” His voice was low and rough, like he’d just awoken from a deep sleep.

Eddie leaned down and grabbed the water bottle, careful not to displace Buck. He cracked the seal open, unscrewing the lid, and held it up to Buck’s lips. Buck accepted it, letting Eddie pour the cool stream of liquid into his mouth, and drinking it down. Eddie wiped away a stray drip from his chin.

“What is this?” Buck asked, sounding a little more alert, but not by much.

“This is the part where I feed you. It’s important, so just let me do it. Okay?”

“I guess.”

“Do you think you can pass me that plate? It’s okay if you can’t, but you might have to move a little so I can reach it.”

“No, I can do that,”

Buck’s hands were a little shaky, but he managed to pass Eddie the plate without spilling anything.

Eddie began feeding him small pieces of cheese and crackers, just bite size amounts that he placed directly into Buck’s mouth. He knew from Buck’s puzzled look that no one had ever done this for him before, but he obediently ate what he was given without further questions. When Eddie saw him looking at the grapes, he switched to giving him those instead. He always did have a sweet tooth. Eddie wished he looked harder in the kitchen for chocolate or cookies. Buck was bound to have them stashed away somewhere.

“Can I ask you something?” Buck said.

“Of course.”

“Do you do this with Ana?”

“Not this exact thing, no.”

“Does she want you to?”

“She wants a lot of things I can’t give her.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I said you could, and I didn’t have to answer if I didn’t want to.”

Buck let his forehead fall to Eddie’s knee, but it was more an attempt to hide his face this time.

“Why am I like this, Eddie?”

He knew the question was much bigger than why he was kneeling on the floor being hand fed by Eddie.

“It’s just part of who you are. It’s no different from the colour of your eyes or the size of your feet. It’s nothing to worry about, or needs to change. It’s only a problem if you try to ignore it.”

“Then why do I feel so broken?”

“Everyone’s a little broken in one way or another. That’s life.”

“Thank you. For this. For getting me out of my head.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“Tired, but I think I could actually sleep now.”

“Good. You need the rest. Do you need a hand getting up?”

“Yeah, I think I probably do. I think my foot’s gone to sleep.”

Eddie helped him to his feet, holding on to his arms as Buck tried to shake out the pins and needles.

“You good?” Eddie asked when he was done.

Buck nodded, yawning so wide that it made Eddie’s jaw ache in sympathy.

“Go to bed, Buck. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Buck shuffled up the stairs, and Eddie heard a dull thump as he hit the mattress. He smiled as he pictured Buck just launching himself face down on the bed, not even taking the time to crawl under the covers.

He finished the bottle of water, and took it to the kitchen along with the plate. He rinsed the crumbs away, and stood staring at the plate in his hand, trying to think of what he was supposed to do next. He gave up and left it in the sink. He was too tired to make another decision for anyone right now.

He let himself out of the apartment quietly, even though Buck was probably dead to the world by now. He made himself jog down the stairs and back to his car, waking himself up a bit for the drive home. He put the aircon on full blast, and cranked up the radio. He made it back to the house to grab a few hours of sleep before Christopher got home from school. Processing what just happened  would have to wait.

Chapter Text

Eddie had set his alarm for the usual time that Christopher got home from school, and the jarring tones from his cell phone dragged him back to the world of the living in what felt like only minutes since he made it to bed. He pulled on some sweat pants and a clean t-shirt, and stumbled towards the kitchen to get the coffee maker started. He was spooning the coffee into the machine, not sure how many scoops he had already done, when he heard the front door open, and Christopher asking Carla “what's for dinner?”. He abandoned the coffee in favour of going to greet his son.

“Eddie! I didn’t expect to see you up! I thought you’d still be sleeping, getting some rest before the big date tonight!””

“You do look like a sleepy zombie, dad.” Christopher gave him a hug, wrinkling his nose. “You should definitely have a shower. What happened to your face?”

“Just a little scratch from work. A loose rock fell on me.”

It took a minute to remember what Carla was talking about, but then it hit him. She was watching Christopher tonight so he could go to Ana’s for dinner. All it meant to him right now was that he could go back to bed for a few more hours, and for that he was immensely grateful.

“Just wanted to say hello,” he said, kissing the top of Christopher’s head. “Wake me up at six.”

“Do you want a little snack before you go back to bed?” Carla asked. “I could fix you something.”

“No thanks, I’m fine.” Eddie was already shuffling back towards his bedroom. He was too tired to do anything but sleep.

When he woke up a second time, his head was much clearer. He lay there thinking about Buck, wondering if he was still asleep in his loft. For all its simplicity, that little scene had been intense, and he wondered how Buck would feel about it after some much needed rest. It was probably best to give him some place to think about it. He might actually start to accept that, whether he liked it or not, he was definitely a sub.

His phone told him it was five minutes before the time he’d asked Carla to wake him up anyway, so he headed straight for the shower. When he got back to his room, he found she had left him a cup of coffee and a cookie on the nightstand. He ate the cookie and sipped at the coffee as he picked out what he was going to wear for his date. He should at least try to make an effort, as Ana had talked about them having an intimate dinner for two with no interruptions. There would probably be candles, fancy table linens, and romantic music playing softly in the background. He picked out the pair of black slacks Ana had bought him, reasoning she must like them, and a dark blue button down shirt. He thought he must look okay, because when he walked into the living room, Carla gave him an appreciative look up and down, and said. “Well, look at you! I hope Miss Flores is ready for her Prince Charming, because this is not the Eddie Diaz we saw earlier!"

“You think I look alright?” he asked, folding back his cuffs. “Even with the stitches?"

Christopher looked up from his cartoons and said, “Definitely less cave troll. You smell nice.”

“Ladies love a little cologne, Christopher,” Carla said, “especially on a well dressed man. And that little cut? Just gives you an air of mystery. Makes you look like the good kind of trouble. Don’t worry about staying out late tonight, Eddie. I have my book, and it’s no problem if you want me to stay over.”

”I’ll let you know.”

He was halfway to Ana’s place when he thought maybe he should bring her flowers. There wasn’t much open that wouldn’t require a major detour, but the gesture would mean a lot, given how off things had been between them since the Disneyland trip. He found a convenience store with a half decent selection, and was queuing to pay, when the rows and rows of bottles of liquor caught his eye.

Fuck, I need a drink to deal with this shit.

It wasn’t like he never thought about drinking any more. The temptation was always there, but such a deep seated longing to numb himself to something as minor as dinner with his girlfriend caught him completely off guard. He was prepared for that feeling after a rough call at work, or even a difficult conversation with Shannon, but this? This was new.

He paid for the flowers, not even waiting for his change, and went back to his car.

Instead of turning on the ignition, he reached for his cell.

Bobby opened the door, a little bemused by the bouquet of flowers Eddie shoved in his direction.

“Here, you can give them to Athena to make up for me gatecrashing your evening.”

“She’s working tonight. So is May, and Harry's at his father’s house. You’re not interrupting anything other than a couple of hours of the cooking channel and maybe a chapter of my book.” He took the flowers anyway. “You sure you don’t want to go to a meeting? Maybe call your sponsor? Your text didn’t say much, but it worried me, Eddie.”

Eddie shook his head. “It’s not actually about wanting to drink. I wasn’t even really considering it… I just need to talk some stuff through out loud before I see Ana.”

“She’s expecting you?”

“Yes, and no. I texted her to tell her I’d be late because I need to go to a meeting tonight, so I have a bit of time.”

“Well, you’d better come in. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Eddie followed him inside the house, through to the kitchen. Bobby filled a pitcher with water and stood the flowers in it.

“Can I get you something to drink? I just made coffee, but it’s decaf. Or I have soda, or juice?”

“Just water is fine, thanks.”

Bobby nodded, fixing their drinks then heading out to the patio. It was a mild night, and still early enough that there wasn’t much of a chill in the air. Eddie took a seat opposite Bobby, and took a sip of his water. 

“Buck called me earlier,” Bobby said. He took a sip of his coffee, before placing it on the table. “He sounded a lot more put together than he was on shift today. He wanted to apologise, and promised it wouldn’t happen again. I assume you had something to do with that. Is that what’s bothering you?”

There was no judgement in Bobby’s question. If anything, there was a hint of fatherly approval.

“I did do a very simple scene with him. He was so wound up that it really didn’t take much to get him to sink under.”

“And is that what’s bothering you? Domming Buck when you are in a relationship with someone else?”

“It was strictly platonic with Buck, but it was so easy with him. It felt… right. And everything with Ana?” He blew out a heavy sigh,

“It doesn’t come as easily?”

“No, it would if I let it. But she just keeps pushing for more. It’s nothing that I’m opposed to, that I haven’t done before, and I don’t even know what’s holding me back. I mean she’s perfect for me. We’re much more compatible than me and Shannon ever were. We make sense together, and I keep thinking if I give it more time, then I’ll feel it too, what she feels for me.”

“But you don’t love her.”

“No.”

“And the thought of spending a romantic evening with her made you want to drink?”

“It made the thought cross my mind that it would be easier to get through with a couple of drinks in me, yeah.”

“It sounds like you already know what you need to do, Eddie.”

“But what if I’m wrong? What if I don’t feel that way about her because I’ve been holding back? What if that’s what I need to make everything finally click into place? She wants this relationship to work so badly. Am I not giving her a fair chance?”

“You’ve been together for nearly six months. I think most people would say that’s already a fair chance, but only you can really answer that question. The dynamic between two people isn’t the be all and end all in a relationship. Just because it makes logical sense, doesn’t mean it will work out. Athena and I should never have stood a chance together, but what looks crazy to other people makes complete sense for us. Sometimes you just have to go with your heart. It doesn’t sound like Ana is getting what she needs out of this relationship either.”

“I know,” Eddie sighed. “And maybe if I just go all in, she’d stop being so clingy, and I wouldn’t feel so suffocated.”

“Or that might just give her false hope and you won’t feel any different. You can’t force yourself to fall in love with someone.”

“It’s just got to the point that everywhere I turn, there she is. Would it really be fair to Christopher to cut someone else out of his life when he’s still getting used to his mom not being around?”

“He doesn’t need a surrogate mother, Eddie. Even if Shannon never moves back to LA, he has you, and Buck, and now Carla. And kids aren’t stupid. They know when their parents aren’t happy. He would adjust to you breaking up, probably a lot faster than you think.”

“Fuck! I just want all this to go away, to just not have to deal with it!”

“Then that’s probably your answer. Are you sure you don’t need to go to a meeting? There’s one not far from here. It starts in twenty minutes. I’d be happy to go with you.”

“No, as tempting as it is to prolong the inevitable, I need to speak to Ana.”

“If you change your mind, if you’re tempted in any way at all to reach for the bottle, you call me. Day or night, it doesn’t matter. You call me or you call your sponsor. Promise me that.”

“I will. I promise. Thanks for listening, Bobby,”

“And thank you for taking care of Buck.”

As soon as Ana opened her front door and saw his stitches, her eyes went wide and she reached for his face. He grabbed her wrists before she could make contact, and he could see the realisation dawn on her that the evening was not about to go the way she planned. It didn’t stop her from trying though.

“You must have had a rough shift. Don’t worry about being a little late. I’ve kept dinner warm, although the meat might be a little drier than I would have liked.”

He followed her into the apartment, and just as expected, the dining table was laid out like a Michelin star restaurant. There was a pitcher of some kind of fancy fruit juice instead of wine, and the room was bathed with candle light.

“Ana, stop. We need to talk.”

“Of course we could always just skip straight to dessert.” She fussed over the already perfectly folded napkins on the table, avoiding making eye contact. “I thought about making tiramisu, but although I did find an alcohol free recipe, I thought I’d try my hand at creme brulee instead.”

“Forget about dinner, Ana. You know we need to talk.”

“Do we though? We could just sit down and eat the meal I’ve spent hours cooking for you. You could tell me about your day, and-”

“This isn’t working. You know it isn’t.”

Her shoulders slumped. “It’s Buck, isn’t it? I told you, I don’t mind sharing you with him. I can live with that, if he gives you something I can’t. I don’t care.”

“This isn’t about Buck. It’s about us.”

“Is it? Did you even go to a meeting tonight, or were you with him?”

“I was at Bobby’s. He used to be my AA sponsor before I joined the FD. I haven’t seen Buck since this morning.”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Eddie. He wants more from you than friendship. And I know he doesn’t like me.”

“That’s not true,” Eddie said, even as it occurred to him that maybe it was. How did Buck look at him? The image of him kneeling for him, those blue eyes looking at him for all the answers made his heart stutter. Maybe it was about Buck, more than he was willing to admit. “I can’t give you what you want, what you expect from me.”

“I’m happy with what we have!”

“No, you’re not. You want to step into a ready made family, to be a part of every part of my life, but I’m not ready for that. I’m just… I don’t love you, Ana.”

Her face paled, but she still wasn’t ready to give up. “But we’re still getting to know each other! It’s tough to compete with Buck when you spend so much time with him, day in, day out, but if you just let me in…”

“It’s not a competition! In our jobs, being firefighters, our lives are in each other's hands every day, and that builds a different kind of bond, a trust that maybe only other first responders really understand. There’s no way to compete with that from the outside. You shouldn’t even try.”

“It’s more than that with Buck. You told me about all the little things you do for him, but I know it’s more than that.”

“It’s complicated.”

“So are you telling me you’ve never scened with him?”

The brief look of guilt on his face before he schooled his features into something more neutral gave him away. She started to cry.

“I don’t care if you scene with him. Just be honest with me, and we can still make it work!”

He’d made Ana cry before, but under very different circumstances, when her tears had been a cathartic release, something she craved. She was a very emotional sub. All that calm composure went right out the window when Eddie was in control, but there had been a certain beauty in her fragility, but that fragility was part of what made Eddie hold himself back. It would be so easy to break her in all the wrong ways.

She was not crying pretty tears this time though. They came with erratic sobs, her eyes reddening and her face becoming puffy. He felt bad for getting her into this state, but the imperative to comfort and soothe her just wasn’t there any more. This was necessary pain, and trying to soften the blow would do more harm than good.

“I’m sorry, Ana. I really did want this to work. You’re an amazing woman, and you will be a great wife and mother one day, and make someone really happy, but that person isn’t me.”

“What about poor Christopher?”

Her tone set his teeth on edge, and for the first time he felt genuine anger at her for having the audacity to try to use his son as emotional leverage.

“What about him? He already has a mother, and it’s not you. He understands that relationships don’t always work out.”

“And he has his Buck, I suppose.”

“Yes he does. And he always will.”

“Just get out, Eddie. Go back home to Buck.”

“I told you, we’re not-”

“I said get out! Get out! Get out!”

She grabbed one of the glasses from the table, clutching it to her chest, and Eddie knew if he didn’t leave now, she’d be hurling it at his head. There was nothing left to say, so he left, before he ended up needing more stitches in his face than the ones he already had.

It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he wondered if that made him a terrible human being. He hadn’t had to dump a girlfriend since middle school, so he had no basis for comparison. Even when it came to the divorce, he’d waited until Shannon brought it up. Whatever he’d said, Ana would have been hurt, and it wasn’t like he could have sat through a whole dinner, pretending everything was fine, and brought it up over dessert. Still, he’d wasted six months of her life, just trying to feel something more than affection for her, and she had plenty of friends who would point that out and be there to commiserate.

He picked up a burger on the way home, hungry but craving something uncomplicated. Carla looked up, surprised to see him home so early, but when she took in his bag of takeout, she nodded.

“I can stay a while, if you’d like to talk.”

“No, that’s okay. You head home. Thanks for staying tonight.”

“I’d say any time, but I’m guessing that won’t be necessary for a while.”

“No, I split up with Ana tonight.”

“Well, if you need me, I’m only a phone call away.”

Eddie nodded.

Eddie wasn’t planning on hiding the fact that he’d split with Ana from Buck, he just decided not to mention it straight away. He didn’t want Buck to draw any conclusions from the timing of their scene and the break up. He was still working through how the two things were connected in his own mind. If Ana had given him an ultimatum, he knew he would have chosen Buck, even if he’d never dommed him, but the reason why was more complicated than friendship, or that they’d bonded over working together.

He’d always found Buck attractive, but part of managing his dominant nature in everyday life was to set himself firm boundaries and to stick to them so he didn’t run roughshod over other people unintentionally. Bobby had told him Buck was troubled, and needed support, so he let that set the boundary of how he thought about him, and he didn’t dwell on that attraction. If he hadn’t met Ana, if Buck had made the first move, it might have been a different story, but he was used to leaving certain things unacknowledged when it came to his best friend.

He knew himself well enough to understand that domming Buck again would get harder for him to do without a sexual element creeping in. He had no problem with that in general. Any confusion about gender preferences in a partner had been resolved a long time ago, the first time he’d dommed his commanding officer. At first he assumed that it was the rush of having control over someone who was his superior in day to day life, but the truth was that he liked the fact that it was a man on his knees for him, sucking his cock, crying in gratitude for the privilege. If he hadn’t had his marriage vows to consider, he would have been happy to take things further. And that was part of the problem with Buck, gratitude. He might agree to things he didn’t really want because he was grateful to Eddie for the ways he’d already helped him. Eddie couldn’t be sure that if he took that next step with him it would be because Buck genuinely wanted it, or if he would be acting out of some misplaced sense of obligation.

But he couldn’t shake the memory of how beautifully Buck had submitted to him. It was all too easy to imagine him sliding his cock between those full lips, watching him lose himself in becoming an instrument for Eddie’s pleasure, his own cock straining and neglected until Eddie gave him relief. Trying not to think about it made him short tempered, and he needed to find a distraction if he was going to be able to keep ignoring it. He needed to find a casual sub again to be clear headed enough to deal with the situation rationally.

He couldn’t keep news of the breakup from Buck indefinitely, and it was Christopher who let it slip.

“No, that’s not how I’m supposed to do it, dad!”

“It’s math. As long as you get the right answer, it doesn’t matter how you get there!”

Buck was messing about on his phone, waiting for them to be done with Christopher’s homework so they could play for a bit. Variations on the same argument had been going on for a while, so he looked up and asked, “Why don’t you get Ana to help you with this?”

“Ana doesn’t come over anymore, Buck. Dad fired her as his girlfriend.”

“I didn’t fire her, Chris. Being someone’s girlfriend isn’t a job.”

Suddenly he had Buck’s full attention. “You split up? When did that happen?”

“Last week.” Eddie tried not to wince as Buck’s expression went from one of surprise to something like disappointment.

“Last week? Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay?”

Eddie smiled, more for Christopher’s benefit than anything else. “I’m fine. I just didn’t want to make a big deal about it. Things just didn’t work out.”

“You still should have told me.”

“You’re supposed to tell friends when you dump someone, dad. So they know they don’t have to be nice to them any more.”

Eddie frowned. “You still need to be nice to people, bud. Even when people break up.”

“I don’t think I should have to be nice to anyone who tries to make me eat cabbage with gross bits in it. Buck’s much better at cooking anyway.”

The topic of conversation moved on, but Eddie was hyper aware of Buck watching them as Christopher worked his way through his homework, largely ignoring his dad’s input. He could practically hear him thinking, mulling over why Eddie really hadn’t said anything.

Buck didn’t say anything when Christopher went to bed, or when the movie they decided to watch ended. It was only when he was at the front door, about to leave when he asked. “Was it my fault? You ending things with Ana?”

“No. Things had just run their course. I couldn’t keep letting her think we had a future together when it just wasn’t going to happen.” 

It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. Buck looked as though he was about to ask something else, before changing his mind.

“Ill see you at work, then.”

“Night, Buck.”

Anytime Eddie caught Buck looking at him, when they weren’t right in the middle of a call, he had that same puzzled look on his face, like there was a question he was dying to ask but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. It was driving Eddie slowly crazy. The tension was twisting his muscles into knots, and without Ana around any more, it was getting harder to self regulate. He nearly punched a driver at the scene of a minor traffic collision for not having his toddler in a suitable child seat, and for once it was Buck stepping in to stop him doing something stupid.

Once he’d calmed down, that look was on Buck’s face, and he looked closer than ever to finally saying something. He was no more prepared to face that conversation than he had been the night he broke things off with Anna. Out of desperation, he checked whether his membership was still active at Heather’s, and as soon as he saw that it was, he decided to return to the club for the first time in six months. It wasn’t ideal, but it was his best bet for a no strings scene.

The thought of finding a random sub always made him feel like shit. The whole system relied on responsible safeguards rather than any real trust between scene partners, and it always felt too contrived. He preferred knowing a sub so well that he could read their reactions, rather than agreeing limits and relying on a sub’s capacity to safeword if anything was too much. If he got lucky, he might find a familiar face who he’d dommed before, but there were no guarantees.

From the outside, the only clue the building housed a club was the two doormen. Lady H didn’t need to advertise, her reputation alone was enough to ensure a steady membership. Eddie liked that she could afford to be choosy as to who she admitted, and vetted applicants much more thoroughly than most club owners. She didn’t even allow alcohol on the premises to make sure everyone was capable of giving consent. At rougher clubs booze was an easy source of secondary revenue, and patrons had to assume that risk. Eddie only found out about Heather’s when he overheard a dom complaining about her strict ban on alcohol, which was ideal for him.

When Eddie had finally passed the background checks, he was relieved to find the club exceeded his expectations. There was an air of sophisticated seduction, with space to mingle and talk to people. Places to sit hadn’t been sacrificed for anything as crass as a dancefloor, but there was a small raised area that served as a stage for demonstrations, or performances by professional dancers. Usually there was soft music playing, enough to add ambiance but not so much as to drown out conversation, but it could be of virtualy any genre. It was a place almost anyone could feel at ease, and even after a six month absence Eddie felt more relaxed just by walking through the door.

It was still early, and there were probably no more than a dozen people dotted around, sipping soda or one of the many specialty teas they served. Eddie recognised another dom, and returned her smile with one of his own. They were barely even acquaintances though, so didn’t feel the need to actually start a conversation. It wasn’t what either of them were there for.

He ordered himself a club soda, and chose a loveseat in a corner with a clear view of the door to sit and watch as people arrived. He’d only been there a couple of minutes before Lady H made an appearance. It wasn’t that unusual to see her in the club, but usually it would be later on in the evening, and she would glide regally among the patrons with the demeanour of a queen surveying her kingdom. She did not usually glance around then head straight for Eddie with narrowed eyes and pursed lips.

“Mr Diaz. It’s wonderful to have your company again, but I do not appreciate you bringing trouble to my door.”

“I’m sorry.” It was best to get the apology in straight away, even if he wasn’t sure what he was apologising for. “What trouble would that be?”

She smiled, but Eddie was aware that he had to tread very carefully if he was to make it through this interaction safely. She stared at him for long enough that he had to fight the urge to squirm in his seat, then sighed and took the seat next to him.

“I have a very generous policy regarding dom’s bringing their subs as guests, if it is agreed in advance. But what I will not tolerate is subs turning up unannounced, demanding to be taken to their dom.”

“What? I don’t even have a sub at the moment. That’s why I’m here.”

“If that is the case, I will inform my doormen to remove the young man from the premises and inform the authorities if he won’t leave peacefully.”

“Wait, it’s a man? Not a slim latina with big eyes?” His first thought had been Ana, as she knew he used to frequent the club. She even asked to come as a guest once, to make use of one of the playrooms in an attempt to initiate a more intense scene. He’d only mentioned the club to Buck once, months ago, and he wasn’t sure he even told him the name.

“He is most definitely male, Mr Diaz. He has the most beautiful blue eyes, but evidently a bit of a temper when he doesn’t get what he wants. The question remains, does he or does he not belong to you?”

“He… we…It’s complicated.”

Her smile widened in understanding, and Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin when she patted his arm, almost affectionately.

“Well, you’d better go and uncomplicate it. Before the police are called.”

Chapter Text

Buck knew he responsible for the end of Eddie’s relationship with Ana. He was glad she was gone, but he didn’t like that, whatever Eddie said, he was obviously the reason. She must have found out what Eddie had done for him. She’d been prepared to respect their friendship, but they’d crossed a line from friendship into intimacy the moment he had knelt for Eddie. When he woke from a deep, restful sleep later that day, it was with the knowledge that Eddie had given him the gift of showing him who and what he was. His only problem now was figuring out how to tell Eddie he wanted more. Well, that and dealing with the fact that he’d driven away his best friend’s perfect girlfriend, who was probably the love of his life.

He could see Eddie’s usually calm demeanour begin to fray around the edges, but he was too scared to bring it up in case it confirmed his fear that Eddie blamed him for losing Ana. He wondered if this was what it had been like for Eddie, watching him unravel because he wasn’t getting what he needed to satisfy that dark, private part of himself. The difference was that Eddie had the balls to actually offer to do something about it when Buck had been suffering. The fear of rejection, the idea of a sub as inexperienced as Buck being able to help someone like Eddie was ridiculous to the point of being laughable, was more than enough to kill the words before they ever left his mouth.

When he noticed that Bobby was inviting Eddie to meetings far more frequently, he had a whole other problem to worry about. He watched Eddie carefully for any sign that he might be drinking, and discreetly searched his house for anything that could be a hiding spot for a bottle, but nothing turned up.

When Eddie asked him to babysit one night but was vague about where he was going, Buck was more worried than ever. He lied and said he had plans, hoping that would force Eddie to stay home, but he overheard him making arrangements with Carla instead. He’d have to follow him if he was going to find out where he was going, but Eddie would recognise the jeep right away. Which was how Buck found himself on a stakeout in an uber, parked up in a spot where he could see Eddie’s driveway. 

His driver was living for Buck’s strange request, and was talking a mile a minute, trying to guess why Buck wanted to secretly follow someone. He was so into it that Buck wondered if he should mention his lack of scruples to Athena. Buck wasn’t a stalker, but he could have been, and this guy was only too happy to help.

The two options Buck had whittled it down to were that either Eddie was going back to Ana, or that he was going to a bar. If he was seeing Ana again, there wasn’t much he could do, but if he was going to a bar he would intervene and call Bobby so they could get him to a meeting.

The plan worked. Eddie was oblivious to them trailing him from a safe distance. His driver was far too good at keeping him in sight but maintaining a low profile. Again, worrying. When Eddie parked up and disappeared into a smart but nondescript building, his driver groaned.

“Seriously? This is it? You could have just asked me to take you to Heather’s. Finding it is no problem, it’s the getting in that’s the real challenge.”

Buck was fairly certain this was the club Eddie had mentioned to him months back. There was no way he could just stroll in there. “Do you know another way in? Can you get me in there?” Buck asked.

“Fuck, no! I’m not suicidal! Besides, Lady H is one hell of a broad. I respect her vibe, even if I’m never gonna pass her background checks. A guy’s gotta have a dream right? You want me to take you home?”

“No. I have to at least try.”

Buck paid him, and was about to get out of the car, when the driver said, “Look, I get it. We all get that itch we gotta scratch sometimes, but don’t do anything stupid. You’re a big guy, but those motherfuckers are bigger, and there’s two of them. Even if you get past them, you’re not gonna get what you want in there before the place is swarming with cops.”

“I just need to speak to my friend.”

The driver looked doubtful. “Then my advice is ask real nice, and if they say no, get the fuck outta here. Good luck.”

Buck waited until the car peeled away into the night before approaching the doormen. They were huge, built like linebackers but dressed incongruously well in expensively tailored black suits that only emphasised their muscular physiques. They definitely weren't there just for show though. One of them was missing an earlobe, and the other had heavily scarred hands and a couple of fingers that didn’t sit quite right. They watched Buck warily, but before he could even open his mouth, one of them looked him up and down, and just said, “No.”

“You didn’t even let me-”

“You’re not a member. So whatever it is, no.”

“I just need to-”

“Leave. Or we will make you leave.”

“I can’t without-”

“Last warning.”

“Please if you can just give a message to-” 

Taking a step forward was a mistake. The guy moved so quickly that, without knowing how it happened, Buck was pinned face first into a wall with his arm twisted up behind him, the breath knocked out of him. He struggled, trying to kick back against the man’s legs, but his grip only tightened.

“My dom is in there! I have to speak to him! Eddie Diaz! Just tell him I’m here! Please! I have to speak to Eddie Diaz!”

The guy not currently pushing Buck’s face slowly through a wall glanced up at the security camera above the door and nodded. Buck figured they were both getting some kind of instructions through their earpieces, as the man restraining him eased up a little, but still didn’t let him go.

His shoulder was aching from the abuse, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. They were waiting for something, and he’d just have to wait and see what that was. He just hoped that Eddie wasn’t sitting at a bar right now, ending years of sobriety because of him. Eventually the door opened, and he could have sobbed with relief just to see Eddie’s face.

“What the hell, Buck?”

“Is this one yours?” the man restraining Buck asked.

For a horrible moment Buck thought Eddie was going to say no, and head back inside.

“Yeah, he’s with me. Can you let him go? I’ve got him now.”

The man released him, and figuring he hadn’t got much dignity left to lose, Buck grabbed Eddie and hugged him, taking the opportunity to check to see if he smelled like he’d been drinking. Bemused, Eddie hugged him back.

“Thank fuck. I was scared you’d had a drink,” Buck said, stepping back, shoving his hands in his pockets in a failed attempt to look less awkward.

“What? No! They don’t even serve alcohol here. Why would you think I’d be drinking?”

“Bobby keeps trying to drag you off to meetings, and you haven’t been yourself lately.”

“I know, Buck. That’s why I’m here.”

“Don’t go back in.”

One of the doormen scoffed at that, obviously listening in on them, despite maintaining his thousand yard stare as if he had no interest in their conversation. Eddie glared at him, not that he even noticed, and jerked his head, indicating for Buck to follow him further down the street to give them a little privacy. Buck followed him.

“I’m serious, Eddie. Don’t go back in there. Don’t just pick a stranger to help you out. Let me help you. Let me sub for you.” Buck couldn’t believe he’d finally said the words out loud, but the thought of Eddie walking away from him, of some unknown stranger getting this part of him, someone who didn’t even know how fucking incredible Eddie was, finally outweighed his fear of rejection. He had to try.

Eddie didn’t look surprised by his offer, but his expression was so serious that Buck wondered just how badly he’d fucked things up by making it.

“Buck, it wouldn’t be like when you kneeled for me. You don’t even know what you are trying to offer here.”

“I know. But I want it anyway.”

Eddie sighed. “It wouldn’t just be me bossing you about. It would involve sex. Probably rough sex, and almost certainly involving some level of pain or discomfort for you. You have no idea what my kinks actually are.”

“I’m not naive, Eds.” If Eddie was trying to put him off, he was doing a really shitty job. Buck tried to subtly adjust himself, but if Eddie kept talking like this it was going to get very obvious just how much his words were affecting him. “I know it would be more than we’ve ever done before, and I’m good with that.”

Eddie scrubbed one hand over his face, swearing under his breath.

“How did you even find me here?”

“I followed you in an uber. The driver was kinda sketchy though. Way too into the idea of stalking you.”

“For fucksake… Okay, I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Promise me you won’t just come straight back here. Please.”

Eddie let out a bitter laugh. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I don’t know if it’s even possible to get back into Lady H’s good books after what you just pulled.”

Buck knew he should feel guilty for putting Eddie in an awkward situation, and membership to a place like that probably wasn’t cheap, but he’d risk having his arm broken a hundred times over if it meant keeping Eddie out of that club, and he just couldn’t feel bad about it.

“You won’t go somewhere else, to another club?”

“Just get in the car, Buck.”

They drove back to Buck’s loft in silence. Eddie still hadn’t given him any answers. Buck was fully prepared to beg Eddie to take what he needed from him, and he bit his lip, wondering if Eddie would like that. The hardest part had been offering to sub for him, but now that was out of the way and Eddie hadn’t laughed in his face, Buck was committed to doing whatever it took to convince him.

Eddie parked the car, and switched off the ignition. Buck took that as a good sign. If he only intended to drop him off, he was more likely to leave the engine running.

“Do you have a safeword?” Eddie asked.

“Not really. Just red for stop, and yellow for we need to talk about this. Green is all good.”

Buck’s heart was galloping in his chest. If Eddie was asking about safewords…

“I won’t stop if you say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. I need to trust that you will safeword out if you need to.”

“I will, I promise. I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t. There are a lot of things we should be discussing before we even consider doing this. I know you’ve been making a list of all the things you don’t want to do.”

“I can show it to you if you want. It’s on my phone.”

Eddie nodded once, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel harder.

Buck pulled up the list and showed it to him.

“There’s..uh, a second list,” Buck mumbled. “A list of things that… it’s not exactly a wishlist but… with the right person? I’ve never shown it to anyone but…”

He pulled it up and shoved the phone in Eddie’s direction before he could second guess what he was doing. Eddie looked it over, having to steady Buck’s hand so he could read it. Buck could feel the colour rising in his face, but Eddie just nodded.

“Is it okay? Can you… I mean, is it enough for you?”

“When was the last time you were tested?”

“After Taylor. All clear.”

“Me too. Lady H insists on it.”

“Okay, that’s good. So are we gonna…?”

“I’ll give you a two minute head start, but I want you kneeling naked by your bed by the time I get in there. Understood?”

Buck nodded.

“I need to hear it, Buck.”

“Yes, Eddie. I understand.”

Eddie locked the door behind him, and took a deep breath. He shouldn’t be doing this, not like this anyway. If he was going to do another scene with Buck, he should have carefully planned it out, and talked to Buck about what his limits were. His list had been a good start, and he was grateful he had at least that much to work with, but there were follow up questions he should have asked. But he’d left it too long. He was hanging on to his self control by his fingernails at this point, and he didn’t want a random sub from the club, he wanted Buck. He wanted him badly enough that he’d take stupid risks just to have him.

He forced himself to take the stairs slowly, allowing Buck to come into view slowly, step by step. He’d followed his instructions to the letter, and the sight of him naked and waiting for him was breathtaking. He was holding perfectly still, but for the rapid rise and fall of his chest, and his straining erection forced Eddie to accept that maybe Buck did want this, that all Eddie’s warnings had done nothing to put him off.

Buck looked up at him, before blushing and averting his gaze to the floor.

“It’s okay, Buck. You can look at me.”

He watched as Eddie peeled off his shirt, his mouth falling open just a little.

“I want you to keep your eyes on me.”

Buck nodded, as Eddie crouched down so their faces were on the same level. He traced Buck’s birthmark with his fingers, something he’d always longed to do, and Buck shivered at his touch, his eyelids drooping. Eddie grabbed his hair and pulled it roughly.

“Eyes on me.” Buck’s eyes flew open, but they were already a little glassy. He was already starting to sink under.

 “Last chance to change your mind. Give me your colour.”

Buck didn’t hesitate. “Green. So fucking fucking green.”

Eddie didn’t need a list to tell him that Buck craved praise, and the words came easily.

“You’re doing so well for me, Buck. Doing everything I tell you. You’re gonna make me feel so good, give me just what I need, aren’t you?”

“I’ll do anything for you, Eddie.”

Fuck, those were dangerous words, but it felt good to hear them, and even better to know Buck meant them. He released Buck’s hair, and straightened up. He was so unprepared for this. At the club each room was well stocked with everything he’d need for a scene and aftercare, but he’d just have to improvise. 

The nightstand seemed the most likely place to find lube at least, but when he opened the drawer he was pleasantly surprised to find not only that, but a small selection of toys and some handcuffs. As a single guy with no kids, Buck didn’t have to resort to elaborate hiding places. Eddie double checked that the cuffs had a key, and that they functioned as they should, finding they were good quality, if not quite up to police standards. He tried not to think about who had put these on Buck’s wrists before him.

He heard Buck’s sharp intake of breath as Eddie approached with the cuffs, and stood behind him. He ran his hands from Buck’s shoulders, down over his arms to his wrists, letting the cool metal of the cuffs trail against his heated skin. Buck’s breathing was ragged, but he let Eddie move his hands behind his back with no resistance, all his hard earned muscle neutralised by nothing more than Eddie’s touch.

He stood in front of Buck, making sure he maintained eye contact, as he slowly unbuckled his belt, pulling it free and coiling it up carefully before placing it on the bed. Buck stared at it wide eyed for a moment, but then his eyes snapped back to Eddie’s. Eddie allowed it, not berating him for such a minor infraction, because he could see how hard Buck was trying. His eyes dropped to watch Eddie unfasten his jeans, and technically his eyes were still on him, and he hadn’t specified what part of Eddie he needed to look at. The look of pure want on his face when he saw him pull out his cock was perfection.

Eddie stepped forward, but prevented Buck from getting his mouth on him by grabbing his hair and holding him back as he stroked his cock just inches from his face. Buck whined in protest.

“Beg for it.”

“Eddie, please… let me taste you.”

“Is that all you want? Just a taste?”

Buck tried to shake his head despite the painful grip Eddie had on his hair.

“No, I want it all. I want you in my mouth. I want to suck you, make you feel good. I’ll be so good for you, Eddie.”

“You want me to fuck your mouth?”

“Yes!”

“Then say it..”

“Please! Please fuck my mouth. Use me. Just please give me your cock. I need you to…”

Eddie tilted his head back, and started feeding his cock into his mouth, but when Buck moaned, his eyes falling shut, Eddie pulled back and slapped him hard across the face.

“I want to see your eyes, Buck.”

“I’m sorry. Please, I’ll be good.”

Maybe he should have checked in with Buck, asked for his colour, but he’d seen Buck’s lists, and his cheek was turning a beautiful shade of pink where he’d hit him. He had to trust that Buck would safeword if he needed to. He could see Buck was almost as desperate for this as he was.

Buck’s eyes stayed locked on his as he slid his cock back into his mouth. He didn’t manage to go slow for very long, not when he was faced with Buck’s blissed out gaze and those soft lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him into the wet heat of his mouth. He cupped his hands around the back of Buck’s head, preventing him from pulling away as he thrust deeper, until Buck was gagging, swallowing and trying to open up to allow Eddie deeper. His eyes were streaming, saliva running down his chin, but every time Eddie pulled back, allowing him an unobstructed breath, Buck took a quick gasp of air and went back for more.

“Fuck, you look so good like this. You were made for this. Feel perfect choking on my cock while I make a mess of you.”

The praise only made Buck redouble his efforts, and as tempting as it was to unload down his throat, Eddie wasn’t going to stop at a blow job. Reluctantly he pulled back, thumbing the tears streaming down Buck’s face away as he fought to catch his breath. Buck leaned into his touch, his beautiful blue eyes pleading with him.

“Please Eddie, I don’t want you to stop.”

“Shh, you did so well for me, Buck. So perfect. We’re not stopping. I’m nowhere near done with you yet.”

He stroked Buck’s hair, letting him lean into him as they both calmed down a little. These tender moments never happened in a scene with a stranger when everything was planned out and agreed in advance. He’d never let himself have this connection with Ana either. Maybe it would have been there if he looked for it, but with Buck it was right there, a pure, silent conversation with their bodies that didn’t require verbal checkins. He praised Buck because he deserved it and needed it, but also because he couldn’t help it. Buck was perfect, and he wasn’t going to give him anything less than everything he needed.

“Stand up for me.”

Buck’s balance was off, and when Eddie gripped his arm to help him up, he caught him flinching.

“He hurt you.” Anger burned through his veins, at the doorman for manhandling Buck, but also at himself for not checking him for injuries.

“It’s nothing. Just a little twinge.”

“It’s not nothing.” Eddie grabbed the key from the nightstand and removed the cuffs. “I’m not going to put unnecessary stress on an injured joint. I will hurt you, but I will not injure you.”

“You promise?” Buck smiled, batting his eyelashes as if it were a joke, but he was far too breathless to really carry it off.

“If I can’t restrain you, you will have to do what you’re told. Think you can manage that?”

Buck nodded.

“Use words, Buck.”

“I promise, I’ll be good.”

“If you’re not, I will stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop.”

“I know, baby.” He hadn’t meant that term of endearment to slip out, but he couldn’t really regret it, not when Buck’s eyes lit up like that. He held Buck’s face in his hands, stroking his lower lip with his thumb. God, he wanted to kiss him, but there were already so many blurred boundaries between them, neither of them were really sure what this was. He could feel that Buck wanted to kiss, to fall into what this had the potential to be, but they were both too needy to be completely rational right now. If Eddie let them fall, there would be no way back to who they used to be. Maybe this was a one off. Buck could have the pick of any dom he wanted, but right now he felt indebted to one who needed him and was too strung out to do anything but take him regardless of consequences.

Buck’s tongue peeked out, sliding over the sensitive pad of Eddie’s thumb. Eddie thrust it deeper, into his mouth, and Buck obediently sucked on it. How did he do that? Take even the slightest little gesture and make it both unbearably sweet and simultaneously a challenge? It was dangerously provocative, and pure Buck, a tease, begging Eddie to take full control and put him in his place.

Eddie pulled his hand away, and Buck pouted in protest. He needed to take him down hard.

“Get on the bed. Face down, ass up.”

Buck flushed furiously as he got into position.

“Spread your cheeks. Show me your hole.”

Buck whimpered, but again did as he was told.

Pride and exhilaration bloomed in Eddie’s chest. Having control over someone of Buck’s size and strength was a high unlike any other, and beneath it was the rush of all the complicated emotions he had for the man himself. It was an intoxicating combination, and Buck was unbearably beautiful. He wished he had the skill to capture Buck’s beauty on paper, but he could spend the rest of his life sketching and nothing would come close to accurately representing a single line or curve of his body.

He let himself stare for a moment, before returning to the drawer in the nightstand to retrieve the lube. He looked over the toys, hesitating over which plug to choose. One wasn’t much thicker than a finger and was a gaudy shade of pink. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Taylor had something to do with it. It would be easier on Buck to use the pink one first, and work up to the larger metal one, which seemed more Buck’s style, but he wasn’t here to take things easy on Buck.

He placed the metal plug on the bed, within Buck’s line of sight just to see what his reaction would be. His eyes widened, and he swallowed nervously.

“I’ve never actually managed to-”

“You’re going to take it today. For me.”

Buck bit his lip and nodded.

Eddie poured some lube directly onto Buck’s hole, smiling as it made him flinch. He could feel the nervousness radiating off Buck, but he didn’t utter a word of protest. Eddie rubbed his thumb, the same one Buck had been sucking on earlier, against the puckered ring of muscle in slow firm circles. He felt Buck relax into his touch, but he didn’t let his thumb dip any deeper. Buck got restless, trying to push back, to make him slip inside, but Eddie just slid his thumb away, only resuming when Buck settled down. Eventually Buck begged for it, as he knew he would.

Buck moaned when Eddie finally worked it inside him, but his relief was short lived when Eddie just let it sit there, pushed all the way in while his fingers fanned out at the base of his spine. The begging came much more quickly this time.

“Please Eddie, I need more…”

Eddie rotated his wrist and pressed down hard on Buck’s prostate. Buck gave out a breathy cry that turned into a whimper when Eddie withdrew. He was so responsive. Eddie could have kept up the slow tease of opening him up, drawing it out for hours as Buck pleaded with him, but there was so much he wanted to do to him, and this may be his only chance. Still, he didn’t rush as he worked his way up to three fingers, using almost excessive amounts of lube, and making sure to avoid Buck’s sweet spot as much as possible.

Buck was trying so hard to hold still, to just accept what Eddie was taking his own sweet time doing to him, but it obviously wasn’t easy. Precum was streaming from his cock onto the sheets beneath him, and his arms were shaking with the effort of keeping himself spread open for Eddie.

Three fingers was probably enough for Buck to take the plug and still feel the stretch of his body having to accommodate it. He poured lube over its tip, avoiding warming it with his hands so Buck would feel the chill of the metal before it warmed to his body temperature. Buck hissed a sharp intake of breath when it touched his skin, and Eddie began pushing against his hole in little thrusts, each one working it a little deeper. Buck groaned as each movement opened him up a little more on the cold, unforgiving metal. When Eddie had it worked into the widest point, he let it slide out, before beginning the process again.

“Fuck! Eddie, just put it in! I can take it… just stick it in me, please…”

“If you could see what I see, your greedy hole trying to suck it into you…”

Buck whined, and it was such a beautiful, desperate little sound, that Eddie rewarded him by letting the plug sink all the way in for a moment before slowly pulling it out again. Watching his body try to cling to it was almost as sweet as the broken sound it drew out of Buck. His hands finally lost their grip on his cheeks, and he grabbed at the sheets, his whole body shaking, as Eddie pushed it back inside him and let it settle there.

“I didn’t say you could move. Is your shoulder okay?”

Buck nodded. Eddie didn’t push him for a verbal answer because he wasn’t sure if he would manage one.

“Reach up and hold onto the headboard. Do not let go. I need you to be good for me, Buck. Can you do that?”

Again, Buck nodded.

Eddie was aware how sensitive Buck was to perceived failure, so he decided against framing what he was going to next as punishment for moving when he wasn’t supposed to. Truthfully, he was going to do it regardless of Buck’s actions.

Buck had a beautiful ass, muscular but retaining just the right amount of give. Eddie ran his hands over the fullness of it, thumbing the base of the plug nestled between his cheeks. Right now it was all his.

He got up from the bed, stripping what remained of his clothes, then made Buck turn his head to the side to face him. Buck looked up at him, a little glassy eyed, his lips parted and his breathing slightly laboured. He hadn’t quite sunk down as Eddie knew he could go, but he would get him there soon. He stroked his fingers through Buck’s sweaty hair, trying to burn this image of him onto his memory for however long it would have to sustain him.

“Do I need to remind you of your safewords?”

He was expecting a nod, but Buck dragged up a hoarse: “No, Eddie.”

“What’s your colour now?”

“Green.”

“And if that changes?”

“Red.”

Eddie stroked his hair one more time before letting his hand continue down Buck’s spine until it settled on his ass.

Buck’s whole body felt like a live wire, every nerve just crackling with the potential to spark, and all of Eddie’s actions were performed with such care that his insides were a molten mess of helpless awe. Even when Eddie been roughly fucking his way down his throat further than Buck had ever managed to take anyone before, his hands cradled his head like it was something precious, reminding him to breathe when Buck stopped caring about anything but Eddie’s pleasure. Buck had felt small and insignificant staring up at Eddie, like someone seeing the night sky over the desert for the first time, realising that the stars went on and on, infinite, beautiful, and beyond their grasp. But Eddie was reaching for him, and that was as incredible as being lifted up to fly amongst the stars.

He’d come crashing back down when Eddie removed the cuffs, terrified that he had realised that Buck wasn’t worth his attention.The slight ache in his shoulder would have been long forgotten if Eddie hadn’t reminded him. Buck liked the cuffs, but he didn’t need them, not when he had Eddie’s voice. 

Getting on the bed, putting himself on display like that, made his doubts creep back in. He must look ridiculous, a guy of his size flashing his asshole as if the sight of it was in any way sexy or alluring. At Eddie’s feet he’d felt comfortable in his own skin, but that feeling of being too large, too clumsy was back again. When Eddie put the metal plug on the bed, he knew he was going to let Eddie down. When Eddie said he would take it, he wanted to believe he could, for him, but he just couldn’t see it happening.

He tried to hold still, to let Eddie attempt the impossible, but then… all his thoughts melted away as Eddie worked him open so damn slowly that he lost his mind. By the time he was fucking Buck with the plug, it was all just inevitable. It felt right that Eddie had been the one to put it inside him, leaving it nudged up against his prostate, staking his claim.

He was deep in that safe space Eddie had taken him to that first time in front of the couch, but instead of drifting aimlessly, he focused on his connection to Eddie, not wanting to miss a thing. He watched Eddie strip off the rest of his clothes, taking in the sculpted lines of his body, the dusting of body hair, and so much skin that his fingers ached to touch it all. He gripped the rungs of the headboard more tightly. He would be good. Eddie stroked his hair again, and Buck had no idea how he’d picked up on how much he liked his hair being touched. Whether it was gently combing his fingers through it or yanking on it, it didn’t matter, either was good. The attention heated something deep in his gut, making him feel wanted and seen.

When Eddie’s hand drifted down his back, Buck’s hole clenched around the plug, sending a jolt of pleasure through his body as it shifted. He was perfectly positioned like this, and he held his breath, waiting, hoping, wishing that he’d had the courage to tell Eddie exactly what he craved instead of letting him glance for a few seconds at a stupid list. Time seemed to stand still in the split second between hearing the crack and feeling the sting bloom across his skin as Eddie’s hand came down on his ass.

There was no shame, just relief as Eddie’s hand came down harder, again and again, igniting his nerve endings in rolling waves of pleasure-pain, and every now and then his finger tips would catch the base of the plug, driving him closer to the edge.. He squirmed, he cried and begged Eddie to let him cum, but Eddie was relentless.

“You don’t cum until I tell you to.”

“No! I can’t… I need…fuck…”

“You can. You can wait.”

“Eddie! Stop, please stop… I can’t…”

“You can.”

And because Eddie told him he could hold on, he could. Just as Eddie promised, all cries of ‘no’ and ‘stop’ were ignored, so he could protest all he wanted, and Eddie wouldn’t take this away from him. He wasn’t sinking under now, he was soaring up high and free, like Eddie had spanked his soul right out of his body.

Eddie wound down, slowing until he was just stroking over Buck’s heated flesh. Buck noticed that the pillow beneath him was soaked with his tears and probably a little snot, but he’d held on. His balls were full and aching, and his cock was so hard it hurt, but he’d done what Eddie had asked of him, and the feeling of pride and satisfaction was better than any fleeting orgasm. He felt whole and safe. He felt like he belonged.

“You did beautifully. You took it so well. Such a good boy for me.”

Those words reached straight into Buck’s chest and lodged in his heart, a validation he didn’t know he’d been pining for his entire life. He was done. Whatever happened next, wherever life took them, he was Eddie’s now. Even if Eddie would never want to do anything like this ever again, it wouldn’t matter, everything he was and ever would be was now in Eddie’s hands.

Buck sighed happily as Eddie continued murmuring soft words of praise, letting them wash over him. Even his shitty self esteem gave up the fight, as Eddie told him over and over in different ways that he was beautiful, and that he was so proud of him for being so good. He’d almost forgotten about the plug until Eddie started gently working it free from his body. The stretch of it coming out again was a delicious counterpoint to his throbbing cheeks, but then it was gone, and he felt so empty, alone and disoriented.

But then Eddie was there, prying his hands away from the headboard, rolling him onto his side, curling his body around Buck’s and pulling him back against his chest.

“Shh, sweetheart. I’m here.”

“I need… I need…”

“I know, amor.”

Eddie drew up Buck’s leg towards his chest, guilding his cock to Buck’s emptiness, and Buck moaned as his body gave way, welcoming him in. Eddie held him, hips rocking slow but deep as he thrust in and out, so sweet and careful. Sex had never been like this for Buck, so hot and intimate and all consuming that he never wanted it to end. He’d been so close to climax for so long that it shouldn’t have taken much to send him tumbling over the edge, but somehow Eddie was keeping him there, balanced on a knife edge but not letting him fall. It was exquisite agony, and completely out of Buck’s control.

Eddie's breath was hot and ragged against his ear, and his familiar scent was tinged with sweat and sex, reminding him that it was his best friend who was balls deep in his ass, hot and hard, keeping him on the edge of ecstasy. Eddie had said the word perfect to him plenty of times that night, but this was the real deal, right here. Or at least he thought it was until Eddie started fucking him harder and faster, nailing his sweet spot, and the word had a whole new definition as his hand wrapped around Buck’s cock and matched it’s motions to his thrusts.

The sounds Buck were making now weren’t even human any more, but it wasn’t until Eddie spoke that he finally crested that wave.

“Cum for me, Buck.”

Eddie’s words released him, and his body convulsed as he came and came, like it was never going to end. He felt Eddie’s body tense, Buck’s name on his lips, as he emptied himself inside him, still fucking them both through it until Buck’s vision whited out.

Eddie clung to Buck, unable to move away as he struggled to catch his breath, Buck was completely out of it, unresponsive to Eddie calling his name, so he could have this moment a little longer before the real world intruded on their bubble.

Fuck, he was so unprepared for this. It wasn’t just the lack of supplies to help Buck rehydrate and even out his blood sugar to avoid a crash after a scene, it was the fact that he was so completely in over his head. 

He was in love with Buck. 

He couldn’t deny it after he followed up such an incredible scene by making love to Buck. Not just fucking, actually baring his heart, getting high on the scent of him, tender love making. He thought if they didn’t do it face to face, he’d somehow manage to depersonalise things a little, but with Buck turned away from him, he could just pour all his love into him without Buck being able to see on his face just how fucked he was.

He knew Buck felt responsible for his breakup with Ana, and in hindsight Eddie could see why she never had a chance. Buck felt bad enough about it that he had followed him to make sure he wasn’t drinking again, like Eddie’s welfare was his responsibility, and maybe this was all tonight was, fulfilling a perceived responsibility. He could never really know why Buck was so desperate to keep him out of the clubs. It could just be that most places did serve alcohol, and he wanted Eddie to be safe from temptation.

If only they’d talked first, before they’d confirmed how compatible they were. Buck would want to do this again, but Eddie wasn’t sure if he could if Buck didn’t feel the same. He saw what a one sided relationship did to Ana, and he didn’t ever want to make Buck feel as shitty as he did having to walk away from her. The thought of Buck staying just to be kind, and losing out on finding someone he really loved was just as bad.

Given his luck when it came to relationships, what were the odds that Buck could love him back?

Buck stirred, making a happy humming noise,

“Hey,” Eddie said softly, resisting the urge to roll him over and cover his face with kisses.

Buck turned over on his own, snuggling into Eddie’s chest, with his arm wrapped around Eddie’s waist.

“Eddie.”

“Yeah?”

“My Eddie.”

His heart skipped a beat, but he reminded himself that Buck was still out of his gourd on endorphins. It might not mean a thing in the cold light of day.

“How are you doing?”

“Warm. Safe. Happy.”

Those were the words of a blissed out sub. Eddie would treasure this moment as long as it lasted. There might not be another.

“I didn’t go too rough on you, did I?”

“God, no. You were perfect. Although…”

“Although what?”

“I was kinda hoping you’d use the belt?”

Eddie closed his eyes, trying desperately to dredge up some self control, but the words still sipped out. “Maybe next time.”

“Awesome.”

Chapter Text

They never did have that much needed conversation. Eddie held Buck until he reluctantly let him get up and find a washcloth to clean them up. Buck gave up the location of his secret candy stash, and Eddie fed him Reece’s Pieces, and bullied him into drinking a bottle of water. Buck asked him to stay the night, but Eddie lied and said he promised Carla he wouldn’t stay out too late. Buck looked so disappointed that he caved, and said he would stay until Buck fell asleep. It didn’t take long before Buck’s eyelids got heavy, and he drifted off with a smile on his lips as Eddie stroked his hair.

Eddie didn’t leave right away. He stayed there watching him sleep, wondering how the hell he’d been so blind to the fact that he’d been falling for Buck since the day they met.

Eventually he did get dressed, but he left his belt on Buck’s nightstand. He told himself it was so that Buck would see it and remember what they had done, but deep down he knew it was a promise of sorts.

He drove home reliving every moment in his head, remembering the way Buck looked and felt, and all the helpless noises he’d wrung out of him. Eddie had never even fucked another man like that before tonight, but with Buck everything was so intuitive he hadn’t even doubted himself.

Carla looked up and smiled when he let himself back into the house.

“Well, someone’s had a good evening.”

Eddie hadn’t so much as glanced in a mirror since leaving Buck’s, and it didn’t even occur to him to shower first. He must reek of sex, and although Carla knew exactly what his plans for the evening had been, he felt irrationally embarrassed now that it was the aftermath of his scene with Buck she was witnessing. Thankfully she just gave a little chuckle, packing up her things and leaving without asking him about his night.

Like the coward that he was, Eddie waited for Buck to reach out first, but when he did, it was just to send him a picture of him posing with a cute dog, with the caption: Made a new friend on my run today!

Eddie didn’t know what to make of it.

Eventually he replied: Please tell me you didn’t try to keep it.

Buck replied: trust me i tried

On their next shift together, it was like nothing had changed. Buck was his usual sunny self, and Eddie wasn’t sure what he felt. Disappointed? Frustrated? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but after his private epiphany he felt like something should be different. It was good that it wasn’t, in that it made it easier to just go on like nothing ever happened, but shouldn’t they at least talk about what it all meant?

He knew he was on borrowed time. Sooner or later one of them would crack and need to scene, and he couldn’t help but hope that it would be Buck coming to him. He had his doubts though, watching Buck flirt with every pretty little thing he came into contact with. He wondered if Buck’s preference was really for women, but then he’d flash back to the night they spent together, and all the needy little sounds he made wrapped around Eddie’s dick, and that bastard flame of hope inside him reignited.

When Buck did finally initiate a scene again, it was reckless, could have resulted in disciplinary action, but so fucking necessary he couldn’t even be angry about it.

Eddie was silently seething all the way back to the firehouse. The family was safe and mostly unhurt, the fire was out, but it all could have ended very differently if they weren’t all so damn good at their jobs. His team was well aware of Eddie’s silent fury bubbling away, and understood why this call had gotten under his skin, so there was none of the usual easy conversation on the drive back. Eddie avoided meeting Buck’s worried gaze. He just had to keep a lid on it until the end of the shift.

He stormed off as soon as he jumped down from the engine, and Bobby let him go, even though there was work to do. He couldn’t face even looking at another human being right now, and the showers were as good a place as any to hide. Of course Buck followed him.

“Hey.”

Buck stood watching him warily, and suddenly Eddie couldn’t help but start spewing out what had been going around and around in his head.

“They just fucking left her! They saved their own asses and just left her there when they knew she couldn’t get out on her own!”

“I know.”

“Who fucking does that? They didn’t even try to carry her out! And what were they thinking? That was a fourth floor apartment. Did they even consider how they could get her out of there in an emergency?”

“People get used to using an elevator. They forget that they can’t use it in a fire. Don’t even consider that it could be compromised.”

“But what kind of parent leaves their daughter in her wheelchair all alone in the middle of a fucking fire?”

“A scared one. A shitty one. I don’t fucking know, but we got her out. She’s safe, just a little smoke inhalation that-”

“Except for the fact that she knows her own parents were ready to just let her burn!”

“And that fucking sucks, but we did our job, Eds. She’s safe.”

Eddie knew all that, but he just couldn’t comprehend how someone could run out of a burning building and leave any child behind, let alone their own. The fact that the kid had mobility issues hit a little too close to home. The idea of anyone leaving Christopher behind in a dangerous situation because he couldn’t keep up was always a constant low grade worry, but it had now flared back up into a raging panic he couldn’t shake.

“Fuck!”

He went back to pacing because he really wanted to hit something and his only option was Buck or a wall. He should have headed to the heavy bag to punch this all out of his system. The click of Buck engaging the lock on the door to the shower room caught his attention.

“What are you doing?”

“Whatever you tell me to. Whatever you need.”

“Buck, we can’t. Not here.”

“We’ve probably got fifteen minutes tops, so I suggest you don’t argue.”

Buck was already stripping off his own clothes, and with a resigned sigh, Eddie did the same. There was a slim chance that if anyone tried to open the door they could play it off as them both showering at the same time. It was unlikely anyone would fall for it, as if the door magically locked itself, but a little plausible deniability was better than none.

Time wasn’t the only limitation Eddie was working with. They had to be quiet and he couldn’t leave any marks. He’d have to be careful not to trigger Buck’s low self esteem, but his voice was one of the few tools he had at his disposal, so he’d damn well use it.

“Now show me what a good whore you are and get on your knees.”

Buck’s eyes widened, color rising in his cheeks, and he dropped to his knees so fast that it must have hurt when they hit the floor. Eddie knew they’d have to be fast, but Buck submitting so quickly was an unexpected gift.

Eddie started stroking his cock. Just watching Buck kneel for him was enough to get him rock hard, but he was far less interested in getting off than he was in what he could do to Buck. Eddie rolled his shoulders and cricked his neck, his body releasing some of its tension now he was in control of the situation. It didn’t change a thing about what happened on the call, but it took that feeling of helpless despair away, and gave him back his sense of agency.

“You’re desperate for it, aren’t you?” Eddie asked, his voice low and dangerous. “Just the thought of a man’s cum coating your tongue, dripping down that pretty face.”

Buck nodded, and Eddie was reassured at the way his cock was hard and leaking, pressed against his belly. His hands twitched against his thighs, but Eddie knew he wouldn’t touch himself without his permission.

“I hope you don’t expect me to do anything about that.” He nodded towards Buck’s dick, and allowed himself a smirk.

Buck’s cock twitched, like a silent plea to be touched. Denying him his orgasm was tempting, but there was no way he could walk around for the rest of the shift like that.

“Take care of it. Go on. Jerk yourself off, but make it quick. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Buck slowly grasped his dick, staring up at Eddie as if waiting for there to be a catch. 

God, he’s so beautiful.

“Go on. It would be a shame to waste it.” Buck started jerking off in earnest, his eyes darting between his face and Eddie’s hand slowly working his own cock over. “You’ve already wasted enough time running around chasing pussy, pretending to be something you’re not. But I know what you are, Buck. You’re a cockslut. You’re a cockslut for me and only me.”

Buck bit his lip, his hand working faster as the other cupped his balls.

“You’re so hungry for it. You know your place is on your knees for me, my cock fucking your throat. You’re a natural born cocksucker.”

Buck whined. He was getting close.

“You’re so good at it. Choking yourself on my cock like a good little whore. You like it almost as much as spreading your legs for me, and letting me use that tight little hole. I don’t think you really care how, as long as you are stuffed full of my cock. How’s your hole now, Buck? Aching to be filled as usual?”

Buck was right on the edge, but he was waiting for Eddie to tell him he could cum.

“Please…” It was barely more than a rough whisper. 

“I don’t even need to hear you beg, I can see it written all over you, can smell it on you, how much you want to be used.”

Buck’s whole body was tense and flushed, and if he bit down on his lip any harder he’d draw blood.

“Do it. Cum for me, Buck.”

His mouth gaped in a silent scream as his release shot out of him, streaking over his hand and his chest, dripping onto the tiled floor. Some of it even reached Eddie, landing on the top of his bare foot.

“Clean that up. Looks like you’ll get your taste after all.”

Buck blinked up at him, dazed and panting, and licked his fingers clean. He looked completely debauched, but at the same time so innocent, as if he was doing nothing more than licking ice cream that had dripped from its cone on a hot day.

“All of it, Buck.”

He collected what had landed on his chest next, scooping it up and licking it from his fingers.

Eddie wondered how far he would go, and he had to squeeze the base of his cock when Buck leaned down and started licking his mess from the floor too. He followed the trail to Eddie’s feet, and when he felt his tongue stroking over his skin, Eddie snapped, grabbing his hair, tilting his head back.

“Such a good boy.”

Buck looked up at him, pupils still blown wide with lust, his mouth hanging open as Eddie jerked off onto his upturned face. It only took a few strokes before Eddie’s cum was streaking his cheeks and lips, and falling onto his tongue. Buck licked at what he could reach, and still shaking from the aftershocks, Eddie smeared the tip of his cock over the rest and fed it to him. Buck gratefully sucked and licked him clean, then rested his head against Eddie’s thigh.

“Thank you, Eddie.”

His head was swimming with the rush of his orgasm, and the fact that Buck had just licked his own cum from the floor with minimal prompting, and then fucking thanked him for it. He didn’t deserve such devotion, but there was no time to savor it.

“You did so well for me, sweetheart, but we need to get cleaned up properly now.”

He  got the water running, helped Buck to his feet and guided him into the shower stall. Buck let out a happy little hum as Eddie washed his hair. Eddie let him have a minute just leaning into him as he soaped them both up and let the spray rinse the suds away.

“Hey, you need to come back to me now, Buck.”

Buck tried to bury his face in Eddie’s neck, so he cupped his face and forced him to meet his eyes.

“I wish I could let you float away for a little while, amor, but we are at the firehouse and any minute now the rest of the team are going to be banging on that door, wanting to use the shower.”

Buck frowned, trying to decipher Eddie’s words but not quite getting it.

“Buck, you don’t want to make Bobby mad, do you?”

That did the trick. Buck shook his head, and his eyes snapped back into focus.

“Fuck.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Sorry, I was gone for a minute there. You okay? Feeling calmer?”

“Yeah, you did great. Thank you.”

Buck ducked his head and smiled. “Yeah so, um. We better…”

“Shit!”

“What?”

“Neither of us actually grabbed towels on the way in, did we?”

“Fuck. No, we didn’t.”

They stared at each other in horror.

“It’s okay. I’ll just make a dash for it in my underwear,” Eddie said. “Can’t be the first time some idiot has forgotten to grab their towel right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Buck said doubtfully, trying not to laugh.

“It’s not funny, Buck,” Eddie said, grinning back at him helplessly.

“No, of course not.”

They were both snickering as Eddie dried himself off a little with his shirt so that he could slide back into his boxers. He unlocked the door as quietly as possible, but as soon as he opened it just a crack to see if the coast was clear, he spotted the towels that had been left for them on the floor. He grabbed them and closed the door.

“We are so busted.”

“I guess that depends on who left them,” Buck said, taking one and drying himself off before wrapping it around his waist, and scooping up their discarded clothes.

The locker room was empty, so they redressed quickly and went to face the music.

Chim and Hen were in the kitchen, bickering over whose turn it was to load the dishwasher next.

“Coffee?” Buck offered, heading straight for the pot.

Eddie nodded. Chim lost the argument, taking Hen’s empty cup and putting it along with his own in the dishwasher. It didn’t seem likely that either of them were responsible for the towels, but then again Chim winked at him, so maybe they got lucky.

He sipped his coffee, trying to ignore that it was still too hot, and doing his best impression of a man who hadn’t been jizzing all over his best friend’s face at work only ten minutes ago. But then Bobby walked in, his face unreadable.

“Eddie, I need a word.”

The look he shared with Buck would have given them away, but Bobby was already heading to his office, and Hen and Chim were suspiciously looking elsewhere. Eddie left his coffee and tried not to look guilty as he followed Bobby.

As soon as Bobby closed the door behind him, Eddie blurted out, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Bobby groaned. “Well there goes my speech. I had it all planned out. It was full of pointed looks and questions about whether we needed to replace the faulty lock on the shower room door.”

“But there’s nothing wrong with the lock though.”

“Well, yes. We’d both know that, but we could have pretended.”

“The towels would be a bit hard to explain though.”

“True. So, you and Buck.”

“It’s, uh, new.”

“It’s not a problem. You know that. It just can’t happen here.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

”I know why it was a rough call for you. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m good now. Thanks.”

“Well, I’m just going assume that was thanks to a nice hot shower and nothing more. Go put Buck out of his misery. No one’s getting written up tonight.”

“Thanks, Cap.”

The rest of the shift passed in a surreal haze. Again. He’d dommed Buck again, and with even less discussion about it than last time. He saw that Eddie needed him, and he offered himself up with no hesitation. Using degrading language wasn’t on either of Buck’s lists, so he’d taken a bit of a risk there, but instinct told him that as long as he used an approving tone it would probably be okay. Buck hadn’t thought twice about licking his cum from the floor, and it wasn’t an image Eddie could afford to dwell on in public. The power Buck had over him was just as strong as what he handed over to Eddie. The way Buck looked at him in a scene, like he was having some kind of religious experience… Not even Ana had looked at him like that. It had to mean something, right?

But Buck had such a huge capacity to be selfless. He was the best friend Eddie had ever had. Of course he would help Eddie if he could.

Eddie had to be more careful though. A lot of doms would act possessively in a scene, but what he’d said to Buck revealed more than he’d meant to. His insecurity about Buck’s history with women was obvious, but maybe Buck was too out of it to even take it in. They hadn’t even discussed if what they were doing was actually a thing, let alone if they were exclusive. He had no real claim on Buck.

How’s your hole now, Buck? Aching to be filled as usual?”

Eddie had no idea just how true those words were. 

Every night since that scene in his bedroom had ended with Buck trying to relive just a fraction of what Eddie had done to him. Just using his fingers wasn’t enough, and although he usually worked his way up to using the metal plug, he could never quite fuck himself on it the way Eddie had. The angle was all wrong, and he couldn’t maintain a good enough grip on it with fingers that were slick with lube. At least once he got it in, he could imagine that it was Eddie who put it there.

Soon the plug wasn’t enough either. He bought himself a dildo. Taylor had taken all of hers with her, and they were all an alarming shade of pink anyway. He chose one that was supposed to look and feel lifelike, and there was something reassuring about the weight of it, but calling the silicone lifelike was a bit of a stretch. He took to using the plug as soon as he got home, and making himself wait for hours, aroused and hyper aware of it every time he moved, fantasizing about Eddie catching him wearing it. He’d be ready for him then, and Eddie could just pull it out and fuck him, whenever, wherever. Maybe he’d slide it back in when he was done, so Buck could walk around with his cum still inside him. 

Only when he couldn’t hold out any longer would he give himself any relief, fucking himself with a fake dick and pretending it was Eddie.

He’d never really been bothered one way or another when it came to ass play before. Taylor had liked it, but mostly for the power trip it gave her, so she had enjoyed it more if Buck wasn’t really into it. Looking back, she hadn’t put much effort into making it feel good for him, but then again they both knew he was just humoring her. The handful of times he’d fooled around with other men, it had mostly been oral. If they did fuck, Buck always ended up topping because he was wary of putting himself in what he always saw as the more vulnerable position. He liked topping, but the thought of doing that with Eddie felt almost sacrilegious to even consider. Besides, he was far too obsessed with all the different ways Eddie could fuck him.

So, yeah, his ass was aching to be filled. All the damn time. But he would wait until Eddie needed him, because that seemed to be the only time he would consider it, and even then Buck had to be the one to push for it. All Eddie had initiated on his own was that first time he told Buck to kneel for him, but Eddie knew what he craved. Fuck, he’d spelled it out in the shower room. He knew he could have Buck anytime he wanted, he just never took him up on it.

Chapter Text

Buck was in one of those weird fidgety moods that made Eddie wonder about him having ADHD. They were on their way to pick Christopher up from school, having promised him a trip to the arcade that had a new game he was obsessed with. Buck had been saving up change in anticipation, but even Buck wouldn’t get this excited over a trip to the arcade. He didn’t have that slightly vacant look he’d had when he needed to be pulled out of his thoughts, but there was definitely something going on.

“Quit it.” Eddie slapped Buck’s hand away from the stereo when he reached to change the radio station for the fifth time in as many minutes. He glanced over to check Buck’s reaction, only to see he was still fidgeting, only this time picking at a loose thread hanging from the seam of his jeans.

“What is up with you today?” Eddie asked.

“You ever get an intrusive thought about doing something, and it just won’t leave you alone until you do it?”

He thought of the moan Buck made as he buried his dick inside him for the first time, and lied. “Not really.”

“Well, I can’t shake it off.”

Eddie knew he shouldn’t ask.

“Well can’t you just do it?”

Buck bit his lip. “I could. But not right now.”

Eddie sighed. “Do I even want to know?”

“That’s part of the problem. I don’t know.”

“For fucksake, Buck. I’m worried now. Just spit it out!”

Buck chuckled. “Yeah, I’d much rather swallow. I want to suck your cock so bad, you have no idea.”

Somehow Eddie managed not to total the car.

“Buck! You can’t just say shit like that! Especially not when I’m driving.”

“Sorry. You did ask though. And don’t worry, I’m not crazy enough to attempt giving you road head.”

Great, now Eddie had that image in his head.

“Look, we need to talk before we do anything else.” It was shitty timing. They didn’t really have the time to get into it when they were only minutes away from Christopher’s school, but at least Eddie could establish that they were going to talk about this at some point.

“Yeah, I’ve got questions.”

Eddie thought that was it, that there was an unspoken agreement to schedule this discussion for a time when they weren’t just about to spend the next few hours with Christopher.

“I mean, are you against kissing your subs? Is that a thing for you?”

Fuck fuck fuck…

“It…er… wasn’t on your lists.” It was a ridiculous excuse, but the best Eddie could come up with.

“Neither was calling me a whore or a cocksucker, but look how well that turned out.”

Eddie glanced at him, to check that he wasn’t being sarcastic, but Buck gave him a shit eating grin that was really not helping with the situation going on in his pants right now.

“You liked that, huh?”

“Yeah.” 

Eddie could feel the heat in the look that Buck was giving him. He adjusted himself a little, simultaneously willing his dick to calm the fuck down. He couldn’t get out of the car and greet his son like this.

“I will consider the kissing situation if you stop talking about sex of any kind right now.”

Buck bit his lip, obviously dying to ask if Eddie would consider letting Buck deal with his fixation too. Eddie took pity on him. “Anything else is completely dependent on you being a good boy.”

He knew what that particular phrase would do to Buck, and he smiled at the pained little grunt it provoked.

They drove in silence after that, Eddie using the few minutes they had until they arrived at the school to  think of the most grusome injuries he’d even treated to calm himself down.

Eddie added oral fixation to Buck’s growing list of kinks.

Christopher had a great time at the arcade, burning through all of Buck’s loose change, so of course Buck went and bought Christopher a popsicle instead of just using the change machine to break a note. Christopher was more interested in the game than his popsicle, so Eddie had to watch Buck slide his lips and tongue all over the conveniently phallic frozen treat before it melted. Buck knew exactly what he was doing.

“Behave,” Eddie growled in his ear whilst Christopher was distracted by the end of level boss.

“I didn’t say a word,” Buck whispered back.

“But are you being good?”

“You know I can be very good, Eds.”

Eddie stubbornly kept his eyes on the video game after that.

Eventually Eddie put his foot down when Christopher pleaded for yet more coins. He bought them all pizza, ignoring Buck’s protests about paying because he’d just given Christopher a stupid amount of cash in small change. Eddie wouldn’t have let him feed that much into an arcade game if he hadn’t been so distracted, but Buck would have happily hit an ATM to let Chris keep playing, and seeing Buck spoil his son just did things to Eddie’s insides.

Christopher was talking about the game all the way home, already strategizing about how he’d beat it the next time they went to the arcade. Eddie thought he was never going to wind down, but Christopher's eyes were drooping after he had his bath, and he looked about ready to nod off halfway through brushing his teeth. Eddie tucked him into bed, and Christopher fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He’d left Buck in the living room, flicking through channels on the tv just as rapidly as he’d done with the car radio. As soon as he walked in, Buck switched it off.

“Chris asleep already?”

“Yeah. Out like a light. Maybe it’s time we had that talk.”

“Or you could let me suck your cock,” Buck said, hopefully.

“Buck…”

“We can talk after, but if you don’t let me do this I am not gonna be able to concentrate on anything else. Please. You don’t even have to do anything. Just let me suck you off.”

Buck wasn’t asking for a scene, but he was asking for something he thought he needed. It was crossing another line. This wasn’t a sub submitting to a dom, this was Buck deliberately initiating sex because he wanted it.

“You tormented me with the idea of sucking your cock, then didn’t let me have it, Eds.” The look he gave Eddie wasn’t anything as calculated as a pout, but it conveyed his disappointment all the same.

Okay, so this wasn’t a scene, but it was the consequence of one, and Eddie hadn’t been able to give Buck the aftercare he deserved that day. This was practically unfinished business. Maybe he owed this to Buck.

“I don’t know, that the shit you pulled with that popsicle would qualify as you being a good boy, Buck.”

“Then let me make up for it now. Let me be good to you.”

Eddie glanced towards the hallway and Christopher’s bedroom door. He was fast asleep, and they’d hear him if he got up long before he got close enough to see anything he shouldn’t. It was a lot less risky than what they’d done at the firehouse.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Buck asked, his face lighting up.

“Yeah, but then we talk. Where do you want me?”

He half expected to reply with the obvious answer, in his mouth.

“On the couch. I want you to be comfortable.”

That felt far more intimate than the way Eddie had used Buck’s mouth before, but if this was what Buck wanted, he’d go with it.

Buck wasn’t kidding himself. Eddie was in no way submitting to him here, and the fact that he was letting Buck touch him like this outside of a scene was a huge deal. He was letting Buck do this because Buck asked, but Buck’s motives weren’t as simple as he’d made them out to be. Yes, he wanted Eddie’s dick in exactly the way he’d taunted him, but he also wanted to do something for Eddie that made him feel just as cared for as Buck did when they scened together.

Buck liked sucking cock, but Eddie had never really given him the chance to show him just how good he could make it. A rough throat fucking was hot, especially when it was a pitstop to something more, but Buck wanted to show him how good he was at making it the main attraction.

Eddie sat on the couch and undid his pants, shoving his underwear down just enough to give Buck room to work. Buck would have preferred for them both to be naked, but there was always the small chance that Christopher would wake up, so it made sense not to take any chances.

Eddie was already aroused, watching Buck approach with hooded eyes as he stroked his cock to full hardness. Buck licked his lips and settled down to kneel in front of him. He gently removed Eddie’s hand and replaced it with his own, and Eddie slumped down a little further into the couch cushions, resting his arms along the back of the couch. It was a subtle cue for Buck to do what he wanted, and Buck had to undo his own fly to give his own aching dick a little freedom.

Buck wasn’t planning to just suck Eddie’s dick. He was going to take his time and give it the attention it deserved.

He started by trailing his lips up and down the shaft, gentle and feather light, ignoring the head, and only progressing to light, closed mouth kisses when he looked up and saw Eddie clenching the back of the couch. Buck smiled up at him, and took his kisses lower until he was mouthing at his sac. Eddie tried to open his legs a little wider, but there was little he could do with his pants bunched up around his thighs. He grunted in protest, and it turned into a soft moan as Buck sucked one ball into his mouth, before letting it slide free and doing the same with the other.

Eddie closed his eyes, his whole body tense as Buck lapped at his shaft, watching the precum bead at the tip until there was enough for it to start to dribble down towards his tongue.

“Buck…”

The way Eddie moaned his name took him right back to when Eddie had cum that night, wrapped around Buck’s body, his cock deep inside him. It was the sound of Eddie being intimate with Buck, not just a dom speaking to his sub. It meant everything to Buck, and he wanted to hear his name spoken with such reverence again and again.

Eddie’s body jerked when Buck’s mouth finally settled on the sensitive head, smearing the dribbling precum across his lips like gloss, before sliding it into his mouth to trace the contours with his tongue. Buck explored the ridge, swirling slowly until the tip of his tongue settled on the frenulum, making it flutter against that sensitive spot until Eddie gasped, one hand finally leaving the back of the couch to grip Buck’s shoulder.

“Jesus fucking christ, Buck! Your mouth…”

It wasn’t the soft, awed way he’d said his name before, but Eddie was definitely losing his composure, and that was almost as good.

He bobbed his head, taking a little more of Eddie into his mouth each time, tonguing his slit, and Eddie sighed, cupping the nape of Buck’s neck gently. Buck let his hands wander, first up to Eddie’s hips, and then across the tense muscles of his abdomen up to his chest. He’d never really had the opportunity to touch Eddie’s body this way, fingers learning the swells and dips of his muscles. Eddie gave a soft moan when his fingers brushed across a nipple, so he did it again and again, feeling it harden under his touch.

“Buck…”

There was that soft moan again, and Buck had to stop to catch his breath, because just the sound of Eddie saying his name like that was almost enough to make him cum completely untouched, and this was supposed to be all about Eddie’s pleasure, not his.

Eddie moved the hand from his neck, and gently combed his fingers through his hair. Buck closed his eyes and let the soothing touch ground him. When he opened his eyes and looked up, his breath caught in his throat. Eddie’s eyes looked completely black, and his lower lip was puffy and red from where he’d been chewing on it. The lazy, seductive slouch that he started with was long gone, and Eddie looked as if he were seconds away from snatching back control and just taking what Buck had been teasing him with, yet his fingers were still soft and affectionate in Buck’s hair. He was holding himself back, letting Buck lead this wherever he wanted to go, and Buck fell a little more in love with him right there.

Buck lapped at the head of Eddie’s cock, wet and messy, letting saliva drip from his mouth as his hand gripped firmly around the base of the shaft. When it was a sloppy mess of precum and saliva, he worked it down the Eddie’s length, sucking the head into his mouth, laving it with his tongue then dragging it free, again and again. Eddie moaned, trying to thrust, and when Buck held him down with an arm pinned across his pelvis, he swore and buried the fingers of both hands in Buck’s hair.

The sting of it sent a hot bolt of arousal deep in his gut, and just by shifting slightly to one side, he found he could press his aching cock to Eddie’s leg without him noticing. He let Eddie’s hands guide him, taking more and more of him into his mouth, never pushing, but just getting Buck to where they both wanted Buck to be.

This was what Buck had been craving, the weight of Eddie’s beautiful cock pressed against his tongue, his lips stretched around his girth, while the soft musk of his body filled his head. He slowly sucked Eddie deeper, fighting his gag reflex until he could take it all, holding him in his throat, his nose pressed against his body.

Eddie cursed, keeping his voice low as he switched from English to Spanish and then back again, needing every word at his disposal. Buck eased back, moving his hands to Eddie’s hips, encouraging him to take what he needed. Buck moaned, his fingers digging into harder into Eddie’s hips as he fucked his mouth slow and deep, so caught up in Eddie’s muttering to even register that he was now grinding against his leg.

“Fuck you feel so good. Want to live with my cock in your mouth. Feed you my cum every damn day. Fill up that beautiful mouth so I’m the only thing you ever taste.”

His words sent Buck over the edge, making him light headed, but Eddie was still his sole focus, and when he felt him tense, approaching his own climax, he ensured that he was positioned right to catch it all on his tongue, safe in his mouth.

Eddie cried out his name, almost loud enough to wake his son. Buck still listened carefully just in case, but the excitement of the arcade had ensured he was sleeping deeply. As he worked every drop from Eddie, he let some of it slide down his throat, but held the rest back on his tongue. He sat back, waiting for Eddie to look at him, before opening his mouth to show him.

Panting and sated, Eddie still looked like something wild and dangerous. He glanced at Buck’s mouth, and as soon as he registered what he was seeing, he grabbed Buck’s face, dragging him towards him, and licked deep into his mouth.

Buck scrambled onto his lap, careful not to break the long awaited kiss as Eddie chased the taste of himself around Buck’s mouth. He’d only meant to show Eddie that every word he’d said to him in the shower room had been true, that he really was a slut for Eddie’s cock. He thought Eddie might reluctantly kiss him if they ever fucked again, but he hadn’t dared hope that he’d ever kiss him like this, so deep and possessive that he could barely keep up, his hands angling Buck just how he wanted, fingers stoking at his scalp, sending ripples of bliss down his spine.

Buck was a tingling, whimpering mess. He barely even noticed when Eddie started pulling at his jeans, but he did when Eddie stopped kissing him.

“Did you already…?”

“Uh… yeah. Sorry.”

Eddie groaned. “Sorry? Have you any idea how hot that is? God, you were grinding up against my leg like a horny puppy, weren’t you?”

“Shut up.” Buck tried to hide his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck, and the next thing he knew Eddie had picked him up, pulling his legs around his waist, and laid him back on the couch, pinning him with his body.

Buck knew Eddie was strong, but manhandling him like that, tossing him around like he wasn’t 6’2 of solid firefighter just reset Buck’s brain to horny slut.

“Doesn’t look like it’s going to be a problem though,” Eddie said, wrapping his hand around Buck’s rapidly hardening dick.

“Eddie…” Buck whined as Eddie started jacking him off far too gently.

“Fuck, look at you. So beautiful.”

The way Eddie looked at him, Buck could almost believe it, despite the fact he knew he must look like a slack jawed idiot as he watched Eddie suck two fingers into his mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head as one slid easily inside him.

“Buck, what have you been doing to yourself?” Eddie asked, withdrawing and going right back in with two fingers. “Tell me.”

“The plug. Need it.”

Eddie curled his fingers, igniting that stab of pleasure that Buck could never quite achieve on his own. “Is that all?” Eddie’s voice took on a harsher, possessive tone, a hint of that dominance that drove Buck to his knees, making his mind a blank slate for Eddie to fill with purpose.

“I said, is that all?”

Buck groaned, caught between the torment of Eddie’s fingers toying with his prostate as his other hand worked him over far too gently. He shook his head, sobbing when Eddie abruptly stopped.

“I bought a dildo. Don’t be angry. I needed it. It’s not real… it’s not you, but-”

Eddie cut him off with another kiss, and finally he firmed up his grip, stroking him hard and fast, fucking him with his fingers until Buck shuddered and came, moaning against Eddie’s mouth.

For one terrible moment Eddie thought the worst when Buck took his finger so easily. The thought of anyone else fucking him just about stopped his heart in his chest, his vision dimming around the edges as his brain tormented him with images of faceless men taking what was his. But then Buck’s confession came tumbling out, breathing life back into his body. Buck really did crave his touch, and not just the mind games they played together. He thought of him whilst he played with himself…

He wanted to watch Buck’s face as he came, but he couldn’t trust himself not to show Buck just how fucked he was, and stifling Buck’s cries as he fell apart beneath him was almost as sweet.

Eddie was so deeply fucked. Even if this meant nothing to Buck, he’d never walk away from whatever Buck was willing to give him. He didn’t need a label for what they were doing, he just needed Buck, pliant in his arms, and if that look in his eyes ever faded, he’d just have to suck it up and fake being happy for him when he moved on.

Now he’d started kissing Buck, he just couldn’t stop, but he moved his attention to his neck, just to let the poor guy catch his breath. He wanted to suck dark bruises into his skin, staking his claim and warning off anyone who even looked at Buck for too long, but they were on thin ice at work after the shower room incident, and Buck might not appreciate him mauling him when he was too cum-drunk to protest. 

The taste of his skin and the scent of his body was intoxicating. He’d tasted the sweat from his back when they’d fucked, but it was subtly different here on his neck, more intensely Buck, and he wondered what the rest of his body would taste like. For the first time in his life he gave serious thought to tasting another guy’s dick. He imagined Buck tied down and helpless, begging for relief as he teased him the way Buck had teased him tonight. Deep throating was probably out of the question, but the idea of Buck hard and desperate in his mouth was definitely something he wanted to explore.

Buck’s breathing had evened out, and he was lazily stroking Eddie’s hair, letting out a happy sigh. Reluctantly Eddie sat up, his heart clenching at the soft, happy look on Buck’s face. Buck’s shirt was a write off, and glancing down he realized his own had fared little better. The naked look of appreciation in Buck’s eyes when he peeled off his cum splattered shirt told him that if either of them could get it up anytime soon, Buck would definitely be up for another round.

“Come on. Give me yours too. I’ll lend you one of mine.”

Reluctantly Buck sat up just enough to pull the shirt over his head, and used it to wipe himself down before handing it to Eddie.

Eddie hid them at the bottom of the laundry hamper, and retrieved one of his favorite t-shirts from his room, smiling at the thought of Buck wearing his clothes. When he got back to the lounge Buck was stretched out on the couch, fast asleep. Eddie really had to get over this creepy habit of watching him sleep, but Buck looked so content, with one hand laying relaxed on his stomach, and the other tucked behind his head. Fuck being creepy watching him, Eddie had to stop himself from grabbing his phone and taking a picture.

Buck had at least tucked himself away and done up his fly, so Eddie could reasonably let him sleep without Christopher getting an eyeful if he found him on the couch. He flipped the blanket from the back of the couch over to cover him in case he got cold in the night. He’d much rather wake him and persuade him to share his bed, but that would be playing with fire with Christopher in the house.

He left the clean shirt on the back of the couch, and pressed a kiss to Buck’s forehead. Going to bed alone sucked, but at least Buck would be there in the morning.

Buck was used to being startled awake, but it took a second to process what had woken him and where the hell he was. His first clue was the sound that woke him, a brash repetitive theme tune that was likely to be stuck in his head for the rest of the day. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, and sure enough, there was the familiar cartoon shark and mermaid continuing their bumbling romance on the screen, and Christopher was sitting in the armchair, giggling at their antics.

“Morning Buck. What happened to your shirt?”

“Uh, I spilled something on it last night.” He spotted the shirt Eddie must have left out for him, and pulled it on, thinking that he really needed to stop falling asleep right after sex.

“Chris!” Eddie appeared in the doorway, looking far too put together for first thing in the morning. He’d already showered and got dressed. “I told you not to wake Buck!”

“But he snores. I couldn’t hear the TV.”

“Then put the subtitles on!”

“But they don’t talk, dad.”

“Then you weren’t missing anything, were you?”

“I’d miss the sound effects.”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, unable to argue with child logic.

“It’s okay, Eddie. The sound effects are pretty important.”

Christopher gave him a triumphant grin. “Buck gets it.”

“Have you started breakfast yet?” Buck asked, detangling himself from the blanket. It was the one Ana had bought, and he stifled the urge to fling it across the room when he realized. “I can make pancakes.”

“You don’t have to do that, Buck,” Eddie said, just as Christopher asked if he could have chocolate syrup on his.

“Sorry, Eds. You’re out voted two to one. Pancakes it is.”

Eddie retreated into the kitchen to make coffee, muttering that it wasn’t a democracy.

Buck was still stewing on whether he should read anything into the fact that Eddie had kept Ana’s blanket as they sat at the kitchen table, when apropos of nothing, Christopher asked, “What does sub mean?”

Eddie and Buck both froze for a second, making eye contact while their folks hovered mid air. Buck figured it was definitely Eddie’s job to answer, so he jammed the forkful of pancake in his mouth and started chewing very slowly, waiting to see how he would handle it.

“Where did you hear that word?” Eddie said.

Good call. This wasn’t Eddie’s first rodeo, and context was everything.

“Rufus Berkley said he isn’t into dudes, but he’d totally sub for Henry Cavill. What does that mean?”

It wasn’t the first time that Rufus kid had said something age inappropriate, and Buck had a feeling the school was going to get another sharply worded email about watching what he said in front of the younger kids.

“It sort of means he has a crush on him,” Eddie said.

“Why didn’t he just say that then? What does the sub bit mean?”

The kid was tenacious, and if Eddie didn’t give a little more detail the word might make it into his vocabulary and he could use it without understanding the implications. It was a tricky one.

“Well, if two people are in a relationship, sometimes one person sort of takes charge of looking after the other, and that one is called a dom, but that is a grown up word you shouldn’t be using yet. The one who gets looked after, is the sub. Rufus was saying he has a crush on Henry Cavil, and he would like him to look after him.”

“So sub is a grown up word too?”

“Yes,” Eddie said with obvious relief.

Christopher nodded, thinking about it for a moment.

“Are you Buck’s sub?”

Buck inhaled a bit of pancake, and just about managed to cough it up as Eddie answered.

“No! Why would you think that?” Eddie said, passing Buck a glass of water, that he gratefully drank.

“Because Buck does stuff for you. Like making pancakes for breakfast.”

“That’s just Buck being a good friend, buddy. Being a sub is different.”

Buck had no idea how Eddie was keeping his cool, but at least Buck could blame his flaming cheeks on his coughing fit.

“How?”

“It’s more like a romantic thing. Boyfriends and girlfriends. It’s very private, and just for grown ups. It’s not something kids need to know about until they are much, much older.”

“Like sex?”

“Yeah, just like sex.”

Christopher nodded. “That would explain why Rufus got detention and they called his dad then.”

Fortunately he let the subject drop. Buck had even more respect for Eddie as a parent for the way he answered his son’s questions. Buck learned from a young age that if he wanted an answer other than ‘none of your business’ or ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older’ he needed to ask Maddie rather than his parents.

Christopher went to get dressed as Buck and Eddie cleaned up the kitchen.

“I can’t believe he asked that,” Buck said when Christopher was out of earshot. “You handled it really well.”

“I wish I could control what shit he hears at school, but this one was a whole lot easier than when he asked what a blowjob is.”

“Fuck! How did you handle that?”

“Badly. I pretended not to know what it meant, so he asked Carla to explain it to both of us. After that I realized that giving him a watered down version is better than dodging the question.”

“Poor Carla!”

”She thought it was hilarious. I had to own up and give him the talk then. Still botched it though. Told him blow jobs were ‘special kisses’.”

Buck chuckled. “Well, depending on technique, that’s kinda true.”

There was a heavy moment as they looked at each other, thinking about what they’d been doing the night before.

Eddie cleared his throat, and looked away.

“I better go help him, or we’ll be late for his surfing lesson.”

“Yeah, I need to go home and shower. I’ll, uh, see you guys later.”

Chapter Text

“Would you keep something an ex gave you as a gift even after you broke up?” Buck asked. He’d thought about asking Hen, but seeing as her ex was her son’s biological mother, he figured that would be kind of insensitive, so he asked Chim instead. Exes were a tricky subject with Maddie too, but she’d already headed off to work, so the coast was clear to pick Chim’s brain.

“Depends what it was. Ugly Christmas sweater, no. A sports car? Hell yeah.”

“Who have you dated that could afford to give you a sports car?”

“I’m sorry. Was this not a hypothetical question?” Chim said, handing him a coffee and walking through to the lounge. “I hypothetically could have dated an international supermodel who gave me a lamborghini right before I broke her heart.”

Buck rolled his eyes, taking the seat next to him on the couch. “Okay, but hypothetically, think of something more realistic.”

“Like what?”

“A blanket.”

Chim shrugged. “I guess it depends on the blanket. Is it a good one?”

Buck frowned. “Define good.”

“I don’t know, Buck. Is it warm? Does it go with the decor? I don't know if I'd bother to keep an ugly blanket. If Maddie hated it I probably wouldn’t get much say in the matter.”

“Definitely doesn’t go with the decor. Too flowery, but it’s super soft and warm.”

Chim gave him a confused look. “This doesn’t sound very hypothetical to me. Did Taylor give you a blanket? If you like it, keep it. If not, donate it. There’s always someone who needs a blanket, Buck.”

“No, it’s not my blanket. I mean, no one gave it to me.”

Chim smiled slowly as the penny dropped, and nodded. “This is about Eddie, isn’t it?”

“Uh…”

“I’m sorry. Are we still supposed to pretend we don’t know about the two of you?”

Buck sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“Because Eddie still has a blanket that Ana gave him?”

“I don’t think he’s over her.”

Chim laughed.

“Because of a blanket?”

“Because she was fucking perfect for him, and I fucked it all up for him!”

“Oh yeah, that’s so obvious, what with all the moping about and pining over her he’s been doing.”

“I knew it!”

“I was being sarcastic, Buck. Eddie’s been a whole lot less stressed since he broke things off with her. He looked about ready to stroke out any time anyone mentioned marriage in front of him. Honestly, I was starting to get bunny boiler vibes from her.”

“Bunny boiler?”

“Michael Douglas? Glen Close? You never seen Fatal Attraction?”

“No, should I?”

“Come on. I think it’s on Netflix,” Chim said, reaching for the TV remote. “It’ll make much more sense than this conversation.”

After watching the movie, Buck felt like the bunny boiler comment was a bit harsh. He thought Ana had much more of a Stepford Wives kind of vibe. He still wasn’t convinced that Eddie keeping the blanket didn’t mean something, but a horror movie marathon with Chim helped him push it to the back of his mind.

Chim : u got a blanket ana gave u?

Eddie : yes why?

Chim : get rid of it

Eddie : ?

Chim : it weirds buck out and i cant take any more da vinci code level analysis of why you still have it. Throw it out donate it burn it whatever but i swear to god if i hear the word blanket one more time we are gonna be a man down on our next shift

Eddie : ok

Eddie : thanks for the tip

Eddie really hadn’t given the blanket much thought, but alll the extra pillows had been annoying, so they were donated as soon as Ana wasn’t around to notice their absence. He kind of liked the blanket though, as jarring as the colorful floral pattern was, because he had happy memories of wrapping it around the two people he loved most. He picked it up off the couch and held it to his face, and there was just the faintest scent of Buck clinging to the fibers.

He barely even associated it with Ana any more, but Buck clearly did, so it had to go. He was loath to get rid of it with any trace of Buck still on it, so he put it through the wash before dropping it at Goodwill. If he was going to replace it, it had to be with something Buck would like, so he spent a whole afternoon shopping around to find one that was just right. When he found one that was almost the same shade of blue as Buck’s eyes, and was even softer than Ana’s blanket, he bought it, even though it cost three times what he was planning to spend.

Only when he got home and laid the blanket over the back of the couch did he really think about why Buck was so bothered by the old one. For once he let himself consider what he wanted it to mean instead of letting pessimism take over. He thought of Buck confessing to fucking himself and wishing it were him, of Buck obsessing about having his dick in his mouth, but it was the memory of how they had kissed that finally fanned the flicker of hope into something that really burned in his chest.

Hen was only too happy to extend Christopher’s playdate with Denny into a sleepover, and hearing the boys whoop with excitement in the background soothed his conscience about bailing on family time. He didn’t bother letting Buck know he was coming. If he was out he would just wait, but it sounded like he was rapidly wearing out his welcome at Maddie and Chim’s apartment, so the odds were fairly good he would be home by the evening.

He felt strangely calm once he decided to let himself hope. He went through the house with a fine tooth comb, checking for anything that might remind Buck of Ana. There were a couple of vases, a mug, a few items of clothes she’d picked out for him, and the second blanket still lying in the bottom of Christopher’s closet. He boxed them up, out of sight until he could donate them. When he was in the shower he remembered there was still a picture of him and Ana posing on the beach with Christopher in his son’s room. He wondered if he would miss it if he hid it, but when he looked for it, he found it had already been stuffed in a drawer.

The butterflies in stomach only kicked in when he was at Buck’s front door. He could have just let himself in, but there was something almost symbolic about knocking and waiting for Buck to answer. He was beginning to think he’d misjudged when he’d be home, when Buck answered the door looking a bit flustered.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming over. Did I miss a text or something?”

“No. It was just a spur of the moment thing. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Buck looked weirdly on edge, a pink flush on his cheeks that made Eddie wonder why it took him so long to answer the door.

“You okay?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Yeah, all good,” Buck said, with a bright smile. “You want something to drink? I have juice or soda.”

“A soda would be good, thanks.”

Eddie was still trying to figure out exactly how he was going to approach what he’d come here to say, but something about Buck was off, and he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He was moving a little stiffly, and when he reached for a can of soda in the fridge, he hesitated a little, and gave out a breathy grunt as he had to lean in slightly to grasp it. His face was flaming as he walked gingerly to hand Eddie the can, and his sweatpants were doing little to hide the fact that he was hard.

“Jesus, Buck. This is why we never manage to talk about anything,” Eddie said roughly.

“Talk about what?” Buck’s eyes flicked from the soda in his hand, to the floor, anywhere but meeting Eddie’s gaze.

Eddie took the can and put it on the table. “Show me.”

“Show you what?”

“You know what.”

Buck ducked his head, but didn’t move, so Eddie put his hands on his hips, turning him to face the table, and pressed his hand between his shoulder blades until Buck was forced to steady himself with his hands on the table top. He tugged Buck’s sweatpants down, and sure enough, nestled between his cheeks was the shiny metal base of the plug. Eddie traced around the edge where metal met flesh, and Buck shivered.

“Looks like there’s something we need to deal with before we can have that talk.”

“Are you mad?”

“About this? No. But I think there should definitely be some consequences for the way you behaved at the arcade. Don’t you?”

He nodded, so Eddie flicked his finger at the base of the plug, startling a moan out of Buck.

“Yes! I definitely need-”

“I’ll decide what you need. Go upstairs and strip. And don’t touch that plug.”

Eddie had all night. They would talk, he wasn’t leaving this time until they did, but right now they needed this more, and hopefully the words would come more easily when Buck lay soft and vulnerable in his arms after a scene. Maybe this was just how it would always be between them, spontaneous and all consuming, derailing whatever he had planned. 

He looked for Buck’s candy stash, but only managed to find half a pack of cookies, so he took that and a bottle of water. Buck was kneeling beside the bed, just like last time, just as naked, needy and beautiful.

He looked up at Eddie. “The candy is in the nightstand, along with some bottles of water. Y’know, just in case.”

Buck had been preparing for this, waiting for him, and all Eddie had needed to do was show up. The thought settled some of the lingering doubt about him laying his cards on the table. Maybe Buck really was just as invested in this as Eddie was.

His pulse picked up when he caught sight of his belt still lying carefully coiled on the nightstand. He picked it up, leaving the water and cookies in its place. Buck watched wide eyed as he ran the supple leather through his hands.

Eddie looped it loosely over Buck’s head, tugging on the ends, leaning down and pulling him close as he pressed a kiss to his lips. Buck moaned softly, opening up to the brush of his tongue as Eddie kissed him, slow and sweet.

As he pulled back, Buck swayed a little, looking up at Eddie in a daze. That kiss had told him a little of what Eddie had come here to say, but the leather pressed to the back of Buck’s neck promised something else entirely. Eddie had never been much of a traditionalist, but seeing the contrast of the worn leather against his vulnerable flesh made the thought of putting a collar around Buck’s neck and locking it in place stir something primal in his gut.

“Get on the bed. Face down.”

There was nothing to stop him from cuffing Buck’s wrists to the head of the bed this time, but he needed more. A quick search of the room turned up a couple of ties that had to have been gifts because he couldn’t imagine Buck picking them out for himself. They would suit his purposes for now, and he could replace them for Buck later if necessary.

Buck was silent as Eddie spread his legs, securing his ankles to the lower corners of the bed with the makeshift restraints, but Eddie could hear his uneven breath as he tied the knots, his skin breaking out in goosebumps.

He stroked the base of the plug with his thumb, making Buck twitch and moan, pulling against his restraints.

“What do you think about when you wear this, Buck?”

“You.”

“And what did you think would happen if I found you like this?” He pressed a little harder, sliding his thumb over the base of the plug, making it shift around inside him.

Buck let out a high pitched grunt, taking a few shuddery deep breaths before answering. “I thought… I hoped you would see it and know it was for you, so you could pull it out and fuck me whenever you want.”

“Is that what you want me to do now?”

“I… I don’t know if deserve it.”

“You were badly behaved at the arcade. You know that, don’t you?”

Buck nodded.

“But you did suck my cock so beautifully afterwards, which leaves us in a bit of a dilemma. We both know what a slut you are, but you can’t be pulling that kind of shit in front of Christopher.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie.”

“I know, but we have to deal with this.”

It was tempting to leave the plug where it was, but Eddie didn’t want Buck to have any distractions, so he eased it out, gently but businesslike, despite Buck’s squirming. Buck was right, he could just sink right into him with no further prep, and part of him wanted to do just that, but a much larger part wanted to torment him first.

He reached for the belt, and Buck was moaning ‘green’ before he could even ask. He would need to be careful. It was unlikely that Buck had ever done this before, and he had to make sure he didn’t do anything that could put him out of commission. But Eddie had learned from the best. He didn’t always go to Heather’s just to pick up subs, and he’d taken part in quite a few demonstrations as Lady H herself guided him through the best techniques.

He took the buckle in his hand, winding the leather around his fist, before letting the loose end trail gently down Buck’s spine. Buck didn’t have much freedom of movement, but he still tried to twist away, trying to shake it off his skin.

“Eddie, I’m sorry. I won’t do that again. I promise…”

“I know you’ll try, but I need you to remember.”

The first crack of the belt against Buck’s skin was delivered with more noise than force, but it still made Buck flinch. Eddie took his time, waiting random intervals to keep Buck on edge as he built up to blows that left stinging pink stripes across Buck’s cheeks and thighs. It didn’t take long to break him, tears soaking into the pillow as he begged for Eddie to stop.

“Fuck, it hurts so bad… I can’t… it’s too much… Eddie please, I can’t…”

But Eddie knew exactly how far he could go, landing each lash of the belt with such careful precision that no one area took too much abuse, ensuring the bruising was superficial. Only when Buck’s skin was an almost uniform shade, glowing pink and hot, his protests broken down into nothing but broken sobs, did he stop.

“Shhh, sweetheart.You took it so well, and now your ass is so pretty and pink for me.”

“Th…thank you.”

Eddie tossed the belt aside, and knelt to untie the knots holding Buck’s ankles. They were pulled tight, but he took the time to unpick them methodically as Buck caught his breath. When they were free, he gently massaged from Buck’s ankles to the back of his knees, pinning his legs to the mattress before leaning in to lick at the reddened skin of his thighs. Buck took a sharp intake of breath as he trailed his tongue up to the swell of his buttocks.

Eddie meant to stop there, but Buck spread his legs just the tiniest amount, and he was so close to Buck’s hole, prepped and waiting for him, that he couldn't resist giving it a shy little kitten lick. Buck gave out a deep groan, so he did it again, and Buck tried to tilt his hips up in a silent plea for more.

It wasn’t something that Eddie had ever considered doing, but Buck’s response to it was so immediate and gratifying that he couldn’t help himself. He licked a broad stripe across Buck’s hole, frustrated that all he could taste was lube. He did it again, trying to bury down to the taste of Buck himself, and when he found Buck was open enough to let his tongue dip into him, Eddie groaned and tried to see just how deep he could thrust it.

Between the handcuffs and Eddie’s hands pinning his legs, Buck could do nothing but lie there and take it, cursing and moaning Eddie’s name as he explored how he could use his tongue and lips in this new, intimate way.

“Eddie please, I’m gonna cum… I’m gonna cum with your tongue in my ass…”

Reluctantly, Eddie drew back, pressing a kiss to his twitching hole.

“Not yet, amor.”

Buck whined as Eddie rubbed his face against his cheeks, Buck whimpering at  the contact against his skin, still pink and oversensitive. It seemed as if Eddie had a fixation of his own, and he couldn’t help giving one cheek a sharp nip with his teeth, making Buck yelp.

He unlocked the cuffs, rubbing warmth back into Buck’s hands. Buck rolled onto his side, and there was that look, the one that said Eddie was his whole world right now.

“How do you want to do this?” Eddie asked.

“You’re giving me a choice?”

“If you want one, yes.”

Buck rolled onto his back, flinching as his sensitive ass made contact with the sheets.

“I want to see your face.”

Buck would know. He’d look into Eddie’s eyes and see what he meant to him, and despite that being the very reason that had brought Eddie here, it still scared him.

“You sure?” Eddie asked, tracing Buck’s birthmark with his thumb.

“I’m gonna be feeling that belt for hours, but I want to feel this too, and see that it’s you here with me.”

Eddie pressed a kiss to his forehead, and went to retrieve the lube.

He dropped it on the bed, and started pulling his shirt off over his head.

“Do you know how stupidly hot it is when you make me get naked when you’re still fully clothed?” Buck asked so softly that Eddie wasn’t sure he was even supposed to hear.

Eddie smiled. He loved the power imbalance it created too. “You want me to keep my clothes on?”

“No. I want to see all of you right now. But… maybe remember that for future reference?”

Eddie’s smile widened at Buck thinking of him fucking him some time in the future. He felt Buck’s gaze blazing across his skin as he shucked off the rest of his clothes and his shoes, and when he looked up his breath caught in his throat when he saw Buck had already coated his fingers with lube and thrust three of them knuckle deep inside himself.

“Buck…”

“I know. I’m sorry, but I can’t wait.”

Eddie knee walked up the bed between Buck’s legs, and Buck squeezed more lube into his hand and spread it over Eddie’s straining cock, guiding it to his entrance as Eddie leaned down to kiss him. They moaned into each other’s mouths as Eddie sank into him, Buck drawing his legs up, and wrapping those strong thighs around his waist.

Eddie rocked his hips slowly, letting the pleasure build gradually.

“I love feeling so full of you,” Buck sighed, sucking kisses into Eddie’s neck.

“That’s because you were made for me, Buck. Inside you is where my cock belongs.”

“That’s why I need you, Eds, so fucking much.”

“I need you too, amor. More than you know.”

Buck’s hands grasped his hair, forcing his head back so he had to meet his eyes.

“Then show me.”

Eddie felt stripped bare by the look Buck was giving him, his very core exposed and so brittle that Buck could shatter him with the slightest touch. But that look told him Buck was offering him more than his body or his submission. His heart was just as fragile, but he was offering it up to Eddie, taking the exact same chance.

Eddie kissed him again, deep and dirty, as the tempo of his thrusts picked up, driving harder and deeper, until he had to tear his mouth away just to get enough air.

“Fuck, yes…” Buck hissed, urging him on with his heels pressed to his back, hands clawing at Eddie’s shoulders.

“You’re mine. Gonna make you feel it,” Eddie growled, shoving Buck’s legs up onto his shoulders, almost bending him in half and lifting his ass off the bed, just to get that little bit deeper.

Buck scrambled to brace himself against the headboard as the force of Eddie slamming into him pushed him further up the bed.

“Oh fuck… just there… don’t fucking stop….”

Eddie was gripping Buck’s shoulders for leverage now, and neither of them could spare a hand for Buck’s weeping cock, lying neglected against his belly, but it didn’t matter. Crying Eddie’s name, Buck convulsed, the thick, hot pulses of his release painting his flushed skin, his twitching muscles clenching around Eddie until he too was crying out, as he emptied himself into Buck’s glorious, tight heat.

Eddie let the dead weight of Buck’s legs fall back to the bed, but kept his face pressed to his neck. He couldn’t move or speak. He just clung onto Buck as best he could, knowing that this was the time that Buck needed soft words and gentle touches, but he just couldn’t let go. He felt Buck’s fingers combing through his hair, so tenderly that he let out a quiet sob.

“Eddie?”

“Just give me a minute,” he muttered, trying to get a handle on what was happening. His body was still ablaze, hypersensitive to every inch of skin pressed against and inside of Buck, and just the thought of breaking that contact brought tears to his eyes.

“Take as long as you need, Eds. I’m not going anywhere.”

Slowly the panic at the thought of losing this soul deep connection started to recede as Buck stroked his hair and rubbed soothing circles on his back. Embarrassment at his crippling deluge of emotion started to creep in. He pressed a kiss to Buck’s throat, and carefully lifted his weight off him, sighing as his softening cock slid from his body. 

Buck cupped his face, tilting it up to look at him.

“You back with me?” he smiled, as if it wasn’t usually Eddie asking that question.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” Eddie hoped he wouldn't ask what just happened, and stayed braced on hands and knees, hovering above Buck, unsure what to do next until Buck solved the problem for him by tugging him down to lie beside him.

Eddie thought the words would come more easily in the afterglow, but it still took a while to force anything out. At least Buck wasn’t falling asleep like he usually seemed to do. He was just lying on his side watching him, trailing his fingers up and down Eddie’s arm, waiting for him to speak.

“I can’t share you with anyone, Buck. There can’t be anyone else.” It wasn’t quite what he meant to say, but at least it was a start.

“I wouldn’t do that to you. We’re not even using condoms. I wouldn’t-”

“That’s not what I meant,” Eddie sighed. “I’m not talking about safe sex here, Buck. I want you to be mine. For real.”

“To be your sub? Like-”

“You’re more to me than just a sub. You’re not just a means to an end. You’re everything to me, and I guess I’m no good at showing you that if you-”

“I love you, Eddie. I’m in love with you, and whatever you want, the answer is yes.”

“It is?” Was it really that simple? He searched Buck’s eyes, looking for some sign that he was just saying what Eddie wanted to hear, or that he was floating in a haze of hormones that meant he wasn’t really aware of the weight those words carried. But Buck’s eyes were sharp and clear. He knew what he was saying and he meant every word.

“You’re it for me," Buck said. "I couldn’t even look at anyone else. But I’m scared I’m not enough. I’m not-”

“Don’t even bother saying her name. She wasn’t you. I wanted you. I still want only you.”

“Then you’ll keep me?” The shy smile curling Buck’s lips drew Eddie in like a magnet, but he stopped just a hair’s breadth away.

“I love you, Buck. I’m never letting you go.”

Oblivious to their sweat and cum streaked bodies, they held each other, trading soft, lingering kisses between helpless smiles.

“How’s your ass holding up?” Eddie asked, when all the smiling started to make the kisses too difficult to coordinate.

“I’m still feeling it, but in a very good way. You might need to rethink your methods of punishment though. That one isn't going to be much of a deterrent.”

“We’ve barely scratched the surface of all the things I’m going to do to you, Buck. I can’t wait to really test our limits.”

Buck groaned. “I’m a slut for whatever you give me, babe. I belong to you.”

“It goes both ways. I belong to you too. And. I’ll give you whatever you want, whatever you need.”

“Hmm, we should start with a shower and some clean sheets. Then maybe you can feed me?”

“Sounds perfect.”

After a long, languid shower that put the one they’d shared at the firehouse to shame, Eddie borrowed a pair of Buck’s sweatpants and ordered in some Thai food while Buck stripped and remade the bed. In the twenty minutes it took for the food to arrive, they’d done nothing but make out on the couch like teenagers. 

Buck reluctantly peeled himself out of Eddie’s arms long enough to answer the door, chuckling as the delivery woman couldn’t make eye contact with the shirtless, rumpled looking man standing before her. He made sure to tip her well to make up for the embarrassment.

He was glad that Eddie took his request to feed him literally, insisting Buck lie back against his chest on the couch as he brought each bite up to Buck’s mouth. It wasn't the most efficient way to eat, but Buck loved it. Life really didn’t get much better than this, although a fe twinges told him he would definitely be adding something to his workout routine to help with his flexibility. He normally focused on strength and endurance, and Eddie only managed to get them into that position early using brute strength, and he had to be feeling it now as much as Buck was.

“You didn’t strain anything earlier, did you?” Buck asked, picking up a stray noodle that had fallen onto his chest and popping it into his mouth.

Eddie laughed, nuzzling into his neck. “It was a bit of a workout, but no I’m fine. You okay?”

“Seriously considering taking up yoga, but otherwise I’m good. Even if I wasn’t, I’d have zero regrets.”

“Buck, I’m relying on you to safeword if something doesn’t feel right,” Eddie said sternly.

Buck smiled. Even that tone of voice was a turn on. “I know I’m always safe with you. You know what you’re doing.”

Eddie laughed again. “Only about fifty per cent of the time.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve never slept with a guy before you. I’ve scened with plenty, been given a few blow jobs by male subs, but all the rest? I’m just winging it.”

“But you’ve done anal before, right?”

“Yeah, but trust me, it’s a completely different experience with you.”

“Must be weird for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not all soft and curvy. Because it’s a fucking workout to haul my clumsy ass around the bedroom.”

“If you think that your strength and size isn’t a huge turn on, you’re wrong. I’ve scened with plenty of guys, but I’ve never wanted any of them the way I want you. And your ass is fucking perfect.”

Buck sat up and twisted round to look at him. “You’re really not into guys? Then why the hell do you want me?”

Eddie pulled him back to his chest. “I always knew it was an option for me. I’m not one of those closeted assholes who gets head from men and pretends it doesn’t count. I just never wanted to take it that far, and my relationship with Shannon was complicated enough. Things weren’t much better with Ana, and it took me way too long to figure out why. I want you because you are you. It’s a little infuriating sometimes that you don’t appreciate just how beautiful you are. And you’re an incredible sub. So fucking responsive.”

Buck thought for a moment, trying to take it all in. “So that thing with your tongue?”

“Rimming you? Yeah, that was a first. Totally doing it again though.”

“Fuck, I had no idea.” He let Eddie pull him back down, settling back against his chest. “I’m gonna have to show you how good that feels, Eds. There just aren’t the right words.”

Eddie chuckled. “We can work something out. You need to show me how you like your dick sucked.”

Buck moaned at the thought of it. “You are staying tonight, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m staying.” Eddie’s arms tightened, hugging him a little tighter, reassuring him,

“We should get on that then.”

He meant it, but a full stomach and the aftermath of their earlier exertion started to catch up with him. He felt safe in Eddie’s arms, knowing that this time he would stay. He must have started to doze though, because Eddie woke him with a nudge.

“Come on. Let’s go back to bed.”

“Wasn’t asleep,” Buck mumbled, refusing to open his eyes.

“Sure you weren’t. But you can not sleep much more comfortably in bed once we’ve brushed our teeth.”

“Chris is right. You’re a tyrant.”

“I know. I’m the worst. Stay on the couch if you want, but I’ll be in your bed.”

That was enough to finally get Buck moving.

Chapter Text

“Just shoot me now, before the embarrassment kills me,” Buck said, his voice muffled by the pillow he was hiding his face in. He had his back to Eddie, resisting all attempts to get him to roll over.

“Don’t be like that. Can’t I just take it as a compliment?”

“No!”

“I was seriously worried that I’d fuck it up. Really you’ve done me a huge favor. It's one hell of an ego boost.” Eddie knew that whatever he said wouldn’t do a thing to reassure him, but honestly, it was kind of flattering.

“Cumming in under thirty seconds the first time you blow me is mortifying, Eddie. Stop trying to give it a positive spin!”

“I still found it really hot. Besides, it just means we need to practice.”

“It was just so much… seeing you like that. I didn’t even really get time to appreciate how fucking good it felt.”

“Well, there’s our first step. We can try again with a blindfold. See if that helps.”

Buck gave a grunt that could have been a maybe, but kept his face buried in his pillow while Eddie rubbed his shoulders. In the privacy of his own mind Eddie could admit that he was disappointed that it had been over so quickly before he really got any quality time up close and personal with Buck’s cock. The thought of frequent practice to build up Buck’s stamina was kind of appealing.

“It’s also the first time we did anything sexual without some kind of scene first,” Eddie pointed out. “If you need more structure, for me to exert more control over you, that’s okay too.”

“No. I mean I love it when you dom me,” Buck turned his head from the pillow, still facing away from Eddie but letting him cuddle up behind him with an arm around his waist. “I don’t think I need it like that all the time. But it just hit me really hard that this was us, that you were blowing me because you wanted to, not because you were using me to get off. Not that I think what you do when you dom me is just that. I know it’s not. I mean part of it is, which is why-”

“Buck, stop tying yourself in knots. I know what you’re trying to say. It felt more real outside a scene. More us.”

Buck gave out a relieved sigh. “Yeah, that.”

“I get it. Sex is different when our dynamic doesn’t come out to play. Sometimes we’ll scene, some times we’ll fuck, and as sappy as it sounds, sometimes we’ll, y’know, make love. Hell, sometimes we’ll have days when we will be so fucking tired we’ll be lucky if we have the energy to trade handjobs. The point is it’s because I want you. I love you. I’m already fucking addicted to you. It’s not an audition, so you have nothing to prove. And if I have to put you in a blindfold and a cockring so I can take my time sucking your cock, it’s not a deal breaker, so stop worrying.”

Buck groaned. “I was hoping it was a one off, but I’m starting to like the sound of your solution.”

“Of course you do,” Eddie smiled. “But one way or another, I am going to be sucking your cock again, so stop overthinking it.”

“Sucking cock is fucking awesome,” Buck said whistfully. “It would be a shame for you to miss out.”

Eddie laughed, pressing his face between Buck’s shoulder blades, glad that he was finally starting to let it go.

“In fact, I could blow you now. If you want?” Buck offered hopefully.

“No, I’ve got a better idea,” Eddie said. “Pass me the lube.”

“It might be a bit soon for that,” Buck sighed. He pressed his ass back against Eddie, suggesting that maybe he wasn’t that sore.

“No, last night was intense, and I don’t want to risk hurting you. I want to try something else.” Buck handed him the bottle and started to roll over to face him, but Eddie stopped him. “Just the way you were is perfect.”

Buck gave him a curious look over his shoulder but stayed lying on his side as Eddie used the lube generously to slick up his own cock. His erection had barely flagged during their conversation, due in part to the fact that he could still taste Buck. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, everything about Buck was a turn on, he just hadn’t considered that there was so much potential pleasure in giving him head. 

“This is gonna be messy,” Eddie warned him, squeezing out more lube and rubbing it between Buck’s thighs.

“Fuck, why is that gross and still so fucking hot?” Buck asked.

“Because your thighs are a work of art, and deserve to be fucked,” Eddie said, guiding his cock into the tight slick space between them, and pulling Buck close.

“Remind me never to take you to an art gallery then. Pretty sure you’re not supposed to fuck art,” Buck laughed.

“Shut up. I’m busy here.”

It was messy, and a completely different sensation from Buck’s ass clenched around him, but it was still warm and slick, and, most importantly, Buck. There was a deep primal appeal to just rutting against the solid muscle of Buck's thighs, and a decadence of using his hard won strength for his pleasure. He probably wasn’t going to last very long, and it was definitely better for Buck’s ego if he didn’t try and drag it out right now.

“You like this? It feels good?” Buck asked as Eddie thrust between his legs, his cock nudging against his balls in interesting ways.

“So good,” Eddie groaned, as Buck squeezed his thighs a little tighter.

“Yeah, for me too,” Buck said breathily. “I love you using me to get off.”

“Keep talking.”

“I love when you just take what you want, like I’m just your toy.”

“Yeah? Keep going.”

“All that matters is making you feel good. I only matter because I’m the one thing that can get you off. It’s how it’s s’posed to be.”

“You’re fucking perfect…  Feel so good.”

“I want to be good for you. I want to be your…” Buck hesitated. Facing away from Eddie had made it easier to say some things, but Eddie could tell he was blushing, unsure if he’d finish that sentence.

“Say it, Buck. Say what you are for me. I want to hear you say it.”

“I’m good?” Eddie could hear Buck’s smile, even if he couldn’t exactly see it as he nuzzled Buck’s neck.

“You know what I want to hear. Fucking say it.”

“I’m… I’m a good boy.”

The words came out as a shaky whisper, but it was enough to push Eddie over the edge, making a glorious mess of Buck’s thighs.

“Holy shit!” Buck muttered.

Eddie laughed, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. “Warned you it would be messy.”

“Fuck the mess. That was…”

“You liked it?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, I did. A lot. So if you wanted to, um, try again? With the other thing? I’m kinda ready…”

Eddie rolled Buck onto his back and looked down.

“Oh, you really liked it then.”

Second time around, Eddie wasn’t taking any chances. Buck had already cum once, which took the edge off a little. He didn’t have a cockring, but he kept the fingers of one hand wrapped firmly around the base of Buck’s cock, which served the same purpose as he took him into his mouth.

Buck made the most beautiful sounds, and although using a blindfold was still something he wanted to try, right now he was glad they hadn’t used one so he could appreciate the awestruck look on Buck's face. There was still that heady undercurrent of having power over Buck, but it was secondary to the taste of him and the sensation of his mouth being invaded by the hard, velvety weight of his cock against his tongue. He loved it, maybe as much as Buck.

They hadn’t bothered cleaning up yet, so Buck’s thighs were still a mess of lube and cum. Eddie couldn’t resist running his fingers through it and rubbing it against Buck’s hole.

“Eddie, please… you’ve gotta let me…”

His jaw was aching, but he’d still willingly stay right where he was, prolonging it for as long as possible if he could, only he needed to give Buck whatever he wanted. After scooping up a little more of the mess from Buck’s thighs, he slid one finger inside him, finding his sweet spot and teasing it as he relaxed his grip on the base of Buck’s cock. Almost immediately he was rewarded with a hot rush filling his mouth as Buck cried out his name, and he drank it down, his mouth working Buck through it until he was whimpering.

He was reluctant to stop, but Buck was probably starting to feel oversensitive, so he let him slip from his mouth, before giving his softening cock a gentle kiss.

“Hmm, definitely need to be practicing that some more. Just so I know I’m getting it right,” Eddie said, sitting back with a satisfied look.

“Get it right? You couldn’t get it more right without my soul actually leaving my body,” Buck gasped.

Eddie grinned. “You can have two minutes to enjoy the afterglow, then we are hitting the shower.”

“I’ve created a monster,” Buck muttered, throwing an arm over his face.

“You can waste it grumbling, just don’t fall asleep. Shower then breakfast. And then probably laundry.”

Buck flipped him off, and Eddie laughed.

Buck was doing his best to hide his nervousness, but telling Christopher they were together was a huge deal. Hen and Karen caught on the moment they arrived together to pick him up, but aside from a few knowing looks, and Hen muttering “about time”, they didn’t draw attention to the situation. Buck suffered in silence all the way back to Eddie’s, picking at the seam of his jeans despite all the reassuring looks Eddie kept shooting his way.

When Eddie sat Christopher down and told him, Buck was completely blindsided but the first words out of Christopher’s mouth.

“I don’t get it,” he frowned.

Buck silently panicked, but Eddie kept his cool.

“What don’t you get? Is it because Buck’s a man?”

Christopher rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid, dad. I know that doesn’t matter. What I don’t get is why you dated Miss Flores if you could have been Buck’s boyfriend from the start.”

Buck didn’t know if he was internally laughing or crying with relief. It felt like a bit of both.

“That’s a great question, Chris,” he muttered. 

“Well, I didn’t know that Buck wanted to be my boyfriend.” 

Buck chuckled, the borderline hysteria settling into amusement as he watched Eddie squirm.

“Buck loves you. Of course he wanted to be your boyfriend. I thought maybe you loved him too, but I wasn’t sure. I’m glad you sorted it out.”

“Your dad can hide his feelings a bit too well sometimes. I wasn’t sure either for a while.”

Eddie reached for Buck’s hand and held it.

“But now you know how I feel.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Hen’s reaction was echoed by the rest of the firehouse, or at least by those who hadn't assumed that they were already a couple anyway. As much as Buck told himself they didn’t need it, Bobby’s approving smile still meant a lot. He assumed nothing would actually change at work, so his stomach sank when Bobby called him into his office.

“It’s not a problem is it? Us working together?”

“No, I don’t foresee it being an issue.” Bobby smiled. “I knew something had been brewing between you for a while now. I just wanted to give you the chance to update your paperwork, if you want to.”

Buck frowned. “Is there a form we need to fill in or something?”

“Not exactly. I’m not going to ask you any personal questions, but I just want to make sure you understand a few things, and if you want to make changes to your personnel file you can. If you don’t, that’s absolutely fine too.”

“Okay, what do I need to know?”

“Firstly, whether a person is a dom, sub or switch has no bearing on their employment.”

“I know that, Cap.”

“I just wanted to make sure that it is crystal clear. That said, subs have certain additional rights when it comes to legal and medical issues. The department recognises that in certain circumstances the support of their dom can be critical to a sub’s health and wellbeing. Rightly or wrongly, a switch doesn’t automatically have those rights. For example, if they were badly injured and unable to communicate their wishes, their partner would not necessarily have access to their hospital room unless their next of kin authorized it, and time off would not be guaranteed.”

“But there are ways around it?”

“Of course. The simplest way is to list their partner as next of kin, and they could still visit, and we’d try to be flexible about leave, but it wouldn’t be a priority. But a sub with a dom on file would be permitted to have them stay with them as part of their recovery process, no questions asked.”

“You want to know how I want Eddie listed. As my next of kin or as my dom.”

“I’m just making you aware of your rights. How you identify is entirely up to you.”

“What if a switch has a dom? Or a sub?”

Bobby grimaced. “It’s more of a gray area. The policy only specifies the rights of subs. Even if it were the dom who were hospitalized, it would be the sub’s rights that would ensure access. So in the case of an injured switch, a sub would have automatic access, but a dom would not. It’s not a perfect system.”

The hypothetical situations were more a curiosity than any kind of serious consideration for Buck. He had known since that first tentative scene with Eddie that he was a sub, he just hadn’t expected that it would impact his life anywhere but behind closed doors. Making changes to his personnel file was a small price to pay for the recognition their relationship would get with the department.

“Can I use your pen?”

Bobby smiled. “Of course.”

Eddie knew that Bobby would have no problem with him and Buck becoming official, and he could guess what he needed to talk to Buck about, he just wasn’t sure how Buck would feel about it all. Like many employers in high stress environments, the department recognised that a sub’s mental and physical wellbeing was tied to their relationship with their dom, but not everyone saw it that way. There were always a few assholes that complained that subs were babied, that if they couldn’t handle themselves without their doms looking after them they had no right to be in stressful jobs. The last thing Eddie wanted was for Buck to feel less than.

When Buck walked out of Bobby’s office beaming he knew he needn’t have worried.

“Everything okay?”

“Are you shitting me? Now I’ve updated my paperwork, if you get so much as a papercut I’m allowed to be there to nurse you through it! I’ve got rights, Eds.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up. “I don’t think that’s exactly how it works. And I’m unlikely to need a nurse for a papercut…”

“You know what I mean. If you get hurt, I won’t get in trouble for making you my priority.”

Eddie smiled. He really shouldn’t be surprised that Buck latched on to what it would enable him to do for Eddie rather than vice versa.

“I never really looked into all this before, ‘cause I didn’t think it applied to me,” Buck said.

“And you’re okay with it? Going on record as a sub?”

“Of course. I knew I was a sub, your sub, the second you put me on my knees. You made me make sense for the first time in my life. I’m not ashamed of that.”

Eddie wished he could get away with kissing Buck senseless, but they had to maintain a semblance of professionalism at work, so he settled for drawing him into a hug instead.

“I’m proud of you, Buck.”

“Yeah, well I’m proud to be yours.”

Buck went down a rabbit hole for the rest of the shift, googling employment law as it pertained to subs’ rights in different fields, and then branching off into psychology discourse on the nature of dom/sub relationships. Some of it was interesting, but Eddie had never really felt the need to overanalyze the subject. To him it was just a case of being mindful of each other's needs, but Buck’s enthusiasm for research was cute, especially when Chim’s patience wore a little thinner every time Buck started a sentence with “Did you know…?”

Their shift was nearly over when Eddie noticed that Buck had gone very quiet. He’d been reading on his phone for a while, and something about it clearly bothered him.

“What are you reading?”

“Just an article about club culture.”

“Okay, so what’s bugging you?”

“I really fucked up by causing a scene at Heather’s didn’t I? I shouldn’t have claimed you were my dom. I made you look bad, and she probably won’t let you go back there again.”

“Well, no, it didn’t look good. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to go there to find a casual sub any more, so it’s not really an issue.”

“She shouldn’t think you’re a bad dom. It’s not right.”

“She was a bit pissed, but she didn’t exactly kick me out. She could have just called the cops to take you away for causing a disturbance. Instead she let me handle it, which is very unlike her. If it was anyone else, I’d say she had a soft spot for me.”

“I should go apologize to her.”

“You don’t need to do that, Buck.”

“I want to make it right.”

“Let me email her. She’s a busy woman, and she probably wouldn’t see you without an appointment. I’ll test the waters and fill her in on what was going on. But it’s no big deal if she cancels my membership.”

“You sure?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Mr Diaz,

I accept your apology on the condition that such a scene will not be repeated. Your participation in a shibari demonstration on the 14th would be greatly appreciated. You may bring Mr Buckley as your guest. A sub will be made available for you for the demonstration, if required.

Lady Heather.

Eddie sat on Lady H’s reply for a few days before mentioning it to Buck. He’d downplayed his history with the club, not wanting Buck to feel any more guilty than he already did, but the truth was that there was more to the club than it just being a place where he could meet casual subs. Aside from the social element, Eddie had enjoyed honing his skills and taking part in demonstrations. He wouldn’t necessarily identify as an exhibitionist as he preferred to fuck in private, but there was a rush in putting a sub on show as they submitted to him that was heady. He wasn’t sure how Buck would feel about him being part of a demonstration, and Lady H’s invitation meant that Buck would either have to take part, or watch his dom scene with another sub, and neither would be easy for him. It was a test of sorts, one that Eddie wasn’t sure he should subject him to.

Now that Buck was on record as being Eddie’s sub he was fixated on being the best sub he could be. No matter how Eddie tried to explain to him that it was much more about how they connected with each other rather than a formal set of standards he needed to meet, he wouldn’t stop the research, or the constant questions. Eddie put his foot down when Buck tried calling him sir or master when they were alone, and it had taken a while to convince him that not only was it unnecessary but also a bit of a turn off. For Eddie the use of honorifics was something he utilized with casual subs to maintain emotional distance, not something he wanted from the man he loved.

Buck had never been to a club like Heather’s, and going might answer some of his endless questions. It would demonstrate the range of dom/sub relationships, and give him a chance to meet other subs in a non judgemental environment, but Lady H had made her conditions clear.

In the end he decided to leave the choice to Buck. Once Christopher was safely tucked up in bed, he showed Buck the email.

“This is great! She hasn’t blacklisted you, and I can come with you!”

“She wants me to take part in a shibari demonstration though. Would you be okay with that?”

“Shibari… that’s bondage with ropes isn’t it?”

“At its simplest, yeah. But it’s kind of more elaborate than just tying someone up. It’s kind of an artform in itself.”

“You must be pretty good at it if she wants you to demonstrate at the club.”

“I am her preferred rigger for demos, yeah.”

For a second Buck smiled like he was proud of him, but then his face fell.

“You must enjoy it. Why haven’t you done anything like that with me?”

“Hey, it’s not that I don’t want to. I’ve only ever done it at Heather’s because I don’t have gear of my own. And I wasn’t sure if you would be into it anyway.”

“If you like it, I want to try it. Besides, restraining me is always a good time.”

“It’s a bit more time consuming than just tying you to the bed. You’d need to be patient.”

“I can be patient!”

Eddie laughed, planting a kiss on Buck’s outraged lips.

“I can!”

Eddie nodded and gave him a fond look. “So do you want to see it? Should we go on the 14th? I’m pretty sure we’re both off that night.”

“You don’t want to do the demo with me?” Buck asked.

“I’d love to do it with you, but there will be a lot of people watching, and the sub taking part will have to be naked. I don’t know if you would be okay with being on display like that.”

Buck let out a noisy exhale. “I hadn’t thought of that. I guess it might be okay. I’d rather it was me than some rando.”

“You need to be sure. I won’t ask you to do something that you aren’t one hundred percent on board with. If I use Lady H’s sub there would be no sexual contact. I’d just do the demo and come right back to you. If you like what you see, we can get a private room and do whatever you want.”

“I still don’t love the idea of you touching another sub, even if it is just to tie them up, but I guess I can live with it if it’s just a demonstration, and if it gets you back into the club it’ll be worth it.”

“I don’t have to go back to Heather’s. There are other clubs we can go to if you want to try some stuff before we invest in some gear of our own.”

“Like ropes?”

“Amongst other things, yeah. I’m never going to have the space or budget for a setup of my own that could match what you find in a club, but I think we can do better than what we have now.”

“Okay, now I need to see her setup. We are going to Heather’s. I want to see what you can do with the right equipment. And I still want to apologize in person.”

“I’ll let her know then. But you can change your mind at any time. We can always find another club.”

Chapter Text

Eddie developed an annoying habit of snatching Buck’s phone away from him every time he thought he was googling shibari or anything connected to sub etiquette. It didn’t stop him completely, but it still made research more challenging. Buck knew he was a little obsessed, trying to build an image in his head of how it would all go down and how he should behave at the club, but every little scrap of information helped. He was so focused on what Eddie would be doing, who he might be doing it with, and what the club and its patrons were like, that what either of them would wear didn’t even cross his mind.

When the 14th finally rolled around, he nearly swallowed his tongue when Eddie arrived to pick him up. He wasn’t ready for the sight of Eddie all in black, wearing leather pants, combat boots, and an almost sheer sleeveless top, but it was the dark smudge of eyeliner that really pushed him over the edge.

Eddie smirked, enjoying Buck’s lust stricken expression. “Lady Heather kinda has a dress code for doms when it comes to demos. Got to look the part.”

Buck pulled him into his apartment, fighting the urge to lock them both inside so no one else got to see Eddie walking around looking like the promise of wild sex. The whole point of the outfit was that a lot of people were going to be watching him, and Buck had never felt so inadequate as he did standing next to him right then.

“Wuh… what do the subs wear?” He’d figured he’d be okay in tight pants and a shirt that was technically too small for him but showed off his arms, and now his usual clubwear seemed far too tame.

“Ideally, not much, and nothing at all if they are part of the demo. But don’t worry, there are no rules. It all comes down to what you're comfortable with, and you look great.” Eddie pulled him into a kiss. “Although there is something I would love for you to consider wearing for me.” He nuzzled against Buck’s neck, and he had to remind himself that their plans didn’t involve peeling Eddie out of those leather pants any time soon.

“Please, tell me what to wear. I have no fucking clue here.”

“I love what you’re wearing. I just want to add something.”

“I thought less was better.”

“No one will complain if you lose your shirt later, but this isn’t about clothes.”

Shyly Eddie held out a simple black leather collar. “I thought it might help if you had a tangible reminder that you are my sub. It’ll warn off other doms too.”

It was everything that Buck hadn’t known he needed until right then. Breathless, he sank to his knees at Eddie’s feet and bowed his head.

“You’ll wear my collar?” There was an almost formal tone to Eddie’s voice that Buck wasn’t sure was due to just the weight of the question or something more ritualistic, and there was no doubt about the symbolism of what Eddie was offering.

He looked up at Eddie, wanting to ensure that he understood what this meant to him. “Always, if you’ll have me.”

Buck had figured that collars were no more Eddie’s thing than being called sir, so he hadn’t thought much about being given one. As Eddie gently secured the leather around his neck, checking its fit, he felt elated, dizzy with the thought that everyone would know he was claimed, wanted, and owned.

Eddie smiled down at him, cupping Buck’s face in his hands.

“Beautiful.”

“Yours.”

“What’s it like inside? I couldn’t even find a picture online.”

Eddie smiled, reaching across the center console to squeeze Buck’s hand. “You’ll see in a minute. And there’s a good reason there’s no photos. Photography and recording of any kind is prohibited.”

“How does she enforce that? Everyone has a smartphone these days.”

“Besides the threat of prosecution and an astronomical fine? If you get blacklisted by Lady Heather it’s a given you won’t be able to set foot in a reputable club anywhere on the west coast. She doesn’t ban cell phones altogether, but if anyone even sees you with one in your hand outside the designated area where you’re allowed to use them, it can be up to a six month ban.”

“And everyone abides by those rules?”

“Almost all of the time. The only time I know of anyone even trying to break the rules was an influencer. I don’t know how she swung it, but the guy got a lifetime ban on pretty much every social media platform out there and he lost everything overnight. You don’t fuck with Lady Heather.”

“Yeah, that’s really not helping with my nerves. After last time, are you sure they will even let me in?”

“Relax. Lady H invited you. It’s more likely that she’d turn me away if I didn’t bring you with me. Trust me, she wants you there.”

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave. Should I let you do all the talking?”

“Just relax and be yourself. The only two things you really need to remember is respect and consent. Everything else is negotiable.”

“Except using my cell.”

“Leave it in the car if you’re worried about it. I always keep mine on me because of Christopher.”

“Yeah, maybe that’s a good idea.” Buck tucked his phone away in the glovebox, before adding his keys and wallet too. It wasn’t like he’d need them, and it would be easier to focus if he didn’t have to worry about losing them at the club. He was pretty sure Eddie would insist on buying his drinks anyway.

The same two doormen were stationed at the front of the club, and Buck couldn’t help but tense at the sight of them. Eddie took his hand, leading him right past them and into the club with just an up nod of acknowledgment. As soon as they were inside, Buck let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding.

“See? It’s fine. You’re welcome here,” Eddie said, squeezing his shoulders.

“Yeah, it’s just a bit surreal after last time.”

“Come on. We’ll sign in and then you can come see what all the fuss is about.”

Eddie was greeted by a guy at a podium who looked like a concierge, and it only took a moment for him to sign his tablet.

“Do I need to sign something?” Buck whispered.

“Not tonight. You're my guest, so I'm solely responsible for your conduct here.”

Buck grabbed his arm, holding him back from the double doors that he assumed must lead to the club itself.

“What if I fuck up? There must be more I need to know.”

“Buck, you’ve spent weeks researching. You probably know more than I do at this point. Just relax, take it all in, and if there is something you need to know, just ask me. Whatever impossibly perfect standard you’re trying to set for yourself, just forget it. You’re a new face here, so no one is going to expect you to know what’s what, okay?”

“Okay. But you’re not going to go straight into the demonstration thing, are you? I mean, we’ll get a chance to just hang for a bit?”

“I won’t be on until much later. Usually there are a few others who go on before me, and then when I’ve done my bit there will be a workshop for anyone who is interested in learning the basics. We’ll have plenty of time.”

“Sounds like you’re the headline act then.”

Eddie laughed. “Something like that. You ready?”

Squaring his shoulders, Buck nodded.

“Remember, you can tap out at any time. You are far more important to me than this place.”

Buck was fully expecting to find a dungeon beyond the double doors, a place like the vaguely industrial backdrops he’d seen in porn, maybe with cages, chains hanging from the ceiling and a concrete floor. At the very least he expected there to be some visible signs of depravity, but although more than a few of the patrons were scantily clad, there wasn’t even any full nudity, and the warm lighting revealed that there was nothing suspect going on, even in the limited privacy of the numerous seating areas. It was a clean, elegantly decorated place, more like the lounge of an upscale hotel than the porn set he’d imagined.

“Not what you were expecting?” Eddie asked.

“It’s a lot more welcoming than I thought it would be. It seems pretty chill.”

“This is where people hang out. There are two more floors upstairs where most of the fun stuff happens. Lady H’s definition of consent extends to people not having to see things they don’t want to.”

“I guess I never thought of it like that.”

“A lot of places don’t.”

Eddie led him over to the bar, stopping to say hi to a few people on the way, but Buck only managed a smile and a nod, not really taking in names and faces. As much as Eddie had insisted that this place wasn’t that important to him, it was obvious he was at home here, and people were pleased to see him. The clientele was an eclectic mix of people, ranging in age from their early twenties to late fifties, and Buck was relieved to see he wasn’t the only one wearing a collar. He nearly did a double take at a couple who had to be well into their seventies, sitting at a table sipping tea from fine china cups as if they were at a church social rather than a sex club.

Eddie followed his gaze and smiled. “The Donahues. They're here more often than not. Nice couple.”

“They do know what this place is, right?”

Eddie laughed. “They’ve told me on more than one occasion this place is the reason they are still so happily married after fifty-two years. Mrs Donahue gets to live out all her GILF dominatrix fantasies while Mr D watches. He’s really into cuckolding.”

“Huh. And there are younger guys who are into that?”

“A lot more than you’d think. She’s really popular.”

“Each to their own, I guess.”

Eddie had already told him the club didn’t serve alcohol, but it was still weird to see so many people drinking tea. Eddie ordered a soda, and Buck chose a fruit juice blend that came in a pretentious looking bottle, not trusting himself with a carbonated drink. His nerves were bad enough without worrying about embarrassing Eddie with an ill timed belch.

He led Buck over to a loveseat with a good view of the small stage. There was a chair, some oversized bean bags and a low bedlike platform already set up and atmospherically lit. Buck’s stomach clenched at the thought of Eddie standing up there, laying hands on another sub, even if it was just to demonstrate his rope tying skills. 

He looked around at the people in the room, trying to imagine what it would be like to be laid bare, the focus of their attention as Eddie tied him up. It was daunting, but not as daunting as before he’d seen the place for himself. Lady Heather’s strict code of conduct in itself was reassuring. This felt like a safe place, and it wasn’t like he was ashamed of his body. He was in great shape, and with no threat of someone sneaking a photo, it would just be the people in this room who would see him. Could he be okay with that?

Maybe Eddie was right. He needed to be more than just okay with it. He could safeword out at any time, but it wouldn’t be fair to bottle out halfway through when Eddie could have used a model who could handle the whole show.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, settling one hand against the back of Buck’s neck, right above the collar. Buck relaxed back into him, reassured by the physical contact.

“Yeah, just taking it all in.”

A young latina woman with curls tumbling over one shoulder, wearing a forest green corset and not much else waved at Eddie. He smiled and gestured for her to join them, and her face lit up in a wide grin as she walked over.

“Eddie! I’m so glad you’re here! I haven’t seen you in months.” She planted a kiss on Eddie’s cheek, and Buck frowned. His heart sank like a lead weight as he imagined what kind of past the two might share. If she was the sub Lady Heather had in mind for Eddie to work with tonight, he might just be sick.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. Buck, this is Martina. I guess you could say she’s one of my students.”

“Eddie taught me everything I know about shibari. He’s a great teacher, so if I fuck up tonight it’s all on me.”

“You’re taking part in the demo tonight?” Buck asked, once the jealousy receded enough for him to speak.

“Yep. I’m up first with Bella. I can’t believe you’re here to see it, Eddie!”

“You’re gonna be great,” Eddie reassured her. “You’re a natural. I take it things are going well with you and Bella then?”

“We moved in together last month. My folks still think it’s too soon, but when you know, you know, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Eddie said, giving Buck that soft look that made his insides melt.

“Wow, I never thought you’d actually…” Martina blushed. “I mean, you kinda have a reputation of being…”

“Perpetually single?” Eddie laughed.

“Unattainable,” Martina corrected him. “I’m glad you found your person. You’re a very lucky guy, Buck. You’ve broken more than a few subs’ hearts tonight just by being here with Eddie.”

“Um, thank you? Or should that be sorry?”

Martina laughed, and walked back to the small group of people who seemed to be waiting for her. Buck assumed that the curvy black woman who slipped her arm around her waist was Bella.

“Why am I not surprised that you’re a heartbreaker around here?” Buck muttered. “It’s bad enough when you’re in uniform."

“She’s exaggerating,” Eddie said. “Besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re turning a few heads yourself.”

Before he could ask why Martina didn’t know that Eddie had dated Ana for months, the house lights dimmed slightly and an auburn haired woman with piercing eyes stepped onto the stage. She was a commanding presence, and the room fell silent immediately. Buck had no doubt that this was Lady Heather herself, and he found himself sitting up a little straighter.

“Good evening. Before we begin this evening’s shibari demonstration, please ensure all cellphones are muted and safely stowed away. This is your only warning. Lockers are available to secure personal belongings. Just see Sophia by the changing rooms.

“Should you be inspired, feel free to take part in our workshop after the demonstration to learn some of the techniques being exhibited by our very talented riggers. Your safety is important to me, so please take advantage to learn from some of the very best the city has to offer.

“First up this evening are Martina and Bella.”

There was a smattering of applause as Lady Heather stepped down from the stage before it was cut short by an exasperated look and a shake of her head.

“People tend to behave themselves more when she does the announcements herself,” Eddie whispered. “But there are a few people so desperate for her attention they always clap, even though she hates it, in the hopes they’ll catch her eye.”

“Does it work?”

“Never, but maybe that’s what gets them off. It’s the only reason I can think of that she’d tolerate it.”

Buck chuckled.

Martina stepped up onto the stage, hand in hand with Bella, who had changed into a dark satin robe. Martina took her face in her hands, giving her a quick kiss before standing back and nodding. Bella untied the belt at her waist and slipped off the robe, placing it on the chair. She was completely naked, and Buck was half expecting a few catcalls or whistles from the audience, but was met instead with a respectful silence, broken only with a few discreet whispers. Bella only had eyes for Martina, and nothing about her body language hinted at unease at being so exposed.

“Is this really their first time?” Buck whispered.

“As part of a demo? Yeah, but they will have practiced a lot in private.”

Buck watched as Martina handled the rope confidently, turning Bella this way and that as she used the doubled up rope to weave around her partner’s torso.

“The hardest part for the sub is to resist the urge to help, or anticipate what the rigger needs to do next,” Eddie whispered as Bella lifted her arm without Martina’s direction, earning herself a sharp look.

“Yeah, I can see how that would be hard.”

“It’s much better when a sub gives themselves over to the rigger. The end result is beautiful, but it’s really secondary to the process itself.”

Martina paused, muttering something in Bella’s ear before resuming her task. She worked slowly but confidently, checking the placement of every knot to make sure it was symmetrical and not too tight against Bella’s body.

“Is she okay? Bella looks a bit wobbly.”

“Yeah, she’s just getting into it now, but Martina’s got her.” 

The ropes entwined high around Bella’s chest formed a five pointed star that pointed down between her breasts, before it twisted around to frame them, and as Martina turned her around, Buck could see the rope formed a deep v against her back. She wove in the ends of the rope, and reached for another length. She quietly checked in with Bella, before drawing her wrists behind her, and binding them together. Watching the repetition of her movements as she wove the rope between Bella’s  forearms, cinching them closer and securing them in place was almost hypnotic.

Buck was about to tell Eddie that he was right, that this was an artform, when Martina finished up and turned Bella to face the audience, and the words stuck in his throat. Bella was still a bit unsteady on her feet, relying on Martina to maintain her balance, but it wasn’t that that caught his attention, or the erotic way the rope framed her body, pushing forward the fullness of her breasts, but the look on her face as she gazed at her dom. He recognised it because he knew what it felt to sink that deep at Eddie’s hands, to be so disconnected from anything but the person who put you there. It was oblivion and safety all rolled into one, and whatever else happened tonight, he knew he could not live with watching Eddie give that to anyone else.

Someone was bound to comment on him finally bringing a partner to the club, but he wished Martina hadn’t made it sound like he was so sought after. Sure, he never had trouble finding a willing sub, but that was more down to the fact that he’d put in the time to hone his skills. Most people could do it if they put in the effort.

Eddie was proud of the way Martina handled herself. She’d clearly been putting in the time to practice since he’d last seen her, but most of his attention was on Buck during the demonstration, trying the gauge his response. He was clearly fascinated, but much more than that was hard to read on his usually expressive face. Buck loved bondage, but this was something way beyond a cheap pair of handcuffs in the privacy of his bedroom. He caught Buck’s sharp inhale as Martina turned Bella to face the audience, revealing the intimacy between the two women on stage as they gazed at each other. Not everyone was as comfortable with showing such a tender moment with their partner to an audience, and it was far too early in their relationship to ask that of Buck. The fact that he had turned up out of the blue wearing Eddie’s collar was already drawing more attention than he’d anticipated, and he didn’t want to force Buck into the spotlight if he wasn’t ready for it.

Martina led her sub to the oversize beanbags, guiding her down so she could hold her for a while before gently releasing her from her bonds.

“There’s a dedicated room for private aftercare to the side of the stage,” he explained. “But for obvious reasons, it’s easier to deal with the ropes first.”

Buck nodded as Martina helped the still blissed out Bella to her feet and off the stage.

“What did you think?” He asked as music started, indicating there would be a break before the next couple.

“I definitely want to try that,” Buck said, wide eyed and smiling.

“I was pretty sure you would.” Before he could add that it didn’t have to be tonight, another couple he’d taught in a workshop came over to say hello, and that led to another round of introductions and small talk as more people joined them. Buck seemed to be taking it all in his stride, but all the congratulations on Eddie finally finding a partner had to be raising a question or two in his mind. 

When the lights dimmed and the music stopped, everyone drifted away, finally giving them a little privacy.

“Why don’t they know you dated Ana?” Buck whispered.

“I never brought her here.”

“Why not?”

Eddie brought his finger to his lips and made a quiet shushing sound as the next couple stepped onto the stage.

Eddie recognised the dom as someone he’d talked to a couple of times, but it was pretty apparent that the sub wasn’t someone he was in an intimate relationship with. It was subtle, something in the more clinical way that he moved her body, and the slightly more detached way she looked at him, but to Eddie it was obvious. It was a more technically advanced tie, on par with what Eddie remembered of the guy being a self proclaimed exhibitionist. He recognised the chest harness with integrated arm restraints as one it had taken him quite a while to learn himself, and he had to admit the guy was doing a pretty decent job of it.

Buck asked the odd question here and there, and Eddie tried to answer them as best he could without implying any kind of expectation. He’d love to show Buck what he could do, but he was having serious regrets about agreeing to be part of the demonstration.

“He was good, but I’m not sure she was as into it as Bella was,” Buck said as the couple left the stage.

“Yeah, a scene with a casual partner is very different from one with someone you have a more intimate connection with.”

“That makes me feel a little better about all the subs here still panting to have another scene with you.”

“Is it too weird? We can leave if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. It would be hypocritical of me to have a problem with it given my sexual history.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it though.”

“I can handle it, Eds. Besides, everyone has clearly got the message we’re together.”

Eddie smiled, glad that Buck saw the distinction between their respective pasts and what they shared together now, and from the corner of his eye he spotted a familiar figure talking with Lady Heather at the bar.

“Maybe not everyone,” he said between gritted teeth.

Buck followed his gaze, his face falling when he too recognised Ana.

“You have to be fucking kidding me. What’s she doing here?”

“I have no idea.” The fact that she was wearing one of the club’s satin gowns gave him a nasty suspicion though.

Chapter Text

“Eddie, I was about to come and introduce-”

“Ana. My ex girlfriend.”

Medusa had nothing on the look Lady Heather sent Ana’s way.

“That is something Miss Flores neglected to inform me of. Though it does perhaps explain her insistence on volunteering for the demonstration.”

“I wasn’t aware that she was even a member here,” Eddie said.

“I was waitlisted for months,” Ana said, addressing Eddie with her chin thrust forward. “It’s much harder when you don’t have a recommendation from an existing member.”

Lady Heather sighed. “For good reason. It is in part to avoid situations like these. You stated on your application that you were not acquainted with any current members.”

Ana sagged a little, no longer standing quite so tall. “I knew Eddie used to be a member, before we were together. I had no way of knowing if he still-”

“You didn’t want to risk me alerting Mr Diaz by asking him to vouch for you.” Forget turning people to stone. Lady Heather’s glare could have cut through steel. “Eddie, I distinctly remember you promising not to bring any further drama to my club.”

“I’m sorry. I genuinely had no idea. And I definitely wouldn’t have agreed to take part in any demonstration with Ana.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise, when we were still dating,” Ana said, still addressing Eddie, and avoiding looking directly at Lady Heather. “I wanted to prove to you that I could handle harder scenes. By the time I finally passed the background checks, we’d split up, but I thought: why shouldn’t I use my membership?”

“That doesn’t explain why you tried to force me into doing a scene with you.” Eddie gritted out.

“You both know that nothing happens here without the full consent of both parties,” Lady Heather said. “Which rather begs the question, what on earth were you thinking?”

Ana paled, dropping her gaze to the floor. “I wasn’t. I just thought that if Eddie saw me with someone, maybe he’d feel… something. But when I saw Eddie was here with Buck, after all of the times he swore to me there was nothing going on between them… that he brought Buck here at all… the collar… I wanted him to face me.”

“I’ve heard enough, Miss Flores. Mr Diaz is not at fault here, and you are not welcome here this evening.” She gestured to a member of staff who spoke into his radio, summoning security. “Please collect your belongings. Andre will wait while you change and escort you from the premises.”

“Eddie, I-”

“Not another word, Miss Flores. I will be in touch to discuss your conduct this evening and the status of your membership.”

Deflated, Ana left without further comment, and Buck slid his hand into Eddie’s, giving it a sympathetic squeeze.

“You won’t let her come back, will you?” Buck asked.

“That depends on a number of factors. Has she tried to contact either of you since the breakup? Is this part of a wider pattern of behavior?”

“No, we’ve had no contact at all. When did she really apply for membership?” Eddie asked.

“Five months ago.”

Eddie frowned. “That was when we were still together, so that tracks with what she just said. I really had no idea she’d applied. She asked me to bring her, but when I refused I thought that was that.”

“I’d like to ask you some more questions regarding your former relationship before I decide on the best way to move forward, if you don’t mind.”

“Why?” Buck asked. “She’s obviously going to be trouble.”

Lady Heather smiled, and Buck wished he’d stuck to his original plan of letting Eddie do all the talking tonight.

“As I recall, Mr Buckley, you were nothing but trouble on your first visit, uninvited no less, and yet here you are, on your second chance. Miss Flores clearly has some attachment issues when it comes to Eddie, but she has been part of our community for several weeks now without incident. I have a duty of care to ensure she receives the support she needs to move on with her life, whether or not she remains a member here. She is not the first individual I have needed to assist in such a situation.”

“Thank you, Lady Heather,” Eddie said sincerely. “Whatever she believes, Buck and I only got together after we broke up.”

“Oh, I believe you. The chemistry between you is palpable. I can’t imagine Buck tolerating sharing you with anybody else.”

Eddie frowned. “About the demonstration. I don’t think-”

“I’m doing it.” Buck’s heart was racing, but his mind had been made up even before they spotted Ana. Maybe it was in part because he knew there was a good chance that a lot of people here had watched Eddie scene with casual subs, and he wanted to show them the difference, to let them see that they shared a connection that rivaled what Martina and Bella had. But mostly it was because he wanted to feel that connection as Eddie got a chance to shine. Ana didn’t even figure into the equation. 

“You don’t need to prove anything, Buck. Just because Ana was willing to do it doesn’t mean you have to go through with it if you’re not ready.”

“This has nothing to do with Ana, Eds. I want to do it. Kinda need to, now I’ve seen what it’s all about.”

The worry on Eddie’s face proved Buck still had a lot of convincing to do. The house lights dimmed again as another couple took to stage, and Buck considered taking their conversation outside so as not to disrupt the demonstration or anger Lady Heather further.

“Mr Buckley, perhaps you would like to watch the next session whilst I have a private word with Eddie. I’d hate for you to miss out.”

Buck knew she was referring to him missing the next part of the demonstration, but there was a slight twinkle in her eye that hinted that that was not all she was referring to.

“Will you be okay on your own for a bit?” Eddie asked.

“I’ll be fine. It seems like a pretty civilized crowd.”

Lady Heather laughed. “Just be sure to stay on this floor. The rules are different upstairs.”

Eddie slipped a finger beneath Buck’s collar, tugging him forward into a kiss that gave him goosebumps. It was obvious he was marking his territory for anyone not already watching the couple on stage, but that only made it sweeter.

“I’ll be back soon, “ he promised.

Following Lady Heather to her office felt a lot like being sent to the principal, but refusing her invitation to talk was not an option. Eddie felt guilty for leaving Buck to fend for himself, but he was a grown man, and there were plenty of people he was at least slightly acquainted with that he could sit with if he wanted to.

He hadn’t been to Lady Heather’ office since the interview that was the final stage in getting his membership approved, but not much had changed. A bookcase full of psychology texts still filled one wall, an uncluttered desk backed onto another, and the tea set still sat on a side table within reach of both a comfortable chair and a chaise longue. There were maybe a few new art pieces on the wall, and Eddie had always had his suspicions as to what the elaborately carved chest in the corner contained.

“May I offer you some tea?” she said, indicating that he should take a seat on the chaise longue.

“No thank you. I’m fine.”

She smiled, and took a seat on the chair facing him. “You’re eager to get back to Buck. I can appreciate why.”

“Yeah, having my ex pop up out of nowhere kinda complicates things.”

“That too. Was there anything out of the ordinary about your relationship with Miss Flores? Or about your breakup?”

“Not really. She was a lot more invested in the relationship than I was. She seemed okay with my friendship with Buck, and that’s all we were whilst I was with her, just friends. Buck was going through some stuff, and Ana knew that I was soft domming him when he needed it. I guess in retrospect she was maybe too okay with it.”

“You think she was pushing aside her own feelings to ensure the success of your relationship?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“How did you meet?”

“Through my son’s school. She was a teacher there for a while. She was good with him.”

“Ah, I’m starting to see a picture here. There was an expectation that she would be an appropriate partner for you, a stepmother for your son.”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“And the breakup?”

“She was upset. She assumed there was something going on with Buck, and at that point there wasn’t, but she didn’t want to hear it. She cried, threw me out of her apartment, and that’s about it.”

“I’m reasonably satisfied that her behavior tonight is nothing more sinister than her struggling to get over the end of what she saw as a long term relationship. She will need to attend therapy before I can consider letting her return.”

“You can make her do that?”

“No, but I can insist on receiving a letter from a licensed therapist confirming she has undergone treatment before I reactivate her membership. Whether she decides to accept my terms is up to her.”

“I guess that’s fair. I never meant to hurt her the way I did. I should have ended things sooner.”

“I take it your relationship with Buck is progressing a great deal faster.” There was no judgment in her enigmatic smile, and Eddie got the feeling that she had initiated this conversation as much to talk about Buck as to discuss Ana. “You brought him here. Something you never did with Ana.”

“We work together, and he’s my best friend, so we were pretty close to begin with.”

“He seems eager to take part in the demonstration tonight.”

Eddie frowned. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“You are accustomed to scening with a casual partner. Has he ever witnessed that?”

“No, and I don’t want him to.”

“But you don’t want him to participate either. Why is that?”

“It’s too soon. He’s only recently started to identify as a sub.”

“If neither option I presented to you for this evening is acceptable, why come at all?”

She had him there. How did he think this would play out? “Because Buck wanted to see it. This place, the people here… I guess I wanted him to see it too. I don’t want to keep things from him, and this is an important part of what made me the dom I am.”

“Even if it meant losing access to the club by not fulfilling my request to take part in the demonstration?”

“If necessary, yes.”

Lady Heather gave him an approving look. “Correct answer, Mr Diaz.”

“Does that mean we will still be welcome back if we skip the demo?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t penalize you for putting your sub’s needs first, but are you sure that’s what you are doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Buck wants to take part in the demonstration.”

Eddie shook his head. “No. He’s got it in his head that not doing it would let me down, but he doesn’t have to prove anything to me, or anyone else for that matter.”

“But perhaps he would like to. Do you trust him?”

“Of course!”

“Have you any reason to believe that he wouldn’t use his safe word if he needed to?”

“No, but-”

“Has he expressed a genuine interest in shibari?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then really it comes down to if you want to participate. If you don’t, those feelings are perfectly valid, and something you need to discuss with your sub.”

Eddie let out an explosive breath. Lady Heather’s background in psychology was part of the reason her club was so successful, but sometimes her level of insight was overwhelming. He could leave with Buck, and try and figure this out alone, but that would involve disappointing him.

“I guess… I don’t want to let him down. Or let him think he’s letting me down. He identified as a switch for most of his life, and he thinks he has some catching up to do to make sure he does things right.”

“There is no right way or wrong way to be a sub if the dynamic between you is a healthy one.”

“I know, but he wants so badly to be perfect for me. I can’t get it into his head that who he is is already everything I want.”

“You love him.”

“I really do.”

“Then trust him. I shouldn’t have to remind you who holds the real power in a scene. Give him the chance to be the sub he wants to be.”

Buck tried to focus on the scene playing out on the stage, and although the chemistry between the couple was better than the last one, watching the woman hogtie her partner did little to distract him from Eddie’s absence. It was impressive to see a five foot nothing woman restrain a much more muscular man with such ease and confidence, but he made the mistake of glancing over at the Donahues, and the predatory look on Mrs Donahue’s face as she watched the woman work was a little unnerving. 

He headed to the bar to buy another drink, only to remember that he left his wallet in Eddie’s car with his phone. He asked for tap water, but was handed a bottle of overpriced mineral water instead. He was about to protest when someone slapped some cash on the bar.

“Forget your wallet? I gotcha. This one’s on me.”

“Martina?” She smiled, pleased that he’d remembered her name. He smiled back, relieved to see one of the few people he actually remembered talking to. “I thought you and Bella would still be holed up somewhere.”

“Ordinarily we would be,” Bella said, catching the bartender’s eye and gesturing for another bottle. “But once we saw Eddie all dressed up ready to play, we didn’t want to miss the show.”

“You are taking part, aren’t you?” Martina asked. “Eddie is one hell of a rigger.”

“I want to, but I’m not sure Eddie’s onboard with the idea yet.”

“Aww, he wants to keep you all to himself!” Martina cooed.

“Says the hopeless romantic.” Bella rolled her eyes. “I’d vomit but it’s a little hard to argue when we’ve all seen you’ve managed to finally melt the iceman.”

“Iceman?” Buck’s face scrunched up, his jaw dropping in disbelief.

“Eddie’s a great dom. No arguments, one of the best, takes good care of his scene partners. but…” Martina hesitated. “How do I put this?”

“Emotionally unavailable. At least in a scene. I kind of thought he was aro.”

“Aromantic? Eddie?” Buck couldn’t help laughing. “Trust me, he’s not. And he’s anything but cold.”

“No, we’re not saying that he’s not a great guy. He has a lot of friends here, and is fun to hang out with. It’s just when he goes into full dom mode, he’s just kind of… distant. Unreachable, I guess.”

That had never been Buck’s experience with him. He’d just assumed that anyone who’d subbed for Eddie had seen what he had. To find out that people who had watched him scene so often thought otherwise was a revelation.

“I don’t know what to say. Eddie is-”

“I’m what?” Eddie asked, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist.

“Well, I can’t say perfect now, can I?” Buck laughed, leaning back into him. “He’s clingy. A total nightmare. Can’t take him anywhere.”

“You love it,” Eddie said, nipping Buck’s ear. “And also, you’re a total hypocrite. If someone’s gonna get our asses fired for fooling around at work, it’s you.”

“You’re a firefighter too?” Martina pretended to fan herself. “New fantasy unlocked.”

“You’re such a slut,” Bella grumbled. “You don’t even like cock.”

“I don’t know. I may be sliding up the Kinsey scale as we speak…”

“Babe, you would know what to do with a cock if it came with instructions, and you know it.” Bella laughed.

“Can’t you at least pretend to be jealous?” Martina pouted.

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, darlin’, You know that.” She looped her arms around Martina’s neck, and the two of them were soon too busy making out to continue the conversation.

“I told you there’s no absolutes when it comes to what makes a good sub,” Eddie said, turning Buck around. “Believe me now?”

“They certainly seem to make it work,” Buck admitted. “At first glance-”

“You’d assume Bella was the dom? Not really the way it works, Buck.”

“I get that. You know they call you the iceman, right?”

“They’ve never seen me with someone who really matters to me. Wanna change that?”

“You want me to do the demo?”

“I always wanted to do the demo with you. I just didn’t want to make you feel like you had to do it for me.”

“That’s only part of why I want to do it. There’s a whole bunch of other reasons too. What made you change your mind?”

“Lady H asked me if I trusted you. I couldn’t really argue with that.”

“And you’ll be okay with it if I need to safeword out?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Always.”

“Then we’re going to do it.”

Buck’s nerves really set in when he changed into one of the club’s robes. He went to the bathroom twice, worried that his second drink would come back to haunt him midway through the scene. They were up next, and his gut feeling was that Lady Heather would be watching. Due to the shock of finding Ana at the club, he never had gotten around to apologizing for turning up unannounced and demanding to see Eddie, and now it seemed he had even more to thank her for.

He was grateful that Eddie hadn’t kept asking if he still wanted to do this. He did, but now they were only minutes away from their scene all the what ifs were bubbling up in his brain again. He wished he’d paid more attention to the guy getting hogtied.

“Is it okay if I get hard?” He asked Eddie as he untied and retied the belt to his borrowed robe for the fourth time. He didn’t want it tied so tight that he couldn’t untie the knot, but the fabric was slippery, so he didn’t want to risk it sliding loose prematurely either.

“I can guarantee Lucas was as hard as a rock when Zoe was tying him. It’s kind of difficult to miss.”

“Lucas?”

“The guy on stage when I was talking to Lady H.”

“Oh, I was a bit distracted. But what if I don’t get hard? Doesn’t that make it look like-”

“Buck, it doesn’t matter either way. It’s no reflection on either of us if you get hard or not. There have been guys who barely even chub up, and there have been others that only get a minute into the session before cumming on the spot. It’s all fine.”

Buck groaned. “Well that’s something else to worry about then.”

“Buck, you’ve got this. And I’ve got you, okay? Before you ask, there are safety shears at the side of the stage, so I can cut you free the second you don’t want to be there, whatever the reason.”

Buck forced himself to take a deep breath, hold it for a second, before exhaling slowly.

“Lady Heather isn’t going to announce us or anything, is she? I mean she only did that for the first couple.”

“She’ll make any announcements when we’re done. Probably thank all the couples taking part.”

“Good. That makes it easier somehow.”

“You ready?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah.”

Walking out to the stage, Buck was aware of all the eyes in the room on them, but Eddie’s familiar presence at his side steadied him. Maybe it was the fact that Eddie was wearing his combat boots and Buck was bare footed, but it felt like Eddie was much taller than usual, somehow looming over him, and he drew strength from the way his presence commanded the attention of the room in a way that only Lady Heather herself had achieved. Buck was a curiosity to the audience, but Eddie was a fucking rock star. The club had been busy all night, but now it was standing room only.

The house lights dimmed, but not quite enough to completely obscure the patrons of the club from view. At least he couldn’t make out the table where the Donahues were sitting. He’d hoped that it would be more like being on stage at a theater, where the bright lights on stage would dazzle the actors, but the lighting was carefully balanced to ensure that whoever was on stage remained aware that others were watching.

Eddie took his hands, much like Martina had done with Bella, prompting him to look at him instead of the silent audience, and suddenly it was just them. The warmth and affection in those brown eyes settled his racing thoughts. Beyond the smudged eyeliner, leather pants, and rock star swagger, this was still Eddie, the real Eddie that no one here but Buck really knew. Buck was safe in his hands.

Eddie whispered, “I love you,” before giving him a gentle kiss and stepping back.

Buck realized this was his cue to disrobe, and now the moment of truth had come, he was only too happy to do it.

Eddie smiled his approval, and indicated for him to sit on the edge of the bedlike platform. Buck hadn’t asked how Eddie was going to tie him, but he’d assumed it would be similar to what he’d already seen tonight, but Eddie started with his legs.

The rope wasn’t as rough as it looked, and the scent of hemp reminded him that these weren’t anything like the ropes they used at work. Eddie had him bend one leg at the knee, about as far as it would go, and began tying it in place. Fragments of Buck’s research came back to him, and he thought this might be what they called a frog tie. He’d ask Eddie later, but right now he knew he had to focus on letting him position him how he wanted. It was difficult to resist the urge to help when it looked like the rope might get tangled, but Eddie always seemed to anticipate the problem before it got too snarled up.

As a ladder-like pattern started to emerge against his skin from groin to knee at the side of his leg, he could feel himself start to sink into that still, quiet place where everything but Eddie slipped away. He fought to stay present enough to appreciate Eddie's deft movements with the rope, but the sensation of being bound, held safe by his handiwork was intoxicating.

By the time Eddie had finished his other leg, his mind was in a blank, happy fog. 

Somehow Eddie managed to maneuver him so he was sat back on his heels, facing the side of the stage. He knelt behind Buck, placing his hands on his shoulders, and leant in to whisper something in Buck’s ear. Buck couldn’t focus on what the words were, but they still gave him a warm feeling deep in his belly. Unsure if Eddie was trying to check in with him, Buck sighed and turned his face towards his lips, which seemed to satisfy him enough that he let out a soft laugh, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Eddie ran his hands down Buck’s arms, taking hold of his wrists and bringing his hands to clasp the opposite elbows behind his back. Buck held the position as Eddie took another length of rope and began securing them in place, weaving the rope in an intricate pattern of knots across his chest. Now Buck could only feel him work rather than actually see it most of the time, he sank deeper, all awareness of the club, the audience watching, how he looked or reacted, anything but Eddie and his rope, fell away.

He wasn’t even sure when Eddie finished, when he went from working the rope to running his hands over his body. His skin was hypersensitive, to the rope and Eddie touching the panels of skin peeping out between it, and he felt caught in a perfect moment of arousal without the need to push through into orgasm. He was held, surrounded by Eddie and his ropes, and nothing could touch them.

He had no idea how long they were suspended in that moment, but when he felt the rope disappearing loop by loop, it was accompanied with more skin contact from Eddie, soothing the ache of its loss. He could live with it if less rope meant more Eddie, and at some point when he was laid on his back while Eddie freed his legs, he let go, trusting that Eddie would take care of him.

Chapter Text

Trust him…  Give him the chance to be the sub he wants to be…

Eddie knew Lady Heather was right, and Buck had everything he needed to make an informed decision about going ahead with the demonstration, but his motivation for doing it was something only Buck really knew. Eddie had made it clear that he would walk away from the club and never look back if that’s what Buck needed, but he couldn’t take this decision away from him.

Buck had safeworded before, and Eddie thanked him every time he did, assuring him the tapping out was always the right choice, whatever the reason. The stakes were higher here, with the added pressure of an audience, but the principle was the same. Buck had called yellow a few times before, to alert Eddie that something was in danger of becoming uncomfortable, but the single, vehement red he’d yelled out was to object to Eddie licking his belly button (“I don’t care how well anyone says they clean them, those things are the cesspit of the human body”).

What Eddie hadn’t reminded him of was that he had the option of safewording out too. He’d done this often enough to recognise when a sub was struggling with a scene. As much as someone might love the idea of shibari, the reality was sometimes too much, and he’d learned to read the early signs of trouble. He’d ended scenes abruptly before, even resorting to using the shears once, averting a full blown panic attack from a sub he had scened with on many occasions previously without issue. He never made assumptions. He was more in tune with Buck than any other sub, so the risks were reasonably low, but the one factor he couldn't account for was if Buck later had regrets.The fact that Eddie wanted this so badly only added to the fear that Buck was just doing this for him. 

Trust him…

He could feel Buck’s nervous energy radiating off him as they walked to the stage, and Eddie leaned into his public dom persona, hoping that the confidence bordering on arrogance would take some of the pressure off him. He’d done this countless times before, but it was like the difference between a training simulation and a real emergency situation. You still brought your A game to a drill, because you were being observed and judged, and people could still get hurt, but nothing mattered the way it did in a real fire. He’d gone through the motions with more people than he could remember, but none of them mattered the way Buck did.

Once they were facing each other on the stage, Eddie felt his carefully constructed facade crack as he looked into Buck’s eyes, and only Buck could do that to him. What the audience had come to see, whatever they were used to seeing from him, was irrelevant. The setting might be different, and the techniques Eddie was about to use were a new experience for Buck, who they were to each other never changed. Eddie didn’t need the armor of his iceman persona. Buck got to have all of him.

He felt a surge of fierce pride when Buck shed his robe. He was so beautiful it made his heart hurt, and although an audience was watching, Buck was baring himself for him and him alone. 

Buck’s eyes were bright and alert as he began the tie, taking everything in, and letting Eddie have complete control of how he positioned his body. Buck’s dick hardened, as Eddie knew it would, but Buck didn’t even seem to notice. He could tell Buck was fighting to stay present, even as his breathing slowed and his eyes lost a little of their focus, but that was his choice. As long as he was showing no signs of distress, Eddie was happy to continue, letting muscle memory take over as all his attention was on Buck.

By the time he’d finished his legs, Buck was losing his battle against the lure of sinking deep into subspace. Eddie knew it was curiosity that had made Buck fight it so hard, but he could only resist it so far. Buck was made for this, and the rush of getting him there was just as intense as ever, a high like no other.

“You’re so fucking beatiful. So good for me.”

He’d planned to check in with Buck at this point, but he was so far gone he wasn’t sure if he would even understand without him dragging him out of his happy place completely.  Buck had a praise kink, and maybe Eddie had developed one for praising him, because whether Buck comprehended his words or not, he needed to tell him how well he was doing. The words themselves might not have reached him, but Buck still turned to the sound of his voice, reaching for whatever contact Eddie would give him, and he couldn’t resist kissing him. If they were alone it would have much more than a soft kiss on his cheek, but there were limits to what he was willing to share with an audience, assuming Buck had even consented to that.

The leather pants were certainly a look but he really could have used a little more room for his cock, and he took the opportunity to adjust things a little when he turned his back to the audience to retrieve another length of rope. It was no secret that he got off on tying a sub up, but he normally took care of the actual getting off in part in private. He had to take a few deep breaths to make sure the combination of a roped up, blissed out Buck, and the chaffing of tight leather pants didn’t give the audience more than he bargained for.

He’d chosen a configuration for Buck’s torso that pinned his arms behind his back, knowing that would open his chest up, making it easier for him to breathe and avoid the feeling of claustrophobia that some subs struggled with. Buck was under so deep that Eddie had to account for supporting him as he worked. It wasn’t unusual for a sub who was enjoying the experience to go floppy on him, so it didn’t phase him. He was ready for it to happen, but the primal pride when it did, at giving this to his strong, beautiful sub was overwhelming. Like the symbolism of the collar, which Buck had reluctantly agreed to remove for the demonstration, it was a manifestation of everything Buck willingly gave to Eddie, and proof of Eddie’s dedication to be deserving of that trust. It was the closest thing Eddie had ever had to a spiritual experience with a sub, only possible because of the depth of trust between them.

He’d been careful to check Buck’s circulation throughout the process, but he made a show of doing it again just to take his time running his hands over Buck’s body. It probably wasn’t fooling anybody watching, but he needed to preserve every detail of this moment before he released Buck from the rope back into his arms.

Removing the rope was as much a part of the scene as tying them, and as he worked them loose they revealed the slight indentations they’d left in Buck’s flesh. They were temporary, pinking up as blood rushed back to the surface of the skin, but they were Eddie’s marks on Buck’s body, and he ran his fingers reverently over every single one.

When he was done, he sat cradling Buck’s head in his lap, murmuring how well he had done, how proud of him he was, and Buck looked up at him with a soft smile, as if Eddie was sharing all the secrets of the universe with him. 

Lady Heather definitely gave them more time than usual before the lights came up, signaling to Eddie that it was time to take Buck’s aftercare behind closed doors, but he clearly wasn’t going to be able to move under his own steam just yet. Eddie figured that the same thought had occurred to Lady Heather when she sent one of the security team towards the stage, but Eddie had carried bigger men than Buck much further than the few steps to the aftercare room. It wasn’t as romantic as carrying Buck bridal style, but he still heard a few soft gasps from the audience as he hoisted Buck onto his shoulders. A rare look of surprise broke through the security guy's usual bored facade, but he continued his approach.

“Lady Heather would like to offer you use of the suite. I’ll get the door.”

Eddie followed him to the door at the side of the stage, grateful that he wouldn’t have to deal with trying to open it. Just because he could carry Buck’s weight didn’t mean it was easy. Lady Heather was probably laughing her ass off at his caveman-like display, but no one else was getting near Buck when he was this vulnerable.

The suite was a separate set of rooms off the aftercare room, and it was usually only made available for VIPs or when it was needed as a dressing room for visiting performers. For nights like this, when there was a relatively high turnover of couples needing a private space, they only opened up the more basic aftercare room, so no one got any ideas about getting too comfortable when other couples would need it after them. Giving Eddie the suite was a big deal, and it meant they were welcome to stay as long as they liked.

Eddie barely had time to take in the details of the reception room besides the prevalence of mirrors and couches, and fortunately the security guy understood his assignment, leading him straight to a room with an enormous bed, and dropping the key to the suite on the nightstand before making himself scarce.

Eddie’s attempt to lower him gently onto the bed was impeded by Buck’s reluctance to go. He wasn’t very coordinated, but he was determined, and Eddie needed a breather after carrying him from the stage, so he let Buck awkwardly cling to him while his heart rate settled down.

When Buck seemed reasonably convinced that Eddie wasn’t going to leave him, he tried to sit up, but Buck yanked him back down by his shirt.

“Babe, you need to let me take care of you. You at least need some water.”

“Don’t want water. Want you,” Buck whined, shoving his hands beneath Eddie’s shirt and pawing at his chest.

“If you let me give you a drink of water, I’ll take off the shirt.”

Buck considered it for a moment, before ripping the flimsy fabric right off Eddie’s back, but Eddie rolled away before he had the chance to grab him again. Buck was not happy about that, so Eddie moved fast, kicking off his boots, grabbing a couple of bottles of water from the mini fridge in the corner. It looked well stocked with food too, but that would have to wait.

“Eddie?”

“I’m here, amor, I’m here.”

Eddie climbed back on to the bed, wrapping his arms around Buck as he pressed his face into his chest. He was trembling, and Eddie was second guessing whether getting the water was really worth it, but the skin to skin contact was helping. The tremors faded away as Eddie told him in soothing tones how much he loved him, how good he had been, and that he would never leave him.

Eventually he persuaded Buck to drink some of the water, and as soon as the bottle touched his lips he drank it all, and even had some of Eddie’s too. He snuggled back against Eddie’s chest with a contented sigh as Eddie ran his fingers through his hair, happy to give him this for as long as he needed. They had all night.

Nothing beat waking up in Eddie’s arms, and there was no doubt that that was exactly where Buck was. How did he always smell so damn good? He always tasted it too. He was wondering if Eddie might be up for an early morning blowjob, when the thought hit him that he was forgetting something.

“Welcome back, sweetheart. How you feeling?”

His face was definitely smooshed against Eddie’s bare chest, but he was wearing something on his lower half that felt like… leather?

His eyes flew open as it all came rushing back, the club, the demonstration, getting naked in a room full of people while Eddie tied him up. When he looked around, he saw they were no longer on the stage, but lying on an extraordinarily comfortable bed in a cozy room with a mini fridge and more pillows than could fit on even this giant bed with two full grown men. A door ajar off to his right that looked like it led to an ensuite, and there were two more doors, but they were closed, so who knew where they led.

“Where are we?” Buck asked.

“The aftercare suite.”

“I don’t remember leaving the stage.”

“You were out of it. I had to carry you back here.”

“Was I… was I okay? Did it go alright?”

“You were absolutely perfect. If Lady Heather allowed it, we would have gotten a standing ovation. How are you feeling?”

“Tired but awesome. Kind of wrung out like I just… oh, fuck! I didn't, did I?”

“Hard throughout the whole thing, but no. You didn’t cum. You’re just feeling the after effects of all the endorphins. It wouldn’t have mattered if you did though.”

“But I didn’t?”

“No. I take it you liked it then?”

“Fucking loved it. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“Buck, I want you to know… this wasn’t just another scene for me. I’ve done this shit more times than I can count with a lot of different people, but this, tonight with you? It was so much more. It was special to me. I can’t really put it into words, but… it was everything. You are everything.”

Buck propped himself up on one elbow. “I melted the iceman then?”

“Yeah, into an over sentimental puddle of goo,” Eddie grimaced. “My rep is totally shot, thanks to you.”

“Good. You’re my goo now. They can lust after your rockstar swagger all they like, but you belong to me.”

“My what now?” Eddie scoffed.

“You know what I’m talking about, Mr leather pants, with your sexy guyliner.”

Eddie threw his head back and laughed.

“Don’t deny it. You have groupies, don’t you?”

“You’ve probably got a few of your own after tonight. Do you have any idea how hot you looked? You weren’t the only one who had to worry about blowing his load onstage.”

“Almost a shame there’s no cameras allowed. I would love to see a picture.” Buck sighed, snuggling back into Eddie’s arms.

“I can ask Lady Heather. Maybe there’s some footage from security cameras or something,” Eddie suggested.

“Yeah, but I think what I really need is for you to do it all again. Just to be sure you can take pictures from the right angles.”

“Just for the pictures. Right. Got it.”

“Definitely time to invest in some of that rope. For the pictures.”

“Mm-hmm.” Eddie nodded, mock seriously, and tilted Buck’s face towards him for a kiss. There was no urgency in it, and after the high of the scene, everything felt surprisingly post coital considering neither of them had actually cum.

“Will someone else need to use this room?” Buck asked.

“Nope. We’re getting the VIP treatment tonight. We even got the suite. We can use it for as long as we like.”

“I hate to say it, but I’m in danger of falling asleep.”

“That’s the post endorphin crash talking. You’ll feel better after a snack.”

Eddie rolled out the bed, and started investigating the contents of the mini fridge. Buck pulled himself up to lean against the headboard, and stroked some of the faint marks left on his skin by the ropes. There was barely anything to see.

“I thought they’d leave more of a mark.”

“Oh, they did. But they’ve had a chance to fade. Shame you missed it. Think you can manage a club sandwich? It’s that or some kind of pie thing. There’s some mixed nuts and a few cookies too, but if you want candy we’ll have to ask at the bar.”

“I’ll split the sandwich with you. Candy later. How long was I out?”

“About an hour. New record. Juice or water?”

“Water. And get back in bed. I’m getting cold.”

“Sorry. I would have had it all ready for you but you were part man, part octopus. I literally couldn’t let you go.” He sat back down next to Buck, who slid closer so that he could reclaim some physical contact.

“Glad you managed to lose the shirt at least,” he said. 

“No, that was all you. I’m going to have to borrow a shirt for the ride home.”

“Wear mine.”

“Then what will you wear?”

“Uh, I hadn’t thought of that.”

Eddie smiled at him fondly. “Still not quite firing on all cylinders yet then?”

“Shut up and feed me.”

The bickering, Eddie holding him, and feeding him both halves of the sandwich despite intending to split it, was familiar and grounding after the intensity of the scene. Eddie said he’d been out of it for an hour, but bits of it were coming back to him now. He might have dozed a little towards the end, but he remembered Eddie trying to put him down on the bed, and ripping his shirt off. He’d have to replace it. Buck really liked the shirt. The rest was less distinct, a haze of gentle touch and loving words wrapped around him while he drifted. What happened onstage was a little clearer in his memory, but what was sharpest was the way Eddie had made him feel: safe, owned, protected. It was sexual, but it was also something more profound than that, and he couldn’t put a name to it.

“Is it always that intense?” Buck asked.

“Not even close. Nothing even compares to doing that with you.”

“You don’t have to say that. I know you’ve done scenes like that a million times before.”

“Buck, I haven’t ever had a scene like that before. There’s going through the motions, and there’s what we just did. Only you could give me that.”

“Thank you, for trusting me when I said this was what I wanted. I know you had doubts.”

“They were fears rather than doubts. I didn’t want you to do anything you’d regret.”

“I don’t regret it, Eddie. Not for one second.”

“I don’t think we can do it again though.”

“What? Why the hell not?”

“Because I don’t want an audience there watching the next time, when I get to fuck you like that. Only I get to see you cum.”

Buck was not a tween with her first crush, but Eddie’s possessive rumble was definitely making something swoon like happen in his chest. He took a sip of water just to stop himself blurting out something stupid. Images of all the different ways Eddie could tie him up and fuck him flickered through his head.

“These rooms, upstairs, just how well equipped are they? Can everything handle a guy my size?” Buck asked.

“Definitely. What did you have in mind?”

“I might have seen some pictures where the sub was kinda… hanging from the ceiling?”

“You’re talking about suspension. Kinda the holy grail when it comes to shibari.”

“As in unrealistic?”

“More like what everyone wants to achieve. The risk involved is higher but… definitely something we could work towards.”

“You’ve never done it?” Buck liked the idea of them doing something for the first time together.

“No, but I want to, with you.”

“We’re definitely coming back here then.”

Eddie was right about getting something to eat, he did feel more alert now, but also restless.

“We can stay in here for as long as you like, but we don’t have to.” Eddie said. “You can grab a shower and freshen up. Take a look around the rest of the club, or just hang out by the bar. Although I should warn you, the dress code even for downstairs goes right out the window at this time of night.”

Buck thought about it. A lot had happened tonight, more than he expected, what with Ana showing up, and he needed some time to process it. What he craved right now was what felt safe and familiar.

“Is it okay if we just go home? I just don’t have the mental energy to be around other people right now.”

“Of course. You wanna stay at mine? Chris is at Pepa’s until lunchtime tomorrow.”

“Sounds fucking perfect. Although I feel like I’m doing this whole sex club thing wrong if we leave without actually having sex.”

Eddie laughed, although Buck hadn’t entirely been joking.

“It’s not a prerequisite. If you’d have been with it enough to consent once we left the stage, we would have, but right now I’m just as beat as you are. I just want to get home, get out of the damn pants, and go to bed.”

“Still feels like we’re doing it wrong.”

“Not if it's right for us.”

Buck’s clothes had been left in the outer room with all the mirrors. Eddie made it sound as if no one would have a problem with him walking stark naked through the club to retrieve them from the dressing room where he’d left them, but he was glad it wasn’t necessary.

“I would have fetched them for you,” Eddie smiled, as Buck got dressed with obvious relief.

“Yeah, but then I’d be here and you wouldn’t.”

“God, I love it when you’re so needy.”

Buck blushed, but Eddie gave him that soft look that made the embarrassment worth it. Eddie held out Buck’s collar, quirking an eyebrow.

“You, uh, don’t have to put it back on if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. Although I’m pretty sure there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind who I belong to.”

Eddie fastened the collar back around Buck’s neck, and they shared a lingering kiss before venturing back out into the club.

The workshop was drawing to a close, and it looked like Lady Heather herself had been presiding. Four couples, including Martina and Bella were helping to recoil the ropes they’d been using, and pack them away. Lady Heather caught Buck’s eye and smiled, and he figured now was his chance to thank her.

“Eddie, I want to have a quick word with Lady H before we go.”

“Okay, but don’t call her Lady H to her face.”

“Any other tips?”

“You’ll be fine. She likes you.”

“How can you tell?”

“Quit stalling.” Eddie gave him a peck on the cheek and went to help with the clearing up. Buck stopped to admire his shirtless boyfriend, and how good his ass looked in leather for a little too long, because when he snapped out of it Lady Heather was right there, talking to him.

“My staff generally know all of our members by sight, but I still like to issue a card to avoid misunderstandings.”

She was holding out a plastic ID card, embossed with his full name along the bottom beneath a large stylised letter H.

“You’re letting me become a member? I thought you had to do background checks.”

“I did my due diligence after your first impromptu visit. Eddie’s face was quite the picture when I told him you were here, and it piqued my curiosity. I know all I need to know about Evan Buckley. We have a mutual friend in Athena Grant, and her insight carries a lot of weight.”

“Athena’s a member here? And she vouched for me?”

Lady Heather smiled, acknowledging his questions but not committing to answering them.

“She’s married to my captain, but I guess you already knew that. You would have heard the good and the bad then.”

“I form my own opinions, Buck. And from what I’ve seen of you and Eddie together, you are the sub he was waiting for. The one he deserves. I hope you visit us again.”

The unexpected validation almost brought tears to his eyes. He blinked them back, reminding himself that he still had something to say.

“Thank you, for giving me a second chance, for this place, and everything it’s given Eddie. And for handling Ana tonight too.”

“She needs time and support, as many do when dealing with a broken heart.”

“You’re a bit of a romantic, aren’t you Lady Heather?” Buck asked, knowing he was pushing his luck, but not quite able to stop himself.

She gave such a sudden, full bodied laugh that the rest of the room seemed to stop and stare.

“You sound like my partner, but I’ll tell you what I tell him. I am merely an observer of the human condition. He insists that a true observer would not try to influence the outcomes of her test subjects, so maybe he has a point.”

“He doesn’t approve of the club?”

“He understands what this place is to me, which is more important. I don’t approve of his entomological pursuits, but I understand what they mean to them. All healthy relationships require compromise.”

“Entomology… isn’t that-”

“Bugs. So many bugs.” Lady Heather shuddered.

Buck pulled a sympathetic face, as Eddie walked over, looking slightly concerned about whatever Buck had said to make Lady Heather laugh.

“Take him home, Eddie, before he pries any more secrets from me.”

“What was that about?” Eddie asked once she was out of earshot.

“Uh, I called her a romantic, and she said her partner collects bugs.”

Eddie looked dumbstruck. “I didn’t know for sure she even had a partner. She never talks about them.”

“Well, all I know is that he collects bugs, and he sees the club as some kind of human behavior experiment.”

“Her PHD is to do with psychology, so that’s not a stretch. She definitely likes you.”

“Enough to offer me a membership, apparently.” Buck said, showing him the card.

“I would have never set foot in this place again if you asked, but I’m glad you gave it a chance. Let me just grab a t-shirt from the bar, and we can go home.”

“They stock t-shirts at the bar?”

“Sweatpants too. Wardrobe malfunctions are pretty common around here.”

“Don’t forget my candy!”

Chapter Text

“I could get used to this,” Eddie sighed.

“Me waking you up with a blowjob?” Buck grinned. He'd happily start every day this way, watching Eddie go from bleary eyed, with pillow creases on his cheeks, to fully alert, thrusting into his mouth, urging him on with a stream of cursing in a low rumbling voice, still rough with sleep.

“That too. I meant waking up with you in my bed.” He manhandled Buck back to lie down beside him, and Buck was only too happy to sink back against his warm, sated body.

“Well, when Christopher is staying the night elsewhere, we don’t need to worry about being disturbed,” Buck said. “I don’t think I could ever look him in the eye again if he-”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Deflect with a joke. You did it last night when I told you how much doing that scene together meant to me.”

“Did I?”

“Yeah, bringing up the iceman thing and talking about guyliner. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I just…” Buck sighed.”You’re a really big deal at Heathers. Lady H pretty much said so herself. You could have the pick of literally anyone.”

“I don’t want anyone. I want you.”

“Yeah, but-”

Eddie untangled himself from Buck’s embrace, and pushed himself up so he could sit looking down at Buck’s worried face.

“This whole iceman thing, my reputation at the club… it’s not quite what you think it is. I need to explain.”

“Okay.” Buck sat up too, frowning, not sure where Eddie was heading with this.

“My therapist suggested I try going to a club, early on in my sobriety, when Shannon and I were estranged. It was a way for me to have an outlet outside of the marriage, for me to find some stability. I didn’t want anyone to know my business, and I was kinda ashamed, like it was disrespecting my marriage vows. At first I would only scene with a sub once before moving on, which meant I scened with a lot of people, and I guess building up that kind of experience paid off. But it also unintentionally gave me a kind of, I don’t know, mystique I guess. I was always really clear with my boundaries, which added to it becoming a whole thing.”

“No sex?”

“Yeah. Some people took that as a challenge though, which was all kind of awkward. So I started taking part in every workshop Lady H offered. It was the safer option for a while. I picked up some new skills, got really into shibari.”

There was more Eddie needed to say, Buck knew it. Eddie was chewing on his lip, a telltale crease between his eyebrows that Buck longed to smooth away.

“You started doing demos?” he prompted gently.

“The first time Lady H asked me to take part, things were improving with Shannon, I was moving back in with her and Christopher, so I turned her down. I planned to stop going to the club at all. I figured things were getting better, so no need, right?”

“But that’s not the way it went?”

“No.” Eddie paused, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Switch is such a catchall term. I guess I didn’t really figure that out until I was in therapy. For some people it means they get what they want, what they need in either role. Others need both roles at different times, and some can go either way, but they have a strong preference for one or the other. I didn’t really get that just letting Shannon take charge every now and then wasn’t enough to counterbalance all the times I needed to be dominant with her. She basically told me I had to keep domming at the club to work that shit out of my system so she didn’t have to deal with it all the time at home.”

“Fuck.” Buck could only imagine how much that had hurt, to have such a huge part of his identity rejected, to find out that it had been merely tolerated in the first place. 

“I should have known, should have picked up on it.” Eddie sounded ashamed, and that ripped at Buck’s heart.

“She should have fucking told you!”

“We were just kids when we first got together, still figuring ourselves out, but having Christopher just changed all our priorities. I was selfish. I signed up, got a chance to be something other than just a parent and a spouse, and she never got the chance to do that. I changed, and I never gave her the chance to do the same. I made her miserable.”

“So were you, Eds. And it wasn’t like being deployed was a vacation. She wasn’t exactly there for you when you came home and hit rock bottom.”

Eddie shook his head. “That is in no way on her. I had to dig myself out of that mess.”

“And you fucking did. You did the work, you made it right. You are a fantastic dad, and a man I am so fucking grateful to have in my life.”

“Yeah, well… you can see how the whole iceman thing makes me a bit uncomfortable. It’s all tied in with me being a shitty husband.”

“The fact that you and Shannon were ultimately incompatible as a couple doesn’t mean you were a shitty husband. Did you love her?”

“Yeah, for a really long time I did.”

“You loved her and respected her, Eddie. You couldn’t know what she didn’t communicate to you. And when she did, you drew a line and didn’t cross it. You only let yourself have what you needed to get by.”

“I just don’t see how I could have done things differently, given what I knew at the time.”

“Then stop beating yourself up about it. I’m just glad you had Heather’s to get you through it all. From what I’ve seen, it’s an amazing place. You’ve got good friends there.”

Eddie laughed. “I think I was a pet project for Lady H for a while. She pushed me to want to be a better dom.”

“And you are an incredible dom, Eddie. I’m sorry I’ve never told you just how amazing you are.”

Eddie was never good at taking compliments, but this time he took Buck’s hand, and muttered a soft thank you.

“I just want to ask one more thing about the club…”

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Just one?”

“Why did you never take Ana if she was so desperate to go?”

Eddie sighed. “A lot of reasons. You saw what a big deal it was when I took you. Can you imagine how Ana would have reacted to that? She was always pushing for more and… At first I thought I just wasn’t ready, after Shannon. I kept waiting for deeper feelings for her to kick in, to make it all mean something, but being with her wasn’t all that different from scening at the club. I thought maybe that was all there would ever be for me, but then… Fuck, when you knelt for me, I finally felt how it was supposed to be.”

“So it was my fault you split up.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yes, Buck, it was all your fault that you saved me from another doomed relationship, and made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. You asshole. How dare you make me fall in love with you.”

“Well, it’s only fair. I fell in love with you first, once I got over you being so perfect all the time.”

“I’m not perfect, Buck, but I’m also not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me. Now do I have to drop a bigger hint about wanting you to move in or are you going to miss that one too?”

“Wait… What?”

“You. Me. Getting to wake up together every day.”

“You meant that?”

“I mean, I don’t think you should give up the loft right away. I don’t know how long you have left on your lease, but maybe just plan to spend a few more nights here, bring over some of your stuff, and see how it goes?”

“I… I don’t know what to say. I mean… yes, obviously, yes. It’s just…” Buck exhaled slowly. “I wasn’t expecting you to bring up living together.”

“Shit, I shouldn’t have asked right now. I’ve just dumped a lot of my emotional baggage on you, and right after a big scene too. I know it can take a while to put yourself back together. You could still have a crash, and I shouldn’t have put pressure on you like that.”

“Hey, I’m not falling apart or anything. I’m just still getting used to the idea that I get to have all this, to have you. I was kinda bracing myself to fuck it up last night, and when it all went so fucking well… I’m just still waiting for the other shoe to drop, y’know?”

“Buck, we’ll both fuck up at some point, but I’m not gonna let the idea of what bad shit might happen ruin all the good times. I’ve learned my fucking lesson, so when we do fuck up, we’re going to talk about it and figure it out.  I love you. And I know you, so I know you are gonna worry no matter what I say, but it’s okay. I can wait while your busy brain processes it all.”

“I really don’t want to screw this up, Eds.”

“You won’t.”

Eddie leaned in, cradling Buck’s head in his hands, and Buck’s breath caught in his throat looking into those warm, brown eyes that knew him so well, that saw him as who he could be before he even understood it himself. For the first time he recognised that Eddie might really need him, not some hypothetically perfect sub, him, Buck, with all his imperfections and baggage.

“Do you get it now?” Eddie asked. “I’m never going to walk away. I won’t give up on you. I’m yours, and you are mine for as long as you will have me.”

Buck nodded.

“Say it for me, Buck.”

“You’re mine, and I’m yours.”

Eddie smiled, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“Now lie back, and let me take care of you.”

Buck still had a slightly dazed look about him as they pottered about the kitchen making breakfast, and Eddie knew that only a small part of it was down to him reciprocating the blowjob Buck had woken him with. Buck was past the initial hair trigger issue whenever Eddie’s mouth was on his dick, but Eddie was absolutely ruthless with the way he’d edged him. It wasn’t what he’d set out to do, but after he backed off the first couple of times Buck was close, he just couldn’t resist wringing more of those desperate, breathy moans from him.

He could practically see the cogs turning in Buck’s brain, working through what moving in together would mean. Eddie hoped it wouldn’t be too long before he realized that his place was here, with him and Christopher, and it always had been. Buck already spent a good portion of his time at the house anyway, so it wasn’t much of a leap to move in, but letting the loft go, not having his own place to retreat back to, was a major decision.

“We haven’t even done the meet the family thing yet,” Buck blurted out.

Eddie laughed. “Buck, you’ve met most of my family on multiple occasions, and you’re not exactly close with your parents. I think we’ve got it covered already.”

“Yeah, but not like as a couple.”

Eddie sighed and pulled out his cellphone.

“What are you doing?” Buck asked.

Eddie didn’t respond until he hit send. “Group text. Now my family knows we’re together.”

Buck’s eyes widened, grabbing the phone. “You didn’t!”

“I absolutely did.”

Eddie tried to play it cool, sipping his coffee with all the nonchalance he could muster, but his heart was beating a mile a minute when the notifications started pinging one after the other, and Buck read them. He was ninety percent sure that it would be fine. Maybe eighty five.

“Huh,” Buck frowned.

“What?”

“You’re sisters want to know when exactly we got together. There seems to be some money riding on it.” He smiled. “Pepa and your abuela said about time. Your mom is talking about coming for a visit, and your dad…”

Eddie struggled to swallow his coffee around the lump in his throat. His dad was the only one he wasn’t sure of.

“My spanish isn’t quite up to getting all of it, but I think he’s okay with it? There are eye roll emojis from your sisters so I’m not sure.”

He handed the phone back to Eddie, who scanned the message, and let out a sign of relief.

“The gist of it is that he’s glad that he’s happy that I’ve found someone who finally has my back, although it’s a shame you’re not latino.”

“Neither is your mom.”

“Yeah, but it’s his usual gripe when his kids date anyone who isn’t of Mexican descent. Trust me, in his own way he’s given us his blessing.”

“He has? No freak out over the fact that I’m a guy?”

“Apparently not.”

Buck narrowed his eyes. “You weren’t sure about how your dad would react.”

“Not completely, but if he’s gonna be an asshole about it, I’d rather he did it long distance. You gonna tell your folks?”

“Nah. Maddie can tell them. Or better yet, let them figure it out when I let them know I’ve moved.”

Eddie smiled. “You can send them a card.”

Never one to do anything half-hearted, Buck had moved most of his stuff in by the following week, and hadn’t slept a single night back at the loft. What was left behind was mostly stuff he planned to donate, and he hadn’t quite gotten around to organizing it. Christopher was thrilled that Buck took over most of the cooking, and it took some convincing to persuade him that he didn’t need to prepare an elaborate breakfast every morning. Christopher was shameless about treating Buck like his personal chef, not that Buck minded in the slightest, and Eddie had to threaten to stop buying his favorite cereal if he didn’t have it for breakfast once in a while.

“He’s a growing boy, Eds,” Buck protested when Eddie caught him making Christopher French toast after he’d already had cereal, yogurt, and a bagel.

“He’s an opportunist, and you are an enabler.”

“I don’t mind, and the kid needs a good breakfast.”

“Just remember you are only cooking for three, not a whole firehouse,” Eddie sighed, accepting the plate piled high with food that Buck handed him.

“I know what I’m doing.” Buck gave him a loud, enthusiastic kiss on his cheek that had Christopher giggling, before whispering in his ear. “And if you don’t like it, babe, you can always punish me once Chris is at school.”

Eddie quickly sat at the table, glaring at Buck who knew exactly why. Teasing him, however covertly, in front of Christopher was just plain evil, and they both knew it came with consequences.

“Eat up, Chris. I’ll drop you at school today. Your dad has some things he needs to take care of.”

Yeah, Buck was literally asking for it with that not so innocent smile, and Eddie was already running through the possibilities. He couldn’t stand up to give Christopher a hug, but he didn’t seem to mind a one armed squeeze, as Eddie pretended to be too busy eating to get up.

“See ya later, dad.”

“Have a good day. Love you.”

“I’ll be right back. Eat up. You’ll need your strength.” Buck winked.

Eddie finished his breakfast, and started on the dishes while he waited for Buck to return and face his punishment. He kind of loved it when Buck was a bit of a brat, although he could live without him provoking him when Chris was in the room. The kid was oblivious for now, but sooner or later he was bound to catch on.

He was contemplating if now might be the time to break out the rope he’d bought and kept hidden from Buck for a special occasion, when there was a knock at the front door. He frowned, wondering if Buck was up to something, or had somehow lost his key. The last person he expected to find on his doorstep was Shannon.

“Hi.” She sounded nervous.

“I didn’t know you were back in town.” She shrugged, as if to say, well you know now. “Sorry. Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, I think we need to talk.”

“You want a coffee?” he asked as she walked in, looking around. She’d been to his house before, but only briefly when she was picking Christopher up or dropping him off. He wondered if she noticed the subtle signs of another adult living here. Buck’s laptop was on the dining table, his running shoes by the door, his favorite mug left in the living room. He really should have told her that Buck was moving in, and he would have hit the roof if their roles were reversed and she'd moved a boyfriend in to where Christopher was living.

“I’ve been meaning to call you.” He figured it was best just to rip the bandaid off right away. “I know Christopher told you that Buck and I are dating, but, well, things are going really well, and-”

“I know Buck’s moved in. Christopher told me that too. It would have been nice hearing it from you first, but I know Buck’s a great guy. I know how much he helps you with him, and Christopher adores him.”

Eddie let out a deep breath. “Things moved kinda fast. I wasn’t deliberately keeping you out of the loop. Thanks for understanding.”

“My mom died two days ago. I just don’t have the mental resources to be pissed at you right now.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I should have put it together that you wouldn’t have left if…”

Shannon tried to put on a brave face, but the tears were welling up. Eddie pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back as she lost her composure completely, sobbing into his shoulder.

“I have to go back, to sort out all my mom’s things, but I just needed to see Christopher. I’ve missed him so much, and I just need to hold him.”

“Buck’s just dropped him off at school, but he’ll be so glad to see you.”

“Assuming I can pull myself together by the time he’s home,” Shannon said, pulling away, and rummaging in her purse for a tissue.

Eddie guided her to sit at the table, and held her hand once she’d tidied herself up a bit. She looked way too thin, and the bags under her eyes made her look pale and sickly. He hadn’t stopped caring about her just because they weren’t in love any more, and he felt bad that she’d been left to deal with watching her mother slowly die on her own. He should have at least tried to take Christopher for a visit. It would have meant a lot to her, but he’d been so focused on getting through day to day life, then everything with Buck, that he’d not really kept up with what was happening with her mom. He didn’t like to intrude on her facetime calls with Christopher, so he’d hardly even spoken to her since she left for Florida.

“Have you got somewhere to stay? Have you still got tenants in the old house?”

“I’m staying with a friend for now. My stuff is already in storage, so the tenants took over my lease permanently. I have to decide what my next move is. I have a good job in Florida, but Christopher is here. God, I can’t even think about it all until after the funeral.”

“It’s gonna be okay. You’ve been through a lot. Give yourself a chance to grieve before you make any big decisions. Maybe see a grief counselor.”

Shannon nodded, but her lips were pressed together in that hard line that told him he’d somehow got something wrong.

“Sorry, I guess I’m stating the obvious.”

“It’s fine. I know you’re trying to help, but I’m not really looking for advice right now.”

“I guess I never was good at just listening.”

“No, but that’s Buck’s problem now, isn’t it?” She gave him a weak smile, just enough to let him know she was just teasing him.

“Are you really okay that we’re together? With him moving in?”

“I was a little surprised that you were with a man at first, but knowing how close you and Buck were to start with? It sort of made sense once I got over the initial surprise. Does he make you happy?”

It felt wrong bragging about just how happy Buck made him in the face of Shannon’s grief, but he couldn’t help the soft smile at her question. “He really does. We’re good for each other. Speak of the devil…”

Eddie jumped up to head Buck off when he heard the key in the lock. He wouldn’t put it past him to start stripping the moment he got inside, given the way he’d left things earlier.

Buck grinned  when he saw Eddie jogging up to the front door. “Wow, I knew you’d be eager to-”

“Shannon’s here. Her mom just died.”

Buck froze, his brain taking a second to switch gears.

“Should I go? Does she know about us? I should go.”

Shannon appeared in the doorway. “It’s okay, Buck. Don’t leave on my account.”

Buck’s eyes flicked back and forth between her and Eddie, unsure what to do.

“She knows, and she’s okay with it.”

“Even me…?”

“Come in, Buck. I don’t want to drive you out of your own home.” Shannon gave them one of her weak smiles, and Eddie felt some of the tension drain out of Buck’s body.

“You sure? It’s not weird? It’s weird. I should-”

Eddie shut him up with a brief kiss, and pulled him inside.

“Stop being weird, and it won’t be.”

Shannon laughed. “You two are painfully cute together. I want to hear all about how the two of you got together. Take my mind off of hospitals and funeral arrangements.”

Despite both Eddie and Shannon insisting that it was fine for Buck to be there, it was still weird. Eddie told her how they got together, minus the intimate details, and Shannon was actually amused by the part about Buck attempting to storm the club, her face lighting up with the first real smile since she arrived.

“I’m genuinely happy for you both,” she said, placing a hand over each of theirs. “Eddie deserves someone who will fight for him, not with him. Truth be told, I didn’t have the best feeling about Ana anyway.”

“You didn’t?” Eddie asked. “Why didn’t you say anything? I thought you liked her.”

“It wasn’t my place, Eddie. Besides, how would it have sounded? Don’t date the woman your dad would approve of? It would have sounded like sour grapes. Speaking of your dad, how’s he taken it?”

“He’s not thrilled Buck isn’t latino.”

Shannon laughed. “Buck, I hope you realize that’s practically a welcome to the Diaz family.”

“Yeah, so it seems.” He smiled. With Shannon being so far away, he hadn’t had to give much thought to how she would react to his relationship with Eddie. He knew her reaction was something they’d have to face eventually, but he hadn’t dared hope that it would be so positive. 

The atmosphere between Eddie and Shannon had been fraught before she left for Florida, and there was the potential for the friction to come up again once they had to discuss custody of Christopher again, but right now Buck could see the chance for them to be good friends. They had a lot of history together, and not all of it bad. Buck didn’t feel threatened by her, but he did feel like he was intruding on a private conversation when they started talking about Shannon’s mother. He shot off a quick text to Maddie, asking her to call him when she got a break, and within five minutes his cell was ringing.

“Uh, I better take this. It’s Maddie.”

Eddie frowned slightly. “Is everything okay?”

Buck nodded, knowing that Eddie must have caught on that he’d engineered the phone call by texting Maddie in the first place, he was grateful that he wasn’t openly calling him on it. “I’ll take this in the bedroom. Give you guys some privacy.”

He shut the bedroom door behind him, and flopped down onto the bed.

“Hey, Maddie. Thanks for getting back to me so quick.”

“What’s wrong? I’ve only got ten minutes, but if-”

“Everything’s fine. I didn’t mean to spook you, I just needed an excuse to make myself scarce for a bit. Shannon just showed up, and I just wanted to give them a chance to talk in private.”

“Okay, so are you alright with that, or should I be talking you off some kind of ledge right now, because you know Eddie only has eyes for you…”

Buck laughed. “Surprisingly I’m okay. It feels a little like I’m being haunted by all of Eddie’s ghosts of relationships past, but I know everything between him and Shannon is ancient history. She pretty much gave us her blessing, even though I moved in without Eddie telling her.”

“Who are you, and what have you done with my neurotic little brother?”

“I’m still here, I’m just trying this new thing where I actually communicate with people instead of expecting the worst.”

“Right. Which is why you are hiding out, talking to me.”

“Shannon’s mom just died. I figured I could lend her Eddie’s shoulder to cry on without me getting all weird and territorial.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Pass on my condolences when you get the chance.”

Maddie paused, and Buck just knew what was coming next.

“Are you sure you’re really okay with her being here?”

Buck sighed. “Was it what I had planned for the day? Absolutely not. But Shannon needs a friend right now, someone who actually knew her mom. I’m more worried about what happens when she leaves. She has a good job in Florida, and she’s seeing someone, which sounds like it could be serious. She has to go back to arrange the funeral, but what if she wants to stay there? What happens if she wants to take Christopher? She flew all the way back here just to see him, so what if-”

“Oh, Buck. There it is, the spiral I was anticipating. Eddie and Shannon have a custody arrangement. She can’t just whisk Christopher away to Florida at a moment’s notice, so get that out of your head right now. Shannon probably doesn’t even know what her plans are yet. What happened to not assuming the worst?”

“It would break Eddie if she took Chris away. It would break me too.”

“I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, Buck, but even if Eddie does have to take it back to court, everyone will put Christopher’s best interests first. He has a wonderful life here with you and Eddie, and his extended family. That’s got to be worth more than having to start again with no support system in Florida.”

“I guess. But don’t the courts usually side with the mom?”

“Not always, and it may never come to that anyway. My break’s nearly done, but I can call you tonight if you need to talk some more.”

“No, it’s okay. I just needed to give them their space, and talking to you first means I’ll be able to keep my cool when I discuss it with Eddie later. The last thing he needs is me freaking out on him.”

“I’m proud of you, Buck.”

“Even though I am still definitely freaking out?”

“You’re still allowed to have feelings, and I know whatever happens, you and Eddie will face it together.”

“Thanks, Maddie.”

“Any time.”

Buck hung up and checked the time on his phone. Shannon had come to see Christopher, but it was still hours before he’d be home from school. He wasn’t quite ready to face Shannon again, at least not without pushing her for an answer about her intentions for custody of Christopher. The last few months must have been hell for her. He just had to suck it up, and wait and see how this played out. He opened up Netflix on his phone, and looked for something to distract him to pass the time.

“Hey, you still alive in here?”

Buck shut off his phone and looked up to see Eddie standing in the doorway.

“Sorry. Kinda went down a true crime rabbit hole for a while there.”

Eddie smiled. “Yeah, I kinda figured you wouldn’t have spent two hours on the phone to Maddie.”

“I thought Shannon could use a little space to talk.”

Eddie crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “I know she appreciated that, but are you okay?”

“She’s not just your ex wife, Eds. She’s one of your oldest friends, and she just lost her mom. Of course I’m okay with you guys talking.”

“I wish it hadn’t taken her mom dying to get us talking again. It does put things in perspective though.”

“Has she… Has she said anything about her plans? Long term, I mean.”

“I think she’s just taking it one day at a time. She’s gonna have her mom cremated, then have a memorial service back in El Paso once she’s settled things with her mom’s estate. It’s kinda complicated. Her mom was engaged to some bigshot real estate guy, and he bought them a house. He was in complete denial about the cancer being terminal, and made all sorts of plans for them, then bailed when things got bad. Shannon had to keep making excuses for him because her mom couldn’t remember him leaving her.”

“That’s so fucked up.”

“I think he genuinely thought she was gonna pull through, and just couldn’t handle watching her die. Shannon thinks he really did love her, enough to put the house in her name anyway.”

Buck’s heart sank. If Shannon had just inherited a house, that was just another reason she might stay in Florida.

“Yeah, I guess that complicates things.”

“I’m gonna order in something for lunch. You gonna join us?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Eddie nodded, but didn’t make a move to leave. Buck pulled him into a hug.

“I wish I knew what to say to her,” Eddie said softly. “I feel like I make one wrong move and she’s gonna take Christopher, but now’s not the time to argue my case for him to stay here with us.”

“Maybe she won’t want to stay in Florida. It’s got to have a lot of bad memories for her now.”

“Yeah, maybe. I guess we just have to give her time to figure it all out.”

Chapter Text

The atmosphere as they ate lunch was heavy with unasked questions. The conversation naturally turned to Christopher, and Buck couldn’t help but emphasize how well he was doing in school and all his extra curricular activities, and how much he loved Carla.

“I get it, Buck,” Shannon sighed. “He has a great life here, I know that. But I’m his mother, and just because I haven’t been able to be there for him recently, it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him so much it physically hurts. I haven’t made any decisions yet, but trust me, Christopher is a huge deciding factor in all of them.”

Eddie shot Buck a warning look that made him want to slap himself for being so obvious.

“Christopher knows how much you love him,” Eddie said. “And he’s going to be so excited to see you. Let’s just focus on that for now.”

“I hope so. I’m just so tired, and there’s so much I need to do… I just want to hold my baby boy first.”

“Why don’t you go lie down for a bit in Christopher’s room,” Buck suggested. “We’ll wake you up when school’s out.”

“That’s a great idea,” Eddie said. “You’re exhausted. Have a nap, and when you wake up Christopher will be here.”

Buck wondered just how badly he’d messed up. When Eddie came back from getting Shannon settled in Christopher’s room, he looked almost as shattered as she did.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone on and on like that.”

Eddie shook his head, and wrapped his arms around him.

“Don’t be. It was all stuff I was dying to say anyway.”

“I know, but I was supposed to get it all out of my system talking it through with Maddie. I had a plan. I was going to be a super supportive boyfriend and not interfere.”

“You are being super supportive. And you’re not just my boyfriend, you’re part of Christopher’s family too. What Shannon decides affects all of us.”

“But my timing sucked.”

“It did. But I know you mean well.”

“How about I clean up in here and you go find us something mindless to watch until it’s time to get Chris.” Buck said.

“Okay, but no true crime. I need something with a happy ending. Maybe some explosions, then a happy ending. ”

“Pick whatever you want, babe. I won’t be long.”

“See? You’re always being supportive.”

Buck kissed him, and gave him a gentle shove towards the living room.

Shannon looked better after her nap. Still not great, but less likely to worry Christopher when he saw her. Eddie left to pick him up from school, and Buck did his best not to be awkward while waiting for them to return.

“I’ve drunk so much coffee lately that I’ll have to do some kind of detox when all this is done,” Shannon said as Buck handed her a mug.

“Sorry, would you like something else? We have soda, or-”

“Oh, god no. I need the caffeine to function right now.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s got me through more than a few rough shifts.”

“You can sit down, y’know. I’m not going to bite.”

Buck laughed nervously and pulled up a chair at the kitchen table. “Sorry, awkward seems to be my default setting right now.”

“It doesn’t need to be. I can see how Eddie looks at you, how happy you make each other. I’m glad he’s found that. God knows I could never give it to him.”

Buck wasn’t sure what to say to that. He had some idea of what their issues were with the marriage, but it didn’t exactly give him the right to comment on it.

“I know he feels bad about you having to deal with all the stuff with your mom on your own. He told me he wishes he’d reached out more.”

Shannon smiled. “He’s a good man. Despite all the ways we hurt each other, I hope we can still be friends. I think a little time and distance has given me some much needed perspective. Staying together for Christopher’s sake was never going to work, and it took me far too long to accept that.”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, but I understand why you both wanted to give it your best shot.”

“I just kept thinking that we needed to just get past the next hurdle. I thought if he’d just leave the army and come home, then deal with the drinking, get through therapy… I had to face the fact that there would be no finish line, no point at which everything would just click into place. Even then, it felt cruel to end things, when Eddie had been through so much just to get to a good place again.”

“I know it’s such a cliche to say that some things were just never meant to be but…”

“I just wish I’d handled things with a little more grace,” Shannon sighed. “There were times when I really twisted the knife, and I’m not proud of that.”

“Hey, you both got through a divorce and are still talking to each other. That’s a lot more than a lot of people manage. You’re Christopher’s mom. You’re always going to be important to us, and I kinda hope we can be friends too.”

Shannon smiled. “You’ve got a big heart, Buck. Everything Christopher told me about you… he adores you, so of course he’d only tell me the good stuff, trips to the arcade and Disneyland, but you really are just this sweet, aren’t you?”

Buck ducked his head, embarrassed by the unexpected compliment. “Chris is a great kid. I know Eddie thinks I spoil him sometimes…”

“I don’t think we’re going to have trouble being friends, Buck, but you are going to have to learn to say no to Christopher sometimes. You’re not just his cool big brother figure now.”

Buck blinked. Shannon acknowledging him as a co parent was completely unexpected, and it brought a lump to his throat.

“I better cut down on the cooked breakfasts then,” he said, and Shannon laughed.

Eddie almost wished Christopher had been a little more upset about hearing his grandmother had died, but she hadn’t been around much in his life so it was only natural that he’d be more focussed on seeing his mom again. Christopher did pick up on Shannon’s grief though, and happily accepted all her cuddles without complaint, and tried to cheer her up, giving her his beloved Stitch to hold while he told her about everything she’d missed while she was in Florida. No one pointed out that he’d already covered most of it in their numerous facetime calls, not when he was so excited to do it all in person, and show Shannon around his room.

Seeing them together, Eddie’s heart ached, watching their interactions breathe life back into Shannon. They’d all adjusted to her not being around, which had seemed like a good thing at the time, but her being a part of Christopher’s life was what was best for everyone. He just hoped that she would see that and come back to LA permanently.

Eddie tried to help Buck cook dinner, chopping a few vegetables until Buck relegated him to just watching after nearly slicing off the top of his finger because he couldn't focus on what he was doing.

“I think she’s gonna move back to LA,” Buck said. “I mean, she didn’t say anything, but she can see how happy Chris is here, and I don’t think she has it in her to leave him again.”

“I can’t get my hopes up just yet.”

“Christopher is more important than anything she has going on in Florida. It’s going to be okay.”

Eddie stood behind him, chin on his shoulder and arms around his waist as Buck stirred the sauce.

“Would it be weird if I offered her the loft until the lease is up?” Buck asked. “I’ve got like eight weeks before I need to vacate, and it’s still furnished.”

“I didn’t realize you had that long left. It’s all happening pretty fast. Are you sure you don’t want to keep your options open?”

Buck set the sauce to simmer and turned in Eddie’s arms.

“What happened to enjoying the good times and not worrying about the bad?”

Eddie sighed. “I know, but rushing things is kind of my MO.”

“I don’t know that that is necessarily true with us, Eds. We didn’t start this thing from scratch. We already know each other’s bad habits, we work together, spend our free time together. Moving in really isn’t such a huge step… unless you are having doubts…?”

“Not about wanting you here, but I don’t want you to feel trapped.”

“Eddie, we both know how I feel about being trapped by you,” Buck chuckled, silencing Eddie with a kiss before he could tell him to be serious. He let himself be distracted, right up to the moment he heard Shannon’s voice.

“Uh, it doesn’t look like they need any help. With dinner.”

Eddie smiled, resting his head against Buck’s for a moment, before turning and giving Shannon and Christopher both a bright smile, willing the awkwardness away.

“Buck’s got it covered.”

“Don’t worry. You get used to it,” Christopher said. “They really like kissing but they’ll stop now we’re here.”

“Maybe we should leave them to it, sweetheart.” 

Shannon was smiling, and for a moment it felt like everything really could be okay, that she wasn’t the enemy here. She could see they were happy, and surely she’d take that into account before trying to rip Christopher away from his home.

“Yeah, but then we’d never get dinner.” Christopher sighed dramatically.

Buck cleared his throat. “Actually, it’s ready. Just need to set the table.”

If Shannon could smile like that at catching him making out with Buck, and in front of Christopher too, it had to be a good sign.

Shannon took Buck up on the offer of staying at the loft, although it was several weeks before she managed to wrap everything up in Florida. Her absence from her old job had been keenly felt as her replacement hadn’t lived up to expectations, so she was able to leverage not only getting her old position, but a significant raise too. It was only when they picked Shannon up from the airport that Buck could really relax, and start to believe that she really wasn’t going to try to steal Christopher away. 

Christopher enjoyed sleepovers at the loft until the new place was ready, but it was only an occasional treat because it just wasn’t practical for him. Shannon spent as much time as she could with him, and Buck really couldn’t complain about the extra alone time with Eddie. She’d found a nice place to live, somewhere close by where Chris could have his own room, and everything seemed easier this time round. She agreed that they should keep Carla on, splitting the cost of her pay so that custody wasn’t so affected by Eddie’s shift patterns. .

The only thing hanging over Buck’s head now was the trip to El Paso. Eddie’s mom had started to call a lot more frequently, and sometimes she would pass the phone to his dad to say hello. It was hard to gauge how they really felt about their relationship when he only heard half of the conversation, but everything seemed to be okay. They mostly seemed to talk about Christopher, and how Shannon was doing. Eddie’s mom asked to speak to Buck a couple of times, and she seemed to be looking forward to their visit, even if it was for such a somber occasion.

Buck had never really done the meet the parents thing, and as much as Eddie insisted that Buck had met them already and that it was no big deal, he still had misgivings. Eddie’s relationship with his parents was so different from his own, even before you factored in the whole Catholic thing. Ramon was not a man who smiled easily, and Buck just couldn’t stop thinking about facing that stern gaze when Eddie did distinctly un-Catholic things to him on a daily basis.

“Stop overthinking it, amor.”

“I can’t help it. He’s your dad. Even if he never says anything outright, I’m gonna be worried about what he really thinks, especially if it’s that you are going to go to hell because of me.”

“I don’t believe in hell. Neither do you.”

“Not the point, babe. Even knowing he’s gonna be wondering who sticks their dick in who is gonna be bad enough.”

Eddie laughed. “Who cares?”

“I dunno. Maybe you being an exclusive top would be reassuring. More manly or something.”

“We don’t know that.”

“Yeah, and it’s kind of difficult to drop into the conversation casually.”

Eddie smiled. “No, I meant… what if I didn’t top all the time? Maybe I’m not an exclusive top.”

A glance at Eddie’s face was all it took to realize that he wasn’t joking. It felt like all the air was sucked from the room as all his blood rushed south.

“You… you want to try bottoming?”

“I’ve been thinking about it, yeah. Is that something you wanna try?”

“But… you’re my dom.”

“I’m also your boyfriend,” Eddie laughed. “And if you think I couldn’t still dom you like that, I’m only too happy to prove you wrong. But this isn’t about changing our dynamic, or even having a scene. It’s just something I want to try. If you do, that is.”

Buck sat on the couch before his legs gave out and made the decision for him. He never thought Eddie would actually want to bottom, and he thought he was good with that. Whether it was a full scene or just sex, it was always phenomenal. 

“You hate the idea. It’s fine, we don’t have to.” Eddie sat down next to him, taking his hand and brushing a kiss across his knuckles.

“No, I really, really don’t hate the idea. I fucking love the idea, I just…”

“You're worried I won’t like it? It’s not like you’ve never played with my ass before. I’m pretty sure I’ll like it, or I wouldn’t be suggesting it. But if I don’t, it’s no big deal.”

“But it is a big deal! If I can’t make it as good as it is when you fuck me…”

“It’s not a competition, Buck. Besides, at least you’ve fucked guys before, right? You’ve got more experience in that department than I did the first time I fucked you.”

“But I’ve never fucked the guy I love!”

Eddie smiled, the little crinkles by his eyes accentuating the fond look in them. “That’s kinda my point, cariño. I love you, and I want to try this with you.”

If Eddie was trying to distract him from obsessing about the upcoming trip, he’d nailed it, but Buck knew him too well to believe that this was just a tactic. He wasn’t faking the heat simmering behind that fond look.

“Shannon is picking Christopher up from school,” Eddie said, stroking his thumb across Buck’s hand. “We have hours to ourselves. No interruptions.”

“You wanna try it now? Like right now?”

Eddie nodded. “Before you have a chance to overthink it and psych yourself out.”

Buck swallowed. Eddie knew him too damn well.

“Come on. Let’s start with a shower. You’re way too tense.”

He stood like an idiot in his underwear, watching Eddie step into the shower, tilting his head back, letting the water stream down over his face. They’d showered together countless times since that first time at the firehouse, but it still stole his breath away every single time.

Eddie grabbed the body wash and started lathering it up.

He looked over his shoulder. “You could always help. I’m feeling kind of lonely in here.”

Buck shook himself out of his daze, and shed his underwear, stepping into the shower behind him.

“Much better,” Eddie sighed, leaning back against him as Buck's hands took over, working the suds over his chest and abdomen. “Don’t forget my back.”

“I’m getting there,” Buck smiled, nibbling at his neck. “I thought you said we had hours.”

“We do,” Eddie said, pressing his ass back, grinding a little against Buck’s erection. Buck bit down a little harder in retaliation. “But we’re wasting water here.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Buck said, using the soapy water to slide his cock up and down the valley between Eddie’s cheeks, groaning when he put a stop to it by turning around.

“I don’t think this will get us clean any faster,” Buck pointed out, wrapping one hand around their straining cocks.

“Mmm,” Eddie let him stroke them a few times, before reaching for the body wash again. “I’ve just got to keep your hands occupied.”

He pulled Buck’s hand away and dumped some body wash on his fingers, then guided them behind him to his crack. “Think I need your help right here…”

“Yeah?” Buck asked, breathlessly.

He’d done this before, fingered Eddie in the shower, but Buck had never dared take it further, than a finger or two. He rubbed his fingers up and down Eddie’s crease.

“You know this isn’t really about getting clean, right?” Eddie said huskily.

Buck paused, a fingertip pressed against the tightly furled ring of muscle.

“I guessed. But there’s no rushing this. Especially for your first time.”

Eddie let out an impatient huff. “There’s not rushing, and then there’s-”

His voice cut out as Buck applied a little more pressure, tenderly circling his entrance without pushing inside.

“Or that definitely works…” Eddie moaned, face pressed to Buck’s neck.

Buck was taking things slow, glacially slow, and Eddie was having doubts about him really wanting to top until he finally got a finger inside him. Buck’s hesitance was torture right up to the point that Eddie realized maybe he knew exactly what he was doing, taking his time, drawing out the anticipation.

It had taken far too long for him to realize that Buck would never ask to top. He’d gotten better at asking for the things he wanted, especially after that first visit to Heather’s, but for some reason he’d got it into his head that this was the one thing he wasn’t allowed to ask for. Eddie had sat with the idea for a while, wanting to be sure that he really wanted it. Intellectually he knew there was nothing emasculating about wanting to bottom, but he didn’t acknowledge that the lingering bias was much of an issue until Buck mentioned it. It hadn’t been the only thing holding him back, but admitting to himself that it might have been a factor was enough to push him into action.

He had zero regrets as Buck toyed with his hole, loosening him up enough to dip two fingers inside him. He wasn’t even trying to work them deep enough to hit his prostate yet, just lazily teasing him with the promise of more as they kissed beneath the falling water, until Eddie was so on edge he was tugging on Buck’s hair and panting.

“I need more.”

Buck smiled, kissing him one more time, and nipping at Eddie’s kiss swollen lower lip.

“Then we have to get out of the shower, babe. Getting fucked in the shower is kinda an advanced skill.”

Flashes of previous callouts ran through his mind, and Eddie turned the water off, taking time to appreciate the view of Buck’s ass as he stepped out of the shower and reached for the towels. Buck laughed when he caught him looking.

“Having second thoughts?”

“Buck, I’m never gonna not want inside your ass, but right now, it’s not my priority.”

Neither of them managed more than a cursory swipe over their wet bodies and dripping hair before they were pressed against each other, hands wandering and grabbing at damp flesh, licking and biting at each other as Buck was herding Eddie towards the bedroom.

“How do you want me?” Eddie asked, before grazing his teeth against Buck’s neck, and licking at the goosebumps that rose up in response.

“Face down. On the bed.”

Eddie felt a slight twinge of nerves, but it evaporated when he felt Buck push his legs further apart and kneel in the space he’d created.

“I promised you this ages ago,” Buck sighed, palming Eddie cheeks and spreading them, exposing Eddie’s twitching hole.

Eddie barely had time to realize what Buck meant before he felt the unmistakable hot, wet swipe of Buck's tongue against his hole.

“Fuck! Do that again.”

“You like it?”

Eddie couldn’t tell if Buck was really looking for confirmation, or if it was another attempt to tease him until he lost his goddamn mind, but he knew what Buck always craved.

“Feels so good, amor. Show me how good you can be…”

Buck let out a soft, happy sound, and did just that, tormenting him with teasing little licks and nibbling kisses, until Eddie was groaning, demanding more.

“C’mon baby, give it to me… need to really feel you…”

Buck moaned, hooking his arms under Eddie’s legs to grab at his hips for leverage as he buried his face between his cheeks. Eddie cried out as Buck tongue worked him over, insistent and relentless, opening him up and igniting dormant nerve endings until he was pushing inside him.

“So fucking good… you give me what I need…”

Coherent speech was challenging, and despite wanting to feed Buck’s praise kink, Eddie’s attempts soon fell into moaning Buck’s name when he started using his fingers too. There was a weird kind of pride in Buck knowing exactly how to make him feel so good, entwined with an irrational jealousy that he’d learned these skills with past lovers.

Eddie drew up a leg to one side, trying to open himself up, to give Buck more room to work, trying to resist the urge to grind his cock against the mattress.

He whimpered when Buck pulled away.

“Easy, babe. I’m gonna get the lube now. Is that okay?”

“Just get the fuck inside me. I’m dying here.”

“So that’s a yes to the lube?”

Eddie couldn’t muster the snark to reply, but if he looked half as wrecked as he felt, Buck’s smirk was more than justified. It was a good look on him, cocky and breathless.

Buck peppered his shoulders with kisses as he slipped the first finger inside.

“I’m not gonna break. Make me fucking feel you…”

Two was more of a stretch, and Eddie groaned, rocking back onto Buck’s hand. 

“Feels good?” Buck asked.

“You know it does… especially when you-” The rest of his words were chewed up by a moan as Buck’s fingers grazed his prostate.

“I love hearing you talk, but this is better, hearing what I do to you, knowing it’s me that makes you feel like this.”

Something about Buck’s words released a tension Eddie hadn’t been aware he was even still carrying. Being a dominant was who he was to his core. It had shaped him for as long as he could remember, a burden he could never put down. He had to be mindful of his nature in every social interaction, aware of how to balance that clawing need in private so it didn’t bleed through into his day to day life. He couldn’t afford to be selfish. But Buck was giving him that permission to just feel, to be in the moment with him, outside of his self imposed rules. He could be assertive and demanding, or a needy puddle of goo, or any combination in between. None of it mattered right now.

“More. Give me more…”

“I’ve got you, babe.”

“Always gonna want more, Buck. Always gonna need more of you…”

Buck still made him wait it out, the sweet burn of prepping him for far longer than Eddie thought possible, letting him ride his hand wantonly but with no relief in sight. He was right on the edge of his demands tipping into outright begging when Buck finally relented.

“Might be easiest for you to-”

“I don’t want easy, Buck.” Eddie rolled onto his back and pulled Buck down until he settled between his legs. “I want to see your face as you fuck me.”

Buck looked down as he lined himself up, and as soon as Eddie felt the blunt head of his cock pushing against his rim, he tilted Buck’s face up to meet his gaze.

His mouth dropped open on a silent gasp, their eyes locked as Buck eased in, the overwhelming physical sensation only eclipsed by the emotional of letting Buck in.

Eddie had had many occasions to feel insecure about sex before, but never this simultaneous vulnerability and absolute trust in his partner to not abuse it. It was more than the novelty of flipping their positions, or letting Buck have control. Having this version of Buck too only intensified what his submission meant to them both every time he’d handed it to Eddie so freely. There was no clashing of egos, no need to pretend that he was assuming a submissive role for Buck’s benefit, just the rush of discovering a different way to explore each other.

Their faces were inches apart, as close as they could be and still be able to focus on each other's eyes, and they stayed that way as Buck carefully worked his shallow thrusts deeper and deeper. The discomfort was minimal, thanks to Buck’s agonizingly thorough prep, but nothing could have prepared him for the profound feeling of fullness, the high of having Buck lodged so deep inside him.

“You good?” Buck asked, stilling his movements.

Eddie nodded, then noticed his fingers were gripped so tightly on Buck’s shoulders that if his nails were any longer he’d have drawn blood by now. He forced his hands to relax.

He licked his lips, and Buck’s eyes dipped to follow the movement.

“I’m good. Just need a moment.”

“Same,” Buck said. “If I move right now, it’s game over.”

“Are you all the way in?”

“Not quite, but close. Just-”

“... need a moment.” Eddie smiled, carding his fingers through Buck’s hair.

“Yeah. That.”

Torn between wanting to stay in the moment, taking in every detail of Buck’s face, the weight of his body, every shared breath, and needing Buck to just fucking move, Eddie cupped Buck’s face in his hands and closed the gap between their lips. Buck moaned into his mouth, and finally began to move, a slow, sensuous drag in and out that nearly brought tears to Eddie’s eyes.

Buck frowned. “Are you-”

“Give me all of you, Buck. I want it all.”

Buck hooked one arm beneath Eddie’s leg, the shift in angle allowing him to drive deeper, every thrust nudging against his sweet spot.

“Fuck, yes… give it to me, Buck, give me everything…”

Knowing Buck was strong was completely different from having his bulk pinning him down, and feeling his muscles tense between his wandering hands as that strength was used to fuck him deep and hard. The precum drooling from Eddie’s cock eased the way as it rubbed against Buck’s abs, ramping his pleasure up higher and higher, as he could do nothing but cling to him and take it, moaning Buck’s name.

Too soon, the crescendo broke into a climax that tore through his whole body, blinding in its intensity. He was only dimly aware of Buck withdrawing as he twitched and shuddered through the aftershocks, but somehow he’d managed to grip Buck’s hair, keeping his face close as he dropped to his side beside him.

Buck kissed him slow and sweet, his tongue teasing his slack mouth as he fought to draw in some much needed oxygen. It took him a moment to register the movement of Buck’s arm, realizing he was jacking off. He bit down hard on Buck’s lower lip, and smacked his hand away.

“Stop that.”

Buck growned. “Babe, I’m close… I just need-”

Eddie tugged on his hair, forcing him to look at him, and reluctantly Buck bunched his fists to stop himself reaching for his own cock again. “Then why did you stop?”

“I wanted to watch you cum without getting distracted. Was worried it’d be too much if I, y’know, kept going.”

“You are never too much, and I didn’t tell you to stop.” Eddie searched his eyes. There was more. “Did you need me to give you permission to cum?” he added softly.

“Maybe? I was focussing pretty hard on not cumming… so…”

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

They’d have to revisit the subject at some point, but for now his words were enough to reassure Buck. “And we’re not done yet,” Eddie said, pushing him over to lie on his back. He ran his hands over his chest and abs, collecting up as much of his own cum as he could, before straddling him. Buck was a mess, his hair damp both from the shower and the sweat clinging to his body, his skin flushed from the exertion, his eyes dark and desperate as they watched Eddie’s every move. He was beautiful, trying so hard to be good, ignoring how his cock must ache for release right now.

Eddie pinched the sensitive flesh of Buck’s inner thigh with his clean hand, knowing the jolt of pain would bring him back from the edge. Buck hissed but didn’t complain. Eddie used the mess of his own release to slick up Buck’s cock.

“Now you’re gonna fuck my own cum back inside me as I ride you, then you are gonna give me your load.”

Buck’s eyes widened, and he nodded, hands grabbing Eddie’s thighs as he guided his cock to his hole and sank down on him. Eddie threw back his head and moaned, covering Buck’s hands with his own as he rolled his hips, finding the right angle to get him right back where he needed him. Buck’s fingers dug into his flesh as he ground down in circles, his cock hardening again as he found what he needed.

“Eddie…” His name came from Buck’s lips as a low, gravelly warning.

Eddie looked down at him, bracing his hands on Buck’s chest as he began to ride his cock in earnest. Buck’s hands reached up and grabbed his ass, helping him find a rhythm as he learned the unfamiliar motion of rising up and sinking back down on his dick. He cursed as he felt Buck’s finger trace where his rim was stretched around his girth, too tender for his body and mind to process.

“Eddie…” His voice was harsher now, with an edge of desperation.

Eddie met his eyes, giving him a small nod, leaning down to kiss him. “Yeah, now.”

Buck kissed him back, digging his heels into the mattress to give himself the leverage to fuck hard up into Eddie’s body.

Eddie’s thighs were screaming at him, trying to keep up with Buck’s frantic pace, until he took over completely, holding him in place as he pounded into him.

“I’ve got you, Eds…”

And he did, he really did, supporting Eddie’s over-stimulated body, eating the pained moans from his mouth as he came untouched as he felt the hot pulse of Buck release painting his insides.

He collapsed onto Buck’s chest, with no intention of letting Buck leave his body a moment before he had to.

Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie’s dead weight, panting for breath and waiting for the real world to come crashing back around them.

He’d just fucked Eddie. Twice .

Okay, he’d just cum once, but Eddie came twice, so that had to count.

Eddie was right. If he’d had time to think about it first, he would have psyched himself out, and he still managed to over think things literally mid fuck.

Eddie wasn’t just a top.

Eddie chose to bottom, and he seemed to love it.

He’d have to wait for him to come round before he could really check, but the fact he seemed to pass out whilst cumming on his dick had to be a good sign, right? And all those soft sounds, high and breathy, escaping the back of his throat every time he bottomed out…

God, he wanted to be able to do that again, but only if Eddie wanted it too. Would he want it? He kinda fucked up by just stopping abruptly when Eddie came the first time, but then again he made him cum twice so…

“I can hear you thinking,” Eddie said, apparently not quite as out of it any more.

“Yeah? What am I thinking?”

“Won’t matter once I tell you what I’m thinking.”

“And what’s that?”

“We’re both vers, and you will be topping again. And so will I.”

Buck breath caught in his throat. “That simple, huh?”

“I’m dumbing it down because we’re both too fucked out for this conversation, but yeah.”

Buck laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. “Good to know.”

“I love you, you idiot,” Eddie said, nuzzling his face further into Buck’s neck. “It was perfect, but I need to nap now, so stop thinking so loud.”

“I love you too, babe.”

He’d tease him later about being the one who needed the nap.

Chapter Text

The memorial service for Shannon’s mother was not quite what Buck had expected. She’d left specific instructions that she wanted it to be a celebration of her life rather than a gloomy farewell, and almost everyone in attendance in the botanical gardens had followed her instructions to wear their most colorful clothes. Hiring the space had been straightforward if expensive, but it had taken a lot of negotiation to find a compromise on some of the decorations, and the confetti and glitter had to be substituted with venue approved flower petals.

Buck had never met Shannon’s mother, but as those who knew and loved her took turns to share their memories of her, he wished he’d had the chance. They painted a picture of a free spirited, outgoing woman with a wicked sense of humor, and a lust for life.

Shannon spoke last, giving somewhat of a more traditional eulogy, smiling through her tears, still buoyed up by the joyful stories shared by her mother’s closest friends. Tequila shots were handed around, and they all drank a toast in her honor.

“Are all funerals like this?” Christopher asked, bemused by the whole experience, and a little disappointed that his shot had been apple juice.

“Not usually, bud,” Eddie said, putting an arm around his shoulders, and hugging him to his side. “You’re grandma was one of a kind.”

Christopher nodded, and although Buck was fairly sure that some of the more colorful stories were worded carefully enough to pass over his head, there were bound to be more questions later.

“Do you think people are going to dance? Like at weddings?” Christopher frowned as Madonna’s Express Yourself started playing over the sound system.

“No, we’re just gonna listen to some of her favorite music as a way to remember her,” Buck explained.

“Oh, okay.”

Eddie’s mom seemed to be taking the unconventional service in her stride, but Ramon wasn’t really engaging with anyone. It was making Buck nervous. They’d had dinner with the Diazs the night they arrived, and everything was very… cordial. Eddie and Buck were staying at a hotel, ostensibly so as not to put Helena to any trouble, and she protested until Christopher asked if he could stay with his grandparents anyway, and Eddie agreed. Staying in a hotel meant they sidestepped the whole issue of Eddie and Buck sharing a bed under their roof, something Buck was sure would be a step too far for Ramon. Eddie assured him he just needed time to get used to the idea that they were together. Time would tell, but Helena was actively trying to make Buck feel welcome.

The line of people offering their condolences was finally winding down, and Eddie saw that his parents were about to speak to her.

“I think your mum could use a hug right now, Christopher,” he said, catching Buck’s eye.

Buck nodded, acknowledging that Shannon might need some moral support.

They wandered over, just in time to see Helena give Shannon a hug.

“What a beautiful tribute to your mother. I’m sure she would be so proud of you for putting all this together.”

“Thank you, but really this was all her. She had time to decide what she wanted.” Shannon managed another tearful smile, and Christopher took over hugging his mum as soon as Helena stepped back.

“She’d love this,” Eddie said. “You know she would. Especially playing Madonna.”

Ramon cleared his throat. “I asked Father Morales to dedicate a mass for the repose of your mother’s soul. I know she didn’t always have the easiest time with her faith, but it felt like the right thing to do.”

Buck and Eddie shared a look. Ramon meant well, but it was hard not to take his words as a criticism of the service Shannon had organized.

“Thank you, Ramon. Mom specifically forbade me from having mass said for her, but it’s a great comfort to me that you did. She was so stubborn, right until the end.”

Christopher hugged her even harder, and she pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Ramon took her hand and squeezed it, before ushering Helena away to find a drink that wasn’t a shot.

“Well, that went better than I thought,” Buck said, as Shannon and Christopher wandered off to look at some of the flowers.

“I sometimes forget that Shannon still holds onto her faith, despite the way the church looks at divorce,” Eddie said.

“Yeah, must be tough.”

“The church is a lot more forgiving of divorce as long as you don’t want to do anything crazy, like actually remarry someone else.”

“So it’s better being divorced than in a same sex relationship?”

Eddie rocked his hand in a so-so motion. “Neither is really acceptable, but it depends on if you are discreet about it. To be honest, anything less than taking holy orders is still a bit of a compromise on the ideal.”

“Is that why you’re not religious? Impossible standards?”

“The whole thing never really made sense to me, even as a kid. Bad shit happens regardless of who or what you pray to, and if god doesn’t care enough to intervene…” He shrugged. “Besides, the whole last supper bit being solemnly re-enacted with the eucharist? It always struck me that it was more a case of Jesus saying to his boys, have a drink for me when the shit goes down. At best it’s a metaphor, but the church insists it’s literally his body and blood.”

Buck wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, the idea grossed me out as a kid, but my folks have never been actively religious.”

“Part of me wants to protect Christopher from all that, but at the same time it’s part of his cultural heritage, y’know? And I don’t want people telling him his dad is going to hell because he loves another man.”

“He’s a smart kid, and he loves you. Hopefully he won’t internalize all that shit. Pretty sure he sees Christmas as all about Santa, and Easter is all about chocolate.”

They spent the rest of the week in El Paso, letting Eddie’s parents fuss over Christopher to their hearts’ content. Buck felt like Ramon was actually starting to warm towards him, which was nice but totally unexpected. Eddie got to show him around, pointing out all his old haunts, and regaling him with stories of what he got up to as a teenager. It didn’t make Buck miss his own home town in the slightest. All his best memories involved Maddie, and having her live close by was better than any stroll down memory lane.

He watched Eddie’s interactions with his parents with fascination. They fussed over trivial things, and disagreed with Eddie loudly on others, but although there were differences of opinions, some evidently an ongoing bone of contention, there was never that sharp, over critical disapproval that tainted Buck’s interactions with his own parents. They cared and they worried, but they also loved loudly and unconditionally.

“I’m sorry” Eddie winced. “We can be kind of a lot. Just be grateful my sisters aren’t here too.”

Eddie and Ramon had been arguing over something for the best part of an hour, but Ramon had switched over to Spanish a while ago, so Buck wasn’t entirely sure if it was still about marinating chicken or not.

“You’re lucky they’re not here, Edmundo, because you know they’d agree with me!”

That set them off again, so Buck retreated back to the kitchen with Helena.

“I’ll let them have their fun for a little longer, before I tell them I did it my way,” she smiled.

“Won’t they be mad?”

“It’s Eddie’s abuela’s recipe. They’ll get over it. They always do.”

Buck laughed. “Not your first rodeo then.”

“Not by a long shot, no. It’s nice to hear them bickering again, but even nicer when it stops.”

“Maybe they’re too alike,” Buck suggested.

“Definitely, but don’t let them hear you say that.” Helena winked. “Ramon is very proud of Eddie, although he’s not always good about actually saying those words aloud very often.”

Buck nodded. “I was worried that Ramon wouldn’t take the news of our relationship very well.”

Helena sighed. “The church has a hard line against same sex relationships. In my heart, I don’t think God would judge his children so cruelly. Ramon took a little time to adjust to the idea, but between you and me I think seeing you again in the flesh was a real boost to his fatherly pride.”

“What? Why?”

Helena laughed. “How do I put this politely? Parents know when they are raising a dominant, so when their son brings home such a big, strong, handsome man like you as their partner…?”

Buck buried his flaming face in his hands. People in general knowing he was Eddie’s sub was one thing, but his parents looking on with pride in the knowledge that their son could bring Buck to his knees was another.

“No need to be embarrassed. Just make the most of that hotel room while you can, and I’ll never mention this again.”

“Yeah. Okay. I’m just gonna grab a glass of water and… thanks?”

He wandered into the backyard, sipping at the cool water until he at last saw the funny side of their conversation, given that he’d been worried about them wondering who topped. It wasn’t quite how he’d pictured getting Eddie’s parents’ approval, but he’d take it, even though he would never be able to tell Eddie without being completely mortified.

He spent the rest of the week trying not to blush every time Ramon gave him an approving nod or clap on the back, and dodging Helena’s knowing looks.

Eddie spotted Bobby at their usual coffee stand, and he had to break into a dead run to get there in time to stop him from paying for their order. Bobby smiled and shook his head as Eddie thrust some cash at the confused barista.

“Don’t you think it’s about time you let me pay for my own coffee?”

“Yeah, that’s not happening, Cap.” Eddie told the guy to keep the change, and Bobby handed him his coffee as they set off on their usual route around the park.

“I was starting to think you stake the place out, so I got here a little early to test the theory. How did it all go in El Paso? We haven’t had much of a chance to catch up.”

“Much better than I expected, really. The memorial service was a celebration of life thing, kind of quirky but definitely what Shannon’s mom would’ve loved. I think it really helped Shannon, seeing all her mom’s closest friends. Christopher got spoiled rotten by my parents, and they dropped a lot of hints about us visiting more often.”

“And Buck?”

Eddie smiled. “You know Buck. He was nervous but it took him all of ten seconds to charm my mom, and maybe a whole minute to win over my dad.”

“Well, what’s not to love?” Bobby laughed.

“Yeah, but try telling that to Buck. It all went well, but… It’s been awhile since I’ve spent that much time with my folks, and they can be a lot. Mom fussing, dad always having something to say about every little thing I say or do… All normal family stuff, but it gets a bit suffocating after a while. It was a relief to get back to the hotel every night.”

“Well, they don’t get to see you as much as they’d probably like. They’re making up for lost time.”

“And then some. I’m glad that Christopher got plenty of time with them though. He stayed with them instead of with us at the hotel.”

“I bet that was convenient,” Bobby smiled.

“Uh, yeah.” Eddie scrunched up his nose. “The hotel manager did take me aside to remind me about the limits to the room’s soundproofing. We got a few funny looks from the staff when we went down for breakfast.”

Bobby laughed.

“I feel a little bad about how Buck had to take the brunt of my frustrations though.”

“Why? Did he say something?”

“No, when I asked he said ‘best sex-cation ever’.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like a problem to me.”

“I guess not. I just felt like I was asking a lot of him.”

“No more than he was willing to give. You have to trust that Buck knows his limits.”

Eddie nodded. They’d enjoyed some intense scenes in their hotel room, and although he knew Buck loved their dynamic, there was still that nagging doubt lingering from how his need for dominance to self regulate had been too much for Shannon.

“I just… don’t want to fuck it up. What we’ve got is more than just sex and our dynamic.” Eddie took a deep breath. “I want to do something for him. Something that shows him that.”

“What kind of something?”

“That’s the problem. I don’t know. I’m not looking for some kind of grand gesture but… I want to do something that shows him how important he is, not just to me but Christopher too. Something that he will love.”

“You’re not thinking of-”

“Proposing? God, no. I’ve only just been through a divorce, and that isn’t even something we’ve discussed. I’m not going to spring that on him when I don’t know how I feel about it myself yet. Maybe one day…”

“Okay, just checking.”

“I’m not totally against the idea, but weddings are fucking stressful, and I want to do something fun that he will actually enjoy, something to make him happy, and feel appreciated.”

“You make him happy, Eddie.”

Eddie sighed. “He gives me everything, Bobby. I just want to give him something that isn’t just about our dynamic. Something for just for him.”

Bobby frowned, looking out across the park.

“What was the last meme Buck sent you?”

“Huh?

“Humor me.”

“Uh, a dancing dog, I think.”

“And the one before that?”

“Let me check… a dog on a swing set.”

“Then maybe that’s your answer. Buck has a lot of love to give, so give him something else to love.”

Eddie took a deep breath and let it out in a slow huff. “I don’t know… I mean a dog is kind of a big commitment.”

“It really is,” agreed, his expressions serious.

“But Buck would love it. Christopher too.”

Bobby nodded.

He could see it now, Buck buying his body weight in dog toys, fussing over choosing the best kibble then sneaking it food from his plate under the table anyway. He pictured him taking it to the dog park, to the beach, keeping him company when he went for a run, and napping together on the couch.

“Shit, it’s kind of perfect. Am I actually considering this?”

“You need to be sure, but it does seem to fit your criteria, and for what it’s worth, I think it would both make Buck very happy and send the message that you are planning for a future with him.”

Eddie grinned. “Fuck, I guess we’re getting a dog.”

Eddie was acting decidedly shifty. Buck was hoping that meant he had something planned, like maybe another trip to Heather’s, seeing as Christopher was with Shannon for the next few days. Sorting through the last of his things from the loft wasn’t exactly what he thought Eddie had in mind, but it needed to be done and he was quite insistent about it being done today.

When they dropped it off at Goodwill, Eddie stopped him from taking the last box.

“Not that one.”

Buck frowned. “You don’t think they’ll want blankets and towels? I mean, they’re a bit worn, but-”

“I’ve just got somewhere else in mind that needs donations.”

“Okay…?”

Eddie didn’t elaborate so Buck shrugged and closed the trunk. He figured he’d find out where they were going at some point. He was more interested in why Eddie seemed… anxious? Excited? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he was definitely up to something. He kept sneaking looks at Buck and smiling, his fingers drumming impatiently on the steering wheel every time the traffic slowed.

“What is up with you today?” he asked.

“Just sucks being stuck in traffic on a nice day.”

“Right.” Buck wasn’t buying it. “We could have saved ourselves the drive. Goodwill would probably have taken it.”

“Yeah, but this place put out a call specifically for blankets and towels so…” Eddie nodded at the building they were approaching.

“An animal shelter?” Suddenly it was worth the extra effort of sitting in traffic. With a bit of luck he might get a chance to pet some animals. “Awesome.”

Eddie parked up, and Buck leapt out of the car to get the box from the trunk. Eddie held the front door open for him then headed to the reception desk to talk to the woman who looked up with a smile as they entered.

“Hi, I called earlier. We brought some donations for you.”

“Eddie?” He nodded. “And this must be-”

“Buck, my partner. Is it still okay if we take a look around?”

“Of course! Just give me a sec and I’ll take that box off your hands.”

“We’re getting a tour?” Buck asked, as she disappeared into the back office.

“Kinda. Is that okay?”

“Are you kidding? They might have puppies! Do you think we’ll get to pet them? This is such an amazing surprise.”

“I guess we’ll have to see what they have.” Eddie shrugged, like it was no big deal, but Buck could tell he was relieved.

“Did you seriously doubt that I’d love this?” Buck asked.

“Not really, but-”

The woman reappeared with an older guy who looked like he’d much rather be doing anything but deal with members of the public. He took the box from Buck’s hands with a grunt, and took it to the back room.

“Don’t mind Carl. He’s not much of a people person. I’m Lisa, I’m a volunteer here, but I’m also a Registered Veterinary Technician, so if you have any questions feel free to ask. We’re one of six animal shelters run by the city’s Animal Services, so we care for a lot of animals with all sorts of backgrounds. We have a live-save rate of over 90%, which classes us as a no-kill shelter.”

It was a spiel that Lisa had obviously rattled out many times before, but she still spoke with passion. It wasn’t that unusual for the fire department to have to call Animal Services to take in a pet when their owners were incapacitated, so it was cool to see where they were taken to be cared for. Buck wondered if that’s why Eddie chose one of their shelters for their visit.

“As usual, we are above capacity, but today is appointment only, so we have fewer visitors than on an average day. Eddie, you said Buck would like to see the dogs?”

“I think he was hoping to see puppies.”

Lisa nodded. “Everyone loves the puppies.”

“Wait! What about the older dogs?” Buck asked. “ Do they get fussed over too? It must be hard for them to go from living in a home with their person to being in a shelter.”

“We do what we can with the help of our volunteers and an enrichment program, but it’s obviously not the same. And not all of our animals came from a great place to begin with.”

“Can we see some of them? Maybe give them a bit of love?”

“Of course!” Lisa looked delighted. “Puppies are always in high demand. You can’t argue with the cuteness factor, but there’s a lot to be said for not having to go through the training process from scratch.”

He caught Eddie giving him a fond look. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad this was a good idea.”

Maybe it was selfish of Eddie not to tell Buck right away that he was planning for them to actually adopt a dog today, but there was such a look of pure joy on his face at getting to pet and play with them, Eddie didn’t want to rush it. Buck seemed hellbent on interacting with as many dogs as possible, asking Lisa endless questions about each one, until they reached a German Shepherd named Chip. Something between the two of them just clicked, an obvious match of energy and temperament, and Buck couldn’t seem to tear himself away, even with the promise of meeting more dogs. Chip had a few minor medical issues, which was part of the reason he ended up in the shelter, and Lisa said that he was great with kids and other animals. 

“I think we’ve found the right one,” Eddie said.

Lisa grinned. “Looks like a good match to me. Just say the word and I’ll get the paperwork started.”

“Are you fucking serious? We get to take him home?” Buck looked up from the floor, wide eyed with surprise. Chip took advantage of his shock to snatch the toy from his hand with an excited yelp, tail lashing from side to side. 

Eddie smiled. “Yeah, if you want. I mean, he’s gonna be your responsibility, so if-”

His words were cut off with a grunt as Buck launched himself off the floor and engulfed him in a hug as Chip jumped up and tried to join in the fun.

“Can we really take him home? Are you sure?” Buck suddenly backed off, grabbing Eddie’s face in his hands. “What about when we’re working?”

“Carla’s neighbor runs a doggy daycare, and he’s happy to work with our schedule and have him overnight when needed.”

“You planned this? It’s not just a spur of the moment thing?”

“I made a few calls, yeah. But if you’re not sure…”

“Oh, I’m sure. A hundred percent certain, but shouldn’t Christopher be here helping us choose?” He dropped back onto his knees to pet Chip, who rolled onto his back, demanding a belly rub.

“Christopher is gonna love him too, but this isn’t about him. This is for you. Chip will be yours, and if Christopher was here that might confuse things. So, what do you think?”

“I think I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, Eddie, so go sign whatever paperwork we have to sign before I start bawling and Lisa decides I’m too much of a basket case to look after a dog.”

Christopher was almost as delighted to meet Chip as Buck had been, and just as Lisa had promised, Chip was great with him. Eddie had been a little concerned that having a big, boisterous German Shepherd might not have been the wisest choice, but Chip seemed to instinctively know to tone things down when Christopher was around, so there was no danger of him knocking him off his feet.

The only hard line Eddie had to set was that Chip wasn’t allowed in their bedroom. Buck argued in favor of letting him sleep on the bed with them until Eddie pointed out that it would effectively put an end to them ever scening at home, and seriously endanger their sexlife in general. Even Buck couldn’t argue with that, and after a rough couple of nights, Chip soon got used to his bed in the living room.

He still occasionally tried following them into their bedroom, and Buck had developed a complicated routine of tucking him in with a blanket and his favorite toys that seemed to work.

“It’s not that I’m necessarily opposed to sex with an audience,” Eddie said one night when Chip had been seriously pushing his luck. “But I don’t think Chip would be cool with the things I do to you. I don’t even want to think about what he might do if he was trying to defend you.”

“Yeah, you might have competition for who’s more possessive of me now. And don’t tease me about having an audience. I know you’d hate that.”

“And you wouldn’t?”

Buck bit his lip, the color rising in his cheeks as he avoided Eddie’s eyes. “Maybe? But I know that’s not your thing, so…”

“Then maybe it’s time we revisited those lists of yours. We might need to update them before we go to Heather’s this weekend.”

“Yeah?”

“Whatever you want, Buck, I want to be the one who gives it to you.”

“You already do, Eddie.”

Chapter Text

It had taken Eddie a while to convince Buck that he was only too happy to indulge his exhibitionist fantasy, and even longer to figure out exactly how it would work. It wasn’t as simple as just having sex with people there in the room watching, or planning a scene just for themselves without an audience in mind, but after a lot of discussion about what Buck really wanted, Eddie came up with a plan. The Blue Room at Heather’s was perfect. 

It was one of the more understated rooms available to book at the club. It could almost pass as a bedroom in a hotel furnished in a faux Victorian style, but the windows behind the heavy drapes were blacked out for privacy, and the intricate wooden curves of the furniture featured anchor points for restraints far too obvious for the era. Its most important feature, for their purposes, was the mezzanine walkway between the ballroom and the third floor bathrooms. It looked like a long balcony running across the upper part of one wall, with a doorway at either end, but Eddie knew from experience that the high ceiling meant that if you were actually in the room it was easy to forget it was there unless you consciously looked up. There was usually plenty of foot traffic, and anyone who got curious could look over the railings without being intrusive.

“Is it okay?” Eddie asked. He’d forgone his clubwear of leather pants and mesh shirt in favor of black slacks and a button up shirt with the cuffs rolled up, but he still oozed that dark, seductive confidence that he always had at the club.

Buck nodded. “Yeah.” His voice sounded small, his thoughts already settling back into that safe space where he didn’t need to focus on anything but Eddie. He slipped out of his clothes, tucking them along with his shoes in a cabinet as Eddie directed. He decided against wearing his collar for the scene. He loved wearing it, and always wore it at Heather’s, but somehow not wearing it tonight felt more taboo because people had come to expect it. He’d ask Eddie for it if they stuck around after their scene.

He stood naked in the middle of the room, almost shivering with anticipation. Eddie slowly walked around him, as if inspecting him for flaws but finding nothing but perfection. The simple power imbalance of his nudity when Eddie was fully dressed was exhilarating. Buck didn’t look up at the walkway, but he was acutely aware of how exposed and vulnerable he was. His cock was hard and heavy, and his skin prickled with goosebumps.

“Tan hermoso, mi amor.”

He did shiver as Eddie broke out his Spanish, knowing it was for his benefit, reminding him of the intimacy between them, that Eddie was doing this for Buck, giving him everything he asked for.

Eddie turned him to face the wall with the walkway, but Buck kept his eyes lowered. He didn’t need to know if they were being observed just yet. Just the possibility was enough. Eddie stood behind him, running his fingers feather-light down his arms, then back up again and across his chest. Buck closed his eyes, his mouth fell open, breathing heavily as Eddie made his skin hypersensitive with anticipation.

The teasing touches continued, skating over his ribs, his hips and thighs, tantalizingly close to his cock, fingers ghostling over his balls, before detouring back to his thighs, round to his ass and then up his back.

“Eddie, please…”

He didn’t know exactly what it was he was asking for, but Eddie would know. He trembled as Eddie shushed him and pulled him back against his body in a tight embrace. The fabric of his clothes felt alien against Buck’s skin, but the solidity of his body at his back, the hard ridge of his cock pressed against his ass, and the familiar safety of his arms, grounded him. He let Eddie take some of his weight.

“I can taste how much you need me,” Eddie spoke softly in his ear, just for him. “I can use you anyway I want, and you will beg me for more.”

Buck nodded, knowing every word was true.

Eddie slid his hands to Buck’s hips, steadying him for a moment.

“You will stand here, holding still because I tell you to. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Eddie.” The words felt wooly in his mouth. Standing still was far harder than being restrained, of having the security of being held in place, but he would do it. For Eddie.

His hands roamed over Buck's torso again, firmer this time, groping and squeezing at his bare flesh, but still ignoring his aching cock. Buck accepted it all in a daze of arousal, until his eyes flew open, crying out as Eddie pinched his nipples.

Eddie made a pleased sound as Buck tried not to squirm, his fingers still squeezing and twisting, creating hot bright points of pain that Buck both craved and fought not to recoil from. Eddie released them just as abruptly, rubbing the throbbing, swollen nubs with his thumbs until Buck whined.

He felt Eddie’s absence behind him, and heard a cabinet open and close behind him, but his instructions were to stand still, so he held his position.

“Feet shoulder width apart. Hands behind your head.”

Having the simple instruction to follow was a relief, quickly turning into a challenge when he felt the harsh thwack of a paddle across his ass. The residual sting told him that it was a leather paddle, and the stinging would only get worse with every blow. By the sixth time it made contact, he was struggling not to go up on tiptoe, and by the ninth he had to interlock his fingers to stop himself from trying to shield himself from the blows.

The hits kept coming, to one cheek then the other, down the backs of his thighs, over and over, but Eddie’s voice kept him rooted to the spot, telling him how beautifully he was taking it, how good he was being. The pain lifted him up, his mind floating, humming with endorphins, blissfully calm and free. He sobbed when Eddie finally stopped.

Blunt fingernails dragged against his heated, aching flesh, drawing lines of fire against his skin.

“Get on your knees.”

Buck sank to the floor.

“Now crawl to the bed.”

Buck’s face flushed as hot as his ass when he realized what a view anyone watching from the balcony would be treated to. He burned with pain and arousal, moving slowly to draw out his exposure to curious eyes.

“Get on the bed. On your back.”

Buck appreciated that Eddie was keeping his commands short and simple. He didn’t need to focus on more than a moment at a time. Nothing was drawing him back from that place of safety and obedience. He sank down on the bed, knowing Eddie was keeping him safe, giving him everything he needed.

For the first time since the scene began, he could see Eddie, and watch him as he fastened the leather cuffs around his wrists. He was so strong, so beautiful, taking care of him like this. The cuffs he added around his thighs chafed a little as Eddie strapped them on, but he ensured they were loose enough to be comfortable. Eddie thought of everything.

He watched as Eddie clipped the cuffs on his wrists to the ones on his thighs, admiring the sure movements of his fingers, and the elegant lines of his exposed forearms.

Eddie kicked off his shoes and socks, and knelt on the bed, straddling Buck’s legs. Buck could barely touch the fabric of his pants with his fingertips, and he let out a soft groan of frustration at him being so close and still out of reach. He could see the hunger in Eddie’s eyes, smell the rich scent of his cologne tinged with fresh sweat, but he could do nothing to draw him closer.

“Who do you belong to, Buck?”

“You, Eddie. Only you. Always you.”

Eddie smiled his approval.

Buck’s eyes dropped to track the movement of Eddie’s hand as he unbuckled his belt, and undid his fly. He inhaled sharply when he realized he wasn’t wearing underwear, his mouth watering as Eddie drew out his cock and began to stroke it. He could have cried with frustration. He was lying just lying there, imobile and useless, and he wanted… he wanted…

“You’re being so good for me, amor. You want to make me feel good, don’t you?”

“Please!”

Eddie began unbuttoning his shirt, slowly exposing the broad expanse of his chest, then the sculpted curves and dips of his abs. It was the best and worst strip tease of Buck’s life. Eddie was sitting on him, clothes all but falling off him and there was nothing he could do about it.

Eddie’s smile was wicked as he moved further down the bed, stepping down onto the floor before grabbing Buck’s ankles and tugging him further down the bed. Buck was too focused on the fact that Eddie was stepping out of his pants to puzzle out what the new position meant.

“Show me how good you can be, and I might consider uncuffing you.”

Eddie knelt by Buck’s head, so he turned towards him hoping that he’d be allowed to suck his cock, but Eddie laughed.

“So eager, Don’t worry, I will be putting your mouth to good use.”

He traced his fingers over Buck’s parted lips, then knelt with one knee each side of his head, facing his feet.

Buck immediately strained to reach whatever he could, lapping at Eddie’s balls and the base of his cock. Eddie shifted to let him reach more of his cock, but wouldn’t let him suck it into his mouth. Buck whimpered but savored the taste and scent of him, secure between his thighs as Eddie dragged it back and forth over his mouth.

Eddie shifted again, lifting his balls with one hand, and Buck groaned when he realized Eddie was going to let him eat him out when people could be watching. They would see everything, how good he was being, the look on Eddie’s face. He wished he had the use of his hands to pull him closer, but being incapacitated, at his mercy, drew him back to his safe place. He was where he belonged.

Eddie hadn’t expected to feel such a rush at the idea of people watching him and Buck together, but this was a world away from performing a demo. He was more aware of his own body, of how he looked and the desire in Buck’s eyes. He worked hard to maintain his fitness, for his job but also a little out of vanity, but it was never really about showing off his physique. This exhibitionism was a different kind of power, and he was reveling in it. He could see there were people on the balcony watching, and for the first time it felt like it was for more than his skills as a dom.

Buck was beautiful, so of course people would want to see him, but they were also beautiful together. Teasing prying eyes with what they couldn’t have was almost as heady as teasing Buck himself. Buck’s hands were clenched, his cock flushed and weeping pre-cum onto his belly. He wanted to be touched, but Eddie knew he wanted this more, for people to see him being used for Eddie’s pleasure.

Eddie shamelessly ran his hands over his chest, throwing back his head and moaning as Buck’s tongue delved between his cheeks, teasing at his hole. He reached back, spreading himself open and he felt Buck groan, pushing deeper, giving him pleasure the only way Eddie let him. It was hard to say what Eddie was enjoying more, displaying his control over his sub to their growing audience, or the magic Buck was working with his mouth. Either way, he’d have to put a stop to it soon.

When he carefully retreated back to the head of the bed, Buck let out a whine of protest, looking up at him, glassy eyed and panting. Eddie combed his fingers through his hair.

“You're so hungry for me, aren’t you?”

“Always.”

“Ready for more?”

“Yes.”

“Good boy.”

He shrugged off his shirt and tossed it to the floor, trying to hide that his legs were a little shaky as he stood up. He unclipped the cuffs around Buck’s wrists from the one’s on his thighs, but didn’t remove them completely. Buck took this as permission to sit up and reach for him. Eddie chuckled, and indulged him with a kiss before gripping his wrists and shaking his head.

“Now these will have to stay on a little longer, amor.”

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie wasn’t fooled. He was pushing back to ensure Eddie didn’t remove the possibility of being restrained just yet. It was a way of asking without actually asking.

He fastened the cuffs together and tugged, making Buck scramble onto his knees.

“If you weren’t such a brat, I might have sucked your cock.”

Buck groaned.

He retrieved a length of rope from one of the cabinets, tying one end to Buck’s cuffs and securing the other to an anchor point at the foot of the bed. He made Buck back up until the rope pulled taut, forcing him to brace himself on his knees and elbows. Anyone watching wouldn’t see exactly what he was doing to Buck next, but they’d still know, and see how it affected him. If Buck lifted his head, they’d see his face.

He made sure the lube was within reach, taking a second to appreciate the rosy glow lingering on Buck’s ass and thighs from the paddling he’d taken. It was fading but still noticeable, and his skin felt unnaturally warm beneath his hands as he cupped Buck’s cheeks.

Buck sighed and pushed back into Eddie’s hands in a silent plea for more contact. Eddie could read him so well that he knew he needed a moment of connection, of reassurance before they continued. He licked a slow line up Buck’s spine to the nape of his neck, soothing Buck’s trembling body with his hands, and wrapping his arms around his chest until he was blanketing him with his own body.

“You’re doing so well, amor. Being so good for me.” Eddie spoke the words softly in his ear, and Buck turned his head towards them,

It was an awkward angle for a kiss, but Eddie gave him one anyway, messy and sweet.

He’d left the lube within easy reach, and they fucked frequently enough that Buck was soon taking two fingers with ease. He’d fucked him with far less prep, when Buck had been impatient and craved the burn of Eddie splitting him open with his cock, but tonight was going to be a different kind of torment.

When Eddie worked in a third finger, Buck let out a contented moan, but as Eddie continued to thrust and twist, with no sign of replacing his fingers with his cock, he grew restless.

“Please… I’m ready… Fuck me, Eddie… please, fuck me…”

“You’re ready when I say you are. I like watching your pretty little hole stretch for me, so greedy and begging to be filled. Who does this hole belong to?”

“You, Eddie. It’s yours, but-”

“That’s right, amor. It’s mine. So I can use it however I want, and you are going to be a good boy, aren’t you?”

Buck whined, but nodded.

“And good boys don’t cum until they’re told to, do they?”

“No, Eddie.”

He didn’t seem particularly happy about it, but when Eddie drizzled more lube over his crack, and started pushing a fourth finger against his rim he let out a soft, broken little sound and pushed back against his hand.

“Easy, amor. I’ve got you.”

He made use of one of the cuffs on Buck’s thighs to hold him still as slowly his fingers sank further into him, one miniscule thrust at a time. It was dangerously intoxicating. Fisting had moved from Buck’s list of hard nos to a cautious maybe a while ago, but now was not the time to explore that. Eddie stopped when the knuckles at the base of his fingers were pressed against Buck’s rim, tormenting him with the promise of more but ignoring his pleas to keep going.

“Whose hole is this, Buck?”

“Yours, Eddie.”

He let out a huff of disappointment as Eddie withdrew his fingers.

“Good boy.”

Eddie couldn’t tear his eyes away so easily. Seeing his hole so pink and open, glistening with an excess of lube, a thought flickered through his mind, so unexpected it caught his breath. Buck was his, but the thought of some faceless stranger fucking him, leaving his load inside him to ease the way as Eddie reclaimed him as his own… 

He shook his head. He did not share, but still the idea was there, and he didn’t hate it the way he thought he should.

“Eddie?”

Buck was tugging at his cuffs, straining to look over his shoulder. He’d only hesitated for a second, but Buck was so wound up he needed all of his focus.

“I’m here, amor.” He continued murmuring soft words of reassurance as he unbuckled the cuffs on Buck’s thighs then moved to the foot of the bed to release his wrists. It only took a glance at his face to see that his momentary slip had only caused impatience, not distress.

Buck held his position, even when he was free from his restraints, his cheeks pinking up with pride when Eddie praised him for being so good.

“Go ahead, have a little stretch. We’re not done yet.”

Buck pushed himself up onto his knees, closing his eyes and rolling his neck, shrugging some tension out of his shoulders, and rotating his arms.

“Better?”

Buck smiled and shook his head.

“How about if I give you permission to touch me?”

There was a fleeting look of “I want more than that, you bastard” in Buck’s eyes, but Eddie didn’t have time to call him on it before Buck pulled him onto the bed, clinging to him and kissing him as if his life depended on it.

He let Buck have a moment grinding against him as they knelt together on the bed, Buck’s hungry hands roaming over his body, but when they started drifting down across Eddie’s abs, he laughed and bit Buck’s lower lip.

“And you were being so good.”

Buck sighed, realizing he had just hit the boundary of where he was allowed to touch.

Eddie cupped his hand around Buck’s shaft. It was the firmest touch to his cock he’d initiated all night, and Buck let out a pained moan.

“Who decides when you cum, Buck?”

“You do.”

“And do you want to cum tonight?”

“Eddie, please! I’m-”

“So stop being a brat, and answer the question.”

“Yes. Yes I want to cum. Please.”

Still gripping Buck’s cock, he kissed his way up his neck to his ear as he reached behind him with his free hand, fingers toying with his hole. “Then let me take care of you.”

Fresh sweat broke out on Buck’s brow, the muscles in his jaw twitching, and Eddie knew he could send him over the edge with just one word. He moved his hand to cup his balls, finger and thumb pinching the base of his cock.

“Mine.”

Buck nodded, and took a breath, visibly relieved that Eddie was exerting his control over his body again.

Once he was satisfied Buck was no longer balanced on a knife’s edge, he released him, and moved behind him. 

Buck widened his stance to allow Eddie to kneel between his legs, his fingers digging into the flesh of his own thighs, forcing himself to be patient for just a little longer.

Eddie hadn’t given him the specifics of what he’d planned for the evening, and he hadn’t wanted to know in advance, but if Eddie did anything but fuck him now, he’d probably spontaneously combust. Every touch, every command he’d given him had been perfectly calculated to amp up his arousal to boiling point. Even his questions served a purpose, forcing him to retain focus when he could easily have sunk so deep into his headspace that he could lose some of the detail of what Eddie was giving him.

He still hadn’t looked directly up at the walkway, but he could feel the eyes watching him. There was a heavy quality to the air, an absence of noise that felt like people trying not to make a sound. Their presence seemed to amplify the sound of Eddie’s breathing as well as his own.

He held his breath as Eddie’s hand returned to its position, simultaneously cupping his balls and squeezing the base of his cock, as he finally slid home inside him. He could have cried when Eddie stopped, buried to the hilt inside him, his free hand caressing his rapidly rising and falling chest when his body demanded that he breathe again.

He let his head loll back on Eddie’s shoulder, exposing more of his neck to his nibbling kisses.

“You can touch me, Buck. You don’t have to hold back…”

He immediately reached up and behind him to bury his hands in Eddie’s hair, forcing his spine into an arch that drove Eddie’s cock deeper, and finally provoked him into movement. It was perfect, Eddie rocking back slowly, thrusting back with a snap of his hips, over and over as he mauled Buck’s neck with his teeth and his tongue.

Buck was splayed open, every part of him exposed as Eddie abandoned his hold on his dick to brace his arms around Buck’s chest to give him the leverage to fuck harder and faster. Buck wouldn’t let himself cum a second before Eddie gave him permission, and he wanted this moment to last.

He finally raised his gaze to the walkway, and a surge of pride rushed through him when he realized how many people were packed shoulder to shoulder, watching them. The faces were all a blur, but that didn’t matter to him as much as the fact that they were there witnessing Eddie fucking him stupid.

Buck couldn’t force out a single coherent word, but he didn’t need to. Eddie understood every inhuman sound he was wringing from him. Eddie was saying the only words Buck needed … mine… love you… perfect… forever…

His body was poised a hair’s breadth from release, but only Eddie had the power to grant it. Tears were forming at the corners of Buck’s eyes, his moans getting more desperate and high pitched, until Eddie finally growled, “cum for me, Buck.”

He was barely aware of the wild spurts spraying out of his untouched cock as his whole body ignited in a blinding orgasm, the force of it taking Eddie with him over the edge. His body sagged in Eddie’s arms, limp but for the aftershocks that had him twitching and moaning.

Eddie kept him safe, enveloped in his embrace, his cock still buried inside him along with his release, until they both got control over their breathing.

They were both fuck drunk and clumsy as they untangled themselves and flopped down onto the bed together, their audience forgotten as they traded lazy kisses and soft words until Buck’s eyes were drooping.

“Sleep, amor,” Eddie murmured. 

“But… people watching us,” Buck protested weakly, already half asleep.

“Then let them watch. I’ve got you.”

Eddie figured the garbled sound Buck made was an attempt to say “I love you”, but he was fast asleep before he could say it back.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to his head. He would say it when he woke up.