Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Halsin was hurting.

Kiaran wasn’t sure why- wasn’t sure what had happened. And he wasn’t sure how, or even if he could help. But the past few weeks, it had become glaringly clear that something was wrong. The elf loved to talk, and yet he had been so quiet, even when surrounded by the commune’s orphans. Even at night, when telling them their bedtime stories, he opted to read from a book instead of telling one of his own tales. And his voice was so distant while doing so, too, like he was going through the motions of reading while his mind was elsewhere.

If it was just that, Kiaran might have thought Halsin simply had a lot on his mind in this transitional time in their lives. They hadn’t been at their commune for too long, after all, and surely Halsin was thinking of many heavy things as they reclaimed the land that had spent the past century covered in shadow. But Halsin was distant from Kiaran, just as he was with the others: deliberately so. Kiaran could tell it was deliberate, for Halsin pulled away almost half the time Kiaran reached for him now. Even at night, in his meditations, Halsin would jolt when touched and then proceed to find somewhere else to rest, with a mumbled apology and a promise to find him later.

No, something else was clearly the matter, and Kiaran didn’t know what, nor did he know how to ask Halsin. True to form, his kind and supportive partner was all but unable to ask for help, no matter how much he needed it, and that went doubly so when those troubles were of the emotional sort. Halsin had admitted once to having gone for so long without confidantes thanks to the Shadow Curse that he was still adjusting to the idea it was possible for someone to care about his troubles.

Kiaran kept wracking his mind for an event that might have triggered such a reaction, but nothing came to him. Their lives had been blessedly quiet since arriving at the commune; their greatest worries were in blending the multiple cultures their members came from, in maintaining their food stores properly, and other such mundane issues. No longer were they balancing the world’s fate on their shoulders, or fighting to break a Shadow Curse, or doing anything that resembled the other traumas Halsin had fought against in his long life.

Unless…

Kiaran frowned suddenly. Could that be it? Maybe Halsin was so used to living one crisis after another that he was unprepared for true peace. Maybe his mind was still experiencing the tumult, even removed from the situation. After all, it wasn’t like the last century had been conducive to healing, and the idyllic calm would give his mind plenty of time to wander to those deep wounds that had never healed, only half-scabbed over.

Kiaran watched Halsin, currently in bear form, curl in on himself in the corner of their hand-built treehouse. It was only a theory, but it was the best lead he had, really. If it turned out to be something else, Kiaran might never figure out what it was unless Halsin volunteered the information himself, and that seemed highly unlikely, if Halsin hadn’t said anything already.

There was no way to find out but by talking to him, Kiaran supposed. He sighed and wandered over to Halsin’s spot, sitting next to the wildshaped cave bear and petting his fur. “Hello, love. Can we talk?” he asked softly. “I… won’t beat around the bush here, sweetheart. I’m worried about you. Very worried.”

Halsin grunted, turning his head. He looked deeply unhappy at Kiaran’s words, and he huffed as he rested his chin on his paws. I am fine.

Kiaran tended to have the Speak With Animals spell enabled so he wouldn’t have to forgo communicating with Halsin while the latter wildshaped. It was a blessing, but hearing the almost dismissive tone combined with the irritation hurt. Halsin never pushed him away like this. They sat and talked through whatever the problem was.

“Love,” Kiaran murmured, stroking Halsin’s cheek-

Only to have Halsin snarl, snapping his jaws in warning. Do not touch me.

Kiaran flinched back, swallowing hard and trying to hide the wounded look that threatened to reveal itself. “I won’t touch you. But if you think this is convincing me that there’s nothing wrong, you are sorely mistaken. You are doing the exact opposite.”

If these were anything close to normal circumstances, Halsin would snap out of it right then. He’d look at Kiaran and apologize for scaring him- not that Kiaran would want that apology, of course, he’d only want to be allowed to help- and then they would talk. Halsin would tell him whatever it was, even if it was hard, and Kiaran would help in any way he could, even if that meant just providing a listening ear.

But instead, Halsin glared out of the corner of his eyes before turning to face away from Kiaran, the dismissal clear.

Kiaran sighed. “Very well. Then how about you listen to me?” He suggested, swallowing. He wiped his palms on his pants. “I can only guess what is happening. You are much worse today, and you woke up badly. Did… did you perhaps have a nightmare?” Halsin rarely slept, but sometimes, he found himself drawn to lazy slumbers in ursine form instead of the meditations of an elf, and last night had been one such night.

Hmph. Halsin grunted, shifting his head. I am no stranger to those. I know how to handle them.

Kiaran winced. “So… it’s safe to say it wasn’t the nightmare, then.” He stared down into his own lap, taking in a shaky breath as he realized he had, truly, done as much as he could. Anything further would only upset Halsin more, and make it less likely for him to speak up later when he finally did feel able. “… I’m here, love, when you want to talk about it. And… I know you’ll be mad at yourself later, so… know that I understand. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, alright? I’ll be in bed. Feel free to join me, if…” The piercing sensation of hot tears in his eyes hit hard, and he wiped at his them, fighting to keep his voice steady. “If you… want to. I understand why you wouldn’t, I-”

And then, just like that, came the horrible thought that maybe that was exactly the problem. Maybe Halsin didn’t want to share a bed with him, or a house. Maybe he was so sullen because he regretted ever getting together with him.

And after all, why wouldn’t he? Murder Incarnate, the Netherbrain had called him. He was stripped of Bhaal’s blood now, yet the fact remained that he had once taken delight in torture and murder, in defiling corpses, in all sorts of vile acts. Maybe now that the fate of the world was secure, Halsin had just enough clarity to realize what utter madness it had been to fall in love with Kiaran, much less to offer him a place in a commune filled with helpless children.

There were an awful lot of orphans here. There was a good chance that Kiaran was the very reason many of them were lacking parents.

The thoughts stung, and yet he couldn’t deny he had done this to himself, if that truly was what was happening. After all the pain he had caused, falling hopelessly in love only to have his partner pull back when realizing the full weight of what they were doing was only a fraction of what he deserved.

He must have made a sound, or maybe the bear could smell the salty tears. Because one second he was staring at Halsin’s back, and the next, the bear had turned, eyes going wide, and a whine of sorrow escaped him.

And there it was. No matter what kind of agony Halsin was in, he was never able to handle Kiaran’s pain, just as Kiaran couldn’t stand Halsin’s. In an instant, it felt like, Kiaran’s senses were filled with bear. Coarse fur against his skin. Little whines interspersed with Oakfather forgive me in his ears. The clean but musky scent of Halsin’s bear form in his nose.

Kiaran wrapped his arms tightly around Halsin’s neck and shuddered, fighting hard not to cry, because damn it all, this wasn’t supposed to be about him. And yet here Halsin was, as he always had been, ready to take on his pain.

I am sorry. Kiaran, I am so sorry, Halsin all but sobbed against him. Kiaran felt the bear tremble against him, matching his own shaking. I- I have behaved abominably. How I’ve treated you these past tendays. It is unforgivable. I am so sorry, please, I shall never again allow myself-

“It’s alright,” Kiaran croaked. “I- I understand, I think. I just-” He took in a shuddery breath. “Y-You aren’t going to leave me, are you? You aren’t unhappy with me?”

Of course not! cried Halsin, shaking his head firmly against him. Never. I am yours, for as long as you will have me. I- I simply- I cannot talk about it. I am sorry. But I promise you it is not that, and I apologize for ever making you think I had fallen out of love with you. I never wanted to hurt you, yet that is precisely what I have done. I am so sorry, my heart. I know no words will ever make this alright again, but…

There he was. There was his bear. Kiaran exhaled slowly, hiding his face in Halsin’s neck and tangling his fingers in his coarse fur. “You’re forgiven, love. I promise. I know you. And I know you would never have done this unless something was truly wrong. I just… I just want to know what that something is, so I might better help you. I don’t like when you are hurting, any more than you do when I am.”

Halsin closed his eyes. For a while, he was so quiet that Kiaran almost wondered if he had fallen asleep pressed against him.

Then came a burst of gold light, almost blinding in the dark of their quiet house nested in the branches of a mighty oak, and Halsin was gathering Kiaran up into his arms. He stroked Kiaran’s hair for a while, steadying himself.

“I,” he finally said, his eyes closed as he rested his chin on the top of Kiaran’s head. “I am afraid that I have not been entirely honest with you, my heart, and so I owe you another apology… but then again, if it makes it any better, I do not believe I was honest with myself, either.”

Kiaran frowned. He looked up at the warm, kind man he was so overjoyed to call his own, and thought about his own past. Whatever it was, it would never change a thing for Kiaran; surely Halsin knew that? Knew that whatever it was, Kiaran would never be able to judge it when compared to his own life?

But this was Halsin, after all, a man who was seemingly incapable of showing himself a fraction of the kindness he gave so readily to others. Halsin truly didn’t realize Kiaran would never condemn him, not even if the confession was a murder in cold blood- and he knew that wasn’t going to be the secret anyway.

“Love,” he whispered, extricating himself just enough to cup Halsin’s cheeks and kiss his nose. “Whatever it is, you need to say it, so that you can be absolved and stop punishing yourself. Whatever it is, you are already forgiven, I assure you.”

Halsin gently worked at a knot in Kiaran’s hair, biting his lip. The most curious thing happened on his face, like a silent war waged against himself; not the kind Kiaran had faced against his Urge, but something deeper. Like two parts of his very being were battling.

But there was a second fight happening at the same time, and that one, Kiaran could see in Halsin’s eyes. This one was something more like a person trapped on a cliff, struggling to pull themselves up and over so they wouldn’t fall. Halsin was fighting for that last bit of control of himself.

But the instant he spoke, that faded away, and he was left adrift, the words spilling out of him like a flash-flooded river. “I never… I never seemed to properly fit in anywhere, before I found you and our companions, Kiaran,” Halsin said quietly, gazing off at the opposite wall without really looking at it. “I was always different. Among the wood elves, among the Druids… I always felt like a cuckoo among warblers. As though I not only did not belong, but I was also taking resources that never belonged to me, through some kind of trickery.” He still stared off into the distance. “Part of it was my size, I suppose, but there was still something else. Some unknown thing that kept us from truly being able to understand one another.”

Kiaran’s heart ached already, but he dared not stop Halsin now. He squeezed the man’s hand to let him know he was still listening, and otherwise did not react.

“But one thing I learned, an invaluable skill, was how to lessen the pain of it all. I stopped caring, for the most part, though some deep part of me always did care regardless. I wrote off what I could to childish nonsense- the taunts, the mockery- even when we were no longer children, and what I could not dismiss…” A sad smile. “I learned to accept it as truth, but flippantly. I would laugh when they pointed out my size, I would make the inevitable jokes before they could, and eventually, when other taunts came into play, I did the same with them.”

It was harder to force himself to remain silent, but Kiaran still did, his hand squeezing Halsin’s yet again. He exhaled when he felt a squeeze back.

“It became my armor, though… it was rather like a set of armor with spikes lining the inside. It hurt me, but less so than a wayward spear.” Halsin sighed. “I learned to use it well, and to ignore the hurts from those spikes, like how a beekeeper might become less affected by stings over time.” His voice dropped, barely above a whisper. “I learned not to show fear, or pain, or to cry. I was too big to cry, and I was the leader whose example others looked to; I was not allowed to show fear. Even my inability to control my wildshape was a mark of shame I had to hide. And so I did, and when I could not, I would smile and laugh at the jokes at my expense.”

Another sigh. “It is how I knew no one would care to listen about some of the hardships I had faced. I knew I would be mocked relentlessly for what happened- for who I allowed to overpower me, for the foolish action I had taken in venturing into the Underdark to begin with. And it hurt, but the years flew by, and before I knew it, my time as a captive,” he spat out the word, “was long behind me, and instead, every time I closed my eyes, I saw my predecessor at the Grove, the moment I put his shade to rest with his own dagger. I heard Thaniel’s cries for help. Every night,” Halsin’s voice hitched; his eyes were wet, but the tears stayed confined for the moment, “I had nightmares. I saw those I failed to save, screaming at me for letting them die, vowing vengeance. They would hold me down and- and they would hurt me. Sometimes with weapons. Other times they did to me what… what my h- my cap-” Halsin shuddered, and gulped in a breath. “My captors. What my captors did to me.”

Again, Kiaran stayed silent. This time, however, it was because of the certainty that if he opened his mouth at all, he would vomit.

“And it was a different thing entirely, what they did compared to the taunts of a bully, yet the principle was much the same,” Halsin went on, and this time, when Kiaran squeezed his hand, he felt nothing in return. Halsin was right there, speaking to him, and yet he looked and felt like he was far away. “When I was in the Underdark, my captors always made sure I was complicit in my own breaking, you see. And those pleasures they granted me… I lived for them. Craved them. I could lie, I could say I fought and begged them not to give them to me, but what good would that do? I liked it. I experienced agony beyond words, counterweighted by toe-curling delights. The elves who became their decorations surely could not say such a thing. Astarion certainly can not say the same about Cazador.”

A sharp breath. Kiaran’s vision was blurry, and it took far too long to realize the little sniffle-whimper he heard was not from Halsin. “And that, my heart, is the great lie I have told the both of us. I am no mighty bear at all. I am,” Halsin’s voice wobbled, “nothing more than an escaped pet with a delusion of being something more, of being some kind of great beast at one with the wild itself. But what wild animal misses their chains? Their collar? What kind of bear,” and his voice grew louder, the sheer agony finally spilling over into his words, “what kind of bear misses performing for their masters? I have known many bears. None would ever long for such marks of subjugation, but I? I close my eyes at night after you fall asleep, recalling their voices calling me a good boy, a good pet, and my heart aches with how I miss it. I was a pet, a toy, anything but myself- and, Oakfather forgive me, I yearn for it, as I have for the past hundred years!” He clenched his eyes shut, a tortured expression on his face. “Do you understand now?! No matter how much I try to convince myself, and you, I will never be anything more than what I was for them!”

Kiaran had no chance to answer, to try to reassure Halsin that his mind was playing tricks on him; in an instant, with a furious and tortured bellow, Halsin had pushed Kiaran from his lap. The gold came over his body, and then, with a roar that sounded more like a tiger than a bear, he lurched forward.

Kiaran could only watch as the bear took over, and proceeded to utterly destroy the room. Halsin’s face was twisted in fury, and he made no distinction in manner of destruction, teeth and claws working in concert to tear apart everything in his path. Cloth, leather, and wood fell to the floor, the bear’s roars growing louder as the gnawing began to hurt his teeth and jaw, and yet he seemed unable to stop, mind in a frenzy. In that moment, all the bear knew was his pain and anger, both amplifying each other in a feedback loop, and there was nothing that seemed capable of making the heartrending display stop.

Once more, no words came. Kiaran knew the bear would not understand them.

A half hour later, the bellows turned into pained whimpers and cries, and every time the bear opened his mouth, a mess of red and white revealed itself; Halsin worked his jaw, and spat out two teeth with a whine. It was a small mercy that such an injury wouldn’t carry over to his elf form if they acted quickly.

“Shit,” Kiaran finally was able to say, stepping forward. He knelt a safe distance from Halsin, but enough to be seen. He reached a trembling hand out. “Oh, love… I am sorry. I had no idea you were hurting so deeply,” he whispered. “We will talk about this, but first… I need you to let the bear go.”

The growls hadn’t even contained any words for the Speak With Animals spell to translate. Just the mindless, primal emotions Halsin only seemed able to feel as a bear. He wasn’t sure if he would see any spark of awareness in the other’s eyes, but there seemed to be something, at least, as Halsin lowered his head and whined again. 

Kiaran swallowed. “I know, love. I know the bear keeps you safe,” he whispered. “But… can you… c-can you…” He was crying again, damn it all. He had never been like this before he met Halsin, but Halsin had remade the bitter, cruel heart inside him into something soft and tender- at least where Halsin himself was concerned. “Can you please… try to trust me to keep you safe, for a while? We need to heal you up before those injuries become permanent in your bear form. If you can shift, I can use Cure Wounds, and you won’t even feel any of this, besides for maybe some soreness. It’ll probably be soup and yogurt only for a few days, but… that’s another matter.” He held his hand out.

Halsin’s face softened a little, but the pain was still clear. He grimaced as he spoke, words coming out as a low groan. Keep me safe? Help me? Halsin dared to ask in a cautiously hopeful voice as he inched forward, his nose pressing against the palm of Kiaran’s hand.

Kiaran smiled a little, gently stroking his snout. “Yes, love,” he whispered. “I will always, until my dying breath, keep you safe. Just… just let the bear go for a little while, and trust me to care for you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore, sweetheart, I promise, as I did the day you said you loved me. I will…” He stared down, something settling in his heart. “I will take it all away as best I can. All of that pain you’re carrying. If you’ll let me, that is.” He wasn’t just referring to the broken teeth and cut gums, and he thought that maybe Halsin recognized it by the way he closed his eyes for a long while.

Then, with a faint sigh from the bear, the golden light reappeared. Halsin swayed badly, clearly disoriented this time, and Kiaran steadied him in his arms before easing him down, letting Halsin sit in his lap, between Kiaran’s legs, with his back against Kiaran’s chest. “Easy, easy,” he soothed, stroking Halsin’s forehead. “Easy, love. I’ve got you. Just hold on, and try to relax. I’ll get you some tea in just a moment.” He let the magic flow through his body, then murmured the incantation, hands pressing against Halsin’s jaw- earning a groan- and mending what damage the spell could. Then he grabbed Halsin’s hands, repeating the process to repair the cuts and splinters.

“Love?” Halsin’s voice was wobbly, and still disoriented. Like something had broken deep inside him and left him unable to ground himself. “I… I am sorry…”

“Shhh.” Kiaran wrapped his arms around the elf’s shoulders and gently swayed, slow at first, and then gradually becoming a rocking motion. Under other circumstances, Halsin would surely have objected, but now he seemed to welcome it, pressing closer and holding Kiaran’s arms, desperate for that bit of contact. “I’ve got you, my love. None of- of what they did to you will ever happen again.”

Halsin shuddered hard against him. “But, but th-they… they are still…”

Kiaran’s blood ran cold. “… You said the house of your captors was long extinct, love,” he whispered. “You didn’t- oh gods, you didn’t see one of them, did you?”

Halsin hesitated. “No, not them,” he whispered, shivering again. Kiaran wished he had a blanket to drape over his shoulders, but it was in the other room. He settled for massaging Halsin’s bare shoulders as he spoke. “… But… the house that unseated them. Their matriarch’s consort. I saw him.”

“How do you know it was the same man, sweetheart?” Kiaran whispered. “You only saw them the once when you were fleeing, right?”

Halsin shook his head and shuddered. “We were all in their bedchamber when they came. They were about to chain me back to the wall for the night when the other house’s matron and her consort burst in. The consort looked right at me, and tried to kill me, only to be distracted by the matron who held me fighting back. That was when I was able to flee, as the patron joined the fight to defend her, and drew the attention of my would-be assassin.” Halsin looked queasy at the memory. “I saw him last month when we were forced to go to Baldur’s Gate to find the tools to repair the leak in the schoolhouse ceiling. He could- if he recognized me, and if the matron wanted- I could be called their rightful prize for slaying my captors. She could take me back to the Underd-”

Halsin groaned suddenly and leaned over, starting to retch; Kiaran managed to help adjust him just in time so that none of his sick splattered on them or their clothes. Halsin groaned miserably as the bout ended, and Kiaran quickly brought him over to the magic basin they owned, enchanted with a Create Water spell. “Easy, love, easy,” he whispered, grimacing when another bout began. He wet a washcloth they had nearby, and pressed it to Halsin’s neck as another groan escaped the elf.

“I know. I know,” he whispered, stroking Halsin’s cheek. “Hang in there.” When the vomiting was finally over, Halsin weakly leaned over to rinse his mouth, and Kiaran rubbed his back with one arm and wrapped the other around Halsin’s waist to steady him.

“Let’s get you to bed, alright?” He whispered. “Lie down where it’s cool and quiet, and I’ll get you a calming tea.”

Halsin shook his head, looking at Kiaran with haunted eyes. “Please,” he croaked. “Please, do not leave me. You said-”

“-That I would keep you safe. Alright, love. Then lean against me,” Kiaran whispered, his voice far calmer than he felt. “I can see you shaking.” And indeed, he could practically feel the elf’s heart pounding against him. “… My dear, please forgive my bluntness, but how long have you been having panic attacks?”

Halsin groaned miserably, pressing his forehead against the top of Kiaran’s head. “I… had them for a while, after the Shadow Curse,” he whispered. “Then they… they seemed to go away, but so did everything. There was simply fog, and nothing else inside me at all.”

A memory prickled in the back of Kiaran’s brain. “I never quite realized how burdened I was, until I met you. The threat of the shadow curse, the politics of the grove… I was forgetting who I was, but you lifted the fog. Thank you.”

“… But… I began to feel again, when I met you,” Halsin went on. “Those episodes took far longer to return than the good feelings you returned to me, but when… When I saw him…” A shudder ran down his spine.

“I understand,” Kiaran whispered. “So you’ve been having panic attacks in secret for the past two tendays. And hiding them from me.” There was no judgment in the last sentence, though a great deal of sadness leaked in all the same.

“Yes,” Halsin whispered. "I am sorry. For all of it. For how I treated you. For losing the run of myself twice tonight. I... destroyed our living room, after we worked so hard to build this house together…”

“Shhh.” Kiaran kissed Halsin’s forehead as he poured some water into a pot, which he set over their magical stove- one of the many compromises they had made between Kiaran’s partiality to urban comforts and Halsin’s preference for a more barebones arrangement. “You are forgiven, my love. Always. You were hurting, and you did not harm me.”

“Didn’t I?” Halsin whispered, reaching one hand up to rub his sore jaw. “Just because I did not strike you…”

“… It is alright,” Kiaran murmured again. “I am sorry I did not see this sooner.”

“You did. I saw how you looked at me. I would not allow you to see,” Halsin whispered, adjusting his position and wrapping his arms around Kiaran’s waist. Kiaran wrapped his free arm around Halsin in turn, and then, once the water was on the stove, he wrapped both around him, squeezing tightly. Halsin sighed in pleasure. “Your embrace makes me feel safer than any armor ever could.”

Kiaran smiled a little, and kissed Halsin’s forehead. “Good. Then you shall have it. My arms are yours for the rest of tonight. I-” He looked over, tilted Halsin’s chin up so he would look into Kiaran’s eyes as he repeated back the words Halsin had spoken to him long ago. The first kind words Kiaran could ever remember hearing, and they had come from him, a near-stranger at the time. “I am here to be your ear, as you bear your burdens, and the arms that protect you, if you can shoulder them no more.”

It was a very weak smile that answered him, but it was a smile nonetheless, and that was no small victory in Kiaran’s eyes. Halsin pressed his head against Kiaran, happy to let him share some of the weight, and closed his eyes again. He gave a deep sigh. “I am still sorry, my heart. For all of this…”

“It is alright.” Kiaran rubbed his back, swallowing. “I can only imagine how you must feel.” To have so many horrific wounds torn open again in such a short time, to try to pretend to be his normal self while facing something few could ever begin to understand. If anything, Kiaran was amazed Halsin had limited himself to the one outburst, and it spoke to Halsin’s kind, calm nature that he had. “Truly, love, perhaps I don’t say this enough, but you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. I didn’t want to say it too much, out of fear of… of sounding patronizing. But that is the truth. I am in awe of you, for all you have endured while staying such a good person. So much that you still found it in your heart to take care of me when I was barely more than a mindless murderer.”

“You were much more than that!” Halsin sounded heartbroken as he protested Kiaran’s harsh words. “We could all see that you were fighting the monster inside you, and you succeeded. There is nothing more we could have asked from you.” Halsin looked away. “Whatever my strength, it is nothing compared to yours.”

“I beg to differ, but… in any case, I do not think this particular argument will change anything,” Kiaran sighed, hugging Halsin again and kissing his forehead. “What does matter is this: I love you, endlessly, without exceptions. And there will never come a day when I am not here to care for you the same as you have always taken care of me. Do you understand me, love?”

Halsin swallowed. “I understand,” he whispered, leaning into the hug. “I just... I wish that I could erase the past two weeks, tell my past self what a fool he was being.”

“We all have those moments, whether we’re a 40 year old half-Drow or a 350 year old wood elf,” Kiaran whispered sadly. “What matters is that we do not repeat those mistakes, and I know we will not.”

“No,” Halsin agreed, leaning more heavily against Kiaran. His legs shook violently as the adrenaline in his system began to wear off.

The sight caused Kiaran to make a worried noise as he waited for the water to boil. The sooner he could get Halsin to start resting, the better. “Hold on, sweetheart. Just a few moments,” he whispered.

“I will be alright. I have endured worse,” Halsin murmured, but his voice betrayed no small amount of pain and exhaustion.

Kiaran watched the bubbles slowly flit over the surface of the water, his own thoughts growing increasingly uneasy. Two problems were now before him. He’d have to track down this Drow noble and kill him, he had no doubt about that, and probably his matron as well. They were simply too dangerous to allow anywhere near Halsin, and beyond that, their very existence was going to undo every iota of progress Halsin had made after the war’s end. Kiaran would- right or wrong- trade a hundred lives to preserve Halsin’s sanity. So there was one task in front of him, but one he was well-suited for as a Ranger.

The other problem, the problem with a less clear solution, was Halsin’s mind itself. Kiaran couldn’t allow him to continue to suffer like this. It would tear Halsin apart- and Kiaran too, for that matter- mentally and very likely physically, if tonight was any indication. He would have to think on that, but later, after he convinced his exhausted partner to rest.

He needed for Halsin to rest, at the very least, because there was no doubt that Kiaran would not be sleeping for a single moment tonight, not after what he had seen and heard. One of them, at least, ought to be well-rested come morning, and he’d rather it be Halsin than himself.

Chapter Text

Once Halsin had fallen asleep, Kiaran cleaned up as best he could in the living room. What could be salvaged for scraps- which was precious little- he moved into the corner. The rest of it, their furniture and everything else, would have to be replaced. He shook his head with a sigh. Halsin would never forgive himself, and it was going to be painful to see the inevitable castigation later when he entered the room and was confronted with the results of his breakdown the night before.

Once that was done, he returned to their bedroom and pulled Halsin into his arms. He kept Halsin there for the entire night, and every time the Druid started to stir, Kiaran would massage his back and whisper gentle, sweet words to him until the sounds of slow, deep breathing told him his partner was fully asleep again.

Between those moments, Kiaran’s mind wandered to one of two places. He had to think of a plan to strike down the Drow nobles, ideally with some advantage to mitigate the tremendous risk of venturing into the Underdark. As nervous as the thought made him… he had ventured there once and survived, hadn’t he? And besides, he was still in contact with all of his old traveling companions, sending letters carried by birds Halsin had befriended. It would take only a matter of days to arrange a meeting with Astarion and his beloved Taviana to discuss a way forward; perhaps it could even be done without Halsin’s knowledge so that he would not have to worry about Kiaran’s safety. Kiaran could simply return with the news that Halsin was finally, truly free of his past.

And perhaps even that much wouldn’t be necessary. If a trip to the Underdark wasn’t needed, it would be easier to kill them here on the surface where they would not have the protection of an entire house of guards and servants. Then again, that might not be ideal either, because if they were here to begin with, that would also likely mean…

Kiaran shuddered at the thought, but there it was, in all its horror. If the nobles who had unseated Halsin’s captors left the Underdark for more than a single scouting, it was because they were looking for something. Or more likely, someone.

Kiaran inhaled sharply. Best not to go there. He didn’t know for a fact they were looking for Halsin; after all, Halsin had found the consort inside of Baldur’s Gate, not in the commune. The man might not even know where Halsin lived.

And thank the heavens for that, because Kiaran thought Halsin might never recover if this space was invaded that way. Halsin might never feel safe again. No, it was far better the encounter had happened somewhere Halsin already hated rather than their home. If their luck held, it would simply prove to be a deeply unfortunate coincidence that Kiaran would rectify in the Underdark.

Halsin started to stir again, a faint noise of discontent escaping him. Kiaran was whispering to him in an instant, “Shh, sweet love, I’m here, go back to sleep,” and Halsin quickly settled back down again.

Kiaran’s thoughts wandered back to his other task: helping Halsin work through this. His mind turned over the words Halsin had spoken and his anguish as he admitted to the things he enjoyed, followed by the raw terror, anger, and self-hatred coming to the surface during his breakdown. Kiaran had never seen him in such a state, and he hoped he never would again. He never wanted his gentle, kind bear to feel such pain ever again.

But the truth was that with so many things bothering him, it would be difficult to fix this. It was a long list of things causing him pain: there was the survivor guilt, as always, both from his captivity and the Shadow Curse. There was also the way he’d pushed the pain aside for so long that his mind tricked him into forgetting or downplaying the worst parts of his captivity, until the reappearance of one of the Drow reminded him of it all too painfully. Then there was the way his forced pleasure during his repeated sexual assaults had tricked his mind too, making him think he’d enjoyed his captivity so that when faced with the stresses of being Archdruid, he’d felt nostalgic for his chains- and even if Halsin was no longer Archdruid, the stress from that time was still present. After 100 years of such severe stress and isolation, it would take far longer than six months for him to ease into their new idyllic life, and until then, that lingering pain would be there to haunt Halsin like a phantom limb.

No wonder Halsin had been so distraught as to think he was never going to be anything but a pet. His desire to surrender control had been used to break him and bend him to the Drow’s will. And then he had endured so much as Archdruid that reliving his captivity had become the most comforting fantasy he could imagine, because he finally had enough distance that his days in the Underdark were hardly real anymore. It was safer that way, a concept more than a memory, but finally realizing what he was doing had brought so much self-loathing to him, had made him feel like he no longer had a right to be upset at the worst parts of what had happened to him.

Kiaran stroked Halsin’s hair, listening to the elf’s little sighs as he shifted and subconsciously wrapped his arms tighter around Kiaran. His ear rested over Kiaran’s heart, the sounds of Kiaran’s heartbeat having lulled him to sleep earlier. Kiaran smiled down at him; the picture was so endearing that it took his breath away for several seconds. “My sweet honey bear,” he murmured, stroking Halsin’s cheek. “Do not be frightened. I will make this better, somehow. Worry not. Go back to sleep.” They both fell quiet again, Kiaran watching Halsin as his mind wandered.

He kept thinking of Halsin’s agonized confession the night before, the words all but torn from him. "I yearn for it, as I have for the past hundred years!” Yearning.

Halsin had never been allowed to know the parts he’d described as “toe-curling delights” separate from the parts he fully admitted had been torturous. He was still thinking of them as a package, even though Kiaran knew they didn’t have to be. He could rediscover that aspect of his sexuality entirely without them- if he was open to such a thing to begin with.

The solution forming in Kiaran’s mind was almost painfully simple, and yet he was afraid to voice it. He didn’t want to take advantage of Halsin’s vulnerable mental state, nor to make him think Kiaran found anything titillating about his abuse by the Drow. Yet allowing Halsin to enjoy submission again, this time with a consenting partner, was what he kept returning to, as he thought about what Halsin had said the night before. How he missed the delights he felt, the collar, the endearments they called him. Halsin ached to surrender control in a way that was safe.

And if that was so, maybe he needed to be shown that he could pretend to be a pet without being nothing more than a pet. That it was a perfectly normal fantasy to have, even those parts of it, and he could indulge his desires without truly having his autonomy stripped away from him. He could experience those things, just the pleasures of them, without true loss of freedom or danger to himself, in a safe space.

He needed a space where those desires wouldn’t be used against him, not to subjugate and violate him, and not for mockery either. He could be a pet and still be himself- he could be everything he had been, and still enjoy the role of a submissive too, and his body could be his again. Kiaran wanted to show Halsin that. Wanted to show him that there was nothing in the world Kiaran wouldn’t provide for him, even the desires that brought him the most shame.

Would he be on board with it, though? He would surely listen to the idea, at the very least, but Kiaran knew his partner, and knew how much he could struggle with voicing his own sexual wants and needs. He was, most of the time, singularly focused on Kiaran’s pleasure; Kiaran always had to drag each admission out of him. He liked to please, not to be pleased, and that would make something like this all the more difficult. Hells, Halsin hadn’t even let Kiaran use his mouth on him, after all this time.

And now Kiaran finally understood exactly why it had always been this way. Every desire, every fantasy Halsin had ever had, the Drow had used against him to break him down. He wondered how they had learned of the desire Halsin had to submit- a truth potion, or an involuntary reaction from Halsin when they abused his body? He couldn’t imagine the humiliation of not only being violated, but experiencing unwanted pleasure and having it weaponized against him too. Halsin had wanted to have control stripped from him for so long, only for those monsters to use it to destroy him. He couldn’t bear to imagine how terrible Halsin would have felt, especially when they forced him to orgasm, as the final twist of the knife. The thought made nausea burn in his belly like acid, and he had to make himself look down at Halsin to remind himself that no matter what had been done back then, at least Halsin was safe now. He had Kiaran at his side now to guarantee no one would so much as look at him again without his consent.

Still… Kiaran’s mind kept wandering back to what he had learned. Staying in control wasn’t just Halsin’s way of ensuring his partners stayed satisfied- it was his way of protecting himself too. He couldn’t have his secret desire to submit used against him if he presented himself as an unshakable dominant, and his size was useful for that. No one would ever look at his hulking frame and guess he would want anything else- just as no one would look at him and suspect he was gentle and quiet and almost shy at times. People rarely cared to learn that much about others beyond their own preconceived notions, and the image formed of Halsin was both a blessing and a curse. He knew Halsin hated to be thought of as dumb muscle, but dumb muscle was the last type of person any sane person would mess with, other than an occasional drunk looking for a brawl- so he allowed it.

Kiaran tried to practice what he’d say to Halsin later, but none of the mental scripts he wrote sounded right. The words either sounded too clinical or too… interested. He wanted to help Halsin, yes, and there was no denying he did feel arousal at the idea of experimenting with domination with him- it was something he’d dreamed of right from the moment he’d met Halsin by that tree for their first time together. But it was difficult for him to explain that he wanted to use it to help Halsin without sounding like he was implying something else entirely. Gods, if he failed so badly that he made Halsin think he was aroused by what had happened to him… not only would Kiaran never forgive himself, but Halsin might never trust him again. Might never trust anyone again.

Kiaran exhaled, closing his eyes. Addressing this could either help Halsin or break him worse; the stakes were almost too high for Kiaran to act. And yet, as his thoughts drifted back to the scene in the living room, when the inside of the bear’s mouth had been utterly shredded from the wood he’d chewed on… he had to wonder if it truly was possible for it to get any worse.

The uneasy thoughts lingered, making his mind too aware and too anxious to nod off. Every time he got tired enough to close his eyes, a memory would replay itself and jolt him awake. Halsin’s bloody mouth, his violent trembling after, his voice talking about his captivity and the appearance of one of the Drow who had unseated his captors. A younger Halsin, chained to a bed, tears in his eyes as the matron mother-

Fuck. Kiaran sucked in a sharp breath and wrapped his arms tighter around Halsin, earning a sleepy, curious noise. It was in the past. No one would ever hurt Halsin that way again. Not as long as Kiaran drew breath.

But it didn’t change what had happened before. He stared down at the sleeping elf, listening to his soft breaths, watching his remarkably calm face. How could anyone ever hurt him? How could anyone see his warm smile, or the gentleness with which he held the children in the commune, the way his face lit up every time he played with them, and ever even think about it? He thought of Halsin in ursine form, vibrating with laughter as he gave rides to the children who squealed in delight and then a bit of fear when the bear began to run.

His sweet bear, who always tried to protect and nurture those who needed it, who had given so much to the world and still sought to give more. No one deserved what had happened to Halsin, but Halsin was the least deserving out of anyone in the world.

He traced a finger over the tattoo on Halsin’s cheek, and then followed the pattern down his face and to his neck, pausing at the tips of the thorns. He heaved a sigh, gazing out the window as the sun began to rise. Halsin would wake soon, and then they’d have to decide how to approach today. If Kiaran had any say in it, Halsin would stay in bed at least until noon, and then they would venture into town together. Halsin would spend the day with the children- it was a weekend, so they’d be free from school, and the other adults would surely want them out from under their feet. That would be the distraction Halsin needed, the way to get him out of his own head for a while. Then they could come back home, and Kiaran might finally be able to tell Halsin his idea for helping him with the memories that plagued him.

Kiaran yawned, stretching, and was about to close his eyes again for a few minutes of not-sleep when Halsin stirred with a faint groan.

“Love? Are you alright?” Kiaran whispered at once, petting Halsin’s hair. “Are you hurting?”

“… Yes,” Halsin admitted, grimacing and massaging his jaw.

“Ah.” Kiaran nodded, gently setting his hands on both sides of Halsin’s face. “Close your eyes a moment, then, sweetheart. I’ll use Cure Wounds again, see if that helps,” he said, and once Halsin complied, he muttered the incantation. “How does that feel?” he asked as the soft blue light enveloped them.

“Better; thank you,” Halsin murmured, sitting upright before letting out a huff, burying his face in his hands. “That was real, wasn’t it? What I did?” he asked, full of shame and dread despite knowing the answer already.

“Yes,” Kiaran replied, stroking Halsin’s forehead with his thumb. “I am afraid it really happened, love, I can’t lie and say it was a nightmare, but… please do not be angry with yourself. You were not yourself… Literally not yourself, I think. What I saw was all the bear, and not at all you.”

Halsin just shook his head. “I should have been able to control it. I am so very sorry…”

“Shh. As we said last night, love… these things happen. To all of us. Even to 350-year-old, wise, kind wood elves,” Kiaran murmured, pressing his lips to Halsin’s forehead. “We will rebuild. The things that were destroyed were just that: things. You know that as well as anyone. Besides, that loveseat was absolutely hideous. That carpenter must have been drunk when he made it. We could have done better ourselves.”

Halsin laughed weakly, leaning his forehead into Kiaran’s lips. “I suppose that is true,” he said, but there was still hesitation in his voice. But at least he wasn’t so sure he deserved judgment for this as to argue about it.

It was a good sign, all things considered; a series of tiny mercies that gave Kiaran hope he could, if he proceeded with caution, help pull Halsin out of this. With a sigh, he placed a soft kiss on Halsin’s lips, holding his face gently in his hands. “Worry not, my sweet honey bear,” he whispered. “Everything will be fine. I promise. Now, why don’t you lay with me for a while longer? Even if you do not wish to go back to sleep, it is still quite early, and you could use some more rest, I think.”

Halsin thought. “I need to use the washroom first, and we must feed our strays their breakfast.” He gave a wry smile at that. The village’s animals all knew that, as much as Halsin would scold them for their laziness if they refused to hunt themselves, he would still never say no if they came begging for scraps. The two of them kept the meat they hunted in a device Gale had invented, a box enchanted to stay cold, so that they would never have to worry about spoilage. And they were more than happy to share their bounty with any animals, travelers, or children who wanted extra time with their Daddy Halsin and managed to talk their way into staying for dinner, or even a sleepover if they were lucky.

Halsin lived for those nights. One day in the not-too-distant future, Kiaran had no doubt Halsin would bring up the subject of having or adopting a child of their own, but for now, Halsin’s heart seemed more than full enough with their charges.

Kiaran yawned, trying not to let his exhaustion show. “Hmm. Alright, love,” he said, stretching. “Why don’t we do that together, and then I will make us breakfast when we return? We’ve got some eggs, potatoes, and Arabellian cheddar that would be delicious together, and nice and gentle on your teeth, I think.”

“You are making my mouth water,” Halsin mock-scolded, kissing Kiaran softly as he stood, and then started to walk to their living room. “It sounds wonderful. Thank you. Let us hurry so that we shall not be hungry for too long.”

Kiaran exhaled in relief. At least this way he would be at Halsin’s side when-

“… Oh, Kiaran… I am so very sorry…” Halsin whispered, pulling up short to stare at the room in horror. His eyes grew wet, and for a long moment Kiaran feared he might burst into tears right there. “I c-can’t believe I-”

“-Shh,” Kiaran whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around Halsin. “Shh. Let it go. You were frightened, and angry, and the bear acted as it needed to keep you safe.”

“… By destroying the room?” Halsin asked, disbelieving.

“It makes perfect sense to me, love. You said yourself the beast comes out when your blood runs hot. You needed to let out your anger and pain, and the bear made sure you did before you turned it inward instead. Even if it still hurt you.” Kiaran gave a sad smile and let his thumb hover over one side of Halsin’s swollen jaw. “It was better than the alternative, and your bear knew that. I would rather lose every possession I have than lose you.”

Halsin swallowed hard, thinking over Kiaran’s words. “… I… suppose you are right,” he finally allowed, closing his eyes as he let out a breath, shoulders slumping. Kiaran wasn’t sure if he truly believed them, or was simply too tired to argue the point. “I… suppose there is nothing we can do but move on. Come, let us…” He cleared his throat. “The animals are probably wondering where their breakfast is…”

“Yes. Let’s feed those strays. Maybe some of your ducks will come visit,” Kiaran murmured, hoping to cheer Halsin up even a tiny bit. “Let me grab their vegetables, too.”

“… It might be too early for them; they like to sleep until the village roosters wake them. But we can try,” Halsin allowed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. The lines of stress that had faded after a few months in their commune were now back with a vengeance.

“Well, at any rate, the cats will be here. And it is kitten season. Maybe one of the queens will finally be in labor?” He suggested hopefully, before falling quiet again with a sigh. “I sound like a child, bringing up pointless distractions in an attempt to cheer you up… I am sorry, love.”

“It is quite alright. I find it rather endearing,” Halsin admitted, stroking the back of Kiaran’s hand. “Under normal circumstances, either of those would certainly do the trick.”

“Just not today,” Kiaran finished with a nod. “Right. Sorry. I… I can be… bad with people, sometimes.” He rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward smile.

“So can I, at times. It comes with the territory.” Halsin chuckled and placed a kiss on his lips. “In any case, I am lucky to have you. Let us go.” He gave a little smile, then headed over to their icebox to fill up a bag with meat. That done, he gestured for Kiaran to follow out of the treehouse.

Halsin seemed to be doing as well as could be expected, considering the circumstances, though Kiaran had no doubt it was simply because of the distractions he was being given. If he had time for his thoughts to wander again, it could lead to dangerous places.

Halsin’s calmed mood lasted as they fed the animals, which, as Halsin had suspected, included neither their ducks, nor any newborn kittens. When the cats, dogs, and crepuscular birds of prey were fed, they gave each other a silent nod of acknowledgement and ventured back into their house.

It stayed quiet as Kiaran sat Halsin down at their kitchen table and started to cook, though Kiaran did try to get him to talk more. After they both nibbled listlessly at the breakfast Kiaran made, it took little effort for him to persuade Halsin to return to bed for a few hours- allowing Kiaran to finally rest as well. He was thankful for it; they would both need more energy than this for the discussions to come.

But that would wait. For now, he was happy to spoon up behind his partner and enjoy some rest while Halsin took a meditation-nap.

Chapter Text

Halsin stirred long before Kiaran did. He rolled over in Kiaran’s arms carefully, not wanting to wake him- nor to cause him to withdraw from the embrace. He nuzzled Kiaran’s cheek with a sigh, then pulled back to watch the peaceful expression on Kiaran’s face as he slept.

The guilt twisted like a knife in Halsin’s stomach. Not only had he pushed Kiaran away for weeks, causing Kiaran to doubt Halsin’s love for him, but he had destroyed their living room, and then he had unloaded all his burdens onto Kiaran…

And had deceived him for so long. Letting Kiaran think he was a strong, wise bear when he was a mere pet.

Kiaran had learned of his past with the Drow early on and chosen to love him anyway. But would he have done so if he knew how much Halsin still craved their praise, their orders, their ownership? If he knew Halsin missed the collar and chains the way one missed an old home? Would he still love Halsin if he knew Halsin had failed as a leader not only because of when and how he had gotten the role of Archdruid, but because he spent so much time letting his mind float back to those days in the Underdark?

He bit his lip, inhaling sharply. He hadn’t meant to deceive Kiaran, but he couldn’t deny that was precisely what he’d done, making himself seem strong and good when he was weak and tainted.

He closed his eyes and traced a finger over his neck. If he focused hard enough, he could still feel it. The soft yet firm embrace of the leather collar and the heavy and terrifying weight of metal chains pressing his body against the bed. He’d wanted his freedom back more than anything in the world, yet once he had it, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Deep down, he suspected the truth was that he wasn’t meant to be free at all, let alone to be a leader, an Archdruid, or a village elder. There was a reason he was happiest when he surrendered conscious thought to his bear. Bears didn’t have to make decisions. They just were. No one had any demands of the fierce cave bear; all he had to do was fill his most basic need. It was only when he was an elf once again that anyone had expectations of him.

Secretly, he envied true bears, yet he could share this fact with no one, not even Kiaran. Sapient beings would never agree that advanced consciousness could be a curse, and true bears were incapable of understanding something so beyond their lived experiences. Though the bears would agree that their existences were happy and simple ones, they wouldn’t understand the weight of the statement, if they ever said such a thing. It would be a simple acknowledgement of happiness in their own lives, not a comparison to Halsin’s.

The closest he had ever come to getting such a statement from a bear was when talking to old Ormn, who he missed terribly. And after hearing that he missed Halsin just as much, the Druids had begun making the first steps to relocate him. Ormn, the timid, fretful bear he was, had come the closest of any bear Halsin had ever known to understanding the weights Halsin carried. He worried about Halsin always, and always tried his hardest to understand Halsin’s problems, even if he truly couldn’t. In those moments, Ormn would always fall quiet and then offer to catch him some fish, or to cuddle up together. Other times still he would ask Halsin to recount the story of when he’d found him as a cub rejected by his mother, not because he didn’t remember that day, but because it cheered them both to remember when they’d met and become lifelong friends.

A sad smile formed on Halsin’s face. Ormn was a good friend, and he was getting older by the day… Halsin truly did need to make those arrangements sooner than later so that Ormn could spend his golden years with his favorite person. He’d love the children here, no doubt, though Halsin would have to explain to them that as he was old, arthritic, and easily tired, Ormn wasn’t quite well enough to give rides the way Halsin did. The children would spoil him rotten with fish and berries until Halsin would be forced to intervene and state he was to be in charge of the bear’s meals.

Halsin sighed, closing his eyes. There it was again. For as much as Halsin treasured his wildshape, he would never be allowed the freedom true bears had. He carried the weight of responsibility, and the pains of his past, inescapable and terrifying- even though he was infinitely happier with his role in the commune than at the Grove, and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He traced a finger over his neck again and replayed the matriarch's voice in his ears- “good boy”. He shivered, and then exhaled sharply, shaking his head to clear it. He stroked Kiaran’s face again, trying to distract and calm himself from the growing urge inside him to wildshape, to do something to satisfy the inner voice that silently screamed for him to abandon his higher thought in favor of the simplicity of either his animal form or the submissive mindset forced on him in the Underdark.

He let out a noise of frustration and got ready to stand, resigning himself to wildshaping; his eyes were already starting to glow golden before he left the bed.

“Love? Wha’s’a’matter?” Kiaran slurred sleepily against him, reaching out blindly for Halsin as though trying to make him stay.

Halsin grit his teeth to focus, to fight back the shift for a second longer. “Nothing. Go back to sleep. I just wanted to enjoy a moment in ursine form,” he answered.

“… Alright.” Kiaran watched Halsin for a moment as the elf sat on the ground and wildshaped, and then Kiaran came over to pet him. Halsin sighed heavily, leaning into every touch. “How about I move my blanket and pillow here on the rug, and we can cuddle this way?” Kiaran suggested, scratching behind Halsin’s ears.

That sounds nice, Halsin allowed, bumping his muzzle affectionately against Kiaran’s shoulder. I am sorry I woke you, my heart, and after you barely slept at all last night… You must be so exhausted.

“Hush now,” Kiaran murmured, continuing to scratch under Halsin’s fur. “I’ll go back to sleep in just a moment. Are you alright?”

Yes. I am. Halsin rested his chin on Kiaran, causing them both to laugh softly. I just.. Sometimes, I need a simpler mindset.

Kiaran looked at him for a moment. He had a way of doing so that made Halsin feel completely exposed, and yet, somehow, not in the least afraid. It was like the way his late family had known him. It felt comfortable and safe to be understood this way, rather than frightening as he once feared it would be if he ever felt that level of closeness again.

“… And is this the simpler mindset you wanted?” Kiaran ventured, slowly, cautiously.

Damn it all.

Halsin sighed and looked away. It is one I enjoy, he said, avoiding a direct answer. I can let some of my other worries go, once I stop having conversations like this. He set a paw in Kiaran’s lap to show he was only joking, worried his words would be misunderstood if he didn’t make some kind of gesture to indicate it.

Thankfully, Kiaran took the words with the humor Halsin intended, and he chuckled, stroking the fur on Halsin’s paw. “I see. Then by all means, enjoy a vacation from your thoughts for a while,” he murmured, before he paused, looking at Halsin again. “Later today, I have an idea I would like to discuss with you. If that is acceptable, of course. I think it might help with… what you told me last night.”

Of course. Halsin lay down on his side and pressed Kiaran’s pillow against his chest, between his front legs, so that Kiaran could lay against him.

“Thank you, my sweet honey bear,” Kiaran murmured, gathering up a fistful of coarse fur in his hand and giving a deep sigh as he settled in as well, spooned up in front of Halsin.

I love when you call me that. Halsin bumped Kiaran with his muzzle. Now sleep, please. You have already seen to my own rest, so I shall see to yours now. I shall be fine, I promise. I… I know I was not well last night, but I am in control of myself now. I am… stabilized.

Kiaran yawned. “Don’t have to tell me twice, love,” he said, closing his eyes. “I’m glad you’re feeling… at least a little better.”

A little better. His mental state wasn’t great by any means, even he had to admit, but it was at least better than last night. He certainly wasn’t about to lose control of himself again and give in to a frenzy that would cause him to destroy the house. He would never allow himself to terrify Kiaran that way again- no matter what he had to do to prevent it from happening. He wrapped a protective paw around Kiaran’s middle and rested his head on top of Kiaran’s, listening to the little hum he gave in response.

The rest of the day passed in much the same way; they stayed by each other’s side whether Halsin was in wildshape or his normal form. They made it comfortable and almost lazy, yet not as effortless as a true lazy day would be. This was purposeful rest and recovery, instead of something that came easily.

It wasn’t perfect, but Halsin enjoyed it very much. That was, until his doubts and fears started to creep back in shortly after lunch. He felt the anxiety welling up inside him again as the fears all came back- the worry he was a monster; the terrible feeling that the nobles from the Underdark were coming for him; and the memories of the Shadow Curse, all prickling under his skin like poison ivy. The instant he consciously registered the thoughts, his heart started to pound. He pressed his palms to his eyes and tried to take a deep breath.

“Easy, love. I’m here,” he heard Kiaran say. He felt Kiaran’s calloused hands stroking gently over his shoulders and back before starting to work softly through his hair. “Breathe for me. I’m here. Nothing is going to happen to you, or to me.”

Halsin let out a shuddering breath- and realized, the instant Kiaran squeezed his hand, that his own was trembling. He swallowed, trying to find his voice, but no sound came. Just a fast, short breath.

“It’s alright,” Kiaran whispered again. “Nothing is going to happen, my sweet honey bear. You’re staying on the surface with me until I draw my last.” He knelt in front of Halsin, grabbing his hands. “Can you do something for me, love?” Halsin swallowed and managed to nod, closing his eyes in embarrassment as once again, his attempt to speak failed to produce a sound. “Alright. Just… breathe for me? With me, if you can.” Halsin watched Kiaran’s chest for a while and tried to match it, though he ended up breathing faster than Kiaran.

His heart skipped a beat when Kiaran moved his leg, causing his panicked thoughts to jump as he faintly cried out “no!” once his voice partially returned. He squeezed Kiaran’s arm as his mind raced, silently screaming out a mantra of don’t go please don’t go can’t be alone anymore. What if he had driven Kiaran away, what if Kiaran had just been waiting to be sure Halsin wouldn’t wildshape and maul him-

“Oh, love.” Kiaran’s voice was filled with pain and sadness, his eyes reflecting just how much it hurt him to see Halsin like this, and it made the guilt Halsin already felt increase tenfold. He squeezed his eyes shut in a useless attempt to stop tears from leaking out.

Kiaran took Halsin’s right hand in both of his and brought it to his chest, resting it over his heart. “I am here, love,” he whispered. “I am never leaving you. You were there for me when I needed you most, and now…” He raised the hand to his cheek, gently holding it in place there, and Halsin sighed, relaxing ever so slightly. “I am here for you.”

“I am sorry,” Halsin croaked out, shoulders slumping. “I k-know this is… I am not…”

“You are not what, love?” Kiaran’s face was so kind, so patient, that it almost hurt to look at. His forehead creased with worry, but his eyes were warm and soft, and they held every bit as much love for him as they had after they’d settled in to this house. The house Halsin had destroyed.

It was too much, the sights around him, the feeling of his heart pounding in his chest- even Kiaran’s voice, which he loved to listen to, felt overwhelming. His eyes closed again, overwhelmed by all the sensory input around him. He briefly considered wildshaping into something lacking one or more of the senses he had in humanoid form, maybe a bat or a mole, but decided against it. “I am not,” he took in a shuddery breath, “this is not what you fell in love with. I am sorry for deceiving you.”

Kiaran was quiet for a long while. He took Halsin’s hand in his again, but this time he massaged it, and the sensation was so delightful that even in this state, Halsin couldn’t suppress the sigh that escaped him. After a while, Kiaran finally murmured, “Do you really think, love, that I thought you were unbreakable? Did you think I never anticipated you might need me the way I needed you? Did you… did you think that our whole relationship, you would only give, and I would only ever take?”

“No,” Halsin allowed, eyes still closed. “… I did not… I suppose that I… I thought my needs might be, that you might do so if I fell ill, perhaps, or if I ever carried a child for us…”

“But not you hurting, even after all you’ve been through?” Kiaran murmured, setting Halsin’s hand down. He pulled Halsin’s legs into his lap instead, and Halsin let out another pleased sound at the wonderful kneading pressure working away at his tight muscles. “Why? Is it really so hard to believe I don’t expect perfection of you? That I could make an ordered list of the reasons I want to be with you, and that what you can do for me would not appear until several hundred items down the list?”

Halsin took in a breath, expression pinched as he murmured a soft, but still blunt, “yes,” his eyes opening to see the effect his words would have.

Kiaran inhaled sharply, carefully controlling his expression. After a moment, he gave a single nod. “I understand. Thank you for being honest with me, love,” he said softly. “We will work on this, then. Both of us, together, until you never again doubt, for even a moment, what it is about you that draws me to you.” His eyes were filled with so much pain in spite of his attempts to remain neutral, and Halsin hated knowing that he was the cause of it, even if Kiaran didn’t blame him.

“I am sorry, my heart,” he whispered, leaning forwards. He pushed himself from the chair and to the ground next to Kiaran, sliding himself to sit half on top of him so he could rest his head on the man’s chest. “I never wanted to burden you like this.”

“You are not a burden. If we do this three times a day for the rest of our lives, the thought will still never cross my mind; I would only be angry at not being able to make these episodes stop for you,” Kiaran whispered, stroking Halsin’s hair. “If you cannot believe anything else I tell you, just believe that. That… and believe in my love for you. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” Halsin whispered, squeezing Kiaran’s waist. “As long as you can believe the same of me.”

“I already do.” Kiaran played with Halsin’s hair for a while, and silence fell over them until, some time later, Halsin found that his breathing had returned to normal, his heart was no longer painfully pounding in his chest, and his extremities were no longer trembling.

Halsin finally spoke. “My heart? You said you had something you wanted to discuss with me, earlier,” he reminded Kiaran, tracing over Kiaran’s shoulders with one finger. The touch grounded him. “About an idea you had to improve this. Do you still wish to speak? If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them; I do not wish to feel this again.”

Kiaran winced. “I am not sure if this is the right time for it, love,” he murmured, shaking his head. “Honestly, it was probably a foolish idea regardless. I thought it might help, but seeing this, I think… no, I know, it would be selfish at best and absurd and dangerous at worst. Forget I said anything, alright?”

A frown. Halsin shook his head, pressing his lips to Kiaran’s at an awkward angle thanks to how he rested against him. “… I do not see how you could ever be called selfish, love. Would you tell me what the idea was, at least? We do not have to do it if you no longer wish to, but I would like to know what you thought of. Perhaps you are still right, and we could do something similar to your idea, whatever it was.”

Kiaran grimaced. “… I… I do not wish to hurt you. Nor, selfishly, to make you cross with me,” he admitted. “To see what you just went through and then to propose this… I… I fear I would be making light of it all, and that is not what I intended at all when the thought came to me.”

“But you have just said as much, so now I will know when you tell me,” Halsin reasoned. “I’ve no reason to be angry. Even if it does not turn out to be a wise idea, you clearly thought of it out of concern for me, using your best judgment. You have my word, you shall not hurt me- at worst, I will simply say no.” He gave Kiaran another awkwardly-angled kiss. “I promise, my heart.”

Kiaran inhaled sharply. Hells, what had he just gotten himself into? Now it was his turn to squeeze his eyes shut, until the words finally tumbled out of him with none of the finesse he had hoped for the night before. “… I just keep thinking about what you said. About you missing the things your captors did, the submission, all of it,” he said in a rush. “So I was… I was wondering if you might want to explore a consensual version of that, where you would experience submission but… but with me. Who would not hurt you, at least, not in any way you did not want.”

Halsin opened his mouth, and then closed it. “… Ah.”

“Sorry. It was a foolish idea. I never should have-“ Kiaran began, only to be cut off by Halsin shaking his head.

“It was not foolish. I simply need to think on it for a while,” Halsin promised. “… It… the concept is not foreign to me. I simply… need to think about the… reality of it. That is all. It has been some time since I… played those sorts of games, and… I need to think.”

To Kiaran’s immense relief, Halsin didn’t stand up to leave. Instead, he pressed closer, wrapped his arms around Kiaran’s middle, and gave a deep sigh as he murmured, “we have plenty of time for me to do that right here, I think.”

“Yes. All of the time you need,” Kiaran confirmed, stroking Halsin’s back. “I’ll be here when you… ah… when you’re done thinking.” He gave an awkward laugh, and fell into silence, waiting for Halsin’s answer.

Chapter Text

Halsin was quiet for a long time. If he was being honest with himself- which he struggled with as of late- he would be forced to admit that his problem was the opposite of what Kiaran was surely thinking the longer the silence stretched.

The problem wasn’t that he didn’t want the relief submission was sure to provide him. Rather, the problem was that he wanted it far too much. After all this time, after floating through a river of bad habits and problems with control, and after only barely managing to pull himself free of the current, he knew that wanting something too much was rarely a good thing.

And yet, the fact remained: he wanted, craved, needed the submission. He didn’t know what else he could do to get himself, and his beast, under control. And he never wanted to cause Kiaran such pain as he had not only last night, when his bear had flown into a terror-and-rage-fueled frenzy, but the weeks before, when he had all but frozen Kiaran out as he had tried to sort it out himself. He had no idea how he was going to manage the bear if they didn’t try this.

But the simple fact remained: it scared him, how much he wanted this, how some deep part of him purred, shivered, begged at the mere idea of being pushed to submit for once. Never, not once, had a consensual partner wanted that from him. Before them, he had tried to hint, sometimes, but they never seemed to understand what he wanted. And after the Drow… the desire wasn’t gone, and yet the entire concept of submission had been soured for him for a very long time. It was only because he trusted Kiaran so deeply that he could even imagine allowing such things to be done to him- let alone craving them.

But what if, came a voice in the back of his head, what if this proved he was still the same pathetic pet they had made him into? What if Kiaran grew disgusted on seeing just how much he wanted this? This wasn’t who Halsin was supposed to be, after all. It had been made abundantly clear to him, back when-

'The big ox can’t stop mewling like a kitten.'

‘Look how pathetic he is. Sad little bear. All he wants is to be our good boy. A tame little pet . And he wants it that way, doesn’t he? Wants to be tamed.’

Shuddering, shivering, it was wrong, he knew it was all wrong but it felt so good, he could barely stand it. He moaned and writhed under them, sobbing and begging, arching into every touch, ‘please please please Mistress please Master need it need it need it please I’ll do anything!’

Laughter. Echoing, sharp and cruel. A lash of a whip to his bare ass, making him whimper with humiliation and- and desire, which only made it that much worse. It felt as good as it felt terrible and he didn’t know what to do with it, with himself.

‘How many people have you fooled this way, bear? How many have you tricked with your claws and teeth? You’re no predator at all. You’re prey . All you wanted was someone to show you how to submit.’

‘Mistress-'

'Admit it. Say what you are, darthiir.’

A lash, this time on his back. He sobbed with it, and then sobbed harder as he forced out the words that tore out a piece of something deep inside him.

'I- I am- I am a pet, mistress, not a bear…’ He bowed his head as he spoke, hoping it would be the end of it, but of course it wasn’t. To his horror, he only grew harder and wetter between his legs as he spoke the words, like his body enjoyed taunting him as much as they did. Like it delighted in betraying him, in mocking all those weaknesses that had been put on display. Like it wasn’t his own body at all, like it had changed allegiances to his hosts.

Or were they his owners?

A sneer, a laugh, ’at least he knows his place.’

A hand on his cock. Stroking, teasing, making him groan. He closed his eyes, blocked it all out. It could be worse, it could be so much worse, he was alive, he wasn’t in the mines, his skin was very much not flayed and made into a decoration in a banquet hall. What kind of person would complain about anything at all, let alone receiving such pleasures, knowing the fates the others had come to?

It seemed he was every bit as spoiled as they liked to say, if he was really upset about receiving the better end of the deal. He was getting what he’d always wanted, after all, and had never been brave enough to ask for. They could have simply… simply taken what they wanted whether he wanted it or not.

He’d gotten hard from it. His cunt pulsed and his cock throbbed as their fingers worked him. He was theirs, wasn’t he? That was the only reason for this.

Even if he hated his body for making it so, he couldn’t deny it, could he?

The tears streamed down his face, but he didn’t argue. Didn’t fight. Didn’t complain.

He’d learn to enjoy it like his body wanted him to, in time.

“Halsin! Where did you go, love?” Kiaran’s face, swam into view- the purple-grey skin and freckles, the shoulder-length raven hair, the slightly bloodshot brown eyes, the scar on his chin and right eye, the piercings on the same eyebrow and his left earlobe. All so familiar and grounding and safe. Safe, the one thing a surface elf like him could never be in the Underdark. Halsin inhaled sharply, staring up at him and blinking.

He shook his head, disoriented. “Sorry,” he croaked.

“It’s alright. I should be sorry, if anything. I pushed you too hard.” Kiaran’s face was so full of worry. “You- you know you don’t have to do this, right? I’m sorry, love, truly. Just- it was a stupid idea, forget I said-”

“Love.” Halsin grabbed Kiaran’s hand, pressed it to his chest, and squeezed. “It… Have you ever…” He leaned forward, head resting on Kiaran’s shoulder as the disorientation caused him to lose his train of thought. “I am sorry… Please just give me a moment. I need…”

Kiaran frowned, then he softly suggested, “come. Let’s sit outside, on the balcony.”

Outside was perfect. There was no blue-red-orange sky in the Underdark, no clouds, no scent of soil and grass and pine. Without a word, he took Kiaran’s hand, stood, and made his way to their little balcony off the kitchen, where there was, among other things, a wooden swing that could comfortably fit both himself and Kiaran. With a sigh, Halsin lowered himself down, using first his sense of smell, then his hearing and sight, to ground himself. There was nowhere this could be but forest. His favorite place in the world to be. And his… captors (as unnatural as the word felt, even in his mind) would never venture somewhere so good, so natural.

They wouldn’t venture anywhere at all, since they were long dead.

Of course, that left the other problem, but- well.

He took in a slow, deep breath. “I think we’ll have rain tonight,” he said, gazing at the sky.

Kiaran glanced up as well. “Are you certain? There aren’t any clouds here.”

“No, I am not certain. I just suspect it will,” Halsin murmured, resting his head on Kiaran’s shoulders, and wrapping his arms around Kiaran’s smaller waist.

Kiaran nodded and fell quiet, clearly waiting to follow Halsin’s lead in this.

Halsin wished he wouldn’t. But… well. That was the entire reason for this conversation, wasn’t it? Take the lead one more time so he wouldn’t have to for a while. Sighing, Halsin searched his mind for the right words.

“It is hard,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “To admit how much I want this. I want it too much, my heart, so much that it frightens me, and that is the problem.”

Kiaran frowned, and pressed his hand to Halsin’s chest, feeling the pounding heartbeats. He started to stroke Halsin’s hair, trying to soothe him. “And why does it frighten you so, love? Are you afraid I’ll use the knowledge to hurt you? That I’ll change my mind?” A pause. “That having this desire makes you… bad?”

“The last two, yes, as well as some worries that I cannot seem to put words to,” Halsin admitted, holding Kiaran’s hand tightly. “Every time I imagine myself… being penetrated, or tied up, or hurt… I cannot imagine such a thing without imagining them there too, even if they are only watching.”

“Watching,” Kiaran repeated, and there was a deep frown on his face, brows knit together. “And what do they do when they watch you, love?”

“Do you mean when they would watch me when I was in the Underdark? They would give orders or advice to whoever they allowed to have me. Usually that was a reward for their house staff, or a way to curry favor with other noble houses; as much as surface elves are despised, dominating and humiliating one is a common fetish in the Underdark,” Halsin said, voice and gaze growing distant again. “But if you mean how I see them now, when I close my eyes? I see them… laughing at me. Telling me they were right, that I was lying to myself, and that… that others would find out, they would leave me, and I would have no one, because no one else wants a weak bear for a pet, only a strong one. They’re the only ones who wanted me as a tame pet instead of a wild bear.” He stared down at his hands, remembering what it looked like when cuffs enclosed the wrists.

Kiaran inhaled sharply, and when Halsin glanced over at him, he looked nauseous. “Love, you do not have to answer if you don’t want to,” Kiaran whispered. “I know it is difficult for you to discuss this, and I appreciate you sharing all that you have with me, whether or not you are able to tell me more. But… how many people did they… ‘let have you’ when you were enslaved?”

Halsin looked away. “I lost count. There were parties, banquets, and other special events… other times, I misbehaved severely enough for my h- captors to grow too disgusted to touch me themselves, so they’d chain me up outside instead for others to amuse themselves with. Those were the worst moments of my time there.” He swallowed hard, shivering. “When that happened, when so many strangers touched me, and worse, the possibility of my dead body being made into a decoration did not seem so terrible an alternative. But… every time I began to think such things, every time my mind began to break, they always seemed to know, and they always came back for me. They would spend days putting me back together. They would give me healing potions, tea, meals I liked, and enough drink that I could scarcely remember my own name, and if it had been a particularly brutal punishment, they would let me share their bed. I felt-” He inhaled. “I felt like they actually cared for me, or even loved me. Sometimes they even praised me for how strong I could be, how well I could take punishment, and they’d say that maybe they were wrong about me being a pathetic pet after all.”

Silence.

He looked up at Kiaran, hoping to wordlessly indicate he was done and it was Kiaran’s turn to speak, but still, no words were spoken. His face seemed to switch from distraught to completely blank in an instant.

Then Kiaran extricated himself, stood, and walked to face the tree trunk that formed the backbone of their treehouse. With an inhuman bellow of rage, Kiaran withdrew and unsheathed his knife, then drove it savagely into the bark. Then he pulled it out and stabbed the tree again.

Halsin didn’t need to ask what- who- he was imagining there instead of the tree trunk.

Wincing, he fell silent, though his brow furrowed with worry, and he chewed nervously on his lip as he waited for Kiaran’s anger to abate. When Kiaran finally let out a cry of pain- not the physical kind- and rested one arm against the tree, and his forehead on his arm, Halsin deemed it safe to walk over to him, wrap his arms tightly around him from behind, and press his face in between Kiaran’s shoulder blades. “I am sorry, my heart. For- for what you are feeling. In the sympathetic sense, I mean, not that I feel guilty for it.” Though he did feel guilty, but he also thought Kiaran might grow more upset if Halsin said that.

Kiaran turned back to face him. His breathing was ragged, his eyes growing wilder with every word he spoke. He snarled each syllable with bared teeth. “I shall find Gale. I will have him use a Wish spell, resurrect those pieces of filth, and then I shall give them the agonizing death they deserved. No- death is too good for them. I will keep them alive, begging for an end I will never give them. Just say the word, and it will be so. They will regret the day they met you! They will feel every wound they inflicted on you dealt back a hundredfold!” Kiaran let out another bellow and drove his knife into the tree trunk again.

Halsin stepped back, seeing an expression in Kiaran’s eyes that hadn’t been there since before Bhaal had stripped Kiaran of his blood. Shuddering hard, Halsin set a hand under Kiaran’s chin and gently tilted it upwards. “My love,” he whispered. “This is not the person you are anymore. Not even to them. They are not worth allowing your Urge to resurface.”

“You have always been too trusting,” Kiaran whispered, his pupils dilated. “Of others, but especially of me. I am still a killer at my core, I just choose not to for your sake. I care not about what is good and what is evil- I care for you. My position on this has not changed.”

“But that is precisely it, my love. You choose. We all make choices, every day. Do you believe that kindness comes easily for people like me? Do you think that it was easy for me to outgrow cynicism all those years ago?” Halsin shook his head. “Good is not a state of being, but a choice. You chose to be better. You chose who your true self would be. Thoughts do not make who you are… your actions do. And your actions paint a clear picture. You did not resist becoming a savage murderer just to indulge those instincts again, did you?”

“Then let me make it absolutely clear,” Kiaran said, very quietly. “You are the only thing in the entire world that is causing me to choose to be ‘good’. I resisted because I did not want disappoint you, because I wanted to be better so I could be the person you wanted me to be. I’ve no moral compass of my own; I simply borrow yours to light the way, not out of genuine desire to follow it, but because it is the way you are going, and I wish to walk that path with you. Should I lose your guidance, I will stay on your path only so long as no one gives me a reason to stray. The instant I do have a reason- like this- I will happily revert to indulging my instincts on whoever forces my hand. Perhaps my days of slaughtering true innocents are over, but few in this world besides children can truly be called such.”

Halsin looked away. “Then I… will hope that, should I pass away before you, I will have done a good enough job imparting my ‘sense of direction’ on you that you will be able to find your way without me. Or failing that, that you will act only on those who deserve it, and only those acts that they do deserve.”

“And you do not think they are deserving targets?” Kiaran retorted.

Halsin flinched, then clenched his eyes shut and shook his head. “I- I will not say I am not happy they are dead, Kiaran, but… No. No, I do not think they- that they deserved to be tortured instead, or-” His hands started to shake.

“FUCK!” he heard Kiaran scream, and then came a loud thump. “Fucking FUCK!”

Halsin jumped. His breath sped up as he tried to force his eyes open. Finally, he opened one cautious eye, and let out an exhale of relief when he saw that Kiaran had simply stabbed the knife through the tree bark again, just with more force, and not something, or someone, else.

In that moment, he knew that the prior discussion about their bedroom arrangements was over, at least for today. He had finally found a partner willing to indulge his desires, a consensual one at that, and he had ruined it with… with whatever this was.

Pathetic little bear. You really thought he could understand you like we did? You were a fool to flee. You could have stayed, defended your owners, and spent your life a cherished pet. But what did you do instead? You fled, and look how the entire world has suffered for it. Your homeland cursed, your Grove in shambles until a competent leader came, your best friend rended in two, and for what? For a child’s game of pretend? For you to spend two hundred years pretending to have a semblance of dignity that we all knew never existed?

Didn’t it ever occur to you that there was a reason no one came for you all that time? They were happier without you. No one came for you when the goblins took you, either. How could a wise Archdruid be so terrible at taking a hint? Everyone was better off when you were with us, darthiir!

“N-No… You are wrong…” He wasn’t aware he was saying the words aloud until he vaguely heard Kiaran’s voice in his ears, but over the pounding of blood, he couldn’t make out the actual words. “Not true…” He wasn’t aware he’d fallen to his knees, either, but he must have, because Kiaran was on his knees too, next to him, looking increasingly alarmed and guilty.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry love, I was stupid, I was a fool, please, please listen. It wasn’t your fault, please don’t be frightened, please come back to me, love…” Kiaran’s lips were moving, but even trying to read them, Halsin could not make out the words.

He hid his face in Kiaran’s neck with a groan, and lost himself again, his mind switching between trying to fight off the voices of his long-dead captors, and trying to surface long enough to be calmed by Kiaran.

The sky was covered by a blanket of grey-black clouds by the time Halsin surfaced again. Kiaran looked devastated, holding him close and still whispering sweet nothings in his ear, even though it had surely been hours.

“Love?” Halsin looked up at him. “L-Love?”

“Are you back? Oh, thank the gods,” Kiaran whispered. “I- I couldn’t get you to respond. Are you- here, let’s get you inside so you can lie down-“ He stood, helping Halsin up as much as he could. Halsin grunted, his legs locking up, but he managed to walk after a moment.

“I am sorry… I…” Halsin started, dread settling in his chest. Kiaran would be furious with him, surely, and now that he was calm enough to hear it, surely Kiaran would say so.

“No. I’m sorry,” Kiaran whispered. “I’m so sorry. I made you have a- Gods, I… It won’t happen again, love. Please believe me.”

“I do believe you,” he whispered, squeezing Kiaran’s hand as they made their way to the bedroom. He only realized that he felt dizzy as he laid down on the bed and felt the room sway, like he was on a boat being rocked by turbulent waters. “You are forgiven. Just as you forgave me yesterday.”

“… Yes. Like that. We…” Kiaran pressed his lips to Halsin’s forehead, looking a little desperate. “We will just be better, more careful with each other from now on, that is all. That’s all…”

Halsin pulled Kiaran down to lie on top of him, arms wrapping around his back. He knew the feeling of having lost control to disastrous results all too well, and that was without the added pain Kiaran was feeling from his own unique situation. Kiaran was important to Halsin as his lover and his family, but Halsin was all Kiaran had, the only person he loved, and sometimes, Kiaran said, the only person he felt capable of ever loving. The agony of having accidentally hurt the one he loved was sure to be infinitely worse for Kiaran than it had felt for Halsin, and that had still been awful.

Halsin felt that him being the only person Kiaran truly loved might change one day if their family ever grew, but he never spoke the thought out loud. It was for Kiaran to discover on his own.

With a sigh, he stroked Kiaran’s hair, trying to sort through his fragmented thoughts and memories. He couldn’t even remember what had triggered this. One minute they were having a difficult but needed conversation, and the next, everything was pain and fear and, for Kiaran, rage.

Three of the most basal emotions a beast could feel, along with hunger and lust.

“… I think,” Halsin said finally, voice trembling a bit, “I think we would be wise to delay discussion of this until our minds… became… a bit more stable than they are now.”

“Yes. I think that would be wise… I… I truly am sorry, love. I never expected that it would…” Kiaran’s voice was full of pain and guilt, and he pressed a soft kiss to Halsin’s cheek. “That this would cause so much pain for you… I just wanted to help.”

“I know, my heart, truly. And I…” Halsin took in a slow breath. “Remember, I asked you to speak when you had already changed your mind. Surely I am as much or even more to blame as you.”

“… Neither of us. Neither of us are to blame,” Kiaran finally said, tracing a pattern idly over Halsin’s shoulder with one finger, then he stopped short, blinking. “Love, I- fuck, what am I doing? You had a flashback and you’re taking care of me. Are you alright? What did you see, and do you want to talk about it?”

Halsin winced. “You had your own problems,” he reminded Kiaran, stroking his hair. “I think it is fair to say we have both had equally difficult struggles. As for what I experienced… it was… more of the same, I suppose. They were taunting me, using my insecurities against me. I do not wish to go into more detail than that, as I fear it will send me into another episode if I speak about it.”

“That’s fine. Thank you for telling me, anyway, I know it wasn’t easy,” Kiaran whispered. He kissed Halsin’s forehead. “Stay here with me tonight. The children will get by without their story for one night.”

It was far easier to agree than it would have been normally. “Yes,” Halsin whispered back, nodding. “Yes. I will stay here. We can rest our minds and bodies together.”

Kiaran nodded, satisfied, and they both fell silent, even as their minds whirled with the shock of what had happened, how things had managed to fall apart so suddenly.

There was nothing left to do now but pick themselves up as best they could, and hope that the time would be right for this on another day.

As a world-class healer, Halsin knew better than anyone that reopened wounds were strange in their healing process. Sometimes they stubbornly refused to heal, the skin too weak from repeated injury to repair itself properly. And yet other times, the exact opposite happened, and being reopened allowed the body to fix the damage where it failed before.

After a trying few days, full of worry, anxiety, and no small amount of clinginess from the both of them, Kiaran and Halsin found their wounds falling into the latter category, to their relief. They were still shaken and scared, and yet with their episodes of fear or rage not reoccurring, in Kiaran’s case, and not reaching the same severity as that day, for Halsin.

They kept a close watch on each other, pampering each other quite a bit. Kiaran made sure Halsin had many distractions in the form of visits with the children and animals, and Halsin made sure Kiaran had the animals and some of their adult friends at his side, too. They found physical tasks to do that exerted themselves, but not so much as to be strenuous. And they spent more time in town, with their friends and the children, where they were less likely to get lost in their own heads.

Halsin’s flashbacks and anxiety didn’t vanish, but they eased, becoming less easily triggered and not lasting as long when they did happen. Similarly, Kiaran’s anger died down, and he showed no signs of wanting to harm any innocents, as Halsin suspected would happen once he calmed down. Kiaran might insist he was only good because of Halsin’s influence, but once cured of his Urge, he had never taken any of the ample opportunities he’d had to harm someone undeserving. He might still have the capacity for great violence inside him, but he was also good enough to direct the urges only to those who were themselves a blight on the world, and that was enough for Halsin, who felt predators deserved a place in the natural world just as much as prey.

It was only after a very long tenday of recovering that Halsin finally grew brave enough to broach the subject of Kiaran’s proposed after-dark idea again. Pressing himself close to Kiaran one morning, Halsin held Kiaran’s hand, twining their fingers and letting their hands rest of Kiaran’s stomach. “If you are amenable, my heart, I wished to speak with you about something,” he said softly, letting go of Kiaran’s hand to stroke Kiaran’s cheek with two fingers instead. “Now that we both seem to be doing better… I think it might be time for us to try discussing your idea once more.”

Kiaran hummed, holding Halsin’s hand to his cheek for a moment before pulling it to lis lips. He idly kissed each finger on the hand. “If you feel up to it, love, of course we can discuss it. But in truth, I am surprised to hear you would still even consider it. Are you certain you are able to do such a thing?”

“No. I am not certain about anything where my mind is concerned, given the past month,” Halsin admitted with a sigh before he shook his head. “But I am certain that I would like to try. After we have a discussion about how to approach this, that is.”

Kiaran thought for a long while. He played with Halsin’s hair as he gathered his thoughts, his fingers gently working through the tangles in Halsin’s hair. “Before we say or do anything else, we need to figure out how to ensure this doesn’t hurt you, love,” he murmured.

“Well,” Halsin ventured. “We will make a list of things that I cannot handle. Things we must avoid. And a list of what you cannot handle either, for that matter,” he added. “What else do you have in mind?”

“A way to let me know if things have gone too far. A code word of sorts might be helpful,” Kiaran said at once.

Halsin tilted his head. “Do you intend for me to say no and not mean it?” he asked with no judgment in his voice, only true curiosity.

“I imagine it could happen in our activities. Whether you actually do so or not is your choice, of course, but it would make me feel better to know there is something in place in case you grow frightened, or I accidentally hurt you in a way you do not enjoy,” Kiaran explained, leaning over to kiss Halsin’s forehead. “Just in case, so I can know at once to stop everything.”

“That is reasonable.” Halsin nodded thoughtfully. “I think ‘mushroom’ will work well as our signal word, then. You can say it as well if you should need to.”

“Very well.” Kiaran kissed Halsin’s forehead again. “Then… what are some things you don’t want me to do, love?” He smiled over at Halsin.

Halsin thought, shifting position and stroking Kiaran’s shoulder. "I think that you should explain first, love. I suspect your list is shorter than mine," he said softly.

Kiaran nodded. "I will not hurt you in ways that are permanent. There are certain kinds of messiness I do not want to experience, as I am sure you can guess. And I do not wish to put my mouth, ah, where some humanoid messes occur."

"That is easy enough," Halsin said with a smile. He placed a tender kiss to Kiaran's lips. “As for me... nothing with, ah, certain bodily fluids…” He gestured his head downwards, and Kiaran nodded his understanding, recognizing the echo of what he had said. “Nothing to cause scarring, or any injuries that would require a Greater Restoration to heal. Lesser Restoration might be fine depending on circumstance, and anything below that level of skill would be acceptable. No choking…” He swallowed, pressing a hand to his throat and taking in a steady breath before letting it go. “Do not penetrate me when I am in my bear form. I may be able to handle other wildshapes, but I would like to wait to explore those, if that is something you would like to pursue.”

Kiaran frowned with worry, but he didn’t speak yet, just held Halsin tighter, waiting for him to continue.

“But I will not do anything involving real animals, under any circumstances,” Halsin added. “Not that I think you are that sort of person, but sometimes… Sometimes people who know about my enjoyment of wildshape make… assumptions. So it needed to be said.”

Kiaran nodded. “Of course. I did not plan on that, I assure you. I know that your wildshape is a very different matter.”

Halsin nodded as well before continuing, “and… please, do not restrain my wrists. My lower body is fine, and perhaps a chain on my neck so long as it does not choke me, but never my arms. And… I’m fine with playing with titles and forms of address, but I cannot call you ‘Master’. Ever.”

“Oh, love,” Kiaran murmured, his face full of sympathy as he kissed Halsin’s forehead. He didn’t push more than that, trusting Halsin to speak if he needed to. “I won’t do any of those things. Now,” he kissed Halsin’s lips this time, “would you mind telling me about sensations? What kinds of pain do you enjoy, and what ends up only hurting and nothing else?”

Halsin shifted position again, this time half-lying on Kiaran, and resting his head comfortably on Kiaran’s shoulder. “Sensations,” he repeated. “Well, I… Ah…” His cheeks grew red and hot. “I do enjoy being spanked.”

“Bare hands? Paddle?” Kiaran prompted, motivated as much by wanting to watch Halsin squirm as he was by wanting to truly find out.

“… Both. I enjoy both.” Halsin shivered a bit.

“Are you cold, love?” Kiaran feigned confusion, pulling the blanket up and over Halsin. “Anyway, as I was saying… You enjoy being spanked.” He let his hands hover just over Halsin’s ass, not touching yet. “What else do you enjoy then, sweetheart?”

Halsin swallowed. “I like my hair being pulled. I like to be hit and bit, as long as it is not too hard- that falls into the category of too much pain and no pleasure. And I like the feeling of being teased and… left at the brink for long periods of time,” he mumbled, cheeks growing redder.

Kiaran smiled a little, remembering all too well how much Halsin liked to make sure Kiaran came multiple times before doing so himself. At the time, Kiaran had thought he was just being an extremely considerate lover, but now he wondered. “Teasing, hair pulling, and some light hitting and biting. Noted.” Kiaran hummed, playing with Halsin’s hair, doing his best to act casual just to work Halsin up more. “Go on.”

“For physical sensations, I cannot think of anything else at the moment,” Halsin admitted. “I remember things I do not enjoy- burning and extreme cutting- but I have a hard time remembering what other parts I enjoyed for the physical sensations and what was simply… part of the overall feeling of submission. And I do not know what parts of that I will enjoy under these circumstances. Does that make sense?”

“It does,” Kiaran promised. “Now, what about other things you enjoy that aren’t just physical sensations?” He kissed Halsin’s lips, feeling the elf shiver happily under him. Fuck, if it wasn’t so important for him to know these things first, he might put negotiations aside for now. Maybe he could, maybe he could tell Halsin they’d discuss it again afterwards, and… No. Not the time, he had to remind himself, it had to wait. This conversation nearly hadn’t happened at all; he had to make sure they talked about all the important parts, or else he would risk ruining this before it truly started, as they had come so close to having happen many times already. Kiaran pulled away, but his breathing was noticeably heavier.

Halsin considered that for a while, looking like he was fighting not to lose himself too. “I want… to feel…” He fished for the right word. “Powerless, but safe. I want this to be… I want to follow your lead, I want these all to be your decisions. If I truly need to stop something, I will use our codeword, and I trust you not to do what I said I could not handle, but otherwise… I want to feel… Used, and like I have no say in what you do to me.” He took in a breath and rolled to his back, and Kiaran watched his legs move under the blanket- he was crossing them, needing something to steady himself against the growing arousal. “I trust you can surmise what other acts and feelings go with that.” He was breathing just as heavily as Kiaran by the time he finished, staring up at him with burning desire in his eyes.

“Yes, but only to a point.” Kiaran slid his thumb over Halsin’s lips, making the elf sigh and shiver. “Do you want to feel afraid, too? Humiliated?”

Halsin shivered again. “Not every time. But I would not be opposed to feeling either of those with you,” he whispered. The blanket tented over the growing bulge between Halsin’s legs. “What do you have in mind for…” He shifted a bit, letting his hand drift down, and then catching himself. “For that?”

“Mm. You’ll have to wait to find out, I think,” Kiaran whispered, kissing Halsin’s neck. “I shall enjoy surprising you.” He pulled the blanket down, and let one hand rest on Halsin’s pelvis, centimeters above his hard cock. He slid his other hand down to Halsin’s inner thigh, and then stroked one finger over his clothed folds, making Halsin whine softly. “One more question before we begin, love: Shall I assume I am allowed to touch you here?” He stroked the same spot again. “And am I allowed to use my mouth on you at last?”

Halsin groaned, lightly rocking his hips in a wordless plea. “Y-Yes,” he gasped. “Whatever you want, love.” His eyes closed. “I trust you more than enough for this. I want to give you my choices for a while. Please, use me as you wish.”

Kiaran groaned too, the words hitting something deep inside him. He grabbed Halsin’s hand, pressed it to Kiaran’s own erection, and kissed him, desperate and rough, until they were both whining with need. He pulled away, his molten eyes boring into Halsin’s, and tilted the elf’s chin up. “You’re sure this is what you want, sweetheart? You want to give yourself up to me entirely?”

“Yes. I am yours, love, all yours,” Halsin whispered, expression showing nothing but excitement and raw desire. “Please…”

Kiaran licked his lips, looking down at Halsin. Ideas bounced around in his mind so quickly that he could barely focus on one long enough to transform it into a plan. He wanted Halsin on his hands and knees, wanted him bent over his lap, wanted to bite and smack and lick him all over, wanted to tie him up and edge him for hours, wanted to make him cum again and again until he was seeing stars. The possibilities were almost dizzying.

“Undress for me, pet,” he finally decided, earning a shudder from the elf under him as he pulled back. He watched Halsin, waiting for a sign the name was unwelcome, but Halsin seemed to enjoy it coming from him.

“Yes sir,” Halsin mumbled, almost subconsciously, as he sat up to tug his shirt off.

Kiaran smiled. “Sir. I like that. Good boy.” He watched Halsin shudder in delight, and Kiaran leaned forward, kissed Halsin again, and slid his tongue between his lips, both sighing into each other’s mouths.

Halsin pulled back only long enough to slide his pants off, and then looked up at him with an open plea in his eyes. “Sir… please…”

“Mm.” Kiaran stared down at Halsin’s hard cock and wet cunt, trying to decide where to start. “Beg me more, first.”

Halsin looked like he was about to protest, but he caught himself and whispered, “Y-Yes sir. I… Please. I want this. I want you. Please…”

Kiaran hummed his approval, but didn’t move yet. “Come, now, I’m sure you can do better than this.” He stroked Halsin’s thigh, then pressed his hand against Halsin’s warm, slick cunt, letting him feel the pressure.

Halsin mewled, and Kiaran smiled. “I’m waiting, pet. I’ve got all night.” It wasn’t entirely true, he wanted to fuck him so intensely that it nearly hurt, but he had to be patient. This was about Halsin and his need to safely submit, not him.

“Still waiting, love,” he taunted, pressing his hand more firmly against the wet heat between Halsin’s legs.

Halsin openly moaned, clenching his legs shut to trap his hand there, and Kiaran tutted. “Nah-ah-ah. You know better, needy little thing. You will control your hunger until I decide to sate it, or I will tie you to this bed and leave you wanting until dinnertime.”

With a whine, Halsin unclenched enough to free Kiaran’s hand, and Kiaran smiled, kissing him. “Good. Now, as I was saying… Spread your legs wide for me, pet, and beg for me to take what’s mine.”

Halsin groaned. The pleas started to spill from him, and Kiaran leaned forward, coming to a decision. “I,” he breathed against Halsin’s lips, “I am going to fuck your pretty little cunt so hard, you’re going to feel it in your throat.” Halsin whimpered with desire, and Kiaran growled, diving down to kiss him deeper, harder, his cock pressing against Halsin’s. The friction was too much at first, but soon his rocking motions had the elf mewling again under him, the pleas growing louder and more intense.

Kiaran pulled back, staring down at him. They had both waited long enough for this, he decided. More than long enough. It was time for him to make submission a pleasant memory for Halsin at last.

Chapter Text

Halsin scarcely knew what to do with himself as Kiaran set to work. He couldn’t wildshape, not now, and yet he felt so overwhelmed that flecks of gold entered his eyes unbidden. He arched his back and moaned with every jolt of pleasure when Kiaran’s cock bumped against his own. When Kiaran pulled back, Halsin whined in disappointment- only for Kiaran to raise an eyebrow, give a taunting chuckle, and gently tug at Halsin’s foreskin. He pressed his cock against Halsin’s, and then slowly stretched Halsin’s foreskin out to cover Kiaran’s erection as well.

With a near-sob, Halsin tossed his head back, reaching out to squeeze Kiaran’s hips out of desperation for something to ground himself with. “Oh, l- Sir, please, ohh,” he cried out, shaking with pleasure. “It feels, ohh… oh, please!” The sensations were overwhelming; the stretch of his foreskin alone was such a divine, unfamiliar feeling that he already felt precum dripping from the head of his cock.

“Yes, that is rather the point.” Kiaran chuckled and reached down, taking both their cocks in his hand, and began to stroke them together, letting out a deep groan of his own. He let his eyes drift closed in sheer bliss before opening them. “Gods, your cock is fucking incredible. So fucking big and perfect.”

Halsin let out another needy moan, staring up at Kiaran. “Please, Sir…”

Kiaran leaned forward, his lips meeting Halsin’s before shoving his tongue deep inside Halsin’s mouth. Overwhelmed, Halsin groaned into it, and his nails dug into Kiaran’s back, earning a moan from Kiaran as well. He tried to pull away to beg more, but Kiaran growled and cupped Halsin’s cheeks instead, keeping him there, forcing the kiss to continue until he decided it was over. Finally, Kiaran pulled away, and a stream of pleading sounds escaped Halsin as he rocked his hips. “Nngh, please…”

He cried out when Kiaran answered his motions by giving them both a firmer stroke, pressing the heads of their cocks together. “Sir, please, this is too- it is too much! I am going to s-spend myself…” he moaned, squirming, trying to do anything he could to hold back. He grit his teeth with the effort not to release.

“No. You aren’t going to cum until I say you can,” Kiaran growled into his ear, leaning forward. “And if you do, you will be punished. Understand, pet?”

Halsin shuddered hard, the threat only adding to the excitement he felt. Gods, he ached for it, wanted to feel what Kiaran would- no, he couldn’t think about it. He was trying to hold his completion back. “Yes, Sir, I understand, but I still- oooh-” He squirmed under him at another wave of pleasure, electric and hot between his legs. “Sir, I do not think… I cannot hold b-back for much longer! Please, I’m too close!”

“Too bad.” Kiaran pushed his hips forward, just a little, making the heads of their cocks brush together again. Halsin cried out at the sensations. The stretch was still heavenly, and the raw sensitivity of the head of his cock nearly brought tears to his eyes. The pure need showed on his face as he arched his back.

“Please, lov- Sir, ohhh, Oa-Oakfather preserve me, please-” His mouth fell open, a louder moan escaping him. He wouldn’t last another minute like this; he hoped Kiaran’s punishment, whatever it was, wouldn’t be too rough if he failed and fell apart right here.

Fuck, if he was really not going to be able to hold himself back, and if he was going to cum no matter how hard he tried not to, he may as well stop trying. He may as well surrender now and thoroughly enjoy his orgasm before Kiaran’s punishment, instead of trying to deny himself. He closed his eyes, focusing on the hot pressure in his loins, and his groans turned deeper and louder as he hit the edge. “Ahh, oooh, Sir, so- it feels so good, you are truly incredible…” He moaned, legs starting to shake with his impending climax. “Oh…”

Kiaran didn’t say anything, not even another warning not to release. Halsin had just enough time to register how strange that was, before, with a growl, Kiaran withdrew, and the blissful sensation ended. Gone was the delightful combination of stretching and friction. The loss of stimulation was almost painful when he was this close.

“No!” Halsin cried before he could stop himself, eyes flying open as he desperately reached out for Kiaran to tug him back. “Sir, please! Don’t stop, why are you stopping?!” It had felt so overwhelmingly good, and he was so, so close. Why was Kiaran stopping when he was this close?

“I told you not to cum,” Kiaran said shortly, stroking the underside of Halsin’s cock with one finger in a blatant taunt. Halsin cried out, and his hips bucked involuntarily. “If you won’t fight your release back like a good boy, then I will have to remove the temptation to disobey me, won’t I?”

“Sir,” Halsin begged, rocking his hips, trying to tempt him into touching him again. “Please! I won’t spend, I promise.” Sweat was breaking out over his flushed skin, the desperation clear in his eyes. “Just please, please-”

“Do not lie to me.” Kiaran’s eyes were stern as he tilted Halsin’s chin up. “I saw you, ready to give yourself over just because I wasn’t doing all the work of holding back for you anymore. If you want to be allowed such pleasures, I expect far better from you, because right now? I am not at all impressed, pet. I was under the impression you knew something of how you are to behave, but I suppose I will have to start from scratch with your training.” He let Halsin’s face go and folded his arms around his chest, glaring down at him.

Halsin held his breath, looking up at Kiaran. He knew this was only a game, and yet the idea of Kiaran truly being disappointed in him cut at something deep inside him, and it felt like a throbbing pain in his chest. Even though he knew it wasn’t real, it felt like it.

The hurt must have shown on his face, because Kiaran’s eyes softened at once, and he leaned forward to kiss Halsin’s forehead. “Are you alright, love?” he whispered, squeezing Halsin’s hand. “Have I gone too far? What happened?”

That was all the reassurance he needed; seeing the love return to Kiaran’s face was the reminder he needed that this wasn’t real. With an exhale, Halsin shook his head and pressed his lips tenderly to Kiaran’s. “I am fine, love, truly. I just…” He gave a small, shy smile. “I suppose I am just not used to this yet, and I was unused to seeing you displeased with me. I will adjust as we do this more, I promise. There is no need to worry.”

“Alright, sweetheart. I love you,” Kiaran whispered, gently bumping their foreheads together. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of contentment. “I promise, this is just a game, and if you change your mind, we can stop. Just say the word.”

“I love you too,” Halsin murmured, stroking Kiaran’s cheek. “Very much, my heart. And do not worry about me. I am fine now. I am ready to resume whenever you are.”

“I am. Just… one more thing first.” Kiaran kissed him again. “It’s… you’ll be alright if I call you a pet, and similar things? It won’t be too similar to… that? I wouldn’t want to frighten you or worse.”

Halsin nodded, kissing back. “Yes, love. I think that will be fine, and if not… I remember what to do to stop it.” He gave a reassuring smile up at his partner. “I shall be fine. I promise, my heart.”

“Good. I expect there to be some difficulties as we adjust, but I cannot bear the thought of truly harming you,” Kiaran said softly against Halsin’s lips. “But… that is just it. This will simply require getting used to, for both of us. I shall proceed, then.”

“Of course.” Halsin smiled at him again, sighing in contentment and letting the warm feeling of being loved, of being cherished, wash over him. Kiaran gave him one more soft kiss before pulling away, his face turning cold and displeased again.

But Halsin was ready for it this time, and the brief interlude had allowed him to regain his bearings as the arousal receded ever so slightly. He swallowed, looking up at Kiaran. “Sir, please. I am sorry,” he said quietly. “You are right when you say that I am much less trained than you supposed. I’ve little experience in being a pet. Please, continue to train me. I- I want to be good. I want to be a good pet for you.” He lowered his head, taking in a deep breath.

“I can see your eagerness, little pet, but if you want to receive all that I have to offer, you are going to have to show me something much more interesting about you than pretty words.” Kiaran folded his arms in front of his chest again. “What do you have to offer me, wild little minx?”

Halsin looked at him for a while, chewing on his lip. “Mm, I… I can give pleasure very well, especially with my mouth,” he suggested, and he fought not to smirk when he saw Kiaran’s cock twitch in interest. “I am told I am very, very talented with it.”

“Any back-alley prostitute worth a handful of gold could use their mouth on me. That is hardly a unique service,” Kiaran said dismissively, waving a hand.

Halsin huffed. “Then why do you have me, and not one of them, Sir? If they’re so much better?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“That,” Kiaran growled, tilting Halsin’s chin up, “is what you are supposed to be telling me, brat. How are you any better, hmm? Why should I keep you now that you’re here?”

Halsin blinked, not offended, but taken off guard at the insult- it was one that had never been used for him, even as a child. He shook his head, cleared his throat. “Uh… I, well…” He tried, stunned.

“Can’t figure out an answer?” It was strange to hear the deliberately cruel laughter directed at Halsin. Much like the insult, it didn’t bother him, but it was surprising to hear it from Kiaran’s mouth, and the combination of the two had him off-balance. “My. Usually a pet would be throwing out anything to see if it sticks, just wanting to prove their worth to me. Yet you are stumped trying to think of something besides using your mouth?”

Cheeks blushing almost painfully, Halsin protested, “I- I was simply caught off-guard, Sir! I can… I can submit much better than this, will submit much better from now on. And I… Let’s see… I can take pain very well, too!” He added the last bit nervously.

“Pain, hmm? Is that so?” Kiaran’s eyes twinkled with interest, the corner of his mouth quirking as he fought not to smile. “It is only a very sorry pet that would be unable to give anything else but pain.”

Halsin bowed his head, the blush somehow deepening further still. The only times his face had been more flushed were when he had been ill with a fever, or very, very drunk. “Then… then I beg you to accept this for tonight, to prove to you what I can be, and then to make me less of a sorry pet so that I can give you more in time, Sir,” he whispered. “I want to be a good pet for you, but I need instruction. I… I only know how to be wild.” He looked up so Kiaran would know speaking the words hadn’t upset him, despite their similarity to things his captors had spoken once. That he felt safe enough with Kiaran to be able to speak them. “Please, make me yours, Sir.” His voice was quiet and pleading.

Kiaran tried, Halsin could see it, but nothing could stop his face from softening at Halsin’s tone. “Oh, you are a sweet little thing, aren’t you,” he murmured, tilting Halsin’s chin up and looking thoughtfully at his face. “So eager to please, even if you’ve no idea how.” He traced a finger over the pattern of Halsin’s tattoo as though it was new to him, humming in thought. “I suppose you’ll do well enough, once you’re broken in. Besides, I always did like a nice challenge, and taming a bear is no easy feat, even for a Beast Master.”

Kiaran was a Gloom Stalker, not a Beast Master, but Halsin supposed it was just another part of the game. And it worked well, if their game was to make him into a pet. Something about that was endearing in a way Halsin couldn’t understand. Unable to stop himself, he leaned over, bumping his face against Kiaran’s hand to force what contact he could.

“Hmm.” Kiaran chuckled, but indulged him, softly petting and stroking his hair with his other hand. “Are you a bear at all, then, or am I to assume you’ve transformed into a kitten for me?”

For just a moment, he was tempted to wildshape into a fluffy cat, just to make Kiaran laugh, but… No, that wouldn’t work at all. Instead he gave a shy smile, nuzzling Kiaran’s hand again. “Meow?” he said instead, unable to fully resist the surge of playfulness Kiaran’s words had brought out in him.

“Being cute does not count as a special ability, brat,” Kiaran murmured, trying very hard to be stern, but the affection crept back into his voice.

Halsin closed his eyes, letting all the warmth sink into him like a hot tea on a cold day. “Doesn’t it? There are no pets in nature, but I’m told that people who keep them generally consider cuteness a desirable quality,” he replied, the mischievous grin returning. He smiled up at Kiaran, eyes crinkling. He couldn’t help it- never had a partner called him cute before. Handsome, strong, sexy, and many other things, but cute was a true first. Cute! He liked the thought of being cute for once. The idea made his heart swell with warm, soft feelings, and he craved more of it, wanted to be called those unfamiliar endearments more.

“Hmph,” Kiaran huffed. “Fine. I shall cede the point. You can offer me your pain, your mouth, and you can be a very, very cute pet. That’s something to start with, at least. You’ve convinced me; I’ll keep you.” His voice turned harsh again. “Do not expect me to indulge your silliness like this again.”

Halsin bit back a laugh and tried his best to force his face to turn serious again. “Yes, Sir. Thank you for keeping me. I very much want, I… I can tell you’ll be a very good owner, and I would rather be tamed be you than anyone else.”

“Hmm.” Kiaran stroked Halsin’s hair for a moment, clearly thinking. “Let’s see how honest you were being. Roll over for me, pet, on your stomach.”

Halsin complied at once, shivering a bit at the vulnerability of the position- not to mention the way his sensitive cock rubbed against the bedsheets. He moaned softly and buried his head in his arms- he hadn’t been forbidden from doing so, after all, and it felt comfortable at the moment. “Sir, please…”

“Please what, pet?” Kiaran asked, settling against his parted legs. He nudged at his thighs. “Open wider.”

Halsin complied- and was rewarded by the blissful sensation of two fingers filling his wet, neglected cunt. He groaned louder, pushing back. “Ohhh, Sir…”

“Mm. I knew you were wet for me, but you’re fucking dripping.” Kiaran chuckled in amusement, but he didn’t move his fingers, and once Halsin adjusted to the stretch, he craved more.

But just as he opened his mouth to ask for more, the plea turned into a cry of delight and pain as Kiaran’s other hand slapped his ass. He barely had time to recover from it before the hand came down again, earning an identical cry. He clenched down hard on the fingers inside him, pushing his ass back in a silent plea to be hit again.

“Hmm. Well, you were right that you take pain well, but then, if pain and pleasure are one and the same for you, I don’t know if I ought to reward you by giving it,” Kiaran laughed, slapping Halsin’s ass again as he withdrew the fingers from inside him. The groans grew louder with the next three blows that followed, until Halsin was panting hard.

“S-Sir, please, I-” he tried, but forming a coherent thought was nearly impossible at this point. “F-Feels so good, Sir… oooh…” A deep groan escaped him, muffled by his arms. He mewled when another slap landed. “T-The, it,” he tried to say, thoughts cloudy with the arousal. “The sting, it feels so good. You’re so good at this, Sir…”

“Good boy.” Kiaran growled. “Stay where you are.”

“Yes, Sir…” Halsin frowned a little when he felt the bed shift as Kiaran stood, and, from the sound of the footsteps that came after, left the room entirely. He tried not to get too antsy, but he was squirming by the time Kiaran returned. He smiled a little as he heard Kiaran approach the bed again. “What were- AH!” He yelled as suddenly, something much, much harder made contact with the sensitive skin on his backside. A hairbrush? He wondered, unable to look back to confirm it. It had to be, as it was the exact right size, shape, and weight. 

“You looked like you needed something a little stronger, pet, and you were making such lovely noises,” Kiaran explained, tapping the other cheek with the brush before bringing it down again.

Halsin moaned openly, squeezing a pillow with his hands. His cries grew louder with every subsequent blow, each landing harder than the last. One particularly rough smack brought tears to his eyes. “Ah! S-Sir! Sir!” He all but sobbed into the pillow.

“You said you take pain well, my cute little kitten,” Kiaran murmured, once again earning a little gasp of shock from Halsin. “This is nothing compared to what I’ll expect from you once your training is complete.”

Cute, kitten, submissive, brat- so many things he could only ever be with Kiaran. No one else alive would see any of those things in him, let alone all of them. He whined, the sound only getting more desperate when Kiaran’s fingers stroked over the sensitive, reddened skin.

“Gods, you’re fucking beautiful, pet. Especially like this,” Kiaran murmured, fingertips ghosting over the stinging spots on his ass and making Halsin shiver. “I could do this all day. Spank you ’til you bleed, have you heal yourself, and start all over again.”

Another shiver. Halsin whimpered in desire, burying his face deeper. With a few deep breaths, he managed to regain his ability to speak. “If- if you want that of me, Sir, then that is what we should do,” he managed to say, squirming now under the touch. “I think… I think Cure Wounds would be sufficient, unless you were to use a different implement?”

Kiaran let out a breathy moan, hands still gliding over the skin. “Mm, a most tempting offer… But no. It will have to wait for another time, pet.” He leaned over, kissing the back of Halsin’s neck and making him shiver. “I’m going to have so much fun with you, little kitten. I’m going to learn how to make you writhe and scream yourself hoarse… once your training finishes, and you’ve shown me what you are capable of.”

Halsin nodded frantically, shivering with need. “Yes, Sir… I’ll take all of it for you.”

“I know, kitten.” Kiaran kissed the back of his neck again.

Gods. The endearment made him shiver again. He couldn’t believe that he was being called such a thing, and what was more, that he loved being called it this much. Maybe it was precisely because it was something so different from himself. He was a bear, a protector and defender, a fighter… and a kitten was none of those things. Kittens got protected, instead of defending others. No one expected anything of them. It felt strangely liberating, like he was shedding a part of himself for a while- the idea of which had been a large cause of his craving for submission to begin with.

Yet something about it still felt… wrong. He wasn’t supposed to just… just stop being the strong bear who protected others entirely, was he? There was a difference between submitting and transforming into something else, and… surely Kiaran would get angry… Maybe he needed to figure out what Kiaran wanted of him before they got deeper into this.

“Sir?” He called tentatively, swallowing. “I like when you call me that… more than I should, perhaps, but…” His eyes closed with the confession, a blush coming over his cheeks.

Kiaran’s voice softened again, hearing the clear edge of distress in Halsin’s voice. “Roll over, pet, and look at me,” he instructed, pushing gently at Halsin’s shoulders.

Halsin complied, hissing in pain as his sore backside rubbed against the sheets, and he stared up at Kiaran. “Sir?” He mumbled, reaching out to take Kiaran’s hand. He squeezed it hard.

“I want you to listen to me, pet, because I am going to say this only once,” Kiaran murmured, tilting his chin upwards with his free hand. “You are my pet now. You are supposed to be getting pleasure from this, from what I give you. Whether that’s pain, or a name, or something else entirely. That is why I am training you. There is no such thing as enjoying any of this ‘too much.’” His thumb stroked over Halsin’s lips, making him shiver.

Halsin gently kissed the thumb, looking up at Kiaran, as he tried to articulate his point. “I know I’m supposed to enjoy this, that that’s what you want me to do,” he said, a bit hesitant again. “And I do. Enjoy it, I mean. But…” His eyes closed. “A kitten is a very different animal from a bear.”

“Both are lovely animals,” Kiaran said, stroking Halsin’s hair. “And as a Beast Master, I’ve had plenty of experience with both. But it matters not. What does matter is that I’ve decided to tame you, and if I say you are my sweet little kitten, that is what you shall be. And you are doing a fine job of it so far. I don’t particularly care about what other people think about the roles I assign my pets. You are mine, not theirs.” Kiaran paused to let the words sink in, then took in breath, wordlessly indicating the matter was settled unless Halsin needed to stop entirely. “Now lie back. Your cunt’s been dripping all over my bed and it’s about time I get a taste, little kitten.”

Halsin groaned, but complied instantly, his core pulsing with desire at the filthy words. Kiaran was right, he knew; this was about them, and not anyone else. And ultimately, they were just words- what did it matter if he liked one term of endearment over another? There were much stranger, much worse things to get enjoyment out of than being called ‘kitten.’

But then, if Halsin had ever possessed the ability to not hold himself to impossible standards, then a lot of things that happened recently would not have. It was a large part of why they were doing this to begin with.

But, Halsin reminded himself, Kiaran was in charge at the moment, and he’d made it clear this was what he wanted. And there was something nice about just… letting himself float unanchored for a while, letting Kiaran make all the decision. Kiaran wanted to call him kitten, so that was what Halsin would be, and Kiaran wanted him to enjoy it. Wanted him to enjoy everything they were doing. And Halsin was, even more than he’d imagined before this.

A sharp sensation on his thighs brought him back to himself. Teeth. He mewled, arching his back. Fuck, few things could make him fall apart so thoroughly as being bitten and scratched. “Sir, please,” he moaned. “Ple- ohhh…” His eyes drifted closed, harsh pants escaping him as the pressure let up, only to be repeated on the other thigh. He groaned louder and louder until Kiaran let him go, and instead, a wet tongue licked over Halsin’s folds. He grabbed Kiaran’s shoulders to steady himself and wrapped his legs around Kiaran’s back, holding him there. “Unnhh…” He was aching for release after spending so long being teased, being kept right at the edge. “Sir… Please, may I s-spend?”

“Not yet, my cute little pet.” Kiaran slipped his tongue inside, then out again. “Not until I’m inside you.” He licked a trail upwards, and then pressed his tongue to Halsin’s clit.

Halsin cried out, legs shaking with the pleasure. “Sir! I, I’m, ohhh, please…” His pleas grew both louder and less coherent with every lick. He felt the pressure again, and though he was fighting it harder this time, it was also a much more intense sensation. “A-Ah, ohhh…”

Kiaran growled. He pulled back, and Halsin barely had time to vocalize his disappointment before, finally, came the burning stretch he’d been craving ever since Kiaran had asked his permission to touch this part of him earlier.

Halsin clenched down hard, tears of need streaming down his face. “Please!” He wailed, feeling… helpless, in a way that was foreign to him, and yet not at all unwelcome. To be taken apart so thoroughly, to be reduced to a sobbing and begging mess- it was so different than how he usually lost control of himself, letting the bear take over, and yet he felt almost as free as he did when entering bear form. “Please, please, please!”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Kiaran chuckled, and then-

Fuck. That warm, calloused hand wrapped around his cock, stroked up and down as Kiaran started to thrust. And the instant he did, Kiaran flicked his wrist with his hand at the head of his cock.

Stars filled Halsin’s vision, and he wasn’t in control of the noises that left him at that point, but they were certainly loud, he knew that much. His toes curled, fluid bursting not only from his cock, but from his cunt as well. A first- while he could come from both parts individually before, he almost exclusively had come from his cock before this, and it was a first for a vaginal orgasm to make him squirt like that.

It was also a first for him to cum from both places at once. He sobbed with the pleasure of it, and it felt like he would faint before it ended, his muscles shaking and the all-encompassing pleasure lighting his nerves for far longer than he was used to.

Kiaran was pounding into him hard and fast, and with such intense stimulation, it took less than a minute for a second orgasm to follow the first, making him scream still louder, his muscles squeezing Kiaran’s cock. His nails dug little crescent moons into Kiaran’s back as he writhed under him.

He was far too lost in his second climax to register Kiaran’s own release following it, but he soon felt the other collapse on top of him. Blinking, Halsin stared up at his partner, too overwhelmed to speak for several minutes.

“Oakfather preserve us,” he finally managed, still panting hard. He wrapped his arms around Kiaran and began to massage his back. “How in the hells did you achieve that?” He winced, his throat aching. He must have been yelling much louder than he realized.

“Gods. I don’t know, but I can only hope I have it in me to do it again,” Kiaran answered with a groan, slumping forward. “… Not now. Not for at least a few hours.” He cupped Halsin’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply. “Fuck, I wish I could capture the image of your face when you came and save it forever. I- I can’t believe you enjoyed it all so much.”

“That, I did.” Halsin was still breathing hard. “It surprised me as well. I felt…” His eyes drifted closed as he caught his breath. “Free. Happy.”

“And I didn’t go too far?” Kiaran worried. “I feared that perhaps-”

“No.” Halsin shook his head immediately, and gently pressed their foreheads together. “I loved all of it, even when I needed your reassurance. We are both adjusting, that is all, and I am unused to… to being allowed to… to be something besides the image of myself I always had to be. That is all. You were incredible, my heart. I mean it.”

Kiaran chuckled, kissing Halsin again. “You were too, love. I can’t wait to do this again.” A pause. “And you’re sure you’re alright with… the names I used for you? Kitten, pet?”

“Yes.” Halsin smiled a little, wry. “That was why I struggled so. I…” He searched for the words, the sex-induced fog in his brain making it difficult. “The idea that I could be anything- even, or especially, things I’ve never been allowed to be before. I can be soft, small, cute… and I am unused to it. Unused to being allowed to discard that image of myself for any length of time.”

“When you are with me, you can be anything you want to,” Kiaran whispered, kissing Halsin’s forehead. “And we don’t even have to be playing this kind of game for it to happen. You know that, right? I think you’re cute all the time, not just when we’re pretending you’re my pet.”

“I do know that- well. I didn’t know you found me cute, actually- but.” Halsin trailed off with a chuckle, and then winced. He’d need some water after this. “In any case, I would like it to remain part of the experience for now.”

“I understand, love.” Kiaran held Halsin’s hand to his face, and kissed it softly. “Then I shall spend the next while thinking of more new things I can let you be when we play.”

“Mm.” Halsin hummed his approval, and then yawned. “I shall be excited to see them, but right now, love, not even those sound as good as some water.”

“I will get us some water and something to eat. Hold on. Don’t get up, please. I… was a little rougher with you than I intended.” Kiaran gave a rueful smile.

“Do not worry. There was not a second of it I would change, and in any case, as you have experienced, I am very adept at healing injuries caused by rough sex. Come back, and I shall have us back to normal in no time.” Halsin smiled warmly, leaning back against the pillow.

Kiaran laughed at the memory. “Gods, I thought those Drow were going to faint when they saw how big your bear form was. What was it they said? ‘How does it even fit’? And then I said it didn’t, but you were a fine healer-”

“And we demonstrated just for them. I remember. Vividly.” Halsin chuckled, sliding an arm under his head.

“A night they shall never forget.” Kiaran chuckled and kissed Halsin’s forehead. “Hold on, then, and I’ll return with the food and water.”

Halsin hummed, leaning back and enjoying, for the moment, the soreness between his legs and on his reddened ass. So much so, that he started wondering if he even wanted to use the healing magic. Kiaran would insist on it, surely… Hmm. Perhaps there as a compromise to be found.

But first, before any conversation could be had, he really needed that glass of water.

Chapter Text

Halsin leaned back, enjoying the sensations floating lazily through his body. It was a combination of strangely pleasant hurts: the near-ache in his muscles that felt like he’d exercised but not too strenuously, the stinging on his backside, the near-burning warmth from between his legs. It felt odd to enjoy these pains, but it was like his nerves were singing in joy from them.

He beamed as Kiaran returned with the promised food and water. Before Kiaran could say even a single word, Halsin grabbed a glass and downed it- only to be met with Kiaran’s bemused expression as he gave Halsin a second glass. “You weren’t lying. Drink this too, love, I’ll get us some more,” he instructed, sitting a plate filled bread, cheese, and fruit down next to Halsin. He walked off, and then returned with three more glasses of water.

“I am sorry,” Halsin said, a little breathless after he chugged the second consecutive glass. “Come. Sit with me.” He patted the spot next to him, and once Kiaran sat down, Halsin leaned against him, his head leaning on Kiaran’s shoulder. “How are you feeling, love?”

“Me?” Kiaran dropped a kiss on the top of Halsin’s head and hummed. “Good. Just… very, very good. Happy.” He stroked Halsin’s back, making him sigh softly. “And you?”

“The same.” Halsin yawned, stretching against Kiaran. “It was even better than I thought it would be.”

“Still, though… let’s do that healing spell now before the adrenaline wears off, hmm?” Kiaran suggested, pressing a kiss to Halsin’s temple. “I might have been a bit rough with you, for it being our first time playing this game…”

“Worry not.” Halsin squeezed Kiaran’s hand. “You were perfect. And… I know it sounds strange, love, but I am enjoying… how this feels. I would like to wait to use the healing spells.”

“I see.” Kiaran frowned, looking concerned, but he didn’t argue. “If you’re sure. You seemed to struggle with some of the pet names, so I worried…”

“I was, I… as I said, it was liking them too much that worried me. Even if you say there is no such thing as too much,” Halsin murmured. “That is all.”

“Hmm.” Kiaran thought for a while. “And you were fine with me using my mouth on you? You… you never let me do that, before.”

Halsin’s face flushed slightly, but again, he nodded. “I think it was easier for me to accept it when it was part of an act of dominance?” He said after a long pause, not intending it to come out sounding like a question, but it did, regardless.

“And why is it easier to accept that as part of submission, love?” Kiaran asked softly as he passed the plate of food to Halsin, a silent request for him to eat.

Halsin sighed, nibbling idly on a chunk of cheese. “It… is hard to explain, love. It simply feels less like I am asking too much, like I am taking too much, when we do it that way.”

Kiaran frowned a little, opening his mouth, and then closing it. He kissed Halsin instead, slow and sweet. “Thank you for telling me,” he said softly. “If that’s what it takes for you to feel comfortable, then we can do that. I always wondered why I was never allowed to return the favor when you spent so long on your knees for me.”

Halsin chuckled wryly. “That was part of it. I suppose another aspect was simply that I am not used to having a partner being so considerate, so accepting, of my… differences.” He sighed. “That isn’t to say I have often been rejected by previous partners. Rather, I found that if I ignored that part of me, they rarely had a chance to do so, because simply looking at that part of me wasn’t as likely to trigger disgust as touching it. Or something worse than disgust, perhaps- the predatory gaze of a beast spotting new prey.”

“Like the Drow house that had you?” Kiaran whispered.

“Yes,” Halsin said, nodding and closing his eyes for a moment. “It was part of what made me a novelty. With you, my love, I can be anything in bed- because you want to see what makes me happy. With them… they made me into whatever they wanted, and I had no choice but to obey. If that meant letting them have me, in my elf form or as their pet bear, if it meant having or being had by another of their slaves, or if it meant something else happened, it mattered not. All that mattered was that they claimed every inch of me. Including that. It all added to my uniqueness. It was why they saw me as a better sex toy than a sacrifice-turned-decoration.”

“I’m so sorry,” Kiaran whispered, because truly, what else could be said to that? He had learned his lesson after his last furious outburst on Halsin’s behalf. “I know- or at least, I hope- that you know this already, my love, but… I need to say it anyway. I love that part of you, all parts of you, because they’re yours. I will never use them to hurt you. Ever.”

“I know, my heart. Trust me,” Halsin murmured, leaning against Kiaran. “It…” He held Kiaran’s hand, rested it against his cheek and closed his eyes for a while. “I never feel anything less than safe and cared for when I am with you. As with my enjoyment of what you give me, it is almost too much so at times. I feel, sometimes, as though… If I am being cared for, that I am doing something wrong. That I am taking too much and being selfish.”

Kiaran nodded, thinking it all over. It applied to Halsin both emotionally and physically, he’d found- he struggled with the idea that he was allowed to receive care too, that he didn’t have to make his desires subservient to others. No wonder, then, that it was easier for him to accept it when they played, when the game let them pretend that he had no choice in the matter. It was easier to pretend he wasn’t actually asking for such a thing that way.

He wished it wasn’t so, that Halsin felt able to receive just as much as he always gave, but if this was the only way he could get Halsin to accept care… then so be it. Kiaran leaned over, kissing Halsin’s forehead. “I love you,” he murmured. “And I promise you aren’t selfish.”

“I love you too.” Halsin ate a few slices of an apple, tart and juicy. “Perhaps… with time, I shall be able to feel differently. Perhaps you can show me.”

“I shall do my best.” Kiaran kissed Halsin’s forehead again. “If just calling you cute once got that reaction from you, I look forward to seeing what else we can accomplish together.”

Halsin laughed, and quiet fell over the pair as they ate and drank.

A day later, the pair decided they’d rested enough to play again, and it took very little time after that decision for Halsin to be ordered onto his hands and knees. He shuddered at the raw vulnerability of the position, and the shudder only intensified as he felt slicked, cool fingers on his ass.

“Deep breath, pet. Unclench,” Kiaran ordered. He seemed to be getting better at staying with the role he was playing, keeping his voice stern this time. “I won’t have my pet getting hurt just because you’re afraid of finally having your tight arse fucked.” He used one hand to smack Halsin’s thigh, making Halsin groan. “Arch your back more, little kitten. Spread your legs wider… wider. There we are.” He patted Halsin’s ass, then slapped it hard, earning a cry.

“Sir,” Halsin ground out. He gasped when a lubed finger slid into his hole, the noises only growing louder when it eased deeper.

“That’s it, little kitten. Mewl for me,” Kiaran hissed, roughly sliding a second finger in and making Halsin cry out. He pushed the two fingers in deeper still, and began searching, angling towards Halsin’s stomach until a louder cry and intense shudder let him know he’d found what he was looking for. “Such a sensitive kitten,” he said, stroking over Halsin’s prostate again and again.

“Ohhh,” Halsin groaned, pressing his face into the pillows. He clenched experimentally on Kiaran’s fingers, and then moaned again, eyes drifting shut. “S-Sir, please. So- nngh- not so- not so direct, I might-!” 

“Might what, kitten?” Kiaran asked in a low growl. “Might come without permission? Spill all over your favorite blanket? You won’t, if you don’t want to be punished. For that matter, you won’t speak back to me like that again either if you want to avoid punishment.”

Halsin shivered at his tone of voice. “I-I apologize, Sir, and I won’t spend until you let me, but-“ The fingers rubbed over the sensitive spot again, and he whimpered at the sensations coursing through him, electric and hot between his legs. “Oakfather, please, it’s so much, I-”

“He isn’t here, little kitten. You’ve just got me,” Kiaran breathed, rubbing his fingers over the spot again. “You belong to me now. And I,” he leaned forward, nibbled on the lobe of Halsin’s ear, “will not rest until every part of you knows that you’re my pet now. My cute little kitten.” He rubbed rough, firm circles over Halsin’s prostate, not even bothering to pull his fingers back this time.

“Oooh,” Halsin moaned, shaking from the little lightning bolts that seemed to shoot up his spine with every touch. He rocked his hips restlessly, both seeking more stimulation and less of it. “Sir, please.”

“Poor kitten,” Kiaran cooed, chuckling in his ear. “You really can’t handle being fingered like this? Well, you’ve hardly earned mercy this early, but lucky for you, you’ve caught me in a very, very good mood today, sweet little thing.”

Halsin shivered happily, both from the words and the feelings inside him. The first time, calling him those endearments had just happened, but now it was deliberate, like he was being reminded of just what Kiaran saw him as. A reminder that he could be a cute little kitten with Kiaran, and a strong, protective bear the rest of the time. He sighed, feeling a warmth spread through him that wasn’t the result of the touches or his arousal. Something about the filthy declarations of ownership and the strict orders countered by the sickeningly sweet endearments had him melting inside.

“Cute little thing,” Kiaran laughed, brushing against Halsin’s prostate again- and at the same time, pulling down on Halsin’s balls so he couldn’t come. “There. Now you can enjoy it all you want, kitten. I’ll expect to be properly thanked later.”

Halsin shivered. “Yes, S- OH!” He cried out as the fingers stroked his sweet spot firmer, rougher, and faster than before. He panted and moaned, letting himself fall forward to lean on his arms, instead of supporting himself on all fours.

Kiaran chuckled, letting him go. “Mm. I shall have to remember to get a pillow under your stomach in a few minutes, kitten,” he noted, rubbing little circles on Halsin’s prostate.

Halsin’s legs shook, and he felt sure he would have fallen over if he wasn’t on the bed already.  “Please…” It was hard to form words beyond that. He was desperate, shaking, unbearably close to orgasm, and yet also nearing overstimulation. He dug his nails into their bedsheets, and then nearly sobbed when Kiaran, with the hand holding onto his balls, started to tease them instead, massaging and rolling them. Halsin screamed in delight, his hips jerking forward. “SIR! Sir, yes, ah-!”

“Good boy. You can take more for me, can’t you?” Kiaran breathed. “I know you can, kitten. Hold back for me. My good boy.”

This time, it wasn’t being called a kitten that made Halsin sigh. It was being called a good boy. The praise sunk in just as deep as the endearments, and even more so because it was those two particular words. He redoubled his efforts to hold back his orgasm, panting with the effort. “Sir…”

“Mm.” Kiaran leaned forward, kissing Halsin’s back. “Such a sweet kitten. You want to be claimed so badly, don’t you? Want to belong to me?”

“Y-Yes.” Halsin swallowed hard, rocking his hips forward. “I-I do, Sir, so very much.” So much that the desire confused him as it bubbled up inside him.

But with that desire, many parts of him began warring against each other, confused and scared at the admission. The bear that was at the core of his being roared and tossed its head in anger. It belonged to no one but nature, and spat in disgust at the thought of being owned, even as a game. The frightened young Druid, the guest-prisoner-consort, craved it like the scent of fresh earth during the long frozen winter, but feared it at the same time. Submission was a shackle that tethered him to his captors, yet it was a shackle whose weight he missed. And the tired, stressed Archdruid, lonely and lost in fog, screamed and begged for relief, for freedom, to be allowed to feel- to be allowed to be weak and just exist for a while, to not have to worry about being in control of himself and others and a million responsibilities he never asked for any longer.

The bear was the most adept at taking control in moments like this. When parts of Halsin fought for control, the bear always took the lead effortlessly, shooing back the scared youth and the tired, endlessly self-sacrificing Archdruid until one of them- almost always the latter- was ready to return. And sure enough, he felt the bear tense and ready itself in his mind, standing on its hind legs and letting out a fierce roar.

Halsin’s eyes turned golden. He grit his teeth hard, squeezing his pillow to fight the impending shift.

“Love? What’s wrong?” Kiaran asked in alarm, withdrawing his hand at once. Instead he set one hand on Halsin’s back, massaging it. He knew Halsin’s shifts, and could tell that this one wasn’t caused by desire he couldn’t control. He knew when the bear surfaced to play, and when it had a mission to protect Halsin.

Halsin inhaled sharply. How could he ever explain it?

If he was to have any hope of doing so, he had to make the bear back off. He closed his eyes, focused every ounce of his willpower into pushing the bear back with some other part of himself, one of two new parts of him to have emerged. He didn’t have something to call this aspect. It was frightened- of himself, of his desires, of others. It was like the guest-prisoner-consort, but wiser than he had been. It was weary and always worried of being selfish, like the worn Archdruid, but happier than he had ever been, and most importantly of all, it was loved, never to be alone alone alone again like he had been during the fog left by the Shadow Curse. And it was raw and animalistic like the bear, but tame, and not in the way his captors had wanted him to be; this tameness was all his own, his and Kiaran’s, and no one else’s.

Whatever this part of himself was, it was excited but nervous, full of desire but full of guilt too, desperate to please yet terrified to be pleased, and it begged for more from Kiaran. More submission, more sweet words, more force, more roughness, more more more-

And again, he forced out a breath and finally forced the shift down entirely. The gold vanished from his eyes. He didn’t need protecting, he needed Kiaran. His kind, loving partner partner, who had given so much to make him happy already, yet would give anything he asked for in a heartbeat.

Halsin inhaled and closed his eyes before he rolled over to his back, gazing up at Kiaran. He had fought down the bear. Now he just had to fight to get the words out- and somehow that was proving far harder.

“My love? Do you need to stop?” Kiaran whispered, cupping Halsin’s cheek. “What is wrong, my sweet honey bear?”

Halsin inhaled, and then exhaled. “I want to be yours,” he finally said, sounding horribly lost, and nearly distressed by it. “I don’t mean… I don’t just mean yours as a partner. I want to be yours for this game, too. But once again, my heart, I’ve become frightened of it all.”

“Frightened that I’ll hurt you?” Kiaran murmured, stroking Halsin’s hair with one hand. “Frightened of being like what they wanted you to be?”

Halsin shook his head, but still couldn’t find the words for a long while. Finally, though, he managed to say, “Frightened of… losing the bear, if I do truly open myself up to this. Playing a kitten for you is one thing, but to truly call myself something belonging to you, even for a game…”

“We do not have to do that if you do not want to, love,” Kiaran whispered, kissing Halsin’s forehead. “You know that, don’t you?”

“I do. I truly do.” Halsin closed his eyes. “The problem is that I want it desperately. It… scares me, and yet I crave it so much that I don’t know if I’ll be satisfied until we at least explore it.” And there was the other new part of himself, poking its tiny head out in curiosity. It was small, even if he himself wasn’t. It was cute and sweet and endearing, and it let others protect it instead of trying to protect others. It loved to be cuddled, cherished, stroked, and praised, and it wanted to be Kiaran’s. It wanted to play, to be light of heart and body, to be small and not big. It wanted to explore the things so new to it, even if it was frightened to stray too far just yet.

Kiaran looked at him for a long while, his face gentle, but full of worry and sympathy. “Then what can I do to make this discovery easier for you?” He whispered, lying down next to Halsin and wrapping his arms around Halsin’s middle.

Halsin felt the truth deep inside him. “Remember what I told you, love? About how much easier it feels when… when it’s not me choosing it? I want…” He closed his eyes, took in a steadying breath. The soft, gentle, cute creature inside wanted to play, but would not come out without coaxing. The gentle forcing was what he wanted- needed. He gathered his courage before continuing, “I… I think… No, I know. What I need is for you to take it further. What you say about taming and training me to be your pet. I need that.”

Kiaran regarded him for a long moment. But then he nodded, kissing Halsin softly. “If that is what you want, love, then of course I shall give it to you,” he whispered. “But I need you to promise me, no matter what, that if this stops feeling good for you, that you’ll use your word to stop it. You will… right?”

“I shall. I promise,” Halsin whispered, closing his eyes. “But.. I need your help to become comfortable with these desires.”

“Then you shall have it.” Kiaran kissed him again before letting it turn harder. And what was more- it turned downright possessive, making Halsin shudder. “Kitten. My cute little kitten,” he groaned into the kiss. “Roll back over for me, sweet little thing. Time to show you what a Beast Master can truly do.”

Halsin smiled a little, recognizing the signal for what it was, and complied. “Yes, Sir,” he whispered, rolling to his stomach. He blinked in shock as, as he had said he would, Kiaran slid a pillow under him, the new angle pushing his ass in the air.

It was humiliating. And that tiny, needy thing inside him purred in delight and begged for more.

“Look at you, kitten, you’re soaking wet again. Like a queen in heat,” Kiaran growled, stroking his folds.

Halsin moaned, parting his legs wider in an open plea. “Sir, I need this- I need you. Please…”

Kiaran seemed to think for a while. He leaned forward, whispering in Halsin’s ear. “Tell me what you are.”

His face grew hot, but he answered without hesitation. “Your kitten, Sir.”

The bear huffed at that, tossing its head in annoyance and slinking away with a look of disgust. But the new part of him paid no mind. It purred, getting ready to pounce playfully. It was free. It was ready to enjoy itself, just as much a part of nature as a fierce, wild cave bear, even if Halsin wasn’t quite ready to face it on his own terms yet.

“Good boy,” Kiaran growled at him, ending in a tiny groan of pleasure as he leaned forward. His cock landed between the fleshy halves of Halsin’s ass, not inside him yet, but pressing against his hole. Kiaran started to lightly rock his hips, teasing him. “Good kitten. Now here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to get your tight arse,” he growled, squeezed Halsin’s hips and rocked forward hard enough that the tip of his cock breached him, “pounded to the Hells, and you’re not going to say a word. If you do, you’ll be punished.”

Halsin groaned, both from the stretch of Kiaran’s cock- even if it was only the head- and the words. “Y-Yes, Sir,” he groaned into his inner elbow, resting his head in his arms. It was a strangely comfortable position.

“I’m not done,” Kiaran said lazily, slapping Halsin’s ass and earning another groan. “Remember, you still owe me thanks for helping you not to come all over yourself earlier. And to do that, sweet little thing, you’re going to hold off again, and not come until I tell you. Which won’t be until I’ve already come inside you.”

Halsin whined, but nodded. “Yes Sir. I won’t come,” he whispered.

“Good. Now. No more talking, unless you’re being a good kitten for me and using your code word if you get too overwhelmed,” Kiaran murmured, stroking Halsin’s muscled back before, without warning, he pushed the rest of the way inside.

Stars filled his vision, and he cried out. Already, Kiaran was sliding his hips back, and then he slammed into him again. He groaned into his arms, shaking with pleasure at the burning stretch, at the electric jolts that coursed through him every time Kiaran’s big cock hit his prostate. “Nngh,” he groaned, only just managing not to actually say anything.

“Such a- aaah- fucking-” Kiaran barely seemed able to string a sentence together, though he kept trying. “So tight, kitten. Feels so good. Gods. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. Wanted to- to devour you, just like your bear did to me our first night together. Fuck!” His nails dug at Halsin’s hips, somehow finding the strength to pound still harder into him. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do, kitten, it seems only fair. Show you everything I dreamed of doing to you, now that you’ve accepted what you are. Mine.” He thrust in deeper, harder, and let out another groan. “You’re all mine now, and I’m going to show you just what it means to be a Beast Master’s pet.” 

Halsin shuddered hard, and a realization came to him: Kiaran had needed permission too. Just as Halsin found it easier to enjoy himself when he was ‘forced’ to, Kiaran needed to see that it was helping Halsin before truly letting this part of him, the part of him that ached to claim and be rough, free. He groaned with the next thrust, pushing back desperately as heat pooled in his belly, despite the knowledge that he needed not to come. “S- ahh-” He forced himself not to speak.

“Careful, kitten.” A warning slap landed on his ass. “I’ll still, nngh, punish you, no matter how cute you are- Gods-” His thrusts sped up.

Halsin’s wordless noises grew louder, tears of need springing to his eyes. He moaned desperately, hearing Kiaran’s gasps and grunts behind him, until-

“Such a- fuck!- good boy. Gonna fill you up with come,” Kiaran ground out, groaning as he sped up. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, pet?” Without waiting for the answer he knew Halsin couldn’t give, he gave one final thrust, burying his cock deep inside, and came. The warm fluid filled him, and Halsin groaned, loins aching with need. He felt so used, Kiaran coming inside him while he still wasn’t allowed to do so, and the thought drove him wild, made the arousal more intense.

“Such a good boy. Such a good kitten,” Kiaran groaned. “Gods, you’re taking this so well. So much better than I thought you would. You learn fast, little kitten.” He pulled out, but frustratingly slow and gentle, teasing Halsin. “Now, I owe you a reward. Come sit here, but you still are not to speak.” He sat down, and patted between his parted legs.

A bit confused, Halsin obeyed, crawling into Kiaran’s lap with his back against Kiaran’s front. Kiaran nodded his approval, still overwhelmed and breathless.

There was a unique flood of emotions that came when one stopped holding back, Halsin knew from experience. He could feel it from Kiaran now; the increased desire, the hunger, the raw power of it all. It was a good feeling, if also a frightening one at times. He hoped Kiaran continued enjoying it just as much as Halsin was enjoying the thrill of surrendering that power.

“My adorable little kitten.” Kiaran nuzzled his neck, and his hands wrapped around Halsin’s middle, stroking his sides. “You did so well. I’m so proud of you. You’re trying so hard to learn all the lessons I’m teaching you.”

The words seeped into him like warmth after sinking into a hot bath, and Halsin sighed deeply, eyes happily sliding closed. If his reward was being cuddled, there would be no complaints from him. He let himself drift in it, just as he would for a bath, the sensations and emotions warming and relaxing his body. Even his arousal, as intense as it was, seemed to recede slightly, becoming less urgent.

Until, at least, Kiaran’s hand slid down, teasing his neglected cock. Halsin’s hips bucked hard, and he groaned deeply.

“Beautiful. I can hardly decide what to do with you. Let you come both ways? Or only let you experience one and edge you with the other?” Kiaran teased. He slipped one finger inside Halsin’s foreskin, both stretching it and rubbing the head of Halsin’s cock, and Halsin let out a mewling moan as he let his head fall back against Kiaran. “Gods, you’re fucking perfect.” He kept teasing the same spot, while at the same time using his free hand to rub Halsin’s nipples, letting them harden more than they were already.

Halsin rocked his hips again, moaning louder, more desperate. The comfortable warmth once again slid into raw heat, the need to release overwhelming him.

“Good boy. Such a good boy. You want to come so bad, don’t you?” Kiaran murmured, kissing his neck and then sucking on it.

Halsin opened his mouth, then remembered that he wasn’t supposed to speak, and so he just nodded. More needy sounds tumbled from him instead.

“Sweet little thing. Such cute noises,” Kiaran murmured against Halsin’s neck. He bit Halsin’s neck, and Halsin cried out again, having to restrain himself not to come on the spot. “You can come… if you do one more thing for me.”

Halsin tilted his head, both to grant Kiaran more access to his neck and to show his wordless response to the question, asking to hear the conditions. He bucked his hips up again, groaning at the finger teasing and playing with his foreskin. Kiaran answered him by slipping a second finger in next to the first, savoring the louder cries of pleasure.

“You can come, little kitten, after you tell me- no words, still- do you want your owner,” he nuzzled Halsin’s neck before biting it again, “to make you come from here too?” He cupped Halsin’s wet cunt, making him whimper and rock forward. “Or do you want to be teased?”

Halsin groaned, clenching his thighs to hold Kiaran’s hand in place, and held up a single finger, indicating the first option. Owner. Fuck.

“Good. Then relax, kitten, and let your Beast Master take care of you,” Kiaran murmured, voice somehow gentle and commanding at the same time. Halsin complied at once, eyes drifting closed again. He parted his legs a bit wider for Kiaran, and moaned in delight as a rough, calloused finger pressed against his clit, stroking it. Kiaran’s skilled fingers fell into a pattern that made Halsin mewl, alternating rough, slow strokes with quick, light ones. The noises tumbled from his lips near constantly, his muscles starting to tense as his peak neared.

“You’ve been so good, my little kitten. Cute, sweet thing,” Kiaran murmured. “You can take more, can’t you?”

Halsin whined, but nodded. He could. He would. For Kiaran. He’d take anything for him.

“Good.” His hands stilled, and Halsin whined at the loss, eyes opening. Instead, Kiaran’s arms wrapped around Halsin’s middle again, and he kissed him roughly. When Halsin whined into his mouth, he growled, slid one hand up, and pinched one nipple hard. Halsin cried out, arching his back into the touch, and Kiaran responded by doing the same with his other hand, tormenting his nipples until there were tears in his eyes.

“Mine,” he growled in Halsin’s ear. “All mine.” And then his voice softened again. “My kitten.” His hands found their way between Halsin’s legs again, teasing and stroking with infuriating gentleness.

It was fascinating, how effortlessly Kiaran could slide between sickeningly sweet and brutally rough, but Halsin barely had time to reflect on that before a finger flicked at his clit. Halsin arched his back and gave another near-sob.

“Gods, you sound so good like that,” Kiaran hissed. “How much pain could you take if I commanded it, I wonder?” He flicked at it again, and then tugged hard on Halsin’s balls until tears were sliding down his face, a wail of pain escaping him.

Through it all, the pre-come never stopped beading around the tip of his cock. Kiaran used it to lubricate his fingers when he finally stopped tormenting Halsin’s balls to instead stretch his foreskin wider, to the point of pain this time.

Halsin couldn’t stand it anymore.

He never wanted it to end.

With a roar, he came, unable to hold back any longer. Spurts of white come coated Kiaran’s hand as Halsin’s vision filled with stars.

“I would punish you, but that seems redundant at this point,” Kiaran drawled, flicking at the head of his cock one more time and making Halsin howl. “Hmm. Sensitive.” He did so once more, and then repeated it on his still-swollen clit, aching for relief. He pressed his fingers down, taking enough pity on Halsin to apply the pressure he so desperately needed, until with a cry, Halsin came a second time and collapsed back against Kiaran.

“My good kitten. My sweet boy,” Kiaran praised into his ear, sweet nothings that melted into each other and sent him floating again. “You took it all so well, just for me. Like I knew you would. You like it, don’t you, being a tame pet?”

The bear was still somewhere inside, but dormant- hibernating, perhaps. It was all the soft, spoiled little thing Kiaran had helped create that was in control at the moment. It gave a purr of delight before Halsin answered, “Y-Yes, Sir! Your pet!”

“Good boy.” Kiaran leaned forward, and Halsin’s world melted into a nonstop flurry of kisses, gentle strokes and touches, and sweet words.

And already, his mind was screaming for more, asking how they could take this still further. The answer would come to him, but not until much later.

Chapter Text

For a tenday, the world seemed to blur. A haze of bliss would fall, and then be broken by their anxieties; some Halsin’s, some the bear’s, and some Kiaran’s. Sometimes Kiaran would have one of his episodes- bouts of migraines or seizures that came as a result of the brain injury Orin had inflicted on him, which would result in both of them surfacing from the happy warmth to struggle through Kiaran’s pain together. Other times still, Kiaran would wander off, clearly with a goal in mind, but what they were, he never said, and Halsin didn’t pry. He knew Kiaran would tell him when he was ready, yet it disquieted him, seeing Kiaran so focused on something, but ending up frustrated and disappointed every time he attempted and clearly failed at whatever he was trying to do.

But then, inevitably, things would get better again. Halsin would spend the day playing with the children, or he would carefully nurse Kiaran back to health, and life would carry on. Halsin was well used to the struggle to find a new routine after a tremendous upheaval in life. What he wasn’t used to was the fact that this time, the upheaval wasn’t all negative. As traumatic as it had been to see the Drow who had slain his captors, just as much of the current change they were going through was for good reasons, such as their new community, or Halsin and Kiaran simply getting used to each other.

Halsin was still unsure how to approach the changes he liked. He was a man used to a life of crisis after crisis, and while the threat of his captors’ assassins still lingered, his life was otherwise stable- almost frighteningly so. That was what frightened him the most. A state of calm meant that nothing bad was happening, and if nothing bad was happening… then it would happen soon, and if past experience was anything to go by, it would happen in the worst, most devastating manner possible.

But for now, he tried to simply push the worries back. Despite everything that was happening, he had not been this happy since he was a child, and he didn’t think Kiaran had ever been this happy, period- at the very least, not in this life, his life as his true self. And once they managed to find that Drow house and stop whatever they were planning, things would be better still. At the very least, it seemed that catching Halsin wasn’t a priority for them, or else Halsin would surely have met another unwelcome visitor from the Underdark by now.

With a sigh, Halsin wrapped his arms around Kiaran’s middle, listening to the soft sounds his lover made. He stroked Kiaran’s temple and kissed him, murmuring sweet things to him as he slept, and beaming at the sleepy smile he got in return. There were many advantages to being a person whose rest came from meditation instead of sleep, but this was, to him, the biggest one- getting to see how peaceful Kiaran was while resting. Kiaran deserved that much, after all he’d overcome.

But seeing Kiaran so relaxed and peaceful made his doubts surface again, for Halsin had been thinking about their arrangement even more than usual lately, and he had been thinking about his time in the Underdark. One of the downsides of being a person who meditated instead of sleeping was that he saw his past in his ‘dreams’, and that meant the memories of those days were clearer than they would be for a human, even if he had lost perspective on some of it as time went on. As a result, he found those memories lingering in his mind, as dangerous, parasitical, and impossible to remove as a mindflayer tadpole.

Halsin spent a lot of time thinking on this new arrangement he and Kiaran had: what he was enjoying about it, what particular hurts it was making feel better, and what it let him feel and work through. He felt safe during those sessions- he felt cared for and protected. He cherished the raw dominance, which Kiaran was getting even better at now that he had been given permission to stop holding back, and even the hints of possessiveness coming off Kiaran pleased Halsin. Most of all, Halsin liked the fantasy of being a cute, cherished little pet who was being tamed against his will; he loved being something so utterly contrary to his regular self. It was perfect.

No. Not perfect. Perfect, after all, would mean there was nothing left to explore, and he knew otherwise. That was precisely what was troubling him. The fact that he felt so safe this way was what had led to his new idea, and yet, it was also the very reason why he was scared to voice it. There was the most obvious worry, of course: what if Kiaran found it to be too much? What if being asked upset him? What if Halsin was asking too much, being too selfish, and Kiaran grew furious? As unusually good at communicating as they were- a true blessing, Halsin knew all too well, one few couples were gifted with- the worry was always present in the back of his mind.

But more than that, he also worried about what might happen if they actually changed their little game. What if it all went horribly wrong? What if Halsin was wrong about the activities he’d enjoy in bed, and trying new things ruined it? Worse still, what if it brought back memories of his captivity that he would not be able to shake away this time? What if he lost this new refuge as fast as he and Kiaran had made it?

He frowned again, thinking, trying to rein in his worried thoughts before they became panicked ones. He thought back to the first conversations they’d had about this arrangement. He and Kiaran hadn’t known this would turn out so well back then, had they? And they’d had so many bumps along the way, even when just expressing the idea to each other- to the point of worrying, at times, that proposing it all had been a mistake. Either bringing up another new idea would have the same challenges as before- all of which they could work out together, as they had then- or it would be easier than that had been. Nothing could be harder than the road they’d already taken to get here, surely?

He looked over at Kiaran’s sleeping form, and then gathered all his courage. Yes. Yes, he could do this. He could ask for what he wanted. Kiaran would listen, and he’d work with Halsin. The worst that could happen was that they would find something new that they needed to work through together. They could handle that- had handled it many times.

“Sweet thing,” Halsin whispered to his sleeping partner, kissing his cheek. He moved his arms, adjusting them around Kiaran’s middle. “Sometimes I cannot believe my luck. Having met you, having unearthed your true nature with you. Having you here at my side. Of all the places in the world you could have gone to, the people you could have joined… you chose me.” He smiled at the memories, thinking of how far his partner had come, and in that moment, he felt the certainty deep inside him. They could handle nearly anything thrown at them together. They had slain the avatar of the God of Necromancy, had stopped a mindflayer invasion, and had defied Kiaran’s father and found a new life for Kiaran as someone more than the Chosen of the God of Murder. And they had lived to tell the tale.

They could survive this, too.

With another smile, he nuzzled Kiaran, closed his eyes, and waited for the man to wake.

The conversation didn’t happen when Kiaran awoke, nor did it happen during breakfast. Halsin gathered up his courage, and searched his mind for the right way to ask throughout the day. But as he had promised himself, he was ready before too long, and in the early afternoon he snuggled up to Kiaran on their newly-purchased sofa, his arms wrapped tightly around the other.

It was amazing, in retrospect, that he had managed for so long as Archdruid, when he had so rarely got this sort of affection, even from the Druids he’d considered friends. Every touch felt like it was quenching a century-long drought, and he was sure Kiaran felt similarly. And he was just as happy to give that to Kiaran, after all he’d been through, as he was to receive it.

“Copper for your thoughts?” Kiaran asked, yawning as he scratched gently at Halsin’s scalp. “I assume you’re thinking of something besides what to do about Adelia’s breech baby, or else you’d be consulting your books again.” One of the commune’s residents, who had been having a rough pregnancy from the very start, had recently discovered that her baby turned, and even Halsin was worried about the risk of complications when her labor came. Already he was practicing his surgical techniques on cadavers, in case he needed to operate and then use healing magic to close the incision.

“I do worry about her, yes, but there is little more to be done until her contractions begin, I’m afraid,” Halsin said with a sigh. “No, this was a thought about us, and about everything we have been enjoying together.” He squeezed Kiaran’s hand.

“I see.” Kiaran squeezed back, and kept scratching at Halsin’s scalp with his other hand. “Good things?”

“I think so, yes.” Halsin gave a nervous smile. “I wanted to discuss our… bedroom activities.” He inhaled. “Which is to say, I want to discuss possibly doing something new, but I worry about… what you may feel about the particular idea I had in mind.”

“Hmm.” Kiaran thought for a long moment. “Do you wish to discuss this now, love?” He squeezed Halsin’s hand back, a knowing look in his eyes. “Or do you need more time to prepare for it first?”

It was strangely liberating- and also terrifying- to be understood so well by someone. Not since he’d lost his mother had anyone understood him like this: he didn’t even have to speak, half of the time, for Kiaran to just know. It was all Halsin had wanted for so long, ever since the loneliness had settled in after he lost the last member of his family, and yet it was such a vulnerable state to be in.

The bear hated being vulnerable, even for a good reason. It could tolerate it in small doses, but Halsin felt the bear become alert every time it happened, wanted or not. He felt it now; the bear was ready to leap into action, its ears perked, eyes watching intently for any sign it was needed. Halsin responded by pushing at it, urging it to go back to what it was doing before, but once on edge, the bear rarely would unless it had proof all was well.

He leaned against Kiaran, eyes closed. “I,” he said softly. “I am ready, my love… I am just worried. But our time together has taught me that the ideas we worry the most about are also the ones most worth pursuing.”

Kiaran smiled. He kissed Halsin’s temple and started to gently work his fingers through Halsin’s hair, making the elf sigh softly. “Yes,” he whispered, nodding. “I would say that you are right, my oak. What is it, then?”

Halsin closed his eyes, letting out another sigh. “Do you remember, love, when we first started doing this? And how you told me to pick a codeword, if I should ever need to immediately stop what we were doing?” Kiaran nodded silently, so Halsin continued, “and then, I asked if you intended for me to say no and not mean it.” He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, like he was about to jump off a cliff- but also like he anticipated wildshaping into a bird in midair, guaranteeing his safety. It would be a terrifying endeavor, but one without true risk to him. He was sure of that. He reached out and grabbed Kiaran’s hands, holding them in his own.

A second passed.

Only a single, fleeting moment.

But to Halsin- and Kiaran too, he thought, if he was reading his partner’s face right- it felt like it lasted for minutes, until he finally took that leap. His stomach dropped, but he felt safe all the same, knowing he was with the one he loved most.

“I want,” Halsin finally said, gathering the courage to meet Kiaran’s eyes. “I want, if you are amenable… to attempt just that.”

Kiaran looked at him for a moment, frowning. “Do you mean that you want to say no when we are already playing, and I continue anyway?” He finally asked, looking thoughtful, and perhaps slightly worried, but not upset.

Halsin exhaled in relief, because as certain as he had been, there had still been a tiny voice inside him that worried. He was glad to have it proven wrong. “What I mean, my love,” he whispered, holding Kiaran’s hand, “is that I want… to play… as though I do not want any of it. As though I have no choice.”

Kiaran’s eyes went wide, and the worry now jumped to the forefront of his face. Halsin could see it in the deep frown, and he could hear it in the sharp exhale he gave. “Halsin,” he said, his voice very, very quiet. Halsin thought of hot but lazy days in the forest, when his ursine ears strained to catch the sounds of distant birds or fish he might hunt. It was the sort of day where troubles felt diminished, and safety felt absolute. “My love.” This time, it was Kiaran’s hands that squeezed Halsin’s, and Kiaran’s voice sounded lost and nearly afraid. “I need to be absolutely certain I am understanding right. You wish for us to act out me forcing myself on you?”

Halsin nodded mutely, and watched Kiaran for a reaction. The worry was more present than ever, but the absence of anger continued to reassure Halsin despite that. Whatever Kiaran was feeling, they could work through it together, and come to an agreement they both were okay with; he knew that much. And Kiaran certainly wasn’t about to castigate Halsin for being selfish with his desires. But still, Halsin worried.

“I see.” Kiaran went quiet again, just for a moment, before he asked, “The Beast Master version of me, and the pet version of you? The kitten?” Kiaran couldn’t fight the tiny smile that quirked his lips.

“Yes,” Halsin whispered. “That is what I… yes.”

“Oh. Good,” Kiaran said, looking visibly relieved. “I am sorry, my love, but I do not think I could do that as… us. As you and I.”

“Why are you sorry, my heart?” Halsin squeezed Kiaran’s hand, his own worried frown matching Kiaran’s now. “Your desires, your comfort, matters in this too. Just because you are the one in control does not mean you should push yourself past your own boundaries, or feel sorry when you do not ignore them. Quite the opposite, I… I would never want you to do that for my sake.”

“I know.” Leaning over, Kiaran kissed Halsin on the forehead, his hands cupping Halsin’s cheeks. “I do, love. I just… still feel a bit guilty if I am unable to make the things you want happen, when you have struggled so much to ask me for what you want. That is all.” He pressed a kiss to Halsin’s lips, and both of them gave a deep sigh into it before Kiaran pulled back. “I am proud of you for being open with me about your desires. And I do want to make this happen for you. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't unsure, my sweet honey bear.” Kiaran pressed their foreheads together. “I have a lot of worries and doubts about this myself.”

“You are worried that I will be hurt?” Halsin asked, squeezing Kiaran’s hand. “Or is something else troubling you about this, my heart?”

Kiaran searched for the words. “Honestly? Both. I worry about you being hurt by this, but also… forgive me.” Kiaran sighed and hung his head slightly, pulling back from Halsin. “I am afraid this will be too real for you, love. That you will be hurt, and that my face will become another that haunts your nightmares. I already look…” Kiaran held a hand up, waving it slowly in front of his face to indicate his Drow features. He was only a half-Drow, true, but with his ears covered by his long black hair, at first glance he could easily be mistaken for a full Drow.

Halsin swallowed hard. “Oh, love,” he whispered, kissing Kiaran’s forehead. “I would never… I could never mistake you for anything but yourself.”

“Perhaps not now, but what if I hurt you on accident? What if I play the role too well? Love, I saw how you looked at me after the day…” Kiaran closed his eyes for a moment. “After Bhaal tried to make me kill you. You were terrified of me. I don't ever want to see such an expression on your face again, let alone directed at me.”

“Of course I was terrified of you. You had gone mad, and were raving incoherently about how you wished to force me into wildshape, flay me alive, and make me into a bearskin rug which you would then use to decorate your tent,” Halsin said matter-of-factly. “And yet, despite the fear, I knew your true self remained, waiting to be freed, if I could survive long enough for you to come back to yourself and allow us all to fight for that freedom. Once we banished Bhaal’s blood from you, so too did we dispel any remaining fear I felt of you. I knew from that moment on that you would never pose a threat again- at least, not to me.” A slow inhale. “And thus, I know now that you will not hurt me, if we do this.”

“Not on purpose, of course. But accidents happen, my love.” Kiaran squeezed Halsin’s hand again, staring at the ground instead of Halsin’s face; it was always hard for him to look Halsin in the eye when he was reminded of that night. “They are a part of life, of relationships, and they are much likelier to happen if we do things like this. A fantasy of domination is a very different matter than pretending that I am violating your body.” He bit his lip. “I do not wish to disappoint you. But I- Gods, if anything ever happened to you… If I hurt you, if I saw that look on your face again…”

Halsin inhaled, and pressed one finger to Kiaran’s lips. “You do not need to say anything more, love. If you are not comfortable, then we shall let the matter rest. Thank you, in any case, for allowing me to speak without fear of judgment… And without… without making me feel selfish.” Leaning forward, he kissed Kiaran’s forehead. It was reassuring, to know that even if the answer had been a no, that they were still okay- just as he had told that doubtful voice in the back of his mind. No one was hurt, no one was furious at the other.

“Please, wait.” Kiaran closed his eyes, inhaling slowly. “This is not a no, it is… I just need to think. You are everything to me, Halsin. If anything ever happened, if I hurt you, I… I could not bear it. But this… the fantasy itself, all implications removed, does appeal to me. Very much.”

Halsin held his breath. “It… it does?” He dared to ask. Maybe there was a middle ground here.

“Gods.” Kiaran let out a shaky laugh and leaned forward, hiding his head in his hands as his cheeks flushed a darker grey. “I… You have been truthful with me, so I owe it to you to be transparent back. In truth, love? I have never been much of a submissive; I discovered that particular fact with a Pain of Loviatar who I met in the goblin camp. I enjoy being in control far more than surrendering it. I did it for you because I thought you were a dominant too, one who would never want to give up control. I did enjoy everything I ever did with you, and would not change it for anything, but every time you were inside me, I ached to give it right back to you.” Chuckling faintly, Kiaran shook his head. “I… guess I was guilty of… of the same thing that so many others were. Of assuming things about you, without trying to find who you really were. It never occurred to me that you might want to have a turn as a submissive.”

“In all fairness,” Halsin said slowly. “I did project that image of myself deliberately. Partly because I felt others were unlikely to ever want anything else from me after so long of never being asked, partly because I feared being vulnerable in that way again after my years in the Underdark, and partly because I feared indulging in those desires again would make me… would make everything my h- captors said to me true. You cannot be blamed for seeing the version of me I wanted you to see.”

“Hmm. I suppose that's true.” Kiaran scratched at a scar on the back of his hand. “Anyway, I dreamed of having you every time you had me. And… I have enjoyed what we have been doing together, very much, and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about having you completely helpless under me.” Kiaran leaned forward, kissed Halsin deeply, and pulled back. “My cute little kitten, forced to take whatever his owner dishes out.” They both smiled a bit at that, but Kiaran’s was the first to fall back into a frown, and he gave a deep sigh. “But every time I think that, I remember that inside of you, there is also a bear. A bear who is very strong, and very scared and angry, and who doesn’t want to be overpowered ever again. Your bear has been your protector for so long, and as it is, he gets scared of what we do. We would be fools to think he would accept this, that he would be able to understand it’s only a game. Even if he didn't take over, he would still be quite cross at you for subjecting yourself to this. And you told me that you fear losing your bear.”

Halsin thought, and heaved a deep sigh. He hated that Kiaran was right. “That is the truth. But I do have an idea that might help,” he finally offered. “It would only solve the issue of the bear’s presence, of course; the others, we would still have to sort out ourselves.”

“But?” Kiaran probed, frowning again.

“But,” Halsin said with a faint smile. “The bear, of course, can only take over through wildshape. And wildshape requires magic. Suppose we purchased some sussur bark, or that I drank its bottled essence…”

“Then the bear could not come out until we were rid of the sussur,” Kiaran finished, nodding in approval, but still concerned. “Love, are you certain? That would mean no healing magic, either, until either we burned the bark or until the potion left your system.” He set a hand on Halsin’s cheek. “If this is what you want…” Kiaran chewed on his lip. “If you truly desire this so much that you would be willing to send your bear away entirely for a while, then I am willing to try; I know it is no small thing for you to offer this.” Kiaran could count on one hand the number of things Halsin would choose over his wildshape. “But we must be careful. So much can go so horribly wrong.” His voice twisted, so much pain and disquiet in his voice that Halsin felt a pang of guilt for even bringing it up and causing Kiaran this anguish.

“We do not have to,” Halsin was quick to assure him again, still feeling that doubt deep inside him. What if he was being selfish, asking too much, taking too much from the first person to prioritize his wants like this? “We truly do not, love. I meant it when I said that your consent does not stop mattering just because you are the dominant partner here. If you do not want this, it shall not happen, and that is the end of that.”

“I know.” Kiaran took in a slow breath. “But the problem, love, is that as I said, worries aside, I do want just that. It is not a simple no. It is a yes-but, and an I’m-not-sure.”

Halsin leaned forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Kiaran. He pulled Kiaran into his lap for more closeness, arms wrapped around Kiaran’s waist and chin resting on Kiaran’s head. “My sweet love,” he murmured. “I promise you, no matter what, I shall not be disappointed. Take as long as you need to decide.”

Quiet fell for a long moment, uncertain, yet not as frightening as it would once have been. Halsin waited as Kiaran thought. Eventually, Kiaran pulled back again, and his soft, loving eyes met Halsin’s. He kissed Halsin for a very long time before he finally spoke. “If we are to do this, we will need a sublimate of sussur bark to keep the bear at bay, and we will need to discuss carefully what we are to do, and most importantly, we will need a plan for what to do if you become frightened.”

Halsin’s heart sped up. “And once we have arranged all of those things?” He breathed.

“Then yes. I will try this with you, my beautiful oak,” Kiaran whispered, brushing the hair out of Halsin’s face.

“The sussur bark can be ordered from the shop in town. The shopkeeper has a magical catalogue from another shopkeeper in Baldur’s Gate,” Halsin supplied. “Once we have it, the process to brew a potion from its essence is quite simple. So, that just leaves planning our… roleplaying, itself.”

“Yes.” Kiaran nodded. “You said you wanted it to be as kitten and Beast Master. Is there a more specific scenario you had in mind? Would I be punishing you, perhaps?”

“In truth, I do not much mind those particulars,” Halsin admitted. “A punishment is a fine place to start. Or you could be testing me, or it could be part of my training… Any of those options are fine.” He stroked Kiaran’s hand.

“Alright. I can work with those.” Kiaran gave a faint smile. “‘Mushroom’ would still be your word to bring it all to a halt if you should become frightened, or need to stop for any other reason. Do you… do you anticipate fighting back? Or would I use some means to stop you from struggling?” His eyes were worried again. “You said no restraints, at least for your arms, but I fear fighting might make it real, or remind you of… them.”

“Oh, no, quite the opposite,” Halsin said with that tone that always unsettled Kiaran so, like he was numb to the picture his words painted. “I was never able to let them feel my claws. They made it quite clear that a single flash of their pet bear’s claws would get me sent to the mines, or worse. That level of resistance was impossible, and I knew better than to attempt it no matter what pain I had to endure.”

“Hells.” Kiaran rubbed a thumb over his forehead and shook his head. “That does not make me more inclined to fight you into submission, my love, even as just a part of a game. We need another way.” A pause. “Do not apologize, please.”

Halsin had, indeed, opened his mouth to do just that, so he closed it. “I would be amenable to being charmed, or otherwise magically compelled?” He suggested instead.

Kiaran shook his head almost before the words had left Halsin’s mouth. “Even if we overcame your elven resistance to being charmed, that would still create a new problem- you wouldn't be able to tell me if you were being pushed past your limits. I could magically force you both to stay still and to tell me if you were unable to continue, I guess, but I lack the means to do it. That kind of spell isn’t in my skillset- I never learned Charm Person, let alone any higher-level spells.” Kiaran frowned deeper as he thought.

“Then we could incorporate it into the scenario, perhaps. If it is a punishment, you could threaten me with worse if I resist,” Halsin pointed out. “Or if it is for some other reason, you could still say the same: that I will be punished if I resist.”

“I can’t do that to you, not after you just told me your captors threatened you to make you not resist!” Kiaran cried, shaking his head emphatically.

“Why not?” Halsin asked in a very quiet, soft voice, reaching out to gently stroke Kiaran’s wrist. “Why can’t you? We both know you are not my hosts. I have already told you the few things that I absolutely cannot do. Even if I become frightened, I will still know that you are not a real danger to me, and I promise it will always be so. I know your touch, your voice, your scent, just as a bee will always recognize the scent of other members of its hive.”

“When you had that… episode, the day we first discussed doing this,” Kiaran began quietly. His voice hitched, the memory still clearly causing him pain. “You didn’t know any such thing. I could not get you to respond to me, to move, nothing. You did not know me then.”

“This is true,” Halsin acknowledged with a sigh. He massaged Kiaran’s scalp. “But those were also very different circumstances, my heart. I was frightened not only of what we were discussing, but of many other things as well, many of which are better now. I am still very afraid of some of them, but I am able to… to better see what is happening before I reach that point, now.” A faint smile. “My younger self got bitten by many a creature trying to befriend them, and learned each time how to identify the signs before it happened. The same principle applies here, I think, but the beast is the anxieties I carry inside.”

“Alright. Alright. Point taken,” Kiaran said softly. He wrapped his arms tightly around Halsin and buried his face in Halsin’s neck. “I just… I never want to see you that way again. Not as long as I live. It was awful, love.”

Halsin’s heart ached at the pain in Kiaran’s voice. “I am sorry,” he whispered. “I cannot imagine how frightened you felt… No, actually, I can. I felt the same when you battled your Urge. And yet,” he tilted Kiaran’s chin up, “yet here we are now. We still… have much to overcome, yes…” Doubts, fears, past traumas, Kiaran’s condition, Halsin’s captors… the list was quite long. “… But us being able to have this conversation is itself a sign things have changed for the better, is it not? If we got to this point, it means we are stronger than we were before. And if that is so…”

“Then maybe I don’t need to fear losing you again,” Kiaran finished, exhaling. He rested his head against Halsin’s shoulder as he thought, and gave a deep sigh of pleasure as Halsin started to stroke his back. “Then… If you are certain that you will be able to handle it… then let’s try, love. I want to make you happy, and for my part, I also want to make you helpless under me.”

Halsin shivered in pleasure, his grip tightening on Kiaran. “I want that too. Very, very much,” he whispered. “Not only to be helpless, but to be helpless with you, who I know will never truly hurt me. There is something… so deeply comforting about it. And if it… is something you would be willing to give, then…” he trailed off, weighing the desire with his fears of asking too much.

Kiaran considered that for a while. “You have a history of being hurt every time you are vulnerable,” he agreed, nodding as the thoughts fell into place. “And… I really… I really do want to do this with you, and let you feel that you can be both vulnerable and safe. Yes. Yes. We will try. More than anything, I want to erase the scars they left inside you, and if I cannot erase them, I want to at least ease the pain. Just as you have done for me, every chance you had.  I hate to see you hurting, and it… it brings me so much… joy to know that this helps you.” Kiaran thought back to the day he had first suggested this, and how afraid he had been at the idea being badly received. Instead, it had, after only a few tendays, already made Halsin so much more at peace with himself.

Halsin smiled, lips pressed to Kiaran’s forehead. “You do so for me every day. You are the balm for every sting life inflicts, my love.” He took in a breath. “I know that we cannot play the scenario we discussed yet, until we acquire some sussur bark, but perhaps we can still play as we normally do, while we wait?” He tried, and failed, not to betray too much longing.

Kiaran’s eyes brightened with mischief. “Eager, aren’t we, kitten?” He breathed, tilting Halsin’s chin up this time. His hands drifted lower, and he ground one palm against Halsin’s mostly soft cock, making Halsin gasp. “You want your Beast Master to claim you? Sweet little thing.”

Halsin’s eyes drifted closed. Kiaran could almost see it, the little changes that came over his face when he slid into this new headspace. His posture would relax, his eyes growing softer, yet no less eager. But instead of just the raw desperation he had shown in their first couplings, his eyes would show the hint of a plea; an expression that was begging for relief, instead of readying to give them both that relief himself. Best of all, at least in Kiaran’s eyes, the headspace would cause him to become more open and playful- downright sweet and adorable. Kiaran wasn’t lying or exaggerating when he said he found Halsin cute all the time, but Kiaran found him even more so when he was like this.

“Sir…” Halsin breathed, sighing deeply when Kiaran kissed him. Kiaran ground his palm down again, and felt Halsin start to grow hard almost immediately.

“What is it, kitten?” Kiaran laughed. “Go on. Tell me what you need.”

“You, Sir.” He squeezed Kiaran’s hips with a needy noise, not quite a whine, and when Kiaran pulled those hands away, the disappointment on his face nearly broke Kiaran’s resolve.

But this was what they both wanted, so he kept going. “Nah-ah-ah, kitten. Good pets don’t touch their owners without permission, now do they? You will earn it like the good boy I know you can be.”

Halsin considered that for a moment, and then shyly and wordlessly pressed his face against Kiaran’s hand. Chuckling, Kiaran stroked his hair. “Yes. Much better, kitten. Good boy.” Halsin glowed under the praise, and Kiaran kissed his forehead before forcing his expression to turn cold and impassive.

“Now, then. If you can be in our bedroom, fully unclothed, erect, and on your hands and knees on our bed in two minutes, then I shall happily use you just as you crave.” He stood, staring down to watch the shiver run through Halsin’s body. “Your time starts now, kitten.”

With none of the grace he usually possessed, Halsin jumped to a standing position. In a whirlwind, he disappeared into the bedroom, and Kiaran smiled as he lazily followed his cute little pet.

It seemed he would be paying the fee to have the delivery of their sussur bark expedited; he didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary to give Halsin what he wanted. But for now, he was more than able to tide his sweet submissive over.

Chapter Text

The sussur-infused potion was almost unbearably bitter, and it felt like every molecule of ash clung to his throat. But Halsin had drank far worse concoctions in his lifetime, with far less reward than he anticipated receiving this time. And the ashes and aftertaste both left his senses after a swig of rothé milk, allowing Halsin to deal with far more pressing matters. Namely, his bear.

As predicted, the bear was furious at Halsin’s betrayal. It snarled and reared back on two legs, claws extended as it realized what had been done. Its eyes were full of hurt and anger and fear.

I am sorry, Halsin thought towards the bear, head bowed. Please, you must understand… I did this so all of us could remain safe while Kiaran and I play. It’s for the best, for all of us.

The bear gave no signs it was about to show any understanding. It reached out as though to take a swipe at Halsin, but at that very moment, the sussur ashes hit Halsin’s bloodstream. The bear gave Halsin a baleful look before it vanished entirely, its furious and heartbroken face crumbling away like dust. Where it was, Halsin had no idea, but until the sussur potion’s effect ended, his bear was gone.

In that moment, Halsin was suddenly flooded with doubt and remorse. He had hurt his bear, who had been his protector for so long. The bear who always rushed to help when Halsin was threatened, frightened, or even just overwhelmed, and provided both protection and comfort. The bear who took charge when Halsin was frozen in place and unable to act, who had always protected him from goblins and Absolutists and Drow without a single complaint or even asking anything in return, and who let Halsin feel his instincts without fear.

And after all the bear had done for him, Halsin had banished him just like that, just so he could enjoy a sex game with Kiaran.

But, he told himself desperately, he couldn’t live his life around the bear’s wants forever, could he? He couldn’t risk transforming in the middle of something like this and harming Kiaran. And it was only temporary- only as long as it took the sussur to leave his system. Surely the bear would understand, eventually? It was only temporary, until the bear learned to feel safe too.

“Love?” Kiaran stepped close, stroking Halsin’s hair. “Are you alright?”

Halsin inhaled, glancing up at Kiaran from their bed. “Yes. I simply have some…” He bit his lip, and then shook his head. “I worry about the bear, that is all. But what’s done is done. No matter what my feelings are, there is nothing to do but wait for the potion to take its course.” He inhaled. “Are you ready to proceed, love?”

They had worked it out, a rough outline of what they’d be doing for their first time. They might do it more spontaneously in future, but for the first time, they wanted something more carefully controlled, something without surprises. Halsin felt the mixture of anxiety and arousal grow inside of him as he waited for Kiaran’s answer.

“I-” Kiaran hesitated, expression still worried. But after a few seconds of watching Halsin’s face, he seemed to realize that Halsin wanted to move on from his worries about the bear. And he was right, ultimately; worrying wouldn’t bring the bear back any sooner. Kiaran had worried Halsin might have doubts just like this, so it was a bit of a relief to see him able to talk himself out of letting them stop what they had planned. It had taken a lot of work to get Halsin to the point of being able to ask for what he wanted.

Kiaran stepped forward. He set one hand on Halsin’s cheek, and leaned on his tip-toes to kiss him.”I am ready when you are, my sweet honey bear,” he murmured. He traced one finger over the tattoo on Halsin’s face, following it down his cheek until it reached his neck, and Halsin shivered lightly.

Then Kiaran pulled back, and turned his expression stern. “Go lie down on the bed, kitten,” he stressed the word. It had become something of a verbal switch for Halsin, something that made him immediately make a mental transformation from a wild, strong bear to a sweet, submissive kitten.

Halsin’s eyes slid closed for a moment, a trait he’d developed over the past few weeks. Like he was being charmed without use of magic, like the waves of submission were making his mind hazy. Halsin’s posture relaxed, and he opened his eyes. “Yes, Sir,” he muttered as he turned around and walked towards the bedroom.

Kiaran gave Halsin time to ready himself per his earlier instructions, and used the time to go over their plan in his mind, making sure he wasn’t going to be forgetting any of it. Halsin would still have the same codeword, of course, if he needed to stop. He’d have the same limits as before, too. The only thing that would change was the scenario they were playing. His kitten, instead of being a captured, tamed pet, would be resistant, and Kiaran would be accordingly harsher. But not too harsh, not yet. That would come later, when they were more settled into this aspect of their game.

Once Kiaran felt ready, he inhaled, took a breath, and walked to their bedroom. He walked over to Halsin, who was lying on his stomach, head buried in his arms as his breath came quick and excited. He smiled to himself, chest swelling with affection, before he forced himself to turn serious once more. “My,” he said with a sigh, shaking his head as he entered. “My, my. You were so close, little kitten, to being perfect. But you just couldn’t accept your place, could you?” He walked over to Halsin, who rolled over, and tilted his chin up, tutting. “You could have just let me spoil you for the rest of your days, but instead, you had to do this.”

Halsin growled. “I am a bear, not a kitten, and I am certainly not your kitten,” he said defiantly. “There are no pets in nature.”

Kiaran laughed darkly. “Sweet little kitten, you delude yourself. We aren’t in your precious nature right now. We are in my home, and you will be what I want you to be, which means you are my pet now.” He tugged at Halsin’s hair, forcing him to sit up. “If I say you’re my kitten, you are, and if I say you’re my little bitch in heat, you’re that, too.” He tugged more firmly.

“Say what you will, but we are still a part of nature. And I remain loyal to my nature,” Halsin said, fixing Kiaran with a glare full of fury.

Kiaran gave a wicked smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Oh, I shall ensure you remain true to your real nature,” he promised, stepping closer to the bed. “I will never let either of us forget who you are again.”

“Good. You would do well to remember what happens when you provoke a bear,” Halsin said, baring his teeth.

It was interesting, seeing which bearish parts of Halsin were still such without the bear that lived inside him. It was hardly a surprise seeing that so much of it was truly Halsin’s own personality, but it fascinated Kiaran all the same. “Oh, cute little thing. I am not provoking a bear, I’m taunting a kitten. A cute little kitten,” Kiaran laughed, walking over and poking Halsin’s nose. Halsin growled. “One who will be spreading his legs and begging for more as soon as his punishment is over, and will then be crawling in my lap for pettings like he did before. Which I shall give, because I am merciful, once the proper punishments are doled out.”

Halsin growled, swatting at Kiaran, but Kiaran just grabbed his wrist, as though he was the stronger of the two. He kept his hold loose enough that it would never feel like a proper restraint, preventing Halsin from being reminded of things he didn’t want to remember. “Retract the claws, kitten, those pathetic little needles have no power here,” he scolded. “How anyone was such a fool as to let you think you were anything else is beyond me. You’re no bear, you’re a delicate, mewling house cat.”

Halsin growled again and swatted with his other arm, only for it to be pinned down too. Kiaran raised his eyebrows. “Are you quite done now? It will be very hard for me to enjoy your body this way, and I shall not be happy if you insist on making it more difficult. I already have to waste time punishing you instead of indulging myself. I would be groveling for forgiveness if I was you, pet.”

“I shall not abandon my nature just because you wish it,” Halsin spat, glaring up at Kiaran. “I am not your kitten.”

Kiaran sighed. “If you insist, then we shall do this the hard way,” he said, shaking his head. He adjusted his grip on Halsin’s arms so that he was holding both his wrists in one hand, and then he leaned over, grabbing a length of rope. Carefully, he turned himself so that he would still be holding Halsin down for as long as possible as he prepared the rope. Then, with a Ranger’s swift movement and deft hands, he leapt off the bed and tied Halsin’s legs open, one bound to each spike of the foot of the bed.

Halsin growled, struggling against the bonds, and cried, “What are you doing? Cease at once!”

“You’re hardly in a position to be making demands, little pet,” Kiaran said, and he mockingly took Halsin’s hand in his, tapping the fingertips. “As I said: retract your claws. They’ll do you no good here, and will only make your punishment worse. Right now, you have the luxury of my mercy owing to my affection for you. Do not squander it.” He leaned forward, nuzzled Halsin’s neck, and then bit.

It took everything Halsin had not to moan, but he managed. Kiaran chuckled as he pulled back, seeing the fire in Halsin’s eyes. “Poor little thing. You just can’t resist making it difficult for yourself, can you? Maybe you just crave punishment. You could have just asked me, you know.” A sigh. “But I can’t be too angry with you, not when you make it this fun. Now, which hole do I want to use first?” He stroked Halsin’s inner thigh as he contemplated the choice. “Hmm… it would be easier far easier not to have to bother with oil, as you already insist on being so difficult.” And with that, he began to stroke Halsin’s folds, his own naked cock growing rapidly harder as he watched Halsin’s reactions.

“S-Stop that! I swear to Silvanus, I will-” Halsin began, fighting hard against the bindings, his face filled with indignation.

Kiaran stared into his eyes, slid two fingers inside of Halsin, and used his thumb to brush over Halsin’s clit, not pressing particularly hard, but still very much there.

The rest of Halsin’s words cut off in a moan, and he fell back back against the pillow. “S-Stop… that…” He moaned, still weakly struggling against the ropes as he fought not to give in to the pleasure. “Let me go!”

Kiaran laughed, withdrawing his fingers from inside of Halsin, but still rubbing firmly over the bundle of nerves. He used his free hand to tilt Halsin’s chin up. “You would still insist on fighting your true nature, kitten? Even when we can both see how you ache to surrender to me?” He dipped two fingers between Halsin’s legs, gathering his slick over his fingers, and then held them up for Halsin to see. “Already you’re dripping wet for me. Your body knows exactly what it wants, even if you refuse to admit it. It will go much easier for you if you do accept it.”

“I do not care what you think I want. Now let me go,” Halsin growled, baring his teeth.

“Ah, I see…” Kiaran chuckled, more to himself than to Halsin. He positioned himself between Halsin’s thighs, letting him see Kiaran’s impressive erection. “I bet you’re wondering what that punishment I spoke of is. Surely you’re not naive enough to think that merely being fucked is your punishment?” He shook his head in amusement. “That is simply showing what is expected of you, now that your body is mine to use whenever I wish. No, your punishment, pet, is this.” He leaned over to retrieve two clamps attached by a chain. With fast and skilled hands, he attached them to Halsin’s nipples, making them tight, but not painful- yet. “These are enchanted,” he began. “The more you jostle them, the deeper their bite will grow. Allow me to demonstrate.” He leaned forward and bit Halsin’s neck.

With a cry, Halsin arched his back- and the clamps responded by squeezing tighter, making Halsin whimper with pain and pleasure, his breath coming in pants. Kiaran quickly unhooked the clamps to reset them, and then reattached them again. “I want any pain these cause to truly be earned,” he explained with a smirk. “I have full confidence you will cause them to get far tighter than this with how you insist on struggling. So by all means, continue; either way, I win. I either get an obedient kitten, or I get to watch you suffer so beautifully.” Kiaran laughed and leaned forward, nipping the sensitive skin on Halsin’s neck again and making him gasp.

“Now that that’s settled,” Kiaran announced, pulling back. “It is time for me to claim you properly.” He used one hand to guide himself in, eyes drifting closed, and giving a soft groan as his cock was enveloped by tight, wet heat. “Hells, you feel divine, kitten.”

Halsin growled, thrashing against the restraints to try to force Kiaran out. Predictably, this only had the effect of tightening those enchanted clamps, and it made him cry out in pain. “Agh- let me- stop this!” He cried, trying to kick the restraints loose. Tears filled his eyes- the sharpness of the clamps, Kiaran was sure, but he decided to take advantage of the opportunity they presented.

“Oh, my poor little kitten,” he crooned, leaning forward to softly kiss the tears from Halsin’s cheeks as they slid down. “Get used to it, pet. You belong to me now. And soon, the hardest part of this will be the hours when you have to go without a cock to keep you full and satisfied. The times when you beg for your greedy cunt to be filled, and are denied even your own fingers.” He thrust in harder, deeper. “You’ll hardly be able to even forgive yourself for ever trying to deny yourself my cock, let alone denying your true purpose. You’ll learn, kitten.”

Halsin bit his lip, but couldn’t hold back a moan at Kiaran’s whispered, filthy words. He clenched the sheets in his hands, breathing hard. “Y-You shall not break me, Ranger,” he said through gritted teeth.

Kiaran smiled. “Oh, believe me, my part in this shall be minimal. You’re the one who will have to answer to those instincts you insist on denying. You talk so much about being beholden to instinct, to nature, and yet you would deny your true self for your own pride?” He shook his head in disappointment. “It shall not last forever, kitten. Sooner or later, you will be crawling into my lap and begging for my collar, so that everyone can see what you truly are.”

Halsin shuddered hard, and Kiaran took the chance to fuck harder into him. He felt Halsin clench around his cock, like he was trying to hold it in place, and Kiaran chuckled. “Unfortunately for you, collars are only for very, very good kittens. The kind you were being before you started this foolish rebellion.” He rocked his hips forward, making Halsin yell.

“I d-don’t- ohhh- want a- a-” he tried to say, but by now Kiaran’s thrusts were slamming into his G-spot forcefully, and he was trembling under Kiaran, fighting with himself not to arch his back. Precum leaked out from his cock, his legs trembling. “Please, stop! Y-You’ve- whatever you’re trying to do, you already made your p-”

Kiaran looked down at him for a moment, just a moment, to gather his courage. Then he leaned forward, mouth against Halsin’s ear. “And why would I waste the perfectly good opportunity your god has gifted me?” He whispered. “Why would I let you decide? Pets don’t get to say no.” He slammed his hips forward.

“Please!” The tears streamed down Halsin’s face faster. “It- it hurts, Sir, please!”

Kiaran stopped for just a moment, looking carefully at Halsin’s face. Then a smirk formed, and he thrust again, angling for Halsin’s G-spot again. “Are you testing me, kitten? Looking for weaknesses to exploit?” He demanded. “Try faking such a thing again and you’ll regret it. You aren’t going to stop me from enjoying your body, no matter what lies or pleas you throw at me.” He bit Halsin’s neck again, until Halsin once again thrashed and made the clamps tighten more, earning a cry. Kiaran didn’t let up until the resistance made the clamps tighten to the point that tears of pain slid down Halsin’s face, and then Kiaran tilted his chin up. “Now, have you worked through this foolish need to test my limits and exhaust the mercy I am showing you? Answer with words, kitten,” he barked.

Halsin whimpered, closing his eyes. “Y-Yes. Yes Sir,” he managed to say between gulping breaths.

“Good kitten.” Kiaran’s face softened, and he leaned forward to kiss Halsin’s forehead. “The sweet pet I had been training may reemerge yet.”

“I am still not your- a-ahh-” Halsin started to say, only to be cut off as Kiaran resumed his thrusts.

“Is that so?” Kiaran asked, breathless, clearly close to the edge as he groaned with each thrust. His body felt alive, every breath coming in pants, his muscles shivering in ecstasy. “Say it again, kitten, so I can be absolutely sure you meant it.”

Halsin growled. “I am not your kitten!” He managed to gasp out between the moans Kiaran drew from him.

“Mm. In that case… just remember, pet, you asked for this. Only good kittens get to enjoy the privileges you have so far.” Kiaran slowed down a tiny bit.

Halsin exhaled, legs still shaking. His core throbbed with need, his clit aching with the need to be touched, and for just a moment the unmet need wrestled with his dignity. He closed his eyes to try to focus, to decide which need was greater.

But it truly was just for a moment, because before he could gather a single thought, he heard Kiaran let out a deep groan above him, and then, without warning warm cum landed on Halsin’s face. With a gasp, he opened his eyes, and stared in shock at Kiaran.

“Only good pets get to feel their owner come inside them,” Kiaran panted, holding onto Halsin’s shoulders for support. “Bad kittens have to get dirty instead.”

Halsin’s face burned with arousal and humiliation. “How dare you-”

“Nah-ah. Let’s not say anything we’ll regret,” Kiaran cautioned, pressing a finger to Halsin’s lips, and chuckling when Halsin tried to bite it instead. “Nippy little thing.” He gathered up some of his cum from Halsin’s face and onto two of his fingers, and worked them into his mouth instead. “If you need something to do with your mouth, pet, try swallowing that.” The blush grew deeper, making him chuckle. “Do you want to come now?” He stroked Halsin’s clit, earning a groan. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Not… if it means… calling myself yours, or letting you touch me,” Halsin panted, swallowing Kiaran’s cum. “I’d rather I never… be allowed again.”

Kiaran considered it. “Does that mean you don’t want to come at all?”

“I- no. No, I do not.” His heart pounded and another deep ache pulsed through his core as he said it. He clenched his legs, trying to find what pleasure he could.

Kiaran smirked. “Then it’s a good thing your body belongs to me, and I get to decide if you cum, isn’t it?” He purred, pressing his finger to Halsin’s clit and working rough circles on it.

Halsin cried out at the stimulation, jerking upwards and making the clamps tighten unbearably. “Ohhh… Oakfather, please-”

“He isn’t here, kitten. He sent you to me for a reason,” Kiaran said lowly. “Maybe he thought you needed to relearn the natural order of things with your Beast Master’s help, or maybe he thought you were too wild. Now come.”

Halsin shook his head, tears gathering in his eyes. “No! I d-do not w-want to.”

“You didn’t want my cock inside you either, you spoiled thing, but look at you. Cunt leaking like a damaged roof all over my bedspread,” Kiaran scolded. “Your body craves me, just the same.”

“T-That- I did not want that. Or this!” Halsin protested, whimpering as Kiaran’s finger pressed harder as punishment. His legs shook so hard he feared he wouldn’t be able to walk for hours. “P-Please-”

That finally got Kiaran’s interest, and he leaned forward. “Please what, kitten? What do you need?”

Halsin gulped in more air, trembling under him. “P-Please… have mercy, Sir,” he choked out. “Please do not make me s-spend.”

Kiaran laughed. “Oh, but I am being merciful. It would be cruel of me indeed to be complicit in you denying your body what it needs,” he said. “I take good care of my pets, even when they fight me every step of the way.” Halsin groaned, but he kept fighting it, and Kiaran could see the effort on his face. Kiaran sighed. “What a brat you are,” he sighed, shaking his head. “But you will learn who truly owns your body. Pets always do in the end.”

Kiaran’s finger moved again. But this time, it was joined by his other hand working Halsin’s cock at a similar rhythm, but out of sync, so that his nerves constantly felt alight at stimulation from either part of him. Halsin threw his head back, yelled in pleasure, and knew that no matter how he fought it, Kiaran was seconds away from forcing an orgasm out of him.

“Please… Sir, please, don’t…” He managed to whimper, staring up at Kiaran’s impassive face.

In response, Kiaran flicked his wrist around the head of his cock. “You beg like this is a discussion. It is not. You will come, this instant, whether you like it or not, or suffer the consequences.”

With a sob, Halsin came hard, body trembling and arching under Kiaran.

“Shh, shh. Just enjoy it, kitten, that’s it. Your Beast Master is still here,” Kiaran soothed, reaching one hand up to cup Halsin’s cheek. “You’re still my sweet, adorable little pet, even if you insist on misbehaving. You’re still mine, and that will never change.” He stroked Halsin’s hair. “And there is nothing, no amount of denial or misbehaving, that will make me give up on you, sweet thing.”

Halsin shivered. “You- you cannot just- just capture any wild being your heart and loins desire!”

“I can, and I did. If your freedom was so important to you, you would have been acting the strong bear you claim to be, instead of the mewling kitten we both know is at your heart,” Kiaran said, kissing the soft lips under him. “But instead, you all but offered yourself up to me; of course I simply claimed what was already mine. Now, no more tears, and no more protests. They waste your energy, energy that could be better used serving me.”

Halsin blinked up at him, opened his mouth, and then closed it. Like his brain was too blissed out to formulate a proper retort.

Kiaran smiled, and kissed him again. “My good boy. We will have you tamed in no time,” he murmured, moving so that he could untie Halsin’s legs. He sat down on the bed, and patted his lap. “I meant what I said about you being welcome to crawl to me for your pettings, little one. Just as soon as you’re ready to cease this foolish battle you’re waging against your own nature.”

Halsin looked from the bed to Kiaran’s lap. And then, silent, head bowed submissively, he crawled over and settled himself in as best he could, head resting on Kiaran’s thigh. Kiaran murmured wordless praise to him, his hands gently massaging his back, his shoulders, and then stroking his face. “Good boy,” he murmured. “You took it so well. Next time, you’ll be able to take it even better.”

“… Yes, Sir,” Halsin whispered against him, shivering a bit. “I will try, for you.”

“Good boy.” With that, Kiaran decided it was time to start easing Halsin out of this role, and his voice turned softer. “Very, very good. I am so very proud of you, sweet love.” He kissed Halsin softly, and heard a little sigh, though no words yet.

“You did so well,” Kiaran whispered again. “Are you alright, my sweet honey bear? I didn't hurt or frighten you?”

Halsin blinked for a moment- just a moment- as he moved between headspaces as rapidly as he could, a bit jolted by the change. “No. I am fine, my love,” he murmured, shifting his head and letting out a sigh as Kiaran’s fingers worked at his scalp, scratching and massaging.

“Just fine?” Kiaran picked up on the word choice, and his face filled with worry. “Did part of this… not work, my love?”

Halsin shook his head. “No, that is not it. I am… Forgive me.” He again shook his head, like he was trying to clear it. “I am rather overwhelmed. It was good, but very, very intense, and I…” He looked down at his arms, which were still trembling. “I am rather… ah…”

“Keyed up?” Kiaran suggested, face still worried. “Love, why didn’t you use your code word- I mean, I don't want to blame you, that is not what I mean, but-”

“It was not too much,” Halsin stated again. “I assure you. I feel… something like what we do after an intense battle. Elated, but very…” He searched for the words. “Fragile, perhaps?”

“Vulnerable?” Kiaran supplied. “Well, that is normal, I think. You must have a lot of adrenaline in your system after a fight, but it’s natural to be scared too, no matter how much you enjoyed it, I think.” He stroked Halsin’s forehead. “Was there anything in particular making you feel this way?”

Halsin shook his head. Then he shrugged a bit, frowning. “It was not unwelcome; I enjoyed it. But being forced to climax, more than the rest of what we did, was…” He paused. “As I said: it was enjoyable, but intense nonetheless. It was similarly conflicting when you, ah…” He gestured to his face, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “Degraded me like so.”

“I see.” Kiaran nodded, stroking his hands up and down Halsin’s sides, like he wanted to cover every inch of him in soothing touches. “Thank you for telling me, my love. What parts did you definitely like, not in an overwhelmed way?” Maybe talking about those would help ease the adrenaline rush.

Halsin smiled, and answered without hesitation. “I loved being called your kitten and being told it was who I really was, even though we both know otherwise. And despite the intensity, I loved you claiming ownership of my body. The… way you said it, as though it simply was… it was oddly comforting.”

“Comforting, hmm?” Kiaran pondered that as he looked down at the other. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.” He stroked Halsin’s forehead with his thumb. “What are you feeling now, my sweet honey bear?”

Halsin thought. He was still struggling, Kiaran could see, but now he recognized it wasn’t true fear or being upset. Nothing had gone wrong; it was just a lot for him to process. “Keyed-up, as you said. But also loved, and safe.” A pause. Halsin looked up at Kiaran with vulnerability in his eyes. “… Could we move? I would like to be held, if you would be comfortable.”

“You want me to hold you? Oh, love. Of course I will. Come here,” Kiaran said at once, heart swelling with affection. He shifted to lie down, and Halsin shakily climbed into his arms, resting his forehead against Kiaran’s. “Is that better, sweetheart?”

“Yes. Much better.” Halsin exhaled, and closed his eyes for a long moment, leaning closer.

Halsin didn’t say anything for a long while, and Kiaran decided to let him have a few minutes of quiet. He murmured soft reassurances- “I’m here, my love, you did so well, I promise you’re safe-” but didn’t ask anything more of him. He instead watched the shakes die down, and Halsin’s breathing even out, until Halsin finally opened his eyes again.

“And how are you feeling, my heart?” His hand cupped Kiaran’s cheek, and Kiaran smiled, instantly recognizing the moment Halsin returned to himself. 

“Me? I am…” Kiaran was quiet for a moment. “Worried about you. Very worried, even though I know you are alright. And I am having something of an adrenaline crash myself. But I feel great.” He kissed Halsin’s forehead and gave a rueful smile. “I think you might have to wait a few minutes before I can get you any water, love; my legs feel like an ooze creature right now. I didn't realize how worked up I was getting myself, until now.”

“You were busy taking care of me.” Halsin smiled a little and kissed Kiaran’s lips softly. “Do not worry. We will manage, and we will consider this a lesson learned to have what we need ready beforehand, next time.”

“Next time?” Kiaran repeated, the question clear in his voice.

Halsin inhaled, and kissed Kiaran again. “Next time,” he affirmed. “I enjoyed it very much, despite- or maybe because of- the intensity.” He frowned; it was his turn to worry now. “You enjoyed it too, yes? You are not… just saying you did for my sake?”

“No. If anything, I worried you might, well, do that for me.” On some level, Kiaran had worried it would be too real. That Halsin would forget he could actually say no. “I enjoyed it. I of course would not want this to be how we do this every time we are together, but sometimes is perfect.”

“I agree.” Halsin wrapped his shaky arms around Kiaran, and sighed happily, closing his eyes again. “… May I ask you something?”

Kiaran nodded, playing with Halsin’s hair. “Of course, my oak.”

“I was-” He cleared his throat, his face flushing again. “A collar. You mentioned a collar.”

“… Oh.” Kiaran blinked. Not for a single second had he expected Halsin to actually want one, but it was a very welcome surprise. “If- if that is what you want to have when we do this,” he stumbled a bit, trying not to betray too much of the excitement that statement made him feel, “it can certainly be arranged. Why don’t you think about what you might want it to look like?” He smiled, cupping Halsin’s cheeks to kiss his lips. He chose not to ask if he’d had experience with them before, or if it was something new for him.

“Very well.” Halsin leaned against Kiaran, and closed his eyes, looking suddenly exhausted. “If you could wake me when you are able to get us some water?…”

“Of course, my love. Get some rest. You’ve more than earned it,” Kiaran whispered, tucking the blanket around Halsin’s shoulders. “I’ll try to force my legs to solidify in an hour or so.” He played with Halsin’s hair, and they both smiled softly as a sleepy, comfortable silence fell.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure about this, love?”

From where he sat on his knees, Halsin looked up at the collar in Kiaran’s hands, feeling his heartbeat quicken. “Yes,” he murmured, nodding. He didn’t dare say that in that moment, he wanted it so badly he almost feared he might reach out and grab the collar himself if Kiaran didn’t give it to him soon.

Kiaran knelt next to Halsin and stroked his hair. “Do you mind, first, if I ask you why you want this so? What about a collar, specifically, is comforting?” They hadn’t talked about the collar much since their last session, though Kiaran had made it clear he would be getting it made in any case. Now that it was here, though, the time to discuss it had come at last.

Halsin thought for a while. “The weight of it, for one,” he started, reaching out to touch the soft leather. “And the way it will make me feel more like your pet when we play. It might help me control the bear better later, when we allow it to return for our games. And it makes me feel…” He looked away, trailing off.

“Feel…” Kiaran prompted gently.

Halsin inhaled. He looked around for something he could do with his hands to alleviate his nervousness, and Kiaran, sensing the problem, handed him his whittling tools and scrap wood. Smiling faintly, Halsin adjusted his position to sit, and Kiaran joined him, watching as Halsin carved a design he was practicing into the scrap. “It…” He began, thinking for a moment. “It was, when I was in the Underdark, one of the aspects I enjoyed the most.”  He looked up, scanning Kiaran’s face for any sign of judgment. His mind knew he would find none, but his heart still worried each time, not having fully received the message that his brain already knew. But as always, no judgment appeared, and gods, did that make gratitude swell up in Halsin’s heart. To be able to speak frankly about the parts of being enslaved that he’d actually enjoyed without having his sanity called into question was a gift. But then… he supposed Kiaran, with the Urge he’d had to fight so hard, would be the last one to judge that sort of thing.

The calm reaction settled Halsin’s nerves. As much as he trusted Kiaran, his doubts hadn’t entirely vanished either, and he truly did need those reminders sometimes. He cleared his throat, and continued, “I suppose it meant safety, though not in a way that makes sense unless you experienced it yourself. The collar marked me as belonging to a house that treated me badly, but they did not treat me nearly as badly as other noble houses would have. Other houses would have sent me to work in mines, or killed me on the spot, or worse- killed me slowly. My collar…” He swallowed hard. “It marked me as having a position of privilege, though I know it is hard to see it as such. It is rare,” he inhaled sharply, “for Drow houses to have designated..." A pause. Kiaran could see the fight within Halsin to say the word out loud, to let the sugar coating he always used dissolve. "Sex slaves. If they want sex from a slave, they will take it after they complete their other duties. For me to be designated only for sex was…” He searched for the right words. “A status symbol that made most of the others immensely jealous of me. The few times I came in contact with the others, they made it very clear they did not think I was deserving of such preferential treatment.” He sighed, gazing down into his lap as he watched his knife glide through the wood. “They hated me, and for good reason. I cannot fault them, even if it hurt to be alone even amongst slaves.”

Kiaran made a protesting noise in his throat, but Halsin shook his head and held up a finger to quiet him. “It is true. I cannot say I would have felt otherwise were I in their shoes,” he said. “I was their favored slave. Even the worst parts I relayed to you were positively doting in comparison to what the others faced on a daily basis. Think of it like Wyll and Mizora- her transformation of him, the horns, were terrible, and yet lenient in comparison to what a warlock could normally expect in retribution for defying their devil patron.”

“But you don’t expect gratitude from Wyll. You never did,” Kiaran pointed out. There was something in his voice, something pained and angry on Halsin’s behalf, but suppressed carefully, that made Halsin avoid looking up.

“No. No, I do not,” Halsin acknowledged. The sounds of his knife cutting a piece of scrap filled the air. “I feel sympathy for how he was treated, and for his years of loneliness. I am happy he broke free of her pact, the way one roots for a fly that escapes a spiderweb. I do not expect gratitude of him; I would never. Yet, if he were to express it on his own, I would still understand it.” He brushed some wood shavings off of his leg. “There is something particularly conflicting about being a fly who was shown mercy by the spider. You are grateful to have escaped the web uneaten, and yet… No one enjoys being caught in a web, of course, and it leaves scars.” He sighed, shaking his head. “But the collar was a mark of the spider’s rare mercy all the same, and I cannot help but remember how much I clung to it then. I would fall asleep terrified I would never wake, and only by touching it was I able to ward off nightmares of being tortured to death. And now, with you, this collar will mean something new entirely.” He swallowed hard.

“And what does it mean to you now, my sweet honey bear?” Kiaran asked softly, an audible, sympathetic twinge in his voice for what his partner had endured. He stroked Halsin’s hair, tucked it behind his ears, and kissed Halsin’s forehead. Halsin gave a tiny smile, but still did not look up, let alone meet Kiaran’s eyes.

Halsin leaned into the kiss instead, and searched for the words. “It means protection, but not from yourself, the way my collar from them marked me as safe from their own whimsies. It means… that I am yours, and if I am yours, I cannot be theirs ever again.” He winced as he said the words out loud. “Please, do not think I- I am not-“

“Shh,” Kiaran soothed, wrapping his arms around Halsin. “It is alright. I understand what you mean. We all have things that make us feel safer. This one does not upset me any more than what we have already done. And I know you do not truly see yourself as my property. It is just part of the game.”

“Yes,” Halsin said, shoulders slumping in relief. He returned the hug, inhaling deeply. There it was again; the awareness, equal parts terrifying and reassuring, that Kiaran understood him better than anyone. Even Halsin himself, probably. He rested his forehead against Kiaran’s, and moved his hands up to cup his cheeks, kissing him softly. “You promise it does not repulse you?”

“Repulse? Never,” Kiaran said almost before Halsin stopped speaking. “I suppose it does make me feel- well, I wish I could take it all away, is all. I always feel that way, but I hate to know you’ve been in so much pain and there is so little I can do.”

Halsin shook his head. “You are helping, my love. The wounds may not heal entirely, but with you, I am closer than I ever have been. Words are not sufficient to describe how much better I’ve felt with your aid, your company.”

“I can see it myself, so I need no words,” Kiaran murmured, stroking Halsin’s back and making him sigh softly. “I see it when we play, but outside of those times, too. You look more comfortable with yourself than I have ever seen you.”

Halsin gave a soft smile, and let his eyes drift closed, like he was seeing happy memories. “I feel more comfortable than I ever have been. And I have you to thank for it.” After a long, silent minute, his eyes opened again. “Are you still alright with doing this? If you are not comfortable with me having the collar any longer, now that you know my reasons, I shall not be upset.”

“I know you would not be, sweetheart,” Kiaran said softly. “But you need not worry. So long as you are comfortable, I have no issues with doing whatever I can to help you. So long as you think it would not remind you too strongly of the Underdark, then I am happy to do whatever you wish.” He kissed Halsin’s cheek.

And then he pulled back, just a little, and this time, it was his turn to take Halsin’s face in his hands. “I want you to remember something. Every minute of every day, if you can.” His voice was so soft, and yet so serious, that it instantly jolted Halsin, who swallowed hard as he nodded. “You are my entire world, Halsin. You are the reason I decided the world was a place worth saving instead of destroying. You are the reason I now have hopes and dreams, the reason I know what love feels like, and the reason I have a future. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died as Bhaal’s slave, and I would have thanked him for it when I plunged a knife into my belly as the last person alive. You have given me everything I cherish now. You have, as long as I have known you, always been,” he spoke a little slower, trying to phrase it carefully, “so deeply uncomfortable when you are praised; you are infuriatingly modest sometimes, especially considering how you once scolded me for not seeing ‘just how extraordinary I was’. And that is why I never said it plainly before now. But I think, now, that you need to hear it, even if it makes you want to take the form of a mouse and hide, as hearing such things always does.”

“You know me all too well,” was all Halsin was able to say at that point, his heart beating hard and fast in his chest. They both laughed quietly.

“I need you to hear it,” Kiaran said again, stroking Halsin’s cheek with one finger, “because I need you to know that I am here to stay, Halsin. I did not leave when you accidentally wildshaped our first night together, and I shall not leave just because you find this,” he picked up the leather collar, placed it on Halsin’s neck, and began to adjust it, “soothing. If it does make you feel safe, then I shall be pleased, and I can only hope it will be one more drop in the bucket against the debt I owe you for giving me a life of my own. I can never repay it in full, but,” he kissed Halsin’s forehead, “if making you my kitten continues to bring you this much joy, then I shall be satisfied. I hope it continues to do so for a long time yet, as it shall for me. This will never go away unless you want it to. I will never go away unless you want me to.”

Halsin’s eyes were filled with tears by that point, and Kiaran wiped them away carefully with one thumb before Halsin whispered, voice cracking, “oh, love. I- I scarcely know where to begin. Thank you. I love you so much, and you owe me nothing, do you understand me?” He pulled Kiaran into his arms, tucking his head under Halsin’s chin. “Nothing. Having you with me, and sharing my future with you, is more than enough. I could never ask anything more of you, but to keep me at your side.”

“I would never want you anywhere else.” Kiaran’s voice hitched, and the sound indicated to Halsin that perhaps he was crying too. “I cannot stand to even think about it. I am yours until the day one of us leaves this world for the Fugue Plane.”

“Yes,” Halsin whispered, swallowing. “As I am yours until the same day.”

It took a long while after that for the pair to compose themselves again, but when they finally did so, Kiaran started to adjust Halsin’s collar again. He slid two fingers underneath, testing the snugness, and then nodded, satisfied. “How does that feel, sweetheart?”

“Safe,” Halsin answered immediately, a soft smile on his face. “Perfect. Like it belongs.” He stroked over it, feeling the tiny bumps on the leather, and nodded to himself. “It is perfect.”

Kiaran leaned forward and kissed Halsin’s forehead. “Sweet little thing,” he whispered. He pulled back, eying him carefully. “Are you ready? Or do you need a bit longer?”

Halsin smiled a little, wiping at his eyes, which were still wet and red. “I am alrigh- oh, do we have the food and water set out?”

Kiaran chuckled. “Already taken care of. A hard-learned lesson.”

“Indeed.” Halsin smiled a little, and felt inside himself. It was still hard, finding only emptiness where there should be bear, even if it was just a temporary measure. Even the bear’s fury the previous time- and, he expected, the fury that awaited when this time finished- was welcome after its absence. “I am ready when you are, love.”

“And you’re sure everything we talked about is alright?” Kiaran kissed Halsin’s forehead. “It is going to be intense- I know you know, but I have to reiterate that fact. You’re sure what we discussed will not be too much?”

“I am certain.” Halsin leaned against Kiaran’s lips with a faint smile, and a shiver of anticipation. “I trust you fully. Including the instincts we will be allowing a chance to surface. You have needed to tend them just as much as I have needed my bear.”

Something inside Kiaran quivered in delight, and he kissed Halsin’s lips roughly. “Gods, you are perfect. I promise I shall not let them run too wild.”

Halsin gave a smile, relaxed and eager, far more confident this time than the last despite how much more intense it would be. They were both ready for this. “I trust you fully, my heart. If we need to stop, we have our words.”

Kiaran surged forward to kiss Halsin again, groaning happily into his mouth. Pulling back, he smoothed the hair away from Halsin’s forehead, kissed it, and whispered, “Just one more thing: you know I love you, right?”

Halsin smiled, nodding back, thinking back on everything that had been said and done in the last few minutes. He could never doubt it, even for a second. “Of course I do."

“Good. Because I am about to fuck you like I don’t.” With a growl, Kiaran tugged hard on Halsin’s collar. “Now get on the bed, kitten.”

Halsin shuddered. “Y-Yes sir,” he gasped out, clambering to the bed. He instantly dropped to his hands and knees on the bedspread, breathing hard.

With no warning at all, the back of a wooden hairbrush came down on his backside. Halsin gasped into the pillow, but the second blow came just as fast as the first. He moaned openly, slumping forward. “O-oh! What are you doing? You cannot just-” His words cut off into another groan as a strike landed hard.

“You know as well as I do that I can and will, brat,” Kiaran snapped, reaching around Halsin’s hip to squeeze his cock. Halsin whimpered as it grew painfully tight. “You are mine. I tired of repeating myself. You are not a wild beast- you are a kitten, and more to the point, you are my kitten. What I say goes.” More blows rained down.

Halsin grit his teeth, fighting to keep his cries quiet when the brush collided with his ass again. “Ah! I- you-” The blows kept coming, seemingly endless, until he was near sobbing. The tears streamed down his face, breaths filled with groans.

Kiaran tugged his hair hard before letting him go. He walked over, eying him from multiple angles with a stormy expression. “On your back,” he finally ordered. “Now.”

Halsin complied, shivering as he looked up at Kiaran. “Sir, I don’t understand. I did what you asked of me; I did not argue.”

“You didn’t argue out loud, but you still did inside; you still believe you are your own, not mine,” Kiaran said, scowling. “You’ve left me no choice but to claim you, so there can be no doubt.”

“Sir, please. You know I- that is not necessary,” Halsin protested, shuddering. “I will not contradict you again, I swear it.”

Kiaran slapped Halsin’s thigh, earning a sharp cry. “If you knew you were mine, kitten, you would not be trying to escape your punishment. You would know instinctively it is my prerogative to punish you for any reason or no reason at all.” Kiaran slapped Halsin’s wet cunt, making him cry out. “Even wearing my collar, you deny what you are. You are pathetic. But you are not hopeless, and I can train you yet.” He pulled out the ropes from before, and set to work tying Halsin’s legs again.

“Sir, please! You do not need to bind me like so,” Halsin protested, struggling against the ropes. “I will be good, I promise.”

“You had every chance, pet,” Kiaran said lowly. “Every chance to submit properly, and you refused. You leave me with only one choice. You can cry and curse me in your mind, you can call me cruel, but,” he tilted Halsin’s chin up, “you know as well as I do that you have brought this on yourself. Maybe after this you will finally see how much more you like being my spoiled kitten, instead of the failed, feral beast you cling to.” Shaking his head, he leaned over, and pulled out his two shortswords. He tapped one, still sheathed, against Halsin’s inner thigh. “Perhaps I have been doing this wrong, putting your submission in the wrong terms. I should have known better as a Beast Master, but I shall amend that now. What happens when a predator corners a tiny, defenseless animal- a little kitten like you? Speak.”

Halsin swallowed hard. “They… kill them,” he said, shivering in fear. “Sir, please, I will-”

“I think,” Kiaran said, ignoring the plea, “that you have gotten too comfortable, knowing how much I care for you. I think you need a reminder of how cruel your precious nature is when you don’t take the form of an apex predator. You need a taste of claws, and I may not be able to wildshape, but I can certainly mimic those claws for you.” He unsheathed one sword, and tapped the flat side against the same spot as before.

“Sir. Sir, please,” Halsin begged, shrinking back as best he could with the ropes holding him in place. “This is not necessary. I promise, I will be good! I will be your kitten, I swear. I will be perfect. I will do everything you ask.”

“Poor little kitten. Save your strength, sweet thing, you’ll need it before long,” Kiaran murmured. He moved his unsheathed sword from Halsin’s thigh. He untied Halsin’s collar and pulled it off so he could instead press the blade to his neck, letting the sharp edge just barely press against his throat. “Let us make this easier on both of us, hmm? No more begging, unless it is for your owner’s cock. The sooner I complete your lesson, the sooner I can begin to spoil you to my heart’s content, like you are meant to be. You will be so pampered that this will feel like a bad dream- as soon as you stop fighting what we both know to be your true nature. Do you agree?” He pulled the blade a hair’s breadth back, eying the tiny dots of red on Halsin’s neck. “Nod if this is acceptable to you. If not, I shall simply assume you wish me to deem you incorrigible, and treat you accordingly.”

Halsin nodded frantically, skin barely grazing the blade’s edge. “I will be a very good pet for you, sir. You,” he shivered, “you’ll never- never need to correct me again.”

“I don’t doubt it, little kitten. Do not be afraid; so long as you comply now, all shall be forgiven. I would be a very cruel owner indeed to hold a grudge against a mere pet for behavior already corrected,” Kiaran cooed. He pulled the knife back, and leaned forward to kiss Halsin’s forehead.

“Yes, Sir,” Halsin whispered. He tilted his neck slightly- discomfort? Or…

“Show me your neck, cute thing.” Kiaran waited, and then he leaned forward, sinking his teeth into the side of Halsin’s neck. He waited until a pained yet delighted groan filled his ears, and then unlatched from the spot, pulling back to admire his handiwork. “Mm. I think that will bruise nicely. Too bad your pretty collar will cover it up,” he lamented, tying the leather back into place. “Now, stay still and take your punishment with the grace I know you are capable of.”

“Yes, Sir.” Halsin still sounded breathless, and his cock twitched against the open air.

Kiaran chuckled, pretending not to notice, and slid between Halsin’s thighs. Using the drawn sword, he began to slice slow, jagged stripes across the left inner thigh. “These,” he breathed, ignoring Halsin’s pained breathing and barely suppressed groans, “are reminders of what an animal would do to you. Claws and teeth.” He lowered himself until he could lap at the rivulets of blood flowing from the cuts. He moaned in delight, the iron taste dancing on his tongue, finer than any wine. His Urge may have left him, but some of his tastes still remained his own.

“An animal,” he returned the blade to the same thigh, and made a rougher cut, earning a cry, “would not make the effort to be careful, to make little cuts that could be healed with minimal scarring to your gorgeous skin. They would rip and tear and strip you to the bone unless you escaped. I’m sure you killed many in your hunts, though always a boring, quick-and-painless snap to the neck, I’m sure.” He sliced again and again to drive the message home, each time letting his tongue dart forward to taste the rich, decadent blood.

Kiaran leaned back and sighed. “But a house-kitten need not be subject to that,” he continued, gathering up a streak of blood on his finger and then sucking it into his mouth. “A kitten like you can experience far gentler treatment.” He pressed his knife to Halsin’s other thigh, savoring the sounds of Halsin’s groans and heavy breathing, the sight of Halsin’s cunt pulsing slick against the sheets.

Picking up his other, sheathed sword, he turned it so the hilt faced Halsin. Then, with no warning or preparation, he pushed that hilt deep into Halsin’s cunt. Halsin yelled, throwing his head back. He thrashed wildly as Kiaran began to fuck him with it with, rough and fast and careless- and Halsin grew even more frantic once Kiaran used both hands for the task. “Wild animals wouldn’t let you cum like this, yet you insist you would rather be one? You do not belong to nature. Your precious nature cannot take care of you a fraction as well as I can.” He aimed a thrust at just the right angle to make Halsin scream again, his toes curling in delight. “Nature doesn’t know how to take you apart and make you scream like this. Nature cannot spoil you and make you the truest version of yourself. In nature, you would be forced to hunt or be hunted. With me, you do not have to do either. You do not have to fight for anything but your Beast Master’s attention.” He thrust the hilt again and again, until with a wail of ecstasy the kitten tried very hard to make sound like anything but, he watched Halsin shudder violently and come hard.

Kiaran paid it no mind, though he did stop thrusting the sword- without bothering to remove it. He pretended not to notice the way the other clenched around it, though Kiaran’s cock strained against his pants, and it took every ounce of self-restraint he had not to yank them off and fuck Halsin until neither of them were capable of walking. “Deny it all you like, kitten. Your body knows the truth and cannot be fooled. It knows you belong to me. See how your slutty little hole opens up for my sword the way a cat in heat begs to be mounted.” He thrust the hilt with one hand while he gathered his unsheathed sword in his other hand.

“This is what happens when a good kitten lets their Beast Master care for them,” he said, pressing the blade to Halsin’s unbloodied thigh. He began to gently, delicately cut, barely breaking the skin, but still earning a little whimper that was more fear than pain. He paused, glaring down at his pet. “The next time you try to deny what you are, I suggest you remember this moment- and what those pathetic little cries sound like. Because that is certainly not the noise a bear would make when getting a little love-bite from a blade. It is the pathetic whimpering a helpless kitten makes when trying to latch onto their mother’s teat.” Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to the blade, and his very carefully, deliberately cut letter K in Halsin’s thigh. Pulling back, he admired his handiwork with a hum, not bothering to lick at this wound, though he did gather up the blood that dribbled down past it. He looked down at Halsin with an approving groan. “Gods. You truly are perfect, kitten. Even with all that pitiful whining, you still took your punishment very well.”

“That- that was all my punishment was, Sir?” Halsin sounded relieved. Like he couldn’t believe his luck.

Kiaran chuckled, licking a drop of blood off his lips. “Not entirely. That was the main part. Though this will hardly seem a punishment at all if you’ve learned your lesson well enough.”

“S-Sir?” Halsin swallowed hard.

Kiaran tilted Halsin’s chin up with the sword, though the threat was much less with the leather collar protecting him. “You are not to speak until told otherwise. Instead, little kitten, you will behave properly and meow for me. Am I understood?”

Halsin swallowed and nodded, his face instantly flushing. Kiaran tsked, using the blade to make Halsin turn his head. “Apparently I did not make myself clear. Meow for me, kitten, or I shall assume you need to be taught the lesson again, and we shall start all over as many times as necessary to impart the knowledge on you.”

“Meow.” Halsin’s blush deepened as he forced out the barely audible sound.

“Come, now, we can do better than that.” Kiaran pursed his lips, and returned the blade to Halsin’s thigh, near where he had carved the K. He jabbed the tip of his blade into the fleshy spot, but not hard enough to seriously injure him.

Halsin let out a tiny sound of pain. “M-Mew!” He said, several octaves higher.

Kiaran beamed. “Much better. Once more.”

Halsin closed his eyes and took in a huge breath of air. “Mew!” He said, even higher pitched than the previous time, and with much more effort to do it cutely, the sound more drawn out and wavering.

“Good kitten,” Kiaran praised, stroking Halsin’s hair. “I knew you could do it.” Poor thing, Kiaran could almost feel the heat radiating off his cheeks when he began to stroke Halsin’s face instead. “Now, then. I’m going to untie you. You’re going to get on all fours, leaving the knife in your pretty cunt. If you are good, I’ll let you pleasure yourself with it once I’ve had my fill of your arse, but you’ll have to earn it. Understand?”

Halsin inhaled, about to speak, and then caught himself. “Mew!” He said, but he looked distinctly unhappy about it, his gaze flicking towards the sword hilt buried in his cunt.

“Sweet thing.” Kiaran laughed, pretending not to see or care about the kitten’s fear at being taken this way. His cock was aching with need, and he had to breathe carefully as he untied Halsin and undressed himself. He couldn’t resist the temptation to play with his cock, giving his pet a taste of what was to come, as he carefully greased it up. He didn’t bother putting any slick on his fingers- he would just have to push in slower to compensate. Watching Halsin get onto his hands and knees, Kiaran used the chance to fuck the hilt into him more, earning a low moan. “Beg, kitten.”

Halsin bit his lip, reluctant, but finally groaned, “Mewww…” as he braced himself on his arms. Kiaran allowed it, and patted his ass in a motion that would be soothing, encouraging, if not for the red welts littering his skin from the spanking before. Halsin groaned louder, hiding his face in his arms.

“My good boy. Don’t worry. Your Beast Master will give you just what you need. See how much easier this is when you stop fighting? Stop using your energy on foolish begging when we both can see how much you crave this?” Kiaran chuckled, and began to push his cock inside, groaning at the tight heat. “Gods, kitten. I won’t last like this. Are you going to be a good boy,” he thrust forward more, earning a gasp, “so I can watch you fuck your pretty cunt with my sword?”

“Mew.” The noise was strained, but the squeeze around Kiaran’s cock told him all he needed to know.

Kiaran laughed again as he slid all the way in. “It’s much cuter when you whine this way instead of trying to talk me out of it, I must say. All that crying gets tiring after a while.” He thrust in hard, aiming for Halsin’s prostate, and was rewarded with a giant shudder once he found it. He hammered into that spot, rough and careless, knowing he wouldn’t last anyway. He moaned openly, increasingly loud, squeezing Halsin’s hips to pull him back onto his cock as he thrust. “Gods, kitten, your arse is fucking heavenly.” He panted, hips slamming home and making Halsin cry out almost constantly. It took an embarrassingly short time for Kiaran to cum deep inside, grinding hips hips against Halsin and spilling an impressive spurt of cum into him. He ached to collapse on top of Halsin, but made himself pull out instead, breathing hard.

“Now, kitten, it’s time to put on a show for your Beast Master. Show me how much you like belonging to me, hmm?” He panted out, sitting in front of Halsin.

With a groan, Halsin laid on his back- impressively managing to do so without dislodging the sword and without making too much noise as his welts rubbed against the sheets- and slipped a hand down. “Mew,” he said, nervous and unsure.

“Just do it like any toy, and don’t stop until you cum. You will not touch your cock or clit. If you can’t cum from this alone after how good I’ve made you feel, you don’t deserve to cum at all,” Kiaran said sternly. “Now, get to work, or I will have to conclude you are arguing with me, and shall have to reconsider this little reward.”

With a displeased noise, Halsin parted his legs a bit wider, grasped the bottom of the hilt, and began to pleasure himself, letting out a gasp, and then a loud moan. His cheeks were flushed, eyes drifting closed as he lost himself in the sensations. His first thrusts were hesitant, halting, but then he found a rhythm that made his breath speed up and increasingly wanton moans tumble from his lips. “A- m-mew,” he moaned, catching himself, fighting hard to remember the rules even while lost in the pleasure.

“Good boy.” Kiaran nodded approvingly, committing every little motion, every sound, every inch of Halsin’s face to memory. “It must feel so good, knowing you’re marked as mine forever now. Both here,” he stroked the cuts on Halsin’s thighs, “and here,” he patted around Halsin’s clit. “No more pretending you’re not mine, no more pretending you get to decide when and how I use your holes.” Halsin’s moans grew louder, his giant, muscular legs starting to tremble, and Kiaran nodded approvingly. “Cum again for me, beautiful kitten. Let me see just how happy you are to be tamed at last.”

Halsin gave a guttural moan, back arching, heels digging into the sheets. With a few more rapid, rough thrusts- even more than even Kiaran had been, like he was trying to pummel every cell inside of him with the sword’s hilt- he brought himself to the edge. A giant shudder ran through him, and while words had been expressly prohibited, Kiaran only had to hear the first word Halsin cried to know he would certainly not be punishing him for it, even if he otherwise would have shown no mercy for rules broken in the throes of passion.

“Y-yours! Ahh- your tame kitten! Yours!”

Coming hard from both his cock and cunt, Halsin collapsed against the bed, eyes rolling back with feral pleasure. Kiaran leaned forward, took the hilt where Halsin’s hands faltered, and fucked him through it, prolonging the orgasm until the other whimpered with sensitivity. Then he kissed Halsin roughly, let his soft cock that was making every effort to harden right back up grind against Halsin’s.

“Gods. You are fucking incredible,” he gasped out, kissing him until he was sure his lips would bruise. “Perfect in every way, kitten.” He watched Halsin’s mouth open, then close, far too fucked-out to reply. Laughing, Kiaran nipped at Halsin’s lips playfully. “Poor little thing, don’t you worry your pretty head. I’ll be waiting when you remember how to speak again.” He instead settled for stroking and petting as much of Halsin’s torso as he could reach, all the while murmuring soft, praising words to him.

It was about ten minutes later when Halsin inhaled sharply and said in a hoarse voice, “you are going to be the death of me, Sir.”

The choice of address told him that he wasn’t the only one still in that strange mental space between play and their normal selves. Kiaran wasn’t quite ready to pull away any more than Halsin was, so he decided to stay a while longer, like an indulgent, comfortable cuddle under the covers after a late lie-in. “I could say the same thing to you, my sweet, adorable kitten. Who knew this was all you were needing to show your true nature?” He reached down to remove the sword from Halsin’s sore, abused cunt, and then moved to lay on top of him, and was rewarded by feeling strong, but shaky arms wrap around him. Humming, he began to stroke the other’s forehead and cheeks, letting the touch fill Kiaran’s heart with warmth and softness as he felt his eyelids grow increasingly heavier.

This time, it wasn’t lack of preparation that prevented them from hydrating and eating after their play; instead, it was their simple exhaustion. The glasses of water and plates of fruit were in the same spot they had left them when they woke up from their entirely unplanned, four-hour long nap- the nap they woke from before even realizing they’d closed their eyes. A sheepish smile appeared on their faces when they realized their mistake, and they shook their heads in shared amusement, echoing the same what-can-you-do shrug. They would remember eventually.

Chapter Text

I am sorry. Truly.

Halsin bowed his head, sitting on his own in the room he shared with Kiaran. He reached deep inside himself to find his bear, as he had done the last time the sussur had worn off. It was necessary. What I did would have hurt you, if you were there to witness it. He couldn’t keep the hint of plea out of his mental voice. The bear had been angry enough the first time.

An ursine grunt answered him. Halsin felt the bear shift its head, resting its chin on its paws. What you did hurt me anyway. You never cared about any of that- you just wanted me away from there, it accused.

I didn’t want you there, true, but this wasn’t out of anger or spite. I mean it when I say it was for all our safety, Halsin argued, taking in a sharp breath. If you became frightened, if you lashed out to protect us, it could have gotten Kiaran hurt.

I wouldn’t hurt him unless he was already harming you. The bear sounded almost wounded as it shifted again, its eyes wide and baleful. I care about him too. Do not forget that our first time coupling with him, we used my form to bond- not yours. He felt my body before he felt yours. The bear huffed.

Halsin winced, but as painful as it was to hear so bluntly, what the bear said about their first time with Kiaran was true. Still, though, he frowned at the rest of the statement. But would you have known he wasn’t in danger? He prodded. Just like me, you are prone to… confusing your memories with the present when you are frightened. There is no shame in it, but it is the truth.

You cannot tell me there is no shame in this while you send me away like so, the bear snapped. You are ashamed of me, else you would never send me away. Do not lie to me.

No. Surely you remember the night we became so frightened? Halsin protested. We tore the house apart. It is bad enough when it is just me, but both of us? We could have killed Kiaran; we could barely recognize him. And that was without him doing anything out of the ordinary. You became terrified when he and I were just doing the early stages of our game, let alone if you saw this. You are adamant that you never want to be anyone’s pet again. I will not force you to live that reality.

The bear looked away, going very, very quiet. But you do want to be a pet? After all they put us through?

That terrible feeling rose up in Halsin again. He knew the bear would not take it well, especially as his game with Kiaran had happened more than once, but the foreknowledge didn’t make it hurt any less. For there it was, plain and simple to see: his selfish, foolish desire to be something else had hurt the bear who had protected him for centuries, and just as bad, if not worse, the bear was disgusted at this.

I, Halsin managed to say, I know you can’t understand it. You are the strongest part of me, and… of course you would never be anything else but that willingly. But I am not as strong as you, and… You can feel it, can’t you? The new presence growing. It is as much a part of us as you or I. Even if I wanted to stop, I don’t think I could- and I don’t want it to, not anymore. I do not think I could stop without damaging something inside of me.

The bear frowned. It sniffed the air, sniffed Halsin, as though looking for something. And sure enough, it found the tiny, pampered pet, the kitten that loved to be taken care of, that loved being called cute and sweet, that let itself be loved and stroked and protected.

That thing is not a part of you, the bear protested, looking rather insulted. I will not share with a weak thing like that. Protecting you is one thing, but that? It is a mockery.

Halsin bit his lip. Kittens are just as much a part of nature as a wood elf or a cave bear, he said quietly. And it is a part of me now, just as you are. You two need not fight. You bring balance together- you bring harmony to my thinking.

You call for my harmony now, but how long will it be until you hide me in favor of that spoiled pet even outside of mating? The bear snapped, its teeth bared.

The kitten does not stay with me at all times. When I need to be strong, the kitten leaves. And when I need to be weak… A sad smile, and then a sigh when the bear didn’t answer. When I need to be weak, you can rest. But it need not be by force. I would like if I did not need to send you away every time. I would like if we could find balance.

The bear shook its head, the anger melting into hurt. The things they did to us, the bear started, hiding its face under its paws in agitation.

But then it trailed off. Its face crumbled, the memories far too raw even after all this time, and it glanced up again, looking resigned. … If you truly must subject yourself to it again… then I suppose I can’t stop you. Its face twisted with pain. But I will not be present when it happens. Not even if you need me. I hope your judgment, in trusting him, is better than it was the day we explored a field of mushrooms outside Menzoberranzan.

Halsin’s face twisted as well, the sympathy an ache in his gut. I have learned much since then. Kiaran would never hurt us.

So you say, yet what did I see when you let me come back? Marks carved in your skin by his own blades! The bear cried.

They were part of the game we were playing. I not only consented- I asked. And the wounds were healed with a potion as soon as we realized the sussur had worn off, Halsin soothed. I know you love him just as much as I do… truly, you must know he didn’t mean it? That he would only inflict wounds like that as part of a game?

With a pained burr, the bear closed its eyes. And what if you’re wrong? What if he has a cage waiting for you and the kitten as soon as your guard is lowered?

Biting his lip, Halsin looked away. He doesn’t have one; he would never. I know it’s hard… but you simply must trust me on this. Let me show you. Closing his eyes, Halsin opened his heart up to the bear, showing it who he knew Kiaran to be. He showed the bear love and fear, pain and joy, hope and despair, all experienced at Kiaran’s side. All Kiaran had fought against just to be at their side, including rejecting his own god- his father. Surely, he showed the bear, surely that, above all else, was proof he meant them no harm.

After a long while, the bear opened up in turn, and Halsin felt firsthand the things he had suspected were present for a long time. Fear and confusion. Pain and grief. Whatever Halsin’s trauma had been, the bear had felt it a hundredfold. I know, Halsin whispered. I know. Never again, and certainly not at his hands. He would sooner flay himself alive. He died for us, even if he was brought back to life after.

The bear opened its eyes, and for just a moment, Halsin thought it was about to relent. But then it hung its head instead, and let out a pained, tired noise. Please, no more. No more. I cannot do this- cannot think about this anymore.

Halsin’s heart ached. But there was nothing he could do but honor the request. The bear was in pain and broken and he had missed it for so long that he didn’t even know how he could help it heal now. He pressed his face against the bear’s, felt the fur stroke his cheek-

And in an instant, he had joined the bear, his mindset quieting down and finding the simpler, but never fully ursine, state the bear afforded him. It felt like a hug, felt like a warrior at his side, felt like kindness he was unsure he deserved, but would accept anyway.

Halsin closed his eyes, curling up on the floor, and stretched his paws out. It had been too long since he had been able to enjoy his wildshape.

“It’s good to see you in bear form again, love.” Kiaran smiled and stroked Halsin’s fur, watching his partner doze lightly. “It’s been a while. I was starting to worry…”

Halsin yawned, stirring and stretching first his hind legs, then his forelegs. Then he rested his head on his paws.

It was, Kiaran always thought, an endearing picture of what Halsin would be like in elf form too, if not for the expectations placed on him. Hibernations, lazy naps, and cute stretches. A bear doing so would never attract attention, but a person? Let alone a middle-aged Archdruid?

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Kiaran pet Halsin’s muzzle, and then moved to scratch behind his ears. “You can rest longer if you wish, love. I was just happy to see you in wildshape again, is all.”

Halsin yawned again and shook his head. Mm. I am fine, my heart, but thank you. What are you doing?

“Of course,” Kiaran said, petting Halsin’s fur. He leaned over and kissed Halsin’s forehead, and then sighed. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I have to go out tonight, love, but I’ll be back in a day or two.”

Halsin inhaled sharply, and gave Kiaran a sad look, his eyes big and pathetic in a way only his bear form was capable of. Oh. I see, he said, leaning into Kiaran’s hand. Is this about the same.. business you were doing before? He didn't know what, exactly, Kiaran had been doing before, but he knew Kiaran had been missing for long periods of time, and it seemed this too was related.

“Yes,” Kiaran said. Halsin could see on his face the moment Kiaran came to a decision. “Love, before, when I would disappear... I have been talking to Astarion and Taviana, having them and the freed spawn do some research and reconnaissance for me…” A moment of hesitation. “Or, rather, for us.”

For a moment, Halsin felt his heart nearly stop. He stared before he gathered the courage to ask, for us? Does that mean- did they find them? It was the only thing possible. The only thing that would require Astarion and Taviana's help, and that would involve reconnaissance to proceed.

Kiaran shook his head. “Not yet, love. But,” he held Halsin’s paw between his hands, “they have a lead, and they wanted to discuss with me the next steps for us to take. Astarion and Taviana disguised themselves as Drow, and did some investigating in the Menzoberranzan library archives to find the newspaper article on the downfall of House T’sein. They found out that the House that took them out, House Xiltael, moved into the same palace that House T’sein had. They found the names of all the members who might still be alive, and then proceeded to surveil the palace for a time.” He inhaled. “The good news is that all of this information was easy to find. The bad news is that it was so easy to find because with all the shakeups in Menzoberranzan of late… House Xiltael are now far more powerful than even the House that held you. They are the Second House now, Halsin. They somehow managed to surpass House Barrison Del’Armgo, whether by raiding it, or by the House dying out by other means.”

Halsin pulled his paw back, only so he could instead drop his head into Kiaran’s lap. It suddenly felt like time had slowed to a crawl, and the seconds it took between him processing that information and feeling the panic set in felt endless.

The House that had exterminated his captors was now behind only House Baenre in power and ruthlessness. They had gained the favor of the Spider Queen far beyond what his own captors had.

And now they were looking for him.

It couldn’t be a coincidence that mere months after saving the world in Baldur’s Gate, Halsin had encountered the matron’s consort there. Drow nobles rarely left the Underdark to begin with- not without a damned good reason.

They wanted their prize. Either to keep him, or as a sacrifice to the Spider Queen. More likely the latter, given how much deeper their devotion to Lolth clearly went than House T’sein’s had, and how he had been marked for sacrifice the day of the raid. Lolth wanted her promised Darthiir, and they wanted to give him to her like a gift wrapped in a bow.

With the suddenness and dread of a rolling storm cloud, panic overcame him. His breath sped up, and his giant frame began to tremble enough to jostle Kiaran under him.

“Oh, love,” Kiaran whispered, stroking Halsin’s fur. “It will be alright. We will eliminate the threat, I promise you. That’s why we’re meeting up. To plan- to strategize.”

My love. If you think a Ranger, a Bard, and a vampire Rogue- even if they are the ones who saved the world- are enough to dethrone an entire Drow noble house- Halsin began.

“Yes, I would be a fool to think the three of us could handle it alone,” Kiaran agreed with a humorless chuckle. “But thankfully, it won’t be the three of us. I think you’re forgetting, sweetheart, the entire reason that Taviana moved to the Underdark after the war, instead of returning to her family in Baldur’s Gate. She and Astarion have 7,000 vampire spawn as allies now, ready to fight at their side. I won’t lie; Astarion was a tad reluctant to take up the cause at first, but when he was promised a chance to cause some carnage in a sanctioned way…” He gave a faint smile. “Between that and Taviana’s puppy dog eyes, he was swayed. And with 7,000 spawn on our side, not even a noble Drow house stands a chance.”

Halsin shook his head. With 7,000 spawn on our side, you- or we- will be a small army, and will surely attract the attention of the entire city when we move in. It won’t be just one noble House, but all of Menzoberranzan we’ll be fighting against.

Kiaran frowned. “You have a point there, but there is a middle ground, I think,” he said softly. “We’ll find it given enough time, I know we will. But for now, we must plan. I- love, would it help you if you came with me instead? I know you’ll miss the little ones, but it might be good for you to help us talk this out and… just seeing Astarion and Taviana again. You have missed the others very much, I can tell, and maybe…” He trailed off, frown deepening.

Halsin sighed. He shifted his head, bumping it up against Kiaran, who laughed softly. Taking the hint, he began to scratch Halsin’s fur gently. “My sweet love,” he whispered, fingernails gliding over Halsin’s scalp. “Won’t you come with me? Just for a night?”

Halsin thought for a long while. He pulled back enough to dismiss his wildshape, which sent a jolt of guilt through Kiaran, and then sat next to him again, cuddling up together. “I am not so sure, my heart,” he admitted softly. “The children… I have not been away from this community overnight since we founded it; every trip has commenced at dawn and ended by the time the children were ready for bed. How will they fare without their bedtime stories?” He paused, shaking his head. “Oh… you must think me like a mother hen.”

“That is just what you are. A mother hen,” Kiaran murmured with deep affection in his voice. “Loving, and nurturing, and so very worried about your ducklings.” He bumped his nose against Halsin’s cheek as he kissed Halsin’s temple. “It is one of your best qualities, my love, and I would not change it for the world. But remember, your little ducklings are not helpless; they have other adults to help them, and will not suffer if you are away for a single night. They will miss you, and then, before they have time to truly become upset, you’ll be back. The hardest part will be telling them you’re leaving in the first place, unless we leave that to the other caregivers, like we did the night you were too… indisposed for us to go into town.” He squeezed Halsin’s hand.

“I shall try to take courage from your example, my heart,” Halsin said, squeezing back with a faint smile, but still fretting on the inside. “I simply… What if my ducklings aren’t ready to be apart from me just yet?”

“It’s a single night, sweetheart,” Kiaran repeated. “One night. They will survive, and even if you did stay here instead… you cannot always be there, can you? One night, you will have to leave for something, even if only for a short while. Why not show them that it is normal sooner than later? They are still adjusting here; it hasn’t become a mandatory part of their routine yet. This way, you can show them that you leaving for a brief time doesn’t have to be a catastrophe.”

“… I… suppose you have a point,” Halsin murmured. “I- I simply-” He sighed, shaking his head.

“Halsin,” Kiaran said, squeezing Halsin’s hand again. “Listen to me, please. If you don’t want to go, that is alright, I promise. But please… if you do… do not let yourself return to the same position you were in before, where your wants always came last. Please?”

Halsin was quiet for a while. “I simply worry about them,” he said finally. “Will they think I do not love them, if I leave? Will they think that I abandoned them?”

“No. No, they will not,” Kiaran said firmly. “They know you love them as much as any father loves their children. They know you will always care for them. That will never change, and especially not because of one outing.” He frowned, cupping Halsin’s cheek. “Honestly, my sweet honey bear, I am surprised. I thought you would be itching for a change of scenery, even if it was there. You always loved to roam; what changed?”

“I do not know,” Halsin admitted, swallowing hard. “I simply… It is as though…” He gazed downward, collecting his thoughts. “As though one night, I went to bed as a restless, roaming bear, and woke up with an ache to settle and never let go of the home we made for ourselves. Sometimes my new desires make me feel like a stranger to myself, if I am honest…” A pause. “And it disconcerts me at times, and yet… even when trying to regain it, I do not feel that desire to wander any longer. Now that I finally have somewhere I belong, I feel… the thought of leaving it makes me feel hollow.” He took in a slow breath. “It feels as though the instant I take a step away, I will lose all of this and never get it back.”

Kiaran thought for a while. Halsin had been acting different ever since they’d arrived here- more domestic, more settled, less wild- but he’d attributed it to the simple fact that he was a father to dozens of children now. Growing into it all, in a sense. And then there had been the other changes- the wounds that had reopened and then begun to close again with the games they played together. It seemed Kiaran had reversed cause and effect. “I am sorry,” he said finally, “that I didn’t see before.”

“I myself didn’t understand it until now,” Halsin admitted, shaking his head. “These feelings- I simply had no words for them, having been the opposite my entire life. I couldn’t understand these new desires. But now that I have spoken of them, I am certain they are truly what I feel. I don’t want to roam anymore. I want to belong. I want,” he inhaled, eyes closing for a moment. “I want to see the same canopy of trees when we walk into town every night. I want the same little faces in front of me, growing only when as fast as they must, and never prematurely.” He gave a wry smile. “I want the same sights, and sounds, and smells around us every day. I want to begin each morning watching the sunrise together, and end each night under a blanket of stars. I don’t want any more surprises or challenges…” He sighed, and squeezed Kiaran’s hand. “I just want to enjoy the peace we have fought so long and so hard for. Yet to secure that peace, I am well aware we have one more fight in front of us.” His expression was pinched. “My… host’s vanquishers will not let me slip through their fingers a second time.”

“We do have to fight to secure your freedom once and for all,” Kiaran whispered. “And I am sorry that it is so. But I promise you, love, that once we kill these Drow, your peaceful dream can become reality. You can lay down your roots instead of being blown about in the wind- you are my beautiful, sturdy oak, always. I just… Need you to be oak-strong for a while longer. Not like you were before, where all the burdens of yourself and everyone else you knew were yours alone, but strong enough to let those you love help carry the burdens too, because even the mightiest oak sometimes needs looking after. You can do that, can’t you?” He tilted Halsin’s chin up, fingers softly stroking his cheeks.

Halsin sighed, leaning into the touch. He closed his eyes, let his mind drift to the visions he’d finally allowed himself dream of now that it was closer than he ever thought possible. He imagined a world where Kiaran could actually stay at his side forever- and actually wanted to, at that- and he imagined a world where his duties could be balanced with his deepest desires. Imagined balance between all the things that were important to him; people and nature, his true self and the responsibilities he needed to honor. A world where he could know peace and quiet at last, a world where Kiaran could forgive himself for what he had done as Bhaal’s Chosen, and where they could cure the longterm effects of Kiaran’s brain injury. Maybe, if the Oak Father was especially pleased with him, a world where Halsin was not only allowed to nurture the flock of lost little ducklings who had found their way to him, but was also allowed to create new life at last, allowed to feel the stirrings of life inside him.

For so long, his life had been a series of battles. He’d fought for Thaniel, and fought to end the Absolute, and fought to escape the Underdark. He’d fought to convince the Tiefling refugees to join the orphans he’d already scooped up into his protective embrace, fought to show them that they needed each other and could accomplish more together than alone. He’d fought to quiet Yenna’s nightmares about Orin, and Mattis’s grief over Doni, and Oliver’s fears that no one would ever see him as anything but a lesser version of Thaniel. He’d fought to show Kiaran he could conquer his Urge, be his own person, and become capable of loving someone else. All of the best things in his life now, Halsin had fought tooth and nail for.

Maybe, if he fought for this too, if he cast aside the last shackles the Underdark could chain him with, maybe there would be room for him to share the rest of his dream with Kiaran. Maybe, just maybe, Kiaran would want to add a baby to their big, strange family too, as soon as it was safe enough to bring new life into their world.

“So long as you are at my side,” Halsin finally whispered, his hand closing around Kiaran’s and holding it over his heart. He closed his other hand on top of it. “So long as I have you at my side, my heart, I believe I can do anything. We have always been stronger together.”

“We have,” Kiaran whispered back, bumping his forehead against Halsin’s. Their lips met, and Kiaran sighed. “You aren’t alone in this, my oak, not anymore. I am with you now, always, and I will fight for you. But I need your help. Just as you needed my help to purge Bhaal’s influence from me the night he possessed me.”

“I am still in awe of your courage, and perhaps I do not say that enough,” Halsin said softly. “I am fortunate to have met someone so fearless, and capable of such love and devotion.”

“Everything I know about those last two things, I learned from you. You know this.” Kiaran kissed Halsin again. “One last fight, and then you can settle.”

“Yes,” Halsin agreed, kissing Kiaran. He pulled back, gazing at the face he so loved, and for just a moment, he thought about telling Kiaran what the rest of his dream entailed.

But he was more than old enough to know the time and place for all things, and this was the last time to discuss such a change. So he stood, retrieved the backpack he hadn’t touched since returning to Reithwin, and began to pack.

For Kiaran, for the future Halsin so desperately wanted, for the additions to his family he ached for, he could fight a little while longer.

He was 199 years old, he was fairly sure, judging by the Drow holidays that had come and gone more than once. His 200th year was approaching, but he would not live to see it. Wouldn’t live to see another tenday.

He was 199 years old, and he was going to die tomorrow.

It was a lifespan most beings on this world would envy, but for him, it was a fraction of what he was supposed to have, and all he could do was think of his regrets.

Why had he come here in the first place, instead of teaching Thaniel to tan leather like he’d promised? Why hadn’t he waited for an Open Day at the very least, to maximize his chances of escaping unharmed?

Now he would die without telling Thaniel goodbye. All to see some glowing mushrooms. What a waste.

He would die without starting a family of his own. Without those he cared for at the Emerald Grove ever learning of his fate.

Would they even care?

Surely they would, wouldn’t they? True, they hadn’t come to rescue him, but… they could hardly be blamed for that, could they, not when Halsin’s capture had already proven how dangerous these Drow were? They were just trying to minimize losses, surely. They couldn’t lose twenty Druids to save one. He was, ultimately, expendable. No one living thing was that important.

He kept telling himself that, but no matter how much he did, he couldn’t make the heavy ache in his chest cease. He was expendable to almost all the only family he had left, and the ones who didn’t think him so still were in no position to save him.

He would die alone, save for Mistress and Master, who would drink in the agony of his final moments like a crisp wine. No one would perform the proper funerary rites. He wouldn’t be properly mourned.

He sadly raised a chained hand to touch his collar. If only Mistress’s taboo affection for him hadn’t caught the Spider Queen’s notice. If only the two of them cared enough about him to defy her to save his life. But he was simply a Darthiir. Their prisoner, guest, and consort. And now he never would be anything else again.

If only he had been better. If only he had obeyed easier, charmed them more, taken their punishment prettier. He hadn’t had it so bad before, not even on those days. He’d been guaranteed to stay alive before; his intricate collar had always been a sign of that promise. If only he’d been able to make himself extraordinary, then they really might have thought him worthy defying Lolth.

A pair of Driders might be easier to escape from than an entire House, at any rate.

But he didn’t truly want that fate for anyone. And especially not them. They had hurt him, but they had also taken care of him, and had protected him from what Darthiir were supposed to face down here; surface elves like him weren’t supposed to be pampered pets.

Even now, they were making his sacrifice quick. Not painless, it was going to be anything but, but this would last maybe some hours instead of weeks, and then it would be all over. Even when acquiescing to Lolth, they were trying to protect him, and that meant something, even if it was too little to change his pitiful fate.

Would they hold his hand? Even as they enjoyed his pain, they had always sought to ease it after. Days chained outside for other Drow to use, followed by a long rest chained in their soft, cozy bed, fed delicacies and wine until his head swam. Lashings followed by kisses, praise, and cuddles. They enjoyed his pain, but they wouldn’t want it to be only pain, would they? Or would salvaging the tattered scraps of their reputation outweigh… whatever it was they felt for him?

Of course it wouldn’t, he answered himself with a sigh. He didn’t mean that much to anyone , in the end, let alone them. He wasn’t worth those kinds of sacrifice from others. What did he have to offer anyone that was that special, let alone a pair of Drow nobles who had already been so lenient with him?

He missed his freedom more than anything, but he was lucky this not-freedom hadn’t been worse. He could want more, but he would be a fool to think it could actually happen.

At least there was still Silvanus. Maybe, just maybe, his service to his god would be enough for Silvanus to rescue his soul before Lolth could devour it. Gods were possessive beings when it came to mortal souls. Halsin was meant to be his, no one else’s.

He curled in on himself, unwilling to spend his last night actually resting, but lacking the energy to do much else. He wanted to savor every last minute he had left. Breathing, thinking, feeling. Even the tears streaming down his face were a gift.

Not a minute later, he found himself wishing instead that they would hurry up and get it over with. Bears didn’t torment the fish they caught. One swipe and it would all be over, bloody and gory but merciful. Why couldn’t they too decide to not prolong the inevitable?

His mind bounced back and forth between opposite thoughts, his heart growing heavier, and the stinging in his eyes growing more painful with every passing second.

But he wasn’t destined to be consumed by a predator. One moment, he was a fly caught in a spider’s web, and the next, a bigger, more fearsome spider came to fight, and their territoriality ended up gifting their little fly its freedom.

And so the forgotten prey fled, even as the sounds of battle erupted around him and blood splattered on his body again and again. He was covered in it, nearly choking, the heavy and hot droplets forcing their way into his mouth and nose every time he breathed. The ferric stink of it made his empty stomach constrict painfully in revolt, but he dared not stop. Not even to take on a wildshape to ease his journey. He ran, and then sprinted, and nothing mattered, not the reeking blood, not the screaming stitches in his sides, and not the tears blurring his vision or the agonizing pounding of his heart.

Everything went dark, and he wouldn’t be able to remember what came next. All he knew was that when awareness returned, he was somewhere warm and sunny. Wet earth was soaking his naked body, and he decided in that moment that soil might be his favorite smell. Or maybe the grass, or the flowers. There were so many that he found himself near tears again, and even though he found himself so depleted of energy that he could scarcely move a muscle, he wasn’t going to complain. He would never complain about anything again, because he was alive, and he was above ground, and he was surrounded by fresh, warm air. Even if he died right then and there, he would die free, embraced by the wilds he so loved.

It was perfect.

Almost perfect.

He closed his eyes, reached deep into himself for a being that had been tormented far worse than he, and sang his delight at their escape to the creature. With a burst of golden light, he ceded control to the bear, and in unison, the pair let out a triumphant roar.

He was 199 years old, and he was going to live, and he decided that from then on, he would spend every minute he possibly could in his ursine form. Because he was free at last and, the bear and he agreed, he would never let anyone overpower him- them- again. Hale and strong, nothing could overpower this body ever again.

It would be months before he returned to his elven form, months before his rational mind escaped the animalistic haze he let himself sink into for the first and last time, but it was for the best. It meant he didn’t have to think about what had happened to him- to them- until healing had truly begun.

He was 200 years old now, and he was going to live, and he was free of his chains at last, and bear and elf would work together to keep it that way.

“Halsin?”

There were three pairs of eyes on him, Halsin realized. He blinked, looking up from his tea. How long had he been lost in his own mind? Long enough that the freshly-brewed tea he’d sat down with was only warm now, the steam long since dissipated.

“Where did you go, my love?” Kiaran squeezed Halsin’s hand, and Halsin closed his eyes. Kiaran smelled of leather and lavender soap, and his hands were rough and bumpy from so many sets of overlapping calluses- the hands of a master archer and swordsman.

Halsin anchored himself to him, to Kiaran who was everything. He was safety and love and protection and tenderness. He was that first glimpse of the blue sky, yellow sun, and white puffy clouds Halsin had had after three years in the Underdark. Kiaran was the fresh air Halsin had gulped in, and he was the cold and clean water Halsin had drank and bathed in until he was freezing.

Kiaran was freedom. Not just from the Drow, but from everything Halsin had been forced to be all his life. He was a chain-breaker and a medicinal tea and he was maybe the only person alive who truly saw him, saw him, and saw nothing at all in need of changing. He was the only one would forego so much to stay at his side.

Something settled into place deep inside him as Halsin wrapped his trembling arms around Kiaran. Halsin leaned against him, and looked from him to Astarion to Taviana. Their friends, who- even if it was a bit reluctant in Astarion’s case- were going to fight for him. He’d never had that before, and that, too, he owed to Kiaran.

“Where did you go, love?” Kiaran asked again, his brows knit. Worried he had pushed too far, maybe. Worried Halsin wasn’t ready after all and that this was about to turn out like the terrible night when his anger had so frightened Halsin’s inner beast.

Halsin exhaled. “Somewhere awful. Somewhere I worked so very hard to escape,” he whispered. “But somewhere I will never return, thanks to you.” He squeezed Kiaran’s hand back, and met the gazes of Taviana and Astarion. “I am ready. What have you learned, and what are our next steps?”

The pride on Kiaran’s face when Halsin spoke was more than reward enough for coming, he decided.

Yes, he could fight again. With Kiaran at his side, they’d pave a way to allow the final missing piece of his dream to become reality.

Chapter Text

“Are you feeling better, Kiaran?” Taviana’s face was full of worry as she sat on the edge of the bed, peering down at his pale face.

Kiaran closed his eyes for a moment. His body felt so very weak, but what was far worse was his mind . Confused and empty of memories, filled only with impulses he couldn’t understand and that horrified those around him.

Worse still, his rotten brain had caused him to faint in front of the Druid they’d just rescued. What if the Archdruid had been an enemy? Kiaran would likely have been killed, and what of his allies? He was fortunate that Halsin was a kind, gentle man and had taken him back to the Emerald Grove for treatment instead, but still, the fact that this had happened at all unnerved him.

And he couldn’t understand why Halsin had helped in the first place. Why not kill one so helpless as Kiaran had been?

Kiaran sighed. “I am recovering; thank you,” he whispered, fatigue coloring his voice.

“Halsin said you will be able to return to camp tonight. We delayed the celebrations the Tieflings were preparing,” Taviana said. She bit her lip and stared down at the lute in her hands.

Lute? Their Bard was a violinist, not a-

Oh.

Right.

Alfira.

The Tiefling who had been violently murdered the night before last. Murdered by Kiaran’s own hand, in his sleep.

Kiaran made no apology. How could one apologize for murder? It was meaningless at best, and it would still be a lie, because he wasn’t sorry it had happened. He only wished he knew why it had happened in his sleep. The possibilities were grim, and it was those possibilities that worried him.

Alfira had simply been one person out of millions. She had lived, and then she had died, the same as they all would one day. Why should he care? Why should she be so special?

Still. The others, especially Taviana, Wyll, Karlach and Gale, got very cross when he said such things, and the agreement of the likes of Astarion and Lae’zel did little to reassure him.

He really needed to find their damn cure so he could get his life back, whatever it had been.

Living in the wilds was no hardship for him, unlike many of their companions; he still had the muscle memory for starting fires, shooting arrows, and all the other things a Ranger like him did. He had likely been quite a powerful one, before the amnesia and the Nautiloid. It was sharing those wilds that he hated. There was hardly a chance to hear himself think in their camp, and the noise did little to help his migraines.

Distantly, Kiaran heard footsteps, and he glanced at the door as the Archdruid Halsin entered. “You may leave if you wish; I need to examine our friend,” he told Taviana kindly.

Again, Kiaran was unnerved. Such gentleness. Such compassion. It reminded him of honeysuckles, which smelled deliciously sweet at first, but became cloying if he lingered. No one sane was so genuinely kind. Karlach was doing it to forget the Blood War, and Wyll… he didn’t know why he acted that way, but he was sure it was something similar for him.

With a groan, Kiaran propped himself up, muscles trembling from the exertion. He briefly wondered if he might have made the wrong choice in saving the Druid over earning the goblin leaders’ favor, but… no. The mental calculus he had performed then still held. This Absolute had infected him in the first place; why would they cure him, instead of enslave him? Halsin’s healing abilities may not be where his cure could be found, but it was a far likelier option than Nightwarden Minthara had been. And Halsin’s rush to help when Kiaran had fainted, foolish and mystifying as it had been, bode well for Kiaran’s chances of survival. As long as everything was as it seemed, he’d have a powerful and loyal ally on his side, and possibly, given Halsin’s medical aptitude, one able to cure the sickness in Kiaran’s brain not caused by any Illitihid.

No, saving the Archdruid had been the right call, he was certain. He just had to discover what this mask was hiding, like brewing an elixir to see invisibility. That didn’t bother him; in fact, the other possibility, that it was genuine, unnerved him even more. Only someone without an ounce of sanity would show such care for a man he had just met, and one who had admitted to delighting in indiscriminate slaughter, no less.

He had to be either a liar or a madman. Kiaran knew liars, and knew that madmen were far worse. Especially madmen with the power to transform at will into apex predators.

Then again, humanoids were apex predators too.

Two fingers suddenly pressed against his wrist. Kiaran flinched back and subconsciously growled, teeth bared like he too had transformed into an animal.

“My apologies,” Halsin soothed, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "I thought you heard my warning. I need to take your pulse; your heartbeat became far too slow while you were unconscious. I hoped the rest might have helped.”

Kiaran sighed, and let his arm drop. “It’s fine. You just startled me.” It was disconcerting, after all, to be so suddenly grabbed by the person he had just been making a threat assessment on.

If Halsin was going to kill him, now that Kiaran had served his purpose by rescuing him, this might be the best way to do it. No one knew more about death than healers. He probably knew a hundred ways to kill Kiaran and make it look like a tragic accident. “How terrible,” he’d say, "your companion succumbed to encephalitis before I could heal him. I cannot resurrect him- why would I know such unnatural magic? I am afraid we must burn the body to prevent the spread of sickness.” And taking his pulse while killing him, well, that would simply ensure he was truly dead.

But rather than striking out, Halsin was simply focusing intently, eyes closed as he counted the seconds and the beats simultaneously. Finally he opened them again, and nodded with a smile. “Your heartbeat is far faster, and stronger too. Perhaps you were just severely exhausted from fighting an army of goblins.” He gave another, more obviously weary smile.

“No,” Kiaran said before he could stop himself, “this is something no rest will fix.” Why he was revealing such information to a stranger, he wasn’t sure.

“The tadpole?” Halsin tilted his head, frowning, and walked over to a nearby bookshelf. Then he shook his head, muttering an admonishment to himself, and found the volume near the dissected Drow cadaver instead.

“Your symptoms- all of your companions’, too- are most unusual,” Halsin explained, sitting down in front of Kiaran again. “As I am sure you have surmised. Your ceremorphosis has slowed to a crawl, as though transformation into Mind Flayers is only a secondary goal. But to what end?”

Kiaran shrugged.

“Well,” Halsin sighed. “As I said, I cannot cure you; I can’t remove the parasites without killing you or worse. But I can offer you guidance to Moonrise Towers, where we can at least find-”

“Answers, yes,” Kiaran interrupted, not in the mood to care about rudeness. “I remember. But even removing the parasite wouldn’t fix this. None of my other companions have my symptoms- I’m sick beyond the tadpole. Fainting spells, blackouts, I’m losing new memories as fast as I gain them. I only remember what I think is my name, and things about myself I have surmised.”

“I see,” Halsin said, frowning deeper. “Everything in your mind has been destroyed, from what I have gathered; but from the path I see you on, you are doing well at picking up the pieces.” He set a hand on Kiaran’s forehead, and Kiaran couldn’t tell if the gesture was to take his temperature, or to comfort him. “I will continue to learn what I can to help you. I am afraid that without my team of healers, this will be far more difficult-”

“What do you mean, without your healers? I didn’t kill Nettie, did I?” He wracked his brains, but couldn’t seem to remember slaying Halsin’s apprentice. Still, that hardly counted for anything, did it? Maybe he had done it after fainting, and then collapsed again.

“No, no,” Halsin was quick to reassure him. “It is simply…” He frowned and shifted uncomfortably. “I was going to discuss this with you later, but I am leaving the Grove, at least for the time being. We need not get into the particulars of why, but suffice it to say, I have decided it will be best for all involved if I keep my distance and bring in a better leader to handle the Druids. One whose particular skills I lack.” He gave a sad smile, full of regret and something close to loneliness. “I can serve the world, and thus the Grove, far better by joining your side and combating this Absolute- if you will allow me, that is.”

Kiaran’s first instinct was to think that Halsin was simply trying to make it easier to dispose of Kiaran’s body, and maybe the others’ bodies too. But then… Kiaran had just thought of a very convincing way Halsin could get rid of the entire team if he desired, hadn’t he? And, he thought, carefully ignoring the voice in his head noting how frighteningly easy it had been to plan the perfect murder, if Kiaran had thought it, surely Halsin, if he was the same way, already had as well. And if he wasn’t the same as Kiaran, then… it could only be because he wasn’t actually a killer. There was, after all, a difference between someone who killed when necessary and a killer .

But if Halsin wasn’t a murderer, there weren’t a lot of other things Kiaran could think of for him to be.

He sighed. As repulsively pathetic as Kiaran found it, Astarion’s strategy, seemingly unknown to anyone but himself and Kiaran, of duplicitously courting Taviana did seem to have merit. Controlling the unknown element, getting them to lower their guard and reveal their secrets and true motivations, and then getting them to offer protection from other unknowns.

Taviana. He thought of the tears in her eyes as she’d dug Alfira’s grave, and the glares she’d shot him as he returned from washing the blood off of his person. She, Kiaran had concluded, fell into the category of genuine nice person, which meant she was also insane. But maybe not as much as he thought. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that all the Tieflings who came to them with thanks- for saving Arabella, for stopping Kagha, for agreeing to free Halsin- had all given those thanks to Taviana, Karlach, and Wyll, not him, not Lae’zel or Astarion, and not even Shadowheart or Gale, who were far nicer than he, but not as much as the first three. Kindness earned trust, and trust earned allies. He doubted Taviana was doing this as a strategy- he didn’t see her as bright enough to think of it. But it worked for her, and Astarion was using a far less genuine version on her at the same time.

So, then, perhaps that was it for Halsin. Naturally he’d want more allies, as he seemed to have some kind of goal at Moonrise too. Nursing the team’s de facto leader back to health and not asking anything in return... it would create one hells of a debt, that was for sure, the kind of social obligation that few except for Kiaran and Lae’zel would be likely to ignore.

Kiaran’s eye caught a fly flitting about. Bears weren’t the only living things fond of honey, he thought with a frown.

Those strategies, even if not his own, made some amount of sense, he finally decided. Halsin need not be an utter lunatic, and not a killer like himself either. He was just someone in search of powerful allies, like Kiaran himself was.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel, deep in the back of his ruined mind, a sensation of deepest disgust. It simultaneously felt like his own and not. It told him that making nice was for fools. That he should simply slaughter these people, maybe turn their corpses into some kind of decoration if he had time, and then move on to the next act of depraved violence.

Once again, Kiaran was left with the grim suspicion that he might be Death himself.

But even Death would become a Mind Flayer with an untreated tadpole, so Kiaran would have to stick to preserving life until he was cured.

Kiaran glanced at Halsin, whose face was growing increasingly worried at the distant look in Kiaran’s eyes. His brows knit together. “Are you still with us, my friend?” He asked quietly, glancing around for something- a pillow? “I worried you might have more convulsions before we cured you-”

“No, I’m not going to have a seizure. Not even an absence one,” Kiaran muttered, rubbing at the pulsing pain in his forehead. “I apologize. I was lost in thought. Yes- you may join our camp. I expect we’ll have need of a skilled healer many times by the time this is all over.”

Halsin gave a grateful smile, shoulders slumping. “Thank you,” he said. “For giving me a chance to fix…” He trailed off.

“To fix…?” Kiaran prompted.

“To fix this- to fix everything.” Halsin gestured vaguely. But his speech was faster, and nowhere near as articulate as usual.

Interesting. He was capable of lying, then, if only by omission.

The lie actually reassured him. Even honest people omitted facts sometimes, but someone with something to hide would likely (though not certainly) have told him so much it seemed like everything, so that the one thing he was guarding would be under less suspicion. Kiaran’s own past victims had learned that lesson the hard way.

A pause. Another fact uncovered about himself, and it was still more of the same. Of course Alfira hadn’t been his first, or even hundredth murder, whether he was Death or not.

“Well,” Kiaran said at last, voice slow. Relief and disconcert canceled each other out, leaving his voice neutral. “You are welcome in any case.”

Halsin smiled, and for what he knew instantly was the first time, the happiness of another didn’t make Kiaran angry. He didn’t want to transform that contentment into tortured screams and rivers of red. He didn’t want to loop Halsin’s intestines around his neck like an amulet and tear Halsin’s still-beating heart out.

No, instead… it felt strangely warm. Like stepping in range of a campfire or sipping a cup of tea.

Kiaran grit his teeth, because that did make him angry, this softness he couldn’t explain. “I think,” he said. “I would like to rest now, so I will be well enough for the celebration later.”

“Of course, my friend. I will take my leave now; I must call a meeting of the Druids and explain what is happening. Rest well, and if you should need me, tell the butterfly sitting next to you. She will find me,” Halsin said, standing.

It would be so easy to tear the butterfly’s wings off. This gentle creature didn’t feel warm and inviting. The sickeningly sweet sight- the light, delicate, beautiful thing- returned some more of that familiar rage to his soul. Oh, how he wanted to turn its world into nightmarish, white-hot agony before granting it death at last.

Would Halsin scold him when he lit a small fire and held the butterfly to it to burn alive?

Would he just sit there with disapproval in his eyes? Disappointment? Pity?

… Sadness?

No, Kiaran decided at once, he couldn’t. And it wasn’t because of Halsin. He didn’t care if the other felt sad. It was because kind people gained more allies. Kiaran had to save the cruelty inside him for when it could actually provide a reasonable return on investment. The fleeting sadness of a Druid watching the death of a single bug would not be worth the lost trust when he discovered how effortlessly sadistic Kiaran was. No, he’d better save it for something that mattered.

That was why he didn’t enjoy the thought of Halsin’s sadness, he decided. Halsin could be an indispensable ally, and to jeopardize it this early would be suicidally foolish.

That was all, he told himself again as his gaze landed on Halsin’s broad back and he watched him go.

He cleared his throat. “Thank you. For treating me. I will see you tonight,” he called after Halsin.

“You are welcome. We shall see each other again soon,” Halsin said as he left the healers’ chambers.

—

Kiaran was, if nothing else, talented at multitasking. As the memories flooded him, and as he listened to Taviana brief them on the information uncovered by their research, he wrapped one arm around Halsin’s shoulders, gently massaging the tense muscles.

“House Xiltael,” Taviana was saying, “are, as you would expect, far more devout in their worship of Lolth, as well is in obeying Menzoberranzan customs, than House T’Sein was. Astarion disguised himself as a female Drow several times to gather information on them.”

Astarion nodded. “Hardly a challenge, darling. You’re not the only one who can use Disguise Self.” He nodded his head towards Kiaran. “They aren’t as dangerous as House Baenre, but few could compare to that bloodbath, even in the Underdark. Who knows what else they could do with enough time to build their power.”

“And how did they learn of Halsin’s survival?” Kiaran asked, holding Halsin tighter to himself. Halsin’s silence worried him at first, but he soon realized Halsin was simply paying close attention and wanted to listen rather than speak himself. “Why now, after all this time?”

“After the raid, most likely; they probably wanted the body for one of their charming little rituals,” Astarion explained. He hesitated for a moment. “But we also must admit, we were hardly quiet during our adventures… the battle with the Netherbrain or our little trysts in the Underdark both could have caught their attention, even if we never left the Upperdark. Gossip spreads fast down here.”

“While he was down there,” Taviana continued, “Astarion managed to ask some of the House T’sein assistants some questions out in the city without gathering too much suspicion. From what he’s been able to gather… they might not necessarily be interested in holding you captive again,” Taviana told Halsin in a gentle voice. “The matron mother sees you as a stolen sacrifice- one whose soul rightfully belongs to Lolth. That would seem to suggest they want other things than to keep you as… well. Keeping you.”

Halsin was still so quiet, and Kiaran frowned, stroking his arm. “Love?” He prodded softly.

Halsin exhaled. “In truth,” he said quietly, “I think… I am relieved. It is better,” he slumped forward a bit, “to know that… that their behavior is more in line with what can usually be expected of noble Drow houses.”

“But they want to kill you. Not just kill you- sacrifice you to their goddess,” Kiaran said, brows knitting together. “How is that a relief?” He supposed he could understand it as a lesser-of-two-evils option, but true relief?

Halsin looked up. His eyes met Astarion’s, who nodded. Something passed between them, and it was that moment that gave Kiaran his answer. Suddenly he understood all too well, and just as suddenly he almost wished he could go back to not understanding.

“I,” Halsin finally said, “I simply feel that… It is better to be looked at as a… mortal enemy than it is to be looked at the same way my hosts did.” His voice was quiet, and he wasn’t meeting any of their eyes. “I would prefer they see me the way Drow usually see surface elves, even if that means they wish to offer me as a sacrifice to the Spider Queen. That level of disgust is… better, safer, than what I had before.” His voice got quieter. “It also means the price of failure is far less severe.”

“We won’t fail. I’ll never let them take you. I’ll protect you, love,” Kiaran whispered, his heart aching. He squeezed Halsin’s hand. “I’ll never let any harm come to you. Never again.”

Halsin looked back up, but yet again, it wasn’t Kiaran he looked at, but Astarion. Once again, something unspoken moved between them. And then a distant look came over Halsin, and he gazed downwards once more.

An uneasy feeling stirred deep inside Kiaran. Jealousy? He wondered. But no, that wasn’t right. It didn’t feel like Astarion was taking something away from Kiaran. He was simply… unhappy, unsettled, not liking the helpless feeling that came from being so far out of his depth. It wasn’t the fact that Astarion did understand that bothered him, he decided, but rather that Kiaran didn’t, because there was a depth to Halsin’s pain Kiaran would never be able to understand.

He could come close to understanding. He had, after all, chosen death over being Bhaal’s Chosen, and would have stayed that way if not for Withers. But it wasn’t the same.

Of all the things they had endured together, all the things Kiaran had done- or tried to do- to help, there were some things he would simply never be able to help with beyond offering a shoulder for Halsin.

But he could do that. He thought back to the day they had met. To waking up in the Druids’ chambers in the Grove, a blanket wrapped snugly around him, and a pain-relieving potion brewing in a cauldron nearby. He thought of Halsin’s encouragement and care. The first kind words he could remember being spoken to him had come from Halsin’s mouth. Halsin had made him a promise, that day, and it was one Kiaran was determined to extend to Halsin now.

He spoke the words softly, quiet enough to be for Halsin’s ears only, though Astarion and Tav would of course know they were speaking, if not what they were saying. “I am here,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around Halsin’s middle, “to be your ear, as you bear your burdens, and the arms that protect you, if you can shoulder them no more.”

Halsin looked down at Kiaran, eyes focusing again. “Thank you, my heart," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Kiaran’s waist. He inhaled, grounding himself as he held Kiaran. “My sweet love.”

“This is all very touching,” Astarion said dryly, ignoring Taviana’s protesting noise and light shove to try and make him stop speaking. “But we need to make a plan. We haven’t got forever.”

“Asta-“ Taviana began, but Halsin shook his head gently to stop her.

“No, my dear friend, Astarion is very much correct. We’ve no time to… dwell on the past. We must focus on the future instead. You must head back to supervise the spawn first thing in the morning, and that means we must finish planning tonight.” He held on tighter to Kiaran, and took in a steadying breath. “I know that the spawn are quite a fighting force, but the problem is that their greatest advantage- their number- is also their greatest weakness. 7,000 spawn could never infiltrate Menzoberranazan unseen. We would need to settle for, at most, two dozen of the strongest among their number. But two dozen spawn versus hundreds of highly-trained Drow?” He shook his head. “It is simply impossible.”

“Must we infiltrate the Underdark at all?” Taviana wondered. “I know that was the assumption, since that’s where we are now. But if they want you badly enough, Halsin, they’d make the first move themselves. They’d either come to the surface or try to lure you to the Upperdark for an ambush, right? If they’re that desperate to secure Lolth’s favor…”

Kiaran frowned. “I think you have a point, Tav. We would be doing their work for them. Luring ourselves into an ambush. Why not make them come to us? They might not even know we have 7,000 spawn on our side.”

“No!” Astarion protested. “We must go on the offensive. Every second we waste here like useless sitting ducks, they could be growing stronger. We know everything we need to know thanks to dear Taviana.” He looked at her for a moment with surprisingly soft eyes before returning to his heated tone. “We have perfectly good maps, blueprints, and all sorts of other nonsense that gave me back cramps to carry here. We’re better prepared for this than we were to take on the Netherbrain, and look how well that turned out!”

“In case you forgot, Astarion, we had divine intervention on our side when we fought the brain,” Kiaran said. “I don’t see Withers hanging around now. We can’t rush in like we did then.”

“The gods didn’t do shit for us. They sat back and let us do the hard work,” Astarion spat, face suddenly turning stormy. “We did everything on our own. All that damned skeleton did was-”

“-Was save my life after Bhaal killed me!” Kiaran snapped, eyes narrowing in warning. “He brought me back to life! If not for him, I’d be wandering the Fugue Plane as a Faithless for all eternity!” His hands clenched into fists, surprised at his own anger and trying to reel it in. “What you mean is that he didn’t help you.”

“YES!” Astarion yelled, stepping closer to Kiaran. “That is precisely what I mean! The gods don’t give a damn unless it suits them- or pads their giant egos! As it was, they were more a hindrance than a help. Mystra’s grand idea was to have Gale blow himself to smithereens and be done with it. We would still have won without their ‘help’.”

“You mean you would have won the day, since I would have been very dead!” Kiaran yelled back, jumping up to a standing position as the anger bubbled over at last. “This never would have been possible without him, gods damn it, and I won’t l-”

“Kiaran!” Halsin said firmly, tugging on Kiaran’s sleeve. “I need you to calm down. Both of you, please. This isn’t about the gods and whether they have helped us enough or not. Please, clear your minds. We cannot afford to lose sight of what’s important, or we will never prevail in this.”

Tav nodded in agreement, and moved to Astarion to gently pull him back as well. “He’s right, love. This isn’t the time to turn on each other,” she soothed, her hand squeezing Astarion’s shoulder. “None of us are each other’s enemy, and none of us are here to hurt each other. We just… we just need to see this done. We’re all on the same side, love.”

Astarion’s eyes narrowed at Kiaran. Kiaran narrowed his in turn, straightened his back, and waited. They stared at each other for a few moments before, in an unspoken agreement, they both huffed and backed down.

“Fine,” Astarion said, dropping his hands. “Fine. What now, then?”

“I think it should be Halsin’s choice. How we proceed,” Taviana murmured. “He’s at the center of this, after all. How do you want to handle this, Halsin?” She turned to face him, her warm eyes full of gentleness, but worry as well.

Halsin gently tugged on Kiaran’s sleeve, and was rewarded when his partner returned to snuggling up in his lap. For a while, Halsin was quiet, simply thinking about the question he’d been asked. “I am sorry,” he finally said, expression pinched. “I simply… I do not know what is best right now. I think both ideas have merit.”

“It’s alright, love. You don’t need to know right away,” Kiaran was quick to say. He looked from Halsin to Tav and Astarion. “… Would you go on a walk with me? Not far. Just over there.” He nodded his head towards an underground pond surrounded by mushrooms, and Halsin smiled faintly in understanding.

“Very well,” he said, letting Kiaran rise before standing and brushing himself off as well. “We shall only be a moment, Tav, Astarion. Find us if you need anything of us.” They started to retreat, and Halsin winced as the faint sounds of Astarion and Tav’s voices reached his ears, not quite arguing, but very clearly displeased.

Without preamble, Kiaran pressed a soft kiss to Halsin’s lips. “I don’t want to push you too far, love. I just… I need you to understand that this is your decision, and yours alone. Whatever you choose, you have my support, always.”

Halsin sighed, and walked over to a nearby mushroom, easily the height and width of an elm, with its head covering a part of the pond. He pressed his hand to the stalk the way he would a tree trunk on the surface, and for a moment he just let himself feel the pulsing energy of life. It was something so few people around him could feel, especially now that he was away from the Grove. Every living thing had a vibrance about it. He could feel it through touch or even just in the air, if there was a lot of it.

And yet, every time he touched this mushroom, he found himself wishing for a sturdy oak instead, or a furry beast. The Underdark was a beautiful place, with its black and purple color palette and vibrant flora, but he felt he had seen more than enough of the place to last a lifetime. He had only been here a few hours, and already he missed the surface like a distant memory.

What he ached for most of all, though, was his commune. And once that thought struck him, suddenly, like a floodgate opening, came others. He missed the high-pitched voices that greeted him every night, squealing, “DADDY HALSIN!” as they rushed to him at full speed, so excited that it took half an hour just to calm them enough to hear their bedtime story. He missed Thaniel and Oliver. He missed the roosters that crowed obnoxiously every morning, and he missed the waterfowl that lined up for the peas he’d feed them as a treat. He missed the adults who seemed to have made it their life’s mission to keep him so stocked on food that he rarely needed to cook meals himself. He missed using his healing powers to aid injured and ill members of his community. Most of all he missed the treehouse he had built with Kiaran, with the scent of oak and sound of branches swaying in the wind that greeted him every morning.

He’d only been away for a few hours, and he was homesick. And Oak Father forgive him, he didn’t want to lose the life he and Kiaran had made together. It felt, now that he had it, like his entire life might have been leading up to what he shared with Kiaran now. He didn’t want to plan another violent, senseless fight. He wanted to go home, to his little ones and his quiet life filled with purpose he never could have imagined that day he set out with Aradin’s ill-fated adventuring party.

“Love?” Kiaran was before him again, and he stood on his tip-toes to reach Halsin’s forehead to kiss it. “Love, what’s the matter? Talk to me, please.”

Halsin smiled, flooded with warmth at the gesture, as he was every time it happened. Something about seeing the extra effort Kiaran had to go to just to kiss him made his heart swell. Halsin scooped Kiaran up, and for a long moment he let his chin rest on the other’s shoulder. He gave a deep sigh.

Where to begin, he wondered, as he pressed a brief kiss to Kiaran’s lips. He sat the other back down, and sighed, sitting in front of a patch of mushrooms, filled with easily two dozen different varieties, ranging from tiny red mushrooms with white dots to the vividly blue, tree-sized one. He set his hand on each one, feeling the variety of textures, some bumpy and others almost plush.

After a while, he looked back to Kiaran, who had silently sat next to him, waiting so very patiently for him to speak. Finally, Halsin whispered, “when we joined battle against the Netherbrain, the fate of the entire world was on our shoulders. I firmly believed that one or both of us would perish, and I was ready to make that sacrifice to save the Oak Father’s realm.” He pressed his right fist to his left shoulder. "And yet… Here I am, planning a fight with so much less on the line than that one. So why it it,” he took in a sharp breath, his eyes stinging, “that now, of all times, I am more frightened than I have been in centuries?” He felt a tear streak down his cheek as his voice broke. Fear. That was it, he realized at last; it was why he felt, in that moment, such a longing for the place he’d rooted himself to. Even a roaming bear would feel comfort when thinking of their den, and he was no longer the roaming sort of bear.

“I could make some guesses,” Kiaran said quietly, reaching out to grab Halsin’s hand in his. He gave it a gentle squeeze. “But in the end, none of them are important, because what does matter is this: whatever your reasons, my love, it is okay to be afraid. I’d be far more worried if you weren’t. All that you went through, and haven’t had the chance to properly process until now, and now it resurfaces right as you finally have somewhere you feel safe, like you belong?” He reached his free hand out to cup Halsin’s cheek. “You have every reason to be frightened. But I need you to hear this: you will remain safe. I’ll find someone to guard you at the commune, when the three of us go fight the Drow.”

“At… at the commune? The three of…” Halsin stared and gave a slow blink, certain he’d misheard.

“Yes?” Kiaran sounded just as confused as Halsin felt. And then realization came over him. “Did you- oh, gods, Halsin. Love, no. No.” He pressed his forehead against Halsin’s and kissed him. “Never. I would never force you to go back there! Not after what they did to you. I brought you here because I thought it would help you to know what we were doing to end this, not because I intended to force you to fight them! Is that what you thought all this time?”

“I- yes! You very clearly said ‘we’ would fight the Drow,” Halsin said, swallowing hard. “How could you have meant anything else?”

“Hells…” Kiaran shook his head. “I’m sorry, love. I meant we- as in Tav, Astarion, and I. I didn’t mean you would have to come. I’m sorry. I can see why you would have thought otherwise, but no… I always intended you to stay, unless you wanted to join me, of course.”

Suddenly Halsin reeled, the relief crashing into him so strongly that it felt like a physical force. His voice was weak as he whispered, “thank you,” his body starting to tremble in a delayed reaction.

He wouldn’t have to fight. Wouldn’t have to return to Menzoberranzan. Wouldn’t have to see the faces he had only seen as a terrified, distorted glance in a frantic escape attempt. Kiaran was going to do it for him, for reasons Halsin simultaneously understood and didn’t. Yes, Kiaran loved him, but to simply let Halsin stay safe while he went to fight Halsin’s battles for him?

… And why was Halsin not only okay with that, but relieved? It felt like his own thoughts were becoming increasingly foreign to him. He never would have accepted something so selfish before, but now, he could have cried with relief.

“Oh, love. Love…” Kiaran’s arms tightened around him. “I’m sorry. Gods, I’m so, so sorry… I never- no. No, no, no. If you wanted to come, you’d be more than welcome, but I suspected from the start you wouldn’t want to. That’s why I never- but I should have said it, shouldn’t I? I’m so sorry. You aren’t going back to Menzoberranzan, love, unless you decide you want to. Let me fight for you, my darling love. Let me fix this for you.”

It felt wrong to say yes. It felt like a surrender. It felt like weakness.

But it felt so good, for once in his life, to leave it in someone else’s hands, and all the better when it was someone he loved so deeply- someone who would do everything for him.

“I don’t deserve you, my heart,” he whispered, still trembling in Kiaran’s arms.

Kiaran let out a sharp breath. “Do not,” he said, quiet, but firm, “say that to me again. First of all, there is nothing in this world that you ‘don’t deserve’, but especially this. You were there for me when the only thing I knew at all was how to murder. Second of all, if anyone didn’t deserve anyone, it would be me not deserving you. I’ll never be good the way you are, but every day, you make me want to try.”

What could even be said to something like that? Halsin searched for the words, but even at his best, it would have been difficult to find an appropriate reply, let alone now. After a long while, he gave up, and instead he asked, “Did you know, back then? Did you have any idea?” He wasn’t entirely sure why he asked. Maybe it was the fact that in addition to finding comfort in Kiaran, the memories of their time traveling together was still a comfort, even if he felt no desire to return to roaming and adventuring. He took in a sharp breath, pushing down the ache in his chest that started at the thought of their companions. Oak Father… he silently prayed. Please, let us see each other again. We need each other still.

“Did I know what our relationship would become? Hardly.” Kiaran chuckled humorlessly through his nose. “Did I know you were someone special? Did I know I was already feeling things for you I couldn’t understand? Yes. Yes, I did… deep down. I didn’t want to kill you, and that confused me. But from the moment we met, you projected such calm, and…” He went quiet, fishing for the words. “It was like my mind was a hurricane, and I was drowning in the floodwaters. And yet you were unafraid to be caught in them. You offered me a lifeboat, not caring about the dangers, and… At first it confused me; upset me, even. But soon I realized you could offer me safety, maybe even save me, if I could put aside my desire for destruction long enough to climb in your raft.”

Halsin’s voice caught, and the tears started anew. “I’m so very glad you did.”

“Me, too.” Kiaran wiped the tears away from Halsin’s slightly reddened eyes, and placed a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m grateful for it every day. Once again, my love: you are the reason I decided to be something besides Bhaal’s. His son, his Chosen, his puppet, his instrument of death. Everything that I have now is because of you.”

Halsin wrapped his arms around Kiaran’s waist, and rested his head on Kiaran’s shoulder. He gave a deep sigh. “I hate him every day for what he did to you- for what he did to so many people. But for all that he did, he gave me you, and for that, I am grateful.”

For a moment, Kiaran’s mind filled with the memories of a certain Selunite Cleric and the aasimar daughter of that same goddess. He remembered the former jumping into the the latter’s arms, and being twirled as they kissed. He hadn’t understood Aylin’s words, then, but he did now. He understood that sometimes, the worst evils in the world gave rise to the best things purely by accident, and in doing so, set off a chain of events that let them be defeated. Ketheric, giving Aylin her vengeance. Bhaal, creating a force that could destroy the world, and then giving Kiaran every reason to save it instead.

“We must return to Tav and Astarion soon, my sweet honey bear,” Kiaran whispered. “Before, I brought you here because I sensed you might need a moment away from all of that so you could think.” He stroked a hand through Halsin’s hair. “Take a moment to calm yourself, and then we will go back when you are ready.”

Kiaran paused. And then he slid one finger down, and very gently traced a pattern around Halsin’s neck. “And remember, above all else, that I’ll always protect you. I’ll always take care of you, and above all else: I’ll always love you.”

It took Halsin only a second to realize Kiaran was tracing the shape of Halsin’s collar, that he was reminding Halsin of all the things he promised when they played their little games together. After all, that had been what Kiaran had wanted to do from the beginning: he’d wanted to make Halsin feel safe and protected in ways he couldn’t always do otherwise.

He felt it now. In every inch of his body, he felt it like those first rays of sunlight to hit his body after he fled the Underdark.

He took in a steadying breath, and rubbed his eyes, which were tired from crying. “You likened me to a lifeboat, a moment ago,” he whispered. “Now, I think, I shall seek the same in you.” He took in another breath. “I know what must be done. Let us return now.”

“Very well, my oak.” Kiaran’s voice and eyes both were filled with emotion. Pride, mostly. Determination. Love. In so many ways, it was similar to what he looked like after their games.

Collar or no collar, Halsin mused, changed very little about them. The collar introduced new roles and added a sexual undertone to the encouragement Kiaran always gave, but the same emotions were present in any case. With or without a collar, Halsin had Kiaran’s protection. His devotion. His love. Just as much as Kiaran had Halsin’s. Smiling, he traced the same pattern over his neck that Kiaran just had, and then he stopped as they approached the run-down shack that had been their shelter. He felt stronger than just a few minutes before, not only because of the promise that he wouldn’t have to be present in Menzoberranzan if he didn’t want to be, but because of Kiaran’s bolstering too. He felt like a tired houseplant that had been watered and placed in gentle sunlight, like Kiaran had transfused new strength into him.

He wasted no time when they returned to the ruined shack. “We must wait,” he told Astarion and Taviana, who seemed to have talked out whatever they had been not-quite-arguing about when Halsin and Kiaran had left. “I am sorry, Astarion; I know you wish to act now. But charging in now would be suicide. We must learn more about their plans, first.”

“And how do you propose we do that? Ask them nicely to tell us what they’re planning?” Astarion asked, the anger returning instantly. Astarion was many things, but patient was not one of them. And Halsin knew it had to be bringing up old memories of their days waiting for the right time to stop Cazador’s Rite of Profane Ascension- a miserable, helpless feeling, Halsin was sure. It must be awful to feel something so similar now. But Halsin couldn’t help that. A feeling of certainty that he rarely felt with things like this was guiding him now.

Halsin exhaled, but his voice was steady as he replied, “no. I learned enough about Drow customs to know how to proceed. Am I correct to assume, Astarion, that at least one of the 7,000 spawns living with you now are Drow? Perhaps one of them might like to take on a mission not only to ‘kill the right people,’ as you phrased it once, but also to deceive the right people. If their undeath could be hidden, of course, perhaps they might wish to try their hand at becoming a spy on the inside for us…”

“Oh, this just got interesting,” Astarion said with relish, his entire body leaning forwards the more Halsin spoke.

The feeling of certainty grew: this was the right way to proceed.

Chapter Text

Planning the infiltration mission, the group found, was easy. It always was, because nothing unexpected could happen during the planning stage; only what was already in their own minds could be accounted for. Still, they war-gamed as many scenarios as they could to try to make contingency plans for what they could. What if their spy, a former Drow noble named Zelina Mizzrym, was caught? Either by her vampirism being discovered, or by missing some crucial detail about House Xiltael- their history or members?

“If that happens, I suppose we can always make an appeal to Drizzt Do’Urden for help,” Taviana deadpanned. “I’m sure we’re just the sort he’d rush to help.”

They laughed, but in truth, that was the most depth their scenarios could reach, if it got to the point of actually being caught. But there was also the chance it would never even get that far before failing. Zelina might refuse to return to the place of her birth after having endured so much on the surface, knowing she would never again be properly welcomed unless she was disguised. She might also find the ideas their quartet had for compensating her- ranging from gold to status in the spawn hierarchy to procurement of rare bloods- inadequate in light of the risks she was taking. Especially as she had been a noble in life, and knew firsthand what Drow would do to one caught making conspiracies against another noble House. If she was caught, she would doom not only herself, but her entire family, and their ideas for payment would likely be woefully inadequate if the good of the deed wasn’t a motivator.

But there was nothing they could do about that right now, besides hope it wouldn’t happen in the first place, and eventually, all that was left was the time-old game of “hurry and wait.” With a few unsatisfied huffs from the less patient among them, the four broke apart to move to the two different bedrooms of the run-down shack. Halsin immediately sought comfort in Kiaran’s arms, and Kiaran watched him settle into his reverie fairly quickly, once Kiaran had talked him through his worries. Then Kiaran was left alone, and sleep eluded him entirely; it was his turn to feel anxious.

Was he doing the right thing? The question haunted him as the night dragged on. Deep down, he knew it was, if nothing else, the necessary thing, and that doing what was necessary didn’t always feel right beforehand. And yet, despite knowing that, he still worried.

With a sigh, he finally gave up on sleep, at least for the time being, and wandered outside. He pulled some fruit leather from his pocket and started to eat as he gazed around, eyes soaking up the terrifying splendor of the Underdark. He understood, even if it hadn’t been the wisest decision, why a younger Halsin had been so compelled to explore here once.

“Copper for your thoughts?” A light, feminine voice called out.

Kiaran shook his head in amusement. “Sure,” he said with a wry laugh. “Why is it that the two elves, who don’t need nearly as much rest as us, are doing so now, while the two of us who do need sleep can’t find it?”

“We’re a strange bunch,” Taviana said with a shrug. She sat down next to Kiaran, who looked in his pack for a stick or two of rothé jerky, which he knew to be her favorite ever since she’d tried it at the Grymforge. He handed one stick to her, and Tav smiled as she took it. “Thanks. So… what’s keeping you up? Just the obvious?”

“Just the obvious,” Kiaran confirmed with a sigh. “It’s… I worry about him, Tav. Every minute of every day, even in our commune. But at least then I can know nothing will actually hurt him; I know that I can always protect him. But this… even keeping him away from the action in the Underdark, it could still backfire on him.”

Tav nodded, chewing thoughtfully. “Once I learned what Cazador wanted with Astarion, I could hardly sleep until the day Astarion killed him. I’d have nightmares about the things Cazador would do if we failed. And then I’d wake up, and… well, what could I do then? Talk to Astarion about it? He never was one for sharing feelings and it felt selfish, to tell him how frightened I was of his possible fate.” She gave a sad, helpless sort of shrug. “But… then we prevailed. That night, we both slept so soundly, I could barely get out of bed the next day, and had to beg him to have a lie-in with me.”

“It worked out well enough. It let Halsin, Karlach, Jaheira and I go save Yenna while you all got your rest,” Kiaran murmured. “And then we came back…”

“And Halsin was so shaken up by almost losing you and Yenna in one fell swoop that he herded us into the center of our room, in wildshape, and refused to let any of us leave his sight. He roared if we did, and he didn’t close his eyes the entire night. Astarion was so very angry with him,” Taviana remembered with a faint smile. She gave Kiaran a look. “You’re everything to him, you know.”

Kiaran glanced back at the shack. “I know. And he’s everything to me,” he said quietly. “Gods, Tav… I don’t know what I’d do without him. I would be a monster if it wasn’t for him. I’d’ve given myself up to Bhaal willingly, and every living thing in the world would surely have been dead by now, or close to it.” He inhaled slowly. “I have to do this, you know? I have to make the world safe for him. He deserves that much, after all he’s done for me and for the world. But if I fail…”

Again, Taviana nodded her understanding. “It was the same with Astarion,” she said quietly. “I knew he would never heal as long as Cazador was there to salt his wounds, and that’s why… even though I was so scared of losing him, I knew we had to let him face his destiny. And even after the fight itself, I was terrified that I might still lose him. He would still have lived, yes, that was guaranteed the instant we subdued Cazador, but… the real Astarion? I almost lost him for good.”

Kiaran thought that over, Halsin’s words of praise after Kiaran had rejected Bhaal echoing in his mind. He’d told Kiaran he was free to be his true self at last. “I suppose, in that sense, I am lucky. Halsin’s moral compass has always pointed due north, and I’ve never had anything to fear from him. He’s always been the one who had to worry about me; I’ve never had to save him from himself.”

Taviana nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “Yes. But honestly, it wasn’t just the idea of him falling into evil, though that did scare me… It… It was what he’d have to give up to ascend in the first place. He’s always been so afraid of so many things, my Astarion… We bonded over that, because I was frightened, too. Of ceremorphosis, of dying, or losing any of you… I could be a coward sometimes.”

“You were not,” Kiaran said, voice sharp. “You are no such thing, Taviana.”

Tav ignored his protest. “I knew that if he went through with it, he never would have been able to see what life could be like without everything being put in those terms, would never be able to understand that all of existence wasn’t a never-ending struggle between the strong and the weak. If he had ascended… he would never have been able to learn that fear is a normal part of life, and what’s important is learning how to live with that.” Taviana swallowed hard, staring down into her lap. “He would always have been afraid, precisely because of going so far to avoid ever having to feel it again. You heard him talk about the paranoia of vampires… He would have been the worst of them all. He would have lost everything and gotten nothing in return, just the fantasy that he was gaining something important from his powers.”

“Halsin has been more afraid than I ever knew him to be, ever since he saw the patron of House Xiltael that day in Balder’s Gate,” Kiaran admitted. “At times the panic made him ill, even. And yet… he always seems to find a way through it, and he seems so hopeful, still, for our future. And I- I want to fight for it, Tav. I want to give him everything. He’s been through too much not to have it. I need to end this once and for all, so that his wounds can finally heal. Just like you needed it for Astarion.”

Taviana smiled, her eyes a bit teary, and whispered, “do you know what Astarion told me as we were walking here? ‘Darling, these months with you… they have been the counterweight to centuries of misery.’ Me! I did that for him. We still drive each other crazy sometimes; he just about pulls his hair out every time I try to talk him into spending time with my family, and I get frustrated with the lack of care he still shows the spawn sometimes… but he’s happy now, and getting better every day.” She reached behind her, and pulled out her cherished, worn violin. “Sometimes, when he’s upset and wants to relax, he just grabs old Abby here and puts ‘er in my hands, and I know that’s his way of telling me to play for him. He… He loves and trusts me enough to… to seek me out when he’s unhappy, and trusts that I’ll make it better.” She hugged her violin to her chest, and let out a deep, happy sigh as she closed her eyes. “He’s a complete and utter arsehole sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”

Kiaran smiled at her, and then turned his thoughts inward, a realization coming to him “What you said, about being just as afraid of Astarion losing himself as him dying… That was what Halsin was getting at earlier, wasn’t it?” he murmured. “When he said it was a relief that the Drow wanted to finish the sacrifice to Lolth as opposed to wanting to enslave him again? It seems so obvious in retrospect, but…”

“Yes,” Tav said softly. “Yes. I think so. There’s a lot worse things out there than just dying- even dying in a horrible, gruesome manner.”

“I understand it, and yet… Gods. I hate that that’s…” Kiaran shook his head, struggling to form words. “I am not usually so naive, and yet… I find myself… When I was Bhaal’s Chosen, I understood why everyone felt that way about me, but…” Words failed him, and with a sigh, he trailed off. He clenched his eyes shut.

“It’s alright. Sometimes we all can be shocked by cruelty,” Taviana murmured, reaching out to pat the back of Kiaran’s hand.

Kiaran’s eyes flew back open, and he fixed her with a look. “Even the former Chosen of the cruelest god of them all? Even one who used to torture and murder people every single day?”

“Especially them,” Taviana said, her voice unwavering. “Especially those who turned their back on that kind of evil, and who have dedicated their lives to atoning.”

“What if Halsin had met me back then, Tav?” Kiaran whispered, wrapping his arms around himself and nearly doubling over with the pain of it all. “What if I had found his Grove? Gods, I would have done far worse to him than those Drow ever did. I would have torn him apart. I would h-”

“-Stop, Kiaran,” Taviana murmured, setting a hand on Kiaran’s shoulder. Kiaran flinched, so she withdrew it, and then returned it to his shoulder when he relaxed again. “Please, stop, and breathe. Withers cured you of Bhaal’s influence. It doesn’t matter anymore… you didn’t meet Halsin back then, only when you were ready to become a new person. You didn’t harm him.”

“Didn’t harm h- ready to become- are you out of your mind, Tav?!” Kiaran cried. He let out a sound that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh. “I was no such thing. I brutally murdered your bard friend, in case you forgot, and didn’t feel a shred of remorse until a fortnight after the fact! I nearly killed Halsin the night the butler came to punish me for letting Isobel live!”

Taviana’s jaw tightened. “I didn’t forget Alfira, thank you very much,” she said stiffly. “And I saw what that vile butler tried to make you do. But I also saw how you transformed after you met Halsin, even if Bhaal was able to force you to stumble along the way, Kiaran! The bond you have is strong enough that he could have broken through Bhaal’s hold on you even before the tadpole. I know he would have.”

“Then you’re a sentimental fool,” Kiaran said shortly. “A fool who reads too many romances and doesn’t spend enough time in the real world, where children get murdered in broad daylight and innocent people get abused and enslaved. Where those things happen because of people like me.”

“What are you hoping to gain from this, Kiaran?” Tav asked, her voice sharper than ever, but lacking bite. “Do you want me to tell you that you are doomed to be just as bad as you were before, and to never worthy of him? Do you want me to tell you that you should give up on trying to be better, and you should stick to what you knew before?” She glanced back towards the shack. “I’ve seen how that kind of thing plays out, you know, that pushing people away because of how angry you are at yourself… thing. And it doesn’t work.”

Kiaran bit his lip. “I don’t care about any of that; I just want him to be okay,” he finally croaked out. “And I hate knowing that in another life, I would have done things to him just as horrific as what those Drow did, or worse. I would have been a fate he’d be better off dying than facing. Just… just like they were, back then…”

“They?” Taviana’s voice took on a new softness. Concern, Kiaran realized. “Who, Kiaran? What happened?”

Shaking his head, instantly regretting his slip-up, Kiaran stood. “Forget it, please. It’s best left behind as a reminder of the life I never want to revisit again, just like my Urge itself,” he said quietly.

Taviana looked crestfallen. “You lost someone you loved, didn’t you?”

“‘Lost.’” Kiaran gave a humorless laugh. “That’s one way of phrasing it. Like I just misplaced the ones who unwittingly took in a lost little Bhaalspawn. Look… Please, just forget it.” He took in a steadying breath. “Thank you for your company and insights and everything else. But I’m done talking now.”

“Alright. I’m sorry,” Taviana whispered, looking stricken. She stood as well, and made a motion like she was about to hug him, but then she changed her mind and stepped back instead. “Please… just remember… you aren’t that person anymore. You would sooner flay yourself alive than let any harm come to Halsin now. That’s why we’re all here now, right? This is who you really are. You’re the best thing to happen to him, not the worst.”

“Yes…” Kiaran turned his back to Tav, and shook his head slowly to clear it. “I suppose… I suppose that is true…” He balled his hands up into fists. Because as true as it may be that he would never dream of hurting Halsin now, there had been a night when just that, his worst nightmare, had come so close to happening. A night when he’d loomed over Halsin, laughing as he spelled out all the things he could do with a bear pelt like his, before he lapsed into feral attempts at biting and slashing at Halsin instead. If Halsin hadn’t had the fast reflexes he did, Kiaran would have killed him that night, and far more gruesomely than even Alfira. And after?

Kiaran grit his teeth, Sceleritas Fel’s words echoing in his brain. Always talking about how vile and rotten Kiaran was. Gleefully wondering when his master would return to his old ways, including his former love of violating corpses. He thought of the excitement in the vile little skeleton’s eyes every time he came to torment Kiaran.

Gods, what was he even doing here? In another life, Kiaran would have been Halsin’s undoing.

He hurried back to the small room he and Halsin shared, his breath catching as he watched the elf trance. His face was tranquil, and his breaths were slow and even. His meditations weren’t bringing him bad memories, then, Kiaran noted with relief.

First Kiaran sat next to him, and then he curled up at his side, arms wrapping tightly around Halsin’s middle, or as tightly as he could without disturbing the meditating elf. As much as the guilt plagued him, there was only one person whose comfort he would ever seek out, even if Halsin was the one he felt guilty towards to begin with. His efforts to avoid waking Halsin turned out to be in vain, though, as Halsin murmured a curious sound and wrapped one arm sleepily around Kiaran, a confused, “love?” escaping him.

“Sorry,” Kiaran whispered. “Sorry, love, I didn’t mean to wake you. Please, go back to sleep.” He stroked Halsin’s hair. “It’s alright.”

But rather than returning to his meditations, Halsin frowned and opened his eyes, carefully looking Kiaran over. “You’re upset, my heart,” he said matter-of-factly. “What troubles you?”

Kiaran properly settled into Halsin’s arms and heaved a sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he whispered. “I just... want to lie with you until I fall asleep. Please?”

For a moment, Halsin looked like he might argue, but something about Kiaran’s demeanor made him, thankfully, abandon the idea. “I can do that,” he said instead, and then he went quiet as he thought. “Did I ever tell you about the day I first met Thaniel?”

Kiaran smiled into Halsin’s shoulder, shamelessly using him as a pillow. There was, he thought with a faint smile, a reason the commune had immediately designated Halsin the children’s storyteller. He rested his ear over Halsin’s chest, listening to both his heartbeat and his words, and whispered, “No. I’d love to hear it.” Kiaran knew he shouldn’t be seeking comfort from Halsin, of all people, but it felt so nice that he couldn’t resist it. Halsin’s voice and arms settled the turbulent emotions inside him like nothing else could, and he clung desperately to it.

“Well, I was very small, about four, and I’d gone running outside, playing Ranger… Most of my siblings were Rangers, and so was my mother, before she settled down with my father. I’d just gotten my first training bow, and I was full of ideas of finding my own animal companion and joining my siblings on an adventure. So I set off into the woods…” Halsin smiled as he watched Kiaran’s eyes drift closed, though he fought sleep for the moment. Some things, Halsin mused, stayed the same, no matter what age one was, for he watched the same thing happen every day when he told the children their stories. It endeared him every time he saw it, no matter what age the person was. He stroked Kiaran’s hair, continuing his story until Kiaran had nodded off in his arms. Later he’d ask what had happened to upset him so, but for now he was content to know he’d calmed his partner down.

—

Once they had parted ways from Astarion and Taviana, Halsin found it hard to hide his eagerness to return to the surface; by the time the two pairs were out of each other’s sight, Halsin stopped trying to do so at all, and the emotion proved infectious as Kiaran started feeling a deep pull towards their home as well. They made excellent time; enough that soon after they exited the ground, they discovered, judging the sun’s position over them, that they had more than enough time to stop for lunch instead of idly nibbling on their provisions as they walked.

“Look, the inn’s open for the day,” Kiaran noted as they stepped onto the road they would be on for most of the way back to the commune. “I wonder if…” He trailed off in thought, and then said, “I’ll be right back.”

Halsin waited. Minutes later, he raised an eyebrow as Kiaran returned bearing a large picnic basket and a bottle of juice. “I wasn’t aware the inn sold picnic baskets,” he said in amusement.

“It’s the innkeeper’s private one. I bribed him to borrow it for an hour or two after I placed my order,” Kiaran said, walking over to a nearby clearing. They set the basket on a flat rock, and Halsin’s stomach began to rumble as he opened it up to reveal the assortment of food the innkeeper had packed.

“This is lovely. Thank you,” Halsin murmured, kissing Kiaran’s temple. “It was very thoughtful of you.” Reaching into the basket again, he retrieved a few wedges of cheese and some nuts, which he happily began snacking on.

Kiaran poured some juice into glasses, and wrapped one arm around Halsin’s shoulders. “You’re very welcome,” he whispered.

Halsin watched him from the corner of his eye, and finally ventured, “you sound… better than last night,” in a careful tone that made it clear he was testing to see if Kiaran felt up to talking about it.

Sighing, Kiaran pulled out a plate of fruit. “I do, love. Thank you; you calmed me,” he said softly. He looked away, hesitating. “Halsin,” he finally said, tone serious. “I- you… You’re so important to me. And I… After everything, I- I can’t let anything bad happen to you. And, I…” He looked down at the ground, biting his lip. “Love, knowing what I did before I broke free of Bhaal’s influence, the terrible things I used to relish doing- are you certain that this is what you want? That I am what you want?”

“Yes.” Halsin barely waited for Kiaran to finish his sentence before giving his answer. “Yes, I am certain. I… I know, love, exactly what you used to be. But that does not matter nearly as much to me as what you are now. The person you were died the instant Bhaal drained you of his essence.”

“Halsin,” Kiaran insisted, his stomach twisting. “If I had met you back then, I would have killed you. I would have tortured you, and I would have forced myself on you, if not when you were alive, then after your death, surely. I loved doing that too, back then. Violating corpses. The damned butler told me so.” He looked away, pained. “In another life, I would have been the worst fate you could meet.”

“Perhaps that is so, and perhaps, in another life, I would have been swayed to join the Shadow Druids’ ranks. But our life is neither of those,” Halsin said softly. “Why judge yourself based on what might have been, my heart? Why judge yourself based on the person you could have been and not the person you are now?”

Kiaran closed his eyes. “Because the person I am now exists only because of you, and… that never should have been on you. To… to fix me.” He hung his head. “You were already hurting so much; I never should have been your chore.”

“My love, where is this coming from?” Halsin’s voice was filled with worry and sorrow, and he tilted Kiaran’s chin up to look into his eyes. And then he frowned, eyes going wide as realization came over him. “You don’t think you are on the same level as my hosts, surely? Oh, love.” He pressed his lips to Kiaran’s temple, letting out a soft sound, not quite a sigh. “No, my heart. The person Bhaal forced you to be is gone, and in his place is someone I adore. Someone giving, and gentle, and capable of such kindness.” He gestured at the picnic basket.

“The person you are now,” Halsin continued, “helps care for the children at the commune, and the flock of ducks and other animals, and has made me,” he swallowed thickly, “the happiest I have ever been. Yes, you used to be horrible, once, but you are not that person any longer, and never will be again. Do not, for a single moment, forget how hard you fought to win control over yourself. And do not forget that, as you say, this was done for my sake more than yours. No truly evil person would do that. Do not forget that you risked everything to save the world, and all the good work you are doing now, helping me to help the children.” He pressed another kiss to Kiaran’s temple. “I am not the only person whose forgiveness you must seek out, but as you were worried about me in particular... I assure you that you have my forgiveness. You are forgiven for all your past misdeeds, my love.”

Kiaran’s shoulders slumped, not having realized just how badly he needed to hear those words. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you. I… I do not want to harm you, ever again. I’ll do anything to make sure no harm comes to you, by my hand or anyone else’s.”

“I know. What else am I to make of all this?” Halsin gestured around them. “As long as we have been together, you have been endlessly devoted to me, as I have been to you. It has never, for a single moment, gone unnoticed or been taken for granted, my love. I am happy for it, grateful for it, every day, as I know you are as well.” He stroked one hand through Kiaran’s hair, wincing, as he always did, as he felt the painful scars on the back of Kiaran’s head. “You need not worry, my heart- at least, not about yourself. We can only do so much about others…” He inhaled, fighting down the surge of fear that always swelled when he thought of the Drow. “But you? No. You have nothing to fear there.”

“Even now, you still take care of me,” Kiaran whispered, leaning into the touch with closed eyes. “Even now, when I know you are so afraid and hurting so much.”

“It is our way; this is our nature.” Halsin smiled and kissed the top of Kiaran’s head. “How do you feel now that you have spoken about this, love?”

“So much better.” Kiaran kissed Halsin with a smile. “And how are you?”

“I… am still frightened, I will not lie. But I am content. I am with you, and we will soon be home, telling the children their nightly story. I could ask for little more.” Halsin snuggled up against Kiaran, and began to nibble at a sandwich that had been packed. He glanced down at it, pulling a face. “The innkeeper’s assortment of cheeses are delicious, but the meat has seen better days, I am afraid,” he lamented. Shaking his head, he set it to the side and switched to the wedge of cheese instead.

“This inn is rather far from the nearest village; I think our commune is the closest. Probably they have trouble finding fresh enough meat for a wood elf’s sensitive tastes,” Kiaran said. “Here, to wash the taste away…” He held a glass of juice to Halsin’s lips.

Smiling, Halsin drank, and then leaned against Kiaran. He plucked a grape from the bunch in the basket, and held it up for Kiaran to eat in turn. “I am eager to return to our community, although…” He hummed thoughtfully. “I am a bit surprised at how… at how I have struggled just to be away for a single day. I was always such a restless, roaming bear at heart, and even during our trip to Baldur’s Gate some weeks ago, I did not feel this way.”

“I am not surprised,” Kiaran admitted. “Love, not every bear roams forever. Eventually, many settle, whether temporarily to hibernate, or for longer to raise cubs. It made sense that you too might feel a call to find your own permanent home eventually.”

It was so obvious, and yet it caught him by surprise anyway. “Cubs,” he repeated softly. Cubs. The ones he had now, and the ones he might, if he was lucky, be able to bring into the world one day. “Yes… you are right, I think.”

“When you talked of the Grove,” Kiaran went on, “you never, not once, referred to it as ‘home.’ I am sure it was in some way, but it always seemed… more like a temple you happened to live in than a true home. In comparison, our commune? It took you perhaps a month for you to begin referring to it as home. Our home.” He glanced at Halsin. “You are still as ursine as ever… you are simply a bear at a different part of your life than before, I think.”

It took every ounce of restraint Halsin had not to tell him everything right then, about just how right Kiaran really was about this. About how desperately Halsin wanted to add a baby to their family, and about the ways his instincts were shifting. What would Kiaran say, he wondered? Would he want that too, or would he be frightened at the possibility of their child inheriting Bhaal’s blood?

That thought made him pause, and his rational thoughts told him it just wasn’t the time. Not when Kiaran had just been so upset at his past as Bhaal’s Chosen. Halsin kissed Kiaran instead, his thoughts happily drifting when Kiaran cupped Halsin’s cheeks and kissed him back. His thoughts shifted again, returning to a state that he had only felt with Kiaran, and only recently. “And what,” he asked between kisses, left a bit uninhibited by the surge of emotions Kiaran’s words had caused before Halsin thought of Bhaal, “do you call a bear who aches for the weight of his collar again?”

Kiaran shivered. “When we get home,” he breathed against Halsin’s lips. “We are going to see the children, and tell them their story. And then I am going to show my kitten,” he stressed the word and kissed Halsin again, “just how important he is to me.”

Halsin all but purred in delight, kissing Kiaran deeper and rougher before pulling back. “That sounds perfect, love,” he said, kissing Kiaran one last time before realizing that if he continued, they would both become too aroused to continue their journey without… alleviating the issue first. And Halsin did want to get back as soon as possible. With one hand, he grabbed his glass of juice and held it to Kiaran’s lips, who laughed and took a sip. Then he returned the gesture, and Halsin smiled as he sipped on the sweet juice.

When they had finished most of their lunch, besides the meats that they had no desire to finish, Kiaran hummed and packed up what would keep on the rest of their journey. The rest, he tossed off towards some distant scavengers. “Well then, love. Back to the road?” he suggested, standing.

Nodding, Halsin returned to his side, and they returned to the path. “I am eager to return,” he said softly.

“I know you are, sweet thing.” Kiaran chuckled, affection written on every line of his face. “Mama bears will always miss their cubs when they’re away.”

Halsin paused, just for a moment, but managed to not reveal his surprise- both at the choice of words, and at the excited thrum he felt inside. “Indeed,” he said instead. “It… it feels like much, much longer has passed than a single night.”

“A lot has happened in a single day,” Kiaran pointed out. “And you have so rarely left the commune to begin with- and certainly not since you found your instincts had become so different from what you always knew.”

Halsin pressed one hand to the spot where the collar Kiaran had found for him would meet his lower neck, when he wore it. “I think you were right before- what you said about my instincts still being the same ursine ones, just expressed differently,” he admitted softly. “That I am just reaching the part of my life where I am at last ready to settle. Or, perhaps, that always was my nature, and it was simply waiting to reveal itself with your aid.” He closed his eyes, just for a moment, and let his mind return to the dream he had envisioned the night before last.

“Whether you wish to roam or not, Halsin… I hope you know that my love for you will remain the same,” Kiaran said softly. “You don’t need to prove anything to me, or be anything to keep it.”

“Thank you, love,” Halsin murmured, smiling at him. “I knew that about you, but it warms my heart to hear it all the same.” He squeezed Kiaran’s hand, and glanced upwards, watching the lazily drifting clouds. Sunlight. Fresh air. “It should not bother me so, but… After the Shadow Curse, I made myself be something I was not for so long that I forgot it wasn’t who I was. When I met you, you helped me find who I could be without the Curse and without the politics of the Grove… and yet, as familiar as it felt to return to what I was before, it still did not feel right- did not feel permanent. Like a soon-to-be-shed snakeskin, I suppose.”

“Because… Because you didn’t have your purpose yet? Because you didn’t have the family you wanted?” Kiaran asked, frowning in confusion.

Halsin made a thoughtful noise, considering the question. “No,” he finally said. “I did feel I was lacking a purpose, but it did not take me long to find it in the downtrodden of the city. And from the day the Curse was broken, I knew that I had a family. I had you.” He glanced sideways at Kiaran. “So it was not those things, or at least, not entirely.”

“Children of your own, though,” Kiaran pointed out, remembering the day they had met Jaheira’s family. “They didn’t come until later.”

Halsin nodded. “It was a part of the puzzle, certainly. But there was so much more to it than that. When I was with you, I… I finally realized, for the first time, that I could be something else. For the first time since the Curse, I could truly be anything, and I felt- I felt almost the way I did when I first came of age, like the world had opened up in ways I could never have dreamed of. Still, I was frightened to stray so much from what I had made myself be for so long. But I strayed more than I ever dared before.”

“And now you’re pushing more than you did then, shedding that snakeskin that was part of you for so long so you can grow a newer, healthier one,” Kiaran said quietly.

“And therein lies part of the problem. I know these changes- both the ones within me, and the ones without- are for the best. Yet there are so many of them, and they feel overwhelming at times,” Halsin admitted. “I like to think that I am a fluid person capable of dealing with change, but this… has been a lot of change in a short time. Still…” He considered for a moment. “I am, I think, very ready to shed the expectations from when I was Archdruid that I have still been holding onto. I missed a great many things before- nature, a chance to have a family, even the very idea of fun.” He smiled wryly. “The children have returned that last one to me post haste.”

Kiaran laughed. “I never met a father who enjoyed playing hide-and-seek more than his children, before you. I think you might grow sadder when bedtime comes than they do.”

“No. Bedtime is when I tell them their stories, after all,” Halsin replied, eyes crinkling as he beamed. Those were the smiles Kiaran loved more than anything, where it felt like Halsin’s entire soul had been wrapped in a blanket. “It is when I am able to tuck them all in, give hugs and kisses to those who want them, and calm the ones who are frightened. And then we return home, and I fall asleep with someone I love deeply. That is the time when I love our new life together the most.”

Kiaran felt it stronger than ever when Halsin spoke, that deep, loving, nurturing part of Halsin. It was almost something tangible, like the moments before Halsin would take on a wild shape. Like he was connecting to some deep and primal part of himself.

Kiaran hummed thoughtfully, and then leaned forward, grabbing Halsin’s hand gently to stop him. “Such a sweet mama bear you are,” he said, testing something. He’d said things close before, like when he playfully called Halsin a mother hen, but back then, Halsin had said it first, not Kiaran. He wanted to see if Halsin would enjoy it again this time, if what he had said a few minutes before would repeat.

As Kiaran thought he would, Halsin blinked at first, like he was making sure he’d heard correctly. But then he smiled, and kissed Kiaran deeply. It was the same kind of smile he’d given the first time Kiaran had called him ‘little’ and ‘cute’ during their bedroom games- like Halsin was relieved to be allowed to be something else than he had before, happy to have a partner who saw something in him besides the strict roles he worked to fit in.

And hells, Kiaran would do anything to keep giving that to him. He felt something shift inside him too, some feeling he could never quite put words to that he felt when taking care of Halsin. It usually included arousal, but there was some other dimension to it he could never articulate, just some fierce but vague desire to give and make sure Halsin had everything he wanted.

He stroked over the spot on Halsin’s neck where his collar would lie during their games. “Good boy,” he said, eyes full of heat as he stared into Halsin’s eyes. “My good kitten, aren’t you? Even when you aren’t wearing this?” The words came from that place deep inside him; the part of him that felt like it was burning up every time he made Halsin happy, sexually or otherwise.

“L-Love,” Halsin said, swallowing hard, fighting back the headspace he always slid into whenever Kiaran spoke this way. “If you- I will not be able to hold back, and we are out in the open-”

Kiaran eased back, stroking the back of Halsin’s hand with his thumb. “Halsin,” he said, quiet, but firm. “If you want to wait until we get home, I will be more than happy to, and I shall not call you your special name again until then. But if you want this now, we can more than make it work without being caught. Remember- you made love to me in your bear form without us being caught. If we could do that, we can do anything, I think.” He used his free hand to stroke Halsin’s cheek, pleased to feel the heat from his deep blushing radiating off it. “What do you truly want?”

Halsin glanced skyward, gauging the time from the sun’s position, and then he glanced back as if to assess their progress. Kiaran watched the mental math he performed before Halsin finally croaked out, “please, Sir. I want this.”

“Good kitten,” Kiaran rumbled, eyes brightening with intensity. “Follow me.”

Chapter Text

Arousal burned inside of Halsin like a raging bonfire as he patiently waited for Kiaran to return their rented picnic basket back to the inn owner. He felt himself growing rapidly harder and wetter as he waited, and he started to restlessly shift his weight from one foot to the other as thoughts filled his mind. Kiaran’s hands, all over Halsin’s body. His mouth warm and wet on all of Halsin’s favorite spots. His voice, low and dark, commanding Halsin to-

Gods, he could hardly stand the wanting.

When Kiaran finally returned, he immediately grabbed Halsin’s hand, and Halsin held onto it, letting the other guide him into the nearby wooded area. It wasn’t the sort of wilderness Halsin craved, the trees not nearly dense enough for his liking, but it would do nicely.

Excitement, rather than exertion, rendered Halsin nearly breathless by the time Kiaran stopped under a copse, well-shaded and hidden from any travelers who might be in the area. He stared down at Kiaran through his lashes, fighting not to reach for him and pull him closer, aching for Kiaran’s touch to cool the burning arousal inside him.

“Undress,” Kiaran ordered, tone deceptively simple. As he spoke, he did the same himself. Halsin complied at once, moving quickly, but gracefully, knowing Kiaran loved to watch moments like this. Looking on at him, Kiaran breathed, “My kitten.” He drank in every detail of Halsin’s body as though it was a new sight. “My precious little kitten.”

The intensity was nearly too much. Not usually one for modesty, Halsin still felt the raw vulnerability as he bared himself to Kiaran; he felt exposed far deeper than just his body. He closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself. “Sir,” he whispered, his pulse quickening- but not from fear, never from fear, just as he’d assured Kiaran their first time together, when Kiaran had let Halsin unshackle every ursine instinct he worked so hard to restrain the rest of the time.

“What do you want, sweet thing?” Kiaran asked, stepping forward. He held Halsin’s chin between his thumb and his forefinger.

“You.” Halsin squeezed Kiaran’s free hand, shivering lightly. “You, inside me. You, making me submit. Please, Sir.”

“And what kind of kitten do you want to be tonight? Do you want to be my good boy, or do you want to be one in need of training?” Kiaran emphasized the word, signaling to Halsin that what he really wanted to know was if Halsin wanted to pretend not to want it or not.

What did he want? The possibilities were somehow even more overwhelming than usual, so much that he felt nearly drunk as he tried to think of them all. Voice dropping back to a whisper, he said, “This seems like a place prey would be easily caught in. So close to civilization- weaker animals might cease to see people as a threat.”

Slowly, watching Halsin’s face for a reaction, Kiaran unsheathed one of his shortswords, and he barely suppressed a smirk when Halsin shuddered, legs subconsciously parting ever so slightly. That told Kiaran all he needed to know. He pressed the sharp edge of his sword to Halsin’s throat, tilting his head back with a rough tug of his hair, though without any real force yet. “Yes, it does seem a dangerous place for poor, helpless kittens,” Kiaran said, breathing hard. “It would almost be too easy for a Beast Master to claim one as a prize. But not so easy as to bore me. You’d fight, you’d let me feel your teeth and claws, wouldn’t you?”

Halsin shuddered, nodding wordlessly. Slick pulsed out between his legs. “Yes,” he groaned. “As long as you allowed me to feel the bite of your blade in turn.”

“Oh, kitten, you’ll feel that and more.” Kiaran pressed the blade just a bit closer, drawing tiny beads of blood from the contact points on Halsin’s neck. “If you give me a really good fight, I might even fuck you with the hilt again. But only if you’re a very good kitten.” With his free hand, he stroked Halsin’s cheek. “If you’re lucky, I might even fuck you raw with it until you can’t walk.”

Halsin openly moaned, eyes drifting closed. But he felt a roar of disapproval from the bear, tiny gold specks appearing in Halsin’s eyes when he opened them again. “The bear,” he whispered. “The bear is… still resistant. And we’ve not brought our sussur bark with us to make a potion.”

Kiaran thought for a moment as he withdrew the blade. “Halsin,” he finally said, making Halsin blink a moment as he registered the changing of address, “Love, can you do something for me? Transform for me, and let the bear have… not full control, but more than usual. Maybe if I talk to the bear directly… it might help?”

Halsin considered the request. While the bear was fighting this, it also wasn’t ready to attack on sight. He would be able to retain enough control to wrestle the bear back if it tried to harm Kiaran, he was sure. What he was less sure of was if it would actually help in any way. “It… would not make it worse, I suppose," Halsin finally agreed. He took in a breath, eased himself to all fours, and let the gold light erupt from his body as he shifted.

Kiaran watched. He knew the bear would still be able to hear him when Halsin was in his normal form, just as how Halsin could hear him in bear form, but he also knew the bear would be more in control at the moment. And that meant he had to be careful about preparing what he was going to say. It would have to be done delicately, but not so delicately that the bear wouldn’t understand there was a problem.

“Hello there, bear,” Kiaran murmured, stepping forward. “Listen… I know that Halsin talked to you already. And I know you’re frightened after all the two of you have been through.” He reached out towards the bear slowly enough that he could withdraw it if the bear protested.

The bear grunted without a word, not even an ursine one a Speak With Animals spell could translate, and Kiaran sighed. “Please,” he said softly. “Surely you know that this won’t truly hurt you? It’s pain he enjoys very much, and as soon as we’re done, I’ll use a healing spell. Can’t you feel how much he craves this?”

That finally got the bear to respond, and it huffed indignantly. Do not lie to me! You never heal him when you play these ‘games.’ Never! I feel the cuts on him every time I return.

Kiaran winced. It made sense that the bear wouldn't understand why the sussur prevented healing, seeing as he always vanished when Halsin drank it. “The wounds aren’t healed right away because the sussur is usually still in his system, and your return is our first sign that a healing spell can work.” Kiaran explained calmly. “When we learn from your presence that the sussur is gone, and any time we play without him having to take it, I heal him at the first opportunity. If you allow us to continue with you here, I will cast Cure Wounds immediately when we’re done, so you can see.” He frowned at the bear’s impassive reaction- the bear huffing and turning away. “Please,” he said softly. “Please, believe me.”

The bear shook its head. What they did to him… maybe he’s confused enough to think it feels good. But I’m not. I know what hurts and what feels good and cuts and bruises aren’t that. The bear straightened, glaring at Kiaran. I can’t stop you from sending me away again. But if I’m here, I’m not letting you hurt him.

Kiaran frowned, worrying on his lower lip. It made sense. He hated it, but he also knew exactly why the bear had reached this point, and he couldn’t blame the bear for this, even if he wished it was different.

“… How about this, bear?” Kiaran finally suggested. “What if… what if you had a word to stop this, too, just like Halsin does? If you become too frightened, you can get his attention, and make him- us- stop this.” He gently set his hands on either side of the bear’s face, and began to gently stroke its fur. “Halsin told me what they did to you. You’ve been so strong to get through it. And I’m sorry you haven’t had anyone, besides Halsin, to help with the wounds you’ve had. But maybe this will help you too, just like it’s helped him? And if it doesn’t, you can stop it. And we won’t continue without the sussur again.”

I don’t want to be sent away again. The bear’s face was conflicted, heartbreak and fear on its face. I don’t want to hide- I just don’t want us to be hurt again!

"I know. You’ve protected him so well, and I appreciate it very much,” Kiaran said softly. “But… do you remember our first night together? I let the two of you have me in your form, because I know you're a part of him, and I love all parts of him. Do you remember how I felt, taking you? It hurt because you're so big like this, but I also enjoyed it very much. I enjoyed the physical sensations, and I enjoyed getting to know Halsin’s true self- getting to know you. You two are parts of each other, just like Thaniel and Oliver are parts of the same whole. I trusted you all the way back then because I could see what you really are, and I loved both of you even back then. Can’t you trust me, too?”

The bear was quiet for a long while. It snuffled and used one paw to dig aimlessly at the ground. I can’t trust you completely. Not yet.

Kiaran bit his lip, nodding. Maybe he’d been a fool to press his luck like this. The bear had no context for what they were doing, after all; dominance and submission was one thing, but this game was entirely another, and far too close to home for the frightened bear. How could he expect the bear to understand, even if it liked Kiaran well enough for the rest of it?

Kiaran pushed down his disappointment, and instead stroked under the bear’s chin, scratching at the coarse fur. “Thank you, then, for listening,” he said softly. “We can wait to play our game until we return home and make a new sussur potion. We would never do anything to harm or frighten you- just as you and Halsin promised me that night, and as you and I are determined to be true for Halsin, too.”

The bear frowned. It stepped back, gazing up at Kiaran, not in a threatening way, but in a contemplative one. It dug more at the ground, using its claws to make little circles and squares and triangles in the dirt. Was it really the same for you?

“The first night?” Kiaran asked for affirmation. The bear nodded, and Kiaran answered with a nod of his own as he said, “Yes. Yes, it was. It was frightening and exhilarating. But through it all- I never had even a moment of doubt that I was safe. That even unrestrained, even not holding back, you would never harm me in ways magic couldn’t heal. I could feel the love you had for me, and the desperate need to have me from both of you, even back then. And it’s only grown in the months since.”

Another silence fell. Kiaran could see the bear’s thoughts uneasily tumbling about in his skull; could see the way the bear’s fear of being hurt wrestled with the love Kiaran and Halsin both felt for each other. He shows me it, sometimes, the bear finally said, gazing at the grass. Lets me feel what he feels for you. He… has loved before, has had too many mates to count. But none like you. If he… lost you, I don’t think he’d ever be happy again. You have the power to hurt him worse than anyone he’s ever known. And if you do, I’ll make sure you regret it.

Kiaran made a thoughtful noise. His ego purred with the praise, the confirmation that he meant more than any of Halsin’s previous lovers- how could it not?- but the rational part of him focused on what was really being said: “You’re special to him. Don’t fuck this up.” Not just in their bedroom games, but in their relationship as a whole, too.

He could have laughed in other circumstances, because he had never imagined that a Druid’s personified animal spirit would give him a gods damned shovel talk.

But that was where they were, and his job now was to convince the bear that Halsin’s faith in him was well-placed. “I would never,” he whispered. “I would never hurt him, or you. All I want is for both of you to feel as happy as I am now.”

The bear stared at Kiaran for a long while. Probably he was used to being intimidating, even to other Druids, and expected that any lie Kiaran might be telling would buckle. But Kiaran stood resolute, waiting.

… I don’t know if I can trust anyone the way he does, the bear said again. But I can trust you enough to give you a chance, for him. I think he really… does want this. Misguided or not.

Kiaran smiled. “Thank you,” he whispered, stroking the bear’s fur more. “I won’t betray your trust, I promise. Now, can you give Halsin control again, please?”

With another burst of gold light, Halsin returned to elven form. “Well done,” he said softly. “I can feel it; the bear is not fully convinced yet, but he is truly willing to give this a chance.”

“He’s been through a lot, just like my sweet kitten has,” Kiaran murmured, stroking Halsin’s hair the same way he had done for the bear’s fur a moment ago. “But he’ll see how good it makes you feel when you submit. Won’t he, kitten?”

“Yes, Sir,” Halsin whispered, eyes getting hazy again. The hunger returned to his eyes, but it went a step beyond that now, into outright desperation. As though it had been weeks since he’d been touched.

Kiaran beamed. “Good boy.” He leaned up to kiss Halsin’s forehead. “Now, I think we were just discussing what a gorgeous, helpless little prey you are.” He eyed the small beads of blood on Halsin’s neck. Leaning forward, he lapped at them, eyes drifting closed in bliss. He vaguely wondered how Halsin’s blood would taste to a vampire, if it tasted this delicious to Kiaran as he was.

Halsin let out a loud moan when Kiaran moved to his throat and dug his teeth into the knife marks from before. “Oh… Sir, Sir please…” he groaned, shuddering hard.

Kiaran watched Halsin for a moment. He bit Halsin again, to a whimper of pleasure, before pulling back. “Do you want to be chased and caught, kitten?” Then, in a lower voice: “You’re certain your bear will allow it?”

Halsin thought. Simple chase games were one thing, but something like this, where he would be playing a prey, would be far more frightening to the bear. He felt an irritated huff from the bear within, its patience clearly having worn thin, but he also felt a promise that the bear wouldn't interfere in this if it could help it. It would try its best, and that was enough for Halsin. Shivering in anticipation, Halsin whispered, “he will, Sir. I know he will.” He let out a noise, not quite a whine, but still fill of need and desperation, and he reached out for Kiaran, trying to pull him for a kiss. “Please, Sir…”

“Sweet, needy little thing, aren’t you?” Kiaran murmured as he indulged him, pressing his lips to Halsin’s before sliding his tongue inside. Halsin moaned into it, and when Kiaran rocked his hips forward, he was met with his partner’s painfully hard cock. He ground his hip into it, earning a deeper groan. Kiaran cupped Halsin’s cheeks in his hands, and then pulled back. “Thirty second head start, kitten. If you escape- which you won’t- I’ll let your bear have me. When I find you,” he let go of Halsin’s face ground one palm against Halsin’s cock, and smirked when Halsin let out a whine of need, “I’m going to tie you to a tree by your waist and have my way with you.”

Halsin’s breathing was hard and fast already, like he’d already been running. Eyes closed, he panted, clearly already wrapped up in imagining all the things Kiaran would do to him.

It was too perfect an opportunity to waste. Kiaran pulled back, which would have alerted Halsin if he’d been watching. It wasn’t fair at all, what Kiaran was about to do, but then, it was hardly Kiaran’s fault if his sweet kitten actually expected him to play fair. “Time starts now, kitten,” he growled, stepping back enough to allow Halsin to dart in any direction he wanted.

It took a few seconds for it to register. Then Halsin’s eyes went wide as he realized just how many of his precious 30 seconds he’d already wasted. Then, in a remarkably inelegant display for such a graceful elf, he scrambled, nearly tripping over himself, and bolted to the north.

Kiaran laughed, watching him. “Good luck, my cute little kitten,” he called tauntingly to Halsin’s retreating back. For a moment, he thought about what was to come when he caught his Druid, wondering whether he should still tie him up to take him, or force Halsin on all fours and pound into him from behind instead. But, he thought, he did the latter all the time, and he felt confident Halsin would enjoy being fucked in a situation he never had before very, very much. He could always put Halsin in his favorite position again later.

That just left the question of how he’d take Halsin down. He didn’t want to risk provoking the bear inside by shooting an arrow, though the idea did make heat coil in his belly. Another time, he told himself. He could try luring his little prey into a trap of some kind, but the sweet thing would be able to sense a trap from a mile away. That left an Ensnaring Strike, which he’d recently taught himself, or even just outright tackling if that didn’t work and if Kiaran could find Halsin’s center of gravity to destabilize him.

Deciding it had been close enough to thirty seconds, Kiaran sprinted off the direction he’d seen Halsin go. His path carefully avoided the small settlement that contained the inn they had gotten their lunch from, which Kiaran was grateful for. He doubted either he or Halsin would be able to reign in their instincts enough for polite society's tastes.

He watched the ground, but his clever kitten had wisely cast Pass Without Trace on himself, correcting the disadvantage his excitement had caused. Still, Kiaran noticed that there had been tracks heading this direction before his kitten had remembered to conceal himself, and that narrowed down the possibilities. Further, Kiaran had Hunter’s Mark prepared for whenever he felt sure he was close enough. Pass Without Trace couldn’t hide the snapping of twigs if his pet got careless. Halsin would have to choose between speed and stealth, and with Halsin already being so worked up that it had taken him nearly his full grace period to remember to use Pass Without Trace, Kiaran felt confident he’d choose raw speed and become rather sloppy in the process.

Kiaran tilted his head at a sound off in the distance. A squawking bird, clearly unhappy, and rustling feathers. He smirked, baring his teeth, and charged forward. “Disturbing the wildlife, are we, kit-” he started to taunt, only to stop short. There was nothing at all here- no bird, and no sign Halsin had even been here, not even the signs Pass Without Trace couldn’t cover.

He frowned, watching the sky, and then realization came over him. “Oh, you clever thing,” he said under his breath. “That’ll show me to forget to forbid wildshaping during our little game, won’t it?” He shook his head in disbelief. He doubted Halsin would truly fly away to win their game- he wanted to be caught. But he wanted to make it difficult for Kiaran, wanted it to be earned. And Kiaran was happy to oblige, not only for Halsin’s sake, but also because the hunter inside Kiaran was fuming at the blow to his pride. He hadn’t spent decades honing his skills as a Gloom Stalker just to be outsmarted like this.

“I thought I was hunting a kitten, not a falcon. You could at least make it fair, little kittycat,” Kiaran called out softly, but it was more taunting than anything. “It’s not my fault you were so eager to be claimed that you tripped over yourself like a clumsy newborn deer, now is it?”

From the distance came the sound of magic bursting in the air- like the sound that preceded wildshaping- and then the sound of hooves on hard ground.

“Feeling awful cheeky for someone who’s going to be begging to be fucked in two minutes,” Kiaran growled, sprinting towards the noise. Deer could run quite fast, but there was one disadvantage Halsin had inflicted on himself to taunt Kiaran; wildshaping took time, especially when one was already in animal form and had to dismiss it to transform again. Halsin had cost himself precious ground just for this trick, and Kiaran was sure that was deliberate.

“If that’s what you really want, kitten, you could just save yourself the trouble and surrender,” he teased back. “Come up to me for your pettings and then let me take my prize. No need to exhaust yourself running from the inevitable.” His heart hammered in his chest, constricted pupils following the line of trees ahead of him. He heard the distant hoofbeats and chuckled. “No? Well… your choice, but just remember how you chose when you’re spread out under me and begging for my cock, pet.” He panted out the words, finding himself getting winded after sprinting for so long.

Another whoosh of magic. Kiaran raised his eyebrows, but kept in the same direction. Gone were the hoofbeats, but he didn’t hear the sounds of humanoid feet on the ground either. He could hear some sort of noise from the trees in the distance, though. Maybe Halsin had returned to the form of a falcon.

He continued forward, but the treeline was approaching, and he knew without a doubt Halsin wouldn’t leave tree-cover. Kiaran had overshot, somehow. Swearing under his breath, he stepped back into the woods, but this time he went slower, and instead of the ground, his eyes stayed on the high canopy of trees, looking for uncamouflaged animals. He could see little movements periodically, but all were too well hidden for Kiaran to definitively say what they were. But they were low enough to the ground that he could certainly investigate. Cock throbbing between his legs, Kiaran stepped on a low branch and began to climb. “If I fall and get injured trying to retrieve you, kitten, I will be very cross with you,” he growled in warning. “You’re already good as caught. I’m giving you twenty seconds to climb down and surrender.”

Of course, Halsin didn’t move a muscle, and Kiaran huffed. “Have it your way, kitten,” he said, ascending higher until he saw-

There, nestled comfortable on a thick branch, was a small, fluffy, light grey cat. The exact color Halsin’s cat wildshape was. He laughed dangerously, smirking down at the cornered pet. “My, my. Someone really wants to push their luck today, don’t they?” He asked lightly, scooping Halsin up, to a loud hiss. “Oh, hush. You wouldn’t’ve pulled that stunt if you didn’t want this,” he scolded. In reply, Halsin bit Kiaran’s wrist, and the Ranger instantly scruffed Halsin. “That’s enough, kitten,” he said sharply. “Now, I’m going to climb down, and you are going to behave. Then, when we reach the ground, you are going to dismiss your wildshape. Disobey, and you’ll be punished.” He tilted Halsin’s head back slightly. “Meow if you understand.”

An unhappy-sounding meow slipped out, and Kiaran openly laughed. “Hush now. You know it won’t be that bad, pet,” he said, brushing over Halsin’s cheek with his thumb. “Don’t be sore just because you got too overconfident and lost. That falcon trick was clever, I’ll give you that, but I think you just demonstrated what happens when a pup catches their own tail, hmm? They’re lost. Don’t know what to do with themself.” He pulled Halsin into his arms, holding him close as he leaned against the tree, letting gravity hold him as he readjusted his footing for the ascent down. “I think it would be safest if you rested on my shoulders, kitten,” he said, tapping one finger against the soft pads of Halsin’s front left paw. With a grumbly sort of meow, Halsin complied, draping himself over Kiaran’s shoulders, and he was rewarded when Kiaran nuzzled his cheek affectionately. Halsin hesitated before returning it, and eventually started to purr.

“There we are. I knew you’d see sense,” Kiaran praised. He let Halsin settle before starting his own descent, which was much slower than the climb up had been. Eventually, when he was close enough to ground height, Kiaran simply leapt off the low branch and onto the ground, Halsin held securely in his arms. “You make quite a handsome kitten. Maybe I should let you be on the receiving end of wildshape sex, for once,” he murmured, coaxing Halsin’s jaw open before sliding his thumb over Halsin’s bumpy tongue. Halsin shivered. “Unfortunately, you’re far too small like this, and I don’t feel like just teasing you today. I’ve earned my prize.” He set Halsin on the ground, waiting expectantly. “And I’ll be taking it now.”

For a moment, the fluffy cat simply glared defiantly at him. But finally he relented, letting the golden light fizzle over him as he returned to elven form.

And within a second, he growled, lunged, and tackled Kiaran to the ground.

Ah-ha. Now it all made sense. Halsin didn’t just want to be caught- he wanted to be wrestled into submission too. He’d simply thrown the first stage to give himself an edge on the second.

“Do you ache to be punished this desperately, you naughty little minx?” Kiaran panted under Halsin. “You could have just asked. But if this is the way you want it…” He grunted with effort and managed to slide out from under Halsin. Quickly, before Halsin had fully registered the move, he managed to jump back to his feet. Now he’d be prepared and with a chance to strike when Halsin stood as well.

And that was just what he did. Halsin used his arms to push himself upwards, and Kiaran used the chance to push at Halsin’s side. He wasn’t nearly strong enough to knock him over, but it did knock him just enough off-balance that he had to reposition his arms to find his grasp again.

Kiaran used that time to shove again, and this time he did succeed in pushing Halsin to his side. From there, he forced Halsin the rest of the way onto his back, and he climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. He grabbed Halsin’s wrists gently, holding them, but loose enough that he could break free if he wanted. Panting to catch his breath, Kiaran leaned forward. “Do you have any other tricks up your sleeve, kitten, or are you ready to accept you’ve been caught by a superior tracker?” Not willing to leave that answer truly up to Halsin, Kiaran used his free hand to unsheathe his sword and press it against Halsin’s throat again. Halsin growled, rocking his hips to try and dislodge Kiaran, but only succeeded in making the knife press deeper into his neck, drawing another rivulet of blood.

“Disappointing. I was expecting you’d fight better on your own turf- I shouldn’t’ve been able to out-wrestle you that easily, even if you are just a prey,” Kiaran tutted. “But then, I suppose you deserve some credit..." He let Halsin’s arms go, and instead let his newly freed hand slide between Halsin’s legs, pressing against the hard bulge. “It can’t've been easy to get this far when you’re this pent-up, hmm?” Halsin moaned, unable to resist rubbing against Kiaran’s hand. “Now, do I punish you for being so disobedient, or do I reward you for being such a clever, adorable little kitten?” He pulled his knife back, humming thoughtfully.

Halsin gave a silent answer for him, using the opportunity to scratch at Kiaran’s face. Nowhere near his eyes, and not nearly deep enough to scar, but enough to send the message that Halsin still wanted to be forced into submission. Kiaran hissed in pain, but responded at once, sliding the knife over Halsin’s side to make a long but shallow cut. “Then I guess that answers that, kitten.” With a growl, he cast Ensnaring Strike, letting the vines hold Halsin. Dismounting, he wrapped the rope around Halsin’s waist, and then walked over to a nearby tree with a trunk sturdy enough to hold Halsin’s weight, but thin enough for the rope to fit around it. He tied the ropes loosely- enough that Halsin could move, but only towards the tree. Then he stood over Halsin, arms folded around his chest. “I am going to stop the spell, kitten, and you are going to follow.” He pointed at the tree. “You are going to take your punishment without a fuss, and then we’ll see if I still feel like rewarding such a disobedient pet by claiming him. Maybe I’ll just leave you wet and achingly empty instead after that display.”

Halsin growled, but he complied when the vines vanished, allowing Kiaran to tighten the rope the closer Halsin got to the tree until it was taut against him. Kiaran stared down at him for a moment, trying to decide on a suitable punishment, and stalled for time by shaking his head. “The most feral prey are always the most fun to tame. You’re quite the fiery one for being such a pathetically weak kitten,” he taunted, tilting Halsin’s chin up. He could feel Halsin’s excitement, could feel the anticipation making his blood pump hot and fast in his veins. “But you’ve been caught all the same. Now spread your legs, little prey, and let me see just what I’ve caught myself.”

Halsin shivered, but he let his legs fall open, exposing his warm, wet cunt to the air, making the shiver grow deeper. Kiaran chuckled, settling between Halsin’s legs. He grabbed Halsin’s cock first, testing the weight of first it, and then his balls in his hand. “Mm. Nice size,” he said, squeezing his balls tight until Halsin cried out. “Hush. You did this to yourself,” he barked, slapping Halsin’s cock hard. Halsin gave another cry. Kiaran watched him before repeating it, less harshly, but still more than enough to remind his sub of his place. He let one last sharp slap land, then turned his attention lower. He slid his finger over Halsin’s folds, gathering up slick. “Mm. Nice and fertile,” he noted.

He’d have to be blind to miss the way Halsin’s entire body shuddered at that comment, and deaf to miss the whine that escaped him. Kiaran’s grin turned predatory as he leaned forward. “Oh, is that what you want?” He whispered. “You want the whole world to know what a fertile kitten you are?” He punctuated the question by flicking Halsin’s clit, making him groan helplessly. “Maybe after you’re big enough to have your first heat, we’ll see what use we can put this to.” He poked Halsin’s clit with one fingernail, savoring every cry, every groan, every jerk of Halsin’s knees. Oh, if only he’d thought to buy some kind of toy for this, like he had bought the nipple clamps. If only he’d brought those- but he’d never expected this when they set out. He’d expected a somber, subdued trek home, if not an anxious and restless one. Still, he could keep this in mind for next time. He continued using one hand to torment Halsin’s stiff clit while his other hand cupped Halsin’s cunt, then started finger-fucking it roughly. Halsin’s walls clamped down hard with every thrust, and it took only seconds for precum to start beading on the head of his heavy cock.

Kiaran flicked that, too, relishing Halsin’s groans, before returning to his clit. He pinched and tugged on it, then leaned all the way forward. He lapped over it with his tongue to soothe the sensitive, tormented bump, and then let his teeth graze over it, again and again until the kitten sobbed and pulled at Kiaran’s hair in desperation. Kiaran moved back- and then immediately repeated the process on Halsin’s cock. Nibbling on the foreskin until the Druid thrashed, letting teeth torment the head of his cock. Kiaran even bit gently at Halsin’s balls, though he winced in sympathy as he did.

“Sir, please!” Halsin wailed, the first time he’d spoken since their game. “Please, I-” Kiaran stopped at once and pulled back, waiting to see how the sentence ended. But instead of using their word, the next words out of Halsin’s mouth were, “please, I’ll be good, Sir!”

“Oh, kitten.” Kiaran just sighed as he sat back on his knees, shaking his head. "You had every chance to be good. I offered to take care of you and give you the pettings you craved, but you insisted on making more trouble for me. It’s far too late for that now. But I think I’ve made my point enough to stop this punishment. Now it’s time to mark you as my pet, forever.” He picked up his sword again, and lightly jabbed Halsin’s inner thigh. “Once you’re mine, kitten, that means you get to enjoy my protection. It means no other hunter or wild predator will ever claim my cute little pet. You don’t belong in these wilds; you belong curled up in my lap or at my feet, spoiled like you deserve. Doesn’t that sound like a far better, more comfortable existence? I’ll give you as many pettings as your little heart desires.” He scratched at Halsin’s scalp lightly. In response, Halsin closed his eyes in contentment, leaning against the hand, and giving a noise that was as close as an elf could get to a purr.

“Good boy,” Kiaran murmured, leaning forward to kiss Halsin’s lips. “So good for me. You’ll be my good boy forever, won’t you? Speak, kitten.”

“Mm…” Halsin sounded almost distant. Like he was drifting, floating away in ecstasy due to the pleasure-pain. “I’ll be good for you, Sir…” His eyes opened again, dilated and hazy but filled with excitement.

“Such a cute thing you are,” Kiaran whispered, kissing Halsin’s forehead. “My sweet little kitten. Are you going to be a good boy and let me know if you get too overwhelmed?” He kissed Halsin's cheek this time, and with one hand he dug at the bloody puncture wound on Halsin’s leg.

“Mmhmm…” His eyes slid closed again, once again blissed out from it all. The adrenaline from their hunt hadn’t quite worn off yet, letting him enjoy far more pain than usual.

Kiaran chuckled and stroked Halsin’s cheek. Lost to the headspace already, then. He'd have to be careful for the next part, as he was sure the bear was on edge already, but there was no way even the bear would be able to question Halsin’s sheer ecstasy in this moment.

He hummed to himself as he cut a long, thin line down Halsin’s thigh, making a K, the same as he had once before. He wasn’t particularly neat with his sword this time, but it was more than enough for something he'd be healing soon anyway. He leaned down to lap up the blood, sighing happily, and from this angle it was easy to see Halsin’s cock twitch and bob with need. So hard and desperate, but in no place to beg for relief. When Kiaran straightened again, he took Halsin’s cock in hand and stroked it roughly.

Halsin threw his head back and groaned, body already tensing as his release neared. Kiaran seized his chance and and started to carve a matching K in Halsin’s other thigh, and as suspected, the pain did nothing to pull Halsin back from the edge- rather, it pushed him closer to it.

“Mewl for me, kitten, let your owner know how much you love being tamed," he commanded, flicking his wrist over the fat head of Halsin’s cock.

Halsin screamed in delight, his entire body shaking. “Ah- m-m-mewww,” he cried. He arched his back, toes curling with his next scream as cum finally shot forcefully from him. “Ohhhh… m-mew!”

“Good kitten. You took it so well, and now you’re mine, forever,” Kiaran cooed at him, kissing Halsin roughly. Halsin whimpered into the kiss, trying to force more contact by sliding his tongue inside Kiaran’s mouth, but Kiaran refused to let him. Every time Halsin tried, Kiaran would pull back, and only when he stopped did Kiaran surge forward again and push his tongue into Halsin’s mouth instead. Panting softly, Kiaran broke the kiss. “Now, kitten, it’s time I get to feel your pretty, fertile cunt for myself, I think.”

“Mew!” The sound was pleading and desperate, higher-pitched and breathless. Halsin’s legs parted wider at once, begging Kiaran to enter him.

What could Kiaran do in response except tease him? He slid two fingers inside, feeling the wet heat, and took Halsin’s left nipple between two fingers, playing with it until it hardened. “I could leave you like this all day, kitten. And you’d have no choice but to let me. I could edge you, I could make you debase yourself in exchange for relief- and you’d have no choice but to take all of it.”

“Mew…” Halsin clenched down on Kiaran’s fingers, rocking his hips upwards.

“But then again… I’d be punishing myself more than you,” Kiaran mused. “After all, I’ve not come yet. And I want to see what my kitten looks like, dirtied by my cum landing all over his sweet face again… Hmm.” Coming to a decision, he told Halsin, “I’m going to untie you, and you’re going to lay on your back for me. You’ll be a good boy and stay still, won’t you?”

“Mew.” Halsin nodded, and Kiaran set to work, letting the ropes fall at Halsin’s side as the Druid adorably wiggled down to lie flat.

Then Kiaran straddled him again, but this time he was over Halsin’s head. “Suck, pet,” he commanded, groaning in delight as Halsin obediently took Kiaran into his mouth. Kiaran refused to be gentle, instead letting his hips thrust forward in an erratic rhythm that prevented Halsin from being able to prepare for Kiaran’s cock to ram into the back of his throat. Halsin gagged, and every time, Kiaran would pull back to give him a few seconds to recover before doing the same thing, again and again.

Kiaran was getting close. He cried out, throwing his head back in sheer bliss. “Gods, pet. You feel fucking divine when you choke around me,” he groaned, thrusting forward again. Halsin moaned around his cock, and the reverberations were nearly enough to tip Kiaran over right then and there. The kitten knew it, too, judging from the way he laughed and proceeded to hum, changing the tone periodically to give him new sensations. “B-Brat,” Kiaran gasped out. “Such a- mmmf. Such a brat…” He forced himself to pull out, his breath coming hard and heavy. With one hand stroking his cock, he came, spilling white beads of cum all over Halsin’s face. But this time, Halsin was expecting it, and he groaned in pleasure at the humiliation.

Kiaran idly wondered what the inn owner would say if he marched his pet inside. Let everyone inside see. The thought was enough to pull one last spurt of cum from him, this one landing in Halsin’s open mouth.

Halsin swallowed and licked his lips for more.

“Oh, is that what you want?” Kiaran growled, moaning softly at the sight. “You wanna be filled with your owner’s cum?” He gathered a glob off of Halsin’s cheek with two fingers, and then roughly shoved them in Halsin’s mouth. “Lick, kitten.”

Halsin’s tongue lathed the fingers, letting out a sigh of contentment as again, his eyes drifted closed. Fuck, Kiaran couldn’t tell which he would rather have- his pet’s face filthy with cum, or the sight of Halsin swallowing Kiaran’s cum like this, eager and chasing for more. Gods damn.

“I suppose I need you presentable to get you back on the road again,” Kiaran finally decided. “And I can dirty you again at home, when it’s just us to see what you look like with every inch of your skin painted white.” He gathered more cum up on his fingers and presented them for Halsin to suck dry. Halsin obediently swallowed every drop and let out a sound like he was trying to emulate a purr.

“Happy, are you, kitten?” Kiaran cooed. “Happy to serve your Beast Master?”

Halsin nodded. “Mew!”

“That’s right. You’re mine, pet,” Kiaran growled, coating his fingers with the last of the cum and shoving them in Halsin’s mouth. “And when we get home, I’ll collar you so you can know it with every breath you take. Now spread your legs and let me claim what’s mine.”

Whimpering, Halsin complied, and Kiaran picked up his sword. He sheathed it, and then watched Halsin’s face. Halsin’s breath sped up, and he mewled, begging wordlessly, and even parted his legs wider. He wanted this, craved it, and Kiaran was only too happy to let him have it. With no warning and no gentleness, he shoved the hilt into Halsin’s waiting cunt, and immediately began to thrust it inside, not letting Halsin adjust.

The cries that earned certainly could have been an animal’s, and that was only accentuated as Halsin mindlessly rocked back, meeting each rough push forward. He squeezed Kiaran’s free hand, and Kiaran took enough pity on him to hold his hand, giving him a way to ground himself. “Cum whenever you’d like, kitten, you’ve certainly earned it after taking this so well,” Kiaran growled, twisting the hilt inside of Halsin.

“Mewww,” Halsin whimpered, slumping back against the ground.

“Oh, don't give me that, I know you can cum without me touching there, brat,” Kiaran scolded. “A good, obedient kitten like you? Just the thought of your belly being filled with my cum should be enough. Knowing I picked you to be my pet, knowing how much work I put into marking you up all pretty for me. You’ll be begging to be given this much when I tie you up by your collar and refuse to touch your cunt at all. Now cum before my patience runs out, because I promise you wouldn’t enjoy being tossed back to the wolves. A prey like you wouldn’t last a minute.”

Halsin whimpered, so close, but not there yet. Kiaran growled, and let go of Halsin’s hand, instead using his hand to dig his nails into the K he’d carved on Halsin’s right leg.

With a scream of pleasure, Halsin arched his back and came hard. Hard enough for his eyes to roll back and his toes to curl once more.

“Good boy,” Kiaran praised, grasping the sword. He gave it a single yank-

And Halsin whimpered. Not from pain- or, rather, just from pain- either. "Sir, please don’t stop!” He cried. “Don’t stop yet, Sir!”

Kiaran’s eyes widened. Both to hear him speaking at all, and to hear him beg that way. He begged often during their games, but this- this was something else. Kiaran stared, and then leaned forward, kissing him. “Oh, was that not enough for you, needy little thing?” He cooed in mock sympathy. “Fine. I’ll take care of you. But we do this my way.” He sat down, legs parted to give Halsin a spot. “Come. Crawl to me, kitten, and lie against me.”

There wasn’t a single moment of hesitation, not even the tiniest flicker of doubt in his pet’s eyes as he obeyed. He looked at Kiaran like he was dying of thirst and Kiaran had the only water remaining in the world. Like his life depended on receiving his touch. Kiaran wrapped his arms around Halsin the second he crawled between Kiaran’s legs, and Kiaran began to absently stroke his flank. “Good boy,” he rumbled against him. “Such a good boy for me. You hardly needed any help realizing what kind of pet you’re meant to be. Just rest and enjoy your pettings for a moment, and then I’ll give you what you crave.” He smiled as the sight of his pet curled up against him, still breathing hard, but also enjoying his affections so very much.

“Mew…” Halsin sighed, bumping his forehead against Kiaran’s.

“I know, kitten. But my answer is still the same.” Kiaran chuckled and stroked Halsin’s sides. “It won’t kill you to have a moment of rest before I utterly wreck your pretty little pussy with my hilt. If anything, you’ll thank me for it later.”

Halsin shivered in delight, and Kiaran laughed. “Oh, I am going to have so much fun wrecking you,” he said, leaning his head forward to nuzzle Halsin’s cheek. “The instant I get hard again, kitten, your cunt is mine.”

He laughed again when Halsin, as determined to silently sass him as ever, responded by trying to stroke Kiaran’s flaccid cock back to hardness. Kiaran tutted, grabbed Halsin’s hand, and guided it away. “Clever. But the answer is no, kitten.” He instead guided Halsin to lie with his back to Kiaran’s chest, and held Halsin’s arms gently, which he rested over the Druid’s stomach. Once he was sure Halsin wouldn’t disobey,  he hummed a tune and stroked up and down Halsin’s torso with soothing touches. “I’m so glad you’re mine, little kitten. I’m going to enjoy training you to be the perfect pet.”

There was that near-purr again. Kiaran smiled, leaning forward to kiss Halsin’s forehead, and allowed himself to simply savor the moment.

Chapter Text

It was bliss he didn’t have words for, drifting in Kiaran’s arms. It felt like a drug, and yet at the same time, it felt too completely unique for that comparison. His body was light and floaty, his emotions ecstatic, and yet there was something else. Something he couldn’t name, something that warmed him from the inside out.

He let Kiaran’s words, alternating between sweet, seductive, and taunting, even humiliating, wash over him, sighing at each murmur in his ear, every kiss and touch. Utter contentment filled him- that, and a feeling of complete safety.

“Now that I’ve let you rest, kitten, I think it’s time I destroyed your cunt like I promised,” Kiaran said, biting the lobe of Halsin’s ear. Halsin moaned softly, parting his thighs, and Kiaran laughed. With a hand sliding down between Halsin’s legs, he started to roughly rub Halsin’s clit until Halsin’s legs shook with overstimulation. “Or maybe you’d rather your cute little arse gets fucked instead?”

Halsin groaned, shaking his head. Gods, how he loved to push, loved to beg and plead like he wanted anything but what Kiaran was giving. He felt the thrill as he near-whined, “No, not there, Sir!”

“No?” Kiaran chuckled. “Then it’s too bad that I own you, kitten, and I get to decide what to do with your holes whether you like it or not.” He stroked over Halsin’s cunt and pressed one finger to his ass.

“No!” Halsin squirmed out of Kiaran’s lap, breathing hard. “Not there, Sir, please! You’re far too large…”

Kiaran chuckled, but at the same time he felt his ego swell with the praise. “Too big, hmm? But my hilt isn’t too big for your pussy to handle? Which is it, pet? Am I really so big, or are you telling me your cunt is just that loose?” Stepping forward, he tilted Halsin’s chin up when he tried to gaze downwards. “Speak, kitten.”

Halsin shivered. “Y-You are very big, Sir,” he said quietly, eyes flicking downwards towards Kiaran’s erection. “Too big to fit.”

Kiaran’s cock twitched in appreciation, and he laughed, kissing Halsin’s lips. “Flatterer. Sounds to me like you’re just trying to get out of it.” His hands grabbed Halsin’s hips, squeezing.

“Sir, please!” Halsin protested, clenching his legs shut before he stood up to escape.

“Did I not make myself clear?” Once more, Kiaran cupped his hand under Halsin’s chin, tilting it upwards. “What did I just tell you, kitten?”

Letting out a shuddery breath, Halsin answered, “that my body is yours, Sir. But please und-”

“That’s enough, cute thing. Let’s save our time and our breath, hmm?” Kiaran pressed one finger to Halsin’s lips.

“No.” Halsin folded his arms around his chest, letting out a little growl.

Raising his eyebrows, Kiaran stepped forward. “We can do this with ropes and a punishment, or we can do it with your cooperation, but either way, I’m going to take what I want from you. You’ve got five seconds to decide whether you prefer the easy way or the hard way.”

Halsin growled louder, baring his teeth, and Kiaran chuckled. “So feisty today, little kitten. Very well. Just don’t cry to me when I enjoy dragging out your punishment.” He watched as Halsin jumped into a sprint- putting just enough distance between the two of them for Kiaran to build up speed chasing him. He pushed off his heels and darted forward, eying Halsin’s body carefully for weak spots, and chuckled. “You could have just told me you wanted to be hunted again, kitten,” he scolded. “We could have made it a proper game. You and I both know that as a prey, you’re no match for a Beast Master like me.” With that, he leapt forwards, pushing most of his weight into Halsin’s hip, who grunted and fell over, bracing himself against the impact.

Which caused him to land right on his hands and knees. Gods, he couldn’t have fallen more perfectly if he had tried. Kiaran nearly groaned at the sight, staring at Halsin’s ass and exposed, wet cunt.

“Oh, that was a very impressive trick, little kitty,” Kiaran laughed. “Of course, it would have been better if you’d do it on command… but there’s still time for that, I suppose.” He pushed at Halsin’s thighs. “Open.”

Halsin hissed, stubbornly clenching his thighs tighter, and Kiaran sighed. “You won’t make it even the least bit easier on yourself, then? Fine.” Shaking his head, he pulled one hand back and brought it down on Halsin’s ass hard, enough to make him cry out. Kiaran didn’t give him a break, not this time, as he repeated the motion again, his hand already stinging from just two blows and forcing him to switch to the other as again, Halsin yelped in pain. “Hush. I warned you what would happen, and you made your choices anyway. I won’t ask again, brat- spread your legs now, or I won’t stop until I draw blood.” He grabbed his sword and patted Halsin’s backside with the flat side. “And once I’ve done that, I’ll just fuck you with the sharp end of this instead of what I had planned for you. Last chance, kitten. Would you rather get fucked by my big cock, or get torn apart by my blade? Speak.” He brought the flat end of the sword down on Halsin’s ass to emphasize the order, smacking the red spots.

“Please, no…” Halsin whimpered.

“That is not an answer to my question,” Kiaran said shortly, lightly poking Halsin’s backside with the point of the sword in both a warning and a silent question. “Do you want your arse torn apart by my cock, or by my blade?”

“… By you…” Halsin finally mumbled, face hidden in his arms.

Kiaran tapped Halsin’s ass with the tip of his sword again, still light, but enough to make him whimper. “Louder, kitten. What do you want inside you? My blade, or my cock?”

“… Your c-cock, sir!” Halsin finally cried, cheeks going nearly as red as his ass. Halsin so rarely swore; the closest he ever got to it were Druidic minced oaths, most of which involved Silvanus.

“Good boy.” Kiaran kissed the back of Halsin’s head, and Halsin shivered. “You’ll still need to be punished, of course, but I’m willing to be lenient if you behave for the rest of this. But for now? Spread wide for me and arch your back, pet.” He watched the shift of Halsin’s body as he complied, and he hummed. “Little higher, and wider…” Halsin complied, his face flushing deeper, and Kiaran grinned, grabbing his hips. “There. Now. No more words unless you’re commanded to speak, understand? Good kittens mew for their owner.”

Shivering, Halsin nodded and let out a humiliated mew- and then groaned as two of Kiaran’s fingers slipped deep inside his wet, sore cunt. He couldn’t help but clench around them despite the sting, the pain only adding to the hot arousal coursing through him. He shifted to let his arms support more of his weight as his legs began to tremble, and a groan of disappointment escaped him when the fingers withdrew all too soon.

And then he gave a cry of shock as those fingers instead suddenly plunged deep into his ass, angling towards his stomach. His muscles pushed back against the intrusion, and Kiaran tutted. “You really think that will help you? Even if that could push my fingers out, it still wouldn’t do anything about-” his fingers brushed against Halsin’s prostate, making him groan- “my too-big cock that you keep whining about.”

Kiaran watched Halsin shiver, amused at the rapid change in mindset he’d undergone, from deep in subspace to a submissive, but rebellious one. And now Kiaran would get to push him back to his submissive mindset all over again. He rubbed his fingers against Halsin’s prostate roughly, earning a desperate mewl, Halsin rocking forward and then back like he wasn’t sure whether he wanted more, or to escape the touch entirely. Kiaran pressed forward more forcefully, silently reminding Halsin whose choice that was, and worked more rough circles into Halsin’s prostate until the Druid whimpered with overstimulation.

“O-ooh,” Halsin groaned out, trying to lean forward to bury his head in his arms.

“Nah-ah, kitten,” Kiaran scolded, tapping the small of his back insistently. “Good kittens present for their owner when they get fucked. Back up with you.” He watched Halsin adjust himself with a groan, and gave a hum. “Raise your arse higher for me, pet. Higher.” He quickly grew impatient at Halsin’s clumsy motions, and he yanked Halsin’s hips, and then pushed his thighs wider again. He ignored Halsin’s shiver, instead grabbing his asscheeks to spread them apart, enjoying the humiliating sight. He dug his fingers roughly back in, making Halsin cry out, and then withdrew them again. “There. I would lube you up more, but I don’t think you’ve earned such gentleness with how you’ve been behaving today, kitten. Every inch of roughness you feel, just remember that you did this to yourself.” With a growl, he leaned forwards on his knees and pushed in in one rough, quick motion, not even letting him adjust to the stretch. The stretch from his cock, which was apparently too big now. And Gods, did that thought ever make his cock twitch with arousal.

Halsin cried out louder, hands desperately searching for something to grab onto, and finally was forced to tug at some scattered blades of grass. “Oh!” He moaned. “Sir. Sir, please, it’s too- far too big. Take it out, please!”

“I said no words, kitten,” Kiaran barked, retaliating by ramming his cock forward.

“Sir!” Halsin protested with a deep groan. “Sir… please, I’ll do anything, you can have- have my- just not here.”

Kiaran chuckled. “Say what you’re offering me, and I’ll think about it,” he said, having no intention of doing that at all. He just wanted to hear Halsin curse, wanted to see the blush creep down his neck. “What are you offering me in return, kitten? Your mouth? Your cunt?”

“My… Yes. My c-cunt, sir,” Halsin whispered, his skin growing fractionally warmer as the blush spread. Gods, he looked incredible like this, spread out under him and red with humiliation.

Kiaran hummed, pretending to consider it, and smacked Halsin’s ass as he did so. Halsin yelped, lurching forwards. “I do love your cunt, kitten, you know that. But how can I resist your tight arse when you yourself said your cunt was too loose to enjoy me splitting it open?”

“That isn’t what I-” Halsin protested, gasping to catch his breath, but Kiaran cut off the rest of his sentence.

“We’ll see how you take this, hmm? And if you’re a very good kitten, I’ll still wreck your cunt with my hilt, too. But I think you’ve been spoiled far too long, kitten.” Kiaran leaned forward, nibbling on the back of Halsin’s neck and making him shiver. “A good pet should be thankful when he gets fucked open on his owner’s thick cock instead of trying to avoid it. And if I don’t correct it now, how can I be sure I’ll ever have a well-behaved pet? As a Beast Master, I have to take my pet-taming my duties seriously.” He smacked Halsin’s ass two times in quick succession, humming as he watched the skin redden. “Clench around me, cute thing. Bratty little kitten.”

“N-No!” Halsin shifted forward disobediently, his arms supporting him again. “It hurts, Sir, it’s t-too big! Please take it out! I d-don’t w-want it there…”

Kiaran closed his eyes, savoring the sound of his pleading voice. “I would punish you for speaking, kitten, but I think I like the sound of you begging for mercy even more than your cute little mews. Go on, beg more. Tell me how much of a struggle it is just to fit me inside you.” He angled his thrusts carefully, stopping just short of Halsin’s prostate.

Halsin groaned helplessly into his arms, but said nothing- at least, nothing until Kiaran rained more smacks down on Halsin’s ass, simultaneously speeding up his thrusts. Halsin whimpered. “P-Please, no more, I- I cannot-” he stammered out. “Sir, please, stop this!” He sniffled, voice breaking.

Kiaran reached around Halsin with the hand that wasn’t busy spanking him, tapping his shoulder, and Halsin reached up, squeezing his hand. Kiaran let go, and returned his hand to Halsin’s hip. “Oh, kitten. You know I’d love to go back to spoiling you, but you insisted on violating all the rules I set for you. You made me chase and tackle you again, you growled at me. How can I justify doting on a naughty pet like you?” He asked, shaking his head. “You’ve done nothing to earn what you had been getting. Maybe after you see how most Beast Masters treat their pets, you’ll start being good for me again, and I won’t have to punish you again.” He rolled his hips forward, moaning softly at the tight heat.

“If this is how you-” Halsin cut himself off, gasping at every rocking motion. “How you- you act after all I- ohhh-” He groaned, hiding his face again as the pleasure sparked. “I c-can’t stop you, but I w-won’t cooperate if this is what you do!”

Kiaran laughed. “That’s what you think now, brat. You’ll start missing the gentleness too much to keep this up before long.” He reached around Halsin’s hip and squeezed his cock hard at the base. “Not that your body seems to object to being treated roughly, mind…” he added.

Halsin squirmed in humiliation. “I don’t care how many times you make me c-come!” He said defiantly. “I’m still not your pet.”

Kiaran stroked Halsin’s neck, chuckling. “Deny it all you like, brat, but the result will still be the same no matter how you struggle. And it makes no difference to me, whether I spoil you with pettings or whether I get to beat the submission into you and watch you suffer. Both are treats I savor.” He moved his hand down and squeezed Halsin’s balls, making him sob. A tear streaked from Halsin’s face to the ground under them. “Changing your behavior is to your own benefit, not mine. If you won’t give yourself to me freely, then I’ll just take it by force.”

Halsin shuddered, but hid it with a growl. A growl Kiaran answered with laughter, tugging roughly on Halsin’s hair. “It always is adorable when kittens think they’re frightening. I suppose it makes sense; cats are technically apex predators. But you? There’s a docile housecat inside you begging to be tamed.” He thrust deeper and faster, ramming his cock into Halsin’s prostate again and again, chasing his own release that he felt rapidly approaching. Halsin’s groans turned to little sniffles and sobs, squirming with every thrust. Was it the stretch? The roughness? Overstimulation? “Clench for me, kitten,” Kiaran groaned out, squeezing Halsin’s asscheeks. “Let me feel how tight you are.”

Halsin whined, tears falling faster as Kiaran fucked him harder. “Sir,” he cried pitifully, nails digging into the dirty below. “Sir, please, no more! I-” A little sob, Kiaran’s cock slamming into sensitive places deep inside him.

“What was that, kitten?” Kiaran taunted, grinding his cock deep inside and alternating between slapping Halsin’s ass and squeezing his balls. “I couldn’t hear you. I forgot to cast Speak With Animals this morning.”

“PLEASE!” Halsin wailed into his arms, rocking his hips forward to escape the rough thrusts. Kiaran held tighter onto his balls, holding him in place, and sped up his thrusts. “Please, please!”

Kiaran paid him no mind, keeping up his thrusts exactly as he enjoyed, letting Halsin’s cries grow more desperate, the sobs louder, until-

“Sir, please! I- I’ll be good, I swear! A-Anything. Just please- it- it’s too much, sir!” Halsin whimpered, parting his legs wider in a last-ditch attempt to alleviate the sensations.

“I wish I could believe you, kitten, but you’ve behaved so terribly up until now. I think we both know you’re just trying to escape your punishment,” Kiaran scolded. His voice softened slightly as he continued, “if you truly mean it and prove it to me, I’ll cast Cure Wounds on you when I finish, hmm?”

“Please.” Halsin sniffled, body shaking with suppressed sobs. Kiaran moved his hand from Halsin’s arse up to the small of his back, soothingly massaging it as he thrust in once, twice more.

Kiaran’s orgasm caught him off-guard with its intensity, and he yelled in pleasure as he spilled into Halsin. “FUCK, kitten!” he moaned, slumping against Halsin. He panted and shuddered against him, hands idly stroking up and down Halsin’s sides, until he came back to himself. “Cute little kitten, you take punishment so well, don’t you?” he cooed.

He pushed and nudged at Halsin carefully, until he had coaxed his pet to lie on his back. Leaning forward, he kissed Halsin’s cheeks and mouth and brushed away the tears from his face. “So good, my sweet, precious pet. You took it so well. I’m so proud of you.” With one hand, he cupped Halsin’s cheek, pressing gently. “Would you like me to cast Cure Wounds on you now?” He prepared the spell, the fingertips on his other hand glowing blue.

“H- I- A moment. A moment, please,” Halsin whispered, closing his eyes. He squeezed Kiaran, falling silent but for the sound of his heavy, fast breaths.

Kiaran frowned, but waited, stroking up and down Halsin’s face with one hand to help ground him. “I’m here, sweet thing. My good boy,” he whispered, kissing Halsin’s forehead. “Such a good pet.” He laid down next to Halsin, wrapping one arm around Halsin’s chest. “So sweet. So cute. So beautiful,” he murmured into Halsin’s ear. “I picked such a good kitten to make my own.”

Halsin shivered happily, the praise washing over him, but he still didn’t speak yet. He did squeeze Kiaran’s hand, though, so Kiaran was sure Halsin understood. He just seemed… overwhelmed, still. Kiaran frowned, tucking Halsin’s hair behind his ear. “Are you alright, my sweet honey bear?” he asked softly. “Please, talk to me.”

Halsin let out a breath. “It… felt good,” he was quick to say, sensing Kiaran’s anxiety. “You did not harm me, S- love.” Kiaran gave a faint smile: it wasn’t just he who had difficulty transitioning out of their headspaces. “I just… find… find myself…” He trailed off. “I am sorry…”

“Why are you sorry, sweetheart?” Kiaran asked, wrapping both arms around Halsin’s middle to spoon up to him. “What I said to you- that was just a game. I didn’t mean any of the insults. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of- of course. That is not-“ Halsin shook his head, still struggling to formulate words. “No, love, it is not anything you said or did. I enjoyed it, all of it. It was… I am just overwhelmed. It was intense and- it was…” He trailed off. “I am sorry; I cannot articulate why I am…” He gestured to himself.

“Is it the headspace?” Kiaran wondered, stroking up and down Halsin’s middle. “You got very deep into it, both the purely submissive side, and the rebellious one.”

Halsin fell quiet, but this time it was because he was in thought. “That may be, yes,” he admitted. “I feel very…” He shook his head as though to clear it. “The harder I try to come back to myself, the more I feel pulled by the other side of me. Like that part of me doesn’t… doesn’t want to let go of this?”

“Oh. I see,” Kiaran murmured, thinking for a moment. “Would it help to know I feel the same? That right now I still feel like calling you Kitten?” He kissed Halsin’s cheek.

Halsin smiled a little, nodding. “It does help, yes,” he murmured. “To know it is not just me, though… that does mean we have a new challenge.”

“I know. Let’s solve it later, then,” Kiaran said softly. He reached over and squeezed Halsin’s hand, wanting to touch as much of him as he could reach. “For now… would you like to continue being called Kitten for a while? Or would you prefer to be called your name?”

Halsin rolled over so he was facing Kiaran. Pressing their foreheads together, he closed his eyes, and his cheeks reddened a bit again, though not nearly as much as they had when Kiaran was fucking him. “I- I…” He trailed off, clearing his throat, and this time his blush did match what it had been. “I do enjoy being called that, yes.”

“Then you can stay my kitten for a bit longer,” Kiaran murmured, pushing Halsin’s head downward slightly to kiss Halsin’s forehead. “Sweet, darling kitten. My good boy. Always so good for me, even when you act out.”

A pleased noise escaped Halsin, and he leaned forward, closing his eyes in contentment. Some vague part of him petulantly wondered if this truly did have to end, if he really did have to go back to not being Kiaran’s kitten.

Of course he did, answered the frustrated, responsible part of him, and the bear within chorused its own agreement. But the kitten swiped at them in annoyance. It wasn’t ready yet, didn’t want to give up the thrill of submission and fun of rebelling. It wanted to play, wanted to be taken care of and cuddled and kissed longer. Not just longer- forever. It could be negotiated down from that later, but for now, it was insistent that it at least get more time to be pampered.

The bear sighed, and the responsible and overburdened Archdruid frowned disapprovingly, but both finally backed away, letting the kitten have control a while longer. Which meant letting it not have control.

Instead, he drank in the praise and pet names Kiaran draped over him like a warm blanket, sinking deeper into submission for just a while.

“Te curo!” Kiaran said some time later, setting his hands on Halsin’s shoulders. Halsin gasped, and then sighed, letting out a deep groan of relief as the pain fled his body. He then opened his eyes and gave Kiaran a smile, kissing him.

“Thank you, my heart,” he murmured, stretching and taking a few tentative steps forward. His body was far steadier than he expected, so he continued walking.

“Of course, love.” Kiaran reached out and squeezed Halsin’s hand, chuckling. He tucked Halsin’s hair behind his ears. “Have I told you today what an absolutely adorable kitten you make? Truly precious.”

“Is that so?” Halsin asked, eying Kiaran with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“You’re plotting something,” Kiaran said, raising an eyebrow. “Do I want to know?”

“You will soon enough,” Halsin said, still grinning. He walked over to where they had discarded their clothes earlier, and started to dress himself, watching Kiaran do the same.

Kiaran was very aware of Halsin’s gaze on him, and he intentionally dragged it out, both to give Halsin a show, and because, truthfully, he liked being admired just as much. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing how wanted he was by Halsin at all moments of the day. He finished doing up his shirt, and then he walked over to his pack.

But Halsin grabbed it out of Kiaran’s hand, smiling at him and kissing his forehead. “Allow me, my heart,” he murmured, gathering their supply packs onto his shoulders.

“Oh, love, are you sure?” Kiaran asked softly. “You don’t have to do all that, truly. I am more than capable of-”

A playful, teasing grin. A spark of golden light.

And then in a flash of fur, a purring grey cat landed on Kiaran’s shoulder, lazily draping himself over Kiaran’s neck.

“Oh, you think you’re so clever, don’t you?” Kiaran asked, eyebrows raised.

Another purr. Halsin rubbed his cheek against Kiaran’s, who laughed and nuzzled back. “I love you too.” He paused, muttered, “amicus animalis,” and then continued, “I suppose I had this coming when I dared to say how cute you are.” He kissed the top of Halsin’s fluffy head. “Thank you for grabbing our gear first- that was very thoughtful of you.”

“You are welcome.” Halsin’s tail swished lazily behind him, the picture of contentment.

Kiaran was pleased at this development; of course he was always thrilled to see Halsin so happy. But he was also surprised to see him so.. so okay during all this.

Maybe it was the relief of being told he wouldn’t have to fight, when the time came to infiltrate the Underdark. Maybe it was something else, some feeling of stability he had thanks to Kiaran. No matter what it was, Kiaran was grateful- he just hoped he could ask Halsin about it later.

“Shall we head home, then, precious kitten of mine?” Kiaran asked, reaching over to rub Halsin’s head.

“Yes, please. I am more than ready to see my ducklings again,” Halsin answered, bumping the top of his head against Kiaran’s cheek.

It turned out that Halsin had more playful antics up his sleeve, as Kiaran discovered the instant they stepped into Reithwin, with the last rays of sunlight vanishing behind them. Halsin returned to elven form, and approached two of the children who came running. “Daddy Halsin!” one Tiefling boy shrieked in delight, his arms outstretched. “You’re back!”

“Hello, little ones! I am home,” Halsin confirmed, scooping both of them into his arms and twirling them before setting them back down, kneeling in front of them. “What have you been up to?”

“Lisette lost a tooth, see?” The boy, Mar, gestured his younger- and shier- Tiefling friend. “It popped out at dinner, like, she just took a bite of chicken and BOOM, the tooth fell right out!”

Halsin nodded, face taking on an appropriately awed face to satisfy the pair. “Goodness, you children are getting so big. Losing teeth- why, next thing I know, you’ll be walking!”

“Daddy Haaaalsin!” Lisette protested. “You know we walk, we did to get to you!”

Halsin gasped. “And now you’re talking, too! Next it’ll be solid foods-”

“We told you we were eating chicken at dinner!” Mar protested. “You heard me!”

“Oh, so you did.” Halsin pretended to be thinking as he stood again. “Still, if you are losing teeth, we ought to be careful. Perhaps you should be eating pureed vegetables instead? Peas and spinach blended with plenty of asparagus-”

“EWWWW!” They shrieked in unison, noses wrinkling. Mar turned to Lisette. “Let’s get outta here before Daddy Halsin makes us eat gross food!”

“Yeah!” Lisette was quick to agree, nose still wrinkled. She paused for a moment, turning to Halsin, her face softer. She wrapped her arms around Halsin’s upper leg, burying her face there, and smiled up at him. “I’m glad you’re home, Daddy Halsin. We missed you,” she whispered shyly.

Halsin smiled down at her, his eyes a bit wet. “I missed you too. All of you. More than you know,” he whispered. “I am so glad to be back. I will be by shortly for your bedtime tales- gather up all your friends quickly.”

“Okay!” Lisette chirped. Turning on her heels, she chased off after Mar.

Kiaran watched the sight, something warm settling in his chest, but mixed with a strange apprehension. He loved their life together, and loved seeing Halsin so happy, but some vague feeling of unease always filled him when he got close to the children for reasons he couldn’t explain. Still, he forced himself to shake it off as he approached Halsin. “I’ll return home, get some dinner started for us,” he said softly. “I’ll see you soon, love. Give the little ones my best.”

“I shall. I do not think I have more than a story or two in me tonight, so I will be back very shortly,” Halsin promised, yawning. “Thank you, love.”

“Of course.” Kiaran kissed Halsin, and watched as he returned to the place he was meant to be. Once Halsin was out of sight, he turned the opposite direction and to the treehouse they both shared. It was strange- it had only been a little less than two days. Nothing had changed. And yet, it felt like everything had. He thought of the threat from the Underdark that loomed, thought of his worries about Halsin- and thought of himself, of his guilt, of his worries about the past. He still felt all of those worries, but for now, they were muted by the warm feeling in his chest at seeing Halsin so happy. He would do anything and everything to make sure Halsin stayed that way.

Chapter Text

Children, Halsin had learned, were very persuasive creatures. They knew full well how much the adults in their lives adored them, and knew how to appear positively cherubic to coax their people into doing what they wanted. They knew which people in their lives were powerless to say no to their sweet, begging faces. And that was how Halsin’s single story bedtime turned into three, and his few-minute delay turned into an hour.

Kiaran was fully used to this routine, though, having long seen Halsin’s soft spot for the children. He was incapable of denying them much of anything, excluding things that might hurt them. Kiaran whistled to himself as he heated a pot of chicken soup over their hearth, and once he could see Halsin approach their treehouse from the window, he started to toast a baguette the local baker had set out for them. It was Halsin’s favorite, a light-crumbed sourdough so filled with flavor that Halsin often devoured half a loaf with butter for breakfast.

Kiaran had just finished tasting the soup for flavor when Halsin entered, looking exhausted but with a distinct eye-creasing smile on his face. Kiaran beamed back, ladling their late dinner up into two deep bowls. “Who talked you into extra stories tonight, love?”

“All of them,” Halsin said, yawning as he poured Kiaran a glass of wine, and himself some grape juice the village winemaker had started making, primarily for the children but sometimes for adults like Halsin as well. He set Kiaran’s glass in his favorite spot at their table, and settled himself in the chair next to it. “And as I started to tell my third, I realized that already, I struggle to think of new tales for them! They have almost exhausted my repertoire, and I have had an adventurous life to begin with!”

Kiaran chuckled. “You could retell one of the earlier ones? It’s been a few months.”

Shaking his head, Halsin replied, “oh, but you cannot get anything past these little ones. I would not get more than a few sentences in before at least one began protesting that I already told them! If they paid half as much attention to their studies as this, Vee would not have had to enlist my help to sit half of them down for remedial maths lessons.” He reached his hand out as Kiaran came to the table to set the warmed baguette and bowls of soup down, eyes lighting up at the sight of his favorite bread.

“Thank you, it’s lovely,” Halsin said, kissing Kiaran’s cheek, then his lips, before digging in, eyes closing in contentment. He blew on his spoon, watching the curls of steam drift away, before closing his lips around it. A soft sigh escaped him.

Kiaran managed not to tug the spoon out of his hand and kiss him silly, though he did have to battle the urge for a few moments. Instead, he pulled his own spoon through his soup, watching the liquid fall into the path his spoon cleared, and then started to eat as well. “Well, you know kids. They focus on what’s important to them, and not much else,” he mused. “Maths and grammar won’t mean all that much to them. But their Daddy Halsin and his exciting adventures? Now that’s worth remembering. I wouldn’t be surprised if they memorized all of your stories.”

Frowning in thought, Halsin said, “I do not know if I would go quite so far. They enjoy my stories, yes, but they are not the only sources of excitement in their little lives.”

“I would," Kiaran replied quietly. “You have a bad habit of underestimating how important you are to those around you, Halsin. You’re not only a father figure to them, you’re their hero. The reason they like your stories so much isn't just because they're exciting, it’s because it's you.”

Halsin stared at him for a long moment, his eyes distinctly wet, before he whispered, “thank you, my love.” He wiped at his face, clearing his throat. “Still, in any case, I… shall have to think of more tales to tell them soon. Perhaps Thaniel will remember some childhood exploits I've forgotten. Elves have better memories than most, but far from perfect ones, even with the benefit of reverie.”

“Have you told them the story you told me yesterday, of the day you met Thaniel?” Kiaran asked, a faint smile on his face at the memory.

Halsin chuckled. “I have- it’s one of the few they actually ask to be retold instead of demanding new ones. That story and the day I attempted to take my older brother’s eagle companion into Reithwin seem to be their favorites.”

Laughing into a napkin, Kiaran replied, “in your defense, you were little, impressionable, and had no idea the townsfolk didn’t live as harmoniously with wildlife as wood elves. And you repaired all the windows Goldtalon broke, you told me.”

“I did. Father saw to it, and Lin’thir spent quite a while impressing on me the importance of not interfering with the bond between a Ranger and their animal companion.” Halsin shook his head in amusement, and then let out a sigh, face falling. “I wish, sometimes, that they were still here, especially my mother and father. I…” He stared at the table for a long while, quiet, yet full of unspoken thoughts.

“Love?” Kiaran whispered, reaching out to grab Halsin’s hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “Talk to me, sweetheart. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” He stroked Halsin’s hair, tucking a stray strand behind his ear.

Halsin gave a faint smile at the sweet words and gesture before the frown returned. “I just… I so dearly wish… They never got to be grandparents. I often remember how much they loved us, and how happy they would be now to be the grandparents of dozens of children. I wish I could introduce them to the children, and give them an even bigger family. I wish my siblings could be aunts and uncles, and that they could all…” He waved a hand. “Enjoy the joys of an extended family, spoil the children with too many sugary treats and then return them to my care to burn off the energy, rush to give them all the dangerous toys I said they couldn’t have, tell them embarrassing stories about me as a child…” His voice broke, tears threatening to spill over. “And perhaps most of all, I wish they could be here to answer my questions and tell me if I am doing right by the children. I… wish I could have built a house here for them, too, and let them enjoy a peaceful old-age instead of the premature deaths they had.” A lone tear streaked down his face, and then another.

Kiaran felt an ache in his chest. Halsin had once described grief as a wound that didn’t heal, but did become more bearable, but for Kiaran, as he watched the process with an outsider’s insight, it was more like a splinter lodged deep in the heart. Sometimes it could be stable, so hidden that it could be ignored and life could continue as normal around it, but at other times it could stab and inflame like a fresh wound, as painful the hundredth time as the first, until it closed over once more.

“I am sorry you didn’t get to experience those joys together, love,” Kiaran whispered, using his thumb to brush the tears off Halsin’s face. “You deserved a long life together. And I would give anything to return your family to you.” And he truly would, if he had a way. “I know it isn’t the same, but…” He gestured out the window. “You have more people who love you than you know, not just me and our companions, but our community, too. The children can’t support you the way the adults can, but I know you enjoy their hugs just as much, and… they all, both the kids and adults, want you to be happy, and to know how much they enjoy your presence in their lives. They can be your family too.”

Inhaling sharply, Halsin squeezed Kiaran’s hand, and nodded. “I am happy,” he whispered, “that I was able to give the children a second family here. It is the sort of community I would have wanted, back then. Being raised by the Druids was wonderful, and I am grateful for the instruction in how to best serve nature, but there were so few others my age to keep me company. I want our little ones to all take care of each other, to help each other shoulder their burdens. And the adults, too- I want them to continue to lend their support to each other where it is needed. To help each other grow and heal.”

“And it is a beautiful dream, love,” Kiaran whispered, pressing his lips to Halsin’s forehead, “it truly is wonderful, and your love and care for those around you still amazes me now as much as it did when we met and you showed so much kindness to a near-feral killer.” He pressed their foreheads together, eyes closing as he remembered those early days, when Halsin had transformed him forever without even trying to do so, so steady and so strong that Kiaran had changed his entire worldview without Halsin knowing until far later that he was the cause of Kiaran's newfound desire to be better. “But as usual, my sweet honey bear, you’re forgetting someone very important in all this.” He squeezed Halsin’s shoulder. “Who does the commune’s kind, selfless leader, child-rearer, and healer turn to when he himself needs healing?”

Halsin gave a wry, but soft smile, crooked and a bit shy. The sight was so endearing that Kiaran could barely stand it. “His sweet, protective, fearless coyote of a partner, who has never, not a single day, failed to be there for when his bear needed him?” he suggested softly, pulling Kiaran’s hand from his shoulder so he could rest it over his heart instead. He held it with both hands, looking into Kiaran’s eyes.

Kiaran swallowed, heart pounding far faster than it should. He knew what he should say. He should remind Halsin that he needed more than Kiaran to rely on. Kiaran wouldn’t always be there, he should remind Halsin, and more to the point, one person couldn’t provide everything Halsin needed.

But Kiaran knew his bear better than anyone, and as a result, knew that the most difficult thing in the world for Halsin was to let himself be taken care of the way he took care of others. And further, Kiaran knew himself and his own flaws, and when it came to Halsin, greed was high on the list. Halsin liked to share, to roam, and Kiaran truly did accept it. At the same time, he relished and clung to the things Halsin saved just for him. No one else was allowed to care for him like Halsin let Kiaran do, no one else was allowed to call him sweet honey bear, to dominate him in bed and make him mew like a kitten, to know all his doubts and fears and pains. Those things were just for Kiaran.

A less selfish person would have encouraged Halsin to let his roots expand to provide more stability, but Kiaran craved everything Halsin could give, and when he got those things, he jealously guarded them. If he was the only one allowed inside the deepest, most painful parts of Halsin’s heart, then he was fine with it. Fine with tending it on his own, guarding and protecting and healing it while savagely deterring those who would do harm.

So he backed down, and instead, he gave Halsin a warm smile, kissing his lips chastely at first, and then deeper as Halsin opened his mouth, both sighing heavily into it. Kiaran climbed into Halsin’s lap, arms thrown over Halsin’s neck and shoulders, and straddled Halsin’s hips. “If that is how you want it,” he whispered into Halsin’s ear, breaking the kiss just for a moment. “If you’d rather give that big heart of yours to everyone around you and I’m the only one allowed to take care of it in turn? Then I’ll do it.” He stroked up and down Halsin’s back, kissed him rougher, and then pulled back. Halsin’s eyes were every bit as full of hunger as Kiaran’s own, and he chased after Kiaran with every pull back, breath growing heavier and louder.

“There is-” Halsin said, and then cleared his throat. “There is a feeling of… safety that I cannot explain when I leave these things in your hands. I am sure you feel the same way when leaving other matters in mine.” He pulled Kiaran close again, kissed him hard and deep, and groaned softly into his mouth.

And he was right. Kiaran trusted Halsin’s judgment in so many things, especially where matters of right versus wrong were concerned, and he trusted Halsin to take care of him when he needed it. No one else was allowed to be near Kiaran when he had his headaches or when he had nightmares of his Urge returning. Few others were allowed in Kiaran’s space like Halsin was, let alone wanted there. Halsin was the only one Kiaran allowed to order him to rest and take care of himself, and the only one Kiaran truly believed when he said that Kiaran should not bear the guilt of his Urge-fueled actions for the rest of his life, that he had earned forgiveness with his changed, repentant behavior.

Loving someone, Kiaran thought as he ground his hardening cock against Halsin, earning a deep groan, was far more frightening than fighting them. It was far more vulnerable. Enemies didn’t get to know his darkest secrets, and the worst they could do was stab him in the dark. A loved one could cut far deeper and leave a wound that would never heal. He’d never understood that Dryad in Baldur’s Gate, with her talk of armor made of vulnerability, swords made of truth, and shields of trust, but now it was sliding into place at last. Especially as he leaned closer, pressing his forehead against Halsin’s as he caught his breath, and felt completely safe, knowing in every fiber of his being that of all the awful things a lover could do, Halsin would never do a single one of them. Others could exploit a weakness, but Halsin would only ever document them to help Kiaran bear them. Around Halsin, his weak spots were simply new ways for Halsin to protect him.

Just the same as Kiaran did for Halsin.

“I,” Halsin gasped out, bucking his hips against Kiaran’s, “am no longer hungry for food.”

Kiaran’s eyes sharpened. “But you’ll eat after we’re done?” he pressed, leaning forwards. He brushed his lips over Halsin’s ear. “Good boys finish their dinner, especially when their owner worked so hard to provide it.”

Halsin shuddered, and nodded frantically. "Yes, Sir,” he breathed, a growing hint of desperation entering his voice. “Please, I need- I need this-”

Kiaran cooed in sympathy, brushing his fingers over the cock straining so rock hard already that it was though Halsin hadn’t been touched in weeks. Halsin moaned, raw and desperate, flecks of gold shining in his eyes. Maybe he had been having the same, or at least similar, thoughts as Kiaran. “You do need this, don’t you? Poor little kitten,” Kiaran murmured. “Why don’t you bring us to bed, then, so I can get your collar?”

In a dizzying whirlwind, Kiaran found himself resting bridal style in Halsin’s arms, rushed off to their bedroom. Kiaran chuckled, stroking one of Halsin’s biceps absently. This was one of the fun parts of having a partner with such a bear-like presence.

“This is good, kitten,” Kiaran said when Halsin entered their bedroom, pushing gently at Halsin’s shoulders. Once he was set down, Kiaran called, “on your knees, and don’t even think about moving until I tell you.” Without waiting to watch Halsin obey, he wandered over to their collection of gear, thinking of all the things he was free to do to his kitten, the games and positions and everything else Halsin would subject himself to willingly.

With a devious grin, he pulled out his favorite pair of nipple clamps, and then… hmm. He glanced over at Halsin. “Kitten,” he called, voice dangerously sweet. “I’ve a job for you, when we get done with our game tonight.”

“Yes, Sir?”

Kiaran chuckled. Even with his back to Halsin, he knew just what Halsin must look like right now, cock thick and heavy between his legs, muscles straining with the effort of staying still when all he wanted was to devour and be devoured in turn. He turned back to Halsin, tutting as he lightly hit his hairbrush against his palm. “This brush we’ve been using hardly seems like an adequate substitute for a real paddle, does it, kitten? Speak.”

Halsin swallowed visibly, the bulge in his throat bobbing. “No, Sir. It does not.” His eyes stayed focused on Kiaran’s feet, deferential as a good pet should be.

With another chuckle, Kiaran brushed his fingertips over Halsin’s cheek, slow and light until Halsin shivered. “Then you will put your woodcarving skills to good use, spoiled little thing, and make the paddle I’ll use on you from now on. I expect it to be properly heavy, and to have my name carved on it. Am I understood?”

Halsin shivered again, but his cock noticeably hardened. Kiaran idly wondered whether he should force Halsin onto his back and tease and torment it until Halsin sobbed, but he decided to hold off.

For now.

“Y-Yes, Sir,” Halsin stuttered, shifting on his knees to try and ease the discomfort as his cock hung thick and heavy between his legs.

“Stand still, kitten. You know better than to be so graceless,” Kiaran barked.

“Sorry, Sir,” Halsin said, a flush creeping up his neck.

“You are forgiven, pet,” Kiaran said, stroking Halsin’s hair. Sighing, Halsin leaned into it, eyes drifting closed, and Kiaran smiled at the sight. “What ever shall I do with you?” Halsin opened his mouth, but before he could answer, Kiaran simply cut him off with, “I already know, of course. Sit still.” He produced the nipple clamps he’d grabbed, leaned over, and attached them, making them tight and biting until Halsin groaned.

“Sir, I- what would you like me to do?” Halsin asked, face growing hotter.

“Do?” Kiaran blinked a moment, and then laughed. “Oh, I see. You think this is a challenge to stay still, like last time. No, my sweet little pet, there is no test. I just want to watch you suffer beautifully as you always do when the clamps tighten on your chest. And you will, for me, won’t you?”

Halsin closed his eyes, trying and failing to suppress one more shiver. “Y-Yes, Sir. Of course I will, always,” he murmured, opening his eyes again to look at Kiaran with an expression filled with hunger, so similar to what he had shown that first night together, and yet different. It was a hunger for submission, for pain and pleasure and safety, more all-encompassing than his lust that first night had been.

Kiaran stroked Halsin’s hair, and then produced the collar, sliding it on Halsin’s neck, and watching his bear sigh in pleasure. He could see the shift in him when the collar was secured, could see his mindset change to his more docile, submissive one as his worries slipped away.

Pride and affection both swelled in his heart. He’d done that. He’d given that to Halsin, had given him back the ability to safely surrender control and made submission a pleasant memory for him at last. And if he had any say in it, he’d continue to do so a long time, as long as Halsin continued to crave this.

He stroked Halsin’s cheek, cupped his chin and tilted it upwards, and softly said, “On the bed, cute little thing. Spread your legs for me.”

“Yes, Sir.” Halsin rose, headed to the bed, and then laid down on his back, resting comfortably. He gave a mischievous smile up at Kiaran before slowly, tantalizingly parting his legs, knowing full well what effect that would have on Kiaran’s already heightened arousal.

Kiaran watched him for a long moment, and was about to turn to retrieve more of their toys when Halsin opened his mouth, looking uneasy. At once, Kiaran sat by him, and stroked his face. “What troubles you, sweetheart? Are you alright?” he whispered, taking Halsin’s hand into his and squeezing it.

“I- I just had this…” Halsin trailed off, closing his eyes. He steeled himself then, taking in a slow, steadying breath. “I need to ask you something, a- a sort of favor, I suppose.”

“Of course, kitten. What is it?” Kiaran asked, squeezing Halsin's hand once more.

Halsin let out his breath, and then said, “please, Sir, would… would you… hold my wrists? Just for a moment, until I ask you to let them go?” He looked up into Kiaran’s eyes, face filled with nervousness, but also with trust and a sort of eagerness.

Kiaran’s eyes went wide. “Are you sure?” he asked. “What if you get scared?”

“Then I shall ask you to release me, Sir. It is just- I… I feel… safe. With you. And I think I could come to enjoy being restrained with you, by you, if we start slowly,” Halsin whispered, squeezing Kiaran's hand. “With you, Sir, I feel as though nothing can hurt me anymore. Even though they are still out there, I feel that all will be well so long as I have you by my side.”

Kiaran’s breath was taken away for a moment as the implications sank in. His bear, his sweet honey bear, felt safe enough with him to ask for…

“Of course, kitten. How could I ever deny you?” he asked, blinking rapidly to stop tears from falling. “My good boy.” With a sharp inhale, he leaned forwards, stroking over Halsin’s wrists with featherlight touches. Halsin’s skin was warm and soft, yet tough, thoroughly used to a life of rugged living. Callouses mingled with softer spots, both nestled over that hard muscle Kiaran so loved. Kiaran could feel Halsin’s pulse happily leaping under his fingers as he stroked over every corded line of muscle.

With a here-goes-nothing look to Halsin, he tightened his grip on Halsin’s wrists, and pinned them above Halsin’s head. He moved over him, straddling Halsin’s hips to grant more leverage. His hold was loose, easily broken by just about anyone, let alone someone as strong as Halsin, but still firm enough for their purposes.

Halsin was breathing slow and steady, eyes closed. After a moment, he opened them again, and nodded his acceptance. “I liked that, I think,” he said softly.

“You did, did you?” Kiaran asked, shifting position, but only slightly, still straddling Halsin’s wide, strong hips. Halsin nodded once, and Kiaran hummed. “Are you telling me that you’d like to be held down this time, kitten?”

Halsin hesitated, thinking the question over carefully. “In time, I think I would,” he said quietly. “But for now, I fear ruining the experience should I become frightened, Sir. I think, for now, I’d like just your hands.”

Kiaran smiled, and gave Halsin’s wrists a gentle squeeze. "The full force of them?”

“Yes,” Halsin confirmed, a determined, but sincerely eager look on his face now, eyes alight. “I- I want to be yours, to be manhandled how you see fit, Sir.”

“Oh, kitten. You already were mine; surely you know that,” Kiaran murmured, leaning forward to kiss Halsin’s forehead. “But it makes me so very happy to hear you say it. I suppose I did manage to teach you something in our training earlier after all.”

Halsin shivered happily, and leaned against Kiaran's lips. “You are a very good Beast Master, Sir. Even the wildest of creatures would struggle to resist being tamed.”

Kiaran felt the praise cloud his mind like a drug, just as the allure of submission did for Halsin, and he let out a growl of approval. “Of course they would. And you’re hardly the wildest animal I’ve found, all but begging to be domesticated and spoiled,” he said, leaning forward to nip at Halsin’s jaw. Halsin moaned softly, tilting his head towards Kiaran. “But despite all that, I notice you still are in quite a bad habit of speaking whether I’ve ordered you to or not. And I think we ought to work on training that out of you. What do you think?”

“Mew…” Halsin’s cheeks blossomed with a red flush, but his cock only grew harder under Kiaran, who gently slipped forward to grind against it.

“Mm. Good kitten. That’s what I thought,” he said, holding Halsin’s hands above his head with one hand as he used the other to tug on the nipple clamps. With a near squeak of pain and pleasure, Halsin arched his back, and then let out a deeper groan as the clamps tightened.

Kiaran moved down, settling between Halsin’s legs, and he chuckled. “Oh, kitten, you’re so wet for me. Positively soaking,” he noted, pushing two fingers into the tight heat while his other hand squeezed Halsin’s wrists. “Greedy little minx, was going without your owner’s cock for just a few hours truly so hard?”

“Mew!” Halsin gasped out, nodding emphatically.

“Poor, needy little kitten,” Kiaran tutted. “I’ve got just the thing, though. Be a good boy and stay still for me while I get it.”

“Mew.” Halsin leaned back, breathing hard as he watched Kiaran stand.

Kiaran smirked, taking his sweet time holding one of his shortswords for Halsin to see. Slowly, tantalizingly, he unsheathed it, and then picked up a bottle of polish. “I find that sometimes it can be hard to get enough to do this sort of thing, but I'm sure you’ll agree that weapon maintenance is quite important,” he said airily, taking a seat at his desk.

Halsin shivered, watching him, his cock twitching with need. He resisted for as long as he could, but soon let out a noise that was almost a whine and tilted his hips up, causing his clamps to tighten more.

“What is it, kitten?” Kiaran asked, feigning ignorance. “Do you need something?"

“M-Mew!” Halsin begged, rocking his hips up.

Kiaran just chuckled. “Cats are so strange. Ah, well.” He whistled aimlessly as he sat down, polishing the metal until it shone. Then he sheathed it again and picked up the other. He glanced up periodically to watch Halsin squirm, trying his hardest to hold back a please until-

“S- Mew!” Halsin begged, rocking his hips.

“Ohhh,” Kiaran said, pretending to have just had a realization. “Oh! I see. You want to play, don’t you? Silly me. I forgot how playful kittens are.” Chuckling, he set his sword down on his desk and picked up a new toy, a little feather tied to a sanded-down stick. “Come here, then, kitten.”

Halsin’s cheeks blazed with humiliation as he climbed off the bed and crawled to Kiaran, but he did, and even rubbed his cheek on Kiaran’s thigh, nuzzling against him. “Mew.”

“Hello, sweet kitten,” Kiaran cooed at him, scratching his scalp gently. “I sure picked a precious little thing to make my own. I think I have an eye for this sort of thing.” He adjusted his position, petting his leg to gesture for Halsin to rest his head in Kiaran’s lap if he wanted to, and Halsin complied, letting out a happy hum to emulate purring. “Good boy. My sweet boy. If you’d rather receive my pettings for a while instead of playing, I’m okay with that too, you know.”

“Mew.” Halsin shook his head, pulling back.

“No? Then would you like to play?” Kiaran asked with a chuckle. He kept scratching Halsin’s head gently with one hand while he raised the toy with his other.

“Mew!” Halsin protested, the sound delightfully close to a whine in Kiaran’s ears.

“Well, then, what in the world do you want?” Kiaran asked with fake exasperation. “You’ve already been fed, so it’s not that…”

“Mew.” Halsin moved to the desk, leaned forward on his legs to resemble a cat stretching on its back legs, and pawed at one of the swords.

“Naughty kitten, get away from those at once!” Kiaran scolded, tugging on Halsin’s collar. “Such dangerous things aren’t meant for kittens. I won’t have my pet getting hurt. You have plenty of toys here that are safe to play with- if you don’t want this one, I could get a ball for you to bat around instead.”

Halsin huffed, staring at Kiaran with eager eyes, but Kiaran just poked his nose. “Enough of that, kitten. You can’t make every shiny thing you see yours, you know. Now, I gave you plenty of options. Pick one, or go lie back down and stop interrupting my chores, brat.”

Halsin actually did whine this time, leaning forward to touch the sword and giving Kiaran his sweetest begging look. But Kiaran let out a loud “nah-ah!” and swatted his hand away. “Last warning, kitten. We can play, or I can punish you- your choice.”

“Mew,” Halsin finally said, hanging his head in apology.

“It’s quite alright, pet. I wouldn’t expect a kitten to understand," Kiaran crooned. “Now, let’s try this again. What would you like to play with, little one?”

Halsin looked up at him, cheeks somehow growing redder still. He crawled to sit in front of Kiaran once more, and then leaned forward, pawing at Kiaran’s hard cock. “Mewww…”

Kiaran wasn’t sure which moment from his times lying with Halsin he would rank as the most erotic of his life, but whatever the list, this had to be near the top. His cock twitched, and he feared for a moment he might spend right there.

“Ohh, I see,” he managed to say. “Is that what you want, kitten? You want to play with your owner’s cock? Very well.” He pushed Halsin back gently, and unbuttoned his pants, letting his cock slip out. He grabbed the back of Halsin’s neck, feeling the smooth leather collar resting over it, and gently pushed his head towards it. “Sometimes kittens just need things in their mouths, I suppose. It’s only natural.”

“M-Mew.” Halsin squirmed a bit to hide a shudder.

“Adorable.” Kiaran cupped Halsin’s cheek, and then cleared his throat. "Do you know what to do, or must I show you myself?”

“Mew!” Leaning forward, Halsin closed his eyes and opened his mouth, slowly taking Kiaran’s cock into his mouth.

Kiaran groaned, parting his legs wider and none-too-gently thrusting up into Halsin’s mouth. Impatient, he forced Halsin’s head down more on his cock, savoring the muffled squeak of shock, then the gagging sounds as Kiaran pushed deep down his throat. “Ohh! Gods, kitten, your mouth- it’s fucking divine,” Kiaran moaned ecstatically, rocking his hips. He watched Halsin for signs he couldn’t take it, but he kept up very well. “You were fucking made to suck cock, kitten, your mouth is so- nnn, Gods-” He fell into a rhythm, pushing past the resistance of Halsin’s throat deliberately with every thrust.

Halsin stopped struggling, eyes drifting closed. He did his best to relax his throat muscles, and instead of trying to suck on Kiaran’s cock properly, he let Kiaran fuck his mouth as he pleased.

Kiaran moaned, tugging on Halsin’s hair, “Gods, kitten... you are perfect. Absolutely perfect,” he groaned, stars dancing in his vision as his climax neared.

Halsin groaned as well, the sound reverberating around Kiaran’s cock. He luxuriated in it all, the loss of control, the waves of utter domination and humiliation, the knowledge that Kiaran could order him to do anything and he’d do it without hesitation. He reached one hand up to stroke his collar, eyes drifting closed as he gagged once more around Kiaran. Gods. It was perfect, it was everything he wanted, and yet he wanted, needed more.

“G-Good boy, mmph, so- so good!” Kiaran cried, thrusts stuttering erratically. He let go of Halsin’s neck, not pushing him down anymore.

Halsin gazed up at him, half-lidded, pulling back just enough to give himself a moment to decide what to do. He wanted to overwhelm Kiaran with pleasure, wanted to make him feel so good he’d faint as he came. Just like a good pet should do.

Reaching under Kiaran, he cupped his heavy balls, rolled them in his hand, and then lowered himself all the way onto his cock once more. He ached for it, ached to bring his owner more pleasure than he could handle, to be good and needed and cherished and-

“Ohhh-” With a low moan that grew into a scream of pleasure, Kiaran came, shooting deep down Halsin’s throat. Halsin watched as Kiaran’s eyes nearly rolled back, trembling with every pulse of cum that shot from his cock.

“G-G-Good boy,” Kiaran managed, slumping back and panting hard. “My… my good boy.”

Fiercely proud, Halsin leaned back, panting nearly as hard as Kiaran. He massaged his throat under the collar, his own neglected cock dripping precum onto the floor. Then, insistent, he returned to their desk and grabbed Kiaran's blade, setting it in Kiaran’s lap with a determined look. He ached for the burning stretch, for the degradation of being penetrated with Kiaran’s own weapon.

“No, kitten, I said… mm. Oh, hells, I suppose you have earned it…” Kiaran allowed, thoughtfully stroking the covered blade. “And honestly, I think you’ve drained me so dry I might not cum for a while… Very well then. On the bed before I change my mind.”

Halsin beamed triumphantly, kissing the head of Kiaran’s cock in gratitude. Kiaran groaned and shuddered, and Halsin repeated it once more, energized by the reactions to the point of feeling nearly high off it. He pulled back and crawled over, jumping up onto it, and letting out a gasp when the clamps tightening on his nipples again. He whined and squirmed, trying to alleviate the pressure.

“Spoiled kitten, you already know how to play me like a fiddle, don’t you?” Kiaran said, shaking his head with a sigh. “I keep setting myself up for these things.” He idly tugged on the clamps as Halsin mewled. “Now. Spread your legs, brat, and don’t you dare complain if I’m too rough with you.” He held Halsin's hands over his head with one hand, and with his other, plunged the hilt of the sword deep into Halsin's cunt.

Halsin tried to hide his delighted cries and shudders, but he failed. “M-Mew!” he managed to say, face hot with the humiliation as it was every time he had to do so.

His thoughts idly drifted back to the Drow; it wasn’t often that he thought of them when he was with Kiaran, but with their trip to the Underdark fresh in his mind, it was unavoidable. What would they say, seeing their pet bear willingly turn himself into the exact same weak pet they always said he was?

They’d be furious to see him enjoying himself like this. They had only liked seeing things they could use to hurt him, and that was why they had so enjoyed that he initiated so many of their encounters towards the end of his time there, and why they had enjoyed his submissive side. His desperation- both to feel something good like touches from another person to stave off the loneliness, and his need to please the people who held his life in their hands- had so easily been forged into a new set of shackles to keep him chained in their bedchamber.

To see him enjoying what they had tried so hard to ruin for him forever would enrage them.

His eyes nearly burned with emotions he couldn't begin to describe. Good, he thought, fierce and bitter. I hope the Spider Queen shows them just how they failed to break their darthiir. I hope the disappointment burns their souls, wherever they are.

He watched Kiaran, oblivious to Halsin's inner thoughts, settle between his legs, teasingly stroking over Halsin’s folds with a featherlight finger. Words streamed from his lips, a filthy-sweet mixture of praise and taunts and promises that made Halsin’s core throb with need, his entire body filled with craving.

With Kiaran, he was safe. But not only safe. Every touch from Kiaran felt like it erased the ghost of a touch the Drow had once forced on him. With every touch, the Drow’s pet bear faded away, and instead, the wild bear and the sweet kitten within him grew stronger. With every touch, parts of him he thought had been lost forever returned, ready to be nurtured.

He let his head fall back, moaning wantonly as the hilt of Kiaran’s sword penetrated his wet, throbbing cunt again and again. The Drow had loved to put things in him, too, but never like this. They did it to punish, to hurt, to degrade, to make him sob and scream and beg for an end to it all. With Kiaran, even the roughest touches felt like a caress, delivered with love and for Halsin's enjoyment as much as his own, and Halsin craved them just as much as he did the sweet caresses Kiaran offered.

“Sir, please!” Halsin whimpered, exaggerated and pathetic and far higher-pitched than his natural voice. Like he really was some small, defenseless creature captured for Kiaran's amusement. “Please, not- not like this!” It felt filthy and wonderful and so freeing in ways he barely understood.

Kiaran tutted, smacking Halsin’s thigh as he scolded, “kittens don’t talk, and you should have thought of this before you demanded to play with my sword!” And then he kept going, plunging the hilt deep inside once more, twisting it.

Halsin moaned, tossing his head back, a satisfaction he couldn't quite understand burning in his chest. Defiance, maybe, towards the long-dead Drow. Or maybe something else. He whined again, weak and fake-scared and everything he wasn’t supposed to be. Wasn't allowed to be. “Sir, please, I’ll be good! I didn’t think this was what you meant!” he near-sobbed, arching his back like he was trying with all his might to dislodge the sword.

“Lies, kitten. You knew exactly what I’d do with it,” Kiaran said sharply, slapping Halsin’s cock. “You wanted your greedy cunt filled, and now you’ve got it.”

Halsin groaned, and slumped back against the pillow. As he watched Kiaran, listened to his growls and taunts, he decided this was a far better thing to think of than his captors- he had someone who deserved his thoughts, devotion, pleas, pain, and submission far more than they ever had. They'd managed to keep his mind captive far longer than his body, even after their deaths, and as he let out another whimpering protest, he decided he was ready to let Kiaran cut the shackles away.

He luxuriated in the filthy, forbidden thrills as he pretended to be an oh-so-helpless creature cruelly violated by someone he could never overpower. Felt himself sink deep into the submission, the sensations so strong that he could barely speak because a pleasant haze covered his mind, shrinking his world down to the pleasure-pain and delightful humiliation and submission. The world became reduced to the sword hitting spots deep inside him, Kiaran’s hands slapping his clit, cock, and then his ass as Halsin was forced to bend over Kiaran’s knee and take the rough smacks. Sobbing and begging all the while like he would give anything for it to stop, when in truth he would give anything for it to never end. No one else had ever let him express this side of himself before, had never even cared if it existed, except the ones who cared for the wrong reasons. He tried to gasp out his gratitude at it, at being seen and understood and being encouraged to surrender and fall apart somewhere so safe and full of love. He tried to explain his gratitude that he could find bits of himself he hadn’t even realized were missing, but every time he tried, it turned into a plea instead, expertly coaxed by Kiaran’s hands and taunting words. And some time after that, words slipped from entirely, and he was only able to groan and sigh and whimper with every smack.

And he couldn't remember anything ever having felt as safe and comfortable as giving Kiaran control of everything felt now.

It felt different this time, when Kiaran finally decided their game was complete and tried to coax Halsin back to himself. Before, Halsin had had difficulty climbing out of the mindset, but this time, he didn’t want to. It felt like sliding out of bed on a bitterly cold day, or like leaving a cherished place. He wrapped his arms around Kiaran’s waist, letting out a grumpy, petulant noise of protest every time Kiaran tried to use his name instead of calling him “Kitten.” He felt loved, protected, safe, which he always did with Kiaran, but the game they played made him feel even more so. And he didn’t want it to end yet, wasn't ready to surrender the warmth buzzing in his veins.

But eventually he had to, as the adrenaline wore off and his muscles shook and his belly growled with hunger. He let out a grumble and managed to say, “S- Love?” with a slightly hoarse voice.

“There you are.” Kiaran smiled, and dropped a kiss on Halsin’s forehead. So sweet, so caring and protective, so satisfied and happy to be here with him.

His heart sang out, and he leaned forward with a deep sigh, nuzzling Kiaran. He wrapped his arms tightly around Kiaran, then pulled him closer until they were flush together, feeling like any amount of distance between them was entirely too much. Everything was too much. And also not enough.

“Let’s go get some food, love. And then… sleep. I'm exhausted,” Kiaran said, shifting with a wince.

Worry twinged inside. Was Kiaran hurt?

Hurt?

That sobered him up instantly, and he shook his head to clear it. He couldn't focus on anything else, not if Kiaran was hurt. He forced his voice to return to him, so he could whisper, “love? Are you well?”

“I think so. I think I just overdid it a bit," Kiaran replied ruefully, massaging his right palm with his left hand.

Halsin frowned. He pressed his hand to Kiaran’s forehead, but he felt no fever. “Are you hurting? Are the effects your brain injury returning?” he asked softly, worry shifting to dread at the thought of one of Kiaran’s debilitating migraines striking. When they happened, Kiaran would be bedridden for days, barely coherent, barely able to do anything but whimper at every ray of light that hit his eyes as he covered them with anything he could reach- a pillow or his arm. He’d refuse food, and would struggle to keep down the herbal teas Halsin made him to alleviate the pain. The only thing that touched it was a Heal spell, and Kiaran tended to refuse those because he hated the side effects, namely returning memories of his previous life and misdeeds to him. He hated regaining lucidity after days of delirium only to be overwhelmed with guilt for some poor soul he'd tortured to death. He’d only allow Halsin to use the spell when the agony grew too terrible to bear any longer.

That was the last thing Kiaran needed.

“No. I promise, love, I just overdid it. I got so into it that I didn’t…” Kiaran shrugged. “I was more tired from our trip than I realized, is all. You’ll probably be feeling it before long too. Let’s get some food in us and then lie down, alright?” He kissed Halsin's forehead, smiling tiredly against the wrinkled skin.

“I… Yes. Very well.” Halsin thought he probably was feeling it already, with how his muscles were so sore and shaky, but he didn’t let that stop him from scooping Kiaran up and carrying him to the kitchen, overwhelmed with relief now that he realized that Kiaran truly was okay, that nothing was going to happen to him. It was just exhaustion, just like he sometimes felt at the end of their little games, and that was taken care of easily.

He poured their partially-eaten bowls of soup in with the pot that was still warm in the hearth, and then poured them each new bowls, setting both in the same spot. He then lifted Kiaran again, sat in his usual spot, and let his partner cuddle up in Halsin’s lap as they ate.

“You spoil me,” Kiaran said with a shaky laugh, leaning against Halsin.

“It is no less than you do for me,” Halsin murmured, soothingly stroking Kiaran’s back with a trembling hand as he ate some bread. Leaning forward, he kissed Kiaran’s cheek, and whispered into his ear, “I wanted to say… thank you, my heart. For this. For everything. This is a gift, and words cannot express…” He looked away. “I do not have to hide anything from you. It is a gift I cherish, and I will always be grateful for it."

“Thank you,” Kiaran said softly. “All of this? All that we share together? This is because of you.” He leaned against Halsin. “And I am sorry for making you worry, love.”

“You do not need to apologize," Halsin reassured him, stroking Kiaran’s hair and feeling the fierce, protective bear within him pace, ready to roar in warning to anyone who might do Kiaran harm.

But no such threat presented itself, and instead, they enjoyed a calm meal together, causing the bear to stand down. When they had had their fill, Halsin carried Kiaran back to bed, cuddled up to him, and drank in his affection like a soothing herbal tea. He let Kiaran lie half on top of him, wrapped his arms tightly around Kiaran, and closed his eyes.

His sweet, protective coyote was with him, and that meant nothing bad would happen. He could relax, and he could live free of fear, even with the other Drow noble house still out there somewhere.

“My heart?” he whispered, stroking his partner’s hair. “Are you still awake?”

“Mm,” Kiaran said lazily, hooking one leg over Halsin’s hip. “Something the matter?”

Halsin shook his head. “No, nothing is the matter,” he assured Kiaran, giving him a contented, sleepy smile.

“What is it then, love?” Kiaran asked around a yawn, hand partially obscuring his mouth. “You want to say something, that much is clear.”

“I do. I simply don’t know how,” Halsin admitted, falling silent for a moment and praying Kiaran wouldn’t nod off while Halsin tried to word his thoughts. Then, finally: “You have seen how the land has healed around us, ever since we prevailed over Ketheric Thorm and the Netherbrain? Sometimes it is slow, and sometimes rapid, but always present. New blooms, fertile soil, warm sun…”

“Yes. Your proudest achievement, I know," Kiaran said softly, face full of pride.

Halsin nodded. “Yes. But what I am trying to say, my heart, is that… when I am with you… I feel the same inside me. Every second I am with you, I feel remnants of fog being pushed out. I feel my hosts’ hold on me breaking. I feel… as though you have pruned dozens of sickly branches from me, allowing new, healthier growth of green stems instead. I feel new, and I feel more alive than I have in over a century, because of you. I do not think I have ever been so happy as I am now,” he murmured, cupping Kiaran’s cheek. “I honestly expected I’d meet my end in that goblin camp when I was taken. On the Oak Father’s own holy symbol, I never would have believed it if back then, someone had told me that out of that, I would gain all of this." He gestured to their house, out the window to the Reclaimed Lands. "You, a person so incredible that I lack superlatives, and all the children I wanted my entire life. It feels almost like a dream at times, like I might wake up one day and discover none of this was real. And yet, somehow, it remains real. You remain real. Thank you.” He kissed Kiaran, taking in a deep breath to steady himself.

What could one even say to that? Kiaran’s heart skipped a beat, and for a long while, all he could do was stare at Halsin and hold his hand, squeezing the life out of it. “My sweet honey bear,” he murmured, cupping Halsin’s face in his hands so he could kiss him back. “My beautiful, strong bear. I am so happy you are as happy as I am. I’m so glad I met you, and that you showed me so much- a life after Bhaal. How to be my own person. How to love.” He swallowed thickly, kissing Halsin again, and whispered, “thank you, my love, for the gifts you have given and will continue to give me.”

With wet eyes, Halsin pulled him closer. They lost track of how many kisses they shared that night, how many soft “I love you”s were shared, and they didn’t know the moment they fell asleep there. What they did know was that they both had a deep, comfortable sleep- even Halsin slept instead of meditating due to his exhaustion- and that their rest was free of nightmares, warm and fuzzy and refreshing. And during the night, they became so entangled that it took effort to be able to properly move their limbs when they awoke.

And when they did finally wake, they felt like the Reclaimed Lands after the first rays of sunshine in over a century had landed on them.

Chapter Text

Having an elf’s long lifespan meant that Halsin experienced time differently than other mortals. A day could still feel long, the same as for anyone, and yet he found it far easier for them to blur together. Usually it happened due to chaos leaving little room for anything else, but this time, it was finding a comfortable, contented rhythm in which to experience life that caused it.

One day, looking at his calendar, Halsin was shocked to discover that already, it had been months since their battle against the Netherbrain. It felt like just yesterday, he had built the children their schoolhouse out of the masonry that had once formed Moonrise Towers. He shook his head in amazement, and then walked over to the balcony of his and Kiaran’s home, stepping outside to watch the village in the distance. He pressed one hand to the tree he lived in in silent thanks, and watched the distant figures bustling about. Already they had a bakery, acres of farmland, and the school, and new additions were being discussed every day.

Some, Halsin expressed worry about, fearing they would disrupt the delicate balance with nature. An inn, he feared, would invite too many travelers to visit and then settle, turning their community from a place of healing to a city like all the others. And yet the others wondered what they would do if a traveler wandered through. Would they put to vote whose house they would stay in? Make them make their own camp somewhere? There was a need for some place they could offer hospitality to those who needed it, but no one seemed able to agree on how to do so. It had been the topic of debate for weeks already, and an answer didn’t seem forthcoming. Still, he had faith they would find a solution. They always did.

Halsin closed his eyes for a moment, thinking back on how how far their community had come. Thinking of how far Kiaran had too, and even, or maybe especially, Halsin himself. He thought of how safe and secure he felt, how contented and warm his heart was to know that this was his true home now, and that he finally had a home at all. At the time, he had thought the Emerald Grove was his home, but only after leaving it behind had he learned that for all the wonderful things it had been- refuge, place of worship- it hadn’t been a home.

Of course, the fact that he so aggressively refused anything even adjacent to the concept of “comfort” back then had been a large part of it. He’d always felt wrong back then, and had always said comfort was too contrary to the concept of nature. He’d been lying to himself, of course; even wild animals loved to make comfortable burrows and dens and nests. The truth had been much simpler and yet much more difficult to face: he’d never felt he deserved comfort, and especially not after the Shadow Curse fell and blighted his homeland.

And now, a century later, he was finally able to accept such things as a bed, a hearth, and lazy embraces shared with his lover.

He yawned and walked back inside, sitting down on one of their chairs and letting his thoughts drift to Kiaran, as they so often did. Swallowing, he looked over to his newly-started whittling project, the one Kiaran had assigned for him, and decided he may as well get something done while he awaited his partner’s return. He shuddered, blood rushing below his waist as it did every time he thought of the night Kiaran had given him that order, and picked up the wood and carving tools. The only thing that had prevented him from getting it done before now was that there was a certain problem that seemed to occur whenever he attempted it, but maybe he would be able to ignore it long enough to get some work done this time. Maybe it would be easier without Kiaran in the house, providing such an easy, constant distraction.

He slid his knife over the bark at the edge of the wood, deciding it would form the handle, while the wider end would be the paddle itself. He imagined what it would feel like, once it was done and Kiaran used it on him, and shuddered again. He idly stroked over a bruise left by their most recent bout of lovemaking and let his eyes drift closed, thinking again of the memories from that night. Kiaran growling in his ear, filthy-sweet words pouring from his mouth as he manhandled his strong Druid. Hands all over, bruisingly hard and then agonizingly gentle until he left Halsin a trembling, begging mess. Kiaran’s sword, pressed against Halsin’s leg, but never drawing blood- and, infuriatingly, the hilt staying firmly outside of Halsin’s body.

Halsin gave a soft groan, feeling the blood start to slowly pool in his groin. He pressed one arm over his eyes, trying to breathe hard to calm the stirrings of arousal that threatened to turn into a flood. It wouldn’t do to get worked up now, not when Kiaran was busy running errands in town and unable to provide relief for who knew how long. But there was no denying their games the night before had left him desperate, igniting as many fires inside him as it put out- by design, of course.

He groaned again, remembering how Kiaran had teased him with his shortsword. The blade dancing so frustratingly close to his skin, Kiaran’s fingers thrusting rapidly inside as Halsin mewled and begged to be fucked with the handle. Gods, Kiaran made him feel so much younger sometimes, first like a 90-year-old desperate for his affections to be returned, and now like a far younger elf still, his hormones pumping out of control and his body roaring to life at the first hint of a sexual thought, desperate and overcome with arousal he couldn’t tame.

His cock rose to full attention in spite of his efforts to slow it, and he felt the ache as his cunt became slick as well, his clit swelling. Whining softly, he rocked his hips against the air in a futile search for relief as all the blood in his body flooded his loins, leaving them aching, hot and needy and desperate.

For a moment, his breath caught as he debated what to do. It had been centuries since he had done that, but Kiaran could be gone for hours, and what would he do then?

His hand hovered over his hard cock, then pressed against it, but without moving. It brought some relief, just the sheer pressure, but not nearly enough. He groaned again and fought with himself, the Drows’ voices still so clear in his mind, but his need a louder cry than theirs.

Fumbling desperately, he slid his pants off, and then returned to his bed, staring at the ceiling for a long moment before surrendering and indulging himself in a way he hadn’t since the day he’d become a guest, prisoner, and consort of the Underdark. As he did so, his eyes flickered over to Kiaran’s shortsword, left on their desk in the corner of their bedroom, and he let out another desperate moan as his hand began to pump his heavy cock.

—

Kiaran hummed tunelessly to himself as he wandered through the commune. Most of the structures here were the same as had existed before the Shadow Curse, but others, run-down as they had been, had needed to be repaired, or even replaced. Most of that work had been done by Halsin, as much as the others had attempted to help. But eventually, they had managed to get him to back down, to prove they were strong enough now to contribute to their home just as much as Halsin.

Halsin had more roles in their village than Kiaran could count- Alderman and caretaker and sometimes-builder and counselor and healer- but for himself, Kiaran hadn’t yet found one that stuck. Sometimes he hunted; he was good at it, without a doubt, but he had felt a strange unease at times when he wandered. It wasn’t restlessness, but something close to it, he thought. Other times, he tried making tools and weapons for those that needed them- another skill he was adept at, but this one brought him little joy. It simply seemed a rote task done out of necessity. Since he tended to follow Halsin where he went most of the time, he had also gotten a feel for Halsin’s many roles, and found himself inept at almost all of them. He hardly knew what to do with children, wasn’t as strong as the bear of an elf, wasn’t much of a confidante (except to Halsin) and didn’t know how to lead unless it was a life-or-death criss like the Absolute. The last one was a problem he shared with many of his other traveling companions, as almost all of them had felt the same sense of lost purpose he and Halsin had. How could they live a normal life now that they’d spent months living every day like it could be their last?

Halsin always promised there was no timeline for this, and that Kiaran would surely find where he was meant to be, just as Halsin himself had. That Kiaran had all the time in the world to find his new self, free of both tadpole and Bhaal. Kiaran hoped he was right, but feared he wasn’t.

Still, at the very least, living here was hardly contingent on him finding a way to contribute. The goodwill he and Halsin had won by stopping the Absolute crisis was enough that Kiaran could coast on that alone for years, maybe decades (though his own guilt over being here at all after having caused so much harm was sure to stop that before long). But he sometimes got restless, hands aching for a purpose besides doling out death now that he’d conquered his Urge.

Kiaran sighed, shaking his head. It would work out, he supposed. His purpose would reveal itself to him, just as it had for Halsin. And besides, in the meantime, protecting Halsin was more than enough purpose in and of itself. His bear needed him, and Kiaran was determined to defeat the Drow who were after him so he could enjoy the life of peace he deserved.

Kiaran ducked into one of the newer shops, which belonged to their fishmonger, who had set up a series of nets and traps on the Chionthar. He was greeted by a wave and a cheerful, “ah, Kiaran!”

“Hello, Luc,” Kiaran said. “I was just thinking Halsin might enjoy some fresh fish tonight. What’ve you caught today?”

The man hummed. “Couple salmon and some trout. Not too many biters today, but I’ve got at least something fresh until tomorrow. What’ll you have?”

“The salmon, I think,” Kiaran decided. “It’s not one Halsin’s had often, you know? But of course he developed a taste for it right away.” Chuckling, he searched through his pack. “If you’re taking trades today, I’ve got some wild vegetables I foraged recently, but if not, I’ve got enough coin to cover it.”

“The silver, if you don’t mind,” Luc requested. “I’ve run a bit low.”

“Of course.” Kiaran nodded and handed over a handful of round coins, and received enough fish to make two, maybe three meals. Maybe even more if he made it into a soup instead, like one of his favorite Baldurian recipes. His own cooking was nowhere near the Elfsong Tavern’s, but he could imitate their dishes well enough for his own needs. “Thanks, Luc. Halsin hasn’t been able to enjoy fish much since he left the Grove- he’ll be thrilled you’ve taken up the job.”

“Well, it’s what I did back in the Gate. We may as well stick to what we know if it helps,” Luc said with a shrug.

Kiaran nodded, keeping it to himself that in his case, the best thing to do would to stray as far from what he knew as possible. The thought sent a twinge of guilt off in his belly. He’d never be able to fully make amends for what he’d done, he knew that, but maybe one day he could… atone somehow. In some small way.

Shaking his head, Kiaran took the wrapped fish and put them in his pack to bring home. Better do that right away, he decided, to prevent spoilage. And his most important errands for the day had already been done. Everything else could wait for another day.

With that, he turned, ready to trek back to his shared treehouse that suited him so, so much better than the Chosen’s Chamber in the Temple of Bhaal ever could. There was a time, a time he couldn’t remember now, when he knew he had lived for it, the stink of death and sickness his favorite perfume and the screams of their victims his favorite lullaby. But he was free of that person now, free of his Urge, and now he could be who he was meant to be. And that meant his cozy home with the love of his life.

Reaching his house, he climbed up inside, his pack hoisted over his back. He swung open his front door and then softly called out, “I’m home, love!”

But no reply came. Kiaran frowned, tilting his head to listen for any sounds, and heard… a grunt? And then a soft moan.

A very erotic one, too.

Kiaran inhaled sharply.

It certainly wasn’t like Halsin. His bear preferred to enjoy his pleasures with others. Giving them, receiving them, all participants feeding off of the emotions of the others present. Halsin never got off like this without someone else around.

And yet, as Kiaran crept along the hall to their bedroom door, that was exactly what he found. He stared from the doorframe with wide eyes, watching Halsin, one arm draped over his eyes, and the other…

Fuck. Halsin’s other hand was wrapped around Kiaran’s sheathed shortsword, thrusting the hilt erratically into his cunt. Sometimes slow and rough, other times fast but gentle. Just like how Kiaran himself often used it during their little games.

Panting, sweat dripping down his muscled chest and abs, Halsin slipped the hand that had been covering his eyes between his legs instead, roughly rubbing his swollen clit. Halsin groaned deeply, hips bucking upwards. “Ki- Sir,” he gasped out, finding a rhythm with his hands. “P-Please!”

Kiaran’’s breath caught, and he debated what to do. Enjoy the show? Reveal to Halsin that he wasn’t alone?

His mind whirled for a few seconds before another soft cry of his title spurred him on. He stepped forward, calling out softly so as not to startle Halsin’s bear. “By all means, my cute little kitten, give yourself the pleasure you deserve,” he growled, eyes bright with arousal. His own cock was already hard, heavy with the rush of blood.

Halsin startled at the first words from Kiaran’s mouth, his hands going still, before he calmed, the fear dying down almost immediately. But he stayed frozen as Kiaran spoke. He shivered hard, staring up at Kiaran. “S-Sir? I was not expecting you back so soon,” he gasped out.

“And you decided to use the opportunity to pleasure yourself instead of waiting for your owner to give permission?” Kiaran asked, walking forward. He tilted Halsin’s chin up, a silent question in his eyes, and Halsin swallowed as he gave a slight nod. “Now, normally I’d punish a naughty little kitten who did this, but I must say… I’m enjoying the sight far too much for that.” He reached one hand down, brushed his thumb over the tip of Halsin’s cock, and savored the desperate mewl as Halsin bucked his hips into it. “By all means, continue, kitten.”

Halsin blinked at him a moment. “You aren’t angry, Sir?” he breathed, a hint of something worryingly close to disbelief and anxiety in his voice.

Kiaran exhaled. Sitting next to Halsin, he began to stroke his hair, and watched Halsin give a deep sigh and let his eyes drift closed, drinking in the comfort Kiaran provided. “Kitten,” Kiaran said softly. It was hard to form the next words, hard to blend their game with their reality, but he needed Halsin to hear his reassurances. “Of course I’m not angry at you. I enjoy the sight, and that aside… It’s only a game. You know full well I’ve no true ownership over you.” He stroked over Halsin’s neck where his collar normally rested during these games.

“I know that,” Halsin assured him, leaning into Kiaran’s touches. “Truly, I do. It is just that…” He trailed off, looking unsure.

Frowning, Kiaran adjusted his position so he could lay at Halsin’s side. He gently pulled his sword out from Halsin’s cunt, and then wrapped his arms tightly around Halsin’s middle, earning a soft sigh. “What is it, love?” he pressed, voice soft and full of concern. “You haven’t worried like this since our first times playing this game. What happened?”

Halsin looked away, a pained expression on his face. He clenched his eyes shut, face twisting with whatever it was. “I just…” He muttered, and then trailed off again, shaking his head silently.

“Oh, love.” Kiaran stroked Halsin’s forehead, sighing quietly. “My sweet honey bear. You were enjoying yourself before I arrived, weren't you? Do you not enjoy being watched when doing such things?” He squeezed Halsin’s hand with his free one. “I could leave and allow you to finish?”

Halsin went quiet for a while, putting the words together, and Kiaran waited, silently continuing the soothing touches. Eventually Halsin opened his eyes again and softly said, “the Drow who held me prisoner… I am sure it will not surprise you to hear that they did not enjoy me taking my own pleasures. Such a thing was left to their discretion, and usually…” He made a face. “In less than ideal circumstances when it happened at all. Any other times, if I was caught, I was punished severely, and I learned very quickly that it was not worth it.”

“‘Punished severely’,” Kiaran echoed, frowning as a piece slid into place. “Like being used by passersby outside their palace?”

Halsin nodded, pained. “Precisely,” he whispered. “Their logic was that if I was so desperate for the pleasure…” He fell quiet, shaking his head and fiddling with a loose thread on the blanket. “So that was that. They taught me a painful lesson, I received it, and have never since… unlearned their lesson. In truth, this is the most bold I have been since escaping Menzoberranzan; I had thoughts of it once or twice since, but every time I got close, I… It would be as though they were before me again, threatening me if I proceeded.” He looked away, and Kiaran’s heart broke to see shame on his face. His sweet bear, who always encouraged enjoying nature’s gifts to those who would listen… of all people, he should never feel shame at enjoying his own body. Especially when he hadn't minded doing so when Kiaran had commanded it himself during their games. If he could do it at Kiaran's command, then he, of all people, deserved to on his own terms too.

Kiaran felt the rage simmer inside, and once again, he found himself wishing the Drow who held Halsin could be revived, only so Kiaran could murder them.

“Love,” Kiaran whispered, still gently stroking Halsin’s forehead. “I am sorry. I did not know interrupting you would cause such distress. Please, tell me how I can help. Would you like me to leave? To reassure you that I am not angry? Both?”

Halsin shook his head. “Truly, I know that you are not upset, my love,” he said with a pinched expression. “If I didn’t know this, I would not have been able to act as I had in the first place; I would have had the fears too loud in the back of my mind. You are the first person I have felt able to do this around since my captivity.”

Kiaran nodded, a faint smile appearing on his face for just a moment before he pressed, “Then how can I help, love?”

Halsin exhaled slowly and closed his eyes, grabbing one of Kiaran’s hands to hold it over his stomach. He laced their fingers, and fell quiet for a while, Kiaran waiting next to him.

“Aside from the obvious,” Halsin finally murmured, raising Kiaran’s hand to his cheek and pressing the back of his hand to it, “which you, Astarion, and Taviana are working on, I am afraid I do not know. I suppose it might help to experience this without being punished, but… I do not want to disappoint you if my response is not what you wanted it to be.”

“It won’t disappoint me, love,” Kiaran whispered. He used the back of his finger to gently stroke Halsin’s cheek. “You could never. You’re you.”

Halsin gave a faint smile. “It amazes me, every time you say such things,” he said softly. “I know in my heart that you mean every word, and yet I am surprised every time you speak them.”

“I understand,” Kiaran said. “I do, because I feel the same way sometimes. But they are the truth.” He kissed Halsin’s forehead.

Halsin smiled a bit, and softly said, “thank you, my heart. Truly.” He looked up at Kiaran, an edge of discomfort still on his face, and Kiaran sighed.

“Shall I leave?” he suggested, brushing Halsin’s hair away from his face.

Halsin looked up at Kiaran, and then firmly shook his head. “No, my love,” he said softly. “I do worry about disappointing you, yes… But I want you here, with me, my heart. Always.”

“That is what I want too,” Kiaran whispered, kissing Halsin’s forehead. “I want you at my side always.” Hand squeezing Halsin’s again, he whispered, “I want you to be happy and healthy and with me for the rest of our lives.”

“I will be. And I want the same with you,” Halsin murmured, nuzzling into Kiaran’s hand.

Kiaran smiled faintly, and kissed Halsin before whispering, “may I try something, love?”

Halsin looked up at him and gave a slow nod, eyes drifting closed. “I trust you, my heart. I trust you fully,” he whispered.

Kiaran smiled and leaned forward to kiss Halsin’s lips, slow and soft, before standing and retrieving Halsin’s collar. He gently placed it on Halsin’s neck, and then kissed him again. “Cute little kitten,” he cooed, one hand sliding slowly down Halsin’s body. He teased his nipples, making the Druid groan softly, and then slid down between Halsin’s legs, placing a barely-there pressure against his clit. Halsin’s breath sped up as Kiaran began working circles on it. “Sweet thing. How could I punish you when you were being so good, letting yourself feel good imagining my collar? That’s what a kitten is supposed to want, isn’t it?”

Halsin moaned, parting his legs wider in silent invitation. “Sir… Please, I- I really-”

“What, kitten? What do you need from your Beast Master?” Kiaran breathed, pressing the tiniest bit harder and earning a cry. “Speak, kitten. Use your words.”

“Sir, I- ohh- I need more. T-Touch me more. Please!” Halsin begged, letting his head fall back against the pillow. “Please!”

Kiaran chuckled. “That isn’t specific enough, kitten. Where should I touch you?”

“My… clit. Please, Sir,” Halsin begged, that beautiful red flush creeping in on his cheeks as he was forced to say filthy words he’d never speak on his own. Kiaran laughed again, and obliged his pet, working firmer, rougher circles on Halsin’s clit until he cried out and his hands shot out the grab onto Kiaran’s free hand in sheer desperation to anchor himself.

“Good boy,” Kiaran praised, settling himself between Halsin’s legs. He picked up his sword again and tapped it against Halsin’s thighs. “Open wider, kitten, let me take you. If you did it to yourself, it’s only fair I get to too,” he ordered.

Halsin complied at once, his breath speeding up in anticipation. Kiaran watched the rapid rise and fall of his chest, the sweat appearing once more on his skin, the flush on his face and the sheer need in his eyes. “Gods, you’re beautiful,” he growled, and without another word he pushed the hilt of his sword deep in Halsin’s wet cunt, earning a cry. His back arched, but his muscles clamped down hard on the intrusion.

“Oh, poor little kitten, so afraid of being left empty and wanting, aren’t you?” Kiaran cooed, thrusting the sword roughly. “Don’t worry. Your owner would never do such a cruel thing.” Halsin stared up at him with so much raw vulnerability that it made him pause for a moment, but then he pulled Kiaran down for a fierce kiss, one that left him breathless at the end.

Kiaran smiled and obliged him, kissing him as he thrust the sword inside. Halsin groaned happily, eyes drifting closed and purring with delight.

“You’re mine. You know that, don’t you?” Kiaran growled, thrusts coming harder and faster. “My little kitten, and no one else’s. That’s why I don’t care if you play with yourself like they minded.” He grabbed Halsin’s hand, guided it to Halsin’s cock, and stroked it a few times until with a groan and shiver, his kitten got the hint and started to pump himself. “And in fact, I like seeing all the embarrassing things I can make my pet do.” He stood, watching out of one eye as Halsin stroked his cock furiously, and barked, “don’t you dare cum, kitten. Now, as I was saying. You’re mine.”

Halsin groaned and gave another shudder, but whispered his agreement. “All yours, Sir.”

“Good boy. My good boy,” Kiaran growled, tugging on Halsin’s collar. “This is why I chose you, you know. This is why, when I saw you with those sorry excuses for animal tamers, I stole you away to make you mine. They had no idea what kind of gift they had in you. But I knew, and I had to have you for myself.”

Both went still as Kiaran finished speaking. Halsin’s eyes were wide as he stared up at Kiaran, who instantly gasped out, “I’m sorry, I di-" How could he have done something so stupid, said something so obviously-

But Halsin cut him off. His tone was strangely quiet, yet not fearful, and not angry, as he said, “you did? You- took me, Sir?”

If it wasn’t fear and it wasn’t anger, what was Kiaran hearing? He leaned down, shaking off his unease. If Halsin… liked that, then… Well. He’d play along, but he did want to understand why. He growled in his pet’s ear, “I did, kitten. They didn’t deserve you. I did.”

Halsin shivered, pulling Kiaran in for a kiss, that same expression still in his eyes. Finally, after a while longer looking, Kiaran was able to place at least part of it- awe.

Kiaran nipped at Halsin’s jaw where it met his neck, growling. “I knew you were meant to be mine even then, kitten. That’s why I took you back.”

Halsin groaned, and then gave a deep sigh, eyes drifting closed. Then he pulled Kiaran down, and kissed him roughly, whining softly into his mouth. Pulling away, a fierce look in his eyes, Halsin gave a noise that was nearly a purr, and parted his legs wider in open invitation.

Chuckling, Kiaran whispered, “not yet, Kitten. Roll over.”

“M-Mew,” Halsin whined, but a single glare from Kiaran was more than enough encouragement to obey.

For Kiaran, this was so similar to what they’d already done, but with an added dimension of emotion there, Kiaran wanting so desperately to take care of and soothe his partner through the game that had already brought them so much comfort, even if he didn’t fully understand what was different yet.

But for Halsin, all of it was different. It was as though something new had been unlocked in him that he hadn’t even known was there, and with every word Kiaran spoke and everything they did, Halsin slid deeper. Switching to his fake mews without being ordered to, to Kiaran’s delight; begging for more roughness, more pleasure, more pain whenever any were provided; eagerly rolling to his belly to bare his backside for Kiaran to torment when he was asked after being so cruelly left on the edge, Kiaran’s sword having been slipped free before Halsin could cum. He threw himself into it with gusto, begging for more, more, more.

“M-Mew,” he moaned, burying his face in his arms as Kiaran’s brush came down on his sore backside. “Ohh! Mew!” He restlessly rocked his hips, moving them back at just the wrong time to cause Kiaran’s hairbrush to hit him harder than it would otherwise. All intentional on Kiaran’s part, he was sure, judging by how Kiaran’s hands immediately pressed against the new welts.

“Oh, poor little kitten. That’ll teach you to stay still when you’re getting punished by your owner, won’t it?” Kiaran asked, voice syrupy sweet.

Halsin groaned into his arms. “Mew…” he agreed reluctantly, squirming under the touch. He gave another cry when Kiaran slapped his ass with a bare hand, the edge of pain driving him wild.

“And you’ve still failed to complete your little assignment and get me a proper paddle,” Kiaran chided. “If you’d done that, the weight would be evenly distributed along your cute little are and you wouldn’t be so sore, but you’ve been dallying.”

Halsin whined softly, a spurt of precum beading on his cock at the words. Taking notice, Kiaran chuckled and pumped it lightly, and Halsin’s hips bucked once more, setting him up for Kiaran’s planned repeat. He cried out at the pleasurable bursts of pain, and felt himself sink deeper again. His blood pounding in his ears, his skin tingly all over and his body so delightfully warm, his heart singing at every word of praise and taunt alike when they were offered to him.

Something strange started then. The sensations he already felt inside him, he recognized as just the high of sex- which was something he already knew he loved, cherished. But something new joined it. A feeling he most closely associated with being drunk, but he hadn’t consumed a drop of alcohol.

It happened the next blow Kiaran struck, with a flood of something elating that he couldn’t describe or explain, combined with the ones he could, like safety and warmth. He groaned happily, and this time, when his owner spanked him again, he rocked his hips back to meet it on purpose. He cried out in pleasure, felt his belly tighten-

And then came without warning all over the covers. Panting, sobbing with the sensations, cunt flooding with more heat than ever at its neglected state ever since he’d been edged with the Beast Master’s sword. Some his own doing, and some his owner’s.

“Good kitten,” his owner praised, seeming to read his kitten’s mind as he roughly slid the hilt back inside Halsin’s quivering, slick cunt. Halsin mewled, clenching on it, mind flooded with thoughts of how perfect this was, how wonderful his owner’s dominance felt and how he loved so much to be something else for once, something small and protected and Sir’s and he didn’t want it to end, not ever, wanted Sir’s collar to be permanently affixed to his neck and-

“Kitten?” Halsin heard a laugh behind him as his owner loving patted Halsin’s thighs. “Are you feeling alright, there, sweet thing?”

How much had he said out loud? All of it? He hadn’t meant to, but his body seemed to be moving outside his control, the words spoken without his input and his body seeking out every touch or blow before he registered they had even happened.

“It’s alright, kitten. Truly,” Sir chuckled. “As long as you’re alright.”

The rough thrusts with the hilt resumed, so deep he swore it could hit his cervix at any moment and oh Oak Father please keep Sir here forever don’t let him stop want to stay here like this always want to be his kitten and-

Finally he found his second release, a cry escaping him as his cunt pulsed around the sword, this orgasm far longer and deeper than when he came from his cock. He sobbed again, the intensity almost more than he could bear. His owner’s fingers felt like wildfire on Halsin’s clit, but he couldn’t seem to stop rocking against him, wailing as he begged for more, more, more. No trace of bear inside him, just his Beast Master’s sweet little kitten that loved to be stroked and manhandled and praised and hit and teased and loved and forced and yoked into submission-

“Easy, kitten, easy!” the Beast Master said, rubbing the welts on Halsin’s ass as Halsin bucked again. “It’s alright, your owner’s here. I’ve got you. Just relax, I’m not going away. On your back, sweet thing.”

With difficulty- why? Why was this so hard?- he managed to get his muscles to cooperate, looking up with a smile on his face as his owner cupped his cheeks, looking for something on his face. Finding what he was looking for, it seemed, Sir smiled and pressed a kiss to Halsin’s nose. “Cute thing,” he murmured, hooking two fingers under Halsin’s collar and tugging lightly. “My sweet kitten. You’ll do anything I ask, won’t you?”

Halsin positively purred with delight. So much so that his owner’s next order didn’t even phase him. He’d ordered it, after all. With a sigh, Halsin slipped a hand between his legs, cupping his still-warn and sensitive cunt, and slipped two fingers inside, another working rough circles on his clit that made him whimper.

“Good kitten.”

Halsin made himself look up, knowing Sir wanted it, and saw Sir’s face filled with such an intensely proud look that he could barely stand it, letting out a soft moan. Their eyes met, and again his Beast Master chuckled, kissing him. “This is why I had to make you mine. Only I could unlock this part of you. Right?”

Halsin nodded, shivering in pleasure, something deep inside him clinging to the words like a warm cup of tea on a freezing day, the words warming him up in much the same way. He trembled as he came again, the pleasure nearly unbearable. Sobbing with the intensity, he let his head fall back, and then let out a delighted moan when his owner slid between his legs and thrust inside in one smooth, unbroken motion. Halsin clenched hard around him, groaning deeply with every motion.

“Sweet kitten. You feel so good, don’t you, being mine? My adorable little pet?” His Beast Master cooed at him, nipping at Halsin’s long, sensitive ears.

“Mew!” Again, Halsin groaned, and he wrapped his arms around his owner’s back, nails digging in and his own back arching every time a thrust hit a sensitive spot deep inside. He cried out as the thrusts sped up, and he could see Sir’s climax approaching as well. He dug his nails in again, knowing how much Sir loved it, and wrapped his legs around his owner’s waist to hold him there. Then he cried out, “y-yours, Sir, yours!”

With a deep groan, his Beast Master moaned, “Kitten, fuck!” and then came, flooding Halsin’s cunt. Panting, he pulled out, and instead draped himself over Halsin, lying on top of him. “Fuck,” he said again.

“S-Sir,” Halsin part gasped, and part whined, because in truth he wasn’t anywhere ready to be done yet. “P-Please!”

“Hmm? Oh, poor kitten. Don’t worry, you’re still mine,” Sir laughed, chuckling and petting Halsin’s hair. “Cute thing.”

Purring, Halsin settled back, allowing the sensations to flood over him. Petting. Stroking. Kissing. Sometimes rougher touches, or teasing ones, meant to drive him near the point of arousal again but without getting him there. He let his owner’s words wash over him, and let himself stay adrift in this new headspace he’d found where nothing outside mattered and all he had to worry about was being a good little kitten.

Chapter Text

Kiaran watched Halsin rest, curled around the spot where Kiaran had been moments before, his breath slow and even. Despite the peaceful picture Halsin painted at the moment, it was worry, more than anything else, that rattled around in Kiaran’s mind. Frowning, he sat next to Halsin again and stroked his hair, careful not to wake him.

Halsin was many, many things. Kiaran could list almost all of them, both for better and for worse: Halsin was secretive and loving, blunt and selfless, overly focused on what he cared about and apathetic to what he didn’t, kind to the kind and unkind to the unkind. Of all the things Halsin was, though, needy had never been on the list- not that Kiaran would mind if he was- but he wasn’t.

Which was why seeing it now troubled Kiaran.

At first, it had seemed like a part of their sex games. “What’s the matter, kitten, afraid your owner will leave you to the wild again?” he had asked playfully the first time Halsin clung to Kiaran and begged him to stay. “Such a cute little thing, aren’t you?” he’d cooed the next, stroking Halsin’s back and making him shiver as he curled up next to Kiaran. “Enjoying your pettings, then, kitten?”

But then it had grown out of control. Halsin would curl up in Kiaran’s lap like a cat determined not to let their owner get up, would find every excuse not to leave Kiaran’s side even for a short venture into town unless Kiaran joined him, and conversely, also found a way to follow Kiaran every time he went there. He’d toss and turn in his meditations until Kiaran stroked his hair and soothed him.

And now, starting last night, Halsin had refused to take his collar off at all.

“Kitten, you have to take your collar off at the end of play, you know the rules,” Kiaran had scolded, moving to slide the collar off.

“No.” Halsin had rolled to one side and stubbornly lowered his head to block Kiaran’s access to his neck.

“You can keep it on a while, but you know how it is, love… that problem you’ve been having, we agreed to do things like this so you could-” Kiaran had protested, worried about Halsin’s increasing difficulty transitioning away from their games.

“No,” Halsin had said again, stubborn as ever- not only refusing to remove his collar, but to explain himself either. He reached a hand up to stroke his collar and then turned away.

And somehow, in that moment, Kiaran knew two things. One: something was wrong. Two: once again, Halsin had slipped somewhere far away inside himself. And all the arguments building up in Kiaran’s head slid away in an instant, leaving only anxiety in its wake.

Kiaran sighed, and stroked Halsin’s forehead in random patterns. “My sweet little honey bear, what is the matter?” he murmured, watching the elf’s slow breathing. “You had been doing so well. What happened?”

Deep in Kiaran’s heart, he knew the answer: it had been what he’d said about taking Halsin away from the Underdark. That had been when everything had changed, when Halsin had shifted from playing a game to something else, and when he’d shown that new, deeper mindset for the first time, to the point that Kiaran had had a far more difficult time getting him back out of it than he had any time before this.

Kiaran must have somehow pushed him too far, and the realization sent a chill up Kiaran’s spine. Had he done exactly what he feared when they’d first started this, and made Halsin’s pain worse?

Had he done something- frightened or intimidated him- to make Halsin beyond fixing? Had he lost him for good?

Kiaran bit his lip, and then pushed himself up off of the bed. He wandered outside, sat on their wooden swing, and closed his eyes, frantically searching his mind for an answer. He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. Everything had felt so perfect, so natural- for both of them, he’d thought. Halsin had seemed happier than Kiaran had ever known him to be. Hells, even after Kiaran had foolishly sunk too deep into their role-playing and growled out those words, Halsin had still, after the initial shock, seemed to enjoy it all. Relished it, even, begging Kiaran to repeat them- not just then, but in their following sessions too. Begged for it again and again and then shuddered in delight when Kiaran complied.

But then again, Kiaran thought, cold dread sliding into his belly with the weight of a stone and the burn of pure acid, Halsin had once spoke of his captors themselves like a fond memory, hadn’t he? Like it had all been a grand time but for the small technicality that he was imprisoned and his life imperiled during the ordeal.

Kiaran knew Halsin, knew his strengths and weaknesses. And one of his worst ones was his insistence on denying his own pain, at letting his mind rewrite enslavement as a cherished memory and his pain at nearly losing his homeland to a curse as “too many melancholy nights alone with honey mead.”

He doubted Halsin saw Kiaran as exactly like his Drow captors, even if what Kiaran feared was true, but what if Kiaran’s sheer foolishness had caused Halsin to lose trust in him all the same? What if it had caused Halsin to think that only the lack of opportunity had prevented Kiaran from collaring him, not as a game, but to truly subjugate him?

Halsin knew Kiaran too, after all, both after the tadpole and, to the extent that anyone alive could know, before the tadpole too. He knew, just as Kiaran did, that Kiaran had once delighted in all sorts of violations to those he sacrificed to Bhaal. Not usually before death- he was far more interested in making them dead to care about anything else- but once their pulses stopped, he had loved nothing more than claiming their corpses as his own prize. It was practically the first atrocity Sceleritas Fel had tried to coax him back into when they’d reunited. And hadn’t the low tingle of arousal he’d felt after killing his enemies been enough proof of exactly who and what he was? Hadn’t the rapture that he’d felt after waking up to find the savaged body of Alfira, adulterated only by his fear that the deed had been done in his sleep, said enough?

Maybe Halsin now sensed a danger from Kiaran that he had once tossed aside. He’d promised Kiaran he knew he was no longer a threat to Halsin, and yet… maybe Kiaran’s one careless comment had undone all of it. Undone all he had worked for.

Kiaran hung his head and blinked rapidly in a vain attempt to fight back his tears. Maybe he’d been a fool to think he could do this without being all too convincing. It seemed that he and Halsin both knew all too well what Kiaran might have done to Halsin if he’d had the misfortune of meeting Kiaran before the tadpole. At best he’d be another tortured and defiled corpse buried in a shallow grave underneath Baldur’s Gate, and at worst he’d have been a project for Kiaran, the same way Orin had thralled the Drow Minthara before her death.

Kiaran let out a shuddering breath. Maybe this had all been a mistake after all. Maybe there was a reason nothing besides Halsin’s presence in Reithwin made Kiaran feel he belonged, unlike Halsin’s easy joy in this place- and the near-comfort Kiaran did feel was certainly not as much as the sense of belonging his former self had had in the Temple of Bhaal.

Not that Kiaran would return there, either. Not after all Bhaal had done to the one he loved most and to Kiaran himself.

But where, then?

Where could a cold-blooded killer go after having lost an appetite for killing, but without having gained the ability to live without utterly ruining those around him?

Kiaran glanced back inside and bit his lip. He supposed there might be room for one more down in the Underdark, nestled somewhere in the thousands of spawn Astarion was wrangling these days. Taviana probably wouldn’t demand too many answers of him. She’d be worried about Halsin, mostly. As she should.

It would be so simple to do, and yet it felt anything but. It felt more like talking about amputating a limb. Sure, the action itself might be simple, but the aftermath? He didn’t want to imagine life without one of his limbs- and he didn’t want to imagine life without Halsin at his side.

Kiaran doubled over, the tears finally spilling over, and fought to muffle a sob.

—

There were few things in the world more frightening than not being able to understand one’s own mind. Halsin had watched it happen time and again with his companions, and most of all, with Kiaran. Halsin, being free of a tadpole, had considered himself lucky not to experience such a thing.

But now he did understand, and worse still, he didn’t even have a tadpole to explain what was happening to him.

Emotions surged in him that he couldn’t even identify, let alone control or soothe. He’d feel alright, content at Kiaran’s side one moment, and then the next… everything would feel awful, his heart pounding and a feeling of wrongwrongwrong settled deep in his stomach. He’d think of Astarion and Taviana in the Underdark, and of Kiaran’s plan to go fight the house that sought to recapture him, and suddenly find himself barely able to breathe for fear of their plan failing.

Fear seemed to be the only part of himself he could figure out, but there was something else that wasn’t fear and it eluded him. All he knew was a feeling like the word wrong was filling his consciousness with every heartbeat.

His house felt wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on how or why. It was still his, still filled with all the things he and Kiaran had put there, and still safe. But every time he walked through it, the overwhelming feeling of wrong grew, and sometimes it felt alien despite being familiar.

His commune felt the same. He’d look at it, filled with new homes and playing children, and bathed in bright sunshine he had waited a century to see, and instead of joy or satisfaction, he’d feel a prickly sensation under his skin.

Not even playing with the children felt right. Multiple days in a row, he’d cut short their playtime and their stories, telling them that he was tired. But most of the children were old enough to know that there had to be a reason to feel tired that much, and he was running out of excuses. He wasn’t a skilled liar on his best days.

The closest experience he could compare it to were the handful of times he’d been charmed by an enemy mid-battle. But his elven ancestry made it very difficult to charm him to begin with, and there was neither a person around with a motive or the skill to do so, nor a sign he’d been charmed to begin with.

The only thing that seemed to help in these episodes was Kiaran. Sometimes just being with him helped. Other times Halsin threw himself into their games with the desperation of a beached fish returning to water, desperate to return to something that did feel right- submission, sex, connection with Kiaran. He found himself craving it in ways he hadn’t before, not even with the higher-than-normal appetite he’d always had.

But it wasn’t enough.

It was never enough.

Halsin felt the despair grow, and so too did his feeling of wrongwrongwrong everywhere he went, everything he did.

He paced the rooms of their house like an anxious animal. Even his wildshape didn’t feel right. He would transform into his bear form only to feel like jumping out of his skin. It was his bear form, but the anxiety was so immense inside him that he could hardly stand to stay in that shape. Even his bear was sluggish and confused when taking the reins, and the rest of the time it was quietly anxious as well.

And worst of all, he found he had no words when Kiaran, face wrinkled with worry, would sit in front of him to ask questions Halsin had no hope of answering.

“What’s wrong, love?” Kiaran would ask, hand stroking Halsin’s face, and he would stay silent. He didn’t know, and he didn’t know how to explain that he didn’t know.

“This isn’t you,” Kiaran would say, watching Halsin try his best to fit himself in Kiaran’s lap to curl up. It wasn’t him. He knew it wasn’t. But how could he explain that doing something so unlike him was the only thing that calmed him anymore?

“I’m only going into town to get us some bread, love,” Kiaran would murmur, before giving in with a tiny, nervous smile. And Halsin knew that it was only for a short while, but the wrongwrongwrong inside him felt like the world might end if they were apart for that only a moment. But saying it that way would only make Kiaran worry more, so he said nothing.

“Don’t you want to wildshape? I haven’t seen a glimpse of a bear all day,” Kiaran would say with a halfhearted laugh, stroking Halsin’s hair, and Halsin would just sigh and go through the motions of transforming only to shift back the instant Kiaran was out of sight.

“You have to take your collar off soon, love,” was the newest one. Halsin knew he was supposed to. He and Kiaran had agreed he needed to so he would be able to come back to himself after they played. He still couldn’t make himself do it.

He knew he was hurting Kiaran again, just as he had when all this had started. He knew it and he hated it. He wanted to stop it. But he couldn’t. How could he fix something he couldn’t even identify, let alone explain? How could Kiaran? And wouldn’t Kiaran get angry at himself for not being able to help the one he loved instead?

Halsin watched Kiaran through the glass door of their bedroom as Kiaran sat outside on their balcony. He wanted more than anything to comfort him, to promise all would be fine, and for that to be the truth. He wanted to wrap his arms around Kiaran and apologize for whatever had come over him.

Instead he remained in place, curling himself around the spot where Kiaran had been resting before, with his collar stubbornly staying on, and with his own mind filled at the same confusion and worry Kiaran’s undoubtedly was.

He saw Kiaran stand, and he waited. He hadn’t expected Kiaran’s eyes to be reddened and filled with tears, but it didn’t exactly surprise him, either. With a frown, he reached out, but Kiaran just shook his head and sat on the end of the bed.

“Love,” Kiaran said, voice carefully controlled. He neither touched nor looked at Halsin. “We need to talk.” With a steadying breath, he muttered, gazing at his knees, “I… I don’t… I didn’t mean for this to happen. And I’m sorry for- for all of it. If I could take it back, I-”

Halsin frowned again, and shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “You’ve- it is… You’ve not done anything wrong, my heart.”

“No?” Kiaran’s eyes burned as he finally looked up. “I haven’t? Then why have you been jumping at shadows for days?”

“That… was not your fault,” Halsin protested weakly. “I don’t understand what is happening myself, but I…” He fidgeted with the blanket. “I assure you, whatever I feel, you’ve done nothing at all to cause it. It is just that I- I don’t… feel like myself.” He averted his gaze, the humiliation of the admission washing over him.

Even not looking, Halsin could feel Kiaran’s gaze on him, worried and lost, as he said, “I know you’re not yourself. And that’s what worries me.”

Halsin exhaled.”Still, it is not your fault. I simply- there is something else that I am feeling. That is all. I promise you, my love.” Kiaran went quiet. Halsin raised his arms, and then lowered them without a word.

“Here’s how it looks from where I am,” Kiaran finally said, his voice a tone of forced measuredness. “Maybe you don’t, I don’t know, realize it, or maybe I’m entirely wrong. But for me, we were enjoying our game. And then suddenly, you were acting… well, like it was real. And I thought it was just you getting more into it than usual. But ever since then, you’ve been frightened, you won’t let me out of your sight, you don’t wildshape much, and…” Kiaran waved his hands helplessly. “You won’t even take your collar off. And- look, you don’t have to lie for my sake, alright? I know what I am and I know I was the one to fuck this all up. Just tell me the truth, so we can decide what I should do to fix it.”

The words hit Halsin like a Call Lightning spell, and he sucked in a strained breath as the meaning under Kiaran’s words registered. Worst of all, what was hidden inside Kiaran’s words. “No,” he said, weakly, unable to find more words. Nonono wrongwrongwrong- it felt like it was closing in on him, the wrong inside. With a groan, he buried his head in his hands, trying to block it all out. Nonono don’t leave please don’t leave you’re the first one who ever wanted to stay please don’t go-

“No, what?!” Kiaran cried, voice louder than he meant it to be. “‘No, don’t go’? I hurt you that night, obviously, Halsin! I’m not going to let it happen again when you’ve been through so much! Whatever I did, I- no! No more! You mean too much to me to let this happen again! If it means losing what we have, then- then that’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make! I can’t let you get worse after we fought so hard to- to make this bearable! I can’t do that to you.” His voice fell, and quavered. “I can’t.”

Halsin groaned again, trying to force out the words, but all that came out was a high-pitched sound of leaking air. Wrongwrongwrong. His skin prickled, and his eyes burned golden before he fought his bear back down. Not only would it make the situation worse, but he didn’t want to wildshape again until the wrongwrongwrong went away. Confused, his bear surrendered, but began to pace inside him.

“Please,” he finally managed to say, voice small. “I… do not understand what is happening, or why. It confuses me as much as it terrifies me. But I know what I have been feeling was not your doing. I know it in my heart of hearts. P… Please, Kiaran. Do not leave. I…” His mind wanted to say more words than he was capable of forming. Apologies and promises and who knew what else.

Kiaran was quiet for a long while, first standing to pace the room, and then returning to Halsin’s side, all before speaking another word. “I need you to tell me, then: why, if this isn’t anything I did, why did this all start when we were playing?” Kiaran said, reaching out to take Halsin’s hand.

Halsin exhaled, relief washing over him like a splash of warm water before the wrongwrongwrong swallowed it again. He knew, whatever else happened, that Kiaran would at least stay through it. He knew Kiaran hadn’t wanted to leave any more than Halsin wanted him to, and that was why it was so easy to talk him into staying in the first place.

Maybe Kiaran needed Halsin as much as the other way around. Kiaran had said as much, but Halsin still struggled to believe it.

The bear inside him burred out a faint approval, then returned to pacing in his mind. Halsin swallowed, trying to word an explanation for Kiaran. “I… am afraid I don’t have an answer. Truly, it escapes me,” he whispered, hating it, how small he felt, how beyond his own control his mind felt. “I wish I could tell you, but I do not understand it myself, so I cannot explain it to you, either.”

Kiaran sighed, and reached out, taking Halsin’s hands in his. “Talk it through with me, then. What you felt. Please? I think it’s the root of this, whatever it is, even if you don’t realize it. It’s just, if you could see it through my eyes that night- you acted so different so suddenly, and haven’t been the same since- and I really think it has to be the root of all this.”

Halsin nodded, unable to deny the logic, and thought back to that day. “I enjoyed it,” he said softly. “Too much, I fear…” He reached a hand up, and stroked over his collar. “It felt… wonderful, and I felt so very… cared for. Safe. And…”

“And?” Kiaran prompted, frowning.

Halsin reached out, and took Kiaran’s hand, closing his eyes and anchoring himself with the touch. “I liked when you said those possessive and humiliating things to me.”

“But?” Kiaran asked.

Halsin shook his head. “There is no ‘but,’” he said. “I enjoyed it, and that is why I begged you to continue.”

Kiaran frowned again. “Back up, then. Walk me through it all.”

“All of that time together? Very well… We were playing,” Halsin recalled, voice soft. “You were saying the things you usually do, the ones that make me feel…” A blush crept up his neck and to his face. “So delightfully safe and cared for in their strange way. I felt safe, knowing you were not mad at me for… pleasuring myself when you entered our home.”

Kiaran made a thoughtful noise. “But did you truly know I wasn’t mad at you?” he asked, clearly fishing for anything that could be the basis of an answer.

Halsin nodded once. “I believe so. I suppose at first, I feared you would be furious, because the last time I had engaged in that behavior was in the Underdark, and part of me still fears those punishments. But you showed you weren’t angry quickly- promised me you weren’t- and I trust you, always.” He looked down at his hands, thinking deeply, trying to find some vague forgotten emotion that might explain this. “And I enjoyed being shown how much pleasure you felt seeing me that way. I…” He sighed, shaking his head. The rest of it, even as he tried to put it into words, felt vague and muddy.

“I am sorry, my heart. In truth, I do not know how clearly I will be able to recall that night, because I felt… very deep in that mindset I enter when we indulge in our fantasy, and sometimes I have difficulty with my recall of those moments. I always remember that I enjoyed them very much, but sometimes the finer details are lost, and that is the case now. I remember that what pushed me into that mindset, so to speak, was what you said about the Drow, and that it felt-”

Kiaran looked away, eyes closed in pain. “I knew that was the cause of all this.”

“No. It was not. Please believe me,” Halsin said softly. “It felt safe. I felt safe. In truth, I- I wished-”

And then he fell silent.

Suddenly, it made sense. Suddenly, he had his missing piece of the puzzle.

But he was in no better a position to explain it to Kiaran. How could he ever hope to explain it, especially to Kiaran, who already feared their games had harmed Halsin? Speaking what he had just realized would only cement the idea in his mind.

He took in a breath, and averted his gaze.

“Love? Shit- what is it?” Kiaran asked, squeezing Halsin’s hand. “Love, whatever it is, I promise I won’t be mad, alright? Please, tell me. We have to fix this before it gets worse.”

Halsin shook his head, gently pulled his hand away from Kiaran’s, and stood. The bear within pawed at him again, begging for control, but Halsin pushed it down, too. Confused as the bear was, he feared it would blame Kiaran for their situation and lash out accordingly. But the truth was that it wasn’t Kiaran’s fault at all; it was solely Halsin’s.

Shame rose like bile in his stomach, and he turned his back on his partner, preparing to flee to the outdoors as he always did. Even as he moved, though, the wrongwrongwrong screamed at him not to stray so far from his partner.

His breath caught, and then sped up, and in his heart he began to feel as trapped as he had in the Drow matron’s shackles.

“Please,” he finally said. “Please, would it not be enough to simply tell you that this- that these feelings I have- are not your fault in the slightest?” He rubbed his chest as a crushing pain set in.

Kiaran’s eyes went wide, recognizing the motion. “You haven’t had one of those in months. Oh, sweetheart,” he whispered, voice filled with sympathy and worry that Halsin could barely handle.

In a second, Kiaran’s arms wrapped around Halsin, who let out a shuddery breath. It all crashed into him, the weight of it, the fear, the inability to understand his own thoughts and feelings, and he found himself squeezing Kiaran painfully tight before he caught himself and loosened his grip to something more reasonable. “I am sorry,” he said, near tears. “I- I did not mean to hurt you.”

Not the hug, and not his behavior the days before, either.

Kiaran pulled back and looked carefully at Halsin. “You’ve been having panic attacks again. And hiding them,” he stated, and though his tone was neutral, Halsin felt the shame creeping up again.

“Yes, and no,” he answered, clenching his eyes shut. “I have had them, and yet… They are not the only problem. There is something else inside me that I do not understand and cannot explain, though I’ve tried to. I suppose… the simplest explanation I can offer is that it feels as though almost everything is wrong in a way that defies words. I… will wander about,” he raised his arm to gesture around their home, “and though it is familiar, and I know it is our home, it still feels as though there is something wrong with it that I cannot find. As though it’s wrong even though it is ours.”

Kiaran was quiet, taking it all in. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I’m sorry, love, that… you’ve been hurting and… and not able to…”

“I wanted to tell you,” Halsin murmured. “But I had no words for it. I feared I had succumbed to insanity for how sudden and so… unlike anything I have experienced before this was. I have never felt lost in my own home before.” He looked down at his hand, still wrapped around Kiaran, flexed it, and sighed in frustration. “ Listen to me… Perhaps I have gone mad.”

“No. Love, no. I’m no healer, but I promise you, you aren’t mad,” Kiaran whispered, pulling Halsin into another tight hug. “I can’t pretend to understand what is happening, but… to me, it sounds more like an extension of your panic attacks than anything else. Maybe your fear is… hurting you, your mind, somehow.”

Halsin made an unhappy noise, not quite a huff. “In that case, then why have the episodes come back, and worse than before, when I had felt better than I had in centuries?”

Halsin could see Kiaran’s face fall even though their positions allowed him to see nothing but the top of Kiaran’s head. “That, my love, is why I’ve been so afraid it was something that happened during our game,” Kiaran muttered.

Halsin looked away. “It would make the most sense, but it is not the case. If anything, I- I enjoyed so much of it that it serves to bolster my earlier suggestion of insanity as the likeliest cause.”

Kiaran stiffened, and then looked up at Halsin, carefully pushing his hair out of his face. “Explain.”

Halsin simultaneously regretted speaking, and felt a wash of relief at being requested to elaborate. He didn’t want to be thought of as having taken leave of sanity, but something appealed about it being out of his hands now. He sighed, and pulled far enough back that he could walk over to the bed again.

Kiaran watched him, watched the man he loved so painfully much, and once again felt the flood of guilt that had plagued him the last few days. “Love?” he called softly as he walked over. He knelt in front of Halsin, as he had done once before, and took Halsin’s hands in his. He searched for something comforting to say, but his growing worry limited his options.

He didn’t know what he expected Halsin to say, as the elf opened his mouth. Maybe Kiaran had spent so long thinking he had hurt Halsin that he wasn’t truly prepared to hear anything contradicting it, or maybe it was that the answer came so close to what he had thought, only to veer away at the last moment, that he couldn’t process it. But no matter what the cause, he found himself blinking all the same, sure he had misheard.

“The only problem with what you told me that night,” Halsin said, voice growing heavier with dread with every word, “was that I-” and tears entered his eyes too, now- “wished it was real. I wished you meant it.”

“W- What?” Kiaran stammered, staring up at him. Suddenly, everything and nothing made sense. “You wished- you wished what I said was real?”

Clearly miserable, Halsin nodded silently.

It all made sense, and none of it made sense. Of course that was the cause of Halsin’s distress; Kiaran had spent so long focused on the possibility of Halsin mistaking their games for reality that he hadn’t considered the one more frightening option. Of course it was the cause of Halsin’s distress; Halsin was a logical man who valued freedom above all else, so for him to be confronted with a desire so outside himself that he could never understand it…

But that was precisely why it made no sense. How could Halsin, of all people, want…?

“Love,” Kiaran whispered, holding Halsin’s hands in his and rubbing the backs of them. “My sweet honey bear. I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. I’m sorry I didn’t know how bad it was.”

Halsin just shook his head, but words seemed beyond him for the moment. Terrified Kiaran would bolt, maybe, or agree that Halsin had gone mad.

Kiaran fell quiet as well, mind whirling. He didn’t think Halsin was insane. He also didn’t think any of this sounded right. But how could he even challenge such a thing without sounding, at best, terribly insensitive?

“When you say you wanted it to be real… you don’t mean just the part where I said I took you away from your captors, do you?” Kiaran asked. He didn’t think so, but it was worth a shot. Halsin shook his head again, silently confirming Kiaran’s suspicion, and Kiaran nodded thoughtfully. “So you meant all of it, me stealing you and making you my pet.” He waited for Halsin to nod. “Why? Maybe… that will help. If you can figure out why you wanted it to be true?” He reached up to press one hand against Halsin’s chest, and winced when Halsin’s heart pounded rapidly under his palm. “Oh, love.”

Halsin paid his reaction no mind. Kiaran watched his face as he thought, the furrowing of his brow and deep frowns. He said nothing more, waiting for Halsin to come up with an answer, but he continued holding onto him, wanting to ground Halsin with his presence.

When Halsin finally spoke, Kiaran came close to wishing he hadn’t; hearing the shame in Halsin’s voice was like getting stabbed in the heart. “I cannot explain it entirely. But I know that part of what I felt, part of the pleasure I derived… The feeling of safety, I suppose, was one element of it. But…” His face twisted. “More than that… I simply…”

Halsin shook his head again. “Oak Father preserve me… It is the truth, that I would have been happier if you, even the Beast Master version of you from our games, had spirited me away from there. Even if it was to keep me as your pet, I still…” He reached up, stroked his collar, and heaved a sigh. “I wish someone had been there back then to come to my rescue, even if it was just to subjugate me all over again.” He looked away, seeing the stricken expression on Kiaran’s face, the way his lips opened to whisper an apology. “I do not hold that against you, my heart; you had not been born yet. I know that if I were to go missing today, you would not rest until you found me and returned me safely home. And yet, all the same…” And his eyes grew wet. He pressed a hand to his chest and breathed deeply, painfully. “For the three years I was House T’sein’s guest, prisoner, and consort, none of the people I considered my family at the Grove came for me. They did not simply try and fail to locate me- no one even looked. Nor did they come for me when I was a guest of the goblins.”

The tears finally began to fall. “Did I mean so little to them?” Halsin whispered, and then answered himself, “I must not have, for them to care so little that I was absent for three years. And so, when you said that you had to steal me for your own, you wanted me so, it was…” He took in a shuddering breath. “It was the first time in my adult life that someone I cared for showed they would free me instead of leaving me to their mercy, given the chance.” He tugged hard on his collar, letting out another ragged breath. “I wanted that to be real. I wanted to pretend that… that someone thought of me as worth saving in the first place, even if only to put me in new chains.”

Halsin bowed his head. “I suppose,” he finished, voice rough, “I suppose… that this is… why I behaved so strangely. This…” he pressed a hand to his chest. “This feeling…”

“You’ve been hurting,” Kiaran whispered, his own eyes wet. “I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry. And- please, you have to know that I would have saved you if I’d been there back then. And it would never have been the Beast Master version of me. I would have saved you to free you, not to enslave you again.”

“I know.” Halsin’s throat stung. “Of all the people left in my life, you are the only one I truly believe would actually come for me.” He looked down at Kiaran, heart aching.

“That isn’t true,” Kiaran protested. “Not anymore. I’d fight the hardest by far, but there would be a line of people, adults and children alike,” he pointed out towards the commune, “right behind me, fighting to be the first to put down whatever foe had captured you.”

Halsin sighed. “Perhaps. Or perhaps it is the case that they see just how insignificant my contributions are in the long run. Anyone could have done what I have. Gathering refugees, moving some stones? Telling children bedtime stories?”

“But anyone didn’t do it!” Kiaran cried, squeezing Halsin’s hands. “You did, and you alone. You’ve barely let anyone else even lift a finger to help build this place. You were the only one to care about the refugees enough to dream of a way to improve their lives and offer them sanctuary! How could you doubt these people care for you, Halsin? They only have this life because of you!”

Halsin fell silent, and averted his gaze again.

Kiaran felt more pieces slide into place, though he didn’t voice this yet. He stood, and carefully crawled into Halsin’s lap to wrap his arms better around him. “I love you. No matter what, I love you, my sweet honey bear.”

“I know. And I love you too, my heart,” Halsin whispered back, arms sliding into place around Kiaran’s shoulders. “Always. I am so grateful to have found you.”

Kiaran snuggled into Halsin’s warmth and fell quiet. How could he fix this? He worried, listening to Halsin’s rapid heartbeat. How could they heal wounds that had been festering for centuries inside his partner?