Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bae Jinyoung is the man of many peoples’ dreams.

Yonghee would know. Bae Jinyoung has been the man of his dreams since he was about eleven years old.

They first met in secondary school as classmates of the same grade. Yonghee, however, hadn’t been as blessed in the whole “popularity” department like Jinyoung had been. Yonghee was always a little more on the ‘strange’ side of things, personality wise, but he never let that get to him. Yonghee likes himself and his personality well enough, and he’s never taken well to people trying to make him feel bad about it. Even as a child, Yonghee hadn’t let people bully him into disliking himself.

Bae Jinyoung had been the it boy for all of the years that Yonghee went to school with him.

And, really, Yonghee can’t blame him or anyone else for treating him in such a way.

Jinyoung has always been what every person, male or female or nonbinary alike, seems to want. He’s gorgeous—even as a kid, Yonghee thought Jinyoung was way too pretty—and he’s smart and he’s friendly. He gives everyone the prettiest of smiles and he’s never one to turn out helping someone out. He’s funny—though Yonghee only ever laughed when everyone else was laughing at something he said, so maybe he’s not actually that funny—and Jinyoung is very much the kind of person you just want to be around.

They were never close during all their years of secondary and high school. In fact, they weren’t even friends. Yonghee and Jinyoung have always been more like acquaintances than anything else. They’d worked on several group projects together before, and though Yonghee tried his damndest to be noticed by Jinyoung when they were kids and teenagers, it never really worked out in Yonghee’s favour. He always seemed to stray too far on the outside of Jinyoung’s social circles.

Instead, Yonghee has suffered a life of perpetually being on the outskirts of Bae Jinyoung’s life for the past decade.

It’s not like he blames Jinyoung for all of it, but there’s also a part of him that does. Admittedly, harbouring a crush on a guy for nearly over a decade will do some things to your psyche that you’re not entirely proud of. Which includes being upset with and at the object of your affections. Even to this day, Yonghee is still very much infatuated with Bae Jinyoung. It’s honestly pretty terrible.

Yonghee has dated around plenty in the past several years. He actually had one that lasted three years—it’s been two years since their break-up, but it had been amicable between them. Yonghee still talks to Seunghun regularly, though they don’t meet up as often anymore. Mostly due to the fact that Seunghun lives several hours away, and Yonghee is a broke university student.

So it’s not as though Yonghee hasn’t tried to get over Jinyoung in his life. He had actually thought he’d get there with Seunghun, but life got in the way, and things just didn’t work out for them. Yonghee is just glad that they were able to come out of it as friends, and not extremely bitter exes. Still, it’s upsetting that even now, rather than dreaming about getting back together with Seunghun, Yonghee’s mind makes him dream about Bae Jinyoung when he hasn’t seen the man in person for close to three and a half years now.

However, it would seem that Fate has decided to play a very funny game with Yonghee’s life.

Yonghee stares in disbelief as none other than Bae Jinyoung walks into the same lecture hall as him. He’s already in his seat—in the middle, at the very end of the long desk to keep himself away from too many chatty people—and now he feels he intense urge and need to get up and evacuate the entire university campus, lest he risk the absolute mortification of running into Bae fucking Jinyoung on his university campus.

He didn’t even know that the two of them were going to be at the same university together. It’s like Life decided to give Yonghee a slap in the face in the form of his long-time crush walking right towards him.

Wait.

Towards him?

Yonghee’s eyes go wide. They are absolutely not deceiving him.

Bae Jinyoung is walking right towards him, right along the narrow inside of the desk set up of the lecture hall.

Why the hell is he coming over here? Yonghee is wishing so desperately for the Earth to open up under him and swallow him whole. He does not want to be here right now, and he certainly does not want to be here to suffer and pine over a man he will never be able to have.

Jinyoung smiles directly in Yonghee’s direction, and Yonghee feels his entire will to run away shrivel up and die. There’s no escaping Bae Jinyoung, it would seem. Even ten years later, Yonghee’s heart still skips beats when he sees the young man. Yonghee frowns to himself as he turns away, curling up against the edge of his desk. He is desperately hoping that Jinyoung doesn’t notice him there. Or that he’s just going to ignore Yonghee’s presence, like he’s always done before.

No such luck is on Yonghee’s side.

“Hi, is this seat taken?” Jinyoung asks, his voice now so close.

Yonghee swallows. He sits himself up straighter in his spot, turning to look up at Jinyoung, and—

Yonghee really regrets it. Jinyoung is so pretty up close like this. Fuck “pretty,” Jinyoung is gorgeous. He’s really grown up since high school. He’s taller than the last time Yonghee remembers seeing him—but that’s also been several years. Of course he’s grown since then. His hair is also longer. So much longer than Yonghee’s ever seen it on him before—actually, it might be the exact same length that his own hair is currently at, which is just at the end of the back of his neck and constantly covering above his shoulders.

He’s pretty. That’s the thing. Jinyoung is so pretty and Yonghee hates him for it.

“Um, no?” Yonghee sounds unsure, so he shakes his head and nods towards the empty seat. “No—it’s not taken. It’s open.” Why are you saying that, Yonghee? Come on!

Jinyoung smiles even brighter before he sits down. Yonghee turns his attention towards the front of the lecture hall and decides he wants to die.

Yonghee has no idea how he’s supposed to survive three hours listening to the professor talk about statistics when Bae Jinyoung is sitting directly to his right.

Please, God, if you’re real… let this be a dream.

Unfortunately for Yonghee, it is not a dream.

Bae Jinyoung is actually his fellow classmate in his university Statistics class.

He pushes his way through the crowded hallway of the building until he reaches the exit, breathing in the fresh air so deeply that it makes himself a little dizzy with it. Yonghee sighs heavily as his feet take him to one of the benches outside. He drops himself down onto it, shoving his face into his hands as he groans loudly.

“Why me…?” Yonghee grumbles, rubbing at his temples.

“Are you alright?” Yonghee jumps in place, gasping softly as his head whips up to see Jinyoung standing in front of him. Again. Why does this keep happening to me? Jinyoung has a small frown on his face, his head tilted a bit. “Is something wrong with your head?”

Why is he talking to me? Yonghee laments internally, frowning himself. He breathes in deeply, keeping one palm pressed gently against his left temple, sitting back a little in the bench. “I’m fine,” he lies, hoping it will be convincing enough for Jinyoung to not pry into more. “Statistics just make my brain hurt. I guess that’s a bit ironic, since I’m going to college to be a teacher and I know about the statistics of space.”

Jinyoung laughs softly at Yonghee’s words. It’s melodic, almost hypnotizing. Ah, fuck. Yonghee’s really never going to over this damn crush of his.

“They can be a little much if you’re not used to them, especially if you’re just used to a specific kind of statistics.” Jinyoung says, now smiling as he shifts and sits down onto the bench next to Yonghee. “If you need any help with the class, you’re more than welcome to ask me. We’ll probably be seatmates for the rest of the semester, right?”

God, Yonghee hopes not. He doesn’t think he can handle being seatmates with Bae Jinyoung for an entire semester of university. He’d rather just be in a classroom alone, at this point, despite the fact that Yonghee enjoys meeting people and being out-going with them.

“Hey, by the way…” Yonghee lets his hand drop as he looks up towards Jinyoung then, his eyebrows furrowed together slightly. “You seem really familiar. Have we met before?”

Have we met before, Yonghee thinks, rather bitterly. Despite how his heart feels, the logical side of Yonghee’s brain is finally starting to shine through.

It’s not directly Jinyoung’s fault that he never truly noticed Yonghee. Though Yonghee tried his best when they were kids, they just weren’t meant to be friends back then, it would seem. Not for a lack of trying on Yonghee’s part, at least. And maybe Jinyoung just hadn’t wanted to be friends with Yonghee. Honestly, if Yonghee were to know that now, he’d be fine with it. It’d probably make him feel more at peace.

It’s just—strange. Why is it that now, all of a sudden, Jinyoung is thrown into his life and wants to be all buddy-buddy?

Yonghee should be thrilled. He should feel over the moon! Overjoyed, even! And yet—

And yet Yonghee just feels anger. Sadness. He’s mourning for something he never had as a child. It’s not fair to Jinyoung. Yonghee already knows he’s internally blaming this on someone who is innocent—it’s not as though Jinyoung has ever known about Yonghee’s feelings for him. He’s feeling so many complicated things right now that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He feels like snapping.

“We went to all of secondary and high school together,” Yonghee finally confesses, looking away from Jinyoung now.

“Really?” Jinyoung sounds surprised, like he can’t believe it. Yonghee sometimes can’t believe it, either. “I thought I recognized you, but I wasn’t sure. What’s your name?”

“Yonghee. Kim Yonghee.”

“Yonghee.” He’s only a little ashamed of the way his stomach flutters when Jinyoung says his name like that. “Wait, I remember a Yonghee from before. Is that really you?”

Yonghee is a little startled that Jinyoung seems to recognize him after learning his name. Had he really made such an impression on him throughout their many years of school together? Maybe. It’s surely possible.

“You look so different than you did back then,” Jinyoung says. Yonghee looks up just in time to see a small smile on Jinyoung’s face, his eyes fixated on Yonghee specifically. “Your hair’s a lot longer. It used to be super short, right?”

It did. Yonghee doesn’t know how Jinyoung remembers that. “Yeah. I mean, I just felt like growing it out recently… my ex-boyfriend convinced me to keep it long, and I’ve really liked it since, so.”

“That’s cool. I’m glad he was able to convince you about it.” Jinyoung’s smile widens, his eyes crinkling slightly around the edges. “It looks good on you.”

Yonghee is wrong. Maybe this is just a dream. “Um, thanks. Yeah. Your hair is longer, too.” He says, pointing up towards Jinyoung’s head. “I don’t remember it ever being that long back in school.”

Jinyoung hums as he leans back into the bench, nodding. He reaches up and runs his fingers through the ends of his hair, smiling. “I always thought longer hair would look bad on me. But I let it grow out and I’ve liked it, too. You like it?” Jinyoung looks at him, an eyebrow raised.

Is this a trick question? Yonghee feels like he’s being tested right now. He swallows quietly to himself, before he nods. “It looks nice on you, too.”

Jinyoung grins, beaming in Yonghee’s direction, and Yonghee sort of feels like he’s being burnt by the sun.

Yonghee does his damndest to avoid Jinyoung outside of their shared Statistics class as much as humanly possible. And he, surprisingly, does rather well at it. Jinyoung only catches him outside of class every now and then, but Yonghee will make up some kind of excuse to leave after about five minutes or so of talking.

Look, Yonghee wants to be friends with Jinyoung—really, he does!—but he has to work his own shit out before he can actually do it. The more Jinyoung wants to get closer to Yonghee, the more frustrated he gets. He just doesn’t understand it. What’s so different about him now versus when they were kids? Is it his looks? Is Yonghee suddenly so much prettier that it’s making Jinyoung want to befriend him? If so, that somehow enrages Yonghee even further.

He’d rather be liked for who he is rather than for his looks.

But maybe Yonghee is thinking that Jinyoung is shallow like that. He was always surrounded by the most popular kids when they were younger—the ones who were pretty and good looking and most likely rich. Yonghee never thought he looked ugly as a kid, per se, but he’s always thought that he was pretty cute. People can just be so judgemental, no matter what age you are.

“You’re really hung up on this,” Seunghun says, laughing with amusement. “I’m kind of surprised. You don’t seem like someone who holds grudges.”

“I normally don’t!” Yonghee whines, throwing himself face first into his bed. “It doesn’t even feel like a grudge. I mean, Jinyoung didn’t even do anything… he just—”

“He never noticed you,” Seunghun finishes for him. Yonghee can hear the smile in his voice. “But you always wanted him to. Since you haven’t seen him in a while, I think all that envy and want has just surfaced again.”

Seunghun is right, because he’s usually right about this stuff. Yonghee always enjoyed serious talks between the two of them. Seunghun was always able to help Yonghee see things in different perspectives, and he wasn’t rude about it, either. A lot like he is now.

“Maybe you should just fuck him and get it over it.”

…or maybe not.

“What the fuck, Seunghun-hyung?” Yonghee nearly screeches into the phone, pushing himself up fully. “Why the hell would I sleep with him?!”

“Sometimes you just gotta fuck things out,” Seunghun is cackling right into Yonghee’s ear, the fucker. Yonghee wishes he was here so he could punch him in the arm. Very, very hard. “I’m not sure how to help you more than I already am, Yonghee-yah. Maybe you just need to sit down and talk with him and not think about how you used to be in secondary and high school. Jinyoung-ssi is a different person than he used to be, right? Just like you.”

Yonghee deflates into his mattress, groaning loudly. He wishes his ex-boyfriend wasn’t so smart. With a sigh, Yonghee flops back down onto his bed and rolls over onto his side, letting his phone merely lie flat against the side of his head as he stares out at the wall of his room. “How are things with your new boyfriend, by the way? Byounggon-hyung, right?”

“Way to change the subject.” Seunghun comments, but he moves the conversation along without any hesitation. Yonghee doesn’t mind listening to Seunghun talk about his new relationship—it lets him get his mind off of Bae Jinyoung for a while, and Yonghee doesn’t feel anything but happiness for the two of them. He’s only envious that Seunghun is able to move on, while Yonghee has been thrust back into his childhood crush mindset.

At least Seunghun feels a little bad for him.

Surprisingly, despite how much of an extrovert Yonghee is, parties aren’t particularly his scene. Not unless they’re a party that includes people that Yonghee actually knows and is friends with. College parties are something he’s never really felt a particular need or want to go to—even watching them in movies makes Yonghee wonder why people go to them in the first place. They always seem to end in disaster, either way.

Yonghee is surrounded by already tipsy and drunk people, doing his best to not let himself get pushed over and jostled around too much. His breath hitches a little as his elbow is grabbed, someone suddenly tugging him away from the mess of bodies surrounding him. Yonghee breathes out with relief as he ends up on the outside of the main crowd, finally able to smell air that’s not just peoples’ sweat and the intense scent of alcohol.

“Thank you.” Yonghee thanks whoever it is that pulled him out, without even looking up at them.

“You’re welcome,” they say, and Yonghee nearly freezes up on the spot. Jinyoung offers him a soft smile when Yonghee looks up at him, and Yonghee resists the strong urge to frown at him in response. “You looked like you were going to faint if you were in there any longer.”

“It felt like it,” Yonghee mumbles, glancing over his shoulder back at the crowd of people. He shakes his head a little before he turns to look at Jinyoung again. “Um, thanks again. You didn’t have to do that.”

Jinyoung shrugs, a strange sort of look on his face. “I mostly did it to be selfish. I wanted to talk to you.”

Yonghee hates his heart for skipping a beat. Can it learn to get under control already? He stands up a bit straighter then as he wipes his hands off against the front of his pants. “Well. Talk, I guess.”

Jinyoung almost looks startled, like he didn’t expect Yonghee to actually take him up on the offer. And, well, Yonghee can’t blame him. He’s been avoiding him as much as he can for the past two and a half months. He’d probably feel the same way if he were in Jinyoung’s shoes.

He takes a moment to glance around them, before he reaches out and gently wraps his fingers around Yonghee’s wrist, starting to tug him off in some random direction. Yonghee lets himself be led away, doing his best to fight off the blush that’s rising to his cheeks. Jinyoung’s touch is so warm, his fingers are soft—Yonghee wants them to actually be holding hands.

Yonghee shakes his head a little as Jinyoung stops them in the hallway upstairs, right outside of someone’s room. Yonghee doesn’t even know where they’re at in this place right now; it’s some frat house that Yonghee’s never so much as stepped a foot in before, so he’s really out of his element right now. He wonders if Jinyoung knows where he’s going or if he’s just taking guesses as to where they can go for a quieter area.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Jinyoung says, reaching up and tugging at a small lock of hair by his ear. Yonghee watches him, leaning himself back against the hallway wall. Jinyoung leans against it next to him, glancing towards him. “Did I do something?”

Yonghee blinks, suddenly stiffening in place. “What?”

Jinyoung frowns to himself then, turning to look away. “I just mean—you’re always skittish around me. And we don’t talk a lot unless our professor basically forces us to talk. So I—I don’t know. I thought maybe I did something to you.”

Yes. No. Well, kind of, but it wasn’t really you, but it was you at the same time. You know?

Yonghee wouldn’t be able to say that to him. It wouldn’t make any sense. Maybe Seunghun is right—maybe they just need to fuck this out or whatever. No, that’d be too inappropriate and Yonghee would feel like he’s taking advantage of Jinyoung, just to be able to take care of his own internal problems. Yonghee purses his lips as he thinks, trying to come up with the best response.

Well. There’s no time like the present, right?

“I used to have a crush on you.” Yonghee says slowly, closing his eyes. He’s not sure if he can look at Jinyoung’s face right now.

“You… what?” Jinyoung sounds surprised, almost like he can’t believe the words coming from Yonghee’s mouth.

Yonghee nods then, just as slow, and tries to keep his composure. “Through all of secondary and high school. I had—such a big crush on you, it was ridiculous. And probably pathetic. I…” He breathes in, opening his eyes just enough to spare a glance in Jinyoung’s direction. “I tried everything to try and get closer to you, because I wanted to be your friend before I wanted to confess to you. But no matter how hard I tried, it’s like you never knew I even existed.”

Maybe he should try to keep his tone calmer. Jinyoung winces at the last word, lips turning down, and Yonghee feels bad. He sighs softly as he runs a hand through his hair, lowering his head a bit. “I guess I really gave up on it after a while. I never bothered trying to reach out after high school ended because—well, because I had met my then-boyfriend at the time, and I had forgotten all about it. But now we’re here.”

Yonghee lifts his head, letting it knock gently against the wall. It’s quiet between them, the only noise coming from the music and the shouts of the people in the party down below. And some of the people who are in the rooms on the same floor as them.

Tentative, Jinyoung finally speaks after a minute or so. “Does ‘here’ mean that you still have a crush on me?”

Yonghee wants to say no. Should say no, probably. But denying it will only make it worse. Slowly, carefully, Yonghee nods. “Honestly, I don’t think I stopped. Even when I was together with my ex.”

Jinyoung looks at him, a somewhat pained look on his face. “I—”

“Please don’t apologize,” Yonghee quickly says, pushing himself up from the wall, turning to look at Jinyoung. “It didn’t actually hinder our relationship like that or anything. This will sound mean, but you really weren’t that big of a deal when we were going out.”

“It doesn’t sound mean,” Jinyoung says, shaking his head. “It’s more like a relief. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if I were the reason you and your ex broke up.”

Yonghee smiles, shaking his head as well. “No, you weren’t. We just ended up wanting very different lives, in the end, so it was a mutual thing. He’s got a new boyfriend now, actually.”

There’s a moment of quiet, before Jinyoung speaks again. “And you?”

Yonghee blinks, eyebrows furrowing some. “What about me?”

Jinyoung looks up at him. He looks shy, and Yonghee—despite how dark it really is up here—can see the pink coming to his cheeks. Bae Jinyoung is blushing. Oh, he’s cute. He’s too cute for Yonghee. “Do you have a new boyfriend?”

A startled and strangled laugh leaves Yonghee then. He waves a hand as he shakes his head again, feeling his own cheeks flush. Of course Jinyoung would ask something like that, at a time like this, during a conversation that calls for it. Yonghee had just been hoping that Jinyoung wouldn’t ask. No such luck, huh.

“No,” Yonghee says. “There’s no one new. I’m…” He pauses, worrying at his lower lip. He’s already confessed once—he might as well make it count for something, right? “I don’t know if it’s obvious or not, but that crush of mine is still here.” Yonghee pats his chest, sighing as he does.

“So you like me?” Jinyoung asks. He looks all too eager for Yonghee to answer him, trying to keep himself from smiling. Yonghee can see his lips twitching.

“I’m going to walk out of this house if you make me say anything else.” Yonghee threatens, pointing a finger directly at Jinyoung’s chest. His ears are burning and his cheeks are so warm.

“But I want to hear you say it.” Jinyoung says, stepping forward now. He reaches out and grabs Yonghee’s wrist, the same way he did before, but this time, his grip is a bit harder. Like he’s not going to let Yonghee go.

Yonghee’s face becomes even hotter. He swallows, pursing his lips as he glances away from Jinyoung’s pleading eyes. “Fine. Whatever.” Yonghee sucks in a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “I like you, Bae Jinyoung. Are you happy now?”

There’s no answer from the other man. Yonghee frowns to himself as he slowly opens his eyes—only to gasp and stumble backwards when he sees that Jinyoung’s face is right in front of his own. Jinyoung reaches out to steady him, his free hand pressing against Yonghee’s lower back as his other hand still grips onto Yonghee’s wrist. Jinyoung’s eyes sparkle brightly. There’s a playful smile on his face, his cheeks tinted pink. God, he’s so fucking pretty.

“Can I kiss you?” Jinyoung murmurs, looking up at Yonghee. His eyes are big and wide. He almost looks like a puppy right now, and if Yonghee says no, he will absolutely end up looking like a kicked puppy. Fuck.

Yonghee doesn’t answer. His mouth twists around with a few different emotions, before he settles on what he wants to do. Yonghee is as careful as he can be as he reaches up and fists the front of Jinyoung’s shirt in his hand, pulling the other man in as he kisses him.

It’s hard and clumsy and uncoordinated, their noses and teeth bumping together. Yonghee winces a little from the impact, and Jinyoung makes a startled noise. However, neither of them pulls away. Instead, Jinyoung lets go of Yonghee’s wrist and pushes his hand up, cupping Yonghee’s cheek in his palm and adjusting the angle before he presses back into the kiss. It’s now Yonghee’s turn to make a noise of surprise, eyes going wide before he squeezes them shut a moment later.

Jinyoung kisses better than Yonghee’s ever imagined. (And, sadly, Yonghee’s imagined this a lot. Pathetically so.) His lips are softer than he’d been expecting, but not intensely so. He can feel the slight chapping of them, the way he moves them with ease against his own. He’s slow and careful, like if he does anything more it will startle Yonghee away from him. Yonghee breathes out through his nose as he lets go of Jinyoung’s shirt, slowly sliding his hand up until it comes to rest against the side of his neck, just under his ear, his thumb stroking along the skin under it gently.

Jinyoung sighs quietly into the kiss, his tongue just barely licking across the front of Yonghee’s lips before he’s pulling away. Yonghee can’t help himself—he immediately dives right back in, stepping in closer to Jinyoung’s space. They go tumbling backwards like that, until Jinyoung’s back is against the wall and Yonghee is pressing into his front, kissing him deeper this time.

Yonghee really feels like a giddy teenager right now, making out with the guy he’s had a crush on for years while there’s a crowd of people he doesn’t even know just downstairs. People who could easily wake up the stairs they’re near and see them kissing and—well, honestly, Yonghee doesn’t even care. He’s kissing Bae Jinyoung—the rest of the world can go on pause for now.

They’re both out of breath by the time Yonghee stops kissing him, panting heavily as Yonghee rests his forehead against Jinyoung’s. Jinyoung’s hands have found their way into his hair, fingers tangled in it, pulling just slightly at the strands. Jinyoung looks up at him through his lashes, and Yonghee can’t help but be in awe.

Jinyoung is really so pretty. Beautiful. He is a walking dream, wet or not, and Yonghee is the one who gets him right now.

Jinyoung licks his already wet lips, peering up into Yonghee’s eyes now. “Can we go on a date tomorrow?”

Yonghee swallows loudly, nodding a bit quickly. “Um. Yeah—yeah, we can definitely do that.”

“Cool.” Jinyoung lets out a hum, smiling brightly, before he reaches out to grab Yonghee’s shirt collar and pull him into another kiss.

Bae Jinyoung is going to be the death of Kim Yonghee for sure.