Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Joanne awoke, calmness washing over her moments before her eyes opened. She’d been at work, hadn’t she? How was she laying down now? What was going on?

The roof was white, a light coming from her left, blinding her a bit.

“Hey, Jo,” a soft voice said.

Her head snapped over to where it had come from.

A man sat there, a bit of a goatee going on, his poofy hair styled as though he’d just gotten out of bed. His glasses frames were black and thick, matching his black suit. He stood as she started to sit up.

“Who are you?” Jo paused, eyes darting around the room. “Where am I?”

“It’s ok. You’re safe,” he said, starting to walk over. “My name is Tony Stark. I won’t hurt you.”

“Stark… like the movies?”

Tony gave her a small smile, and said, “Yeah. Something like that.”

There was an itch in her mind, something not feeling right, something she should be remembering… but the thought, the memory, it wasn’t quite there.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jo replied, part of her not believing her words.

“Likewise,” Tony said, before helping her to sit up. “We just need to do some tests, then I’ve got some people who would like to meet you.”

Jo forced a smile on her face, hoping he wasn’t seeing her reluctance, her unease.

“Ok, sounds good,” she lied.

All Jo needed was a moment, a couple of minutes to get her wits about her, let the thoughts form. But for now, she pretended to trust this stranger, smiling at his jokes, and letting him check her reflexes.

A group of people stood outside of the room. As I stepped out, a wave of thoughts hit me. The Avengers. Tony. Natasha. Steve. A man stepped out from towards the back, a guilty smile on his face – Scott. Every memory, every thought, slapped me.

I blinked a couple of times, and Tony gestured to the group.

“Jo, this is everyone. Everyone, Jo.”

Natasha stepped forward, wrapping her arms around my torso, squeezing me like a snake.

“It’s so great to meet you,” she lied, before pulling away to look at me. “We’re gonna be great friends, I’m sure.”

‘Oh, this lying bitch,’ I thought, before sliding on the most innocent grin I could muster.

“Great to meet you, too.”

Tony had tried to erase my memory, bring me back as if nothing had happened.

‘He’s made a mistake,’ I thought. ‘And they’re all going to pay.’

Chapter Text

Natasha pulled away from me, a sickly sweet smile on her face, as Tony draped an arm across my shoulders. I glanced up at him. He smiled down.

“Can’t stay too long, I’ve got some things to discuss with you,” Tony said, before looking over at his friends. “I’ll do proper introductions later.”

Tony guided me away, heading towards the elevator, and then took his arm off of me. His hand was in his pocket, fidgeting with something. He pressed a button once we entered. The first time he woke me up and took my somewhere, he left me there overnight, so this was definitely going to be interesting.

Tony glanced over at me, throwing a small smile and a quick wink as he waited for his level. I couldn’t wait to see him suffer. But how was I going to make that work…?

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked.

He looked over at me, and shook his head a little.

“Not here,” he said, before pausing. “There’s a lot to discuss, and it’s important that I do this right.”

Was he actually going to treat me like a person? I couldn’t help the shock that jumped onto my face.

“What’s there to say?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t realise my memories were still in tact.

The lift open, and he stepped out.

“Let’s go to my office,” Tony answered, before staring to walk.

His pace was slow, waiting for me to be by his side. I tried to keep up with him as he walked down corridors. I’d never been here before, I didn’t even look at the number in the lift.

Then, he stopped, opening a door, gesturing me to enter first.

For a second I hesitated, before stepping in.

The room was a standard office-y room, beige walls and a table with a computer, a chair on either side. On the walls, pictures of people, and a book case full of thick textbooks. The room was bigger than I’d expected.

He closed the door behind him, making his way to the chair in front of the window. He sat down, and I looked at the chair in front of me, sinking down, my eyes on him.

“What do you know about Ultron?” he asked.

A laugh was so close to bursting through my lips, but I allowed myself a small smile.

“The psychotic robot from the movie?”

I expected the fury of last time, of the coldness, and the detachment, how he had used my response as a way to leave me in the cupboard for as long as he did without any human interaction.

Instead, he let out a laugh.

‘Do NOT look confused at his reaction,’ I told myself, forcing my smile to stay.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

I leaned back in the seat, trying to find the words from last time. “Seemed silly to create such a powerful robot in the first place, though, so much riding on hoping the coding was correct. And playing God like that?”

Tony cocked his head, considering my words, a smile playing on his lips.

“It was certainly a choice, wasn’t it? A lot of angry people.”

With a shrug, I laughed, “I’m sure all those poor fictional characters will get over it.”

He smiled, then a pause as he looked down at his desk. Was he suppressing his fury? Considering his next move?

“Everything that I need to tell you is all intertwined with each other,” Tony said, interlocking his fingers as he spoke to make the point. “There’s not an easy place to start, because it’s like a big ball of information.”

“Right…” I said, thinking, ‘Don’t forget that this is all new information. Everything he’s about to tell me I’ve never heard of before. A jaw drop is appropriate, no words necessary.’

“My name is Tony. Tony Stark.” A small frown on my lips. He continued. “The people you met earlier are the Avengers, and Ultron was very real.”

“What…?” I trailed off, furrowing my eyebrow, letting my jaw drop a fraction.

“I’m sorry, it’s all a lot to process.” He paused for a moment, looking me over, as I did my best to pretend this was completely new news. “I asked about Ultron, because I think it’s important to be upfront with you from the get go.”

Oh! Is he telling me everything?

I stared at him, and he added, “About six months ago, I started a new project. The idea was to create life, without the capability of Ultron, and pre-loaded with personality and morals and values. Which brings me to you…”

No, not everything.

“Me?”

Tony nodded, a sad look sliding onto his face.

“Your memories, they’re not real. It was just a program. The people you know and love, they’re not real. You might start to forget everything soon.” After a short pause, as he let the words sink in, he said, “Information you have about the real world might’ve been presented to you in movies. I can assure you that every single person in this building is safe, and I’ll introduce you to the Avengers properly soon.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes while I pretended to process his words. The last time I’d heard this, I was immediately left alone. What was an appropriate reaction?

After a while, Tony stood up and I looked up at him, hoping my shock had a tinge of sadness about it.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s been a lot to take in, I’m going to take you to your room so you can have some time to process.”

I stood, trying to maintain the look of processing, however the hell that looked, and followed him out and back to the lift. The lift moved, before bringing us to the level I was so familiar with.

There was a lot to think about with this ruse. I wanted to rush past him, go to my room and see if any of my stuff had been touched, but I had to play the long game. The longer I could pretend, the more revenge I could reap.

Everything was left as I had remembered, not a single trace of decorations, so it must be between holidays at the moment.

Tony walked past my door, almost as though he was heading down the corridor with the Avengers’ rooms, where the Guardians had stayed, and stopped at the first door on the left, the first one after my room.

The door opened.

Chapter Text

Tony gestured for me to enter. I hesitated, looking up at him. He smiled back, a short nod, reassuring.

It felt wrong. This wasn’t supposed to be for me.

Stepping in, my eyes wanted to look at everything; it was as big as the one Valkerie had been in.

The first thing I could see was the end of a bed, the view blocked by a wall. To my left was a door, probably an ensuite, and to my right a couple of seats and a coffee table.

“Wow,” I let out.

It was beautiful, the nicest room I’d ever been in, not counting the fake memories. And to think, it was right next to my room the whole time.

My heart sunk. Clearly, it hadn’t been an issue getting me in here, and yet –

And yet.

Fury started to bubble in my stomach, rising up my throat. My body burned with it, and I wanted to kill Tony with my bare hands.

And yet he’d left me to rot in that room, not fit for life.

“What do you think?” Tony asked, snapping me back to reality.

Looking over at him, I forced a smile, hoping the reluctance behind it would be chalked up to the “news” he’d delivered. He was looking down at me with a soft smile, as though he was concerned, as though there was care behind his eyes.

“It’s great. Thanks.”

He smiled, before glancing towards the bed, then back at me.

“There are some things for you here already. One of my friends, Scott, he wanted to make sure there was things here for you before you have a chance to go out.”

“Out?”

Tony nodded, a smile like he expected me to be thankful for dragging me into this hell hole.

“Yeah, you’ve gotta go shopping,” he said, draping an arm over my shoulders. “Nat’s offered to take you to get some things and make this home.”

“Oh. That sounds nice…” I looked around, trying to put on the perfect innocent, baby face. “I don’t have any money, though.”

Laughing, Tony squeezed my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll pay for whatever you need. At least, until you’re able to get a job.”

“Wow, thank you, that’s so generous!”

He doesn’t suspect a thing, and if he wants me to play baby, I’ll play baby until the time is right.

“Of course, I’ve got to look after you,” he lied said.

I gave him the sweetest grin, before saying, “I’d love to say thank you to Scott, if that’s ok?”

“Absolutely,” he replied, the smile on his face growing. “I’ll grab him for you. And I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? More to talk about.”

“Ok, thanks Tony.”

He nodded before heading out, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door closed, I went straight to the bedroom. The far wall was a window, a heavy curtain in front of it. The bed was a king, plenty of space to spread out, and against the privacy wall was a wardrobe.

At the bottom, there were several draws. I opened each up, searching for my notebook and phone amongst the socks and undies.

Life would be easier if Scott had been the one to deal with my things, had found them and decided to keep my actual belongings safe.

My memories were going to fade fast, and I needed to start writing them down as soon as possible.

When I opened the main doors to rifle around, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” I called out, closing the wardrobe and straightening up, just in case.

The door opened, then, “Jo?” Scott asked.

Standing up, I walked over, moving into his line of sight.

“Hey, you must be Scott.”

Scott closed the door and took a step forwards.

“Yeah, I am,” he said, that guilty smile resting on his face. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I walked over, ignoring how he bristled as I approached, and pulled him into an uncomfortable hug. He raised his hands and patted my back.

“Is this a safe place to talk?” I whispered.

“Huh?”

A quick eye-roll, then, “Are we being listened to?”

“No, the rooms are private.”

I pulled away, although still holding onto him.

Still whispering, I said, “There’s so much to tell you.”

Recoiling, Scott’s jaw dropped.

“Wait, wha –”

I cut him off with, “Shh! Get away from the door.”

Scott put his hand on my upper back, pushing me towards the window.

“Do you still have your memories?” he whispered.

“Yes. I didn’t at first, but as soon as I saw everyone, it all came back.” His eyebrows raised. “Tony doesn’t know – he can’t know.”

“No, you’re right. Shit.” Scott ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re in a very dangerous situation…”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

Scott sighed. “There was a meeting after you punched Tony. Everyone was freaking out and wanted you gone. I said that if they’d treated you better, then you wouldn’t have, and Bruce suggested wiping your memories to explore nature versus nurture, or something. It was a big deal, they voted on what to do, wipe your memories or destroy you completely. I didn’t know what the outcome was until this morning.”

“Nature nurture? This wasn’t an accident?” I asked, before moving to sit down on the bed.

It was like a marshmallow and I sunk into the softness. Scott sank beside me.

“God no! Someone might’ve suggested that the Guardians would’ve taken you, but Bruce said if Tony wiped your memories and everyone was nice, it would be revolutionary.”

I clenched my jaw, thinking about how the last time I’d seen Tony, he was making me promises he knew he’d never intend to keep – that he knew he’d never have to keep. An apartment, ability to get a job, to have freedom.

The last thing he’d said was he’d promise to do his best.

The rage was back, as I mulled over his final words. His best. His goddamn best. And he fucking failed.

“How’d you find out about… this?”

“Tony asked me to move the things from your room, said you were back,” he frowned, before walking over to the wardrobe, pulling out the stack of notebooks, handing them over. “I found a tablet, and I didn't know what the deal was, so I've got it at home, I'll bring it next time. Anyway, Bruce debriefed us before Tony went in to wake you up. He said we had to go along with whatever you were saying, really keep on the positivity train.” Scott rolled his eyes. “Basically, no-one’s going to say no to you, or say anything negative.”

I let out a small laugh. “Perfect.”

Looking down at me, Scott frowned. “Hm?”

“I’ve just had the best idea. But I’ll need your help.”

“Look, the last few years have been rough on me, I really can’t afford to get caught up in a murder spree,” he said, and I laughed, watching his lip curl.

Shaking my head, I said, “That would be my preference, but fortunately for them, I don’t have the capacity to be this evil villain. I’m not tech savvy, nor science smart, and probably I still don’t technically exist, so I can’t murder everyone. But you might be betraying your friends a bit.”

“As long as we’re not hurting them.”

I paused, considering him for a second. “Not physically.”

After scoping out the room, Scott and I sat down in the sitting area, him scrolling on his phone, me writing plans.

When I was ready, Scott watched me as I read from my notebook.

“There are two very important factors – the first is that they have to work within the limit of the experiment, the second is that I have to as well, because if they think I’m a shitty person normally, there’s no reason to keep the experiment going,” I said. “At the moment, the plan involves targeting everyone as a collective, and also Tony, Nat and Steve specifically. If we play this well enough, I’d like to throw Bruce in the mix as well, if possible.”

“Love it, sounds good, what are you thinking?”

“For the collective, the worst thing for them is to have anything to do with me, because they can barely stand the sight of me. Burdening them with my presence, I’m going to be so annoying that I force them to snap. Almost like a kill them with kindness, sort of thing. For the time being, this will just be keeping with the group as much as possible, overhearing conversations and inviting myself to things, stuff like that.”

Scott nodded. “What have you got for Tony, Nat and Steve?”

“Tony hated being reminded in any capacity that I’m associated with him. He was very heavy handed on the “looking after” me crap, so leaning into a parental figure, sort of thing. The first phase of this will probably be calling him dad in front of everyone, seeing his reaction, and going from there.” I looked at Steve’s name in my notebook. “For Steve, let me preface by saying I’m aware this is a really shitty thing to do in any other circumstances, but when I first met him, Steve seemed kinda interested in me, before immediate disgust. So, burdening him into a relationship – that’ll be “confiding” in Nat about how I’m feeling – and play that as a long game, bit hard to get. Then I’m going to be super annoying and really make him hate being with me, just see what I can get away with.” Scott’s face contorted at my last words, and I added, “Like, in a How to Lose a Guy sort of thing, calling at absurd hours, clingy, that sort of thing.”

“Alright, that’s… better. And Nat?”

Laughing, I said, “She handed me the idea – best friends. Nat hates me, always glaring at me, and she dragged you away from me at that party. Basically the best friend version of Steve. There’s no way Nat will be able to keep it up.” There was silence for a few minutes. “Bruce… I haven’t met him yet. Any ideas?”

Scott paused, leaning back in his seat. “Maybe you lump him into the group for now until you get more of a gauge.”

“Love it,” I said, scrawling notes.

He paused, before asking, “You’re not planning on getting revenge on me, right?”

“Why would I do that?” I asked, scratching out some stray words from the page.

“Just, with what you said, about Nat. Wasn’t sure if maybe there were some hard feelings still there.”

Looking up at him, I kept a light smile on my face. “You did a lot for me. Before. And advocating for me when I couldn’t, when I didn’t even know there was advocating to be done. Although, I might have to use your guilt, if that’s ok. Just making it sound like you’re the one wanting to spend a lot of time with me, as opposed to actually being friends.” Scott gave me a small smile in return. Then, I closed the book, leaning forward. “But if you tell anyone about this, I will murder you.”

“You’ll have to catch me first,” he said, before seeing my smile fall, and quickly adding, “I won’t tell anyone. Promise.”

Promise.

Maybe I could kill Tony, wait until his guard’s down, sneak, kill him when he least expected, just like he’d tried to do to me.

‘After all,’ I thought, ‘I’d just be doing what my big brother failed to do.’

Chapter Text

Scott had spend a while with me. He ordered dinner, and he ate while I started preparing conversations.

Once Scott left, I sat on my bed, writing plans – how I’d break Nat, what would tug on Tony’s heart strings, when to introduce seeds to hook Steve in.

Hours passed, more than I had realised, because there was a knock at the door.

My notebook returned to my wardrobe, and I made over.

Tony stood on the other side, smiling.

“Hi,” I said, taken aback at his presence, by how light it was in the common area behind him.

“Morning, Jo.” Significantly more hours than I thought had passed. “Have you had breakfast yet?”

I plastered a smile on my face, pretending I hadn’t spent all night conspiring against him. “No, not yet.”

“Great! I’m taking you out. Get ready, and I’ll meet you out here.”

The lift doors opened, revealing the foyer. We stepped out, Tony guiding me towards the front door. I could feel my hands sweating. I was trekking into unknown territory, conversations I couldn’t prepare for.

Tony looked down at me, and I glanced up, shoving a smile on my face. He let out a small chuckle, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

“It’s alright,” he reassured me, before letting go to open the door for us. “This world isn’t much different to what you know. And I’ll be by your side for however long you’d like.”

“Ok. Thank you,” I replied, keeping close to him as we started to walk down the street. “Where are we going?”

“There’s a great cafe around the corner. If you like it, you can come around all the time.”

A flash of surprise jumped across my face, before the cautious smile returned.

“That sounds really nice.”

The cafe was cute, mostly pastel pinks with hanging plants. A waitress approached our table, smiling as she placed menus in front of us, and greeted Tony by name. They spoke for a minute before she retreated, leaving me with him.

“Come here often?” I asked, and he laughed, nodding.

“How’d you guess? They do great muffins and coffee.” He picked up a menu, sliding one towards me, and started to look it over. “What do you like?”

I took the menu, glancing at all the categories, the laminated page full on both sides . “Uh, not too sure… Scott got some food for us last night, and it was pretty alright. Just a pizza.”

Tony looked over his menu at me. “How’d you find him?” I frowned, confused. “You must’ve spent quite a while with him to have had dinner together. Did you enjoy his company?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Yes.” Tony kept looking at me, and I paused, trying to find the right words to plant the seeds. “He’s very friendly, definitely hoping to be someone close to me.”

“Except…?” he probed.

A part of me wanted to cheer that he was picking it up, cementing the plot.

“Ah, well, I appreciate that he’s really taken me under his wing, of course. He has major dad vibes. But… someone else, like Nat, is a more,” I paused, considering my next words. “A more obvious choice of close people?”

“I can ask him to give you some space, if you’d like,” Tony asked, mock-concern on his face.

“No. God, no. I wouldn’t want to upset him, Scott’s really lovely, I’m just looking forward to getting to know some more people.”

He nodded, then said, “Scott’s a good guy, a safe person. Well, all my friends are, but they’re also my friends. If you don’t like someone, any of them, that’s ok. You don’t have to want to be around everyone.”

“Thank you. I trust your judgement, I know you won’t bring me around unsafe people,” I lied, before adding, “and I do like Scott. He’s good company.”

Tony smiled, before looking over at the waitress and calling her over. Then, he looked over at me.

“Is it alright if I order for you?”

“That would be great.”

When the waitress arrived, he ordered brekky burgers for us, a coffee for himself and a hot chocolate for me.

As she left, he said, “Tell me about yourself.”

“Didn’t…. surely you didn’t just wing my personality?” I asked, hoping to get some more truth from him.

“Well, I had a vague idea of what sort of person I’d hoped you’d be, but I let the simulation run, give you memories I wasn’t involved in.” Tony paused, before a small laugh. “All that was really important was getting some information about this world through to you, and letting you be your own person.”

After the ihatetonystark.com situation, I couldn’t understand how he’d managed to just slide in, defuse the whole thing seamlessly, destroy my work with half a sentence, how everyone fell for his lies without wanting to fact check.

But the way he spoke, for almost a second, felt genuine. How could this man have destroyed me? If it wasn’t me, would I have believed it?

“My birthday is March 15^th, and I’m – was – 23. Uh, I like to colour in, and I was studying history while working as a bar tender.”

“What sort of history?”

I paused for a moment, questioning the motives of the probing questions. “Ancient British Empire.”

“Ancient?” I nodded. “Oh. I’m really sorry, I didn’t – I should’ve – the simulation was more or less set to run on it’s own, I didn’t really check what information was being fed in. The British Empire was more recent than ancient.”

“Huh.” My face dropped, just like my heart.

I don’t think I know anything. Would I ever be able to be a normal person, given a chance?

The sadness that had seeped into my bones from the last time I was here, I could feel it cooling my insides. I begged it not to pull me in.

‘Is revenge even worth it?’ I couldn’t help but wonder. ‘And Scott – can I really trust him?’ I leaned back in my seat as I thought. ‘If I tell Tony the truth, maybe he’ll just put me out of my misery.’

“Look,” Tony leaned forward, “this is a huge oversight on my behalf.” Understatement of the century. “I’ll sort out some education for you. Actually, tell you what, Steve just finished a big cultural learning session, and Bruce is a great teacher, real patient. Would you be ok if I ask him to teach you?”

‘Misery brought on by Tony, exasperated by his friends, prolonged by Bruce.’

A smile split my face, any and all thoughts of misery on the back burner, as more opportunities for revenge were handed to me.

I could’ve slapped Tony in joy!

Instead, I did my best to look relieved, as though my education was of the upmost importance.

“That would be incredible. Tony, you’re the best!”

He beamed, waving away my flattery.

It was only a moment later that the drinks arrived, the hot chocolate set in front of me.

Tony lifted his cup before pausing.

“You wanna try coffee?” he asked.

I let out a small laugh, still riding the high that only the glee of impending revenge could bring. “Sure.”

He placed the mug back on the saucer and slid it across the table.

The smell was familiar, one I’d smelt multiple times a day every day for around five years. I lifted it, bringing it to my mouth. In my peripheral, Tony was watching me. A small sip, tentative. It was hot on my tongue. I scrunched my nose, before taking another sip, a bit bigger. That was definitely the taste of coffee, bitter. Unfamiliar in this world.

“Thoughts?”

I put the cup down, sliding it back over.

“Hot.” Tony laughed. “But yeah, it’s pretty alright.”

After seeing Tony, Scott had dropped by. He dropped off the tablet, now with a screen protector and case, and a sim card for my phone, already linked to his name.

I set up my phone, and sent Scott a text. It was midday, and I lay on my bed, reading the last text from him.

Scott: I’m sure you know exactly what you’re doing, but that doesn’t really mean much to me.

Me: Tony didn’t program the information, right? Everything I know might be wrong, including but not limited to the alphabet, for example. I’m very good at pretending like I have no idea what’s going on. If I’m just really not picking anything up, Bruce’ll have to crack eventually.

Scott: He can be very patient.

Me: So can I

Scott: Haha alright so when does that start? I’d suggest making a list of what they know you know, because don’t forget about your blog, and trekking across the country.

Me: Shit, you’re right… Once Tony’s organised it hopefully not long but it’s all gotta work together

Scott: I was thinking of suggesting karaoke to the group as a way of team bonding. I’ll work with you to choose the perfect song to butcher, if you’d like.

I put my phone on my chest for a moment, a smile on my face. Scott was the best friend I’d ever had. And now he was plotting alongside me? Incredible.

Me: Amazing you’re doing the lords work.

Scott: Haha I’ll wait until you’re getting into music, suggest it as part of your “cultural learning”

I love him. How lucky I am to have my ally be someone so smart.

Me: Perfect! Thank you for thinking about this stuff.

Scott: Of course <3

Me: I’ve just had an idea. You won’t like it, but we don’t have to do it.

Scott: ?

Me: Maybe we’ve been conspiring together for longer than they thought. Like, you started a blog for me and wrote it for me because I couldn’t. And maybe when you saw me again, you wanted to see if I had any memories, if I wanted to seek revenge…

Scott: Oh. Tony wouldn’t let us spend time together anymore.

Me: I know. But if there was any suspicion, it would be removed from me.

There was silence for a few minutes. Perhaps Scott was angry. Would he betray me? The idea of Tony, or friends of Tony, barging into my room without warning, furious looks on their face chilled me.

“Scott wouldn’t hurt me,” I whispered to myself. “He has been advocating for me. He cares about me.”

As I worked on calming myself down, my phone dinged with a message.

Scott: Instead of wanting revenge, how about I just feel guilty that you can’t remember anything, want to make life easier for you, and it’s feeling overbearing. Tony wouldn’t completely separate us, but he’d also want to limit us seeing each other to not compromise the experiment.

As I went to reply, there was a knock at the door.

Me: Sounds good. Someone’s here. Talk later.

“Just a second,” I called out, before opening the dresser and stashing my phone in a shoe.

After getting up, and heading to the door, I paused, taking a deep breath, before putting on a small smile and opening the door.

Chapter Text

I opened the door, Nat standing on the other side, ready with a smile.

“Hey Jo,” she said, before pulling me into a hug.

I hugged her back. “Hi!”

When she pulled away, Nat took half a step back. “Tony told me he was starting to get you out of the building, and I thought you might like to go shopping.”

“Oh, yeah, sounds great, thank you.” I paused, and glanced over my shoulder. “Uh, I don’t have any money though…”

“That’s alright,” she said, before taking my hand, “I’ve got you.”

Nat walked into a store, me hot on her heels, passing hangers with ‘Clearance’ above them. There was a lot of people around, and I held my hand out, my finger tips ghosting Nat’s back, lest I lose her. As others passed me, I swiveled, attempting to avoid being touched.

Through the chaos, Nat ran her fingers over shirts as she passed, pulling out the hems of the dresses before dropping them, reaching her hands into pockets to judge the depth, before turning a corner, mazing through the people, and starting again.

Eventually, she paused, pulling out a skirt, and then looked at me.

“Found anything you like?”

“Uh,” I shrugged, “nothing caught my eye.”

She paused for a few moments, before looking at the skirt in her hand, and then pulled out a different style.

“You should try this on,” Nat said, holding the new skirt out to me.

I took it, glancing towards the change room. On one hand, I didn’t want to get lost, but on the other hand, if I did it might work in my favour.

“Alright, see you soon,” I said, before turning away and swamping through the sea of shoppers.

The mirror in the change room was like a jump scare – I hadn’t seen myself since I’d woken up, and I’d begun to forgot how dramatic the difference was.

After closing the door, I put the skirt on, and glanced at the mirror. The woman staring back at me looked good, the blue skirt suited her.

She may be a cold-hearted bitch, but Nat has good taste.

“Jo,” a voice called through the door, and I jumped.

As I started to unlock it, I plastered on a smile, face to face with Nat. “Hey, how’d you go?”

She held up clothes and said, “Very good. How’s the skirt looking?”

“Uh,” I paused, looking down at the skirt. “I’m not sure.”

“Well, do you like the length?”

I reached my fingertips to the hem, before trying to compare the end to my knees.

“Seems alright.”

Nat paused, then said, “Look in the mirror.”

“I am good, but thanks for the suggestion.”

I watched her eyes start to narrow, as she tried to figure me out.

“It wasn’t a suggestion.”

“Oh, my bad,” I said, not moving.

Silence.

“Are you going to look?”

“I can’t.”

“Sorry?” Nat’s face scrunched up, and she added, “What do you mean, you can’t?”

“Tony didn’t think about it, probably, but it’s not the same reflection. Mirrors remind me of what I don’t have anymore.”

Vague memories of my family arose, thinking about how I lost features handed down from generations, my personality and mannerisms the only proof that I had been loved.

“Alright.” There was silence for a moment, before Nat added, “How about you get changed, and we grab a coffee, have a chat about what you’ve gained?”

“Yeah, ok,” I said, willing the tears to disappear.

I closed and locked the door.

Nat wasn’t outside the change room when I got out. I glanced around, hoping to see her red hair above the swirling abyss of people, before making my way out. Stark Tower wasn’t far away, so either I’d find her, or head over there. And maybe spin a sob-story about how Nat had abandoned me…

As I stepped out onto the street, I looked to my right. She was there, a phone to her ear. She gave me a wave, speaking, and I made my way over.

By the time I got there, she’d hung up.

“Ready?”

“Sure,” I said, before she turned around and started to walk.

Most of the walk was silent. Occasionally, Nat would point out a building in the distance and tell me a bit about it.

She stopped outside the cafe Tony had taken me for breakfast.

We sat inside, this time towards the back, and a new server brought us a drinks menu.

I picked it up, skimming my eyes over the pictures, before putting it down.

“What are you getting?” Nat asked, eyes not leaving her menu.

“Uh… hot chocolate.”

She raised an eyebrow, then said, “We could do cocktails, if you wanted.”

“Ok, sure.”

Nat was already going to be reporting back to Tony, if that wasn’t him on the phone already, and anything said from here would be on the record. If I was going to annoy Bruce by pretending to be illiterate, this was ground work stuff that Tony would use as evidence.

“Anything popping out?”

I looked at the pictures, only one was a cocktail.

“That a Bloody Karen?” I asked, pointing at the photo.

“No,” she said, “Bloody Mary.”

“Ah. Well, maybe a Desert Storm?”

Nat paused, a frown, as she glanced over the menu, looking for a Desert Storm.

“It’s not on the menu… and I haven’t heard of it before,” she said, looking up at me.

I prayed, prayed to any deity that may listen to not let my next sentence sound forced.

“Oh. J-just something I’d sometimes make at work. Thought it might be a thing.”

With a small nod, she asked, “How about I pick something for you?"

Chapter Text

We were half-way through fruity cocktails, when Nat said, “I can relate to starting over, not feeling like you have support. But you do.”

“Yeah,” I said, pausing. “Tony’s been really good. And Scott’s nice.”

“And there’s still more friends you haven’t met yet,” she said, a small smile on her face.

I took another sip of my drink, before looking up at Nat. “Is there a reason I haven’t really seen anyone else? I mean, it’s only been a couple of days, but I’ve only really spoken to, like, three people.”

“No, not really. Some people are busy, some just want to give you some time to settle in,” Nat said, shrugging. “I had some time, and Tony asked if I’d spend some time with you, show you the ropes.”

“Oh. Ok. Tony mentioned Ultron, and I was worried there might be some…” I trailed off, not sure what to end the sentence with.

“No,” she lied. “We all know, have known for a while, any concerns have been alleviated.”

I wanted to call her out, flip the table and yell in her face, telling her I know everything, remember everything, but I attempted to maintain my composure, a small smile sliding on my face. I hoped she couldn’t read anything from me that I didn’t want her to know.

“That’s good to know,” I lied in return.

Once Nat had dropped me off, I was alone. It was nice, welcome, wanted.

First, I sat down, making notes from the conversations, noting anything that I’d “learnt” from Nat, just in case I need to keep my story straight.

Then, with nothing better to do, I decided to work on killing the Avengers with kindness. Everyone always likes food, and I had a bangin’ cookie recipe that hadn’t faded yet.

I flitted through the kitchen, finding each ingredient I needed – flour stashed in the pantry behind rice and an unlabelled blue substance, abundance of butter in the fridge beside the eggs. It wasn’t long before I was rolling out and placing dough onto a tray, sliding them into the oven, and sitting on a bench while they cooked.

They hadn’t long been on the cooling rack when a door opened down the corridor, and someone walked out. It was Clint, the first time I’d seen him since I’d woken up.

“Hi,” I said, smiling as he walked out of the corridor. “I’m Jo.”

“Hey, I’m Clint,” he said, barely a smile on his face, heading towards the elevator.

I looked down at the cookies, just about cool enough to eat. “Before you go, would you like a cookie?”

“Uh…” he looked over at them, then up at me, reluctance, suspicion, emanating from him.

“Come on,” I persuaded, they’re still warm.

He walked over, eyeing them off, and for a moment, I wished I’d made them terrible, like full of baking soda or something, or salt instead of sugar.

Clint picked one up, his eyes fitting to me again, before he took a bite. I watched him take a bite. And another, and another, until it was gone.

“Well?”

“Yeah,” he said, brushing his hands on his pants. “Good.”

“Just good?”

“I suppose, really good?”

My smile widened. “Do you want another?”

“Uh… ok.”

He picked another cookie up, his eyes not leaving mine, bite after bite.

“I’m glad you like it,” I said, deciding if I should tell him to take some with him. “They’re for everyone, so if you want more, you’re welcome to.”

Clint hesitantly reached out, taking another one. “Thanks.”

“No problem! I’ll make another batch soon, just for you.”

He forced a smile, then held up his cookie and said, “I’ll take this with me, for the road.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said, watching as he walked away.

“You too, Jo,” he called over his shoulder, before standing in front of the elevators in silence, the cookie still in his hand.

I was plating the cookies when Tony arrived, a smile on his face as he saw me.

“Hey, Jo,” he called out. “How was shopping?”

“Good. Eventful.”

He nodded, coming up beside me and looking down at the cookies. “Clint said these are great.”

I watched Tony pick one up and have a bite, before saying, “What’s going on?”

“Well, I spoke with Nat,” he said, mouth full, “and some things came up that I wanted to talk to you about. The first being, that I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.”

My hands started to sweat, as I wondered what he was going to say, what would be revealed.

“Oh?”

“I had started with inputting the right information,” he said, and I couldn’t help a frown. “The simulation was designed to be factual to the real world, completely, with the inclusion of the Avengers in some capacity. But there was a black-out during the time it was running, and it caused a major issue starting back up again, and I hadn’t realised it had also affected the simulation as well.”

Not quite the story I’d been told, as this version omitted how he’d attempted to create a specific personality for me, but whatever.

“Right. Yeah, I thought it must’ve been… something, not that you’d try to…” I trailed off, not sure if ‘be malicious’ or,‘intentionally ruin my life’ would be more appropriate.

“That wasn’t my intention,” he said, brushing his hands on his pants. “But it did also affect your physical image. I wasn’t trying to be malicious, or ruin your life, or anything.”

I felt myself pale, saying, “Sure,” before thinking, ‘Tony, if you can read my thoughts, say, Spaghetti.’

“All of that to say, I can’t imagine the effect it’s having on you, and I’d like to introduce you to someone, someone you can talk to about all of this.”

He didn’t say spaghetti, thank god, and I felt a smile slide onto my face.

“Alright, that sounds good. When?”

“Does now suit?”

Chapter Text

Holly frowned, writing in her notebook. Tony had brought me down a few levels, introduced me to this woman, then dipped, with a promise to be back soon. She’d led me into a small, warm room, let me pick a chair, then asked me some questions.

“When did this feeling, of cold in your bones, start?” she asked.

“I had a dream,” I began, “a couple of years ago, and when I woke up, I couldn’t shake the feeling. And I don’t remember much, but I remember that I worked on warming myself up again.”

She nodded, before looking away as she considered her next words.

“Do you remember the dream?”

For a moment, I wanted to confess everything, hear what she had to say to my most honest, truthful words. But she already knew Tony, personally, and I didn’t want my plans compromised.

“No. It was a very disorientating dream, because I woke up confused, without my memories, and without the dream. All that stuck was the heavy, coldness inside. I was so depressed – I felt unloved, unworthy, like I could jump off a bridge and no-one would care.”

“It must’ve been hard to suddenly have these feelings,” Holly said, a slight furrow in her eyebrows.

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t remember a lot of the actual aftermath, but I know that before I woke up here, I had gotten rid of it, I was better.”

“And how have you felt since being here?”

I paused – a complicated question with more information I wasn’t ready to disclose. “Different. There’s been moments of cold, here,” I said, touching my chest. “And the mirror, of course.”

“Mirror?” Tony mustn’t have filled her in.

“The woman in the mirror, she’s not me.”

“How so?” I watched as she shifted, wondering if this was going to be something big, bigger than it was. Had I chosen my words poorly?

“It’s a different woman to before. She’s someone I’d never seen before, and it’s very jarring. I see myself as being larger than this, with longer hair, a different face, slightly shorter. There are no scars or freckles; this body hasn’t lived. But that’s another thing I’d been dealing with, before.”

“What do you remember of before? Specifically?”

“Well, more recent than later. I remember the day before I came here, I’d seen my therapist, but her name and her face have already gone. We talked about how I was feeling, she asked me to tell her what part of my body I feel it, and she asked me about my reflection. I remember saying that it’s not something that’s an issue anymore, that I’ve realigned myself with the reflection. I don’t know.”

“When did that start?”

“Everything started after the dream,” I told her. “I’d never been to therapy before, took medication, kept a journal, worked on getting better, you know? And on one hand, I feel like being here has sent me backwards, but on the other, I almost feel as though I’ve already got the tools within me to move forward.”

“Do you feel you have the supports to use those tools?” Holly asked.

This was another question that made me pause. “Yes, and no. I know that you’re here if I need. And Tony’s almost like a father-figure for me.”

“And friends?”

“Well, I’ve only been here a short time, I’ve met like three people.”

“Do you feel like you get along?”

“Yes and no. Nat’s the only woman I’ve met. She’s… interesting. I think I worried her a bit too much today, talking about mirrors and everything. Scott… well, he seems to have his own agenda.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like he knows more than me and wants to keep it that way. I don’t know. I talk about spending time with Nat, he asks why, what we talk about, do I think she likes me, stuff like that, I guess. I mean, he’s nice, but he’s not going to be my best friend.”

“What sort of intentions do you think he has?” Holly asks.

I can see her confusion, intrigue.

“Only good. Tony said he set up my room, so he must be aware of what’s going on in a behind the scenes sort of aspect. I mentioned to Nat that Tony talked to me about Ultron, and compared me to him, and if that’s why I hadn’t really met anyone. And she said it’s not, but maybe it is, and Scott knows and is trying to look out for me while letting me make my own decisions.”

Holly paused, letting my words sink in. She was going to report back to Tony, I’m sure of it.

“There seems to be a lot for you to consider, all of the time.”

“I-I suppose there is.”

“Every interaction seems to be noted and calculated, deciding what’s appropriate, what’s important.”

My voice was soft, an acknowledgement for myself of the constant need to think. “Yeah.”

“How have you found this time together?”

I looked at her, the slight concern in her eyes. She’s got me clocked. “It doesn’t end.”

“Ever?”

“No.”

“What have you been considering here?”

“Well, you know Tony and he arranged this so quickly, so I’m sure, in some capacity, you’ll be reporting back to him, let him know how I’m actually going, how concerned he needs to be. If I say too much, then Tony might know more than I want him to know, and I don’t know how long I’ll be here, especially if he’s worried about me, and maybe I won’t see as many people, or he might decide to – I don’t know. I feel like my being here is an experiment, and I don’t want it to fail, for him to end it.”

Holly listened to me, before saying, “I won’t tell Tony anything you don’t want me to.”

“Maybe, but maybe you say something that I didn’t think to tell you not to say and it bites me. Like, today, I didn’t know Nat was going to be talking to Tony, so I just talked. If I knew I’d end up here, maybe I would’ve just told her the skirt looks nice.”

“It sounds like there’s a constant pressure for you to be ‘on’, to perform and always be ok.”

“I don’t think Tony thought much, and now I have to pick up the thought-slack.”

She leaned back in her chair, looking down at her notes.

Tony stood outside my door, having walked me back to my room.

“In a couple of days, I’m having a party,” he said, a smile on his face. “I throw great parties.”

“So I’ve heard,” I laughed.

“Should be a good way for you to meet some more people. Low stakes, free alcohol. What more could you want?”

‘You dead,’ I thought, nodding at his words. “Sounds great.” There was silence for a second, and I said, “I hope I didn’t worry Nat.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said, waving me off. “She just wants you to be ok.”

“I think I am. Well, more than she thinks I am. The talk with Holly was great, but I don’t know if I need to see her again.”

Tony nodded, a small smile on his lips. “She’s always there if you need. Just ask FRIDAY to make an appointment for you, whenever.”

“Thank you.”

He smiled, then pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at the time.

“I’ve gotta run, dinner plans, but I’ll see you again soon, alright?”

“Ok. Have fun.”

Tony threw me another quick smile, before heading to the lift.

Chapter Text

I sat in bed, watching Scott ransack through my wardrobe. In my hands, a notebook with scrawled ideas for tonight.

“Maybe sticking by Nat’s side for, like, the whole thing,” I started. “She seemed really uncomfortable the last time I saw her, so that could be a good start.”

“How about this?” Scott held up another outfit combination.

Scrunching my nose, I gave a shrug. He turned away.

“Tony’s coming to get me, so I’ll stay with him for a while, shy and timid if he introduces me to people, and then move to Nat when I have a chance.”

Scott turned to me, another outfit in hand, and said, “I think this is a winner. It’s a bit… fashion blind, youthful, an air of innocence.”

“Ok, great.” I glanced at my phone, Tony would be here in an hour. “I should start getting ready, I’ll see you there.”

Tony and I stood in the elevator, a smile planted on my face as he spoke.

“But I said the party had to be here,” he said. “You can leave at any time if you need to.”

“Thanks, Tony. Should be a good night, though.”

He beamed. “Absolutely! And Nat and Scott will be here tonight, free drinks – just have fun!”

The door opened, and he stepped out. I followed behind, taking in the room.

I’d never been on this floor before, but a common area was a common area – furniture pushed to the walls, a makeshift bar, fully stocked, and more people in one space than I’d care to see.

Nat and Scott, however, were nowhere to be seen.

Tony looked over at me, slowing down for me to catch up, a reassuring smile on his face.

Picking up the pace, I returned the smile, and returned to his side.

“I’ll introduce you to some people,” he said, before taking my hand and bringing me into the throng of people.

I glanced to my left, bored with the conversation I’d unwittingly gotten caught up in listening, and jumped, realising Nat stood by my side, drink in hand.

“Shit, how long have you been here?” I asked, calming myself down.

She shrugged. “Not long. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Well, an interruption would’ve been welcome,” I muttered, before moving to face her better. “How are you? Haven’t seen you for a bit.”

“I’m well, been busy, and it’s getting busier.”

“Oh?”

Nat waved it off, “Things get busier closer to Christmas, very typical October.”

“Anything you can talk about?”

With a small smile, she shot me a wink, then took a sip, glancing around the room.

“Bruce’s arrived,” she said, before starting to walk away.

Glancing at Tony, he was mid laugh, head thrown back, definitely didn’t need me to stay. I looked for Nat, following her through the crowd.

She had just pulled Bruce in for a hug as I stepped to her side. After letting go of each other, Bruce turned to me.

“Hi,” he said. “I don’t think we’ve met yet.”

He extended his hand, and I took it, a smile on my face.

“No, it’s nice to meet you.”

Nat let out a small sigh, and I pretended not to notice, as Bruce spoke.

“Not to talk shop right off the bat, but Tony reached out.” He paused for a second, glancing over at Nat, before continuing. “If you’re still interested, I’ll visit you on Tuesday.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” I said, smile on my face. “Thank you.”

“Jo,” Nat started, sickly sweet smile on her face, “you should get yourself a drink. We’ll wait for you here.”

“Uh, sure. Alright. Back soon.”

Stepping away, I looked for the bar, and made my way through. God, I hated Nat, not as much as Tony, but killing her would be just as satisfying.

The bar was packed, and as someone stepped away, another body shimmied into their place. I kept my eyes peeled, biding my time, like a tiger in a zoo waiting for a kid to get too close to the glass, I waited for my chance to pounce.

Someone moved, and I slid in, pressing myself against the bar, arms against strangers. And the second dance begun – getting the bartenders attention.

I followed the lead of the man next to me, attempting eye contact and raising my hand as they approached, but the staff seemed to avoid us.

He must’ve achieved eye contact, because a bartender arrived, taking his order. After bringing him his drink, they disappeared, ignoring my, ‘Excuse me!’

Another body replaced the man, an uncomfortable squeeze.

“Sorry,” the stranger said as he demanded space.

“All good,” I muttered, my eyes glued on the bartenders, continuing to miss my eye.

The stranger glanced around, before looking at me. I could feel his eyes.

“You been waiting long?”

I shrugged, made another attempt for attention, before letting out a sigh. Then, I looked up at him.

Steve.

“You seem familiar,” I said, and he let out a small laugh. I smiled, and said, “Sorry, I mean, hi, I’m Joanne.”

“Steve. It’s nice to meet you.” He said, before offering his hand. I took it, and as I did, he said, “You’ve seen me before, when you first arrived. I’m a friend of Tony’s.”

“Ah, ok. Well, lovely to meet you, properly.”

He let go of my hand. “Can I get you a drink?”

“That’d be great. If you can get a bartender.”

Steve let out another small laugh, a gentle smile on his face, before turning to face the staff. He gave a wave, and they seemed to all swamp in his direction.

“Scotch and cola for me, and for my friend…”

“Vodka cola, please.”

The bartenders dispersed, and Steve turned to face me again.

“Vodka a favourite?”

“Haven’t really tried enough drinks to have a favourite,” I said. “But then again, alcohol doesn’t seem to have a big effect on me.”

“Can relate,” Steve muttered, before the bartender returned, placing the drinks in front of him. “Thank you.”

He handed me my drink, and we stepped away from the bar.

“Thanks, Steve,” I said, smile on my face. “God knows how long I would’ve been stuck waiting.”

Smiling back, he said, “Any time.”

There was a hand on my back, and I turned to see Nat and Bruce behind me.

“See you’ve met Steve,” Nat said, bringing herself into the conversation. “Wondered why you took so long.”

“Oh, uh, well, the bartenders didn’t want to serve me…”

She raised an eyebrow, before draping an arm around my shoulders.

Nat stepped out of the elevator, and I followed, stepping into stride with her.

“Did you have fun?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said as we arrived at my door. “Nice to meet some more people.”

“Steve, you mean?”

Smile on my face, I said, “Well, not just Steve… but it was nice meeting him, too. He’s cute.”

“He seemed to enjoy your company.”

I let out a small laugh, looking away from her, then asking, “You think so?”

Nat smiled back, then said, “Have a good night, Jo.”

She started to walk away as I opened the door. Once in, I closed it, pressing my back to it, and smiling.

It was all coming together, just as I had hoped.

Seeds were planted for revenge for Steve and Bruce, and Nat had warmed up to me a bit more toward the end of the party. Most successful party to date.

Chapter Text

Tuesday came by before I knew it. I’d spend the days since the party writing down everything that I knew they knew about me, and things they couldn’t know for sure.

They knew I understood numbers and how money works, and I know months and how they work.

There was no definitive proof I could read or write in English, especially with Scott willing to take accountability for the website. Nat could corroborate that, given the situation with the cocktails.

I definitely didn’t know any history or pop culture, although there may be a slight pop culture overlap between the fake world and the real one – a potential for feeling like I recognize movies or tv shows.

At the very least, I could pretend to be right handed, know the alphabet, but not know modern English words.

And I held onto that, as Bruce escorted me into his office.

It was a relatively large room, same corridor as Tony’s office had been. The walls were lined with books, the window behind his desk the only book-free space of the wall. And the desk was littered with notebooks, open ones displaying scrawls and mathematical equations. Bruce sank in his his chair, gesturing for me to sit as well.

“I thought it might be worth getting an idea of what you know and want to know before we get into everything,” he said, smiling at me from the other side of his desk.

Fidgeting in my seat, I said, “Surely Tony told you about… what I was studying?”

“He did.” Silence for a moment, and then, “Are you interested in ancient civilisation, or the British empire? Or both?”

“Maybe, starting with an overview of everything. In order.” With a sigh, I added, “I just want to know what would be reasonable to expect someone my age to know. I’d be open to potentially going to a university one day.”

“Right. Well, from what I gather from you, it’s not about the ability to study, or the practical understanding, it’s the content you’re lacking. So we’d probably be looking at a 6 month crash course. And I can get you extra information if there’s an area that interests you.”

“Sounds good. Tony said you helped Steve out, as well. What did that look like?”

Bruce smiled and said, “That was mostly giving him DVDs, books, and explaining current society. Nat helped, of course.”

“Of course. So, what would… this look like?”

“Some of the same. I’ll give you some books and DVDs today, as a bit of homework, while I figure out next steps. As I said, about six months, mostly self-directed, and you can decide how much you want to learn about it. But this isn’t school, you don’t have to take exams or do essays.”

Bruce stood up, scoping a shelf, before plucking several books out, and held them out to me.

“Textbooks?” I asked, fumbling through the thick pile.

“Figured we’d start with dinosaurs, work our way through.”

“Right.” I flipped through the first book, not a picture to be found. And the second, and the third. “I can’t read these.”

“Which ones?”

With a small paused, I looked up through my lashes at him, as he stayed stood by my side.

“All of them.”

Bruce considered me for a moment, before sitting down again. He grabbed one of the notebooks, flipped to a blank page, and placed it in front of me, a pen following suit.

“Write something. Anything.”

I perched the pile of books on a spare piece of desk, and picked up the pen with my right hand. Feigning confidence, I wrote, ‘My name is Joanne,’ in ancient English, before sliding the book back to Bruce.

He looked at it, attempting to fi gure out the odd shapes , before looking up at me.

“I’m going to need some time to prepare, but I’ll get back to you soon, alright?”

After Bruce escorted me back to my room, I called Scott.

“Hey, Jo, what’s up?”

“I need your help.”

There was a shuffle on the other end, and then Scott asked, “Sure, what do you need?”

“I spoke with Bruce, told him I couldn’t read or write English. Expect a call from Tony.”

“Ah… makes sense, he’s calling me now.”

“Please help.”

“Of course. Don’t worry about it, I’ve got you. I wrote the blog posts, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem. Talk to you later, love ya.”

He hung up the phone, and I sat there for a moment, phone still raised to my ear.

There was several moments of me sitting there, Scotts words ringing in my ears.

Love ya.

Had I heard anyone tell me they love me?

Not with these ears, I’m sure.

A text came through not long later from Scott.

‘Tony’ll be monitoring my time with you from now on. Said he can’t trust my motivations,’ and a shrugging emoji.

T ony stood on the other side of the door, a smile on his face, a s tack of slim books in his hands.

I hadn’t expected to see him, nor the knock on the door. Initially, I thought it was Scott, and I opened the door beaming, trying not to let it falter when I saw Tony instead.

“Tony!” I exclaimed, attempting to hide my disappointment. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Fancy indeed. I’m here with you homework.”

“Oh?”

He shrugged, before stepping aside and gesturing for me to come out.

“I spoke with Bruce,” Tony started, as I moved out of my room and closed the door, “and he wanted me to pass some things along, start week one of twenty six of your crash-course. Come and sit at the bench and we’ll talk.”

We made our way over to the stools in the kitchen, and he put the pile down. Then, Tony pulled a pen out of his pocket and placed it in front of me.

I sat down, he sank beside me, and Tony slid the first book over to me.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a book for handwriting and letters.” He opened the book, flipping a couple of introduction pages to ‘A’. “Let’s get started.”

“You’re my teacher for this?”

“Yeah, just to get you set up, you can probably do this self-directed.” Tony paused, then added, “I’ll show you how to work the DVD player next.”

Chapter Text

The lead up to Halloween had included the common areas being decorated, a massive stack of scary and Halloween movies, tv shows and books for homework, and a flyer handed to me by Tony for a Halloween party.

“It might be a lot for you, and people often wear masks for this, so don’t feel like you have to come,” Tony had said, handing the orange page to me.

And now, the day of.

I’d spent the last six or so hours watching movies. Bruce had put sticky notes on each DVD with a little face to denote how scary it is. Starting low, I was going to work my way up, until it was too much.

The door to the elevator opened, and I glanced over, watching as Steve stepped out.

“Steve,” I called out, waving as he turned to face me.

Beaming, he made his way over. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“Homework,” I said, before pausing the movie. “What about you?”

“Coming to see you, actually. I thought maybe instead of going to the party, you might like some help with your homework.”

“Oh, that’d be great! It’s all Halloween anyway.”

“I’ll grab some snacks and join you,” Steve said, before heading over to the kitchen.

After restarting the movie, I started to plot. This was a great chance for a bit of flirting maybe, and get the ball rolling for the potential of Steve and I being a thing.

The party had been great for getting us together, but close proximity, without supervision, this could be great groundwork.

Steve returned, settling beside me, a reasonable distance away, placing the snacks between us. I started the movie, and watched.

Once we’d gone through the kids movies, we got onto thrillers – high tension, low scares – before starting to get into mildly scary content.

Steve stretched, then pulled out his phone.

“Oh, shit,” he said, and I paused the movie. “Sorry, I should go.”

“That’s alright, ‘m tired anyway,” I said, stretching my arms as though it’s something my body needed.

Steve stood up, grabbing the snacks and empty packages. “Thanks for letting me crash your homework.”

“Any time,” I smiled, turning off the tv and getting up.

Once Steve had left, I returned to the couch, continuing my Halloween education well into the night, and the next morning.

The door to the elevator opened, and I paused, looking over, worried I’d been caught for staying up all night.

Nat walked out, and glanced over at me, before stopping.

“Morning,” she said. “You must be enjoying your homework.”

She made her way over, perching on the edge of the couch, and looking at the movie.

“Yeah, Bruce picked some really good movies.”

“He’s got good taste.” Nat paused, then looked over at me. “Time for a coffee?”

“Of course, let me grab some shoes.”

I sat opposite Nat in the same cafe as last time, this time I should be able to read a menu, probably. After ordering, she folded her arms and looked at me.

“So,” she started. “Steve visited last night?”

I bit my lip, trying to hide the smile.

“Yeah, helped with my homework.”

Eyebrow raised, Nat said, “Movies, but sure. How’d it go?”

“He’s so nice. Quiet. I mean, we chatted between movies, mostly about what we watched, and he offered to give me a tour of the city when I was more settled.”

“Cute. Like a date?”

“Not in so many words,” I said, before the waitress arrived with our coffees. “Wouldn’t be opposed to it, I guess. But I barely know him.”

“That’s generally what dates are for,” she said.

Towards the end of the coffees, Nat sighed.

“Look, I wanted to let you know that I’m going away for a while. At this stage, I might be back in time for either the Christmas party or New Years.”

“When do you leave?” I asked, trying not to sound too excited for her to go.

Nat looked at her watch, and said, “About ten minutes.”

“Oh!” For a second, I paused, first wondering why she’d chose to spend the time with me. Then, I wondered if she was even telling the truth – 10 minutes before she left and she was having a coffee? Was she even actually leaving at all? “I thought you were going to say tomorrow, maybe.”

“I wish,” Nat said, smile on her face. “Here’s some advice for Steve before I go. Be yourself, but be bold.” Then, she glanced at her watch, before standing up. “I’ll see you at the end of the year.”

Chapter Text

A few days after seeing Nat, Tony came by to let me know it would be quiet for a while, getting into the holiday season, but that he would make sure I was looked after – getting Bruce to stock me with holiday movies and books. Christmas was drawing nearer, and I was looking forward to seeing Scott again.

Tony opened the door, and I stepped in.

“We’re still setting up,” he said, as I scanned across the room, dozens of people walking around with decorations, several with clipboards, shouting directions. My eyes flicked over to the Christmas tree, definitely smaller than last time. "But grab yourself a drink."

He opened his mouth to say something else, but caught sight of someone adjusting ornaments on the Christmas tree and rushed over, calling out and waving at someone with a clipboard. For a moment, I looked around the room. It seemed bigger than last Christmas, if possible, and I needed to find the bar.

Time had moved along, constant stream of homework, pretending I don’t understand what a dinosaur is, pronouncing every letter in pterodactyl, occasionally baking mediocre food.

On a far wall, a built in bar was being stocked by half a dozen people in hospitality black.

Someone stopped stocking to serve me, and, drink in hand, I slinked away, leaning against a wall. I watched as the staff moved around, occasionally glimpsing Tony in the chaos.

Someone walked through a door, and I looked over to see Scott. He spotted me and smiled. With a wave, he made his way over.

"Hey, Jo," he said, leaning against the wall beside me.

"Hey." I looked around. "Will Nat be here?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't she?"

I looked up at him. "She told me she was going away for a while."

"Nothing more than a weekend."

"Oh."

"Steve'll be here, though."

With a smile, I raised my glass to my lips. "Great."

“This is an important one,” Scott said, looking around the room. “Everyone’ll be on leave, and then there’s a smaller party for New Years. Really, one of the last parties until Valentine’s Day.”

“Ah.” I paused, then added, “I’ll have to ramp it up these next few times, then.”

I wanted to hang around the back, have a couple of drinks and just watch the party play out, but Scott’s words kept me scanning the room for someone I know, as people began flooding in.

Eventually, I found Bruce, deep conversation with Tony.

I flitted over, clutching my third drink, and beamed as I approached.

“Hey,” I said, sliding beside Tony.

The serious expressions faded as they saw me. A quick look between then, before I commanded attention again.

“Jo, hi.” Bruce said, a half smile on his face. “How is your homework going?”

I nodded, beaming as though Christmas was my favourite holiday. “Keeping me busy. I swear, I’m almost done everything!”

“Wow! I’ll have to find more to keep you tide over to February.”

“To February? I thought it was just December,” I asked, a small frown on my face.

Bruce waved me off. “Yeah, no things have changed. Top secret, but I'll be out of the city next month.”

“Oh. Ok. Seems like everyone’s busy.” Turning to Tony, I added, “You don’t have any leave coming up, right?”

“Well, I’m off until mid January, but you know I can never pass up a party,” he said, before quickly throwing in, “Besides, I gotta look after you.”

I smiled, pretending that wasn’t one of the most infantilizing thing he’s ever said to me.

“What can I say? I’m just a baby.”

Tony laughed, then opened his mouth to say something, before looking over at my shoulder and giving a small nod. I looked over as well, watching Nat approach.

“Happy Holidays,” she said, before smiling at me. “Good to see you, Jo.”

“You too! And welcome back.”

She nodded, then looked at Tony and Bruce. “Great to be back.”

It looked like Bruce bit his lip, suppressing a laugh at an inside joke I wasn’t supposed to know, and I couldn’t help the smile slipping onto my face.

Tony said something to Nat, and she started to ramble about something work related. I glanced around, wondering what Scott was doing, envious of whoever had him in conversation right now.

“Steve’s not here yet,” Nat said, and I turned to look at her. “Running late.”

“Oh, I wasn’t...”

Tony smiled, putting his arm around my shoulder. “You can like Steve, it’s ok,” he said, before taking a drink.

“You’re not worried about me dating, dad?”

There was a pause, Nat and Bruce looking at Tony, while I fumbled on the follow up, Tony’s hand beginning to pull from my shoulder.

“No – sorry – I... that didn’t sound as weird in my head. Sorry. I don’t remember anyone from… before, and you’re really the only person who I...”

“Son’t be sorry,” he said, squeezing my shoulder. “I suppose you’re right. I did create you, and I like to think I’m there for you.”

Tony pulled me into his side, a bit of a hug, and I looked up at him, trying to look like this was a really touching moment, a hint of awe.

Tony was mingling somewhere, Nat dragging Bruce for a dance, and I’d ended up at the bar.

The serves this time were a lot easier to get to, going down the bar as opposed to picking.

“Vodka cola, please,” I said.

“Make it two,” a voice behind me added, and I glanced over my shoulder.

Steve was towering over me, stepping away once he’d spoken.

“Hi,” I said, smiling up at him. “How long have you been here?”

“Not long,” he said, looking over my shoulder as the bartender returned.

He thanked them, taking his drink and stepping away, waiting for me.

The last time I’d seen Steve was last weekend. He’d stopped by with burgers for dinner, bringing some Christmas movies he enjoys, a few really old ones, and settled in with me for a couple of hours, before leaving the rest behind, and a promise to see me soon.

I stepped up beside him, and he led me to the side, away from the throng of people.

“Did you enjoy the movies?”

“Yes, thank you,” I said, smiling up at him. “You should stop by again some time.”

“I will.” Steve smiled back, and for a moment, I forgot this was revenge, a mutual distain. “I’ll try to see you before I go.”

“Ah. Another person with leave.” I took a sip of my drink and looked away. Glancing back at Steve, he looked confused, and I added, “Sorry. It’s just – everyone’s away or really busy. I know you all have your own lives. I’m not – I’ve never wanted to be – sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Steve said, reaching out to touch my arm. “The holidays can be a very lonely time. I’ll talk to Tony, see if we can sort something out.”

“You don’t have to, just forget I said anything. I don’t want to be a burden,” I lied.

“Joanne, you could never.”

The smile was back, the look on his face. It would be easy, so very easy, to forget it all, pretend the first time had never happened, that everyone was genuine.

But it did happened. The neglect. The abuse. And this ongoing manipulation.

“I appreciate you.”

Chapter Text

There was a knock on the door, and I frowned. It was early… too early… the sun had barely risen at this point.

I made my way over, planting a small smile on, as I opened the door. Tony stood there, a smile in return.

“Merry Christmas,” he said, arms open for a hug.

I forced a beam, and pulled myself into him. “Merry Christmas!”

“I brought you breakfast, and there’s presents to open.

After eating the bacon and egg roll and a coffee he’d brought over, Tony escorted me to the lounge room. Surrounding the TV, a pile of presents.

“Oh, wow! What’s this?”

Tony smiled, crossed his arms and shrugged. “Can’t have you celebrating Christmas without presents.”

“I feel so bad,” I said, looking up at him. “I didn’t get you anything.”

He laughed, and draped an arm over my shoulder, walking me towards the stack.

“Don’t feel bad, Jo. You’re still… working on getting ready for the outside world.”

I nodded, pretending like I agreed with anything that came out of his slimy mouth.

“...All for me?”

Tony nodded. As I sat on the ground, he moved to sit on the couch.

Clothes, movies, books, music – I was torn between gratitude, and wanting to shove it all down Tony’s throat. He helped me bring it into my room. Then, he looked at his watch.

“I’ve got to get going. I have a small Christmas tradition for myself, and I’d hate to be late.” Tony pulled me into another hug. Then, he paused and pulled something from his pocket. It was a small, wrapped box. “Last present. This is from Steve.”

“F-from Steve?” I reached out and took it.

There was a smirk on Tony’s face. “Yeah. Figured you’d… prefer to open that alone.”

He pulled me in for a final hug, kissing the top of my head, before letting go and heading to the lift.

I close the door, and stand there, looking at the little gift. Seeing all these wonderful things… I was conflicted. On one hand, this is easily the nicest thing they’d done for me yet. On the other… this was the nicest thing they’d done yet…

And a present from Steve?

I frowned down at the little package, and left it on the table with the other presents.

Scott was cross legged on my bed, while I propped myself up on pillows. He'd brought over dinner, something takeaway in big brown bag, and continued to apologise for eating even though I specifically didn't want anything.

Scott picked up another chip, wagging it as he said, "It's going to be a big one."

"I know. Tony was bragging about how New Year's always goes off." I paused, watching as he unwrapped a burger. "Party's are getting boring. There's only so much smiling and drinking I can do. Like, the Christmas one started some ground work, but it was still mostly uneventful."

"You definitely hit a spot with Tony, though. Look at all those presents!"

He gestured to the pile left on the table, everything crammed in a small mountain. Then, Scott paused.

"Looks like you've missed one."

I looked over, Steve's present still in its wrapping. "Oh. Yeah, that's from Steve. Allegedly. Tony brought it over for him."

"Steve?" Scott raised his eyebrows, then took a bite of the burger. Through a full mouth, he said, "You gonna open it?"

Grimacing, I said, "Probably should, but I don't want to deal with whatever it is right now."

"Hm. Anyway, Valentine's Day. Another big one."

"Yeah... I'm thinking of making it my crux of revenge against Steve, somehow."

"You'll have to ask him what he's wearing so you can match," Scott said, taking another bite. "Especially his mask."

"Mask?"

He nodded, still chewing. "Didn't you read the invitation?"

There was silence, or at least as much silence as there can be while Scott devours a burger and chips.

"I didn't get one."

"Probably delayed," he said, a small shrug, before continuing to eat.

"Maybe. Or maybe he's handed me a golden opportunity..."

"What are you thinking?"

I found myself with a drink in my hand, foraging for cheese from a large smorgasbord a far cry from the first batch of parties I attended.

As far as I was aware, Tony hadn't made any steps towards his promises, including identity, so he must've told the bartenders to let me drink.

It's New Year's Eve, and close to midnight.

Scott had come and gone, dropping a tape measure in my pocket, and I'd spoken with Nat, Bruce and Tony until they'd managed to shake me, schmoozing with important people.

As I picked a cheese cube, beside me a man said, "You should try the salami."

Steve.

I looked up, a smile on my face.

"Oh, hi!" I pulled him into a one- armed hug. "When did you get here? Cutting it close, aren't you?"

Smiling, he said, "Not long, I got tied up. Tony would kill me if I didn't make an appearance, and I wanted to see you."

"Me?" I ducked my head, trying to calm my grin.

Oh yeah, it's all coming together.

"I'm sorry I haven't seen you since the Christmas party. I was hoping to see you." After a small pause, he added, "Did you open my present?"

"Uh, not yet…"

Steve reached out, tucking hair behind my ear. “You’ll have to let me know what you think of it.”

“I… I will.”

We spoke about what I’d been up to since the Christmas party, all the movies I’d seen, and what he’d been doing – what little that wasn’t classified.

Soon, there was cheering, a countdown, and then, I was pulled into a kiss.

Chapter Text

After a few moments, Steve pulls back, although slightly. His eyes were on my lips, before flicking to mine.

“Happy New Year,” he says, another quick kiss to my lips.

Before I can say anything, someone approaches, and he’s whisked away.

I’d been keeping a list in a mix of English and Ancient English, just to fuck with Bruce a bit, of all the references and questions that came up during the break.

The first day of lessons went mostly like this:

Bruce: How did you find the break? Was there enough things for you to do?

Me: It was great, I got through it all. I swear I pulled a few all nighters haha. But I did have a few questions for you…

Bruce: Yeah, absolutely.

Me: *proceeds to present my giant list of questions*

Anyway, after a good few hours, Bruce eventually cracked. I could see it in his face, as he started to get a bit green around the edges. I really worked on playing up the dumb baby aspect, asking him, “But why?” and to further elaborate on every question.

When his blinking started becoming elongated, and the green was getting… greener, Bruce stopped.

“You know, Jo, given how far you’ve come and the free time you have… maybe it would be better if I just… gave you everything, and you talk with Tony whenever you have questions? You’ve just… come so far already, and I think there’s not much more I can teach you.”

I watched as he put some calming music on as I was leaving the meeting room.

I lay in bed, flicking through the mountain of books and movies Bruce had given me, as I was on the phone to Scott.

“Let’s call it a win,” I said.

He laughed. “You know, you’re lucky he didn’t lose control completely.”

“Yeah, I’m sure Tony would agree.” There’s silence for a moment. “So, that’s one of four done. And you really think this Valentine’s thing will work?”

“Absolutely. Have you got your measurements?”

“No… talk me through it?”

After helping me to take my measurements, Scott runs over the plan for Valentine’s Day again, and tells me he’ll start on his part now. The next stage from here is to start annoying Nat and Tony about Steve, asking questions, not shutting up, describing that New Year’s kiss a million and one times.

It’s not long until I can start the next phase of my plan. There’s a knock on my door.

Nat smiles from the other side of my door, a bottle of wine and a plastic bag in hand.

“Hey, I thought you might be interested in a girl’s night.”

A smile spreads across my face at her words. “Absolutely.”

God, I loved her timing.

She gestures for me to come into the communal area, placing the wine and the bag on the kitchen counter, and grabbing a few glasses for us.

“I bought Chinese, and a pack of cards.” Nat looks up at me. “You know many card games?”

“Uh… no, not really…”

Every single card game I’ve ever played flashes in my mind.

She smiles and shrugs. “All good. I’ve got a couple easy ones you might like.”

We eat Chinese. She tells me about her latest missions, keeping as classified as possible, throwing in the occasional, “… pretend I didn’t say that…”

As she tells me her stories, I’d ask about Steve, if he’d been on the mission, how things had gone.

It takes her a few stories, before asking, “So… you and Steve, huh?”

“Heh, uh, yeah… well, I don’t know, you know?”

She takes a sip of her wine. “Did I see you two kiss at that New Year’s party?”

I had thought there might have been eyes on us, and the confirmation was exactly what I needed.

“Yeah, yeah… he just… came up to me and kissed me.”

I recounted the story of him coming over, our conversation, then embellished a little about how he kissed me, what it felt like, cranking the drama to 11. And then confessing that I hadn’t opened his present yet, too nervous to see what he’d gotten me.

I could see something on Nat’s face. It was just a flash, but it looked a bit like how I looked at my younger sibling when they just weren’t seeing what was in front of they’re face… Tony definitely picked out this present, I was sure of it.

“Go get it, I’ll open it with you,” Nat said.

I leave to get the present, then return sitting opposite her. Unwrapping the paper, I did my best to try not to tear it, pretending like this was the most important thing, that the paper had to be preserved.

A jewellery box. Flat, little. A necklace?

I look up at Nat, her eyes alternate between my face and the box.

I open it.

A thin silver chain is looped into the cushion, the little silver pendant flat, staring at me. Nat’s eyes are on me as I look down at it.

A small shield.

“Oh. Wow.”

Nat lets out a small puff of air. “He must really like you.”

I look up at her. “You think?”

There’s a small smile on her face as she shrugs and says, “Never seen him give out jewellery with his shield on it before.”

There’s silence for a moment as I look back down at it. Then, Nat offered to put it on for me.

Chapter Text

The charm was cold against my skin, and I brought my fingers up, touching the cool metal.

“Looks great,” Nat said as she sat down opposite me.

After dinner, we play a card game. Soon, she gets ready to leave, bringing the Chinese rubbish and the wine bottle.

After giving me a hug and making her way to the elevator, I call out to Nat, “Hey, before you go…”

Nat turns to look at me.

“I know Tony loves to throw a party… is there anything planned for Valentine’s Day? That must be coming up soon…”

She pauses. “Oh. Uh… no, I don’t think so. Most of us are paired up already, and Tony has plans already. It’ll be a low-key one this year. But maybe next year.”

I spent the night reading some of the books Bruce had given me. Just to piss him off, I’d been using a pen and underlining some phrases and writing a ‘?’ in the margin.

There was a knock on the door. I paused for a moment, then looked at the time. It was about 8:30, later than I’d thought it was.

After opening the door, I was greeted by Tony, leaning on the frame, coffee in hand.

“Hey, Jo,” he said, handing me a cup. “Thought you might need a morning pick me up.”

“Thanks.”

Tony smiles and nods. “You know, Valentine’s Day is coming up… Scott reached out, asked if maybe you’d be interested in a movie night. I think his daughter will be there, too.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

Tony nods and winks. “I’ll get it sorted. Anyway, I’m on my way to a meting, but I wanted to drop you a coffee on my way.”

It wasn’t long after Tony left that there was another knock on the door. This was too many visitors in one day. But, I plastered on a smile and made my way to answer the door.

Steve was standing on the other side, a respectable distance away. My hand went up to my chest, touching the pendant.

His eyes flicked down, and as I removed my hand, saying, “Steve, hey,” there was a flicker of something… irritation?

“Hey, Jo. Do you have a quick minute?”

I smile. “Absolutely.”

Steve hesitates for a second, then says, “I was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me some time.”

“Like… a date?”

“Yeah. A date,” he said, a small smile on his face.

I watch as Steve’s eyes flick back down to my necklace, then back at me.

“Ok, yeah. Great. When?”

“Maybe… next Friday? I know it’s Valentine’s Day this week, but I’m so flat out…”

“Next Friday sounds great.”

Scott is really out here doing the Lord’s work. He used my measurements to get me a dress and bought a mask to match.

After picking me up, Scott took me to his.

He introduced me to Hope, and then the two of them got started on my hair and makeup. To keep up the illusion that I was going to stay at Scott’s the whole time, they gave me a verbal rundown of a couple of rom-coms, so we all had our story straight for Tony.

After getting dressed, shoes, mask and jewellery, I stood in front of the mirror.

“… Wow.”

I had a hard time recognising myself in the mirror as it was, but I looked like a new person. Scott stood beside me and smiled.

“They’re going to have no idea.” He draped an arm around my shoulders. “You look great.”

There was silence for a moment.

“Thank you. For your help.”

The room was up to the usual Tony standard. I’d arrived towards the tail end of arrivals, and everyone had already started mingling, getting into groups, drinks in hand.

I stepped in the room. This was the first time, the real first time, that I’d had anonymity, where I could talk to who I wanted, where I wanted, without any judgement, without worry about anyone ruining it for me.

For a moment, I was overwhelmed.

I walked through the throng of people, making my way to the bar. One or two people stopped me to say they liked my dress.

Soon, I was by the bar. The bartender was quick to serve me. As I was waiting, someone slid up beside me.

I looked over. Steve.

He smiled at me. “Hi.”

I smiled back. He has no idea who I am. “Hey.”

“I’m Steve,” he holds a hand out for me.

I pause for a second, then take it. “Rose.”

“Lovely name.”

“Thanks.”

I let go of his hand. The bartender returned with our drinks. We stepped away from the bar and he remained beside me.

“Friend of Tony’s?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, one of his friends from… a while ago.”

Steve nods and took a sip of his drink. “He always has an army of people to invite to his parties.”

“Mm. I was surprised to get an invite, in all honesty.”

Chapter Text

The evening continued, small talk, medium talk. I talk about a fictitious version of myself, the self I wanted to be before turning up here. Steve’s nice, open.

“So,” he said towards the end of our third drinks, “how have we not spoken before tonight?”

“Well, I was at some of the recent parties, but you seemed to have someone… around you.”

He pauses, then bristles. “Oh. Yeah. Uh, Jo.”

“Mm… you kissed her at New Year’s, right?”

Steve sighs. “You saw that?”

“Talk of the party.”

“Right… uh, yeah. I’m not.. dating her, or with her or anything.”

“Does she know that?”

There’s more silence as Steve considers his words. “It’s just… a favour for Tony. I mean, I’m… going to take her on a date, but she’s not – I mean, I’m not – I’m still single, you know?”

“Oh.”

I take another sip of my drink.

“I just mean that… it’s a temporary thing with her. Just a favour for Tony, and I mean it was only a kiss, and maybe it’ll be a dinner or two.”

Steve was getting more and more uncomfortable, fiddling with the edge of his glass, smile completely gone.

“Right… so… you be nice, take her on some dates, then break her heart, as a favour?”

“No, that’s not – ok, I see how it looks like that, but…”

“You don’t have to justify it to me, you’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

Steve lets out a small hum. There’s more silence for a moment.

“Look,” I start, “you seem like a really great guy, someone I’d like to… dance with at a party and not worry about who’s watching and how anyone else is feeling, and… that can’t happen while you’re doing this favour for Tony.”

“… So… say this doesn’t take too long…”

“Then I guess I’ll be talking to you at another party.”

Steve smiled, the first in a small while. “I hope so.”

The car took me back to Scott’s. He greeted me at the door, helped me take my makeup off, and showed me to the spare room. After getting changed, he showed me how to work the TV in the room, and showed me the movies we’d say we watched.

I spent the night in bed watching the movies and reflecting on how my revenge was going.

I’d really hoped that I’d managed to guilt Steve, or made him reflect on his behaviour. Doubt, but maybe having someone else judge him might give him that kick...

A couple of day pass with minimal interruptions, which is nice, because pretending to be nice to people I despise is taking a toll.

It’s been a day or two since Valentine’s Day, when I heard talking in the communal area, followed by laughing.

Then, there’s a knock on my door. I open it. Tony stands there, several people sitting in the communal area behind him.

“Jo, some of our friends are in town, I’d love for you to meet them, come on out.”

I look behind him properly and see the Guardian’s are back. They look up at me, mostly uncomfortable.

Introductions are done, and I sit down with the others to hear the stories. I interject occasionally with questions.

The night starts to thin out, and soon, I’m left with the Guardians.

“We should call it a night,” Quill says. “The jetlag really takes it out of you.”

I jump in with, “Well, before you do, my room has a great view of the city that you have to see.”

There’s a moment of hesitation and when someone tries to decline, I insist.

It’s not long before the Guardian’s are standing in my room with me.

Chapter Text

It’s awkward, tense as they walk in. The door closes, and Rocket goes, “Where’s the window?”

“You all have windows in your room, forget about it,” I said, and crossed my arms. “What the hell was all of that?!”

There’s silence for a moment, confusion on everyone’s face.

“What do you mean?” Quill asked.

“I mean, that I remember everything – everything – and I remember you lot saying Tony said I couldn’t come with you, but he told me that’s not what happened at all. So, what the hell?”

“You remember? Why didn’t you –” Valkerie started, but I cut her off.

“No-one knows.” I pause and look at the group. “You cannot tell anyone that I remember – especially Tony.”

There’s silence for a moment, then, “I am Groot.”

Rocket huffs, “Don’t say it like that…”

Rolling his eyes, Quill jumps in with, “Ok, look. We spoke with Nat. I floated the idea with her, and she said there was no way Tony would possibly agree. So.. we didn’t ask.”

“Oh. Great. Thanks.”

“You should just come with us this time,” Rocket said.

I sigh. “I can’t. I’m… everyone thinks I can’t remember, and… I’m using that to my advantage.”

We were conscious of the time, but sat down, as I outlined the revenge I’d taken so far, and what I was setting up.

Before they left, I ended with, “You all need to promise that you’ll never tell anyone that you know. And Tony has to think that you’re all a bit uncomfortable being near me, knowing that I don’t remember anything.”

Everyone agreed without hesitation.

Once they left my room, I stayed up, continuing to read.

I’d lost track of time, and there was a knock on the door.

Opening the door, Quill stood in front of me, the other Guardian’s moving around the kitchen.

“Morning, Jo,” Quill said, smile on his face. “Have you had breakfast yet?”

I pause as I look at him. “Uh, not yet, but… I’m still waking up… did you guys want to eat in my room?”

Everyone sat around with hot drinks and full plates.

The conversation was significantly less tense than yesterday. I explained everything that had happened, the first time, and since this new experiment. I told them Scott’s involvement, what I’d set up, what I’d done, and what I was expecting to happen, and how everyone had reacted so far. I omitted the parts where I was contemplating murdering Tony… that was a strictly need to know basis, that not even Scott needed to know.

After discussing everything, Rocket said, “What can we do to help? Because this sounds great.”

There was some (completely unhinged) suggestions made, and some discussion about little things that could be done along the way.

“Actually,” Valkerie said, as they started to pack up from breakfast, “Tony was talking about doing something while we’re here.”

Without missing a beat, I said, “Karaoke. Scott and I had discussed it a while ago. He was going to suggest it for team building, but I don’t think we decided to go along with it.”

“Yes!” Quill stood up. “Butcher a song, and make up a dance to go with it.”

“If you look so proud, there’s no way anyone can say anything mean,” Valkerie laughs.

The first step was to pick a song. Scott was called in for this as well. Our options were: something beloved that I would completely butcher, or butcher something everyone was subjected to in the first place. In the end, we picked one of each, and decided to see how we go with choreography.

Valkerie and Rocket kept up appearances while Quill and Groot taught me how to ruin dancing. Quill was going for bad moves, Groot was for helping with keeping it stilted.

Then, Valkerie and Rocket came up with work on memorising the lyrics, singing off-key as much as possible, missing the beat, and working on taking shallow breaths, timing them as inconveniently as possible.

It wasn’t long, a total of maybe 4 hours, and everything was perfect.

I spent the rest of the day tying not to think about it. We decided the more I didn’t practice, the better it would be. Quill was delighted to tell me that when he suggested Karaoke to Tony, he was over the moon, saying he’d arrange it.

There was a knock on my door in the late afternoon, Tony stood there, grin on his face.

“Hey, Jo! You heard about karaoke tonight?”

I smiled back. “Sure did.”

“Great! And you’re coming, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

Tony nodded, then started to tell me about how he’ll come and get me, because he’ll escort the Guardian’s there as well, and to be ready in about two hours.

Once he left, I started to get ready.

I sat on a large couch, squeezed between Tony and Nat. Tony’s arm was draped along the back of the couch.

Towards the end of the night, Tony looked at me.

“Are you going to have a turn?”

Nat looks over, giving me a small, reassuring smile.

“Yeah, actually… I’ve been listening to some music lately, and there’s one that really stood out to me.”

I stood up, making my way over to the machine. Scott got up as well, walking over to help me. He pretended to assist me with spelling the song name, and then, once we hit play, he sat down as I moved to centre stage.

As the song started, I gave Tony a nervous smile, before taking a final breath, and embarrassing myself.

Chapter Text

The first few beats of The B-52’s “Rock Lobster” starts to plan. As the group recognise the 6 minute 49 second song, faces started to fall.

The dance was clunky, the breath work was missing, the singing was off key – it was completely perfect!!!

As the song progressed, it was easy to see everyone get more and more annoyed – no, disgusted. No, infuriated.

Tony had a look on his face as though he was doing complex math, no doubt questioning all his life choices. Bruce started to get green around the edges. Steve grimaced and looked over at Tony. Nat started drinking straight from a bottle of vodka. The Guardians grinned as they watched my performance, clapping extra loud at the end.

Given how offended the Avengers looked at the end of the song, it was very easy to beam and look especially proud of myself.

I sat beside Tony. He gave me a tense smile.

“Good job,” he managed.

My smile widened. I did my best to avoid laughing.

“Thank you! You know, I did a lot of musical theater, before. I was classically trained!”

He nods, reluctantly. “You can really see your… passion.”

The Guardians and I returned to our floor and to our respected rooms. Valkerie threw an arm around my shoulder as we got out of the lift.

“When you went to the bathroom,” she started, “Nat gave Tony an earful about not giving you decent vocal cords.”

Rocket laughed. “There was an entire argument about it! And I almost managed to steal Stark’s watch…”

“I told you not to steal his tech, Rocket,” Quill grumbled.

Valkerie walked with my to my door. “Seriously, though, well done.”

“Thank you.” I smiled at her. It was genuine, significantly more than the one to Tony.

The date with Steve was getting closer and closer. Of course, I took the opportunity to annoy Nat even further, suggesting a shopping trip to prepare.

Thinking to my success with Bruce, I made an internal list of all the things I wanted to ask about Steve.

Most of the shopping trip was me picking something up and asking, “Do you think Steve would like this?” and Nat making a non-committal response or, “Maybe, but I don’t think it’d suit you…”

By the end of the afternoon, I could see how much my company was wearing on Nat.

“Should we grab a drink or something, to end the day?” I asked.

She bit back the immediate decline, and instead tried to play it cool, checking her phone, before saying, “Ah, shoot, no I can’t. I’ve got a meeting with Bruce in half an hour.”

“Fair enough.” I pause for a moment as she starts to take me back. “Would you come over before the date and help me get ready? I mean… I don’t have any makeup or anything like that.”

Nat forced a tense smile. “Yeah, absolutely.”

At 6:30pm on Friday night, I sat in a restaurant, smiling at Steve.

I’d decided to wear “his” present tonight, hoping it might annoy him. His eyes continued to flit down to it, especially when I’d reach up to touch it.

The conversation was awkward, uncomfortable, with a lot of questions met with, “I’m sorry, but it’s classified, I can’t talk about that…”

Steve was clearly having a hard time engaging with my life. He’d ask a question, then get flustered and backpedal, trying to distinguish between real life and my simulation life.

We managed to find some common ground on music and movies, and things became easier once I’d told him about the stack of resources Bruce had dumped on me.

The waiter came around after we’d finished, asking if we’d like to see the dessert menu.

Steve opened his mouth, but I jumped in first.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

He gave the waiter a small smile, before turning back to me.

“You gave a great performance at the karaoke night the other day,” he springs on me.

I smile, thinking back to the chaos and the despair on Steve’s face.

“Thank you!”

“I have to ask, though… you and Valkerie… you seem close?”

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

“Oh, uh…” I hesitate a second, “I mean, it’s always nice to make friends, and Nat’s really my only girl friend.” I pause for another second, then smile. “I don’t really know a lot of people, you know? Just, uh, you… Bruce… Tony… Nat… Clint, I guess, I’ve seen him a few times… Scott, of course… So, uh, it’s nice to be able to branch out a bit more.”

Steve nods, then looks at his drink for a second. “Can I ask… and not to sound… you know I care about you, of course, but… what do you think your future looks like? Given.”

Christ, he’s really just hurling the big guns at me tonight.

“Honestly… I don’t really know. When I think about where I’d like to go, who I’d like to be, I don’t really see how I can get there. I’m very reliant on Tony and what he can offer me. As far as I know, technically, I don’t exist, so I can’t just… get a job, or a passport, or… learn to drive a car.” I pause, reflecting on my own words. Steve frowns slightly. “The world isn’t my oyster, like anyone else my age. I can have dreams of an ideal world, of what a potential future could look like, but… is it worth the effort to dream when there’s nothing concrete to lay the foundations on?”

The waiter returns with the dessert menu.

Chapter Text

After ordering dessert, Steve leans back in his seat to look at me.

“Tell me, then, in an ideal world, what would you want?”

God, go big or go home, hey?

I consider his question for a moment, before saying, “I want to be happy, to have agency and independence, to make my own decisions, and be proud of who I am.”

There’s a flicker of something on his face at my final words. Perhaps reflecting on what my alter-ego said at Valentine’s Day.

He forces a small smile. “You deserve that, you know?”

“Yeah, I… honestly, it’s hard to know what I deserve, who I am… but I’m so grateful for all the support from Tony, Bruce, Nat… you.”

For a moment, guilt passed over his face. “It’s great you’ve got that support.”

I take a breath, looking away from him. “Yeah, uh… it’s hard, you know? Little things – every things. Like…” I pause and look back at him. “There are support groups for just about anything, you know? You need community, you can find community. You, for instance, have the Avengers, you’ve got… you can find other veterans. Even movies or music or books, you can find people who engage in the same stuff, and you’ll find other common interests, connections. People who grew up in the same area, who frequent the same places. I don’t know how I’d find people, or if I did, how I’d get to them. I don’t have family or friends, in the traditional sense. I didn’t grow up somewhere, go to a high school, go to college that exists, my degree is useless, hell, I can’t even look in a mirror without having a panic attack. I –” I stop myself again. “I’m sorry, this is terrible first date conversation.” I let out a nervous laugh.

“No, no, uh, don’t apologise. I mean, I never really realised….”

There's silence for a few moments. The waiter returns with dessert before leaving.

The next morning, Tony arrived to take me to breakfast.

We were on our way to the local cafe, when I noticed Nat walking towards us, focusing on something on her phone. Leaving Tony’s side, I bound over to her.

“Nat! Hey! I have so much to tell you about the date with Steve!”

She smiled at me, then looked over at Tony, shooting a quick questioning look.

“Hey, uh, yeah, we’ll have to catch up to… debrief,” she said, returning her attention to me.

“Oh, absolutely!” I grinned. “Debrief with Steve first, so you can give me all the juicy goss.”

She let out a small laugh, “Sure, I’ll… work on that for you.”

“You’re such a gem!”

Tony intervened, with, “We should let you go, Nat. You’ve got that briefing with Fury in five, don’t you?”

She gave him a knowing smile. Sometimes I wonder if they think I’m just not smart enough to pick up on their communication. “Yeah. On my way there now.” Nat looked back at me. “I’ll catch up with you soon, Jo.”

“Soon” ended up being a week later.

She shrugged off her jacket as we sat at the dining table in the communal area. “Just so you know,” she started, “I can’t stay long. Got an appointment in about half an hour.”

“That’s fine, I’m sure we won’t take that long,” I lied.

Really, I’d spent the last week preparing and memorising an hour long monologue – a stream of consciousness about Steve, the evening, and questions, without time for her to answer.

I’d run over it with Scott, who stopped me about ten minutes in to tell me that he loves me but can’t take anymore. This felt like a good sign that I was on the right track.

After some pleasantries and small talk, I get stuck into the monologue.

I watched her eyes glaze over, her smile became stiff and forced, more so than usual, and the subtle checking of her phone every few seconds. Nat opened her mouth to answer a question, but I’d continue through, and she closed her mouth again. Soon, she stopped attempting to answer at all.

Somehow – god knows how – she got through twenty five minutes, before starting to attempt to wind down the conversation. At the thirty minute mark, she attempted to end the conversation, but I persisted. With every attempt, every time she tried to talk, I could see her getting more and more annoyed. If she was Bruce, she’d have completely lost it by now.

It took her 45 minutes before she stood up, slammed her hands on the table, and glared at me. I jumped and leaned back, looking shocked.

“That’s enough! Dear lord you don’t stop! You are so irritating! I can’t stand being around you!”

“… then why –”

“Because Tony said I had to!” She huffed, tucking her chair in, and ripped her jacket from the chair. “I can’t put up with you any more.”

Her outburst genuinely took me off guard. I mean, I had been hoping for it, but the furrow of her brow, the darkness of her glare… for a moment, I almost felt bad.

“Oh… I’m, uh, really sorry that I… you know, I just… I’m sorry you felt like you had to be around me, that you didn’t have a choice. I honestly thought you wanted -… uh, that you were my friend. But… I don’t want to be a burden. I’ve never wanted to be a burden.”

“You are,” she spat, and stormed off, opting to take the emergency stairs, rather than deal with waiting for the elevator.

The door slammed behind her, the room rattling a touch.

That’s two of four.

I lay in bed and called Scott. Hearing Nat’s words were more difficult than I expected, that flash of coldness in my bones emerging again.

‘This is what you wanted,’ I attempted to assure myself. ‘You know this was what was going to happen.’

Scott answered the phone, voice as chirpy and cheerful as usual. “Hey, Jo. What’s up?”

There was silence for a moment, then, “I cracked Natasha.”

“Oh, well done! I knew that monologue would get her.” he laughed. “So, what happened?”

“She yelled at me. Called me a burden.”

Scott’s silent for a moment. “Oof. Are you ok?”

I don’t say anything for a bit. “This is what I wanted, for her to admit that.”

“Yeah. But, still… hearing it must’ve been…” Scott trailed off, leaving the words unsaid.

“It was.” We’re both silent for a few moments, then I break it. “Anyway, that’s two. Just Steve and Tony to break, now.”

“For sure, for sure… but, you know, if you didn’t want to… I mean, they’ll both say-… stuff. We can come up with another plan.”

“No. I know, but… I need to hurt them… it’s what they deserve.”

There’s more silence.

“You’re not a burden. You’re not a bad person. Ok?”

“… Ok.”

“And how Tony, or Steve, or Nat, or Bruce, how they feel about you doesn’t define who you are, ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, ok.”

“I love you.”

There’s silence for a moment. “Yeah…. I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Steve had arrived unexpectedly a few days later, with an old movie in one hand and Chinese in the other. I leaned against a counter in the kitchen as he served up the food.

“I’m sorry to hear about Nat,” he said, focusing on getting the fried rice into the bowls.

“Yeah, uh… it was really out of the blue.”

He nodded, then paused. “So… who have you been spending time with lately?”

“Well, I mean… I didn’t see Nat that often, really. Every couple of weeks. She’s busy, of course. Tony comes by at least twice a week, normally. Mostly for breakfast. He’s busy, too. Scott doesn’t really come around any more. Tony wasn’t a big fan of him spending time with me, for some reason. Uh, and of course, he has super hero things, and he has to look after Cassie, too.”

“You spend most of your time alone, then?”

I pause for a few moments, attempting to brush it aside. “Uh, no, not really. I sometimes go to the cafe around the corner. It’s not like I don’t speak to anyone, on a normal day.”

He nods again, pretending like what I’m saying is reasonable, normal. That flash of guilt crosses his face again. He served the food and passed me a bowl.

The movie is spent in moderate silence, interrupted only by a laugh or to provide me with context. Steve insisted I sat as he cleaned up the food.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, actually,” he started, rinsing the bowls. I can see the nerves, the guilt flickering on his face again. “About us.”

“What about us?”

There’s silence for a few moments, his eyes fixed on the bowls. “I can’t keep seeing you. Not in a romantic capacity. And it’s not –” He stopped himself and looked up at me. “You’re great, ok? It’s not you. I think maybe it’d be best if we were friends. You don’t have a big network, I mean, and with what happened with Nat –”

I cut him off with, “No, uh, yeah, I get it, it’s fine. You’re not into me.”

“No, it’s not that, I –”

“It’s fine. Really. I get it.”

I head back to my room, then pause at the door and look back at him.

“Tony told you to spend time with me, didn’t he?” He has the decency to look uncomfortable. “I thought you were better than that.”

Once in my room, I close the door and lean against it.

Three of four.

A few hours later, I’m propped against the bedhead, calling Scott. He answered on the first ring.

“It’s nice of him to have come around in the first place,” he tells me, after I breakdown the evening.

“The guilt must’ve been eating at him.”

Scott hums. “And I think that says something about you, too.”

“What, that I’m good at manipulating?” I scoff.

“No.” He pauses. I can practically hear the eye roll. “That you’re a good person, that he sees that the way you’re being treated isn’t fair. He’s been encouraged to lie to you, to lead you on.”

There’s silence for a few moments. “Yeah. I guess. Maybe.”

“Anyway, it’s probably a good chance to consider what you’re going to do with Tony. Lay low for a while.”

I consider his words. “It’s going to have to be big.” There’s a pause. “I won’t tell you what I decide to do. Just in case.”

“In case?”

“When push comes to shove, when I’m standing in front of Tony with nothing left to lose, with that being my final revenge… I don’t want you to get caught up in it. If it’s bad.”

We sit in silence, Scott processing my words, my threat. “I thought we decided you wouldn’t physically hurt anyone.”

“I know. Thats not –” I pause again. “It’s different with Tony.”

Scott is silent again. “Sure, but... I can’t support you if you hurt him. I’ll stand by your side, always, but if you hurt him, I can’t condone you, or your actions.”

“I can’t ask you to. Look, I’ll think about my options. Nothing’s decided.”

There’s further silence. I shouldn’t’ve said anything.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. It’s a tough situation, and I understand… kind of.” He sighs. “I’m worried about how this will work out for you, if you decide to hurt me.”

“We both know I can’t stay here, regardless of what happens. Tony will want to deactivate me, get rid of me entirely, if he can.”

There’s further silence.

“Sorry, I’ve gotta go. But I love you, I’ll see you soon, ok?”

“Yeah, love you too.”

He hangs up first. I lay in bed, thinking about Tony, what outcome I want from him.

I had no doubt that Tony was attempting to pressure his friends into socialising with me. However, I continued to entertain myself. I used this as an opportunity to plot, isolate myself further from people, appear more withdrawn to the outside world, establish a dependency on Tony.

He continued to take me to breakfasts. Calling him ‘dad’ became second nature, as I reiterated my attachment to him. It wasn’t long before he was hugging me goodbye.

Weeks passed. Tony made an effort to see me nearly every day, normally bringing a book or something for me to do to fill my time. He’d suggested I go shopping and would give me money each time he saw me.