Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

July

“You guys ready?” Louis looked between his twins, unable to wipe the smile off his face for weeks now.

“I will be as soon as pop stops messing with my tie,” Cameron tried to push his father’s hands away as he adjusted him for the tenth time.

He was truly grateful it was only them in the back room, otherwise, his entire family would be doing the same thing.

Harry let out a nervous breath, not believing out of everyone here, he was the only one freaking out. “This is a big deal, and I want to make sure it goes smoothly for you,” he mumbled as he begrudgingly stopped trying to fix Cameron’s suit. “It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for.”

Louis, Rory, and Cameron looked at each other, and Louis could see his boys were just as excited as he was. It was hard not to see his twins as 2-year-olds with a football at their feet for the first time, and now they’re being signed on his team as professionals at 17. 

“Are you okay? Anxious at all?” Harry asked Cameron quietly.

“I’m fine pop, as crazy as it sounds, happy,” he joked, making his father roll his eyes. “I’m starting as a pro younger than dad did, and I love someone just as supportive as you. Everything is falling into place.”

Harry looked at him softly, and when meeting Cameron’s eyes, he saw the same blue he had when he had met Louis. The twins really are their dad’s sons, a spitting image of his husband at this age. 

“I love that you have things and someone to love,” Harry said softly before pulling him into his chest. “I know how hard it gets for you sometimes, but please, just-... Take in how you feel right now and remember it. Remember, wonderful things can happen to you.”

Cameron held onto his pop a little tighter as he rested his head on his shoulder and nodded. He had his bad moments in the past 3 years, and there was never a reason, never anything that set him off. For some weeks it was hard to get out of bed. He didn’t see the point. Or would stay up until the sun rose in the morning because the thought of falling asleep only to start a new day was painful.

There have been hurdles, but his family and Amira were always there. They always managed to pull him out of his funk, whether it was suggesting a medicine change or more therapy sessions. But he’s been on a good path for a while now, and with signing with the pros, Cameron couldn’t see how he could ever get in that dulled mindset again.

“How’re you feeling, Ror? You ready?” Harry asked once he let Cameron go.

“Hell yeah, I’m ready! We’re gonna be rich and get to play our favorite sport together,” Rory scoffed. “It’s everything we’ve ever wanted.”

Harry rolled his eyes fondly before pulling his boy in for a hug and squeezing him tightly. “I’m so proud of you. Of both of you.”

“Thanks pop,” the twins said at the same time.

“Me too, you lads know how proud,” Louis smiled at them. “As soon as those papers are signed, it’s game on. The world isn’t ready to take on the Tomlinsons.”

“With the way our family is, no one is ever ready for our chaos,” Rory laughed as he let his pop go. “Man U sure as hell isn’t.”

Cameron hummed and nodded his agreement. Over the years, he and his twin played for the Man U Academy League and were a force to be reckoned with.

“Coach,” a manager popped his head into the room. “We’re ready for you.”

Louis let out a deep breath, more elated than anything, and had to calm down before he took the stage. “Ready Tommo twins?”

“Let’s do it,” Cameron nodded and grinned back at him.

“Hell yes, let’s go,” Rory was nearly bouncing where he stood.

“Mind your language in front of the cameras,” Harry muttered to Rory as they followed Louis out of the room.

The 17-year-old was excited, he couldn’t help it. For a long time, he wasn’t sure if Cameron would be here with him or if he could share this with his brother. But here he was, smiling, confident, and sure of himself. 

As soon as their dad told them they were getting signed, Rory and Cameron were living on cloud nine. It had been their dream to be on their dad’s team for as long as they could remember. Sure, there were a few bumps along the way, and passion was lost every now and again. But football is a comfort for them, a constant in their hectic lives.

“Alright boys, I’m gonna go out first and do a little speech. When I introduce you guys, come on out, and we’ll sign some paperwork,” Louis winked at them as they got to the hidden side of the stage.

Harry could see their wide smiles as they nodded, and it warmed him to his core to see them so happy. “Hey,” he caught Louis’ hand just as he was about to go out. “You’re signing the best players of your career. Congrats coach,” he grinned softly at him.

Louis’ eyes were crinkling as he took a few steps to meet his husband to give him a kiss. “I love you,” he said before pecking him one more time. “Thank you for all of the support.”

“Remember what we talked about.”

“Yeah, of course, yeah,” Louis nodded before heading back over towards the stage. “I’m a full-time dad, not a full-time coach,” he winked at him. “I’ll call you out in just a minute, boys.”

Louis took a second to control his breathing. In his mind, he would burst on stage and scream the news. But he has to be professional and try extra hard not to cry as he watches his sons sign their contracts.

As soon as he was seen on the stage, like usual, he was getting hammered with questions, and the flashing lights were blinding. There were rumors of the twins joining the team, and it was obvious these reporters were eager for the news that it was true.

“Hello, good afternoon, everyone,” Louis waved and calmed the noise. "I’m Coach Louis Tomlinson of Manchester United, and we called everyone in to announce new members to our team, " once those words were heard, shouting again broke out, but Louis quickly raised his hand to calm them down. “Before I jump right into it though, there are a few things I want to say,” Louis said, quickly gaining more interest. 

“I started coaching about 17 years ago, just when our twins were born,” he smiled at the memory. “17 years of building this team, of planning and adjusting, and I know I found the two players to take Manchester United to the next level,” Louis looked off to the side at his sons. “It’s Tomlinson takeover time. Please welcome to Manchester United, Rory and Cameron Tomlinson.”

Louis was beaming as he watched the two nervously walk on stage and slightly wave at the cameras.

“Double trouble!! Let’s go, lads!!”

Louis couldn’t hide his laugh as he heard Cody yell from the back of the room, and of course, because he had broken the ice, the rest of the kids had to cheer and scream their praises too.

As Rory and Cameron heard their siblings going wild their faces were undoubtedly red, but seeing their dad so proud made both of them crack wide smiles. 

“Rory is a defenceman, mainly full-back, and Cameron is a forward,” Louis said as he gently positioned the twins behind the table to sign. “They grew up playing together and challenging each other. And you all saw with 3 years of consecutive Academy Championships that these guys are the ones to beat. What do ya say, lads? Wanna help Man U get the Championship?”

“Fuc-”

“Rory Joseph!!” Harry hissed from the side.

Rory slightly cleared his throat and offered his dad a tight lined smile. “You know it, coach,” he took the pen his dad was offering him.

Louis grinned back at him, the simple sight of his son with a contract in front of him had his eyes going blurry. “Cam?” He offered him a pen.

For a second, Cameron looked at the pen and paper in front of him. His mind can be cruel to him at the most inconvenient times. Is he signing his life away? What if football doesn’t work out? He has no backup plan; this is it. This is all he knows. 

He took a breath, reminding himself he loved football and he loved playing it with his brother. Maybe this could be the greatest thing the Tommo twins will ever do with their dad.

The 17-year-old took the pen, smiling just as much as Rory as he nodded at his father.

Louis watched as his twins signed their contracts at the same time. They were in front of the press and in suits, but all Louis saw were his little boys in their Man U jerseys cheering for their dad. Now, they get to receive that cheering, and they get to experience all of it together.

“Ooh dads crying! Fair warning, he doesn’t stop for an hour once he starts!”

Louis caught Cody’s eye and tried not to scowl as he saw the 25-year-old smirking at him. It took all of his strength not to flip him the bird in front of the cameras. Instead, he just wiped his damp cheeks and hugged his two boys.

Proud was an understatement as he saw them hold up their first professional jerseys. When Louis glanced at Harry, his fond chuckle naturally escaped as he saw his husband clapping manically and wiping his tear-soaked cheeks. 

They stayed on stage for a few questions, and Louis noticed his boys getting a little nervous. But they lightened right up when everything asked was football-oriented, and there was never a time they didn’t want to talk about their favorite sport.

Once the press release was done though, Louis gathered the twins and Harry to meet the rest of the kids.

“My boys!!” Cody shrieked as soon as he saw the twins outside by the cars and ran for them.

They both let out a grunt as their older brother lunged and squeezed them tightly. Despite being uncomfortably pressed together, they were smiling being in Cody’s arms.

“Off you, my turn,” Emerson nudged Cody out of the way and immediately reached for Rory. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“Thanks love,” Rory stood on his toes to peck their lips.

He knew when they were 14, Emerson would eventually surpass him in height, and he hated that it was this past year they really shot up.

Cameron let go of Cody and started scanning through his siblings, his smile slowly fading as he couldn't find the one face he was looking for. “Where’s Amira?” He asked Cody as he took a few steps and kept looking around.

Cody bit his lip and glanced back at his siblings. As soon as Cameron asked, he saw what was close to rage on Alexis’ face. “She uh, w-well, I dunno,” he said quietly. “She was here and left right after you guys signed.”

Cameron couldn’t move, his brain going uncomfortably quiet and his heart pounding. “Why?” The word barely came out.

“What?” Cody didn’t hear him.

“Why?!” Cameron suddenly screamed, making all heads turn towards him. “What the fuck?! Why?! Just-”

“Mate,” Cody softly warned, his twin 1-year-old girls were asleep in their stroller, and Ben and Amelia were right there too. 

“Get off me,” Cameron pushed Cody’s hand away from his shoulder. “Did she say where she was going?”

Cody’s face fell as he saw Cameron undoubtedly furious and hurt. “No, she didn’t-” he stopped himself as his brother yanked his phone out of his pocket and stormed off.

“Love, you need to breathe,” Louis walked after him and reached for his arm.

“Breathe?” Cameron spat through his teeth as he pulled Amira’s number up and pressed the phone to his ear. “My girlfriend of 3 years didn’t stay for one of the most important moments of my life, and you want me to breathe?”

Louis’ heart broke as he saw the 17-year-old rhetorically raising his eyebrows at him. And as the seconds passed, as the line rang over and over again, he could see his boy close to cracking.

“Fucking fuck!” Cameron screamed as she didn’t pick up, and he called again.

“Hey, Cam, look at me buddy,” Louis tried to get him to stop his pacing. “You know she does this sometimes. Her parents are strict, so maybe-”

“How would you feel if pop didn’t show up?! The day you signed, how would you feel?!” Cameron’s face was red, and when he saw his father break a little, the blue-eyed boy scoffed. “Exactly, not so fucking great.”

“Cameron,” Louis said with a soft but firm tone to get his attention. “Slow down, mate… Send her a text since she didn’t pick up the call.”

Cameron met Louis’ eyes, and he could see from the way that his father was looking at him that he was spiraling a little. “Fine,” he muttered before sending off a text asking where she was. “This is-... This is fucking ridiculous,” he said through a sarcastic laugh.

Louis watched him gently, it almost being like a switch. One second, his son can be on top of the world, and a moment later, his world is crumbling. 

“C’mere honey,” he opened his arms for Cameron, but his son shook his head. And it broke his heart a little. Cameron knows well that, at this age, hugs don’t fix everything. “We’re going out to dinner to celebrate you guys. You deserve it.”

Cameron had no appetite, and he could imagine that he’d only feel worse if he went out with everyone. “I just wanna go home.”

“No, Cam, don’t do this, c’mon,” Louis felt close to begging. “Don’t let this ruin your day, please.”

The blue-eyed boy slightly eyed his father, not understanding how his dad couldn’t comprehend that his girlfriend didn’t show any type of support. And that was a huge pill to swallow.

“Hey,” Rory carefully came up to them. “You know it’s probably because of her parents, man. Don’t stress about it.”

Cameron shook his head, checking his phone, and still no text back. Of course, he knows Amira’s parents aren’t the biggest fans of him. They never really were. They set standards for their daughter, and apparently, Cameron could never measure up. He’s a dumb footie player, while she’s a prodigy who got accepted into Julliard this year. 

Cameron was hoping that with him signing with the pros, they would see that he was more than what they had painted him to be. But Amira couldn’t even stay. Something was wrong.

He left with his family for dinner and tried not to drag everyone into the same mood he was in. It felt like that was a constant battle he had to fight, but over the years, he’s gotten better at it.

“Are you boys all packed up to move?” Rosie asked before eating some of her dinner.

Rory and Cameron shrugged. " For the most part,” Rory chuckled. “We both just have to finish packing clothes.”

“Ya gotta be excited though, getting your own place together,” Declan smiled at them. “No more Harry screaming over the videogame mic to go to bed,” he teased Cameron.

“That I will not miss,” Cameron nodded his agreement. “I will miss being fed though.”

“Don’t worry. The first month you’re out of the house, pop will make dinners for you to freeze and just reheat,” Alexis winked at him.

“Moving can be a hard adjustment, and I want the transition easy,” Harry defended himself. “But even after a month, if you need me to, I’ll keep doing it.”

Rory rolled his eyes fondly. “Thanks pop. We’ll probably take you up on it.”

“You ready to be alone in the house with the two crazies, Charlie?” Hayden joked.

The 12-year-old looked a little sunken though after he asked. “I’m gonna miss Ror and Cam,” she said quietly. “It always sucks when one of you moves out, and they’re both going.”

“Aw kiddo,” Rory smiled sweetly at her before flinging a few vegetables at her with his spoon. “You really gonna miss me?” He asked teasingly.

“Maybe not,” Charlie grumbled with a smile as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Luckily, dad watches the twins at home, so it’s still far from quiet.”

Louis hummed and chuckled as he bounced the two 1-year-olds on his lap. “Miss Harley and miss Quinn are shriekers just like their father,” he smiled. 

The girls yell and screech as much as Cody did as a baby, but they can hear and often scare themselves with how loud they get. Louis swears both those girls will earn their names, being the feisty and sassy little things they are. And as if on cue Harley started banging the table and signing dad repeatedly.

“Daddy’s girl has spoken,” Louis laughed as Cody took her from him.

He absolutely loves that at only a year old they know they can hit the table to get Cody’s attention. Louis swears there was even one time Quinn pulled on Milo’s tail and signed dad because she knows Milo helps Cody. It’s a useful trick unless you’re at a fancy restaurant and chinaware is rattling against the table.

“Hayden, could we use your truck for the move? We’re gonna use my SUV too,” Louis said before reaching for his beer.

“Definitely,” Hayden easily nodded. “I can help ya move too, carry boxes or whatever.”

“Cody and I can too,” TJ offered. “Grandpa Harry can entertain the kiddos while we move everything,” he said, not wanting him to carry boxes all day.

And the grateful wink and smile Louis sent to him caused TJ’s own grin to appear.

“After we’re all moved in, I’m calling for a pizza and video game night,” Rory said.

“That means a sleepover with grampies!” Amelia said happily, getting Ben to squeal and kick his legs excitedly under the table.

“You lot alright with that?” Louis asked his two oldest.

“Good with me,” Cody nodded, a night off sounding amazing.

“Yes, so long as my favorite girls come over to my place,” Alexis smiled at her sisters. With the boys occupied, they could have sister time. “You guys ready for the next step?”

“It’s gonna be weird being out of the house, but I’m excited,” Rory was close to bouncing in his seat. “What about you, Cam?”

Cameron picked his head up from his phone, one of the few times he had done it during dinner. “Uhm, yeah, moving will be cool. We’ll have our own space and all that,” he shrugged.

“Stop looking at it,” Rory whispered to him. “You’ll put yourself in a tizzy.”

“Too late,” Cameron grumbled back. “It’s been almost two hours. She never does this…” He shook his head and checked his phone again. “Something’s wrong.”

“You always think something is wrong.”

Cameron narrowed his eyes at his twin and let out an annoyed huff. “I’m a second away from checking her location.”

“Cam,” Rory warned him. “You guys have that only for emergencies, and this isn’t one.”

“It feels like one to me,” Cameron quietly snapped back. “Don’t fucking invalidate how I feel.”

Rory’s face fell. It’s been a while since he saw Cameron this angry, this stressed. Sure, finals week would come along, and he loses it a bit. But this type of anger was dangerous to hold on to.

“I’m sorry mate, that’s not what I’m trying to do,” Rory said quietly.

Cameron met his gaze, and he saw the sincerity. But fuck, it hurt seeing Emerson sitting with Rory and celebrating with him, and Amira couldn’t even make it to see him in the car park. 

He didn’t have the willpower to stop himself as he unlocked his phone and went to FindMyFriends. 

They were 15 and 16 when they shared each other locations and for emergencies only. Cameron has never had to open it, but something wasn’t settling well with him inside. Something felt off. And when the blue-eyed boy saw where his girlfriend was, his mind only started moving faster.

“What? What’s wrong?” Rory asked with furrowed eyebrows as he saw his twin terrifyingly staring at his phone.

“She… She’s where I told her I loved her for the first time,” Cameron had to blink a few times to ensure he was seeing this right. “Why would she be there? I-I-” his thoughts were racing, and not a single one of them was good.

Rory kept his eyes on his twin, seeing his determined look switch on within a second. “You’re gonna go see her, aren’t you?”

“I have to,” Cameron said as if it was obvious as he stood up and reached for his suit coat.

“Hey, where are you going?” Harry perked his head up as he saw Cameron.

“I need to see Amira,” he buttoned his coat and made sure his tie was straight.

“She answered? Where is she?” Louis asked.

Cameron looked around the table, every single pair of eyes on him as he tried to find his words. “Uhm, I know where she is, and I just need to talk to her.”

Both Louis and Harry looked at him carefully, seeing he was clearly a little frazzled. 

“Please be careful driving and text when you’re on your way home,” Harry said, wanting to offer him a smile, but he feared it would do no good.

“I will,” Cameron nodded at him before saying goodbye to his siblings, nieces, and nephew.

“And mate,” Louis stopped his son as he was just a few steps away from the table. “We love you, and we’re really proud of you.”

The 17-year-old sent his most convincing grin as he said his “I love you’s” back and headed for the restaurant's door.

As soon as he got to his car, his palms were sweaty, and his chest filled with that uncomfortable pressure he’d grown too familiar with. 

This time it was heavy though, heavier than normal. And the closer he got to the river, the worse that weight became. Cameron didn’t know what he was walking into, what in the world his girlfriend’s excuse could be for leaving his signing. He was mad and hurt but, above all, terrified. What did her not staying at the signing mean?

Cameron pulled up to their spot along the river, seeing someone sitting on the bench, and as soon as he parked, they stood up and looked towards his car.

He could barely make Amira out in the dark, but he knew it was her. Seeing his girlfriend at this place brought back so many amazing memories. As his dad repeatedly reminded him, hold onto those like they’re healing potions in a game. So as Cameron climbed out of the car, he tried to remember how he felt when he told her he loved her. 

It was wonderful, beautiful, empowering. But as Amira watched him climb out of the car, he felt anything but that.

“Geez, Cam, you scared me,” Amira walked up to the car and saw it wasn’t some stranger.

Cameron bit his lip as he kept his eyes on her, and he swore there was an uncomfortable heaviness between them for the first time in their relationship.

“How did you know I was here?” She asked.

“Why didn’t you stay for my signing?” He felt like he should be the one asking questions. “That… That was one of the biggest moments of my life, and- and you just left?”

Amira was quiet, wishing the headlights of his car weren’t so bright so she couldn’t see his heartbroken face. But she was able to see him. He was shattered and scared, more so than she’d ever seen him before.

“Cam, you know how things are between us right now,” the green-eyed girl shook her head.

“Uhm, I do?” Cameron raised his eyebrows.

Amira ran a hand over her face as she paced a little. “Don’t act daft. It’s never suited you,” she muttered. “I leave in two weeks, Cameron, you know this.”

“Okay, and?”

“And I won’t be coming home for months, and it’ll be years before I’m really home again or if I ever come back!” Amira suddenly snapped. “And here you go, signing your life away to stay here!”

“Don’t do that to me,” Cameron said through gritted teeth. “We talked about this! We made a plan that will work!”

“You made a plan, and I nodded along!” Amira yelled back. “I-...” She suddenly got choked up and wiped her wet eyes. “You made a 4 year plan, and I love that, I do,” Amira said honestly, as the seconds passed, seeing her boyfriend crumble more and more. “At first, it seemed feasible, but it’s a dream Cameron, a wish that we both know won’t come true.”

“No,” Cameron shook his head and reached for her hands, but he felt himself crack as she immediately pulled away. “No, no, you can’t say that! We haven’t even tried! You’re not letting me!” His voice slightly raised, and he could see more tears fall from her. “Your parents got in your head again, but you have to trust me-”

“Trust you on what?! That when I leave in two weeks, the next 6 months until I’m home again won’t be agonizing?!” Amira screamed. “It’s not my parents, Cam! It’s reality! A 3,000-mile difference reality, and for years!”

“Stop, stop,” Cameron felt like he was almost talking to himself, needing the screaming voices to quiet down. “You can’t give up on me, on us, after 3 years! How can you throw me away like this?!”

“Part of it is this, Cameron!” Amira angrily eyed him back. “Like you’re always the victim, the only one hurting! Well, guess what?! This is fucking crushing me, but the sooner you accept it’s not going to work-”

“It will!!” 

“No, it won’t, Cam!!” Arima screamed furiously. “I know you, and I know me, and I know it won’t work!”

“What the fuck?!” Cameron yelled as he paced, his entire world feeling like it was exploding from the inside out. “You’re slamming on the brakes before the key is even in the ignition, and it’s not fucking fair!!” His voice came out choked, trying to stop his tears, but he could feel them falling. “How can you not even want to try it out, to give me a chance?! W-we’ve been through so many firsts together! I-I mean, look at where we are!” Cameron motioned to the river. “I told you I loved you on that bench, and here you are breaking my fucking heart 15 yards from it!!”

Amira could see the angry veins popping from his neck, his face red with fury. And all she could do was cry and look back to the bench where two kids fell in love. “We grew up Cam… Life pulled me one way and you another… You need to accept it.”

“Oh? Accept it, really? Hm.”

“Don’t go cynical on me,” Amira warned him. “Do you think this is easy for me? To look at my first love and admit we won’t have our fairytale?”

“Because you’re stopping it from happening,” Cameron’s tone was sharp.

“Your version of a fairytale is waiting for me for 4 years? With the distance, both of us traveling, your growing popularity, and most importantly, me in New York City, and you not there to keep an eye on me? That’s a fairytale to you? Because it’s not mine.”

As soon as the words came out, Cameron swallowed thickly, his eyes for a moment staring off into space, and the once beautiful place by the river looked like it was on fire. 

Amira could see it, the way his eyes grew wide and yet there seemed to be nothing behind them. Cameron was disassociating, what he always does when he’s hit with hard news. He couldn’t bear to be in the moment he was in, so his mind went somewhere else, and Amira could tell plain as day, his mind went nowhere nice.

“You’re really going to do this to us? Break-...” Cameron lost his voice for a second, the words refusing to come out as he wiped his tears. “You’re ruining something incredible.”

Amira bit her lip as she took a few steps closer to him to look into his eyes. “It was incredible. It was the most amazing and loving 3 years of my life.”

“T-then why? Why are you doing this?” Cameron felt like he was begging to know, his tears turning into sobs.

“Because I know the chapters of us are finished…” Amira could barely say. “And it fucking hurts coming to that realization, but you need to.”

“No, no,” Cameron cried into his hands. “P-please no, I can’t do this.”

“Cam… It’s time to read the rest of your story,” Amira said softly, her heart clenching seeing him like this.

“I don’t want to!! I fucking don’t if you’re not in it!!” Cameron screamed at the top of his lungs

Amira opened her mouth, but nothing came out. The only things she could feel were the tears spilling on her cheeks and her chest going tight, and it was all too much.

“You know what?! Fuck this! Fuck all of this!” Cameron yelled before storming off towards his car.

“Cam, no, don’t do this,” Amira rushed after him, her breath falling short as she saw him close to sobbing.

“Don’t act like my worst fucking fear came true?!” Cameron looked at her furiously.

Every day since he met Amira, he thought about what it would be like if she left him. Suppose he fell in love, only for it to crumble right in front of him. And it was happening. His heart was shattered, and just breathing felt like a chore.

“I need to go,” Cameron wiped his never-ending tears and reached to open his car door.

“Cam-”

The blue-eyed boy yanked his arm out of her grip. “I can’t be here!”

Amira was frozen as he screamed. The guy who always had nothing but love for her behind his eyes wasn’t there anymore.

“Please don’t drive yet,” she stopped him from closing the door as he slid in, but her pulse only spiked as he started the car. “Cam please,” Amira begged, her eyes getting more cloudy. “We both know where your head goes when you get in a mood and drive,” the words barely came out.

Cameron narrowed his eyes at her, his chest erupting in rage as he slammed the door shut and backed out. 

He sped out of the lot and onto the road, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white. 

All he could feel was pure and unadulterated rage. Cameron’s body felt like it was ready to erupt from the inside out, and he wished it would. 

He turned a corner sharply and pressed his foot against the gas, the car picking up its speed quickly. If Cameron had to focus on driving, then his mind couldn’t replay what had just happened over and over. 

The road ran along the river, his eyes flashing to it every so often, knowing he’d never see it the same way. But then he passed under a bridge, slowing down just slightly to look at it a little longer.

Trigger Warning

It always happens when he’s driving, whenever he passes under a bridge. His immediate thought is always “crash into it.” His mind always told him how easy it would be. It would all be over. No more voices, no more exhaustion, no spending energy to breathe in a world he didn’t want to be a part of. And right now, that was the only thing ringing in his head.

Cameron could end it. He wouldn’t have to feel this pain. There’d be nothing, and he was craving that. He craved the voice telling him to end himself to become nonexistent, but it was plaguing him- it had been for years. And right now, it was screaming.

Cameron blinked a few times and shook his head. All of a sudden, his lungs felt compressed, and he broke down in sobs. “Fucking fuck!!” He screamed before swerving to the side of the road and slamming on the brakes to put the car in park.

“No, no, please,” Cameron felt like he was begging himself. “Don’t do this to me.”

But it wouldn’t stop. This could all be over so simple and so fast. Speed into the bridge.

Cameron felt himself choking out tears as he shakily reached for his phone, barely able to see the screen through his blurry vision. But he managed to make the call, and it took just one ring before his dad picked up, and Cameron only cried more.

“Cam?” Louis asked worriedly. “Buddy, what’s going on?”

“D-dad,” Cameron cried. “I-I’m in the car a-and I don’t feel well. I’m n-not okay.”

He could hear quick rustling on his father’s end, him sounding like he was running. 

“Please tell me you’re parked,” Louis couldn’t hide the fear in his voice.

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay, okay, good,” Louis breathed out. “Just stay where you are. I have your location and pop, and I will be there in 10 minutes, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Cam?” Louis’ tone was soft. “We love you so much, buddy.”

Cameron squeezed his eyes shut, willing his tears to stop as those words sounded close to painful. It hit him to his core, and he hated that he wished his fathers didn’t to make it easier for him to create his silence.

End Trigger Warning

Louis’ POV

Louis pulled his phone away and stared at it as Cameron hung up without saying anything. “Harry!!” He screamed from the foyer. “H, we gotta go!”

“Go where?” Harry asked confused as he came down the stairs with Dezzy.

“We need to get Cam. He had to pull off to the side of the road.”

It took the green-eyed man a moment to process what his husband said, immediately internally panicking. Within a second, he was racing to put his shoes on and ran after Louis to the car.

“What did he say? What happened?” Harry asked worriedly as his husband pulled onto the road.

“I dunno, he just said he didn’t feel well,” Louis said quietly, already feeling tears pool in his eyes as he and Harry knew what that meant.

Harry rubbed his hands over his face, his knee bouncing uncontrollably as he stared at Louis’ phone to make sure Cameron didn’t start driving again. “Today was supposed to be a good day for him, a guaranteed great day a-and-...”

“I know love,” Louis said as he reached for his hand. “I’m scared too.”

Hearing his husband say it, Harry felt tears coming, unable to help it as a few fell. He noticed Louis speeding a little to get to their son, and the closer they got, the more Harry’s heart was thudding.

“Lou, there!” Harry quickly pointed as he saw Cameron’s car.

Louis pulled behind his car. Both of them rushing out and sprinting to the driver's side. It was a relief to see Cameron in there, and the blue-eyed lad was fast to open the door and nearly pull his son out.

As soon as the 17-year-old was in his father's arms, he broke down, all of his weight going against his dad as he wrapped his arms around Cameron.

“You’re okay, you’re alright,” Louis shushed him and rubbed his back as he breathed his boy in, too relieved he was safe.

“I-I’m not dad,” Cameron cried into his shoulder and shook his head. “It’s over. Everything is over.”

Harry’s face fell as he saw how broken their son looked. He had to will back tears in times like this, but he never succeeded. “What happened with Amira?”

“What the fuck do you think?!” Cameron suddenly snapped as he pulled away from Louis and eyed his pop. “I just said it! It’s fucking over!!”

“Cameron,” Louis grabbed his shoulders, with their son screaming, Harry only started to cry more. “You’re really hurt, but that doesn’t mean you get to hurt other people.”

Cameron shook his head, still feeling nothing but anger coursing through his body. “Please, just drive me home,” he said as he passed his keys to his pop.

“Yeah, c’mon,” Louis nodded towards his car.

Cameron walked over to it, but Louis made sure to catch Harry’s eye before he went to take their son’s car. I’ll try to talk to him, he signed, not wanting Cameron to hear.

Harry nodded back at him, mouthing “thank you,” before he climbed in Cameron’s car.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, and Harry breaks a little more each time it does. It was devastating seeing their boy in so much pain, so scared that he felt the need to pull off the road. Harry couldn’t imagine what Cameron’s brain came up with, but he knew it had to be terrifying and heartbreaking. And knowing their boy was going through it brought Harry to tears. This marks the worst day of Cameron’s life when it should’ve been one of his best.

The curly-haired man wiped his wet cheeks, trying to gather himself as he drove home with Louis following him. As much as he hoped Cameron would talk to Louis, Harry knew there was a slim chance. Their son has been closed off from sharing his feelings, especially in times like this. 

When the two cars pulled up to the house Harry noticed Cameron rush inside, and with Louis’ defeated sigh, Harry could tell his husband didn’t get far.

“No luck?” He asked as they walked up the front steps.

Louis’ gaze stayed towards the ground, barely shaking his head. “He’s angry and heartbroken.”

They got inside, and as soon as they walked into the foyer, they heard a door slam shut from upstairs. 

“He needs to talk to us though. He can’t bottle something this big up. He’ll explode,” the fear in Harry’s voice was noticeable.

“We’ll give him time to cool off and sit down with him tomorrow,” Louis tried to ease him.

Harry shook his head, not liking any of this at all. “I don’t think he should move out.”

“What?” Louis furrowed his eyebrows. “H, they’re all packed, the flat is paid for, they’re excited. It might be the only thing he’s excited about right now.”

“Louis, I don’t like the idea at all,” Harry said honestly. “He can’t be alone, not like this.”

“You know he won’t be alone, H. Rory will be there, and we’re a 10 minute drive away.”

The green-eyed man bit his lip, the anxiety basically oozing out of him, and Dezzy pressing herself to his side was a reminder to breathe. “I’m not comfortable with it.”

Louis let out a small breath as he slightly paced the foyer. “It’s gonna turn into a fight Harry, and that’s the last thing he needs right now. To not feel trusted or independent.”

“Lou, he’s 17 and just had a major breakdown, and not his first, might I add,” Harry needed to get this through his head. “I’m terrified him moving out will only make things worse.”

“Listen, I hear where you’re coming from, I do,” Louis said softly as he reached for his husband’s hands. “Don’t think for one second I’m not as nervous as you… But what if we restrict him, and everything turns to shit here because we didn’t let him move out.”

Harry didn’t know what the answer was. He knew what he personally wanted, and that was for Cameron to be home. Their son has anger issues sometimes, he makes impulsive decisions every once in a while and has a hard time seeing light in the darkness. And Harry can’t let him get lost in the dark, he won’t let it happen.

“We’ll talk to him tomorrow, okay?” Louis saw the worry sketched all over his face. “We’ll heavily imply we want him to stay home and to maybe start doing therapy twice a week again.”

Harry bit his lip as he nodded, that seeming like their best option. But he was scared. He already knew Cameron would push back, and Harry didn’t want to fight. For his son though, he always will. He needs to fight to keep him safe.

Chapter Text

Late July

“Hey.”

Harry picked his head up as he heard his husband come into the kitchen, doing his best to offer Louis a smile.

“You alright?” Louis could see right past it and sat next to Harry at the breakfast bar so he could rub his back.

“No,” Harry breathed out, too easily leaning into the older lad’s touch as he fiddled with his tea mug. “I feel like I haven’t been able to breathe since they moved out.”

Louis bit his lip. The twins had been out of the house for only two days, and it was obvious Harry wasn’t handling it well.

As Louis predicted, their talk with Cameron didn’t go as they wished. Their son said he needed his own space and to figure himself out. But Harry and Louis repeatedly said they weren’t comfortable with him leaving the house, which turned into a battle of Cameron versus Rory. 

Cameron constantly compares himself to his twin. “If Rory can do it, why can’t I?” he always asks. The 17-year-old brings Rory into the conversation multiple times. One of his biggest arguments is that his brother is there with him and can look after him. He isn’t alone.

There was obvious fear behind Harry and Louis’ eyes, but they couldn’t stop Cameron from something he wanted. And they didn’t know, but they could hope that maybe moving out would be good for him. 

“Well, they’ll be over for dinner tonight,” Louis kissed his cheek and pressed his thumb between his shoulder blades gently, hoping he would relax. “We’ll have a proper dinner with all the kids and have a good time. Like always.”

Harry met his eyes. Since he was 15, those blue orbs were always confident. His husband’s more grey-than-dark hair and the same grey peeking through his beard proved he was getting older. But those eyes, the strength behind them, will never change. Only grow as they do.

“I know Cody wants to talk to him. It’d be nice if he did,” Harry said before picking up his mug to take a sip.

“Cam said maybe four things when we were helping them move,” Louis muttered. As much as he wished Cameron would be jumping for joy, he was uncomfortably neutral. “He didn’t say anything about the break-up. Only Cody knows from Rory.”

“He needs to talk to someone,” Harry said with a touch of firmness. “He can’t bottle this up.”

“Babe, he’s still digesting it,” Louis reminded him. “I get you’re nervous, but hovering over him like you did with Cody won’t help him.”

Harry was quiet when he heard that. He didn’t mean to hover and didn’t want to be controlling. He just wanted his kids to be safe and happy. 

“I’ll try to relax,” the green–eyed man said quietly. “I just… I see him hurting, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”

“We can’t fix everything, sweetheart. All we can do is be there for him and remind him he’s loved,” Louis’ voice came out soft as he ran his hand along his husband’s back.

Harry nodded, knowing he couldn’t smother Cameron like he did Cody. Before he could say anything else though, he heard the front door open and a loud squeal.

“Grampies!!” Ben came barreling into the kitchen.

“Benjamin! Shoes!” Alexis called out.

Louis chuckled as he scooped the 6-year-old onto his lap to help remove his shoes. With how much his grandson weighed, he almost grunted as Ben fell onto him. It was wild how fast he grew, both him and Amelia. Louis remembers the days they were born easily, and it was hard to grasp that the baby boy wrapped in blue was now forming full sentences and going to school.

“Hey guys,” Alexis smiled at her parents as she walked in with Hayden behind her. “How’s the house feel with only one kid? That hasn’t happened in 25 years.”

The pair laughed, not believing it’s been that long. “Incredibly quiet, but we have Charlie performing for us every night,” Louis smiled, their little girl’s love of piano has only grown over the years.

“Send me videos, please,” Alexis nearly begged before petting Dezzy and grabbing a glass for wine.

“You’re drinking?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows, seeing his daughter’s smile falter at his question.

Alexis opened her mouth before glancing over at Hayden and giving him a silent look.

“Hey Benny, c’mon, let’s set up Fifa,” Hayden picked his son off Louis’ lap.

“But I just sat down with them, and you’re not good at Fifa,” Ben crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’ve gotten better. Grandpa Lou just likes telling stories from the past,” Hayden shooed his son out of the room.

Louis and Harry couldn’t help but feel a little concerned. Alexis hasn’t had a drink in almost a year. Her doctor said drinking could make it hard for her to get pregnant, and after trying for years, she was willing to do anything.

“What’s going on, love?” Harry asked.

Alexis let out a small breath as she shrugged and poured herself a glass. “Nothing’s working,” she could barely mumbled. “I’m emotionally exhausted and want wine.”

Harry’s face fell, knowing that defeated face anywhere. He had it when he and Louis were trying for Rosie.

“So the IVF didn’t work?” Louis asked, and his heart broke as his daughter shook her head before taking a sip of her drink.

“This was our third time trying…” Alexis felt like she couldn’t look at them. “Hormone injections haven’t worked, and medicine, and exercise and no caffeine, and all this other bullshit. It’s not working.”

The older pair looked at one another, hearing and seeing the frustration and heartache. It took them two years before they had Rosie, but Alexis and Hayden had doubled that. As the months and years went by, the speech of hope lost its effect.

“Will uhm, will you be okay seeing Harley and Quinn tonight?” Harry asked carefully.

Alexis was quiet for a second as she stared into her glass. “It’s hard,” she shrugged, her voice monotone. “I look at them and-...” She stopped herself and shook her head.

“Sweetheart,” Harry whispered and got out of his chair to hug her. “I know. I know it’s so hard to see your sibling get what you ache for. I know it doesn’t feel fair.”

The blue-eyed girl sniffled, not even realizing her eyes were welling up as she squeezed her pop back. “I just- I see them, and it’s a constant reminder of what I could have had, and now it feels like it’ll never happen for me.”

Trigger Warning

Harry held onto her with all his strength, trying not to cry as he thought back to 2 years ago. After trying for so long, Alexis was expecting, and Harry swears they’ve never thrown such a party to celebrate. It was funny, TJ and Alexis were pregnant at the same time again, and it made the party that much more fun. But it wasn’t two weeks later Alexis went in for a checkup, and they found an infection around the womb. The baby didn’t make it, Alexis was heartbroken, and Cody had twins. 

End Trigger Warning

“Don’t say that, honey,” Harry whispered to her. “We’ve talked about adoption, or your dad and I can help pay for a surrogate, or-”

Alexis pulled away and waved her hand. “We’re taking a break,” she breathed out. “I’m tired.”

“We understand Al, it’s alright,” Louis offered her a small reassuring smile. “Have wine. Have coffee and fizzy pop.”

Alexis had the tiniest grin as she nodded back at her dad. But just as she was about to say something, she heard quite a bit of rustling coming from the foyer before Milo came sprinting in to see Dezzy.

“You promised we would beat Benny here!” Amelia yelled.

“Love, I don’t see what the big deal is,” TJ huffed.

“That means he gets more time with grampies!”

Louis and Harry laughed as they walked into the kitchen with Cody carrying the twins. “A little jealous?” Louis teased.

“He’s not even in here,” Amelia furrowed her eyebrows. “Cool!”

“Hey guys,” Cody said happily as he adjusted the girls on his hips. “You’re having wine?” His eyes set on his sister.

Alexis hummed, and when she didn’t say anything, Cody slightly cleared his throat, and a small heaviness came over the room.

“How’re you doing, buddy?” Louis tried to break it a little as he got up from his seat to hug him.

“Busy but good. Permanently exhausted,” Cody chuckled, his dad hugging him as best he could. 

But Louis pulled away with furrowed eyebrows. “Pass the twins to TJ.”

Cody was visibly confused, but passed his daughters to his husband. And as soon as he did Louis hugged him again, but tighter.

“Are you losing weight?” Louis asked as he let him go.

“Yeah, a bit,” Cody waved off. “It’s just stress from work and missing lunch,” he tried to joke.

“Cody, eat lunch,” Harry said with a touch of firmness. “I know you barely eat breakfast, so please. I’ll make Declan go to your office and force you,” he said playfully.

Cody scoffed. “That guy busies himself too much to pay attention to me,” he chuckled. 

Cody hired the Irish lad right after he graduated Uni last month, and Declan locks himself in his office to prove he’s worthy of the job. Cody found it adorable.

“What project do you have him working on now?” Louis asked as he sat back at the breakfast bar and picked up Amelia to sit with him.

“He’s trying to upgrade our latest hearing aids, the ones like mine that are as powerful as cochlears,” Cody motioned to his ear. “It’s a great product, but I think Dec can make it better.”

“That’s a big project for a 22-year-old mate,” Louis said, but his son just shrugged.

“Dec was the one that wanted to do it,” Cody laughed. “Rosie said he got a little manic one night and did too much researching, and now he’s set on the idea,” he had to find it a bit entertaining.

“Just don’t put too much pressure on him,” Harry reminded him. “How’s the stadium gig going, TJ? Happy to be back at work?”

TJ quickly smiled just at the thought of his job. “It’s been awesome, really. The bands that come through are great, but no lying, it’s a lot to learn that many songs so quickly.”

“Not to mention, with the way he signs, he’s basically “dancing” for 3 hours,” Cody teased his husband, his movements on stage earning him more than a few YouTube views. “My poor guy comes home pretty tired.”

“You both have quite a bit on your plate,” Louis hummed as he looked at their three girls. 

“Yeah, but we make it through,” Cody winked at TJ.

“We always do,” the brunette-haired lad leaned over to peck his lips.

Louis smiled at the two of them, but when he glanced over at Alexis, he saw her pouring another glass of wine and peeking at the twins. “Hayden and Benny are in the living room with Fifa on if ya wanna join them.”

“The twins aren’t here yet?” Cody asked.

Louis shook his head, knowing Rosie said she would be a little late, but heard nothing from the boys.

“I’ll give them 10 more minutes before I start blowing up their phones,” Cody joked as he followed TJ and Amelia to the living room.

Harry bit his lip as they walked out. As soon as they were gone, his eyes went to his daughter. “You alright?”

“I’m sad,” Alexis said, but there was a hint of anger to her tone before sipping her wine.

Louis and Harry looked at each other, having no clue what to do. Harry has tried to talk to her. He sympathizes with how hard it is and knows it’s heartbreaking. But he and Louis ended up with Rosie, and they don’t know this path Alexis is on.

“Have you and Cody talked about this?” Harry asked softly.

“And say what?” Alexis raised her eyebrows at him. “There’s nothing either of us can do to fix this, so what’s the point of digging a deeper hole?”

“Al,” Harry knew she could hear the pain in his voice. “He’s been your best mate since the day he was born. You called him perfect, and you always looked at him like that,” he said with the smallest smile before it faltered. “But now I’m seeing resent… And I don’t want you to live in that.”

Alexis bit her lip, her gaze able to stay on her pop for only a moment before her eyes met the floor, and she nodded. “I’m happy for him, I am,”  she said quietly. “He’s an adorable girl dad and was the cutest thing when he found out they were having twins,” Alexis smiled just the slightest as she thought back to her brother screaming, sobbing, and running all over the room when they found out. “I just-... It’s hard… That’s all.”

“Talk to him, love,” Louis encouraged her. “You know he’s rooting for you, but he’s scared of hurting you. He doesn’t know what to do like you."

“Guess we’re all just a bit lost, huh?” Alexis asked before drinking from her glass.

Louis met Harry’s eyes, and there was no hiding, a lot was going on. As the kids got older, everything got more complicated. It was a cruel reminder learning how to parent never ends.

The blue-eyed man perked up as he heard his phone ringing, quickly pulling it out and seeing Rory’s name flashing on the screen. “Hey mate, where are ya?”

“Hey uh…” Rory was trying to find his words. “So uhm, Cam like- he doesn’t wanna go.”

“What?” Louis furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s he doing?”

“Nothing, he’s just gaming in his room,” Rory breathed out. “I’ve tried to get him to leave like five times, but he won’t budge.”

“Can you put him on the phone?” Louis nibbled on his bottom lip nervously, and Harry sending him worried glances didn’t help.

There was some slight rustling from Rory’s end, but a minute later and some words exchanged between the twins, Cameron’s voice came over the phone.

“Hey.”

“Hey bud,” Louis said, trying to be at least a little upbeat. “You don’t wanna come over?”

“No,” Cameron breathed out. “I wanna relax before our first practice tomorrow.”

“Well, ya can’t really have a good practice with no dinner,” Louis chuckled to keep it light. “Just come for a plate Cam, and go home right after. At least see us for a little bit.”

The 17-year-old didn’t say anything for a moment, and Louis hated he was even thinking about it and couldn’t just say “yes.”

“Fine.”

Louis let out a deep breath as Cameron hung up, feeling like his head was moving in a million different directions. “The twins will be here soon,” he smiled at his husband, not wanting him stressed.

Harry could see the minor worry though, and it was painful knowing two of his kids were heartbroken. He wasn’t able to focus on that long though, as he heard the front door open.

“Hey guys!!” Rosie screamed out before coming in a moment later with Declan behind her. “You haven’t started cooking yet?” She asked with furrowed eyebrows. “Do you need help? Al and I-”

“It’s fine, bug,” Louis chuckled, but he could see Harry internally panicking as he noticed nothing was started yet. “I called for pizza earlier. Should be here soon,” he winked at his husband and noticed the immediate relief.

All day Louis could see Harry stressing, since Cameron and Amira’s breakup really. Ordering food for the family was the least he could do to help.

“Perfect to pair with wine,” Rosie chuckled before grabbing a glass since Alexis was already passing her the bottle. “IVF didn’t work?” She asked her sister quietly.

“No,” Alexis breathed out.

“Well, here’s to wine,” Rosie offered her a small smile before clinking their glasses.

And Alexis was able to smile just the faintest back at her little sister.

“Guinness is out in the garage, mate,” Louis said to Declan.

“Love you, thank you!” The Irish lad yelled, already heading that way.

Louis rolled his eyes fondly, Harry seeming to be just as entertained as him. 

“Hey kiddo,” Rosie smiled as she saw Charlie come in. “Only child syndrome hit you yet?”

Charlie smiled and shrugged before taking a seat next to her dad at the breakfast bar. “I’m getting almost too much attention,” she joked, not used to always having her dads right there all the time.

“I’m personally loving all of the concerts,” Harry beamed, loving how their daughter would drag them to the music room right after dinner.

“How’s the new school? Settling in okay?” Alexis asked.

Charlie quickly nodded, her face lighting up. “It’s great! Don’t get me wrong, intimidating, but I love being in a music school.”

“And you should be proud you had to audition to get in,” Harry pointed out. “It’s a wonderful school love, and you deserve it.”

The 12-year-old looked at her pop bashfully, her dad seeming just as delighted. “Thank you for finding it for me and letting me go.”

“Anything for you miss Charlie,” Louis smiled at her. “You all know, anything for all of you,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, but Charlie is the baby, so there are no limits,” Alexis slightly smirked at her dad, knowing he clings to the idea of her staying little forever, so she gets a little extra spoiling.

Louis shrugged, there being no hiding that. His head perked up though as he heard the front door open, and he let out a visible sigh of relief as he heard two sets of footprints.

“Hey,” Rory tried to grin at them as he walked in, with Cameron slowly trailing behind him.

“Hey boys,” Louis tried to keep his voice light as he smiled back. “Settling into the new place okay?”

“Yeah, just gotta decorate,” Rory said happily. “Emerson promised to help so it doesn’t become an arcade.”

Louis could easily imagine his sons filling that place to the brim with different consoles and a few arcade games. “Cam? How does it feel, buddy?”

Cameron gave a half-committed shrug before heading towards the living room. “It’s fine,” he said as he walked out.

They all watched him leave, and Harry could feel the heaviness that surrounded Cameron.

“How’s he been?” He asked Rory quietly.

Rory bit his lip, trying to find the right words without making his parents freak out more than they already are. “He stays in his room… He’s been playing guitar and writing a lot.”

“Well, he’s writing, that’s good,” Louis was a little happy about that.

“I guess, but it’s sad… Like-... He had his heart broken,” was all Rory could say.

“Wait, what happened?” Alexis raised her eyebrows. 

“Amira broke up with him the night of his signing,” Harry mumbled, swearing as soon as he said it Alexis nearly crushed her wine glass in her hand.

“That’s fucked,” she pointed out angrily.

“Yeah, that’s pretty messed up,” Rosie added in.

Rory looked towards the living room through the doorway, his twin slumped into the couch with his head back and arms crossed over his chest. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere else, like he didn’t want to be present at all.

Cameron POV

“Hey,” Cody offered his brother a small smile. “How’re you doing, mate?”

“You’ve been here before, so you know,” Cameron breathed out, refusing to take his eyes off the ceiling as he laid back.

“Yeah, I do know… And it fucking sucks,” Cody said, that being just enough for Cameron to glance at him. “Seriously, talk to me.”

Cameron huffed as he shook his head. “Just leave it alone man,” he muttered, hating that even thinking about it brought a heavy compression to his chest.

“Don’t do what I did and shut down, Cam,” Cody knew there was a bit of pleading in his voice.

“And what do you want me to do?” Cameron scoffed. “Hope everything will be okay? Forget that while I’m supposed to celebrate making the pros, the most important thing is gone?”

Cody was stuck for a moment as his baby brother raised his eyebrows at him, close to furious. “I-... I want you to know that it’s okay to feel the way you do,” he could barely say. “But don’t let it rule you,” Cody said between then, “Please, just-... Know with every shitty situation comes an inctive.”

“An incentive to fucking what?” Cameron mumbled, with every word Cody said, he felt close to punching something.

“To learn,” Cody said softly, with how Cameron was looking was too familiar and breaking him. 

His brother was clearly exhausted, the bags under his eyes noticeable and the stone-hard glare on his face prominent.

“Dude, just leave me alone,” Cameron muttered and signed as he shook his head.

The curly-haired lad was unsure what to do or say as he saw Cameron so defeated and done with the world. He was heavily battling with himself about whether he should ask, but over the years, it’s become obvious this question was necessary sometimes.

“How uh-... Like, are you taking your meds?’ Cody bit his lip.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Cameron narrowed his eyes at him as he sat up.

“Just-”

“Just,” Cameron mocked and got up from the couch, “I’ve been here for five minutes, and this is the first conversation I walk into? Not ready for practice tomorrow? Are you excited to start your career? Or-”

“Cam,” Cody gently pulled him back to the couch. “I get it. It’s a touchy subject. But you can’t run away from it or pretend it isn’t happening.”

“I’m living in it every waking second,” Cameron nearly spat through his teeth and yanked his arm from his brother’s grip. “Is it so wrong of me to want to think of anything else?”

“No, it’s not,” Cody breathed out as he shook his head.

“Then leave me alone about it,” Cameron’s tone was still harsh as he stomped out of the room.

This is why he didn’t want to come over tonight. His brother would interrogate him, his dads would tell the rest of his siblings and all night, everyone would be walking on eggshells. It was a constant reminder his life got fucked up, and he didn’t want to keep being reminded of it.

“Give me the keys.”

“What?” Rory furrowed his eyebrows at his twin as he came into the kitchen. “We literally just got here.”

“Give me the car key-”

“You’re not driving,” Harry said sternly as he got between them. “Like your dad said, have dinner and then go,” he tried to calm down, knowing he immediately seemed panicked. “Just have a plate, please.”

Cameron looked between them all, his sisters, brother, and dads looking close to begging him. He had no energy, no will, and no desire to stay. But he’s stayed for them this long. What’s dinner?

“Fine,” Cameron muttered. “Please just-... No one talk to me,” he said before heading for the stairs to his old bedroom.

He could feel all of their eyes watching him as he walked out, but truthfully, he didn’t care. He was numb, monotone with everything because the slightest emotion, no matter what, was a lie. 

As Cameron closed the door to his old bedroom, the place now empty and bare, he had to stand and stare for a moment. He wanted to ground himself. He wanted to remember and feel the mass amount of laughter that once filled this room. 

Whether it was Rory and Cody blasting him with waterguns until he chased them to the pool or his sisters physically pinning him down as they forced a makeover on him. Even his dads held him, comforted him, and told him no matter what, they could always figure out life’s hardest hurdles together. 

The room was empty now. He felt empty and like everything that had happened meant nothing. What’s the point of love if it’s going to end? Everything ends. It has to.

Cameron shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and with the floor clear, he felt himself pacing. 

He hated it. From a single thought, he could feel his mind racing, and he knew none of it was good without knowing what his brain was telling him. The feeling consumed Cameron’s chest, the feeling of having no control. But he was too tired to stop it, too tired to fight and pretend everything would work out.

Cameron’s first thought when he saw Amira was, “what happens when she breaks my heart?” And it happened. But he never imagined himself a shell. Never imagined existing, not living. And even existing was taking too much energy at this point. 

Cameron was tired. He was done.

The 17-year-old sat on the floor, his eyes trained on the hardwood, and could feel himself slipping. Sometimes he forces himself to disassociate, and ninety percent of the time, he doesn’t have to force himself at all. This was one of those times his brain let him not feel, not to acknowledge the world. 

There’s no perception of time, it’s as if nothing is real. He’s disconnected from himself and the world, and this is becoming a place he’s too familiar with. And the more time he spends disconnected, the more he likes it. There’s nothing, and that's what Cameron wants.

He didn’t know how long he was out of it until he heard a knock at the door, the sharp noise making his head snap up and forcing him back online.

“Hey,” Rory peeked his head in and bit his lip. “Pizza is here.”

“Dad is begging me to have a good dinner for practice tomorrow, and we’re having pizza?”

Rory’s face fell as he saw Cameron close to scowling. “Well, he got our favorite, pepperoni. Plus, he made sure to get pasta salad,” he tried to smile at him, both being a comfort.

“Let’s just eat quick. I want to go home.”

Rory didn’t know what to say as he followed Cameron downstairs. Of course he knew as soon as they went home, his twin would lock himself in his room like he’s done since they’d moved in. He didn’t want Cameron alone. Even being a few doors down the hall scared Rory. But his brother wasn’t giving him another option.

There was nothing more Rory wanted to do than help. But Cameron looked at him, at everyone, like they were the enemy. And it made Rory feel like he was doing something wrong. It brought a sense of guilt, and he didn’t know how to fix it. So he promised Cameron they could leave as soon as they were done eating. Rory could hope that helped at least a little bit. 

He hadn’t invited Emerson to the new apartment yet or asked for them to come to dinner tonight because it was obviously hard for Cameron to see them together. Even though Rory saw Cameron struggling, there was the tiniest bit of resentment that his life got put on pause for the sake of his brother. Rory was trying, but it felt like nothing was the right answer when it came to Cameron. 

To say dinner was forced was an understatement. Rory could see and feel across the table there was some kind of weird energy. Cameron barely ate anything, and Rory noticed Cody was only picking at his food. But besides Cameron’s cold demeanor, Rory sensed a strange heaviness surrounding Cody and Alexis. They barely talked to each other. 

He hated it, every second of it. It broke Rory’s heart as he looked at his dads throughout the night, and at different times from the both of them saw the worry. The look was written all over their faces, it was pouring out of their eyes. And seeing his dads and siblings sinking, it was impossible not to feel like he was a little too.

Rory couldn’t let it be infectious, he had to keep his head up and keep on carrying on. He wanted to be someone who could carry them through all of this. So, as he and Cameron climbed in the car to go home, he tried to keep his mood light.

“Nice to see everyone, yeah?” He asked as he pulled onto the road.

Cameron shrugged, his stare focused on what was passing by outside. “The kids are growing quickly.”

“I know,” Rory huffed, thinking about their nieces and nephew. “Kinda crazy we’re uncles at 17 to four kids,” he joked.

“Think of Charlie,” Cameron smiled a little, the thought being wild to him. “Did you see Al was drinking wine tonight?”

Rory bit his lip as he nodded, him and Cody were talking about it while Cameron was upstairs. “He thinks the latest IVF didn’t work,” he said quietly. “I’m sure she’s exhausted and just-... Sad. Ya know?”

Cameron hummed, unable to imagine how much she and Hayden had put into trying for a baby for 4 years. Emotionally and physically. 

“I know seeing the twins doesn’t help at all,” Cameron muttered.

Rory shook his head as he let out a deep breath, keeping his eyes focused on the road. “Cody having them was like a double fucking whammy,” Rory said quietly. “Weird, we aren’t the only twins the family talks about now,” he tried to make it a little lighter.

Cameron laughed just the slightest. “Everyone says “the twins,” and we need to ask which ones,” he joked.

“Yeah. until dad becomes an ass and says, “One pair is 17, the others are 1. Figure it out.” Rory laughed, and hearing his brother laugh along with him, even if it was quiet, was like gold right now.

“Ready for practice tomorrow with him?”

“I’m not sure, honestly,” Rory chuckled nervously. “We both know how intense he gets, and lord knows he’ll push us harder than any of the other guys.”

Cameron nodded as he bit his lip, his gaze going to his lap as he fiddled with his fingers. 

“But don’t worry man,” Rory said, seeing him go into overthinking mode. “He just wants us to be our best.”

“Sure, but boundaries are pretty fucking important,” Cameron scoffed. “Pop essentially has me on tattle-tale duty if dad starts acting up.”

“Seriously?” Rory tried not to laugh, that being too entertaining, and at least Cameron was smiling a bit. “I’m excited for practice but nervous, of course,” he shrugged. “It’s something new, so being anxious is inevitable.”

Cameron glanced over at Rory, and his twin looked back at him right at the same time before offering him a small grin and focusing back on the road. He knows Rory always tries to remind him he’s not different. There are plenty of people who struggle with anxiety, but there was always that voice in Cameron’s head telling him no one knows his anxiety, how it feels to be him. It felt impossible to sympathize, but he appreciated his twin tries.

“So uh, you’ve been writing a lot,” Rory said before Cameron could get lost in his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Cameron breathed out. “Obviously a lot is on my mind.”

“Well, it sounds great through the door,” Rory chuckled as he turned down their street. “How many have you written? Like songs or just anything?”

Cameron was quiet for a second. With how much one subject could quickly overtake his mind was grueling. “I dunno. A lot.”

“Do I get a listen or peek at anything?” Rory was nervous to ask, but the worst he could do was say no.

“Why?” Cameron grumbled, the 2 minutes left to drive home felt close to painful. 

Rory shrugged as he slowed down just the slightest, trying to get a little more time. “Because even if you don’t want to say it, you can share it, and that way, at least one person knows how you’re feeling,” he said quietly. “Please, just-... Let me be your one person.”

Cameron felt his chest growing tight, unsure of what to say, so he didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride. And he knew Rory wanted to say more, but he appreciated his twin didn’t.

Once Rory parked, Cameron took his time getting out of the car. His eyes immediately went to the sky, and he recognized the darkness of it all too well. But one thing he loved about that darkness was the glistening moon that was bright and prominent. It was the only light, and he’s had his days, his weeks, where the moon was the only light. It was the only thing he could look forward to, and he knew it was always there. It was stupid, but he had to reach for the slightest bit of hope to go into the next day.

But looking at the shining moon tonight, he felt nothing. It’s the consistency of hope the moon gives him. And right now, he didn’t even have that. 

“Hey,” Rory snapped him out of his daze. “You coming?”

Cameron slightly cleared his throat, glancing at the moon, needing just one more chance to feel. But nothing.

“Yeah,” he muttered before following his twin inside.

Cameron was behind Rory as they made their way to their flat, up four floors in the lift and two doors down on the right.

He had to give it to their dads, they picked out a really nice building, and of course, it’s only a 10-minute drive away. Cameron was sure that was for his sake, but at least they have a place they could call their own.

“You haven’t had Emerson over yet,” Cameron said once they walked inside and kicked their shoes off.

“Uhm, no,” Rory shrugged before leading his brother into the living room. “Just thought we’d settle in first.”

“Well, we’re settled, and you never spend two days without seeing them,” Cameron pointed out, making Rory laugh bashfully. “Call them mate, have them over.”

Rory kept his eyes on him for a moment to make sure he was really okay with it. And when Cameron offered him a small smile, he knew he would be fine. 

“Alright, yeah,” Rory grinned back at him. “Thanks man. I’ll call them.”

Cameron nodded back at him before heading for his room. Some unpacking still needed to be done, but he’ll get to it eventually. They’ve been at their new place for two days, and he’s in no rush. 

But Cameron had the essentials set up, his gaming desktop that Declan built for him, his sketch desk was built, and different pencils were already strewn about. In another corner, he had his guitar and keyboard his dad got for him when he asked to learn to play so he could when Amira practiced violin. 

As the days wore on, seeing the instruments was becoming more painful. Cameron learned them for her. He wanted to show her that he loved her passion for music. He wanted to share it. And now he feels like he has this knowledge with no one to share it with. 

Cameron has gotten better at writing after he started therapy years ago. It was easier to put it on paper than to say. And now he has the power to write songs, to pour his heart out. He used to sing to his girlfriend all the time because he couldn’t say the words. And he still can’t, but he can write them.

He stared at his piano for only a moment before taking a seat and turning it on. He’s written too many songs since the breakup, but he was sure if he didn’t write it out, he would explode. And right now, he just had to get it out and release some of this energy. He had to distract himself as his brother continued living in his fairytale.

Cameron shuffled in his seat, his hands slowly and just barely shaking as he brought them up to play. 

But he closed his eyes, got his fingers in position, and without even playing anything yet, he was rocking back and forth.

A/N Bold Cameron Singing. This video shows the emotion of the song wonderfully (Click)-> An Evening I Will Not Forget

When love was found

I kept my hope just like I’d hoped to

Then sang to the sea for feelings deep blue

And coming down

He felt like he could barely get the words out, knowing his hands were trembling at this point.

And we’ve had problems that we’ve grown through

But I bet you dream of what you could do

Cameron kept his eyes closed, knowing if they opened, tears would slip. But he’s tired of crying. He let the piano cry for him.

At seventeen, I was alright

Was like nothin’ I could feel inside

And wishing you were here tonight is like holding on

But I still get to see your face, right?

And that’s like nothing they can take, right?

So there won’t be no feeling in the firelight, hoping this’ll be right

Time to show your worth, child

Cameron couldn’t open his eyes, but he had to sniffle, his fingers pressing the keys a little harder and his voice coming out louder.

I remember when her heart broke over stubborn shit

That’s no way to be living kid

The angel of death is ruthless

He felt like he’s seen it too many times. Death, how easily it attracts him, lours him in. He needs to force himself to remember the good days.

And I’m always thinking summertime with the bikes out

Pushing our luck, getting wiped out

Days with nothing but laughing loud

Underneath my coat, won’t you tap my shoulder, hold my hand

Nights were nothing but dark in there

You could be my armour then

Cameron was rocking back and forth, growing louder and squeezing his eyes shut with all his might as he played. Amira was like a guard for him, a guard against himself. And now she’s gone. He’s lost in the dark again.

Island smiles and cardigans

The nights that we've been drinking in

We're here to help you kill all of this hurt that you've been harboring

Cameron knew he was close to screaming, and maybe he was. But he felt every word, the hate, the resentment, the love behind it all.

Confessions should be better planned

Alone, that night, I'm surely damned

Run away, I'll understand

What's important is this evening, I will not forget

Purple, blue, orange, red

These colors of feeling

Give me love, I'll put my heart in it

And I think about it all the time

Lights went out, you were fine

You kinda struggle not to shine

He took a couple deep breaths, slowing his playing as he shook his head.

I still love you, though

I still love you, though

I still love you always

So hold me when I'm home

Keep the evenings long

Crack and break and part ways

Cameron knew his voice was cracking. Even with his eyes shut, he felt the gentle tears rolling down his cheeks. He loved Amira to his core. He made plans for a future, one he was genuinely excited to be a part of and experience. But she’s gone, and that future, maybe any future for him, is too.

I still love you, though

I still love you, though

I still love you always

So hold me when I'm home

Keep the evenings long

Let's not crack and break and part ways

And I wonder if I could let her down

Cameron was close to the edge, he was ready to plunge and be surrounded by the darkness that attracted him too much. You could hear the aching for it as he played, his fingers along the keys heavy and moving like he needed to be released.

It's for real, it's for real

It's for real, it's for real

Cameron shakily pulled away as he finished, finally letting his eyes open, but as soon as they did, a tsunami of tears escaped him. He quickly hid his face in his hands, within a second feeling too overwhelmed and like reality just punched him in the gut.

But he could barely start to sob before he felt a strong pair of arms around him.

“Rory-”

“Just let me fucking hug you,” Rory mumbled as his twin tried to push him off.

Cameron let out a few deep breaths as Rory only held onto him tighter and rubbed his back.

“You didn’t shut your door, and I’ll admit it, I listened,” Rory squeezed him. “I know you’re hurting, but don’t forget you have a fucking awesome brain.”

Cameron tried not to scoff as Rory pulled away from him. “The last thing I want is my brain. It comes up with too much bullshit.”

“It comes out as art,” Rory motioned to his piano, guitar, and sketch easel. “Use your tools and make magic. Maybe it’ll be enough to spark a little something in ya.”

He offered Cameron one more smile before heading out of the room, knowing that must’ve been a lot for his brother. Rory wanted to give some alone time. He had to imagine that after family dinner, he was aching for it. 

Rory headed for the living room, picking up the few things he found strewn about before Emerson came over. He was excited his partner could finally see their flat, plus Cameron didn’t punch him when he hugged him, so Rory felt like tonight was going pretty well.

When he heard a knock, the 17-year-old basically skipped down the hall and skidded in front of the door.

“Hi love!” Rory beamed before pulling Emerson inside.

“Rory,” Emerson laughed against him as their boyfriend kissed them. “I missed you too.”

“I missed you so much,” Rory groaned into their neck before squeezing the life out of them.

Emerson smiled at him, pecking his lips quickly before fully walking in and looking around. “This place looks nice, babe,” they were wide-eyed as they looked around the living room and peeked into the kitchen. “Louis and Harry did well. Hopefully, you and Cam can keep it clean,” they joked before wrapping their arms around Rory’s neck. “How’s he been?”

“Quiet,” Rory shrugged. “He just played this wild song he wrote though. Like- love, this song is so good, and he sounds great,” he almost couldn’t believe it.

“He played it for you?” Emerson couldn’t hide their surprise.

“Well, no,” Rory chuckled. “He left his door open, and I was snooping.”

“Of course,” Emerson rolled their eyes fondly before leaning down for a kiss. “Do what you do best and encourage,” 

Rory shrugged bashfully, his smile reaching his eyes. “I’ll try,” he said before giving them one more peck. “Like how I’m gonna try to come up with a new signature look for you.”

“Rory,” Emerson playfully groaned as their boyfriend dragged them down the hall. “Hi Cam!” They called out as they passed his room and saw him at his computer desk.

“Hey!” Cameron called back. “Welcome to your second home!”

Emerson laughed as Rory continued to pull them, clearly too eager to show them his room.

“Ta-da!” Rory rushed inside and immediately went to the corner of the room where a new and completely stocked make-up vanity was set up. 

“Ror…” Emerson gasped, their face immediately lighting up. “Babe, you didn’t have to do this!”

“If we’re getting you on RuPaul’s Drag Race, yes, I did,” Rory smirked at them. “We have everything we need and more to have fun with and experiment.”

Emerson was in shock, but this was their boyfriend. Rory is constantly supportive and encouraging and stops at no lengths to show he can help. 

“Well, I do have a show Friday, so we can test some looks out tonight,” they smiled at their boyfriend before taking a seat in front of the mirror. “What’s gonna happen when I get on RuPaul and can’t do my own make-up?” They teased.

Rory shrugged as he started digging through drawers to get what he wanted. “Tell them you’re used to your pro footie player boyfriend doing it for you,” he wiggled his eyebrows at them.

Emerson looked at him softly, trying not to burst with pride. “Do you know how proud I am of you? How much I have to strain myself not to brag about you?”

The blue-eyed lad felt his cheeks going pink, hiding his bashfulness as he picked out more make-up. “You encourage me, and I encourage you. That’s how dad and pop do it,” Rory laughed a little.

“Anything they say, I will listen to because, after 32 years, they have an amazing thing going,” Emerson laughed.

“Eh, they’re alright,” Rory said jokingly. “I love reminding them we’ve already been together 3 years, and we’re just 17. But no one can beat out Josh and Zaria.”

“No way in hell,” Emerson sat up and sat still as Rory began to do their make-up. “You cried like a baby at their wedding.”

“Hey,” Rory whined as he heard his partner teasing him. “Listen, I-” he pulled away, making Emerson look at him. “I imagined what our wedding would be like,” he muttered nervously. “Two young kids in love who made it,” Rory whispered as he knelt down to Emerson’s height and looked into their green eyes. “Growing up, I teased my dads, but I want that… Two people who fall in love young and vow to keep it because they know they have something precious.”

Emerson raised their eyebrows, almost a little too stunned to speak. “You really are your father’s son, you sap,” they laughed adoringly.

Rory shrugged, his smirk inevitable. “And you love me for it.”

“I really do,” Emerson hummed before silently asking for a kiss, and Rory was quick to oblige and give them a few more for good measure.

“Do you know when you’ll hear back about the competition?” Rory asked before starting to do their make-up again.

“Should be September or October,” Emerson nervously breathed out. “Ror, I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Of course you are,” Rory said almost sternly. “You come up with amazing designs and know how to sew, and your personality is off the charts. You could have your own show. RuPaul is just launching your career,” he winked at Emerson.

But Emerson wasn’t so convinced as they shook their head. 

“What’s making you nervous?” Rory furrowed his eyebrows.

“My make-up is the star of my drag, and I can’t do it,” Emerson huffed. “I might be able to sew a dress, but I won’t get past the first week if I can’t do my make-up.”

“Love, I’ll teach you,” Rory tried to calm them down. “And after I do the Drag Race finals will be calling your name.”

Emerson smiled, their boyfriend having too good of a heart and gift of lifting spirits up. “We’re doing it Ror, we’re kind of adulting,” they joked.

“Kinda,” Rory chuckled as he shrugged. 

“Nervous for practice tomorrow?”

“Eh, not terribly,” Rory said honestly. “I’m more worried about Cam. His game suffers when he’s like this.”

“Babe, he just got broken up with. Of course he’ll have a few drawbacks,” Emerson said quietly. “Think about it, they were together almost as long as us and-... And it would shatter me if something like that happened with you.”

Rory was quiet for a second, the same thought crossing his mind. He doesn’t know what he would do if Emerson broke up with him. He was sure it would feel like his world was crumbling, and there was no way to pick up the pieces. 

And Cameron feels deeply. Rory can’t blame his brother for his mood and hates that he’s going through this more than anything.

He spends a lot of time worrying about his twin, it’s impossible not to with Cameron’s history. But Rory tried to focus on his partner and show them how to do their eyes and shape their lips. 

Rory wanted to do anything and everything in case Emerson got picked for RuPaul’s Drag Race. It would change Emerson’s life, and this is something they’ve dreamed about since they were 14. 

Rory went into the kitchen a few times for drinks or went to the loo, and each time he peeked into Cameron’s room. He was grateful he kept the door open, but seeing his twin scribbling furiously in his notebook was disheartening. 

Rory figured he was writing, he was letting everything out. He could at least be happy Cameron was releasing it somehow. He made sure to say goodnight to his twin and reminded him not to stay up too late. But he should’ve expected the “don’t pop me,” reply he got from Cameron.

Rory brushed it off though, he had his partner in his room, and no one to tell him he couldn’t have the door closed. 

He shut the door a little dramatically, making it a point he could and getting Emerson to laugh before climbing on his bed with them.

This is what he’s been looking forward to, alone time with his favorite person. Having his own space is great, but it was the privacy with Emerson he was craving. They’ve slept together three times, and those three times were absolutely nerve-wracking because they were terrified of getting caught. 

Now that they had no worries about someone interrupting, they were both exponentially calmer, and with not needing to rush, Rory knew they could do this properly. Finally, he gets the true intimacy he’s been needing, and Cody not so subtly, gave him a box of condoms and lube as a housewarming gift. 

As embarrassed as Rory was when his big brother gave it to him, there was no hiding he was secretly appreciative. Even if he was a little energy-deprived at practice tomorrow, it was well worth it.

Chapter Text

Late July

Louis blew his whistle, gathering his team as he saw everyone was here for practice and warmed up. “Alright lads, we’re in for a fun day! Bring it in!” He waved them all over.

Of course, his primary focus was on where the twins were, and Rory came sprinting over while Cameron was at a light jog. Louis could already see how exhausted he was, and it was taking all of his control not to ask how late he stayed up.

“Okay, obviously, we have our two newest players joining us, the Tommo twins,” Louis gestured to his boys. The team immediately clapped and cheered, and he loved to see Rory and Cameron go a little red. “But just because my sons are here doesn’t mean I’m not gonna be an ass. Standards are still high, and I want the most you can give during practice and game time,” Louis looked at them all seriously. “We have a game in a week and a half, and I want you guys to show me you wanna play in it. We’ll be running first string against second, see where we are, and adjust as we go along.”

Louis looked at the twins, signing a quick you guys are second string, get white practice shirts. He saw Rory nod before taking off, but Louis was sure he saw Cameron gulp before following after him.

“I didn’t think we’d be doing a practice game our first day,” Cameron jogged after Rory.

“What’s the big deal?” Rory laughed as they grabbed white practice shirts to put on top of their jerseys.

“No, nothing,” Cameron muttered as he shook his head.

It’s been over a week since he and Amira broke up, and he swears he could count on both hands how many hours of sleep he’s gotten. It was cruel, as soon as midnight hit, his brain decided to bombard him with how he had no one to say goodnight to, and he spirals terribly.

“Listen, use this as an escape for a little, yeah? Let your mind focus on football for a bit,” Rory said softly before patting his shoulder and jogging towards the pitch.

Cameron wished it was that easy to switch his brain off, but he wasn’t so lucky. And it didn’t help that he could feel his dad’s eyes as he got onto the pitch and in position.

“20-minutes on the clock boys. We’ll be running a few of these!” Louis called out. “Coach Ed and I will be calling a few things out, ears and communication open!” He yelled before putting his whistle to his lips and blowing it to start the game.

His focus was quickly on the twins, as usual, Rory is always one of the first to sprint into action. But it was Cameron he wanted to see the aggression from. He wanted to see his boy do what he does best. But 3-minutes in, and his footwork was lazy. Rory had to bail him out a couple of times because Cameron lost track and let the ball get too close to the goal.

Seeing him got Louis jittery, and as much as he should’ve been watching his other players too, he couldn’t peel his eyes off Cameron. “Cam watch your feet! You’re sloppy!” Louis cupped his hand around his mouth.

Louis didn’t have to see to know his son rolled his eyes, he could feel it. And it pained Louis he couldn’t even make it a half-hour into practice before his husband’s words of being a dad first and a coach second were ringing in his ears. 

His frustrated pacing was noticeable, and Louis tried to watch his other players, but his eyes continuously went to Cameron, who was half-hazardly jogging around. 

Rory was doing great, Louis never has to worry about him. His boy has always been passionate, he’s always wanted to push himself. And right now, he was proving his worth.

“First match done!” Louis called out before he blew his whistle. “Water break, and we go again, new line-up!”

As they all hydrated, Louis switched a few people, Rory being one to go on first string as a full-back. And there was no missing Cameron’s shoulders slumping, but Louis was hoping maybe it would give him a kick in the butt. Plus, in one round, Rory was showing he wanted this.

Louis called out a few techniques for different players and had to strain himself not to say Cameron’s name too much. He had to remind himself to give his son a break, it was his first day, and Louis knew there was a lot going through his head.

He switched up the teams through practice, but Cameron stayed on second string while Rory stayed on first. Louis was loving watching them play against each other, but there was no denying there were moves Cameron should’ve gotten past his brother.

“Hey,” Louis went up to Cameron after he called the end of practice

“Hey coach,” Cameron breathed out as he wiped his sweaty forehead.

“I’m dad right now,” Louis said softly, making his son look at him. “You haven’t been sleeping.”

The 17-year-old bit his lip as he shrugged. “Not really, no.”

“So, are you not taking your meds?” Louis knows he takes them at night and needs them to sleep.

Cameron gulped nervously, trying to find his words. “Yeah, yeah, of course I am,” he tried to say convincingly. “Ya know, s’just been hard to stay asleep.”

“Well maybe talk to your doctor about it,” Louis suggested lightly. “And you have therapy tomorrow and Friday, right?”

“Yeah,” Cameron muttered, kind of hating that his parents were making him go twice a week again.

“Good,” Louis offered him a small smile. “Try to get some sleep tonight, alright mate?” He rubbed his back. “Good job today.”

Cameron chuckled as he shook his head. “Don’t be nice dad. I played like shit.”

“Keep trying buddy,” Louis said softy, “Keep your head up.”

Cameron stared at his dad for a second as he saw him offering him a hug. And he felt the smallest smile slip before letting his father engulf him and hugging him back.

“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but good things are gonna come,” Louis whispered to him. “I know it, Cam. Just give it a little time.”

The 17-year-old let out a deep breath as he barely nodded and let his dad go. “I’ll try to get some sleep.”

Louis gave him an encouraging smile. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, mate,” he said before heading off to say bye to Rory. “Great job today superstar,” Louis chuckled as he went up to him.

Rory smiled bashfully before taking a swig of water. “Thanks dad.”

“Keep it up, and we’ll see you on the pitch in the second half for our game,” Louis clapped his shoulder.

“What about Cam?”

Louis opened his mouth as he glanced at Cameron, trying to find his words. “He has a bit too much on his mind right now.”

Rory bit his lip as he nodded. All practice, his brother was off. He had really hoped for a little while Cameron could focus on something else.

“How’s he been mood-wise?” Louis asked quietly.

The blue-eyed boy shrugged. “Neutral. Existing.”

Louis let out a deep breath, hating that his son couldn’t see where he was, what he was doing and accomplishing. He’s a pro footie player at 17 for the best team in England. How could he not realize what he’s done to get here and not be proud?

“Keep an eye on him, yeah?” Louis said, earning a nod from Rory. “You guys all set for dinner?”

“Yeah, pop stocked up the fridge,” Rory chuckled, his father giving them enough food for two weeks.

“Of course,” Louis murmured fondly. “Make sure your brother eats. Text me later, alright?”

“Will do. Love you dad,” Rory said before hugging his father goodbye and meeting up with Cameron to leave.

Louis watched them walk off, and all he could hope was Cameron could get some rest. It was obvious he hadn’t been sleeping, and the fact that his meds weren’t helping him sleep was concerning to Louis. He wanted to believe Cameron would talk to his doctor about it, but getting his son to open up to anyone was painful.

Louis caught up with a few of his other players before getting in his car to head home. He knew Harry would immediately ask about Cameron as soon as he walked through the door. So, on the 20-minute drive home, he prepared himself for any worries his husband may have.

“I’m home!” Louis called out as he stepped inside the house and kicked his shoes off.

“Hey,” Harry came into the foyer breathlessly and in a rush. “How was he?”

“Look at me,” Louis placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders and steadied him as he looked into his eyes. “I need you to relax.”

“What?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

“You need to chill out, and breathe, and not think the world is ending.”

“So practice was good?” Harry was surprised.

Louis rolled his eyes, the younger man completely missing his point. “It was fine H. The boys did well,” he said before walking further into the home and to the kitchen. “Cam was a little tired, but that’s it.”

Hearing that Harry felt like he could relax for the first time all day. He didn’t need Louis being too hard on him or Cameron doubting himself even more.

“I hope he’s feeling a little bit better. Rory said he’s been writing a ton,” Harry said as he went to the fridge for beers for them.

“I just don’t want him stuck though,” Louis said, knowing his son he was probably writing more breakup songs than Taylor Swift. “Is it shitty of us to sit him down and kinda layout Amira just wasn’t the girl for him?”

Harry bit his lip as he thought about it. “I dunno, but I agree, someone should tell him… There were a few red flags, and he just seems blinded to them right now.”

Louis was running names through his brain, trying to come up with the right person. “Declan,” he snapped his fingers. “Dec can totally talk to him about this.”

“Lou, Cam snapped at Cody for even bringing her up. You don’t think he’ll go bananas on Declan? He’d make the poor guy cry,” Harry said before taking a sip of his drink.

“Dec has literally been in this exact position. You know he’ll say something different than the rest of us. And Cam listens to him about these things,” Louis pointed out.

Harry rubbed a hand over his face, feeling like his brain was a second from malfunctioning with all the worry he had. “Can-... Can you just hold me for a second?”

Louis’ face slightly fell as he went up to his husband and wrapped him in a strong hug. And Harry hugged him back just as tightly as he tucked his head into his neck.

“It’s alright,” Louis whispered as he rubbed his back and kissed his temple. “I know you’re desperate for the right answer, H… But there isn’t one.”

“It’s hard,” Harry said through a shaky breath. “Do you remember him as a baby? Always smiling, and giggling and- and he always asked Rory where his smile was,” he felt his tears welling up. “It’s so simple when you’re little, and he’s not little anymore.”

Louis looked to the floor as he nodded, thinking back to Cameron being the happiest of kids.  His smile is rare now. Since he was 13, it’s been a struggle. 

“Cam would ask where happy Rory was if he saw him crying,” his pained tone diminished Harry's small smile. “And now that beautifully sweet boy is breaking, and we can’t-”

“You keep saying we can’t. We can, H,” Louis stopped him. “We can be there for him, we can tell him we love him, and we’re proud of him. Don’t say can’t.”

Harry was quiet for a moment as he saw how seriously Louis was looking at him. He knew Louis was right, but just like with Cody, it didn’t feel like enough.

“We’ll call Dec and ask him to talk to Cam while they’re gaming or something. But you need to have a little faith that he’ll be alright,” Louis said before pulling Harry back into his chest. “We’ll figure it out, love.”

Harry let out a deep breath as he nodded against Louis’ shoulder. “We always do,” saying it out loud constantly reminded him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Louis said gently before kissing his cheek and rubbing his back. “There’s no one else I could do this with.”

“Do what?” Harry laughed a little.

“Life,” Louis smiled back at him before pressing their lips together.

And he loved how Harry tugged him even closer, his hand on the small of his back and the other combing through his hair. 

“With the kids growing, it’s gonna get harder,” Louis held onto him. “But you and I, we can do anything. So long as your hand is in mine, we can face any hurdle. You know that.”

Harry felt a gentle grin come over him as he looked into his eyes, the confidence behind them infectious. “You’re such a sap.”

“Even after 32 years, only for you,” Louis whispered before pecking his lips. “And I will be for the next 32 years.”

“Oh, so when you’re 80, you’re gonna leave me?” Harry teased him.

Louis shrugged with a small smirk. “You never know what can happen at the retirement home. Maybe I’ll pick up a nurse.”

“Do I at least get to watch?” Harry wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“Oooh kinky, H,” Louis smirked at him. “First, you like a little spanking in the bedroom, and now some voyeurism action?” He teased him before smacking his bum.

“Louis!” Harry was mortified and pushed his hand away.

“Stop, we have one kid here, and she’s in the basement. Get used to me groping you in more places throughout the house.”

Harry’s face was undoubtedly red, but he was smiling nonetheless. “Do you think we have a little time?”

Louis rolled his eyes fondly. As soon as Harry got a tap on his bum, he was too needy to go to their bedroom. “Well, Charlie won’t be upstairs until dinner, and it’s only 4.”

“Perfect,” Harry grabbed his husband’s hand before pulling him towards the stairs.

That gave them two hours, and it was truly a beautiful thing that this was something they could do regularly now. But even with the house almost empty, it was hard to find the energy to be intimate. There was too much worrying over the kids, and Harry fell into bed exhausted. Louis was right though. He needs to have faith that everything will be okay and not drain himself on something he can’t fix.

“I love seeing you eager Mr.Tomlinson,” Louis snickered as Harry closed their bedroom door, and the green-eyed lad immediately reached for his shirt. “Lay down. I’m taking your clothes off.”

Harry loved the immediate butterflies that erupted through his stomach as he got on the bed. Even after all these years, such few words from his husband can make his heart skip a beat.

“Look at you,” Louis muttered through a smile before climbing over him and easing down to connect their lips.

Harry quickly hummed against him, pressing on Louis’ back and urging him down. “Remember when we were 15 and 17 and spent literal hours kissing?” He chuckled, just like when they were young, Louis was stiff in his pants just from kissing.

“You’re hot, and you’ve always been hot,” Louis murmured before moving their lips together again. “Plus, we couldn’t have sex, and good we didn’t because we’d probably have 8 kids instead of 6.”

Harry let out a snort, nodding along. “I would’ve let it happen.”

“I know, you baby machine,” Louis laughed fondly before kissing him and letting his entire body weight rest on him. “Want me to put another baby in you?” He wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“We’re too old, Louis,” Harry smiled as he shook his head.

“Bullshit! I’m not even 50!”

Harry looked at him like “are you serious?”. “Lou, we have four grandkids. We aren’t having a baby.”

“One more? Just one?” Louis gave his best sad puppy dog face.

“No,” Harry said sternly, but he was still smiling. “I know it hurts, but Charlie is the baby.”

“She’s 12, hardly a baby,” Louis grumbled. “I want a real baby.”

“We’ll stick to being grandparents. Harley and Quinn are still babies. You’re in luck.”

Louis pouted. “You hate me.”

“I do,” Harry teasingly pouted back at him, making his husband scowl.

“Fine, I’m not gonna practice putting a baby in you.”

Harry’s face slightly fell. “Aw c’mon. You’re such a child.”

“I want my way, or no way,” Louis straddled his waist and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Louis, I’m not giving birth at 48. It’s not happening. But you are more than welcome to practice on me.”

Louis wanted to keep a straight face, but he was quickly smiling as his husband sat up to take his shirt off him. He loved teasing Harry about another baby. There was always a little part of him that ached for his husband to say yes, but Louis knew he wasn’t going to get his way. 

They’ve talked about him getting a vasectomy too many times, but they never pulled the trigger. Both of them, deep down, weren’t ready to officially ensure there would be no more babies. It was sad to think they wouldn’t have some crazy chance of Harry expecting again.

Their babies were grown now, and they knew it was time to move onto the next chapter. Parenting adults. And that was becoming a harder task than Louis had thought possible. 

“Did you think 32 years ago we would be here?” Louis asked quietly as he snuck his hand under Harry’s shirt and got him to lie down again. “6 kids, 4 grandkids?”

“I never imagined it at this age. But it was something I always wanted with you. An empire,” Harry laughed fondly. “We’ve had a wonderful life together.”

Louis looked at him softly. The boy he fell in love with when he was 17 was now 47. Those curls, green eyes, and dimples are still the same. If possible, Harry’s heart grew with every year they were together, and Louis loved the thought it was because of him, their family. 

“And it’ll only get better my love,” Louis whispered through a soft smile. 

As the older man kissed him, Harry could feel the hope and faith his husband was passing to him. Harry had to believe it.

Cameron POV

Cameron nibbled on his bottom lip as his eyes focused on the screen. His fingers were moving in a flash, and it was moments like this when gaming where he was truly grateful for the fast system Declan built him.

And speaking of the devil, Cameron saw the Irish lad’s name on the screen and asked to chat.

“Hey,” he said into his microphone once he connected them and added Declan to the game.

“Hey buddy,” Declan immediately jumped in and started helping Cameron kill the army he was going after. “It’s late.”

“You’re up.”

“Two guys with insomnia, I don’t expect anything less,” Declan’s chuckle came over the headset. “How was practice today?”

“Alright,” Cameron muttered, his focus still on the game. “I got stuck on the second string team, and Ror got on first string after one match.”

Declan was quiet for a second as he let out a small breath. “Don’t let that get you down, man. You have a lot of shit going on right now. Make tomorrow a better day.”

Cameron glanced out his window, and the thought of the sun rising and a new day starting was painful. “I’m tired man…”

“I know you are, buddy…” Declan said quietly. After getting a call from Louis and Harry after dinner, he knew Cameron had to talk to someone. “What’s going through your head?”

The blue-eyed lad didn’t really know how to answer that question. There was too much. But Declan was the one person who understood.

“I miss having someone to talk to… Who knows me,” Cameron could barely get the words out.

“I hear ya man,” Declan said softly. “Going from talking to someone all day and every day and then having no one to say goodnight to can fuck you up.”

And it was that. No one was craving to hear from him, no one was looking forward to it. And that broke Cameron.

“Don’t think you don’t have anyone though Cam,” Declan said as he followed after him in the game. “I know you want someone to share your heart with. That’s what it is,” he reminded him. “But you can’t drown yourself… You gotta think maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe she wasn’t the one for you.”

“Dec c’mon,” Cameron breathed out as he shook his head. “I could see it, our future. It was her.”

“You thought it was,” Declan was trying to be delicate with his words. “You created a fantasy, and she didn’t want to live in it with you. Why would you hang onto a girl who doesn’t share what you want? She didn’t even try, man.”

“Dude, what the fuck?” Cameron paused the game and sat up in his chair. 

“Someone had to say it, Cam,” Declan had to gather all of his courage. “You offered her everything you could, and she didn’t want it. You deserve a girl who would sprint to you, even if they were in New York.”

Cameron opened his mouth, his chest filling with rage, but his eyes were clouded. “I really did try… I-” he ran a frustrated hand over his face. “I just wasn’t enough to fight for, I guess.”

“And I’m sorry it didn’t work, Cam,” Declan said honestly, his tone soft. “She just wasn’t the girl for you. You deserve to be fought for.”

The blue-eyed lad didn’t know what to say. All he could feel was more tears forming as his chest grew tight. It was hard to swallow; the girl he loved, his first love, wanted nothing to do with him. She didn’t want a future or to even try to make them work. And it was the fact that she could walk away like the past 3 years were nothing. To Cameron, they were everything. They were the reason for his smile. And now, what did he have?”

“Dude, I need to feel anything,” Cameron bit his lip as he willed his tears back. “I can’t keep fucking doing this.”

“In time, you’ll feel, mate… Give it time,” Declan said gently. “Remember, I was right where you were… Things can change. Like getting a smokin’ hot girlfriend you don’t deserve.”

Cameron rolled his eyes, smiling just the slightest. “Don’t say my sister is hot.”

Declan chuckled and continued playing as Cameron started the game again. “I’m a lucky man, and one day you’ll feel it too. Have faith, buddy.”

The thought of feeling lucky was comical to Cameron, but he did have to keep it in mind. Declan was stuck in the trenches and he got pulled out. Maybe he will too. But it was finding the hand to help him that scared Cameron.

August

“Are you excited?!” Rory tugged on Cameron’s arm, pulling him towards the bar’s door.

“I guess,” Cameron breathed out and followed him inside. “I don’t really know what to expect.”

“Glitz, glamour, and a whole lot of singing,” Rory wiggled his eyebrows at him. “Drag shows are fun man, and Emerson is really happy you’re here tonight.”

“Where are they?” Cameron looked around the crowded bar.

“In the back getting ready,” Rory said before leading his brother to the bar and finding him a seat. “I’m gonna go in the back and check on the make-up situation. Are you cool here for a little while?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Cameron almost immediately grew anxious, not knowing he’d be left alone.

“I’ll be right back, mate. Don’t worry, we’ll watch the show together,” Rory pat his back before heading backstage to find Emerson.

Cameron watched him leave, and he was sure he was ready to panic. It was the stupid stuff he got worried about, like what does he do with his hands? He doesn’t know how to sit at a bar or talk to strangers. But he did know he should probably get a drink and not look like a weirdo who was alone with nothing in front of them.

“Uh, hey,” Cameron caught the bartender’s attention. “Can I get a coke?”

He nodded back at him, Cameron looking around and trying to dull out the loud music and talking. He was taking the scene in; he had never gone to one of Emerson’s shows since they started performing drag last year. But Rory begged him to come tonight, and truth be told, he knew he had to get out of the flat. If he wasn’t at practice, he was in his room, and even at this point, he acknowledged he had to get out for a little.

Cameron felt awkward alone at the bar, though. He felt himself constantly shifting in his seat, and it’s not like anyone was texting him, so he didn’t have a real reason to look at his phone. Maybe Cameron had to get used to third-wheeling and being alone. He didn’t realize how nerve-wracking this would be.

“You look like you’re impatiently waiting for someone.”

Cameron turned his head as he heard a soft snicker, his face immediately going red hot as he saw a pretty blonde girl laughing at him. “Oh uh, no. I uhm- I’m here with my brother. He’s backstage with his partner.”

She hummed, her smile growing just a little as she sat next to him and set her drink down. “I’m guessing you’ve never been to a gay bar before. You look like a deer caught in headlights.”

The blue-eyed lad actually found himself laughing a little, his nerves only picking up as she sat rather close to him. “It’s my first time here. I came to see the show.”

“Your first time here, and your brother left you to the wolves?” She joked.

Cameron shrugged, smiling a little as he felt a small spark in his gut. “I can’t really complain. You’re here now,” his grin grew as he saw her brush hair out of her face and blush. “What’s your name?”

“Cassie,” she smiled bashfully as she offered him her hand. 

“Cameron,” he was getting a little confident as he gently shook her hand. “Are you here with anyone?”

“My best friend is performing. Her stage name is Sapphire Design,” Cassie said dramatically, getting Cameron to laugh.

“My brother’s partner is Empress Electra,” he chuckled before sipping his drink. “I’ve heard a few things about Sapphire. Are you as- I dunno, as outgoing as her?” Cameron slightly joked.

Cassie raised her eyebrows. “Do you mean eccentric and over the top?” She asked, making him freeze. “Yes, I am.”

Cameron felt like he could breathe, for a second thinking he had said the wrong thing. “I should be careful around you then, huh?” He teased.

“Take that as your warning,” Cassie smirked back at him.

The blue-eyed lad couldn’t believe this was happening. He was actually feeling a little something in his gut and was interested and curious about where this could go. 

Cassie was pretty, there was no denying that. Cameron couldn’t help it, he was a 17-year-old and was genuinely attracted to her. He had to shoot his shot. He had to chase whatever feeling he could get.

“I gotta ask, are you single?” Cameron sat up a little straighter and turned himself on his bar stool to face her.

“Why? Are you interested?”

Cameron swears he could feel his breath fall short, but he was feeling good, and his smirk proved it. “I could be.”

“Mr.play-it-cool,” Cassie smiled back at him. “We could have some fun tonight.”

At that, Cameron furrowed his eyebrows. His brain immediately went to sleeping with her, and it was so sudden. The way she was looking at him close to hungrily and how she was flirting with him, Cameron was picking up the silent message.

The thought made his gut twist into knots. He and Amira had slept together at least once a month after he turned 17. Her parents went out for date night, and she was an only child. It was easy to tell his dads he was going to Amira’s to study, and they had the house to themselves for a few hours. 

But having sex with someone else never crossed his mind. He thought it would be her forever. But looking at Cassie and seeing her obvious interest made Cameron curious. What else is out there?

“Do you know when the show starts?” Cameron asked.

“About 10 minutes. You eager?” Cassie chuckled.

Cameron shrugged nonchalantly and smirked. “You’ve got my attention, and I wanna keep it on you for a bit.”

“Ooh bold and smooth,” she looked him up and down, her wantingly eyeing him. “This may be the first time I leave a show early.”

Cameron had to stop his jaw from falling to the floor, his brain lighting up, and it wasn't bad for the first time in weeks. “If that’s an invitation, then the answer is yes,” he tried to keep himself together and come off confident.

And apparently, he did. Within a second, her hands were cupping his cheeks, and he was surprised feeling her lips press to his.

It was different. This is the second girl he’s kissed, and he isn’t used to it. This girl came out of nowhere, and now he’s kissing her. The thought sent a charge through his stomach, and he couldn’t help the relieved sigh as he was finally feeling something.

“Cam what the-”

Cameron abruptly pulled away from her, swallowing thickly as he saw Rory looking at him, shocked. “U-uh yeah, uhm-” he didn’t know what to say as his brother stared at him. “Rory, this is Cassie, and uhm, Cassie, this is my twin,” Cameron introduced awkwardly.

“Yeah, hey,” Rory slightly waved. “You. Over here. Now,” he tried to keep the sternness from his voice as he motioned for Cameron to follow him.

Cameron tried to hide he was mortified as he walked away from Cassie and to the corner of the bar.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing? We’ve been here 20 minutes, and you’re snogging some random chick at the bar?” Rory raised his eyebrows at him.

“Lay off Ror,” Cameron huffed as he rubbed a hand over his face. “It means nothing, so-”

“Exactly, it means nothing, so why are you wasting your time?” 

“So I can feel something, anything,” Cameron muttered back angrily. “Will you let me fucking do that?”

Rory’s face fell as he let out a deep breath and shook his head. “Listen man, I know about Cassie. She’s not the type of girl you want to bring home to dad and pop.”

“Who said I was planning to?”

Rory furrowed his eyebrows as Cameron started to walk away, but he quickly grabbed his shoulder to stop him. “Dude…” He made his twin look at him. “This isn’t you.”

Cameron took Rory’s hand off him before shrugging. “I’m still trying to figure me out.”

Rory didn’t know what to do as his twin made his way back over to Cassie. He was smiling at her and put his hand on her thigh. Rory could see past it though. He could see his brother’s intentions. Cameron wanted to feel wanted. And Rory knew Cassie would give him that. But just for a night.

Watching him sent a pain through Rory’s chest. He couldn’t stand there long before rushing backstage to find Emerson.

“Hey, how’s the crowd?” Emerson asked as they put on the last of their lipstick in the mirror.

But as they looked at the mirror, they saw Rory in the reflection, close to crying.

“Babe?” Emerson asked worriedly as they turned around to face him. “Love, what’s wrong?”

Rory opened and closed his mouth, his brain struggling to find words. “Cameron was kissing Cassie at the bar.”

“What?” Emerson couldn’t believe it. “Sapphire’s Cassie?” Their eyes grew wide as Rory nodded. “Babe, no. She’ll break his heart even more. She-”

“I know what she does, and Cameron does too, apparently. He doesn’t care,” Rory muttered.

“Stop him,” Emerson said almost firmly. 

“Babe, if I try, he’ll probably hit me, and then you have two pro footie players going at it in a gay bar on drag night. That’s a fucking headline,” Rory was just as upset, but he knew the repercussions of trying to stop Cameron.

Emerson let out a frustrated breath. “He can’t do this to himself. It won’t help.”

“You think I don’t know that? He’s my twin,” Rory said with a touch of sharpness to his tone.

Emerson looked at their boyfriend softly before carefully wrapping their arms around him. “You’re scared, I know,” they whispered to Rory and pulled him closer as he rested his head on their shoulder. “Just keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t leave.”

“Okay,” Rory breathed out, that being his best option. “Good luck tonight. Even if I’m on guard duty, I’ll be screaming for you,” he said as he stood on his toes to connect their lips.

“Thank you. I love you,” Emerson smiled and kissed him one more time.

“Love you too,” Rory winked at them before heading back out to the bar.

He had to squeeze through bodies and try to peer over a few heads to see where Cameron was sitting. But his heart dropped into his stomach as he saw the two seats empty.

“Fuck, fuck,” Rory muttered as he frantically pulled out his phone and dialed Cameron’s number.

The line rang over and over. And when he was told to leave a message, he quickly called again. The ringing was torturous, and as it continued, Rory bounced on his heels and searched the crowd.

Again, it went to voicemail. Rory tried again, but the line didn’t even ring this time. Cameron turned his phone off.

As a last resort, Rory nearly sprinted outside, running through the parking lot and looking all over for Cameron. No luck though. His twin was gone with Cassie, and Rory knew he wasn’t going to hear from him all night.

The Next Morning

Rory peeked at the door like he did all night. He ended up sleeping on the couch, staying up as late as he could for when Cameron came home. As Rory saw the time passing, it grew more painful not knowing what his brother was doing.

But after grabbing cereal for breakfast and bringing it to the couch, he finally heard the lock click. His entire body perked up, and his eyes focused on the door.

As soon as Cameron stepped in, he brought a heaviness with him. And Rory saw just how tired he was, him in his clothes from the night before and the bags under his eyes prominent.

“Was it worth it?” Rory asked as his twin started to leave the room without saying anything.

“Yes, and I used a condom, so leave it alone and don’t ask anything else.”

Rory was stunned at his angered tone, Cameron nearly stomping towards his bedroom. It took his brain a moment to process, but once he did, he put his bowl down and followed after him.

“Cam,” Rory stopped his brother before he could slam his door shut. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Get out Rory. I need to sleep before practice,” Cameron started tugging his clothes off.

“Oh, yeah. Dad will love his new signed player is too tired to practice because he was busy having a one-night stand-”

“Rory get out!” Cameron suddenly screamed. “Just fucking leave me alone!”

“What the fuck dude?” Rory narrowed his eyes at him. “So this is it? This is the feeling you were after? You had some great fucking high because a pretty girl flashed her eyes at you and-”

“Fuck you-”

“And is this your crash!” Rory yelled, seeing anger seeping out of Cameron. “You get to feel great for a few fucking hours, and is that worth this?!”

“At least it’s something!!” Cameron screamed at the top of his lungs. “Now get the fuck out!”

Rory stumbled back as his twin shoved his chest and forced him out of the room before slamming the door shut. He was too shocked to do anything, completely taken aback by how Cameron was acting. It was obvious he had no problem self-destructing. 

He was chasing a feeling, anything at this point. Even if it was hurt, or rage, or a few hours of attention. And it killed Rory to see his twin aching for even the bad. He didn’t know Cameron was so empty that he thought one-night stands could fill the void. 

They were taught better and raised better than that. As much as Rory wanted to remind Cameron of that, he felt it would do no good at this point.

Chapter Text

Late August

"You okay?" Harry asked Cameron gently as he leaned over in his seat so only he could hear.

Cameron had his eyes set on the pitch, his arms crossed over his chest, and he tried not to scowl as he saw Rory warming up for the game. "M'fine."

"Cam," Harry knew it wasn't true. "It's okay to tell me how you feel."

"I'm not good enough, and dad had so much pity he made you sit in this section, thinking it would make me feel better."

Harry was a bit taken aback, his mouth open but nothing coming out as his son raised his eyebrows at him.

"Happy you asked?" Cameron said with a sarcastic smile.

The curly-haired lad slightly cleared his throat, unsure of what to do as he saw the 17-year-old undoubtedly miserable. "Are uhm-... Like, do you not want me to sit with you?"

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to," Cameron mumbled as he slumped in his seat and looked back down to the pitch.

Harry felt his heart shatter at those words. "Cameron..." He could barely say. "I know you're hurt, but please don't hurt me too."

The blue-eyed lad didn't move or make a sound, his eyes staying on his team. He was tired, and truth be told, he didn't care. As easily as he could hear the pain in his pop's voice, his demeanor didn't change.

Harry was battling with himself. He wanted to stay with Cameron and talk to him, but it was clear his son wanted nothing to do with him and that's why he asked to sit in the player's section and not with the family. Harry wanted to fight for him though. He wanted to show Cameron he could try to push him away as much as he wanted, but it wouldn't work.

"Cameron, I love you," Harry said with nothing but honesty.

He was aching to hear his son say it back. Harry knows it's been weeks since he's heard those words from him. But it was clear as he stayed quiet that today wouldn't be his lucky day.

"I love you on your good, mean, and dark days," he said quietly. "How can I help you?"

Cameron shook his head as he looked at his lap.

Harry kept his eyes on him, seeing his son this emotionally checked out hurt him from the inside out. "Rory said he's been having a hard time talking to you. I know things are a little tense right now between you guys."

And Cameron still stayed quiet. At least he knew his brother hadn't told their dads about the previous Friday night at Emerson's show. Or last night when he met a different girl. Cameron knew he would've gotten a talking-to already.

"I get it if you're upset about him playing and not you, but-"

"Pop," Cameron snapped at him quietly. "Stop talking."

"It's you not talking that's hurting you," Harry tried not to sound frustrated. "You haven't been going to therapy."

Cameron froze. Even with the quick glance he made at his pop, he knew he was slightly angry. "I have been going. Two times a week like you and dad-"

"No, Cameron, you haven't." Harry hated that he was lying. "Your therapist called us yesterday after you missed over a month of appointments," he was upset but, more than anything, terrified. "You need to let everything out."

Cameron didn't know what to do as he was caught red-handed. He stopped going to appointments two weeks after he and Amira broke up. He was crying too much and felt like nothing was working. He's stuck.

"I've been writing. I am letting it out."

"Cam, talking to yourself doesn't help, and I bet you're sick of hearing the same thing over and over," Harry tried to calm down. "I'm happy you're writing love, but you feel deeply, and right now, it's hurting you... You need help sorting out all of your emotions because I know it's too much for you."

The 17-year-old furrowed his eyebrows as his father was close to pleading with him. But it was strange. His pop talked like he'd said this before.

"Who did you help?"

"What?" Harry was confused by the question.

"Who have you said that to before?"

Harry's face fell slightly, his eyes quickly going to the pitch and finding his husband. And when he looked back at Cameron, it was like a time machine. "Your dad has needed help," Harry said quietly. "And you are your father's son," he had the smallest of smiles. "Stubborn, strong-willed, and sappy," he needed to remind him and loved the faintest of grins from Cameron. "I was there for him, and I'm here for you. I had to kick him in the arse to go to therapy, but he came out so much more powerful."

Cameron bit his lip. For a moment, his chest grew the slightest warmth, but his brain was telling him it wouldn't work. It hasn't worked. He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was this constant battle he was sick of having.

"I'll call Dr.McGregor tomorrow," Cameron muttered.

Even if Cameron wasn't looking at him, Harry was smiling a little.

That was like music to Harry's ears, and he had to strain himself not to tackle him in a hug. "I know it can get uncomfortable, mate. But it's important to process your thoughts and have someone help you do it."

Cameron nodded just as the 5-minute warning start buzzer went off. His eyes quickly went to the pitch, and too easily he found Rory.

His twin was sprinting towards the stands, and Cameron could already see Emerson standing and waving at their boyfriend excitedly.

This is the first game in years where he didn't have someone to wave to, no one who chose to love him. In a single moment, Cameron saw everything his twin had and what he didn't. He should have that, he desperately craves the support.

Rory is identical to him. They grew up the same and looked the exact same.

Where did he go wrong? Why him?

Cody's POV

"Oh! Thank God we made it," Cody said a bit breathlessly as he rushed to the aisle where his siblings were with the twins on his hips and TJ and Amelia still jogging behind him.

"Got your hands full, huh?" Rosie teased him as he walked past her to get to the free seats. "You nearly missed kick-off."

"I know, don't tell Ror," Cody was still trying to catch his breath.

But he paused for a moment as he saw the empty seats next to Alexis. Just the thought of wondering if she wanted to sit near him hurt.

"Hey," she offered him a small smile before her eyes went to Quinn, who was reaching for her. "Oh, hello peanut," Alexis chuckled as she took her from Cody and settled the 1-year-old on her lap.

"Uhm, hey, yeah, hi," Cody said, sitting beside her before getting Harley comfortable. He bit his lip as TJ and Amelia sat and stole glances at his sister as she cooed at Quinn."How uh, how have you been feeling?"

Alexis looked at her baby brother softly, seeing the clear nervousness behind his eyes. "Isn't it remarkable we made it 26 years without one of us not speaking to the other?" She tried to joke to lighten the mood a little bit, and she was relieved to see Cody's smile. "I'm sorry I've been a bitch, she signed the last word, not wanting any little ears to hear. "Especially this past month."

You were hurt, and I was scared, Cody kept to singing, this obviously a serious talk. It's not like I was checking in on you. You can't blame yourself.

You know I love you, right? And I'm really fucking proud and happy for you, Alexis grinned at him, and it only grew as she heard his bashful chuckle.

I love you too. Cody's dimples appeared before he gave his big sister the best one-armed hug he could while sitting down. I didn't know how to say I'm sorry... I know how hard it's been for you.

Well, we're taking a break and are going to try to live our lives normally for the first time in 4 years, Alexis grinned a bit as she looked at her son and husband on the other side of her.

Ben was pointing to his uncle Rory on the pitch as they got ready to start, and Hayden was smiling just as wide as the 6-year-old. Alexis could watch them all night, and some nights she has. They have a bond that reminds her too much of her dad and Cody. Partners in crime and constantly eager to tease one another. She needed to focus on them and not let her mind be baby-centered.

A moment later, the buzzer went off to start the game, and Cody was the first one out of his seat screaming. Luckily, the kids had their headphones because the green-eyed man was sure he lost his voice with that one yell.

"C'mon Ror! Let's go!!" Cody cupped his hand around his mouth as he jumped.

Harley wasn't so pleased with the constant movement and quickly began whimpering. But with his family screaming and the roar of the stadium, Cody couldn't hear her.

Hey buddy, Alexis waved her in front of Cody's face, making him stop jumping and screaming. Pass me Harley before she gets whiplash, she laughed before opening her free arm.

Cody raised his eyebrows at her, Alexis already had Quinn. Can you handle both of them?

Alexis rolled her eyes at him. We have twin brothers. Also, if you can do it, I know I can, she slightly smirked.

"Anything you can do, I can do better," Cody horribly sang teasingly before passing Harley to his sister.

Once Alexis had them, she sat down and focused on them. Of course, she picked her head up every few minutes to catch the game, and with Cody's arms free, he was a screaming maniac.

Rory's POV

Rory tried to catch his breath as the ball was on the other side of the pitch with their offenders trying to make a move.

His heart felt like it was vibrating, not even 10 minutes into the game, and he was sweating profusely. The heat and sun were horrible, and already he was desperate for water.

Rory needed to remind himself of what his dad always says, "don't overexert yourself too quickly." And the blue-eyed lad knew he was doing just that. He wanted to make a statement. He wanted to show the world their dad didn't sign them just because they're family.

Rory easily pushed those thoughts out of his head. He knew his worth, and he knew Cameron's. Even though practice hasn't been great for his brother, and Rory knows he's a little bitter about not playing, Rory has confidence in himself. No one could take his game away from him. He knew he was great at what he does.

And with a slight pep talk to himself, his eyes narrowed in on the ball, and he kept a focused stare as it started heading his way.

The crowd grew louder as the opposing team got closer to their goal, but Rory knew this player, Dias. He's watched too many videos of strategies from various offensive players, and Cameron also taught him a lot. Even if Dias was one of the best in the Premier League, Rory was ready to go after him.

With how Dias moved the ball, Rory instantly knew what he wanted to do.

Rory started to run up on him, getting close enough to make him panic about what to do and where to go. The 17-year-old stayed light on his feet, and with one swift movement as Dias tried to toe the ball back behind himself, Rory tapped it further back and made Dias stumble before Rory ran off with the ball.

Cameron taught him that trick.

The roar of the crowd was deafening, and even if Rory was slightly out of breath as he jogged with the ball and looked for someone open, he was grinning from ear to ear. It was the noise that drove him, that made him want to do more.

Rory got the ball to offense and jogged back to his position. And as he ran, he saw his dad on the sidelines, pumping his fist in the air and screaming his head off. It was obvious how proud he was, and again, it was something that drove Rory's confidence.

But then his gaze shifted to the player's section. He saw Cameron sitting with his pop. His twin was too far for him to really see him, and it was hard not to wonder how he was doing with not playing.

Rory couldn't pull himself that way right now though. He was in the middle of a game, his first game as a pro player, and it wasn't the time to worry about Cameron. His focus had to be on the pitch.

Time felt like it was flying by, and Manchester was putting up a good fight, but Rory definitely had a few close calls. When half-time rolled around, the score was still 0-0, and he was more than ready for a break.

"Fuck yeah, kid!!" Louis screamed before lunging for his son as he walked to the sidelines.

"Dad," Rory grunted through a laugh but still hugged his father back.

"You are absolutely killing it! You got Dias shaking a bit!" Louis was beaming.

"Yeah, but it's still 0-0 and-"

"And you made sure of that! That's why I signed ya!" Louis practically jumped where he was before crushing his son in another hug. "Think ya got enough in ya for second-half?"

Rory's eyebrows shot up. "I thought you were gonna put in Shaw?" He was stunned, Shaw being their star left-back for over a year.

"Mate, if you have the energy, keep going. Keep challenging yourself and make a fuckin' name for yourself on your first game!"

The 17-year-old let out a surprised chuckle before looking at the pitch. He was tired, but how do you get better without pushing yourself?

"I can do it," Rory smiled and nodded as if he was talking to himself.

"Atta boy," Louis clapped him on the back. "Head to the locker room, stretch, hydrate. M'gonna go see your dad and Cam. I'll be in for our meeting in 5 minutes."

Rory nodded, a little too eager to relax for a moment.

Louis watched him walk off, and just looking at his son, he couldn't be more proud. The smile he had felt permanent on his face. Well, that was until he got to where Harry and Cameron were sitting and saw the scowl the 17-year-old had.

"Hey," Louis offered him a small grin as he walked in front of them in the aisle below the two. "Good game so far, yeah?"

"Yeah, your star is doing wonderfully."

"Don't," Louis said with a touch of firmness. "He's worked hard, and don't forget he's your teammate and also your brother. Have some support."

"And I didn't work hard?" Cameron slightly sat up from his chair.

"You come to practice exhausted, your footwork is messy, your focus is nowhere, and you don't trust your team," Louis tried not to sound frustrated, but he was. "How can I put you in when-"

"Louis," Harry gently warned.

It took all of Louis' power to bite his tongue, the dad and coach in him furiously fighting one another.

"I need you to show your team you're present," he said much softer. "You'd be surprised mate... During my first year as a pro, I made another family. Austin, Marcus and-... And Joey," Louis let out a deep breath to calm himself down. "You'd be surprised by who lends a helping hand up."

Cameron was quiet for a moment, feeling the pleading eyes his dad was sending him. "Heard, coach," he muttered.

It wasn't that he didn't trust the team, he just didn't know them all that well or the way they played. He's not used to the dynamic, and change is a lot harder for him than Rory. His twin gets along with everyone, and Cameron is definitely more on the quiet side. He's only talked with one other player, Mata, and it's only ever about video games. The older man is an offender as well, and one of the best in the league. Cameron wanted to soak up a little knowledge, but getting comfortable took him a while.

"Don't think you aren't making strides, Cam, you are," Louis assured him. "Work hard, and then you'll get the chance to play hard."

He couldn't ask for anything more than the head nod he got from his son. Louis knows Cameron's capabilities and has seen how beautifully he plays the game. He had to instill in him the confidence his boy once had.

"Is Rory playing in the second half?" Harry asked.

"He's playing until I see that hand going up that he's tapped out," Louis chuckled.

Harry gave him a knowing look. "Don't push him too hard, Lou. It's his first game."

"I asked, and he wants to," Louis didn't need him worrying. "Trust me, I'll see when he gets tired and pull him out. I paid too much for that kid for him to hurt himself," he tried to joke.

And it did get Harry smiling a little. "Go talk to your team, coach. I wanna see a point on that scoreboard."

"Will do. Love you," Louis said before standing on his toes and leaning forward to connect their lips.

"I love you too," Harry mumbled against him and gave him a few more pecks.

Louis sent the two of them one more smile before heading off to the locker rooms. He had a plan he wanted to go through with, and if it worked, it would give them the win. But he did need to keep an eye on Rory. He couldn't push his son too hard or put too much pressure on him.

Louis met up with the team and told them the maneuvers he thought would allow them to score. And when it came time to get on the pitch, he saw his team determined and hungry. It was exactly what he needed from them to get the win.

This is what he's always looking for, for the team to feed off each other's energy. And Rory brought a tremendous amount. He's always been a go-getter and eager for a win, no matter what.

It was hard for Louis to watch the team play and not see Cameron out there. But the coach in him knew the energy Cameron had right now would do nothing but hurt the dynamic. It pained him as a dad, but he had to do what was best as a coach.

Louis was bouncing on his heels the closer the clock chimed down, with no one scoring. A few times, he had to strain himself not to sprint up the pitch and scream plays. Over the years, he's learned to control himself somewhat, but seeing Rory defending as amazingly as he was made it hard not to scream in joy at the top of his lungs.

He swore his son prevented at least three goals from happening, and as a 17-year-old playing with professionals, Louis was shocked. But he was also getting antsy, needing and wanting this win.

"Lads!! RJ!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as he saw the ball moving quickly towards their goal.

Rory barely heard his father yell, but as soon as he did, he raised his hand with four fingers to signify the play. And he was grateful a few of the other players heard their coach as well, them quickly getting into position.

Rory was undoubtedly terrified, but his dad called it for a reason. They had three minutes left, and no one had scored. At least he knew his coach had nothing but faith in him.

The 17-year-old watched the ball carefully, his heart rate picking up as his team loured them closer to their side of the pitch. They leisurely passed the ball, playing as if they were running out the clock. But as soon as the goalkeeper on the opposing team ventured a little too far from the goal, Manchester sprinted into action.

Rory was immediately passed the ball, and within a flash, he took off with it and sprinted towards the goal.

The other team didn't know what was happening as they saw the defenceman run for their goal, and Rory showed no signs of stopping.

He got three-quarters of the way down the pitch before anyone caught up with him, and the goalkeeper realized Rory was making a move. But the opposing team didn't move quick enough, and before the goalkeeper could fully get back into position, Rory's leg swung back in a powerful kick.

It was a hard shot, aiming for the top left corner from the right sideline and far away. And Rory swore his heart was still until he heard the announcer scream, "Goal Tomlinson!" before he felt three bodies tackling him to the ground.

The stadium was roaring, and a moment later, the buzzer ended the game. This was like a high to Rory, and once his teammates were done crushing him, he saw his dad living that same high.

Louis was screaming at the top of his lungs as if they had just won the championship. He was hugging anyone within reaching distance and pounding his fist in the air, which was something Rory wanted to see again and again.

He pushed himself and got an amazing reward.

"My boy!! That's my fucking son!" Louis yelled before lunging for Rory and engulfing him in a hug.

"Dad," Rory slightly warned him as he hugged him back and saw a camera crew approaching.

"Don't "dad" me! I'm fucking proud!" Louis beamed before kissing his cheek sloppily, making his son laugh and push him away.

"Tomlinson takeover! What a game!"

Louis smiled proudly at the reporter, David, and the camera as he wrapped an arm around Rory. "Let this be a warning. Manchester is only getting better."

"I'll say, an incredible game throughout from you, Tomlinson. I can't say the league has seen a newly signed player, and only 17, play at the level you did today," David looked at Rory.

It was wild for Louis to be in an interview centered around his son. He loved how quickly Rory was making a statement and gaining attention.

"15 years of training from quite literally the world's best coach helps," Rory chuckled as he nudged his dad. "But also my brother, Cameron," he smiled. "He taught me a few tricks I used today on offenders since he is one, and he's helped a ton."

"We didn't see the other Tomlinson on today. Any reason for that, coach?" David asked.

Louis opened his mouth, trying to find his words and knowing he'd have to choose them carefully. "Of course I've been playing around with a few formations, and I'm confident Cam will be on the pitch soon."

David seemed to accept the answer, and Louis was grateful for that. He was also grateful the reporter didn't keep them long, and it may have been because Rory was visibly impatient to leave as he kept glancing at the sidelines.

"Alright, go get'em killer," Louis teased once they were out of the interview, and Rory immediately ran to find Emerson.

"Babe!!" Rory screamed at the top of his lungs as he sprinted for the stands.

He jumped over the barricade and tripped up a few stairs, but Emerson was beaming and just as eager to hold their boyfriend.

"You did fucking incredible!!" Emerson nearly shrieked once Rory wrapped their arms around them.

Rory barely let them react before kissing his partner, and he should've expected the immediate cat-calls from his siblings, but he couldn't care less. He was living his best life.

"Rory Joseph!"

The blue-eyed lad whipped around and tried not to laugh as he saw his pop tripping over himself as he ran to hug him.

"Oh, my boy! You did so well, and I'm so proud and-"

"Pop," Rory could barely breathe as Harry tugged him into his chest for a tight hug.

"You did it. Oh my God," Harry almost couldn't believe it; his once baby boy was quickly becoming a star player. "You should be so proud of yourself."

Rory smiled into his chest as he hugged him back and nodded. "I am."

He loved seeing his pop's dimples as he grinned back at him, but as soon as Harry let him go, Rory saw Cameron slowly walking up behind him.

It was weird. For the first time ever Rory was genuinely nervous to talk to his twin. For the first time he didn't know what to say as he saw the nothingness behind Cameron's eyes.

"Uh hey," Rory tried to grin at him. "Hell of a game, yeah?"

Cameron tried not to roll his eyes. His dad said the same thing at half time, and it only reminded him his mere presence could be an inconvenience because no one knew what to say to him.

"Yeah, good game," he offered him a tight-lined smile.

Rory hated it. He felt like he was at a dead end and didn't even know how to talk to his twin. It was clear Cameron wasn't in the mood for any type of conversation, and that broke Rory's heart. Football has always been something they've shared, and they've never been so apart as they are right now.

"So where's the celebration happening? Are we going out or back to the house?" Cody asked as he started gathering his kids' things.

"Don't make me cook," Harry quietly grumbled as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"Cody and I can pop. Don't worry," Alexis chuckled and helped Ben get ready to go.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, unable to hide that he was a little surprised. But he noticed Cody and Alexis begin to quickly go back and forth about what they could make, and it abruptly made his heart swell.

It was something he loved to see and, quite frankly, missed. His two oldest always had a wonderful bond, one like he and Gemma have. They were always each other's confidants, a shoulder to cry on. Harry was relieved they seemed to have talked a little bit, and hopefully, they could even more tonight.

"What do ya say, mate?" Declan asked Cameron as he saw him staring off into space a bit.

The 17-year-old blinked a few times before slightly clearing his throat and looking at his family. "I uh-... I'm just- I'm tired. M'gonna go back to mine."

"What?"

Cameron couldn't even count how many of them asked it simultaneously.

"Cam c'mon-" Rory started.

"Buddy, dinner, please," Harry knew there was a bit of begging in his voice.

"We haven't played Fifa in forever and-"

Charlie interrupted Cody, "and I heard a song I think you'd like on the piano."

"And I have a new character style to draw for a future comic-"

"Stop!!" Cameron suddenly screamed, the voices becoming unbearable. "For fucks sake-"

"Cameron," Cody's tone was sharp before silently glancing at the kids.

The 17-year-old was quiet as he saw every pair of eyes on him. And it was as if, in an instant, he could have them all begging to be with him, and the next, they'd be fine with him leaving. Cameron was comfortable with the thought that they would be okay if he weren't with them.

"I'm going home," he muttered, and just as he turned around to walk off, he felt a hand grab his arm.

"I'm driving you," Rory said, with his tone, they all knew it wasn't up for debate.

Cameron was too tired to fight it; instead, he nodded at his twin and slightly waved to his family before heading down the stairs.

Rory kissed Emerson quickly and tried to offer his pop a timid smile as he saw him internally panicking.

He rushed after Cameron and reminded him he had to get his bag, and Rory swore he didn't move this fast even during the game. He was terrified of Cameron abruptly leaving, but luckily, his twin was right where he left him on the pitch.

It was quiet as they walked to the car park, and Rory could feel the heaviness that surrounded his brother. But he didn't know how to break it down or even chip it. And that was a thought that tortured him.

"So, uh-... What're you gonna do at home?" Rory asked once they were on the road for a few minutes.

Cameron shrugged. "Videogames. Write."

"How's the writing going?"

He didn't know what to say. Cameron has stayed up all night writing, and for so long there were so many tears. Cameron wasn't sad anymore though. He was numb. And he knew somehow that was worse. He's gotten to the point where there's quiet. It feels as if nothing is ever going to happen again. And how do you say that to anyone, let alone your twin, who just scored the winning goal and his first goal as a pro player?

"I dunno, might have some inspiration from last night," Cameron muttered, his eyes focused out the window.

Rory glanced over at him and let out a small breath. "Where did you go?"

"Oscar's bar."

"How?" Rory furrowed his eyebrows, them only getting into the club Emerson performed at because it's 16 up.

"I'm a Tomlinson," Cameron breathed out. "Wasn't there too long though."

And that's what Rory hated, knowing how quickly his brother picked up a random girl and shamelessly went off for the night with her. "Why, man?" The words barely came out.

"Why not?" Cameron chuckled.

"No, Cam. Why? Seriously?" Rory was a little irritated. "This isn't cool, man. You left Emerson's show, and that was shitty. But now it's becoming a habit and-"

"Rory, you can say whatever the hell you want. It's not gonna matter," Cameron shook his head with a sneering smile.

"How old was she?"

Cameron was quiet for a second, barely remembering the conversation they had. It's like he wasn't there. "Umh, like 19 or something," he scratched the back of his neck.

Rory let out a deep breath, easily able to tell his brother had no idea. "Will you at least attempt to be careful?"

Cameron hummed. He didn't know how to tell his brother he liked the recklessness. Of course, he uses condoms, but his blood felt like it was actually pumping, at least for a few hours when he met a girl.

Rory made glances at his brother as they drove to the flat, and he hated the silence that overcame the car.

When they pulled up to the building, Rory grabbed his bag, and the two made their way inside. And of course as soon as they got to their flat, Cameron immediately headed for his room.

"Hey," Rory stopped him before he could close his bedroom door. "Do you want me to bring you home a plate or anything?"

"Sure, thanks," Cameron went to sit at his desk.

And that was all that was said before Rory showered quickly, changed, and headed out the door to go to their dads'.

As soon as Cameron knew he was gone, he re-opened his door and sat back at his desk with his notebook in front of him.

He always wrote about the moment he was in, how he was feeling, and suddenly it pours out of him. And of course, he was thinking about his and Rory's talk in the car. It took no time before the pen found the paper.

Trigger Warning

Dark meets light under strobe white

I feel your fingers trace my neck

Under the city night, and it feels right

Oh I feel so alive

Hyde creeps in as I grab your waist

I don't know why you need a name

With such a lovely face, it don't seem fake

No, it feels just the same

Eyes look alive

My heart is paralyzed

By your poor disguise

I might just live or die

Live or die

Take me back, now we're up in your flat

Your heavy breathing in my ear is like a heart attack and it's all black

No going back

Next I know I'm lying down on your floor

You have a gun against my temple

I'm not asking for more

It don't feel right, feel right, feel right

I'm froze to my core

Eyes look alive

My heart is paralyzed

By your poor disguise

I might just live or die

Live or die

Now I wake in a blackened state

The drugs are wearing off enough

For me to feel the pain

And I'm afraid it's seems too late

End Trigger Warning

Cameron blinked a few times, that always being his tell-tale that he was out of it a bit. And when he looked down at the paper, it was like reading it for the first time. Sometimes it was hard to realize he was the one writing these words, like there was another part of him he knew nothing about. And that was beyond frustrating.

But this sudden devil was on his shoulder telling him how easy it would be to go out again and get attention, even if it was for a night.

Cameron wasn't even sure he thought before he pushed himself out of his chair and headed for the door. The next thing he knew, he was in his car and heading for the nearest pub.

2 Weeks Later- September

Rory's knee bounced nervously as he glanced at the door before letting out a small huff and looking back to the telly.

"Love," Emerson said as they poked Rory's stomach with their foot as it rested on his lap. "I laid down, and all I can see is you staring at the door."

"Then sit up," Rory breathed out, but his partner poked him again and raised their eyebrows. "I'm sorry, I-..." He ran a frustrated hand over his face. "It's been every weekend. Every Friday, he goes out, and it's fucking ridiculous."

Emerson didn't know what to say. Rory has been pent up over this for a month now, and each week Cameron gets worse.

"I know he's slept with at least four different girls, and lord knows what he's done when you and I have gone out," Rory said, annoyed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Ror," Emerson said softly, making their boyfriend look at them. "You're scared, love. Not angry, and you need to have a real sit down and explain that."

Rory shook his head as he bit his lip, "I've tried," he said quietly. "I swear I have bruises from how many times he's shoved me out of his room."

"Babe..."

"I-..." Rory was at a loss for words. "He's just miserable, even at practice," he muttered. "It's bad."

Emerson knew it was bad and wanted to help Rory and Cameron more than anything. But it was hard. "Did he start going back to therapy?"

"I dunno," Rory breathed out. "It's all virtual, and he constantly keeps his door shut."

Emerson began to say something but immediately went quiet as they heard the front door's lock click. And Rory perked up just as fast, his head quickly swiveling towards the direction of the sound.

The blue-eyed lad was sure his twin wouldn't be home until the morning, but here he was. "Hey," Rory said as he sat up a little bit.

"Hey," Cameron muttered as he kicked his shoes off.

"Where uh-... Where did ya go?"

Cameron didn't say anything, but Rory knew with it being how late it was, he definitely went to a bar and then back to some girl's place. He didn't even bother staying the night this time though.

"Cam," Rory stopped his twin just as he was about to head down the hall. "Mate, this isn't the way," he said quietly.

"The way to what?" Cameron furrowed his eyebrows a little angrily.

"To finding yourself," Rory filled him in.

Cameron scoffed though as he shook his head. "How can I find myself when there's no one inside?" He said before heading off for his room.

Rory's jaw was slack, having no clue what to do as he saw his brother walk off.

"Rory," Emerson said as soon as Cameron left the room. "You need to call your dads."

"What?"

"You heard me," Emerson said almost firmly. "This isn't okay. He isn't."

"And what're they gonna do?" Rory rubbed a hand over his face. "He won't talk or listen to anyone."

"They're your parents, and that means the world," Emerson sat up to wrap their arms around their boyfriend.

Rory wanted to believe it, but he knew both his dad and pop have tried to talk to Cameron. And each time, his twin gets more bitter, more numb to those words that mean the most to some. But Rory knew he had to try. If he didn't, he would always question what would happen.

"Okay, yeah," Rory let out a shaky breath as he reached for his phone despite how late it was.

He pulled up his dad's number, and as soon as the line started ringing Rory's knee was yet again bouncing nervously.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" Louis' tired voice came over the phone.

"Hey dad," Rory slightly cleared his throat. "Uhm, I-..." He had no clue what he really wanted to say. "I'm worried about Cam."

"What do you mean? What about him?"

Rory let out a deep breath as he tried to pick out the major changes. "Dad, he's not okay," he said quietly. "He doesn't leave his room except for practice, and his room is a disastrous mess, and-... And he's like going out on weekends."

"Going out how?" Louis' voice made it clear he was nervous for the answer.

"He's been sleeping around, like one-night stands for the past month."

"What?" Louis perked up from his exhausted state. "How often? Is he home now? Like-"

"He just got home," Rory breathed out, knowing it was past 1 am. "Usually, I don't see him until the morning, and I guess he didn't even bother to spend the night at this one's place."

"What?" Was all Louis could say again, his tone sharpened, and Rory swore he heard his pop's voice in the background asking questions.

"Dad, I don't know what to do. He won't listen to me, and he's self-destructing," Rory rubbed a hand over his face.

"Do you think he'd come home?" Harry's voice suddenly came through.

Rory had to almost hold back a laugh as he heard that. "No way."

"Talk to him Ror. Try to tell him you're there for him no matter what and-"

"Pop, it's too late," Rory tried not to sound frustrated. "He won't listen, and he won't talk. He-" the 17-year-old had to stop himself before a few tears slipped.

"Love, it's never too late," Louis said softly. "Pop and I can come over tomorrow, and we'll have a chat with him. It's okay," he could hear how scared their son was.

Rory nodded even though his dads couldn't see him. "Yeah, okay," he sniffled. "We'll be hanging here all day."

"Okay, we'll call you before we head over, alright?" Louis said, earning a small "okay" from Rory. "And buddy," he said softly. "We love you. Thank you for being a great brother."

"I love you guys too," Rory felt the smallest of smiles forming. "See you tomorrow."

He hung up the phone, and all he felt was Emerson's eyes on him.

"How do you feel?" They asked.

"Like a tattle-tale," Rory muttered as he slumped into the couch. "I just want him to be okay..."

"Would you be okay if he moved back home?" Emerson checked in. "You'd be alone here most of the time."

The blue-eyed lad shrugged as he pulled his partner almost onto his lap and nuzzled his nose in their neck. "It's what he needs," Rory breathed out. "Plus, you're allowed to stay the weekend. Maybe your dad will have pity and let it become more regular if Cam leaves."

"My parents love you, so they would," Emerson smiled a little as Rory chuckled against them. "You could go back home too, though," they said softly as they traced their fingers through his hair. "It would be okay. I wouldn't mind."

Rory tilted his head up from their shoulder, his eyes meeting their green ones, and he knew Emerson was being honest. "But I mind," he was slightly frustrated. "I want to help Cam, but I'm not putting my life on pause for him. We finally have alone time, and football is going great for me. Why would I take a step back? He's the one that needs to move home. Not me and-"

"What?"

Rory and Emerson spun around at Cameron's voice, and as soon as Rory saw his twin, he knew he was close to furious. They hadn't even heard him leave his room and weren't sure how long he was standing there.

"What the hell are you talking about? Me moving back to dad and pop's?" Cameron stepped closer to the couch.

Rory opened and closed his mouth as he fully turned himself. "W-well-" he had no clue what to say, if anything would be the right thing. "Like, it may help- they might, and uhm- we're all just scared, Cam," Rory managed to stutter out. "You aren't doing okay, we all see it... I want to help."

"Stop acting like you're playing hero," Cameron said angrily. "You want me out. Like you said, your life is on pause now. Well, fuck me then, huh?" He said through a sarcastic laugh. "Congrats on your amazing partner and your flourishing football career. Really mate, your life is perfect."

Rory was stunned as he heard and saw how scornful his twin was. He felt the rage that was pouring out of him, and Rory had never seen Cameron look at him as if he really hated him.

"Cam..." Rory swallowed thickly, his heart sinking into his stomach.

"Go ahead, cry," Cameron muttered as he saw his brother's eyes welling with tears before turning on his heel to walk out.

"What the fuck, dude?" Rory stood up, and Emerson grabbed his arm as soon as he did. "No, no," he pulled away and followed after his twin. "Cameron, don't fucking patronize me for wanting-"

"Out," was all Cameron said as he started shoving him out of his room.

"Stop!" Rory shoved back, and Cameron's eyes immediately grew wide with anger. "Why can't you accept help?! From anyone?! You've never been able to, and now you have to!" He screamed.

"It's hopeless and pointless," Cameron's tone came out dry. "Don't waste your time."

Rory quickly shook his head. "Listen, you just- you're going through a crash right now because you just came back home and of what I said. You don't mean that."

Cameron's eye roll was visible. He meant it. He's felt it for a while. After tonight, it felt like he could really say it.

"C'mere," Rory slightly opened his arms and waved him in for a hug.

"Just get out," Cameron grumbled as he pushed his arms down and tried to get him moving.

Rory didn't budge though, and had to fight back a little so he could wrap his arms around him.

"Rory, stop!!" Cameron screamed and used all of his strength to push him away. "When will the lot of you fucking learn hugs don't fix everything?!"

Rory swore he could feel the room shake as his twin yelled at the top of his lungs. And it was heartbreaking that the only emotion he could get out of Cameron was anger.

"Get out and go live in your fucking fairytale!" Cameron motioned to the door.

Rory was frozen as he took in his brother's state, and seeing him like this, he didn't want to leave the room. But Cameron seemed close to tackling him, and getting in an actual fight with him hurt Rory too much to even think about.

So he left the room, and as soon as he did, he jumped at the noise of the door slamming shut.

The blue-eyed lad felt like he could barely pick up his feet to go back to the living room, him moving in a type of daze until he sat on the couch.

"Love?" Emerson asked carefully.

Rory blinked as his partner wiped his cheeks with their thumbs. He hadn't even realized he started crying.

"I-... I-I don't know what to do," Rory broke out into a sob, and Emerson quickly held him. "He hates me, oh my God, h-he-"

"Ror breathe," Emerson said soothingly as they heard him getting choked up.

"No, no," Rory couldn't believe it, but his mind replayed how deadpan Cameron was as he said potent words. "He's not him, this isn't him."

"It's not. You're right," Emerson carefully rocked him and rubbed his back. "But we'll get him back."

Rory had to squeeze his eyes shut as he felt more tears coming. "I miss him."

"I know you do, love," they kissed his temple and rested their head against his. "Give him a little time to cool off tonight."

"I don't think dad and pop should come over tomorrow."

"What?" Emerson furrowed their eyebrows as Rory pulled away.

"I know I just suffocated him, and bringing them here wouldn't go well," he knew Cameron would absolutely lose it. "I'll apologize and remind him I do want him here... I dunno, maybe wait a week before dad and pop have an intervention."

Emerson could see Rory suggested it and wanted to know their thoughts, but it was hard. "And how do you think he'll be feeling next week? After another Friday night out?"

Rory opened his mouth but didn't want to say what he knew. "I can be better," he said quietly. "I'll ask to game out here after practices and even if it's little, it's something. I'll try to keep him home on Fridays."

The desperation was clear behind his eyes. He needed something, anything to work. But the longer Emerson was quiet, the tighter his chest grew.

"He's showing signs, Rory..."

"What?" He asked confused.

Emerson let out a quiet breath, not knowing how to have a talk like this and be ready for their partner's reaction. Rory would sob. He would break Cameron's door down, search his room, or go through his notebooks. And Emerson wasn't sure if telling Rory would help or hurt right now.

"He's... He's depressed, Ror," Emerson settled on. "He's becoming dangerous to himself," even after saying that little their boyfriend was crying again. "Keep trying, love. Don't give up on him."

"No, never," Rory shook his head and quickly hugged Emerson as they started to wrap their arms around him. "I'm not giving up. I'm not," he said almost firmly.

"Just watch him closely."

"He can stay here, and I can watch him better than dad and pop. They're busy, and I can do more," Rory said as if he was talking to himself. "He's not alone. He needs to know that..." He was determined to help his brother find a way through the dark.

Chapter Text

2 Weeks Later- September

“Hey, buddy.”

Cameron glanced next to him as he jogged along the side of the pitch and offered Mata a small smile. “Hey,” he said breathlessly.

“So, coach has you running.”

“Yeah,” Cameron looked at the ground briefly before picking his head up. “M’just having a hard time focusing.”

“Thinking about videogame strategy instead of football?” Mata slightly teased. “C’mon man, I can see that lost face anywhere. What’s going on?”

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows. “Did my dad put you up to this?” He asked, considering the rest of the team was doing drills.

“No,” Mata laughed a little. “You just look like you need to talk.”

Cameron didn’t know what to say but found himself stopping his jogging and letting out a few deep breaths.

“C’mere,” Mata pulled him off to the side to sit on a bench. “Drink,” he passed him a water.

The 17-year-old was taken aback, but he felt himself slow after a few sips of water. 

“What’s distracting you?” Mata asked.

“A lot,” Cameron shrugged as he shook his head.

He didn’t know what was too much to tell an almost stranger, what certain things were too personal. But the fact that Mata was trying was a statement Cameron didn’t know he was aching for a little bit—someone outside his family or someone he paid to listen to him.

“I dunno, man… It’s just-... Since the day I signed with the team, my world fell to shit, and it hasn’t stopped.”

“Because of football? Like the team?” Mata was a little nervous.

“No, no,” Cameron shook his head before letting out a deep breath. “My uhm-... My long-term girlfriend broke up with me the day I signed and-... Nothing has been right since.”

“Your brain broke, and now you need to rewire. It’s not easy, mate,” Mata said sympathetically. “And I’m really sorry that happened,” he said quietly. “That’s kinda fucked up. She couldn’t do it the day after?”

Cameron found himself laughing a little for the first time in too long. “No, apparently another second with me was unbearable,” he slightly joked. “We just didn’t want the same things.”

“Got a bit stuck, huh?” Mata asked, but by Cameron’s face, he knew the answer. “You can’t expect positive results if you drown yourself with negative energy,” he said softly, getting the younger lad to look at him. “I know it’s hard to break out of. It’s a habit that’s easy. But doesn’t it make you tired?”

Cameron was a little too surprised for words, but before he could say anything, he saw their coach jogging their way.

“Mata! Tommo! What’re-”

Give us a minute.

Cameron went wide-eyed as he saw Mata sign and his dad nod before heading back to the team. “You know sign?” He was clearly shocked if the other player’s chuckle was anything to go by.

“Yeah, I just didn’t want the team to hear me yelling and see us gossiping,” Mata continued to laugh. “I assume your dad understands why we’re over here.”

Cameron felt like he was getting slapped with surprises, and they were good. This was going more than okay. 

“If anything, he’ll be happy I’m talking to you,” he said through a small laugh. “It’s been kinda hard talking to anyone here.”

“Why?”

Cameron shrugged as he took a sip of water. “I dunno,” he muttered. “I’ve just been feeling miserable, and I can’t pass it on to you guys.”

“Tommo, you’re not a burden,” Mata scoffed. “Think about this talk, the one we’re having right now. Don’t you think it’ll help us play better together?” He raised his eyebrows at him. “On the pitch, you need connection, and that comes from real talks and challenging each other.”

He thought it over, and within a second, he knew the older man was right. There was a level of trust that was quickly gained.

“Get up. C’mon,” Mata offered him a hand as he stood up. “We’re getting a ball.”

“What?” Cameron nervously followed after him. “Like you versus me?”

“Yeah,” Mata smirked at him before tugging him to jog onto the pitch. “Coach! Ball!”

Cameron froze as he heard his dad’s whistle, and everyone on the pitch stopped what they were doing.

“What’s going on?” Louis asked as Mata started shooing people from the center of the pitch.

“Me verse Tommo. We’re gonna light a fire under this kid,” Mata said as he was kicked a football.

“Love it,” Louis was immediately smiling, and despite seeing Cameron a little scared, there was a sparkle in his eye. “De Gea, Heaton, you’re on goals.”

Cameron swallowed thickly as the two goalkeepers took their place. They were only using half the pitch, but still, this was a world-renowned player he was going up against. The entire team was watching, but his terror diminished as he saw his twin offering him an encouraging smile.

“I hope you know I won’t go easy on you,” Mata said with a small smirk as they faced each other in the middle of the pitch.

“Don’t,” Cameron was feeling a charge and he needed to chase it.

“Alright lads, Tommo versus Mata. The first goal wins,” Louis set the football between them. “Ready… Go!” He blew his whistle and stepped back as the two immediately sprung into action.

“There we go kid, I see you,” Mata chuckled as the 17-year-old quickly asserted himself, and the older man turned his back once he got the ball to shove Cameron away from it.

“Oh, not that easy, mate,” Cameron found himself laughing a little and, with quick footwork, got the ball in his possession.

Mata was just as fast trying to get the ball back, but Cameron dribbled it away from him and tipped it up to juggle it on his knee.

“Where’s your head right now?”

“Beating you,” Cameron didn’t even need to think as the ball was back on the ground, and he was ready to sprint with it.

“Keep it that way.”

Cameron went a little wide-eyed as the older man came barrelling for him, and the team started cheering. He felt like he was a second away from getting attacked, but he had the upper hand, and in too long, his pulse was healthily pumping through him.

Mata was challenging him, and within minutes, Cameron found himself breathing heavily and losing energy as he tried to hold onto possession of the ball and move it towards the goal.

“Keep it away from me,” Mata said as he saw him losing a bit of steam and only tried harder to get the ball. “Keep it away!”

“C’mon Cam!!” Rory screamed.

“Let’s go Tommo! Let’s go!” Louis yelled and clapped as he ran with the two.

Cameron’s heart was pumping, and fuck, it felt good. It felt really good. He almost wanted to scream to release the energy, but instead, he shot the ball forward and sprinted after it.

Mata was shocked, and it took him a moment to chase after him, but Cameron was on a mission. 

The team was screaming their heads off and running as the 17-year-old got closer to the goal. Cameron is fast. He knows he’s always been quick and light on his feet. He has the tools to win. Time to put them to use.

“Get it kid!!” Louis’ face was red as he screamed and saw his son swinging his leg back for a kick.

There was silence for a millisecond until the light “whoosh” of the ball hitting the net signified it went past the goalkeeper.

“Holy shit,” Cameron gulped, barely able to process what just happened until he was tackled by his middle.

“Atta fuckin’ boy! Yeah, mate!” Mata shook his shoulders and nearly pinned him to the ground.

Cameron was smiling, he was laughing. And he didn’t realize how much he missed it.

“C’mere you,” Louis shoved Mata out of the way and tugged his son into his chest. “That’s it. That’s my fuckin’ boy,” he whispered to Cameron and gave him a tight hug. “Practice game, 20 minutes!” Louis called out. 

“Am I still second string?” Cameron asked as the team started setting up.

“Yes, but show me you want first,” Louis squeezed his shoulder. “That fire you have right now, pour fucking gasoline on it and go, mate.”

Cameron looked at first string, and it was hard not to feel intimidated. He’ll be going up against Mata again, and his brother, it’s a lot. Not to mention the other players that took up half the league’s leaderboard. 

But it’s time to challenge himself and show up to practice for the first time since signing with the team months ago.

“Heard, coach,” Cameron said with a bit of determination as he jogged onto the pitch.

“This is the last drill for the day! Make it count!” Louis clapped his hands as everyone got into position.

Cameroun could feel his heart pounding as he set up as forward, but Mata gave him a thumbs up, and Rory was waving to him from the other side of the pitch. He had to smile a little. Football felt fun today.

When the game started, Cameron had the same energy when playing with Mata, and he could see he was shaking everyone up a little bit. His team hasn’t seen him move at his real speed, they haven’t seen him be ball aggressive, and after holding back so long, Cameron was letting it pour out now.

He could see a few shocked faces from first string, and those tiny reactions only encouraged Cameron. He was screaming plays and helping his team move the ball up the pitch. And once they got close to the goal, the blue-eyed lad called for it.

“Ooh let’s go little bro, it’s been too long,” Rory laughed as he tried to get the ball away from Cameron.

“You’re like five minutes older. Shut the fuck up,” Cameron laughed, Rory constantly says that when they play. 

“Still in charge, though,” Rory smirked before sneaking the ball away from his twin and began to run with it.

But Cameron caught right back up and snuck up to take it again, making Rory snap his head to him. “Obviously not.”

Rory was a little stuck, this being the first time in he doesn’t know how long he and Cameron were really playing together, and they were joking. And the second it took for Rory to realize that was just enough for Cameron to get past him and head for the goal.

“Shit,” Rory tried to sprint to him, but too late.

“Oh!!” Cameron screamed and pumped his fist in the air as he scored, and his team clapped him on the back.

“That’s it, Cam! That’s fucking it!” Louis was a clapping and screaming maniac. “Do you all see how Cam dribbles? He’s particular, depending on his next move. He knows when to keep it tight or to go long with the ball. Learn from it,” he said as they set back up. “Fernandez, don’t get ambitious with it. You need to keep in mind speed.”

Cameron was close to shock he was being used as an example, and his coach called out an offensive man from first string. He had to keep this up. This was good, and already, he’s had a more successful day than the past month combined.

For the rest of practice, he kept his energy up. Of course his dad was pointing out different techniques or how to move as they played, and Cameron was actually listening. He wanted to do better. He felt like he had a goal.

They finished out the game, and as Cameron got water, he looked around for Mata. But he furrowed his eyebrows as he saw the older man with a girl sitting in the front row of the stands. Cameron hadn’t even realized there was someone watching. 

He was able to steal a glance, and even from far away, Cameron could see she was pretty. Really pretty. Of course, Mata would have a smoking hot girlfriend to support him, even during practice.

Cameron wanted to talk to him though, and took his time drinking his water as Mata talked with her. But once he was done, the blue-eyed lad waved him over.

“Hey,” Mata smiled at him as he jogged to him. “Great fucking practice, man.”

“Thanks,” Cameron said a little bashfully. “And- just, thanks for talking to me earlier. I didn’t realize how badly I needed it.”

“Anytime,” his smile only grew. “Sometimes it’s one person when you least expect it to change everything. Kindness is powerful. Pass it along.”

Cameron nodded, and he found himself quickly looking up to him. “It’s uh- it’s nice your girlfriend came to practice,” he wanted to talk to him like mates. “Gotta say, you did really well,” he chuckled, kind of unable to get over how pretty she was.

Mata raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s my sister.”

The 17-year-old froze, his mouth opening, but nothing came out.

“Did you just call my sister hot? Do you think-”

“No, no, I-” Cameron shook his head, absolutely mortified. 

Mata let out a barking laugh as they started heading for the locker rooms. “You’re a fuckin’ character, mate. I like you. Even if you think my sister is-”

“I didn’t say-” but Cameron immediately shut up as the older man looked at him like, “really?”

He bit his lip and peered behind him. She was heading off the pitch, but Cameron swore as soon as he looked at her, she looked right back. And a sudden jolt of nerves washed over him before quickly turning away. He liked this feeling. It sparked something in him.

“What’s uh-... What’s her name?” Cameron asked timidly.

“Flora,” Mata smiled, a little amused. “She moved in with me about a month ago from our hometown in Spain.”

Cameron hummed, already feeling a little weak knowing she must have an accent. “What brought her here?”

Mata shrugged. “She was struggling and needed some support. Kinda like you,” his smile faltered a little. “I’m a stubborn big brother who convinced her to live with me. I’m happy she finally came to the stadium, even if it’s not a game.”

The blue-eyed lad looked down to his shoes, if possible his mind started to race a little on this girl. He had questions, too many. She was the first of the girls he’s seen who genuinely sparked his interest.

“She asked about you.”

“What?” Cameron’s head snapped to him, nearly freezing, just as they got to the locker room.

Mata smirked down at him, kind of liking to see him a little nervous. “She asked who you were and if you normally kick my arse,” he chuckled.

“And uh- like what did you say?”

“That you’re Cameron Tomlinson, and today you showed the player you are,” Mata winked at him before clapping him on the back and heading for his locker.

“Yeah, but, like-” Cameron followed after him, his heart suddenly racing. “Did she-”

“Should I just give you her number? Damn, man,” Mata teased him.

Cameron swallowed thickly, the first voice he heard screaming at him was a powerful “no.” He was hurt. He can get hurt again. This is what happened with Amira. He dove head first and crashed. 

“I uh- I dunno,” Cameron said quietly as he shook his head.

Mata looked at him softly as he saw the gears turning. “Listen Tommo, it’s a phone number, not a wedding ring. Having another friend doesn’t hurt.”

Cameron didn’t want to think, he wanted to act like he did in football today. His mind has been prisoning him, and maybe he could be let out a little bit more, like how Mata helped him today. Maybe he could keep this going.

“Yeah, if it’s okay could uhm- like if she would be okay and you would be alright with it, can I get her number?” He asked nervously before his brain could tell him otherwise.

“She’s okay with it. Trust me,” Mata said as he rolled his eyes and pulled his phone out. 

Cameron was smiling a little too much as he heard that and quickly grabbed his phone from his locker. He got Mata’s number and Flora’s, and despite being terrified, Cameron found himself a bit excited.

“Now that I have your number, I’m texting you when I’m on Call of Duty,” Mata gently punched his shoulder. 

“Thanks,” Cameron said sheepishly before offering him one more smile and heading to his locker.

‘Hey,” Rory came up to him as soon as he opened his bag. “Dude, what the hell happened today?”

“What do you mean?” Cameron furrowed his eyebrows.

Rory scoffed. “You haven’t played like that since our last Championship with the league. Like-” he still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

Cameron was quiet for a second, it hitting him just how out of sync he’s been with the world. And today, he was getting somewhat back on track. “I don’t know why, but the universe decided to be kind to me today,” he breathed out, still not believing what had happened the last few hours.

“Fuck yeah,” Rory smiled widely. “Mata seems to really like you.”

“Yeah, he’s cool,” Cameron nodded with his own slight grin. “We uh- well, he talked to me, and I dunno. It was nice.”

Rory’s smile faltered slightly hearing that. He had been trying for months to talk to his twin, today being the first day since they fought a few days ago that they weren’t just passing by one another. He tried to get Cameron to play video games, to make dinner with him, or even just have him write in the living room while he’s watching telly. But it was to no avail.

“Hey, listen,” Cameron slightly cleared his throat, unable to look his twin in the eyes. “I uh-... I’ve been a dick. To everyone, but especially you,” he said quietly. “I pushed you away.”

“Why?” Rory needed to know.

“Because you’re the person closest to me,” Cameron muttered. “I dunno man. My brain just-” he stopped himself frustratedly.

“What can I do?” Rory has asked a thousand times, but he felt like he might actually get an answer this time.

Cameron had to think. After talking with Mata, even the slight help he got from a mate helped in a noticeable way. Cameron has been hiding, he was running from the answer to that question, but he knew what it was.

“I need you to do one thing for me,” Cameron said quietly, hating that he was even about to say this.

“Anything,” Rory rushed out.

“I haven’t been taking my meds,” he confessed, making his twin’s face fall. “I-I haven’t been for a long time a-and-”

“Cam,” Rory rushed out, not even thinking before wrapping his arms around him.

Cameron was frozen for a second, but his brother was holding him tightly. And it took him a second, but he hugged him back, and Rory’s sigh of relief was noticeable. 

He felt Rory’s heart against his and someone else holding him up, and he had to savor it for a second.

“See? Hugs help,” Rory mumbled into his shoulder.

“Shut the fuck up,” Cameron chuckled before giving him one more squeeze and letting go.

“How long have you been off your meds?” Rory asked, a little nervous for the answer.

Cameron scratched the back of his neck as his eyes found the floor. “I dunno, like- almost three months.”

“So, since the breakup?” Rory asked, and Cameron nodded.

Rory knew there was no way he was sleeping and why his mood was all over the place, and he was being impulsive. “Why, Cam?”

“I dunno, I-” he ran a frustrated hand over his face. “After we broke up, I just stayed awake and didn’t take them, and a few days turned into a week and then two and-”

“Alright,” Rory gently rubbed his shoulder. “I’ll help. I can do the old pop trick and force you to stop gaming and take them.”

Cameron rolled his eyes, their father doing that every single night. But thinking back on it, he needed it.

“Have you been going to therapy?”

And again, Cameron only felt disappointed in himself as he shook his head. “I told pop I would call doc, but I never did, and the days just passed on.”

“Okay,” Rory quickly looked at the time on his phone. “We’ll shower, head home, call the doc, order pizza, and play video games.”

Cameron tried not to seem a little entertained as his brother mapped out a plan. “Thanks, Ror.”

“Anything for you, always,” Rory quickly hugged him again. “And call dad tonight, too. He left. He saw you talking with Mata and wanted to give you guys space. He’s freaking out though, and really proud of you today.”

“Give me all the praise. I need it,” Cameron joked before grabbing his change of clothes.

“You deserve it,” Rory corrected him.

Cameron stilled for a moment, and he saw his twin really meant it. Today has been his first good day in months.

The two showered and changed before heading for the car. And Rory was relieved Cameron had the same energy after, he was talking about what games he’s been playing and how far he’s gotten. Rory was a little worried about how many hours he put into the games, but his brother was talking and excited to show him his empires. Rory knew this would be the first Friday in a month and a half his brother would be home.

“So, what did you and Mata get to talking about?” Rory asked as they got home and started powering up their PlayStation. 

“Uhm, football and focus,” Cameron shrugged and slumped into the couch, his body aching. “It was weird, dude. I dunno…”

Rory looked at his twin, and he could already see him being a bit fidgety. He didn’t want Cameron nervous. He wanted to keep talking and let him know people wanted to hear him.

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows as Rory left the room, but he loaded the game up, and by the time it was ready to play, his brother was back.

“We’re cleaning your room tomorrow,” Rory said before tossing him a water bottle and opening up his hand.

Cameron was completely lost until he saw the white pill Rory was offering him. “What is it?”

“You’re Buspirone. You’re supposed to take it twice a day, and clearly you missed this morning,” Rory passed it to him. “Don’t worry, I’m not drugging you with Xanax.”

Cameron had to laugh a little. With the amount of pills he took for his mood, depression, insomnia, and anxiety, he has a small pharmacy. But there was no hiding he loved that his twin knew to grab his light anxiety pill and which one it was.

“Thanks,” he said before swallowing it back and taking a few sips of water.

Rory watched him, and Cameron immediately went to picking a character in the game, but he knew his brother was thinking about something. Something was different, more so than a good football practice.

“What’s going on with that face?”

“Huh?” Cameron glanced at him, confused.

“You’re like-... I dunno, your resting bitch face is gone,” Rory chuckled as he joined the game and chose his avatar.

Cameron rolled his eyes, but he was smiling just the slightest. “It’s nice to have my mind on something different.”

“And what’s that?” Rory, like Cameron, sank into the couch.

Cameron wasn’t sure if he should say anything. He could get his hopes up; he could talk and dream, but it could never come true. But he was told there was a possibility, a chance. Cameron had to chase it a little.

“Uhm, so, like-” he slightly cleared his throat, trying to find his words. “Mata was talking to me and stuff, and practice went well, and uh- like, at the end, he was talking to some girl, and I thought it was his girlfriend. I mean, she was freaking gorgeous, and-”

“And you stupidly told Mata you thought his girlfriend was hot?” Rory snickered.

“No dude, even fucking worse. His sister. It was his sister,” Cameron couldn’t believe how much of an idiot he was. “I essentially told him I found his sister attractive.”

Rory’s jaw went slack, his face lighting up in entertainment as his twin started the game. Cameron hummed and nodded at himself as if he was back in the moment, horrified, and had Rory cackling. 

“What did he say? Like-” Rory was still trying to contain himself, barely able to focus on the screen.

“He gave me her number.”

“What?” Rory quickly paused the game and saw his twin smirking a bit.

“Yeah, uh-” Cameron didn’t know what to say as he shrugged. “I guess she asked about me when they were talking, and uh, like from what Mata said, she seems interesting.”

“Plus, you think she’s hot.”

“Whatever,” Cameron waved his hand as he chuckled. “Today was just-... I dunno, it was weird,” he breathed out and for a moment reflected. “Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?”

Rory’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh deep, okay,” he had to think. “I don’t know, like-... I don’t think anything is random,” he said quietly as he shrugged. “The universe works in weird ways, man, and- and I’ve seen it hurt you… But isn’t it nice to kind of have the hope that all the shit that happened is so you could finally find yourself with the right person at the right time?”

Cameron slowly turned his head towards his twin, thinking he was the emotionally deep one. Maybe he was wrong.

“Yeah… Yeah, the hope is kinda nice,” he said quietly as Rory unpaused the game. “But I’m hesitant,” Cameron confessed, his fingers moving along the controls. “What if I’m not ready? What if I crash again, but it’ll be worse?” He shook his head a little frustratedly.

“But what if this is you coming out of your crash and climbing to your peak?” Rory challenged him.

Cameron opened his mouth, his head spinning with all the unknowns. But he took a second to breathe, and thanks to the medicine, his heart was keeping a normal pace, and his pulse was calm. 

“Listen, dude,” Rory got his attention. “You never know unless you try. And even if you try and don’t succeed, take it on the chin. Learn and grow. But if you do succeed-” he trailed off and wiggled his eyebrows.

Cameron bit his lip as he glanced at his phone on the coffee table. It was tempting, extremely so.

“Text her,” Rory didn’t need to look away from the screen to know he was debating with himself. “You and I both know Mata told her he gave you her number. Balls in your court, mate.”

“Okay, but I text her, and then what?”

“Then you get to know her,” Rory said as if it was obvious. “Just talk, dude. And if you get to talking and you like her, take steps forward.”

Cameron was frozen for a moment, and because he was, Rory reached for his brother’s phone and opened it with face recognition.

“Rory, I fucking hate that you do that,” Cameron tried to snatch it away.

“Text her,” Rory thrusted the phone in his chest and paused the game again. 

Cameron let out a huff as he looked at his phone, and messages was already pulled up. His thumb was frozen over the screen, but when Rory poked his side, he got his fingers to move.

To Flora Mata (5:46pm): Hey, it’s Cameron Tomlinson. Your brother gave me your number.

He showed it to Rory before sending it.

“Add “if it’s okay, can we chat?”.” Rory suggested.

Cameron quickly nodded and typed that out before showing Rory again, and earning a chuckled “looks good, mate.”

“Alright,” Cameron said with a shaky breath as he sent it and threw his phone off to the side.

“How do you feel?”

“Nervous,” Cameron huffed, already his eyes looking to his phone for a text back. “There’s a lot to lose.”

“And so much more to gain,” Rory nudged him and started the game to distract his brother. 

That got Cameron quiet. In the long run, he knew what was at stake. A happy life, or another broken heart. His mind goes drastic, he can’t help it. If it went the right way though, he knew even the bad days would be worth the good. It’s something to fight for.

“Mate, I haven’t been on a first date since I was 14. And back then, that’s hardly a date.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Rory rolled his eyes and scoffed. “You’re a sap like dad, and even three years ago, that was nice and impressive. You’ve always been sweet, dude. A true romantic,” he teased him and was happy to hear Cameron laughing the slightest. “Just think, it’s more fun now that we have our own place and cars.”

Cameron hummed, there no denying that. “I know you and Emerson are taking advantage of it,” he muttered as he watched the telly.

Rory felt his heart stop for a moment. “What do you mean?”

Cameron slightly shrugged, seeing the panic on his twin’s face got him smirking a bit. “Let’s just say I know when you bottom.”

Rory’s jaw fell to the floor, his cheeks going bright red, and trying not to scream as he saw his brother’s shit-eating grin.  “I will fucking kill you,” he muttered before focusing back on the game.

“Keep it together when you get stuffed.”

Rory looked at him wide-eyed, not even thinking before punching him in the arm, and Cameron let out a barking laugh before shoving him away. He watched his twin for a second, this moment was small, but it was this he’d been aching for.

“I missed you, man,” Rory said quietly with a slight heaviness, almost nervous that tomorrow his twin could go back. 

Cameron bit his lip and nodded, his chest filling up with warmth. “I missed you too,” he whispered. “Rory…” he made his twin look at him. “I’m really fucking sorry.”

“I know you are. I am too,” Rory offered him a small smile. “I know it’s not gonna be fixed like magic man, so come to me when you’re hurting.”

Cameron couldn’t deny, today was exactly what he needed. He needed help from someone other than family and hope and encouragement. And more than anything else, time with his brother.

“Cam,” Rory muttered as his eyes were focused on the game, but his twin was a little lost. “Your phone buzzed.”

The blue-eyed lad snatched it up, yet again Rory pausing the game, and he was sure it was going to stay like this all night.

“Well? What’d she say?”

Cameron’s heart was pumping as he opened the new message, sure enough, from Flora.

From Flora Mata (5:50pm): Give yourself credit. You asked for my number 😉

He swallowed thickly, his jaw slack, and Rory quickly scampered next to him to see the screen.

“Ooh,” Rory smirked. “She likes you.”

“Rory-”

“She sent a winky face!” He defended himself.

And just as Cameron was about to retort, his phone went off again.

“Double-text, let’s go!”

“Ror! This isn’t a football match,” Cameron was already nervous, and seeing the second text come in was more terrifying than the first.

From Flora Mata (5:51pm): You played great today. I always love seeing my brother lose.

Cameron let out a startled laugh, even Rory looked at him, surprised at the sudden noise. “She’s funny,” he muttered, his smile growing.

“And you’re already smitten,” Rory was beaming.

“Ror-”

“No, don’t “Ror,” me,” he rolled his eyes. “Games are getting turned off. I’m ordering pizza, and helping you text her.”

“I don’t need help,” Cameron grumbled, but as he said it his thumbs were frozen over the keyboard.

“Yeah, okay,” Rory scoffed, seeing him not move as he switched Hulu on. “Flirt, man. Tell her you saw her in the stands and wanted to make an impression.”

Cameron shook his head, that not being true. He didn’t see her until the end of practice, but he could somewhat go along with what Rory said.

To Flora Mata (5:54pm): It was my lucky day you chose today to come to practice. Otherwise, I don’t think you’d be so impressed 😅 But I’ll keep trying to beat his arse for ya.

“Whoa, alright Cam,” Rory smirked as he peered over to see. 

Cameron flipped him the bird, but sending it off, he felt his gut erupt. Now, he was eager for his phone to go off. Every time it chimed his heart pumped a little harder, and he needed this.

“Feel good?” Rory checked in as he saw Cameron dissolve into the couch with a smile.

“Yeah,” he breathed out, feeling like he was really breathing. “Yeah, s’good.”

It was quiet for a second, and Rory saw his brother thinking, him staring off into space for a second before he was smiling a little.

“Remember that time I asked dad to take a kite out in the snow?”

“What?” Rory asked, that being completely random. “Yeah, we were like 5,” he laughed.

And hearing the age, Cameron’s smile grew a little. “I feel like I did when he said yes to it,” he said quietly.

Rory looked at him softly, and he saw the wonder in his brother, the excitement. 

“M’gonna grab my notebook,” Cameron pushed himself off the couch.

Rory couldn’t even nod before his brother was out of the room, but just as fast was he back with a pen in hand too. “You’re writing out here?”

“Yeah, you uh, you just got me thinking.”

“In a good way?” Rory asked a little nervously.

Cameron hummed, and Rory knew that was as much of a response as he was going to get while he was in writing mode. 

He was always amazed by how fast his brother worked; it was as if floodgates had opened. The only reason he stopped was because his phone went off again.

From Flora Mata (6:00pm): It was my lucky day too 🙂 I will give you all of the tools to beat Juan lmao

Cameron chuckled, it was odd talking to Mata’s sister or even seeing his first name on the screen. But they have him in common, and it’s an easy icebreaker.

To Flora Mata (6:01pm): You’re really after him, damn. I’m gonna have to step my game up to achieve the damage you want 😆

From Flora Mata (6:02pm): I’m only mildly furious he keeps unplugging my PC while I play. I need someone on the inside to mess with him lmao

“Oh,” Cameron only grew more interested. “Dude, she games.”

“Do your thing, buddy. I believe in you,” Rory chuckled as he placed an order for food.

To Flora Mata (6:04pm): Well, if video games are involved, I’ll go to war. Say no more. 

He was having fun, this was going well, and Flora was only getting better and better the more they texted.

From Flora Mata (6:05pm): Finally, a man to fight the good fight 🙌 lol He loves you. He’ll never see it coming 

To Flora Mata (6:05pm): I already have your brother’s stamp of approval? 

Cameron was smiling a little as he sent it, loving the idea of Mata being okay if he possibly dated his sister.

From Flora Mata (6:06pm): If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have entertained the idea of passing my number along lol And you’re quickly gaining my stamp too, but I need to know, it’s a deal breaker…

Cameron swallowed thickly as he waited for the next text, and as soon as it came in, he brought his screen closer to his face.

From Flora Mata (6:06pm): What style of video games do you play? 😝

And he was quickly smiling again, his heart beating somewhat normal.

To Flora Mata (6:07pm): Any and all lmao Right now I’m working on Rise of the Dragon of Ice, and playing through Red Dead 2. But I’m also a Fifa and Call of Duty nut lol

“Oh, you are gone, mate,” Rory snickered as his twin didn’t put his phone down once. 

“Dude, she’s actually really cool,” Cameron couldn’t believe it, almost laughing because no way this was his reality. “If you want, invite Emerson over. I’m gonna-” he pointed to his phone and knew he would be of no company to his brother.

Rory was close to shocked, but there Cameron was, smiling at his phone and excited.

From Flora Mata (6:08pm): I’m a huge C.O.D fan. You totally have some brownie points there. Any first-person shooter game I need to play lol Both Red Deads were incredible.

“Dude! She plays C.O.D and Red Dead! And probably Battlefield! This is awesome, fuck yeah,” he muttered as he read her text and immediately went to type a reply.

It happened; his brother got a spark. And Rory felt like he could keep encouraging the flame. Cameron was going to light up like he used to. Rory could feel it.

He was proud of his brother and may have snapped a picture of him grinning from ear to ear at his phone to send to their dads. One less worry for them; Cameron is doing more than alright today. 

But of course it was only two minutes later he saw his pop’s name flashing on his screen. Cameron didn’t even notice his phone ringing, and Rory was a little grateful as he grabbed his phone and headed into the kitchen.

“Hey,” Rory answered quietly.

“What is he smliing at?” Harry was sure he stared at the picture his son sent him in shock.

“He’s talking to a girl,” Rory glanced into the living room, not wanting to be too loud.

“Alright, is this like someone he slept with, or-”

“No, no,” Rory shook his head. “Kinda seems like a blind date action courtesy of Mata,” he chuckled. 

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“He gave Cam his sister’s phone number today, and I dunno,” Rory was still trying to grasp everything. “He had an awesome practice, and we talked and just-... Today was a really great day for him.”

“Your dad came home close to crying. He’s so proud of him,” Harry chuckled, only for Louis’ voice to float through the phone, “I was happy!”

Rory nodded as he laughed. “Incredible enough to score him some attention from the Mata family.”

“Well, that’s great,” Harry said softly. “And he’s feeling okay? Did you two sort everything out?”

“Yeah, we talked,” Rory bit his lip. “I uhm, I’m gonna start making sure he’s taking his meds, and he has an appointment Monday with his doc.”

“Thank you, Rory, really,” Harry’s gratefulness poured through the phone. “I’m sorry if a lot feels like it’s leaning on you, but-”

“Pop, stop,” Rory shook his head as he glanced through the kitchen and towards Cameron. “He’s my twin, my best mate… It’s never too much if it’s him.”

“Rory! Rory! Holy shit, she’s studying to be a video game developer! This is insane!” Cameron screamed from the living room.

Rory rolled his eyes fondly. “I think he’s already in love,” he chuckled into the phone.

“Just watch for a crash, keep an eye out,” Harry was a little nervous, all of a sudden, Cameron was being bombarded with a dopamine rush. “We’ll be sure to call Cam later. We’ll let him get his chat on for a little,” he joked.

“Pop it’s weird. He’s like a cute smooth talker. Very effective.”

Harry let out a small breath, not wanting to know how his son flirts. “I love you Rory, thank you again.”

“I love you guys too,” Rory chuckled, a little entertained his pop politely excused himself before hanging up.

He called Emerson and invited them over before heading back to the living room. And in a long time, Rory felt like they could have a proper hangout. Well, that is if Cameron got off his phone. But truth be told, Rory wouldn’t mind if he didn’t all night. He needs this.

Chapter Text

2 Weeks Later- October

To Flora Mata (8:45 am): How have I beaten you three days in a row at this? Good morning! 

Cameron smiled as soon as he woke up and sent the text, but he froze as his phone immediately chimed.

From Flora Mata (8:46 am): Beat you! GOOD MORNING! ☀️

He wasn’t sure if the first sound to come out of him when he woke up was a laugh. He’s never shaken his room or clutched his stomach so hard as he read a text. But the text that immediately followed had him cackling so hard that no noise was coming out of him at all.

From Flora Mata (8:46 am): FUCK

Cameron had to control himself for a second. Within minutes of waking up, this girl had his chest burning. He loved their little game. It started a week and a half ago when they were online gaming, and neither of them realized the sun had come up. 

Apparently, Cameron isn’t the only one with the same bad habit. He joked how easy it would be to say good morning to her every day if they gamed. So, Flora challenged him. Instead of staying up and saying it every day, wake up earlier. It definitely gave Cameron an incentive to, and he loved that Flora was up to tackle the obstacle. But Cameron is competitive, and he wants to win. Plus, no one can take away the start to the morning like the one he just had.

To Flora Mata (8:48 am): It’s so effortless for you to make my day. And it’s barely begun.

He was smiling into his pillow, his duvet pulled close and too warm under the sheets. 

From Flora Mata (8:50 am): Aw, morning Cam is just like sleepy Cam. What is it about tired you that makes you a charmer?

Cameron felt his cheeks going red, knowing he could get a bit deep and honest with his words.

To Flora Mata (8:51 am): That’s natural me. I’m always a sap. And you make it easy.

He was proud of himself. His smirk couldn’t hide that as he sent it off. 

Flora really did make it easy. It was so natural to fall for her personality. Cameron is constantly eager as to what she’ll come up with. But not only that, she’s absolutely striking. They followed each other on Instagram, and really seeing her, Cameron doesn’t know how she doesn’t have guys fist-fighting over her.

From Flora Mata (8:53 am): Well, maybe this weekend I can experience that charm in person? 

Cameron bit his lip, his pulse uncomfortably slowing down. They text and DM when playing video games; he’s never heard her voice. And he couldn’t lie, he was disappointed when Flora said she doesn’t talk over the phone or have a gaming headset. Cameron found it a bit surprising, considering she majors in video game development. 

He grew comfortable with texting, and meeting Flora in person was the next terrifying step. She wanted to meet last weekend, but Cameron blamed being busy with a game and promising Rory to help clean. It was true, but he knew they were excuses. He was scared to pop the bubble he was in.

To Flora Mata (8:58 am): I’ll probably be dead from practice today, and Saturday is my little sister’s piano recital.

From Flora Mata (8:59 am): Sunday?

Cameron bit his lip, his nerves getting the best of him.

To Flora Mata (9:00 am): Family dinner.

He let out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face. As soon as he sent it, he wanted to scream into the pillow. 

Cameron has been doing well with therapy, he’s actually going twice a week, and Rory stays on top of him about his medicine. But still, his mind likes to toy with him. And when he didn’t hear from Flora for the next 15 minutes, he knew he had messed up.

“Hey, you’re up,” Rory furrowed his eyebrows as he walked past Cameron’s room and saw him sitting up and staring at his phone. “What’s uh- what’s goin’ on?”

“I’m an idiot,” Cameron mumbled. “I’m a terrified fucking idiot.”

“Stop,” Rory gently warned, and since his twin was awake, passed him his two morning medicines. 

Cameron huffed and unscrewed the tops before taking the two pills with a chug of water. “I am. Like-” he huffed and threw himself back against the headboard. “Why can’t I just pull my shit together enough to meet Flora?”

“She asked to see you again?” Rory bit his lip as he sat next to him on the bed, earning a nod from Cameron. “What’d you say this time?”

“I blamed practice, the recital, and family dinner,” he grumbled as he glanced at his phone and silently hoped it would ding with a text.

“Well, those things are happening,” Rory shrugged.

“Yeah, but-” Cameron shook his head frustratedly. “A girl like her deserves time to be made for her, and my fucking brain is coming up with 12 million reasons never to meet her.”

“You’re nervous, Cam. It’s okay,” Rory said softly. “Without even meeting her, you’ve fallen pretty hard. And meeting her could only make you fall harder.”

It was that. Cameron has never heard her voice, and he doesn’t know what those green eyes look like in person. And he feared if he had those things and could put the whole picture together, he’d be a goner.

“You have therapy before practice, yeah?” Rory asked.

“Yeah, at noon,” Cameron breathed out. 

“Chin up till then,” Rory nudged him before swinging his legs over the bed. “Come make breakfast with me.”

Cameron let out a deep breath and climbed out of bed but made sure to grab his phone.

To Flora Mata (9:30 am): I’m sorry… I hope your classes go well x

“Cam,” Rory said with caution to his tone. “Get off the phone.”

“It was one text,” Cameron mumbled as he started to grab ingredients for breakfast.

Rory gave him a knowing look, his twin had an awful habit of this. He saw it with Amira. Cameron would think she was mad at him and sent too many texts and called repeatedly. He’s an anxious guy, but it worried Rory that Cameron was doing it again.

He tried to distract Cameron and keep him occupied until therapy started. They made breakfast and watched a little telly before Rory unleashed his surprise.

“Hey guys!” Harry smiled brightly as he came into the flat with Dezzy.

“Pop?” Cameron asked, confused as he peered towards the door, and his frown was immediate as he saw what his father had brought. “No, no, I’m not-”

“Tell me how much you hate as you do it,” Harry was still beaming as Rory pushed the coffee table aside and got his and Cameron’s yoga mats.

His therapist recommended he try it to slow down, and Cameron huffed at the idea of yoga. So because he did, Rory made them start doing it every once in a while the past two weeks. And his pop was always an eager and fun addition.

The blue-eyed lad knew full well Cameron could never get his brain to slow down with yoga. He’s not one of those people. But his twin does complain about yoga while they’re doing it, and for a little while, Rory gets to laugh, and Cameron is distracted with something else to mutter about.

Cameron was scowling but still got on the mat between his pop and brother. 

“Your dad is really happy we’ve been doing this,” Harry said as Rory pulled up a video for them to follow.

“And he’s not doing it with us because…?” Cameron raised his eyebrows.

Rory scoffed. “He can’t touch his toes anymore,” and his twin immediately let out a barking laugh.

“Your father is still very flexible. None of that,” Harry shushed them.

Both boys grimaced, not wanting to think too hard on that one.

The video started, and Cameron was quickly rolling his eyes as his pop and brother started following. Rory picked a special breathing exercise, and Cameron could see his father was already way too into it.

“I know how to breathe,” he mumbled as he just saw some woman breathing deeply on the screen.

“There are certain ways to,” Harry breathed out slowly. “I learned a ton when I had to do my oxygen therapy, and it’s amazing how many ways there are and how they help.”

Cameron glanced at him, his pop’s eyes closed and a slight smile on his face. 

“You know when you get a rush of endorphins when playing football?” Harry asked, and Cameron nodded back, confused. “You can with breathing too,” he grinned at him. “You can calm down and just kind of chill out.”

“Pop, we all know my brain doesn’t stop,” he shook his head.

“So tell your brain to focus on your lungs. How they feel, and grow, and shrink,” Harry said, but he could see his son didn’t believe him. “Humor me for one second, will you?”

Cameron huffed, but sat like Rory and his pop were and tried not to grumble as he closed his eyes. As soon as he did, he saw flashing colors. It was almost like he could see his brain's constant electrical charges going off. It reminded him it’s always busy; his mind is.

“Breathe in slowly through your nose. Focus on how your lungs fill up and fall into your belly,” Harry said quietly, and watched Cameron as he took a long, deep breath.

Cameron sat up a little straighter as his chest expanded, and as soon as he did, he felt like he could see the oxygen running down his arms behind his closed eyelids.

“Now let it out and count down from six,” Harry smiled a little as he kept his eyes on him and loved that Rory was following along too. “Just keep doing that and focus on how your body feels.”

He watched his boys as they breathed with their eyes closed. Rory was smiling, as happy as could be. While Cameron looked relaxed, his face soft and lips slightly parted as he focused on his lungs. And it was quiet for a little bit. Harry was shocked Cameron kept going. 

After a few minutes, the 17-year-old slowly blinked his eyes open, his vision almost blurry, before fully opening them. 

“What the-”

“Shhh,” Rory shushed his twin, him still breathing.

How do you feel? Harry chuckled, letting Rory have his quiet.

Cameron opened his mouth and shifted his hands, still trying to figure that out. I don’t know.

Relaxed? Harry raised his eyebrows at him.

Yeah, I guess, Cameron was completely confused. But I had a shit morning, he didn’t understand, despite what happened with Flora, his shoulders were eased, and his chest wasn’t tight.

Things go wrong Cam, but it’s important to know how to keep moving. You breathe.

Cameron nodded as he bit his lip, his therapist always reminding him to take a step back and not immediately react. 

I guess I don’t need therapy today. I have you, he joked, but his pop gave him a playful, pointed look. 

How has it been going with therapy? Harry asked, peeking over at Rory and seeing him completely mellowed out. And keep breathing while we chat.

Cameron laughed quietly but nodded as he sat up again and took in a deep breath. It’s been good. A lot to talk about… But I’m not sobbing, which is nice.

You’re growing, Harry grinned gently back at him. I hope you see how strong you’re becoming, he signed, but Cameron scoffed and shook his head. You are, Cam. Going to war with yourself is one of the hardest things you’ll face… It’s crushing that your own mind turns on you, he signed and saw his boy let out a shaky breath. Control, buddy. Deep inhale, six seconds out.

The 17-year-old listened, not letting his mind go to the place it wanted to. 

Good job, Harry swore he felt his heart swell as he saw Cameron’s shoulders and arms relaxing again. What do you have right now? In your life?

What do you mean? Cameron asked, confused.

What’s putting a smile on your face? And keep breathing.

Cameron was quiet for a moment as he focused on his lungs, his entire body starting to feel like it was warming from the inside out. You right now, he had a timid grin. Football, Rory, dad… Everyone who helped…

Breathe, Harry reminded him. Why are they making you smile?

Cameron tried to let out a slow breath, but he felt it come out trembling as his chest suddenly went tight.

It’s okay, love, Harry signed before squeezing his leg.

I-... Cameron’s hands were still for a second. Because I feel like I’m worth fighting for.

Harry could feel tears welling in his eyes as he saw his son’s hands shaking, but he quickly nodded and pulled him in for a tight hug. “Say it out loud.”

Cameron felt a knot form in his throat, he felt like he couldn’t say those words about himself. But he needs to rewire his brain, and this is part of doing that. “I’m worth fighting for,” he whispered as he hugged his pop back.

“You are. Over and over again,” Harry rubbed his back and kissed his temple. “I know your brain tricks you, but you gotta outwit it.”

Cameron could barely nod as he let out a deep breath and let him go. Did you do this with dad?

Harry bit his lip as he looked at his lap. For a little while, your dad would have these episodes. He couldn’t remember where he was and-... And thought back to horrible things, he signed, at this point knowing Cameron was too nervous to ask Louis, but he felt like it would help their boy if he knew. I had to remind him he was him… He was Louis Tomlinson, with an amazing career, two beautiful kids, and loved so much, Harry could picture his 26-year-old terrified and heartbroken husband. You and your father have such brilliant minds. It’s remarkable, he smiled at Cameron, it almost being like Louis was in front of him. But powerful minds, minds that are always on, can be hard to manage.

I’m tired of knowing I’ll always be fighting, Cameron couldn’t meet his eyes. 

I know, buddy. But each war you win, and you’ve won them all, you come out stronger, Harry sent him a small smile. Here, he reached into his bag and pulled out a leather notebook. Your dad has been writing in this for months. I don’t know what it is, but he wanted me to give it to you today.

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows as he took the book, immediately turning to the first page. And sure enough, he saw his dad’s handwriting. The page was filled and as he flipped through, he saw that half the notebook was already written in. 

The blue-eyed lad went back to the first page and entry, more than curious about what his father could’ve written. And he felt his breath fall short as he saw the first entry date, the day Amira broke up with him.

My boy,

Life isn’t fair, and I’m so sorry you saw it today. There is no sugar coating it, having your heartbroken will tear you from the inside out. My father broke mine, and the girl you thought would be your forever suddenly vanished. Get ready for a fight. Your mind won’t be kind to you.

There will be memories and feelings you wish you could forget. But you can’t. You have to learn how to face the demon, to beat it. And it won’t come overnight. It won’t take days or a week, but many. 

I’m so sorry…

You’re loved. You’re Cameron Peter Tomlinson, one of the most impressive people I’ve ever come across. You play football beautifully. You feel, and write, and express, and you have a brain that comes up with the wildest of things. And sometimes those wild things hurt you, but you turn it into a song or draw it out in the most creative way. You’re gifted. You’re my boy.

Cameron felt his jaw go slack as he read down the page. Some were entries his dad personally wrote, and others were quotes from songs or books about fighting the battle within. He went to the last page, to the last entry his dad wrote himself from 2 weeks ago.

Cameron, my boy, oh my boy

You smiled today, and it was a real one. It was wonderful. 

You won today, mate, in so many ways.

“When you don’t know if the moon will even come, and then it lays down. And I’m telling you, man, it's sweet when it does. And when I think of you, I think of spirit defined. And I think of all the love we shared in a very dark time.”

I love you, 

Dad

I thought he started a diary until he gave it to me before I came over here, Harry smiled a little, despite not knowing what was in it, he knew it would help their son. 

The blue-eyed lad was shocked, knowing his dad could write, but not like this. And the thought that he did this all for him had him close to crying.

Are you okay? Harry asked a little worriedly as he saw Cameron wipe his wet eyes.

“I love you.”

Harry felt his breathing come up short, those three words he hadn’t heard in so long from his son. “Oh, Cam,” he got choked up as he tugged him in for a strong hug. “We love you so much.”

Cameron nodded against him, knowing, seeing, and feeling how much his parents loved him. “I’m so sorry pop.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Harry rubbed his back as he felt the 17-year-old’s tears on his neck. “We’re always in your corner, remember that.”

Cameron pulled away, trying to offer his pop a smile despite his crying. But he couldn’t hide his laugh as he saw Rory still breathing and looking like he wasn’t in this universe anymore. 

Only a second later though, Rory’s phone alarm went off, and his eyes shot open. “Time for therapy,” he looked at Cameron with a grin.

He scoffed, “feels like I already had a session,” Cameron chuckled, and as he checked the time, he saw no texts from Flora.

Rory furrowed his eyes. “Were you guys talking?”

Cameron let out a surprised laugh as his pop did. “Yes, but signing so we wouldn’t disturb you,” he teased him before pushing himself off the floor and grabbing the notebook.

“Have a great meeting, buddy,” Harry smiled at him. “Rory and I are gonna get up to some real yoga, yeah?”

“Hell yeah, I’m game,” Rory went to put on a yoga video and not a breathing one. “C’mere Dezzy, take Cam’s spot,” he pat the mat next to him.

The beagle happily trotted over, and Cameron tried not to roll his eyes, knowing the dog actually tried to follow along. “Will you be here in an hour, pop?”

“Do you want me to stay until you’re done?” Harry was a little shocked.

Cameron shrugged as he scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, I know you have work at some point-”

Harry quickly waved his hand. “I’m my own boss,” he laughed. “I’ll be here if you want me here.”

The blue-eyed lad doesn’t know why, but he found himself nervous to nod. He should’ve expected the smile his father sent him, though.

“See you in an hour, mate,” Harry winked at him before looking at Rory and seeing him pose in the downward dog. 

And seeing him all Harry wanted to do was shove him, so he did, and made his son topple over with a yelp before Cameron broke out laughing.

“I’m trying to relax!” Rory complained before getting back into position. 

“And I’m being your pop,” Harry smirked before pushing him again, but Rory quickly caught his hand, turned his bum towards him and let out a fart.

“Rory Joseph!” Harry shrieked and waved his hand, making the twins erupt in laughter as he tried to get the smell away. “My Lord, you really are your dad’s son.”

“Smell and all,” Cameron tried to contain himself at his pop’s disgusted face.

He truly didn’t want to go to therapy, and only because he wanted to keep watching the chaos. Cameron didn’t realize how much he missed these moments with his family, whether it was speaking from the heart or ripping one in their pop’s face. 

“Cam! You have 2 minutes, man,” Rory snapped him out of his daze.

He saw his twin huff and walk away, but Rory was smiling a little, knowing Cameron was only grumpy because he wanted to keep hanging out.

“So what happened this morning?” Harry asked once he heard Cameron’s bedroom door close.

They both followed the instructor on the screen, and Rory made sure he was comfortable on his feet before talking.

“Flora wants to meet him, and he keeps giving her excuses he can’t. He’s just scared.”

Harry was quiet for a second. He and Louis had talked a little bit about their son dating again. “Well, when he’s ready and feels confident, he’ll take the next step.”

“She sounds great,” Rory smiled as he relaxed into the pose. “Cam won’t shut up about her, and they’re always texting. It’s cute he still giggles.”

Harry’s smile was inevitable as he heard that, and he and Rory switched to the next pose. “You do too. You’ve never stopped, and Emerson made you worse,” he teased him.

Rory’s cheeks went red as he shrugged. “Hopefully, we’ll be like you guys in 30 years. You’re still a mess around each other,” he joked back.

“He’s my best mate,” Harry grinned softly. “Makes love easier, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Rory breathed out deeply through his own smile. “I know I got lucky.”

“You did. But luck can only get you so far. It’s hard to hold onto a relationship, even when you know every part of the other person,” Harry truly loved he could have chats like this with his kids now. 

Rory nodded, knowing there were a few difficult points in his dads’ relationship. It was hard to hear when Cody was a baby that they were close to separating. But they made it through that and so much more over 30 years.

“You and dad give me hope that Emerson and I can do it,” Rory smiled, his chest heating up at the thought of a crazy, wonderful life like that with his partner. “Minus the six kids. Totally not happening.”

Harry let out a surprised laugh as they followed the instructor on the screen. “What’s the plan then?”

“We agreed three, max,” Rory scoffed. “The only one to worry about having an army is Cody.”

The green-eyed man hummed, knowing his son was just as crazy as Louis when it comes to babies. “Have you guys talked about who’s carrying or adoption or anything like that?”

“Yeah, a little,” Rory said quietly. “I dunno, I feel bad ‘cause I don’t want to carry, and Emerson said they might get dysphoric. So, we researched surrogacy and a bit about adoption.”

“Neither of you should do something you’re uncomfortable with, and it’s okay you feel like that,” Harry reminded him. “There are plenty of options.”

Rory snickered as he rolled his eyes. “You and dad grandbaby crazy again?”

“Your father is constantly craving babies,” Harry chuckled fondly. “None from you, though. Not yet.”

“Don’t worry, pop. You have two and a half more years before I ask them to marry me. But be warned, as soon as I do, it’s game on,” he joked.

“And here I thought you would ask once you were both 18.”

Rory snapped his head to his father as he heard him laughing. “But I turn 18 next week, and Emerson does in two months.”

“I’m fully aware of your birthdays,” Harry made fun of him.

“Yeah, but like-” Rory fully stood up and looked at his pop wide-eyed. “Is that- like- no, no. I can’t do that. You and dad wouldn’t let me propose.” 

“Ror, I’m teasing,” he laughed and continued with his yoga. “And you know your father and I would never stop you from doing anything so long as it doesn’t harm you.”

Rory was frozen, his brain lighting up like fireworks. In his mind, he told himself they would wait until they were 20. But if his parents weren’t going to be upset, why wait? He loves Emerson, and the love and support he pours out gets returned to him. Rory wanted them for the rest of his life.

“Oh boy, classic Tomlinson determination,” Harry saw the look written on his face, knowing he unlocked a beast. “Don’t jump, mate. Think about it, let it sit.”

Rory nodded, but his heart knew what it wanted. “Emerson texted me this morning that they have news. I think I know what it is,” he smiled before posing with his father again. “M’gonna take them to dinner tonight.”

“So, good news?”

“I think RuPaul news,” his smile only widened. “I can tell Emerson is trying to keep cool and they should hear any day now if they got on the show.”

“It would be amazing if they did. They’ve come so far in 3 years,” Harry was close to shocked by Emerson’s drag. “And you helped tremendously with that. You makeup king.”

Rory smiled bashfully. “I want to help them grow.”

“And that’s husband material,” Harry raised his fist for Rory to bump it, making his son laugh. “You two have a great thing going.”

Rory knew they did, and had no problem gushing to his father about his partner until Cameron was done with therapy. 

Their pop made lunch with them and stayed until they had to leave for practice. Of course before leaving Harry made sure to hug and kiss them until they were squirming and begging him to leave.

“Ready to kick some arse today?” Rory smiled as they drove to the stadium.

“Yeah.”

Rory furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced over at Cameron. “What’s wrong?”

“Just nervous to see Mata,” he muttered. “I don’t know if Flora told him anything, and after therapy, I’ve just had a lot to think about.”

“What? With her?” Rory asked.

Cameron hummed and nodded. “M’gonna make sure I see dad before Mata. I need his opinion on something.”

Rory couldn’t hide he was curious, it being obvious his twin was battling with himself over something. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, m’fine,” Cameron assured him. “I’m gonna talk to dad and have a good practice,” he needed to tell himself today can continue to be a good day despite a few bumps.

“Atta boy,” Rory smiled at him.

They pulled up to the stadium and waved as a few other guys walked in. Cameron was on a mission though, and as soon as he got to the pitch, he was in search of his dad. But of course as he was scanning the area, his eyes caught Mata. And Cameron swore he saw a little bit of annoyance behind his gaze.

He couldn’t focus on him though, he had to find his dad before practice. And once he did, he jogged to him and quickly wrapped his arms around his father.

“Whoa! Hey- who-” Louis jumped, but once he saw it was Cameron, he lit up. “Well, hi kid,” he laughed and hugged him back. “That’s a great start to practice.”

Cameron laughed, holding onto him a little tighter. “Thank you so much for the notebook.”

Louis felt his pulse slow, his smile soft as he squeezed him. “I love you, buddy.”

“I love you too,” Cameron mumbled into his shoulder, and when he pulled away he saw his dad’s eyes go glassy. “I uhm, I’m sorry, but I wanted to talk to you before practice.”

“Yeah, of course,” Louis looked at him softly. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m okay. I just- I had therapy, and two questions I had for you came up in my session, and my brain won’t stop,” Cameron ran a hand over his face. “I know we need to practice, but I feel like it’ll be hard if I don’t talk-”

“Hey, relax, yeah?” Louis smiled at him and rubbed his arm. “We can chat.”

Cameron was honestly relieved and followed his dad to a bench away from the team.

“What’s up, mate?” Louis asked as they sat.

The 17-year-old was nervous, but needed help. His dad’s help specifically. “The uhm… The notebook,” Cameron said quietly, and as soon as he mentioned it, he saw his dad shifting in his seat. “Why did you wait to give it to me?”

Louis was quiet for a moment as he looked at his hands, knowing his son would want to talk about it, but just like Cameron, he was nervous. “I knew you would make it out. I knew you could win,” he said just loud enough for him to hear. “And I wanted to track the days, all the shit, and show you, you came out alive,” Louis offered him a gentle smile. “Now you have it to look back to in case you get a bit lost again.”

Cameron didn’t know what to say, his dad knowing the hard days aren’t done. They’ll never be over, and it’s terrifying that they could pop up at any time. 

“It really means a lot,” he had a feeling he’d be peeking in the notebook for the rest of his life. “Do you think like- well, I’m doing better, yeah?”

“You’re doing great,” Louis assured him. “Practice is going well, and Rory said you’re waking up earlier, and pop told me he taught you how to breathe today,” he slightly teased him. “I hate how much that shit helps.”

“You and me both,” Cameron muttered through a laugh, him and his dad a bit stubborn about admitting techniques that work. “But uh am I like, I dunno, mentally stable?” He asked nervously.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows. “Where is this coming from?”

Cameron nibbled on his bottom lip as he shrugged, feeling his heart rate pick up. “Long story short, I messed up with Flora this morning… She wants to meet me, but I’m scared I’m not mentally ready, and Mata looks pissed at me and-”

“Cam,” Louis made him pause as he rubbed his back. “Listen, if you don’t feel ready, then you’re not ready, mate. And you communicate that to Flora. With what happened, it’s understandable you’re nervous,” he said softly. 

The blue-eyed lad was more so lost. He knew it was important to figure himself out, that he had to have a good head on his shoulders before offering his heart and trying to accept someone else’s. Flora was half of what he talked about in therapy, and Cameron felt like he needed another hour to figure out how he was feeling.

“I want to meet her,” he said quietly, knowing that to his core. “But this is the second time this has happened… I had a major crash, and a girl appeared to save me,” Cameron was almost frustrated by it.

“Buddy, it’s important to find your own happiness, always,” Louis nodded. “But, having a hand to hold and some hope goes a long way. You just can’t always depend on it.”

Cameron let out a deep breath, his doctor telling him close to the same thing. 

“Do you feel ready to date?”

“I think so,” he said quietly as he played with his fingers anxiously. “She’s amazing, and I haven’t even heard her voice yet,” Cameron smiled slightly just at the thought.

Louis raised his eyebrows, surprised. “If you like her, Cam, try,” he encouraged him. “If you don’t, you’ll constantly ask yourself “what if?”.”

Cameron had met more than a few girls when he went out. None of them sparked his interest. None of them made him smile, laugh, or challenge him like Flora. And he hasn’t even met her in person yet. Cameron barely knew her, but he was aching to.

“Can uhm- can I send off a quick text before we start practice?” 

“Sprint kid,” Louis clapped him on the shoulder before getting up. “Send your text, then I want focus.”

“Heard,” Cameron quickly nodded before running as fast as he could to his phone.

He nearly dropped his cell as he yanked it out of his bag, and once he had it, his hands were shaking. But he wanted to do this more than anything. Cameron had to get out of his head.

Of course, still no texts from Flora, but he was hoping this could change everything.

To Flora Mata (3:05 pm): Flora, I’m sorry. I really am… I’m not in the right headspace to meet up tonight, and I swear I’m busy this weekend with my family… But next Saturday, I’m yours. Let’s have a date.

Cameron let out a deep breath as he sent it, and once he did, he threw his phone back in his bag and jogged back to the pitch. Now he had the grueling task of focusing on football and not her, but maybe he needed to shut that part of his brain down for a little while.

Cameron got back to his team for warm-ups, but of course as they got to stretching Mata made sure he was next to him.

“What’re you doing with her?”

Cameron gulped, barely able to look at the older man as he narrowed his eyes at him. “N-nothing, I swear.”

“Exactly, nothing,” Mata was clearly annoyed. “She likes you, man. And playing around the way you are isn’t cool. You’re leading her on.”

Cameron let out a deep breath, trying to control his heart rate but feeling like he was failing. “Listen, I just- I want to make sure I’m mentally okay and stable. I can’t hurt her.”

Mata furrowed his eyebrows, his anger diminishing. 

“I texted her before practice and asked to go out next weekend,” Cameron said quietly. “I like her, I really do,” it scared him how much. “I just need a week.”

Mata nodded, looking at the younger lad gently. “Sorry, I went attack dog.”

“You’re her brother, mate,” Cameron slightly chuckled as he continued stretching. “Thanks for even giving me the chance to go out with her.”

“You’re a great guy, and I know you two have a ton in common,” Mata offered him the smallest smile. “I think you can help each other heal.”

Cameron was quiet hearing that. He can’t imagine how someone could hurt Flora. He can’t imagine the funny, sarcastic, caring, and witty girl in pain.

The blue-eyed lad was good during practice. Mata told him Flora likes him, and he knew that, but it hit differently hearing it from her brother. It gave him hope.

After they had finished practice, Cameron nearly sprinted to the locker room for his phone. He looked like a madman, and Rory was screaming after him what he was doing. He was praying to have a message from Flora.

When he unlocked his phone, he swore his heart started pounding, seeing he had one.

From Flora Mata (4:45 pm): Please don’t back out.

To Flora Mata (6:05 pm): I won’t. I promise. Saturday night, 7 pm at Terrace.

Cameron swallowed thickly, feeling like he was diving into the deep end. But he was determined to keep his head above of the water.

From Flora Mata (6:07 pm): It’s a date 😁

Finally, he could breathe. Cameron didn’t realize how tense he was until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You alright?” Rory furrowed his eyebrows as his twin jumped.

“I asked her out,” as Cameron said it he still couldn’t believe it. “We have a date next Saturday.”

“Hell yeah, dude!” Rory was beaming. “This is awesome, congrats.”

Cameron was anxious. He felt it through his whole body. But he wanted this, wanted her, and he had to fight it. It was terrifying knowing he would have to open up and would have to allow someone to get to know his core. Cameron couldn’t scare her away. He dreaded what would happen if she learned too much she didn’t like.

“Breathe,” Rory rubbed his arm, seeing the gears turning in his twin’s head. “You got this, mate. She likes you.”

Cameron was sure he was going to need Rory to repeat that to him like a mantra until next Saturday. 

“You gonna be okay at the flat alone tonight?” Rory checked with him. “I was gonna take Emerson to dinner-”

“I’m fine, really,” Cameron didn’t need him worrying. “Enjoy your Friday night. M’just gonna be at home, probably gaming with Flora.”

“Okay,” Rory smiled gently at him. 

The pair grabbaed their things, opting to shower at home, and made sure to say goodbye to their dad before they left. 

Rory was a little too eager to get home. The faster he cleaned up, the faster he could see Emerson. They’d been texting all day, and Rory knew his partner was over the moon about something. 

“Where are ya taking Emerson?” Cameron asked as his twin came into the living room wearing a suit.

“I’m taking them to Hawksmoon,” Rory was excitedly jittering as he put his shoes on.

“Ooh, look at you, mister fancy,” Cameron teased him. 

“We make money now. I want to spoil them,” Rory shrugged. 

“You have been since we were 14,” Cameron rolled his eyes, Rory going above and beyond for Emerson.

“And I never intend to stop,” Rory was beaming as he grabbed his keys. “I’ll text when I’m on the way home.”

He watched Cameron wave, and he said a quick “have fun,” before Rory was out the door.

There was no hiding it, he was excited. Rory tried not to race to Emerson’s, too eager to hear their news. Of course, he knew his partner would wait until dinner, but Rory wasn’t sure he could hold out that long.

“Hey love!” Emerson ran to the car before Rory could get out to knock on the door.

“Hey you,” Rory smiled as he leaned over the middle console to connect their lips. “So, what’s-”

“Nope. Dinner,” Emerson was bouncing in their seat as they buckled themselves.

Rory huffed, that being the first attempt. And as they drove to the restaurant, he made about ten more, but nothing worked. Emerson steered the conversation elsewhere, and Rory was only growing more eager.

“Hi, reservation for Tomlinson,” Rory impatiently bounced on his heels as they went up to the host stand. 

He took Emerson’s hand as they were shown to their table, and pulled out their chair for them. And as soon as Rory took his seat, he raised his eyebrows at the green-eyed person.

“So-”

“I got onto RuPaul!” Emerson nearly shrieked as they jumped in their chair.

Despite just sitting, Rory was out of his seat in seconds and lunging for his partner. “You did it! I knew you could! You fussed and worried and-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Emerson chuckled as they hugged him back and turned their head just enough to kiss Rory. “Thank you for believing in me.”

“Always,” Rory smiled softly at them as he cupped their cheeks and pecked their lips one more time. “I can’t believe it- I mean, I can, it’s just-” he was at a loss for words, knowing this could start Emerson’s career.”When do you leave?” Rory sat again.

Emerson was quiet for a moment as they bit their lip. “Next Saturday.”

“What?” Rory barely whispered. “A week to plan outfits and hair and-”

“I know,” Emerson rubbed a hand over their face, already feeling the pressure. “I was really hoping for more time to practice makeup.”

“You’ll come over every day, and we’ll do it together,” Rory reached across the table to squeeze their hand. “I can call around for someone to help make dresses. It’s okay, love.”

Emeron grinned at him, as always their boyfriend ready and willing to do anything to help. “I’m excited, but-... I’m nervous.”

“Of course you are, and that’s okay. I mean, it’s a huge competition and-”

“No, no,” Emerson shook their head, holding into Rory’s hand a little tighter. “I’m nervous about you not being there… We haven’t spent more than two days apart since we were 15.”

Rory felt a heaviness come over him. He tried not to think about it. During filming Rory can’t contact them. He’s not allowed to text or call or have any updates. So, not only was there not seeing Emerson, but not talking to them either.

“How long does filming take?” He was scared for the answer.

“A month,” Emerson said quietly and felt their heart crack as Rory let out a deep breath to calm down. 

“I can’t talk to you for a month? I-” Rory couldn’t even fathom the thought.

“I know, love. And I’m sorry, I really am,” the honesty in their tone bleeding out.

Rory took a moment, it being too hard to process what a month without his partner would be like. “This is amazing for your career though, and just you as a person,” he tried to smile at them. “You’ll probably be the youngest contestant this season, and you’re the first non-binary contestant ever.”

There was a lot to be nervous about, those being two of Emerson’s. “Some of these queens will have a decade or two on me,” the thought shook them up.

“But you got picked for a reason,” Rory smiled at them. “You’re unique and so talented… The world will see it, and that’s why Ru picked you. To open eyes.”

Emerson swears their boyfriend always says the right things. He easily got them to relax and gain a bit more confidence. “I’m just-... I’m gonna miss you. I’ve never done drag without you.”

“You’ll do great,” Rorry offered them a reassuring smile. “I don’t do anything but be your cheerleader.”

“And it’s gonna suck not to have that,” Emerson chuckled nervously. “You always know how to calm me down.”

“I’d like to think I know you pretty well at this point,” Rory winked at them. “I won’t be there, but you know I’m always cheering for you.”

Emerson nodded as they bit back a smile. “At least I’ll be here for your birthday next Friday.”

“We’ll celebrate properly before sending you off,” Rory wanted to keep it light. “And when you get back, we’ll throw a party to celebrate you winning.”

He could see Emerson’s face go red, but Rory had nothing but faith in his partner. He knew what they were capable of, and Rory was excited for Emerson to show off to the world.

It was painful knowing he couldn’t talk or see them for a month. But Rory knew they’d be coming back home to him with a crown on their head. No doubt about it.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

November

Harry had a skip in his step as he walked down the hall, and when he got to Louis’ office door, he carefully pushed it open. The older man was concentrating hard on something he was working on on the computer, and Harry found his serious face all too adorable. His eyebrows furrowed, and his tongue stuck out between the side of his lips. Harry had been seeing this face since their first date. He loved it.

“Hey, handsome,” Harry smiled at him, and when Louis picked his head up, the blue-eyed lad’s grin was immediate.

“Hey, what’s up?” Louis’ smile reached his eyes as Harry came over to sit on his lap.

“Charlie is out of the house tonight, so I was thinking-”

“Yes.”

Harry laughed. “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“I know when you’re about to offer up something good,” Louis wiggled his eyebrows at him and held Harry a little tighter.

“Great, I’m glad you're on board,” the younger man pecked his lips. “So I came up with a list of chores-” Louis groaned before he could say anymore and tried to get Harry off his lap. “Kidding, kidding,” he chuckled, making sure he stayed on his husband as he wrapped his arms around his neck. “I ordered Chinese, it’s already here. So I was thinking a bottle of wine and attempting to eat in the hot tub.”

Louis hummed and smiled into his neck. “Make it two bottles,” he chuckled. “And are ya sure ya wanna eat in the hot tub? Last time we basically had a food fight, and it was a bitch to clean.”

“Then how about you feed me with grace this time and try not to shove anything down my throat.”

The blue-eyed lad was quickly smirking. “Oh, I’ll shove something down your throat,” he muttered before getting his husband to stand up so he could.

“Mr. Tomlinson, my word,” Harry playfully gasped but was smiling as he said it.

“Maybe next weekend we can go out on a real date night, get you all dressed up,” Louis said as they walked to the kitchen. “I haven’t seen you in a suit in too long.”

“Gonna wine and dine me?” Harry smiled softly at him as he grabbed two glasses and a bottle of wine.

“You know it, love. The house hasn’t been this empty in almost 28 years, and I’m doing a shitty job of taking you out,” Louis said, peeking into the Chinese bag and nearly groaning as Harry got all of his favorites.

Harry offered him a small smile. “It’s alright, Lou. We’ve had a lot going on.”

Even if Harry said it was okay, Louis felt like it wasn’t. Something was constantly going on with one of the kids, and even with them out of the house, they were stressed. It’s been hard not to worry, and Louis knew that’s what he and his husband have been doing instead of focusing on each other.

“Ready, sweetheart?” Louis made sure he had all of the food.

“Yeah, lights are on, and towels are already out back,” Harry smiled at him before grabbing the wine and glasses and following Louis.

As soon as the two stepped outside, they shivered at the November cold, but they knew they wouldn't even notice the chill once they got in the hot tub.

Harry watched Louis undress, his smile soft as he saw the 49-year-old eagerly stripping down to nude. It was obvious how happy Louis was that they could do this now. They haven’t had a complete empty house in what feels like since Alexis was born.

“Do you ever get nervous thinking about what it’ll be like with the kids gone? Like, complete empty nest?” Harry followed after Louis, and his husband helped him climb into the tub.

“Sometimes,” Louis said quietly, and once they were both settled, he reached for their glasses and passed one to Harry. “We only lived together for like half a year before we had Al. And I can’t lie, I’m scared you’ll get sick of being stuck with me.”

“Oh, stop,” Harry rolled his eyes as he chuckled. “It’s been damn near 32 years we’ve been together, and I’m nowhere close to being sick of you.”

“You don’t think with the kids out of the house, we’ll have less to talk about?” Louis bit his lip, hoping the bubbling water could relax his muscles.

“Hell no,” Harry scoffed. “We’ve seen very clearly these past few months that there’s always something going on with the Tomlinson clan.”

Louis hummed. “I always thought their younger years would be the hardest part… Turns out I was horribly wrong,” he chuckled before sipping his wine.

“They’re all doing well. You need to remember that,” Harry said gently before kissing his cheek and rubbing his back.

Louis looked down at the water and his thoughts brought him back to when all the kids were in the house. Alexis was 16, and Charlie was just born. It was so simple back then, and he didn’t even know it.

“Remember when their biggest worry was always what was for dinner?” he chuckled fondly. “It all just seems so much more complicated now.”

Harry let out a deep breath before sipping his wine. There was no denying the stress grew as the kids got older. They were becoming their own people and finding their way through a chaotic world. And it was hard not to think that more than half the kids were going through hardships that they couldn’t magically fix.

“All we can do is be there for all of them,” Harry said quietly as Louis rested his head on his shoulder. “Six varying personalities and vastly different lives are hard to keep track of.”

“At least we know we’ll never be bored with this lot,” Louis joked. “32 years ago, we were a month into dating, and now look…”

“We’ve created a lot of lives,” Harry laughed a little, not just the kids, but their grandkids as well. “How many grandbabies do you think we’ll end up with?”

“30, and 20 come from Cody,” Louis chuckled into his wine glass before taking a sip. “I dunno, H… I’m worried about him. And Al, and Cam, and Rory,” he huffed.

“Cam we can call after his date tonight,” Harry pulled him impossibly closer and kissed his temple. “And don’t stress about Rory, he-”

“He wants to get married!” Louis said wide-eyed. “He’s 18, and they haven’t even lived together and-”

The green eyed man carefully rubbed along his side, already hearing his husband about to go into a tizzy. “Love, he found his person,” there was no doubt in Harry’s mind. “I know marriage is a big step-”

“H, it’s huge,” Louis shook his head. “Like a legally binding contract at 18. And you and I both know they're gonna talk about kids as soon as they’re married.”

“You need to be more open-minded,” Harry said, shaking his head. “They’ve been together for four years, and it hasn’t been perfect, but they make it out stronger, always,” he reminded him. “We wanted to get married young, but you wanted the security of having football and that paycheck. Well, guess what? He already has it.”

Louis was quiet for a second as he watched the roaring bubbles in the water. “I dunno…” he tried to organize his thoughts. “I’m not against it, of course he can ask,” Louis said quietly as pressed himself against Harry, needing his comfort. “I’m just nervous they’re too young.”

“They know they have everything they need from one another,” Harry smiled softly down at him before kissing his forehead. “Support, love, and a whole lot of laughter.”

The older man nodded. He would never tell Rory not to marry Emerson. That would be ridiculous and a quick way into a fight. But there will always be that worry that his son sees the world through rose-tinted glasses.

Harry grabbed their food, and Louis could already see this was a recipe for disaster. But eating out in a hot tub under the stars with his husband was just what he needed.

“Have you talked to Cam today?” Harry asked before taking a bite of his food.

Louis hummed and nodded as he finished swallowing. “A little. He said the notebook has been his savior,” he laughed quietly.

Harry looked at his husband softly. “Thank you for doing that for him. I don’t know what’s in it, but thank you.”

“It’s important he knows he’s not alone,” Louis said quietly. “Not gonna lie, I was sobbing writing half of it,” he had to make fun of himself a bit. “You helped too, though. Just like you helped me all those years ago.”

Seeing Cameron the way he’s been has been torturous. Harry hated how ruthlessly he was fighting his own mind, and it was hard not to think about his husband at 26.

“I just-... I remember how scared you were,” Harry bit his lip. “You were scared of yourself and scared of being a dad and a husband. It-” he was at a loss for words, thinking back to his sobbing, lost, and confused husband. “It fucking hurts he’s going through something similar.”

“But he’s finding his way out of it,” Louis reminded him. “He’ll see just how strong he is.”

“Just like his dad,” Harry offered him a gentle smile.

Louis grinned back at him before putting his food off the side to get a real cuddle. And he was happy Harry did the same so he could wrap his arms around him.

The blue-eyed man sucked in a deep breath, for a moment relishing in the feeling of the warm water and his husband holding him. He’ll have these moments when the past 32 years will replay in his mind, all the little moments that turned them into the people they are today.

“Do you remember when we were 17 and 15, and we’d stay up and dream and hope and plan our lives together?” Louis asked softly, getting the younger man to look down at him with a fond smile. “Did you think we’d get this?”

Harry’s smile only grew, his dimples noticeable as he nodded. “You told me I was yours, and I already knew you were mine… Anything that came after that would be wonderful, no matter what.”

Louis’ grin reached his eyes as he gently leaned in to connect their lips, and Harry wasted no time before cupping the back of his neck to pull him closer. He loved that after three decades, his husband continuously got his heart racing, even just with words.

But Harry really got Louis going as he shifted himself to straddle the older man, and Louis swears he’ll never get used to that electric charge that courses through him every time they kiss.

The steam from the tub was working wonders, and as Harry climbed on top of him, it was hard not to groan feeling their lengths press together. 32 years, and the curly-haired man still gets his toes to curl, gets his gut twisting.

For a while, there was a fear that the spark would disappear, that they knew everything about one another, and after so long it would get boring. But it was impossible to get bored with Louis, and there was no denying the blue-eyed man constantly aches for his husband. That will never change.

“Lou,” Harry gulped as the older lad started rocking his hips under him.

“Hold on tight, love,” Louis smirked as his hands found Harry’s arse. “M’gonna take you for a ride.”

The green-eyed man could barely laugh before he felt two fingers slowly working their way inside him. All he could do was nod quickly, and because he’s always an impatient man when it comes to his husband, he dropped right onto his fingers and started riding them.

“Fucking gorgeous like this,” Louis’ eyes were shining watching him, and Harry's bashful chuckle made it even better. “Remember the first time I fingered you?”

Harry swallowed thickly as he let his eyes fall shut, his stomach churning in the best way as his husband curved his fingers. “It was five months after we started dating,” he remembers how slow Louis was, how careful. “You had me begging for your dick 5 minutes into it. So good,” Harry breathed out, that same feeling brewing in him now.

“And what did I say?” Louis smirked, his eyes locked on the curly-haired man as his fingers moved at a painstaking pace.

“Fuck,” Harry groaned, Louis knowing just how to work him.

He felt his head going dizzy, and as the seconds passed, he could feel their growing hards grinding quicker together. But then he thought of Louis’ question, somewhat coming back online, and an immediately enamored smile came over him.

“You told me to wait,” Harry said breathlessly. “You said, “we’ll have plenty of time to fuck in our 50’s. Right now, I’m learning to love you so I can keep you that long”,” he said with a fond laugh, not thinking back on that until now.

Harry met Louis’ eyes; the same blue color that got his lungs to empty had always been the same. But there were some nights they were glowing, and tonight was one of those nights. Harry loved that the 17-year-old guy he fell in love with would always be a part of him.

“And it worked, right?” Louis whispered between them as he snuck a third finger in and pressed deep into Harry.

“Y-yeah, yeah,” Harry could barely say as his back arched, and a low moan escaped him.

“I knew quickly you’d be my forever. And I only had one shot to get it right,” Louis watched as he started to break apart.

Harry knew if he heard anymore, he would unload, so he heavily pressed his lips to Louis’, the man under him gasping before groaning against him and letting his fingers pick up their pace.

The green-eyed lad was grateful for it, his stomach was ready to burst, and his dick was rock hard. Around him the water was beginning to splash over the sides, and it only worsened as Harry ground against Louis.

He was chasing that rush, and by how feverishly Louis was kissing him, Harry knew his husband was in the same state.

“Are you gonna take me to the bedroom?” Harry asked as he pulled away and caught his breath.

“Hell no,” Louis’ lips immediately found his chest to suck a love bite into his skin. “M’just gonna pull out.”

Harry rolled his eyes as he chuckled. “Love, that’s not effective.”

“It is enough for me right now. I’m fucking you in this hot tub.”

Harry hid his laughter in Louis’ hair as he traveled along his chest. They’ve gambled plenty of times with this, and Harry wondered just how many more times they could get away with it. It did bring a level of thrill, plus there was no denying they hated condoms. Harry didn’t think much before he was willing to risk it and told his husband he couldn’t wait any longer.

Harry swore that as soon as Louis was in him, it was like a race to see who could finish first. The blue-eyed man took complete advantage of the water and had no problem thrusting up into his husband, relishing the feeling of how tight he was, plus the jet stream shooting on his back.

Within minutes, Louis felt close to losing it, the burning in his gut was an absolute blaze and only getting worse as Harry clenched around him. Harry’s hands were all over him, his skin slicked, and his hips moving furiously to get Louis off.

And it was working, of course. Louis was a heaving mess into Harry’s neck, and his groans were echoing into the open air. 20 years ago, he would’ve been ashamed of how quickly he cums now, but he’s nearing 50, and his stamina definitely decreased.

“M’close,” Louis gasped out, as soon as he did Harry was sucking at his skin and sped up riding him.

“Lou, pull out,” Harry reminded him.

The older man squeezed his eyes shut, thrusting deep in Harry and getting his husband to let out a low moan before crashing their lips together. Louis kissed him heavily, over and over, as he reached for Harry’s length and started jerking him off under the water.

“Fuck, keep doing that,” Harry said through gritted teeth.

Watching Harry was always one of the best parts about sex. Just looking at his face, Louis could see what his husband needed. He knew Harry was close, and there were always four words that got the green-eyed man to let himself go within seconds.

“Hey,” Louis made Harry look at him, and as soon as he did, a fond smile made it’s way to the older man’s face. “I love you Mr. Tomlinson.”

With one more deep thrust, as predicted, Harry came with a loud groan into Louis’ neck. And the blue-eyed lad was right behind him, feeling Harry trembling in his arms got his pulse spiking, and within seconds, had to pull out and came moaning Harry’s name.

“Oooh, oh, holy fuck,” Louis blinked a few times as he began to relax from his rush. “Looks like we splashed out half the water.”

Harry chuckled, amused as he looked in the tub and definitely saw a fair amount was gone. “We’ll clean it and refill it tomorrow.”

“And Charlie won’t even notice. It’s beautiful,” Louis laughed, knowing if all the kids still lived at home, at least two of them would be asking what happened.

“Well, she’s at a sleepover, so we have free reign of the entire house,” Harry slightly smirked.

“So kitchen?” Louis raised his eyebrows, and Harry nodded. “And living room? And the office? And-”

“Geeze Lou,” Harry laughed as he cuddled into the older lad’s side. “I’ll be shocked if your old arse doesn’t fall asleep right here in the tub.”

“Fuck off,” Louis chuckled and rolled his eyes, hating his husband would probably be right. “We can’t forget, we need to call Cam later.”

Harry nearly jumped as he heard that and quickly reached for his phone to check the time. “He should be meeting her any minute,” he breathed out nervously.

“Relax,” Louis rubbed his chest. “Cams a total sweetheart. He'll do great tonight. I have no doubt about it.”

Cameron’s POV

Cameron let out a deep breath as he stared at the restaurant’s door. He knew he could do nothing to prepare for this night properly. His sisters were a huge help with picking out his outfit and made sure his hair was perfectly styled, but still, he felt like a wreck.

Cameron hadn’t made any effort to look nice for months, and when he saw himself in the mirror, he had to admit he missed looking handsome. But now, the time to actually meet Flora was upon him, and it felt like all the anxiety he had throughout the day was crashing down on him all at once.

It took all of his strength to remind himself that she’s been aching to meet him. They have lovely conversations, and he has texts from her about how excited she is for tonight.

The blue-eyed lad took a second and let out a deep breath. “She’s excited, and I’m excited. It’s gonna be a good night,” Cameron said under his breath.

He felt crazy talking to himself, but sometimes, it was the only thing that grounded him. It did just enough to give him the courage to walk to the restaurant’s door and pull it open to step inside.

Cameron tried to focus on his breathing and solely think about how his lungs felt as he walked to the host stand. “Hi, uhm, reservation for Tomlinson,” he shifted his weight on his feet nervously.

“Yes, yes, of course, Mr.Tomlinson,” the host smiled at him before gathering menus. “On behalf of the entire staff, thank you for dining with us this evening. You and your brother are great players.”

“Oh,” Cameron furrowed his eyebrows, clearly a bit taken aback. “Uhm, thank you, I appreciate that.”

“If there’s anything you need throughout the night, please don’t hesitate to ask,” the host said, leading him to his table.

The younger lad smiled a little, liking the special treatment. But of course, there were only so many perks to being famous. Luckily, Cameron has been good at staying below the radar and out of paps' view.

Cameron said a quiet “thank you” to the host once he was shown to his table and let out a deep breath as soon as he sat. His heart felt like it was vibrating, and he knew his hands were sweating profusely.

It was terrifying. After talking to Flora for nearly a month, he was finally going to meet her. He was going to hear her voice and laugh and see all the quirks that make her who she is in person. The more Cameron thought about what she sounded like, the more eager he became to hear her and put a face and voice with all the messages.

He wiped his palms on his pants anxiously and looked around the restaurant. Cameron felt like he couldn’t sit still, and when he glanced at the time, he was slightly annoyed at himself for leaving the flat so early.

The blue-eyed lad was 15 minutes early, and Cameron knew it would pass tortuously slowly. After two minutes of sitting there, he had already chugged half his water. His mind was racing, not knowing what they would talk about, and he hoped that no matter how many times he’d put his foot in his mouth, Flora would look past it.

Cameron felt his phone go off in his pocket, and when he saw Flora’s name on the screen, his heart stopped.

From Flora Mata (6:50 pm): Just got here! I know I beat you 😜 no man shows up early lol

Cameron smiled a little too much as he read it. This was already off to a great start.

To Flora Mata (6:51 pm): You sure about that?

He watched carefully for her to turn the corner with the host, and as the seconds passed, his knee bounced more and more furiously.

But then Cameron saw her. Flora’s eyes were focused on her phone, and Cameron saw her stop in her tracks and her jaw go slack. He knew she must’ve read the message, as a moment later, her head snapped up, and a blinding smile came over her as she saw him.

Cameron was at a bit of a loss, rarely being the reason behind someone’s smile, and her’s was beautiful. She was quite literally breathtaking, and as she rushed past the host to get to the table, Cameron couldn’t help but watch her fondly. She was so excited to see him, and it sent a charge through his whole body.

The blue-eyed lad didn’t know what to do, whether to shake her hand or something else as he stood up. But Cameron didn’t even have time to think before he felt Flora’s arms around his neck, and she tugged him down so she could hold on tightly to him.

He was startled, but feeling her heart against his got his blood pumping in an addictive way. Flora was holding him with care and desire. It took Cameron no more than a second before he wrapped his arms around her petite frame and pulled her impossibly closer. He lifted her up a little without even meaning to, and when he heard Flora giggle, he swore his heart dipped.

“Hi.”

The blue-eyed lad smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder. Even with her so close, he could barely hear her. But he did; he finally heard her voice.

“Hey,” Cameron held on a little tighter as he felt her rubbing his back.

He really liked being in her arms. He liked feeling her breath against his neck and knowing she was hugging him with intent. They definitely had a long hug for just meeting, and even when they both pulled away with bashful smiles, they knew they could’ve hugged even longer, and it wouldn’t have been a problem.

“Here, let me get your chair,” Cameron rushed to pull it out for her.

Again, there was her gorgeous smile. He would do anything to see it the entire night.

“Thanks,” Flora said quietly.

Cameron noticed she talked softly, it was almost hard to hear her. And as he took his seat, he felt his nerves picking up again, knowing he needed to provide enough conversation to last a dinner.

“S-so uhm, it’s kinda crazy we’ve been talking for a month, and I don’t know the basics about you. Just your absolute ruthless gaming style,” Cameron laughed timidily as he scratched the back of his neck. “Like uh, I know you study video game development, but where at?”

“The University of Manchester,” Flora’s nervous smile was evident. “I’m in my third year.”

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows slightly. The way she spoke, the soft monotone, was strangely familiar. He couldn’t place it, though. Cameron thought she would have a Spanish accent, considering she was from Spain, but he couldn’t place much of an accent at all.

“Third year?” Cameron was surprised. “Wait- how old are you?” He realized he had never asked.

Flora chuckled, noticing his face reacted way before he spoke. It was almost like it took him a second to figure out what he wanted to say. “I turned 20 two months ago. And you’re 17, right?”

Cameron almost had to lean on the table to hear her, and he couldn’t help but notice Flora was the type to talk with her hands. He found it adorable.

“I uh- well, I actually turned 18 yesterday,” Cameron said a little bashfully, and if Flora is anything like how she texts, then in person he was expecting dramatics.

“What?!” Flora looked at him wide-eyed, and the younger lad immediately smiled at how loud she got. “You didn’t tell me it was your birthday!”

Cameron loved to see her so excited and found it kind of hot that she was also a little pissed at him. He knew his smile reached his eyes, but then his brain registered her voice. He noticed how Flora’s hands moved in a rush, and it was all so familiar.

“I’m sorry, uhm-...” Cameron didn’t want to assume, but slowly, pieces of the puzzle were coming together. “Can I ask you something?”

Flora furrowed her eyebrows, seeing his demeanor change, and she nodded.

Do you sign? Cameron bit his lip, swearing his heart wasn’t even beating but vibrating.

The green-eyed girl stilled in her seat and swore she saw Cameron having a panic attack before a small laugh escaped her. That obvious, huh?

Cameron felt his jaw go slack as she pulled her hair back and turned her head so he could see her hearing aids. He doesn’t know how, but that simple action had him falling that much more for her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cameron said and signed, his soft smile only growing as he saw her going shy.

Flora shrugged, her grin nervous as he looked at her with nothing but infatuation behind his eyes. My voice doesn’t match my face… Guys expect one thing and get another, she signed, her confidence growing a little as Cameron grinned even more, watching her hands. I just wanted to meet you first and tell you in person.

“Of course, yeah, I get it,” Cameron said and signed in a flash, not wanting her nervous. I’m sorry, do you prefer sign or-

“Keep talking and signing,” Flora smiled so much dimples popped out. I go back and forth, but please, keep talking.

Cameron let out a timid laugh, loving the idea that she just wanted to hear his voice. Each time Flora talked, he savored it. Too quickly, this girl found a soft spot in his heart, and it was hard to keep his excited nerves at bay. This was going so well, and it had barely begun.

“I got my hearing aids about 2 years ago. And you’ll never guess who from,” Flora smirked slightly before picking up her water glass.

Cameron scoffed and rolled his eyes fondly. “Let me guess, C.D.T Industries,” he signed and said, already knowing the answer, and he was smiling.

Your brother really did an amazing job with these. I needed cochlear implants, but these hearing aids are just as powerful. Flora was beaming as she signed. Between the hearing aids and glasses for movie theaters, he’s helped the community a ton.

“Should I give him a call?” Cameron teased her. “He’s married, but there’s no denying dinner with a beautiful girl.”

“Oh, stop it you,” Flora chuckled self-consciously and tapped his foot with hers under the table. It’s nice to experience the real you.

Cameron was slightly surprised by that, and he knew his nerves were noticeable as his cheeks heated up. And she was just looking at him. Her gaze was soft and full of curiosity. It was hard for the blue-eyed lad to accept that he was the reason behind such a lovely smile.

Cameron didn’t know what to expect from tonight, but already, it’s been the best night he’s had in half a year. He was actually excited to talk. Flora made it obvious she wanted to hear him, and the younger lad absolutely loved making her blush; it was perfect. Before he could say anything though, a waiter came up to get their drink orders.

“I’ll just have Coca-Cola, thank you,” Cameron didn’t even look at the drink menu, but figured it’d be best if he didn’t have alcohol. Want me to order for you? He met Flora’s eyes.

Cameron saw her nervous, and it reminded him too much of Cody and how scared his brother was to use his voice. But the restaurant was also getting louder and more crowded, he could see she was having a hard time.

Can you order me a Pinot Grigio? Thank you, really.

Cameron winked at her before giving the waiter her order, and as soon as he walked away, the blue-eyed lad felt something on his hand that was on the table.

His eyes flashed to the touch, and his jaw nearly dropped as he saw Flora rest her fingers over his. Without even thinking, Cameron engulfed her hand with his own. With such a simple gesture, he felt as much comfort as he did when hugging Flora.

“You’re not drinking? You just turned 18, come on,” her eyes lingered on their tangled hands, and her smile forced her dimples out.

“Nah, it’s uh, it’s best if I don’t,” Cameron chuckled nervously. “You know, football and everything.”

“Yeah, but there’s only a week left of the season,” Flora reminded him. “When it’s over would you want to have a few drinks to celebrate your birthday? There’s a great pub right around the corner from my brother’s flat.”

Cameron was near frozen as he heard that. Already she wanted to see him again, this was fantastic. But as excited as he was, he was just as anxious.

“Uhm, yeah, it would be fun, but- I mean-” he let out a deep breath, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. “I can’t really drink much or often. Even during the off-season,” his brain finally settled on.

“Oh, yeah, no problem,” Flora squeezed his hand but slightly winced as someone’s loud laugh echoed in the restaurant. Is it okay to ask if that’s a personal preference or something else?

Cameron hated that she took her hand off his to sign, and it was blatantly obvious she was struggling a bit with all the noises around them. Do you want to go somewhere more quiet? He asked, for a moment putting her question on pause.

Flora bit her lip as she looked around, the restaurant was full at this point. Where would we go?

He had to think quickly, and luckily, his busy brain came up with a solution. Wait here for just a few minutes, okay?

Flora nodded a little nervously, but felt herself calming down with the smile Cameron sent her way before pushing himself out of his seat.

The blue-eyed lad walked quickly to the host stand, not wanting to leave her for too long. They were having a great time, and Cameron knew Flora could have an even better time if there was quiet around them.

“Uhm, hi, excuse me,” he slightly waved at the host, who immediately looked at him wide-eyed.

“Mr. Tomlinson, is everything okay-”

“Yes, yes, definitely,” Cameron didn’t need him panicking. “I was just wondering if you have a private room or uhm, just like, somewhere quiet for me and uh, my date,” saying the word “date” was almost hard to believe.

“Oh, let me look,” the host began scrolling through the computer. “Our two private rooms are booked, but…” he tapped his finger to his chin. “We have a rooftop, and luckily it’s not too chilly, and we have a fire pit.”

Cameron wasn’t sure if Flora would want to be outside, but at least he could have the excuse to offer warmth. “That would be great, thank you.”

“Fantastic. I’ll send your waiter over in just a few minutes once upstairs is set up, and I see you ordered drinks, so they’ll be there waiting for you,” the host smiled at him.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it,” Cameron was spewing his gratitude before heading back fo the table.

He hurried to Flora and tried not to show he was a little breathless as he took his seat.

They’re setting something up for us, he signed and smiled at her. Are you okay with being outside if we have a fire?

Flora raised her eyebrows at him, a little intrigued. I’m a sucker for surprises, and this seems like a good one.

Cameron was relieved, and luckily, not even five minutes later, their waiter came to the table to take them to the roof.

He offered Flora a hand out of her chair, and he swore his heart skipped a beat as she held onto him as they walked. His stomach was twisting into knots with each step, and with every slight squeeze she gave to his hand, Cameron was quickly learning he could become addicted to this feeling.

The blue-eyed lad made sure she was careful going up the stairs to the rooftop, and the further they walked, the more curious he saw Flora getting. Cameron was just as intrigued, but when they got to the rooftop, they both froze, seeing what was before them.

White strung lights were above them, and an “L” shaped couch faced a large rectangular fire pit. But the best part by far was the view of the river and the City.

Think this will suffice? Cameron signed and laughed as he saw Flora staring with her jaw slack.

And he only laughed harder as she gently punched him in the arm before tugging him to the couch.

Cameron thanked the waiter, the staff really being wonderful as they brought their drinks and menus. At the rate he and Flora were going though, he wasn’t even sure if they would glance at the menu.

“Is this okay?” Cameron asked as he got comfortable on the couch, and as soon as he sat, he noticed Flora right beside him.

“This is much better and amazing, thank you,” Flora breathed out, still not believing the view as she looked around.

She was looking at the water and the lit-up bridge, but Cameron’s focus was on her. Flora was gorgeous as she took in the view, the soft white lights reflected too beautifully in her eyes. For the first time in he didn’t know how long, he felt like he was at the right place, at the right time, with the right person.

“I uhm… I’ve never been out with anyone who knows sign or has put in half the effort you have,” Flora said quietly.

Cameron could hear the shaking in her voice, and it was disheartening that such a warm soul didn’t receive what they deserved. Mata said she had been hurt, and it was obvious he hadn’t even reached the tip of the iceberg.

The blue-eyed lad carefully wrapped an arm around her, and immediately her gaze met his as he pulled her into his side. He was terrified, but the smile he got from Flora nearly wiped away all his anxiety.

“I’ve been told I can be quite the sap. Get ready,” Cameron laughed timidly, and he swore he heard his pulse pumping as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Here, before you get too comfy,” he reached for her wine and passed it to her.

“A man who knows priorities,” Flora teased before sipping from her glass. “I know you can get a bit romantic. Once 2 am hits, I know Cam the charmer emerges.”

“I’m a charmer all the time,” Cameron muttered through a smile as he rubbed his hand along her arm, and if possible she tucked herself closer to him. “2 am comes around and my brain just tends to go extra wild,” he tried to joke.

“Besides pizza, you’re my favorite,” Flora mocked from an old text, making Cameron burst out laughing and hide his face in shame.”’But then 15 minutes later, you went all deep and quoted Perks of Being a Wallflower.”

“Oh Lord,” Cameron groaned, close to mortified as to how his brain jumps in the middle of the night. “What quote was that one?” He laughed, knowing he had sent more than a few.

Flora looked at him gently, despite being embarrassed, his eyes were shining. “I made a joke about your shit Fifa skills when you’re an incredible player in real life-”

“The first and only time you’ve beaten me, I will point out,” Cameron now remembered, as soon as he thought of the quote, he was smiling. “There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons,” he quoted softly.

His eyes were on the fire in front of him, and for a moment, he got lost in it. His chest felt heavy in the best way. But Flora was quiet, and when Cameron nervously looked down at her, he saw her head tipped up on his shoulder, and her gaze was already on him with a fond smile.

“It’s really nice to hear you say those words,” Flora barely said loud enough for him to hear.

“And I’m really happy you let me hear your voice,” Cameron’s smile grew as he saw her surprise. “It’s beautiful and-... And I’m sorry I was a dick about not meeting you sooner.”

Flora was about to say something, but Cameron saw their waiter come towards them, and he sat up a little straighter. As predicted, neither of them even picked up a menu, and Cameron felt horrible telling him they weren’t ready.

Are you a picky eater? Flora asked before the waiter walked off.

No, why? Cameron furrowed his eyebrows.

Call the waiter back here.

“Excuse me! Carlo!” Cameron called out before looking at Flora, completely confused.

Ask for an appetizer and two entrees of the chef's choosing, Flora signed to him quickly.

Cameron was surprised, and truthfully, he loved the idea. So he relayed that to Carlo, and now neither of them had to pick up a menu at all.

“You truly are one of a kind,” Cameron chuckled as she got comfortable against his side again.

It felt natural to wrap his arm around Flora, to have her head on his shoulder and feel her laugh into his neck. All of this was happening quickly. Cameron was falling hard and fast. His brain started whispering, pondering if it was too fast. He liked Amira when they first met, but Flora hit him like a ton of bricks in one night. It could be disastrous if something went wrong.

The blue-eyed lad slightly shook his head and let out a deep breath. Not now, not tonight. He’s doing really well. He needs to remember that.

“Why uhm… Why didn’t you want to meet up?” Flora asked quietly after a few moments of quiet.

Cameron stayed silent for a minute more, though. He didn’t know what was too much to share at once or how much he really wanted to tell her.

“I-... I was going through some bad mental stuff, and I just wasn’t ready,” Cameron couldn’t look at her, but he felt her heavy gaze on him.

“Is that why you stay up late? Like mental stuff?”

“Yeah,” Cameron muttered.

He hated how his lungs could feel uncomfortably heavy at a moment's notice. Within a second, he could shut down. No, he can’t, though. It’s been a good night.

“I uh-” Cameron scratched the back of his neck and let out a heavy breath. “I just think a lot, and it can be hard to turn off my brain.”

“I get that,” Flora said, and his eyes met hers in what felt like too long. “But video games help, right?” She slightly joked.

“Yeah,” Cameron smiled a little. “They’re a good distraction, and it’s been a blast to have someone as badass as you to play C.O.D with,” he joked.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Flora teased him back. “We need to stop going to bed so late, though,” she patted his chest before reaching for her wine. “Do you have medicine or anything that helps?”

Cameron shifted a bit where he sat, again, his mind started throwing out dozens of different things he could say, and he had no clue which was the right one. “Y-yeah, I uh, I take a couple every day.”

“It’s so annoying keeping track when you have multiple,” Flora huffed. “I suck at taking mine, hence why sleep is scarce,” she laughed before taking one more sip and putting her glass down again.

The blue-eyed lad was still, not knowing Flora took medicine too. This was different in a brilliant way. Maybe she would understand.

“My twin literally has alarms set on his phone for when I need to take mine,” Cameron joked, hoping to keep it light. “It’s fucking annoying knowing I need that shit just to function.”

“Seriously,” Flora related and smiled a little as she felt him chuckling. “I can set a night alarm on my phone, and when we’re gaming, we can take our meds at the same time. Like some Romeo and Juliet shit that actually works,” she said, and Cameron threw his head back laughing. “And we can video chat. I’m not so scared anymore.”

He loved that she was feeling confident, and it made him too happy she could video chat. But taking his meds in front of her made him sink in on himself a bit. Cameron knew his hesitation. He was embarrassed, and his thoughts told him he should be. He needs to be honest, though. If this were to go further, Flora would see it for herself.

“I uh, yeah, like- we can do that,” Cameron stammered nervously. “It’s just-... I take like six pills at night and-... And I just want you to know so you were prepared to see all the bottles,” he hoped he was loud enough for her to hear.

Flora didn’t bat an eye, her gaze on him soft and her smile sincere. “I take three, Cam. It’s okay,” she assured him and swore she saw him let out a deep breath he was holding. “If you don’t mind me asking, like, what’s your diagnosis?”

Cameron should’ve figured she would ask. Anyone who is on as many pills as he is clearly struggles heavily. He never says his diagnosis out loud. He hates it. He hates it defines him. Cameron didn’t even tell Amira until they had been dating for over a year and a half, and it was one of the three times he’d said it. Now would be the fourth, and he was never ready.

“I uhm, I have Bipolar 1,” Cameron muttered. “So a ton of mood stabilizers and anti-anxiety and anti-depressants, and sleep meds, a whole cocktail mix,” he tried to laugh off. “At first they thought it was Depression, but-” he was saying too much, he was nervous and word vomiting and had to stop himself.

“I understand, Cam,” Flora said softly, noticing him staring off into space a bit. “I mean, I can’t fully. But I understand wanting to escape your brain for a bit.”

Cameron looked down at her, and one thing he noticed was that there was honesty with everything she said. Whether it’s calling him out for being a shitty spotter in C.O.D or that she knows the daily fight of battling voices in her head.

“What uh, what do you take medicine for?” Cameron was nervous to ask, hoping he wasn’t prying.

“Anxiety and sleep,” Flora offered him a small smile. “And of course, my anxiety med makes it hard to eat, so I was given another pill,” she rolled her eyes. “You gotta love they give you medicine to fight the side effects of another medicine.”

“Too fuckin’ true,” Camer chuckled, a little shocked. “It took forever to find the right mix, and it sucks ‘cause it’ll change every few years, sometimes months.”

He never thought he would be discussing these things on a first date. This is a sensitive subject for him, but Flora seems to understand. Talking about his diagnosis and all of his pills only reminded him there was something “wrong” with him. He can’t live a normal day-to-day life without six medicines in him.

The thought alone demobilized him, and his thoughts continuously reminded him that he wasn’t neurotypical and never would be. Especially the more Flora asked how hard it was living with Bipolar and how long he’d been diagnosed sent him into a small spiral.

It was hard. As much as Cameron wanted to open up and talk about it, he couldn’t. He tends to shut down when someone besides his therapist mentions mental health. And the last thing he wanted was not to be present while he was with Flora, and Cameron could quickly feel himself slipping away.

“Hey.”

Cameron blinked a few times, his head quickly turning to Flora, and saw her furrow her eyebrows at him.

“You okay?”

The blue-eyed lad slightly cleared his throat as he reached for his drink. He noticed appetizers on the table, and Cameron didn’t even see their waiter drop them off.

“You went a little spacey in the middle of your sentence,” Flora said quietly. Cameron stopped mid-way through talking about how he sometimes gets disconnected from himself.

“M’good. Yeah, m’good,” Cameron nodded, almost talking to himself as he settled back against the couch and tried to offer her a small smile.

He knew she could see right past it though, and was silently cursing himself. He can’t even talk about what happens to him without it occurring. He couldn’t talk about anxiety without it brewing in his chest or about him disassociating and not even noticing he was doing it.

“Uhm, sorry,” Cameron rubbed a hand over his face as he saw Flora looking at him a little worriedly.

He felt like he couldn’t look back at her, and too quickly his mind was telling him he ruined this.

“What else do you do for fun besides video games?” Flora tucked herself back into Cameron’s side, making his gaze meet hers. “And don’t say football. It doesn’t count.”

This time a real smile came over him. “Uhm…” Cameron chuckled a little nervously. “I write a lot,” he said, a little embarrassed. “I’ll do comics too, and draw.”

“Ooh, you’re creative,” Flora loved that. “What do you usually write about? Like stories or?” She reached to grab a small plate of the appetizers for them to share and turned herself on the couch to face him.

Cameron was sure his cheeks were tinted pink, and not just by the November chill. “Uhm just like- like songs or uh, my thoguhts. I dunno.”

“Songs?” Flora’s eyes quickly shined. “So you play instruments, too?” She asked before offering him a bite of food. “Eat. It’s important.”

Cameron swallowed thickly, but Flora was just smiling back at him. He let out a timid laugh before leaning forward and letting her feed him. It was intimate and nice, and something Cameron hadn’t had in too long. But then he saw Flora shiver a little as she wasn’t cuddled into his side, and the blue-eyed lad was quick to take his coat off.

“Here,” he smiled fondly as he draped it around her shoulders and loved how quickly she snuggled into it. “I uh, well, I play guitar and piano. And I attempt to sing,” Cameron tried to joke. “What about you? What’s fun for you?”

“Well, since getting hearing, I love to sing, but Juan compares it to a dying cow,” Flora laughed, and she could see Cameron wanted to but he held it back. “I could listen to music for hours. And I love movies and watching telly,” she smiled at the younger lad.

It was strange how easily Flora could distract him. One second, Cameron is lost in himself, and the next, he’s telling Flora about the first comic he ever wrote about Cody being a deaf superhero. She lit up learning that, and it made Cameron want to share more. It encouraged him that he may actually be a little intriguing.

As they talked Flora kept feeding him, and by the fourth bite, Cameron didn’t even blink before he leaned forward to eat.

The pair went back and forth about music genres they liked, and Cameron found it interesting how Flora’s music style changed once getting hearing. Before she was a metal lover, the heavy vibrations were perfect. But now she’s a folk, acoustic-style girl. Hearing that, Cameron was excited, thinking she may like the music he does.

The thought of sharing anything he wrote terrified him, but he found that his words on paper would forever translate into how he truly felt. Speaking is hard for him, but writing comes naturally.

Could you ask for another wine and some sharing plates? Flora asked as their waiter brought their dinners.

“Carlo, any chance we can get refills and small plates?” Cameron asked, and he doesn’t know why but he was naturally smliing.

He liked how comfortable Flora was with him, and he felt needed. It was like he had a real purpose and that was nice.

Cameron loved how as soon as they got their plates, Flora loaded them up with both entrees, and they got to share. He hated a little that his cuddling was inhibited, and he did his classic bad habit of eating too fast. The blue-eyed lad always eats like it’s a race. He swears he got it from his dad.

“C’mere you,” as soon as Cameron was done, he put his plate down and smiled at Flora as he opened his arm for her to snuggle into him.

“Did you inhale your food just for a cuddle?” Flora laughed fondly, the answer obvious as as soon as she was tucked next to him, his arm was firm around her.

“I’ll blame it on seeing you shiver and wanting to provide warmth,” Cameron chuckled but was near shocked as Flora picked her legs up to rest on top of his thighs.

She got his heart pumping, this much contact sent a charge through his gut, and he felt it linger in him. This is something he could truly hold on to, this feeling of being genuinely wanted.

Cameron was nervous, but he found just enough courage to rest his hand on her leg. Because she was wearing a dress, feeling her skin against his was heart-pumping. He could tell she was cold, and without even thinking, he started gently rubbing her leg to warm her up a bit.

“I feel like an arse. I never told you how amazing you look tonight,” Cameron said bashfully as he finally picked his head up to look at her and loved seeing her shy smile. “Honestly, breathtaking.”

“You checking me out?” Flora chuckled, loving how his hand ran along her leg again and again.

Cameron scoffed. “I have been all night. You’re just now noticing?” He joked.

“No, I noticed,” Flora smirked back at him, quickly making his face go red. “It’s not like I’ve been any better. I’ve check you out at least 50 times,” she laughed before putting her empty plate down and saw Cameron’s obvious shocked face. “Do-... Do you not understand you’re like really hot?”

Cameron was sure his jaw was in his lap. No way someone this gorgeous, sweet, smart, and funny found him that attractive.

“Don’t worry, handsome. I’ll get you to see what I do,” Flora chuckled as she settled back into his side.

“I just, uh-” Cameron didn’t know what to say, his brain malfunctioning for a moment. “Like- you’re brilliant,” he couldn’t believe how much so. “Like, how many languages do you know?”

Flora shrugged, her cheeks going red as Cameron kept rubbing her legs. “Four, not including computer languages though,” she laughed. “Spanish, of course, and English, BSL, and LSE. Luckily BSL signs and LSE signs are fairly close, so it was easy to learn.”

“Incredible,” Cameron smiled as he shook his head, her making it sound so simple. “You’ll have to teach me LSE then. I mean, if that’s easier for you.”

Flora furrowed her eyebrows, him seeming genuine. “You would learn LSE?”

“Of course,” his grin reached his eyes, already seeing it would mean the world to her.

This was something Cameron wanted to chase, to have goals and aspirations, just anything to look forward to. And with Flora, there was a lot to look forward to. There was so much more to learn.

“You know it’s crazy,” Flora bit her lip as she shook her head. “I uhm… I’ve dated guys, and-... And none of them signed. They didn’t even try,” she said quietly. “I know I have some hearing now, and I did with my last ex, but-...The effort you’re making means the world.”

“It’s important you know you’re worth the effort,” Cameron said softly, making Flora’s green eyes meet his blue ones.

“You are too, ya know?” Flora offered him a small smile.

Cameron subconsciously shook his head. It’s his natural instinct.

It was hard not to think about Amira every so often throughout the night, and Cameron didn’t want to compare, but it was hard not to. Memories had been flashing in his brain all evening, from his ex critiquing him every time he picked up an instrument to turning her phone off when he was in a bad headspace and blaming it on her parents. She made him feel like he was never good enough, and yet she still managed to break his heart.

“Cam, don’t do that to yourself,” Flora said softly as she saw him sinking a bit.

“It’s hard not to,” Cameron muttered. “I’m working on it, though.”

“And I know it doesn’t come overnight,” Flora grinned gently at him. “You’ll get there. It’s alright.”

She seemed so sure, and because of that, Cameron found himself smiling a little as he looked down at her. They were completely cuddled up, the fire was roaring, and the moon was shining. Like his dad wrote in the notebook, for months it felt like the moon would never come. The beauty was gone. But seeing it tonight truly was an amazing sight. He missed it. He missed feeling even the tiniest things, like staring up at the sky and seeing the infinite.

“Ooh, you got a thinking face on,” Flora loved to see the gears turning in his head as he stared at the sky. “What’re you thinking about?”

Cameron chuckled, a little embarrassed. “I dunno if you’re ready for the nonsense I think about,” he said quietly, making Flora lean in to hear him. He was quiet for a moment, his heart pounding at how close they were, and he wanted nothing more. “If uhm you want, you can put your hand on my chest while I talk,” he bit his lip nervously. “I’ve seen my brother do it. I know it can help.”

Flora was surprised by the offer, and too happily moved her hand to rest on his chest. She could feel his heavy breathing, could feel his heart beating rapidly, and loved she was the reason behind it.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Flora said softly, seeing him stare off into the fire.

Cameron felt the anxiety brewing in his gut at her touch, it was overwhelming in a wonderful but terrifying way. And when he looked down at her, he swore he still saw the stars, but they were shining in her eyes.

“I uhm-” Cameron began to say and felt shivres run down his spine as she adjusted her hand on him. “I-I think I really like you.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Flora laughed a little.

He opened his mouth and met her eyes. As soon as he did, any words that wanted to come out got stuck.

Cameron was a goner. He fell hard and in one night. His thoughts were hammering that this could be disastrous, and a girl like her could hurt him, break him even more than Amira did. And too quickly he felt his pulse pumping uncomfortably fast.

“I’m scared,” the confession barely came out.

And once it did all he could think about were all the ways this could end, all the ways he could ruin it because he’s a mess and hard to love.

“I’m sorry, I-” Cameron let out a deep breath as he sat up and had to use all of his power not to start rocking as his brain screamed at him. “I need a second. I’m sorry,” he rushed out before getting up from the couch.

“Are you okay?” Flora asked with a touch of nervousness as she saw him let out a heavy breath and pinch the bridge of his nose. “Did I do something?”

Cameron couldn’t nod or shake his head, all he wanted to do was pace and breathe, but he knew he would look like a crazy person and dig himself into a deeper hole. “I uh, I just gotta go to the loo. I’ll be right back.”

Flora said a barely audible “okay,” before Cameron headed for the door to go downstairs.

He felt like he needed to run, he needed a second to calm himself down. And Cameron definitely rushed to find the loo, aching for just a few moments to clear his head.

As soon as he got to the loo he went to a stall and locked it behind him. And now that he was alone, he let himself pace in the small space. Cameron had to get his anxiety out, he had to continuously tell himself how well the night was going and how different Flora was from Amira.

But it was those differences that scared him. He knew and could feel how easy it was to fall for her, and as much as he wanted to believe she felt the same, sooner or later, Flora would see this side of him. The constant stress, the worry, overthinking, and doubting.

His breathing was coming out heavily, and his heart felt like it was ready to burst from his chest.

“Come on, come on, you’re okay,” Cameron muttered to himself. “Breathe just- fucking breathe,” he rubbed his hands over his face.

Over and over he told himself, Flora likes him. But the more he thought it, the more he felt like he was trying to convince himself. He was spirling.

Cameron felt his back hit the wall, his legs giving out and feeling himself crash to floor and trying desperately to get his lungs functioning properly. He put his head between his knees, trying to focus on nothing but his lungs. And he stayed like that for a little while, trying to shut his brain off and he felt himself slipping away.

Cameron can’t control it, he’s here one second, and gone the next. And he doesn’t know how long he was sitting, how long he was trying to breathe. But eventually he felt himself come back online, blinking a few times and letting out a deep breath as he felt like he had the tiniest bit of control back.

The blue-eyed lad left the stall and went to the sink to splash water on his face, trying to regain himself to go back to the roof. But as he walked out of the loo, he checked his phone and went near wide-eyed as he saw he had been gone for well over a half hour, and Flora had texted him 15 minutes ago asking where he was. There was no doubt in his mind he made Flora an anxious mess. He had already flaked on meeting her twice, and now this. It wasn't good at all.

“Fuck,” Cameron muttered before nearly sprinting through the restaurant to get back to the roof.

His heart was pounding, only ever moving this fast in a game, and within seconds, all of his panic was back.

Cameron was breathless as he got back to the roof and immediately froze. He didn’t see Flora up there, and his jacket was on the couch.

“Fuck, fuck, no, no, no,” Cameron wanted to punch himself as he yanked his phone out of his pocket and tried FaceTiming her.

The longer the phone rang, the more his heart sunk into his stomach. When she didn’t answer, Cameron swore he heard a crack.

To Flora Mata (9:45pm): Flora, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t feeling well. Did you leave?

Cameron grabbed his jacket in a rush and ran back downstairs, hoping he could try to catch her. His brain was moving in a million different directions, and he probably looked like a crazy person as he walked around the restaurant in search of her.

“Hi, excuse me,” Cameron was clearly jittery as he approached the host stand. “Have you seen the girl I was with?”

“Uhm, yes Mr. Tomlinson, she left a little over 5 minutes ago,” the host said.

Cameron could barely register the words. He messed it up before they could even begin.

Chapter Text

Cameron paced the parking lot as he pressed his phone to his ear. He was grateful the line only rang twice before his brother picked up.

"What's up, mate?" Rory's voice came through. "How's the date going?"

"Ror, I-" Cameron didn't even know what to say, his mind all over the place. "I-I need a ride home."

"What? Are you okay?" Rory quickly got up. "Did ya drink too much? You know dad-"

"No, no, I didn't have anything to drink," he huffed. "I just can't drive right now."

Rory was quiet for a second, that usually meant only one thing. "Cam, what happened?"

"Please just come get me," Cameron said through a heavy breath. "I'll tell you in the car."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there in 10 minutes," Rory quickly grabbed his keys and put on his shoes. "You're okay, mate. Just don't get in your car."

"I know," Cameron said quietly, not even wanting to glance at it.

"I love you. I'll be there soon."

"Thanks," Cameron muttered. "Love you too," he said before hanging up the phone.

His gaze went back to the restaurant, and he wished he was still in there with Flora. She still hasn't answered him, and he texted a few times apologizing profusely, but he got nothing in return. And Cameron somewhat got it. He was gone for far too long.

It was hard to keep still, and Cameron ended up walking around the car park just to get rid of his jitters until Rory pulled up.

"Mate!" Rory yelled as he rolled down his window and parked next to where his brother was. "Hey, what's going-"

"Ror, I'm sorry. I can't hug right now," Cameron stopped him as he saw him about to get out.

Rory's face slightly fell, but he nodded as his twin climbed into the car. He let Cameron relax for a moment and didn't say anything until they were on the road.

"So uh- like, what happened?"

Cameron looked at his lap, his brain still buzzing. "It was amazing. She was," he barely whispered. "And I fucked it up."

Rory glanced at him, it was obvious he was kicking himself in the arse. "Did you say something or like...?"

"No, I just-" Cameron shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face. "I was basically having a panic attack and went to the loo but-... I ended up disassociating in there, and I didn't realize I was gone for over a half hour, and she left. She tried texting me, and I just- I fucked up."

"Cam, you can salvage that," Rory assured him. "You can explain what happened and-"

"And she'll realize I'm fucking insane and can't keep my shit together," Cameron scoffed.

"You're not. Stop it," Rory said firmly. "It's important you communicate, and I know it's hard, but you gotta man."

"Well, what should I have done? What in the world is the right thing?" Cameron felt the slight irritation brewing in his gut.

"You tell her what's making you anxious. You talk about it, and don't run away."

Cameron was quiet. All he knew was how to run. He'd been trying to outrun the darkness for too long. "I-... I really like her, man. Like, a lot, and I don't know how to fix this."

"Try calling again tomorrow, and if that doesn't work, talk to Mata on Monday. But you gotta be honest, Cam."

Cameron was terrified to see Mata. He knew the older man would start screaming at him as soon as he saw him. But Cameron was willing and wanting to fight. He couldn't give up.

The blue-eyed lad heard his phone ringing in his pocket, and he swears he never moved so fast to see who it was. "It's dad," he grumbled, debating if he even wanted to pick up.

"Relax for a bit, then call him back," Rory could see how overwhelmed he was. "You think she really liked you though, right?

"Yeah," Cameron said quietly, even if he was miserable, he was smiling the slightest. "She called me creative and hot, and actually made me feel like I was a desirable person."

"You are, dude, hotness included," Rory laughed a little and was happy to hear his twin's tiny chuckle.

"I have an idea, I just need her to answer the phone."

"What're ya thinking?"

"I'm gonna write. I need to," Cameron had a million things he had to get off his chest.

"Gonna write a love song?" Rory wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"Something like that," Cameron laughed a little. "She needs to pick up, though."

Rory looked at him softly. "I think she will. Just give her a little time."

Cameron slightly nodded as he bit his lip. He didn't know how, but he still had a bit of hope. For Flora, he felt like he could actually give her his heart, and she would take care of it. That's something you need to chase after.

"How uh, how's the first night without Emerson going?" He asked, and as soon as he did, he saw his twin's face slightly fall.

"I miss them," Rory said quietly and shrugged. "They haven't even been gone a day, and it fucking sucks I can't talk to them."

"Well, the first episode comes out in a week, and you'll calm down seeing how great they're doing," Cameron tried to ease him.

"Showing party at dad and pop's. They already texted everyone and are planning food," Rory smiled a little, loving his family's support.

Cameron offered him a small smile. "This month will be alright, Ror. You'll see."

Rory wanted to believe it, but it was blatantly obvious how painful this was for him.

"Did you wanna write in the living room?" Rory asked once they got back to the flat and kicked their shoes off.

"I can," Cameron was going to head to his room, but he could tell his brother needed company.

"Do I get to read what you write?"

Cameron bit his lip as he shrugged. "I uh, I dunno. Maybe," he said before heading off to grab his notebook and a pen.

To Rory that was a good answer. It was definitely a lot better than him saying flat out no. And as always, Rory was amazed at how quickly his brother wrote. It's as if once he has a pen in his hand his brain goes wild and he's scribbling faster than Rory can process.

He had faith Cameron could salvage this. His twin is remarkable, whether he believes it or not.

Monday

Cameron dug through his bag to find his cleats. Truthfully, he was in no rush to join the team on the pitch and was taking his sweet time on the sidelines. He's been terrified of coming to practice, especially since Flora still hasn't texted him back.

Yesterday was grueling, and today, he felt even worse.

"Hey."

The blue-eyed lad jumped as he felt a firm hand on his shoulder, and when he turned around, he went wide-eyed, seeing Mata glaring at him.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" The older man nearly spat through his teeth. "Do you enjoy fucking around? Do you like to play games and-"

"No, no," Cameron quickly shook his head. "I just- I needed a minute and-"

"You fucking left her, dude!" Mata raised his voice. "She already had enough anxiety, and you-"

"Mata, I didn't mean to-"

"But you did! You left her alone!! She fucking liked you! A lot! And you-"

"Hey!!"

The two footie players froze at the yell, and Cameron gulped as he saw his dad close to stomping towards them.

"Are we gonna have a problem today?" Louis raised his eyebrows at them.

"I dunno, why don't you ask your kid-"

"Listen, you're mad. I know," Louis stopped Mata before he could even begin.

Of course, Cameron called him yesterday and told Harry and him what had happened. The last thing Cameron needs is Mata screaming at him.

"Mad?" Mata furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm fucking furious."

"Well, keep it together," Louis looked at him expectantly.

"How about not playing favorites?" Mata scoffed.

Louis narrowed his eyes at him. "If you knew half the shit my son goes through, you would keep your fucking mouth shut," he said lowly.

"How about my sister? How about how your kid made her feel?" Mata took a step closer to him.

"I can fix it," Cameron said before his dad could blow up. "Mata, I'm begging you," he pleaded. "I tried calling. I tried to stop her from leaving, but I was too late. I just really need to talk to her and show her something," he said in a rush.

"What the hell were you doing for so long?" Anger was still seeping out of the footie player.

"I was having a fucking panic attack in the loo because I really fucking like your sister, and that thought scared the shit out of me!" Cameron surprisingly snapped, and he realized he had as his dad and Mata looked at him, startled.

The blue-eyed lad let out a deep breath and ran his hand over his face, and a moment later, his dad started rubbing his arm.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Louis stopped Cameron before he could start pacing.

Mata glanced between the two of them and saw a different side to them within a second. "What do you need to show her?"

Cameron snapped his head up. Finally, he might listen. "I wrote her something and-... And it'll explain everything."

The footie player kept his eyes on Cameron for a moment, and he could see the 18-year-old close to begging. "I'll talk to her about maybe calling you," he said before heading onto the pitch.

Cameron swore he felt himself breathing since Mata came up to him. He had to believe Flora would listen to her brother. At least, he really hoped.

"You alright?" Louis checked in.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay," Cameron let out a heavy breath. "I just- I need her to call me."

"I'm sure she will, mate," Louis said softly. "For a little while, take your mind off it. Play some footie."

Cameron nodded, the distraction sounding more than nice. He actually wanted to focus on football and put Rory in his place as they did their practice game. It was always a guaranteed laugh, and his competitive side came out in a fun way.

As practice wore on though, it was clear Rory wasn't as energetic as usual. He was missing plays, and Cameron recognized it too well. His twin was distracted, and it didn't take a genius to figure out his mind was on Emerson. Cameron could only hope he wouldn't get worse as the days went on.

"Hey," Rory went up to Cameron once practice was done. "Can we head home?"

"Uh, sure," Cameron furrowed his eyebrows, normally they shower at the stadium after they've finished. "You alright?"

"Yeah, just wanna go home," Rory said quietly.

Cameron nodded as he grabbed his things. "Video games and pizza tonight?"

"Definitely. Lord knows neither of us are cooking," Rory laughed a little. "I'm tempted to ask pop to make us dinners for the week again."

"Please do," Cameron groaned, the worst part about adulting was definitely needing to cook constantly.

Rory was grateful for the distraction of video games. Since Emerson left, he knew Cameron was trying his best to distract him. The weekend was rough for him, though. It was the first weekend since he moved into the flat where his bed was empty.

He knew he was laughing less, he knew his smile was a little diminished. There were constant reminders Emerson was gone, and Rory was counting down the days until they were home.

"You wanna shower first?" Cameron asked once they got back to the flat.

"You can," Rory went to put his things away in his room.

Cameron dropped his bag at the foot of his bed before heading for his closet to get out comfy clothes. And once he had everything he grabbed his phone and headed for the loo.

The blue-eyed lad pulled up his music and added a few songs to his queue before turning the water on. He was more than ready to feel the hot water on his skin and give his muscles the chance to relax.

Cameron sang along to the songs and tried to focus on the music and not the constant wondering if and when Flora would call. He's trying to be better about shutting down those anxiety-ridden voices, but it doesn't come easy. For a little while, though, he found himself a bit distracted as he sang, and it was someone else's emotion he could think about.

Cameron was in there for a while without even realizing he had gone through all his shower songs, and now it was playing a different mix. And just as he reached for his phone from behind the curtain to check the time, the device began vibrating furiously in his hand, and his ringtone was blaring.

"Shit!" He suddenly dropped it, and as Cameron saw it was about to fall into the shower, he moved quickly to catch it. However, he ended up slipping and falling back first against the tub. "Fuck," he groaned, the pain shooting up his spine.

Luckily, he saved his phone, and as he sat up to reach for it on the floor, he saw who was calling and felt his heart stop. Within a second he reached to turn the water off and went for a towel. Cameron wanted to answer but couldn't pick up in time before his phone stopped ringing.

Cameron had to get himself together quickly, knowing he couldn't be on FaceTime with Flora shirtless and soaking wet.

To Flora Mata (6:30 pm): I'm just getting out of the shower. I'll call you in 2 min

His stomach was twisting into knots, but he got his chance, and he had to fight all his anxiety. Cameron needed to learn to open up, he needed to be challenged, and he wanted those things with Flora.

The 18-year-old dried himself off in a flash and changed, not even needing two minutes before he grabbed his phone and called her back.

Cameron nibbled on his bottom lip nervously as he sat on his piano bench and rested his phone on the sheet music stand so he could use his hands. He swears he wasn't breathing as the line rang, and it only did twice before he saw Flora come onto the screen.

"H-hey," Cameron was already stammering as he slightly waved. "Thanks for uhm, for calling me."

He hated the way she was looking at him. It was so different from the last time he saw her. Cameron saw she was hurt and maybe even a little scared. There was this horrible heaviness between them, and Cameron wanted to do anything to make it go away.

"Juan told me what happened today," Flora said quietly and signed. "So, you didn't leave?"

"No," Cameron hated that she thought he could ever do that to her. "I swear, I was in the loo and just- just trying to get my head on straight."

"Was it something I did?" Flora asked nervously.

Cameron shook his head, needing her to know it wasn't her fault. "No, nothing like that," he assured her. "I-... I was having such an amazing night, and-" he had to take his time and remind himself he could get the words out. "And I realized how easy it is to fall for you," he was signing as he talked, not fully trusting his voice. "I got scared of getting my heart broken again, and I ended up doing it to you... I'm so sorry."

Flora was quiet for a moment as she searched his face, seeing he truly meant it. "Like, what happened though? I texted you."

Cameron bit his lip as he looked at his hands before bringing them up to sign. "I uhm, I went to the loo just to calm down and-... And I ended up dissociating. I didn't see your text until I got out of it," he could barely say. "And it's nothing you did, it's nothing you said," Cameron had to convince her. "You're amazing and so out of my league and special in too many fucking ways, and I'm just-..." He felt like a mess.

"You're wonderful."

Cameron finally looked at the screen, and Flora was looking at him sorrowfully. He didn't understand how after he'd hurt her, she still thought of him that way. Cameron's flicker of hope was turning into a gentle fire.

"Can uhm, I have something I want to play for you," Cameron shifted nervously on the bench.

Flora raised her eyebrows. "Like music? You wrote something?"

Cameron slightly cleared his throat as he nodded. "I'm just- I'm horrible at speaking, but I write, and it all makes sense."

Flora smiled the tiniest bit as she nodded.

The 18-year-old felt like everything was riding on this. "I was too late on Saturday," he said quietly as he turned his piano on and situated himself. "Never again."

Cameron felt his heart close to throbbing as he placed his hands on the keys. He had to trust that, like always, he'd get lost. But now more than ever, he needed to be heard. He had to show what these words meant.

A/N There are two songs in this video. Both are used back-to-back with the story. I sincerely apologize, I tried to separate them to make it easier,  but I'm terrible at technology and tried for a few hours, no luck xD I'll re-add the video for the next song when it's used and write a start time Xx

Bold- Cameron singing

I wanna be king in your story

I wanna know who you are

I want your heart to beat for me

Oh, I

Want you to sing to me softly

'Cause then I'm outrunning the dark

That's all that love ever taught me

Oh, I

Cameron chanced a quick glance at her on the phone, and even on the small screen, he could see her drawn in.

Call and I'll rush out

All out of breath now

He took a deep breath, feeling like he was singing to convince her, and his voice poured the emotion he couldn't show without the music.

You've got that power over me, my my

Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

You've got that power over me, my my

The only one I know, the only one on my mind

You've got that power over me

You've got that power over me

You've got that power over me

Cameron needed her to know he was gone for her. He'd do anything to make sure she saw that.

Remember the lake in the moonlight?

Remember you shivered and shone?

I'll never forget what you looked like on that night

But I know that time's gonna take me

I know that day's gonna come

I just want the devil to hate me

Oh, I

He saw a bit of realization come onto her face, and it was relieving to see. She was hearing him.

Call and I'll rush out

All out of breath now

You've got that power over me, my my

Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

You've got that power over me, my my

The only one I know, the only one on my mind

You've got that power over me

You've got that power over me

You've got that power over me

Cameron felt his voice grow, and Flora started to look at him the way he longed for. He was as loud as he could be, needing her to understand.

It was all in doubt

They were all around

The blue-eyed lad felt himself let out a heavy breath as he shook his head

So we hide away and never tell

You decide if darkness knows you well

That lesson of love, all that it was

I need you to see

You've got that power over me

He hoped she saw how honest he was being. This was him.

You've got that power over me, my my

Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes

You've got that power over me, my my

The only one I know, the only one on my mind

You've got that power over me

He let his fingers move quickly across the keys, and as he played, he could see Flora in awe. He was being honest, and she was hopefully falling for him again.

I know that I let her down, no

Let her down

Cameron knew he had Flora's attention. Her eyes were locked on him as he played, and seeing her enamored face was everything he was hoping for. He did it. He may have won this one.

He finished the song, and he swore his chest was heaving, not even sure how loud he was. But he didn't care. Cameron saw that Flora heard him.

"You wrote that?" Her voice came over the speaker softly.

Cameron gulped as he nervously shifted on the bench. "Y-yeah, I-" he let out a deep breath and tried to organize what he wanted to say.

"Is that the latest one you wrote?"

"Uhm, no. I-I uh, I wrote one this morning, but-" he trailed off and shook his head.

"Can you play it?" Flora asked, trying to offer him an encouraging smile.

"I dunno, it's really deep and like, I barely have a guitar part for it-"

"Cam, please," Flora was aching to know what else he came up with. "Show me who you are. Let me see how you feel. Let me hear you."

Cameron could hear the begging in her voice, but he wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't ready to show her his latest song. It could be too much. But his dad told him the first time he picked up a guitar that when words fail, music speaks. And Cameron found too much truth in that.

"Uhm, sure, yeah," the blue-eyed lad slightly cleared his throat before reaching for his guitar and pushing the piano bench back for more room.

He let out one more breath before carefully picking the instrument and opening his mouth to sing.

A/N Start time 3:41 Xx

How it must feel to be a bird

Roamin' lonely oversea air

How it must feel to be a bird

London, Paris, underneath

And I'll wait on my own

Ooh, hmm, ooh

He carefully looked up at Flora, and he saw her eyes were locked on him with wonder and amazement. Cameron loved it, and he had to be honest, he wanted to keep this.

And I couldn't tell you enough that I'm sorry

And no, you couldn't tell me enough that you love me

But she's bringin' the moon and stars to me

Damn permanent reverie

And even though this life, this love is brief

I've got some people who carry me

Cameron smiled a little. The more he played, the more entranced he saw Flora. And he realized he didn't need to be scared to open up. He could with her, and it would be for the best.

Now wasn't it love soon as we knew each other properly?

Livin' 'bout half right 'til a certain person got to me

Nothin' is secret, everythin's sacred, how it ought to be

Under the moonlight on a clear night

On rooftops is where I want to be

Sometimes I'm like a child, that's somethin' I can't release

Dreams of her comin' home, sweet home

And I'm tellin' you, home is so sweet

Said you reminded me of the summertime, and I still mean that

In a full room, I'm the only one she's smilin' at

Flora's gaze were locked on Cameron, him showing true emotion. His eyes were closed, and he reminisced. Flora saw him smile, a real and grateful one.

So wouldn't you let me know if you were thinkin' less of me?

That's what she asked me

What was promised, what we both agreed

But truthfully, if you ever go

You'll drop me straight to Hell, the 7th circle

And I was talkin' with you earlier

We were open and vulnerable, it was wonderful

His eyes opened and Cameron made sure he met Flora's. He meant everything.

I, I used to dream that you would talk to me

I used to dream that you would talk to me

Cameron wanted to apologize again and again for what he did. But he could see Flora understanding him, and getting to know him.

And I couldn't tell you enough that I'm sorry

And no, you couldn't tell me enough that you love me

But she's bringin' the moon and stars to me

Damn permanent reverie

And even though this life, this love is brief

I've got some people who carry me

His voice got softer, him letting out a careful breath before closing his eyes again and singing the next verse.

You know that feelin' when you think your heart is gonna come right out through your shirt?

Get it a couple times a year

But I've been gettin' it more often with her

Now when I'm face to face with Death, I'll grab his throat

And ask him, "How does it hurt?"

Up in those golden moments, growin' old too quickly

Was he thinkin' of her?

Cameron carefully opened his eyes, and he saw Flora completely lost in what he was singing. That face of fond, of wonder got Cameron smiling as much as he was on their date.

But she's bringin' the moon and stars to me

Damn permanent reverie

And even though this life, this love is brief

I've got some people who carry me

Cameron released a shaky breath as he finished, and knew Flora's eyes were on him as he put his guitar off to the side.

"Cam..." Flora's voice barely came over the phone speaker. "You're incredible. You need to see that."

The blue-eyed lad bit his lip, not knowing what would come now that she saw so much of him. "Incredible enough to be given a second chance?" He asked hopefully. "And I promise if I feel off or just anxious, I'll tell you, and I can try to talk about it."

"Oh, you don't want to break out into song like a Disney prince?" Flora teased him.

Cameron knew his cheeks went red, but he was laughing nonetheless. "I can if you want me to."

"Never stop writing songs. Especially if they're for me," Flora slightly smirked. "We can definitely go out again this week."

Cameron sat up a little straighter, his smile blinding. "Great, yeah, fantastic," he was obviously relieved. "Whenever works for you. I'm done with football around 6, and I have a game on Saturday."

"I know your schedule, Cam," Flora laughed fondly. "Is Friday okay?"

"Oh, uh," Cameron scratched the back of his neck nervously. "My twin's partner is on RuPaul's Drag Race this season and the first episode is on Friday, so my family is having a bit of a showing party," he laughed a little. "But let's do Saturday night. It's not like I'm playing in the game."

"How about this...?"

Already, from her smile, Cameron knew she had come up with a plan.

"Let's sit together at the game, and after, we can go to dinner."

"Yeah, sounds great," he easily nodded. "And just- thank you for giving me another chance."

"Thank you for showing me you," Flora smiled softly at him. "What are you up to now? Did you want to game?"

Cameron glanced towards the door, and he knew what he should be doing tonight. "I uh. I'm gonna hang with my brother. He's not doing so great right now."

"Oh, sure," Flora said, looking a little worried. "What's going on with him?"

"He's having co-dependent problems with his partner," Cameron didn't realize how much of an impact Emerson leaving would have. "M'just gonna try to distract him tonight."

"You're a good brother," Flora smiled at him. "But I'm calling you at midnight because I know you'll be up and haven't taken your meds yet," she joked.

"We gonna Romeo and Juliet it?" Cameron teased her right back, his grin reaching his eyes.

"You know it, handsome," the green-eyed girl winked at him. "I'll call you later."

Cameron nodded at her, even if he was with Rory, there was no way he wouldn't be texting her. And he loved having a call to look forward to. "Talk to you in a bit," he slightly waved at the camera.

Flora said a soft "bye" before hanging up, and as soon as she did, Cameron let out a deep breath.

"Holy shit," he smiled. "I did it. I fucking did it," he laughed, surprised as he rubbed his hands over his face. "Oh, brilliant."

"Dude."

Cameron jumped at the sudden voice and quickly turned to see Rory in his doorway.

"Since when the fuck are you a music star?"

Cameron opened and closed his mouth, close to mortified. "How long were you standing there?"

"I was in the living room and heard you. Damn, man," Rory laughed. "You totally had to score another date."

"I did," Cameron still couldn't believe it, but reality crashed on him almost as hard as Rory did when he tackled him in a hug.

"Fuck yeah, Cam! I knew you could!" Rory shook his twin, making him laugh. "Just keep being honest and show her the sweetheart you truly are."

Cameron nodded, knowing he could pour his heart out to Flora, and she would accept him with open arms. This was so different and nice. Maybe his mind did help sometimes instead of just hurting him.

"Are we still gaming, or are you gonna PC in here?"

"Nah, we're gaming," Cameron smiled at him. "You pick the game. I'll order pizza," he said as he stood up.

He was happy to see Rory excited, and Cameron knew it would get harder to get that grin from his twin as the weeks wore on. But just like Rory was there for him, Cameron will be there for Rory if the days go dark.

Friday

"We're on in 5 minutes! Get seats!!" Rory screamed over his family, all of them chatting loudly in the living room.

"Excited?" Harry teased the 18-year-old as he claimed a spot on the couch he was on.

"Very," Rory was beaming. "I hope they're okay and like, not nervous or scared or-"

"Ror, breathe," Harry chuckled and rubbed his back. "I'm sure Emerson's first week went great, and we're about to see how great."

Rory was nearly bouncing in his seat. He didn't want to be rude and tell his nieces and nephew to back up from the telly, but as the time got closer to the start of the episode, he was a second away from picking them all up and moving them.

"Guys!" Rory screamed over everyone, they were still talking over each other. "A minute left!"

Thankfully, his siblings and dad began to quiet down just as the opening for the show started. Nothing had even happened yet, and Rory was cheering. He was far too excited to see Emerson.

Rory was aching to see their intro and first look, but also, the reactions of the other queens when seeing Emerson.

He watched the entrances of the queens carefully, each of them showing their best work for introductions and having the opportunity to make a statement in front of the other queens. Rory had to give it to them, this would be a fierce competition. There were a few queens he and Emerson followed on Instagram, and they've been doing drag for a decade or more. But there was one younger queen that Rory recognized quickly. Emerson was a huge fan of them, and Rory knew his partner would be shocked to see her.

"Guys!" Rory screamed as soon as Emerson came on the screen, and his jaw went slack as he saw his partner.

Emerson is a wonder and always pulls out some crazy moves. And Rory had to give it to them, this bloody grunge drag was remarkable.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe the day I just had," Emerson said dramatically as they tiredly swung a fake ax. "Don't worry, I won't leave you girls out. You're next."

"That's my comedy queen!!" Rory clapped and cheered as his family burst out laughing. "Get'em, honey!"

This was off to a great start. Rory noticed the other queens a little intimidated. But as Emerson went to sit with them, Rory saw his partner recognize a few of them. Emerson didn't even blink before heading for the younger queen.

"Oh my gosh, Constance Struggle!" Emerson was clearly excited.

"And you're Empress Electra," they smiled right back at Emerson. "I absolutely adore you! Your make-up is always amazing."

"Oh, thank you," Emerson said bashfully.

Rory furrowed his eyebrows as the camera stayed on the two, and Emerson didn't mention him. Maybe he was thinking about it too much, but that hurt a little. That's what he helped with most.

They cut to solo interviews with the queens about their first impressions of Emerson. Rory tried not to grit his teeth, as half of them said they only got on the show because they were with a Tomlinson. He can't even imagine how Emerson would react if they were told that in person, and most of the queens thought it. This competition is ruthless, and Rory was scared it would come up again and again.

But when they got to Constance Struggle's interview about Emerson, Rory didn't like what he saw at all.

"Empress is definitely a show stopper," they smirked a little at the camera. "In and out of drag."

Rory could feel his family's eyes on him, waiting for a reaction, and all he could do was scowl at the telly.

After that, it almost became hard to watch the episode. All Rory could notice was Constance's eyes on Emerson.

They started with the mini-challenge, and every week was different, like the Maxi main challenge. Their first challenge was to do their makeup in the dark, and immediately, Rory was nervous. He'd seen this challenge in earlier seasons, and he knew Ru was looking for the queens to showcase their skills.

"Fuck," Rory quietly mumbled into his hands as he saw Emerson internally panicking.

"Any way you do it, you'll look amazing," Constance smiled at Emerson as they walked to their vanities.

Rory didn't think he'd be frowning this much watching the show. He hated how the queen looked at Emerson, and what killed him was that Emerson was grinning just as happily back. What was happening?

"You alright?" Harry whispered as he saw his son's fists clenched in his lap.

"M'fine," Rory muttered as he kept his eyes on the screen, not wanting to miss anything.

The mini-challenge lasted only a few minutes, and the contestants moved in a rush to paint their faces. When they were done, they each had to put on black vails to be revealed one by one. As the queens showed their work, Rory was growing more nervous. They all did so well, some of them looking like they weren't in the dark at all. He knew this wouldn't get Emerson eliminated, but it would be the first statement they make.

"C'mon love," Rory's knee bounced nervously just before Emerson showed their face.

And as soon as they did the entire living room broke out into laughter, as did everyone on the screen.

Emerson was batting their eyes as if they were the most beautiful girl in the world. In reality, lipstick was dramatically skewed across their lips and onto their cheek. Blush was on their forehead, and mascara was on their chin. It was a glorious sight.

"Holy shit! Emerson is hilarious!" Cody screamed over everyone's laughter.

"My queen," Rory smiled at the telly fondly.

RuPaul loved it, and Rory wasn't surprised Emerson won the challenge. He knew they would be noticed quickly, and he hoped Emerson was gaining confidence.

As their prize, Emerson got to pick their team for the first Maxi challenge. This one was a group acting challenge, and Rory knew if it was comedy, his partner would have this in the bag. He was worried about Emerson being a leader, they were the youngest person there. But it gave them another chance to stand out.

Rory smiled as Ru congratulated Emerson, but when his partner picked the first person for their group, his face fell a little. They picked Constance despite knowing she's a beauty queen. Rory knew Emerson had to know there were better options. There were queens they knew there who actually acted for a living. If Emerson wanted to win, why go for Constance?

Rory let out a deep breath, feeling like he was reading into this too much.

As the show went on, the two were always next to each other, and Rory liked to see Emerson happy, but he hated how they were looking at each other. When a queen on Emerson's team kept shooting down ideas and telling them they were too young to know anything about drag, Constance was the first to bark back and defend Emerson. And Rory doesn't know why, but it didn't sit well in his stomach. He's the one that does that for Emerson; he's the one that gives them confidence. But he wasn't there, and he felt replaced.

It didn't help that his entire family would periodically loook at him to see if he was okay. And the more they looked, the more Rory felt like he had a reason to be upset.

Overall, the acting challenge went well for Emerson's team, and Rory kind of liked how Cosntance was given negative remarks on their acting. But of course, as they got ready for their catwalk challenge, Emerson comforted Constance.

"Dude, it's alright," Cameron whispered to his twin. "They're just friends and like each other's work."

Rory let out a deep breath as he shook his head. "It feels like Emerson isn't even thinking about me."

"They're in a competition, Ror. C'mon," Cameron nudged him gently. "It's not about you, it's about drag."

"Cam, I'm not crazy. Look at how Constance is looking at Emerson," Rory motioned to the telly.

"And Emerson is disgustingly in love with you and is blind to anyone flirting with them," Cameron chuckled. "I get you're annoyed at Constance, but don't worry about Emerson."

Rory bit his lip as he nodded. Maybe Emerson was just looking for a friend, he couldn't blame them for that.

His partner did beautifully on the catwalk. This week's theme was video games, and Rory knew Emerson had this win. He couldn't see much of the outfit as Emerson made it, but he recognized the colors.

They're always amazing to watch. Rory has sat for hours with Emerson while they sew. They get beyond creative, and for this catwalk, they shone.

Rory was smiling a little too much as he saw his partner enter the runway in a bodysuit made from his jersey.

Immediately, his family clapped and laughed, seeing Emerson carrying a football and wearing mesh leggings and thigh-high black boots. Rory loved this version of Fifa, and the judges seemed to love it too.

As Emerson walked the runway, Rory knew he hadn't smiled so much since the episode had started. He could see his last name and number on the back, and his partner's creation of a beautiful outfit with his jersey got him a little teary-eyed.

"Look at that, mate!" Louis was still laughing as he high-fived Rory.

Rory was a little red, but his heart was beating comfortably for the first time in 40 minutes.

"Emerson had to have won," Alexis scoffed, not believing that.

"Youngest queen to ever be on the show! Let's go!" Cody clapped along.

Rory had to laugh, his family was treating this like a football game. It was always so amazing to him how supportive they all are, and watching the show weekly with them will definitely happen.

RuPaul gave final critiques, and Emerson received a lot of praise. One of the hosts, Michelle Visage, is always a force to be reckoned with. She was honest with Emerson that she didn't like the simplicity of a body suit, but her makeup was great, and she loved the personal touch.

Rory could see how proud Emerson was, and seeing them so happy got the blue-eyed lad's heart to ache for them.

But when the queens went into the workroom as the judges deliberated, all the heat was on Emerson. All of the older queens were saying the judges were playing favorites, and what Rory was dreading that Emerson only got on the show because of him. A few said Emerson was taking advantage of it, and it broke Rory's heart to see his partner trapped in the lion's den. They were all after Emerson.

His partner looked near tears, clearly having no clue what to say, and Rory wished he could jump through the telly. But Constance jumped in and called them all out for being jealous and that they needed to step their game up.

Even though Rory wasn't a fan of her, he was grateful she got all the queens off Emerson's back. But when Emerson was crowned winner for the week, Rory knew there would be more backlash later.

He hoped his partner would celebrate and that they would be proud of their accomplishments. But he feared Emerson would let the other queens get into their head. And it killed him that he couldn't call or ask if they were okay. More than anything, he wanted to tell them how great they were doing and how proud he was.

Another week has to pass before he gets to see Emerson again, and Rory was excited, but he was also a little nervous. He didn't want another episode where his partner and Constance were constantly at each other's sides.

It was the first week in, and Rory felt like the next three would be torturous.

Chapter Text

Mid-November

Rory kept his head down as the paparazzi captured picture after picture of him heading into the stadium. Never before had he wanted to hit someone in the media, but the blue-eyed lad was dangerously close today.

Cameron tugged on his arm to get him moving faster, but there was no blocking out the questions they were asking about Emerson.

“Ror, just ignore them,” Cameron said softly as they walked to the locker room.

“There were five fucking articles, and last night’s episode was fucking ridiculous,” Rory knew his tone was angry, but he was more scared than anything.

It was as if the show was targeting Rory to get him worked up. There was far too much air time on Constance and Emerson alone. His partner was oblivious beyond belief, but every other queen could see Constance’s motives.

The articles were no better, all about the queens’ first two weeks, and everyone gave quick interviews. And Rory couldn’t stand that every contestant slid in how close Constance and Emerson got so quickly. It made his brain buzz, having no clue what was going on behind the scenes, and it felt like the media was shoving it down his throat, and they made Emerson out to be coy. They wanted him to see what was happening while he and his partner were separated.

Emerson and Constance survived another week in the competition, and it’ll be another week before his telly is plastered with the two of them again.

“C’mon, mate, we’ve dealt with paps all our lives, and you know the crazy shit they come up with,” Cameron said gently as they headed for the lockers.

“It’s like they’re doing it just to piss me off,” Rory muttered as he dropped his bag on the bench and started grabbing his gear.

“They are,” Cameron looked at him like, “duh”. “The media loves getting celebrities wild, especially the Tomlinsons.”

“Hey, guys,” Louis walked up to them and offered Rory a small smile. “How are ya doing?”

Rory tried not to roll his eyes, but he couldn’t help his scowl. “You saw them, didn’t you?” He asked quietly, knowing his dad gets alerts whenever they’re mentioned in the media.

Louis was quiet for a moment and let out a deep breath. “Yeah, your pop and I saw the articles,” he said softly. “It’s the media, mate. You know none of that shit is real.”

Rory was sure it was, though. Why would all the queens lie? Why would they all say that Constance and Emerson only talk to each other and that they do everything together?

“What the hell am I supposed to think reading it? Like-” Rory let out a defeated breath and shook his head.

“Ror, it’s a drama show, and you and I both know they love to stir up as much as they can,” Louis reminded him. “And I’m sorry, buddy, but you’re a Tomlinson… You’re gonna see this again and again.”

“This fucking sucks,” Rory groaned as he rubbed a hand over his face.

“Hey,” Louis said softly. “You trust Emerson, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Rory said quietly.

“Then don’t worry, big guy,” Louis said, trying to offer him a confident grin. “You two love each other, and I know it’s scary not knowing what they’re doing, but don’t put yourself in a tizzy for no reason.”

Rory nibbled on his bottom lip as he nodded. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”

“It’ll be alright, Ror. You’ll see,” Louis had no doubt in his mind. “Do you still want to play today, or do you need to sit this one out?”

The 18-year-old had to think. He didn’t know if he could get his head together enough for their final game of the season. But he was desperate to focus on anything besides his partner right now.

“I’ll play,” he said, nodding. “I can put all my energy into football.”

Louis looked at him carefully, making sure he was being honest. “Alright,” he smiled before clapping his shoulder. “How’re you feeling, Cam?”

“Good,” Cameron couldn’t believe it; he actually meant it.

Louis raised his eyebrows at him. “Good enough to play?” He slightly smirked.

Cameron felt his jaw go slack. He didn’t expect to play until next season. “Are you serious? L-like-”

“Hell, yeah, kid,” Louis’ smile grew as he saw him shocked. “You’ve been killing it at practice, and I’m really liking how you and Mata work together. You’re in the second half.”

Cameron couldn’t move as his dad gently punched his shoulder before walking away. As soon as he was gone, the blue-eyed lad snapped back to reality and moved in a frenzy to open his locker to make sure he had everything he needed.

“Holy fuck, dude!” Rory grabbed his twin and shook him.

“Oh God- uhm-” Cameron felt like his thoughts were all over the place. “Okay, I have everything and- oh, shit!” he searched frantically for his phone.

“Cam, why are you freaking out?”

“I’m supposed to watch the game with Flora and I gotta call her,” Cameron hoped she wouldn’t be mad at him.

He went off to the side where no one was in the locker room and quickly pulled up Flora’s number to FaceTime her. As the line rang, he bounced nervously and excitedly on his heels.

“Hey,” Flora smiled and waved as soon as their phones connected. “I just got here. I’m about to head down to the seats.”

Cameron swallowed thickly, praying she wouldn’t yell at him. “I uh- I-I’m actually playing in the second half,” he signed and said.

“What?!” Flora shrieked, making a few heads in the locker room turn his way. “Cam, that’s amazing! Oh my gosh, congrats!”

Cameron let out a surprised laugh, and it warmed his core seeing just how happy she was for him. “Thanks,” he said a little bashfully. “I just, uh- I-I feel like shit ‘cause I don’t want to leave you alone…”

“You have a pass since I’ll be able to keep an eye on you,” Flora joked as she winked at him. “Can you still sit with me for the first half?”

“I’m gonna have to warm up a bit, but when the game starts, I’m all yours until halftime,” Cameron smiled.

“I’m excited to see you again,” Flora grinned softly back.

Cameron felt his cheeks heating up as he nodded. “I’ve been impatiently waiting-”

“Oh, hello.”

Cameron was startled as Mata swooped in and poked his head into the camera’s view.

“Juan, leave,” Flora had no time for his nonsense.

“You’re here, right?” Mata said and signed.

“Yes, now leave this conversation,” Flora huffed.

“Are you gonna head to the stands to meet her?” Mata raised his eyebrows at Cameron.

Cameron quickly nodded, fearing his wrath a little bit. “After warm-ups, yeah.”

“You’re warming up?” Mata asked, confused.

The blue-eyed lad opened his mouth, but Flora beat him to it.

“Cam is playing today!!”

He knew his cheeks were red, absolutely loving how excited she was. “Yeah, coach is putting me in the second half.”

“Hell yeah. Congrats,” Mata smiled widely and nudged him. Are you going to be okay by yourself, kid?

Flora rolled her eyes. Yes, I don’t need either of you worrying about me.

Cameron had to hide a tiny laugh, her singing so dramatic. Everything from the way she moved her hands to her facial expressions got him smiling, even if she was annoyed.

“I’ll see you after warm-ups,” he waved at the camera, trying to save her from her brother.

Cameron saw Flora was grateful and quickly smiled and waved before hanging up.

“Ready for tonight?” Mata asked as he followed Cameron to his locker.

“Nervous, excited,” Cameron laughed timidly as he reached for his kit to change. “I’m just really grateful she’s giving me another chance.”

Mata searched his face, and he could see how honest the younger lad was being. “I hope you two have fun tonight,” he offered him a sincere smile. “But first, you’re going to help us win this game.”

Cameron let out a bashful chuckle as he nodded. He was sure relief was seeping out of him, having Mata’s blessing.

The blue-eyed lad knew he shouldn’t be so excited to get off the pitch, but he couldn’t help his jitters. He was going to see Flora again, and Cameron knew he could keep himself together this time.

As soon as they were done with warm-ups, he barely caught his dad’s eye before he signed that he was going up to the stands.

Cameron could see people curiously watching him, but he was on a mission. His eyes quickly grazed over those in reserved seating, and of course, he saw his family waving frantically at him.

I’m not sitting with you guys, Cameron signed as he shook his head, them being too far away to yell over the crowd.

Who the hell with then?! Cody was hurt.

I’m kind of on a date, so please, leave me to it, there was begging behind Cameron’s eyes.

But of course, his brother was squealing and shaking Alexis.

Cameron nearly sprinted away from the aisle and dove into the closest row of seats so his family couldn’t track him. But in his rush, he almost went right past Flora in the row above him.

“On the run?”

Cameron snapped his head up and froze, but seeing those green eyes immediately got him smiling. “Hey,” he laughed embarrassedly as he climbed over the row to sit with her. How are- the blue-eyed lad gasped as Flora wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a tight hug.

If possible, he was grinning even more as he hugged her back. Cameron almost forgot how good it felt when she held him, and in seconds, it was back. He never wanted to let go.

“I missed this,” the blue-eyed lad whispered.

“What?” Flora pulled away and furrowed her eyebrows at him.

Cameron let out a bashful laugh, knowing his face was going pink. “I just-... I missed you. This,” he was nervous but thought she would love the honesty. “I was scared for a little while that I wouldn’t have the chance to hold you again.”

Flora’s jaw went slightly slack. She barely heard him, but luckily, he was signing. She saw the anxiety behind his eyes and knew she could wipe the worry away by hugging him again. So, Flora did, and she held on to Cameron until he was the one to pull away.

Are you excited? Flora asked, knowing she was bouncing in her seat.

“Yeah, of course,” Cameron smiled at her and signed as he got comfortable in his chair, “I haven’t seen you in a wee-”

To play football, Flora laughed and rolled her eyes playfully.

“Oh,” the blue-eyed lad chuckled sheepishly. “I’m more nervous than anything,” Cameron looked down at the pitch. “This will be my first game as a pro player.”

Flora tapped his arm to get his attention. Well, luckily you have a fantastic cheerleader whose scream is easy to pick out, she joked. You’re going to do amazing.

Cameron couldn’t hide his laugh as he shook his head fondly. It’s cute how much you believe in me.

Hey, Flora gently hit his arm and playfully eyed him. There’s a reason I do. I watched you kick my brother’s arse.

That was one time, Cameron rolled his eyes before wrapping an arm around the back of Flora’s chair, and as soon as he did, she tucked herself as close as she could to him. You being here definitely gives me some good incentive to show off a bit, he signed with his free hand and winked down at her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Show off and score me a goal, Flora smiled up at him.

Cameron scoffed. I’m not making any promises about making goals. The most I can do is probably assist your brother.

Flora gently slapped his chest and rolled her eyes. Will you have a little faith in yourself? You’re an incredible player.

You’ve seen me play once.

In person, Flora shrugged. But I’ve seen videos. Don’t think the first time I saw you in person was the first time I ever saw you.

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows, his heartbeat picking up a little. How long have you known about me?

Flora grew slightly anxious, but as she peeked at the blue-eyed lad, she saw his nervous yet excited smile. I’ve been hearing about the Tomlinson takeover since Juan signed with Man U a year ago. He was interested in you as a forward and sent me a few videos of you in the Academy League.

The Matas got up to a little stalking, huh? Cameron had to tease her.

“Shut up,” Flora playfully scowled and muttered as she pinched his side. You’re impressive, and my brother has been excited about a challenge.

Cameron hummed, needing to bite back a smile.

And I was happy when I showed up to that practice and found out you’re single, Flora laughed at herself a bit.

Cameron swallowed thickly as he looked down at her, and sure enough, Flora’s green eyes were on him, her soft smile making him feel close to weak. He loved how honest she always was, even if she ended up embarrassing herself a little. Cameron found it adorable but also helpful. There was no second-guessing of Flora’s feelings, she was upfront and had no shame.

I’m starting to think everything happens for a reason, the blue-eyed lad was surprised how easily he grinned at her as he signed it.

Cameron felt nearly frozen as her smile grew, and seeing it reach her eyes made the 18-year-old’s chest warm. Being the reason behind Flora’s smile was like a gift to Cameron. He loved the thought that he could make her half as happy as she made him.

The blue-eyed lad had to use all of his strength to fight the urge and ignore the ache to kiss her. Looking down at her, Cameron wanted nothing more. She had this fond look, and Cameron’s heart thumped, knowing it was all for him.

He involuntarily began to lean in, not even thinking but seeing how close they were getting. Cameron was terrified. He could tell Flora would be more than okay with it, if anything, her eyes were shining. But just as his thoughts began to race the game’s starting buzzer went off and made him jump in his seat.

Cameron slightly cleared his throat as he settled back in his chair, his eyes quickly going to the pitch and trying to ignore all the voices screaming at him in his head.

He was cursing himself for not kissing her, but also cursing himself because he can’t kiss her at a football game. That’s not a good enough first kiss with Flora. When the time and place were right, Cameron knew he could make his move.

But he could see Flora was a little disappointed, the sudden slight frown on her face more than visible. Cameron knew he could make it up to her, though.

So, how many dates do we have to go on before you wear my jersey and not your brother’s? Cameron offered her a small grin as he tugged her back into him.

It got Flora smiling, and he was relieved to see it was a real one. If you had an extra, I’d put it on today. I would love to see Juan’s reaction to that.

There was no hiding it, Cameron was a little shocked. You would wear mine today?

Of course, Flora looked at him as if it was a ridiculous question. Today is a huge day for you, and I’m really fucking proud. Why wouldn’t I wear it? She laughed a little as she signed.

So quickly Cameron wanted to kiss her again. Flora got his heart feeling from the inside out, and it felt like the proper thank you was a grateful kiss. But Cameron reminded himself where he was, and it wasn’t the place he wanted for their first kiss.

I have an extra jersey in my locker, Cameron nibbled on his bottom lip nervously.

Flora’s face lit up. Get it for me for the second half!

Cameron let out a surprised chuckle, her seeming so proud and happy because of him. He needed to chase it and keep it going. There was no doubt Flora liked him, even after learning about some of his darker parts. Cameron could do this. he could keep being him, and this relationship could stand a real chance at the same time.

Now Cameron was ready to get on the pitch, and he was ready to be someone Flora was proud of. The support meant the world, especially because it was football. This game ruled his life, and it will until the foreseeable future. Seeing Flora just as invested in football as he is was a definite plus and guaranteed some fun.

Cameron was having a great time watching the game with Flora, from her remarks on how ball-aggressive Rory is to her brother's different foot movements and how he learned them in ballet classes. Flora was genuinely knowledgeable about football, and it was so different for Cameron to be with someone actually interested in the sport and not just there because they had to be.

Flora knew statistics and plays and had her favorite formations for Untied. Cameron could go back and forth all afternoon, and before he knew it, the first half of the game was over.

“Oh shit,” he muttered. “Fuck, I barely know what happened,” Cameron chuckled and signed as he shook his head.

United is up by one. Your brother had a really close call with Salah but beautifully forced Salah onto his weaker foot and got the ball. Great move, Flora was beaming.

Cameron blinked a few times, this girl being too good to be true. “You’re amazing,” he smiled and signed, for the third time in a half hour all he wanted to do was kiss her. “I uh- I gotta go get ready.”

I’m going to save my words of encouragement for when you come back with that jersey, Flora smirked at him and urged Cameron up.

Eager, huh? He teased as he stood.

Very, and don’t pretend you won’t love seeing it on me, Flora rolled her eyes, but she smiled as soon as she saw Cameron’s bright red cheeks. See? But you need to focus on the team, so do that for a little while and then come back to me.

For a second Cameron felt his world slow, his grin natural and easy. I’ll always come running back to you, he sent her a soft smile, knowing his heart burst as he saw her surprise and then beaming grin.

He knew he was being bold, and it took more power than it should have to walk away. He hated the thought of leaving her alone again, but this time, it was so incredibly different, and Cameron knew that. But he needed her to know there would be no more disappearing from him.

He wanted to play well for his first pro game, and Flora genuinely encouraged him. Cameron had to believe her, she’s a stats girl, and she knows his better than he does. She knows the stats of most players better than him, and Cameron found it incredible. He also found Flora is bluntly honest when it comes to football. If she thinks a player is bad, she is firm behind her stance, and it gets Cameron cackling. He has to believe she would be truthful when saying he’s a good player.

The blue-eyed lad met up with his team and stretched and warmed up a little more as they went over the game plan for the second half. Cameron saw Rory nearly bouncing off the walls, he was too excited to be playing together. But of course, Cameron couldn’t help his slight nerves. Even if his teammates passed along their good luck, the 18-year-old felt the anxiety brewing in his gut.

“What’re ya doing?” Rory asked, seeing his twin with a jersey in his hand as they walked out of the tunnel and to the pitch.

“Uh, Flora said she wanted to wear it.”

“Oooh,” Rory wiggled his eyebrows and nudged him, making Cameron shove his head. “Going well so far, huh?”

“Yeah,” Cameron breathed out through a smile as they got onto the pitch. “Feels like tonight might be the night my world begins again.”

“Oh, uh, well, shit,” Rory chuckled, his twin going into one of his emotionally deep moods. “That’s awesome, mate. Make it the fuckin’ best with a footie win and a great girl on your arm,” he clapped his shoulder.

Cameron’s smile could only grow. He was already feeling like a winner as he rushed to the stands to give Flora the jersey. He only had a few minutes, but he tried not to sprint so he wouldn’t go onto the pitch dead.

“Hey,” Cameron waved his hand to get her attention as he rushed to her in the row.

He quickly looked to the pitch to make sure he wasn’t missing anything, but his eyes caught the jumbotron and saw himself and Flora on the big screen with cameras pointed at them.

Hey! Flora signed and got up to hug him.

“Just so you know, cameras,” Cameron hugged her back, and he knew Flora saw them on the screen as she froze in his arms.

“Oh God, uhm-”

“It’s okay,” Cameron pulled away and smiled at her. Here, his last worry was the camera as he passed Flora his jersey.

Flora giddily took it and gave him one more quick hug before pulling away. Hey, look at me, she cupped his cheek and smiled as soon as green met blue. You’re going to do amazing. Gomez is defending, so you and Juan need to do a quick switch. Gomez can’t keep up with those.

Cameron knew his breath came out shakily as she rubbed her thumb along his cheek, feeling himself melt under the touch.

Don’t forget, you’re too fast for a human, so use that to your advantage and use those tree trunk legs to make a goal.

Too quickly, Flora got him laughing and nodding. She was holding him so close that all Cameron would have to do was tip his head, and their lips would meet. But Cameron had a game to play, and it took everything in him to step away.

I’ll make you proud to wear that jersey, Cameron smiled as Flora put his jersey over the one she was wearing.

Win or lose, always proud to wear it, Flora grinned back at him. Go to your team, Tommo. Score me a goal, she had to shoo him to the pitch.

Cameron knew his smile reached his eyes as he nodded at her and jogged down to his team. He noticed the camera had finally left him alone, but only after he said goodbye to Flora.

“You ready?” Louis asked as Cameron jogged onto the pitch.

“As I’ll ever be,” the 18-year-old looked at the pitch and let out a deep breath.

“Remember, head up, open communication, and be aggressive.”

“Aggressive, B-E aggressive,” Cameron mock cheered as he chuckled.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows as a fond smile came over him. “Love the attitude, mate. Keep it up and get ya arse on the pitch.”

Cameron let out one more deep breath before jogging onto the pitch, and he swore as he ran on he heard the crowd cheering. He looked up at the seats, and he saw the full stadium, it seemed like people were actually yelling for him.

Cameron found himself smiling and clapping as he jogged to his position, and to his amazement, the crowd only got louder. As soon as he was in his spot, like always he glanced behind him to where Rory was and sent his twin a thumbs up and got one in return.

Ready, mate?

He caught Mata’s eye, the older man offering him an encouraging grin. Let’s get this win, Cameron signed back.

He was determined, and despite thousands of eyes on him, Cameron kept his nerves at bay. His family always tells him this is his game, he’s great at it, and today, he’s had a lot of reasons to believe it.

The ball was set up, and Cameron’s eyes were locked on it. And once the whistle blew, all he concentrated on was football.

Cameron expected the hostile playing considering United was up by a point, but this was nothing like what he was used to in practice. This felt like he was at war, and really quickly Cameron realized he needed to step his game up.

Only a few minutes in, and he was sweating profusely. His team was trying tremendously hard to get an opportunity to shoot, but the ball kept heading back towards their goal.

“C’mon Ror!!” Cameron screamed at the top of his lungs as he saw his brother desperately fighting to get the ball from Salah.

His twin was up against one of the best players in the league, and Cameron could see him trying his hardest, but the older man got past him.

“Ror!” Cameron sprinted in to help, but too late.

Salah maneuvered himself directly in front of the goal and swung his leg back for a powerful kick.

The groans and boos rattled the stadium as he scored, and Cameron’s eyes immediately found Rory.

“Hey,” he jogged to his twin as they started to set back up. “Don’t worry, mate-”

“I totally could’ve stopped that! Now we’re tied and-”

“Ror, you can’t stop them all,” Cameron grabbed his shoulders and made him look at him. “C’mon, he’s got over a decade on you. Chin up.”

Rory let out a deep breath as he nodded. “I missed you out here, man.”

Cameron offered him a small smile, it hitting him how much he’s really missed out on these past five months. “Let’s do what we do best. Tomlinson takeover, yeah?”

Rory smiled as he saw his twin holding out his fist for him to bump it. “Tomlinson takeover,” he nodded and pounded their knuckles together. “You get that goal, and I’ll make sure they don’t come near here.”

Cameron felt like a high was running through him as he sent his twin one more smile before jogging to his position. He felt like he had more than enough energy, and after seeing how these guys play, Cameron got a bit more comfortable and confident.

The blue-eyed lad got back to his position, his heart pumping as his eyes gazed over the other team. Within seconds, the ball was back in play, and as Cameron ran, his brain started racing with the plays his dad talked about during halftime.

One thing that became tremendously helpful while playing was signing with Mata. Cameron and Rory were able to do it occasionally, but with Mata on offense too, the 18-year-old could have half a conversation if he needed to at a moment's notice.

Quickly, the two were signing plays, and Cameron saw Mata just as determined as him to get the ball towards the other team’s goal. The closer they got, the louder the stadium grew, and it fueled their speed.

Cameron could feel his blood rushing as he had the ball and saw two defenders come up on him. Within seconds, he was panicking, seeing no one to pass to and as he tried to buy himself time with the ball, he felt a foot hook his ankle and send him to the ground.

There were times Cameron was grateful for a card, this definitely being one of them as he got the corner kick.

“Tommo!” Mata came running up to him. “You get in center. I’m kicking to you,” he grabbed the football from him.

Cameron quickly nodded. He and the older man had run this a few times before in practice games, and he was surprised at how accurate they had become at this.

It may have been obvious they were up to something. As soon as Cameron was in position, he had two players tracking his every move. But the 18-year-old shoved right back, determined to be exactly where he needed to be.

The whistle went off, and Cameron watched Mata carefully as he swung his leg back to kick. His eyes followed the ball, bouncing on his heels and building up momentum before lunging into the air to head the ball towards the goal. But clearly he was being watched, and both opposing players jumped as he did and the two crashed into Cameron and crushed him between them.

Cameron went crashing to the ground, his head banging against the grass just before another body landed on top of him.

He swore his ears were ringing, and his brain was pounding. There was no air in his lungs and all he heard were whistles going off.

“Kid! Kid!!” Mata shoved the opposing player off Cameron. “Hey, you alright?”

He blinked a few times. Now that there wasn’t any weight on him, Cameron felt himself breathing again. “Yeah,” he gulped and slowly sat up. “Yeah, m’good,” the blue-eyed lad saw himself on the big screen and signed a quick don’t worry pop. I’m okay, always needing to after something like this happens so his father doesn’t freak out.

“Cam!”

“I’m fine, Ror,” Cameron didn’t need him to worry, even though he was a little shaky getting up.

He felt like he had to tell everyone he was okay. His dad was nervously pacing on the sidelines and watching him carefully, but Cameron had to finish this out.

“Hey,” he got Mata’s attention before they set up for another corner kick. Go for Garnacho, and keep an eye out for me.

They were running out of time, and Cameron wanted this win more than anything. It always seemed like after getting hurt, he had even more to prove but also more to gain.

Getting into position, the determination was written on his face, and he could see a few of the opposing players surprised.

When the ball got back into play, Cameron tuned everything out except what was happening on the pitch. He missed the intense hyper-focus he needed to play, and in seconds, he was re-energized and hungry for this win.

It was chaos in front of the goal, the ball going back and forth between possession, but it stayed where Cameron wanted it.

He could see Gomez going after Mata as his teammate had the ball, and in an instant, Cameron knew what they needed to do.

“Mata!!” He screamed. Quick change on Gomez with me, Cameron signed in a flash as he ran to back up the older man against Gomez.

Mata nodded, and the pair immediately began passing the ball furiously back and forth, confusing the opposing player. As soon as Cameron saw Gomez was really lost and shaky on his feet, he sprinted past him and went for the goal.

Suddenly, Cameron heard the stadium going wild and saw the open shot. Without even thinking, his body knew what to do, and he positioned himself perfectly to shoot.

Cameron felt as if the world stopped for a moment. That was until he heard the announcer scream, “Goal Tomlinson!” and the 18-year-old felt two bodies jumping on him.

“Cam! Holy fuck!!” Rory screamed and shook him.

“Atta boy! That’s it, lad!!” Mata jumped on him.

It took Cameron’s brain a moment to process he made the goal, his first ever as a pro player. “Holy shit…” he whispered, a slow wide smile coming over him. “Holy shit! Fuck, yeah!” He pounded his fist in the air.

There were no words for how much Cameron missed this feeling. He was good at football, no great. And in their last game of the season he pulled them a point ahead with only minutes left on the clock. It felt like for too long Cameron forgot there was a reason he loved football. But hearing the screams, seeing the celebration and knowing he was behind it was powerful. It carried him.

Thanks to Rory and the other defencemen the game stayed 2-1 with Manchester winning. And the twins swore they saw their father crying as confetti with their team colors were blasted throughout the stadium. But when it came time to give medals out they were sure their dad was close to sobbing as the two of them got theirs.

“Oh, those are my boys!!” Louis screamed as he ran for the twins and tugged on both of them to crush in a hug.

Rory and Cameron laughed as they hugged their dad back, him almost shaking with how excited he was.

“How’s your head? Oh, you did so well! You both did! I’m so proud and-”

“Dad,” Cameron chuckled as he pulled away and rolled his eyes.

“Keep it together, old man,” Rory teased him.

“Shut up! You boys carried us through our final game!” Louis had to get this through their heads. “Listen, I have interviews, but go find the family. I’ll be quick.”

The twins looked at each other, almost feeling sorry for whoever was interviewing him. Their dad seemed like a right mess.

“So you gonna have a proper celebration tonight?” Rory playfully nudged Cameron.

Cameron already had a high running through him, and he knew it would only continue. “A nice dinner with beautiful company will make this already great day perfect,” he smiled, it almost being hard to believe that’s what was in store for him.

Cameron scanned along the seats and was close enough to see Flora’s eyes already on him with a blinding grin. His heart melted as she waved frantically at him, and for a second, Cameron had to breathe in that he had someone in the stands who knew him and was rooting for him.

I’m seeing my family quickly and then showering. Cameron made sure his signs were a little exaggerated for her to see. I’ll be fast, and then we’re going out to celebrate.

Flora happily nodded, and Cameron swore he saw her dimples appear.

Hey! He waved, still wanting her attention. Thank you, love.

Cameron saw her still where she was, but his pulse continued to comfortably pump heavily as he noticed how fondly she was watching him. This was a look Cameron wanted to hold on to, and he felt like he was heading down the path to seeing it more and more from her.

Sunday

“Pop, isn’t this supposed to be boiling?”

Harry peeked over at Charlie, and went wide-eyed as he saw her messing with the heat of the oil. “Sweetheart, no!” He quickly stopped her. “Never listen to your dad about cooking tips,” he reminded her. “That man nearly burnt my kitchen down doing that.”

“I know,” Charlie smiled innocently.

Harry slightly eyed her. “You playful little tyrant,” he joked. “Maybe if my kitchen burns down, I’ll get a new one again. What do ya think?”

“Are you planning arson?”

The curly-haired man whipped around, and felt himself blushing as he saw his husband leaning against the doorway and smirking at him. “Not so much planning when I have to prevent you from doing it once a week.”

“I’ve gotten better,” Louis muttered as he fully walked in and went up to Charlie to crush her in a hug.

“Sure,” Harry scoffed. “32 years later, and you still don’t know how to microwave mac and cheese without the smoke alarm going off.”

“I don’t understand-”

“You add water, Louis!” Harry was dumbfounded that Louis thought dry noddles would magically cook without water.

“I’ve tried to show him, pop,” Charlie shook her head as she focused on stirring the pot on the stove.

Louis slightly glared at her. He can’t fully be blamed. Most of the time, he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants a quick snack. The mac and cheese is perfect. Well, except when in his sleep haze, he forgets the water and wakes himself fully and the house as the alarms blare.

“No more sleep eating,” Harry pointed at Louis, knowing exactly what was happening.

“I can’t agree to that because I can’t help what sleep me does,” Louis shrugged, making Charlie giggle.

Harry wanted to glare, but he was actually a little entertained. He knew Louis was forming a bad habit of somewhat waking up and grabbing a snack, but there were some fun moments. The other morning, he woke up to Dezzy licking peanut butter off Louis’ cheek as he slept, and it was hard not to smile.

“Is everyone coming for dinner?” Charlie asked as she peeked into pans and saw the mass amounts of food.

“The whole army,” Harry breathed out, feeling like he was catering since he had to feed 15 people.

“When are we seeing the whole family?” Charlie asked, missing her uncles, aunts, and cousins.

“We can try to get as many as we can in a week or two,” Harry smiled down at her. “Just remember, the cousins are older and some off at Uni. It’s hard to get them all.”

“I know,” Charlie said quietly as she bit her lip.

Harry glanced over at Louis, and it seemed his husband had the same slight worry he did. “What’s up, love?” The green-eyed man asked softly.

Charlie shrugged. “I dunno, it just sucks,” she muttered. “They’re all older than me, and when they grew up they actually got to spend time together. I didn’t get that.”

Harry’s heart broke a little, knowing their daughter felt left behind. “I’m sorry that’s how it worked out, sweetheart,” he carefully wrapped his arms around her. “But you know if you pick up the phone and ask your sisters-”

“Why do I always have to be the one to call or text?” Charlie pulled away.

“Charlie, listen,” Louis came up and knelt in front of her. “You’re right, it shouldn’t always land on you, and I’m sorry it feels like it does,” he said softly. “And it hurts, but your siblings are growing up and learning how to be adults, and priorities get lost in the shuffle.”

“They don’t mean not to reach out, honey,” Harry added on.

Charlie was quiet for a second, hating how fast it seemed they had all grown up. “I miss them.”

“We miss them, too,” Harry said with a sad smile. “It’s a big change for the three of us, living in a quiet house.”

“But we’ll navigate it with you, kid,” Louis kissed her hair. “You rule the castle now, well, some of it,” he laughed. “You want us to watch a movie, or a show, or play a game, you got it. We’re all yours. And that’s something none of your siblings ever really got.”

Charlie thought about it, knowing she was getting 6 years of her fathers’ undivided attention at home. But before she could say anything, the three of them heard the front door open, and Milo came sprinting into the kitchen.

“Hey, guys!” Louis called out, knowing Cody needed a few minutes in the foyer to take all the kids’ shoes off.

“Go spend some time with your nieces. I think the twins are walking more,” Harry smiled at Charlie, knowing how much she loved their Sunday family dinners.

Louis watched her run off and laughed as he heard the girls’ squeals as they went to the basement with TJ.

“Hey,” Cody offered them a nervous smile.

“Uh-oh, what’s up?” Louis asked, something clearly wrong as his son immediately went to the fridge for a beer.

“We can’t tell the family tonight about the baby,” Cody shook his head before sipping from his bottle.

“What? Why?” Harry quickly asked. “You’ve been looking forward to it.”

Cody was quiet for a moment as he bit his lip and shrugged. “I was gaming with Hayden last night, and over chat he was talking about Al,” he said just loud enough for them to hear. “I guess they’ve been fighting and-...” Cody didn’t even want to think about it.

“Fighting about what?” Louis knew there was worry in his voice.

“She wants to keep trying, and Hayden wants to take a break. It seems that’s how it’s been, and Als getting frustrated and he’s frustrated and-” Cody groaned into his hands.

“Mate, listen, it’s never going to seem like the right time,” Louis rubbed his back.

“Dad, I can’t tonight,” Cody knew that, feeling his chest grow tight and needing to let out a few coughs. “Hayden was crying over the mic, and do you know how heartbreaking it was to hear a grown man I’ve known for 10 years cry for the first time?”

Louis and Harry didn’t say anything, their son looking near to tears himself just at the thought.

“Give them a week or two,” Louis said quietly.

“I’m sorry this is happening, buddy,” Harry looked at him sadly. “It-... It’s really terrible, and I’m sorry you can’t feel happy when this should be the happiest time.”

Cody bit his lip as he nodded. “I can’t even think or talk about the baby without immediately thinking about Al,” he muttered. “She’s always been my best mate, and I know I’m going to hurt her a-and-... And I can’t fix this, and I feel like I fucked up.”

“Mate, c’mere,” Louis grabbed his shoulders and gave him a small squeeze. “You just said it, she’s your best mate. She is and always will be, no matter what, okay?” He looked at him softly, hating to see his son fighting back tears. “Nothing can break the relationship you have. From the day you were born, Al called you perfect, and in her eyes, you will always be her brilliantly perfect little brother.”

Cody took in a shaky breath, his lungs feeling like cement, and he wished he could hear those words over and over again to ease him. TJ keeps telling him to calm down and that Alexis won’t be mad at him. But all the 26-year-old saw were memories of his older sister climbing into bed with him as he cried himself to sleep after finding out he was deaf, and that relationship could shatter.

“Hey guys!”

The three men jumped as they heard Alexis’ yell from the foyer and a second later Ben came running in.

“Grampies!” the 6-year-old squealed and was too happy they were standing close together so he could hug them both at the same time. Hi uncle Cody! Ben waved happily.

“Hey, buddy,” Cody smiled down at him despite sniffling slightly. “Melly was telling me about Dean’s birthday party today, did you have fun?”

“Loads!” Ben slightly jumped just as his mum and dad walked in. “But Melly stole some of my candy. I know she did,” he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Mr. Bear, are you tattling?” Hayden teased as he ruffled his boy’s hair.

“Yes,” Ben said obviously. “Uncle Cody is her dad. He can get it back.”

Cody had to hide his laugh behind his hand as he saw Alexis rolling her eyes fondly. “I’m sure it’s been eaten. If not by Mel, then by uncle TJ-”

“Uncle TJ!” Ben yelled before running off, knowing he heard girl’s giggles when they first walked in.

“I swear he has two speeds. Zero and batshit,” Alexis joked as she happily accepted the wine Hayden was passing her. “How’re ya doing, mate?” She asked as she rubbed Cody’s back.

“Hey, good,” Cody offered her a small smile. “How was the birthday party?”

Alexis groaned and sipped her drink. “I missed you. I had no one to gossip with about the other parents.”

Cody snorted, the only reason he loved going to children’s parties was to stand with his sister and joke about how horrible they are. “Sorry, I needed to take advantage of the twins’ nap time and take one myself,” he chuckled. “You had TJ with you.”

“He’s not nearly as ruthless as you,” Alexis smirked at him. “You owe me drinks. Does boy billionaire have any time this week?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

Cody easily smiled, loving her teasing him a little too much and quickly pulled out his phone to check his schedule. The amount of meetings he had was horrendous, and he needed to be home as much as possible. But there was always time to squeeze his sister in.

“Wanna do lunch Friday?” Cody asked hopefully.

“Ooh, yes,” Alexis’ eyes lit up. “I’ll take a half-day.”

“Count me in,” Hayden quickly raised his hand. “The footie season is over, so I need a reason to leave the house.”

Louis snickered as he heard his son-in-law. He loved how his family ruled United. Hayden has been their photographer since he got out of Uni 8 years ago, and now the twins were playing. It truly was a Tomlinson takeover.

“They’re here,” Harry gasped as he heard the front door open, but no yell, and Rosie always announced her presence.

The room was frozen until the twins walked in, and as soon as they did everyone was screaming.

“Congrats!”

“Hey champs!!”

“Tommo twins take the win!”

“Guys!!” Rory and Cameron screamed at the same time as they got attacked.

“We’re proud, loves!” Harry squeezed the life out of Rory as Louis kissed Cameron’s head.

“Okay, but we already celebrated,” Rory playfully groaned as he got out of his pop’s grasp.

“Not as a family! Cam was on a date!” Cody pointed out.

Everyone expected him to scowl, but instead, Cameron had a shy smile and red cheeks as he shrugged.

“What’s goin’ on there?” Alexis grinned as she pointed at his dopey-looking face.

“Oh, he’s so gone,” Rory laughed. His twin had kept him up until 2 a.m. this morning, going on and on about his date.

Cameron slightly cleared his throat, all of them smiling widely at him. “I may-”

“Definitely,” Rory scoffed.

Cameron quickly eyed him. “I definitely fancy her,” he murmured, a little embarrassed.

“Aw Cam,” Harry was trying not to squeal. “She seems wonderful. I loved seeing you two on the big screen,” his heart melted when he saw his son giving Flora his jersey.

“Was she signing?” Cody swore he saw them going back and forth.

“Uhm, yeah,” Cameron slightly cleared his throat, gaining all of their attention. “She’s actually deaf. Well, she has Cody’s hearing aids, so some hearing.”

“Really?” Cody was beaming. “Cam, that’s fucking awesome!”

“Yeah, she- well, she’s really amazing,” Cameron said bashfully.

“How was your date last night?” Alexis wiggled her eyebrows at him.

Cameron knew Alexis would be the one to drag details out of him, and if it weren’t her, it would be his pop. “It was great. We uh, ya know, just went to dinner.”

“Tell them what you did,” Rory nudged him.

“You went full romantic, didn’t you?” Hayden teased, seeing his brother-in-law go pink.

Rory glanced at Cameron, giving him a few seconds, but once he saw his twin wasn’t going to say anything, he jumped in. “Cam rented them a private room because the noise was a lot for Flora on their first date. And he talked, like, a lot,” he glanced at Cameron and saw him killing him with his eyes. “Like, about what he writes, and the family and-”

“Rory,” he needed to stop his brother.

“Mate, that’s fantastic,” Louis clapped Cameron’s shoulder.

“Cameron!!”

They all jumped at the shriek, and in a second Rosie was running in with Declan slowly jogging behind her.

“You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!” Rosie slapped his chest, her smile blinding.

“No, she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Yet,” Rory scoffed. “Big guy has to kiss her first,” he smirked.

Cameron looked at his twin wide-eyed and punched him in the shoulder.

“Hey, no hitting, none of you,” Harry looked between them. “And you,” he pointed at Rory. “Be kind. He’s doing this on his own time.”

“I’m finding Charlie,” Cameron murmured before turning on his heel to walk out.

“Rory,” Alexis groaned as she slapped him upside the head, hating he made Cameron leave.

“Hey!” Harry warned her.

As Cameron walked away, he had to laugh a little as chaos ensued in the kitchen. So begins another loud Sunday family dinner. And as Cameron walked down to the music room in the basement, the noise continued.

He could hear Charlie on the piano and Amelia and Ben singing at the top of their lungs as the two 1-year-olds shrieked. Cameron wasn’t even in the room, and he was wincing.

“Uncle Cam!!” Melly and Ben screamed as soon as they saw him.

“Hey, kiddos,” he smiled at them and scooped Amelia up as Ben hugged his legs. “My word, are you two growin’. Knock it off.”

Of course because they were getting love, the twins decided to shriek more and wobbly walk towards him.

“Uncle Cam, don’t-”

Cameron bent down and looked at the twins before letting out his own yell and mimicking them. He always did this, and Cameron was sure it was the only way the twins knew it was him and not Rory. He always loved to hear their giggles and squeals as he dramatically shrieked back at them, and their clapping as they waddled his way was more than adorable.

“And if possible, my ears are ringing more,” TJ laughed as he watched them fondly.

“Hey Cam,” Charlie smiled at her brother.

“Hey,” Cameron grinned back, a little breathless, as four tiny bodies tried to hug him. “I need to pick your brain tonight.”

Charlie quickly lit up. “Did you write something?” She couldn’t hide her excitement, not having a night like this with her older brother since before he moved out.

“Very quickly in the car over here,” Cameron chuckled. “It’s been a while since you taught me something new.”

“Yes,” Charlie said immediately. “TJ, can you and the kids go upstairs?”

“Oh, are we getting kicked out from watching magic happen?” TJ chuckled as he got up.

“Unfortunately,” Charlie said, not having a problem with an audience herself, but she knows how nervous Cameron gets.

The 18-year-old sent her a silent, grateful look and made sure to kiss his nieces and nephew as they walked out.

“Congrats on the win yesterday. You did awesome even after getting your head bashed in.”

Cameron laughed as he sat next to Charlie at the piano. “Thanks, it was really awesome to play again.”

“And that girl you were with, oh my God,” Charlie gasped, quickly seeing him blush. “Cam, she is so freakin’ pretty.”

“You think?” Cameron laughed nervously.

“I know,” Charlie scoffed before getting her hands into position and waiting for her brother to follow. “It’s nice to see you smiling again,” she said before moving her fingers, and Cameron watched for a moment before repeating the movement.

Charlie loved she could do this with him. Cameron asked to learn piano while he was dating Amira, and she knew it was because her brother wanted something in common with his girlfriend. But Charlie was shocked at how quickly Cameron picked up techniques and rhythms. He’s great at repetitive movement, and Charlie saw how easily he retains this information. All she had to do was play, and he followed. Cameron always learned something new without Charlie needing to say anything.

“Were you writing a lot after the breakup?” Charlie asked quietly as the music continued to fill the room.

“Too much,” Cameron muttered, his eyes locked on what his hands were doing.

“Go a little manic?”

Cameron playfully eyed her. “I hate that I taught you that word,” he chuckled. “But yes.”

“My teacher said there can be a lot of mania in music,” Charlie said as she let her fingers glide across the keys. “Sometimes it can help, sometimes it can hurt.”

Cameron hummed as he followed after her lead. “Luckily, I think I’m past the hurt. At least for now,” he slightly joked.

“So you wrote something cute?” Charlie stopped playing and looked at him giddy.

The 18-year-old chuckled at how excited she seemed. “I dunno, I guess.”

“Okay, so in Cam's language, yes,” Charlie almost squealed. “Let me read, and then we’ll create.”

“You’re always my best critic,” Cameron rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he pulled out his phone.

“I’m your only critic. No one has ever heard you but me,” Charlie was almost jumping on the piano bench.

“Flora has.”

“What?” Charlie froze. “Cam, you played for her? Are you serious? What was it?! Like-”

“Let’s just say I needed a second chance and had to pull out the big guns,” Cameron answered before any more questions could be fired. “Here. I wrote this bit earlier,” he passed her his phone to read.

Charlie nearly snatched it from him, it being far too long since she read anything he wrote.

Because of her, because of her… Her eternal summer smile is breakin' my defenses and I know, damn well won't find no peaceful sleepin' with no her up in my head. Caught me by the collar at the graveside 'neath the sky of royal blue. Like you're sayin', "I'm here now.” Lovin' thoughts livin' in my young mind. Give this boy a beautiful view, and tell him, "Without fear, now.” And now I really think you're heaven-sent 'cause you've been forcin' all these hollow hearts to feel again. And now I really think you're heaven-sent, but there's a beauty in being broken. I've been seein' it.

“Cam,” Charlie smiled as she read it. “You wrote this in the car? Aw you freaking cutie-”

“Charlie, you know the rule.”

“Oh, right, excuse me,” Charlie sat up a little straiter and put on a serious face. “It’s lovely, Cam. Very well written.”

Cameron playfully scowled at her, unable to help his chuckle as his sister cracked a smile. “Think I can make something with this?”

“Easily,” Charlie was beaming. “Did you write this after your first kiss?” She teasingly nudged him.

“Uhm, no,” Cameron slightly cleared his throat. “I uh, I mean, we haven’t kissed.”

“What?” Charlie looked at him shocked. “You haven’t even kissed this girl, and you’re writing like this?”

Cameron opened his mouth, but words refused to come out for a moment. “Too much?”

“You really are a sap,” Charlie scoffed. “Wow, this is great. With all of your emotions, we could write an album of love songs. Geez.”

“Hey, go easy on me,” Cameron nudged her back. “I have a lot of feelings.”

“Clearly,” Charlie joked, and loved to see his playful eyeroll. “So, she likes it when you play for her?”

“Surprisingly,” Cameron chuckled as he shrugged. “It’s uh- it’s wildly different, she is, I mean.”

Charlie bit her lip, remembering the few times her brother tried to show Amira what he was learning, and she quickly critiqued instead of appreciating what he had picked up. “I’m really happy you found someone who wants to listen to you.”

Cameron smiled just at the thought. “Me too,” he said quietly. “Now help Flora fall for me more. I have a plan, and I’ll need your help the next couple of weeks.”

“Really?” Charlie lit up.

“Really,” Cameron was actually excited about this little project. “Christmas is in a month, and I have a beautiful girl who needs an even more beautiful gift. But no telling the family. Our secret.”

“Our secret,” Charlie pinky promised him. “You really are a romantic. It’s disgusting.”

“Charlie,” Cameron warned.

“Disgustingly cute?” Charlie tried to salvage it, but her older brother still scowled a little.

“C’mon, help me,” Cameron pointed to the piano.

Charlie smiled at him, missing these moments with her brother.

Meanwhile Upstairs

“How’ve you been holding up, buddy?” Harry asked as he joined Rory on the couch, seeing he was alone.

“Alright,” he shrugged. “The articles yesterday definitely hit me hard.”

“That stuff is never easy to read,” Harry looked at him softly. “There was a time when the media made your dad out to be cheating, and it felt like the world was ending.”

Rory hummed, he definitely had a good cry after Friday’s episode and then again when the articles came out. “It’s not just reading though, pop, I’m seeing it,” he muttered.

“Do you feel worried?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

“How can I not? I’m not daft, pop,” Rory crossed his arms over his chest. “Emerson has liked Constance for years, and as soon as they meet on the show, they’re attached at the hip.”

“Love, Emerson needs a friend. You know the competition is stressful and-”

“Dad always tells me I see the world optimistically, but this time I can’t.”

“Rory, you’re scared, that’s all,” Harry said gently. “And I know hurt, too.”

Rory was quiet for a moment, his gaze focused on his lap. “I just wish I could talk to them. I wish I could understand what’s happening because I’m terrified of seeing if my relationship will end over the telly every week.”

“Stop, you know that won’t happen.”

“How, though?” Rory sat up a little. “Amira crushed Cam. Who says something fucked up can’t happen to me?”

“Listen, we all know your relationship with Emerson is nothing like what Cam and Amira had. It’s so incredibly different, and I know it’s hard, but you need to hold out hope and have some trust in your partner.”

Rory was scared to watch the next episode. Every minute, he was terrified of thinking of what Emerson was up to, and he hated that he knew they were probably with Constance. They were going on almost three weeks of no talking, and Rory had no clue what Emerson was up to behind the scenes.

There was nothing he could do to change his situation. All he could do was wait for Emerson to come home and hope the media was making this a much bigger deal than it really was.

Rory hated having to distract himself, but with his family surrounding him, it wasn’t hard. Somehow, his dad still had enough energy to chase his four grandkids all over the house, and it was impossible not to smile as Declan laid on the floor and the twins climbed all over him as if he were a mountain.

Cody and Alexis could be heard scream-singing from the kitchen as they finished dinner, and Rosie was trying to make sure no kids sat on Declan’s face.

Even during the hard days, his family makes it easy for him to smile.

Chapter Text

Wednesday- Mid-November

Cameron bounced nervously on his heels as he looked up and down the street. Despite his anxiety, he was smiling as he waited. The blue-eyed lad was excited for tonight, and when he saw Flora pull up, he was sure his face expressed just how much.

“Hey,” Flora said happily as she climbed out of the car and said a quick bye to her brother.

Cameron waved to Mata and chuckled as the older man sent him a thumbs-up. Hey, you look great, he smiled widely at Flora before wrapping her in a hug.

“Why did you want me to get dropped off?” Flora asked as she squeezed him, and tried not to laugh as Cameron held on to her a little tighter.

Because I want to drink, and neither of us to drive, Cameron signed after reluctantly pulling away.

“You’re drinking?” Flora furrowed her eyebrows. “But I thought-”

“I can have three, and I intend to have three,” Cameron laughed quietly and signed. “I just didn’t want us to drive, and what I have planned we can walk to.”

Flora was quickly interested. “What are we doing tonight?”

“Surprise, we have a couple of stops,” Cameron grinned at her, and it only grew as he saw Flora beaming and giddily clapping. “First stop,” he pointed to the building behind him.

Flora looked up, and she was smiling just at the place's name. “Gamebox?”

“Yeah, it uh- well, I read it’s like this interactive video game bar,” Cameron said, him digging and researching fun things to do for a date. “I booked us a room.”

“Really?” Flora lit up. “Come on!”

Cameron was startled as she grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door. Even if he tripped a little, he was laughing as he followed her inside.

As soon as they walked through the door, he saw Flora in awe, and it was evident quickly that Cameron had made a smart move to bring her here.

When they first walked in, there was a bar with vintage arcade games, couches, and TVs with consoles available. They grabbed drinks at the bar and had to laugh as they scanned down the menu and saw all the cocktails were video game-themed. Cameron swore a few heads turned their way when Flora squealed, seeing a Red Dead cocktail called “Red Death.”

The drawing point was the private rooms to play interactive games though, and the green-eyed girl almost skipped as they were shown to their room.

“Whoa,” Flora said as they stepped into the box-shaped room and saw three walls with projected games on them.

“Shit, this is cool,” Cameron said, once they were inside, it felt as if they were in a game.

The attendant walked them through how to pick games, and the pair were shocked to learn that each wall was like a touchscreen and to play, they had to touch the wall, jump, or duck, depending on the game.

“I’m counting on you for the physical part of these games,” Flora joked as Cameron started flipping through games.

“Tell me to duck, and I’ll duck. Tell me to jump, I’ll ask how high,” Cameron chuckled. “You pick what we play first.”

Flora scanned along the wall, one catching her eye. “Ghostbusters,” she smiled. “I think we have to kill ghosts and save the city.”

“You’re the captain in this mission. You make decisions faster than me in combat,” Cameron joked as he picked the game and took a swig of his beer.

“You just second-guess yourself, even though your first thought is usually right,” Flora teased him. “Have a little bit more faith in yourself.”

“Working on it,” Cameron murmured as he smiled at her.

They had a few sips of their drinks before putting them off to the side and starting the game. And Cameron couldn’t help his fond eyeroll as Flora eagerly geared up, looking like she was ready to go into battle.

When the game started, Flora’s eyes lit up from the bright lights and the sound surrounding them. Cameron was nervous he’d be more focused on watching her than the game, loving every exaggerated expression she has.

The blue-eyed lad didn’t anticipate using his entire body to play, but quickly, they were both dodging invisible swings and punching the air.

“Cam, duck!” Flora screamed through a laugh as a ghost threw a fireball at him.

Within a second, Cameron dropped his body onto the floor, and as soon as he did, a horse laugh came out.

“Nice! But please get up and help!” Flora fake reloaded a gun and kept spraying down ghosts.

He loved how into this she was, her eyes focused on the game and clear determination written all over her face.

“Love, on your right!” Cameron called out.

Flora quickly turned towards the other wall. “Die!” She shot at the ghost.

“Damn woman,” Cameron laughed, Flora machine gunning the hell out of the enemy.

He was having so much fun that it felt criminal, the smile couldn’t leave his face. Cameron loved how much they both liked video games and that it was something they could do for hours together.

Every night, they play something over PC together, and now that Flora uses her headset with him while they play, things get a lot more interesting. Flora will scream into the mic in the middle of combat, and even if Cameron winces, he’s smiling because he knows she’s happy. And seeing her so elated as they played the games here had Cameron’s heart swelling. He’d drop to the floor and jump for hours as long as he saw those dimples.

“Okay, I’m out of breath,” Flora breathed out heavily after their fourth match.

Cameron chuckled as they grabbed their drinks, needing to relax a little before their next game. “You’re an absolute machine,” he said before taking a swig of his beer.

“I like to win,” Flora shrugged and smiled before taking a sip herself. “I’ve always loved video games. They’re a great escape, and having someone to escape with is wonderful.”

“It is,” Cameron looked at her softly. “When was the first time you picked up a controller?”

Flora smiled at the memory. “Probably 4,” she laughed a little. “Juan taught me so he would have a partner. But as I got older, I started playing more than him.”

Cameron saw her slightly frown, but only briefly before she shook her head, and a tiny grin returned. He recognized it too quickly. He did the same thing when he tried to clear his thoughts.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked gently.

Flora looked at him, a bit confused. “Talk about what?”

Cameron shrugged as he bit his lip. “Why you escape with video games,” he said quietly. “I’m sure our reasons are similar.”

Flora was a little surprised, and for a second she was hesitant. But she wanted Cameron to know her. She wanted to be honest with him like he was with her.

“We don’t have to,” Cameron said as he saw her anxiously fiddling with her glass.

“No, no, of course we can,” Flora offered him a small smile. “I’m sorry, I just- I get nervous.”

“Luckily, you’re with someone who knows the feeling,” he grinned back, not wanting her to be uneasy.

Flora felt herself relaxing under his gentle gaze, which gave her the confidence she needed. “You know, I’m deaf,” she said just loud enough for him to hear. “I had no one outside my family to communicate with, and school was-...” Flora trailed off as she shook her head, needing to let out a deep breath. “People aren’t nice.”

It broke Cameron’s heart seeing how hurt she was, and he didn’t have to think before taking a step forward to engulf her in a hug.

“I swear I didn’t talk for years at one point. I just sat in my room and gamed,” Flora mumbled into his shoulder, and he only held on tighter. “You don’t use your voice for a while, and you get comfortable with the thought that no one wants to hear it.”

“I do,” Cameron said softly but loud enough for her to pick up as he hugged her. “I want to hear you talk and laugh and sing and-”

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Flora laughed as she shook her head and pulled away just enough to look at him. “I sound like a screaming seal.”

Cameron snorted, desperately trying to control his laughter, his arms tight around her. “C’mon, let me be the one person you sing to. Even if you sound like a seal, it’ll be music to me.”

“You’re being cute, and it won’t work,” Flora poked his chest.

“You sure it won’t work?” Cameron smirked, seeing her face go pink.

Flora tried to scowl, but his teasing expression got her to crack a smile. “Fine, maybe it’ll work,” she muttered.

Cameron felt his gut erupt, knowing his heart dipped at the fond way she was looking at him. Flora was wrapped in his arms, completely pressed against him, and the blue-eyed lad didn’t know how he wasn’t shaking. This girl is gorgeous, funny, and impressive in so many ways. But she was also hurt. Cameron knew he could help, though. He could give Flora what she deserves, and that’s the simple act of treating her like she matters.

“You alright?” Flora saw Cameron going a little spacey.

“Yeah, great,” he smiled softly down at her. “Sorry, I was just thinking about you and-... And I want you to know I care about you.”

Flora looked into his eyes, seeing he was nervous, and that made her swallow thickly. “And does that scare you?”

“No,” Cameron held her a little tighter and smiled as he shook his head.

Flora let out a relieved chuckle.

“Do you want to get out of here? Maybe grab some food, and we can keep talking?” Cameron offered, never thinking the day would come when he wanted to have any type of deep conversation. “It’s your next surprise.”

“How many are there?” Flora smiled fondly as she ran her fingers through the back of his hair.

“One more after dinner,” Cameron tried to keep his voice from shaking at her touch. “The last one is simple, but I think you’ll like it.”

“I feel like our definitions of simple are very different,” Flora teased him, making him shrug bashfully. “Yeah, let’s finish our drinks and go to dinner.”

Cameron was a little too sad she pulled away, yet again, another chance to kiss her was missed. He grabbed his beer and took a few sips as Flora drank her cocktail.

He doesn’t know why he couldn’t take the leap. It felt as if there was a physical force stopping him, but Cameron had to push the anxiety down. There was no reason to be nervous. He knew Flora would be elated and probably relieved. But the 18-year-old was missing his chance by seconds every time, and the more it happened, the worse his nerves got.

Once they got outside to the pavement, Cameron asked, “are you okay to walk a few blocks?” He offered her his hand.

“Yes, so long as you hold on,” Flora chuckled as she intertwined their fingers. “Don’t let me get lost.”

“I would never,” Cameron scoffed and started walking in the direction they needed to.

“My last ex lost me at a concert once. I swear I cried in the loo for a half hour after not finding him,” Flora tried to laugh off. “He ended up getting to the front row and couldn’t give up his spot, apparently.”

“What?” Cameron quickly looked down at her. “How the hell did he not try to find you?”

“Because he was an arse,” Flora laughed again.

Cameron was a little broken hearing that, and it killed him because he knew what happened on their first date must’ve crushed Flora. “I’m really sorry about the night we met,” he said quietly. “I know I ran away, but I promise no more hiding.”

“I know you’re different, Cam,” Flora squeezed his hand, not wanting him to worry. “I hope you know that you have a really big heart.”

“I’m different, that’s for sure,” Cameron had to make fun of himself.

“Hey, c’mon,” Flora stepped closer to him and rubbed his arm with her free hand. “All those differences make you brilliant, and it’s been nice getting to know all sides of you.”

Cameron bit the inside of his cheek and kept his eyes on the pavement as they walked. “Until the side you see is-” he stopped himself and let out a deep breath as he shook his head. “I’m here, but sometimes it’s like I’m not. Sometimes I’m just- I’m not me.”

He was scared at the confession, but it was true. Sooner or later, Flora will see his blank stare off into space. She’ll see the pacing, the mood swings, and the frustration written on his face as too many voices cloud his mind.

“Then tell me when you start to feel a little lost, and I’ll help you find your way back home,” Flora said softly.

Cameron looked down at her, and so easily he could see the honesty. “You’re so different from my ex,” he hated bringing it up, but it was true. “Sometimes she would turn her phone off if I wasn’t okay because I was a bother to her and I just- I’m not used to opening up about it and having support.”

“Don’t be scared to ask for help, Cam,” Flora offered him a small smile. “Clearly, we’ve both had some growing pains, but what’s a better healer than hope? And-” she stopped herself for a second, needing to gather the courage. “And I feel a lot of hope with you.”

Cameron’s eyes were trained on her, his natural reaction was to smile. “I do too,” he said softly.

His hand was warm in Flora’s, and he could feel the heat running up his arm and all the way to his chest. It was wonderful in so many ways and something he could look forward to again and again.

“I’m happy the season is over. It means I get to see more of you,” Cameron turned them down a street, only a few buildings away from the restaurant.

“My night classes are on Mondays and Thursdays, but any other night, I’m yours,” Flora blushed as she grinned back at him. “But heavy homework nights also happen.”

“You can do homework with me,” Cameron offered. “I mean, I can write or draw while you work. But at least we can still kind of hang out.”

“I have a feeling I’ll get distracted,” Flora chuckled.

“What? By me?” Cameron dramatically asked as he placed an innocent hand on his chest.

“Yes, you,” Flora’s dimples appeared as she nudged him. “I’ll either check you out a hundred times or beg you to show me what you’re working on.”

Cameron’s smile reached his eyes, a spark going off in his stomach at the thought. “I say you come over then.”

Flora rolled her eyes fondly, her grin never leaving as the blue-eyed lad stopped them in front of a restaurant. “What’s this place?” She lit up when she saw the name Barcelona.

“They do tapas and Spanish cocktails. I thought a little taste of home could be nice,” Cameron smiled as he opened the door for her.

“Are you always like this?”

“Always like what?” Cameron froze.

“I dunno, like-” Flora couldn’t wrap her head around it. “Like caring?”

Cameron hated the thought that no one really put effort into Flora. “I told you on our first date I was a sap. That’s never going to stop,” he offered her a small grin and gestured inside.

Flora was beaming and almost rushed inside, her smile growing as Cameron laughed, amused, and followed behind her.

The blue-eyed lad asked for a corner table, knowing it meant fewer people and noise, and luckily, they didn’t have to wait at all. As soon as they were shown to their table, Cameron pulled out Flora’s chair for her, and he could tell she was surprised. Clearly, it was going to take a little while for her to register that this was how he was.

Immediately, Flora grabbed the menu, and Cameron watched her fondly, seeing how excited she was as she read it.

“Oh,” Flora gasped and waved her hand to get the blue-eyed lad’s attention. We either eat a lot tonight or come back again because I need to try most of these.

I say we do both, Cameron laughed, starting to figure out that Flora likes to sign when they’re surrounded by people. We eat a lot tonight and come back and do it again.

You’re planning a lot of dates, Flora slightly smirked.

Cameron shrugged, the smile never leaving his face. Call me crazy. I like spending time with you.

It’s almost hard to believe, Flora signed bashfully.

Well, believe it, Cameron’s smile grew slightly.

He saw like him, it would take a little convincing of his feelings for Flora. But luckily, he’s a guy with a lot of feelings, and he feels comfortable enough to share them with her. It was so different and nice, for once, Cameron was okay with being vulnerable.

When I was at dinner on Sunday with my family, they asked about you, he signed, chuckling as he thought back to how excited they all were. They also congratulated me multiple times on getting a girl as gorgeous as you to go out with me.

Stop, Flora blushed and bit back a smile, but just as she was about to sign more, their waitress came up to the table.

Pick out drinks for us. I’ll order, Cameron signed quickly.

And Flora didn’t even need to look at the menu to know what cocktails they should have. She signed to the blue-eyed lad and he easily translated and thanked their waitress before she walked off.

What did you say about me to your family? Flora felt a rush of nerves wash over her.

Cameron shrugged, his grin growing as he remembered how excited they seemed for him. That you make me happy, he signed, his gaze on her soft. That you're brilliant in so many ways, and sweet and understanding.

Flora’s jaw went slightly slack, not expecting that. “You said all that?”

Well… Cameron shifted his hands as he laughed quietly. My twin spilled everything over the course of the night. But I did keep him up way too late talking about you after our last date.

Flora muffled a laugh into her hand. I love how you can write and sing beautiful songs, but you struggle talking, she slightly teased him.

Cameron quickly felt his cheeks heating up as he shrugged. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, and I think I can with you, he confessed. It’s kind of hard not to brag about being with you.

Flora was surprised. Her smile was a tell that she loved to learn that. You need to know you’re one to brag about, too, her face softened.

That was shocking to the blue-eyed lad. In his mind, he was a mess and hard to love. He gets moody and impulsive, sometimes overbearing. And he was scared Flora would see it, that he’s not always like this. It feels like sometimes he’s not him, and there’s no off switch. He could be having a great day, maybe even a great week, but little things can make his great day feel like the world is ending. There’s no easy fix. But Cameron was being himself tonight, and he could see Flora fell for him maybe as much as he had for her.

Talking with her was easy. Cameron looked forward to their conversations, which was something he’d never really had with anyone. It was hard not to think about Amira and compare. She was his first love. But after meeting Flora, Cameron wasn’t so sure it was love. He didn’t know, but he was ready to put his heart out and find out.

The more he and Flora signed, the more he ached to learn about her. They had a few of the same favorite telly shows, and Cameron knew his smile reached his eyes as they quoted entire scenes back and forth. And he was clutching his stomach with every embarrassing story Flora had of her brother.

You made some incredible tapas choices tonight, Cameron signed before he slumped in his chair and rubbed his stomach.

You look like you’re about to nap, Flora chuckled before picking up her glass to sip it.

All of it was so good, Cameron could easily say it was one of his new favorite cuisines.

I can make most of what we ate tonight, she smiled a little proudly.

“Really?” Cameron said and signed as he quickly sat up. You cook?

The green-eyed girl nodded and muffled a laugh into her hand. My mom and I did all of the time. We have a lot of family recipes.

That’s amazing, Cameron was beaming. We’ll have to cook together.

Wait, you cook? Flora didn’t believe it.

My pop owns two restaurants, and luckily, all of my siblings and I picked up some of his skills and not my dad’s, he was more than happy to show off.

Look at you, planning more dates, she had to tease him.

Camerons smiled a little bashfully as he shrugged. There’s a lot to look forward to with you. I love nights like this and surprising you. But it’s the simple everyday stuff that matters.

Flora looked at him endearingly, her heart skipping a beat. Cam the charmer.

He smiled back, his gaze finding her hand as she rested it on the table and he easily reached to place his hand on top of hers. “Get used to it, love,” Cameron said before raising their hands and kissing the back of Flora’s.

He saw her freeze, Flora’s eyes almost wide but dimples more than visible. Cameron’s heart was thudding as he felt her skin against his lips, and it was a feeling he wanted to get used to.

“Want to get out of here?” Cameron asked. “I think it’s time for your next surprise.”

Definitely, Flora knew her eyes were crinkling from smiling so much.

Cameron grinned back at her, needing to kiss her hand one more time as he heard her laugh nervously.

He got their waitress’s attention, and as soon as she passed him the receipt, he gave her his card, not even bothering to look at it so they could leave quickly.

“Thank you for dinner,” Flora smiled once they left the restaurant, and Cameron offered her his hand.

“Of course,” he said happily, making sure they were pressed together so he could keep her warm from the November chill. “Are you okay being in the cold for a little? I can give you my jacket.”

“I’ll be fine,” Flora chuckled endearingly as they walked along the pavement. “You need to keep warm too.”

“Eh,” Cameron shrugged. “You’re more important.”

She looked up at him, surprised to see Cameron’s eyes already on her and smiling softly. “You’re really wonderful and sweet and-... Just not like other guys,” Flora said quietly.

The blue-eyed lad’s smile faltered for only a second, but he was able to fight away the thoughts that told him he wasn’t those things. “It’s nice to hear that from someone outside my family.”

“Of course, and I understand how you feel,” Flora bit her lip. “They’re family, so they have to love us, right? Faults and all,” she tried to laugh off.

“Exactly,” Cameron chuckled, wanting to keep it light as they walked.

“It’s been so nice being able to communicate with you,” Flora squeezed his hand. “You and Juan are the only people I really talk to besides my parents.”

“Another date idea. You need to teach me LSE,” he smiled down at her. “I feel like that may be the only way to talk to your parents since they don’t speak English,” Cameron laughed quietly, but as soon as he said it, Flora stopped walking. “What?” He asked, confused.

Flora opened and closed her mouth, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. “I’m sorry, my brain stopped for a second,” she chuckled and shook her head. “I’m just- I’m shocked you want to learn LSE.”

“Why?” He furrowed his eyebrows

“I’m used to my boyfriends writing on whiteboards or typing everything out,” she said quietly. “But we can already use BSL and talk, and you still want to learn more.”

Cameron’s heart jumped a little as he heard her say boyfriend. The thought of him being that to her had his pulse racing in a great way. “Well, that’s what you grew up using, and it’s important,” he tugged her a little to get her feet moving, smiling as he saw Flora look at him like he was too good to be true.

“My parents are going to love you,” Flora chuckled as she started walking with him again. “I know when Juan and I go home for Christmas, they’ll ask a million questions.”

Cameron knew his face was red, but luckily in the dark it wasn’t noticeable. “How long will you be gone?”

“A week and a half,” Flora said a little sadly. “I’m excited to see them, but I’m not looking forward to missing you.”

“You’ll miss me?” Cameron smiled as he asked.

“Of course,” Flora scoffed.

Cameron hated she was going away, but his gut erupted hearing that. “Why did you move here? I imagine not seeing your parents is hard.”

“I miss them a lot,” Flora said quietly. “But-... I couldn’t stay in Madrid. I just needed a fresh start after my last relationship.”

He looked down at her softly, and it was clear Flora had been hurt time and time again. “Well, it’s working out, right?” Cameron offered her a small smile and loved to see her grinning back up at him as she nodded bashfully.

He had them cross the street and turn a corner, knowing they were coming up on where he wanted to go next.

“Uni seems to be going well for you, too, right? I mean, you’re working on a pretty cool video game right now in school,” Cameron squeezed her hand.

Flora hummed and quickly nodded. “I’m really happy with how it’s turning out.”

“It’s like a horror game, yeah?” Cameron asked, his nerves racing a little in an addictive way the closer they got.

“Survival horror RPG,” Flora smiled. “I like going a little dark at times,” she slightly joked.

“What’s it called again?” Cameron asked, only a few yards away.

“The Night of Samhain,” Flora had a bit of a skip in her step as they walked.

“Hm, interesting,” Cameron stopped where he was, making Flora furrow her eyebrows at him. “Would ya look at that?”

Flora was confused when she saw the blue-eyed lad pointing up, but her jaw dropped when she saw an entrance to a park called “Samhain.”

Cameron couldn’t fight his smile as he saw her shocked face. “I was doing a little research after you talked about the game and found out we have a park called it.,” he said, Flora absolutely shocked. “I guess they have a festival every year on Halloween to mark the beginning of harvest season.”

“And welcoming the darker days,” Flora whispered, a slow and soft smile appeared. “It’s the time barriers are broken between the spiritual world and real world,” she was amazed. “That’s like what my game is about.”

“I know,” Cameron turned to face her and smiled, only to get tugged into a hard hug. “Happy?” He laughed as Flora held onto him with a death grip.

“Very,” she whispered into his neck.

Cameron’s heart was thudding as he hugged her back tightly, her petite frame fitting too perfectly in his arms.

“Thank you for listening to me,” Flora said, refusing to let him go.

The younger lad’s breath came out shakily, slowly closing his eyes and trying to hold on to this moment. “Same goes for me,” Cameron rubbed her back and felt his heart race as he felt her soft breath on his neck. “Good things come to those who wait, right?”

Flora just barely pulled away to look at him, her smile gentle as she combed her fingers through the back of his hair. “Do you know the rest of the quote?” She asked, easily seeing the answer was “no,” as Cameron looked at her confused. “Better things come to those who don't give up, and the best things come to those who just believe.”

Cameron looked into her eyes, and the hope and want he saw was hypnotizing. He felt that hope and the spark of believing. It was so rare, and in this moment, he needed to chase it.

He didn’t have to think before he dipped his head and connected their lips, immediately feeling Flora gasp in surprise before she held onto him a little tighter and kissed him back. And the simple action had Cameron’s pulse spiking, a wave of heat crashing over him the longer she held him.

It was so right, she was. Kissing her made time stop, a lasting moment of peace that Cameron could easily have repeatedly. And he did, pressing his lips to hers again and again and feeling Flora melt into him.

She had Cameron’s stomach twisting into knots. What he thought he would feel couldn’t compare to real life, and it was a feeling he knew he could get hooked on.

“You finally kissed me,” Flora barely pulled away and chuckled as her fingers ran through his hair.

“About time, right?” Cameron joked before giving her another peck and making her giggle.

“Definitely,” she said with a nervous but excited smile.

Cameron loved how easy and how naturally he smiled with her. It took no effort for Flora to take his breath away. Her eyes were shining in the moonlight, a more than noticeable gleam. She was beautiful inside and out.

He could get used to having nights like this.

Friday- Late November

“You okay?” Harry asked carefully as he and Louis joined Rory on the couch.

The 18-year-old huffed as they sandwiched him. “Fine,” he muttered.

“Buddy,” Harry said a little sadly, seeing he wasn’t at all and the episode hadn’t even started yet. “We know you’re nervous, but it’ll be alright,” he rubbed his son’s back.

“Pop, you’ve been saying that every week, and every week it gets worse,” Rory hated they were only on the third episode of RuPaul.

“C’mon, Ror, it’s just the media blowing it up,” Louis gently nudged him.

Rory didn’t say anything as he crossed his arms over his chest and slumped into the couch. And because he was silent his parents continued to look at him worriedly until Cody coughing across the room took their attention. For a moment their worry shifted somewhere else, but not as long as Rory hoped.

“We get it love, you’re scared,” Harry hated to see his boy in silent agony. “But have faith in the relationship you have… It can be hard sometimes, but it’ll be needed down the road.”

Rory bit his lip, his gaze shifting to his lap. He wasn’t just scared, he was terrified. Every week, Emerson and Constance get closer, and every day, Rory feels like his relationship is slipping through his fingers.

The blue-eyed lad wanted nothing more than to think he was overreacting, but none of this sat well with him.

Rory was grateful the show started so his dads would leave him alone, but he was also dreading what he was about to watch.

Right after the opening, the very first thing they saw was the queens entering the workroom. Some were laughing and talking to each other, but not even 5 minutes in, and Rory’s face fell, seeing his partner and Constance holding hands and skipping into the room.

He hated how they were smiling at each other and quietly whispering. It made his blood pump angrily, his scowl and clenched fists noticeable.

“Rory-”

“Don’t,” he stopped his dad, his eyes boring at the telly.

Louis and Harry looked at each other nervously, and it was clear they weren’t the only ones as a heavy tension came over the room.

It was obvious all of their kids were watching Rory for his reactions as the episode played, but all he wore was a hard glare.

There were group or pair challenges every week, and there was never a time when Constance and Emerson didn’t try to fight to work together. It broke him that he couldn’t look forward to watching Emerson. It was hard to feel proud when he was humiliated weekly that his partner was acting like this with someone who wasn’t him. But more than that, he felt his heart breaking repeatedly.

Emerson was an obvious runner-up, it was clear they were after the crown. And Rory saw his partner flourish, challenge themselves and keep their head held high. But the moments between Cosntance and Emerson made Rory want to turn the telly off.

“I say you walk the runway in that,” Constance looked Emerson up and down as they got ready for the catwalk.

“My underwear? Oh yeah, Michele would love that,” Emerson laughed sarcastically before reaching for their hip padding.

“I’d give you a 10/10,” Constance smirked.

“I know, you only tell me every time we get dressed.”

Rory’s blood was boiling. His face went from anxious to rage as he saw Emerson smiling. “This is so fucked.”

Harry didn’t know what to do as he heard his son muttering curses to himself and rubbing his hands over his face. As the minutes passed, he could see Rory cracking, and it broke him to witness him get so hurt.

“Rory, you know-”

“Nobody talk to me,” Rory stopped Cameron, feeling every pair of worried eyes on him.

The room was silent, and Cameron’s face fell, seeing his twin a second away from crying.

Rory couldn’t peel his eyes off the telly, and as the queens got critiques on their catwalk outfits, he was a little too happy Constance didn’t do so well this week. But he hated how upset Emerson got for her. As soon as they were back in the workroom as the judges deliberated, they were practically in Cosntance’s lap and comforting her.

The blue-eyed lad had never wanted to hurt anyone in his life, but he swears he was ready to jump into the telly as Constance wrapped their arms around Emerson and pulled them even closer. And it hurt to his core that his partner didn’t stop her, throughout this competition, it was as if he didn’t exist.

There were a lot of worries about Emerson being on the show, but this wasn’t on his radar. Rory didn’t think this could happen to him.

“Are you okay?” Louis asked quietly.

“What the hell do you think?” Rory nearly spat through his teeth. “Constance better get fucking eliminated.”

“Ror,” Louis nudged him, there being little ears around.

“Honestly dad, did you expect a good answer?” Rory raised his eyebrows at him.

Louis bit his lip, not sure what to say as he saw his boy’s cloudy eyes and rage behind them. “I don’t know, I’m sorry,” he said just loud enough for him to hear.

Rory shook his head angrily, wanting nothing more than the other queen off the show and away from Emerson.

He wasn’t ready for the mass amount of articles that were bound to come out. New ones are popping up continuously about the famous Rory Tomlinson losing his relationship. And now the 18-year-old was starting to believe them.

When critiques came Rory sat up a little straighter, needing Constance to be in the bottom.

Emerson didn’t win this week, but they were safe. And it was sad, but Rory wouldn’t be upset if his partner did get eliminated. It meant they would come home, that all of this would stop.

Constance ended up in the bottom and had to lip-sync for her life. Rory was close to praying for her to lose, needing and wanting her to leave the show. The entire performance, he was holding his breath, his heart rate picking up as Constance wasn’t doing great, which meant they might really lose.

“C’mon, c’mon,” Rory muttered, his knee bouncing furiously as RuPaul paused before giving her decision.

“Cosntance Struggle…” Ru said with a dramatics. “I’m sorry, my dear, but your journey ends here.”

Rory let out a relieved breath, not feeling bad in the slightest as the queen started to cry. But his lungs felt empty as he saw Emerson crying as much, if not more than Constance.

The sight broke him, his hatred growing as Constance walked off stage to hug Emerson goodbye. And it killed him how long they held on to each other, how before Constance walked away, she kissed his partner too close to their mouth and whispered something to them.

“I-...” Rory gulped, his eyes unable to move from the screen despite feeling a few tears slip.

“Love,” Harry reached for him carefully. “They’re off now so-”

“I’m fucking heartbroken and humiliated! What the fuck is this?!” Rory screamed as he pushed himself off the couch. “I-” he could barely choke anything out as his tears fell faster, his thoughts moving a thousand miles a minute. “I-I was looking at rings, and now-” he stopped himself, sobbing into his hands.

“Oh, honey,” Harry rushed to wrap his arms around his son, and it hurt to feel him crying against his chest.

“I-I planned a life with them,” Rory mumbled against him.

The agony in the air was obvious, all of his siblings looking at him in a way that he hated. It meant they all saw it too, that he wasn’t overthinking. This was really happening.

“I need a second,” Rory got out of his pop’s arms and fast-walked out of the living room.

Every pair of eyes followed him, but it was Cameron who got up and walked after his brother.

“Rory,” he reached for his twin’s arm before he could get past the kitchen.

Rory didn’t try to hide his crying as Cameron tugged him into his chest for a strong hug. And it took all of Cameron’s power not to cry himself as he saw how shattered his brother was.

He was hugging him back tightly, Cameron’s shirt becoming wet with how many tears fell.

“What the fuck is happening to me?” Rory sobbed as he held onto his twin, his lungs refusing to take in air.

Cameron gulped, and as he blinked, a few tears slipped. “Your heart is breaking,” he barely whispered as he hugged him a little tighter. “And I’m so sorry it is.”

Those words hurt Rory from the inside out, his entire world felt like it was burning. It was another week until he saw Emerson, but at this point, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. Rory was terrified to find out what was going on and what had happened between them. But there would be no escaping it, and he feared his heart would shatter even more when he finally talked to Emerson.

Later that night

“Hey,” Louis breathed out as he climbed into bed next to his husband.

Harry offered him a tight lined smile, it seeming all night everyone was struggling after watching the show. “Cam called while you were in the shower. I guess Rory holed himself up in his room.”

Louis hated to hear that, fearing that this could get even worse with articles bound to come out tomorrow. “What do you think about the whole thing?”

The curly-haired lad shrugged as he bit his lip. “After tonight, I’m really not sure,” he said quietly.

Louis was just as hesitant. “I don’t think Emerson would ever cheat, but that-...” he trailed off. “That didn’t look good.”

Harry nodded his agreement. “You know I don’t like to compare our relationship to any of the kids’, but with this one, it’s hard not to,” his heart was beating uncomfortably in his chest. “It makes me think of you and Jake, but this is so much worse.”

The blue-eyed lad couldn’t say anything for a moment, his mind flashing back and remembering how much it affected his family. “What if Emerson and Constance were just friends?” Louis had to hold out hope. “Maybe they were really close, and that’s all.”

“Even if that’s the case, what they’re doing now is hurting Rory,” Harry felt a bit of anger brewing about the situation. “Emerson knows how sensitive he is. In the back of their mind, they know this is wrong.”

Louis didn’t know what to say, agreeing with his husband too easily. “Do you still think about what happened with Jake? Like-... Did you ever not believe me?”

Harry looked down as Louid laid on his chest, the smallest of frowns appearing. “There were some times,” he barely said, making Louis’ face fall. “He showed up at Cody’s 1st birthday after Italy, and I was terrified when I found you two talking… I didn’t know what to think,” remembering too easily how it felt like he saw their relationship shatter in seconds. “You two were really close, and those pictures were impossible to look at.”

Louis felt a knot form in his gut, his chest tight as he saw his husband replaying the memory. And the older man could see it too. Him and Jake leaving the restaurant, and Louis had an arm around him because he was drunk. Or paparazzi catching Jake leaving his hotel room in the morning. It was bound to be a scandal, and Louis knew he crushed Harry.

“For a little while, I thought you reconnected with him years back.”

“What?” Louis picked his head off of Harry’s chest. “When?”

“I think it was 11 years ago,” Harry said quietly. “Al and Hayden just started dating, and I was pregnant with Charlie… You were out late almost every night for weeks and never left the office,” he recalled how terrified he was, but after Louis told him about Nick his terror turned to anger towards the coach. “I dunno, you just never stop being scared every once in a while.”

“Was that the last time it happened?” Louis knew he sounded nervous for the answer. But he was relieved when Harry nodded and offered him a small smile. “M’not gonna lie, it hurts a little that you think I could ever do something like that to you.”

Harry looked down at where his husband was rubbing his chest, his touch gentle. “The way you guys were with each other made me worry. I can’t explain it,” he shook his head. “You were best mates in Uni, then that scandal happened when Cody was 1, and he tried to kiss you while I was pregnant with Rosie, it all-...” Harry stopped himself, not even wanting to think back to those days.

“But I asked every time if it was okay to see him and you said it was,” Louis couldn’t stand to hear that he had hurt him multiple times over this.

“I’m not going to dictate who you see, Lou.”

“But you can tell me when you’re uncomfortable with something,” Louis sat up a little bit, his face falling.

The green-eyed lad shrugged as he bit his lip. “I was scared of sounding controlling,” he said quietly.

“You know I never saw him once I told him I won’t talk to him again after he tried to kiss me,” Louis now felt like he had to assure him.

Harry nodded, deep down knowing that. “What happened with us is one thing, but Rory is really seeing these things and I know the impact it’ll have on him.”

Louis honestly couldn’t imagine. He could never picture Harry looking at someone the way he looks at him, but the mere thought hurt.

It was bound to be soul-crushing after watching Emerson on telly acting like that.

“I’m going to call him tomorrow and check in,” Harry pulled the older lad back down with him and wrapped his arms around Louis. “It’s heartbreaking he was ready to propose and now he doesn’t even know if they’ll have a future.”

The constant waves of the kids hurting crashed over the pair like bricks. It’s as if it was one hit after the other, and the older they got the more complicated things became. And it was hard to keep the hope, hard to tell their kids that good things come to good people. They were seeing that’s not always true, that no matter how you treat the world it can still spit you out.

Louis and Harry knew all they could do was be there when the days got hard. There was nothing they could do to stop their tears.

Once upon a time, the only things they cried for were more dessert or not wanting to go to bed. Not anymore, though. The days of them being their little ones were done, and the challenge of finding yourself in a loud and crazy world was at their feet.

But they’re Tomlinsons, somehow, they always figure it out. They had to hold out, hoping those words were still true.

Chapter Text

Sunday- Mid-November

“C’mere you!” Louis jogged after Harley, her giggling echoing as she ran from him.

He slowed down just a little, causing the 1-year-old to look at him confused before he nearly sprinted and made her shriek and run away again.

There’s nothing he loves more than playing with his grandkids. The simplest things get them to smile and shriek in delight, and the noise fills Louis’ heart.

“Papapa!” Quinn came barreling into the living room as Harry chased her with a wide smile.

The twins reminded them so much of Cameron and Rory. They were always full of energy and ready for any type of game. Watching these two was a lot easier, though. They weren’t nearly as destructive as their boys were back in the day.

Louis swears there was a period when Cameron and Rory tested everything they picked up to see if it would break. As funny as the blue-eyed man found it at times, there were moments when his glasses or phone got utterly destroyed from being thrown or chewed on.

“My word, how do your daddies keep up with you two?” Harry laughed a little breathlessly as he scooped up Quinn and brought her to the couch.

“You okay?” Louis asked, seeing him breathing a little heavily.

“I’m not nearly as fit as I used to be,” Harry tried to laugh off before giving his granddaughter a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Oh yeah, ya know, the whole bronchiectasis has nothing to do with it,” Louis rolled his eyes and picked up Harley to sit with his husband. “Have you been feeling alright?”

Harry slightly shrugged, noticing Dezzy has been following him around like a hawk all day. “The stress isn’t helping it,” he said quietly.

Louis looked at him sadly. Since the kids were over Friday for the episode, he’d needed his oxygen mask a few times. But Louis couldn’t think about it too long before Harley patted his chest repeatedly.

Grandpa, juice please, she signed.

The blue-eyed man smiled down at her, there being no better gift in the world than communicating with the babies. “Quinn, you want juice too, love?”

Yes please, the 1-year-old signed sloppily before cuddling into Harry’s chest.

“Good manners,” Harry kissed her hair, only for her to snuggle even closer to him.

“Here, sweetheart,” Louis passed Harley to his husband and made sure he had the two of them settled on his lap before heading off for the kitchen.

“I can hear the squeals from the music room,” TJ laughed, seeing his father-in-law walk into the room as he grabbed some water. “It’s almost as wonderful as the music going on downstairs.”

Louis smiled back at him, loving that they had come over a little earlier so Cody could spend some time with Charlie. “Is Melly showing off her moves?” He joked, knowing how much the 6-year-old dances and sings whenever music plays.

“Oh, you know it,” TJ grinned just as much. “She loves watching Cody play drums, and luckily, she got her father’s dancing skills and not mine.”

“You were an adorable mess on your wedding day,” Louis laughed fondly at the memory as he got the twins juice. “Ya got two left feet like your dad. Austin can’t kick for shit on his left, or dance for that matter.”

TJ playfully eyed the older man. “You’re just jealous he beat you out for best goal.”

“The committee took pity on him because he was retiring,” Louis defended himself and rolled his eyes. “Besides, I won it the year after.”

“Because he wasn’t playing,” TJ scoffed teasingly.

Louis slightly eyed him, and the more he did, the more the 26-year-old was laughing. “You were so sweet as a toddler. What happened?”

TJ’s smile reached his eyes, muffling a laugh into his hand. “Your son corrupted me to your sassy ways.”

“Don’t let him ruin you too much,” Louis grinned a little hearing that. “I know he already convinced you to birth an army.”

The younger lad’s cheeks were red as Louis chuckled. “I tell him no more, but at this point, it’s kind of a running joke that I’d never say no,” he laughed bashfully. “He’s definitely your son.”

Louis shrugged innocently, but his smile showed he knew and was proud. “I know how badly he wants his own boy.”

“We’ll find out Wednesday,” TJ’s excitement was visible. “Really, no matter what, we’ll be happy, but I know if it’s a girl, we are cruelly outnumbered,” he joked.

“Plus, that period week is going to be hell when they’re older,” Louis laughed, but it was clear TJ had no idea what he was talking about. “Oh… Just wait,” he was getting horror flashbacks of Rosie and Alexis. “Do you guys have any names picked out?” Louis needed to change the subject before TJ could ask what he was talking about.

“We’ve had a boy’s name picked out since we found out about Melly,” TJ grinned as he thought back 6 years ago. “It’d be really nice to put it to use.”

Louis slightly furrowed his eyebrows as TJ seemed a bit melancholy for a second. “What’s the name?”

“You’ll find out if we have a boy grandpa,” the blue-eyed lad shook his head and teasingly smiled at him. “But let's just say you’ll recognize the first and middle name.”

Now more than anything, Louis was intrigued, and it took all of his power not to sprint to share his newfound knowledge with his husband. “Are you ready to tell the family tonight?”

“I am,” TJ nodded as he bit his lip. “I don’t think Cody ever will be.”

Louis could see that his son was dreading it as soon as they showed up, and the rest of the family wasn’t even here yet. “It’ll all be alright. You guys will see.”

“Hope so,” TJ said quietly, but he couldn’t add anything else before a loud shriek came from the living room.

“Papapa!!”

“Louis, juice!” Harry called out.

“Demanding lil buggers,” Louis chuckled as he grabbed the two sippy cups filled with baby juice.

“Hey guys!!”

The blue-eyed man stopped before leaving the room, smiling as he heard Alexis and saw her walk in with Hayden and Ben. “Hey, it’s the Montgomerys.”

“And the future O’Clearys,” Rosie chuckled as she raised her hand behind her sister. “We rode together.”

“Aw, look at Dec getting all red,” Louis had to tease the Irish lad. “Is Rosie starting to bug you about popping the question?”

“Post-it notes on the fridge saying “Marry me you fool” make it very obvious,” Declan was bashful but easily smiling at his girlfriend.

“Rosie!” Alexis looked at her sister shocked as Louis’ jaw fell to the floor.

“Ooh, I’m hearing a lot of voices,” Harry smiled widely as he carried the twins into the kitchen.

Of course the two 1-year-olds were squealing as soon as they saw their grandpa with their juice and made grabby hands.

“Easy monsters,” Louis laughed as he took Quinn and gave them each a juice.

“What did I miss?” Harry was beaming as he saw the house filling up.

“Rosie basically proposed to Declan,” Alexis snickered before stealing Harley from her pop and helping her drink her juice.

“But I thought-” Harry began.

“Hey! Guinness! Where’s the-”

“Yeah, yeah, the beer of your people,” Louis rolled his eyes playfully at Declan. “Garage, mate. And Rosie, there’s a few ciders. Go pick one out.”

Harry bit his lip as they walked out, seeing his family look back at him wide-eyed. “Did I almost totally screw up?”

“Yes,” they all said at the same time, making the green-eyed man huff.

“H, you know how much I love you, but you have no understanding of how surprises work,” Louis chuckled as he rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head.

“Poor Declan hasn’t learned yet that Harry can’t keep one a secret,” Hayden joked before going to the fridge for a pop.

Harry’s face went a little red, knowing he got too excited and tended to spill a few things.

“Remember, love, Dec is waiting until May,” Louis rubbed his back and pecked his cheek. “No saying a word until then.”

“It’ll make graduation even more special,” Harry easily smiled as he thought about it.

“And Benny bear don’t be like grandpa Harry, keept it a secret,” Alexis needed to remind the 6-year-old.

Ben shrugged. “I don’t even know what’s happening.”

“Good lad,” Hayden laughed as he ruffled his boy’s hair.

“How have you guys been?” Harry smiled at Hayden and Alexis.

There was a moment of silence as the pair looked at each other before the blue-eyed girl shrugged with a non-committed smile.

“Fine.”

Louis looked between them, feeling a slight heaviness. " Are you keeping busy, Hayden? I know we’re off for another month.”

“You guys start practice in two weeks, and I’ll be there. I can’t wait for a game,” Hayden laughed quietly. “I need to get out of the house.”

Louis was about to say something, but before he could, a loud and boisterous yell echoed through the house.

“Tomlinsons! I’m home!!”

Hayden groaned, but everyone else was laughing as Josh came into the kitchen with a wide smile.

“Hello, hello!” He said happily before going straight for Ben and wrapping him in a strong hug.

“Uncle Josh,” Ben complained into the older man’s chest as he crushed him.

“Accept the love,” Josh kissed his head again and again.

Ben groaned, annoyed but grinning as his uncle squeezed him.

They all jumped at a bark, though, and quickly looked down to see Milo wagging his tail excitedly, with Cody following behind him.

“Oh, good boy! Did you tell him I was here?” Josh squished Milo’s face and kissed the dog.

“He did,” Cody chuckled, Milo barks and nudges him twice whenever Josh is close.

Josh gave the dog one more kiss before standing up and beaming at his best mate. “Hey, baby daddy,” he said before hugging him.

“Josh,” Cody slightly warned.

“Why is uncle Josh here?” Melly furrowed her eyebrows.

Josh gasped and placed his hands on his hips. “Am I not allowed at family dinner?”

“I guess, but where’s aunt Zaria?” She never sees them apart.

“Lil miss, I expected a warmer welcome than this,” Josh pointed at the 6-year-old. “Aunt Zaria was tired, and your dad invited me. Is that allowed by you?”

Amelia shrugged and smirked a bit, seeing him get a little worked up. “I dunno,” she said dramatically, making the room muffle laughs. “I wish my auntie was here.”

“Well, your uncle is here, so-”

“Mate,” Cody nudged Josh, knowing his daughter was baiting him.

“Josh,” Hayden knew he could easily distract him. “How’s Zaria feeling? She’s what? 6 months along?”

Josh quickly smiled at his brother and happily nodded. “3 more months, and you all get another me!”

Louis and Harry playfully groaned at the same time, making the 26-year-old scowl.

“I was really hoping you would have a girl,” Louis chuckled, looking at Cody’s girls and knowing he could create a football team.

“No! I’m so happy it’s a boy,” Ben clapped excitedly. “I keep asking for a brother.”

The room felt like it almost came to a halt, all eyes on Hayden and Alexis for a second and seeing their sunken faces.

“Well, you get a boy cousin. That’s nice, innit?” Hayden offered him a small smile and rubbed his back.

“Yeah, I guess,” Ben shrugged. “I want my own baby though.”

“It’ll happen, mate. Some day,” Hayden said, but as soon as he did, he felt a hand furiously tap his arm. What? He signed to his wife as she glared at him.

You can’t say things like that to him. We’ve talked about this, Alexis signed over her son’s head.

Hayden looked down and shook his head. Not now, his face showed a little warning, knowing every adult in the room was watching them like hawks. “We’re excited for you, mate,” Hayden smiled at his little brother. “You’re a great uncle and you’ll be an even better dad.”

“Thanks,” Josh’s eyes were crinkling. “I’m so ready to have a little monster I can send after you guys,” he laughed before he felt a squeeze on his wrist. “What?” He asked Cody quietly.

Can we talk? Cody signed, his back to the room.

Josh nodded as he furrowed his eyebrows. “We’re grabbing beers in the garage,” he said before following his best mate out of the room. “What’s up?”

Cody rubbed his hands over his face, his heart beating uncomfortably in his chest. “I swear every time we’re about to tell them something fucked up happens a-and-”

“Cody, stop,” Josh said almost firmly. “Of course something is going to seem wrong every time. They have things going wrong with them daily,” he talked about his brother and sister-in-law. “Do you think a single day goes by without them thinking about it?”

The green-eyed lad bit his lip and shook his head as they turned down the hallway leading to the garage. “I just feel like shit.”

“I get it, mate,” Josh rubbed his back. “But you see how happy Hayden is for me and Zaria? You know Al will feel like that for you.”

Cody had to hope, but there was a voice screaming at him that his sister would be heartbroken.

“And c’mon, dude, we’re having babies at the same time!” Josh was trying to contain himself but shook Cody a little. “We need to be celebrating and with the people we love.”

He smiled a little at that. Cody knew the twins would be ecstatic. No matter what he did, they always cheered for him. And of course, he was sure Rosie and Charlie would be just as happy and probably make fun of him for being like their dad.

Cody wanted these moments, but even in all that good, he wasn’t sure if he could withstand the bad that could possibly come from Alexis. The thoughts quickly made his chest go tight, trying to suck in a deep breath but winced a little and coughed.

“You’re still coughing?” Josh furrowed his eyebrows and patted his back.

On and off, Cody signed with his free hand as he coughed into his other.

Josh rolled his eyes. “Seems more on than off,” he muttered. “See a doctor,” he said as he reached for the garage door handle.

“Mate, you’ll learn when you have a kid that you’re always sick and- Whoa! Holy shi- uh-” Cody went wide-eyed as he saw Rosie and Declan sucking face.

Josh broke out into hysterical laughter as he saw the two bright red, the noise echoing in the garage. “Oh, you two always surprise me,” he said fondly. “First, the bedsheets and-”

“Josh!” Both Rosie and Declan screamed, looking at him horrified.

“What bedsheets? What the fuck are you talking about?” Cody furrowed his eyebrows.

Rosie and Declan took that as their cue to leave and scurried past the two.

“Mate, Rosie told Alexis, who told Hayden, who told me, that-”

“No, no, stop it,” Cody quickly shook his head. “It was told from girl to girl, and I’m gonna leave it at that,” he didn’t need to know.

They grabbed their beers, and now Cody felt like he had to chug one just from the past few minutes alone.

Cody went to turn a corner but jumped as Cameron abruptly lept in front of him. “Fucking! Agh!” He groaned, making his brother laugh, and Cody went to turn past him but Rory jumped out from behind his twin. “Fuck!! Jesus! Guys!” He almost dropped his bottle.

“Every time,” Cameron snickered as he pounded his fist with Rory’s.

“We saw your guard dog in the kitchen and just had to take advantage of it,” Rory smirked. “We haven’t been able to do that for a while.”

Cody wanted to scream, but seeing the two smiling at the same time was an unfortunate rarity nowadays. “Dicks,” he muttered through his grin before coughing into his hand a few times.

“You alright?” Cameron furrowed his eyebrows. “You’ve been coughing over the mic.”

“Because I yell too much when you’re a shitty spotter in C.O.D,” Cody tried to laugh off before clearing his throat and leading them all to the kitchen.

“Am I really that bad?” Cameron furrowed his eyebrows as he followed after his brother. “Flora tells me I’m shit too. Now I’m really believing it.”

“You are shit,” Rory clapped his shoulder but was smiling as he said it.

Cody was grinning just as much as Rory when he heard Cameron mention Flora. “How’s it going with her, Cam?”

“Really great,” the 18-year-old bit back a smile.

“Did ya kiss her yet?” Josh wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“Hell yeah, I did,” Cameron was actually proud, but he almost regretted it as soon as they stepped foot into the crowded kitchen.

“Guys! Guys!” Josh jumped excitedly and got every pair of eyes to focus on him.

“Oh no, the town crier has news,” Louis teased.

“Cam kissed Flora!!” Josh shook Cameron’s shoulders.

He was sure his face was red as he heard his family cheering and clapping, all of them wearing way too big smiles. It was weird, but it was nice to be celebrated like this. Cameron felt like he was moving in the right direction.

“He did this huge grand gesture,” Rory chimed in, making his twin nudge him. “He had three surprises and-”

“Ror,” Harry stopped him before he looked at Cameron and offered him a small smile. “Cam can tell us if he wants to.”

The blue-eyed lad knew they were all watching him, but they were also smiling. It was nice. Cameron doesn’t know how, but the decision to fill them in was easy.

“I uhm, well on uh Wednesday, we went to this video game bar, and after, I took her to a tapas restaurant. ‘Cause, ya know she’s Spanish, so I thought that would be nice,” Cameron smiled a little nervously, but seeing all his sisters and pop straining not to squeal got him chuckling. “And uhm, after dinner, I took her to this park I found. She uh, she’s working on a video game right now at school, and the name of the game is the same as the park, so I dunno, I thought-”

“You thought right!” Harry couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Oh Louis! He’s your boy!” He shook his husband’s arm.

The curly-haired lad got the room laughing, and Harry loved to see Cameron with his head held high.

“And they kissed at the park,” Rory wiggled his eyebrows. “Tell them what she got you on your last date,” Rory poked his twin, making him slap his hand away.

“She got you a gift?” Louis smiled.

“She’s very aware I have a hard time sleeping,” Cameron laughed a little bashfully. “We were out yestserday shopping, and she got me a weighted blanket. She said she has one and it helps a lot.”

“Aw Cam!” Alexis squealed, her whole family looking close to yelling. “Did it work last night?”

“Too well,” Cameron chuckled. I laid down in bed with it and passed out before taking my meds.” For a moment, there was worry in the room, but Cameron quickly waved his hand. “But Flora always calls me at midnight to remind me to take my meds, and she woke me up and nagged me despite me being exhausted,” he continued to laugh.

Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh wow,” he was taken aback. “So, you’ve really talked to her?”

“Pop, I just kissed her Wednesday. What do you think we were doing for 2 months?” Cameron teased him.

“That’s awesome, mate. Congrats,” Declan clapped his shoulder and smiled at him.

The blue-eyed lad grinned back at him. Today was one of those good days that made the dark days a little easier to fight. Cameron was having more of these good days, and it was like a breath of fresh air.

All of their heads perked up as they heard the doorbell ring, and Louis was the first to head for the foyer.

“We ordered your favorites,” Harry grinned at Cody and TJ. “It feels like we have a few things to celebrate tonight.”

“I’m gonna be a dad,” Josh did a little dance, his smile blinding.

Harry muffled a laugh as he watched him, but his eyes also found Cameron and Cody. He could see his 26-year-old’s nervousness, but there would never be a time when he wasn’t. While Cameron was grinning from ear to ear, and it was a sight Harry truly missed.

Harry had the kids help him get plates and silverware out as Louis brought the food in and laid it all out on the counter. It was impossible not to laugh as Cody and TJ got plates for their kids, while also plates for themselves. Clearly, a lot of juggling will be happening in their future with another baby on the way.

“How’ve you been, mate?” Harry asked as he sat next to Rory and settled Harley on his lap.

Rory shrugged, keeping his head down as he cut up some of his food. “Surviving, existing,” he half-heartedly chuckled.

Harry looked at him sadly, his boy obviously hurting. “Do you know when Emerson comes home?”

“They got in the final,” Rory muttered, making his pop look at him shocked. “They film a few episodes a week but release one a week. I got a call today that the final is next Saturday.”

“Shit, mate,” Harry was in disbelief, but his focus momentarily got taken away as Harley smacked the table and started reaching for food. “So they invited you to the filming of the final?” He helped her eat.

Rory barely nodded before taking a bite off his fork. “Emerson didn’t call me, the studio did,” he said quietly. “Part of me is wondering if they just want me for publicity.”

Harry knew he heard his heart crack as he fed Harley. “Do you want to go?”

“After everything-...” Rory shook his head and let out a deep breath. “I dunno. Truth be told, I don’t really want to face Emerson at all.”

“C’mon, Ror,” Harry gently nudged him. “I know what they did hurt, and you’re scared about what you don’t know,” he said softly. “But every relationship has bumps…”

“But what if they say nothing happened, and I'll be questioning it for the rest of my life?”

Harry was scared to get that question because he knew nothing he would say could fully comfort him. “It’s all about honesty, Rory. You know the love Emerson has for you, and if something happened with Constance, then-... You’ll be able to notice the difference in them.”

Rory slowly turned his head towards his pop, but his eyes flashed to his dad sitting across from them.

“No, no,” Harry quickly stopped the thought. “Your dad never has, I just-” he let out a deep breath, trying to keep this conversation quiet amongst the many others going on around them. “You and Emerson have been together since you were young. They’re the only person you know inside and out,” Harry said softly. “That’s me and your dad. We’re all each other knows. There have been cheating scandals with your dad, and none were true. And I knew they weren’t true because he looked at me like he always does… Like a 17-year-old sap who fell in love,” he smiled a little, after 32 years, that smile hasn’t faded. “You’ll know better than anyone if Emerson tells the truth about what happened.”

Rory nibbled on his bottom lip, his thoughts moving in a frenzy. “I don’t want to see them because I’m scared of what they might say.”

“I get it, honey,” Harry rubbed his back gently before continuing to help Harley eat. “But this is one of those things you have to face. There are a few things in life you can’t run from or control.”

Rory nodded, hating he was right. “I’ll ask Cam to come with me to the final,” he said, knowing he would need the support.

“Nothing may have happened, Ror,” Harry said, wanting him to have a little hope. “You walked out when Constance said goodbye to Emerson, so you didn’t see Emerson’s face after she kissed them.”

“What?” The 18-year-old snapped his head up. “What happened after I left?”

“Emerson looked really shocked,” Harry said before finding just enough time to take his first bite of food. “They looked right into the camera and seemed a little teary-eyed.”

Rory had no idea, he and Cameron had left before the episode finished. “Did Emerson say anything? Like in an interview after?”

Harry was quiet for a moment as he shrugged. “The uh, well, the other queens were sitting around and badgering Emerson a bit after Constance left,” he said, picturing the shaken-up 18-year-old. “I think Emerson was overwhelmed, and they left the room crying, and your dad and I swear they were signing “I’m sorry” over and over again,” as upset as he was with Emerson, that was hard to watch.

“And?”

“That’s it,” Harry shrugged. “The episode ended after that.”

Rory swallowed thickly, not knowing if this new information helped or hurt. Was Emerson sorry the camera caught them? That Constance kissed them? Sorry that maybe something else had happened, and it was all crashing down on Emerson at once?

He’s been staying offline and away from articles, too scared of what they’re printing at this point. The past few weeks have been more tortuous than what Rory thought they could be, and he was scared that it could only turn worse when he saw Emerson.

But maybe not. Maybe Rory could sit with his partner, have a genuine, honest talk, and become stronger. It was the tiniest sliver of hope he had to keep in mind.

Dinner, as usual, was loud between two screaming babies, Louis, and the 6-year-olds. Cody was close to cracking and turning his hearing aids off until his pop called out for everyone to bring dirty dishes to the sink.

Somehow, it always got the family to quiet down as they got up from the table, but the noise quickly picked up again in the kitchen.

Thanks, but it only lasted so long, Cody laughed as he made eye contact with his pop.

I tried, Harry shrugged, smiling back at him. Are you ready?

Cody looked around the buzzing room, his pulse picking up as he thought about standing in front of his family.

“C’mon, mate,” Louis squeezed his shoulder, seeing their conversation.

The 26-year-old let out a deep breath but nodded before reaching for TJ’s hand. “Guys! Uh, hey!” He called over everyone, his husband squeezing him softly and smiling up at him. “Can we all go to the living room for a second?”

Immediately, the twins were smirking, and Josh gave Cody a happy thumbs-up. It got Cody smiling, and he was really hoping he could keep the smile on his face after telling everyone.

“Family meeting!” Amelia squealed as she ran into the living room and crashed into Ben.

“Melly!” He groaned, annoyed. “Find your own spot.”

“There aren’t any,” Amela said as she squished herself between her cousin and Declan on the floor. “Hi plushie.”

“Hi peanut,” Declan rolled his eyes fondly, loving the name she gave him all those years ago. “So your daddies have some news?”

Amelia shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe daddy buy the world.”

The 6-year-old made multiple people in the room laugh, her almost seeming serious.

“I’m working on it, love,” Cody smiled down at her, seeing everyone had found seats. “But uh, yeah, so- TJ and I have some news,” his nerves were racing through him, but with his husband rubbing his back and dads grinning at him, he gathered the courage. “We uhm-... W-we’re expecting again.”

Cody’s eyes were focused on Alexis, hearing a few shrieks but seeing his older sister gasp before her face filled with surprise. Everyone was screaming congratulations, but his and Alexis’ eyes were locked.

The curly-haired lad wasn’t sure if he could breathe as she got off the couch and walked towards him, his brain a jumbled mess of “what ifs.”

“You are so after dad’s record.”

Cody’s jaw went slack as Alexis smirked at him, and an airy laugh escaped him. “Al I’m just-” he swallowed thickly. “I-I’m so sor-” his eyes grew wide as Alexis slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t say sorry,” she chuckled lightly and shook her head before removing her hand. “I’m happy for you.”

Cody smiled a little, but then he really looked at her. His sister’s eyes were glossy, and Cody knew her tears weren’t happy. He had lived his entire life getting by on facial expressions, and the distraught look behind Alexis’ eyes and forced smile were too noticeable. He could see how hard she was trying to keep herself together.

“Hey, congrats buddy,” Hayden came up to hug him. “I’d love a mini you and Josh toddlin’ around together.”

“Creating trouble, of course,” Cody chuckled as he squeezed him back.

Hayden sent him one more smile as he pulled away and saw the mass amount of other Tomlinsons wanting Cody’s attention. “Hey,” he said to Alexis quietly. “C’mon.”

Alexis’ eyes found the floor as she followed her husband to the den, with each step holding back more tears.

Hayden closed the doors partly once they were in the other room and noticed Alexis had nearly thrown herself on the couch. “How are you feeling?”

“M’fine,” Alexis sniffled as she wiped a stray tear.

“Sweetheart…” Hayden said quietly as he went to sit with her. “You can tell me if you’re not.”

Alexis bit her lip, willing her tears not to fall any more than they already were. “I-I’m just-... I’m sad and feel like it will never happen again for us. We’ve tried everything,” she wiped her wet cheeks. “I’m happy for him, I really am. Boy billionaire has an empire,” Alexis smiled just the slightest. “But we would have a 1-year-old right now… And Cody has the twins and another baby on the way.” the words barely came out. “Just-... Constant reminders.”

“We need to take a break. A serious one,” Hayden said, his eyes focused on his lap.

Alexis let out a deep breath and shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“It’s not a want situation, it’s a need situation,” Hayden picked his head up to look at her seriously. “Since we lost the baby, it’s been all you’ve thought about. We need a little time.”

“How can I not think about it when I see the twins?” Alexis raised her eyebrows at him.

“Al, I get it, I do,” Hayden said through a heavy breath as he reached for her hand but she pulled away. “You need to stop.”

“Stop what?”

The green-eyed lad felt his heart thumping, hating how fast his eyes went cloudy. “Stop pulling away from me a-and please just- just let me take a break from the baby talk.”

“Let you take a break? I’m sorry, are you the one getting injections or having procedures or-”

“No, but I lost my baby too!” Hayden suddenly snapped as he pushed himself off the couch. “You haven’t let me grieve!”

Alexis was silent as she watched her husband sobbing into his hands, and talking about this only made her own tears fall more.

“Since we lost the baby, all intimacy has gone out the window!” Hayden cried. “It’s just sex! We do it because we have to, a-and I’m so fucking tired of it feeling like a job! I miss us!”

The blue-eyed girl swallowed thickly, there being nothing she could say to deny that. For too long, her head has been set on having a baby and not properly processing what happened to the baby they lost. Constantly trying, there was a little bit of hope that she could get her wish.

“H, I-... I’m sorry, love,” Alexis sniffled.

They’ve had so many fights, so many sleepless nights, and tears shed. Alexis was sick of it, she was hurting him and herself.

“We’ll take a real break… No doctor appointments or anything,” Alexis got off the couch to hug him and his strong arms immediately wrapped around her.

“I love you,” Hayden mumbled into her neck as he held her. “But we just need some time.”

Alexis nodded, letting her weight rest on her husband as he kissed her hair. “I love you too.”

Hayden kept her in his arms for a moment, giving them a minute before they joined the family again.

“You guys alright?”

Alexis picked her head up as they walked into the kitchen, seeing her dads getting tea for everyone. ”Yeah, we’re okay,” she offered them a small smile. “So, how long have you guys known?”

The older pair laughed a little and Louis shrugged. “About a month,” the blue-eyed man said.

“He was scared, huh?” Alexis could see it written on her brother’s face and gratefully accepted the mug her pop passed her.

“I think terrified is a more accurate description,” Louis poured as many mugs as he could before needing to put the kettle on for a second round. “We told him over and over you wouldn’t be mad.”

“I could never be mad,” Alexis shook her head, knowing she would have to talk to her brother some more. “I’m rooting for boy billionaire to be the ultimate girl dad.”

“Make sure you tell him that,” Harry smiled softly at her before passing Hayden a mug of tea.

It was relieving that the pair were okay. Harry swore he let out a calming deep breath as Alexis and Hayden walked into the living room.

“See? I knew it would be alright,” Louis said as he situated everyone else’s drinks.

“We literally heard Hayden yelling five minutes ago,” Harry’s heart broke a little, knowing things were hard between them right now.

“Well, of course, it hasn’t been easy for them, love.” Louis reminded him. “But they’ll be alright.”

Harry wanted to believe it, but he couldn’t help but worry. He’s been worried since they lost the baby. Things haven’t been the same for a year and a half. And with both Josh and Cody having babies, Harry was sure it was a mild form of torture for Alexis and Hayden. But they were handling it as best as they could.

Later that night- Cody’s POV

“Amelia Fay, pajamas!” Cody called out as he heard his daughter squealing and running all over the house.

“Good luck with that,” TJ chuckled as he carried the twins on his hips into their living room. “Grandpa Lou loaded her up with sugar before we left.”

Cody rolled his eyes, swearing his dad does that on purpose.

“How’re you feeling? You didn’t eat much at dinner,” The blue-eyed lad said before following his husband to the couch and passing him Quinn.

“M’alright,” Cody shrugged as he settled the baby on his lap and let out a heavy breath. “I just haven’t been hungry.”

“You’re losing weight,” TJ’s noticed it over the past couple of months. “And for someone built the way you are, it’s not healthy.”

“Stress, nothing but stress,” Cody huffed, pulling his daughter closer. “I’m a busy man, so finding time to eat-”

“There’s time to eat,” TJ stopped him, hearing the same excuse repeatedly. “I know the companies keep you tied up, but taking care of yourself is important.”

Cody shrugged, at this point, even his secretary tries to force-feed him, but he’s rarely hungry nowadays. “There’s just a lot going on,” he said, smiling a little as Quinn snuggled into him and he was quick to kiss her head.

“Well, you have to feel good about Al’s reaction, right?” TJ raised his eyebrows at him. “Her and Hayden seemed like they were alright.”

“They left the room and came back looking like they both cried,” Cody shook his head and had to let out a few coughs into his hand.

TJ bit his lip, definitely knowing Hayden seemed like he had sobbed. “Al told you a thousand times she’s happy for you, and I believe it.”

Cody was quiet for a second as he shrugged. “I want to believe she is, but I dunno…”

“Hey, enough of that,” TJ pointed at his sad face. “No more. We need to celebrate.”

The green-eyed lad smiled a little as he looked down at his husband’s stomach. TJ had a bump, but it’s been easily covered by jumpers. And Cody wasn’t shy at all as he started to rub his pregnant belly, and his grin only grew as Quinn started doing it too.

“Ready to be a big sister?” Cody kissed her head and helped the 1-year-old rub TJ’s belly.

“Daddies!!” Amelia came running into the living room.

“Miss, what are you doing?” TJ rubbed a hand over his face as the 6-year-old had half her pajamas on.

“I wanna mix and match jammies!” Amealia raised her hands above her head excitedly.

“Well, to do that, a shirt is necessary,” Cody chuckled fondly.

“Come help pick one!” She jumped excitedly before tugging on her dad’s hand.

Cody easily smiled down at her and passed Quinn to TJ, but he made sure to steal a kiss from his husband despite his daughter pulling on him. “Love, go easy on me,” he coughed a few times before following after her.

“Daddy’s getting old,” the 6-year-old smirked at him before taking off running. “C’mon!”

Cody groaned at the thought of running, even walking upstairs was painful at times. But he jogged after his daughter through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the foyer. As soon as he got to the stairs though he gripped the railing, not believing he was so out of breath. It’s been getting worse for weeks, and tonight Cody was really feeling how bad it has gotten.

Cody looked down as Milo nudged him with his nose and sat down. And the green-eyed lad swore he heard the slightest whimper, but he wasn’t sure.

“Daddy? Are you okay?” Amelia came running down the stairs and saw her father still at the bottom, coughing into his hand.

“Yeah,” Cody nodded and tried to smile at her, not needing her to worry, but he couldn’t help another hoarse cough from escaping.

“You need water?” Amelia asked and stood on the fourth step so she could pat his back.

“No, no, I’m alright,” Cody gathered himself at the same time Milo nudged him again. “C’mon, we need to finish dressing you.”

He held onto the railing tightly as he started to walk up, for once hating the grand staircase and how many steps there were. Of course Amelia was running again, but Cody knew there was no way he was going to try to jog. The curly-haired lad did take two steps at a time, and even that was painful.

Once Cody got to the top, he immediately went to grip his chest, it felt like it was dry but burning. He wanted to cough, it seemed like that was the only way to breathe at this point.

He coughed over and over again until it turned into wheezing and quickly had Cody’s pulse spike.

“Daddy?”

Cody opened his eyes and saw Amelia slowly walking towards him. The last thing he wanted was for her to see him so bent out of shape.

“I-I’m okay, love,” Cody said shakily before coughing into his hand.

“No you’re not daddy,” Amelia was nervous as she got closer. “Milo keeps whining.”

Cody looked down at Milo, his dog’s eyes pleading. He hadn’t heard him while he was coughing, but Milo was walking into him a lot.

Cody couldn’t say anything though, his cough was getting heavier, and he swore his lungs turned to cement. He was so scared, trying to sign to Amelia to go to her room, but he only had one free hand, and he was coughing so heavily he could barely sign.

“Daddy?” Amelia tried to reach for him, but he quickly shook his head as Milo started barking. “Papa!!” She screamed.

Cody’s eyes were squeezed shut, and tears were forming behind his eyelids as he coughed, but for a second he found himself a gap to take a breath and pull his hand away from his mouth.

He opened his eyes, his chest heaving as he looked down at his hand.

Cody’s world stopped, his eyes wide as he saw his hand shaking and blood on his palm. He stumbled, his back hitting the wall and feeling his knees tremble before his legs gave out.

“Daddy?!”

No. No. Cody’s chest was heaving, and his eyes immediately clouded with tears.

“TJ!!”

Chapter Text

“Pop?”

Harry perked up from looking at his laptop as he heard Charlie’s voice and saw her peek her head into the bedroom. “What’s up, love?” He smiled at her.

“Just saying goodnight,” Charlie skipped over to the bed to hug him.

Harry put his computer off to the side for a real hug and made sure to keep squeezing Charlie until she was squirming out of his arms. “Your dad is in the shower, but I’ll tell him to say goodnight after he gets out,” he kissed her head. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“Loads,” Charlie said happily. “I can’t believe Cody is having another baby. That guy needs to calm down.”

The green-eyed man snorted before muffling a laugh into his hand. “He loves being a dad. But I seriously think he’s trying until they have a boy.”

“Well, at this rate, he’ll end up with eight girls by 30,” Charlie joked.

Harry hummed, that not seeming to be a far-fetched reality.

The 12-year-old said a final goodnight and kissed her pop one more time before she left for her room.

“You getting sleepy too?” Harry smiled at Dezzy as he saw her yawning next to him on the bed and gave her a few pets.

But his attention was quickly taken away as he heard his phone ringing on the nightstand. Harry quickly furrowed his eyebrows seeing it was TJ, neither he nor Cody ever called at this hour.

“Hey, buddy, what’s-”

“H-Harry!” TJ’s voice came panicked over the phone. “Harry, we’re at the hospital a-and I dunno- he-”

“What?” Harry quickly sat up, with such few words feeling his heart race. “TJ, what happened? Who’s hurt?” He panically got out of bed, and started looking for clothes.

“Cody!!” TJ screamed as sobs came through the speaker, making Harry freeze. “H-he coughed up blood!”

Harry felt like he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move or think as he heard his son-in-law. “No… No, no, he-” the green-eyed man swallowed thickly and had to blink back tears.

“Harry please, I need you guys here!” TJ begged through his cries. “H-he’s not okay, and Amelia is sobbing, and the twins are a mess, and I-I’m a fucking mess a-and-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry slightly snapped out of his daze and in a rush threw clothes on. “Louis and I will be there soon. Please call me if something else happens,” he felt like the words barely came out before he hung up the phone.

Harry ran across the room to the loo and pounded on the door before harshly swinging it open.

“Geez! What, H?” Louis was startled as he popped his head out from behind the curtain.

“Cody-” Harry could feel the air get stuck in his lungs, his heart pounding and tears welling behind his eyes.

“Love?” Louis quickly got worried and turned the shower off. “Haz what-”

Harry couldn’t breathe, he couldn't think of the words, and within a flash, Dezzy was at his side and barking.

“Fuck, H?” Louis rushed to wrap a towel around his waist and reached for his husband as he clutched his chest. “C’mon, you gotta sit.”

The curly-haired lad shook his head, wanting to get the words out, but his lungs felt empty. Too fast, Harry’s mind started racing. Cody was having trouble breathing, coughing, and there was blood, and his boy must be terrified, but Harry was doubly scared.

“Harry? Fuck,” Louis’ anxiety skyrocketed as the younger lad started sobbing out of nowhere and Dezzy kept barking.

He ran for Harry’s oxygen pack and, in a flash, pulled out his mask and ushered Harry to sit on the bed.

“N-no, no,” Harry cried as Louis eased him down, but his husband didn’t want to hear any of it and put his mask over his mouth. “Cody-”

“Sign,” Louis rubbed his back as Harry’s voice came out muffled.

Harry didn’t want to sign it, he didn’t want to say it. But he had to.

Cody is in the hospital. He’s coughing up blood.

“...What?” Louis barely whispered, it was as if the world came to a screeching halt.

We need to go. Now, Harry was already pushing himself up from the bed despite Dezzy trying to nudge him back down.

Louis’ mind was racing in too many directions, flashes of Harry when he got sick and Des from 32 years ago began plaguing him. And here his husband was, shaking as he got up with an oxygen mask on.

“H-Harry-”

Sweetheart, I know, Harry signed before cupping Louis’ cheeks and seeing tears escape him. Trust me, fuck- I- he shook his head and sniffled behind his mask, unable to help his own crying.

Louis let out a few deep breaths, knowing he had to gather himself. “Facetime Al to come over to watch Charlie while I change.”

Harry nodded and reached for his phone. As the line rang, he took a few seconds to try to breathe.

“Hey pop, oh, are you okay?” Alexis was worried as soon as she saw him with his mask on.

Your dad and I need you over here as soon as possible to watch Charlie. Cody is in the hospital, Harry signed quickly, and tried to prepare himself for Alexis’ worry.

“What?” Her face fell before she lept out of bed. “Pop, what happened?”

Harry’s eyes only got more clouded, everytime he said it, it crashed on him like a sack of bricks. He’s coughing up blood.

“What?” Alexis froze, ignoring Hayden’s questioning behind her. “No, pop, no, please-”

Sweetheart, please just- Harry waved his hand as he cried. We need you over here.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be in the car in 5 minutes,” Alexis blinked back her tears as she ran through her house. “You guys go now. Charlie will only be alone for 10 minutes, but please get to him.”

We’ll keep you updated, Harry tried to control his breathing as he stood up.

“Pop,” Alexis said before he could hang up. “I love you a-and- and Cody loves you so much.”

Hearing that, the green-eyed lad tried not to break into sobs. How could Cody love him when he was the one who could’ve caused this?

“H, we gotta go,” Louis said, making sure he had all of Harry’s medicine and Dezzy’s things.

Harry sniffled and let out a shaky breath into his mask before signing his “I love you’s” to Alexis and ending the call.

Louis was moving in a frenzy, as soon as he had everything in Harry’s backpack, he ran into the hallway and to Charlie’s room. “Hey,” he quickly popped his head in, clearly startling the 12-year-old. “So uh, your pop and I need to go out, probably until the morning. Alexis is gonna be here in 10 minutes.”

Charlie furrowed her eyebrows as she sat up in bed. “Where are you going?”

“We’re just helping Cody and TJ,” Louis didn’t want her to worry. “We’ll text before school tomorrow, okay?” He walked over to hug her and kiss her head.

“Okay,” Charlie squeezed him back. “Love you.”

“Love you too, kiddo,” Louis gave her one more kiss before heading out of the room. “You okay?” The older man met Harry in the hallway and reached for his hand.

Harry yanked his mask down, feeling like his head was pounding from how much he was crying. “Of course I’m not fucking okay.”

Louis bit his lip, it taking all of his power not to cry and get drowned in his thoughts of how sick their boy could be. For now, he focused on helping his husband get to the car and begged him to put his mask back on.

Dezzy hasn’t stopped whining, and Louis knew she wanted Harry in bed, but that’s a luxury they don’t have right now.

“Just try to breathe,” the blue-eyed man said once they got on the road, talking to his husband and himself.

I can’t, Harry shook his head, his tears falling along the side of his mask. I can’t breathe knowing he can’t breathe and-

“No, no,” Louis shook his head as he sniffled and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Cody will be fine. He- ya know it could be an infection. He’ll be okay.”

Harry had to hope and pray. His initial thought that their son was really sick was drowning him. And the more his mind raced, the more he was thinking back the past few months. Cody has been losing weight, he wasn’t eating and has been coughing. Now there was blood, and Harry felt like, within seconds, he was 15 again and losing his best mate.

“H?” Louis glanced at his husband as he heard him break into sobs. “Love, please… I’m fucking terrified too-”

“Please hurry,” Harry cried behind his mask.

Louis swallowed thickly, the closer they got to the hospital, the faster his mind was moving. His chest was uncomfortably tight, and everything felt wrong. From the way his blood pumped through him to how his heart was beating. It felt like it barely was, and with his husband crying next to him, Louis was suffocating.

He blinked a few times and needed to let out a deep breath as he felt how many tears were falling. Louis had to be strong, he had to keep himself together and not fall apart. But it felt impossible with Harry sobbing behind his mask and knowing they were on the way to see their son, who was coughing up blood.

Louis shook his head, desperate for his thoughts to stop for a millisecond. While he drove, he tried to focus on breathing and not letting his mind drown him with every horrible scenario.

Once Louis parked, he jumped out of the car to help Harry and get Dezzy. As badly as they both wanted to run, the curly-haired lad’s breathing made it impossible.

“Oh my gosh! Do you need a wheelchair?” A nurse sprung up as she saw the two walk in.

“Please get him one, but he’s not being admitted,” Louis said, quickly making her look at him confused. “We need to see Cody Tomlinson. We’re his parents.”

“I can take you to him. But sir, you should really see one of our doct-”

Harry tugged his mask down. “I really appreciate your concern, but I need to see my son.”

She bit her lip and nodded before grabbing a wheelchair and rushing the pair to Cody’s room.

As soon as they were pointed to the door, Louis wheeled Harry inside, his heart pounding before a relieved gasp escaped him.

“Dad, p-pop,” Cody sat up in bed, already crying, but more tears escaped as he saw the two.

“You’re awake, oh thank God, you’re awake,” Louis felt like he could somewhat breathe as he pushed Harry’s wheelchair next to the bed and immediately wrapped his arms around his boy.

Cody squeezed his dad back, sobbing into his neck as his father kissed his head. But he was quick to reach for his pop too, only crying more as he saw him in a chair and with his mask on.

“Oh, my boy,” Harry’s voice came out muffled as he held onto his son for dear life.

Holding Cody made a new wave of tears escape Harry, not believing that he was here, that he was sick. His 26-year-old son felt like a 4-year-old in his arms, and it shattered Harry to his core seeing him this scared.

Where are the kids? Harry asked as he pulled away, only seeing TJ and he was sitting beside the bed and wiping his wet cheeks. And have they done any tests? Do they-

Cody reached for his father’s hands as he signed quickly, needing a second to breathe. “Austin and Allison were just here, they took the kids and Milo,” he said quietly, with the way his pop was looking at him made him want to cry even more. “They took some blood, and I’m going for a CT scan soon,” as Cody said it, his husband began crying into his hands.

TJ has been a mess since he found Cody on the floor with Amelia sobbing next to him. None of this seemed real. It couldn’t be.

“What are they testing for?”

Cody bit his lip as he looked back at his pop, seeing the terror behind his eyes. “Uhm… Quite a few things but uh- y-yeah… That,” he gave him a knowing look, and as soon as he said it, tears were in Harry’s eyes. “Pop, please don’t-” but Cody stopped himself as his father began crying and shook his head.

“This can’t be happening,” Harry said behind his mask before hugging his son again. “How are you feeling? L-like what’s going on?”

Cody let out a deep breath, his pop holding him like any second he could leave. And glancing at his dad didn’t help the feeling that he could go, him trying to hide how much he was crying behind his hand.

“I-I uhm, I’ve been coughing for a while and haven’t been all that hungry,” Cody said quietly as he pulled away. “And it’s just-... I’ve been having chest pain, but tonight-” his eyes went cloudy. “I-I dunno what happened- I just-” Cody couldn’t finish, for what felt like the millionth time he was body slammed into reality.

Harry wiped his son’s cheeks as he cried, not believing Cody was going through this. He was hooked into machines and coughing up blood, but more than anything, he looked terrified.

“Mr. Tomlinson?”

They all snapped their heads up at the voice, seeing a doctor walk in with a tight-lined smile and a nurse following him.

“We’re going to take you up for your scan.”

Cody let out a shaky breath as he nodded. “Can uhm, can my husband come?”

“Love, I want to, you know I do,” TJ sniffled as he reached for his hand. “But I can’t be near that equipment with the baby, I-” he glanced down at his stomach and had to will tears back.

“No, I know, I’m sorry,” Cody swallowed nervously as he held onto the younger lad tightly. “You guys stay here with him, please,” he looked at his dads.

Clearly, Louis and Harry were ready to offer to go with him, but Cody knew how much TJ needed some support too.

They all hugged and kissed Cody before he was taken, him barely out of the room, and all three of them were crying.

“Oh, buddy, c’mere,” Louis sniffled as he knelt in front of TJ and wrapped him in a hug,

The younger lad only sobbed more as his father-in-law held him, it hitting TJ over and over that his husband was sick. “T-this can’t be happening. He- he can’t be sick.”

Louis hugged him tightly as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop his never-ending tears. “I know the world feels like it’s crashing,” he whispered as he rubbed TJ’s back, feeling him shake. “But Cody is awake. He’s here with us.”

“Louis, this is only the first part,” TJ shook his head as he pulled away and wiped his cheeks. “What if-” he sucked in a deep breath, trying not to sob. “What if he’s really sick? What if he has cancer?”

Louis swallowed thickly, the word ringing in his ears, and he hated how quickly his eyes were pooling. And when he glanced at Harry, his heart broke, his husband hunched over and sobbing into his mask.

“It could not be that,” Louis had to hold out hope. “Maybe- well, maybe he has something like Harry or uh- I dunno- I-” his head started spinning, having no clue what could be going on and it terrified him.

“Louis, we-” TJ hiccuped, at this point knowing there was no fighting his tears. “W-we were supposed to find out the baby’s gender in a few days a-and now-” he glanced at the door, his anxiety raging knowing where Cody was. “How am I supposed to do any of this?”

“Listen, we’re here for you guys,” Louis wiped his cheeks with his thumbs. “Anything you need, you ask. You know that.”

TJ bit his lip, unable to look at the older man. “I-... I-I’m scared.”

Louis tried to calm his breathing, tried to keep himself together. “We are, too.”

He knew the worst-case scenario was running through all of their heads, and the thought had TJ and Harry sobbing. Louis wanted to try to be there for both of them, but this was crushing. His husband was coughing into his mask from crying so much, and he could feel TJ’s terror of losing his husband and raising four young kids alone.

As they sat waiting for Cody to come back, Louis saw horror after horror flashback. He remembers being 17 and seeing Des in the hospital, and he remembers Harry crying every time he saw his dad, not knowing how many more visits he would have. And when Louis glanced at his husband, he saw that terrified and heartbroken 15-year-old.

“Hey, love, look at me,” Louis went over to Harry and cupped his cheeks, holding back tears seeing him like this. “Please, sweetheart, breathe.”

Harry shook his head, feeling like he couldn’t with what was going on. This can’t be happening to him. It can’t.

Louis couldn’t say anything. Their reality was that their son was in the hospital. All he could do was hold Harry and try to get him to relax.

Dezzy was whimpering again, and Louis felt Harry’s shallow breathing. And the blue-eyed man knew no matter the results, the younger lad would be an anxious mess. Louis needed to calm him down at least the slightest before they were hit with heavy news.

They all perked up as the door opened, and two nurses wheeled in Cody’s bed. And as soon as Cody was settled, TJ was out of his seat and kissing his husband’s face.

“Dr. Holloway will be here in about 10 minutes with the results,” one of the nurses offered Cody a small smile before they left.

The 26-year-old let out a deep breath, but could only catch his breath for a second before his pop was hugging him. But he quickly wrapped his arms around his father, knowing he was just as scared as him.

10 minutes turned into 20 minutes, and as each second passed, the room filled with more anxiety. But finally, the doctor came in, and they all sat up a little straighter.

“Hi, Mr. Tomlinson. I’m Dr. Holloway, the hospital's head pulmonologist. I specialize in lung diseases,” she introduced herself with a small smile and shook Cody’s hand.

“Hi,” Cody said faintly, knowing his future was in the folder she had in her hand.

“So, I have your results, and I’d like to do further testing.”

“What?” Cody’s face fell, feeling TJ squeezing his hand. “W-well, what do you mean? Like- like, why? What’s on there?”

Dr. Holloway looked at him softly before taking out the X-ray and hanging it on the lightbox for them to see.

As soon as Harry saw the image, he gasped, and within a second, he couldn’t see the X-ray behind his tears. “N-no, no, no,” his chest immediately grew tight, knowing what this meant.

“Do you see this mass right here?” Dr. Holloway pointed, seeing them barely nod. “Unfortunately, this-... This is a tumor, and it’s 6 centimeters in size,” she said gently. “With what we found in your X-ray and seeing a genetic mutation in your blood, I’m certain we’re dealing with lung cancer… I’m sorry…”

“... What?” Cody stared at her blankly.

“No, no,” Louis quickly shook his head and started pacing, Dezzy beginning to whimper loudly. “No, you said you need to do more tests. So, maybe that’s not it. It- it can’t be, I-I mean-”

“Mr. Tomlinson, I need to do the tests to find out what kind of lung cancer he has,” Dr. Holloway looked at him sadly.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut as he heard her, but there was nothing that could stop his hiccuped sobs. “I-I did this to you,-” he choked out from behind his mask as Dezzy started to paw at his leg. “I-I- another fucking thing I did to you,” Harry could barely say before letting out a hoarse cough.

“Sir!” Dr. Holloway quickly went over to him, seeing the dog and noticing him struggling.

“Harry, no, please, no,” Louis rushed over to him, his tears feeling doubly worse.

But Harry’s coughing only got harsher, and Louis swore he was a second away from pulling his hair out as the doctor called for a nurse. TJ was sobbing, and Cody sat in his hospital bed in disbelief and within seconds, Louis’ pulse was racing, and his mind was all over the place.

“No, no,” he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, but horrible reminders of what was happening was all around him. “Breathe, just- fucking breathe,” Louis said shakily.

But he couldn’t. He was pushed out of the way so his husband could be treated, and his son has cancer. None of this was right; this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Louis sobbed into his hands, his brain feeling like a jackhammer was attacking it. He wanted to be strong, and he wanted to be present, but the horrible reality kept crashing on top of him.

“I-I’m Louis Tomlinson,” he mumbled into his hands. “I-I have my family who loves me a-and-” he opened his eyes, his husband sobbing as they put an IV in him, and Cody was silently crying just as much in his bed. “My life is on fucking fire,” Louis blinked a few times before rushing for his son and wrapping him in a strong hug.

“Dad,” Cody shook against him as his tears poured out. “This- no, no, I-”

“You’ll be okay,” Louis held onto him tightly. “We love you so much. You’ll be alright.”

Cody couldn’t grasp that this was happening to him; this couldn’t be his reality. But his husband was uncontrollably sobbing, and a bed was wheeled in for his pop as his coughing filled the room. His dad looked like he was a second away from a mental breakdown, and Cody was silently on his way there too.

He has a life to live, and there was a life he had yet to meet, and now there was a voice yelling at him that he never may. His life with TJ and their girls, his whole family, could be over.

“Cody,” Harry’s muffled voice came out.

“Love,” Louis let go of his son and went over to Harry as he got moved to a bed. “Please, I know it feels impossible right now, but just breathe for a second,” he begged, feeling like his eyes were permanently clouded seeing his son and husband in hospital beds next to each other.

Harry tried, but with the situation it was a battle he wasn’t sure he could win. He ruined his son’s life for the second time.

He watched his dad struggle; he grew too weak to even smile at times. Harry couldn’t watch that happen to Cody. He couldn’t stand the thought that his son wouldn’t be able to play with his kids the way he wanted, or Harry’s worst fear, not being there as they grew up. It was a crushing pain and Harry’s worst nightmare.

“Hey, look at me,” Louis said softly as his husband squeezed his eyes shut, and he waited until Harry opened them before he continued. “Cody isn’t your dad,” he said through a shaky breath. “He’s gonna get through this.”

Harry looked at their son, and just like when Cody was little, it was painful. He was the one causing the tears, the hurt, the-

“Stop it,” Louis said seriously, recognizing that face. “This isn’t your fault, love.”

How is it not? Harry felt even more tears welling.

And like all those years ago, Louis didn’t know how to convince him, and he didn’t know how to stop his husband from blaming himself.

“Please don’t do this,” Louis blinked back tears as he shook his head. “Not again, H. Please.”

Harry couldn’t control it as he looked at Cody, him and TJ crying and holding onto each other for dear life. He’s too young… He-

“Listen, the doctor still needs to do tests. We don’t know what stage or what specific kind,” Louis said softly. “We’ll get the best doctor. I don’t care if I have to fly them in, and they’ll make a treatment plan.”

Harry was barely able to nod. One luxury they definitely have is money, but money can only get you so far.

On the other side of the room, TJ was sobbing into Cody’s chest, holding onto him like any second he could leave.

“Cody, I-I can’t do this,” TJ shook his head.

“I’m here, and I’m gonna stay here for you and the kids,” Cody mumbled into his hair as his own tears fell. “I vowed to fight for you every day, and I promise I’ll keep fighting.”

He couldn’t leave TJ. He wouldn’t. Life with his husband and kids was beautiful, something Cody never imagined himself having.

It took a little while, but the tears slowly diminished and Cody asked for the doctor to come back in. It was getting late, but she said they could do a biopsy tonight and get results tomorrow. Cody wanted any and all information he could get as soon as possible so he could start making arrangements.

There was a heaviness as the doctor left the room, and Cody knew he would have to start getting used to this feeling.

“Hey, pop,” he said, making his father turn his head to look at him. And so easily Cody saw how quickly he got fatigued, how much he was struggling. “I love you.”

Harry had to will back another wave of tears, treating those words like gold. I love you so much, I-... I’m so sorry.

“Don’t,” Cody shook his head, trying to offer his father the smallest of smiles. “I’m not doing this again with you.”

Harry couldn’t believe the unconditional love his son has for him, it constantly blew him away. But it was hard not to feel the guilt.

“When uhm, when do you want to tell the family?” Louis asked quietly.

Cody stared at the wall in front of him, for a second feeling his mind go blank, not wanting to even think of their reactions. “I dunno… Not until after I have a treatment plan,” he barely muttered. “We’ll tell Austin and Allison when they bring the girls here tomorrow, but I-... I dunno,” Cody rubbed a hand over his face.

He didn’t know how to explain this to Amelia, and his twins would have no idea what was going on. But there was no doubt in his mind that his family would be panic-stricken, and Cody wasn’t ready to have the conversation.

“Al is at the house with Charlie right now. We’ll just say you’re waiting for results until you’re ready to tell her. But uhm, can I maybe call aunt Gemma?” Louis nibbled on his bottom lip nervously.

Cody slightly nodded, not ready to break the news, but he never would be.

A moment later, the doctor returned to take Cody to his biopsy, and Louis kissed his head and whispered his “I love you’s” before he left with TJ.

The blue-eyed lad noticed Harry slowly falling asleep, and seeing his husband so drained from his medicine killed him. But Louis took the moment as Harry rested to step into the hallway and pull his phone out.

As he dialed the number and thought about what he was about to say, tears pooled in his eyes, and he hated that he knew this would become a regular thing.

“Lou?” Gemma’s tired voice came over the phone as she picked up. “It’s late, did something happen with Ha-”

“Gem, I’m fucked up right now,” Louis squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing. “Things are fucked up a-and I can’t think or fucking breathe and-”

“Louis, what’s going on?” There was clear worry in Gemma’s voice.

“Both Harry and Cody are in the hospital,” his tears fell faster as he paced the hallway. “Cody-” Louis gulped and shook his head. “Cody has fucking lung cancer, and when the doctor told us Harry had a flare-up, and now he’s admitted too, and I-I can’t- I don’t-”

“No… No, no,” Gemma said quickly as she choked up. “No, Cody-”

“Gemma, please,” Louis nearly begged. “I don’t know what to fucking do. It’’s happening, it’s fucking real. My son and my husband-” he stopped himself and let out a cry into his free hand.

There was some rustling on Gemma’s end. “Louis, Niall and I can be there in 20 minutes. Will they let us in?”

“Cody’s a billionaire, he can get anyone in,” Louis said, his son was one of the wealthiest people in the world. “He has a suite, and him and H are in the same room.”

“Okay, just try to keep Harry calm, and we’ll be over to talk,” Gemma began shaking her sleeping husband. “We love you guys. See you in a little bit.”

Louis passed along how grateful he was before hanging up and letting out a deep breath as he walked back into the room. He saw Harry was asleep, and he was truly grateful so his husband’s body could try to repair itself a bit.

Louis threw himself into the chair next to Harry’s bed and texted Alexis they may be home tomorrow afternoon or evening. There was no way he could tell his daughter over the phone what was going on, but of course, as soon as he texted, Alexis called him.

“Hey, love,” Louis tried to keep the worry from his voice.

“Hey, did they get any results?”

“Uhm,” he nibbled on his bottom lip. “We’ll know more after a few tests come back… But he’s been awake and uh, yeah, we just- we’ll know more in a few days.”

Alexis was quiet for a second, knowing her father’s head was all over the place. “How are you holding up?”

Louis looked at Harry before reaching for his hand and carefully rubbing his thumb along his skin. “I’m not,” he said through a half-hearted chuckle.

“What can I do to help?” Alexis asked sadly, hearing the defeat in his voice.

Louis tried not to sniffle so his daughter wouldn’t know he was crying. He knew there could be nothing that would help. His son has cancer, and there’s no easy fix for that.

“Nothing uhm,” Louis had to clear his throat to keep his voice from wavering. “Thank you for watching Charlie. We appreciate it.”

“No problem. Anytime,” Alexis assured him. “When you and pop get home tomorrow I’ll have a special dinner ready for you two.”

“Thanks, love,” Louis smiled the slightest. “I’ll call you tomorrow. We love you girls.”

“Love you too. And tell pop, Cody, and TJ I love them too.”

“Will do, kiddo,” Louis kept his eyes on his sleeping husband.

He hung up the phone and released a heavy breath before his eyes fell on Dezzy, who rested at his feet. Louis glanced back at Harry, knowing he could be gone a few more minutes so he could take the dog outside.

Louis grabbed Dezzy’s leash and started to head out of the room, trying to take advantage of having some time alone to process everything. But he couldn’t think. His brain was shut off, and one second, he was walking down a hall, and the next, he was on the pavement outside the hospital.

The blue-eyed man felt incredibly out of touch, but having a blank mind for a moment was nice. He breathed in the cool November air, feeling winter peeking around the corner. Normally, he loved winter; it was his favorite season. But Louis knew winter wouldn't be the same for the rest of his life. It turned into the season Cody got sick.

He snapped out of his daze as Dezzy barked and looked at him. And Louis took that as his cue that she had gone to the loo and didn’t want to be in the cold. He also knew the dog hated to be away from Harry, and it was clear she was eager as she almost jogged to the suite.

Dezzy went straight to Harry’s side before standing and resting her front paws on the bed to sniff Harry.

“Does he pass the check, love?” Louis was a little entertained.

The beagle quickly started wagging her tail, and it was nice to have the silent confirmation that Harry was feeling better.

Louis reached for his husband and kissed the back of his hand. He held onto him, letting his thumb carefully rub against his skin. It was terrifying, knowing that the more stressed Harry got, the worse his condition got. Louis didn’t know how many more flare-ups they had in their future, but considering what was happening with Cody, Louis knew there would probably be a few trips to the hospital.

He sat impatiently, waiting for Cody and TJ to return, relieved that this procedure was quick. Louis was grateful TJ could be with Cody for this one, knowing just how scared the two were. It reminded him too much of him and Harry when the green-eyed lad got sick. The fear that if you blinked, they would be gone, and every word felt like the last. He hated that his son was learning this feeling and was so young.

Louis perked up as he heard the door open and saw them wheel Cody in. He immediately sat up to peek at his son and quickly saw he was passed out as they put his bed next to Harry’s.

“How was it?”

TJ sniffled as he shrugged and put his hand on top of Cody’s. “Okay, nothing went wrong,” he said quietly. “They’ll have the results tomorrow afternoon… Dr. Holloway said they can’t officially diagnose him without the biopsy, but she said it’s most likely cancerous.”

“Fuck,” Louis rubbed his hands over his face and let out a deep breath. “Gemma and Niall are on their way,” his eyes focused on his lap. “I’m sorry, I just- I need some support right now, and-”

“Louis, you can’t be strong for all of us,” TJ didn’t want him to apologize. “I’m sure Harry needs to see her too.”

The older man looked at his husband, Harry taking in heavy breaths and just barely holding onto his hand.

“Hey.”

The two were surprised at the soft voice, and turned their heads to see Niall and Gemma slowly walk in. As soon as Gemma saw the two sleeping in their beds though, her eyes teared up, and she placed a hand over her mouth.

“Oh, Lou,” she rushed for him, and he quickly stood up to let her engulf him in a hug.

Louis didn’t know how, but he was crying yet again. He felt like he had no more tears, but here they were streaming down his face.

“Hey, c’mere, mate,” Niall sniffled as Gemma let go of Louis, and he swept in to wrap his arms around him.

Immediately, Gemma went to TJ, and Louis was truly grateful they were here.

“So what do you guys know? Like-” Gemma reached for her nephew’s hand and felt herself choke up.

“The doctor found a tumor and is pretty confident it’s lung cancer, and they just did a biopsy to see what stage and kind,” Louis bit his lip, never thinking a day would come when looking at his son would be painful.

Gemma let out a shaky breath as she nodded. “Okay,” her mind was blank before walking across the room to see the X-ray. “At least-”

“Gem?”

The four quickly looked at Harry as he spoke and let out a cough before opening his eyes slowly.

“H,” Gemma rushed for her brother and grabbed his hand.

Seeing her, Harry felt like he was right back where he was before he fell asleep.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Gemma cupped his cheeks as she saw him squeezing his eyes shut. “He’s not dad, alright?” She said softly, getting her brother to look at her. “When dad first got diagnosed, he had three tumors but-” Gemma couldn’t believe they were talking about this and comparing. “But Cody only has one and-”

What if it spread? Harry shook his head. There are so many factors and variables, and- he looked at Cody and felt his heart break all over again. I never thought I would experience the pain I had for dad again, and now it’s for my son.

Gemma blinked back her tears as she wiped her brother’s wet cheeks. “I’m so sorry, H,” she whispered before looking at Louis and TJ too. “I’m so fucking sorry,” she tried to stop her crying but couldn’t as she saw her nephew.

“Hey,” Niall slightly cleared his throat so his voice wouldn’t waver. “Big guy has always been a fighter,” he had the slightest smile as he looked at Cody and thought back to him growing up. “The day he was born… When he was 13 and was in a coma,” Niall said quietly. “Kid is a fuckin’ fighter. He’ll beat this.”

It was hard not to think of how many things Cody has had to tackle, but he always comes out stronger and better.

“He’s always been brilliant,” Louis rubbed Harry’s leg, reminding the both of them.

Harry knew that, and the world knew that. And it hurt him more than words that this brilliant boy needed to fight a war like this. But as Niall began reflecting on Cody growing up, it helped release the heaviness in the room.

From when Cody was a baby and every time he turned a corner, he was scared by his own shadow to when he sat at his first drumset on Zayn’s lap when he was just a few months old. Louis added in how many times he himself skateboarded into a parked car because he was too busy watching Cody skating behind him.

That one got Harry smiling, and it was truly a sight Louis needed to see. Even TJ had the smallest grin as they went back and forth.

Cody didn’t have his hearing aids on, so they stayed up a little while talking. It was nice having Niall and Gemma with them to process this, they knew better than anyone in the family how this pain felt.

“Can I ask you guys something?” TJ asked quietly as the older four went back and forth.

“What’s up, buddy?” Louis asked, noticing he seemed a little nervous.

“When-... When was your dad diagnosed? Like, how old?”

Gemma looked at her little brother, seeing memories play behind his eyes. “Our dad was 31 the first time. Harry was 2, and I was 6,” she said quietly before reaching for Harry’s hand. “The second time was 12 years later.”

TJ’s mind began moving to horrible places until his gaze fell onto his growing belly. “Cody never met Des, but he loves the man so much because of the impact he had on you,” he said just loud enough for them to hear.

“He was wonderful,” Gemma smiled a little.

“And embarrassing,” Louis joked, relieved to see Harry’s tiny grin and nod despite tearing up. “Young Harold and I were only dating a few days before he called out love bites.”

He had no filter, Harry slightly chuckled behind his mask. He was a complete goof and so lovely and incredibly smart and caring and- he glanced at his son and could see so much of his father in Cody. He was the best dad anyone could ask for.

He knew there would be a fair amount of these talks while Cody was going through this. Harry had no doubt that his father would be mentioned quite a bit. It’s hard to remember; it hurts how little time he had with his dad.

Gemma and Niall stayed for another hour before heading home. They saw TJ growing exhausted, shocked that he hadn’t passed out from mental and emotional exhaustion yet, but he was on his way.

The pair made sure to kiss Cody and hug Harry, Louis, and TJ before leaving. As soon as they were gone, Louis pulled out the futon for TJ, not needing him to sleep in a chair.

“C’mon, buddy,” Louis offered the younger lad a hand up. “Lay down.”

TJ kept his eyes on Cody, not wanting to let go of his hand, not wanting a night with them not next to each other.

“I know it’s hard, but you really need to rest somewhat comfortably,” Louis recognized the scared look.

The younger lad silently battled with himself, but his back was aching, and he was having horrible cramps, probably from crying so much. So TJ reluctantly took Louis’ hand, and he helped him out of his chair.

“What about you?” He asked as he climbed onto the futon.

“I’ll be alright in a chair. I’m not expecting a baby,” Louis laughed quietly before passing TJ a blanket.

TJ seemed ready to protest, but Louis' pointed look stopped him before he could say anything.

“Do you want the light off?”

“Just Cody’s. You guys keep Harry’s on so you can sign,” TJ yawned, figuring the two would want to talk.

“Goodnight, love,” Harry took his mask off to say as Louis turned the light off.

“Goodnight, and thank you guys,” TJ said quietly.

“We love you, big guy,” Louis said, carefully rubbing TJ’s back. “Try to get some sleep.”

TJ barely nodded as the older man walked over to his chair next to Harry’s bed. He almost threw himself in the seat. Despite it being the middle of the night, he wasn’t tired.

What’re you thinking about? Harry asked.

Everything, Louis shook his head and let out a tiny sarcastic chuckle. The bad, the ugly, the good and beautiful times, he bit his lip.

Harry nodded, his mind just as scattered. Can you come here?

How are you feeling? Louis asked as his husband patted the tiny spot next to him on the bed.

Like I need a cuddle, Harry’s eyes were pleading.

Louis could see he was breathing a lot easier, so the decision to squeeze himself onto the bed was easy. “C’mere you,” he whispered before tugging Harry onto him, making sure no IVs or wires were tangled.

The green-eyed lad rested his head on Louis’ chest, and Harry hated how familiar this all felt. His tears, terror, and heartache were the same as they were 32 years ago. He didn’t know what to say, and Harry didn’t know how to process this. The pain he had when he was 15 felt like it came back with a vengeance.

What did I do wrong?

Louis looked down at him, confused. What do you mean?

I-... Harry swallowed thickly as he blinked back tears. I feel like I’m being punished, and he is, too.

Louis couldn’t move, his world uncomfortably slowing down as he kept his eyes on his heartbroken husband. The universe isn’t always kind, love… And sometimes it’s cruelest to the kindest for no reason, he hated signing it, the true realization crushing.

Harry wiped his cheeks but it did no good as he sniffled. We have to figure this out. We need to.

Louis nodded, holding Harry a little tighter as he buried his nose in his hair. We always do, love.

The Next Day

They were told Cody has stage 2 lung cancer, and it was like getting punched in the face for what felt like the 100th time. There were sighs of relief though, when they found out it hadn’t spread, and with the one tumor, there were multiple ways they could tackle this.

As soon as they had that information, Cody requested that the hospital contact the world’s best team to start putting together a plan. He wasn’t wasting time, and he didn’t care about the cost.

Overnight, Harry and Louis saw their son’s world turn upside down, but like every other obstacle he tackled in his life, Cody kept his head up despite tears in his eyes.

“Pop?” The 26-year-old asked, seeing his father staring off into space. “Are you okay?”

Harry couldn’t believe he was asking him. “Are you okay?” He asked softly, grateful to be out of his bed so he could hold his boy.

“No,” Cody half-heartedly chuckled as he hugged him back. “And if I’m not okay, you’re not.”

“You’ve always been so incredibly strong,” Harry pulled away to cup his cheeks, and had the smallest smile as he looked at Cody’s bright green eyes.

“I had good role models,” he grinned back at him. “Plus, us Tomlinsons, we figure it out.”

Harry smiled, his cheeks pushing up his eyes and making a tear escape. “Always,” he said quietly.

“Daddy?”

Cody sat up in bed as he heard Amelia’s little voice, and TJ quickly reached for his hand. Just looking at his daughters as they came in with Austin in Allison made a sudden wave of tears want to escape him. Out of nowhere, he was ready to sob.

“H-hey,” Cody tried to say evenly, but he was clearly struggling as Amelia rushed for him.

“Daddy, are you sick? What happened?” She climbed on the bed to hug him.

Cody wrapped his arms around her, his mind racing and heart cracking, having no clue how to talk to her about this. And he knew TJ was just as stuck, his husband watching them and wiping away his never-ending tears.

“I-I uhm, I-” Cody didn’t know what to say, his words getting stuck as he looked at his little girl.

“Hey, love,” Harry rubbed Amelia’s leg to get her attention. “So uhm… Your daddy’s lungs are a bit sick,” he said quietly, seeing his son’s silent gratefulness. “He’s gonna be coughing a bit and will be a little tired for a while.”

Amelia had a small visible frown. “You can’t play?”

“I can play, and-” Cody glanced at his pop and saw his face fall, it being obvious a day could come when he wouldn’t have the energy. “I’m here for you, love,” he kissed his daughter’s head before silently asking Austin and Allison for the twins.

“Hey,” Austin said to Louis as soon as he passed Quinn to Cody and nodded across the room.

Louis followed him, and as soon as they were a little ways away, Austin pulled him in for a strong hug.

“Tommy called us this morning,” he said quietly as he rubbed Louis’ back. “I’m so fucking sorry, Lou.”

The blue-eyed man hugged him back, feeling like a heavy weight was resting over them. Louis’ mind immediately went to Austin losing their son Sean, and it was so sudden. The pain crushed his mate, it hurt their family with no repair.

“Hey, he’ll be alright,” Austin barely pulled away before he slightly sniffled. “You won’t lose your boy.”

Louis bit his lip and nodded, his brain refusing to register that he ever could. “He’ll be okay,” he glanced over at Cody with his daughters in his lap. “He’s got a lot to fight for.”

“Do you want Marcus in town?” Austin offered as he rubbed his arm. “You know he’ll rent a flat for a few months.”

“Maybe,” Louis looked at his feet as he shifted his weight. “There’s just so much going on with Cody and Harry, and- and fuck, Alexis and Cam sometimes and-” he rubbed his hands over his face, his brain suddenly buzzing.

“C’mere,” Austin stopped Louis before he could start pacing. “It takes an army to raise an army,” he offered him a small smile. “You can’t do it alone, mate. At least talk to us about all of it, any of it.”

“I will,” Louis let out a deep breath, knowing there were only so many things he could tackle at a time.

He thanked his mate before walking over to sit with Harry beside Cody’s bed. They watched him and TJ with their girls for the next few hours. The pair couldn’t take their eyes off the family, and every so often, they noticed Cody or TJ having a sudden moment of terror.

It came randomly after one of the twins squealed or Amelia giggled at something her daddy did. And Harry recognized those looks, he knew the thought of Cody not being here was earth-shattering. The thought will come out of the blue, it won’t stop. And Harry hated to see it, he hated to feel it.

Harry and Louis left after a while so they could meet Charlie at home after Alexis got her from piano.

They made sure to hug and kiss Cody, TJ, and the girls, and they thanked Austin and Allison for staying with them and being there.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Louis checked as he opened the car door for Harry.

“The doctor discharged me, I’m fine,” Harry didn’t need him worrying.

Louis said a quiet “okay” before closing the door once Harry was in the car and opened the backseat for Dezzy.

It was quiet on the ride home, both lost in their thoughts about what had happened in the past twenty hours. But Louis’ hand was in Harry’s. His worries and fears were the same, but even after all these years, the simple act of holding him was a silent comfort.

Louis carried Harry’s backpack inside as the younger man grabbed Dezzy’s leash. They saw they had beaten Alexis home. But as soon as they walked in the door, they smelt something good cooking, and that was a nice welcome. They knew Alexis must’ve put something in the crockpot.

As good as it was to be home, have a meal and shower, it was clear the silence between them translated into anxiety of not being by Cody’s side.

“You okay?” Louis asked softly as they walked into their bedroom and Harry immediately went to sit on the bed.

Harry bit his lip, his mind moving in so many places.

“H, c’mon,” Louis knelt in front of him and placed a hand on his leg. “Talk to me.”

He didn’t want to talk, because then he would cry, and it would feel never-ending. He was thinking about his dad and his son, and never did it cross his mind that he would ever compare the two the way he was. He had fear after fear.

“We-... We have a 35% chance of losing our son in the next 5 years,” Harry barely said. “And if something happens to Cody, then we need to think about Cam. He- something could happen to him mentally, and we could lose both of them.”

“What?” Louis’ face fell, freezing where he was. “Harry what the- no. You don’t know that-”

“I do, Louis,” Harry finally looked back at him. “I know too much about cancer. I know it affects families, and this would ruin all of us, but especially Cam-.”

“Don’t,” Louis shook his head as he stood up and let out a deep breath. “Please, just- I can’t think about that shit.”

“We need to,” Harry hated it, but he had to be a realist, and the reality made his heart break.

“No, no,” there was a touch of anger in Louis’ voice as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Cam is doing great. Football is great and he- well, he and Flora are doing good, it’s fine,” Louis shook his head.

Harry watched his husband pace, all of the what ifs were staring the green-eyed lad in the face, but Louis couldn’t see them. “Louis,” he reached for his hand to stop him and made sure their gazes met. “Our son has cancer… You can’t run away from the thought that something could happen to Cody, a-and then Cam might-”

“And you can’t tell me two of my sons are going to die!” Louis suddenly screamed. “You can’t- fuck, H!”

“But it could happen, Louis,” Harry felt his tears falling faster, hating to see Louis break, feeling it as much as he did. “Just like cancer, depression can come back after remission.”

“Stop,” Louis muttered angrily as he shook his head, his mind suddenly racing with everything he’d been fighting. “Those are our boys. They’re not gonna- Cam wouldn’t-” he swallowed thickly. “No, it won’t happen. They’ll both be fine.”

“Louis, these things do happen,” Harry couldn’t see through his tears as he sniffled. “Think about my dad-”

“You can’t put those thoughts in my head right now!” Louis stopped him, the amount of anxiety he had made him furious.

“But this is our life, Louis!” Harry snapped back, his cries getting heavier. “They’re not little anymore! This shit is real! If this gets bad, we could lose two of our-”

“Harry, shut up! Just shut the fuck up!!” Louis screamed at the top of his lungs, barely able to process anything before he broke out into a sob.

Harry knew they were processing this completely differently, but the fear they both had was evident. They were overwhelmed with no sense of direction, and the only thing they seemed to be able to do was cry, thinking about their current lives.

The green-eyed man was petrified of many things, but his biggest worry was losing Cody. And if that happens and Cameron falls into a worse depression than before, he could hurt himself. They could lose their boys.

“W-we’ll figure it out, r-right?” Louis hiccuped through his tears.

Harry sniffled as he got up from the bed and walked up to wrap his arms around his husband. Too quickly, the pair were crying in each other’s arms, the closest thing to comfort either of them had right now.

Harry let out a deep breath, needing to believe it. “Yeah, love… We always do.”

Chapter Text

3 Days Later- Late November

"Are you okay?" TJ offered Cody a hand up their front step, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice as he saw his husband struggling.

"M'fine," Cody slightly cleared his throat but took the help up.

Only a few days on his new medicine, and he was fatigued beyond belief. He felt weak and slow and just wanted to be back in bed. But they have a 6-year-old and two 1-year-olds inside. What killed Cody, though, was that TJ was 4 months along, and after their last few days, he knew the blue-eyed lad was wiped out emotionally, physically, and mentally. The stress wasn't good for him; none of this was.

"Daddies!!" Amelia came running into the foyer as she heard the door open.

"Mel," Louis came jogging after her, not wanting an immediate bombardment.

"Hey, sweetheart," TJ smiled as best he could and got down to her height for a hug. "Happy we're home?"

"Very!" Amelia grinned excitedly at him. "Grandpa Lou make a pillow fort in the basement, it's huge! He said he make them with daddy when he was little!" she tugged on Cody's hand.

The green-eyed lad smiled down at her, his daughter clearly desperate to be picked up and squeezed as she pulled on him. And Cody didn't have to think before bending down and standing back up with her in his arms.

He couldn't ignore TJ's worry, but Cody had his little girl hugging the life out of him, and he swore it felt like a type of cure.

"Grandpa Lou and I made a ton of forts when I was growing up," he kissed her cheek and grinned at his dad. "You had to answer a riddle to get in."

"Don't worry, not mine," Amelia was beaming at him. "C'mon! I'll show you all the tunnels."

Cody almost dropped her as she wiggled out of his arms, and quickly he felt his heart plummet into his stomach. "Love, I uh, well, papa and I just need to sit for a little bit, okay?" he said, hating the tiny flash of disappointment he saw in her face.

"Honey, your daddies just got home. Let them relax a bit," Louis rubbed his granddaughter's back.

"C'mon, you," TJ reached for her hand and led her out of the room.

"Hey mate, welcome home," Louis said, hugging Cody and kissing his head. "Pop is in the living room with the twins."

Cody nodded as he let out a deep breath, but he couldn't take a step before Milo came sprinting at him. "Oh, buddy," he quickly smiled and got down to his height.

Cody squeezed Milo as his dog licked him all over his face, and just like hugging Amelia, it quickly made his heart swell. The simplest things were like gold to him right now.

"Alright, alright," he laughed as he stood up and got Milo to calm down somewhat. "Go to the twins."

"I'll grab your bags from the car," Louis said, noticing they didn't bring anything in.

"I will later," Cody waved off.

Louis didn't need to think before putting on his shoes. "I got'em. You go sit."

The curly-haired lad was silently grateful. The thought of being off the couch or not in bed for the next few hours seemed painful.

"Hey, big guy," Harry pushed himself off the floor with the twins as he saw Cody come in. "Happy to be home?" He gave him a tight hug.

"Yeah, I missed my girls," Cody smiled a little as he heard the twins squealing seeing him.

"And they missed you," Harry kissed his cheek before letting go. "Go on, sit, and I'll bring'em to you."

Too relieved, he trudged to the couch and sat with TJ, needing nothing more than a proper cuddle from his family. He was tired, but his twins were almost screaming because they were so excited to sit with him, and Cody woke right up.

"Hello, my loves," he laughed fondly as they both tried to hug him around his neck, and he kissed them repeatedly.

Harry watched with a small smile, his heart melting as he saw his boy smothered in love. The twins had no idea what was going on with their dad, and it was clear Cody wanted to be his usual self as he tickled the two of them and hugged them with all his might.

"So uhm, Al called," Harry bit his lip as he sat on the other side of Cody. "I uh... I guess she, Hayden, and Josh are on their way here."

Cody barely nodded as he adjusted his daughters on his lap. "I texted them," he said quietly. "Josh just got back from a conference last night, and Al has been blowing me up. I figured I should just tell them at the same time."

Harry looked at him softly, noticing how nervous he was. At this point, he knew Cody didn't want any more tears.

"I uhm, I want you and dad to sit with us," Cody bit his lip. "I dunno if you have to get Charlie, but there's some stuff to catch you guys up on."

"Rosie is getting Charlie after school, so we can stay for a little while," Harry tried to push down his nerves.

They visited Cody every day, and every day, his son tried to come up with a plan for the companies, for his treatment, and for the family. Harry was watching Cody grow stressed beyond belief, and they tried to help, but there was only so much they could do. Cody looked exhausted, but he also seemed like a man with a plan now.

"Here, boys. Tea," Louis walked up to TJ and Cody with two mugs.

"Thank you," TJ breathed out gratefully as he took Harley from Cody so he could have a free hand before reaching for a cup.

Cody glanced at his husband next to him, seeing how tired he was, the bags under his eyes prominent. "I'll be right back," he said before passing Quinn to his pop and shakily getting up from the couch.

"You okay?" Harry tried to keep the worry from his voice.

"Yeah, just wanna do something quick before they all get here," Cody offered him a small smile before heading out of the room.

Harry's eyes followed him before they set on TJ. "How are you feeling?"

The blue-eyed lad shrugged as he sipped at his tea. "Tired, stressed," he muttered. "But today, we got news that actually put smiles on our faces, so that was nice."

"What news?" Louis furrowed his eyebrows.

TJ shook his head with a tiny grin. "Cody wants to tell you guys all together later tonight," he said, knowing his husband was eager to share what they learned.

"And it's happy? Like, good?" Louis was smiling a little just because TJ was.

"Very happy," TJ chuckled as he nodded. "We got a much-needed dose of dopamine," he joked.

"That's wonderful," Harry grinned at him, it taking all of his power not to ask a thousand questions to get any more information.

"It's been-" TJ tried to find his words as he let out a deep breath. "The past few days have been such a rollercoaster, and it feels like I haven't been strapped in the entire time."

Harry's face softened as he reached over to rub his back. "I know it's hard, buddy, but you need to be mindful about your health and the baby's, too."

"I know," TJ said quietly, his mum drilling that into his head as well. "With everything going on right now, it's just hard."

Louis glanced at Harry, knowing his husband was thinking the same thing he was. "H and I talked about something earlier and uhm, we wanna sit down with you and Cody to offer up an idea."

TJ raised an eyebrow at him, but before he could ask, Cody came walking back in with a smile on his face and gaze set on him. "What?" He asked, his husband looking like he was up to something.

"Come with me," Cody offered him a hand. "Dad, can you take Harley?"

TJ grew confused but passed the 1-year-old to Louis before taking Cody's hand.

"I'll be right back, he won't," Cody said to his fathers before leading the younger lad out of the room.

"And what will I be doing?" TJ chuckled as he followed him.

"Something that's desperately needed," Cody grinned at him before pecking his cheek and taking him up to their room.

In TJ's mind, that was laundry, and it was the last thing he wanted to do or had the energy for. But when Cody took him to their loo his jaw went slightly slack seeing the tub filled with bubbles and candles lit.

"Babe, you didn't have to-"

"Stop," Cody shook his head and pulled TJ into his chest. "I'm still a dad, still a husband... Let me be those things. Let me take care of you, too," he said quietly.

TJ looked into his eyes, seeing the silent pleading for him to take some time to breathe. "What about you?"

"I'll be fine," Cody tried to assure him. "My dads are here to help, and Al, Josh, and Hayden will be here soon."

"Okay," TJ said quietly, smiling a little as he glanced at the tub.

"Hey," Cody cupped TJ's cheek, his grin growing as their eyes met. "Kiss me."

The younger lad felt his breath fall short, it being too many days since he had a real kiss from his husband. And it took no thought before he wrapped his arms around Cody's neck and stood on his toes to connect their lips.

For what felt like the first time in forever, Cody's arms were tight around him, time slowing, and for all the right reasons. He wanted to live in the moment, he wanted the peace and the comfort that radiates off Cody to constantly be with him. And it may have been obvious the green-eyed lad was missing their alone time just as much as he kept their lips moving.

"Love," TJ chuckled as he barely pulled away and combed his fingers through the back of his hair. "Don't get me hard."

Cody let out a snort before pecking his nose. "I'll blow you later," he winked at him, making TJ look at him shocked. "Babe, I may be sick, but I'm still a man who needs his husband's dick."

TJ slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter, a little part of him hating he wanted to tear up at the same time. "I love you."

Cody smiled softly at him as he kept his arms around him and kissed his hair. "I love you too," he whispered. "Take a bath, relax."

The blue-eyed lad nodded, knowing there was no way he could truly relax, but he could try.

"Is it okay if I tell everyone the news?" Cody asked as TJ tugged his shirt off.

"I'm surprised you haven't screamed it yet," he teased him. "Of course you can."

Cody's dimples popped out, but at the same time, he let out a few coughs, and his husband's eyes were immediately on him. "M'fine," he waved off and coughed one more time. "Take your time up here, alright?" He said, earning a nod from TJ before he kissed the blue-eyed lad's cheek and left him to his quiet time.

Cody slowly made his way back downstairs, trying to get his breathing in order before he went into the living room. As soon as he entered the room though he stilled, both his dads, Josh, Hayden, and Alexis, quickly looked at him.

"Uh, hey," Cody slightly cleared his throat, hating the immediate heaviness he felt. "Where's Melly?" He asked, only seeing the twins in their swings.

"She's in her room with Ben," Louis bit his lip, seeing his boy immediately grow nervous.

"Mate, what the hell is going on?" Josh got up from the couch to hug him. "You didn't text me or call me. I had to hear from Al you got admitted. I would've come home early-"

"Josh, just- just sit, yeah?" Cody said shakily, giving him a strong squeeze before letting go.

Josh looked at him worriedly but nodded before he sat back down, and Cody sat on the other couch with Harry and Louis.

Cody tried to get comfortable, but it felt impossible with his sister's anxious stare and Josh's classic nervous fidgeting. His pop rubbing his back definitely helped calm his raging nerves some.

"So, uh, you guys know I was in the hospital," Cody slightly cleared his throat and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. "I uhm, I've been coughing and having chest pain, but the other night, I coughed up blood," his eyes met the floor, and feeling their heavy stares got his heart pounding. "They did quite a few tests and uhm-... W-well, they found out I have stage 2 lung cancer."

Alexis blinked a few times, her hand squeezing Hayden's tightly. "What?" The world barely came out, the two beside her frozen. "Cody, no, no," she shook her head before rushing off the couch to hug her brother.

Cody felt like he went without crying for almost a day, but he just couldn't make it a full one with Alexis holding him and feeling tears on his shoulder. Within seconds, it was like he was 4-year-old again and sobbing with his big sister after he found out he was deaf. And just like 22 years ago, Alexis held him tight and kissed his head.

"Y-you'll be okay, right?" Alexis hiccuped as she pulled away. "Like- you're home so it's gonna be okay. You'll- you'll be fine."

Cody bit his lip, hating that she was saying it to convince herself. He didn't know what to say, there was no guaranteeing anything. And when he glanced at Josh, the green-eyed lad felt his heart crack, his best mate silent and staring at him with tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Josh," Cody could barely muster, but the other lad shook his head before crying into his hands.

Josh always has something to say. He's never quiet. But there was nothing he could say about this, nothing that could make this right.

"Mate, c'mere," Cody said softly as he got up and sat with him, and as soon as he did, Josh was hugging him and sobbing into his shoulder.

And it killed the green-eyed lad to see Alexis crying between their dads and Hayden wiping his silent heavy tears.

Cody didn't know how he was going to tell the rest of the family. He couldn't stand to see all the heartbroken and scared faces. Every time the news broke, it was as if he was slapping himself back into reality, and every single time, it crushed him.

"Listen, uhm, I have a team flying in from Germany, and they already put together a treatment plan," Cody rubbed Josh's back, wanting to calm them down at least a little bit. "I'm on a few medicines to hopefully help shrink the tumor before I go in for surgery after the New Year. And after that, chemo and immunotherapy for a few months."

As much as he hoped the information would help, Josh's cries were becoming hiccupped, and his pop hugged his sister to help her relax. But Cody could see his parents struggling to keep themselves together too.

"How long is recovery from surgery?" Louis asked quietly.

"A month," Cody didn't even want to think about it, knowing TJ will be 6 months along at that point and he'll be pretty much out of commission.

Louis let out a deep breath as he nodded, figuring Cody wouldn't get better until after the baby was born. He could see the stress in his son's eyes, but this was something he and Harry could help alleviate.

"I've had a few meetings with the companies, and I won't be going into the office until all of this is done. M'just gonna work from home and hope my board members can keep everything afloat," after Cody said it, he needed to hug Josh again, his mate's tears refusing to stop.

"Man, fuck work," Josh mumbled into his shoulder. "Focus on you and the family. You have enough money for generations of every Tomlinson that multiplies, plus my kids."

Cody let out a surprised chuckle, needing to give him a tight squeeze, grateful his mate was still in there. "Do you wanna smile?"

"Please," Josh wiped his wet eyes.

Cody looked around the room, and every single person looking at him was confused. "Despite all the fucked up shit going on, TJ and I have something to celebrate," he knew they were lost entirely seeing his excited grin.

The 26-year-old was holding onto this. He hit them with the heavy stuff, but finally, something amazing. Cody wanted the rest of the night to not be about him but about his family.

"TJ and I are having a boy!" He beamed at them. "We saw the doctor at the hospital, and we're having a boy!"

"Cody, wha-" Harry's jaw dropped just as Alexis let out a deafening yell. "A boy?! A boy!" He leaped off the couch and went to the other to hug him.

"Dammit!" Louis laughed jokingly. "Oh, good on ya, mate. Ya broke the streak," he kissed Cody's head as Harry refused to let him go.

"Dude, do you know what this means?" Josh shook Cody's arm and looked at him wide-eyed. "Our boys are gonna be best mates, just like their dads!"

Cody smiled back at him, within seconds Josh was elated, and this was everything he'd been needing. "The dream is coming true, mate," he looked at him softly. "Remember that, yeah?"

Josh swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yeah," he wiped his eyes but smiled a little.

"Cody," Alexis squeezed his shoulder before scootching her pop out of the way for a hug. "This is amazing, mate. You finally get to use the name you picked out 6 years ago," she chuckled.

"Wait, you know the name?" Louis immediately grew eager, thinking TJ only hinted at it to him.

"Al and I went through baby names when Melly and Ben were on the way," Cody smiled at his sister, them sharing back and forth for hours, but he knew what his first pick for a boy's name would always be.

"Well, what is it?"

Cody looked down at Alexis, knowing they were thinking the same thing. The name is beautiful to Cody; it's powerful, and that's how he'll see his little boy. But he couldn't share it now, the time wasn't right.

"You'll find out when my big guy is born, grandpa," Cody shook his head and grinned at his dad.

"We're excited for you, mate," Hayden had to squeeze through the people crowding Cody to finally hug him. "Benny is gonna be so happy you're having a boy," he laughed quietly.

Cody loved to hear it, this celebration felt too precious. He desperately needed no tears, no sad faces, and was truly grateful for the smiles and hopeful talk.

He could see the underlying fears there, especially when he went to pick up a squirming Harley from her swing and moved slowly. Or his occasional cough would escape, and it was as if the room froze. But the next hour centered around the little boy joining their family.

Rosie dropped Charlie off at the house, and Cody asked everyone not to say anything about him being sick. They didn't know he was in the hospital, and for just a little while longer, he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to have a good night.

Rosie said a quick hello to everyone and apologized for having to rush home to Declan. The Irish lad called her in a panic while she was in the car because their cat pulled the curtain so hard that the rod fell onto the telly and shattered it.

Charlie was in a giggling fit, and Cody was more than entertained as he hugged her before she left.

"Charlie, guess what?" Cody tugged his sister to sit with him.

"What?" Charlie smiled, seeing him excited.

"TJ and I are having a boy."

"What?!" Charlie shrieked before her head snapped everywhere to find TJ. "TJ!!" She yelled.

"My goodness, what?" The blue-eye lad chuckled, finally re-emerging from the loo.

"You're having a boy!" Charlie screamed before hugging her brother and then running for the blue-eyed man.

TJ stumbled back as she lunged at him, and immediately smiled being wrapped in such a tight hug. "You're telling everyone you can, huh?" He teased Cody.

Cody shrugged bashfully, wanting to spread the happiness more than anything right now. "Would've told Rosie too if she didn't race out of here."

"Dec is definitely panic crying," Josh laughed a little.

"He totally was on the phone," Charlie heard him through the car speaker.

"Damn Charlie, no need to call a mate out," Cody chuckled entertained.

Charlie bit back a giggle as she shrugged. "Do you wanna go to your music room?"

"Oh, uh," Cody's brain went blank for a moment, feeling how heavy and tired his body was. "I've had a long day. M'just gonna hang on the couch for a bit."

"Okay," Charlie smiled at him. "Maybe next time. Your music room sounds so different from ours. I love it."

Cody tried to grin back at her, but he knew he probably wouldn't be playing drums for a while.

Alexis and Harry started making dinner with Amelia and Ben, and Cody was too happy to break out the video games in the living room. He got to cuddle with Harley in his lap, and TJ's arm was around him as Quinn snuggled into her papa.

As exhausted as Cody was, he desperately needed to feel the slightest bit of normalcy.

They all stayed until the twins were put to bed, and Cody loved the help, but he was also exhausted and ready for bed himself. And it must've been obvious he was looking like he was a second away from passing out as he slumped back into the living room after kissing the twins goodnight.

"C'mon, Montgomerys. We should head out," Alexis patted Hayden's leg before getting up from the couch. "I'll call you tomorrow," she walked over to Cody to give him a tight hug. "I love you, brilliant boy."

Cody chuckled as he felt her smiling into his shoulder, giving her a tight squeeze before letting go. "Love you, too."

He hugged Hayden, Ben, and Josh. His best mate nearly made him choke with how much he was crushing him before they headed out the door.

After they had all left, Louis asked, "can we talk to you and TJ? Just for a minute?"

"Uh, yeah," Cody said quietly, seeing this would be a serious talk. "Milo, got get TJ," he said to his dog, knowing his husband was upstairs with Amelia and Charlie.

The green-eyed lad watched as Milo walked off, hating to feel the sudden heaviness that took over the room. He saw his dad was nervous, and his pop was holding everything in him not just to blurt out whatever it was they wanted to talk about.

"Is everything okay? Like- pop are you-"

"We're fine," Harry didn't want his son worrying about him. "We just want to talk to you guys about how we can help."

Cody bit his lip as he nodded. One thing he and TJ were really struggling with was how they were going to take care of the kids, especially when the baby was born. He'll grow weaker, he'll be tired, and there will be hospital visits and recovering from surgery. He'll be doing rounds of chemo, and TJ will be due. The thought of not fully being there for his family sent his brain into a frenzy.

"Hey, what's up?" TJ followed Milo into the living room and looked between the three of them.

"We uh, we just want to run a thought we had by you guys," Louis tried to offer them a small smile as the younger lad got comfortable next to Cody.

Harry reached for Louis' hand, knowing how scared he was of their son saying "no," and he was just as nervous. They didn't want to seem overbearing or throw another curveball at Cody, but they had to offer it up.

"So, your dad and I were chatting about the girls and how it could be hard to keep up as the months go on. And we've been talking to Austin and Allison, of course, they want to help, but we came up with an idea," Harry said softly, seeing Cody and TJ barely nod, their faces filled with stress. "And uhm, well, we want to talk about you guys maybe coming to live with us until you get better," his heart was aching for them to agree. "We're your dads, and I just-... There's never a time when taking care of your kids stops. We want to take care of you two and help with the girls."

Cody glanced at TJ, the offer was a huge one. He never imagined moving back home, he never thought he would need to. But he's sick, his husband is pregnant, and his kids require a lot of attention.

"What do you think?" TJ asked, seeing the gears turning in Cody's head.

"I dunno," he muttered before rubbing his hands over his face. "My mind is all over the place."

"You don't need to make a decision now," Louis didn't want him to feel pressured. "In our heads, it's just the best way we can help."

Cody let out a deep breath as he shook his head. "That's the thing," he barely said. "I feel like I can't be the husband and dad I need to be."

"None of that," TJ made the older lad look at him. "Please, love. We talked about this," he squeezed his hand.

Cody bit his lip, that thought has been ruling his head since he got his diagnosis. He'll get to the point where he'll be too tired to get out of bed, and TJ is pregnant. Every week is just going to get more challenging, and he can't help.

"Mate, life is sending you through one hell of an obstacle course right now," Louis said softly. "We just wanna be on your team to help you cross the finish line."

Cody was quiet for a second as he looked at TJ, easily seeing his husband's relief at the offer. There was no denying they would need the help, and if TJ could be somewhat relaxed, then Cody could calm down himself.

"When uh, when would we move in?" He asked, within a second seeing his dads perk up.

"Up to you," Harry said, if Cody wanted to tomorrow, they could. "We can get the girls' rooms and yours ready in no time."

Cody smiled a little, knowing his pop could have three bedrooms completely redecorated in a few days. "We'll uhm, we'll talk about that tonight," he patted TJ's thigh. "I'll call you tomorrow and let you know."

"You got it, buddy," Louis grinned at him, relief seeping out of him and Harry. "We'll head home. We know you two have had a long couple of days."

"Today was the best day, though. A baby boy," Harry tried not to squeal as he hugged his son goodbye.

"The best by far," Cody laughed and squeezed him back before wrapping his arms around his dad. "Thanks guys."

"We love you boys," Louis said, making sure to give TJ a tight hug after Harry.

"Call us tomorrow. Let me know if you need lunch or dinner or anything," Harry offered.

"Will do. Love you guys," Cody smiled at them.

Louis and Harry said one more goodbye and walked to the foyer, but before either of them went to get Charlie, they turned to each other at the same time.

"Our boy is coming home," Harry whispered, so comforted by the thought, and he could see his husband was right there with him.

"He's coming home, he's having a boy, and he'll be okay," Louis said through a heavy breath before wrapping his arms around Harry.

The younger man barely nodded, his mind flashing images of Cody's eyes shining when he said they were having a boy. He hasn't seen his son that excited about anything in too long.

"He has a lot to fight for, and like always, he'll amaze us," Harry whispered as he held onto Louis a little tighter.

"The kid is always full of surprises," Louis smiled a little into his neck. "And he'll continue to in wonderful ways."

2 Days Later- Rory POV

Rory nibbled on his bottom lip as his eyes scanned the computer screen. He held off for weeks not looking at articles, but tomorrow he was seeing Emerson and he was an emotional mess.

Rory wished he never looked Emerson up, there was story after story about his relationship dissolving in front of the world. He had hope for a little while, but seeing what was printed about Constance and Emerson being so close broke him.

His eyes flashed down to his phone as it started ringing, and he saw Cody Facetiming him. As he saw the time, he cursed to himself, knowing his brother was going to be dramatic as soon as he picked up.

"Hey," Rory waved.

"Well, hello, my beloved brother whom I haven't talked to in almost a week and who also promised to game with me a half hour ago," Cody batted his eyelashes and smiled sweetly.

"Fuck off," Rory chuckled, hating but loving his ridiculousness. "Sorry, I was just-" he looked back at his computer and let out a deep breath. "It's stupid. I shouldn't have done it."

"Done what, Ror?" Cody furrowed his eyebrows.

Rory exited out of the page before shaking his head. "I was reading articles about Emerson and the show and just-... Yeah."

Cody was quiet for a second, seeing his little brother at an emotional breaking point. "What time do you and Cam leave for the final?"

"4 pm. We're having a car take us to London," Rory muttered, never thinking he would be nervous to see his partner.

Emerson is in the finals, and instead of being excited, Rory is scared. Tomorrow could be the day he loses everything.

"Mate, it's okay," Cody said softly as he noticed Rory blinking quickly to rid tears. "I know you're hurt and scared, but I think after you talk to them, it'll be alright."

"This isn't how any of this was supposed to go," Rory sniffled, barely able to look at his brother. "I had a plan, I-" he swallowed thickly and glanced at his desk drawer. "I bought a ring, a-and I knew, I just knew Emerson would make it to the finals, and I could propose and make it amazing and perfect. But it's just-... Everything got fucked up," Rory tried to stop his crying but found himself wiping his wet cheeks over and over again.

Cody bit his lip, wishing he could jump through the screen to give him a hug. It seems the universe isn't being so kind to any of the Tomlinsons. He doesn't know when he'll tell the rest of his family about his cancer, for a little while longer, he wanted some people close to him not to treat him like he was sick. He wanted to be a big brother and not have them worrying about him. He wanted to be someone they still come to for help instead of asking if he needed any.

"Rory, don't think this is the end of you guys," Cody said, needing him to have a little hope. "I'm sorry, it fucking sucks feeling like your timetable got messed with," he looked at him gently. "But don't write that future off."

"I'm just scared, man," Rory said through a shaky breath.

"I get it, buddy. I do," Cody said honestly. "Remember, me and TJ broke up for a bit, and now look at us. Married with a fourth kid on the way," he said through a tiny smile. "Things can get messy, but that doesn't mean you can't work to clean it up."

Rory looked back at his brother, knowing when they were apart was one of the worst times of Cody's life. But him and TJ came out stronger and even more in love. Maybe it could happen for Rory too.

"I just don't know how much this set me and Emerson back," he said quietly, the unknowing killing him. "Like if they were just close or if Emerson had feelings too, or maybe they cheated a-and-"

"Mate, don't drive yourself insane," Cody shook his head, knowing how exhausting drowning in the "what ifs" can get. "I know it sucks, but you'll find out tomorrow when you see them."

Rory groaned, panicking about what he might learn but also desperate to know what was really going on. "Can we just game?" He asked, already pulling it up on his computer.

"Yeah," Cody said softly before grabbing his laptop and standing his phone up on his overbed table.

"You're not in your gaming room," Rory furrowed his eyebrows, just now noticing. "Are you in bed? It's like barely 9pm, dude."

"Uh, yeah, ya know," Cody slightly cleared his throat as he shrugged. "Just wanted to get comfy. I've had a long couple of days."

"How's work? Have you started another company yet?" Rory teased as he logged into the game.

"No, I'm taking a small break from expanding the empire," Cody chuckled and picked a mission for him and Rory. "M'just trying to focus on TJ and the girls for a bit."

"So, your other empire?" Rory laughed, loving to see his brother's small, proud smile. "You guys had your appointment on Wednesday, right? Did you find out the gender?"

Cody quickly lit up. "We did," he said happily. "We're having a boy."

Rory's jaw dropped. "Mate!!" he screamed, stopping his scrolling through weapons. "Cody, that's fucking awesome! Finally!"

"Right?" Cody playfully rolled his eyes. "Where's Cam? Is he there so I can tell him?"

"He's at Flora's. I think she made dinner or something," Rory said as he and Cody started their game together. "But if you're up in a few hours, he'll be home, and I'll tell him to call you. He'll be so excited."

Cody didn't know what to say, normally he and the boys can go pretty late, but he didn't have it in him. "I'll call him tomorrow," he settled on. "Have you met Flora yet?"

"No," Rory huffed as he kept his eyes on his monitor. "I think Cam is just scared. The more steps they take forward, the more real it becomes."

"But he is taking steps," Cody pointed out before a small cough escpaed, his gaze focused on the game. "He seems happy, right? I mean, the guy finds any reason to talk about her."

"Dude," Rory laughed into his hand as a memory came back to him. "A few days ago, Cam and I scrolled by some shipwreck show, and he randomly said that Flora went scuba diving once. Like, cool man, yeah, water," he rolled his eyes fondly.

"That's so fuckin' cute," Cody honestly loved seeing the change in Cameron.

"He's adorable, seriously," Rory smiled. "I know he's gonna keep me up late tonight like he does every time he sees her."

Cody glanced at Rory. "And is that okay? Like, with what's going on with Emerson are you alright listening to that stuff?"

"I'm happy for him," Rory said easily, the grin never leaving his face. "He found someone he can let learn all thirteen sides of him, and she's falling for all of them," he slightly joked, making Cody chuckle. "Cam deserves this."

Cody could see his brother smiling, but he also noticed the pain behind his eyes. "Hey," he said quietly, making Rory take his attention off the game for a second. "It's okay to tell Cam you don't want to talk about his date tonight."

Rory shook his head, his eyes going back to the monitor. "He was in a really bad place for months, and he's finally happy. He's using his voice, and I want him to know he's heard."

"Mate, you can be supportive but also set boundaries," Cody has seen Rory bend over backward for Cameron too many times. "I know you're happy for him, but I can imagine it hurts when he talks about Flora."

Rory bit his lip and half-heartedly shrugged. "It's hard not to think about Emerson," he said quietly. "He'll be talking, and half the time, I just zone out and think about them."

"I know you're stressed about tomorrow, so tonight, just tell Cam you don't want a late-night fangirl session," Cody laughed a little.

Rory couldn't fight his own chuckle as he nodded. He hated asking Cameron not to talk about the girl he was quickly falling for, but he needed his brain to be shut off tonight.

Gaming with Cody definitely helped. He hasn't had one-on-one time with his older brother in too long. They're always surrounded by the rest of their family or gaming with the other guys. This was exactly what Rory needed.

He noticed an hour into gaming, Cody was nodding off but refused to go to sleep. Every time his eyes closed and head dipped before snapping back up, Rory smiled a little. The blue-eyed lad could tell his brother wanted to keep hanging out with him, but the fourth time Cody nearly fell asleep, Rory had to call it a night.

"Mate, go to bed," he laughed quietly before exiting the game, not letting Cody refuse. "I'll call you tomorrow and let you know what happens with Emerson."

Cody barely had enough energy to nod at this point as he coughed and put his laptop away. "Sorry buddy, m'just exhausted."

"No worries," Rory offered him a small smile. "Thanks for all the help tonight."

His heart swelled seeing how Rory was looking at him like he always does, like he has the best big brother in the world. "Always and anytime," Cody grinned back at him softly. "I love you, mate. Talk to you tomorrow."

"G'night. Love you," Rory waved at the camera before hanging up.

He let out a deep breath as he slumped into his computer chair, hating the flat's immediate silence. Over the past month, he's learned harshly that love can get tough, but loneliness is twice as hard. Rory hates the quiet, he hates having no one to say good morning or goodnight to and no one to fall asleep with. The thought of this becoming regular tortured him, but he tried to occupy his mind with other things.

Rory put music on and started going through his closet to get clothes ready for tomorrow and pack a bag for the night. He began going through his suits and went through a few options before his eyes landed on a suit he'd never seen with a note attached to the hanger.

The 18-year-old furrowed his eyebrows as he pulled it down. The red suit with a gold tie looked designer-made. But then Rory saw the note attached, and his heart stopped when he read Emerson's handwriting.

A suit fit for my king!

I hope you find this while packing for the finals, and if it is, yay, we did it!!

I made this for you to wear. I know you get stressed about picking out nice clothes, so here you go <3

It will be amazing to see you after a month. There's no way not to miss you, and I love you so much.

Forever yours,

Emerson

Rory was frozen as his eyes scanned along the note, quickly, his vision became clouded as his hand slightly shook while holding the suit.

It was beautiful, and Rory smiled a little, knowing how much his partner loved him in these colors. Emerson always tells him gold makes his eyes shine even brighter than they usually do, and every time he wears red, he wears it like a king. Emerson will call him bold and in charge, and in such few words, not only is Rory's clothing red, but his face is too. He misses those moments. He misses his partner fawning over him and Rory doing the same to them.

Rory laid the suit on the bed and took off the jacket before putting it over his t-shirt. And just at the perfect feeling of it he wanted to cry. Emerson knows him too well, down to his measurements. There was no doubt in Rory's mind the pants would be perfectly tailored too, and the thought made tears run down his cheeks.

He needed to remind himself that Emerson loved him; he ached to hear them say it. Rory was longing to hear his partner say anything, but knowing he'd hear everything tomorrow was terrifying.

"Ror?"

The blue-eyed lad snapped towards his door as he heard Cameron's voice and quickly wiped his cheeks.

"Mate, what's going on?" Cameron looked at him worriedly before tugging him into his chest for a hug. "Did you pick this up special? I haven't seen this suit."

"Uhm, no," Rory slightly cleared his throat, taking in a deep breath as his twin rubbed his back. "I found it. I guess Emerson made it for me to wear to the finals."

Cameron raised his eyebrows and let go to really look at the jacket. He had only ever seen Emerson make dresses, and this suit was immaculate. "A little overwhelmed?" He looked at him softly.

"Very," Rory tried to laugh off as he shook his head. "I-... I love them so much it scares me," he said quietly. "And it's this, this is the scary part... That the love is going to be gone someday."

"It's terrifying," Cameron agreed, hating to see him so fearful. "But keep an open mind, Ror," he looked at him gently. "I know what you saw hurt, but it's telly. What if that's the most of it, and nothing really happened?"

Rory didn't know what to think. "What would you think in my position? Like, am I overthinking things?"

Cameron let out a snort. "Mate, you're asking a bipolar guy about overthinking," he reminded him. "I overthink brushing my teeth. I'm not the best at answering that question."

Rory looked at him surprised, laughing a little. "You said it, and like- joked," he couldn't believe Cameron was talking about his diagnosis so nonchalantly. Normally he doesn't want the word muttered.

"Yeah, uh, I dunno," Cameron shrugged with a small smile. "I guess it's just getting easier to talk about."

"I love that," Rory grinned back at him before taking off the suit jacket and putting it back on the hanger.

"But listen," Cameron said, taking his brother's attention off of the suit. "You gotta know, mate, Emerson looks at you the way pop looks at dad. Like a superstar in every way," he smiled honestly. "I've always been jealous of how they look at you. I never got it... But Emerson really loves you, man. You know that."

Rory could see how sincere he was being, and truly it was a reminder he needed. "Can you hang in here with me while I pack?"

"Sure," Cameron rubbed his shoulder before throwing himself on the bed. "Wanna have a sleepover tonight? Will that make you feel better?" He slightly teased.

Rory rolled his eyes playfully as he gabbed an overnight bag. Their version of a sleepover since they were toddlers meant sleeping in the same bed.

"We haven't done that since we were 13," he laughed and turned off his phone's music so Cameron could hear the telly.

"You're never too old for a sleepover with your twin. Plus, now we can drink," Cameron scrolled through shows.

Rory was smiling a little too much at the thought. There was a nostalgic comfort when they had sleepovers. They felt like kids again. And truthfully, Rory missed it. He missed how simple everything once was.

"Alright, Tommo twins sleepover," Rory nodded, finding more joy than he thought he would as he said it. "But no kicking. I swear you fucking spasm every half hour."

"Blame anxiety. Even while I sleep, it doesn't stop," Cameron rolled his eyes, knowing of his awful habit.

Rory looked at him softly, unable to think of how exhausted his brother must be with his brain constantly moving. He got a taste of what it was like, and Rory couldn't imagine it all the time.

He half-packed his bag before calling it quits for the night. Rory knew he had plenty of time tomorrow, plus the beer Cameron grabbed him and the crisps he had were too tempting.

The blue-eyed lad changed into pajamas and climbed on top of the covers with his twin. As they sat on the bed with snacks between them, it almost felt like they were kids again. But as Rory glanced at Cameron, his jaw dropped, quickly being reminded they were grown up.

"Dude!" Rory looked at him wide-eyed with a blinding smile before tugging the collar of his shirt down. "You have a fucking lovebite!"

Cameron slapped his hand away, his face going red hot.

"Ooh, look who's suddenly bashful," Rory teased him, actually eager to hear about his night now. "Dinner must've gone over real well."

"Uh, y-yeah, uhm. Good time," Cameron nodded, making his twin look at him like, "that's it?"

"Did you guys hook up? Clearly, she put some moves on you," Rory poked his neck.

Cameron laughed quietly as he shook his head, his smile just barely crinkling his eyes. "No, we didn't hook up. Just uh, like snogged a bit and had a good cuddle," he shrugged. "Mata was at the flat, so I tried to behave."

"She didn't," Rory scoffed, making Cameron blush even more.

"He kept walking into the kitchen while we were cooking, and caught us kissing at one point and made a dramatic fuss like brothers do," Cameron chuckled, knowing the older man was protective. "But Flora basically attacked me and gave me a love bite in front of him to scare him away permanently."

"Oh, she is brilliant," Rory lit up, the more he hears about Flora, the more he learns her sense of humor.

"He was horrified, and she was laughing her arse off," Cameron said fondly, his mind flashing images of how entertained she was. "M'not gonna lie, after tonight, I really want a quiet night in with her. No big brothers around," he chuckled before sipping his beer.

Rory bit his lip as he glanced at his twin. "She can come here," he said quietly. "I mean, if you want alone time, I can leave for a bit or something," he didn't want to hold him back.

"You don't have to leave, Ror," Cameron shook his head and smiled at him. "Just ignore any and all noises," he slightly smirked.

"Deal, on one condition," Rory sat up a little straighter, looking at him seriously. "No more of your bullshit the day after I fuck."

"Aw, you don't like being woken up to a little spanking on your bum and me saying "good bottom"?" Cameron dramatically pouted, making his twin glare.

"We share that, and no," Rory grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You need something up your arse. You're missing out."

Cameron rolled his eyes. "I'm not putting anything in my bum," he muttered.

"Not even a finger?"

Cameron grimaced, quickly shaking his head. "No, man."

"You're not a real Tomlinson," Rory scoffed.

"Shut the fuck up," Cameron laughed before reaching for a few crisps. "All of you guys are gay-"

"Some straight guys like stuff up their arse," Rory put his hand up, stopping his brother. "Get a blowjob with a finger in your bum, and thank me later."

Cameron shook his head, still laughing a little as he heard how serious Rory was. It was his brother saying things like this that reminded Cameron they were really growing up. Their sleepover might dispute that a little bit, but they had to hold onto the tiny bit of kid they still had in them.

The Next Day- Saturday

"Just keep your head down, mate," Cameron said quietly to Rory as he placed his hand on his lower back, guiding him quickly past the wall of paps.

Rory couldn't even see the event building entrance with the number of cameras, and he swears they were all pointing at him. He was nervous enough already, but his fidgeting in the suit Emerson made him only got worse with every question screamed at him about his relationship.

Rory was too grateful for the barricades holding the paps back, but everything they asked rang in his ears. He had no clue what he was walking into, and the fact that he didn't sent him into emotional turmoil.

"Just a few more steps, and we're in the clear," Cameron squeezed his shoulder as he led him to the door.

As soon as they got inside, Rory let out a deep breath at the quiet and the warmth. Of course, the lobby was packed, but no one was taking pictures or screaming at him.

"You alright?" Cameron checked, his twin barely said anything since they got in the car.

"Just nervous," Rory muttered as they started to head for their seats.

He was sure terror was written all over his face. As much as Rory wanted to be excited and happy that Emerson was in the final, it felt hard. It broke his heart that he didn't know how he would react to seeing them.

His natural instinct would be to sprint to his partner. He knew he would be a sobbing mess and want to hold them and kiss them, but that reality seemed far off, and that hurt. Rory would cry when he finally saw Emerson, but it wouldn't be for the reason he initially thought. Not just because he missed them, but because he had no idea where he stood in their heart; if he did at all anymore.

Rory tried to even his breathing as they got to their seats just a few rows back from the stage. The show reserved him and Cameron spots, and Rory was sure the camera was going to be on him at least once. With all the rumors surrounding him and Emerson, he knew they were a hot topic, and people's gazes and whispering around him were torturous.

"So, how does this work?"

Rory jumped at Cameron's voice, completely lost in his thoughts. "What do you mean?"

"Like, the final," Cameron said, the huge auditorium filled. "Not even half the show is aired on telly right now. Won't this be a huge spoiler?"

"It's a spoiler we see who's in the final," Rory shrugged as he wiped his sweaty hands on his pants. "But we won't find out who wins until it airs. They film each finalist acting as if they won, so no one really knows until the final is on telly."

"Oh," Cameron furrowed his eyebrows. "So Emerson won't even know?"

Rory shook his head. "Not for another month. I'm sure the anticipation will kill them," he laughed the tiniest bit.

Cameron offered him a small smile. "How's the anticipation treating you? Just a few more hours, and you'll get to talk to them."

Rory bit his lip, feeling like he was barely breathing. "I dunno," he whispered and looked at his lap. "When Emerson left, I never imagined feeling like this."

"Like what?" Cameron asked softly.

"Scared to see them," he muttered. "I should be happy and excited, but I'm just-" Rory stopped himself and shook his head. "I dunno... No matter how it turns out, I'm hurt, and that's the shitty part."

"You'll be alright, mate," Cameron draped an am around him and squeezed his shoulder. "I think you'll be surprised by how happy you'll be when you see them."

Rory barely nodded, not so sure about how he'd feel when Emerson came on stage. He had so many mixed emotions, but the blue-eyed lad loved the idea of the good overpowering the bad.

Rory saw the cameras getting ready, and an announcement was heard overhead for everyone to get in their seats. It immediately got him fidgeting, his heart beginning to race as he realized he was finally seeing his partner after a month. He felt like so much had happened between them, and they didn't even speak. The closer they got to the start of the final, the closer he was to being back with Emerson, and Rory was an emotional mess between terrified and elated.

The lights went low, and Rory shifted in his seat for a second before loud music came over the speakers, and the room erupted in cheers. Too quickly, Rory's heart was pounding, he could hear it in his ears as his eyes went to one of the three finalists who was singing on stage.

The queen, Lanja Ray, was performing her intro, and from the episodes Rory had seen, he was surprised to see she had survived. She was weak in the episodes he watched, and it proved anything could happen on this show.

Rory barely paid any attention to Lanja's opening and none at all to the other finalist queen, Mentally Jill, as she did her intro. He was within minutes of seeing Emerson for the first time in weeks, and Rory was excited, nervous, hurt, happy, relieved, and terrified. Too many thoughts ran through his head, but one stood out.

He loves Emerson. Even with all the confusion, there was no mistaking that. And Rory hoped with his entire heart that his partner would look at him the way they always do. With nothing but love back for him.

Rory let out a shaky breath as Mentally Jill finished her song, and not even a minute later a new song started, and his heart was ready to burst out of his chest. His eyes were locked on the stage, and within seconds Emerson was strutting on stage.

At the sight of them, Rory's eyes were clouded, they looked like their most amazing self. Beautiful, confident, and superior. Rory always saw Emerson like that, but tonight he saw them glowing, and it quickly got his chest heating up.

"My queen," he smiled a little as he sniffled.

But then Rory saw Emerson's eyes fall on him, and without even thinking, Rory was on his feet and clapping, knowing despite the fear behind Emerson's eyes, he saw the heartache and love for him written all over their face. That's what he wanted and needed to see. Emerson still loves him.

"That's my queen!" Rory screamed and continued clapping as his partner performed, his heart clenching seeing them smile at him.

Emerson was looking at him as if he was a dream, it was the way he'd longed to be looked at for a month. Everything he missed with his partner was rushing back, and seeing Emerson up on stage for the final got him crying more than he would've liked for the public. But he was proud, and he was in love with this person. And he could see his partner was still in love with him. That's all he wanted.

Emerson was slightly wiping their eyes while they sang, and it shouldn't have gotten Rory to jump as happily as he was, but he needed this.

"Look at you, mate," Cameron teased. "I knew you would smile."

"They love me. I know they do," Rory breathed out as he wiped his wet cheeks and sat back down, not needing to completely embarrass himself.

Now more than anything, he wanted the final to be over, he had to talk to his partner. Through Emerson's performance, Rory caught them looking at him over and over, and each time they did, he felt better about their situation.

He figured if anything happened with Constance, Emerson wouldn't even be able to glance at him. But they were doing much more than that. They were crying and smiling, and it was everything Rory longed to see. Granted, he was still scared to find out something that could hurt them, but he knew for sure Emerson loves him. That's all Rory wants.

The three finalists came on stage together, and the room was screaming seeing the queens with RuPaul on stage. But then the eliminated queens from the season came on, and Rory had to stop himself from leaping on stage as he saw Constance.

Luckily she and Emerson were nowhere near each other, but Rory did notice Constance continually looking at his partner, and it made his teeth grit. However, he was too happy to see Emerson pay them no mind and wanted nothing more than that for the rest of the final.

RuPaul talked with the group of disqualified queens and reflected on the season. They shared a few funny moments between the group, but Rory had to bite his tongue as a few queens commented on Emerson and Constance's quick friendship.

"Talk about an affectionate friendship," one of the queens snickered. "They were always together."

Rory's blood was boiling seeing Constance smiling, but at the mention, Emerson couldn't pick their head up. And it shattered Rory. Once again he was a mixture of emotions, having no clue what happened behind the scenes.

The blue-eyed lad needed all of this to be over. He wanted Emerson home with him, and he wanted their lives to go back to the way they were before. But Rory wasn't sure if he was going to get that. He wasn't sure what their relationship would be like after he talked to his partner.

The disqualified queens left the stage, and RuPaul began one-on-one interviews with the finalists. Rory didn't pay much attention to the other two finalists, but when Emerson got on stage and sat with Ru, he perked right up.

"My dear Empress Electra, you've had quite the season," RuPaul said once Emerson was comfortable in their chair.

"A lot of ups and many more downs," Emerson laughed a little as they nodded.

"You handled it wonderfully," RuPaul assured them with a sincere smile. "We definitely saw some internal battling, but look at you. You came out on top as a finalist."

Rory saw Emerson look into the crowd, and in seconds, their eyes locked. Naturally, he smiled. He always does when his partner looks at him, it's his instinct at this point. And he could see Emerson needed it.

"I definitely have my boyfriend to thank for that," Emerson said softly into the microphone, grinning back at Rory. "He always says, don't be scared when things get dark because that's when stars are born."

Rory's smile reached his eyes, missing these heart-skipping-a-beat moments more than anything with Emerson.

"And oh boy, did a star emerge," RuPaul beamed at them. "Your boyfriend is Rory Tomlinson of Manchester United, right? The football player?" She asked, earning a nod from Emerson.

Rory swallowed thickly as he saw the camera pan to him, and he was on the big screen. He tried not to seem uneasy as he waved, and the audience erupted in claps and cheers, knowing they were the major drama of the season.

"Rory, how do you feel seeing your partner up here as a finalist?" RuPaul asked.

In a second, a crew member ran to him to give him a microphone, and Rory wasn't anticipating speaking at all. But this was for telly, and he was sure they were looking for a negative remark on Emerson and Constance's relationship. But seeing his partner up there, all he could think about was how far they'd come together.

Rory stood up as he took the microphone, his heart racing as this was the first time he could somewhat talk to Emerson in a month. His head was a mess, but there was one thing he knew for sure. He loves his partner, he always will.

"We met when we were 14, and I remember the first makeup job I did on you. Do you?" His voice came out a little shakily, and tears pooled in his eyes as he thought back to all those years ago and saw where they were now.

He had to sniffle and take a second as he saw Emerson wipe their eyes, memories flashing in his brain of two kids falling in love.

"Ever since then, I've watched you grow into a beautiful person, a beautiful artist," Rory said quietly, his eyes refusing to leave Emerson. He wanted to beg to stay by their side, to continue to grow with them, and have the future they've talked about so many times. "Not talking to you or seeing you has been painful, but I hope this experience was everything you wanted. I'm so proud you made it this far, but damn, am I ready to get you home," Rory tried to laugh a little as he wiped his wet cheeks. "I love you, my queen."

He passed the microphone back to the crew member, and as he sat, he could see Emerson trying desperately not to cry.

"I love you too, king," Emerson smiled behind their tears.

The blue-eyed lad wanted to hold Emerson, and cry, and listen to everything. He wanted this over and for them to move on together.

For the first time in a month, Rory felt he could somewhat breathe. Finally, he heard those three words, they still love him.

They had to film all three final queens as if they had won the competition, and when it was Emerson's turn, Rory treated it like they were the true winner. He was screaming, clapping, and crying again, mostly because he was minutes away from finally being with his partner.

"You alright?" Cameron asked once filming was done.

"I'm okay I think- I mean-" Rory let out a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face. "Emerson didn't look guilty, right? A-and they said they love me, that means-" he tried to organize his thoughts. "They wouldn't cheat."

Cameron smiled a little, seeing for the first time in a month that his twin wasn't devastated. "I hope your talk goes well, mate," he clapped him on the back. "Are you gonna try to meet them now?"

"I need to," Rory said, desperate for his nervous jitters to end. "Are you gonna take the car back to the hotel?"

"Yeah, I guess," Cameron shrugged. "I'll just call Flora and chill out, but if you need me, call me," he said before pulling him into his chest for a hug. "Everything's gonna be alright. Emerson was looking at you like they always do. Grossly in love," he chuckled.

Rory let out a deep breath and smiled a little as he heard that before letting his twin go.

Cameron wished him good luck, and the two parted ways. Rory immediately looked around the emptying auditorium for a crew member. And luckily, after a few minutes of searching, he found one, the same guy who handed him the microphone.

"Hey, mate," Rory got his attention quickly. "Is there any chance I can go back and see Emerson?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm sure that'll be fine," the crew member glanced around before shrugging and waving for Rory to follow him. "Can't wait to see'em, huh?" He teased.

"It's been a month. I'm tired of waiting," Rory slightly laughed as he walked after him.

His heart felt like it was vibrating, and his pulse was heavily pumping through him. Rory didn't know what he would do when finally alone with Emerson. If he'll cry, or run at them, or hug them. And that killed him a little bit, wanting nothing more than to hold his partner, but there was still a little bit of terror ruling him.

The crew member led him backstage and took him down a hallway. But Rory nearly froze as they walked past Constance. He hated how long they stared at each other, and Rory gritted his teeth, swearing he saw the queen slightly smirk at him when she noticed his angered expression. Now more than ever, Rory was compelled to think Constance wanted nothing more than media attention and drama, and she got her wish.

"Here's Empress' dressing room," the crew member smiled at Rory and pointed to one of the closed doors.

"Thanks," he said quietly before the other man walked away.

Rory took a deep breath and swallowed thickly as he stared at the door. Talking to Emerson was everything he had been dreading. He was such a mixture of emotions, but Rory was ready to find out the truth. He needed to know how drastically his story could change, for the good or the bad.

The blue-eyed lad carefully brought up his fist and knocked on the door, barely hearing a "come in" before slowly pushing it open.

Rory felt like his lungs weren't taking in air as he stepped in, and his eyes immediately fell on Emerson, who was sitting at a vanity. He saw his partner still as they saw him in the mirror, their gazes locking for only a second before Emerson bounded out of their chair and for him.

"Rory, oh my God," Emerson was crying before their arms were even around their boyfriend's neck. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry a-and-"

"What?" Rory's brain came to a screeching halt, feeling Emerson sobbing into his neck, but he couldn't hug them back after hearing that. "Did you-" he couldn't process what he was thinking as he took Emerson's arms off him.

As he did that his partner only began to cry more, and Rory's heart shattered. Emerson looked... Guilty...

"Y-you cheated on me," Rory barely got the words out, his pulse stopping and eyes blinking tears onto his cheeks. "You-" he gulped and shook his head as he saw Emerson crying into their hands. "You fucking chea-"

"Rory, no," Emerson quickly shook their head, seeing the quick rage and heartache grow behind his eyes. "No, not like- not physically-"

"Then what, emotionally?!" Rory screamed, that feeling just as hurtful.

Seeing Emerson on stage, he felt confident they were okay and that nothing had changed. But now it felt like he had been bodyslammed, and he wasn't ready for any of this.

"Do you really love me?" Rory was terrified of the answer, but he needed to know.

"More than anything," Emerson looked into his eyes.

"Then how could you do this to me?" He shook his head, every second felt more painful than the last.

"Rory, nothing really happened," Emerson reached for his hands, but their boyfriend quickly pulled away. "I-I just- it was nice to have someone stick up for me and help me and-"

"And play my fucking part!" Rory yelled through his tears. "I had to sit with my family and watch you fawn over someone else for weeks! Do you know how that made me feel?!"

Emerson squeezed their eyes shut, begging their tears to stop seeing him so broken. "I know it doesn't make it any better, but Constance was only on the show for a week and a half," they cried. "We filmed a few episodes a week, so it's not like-"

"But you still did it! You let them flirt with you and touch you a-and-" Rory shook his head as more tears fell, the realization crushing him. "What the fuck really happened?" He was terrified but needed to know.

Emerson swallowed thickly, their heart breaking as their boyfriend could barely look at them without sobbing. They did this to him, they crushed him.

"Rory, nothing really happened, I mean-"

"You can't say that," he snapped at them. "You can't say nothing happened just to diminish what you did."

Emerson looked at the floor, barely able to see it through their tears. "We never kissed or anything like that," they said quietly, the air in the room devastatingly heavy. "It was just-... Like, flirting, and I helped them with sewing, and she helped with my makeup. We were there for each other."

Rory had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. "We were apart for not even a few days, and you immediately clung to her," the anger was brewing in his stomach. "Why? Like, what the fuck?" Rory laughed cynically as he bore his eyes into his partner. "How the hell am I supposed to trust you when I'm gone for weeks for games?"

"Rory, please, listen," Emerson was close to begging, hearing the wreckage they were causing. "I never thought about kissing her, or cuddling her, or being with her at all like that," they said with pure honesty. "Just- it felt nice not being looked at as a freak. Even the other queens didn't like me because I'm non-binary, and you're my boyfriend. I didn't get on for talent, I was on because I would boost ratings. I was told too many times I wasn't going to make it as a real drag queen," Emerson felt fast tears running down their cheeks. "Drag is supposed to accept everyone, and it was clear I wasn't for so many reasons. Constance was the only one who reached out a helping hand, and I fucking needed it."

The blue-eyed lad was quiet, as heartbroken as he was, he could see Emerson was too.

"And I'm so sorry, Rory, I am. Especially when Constance kissed me when she got kicked off. My heart fucking broke, and I swear she did it on purpose to fuck shit up," they cried into their hands. "I know it looked bad, and I know I fucked up not setting better boundaries. But every second I was thinking of you, and anytime something happened between me and Constance, I know I hurt you, and I'm so fucking sorry."

Rory kept his gaze on them, Emerson looking close to shaking with how much they were crying, but he felt like he wasn't even in his body, his mind blank. "I don't know what to think," he could barely say. "You say you love me, but you knew what you were doing... You knew you were hurting me being as close as you were with her."

"It was a mistake," Emerson took a step towards him, aching to be close to him. "A huge fucking mistake, and you need to know nothing like that will ever happen again."

There was so much going through Rory's mind. Sure, Emerson didn't physically cheat, but it was clear they had a crush. And the thought of his partner even thinking about someone else besides him like that churned his insides. It hurt him to his core that the person he loved most in the world crossed a line, and Emerson knew they did but didn't stop. But he also thought about how alone his partner was, how, from the very first episode, the other queens were nothing but rude to them and attacked. As much as Rory hated it, he knew Emerson needed a buffer, but not like this.

"You know, I-" Rory swallowed thickly and blinked back tears. "I love you with my entire heart and soul," he said quietly, barely feeling his pulse, and he hated it. "But right now, I'm hurt and fucking-" he shook his head, his thoughts racing. "I don't know what I want."

Emerson's lungs were empty, feeling like their boyfriend's heart was on the verge of letting go of them. "Please tell me a little bit of you still wants me," the words shakily came out.

"I'll always want you," Rory knew there was no denying that. "I love you, I just-... I need time to figure out how I feel about all of this."

Emerson nodded as they sniffled. The man they'd been so used to seeing with his head held high was shattered. "I love you, Rory. Please, know that."

The blue-eyed lad wanted to believe the words; he wished for nothing more than for that to be true. But a voice told him Emerson couldn't really love him and do what they'd done. Rory was terrified that as long as he stayed with his partner, that voice would never go away.

He didn't hug or kiss Emerson before leaving, his mind a clouded mess and his heart in pieces. And Rory didn't know how long it would take to clean up the mess. He had planned for this day to be the start of the rest of their lives together. And right now, he had no idea what the future held for them; it was supposed to be forever. But Rory wasn't so sure anymore.

Chapter Text

Early December

From Queen E 👑 (5:47pm): Hey, I was wondering if you would maybe want to meet up tonight to talk?

Rory stared down at his phone. Since the final three days ago, he hadn’t spoken to Emerson, but he’d received multiple messages from his partner. Some asked how he was or if they could talk, and others were paragraph-long apologizes.

He never knew what to say. Rory didn’t know how he was feeling other than hurt. He knew they needed to talk, but he was scared things between them could get worse. No more hiding, though. Rory knows he can’t be a coward and run away or not deal with it any longer.

“Hey.”

Rory jumped where he was sitting on the couch at Cameron’s sudden voice.

“You alright?’ Cameron furrowed his eyebrows before walking over to take a seat with him.

“Uhm, yeah. M’fine,” Rory said through a heavy breath as he looked back down at his cell. “Emerson wants to get together and talk… It’s about time I say something.”

He looked at Rory softly, seeing how conflicted his twin has been since they got home. “Are you ready to talk?”

“I dunno,” he shrugged and bit his lip, his gaze refusing to leave the messages Emerson had sent him. “I’m not ready to talk to anyone about this,” Rory breathed out. “Everyone is blowing me up asking what happened, and I don’t have an answer.”

“At least talk to dad or pop, Ror,” Cameron rubbed his back. “You know one of them can help you find an answer or at least help you clear your head a bit.”

Truth be told, Rory didn’t want to talk about it because that made it more real. But there was no hiding or denying, he desperately needed some form of guidance, and he didn’t have to think at all before knowing who to talk to.

“M’gonna call pop,” Rory said, leaving Emerson's message unanswered for a bit longer. “What’re you doing tonight?”

“I guess it kinda depends on you,” Cameron said quietly, making his twin look at him confused. “I was gonna have Flora over, but if you and Emerson need the flat, I can take her to dinner or something.”

Rory’s face fell a little. He hated that if he had his partner over, there would be an uncomfortableness, and he didn’t want that when meeting Flora for the first time. He doubly hated that he was the cause of his brother not getting real alone time with Flora.

“Mate, it’s alright. Don’t worry about it,” Cameron offered him a small smile, seeing his overthinking face. “You’re definitely more important than me right now. Talk to pop, and if you want Emerson over tonight, the place is yours.”

“Thanks, Cam,” Rory breathed a little easier before getting up from the couch to head to his room.

He hasn’t said anything to anyone, Cameron barely knows what happened. But he could see how often Rory walked around with tear-stained cheeks and how Emerson hadn’t been mentioned. Those weren’t good indicators by any means.

Rory closed his bedroom door behind him and sat at his computer to FaceTime his pop. He knew his father always answered in less than four rings, but this call, he picked up on the first.

“Hey, buddy,” Harry was clearly surprised to hear from him. “How uhm, how are you?”

“I have a feeling you have a clue,” Rory said quietly, his pop visibly nervous. “M’not so great… Uhm, I’m not really talking to Emerson right now.”

Harry’s face fell. “What?” The microphone barely picked up. “Love, what happened?”

The blue-eyed lad looked away from his camera. How sadly his father was looking at him reminded him of his harsh reality, and he didn’t want to delve into it. But he had to.

“So, uh, Cam and I went to the final, and during the entire thing, I was sure Emerson and I were good. Like- they were smiling at me and crying, and obviously relieved to see me,” Rory played it over in his head again and again. “They said they loved me in front of everyone…” He shrugged, struggling to figure out how true that was. “After filming, I went to Emerson’s dressing room and uhm… The first thing they did was start sobbing and apologized, and it was obvious they felt guilty.”

Harry looked at his son softly, hating to see him blinking back tears and looking anywhere except for him. “Did you guys talk about it? Like- did they cheat?” He had a hard time fathoming that Emerson would.

“They uh-” Rory had to clear his throat and wipe his cheeks. “I dunno, I don’t know if it’s cheating, but they just-...” He let out a deep breath, hating even to say it. “They definitely had a crush on Constance, and they openly flirted.”

“But Emerson didn’t kiss her or anything, right?” Harry tried to hide his nerves.

Rory shook his head as he sniffled. “No, nothing physical except Constance kissing Emerson when they left, but Emerson said that broke their heart, and just-” he let out a frustrated breath, having no clue what to think.

“Buddy,” Harry said gently, wanting him to look at him. “I understand you’re hurt,” he said once Rory lifted his head. “But keep in mind how sorry Emerson seemed. I mean, did they seem comfortable at all with what happened?”

The 18-year-old bit his lip, barely shaking his head. “No, they-...They were crying like-... Like they cared too much,” Rory said slowly, his mind playing with his partner sobbing against him.

He didn’t really think about that until now, his thoughts continuously sounding with the facts.

“I just- I dunno, it feels like they cheated even though they didn’t,” Rory was lost. “Emerson let Constance get close to them, and they knew I was watching, the world was. In what type of fucked up universe is that okay?” The notion had his stomach churning.

“It’s not,” Harry’s heart broke a little seeing his son so angry and hurt at the same time. “Has Emerson reached out to you?”

“Every day since the final,” Rory muttered. “But I haven’t answered.”

“It’s scary, buddy. I know this whole thing is, but you need to talk to them,” Harry said seriously. “The longer you drag it out, the more things could go wrong.”

Rory nodded, hating how disconnected he felt from Emerson. “I’m just scared to learn more, and it could push me over the edge.”

“Love, I don’t know what Emerson told you at the final, but it sounds like they came clean from how they’ve been acting, and that’s important,” Harry looked at him gently. “They got a little crush, they needed a shoulder to lean on while they were there,” he said, knowing from the episodes he saw Emerson didn’t talk to the other queens. “I’m sorry you feel like you got replaced…”

“And that’s it,” Rory said shakily as he rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m not replaceable, and Emerson acted like I was.”

“You’re one of a kind,” Harry offered him a small, honest smile. “Can I ask you something?”

Rory nodded, needing to reach for a tissue to blow his nose.

“How do you feel about your relationship with Emerson? Like- is it something you want to continue?”

The blue-eyed lad hated that question. The immediate thought of not being with Emerson emptied his lungs. “I love them. I want to be with them,” Rory felt slow tears fall down his cheeks. “But fuck, this hurts, and I’m scared I’ll never be able to trust them.”

“Then you talk about that, Ror,” Harry wished he could hug him. “You tell Emerson you love them, and you’re hurt, and you make a plan to make sure it never happens again,” he laid it out for him. “But also listen because I’m sure Emerson had their own struggles.”

Rory attempted to get his breathing in order. This is what he needed, a game plan.

“Is this something we can bounce back from?”

Harry hated how scared his son looked, but he tried to send his son some confidence virtually. “I do,” he said sincerely. “Eyes may wander, Rory, but you’re their heart’s home.”

Rory bit his lip. “I just have to make sure they’ll always come home,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna have Emerson over tonight. I think I’m calm enough to talk to them.”

“You can do this, love,” Harry gave him a little pep talk. “Be honest, even if it’s uncomfortable. And listen. Open communication.”

Rory smiled just the slightest as his pop gave him an encouraging thumbs-up. “Any and all advice you have, I’ll take. After putting up with dad for over 30 years, I know you’ve learned a lot,” he joked.

“Your father definitely keeps me on my toes,” Harry chuckled. We’ve had some bumps, but we've come out stronger. I know you two can as well.”

Rory sent him a grateful smile. “Thanks, pop. I needed to hear that.”

Harry grinned back, happy to see he relaxed a bit. “Call Emerson. And call me tomorrow to let me know how it goes.”

“Okay,” Rory said faintly. “I love you, pop. Thank you.”

“I love you too, big guy. It's no problem,” Harry smiled before waving at the camera and hanging up.

Rory slumped into his chair before pulling his phone out of his pocket. As soon as it was in his hand, he anxiously got up to start pacing. There was no way he could chicken out; this was something he had to face, for better or worse.

Rory tapped Emerson’s contact and nibbled on his bottom lip as he pressed his phone to his ear. He felt like he wasn’t breathing as the line rang, but it only did twice before he heard the voice he’d been missing too much.

“Hey,” Emerson was clearly surprised to hear from him. “Have uhm- I mean, did you see my texts?”

Rory was quiet for a second, unable to count the number of apology paragraphs they sent, and he could hear Emerson was ready to spew more. “Yeah, yeah, I read them,” his voice felt close to numb. “Do uh… Do you maybe want to come over tonight? We can talk.”

“Definitely,” Emerson said easily. “Did you eat dinner yet?”

“No,” Rory’s barely eaten at all the past few days.

“Okay, well, I’ll grab something for us and head right over.”

“Alright,” he said, finding it hard to think of anything else to say right now. “See you in a bit.”

He hung up before Emerson could say anything else and let out a deep breath as he tossed his phone on the bed.

Rory’s first move was to find Cameron, and as he headed for his twin’s room, he had to use all of his power to calm his racing thoughts. “Hey,” he walked into the bedroom and made Cameron turn away from picking out clothes. “So, uh, Emerson is gonna be here in a little bit.”

“Good,” he offered him a small smile. “Did pop help?”

“Yeah,” Rory breathed out. “I dunno man, I just want to be able to grow past this.”

“You guys can,” Cameron knew it for a fact. “It’s shitty now, but your guys’ relationship could be even better,” he smiled at him. “Imma take Flora out to dinner and go back to her flat. Don’t worry about me.”

Rory could easily see his brother meant it, and he was truly grateful. “She’s traveling soon, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, in a week,” Cameron muttered, not looking forward to Flora leaving.

“Well, why don’t you have her over before she leaves and exchange Christmas gifts or something. Maybe decorate the tree and the flat. I dunno,” Rory shrugged.

Cameron let out a small laugh. “You just want the flat decorated and not have to do it yourself.”

“Maybe,” Rory slightly smirked. “But you gotta admit, it’s a cute date idea.”

Cameron hummed. There was no denying that it would be fun, and he was sure his heart would skip a beat seeing Flora’s eyes shine from the Christmas lights. This holiday season felt like it could be the best one he’d had in years.

“I’ll talk to her about it tonight,” Cameron said happily. “Did you wanna meet her when she comes over?”

“Yes,” Rory didn’t even need to think. “You’ve been talking to her for 3 months. I’m desperate.”

Cameron shook his head as he laughed, it was obvious Rory was aching to meet her. His entire family was, but he was taking his time with introductions.

“Did uh, did you get Emerson anything for Christmas yet?” He asked. “We can have like a double-date gift exchange or-”

“I gotta see how tonight goes, mate,” Rory said through a deep breath. “I mean, it sounds nice, but right now, I just don’t know.”

“Yeah, yeah, uhm, I’m sorry,” Cameron felt a little bad for asking. “Did you wanna talk a bit before Emerson comes over?”

“No, it’s fine,” Rory knew what he needed to do. “Get ready for your date.”

Cameron offered his twin a small smile before Rory walked out, needing to change before Emerson came over. When he got to his closet, it was a little sad. He reached for some of his nicest but casual clothes. He wanted to feel handsome, and he wanted Emerson to see he was someone worthy of having. Rory wanted to be fought for.

He knew clothes were one thing, but his mind struggled with what he wanted to say. There was no doubt that he’d be crying most of the night, but Emerson loved that about him, how sensitive he was. Rory felt like, for too many weeks, he’d been reminding himself of the many ways his partner loved him. But he really missed hearing it. Maybe tonight, that longing could be put to rest, and they can pave a new road forward.

Rory doesn’t want to leave Emerson. He can’t imagine being himself without them. But he was terrified of how much trust was lost. Will he live in anxiety every time he’s away, and what if it never stops?

Cameron said goodbye before leaving, giving his twin one more pep talk and hug.

Rory finished getting ready, even going through the extra effort to do his hair up the way Emerson liked it. For some reason, he felt the need to impress them, like he had to win them back. But Rory kept his thoughts in check and reminded himself how many times Emerson had apologized and that they were already aching to talk to him.

The blue-eyed lad walked around the flat and picked up a few things that were strewn about. As the minutes passed, he knew he was getting closer to seeing them, and he had to keep himself occupied.

Rory even went as far as to go into Cameron’s room and start cleaning, but halfway through gathering his twin’s laundry, he heard a knock at the front door.

He let out a deep breath as he walked to the door, needing to wipe his sweaty hands on his pants before reaching for the handle.

“Hey,” Emerson said before the door was even fully open.

Rory hated how easily he smiled, and the look of relief on his partner’s face was noticeable. “Hey.”

“I, uh, I brought dinner. You’re favorite,” Emerson held up the bag in their hand before their gaze looked Rory up and down. “You, uhm, you look really nice.”

There were still butterflies, there was the way his partner was looking at him that he missed so much. But he hated the nerves, hated the heavy feeling lingering over them.

“Thanks for dinner and for saying that,” the smallest chuckle came out before stepping aside to let them in. “Let me guess, you went to Tara’s?”

“Chicken tagine with lemon and no olives for you,” Emerson laughed before following Rory to the table. “I know you, Rory. We could go to any restaurant in the city, and I’ll know what you’ll get.”

Rory could hear the slight joking, but it struck him in the wrong way a little. And he was quiet as they pulled the food out and sat. The longer neither of them spoke, the heavier the weight rested on them.

“You say you know me,” Rory could barely get the words out, and as soon as they were, he saw Emerson fidgeting in their seat. “So you knew what you were doing with Constance broke my heart?”

Their face fell, seeing the obvious distraught behind Rory’s eyes was crushing, and they caused it. “I-...” Emerson swallowed thickly. “I felt guilty, Rory, you need to know that… I never initiated anything, it was always her. But I know I’m to blame for not stopping it and- and yeah, like feeding into it.”

Already, Rory could hear them getting choked up, and he hated how quickly he felt pressure behind his eyes. “This is not the type of conversation I ever wanted to have with a partner,” he said, hating that he had to. “It just-... What fucked me up was that in the first 10 minutes of the first episode, your relationship started, and it didn’t stop until they were kicked off. How was your first thought not me, and how I would feel?”

“Rory, the first few days, I thought she was just being friendly. I thought it was okay,” Emerson said earnestly, a slight pleading in their demeanor. “But then she started flirting, and I dunno, I just- I was stupid and didn’t think before talking, and I know, I-...” Emerson let out a deep breath and wiped their eyes. “I hurt you. I know I did, and I’m so sorry.”

Rory looked down at his lap, his heart telling him Emerson was tortured over this, but his mind was saying something else. “Why did you latch onto her? I mean, have you always fancied her since you started following her years ago?”

“No, no, I didn’t fancy her,” Emerson sincerely shook their head. “Rory, it just-... I wasn’t welcome there,” they said quietly, finally making their boyfriend look up to meet their eyes. “The other queens reminded me relentlessly that I only got on because of you and that I wasn’t a seasoned enough queen… The only person who was nice to me was Constance, and I know I let it get too far,” Emerson sniffled before wiping their wet eyes. “You’re the only person who ever looked at me like I was attractive, like I was something, and then-” they got choked up and cried into their hands. “I was weak and fucking stupid the first time anyone gave me any sort of attention, and I was clearly used to get her followers, and I fucked us up and just- I’m sorry, Rory.”

Rory could hear and see how horrible Emerson felt about it, and he hated that it made him feel better. But he didn’t want Emerson painstakingly punished. The blue-eyed lad carefully reached for Emerson’s hand, and as soon as Rory’s was on top of theirs, his partner’s gaze shot to him.

“You know how much I love you,” Rory said quietly, seeing the relief flood over Emerson’s face. “It just feels like that love got taken for granted, and-... And I’m scared it could happen again.”

“Rory, no,” Emerson held onto him and leaned in closer. “This was a horrible fucking lesson to learn, but I did. You need to know I will fight and learn and compromise to get the fairytale we’ve been dreaming of since we were 14,” their tears started falling again, and they came out faster as Rory wiped them away as he had the tiniest smile.

“So you really love me?” He whispered, picking their chin up to make their eyes meet. “And not as in a right now, but forever way?”

“Yes,” Emerson looked at him with certainty. “I’m so sorry I ever made you question it.”

Rory was being looked at the way he’d been longing for. With so much love and aching and want for forever. “I just need to know how we make sure this doesn’t happen again,” he said quietly. “I’m gonna be gone a lot of weekends and sometimes flying for weeks at a time with football, and I don’t-...” he let out a deep breath, Emerson’s hand in his giving him comfort but also anxiety. “How can I trust you?”

“Because I could never do something like this again to hurt you and ruin the best thing I will ever have,” Emerson’s tears stemming from the thought of losing him were overwhelming. “You are incredible in so many ways, a-and I don’t deserve a man like you, but fuck, I promise to show you I’m a person who's worthy of being with you. I know I keep saying I’m sorry, but it’s not enough, and I know, but I-”

“Stop,” Rory wasn’t thinking as he got up to hug his partner, needing to squeeze his eyes shut to stop his tears, feeling Emerson sobbing into his neck. “I just- I want to move forward from this and go back to us. I-... I fucking miss you, and I was scared you didn’t miss me.”

“I did. So, so much,” Emerson said shakily as they held onto him tightly. “I’m sorry it took all of this bullshit for me to see just how much I love you, but I really do, Rory.”

The blue-eyed lad took in a deep breath, for the first time in a month, he felt like his heart was beginning to beat normally again. “I love you, too,” he whispered.

Rory barely pulled away to look at Emerson, and seeing those green eyes so close made him feel like he was finally back home. He hasn’t been nervous to kiss Emerson since he was 14, but here he was at 18 with his gut erupting as he was centimeters away from his partner.

Rory could see Emerson’s nervousness, too, and his heart broke a little to see the two of them in this place.

He slowly leaned forward, feeling their breaths mix and Emerson’s hands gripping him a little harder. Being so close, Rory was smiling, and he barely saw Emerson’s grin before his partner tugged him in by the nape of his neck to connect their lips.

Instinctively Rory pulled them closer, and finally kissing Emerson immediately made a sigh of relief come out. It felt like their first kiss all over again; the timidity mixing with want. But this kiss was also powerful, it was a promise, and Rory felt it crash over him.

“Oh, I missed you,” Emerson mumbled before kissing him a few more times and making him laugh.

“I missed you, too,” Rory whispered, pecking their nose and naturally smiling as Emerson giggled. “I can’t do this again. You need to know that.”

“Never again,” Emerson shook their head. “You have my promise on that.”

Rory knew fully trusting Emerson wasn’t going to come easy. There was no doubt in his mind that his first few away games would make him a nervous wreck, but with time, he wished that he’d calm down.

“I’d really like to watch the rest of the RuPaul episodes with you as they come out,” Emerson said softly, despite Rory pulling away, they held onto his hand, missing having their boyfriend so close. “I hope you see I’m being honest.”

From what Emerson said, Rory coulld figure out that his partner had it rough with the queens. Maybe they talked about him for the first time since the season started. “I’m sorry the competition wasn’t what you expected,” he said quietly.

Emerson shrugged as they frowned a little. “I made it to the finals, but I wish I had gone about things differently.”

“We’ll move forward,” Rory gently rubbed his thumb along Emerson's hand.

He knew they could grow past this. It was clear how distraught Emerson was over it, and as sad as it was, Rory could see his partner learned their lesson. It was never something Rory wanted to happen to ensure their feelings for each other, but he knew it did.

“Tonight, we can catch up and focus on getting back to us,” Rory offered them a small smile.

Emerson grinned back, so relieved they could hold Rory again and didn’t have to think before leaning forward to hug him tightly. “Thank you for being as wonderful as you are,” they said quietly. “I missed you and just- missed feeling you love me.”

Rory smiled a little into their neck and kissed the spot before giving Emerson a gentle squeeze. “Please take my love seriously,” he whispered.

“I do, and will forever. I promise,” Emerson nodded.

Rory could hear the honesty, and he knew this was a good step towards getting them back to how they used to be. It was strange, as he leaned in to kiss Emerson, he felt the difference.

His partner was holding him like any second he could go, and their lips felt promising. Rory was relishing in it, and he had to believe he and Emerson would be okay. It won’t come overnight, but Rory was relieved to have his partner back; to be back home.

Tomorrow- Harry POV

Harry evened out the comforter on Cody’s bed, and it was wild for him to think that he hadn’t done this since his son was little.

Setting up Cody’s and the girls’ rooms was easy enough. Even though Cody wouldn’t be coming home for another week, Harry wanted everything ready just in case. He and Louis even had a surprise for Cody and TJ that Harry was struggling not to spill.

More than anything, they wanted the pair comfortable, and there was no denying that it was a relief that their son would be close while he was going through this.

Harry had so many worries. He knew Amelia wouldn’t fully understand what was happening, and he was sure the three girls would miss their dad.

Harry can remember his father being weak. For a stretch of time, he couldn’t leave his bed. Knowing that his grandkids, son, and TJ had to experience that broke Harry's heart, But Harry was sure Cody would handle this like his dad did. Cody has always been his brave boy who never lost his smile. And he had to hope through the rough road ahead he would still see his son’s dimples.

“Hey.”

Harry slightly jumped at Louis’ voice.

“You alright?” Louis checked before he fully walked in.

“Yeah, yeah, m’good,” Harry nodded before scanning the room to see if anything else needed to be done.

“Are you sure?” Louis raised his eyebrows at him. “Because you’ve been in here every day since Cody said they’d move in.”

Harry bit his lip, and as he looked down, he saw a picture on the nightstand. The sight of it immediately made a small smile appear. It showed him and Cody when his son was just a toddler, signing back and forth and smiling.

The green-eyed lad carefully picked it up. Since this picture was taken, it’s been next to Cody’s bed. “It’s strange,” Harry said quietly as he shook his head. “It feels like just yesterday he was 2 and constantly shrieking,” he laughed a little at the memory.

Louis looked at his husband softly, a pang hitting him in his chest as he saw Harry fighting back tears. “He really was the cutest kid,” he slightly smiled as he walked up to see the picture.

His smile grew a bit when he saw their son with blonde hair and bright green eyes. “Remember the first time he signed?” Louis couldn’t take his eyes off the picture.

“Yeah,” Harry grinned, able to imagine it too easily. “You just came home after being away for two weeks. He signed “eat”.”

“And you were laying on the couch but rolled off after I screamed,” Louis chuckled at the memory. “He wasn’t even 1 yet... Our brilliant boy.”

Harry smiled, the more he looked at the picture, the more memories came flooding back. All the love and laughter and learning how to parent so young. But they’re not young anymore, and their kids are grown up.

“It felt like time flew by, didn’t it?” Harry asked quietly. “Seems like yesterday they were having Sunday breakfast dance parties in their pajamas, and now-... I just wish they never grew up. I wish things were still simple.”

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, and the blue-eyed man hated how quickly he felt tears on his neck. It seemed like nowadays, all they did was cry for their kids. There were so many lives to keep track of, so many personalities and different paths. They had to guide their kids through their obstacles, and it was painful not to have some of the answers or easy fixes.

“I miss them being little, too,” Louis carefully rubbed Harry’s back. “But they’re all turning into wonderful adults, and I feel like we’re doing a pretty good job putting kind people into the world.”

Harry nodded, knowing their biggest goal as parents were raising kind kids. “They’re all so loving, and it breaks my heart that the world can’t love them back. That the world is still cruel.”

Louis barely pulled away, his eyes sunken as his gaze met Harry’s. “That’s life, H… It’s not fair to everyone,” he said just loud enough for Harry to hear. “Being a person in this world isn’t easy, but we raised kids strong enough to tackle it.”

Harry knew that was true. Each of their kids was a wonder in their own individual, beautiful way. But he missed the simple days. The days when his babies were babies, and they didn’t really know about the crazy world they lived in.

“Do you want to go out tonight?”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows at Louis. “Tonight?”

“Yeah,” Louis shrugged as he wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist, keeping him close. “It’s been months, and we could use a little us time.”

Harry ran his fingers through the back of Louis’ hair, for weeks it felt like they’d been on autopilot with each other. “Should we drop Charlie off at Alexis’?”

“Actually, Cam is coming over,” Louis said, immediately seeing Harry’s surprise. “Yeah, I guess he called Charlie and said he needs help with a project, so he’ll be here soon.”

“A project?” Harry was smiling a little. “Gotta be music-related if it’s those two.”

“Charlie spilled the beans a bit. I think it’s a Christmas present for Flora,” Louis chuckled, his daughter told him in an excited rush.

Harry’s eyebrows shot up, it being so unlike Cameron to play music for anyone who wasn’t Charlie. “We need to meet this girl.”

“We better before the New Year,” Louis huffed, knowing if Flora isn’t introduced to them soon, he’ll throw a proper tantrum. “We’ll interrogate him when he comes over, but c’mon,” he playfully smacked his husband’s bum, making him jump and blush. “Let’s get ready for dinner.”

Harry bashfully smiled as Louis winked at him before heading out of the room.

It feels like it’s been forever since they went out, or they even felt like they could have a night without worrying. But Harry was craving a little escape, and there was no one better to escape with than Louis.

Whenever they go out, they get dressed together, and even after 32 years, Harry still smiles as his husband asks for help picking out his outfit. He loves dressing Louis up, and the blue-eyed man finds just as much joy in helping Harry.

“What do ya think?” Louis turned to face the green-eyed lad and straightened out his tie.

“Oh, take me to bed,” Harry groaned as soon as he saw Louis in suspenders.

The older man let out a startled laugh, loving the way his gut erupted as Harry eyed him up and down, that feeling never going away. “What? You gonna tie me up with’em?” He joked.

“Wouldn’t be the second or even fourth time,” Harry slightly smirked back at him.

Louis hummed, his face burning as he thought back to the few times Harry had. “Maybe tonight I’ll let you have your way.”

“It’s been a while,” Harry chuckled before walking up to their full-length mirror and checking himself over.

“Yeah, it has,” Louis said quietly before biting his lip. “It’s been a while since we’ve really done anything.”

Harry paused from fixing his shirt, his eyes meeting Louis’ in the mirror. It’s been half a year of worry, starting with Cameron. It felt like all of their kids had struggles the past few months that made them fall into bed emotionally exhausted.

“It feels like it’s been non-stop for months,” Harry shook his head. “But tonight, I’d really like to take a step back and just breathe.”

“Definitely,” Louis easily agreed, knowing his eyes crinkled as he watched his husband finish getting ready.

He missed seeing Harry even remotely relaxed, and there was no denying Louis has been just as bent out of shape. The blue-eyed man knew there was nothing that would wash away their underlying constant worries, but they could try to alleviate them.

“Guys!! Charlie!”

“Oh Lord, I hear a younger me,” Louis chuckled, his son’s voice making him think of himself screaming for the kids once upon a time.

“You have your mini-me’s, and I have mine,” Harry smiled before taking a step to connect their lips.

Louis hummed against him, his grin growing as the younger lad pecked him a few times.

He followed Harry out of the room and down the stairs to the foyer, both of their smiles unmissable as they saw Charlie squeezing the life out of Cameron, and their 18-year-old was groaning annoyed, but grinning nonetheless.

“Pleasant surprise, huh, Charlie?” Harry laughed once his daughter let Cameron go, and he swooped in to hug him.

“She screamed in my ear when I called her,” Cameron chuckled as he squeezed his pop.

“I’m excited!” Charlie reached for her big brother and tugged on him.

Cameron rolled his eyes fondly and let go of his father, only for his dad to hug him next. “You guys look nice. Date night?”

“A much-needed one, yes,” Louis said with a smile, loving to see the kids eager to hang out.

“Everything okay?” Cameron asked with furrowed eyebrows.

Louis pulled away from his son and looked at Harry, and within seconds, he saw his face fall. Of course, both of their immediate thoughts were on Cody, and looking at Cameron broke the pair, knowing his rare smile might be gone again once he found out the news.

“Yeah, ya know, it’s just nice to go out every once in a while,” Louis shrugged, trying to keep the grin on his face. “We hear you’re going out quite a bit.”

“When are we meeting Flora?” Harry didn’t want to wait to ask, even if Cameron seemed a little startled.

“Soon guys, I dunno,” Cameron breathed out. “Maybe when we have the party on New Years.”

“Oh, so you don’t introduce her for months, and when you finally do it’s everyone you know at once?” Louis teased.

“It’s convenient,” Cameron said factly. “And besides, I think it’ll be nice for her to go into the New Year in a house full of people who can speak her language.”

“Cameron!” Harry was ready to burst, and he was sure he did, as Louis started cackling next to him. “Oh, my sweet, sweet boy, you-”

“Pop, c’mon,” the 18-year-old huffed, pushing his father away as he started kissing his face. “Go to dinner.”

Charlie giggled as she saw her brother embarrassed, and maybe she wanted to add to it. “She calls you Cam the charmer for a reason,” she poked him.

“Flora does? How do you know that?” Harry looked between the two kids, unable to help his smile.

“Cam texts me,” Charlie said happily, even if her brother was slightly glaring at her. “I think he’s in love-”

“Charlie, I’m not in love. We’re not even officially dating yet, and I’ve told you this,” Cameron stopped her.

“You sound like you’re in love,” Charlie scoffed, making her dads laugh.

“I’m an emotional man, not a man in love,” Cameron muttered.

“Yet,” Harry smirked at him, making his son’s face go red. “We’re gonna head out, but have fun tonight you two. Make beautiful music,” he went to hug them both.

Louis followed right after Harry, hugging their two kids and kissing Charlie before whispering to her to get a video of Cameron playing. He could see by the determined look in the 12-year-old’s eyes that she was up for the challenge.

“Can we acknowledge that Charlie is going to find out before anyone that Cameron is in love?” Harry laughed fondly once they got in the car. “Where the hell did that come from?”

“I love it,” Louis confessed with a smile. “That lil girl just like you can’t keep her mouth shut. Give me all the tea, all the time,” he joked.

Harry grinned bashfully. “Hey, I kept Al and Hayden a secret for a little while.”

“Yeah, because you didn’t want to break my brain or send me into a rage,” Louis could so easily remember his heart stopping as he saw the teenager on his couch for the first time.

“Just wait until Charlie starts dating,” Harry said, making Louis groan. “I’m not looking forward to that either. It’s like a rude awakening that the baby of the group is really growing up.”

“We have 6 years before she’s off at Uni,” Louis had a bittersweet smile. “Maybe she won’t even go to Uni. Maybe she, Cam, and Cody can start a band,” he joked.

“Oh yeah, we’ll be like the Von Trapp family singers,” Harry laughed along, but did love the idea of their three kids getting together.

He missed the silly dreams Louis could come up with; he missed having these moments with his husband.

Louis’ hand was in Harry’s the entire car ride, his thumb rubbing along the younger lad’s skin every few minutes or squeezing him as he laughed at something. Each time the noise filled the car, Harry was smiling, not seeing his husband’s eyes crinkle this much in too long. He forgot how much relief he felt, how much comfort he got just from seeing Louis smile.

Louis passed their car over to the valet once they got to the restaurant, and as they walked inside, he reached for Harry’s hand.

It was clear once they walked inside how relieved the green-eyed lad was to be able to sit and have a meal made for them.

“Thank you for tonight,” Harry said softly as Louis pulled his chair out for him.

“We needed it,” Louis kissed his hair before heading to his chair across from him. “This time next week, we’ll be having five house guests.”

Harry hummed, the past few days, they’ve been going through storage for baby things. “I found so many of the girls’ old things,” he smiled fondly. “My absolute favorite were the Batman and Spiderman onesies you got Alexis without my approval.”

“I was out shopping with the guys, and Zayn persuaded me,” Louis shrugged innocently and grinned. “I can’t believe you kept those. Damn, near 30 years old at this point.”

“I kept a lot of the kids’ clothes and toys,” Harry said bashfully. “It feels like the older they get, the more important those things seem.”

“Plus, it’s nice to break it out again for the grandkids,” Louis smiled, knowing if he saw Harley or Quinn in a superhero onesie he’ll get a rush of memories in a wonderful way.

“How many grandkids do you think we’ll have?” Harry was giddy just thinking about it.

And Louis was smiling just as much as he thought about their kids becoming parents. “Well, Cody already has 10, so-”

“Louis,” Harry laughed into his hand, making his husband’s grin reach his eyes. “Seriously.”

“I dunno, H,” Louis shrugged. “Imma guess 15 or 20.”

“Oh, can you imagine,” Harry’s dimples appeared, picturing his and Louis’ house overrun.

“I can, easily,” Louis scoffed, loving to see the dream behind Harry’s eyes. “Is it sad I want to sit down with Cody and propose a plan on a family compound? I need his money.”

Harry let out a startled laugh, and the noise only got louder as he saw how serious Louis was.

“Seriously, let’s just buy a fucking town. We’ll call it Tomlinson Town, and all our houses can be close, and you can run a little restaurant or something,” Louis offered, his smile reaching his eyes as he saw Harry clutching his stomach.

“Okay, this is a new level of Tomlinson takeover. It’s not Manchester United anymore, it’s slowly becoming the world,” Harry joked back.

Louis nodded without hesitance. “Cody has companies and factories in wild places. We could do it. Set some shit straight in the world.”

“Set some shit gay,” Harry corrected him teasingly.

“We’ve been gay idols for years. You know the people will rally behind us,” Louis was confident.

“I always told myself I could take over the world with you,” Harry murmured fondly as he reached for his husband’s hand.

Louis smiled at him, lifting up their hands and kissing the back of Harry’s. “Thank you for choosing me to love forever,” he said softly.

“As wild as you are, I’d choose you again and again,” Harry smiled easily. “There’s no one else I could live this life with.”

“Same goes for me, curly,” Louis squeezed his hand.

He felt like he had to soak in seeing Harry this happy, this at peace. And all dinner, Louis did just that. His husband was glowing in his suit, and his smile was radiant, Louis truly missed seeing it.

He knew the next few months wouldn’t be any easier but harder than the last 6 months have been. And tonight was needed, a reminder of no matter how crazy things get, they’re always ready to take on the world, so long as they’re together.

It was nights like this when they felt like they had fallen in love again. The fond looks sent while sipping on wine, or sharing food across the table. Even after 32 years, no matter where they eat in the world or how nice the restaurant is, Louis always tells Harry his food is better. And every time the green-eyed man smiles, it warming him to his core that his food feels like home to Louis.

“Tonight was wonderful, love,” Harry breathed out as they got in the car. “It was exactly what we needed.”

“Eh, almost exactly,” Louis slightly smirked and quickly glanced at him before taking off down the road. “How do you think this night should really end?”

“With you in me.”

“Jesus,” Louis snorted, his husband not even needing to think. “I was gonna be all smooth and say like, me sexily taking off your clothes or some romantic shit, but nope. You just went for it.”

Harry shrugged bashfully, his heart skipping a beat as he saw how quickly Louis got flustered. “I know what I want, and I know what my man wants,” he chuckled.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Louis was able to peck Harry’s cheek as he came to a red light. “We need to flirt more. Smack my arse or something if you see me in the kitchen.”

“So every 20 minutes because you’re constantly snacking?” Harry teased him.

“I wanna be eating a biscuit and have my bum slapped, yes,” to Louis it sounded wonderful.

Harry rolled his eyes fondly, his husband looked like he was daydreaming about it. “Do you need more food play in your life?” He joked.

“Yes,” Louis groaned, making Harry let out a surprised laugh. “Feed me and fuck me. You’re so good at both, so just do it at the same time.”

“Geez Lou,” Harry muttered through a smile as he adjusted himself in his pants. “I can’t walk into the house with a boner.”

“You can, and here’s how,” Louis immediately had a plan. “Cam and Charlie are probably in the music room, so we can just sneak upstairs.”

Harry was entertained more than anything. The way Louis was talking reminded him of being a teenager. “Be quiet when we walk in. None of your usual nonsense.”

“I promise I’ll be quiet,” Louis patted Harry’s thigh. “Walking in only though. You know as soon as we hit the bedroom it’s game on.”

The green-eyed lad muffled a laugh into his hand and nodded, hating how true that was.

There was a spark between them, one that hadn’t been lit in so long, and the pair didn’t realize how much they’d missed it. Harry felt like he was giggling like a teenager in love as he watched Louis park and sprint to open his door.

His husband always gets the door for him, but the dramatics and the eagerness have never faded in all the years they’ve been together.

“Hey, c’mere,” Louis stopped Harry before he put the key in the lock.

The younger man furrowed his eyebrows, but gasped as Louis reached for his waist and carefully pushed him until his back hit the door. And as soon as it did Louis’ lips found his, and from the inside out Harry’s body went warm.

His husband didn’t allow any room between them, and he could feel how terribly Louis wanted him. Knowing how much the blue-eyed man longed for him sent a charge in his gut, and the longer Louis kissed him, the more he was smiling into it.

Even in the December chill Harry was hot with Louis’ hands exploring him, and he loved how the older lad’s touch on him never changed. The way he would run his hands along his sides, or play with his tie or hair as their lips moved together.

“Lou,” Harry mumbled shakily against him, feeling him all at once.

But he groaned as soon as Louis ground their hips together and sucked at his neck before pressing a hot kiss on the spot.

“C’mon, let me snog ya for a bit,” Louis smirked before tipping his head up and laughed against Harry as he lunged down to connect their lips. “Good lad.”

Harry hummed as Louis rested all of his weight against him and swiped his tongue into his mouth. In seconds, his pulse was racing, and his mind was solely on the man in his arms. Too easily, he was reminded of how effortless it is to get lost in Louis, it’s too easy to love him.

Harry had to hold everything in him not to moan as the older man pushed their hards together and made him thump against the door. “Louis, can we please quietly go inside and not scar the kids?”

Louis chuckled as he grabbed Harry’s keys, seeing his eyes blown and obviously hard. But truth be told, he wasn’t any better and definitely rushed to get the door open.

Harry quietly walked inside, looking around a bit, and hearing the very soft murmer of a piano playing. “Good, they’re in the-” he was startled as Louis cupped his cheeks and crashed their lips together, and once he felt his husband on him he was groaning.

“Quiet Mr. Tomlinson,” Louis smirked against him, but knew the yelp was coming as he reached for the back of Harry’s thighs and lifted him to wrap his legs around him. “Look at that. I’m still fit,” he chuckled before Harry leaned down to kiss him.

“You’ve always been fit, and you always will be,” Harry mumbled against him before humming as Louis squeezed his bum and pulled him until their hards met. “Look at you, damn near 50 and picking me up-”

“Please forget that age and don’t say it again,” Louis said before he started heading for the stairs and adjusted Harry’s legs around him.

“No, you’re my silver fox, and it’s fucking hot,” Harry said matter-of-factly before nipping the older man’s neck and getting him to hiss.

Louis stumbled a bit as he walked up the stairs, praying Dezzy was nowhere near him. He’s tripped over the dog a few times, he doesn’t need to again.

“Fuck, I need to work out more. This used to be a lot easier,” Louis said through a breathy laugh as he got to the top of the stairs. “I bet you’d love the footie body back.”

Harry cupped his cheeks and pressed their lips together, as soon as he felt his husband smiling against him he was too. “This version of you is my favorite,” he whispered.

“No way,” Louis scoffed, but felt his pulse slowing at the adoring looking the younger man was sending him.

“It is,” Harry said honestly. “This is the man you’ve grown to be,” he smiled softly, their lips an inch apart and his thumb rubbing along Louis’ beard.

Louis was frozen, words refusing to come out as he got lost in the sincerity behind Harry’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Harry said quietly, and as soon as the words came out Louis’ lips were on his.

This was one of Harry’s favorite ways that Louis kissed him. Every time he says, “I love you,” his husband presses their lips together heavily, holds him a little tighter, and smiles against him. Harry gets a wave of confidence every time Louis does this because it’s never gone away. His husband reminds him again and again that their love never will.

They may be aging, and it showed a bit with how slowly Louis walked them to their bedroom, but he carried him the entire way. And Harry couldn’t help his giggling as the older man breathlessly laid him on the bed and cracked his back before taking his suit jacket off.

“You alright old man?” Harry teased as he reached for Louis and tugged him until he was standing between his legs.

“I remember being 20 and capable of throwing you,” Louis huffed as he stuck his neck out for Harry to undo his tie.

Harry felt his cheeks go red, quickening his pace a bit to take off Louis’ tie and pop his top buttons. “You were very tactile, that’s for sure,” he chuckled before pecking his lips, easily able to think back to Louis switching from one position to the next in seconds. “The endurance you had, too. I mean, fuck Lou, you could go for hours if I let you.”

Louis laughed a little embarrassed as he helped Harry undress. “Now you’re lucky if it’s three pumps before I dump and then immediately pass out,” he joked.

“Oh, stop!” Harry laughed as he playfully hit his chest and got Louis out of his shirt. “You give me a solid 8 minutes, and I’ll give ya credit, you get the job done,” he winked at him.

Louis loved to hear it because at this point anything longer than 15 minutes had him cramping. But tonight, he wanted it to last, he wanted the moment to be savored.

“Get the cock ring. We’re having fun tonight,” Louis said as he unbuttoned his pants.

Harry raised his eyebrows, his heart skipping a beat as he shuffled to his closet and opened his secret drawer. “You bought so much shit when you went on that shopping spree years ago.”

“You said you wanted to explore,” Louis smirked at him, at this point knowing his husband loves nothing more than a little spanking in bed. “We never did when we were young, nows the time.”

Harry didn’t even know what to grab, and seeing the toys and knowing his husband was naked behind him had his mind moving in a frenzy. He eagerly grabbed his favorite body oil and Louis’ favorite cock ring, knowing those two would do just the trick.

“Ooh,” Louis wiggled his eyebrows as he saw the bottle. “I know what you want,” he chuckled before standing in front of Harry and unzipped his pants.

The green-eyed man felt his cheeks heat up, and Louis smirking at him and reaching into his underwear didn’t help his racing heart.

“I’ll do that for you and anything else. I’m in a bit of a mood tonight,” Louis wrapped his fingers around Harry’s hard and rubbed his thumb along his tip, feeling how much he was leaking.

“What kinda mood?” Harry gulped, his husband’s eyes seeming pleading.

“I kind of need a power bottom,” Louis was a little embarrassed saying it, not remembering the last time he was nervous around Harry. “I dunno, we’ve been experimenting a bit, and uh, when we’ve done that it was-”

“You start practice in two days, and coach wants someone in charge of him,” Harry teased him and urged his husband’s wrist to keep moving.

Louis’ face went crimson, feeling Harry twitch in his grip. “Sometimes I need a little managing too.”

Harry hummed, in seconds his blood felt hot as it rushed through him.This didn’t come from Louis all that often, but when it did it drove Harry wild in wonderful ways. After all these years they’re figuring out there’s still plenty more to learn.

“Kiss me,” Harry whispered, and as soon as Louis heard him his lips were heavy against the green-eyed lad’s.

Too easily, Harry felt Louis’ eagerness as his fingers worked around his dick, and it got him groaning into his husband’s mouth. Harry wanted nothing more than for this night to last, for it to never end, because for the first time in too long, they were both really feeling good. He needed to hold onto it for as long as he could, and with the way he plays, they’re going to have a late night.

“Get on your knees,” Harry broke away from him and nodded to the ground before fully undoing his pants and pushing them down his legs.

He felt himself throbbing seeing Louis look at him wide-eyed before licking his lip and hungrily scampered to his knees. This was still new for Harry, his husband aching to be told what to do, and seeing Louis get as worked up as he does was a complete turn-on.

In seconds, Louis was gripping his waist and leaning forward to take him into his mouth. And at the immediate wet warmth, Harry let out a deep groan before clutching the older man’s hair and urging him along.

“Put this on yourself,” the green-eyed man passed Louis the cock ring and tried not to laugh a little as his husband scampered to grab it, knowing he was aching to touch himself.

Louis kept his lips around Harry as he put the cock ring on, trembling a little as he hit the back of his throat and felt the sudden tightness that surrounded him. He groaned at the feeling, and Louis knew the vibration ran straight through Harry’s dick as he glided his tongue along his shaft.

“Christ Lou,” Harry gasped as he squeezed his eyes shut and started rocking into his mouth.

He felt his breathing coming out in heaves as Louis opened the back of his throat for him. Harry was amazed by how much the older man was enjoying himself, and he was getting just the same rush.

At this point, Harry was clutching Louis’ hair to keep him in place as he thrusted into his mouth, and the older lad took him with no hesitation. Harry swears he’s never heard his husband whine so much in his life, and it got Harry’s cock throbbing.

“Fuck, you’re wonderful, Lou,” Harry said through a shaky breath and loved to feel Louis humming around him. “C’mon, bed,” he tapped his shoulder.

Louis let out a heavy breath as he pulled off, feeling his heart race as he shakily climbed on the mattress. “These are the kind of orders I like. None of that do the laundry or take out the garbage bullshit,” he laughed, his eyes crinkling as Harry slowly climbed over him.

“So if I say I’m gonna fuck your face and I want you to finger me at the same time, you’ll happily agree?” Harry joked, but he felt his heart stop as he saw Louis’ jaw go slack and his eyes went wide.

“Y-yeah, yeah, I mean-” the blue-eyed man shrugged, his pulse spiking as his husband looked at him shocked.

“Louis,” Harry was at a loss for words, his husband clearly excited by the idea. “The older you get, the more subby you get,” he had to tease him as he leaned down to kiss along his neck.

“Listen, I’m a man whose life requires a lot of control, and sometimes I don’t want it,” Louis huffed.

“Oh, love, I’m not complaining,” Harry laughed into his skin and nipped his collarbone. “The nights I tie you up, I forget my own name for a bit. You can give your control to me anytime you want.”

Louis gulped, melting under his touch and letting his eyes shut as Harry kissed along his chest. He swore he could hear his heart beating in his ears, feeling the younger man’s firm hand run along his thigh and dangerously close to his hard.

Louis knew he put himself in this position. Whenever they do this, Harry refuses to touch his length and, more often than not, won’t let Louis touch him at all. It drove him crazy, and it was frustrating beyond belief, but Louis was quickly learning that was the fun of it.

“Can I suck your dick?”

Harry stopped kissing his husband’s chest as he heard him, and his pulse stopped seeing him desperate.

“If you’re not gonna play with my dick, at least let me play with yours,” Louis was ready to plead.

He was beyond hard, and the cock ring was making him sensitive, but he wanted more of his husband.

“Y-yeah, just-” Harry reached for the bedside table and pulled lube out.

His mind was fuzzy, barely able to breathe as he saw Louis fixing pillows behind him and sitting up against the headboard. It was a beautiful sight, he was. The older man was ready and waiting, and seeing how much pre-cum was dripping down Louis’ cock made Harry need to bite back a groan.

“You’re on double duty,” he passed the blue-eyed man the lube and straddled Louis so his length was in his face.

Louis quickly nodded, aching to touch Harry in any way before his husband’s mood changed. He moved in a rush to squeeze some lube onto his fingers, and as soon as the bottle was off to the side, Harry carefully gripped his hair.

He gasped as the younger man made him look up at him, actually kind of liking the tug and feeling his heart race, seeing Harry’s eyes blown and dimples barely visible.

“Work hard, and I may throw in a treat later,” Harry said playfully, and laughed as soon as he saw Louis’ eyes light up.

“What kind of treat? Like brownies are getting made kind of treat, or I get to touch you while we fuck kind of treat?” Louis chuckled as he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss into Harry’s hip, loving to feel him shudder under the touch.

“No to both of those,” Harry smiled fondly down at him as his fingers ran through Louis’ hair. “Just suck my dick like the champ you are, and open me up, and you’ll get something in return.”

“Easy deal,” Louis said before taking Harry into his mouth and trying not to laugh around him as he heard his echoing moan.

But his heart skipped a beat as Harry tightened his grip on his hair and pushed his hips forward repeatedly. Louis was groaning with him in seconds, his free hand quickly holding onto Harry’s waist and trying not to shake at his pace.

Each time Harry hit the back of his throat, the green-eyed man was grunting above him, and Louis was doing everything in his power not to touch his own dick. Harry was a marvel, and Louis loved being the man who got to see him like this.

He wanted to give Harry everything, letting him use his mouth and every few thrusts swirling his tongue around his dick. Louis loved every strangled noise from Harry that bounced off the walls, loved how quickly he could get his husband’s thighs to shake.

“Are you waiting for me to tell you to finger me?” Harry asked shakily and groaned as Louis pulled him deep into his throat before looking up at him.

“Yeah, I can’t jeopardize my surprise,” Louis said as if the younger man should know this.

Harry chuckled, his gut erupting as he saw the determination and desire behind Louis’ eyes. “Good,” he kissed his forehead. “Go ahead and start. And keep doing that flick thing on my tip.”

“Feel good?” Louis smirked up at him before taking him into his mouth again and carefully reached to tease his hole.

“S’good,” Harry said through a heavy breath as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Harry felt like he was almost clawing into the headboard as Louis eagerly played with his dick and slowly pressed two fingers into him. The older man’s tongue paid attention to his sensitive tip, and Harry was relishing in the heat that it caused to race through him.

“Fuck Lou,” Harry groaned as one of his hands shakily reached for Louis’ hair, needing to hold onto him as his fingers began to work. “You feel fucking incredible.”

“Incredible enough for my surprise?” Louis smiled up at him.

“You’re on the right path,” Harry winked and tapped his head to silently tell him to keep going, making Louis roll his eyes, but he saw the crinkles at the corner of them.

Louis was more than okay to keep sucking Harry off and easily picked up his pace as he fingered the younger man. His length was throbbing with the ring around it, and Louis knew he was leaking profusely without having been touched. Harry was breaking him apart, and with each minute, Louis grew more turned on hearing his husband’s whines and curses as his dick became soaked with spit and his hole slicked with lube.

“Oh, Louis. Oh my- fuck-”

“You’re not close are you?” Louis pulled off.

“I need you to fuck me,” Harry was breathless and desperate, his gut on fire and pulse racing through him. “Get on your back and lube up your dick.”

Louis was frozen for only a millisecond before his brain registered what he said and quickly nodded as Harry moved off to the side. He doesn’t think he’s ever reached for lube so fast in his life, aching to feel something around his throbbing hard. And as soon as he wrapped his fingers around his length, he let out a low groan and couldn’t help himself as he gave a few pumps.

It was relieving, but he grew a little nervous when he saw Harry going through his bedside table’s second drawer. “What’re you doing?”

“Did you really think I didn’t know about your goodie stash?” Harry teased as he held up one of the many bags of biscuits Louis had hidden away.

Louis opened and closed his mouth, his face suddenly burning. “Please don’t take it away.”

Harry rolled his eyes fondly before tossing the bag of biscuits on the bed and climbing over the older man. “I won’t take it away, but I’ll have you know I do count what you eat,” he smirked down at him, and it grew as he rested his hips against Louis’ and saw his jaw go slack. “If you start eating too much we’ll talk.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll talk,” Louis gasped, a bit too dazed as Harry’s arse started grinding against him.

“But you can have two biscuits while we fuck. I feel like that’s pretty fair,” Harry chuckled as he squeezed his legs a little tighter against Louis’ waist and kept circling his hips.

“You listened to me,” Louis’ groan bounced off the wall, holding onto Harry’s waist tightly and aching to finally feel him surrounding him. “Yes, yes, that is exactly what I want.”

Harry was truly in love with this man, Louis was like no other, and it was impossible not to smile as he reached for a biscuit and shifted himself over the blue-eyed man’s dick. “I’m happy we could make a fantasy come true,” he chuckled before passing it to Louis. “Please don’t choke.”

“H, did you see me gag once the entire time I went to town on your dick?” Louis raised his eyebrows as he giddily grabbed his dessert. “I don’t think I’m capable of choking at this point.”

Harry shook his head fondly. There was no denying that Louis had a superpower with his throat. But he hoped Louis would be careful. His husband ate like an animal, and one biscut was two bites for him.

The green-eyed man watched Louis carefully as he slowly eased around his dick, and the further he sank down, the faster his husband’s chest was heaving. It was hard not to smile as the hand holding his biscuit was shaking, and yet Louis was still trying to eat.

“Oh, Harry,” Louis groaned with his mouth full as the younger man completely engulfed him. “You fuck me and feed me so well- oh,” another moan came out as Harry barely moved his hips. “You make amazing biscuits, and you feel amazing- fuck.”

“You are rock fucking hard,” Harry laughed a little breathlessly, feeling beyond filled up with Louis in him.

“This is wonderful,” Louis mumbled as he chewed and squeezed Harry’s hip tightly with his free hand as he started rocking. “I love you so much.”

Harry smiled down at him, letting Louis finish his biscuit before he leaned down to connect their lips. “I love you too, and all your ridiculousness,” he teased before pecking him a few more times. “I’ve really missed you.”

Louis was quiet for a second, holding Harry a little tighter as he moved on top of him. “I missed you too, H,” he said softly, his heart beginning to pound as his husband cupped his cheek and looked into his eyes.

There was a silent conversation, what they wanted to say was written all over their faces. But Harry kissed Louis to stay in this place, to keep the bubble of peace they created to last just a little bit longer.

And how the older man was kissing him back had Harry groaning, feeling from Louis how horribly he was chasing the moment. The green-eyed man couldn’t help his shaky breaths as he kept their lips together and picked up his pace on top of Louis. The faster he moved, the tighter his husband was holding onto him, and Harry was feeding off Louis’ aching.

The blue-eyed man was whining into Harry’s mouth as he rode him, feeling his dick throbbing and too sensitive. The pressure was consuming his gut, but refused to release and it sent Louis into a craze.

And Harry was thriving off it, taking control of the kiss and reaching for his husband’s wrists before pinning them above his head.

“Oh, and so it begins,” Louis groaned, knowing he wasn’t getting his hands back until he cums.

“Relax you,” Harry pecked his nose and tried to even his breathing as he rocked on top of him. “Just for a little while until you’re put to work again.”

Louis swears that as soon as Harry restrains him in any way, he jumps closer to his end. In seconds, he longs to touch and feel Harry, especially while he’s moaning and riding him. The younger man’s stomach flexes beautifully every time he rocks, and seeing Harry with so much control over him was toe-curling.

The faster Harry snapped his hips, the tighter he held onto his wrists, and Louis was close to shattering. The curly-haired man was taking over his senses completely, and this was what Louis secretly and desperately needed.

Harry was grunting above him, and the noise alone made Louis groan. The two went back and forth and fed off each other. The room was far from quiet, and as Harry started to speed up around Louis, he couldn’t help the low moan that bounced off the walls.

“Fuck, oh fuck H,” Louis threw his head back and felt his chest heaving.

“Are you close?” Harry slowed down a little bit and caught his breath.

“Definitely getting there,” Louis blinked a few times, feeling like waves were crashing over him.

“Do you want a condom?” Harry was already reaching for the bedside table.

“No,” Louis grumbled, making his husband still. “What’s the point? I’ve leaked enough in you for it to be considered a whole load.”

Harry let out a deep breath as he shook his head. “We can’t keep gambling, Lou.”

“C’mon, the odds are slim,” Louis squeezed his hips. “Remember, H, you’re getting older too. You have like a 4% chance of getting pregnant. And who even knows if my swimmers are still swimming.”

With the way their luck has been going Harry was hesitant. He knew Louis was right, he’s not in his 20s or 30s anymore and can’t get pregnant like he used to. He’s coming up on 48 and that time in their life has passed.

“We’re really getting older, huh?” Harry laughed a little, feeling like the thought crashed on him.

“All I wanna do is grow old with you,” Louis smiled softly at him and reached up to cup his cheek. “It’s been wonderful.”

Harry’s cheeks went red, ducking his head bashfully. “You sap.”

“Only for you,” Louis looked at him fondly, loving he could still get the younger man flustered.

Harry leaned down to connect their lips and hummed as soon as Louis’ fingers were in his hair to pull him closer. “I’m gonna get on my hands and knees. Do what you do best and finish this out,” he offered his husband the bottle of oil with a small smirk.

“Yes,” Louis groaned and in a rush got Harry off him and snatched the bottle.

Harry muffled his laugh as he crawled onto the bed and put his arse in the air. He loved how quickly Louis scampered behind him and grabbed his hips, clearly eager. And then Harry saw Louis grab the oil bottle, and just at the sight his heart rate picked up.

Harry moaned at the sudden cool liquid on his back, and Louis immediately started rubbing it into his skin, which made another noise escape.

“Feel good?” Louis chuckled as he massaged his shoulders.

“Very,” Harry mumbled, his husband’s thumbs doing too well of a job at loosening his muscles. “But you know what’ll make it better.”

Louis hummed with a smile as Harry peeked back to look at him with a smirk. And just as the blue-eyed man’s fingers dug into Harry’s skin, he pushed into him.

“Oh Lou,” Harry groaned into the pillow. “Fuck, massage me hard, and fuck me harder.”

Louis couldn’t hide his small laugh, but as he started to move, he made just as much noise as the younger man. His thumbs were pressing firmly into Harry’s shoulders in sync with his thrusting, and in minutes, his husband was heaving.

But Louis was just the same. He felt like his insides were ready to burst, and the grip of the ring and Harry’s hole made him want to crumble.

He loved how slick Harry’s skin was and how the green-eyed man shoved his arse back to meet his hips. They’ve always been in sync, and it was obvious that they were close as both their thighs started shaking.

“Shit, H,” Louis breathed out heavily as he squeezed his eyes shut and slammed into him. “I’m getting there.”

“Me too,” Harry was just as breathless but released a whine, feeling Louis drive deep into him. “Keep doing that.”

Louis quickly nodded, moving his hand to grip Harry’s hips and speeding up his pace. As soon as he did, his husband was moaning into the pillow with every thrust, and Louis was grunting, feeling himself tipping over the edge.

“Oh fuck, -o-oh fuck, H-”

“Cum in me.”

The words registered, and with one more push into Harry, Louis was cumming and groaning his name. And Harry was right behind him, his tight whine as the blue-eyed lad sloppily finished in him echoed against the walls while he came.

“Holy shit,” Louis blinked a few times as he slowly pulled out and immediately threw himself next to Harry.

He laughed a little as he saw Louis heaving, clearly dazed, but Harry was no better. He couldn’t think, let alone form words.

“You’re wonderful in so many ways,” Louis laughed quietly, his grin refusing to leave as he pulled his husband to lie down with him. “Pass me my other biscuit.”

Harry let out a surprised laugh but reached for the bag before passing it to Louis. “You’re so ridiculous.”

“Biscuits taste different after sex in an amazing way,” Louis said before taking a big bite. "I love you."

Harry rolled his eyes fondly as he chomped on his biscuit. "I love you too," he cuddled onto the older man’s chest, and he loved how quickly Louis wrapped an arm around him to pull him closer. “Tonight was really great,” Harry smiled into his skin.

“It was,” Louis said softly as he kissed Harry’s head.

Harry wanted to stay in this bubble for a bit longer. He didn’t want to think about the coming months. He knew Louis was in the same state, both of them clinging to the peace for as long as they could.

So they stayed in their room and wrapped up together until Cameron called Louis and asked when they were coming home.

It was a relief the kids stayed in the basement and had no idea they were home, but it was like a wake-up call. Time to get back to their reality.

Chapter Text

One week Later:  Mid-December

Rory watched Cameron from the couch, his twin zooming around and a clear nervous wreck as he cleaned the already clean flat. “Mate, your anxiety is giving me anxiety,” he teased him.

“It’s Flora’s first time coming over. This needs to go well,” Cameron said through a heavy breath as he ran a cloth over the coffee table.

“It’ll be fine, mate,” Rory rolled his eyes fondly. “Are you excited to give her her present?”

“Presents,” Cameron laughed a little bashfully. “I have a few surprises.”

“Classic,” Rory muttered, amused. “Emerson is coming over for a bit to meet Flora, but we’re gonna go to dinner.”

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his brother. “You didn’t wanna order in with us and hang?”

“Nah,” Rory shook his head and smiled. “You guys could use some actual alone time.”

Cameron’s face went a little warm, hating the smirk Rory was sending him.

“How far have you guys gone?” Rory asked just as Cameron started to fidget and quickly gathered his cleaning supplies.

“Not very far,” Cameron breathed out and walked to put the chemicals under the kitchen sink. “We’ve snogged and stuff but doing anything other than that just feels wrong with Mata one room over.”

Rory hummed, thinking as much. “Well, have some fun tonight, mate. Start the holiday season off right,” he chuckled.

Cameron had a timid smile as he went back into the living room, his heart thudding just at the thought of unattended time with Flora. He wanted everything to go right tonight. He had a few plans, and he hoped, like with all his surprises, the green-eyed girl would be smiling.

He triple-checked that everything was ready, and even if Rory was watching Cameron like he was crazy, he felt himself relaxing knowing he was organized.

“Do you hear something?” Rory asked, swearing he heard voices from outside their front door.

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows as he walked closer to the door, and he grew confused as he heard two people talking. But even through the door, he picked out the unique and beautiful voice he’d fallen for at first words.

“Hey,” Cameron pulled the door open and quickly felt his chest pounding as he saw Flora and Emerson talking and signing. “Do uh- do you two know each other?”

“Hi!” Flora smiled widely before giving Cameron a quick hug and kissing his cheek. “We don’t, but we ran into each other on the way up and got to talking about you.”

The blue-eyed lad froze in her arms, immediately panicking. “What about me?”

“Well, you and Rory,” Emerson chuckled as they saw him terrified. “Flora was telling me about how much of a sap you are, and I love that all the Tomlinson men have that trait.”

“And that the two of you make the same face when you giggle,” Flora poked Cameron’s cheek, making him playfully snatch her hand and smile down at her.

“None of that,” Cameron tried to say seriously but couldn’t stop his fond look as he kissed her nose. “Please go easy on the embarrassment because I know Rory won’t.”

“Fine,” Flora jokingly huffed.

Cameron couldn’t help his smile from growing, seeing her dramatics as she slumped her shoulders. Even if Emerson was right there, he had to steal a quick kiss before ushering the two inside.

“Were you gossiping at the door?” Rory teased as he pushed himself off the couch to hug Emerson.

“You know me, the gossip queen,” Emerson quietly laughed before squeezing him tightly.

Rory hummed, giving his partner a quick peck on the cheek before his eyes lit up, seeing the girl with Cameron. “I have waited way too long to meet you, and I’m sorry, but I need to hug you,” he signed and said in a flash.

Cameron was mortified as his twin rushed to wrap his arms around Flora, but at least she was laughing as she hugged him back.

“Oh my gosh, it’s crazy seeing you two together up close,” Flora was shocked as she looked between the twins. “You two are legitimately identical.”

“Don’t go accidentally kissing me. I know I’m a looker, but-”

“Ror,” Cameron nudged his brother and slightly glared.

“And I’m quickly seeing the differences,” Flora joked, seeing Rory beaming and Cameron murdering his twin with his eyes. “Relax, grumpy.”

“Oh, I like you. Please call him out on his bull shit all the time,” Rory smiled widely even if Cameron’s face went red. “He told me how often you call him a shit spotter in C.O.D., and thank you for finally being the one to tell him,” he was relieved he didn’t have to break the news to his twin.

Flora’s cheeks were the same color as Cameron’s at this point. Within minutes, Rory and Emerson made her comfortable. What she loved the most was that they signed everything. It was so different to be around new people who could.

“Here, love, do you wanna put that down?” Cameron suddenly realized the gift bag in Flora’s hand with her purse.

“Put it under the tree, please,” Flora happily passed him the gift.

Cameron was a little surprised as he took the bag; it was a bit heavier than he had expected. “You and I are on decorating duty, love,” he said a little bashfully as he walked over to their bare Christmas tree in the corner of the living room.

“Are you two staying?” Flora asked as she smiled at Rory and Emerson.

“No, they’re going to dinner,” Cameron said before his twin could change his mind.

Rory grumbled slightly, now wanting to stay and get to know Flora. But he offered to leave, and Cameron clearly wanted him to. “We’ll help decorate a bit before we go,” he said, needing a little time with her.

“I see you two went overboard at the store. Like always,” Emerson teased as they saw bags upon bags of Christmas decorations on the living room floor. “If there’s one thing you need to know, both of these boys go overboard with everything,” they said to Flora, making her chuckle.

“We’re our dad’s sons,” Cameron and Rory said simultaneously, not even facing one another.

Flora was shocked as the two acted like nothing happened and continued pulling decorations out of bags.

Emerson tapped Flora’s arm, trying to hold in a small laugh. Get used to it.

Flora felt like she had to get used to a few things. A big one was seeing what looked like two Camerons, but it was easy to tell who was who. She knew Cameron’s facial expressions all too well. But Flora wasn’t sure how long it would take for her to get accustomed to so many people around her knowing how to sign, and the fact they could wiped away an incredible amount of anxiety.

“Love,” Cameron waved his hand to get Flora’s attention and smiled as soon as their eyes met. “I’m sorry, I uh, I didn’t offer to show you around,” he felt like he was failing a little with manners. “Do you want a tour?”

“Please,” Flora’s dimples appeared, from what she saw of the flat, she loved it already.

Cameron told Rory and Emerson they would be right back before taking Flora’s hand. He felt unreasonably nervous as he led her to the kitchen that connected to the living room. Cameron knew showing a girl his flat was a first, and he was horrible at firsts. But, like always, he tried to keep his anxiety at bay.

“Aw, cute kitchen,” Flora smiled. “Bet it doesn’t get a lot of use, huh?”

“Hey, c’mon,” Cameron said playfully as he stepped to wrap his arms around her and loved how quickly she rested against him. “You haven’t complained once about any of the dinners I’ve made you.”

Flora hummed, her eyes crinkling as she looked up at him. “You’re good, sometimes even better than me.”

“Oh, only sometimes?” Cameron teased, adoring how simply having Flora in his arms calmed him down.

But he knew as soon as she heard that, he unlocked a minor beast.

“Whoa, whoa, no. You can’t say that your paella was better than mine. No,” Flora stated firmly, only for Cameron to giggle and nod. “You better be joking. Perfeccioné esa receta! Tu paella fue-”

“Love, you know, as soon as you start yelling at me in Spanish, I bend the knee,” Cameron groaned through a smile, loving how she’ll get a bit fiery with him every once in a while.

“I swear sometimes you want me to curse you out on Spanish,” Flora rolled her eyes fondly.

“I do,” Cameron chuckled before kissing the shocked look off Flora’s face and taking her hand. “C’mon,” he nodded towards the hallway.

Flora’s cheeks went pink as she followed him with a skip in her step.

“So, uh, at the end of the hall is Rory’s room, and here’s the loo,” Cameron pointed out before heading to the door at the other end of the hall. “And uhm, yeah, uh, this is my room,” he was nervous as he turned the knob to open it.

“No way you always keep it this clean,” Flora was laughing as soon as she stepped in, shocked.

Cameron smiled bashfully and followed her in, shoving his hands in his pockets as he anxiously watched her look around. “Usually, a few more snack wrappers and pop cans are lying around.”

Flora hummed and grinned as she carefully ran her hand along the keys of his piano and noticed the guitar right next to it. Cameron’s desk was beside the instruments, making it obvious he had created a work corner.

The blue-eyed lad tried to breathe, it feeling like Flora was seeing another part of him as she looked around his room.

“Who the hell built this thing?” Flora was in awe as she looked at his gaming PC.

“My brother-in-law,” Cameron chuckled; even if Declan wasn’t officially family, he knew he would be in no time. “Declan, I’ve told you about him.”

“Yeah,” Flora smiled a little more, hearing a few things about the Irish lad and how helpful he’s been to Cameron. “I need to get on his good side, huh? He helps with mental health, hearing aids, computers,” she joked.

“He’s great, and please remind him he is all the time,” Cameron grinned as he watched Flora inspect the unit.

“I will as soon as I meet him,” Flora playfully eyed him.

Cameron felt his pulse pick up, knowing they’d been talking for nearly four months, and she’d just now met Rory. Meeting his family, in his eyes, was a lot. It was a step he was scared to take for a while, but Cameron knew he was finally ready.

“Yeah, I uh, I wanted to talk to you about that. Like uh- meeting my family,” Cameron slightly cleared his throat, hating how much he was stumbling. “My dads host a New Year's Eve party every year for my entire family, all like 40-something of them,” he laughed sheepishly. “I-I was wondering if you’d wanna come? Reign in the New Year with me?” Cameron asked with a timid smile.

Flora was clearly surprised, more so by the number of people than anything else. “You want me to meet all of them?”

“Yeah,” Cameron smiled at her and reached for her waist. “You know, they all sign, and I just thought it’d be nice for you to go into the New Year feeling like you belong and not just with me-”

Flora stopped his nervous rambling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him.

Cameron was definitely surprised but quickly laughed against Flora as she refused to let him go. “I’ll take that as a yes?” He teased before giving her a few more pecks.

“Definitely,” Flora said bashfully. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m terrified but also really excited,” she confessed. “It’s so different being around people who can sign… You’re so different.”

Cameron looked down at her as she mumbled into his chest. “Different in my own wonderful way?” He mock-teased, her always saying that to him.

“Exactly,” Flora smiled before kissing his neck and giving him a light squeeze.

Cameron stole a real kiss before letting her go, knowing the sooner they decorated with Rory, the sooner he would leave. And at this point, Cameron was aching for a quiet flat.

“Oh Lord, who okayed this?!” Cameron immediately went wide-eyed as he saw his twin standing on a chair in the living room with Emerson on his shoulders as they tried to put garland up.

“We don’t have a ladder,” Rory grumbled as he tried to keep his feet even.

“No, no. Down,” Cameron said sternly as he rushed to help Rory, making Flora snicker. “Are you insane? We started practice a few days ago.”

Rory rolled his eyes as he stepped down from the chair, and his twin helped Emerson off his shoulders. “I deadlift 22 stone. I think I can handle someone on my shoulders who barely weighs 10,” he mumbled.

Cameron snorted. “You can only deadlift 22 stone?”

Rory quickly narrowed his eyes at him. “What the hell do you lift?”

“My max is 25 stone,” Cameron smirked.

“I’m stopping this before it begins,” Emerson shook their head, seeing the will to fight behind Rory’s eyes. “Love, we can wrap garland around the pillars,” they averted his attention.

Rory slightly glared at Cameron before following Emerson to one of the two wooden pillars that led up to the ceiling. “Flora, do you have any fun embarrassing Cam stories?”

Flora gasped, “I do,” and smiled widely, causing Cameron to freeze from grabbing tree lights.

“Ooh, please tell,” Rory smirked, earning a laugh out of Emerson as they worked together to hang the garland.

“No, no, love, you don’t have to-”

“I want to,” Flora said as if it was obvious, making Rory let out a barking laugh. “So he does this thing-” she paused as Cameron groaned, making her chuckle before he gave up on stopping her and continued picking through ornaments. “He sings, like- everything,” Flora was smiling just at the thought. “He has a song for getting snacks, and cuddling up, and when he has to use the loo and-”

“Babe, please,” Cameron nearly begged as Rory and Emerson started letting out hoarse laughs.

“Cam, it’s wonderful. There’s always noise, and it’s my favorite one, you,” Flora looked at him fondly before helping him get the rest of the tree lights out.

Cameron felt his heart skip a beat as their eyes met, his smile easy and relieving. “I never knew how terribly I wanted to be heard until I met you.”

“Whoa- Cam, that was cha cha real smooth-”

“Rory,” Cameron muttered as he rubbed a hand over his face, but a second later found himself laughing with Flora.

“He’s a smooth talker. Dangerous this one,” Flora winked at Cameron before they brought lights over to the tree.

“I bet his songs are wild,” Rory chuckled as he tacked a part of the garland.

Flora furrowed her eyebrows as she glanced at Cameron, and saw him bite his lip as he started laying the string of lights along branches. “You haven’t heard him?”

“I heard one song and eavesdrop as much as I can but don’t get much,” Rory playfully eyed his twin. “Only you and our little sister Charlie have ever really heard him.”

Cameron swore his hands were shaking as he hung the lights, but in seconds, he felt Flora’s hand on his. He picked his head up, and as soon as their eyes met, he saw the fondness behind them.

Everything you played for me means so much more, if possible, she signed and smiled at him.

Cameron was grateful for the tiny moment between them. With Emerson and Rory not facing them, they had a second. You understand my language, and I know yours.

Flora’s smile reached her eyes as she nodded and leaned in to connect their lips. And she was too happy at how quickly Cameron pulled her into his chest and made sure to give her a proper kiss.

“Have you seen how fast Cam writes?” Rory asked, having no clue what was going on behind him.

Cameron and Flora chuckled as they pulled away from one another.

“Yeah, I’ll be doing homework and not even halfway done before he has an entire song written,” Flora smiled as she and Cameron kept decorating the tree. “Very rarely do I actually get to hear anything, though.”

“It’s part of a plan,” Cameron said in a sing-song voice, making Flora giggle.

“You sound like dad,” Rory snorted as he and Emerson finished decorating the first pillar. “Be warned, Flora, you’re in for a hell of a lot of surprises. Some will be crazy.”

“Really?” Flora lit up a little, and her smile grew seeing Cameron go red and Emerson nod. “What’s the craziest thing your dad did for your pop?”

Cameron and Rory looked at each other without hesitation and said, “the beach wedding” simultaneously.

“Oh my God, the beach wedding!” Emerson almost squealed. “Those pictures were so cute!”

Rory rolled his eyes fondly. His partner loved going through scrapbooks with his pop. “Our dad set up this wild vow renewal in Greece, where they had their honeymoon, for their 10-year anniversary. He flew everyone out and set up this gorgeous ceremony on the beach.”

“And he had our older sister Alexis officiate it even though she was 8,” Cameron added as he laughed.

Flora’s jaw was slightly slack. “That was a surprise?”

“Oh yeah,” Rory nodded with a smile. “Dad and pop flew out a week earlier than everyone else, and dad just said it was a holiday. But they ended up having two weeks at the beach and a total party.”

“Take notes,” Flora playfully poked Cameron.

“Trust me, love, I’ve learned from the best. I know what I’m doing,” he rolled his eyes fondly.

Cameron wholeheartedly missed having inspiration, and with Flora, he has more than he knows what to do with. Surprises, songs, poems—they all come easy to him because Flora sparks something in him.

Normally, this time of year is hard for him. The holiday never felt like a true celebration. But for the first time since he was 13, there was that special shift in the air that only came around Christmas time.

The lights on the tree were gleaming more than they usually were, and they were sparkling in Flora’s eyes. Cameron couldn’t stop himself from stealing glances at her as they decorated the tree.

Flora’s dimples couldn’t fade as she listened to Rory’s many stories about him, and that sight alone had Cameron grinning. The green-eyed girl is stunning, and she constantly makes his pulse spike in beautiful ways. Decorating for Christmas caused just that, his mind racing, but in a way he loved to get lost in. Cameron could see himself having many more Christmas memories with Flora.

The green-eyed girl got Rory and Emerson talking about video games and football, and Cameron could see his twin was impressed with her knowledge. He knew Rory already loved Flora before meeting her, but it was relieving to see them getting along so well.

He and Flora were taking their time with the tree as Rory and Emerson found spots for many of the decorations they bought.

Cameron was happy just to decorate the tree. He loved pulling out old ornaments he and Rory made in primary school or with the family. They only had a few since their pop refused to let them all go, but with each one Flora saw, she was squealing and needed the story behind it.

He smiled as he thought about himself as a kid. He remembers Christmas being magical for his family, and he really thinks he’ll feel that again this year.

“Is this an ornament?” Flora furrowed her eyebrows as she saw a small white box by Cameron’s feet.

“Oh, uh,” Cameron panicked as he picked it up before she could and immediately looked around to make sure Rory and Emerson were nowhere near them.

Luckily, he didn’t see them at all, not in the living room or the kitchen. So the blue-eyed lad took the perfect opportunity to shakily pass her the box.

“It’s uhm, it’s a gift for you,” Cameron said with a nervous smile, using all of his power to push his nerves down as she took it. “This isn’t your main gift, but it’s actually perfect timing to give it to you now.”

“Not my main gift?” Flora raised her eyebrows at him with a fond smile. “Cam, we agreed on one.”

“Well, this is a gift for me, too,” Cameron said softly before taking a step closer so he could rest a hand on her hip. “Plus, you should know better than thinking I’d only get you one gift,” he scoffed.

Flora hummed as her dimples appeared, her heart skipping a beat as she stood on her toes to kiss him. “Thank you,” she whispered, and couldn’t stop her giggle as Cameron tapped the box impatiently.

The blue-eyed lad had to physically stop himself from bouncing on his heels anxiously. Cameron knew his grip tightened on Flora as she opened the box, and as the seconds passed, he grew nervous but surprisingly more excited.

“What’s this?” Flora smiled as she pulled out a glass star-shaped ornament.

But once it was fully revealed, her eyes were shining. She saw a picture of her and Cameron in the glass. He was standing behind her with his arms around her as he kissed her cheek, and she grinned widely at the camera. It was one of Flora’s favorite pictures of them, and seeing the engraving saying Our First Christmas made her heart soar.

“Cam,” she barely whispered, looking up at him for only a second before her eyes were back on the ornament. “This is amazing. Thank you,” Flora said before wrapping him in a tight hug.

Cameron could see how much she loved it, and her smiling so much made his eyes crinkle. “There’s uh- there’s something on the back, too,” he tried to say evenly, but he was sure his nerves were obvious.

Flora slightly furrowed her eyebrows as she turned the glass star around, only for her jaw to go slack as she saw another engraving. In a world full of darkness, you are my guiding light. With every smile you bring, my universe feels just right. If I had a star for every time you made my day so bright, I'd have a galaxy so grand, shining with such delight. So keep your hand in mine, and let our love ignite. Together, we'll light up the sky, our own galaxy in sight. So I ask you now, with all my heart, will you be my girlfriend, my love, my part?

Cameron kept his eyes on her as he bit his lip, her staying silent as she stared at the ornament. “So uh, y-yeah, I uh-” he scratched the back of his neck, hating how fast his heart was racing. “I-I’m sorry it took me so long to ask, and I get it if you-” Cameron was shocked as he was tugged down for a hard kiss, the simple action wiping away a good amount of his anxiety.

“I love it, I- oh my God,” Flora rushed out before connecting their lips again and making Cameron laugh against her. “Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! Cam, this is beautiful!” She hugged the ornament to her chest.

Cameron was relieved, knowing his smile was blinding as he wrapped his arms around her tightly and stole another kiss. “You had me scared for a second,” he chuckled.

“Sorry, I’m just- I’m shocked,” Flora still wasn’t over the feeling. “This is gorgeous and so thoughtful and not even my main gift and-”

“And let it happen,” Cameron grinned down at her before pecking her nose. “Welcome to being with me.”

“You’re wonderful,” Flora breathed out, even after months of knowing him, not believing how much.

“Hey, we’re gonna- oh, uh, sorry,” Rory walked in with Emerson and quickly felt like he was interrupting something.

“Look what Cam got me!” Flora shrieked before rushing for the pair and showing them the glass ornament.

Rory was entertained by seeing how excited she was, but he quickly felt his jaw drop as Flora passed him the gift. “Cam! Damn, dude! Aw, oh my God, the back!” He was squealing almost as much as Flora as he read it. “Well, ya can’t say no to that, huh?” Rory joked to the green-eyed girl.

“You are so freaking cute-”

“Emerson, you know I hate being called cute,” Cameron huffed, feeling his face go bright red.

“You are. Get over it,” Emerson rolled their eyes and chuckled before their gaze set on Rory. “The Tomlinson men make falling in love easy,” they smiled softly at him.

Rory grinned back at them. Since Emerson has been back, he has been continuously reminded of their fun antics and warmth. “Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is special,” he said quietly before stealing a kiss.

Emerson hummed, needing to give him one more peck before looking at Flora. “Have fun tonight. It was really nice to finally meet you,” they smiled at her before wrapping her in a hug. “Safe travels to Spain, and Happy Christmas.”

“Thank you, Happy Christmas.” Flora hugged them back and barely let Emerson go before Rory swooped in and hugged her tightly. “Wow, you’re an energetic guy,” she laughed.

“I’m just really happy,” Rory breathed out as he grinned. “Just- just happy for you and Cam. Like- he really is the best guy and so brilliant, and you’re brilliant, and he’d give you the world if he could-”

“Mate,” Cameron had to stop his twin, knowing he was a second away from going into an excited ramble.

“Sorry,” Rory said sheepishly as he let go of Flora.

He peeked at Cameron, seeing he was a bit away by the tree, and took the opportunity with Flora’s back to his brother to pass her something.

Flora furrowed her eyebrows as she took what was the smallest envelope she’d ever seen.

In case there’s an emergency, use this. Don’t open it until you’re home, Rory signed before offering her a small smile. “Alright, bye guys. Have a fun night,” he said, taking Emerson’s hand before heading out of the flat.

Flora was a little confused as she looked at the envelope, but it was small enough to fit in her pocket, so that’s where it went for the time being.

“Finally,” Cameron jokingly groaned as soon as he heard the front door shut.

“They’re both great,” Flora said happily before walking over to where Cameron was by the tree and looking for a spot to put her ornament. “They seem to have fun together.”

“They do,” Cameron said with a small smile. “It uhm, ya know, with the Drag Race rumors, it wasn’t so good for a little, but they’re getting better every day,” he fondly watched as his girlfriend carefully picked a place to hang her gift. “Did you wanna order food or get your other gifts?”

“Gifts? As in plural?” Flora needed to make sure she heard that right and scowled as she saw Cameron sweetly nodding.

“Well, like- one gift, but I dunno, maybe seven sub-gifts?” He shrugged, not knowing how he could explain it.

“Seven?! Cameron!” Flora looked at him wide-eyed.

The blue-eyed lad’s cheeks went hot, feeling like he was about to get yelled at. And for some reason, that got him smiling. “I have a busy brain, and you’ve been the main focus. I had to get it out somehow.”

Flora didn’t know what to say, now truly understanding what Rory meant earlier when he said Cameron comes up with wild surprises. She already knew, but seeing it was a clear trait and not just a way to win her over made Flora fall for Cameron that much more.

“Let’s give presents and then order dinner. I’m giving you mine first,” Flora giddily grabbed the gift bag from under the tree.

Cameron’s smile reached his eyes as he followed Flora to the couch and took a seat. She was clearly excited, and there was no hiding it, he was more than curious as to what she could’ve gotten him.

“You may need to rearrange your desk a little, but I think you’ll love it,” Flora fidgeted as Cameron started pulling out tissue paper.

“I already love it because it’s from you. Relax, love,” Cameron chuckled before pecking her lips, feeling her anxiety.

His fond smile only grew as he saw her let out a deep breath and nod before he reached into the bag for the gift. At the weight, Cameron had to use both hands, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity as he pulled out a box.

“Whoa, babe, what the- what the hell is this?” He was frozen as he saw what looked like a beat and mixing board.

“It uh, it’s like for music production,” Flora smiled as she saw his eyes scanning along the features. “There’s a looper and a ton of different modes and drum options, and- honestly, I don’t know, music stuff,” she laughed timidly. “I asked my audio engineer friend, Lacey, for a recommendation.”

“This is insane,” Cameron shook his head, the more he read about it, the more he was aching to try it out. “I love it, and I can’t wait to use it. Thank you so much,” he said before putting the box off to the side so he could hug her. “It’s going to make writing you songs a lot easier,” he chuckled.

“Are you going to record them?” Flora asked with a hopeful smile.

Cameron felt his pulse pick up, but he was grinning and loving every heart-skipping moment. “Do you wanna go to my room? Your gift is in there,” he averted her question, knowing it would be answered soon.

“My gift is in the bedroom?” Flora raised an eyebrow with a small smirk.

“Love, please behave,” Cameron said through a shaky laugh. “At least until I give you your present. Then after, please, do whatever you want with me.” he felt his stomach erupt as he saw Flora’s cheeks go pink, but he was on a mission and couldn’t get distracted right now.

Cameron reached for her hand and led her to his room. With each step, he felt his heart pounding faster and faster, but there was no doubt in his mind that Flora would love what he came up with.

“C’mere,” he squeezed her hand before sitting at his computer chair and patting his lap.

Cameron could see she was completely lost as to what was going on, but he laughed as she happily sat on him. His pulse was racing, and his stomach was in knots, but Flora wrapping her arms around his neck and cuddling into his chest definitely helped calm his nerves.

“So uh, I’m sorry, there’s really nothing to unwrap,” Cameron said through a nervous smile as he pulled up Spotify on his computer. “But I want you to type something in for me.”

Flora furrowed her eyebrows as he pointed to the keyboard. “Type what in?” She asked before sitting up a little.

“U-uhm,” he had to breathe for a second and push past his anxiety. “Put in ‘For Flora’.”

“In Spotify?” Flora’s eyes lit up, and quickly went to type it in.

Cameron watched her fondly, holding onto the green-eyed girl a little tighter as it popped up.

“Oh my gosh! Your name!” Flora was shocked as she saw the album come up with Cameron as the artist. “Babe, what the hell did you do?” Her smile was blinding as she clicked on it but froze as seven songs popped up under the album. “Cam…”

“I got busy,” Cameron chuckled as she stared at the computer, shocked. “I wrote and recorded everything with some help from my little sister.”

Flora opened and closed her mouth, not knowing what to say, as she looked between him and the seven songs. “You wrote all of these?”

“Well,” Cameron shrugged as he laughed quietly and pointed to the song “Unchained Melody” on the screen. “I didn’t write that one, just covered it. It’s a song from the 60’s and I just- I thought you’d like it. It’s really gorgeous.”

“Oh my God, I need to listen to all of these,” Flora’s chest was warm, not believing he wrote so many songs and just for her. “Cam, this is amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much,” she rushed out before wrapping him in a tight hug. “Can you play one right now? Which is your favorite?”

Even after showing her the songs, Cameron was still nervous. He felt like he had put his soul into these, and knowing she would truly hear him was terrifying. But being vulnerable with Flora has always worked in his favor; he had to have hope that she would like them.

“I have two favorites,” he said bashfully. “I wrote ‘Shelter’ after our first kiss so that one has a special place in my heart,” Cameron felt his cheeks going warm under Flora’s fond gaze. “But I also love ‘Without Fear’,” he said quietly.” I uh- well, I dunno, it just kind of reminds me to live courageously with you.”

“Can you play them?” Flora’s eyes were shining.

“Sure. Here-”

“No,” Flora stopped him from clicking on a song. “Like, play them,” she pointed to his instruments.

Cameron swallowed thickly, a sudden rush of nerves washing over him. “If I play one, you’ll make me play the album,” he tried to joke.

“Probably,” Flora shrugged as she smiled. “But please, I want to watch you play.”

Cameron had to roll his eyes fondly as he saw her giving him her puppy dog look. “I can’t say no to you,” he muttered through a grin before squeezing her hip to get her off his lap.

Flora giddily got up and was nearly jumping as Cameron walked over to his piano.

“C’mere you,” Cameron chuckled as he waved her over and made space on the piano bench for her to sit with him. “If we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it right,” he said as soon as Flora sat beside him and reached for her hand.

Flora furrowed her eyebrows, but quickly, a soft smile came over her as her boyfriend put her hand on his chest and adjusted his arm so he could play. “Are you okay?” She asked carefully, feeling his heart pounding.

“I’m good,” the blue-eyed lad said through a heavy breath. “I just hope what you hear is decent.”

“I’ve heard you before, and you’re incredible,” Flora kissed his cheek, loving how quickly he smiled down at her. “With you being you I’m sure I’ll cry. Happy tears of course,” she laughed.

Cameron tried to control his breathing, hoping his nerves wouldn’t make him mess up. “I uhm, I wrote this as soon as I got home from the park,” he was grinning gently just thinking about their first kiss. “Despite it being freezing you were happy and smiling so much and just-... Beautiful,” Cameron said quietly, his eyes crinkling as he pictured Flora that night. “It feels like you have a specially reserved smile just for me, and-... And even on the days I’m not 100% myself, that smile is there… That smile that gives me shelter,” Cameron tried to explain his fast-moving thoughts. “I really hope I make you feel like that, too.”

He hadn’t even begun the song, and Flora felt pressure behind her eyes, seeing and feeling Cameron's affection for her. “You do,” she didn’t even have to think. “Cam, you’re everything and more.”

That definitely helped his nerves some. He hated to think he was being too emotional and diving too deep. And he had to kiss her, to feel that rush of calm every time their lips were together. He was sure Flora could feel his heavy heartbeat, but he loved the touch and how she held onto him a little tighter. It was reassuring and relieving, and as his girlfriend kept kissing him, he felt his thoughts slowing down.

“Are you gonna let me play it or keep snogging me?” Cameron teased, noticing she wouldn’t let him go.

“Shut up. It’s really hard not to kiss you,” Flora rolled her eyes as she smiled. “Go ahead. No more distractions.”

Cameron’s eyes were crinkling before he looked down to the piano keys and felt Flora’s had adjust on his chest. He took a moment to breathe, and as soon as he was ready he let his fingers gently play.

He glanced at Flora as he started, her eyes trained on his hands and a gentle smile coming over her. Already, she was entranced, and it made a wave of solace crash over him before he opened his mouth to sing.

So step inside,

‘Cause that night is cold, it don’t deserve such a smile

And it’s not enough,

For it to show up every once in a while

It was so easy to picture their first kiss a month ago at the park as he sang, and there was no stopping his smile seeing the same girl with nothing but fondness behind her eyes with him now.

In the moonlight, I should,

Kiss you at Samhain, throw it all down

Cameron felt Flora smiling into his shoulder, her head resting on him, feeling too comforting.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

To kill the guard, open the gates for feelings unbound

He took in a deep breath, his own grin appearing as he thought about the words, and picked up his piano playing.

But I’ve been keeping hope

And I’ve got a fairytale in my heart, I can cope

And I’ve been keeping hope

Bet they had you in mind when naming the rose

Cameron felt Flora’s hand grow heavier on his chest, and loved as he glanced down at her that she was already looking at him with a watery smile. Her expression was everything to him, her eyes shining and dimples prominent as he grew louder.

Only know ‘bout how I won’t be here later

Don’t forget ‘bout how she had you feeling major

He tried to write down how he felt ‘bout the girl

Kept running out of paper. He’ll wait for her

He knows sometimes he’s not himself; he’s a shell. It felt like he had to remind Flora every once in a while, and Cameron was terrified for the day he’d shut down. It’s not an “if it happens”; it’s a given with him. But Flora always told him she’d be there; she knew who he really was.

The piano took over the room, and Cameron played the instrument as if he were trying to get her to hear his heart—to hear its beat as he thought about her, to hear how she made a warm and steady rush go through him.

With the green-eyed girl, his heart soars. Cameron doesn’t know what else to do besides try to play how he feels. And it seemed Flora understood. As his fingers glided along the keys, he heard her small sniffle. The noise made Cameron look down at her, but he smiled as soon as he saw Flora wiping her wet cheeks and laughing at herself.

She’s the girl for him—honest, silly, loving, understanding.

He was feeling fucking awesome

Be a good man like you taught him

Don’t get caught up in caution when love exists

Cameron smiled at the thought of love. The word had a completely different meaning to him now; his last relationship couldn’t compare. He knew he was falling in love—for real this time.

So, step inside,

‘Cause that night is cold, it don’t deserve such a smile

We’ll be alright

I could never lie about caring a lot

Flora smiled brightly as his voice boomed through the room before his fingers were hard along the keys. Her eyes were glued to his hands as the piano took over, and as he continued playing, Flora was in awe at what he had come up with. This is the man she’s lucky enough to call her’s.

“S-so uh, yeah, that’s what- mmph,” Cameron went wide-eyed, as soon as he finished playing, Flora tugged him down for a hard kiss.

With how heavily she pressed their lips together, he needed to hold back a groan. In seconds she made sure there was no room between them, and Cameron was just as fast to wrap his arms around her tightly.

“So you liked it?” Cameron chuckled before attaching their lips again and smiling as he felt her hum against him.

“Loved it,” Flora corrected and felt her heart race as Cameron moved to kiss her neck. “I feel like tonight is my real Christmas. The actual holiday won’t compare,” she said, making Cameron meet her eyes. “I’m really going to miss you.”

“I finally got a girlfriend, and she’s leaving me already,” Cameron fake pouted, making Flora playfully eye him. “I’m gonna miss you, too, love,” he said softly before tugging her so she was nearly on his lap. “But we have tonight. I’m not wasting it sulking.”

Flora’s dimples appeared, his loving expression melting her to her core. All she wanted to do was kiss him, and the longer they looked at each other, the worse the feeling got. Fora couldn’t wait for Cameron, and made the move herself to connect their lips.

The blue-eyed lad’s heart was pounding at how wantingly she was kissing him. In seconds, her fingers were running through his hair, and the touch had his pulse spike. But Cameron swore all the air in his lungs escaped as Flora moved to straddle him.

“Oh shit,” Cameron gulped as he pulled away from her, but Flora’s lips couldn’t stay off him and moved to his neck, making his stomach erupt.

For the first time in too long, he was terrified that hooking up with someone mattered. And this wasn’t just anyone; this was Flora, his now-girlfriend, and this had to go right.

“Is that offer to do whatever I please with you still on the table?” Flora joked before leaning in to kiss the shocked look off his face.

But the expression couldn’t leave Cameron, and he swore his jaw completely dropped as the green-eyed girl rolled her hips on top of his. “U-uhm, yeah, yeah,” he swallowed thickly and nodded.

And as soon as he did, Flora’s lips were back on his in a hard kiss that immediately made him moan. Cameron could feel it; she wanted him, and there was no denying he’s been just as desperate for this time together.

Kissing Flora is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to. There was an addictive headrush and warmth that crashed over him, but then she started grinding down on him, and his stomach was on fire. Cameron felt her everywhere and refused to let go of their kiss as his hands ran along her.

She was pressing their lips together heavily, and Cameron couldn’t help but let a noise slip as he suddenly grabbed Flora’s thighs and wrapped them around him before standing up with her.

“Oh my gosh,” she gasped as she heard the piano bench fall against the floor but quickly laughed at the sudden position change. “You’re strong.”

“You’re tiny,” Cameron rolled his eyes before connecting their lips again and blindly heading for his bed.

Once his knees hit the mattress, he tossed Flora onto the bed playfully, making a startled giggle escape her.

“See? Tiny,” Cameron smirked before crawling on the bed and hovering over her.

“Throw me around as much as you want in the bedroom, muscle man,” Flora chuckled and laughed even harder as her boyfriend groaned before connecting their lips. “Speaking of muscles, get this off.”

Cameron’s cheeks went red as she tugged off his shirt. This was the second time she’d seen him. It felt just as nerve-wracking as the first, but Flora's look of want was just the same. Tonight was clearly different, though. He knew there was no way in hell they were just snogging.

Cameron has been aching for this time with Flora, but there were too many voices screaming at him that she would be done with him if this didn’t go well. But he was able to silence them. The longer she kissed him, the faster her hands ran along his skin, the more Cameron knew she felt what he did. The absolute need and want of the other and the blue-eyed lad was riding the high.

This is a feeling he gets to go back to time and time again. He was inspired and felt wanted, felt hope, and those were things he missed terribly for the longest time. But it’s back, and Cameron dreamed he could stay like this. The thought of things going dark for him again was terrifying, but he knew Flora knew how to care for his heart. He didn’t need to worry about heartache with her.

Tomorrow- Rory POV

Rory yawned, his eyes barely fluttering open as he tried to stretch in bed. But something kept him down, and when he fully opened his eyes, he smiled, seeing Emerson sleeping on him.

This was a sight he truly missed. His partner has been home for a week, and things are definitely on the upswing for them. Granted, last night, while they were on their date, the paparazzi were atrocious and followed them everywhere.

Rory knew their drama wouldn’t magically disappear in the public eye, but he hated seeing anyone with a camera near them. It was just a reminder of what had happened, and Rory felt like his angered feelings towards the situation resurfaced.

But Emerson has been wonderful; they’ve been their usual self and more, and Rory couldn’t ask for anything else.

“My love,” he whispered as he rubbed his hand up and down their back. “Baby, c’mon,” Rory said as he heard Emerson mumbling against his chest.

“Why do you always insist on waking me up when you do?” Emerson huffed, refusing to open their eyes.

“Because you always sleep on me,” Rory snorted. “I can’t make you breakfast if I’m stuck in bed.”

Emerson barely picked their head up before sleepily smiling at their boyfriend. “You do make me really good breakfasts,” they mumbled before reluctantly rolling off him. “You’re being quite generous. First last night, now this morning with breakfast.”

Rory smirked as he laid on his side to face them and held his head up with his hand. “Well, I feel like you need a good meal after last night,” he murmured. “You took it like a champ.”

Emerson shoved their bright red face into the pillow as Rory chuckled. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” the blue-eyed lad said quietly before kissing their hair and running a hand along their shoulders. “I missed us.”

Emerson turned to face him, their expression soft as they nodded and melted under his touch. “Do you know how much I love you?” They whispered.

“I hope a lot,” Rory said through a timid chuckle.

Emerson’s small smile faltered when hearing that, though. Once upon a time, Rory, with no hesitation, would simply say, “a lot.” But there were nerves now, and it was so different for Emerson to see the most confident person they knew chipped. They caused it, and it was heartbreaking.

“I love you so much,” Emerson whispered as they met his blue eyes and carefully carded their fingers through his feathery hair. “I’m sorry I’ve made you question it,” the words barely came out.

Rory bit his lip, and he hated that his eyes darted to the top drawer of his desk. Their future was in there, and the ring was a constant reminder of where they could be right now. He didn’t know when he would be ready or how much time would pass before he felt confident taking that step. But the ring is ready when he is.

“We’re coming out stronger together,” Rory said with a gentle smile before pecking their nose. “There’s a part of me falling in love with you all over again.”

Emerson grinned back at him, their heart skipping a beat as they tugged Rory down by the nape of his neck to connect their lips. And they loved Rory’s chuckle as he hovered over them, the sound too calming to Emerson.

Rory was going to give his partner a few pecks, but Emerson refused to let him go. The longer they kept their lips together, the more Rory tried not to smile.

“Trying to get lucky again?” He teased as his hand ran along his partner’s thigh.

“You can’t blame me with the way you throw it in,” Emerson smirked, and only grew more proud as they saw their boyfriend go bright red. “I never knew I could miss someone’s grunts.”

“Babe,” Rory groaned bashfully as he hid his face against Emerson’s chest, knowing they were teasing him. “I get enough shit from Cam. I don’t need you to add to it.”

“Hopefully, Flora had her hearing aids off,” Emerson chuckled.

“I missed you, and we haven’t had sex in forever. Sue me for being loud,” Rory huffed before throwing himself on the bed next to them.

Emerson rolled their eyes fondly. “You’re always loud,” they smiled. “Personally I love it.”

“Well, you might, but my neighbor down the hall doesn’t,” Rory laughed quietly. “I wonder if Flora is still here.”

Flora and Cameron weren’t in sight when they came home last night, but his twin’s door was closed. Rory knew better than to knock or snoop, and he had no problem taking Emerson right to his room.

“It’s morning, am I allowed to peek inside his room?” Rory asked, but he already knew what he wanted to do.

“Go ahead, creep,” Emerson rolled their eyes adoringly, seeing the curiosity behind his eyes.

Rory almost jumped out of bed and threw on shorts over his boxers in case Flora was still here. He was a little too giddy as he tip-toed down the hall and carefully headed for Cameron’s room.

As quietly as possible, he turned the doorknob, knowing he was being snoopy, but he was curious. And he was so happy he decided to snoop, needing to slap a hand over his mouth and not scream as he saw the older girl cuddling her brother in bed.

Rory gently closed the door again and nearly sprinted down the hall. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” He whisper cheered before crashing into his bedroom. “Flora slept over!” He said in a rush, making Emerson jump in bed. “My man totally got some action!”

“Babe, little voice. It’s too early,” Emerson yawned before their boyfriend came to sit on the bed. “Besides, how do you know anything happened?”

“Did you see the way she looks at him? She was ready for Cam to jump her as soon as she got here,” Rory scoffed.

Emerson hummed, finding it adorable just how gone the two were for each other. “I have a good feeling about her.”

“Me too,” Rory smiled honestly. “Since you’re up, do you wanna help with breakfast for the four of us?”

“I’m only up because of you,” Emerson groaned.

This is what Rory does. He wakes them up and continuously talks or distracts Emerson while they try to get back to sleep. But truthfully, Emerson can’t complain. Their mornings are some of their favorite times together.

“I did miss you feeding me fruit while we make breakfast,” Emerson grinned before sitting up in bed and stretching.

“I’ll even throw in Nutella with your strawberries,” Rory chuckled as he got Emerson pajama pants and a shirt, knowing that was their kryptonite.

“My man knows what my heart wants,” Emerson happily took the clothes.

Rory checked the time, hoping Cameron and Flora wouldn’t sleep in too late so he could ask about their night and how their gift exchange went. He would like to talk to Flora a little more, considering she was officially dating his brother.

He was distracted as they made breakfast, continuously checking the kitchen doorway for them to walk in.

“Hey, love.”

Rory turned his head to look at Emerson, but quickly grimaced as his cheek turned into his partner’s fingers covered in pancake batter. “Babe!” He shrieked.

“You’ve been whisking eggs for 10 minutes!” Emerson laughed as they pointed to the bowl in his hand.

“Oh, did you want my attention instead?” Rory asked as he reached into the bowl and pinched some of the pancake flour before blowing it in Emerson’s face.

Emerson’s jaw dropped before a slow smile came over them, and they dipped their entire hand into the batter.

“No!!” Rory quickly yelled before scampering away. “Emerson, I swear to God, no!” He shrieked as they followed right after him to the other side of the kitchen.

“What, the famous Tommo is scared he won’t be able to get away?” Emerson teased as they tried to corner him.

Rory tried to be fast on his feet and skirt past his partner, but Emerson hooked out their arm and tugged him into them before slathering his face in batter. He swore he let out a yell, and Emerson was laughing just as loud.

“You’re such a menace!” Rory smiled as he wiped some off his cheek, only to put it on Emerson’s forehead.

Emerson tried to snatch his hand, but Rory was quick and bent down, ready to pick them up by their waist to throw them over his shoulder. But Emerson recognized the move too fast, and the only thing they could do to stop Rory was throw themselves to the floor so he couldn’t pick them up.

Rory let out a surprised yelp as Emerson toppled and he ended up falling on top of them just as he was about to grab them. As soon as the pair were on the ground, they let out belting laughs, Rory barely able to hold himself up over his partner.

“Fuck, I love you,” Rory chuckled as he shook his head.

Emerson smiled up at him, their boyfriend covered in batter and his eyes shining. “I love you too.”

Rory missed this, these moments. And as he leaned down to connect their lips it felt relieving that times like this weren’t over. No matter what, they’ll always get up to nonsense. Every day, they’re getting back to them.

“Guys, what’s with all the yell- Oh! C’mon!” Cameron groaned as he walked into the kitchen and saw it was a mess, as well as the two on the floor.

Flora tiredly shuffled in behind him but woke right up as she saw the scene in front of her.

“Hey, uh, good morning,” Rory quickly shuffled off Emerson and helped them up. “Ya know, we just uh-... Usual breakfast antics,” he shrugged sheepishly.

Cameron rolled his eyes, walking in on sights like this too many times. That’s part of the reason he’s not a morning person.

“So, how was your guys’ night?” Rory tried to push past the awkwardness.

But he felt like he didn’t help it at all though as he saw Flora and Cameron nervously look at each other with bright red faces.

“U-uhm, good,” Cameron said shakily with a timid smile as he kept his eyes on Flora and saw her just as shy. “Really uh- yeah, really, really good,” he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.

Rory raised an eyebrow as he saw Flora bite her lip to hide her smile as she nodded. “Nice. Did you wanna stay for breakfast, Flora?” He asked before starting to clean up a bit so they could keep cooking.

“I’d love to but I actually have to finish packing before I leave tonigh,” Flora said a little sadly.

Last night Cameron held himself together well, but he woke up hating to say goodbye. Especially after last night, the last thing he wants is time apart from Flora.

“Well, it was nice seeing you,” Rory smiled at her. “Have a happy holiday.”

“Thanks,” Flora grinned back at him and Emerson before slightly waving and feeling Cameron take her hand to lead her to the door. “I don’t want to go,” she muttered as they walked through the living room.

“I don’t want you to either,” Cameron breathed out, the walk to the door feeling painful. “But it’s important you see your parents,” he offered her a small smile. “Make sure to brag about your boyfriend.”

“There’s a lot to brag about,” Flora said softly as they got to the door and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I know I’ll spend the entire week and a half talking about you.”

Cameron loved how proud she was and wanted to show him off. He tugged her into his chest, for a moment breathing her in and soaking in his last few minutes with her.

“I had a really great time last night,” he whispered.

“Me too,” Flora smiled and barely pulled away to look at him. “This morning, too.”

Cameron felt his cheeks go warm as he saw her smirk, them not going to sleep until well past 3 am. “I feel like I’ll need a week and a half just to refuel after what you put me through,” he laughed bashfully.

Flora hid her giggle against his chest, relishing having his arms so tight around her. “Please, just- call me and text me. Don’t disappear,” she said quietly.

“I won’t disappear,” Cameron assured her, kissing her head. “Remember, love, I’m not like other guys. I can be quite overbearing at times,” he chuckled to lighten the mood.

The green-eyed girl looked up at him and smiled as she nodded. “I know you’re different. In so many wonderful ways,” she said gently before carding her fingers through his hair. “One last kiss before I go. Make it a good one.”

Cameron let out a small laugh at her challenge and didn’t even think before holding her so tight he picked her up a little as he pressed their lips together. Flora was smiling against him as she cupped his cheeks and kissed him back.

He didn’t want to let her go. Cameron wanted to live in this moment forever, in the peace they surrounded themselves with. Kissing Flora always felt like slow motion, but he wanted this kiss even slower. He wanted her to stay right here with him.

It felt impossible to pull away, and Flora was the one to, knowing Cameron wouldn’t.

“I gotta go, love,” she said quietly as her thumb rubbed along his cheek.

Cameron hated nodding, it taking all of his power to let go of her. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Cam,” Flora looked at him softly. “But I’m just a call away, anytime.”

“Same goes for me,” Cameron offered her a small smile.

Saying goodbye felt painful, and after the night they’d had, it was hard to walk away and be separated. But it had to be done, and even after Flora left the flat, Cameron stood in the doorway and watched her head to the lift. He didn’t close the door until she got on and wasn’t in sight anymore.

“You alright?” Rory asked as his twin slumped into the kitchen.

“Yeah, just uh- it sucks,” Cameron shrugged and threw himself into one of the breakfast bar stools. “Last night was like a dream,” the tiniest smile came over him. “And now she’s gone.”

“She’ll be back, mate,” Rory sent him a reassuring grin before looking back to the eggs cooking on the stove. “I’m happy last night was so special.”

“It was,” Cameron grinned. “It really was.”

Rory glanced over at Emerson, silently asking if he should press for information. And, like always, Emerson encouraged him.

“So uh, what did you guys get up to after we left?” He asked casually.

“Oh uh, ya know,” Cameron shrugged as he slightly cleared his throat. “We gave each other gifts, and uhm, I played a song for her off the album I wrote, and she loved it and uh, yeah… And uh, well, later in the night, we ordered dinner, and after, she asked me to learn this one song, and I sang it to her. She said she’s had it on repeat for weeks and always thinks of me,” he smiled as he thought back to them sitting on his bed as he played guitar.

“You totally got laid, didn’t you?” Rory smirked, but Emerson quickly nudged him.

Cameron immediately felt his face burning, but if there were anyone he could tell, it would be his twin. “Yeah, uh, a couple of times.”

“What?!” Rory shrieked, making Emerson and Cameron wince. “Cam, holy shit! She just couldn’t get enough of ya, huh?”

Cameron was mortified but also a little proud, trying to hide his laugh. “I learned pretty quickly singing to her is a turn-on.”

Rory scoffed. “I’ll say. What, did ya play the entire album you wrote her?” He joked, only for his twin to smugly shrug.

“Most of it,” Cameron murmured, thinking back to how Flora would jump him every few songs.

“Do you feel good?” Rory asked as he put a plate of food in front of his brother. “Like, was it okay sharing everything her?”

“It was great. I mean, she is.” Cameron knew she was, but he felt constantly reminded. “It’s easy to be me with her.”

Rory glanced at Emerson, and sure enough his partner had the same proud expression he did. “We’re really happy for you, mate,” he said before grabbing plates and sitting with him at the bar. “Can uh, can I ask you something?”

“So long as it’s not disgusting,” Cameron said before taking a bite of his food.

Rory bit his lip, not thinking it was disgusting, but it was important. “Have you been tested?” He asked, making his twin slowly look at him. “Ya know, after you’re uh- well, ya slept around a bit.”

“I got tested after all of them,” Cameron muttered before eating another bite.

That was definitely a relief to Rory. For too long, he was terrified his brother wasn’t being careful. “Does Flora know about that? Like, what was going on before you guys met?”

Cameron was quiet as he chewed and barely shook his head. “Not that part.”

Rory could tell by Cameron’s tone that he didn’t want her to, and he didn’t blame him. “Well, you really scored big,” he offered his twin a smile. “She’s amazing, and I know pop and dad are gonna love her.”

“You know at family dinner this week, they’ll be asking a million questions,” Emerson laughed, already picturing it.

“Oh, uh, babe,” Rory said quietly, forgetting about his dad's text yesterday. “My parents asked it just be family this Sunday,” he bit his lip, knowing his partner was looking forward to seeing everyone. “I guess Cody has to talk to us about something.”

“What’s that all about?” Cameron asked, their parents being very vague in their text.

“I dunno,” Rory shrugged, hating to see the flash of disappointment in Emerson’s face. “TJ is already pregnant so not quite sure what else he’s got up his sleeve.”

“Another company,” Cameron laughed, that being the only other option.

His attention was taken away as his phone went off, and saw he got a text from Flora that she made it home. Simply seeing her name made him smile, but a moment later he got an Instagram notification that his girlfriend tagged him in something.

Cameron furrowed his eyebrows and tapped on the banner to open the app. As soon as Flora's post popped up, he felt his heart stop.

Flora_Mata: Find a man who sings to you @Cam_Tommo2 ❣️

It was a video of him playing guitar and singing the song she asked him to learn. He didn’t even know she had recorded him, but he loved looking at it and seeing all the glances he stole at Flora, loved seeing how much he was smiling.

“Is that you?” Rory leaned over to peer at his phone, hearing his brother singing. “Shit dude, you sound good.”

“I better, considering she posted it to thousands of followers,” Cameron chuckled as he rubbed a hand over his face.

He doesn’t know if he’ll get used to being with someone who so openly brags about him. In his mind, there’s not much to brag about. But it’s as if Flora sees a whole other person.

“And your millions more will find it real quick,” Rory laughed, knowing any Tomlinson news was top news. “Get ready for articles, mate.”

Cameron couldn’t care less about the articles. His eyes were locked on the video, and he was smiling, thinking about how much last night meant to Flora. It meant just as much to him, and he wasn’t scared to tell her.

Cam_Tommo2: @Flora_Mata I'll be the shield to protect you, the sword to fight for you, if you'll be the light to guide me through ❤️

Cameron was on the right path. Despite Flora going away, he was feeling great. The blue-eyed lad was seeing that bright light at the end of the tunnel all too clearly now. And he was chasing after it.

Chapter Text

Mid-December

Harry was walking through the house, checking to make sure every room was tidy, with Dezzy following after him. He may have done this twice already, but he needed to do something to calm down. When he walked into the living room, though, he froze two steps in, seeing Cody had come down from sleeping and was on the couch staring off into space.

“Hey, buddy,” Harry said softly as he headed over to sit with him. “Are you guys settled in okay?”

“Yeah, TJ unpacked our things while I slept,” Cody bit his lip, even as long as he slept, he wanted to be back in bed. “I did see my new loo, though, thank you,” he laughed quietly.

“You’re welcome,” Harry smiled. “Your dad and I thought a jacuzzi tub would be nice. You know, to help TJ with pain, or uhm, you.”

Cody glanced at his pop and hated the immediate heaviness. Moving in this morning, he felt it; the overwhelming shock of his reality.

“How’re you feeling?” Harry asked carefully.

“Weak,” Cody muttered as he shook his head. “Weak physically, weak as a father, weak as a husband and-”

“Stop it,” Harry couldn’t stand to hear that. “Love, you-... You’re sick,” saying it was heartbreaking, but it was true. “You’re strong for going through this and fighting it,” he squeezed his shoulder.

Cody had to look away from his father, hating how fast his chest grew tight. He didn’t want anything to fight. He didn’t want to do this. Cody hates how his body feels weaker every day, how he has no energy and can barely keep up with his kids.

“It’s just-... The girls need me, and TJ, especially right now, needs me, and I can’t do what I need to,” Cody said quietly. “For 8 years I’ve been a pillar, and it felt like I was knocked down in seconds.”

“You’ve done so much,” Harry smiled at him but felt his eyes brimming with tears. “You changed lives, fell in love, became a father and a billionaire,” he chuckled.

Behind his clouded eyes, he saw his son as the scared and nervous 6-year-old he once was. The way he fiddled with his fingers and kept his eyes on his lap was all the same as when he was a kid. But no, Cody is 26 and more scared than he’s ever been in his life.

“You’re gonna rise out of this. Like you do with everything else,” Harry had to wipe the tears off his cheek.

“I need to,” there was no other option for Cody. “I need to meet my son. I-I- need to see the girls grow up a-and-”

“You will,” Harry felt his tears rushing out as he tugged Cody in for a tight hug.

Harry couldn’t think about him not being able to do those things, and it was clear as his son cried into his shoulder that the idea petrified Cody.

The 26-year-old felt like he kept having crashes, and today was a huge one. Moving in with his parents was like a slap in the face with how serious this was. Cody was nauseous and tired, and he hated knowing how much harder it would get.

But a second later, the two heard one of the babies squeal and giggle before rushing in. Just as fast, Cody picked his head up and smiled as he saw his girl.

“Quinn Everly! My word, you are fast,” Louis came jogging in after her but froze seeing the two on the couch.

“Dada! Dada!” She rushed for Cody and scrambled to climb on his lap.

“Is everything okay?” Louis asked a little worriedly, considering he found the two crying.

“Better now,” Cody murmured before kissing Quinn’s head and hugging her to his chest. Do you know how easy it is for you to make your daddy smile?

Daddy smile! Quinn signed sloppily before reaching for her father’s cheeks and pushing them up.

Cody laughed as she squished his face. His girls always have a wonderful charm that his heart can’t help but melt at. “Where are the other terrors?” He asked his dad before kissing Quinn’s head.

“They’re all in the basement. This lil bugger tried to sneak away,” Louis smiled fondly at the 1-year-old.

Find daddy, Quinn pouted before cuddling into her father’s chest.

Cody’s smile faltered, his little girl holding onto him for dear life. He knew she missed him; all his kids did. He tried to stay off his work computer, but he couldn’t completely step away. There was always something that needed attention between the three companies. Even when Cody was with the girls and TJ, though, he was exhausted on the couch.

It broke him that he had no energy to chase them around, and Cody knew it would only worsen.

“When uhm, when is everyone coming to dinner?” Cody asked quietly, not looking forward to tonight in the slightest.

“They should be showing up any minute,” Harry said, hating to see his boy so nervous.

Cody let out a deep breath and nodded, soaking in the cuddle he was getting from Quinn for a few more minutes. But it didn’t last nearly as long as he would’ve liked before Milo perked up, hearing someone come in the house.

“Hey,” Rory smiled as he and Cameron walked into the living room. “Did we beat everyone? That never happens.”

“Hey, boys,” Louis chuckled, usually the twins were the last to show up. “What’s going on, viral superstar?”

Cameron’s face went red as his dad clapped his shoulder and smirked at him. “You saw the video?”

“Mate, the world has at this point,” Harry laughed, his boy and Flora were all over the news. “Tomlinson scored himself a Mata,” he quoted the headline he read earlier.

“The articles really were quite cute,” Louis loved the pictures he saw of Cameron giving Flora his jersey at their game and the video of him singing.

“And you sounded great, Cam. Seriously,” Cody was shocked when his dad showed him. “So, are you guys official, or are you still dragging your feet?” He teased him.

Cameron knew his face was burning, but truthfully, he’s been loving smiling this much. “I asked her to be my girlfriend a few days ago.”

“Good on ya, mate. Congrats,” Louis grinned before wrapping his son in a tight hug. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, dad,” Cameron chuckled and hugged him back. “So, what’s going on, Cody? Pop said ya had to talk to us,” he looked at his brother, still a bit confused about what was happening.

Cody bit his lip, knowing the tightness in his chest wouldn’t subside all night. “We’ll all have a sit down after dinner,” he said quietly.

Rory furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s not a happy face,” he saw the flash of fear wash over his older brother.

“We’ll talk later, mate,” Cody muttered as he shook his head.

The twins looked at their parents, and it was impossible not to notice their worried expressions. Seeing their dad and pop, the twins looked at each other and silently shared how perplexed they were.

The room was heavy with confusion and an odd tension neither Rory nor Cameron could figure out. Even as video games were set up and the rest of their siblings showed up, there was an uncomfortable feeling in the air.

“Hey everyone,” Liam smiled as he and Sophia walked into the living room filled with his nieces and nephews. “Long time no see,” he immediately grabbed Louis to start his hugging parade.

“Hey mate,” Louis squeezed him back.

“How’ve you been?” Liam asked quietly. “Niall said tonight might get a little serious.”

Louis hummed as he let him go. “Little is a drastic understatement,” he muttered, immediately seeing his mate’s face filled with worry.

Liam glanced at Cody, knowing Niall said something was going on with their nephew. He hadn’t seen Cody for a while, and looking at him, Liam could see a few changes.

Cody was visibly exhausted, sunken into the couch with a thousand-yard stare. He had clearly lost weight, which had Liam’s brain buzzing about what could be happening.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He whispered to Louis.

The blue-eyed man looked down at his feet, an uncomfortable pressure crushing his lungs. “Telling people makes it more real,” Louis could barely say as he shook his head. “I don’t know how to have the conversation. Even with someone I’ve known for 45 years.”

Liam’s face fell, for a second, seeing the rambunctious 5-year-old Louis he met in school. But that 5-year-old turned into a man who was scared and shattered. There were only so many things that could’ve caused it.

Liam quickly looked around the living room and saw Sophia saying hi to everyone, but he had to blink back tears as he reached for Louis’ arm and tugged him into the kitchen.

“Oh, Li,” Harry smiled. “I didn’t see you come in-”

“He’s sick. Like-” Liam’s thoughts were racing as he looked between the two. “Cody, h-he-...”

Louis and Harry’s eyes met, the room immediately becoming tense as their best mate wiped his wet eyes. They knew out of anyone, Liam would be the one to catch what was happening, but there was nothing that could prepare them for it.

“Stage 2 non-small cell lung cancer,” Louis had a hard time getting the words out. “He’s been on meds to shrink the tumor for a few weeks now.”

“Guys, what the-” Liam shook his head as he rubbed a hand over his face, not believing what he was hearing.

“We’re sorry for not calling,” Harry bit his lip. “We just uhm-... It’s been hard to digest.”

Liam quickly walked over to the curly-haired man and wrapped him in a tight hug. “Don’t apologize. I mean, this is- it’s so difficult and I’m sorry. I-, w-what can I do? Does he have a team and-”

“He flew in three doctors from Germany and has been seeing them. They already came up with a treatment plan,” Harry attempted to relieve his worries.

Liam could breathe only slightly easier, but just before he was about to ask the pair how they were doing with all of this, they heard someone come into the house.

“Vas happenin’?!” Zayn came into the kitchen with a wide smile as he saw all of his mates. “I’ve missed you fuckers!”

Louis had to smile a little as Zayn crushed him, and he waved as best he could to Perrie and Elijah. “We’ve missed you guys too.”

“When you texted, I was like fuck, it’s been way too long-”

“Bad dad,” Elijah shook his head, his father telling him time and time again not to use bad words.

“No bad words is a rule for you, you policeman. Not me,” Zayn winked at the 16-year-old, making him huff. “But I’ll calm it down. I don’t need you glaring at me all night.”

“Good lad, Eli. Keep him in his place,” Louis chuckled as he went up to Elijah and loved that within seconds the teenager was ready to do their special handshake.

His heart warmed seeing Elijah so excited as they did it, and every time they did, there were smiles around the room. Louis needed it; he knew he’d only get a few genuine happy grins tonight.

“Where’s Cody?” As soon as their handshake was done Elijah was on a mission.

“Living room,” Louis chuckled, that was usually his only question.

The 16-year-old nodded and wasted no time before heading off for the other room.

“Love,” Perrie walked after her son and tapped his arm. “You’ll want these,” she laughed before handing him his headphones.

Louis watched Elijah adoringly, him humming quickly and taking them from Perrie before immediately putting them on. “He seems to be having a good night,” he said once the teenager left the room with his mum.

“He’s been so excited to see Cody and Milo, of course,” Zayn laughed fondly. “He asked me ten times today when we were leaving to come over.”

“Hey guys.”

They all perked up at Niall’s voice, seeing him and Gemma come in with small smiles.

“I’m surprised you didn’t shriek or tackle anyone,” Zayn teased him before hugging the Irish lad. “It’s been a while, mate.”

Niall looked around the room as he hugged him back and could gauge quickly that Zayn was the only one who didn’t know what brought them together. Zayn’s smile was blinding, as always when they were all together. But it was easy to see past Liam, Harry, and Louis’ half-hearted grins.

“Uhm,” Zayn furrowed his eyebrows as Niall refused to let him go and held him tightly. “You good?”

“Mhm,” Niall nodded against his shoulder and gave Zayn one more squeeze before letting go. “It’s just-... It’s been months since all five of us have been together,” he said quietly as he looked at all of his mates.

Zayn couldn’t hide his confusion. He saw Niall’s eyes go glossy, and when he glanced at Louis, Liam, and Harry, he saw their sunken expressions.

“What’s going on?”

Louis and Harry quickly looked at each other, seeing the panic behind one another’s eyes and not knowing what to do. This would be hard on everyone, but they were worried about Zayn.

“Uhm, nothing, mate,” Louis shook his head, trying to come up with an excuse. “We’ve all just missed each-”

“No, if that were the case, this one-” Zayn pointed to Niall, “would be jumping and pulling out beers. And Liam would be all giggly and hugging me, and I didn’t even get a hug. What’s going on?”

“Zayn, just-” Louis rubbed a hand over his face as he let out a deep breath. “It sucks we haven’t all been together in so long, and it’s hard not to hate the reason why we are tonight.”

The brown-eyed man looked between all of them, clearly knowing something he didn’t. “H, are you okay? Like, did you have a scare, or is something wrong?”

Harry shook his head as he bit his lip. “I’m okay.”

The green-eyed man might have said he was, but Zayn didn’t believe it. Harry didn’t look okay by any means, clearly, something was wrong.

“Hey, everyone,” Josh walked in with Zaria and sent them all a slight wave.

“No. No,” Zayn was close to mad as he saw his son-in-law and made Josh freeze. “Why aren’t you yelling and excited? Why didn’t you say “hi grandpa” to me?” Everything felt off. “What the fuck is going on?”

“Zayn, please, I can’t- just-” Louis stumbled, not wanting him to blow up, but it felt impossible. “Cody has news for everyone tonight, and it’s not- well, it’s not good.”

Zayn’s face fell, and he hated that he could see by everyone’s expressions they all knew what it was. “Is something wrong with the baby?”

“No, not the baby, not TJ. It’s Cody,” Louis said through a heavy breath.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Zayn was getting tired of asking, and when the room stayed silent, he began heading for the living room.

“No. No,” Harry rushed after him, seeing the determination behind Zayn’s eyes and knowing he would find Cody. “Please, you can’t bombard him. He’s already having a really hard time and-”

“A hard time with fucking what?! What’s going on?!” Zayn was close to terrified at this point, considering how everyone was acting.

Harry opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and he saw Louis just as lost. There was nothing he could say but the truth.

“Cody is sick,” Harry said quietly, making Zayn freeze and stare at him. “He wanted everyone together to break the news.”

“Sick? Like-...” Zayn looked between Harry and Gemma. “Like your dad?” The question barely came out.

Harry didn’t have any words; he was only able to nod and quickly saw the light go out behind his best mate’s eyes.

“Dad…” Zaria said as she carefully reached for him.

“Don’t- no, no,” Zayn pulled away and shook his head, the thought immediately overwhelmingly crushing. “Cody, no- he can’t be. H-he’s 26, and there’s a baby on the way a-and- no. Not Cody- fuck… Not Cody.”

Zayn rubbed his hands over his face, it didn’t seem possible that it could ever happen to his nephew. But the heaviness in the room was more than apparent and unable to escape from. He had to get out of there, though, and as Zayn quickly walked into the living room, he had to blink back tears.

“Love?” Perrie went up to her husband as she saw him rush in. “I heard you yelling. What’s going on?”

He was frozen, though, his eyes locking on Cody and his breath falling short when he saw his drained nephew on the couch.

“Whoa, uh, you alright, uncle Zayn?” Rosie furrowed her eyebrows as she saw him wiping tears off his cheeks.

Rory glanced over at him and quickly had to do a double-take and pause the video game, seeing his uncle breaking down. “What’s going on?” He asked worriedly, only witnessing Zayn cry once, and they were happy tears at Zaria and Josh’s wedding.

The room went silent and still, all eyes on the dark-haired man as he immediately headed for Cody and wrapped him in a strong hug.

Cody gasped as his uncle nearly fell into him, but feeling tears on his shoulder, he quickly hugged him back. “Dad and pop told you?” He whispered.

Zayn nodded as he let out a shaky breath and pulled away to cup Cody’s cheeks. “What the fuck, mate?” He still couldn’t believe it.

“What’s wrong?” Cameron asked, his nerves immediately spiking as his brother held back tears.

It felt like, within seconds, the room was filled with anxiety, and as Cameron saw Alexis trying to hide her crying, his heart dropped into his stomach.

“Someone say something, please,” he couldn’t live in the unknowing, his mind starting to race in horrible ways.

Cody sniffled as his uncle pulled away from him, and he looked at all of his siblings. TJ was trying to comfort him by rubbing his back, but there was no fixing the terrified faces he was receiving, and it broke him.

“Dad! Pop!” Rory screamed as Cody started crying into his hands.

“Daddy,” Amelia frowned and immediately pushed herself off the floor to rush for him. “Daddy, don’t cry.”

As his little girl’s arms wrapped around him, though, Cody felt his tears rushing out as he hugged her back.

“Why are you sad?” She asked quietly.

Cody tried to even his breathing, but it seemed impossible with the heavy stares set on him. “I’m just scared, love.”

“Of what?” Amelia furrowed her eyebrows at him.

Cody looked at his daughter and hated the heartache he immediately felt. As he glanced at everyone in the room, he didn’t even want to blink because them being out of sight for a second was crushing.

“I’m scared of a lot,” Cody whispered.

Louis and Harry rushed in with everyone from the kitchen and saw all the teary-eyed faces in no time.

“Did you tell them?” Louis asked, but as soon as the words came out, Cameron frustratedly pushed himself out of his seat.

“Tell us what?! Half of you are crying, and no one is saying anything!” The blue-eyed lad was close to tears himself with how scared they were making him. “Please, someone-”

“Mate,” Louis said softly as he went up to Cameron and squeezed his shoulders. “We’ll talk, yeah? Just try to breathe.”

Cameron let out a few heavy breaths, but nothing could calm his racing heart. His dad got him to sit back down, and as he did, he saw Alexis fully crying and Hayden trying to comfort her. His aunt Gemma was wiping tears away, and his uncle Liam and uncle Zayn looked seconds away from sobbing. But when Cameron’s eyes laid on his pop, uncle Niall, and Josh, his pulse stopped.

They looked shattered, heartbroken, and terrified. The constantly cheerful men were gone right now.

“I uhm, I was going to wait until after dinner to tell you uhm… Well, tell you what’s going on,” Cody could barely feel his voice, but he knew the room was hanging on his every word.”I uh… I’m sick,” he swallowed thickly, unable to look any of them in the eye. “Stage 2 lung cancer.”

Rory froze, swearing he felt his heart stop as the words sunk in. It was as if his mind went blank, completely unable to think and process.

He glanced at Cameron next to him and, within seconds, could see nothing behind his eyes. His twin was clutching his knees and barely breathing with a thousand-yard stare.

“Cody, no,” Elijah was the first of anyone to say anything.

Cody bit his lip, knowing he was a second away from crying again as he saw his cousin with tears in his eyes. “Yeah, buddy,” he said softly.

Rory blinked a few times, still not believing it. But each second, it felt more and more real. Everyone was crying except Cameron as he stared off into space. Rosie and Charlie rushed for Cody, and seeing Declan, Josh, Hayden, Zaria, all of his uncles and aunts, and his parents crying made reality crash on top of the 18-year-old.

“What do we do? How- like- how are we fixing this?” Rory stumbled over himself.

“Do you have a team?” Rosie wiped her eyes after letting go of Cody. “Like how many tumors and is it non-small cell o-or-”

“Only one tumor, and it’s non-small,” Cody tried to calm her down, knowing her brain was buzzing with the medical.

“What does that m-mean?” Charlie hiccuped as she clung to her brother.

“I have a good chance, love,” Cody hugged her back and kissed her head.

“You do?” Rory felt as if he had released a heavy breath he didn’t know he was holding. “So, like- y-you’ll be okay? I mean- you have to be.”

Cody’s chest grew heavy as he saw his little brother wiping away tears, and he quickly got up to wrap his arms around him. “You know me, I’ll put up one hell of a fight,” he said quietly, holding onto Rory tighter as he started sobbing against his shoulder.

The blue-eyed lad crumbled as memory after memory of him and his brothers together played in his mind. Rory wanted so many more; he never considered the possibility of them being unable to make more memories.

“I love you,” Rory said quietly, and as he pulled away, it hurt to his core to see his older brother’s sad smile.

“I love you too,” Cody said, trying to hold it together, but the air in the room was crushing.

It was this he didn’t want to feel. The terror, heartache, and anxiety made what was happening to Cody alarmingly real.

“Cam?” Cody furrowed his eyebrows as he saw his brother beside Rory, frozen and staring at the wall across the room. “Buddy?” He moved in front of him.

Cody swallowed thickly as the 18-year-old didn’t move or make a sound, his little brother seeming like he wasn’t even here. “Cameron?” He carefully patted his leg.

Cameron slightly jumped and blinked a few times, but then he met Cody’s eyes and immediately reached to tug him into his chest. “Y-you can’t- this- no, this can’t b-be happening,” he quickly shook his head as he squeezed his eyes shut to stop tears from coming out. “I’m- no, I heard you wrong. I-I mean, my brain is just fucking with me right now, and I was gone for a second, and I didn’t hear you right.”

Cody hugged him tighter, hating to feel his little brother shaking in his arms. “It’s real, Cam.”

“Fucking no!” Cameron suddenly screamed as he pushed himself off the couch, making a few people jump. “N-no, it fucking can’t be! This is the horrible bullshit my brain comes up with as worst-case scenarios! Shit like this doesn’t come true-”

“Mate,” Louis reached for his arm as his son was pacing and close to pulling his hair out while the babies started crying.

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Al, Hayden, get the kids and Eli,” Harry quickly ushered Amelia and Ben out of the room and was too grateful the pair grabbed the twins and Elijah.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Louis got in front of Cameron and stopped his pacing. “Just look at me for a second.”

Cameron felt close to punching something. His mind was screaming, and his pulse was pumping through him in a way that made him want to explode. But his father grabbed his shoulders and made Cameron face him.

He met Louis’ eyes, and for a moment, it was quiet.

Cameron felt as if his father was forcing him to stay in place, and the longer he did, the heavier he could feel his breathing and the tears pooling in his eyes.

“You’re scared, not angry,” Louis said softly.

“I’m both,” Cameron said, frustratedly shaking his head. “Of all fucking people, why-” he looked at Cody, and as soon as he did, he started crying into his hands. “Like- what is this? I-It’s not fair.”

Louis pulled Cameron in for a hug, and his heart broke, feeling the 18-year-old sobbing into his neck. “No one ever said life was, Cam. You know that,” he whispered to him, and Cameron only broke down more. “Just keep your head up, love.”

Cameron didn’t know how he could with his brother hurting, that he had to fight for his life. And the thought had the 18-year-old rushing for Cody and crushing him in a hug.

“It’ll be alright, mate,” Cody said softly as Cameron’s tears refused to stop. “You gotta have a little faith.”

Cameron tried to nod, but he didn’t know where the faith would come from. “Are you having surgery or chemo or like- like, what are they doing to get you better?”

“I’m having surgery to remove the tumor right after the New Year,” Cody said as he gave Cameron one more squeeze before resting his hands on his shoulders. “After that chemo, and they’re hoping after two months of it I’ll be clear.”

“So right around when the baby is due?” Cameron asked quietly as he glanced at TJ and saw the blue-eyed man wiping tears away.

“Yeah,” Cody bit his lip and nodded. “We uhm, we actually moved in with dad and pop this morning, considering everything.”

“You did?” Rosie was relieved just as Charlie gasped, now knowing why their parents had her watch the 12-year-old at her place all morning.

“That’s the right move, mate,” Zayn said before reaching for Cody and hugging him again. “You have an army supporting you. Remember that.”

Cody whispered, “I know,” as he squeezed him back. “And from the army, I need one thing, and only one thing,” he said before pulling away and looking at his family. “Please treat me like you always have,” Cody said quietly. “That’s the best way you can help me through this.”

“So I don’t have to feel bad when I kick your arse in Fifa tonight?” Josh chuckled as he wiped his wet eyes.

“Humor me,” Cody scoffed. “The way you play is as if it’s my toddler with a blindfold on.”

“Eh, you’re still giving him credit he doesn’t deserve,” Rory smirked, making Josh’s jaw drop.

“Right? Harley at least knows how to hold the controller,” Louis had to add onto it.

“Okay, yup, everything is normal, everyone is picking on me,” Josh rolled his eyes, making the room laugh. “You guys can’t embarrass me in front of our baby when he’s born.”

Zayn had to hide his chuckle in his hand. “That little lad will pick up real quick on his own that you’re embarrassing.”

“But also loving, so he’ll look past the embarrassing part,” Liam waved off.

Cody saw Josh scowl a little, and this is truly what he needed, his family being themselves. He was terrified of not smiling at all tonight, but he was sure the gratuity was written all over his face. And he was relieved when Alexis and Hayden came back in with the kids they were calm and ready to play with the family.

“C’mere mate, help me grab beers,” Niall patted Rory on the shoulder and nodded towards the kitchen. “You’re old enough to drink now, and we sure as shit could use some.”

The 18-year-old smiled just a little before glancing over his shoulder at Cameron. His twin was stationary on the couch and staring off into space, and he wasn’t even flinching at the shrieks from the babies every once in a while. He wasn’t here.

“I, uh, I shouldn’t drink. I gotta drive home,” Rory said quietly as they walked into the kitchen.

“Cam can drive. He can’t drink, right?” Niall asked, heading straight for the fridge.

Rory bit his lip as his uncle started pulling beers out. “He shouldn’t drive tonight.”

Niall paused for a second, his face softening as he saw Rory’s eyes go watery. “What’re you thinking about, mate?”

Rory opened his mouth but nothing came out as he gestured to the living room. “What’s happening with Cody and just- Cam,” he rubbed a hand over his face, trying to suppress the pressure behind his eyes. “Already he’s slipping away and if- if Cody isn’t okay then Cam-” Rory couldn’t even think of all the possibilities that could go wrong.

“C’mere,” Niall tugged his nephew into his chest and wrapped his arms around him.

The older man grew a little teary eyed himself as he held Rory and felt him crying. Within a second Niall felt transported back 33 years ago when Harry would sob into his shoulder about his father.

“Cody is gonna make it out of this, and I know you’re nervous about Cam. You always are,” Niall said softly as he rubbed his back. “But what about you? How are you doing with all of this?”

Rory squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head, trying to clear his racing thoughts. “I’m scared,” his voice wavered. “I’m scared of losing him, but I’m also scared to see him sick.”

“All you need to do is keep laughing with Cody, mate,” Niall sniffled, saying the same thing to Harry all those years ago. “Keep treating him as the brilliant boy billionaire who earned the title by fighting to the top. And he’ll put in one hell of a fight this time ‘round.”

Rory nodded, knowing how much Cody has to fight for and there would be no stopping him.

“Seriously, Ror, if you wanna call me at any point, please call,” Niall knew there was a slight begging to his voice. “I know how much you worry about other people, but let me be someone who worries about you and wants to help.”

“I promise I’ll call,” Rory said, it honestly being a relief to hear that.

He was sure his dads were a mess over this, plus having five people move in was a lot. Of course Rory is going to talk to them about all of this, but it was nice knowing he had his uncle in his corner.

Niall passed a few beers to Rory, and the Irish man carried as many as he could into the living room. “It’s not a proper gathering without beer! Drink up!” He said over all the conversations.

Within seconds, hands were raised, and Niall was grinning from ear to ear, loving how many of his nieces and nephews could now drink.

“Here, I’m sure ya could use one,” Niall passed the last beer he had that wasn’t his own to Harry. “How are ya doing, mate?”

“Alright,” Harry murmured before opening the can. “I’m just worried about all of them at this point.”

Niall bit his lip as his brother-in-law looked around the room at all of his kids and grandkids.

“Cameron hasn’t moved. I don’t even think he’s blinked,” Harry let out a deep breath, every time his eyes set on his boy, his heart broke. “I know this is hard on all the kids, but I’m nervous about him.”

The Irish man glanced at Cameron across the room, seeing him stare off into space on the couch. Sure, his physical form was there, but Niall could see his mind was long gone from here.

“How’s he been? Like, how's the new girlfriend?” Niall asked, seeing all the articles of Cameron and Flora this morning.

“He’s been great,” Harry had a sad smile. “He’s been at his best, but this-... He barely survived his last crash, and I’m terrified because this is so much worse.”

“Do you want me to check in on the twins from time to time?” Niall asked. After talking with Rory and seeing Cameron, he knew help was needed. “I can go over to their flat, sit, talk, play video games, or whatever.”

Harry looked at Niall, and as soon as he did, his eyes pooled with tears. The 17-year-old he had met in high school was still the same at 49; his heart had never changed.

“You know you’ve always been my best mate?” Harry said with a watery grin.

“Eh, not the day when you walked in on me snogging your sister and found out we were dating,” Niall winked at him.

Harry hummed as he chuckled at the memory, remembering Louis having to hold him back from the Irish lad. “It would mean a lot if you checked in on the twins. I know you can help them,” Harry’s eyes gently crinkled as he looked at Niall, silently thanking him for how much he helped him when they first met.

“I love you, mate, and all 6 million of your spawns,” Niall chuckled before giving Harry a strong hug.

“I love you too,” Harry smiled as he squeezed him back. “Lou and I want to keep up and check in on all the kids regularly, but I’m scared things will get hectic here.”

“Set aside time to call them, and if ya can’t call, shoot a text,” Niall didn’t want him stressing any more than he already was. “Even if Li, Zayn, or I need to come over to watch the grandbabies, we can do it so you guys can see and talk to your kids.”

“I overheard, and yes,” Liam stopped just as he was about to walk past them. “Really H, you know, with our own kids older, it’s easier for us to come over and stay late if we need to.”

“Talk about getting old, Colton is turnin’ fuckin’ 23 this year,” Niall had to take a big gulp of his beer, thinking about his oldest. “The kid is close to taking over our London kitchen already.”

Liam hummed, his twins just a year younger than Colton and away at Uni. “Think of us as on-call, like we were when Al was just born,” he laughed a little, thinking back to 30 years ago.

“What happened when Al was born?” Louis popped next to Harry, always eager to talk about those days.

“How you had five barely 20-year-old guys raising a baby girl,” Niall laughed. “We’re here to help ya with anything, even if you two multiplied a lot more than we thought you would.”

Liam scoffed. “Speak for yourself. I knew this would happen,” he looked around the living room and saw it filled with Tomlinsons. “We made a bet when we were 18, and you lost horribly by the time the twins were born. Plus, you totally underestimated how many grandkids there would be. Zayn pretty much has it in the bag at this point.”

“What?” Both Harry and Louis said at the same time, just as Zayn was walking over to them.

“How, after 33 years, are you still betting on our relationship?” Harry asked, and as soon as he did, Zayn began to head off in the other direction. “Oh, no! C’mere you!”

Zayn froze for a millisecond before slowly turning around and offering him a timid smile. “Hey, yeah, so about the bets-”

“Bets?!” Louis looked at him wide-eyed.

“Okay, you really can’t get mad, like they’re all positive bets,” Zayn tried to defend himself. “They’re about different ways your relationship can flourish and-”

“What was the latest bet?” Harry was scared to ask, but he needed to know.

Zayn looked at Liam and Niall for some kind of help, but they were of none. “Uhm, how crazy you’ll go for Louis’ 50th and Alexis’ 30th birthdays.”

Alright, Harry had to smile a little, his mates knew him well. It seemed innocent, and he was sure Niall had brought up a few wild ideas that got the boys laughing.

“Don’t even utter that age,” Louis rubbed a hand over his face.

“Lighten up like your hair, grandpa,” Niall nudged him and smirked.

Louis glared right back, but he was smiling a little nonetheless. He was grateful to his mates for so many things, and after all these years, they’re still right by his and Harry’s side, ready to help.

They had pizza, wings and subs delivered to the house, and everyone squeezed into the living room to eat while video game controllers were passed around. It was loud, and Harry could see five minutes in, messy. But it was worth the chatter and everyone being in one spot.

Elijah was glued to Cody’s side, all night, he was the curly-haired man’s shadow. But that was never really out of the norm for him.

Despite the news his family received, Cody was relieved tonight was as normal as it could be.

2 Hours Later

Rory glanced at Cameron as his twin followed him into their flat. He looked like he had been on auto-pilot all night and still was now.

“Hey, uh,” Rory gently grabbed Cameron’s arm, accidentally making him jump slightly. “You didn’t really eat dinner, so pop sent us home with some leftovers. I’m gonna put it in the fridge for you.”

“Thanks,” Cameron said quietly as he looked around, swearing he was getting in the car just a second ago.

“You alright?” Rory asked with a touch of worry as his brother rubbed his hands over his face and let out a deep breath.

“I uhm-” Cameron tried to find his bearings, the entire night seemed like different blurred shots. “My head is a little fucked.”

Rory bit his lip as Cameron blinked repeatedly and started pacing in a short space. It was a telltale that he was lost and confused, and Rory hated seeing it.

“Do you remember what happened?” He asked carefully, and as soon as he did, Cameron froze.

Cameron swore all night that his mind was trying to block it out and shield him from reality. He was disconnected for hours, and with his brain starting to put snippets together, he felt the inevitable pressure in his chest he’d been hiding from the entire evening.

“Yeah, I remember,” Cameron’s voice wavered. “I uh, well, some of it.”

Rory slowly took a few steps towards him, seeing the fear behind Cameron’s eyes before his twin rushed to hug him. He was surprised, but just as fast to wrap his arms around Cameron.

“What the fuck are we gonna do?” He held onto Rory tightly.

“Be there for him,” Rory rubbed his back as he felt Cameron shaking in his arms. “It’s gonna get hard, mate, and-... And please, you can’t disappear on me. I need you. Cody needs you.”

“I don’t want to disappear. I-I just-” Cameron let out a frustrated breath as he pulled away. “I’m not doing it on purpose, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“Maybe make two therapy appointments for this upcoming week,” Rory looked at him gently, knowing he went back to once a week.

Cameron nodded. A little part of him was scared of how out of it he had been all night. “How are you handling this?”

Rory shrugged as his gaze went to the floor. “I’m scared, like you,” he said quietly. “But you know Cody has the best doctors in the world and just how he is as a person,” Rory tried to offer Cameron a small smile. “He’ll fight for all of us.”

Cameron always envied how, even in the midst of chaos, his twin could see some form of light. It was as if Cameron heard the words, but his brain didn’t register them as true. His thoughts were dark, and it felt like he was sprinting to find a guiding light, but nothing was bright enough to spark hope.

“Are you having Emerson over tonight?” Cameron asked, feeling the anxiety pooling in his stomach at the thought of crashing again.

“I was thinking about it, but it depends on how you feel,” Rory said, his heart sinking a little as he saw his twin nervously fidgeting with his fingers.

“Invite them over. I uh- I need to call Flora and just-... Try to see some fucking light,” Cameron breathed out as he rubbed a hand over his face; already, his racing thoughts were suffocating him.

“Okay, yeah,” Rory said softly. “If you need anything or wanna talk after you call her, come find me.”

“I will,” Cameron nodded before heading off for his room.

His initial instinct was to start pacing as soon as the door was closed, but he tried to push the anxiety away as he sat at his desk chair to video chat Flora. At the sound of the computer ringing, though, he shot up and began walking around his room nervously.

He didn’t want to talk about this, but he had to, and Flora would see him as a mess. His brain was a jumbled wreck, and more than anything, he needed his girlfriend to bring him back to his senses. But what if when she saw this side of him, she would go running?

“Hey, baby! Wait- Cam?”

Cameron jumped at Flora’s voice before quickly scrambling over to his desk.

“Are you alright?” Flora asked worriedly as she saw her boyfriend’s eyes wide and cheeks flushed.

Cameron opened his mouth, but the words refused to come out. He was far from alright, and he knew that. But he didn’t know how to talk about this without spiraling.

“Cam, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” Flora asked as she saw him blinking away tears.

“I-I’m scared if I talk about it, you’ll see a part of me you won’t like. But I need to- fuck, I-I need to,” Cameron felt like he was talking to himself, and quickly, he was pacing his room again. “C’mon, c’mon, stop for a second,” he said to himself and stopped walking. He had hoped that because he paused, his mind would too, but immediately, his racing thoughts grew worse as Flora watched him on the screen, and he clutched his head as it started screaming at him. “Fucking stop! Please!”

“Love, come here, please,” there was begging in Flora’s voice as she watched him.

Cameron let out a few heavy breaths as he pinched the bridge of his nose and threw himself into his desk chair. He was scared of too many things and embarrassed, and the constant voices drove him mad.

“I-It’s back- it doesn’t- there’s no fucking quiet,” Cameron felt like he could barely talk with how many horrible thoughts were popping up.

“Look at me, Cam,” Flora tried to hide her sniffle, hating to see him like this.

Cameron looked at the screen, and he could see his girlfriend’s worry. But he also saw the care that was always behind her eyes, and it made his breathing a little easier.

“Hi, love,” Flora mustered a small smile as she saw him calming down a little bit.

Cameron gulped, feeling his pounding heart easing up in his chest. “Hi.”

“Do you see I’m still here?” Flora didn’t know what was happening with him, but it was enough to send her boyfriend into an episode. “Talk to me. I’m here for you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m overwhelmed and feel like I’m slipping again, and I can’t. I have to be here and strong, but-”

“Love, what happened tonight?” Flora stopped his nervous talking. “Did something happen at dinner?”

Cameron opened his mouth but felt his words get stuck. Over the hours he was there, he only vividly remembers a few moments. And those were the moments he wanted to forget and wished they weren’t true.

“Cody… Cody has stage 2 lung cancer,” as he said it, his voice felt numb. “He’s sick,” the words were like an off-switch for his brain.

Flora placed a hand over her mouth as she quietly gasped, her face falling as she heard him. But Flora noticed how, within a second, Cameron was staring off into space, almost looking lost.

“Babe, come on, keep looking at me,” Flora said, her nerves racing seeing him get disconnected so fast.

Cameron blinked a few times and shook his head, trying to fight back tears. “I don’t mean to dissapear. I-... I’m just fucking scared,” he began crying. “I’m scared for him and losing him, a-and-... And I’m scared of myself. I’m scared of what I could turn into again.”

Flora looked at him, heartbroken, as she saw her boyfriend much more than scared. “I’m so sorry this is happening, love,” she said softly, wishing she could jump through the computer to hold him. “But Cody is strong, and you need to know you are too.”

“Everyone is telling me to keep my chin up, but a guy like me?” Cameron had to hold back a scoff. “I have one good voice versus ten bad ones. Who do you think wins?” He asked rhetorically.

“This is hard, Cam. There’s no denying that,” Flora watched him sadly as he fidgeted. “Of course, everything negative will sound a little louder right now.”

“It’s screaming,” Cameron rubbed his hands over his face. “I know the worse Cody gets, the worse I will, too.”

“Remember, I’m here with you,” Flora said, her heart sinking as she saw his tears.

Cameron wiped his wet cheeks, but it did no good as he kept crying. He wanted to pace, sob, and punch something all at once, and the mixture of emotions was driving him mad. The blue-eyed lad felt all over the place, and his brain was scrambling to come up with a solution, but everything felt wrong.

“Cam, talk to me, please,” Flora could tell he was getting lost in his head.

The 18-year-old sniffled, trying to calm down, but his anxiety made him want to scream. “Cody-... He’s the best big brother,” Cameron swallowed thickly, too many memories of him and Cody flooding his brain. “I can’t lose him.”

“You won’t, Cam-”

“How do you know that?” Cameron tried to keep the sharpness from his tone, but he could see by Flora’s face he didn’t do such a good job. “No one is being a fucking realist about this.”

“You need to have some hope, love,” Flora said timidly.

Cameron groaned frustratedly as he pushed himself out of his seat, hating how a tsunami of negative thoughts washed over him. “My dad said it himself: life isn’t fair, and if that’s the case, why have any faith that anything will go your way?”

“Because hope is the only thing we have when everything in the world has been destroyed,” Flora tried to calm him down. “You need a little bit, Cam.”

“It doesn’t just magically appear,” Cameron said annoyed as he started pacing, his mind moving in every direction, which was infuriating.

“Please come sit back down and-”

“I don’t want to sit!” Cameron snapped and began walking around his room faster. He felt himself spiraling, but there was no off-switch, and he couldn’t fight this one. “I want to fucking scream and put my head through a wall!”

“You need to slow down,” Flora hated to see him close to cracking.

Cameron knew he needed to, but he couldn’t. Voices were yelling at him that his brother could die, that if that were to happen, he’d be next. His mind wasn’t being kind to him, despite his girlfriend trying to talk him off the ledge.

“I need to go,” Cameron shook his head as he walked towards his desk.

“No, Cameron, don’t hang up,” Flora tried to stop him.

“I need to. You can’t-” the blue-eyed lad winced as voice after voice screamed at him that his world was collapsing. “You can’t see me like this.”

“Cam! No-”

Cameron blinked back tears, “I’m sorry,” he could barely get the words out before ending the call and forcing the screen to go black.

Chapter Text

Same Night- Rory’s POV

Rory glanced nervously towards the hallway as his ears filled with Cameron's sudden screaming. He was fully aware of his twin's terror, knowing that Cameron's every fear was magnified. Yet, Rory clung to the hope that Flora could calm him down.

The blue-eyed lad’s attention was quickly taken away, though, as he heard a knock at the door, and in seconds, he was on his feet.

He rushed for the door, feeling tears pool in his eyes, and Rory didn’t know what they were for this time. He just wanted to cry.

“Hey,” Emerson was worried when Rory opened the door and cupped his cheeks. “You said it was an emergency, so I raced over, and you’re crying, oh no, love.”

Rory held onto his partner tightly, and feeling Emerson wrap their arms around him suddenly made him want to break down.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it, to acknowledge the truth. The words 'Cody is sick 'hung heavy in the air, a weight on Rory's heart that he couldn’t bear.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Emerson said softly as their boyfriend cried into their neck, and they rubbed circles into his back.

“I-it’s not,” Rory hiccuped out. “Cody has lung cancer.”

Emerson’s arms went stiff around Rory, feeling their breath come up short as the words sunk in. “Rory, fuck-I-... I’m so sorry, love,” they held onto him impossibly tighter and kissed his head. “C’mon, let’s go to your room and lie down. We can talk.”

Rory sniffled as he nodded, and was grateful Emerson quickly grabbed his hand. He needed to be held, feel secure, and accept any and all support.

“Let’s get you out of this and get comfy,” Emerson said before reaching for their boyfriend’s shirt and tugging it over his head.

Rory had to smile a little, Emerson knowing too well nothing calms him down more than cuddling in their underwear. As soon as they were down to their briefs, Emerson tugged him into bed and quickly pulled Rory onto their chest.

For a minute, the blue-eyed lad breathed Emerson in, trying to chase the comfort that radiates from his partner. Emerson felt like a type of medicine to him; he had a place he could go to when there was a storm raging outside.

“I’m scared,” Rory said quietly as he squeezed his eyes shut to stop his tears. “Cody said he has a good chance, but-... Shit goes wrong sometimes,” he murmured.

“Cody, being who he is definitely hired the best doctors in the world,” Emerson said softly as they wrapped their arms around Rory and tangled their legs together. “He’s in good hands, love.”

Rory nodded, but even knowing that he was crying. “Every memory with him now feels more amplified, a-and- well, it’s a lot… I hate the thought of no more memories with him.”

“You’ll have so many more, Rory, you’ll see,” Emerson tried to calm him down, but they were blinking back tears too. “I know it must be terrifying, but keep reminding yourself he has a great medical team and support system.”

“Yeah,” Rory said shakily, holding onto them a little tighter. “He, TJ, and the girls moved in with dad and pop,” he was surprised but more happy about it than anything. “I was thinking we could go over there more often to see them, maybe help with the kids.”

“Of course,” Emerson kissed his head. “We can steal the monsters and pretend they’re ours for a night.”

Rory smiled into Emerson’s chest, his heart pumping at the thought of kids with his partner. “They’d be so excited. You’re wonderful with them. You have been since they were newborns.”

“Thanks to your family, I feel well-versed in caring for a baby,” Emerson slightly joked. “It’ll be amazing when we have our own. They’ll be so excited.”

Rory hummed, more grateful than anything that Emerson could pull his mind to somewhere lovely. “Are we still thinking of adopting?” He asked as he traced his finger along Emerson’s chest.

“I’d like to,” Emerson smiled softly into his hair and held him a little tighter. “I know you want a baby, but honestly, for our first one, I think it would be nice to adopt a kid or toddler.”

It didn’t take any effort for Rory to smile as he heard that, knowing Emerson had thought about their future just as much as him. They wanted to be with him; they wanted him for a lifetime.

“I love the idea of adopting,” Rory looked up from Emerson’s shoulder to meet their eyes. “But you’re right. I do want a baby,” he chuckled bashfully.

“We’ll have a baby,” Emerson cupped his cheek before gently connecting their lips. “Three kids. No more.”

“No more than three.” Rory held up his pinky, and Emerson quickly intertwined theirs to his and promised him.

He got a bit red in the face, though, as Emerson locked their eyes as if they weren’t taking him seriously. Rory understands his family is baby crazy, and he was no exception, but he has seen how hard it can get to juggle so many kids. His mind went to his parents first and then Cody, unable to imagine how hard it is, especially now. It felt like, within a flash, Rory’s mind was racing, thinking about his nieces and knowing they had no clue what was happening with Cody.

“I’m really excited to be a parent with you,” Emerson said quietly, grinning just at the thought.

“Easy killer, we gotta get married first,” Rory chuckled as he heard Emerson’s eagerness and felt his partner’s heavy heartbeat against his ear. “We have some time before kids.”

As soon as the words came out, though, Rory could tell Emerson went a little tense; a clear shift in the air weighed heavy on them.

“Do you want to wait to get married?”

Rory barely heard them, but he did and slowly picked his head up to look at Emerson.

“No uhm, I’m uhm- I’m sorry,” Emerson shook their head as they pinched the bridge of their nose. “You already have a lot on your mind, and we don’t need to talk about this.”

The blue-eyed lad bit his lip, not knowing what he would say if they were to have the conversation. “I want to marry you,” he was sure of it, and he met their eyes as he said it.

Emerson mustered a timid smile as they nodded and cupped Rory’s cheek. They swore their boyfriend would propose at the live final of RuPaul, but Emerson knew the longer they were away, the more they ruined those chances. It didn’t happen because they made Rory question himself and question them.

“I love you,” Emerson rubbed their thumb along his cheek and locked their eyes. “Thank you for choosing me to be your home.”

Rory had the smallest of smiles as he sniffled and nodded, trying not to start crying again. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Especially at a time like this,” he said quietly.

“I’m here, love. Forever and always,” Emerson kissed his forehead.

Rory’s eyes crinkled as he leaned in for a real kiss, and within seconds felt his world slow. There was no doubt in his mind there would be many nights of him crying on Emerson’s shoulder in the coming months. But his partner is constantly by his side, giving him a quick and safe place to escape to.

They stayed up talking, Emerson wiping their boyfriend’s tear-stained cheeks occasionally and kissing his hair. It was exactly what Rory needed, and he fell asleep in his partner’s arms, hearing them whisper, “For better or worse.”

4 Hours Later

Rory jumped awake as he heard the front door close, looking around for a second and grateful he didn’t wake up Emerson. But he quickly glanced at the time, and seeing it was 5 a.m., the blue-eyed lad sprung out of bed, having no clue what Cameron was up to at this hour.

Rory jogged down the hall, not knowing his heart could race this fast so early in the morning. But as soon as he got to the living room, he jumped and let out a surprised yelp.

“W-what are you doing here?!” He looked at Flora wide-eyed, seeing her with a suitcase.

“I’m sorry, I had to use the key you gave me. Where’s Cameron? How is he?” Flora asked in a nervous rush.

Rory furrowed his eyebrows. “I assume he’s in his room. I didn’t hear from him all night.”

Flora only grew more worried and took no time before heading off for her boyfriend’s room.

“What’s going on? Did he ask you to come home?” Now Rory was getting scared.

“He hung up our call and wouldn’t answer any of mine, so I got on a plane. He isn’t okay,” Flora’s heart was racing as they got to Cameron’s door.

Rory’s face fell, having no clue his twin was in such a bad state that Flora felt the need to fly home.

“Go back to sleep, Rory. I got him,” Flora said softly, but she easily saw he was ready to head straight into Cameron’s room. “Please, give me some time with him.”

Rory let out a deep breath as he looked at the door but nodded before slowly backing away and walking to his room down the hall.

Flora bit her lip as she reached for the handle and slowly opened the door. She didn’t know how she would find Cameron, if he would be sleeping or gaming, and completely unaware of what time it was. But Flora wasn’t expecting what she saw once the door was completely open.

Cameron’s room was a mess of papers scattered everywhere; more than a few crumpled-up ones littered the floor. What made Flora’s heart clench, though, was the sight of her boyfriend.

Cameron’s eyes were wide and bloodshot as he stared across the room, his knees pulled into his chest and arms wrapped around his legs as he rocked back and forth on his bed.

Flora could see him nearly heaving, and as she stepped into the room, she had to hold back tears, knowing Cameron had no idea she was there, even as she got closer to the bed.

“Love,” Flora said softly, not wanting to scare him, and tried to meet his eyes.

But Cameron kept rocking, never blinking and letting out ragged breaths.

Flora had to wipe away a stray tear and sniffled, hating to see him completely gone. “Cam, come back to me,” she whispered as she carefully reached to cup his cheek.

Flora’s hand was just about to touch him before the blue-eyed lad blinked quickly and snapped his head towards her.

Cameron let out a scream, his eyes full of terror as he scrambled away and nearly fell off the bed. “No, no!” He yelled and blinked repeatedly, but he still saw Flora and quickly broke out into a sob. “I-I’m seeing things- I- fuck, no, no-”

“Cam, love, it’s me,” Flora rushed out, trying her hardest not to cry as she wrapped her arms around him.

Cameron swallowed thickly. It took his brain a second to register that Flora was really here and that, after everything, she was holding him. But as soon as the wires connected, the 18-year-old was sobbing and squeezing her tightly.

“I’m here, it’s okay,” Flora’s voice wavered, feeling Cameron breaking down in her arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Cameron shook his head. “I feel fucking crazy a-and-”

“Hey, look at me for a second,” Flora pulled away to meet his eyes and gently wiped his tear-stained cheeks with her thumbs. “Can we both breathe for the first time in 6 hours?”

Cameron’s eyes grew wide. “6 hours? I was out of it for 6 hours?! I-”

“Love, please,” Flora was ready to beg. “Stop for just a little bit. No reactions, no nothing, just breathe.”

Cameron looked at her, feeling like he hadn’t been able to breathe properly since his dads’ house, no matter how hard he'd tried. But he could get lost in those green eyes, his heart starting to beat for something that wasn’t sorrow and making breathing a little easier.

Flora cupped his cheeks, and instinctively, Cameron leaned his head against hers. They breathed each other in, taking a moment to focus on the comfort they both desperately needed.

“You’re not crazy, and I’m not angry,” Flora said softly as she sniffled, feeling his trembling breaths. “You can’t disappear on me, Cam. I’ll come find you,” she tried to get him to smile.

And Cameron did, the tiniest one, but it was there. “How did you get in?”

“Rory gave me a key for emergencies,” Flora said, and quickly saw the defeat behind her boyfriend’s eyes.

“I’m sorry you flew back,” Cameron felt horrible that she jumped on a plane for him. “Your parents must think I’m mental or codependent to the extreme and-”

“Cam, stop,” Flora shushed him and rubbed her thumbs along his stubbled cheeks. “I told them what’s happening with Cody, and they understand. They even got my ticket,” she didn’t want him worrying. “I’m only here for two days before going back, but I’m all yours.”

Cameron searched her face and saw her honesty. He found a girl who would sprint across countries for him and wanted to learn how to love him.

“You mean so much to me,” Cameron whispered before letting out a deep breath and wrapping his arms around Flora. “I’m sorry you have to put up with me.”

“I’m not putting up with anything,” Flora said almost sternly as she hugged him back. “We’re a team, you and I.”

Cameron found so much peace in that. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he didn’t feel his brain scattered. “What time is it?” He was nervous for the answer. Glancing towards the window, he saw that it was still dark.

“It’s around 5 a.m.” Flora pulled away, her expression falling as she saw Cameron rub a frustrated hand over his face. “Why don’t you take your medicine and try to sleep?”

“I’m wired right now,” Cameron shook his head, feeling wide awake. “I uh, I might go work out. Just for a little bit to get some energy out,” he said before pushing himself off the bed and heading for his closet.

“Cam, you should sleep, or we can talk,” Flora said as she watched him pull out workout clothes.

“Just an hour,” Cameron needed to tire himself out at least a little. “You can hang in here and relax. The gym is on the top floor.”

Flora watched him change, smiling the slightest. “I won’t really be able to relax knowing you’re all sweaty and determined a few floors up.”

Cameron glanced over at her, his face heating up as flashes of the last night they spent together flooded his mind. From Flora’s face, he could see she was thinking of it too, and her smirk got his heart racing for all the right reasons.

But then a voice in his head told him to stop smiling. He should feel guilty for smiling and flirting with his girlfriend when he just found out his brother was sick.

“What love?” Flora furrowed her eyebrows as she got up from the bed, seeing her boyfriend’s face fall.

Cameron slightly cleared his throat as he shook his head and finished changing. “I’m heading to the gym.”

“No, don’t do that to me,” Flora reached for his hand before he could head for the door. “You were relaxed for a second, and then you got in your head again.”

“It’s not getting in my head. It’s the truth,” Cameron’s tone came out irritated.

“What is? Talk to me, and please, don’t walk away,” Flora pulled him closer.

Cameron was hesitant to say anything but knew there was no getting out of it. “I shouldn’t be smiling, and I have no right to be happy,” he said quietly, his eyes focused on the ground.

“That is not true,” Flora’s tone was firm, but she was looking at her boyfriend softly. “Listen, I get Cody is sick, and-... And I’m so sorry, love,” she said as she blinked back tears and wrapped her arms around him, knowing Cameron was undoubtedly terrified. “But why would Cody not want you to smile? It’s so important to when you can.”

The blue-eyed lad swallowed thickly; with such few words and a point made, the loudest voice in his head became quiet. “I just feel guilty and-... And so many other things. I don’t know how to sort it out.”

“Talk to me,” Flora looked into his eyes. “Don’t run away to the gym or shut down.”

Cameron’s heart was thudding, but being in Flora’s arms was as comfortable as ever. He can’t keep putting up barriers to protect himself. They’ve never helped.

“Okay,” Cameron whispered and barely nodded as he pulled her closer. “Can you do one thing for me first?”

“Of course,” Flora held him a little tighter.

“Kiss me.”

Flora could see the nerves behind her boyfriend’s eyes, and she hated the thought of Cameron thinking she saw him differently now.

The blue-eyed lad felt a relieved breath escape him as Flora gently tugged him down until her lips were heavy against his. She was kissing him with intent, longing, and aching. It was everything Cameron needed to fill his chest with comfort instead of fear.

Cameron tugged Flora impossibly closer, nearly lifting her off the ground as he kissed her. With his girlfriend in his arms, it was as if he was somewhere else, somewhere calm and safe. When kissing Flora, his mind always paints walking along the beach at night. The sand warms him from the toes up, and sudden goosebumps appear with each gust of wind. But what Cameron loved the most was the gentle roll of water that ran over his feet, always relaxing and leaving him longing for the next wave. Every sensation was like kissing Flora.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Flora pulled away to say before pressing their lips together again.

Cameron chuckled against her before giving her a few more pecks. “We were only apart for three days.”

“No, I mean-...” Flora had to find her words, wrapping her hands around Cameron’s biceps and squeezing gently. “I see it. You go in and out of these moods,” she said quietly, making her boyfriend freeze in her arms. “But then you hold me and kiss me, and I feel you come back to me.”

“It’s like you’re my own personal brand of heroin,” Cameron said dramatically before nipping her neck and getting her to laugh.

“You quote Twilight way too much for an 18-year-old guy,” Flora teased as she rested against Cameron, and he gently swayed them.

“Alexis was obsessed with it,” Cameron’s cheeks were red as he buried his nose in her hair.

Flora hummed, knowing her boyfriend has secretly liked the movies since he was 6, but would never admit it. “Are you ready to do something for me?”

“Sure,” he kissed her head.

“I want you in your briefs and to give me a cuddle in bed,” Flora mumbled into his shirt and smiled as she felt his chest rumbling with quiet laughter.

Cameron nodded before letting her go so he could take his shirt off, and as he undressed, his girlfriend began picking up his strewn-about papers. He looked around, not even remembering writing, but his room was littered. Cameron went wide-eyed though as Flora got to his desk and reached for his notebook.

“No!” He rushed to grab it and snapped the book shut, making Flora jump. “I’m sorry, it’s just- you can’t see this one,” Cameron said before opening his drawer and tucking it away.

Flora furrowed her eyebrows as she saw his desk drawer filled with different colored notebooks. But the one Cameron was clearly scared for her to see was his black book.

The blue-eyed lad doesn’t even recollect pulling that notebook out, but seeing it was meant nothing good. And in seconds he was frustrated, knowing for hours he was completely gone, and it was scary being unaware of what had happened. Cameron didn’t even want to glance in his notebook to see what he wrote.

“Come here, you,” Flora reached for his hand and tugged him towards the bed. She watched as Cameron nearly threw himself onto the mattress, and Flora looked at him fondly before her eyes went to his nightstand. “Which ones are your night ones?”

Cameron picked his head off the pillow and saw Flora was looking at all of his medicine bottles. He still felt wide awake, like he didn’t need to sleep at all, and that’s how the blue-eyed lad knew he was well overdue to take his pills.

Cameron listed off which ones he needed, and Flora grabbed all five of his pills before passing them to him with a glass of water he had on his nightstand.

“I’ll be right back. I need to grab my bag,” Flora said before kissing Cameron’s forehead and heading off for the living room.

He watched her leave, his eyes lingering on the door and trying to fully grasp what his girlfriend did for him. Flora was back in Spain for the holidays, and she was on a plane at a moment's notice. Cameron was grateful; there was no denying that. But he hated that he couldn’t rely on himself.

“You alright?” Flora asked with furrowed eyebrows as she came back in and saw his thinking face.

“Yeah, m’fine,” Cameron said quietly and signed, not fully trusting his voice. “I just-... I’m scared of a lot right now, and I want my brain to shut off.”

“Do you want to try to write?” Flora asked as she opened her bag to get her medicine.

Cameron let out a small chuckle as he shook his head. “Writing put me into a 6-hour long episode. I think I’m good,” he fondly watched Flora grab one of his t-shirts and change into it.

Flora’s heart sank as she shuffled out of her jeans and headed to the bed with her medicine. Out of the pages she saw Cameron had written, there were scribbled-out lines and words, and rips in the paper where the pen was aggressively pressed. It was obvious his mind was all over the place.

“Do you want to talk?” Flora felt like she had to pry it out of him.

Cameron took a deep breath as he sank into his mattress, and Flora immediately laid on his chest. “Want to? No. Should I? Yes.”

“What is it about talking, Cam?” Flora asked as she tangled their legs together.

The blue-eyed lad tried to meet her eyes, and seeing the pleading behind them was painful. “I go dark- like, my brain does,” Cameron said shakily; even as they talk, the voices don’t stop. “You won’t look at me the same.”

“Love, you hung up on me, I called you 12 times, got on a plane, and here I am,” Flora raised her eyebrows at him. “And how were you when I came in here?”

Cameron bit his lip, his brain barely remembering, but there was a quick flash of what had happened when he snapped back online. “I was rocking on my bed and completely out of it,” he mumbled but let out a relieved breath as his girlfriend held onto him tighter.

“Look at us,” Flora said, making Cameron peek down at her, and a content smile came across his face as he saw them cuddled up. “I don’t and won’t look at you differently,” she said softly before tipping her head up to connect their lips. “You’re different in your own wonderful way.”

Cameron let out a bashful chuckle. His girlfriend constantly says that, and every time she does, a warm comfort washes over him. “I’m scared,” he said quietly as he wrapped his arms around Flora and ran his hand along her back. “I’m scared of saying something too morbid, and you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy,” Flora said firmly as she patted his chest. “The more you keep those thoughts in, the worse it will get, Cam. It’s the same sentence on repeat, and it’s been hours.”

“Sentences all at once,” Cameron muttered, feeling like he had 10 voices screaming at him.

He didn’t want to delve into it; he never had with someone who wasn’t his therapist. But Flora knows anxiety. Cameron has seen it in her eyes, and he hears it in the way she talks about one particular ex of hers. Flora can relate to the constant “what ifs,” and he’s never had this type of support from a partner. Cameron had to be vulnerable; he owed it to himself and Flora.

“I’m a mixture of things,” Cameron tried to keep his breathing even as his eyes focused on the ceiling and felt the comfortable weight of his girlfriend on top of him. “I’m sad, scared, angry, frustrated, just-... A lot is going on.”

“Why are you angry?” Flora asked gently as she ran her hand along his peck and along his shoulder.

“Why Cody?” Cameron didn’t even need to think before the annoyed words came out. “And with that one question, I spiral completely and go into thinking about life and why do any of this bullshit if we’re gonna die, and Cody could die. He has three kids, a baby on the way, and a husband who loves him unconditionally, but everything could fall to shit. Why suffer? All life fucking is, is suffering and pain, and it’s not worth it. People lie, it doesn’t get better, you just get used to it, and it’s fucking-”

“Cameron, love,” Flora reigned him in, feeling his heart thudding.

“And then I get fucking frustrated,” Cameron breathed out as he shook his head. “Because that happens, a tsunami,” he felt completely defeated. “Me feeling like this, the episodes, they’ll never go away,” saying it out loud, he almost felt his body go numb with the realization. “Life will happen, and hurt will, and I’ll always plummet into the dark. My entire life, I’ll have to go to war with myself…”

Flora looked up at Cameron, barely able to hear him as he stared at the ceiling. “But not by yourself,” she cupped his jaw and got her boyfriend to meet her eyes. “I know you’re fighting yourself right now, and I know it’s defeating to realize you’ll forever have to,” Flora tried not to tear up seeing the despair on his face. “But you need to know so many people are proud of you… I’m so proud of you.”

“For what?” Cameron furrowed his eyebrows, feeling everything around him slow down with how softly she was talking to him.

“For winning every war,” Flora offered him a small smile. “It gets dark and scary and really hopeless,” she ran her fingers through his hair, and her dimples appeared as Cameron leaned into the touch. “But beautiful things do happen. Even something as simple as looking at the moon.”

The blue-eyed lad felt his heart skip a beat, his girlfriend knowing about his affinity for the moon and stars. She’s heard plenty of his songs and read more than a few poems, and thinking back on them, Cameron wanted that feeling back. So quickly, it felt like the world was ending, and he wanted nothing more than to look up at the moon and be grateful he was here to see it.

“Come here. Do you want to look?” Flora gently tugged Cameron and pointed at the window.

He didn’t think it would hurt, and he nodded just as his girlfriend sat up and off him. As soon as she was off the bed, Flora offered Cameron her hand, and the blue-eyed lad shuffled his feet towards the window.

Flora pulled the curtain back, and Cameron wasn’t surprised to see no stars. But the moon he was surprised by. Once Cameron’s eyes were on the full moon, he felt everything pause. His breathing and pulse slowed, and he felt the bright shine warming his chest.

Cameron was frozen for a moment, but then Flora wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head on his shoulder.

He looked down at her, and just like the moon, he was entranced by the girl at his side. Quickly, Cameron was brought back to their first date and how Flora’s eyes were shining in the moonlight. Here was that same girl, now in his t-shirt and holding him with a purpose. Flora was a comfort and a constant, just like the moon consistently bright no matter their phase.

Cameron’s eyes flickered from the bright full moon to his girlfriend, and suddenly he found himself blinking back tears.

“Are you okay?” Flora asked worriedly as she saw him wiping his cheeks.

“You’re right,” Cameron sniffled as he nodded, needing to hold onto the comfort fueling his lungs. “Beautiful things do happen, like you.”

Flora smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and turned to face her. Despite Cameron's crying, she could see the slight glimmer behind his eyes, and it was something she had been longing for.

“I’m so sorry. You raced home, and I know I put you through hell,” Cameron held onto her tightly, and from where Flora was smiling into his neck, left a lingering warmth that helped his pulse slow. “How are you?”

Flora pulled away to look at him, her smile slowly fading as he ran her fingers through his hair. “I was worried sick about you,” she hoped she was loud enough for him to hear, and by her boyfriend’s sunken expression, he did. “I know it’s hard, Cam, but you can’t disappear when things get scary. Ask for help,” Flora said softly.

“Yeah, I’ve never really been good at that,” Cameron breathed out. “I hung up on you and you said you called me a ton,” there was no doubt in his mind Flora was an anxious mess. “I don’t mean to go completely offline, it just- it happens all of a sudden, and sometimes I scream and get scary. You can’t see that. I don’t want you to think of me like that.”

Flora looked at him with an enamored smile as she placed her hand on her boyfriend’s chest. “I know your heart. You’ve created music to let me hear it and understand it,” she chuckled fondly as Cameron’s cheeks went red. “You may have bursts, but I know you.”

The blue-eyed lad grinned down at her, and for a moment, time slowed with Flora in his arms. This was it; he was falling in love, for real this time. Cameron’s sudden thought was that it was too soon, he just asked Flora to be his girlfriend. But they’ve known each other for almost five months, and the foundation was clearly there.

“You look at me, and I swear your eyes stole the moon’s light,” Cameron smiled as his mind comfortably slowed with their gazes locked. “That glimmer of hope that dances in the darkness.”

“Ooh, is someone getting sleepy?” Flora teased him, making her boyfriend laugh and hide his face in her neck. “You’re being extra smooth. You have to be tired.”

“Shut up,” Cameron kissed her neck, knowing his eyes were crinkling as he pulled away to look at her. “I can’t be sweet on my girlfriend?”

“You’re such a sap, and I love it,” Flora chuckled fondly before pecking his lips.

Cameron felt his breath fall short, surprised by how much comfort that brought him. He had heard his pop say that to his dad his entire life, and to this day, Cameron still hears it. A wave of solace rushed over him as he thought about finding a love like his parents.

“Get back in bed. I want a proper cuddle,” Flora tapped his bum and made her boyfriend blush before he tossed himself on his mattress and made grabby hands for her.

Cameron was smiling as he saw her roll her eyes fondly and happily climbed into his arms. But surprise took over when Flora straddled his waist and rested her hands on his chest.

“I thought I was getting a cuddle,” Cameron smirked as his hands held onto her hips and he sunk into the bed,

Flora hummed and grinned down at the blue-eyed lad before pecking his lips and sitting back up. “You are. A proper one,” she chuckled as she tied her hair up. “Just give me a second. I need to Juliet to your Romeo.”

Cameron let out a surprised laugh as he saw Flora reach for her medicine. There was no stopping his adoring expression as he watched her take them and then reach for her hearing aids.

You okay? Cameron checked after Flora put them in their charging case.

Yeah, Flora smiled as her eyes scanned along her boyfriend lying under her, and she settled back on him. As much as I’d love to keep hearing you, I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep with them on.

Cameron hummed, his smile growing as he saw Flora’s eyes light up with the vibration running up her hand. I’m just so boring, aren’t I? I lull you right to sleep with my dull-

Flora grabbed his hands as she laughed at his teasing expressions. Stop it, you. Clearly, you’re far from boring, she playfully eyed him and loved seeing his sheepish chuckle. But I hope to fall asleep at some point.

Cameron looked at their position, him laying down with his girlfriend straddling his waist and quickly he was raising his eyebrows at her with a teasing smirk.

I said at some point, Flora smiled back at him before leaning in to carefully connect their lips. I’m still not used to seeing my boyfriend in just his underwear.

Cameron felt his breathing trembling as Flora’s hand ran from his chest down to his stomach, and she barely rolled her hips on top of his. Love, don’t tease me like this, he signed and shook his head as an airy chuckle came out.

I’m not doing anything, Flora signed innocently, but a laugh escaped as she saw Cameron bite his lip when she ground on top of him again.

You are, and you know it, you menace, Cameron played off as annoyed, but as he pushed his hips up to meet her, it was obvious he was far from that. You know, as soon as you touch me, I get hard.

Flora let out a startled laugh, and Cameron quickly looked at her wide-eyed at how loud she was. Of course, he knew she had zero volume control right now, but truthfully, he loved his room shaking with joy.

The blue-eyed lad was surprised as Flora leaned down to connect their lips, and with how heavily his girlfriend was kissing him, Cameron had to hold back a moan. It felt like, within seconds, Flora was all over him, her entire weight resting on him and refusing to break their kiss as her hips continued to move.

With Flora it always feels like a wildfire, it starts with a single spark and then it’s a blaze you can’t control. Cameron felt it, and he could tell his girlfriend was right there with him as she groaned against him and let her hands roam all over him.

Cameron was getting lost in her, their heavy breaths mixing as their lips refused to break, and he encouraged her movement on top of him. But then he felt Flora reach for the band of his briefs, and his pulse stopped.

Babe, we can’t, Cameron pulled away and shook his head as he tried to catch his breath.

I’m helping you de-stress, Flora smiled as she kissed along his jaw and down to his neck.

That you are, Cameron chuckled, for the first time in hours, his brain was quiet. I just don’t have any more condoms.

Flora pulled away to look at him with a smirk. I cleared you out, huh?

My love, we had sex three times in five hours. You cleared me out and emptied me, Cameron kissed her cheek, making her giggle. I was going to get more before you came back home.

It’s fine. We don’t need them, Flora shrugged.

Cameron froze. We don’t?

No, Flora chuckled, quickly seeing his terrified expression. I’m on birth control.

Okay, but how long have you been on it? Like more than a few weeks? And do you actually take it every day? And-

Whoa, whoa, easy, Flora signed as she saw his hands flying. I don’t use the pill. I got an implant in my arm.

Cameron had no idea there was even an implant option, and there was no hiding his nerves because he knew nothing about it. I don’t know, he shook his head.

Are you okay? Like, clean? Flora was starting to grow anxious about how he was acting.

Yeah, I’m clean, Cameron assured her. I’m sorry. It’s just unexpected babies tend to run in my family, and that’s the last thing I need right now.

Flora bit her lip as she nodded, knowing the world has talked about all the young Tomlinson parents. Well, my birth control will work for five years and is 99% effective, she offered him a small smile to ease his worries. I’ve had it for two months now.

Cameron looked at her, and without even thinking, his eyes were crinkling. They had their first date just over two months ago, and Cameron knew she did it for him, for them.

And it’s working? Like we can- he motioned between them, swearing his heart was thudding in his ears.

Flora nodded as she chuckled fondly at how nervous he was being. It works a week after getting it. I just didn’t tell you when we first had sex because I saw you being so anal about needing condoms, she slightly teased him.

Cameron’s cheeks went red, trying to hide his bashful laugh as he rubbed a hand over his face. So, no babies, even if we don’t use a condom?

No babies, Flora’s dimples appeared as she rolled her eyes playfully.

Cameron didn’t know those words could turn him on, but they did, and he was quickly pulling his girlfriend in until Flora’s lips were heavily pressed against his.

The blue-eyed lad was expecting not to fall asleep tonight. He was sure his world was collapsing, and the pieces would be too much work to pick up. But Flora helped him clean some of the mess up, in his room, but most importantly, in his mind.

Things aren’t perfect; they never will be, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. But there are joys in life, some a fraction small, and others as big as dreams. Cameron has one of those dreams in his arms, and he has to remind himself it’s one he gets to have day after day.

The Next Evening- Rory's POV

Rory picked his head off Emerson’s lap to yawn but quickly placed it back down and closed his eyes again.

“Love, you’ve been exhausted all day,” Emerson ran their fingers through his hair; Rory has been couch-bound since getting out of bed. “Are you sure you want to go to your parents tonight?”

“Definitely,” Rory mumbled tiredly as he rolled so his nose was in his partner’s stomach. “Cam wants to surprise everyone and bring Flora over.”

Emerson smiled a little as they massaged Rory’s scalp and felt him humming against them. “I think the family will be screaming,” they chuckled. “Are we still going over Friday for Drag Race?”

“Yeah,” Rory peeked up at them with a grin. “The past few episodes, you’ve been quiet on the show,” he said, a tiny part of him nervous that Emerson was missing Constance.

“I was processing a lot,” they bit their lip as their eyes went to what was playing on the telly. “I knew I fucked up, and I didn’t want to talk to the other queens for them to rub it in my face.”

Rory watched them carefully. In the episodes he’s seen since Emerson has been home, his partner was safe in the competition but not shining. They were just getting by and isolating themselves.

“What’s this week’s challenge?” Rory asked.

“You’ll love this. Snatch game,” Emerson wiggled their eyebrows at him.

“No way,” Rory was suddenly awake as he sat up from their lap. “What celebrity did you choose to impersonate for the game? Please tell me, Cher. You do such a good Cher,” he groaned.

“Too many queens do Cher, you know that,” Emerson scoffed. “I’ve known who I’ve wanted to impersonate since we started watching Drag Race 4 years ago.”

Rory furrowed their eyebrows, his partner never giving him any clues. “Who?”

“You’ll see Friday,” Emerson pecked his lips. “But it’s time we force Cameron and Flora to emerge from his room. We need to get going.”

Rory let out a deep breath as he got off the couch and headed for the hallway. He hadn’t seen his brother or Flora all day, but he did know for certain they were up when the sun came peeking through the windows.

“Hey, mate,” Rory knocked on Cameron’s door and shuffled on his feet as he waited.

There was some slight rustling on the other end, but his twin answered with raised eyebrows. “What’s up?”

“C’mere,” Rory motioned with his finger for Cameron to step into the hallway.

Cameron was visibly confused as he took a few steps away from his room and slightly shut the door behind him.

“How are you?” Rory asked, not talking to him since they got home last night.

“Uhm, fine. Ya know, Flora is here, so that helps,” Cameron offered him a small smile, not wanting him to worry.

“I’m sure it helps,” Rory scoffed before laughing. “So, did she fuck you back to sanity?

Cameron went wide-eyed. “W-what?” He stammered out.

“Oh yeah, it’s my turn, you arse,” Rory smirked at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I went to the loo at like 6-something this morning, and I’ve never pissed so quick to sprint away from the monstrosity I heard-”

“Okay, okay, enough,” Cameron gritted out as he eyed him.

Rory hid his laugh behind his hand, loving nothing more than to grind his gears a bit. “Really though, are you feeling alright? Like, do you still want to go tonight?”

Cameron let out a deep breath, needing to forget what Rory had just said. “I’m good, I swear,” he nodded at him. “I think everyone will be happy to meet Flora, too. Give them a little surprise.”

“I bet you £100 pop cries,” Rory put his hand out for Cameron to shake.

Cameron thought about it for a second, needing to place bets carefully with his twin. “I’ll up you. If he starts crying and runs to Flora, you give £1,000 to charity.”

“Bet,” Rory immediately said as he shook his twin’s hand. “I love having money.”

“Put it to good use,” Cameron poked Rory’s forehead. “Give Flora and me ten minutes, and we’ll be out.”

Rory nodded back at him before heading back into the living room. “Cam seems to be in good spirits,” he said as he sat back down with Emerson on the couch. “They’ll be out soon, and we can leave.”

“Great,” they smiled back at him and cuddled into Rory’s side.

“I’m excited to see Cody, but also watch you play with the girls,” Rory kissed Emerson’s temple as he wrapped an arm around them. “Maybe we can bring make-up and have some fun.”

Emerson gasped as they sat up. “Please,” they looked at Rory seriously. “You know, as soon as we do the girls’ make-up, they’ll make Cody and TJ, and tonight we could finally get Cam to!” Emerson tried not to squeal.

The lightbulb went off in Rory’s head. “There’s no way he can deny Flora the sight of our nieces putting make-up on him,” he smiled widely. “You’re a genius. I love you,” Rory kissed Emerson quickly before sprinting for his room to get a bag together.

In a flash Rory grabbed his make-up bag and started loading it with the essentials. Of course, he didn’t grab any of the expensive stuff, knowing his nieces would probably destroy it all. But any make-up brought would all be sacrificed for a beautiful cause.

“Oh God, he has his purse.”

Rory scowled as he walked into the living room and saw Cameron smirking at him, and Flora looked at him curiously. “It’s not a purse,” he muttered as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder.

“If it looks like a purse and holds make-up like a purse, it’s a purse,” Cameron rolled his eyes as he laughed just before Flora elbowed him.

“I’d watch your mouth, Cam. You might want to be nice to Rory,” Emerson was as careful as they could be with their warning, smiling as their boyfriend smirked at them.

“Personally, I love the bag. It’s very you. You look great,” Flora gestured to Rory up and down.

She loved his outfit: navy blue chinos, a gray T-shirt, and an orange cardigan. His lavender bag stood out. All of it was Rory, very colorful and unique.

“Thank you,” Rory smiled as he placed his hand on his hip and did a little pose that got Emerson and Flora laughing.

Cameron rolled his eyes, but he was smiling nonetheless as he watched his twin act as if he were on a catwalk through their living room. “C’mon, dancing queen. Let’s go,” he grabbed Flora’s hand and started heading for the door.

“Will you let me have a moment to show off my outfit? I work hard on them,” Rory huffed as he and Emerson followed them out, and he locked the door behind them.

“Well, luckily, you have eight other people to twirl in front of,” Cameron teased him as he pushed the button for the lift.

Rory hummed, knowing it took no effort to get their nieces to put on a fashion show or strike a pose.

The four of them got to the bottom floor and out to the car park. They all loaded up in Cameron’s car and, in no time, were on their way to Louis and Harry’s.

“How are you feeling, Flora? Are you nervous?” Rory checked in, seeing her hand was firm on Cameron’s leg as his twin drove.

“A little,” Flora breathed out shakily, and as she did, her boyfriend reached for her hand and brought them up to kiss her’s. “Of course, it’s so nice you can all sign. It makes everything easier,” she said through a timid laugh. “But it’s still meeting the boyfriend’s family.”

“It’ll be great,” Cameron smiled at her before looking back to the road. “They’ll all be so excited, and I’m sorry, I’m warning you now, they’re huggers,” he chuckled, and Rory hummed his agreement.

“Really, they’re all amazing, and everyone is so easy to talk to. You got this,” Emerson gently patted her shoulder from the back seat.

Flora nodded with a slight smile, not knowing that when she came back to Cameron, she would be meeting some of his family. It was nerve-wracking, but she had to remind herself of all the wonderful things she’s been told about them.

When they pulled up to the house, Cameron and Rory were the first ones out, and they both walked to the other side of the car to get the door for their partners.

“True gentlemen,” Emerson laughed quietly as they got out of the car and pecked Rory’s lips.

“You okay?” Cameron asked Flora softly as he offered her his hand.

“Yeah,” Flora tried to smile past her nerves as she took his hand and stepped out of the car.

“Relax, love,” Cameron said as they walked to the front, in a bit of a rush with the December chill knocking into them. “You’ll look back on this, and we’ll joke about how nervous you were for nothing.”

Flora felt her cheeks going warm despite the cold as she nodded and let out a sheepish laugh. “Alright, yeah,” she said quietly.

Cameron kissed her forehead before reaching for the door handle and pushing it open.

“Don’t say anything until we go to the kitchen,” Rory quietly followed them in.

Cameron snickered as he nodded, all of them kicking off their shoes and trying not to make a peep as they walked through the foyer and to the kitchen. They could hear their dad and pop talking, and as soon as Cameron stepped foot through the doorway he made their presence known.

“Hey guys,” he said as he gently pulled Flora to follow him in.

Louis looked over, about to say a happy hello, just before he froze at the breakfast bar and went wide-eyed, seeing the girl with his son.

“Hey, love. I’m just getting some tea ready if you want- oh my God!!” Harry yelped as he turned around from the counter and startled himself so much at his scream that he dropped the cup he was holding.

“Harry,” Louis groaned as he saw the broken pieces fly everywhere.

Harry’s eyes went to the broken mug and back to Flora, not even caring about the shard's pieces before rushing for the green-eyed girl. “Oh my God- holy, wow, hi,” he didn’t know why, but his eyes went cloudy as he hugged her. It’s so nice to meet you, I just- Harry pulled away to look at her. You’re gorgeous, and Cameron has been talking our ears off for months about you, and we’ve been so excited to meet you, he signed and said before wiping a tear away. They’re happy tears, I’m sorry, he signed sheepishly.

Cameron nudged Rory. Pay up. Pick your charity, he signed, making his twin laugh and nod.

“It’s great to meet you too, Mr.Tomlinson,” Flora smiled at him, loving to hear that Cameron has talked about her so much.

“Harry, please,” Harry said and signed. “And babe, love, come here,” he eagerly waved his husband over.

“Oh, don’t mind me, just picking up one of my favorite mugs,” Louis cracked his back as he stood up from bending over.

“Come on, old man. Waddle over here,” Cameron teased and quickly earned a glare from his father.

Louis picked up as much as he could from the mug, not wanting anything sharp on the floor with so many little feet around. But meeting Flora was definitely a high priority.

“Hi, love, it’s great to meet you, finally. I’m Louis,” Louis said and signed before giving her a small hug and looking at Cameron. “About fucking time.”

Flora laughed as the older man pulled away, and she saw her boyfriend’s face turn red. “It’s really nice to meet you too, Louis. My brother has really loved playing on your team.”

“Hey, whisper in his ear that I want him for as long as he wants to stay. He’s a hell of a player,” Louis said honestly. “Cam told us you two met at the stadium.”

“Well, not met, but we uh, like saw each other, and Mata gave me her phone number,” Cameron was growing more nervous than Flora at this point, having no clue what his family would say.

“You asked for my number,” Flora teasingly nudged him.

Louis hummed as he smiled at his boy. “Quiet but bold. Careful with this one,” he winked at Cameron, making him slightly eye him. “We thought you were in Spain for the holidays.”

Flora bit her lip as she glanced at Cameron and saw her boyfriend subtly nod at her. “Well, Cam called me last night, and I thought it’d be best if I came back for a few days. I wanted to be here for him.”

Louis and Harry were taken aback, and they could tell by their son’s small, grateful smile that she really helped him. Seeing Cameron tonight was completely different from last night. There was a light behind his eyes. He was here and present, with a want to be.

“That’s very sweet of you, love. Thank you,” Harry smiled at her. “You all go in the living room, have fun in the chaos while I clean my mess up and finish dinner.”

Cameron was about to follow Rory and Emerson to the other room, but he quickly caught his dad’s eye and saw the subtle thumbs-up and grin he sent him. It made him duck his head to hide his smile as he grabbed Flora’s hand and headed for the living room.

“Are you ready for this?” Cameron said to Flora with a wide grin.

“Ready for what?” Flora asked him confused.

Cameron wiggled his eyebrows before getting Rory’s attention. “Rory, can we play the game with the twins?”

“Sure,” Rory chuckled as they walked into the living room.

Cameron could tell Flora was completely lost, but this was one of his favorite things to do with his nieces. “Hey guys!” He said happily as he saw Amelia running around with the twins.

Cameron made sure he was standing right next to Rory, and the babies immediately squealed and clapped seeing them. Watch this. This is how they tell us apart, he signed to Flora before Rory opened his arms, and Cameron crouched down.

“Uncle Cam!” Amelia tried to stop him, but it did no use as Cameron mocked the babys’ shrieks and opened his arms for them.

“No, no, don’t go to him!” Rory tried to wave them over as they started running for Cameron.

“C’mere girls!” Cameron was trying just as hard to get their attention. “You know I’m your favorite uncle!”

Rory groaned as both Harley and Quinn wobbled their way right into Cameron’s arms. “They only like you ‘cause you scream like a maniac.”

“They get a good giggle,” Cameron smiled fondly as he stood up with the twins and kissed them each. “Babe, this is Harley and Quinn, Cody’s twin daughters. And that lil peanut is Amelia,” he introduced as he brought the babies to Flora.

The green-eyed girl looked at her boyfriend, nothing but affection behind her eyes. “We said no babies now, but I better see you as a dad someday.”

Cameron knew he was blushing as his girlfriend smiled so much her dimples appeared. The way she was looking at him made him feal weak, but for all the right reasons.

“Someday,” Cameron grinned back at her before pecking her lips.

The twins started wiggling in his arms, and they both reached for Rory, which had his twin squealing for joy.

“I heard a man-boy shriek coming down the stairs. I know Cam is here,” Cody laughed as he came into the room but went still at the doorway as he saw the girl he’d been hearing about for months. “Holy-” Wow, fuck, hi! It’s amazing to meet you! He signed excitedly before rushing in.

I should be saying that to you, Mr. Billionaire, Flora laughed before Cody gave her a quick hug.

Please, boy billionaire, is just fine, Cody winked at her and jokingly waved off, making her laugh, and Cameron rolled his eyes. This is the best surprise and-

“Dada!” Quinn yelled and signed before reaching for Cody from Rory’s arms.

“Hi, love,” the curly-haired lad grunted and coughed, needing to catch his daughter as she lunged for him.

Where’s papa? Quinn asked before cuddling into his chest.

“The babies can sign?” Flora looked at her wide-eyed. “How old are they?” She was shocked. The signing was messy but understandable.

“They’ll be 2 next month,” Cody smiled at his little girl before kissing her head. “Time really flies by.”

Cameron couldn’t help his face from falling a bit as he saw his brother holding onto Quinn tightly. He had to push out the thought of Cody being scared of having limited time left. Cameron couldn’t let his mind fall down that rabbit hole.

“Where is TJ, mate?” Rory asked as he lifted Harley above his head and got her giggling.

“He’s upstairs having a bath. He’s not feeling all that great,” Cody said quietly. “I see you brought your purse. Are you trying to paint his face later?”

Cameron let out a snort into his hand, trying to hide his laughter as Rory scowled.

“It’s pretty, Ror. I just feel a little threatened that you’re trying to out-gay me,” Cody smirked back at him.

“Not trying, succeeding,” Rory rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms over his chest, and at his sassy expression, Cameron let out a barking laugh. “I beat you out fashion-wise-”

“I’m sorry, do you have a custom-made Gucci green silk floral print, three-piece suit?” Cody raised his eyebrows, ready to go to battle over this.

Flora gently tugged on Cameron’s arm, her smile reaching her eyes as she watched Cody and Rory. Are they really arguing over who is gayer?

Cameron chuckled and nodded as Rory snapped back, saying that at least he listens to Madonna and Cody doesn’t. Welcome to my family, he rolled his eyes fondly.

“I’ve met Elton John. He called me a gay icon and gave me a signed bejeweled jacket,” Cody knew Rory couldn’t top that, and his little brother quickly shut his mouth. “Fight me.”

“Money bought your gayness. I’m all-natural,” Rory placed his hands on his hips.

Cody scoffed. “You wear £1,000 Dior derby shoes casually. You use plastic to spruce yourself up, too.”

“Alright, that was gay,” Cameron snickered at Cody. “What the hell are Dior derby shoes?”

Both Cody and Rory looked at him like he was the ridiculous one for not knowing. “Tell me, Cam, how would you describe Rory’s shoes?” Cody asked.

Cameron opened his mouth but didn’t know what to say as he shrugged. “Uhm, brown?”

Suddenly, every adult in the room was laughing, and Cameron had no idea why, making his face go red.

“C’mere, mate,” Cody tried to calm his laughter as he hugged Cameron as best he could with Quinn on his hip. “You’re adorable, and it’s great to see you smiling,” he said softly, not knowing how much relief he would get seeing crinkles by his brother’s eyes.

“Sorry about yesterday,” Cameron bit his lip as he pulled away from him. “I promise I won’t zombie out tonight, and we’ll have some fun gaming,” he laughed quietly to keep the mood light.

“Alright, we’ll play after dinner,” Cody was more than happy to have a tournament. “You two need to go say hi to the little superstar downstairs, though,” he looked between Cameron and Flora. “I need to sit and stay put for a little.”

Flora nodded, knowing Cody had to be talking about Charlie, and with how much Cameron talks about his little sister, she was a Tomlinson Flora was very eager to meet.

“Whatever Charlie says about me, don’t believe it,” Cameron took Flora’s hand to led her to the basement.

Flora scoffed. “She helps your heart sing. I’m going to believe every word she says.”

Cameron was slightly terrified, but when he walked into the kitchen, he was mortified, seeing his parents snogging. “Guys, c’mon,” he groaned before stomping out of the kitchen and making sure Flora hurried after him.

And good thing he did too, because Louis and Harry did nothing but shrug before continuing kissing.

“Don’t get mad at them. We do the same thing when we cook,” Flora chuckled as she noticed Cameron trying rush away.

“My dad will literally grab my pop’s arse anywhere. The grocery store, on the street, and in restaurants. The man has zero shame,” Cameron rolled his eyes; whenever he goes out with his parents, he’s ready to be embarrassed.

Flora smiled a little hearing that. “They’re in love,” she said softly.

Cameron glanced at her, and quickly he saw the dream behind her eyes. “Is that what I need to do to get you to fall in love with me? Grab your arse more?” He teased through a shaky laugh, trying to hide his nerves.

Flora’s smile reached her eyes as she shrugged. “It wouldn’t hurt,” she muttered as Cameron opened the basement door for her.

“Oh?” Cameron raised his eyebrows with a challenging smirk and quickly saw Flora look at him with nervous excitement. “C’mere then.”

“Cam!” Flora yelped as he squeezed her bum, and she scurried away, but he started to chase after her down the stairs playfully.

“Oh, no, c’mere!” Cameron laughed as he wrapped an arm around Flora’s waist and lifted her with one arm to pull his girlfriend into his chest.

Flora let out a startled laugh as she was picked up, and of course, Cameron’s free hand cupped her bum.

“Uh, hi?” Charlie walked out of the music room with furrowed eyebrows.

“Kiddo, hey,” Cameron said, a bit startled and breathless as he put Flora down.

“What’re you doing?” The 12-year-old was growing more entertained as she looked between the two with bright red faces.

Cameron let out a nervous laugh as he shrugged and met Flora’s eyes. “Getting her to fall in love with me.”

“Cameron!” Charlie squealed and sprinted at her brother to wrap him in a tight hug. “You are so disgusting, I love it!” She yelled into his chest before letting go and smiling widely at Flora. “I have waited so long to meet you, and I totally see why Cam is writing love songs. You’re gorgeous.”

Flora was surprised, and her dimples were noticeable when she saw Charlie's excitement. “Have you helped him with all of his songs?”

“Eh, only a couple. I just kind of help him with harder piano stuff,” Charlie shrugged. “His brain is definitely wired differently. He can literally come up with lyrics for a whole song on the spot.”

Flora’s jaw went slack, and she froze. “What?” She couldn’t believe it.

“Yeah, he didn’t tell you?” Charlie was smiling despite her brother looking terrified. “C’mon! Cam, you gotta show her!” She grabbed Flora’s hand and giddily led her to the music room. “He comes up with stuff as fast as Eminem but has a total sad-boy mood.”

“Charlie, no. I-I mean, I-” Cameron didn’t know what to say as he nervously followed after them.

“Just close your eyes and pace like you always do. You got this,” Charlie said as they stepped inside the room.

Cameron felt his heart pound as Flora looked around the room littered with instruments. She was amazed—his girlfriend always is when there’s music around her.

“Charlie, are you able to make songs easily, too?” Flora grinned at the 12-year-old as she sat at the piano.

“I guess,” Charlie smiled sheepishly. “It’s definitely easier than what Cam does, though. I know he likes to match verses 1 and 3, and then match verses 2 and 4. Chorus, he always picks it up. We know each other’s patterns.”

Cameron let out a small laugh as Flora offered him an encouraging grin. His first thought brought him back to last night, how he wrote and got lost. Cameron was nervous about what he would come up with on the spot, but maybe he could rise above the anxiety. He was in a house full of people who loved him, which was enough inspiration.

“You okay?” Flora asked carefully as she saw Cameron let out trembling breaths and pace a little.

“I’m okay. This is just what I do,” he laughed sheepishly.

“He does,” Charlie nodded along. With her brother pacing, she knew she could reach for the keys.

Cameron rolled his eyes but smiled as he walked back and forth in front of the piano. “Give me a few opening notes, kid,” he tried to even his breathing. “I’m gonna try to let go with this one,” Cameron felt like he was almost talking to himself.

“Sing to yourself, Cam. Those are always the best ones,” Charlie offered him a small grin.

Cameron smiled back timidly but nodded as he began to pace again.

Charlie watched her brother carefully and began to play a few notes gently. As soon as the noise of the piano filled the room, Cameron closed his eyes and bobbed his head with the music.

Like always, the 12-year-old was smiling as she watched Cameron begin to process, and when she glanced over at Flora, Charlie’s eyes were crinkling. The older girl had her phone out, clearly recording, but her gaze was set on Cameron with an adoring expression.

Charlie continued to play, giving Cameron a key signature and tempo, and the more she played, the more the blue-eyed lad rocked back and forth with the music. She saw her brother take in a careful breath, and Charlie knew the floodgates were about to break.

A/N Bold- Cameron Singing

Come home, come home

I know you’ve roamed, I know you’ve roamed

x2

Charlie smiled as she saw Cameron keeping his eyes closed and taking in a heavy breath. She could read him and could tell he was singing for himself.

You came flying out of the corner that you’re no longer in

You felt hurt in your heart, but you felt wind on your skin

And I know you rose

And I know you rose

You keep guarding that garden, and it won't be let in

And I heard Mr. Garvy say the night will always win

And I fear he's right

We'll light a fire, bring the light, there's magic in the night

Cameron nodded at Charlie and opened his eyes, giving his sister the silent message to take off on the piano for a moment. Immediately as she picked up, Cameron quickly tapped on his thighs with the beat as he got into it and continued pacing. But as he did, he caught Flora recording and watching him, his heart thudding and words easy as he saw her enamored stare.

Up on rooftops, and you know

We’ll stay there in the evening glow

Fields of purple breeze that´s thrown

But I wish right now that I could grow

Cameron smiled as the word came out powerfully. He wanted to grow and tackle the coming months.

Cameron let out a few deep breaths as Charlie slowed down, and it gave his mind a moment to as well. His little sister could see he needed a second. As he sang, he was talking to himself, silencing the voices and telling himself he could change.

Be strong

Be strong

It won't be long

It won't be long

x2

Cameron had the smallest smile, nodding as he knew what he was about to sing was more than true.

Now I'm homeward-bound, it's homely ground

The night's rolling in

Keep those thoughts in the frosts

In the air is cold and thin but I'm warm as hell

You've warmed me well

As Charlie’s fingers glided along the keys, Cameron caught Flora’s eye and felt his heart dip with the way she was watching him. His girlfriend was proud; she was amazed and looked at him in a way that warmed him to his core. Maybe he wanted to show off a little now and walked over to the piano to sit with Charlie.

The 12-year-old’s face lit up as Cameron began to play the instrument with her, the two smiling widely at one another as he followed her lead.

Up on rooftops, and you know

We’ll stay there in the evening glow

Fields of purple breeze that's thrown

But I wish right now that I could grow

Cameron’s voice echoed in the room, and he and Charlie were playing ever so slowly, going quiet. Cameron pulled his hands away from the keys first but watched his little sister with a smile as she swayed with her final notes.

“Wonderful, as always,” Charlie smiled at Cameron, and the smile reached her eyes as her brother pulled her into his side for a hug. “And this one got recorded.”

“Guys, what the hell?!” Flora looked at the pair, shocked. “Does anyone know you can do this?!”

“He gets shy,” Charlie rolled her eyes, not understanding why when her brother sounds the way he does and comes up with lyrics effortlessly. “Seriously, Cam, flaunt it,” she said, getting the blue-eyed lad to laugh bashfully.

“We need to show your family the video. You have to, Cam,” Flora couldn’t believe he’s been hiding this.

“What?” His eyes went wide. “Guys, c’mon, you’re an audience enough and-”

“Charlie, take it and run! I’ll hold him off!” Flora quickly passed the 12-year-old her phone, and Charlie sprinted away with it.

“Charlie!” Cameron screamed and tried to chase after her, but his girlfriend jumped on his back. “Flora! Jesus!” He tried to steady her so she wouldn’t fall.

“Let it happen!” Flora let all of her weight fall on him.

“Need I remind you? You’re tiny,” Cameron said, getting her to wrap her legs around him. Then he took off for the stairs.

Flora was shocked as he carried her effortlessly, unable to help her laugh as he stomped up the stairs.

“Charlie!” Cameron screamed as he bee-lined it for the living room, but too late.

His entire family was crowded around the 12-year-old as she showed them the video. Flora jumped off his back, but Cameron was frozen, seeing them all stunned and smiling widely.

“Cam! What the hell?!” Rory shrieked.

“Mate, are you some type of savant? What the hell is this?” Cody was shocked and beaming at his brother.

Cameron opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and his pop was quickly rushing to hug him.

“You’ve always been talented, but this is beautiful,” Harry squeezed him tightly.

The blue-eyed lad let out a bashful laugh as he hugged him back. "Thanks, pop.”

“Flora, you better post that immediately. My kids are superstars,” Louis smiled softly as he looked between Charlie and Cameron.

Cameron wasn’t expecting the sudden rush he felt seeing everyone so proud of them. He’s always been scared to be so vulnerable, for people to hear what goes on in his head. But his family was happy, they were surprised, and after yesterday Cameron felt like he owed it to them a little bit.

His family is always there for him; he can be present for them.

Chapter Text

1 Week Later- Mid-December

Louis perked his head up as he heard one of the twins over the baby monitor. As he peeked at the screen on his bedside table, he could see Harley climbing out of her crib.

“Oh, how I’ve missed this,” Harry chuckled next to him on the bed as he kept his eyes on his laptop.

Louis hummed, his smile reminiscent as he climbed out from under the covers and headed for the hallway. It’s become routine with both of the twins. They try desperately to sneak into Cody and TJ’s room, but he and Harry want to give them as much time to sleep as they can.

“Miss thing, stop right there,” Louis said, making the 1-year-old freeze her waddling and slowly turn around with her blanket in her hand to face him.

“Gaga, no,” Harley pouted as her grandpa picked her up. “Go dada”

“I’m sorry love, you gotta let your daddies rest,” Louis said softly and kissed her head before taking her the other way down the hall. “Come cuddle with your gaga’s for the night,” he chuckled.

Harley rested her head on his shoulder but kept peeking towards her daddy's door.

“Hey peanut, you trying to sneak around the house?” Harry put his laptop off to the side and took Harley as Louis passed her to him.

“No,” Harley grumbled as she cuddled into his chest.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his granddaughter, and Louis seemed just as perplexed at her grumpy tone. “Are you sleepy, love? What’s going on?” He rubbed her back as Louis climbed into bed next to him.

No sleep. I want daddy. No see daddy, Harley scowled.

Harry looked down at her and, at the same time, noticed his husband’s face fall. Your daddy doesn’t feel well, and your papa is growing your little brother. They’re both very tired, he explained as easily as possible, his heart breaking that he had at all and to a baby.

See papa! No see daddy! Daddy sleep!

“Love,” Louis said softly as he gently grabbed Harley’s hands, hearing her grumble with frustration.

His gaze went to Harry, and Louis could see how tightly he was holding their granddaughter, could see the tears he was trying desperately to hold back. The twins are barely 2, they have no idea what’s going on, only that they miss their dad.

Harley, your daddy needs to rest to get better. And we want him better, yeah? Louis signed slowly, seeing her eyes watch him carefully.

The 1-year-old barely nodded, but Louis could see her close to crying as she hid her face in Harry’s chest.

He hated the lost look behind Harry’s eyes, but Louis felt just the same. Luckily, being in Harry’s arms and knowing what time it was, it didn’t take long for Harley to be rocked to sleep. As soon as they heard her little snores, their gazes met.

“How the hell do we explain this?” Louis whispered as he shook his head. His brain was racking with a thousand ideas, but nothing seemed right.

“I don’t know,” Harry’s defeated tone barely murmured through. “His surgery is in 3 weeks, and that’ll be a battle, but chemo…” he trailed off and closed his eyes. “None of this will get easier until he’s cleared.”

Louis knew that, and he hated it. Already, the girls are missing their dad, and this wasn’t even the hardest part they’ll have to face.

“The media has been asking a lot of questions. I guess people in the company are noticing Cody isn’t there,” Louis breathed out just as Harry rolled his eyes.

They both knew this would be headline news worldwide and like always, the media would try to interfere with their business. They didn’t want that for Cody, not only him but all of the kids. As soon as news about one of them breaks, they all suddenly become targets.

“We can talk to him tomorrow about putting out a piece and asking for space as we go through this,” Harry muttered. “Just text all the kids and warn them.”

Louis nodded, unable to help but smile softly as he saw Harry cuddle into bed with Harley on his chest. He missed having a baby he could cuddle with with his husband. The sight of Harry with a baby will never get old; Louis will smile just like he did when the curly-haired lad held Alexis for the first time.

It seemed Harry missed the feeling, too, his grin apparent as he carefully rubbed Harley’s back and kissed her head.