Archive of Our Own ^beta

Six months was simultaneously both a lengthy and a short period of time. One couldn’t fit one semester into six months, but it was still a whole half of one. So, while it was not a whole lifetime, it included nearly 4383 hours one could use for thinking.

Remus had googled it during one desperate evening after missing Sirius like crazy. It didn’t ease his missing the slightest. On the contrary, it reminded Remus more of the quickly approaching hours, days, weeks, and months left to be spent alone.

In the literal sense, Remus was not alone. There were always people around him; when he went to a lecture, there was a smattering of fellow university students sitting strategically alone; there were often elderly ladies gossiping in the same corner store Remus went to get his groceries; the library Remus frequented was never empty.

But Sirius was not there.

Their relationship had been going steady for a year and three months. So, being a person of logic, Remus never expected to suddenly start hesitating. He tended to stand behind his decisions and was not usually one to hesitate, but after six months of only fleeting video calls and forgotten messages, he wasn’t sure anymore.

The firm foundation they had built together had started crumbling little by little, and he did not know how to fix it.

To a certain extent, Remus understood. It must have been very tiring to have a hectic schedule packed with massive concerts, rehearsals, interviews, and travelling. Even less would have kept Sirius busy. Still, their messages and video calls had diminished notably from the earlier, daily calls lasting hours to seldom messages here and there — there could even be days and days of radio silence and then only a “everything’s ok. wby?”.

Remus wanted to stay and wait. Be the loyal boyfriend waiting at home.

But it got exhausting.

The constant stream of dating news did not help the slightest. Whilst Remus knew that Sirius would never cheat on him, he couldn’t lie and say that his insecurities did not get him in some moments. After all, Sirius was surrounded by gorgeous people on a daily.

When the bisexuality of Sirius Black had gotten to the gossip magazines, they had had a feast; there were suddenly many more opportunities for gossip. “Who Is The Lucky Lad? Our Wild Star Has Been Caught!”, “Sirius Black’s Newest Fling” the headlines yelled from the online magazines, which only people in need of a daily dose of gossip read.

It was ridiculous that those magazines made up news about celebrities to simply gain profit. It had never stood right with Remus, how people could play with other people’s personal lives to get some extra clicks and cash flows. That is not to say that he never clicked them open. As time went by, it seemed to be harder to not do so.

I’m just curious of what he’s been doing, Remus explained to himself, when he started skimming through another article by the New&Hot magazine. This one was called ‘The Ins and Outs of Sirius Black’s Dating Life’.

Stopping his scrolling, Remus stumbled upon a picture of a familiar-looking, beautiful woman with ginger hair. Right next to him was Sirius smiling his dazzling smile.

There he was spending time with all these model-like people, while Remus spent his Friday evening alone in his tiny apartment eating food from a takeaway box. No wonder he had forgotten about Remus.

He felt suddenly incredibly small. Emptiness filled him; it felt as though even the last of his lingering hopes had also fell out. What now?

He decided to ask for advice from his closest friend. He felt shame bile up in his throat, as he typed out a message to Sirius’ bandmate and his long-time best friend. It felt like either he or James was betraying Sirius, although they were all friends before Remus and Sirius even got romantically involved.

A notification jumped to his screen right away, signalling an answer.
‘Yeah, ofc I have time. I’ll call.’

Remus accepted the call and was immediately engulfed in James’ voice. He sounded cheerful, although the tiredness could be heard through.

—

“Rem, is everything okay?” the tone quickly changed to worried, when Remus didn’t get anything out except from harsh breaths. “You still there, mate?”

“Yup, still here,” Remus got out. He struggled to get the rest out. “Actually, I… I don’t think everything’s okay,” he laughed bitterly. “It’s about Sirius. I think we should–we should call it off”.

James said hastily, “Oh, I… can’t say I was expecting that. Why do you think you should do that?” Remus had never heard James sound so worried.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore; I mean how could he–“

“What do you mean Remus? I don’t think it is even possible for Sirius to not love you,” James interrupted. “I have never seen anyone so utterly devoted to someone like Sirius is to you. He is constantly speaking about you and nobody in a 10-mile radius can miss his love for you. We have actually banned the usage of your name in our practice rooms due to this–wait sorry, I’m getting out of track. Point is, there must be some kind of misunderstanding going on if that is how you think.”

Voice desperate, Remus muttered back sadly, “Then why doesn’t he call or text me anymore? We used to constantly text back and forth, but now it feels like it’s a chore to him. I have no idea what to do. James, what can I do?”

The tears that had started flowing some time ago now begun to pour more rapidly. “And I–I want to believe you, I truly do, but he doesn’t show his care anymore... Maybe we really should break up.”

“No, Remus! Before you make abrupt decisions, talk with him! Do you want me to get him now? I can get him. SIRI– “

“No. Please, James. I don’t want to do this either, but there are no other options. It just doesn’t work anymore.”

“But Re–“

—

The phone tooted as a mark of an ending, as Remus broke down. His tears fell as a waterfall, as he tried to gasp for air in between his hiccups. The walls came closer, and Remus wanted to scream, but no voice came out. After what felt like hours, Remus took a few wobbly steps, reached his bed, and collapsed down.

Remus couldn’t sleep at all during the night, and so when the first rays of sunshine peeked through his curtains, he could just barely keep his eyes open. Well, that was a common occurrence for Remus — not being able to sleep — but it was all much worse this time.

So much worse.

And he was certain it was not going to get any better.