Chapter Text
The first thing Mu Qing felt was his head being split open. Well, it felt like it was being split open… with a dull saw.
He blinked once, nothing. Twice, everything was too blurry to make sense of.
Mu Qing’s heart skipped then began beating fast in his aching chest. He was alive. Alive and in pain. Although he couldn’t see fully just yet. His senses weren’t completely out of it.
He wasn’t drenched in water. But he could feel the dull ache along his body and the throbbing, excoriating ache that was torturing his head.
One thing was for sure, he was still alive. Not hooked up to loud beating machines and a ventilator. Just alive. And even if Mu Qing believed firmly in the afterlife, he knew it wouldn’t be like this. The afterlife couldn’t make someone feel like such shit upon their first arrival.
“Mu Qing?” a soft voice called. Mu Qing immediately registered it as one of the last people he wanted to see in this state. “Mu Qing, are you alright? I can see you blinking, there’s no need to feel embarrassed.”
Embarrassed? Really? Was that the word to describe the terrible dread Mu Qing was feeling? Embarrassment was quite insignificant among the emotions stirring in his mind.
“I’m fine,” Mu Qing grumbled. He knew his reply wasn’t going to get him anywhere, especially not with such a tone but what else was he supposed to say at this point? He’d failed at something so simple and was now laid out on a bed to bear the consequences of it.
Mu Qing blinked his eyes a few more times, his vision finally clearing. It was much less bright than he imagined it’d be.
His expectation of a dotted white ceiling and a beeping monitor were missing. It wasn’t a hospital. And he couldn’t recognize it as a place he’d been to before. So exactly where was he?
Mu Qing never expected his first words once he woke up from a near-death experience would be the cliché ones he heard in dramatic soap operas, but it was the only one he could ask. “Where am I?”
“You don’t recognize your own room? I checked your injuries, the attack shouldn’t have been that brutal…” the familiar voice in its confusion trailed off.
“My room? What are you talking about?” Mu Qing questioned, he pushed against the dull ache in his body and sat up. “And what attack, I—”
When Mu Qing fully processed the scene before him, his words stopped in his throat. The room was… there was no other way to describe it but identical to a scene of a wealthy young master’s bedroom in those unnecessarily long historical dramas.
Mu Qing turned his head and met Xie Lian’s concerned gaze.
Xie Lian?
Why did Xie Lian look like the servant of the wealthy young master of this random historical drama set?
“Why are you dressed like that?” Mu Qing asked, his eyes sweeping over Xie Lian and the rest of the room, then himself. He fumbled with the short long-sleeved robe tied around his waist. He was also dressed as a wealthy young master—a wounded one, that is. “Why am I dressed like this? And where am I?!”
“Mu Qing, please calm down. I’m sure the impact on your head is just making you confused,” Xie Lian stood to go towards Mu Qing, his hands up as if he were approaching a startled animal. “The demon wasn’t investigated in time, so we weren’t able to find out what it’d do if it attacked you.”
Mu Qing, just as a scared, limping deer would, scooted away. Even as he struggled to scoot his body farther into the bed, Xie Lian didn’t relent in his pursuit. Mu Qing was completely disoriented.
Was he dead? Did he reincarnate to some slightly younger version of himself in the past? That makes no sense. Maybe he transmigrated? Mu Qing’s mind raced over the numerous comics, books, and shows he’d watched about transmigration and any stories relevant to what he was experiencing. But one big factor was missing. There was no Xie Lian or himself in those stories so what was happening?!
“STOP!” Mu Qing shouted once he couldn’t scoot any further, and his thoughts hit a dead end. “Just stop moving for a second, please.”
“Okay… as Mu Qing desires,” Xie Lian moved back to his seat beside the bed, his hand adjusting his sleeves back into a neat pile on his lap. “But someone has to check on your injuries.”
“My injuries…” Mu Qing made a motion to move his head once more, but a piercing pain shot through it. He used one hand to touch where he felt the spike of pain and touched what he could only assume were bandages. Why were there bandages on his head? He didn’t remember hitting his head when it happened. But he also couldn’t even recognize the bed he was lying in. Maybe he was having an oddly vivid dream?
Mu Qing was beyond perplexed about his situation. The only conclusion he came to was that this Xie Lian wasn’t the exact same as his own. Whether it was transmigration or maybe some fucked up version of the afterlife… it wasn’t his world. Anything was better than going back. This, Mu Qing, could accept.
So, it was best to play along.
“My… apologies,” Mu Qing spoke carefully. He was unsure how to address this Xie Lian and didn’t want to risk exposing himself as an “imposter” so easily. It’d be better to understand the situation first. “I just woke up a bit confused. My mind feels hazy.”
Xie Lian beamed. “Don’t worry, Mu Qing, happens to the best of us. Just rest up and I can get someone to check your injuries.”
Before Mu Qing could argue or Xie Lian could make his way to the door, someone busted through the entrance with no use of proper etiquette.
“Is he awake? I swear only he and I would go on a mission just for him to return wounded and me unscraped, so now it looks like I let him get chewed on by demons all alone,” Mu Qing’s heart lurched at the sound of Feng Xin’s voice. Tears scraped at his eyes, threatening to cloud his vision. It burned, but he willed them away immediately. This isn’t the same person. It’s not him.
“Feng Xin…” Xie Lian made a move to stand and try to stop Feng Xin’s rant, but the message didn’t get through to him in time.
“Your Highness, you truly must understand how this looks. Making two esteemed gods such as ourselves run up and down the heavens for a decent medic because one of the best is currently unconscious,” Feng Xin took an exasperated breath. “It’s outrageous!”
“Feng Xin!” Xie Lian said through an awkward smile making Feng Xin finally pick up on the tension in the room. He rounded the corner where the door was facing the frame of the bed and Mu Qing’s were crossed protectively over his frame. It was a long moment as he looked over Mu Qing who was very much awake. “Mu Qing has been awake, for a while now.”
Feng Xin knew Xie Lian was referring to the fact that his list of complaints was heard loud and clear, but no amount of shame would allow him to admit that. It wasn’t his fault Mu Qing got hit in the head like a ragdoll.
“My apologies for angering you, Feng Xin,” Mu Qing said his name as simply as he could, but anyone could hear the longing in his tone. He really couldn’t help it, there was so much he wanted to say to him but nothing he could.
“Oh?! His injury must’ve been worse than I thought,” Feng Xin looked between Mu Qing and Xie Lian, an expression of keen annoyance taking the place of his frustration. “Just how badly did that monster hit his head?”
The tone of disdain Mu Qing heard was surprising. He hadn’t heard it spoken so strongly since Feng Xin and he became closer. It was odd hearing it now, the difference between banter and hate. It made him realize how idiotic he was for believing they wouldn’t grow apart. Not when things used to be like this.
Mu Qing couldn’t help but stare at this other Feng Xin. They were similar but unlike in ways Mu Qing couldn’t explain fully. His stature was taller and stronger than the Feng Xin he knew, his presence powerful in a way that was overwhelming, not comforting. But they both had that same cute and familiar burrow in their brows when they were frustrated. Even the slight smirk Feng Xin would have when making fun of others (specifically Mu Qing) was still there. It gave way to that warm feeling in Mu Qing’s chest, allowing it to rise and threaten to swallow him whole. Just why was he here of all places?
“How about we ask for a physician to come and give him some space?” Xie Lian deflated the situation just as he would when Mu Qing and Feng Xin fought. Mu Qing nodded solemnly, stealing one last glance at Feng Xin before looking at his thumbs as he fiddled with them in his lap. “Would you like me to bring your saber, Mu Qing?”
Feng Xin had already left with an exasperated sigh when the question was asked leaving Mu Qing without words to say. Instead, he glazed over the question completely and only replied with a shake of his head.
“Alright.”
After Xie Lian left, Mu Qing pondered on what was happening.
At first, when he saw Xie Lian he assumed he’d been knocked unconscious, and this was some weird dream of his. But he could feel real pain, the dull thrum in his bones and pulsing ache in his head. But then he saw Feng Xin. Details of the man he loved so well carved into that person who acted nothing like him but similar in many ways, it was too well constructed to be a dream.
So maybe he was dead. Mu Qing died when he drowned and now he was transmigrated into some alternative reality of his own. That’s why things had odd similarities and he could feel his body was stronger, more agile but still his own.
It worked? It worked and I escaped to the place I tried so hard to leave.
Mu Qing’s eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t stop them from spilling this time now that he was alone. His mind spiraled as it did almost every day when he was being buried in the panic of his mind. Everything was going to end up the same for him. It always did. He was stuck experiencing the same beginning and end.
Mu Qing heard the voice of the physician asking for permission to enter. He didn’t know how he ended up making him go away. His face was red and puffy, tears unending. He couldn’t tell if he had shouted or not when a wave of energy coursed through him. It felt so foreign and powerful. The emotions swirling through his mind making every movement incoherent.
Enough moments passed till Mu Qing just relinquished himself to a wave of tiredness. He slept unruly and bothered for an unknown amount of time. Every moment that passed, even in his sleep, he wished that he wouldn’t wake again.
∞
Mu Qing’s body lay limp on the hospital bed. Medical devices hooked up to various parts of his body. A monitor beeped indiscriminately in the background. The soft, consistent tap of Hua Cheng’s foot accompanied the dull noise.
A rush of footsteps took Hua Cheng out of his numb stupor.
“Mu Qing?! What happened to him, Hua Cheng? Why is he—” Feng Xin’s voice came in shouts before his figure appeared panting heavily by the door. “What’s this… why is he like—”
“Feng Xin, wait!” Xie Lian pleaded, his voice exhausted. He caught up and stood by the empty doorway, Feng Xin was hovering at Mu Qing’s side. “San Lang, what happened to him? Why isn’t he awake? I thought you said that he drowned.”
“Would you answer us already, you’ve been silent since we came,” Feng Xin spun at Hua Cheng, his eyes red and panting even more evident. Feng Xin felt like his heart was going to come out of his chest from fear.
“He’s not waking up,” Hua Cheng started. Feng Xin wanted to yell for him to explain but Xie Lian held him back, gesturing for him to wait. Hua Cheng lifted his head, his foot finally stopping its tapping. “I saw him at the pier, the one he’d always go to when he got in a fight with you two. I saw him at the edge. I thought he was going to sit or just wanted to walk along it. He did that sometimes. Just walked on the edge when he was frustrated, pacing back and forth.”
“What are you on about? What happened to him? Just spit it out already!” Feng Xin couldn’t hold back anymore. Xie Lian didn’t stop him this time.
“He walked forward. He didn’t even fucking struggle. He just let himself fall and fall. I tried saving him—FUCK I thought I did save him,” tears fell down Hua Cheng’s face as he spoke. “I got him out of the water, and he was coughing at first when I tried to save him. But when I rushed him to the hospital… he was unconscious, and his body kept getting colder.
“They said he’d wake up and he was going to be fine, but he hasn’t. Then some doctor came in and told me he was in a coma. He said he didn’t know how he fell into one. But he’s in a stable condition, he’s just not waking up.”
Feng Xin was silent. Xie Lian too. The whole room fell into silence. Nobody could look at Mu Qing. No one could breathe.
“Why would he fall in? Why would he not try to get out?” Xie Lian asked, breaking the silence. His voice was brittle, on the verge of breaking.
“I think he was trying to…”
“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?! WHY WOULD HE—why would he do that? He was with us last night. We were sleeping and he was fine, so why would he—” Feng Xin’s voice cut off in a choked sob. “It-It just doesn’t… make any sense. Why would he be in a coma…”
“I don’t know,” Hua Cheng replied, not to Feng Xin specifically, not to anyone but himself.
“Mu Qing,” Xie Lian called, silent tears falling from his face.