Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The story is simple and well-known. Natasha, Yelena, Melina, and Alexei were sent together to pretend to be a family on a mission, but what everyone didn't know was that there was one more person.
Natasha wasn't Dreykov's only favorite; you were a year older and just as outstanding as her, often sparking tensions between you, each wanting to outdo the other.
You and Natasha mirrored each other in everything, in your discipline and focus, in your rigidity and capability. Both of you were intelligent, and when pitted against each other in combat, it usually ended in a draw - and only ended because one of the widows intervened before you killed each other. Dreykov couldn't afford to lose one of his two best widows.

So here's the plan: a young couple moves to a quiet town in rural Ohio with their two biological daughters and their adopted daughter from Brazil. What's suspicious about that?

You and Natasha walked a fine line between being loving sisters and not killing each other while the other slept, the rivalry created by the people who controlled you always lingered in your minds. You hated each other.

But the worst part was that you didn't.

At least you never hated Natasha; you couldn't. You always held in your heart how the girl with blue hair was just another victim, much more than other widows your age could comprehend.
Natasha wasn't bad, not at all. She wasn't bad when she pet any random cat on the street, she wasn't bad when she defended Angela from a racist classmate, she wasn't bad when she doodled on her Converse, and especially she wasn't bad when it came to Yelena.

That girl, that little innocent girl, never knowing the truth, just so happy living in that illusion, both you and Natasha knew the moment you laid eyes on her, you would die and kill for Yelena without a second thought.
Yelena united you, she united all of you.

So when you had to flee, on high alert in the middle of the quiet night, Yelena was the first thing running through your minds.

Take Yelena, keep her safe.

You ran with the confused little girl in your arms, heading outside while Natasha returned, saying something about a photo album.
Inside the car, everything was tense, the air heavy, more so than usual for summer in Ohio. None of you spoke, rigid and alert.
Until Yelena broke the silence, asking Alexei to play her music, the one he played during a trip last spring, and it stuck with her forever.

But Alexei didn't have the tape anymore; it wore out, tired after so many repetitions, and Yelena was very upset about it, insisting on her music.

"Yelena, there's no music, okay?!" Alexei exclaimed in frustration, making the little girl became downcast. You glanced through the mirror at the man who seemed embarrassed, then you hugged Yelena and kissed her golden hair, resting your head against hers.

"Oh, but we never got the chance..." echoed through the car, Melina and Alexei looking at each other surprised. "Cause the players tried to take the field, the marching band refused to yield, do you recall what was revealed..." lying on the sunny hair, you look at Natasha who was already watching you with her ocean eyes. So young, so scared of the future but not wanting to show it. "The day the music died?"

"We started singing..." and on the next line, a voice joined you. Young, scared of the future but not wanting to show it. "Bye bye, Miss American Pie" Natasha sang along, leaving Melina and Alexei even more surprised.

"Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry..." Alexei's deep voice emerging, he shrugged when Melina gave him a questioning look, and shortly after, she was singing too.

"Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey'n rye. And singin': This'll be the day that I die!”

Everyone in the car was singing, loudly and in good tune.
You looked back, a helicopter appeared in the sky, its light hitting your hopeless face.

"This'll be the day that I die"

Everyone jumped out of the car when they arrived at an old warehouse .
"Natalia, take Yelena" Alexei shouted, making the blue-haired girl take her sister out of your arms, and you think you'll never forget the confused look she gave you.

"Y/N, help me!" you didn't understand why a big man like Alexei would need a 13-year-old girl's help to push a plane, but you ran to help him anyway.

"Push!" Alexei shouted when all the other women were already on the plane. You did what you were told, even though you weren't helping much, the plane started moving on its own. You ran to catch up, you felt a hand grabbing your shirt, and Alexei threw you onto the plane's wing as he jumped too.

"Hold on!" he shouted as they got higher and higher.
You couldn't go very far; there was too much weight, everyone knew that.
Natasha was holding Yelena tightly, looking around to see if she could spot you, Melina was doing her best to control the plane. They knew it wouldn't work, you knew it wouldn't work, and Alexei knew it.

"Too much weight!" Alexei shouted over the noise of the propellers and your heart beating, you looked at him with your eyes squinted by the wind and fear as bullets missed your small body. "I'm sorry, kid"

You are not quite sure what the request is for, whether it's for the situation they find themselves in, for the false mission, or for him being complicit with the institution that stole your entire life.
Either way, you don't have time to dwell on it as your hands begin to slip on the metal, desperately trying to cling on, but your fingers are sweaty and your arms ache with exhaustion.

Alexei shouted your name, he tried to hold onto you. Until you fell from the plane.

Years have passed since then, Natasha has become a globally renowned heroine, walking around with her popular group, and Yelena has just freed herself from the mind-controlling serum.
Tony made a deal with the government, and the Avengers disbanded, each going their separate ways before things got worse. Natasha saw it as a forced vacation, traveling around the state.

That is until some masked asshole tries to blow her up from a bridge, and now she's here, her breath catches for a split second as she sees Yelena, she's a woman now, grown up and with a gun pointed at the Avenger's chest.
Neither trusts the other, which results in the ensuing fight, Yelena is good, she's very good, she's younger and more willing, but Natasha is still her older sister, and it's up to her to declare the truce.

"The red room was destroyed" Natasha insists.

"Where do you think I've been all this time?" Yelena asks, and the older one's stomach drops. "We need help replicating the serum and freeing more widows, that's why I called you. Can your hero friends help us? Captain America? Tony Stark?"

Both Tony and Steve weren't talking to her because of her impartiality during both offers.

"It's not going to happen. I don't know if you noticed, but the Avengers are not a thing at the moment" Romanoff says, disgusted.

"Right, the witch blew up a hospital, and the heroes are in a cold war. Perfect timing..." she takes a shot, Natasha looks at her, since when did Yelena have the age to drink? With a grimace, the younger one continues "Well, that doesn't give us another choice, we're going to need to gather the family. Mae, Alexei, Y/N..." Natasha almost breaks her neck at the mention of your name.

"Y/N is dead" she says quickly and sternly, causing a smirk on Yelena's face.

"You really lost everything, didn't you?" she roll her eyes at the confusion of the older one "Y/N is alive, she survived and went back to the red room. She managed to escape a few years ago, and just like you, didn't bother to come back for the holidays. But it'll be good to have someone on our side who stayed inside longer than you did and out here longer than I did"

Natasha agrees without really listening, she's still processing the news. You're alive, this can't be possible, she watched you die, she cried for your death. Shock and disbelief overwhelm her, and there's a small sense of hope too.

"Don't worry, you'll see your girlfriend again soon" the blonde taunts, gathering her things and leaving.

"She wasn't my girlfriend!" Natasha retorts offended, running after the girl.

"So many years have passed, and you still lie to yourself?"

Their mission has been quiet, they've been laying low, alert to any suspicious signs.

"Well, obviously, Alexei is in prison, Melina is raising pigs in her own exile, and Y/N is here" Yelena points to a location on the map, while they eat at a random diner they found along the road.

"What place is that?" Natasha asks, her face wrinkled.

"Someplace near New Mexico, if she was trying to hide, she succeeded, it took me months to find her, and I'm not even sure if it's guaranteed" she looks at a focused Natasha "it's a shot in the dark" Natasha sighs loudly, they were too far in to give up now.

"Well, looks like we're heading to New Mexico"

She says, and the smaller one smiles, it's tough and awkward, as has been their entire interaction so far, there's this invisible wall between them, built through the feeling of betrayal in Yelena.
They were two different people now, with different lives, they weren't those two little girls who cuddled on the couch to watch cartoons and drink hot coco anymore.

Natasha knows nothing about Yelena, doesn't know if she trusts her, and Yelena knows everything about Natasha, and knows she doesn't trust her.

"You know you can count on me" Clint said in a call, because of course, the first thing you do when your life changes completely is to call your best friend.

"I know, but I need to do this alone" Natasha says, and the man chuckles fondly.

"Taking down an institution like the red room alone? Seems like too much even for you, Romanoff" Natasha falls silent. "When are you picking her up?"

Natasha had talked about you to Clint countless times, she never told the true nature of her relationship with you, but the man knew.
The redhead never had such bright eyes talking about anyone, not even when she had her unexpected and senseless crush on Banner.
"We're heading there" she says and the man wishes her good luck.
"Keep your heart" he says, and then hangs up.

The journey was long, and gradually they approached the dry, hot climate of New Mexico.

"There!" Yelena points, and Natasha parks the car.

"A flower shop?"

"It was the only thing I could find about her"

It was a pleasant warmth with a gentle breeze, the neighborhood smelled of freshly mown grass, and the orange of early morning covered everything. Yelena napped in the passenger seat, and Natasha waited for any sign of you. She wasn't surprised anymore by the idea of the flower shop, it had always been you.

You were the first to suggest they start tending to the garden when they moved to Ohio under the guise of bringing less suspicion. You took care of the garden when no one else believed in your idea; you gave it life.
You spent hours of your day in it, teaching Yelena how to care for the roses. You were the one who always brought random flowers home, and when Melina gave you her not again look, you just shrugged and said: “I needed to save it".
Which brought a worried smile to the mother. Natasha knew Melina always worried about you, about your kindness.

So now, seeing the Ford pickup truck approaching, Natasha knew it was you. Without taking her eyes off the vehicle, she reaches for Yelena's face, poking until the younger one wakes up irritated.

"Holy shit... we have to go!" Yelena tries to get out of the car, but Natasha holds her back.

"We can't just show up, it's not safe" the younger one knows she's right, a part of Yelena still lives in the illusion that you're the same as she knew in childhood. That girl who kissed her fingers whenever she pricked herself with the rose thorns.

"Well, what are we going to do?"

They remain in the car until you appear. Natasha is paralyzed because there, emerging from that old, battered truck, is you. You're a woman now, like her, and you're alive, you're so alive.

The years have been kind to you, you're beautiful, so radiant and beautiful, but it's not just that that catches Natasha's attention. She notices how calm, light, and carefree you are, how you get out of the truck saying good morning to everyone who equally opened their businesses, you call everyone by name, and everyone greets you with a smile.

"Alright, here's the plan..." because of course, while Natasha was haunted by your ghost, Yelena was thinking about what to do "I'll go in there"

"What? No, you can't! Didn't you hear me say it's dangerous?"

"She won't recognize me! Years have passed!" Natasha still doesn't seem convinced "you wouldn't recognize me"

That hits her hard because it's true, and another truth that Natasha doesn't want to accept is that her sister is an adult now and doesn't need to obey her.
So, minutes later, Yelena is entering your flower shop; the atmosphere is full of serenity, soft tones, and delicate perfumes that fill the air. She continues toward the counter, touching a bell on the well-organized counter.

"Coming!" you shout from the room next door, your voice is different, and Yelena doesn't know why she smooths her clothes and fixes her hair to see you. And you appear, with a full smile and the typical sparkle in your eyes, the younger one is glad to see that not everything has changed.

"Good morning, dear!" you greet, leaving the coffee ready on the counter "would you like some coffee? I just made it" Yelena never doesn't know what to say. So why can't she say anything now? Why is she just looking at you?

"Yes, please..." she replies softly, trying to recover as you reach for the full cup.

"What's your name?" you ask intrigued, and Yelena doesn't feel threatened “I don't think I've ever seen you around here, and I know everyone and everyone's kids”

"Jessica"

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Jessica, I'm Ellie" of course, Yelena isn't the only one using a fake name "how can I help you?"

”I need a arrangement for a family meeting”

"That's great! I have the perfect arrangement for you!" you pass by her excitedly, and Yelena wonders what she came here to do, what she hopes to gain from this.

"Do you have a family?" she questions as she watches you work.

"I haven't seen them in a long time" you pick more and more flowers.

"What happened to them?"

"Oh, what happens to all families, dear... life, everyone going their own way, my parents and sisters…"

"Your sisters, do you think about them?" the widow is fully aware of how she's starting to lose control, maybe it's time to go back to the car, even defeated.

"I think about them all the time. But I'm not worried, you know why?" you approach, a bouquet in hand "because I always knew they'd come back for me"

Yelena looks at the bouquet in your hands, the same roses you used to prune. You know, she knows that you know.
With a stiff and alarmed posture, Yelena keeps her eyes on you as you move away. You don't stop her, you don't do anything to interrupt her from passing through the front door and running to Natasha anxiously in the car.

"She knows it's me, she knows we're here" she announces as soon as she sits in the seat "what do we do now?".

"We wait" the redhead replies, receiving disapproval from Yelena.

"Wait for what? For her to show up and kill us? I know you had some juvenile romance or something, but I don't think that's going to stop her from coming and-" her babbling is cut off by the older one's hand on her mouth.

"Yelena! We wait" Natasha speaks firmly.

Belova knows she doesn't have much choice this time, this time she will obey. The hand is removed when Yelena confirms, quickly wiping her mouth afterward, it's not like they've had time for basic hygiene in the past few days.

Throughout the day, Natasha and Yelena watch people coming in and out of the flower shop, you appear occasionally, chatting enthusiastically with your customers. Until you go to the back of the store.

"Now!" Natasha decrees.
The two of them climb onto the roof, watching as you go out to take out the trash, walking calmly to the dumpster, and suddenly stopping.

"Mom and Dad never taught it's rude to eavesdrop, Romanoff?" you speak and then toss the two garbage bags right in their direction, dispersing them.

Natasha falls in front of you, with her famous hero pose, Yelena is a little further back with a baton, both ready to fight.
They don't give much time for conversation when they attack you; Natasha comes first, you may be rusty but still manage to defend yourself well.
Grabbing her leg and tossing her away, too far away.

Yelena comes next; she tries a sweep and then starts a combo of blows that would make you proud, but even with the younger one's effort, you're grabbing her by the suit and throwing her to Natasha.

"Can we talk?!" you quickly realize they're alike in something: hit first, talk later.

Natasha attacks you again, Yelena stays behind this time, noticing how you're holding back your blows, which she believes is due to years of relaxation, and then she's grabbing your left while Natasha attacks you from the right.
You do what you can to defend yourself, losing your grip when you hit Natasha's stomach, throwing her breathless backward. Instantly looking regretful, you try to approach.

"Nat, I'm sorry..."

Catching you off guard, Yelena jumps on you, her baton coming to knock you down, and all you can do to defend yourself is raise your arm over your head.
Yelena watches horrified as your arm breaks in half, literally, it shatters, a part falls to the ground.

"No... do you know how much these things cost?!" picking up your arm from the ground, you don't care to look at how shocked Yelena is.

You hide the arm behind your back when a old woman appears in the alley they were in, hoping that all the garbage around and your disheveled state can be hidden with the smile she offers.

"Good evening, Mrs Jiang! Came to pick up your order?" the old Asian lady with her scrawny poodle nods, and follows when you point to the shop entrance.

Yelena and Natasha enter with you to the office, where you leave your arm on the counter "behave until I get back!" you order and go to the lady who was waiting for you.
Hearing you say something about tulips, Natasha promptly picks up the notebook on the table, surprised to see that it didn't even have a password. Yelena is still slow, walking to the counter and picking up your arm.

After a few minutes, you come back, and they try to disguise the best they can - Natasha looks out the window and Yelena pretends to be very interested in the description on the fertilizer on the shelf.

"Okay... I won't be able to keep working like this, and I only have another prosthesis at home, which means you're invited to dinner, I guess" you grab your bag and leave, not waiting for them.

It's quiet and awkward inside the truck, you drive calmly, Natasha is on alert, and Yelena sweats nervous energy.
The town where you lived was small and welcoming, the day was darkening, and it remained pleasantly warm.
You drove until the asphalt turned into a dirt road and entered the path to a peaceful country house.

"Welcome... home, sweet home" you offer a smile and disembark, Natasha and Yelena look at each other suspiciously before following.

The house is small with a porch, and there are so many flowers around, so much life inside and out, because when you open the door, the three of you are greeted by a spicy and delicious smell.
Yelena and Natasha look around curiously as they enter, everything is cozy. It seems like a dream, thinks Natasha.

"Home early, darling?" a male voice snaps the two widows out of their dreamy state. They turn to see the man coming out of the kitchen, drying his hands. Natasha doesn't recognize this feeling in her chest as she watches the man hug you tightly and give you a loving kiss. You look at him so lovingly, and Yelena looks at Natasha with pity.

"Girls, this is Owen, my husband" Natasha doesn't understand; she's been trained for years, she's the Black Widow, the best of them all. She's been trained to endure torture and face death, so why does she feel like crying like a child now?

"Nice to meet you, Owen" Yelena takes the lead, shaking the man's hand.

"Love, these are Lena and Natalia, I told you about them, remember?" the man's face shines with realization.

"Of course! It's so nice to finally meet you, Ellie told me everything about you!" this makes Yelena's expression close off, Natasha still seems distant.

"Everything?" the younger one asks.

"Yes, about your childhood in Ohio, it's great that you took some time to visit us" Yelena shoots you a deadly look, and you offer her a reassuring expression.

"They were passing through town and decided to drop by to catch up, you don't mind if they stay a few days, do you?"

"Of course not! There's always room for one more at my table" Owen smiles, returning to the kitchen. Y/N watches him with tenderness as Yelena approaches.

"What did you tell him?" she whispers aggressively, not intimidating you.

"Just about two friends I had in childhood, nothing you should worry about" you walk through the living room, you've waited too long to ask this. "What are you doing here?"

"We're going to destroy the red room" Yelena says fearlessly, causing a snort from you.

"I've heard that thousands of times..." you catch when Yelena throws a package full of vials.

"It's the antidote, the antidote for the widows, probably what you used to free yourself" the blonde explains, and for the first time, you don't seem so calm, pulling the girl outside, a silent Natasha following.

"Let me see if I understand, you plan to invade the red room and cure all the widows with these two vials?"

"In a nutshell"

"Do you agree with this?" you turn to Natasha, who doesn't meet your gaze.

"She knows it's a good idea"

"It's a stupid idea. At the very least a suicide mission. You're not going!"

"You can't stop me!"

"Yes, I can, I'm your older sister!"

"You're not!" Yelena almost screams, hurt and offended by how low you've gone "you two mean nothing to me! You abandoned me! Left me in the red room to play house and become a hero, and I stayed there!" you and Natasha look at each other ashamed. "I don't need your permission or your help, I don't know why we came here, but we're already leaving"

Yelena reaches out to you, expecting to take the vial back so she can leave, she's doing that thing where the corners of her mouth are turned down, and she's almost crying. You hate that, hate that you're the reason for the younger one to feel like this. Extending your hand, you pull away at the last second.

"I know I don't deserve anything good coming from you, but I need you to trust me when I say we can think of a better plan. It's all I ask. All I can offer" you say with a soft voice.

"We've already wasted too much time" Yelena says tremulously "I've already wasted too much time"

You smile sadly, handing the vials to the blonde, so you can touch her face.

"My little girl. You've always been the best of us, haven't you? The strongest. I'm sorry for not being with you all these years, but you don't have to do this alone anymore. We're here, your older sisters are here, and we'll take care of you"

You didn't think it would work, even coming from the bottom of your heart, you expected a punch in the face, not Yelena throwing herself into a tight hug.
Until you understood, she needed this hug, you all needed it. Over the younger one's shoulder, you signaled for Natasha to approach, which she did timidly, not for you or herself, but for Yelena.

The three of you hugged for what seemed like hours, wrapped in your own intimate moment, letting it start to heal everything that needed healing, until the door was opened and a bewildered Owen appeared.

"Oh my- I’m sorry! I didn't mean to interrupt, dinner's ready!" he announces sheepishly, closing the door again.

"Where did this guy come from?" Natasha asks when you pull away.

"Oh, now you speak?" Yelena teases, you smile cheerfully.

"I met Owen right after I escaped from the red room, I was a young scared girl, knew nothing of the world. He took care of me, and taught me to gain my independence"

"That easy?" Natasha asks suspiciously.

"That easy. You know, Romanoff, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you'll only have real freedom when you trust people” you say, and Natasha raises an eyebrow “we'll only live in peace when we accept that we were victims and that we deserve love"

"Wow, save that speech for the widows we're going to liberate" Yelena teases, and you give her a gentle shove.

"I'm not convinced, how did he not recognize me?"

"Fame really got to your head... " you joke "this town is more old-fashioned than you think, that's why I hid here. Seriously, until last week Owen didn't even know who Taylor Swift is!"

"Who?" Yelena asks, making you fake choke.

"I have so much to teach you..." you carry Yelena into the house. Natasha remains on the porch, not pleased with the situation, something was wrong, she knew it.

When she enters the house, Owen was putting a pot on the table where Yelena was waiting, and you come out of the kitchen with two extra plates.

"Where's Nick? It's strange he hasn't come down yet..." you comment with concern.

"In his room, he is grounded" the man answers, serving the grateful blonde.

"Grounded? That never happens, Owen..."

"It happens when he is suspended from the baseball team for disrespecting the coach" Owen tells, but nothing made sense to you.

"No... Nick's not like that, something must have happened. Did he say anything about it?" before Owen can answer, a little boy is coming down the stairs, he wears rocket pajamas and seems excited for see you. What surprises Yelena and Natasha the most is when this same boy calls you mom”

"Hey, buddy" you hug him tightly "are you doing your homework?"

"I am..." he says bored, then looks at you with bright eyes "can you help me with math later?"

"Of course, sweetheart" you smile as the boy goes to sit with the two unknown figures, Natasha and Yelena seem shocked, and you sigh. “This is Nikolai... my son" it takes a while for the two women to come out of the state of surprise, offering a forced smile.

"Hi, Nikolai, I'm Natalia, and this is Lena, we're old friends of... mom" the word is so strange in Natasha's tongue, she never thought she would see you being a mother, but again, everything makes so much sense.

It's Owen who saves them from the awkward atmosphere that's arising, inviting everyone to start eating. During dinner, Nikolai takes the lead, asking questions to Natasha and Yelena, with the curiosity that only a kid could have.
The widows found out that Owen was a chef and had his own restaurant in the center of the quiet town.

As you talked, Yelena and Natasha felt the big blanket that separated you from them, you moved on, you had a family, you were a mother and wife now. And you seemed so happy and at peace.
Yelena knew what they had to do, they couldn't take that away from you. Meanwhile, Natasha kept her suspicion, everything happening around her was so perfect that it seemed to come straight from a sitcom, scripted and rehearsed. Too perfect.

After dinner, you offered to clean the kitchen, and Owen went upstairs to prepare Nikolai for his bath.

"Don't worry, he's not biologically mine" you comment, leaving the dirty dishes in the sink while Yelena washed and Natasha dried.

"I'd be surprised if he were. Are they reattaching the uterus in the red room, and I'm not aware?" Yelena jokes, Natasha is silent again "I mean, how crazy... you're a milf now!"

"Oh my God, don’t say that!” you laugh and leave the kitchen in search of more dishes. When they are alone, Yelena nudges her sister with her elbow.

"You could at least pretend you're happy for her..."

"I am, it's just that..."

"You're still in love with her"

"Yelena, we've talked about this..."

"No, actually, we haven't. I've studied our mission for years, Natasha. It took me a while to realize, but you were in love, completely... and now you're seeing her married and having a child with someone else. It can't be easy" Natasha doesn't say anything, focused on putting away the clean dishes. There's a mix of emotions inside her, sadness, nostalgia – jealousy.

"We were kids, we didn't know anything" that's all she responds. Yelena sighs, wondering when her sister will finally open up.

Some time passes, and Natasha is coming out of the bathroom after a well-deserved hot shower after weeks living in a stolen car. She stops as she passes by Nikolai's room, where you two are having a conversation she doesn't know if she should listen to.

"I wanted to push him!" the little boy says angrily.

"Push your coach for scolding you?" you ask, trying to understand "you know that's not how we solve things… we talk" that's when Natasha realizes you've really changed.

"What if talking isn't enough?" he asks shyly, your chest heavy with worry.

"Is there anything you're not telling me, Nick?" the little boy denies disheartened, not improving the feeling in your chest. You stand up, kissing the braids in his hair. "I love you" you smile, before standing up and going to the door.

"I love you a million million" Nick says, making you stop with a heart full of love.

"Wow... a million million? That's insane... I mean, I'll never tell your dad, but..." Nick laughs in bed, pulling the blanket up to his chin “now go to sleep or I'll sell your toys... a million million? Wow..."

Natasha doesn't try to escape when you leave the room, she doesn't try to pretend she wasn't listening, she knows she couldn't fool you, not even disguise the loving expression on her face as she watches you interact with your son.

"He loves me a million million..." you say as you approach with a proud smile.

"Yeah, I heard" Natasha smiles softly too at your joy. You both stay silent for a moment, processing the fact that you're standing in front of each other.

"You understand now, don't you? Why I can't go" you approach her in the hallway. When it's just the two of you, it's harder to ignore the feelings that have been hitting your chest all day. Natasha, your Natasha, right here in front of you "I can't risk losing this"

"I understand..." she replies, her voice getting lower as you get closer. "I'm happy for you" you take one of the redhead's hands, speeding up your hearts.

"I missed you" you admit, within the small intimate bubble you've entered, it was only a matter of time until one of you said the words. "I'm so proud of what you've become... for the second-best widow, you sure have come a long way".

"Second?" you affirm humorously, seeing Natasha smile. Her beautiful smile. It was so rare to see her without her usual expression of guilt and worry, the weight of the world on her shoulders.

A clearing of the throat snaps you out of your trance, turning to see Yelena standing in the doorway of the room, equally refreshed and ready for bed.

"And you... look at you!" you exclaim excitedly, rushing towards the blonde "you've grown so much, when did you grow up so much?!" you pull her into a tight hug, carrying her to the room and throwing her onto the bed, the blonde easily nestling into your embrace, Natasha watching you both from the doorway.

"Hey, do you remember this? Bye bye, Miss American Pie..." you sing and Yelena squirms under your grip.

"Ugh, I used to hear that all the time!"

"All the time indeed, Alexei asked me to bury the tape once, but had to buy another one after you refused to eat for three days" Natasha joins the conversation, sitting on the bed.

Your next few minutes were spent reliving stories and laughing, until a knock on the door drew your attention.

"Excuse me, ladies, can I steal my wife back?" Owen asks with a shy smile.

"Oh, right! You two probably should rest anyway" you get out of bed. Yelena immediately misses you, and Natasha looks away when you snuggle up to Owen.

"It's a pleasure having you here!" the man says, and the sisters respond with forced smiles.

"Night-night" you say softly before leaving, casting one last glance at the sulking redhead lying on the bed, Yelena moving a little closer.

"What are we going to do, Nat?"

"Let's just try to sleep for now, okay?" Yelena sighs loudly, but does as she's told, while Natasha remains awake. Not trusting this dollhouse she's in, not trusting this town, not trusting Owen, and consequently – unfortunately - not trusting you.

A light rain started during the night, it was Saturday morning, and the table was set when the widows descended the stairs.

"Good morning, sleepyheads! Did you sleep well?" you pass by them with a cup of tea, still in your pajamas.

"Aren't you going to work today?" Natasha asks as Yelena rushes to the abundant table.

"Maybe yes, maybe no, it's the advantage of being your own boss. And on Saturday mornings, I have therapy"

"Therapy?" Natasha asks again, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"It's really good, you should try it sometime" you reply, picking up the laptop.

"Can I borrow your phone? I need to do some research" Yelena asks, filling her mouth with omelet.

"Sure, it's on the living room table, no password" Yelena receives your response with indignation.

"You've gone soft..." she says, making you laugh.

"I'm out here if you need me" the two widows nod, and you step out onto the balcony, settling into a comfortable chair.

"Good morning, Ellie!" your therapist greets through the laptop screen.

"Morning, Alice"

"So, how are we feeling today?"

"Well... some people from my past have come back, and it's scaring me"

"People from the past? Before the accident?" you nod “are you afraid they might trigger your trauma?"

"I'm afraid that with them here... I might revert to how I used to be, I'm afraid of losing control again, but it's..." you smile to yourself "so good to have them here! I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to reconcile past and present, it's like the two things can't coexist at the same time... and I need to let go of one of them"

As Yelena piled on the sausage, it was clear Natasha was listening to your conversation. She knows it's your privacy, but she's a spy, it's what she does.
Hearing about your insecurities was new for the redhead. You've always been the optimist, the one who pats others on the head and tells them that it will be okay. Natasha never thought about how you never had anyone to pat your head.

"You know this was supposed to be a private conversation, right?" you ask after the session ends, Natasha emerges onto the balcony, not looking guilty, yet you still smile at her and wave to the chair beside you "where's Lena?"

"Went upstairs to do field research which I'm pretty sure means listening to Taylor Swift" you chuckle affectionately, turning to face the rain falling.

"Good for her..." you murmur, in your peripheral vision you see Natasha watching you "and what about you? You haven't been talking much since you arrived"

"I'm fine" Natasha speaks bluntly, looking at your incredulously.

"Okay..." the redhead sighs, throughout her life, you were the only one who had this effect on her. You were the only one who could make her be honest.

"I'm lost. First Yelena shows up, someone tries to blow me up and now we're going to destroy the red room, which I thought was already destroyed, and then you... " she choked with her words "I thought you were dead, I mourned your death! For years, I wondered what I could have done differently for you to survive..." you lower your head, listening to all these words full of hurt, understanding how justified Natasha must have felt betrayed and abandoned "but that doesn't matter now, what matters is that the red room still exists, and I never found out... I failed"

"You didn't fail! You spent your last years out there saving the world. No one blames you for losing one or two things..." there it is, your unparalleled warmth, your understanding and unmatched kindness. It unsettles her, you unsettle her. She feels like that twelve-year-old girl again.

"Where's Owen and Nikolai?" you smile slightly, typical Romanoff changing the subject.

"Owen is working, and Nikolai will be training all day"

"I thought he was suspended"

"He was, I wanted to go sort it out, but Owen asked me to leave it with him, I think it helps his self-esteem... anyway, Nick has an important game tomorrow, we're going"

"Are we?"

"It'll be good for Lena, what better way to reintroduce you to society than a children's soccer game full of doting moms and cubed fruits?" it's Natasha's turn to give a small smile.

"You're a doting mom now?"

"I am... the best at happy face pancakes! You'll love him, Tasha! He's such a smart boy, he's funny and he's kind..." you were so lost in expressing your love that you didn't even realize you used Natasha's old nickname, making the redhead's heart race for a moment, sounding just like before. “I have some photos on my laptop…”

"God, you really became a mom!" Natasha bursts into laughter, and you join, but the redhead stops laughing when you continue.

"And Owen... he's a great dad, a great person, he saved my life..." you say, gradually stopping under the discomfort of the spy "but what about you? Never had someone special?"

"I tried... a while ago" Natasha confesses, and you don't understand this immediate jealousy that explodes in your chest "with a teammate"

"Wow! Teammate? Risky... was it Captain America? Was it him?" you ask in a teasing tone that makes Natasha laugh.

"No, it wasn't him..."

"He's too goody two-shoes for you..."

"And old!" you both burst into laughter, like two preteens talking about their crushes on a summer afternoon "no... it was with Banner".

"Banner? Bruce Banner? The big green guy? Wow... and what happened?” suddenly you see Natasha's amusement fading away.

"He didn't want to commit to someone like me..."

"Like you?"

"Broken"

She says softly. That hits you, you feel a long dormant protective instinct surging, never wanting anyone to make Natasha, your Natasha, feel less than perfect.
You rise fearlessly, taking the spy's hand and pulling her with you.

"Where are we going?" she asks confused.

"I want to show you something" and so she follows you through the house, up to the second floor and into your office. "Close the door" you command, and Natasha obeys.

You catch her off guard as you start unbuttoning the loose shirt you're wearing, and suddenly the floor becomes very interesting to Natasha, the floor, the light coming through the white curtain, that strange stain in the corner of the ceiling.
She doesn't want to play the prude, because she's far from it, but she can't allow herself to look at you, to desire you. Because you were never hers.

"Tasha?" you call, the redhead lifts her gaze, and there you are, in front of her, only in your underwear, and Natasha is breathless.

She's breathless not only because it's you, your body is now that of a woman, your breasts have grown since you were thirteen, and you look as toned as ever, but that's not what catches Natasha's attention. Your entire skin is marked, scars all over, marks from things she wouldn't even know how to describe.
One of your arms ends just below the shoulder, you slowly turn around, and on your back she sees attached a large prototype, a spine of metal, gold and silver. Natasha really didn't notice when her eyes filled with tears.

"That's broken" you speak with a firm voice, wanting - needing - her to understand your point "all of this is broken" you approach her, standing face to face so she can clearly hear your words. “And this exterior is nothing compared to how broken I was inside, but even so, even broken, I still had a chance..." Natasha's green eyes are fixed on yours, bright green eyes staring into your soul "you're not broken, you still have a chance... you are perfect"

Natasha doesn't say anything, the room is quiet and you're so close. Natasha doesn't say anything. She doesn't want or need to. Because once again you're here fixing something that wasn't you who broke.
Natasha doesn't say anything. She doesn't want to. She doesn't need to. Because you never needed to, you always knew how to translate yourselves, talk with a glance, communicate with the soul and the heart.
Slowly, almost as if time could stop, Natasha brings a hand to your shoulder, she gently traces a finger along the scar where your arm would be, it sends a shiver down your spine, not because it's embarrassing or uncomfortable, but because Natasha is looking at you with such devotion, you're still her Y/N.

Even slower Natasha traces the path to your chest, your breath quickening under her touch, she stops with her hand over your racing heart, there she was reminded that you were alive, your heart was pulsing right here, where she can feel it. Beat under fingertips.
Her eyes finally meet yours, there's such a true feeling in both gazes: love. But not just any love, love restrained, love kept for so long.
Gently, Natasha's hand moves up to cup your face, her slender and careful spy fingers tracing your cheek so tenderly, she outlines your closed eyes, she outlines your nose, and she outlines your lips. And then the door is being opened, slammed with a bang.

"Shit!" you hear Yelena say as she covers her eyes. "I knew this would happen, I just didn't think it would be this soon..." the youngest comments, and you roll your eyes, starting dressing again "son of a bitch... you're..."

"Patched up?" you reply with a laugh.

"Kinda..."

"Well, you can't expect to be thrown out of a plane and not have a few scars to tell the tale"

"Anyway..." Yelena enters the room, eyes still fixed on you for a moment, she goes to your desk "it's time for us to start thinking about a plan”

"Tired of listening to Taylor Swift?" Natasha teases.

"I wasn't listening to Taylor Swift!” the blonde defends herself, stopping under the disbelieving gaze of the two older women "it's so good! Vigilante Shit is definitely something!" you and Natasha look at each other with little smiles, glad the youngest got a dose of normalcy.

"I think I have a spare prosthetic around here somewhere..."

You search, finding the object in one of the drawers. It was one of the old prosthetics, still with some drawings from when Nick was younger. You spent enough time in the room for the rain to start falling again, and you didn't reach any agreement.

"Can't your Avenger friends help?" you ask Natasha, but it's Yelena who answers.

"The Avengers are divorced at the moment”

"Even for a cause like this?"

"They won't help, Y/N" Natasha responds impatiently.

"I'm starting to think you just don't want to ask for help" you say as you pass by her. That offends Natasha, because it's true, she doesn't want her hero friends to know how she failed.

"For what other reason would I be here?!" Natasha responds, stopping face to face with you.

Because of me, you don't have the courage to answer. Yelena rolls her eyes with the obvious tension surrounding you two.

"Alright then, no Avengers, they're there to inaugurate dog donation centers, but not to help free child victims of human trafficking... are you guys so against a family meeting?"

"No way!" you and Natasha respond together, making the youngest one give up.

"Well, we're not getting anywhere here!" the blonde complains sullenly. She and Natasha start arguing again, but you can only pay attention to the outside.
The rain that fell brought back a bittersweet memory of childhood.

"This is a waste of time!" you roll your eyes as you listen to Natalia complain again, you two walking down the street under the hot Ohio summer sun.

"Stop being a baby" you approach a group of children playing in the street. "Hi! I'm Ellie, and this is my sister Natalia, we're new here, can we play with you?"

You and Natalia weren't normal kids, you didn't go skipping rope in the street, or playing shuttlecock with the gang, but after two months the neighbors expected your newcomer's shyness to have passed and for you to show up to play with their kids.
So there was your new order to reduce suspicion: go out and play like normal children.

You were obviously bombarded with many questions, normal children are curious, but after easily blending in, the questions ceased. A few games later and you and Natalia barely remembered the real reason you were there, you were having fun like never before.
It was the first time either of you two had played. Every second was magical, it seemed so wrong that it needed to end. Every now and then, you would look at each other, communicating only what you two could understand: how amazing it must be when your only concern is to go out and play.

The rain unexpectedly fell, a refreshment for your hot skins, but you were kids and couldn't stop the game. You were getting ready to run when it was another kid's turn to search in hide-and-seek (you always found them too quickly).

"We should go back, it must be enough by now" Natalia grabs your arm as if it were just an order to be followed, as if she hadn't genuinely enjoyed like you did.

"Relax a bit" you say, pulling your arm away from her.

"Relax? We're not here to relax! Did you forget?!" she asks sharply, offending you as she sees you as a threat ready to be annihilated at any misstep.

You're ready to retort when thunder rumbles in the sky, and you see it, pupils dilating, the only sign of fear that Natalia couldn't hide.
You're quick to grab her hand.

"We're going home, guys! See you tomorrow!" you shout as you start running. You didn't notice how far you had strayed from home during the games, the rain is getting worse, the night is falling, and you're losing Natalia.

You pull her under an old junkyard, you could wait there until the weather improved. You sit on a dusty couch, there's no sign of life in the place, but the neon sign is still on, alternating light over your small and wet bodies.
You watch in silence as the rain falls, sitting close together. Natalia is looking at you, you know why you feel it.

She's not looking at you as before, with threats and challenges, it's with gratitude. You're not used to feeling nervous so you jump off the couch, the blue-haired girl watches confused as you easily open one of the cars, she thinks you plan to run away, she thinks she needs to stop you, she thinks if you're going to invite her to go with you.
But all you do is create power to turn on the radio and suddenly the air is full of music.
Natalia stays on the couch while you walk back and forth under the strobe light, she looks at her own hands dirty with soil and childhood, and when she looks up again, there you are with your hand extended to her.

"Dance with me" you say, and she accepts quickly. She stands up in front of you, all stiff and ready like a ballerina. "No, not like that" it startles her because it's the only way she knows how to dance.

"Like this!" you dance clumsily, bordering on goofy, but without realizing, it makes Natalia burst into laughter, and also bordering on goofy, she joins you.
You laugh and dance, jump and spin like you've never been trained to do. You both know you've never danced as well in your lives as you did that night.

After an entire day of discussions without reaching a plan or decision, you feel heavier than ever. Getting up in the middle of the night to do the only thing you think might solve anything right now: make a nice cup of tea.

"Can't sleep?" you dodged well in time the knife that Yelena throws on at the kitchen door. "Owen's favorite knife..." you falsely lament, tearing off the object stuck in the wood.

"I just came to drink some water" you approach her in the sink, Yelena doesn't look at you, you can say that she is full of thoughts.

"What worries you, my love?" you ask sofly, removing the strands of hair that cover her wrinkled face. You ask in a way that Yelena can't help but answer.

"We are wasting time, running in circles... we need to find a solution" you hate it, you hate to see how Yelena put so much weight on their own backs. In your head she is still just your little sister who froze her brain eating ice cream and ran after butterflies in the garden, so now it hurts you so much to see how she let herself be corroded by all this, with bags under her eyes and a constant worried expression.

"Come here..." you bring her to you, running your thumbs through her tired eyelids. "How about this, we sleep..." Yelena opens her mouth to complain, but you don't give her time "and tomorrow we're going to Nikolai's game, you need to empty your head even for a few hours... I promise that after that we will find a solution"

The blonde is hesitant, she wants to argue with you and convince you to go back to work, but she is also so tired.
So when you pull her to the couch, she lets herself be taken away, lying on your lap as she used to do as a child. You drag your fingers through the golden threads, humming an old song.

“Se essa rua, se essa rua fosse minha... eu mandava ladrilhar… com pedrinhas de brilhante… para o meu amor passar” you run your fingers through the golden strands, Yelena smiles with her eyes closed.

“You used to sing this…”

“Because my mom sang it” you recall nostalgically “it’s the only thing I remember about her, the feeling of her affection” you run your index finger along the smaller one's upturned nose. “That sweet murmur… years later, when I learned Portuguese, I recognized it, it was a lullaby... nessa rua tem um bosque, que se chama Solidão… dentro dele mora um anjo… que roubou meu coração…”

Yelena's eyes weigh, weigh as they have never weighed, like when you surrender without fear to sleep, when it's okay to sleep, when nothing bad will happen to you because your older sister is here to take care of you.
You carry her up in your arms, still humming.
Natasha woke up with you entering the room, Yelena asleep in your arms. You look at each other in silence, it's scary how you seem to be just children again. Natasha with her blue hair, Yelena is only six. You leave the blonde carefully in bed, and when you turn to leave, she holds your hand.

"Please stay" Yelena asks sleepily, you could never say no to a request from her.

With Yelena sleeping between you and Natasha, you hug her. Natasha looks at you just for a moment, before also snuggling up and passing her arms around the youngest.
The room is quiet, the night is calm, the moonlight enters through the window covering their bodies piled up in bed. At that moment you fall asleep, Natasha's hand in yours, and none of you have anything to fear.

The whistle sounds, the judge indicating the end of another round of the game, or you think that's what's happening.
You really don't understand anything about baseball, and you definitely don't care about this match, since Nikolai is still on the bench. Yelena seems to be having fun.

"You're a fraud, shirt two!" she screams at the top of her lungs to the court.

"You realize he's like... eleven years old, right?" Natasha teases, drinking her soda.

"I don't care, he's from the opposing team and he sucks!" she screams again, Nikolai laughs at the bank. "Who has two huge indicators and is walking towards becoming the favorite aunt? This girl here!" she points to herself with the foam fingers that Natasha takes from her.

Luck only seems to turn when one of the boys on Nikolai's team seems to have twisted his foot, and your boy is on the field. You start screaming more than anyone, cheering more than anyone. Your boy is on the field, and he stayed there until his team won. Nikolai runs straight into your arms, he is radiant.

"Let's make lasagna to celebrate, what do you think? Your favorite!" you say excited, and suddenly Nick seems a little guilty.

"Actually, the coach invited the team to go to his house to celebrate... but I may not go! No problem!"

"What?! No, go celebrate with your friends!" you speak in disguise, watching the smile open on the boy's face.

"Thanks, mom!" he hugs you tight, before running to the team.

"Our little boy is growing up, he's getting too cool to celebrate with his dad and mom" Owen hugs your shoulders with a loving smile.

"He's growing up..." an unjust sadness is born in your chest.

"Hey, I'm kidding! You know he's going to be mommy's little boy forever!" the man holds your face, giving you an tender kiss. Natasha feels guilty for the jealousy inside her, Owen was good for you.

"Okay, okay, what about we let the pre-teen spread his wings and jump out of the nest while we eat something?" Yelena asks.

"You've been wrapped up in hot dogs all day..." Natasha argues, being carried by the shoulders by her younger sister.

"I'm still hungry! Hey chef, do you know how to make mac and cheese?"

Just before eight o'clock Owen goes to pick up Nikolai at the party, you run excited to receive your little champion at the door, but he goes straight by you and goes up to his bedroom.

"What happened?"

"He got benched" Owen tells, making you widen your eyes.

"What? He was so good, I thought you said they were going to solve the problem"

"There's nothing to solve, darling" he approaches you to avoid the risk of the son listening "he's the smallest on the team, the weakest..." this breaks your heart, your little boy worked so hard "give him time, he'll come to us when he's ready”

"Of course… we're about to open some good wine, what do you think?”

Natasha returns to her documents with aggression because now you are in the kitchen with Owen, talking about wine, maybe you even dance around the kitchen to the music playing on the radio, while all Natasha has is Yelena's gaze upon her, challenging her to do something.

Later that night, Owen goes to bed, and you haven't seen much of Nick. You, Yelena, and Natasha sit in the living room, wearing sweaters and drinking wine.
You convinced them to swap documents and plans for photo albums, claiming how that photo of Nick at the science fair was a must-see.
Then hurried footsteps descend the stairs, and Nick appears, running to you.

"Hey, sweetheart! Did we wake you?" he doesn't respond, just throws himself into your arms. "What's wrong, Nick?" you hold him tight while Yelena and Natasha exchange looks. Nikolai's next words freeze your spine.

"He hurt me" you immediately try to pull the boy away, but he clings to you, not wanting to face you.

"Who?"

"The coach”

"Nick, talk to me. Did he touch you?" you try again to talk to the boy, but he remains huddled in your embrace.

Something primal takes over you, a flame long extinguished.
Natasha and Yelena look at each other, because this is no longer Y/N, this is the Widow. And when your next words come out, they are full of venom.

"Don't worry, babe, mom will take care of this”

"Y/N, you need to calm down, you can't handle things like this" Natasha tries to stop you as you storm angrily into the office, swapping your cute sweater for a jacket. Both other women did the same, knowing wherever you go, they would go.

"He hurt my son, Natasha, don't expect me to stand here and do nothing" you search for your keys, growing more stressed.

"Owen said he was going to solve it" Yelena tries.

"Owen is weak!" you snap "I'll do what needs to be done"

You brush past the sisters, and of course they follow you. The rain falls hard, and you drive fast through the streets.
At the end of the city, a party was happening, the rain had stopped when you arrived there. Everyone is drunk, the air smells of weed and burnt motorcycle tires, and the man you're looking for is by the bonfire, flirting with some random girl.

"Lucas!" you call as you approach, everyone looks at you. "What did you do to my son?" Lucas is a guy in his mid-twenties, with long hair and a goatee, and he laughs high at your accusation.

"Easy, lady, I don't even know who your son is" he says, the girls around him laugh at his laid-back demeanor.

"Nikolai, he's been on your football team for six months" you're becoming more impatient.

"Okay, that's enough. There's a party going on here" one of Lucas's friends tries to intervene, grabbing you by your shoulder. You're quick to reverse the game, throwing him away. Yelena moves, but Natasha holds her in place.

"Are you crazy?!" Lucas shouts in your face "I don't remember doing anything to your damn son, okay?!"

"Oh, you don't remember?" you laugh full of danger "I'll make you remember"

You hit him in the stomach, knocking all the air out of him, no one dares to approach, not after what you did to the last one who tried.

Lucas is kneeling, trying to catch his breath, but you grab him by the collar, dragging him through the mud.
Yelena looks apprehensively at Natasha, hoping her sister will do something, stop you, but all Natasha does is stand there, realizing.

You force the trainer to the ground, your foot in the middle of his back as you push his arm at an unsafe angle, making him squirm.
You don't stop to analyze how you feel about it, all that covers your heart is anger. The man screams for help, he begs, he pissed himself, and it feels so good, it makes you feel you.

Until it doesn't. You look at Yelena and Natasha, the younger one looks so distressed, and Natasha is difficult to read. You remember your good moments, playing with Nick, cooking with Owen, your work at the flower shop, your happy moments in Ohio. This is you. You're not an assassin anymore.

Releasing the guy, Lucas crawls away, the rain begins to fall again. You say nothing, looking at the frightened audience around before starting to walk away. But it seems it's not over for some.
That same friend of Lucas runs up to you, he has a iron bar in his hands, because you are dangerous, you are a threat.

It happens too fast for even Yelena or Natasha to do anything. Yelena screams, trying to warn you, Natasha tries to run, but it's too late, the man attacks you from behind, the iron bar hitting your nape.

Everything goes silent for a moment. Everyone watches as the iron bar bends as it hits you.
You stop, not turning around, not immediately. You slowly turn to the man who stares at the twisted iron bar in his hands, while you remain intact.

"What are you?" he asks, full of fear, before he starts to run as everybody.

You resume walking, silent and serious, passing by the sisters. Yelena can't believe what she saw, doesn't know what she saw, doesn't understand.
But Natasha begins to pursue you through the rain.

"When?!" Natasha grabs your arm, she knows you won't resist, not her "when did they give you the super serum?" Yelena looks from her to you, completely shocked. You take a deep breath, this is not how you wanted it to be.

"Can we talk about this at home?" you continue to walk, but Natasha stops you again, a bit more aggressive this time, anxious for answers.

"No, we can't! What else are you hiding from us?!" she shouts through the rain. Natasha is a super spy, the best of all, she never loses her composure, never, except when it comes to you.

"Natasha, can we please talk about this at home?!" you insist, wanting them to calm down and discuss this properly.

"I'm not going back to that house! Not when I don't think I can trust you! You've been lying to us, manipulating us. You never intended to let us go, did you? You never wanted to help!" you look from her to Yelena, the younger one looking at you as if the next thing that came out of your mouth could break her heart.

You can't say the words, but still, they understand. You never wanted to help, never wanted things to change.
For a moment you allowed yourself to fall into the illusion that things could be that way forever. Yelena looks so disappointed, so betrayed, it kills you to see her like this. Natasha, on the other hand, seems full of indignation.

"You almost killed that guy! How do you expect us to trust you when you're so..."

"Dangerous?" you complete, not wanting to hear her say that.

"Unpredictable" the redhead stares at you with disappointment, you feel so small "you could have done so much more!" she yells through the rain. “All this time you could have been with us, become an Avenger, helped people! But instead, you chose to stay here, hiding, wasting all that power, missing the opportunity to make the world a better place. You're so selfish!" that breaks you. It hurts so deeply.

"Selfish? You think I was selfish?! I didn't ask to be kidnapped when I couldn't even wipe the drool off my chin, I didn't ask to be trained and turned into a damn robot my whole life, and I sure as hell didn't ask to be made a lab rat!" you didn't intend to start shouting too, but you were so hurt, all three of you were. “You think I had a choice?! Some of us don't want to go around saving the world, Natasha! Some of us just want to have a damn crappy job, in a damn crappy town, and live their damn crappy lives! Some of us aren't heroes!"

Natasha doesn't answer, she doesn't say anything to you. Yelena looks between the two of you, looking more like a lost child than ever.
You regain control to stop crying, turning and heading back to the car, not expecting them to follow even though you know they would.

The ride back is silent and uncomfortable, none knowing what to say or feel.
The car barely stops when Natasha jumps out, and then it's just you and Yelena, the youngest seeming like she's going to say something, but then she's leaving too. You're left alone, processing what happened. It's over. It was never meant to last forever.

As soon as you enter the house, Natasha is coming down with her backpack, Yelena waiting quietly in the living room with her own suitcase, not even looking at you.

"Tasha, let's talk" she walks past you "you can't leave like this, not now, it's late. You don't even know where you're going"

"Anywhere is better than here, we've wasted too much time with you, Y/N" her tone is bitter and dry, piercing your heart.

"Honey? Is something wrong?" Owen appears at the top of the stairs, in his pajamas and a sleepy look on his face. You sigh, not needing this right now.

"No, Owen. The girls and I are just having a disagreement, but we'll sort it out soon" you dismiss, rubbing your eyes.

"Well, why don't we all sit and have a nice cup of tea? We can talk better that way" he insists, coming down the stairs. Leaving you more frustrated.

"I fear tea won't solve things now, Owen" Natasha speaks with her controlled anger, the man ignores her as he heads to the kitchen.

And then you feel it, a shiver that tingles deep inside your brain, making your hairs stand on end and your pupils dilate.
You still don't know what it is, but you know you need to run, time freezes for a second, you know you need to save Yelena in the middle of the room, you know you need to save Natasha who also seems to have noticed, you need to save Owen in the kitchen and immediately need to run up the stairs towards Nick.

The living room explodes, and you can't do anything. When you wake up your head is muffled, your ears ringing, and your vision is blurry. There's dust all around, it invades your lungs and makes you cough as you rise painfully, Natasha is already by Yelena's side.

"Are you both okay?" you shout amidst the wreckage, Natasha confirms as she lifts the younger one. "Owen?!" you call out, but the kitchen is empty, so you rush upstairs, finding the man with his son in his arms.

"Nick! Are you okay? Are you hurt?" you ask alarmed, checking for any injuries. Nikolai doesn't say anything, he just clings to his father.

"He's scared" Owen speaks, holding the boy tighter.

"Don't worry, I'll solve this, okay? Stay here and stay safe" you reassure, through the window you see the house surrounded, there are so many cars and lights. You have no doubt. They found you.

You rush down the stairs, and there are Natasha and Yelena, you think you must really be selfish because a part of you is no more than relieved to have them here.

”Still know how to use one of these?” Natasha thrusts a gun into your hand, and it seems so natural.

The two girls do nothing, they just look at you, waiting for you to tell them what to do, waiting for you to take care of them.
You're the older sister, so that's what you do.

Chapter Text

"Let's go out through the back door" you say, and the two sisters do as told. 

"Surrender!" a voice orders from outside "don't fight and you'll have a chance to make it out alive. You have five minutes before we storm the house"

Your heart pounds in your ears, conflict settling in your chest. Running through the room, you start gathering what you deem important, believing Owen must be doing the same upstairs with Nikolai.
You run in all directions like scared chickens, stumbling through the wreckage of the bombed room.

"Let's go! Let's get out of here!" you shout as Natasha and Yelena reappear, Owen also emerges with the son down the stairs. "Boys, let's go! Let's go out through the back door" but they don't move, you run to Nikolai, still very quiet "come on, babe, there's no need to be afraid, I won't let anything happen to you. Owen, let's go…" you feel like you're starting to beg.

The man remains unmoved, with so much regret in his eyes. Natasha and Yelena look at each other, having understood everything. You also understand, a part of you.
Your heart doesn't want to understand what your brain has already grasped.

"I'm sorry..." Owen says. It's like a cold shower, a punch in the gut, and anything else you can associate with those moments when words are like a knife slowly piercing your heart, numbing you. You stand there, looking at your traitor, the world is slow and you don't see anything around you.

You feel someone pulling your arm, Natasha leading you outside, shots hitting you as soon as you step out the door, catching you off guard and the only thing you can do is keep running.

It's all so confusing, and you're lost.

Running through the woods, shots pass by you, lights flash through the branches looking for you, occasionally something is thrown, making the ground beside you explode and light up the night.
Natasha and Yelena are a few steps ahead, Yelena runs and Natasha tries to shoot at anything. The woods end, and you're on the road, you recognize it, this is your town.

On the other side there's a junkyard, and you know there's a chance, you want to believe.
You run behind a car, Yelena is quiet and huddled, you're still not fully present, Natasha shoots until her bullets run out and she takes your gun.
You look around, you need to focus, you need to calm down. On the other side of the line there's a car, you know that if you can get there, you can escape.

"Yelena" you turn to the girl next to you, Yelena has wide and alarmed eyes. "You need to run to that car" she looks to where you're pointing, and she refuses, she can't move, Natasha keeps shooting more and more, you know the bullets will run out, so it's time to be the older sister. "Lena, look at me! They won't hit you, okay? I won't let them hit you" you hold the girl's face, making sure she hears you clearly "trust me"

And for some reason that you can't even say, Yelena trusts, taking a deep breath and resuming her posture of brave girl, she stands up and runs, passing through the shots, she gets into the car and starts it, waiting anxiously for you and Natasha still in the middle of the gunfire.

"Hurry up!" the redhead says, it's almost ridiculous for her to think you would actually go without her, but if Natasha stops shooting, you won't make it out of there alive, you need a distraction.

You hope you're not relying too much on yourself when you reach for a tire on the ground, handling it as if it weighs nothing, you look at the target, take aim, and throw.

The car is hit by the tire that goes through it, the explosion blinding everyone for moments, moments that you grab Natasha and pull her with you to the car.

Along the way, the two sisters switch places, you're in the back seat, looking around, it seems you managed to lose them for now. The two spies are discussing where to go while you remain quiet, processing what happened. You lost everything again.

Owen, Nikolai, they never existed, lied to you from the beginning, hired to keep an eye on you, like watching over a dormant volcano. You never truly escaped, this was still the red room, all of this.
Your thoughts are interrupted when something falls onto the car, Natasha starts shaking the vehicle back and forth trying to dislodge whatever it is. Gunshots ring out beside you, and you jump into Yelena's lap, shielding her body with yours. Natasha pulls the handbrake, and your assailant is thrown away.

It's the first time you see him, face to face, but you can't really see his face. It's entirely covered by armor, green and black completing it as he stare at you.

"What the hell-" Yelena is interrupted by the strong impact of the car hitting your rear, dragging you towards the masked figure who awaited you maliciously. You control the steering while Natasha shoots, getting closer as the masked person jumps onto the car, ripping a hole in the roof, and suddenly the steering wheel is no longer in your hands.

The car starts to be thrown against the barrier, you need to get out of there, fast.

You hold onto the door tightly, clasping Yelena's hands around your waist and grabbing Natasha. You throw yourself against the door, tearing it off the car, and as you slide across the asphalt, all you can think about is holding onto the two sisters tightly, the car they were in flipping next to you.

As soon as you stop, you don't even have time to breathe, the masked person is coming towards you, grabbing the tire that came loose from your car, he throws it in your direction, which seems to be a direct revenge. You push Natasha out of the way, holding the door in front of you, you fly backwards when hit. You feel your back being hit and you fall limply to the ground.

Yelena starts shooting at the assailant, and suddenly Natasha is on top of him, her legs are around his neck as she hits him with punches and elbows, being easily pulled away and thrown aside, she rolls a few meters until Yelena reaches her, shooting at the masked person who defends himself.

They run to you still lying there.

"Y/N, let's go!" Natasha shouts while.

"I can't move" you say softly.

"What?!" the redhead kneels beside you while Yelena still shoots, buying time for you.

"I can't move" you repeat. There's so much terror in your eyes that confuses Natasha. She looks at Yelena, seeing that they are running out of time.

"Do you feel this?" Natasha grabs your hand, squeezing three times. You don't think you feel it, a tear runs from your eyes to the ground under your cheek. “Ccme on, Y/N, focus" you do as told, closing your eyes and concentrating.

"I feel it" you feel her warm fingers against your hand. You feel the warmth and life.

"Then you can move"

And you believe her.

Slowly you move your leg, an immeasurable relief washing over you. Natasha helps you up, the three of you meet, noticing that you are in front of the subway and entering it, by this point the day was already dawning and the movement started.

"What the hell kind of Power Ranger is that?!" Yelena shouts as she runs, you notice that out of the three, she's the one who retains the humor, at least when she's nervous.

"Keep running!" Natasha alerts. And you feel it again, that tingle inside your brain. You turn in time, a disc coming straight at you, and on impulse, you grab it, your left arm shattering in the process, you're impressed it lasted this long.

It's not the same masked assailant, this one's clothes are dark but with red details, it doesn't really matter because he looks equally determined to eliminate you all, so you grab the disc with your good arm, and return it with equal intensity.

The shield hits the ground, ricocheting towards the masked assailant who ducks just in time. He slowly looks from the shield embedded in the wall behind his head to you, and there you know you've made a personal enemy.

"Oh great, there's two!" Yelena can't help but comment as you resume running. The subway is huge, full of corridors, and at some point, you lose sight of each other.

You're panting, exhausted and sore, looking around desperately for the sisters, concern occupying your confused mind.

One moment you are having dinner with your family and making plans for the weekend, and the next you are here.

The good thing is that once again you don't have time to think, when suddenly a blow hits you from one of the corridors, the kick knocks you down but you're quick to get up, facing the first masked assailant.

“Ah, there you are! I was starting to miss you, thought we were having something here”

He doesn't respond, rushing towards you, you're rusty but fighting is second nature to you. You don't want to fight, don't want to attack, so you just defend yourself as best you can with your one arm.

He tries to hit you with the shield, and you don't even see how you do it but you take it for yourself, and when he starts shooting, you have something to defend yourself with.

You run and kick the weapon from his hand, starting a hand-to-hand combat, you're not bad at it, you've done it before.

Dreykov is a sadistic and abnormal man, whatever he can make difficult, he will.

You've fought blindfolded, with your ears plugged, with a knife stuck in your leg, and with only one arm.

You know how to fight with one arm, know how to slit a throat with one arm, know how to break a neck with one arm, and when you see the train approaching, you know how to win this fight with just one arm.

At one point, the masked assailant is on top of you on the ground, a knife at your neck. He's as strong as you, and you had forgotten what it's like not to be in control.

You crush his wrist and make him release the knife, throwing him away, and the next thing he does is run towards you, which is exactly what you wanted because that's when you dodge, grab him, and throw him onto the tracks, sure that he can take the hit from the oncoming train.

“Looks like Zordon will need a new Ranger" you mutter tiredly, and then Natasha and Yelena appear, and you don't think twice before running to hug them tightly.

You keep running, feeling like you might finally get out of there, but then the first masked assailant is back, and this nightmare doesn't seem to have an end.

None of you have the capacity to fight anymore, so you run, until you can't anymore, until the end of the line.

"No!" you curse as you reach a dead-end corridor, you could try to go back, could catch a train and leave, but the first masked assailant is in front of you, and he points a machine gun at you.

You stand in front of Natasha and Yelena, there's nowhere to go, nowhere to run, you could try to fight, but you'd be hit before you even got close. You may have the super serum but you're definitely not bulletproof.

He's going to shoot, he's going to kill you, he's going to kill Yelena and Natasha, and you can't do anything, you're not fast enough, you just stand there, can't move, can't think of anything clever to say. You're so scared.

You close your eyes, the machine gun drum starts spinning. And nothing comes. You open your eyes again to see the masked, he stares at you for a few seconds, and then turns around and walks away.

None of you understand what just happened, did he just let you go? Was it that easy?

Natasha and Yelena don't want to stay there to question, they start running again, but you don't, you can't, it doesn't feel right. So you walk in the other direction, behind the masked.

You find him in front of the tracks where another train is parked ready to leave, and the masked is there, as if waiting for you, and when you approach, he starts shooting. The wall in front of the train bursts with bullets and everyone inside the train falls to the ground.

"No!" you shout and run towards him, you try to push him but your feet seem glued to the ground, you try to take the gun but everything about him suddenly feels like plaster.

Your mind is racing, this doesn't make sense, he brought you here to see all these people die. You need to act fast, the machine gun is moving, getting closer and closer to the crowded carriages.

"Stop!" you keep trying to stop him, pushing him from one side, pulling him from another.

"It won't work" a voice says, and you finally look up, noticing that the mask has come off, noticing that it's not a he, but a she. The girl behind the mask looks younger than you, her brown eyes seem empty, and her voice is robotic. "It's the armor, you can't fight against it"

"I've fought so far!" you speak, strained due to the effort you make to stop her.

"It's different, the armor let you fight, all to bring you to this moment"

"Why?!"

"Because you have to choose" she continues in her monotone tone. You squeeze your face with confusion "my vital signs are directly linked to the armor, you know what you need to do" she explains, and you deny it stunned.

"No... there must be another way!" you keep trying, using all your strength to tear off that armor, but it doesn't move, and the machine gun gets closer and closer.

"There's no other way, you need to choose"

"No!"

"Choose"

"Why are you doing this?!"

"Choose"

"Please!"

"It's not me" you look up again, to the same face you saw before, but this time it looks directly at you, speaks directly to you "they're forcing me, the armor controls me" the girl's eyes seem filled with emotion this time, no longer empty, and you know it's her "please..."

The decision weighs heavily, a stark reminder of the choices you've made and the person you used to be. You know what you must do, but every fiber of your being rebels against the idea of taking another life. Torn between your instincts of self-preservation and your newfound moral compass, you hesitate, tears blur your vision as you grapple with the impossible choice before you. In the end, you know there's no other way out, no escape from the violence surrounding you.

With a heavy heart and trembling hands, you close your eyes as if you don't want to see what you're about to do, a voice whispers in your ear, a reminder of the person you've strived to be, the person you fought so hard to become. It's quick and you know it's not painless. You stop fighting against the weapon and grasp the girl's neck, in one swift, decisive motion snapping it with a loud crack.

The machine gun stops inches before hitting the full train, and immediately the girl falls lifeless into your arms. You hold her tight, resting your face against the braids of her hair, she was so young, and you feel it rising in your throat, crawling upwards. Tears fill your eyes and your face contorts in pure agony as you stare at the ground, when your mouth opens, a loud howl escapes from it. Because you're filled with anguish, the anguish walks through your body like hot coals. 

Because in one night you lost your family, you lost your son, you lost everything you thought you had. You thought you had escaped, but you never did, they still control you. You never left the red room.

And now you've just taken the life of an innocent young soul.

Yelena and Natasha appear, they freeze upon seeing you and what had happened, people are starting to exit the train and are also looking at you. The two sisters don't know what to do, they have no idea how to comfort you now, Natasha approaches cautiously, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, which only makes you cry harder and cling even tighter to the lifeless girl.

You don't want to let her go, you want to take her body to her family, to her father and mother.

Yelena also approaches, as bewildered as the avenging sister, and then another figure appears, you can only see from the corner of your eye and know that she's coming quickly towards you.

Stumbling, you stand up, weakly in front of the sisters, ready for a fight. But you don't assure that you seem as threatening with your exhausted and battered body, nor with your face full of cuts, tears, and mucus.

"Lower your guard, Y/N. They're gone"

"Mrs. Jiang?" the woman nods as if she's cleaning up a mess she didn't make.

"Come on, let's have a cup of tea, you don't want to be seen around here" the woman says and walks away, casually and without concern. You, Natasha, and Yelena exchange glances, cautiously following her.

You've been in this house before, sat on this plush sofa, had tea in this cup.

You three of you are sitting in the living room, waiting, it's silent and you don't meet their eyes, feeling their gaze on you as you discard what's left of your arm onto the carpet.

"Y/N... I'm sorry" it's Yelena who speaks, of course it is, she's not sure what she's exactly apologizing for.

"It's okay" you reply, equally dragged "it's not the first time this has happened”. They're not sure what part you're referring to, whether it's losing your family again, or murdering someone, they believe it's for everything.

"Cookies?" Mrs. Jiang reappears, she sips her tea calmly while being watched, you can't believe your eyes.

"Was it all fake?" you ask bluntly "everyone knew but me?"

"Oh, dear, don't dwell on it too much. We all knew it wouldn't last forever" the old woman says, looking right at you "and you knew too, didn't you? Oh, you knew. You felt something wasn't right, that it was... too perfect, but you let it be that way, you didn't intervene. You chose to live in this falsehood, Y/N, we're all here because of you"

Your throat is tight, you can't say anything, unable to deny. You look down at your hand, trying to clean the dirt from your nails, and then Mrs. Jiang is continuing:

"How was it? Killing her?" you look up quickly, incredulous at the question, incredulous at this new person in front of you, this cold and calculating woman, nothing like the kind neighbor you knew.

"Why are you doing this to me?" is all you can ask, you need to know what you did wrong.

"You still haven't realized, have you? Your power. The pheromone doesn't work on you, but they can still use your mind. They thought that by giving you a taste of who you used to be, they'd get back their great weapon. That's why they set you up against that coach" your heart clenches, it was all a plan, Nick did this to you? You almost killed that innocent man.

"But of course, you failed. So they needed to be more direct. They brought her here just to die, just so you'd kill her. To destabilize you, to bring out what you are and are trying to hide"

"I'm not a killer anymore"

"You think it's that easy? That you wake up one day and decide you're no longer a killer and that's it? It doesn't work like that, not for people like you" both Yelena and Natasha seem uncomfortable with the woman's harsh words, you do nothing, say nothing, don't even interrupt, you just listen "the person you are, the things you've done, they don't just disappear out of thin air"

Mrs. Jiang finishes, sipping her tea, the room falls silent, you don't have the courage to lift your head.

"Well, we appreciate the tea but we're leaving now" Natasha gets up quickly, gathering her cup and deciding that you've had enough.

You walk quietly to the door, before leaving you stop, turning one last time to the woman in the armchair, she looks as serene as ever.

"Mrs. Jiang, do you think they ever really liked me?" you ask softly. The old woman takes a deep breath, showing the slightest hint of mercy so far.

"Go away, Y/N" she says, and you know that whoever she needed to warn about your presence, she wouldn't.

Mrs. Jiang remained sipping her tea in the dark room with a scrawny dog lying by her side.

You continue walking along the shoulder, still in silence, Yelena humming a song occasionally, seeming too incapable of staying quiet for a trained spy, the sun is hot on the edge of New Mexico and you need to find a place to stop, entering a convenience store, you grab some clothes and go in search of food, both you and Yelena hoping that Natasha uses her avenger credit.

"Where's the Red Room located?" Natasha asks, all of you checking the shelves.

"There's no specific place, it keeps changing and all the widows are sedated when they arrive and when they leave" Yelena explains, and it kind of hurts your heart that she knows that. That you left her there to find out.

"I find it hard to believe she stayed off my radar" the redhead says. Maybe she feels guilty too, maybe she's just very self-centered.

"It's not smart to attack an avenger when you want to stay hidden, I mean, the clue is in the name. If Dreykov kills you, one of the big guys comes back to avenge you" you pretend not to hear, that you're too busy choosing cereal bars, wholeheartedly agreeing with the blonde. Yelena grew up and became a discerning woman.

"Bigs? What do you mean?" You can't believe Natasha has grown up and become naive.

"I doubt the God from space has to take ibuprofen after a fight" they stare at each other, and there's something so serious between them that you'd rather stay quiet in your corner "where did you think I was all this time?"

You quickly turn to Natasha, she meets your gaze and you both look away at the same time. So much guilt. But Natasha doesn't turn the question to you, she leaves you huddled in the corner. It must be because both of them already know the answer, you knew Yelena was in the same place where you left her. You tried to ignore it for so many years, but she was there, and you knew.

"I thought you had left and were living a normal life" the avenger answers uncomfortably and embarrassed.

"And you never wanted to get in touch?" the blonde is trying to hide her hurt, but both you and Natasha see through her.

"I thought you didn't want to see me," that gets a laugh out of Yelena.

"Bullshit, you just didn't want your little sister hanging on you while you saved the world with the cool guys" that offends Natasha, you can see that, but you'd never expect what the redhead says next:

"You were never my sister"

It's direct and firm, without hesitation, it makes both you and Yelena freeze.
You get angry, you want to lash out at Natasha, make her feel ashamed of what she said. But what you did was much worse, you knew, and you never came back.
They know that, that's why the conversation never comes to you, and they start arguing like only two sisters would.

"And the Avengers aren't your family" Yelena says intending to hurt the redhead too but then she's changing her path, and doing things like she always does: pretending she doesn't care. "Why do you always do that thing?"

"What thing?" Natasha responds, trying not to pay too much attention to the blonde.

"You know... that thing you always do when you fight" and then Yelena is mimicking the famous pose of the avenger, so showy. A laugh escapes your mouth, you quickly swallow it when Natasha looks at you annoyed, Yelena smiles satisfied "it's like you think everyone's looking at you all the time"

"All this time I spent posing" Natasha cuts in seriously "I was trying to do the right thing to make up for all the pain and suffering we caused... being more than just a trained assassin"

"Natasha" It's when the avenger seems more invested in hurting the blonde that you feel you need to intervene. Both of them look at you as if they had forgotten you were there. The redhead immediately looks embarrassed, and it seems like a family curse that she's so furious right after.

"And where have you been all this time?! It's so easy to stay there and leave her throw me under the bus when you were out here too, and worse, you knew!" the redhead condemns you and you don't say anything, you can't, you have no way to defend yourself. You just lower your head, focused on the cereal in your hand, letting them condemn you. Seeing that you wouldn't say anything, they move on disappointed, paying the cashier who was already fed up with the family therapy.

"Well, then you were fooling yourself because pain and suffering happen every day, and we're still trained assassins. Except it's not me on the cover of a magazine. I'm not the assassin little girls call a hero"

Yelena finishes and leaves hurt. You and Natasha stay staring at each other in silence, there's nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing that will make things better. And Natasha is leaving too.
There's a deep and old wound in your relationship and you don't think you can heal it.
You've spent the last few hours apart, each in a corner like sulking children.
You took the time to rest, eat, and God, you need a shower. New clothes and cleaning up at the bathroom sink should help a bit.
You wash your face, soot and blood swirling down the drain. You force yourself to look in the mirror, wondering how you got to this point.
From the pocket of your torn pants, you take out a folded paper, having had time to only grab what was important, a photo of you and Nikolai at Christmas was the most important thing you could want.
You had just finished decorating the Christmas tree and he was so eager to open the presents that you didn't even make him wait until the next day.
The bathroom door suddenly opens, hitting you.

"Oh, sorry, I thought it was empty" you hear from the person on the other side.

"Natty?" Natasha stops upon hearing you call, only now noticing it's you.

"Y/N? Sorry, I didn't see you, I'm really in a hurry"

"Come in"

"No, it's okay, I'll wait..."

"Come on..." you grab her hand, pulling her into the tiny bathroom "it's not like we haven't done this before"

You don't look to see if Natasha is embarrassed or not, she does what she needs to do and when she stands up you need to pick up the photo left on the sink, which the redhead looked at for too long.

"She's a good girl, you know, she didn't mean to hurt you" you say.

"She did, but it's okay, I deserve it" you want to intervene but Natasha is quicker "are you hurt?" she asks, looking at your scratched back.

"Nothing that the super serum can't fix... you on the other hand" Natasha flinches when you touch her injured forehead "come here..." you pull Natasha by her jacket, and as expected, she hesitates. "Nat... let me take care of you"

It's amazing to say this, but Natasha lets you, she lets you pull her close, lets you take off her jacket and reveal her wounds, most of them aren't from today.
Natasha held her breath as long as she could so you could clean her bruised face more easily, totally not because the way you touch her face was so gentle and raw, that it made the cold spread through the redhead's stomach, and when her nervous gaze started to get weird, she looked away from the narrow and dimly lit bathroom, thinking of the window with no view, the trembling light, and that bizarre stain in the corner of the wall.
Inside the cramped bathroom, the air is thick with tension, and the only sound is the soft dripping of water from the faucet. You carefully tend to her wounds, your touch is gentle but deliberate, tracing the lines of her injuries with care.
The redhead's breath catches when your fingers linger on her skin, the electricity between you palpable in the confined space. Your eyes meet, locking in a silent exchange full of desires and unspoken emotions. But despite the chemistry, you both resist the urge to get closer, each perfectly aware of the boundaries you've set. Instead, you remain suspended in that moment, teetering on the brink of something more.
It's you who looks away first, grabbing a box of band-aids, eliciting a laugh from the avenger when she sees the box.

"You're not gonna rub that in my face!"

"Why not? It's pretty cool, the model is my favorite" you say, holding up the Black Widow-themed band-aid box. Natasha laughs a bit more embarrassedly, but her smile fades as she stares at the packaging. "Nat... talk to me" you request softly and patiently.

"When I joined the Avengers, I thought I was doing everything right. I thought I knew who and what I was fighting for. I thought I'd make a difference this way"

"You did. You saved so many people... you can't blame yourself for letting something slip through" you repeat again, repeating until Natasha understands she can't control everything.

"She was still there, Y/N... I left her there..."

"I left her too, and I knew. If you want to blame someone, blame me. Blame me, Tasha" you plead, unable to stand Natasha's self-loathing anymore, unable to stand her being so cruel to herself. If it's to be mean, let it be mean to you, if it's to blame someone, let it blame you, because you knew.

"Be honest, Y/N, you're a super soldier now, you don't need saving. But if your life depended on me, would you trust me?"

"I would" you answer quickly and without hesitation. You would trust her, even knowing Natasha doesn't trust you, that she has no reason to. But she needs this more than you do now. "I would trust my life to you, Natasha. I always have"

You leave that bathroom with a little more faith in your hearts.
Yelena is sitting at one of the tables, struggling to bandage herself, you and Natasha look at each other and the redhead nods at you before entering the nearby bar.
You gently pull a chair, sitting next to the blonde who doesn't resist when you take the bandages for yourself and start patching her up, for a few minutes you just sit there in silence while you fix her.
It feels a lot like when you often put ointment on Yelena's scraped knees when she was a child. She was full of life and energy, always running around.
But now she's not a kid anymore, you notice that when she gladly accepts the beer that Natasha hands her when she returns.

"That gas... the antidote..." the redhead says, sitting across from you.

"It was secretly synthesized by an older widow from Melina's generation, I was on a mission to get it when I was exposed to it. Then I executed the widow who freed me" you and Natasha look at each other, affected by the regret in the younger's voice.

"Did you have a choice?" Natasha asks.

"What you went through was psychological conditioning, I'm talking about chemical alteration of brain functions. They're completely different things. You're conscious but you don't know if it's your decision... I still don't know"

"Is that all that's left?" you refer to the few vials in the bag.

"It's the only way to stop Dreykov" you pause in patching her up for a moment, blowing on the wound so the medicine doesn't sting. It's involuntary, like you used to do with Nikolai. You don't think about how ridiculous it is to blow on the wound of a trained spy who can endure torture; you're just taking care of your younger sister. "How did you escape?" you sigh heavily at the question, finishing up the bandage.

"I didn't escape" you grab your own beer, even though alcohol has no effect on you. The sisters look at you, and you know you'll have to offer more than that. "After I was left in Ohio, they found me and took me to the Red Room, to the lab" Natasha and Yelena swallow hard, not pleased with what they heard.

"That doesn't make sense" Yelena is the only one brave enough to speak up. “Why you? You were his best spy"

"Second best" Natasha interjects, apologizing as soon as she receives a look from her younger sister for the interruption.

"Why you? And what did that old lady mean about pheromones?" the blonde repeats.

"I don't think I'm the best person to explain that, Mae will give you all the answers"

"Y/N..."

"Lena... respira" you say, putting your fist over her heart and massaging the spot, the blonde does the same, calming down. In the distance, a group of boys were playing soccer.

"He'll keep wanting more and more, kids who have no one to protect them, like us when we were little. To him, we're just things, faceless weapons he can throw away" Yelena speaks seriously "and no one is going after him thanks to Natasha and Alexei" the second name stirs up a long-extinguished fervor in your guts.

You sit in silence, drinking your beers, around you there are many families, children having fun with their parents. For you, it was always much more than growing up watching other children have what you never did, but at the same time, it was just about that.

"Have you ever wanted to go after your real parents?" Yelena asks dreamily.

"Well, my mother left me abandoned on the street like trash" Natasha says with a cynical smile.

"And mine are somewhere in Brazil" it was the only thing you knew about yourself, you were kidnapped from very far away. Imported merchandise.

"Never thought about going there?" Natasha had been to Brazil a few times for missions. It's a warm and cheerful place, it was your place.

"It was my plan as soon as I escaped, but then I met Owen and Nikolai, and it was love at first sight" your smile fades heavily. Neither you nor the girls dared to broach the topic until now.

"What's your plan now?" Yelena asks.

"First, we're going to take down the Red Room, and then I'm going after my son" you reply with conviction "and you, Lena? Did you go after your parents?"

"My documents were all destroyed, so I reinvented them; my parents still live in Ohio, one of my sisters moved out West"

"Really?" Natasha asks amused.

"You teach art, but you're only there part-time because you also have a band."

"A band?"

"You've always been a bit rock and roll" you interject "that blue hair never fooled anyone" all of you laugh, lighter than ever.

"And my other sister went to Brazil, to explore her culture" your eyes fill with affection for the blonde, wanting more than anything for her version to be true. In another universe, maybe. “But somehow, they always find their way back to each other" this elicits a shy glance between you and Natasha.

"And what about you, Lena? What happens to you in this new version of the story?" you ask.

"Oh, I have a dog"

"You have a dog? Is that all?"

"That's all that matters to me" and there you and Natasha decided that the mission of your lives would be to get Yelena a dog. At least Yelena agreed to keep the Avenger's band-aid on her arm.

"Okay, what's the plan now?" Natasha asks.

"We need to find a way to duplicate the serum, locate the Red Room that keeps changing locations, and get Dreykov who keeps slipping away" you reason disheartened "it's going to be easy."

"At the very least, fun" Natasha says.

"It's going to be fun" Yelena says "but you know what all this means, right?". She doesn't even need to suggest it, you and Natasha already have your faces closed, groaning loudly as the blonde continues. “Family reunion. Come on? It's going to be good, there's definitely some unfinished business in our family and we need that to move forward"

"That's it, we're taking down the Red Room" you say.

"Once and for all" Natasha finishes.

You finish your drinks and make your way, borrowing a car that you don't intend to return.

"What's up with the vest?" you ask Yelena at some point in the back seat, and the blonde seems nothing less than pleased to talk about it.

"Did you know it was the first piece of clothing I bought when I left?" she reveals, admiring the garment.

"Really? That's cool! It has a lot of pockets"

"Isn't it?! I even modified some myself..." Yelena continues excitedly, you and Natasha look at each other, happy to see the youngest one content, Yelena was still your little sister who was enchanted by the little things in life.

"What do you think, Tasha?" and she was still a little girl seeking approval from her older sister.

"It's nice..." Natasha is a terrible liar for a professional spy. “Green, very green and military..." this elicits a petulant grunt from Yelena.

"Whatever, I never had control over my own life before, I want to do stuff" at this remark, Natasha looks at you, then gives that damn restrained smile that makes your heart race.

"I liked the vest..." the redhead admits, making Yelena cheer.

"I knew it! It's super cool, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's cool..."

You continue on your way with Yelena chattering about vests and dogs, and any other thought she might want to share with her older sisters, like a normal young person should.

You drive for a few hours, Yelena is sleeping in the back seat, and you and Natasha are in silence enjoying the Brazilian radio you found.

"While we were fighting earlier..." the redhead breaks the silence "you said you couldn't move... at first I thought it was just a fight injury, but you seemed so scared, I just..." Natasha grips the steering wheel tighter, not knowing how to express the fact that seeing you in so much distress left her so upset.

You sigh, turning to look out the window.

"When I fell from the plane, my spine was affected, I was paralyzed for a few months”

"Months? That must have been terrible" Natasha asks intrigued, you squint, hating to remember.

"It was, but things are better now" you fall back into silence, the music still playing.

"So is that it? Your big fear, being paralyzed again?"

"I'm afraid of being alone, I was alone for too long while in the Red Room" you confess, catching Natasha off guard, but she knows exactly what to say.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore, Yelena won't leave your side anytime soon" you laugh, but you know she means much more. You have each other again, and it's going to be forever.

"Just Yelena?" you ask, and Natasha smiles, that smile that's just for you. You don't notice Yelena smiling in the back seat too, and you continue the journey peacefully as you turn up the music.

Olha bem mulher
Eu vou te ser sincero
Eu tô com uma vontade danada
de te entregar todos os beijos
que eu não te dei

E eu tô com uma saudade apertada
de ir dormir bem cansado
e de acordar do teu lado para te dizer
que eu te amo
que eu te amo demais.

Chapter Text

Yelena is trying to eat jerky, but all you can focus on is Natasha, she's chatting with the agent who got her that rickety helicopter, they seem happy to see each other. You can't ignore it, jealousy took hold of you, despite your mind protesting its irrationality. Knowing you had no legitimate right to these feelings it’s a bitter cocktail of insecurity and guilt, poisoning your thoughts.
You force yourself to look away, Yelena still insists on eating that jerky, Natasha returns, carrying three white uniforms in her hands.

"Here, one for each of us" she hands the pieces to you and Yelena.

You check the helicopter while the two girls finish dressing, noticing the agent doing the same.

"Thanks for the help" you say as you approach, drawing the man's attention away from his tablet.

"Oh, no problem. Anything for Nat!" the phrase, the use of the nickname, everything makes your chest tighten against your heart.

"So, you... you and her..." you don't want to complete that sentence, and fortunately you don't have to.

"No! Definitely not" the man laugh "you have no idea how many years it took me just to start gaining her trust" a relieved sigh leaves you as you allow yourself to laugh and nod because you understand. "I'll always help her, she's kinda worth it, isn't she?" you look in the direction he was focused on. Natasha and Yelena are approaching, wearing their own white uniforms.

A wave of heat floods your body, making your heart race and your pulse quicken. Your breath catches in your throat, and you find yourself unable to look away.

"She's worth it" you murmur, mesmerized, losing the knowing gaze of the man beside you.

"Ready?" the agent asks, and after many thanks, you're finally in the air. Precariously, but in the air.

Of course, Alexei had to be in the worst place on earth, an ultra-protected prison in the middle of nowhere.
The plan was simple: you and Yelena take control of the helicopter while Natasha rescues Alexei since the man didn't seem able to do it himself.
You watched from the sidelines as the widow jumped and landed in her typical fighting pose.
"Such a poser!" you hear Yelena say beside you, eliciting a laugh.
Turns out, flying a helicopter with just one hand is considerably difficult, and at some point, you veer into Natasha with the aircraft.

"Really?!" she turns back indignantly after narrowly escaping.

"Sorry!" you shout back, knowing she won't hear you.

Natasha is down there, fighting against the guards who keep appearing.
And then suddenly, they're shooting at you, who would've thought trying to invade a prison and free a prisoner would cause this?
Yelena isn't as patient as you, and before you know it, she's at the back of the helicopter, a bazooka over one shoulder as she aims.
"Lena, what are you doing?" she fires off before you can finish, and it works, they stop shooting at you, because now you all have an avalanche to worry about.
You wish you could let go of the controls and slap Yelena for the comment about it being a cool way to die. Because you don't want to die here, and you don't want Natasha to die here, and she's still down there!
You rev the engine, needing to get all of you out of there, so you wait and prepare, and when you take off with the plane, Natasha and Alexei are hanging onto it.

When you're already stabilized in the air, Natasha climbs up, you don't look back, you can't.
You don't feel prepared for this moment.
One of the earpieces is taken, and you hear the voice that haunted your thoughts for so many years, thankfully, before Alexei says anything, Yelena is doing you the favor of punching him in the face.
"Son of a bitch-" the man recoils in pain "okay, what's with the aggression?" he asks, you didn't remember his accent being so thick, or if he always sounded so drunk.
Either way, a wave of nausea washes over you, churning your stomach.

You can almost feel the color draining from your body as your vision blurs.
Every fiber of your being screamed to flee, to escape the suffocating grip of the memories threatening to overwhelm you.
Yet, you need to force yourself to stay focused on flying.
Yelena is arguing, talking about your reproductive system, and Alexei still doesn't seem to have noticed you.
With each word spoken by him, the weight of the past descends upon you like a suffocating blanket, robbing the air from your lungs and leaving you breathless.
As you struggled to maintain composure, a bitter taste rose in your throat, threatening to choke you. You clenched your stomach, forcing yourself to contain the bile rising, desperate to maintain some semblance of control in the face of overwhelming emotion.

"And who's this?" you hear him ask. It was time, the time you had been avoiding so much.

You turn, and it's as if Alexei has seen a ghost.
Your gazes meet, and a wave of conflicting emotions surges within you, anger, hurt, and a persistent sense of betrayal.
Alexei's eyes widen, his face pale, frozen as if he can't believe what's in front of him.
"You..." he whispers, more to himself.
He can see the pain reflected in your eyes, a painful reminder of the wounds he had inflicted.

"You're... here" Alexei says. Despite the pain, you're drawn to the vulnerability in the man's tone.

"Half of me" Alexei does nothing but nod with regret.

Yelena and Natasha notice the heavy atmosphere between you all, but neither says anything as you turn away again.
"It means a lot to me that you've come back for me" it's the last thing you pay attention to.

Tears welled in your eyes, not from sadness, but from the sheer intensity of your anger, a molten torrent threatening to overflow and burn everything in its path.

The sight of the person who had caused you so much anguish filled you with seething hatred, a primal desire to attack and inflict the same pain you had endured. Every fiber of your being screamed for vengeance, for retribution against the one who dared to betray your trust so cruelly.
And suddenly the helicopter is failing, you look around in panic, trying to understand what went wrong. Yelena and Alexei argue, Natasha seems impatient with both of them.

"What happened?" you ask, approaching, the redhead's worried gaze immediately on you.

"The big guy there didn't listen to me when I said we were low on gas" Yelena rants, you don't understand how she seems so calm, how they all seem.

"Okay, let's grab the parachutes" Natasha speaks, but there's a problem.

"We only have two" Yelena comments.

"You three are light, you can share one” Alexei moves closer when you shout.

"Back off!" and both Yelena and Natasha are surprised to see the man obey without contesting. "Yelena will take one" you walk, reaching for one of the parachutes for the blonde who refuses.

"And you two?"

"Let's sort this out, but none of us three are leaving here before you" you say, and Yelena accepts the parachute because she knows you're telling the truth. Then the helicopter door is opened, and she jumps.

"Great, one parachute, what are we gonna do now?" Alexei asks, and you and Natasha look at each other, a plan in mind.

"I can think of one thing" and before the man can say anything, you're kicking him out. And God, how liberating that feels. You walk to the door, it's quite a few meters to the ground, but what are you waiting for? You have the super soldier serum, you will be okay. So why can't you jump?
Your body is frozen.
You feel a hand on your shoulder, Natasha is equipped with the parachute, and she opens her arms for you.
You feel ashamed at how much you resemble a child running to its mother's arms.
Clutching onto the redhead tightly, you descend towards the ground with gentleness and security, trying not to dwell too much on it and not to relive your trauma anymore, you bury your face in Natasha's neck, trusting her completely.

As you land on solid ground, Yelena and Alexei were already arguing.
Your head still spins even when you have solid ground beneath your feet, you kneel on it for a moment, reminding yourself that everything is okay.
Natasha looks at you with tenderness, but she lets you go, knowing you need your time.
As you struggle to regain your composure, you hear the Avenger and Alexei arguing, something about Captain America.

"Why all this tension?" the man asks, genuinely confused "did I do something wrong?" Yelena seems so indignant now.

"Is that a serious question?" the blonde retorts.

"I've always loved you girls. I did my best to make sure you succeeded, and it paid off"

"Paid off?" Natasha questions. You don't even bother to respond, not even feeling angry anymore. Just a great indignation as you join them again.

"We completed our mission in Ohio! Yelena, you became the greatest child assassin the world has ever known" Alexei speaks as if he truly believes his words make sense. “And Natasha... an Avenger! And you, Y/N..." the man falters, hesitation in anything he could say "all of you..." he clings to Yelena and Natasha.

"If you touch me, I'll break your head" you warn, making the man step back before he could touch you.

"All of you killed so many people... I couldn't be prouder of you!" he pulls Natasha and Yelena into a hug, and it's kind of comical. Especially when Lena comments on how the man stinks.
You start walking, and you make sure to reach Natasha to thank her for the parachute ride, she responds with a smile.

"Are we there yet?" Yelena asks after a while.

"We'll know when we get there" Alexei replies and then imitates a pig, whatever that means.

And then you know what it means, when you arrive at the pigsty and the woman who has the gun pointed at your chest.
You and Melina used to be the closest, you were mommy's little girl, and now she has a gun pointed at your chest.
Melina lowers the rifle and looks at each of you, lingering on you for a second longer, and you feel embarrassed, turning to the side as if you could hide the fact that you're shattered. Melina betrayed you too, but you don't want her to see you like this. Maybe a part of you is still mommy's little girl.

"Darling... we're back" Alexei speaks and it's ridiculous how hopeful and loving he sounds.

Melina says nothing, yet you all follow her.
You look around the house, discovering everything about this new woman who used to tuck you in at night.

"Is there a trap here?" Natasha asks defensively.

"I didn't raise my daughters to fall into traps” the woman says convincingly.

"You didn't raise us" the redhead is quick to retort.

"Fair, but if you all went soft, it's not my fault" Melina says, and when you sit at the table, everyone tries to ignore the strange sounds Alexei makes in the bathroom. You drink in silence when Alexei clears his throat, and there he is in his red guardian uniform.

"It still fit" the man says, and clearly it doesn't fit anymore. And God, you can't believe Melina is actually flirting back.

"Family, together again" Alexei says as he sits with you, and then Melina is saying you're not a family, and Natasha is agreeing.

The Avenger tries to talk about the plan, but once again your "parents" start flirting, causing a disgusted expression on the three of you.

"Stop, don't do this" Natasha speaks, causing outrage in the man.

"Melina and I had to endure all that pre-adolescent puppy love phase of you two" he insinuates to you and Natasha, your ears turning red as you sink into your chair, not much different from the Avenger. “All those looks and contained juvenile love... don't tell us to stop now"

"Natasha, don't bend" Melina says out of nowhere, the Avenger immediately returning to her straight posture and arguing back.

"Listen to your mother" Alexei joins in the conversation, and suddenly the three of them are a confusing mess.

"Okay, that's enough, all of you!" the redhead orders.

"I didn't say anything" Yelena defends herself. You rub your face frustrated.

"The plan is as follows: you're going to tell us where the red room is" Natasha says, and Melina laughs.

"You know, it's like when you told them they'd see Santa if they stayed up late" the woman says, and the man starts talking excitedly "you can't defeat a man who controls others"

She says that, and then looks directly at you before grabbing her tablet.
You can't help but laugh when she calls Alexei a pig.
"Stop breathing" Melina says, and the pig stops. And then there's nothing funny in the air anymore. Melina is speaking, and the only thing you can notice is how Yelena is looking at Natasha.

"Melina" you call out, and the woman stops her proud explanation "shut up" you speak firmly, making everyone look at you, because again, you've always been mommy's little girl.

"Well, I just wanted to explain so you could see how cool it can be..." the woman says.

"Okay, we get it, now enough!" Natasha also chimes in.

"Okay, okay..." Melina finally lets Alexei The Pig resume breathing. For a moment, all of you are silent.

"Do you know who they tested on?" it's the first time Yelena speaks so far.

"No, that's not my department" and then she and Alexei start praising each other, genuinely proud of who they are and what they've done, as if you three weren't there, so broken, in front of them.

"Shut up!" Natasha orders "you're an idiot" she says to the man who wilts like a wounded puppy, "and you're a coward" Melina seems equally affected. “And our family was never real, so we have nothing to cling to" she says, and all you can notice is Yelena, how she seems increasingly shattered. Melina and Alexei start trying to defend themselves as good parents, and it only irritates the Avenger more.

"What?" Yelena asks, low and restrained.

"It wasn't real! Who cares?!"

"Don't say that! Please, don't say that. It was real, it was real to me, you were my family! You were my mother" she points to Melina, close to tears "the closest thing I ever had of one" she's trying her best not to cry, your little girl. "The best part of my life was fake, and nobody told me!" the four of you fall into a guilty silence as the youngest one finally explodes. "Those chemically subjugated agents all over the globe? You were talking about me!" for the first time Melina looks genuinely uncomfortable. "And you two? You left. You left me there. Is there anything you want to say?"

Natasha tries to mumble something, but you remain silent. There's nothing to say, no apology is enough.

"I understand... it must not be easy for any of you to comprehend..." Melina dares to say, earning a bitter laugh from you.

"To comprehend? You're such hypocrites!" you speak in contained anger, Melina looking at you offended.

"It's alright, she's just upset because her toy family is over" Alexei butts in, and you stand up from the table, full of rage.

"Well, by now we thought you'd have gotten over it, Y/N" Melina says, so casually, it hurts you so much, and it makes you so angry.

"Do you know how many fake families I've had? Three! Not counting you guys" Alexei says, agreeing with the woman. You start pacing around the room, increasingly nervous. Yelena and Natasha can feel it, they can see what's coming, and that's why they remain quiet.

"Get over it, Y/N, it's best for you" Melina says.

"Get over it?" you speak with a voice choked by the tears that threaten to come. "I had a family, I had a... son" it's getting harder and harder to speak.

"Oh, yes, those are the most complicated parts, I always told them you couldn't handle it"

"Were you behind this?" you ask Melina, feeling more and more betrayed.

"I'm on the outs, but I always know everything that happens in the Red Room. Believe it or not, that was the best option"

"You should take this as a lesson, it's what I always do" Alexei comments again "everything is a lesson in the end, you finding out the truth, you falling from that plane..."

"Falling?" every line of your face was etched with anger, your jaw clenched so tightly that the muscles stood out like steel cables. “Why don't you tell the truth? Tell them what happened that night..." your tone is laced with poison, the man denies as if pleading "tell them I didn't fall. Tell them you pushed me from that plane"

"Push!" Alexei shouts with effort as all the other women are already in the plane, you push, even though it wasn't helping much, the plane starts up and begins to move on its own. You run to catch up, feeling a hand grabbing your shirt, and Alexei throws you onto the wing of the plane as he jumps too.

"Hold on!" the man shouts as they get higher and higher, you are terrified, risking your life to hold on tight to the plane.
You can't go far, there's too much weight on the plane, everyone knows it.
Natasha is holding onto Yelena tightly, looking around to see if she can spot you, Melina is giving her all to control the plane. They know it won't work, you know it won't work, and Alexei knows. And things don't get any better when whoever is chasing you starts shooting.

"It's too heavy!" Alexei shouts over the noise of the propellers and his beating heart, you look at him with your eyes squeezed by the wind and fear as bullets deflect from his small body. "I'm sorry, kid!" he asks, you don't really know what the request is for, if it's because of the situation they find themselves in, if it's because of the false mission or if it's because he colludes with the institution that stole all your life.

You don't understand, until Alexei is pushing you out.

Now, around that table, the man shakes his head with the truth revealed, Yelena and Natasha, even Melina are in shock.

"You don't understand..." the man says in denial "I did it for you, I did it for us! I did it so that you would have a chance to escape, so that you could get help, and destroy the red room"

"I was thirteen!" you finally shout, loud and strong, even the huge man in front of you seems frightened by the red rage in your eyes. "I was completely broken, my legs, arms... my spine was shattered... I spent eleven years on a bed, unable to move... eleven years! Alone! Locked in a room on top of a bed!” Natasha and Yelena can't bear to hear this anymore, aheavy silence enveloped the room.

"Stop, stop talking..." the man begs, unable to bear it any longer.

"They abused me, tortured me, made me a lab rat. I bit my own tongue once, to choke on the blood, and then when they saw they had nothing else to do with me, they injected me with the super serum, they gave me prosthetics". You remember the first time you stood up after so many years, you didn't even remember what it felt like “that's where you come in" you point at Melina, she looks so dark now "you invented this new method to control minds, a perfect method, a method made especially for me. But it didn't work, didn't it, mom? Nothing could stop me anymore..." speaking loudly, you began to realize "then I escaped... but I didn't escape alone, didn't I? They let me leave, gave me this false sense of freedom, and so you could continue controlling me even indirectly. I'm so stupid!".

Everyone looks sick and affected now, they can't look at you. “Answer me!” you shout, making the woman flinch, you needed to hear it coming out of her mouth.

"Y/N, don't talk to your mother like that!" Alexei says harshly, but he soon wilts at the look he receives.

"How dare you talk to me like that?" you ask coldly, your chest is puffed out, your chin is lifted, and you have a sovereignty in your eyes that Natasha has never seen. Beside him, Melina begins to repeat words in Russian.

"What are you doing?" Yelena asks, her eyes wide and her heart racing. Full of fear.

"Trying to save our lives" she says, and continues to repeat words that don't seem to make sense.

"Shut up!” you turn to the woman and order, strongly and clearly. You knew what she was doing, which only makes you angrier.

"Y/N, you need to calm down" Natasha is the one who tries this time, she knows you'll never hurt her, standing up to meet you.

"Or what? What are you guys going to do? Because I'm so unpredictable, right?!" your face turned red with frustration as you raised your voice, your words sharp and cutting. Natasha doesn't move away as you approach, she doesn't need to, she's not afraid of you. This isn't you. “You think you can control me?! That you can stop me? I'm the fucking Winter Soldier, no one can stop me!"

"Y/N!" all your outburst is cut off, you look to the side and Yelena is there, as alert as the others "respira". She puts her hand on her chest, massaging the area.

You do the same, forcing yourself to breathe, the room echoing with tension as your words hang heavy in the air, laden with regret.
Your anger subsides, leaving behind a hollow feeling of remorse as you realize the damage your actions had caused.
You blink, coming back to reality, dispelling the red haze surrounding you.
You look at the others, they're all looking at you, and you feel so ashamed.

"I'm sorry..." you apologize softly, filled with remorse "I'm so sorry" you look at Natasha, she nods, there's nothing to apologize for, but it doesn't stop you from feeling like the monster they made you out to be.

"I think it's best if we all get some rest" Melina says "we'll start with the plan later"

And that's what you do, you all stay there for the night, all so broken.
After a well-deserved hot shower and a real meal, you pass by the room and Alexei is singing with Yelena. It's conflicting to know that despite everything he's done, he still manages to be a decent father figure to the younger one, and when he spots you as he exits the room, he receives a respectful nod from you.
You step into the room, and Yelena sitting on the floor, makes room for you.

"He just told me about the time he peed on his own hands" the blonde recounts, unsurprised, you make a disgusted and sympathetic expression for her.

You both sit in silence, just resting a bit after everything you've been through.

"I'm sorry" you can't help but say "I never meant to scare you" and Yelena smiles, not a cruel smile.

"Do you remember that time I was too scared to go down the slide at the public pool alone? And you kept going down with me over and over because I didn't want to stop? You never complained... or when you helped me not be afraid to pull out my first loose tooth? Not be afraid of the Scooby-Doo villains because they weren't real... you would never scare me, Y/N, because you're the one who always took the fear away from me. Because you're my big sister. I'm sorry for what they did to you"

That's the blow that hurts the most, the knockout punch, do your worst, have the worst thoughts, and yet, Yelena will still be by your side.
It breaks you, everything you've tried to hold together until now. You break, you cry without realizing it, when you see Yelena pulling you to rest your head on her lap, like you did many times with her when you were kids, the role reversal is excruciatingly captivating.
You're tired of crying, but it's all you can do now. It's all you need. It's already a first step for your soul to mend.

You remember the first time they put the prosthesis on you, how it gripped your spine, it was the first sensation you felt after so many years, it caught you off guard, you didn't even remember what it was like to feel anything.
When they stood you up, you stood there stagnant like a child learning to walk, all your atrophied bones and muscles loosened, and it hurt so much.
It was the first thing you said, through your dry and useless throat: "Hurts"
Pain was good, pain meant it worked, so they didn't even give you enough time to rediscover yourself, dragging you to a chair, you still weren't good enough for them.
Then they stuck dozens of needles in your arms, restrained you, and injected a liquid into you. It was like lava, directly into your veins, and when it was over you were not only stronger and more agile, but any remaining spark of life in your eyes had vanished, you were dark and devoid of humanity.
You were no longer Y/N, at that moment you became...

"The Winter Soldier" Melina opens the documents in front of Natasha who promptly analyzes them, it was you, but it didn't look like you "Y/N became Dreykov's most valuable weapon after receiving the serum, she was bloodthirsty and without compassion, she was unbeatable" the woman recounts with sorrow.

"Was she being influenced? How?" the redhead asks, flipping through the files.

"The created pheromone was never able to control her, the tortures no longer affected her, there was no longer a psyche they could manipulate. I think she just lost hope. They only had one way to hold her: you and Yelena" Melina admits hesitantly, Natasha looks quickly to her "you and Yelena were Dreykov's only guarantee that Y/N would always obey him, she would never risk anything happening to you"

"What changed?" the redhead asks anxiously for answers.

"You became an Avenger, and Dreykov felt threatened, so he sent his most valuable weapon after you. He thought by then he had enough control over Y/N, but obviously he didn't. It took an entire army to stop her. That's when Dreykov realized he no longer had control over her. He couldn't control her, nor could he detain her. So one day the plan came up: pretend that the truck transporting her had an accident, that all the guards died..."

"How did they fake their deaths?"

"Oh, we didn't fake it, we actually blew up that car" the woman says nonchalantly "what matters is that Y/N escaped, at least that's what she thought, Agent 036 found her and took her home"

"036? Owen?"

"Yes, that's the name..." Melina says with a proud smile.

"This is awful! All of this is awful!" Natasha is so frustrated, so angry and hurt by what they did to you "so that's how it was? You just watched her like some damn Truman Show? How can you be proud of that?!". Melina stands firm in the face of the younger one's fury.

"It was the best option we had, believe it or not" the woman retorts "it was the best we could do for her, and everything would have been fine if..." Melina stops, starting to gather the files.

"Nothing was ever fine" Natasha speaks grimly. The two women return to their tasks, organizing the plan, in the vengeful mind of the Avenger everything that passed was still you, with your uniform, your weapons, and your deadly gaze.

In the room, your crying had already subsided, and now you talked about anything and everything with your little sister, trying to alleviate the embarrassment that settled in after your breakdown.

"Come on! No one can handle the puppy love looks between you and Natasha anymore" the blonde teases.

"There are no puppy love looks!" you defend yourself, not sounding convincing to the younger one, and you desperately needed to change the subject. “And what about you? Didn't you meet anyone special during all this time outside the red room?" you ask, barely noticing how quickly the younger one became nervous.

"All I care about right now is taking down the red room and Dreykov, I don't have time for that..." she tries not to pay much attention, but you insist.

"Life can't just be that, Lena, it's time to enjoy a bit... there are so many people out there, so many loves to be found!" you speak excitedly.

"Yeah, and look how it ended up for you" the blonde quickly retorts defensively, it stings your heart and she immediately seems regretful "I'm sorry”

"It's okay, I didn't mean to pressure you" you say, and the atmosphere is awkward again. Yelena squeezes her eyes shut tightly with regret and for everything she hides.

"I just... it's not your fault... there's something wrong with me" the last part comes out quietly, leaving you intrigued. "I think the red room broke something... inside me"

"What do you mean?" you ask cautiously and lovingly, not wanting to scare her in this vulnerable moment.

"There's something wrong..." she breathes out a shaky and long breath "in my head, in my heart..." you swallow your confusion, waiting for her to elaborate. "I just... I don't feel anything, nothing like I should"

You don’t want to assume anything yet, but you can’t help but have a sneaking suspicion of where this conversation is going. Your face softens as you notice the girl’s frustration, and you bite your lip, hesitating for a moment before speaking again.

“It’s okay if you can’t explain. But I have a feeling I know what you mean… Lena, have you ever heard of sexuality spectrums?” Yelena looks at you confused, as if the next things you’re going to say are going to change her life. “Asexuality. It’s when a person experiences little to no sexual attraction to others. It doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love or intimacy, but attraction is just… less present in their lives” Yelena’s eyebrows furrow as she processes your explanation.

“But… maybe if I met the right person…” she tries. You nod, understanding what she means.

“That’s completely valid, too. Maybe you’re demisexual, or even gray asexual, which means you only experience sexual attraction under certain circumstances or with the right person”. You paused for a moment, your eyes glued to hers “It’s a spectrum… and everyone falls somewhere on it”

“So… is there a name for it?” You nodded, your expression soft.

“Yes, it has a name, and it has a whole community. I’m sorry you haven’t had the time to learn these things about yourself, but I promise you, once this is all over, we’ll figure it out together”

Yelena is once again looking at you with those bright eyes and downturned mouth, your newest encouraging speech brings some relief and hope to the younger one's heart.

"You're really good at this, aren't you? I swear at any moment you're going to start singing" she laughs with some tears on her face, you pull her into an embrace and kiss her temple, wishing things were different, that Yelena had had time to grow and discover herself with the support she should have had.

"Y/N? Lena? Melina's calling, it's time to start" Natasha appears at the door, seeing you two hugging on the floor, you don't think twice about reaching out to her, but she declines.
"No, not again..." Romanoff dismisses, but you grab her hand, pulling her towards you, and so Natasha ends up snuggling with both of you too.

"I love you girls" you say, not expecting reciprocity, not expecting a response, just because it felt really good to say.

You walk to the living room, where Melina awaited focused.
Natasha and Yelena sit on the couch, but before you can too, the woman is calling you.
"I want to give you something" she approaches with a large suitcase in her hands, you look at the girls searching for any hesitation, when it doesn't come you join the woman in the middle of the room "it's not the same model they gave you, but it has the same functionality"
She opens the suitcase, and inside there's a prosthesis, the arm appears to be made of metal, as if reading your thoughts the woman responds:

"It's made of vibranium, more resistant than what you used to have" Melina explains, you pause for a second before reaching for her arm, hesitant after her earlier outburst "take it..." the woman encourages, and you do.

"How do I..." you immediately try to fit it onto your arm, but the prosthesis doesn't latch.

"Here... let me..." Melina approaches you, hurt when you pull away "I won't hurt you"

She installs a support on your arm, it's painless and quick, things happen when you apply the prosthesis.
A wave of empowerment runs through your body, filling you with energy. With each flex of your mechanical fingers, you feel a new sense of completeness, as if the missing piece of yourself had finally been restored. The weight of the metal appendage is a reminder of your strength and resilience, and as it moves, you experience a sense of control and power over your surroundings.

"And? How do you feel?" Melina asks, eager to see you at your peak, as you once were. You spin the metal arm, fitting it entirely, you inspect it, and then slowly look at the woman with the same fire in your eyes she used to see.

"Complete "

The plan was set, everyone pretended they were betrayed by Melina and would thus enter the red room. But some things were still missing.
"You can't attack Dreykov, his pheromone doesn't allow widows to harm him. So you need to disrupt the pheromone's effect" Melina traces Natasha's nose, as she would be in charge of taking down Dreykov while you would go after what you now know is called the "Taskmaster" and the rest would free the widows.

"That's why the pheromone doesn't work on me! When I fell from the plane, my face was also all broken!" you conclude, causing an agonized expression on everyone's faces.

"Yeah, Y/N, I wouldn't use those words... but that's it" Melina confirms.

"Leave Dreykov to me" you approach Natasha. Face to face. "I'm immune, you don't need to hurt yourself. I can handle this alone"

"I know you can" Natasha holds your cheek, making you stop speaking paralyzed, a good paralyzed "everyone here knows, but you don't have to. You don't have to do everything alone, not this time" Natasha continues holding your cheek, and you stay so close.

"Are you sure they're still not together?" Alexei whispers to Yelena, who confirms disappointed. The man returns indignantly to his place while Melina maintains that loving smile.

"Well, there's still one thing that doesn't fit..." you continue after Natasha releases you "how will Dreykov believe that you captured me?"

"It's simple" the matriarch says "we'll use what he's always known works against you: your heart. We'll pretend you surrendered"

"I doubt he'll believe it."

"I doubt he won't, don't you see, Y/N? Anyone else in your place would have given up by now, you lost your family... twice, and now you've been betrayed again, he wouldn't question that you finally gave up... he doesn't know you" Melina speaks face to face with you, and all of you hope she's right.

You stay in the room, organizing the final details of the plan, chatting with Alexei, never noticing Natasha, who seemed unable to take her eyes off you.

"You're so into her" Yelena blurts out, catching the older sister off guard.

"I'm not..." Natasha tries to preserve her dignity, averting her gaze.

"Oh, you totally are... it's the arm, isn't it?"

"Shut up."

"It totally is! I mean, it's kind of hot..." the blonde teases, pleased with the blush creeping up the redhead's cheeks.

"Oh my God, shut up!" Natasha storms out of the room, leaving a giggling Yelena behind.

You all sit in the room, waiting for the right moment, and inevitably, memories of the past come flooding back, it was good, everyone was laughing and having fun, forgetting the reason they were there.
You, Natasha, and Yelena could have done without Alexei and Melina flirting, or without the man recounting the time he beat Captain America in a fight.
At one point, you remembered the song Yelena used to sing as a child, it was impossible to forget, she used to ask Melina to play that tape all day long, and even though she had hidden it for a long time for her own sanity, the woman still had it. And that's how the room filled with music.

You walk into the kitchen where Natasha was checking her weapons, still refusing to carry one, which doesn't please her.
"I still think it's a shame you have to hurt your pretty little nose for the greater good" you say, entering the room. Natasha smiles, setting everything aside to focus on you as she approaches. Getting close.

"It's not the first time I've had to break my pretty nose for a greater good, it'll be fine" she laughs, running her finger over her nose, you laugh too, swapping her finger for yours.
You're close again.
This ignored tension between you two grows, but you don't pull away, letting your hand cradle the widow's face.

"You told me it was only a few months" Natasha suddenly speaks, taking you by surprise.

"What?"

"You told me you had only been paralyzed for a few months" she says and you try to move away at the revelation of her lie, but Natasha holds you, keeping you right there.

"I didn't want you to worry" you force yourself to admit, and Natasha smiles tenderly.

"Y/N, I adore you, but you can be so stupid sometimes..." she says, but in a way it doesn't offend you. "I'll always worry about you..." and then you're silent again, with that thing in your eyes that only you know.

Natasha has changed, she's an Avenger and a complete woman now. But here, under your hand, she's still that little girl with blue hair and the weight of the world on her shoulders. She's still the girl you fell in love with when you were kids, she still gets embarrassed like one, laughing softly and looking away.
"Look at you, you're a mess..." she refers to your new black and disheveled uniform. Natasha straightens it for you, her hand sliding down to your arm, hesitating as she touches the cold metal.

"Is it weird?" you ask low, without taking your eyes off her.

"It's beautiful" she says quickly, looking back at you "you're beautiful"

The kitchen exudes warmth and familiarity, enveloped in a soft, dimly lit atmosphere that surrounds them like a comforting embrace. Gentle moonbeams filter through sheer curtains, casting a silver hue across the room and illuminating the space with a tranquil glow.

Soft music still plays in the background, its melody contributing to the serene ambiance of the kitchen. You two stand face to face, eyes locked in a silent exchange of longing and anticipation. As you draw closer, the air between you crackles with electricity, a palpable tension that seems to vibrate with the promise of what is to come.

"Girls..." Melina suddenly barges into the kitchen, causing you and Natasha to separate, the woman looks disconcerted to see she interrupted something, she nervously apologizes, eliciting a small smile from you and Natasha. "I just wanted to let you know that I've called the Red Room, they'll be here in a few minutes" she composes herself, quickly leaving the room.

"Thanks, Mae!" you thank the hurried woman, Natasha looks at you tenderly, she smiles and steps away.
But you don't let her go too far, you hold her, pull her back, and you kiss her.
It's the bravest thing you've ever done in your life, and your heart fills with love as Natasha reciprocates.
With a tender yet determined touch, you both hold each other's faces, fingers trembling slightly with emotion, with a grace that belied the inner chaos.
Time seems to stand still, the world around you becoming insignificant. In that fleeting moment of vulnerability, the weight of unspoken emotions hangs in the air, binding you in a fragile dance of intimacy and acceptance.
You sigh softly in surprise, the world fading away until there is nothing but the sensation of your lips moving together in perfect harmony.

And when you finally pull away, with your heart pounding in your chest, you share a knowing smile, your eyes shining with the realization that this is just the beginning of something beautiful and profound.
You both separate, breathless, with full smiles on your faces. It was everything you hoped for and more. It was everything.
You only snap back to reality when a bright light hits your bodies, a helicopter hovering over the house, and you know it will be full in a few minutes.

"It's time..." Natasha speaks softly, neither of you wanting to part. You look at her, trying to convey calm and confidence, even though you yourself fear the future.

"Let's destroy the Red Room"

Chapter Text

It was strange, to say the least. Natasha was Melina and Melina was Natasha, Alexei was passed out in the room, and Yelena pretended to sleep on the kitchen floor. You slowly walk to the center of the moonlit room and kneel down. A second later, the room is filled with dozens of soldiers pointing guns at you and shouting. You do nothing, just stand there staring at the ground, then a gun is pointed right at the middle of your head.

“I should end you right now” you recognize this man, this old white man pointing a gun at you. He's Dreykov's army general; you used to work for him.

“Shoot” you calmly say, not breaking eye contact with his cruel blue eyes. "I have nothing left, nothing I care about" you say it because you don't want him to shoot, and because you know if you say that, he'll never shoot; he'll never show mercy. You let them handcuff you, you know it won't stop you, they know it too, but still you let them, anything to give them a false sense of security.

And then they attack you with stun batons, they can't knock you out, but they're certainly not painless, making you wriggle on the carpet as they strike you. Your grunts echo through the house where Alexei, Yelena, Natasha-Melina, and Melina-Natasha are escorted out. It's much easier for them to carry you when you're limp and exhausted in their arms.

The ship takes off and it doesn't stop for a while, you remain lying on the metal floor, almost unable to move because of your frayed nerves and battered muscles.

Then the ship keeps rising, and rising and rising, you catch a glimpse of Melina-Natasha looking at you.

A hideout above the clouds, who would've thought? When you arrive, each of you is taken to a place, your heart clenches not knowing where they'll take Yelena, then they take you to the lab.

To the room where you spent eleven years, your worst nightmare. You collapse on the floor when thrown, immediately getting up as if the walls themselves could harm you. Everything is still in the same place, that bed with the mattress marked by your body, the clock that drove you crazy for years, they're the only things there, the only things that kept you company for a long time. You close your eyes, trying not to panic.

There was a strange kind of determination. Your strength had a name, and it was Natasha; you knew she would appear, that she would rescue you. But what if she didn't appear? What if she left you here? What if you were trapped again?

A sequence of irrational thoughts takes hold of you; you squeeze your eyes shut, starting to repeat to yourself what had long been your mantra.

“My name is Y/N, the Winter Soldier doesn't exist. My name is Y/N, the Winter Soldier doesn't exist….” Your panic doesn't improve when the room starts to fill with gas, that's it, the plan needs to be canceled, you need to get out of there. You start banging on the iron door, pounding it hard, but all you do is scratch it.

You start screaming so that anyone outside can hear you, you run around the closed room, there's no way out. In a fit of rage, you throw the bed against the wall, you squeeze your eyes shut and cover your ears, trying to focus on your thoughts.

“My name is Y/N, the Winter Soldier doesn't exist...” you murmur softly, but soon you can't hear yourself because loud sound of propellers fill the room, and when you open your eyes, you're in that warehouse again. Alexei is yelling at you; he's young and clean-shaven, you're so confused, starting to move just to go with the flow, mechanically. And there it is, the plane, you start pushing, and in your field of vision, your hands are so small and fragile. You blink again, and you're inside the plane that Melina tries to control and gives you orders, Yelena is scared and hugs you, but you look around and don't see Natasha.

You look outside and she is there, pushing the plane, it fills you with fear because you know what happens, you know how it ends. You try to move but you can't, so you start screaming, for Natasha to stop, for everyone to stop, she's not safe. The plane starts to take off and Alexei throws Natasha over the wing, you watch everything without being able to do anything, you keep screaming but no one hears you. Horrified, you watch Natasha, little Natasha with ocean hair and eyes, fall. You scream at the last look she gave you before being thrown into the darkness. You blink again and you're no longer on that plane.

You're in a room full of bodies, and you know you killed each one of them, you remember every face. The gun weighs in your hand, your metal arm burns, and the mask you used to wear suffocates you. Your mind is restless, you look around for an exit, but there's nothing, just bodies and darkness. The floor starts to flood, you start walking back and forth as if the liquid would stop staining your boots, it's red and smells like iron, you know it very well.

You start running through the bodies like in a minefield, but the blood keeps chasing you, and you run as if you still had hope of escaping it. Your steps become too heavy, they knock you down, you fall onto the blood, it fills your body, and a shrill sound comes out of your throat when the body in front of you is Natasha's. You try to get up, crawling away from the sight that disturbs you so much, her lifeless red hair and you feeling like you did that to her.

Things don't get better when you move, next to Natasha is Yelena, equally dead, and then there's Melina and there's Alexei. Everyone you love dead around you, and Nikolai is there too, another scream comes out of you, for the sight, for the pain, for not knowing what's real anymore.

Your scream is filled by the blood invading your mouth as your whole body is covered, you drown in it, in this thick liquid that fills your ears and makes it harder and harder to move until you can't. You don't move, you're tied to a stretcher being taken to the graduation in the red room, you're lying on that bed again. You don't try to move anymore; exhausted, you accept your fate.

A strong light hits your face, and when you open your eyes, you're in a closed container, but you're not alone, a group of children is with you, of all ages and ethnicities, the only thing you have in common is the overwhelming expression of fear.

The container door is opened, and a group of men appear, they smile and send shivers down your spine, the general shows up, and his smile is sharp as he approaches you with outstretched arms. You feel the man's icy hands on your cheeks, struggling to escape his touch, you retreat to the bed but he continues to touch you and you can't do anything.

"Y/N! Y/N!" is in the back of your mind, insisting until you wake up, and then Melina appears in your field of vision.

"Y/N wake up!" Melina shakes you, you're tied to a chair, your eyes are open but both the woman and Yelena know you don't see them. Your pupils are dilated, and your body trembles feverishly.

"Y/N you need to wake up! They're messing with your mind, it's not real!" the woman keeps trying while Yelena watches "they can't control you anymore, remember? You're not their soldier anymore, you're... Y/N! Your name is Y/N, your favorite color is gray but you find it too morbid so you tell everyone it's yellow. You never set the alarm because you have a great biological clock, you can't stop until you figure out the song that got stuck in your head. Your favorite food is warm broccoli, which is no one's favorite food but yours. You're the best person I've ever met, the kindest and most gentle, you never get resentful, you're patient and funny but never in a cruel way..."

And it's helping, you cling to her words, you use them to return to reality. You remember who you are. Your vision clears, and Melina is still there, you so badly want it to be real. You look at the woman for a moment as you try to control your rapid breathing and trembling body.

"Nat?" you ask, because even with a different face, you would always recognize her. No one else looks at you like that.

"There you are..." she says softly without breaking eye contact.

"Are you two going to kiss now?" Yelena's question breaks your connection, and you both sigh. "I'm just saying, it would be weird... with Melina's face and all"

The two women release you, helping your weak body to stand up.

"What happened?" you ask, facing your headache.

"They separated us, I need to go back now. Dreykov wants to talk to me, well, to Melina" Natasha explains as you leave the lab, noticing the unconscious bodies on the floor, the fallen general churns your stomach with memories.

"They did the same to me" Yelena says for you to hear.

"Okay, I'll go to Dreykov's room, you and Yelena start freeing the widows..." Natasha speaks, but she's interrupted by the figure at the end of the hallway. Power Ranger number one is back.

"I think I'll stay here..." you say to them, already hinting for them to continue, which Yelena does reluctantly.

The masked figure remains there, still, waiting for you to take the first step, to strike first, but you won't do that.

"I'm sorry about your friend..." you confess first, needing to confess, your hands are surrendered as you slowly approach the masked figure "or if I can call her your friend... maybe you didn't even know each other, I know how it is... and I know you want to fight now, that's what we were made for. I kill your companion, you bomb my house with my son inside, we have reasons to want to kill each other, but I wouldn't be happy about it, and neither would you, Dreykov would, but I'm tired of being his pawn. We don't need to do this, we can choose not to fight"

You finish your speech, hoping to have touched the other soldier even a little.

You realize you haven't as he shows his claws to you, literally his claws.

You sigh once more, getting into your fighting stance: "let's do this"

He comes at you with everything he's got, full of hatred and violence, and you do what you can to defend yourself.

Your fight is very evenly matched; you both received the same training, two super soldiers in combat, but still, so different.

Your fight starts to become lighter, fluid, fast, and acrobatic. You start with a quick and engaging ginga, using capoeira's agility.

Meanwhile, the other super soldier takes a more direct and calculated approach. He uses his superhuman strength, seeking to break your defense.

Its an exhausting fight that, as much as it hurts you, you can't afford to lose.

You start retaliating with the same brutality, catching him off guard, the masked figure starts to retreat as he's hit, you feel like you have a chance to win.

But in a second, everything changes.

In a second, he's in your hands, and in the next moment, he's on your back, climbing onto you. You struggle, trying to pry him away.

You feel his hand on the top of your spine, you feel a click, and then you feel nothing anymore. You collapse like a puppet whose strings have been cut, limp and lifeless, your cheek against the ground, and your breathing rapidly accelerates.

You see him, he looks at you with an almost satisfaction, he's going to kill you, he can, it's so simple and easy now. But again: they never show mercy.

He leaves you, lying in the middle of the empty hallway.

You're left behind, trying to understand how this happened, how he did this. You feel a familiar sense of panic growing, you struggle to control your accelerated breathing and the heart pounding uncontrollably in your chest.

You desperately try to scream for help, but your vocal cords seem frozen by fear, emitting only muffled groans.

You try to focus, as you did on Natasha's hand, but nothing happens this time, you won't escape this time.

With a tremendous effort, you gather all the remaining courage, and with a strangled cry, you break the suffocating silence around you. Your voice tears through the air, filled with anguish and urgency, echoing through the chaos of battle like a desperate cry for help.

As the sound of your desperate cry fades into the air, you feel a pang of hopelessness ignite within you. You know you're alone, and all that's left for you is to cry against the ground.

"Y/N?" a voice emerges, like a single spark in the darkness.

"Mae? Mae!" you begin to cry, tearful and desperate as the footsteps approach.

"I'm here, darling, it's me" the woman says, holding you.

"Mom! Help me, please! Help me, Mom!" you cry out, pleadingly.

"It's okay..." you feel her hand on the top of your spine, you feel the click, and you feel every part of your body again. Melina holds you as you quickly get up, as if you want to physically flee from the paralysis. Melina holds your thrashing body, she pulls you close so you can cry on her chest like a child. "It's okay... you're okay, mommy's here" she holds you tight, so you can feel it.

"We were fighting... and suddenly, it's like he just... shut me down" you weakly recount, pulling away slightly from the woman who seems to understand.

"I didn't think they would actually do it..." Melina says, more to herself than to you.

"Do what?" you ask, no longer harboring feelings of betrayal in your chest, just curiosity.

"You know they never let me get close to you, they knew I would never consent... to anything they did to you..." for the first time, you see Melina truly somber "they engineered your prosthetics very carefully, especially the one in your spine... they installed a valve in it, an emergency valve"

"An emergency valve?"

"In case you went out of control, they could just press that valve..." she gestures to the top of your spine "and the prosthesis would release, cutting off all your support... like shutting down a robot... I'm so sorry"

"That doesn't make sense..." you analyze after a few seconds digesting what you heard "why didn't they do it before?"

"No one ever succeeded before, no one ever came this close"

"Owen..." you recall the name with sorrow and even a bit of shame "had plenty of opportunities"

"I think everyone underestimated the agent's feelings for you"

"Are you saying he ever loved me?" you ask bitterly.

"I'm saying he had empathy” the woman speaks, the two of you sitting in the middle of the white corridor, just breathing for a moment. Melina sighs at seeing you so defeated. "I know you're tired, and darling, I wish I could say you can rest... but we need you" you look at her with your watery eyes. "We need you. We can't do this without you. But maybe... it's not Y/N that we need right now, and I know you don't want to hear this... but maybe now, just now..." she speaks with hesitation, puffing out her chest to stay firm "we need the Winter Soldier"

Melina watches as your gaze transitions from a frightened, enlightened expression to a dark aura. The gentle light that once radiated from your gaze gives way to a deadly intensity, emanating a commanding and dominating presence.
Summoning the soldier.
You both rush outside, the whole place is collapsing, and there are Yelena, Natasha, and Alexei.

"Are you okay?" you ask, seeing Natasha injured.

"The punches I landed on Dreykov made it worth it" she replies, looking around "we freed the widows, but Dreykov escaped. It's his daughter, Y/N, the taskmaster is his daughter" she recounts, sending a shiver down from the tip of your toe to your hair.

"At least now we know who we're dealing with. I'll go after her" you begin to move away when Natasha calls out to you.

"Y/N! Remember, she's not the enemy" you nod, ready to continue, but the sound of helicopter blades distracts you, several helicopters begin to take off, with Dreykov in one of them.

Neither you nor Natasha are fast enough, it's Yelena who does it all. She climbs onto one of the helicopters, stopping both her and the redhead's hearts quickly.
You shout for her to stop, but she's your sister, and of course she doesn't listen to you.
"That was fun!" the blonde shouts over the noise, and then she jams the baton into the rotor, causing an explosion.
The blast throws her away, Natasha is closer, so you watch as she grabs a parachute and jumps after the younger one.
Melina and Alexei rush to help the widows, and you run to the edge, watching Yelena and Natasha descend safely. You don't have much time to feel relieved when the taskmaster appears, leaping toward them.
And you don't need to think twice before pulling your own mask and jumping.
Yelena gradually wakes up, and Natasha is there with her.

"That was fun, wasn't it?" the blonde asks, trying to regain her humor.

"Never do something like that again!" Natasha retorts, worried. Over Yelena's shoulder, she sees the taskmaster approaching, preparing to release her sister and accept her battle. But before he can reach them, you hit her right in the middle, diverting her from the sisters.
The impact is violent and brutal, certainly deadly for anyone besides you who wasn't prepared.
You throw her against the falling debris, also sliding past them while your metal hand sparks as you use it for support.

The violent wind whips at your uniforms and hair as the landscape rapidly slides below you.
The fight takes on a new dimension of urgency and unpredictability, as now you're not only fighting each other but also against the relentless gravity.
Adrenaline rushes through your veins, you collide and separate, only to find yourselves again in the air.

Once again, she has a clear target, reaching her hands to grasp your neck, but this time you are prepared, preventing her from touching you.
Debris hits you both, in a fluid motion you reverse your positions, mounting on the back of the masked girl and pressing her against one of the falling beams until her armor begins to be destroyed.
She pushes you away, pulling out some sort of sword from her uniform, she advances towards you so she can hit you, but before she can, a rock hits her and disperses her, you look up to see Natasha stopping beside you.

"What are you doing here?!" you shout under your mask.

"We're in this together, remember? If you fall, I fall" she shouts back, and you are interrupted by the sword being driven right between you. You wrench it from the wall, knowing there's no arguing with the redhead.

"We better finish this soon then" you say, and you join forces against the coach.

With Black Widow by your side, the dynamics of the fight change drastically.
The cooperation between you is flawless. You communicate without words, anticipating each other's moves and acting in harmony.

In a crucial moment, taskmaster hits Natasha, throwing her away and jumping onto you, she again tries to reach for your throat and your spine until she realizes it's too late, and she tears herself away from you so she can open her parachute.
You quickly look for Natasha, seeing her falling blindly further ahead, you gain momentum and throw yourself towards her, grabbing her.
And together you keep falling, eye to eye.

"I wish we had more time" Natasha confesses, because both of you think it's the end.

"Me too" you return, pulling her to your chest as you twist your bodies so that you take the brunt of the debris you pass through, which consequently slows your speed, and when your backs finally hit the ground, you're sure one of you will get up.

There are four things you notice first when you wake up, there's a small crater around your body, everything hurts, your mask has been removed, and the tears on your face are not yours.
Your head tilts to the side, your vision is blurry but you recognize Natasha, you always do. She's still fighting, she always is.
Antonia Dreykov is without her mask, and you can see she's as tired as you, Natasha is giving her a hard time, and she doesn't notice when you approach, even though your steps are stumbling.
You hold Antonia in a chokehold, trapping her metal arm around the woman's neck, and Natasha is quick to shatter the vial against her.

Antonia automatically stops fighting, she never wanted to fight, and when she falls you still hold her close.
"Is it over? Is he gone?" Antonia asks in a raspy voice, as if she hasn't spoken in years, as if she hasn't said what she wanted to say in years.
Natasha confirms, kneeling in front of you both.
You look at each other with so many emotions being exchanged, exhaustion, relief, it's over.
The Red Room has fallen.
When the other widows arrive to take care of Antonia, you and Natasha run towards Yelena, the blonde coming towards you with the same urgency, jumping into Natasha's arms and and pulling you along.

"Forgive us, sister" Natasha asks muffledly.

“We should have come back for you” you add.

"You don't need to say that, it's okay" Yelena says pulling away.

"It was real for us too" Natasha says, and you know from the look they get from Yelena that it was everything she wanted. Sorry will never be enough to fix what you did, but that's all Yelena wanted to hear.

Yelena pulls you into another hug and you hold her tight. It's a hug filled with longing and relief.
It feels like freedom.
When Yelena hugs you, it's painful, but you would never refuse a hug from your little sister.

"Thank goodness no one got hurt" Natasha comments as she sees Alexei and Melina approaching.

"I'm clearly injured" the woman replies, limping.

You all pause for a moment to breathe, glad that everyone is okay, you look around and the realization hits you.
You don't feel like it's over. On the contrary, it's just beginning.
Suddenly someone throws themselves at you, Natasha catches you off guard, you've never seen her show so much in front of anyone, but she doesn't let go or even ease the hug.
"I thought I lost you again" she whispers against your neck, you hug her tighter, letting her know that you're not going anywhere.
It's a hug filled with emotion and relief, as if the weight of an unbearable burden had suddenly been lifted from your shoulders, it's warm and comforting, as if you're holding onto each other with all the strength you have, fearing that the other might disappear at any moment.
You pull away just enough to look into each other's eyes, lost in mutual love and gratitude.

"I don't want to interrupt the moment..." Alexei speaks, interrupting the moment "but can we talk, Y/N?" he asks, Yelena and Melina grunting in frustration.

You and Natasha release each other with affectionate embarrassment.
And you walk with the man while the three women gather around the widows needing a lot of guidance.

"I know it's not the right time but since we all survived, I need to apologize... for what I did to you, for what you went through... I know you'll never forgive me and I understand, I just needed you to know that I'm sorry, and that I haven't been able to live with myself since that day" the man speaks with sorrow.

You don't think you could do that now, have that conversation, don't think you could make any decisions at the moment.
But contrary to what you expected, everything happened very quickly within you.
What Alexei did to you was cruel, shameful, but you begin to realize that you are the one who has been holding on to this shame and cruelty when it should all be his. This shame, this cruelty, belongs to him, it is not yours to keep. Maybe someday you will be able to forgive him, but right now, just the thought of it makes you feel like you can forgive yourself.

"Never... is a long time" you say, looking out into the horizon, Alexei looks at you surprised and hopeful.

Forgiveness is not only a gift to the person who has erred but also to yourself, allowing you to move forward without the weight of the past.
It doesn't mean what happened was right, but rather that you choose not to let hatred and bitterness dominate your life.
Emotionally moved, Alexei moves in for a tight, paternal hug.

"Not yet" you say, without looking at him. The man quickly backs away, not wanting to ruin the little progress he's made.
You both watch the widows, Melina is skillfully guiding them, Yelena helps put Antonia on the rescue stretcher.
And Natasha looks at you, because she never wants to look away again.
She whistles, the same whistle you used in childhood when you wandered off in the woods or got lost in the crowd.
A whistle that says: "I will always come back to you"
You whistle back.

Several months have passed since the fall of the Red Room, you and your entire family have been working on the recovery and restoration of the widows in society.
Natasha and Yelena travel the world freeing new widows, while you stayed with Melina in the refuge they created, hundreds of girls, young girls, lost, not knowing where to start.
You taught them that, you were their mentor, and above all, their friend.
Many of those girls didn't even know their favorite color, whether they liked ketchup on their pizza or not, or which of the many careers they wanted to pursue in life. Many of them didn't know what love was. They didn't know they were capable of loving.
And you taught them that.
It wasn't an easy process, many were frightened, skittish, but with a lot of patience and love, you were getting there.

"Well done, Janice, you're doing a great job!" you congratulate as you pass by a girl painting in the garden.

"Susana! I saw you didn't miss your therapy session yesterday, that's great!"

Aisha
Sakura
Maya
Ingrid
Carmen
Chiara
Leila
Freya
Zara
Amara
Madison
Emily
Olivia
Ava
Sophia
Emma
Isabella
Mia
Harper
Charlotte

You call each one by name. Those who found out theirs, and those who chose.
Because they deserve it.

"Antonia" you approach the woman tending to a rose, she smiles upon seeing you "it's beautiful" you point to the flower, crouching down beside her seated on the grass. She continues to work on the flower, and you both sit in silent peace.

"Isn't it unfair, though?" she suddenly asks "him dying, he should have paid for what he did, should have been imprisoned like he imprisoned us all these years"

That catches you off guard, in some situations forgiveness should never come. She was right, Dreykov didn't deserve to die, his death was unfair, almost like a lazy and infuriating plotline.
An investigation was launched into the entire red room, but no matter how many people come out burned from all of this. Dreykov never paid.

"We just can't let him continue to control us even after death, you... have so much potential, Antonia, so much potential to love and be loved" you speak from the heart, yet it earns a laugh from the woman.

"Who's going to love me like that?" she asks, alluding to her scars and internal wounds that would never fully heal. Something you identify with deeply.

"The right person" you say quickly and assuredly, looking into the distance to see the guests arriving "whether it's a romantic love... or a family". You stand up, extending your hand to her, which she happily grabs, and together you walk towards where a grand party was taking place, celebrating the widows' return to their rescue mission.

"There she is" Yelena comments upon seeing you approaching, Natasha nervously sidesteps "are you two ever going to talk about the kiss?" the blonde asks impatiently, having heard for months the redhead's passionate declarations for you.

"It was just a moment of adrenaline, it won't happen again" Natasha dismisses as if she believes what she's saying, but to her dismay, Yelena doesn't buy it.

"What changed?"

"We thought we were going to die!"

"We're almost always dying, Natasha! That's our job!" the blonde retorts, leaving the Avenger speechless. "Well, I think you two should figure this out this weekend, I can't handle another trip with you talking about how the sunset reminds you of her eyes, or how her curls sway in the wind..." Yelena is interrupted in her lovesick declaration when Natasha pushes her upon seeing you approaching.

The blonde is the first to hug you, and you embrace her tightly after so many months apart, never getting used to being away from your girls.
Natasha follows suit, and you both stumble a bit before the hug, both nervous about the approach that makes Yelena roll her eyes and step away with Antonia.

"So, how has it been with the rescues?" you ask eagerly, Natasha also seeming unable to stand still.

"It never gets easy... but it's rewarding. You should come with us next time" she invites, and you quickly decline.

"Oh no, I retired a long time ago, I'm no longer field personnel, motivational speeches and therapeutic sessions are what I do now" you say excitedly.

"And I see that you're doing a great job" Natasha looks around, at the long tables they set up so all the girls could enjoy the party "but the invitation is always open. Yelena misses you" she concludes, making you raise an eyebrow.

"Just Yelena?" you ask, and Natasha smiles, that smile that's just for you. You walk to one of the tables where Alexei, Melina, and Yelena are sitting, chatting animatedly. The couple celebrates seeing you, and soon everyone is happily eating.
At one point during the party, everyone around you exchanges knowing glances, which leaves you suspicious and confused.

"What's going on?" you ask bewildered, Melina smiles at you, a toothy grin.

"We wanted it to be a surprise..." she says happily, leaving you even more lost "we found him a few days ago and asked him to come straight here” she says, but you're slow to understand, following her gaze, you swear your heart stops. There, a few meters away from you, was Nikolai, there was your beautiful boy.

"Nick..." you whisper to yourself as if you couldn't believe your eyes, slowly rising from the table, you call again. "Nick!" you shout, already going towards him, and he finally sees you too.

"Mom!" Nikolai starts running towards you, equally excited. He jumps into your arms, and you pray this isn't a dream. "I'm sorry! I wanted to tell you!" he begs tearfully.

"Shh, shh, shh... there's no need for that, my love. Mama is not upset with you, I promise..." you say, wiping his tears away while you can't contain yours. "Are you okay?" you ask, anxious to bring your boy home.

"They found my real family” he says somewhat hesitantly, but feels calm seeing the contentment in your eyes. "I have a mom, and dad, and two brothers..." he tells, earning a happy and tearful laugh from you.

"You have brothers?" you ask, full of love. Nothing in the world would make you as happy as seeing your boy safe, even if not with you.

"They're named Jonathan and Steven... and my name is Isaac..." he says softly, again waiting for your reaction, but all you can do is pull him into a tight hug.

"I'm so happy you're okay... my beautiful boy, Isaac" you sniffle as he hugs you just as tightly. After the excitement subsides, you separate, and a slight wave of embarrassment falls over you when you try to hide your metal arm from the boy, you didn't want him to see you as some sort of monster, but it's too late, he's looking at you wide-eyed.

"Is that a metal arm?! That's so cool!" he says with the excitement of a boy, you laugh, showing him your metal arm proudly . You take him by the hand, leading him to the table so he can meet his aunts and grandparents properly.

"And what about Owen?" you ask quietly to Melina, watching as Alexei encouraged Isaac to punch his stomach to demonstrate he felt no pain, until Yelena grew tired of his display and delivered her own punch.

"Nothing, we got nothing. Do you want us to keep looking?" she asks, and there, seeing your son and your younger sister punching your father, while the woman you're in love with watches disappointedly, you realize you already have everything you need.

"No, I'm okay" Melina agrees with your words, and she doesn't miss it when your gaze lingers too long on Natasha.

"And you two? How are you girls?"

"Just giving it time, I suppose..."

"More time than you've already had?!" she asks indignantly, drawing a laugh from you.

"It's just... not the right moment..." you say, and the woman raises her eyebrows as she begins to walk away.

"Don't miss your chance this time, Y/N... don't let her slip away" she says, joining the others.

You ponder her words.
And there you remain, silently observing, with a heart full of gratitude and a faint smile on your lips, as the sun slowly bids farewell to the horizon, painting the sky with shades of orange and red.
Your family and those you've saved are gathered, sharing laughter and hugs, celebrating the hard-won victory after the arduous battle.
A feeling of peace and fulfillment envelops you, knowing that your sacrifice and effort have paid off, and that now, finally, everyone can enjoy a well-deserved moment of tranquility.
You hear a whistle, Yelena calling you to join them.
A mixture of emotions fills your heart - gratitude, love, and a profound sense of belonging.
You walk towards them, leaving behind the shadows of the past, and move towards the light of those who surround you, knowing that there, you will find refuge and comfort.
The warm embrace of family envelops you, dissipating any trace of loneliness or doubt. Amidst the laughter and lively conversations, you find yourself at home, surrounded by the unwavering love of those who accept and value you for who you are.

You've found the missing piece.

Chapter Text

As the sun rose on the horizon, revealing the contours of a new morning, the first rays of light pierced through the narrow and winding streets of a small Thai village. The scent of spices filled the air as the residents woke up. Amidst the emerging morning silence, a little girl with dark hair and curious eyes found joy in small treasures forgotten by life.
With an innocent smile adorning her delicate face, she skipped among the narrow alleys, skillfully dodging life's obstacles. Her bare feet touched the rough ground lightly, while her agile hands picked up colorful stones and broken shells, turning them into imaginary treasures.
One by one, she pursued the stones, singing happily, until a man appeared, his appearance grim and unattractive. Still, he smiled and picked up a pebble from the ground, offering it to the little girl.
She seemed hesitant, ready to retreat down the alley, but the man then smiled, revealing his gold teeth, and she felt she should trust him. She reached out her hand. He took it. And the pebbles were left behind.
The little girl was thrown into a van with several other children, some of whom she even knew from school, but now none of them could be saved. The van began to accelerate, and through the rearview mirror, the little girl saw her mother, the woman screaming her name, but she had no answer, she would never have an answer again.

"And then I wake up" the woman sitting in the chair in front of everyone concludes "every night the same dream, and it always ends like this, it's a constant feeling that something is unfinished"

"Thank you for sharing that, Janice" you say amidst the group's silence, a discussion starting to emerge as you are caught in the solemnity of everything you've heard so far.

"Y/N?" a voice interrupts your thoughts, and looking up, you see another girl, with short hair and big eyes "do you have nightmares too?" they look at you anxiously, curious about your answer.

"All the time" you reply honestly, running your hand over the top of your metal spine, where Melina coated the access for the security "lock". Your confession somehow brings relief to them, even super soldiers have nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night crying and calling for their mother. The bell rings, signaling the end of another session. "You were great today, girls, thank you so much for participating, this way little by little we'll make progress”

You stand up and thank everyone as they begin to leave, collecting the chairs from the group therapy session until you feel someone beside you.

"You were great too today" Janice says as she appears with a tablet in hand.

"You were very brave to share that... can I ask a personal question?" Janice confirms your hesitant question "have you ever tried to find your mother?" the woman doesn't seem offended or bothered, but she seems sad.

"She died a few years ago, fever, some say it was from sadness for never having found me..." she tells, and you immediately regret your intrusion.

"I'm so sorry, really, I shouldn't..."

"No, it's okay... in the meantime, Melina and the reintegration team are doing a great job finding new homes for me. New York, Barcelona, even Thailand itself... the whole world in my hands, just choose" the refuge's team was getting bigger and bigger, with outsiders and the restored widows helping each other, as well as working for their own maintenance. Natasha made sure to help with her not-so-modest Avengers savings.

"Wow, the whole world in your hands? I'm jealous..." you joke with a smile, making Janice's smile grow even wider.

"You can come with me if you want" she approaches confidently, and her smile falters, you open your mouth several times but nothing comes out amidst your embarrassment. Which only makes Janice chuckle softly.

"Here..." she hands you that tablet "the reports you asked for, the widows who arrived, the widows who left, what each one has been doing..."

"There are over two hundred reports..." you analyze, impressed.

"I know how upset you get about not being able to participate in everything that happens around here, so I decided to do what you asked, just a little more comprehensive" she speaks modestly, as if it were nothing.

"Janice, this is amazing... you're brilliant" you look from the screen to the woman in front of you, truly amazed at how her eyes shine for you.

"So, are we having a party or not?" you hear from the door, and your smile fills with teeth when you see Yelena.

"Lena!" you rush to her, the blonde jumping excitedly into your embrace. You hold her tightly after a few weeks apart. "How are you? Where's Nat?"

"Oh, she went straight to Melina's, wants to know everything about the party" a gala party, you had been organizing for weeks to bring some entertainment to the widows. A small, irrational part of you is hurt that Natasha didn't come straight to you like Yelena did, you missed the redhead so much, and the blonde notices. "Come on, make something for your little sister to eat..." she says, wrapping her arm around your shoulders, which isn't easy because you're several inches taller.

Saying goodbye to Janice, you head to the kitchen with Yelena, preparing mac and cheese with hot sauce for her, just like in childhood.
You talk about life and work, talk about loves.

"You know that thing you told me about asexuality? I think that's it..." Yelena says, enjoying her mac and cheese.

"I'm glad you found yourself" you say calmly, in the last few months you have been accompanying each of these girls discovering themselves, and you were there to embrace every truth.

"You make it seem so easy... you know exactly who you are" Yelena says, and that earns a laugh from you.

"Sorry, it's just that... darling, it took me years just to be able to say the word lesbian. And even though I know what I am, and accept it from the bottom of my heart, I married Owen, because I thought it was what I should do, because it made me feel safe. Compulsory heterosexuality sucks, but more than that, I thought it was the only way to escape my past... even trained assassins can think they need a man to protect them. Everyone needs their own time to discover themselves and figure out what they can do for themselves. I'm sorry you haven't had enough time until now."

"I say you the same"

You and Yelena finish your mac and cheese, and start getting ready for the two activities of the night. Two, because not all the girls would enjoy a fancy party, so you would continue with your traditional movie night.
You get ready, putting on a refined tuxedo made of high-quality fabric. The shoulders are gently structured, providing a silhouette that balances perfectly between power and femininity.
You'll thank the seamstresses later.
Yelena waits for you in the hallway, she's wearing a suit too, much more elaborate and detailed than yours, you love her style and how she presents herself through it. You love seeing her expressing herself to the world. You loved seeing Yelena live.

"My dear, you look stunning" she says with a small bow.

"I could say the same about you, my lady" you return with another gentle bow, and arm in arm you head off to the party.

Everything is beautiful, perfectly arranged, you wouldn't expect anything less from your girls.
Melina is in the middle of the hall, looking a bit anxious about the organization.

"Oh, there you are..." she says relieved to see you and Yelena, equally dressed in her green dress. "I've been walking back and forth between the cinema room and here like crazy..." she begins to speak anxiously.

"Mom" you call, stopping the woman's rambling "relax a bit, everything looks beautiful... it's going to be a great night”

You reassure her, taking her hands, all the girls were having fun and dancing.
You walk over to the appetizer table, ready to try each of those elaborate dishes.

"You look elegant" you don't think you look elegant as you turn around with your mouth full of mini crostinis to see Janice by your side.

"You look lovely too!" you say somewhat choked, making the woman laugh "sorry..."

"It's okay, I see you discovered the mini crostinis, I made them"

"You made these?! They're delicious" you say with shining eyes, drawing even more smiles from the woman.

"They sure are, but these here are even better..." Janice picks up an appetizer that you can't quite tell what it is, and when you reach out to take it, she backs away, motioning for you to come closer. You timidly step closer for her to place the appetizer in your mouth, the taste of lemon and coriander quickly filling your tongue. You murmur satisfied. You and Janice continue talking, at one point she's speaking but you can't focus, you're watching Yelena having fun with other girls, it's really nice to see that.

"She looks beautiful..." Janice speaks beside you.

"Yes, she does" you agree still focused on Yelena, but when you turn, it's not the blonde that Janice is looking at so impressively.

You follow her gaze, and at the entrance of the hall, Natasha is arriving. She's wearing a custom-made red dress, and your heart beats faster. The red hair cascades down her shoulders, and a graceful smile adorns her lips. You can hardly look away, enchanted by her stunning presence. Every step she takes seems like a celestial dance, and you feel as if you're caught in a moment of pure magic and admiration. Yelena is the first to greet her in the middle of the hall, and together they walk towards you. Natasha doesn't hug you as she always does, it's not shy or restrained, she hugs you with grace and class, living up to her appearance, and when her perfume fills your nostrils, you feel like floating.

"You look impeccable" this time you say it most sincerely.

"You're not looking too shabby yourself" Natasha says, stepping back to adjust your tie, there's a slight tension between you two for which Yelena gives a stupid grin. "I have a present for you" Natasha pulls out a small bottle from her purse, the strong smell catches your attention as soon as she opens it. "Clint stole some of the Space God's, it's mead, a little stronger than regular alcohol because according to Clint: no one deserves to live a life without spending a single night drunk" she quotes with a shy smile that reminds you a little more of your Natasha.

"Thank him for me" you say, putting the bottle in your pocket. For the rest of the night, you couldn't talk to Natasha, everyone wanted the redhead's attention, and you couldn't blame them. And when the slow music started, all you wanted was to go to Natasha, but you never had the courage to approach her.

"Do you want to dance?" a low voice asks beside you, you look from Natasha to Janice with her hand extended and an anxious expression.

"Of course" you say politely, taking her hand and leading her to the middle of the hall. Janice holds your shoulder and you hold her waist.

You both start spinning around the hall, you seem to float, your steps are light and delicate, you both are dancers. Janice's eyes are dark and you almost get lost in them, not in a good way, it feels like a black hole. You spin her, her back against your chest, and her fingers walk across the palm of your hand, her smell is very fruity. In the chorus, you lift her effortlessly, and when you set her down she's too close. You focus on the superficial steps, but your mind is completely taken by Natasha's image. Each of your movements is mechanical, you try to disguise your mental absence with smiles and polite gestures.

Every note of music seemed to echo Natasha's name in your mind, and when it finally ends, you need to control yourself from running to her.

"That was amazing, thank you so much, but I need to go now... I'm sorry... excuse me" you say flustered as you move away from Janice who looks hurt. Natasha is still in the same place, but she doesn't look at you even as you approach. What you don't know is that she was discreetly watching you from the edge of the dance floor while you danced with someone else. Her gaze conveyed a mixture of sadness and resignation, although she tried to maintain a neutral expression. She couldn't ignore the pang of jealousy she felt witnessing that scene, because she secretly longed to be the person in your arms at that moment.

"Nat..." before you can say anything, before you can extend the invitation, Yelena is jumping onto your shoulders, pulling you into an awkward hug.

"There you are! Come on, let's sneak a peek at what they're watching in the cinema room!" Yelena grabs both your hands and pulls you along with her, you and Natasha exchange a glance, a look only you two understand.

You quietly enter the cinema room, some other widows have also escaped the party to be here, munching on popcorn in their fancy dresses.
You glance at the screen, a laugh escapes you at the universe's diabolical joke.
"We don't have to stay" Yelena comes nervously to you.
"No, it's fine" you say with a sardonic smile, as you continue to find your seat.
It's Yelena and Natasha's turn to exchange glances, they follow you, and before you know it, Yelena is loaded with popcorn bags while you settle in to watch Me Before You.
It's not a bad movie, it doesn't make you feel anything you shouldn't, at least not until the end, William's speech about all the things he couldn't do because he was paralyzed, about never being able to touch the one he loves.
You know that thought, you know what it's like to feel that way, and suddenly it becomes very difficult to understand what is real.
Not until you feel a hand on yours, Yelena is still focused on the movie, with tears starting to well up, and it feels good to have Natasha's hand in yours, and it's good that she doesn't hesitate or pull away when you intertwine your fingers.

You all leave the cinema room, you're feeling a bit numb, and Yelena is a puddle of tears beside you.

"Why didn't he stay with her?!" the blonde complains.

"It was the best for him, Lena..." Natasha responds, still focused on you a little ahead.

"But what about her? They could have had a happy life together! They loved each other!" the blonde continues arguing.

"Just because they love each other doesn't mean they should stay together" Natasha says, and it strikes a chord within you, because you still don't know what is real.

You return to the hall, Natasha goes with Yelena to Melina, as the blonde seems invested in sharing her movie opinion with everyone.
You walk outside, needing some air.
You loosen your tie, thinking about the redhead's words.
Just because they love each other doesn't mean they should stay together.
But she also said it was best for him, even if it meant death, even if it was a selfish decision, it was best for him, and sometimes we need to let ourselves be selfish.
You're going to be selfish tonight.
You're going to tell Natasha everything you need to say.
Taking the bottle from your pocket, this is what you need, liquid courage.
Taking the bottle out, you unlock it, and gulp down half of it at once.
Feeling recharged, you walk with the bitter taste in your mouth, you stop at the door, watching Natasha talk with Melina and other widows, you love this, love watching with other people, it's a privilege.
It's like Greta Gerwig's dialogue in Frances Ha was made just for you, when she said:

It's that thing when you're with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it's a party
and you're both talking to other people
and you're laughing and shining
and you look across the room
and catch each other's eyes
but not because you're possessive
or it's precisely sexual
but because that is your person in this life.
And it's funny and sad
but only because this life will end
and it's this secret world
that exists right there in public, unnoticed
that no one else knows about.
It's sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us
but we don't have the ability to perceive them.

Natasha feels someone watching her, she looks, and it's you, it's always you. She makes a funny face at how silly you're looking at her, leaning against the door with your disheveled clothes and dreamy gaze. You love her so much, and you need to say it immediately or you'll explode. You walk quickly to her, full of hope, and then a wave hits you, throwing you onto the appetizer table, your shirt filled with mini crostinis. Time becomes distorted, and when you look around, everyone is surrounding you, Natasha is holding your face, she looks worried, you hate seeing her worried. Your thoughts are slower and hazier, as if they're wrapped in fog. And to make everyone's confusion worse, you start laughing, giggling on the floor. Natasha furrows her eyebrows, neither she nor anyone else understands what's happening, until an idea crosses the redhead's mind, she rummages through your jacket, which tickles you.

"Did you drink all of this?" she asks you quietly, feeling a bit guilty "it's okay! She's just drunk..."

"Drunk? She's a super soldier, they don't get drunk" Melina contradicts, receiving the flask.

"They do when they drink this"

You continue laughing, each laugh seeming louder and more exaggerated, and your inhibitions seem to slowly disappear, giving way to a strange and uninhibited sense of freedom. However, behind the superficial euphoria, there's a twinge of fear and uncertainty as you realize you're losing control over yourself, feeling both excited and apprehensive about what the rest of the night might bring.

"Let's take you to your room..." Natasha tries to hold you, but you protest.

"I don't want to go back to the room, I want to go outside!" you say, and Natasha tries to restrain you again.

"Natasha" Yelena interjects, she was enjoying the situation "she's just drunk" the blonde intervenes for the worried redhead.

Natasha looks at you, light and laughing on the floor, looking at her as if she carried the universe. It doesn't seem so bad.

"For the first time in my life, I feel like I can fly!" you shout by the beach, the two sisters running to keep up with you as you excitedly and nonsensically dart off. Your eyes shine with a mix of nervousness and excitement as you stumble through the sand. A wave of warmth washes over your body, followed by a sense of euphoria that completely envelops you. You continue to speak with an animated and exaggerated voice.

Yelena and Natasha stop tired of running as you jump and run in circles, full of energy, throwing sand everywhere, falling and getting up.

"Have you ever felt like this?" you hold Yelena's face, she's sitting in the sand and smiling at your excitement.

"Sometimes, yes" she answers softly.

"Why didn't I do this before?! Why didn't I allow myself to feel like this before?!" your laughter echoes across the beach. You've never been drunk before, you were paralyzed even as a child, and then you became a boring and unbeatable super soldier.
But now... all you feel is freedom.

"I never want to stop feeling like this..." you flop down next to Yelena, your clothes are disheveled and full of sand, and you're radiant and breathless.
Yelena is looking at you, happy that you're having this moment of relaxation, Natasha on the other hand, seems tense.
You lay in the sand, starting to make a sand angel.

"What's wrong?" the blonde asks quietly to the redhead.

"I shouldn't have done this" Natasha speaks seriously "I'm afraid that now that she's experienced the feeling, she'll want to feel like this more often..." Yelena understands the concern, she really does.

"Nat... she's been through so much..."

"It's precisely because she's been through so much that the possibility of her falling into addiction is higher, and I introduced this to her!"

"She won't fall into addiction”.

"How do you know?!"

"Because she has us. And we won't let anything bad happen to her ever again" Yelena says, and for a moment they just watch you picking up shells in the sand.

"She tried to kill herself, Yelena" this was a subject never touched upon. "She said, she tried to kill herself, I just... I'm so scared..."

"Me too, Melina and Alexei..." Yelena speaks slowly, thinking about the best way to say it "that's a woman in her prime 30s who never drank alcohol before, we're watching someone have an experience for the first time, an experience that doesn't necessarily need to become something bad. You're overthinking it" Yelena finishes, leaving Natasha speechless. They fall silent again, watching you play with throwing stones, but they never skipped on the water because they were too big.

"I think I'm overthinking it..." Natasha finally agrees.

"You are, that's why I'm here" Yelena says, and they smile at each other "now, how about a swim?" they both get up and start shaking the sand off their clothes "so I can beat you in a water fight"

"Oh sure, you can add that to your Christmas list"

"I don't have a Christmas list" the blonde defends herself with a grimace.

"I do!" you admit loudly and excitedly as they approach.

You experience the second stage of drunkenness the moment Natasha starts helping you take off your clothes to get into the sea.
You have shining eyes and a silly smile, your words stumble as you try to express yourself. You lean in too close to her, almost speaking loudly about feelings you would normally keep to yourself.
Your trembling hands seek hers, seeking comfort and validation, as you struggle to maintain physical and emotional balance. Despite the drunkenness, your heart is overflowing with genuine and vulnerable emotions, and there's nothing you want more than to let Natasha know that.

Three female silhouettes dance among the night waves, their laughter echoing softly in the sea breeze. The moon's silvery light reflects on the gentle crests of the waves, briefly revealing their radiant smiles as they dip in and out of the dark water. Sighs of awe escape from all of you as you gaze at the starry sky, getting lost in the vastness of the universe.

As you swim in the serenity of the night, you and the redhead share fleeting glances and knowing smiles, your hearts beating in unison with the surrounding waves. Amidst the sighs of admiration for the starry sky, your thoughts drift towards each other, the sparkle in your eyes revealing an unspoken but deeply felt love.

You swim up to Natasha, getting very close, she runs her hand through your hair and face, wiping the sand and water off you.
It's natural how her legs wrap around your waist and how you pull her closer, it's so natural, that Natasha almost forgets that this isn't right, that she doesn't want it to be like this, not when she can smell the drink on your lips.
Then she pulls away, and you don't stop her this time.
Your next stop is McDonald's, you felt like if you didn't eat anything in the next 20 minutes you would die.
So here you are, wet, in gala clothes, sitting in the McDonald's parking lot eating burgers and drinking milkshakes, and it's the best thing you've ever tasted in your life.

At some point, Yelena goes back inside to place another order because, of course, a small burger wouldn't fill up a super soldier.

Natasha was lost in thought, staring at the ground when you cleared your throat beside her. She looked up to see you standing there, your hand extended to her just like you did once when you were kids.

"Want to dance?" The question is simple and sweet, and Natasha takes your hand without hesitation. She wraps her arms around your neck, and you hold her waist as you both dance, soaked in the McDonald’s parking lot.

You dance this time for all the times you didn’t. Natasha lays her head on your chest, and you rest your cheek on her head. It feels so right, as if it’s just the two of you in the whole world, dancing to the sounds of the city.

“Nat…” Natasha feels the way you say her name vibrating in your chest. She looks up at you as if she knows what's about to happen.

Or not, because the next moment you're running to a tree and vomiting all your just-eaten burger.

"And there's the not-so-fun part" Yelena says, rushing to hold your hair.

"I'm never drinking again in my life..." you groan amidst the vomit.

"It's enough for me" Yelena says to Natasha, who strokes your back.

"Pokémon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me… I know it's my destiny… Pokémon! Ooh, you're my best friend… In a world we must defeeend" you sing sloppily in the arms of Natasha and Yelena as they drag you to your room. Something they would never let you forget.

"Go... I'll stay with her," Natasha tells Yelena.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah... go rest," the older one insists, and the younger one walks over to you.

"Good night, dizzy head," Yelena teases you, approaching as you look at her with a broken heart.

"Are you leaving already?"

"Yes, no sleepover tonight," she explains patiently, watching you pout and hug her.

"I love you..." you say, full of affection. Yelena hugs you tightly, and Natasha smiles warmly.

"Love you too, drunk butt," she says one last time before heading to the door. "Drink plenty of water, trust me, expert advice," she winks at Natasha, who rolls her eyes, and leaves the room, leaving just you and the redhead.

Natasha turns to you, seeing you standing in the middle of the room, looking so small in that suit, like a child wearing their father's clothes. You look at her with your hands clasped in front of you, an expectant look as if waiting for her to leave too, lighting up when you realize she's staying.

Natasha laughs softly, walking over to you and starting to undo your tie. You don't stop looking at her for a second, and she feels so... seen.

She doesn't look at you, doesn't have the courage. She removes your jacket, unbuttons the first buttons of your shirt, and you're still looking at her like that. She doesn't know if she can handle it, so she takes your hand and leads you to the bathroom, sitting you on the toilet. Natasha grabs your toothbrush and puts some toothpaste on it, then puts it in your mouth.

"There... can you handle this?" she asks, watching you fumble with the toothbrush handle without really grabbing it, making her sigh and take over the task. Natasha starts brushing your teeth carefully, while you still look at her like a puppy admiring its owner. "Stop looking at me like that..." she asks, but does nothing when you don't stop.

You stand up and spit out the toothpaste, turning quickly to hold Natasha when she tries to leave. The bathroom is cramped, and you're so close.

Natasha's breath catches, and you look at her with so much affection... so much desire. She feels so vulnerable, and it kills her.

"No..." Natasha says immediately, because she knows that look.

"We need to talk..." you insist.

"Not now."

"Then when? We never talk, we just... stay in this, whatever it is, and... I can't do it anymore. I need an answer, I need it now," you say as Natasha shakes her head. You don't hold her; she can leave if she wants to, but she doesn't.

"You're drunk. I don't want to have this conversation with you drunk. We can wait; we have all the time in the world," and it's your turn to shake your head.

"We don't. We're not 13 anymore, Nat..."

"Y/N, please..." she looks at you seriously, more seriously than ever before, and you know you're getting nowhere. You walk past her, throwing yourself onto the bed with your wet clothes and all. Natasha closes her eyes, recovering before walking over to you.

She looks at you curled up on the bed and sighs. Natasha can't say why she feels so sensitive now. Maybe it's because you're right there in front of her, asking her to love you, and despite wanting to, she can't allow herself to. So she shakes her head to herself and leaves the room, and Yelena waits for her in the hallway, because somehow, Yelena always knows.

Then exchange a meaningful nod, as meaningful as the tears Natasha carries in her eyes. Then she moves on, and the blonde goes to you. She kneels beside the bed, looking at you.

"I couldn't tell her..." you lament quietly. "I couldn't tell her that I... that I..."

"Y/N, she knows..." Yelena says, and your eyes widen.

"She knows?"

"Sweetie, everyone knows... now, let's get you a bath..." she says as sweetly as she can, caressing your back.

"I don't want a bath... I'm sleepy" you say, burying your head in the pillow.

“Come on… don’t be like that…” Yelena tries to lift you from different sides and in different positions, but with your entire body weight you weigh more than you imagined. “I swear by the most holy thing that if you don't get up from this bed right now I'll steal your arm and sell it to a pawn shop…” she threatens but you don't even move, she tries to move you again, groaning with the extra effort before of giving up “whatever…” she mutters before leaving the room, slamming the door behind her.

You think you napped for about half an hour, and when you wake up, your head throbs. Sitting up with difficulty on the bed, you rise with even more difficulty to go to the bathroom. You turn on the faucet and wash your hands, splashing water on your face and neck, and when you look up, it's not you reflected in the mirror. You startle to see your face covered by the mask you knew so well, you can feel the suffocation and the smell of sweat that always came with it, your face and neck are covered in blood, just like your hands. You feel overwhelmed by terror and rush to cover the mirror with a towel. You're pale in your disheveled and dirty tuxedo, your tie still hanging loose around your neck, you're sweaty, and tears are starting to fill your eyes.

Your body is shaking fervently, a wave of dizziness hits you, making the world around you seem distorted and surreal. You stumble through the bathroom, falling backwards into the empty bathtub and bringing the shower curtain down with you, you cover your mouth with your hands because you don't know how loud you're crying, and you don't want anyone to hear you cry, the moonlight streams in through the window and illuminates the blue tiled bathroom. The silence around you is deafening, only broken by the solemn sound of your irregular breathing. You continue to press your hands against your face, not wanting anyone to wake up, not wanting Natasha, Yelena, or Melina to see you in this state. And yet, all you want to do is run to mommy's arms.

The room fills with applause as another widow tells her story and her inspiring tale of overcoming. You wrap up another group therapy session, always advising, always saying the words you needed to hear. You gather the chairs again, and once more feel a hand on your shoulder, Janice again by your side.

"I just wanted to know how you're doing after yesterday..." she asks, and for a moment you feel nervous, before remembering your embarrassment at the party, laughing lightly.

"Yeah... that was embarrassing, wasn't it? I'm sorry about your mini crostinis" you deflect, not wanting to have this conversation right now.

"No, it wasn't embarrassing, everyone had fun... and I loved the dance too..." you see where this conversation is going, starting to look desperate around the empty room.

"Ah, there you are, Nat and I were looking for you" Yelena comes to your rescue, taking you out of the room as you say goodbye to Janice.

"Thank you..." you awkwardly say as you move away.

"No problem, you looked like you needed saving"

"She's nice, I just don't know how..."

"To dismiss her?"

"No... I just... don't have the head for something like that right now"

"Sure..." Yelena says, as if she doesn't know the problem is the person and not the timing. "Well, since I saved you, I think it's fair that you at least listen to my proposal..." Yelena begins, stopping next to Natasha who was walking through the garden. You roll your eyes before even hearing, already able to imagine what it would be: "Come with us on this next mission"

"No" you say bluntly, continuing to walk, the two sisters follow you, Natasha looking resigned but Yelena keeps talking.

"It'll be just this once! We go, free the widows, and come back, like three days at most!"

"Three days? Lena, I can't be away for three days!"

"Yes, you can, Melina will keep an eye on everything, I've already talked to her"

"Oh, great..." you stop next to three widows from the mechanics class, struggling to loosen the truck's bodywork, effortlessly you use your metal arm to rip it off. Yelena and Natasha watch you with the bodywork.

"Please, we need you" Yelena pleads, and you berate yourself for not being able to say no to her.

"Three days" is what you offer, and Yelena jumps excitedly, celebrating she hugs your neck and the avenger's, you stand close, and with a look that neither of you can describe.

Chapter Text

“Cozy” you say as you stand in front of what would be your hideout for the next few days, an old apartment in the Italian village.

Natasha interrupts your thoughts on the narrow staircase, asking to talk. You and Yelena exchange glances as Yelena continues toward the door while you descend a few steps to meet Natasha.

"I know you don't want to be here" Natasha begins, face to face, a step below you, addressing your mood and stress from leaving your responsibilities at the shelter behind. "But do it for Lena, she's really excited... it's our first mission all together"

You don't need much convincing, you already feel foolish for your behavior. After settling in, you find yourselves in the living room, eating some sweets from the local market.

"Oh, right..." Yelena retrieves a folder from her backpack, handing it to you. "A group of widows is leaving a long trail of powerful men's extermination throughout Italy, they're known as the Lame Nere“

"Eliminating powerful men? Shouldn't we be thanking them instead of hunting them?" you ask, eating without much concern.

"Not if they're being controlled" Natasha adds.

The investigation's beginning is tough, it's hard to pursue something when you're unsure where to start, like trying to catch smoke with your hands. You spend the rest of the night reading files and taking notes in silence, occasionally refilling your tea cups.
The next few days are similar, spending long hours at home reading files and absorbing information but never fully neglecting leisure. You realize your purpose there is to prevent the two women from drowning in work. You're there to take care of them, to prepare fresh food when Yelena insists on ordering, to force them to get some fresh air.

Most of the time, you all go to the same park, walk, sit on the grass, and eat gelato. Yelena entertains herself with the dogs being walked, while you and Natasha watch her with a smile. You lie on the grass, watching the blue sky, Natasha watches you for a few seconds before doing the same. You search for shapes in the clouds, as you used to do when you were young. She looks at you, or you look at her, or you both look at each other at the same time. But her eyes are bluer than the sky, and her hand is in yours.

On a rainy afternoon, Yelena shows up at home with a heavy backpack. You leave dinner preparation and go to her, seeing her take dozens of board games out of the backpack. It crosses your mind, and Natasha's, to remind her that you don't have time for this, that you're here for work. However, neither of you has the heart to go against the wide smile of the youngest.
You were playing Jenga when the lights went out, triggering your instincts as super spies. It took them seconds to realize it was just a blackout due to the bad weather, but that didn't calm down the redhead's intense breathing.

Natasha hated storms, they made her feel anxious and vulnerable, panicking about being at the mercy of things she couldn't control.

So, as a child, she would tremble under her blankets every stormy night until you appeared with a flashlight and a plan. It took a while for you to earn the girl's sympathy, creating shadow shapes on the wall to distract her from the flashes and noises outside.

Natasha believes that night was the first time her feelings changed towards you. Now, in that Italian apartment, watching you teach Yelena how to make a shadow rabbit on the wall, she thinks her feelings haven't changed since then.

After the rain came a sunny afternoon, and there was no way you could stay inside the apartment.

You felt insecure about wearing that dress, as you've been wearing a perception shield created by Melina for your arm, almost making you look normal. Almost. You'd never be normal with so many deformities and scars. You were an adult woman, a super spy, a super soldier, and you still felt insecure about your imperfections.
Walking to the kitchen where Nat prepared her bag, most of these insecurities disappeared by the way she looked at you with admiration and warmth.

There was a small gallery in the middle of the city, Yelena quickly got bored and went out for fun. You and Natasha walked through the shelves, observing each other through the books.
Natasha hadn't been very present, so you thought of something to bring her to you.

"Natty... tell me something I don't know" you asked casually between the shelves.

"About what?"

"About you" always about you. Natasha laughed, a bit bitterly.

"I think we already know enough about each other" she defended herself, pushing you away, but you weren't one to give up easily. You smiled quietly as she continued to analyze the dusty books.

"I think you're right, Katherine" you said, stopping at the end of the shelf, face to face.

"Why did you call me that?" Natasha asked, more curious than confused, trusting that you knew exactly what you were doing.

"You said we already know enough about each other. I thought that, maybe here, we can give ourselves the chance to get to know each other again" you explained, but Natasha wasn't fully on board yet. "You, Katherine, have just closed your art school and are returning to your French architecture apartment..." you went through the store, filling a random box with painting materials and handing it to the redhead, who finally understood. "You are bringing some materials home and thinking about going to the market to buy some vegetables to prepare a Ratatouille on the weekend, and then you entered this gallery, which you always wanted to visit but never took the time..."

"What a fishy smell" Katherine described, and you made a slight face in agreement. "But there were interesting things because it seemed like a school had visited the store, so I went to the art area, shuddering at those terrible pictures! I'm heading towards the cashier when I see a woman in the bookshelf…”

You were spinning around each other, getting more and more immersed in your story, getting to know each other as you never had before. Katherine was still carrying a box, while you were open and exposed, ready for her to shape as she wished.

"Valentina, you said with a charged Brazilian accent when I asked your name. You came to the United States about a year ago with the aim of becoming a great Broadway star” she said, seeing a childish glow appearing in your eyes and deciding to have fun with it. "But you still haven't and are working in a fast-food chain" she said, smiling sharply, putting a cap with the logo of a generic restaurant on you. "How was work today, dear?”

"It was horrible! A boy threw up French fries all over the floor, and I had to clean up" you and Katherine walked through the gallery, circling your bodies as if you floated together with no one else. "But I always get snacks for free, so... I can always get my favorite..."

“That's a vegan sandwich!”

“Exactly!”

You laughed, walking through the shelves and exchanging information from your lives, which seemed to be known even before you were born.
"You knit!"
"Religiously"
"You keep doing BuzzFeed tests at 2 a.m. because you can't sleep waiting for the answer to your presentation”
"I went to Broadway!"

"How did I celebrate?" Valentina pointed out, no longer wearing the cap of the fast-food line but a look worthy of a recognized artist.

“In an expensive hotel room, with large windows overlooking the entire city, a giant and messy bed, many glasses of champagne, and vegan sandwiches!” you were going through the picture frame session full of nude photos.

Now you were standing still, staring at each other as words flew through the air. You were facing a woman not at all dressed, whom Valentina felt the need to turn the portrait to the other side and give them privacy for whatever they were about to discover about each other, but it only made them both laugh softly, minimally breaking the mood.
Katherine - Katty to family and close friends - closed her eyes, smiling to herself for a moment.

"Do you remember that song?" she asked you, paying attention to the sound that filled the store. "It was playing when we met in that gallery, the day after you entered Broadway" she continued, still with her eyes closed, consequently losing your big smile. You remembered well.

"You invited me to eat Ratatouille that weekend" Valentina passed by her, with a convinced smile.

"Yeah, what could I do? I think it was love at first sight" Katy followed her, not knowing how the conversation took this intimate direction, immersed in the nostalgia she created and making her eyes shine.

"It was our first date, and now, after so many years, we have a little house in the countryside” Valentina said softly, not wanting to break the fragile bubble they were in now, and Katy agreed softly. It seemed like a good life for her. "Cultivating our vegetable garden and fruits, having a dog named Dog, even though I wanted it to be Chico”

"And I Oliver”

"Our first DTR..."

Valentina doesn't even need to get any closer, they're already so close, and yet she still takes another step towards the smaller one. Who just like her, has been altered as much as their stories, and she was so beautiful, and so brave for not step back, despite having nothing to fear other than the disdainful glances of some clients who had forgotten their existence.

As slow as ever, Valentina moves her hand to the delicate face in front of her, her heart filling with hope as the woman accepts the affection, careful fingers caressing her cheek. Natasha is Natasha. You are you. And that's what matters in the end.
A whole life, which began with a first encounter in a gallery that smelled of fish, a French dinner that led to a house in the countryside and a dog whose name was decided by rock-paper-scissors, and back to the gallery, where they already know so much about each other, and in this reality, it's not so easy to love each other.

It was a good memory, one that will hurt like anything else we leave behind. And that's what Natasha did, pulling away from the touch and leaving Katherine scattered around the shop.
You also shed Valentina, her Broadway clothes and Brazilian accent. So you also move on, taking just a moment to walk to the shelf and buy a record; tonight, you're definitely taking The Temptations with you.

You head to a tiny room at the end of the gallery, covered in books up to the ceiling, and you stay there under the yellowish light. You feel someone watching you and turn just in time to catch Natasha looking away; you look at her a bit more and turn away when she catches you this time. You linger like this until Yelena appears at the door.

"You won't believe what I found!" you follow the blonde outside, following her to an old photo booth. You squeeze into the booth, Yelena is the first to sit, and of course, she pushes Natasha onto your lap.
You pose between the red curtain and the soft light, you and Natasha exchanging glances and furtive caresses.

On the way back home, a man is playing saxophone accompanied by a band while a girl in a puffy dress dances. You watch her enchanted like everyone else.
It was a few rows ahead that your heart stopped, your eyes widen as you see a figure that reminds you of Isaac, the braids in their hair, their boyish manner... it all seemed too real, a mixture of hope and despair fills your chest as you approach slowly.

You kept in touch with Isaac and his family for some time, but at some point, the boy wanted to leave behind all his traumatic past, and that involved you.
As you approach, the illusion begins to disappear, giving way to what your heart already knew. Your chest fills with longing and sadness, because even after all this time, and even knowing that your boy is better now, you have this wound that will never completely heal.

Your heart weighs heavily in your chest, a sensation you know well, the whole world becomes muffled, and you can't remember how long you've been standing there.
Natasha appears in your field of vision, she's looking at you worriedly, why is she always looking at you worriedly?

"What happened, love?" she asks calmly, without alarm, Yelena appears with a slice of pizza in hand, her joy also fading at seeing you devastated. You really don't remember when you arrived at the apartment, sitting in the living room with two pairs of eyes on you.

But you refuse to talk about it, about how sometimes breathing feels so painful, so overwhelming, it feels like an unbearable burden.
There will always be something else, another painful twist, another problem, and you feel so hopeless.
So you go back to what you do, watching Bond movies and ordering dinner, Yelena is the most talkative of the three of you, but you and Natasha like to listen to her.

During the night, you're watching the city through the window, a small and welcoming city, then you're pulled from your thoughts by screams.
Looking quickly, you see Yelena sleeping on the couch with her headphones on, so you run to where Natasha is.
The redhead tosses and turns in bed, wrapping herself in the sheets as she screams and cries, you know it wasn't the best decision to approach when she jumps on you, a knife at your neck and both of you on the floor.

"It's okay... it was just a dream" you speak calmly, your hands raised in surrender as the widow's cloudy eyes look at you with sharpness. You could easily disarm her, but it's Natasha, so you do nothing. You watch consciousness return to her, she looks at you, and then at her position on top of you on the carpet, then she looks at the knife at your neck, and a devastating guilt settles in her as she backs away. "You're safe..." you continue to affirm as you slowly sit up, still with your eyes on the other woman. Natasha looks so disoriented and wounded now.

"Why did you come? I could have hurt you. Never come, I told Yelena never to come" she admits with shame, which means it happens frequently.

"You didn't hurt me"

"I could have"

"But you didn't" you stand up, looking at the woman who doesn't meet your eyes, focused on the knife in her hands, so ashamed that you saw this vulnerable side of her. "I'll always come for you, Nat..." you say one last time, preparing to leave.

"Y/N" you immediately turn back when the redhead calls, she looks as unsure as her next words. "Can you stay?"

"Of course..." you're not sure how this is going to work, how Natasha wants it to work, because right now it's all about her. So she lays on your chest, letting your heartbeats lull her, it's all she wanted to hear.

"It's always the same dream... we're on that plane, I'm watching you fall, and then we get to the airport and I lose Yelena too... I can't save either of you"

"You were a kid too, no one expected you to save us" you can't imagine all the pain and loss the redhead has endured, but for now, you can try to take this weight off her shoulders.

"I wasn't just any kid"

"But you were still was one" Natasha is so polite about her feelings, she always felt ashamed to receive. Thought she didn't deserve it, so it's she who always gives, it's not a virtue, it's a punishment.

"Forget about it" she pleads softly, hiding her face in your neck "it doesn't matter..."

"It does matter, you matter"

"No..."

For a moment, you both fall silent, and Natasha thinks you're going to let her go, once again sinking into self-loathing.

"You matter to me. And you know it's true because I promise, and you have all my promises"

Natasha quickly lifts herself from your chest, she seems so angry and offended, offended by how much you dare to love her despite everything. It makes her angry. Offended. Because it scares her.

"Stop saying these things!" she shouts in your face "and stop looking at me like that!" she refers to the empathy in your eyes, she doesn't deserve your empathy, she doesn't deserve your love.

Natasha jumps off of you, she stops in the middle of the room, apprehensive and uneasy, you say nothing more, there's nothing more to be said.
With an idea in mind, you gently rise, reaching for the widow's phone on the counter, you unwind her headphones, taking one for yourself and extending the other to her.

Natasha seems hesitant at first, but she can't say no to your insistent eyes. For a moment, you just stand facing each other, listening to the music, you just wait. Then she comes to you, like a wary cat, and you accept her as a refuge.
Natasha tenses as you guide her. She's not used to being touched, not used to this kind of physical intimacy without the implication of violence. But your hand on her cheek feels too good to resist, too soft, too sweet. So she lets you lean her head against you, closes her eyes, and exhales.
The sensation of your skin against hers is like being struck by lightning. It's addictive. Terrifying.

"Tell me something I don't know..." Natasha asks softly with her face against your chest as you sway.

"You know everything" you say with a soft laugh as you hold her.

"I don't know anything worth knowing"

Natasha feels your grip tighten around her, and a sense of comfort washes over her. Your hold gives her a sense of security, a reassurance that you don't intend to let her go... not yet. Her eyes flit up to meet your gaze, and she can see the thoughtfulness in your expression. She waits, her breath held in anticipation, not knowing if what you're about to say will be beautiful or cruel.

”I'm obsessed with words with specific meanings" Natasha looks up with a smile.

"Tell me one" suddenly you feel embarrassed after your secret is revealed.

"Saudade"

"Saudade..." Natasha repeats, her bright emerald eyes looking at you for a few seconds in silence, then she lays back on your chest again.

Mamihlapinatapai; a word from the Yagan language of Tierra del Fuego, defines the shared look between two people in which each one hopes the other will take the lead in something they both desire, but neither wants to take the initiative.

I love you. You want to say it. You loved every inch of her, and that's why you couldn't bring yourself to say more. It's too much. Too much to think about, too much to say.

Natasha slept well for the rest of that night. In your arms.

Chapter Text

"You got up early" you pass by Yelena working on her notebook in the living room, planting a kiss on her head after dragging yourself out of Natasha's fragrant sheets.

"Waiting for the search report. If all goes well with the information we provided, we might locate them today" Yelena explains, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Look at you, all grown-up talk" you tease, starting to make pancakes.

"Well, someone here needs to act like a..." Yelena retorts, walking into the kitchen behind you.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You and Natasha, I can't stand you two acting like lovesick teenagers anymore" you open your mouth to argue but the blonde continues. "I brought you on this mission so you two could finally admit your love for each other, but you keep going around in circles”

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, don't pretend you didn't know! I brought you, I set up romantic dates, and nothing!"

"It's complicated, Yelena..." you try to deflect as usual.

"I know, you keep saying that but never explain why, so go on, this is your chance to explain"

"I don't owe you anything!" the kitchen falls silent, you quickly regret your outburst. You exploded sometimes when feeling cornered and afraid, but you never exploded at Yelena. The blonde doesn't flinch at your outburst, she sees your remorse and isn't hurt.

"Not to me, but to yourself. You want an explanation much more than I do. You can't keep this up forever"

"I can't speak for Natasha, only for myself”

"It's good enough, I'll talk to her later" you sigh, realizing there's no escape.

"Each of us has our own trauma, we were all raised in the Red Room, and we deal with it differently, with the abuse... my way is... to look at that child who was kidnapped, who was abused, and ask myself: where was the person who should have protected her? Because she was a child, and someone should have protected her from that situation, someone should have protected me" your eyes are watery, and Yelena doesn't grasp your point. “The bigger trauma isn't the abuse, it's the feeling of abandonment behind it, and that's what sticks, the lack of protection, the fear. How can I know what is what?"

"So, you don't love her, you're just afraid of being abandoned by her?"

"I love her"

"It doesn't seem like it"

"I do love her"

"Maybe you're just confused”

"I've loved her since the moment I first saw her. She was so brave, and even when she hated me, I couldn't help but admire her because she was so good. She's so good. With her, I feel complete in a way I didn't know I needed; it's like I found a missing piece of myself. Her presence calms me, the way she cares for others without expecting anything in return... she's like a safe haven, and I love her with every part of me, metal or not" you say in one breath. Yelena is still expressionless in front of you until she cracks a smile.

"See how you explained it?" she gives your shocked face three pats. Yelena managed to make you resolve what you hadn't in twenty years. "Stop making excuses for yourself and sort this out... and find a therapist! Alice was a fake bitch, but you can find someone good" the blonde says as she leaves. You continue with your pancakes and a lump in your throat. You didn't think it was just an excuse; it was genuine concern. You were terrified that your feelings for Natasha were confusing because she was the best thing in your life.

"Mmm, pancakes" the mentioned redhead appears in good spirits. You smile, sitting on the counter as you watch her devour the freshly made pancakes. You both stay silent for a while as she eats. You think about your conversation with Yelena; there was no more running away.

"We need to talk" you say gently. Natasha looks at you even more softly.

"About what?"

"You know about what" you both look at each other with so much affection, a slight smile on both of your lips. Neither of you wants to take this step; words are like dead ghosts in your tongues.

"Do you want to do this now?"

"I don't... but Yelena just gave me an ultimatum, and I think if I don't do it, she'll steal my arm while I sleep" you say with humor, and Natasha laughs, leaving the pancakes to come to you at the counter. She fits between your legs and hugs your waist. It's not strange; it doesn't make you uncomfortable.

"So let's talk”

"Let's talk..." you trace your fingers along her back, your faces close and smiling.

"Girls! They found the widows' location, we need to go!" Yelena shouts, passing through the room like a hurricane. You and Natasha look at each other one last time before the redhead leaves. You sigh disbelievingly.

"Seriously..." you complain once again about not having had time to do what you needed, jumping off the counter to go get ready.

"Did you remove the filter?" Yelena asks when you arrive at the designated building, referring to the perception filter on your arm.

"Metal is more intimidating" you shrug, feeling a bit embarrassed.

You invade the old building, and it's completely empty. You search everything, but there's nothing.

"It could have been misleading information" Natasha says, but you feel it in your gut and hear the ticking of the clock.

"Run!" they don't need much to hear you and run outside; a few seconds later, the building explodes. Whoever they were, they knew you were there, and they were counterattacking. They weren't happy you escaped, firing at you.

The three of you are still scattered due to the explosion, your vision blurry and ears muffled; you can't tell where the shots are coming from. All you can do is run.
You do your best to cover Yelena's body with yours as you're bombarded in the streets, but at some point, between streets and corridors, you and Natasha lose the blonde.
You continue running while being pursued, but you won't stand a chance while having to watch your steps.

"Nat... try not to be embarrassed!" you shout as you run, leaving the redhead confused.

"Why would I be embarrassed?!" you don’t answer, grabbing her arm and pulling her behind you.

You start running faster, feeling Natasha clinging to you like a koala, when you finally stop, you're far enough away from the gunfire. You leave the disheveled redhead on the ground.

"That was so embarrassing" she says, cheeks red and hair messy, and you run into a convenience store.

You follow Natasha through the clothes section; she grabs some pieces and throws them to you.

"What are we doing here?" Natasha doesn't answer; she just puts a cap on your head.

"Disguise"

"Disguise? Is this a disguise for you? A cap?"

Natasha doesn't answer; she just puts on her jacket and covers her conspicuous hair. You go through the checkout, and she leaves much more than necessary there, not stopping to count the bills.

"We need to find Yelena downtown and then discuss what we're going to do. This mission is different from the others; they know we're here, and they're fighting back"

You obediently follow her, no longer having experience in running around like this. That's why when you enter the subway and see the first train, you let Natasha take control when you realize the said widows start to enter it too, looking for you.
You just didn't expect what she would ask you when she turns to you:

"Kiss me"

"What?!" you look astonished at the redhead in front of you.

"Public displays of affection tend to make people uncomfortable, especially if it's a same-sex couple" she quickly explains, and you can swear you see something more in her eyes and the gentle tone of her voice when she asks again: "Y/N, kiss me"

You can't resist, not even waiting when Natasha's hand holds your nape, and the Avenger pulls you towards her. You both want to convince yourselves that this is all part of the disguise, that you're doing this to escape, that it's fake. But there's nothing fake about the warmth radiating from you both as your lips meet, the way Natasha pulls you closer and closer to her, the way you embrace her waist and hold her close. It's not fake, and it's different from your first kiss in the kitchen; the first one was hesitant and clumsy, testing the waters, but now you both know exactly what you want and lean in for more. It's electrifying when you feel the tip of her tongue pass your lips, and as soon as you open your mouth to receive it, the jolt of the departing train separates you.

You grip the safety bar with your metal hand while leaving the other around Natasha to hold you both in place. You feel her breathless panting against your lips; it's like a magnet, hard to pull away from. And you don't pull away; Natasha doesn't let you go. She nestles even further into your embrace, being held tight.

Turns out your embrace is very comfortable, with you all soft in these new clothes that smell of the store, but behind that still has the unique scent of your soap, which, for some reason, is very pleasant to Natasha, and the way you're holding her, Natasha feels safe. She feels good to lower her guard right there because she knows you won't let anyone in, so she relaxes, even knowing she should pull away. You cautiously wrap your arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer to you, where she lays her head under your chin, and stays there.

"What are we doing?" you can't help but ask, with all the care, not wanting to scare or send the smaller one away.

"It's part of the disguise..." Natasha speaks with certainty, as if she's been thinking about this answer for hours, as if she's repeating it to herself. You only understand what she says because you feel the words against your collarbone, and the redhead's arms loosen around you, allowing you to leave if you wanted to.

You hold her tighter, your hand finding firm ground on the nape of her neck, stroking her tangled fiery hair under the cap, tracing circles and running your nail back and forth.

Natasha is so relaxed that you can hear her complain if you stop, so you don't stop, resting your cheek on her head, smelling the scent of a few rebellious strands that escaped from the cap.

Contrary to what you imagined, Natasha doesn't just have an elegant and subtle scent; she also smells like strawberries, coming directly from her lip gloss. She smells like picnics and warm nights spent with friends, Sunday mornings, and gummy bears with a hint of whiskey.

There's something... transparent about all of this, maybe because your bodies are millimeters apart, because you can hear your racing hearts.

Then Natasha is leaving her hiding place; she's looking up, and you're so close, always so close.

The widow could easily hold your nape and pull you down, and you're not sure if you would do anything other than bring her even closer.

Close, close, close, close, close, close, close.

You don't want to think about how close you are; you don't want to think about anything.

You lean in and kiss her forehead.

"Where were you guys?" Yelena asks impatiently as she waits for you at the agreed-upon location. You and Natasha remain silent, each waiting for the other to respond, there hasn't been much conversation since you got off the train and the blonde notices the strange atmosphere. "What's with the new clothes? And why do you both look weird?"

Neither you nor Natasha respond again, acting like two children who got into trouble. Yelena continues to look at you both suspiciously, but she's prevented from asking more questions when a loud helicopter sound emerges from the top of one of the buildings.

The three of you urgently climb the fire escape, reaching the top just in time to see the helicopter with the widows beginning to take off, but you wouldn't let it.

Running, you grab it in the air, forcing it to descend. When it's close enough, you hold onto the helicopter with your metal arm, using the other to cling to one of the building's safety bars.

You're using all your strength and ability to not let it get away, forcing your arms, Yelena and Natasha watch you, both with an impressed expression until the redhead shocks them into action and they run to help you.

With the mutual effort of the three of you, the helicopter is landed again, and the group of widows exits coughing from it when Yelena explodes the antidote on them.

Yelena gives the same speech as always, about how the widows were freed and can come with you to reclaim their lives.

What none of you expected was that these girls weren't being controlled, they killed for money, they used what once imprisoned them for their own benefit.

It caught you by surprise, you stood there like three clowns watching them leave with a clear conscience, a part of you thinks you should stop them, but another part just wanted to go home and not think about how you spent three days spying for nothing.

They were no longer your problem.

"Well, that was at least an interesting plot twist" Yelena says as she flops onto the ugly hotel bed. "And that thing you did with the helicopter? That was hot! You seemed so badass hanging there, I thought Natasha wouldn't be able to close her mouth" she says before being hit by a strong pillow thrown by the redhead.

"And what do we do now?" you say, sitting awkwardly on the other bed. You didn't want it to end, these days trapped in a hotel room ordering food for the trip and watching cable TV were meant to be left behind.

"Well, we solved the problem... maybe we can just, enjoy now?" Natasha suggests, as if a good part of your stay there hadn't been you both enjoying yourselves.

The city is beautiful at night, it's lit but not too much to become uncomfortable, it's a warm and pleasant night and several people are on the streets.
Narrow cobblestone streets intertwine under soft lights hanging from centuries-old stone buildings. The facades of the houses are painted in warm tones of terracotta, yellow, and ochre, while flower pots adorn the windows and eaves of the roofs.
The tempting aroma of home-cooked food wafts through the air, mixing with the sound of laughter and lively conversations coming from the outdoor cafes and restaurants.
As the sun slowly sets on the horizon, the sky transforms into a spectacle of vibrant colors, painting a breathtaking backdrop for residents and visitors to enjoy.

You, Natasha, and Yelena are drawn to a small party happening downtown, the stalls are packed around, the three of you sit at a table, watching people dancing further ahead.
The soft lights illuminate the scene, creating a romantic and cozy atmosphere. The people around are relaxed and happy, enjoying each other's company.
Everything around you conveys a sense of warmth and intimacy, but it doesn't reach you as you and Natasha continue to be so strange with each other, and Yelena can't stand it anymore.

"Alright! What went down? You guys disappeared together and then came back weird, either you tell me what happened or I'll let my imagination run wild and it'll be much worse..."

"I love your eyes, you know?" you cut her off, and she looks at you with those amber orbs reflecting the glow of the stalls.

"Don't try to stall me..."

"It was how I found out it was you, back at the flower shop, the eyes... they never lie"

"Y/N..."

"I'm going to dance!" you cut off Yelena's musings, getting up quickly and leaving under the younger one's stressed gaze.

"You can't run forever!" she shouts, watching you head for the dance floor.

"Can't I?" you reply, already being swallowed by the crowd. Yelena turns to Natasha, who just shrugs and orders two beers.

As you reach the dance floor, the atmosphere is dark, illuminated only by colored spotlights dancing through the space to the pulsating beat, shrouded in mist. You start to move with gracefulness, your fluid movements echoing the energy of the music. You love to dance.
As the music intensifies, neon lights shimmer on the tall buildings as you continue to dance, your body twisting in perfect harmony with the beat, full of expressive and vigorous, wild and free movements, expressing the intensity of your emotions. Natasha loves watching you dance.
The redhead's eyes are fixed on you, captured by the grace of your movements and the intensity of your expression. It's the eyes. The eyes never lie.

A faint smile plays on her lips, reflecting the admiration and enchantment she feels witnessing you live. Her heart beats faster, captivated by the passionate fire that emanates from the performance. Every gesture, every movement, is like a visual poetry that envelops her in a world of pure emotion. She feels hypnotized, unable to look away, completely surrendered.

"What happened today, Nat?" Yelena asks again, watching her sister watching you. Natasha sighs; there's no more escaping.

"We kissed. We were fleeing the widows and needed a way to blend in... it was just part of the mission" the Avenger says, tired of repeating it.

"Do either of you believe these lies you tell?" Yelena asks seriously, already frustrated. "I just don't understand why you keep doing this, why you're so afraid to give it a chance?"

"From early on, I was taught that the life of a spy is solitary, full of secrets and sacrifices. I know that the weight of my choices and the danger I face are too much to put on someone I love" Natasha says low and distant. "All this cannot be shared without risking those I care about. We were raised by the Red Room. Y/N may have gotten rid of it, but I haven't. I am not fit for love, Yelena"

"Do you really think she got rid of it? She hasn't slept a single second while we've been here because she's afraid of nightmares and losing control. She's hypervigilant and easily startled, she isolates herself and has mood swings, but you don't see that because you're so lost in self-pity. Your feelings may have made you naive, but you've never been dumb, Natasha. She's not just anyone; she understands exactly what you're feeling and what you've been through"

Natasha doesn't say anything; she has no more arguments or excuses, nothing left to hide her fear. Because you are the love of her life, always have been, and she's so afraid that one day you'll stop being that, that she'd rather not even try.

"It's not that simple; you'll understand when you fall in love with someone" she says, returning to her drink. Yelena tenses beside her.

"Yeah, I won't... Y/N calls it asexuality, and I think that's it. It's okay if it doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me, so..." the blonde bursts out defensively, trying not to show how much her sister's opinion means to her, whether it's acceptance or denial. Until she feels a hand on hers, Natasha looking at her with tenderness.

"It makes sense to me. If you're happy, it makes perfect sense to me. Thank you for telling me"

Yelena smiles, feeling the weight lift off her shoulders, so Natasha makes her decision because if her little sister was brave, she can be too. Taking one last sip of her beer, Natasha gets up and goes to you on the dance floor.

You smile as you see her approaching through the joyful crowd, the Avenger's movements are elegant yet contained, reflecting the hidden desire and passion within her. You dance separately, your souls seeming to intertwine, each movement echoing the other in a silent conversation of desire and connection. In an intimate and emotionally charged atmosphere, it's just the two of you.

You, with vibrant energy and a captivating smile, reach out to Natasha. She's initially shy, hesitating for a moment before accepting, letting herself be carried away by the soft music. As you begin to dance, your eyes meet, communicating more than words could express. You move gracefully through the space, so close that you can feel each other's warmth. Every movement is delicate and full of tenderness, as if you're dancing not just with your bodies but also with your souls.
You draw even closer, your faces almost touching. In a moment of pure surrender, the world around fades away, leaving only the warmth of the love burning between you.

People still dance and sing even after many hours, even when you watch them from the window of your ugly hotel room.

"Can't sleep?" Natasha asks, joining you at the window.

"Never could, remember?" it's true, since you were young you've had trouble falling asleep, sporting deep dark circles.

Natasha doesn't say anything; she just leans against the window too, watching the people having fun.
You share a comforting moment of silence, each lost in your own thoughts. Beside you, Natasha felt her heart race every time your eyes met, but she kept her passion hidden beneath a mask of serenity. Slowly, your fingers find their way to each other, both knowing that something special hangs in the air, something they couldn't confess, but that envelops them in a sweet mystery of unspoken love.

"I remember something Melina used to do to help you sleep..." Natasha turns to face you, eliciting a fond laugh when she starts running her finger tip along your nose.

She repeats it over and over until your eyes close and you release a long tired sigh. "You need to sleep."

"I don't want to"

"You're safe, no need to be afraid"

"I'm not afraid for myself"

"I know, you'd never hurt us" you want to protest but you're so tired, her touch is winning you over, and it's so hard for you not to believe in Natasha.

"Are you staying?"

"Always" then you adjust and lay your head in her lap, Natasha continues to stroke your curls, quickly whisking you away. You feel safe and comfortable, feeling like you can finally let go.

"Nat?" you call, and from the tone of your voice, the widow knows you're almost no longer with her.

"Hmm?"

"Tell me something I don't know." Natasha pauses for a moment after your whispered words, she leans down and kisses your temple, lingering there a little longer.

"I love you”

Chapter Text

The following day was lively, you strolled through the fair, feeling more rested than ever after a full night's sleep, and if Yelena rolled her eyes at you and Natasha tangled together by the window, she didn't comment.
You sampled foods from the stalls and played all the games, having fun and laughing like never before.

That's when you saw him again, the boy who quickened your heart, who brought back memories of Isaac.

You approached him at the shooting stall, asked for a token, needless to say, you hit every target and won the prize, turning to the child who looked at you in awe. You handed him the simple bear you won.

"Thanks for letting me win" you said, and he beamed.

"You're really good at this" a voice appeared beside you, the boy's mother having witnessed the whole scene.

"Oh, I used to shoot..."

"No, no, I meant this whole mom thing. Do you have kids?"

"I did" your chest started to ache with the statement and memories, leaving the woman in front of you a bit awkward.

"I bet you were a great mom" she tried to be sympathetic.

"She was the best" by your side, Yelena and Natasha appeared, because they'll never let you fall alone.

You continued your day with jokes and laughter, pausing for a moment to look at a confuse Yelena.

"What's up?" she asked suspiciously, looking you both up and down.

"We have a surprise for you" you said, smiling.

"But don't get too excited, it's just one..." Natasha spoke firmly, pulling out a puppy from behind her back. Yelena let out an excited scream, quickly taking the puppy into her arms, hugging and kissing it, showering it with love.

"This is the best gift ever!" she exclaimed, still amazed by her little puppy who already seemed to love her back. You and Natasha exchanged happy looks, you make a great team.

"Okay, if you win, I'll give you my cool vest, but if I win..." Yelena was getting ready at the shooting stall because of course, she and Natasha couldn't pass it without making a bet "you dye your hair blonde..." Yelena said, and you swore you could see a little demon on her shoulder.

It would be stupid if Natasha accepted, even if minimal, there's a chance she could lose. That's it, Natasha won't accept, it would be stupid.

And Natasha accepted.

"I can't believe you lost..." you said still shocked "to Yelena, our younger sister beat you..." you continued to babble slowly as you recovered from the outcome.

"And the student surpasses the master..." Yelena said with a sharp smile by your side.

"Shut up!" Natasha said grumpily, grabbing a box of dye from the pharmacy shelf.

When you returned to the apartment, it was already night, you had groceries to prepare dinner, but Yelena had other plans.

"I'm taking Fanny for a walk" she said, already heading out again.

"But we just got back..." you said confused, Natasha was already heading to the bathroom to pay her debt.

"I want to go out again, Y/N!" Yelena bid farewell, gesturing to the bathroom.

You still felt confused as you walked to the bathroom, where Natasha was doing a long assessment in front of the mirror.

"What do you think if I take the opportunity to cut my hair?" she asked, holding the strands above her shoulders.

"It's going to look beautiful... I can cut it for you" you replaced her hands with yours, and Natasha looked at you disbelievingly through the mirror.

"You? Cut my hair?" she asks suspiciously, despite all the nights you've spent braiding your hair together.

"What's with the ironic tone? I used to be a homemaker, remember? I was always cutting the boys' hair, even did Isaac's braids..." you defend yourself as Natasha laughs, turning to you, and you're close again.

"I trust you" Natasha says with a smile, and you tenderly run your fingers through her hair. Your gazes meet, and in a moment of connection, you both knew that this was the right moment.

Neither of you thought much this time, you traded Natasha's strands for her cheeks, and you met halfway into a tender kiss.
It was a short and careful kiss, you separated slowly and remained with your foreheads together, the tips of your noses touching. Still with closed eyes, you stroked Natasha's cheeks as she absorbed the comforting sensation of your touch, slowly leaning in closer.

Your heart was pounding as you felt her breath against your skin, and when you kissed again, the world around you disappeared once more. Natasha ran her hands down your back, sneakily slipping under your shirt and caressing the skin there.
The shiver that ran through your body was like a switch that had been turned off for decades, and you easily lifted her so Natasha could wrap her legs around your waist.

You look at each other, trying to figure out if you got it right, if this was really the path both of you wanted to take because it was a one-way street. Your questions were answered through your eyes shining with an intensity that reflected the depth of your feelings.

You smiled at each other, and you held her gently as you left the bathroom, your heart racing as you entered the bedroom, you sat on the bed with Natasha still on your lap, your hands around her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. Your hands gently explored the curves of her back, conveying a gentle care.

Natasha felt enveloped by a sense of security and love as she surrendered to the comforting warmth of your embrace.
Still focused on the emeralds before you, you gathered the red locks and gathered them into a pile behind the avenger's neck, where your hand landed and pulled her so that your lips touched firmly. Slowly pulling away, your mouth brushes against her defined chin and your teeth nip at the skin there, you smile when Natasha gasps and tightens her grip on you a bit.

"I don't know how to do this..." the redhead admits into your mouth.

"Me neither" you reply, and you both smile at each other.

You had sex before, of course, with men and women, many times over. But you didn't know how to do this, you didn't know what it was like to make love.
Kissing your way to Natasha's neck, you slowly suck on her pulse, biting the trapped skin, feeling proud of the noises coming from the avenger's mouth, who held the back of your head, guiding you to continue your movements and soon the whole space is marked with colorful, warm, and wet circles.

Natasha brings you into a kiss that's not so firm now, sloppy and eager, shivering when your tongues touch, you climb onto the bed with Natasha still connected to your lips, feeling her grip your shoulders tightly as you both descend onto the mattress. Pulling away due to lack of air, Natasha begins to place kisses on your face, neck, shoulders, and chest, recalling all the times she wished to be in this position.

You two were used to something harder, by now you would usually be without clothes, with strong grips and violent touches around you, but it was different this time, because it was you, and both of you wanted it to be special. Whatever was going to happen, it would be beautiful.

Carefully, you exchanged positions, getting on top, and the redhead accepted it so well. Natasha holds onto your shirt, a plea in her eyes. You let her take off your shirt, and the way she looks at you doesn't make you ashamed, no one has ever looked at you like that. She runs her hands over your stomach, over your chest rising and falling rapidly, she runs her hand over your arm, and only then do you feel embarrassed.

"I can activate the filter..." you whisper, already reaching for the perception filter.

"No..." Natasha says weakly, pulling you closer to her. "No"

Natasha is stunning, she is so impeccable. She crosses her arms over her bust as if she had never been seen, no one has ever looked at her as you look.

"You are beautiful" you say quietly, leaving a kiss on a scar she has between her collarbones, and kissing others.

You go down more and more, taking your kisses to the widow's firm and pink breasts, you feel Natasha's breath locking when you hold one of them, delicate and unhurried.
Until with your own excitement growing, you no longer feel so patient, and without warning, you reach one of them with your mouth, making

Natasha arch her back surprise, one of her hands grabbing the sheets while the other holds in her hair, pulling you closer as she sucked alternating her stiff nipples.
This same hand follows you as you go down depositing kisses on the avenger's body.

Natasha confirms when you look at her asking for permission, and the image of her fingers opening the zipper of her pants will be in the minds of both for all eternity.

Natasha buries a second hand in her hair, hoping that you understand how much she wants it, and you understand, without hesitation leaning to prove her.

A moan escapes you when you experience the moisture of the smallest that squirms in your mouth.

Natasha is the silent type, her loud and panting breathing replaced any sound she could make while taking her hip to her face.
You take your time to extract all the patterns in her, Natasha guiding you as she wanted.

Now it's all about her.

You see everything, you see the breathing leaving her mouth fast, you see the droplets of sweat forming on her neck, you see when she is close to breaking down on your tongue, wrapping her legs on your back so you can go deeper.

You see all this, so you stop.

Natasha seems so helpless, but she understands when you go up again, her eyes shine clemently for you as you start tracing her thighs with your fingers. It scares you a little when she grabs your hand.

“Use the other one”

Your pupils dilate, something clicks inside your head, the chemistry of your brain is totally changed at that moment.

Natasha gasps with the first touch of the icy metal in her folds, you can say that she is controlling herself not to close her eyes, to look at you, with her flushed face and swollen lips.

You provoke her entrance, but you will not deny her the pleasure, easily entering her with one finger. Natasha's mouth opens, nothing comes out, so you add another one. You get in and out of her slowly, giving her time to adjust, you feel her pressing against your curved fingers as you accelerate.

She pulls you for a kiss with the intention of keeping quiet when her orgasm arrives, and Natasha bursts your mouth. You swallow her moans while she rides your fingers, being happy that she doesn’t have to control her strength while scratching your back.

All that was left were Natasha's whining around the room, while the climax faded. You took a long time to get out of it, both taking advantage of the moment to breathe, processing what just happened.
You get a moan of disapproval when you come out of her, you two with smiles on your face. She hugs you so as not to prevent you from getting off her, she wasn't ready for it yet, so you stay, kissing your sweaty neck.

You look when she takes your hand, her metal fingers wet by her juice. So Natasha is turning you in bed, sitting on top of you.

"You don't have to do that..." you say, caressing her naked hip, the wet heat against your belly, and Natasha looking at you as if she had heard the greatest nonsense in the world.

"I want to..." she whispers, leaving kisses on your face, she wants to give you everything you deserve.

Natasha lets you guide as you want, when your pieces of clothing are also discarded, she starts at your neck and goes down.

At the first touch of her tongue against your center you already feel close to exploding.
Natasha who is between your legs, the red hair scattered everywhere, emerald eyes on you.

She takes advantage of the vision of you unaying while she sucks you, because this is simply beautiful as fuck, and she wishes she could see you like this more often, delighting in pleasure for her.

In turn, you're not so silent, you couldn't even be if you wanted to, and Natasha can't help but think it's the hottest thing she ever heard.

Your hand goes to the red hair, but you never hold it, not now when you don't think you can control yourself, grabbing your sheets tightly. Still sucking you, Natasha slowly adds a finger to you. She quickly learned to love you at her mercy. She loves how you squirm in your touch, she loves how you whine.

"What do you need?" Natasha asks biased, her tone moves you, she can feel that's why she continues "do you need more?". You agree with your head, not having the ability to speak now "use your words, beautiful girl" you try to breathe, thinking about how Natasha calls you a girl even though you are older than her, and you want to reverse the situation.

“Mais… eu preciso de mais” and there's nothing more biased about Natasha, it's the turn of the chemistry of your brain being altered, listening to you speak in your native language.

And she gives you what you want.

She gives you more.

She fills you.

Your metal hand serves well as a muffler when you use it to hide the loud scream that escapes from you when your orgasm hits you Natasha feels your body shiver when watching you grab the sheets with tears in her eyes, and watch you fall relaxed.

She removes her fingers from you, leaving a wet mark wherever they go, before taking them to her mouth and sucking them one by one, delighting in the new taste, you watch her with dark eyes, pulling her to kiss her with a little more force this time, moaning as she proves herself on her tongue.

You are silent for the rest of the time, nothing in your minds while Natasha is lying on her naked chest and you exchange caresses, your bodies are tangled and shiny.

And there's so much peace. Natasha gets up, giving you a light kiss on your lips, and you both look at each other with love.

"Finally..." and it was as good as you both could have dreamed.

"It only took twenty years” you say, and the redhead laughs. You cup her face and pull her in for another kiss. "It was worth the wait" you say, and Natasha responds with equal enthusiasm. Because you would wait for each other for a thousand years.

"Worth it" the redhead agrees, lying back down on your chest.

You exchange patterns on her bare back while she has your chin. You're almost drifting off to sleep when your phone rings.

"It's Yelena..." you inform, unconcerned.

"What does she say?"

"Just to let you know: I'm coming back" you and Natasha look at each other, jumping out of bed and tossing each other's clothes as you hurriedly dress. You rush to the kitchen, and you remember to wash your hands before starting to chop some vegetables, while Natasha pretends to read the label of one of the ingredients just in time for Yelena to appear at the door.

"Oh, hello! How was the walk?" you ask, somewhat tired.

"Fine, I'm teaching Fanny some tricks" you and Natasha look at her as interested as possible. Which is not enough to wipe the suspicious expression off the younger one who analyzes them for a few seconds. "Holy shit! You guys fucked!" Yelena shouts with accomplishment, you and the redhead drop your pretense, there was nothing more to do. "Finally! I need to tell Melina!"

The blonde laughs loudly as she exits the room while grabbing her phone.
"Your shirt is inside out, idiot!" she shouts at you before disappearing onto the balcony. You look at your turned shirt, fixing it as Natasha approaches, smiling.
You hug her tightly, listening to Yelena laugh while talking excitedly on the phone.
It was really happening.
Okay, you both just waited a few years for this.
When it's time to sleep, you and Natasha head to the front door, not ready for the day to end.

"I really have a light sleep! You don't want to traumatize your little sister..." she shouts as she puts on her headphones. "We're leaving tomorrow!"

Yelena smiles as you close the principal door.
Finally.
You walk down the cramped street, and under the yellow light of a streetlight, Natasha holds you to dance, for all the dances you two didn't have.

"And now, Tasha?" you ask against her neck.

"And now... everything. I don't think the Avengers will be a thing again anytime soon, we can dedicate ourselves to helping rehabilitate the widows, and... live?"

"Live? Together?" you look at her, she smiles and lightly kisses you.

"Together. Forever. I'll never let you go again..." you hug her again, a smile on your lips.

"Sounds good to me." You kiss near her ear, and she doesn't need to ask you to say it: "I love you” you whisper, it's all Natasha wants to hear, all you want to tell her.

"I love you" she repeats, just because it feels good. And you both start dancing again. It doesn't need to be anything grand for now, no grand declaration, just this means everything. "Clint invited us to the farm, he wants to meet you and wants Yelena to meet a new girl, Kate, he said she's equally uncontrollable and charming..." she says, and you are silent for a while.

"That would be nice, wouldn’t it? A house in the countryside, away from everything and everyone..." you say thoughtfully.

"Is that what you want?"

"What do you want?" you ask, catching Natasha off guard. No one has ever asked her what she wanted. She thinks for a moment, then a big smile spreads across her face.

"I want a small, cozy house, filled with art and big windows so the sunlight can pour in..." she says dreamily. You love this, you love seeing her dream.

"What else?"

"I want trees, a thousand trees with fruits of all kinds!"

"A thousand trees?"

"A thousand trees! I want bookshelves that reach the ceiling, and I want a space on the porch where we can read those books. Two matching rocking chairs, so we can grow old side by side..." she smiles brightly.

"Okay..." you say softly, full of love.

"Okay?"

"Okay." You would do anything for her, anything to see her smile like that more often. Because she deserves everything you can give.

There, together, making plans for the future, you can leave behind the battles fought and the obstacles overcome, surrendering to the comforting warmth of a love that stood the test of time. In the serene silence of that moment, you knew you didn't need anything else but each other's presence to find the long-awaited fulfillment.
You will have the peace you deserve.
The ending you deserve.
The last missing piece was finally in its place.

Chapter Text

The setting is under a torturous silence, all you can hear is your racing heartbeat as you dart from one room to another. You employ all your senses, your super hearing, sense of smell, vision, anything that can give you an advantage over the enemy. You clutch the weapon tightly against your body, every shadow a potential threat, every movement a potential trap.

Arriving at the seemingly empty room, you cast a suspicious glance around, and with your next step, the wooden floor creaks beneath your foot, and someone falls on top of you, pinning your neck with toned legs. You need little effort to throw your assailant against the couch, and she quickly recovers, standing before you, an equally pointed weapon aimed in your direction.

"What a surprise, Romanoff" you say to the woman who stares at you sternly.

"You have a chance to surrender" Natasha speaks with a low, provocative voice.

"You wish" you retort, equally focused.

Natasha advances, and in a swift movement, you are engaged in a choreographed fight that resembles more of a dance. Until, in an unexpected move, she manages to disarm you, throwing you onto the couch. She climbs on top of you, immobilizing your arms with her legs while pointing the gun at your chest.

"You've gotten slow" she says with a cunning smile.

"Maybe you're exactly where I want you to be" you respond, lifting your hips to topple her over.

You roll off the couch towards the ground, retrieving your weapon, and when you turn to face the redhead, Natasha pulls the trigger towards your chest.
You pause for a second as you're hit, looking at your traitor who seems very pleased with herself. You slowly look down at your stained shirt, seeing it begin to soak.
You drop to your knees in front of Natasha, she looks at you with a victorious expression, you try to speak, but once again the redhead has the gun pointed at you, right at your face.
Without remorse, she pulls the trigger again, and you're hit... by the water jet.

"Okay, okay, I give up! You won!" you say as you wipe your face with the soaked shirt. Natasha celebrates, and you approach her, pulling her legs towards the edge of the couch. "It's not fair, I always have to make dinner..."

"It was a fair battle, I'm not to blame if you're out of shape" she teases you, and you stop showering kisses on her bare thighs to look at her incredulously.

"Out of shape?! I retired less than a year ago!" you try to pull away, but Natasha keeps you where you are, wrapping her legs around you.

"I know, my love, and I won't lie, I've been loving having you all to myself".

Natasha pulls you into a passionate kiss, a kiss just like the ones you shared at the beginning of your relationship, as if three years hadn't passed since then. Nothing changed, the feeling didn't diminish even a bit, on the contrary, you fell more in love with each other every day.
You climb onto the couch and stop on top of her, exchanging knowing smiles before kissing again. The house was far from being a battlefield. It was a cozy home filled with love. The days of missions and dangers seemed distant, replaced by moments of tenderness and playfulness.

Alexei and Melina were excited when you decided to live together, and Yelena just rolled her eyes and asked: "What now? Are you going to adopt a cat too?".
Everything has been perfect since then, which seems like an exaggeration to say but it's not.

You start kissing down Natasha’s panting neck, running your hands over her full breasts. You could never tire of Natasha's body.
"The prize for the champion..." you murmur, Natasha loves it, she loves how you look at her hungrily, as if she were the last glass of water in the desert, she loves how that hasn't changed over the years.

Natasha pulls your hair, making you look at her with your flushed face and dark eyes.
“Take me to bed” she says, and that’s all you need to hear to hold her against your chest and carry her to the bedroom.
You lay her down on the bed, kissing your way down to her hip bones, but Natasha has other plans. She opens the second drawer of her desk, grabbing a strap and throwing it against your chest.
Your eyes widen for a moment, you smile and without warning, you pull her pants down her legs, while she pulls her shirt over her head, you admire the sight of her like that.

“You have no idea how good you look right now…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…” you smile, taking off your own clothes and fitting the strap on your hip.

Natasha pulls you to meet her lips, kissing you desperately. You swallow her moans as your fingers begin to run through her wet folds. One finger. Two fingers. You prepare her.
“I’m ready” she whimpers.
“You sure?” you assure, before positioning the end of the strap at her entrance as she holds onto your shoulders.
Your hands go to her waist, below her chest, your eyes focused on her as you thrust your hips slowly.

“You good?” you ask, your voice a little hoarse and breathless. She nods, holding the back of your neck and bringing your forehead to hers.

You smile, starting with slow, shallow thrusts, watching her face for any sign of pain, going slowly. Her mouth opens, her eyes close and she wraps her legs around your waist as you pick up the pace.
Natasha’s eyes gets glassy, her face flushed as she gasps loudly, you look up at her, moaning softly at the expression on her face.

“So beautiful...” you whisper, leaning forward, wrapping an arm around her back to pull her up against your chest, pushing deeper.

“You look tired” Natasha wraps her arms around your neck, teasing. You let out a breathy laugh.

“Shut up...” you murmur, your pelvis flush against hers as you use the new angle to press yourself against her clit “just focus on me...” you say before burying your face in her neck.

For a moment the only sound in the room is your hips slamming and your strangled sons.

You let your head fall into the crook of her neck as the pace begins to quicken. She lets out loud, shameless moans in your ear, your breath hot on her neck.
You lift her thigh as your hips begin to lose their rhythm, becoming more erratic and rough.
Her sons grow louder and she claws at your back.

“Oh... fuck” you moan into her neck as her hands cling to your body.

The sounds of humidity fill the room. Your hips are now shaking, your breathing heavy and panting, you lift your head to look at her, running your fingers through her sweaty red hair and lowering your hand to her neck, you put a little pressure there.

“Fuu-... I'm close...” she says, moving her hips against you.

The sounds are almost pornographic at this point. You can't tell where your moans end and hers begin, as everything is lost in moans and no skin-to-skin slapping. One of your hands goes down to rub her clit, trying desperately to push her to the limit too.

“I-...close” she moans, then convulses against you.You pound into her a few more times, helping her ride out her orgasm before pulling out, laying down next to her.

Her body is sweaty and her chest heaves as she tries to catch her breath. You lift an arm to cover your eyes. Natasha can’t do much more than turn her head to you and drag her hand down your chest.
Your head lolled to the side, opening your eyes to look at her, one of your hands covering hers, intertwining your fingers. You turn your body sideways to face her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Are you okay? Wasn’t I too rough?” you ask as you pull the covers over the both of you. Natasha nods, running her fingers down your arm.

“Just sore” she says softly. Your nose brushes against her temple.

“Take a rest, I’ll clean us up”

“Thanks, love…”

You smile and kiss her forehead, pulling yourself away so you can sit up and slide the strap off your legs.
You go to the bathroom, wipe the strap off and set it aside for now, before cleaning yourself up and coming back with a damp cloth in your hand, gently running the cloth between Natasha’s thighs, down her chest and neck, knowing she can’t rest while she’s feels stuck.

“Come here…” she mumbles with her eyes closed “a nap before you make dinner, I haven’t forgotten yet”

You smile, rolling your eyes, then crawling under the covers and wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her against your chest.

Life was good.

After a hot shower, you both head back to the kitchen, you getting ready to start dinner while she goes to answer the door.

"Ah, there you are!" you say with a baby voice to the cat you and Natasha adopted as soon as you moved in together. The animal meows and willingly accepts when you pick it up, heading towards the kitchen where Yelena appears with Natasha.

"Don't you have a house?" you complain to tease your sister.

"What can I do? I miss my older sisters so much!" the blonde says as you serve food for your cat, giving her a incredulous gaze. "Okay, fine, I came for dinner! Kate and I eat fast food every day! I need fresh food... I brought wine!"

Clint was right, Kate and Yelena, despite not getting along at first, ended up becoming inseparable. They decided to move in together a year ago, and things seem to be going well.
As the night falls, the kitchen fills with the delicious smell of dinner prepared by you and Yelena - she chopped a carrot -, Natasha drinks wine and strokes your cat, the sound of laughter echoing through the halls as you all talk about everything.

The whole time you couldn't help but look at Natasha, you couldn't help but feel your chest swell with love every time you looked at her. You feel so lucky to have her, finally have her. You want to spend the rest of your life with her, and you want her to know that.
At one point you all even had a video call with Alexei and Melina, the two of them also decided to rest together after so many years of running. You played some board games, and when it was time to sleep, Yelena got up to go back to her apartment.

"Are you sure you don't want to sleepover?" you ask, fixing the blonde's now short hair.

"No, if I leave Kate alone with two dogs for too long, I might come back to the apartment being on fire" she says with a fake sigh, you smile, hugging her tightly.

"Call us when you get home" you whisper in her shoulder, and step away so the redhead can say goodbye too.

You leave your glasses in the sink, washing them when you feel two arms around your waist. You sigh, snuggling into Natasha's embrace, she leaves small kisses on your neck, burying her face in your curls and sliding her hands over your shirt to your warm belly. She smells your post-shower scent, smells your shampoo and your moisturizer, she feels safe there, feels safe with you. You turn in her arms, hugging her neck.

"A penny for your thoughts?" you ask, tucking a few strands of Natasha's hair away from her face.

"I wanna dance" she says softly, earning a laugh from you.

"Wanna dance? Okay, let's dance..." your voices are low to match the mood in the kitchen. The warm light from a few lamps and the music coming from the now empty living room.

You sway slowly, almost stopping, but you dance, a dance of your own. Your foreheads rest together, Natasha traces patterns on your back under the fabric and you run your nails over her nape.
Peace is in the air, at this moment, nothing else matters. You pull away, looking deep into emerald eyes, seeing all your love reflected back at you.

"Marry me" Natasha stops immediately as you say that.

"What?"

"Marry me" you repeat. "I want to spend the rest of my days with you. You're the most extraordinary person I know, you brought light to every dark moment I've had in my life" you hold her shocked face, opening your heart completely. "I love you, Natasha Romanoff. My heart, made of metal or not, beats for you. Marry me?"

Natasha doesn't respond. For an illogical second, you think you've made a mistake, that it's too early, that she doesn't want the same thing as you.
Then Natasha is kissing you, hard and full of passion. She never thought she would be loved as you love her, she never thought she would be proposed to.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a ring yet" you cut the kiss to say, but the redhead couldn't care less. You walk over to a flower in the vase on the counter, carefully tearing off a little stem, you wrap it and tie it, kneeling in front of the disbelieving former Avenger.

"Natasha Romanoff, would you give me the honor of being my wife?"

"It's all I want most" she says, before jumping back on you for a loving kiss.

You spent the rest of that night and many others planning the wedding, your family and friends were ecstatic, Yelena made a point to comment on how long it took.
Everything was love during those days, everything you spoke, thought, and lived, was love. You didn't want it to end.

Melina and Yelena took the lead in organizing - Alexei was banned because he wouldn't stop crying.
You looked for the perfect venue, visiting beautiful gardens, wineries, and secluded beaches. But the most special thing for you was choosing the dress, the first time you saw Natasha in her dress, your heart stopped, you were speechless, not a single word.

"Do you like it?" Natasha questioned at your dumbstruck expression.

"You're breathtaking..." you spoke softly, approaching her.

You feel like an idiot for how tears fill your eyes now. You've waited to see this your whole life. Natasha doesn't shame you for your tears, she smiles and wipes them from your face.

.

"You're beautiful" you say again before lifting her in your arms in the middle of the store, holding her in a bridal style. "My wife is beautiful!" you tell everyone in the store, Natasha laughs at your antics, and everyone around applauds your love.

It didn't take long for you to have everything organized. Venue, dresses, cake, and guest list. It would be an intimate ceremony, for family, the rescued widows, you sent an invitation to Isaac's family.
Natasha planned to invite the ex-Avenger colleagues too, hoping they could set aside their differences and enjoy this moment.

The ceremony would be at Clint's farm, you and Natasha didn't think of a more appropriate place. It would be next month, now you just had to wait.

You were typing on your notebook when Natasha came to you on the balcony, the house you lived in was modern and modestly luxurious. In the city.

There weren't a hundred fruit trees or armchairs on the porch, but you were working on that. You quickly close the notebook when your fiance approaches, receiving a suspicious look.

"I'm writing my vows" you explain, receiving a fond laugh from the former Avenger.

"I'm going to meet Lena, she's going on a new mission, are you coming?" the redhead approaches, giving you a kiss.

"Hmm no, I'm too into this to leave now, but tell her I wished her good luck, and she'd better take care of herself or we'll revoke her from being our maid of honor”

"You're evil... I like that!"

Natasha gives you one last kiss before leaving, and you return to work. A few hours later, you're preparing tea, the night is beginning to fall, and the front door is abruptly opened, a nervous Natasha passing through it.

"Babe?" you call out to her, but she doesn't stop to listen to you, heading straight for the office.

You calmly knock at the door, Natasha is hunched over the desk, breathing heavily. You wait, she looks tiredly at you, extend her hand, only then do you approach.

"Is something wrong? Is Yelena okay?"

"She's fine, I helped her prepare for the mission and she left" you patiently wait for her to continue, massaging the palm of her hand. "But while I was there... Steve called me, Wanda and Vision were attacked, he wants us to regroup”

"Is that what you want?" you don't suggest anything in your tone, just trying to make things clear for Natasha. She's been keeping in touch with her former teammates, ready to return to action if necessary, but you know she's moved on. Natasha has been occupying all her time to help the rescued widows, to reconnect with her family, with you, to live her own life. You want her to have the choice.

"Part of me wants to leave all this behind, wants to focus on myself, on us” she says honestly “but another part of me feels obligated”

"You're not obligated to anything” you feel like you need to intervene. "You have every right to think of yourself without feeling selfish or disloyal, you've done enough”

You speak honestly because you know exactly what she's feeling, this fear that it will end, the good life, the happiness.
Natasha doesn't want to risk losing it now, after it took her so long to achieve. But you also know the woman she is, Natasha is infinitely better than you, she always has been. More loyal, kinder, that's why you know she would never forgive herself if she let it pass.

"Okay, when are we going?" Natasha looks amazed at your question.

"I could never ask you that” she says.

"Do you want me to go?" you look deep into her eyes, in a way that leaves her unable to lie. And for the first time, Natasha allows herself to be a little selfish.

"I would really like that” she says, sounding fragile. You pull her into a tight hug, doing what you can to ease her from this sensitive moment. You would never leave her alone. "I don't know what we're going to face..."

"Then let's find out together”

Chapter Text

“Thank you for taking care of it while we’re away” you say as you leave your kitten in Melina's care.

“Oh, it’s no problem! Lately, I’ve only been spending time with your dad and the pigs, so it’ll be nice to have some new company” the woman comments, her expression turning worried as she looks at Natasha in the car. “How is she?”

“Shaken, but you know your daughter, she’s good to everyone except herself” you continue, watching the anxious woman in the passenger seat, not noticing Melina approaching and holding your face.

“You all are” the woman says with a hint of pride in her eyes. “How are you?”

“I’m fine” you try to sound as certain as possible, but Melina sees through you and sighs heavily. “If the love of your life were running into an unknown battle that she doesn’t want to be part of, and you couldn’t stop her, how would you feel?”

Devastated, scared, threatened. The woman could have said all that if she knew what you were talking about. Melina doesn’t think she’s ever had a love like the one you and Natasha have; few people ever do, so she stays quiet.

“I just wish I had said goodbye to Yelena when I had the chance…” you say with regret, reaching into your vest pocket. “In case I don’t come back, give this to her” you place a USB drive in the woman’s hand. Melina stares at the object before abruptly refusing, trying to shove it back into your hand.

“Don’t say that, you will come back, both of you will” the woman says, and it’s so new for you to see her as a genuinely concerned mother.

“You know that in our line of work, we can’t afford to leave things for later, Mae” calmly, you try to maintain control of the situation, but she only seems more desperate.

“I’ll go with you, and Alexei, we can call the widows” holding the frightened woman’s arms, you try to calm her.

“The widows? They’ve just been rescued, Mae, they are no longer weapons. And Alexei? The poor man can’t even throw a kick without dislocating his hip, and everyone needs you, everyone needs you to take care of them, you need to stay with Yelena... she’s the best we have” you solidify your words with a confident smile. “I will do everything to make sure Natasha returns, and she’ll do the same for me. We will come back”.

You leave a sweet kiss on Melina’s cheek. You never thought you’d see tears in the woman’s eyes, but you leave her with tears in her eyes behind you, and it’s only when you’re far enough away that she notices the USB drive in her pocket.
She grips it tightly; she’s never prayed, she’s a scientist, but just this once, she prays to whatever is out there that her girls come back home.

Natasha smooths out the vest Yelena gave her upon learning of the mission, even though her older sister hadn’t allowed her to go, Lena still wanted Natasha to take a part of her with her.
You drive in silence for the rest of the time, not an uncomfortable silence despite the clear anguish of the Avenger, a good silence, for there is much noise ahead.

You park in front of what used to be the Avengers’ headquarters and wait. Natasha grabs your hand, she looks at you, with anyone else she would be looking out the window, avoiding showing the uncertainty in her exhausted expression, but it’s you, you’ve seen this same expression so many times, so many vulnerable moments until now.
This tired expression, of a lifetime of fighting, this expression that asks: Can’t we rest?

A group approaches, you squeeze her hand, you wouldn’t leave her side. Natasha is the first to get out, immediately embracing the man who greets her warmly.
You’ve heard many things about the famous Captain America, but being in his iconic presence is something entirely different.

“I like the beard” Natasha comments, trying to lighten the mood. The Captain smiles politely, pausing for just a second when he sees you. He doesn’t question anything, if you’re with the Widow, it means she trusts you, and if she trusts you, he trusts you too.

“Steve Rogers, a pleasure to meet you” he says, shaking your hand firmly, unable to hide his glance at your arm.

“Captain, it’s a pleasure. My dad beat you in a fight” you comment, returning the handshake. The man looks confused, and Natasha steps in to explain.

“Steve, this is Y/N… we met in the Red Room, we worked together… she’s my fiancée” you don’t think you’ve seen Natasha this nervous since she introduced you to Clint.

The fields were green and tranquil, offering a serene contrast to the chaotic world they live in. You, Natasha, and Yelena approach the farmhouse. You and Lena exchange glances about how apprehensive Natasha seems, reaching the porch and quickly knocking on the door.

“Remember: he’s like a brother to me, which means he might be a bit protective, but he’ll like you” Romanoff says, smoothing her clothes.

“Nat… I’m not worried” you respond kindly, and the woman turns back to the door.

“I know, and you don’t need to be… I just… I’ve never introduced someone I love to another person I love, it’s… new” you discreetly turn to Yelena, sharing a small smile. “And you behave!” Natasha turns one last time to admonish her younger sister, who looks indignant.

The door finally opens, and a man you can only describe as a family man appears. Clint Barton greets Natasha with a heartfelt hug.

“Where have you been, my friend? The kids keep asking about you”.

“Oh, you know! Here and there, changing my hair, destroying human trafficking institutions, the usual” Natasha shrugs, and the man looks at you both with a friendly smile.

“And you must be Y/N and Yelena, I’ve heard all about you” he says, shaking your hand firmly.

“It’s an honor to meet someone so important to Natasha” you say, wrapping an arm around Natasha, pulling her close.

“Yeah, I’ve taken care of her”

“We’ve taken care of each other” Natasha interjects, and the man happily turns to Yelena.

“Barton, can I use your bow-” a young girl stops at the door, looking at all of you with wide, blue eyes. She’s especially shocked to recognize Natasha.

“Oh my God, it’s the Black Widow… I’ll never get used to this” she murmurs to herself, coughing loudly and composing herself before approaching Natasha. “Kate Bishop, I’m Hawkeye’s partner” she introduces herself confidently, with Clint rolling his eyes behind her.

“Thank you for keeping this old man in line, Kate Bishop” Natasha says politely, and you can see Kate struggling not to fangirl too much.

“Why is she pretending she’s not impressed? That’s not cool” Yelena grumbles in your ear, a small smile escaping you. You can tell your little sister didn’t take a liking to the brunette.

“Let’s go inside. Laura and the kids are eager to see you and meet the girls”

The first person you meet is Clint’s wife, Laura, who has brown hair and a warm smile, approaching to greet you.

“It’s so good to see you, it’s been a while” she says, hugging Natasha tightly. It’s comforting to see Natasha surrounded by love.
While you and Yelena introduce yourselves, you hear hurried footsteps from the back door. Three enthusiastic kids appear, these must be Lila, Cooper, and Nathaniel, who throw themselves at Natasha.

“Auntie Nat!”

“Hey kids! Did you miss me?” they all excitedly confirm, and Natasha laughs openly. “Let me introduce you. This is Yelena… aunt Nat’s sister” Yelena, unlike you and Natasha, isn't good with children, so she limits herself to a wave and a stiff smile. “And this is Y/N, my girlfriend”

The three children’s eyes widen in awe, forming little "O" shapes with their mouths as they look at you.
“Hi, everyone!” you say, feeling shy under their attention.
And then the questions begin; kids are curious.

“Are you a hero too?” Lila asks, and Natasha steps in to save you.

“She is. She helped me defeat a very bad man” Natasha takes Yelena’s hand “both of them helped me”

The room fills with impressed sounds that bring smiles to all the adults. The questions and requests for attention don’t stop.
Clint decides it’s time to give you all a breather and approaches the excited group, picking up Nathaniel. It’s good to finally meet the “Little Traitor” Nat often talks about.
Laura invites you all for lemonade on the porch, and everyone happily heads outside on the warm day.
But of course, their aunt couldn’t stay away for long, and soon the children are calling Natasha to the yard.

Kate also timidly approaches Yelena, trying to start a conversation. You watch your little sister repeating the girl's name in a heavy accent to intimidate her just for fun.
Impressively, the brunette seems truly fearless, and before you know it, she and your sister are almost amicably discussing New York’s tourist spots.

You take a moment to look at this life, peaceful, predictable, and overflowing with love.
You glance at Natasha, sitting on the grass while the kids show her their drawings.
The Avenger reveals a lighter, more relaxed side that rarely appears. Your heart fills with warmth, seeing Natasha so naturally happy with the children. It’s a tender image that deeply touches you, so unique and special.

“I know how you’re feeling right now” Clint says beside you, Laura lovingly holds his hand.

“I don’t want to be rude, Clint, but I don’t think anyone knows” the man smiles, looking fondly at his longtime friend.

“At this exact moment, you’re looking at her, thinking about how great she is with them, and it’s true. Seeing her like this, makes you think about the future, that she’d be a good mother, and that you want that, you want a family with her”

In that moment, you agree with everyone who says Clint is an excellent spy.
The idea of building a family with Natasha has come up in your mind many times, imagining what it would be like to wake up next to Natasha every day, with kids running around the house.
You know Natasha thinks about it too, she feels guilty for not being able to have children, even though that choice was taken from her. So, you don’t bring up the idea, you’ll let her come to you when she’s ready.

“And you agree with that? I mean, you don’t even know me…” the man smiles again, looking at his wife.

“Do you know the first time I heard about you?” you shake your head, curious. “We were in Budapest, a tough mission, it drained us. It was my turn to keep watch, and while she slept, Natasha said something. She just kept repeating a name… your name, Y/N, always your name. When she finally told me about you, she said you saved her life”

You look suprised at Natasha, she shifts her attention from Nathaniel in her lap to you, smiling as she waves the little one’s hand.

“I didn’t know anything about you, still don’t, but you’ve always been her guardian angel” Clint says beside you.

The scene shifts after dinner, with Natasha chatting with Clint on the porch, and you enjoying time with the kids near the barn.
Nathaniel had fallen asleep a while ago and was carried to bed by his mother. Lila shows you her skills with a mini bow given by her father, and Cooper hangs on your arm, fascinated by the metal.
Natasha watches in admiration this maternal side of you that enchants her. Clint catching her attention, signing in ASL so you wouldn’t hear with your enhanced hearing.

“She’s good”

“Approved?” the Widow signs back with a playful laugh.

“Approved”

Natasha feels a validation of her own hopes, seeing Clint and Laura’s acceptance reinforces the idea that building a family with you is not only possible but would be something beautiful.
However, insecurities also arise. You had the experience of having a family, of being a mother and a wife, and it was taken from you in the worst way possible. That’s why Natasha won’t say anything. She’ll let you come to her when you’re ready.

From that day on, visiting the farm became a regular occurrence, taking time to relax and breathe fresh air away from the city. You quickly became part of the family, grateful for Natasha giving you this honor.

Hearing her call you fiancée now never ceases to be fascinating.
You didn’t know what to expect from the reaction of a man from another era about your very gay relationship, but it’s Captain America, and he seems only pleasantly surprised.

“Fiancée? I hope I get an invite to the wedding”

“If we survive, me too” says another woman, red-haired with a thick accent, you assume this must be Wanda. She and Natasha hug, and soon everyone introduces themselves. “We were on the subway. They attacked us… aliens”

“Aliens?” you ask, though given the robot man in front of you, nothing should surprise you anymore.

“Nice arm” says the man you believe to be Sam Wilson as you all begin to walk.

“Nice wings”

When you reach the final room of the luxurious building, you see a meeting taking place. A man is discussing something with a few holograms.
You recognize him as James Rhodes, and the government agent he’s speaking with doesn’t look happy, growing even less so upon seeing you all.

“Mr. Secretary” the Captain greets him politely, and the hologram turns to you.

“You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that” the man says.

“You should have some too” Natasha responds firmly. You can’t help but smile, that’s your girl.

“The world is attacked, and you think everything is forgiven?” the Secretary asks the Captain.

“I’m not here for forgiveness, and I’m far from asking permission. Earth is without its best defender. We’re here to fight, and if you want to stand in the way, we’ll face you” the Captain declares, making you think there’s no way Alexei ever won a fight against this guy. The Secretary falls silent, retreating to his position, but he stops to stare at you.

“Indeed, Rhodes, if your goal was to ally with the worst creatures on Earth, you’ve reached a new low now” he says seriously, approaching you “the war machine, the beast that destroyed armies… the Winter Soldier”

“I don’t answer to any of those names anymore” you speak firmly, making the secretary laugh before returning to Rhodes.

“Arrest them” he orders, glaring at you “and eliminate her, for everyone’s sake”

“Absolutely” Rhodes says, ending the connection. “Good to see you, Captain!” he greets the man and then hugs Natasha, giving you a firm handshake afterward “the worst creature on Earth, huh?”

“I’m overrated” you smile politely.

“Guys…” Rhodes turns to everyone with a nostalgic air “you all look terrible. Must’ve been tough years”

Even after the Avengers disbanded, the government didn’t take kindly to those who stayed silent about their unfriendly proposal. And if the government doesn’t like you, you become an enemy.
Sam is commenting about hotels when another man enters the room, disheveled and lost, stopping when he sees Natasha.

“Hey, Bruce…” Natasha says, her expression lighting up with genuine surprise and a touch of nostalgia.

As Bruce approaches, the tension between him and Natasha is palpable.
You feel a bit embarrassed by the way everyone is glancing at you, expecting you to do something that you don’t know what it’s.

“Nat…” the man says, and they exchange shy looks and hesitant smiles.

“Awkward…” Falcon remarks, and even though you’re all adults, superhumans, a witch, and spies, it is, indeed, awkward.

Natasha turns to you, her eyes filled with tenderness and slight concern. You smile reassuringly.
During the meeting, you remain silent, having no idea what most of the discussion is about. They talk about Clint, Ant-Man, and Spider-Man, the latter two intriguing you. But what truly catches your attention is when Bruce talks about Thanos.
Things start getting serious when Vision offers to sacrifice himself for humanity, but for that, he needs Wanda, and Wanda never could.

“We don’t trade lives” the Captain says, and a long discussion ensues until Bruce suggests a solution. There’s a possibility the stone can be destroyed, and Vision can still survive, but it can’t be done there. That’s when the Captain suggests Wakanda.

Natasha has told you about Wakanda, its wealth, unparalleled technology, its king T'Challa, and his greatness.
So that’s it, you’re heading to Wakanda.

Everyone starts preparing for the trip, each going to their own corner to get ready for what’s coming.
You approach Natasha because she’s good at hiding it from everyone else, but not from you - the stress, the fear.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, making sure only she can hear. God forbid anyone know that Natasha Romanoff isn’t perfectly fine in an overwhelming and unpredictable situation.

“I am…” she replies softly, returning to straightening Yelena’s vest. “Look, about Bruce…” she intertwines her fingers with yours, and you gently stop her, kissing her hand.

“We have enough to worry about, let’s not let this get in the way, okay? I don’t want you to think about it. I trust you, and I trust us” you say, kissing her ring finger where an engagement ring will soon be. Natasha sighs in relief, the last thing she needed was you having a jealousy crisis in the middle of a war. Any other words of comfort you might say are interrupted when Bruce approaches.

“We haven’t been introduced. I’m Bruce Banner” he extends his hand to you.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Banner” you accept the handshake, everyone around watches, as if expecting a brawl. “I’m Y/N” you say, leaving anything further to Natasha.

“Y/N is my fiancée” she states. Natasha doesn’t say this to make Bruce jealous or anything else, she says it because you are her fiancée. Simple as that.

“Oh!” Bruce stammers in surprise “t-that’s great! I’m happy for you!” he says nervously, shaking your hand. A not-so-small part of you feels victorious, he lost a great woman.

Rhodes appears and informs everyone that the ship is ready. You all waste no time in boarding. Natasha takes your hand again, it’s not common for her to show so much vulnerability, but she needs you, and the world is on the brink, so honestly? Screw it.

You help Sam lay Vision down on the seats at the back and stay with them. Wanda joins you, never leaving the side of the man, or robot—you’re still confused about that—she loves.

“What you did… you weren’t wrong” you say at one point during the trip “if I were in your situation, I wouldn’t have been able to do it either” you say with compassion, hoping Wanda understands she did nothing wrong. Regardless of what happens or the consequences, she wasn’t wrong to choose the one she loves. She seems very grateful to hear this.

“How did you two meet?” she asks again in her heavy accent, perhaps just wanting a distraction.

“We were both raised by the Red Room. We reconnected after a few years”

“And fell in love?” she asks with an almost childlike innocence. Your chest quickly fills with affection for Wanda, she reminds you of Yelena, determined and a bit lost, just needing love.

“I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. Do you know how it happened?” Wanda nod, becoming more interested. “She beat me up!” a laugh escapes Wanda, drawing the attention of everyone around. It’s good to see her laugh. You continue your story.

The cold lights of the Red Room illuminated the training arena, the older widows had decided to test you and another girl.
You were to be put into combat. You were nervous, hands trembling as you tried to prepare for the fight.
Across the arena, a girl with bright red hair entered. Her green eyes glowed with a mix of determination and nervousness. She looked small and fragile, but there was something about her that you couldn’t ignore.

When the signal to start the fight was given, you and the girl began circling each other. The blows were exchanged hesitantly at first, both of you clearly more concerned about getting hurt than winning the fight.
There was a moment when your eyes met, and for a second, the world around seemed to disappear. You saw the same uncertainty and fear in her eyes. And in that instant, a silent understanding passed between you.

You were truly alike, equally skilled, so similar that neither could bring the other down. Until the girl tripped and fell to the ground, letting out a small groan of pain.
You knew what you had to do: you knew you needed to advance and take advantage, that you needed to attack. But you couldn’t. You stood there, watching her.

“Get up, Natalia!” one of the widows ordered.

Natalia. So that was her name. Natalia looked at you as if asking what to do, as if expecting you to do something. You nodded in encouragement, and she got back up.
You continued fighting, and it went on for what felt like hours.
Each movement was careful, almost protective, as if you already knew that hurting each other was not an option.

Then it was your turn to fall. And if you were brave not to attack, Natalia was even braver to extend her hand to help you up.

That first meeting during the fight was the beginning of an innocent and deep love that would continue to grow over the years.
That was how you met her.
Intense. Brave. Kind. Natalia.

"Not a moment has passed since then that I haven't loved her” you finish, your eyes full of love. Wanda smiles at you knowingly.

"I remember you letting me win that fight” you hear over your comm, completely forgetting about it. You look around, wide-eyed, seeing everyone watching you with smiles. Natasha is looking at you, cheeks flushed and eyes shining.

"Oh great, you all heard…” you stand up embarrassed, walking around the ship.

"Don't worry, it was cute!" Sam comments in a sugary voice, only making your embarrassment worse. Steve comes to your rescue.

"Vibranium?" he points to your arm.

"Yeah, my mom made it for me” you try to regain your composure after saying the most childish thing in front of Captain America. "I also have the super serum!" Steve looks genuinely surprised.

"Wait, so you have a cool arm and the super serum? Captain, she’s got you beat on this one!" Sam chimes in again, earning a nudge from Natasha. Steve smiles, patting your shoulder before returning to his place You approach Natasha, and this time she remembers to turn off the communicator.

"What you did for Wanda was really nice” she says, taking your hand. You two simply can't stay away from each other anymore.

"She's just a kid” you look at the young witch with concern.

"I couldn't do it either” Natasha says after a few seconds, you look at her puzzled. "If they asked me to choose between you and the world, I’d choose you. I’d always choose you”

Natasha admits, and rest her forehead on your. You remain silent for the rest of the journey, exchanging small comforting touches until you land.
Natasha leaves with Steve, and you stay behind with Sam.

"Let me ask you something, doesn’t it bother you?" you look at Falcon, confused. "Your girl and her exes...” he tries to tease, but before you can respond, the door opens and you hear Bruce talking to Rhodes.

"Do we have to bow?" Bruce asks.

"Of course, he’s a king” Rhodes replies. Steve and Natasha are the first to greet the king, and then Bruce bows.

"We don’t do that here” T'Challa says humbly, and Rhodes laughs at his friend.

"I’m not worried” you say to Sam, and you all head inside.

T'Challa's sister, Shuri, quickly gets to work. The good news is she can do it, the bad news is she needs time, and you don't know how much time you have.
The next few hours are marked by a tense atmosphere, preparing physically and mentally for what’s to come, without knowing what’s to come. In the heart of Wakanda, the battlefield is being set up.
The air is electric, Wakandan soldiers led by Okoye lining up with purpose in their serious, focused expressions. Captain America moves through the area offering words of encouragement, a stable anchor amidst the impending chaos.

You watch everything with a knot in your stomach, carefully equipping yourself, feeling the weight of the weapons and the uniform against your skin. Beside you, Natasha is focused, reviewing strategies and exchanging determined looks with her allies.
You share a moment of silence where a simple look says all that needs to be said: we’re in this together.

You step away for a bit, moving to a corridor and looking out at the scene through a large window. The environment is filled with noises: the hum of advanced technologies, the metallic sound of armor, murmurs and conversations. Prayers and pleas.

You feel a hand in yours, and Natasha is by your side. You’re scared, and you know she is too.
For years you wished to die, paralyzed on that bed, asking the scientists, the guards, the widows, asking God or whatever to take you out of that suffering.
When you fled from Owen’s house, inside that car you asked to die. When Natasha and Yelena fell from the sky, you asked to die. But now everything has changed, now you want to live, no matter the way as long as Natasha is by your side.

"Marry me?" the question catches you off guard, making you stutter.

"What?!"

"Marry me. Now. Let's make it official”

"But Nat... we don't have anything, no ceremony, no one to officiate, we don't even have Yelena! She'll kill us if we do this without her!"

"I know! I know, but she once told me that we're always nearly dying, and that's our job!" she softens her tone, looking deeply into your eyes. "And if that's going to happen today, I want to go without any regrets” you hold her cheeks.

"You're not going to die today! I won't let anything happen to you” the sun is beginning to set on the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and red, illuminating the Avenger's serene face. You sigh, defeated. "We don't have rings” you whisper, watching Natasha open a small pocket on her vest, pulling out a tiny ring made from a flower stem. "You kept this?"

"Lots of pockets. I always have it with me, and I made this one for you” she takes out another stem, not as well-crafted, but you accept it lovingly, tears of joy in your eyes as you look at her.

"Let's get married”

A small group gathers in front of the large window, the golden light of the setting sun casting a majestic glow over the Wakandan landscape. You and Natasha stand facing each other, and T'Challa, with all the authority of a king, assumes the role of officiant.

"We are here today, in the midst of dark times, to celebrate a light that shines even brighter. Natasha and Y/N, about to unite, this is not just an act of love but of courage” you hold hands, your eyes locked onto each other, absorbing every detail.

"I never thought I'd find happiness, or that I was worthy of it, but I've always known that my happiness, my love, and all the good in my life was tied to you. I don’t want to bring down the mood…” you laugh softly "but I need to say that if we’re going through hell today, I’m at peace because I’ve already seen paradise just by having you by my side” Natasha smiles, her gaze overflowing with adoration.

"You are my safe place, always have been, ever since we were kids, and I didn’t even know what love was but already loved you. You show me every day that I can be appreciated in ways I never thought possible. We will go through this hell together, and we will live a full life because we deserve that”

Everyone present is silent, respecting the depth of the moment. Steve, Bruce, the other Avengers, and the residents of Wakanda watch with touched expressions. Even amidst the battle preparations, they find a brief refuge in the joy of this moment. T'Challa then asks:

"Natasha Romanoff, do you take her to be your wife?"

"Yes, I do” Natasha responds, her voice firm. Then the king turns to you.

"Do you take Natasha Romanoff to be your wife?"

"Yes, I do” you say, your heart overflowing with love.

You exchange those makeshift rings
"By all that is sacred and true, I declare you married” T’Challa announces.

Natasha pulls you into a kiss filled with promises. There are cheers and smiles among everyone gathered, a fleeting moment of hope amidst the chaos. You and Natasha look at each other, full of love, you did it! Those two little girls, with only each other in the Red Room, would be proud.

An explosion rocks the force field around you, reminding everyone of the true reason they're here.
"Majesty, it's time” one of the warriors announces, and reluctantly, everyone begins to disperse around you.

You and Natasha linger a bit longer, hugging, eyes locked. The innocence of seconds ago has vanished, replaced by a sense of loss. You kiss her gently once more, resting your forehead against hers.

"We will win, we'll go home” you promise, and Natasha believes you.

The Black Panther and Natasha lead the army, and the Captain prepares to go with them, taking a moment to speak with you.

"You’re a great woman, Y/N, I’m glad Natasha found you” he says, shaking your hand firmly, like two allies in war, like two friends.

"The honor is all mine, Captain” you reply, looking at the Widow organizing the troops ahead.

“Please, call me Steve. Before we head into battle, I’d like to offer you something” he says, his expression serious. You look at him, intrigued. “Allow me to induct you as an Avenger, so we can fight side by side under this honorable title” you smile at him, touched by the gesture.

“Thank you, Steve, but I already have an even more honorable title”

“And what would that be?”

“Natasha Romanoff's wife”

And that’s the only title you need.
You and the Captain watch as Natasha and T’Challa take their positions. Steve smiles at you before stepping away, exchanging one last respectful nod.
The king, the Captain, and the Widow step forward to communicate with the enemy. You can’t hear anything until they start coming back.

“Did you come to an understanding?” you ask the Captain as he stands beside you.

“I wouldn’t say that” he replies, and you glance over to see Natasha already looking at you. You know she feels guilty, that you’re here because of her, because she was selfish. You squeeze her hand for just a moment, letting her know there’s no other place you’d rather be. And then, everyone waits in silence.

Hearts are heavy, the air thick with tension, each breath harder than the last. Glances are exchanged, some nods of camaraderie, of farewell, of it-was-good-to-fight-beside-you.

Every sound seems amplified, testing your nerves. Fear is palpable, lodged in the stomach of everyone there, even the strongest. But beside that fear is determination, a commitment to everyone by your side, a commitment to your planet.
A commitment to the people waiting for you at home, you want to return to Yelena, Melina, and Alexei, you want Natasha to come back to them.
The attack begins, the force field holding back whatever it is.

“What is that?” you ask, confused.

“I think she’s getting nervous” Natasha comments about the leader of the creatures.

The force field holds only for a few moments, and soon the enemies break through towards you. You're on the front line, your metal arm gleaming in the African sun, and you start firing. It’s been a long time since you held a gun, but you’ll always remember how to aim well.

“Captain, if those things get around us, there will be nothing between them and Vision” Bruce comments.

“Then let’s keep them in front of us” Steve says grimly, knowing what it means.

“Open the barrier” the King orders.

“This will be the end of Wakanda”

“The noblest end of all”

“Wakanda forever!”

And you all start running. You, Steve, and T’Challa lead the charge, leaping straight into the creatures.

The battlefield is a scene of chaos and destruction, with explosions reverberating in the air and battle cries echoing all around. As you fight with all your strength against the enemies, your mind is constantly divided, part of it always focused on Natasha. Every time you dodge a blow or take down an enemy, your eyes instinctively search for her.
At the same time, there’s a silent confidence between you two. You know Natasha is someone who has survived countless battles before. This confidence is a balm, a reminder that she has the skills to protect herself.

There comes a moment when Natasha disappears from your sight, and panic grips you. Your heart races as you desperately search for her among the fighting.
The Children of Thanos lead the charge, sinister figures exuding power and malevolence. You spot Proxima Midnight, the fierce-eyed warrior with sharp blades, advancing with cold determination. Your eyes meet, and you know this will be your fight.

You run towards her, Proxima Midnight hurls her spear at you with deadly precision. You sidestep, your metal arm intercepting the weapon and deflecting it with a metallic clang.
The battle is fierce. You deliver a series of quick and blows, each movement calculated to keep Proxima Midnight at bay. She responds with equally lethal attacks.
> In a moment of distraction, Proxima Midnight manages to strike your side with a sharp blade, the searing pain making you vulnerable, allowing her to throw you aside, and you might be hallucinating because at that moment, the sky darkens. What was a sunny day becomes overcast as something falls from the sky, burning everything around. A man appears, along with him a raccoon and a tree.

But everyone is celebrating. He’s asking for Thanos. You pull yourself together, recovering your weapon and firing around when the raccoon appears, and you’re no longer surprised when he starts talking.

“Bring it on, space dogs!” he yells, shooting. You grab him by the collar, spinning as you both fire, making a great annihilation duo.

“How much for the gun?” he asks as you let him go.

“It’s not for sale!” you reply, focusing on shooting.

“Okay, how much for the arm?!”

You don't respond, giving him a look before walking away.

Just then, you see Wanda joining the battle, using her powers to decimate a large portion of the enemy army, drawing Proxima Midnight's attention.
You rush over as you see Wanda get hit, and finally, you see Natasha. She’s unharmed, and a sigh of relief escapes your lips.

“He will die alone, just like you” Proxima Midnight says to the injured girl.

“She’s not alone” Natasha says from behind her, and the creature turns to see you, Natasha, and Okoye. The three of you form a defensive line around Wanda.

“Haven’t you had enough?” Proxima Midnight sneers at you, pointing to your wound, which Natasha notices with concern.

“I won’t falter this time”

Okoye attacks first, Proxima Midnight blocks the strike with ease, but before she can counter, Natasha is already moving, delivering a series of quick kicks and punches that force her to retreat.
You push Proxima Midnight back. Okoye lands a blow with her spear, cutting deeply into Proxima's arm, making her scream in pain. Taking advantage of the opening, Natasha delivers an electric shock with her Widow's Bite.

Yet, Proxima Midnight manages to push them out of her way, leaving you and her facing off once again.

Proxima Midnight strikes your metal arm, breaking her spear in the process, then pins you down, pressing the broken spearhead against your chest. You fight with all your strength, trying to hold back the spear as it inches closer.

“You’re getting slow” she taunts, a sharp smile on her face.

“Maybe you’re exactly where I want you” you grunt, deflecting the spear and slamming it into the ground beside you. You seize the moment and elbow her in the face, stunning her. You shift your hips, freeing your legs, and kick her in the abdomen, sending her flying just in time for one of the discs to slice her in half, splattering you all with purple blood.

“I told you I wouldn’t falter” you pant, looking at Natasha lying beside you.

“Gross” she says, referring to the blood. You smile as Natasha comes over, helping you to your feet.

“You okay?” she looks at your wound.

“I will be” you pull her into a tight hug. Natasha hugs you back. Okoye and Wanda join you, and together you prepare to rejoin the battle.

You catch up with Steve in the forest, and it’s the first time you see him: Thanos.
Wanda is on the other side with Vision, and your heart aches for her. You all attack the titan, but he is untouchable, controlling reality itself.
You join Steve, attacking Thanos from behind, your metal arm clamping around his neck as he struggles to reach Steve kneeling before him.

It only takes one blow from the titan to knock Steve down, he grabs you like a rag doll, making you grunt as he stretches you, ripping the metal arm from you. You fall stunned to your feet when he lets go, and then he hits you with your own arm.
The last thing you see is Wanda destroying the Mind Stone.

When you wake up, Thanos is gone, and everything is eerily quiet.

“Wanda!” you call out, running wobbly to the woman collapsed beside Vision’s lifeless body. Words of comfort are on the tip of your tongue, but before you can say them, Wanda disappears under your touch.

The world seemed to crumble around Natasha. Thanos' snap brought a deadly silence. Friends, allies, people she loved, all disappearing.
As the dust settled, Natasha felt lost, a mix of despair and disbelief overwhelming her. She looked around, her eyes burning with unshed tears, frantically searching for you, the fear of losing you gripping her chest like a relentless vice.

And then, amidst the chaos, her eyes finally found you. You were there, still standing, still solid and real. Natasha ran to you, her heart pounding frantically, as if to ensure you were truly there.
She took you by surprise, appearing out of nowhere and hugging you tightly. Steve, Bruce, Thor, and Rhodes arrived shortly after, all gathering around Vision.

“You’re here” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. Her eyes shone with tears she could no longer hold back, her trembling hands reaching for yours.

“I’m here, my love” you said, trying to push aside your shock, your voice soft and comforting. You held her tighter, feeling her body tremble as she clung to you as if her life depended on it.

"I thought I'd lost you” Natasha whispered, her voice breaking with emotion. You held her face, forcing her to look at you.

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere” Natasha nodded, taking a deep breath as she tried to calm herself.

“Wanda, she…” you try to say what you saw, but you don’t even know what you saw.

“All of them” Steve says heavily, sitting down on the ground.

The battlefield was silent, the air heavy with fine dust and the distant echoes of the last cries of agony. You were all scattered, your faces reflecting the raw reality.

You lost.

Unconsciously, Natasha ran her hand over her green military vest, and immediately, you looked at each other. Serious, with a hint of panic in your eyes. Neither of you spoke for a long time, just looking at each other, too afraid to voice your thoughts.

"She has to be okay” Natasha murmured, her eyes beginning to shine with tears that refused to fall. Feeling the same desperation, you held Natasha's hand, offering her an emotional anchor.

"She’s okay” you try to keep your voice steady. "She’s okay…" you pull Natasha into a hug, unable to look into her eyes as you fail to keep yourself composed, your heart also full of fear.

As the sun set on the horizon, casting a somber shadow over the field, Natasha and you clung to each other, finding fragile solace in each other’s presence. There were no words that could ease the pain of impending loss, the sense of helplessness in the face of the unknown.

A sense of endless despair enveloped you, like a dense fog obscuring any trace of hope.

You lost.

Chapter Text

There was a nursery in the Red Room, you and Natasha used to pass through the air duct and drop right in the middle of the room, just wanting a few minutes, just wanting to see something beautiful, something innocent; a baby's laughter could heal any soul, even the most wounded.
That's when you saw Yelena for the first time. She was the only one awake at that moment, her big, green, curious eyes watching everything.

Then she laughed at you, and it felt like a breath of life. It became your and Natasha's thing, sneaking through the air duct just to see Yelena, to get that breath of fresh air. You didn't know her name yet, so you called her Hope.

Yelena became your hope, the thing that connected you and Natasha. You only discovered her name when they started the tests for a new mission in Ohio. Missions that lasted years were the ones everyone fought for because it meant you would be free from the cold walls of the Red Room.
Yelena, she was the central part of the mission, and you knew you needed to be there too, to protect her, the fragile baby who had been the reason for a few minutes of joy in your days over the past months.

With determination came brutality, you became rougher, almost cruel.
You let yourself be poisoned by the Red Room. You were willing to sacrifice your humanity, to be molded, to do whatever it took to become the best, to be seen, to be chosen.
Then you faced Natasha on the mat, and you knew she thought the same. You had never fought with such fervor before, something between you broke even before the fight started, and neither of you seemed willing to stop.

The other widows watched as if they were enjoying a show, watching you break Natasha's nose and her twisting your ankle, watching you choke each other until both collapsed on the mat, unconscious. When you woke up minutes later, there was no other solution but to send you two.
Maybe you thought this would bring you and Natasha closer again, but no. Both of you were consumed by the Red Room, as you had let yourselves be. You continued to be pitted against each other, as enemies, as a threat. There was only one point of Hope in your relationship now.

You were there when Yelena's first teeth came in, for her first steps, her first words. You taught her to care for plants, to treat animals gently and that it was okay to cry. Natasha taught her to kick hard and see shapes in the clouds. And Yelena learned each of these things.

Over time, you almost forgot why you were there, and sometimes you did. Sometimes you let yourself be carried away by an ideological thought, looking at Yelena and wondering if you could have this for longer. If you would see her learn to ride a bike, go to school, to high school, to college. If you would see her fall in love. If you would see her conquer the world as she conquered you.
Then, on any given Wednesday night, Alexei came home silent, sneaking through the rooms and checking the windows. You were setting the table for dinner when you heard Natasha greet her father.

"Hey, honey” the man ruffled her hair as he reached the table where Melina was serving mac and cheese to your little sister, who was talking non-stop.

It was a brief second, a single look, Natasha didn't seem to notice as Alexei and Melina went to another room, whispering and gesturing. But she knew immediately when her father returned, inviting everyone on a "big adventure”. Yelena eagerly followed the man. You, Natasha, and Melina stayed behind.
The girl with blue hair looked at you, and you had already forgotten what it was like to see her eyes without life or Hope.

"I'm sorry” Melina said, but it didn't matter because you had to keep running.
You sang in the midst of the end, Yelena didn't want to leave your arms, Natasha didn't want to take her from you because she knew it meant you were staying behind. But you knew when you heard that laugh for the first time: you would do anything to keep Yelena safe.

And now it's been five years since your little sister left.

The feeling of leaving the battlefield after a whole day of fighting was... varied. Some felt sadness, others frustration, anger, and the deep desire to turn back time, wondering what they could have done differently. You felt numb.
The sky was tinged with red and gold as the sun set, a scene that seemed inappropriately peaceful after the destruction and chaos you had faced. You were hugging Natasha as you slowly made your way back to the center of Wakanda, avoiding the bodies along the way. Steve was carrying Vision in his arms.

The central building was silent, there was no king anymore. T'Challa was gone. His mother, pained by the loss of a son, could not grieve, she had a kingdom to govern.
You and Natasha remained silent the entire way back, one of Wakanda's subjects being assigned to take you safely to your destination. At the widows' rehabilitation clinic, where chaos prevailed.
Natasha was the first to disembark, anxious, her gaze sweeping the place in search of her sister. The widows stopped, looking at you two, scared, waiting for an explanation.

"We'll find her” you said, trying to offer some comfort “she must be around here somewhere”

You followed the place, offering slight nods to the apprehensive women. The tension was palpable as Natasha squeezed your hand tightly, and then Melina and Alexei appeared.
Both ran to you, hugging you tightly. It was unprecedented how protected you felt being held by your father. You sighed and snuggled against the big man, but when you let go, he was crying.
His eyes were fixed on the screen where names appeared and disappeared, constantly being updated.

"We have an update on Yelena” one of the operators announced. Natasha froze beside you, her fingers squeezing yours. You felt your heart race, hope and fear mixing in a storm of emotions.

"Where is she?" Natasha asked, her voice almost inaudible. The operator looked at you with a somber expression.

"She was one of the affected”

The world seemed to stop. The ground seemed to crumble beneath your feet as the reality of the words sank in. Natasha fell to her knees, her eyes wide with shock and despair.

"No, it can't be” she whispered, her voice broken by pain. You knelt beside her, pulling her into a tight embrace, feeling the hot tears stream down your face "Yelena...” Natasha repeated, as if trying to process what she had heard.

You didn't know how to comfort her, how to comfort yourself. The image of Yelena, the little sister you loved so much, disappearing into thin air was devastating.

"We'll bring her back” you whispered "we'll find a way”

The battle against Thanos had ended, but the fight to restore your lives and your families was just beginning.

Steve, you, Natasha, Rhodes, and Banner were the only ones left. Thor, full of resentment, had to be detained—he humbly accepted to be put in a cell.
You talked about the defeat and your losses. About the "Blip” as they called it, and the widespread chaos it created throughout the universe. You talked about Wakanda and its new emergency reign, about those who remained. You made plans for a return, even though everyone was desolate.

One day, a small, mysterious device left by Nick Fury caught your attention, and one day, a mysterious blonde came from space.
Carol Danvers returned with a ship after much conversation and introductions. From that ship came a blue robot, carrying none other than Tony Stark.

"I couldn't stop him” the Iron Man said.

"Neither could I” Captain America replied with regret.

"I lost the kid” and even though you had no idea what that meant, the pain in the man's voice touched you.

You looked back one last time to see the raccoon and the blue robot holding hands. Tony was immediately taken for care, as he was dehydrated and malnourished. It had been twenty-three days since Thanos had been on Earth.

"Thanos decimated fifty percent of all creatures” Natasha said, the burning in her voice noticeable to everyone, but not to you.

No one knew where he was, no one could find him, and you could tell that the Iron Man was starting to lose patience.

"Until this very second, I thought you were a stuffed animal” he said to the raccoon, who replied.

"Maybe I am”

“And who are you again?” Tony turned to you, standing quietly in the corner.

“I’m Y/N” you introduced yourself simply, unsure of what to say given the delicate nature of the situation.

“She’s my wife” Natasha rescued you.

“Oh… congratulations!” Tony offered, though you could detect a slight hint of irony in his tone. Then, he lost his patience. “I said we were going to lose. You said: we’ll do that together too. And guess what? We lost. And you weren’t there” Rhodes tried to restrain Tony, but he kept advancing towards Steve, leaving what looked like a device from his chest in Steve’s hands before collapsing.

“Great reunion, huh?” you commented, approaching Natasha as you both watched Bruce sedate Tony.

“Yeah, that’s how we are. Are you sure you still want to be part of this?” she replied, trying to maintain her humor.

“Hey… he’ll be okay. You’re family, you’ll sort it out” you reassured her, rubbing her back and kissing her temper as she sighed against your touch.

“Where are you going?” you heard Steve ask, prompting you and Natasha to rush to the other room.

“To kill Thanos” the space woman declared.

“We usually work as a team” Natasha interjected.

“I know space is more your territory, but this fight is ours too” Steve said.

“And do you know where he is?” you challenged, watching the woman examine you up and down.

“I know people who do”

“No need” everyone turned surprised towards the blue robot in the corner of the room.

“I can tell you where Thanos is”

Nebula, you learned, was Thanos's daughter. She and Rocket, the raccoon, traveled together, and how they ended up joining Thor was another story.

“We’re short on people” Banner said cautiously, yet Carol was determined to retrieve everyone with the stones.

“Even if there’s the slightest chance we can undo this, we owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try” Natasha said with conviction, looking directly at you. You nodded in encouragement.
The discussion continued until Thor stood up, almost predatory, approaching the blonde woman, extending his hand, and a powerful ax flew into his grip. Carol merely smirked in return.

“I like this one” Thor declared, and you had a new plan.

“Okay, who here has never been to space?” You, Natasha, Steve, and Rhodes raised your hands. “I don’t want anyone throwing up on my ship”

Nebula initiated the countdown, and the ship blasted off, making everyone cling to their seats.
As the ship glided silently through the vast vacuum of space, you found yourself immersed in a landscape that defied any earthly description. The darkness of the cosmos was punctuated by bright stars that seemed to dance around the ship, creating a light and shadow spectacle that could never be replicated on Earth.
It was as if the universe was revealing its beauty and mystery just for you, offering a completely new perspective on existence and your place within it.
While you observed this stunning scene, a feeling of humility and reverence grew within you. You realized you were witnessing something extraordinary and unique, something few humans had ever experienced. You glanced at Natasha, catching her as enchanted and unprepared as you were. She met your gaze, and for a moment, you shared a small smile.
Suddenly, you thought of Yelena, wondering if she would have made a witty remark or been as awestruck as you both. You wished she had had the opportunity, the honor, to see space like this.
As you waited for Carol to return from her patrol, you overheard Natasha comforting Steve, who was thoughtfully looking at an old photo of a woman.

“It will work, Steve” she said with certainty.

“I know it will” he replied seriously. “Because I don’t know what I’ll do if it doesn’t”

Natasha looked at you; none of you knew.

Carol returned, confirming there were no defenses, nothing. You attacked the small cabin in the middle of a tranquil field. Carol struck first, followed by Banner and Rhodes, and then Thor appeared, cutting off the titan's arm. But the worst happened, the stones were gone, and everyone started losing their minds. Banner went after the mutilated titan until you pulled him away.

“Where are the stones?” Natasha asked, her voice barely showing any emotion. Thanos had destroyed them.

“I am inevitable” he said.

“We have to search everywhere, it must be a lie” Rhodes said, sounding desperate.

“My father is many things, but a liar he is not” Nebula spoke, and only then did the titan seem to notice her presence. Thanos began a remorseful paternal speech, but before he could finish, Thor beheaded him.

“What did you do?” Rocket asked, shocked like everyone else.

“I went for the head” said the God of Thunder, leaving the room and everyone else hopeless.

Five years passed since then.

Everything went back to the way it was. Everything went back to the way it never was.
You returned to the therapy groups, even bringing Steve along. Captain America spoke with sorrow about the love he lost decades ago, he spoke about overcoming.

“The world is ours now. It was left to us, and we have to do something with it” Steve said, and a part of you ached, thinking perhaps he had given up, that you all had.

“Thanks for today, everyone. You were great” you spoke softly, and everyone said their goodbyes as if they didn’t want to leave and go back to their empty homes, as if they had so much more to say. Steve stayed, helping you gather the chairs, watching you from the corner of his eye.

"Are you going there today?" he asks, seeing your brows furrow.

"Um... no, I don’t think so. I need to go back to the widows, we had a new group come in this week...” you say without looking at him, focused on folding the chairs. Steve looks at you with pity, speaking after a few moments.

"She needs you, you know” this makes you stop, filled with sadness.

"She doesn’t want to see me, Steve”

"She doesn’t want to see anyone. You know how she is, as much or even more than I do, she will isolate herself, say she’s fine, but she needs company. She’s not good alone” he says, and your heart aches because you know it’s true.

"Maybe I don’t care anymore” you say with all the conviction you can muster, but the Captain knows better, and the way he looks at you makes you want to take back what you said and finally be honest while averting your gaze to the floor. "I don’t think I can do it anymore. I can’t keep watching her fall out of love with me”

Steve listens with sorrow to what you never share in therapy, he looks at you with a pained expression, saying goodbye before leaving in silence. He knows what it’s like to lose a love.
You stay in that empty gym, trying to organize your feelings. You know it’s time to stop running and face the inevitable. You grab your coat and leave with a destination in mind.

The old Avengers building seems so insignificant now. Tony had the giant "A" removed from the front; there’s no more pride in the title. You take the elevator and pass through empty, neglected rooms, resembling a horror movie scene, but lately, everything seems like that.
There are voices in the meeting room. The first one you see is obviously Natasha, your stomach churns nervously, but you can’t tell if it’s good.
She is talking with four holograms, Nebula and Rocket, Okoye, Carol, and Rhodes. You think about retreating silently, but of course, Natasha notices you. Maybe because she’s a professional spy, maybe because she’s your ex-wife.

The room falls silent as everyone turns to see you frozen in the doorway.

"Hey guys” you say shyly, hands in your pockets and shoulders hunched as you enter the room.

"Y/N!" Rocket is the first to recognize your presence, excited.

"How’s space, buddy?" you smile fondly.

"As beautiful as always. You should accept our invitation someday, take a season among the stars”

Rocket says, and you smile awkwardly. Beside you, Natasha watches the interaction intrigued.
Your relationship with the so-called "Guardians of the Galaxy" began five years ago. It was another afternoon at the Avengers Tower, shortly after everything happened, when everyone still had hope of finding a solution and racking their brains for it.
The Avengers group gathered in a meeting room, the Guardians of the Galaxy too, but when you went to enter, Natasha held your shoulder. She seemed uncertain of her next words.

"Do you mind waiting here?" she asked. She didn’t elaborate much, but you knew her well enough.

The Avengers had always been a unique part of Natasha’s life, a part you never had access to, and you believe Natasha didn’t know how to correlate these two parts yet.
Part of you felt hurt, deeply hurt. The world was ending, and you all needed to come together more than ever, but another part of you, the always passive part, tried to understand that you and Natasha were still distinct human beings with individual lives, and it's important to give and receive space.
The world needed its heroes now, and you were not a Guardian, much less an Avenger, you were just an ex-Widow, a former assassin leading therapy groups.
So you smiled softly.

"Yeah, of course” you said, and sat on a bench in the corridor while waiting. Not even half an hour later, the door opened again, and the raccoon stormed out, grumbling.

"What are you looking at, huh?!" he asked as he passed by, noticing your curious glance. You just offered an apologetic nod and returned to staring out the window. Rocket stood there, watching you “are you really just going to sit there?"

"Natasha asked me to wait” you responded obediently, fidgeting with your fingers. Rocket let out a loud laugh.

"And you do what she asks like a little puppy?" he taunted. You sighed, trying not to let it get to you.

"I'm not her puppy... she needs this time with them, they're her family”

"Believe me, I know what a family is, and that? That's not one!" he said angrily, sitting next to you in front of the large window. "They might be her family, but she's not theirs”

"Do you have a family?" Rocket took a moment to answer your question.

"The Guardians... we weren't perfect but we got along better than that” he nodded toward the room he had just left. "We knew how to listen to each other, you couldn't last an hour in that room... and now Nebula is all I have left…”

Rocket said dejectedly, and you felt an overwhelming urge to comfort him, reaching out to pat his head. Before you could touch him, Rocket slapped your hand surprisingly hard.

"Were you about to pet me like a damn dog?!" he asked indignantly, standing up on the bench.

"No, I wasn't!" you responded nervously, backing away on the bench as he pursued.

"Yes, you were! Do you think I'm a little pet, huh?! Wagging my tail to get a pat on the head?!"

"No! I mean, you are an animal, you are a raccoon but…” and if you thought you'd seen Rocket angry before, he looked absolutely furious now, gripping your shirt collar.

"I'm not a raccoon!" he yelled “next time you call me that or try to pet me, I'll rip off your other arm!"

"Okay... okay... I won't call you that again...I'm sorry...” Rocket breathed rapidly, contemplating his next move. He decided to spare you this time, releasing your shirt and sitting back down beside you.

"I thought you, of all people, would understand what it's like to be built and taken apart without your permission” your heart sank with guilt, Rocket saw the regretful expression on your face. "No, don't make that face like you just kicked your puppy... just give me your arm, and I'll forgive you” you laughed.

"I promise to leave it to you in my will” you said with a smile “but hey, I also have a pretty cool spine”

"That's nothing, my brain is full of screws!”

"Most of my teeth must be fake!"

And it was at that moment, in a fierce competition to see who was more modified—Rocket won this time—that you created a bond. It was almost like a breath of fresh air that hurt to inhale. Rocket didn't like many people, but at that moment, he decided he hated you less than everyone else.
Now, you remained silent as you listened to Rocket and Nebula complain about the false lead Carol had given them. Okoye updated everyone on what was happening in the African lands. No one seemed to be sure of anything, you realized, they were all lost, trying to convince themselves they were doing something.

"Carol, will we see you here soon?" Nat asked the powerful woman, who shook her head.

"What? Going to change your haircut again?" Rocket teased, Carol called him "fur face" and reminded you all that Earth wasn't the only affected planet. You glanced sideways at Natasha, seeing her sigh in frustration.

"This channel is always active, if something goes wrong... talk to me” and of course, Natasha was taking on as much weight as she could, which unsettled you. But you forced yourself to remain silent, observing from the corner while everyone said their goodbyes.

Rocket and Nebula waved at you. Natasha sighed, collapsing into her chair when everyone left, or so she thought. She looked surprised to see Rhodes still there, and of all things, you never thought the man would talk about Barton.
Rhodes spoke about the horrible things Clint had been doing, and it pained you to see how Natasha recoiled at every sentence, how she bit her cheek and held back tears thinking about her best friend meeting such a lonely end. You wanted to run to Natasha, hug her, but you knew you couldn't because she immediately put her mask back on.

"Can you find out where he is?" she asked, trying to sound casual while biting her sandwich, even though the bread was salty from her tears.

"Nat...” Rhodes murmured, but Natasha knew she had to, because Clint was the man who saved her life, gave her another chance, her best friend, and it was her turn to rescue him from himself.

"Please...” Natasha pleaded tearfully. Rhodes looked at you for a moment, as if asking what to do, as if asking if Natasha could handle any more of this. You felt the Widow's eyes on you but didn't have the courage to look back. You wanted to say no, do everything to keep her safe, but you knew it wasn't up to you. You knew Natasha needed this, so you nodded.

Rhodes sighed, looking unhappy. He said his goodbyes, and suddenly it was just the two of you in the quiet room. It had been a long time since it was just the two of you, as if you both had been avoiding this situation.
You heard Natasha choke, starting to cry softly, and for a moment, you didn't know what to do. In another time, you would have already been by her side, giving her all the comfort in the world, but things were different now. Now you didn't know how she would react if you approached and wrapped her in a once-familiar embrace.
But the moment she cried harder, you didn't care about risking another heartbreak. You walked over to her and hugged her.

Natasha immediately clung to you, burying her face in your stomach while clutching your shirt like a lifeline, as if she wanted you there even though you knew it was a lie. When she finally calmed down and pulled away from you, the atmosphere was awkward again. You put your hands in your pockets while she wiped away her tears, neither of you saying a word.

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwich again?" you asked, looking at the half-eaten sandwich on the plate. Natasha laughed, forced and tearful.

"Yeah, you know my eating habits…” she crossed her arms and looked at you with a weak smile. You puffed out your cheeks, exhaling strongly to hide your concern.

"Well, I suppose since I'm here, I could make you something to eat” you tried to say casually. Natasha opened her mouth to protest, but under your pleading gaze, nothing came out.

The kitchen is empty and quiet now, Natasha looking around as if remembering every time it had been full. You move in silence, the cupboards almost bare and the dishes covered in dust.
Natasha sits on the counter, and you can't tell if she really sees you as she watches you cook. It's not a Michelin-star dish, but after a few minutes of complete silence, you place a plate of pasta in front of her.
You don’t want to stay and watch her eat, knowing she wouldn’t like that, so you can only trust her as you prepare to leave.

"I was going to offer to make dinner, but you guys would just be even sadder” you turn to see Steve at the door, he gives a knowing nod and smile.

"Here to use the laundry?" Natasha asks, setting the untouched plate aside.

"And to see a friend”

"Believe me, your friend is fine” the Widow tries to convince him again, and they start making small talk about whales. You stand there awkwardly, wishing there was a way to slip out unnoticed from this situation where you feel like an outsider. "If you came here to tell me to look on the bright side, I'll hit you with this pasta”

"Force of habit” Steve says with a weak smile as he approaches. The atmosphere is quiet and tense again, and you just want to leave, but you’re too embarrassed to take the step. Steve looks at you for a moment, and suddenly he seems to bear all his years. "I keep telling people they have to move on, grow... some manage it, but we don’t”

"If I move on, who will do it?" Natasha asks, her voice breaking from crying.

"Maybe it’s not necessary”

"I had nothing... then I found this, this job, this family. And I got better because of it... and even though they aren’t here, I keep trying to improve” you try to hide your proud smile, but Steve catches it.

"I think we need to have a life” the Captain insists, and Natasha ponders before responding.

"You first”

And then they smile at each other like old friends. You clear your throat, urgently needing to leave this scene.

"I have to go, I promised Kate I’d stop by” you explain, not wanting to be fooled by the pang of disappointment you think you saw in Natasha's expression. Steve smiles and nods, and as you pass, he gently touches your arm.

"You will always care” he says, and you look from him to Natasha for a moment. The redhead seems guilty for understanding his words. But then the alarm goes off, and a peculiar man appears.

"Is anyone there?! This is Scott Lang, we met a few years ago” You’re not the best with names, but you’ve heard Natasha talk about the time she faced Ant-Man, and how he disappeared. So, all of you let him in immediately.

Scott babbles to himself for a full minute. You see Natasha and Steve exchange uncertain glances, and you know it’s time to leave.

"Wait, you can’t go” Steve says, stopping you again “we need you”

"You don’t need me, Steve” the man sighs at your objection.

"He really seems to have something, and if it’s the chance we’ve been hoping for all these years?" the Captain says, and you look at the neurotic Ant-Man behind him.

"Then I wish the best of luck to our heroes” You give him a respectful pat on the arm before looking at Natasha one last time and leaving.

It hurts to leave Natasha behind, thinking you gave up. Maybe you did give up, maybe you are too resentful. You are not a hero, you weren’t before, and you certainly aren’t now. They don’t need you, they didn’t before, and they certainly don’t now.

Kate moved apartments after a year, she couldn’t stay in that place without the friend who, for some reason, preferred to sneak in through the window instead of using the door. You ring the bell of the new apartment, Lucky and Fanny barking on the other side before the brunette appears with a big smile as always.
You hug her and greet the dogs, who are happily jumping around as Kate takes the pizza you brought to the kitchen. She had suggested you and Natasha keep Fanny, but seeing the girl’s attachment to the dog, you two knew it was better for things to remain as they were.

"You managed to put that shelf together” you observe before joining her at the kitchen counter, Kate nods enthusiastically while chewing with her mouth full. You eat in comfortable silence for a moment until you notice a strange paper on the counter "The New Avengers?"

"A weird girl was here, she’s gathering young people with abilities for this new group... since we no longer have anyone to protect us” she speaks softly, almost afraid you’ll scold her, that you’ll say if something bad happens, a hero will magically appear. But you both know that’s not true. "Bad things still happen every day, crime is increasing more and more, we can’t afford to... wait for things to go back to how they were” You think about how Kate has also given up.

”Yelena would have hated this” the younger one laughs at your comment.

"Totally! She would’ve said: Kate Bishop, aren’t you too old for group work?" she says with a forced accent, and you laugh. "And then she would’ve created her own group just to contradict me!"

"And it would have the worst people in it...”

You both laugh together for a moment at the thought. You wonder if you should tell her about Clint and about Ant-Man, who seems to have come up with a miraculous solution.
You look outside, and for the past five years, it just seems to rain. It’s strange how everything in Kate's presence reminds you directly of the sister you lost. You are pulled back to a rainy day, years ago. You were doing a crossword puzzle on the couch while Yelena sprawled on the carpet with her own sheet.
The sky lit up and there was a loud noise, Yelena flinched as the rain intensified. Yelena is an ex-Widow, she was trained not to show fear or weakness... in front of everyone except you. The blonde knelt on the carpet, extending her hand to you, never taking her eyes off the window.
You hold her hand, looking at her with concern.

“Don’t like thunderstorms either?” you ask, referring to all the nights Natasha clung to you because of the lightning outside. Yelena shakes her head, gripping your hand tightly, looking like a frightened child.

“I don’t like the sound it makes…” she shivers as another flash of lightning appears.

“Oh no…” you hum, opening the blanket for her. She immediately crawls in and climbs on top of you. “I have a plan, do you want to hear it?” Yelena rests her head on your shoulder, her pout becoming more noticeable, and she nods slowly “lay your head on my chest…”

Yelena doesn't resist, nestling against your chest and resting her head there. Feeling your hand gently stroking her hair... for a moment, just for a moment, Yelena seemed almost fragile. You cover her free ear with your hand, holding her close as you start to hum.
Yelena closes her eyes, she lets out a small sigh, almost melting into you at the sound of your humming. She feels relaxed again, the sound of your heartbeat and your humming a sweet distraction from the storm outside... It was like a little lullaby...
Yelena leans into your touch, the sensation of your hand in her hair, so gentle... So different from how other people in her life touch her. She was practically purring as you ran your fingers through her hair.
Your humming and singing were so soothing... and through her sleepy haze, Yelena whispered a soft “I love you” in Russian.

Kate is used to seeing you like this, with tears in your eyes as you confront the shadows of your past. You often get this way around her, so she has grown accustomed to holding your hand gently, bringing you back to reality.
You smile gratefully, looking at your intertwined fingers, deciding she deserves to know what's happening.

“They are going after Clint” you can see the girl is struck by this information, even though she tries unsuccessfully to hide it. “He needs to be stopped…” you don’t go into details, telling the girl everything her father figure has done in his grief. You know Kate respects you, that she would obey if you implied she shouldn’t get involved, but you also respect her and know she has the right to make her own decision. “Do you want to come?”

“No”

She says simply, and you agree, without objections.
After a while, you say goodbye to Kate and the dogs, taking the subway back to the institute where the Widows are. Having lived there for a few years now, you greet everyone, hugging Melina and Alexei when you find them.

“You need to shave that beard” you joke with the man as you always do, even knowing he never would, Yelena liked it that way. Melina smiles at the two of you and takes you with her, asking about Natasha, and you answer as usual.
The corridor isn’t as bustling as it once was, and yet you bump into Jack, a reserved and kind young man. You and he have coffee together sometimes, talking about his journey as trans man and his future as a fashion designer. He gives you a weak smile, carrying a box in his hands.

“More of her things, I’m taking them for Melina to keep” Jack used to be Janice’s roommate before the woman also disappeared. You and he exchange a silent conversation in your resentful glances. “Do you think it hurt?” Jack asks, and it’s as if a balloon deflates in your trachea, locking everything there.

You've wondered that a million times, if it hurt, if it was quick, as gentle as falling asleep. Maybe the loss hurts less than the doubt, after all.

When you finally reach your room, your cat greets you warmly. She’s old now, and still curls up with you in bed.
In your dream, a transparent and angelic veil covers the entire room. You and Natasha are sitting on the soft carpet, faces close as you lean over the coffee table and whisper.

“I love you more than warm nights” you say in a lazy tone. Natasha ponders.

“I love you more than my morning matcha”

“Uhh... I love you more than warm nights and fresh fruit” Natasha smiles at your response.

“I love you more than matcha and Bond movies” you smile, brushing the red strands from her face.

“I love you more than warm nights, fresh fruit, and... Bossa Nova” you close your eyes as the other woman traces your face with her finger.

“I love you more than matcha, Bond movies, and motorcycle”

“I love you more than warm nights, Bossa Nova, and…”

“You messed up!” Natasha kneels, pointing excitedly at you.

“What?!” you lean back on the couch, watching Natasha stand up.

“You forgot the fresh fruit!” you hide your face in your hands, grunting. “I won, you lost!” the redhead sings, doing a victory dance that brings a big smile to your face. You place your foot between her thighs, pulling until she falls into your lap, still convinced. “You owe me a massage”

“Okay…” you murmur lovingly, unable to take your sparkling eyes off her. “Here?” you massage one of her shoulders, and she instinctively smiles and curls up like a ticklish child. You continue the attack even as she tries to escape your lap.

You can still hear her laughter when you wake up.

Your days follow the same routine: therapy, dinners with Melina and Alexei. It's strange to see how even they have succumbed to melancholy.
You only see them genuinely happy again when evening falls for dinner, and Natasha is there.
Everyone speaks little during dinner. Melina talks about new projects she's working on, Alexei talks about the self-help book he's writing—oh God—you talk about the sessions, but Natasha says nothing. What she has to say, no one wants to hear, no one wants to listen to the attempts being made to return everything to normal because in the end, nothing ever works.

At the end of dinner, Natasha accompanies you to the room to reunite with the old cat that curls up affectionately at the redhead’s feet. You stand in the corner, observing the interaction with crossed arms.
It's bitter having Natasha here, your Natasha. She holds the cat and discreetly —only you could notice—she analyzes the room.
There’s not much to see really, a single bed, a small wardrobe, a well-organized dresser, and some coats hanging on the door, no window. You’ve always liked windows, the other woman thinks.
You can’t stand the silence any longer, can’t bear knowing that Natasha didn’t come here just for a family dinner, and she knows it.

“We have a chance” she says, and then tells you about Scott’s theory, about time travel and other things you’ve only heard about in your favorite Doctor Who episodes. It’s hard to tell what’s more shocking, the crazy plan forming or you having refused. “I come here and say we have a chance to bring everyone back... to bring her back, and you say no?” the redhead speaks angrily.

“You never needed my permission, Natália” you say tiredly, still in the corner.

“No, but having a extra super serum and a metal arm would be nice” It hurts to hear that, it hurts to know that she's only there because she needs you as a weapon.

“I have other responsibilities now”

“Like what? Therapy groups? Continuing to pretend you’ve moved on?!”

“I could never move on! She was my sister too!” You get close.

“Then do something, damn it!” The atmosphere is heavy, suffocating, your breaths are short, and your eyes are laden as you look at each other.

Natasha's lips were turned down at the corners, and she was frustrated with you. You sighed and opened the door to let the cat out, who had sensed the hostile shift in the atmosphere. As soon as you closed the door, both of Natasha's hands were on your chest, pushing you.

Obviously, you didn't budge, looking at her with a tired expression, your head tilting to the side as if to say: Really?

But that didn't stop the redhead from pushing you again and again, grabbing your shirt and slapping your chest while all you did was let her hit you.

"Do something!" Natasha screamed with a raw throat, continuing to attack you while you tried to restrain her.

You couldn't tell if it was you or her, but at some point, her lips were on yours, and you were pushing her against the wall, your fingers in her hair, moving her head to the side to kiss her neck, which she respond with a needy moan.

You sucked and nipped at the skin of her throat, your knee slowly sliding between her legs and your hands invading her shirt.

You hummed, your breathing growing shallower as you rocked your knee against the redhead’s core, she desperately moving against you.
Natasha moaned when you slipped your tongue into her mouth, your hands moving to remove her shirt without breaking the kiss, taking it off and throwing it to the floor.
You pulled back to look at her, her pale skin sprinkled with short blonde hairs, her chest rising and falling quickly as her breath hitched with desire, and the flush on her cheeks caught between you and the wall.

You grabbed her hips, your fingers leaving marks on the pale skin as you started to give open-mouthed kisses on her chest, your tongue tracing the ridges of her collarbone.
She sticks her fingers in your hair, pushing you down, your kisses descended across her stomach as you slowly sank to your knees before her.

"I missed seeing you like this..." she leaned back against the wall, running her hand along your face. You shivered with a chill, looking at her as she ran her thumb over your lips.

You hummed, eyes fixed on hers as you took her thumb into your mouth, your tongue slowly sliding over the tip, sucking gently for a moment before releasing it.

Maintaining eye contact, your fingers slid her pants down, letting them pool at Natasha's knees as you pulled her closer.

Your kisses started to climb up her knee, becoming deeper and more open the closer you got to her core, your hand pressing against her breast, the nipple hardening between your fingers making her bite her lip as she suppresses a moan.

Natasha gasped, barely able to keep her eyes on you as you trailed kisses along her inner thighs.

Getting closer and closer until you were finally at the edge of her core, you looked up at her again before asking.

"Do you know what I missed?"

"W-what?"

"The taste of you on my lips..."

You moved slightly, your hands moving down from her thighs to her inner knees, slowly pushing them even farther apart as you pulled her closer. Your lips quickly resumed, trailing kisses up the inside of her thigh again, this time not stopping, your tongue starting to tease against the flesh of her core. She could feel your breath against her, and the heat of your body as you held her.

Your tongue moved against her sensitive skin, licking and flicking softly. With your lips, kissing gently between breaths, you slowly released one of her thighs, your fingers tracing gently from her knee to her hip, and you grabbed her tightly while your lips continued their work, and you moaned, a small sigh of desire and satisfaction.

Natasha cried out loudly, collapsing against the wall. You continued with your tongue and lips working on her, eliciting small moans from both of you. Your hands still holding her hips tightly, and your free hand moving gently over the sensitive skin of her thigh. You could already taste her, and as you began to deepen your tongue, you felt yourself getting slick between your own legs, needing her as much as possible.

You couldn't continue the thought, your tongue delving deeper, savoring and eagerly licking the growing wetness, your eyes once again looking up, watching her face, she looked beautiful like this. Head tilted back, leaning against the wall for support, her breathing becoming unstable and erratic as you continued your work.

She tangled her fingers in your hair, sinking you into her, your mouth working against her hungrily. She pulls your hair, pulling you away from her. God, she always loved how you almost looked pathetic like this, panting and with your face glowing because of her.

"Take me to bed…" she cried, you give a wet kiss on her hip before standing up.

"I was waiting for you to say that..." you pulled her into a deep kiss as you began to guide her towards the bed. As soon as the edge of the bed hit the back of her legs, you make her lie down.

"Say you're mine" you whispered between the kiss.

"I’m yours, only yours… my body, my soul… forever" her breath hitched, her words sending a shiver down your spine. You leaned into her neck, leaving a mark as a claim. “Please…” you bit her neck again, this time harder.

"Please what, my love...?" Natasha didn’t say anything, just brought your hand to her mouth, sucking on your middle and ring fingers deeply. You let out a deep breath through your nose as you watched her, your eyes darkened, looking at her mouth sucking your fingers, she was... so lewd, it was beautiful.

You moved your fingers out of her mouth, followed by a string of saliva.
Your hand moved, pressing against her core, slowly sliding over the smooth flesh, your eyes once again following your progress before returning to her face. A soft sigh came from her, you knew she was desperate for you, it would be, you thought, cruel to make her wait.

Her head fell back, eyes closed. Another deep breath through your nose, she was... captivating, lying beneath you, all flushed and whimpering, desperate for you. Your metal hand hold her neck, the tips of your fingers traced her skin, her breathing still quick and erratic.
A thought crossed your mind, and you leaned down with your mouth near her ear.

"Be good and keep your hands by your head for me..." you pulled back to look at her face, her eyes now on you "can you do that for me, baby? Let me make you feel good"

"But I want to touch you..." you smiled, letting out a laugh as she pouted.

"No. You will be good for me, and you'll keep your arms still, understood?"

Natasha raised her hands above her head, exposing herself to you, who smiled and left a quick kiss of satisfaction on her lips.
Your hand moved back down her body, fingers dancing over her skin until they reached her chest, your palm pressed over her heart, feeling its rapid rhythm, like a rabbit caught by the wolf.

"You're trembling" you whispered, looking at Natasha, who held back tears of anticipation.

The sound of her low, needy moan was all you needed.

All your control had given up, and your mouth, your tongue, moved against her, holding her down on the bed, keeping her legs open while you gave her what she wanted.

Your tongue was slow at first, tracing lines you already knew, tasting her, you wanted to prolong this, to make it so good for her. Your tongue flicked and twirled, entering her while you held her tighter as she squirmed, one hand over her mouth to stifle the sounds.

Your tongue began to quicken its pace, still teasing but giving just enough to keep her on the edge.

You moved faster, with more force, everything to make her cry out louder, to push her further, her body trembling with each shuddering moan, you wanted the whole town to hear her, to know who she belonged to, to know she was yours.

Your eyes looked at her, finding hers, and she was absolutely wrecked. Were everything about her, you were giving her everything you could.
Natasha falls back with a loud groan.

"I'm going to…" hearing her so close was more than you could bear. Your tongue pressed harder, faster, hands gripping her hips now digging into her skin.

And then Natasha explodes, convulsing as she cries loudly.
When she falls back, her face is red, she's panting with her lips swollen and parted, and tears of pleasure stream down her cheeks.
Your hands moved gently over her belly, drawing random shapes on the sensitive skin, you just wanted to touch her, just feel her, and you couldn't look away. You could see the marks from your hands on her. Your hands moved up her belly, over the marks your tongue had left on her skin, until they rested gently on her flushed face, tracing her swollen lips, and even exhausted, Natasha opened them for you.
And you let her clean any remnants of what you had done, and when Natasha got dressed and left, neither of you looked back.

Your old cat reappears at the door, meowing as if she doesn't want Natasha to leave.
You also wanted to ask her not to go, to curl up with her like a clingy cat because you love her more than hot nights, fresh fruits, and Bossa Nova.
You love her in a way that you’d run to save her if she asked, and that’s why you find her and Steve that afternoon, and she seems shocked to see you.

“Are you coming?”

“Where are you going?”

“Tony”

“You’ll need a babysitter”

And so, you get into the car without looking at her and Steve, who exchange smiles. You didn’t know what you were about to face, what the future and the past would bring, but you would do anything to bring that little girl with big, green, curious eyes back home.
You didn’t need to be an Avenger or a Guardian for that, you just needed to be what you already were, an older sister, and Hope would return.

Chapter Text

The cabin is as idyllic as the last time you were here, which is strange because you never expected a place where Tony Stark resides to be anything close to serene. You can say that the man is settled, that he's old and tired like all of you.
You can tell this by the comfortable clothes he wears and the disapproving look he gives as soon as you step out of the car.

"Aunt Y/N!" Morgan shouts excitedly as soon as she sees you, and for the first time since the start of the drive here, you smile happily, hugging the little girl who runs into your arms.

"My God, you're growing...” you murmur in a fake effort to lift her into your lap. The little girl laughs, looking around and smiling even more when she sees Natasha. The redhead gives her a loving smile, but the atmosphere around remains tense. You clear your throat and get the little one's attention with a soft bump on her button nose: "Let’s let the adults talk, okay?"

Morgan agrees, a bit curious about what the adults have to say. Even so, she lets you carry her to the lake.
You spend the next few minutes feeding the fish, and the little girl talks non-stop most of the time. You listen with all your attention, believing that’s why she likes you.

Pepper insisted on inviting all the ex-Avengers to meet their daughter when she was born. You didn’t know if Tony was happy about that, but you showed up with a nicely wrapped gift, a soft blanket that used to belong to Isaac.
Pepper smiled gratefully, and Tony kept up the arrogant pose he used for self-defense, considering that, out of all the guests, you were the only one brave enough to actually show up, even forcing Natasha to come along.
The tension was obvious between the two Avengers, and you and Pepper tried to smooth things over, so she offered for you to hold the newborn.

With all the care your reconstructed body could offer, you took the sleeping little girl in your arms.
Of all things one might imagine from a former assassin, Tony would never have thought that you could be so gentle.
Perhaps that was when he decided to give you a chance, for you and for Natasha too, who watched you with a look you two had exchanged only once before, in the Red Room's maternity ward.
"You're really tied down, Romanoff” the Iron Man commented, and Natasha rolled her eyes but didn’t deny it.

It took a few dinners and conversations, but as the months passed, you found yourselves as good couples of friends, drinking wine and laughing at good things.
And from dinner to dinner, Tony and Pepper entrusted you and Natasha with the task of looking after little Morgan while they went out on a date. Pepper said that time alone and intimacy were good for the couple, while Tony never seemed so nervous.
Morgan loved your cat, you let her eat a lot of sugar, and she never stopped playing.

"I can't believe it! Aunt Nat fell asleep!" you whisper to the little girl who laughs mischievously, looking at Natasha, who pretends to be sleeping against the couch cushions. "How about we keep her company until she wakes up?" Morgan lies down beside the redhead, who sleepily hugs her. You sit beside the two of them, still murmuring to the little one: "You know, this is because Aunt Nat is getting old...” you comment, which results in a discreet pinch from the redhead.

Morgan, who had been keeping company with her old aunt, gradually falls asleep, until it’s just you and Natasha, quietly talking.
The thought you two are having at this moment is like a punch to the chest.
The idea of having children has crossed Natasha’s mind fleetingly thousands of times, but she never allowed herself to delve into that thought because everything she knew about raising a child, the Red Room taught her.
And love was for children, but not for the children of the Red Room.
Because the Red Room takes your real parents away from you.
Because it gives you false parents and eventually takes them from you too.
The Red Room takes your womb, it takes your choice.
Taking away your past and your future.

You understood the Avenger’s fear, and you don’t know what you’d do if Natasha were ever ready.
Because you’ve had a child. And there is nothing more tragic than ceasing to be a mother.
The words lodge in your throats, choking you, while your eyes remain on each other.
You look at each other, really look at each other, and it’s as if you’re seeing each other for the first time. The way the warm light from the lamp hits your hair, the way your eyes shine less, the subtle changes in your faces and bodies over the years. You are no longer children, indeed. You are women. Mature and self-assured.
Natasha nods inwardly, her heart aching as she accepts her age. She knows you're aging. She is too. She can feel it in little ways... the way her body sometimes aches for no reason, the way she can’t sleep so deeply anymore. It’s all part of aging.
And it’s beautiful.

The room is silent.
Natasha’s gaze falls to her hands, watching as you play with her fingers. The sight causes her breath to catch in her throat, you always did that when you were nervous, thinking, or worried. It’s a habit she’s come to know well over the years.
You both know there’s no possibility of starting a family now, not after everything you’ve lost, not after everything that’s been taken from you. You think. You feel. And nothing changes.

You come back to the present when Pepper approaches you and Morgan, offering a friendly smile that you return.

"Any big solutions?" she asks, taking her daughter in her arms.

"No, but a very crazy plan... even for Tony” you respond sheepishly. Pepper sighs before saying what you already know and expect.

"He has everything now, much more than a billionaire's life can offer... it has to be a very high possibility, otherwise...”

"He can't risk losing what he has”

A sense of déjà vu washes over you as you look at Pepper, and you two exchange a silent conversation, which ends with the woman sending her daughter to save her father, which she does eagerly. When you reach the balcony, Tony is being more civil than you expected, even inviting you for lunch, which you all don’t do.

"He’s scared” Natasha comments as you head back to the car.

"He’s not wrong” you say, receiving a look from the redhead before quickening your pace.

"Okay, but what are we going to do?" Scott brings up the question everyone is asking.

And you don’t know why, but you stay with them, and the three of you go after "a bigger brain”
Bruce Banner now wears cardigans... and he’s also green.
He explains to Scott how he combined brains and muscles, becoming some sort of masterpiece.
He now goes by "Mr. Hulk” at least that’s how a group of teenagers addresses him when they ask for a photo. The whole situation unfolding in front of you is somewhat ridiculous, but you won’t interfere, you know you’re the coolest ex of your wife.
And if it wasn’t enough that Hulk is taking photos with fans and signing autographs, the situation gets worse when Scott, the great Ant-Man, offers for a photo no one asked for.
You give a few comforting pats on the man’s shoulder, and it’s like a sigh of relief when you and Natasha exchange an amused smile, but then Natasha is speaking with a velvety, almost shy tone to Banner, and you feel jealous. He’s already worked with time travel.
Maybe you’re not the coolest ex after all.

That night, you don’t go home. You don’t know when you decided to be part of this, but here you are, at one in the morning, in the kitchen of the old Avengers complex.
You’ve been here dozens of times before, you know exactly where things are for a good midnight tea.
Natasha can’t sleep, her mind full of thoughts, her heart full of emotions. She usually walks around the complex, trying to tire herself out to sleep, but tonight, it’s not working. She feels restless, pressured, her mind unable to shut off.

She hears movement coming from the kitchen and heads toward it, her heart giving a small jump when she sees you leaning against the counter, staring off into space.
She stands at the door for a moment, watching you. The sight of you in the kitchen late at night brings back memories of before, the times when you used to share cups of tea late at night and whispered confessions.
You turn to her, and even though she’s a trained spy with soft feet, you always feel her. Natasha smiles a little, her heart skipping a beat because you always seem able to know when she’s there, even though she’s usually as quiet as a ghost.
She enters the kitchen, her steps soft as she walks toward the counter. She stands by your side, her arm brushing against yours as she leans on the quartz.
Natasha notices the way your arms cross, something captivating and almost vulnerable in the way you stand, leaning against the counter, your messy hair and tired eyes, and it stirs something deep inside her.
The kettle whistles on the stove.

"I’ll make the tea, you get the cookies” you say, already moving. Natasha nods, a small smile pulling at her lips, a wave of affection washing over her at the family routine. The offer of tea is a comfort, a gesture that feels like home. She looks at you, her eyes full of a mix of happiness and longing.
When you two shared an apartment, you did this often, late nights and early mornings spent in each other's company, with tea, cookies, and soft whispers in the dark.
You grab the cup, preparing the tea exactly the way you remember she likes it. Natasha watches, her heart swelling in her chest. It’s such a small gesture, but the fact that you remember how she likes her tea, that you make it for her so easily, makes her realize how much time you’ve spent together, how intimately you know each other’s quirks and preferences.
When you finish making the tea, handing it to her with an expectant look, Natasha takes the cup from your hands, her fingers brushing your skin for a brief moment, her heart skipping a beat at the familiar feeling. She lifts the cup to her lips, taking a small sip. It’s made exactly the way she likes it, the subtle sweetness and the touch of honey hitting her tongue and bringing back memories of other quiet moments shared between you two.
It’s comforting, grounding, a small piece of normalcy amid the chaos of her thoughts.

"Good?" you ask anxiously. Natasha nods, a soft hum of pleasure escaping her lips as she takes another sip, the warm liquid calming her body and mind.

"It’s perfect..” There’s a hint of affection in her voice, the small gesture of you making tea for her not lost on her, her heart warming at the thought. Her smile widens, relieved. Natasha can’t help but smile back at you, the sight of you happy making her own heart lighter. She takes another sip of tea, a small, comfortable silence settling between you two, only broken by the sound of a sip.
You sit on the cold counter, eating a few ginger cookies, Natasha watching you, her gaze flickering over your features in the low light. She can see the signs of fatigue on your face, the dark circles under your eyes, the slight sag of your eyelids, and she can’t help but feel a pang of worry. Her heart twists in her chest, and she speaks softly.

"You look tired..”

"I’m naturally getting close to forty and still have to run around saving the world, darling, it’s my duty to look tired”
Natasha can’t help the small laugh that escapes her lips. Trusting you to make a joke like that, even when on the edge of exhaustion. She nods in agreement, a soft smile on her lips.

"Fair enough... though I think it suits you. You wear the dark circles well..”

"Really?! And what about the gray hairs?" you ask, brushing your hair, a white strand here and there between the curls. Even with the super serum, age is catching up to you, and you’re grateful for it. Natasha leans in, studying your hair in the dim light with an exaggerated concentration on her face, a playful gleam in her eyes. She leans closer, her fingers going into your hair to gently comb it.

"Hmm... hmm... not sure I see any. Maybe I’ll have to take a closer look..” she continues playfully, positioning herself between your legs as she strokes your hair—purely for vital analysis, of course. She can feel the softness of your locks, the smooth texture under her fingers, and she can’t help but delight in the close contact between you two. She moves a little closer, her body pressed against yours, her voice dropping to a soft, intimate whisper. "No, no gray hairs... beautiful as always..”

You laugh, your legs naturally curling around her waist.

"I have some wrinkles” you say, and Natasha softly laughs as your legs wrap around her waist, an emotion passing through her at the unexpected contact. Her hands move to your thighs, resting there comfortably, as if they were meant to be there. She studies your face closely, her eyes tracing the contours and curves, searching for the subtle signs of aging.

"Wrinkles?" she pauses for a moment, her expression serious, as though lost in deep thought. You scrunch your face, emphasizing the marks, and Natasha laughs, shaking her head, a warm smile on her lips. She lifts a finger to your cheek, gently tracing one of the wrinkles, her touch light as a feather. "Ah, yes..” she drags her finger over another wrinkle, putting on a fake serious expression. "Yes, definitely some wrinkles here, what a tragedy...”

You force a fake pout at the observation, and Natasha laughs, her fingers tracing the marks on your face, the familiar lines she has studied countless times before. There may be some new ones, but they only add to your beauty in her eyes.
You smile, she smiles, her hands still on your face, her thumb tracing the curve of your cheek.
You hold her hand for a moment, gently caressing the palm without being able to stop yourself from commenting:

"You've finally started using moisturizer” Natasha laughs softly, her heart swelling with your astute observation. She knows you always notice the smallest details, the things others overlook.

"Yes... someone kept bothering me about my dry skin..” she teases lightly, a small smile on her lips.

"She must be a smart girl” Natasha can't help but smile, a wave of affection washing over her. She looks at you, her eyes soft and warm.

"She is smart... and annoying, and persistent, and way too beautiful for her own good” She reaches out and brushes a strand of hair away from your face, her fingertips lingering on your cheek.

You hold her wrists, gently caressing them as you study her as well.
"This is new..” you say, touching her chin, where a small scar now rests.
Natasha looks uncertain for a moment, but it's you... it's just you.
"I fell... dancing” and you believe her, Natasha can get truly brutal when she dances, and that's when she feels most beautiful.

She used to leave her ballet shoes in the conference room of the compound, dancing whenever she needed to release her emotions, when she needed to punish herself.
Then she started talking less and less to you, to everyone; she just danced, shutting herself off from the world.
And one day, it became too much. You stormed into the Compound, which was unusually quiet, the empty halls echoing the weight of recent losses. Natasha was sitting in the conference room, staring intently at the screen in front of her, her hands clenched into fists.
Then the door opened, and you entered, looking furious. Natasha stood up, but before she could react, you threw something in her direction. A worn-out ballet slipper. Natasha caught the slipper in mid-air, looking at you with a mix of confusion and pain.
You didn’t need to say anything; she took off her boots and put on the slipper. The conference room transformed into an impromptu stage, the heavy atmosphere contrasting with the lightness of the classical music that flooded the space, as per your command.
Natasha began to dance, her movements precise but heavy with deep sadness. You watched every movement, your gaze firm and intense. Without mercy, you corrected Natasha with harsh touches, pushing and adjusting with force, your eyes filled with pain and anger.
Natasha, struggling to maintain her balance, felt the brutality of the gestures. Each correction was a reminder of the shared suffering and the irreparable losses. The dance became a battle, a silent war between two wounded souls.
You signaled Natasha to perform the difficult fouetté en tournant. Natasha started the fouettés, each turn a struggle against internal pain, her movements precise and full of emotion. You, relentless, silently screamed with hard gestures, demanding perfection.
When the dance reached its climax, Natasha executed the final moves with painful perfection. When the music ended, both of you were panting, looking at each other while desperately searching for the connection that once was there but was no longer.

Now, back in the compound's kitchen, surrounded by tea and biscuits, you both search for that connection again, but perhaps that’s what it’s all about, after all: holding on to the best parts you had and moving forward, finding comfort in knowing that someone who knows every gray hair, every bit of your chin, is out there.
You pick up your cup, Natasha picks up hers, and each of you heads to your respective rooms.

The next day, Scott is excited to test the strange machine he has in the back of a van. Well, he was excited until Bruce mentioned the possibility of him being stuck in the 1950s. You all wave falsely, sure of what you're doing, but when Scott returns for the first time, he’s a child... then an old man, and a baby, and finally, the Scott you know again, and you would have hugged him in relief if he hadn’t mentioned that they soaked his clothes.
You bet on the theory that it was him.
And thank God, Tony is back.

Not just him, but several other allies.
You're especially happy to reunite with Rocket and Nebula; the robot woman even accepts your hug now without stabbing you.
At first, your relationship with Nebula was as rough as your relationship with Rocket, if not worse.
You were leaving Thanos' cabin right after Thor decapitated the Titan, and no one but you seemed particularly concerned with the daughter who had to clean her father’s blood from her face.

"Are you okay?" you asked Nebula, who looked at you angrily, almost offended, and walked past, slamming her metal arm into yours.

"You're not going to get anywhere with that” you looked down to see Rocket. "Nebula... the heart isn’t made of steel, but it's hard to reach... trust me: don’t try!" But the Guardian knew that expression on your face, that stupid, determined look that made him slap his forehead.

It started with small gestures, little attempts to get closer, and Rocket helped you a few times, supposedly to avoid you having your head ripped off too.
"Why don’t you just let it go, huh?" the little Guardian asked after you were rejected again, but you couldn’t let it go. There was something connecting you with Nebula, and Rocket knew that.
He had briefly told you about Gamora, the sister she lost, but you only discovered more deeply after finding the Guardian desolate on the balcony of the Compound, where she thought she would be hiding from everyone in the early morning.
You offered her tea, not even knowing if she drank it, and on the kitchen counter, with a napkin, you played Paper Football. She won. You congratulated her even when she was suspicious.
And from rejections and victories, in the following months, a sisterhood bond slowly formed, very slowly, even though in the end, you knew who she pretended you were, and she knew who you pretended she was.

New Asgard was a small coastal Norwegian town, filled with monuments and survivors. You didn’t have much contact with Thor the first time you saw him; your impression was of a man with muscles as big as his heart. You don’t think he’s changed since then, and that’s what all of you expect when Banner and Rocket go after the God.
Meanwhile, you traveled with Natasha to Tokyo, the trip was quiet, but not uncomfortable. You and Natasha were the type who could sit in silence for hours without it becoming a burden.
The last time you were in Tokyo was to buy kitchenware for the house you two were moving into together, and Natasha insisted the set of cups she wanted could only be found in a small neighborhood in the Japanese capital – she could be extremely picky when she wanted to.
Porcelain, cups, plates, the set of cups you still haven’t taken out of the box at the back of the cupboard. Back then, it was in the middle of all of that that you became aware of the power of loving someone, because you were loving Natasha.
All those afternoons tending the garden together, nights with her sitting on your lap in the armchair while there’s a fire in the fireplace, and you look for Wally, whispered confidences between blankets and pillows, and you teaching each other that love can be easy.
Natasha lands the jet uncertainly, and you think she’s trying to buy time to compose herself, so you don’t stand up before her, and she doesn’t stand up either, not after one minute, not after five, not after ten. You both sit there, in silence, after so much time, tending the garden, looking for Wally, buying cups together, you know well when Natasha wants comfort without saying it, that comfort that doesn’t feel like comfort.
So you reach out your hand to the side, still looking ahead, and not a minute later, you feel a warm hand covering yours and squeezing tightly.
You both watch the rain fall, this time, there are no tea cups, warm blankets, and shared books, but Natasha’s hand is in yours, and that comforts you too.

Tokyo is lit by neon signs, these signs reflecting on the wet asphalt of a dark alley, the wet asphalt covered in blood, and a hooded man hovers over the leader of a faction, who begs for his life to be spared, offering him anything he asks for.

"What I want, you can’t give me” the hooded man says in a familiar voice, and he drives his sword through the man’s chest. The hooded man stops in front of the lifeless body, noticing a new presence there. He lowers his sword, takes off the hood, and then removes the mask.
Ronin, that’s the title your friend Clint Barton has adopted in recent years while seeking justice with his own hands. You should be proud, you should congratulate him, but Natasha’s pained expression as she sees the former teammate in such a deep state of destruction makes you stay silent under the umbrella.

“You shouldn't be here” Clint turns to you, carrying a blank expression, one of someone who has lost the worst thing a person can lose.

“Neither should you” Natasha says.

“I have work to do” the man wipes his sword, not looking faithful to what he says.

“Is that what you call it?” Natasha sounds like a mother scolding him. “Killing these people won’t bring your family back” she says directly, and Clint doesn’t respond, he knows it's true. “We found something..” the redhead approaches him, and you follow her silently. “A chance, maybe” and with that Clint seems even more annoyed.

“Don’t give me hope” he pleads, and you understand him perfectly, but you can’t help but try when he refuses to take Natasha’s hand, and tells you both to leave.

“At least listen to us” you insist, while Natasha seems tired of trying.

“Leave, Y/N!” he repeats, but you don’t go, stepping into the rain to follow him.

“I know how you’re feeling... that sense of injustice, that relentless desire for it to have been you in their place. I know how it feels, I lost a son too”

“You don’t know how it feels!” Clint turns to you, shaken like you’ve never seen him before. “You don’t know how it feels, Y/N! Your family was fake, you were never a mother!”

Countless faces kept appearing on the screen, so many strangers to you, but surely the world to someone.
The room would have been silent if not for the noise of the advanced computer working to bring new results every second, billions and billions of people disappearing in the blink of an eye, not as if they never existed because they did, and the people left behind were witnesses to their existence.
You and Natasha remained on the floor, hugging each other, Alexei and Melina hugged beside you two, all of you suffering from the same pain. The pain of losing a sister, the pain of losing a daughter.
It was at this moment that a thought crossed your chest like a dagger, you stood up while a warm feeling rose in your throat.
“Can you search for another name for me, please?” you ask weakly to the operator, and as soon as you give the boy’s full name, Melina and Natasha look at each other with concern.

“Not found” the man with slicked-back hair says, only increasing the anxiety in your chest.

“Not found? Does that mean he’s okay?” you ask, trying to contain your urgency.

“It means we don’t have an answer yet, thousands of files are arriving for the processor…”

“There has to be an answer”

“I’m doing the best I can, ma’am”

“That’s not enough!” you exclaim, frustrated. The man shrinks, and everyone looks at you. You’re too scared to feel guilty now, too worried to look back when they call you as you run out.

You stop at the entrance of the Widow’s complex, the city is in chaos, everything is in chaos, and you’re starting to feel disoriented. Even so, you start running, running as if there was nothing in front of you, running not seeing anything in front of you, the asphalt cracking with the force of your steps, and everything around you a blur.
You run until you reach a modest, yet comfortable, American-style house, the dream of many, but now it looks like the setting of a terrible nightmare, because in front of this house, there’s a woman, kneeling, crying, howling, with a single child by her side. And it kills you inside.

You had met Isaac’s family years before, at the boy’s birthday parties.
“You sure do attract attention” Thomás, Isaac’s father, had commented once, laughing, trying to lighten the mood, only to get elbowed by Alana, the boy’s mother, who didn’t seem any less uncomfortable with the attention you drew.
You went from seeing Isaac every Sunday, to seeing him at special events, to video calls, and then not seeing him at all.
You didn’t want to admit it to yourself, it hurt too much, but you were part of Isaac’s trauma, and you needed to let your boy heal from it, so you stopped fighting to maintain a presence that was no longer wanted.
Still, after he was gone, you visited his family often, thinking that the old conflicts should be left behind, and that you should support each other in this overwhelming time.
One Saturday afternoon, you knocked on the door of the American-style house, a woman with a tired look answered, not surprised to see you.

“How are you, Alana?” you greeted with a friendly smile.

“Going, Y/N, just like the other times you’ve been here” she answered tiredly. You shyly looked at the woman’s increasingly worn-out appearance. Her hair, always so well-kept, was now tied in a messy bun, her skin, always glowing, now looked dull, Alana seemed lifeless.

“I made some pastries” you forced a smile, showing the basket in your hands. The woman sighed and let you in, the house was as well organized as it always had been, full of crochet decorations and pictures on the walls. Alana never took them down, never covered them, and each one had a picture of her, her husband, and their three children, smiling as they should have been.

You two sat in an awkward silence for a while, the afternoon sun lighting up the room, pastries untouched on a plate, and cups of coffee cooling on the coffee table.
“I’m going to practice, Mom…” a boy said, rushing down the stairs, but he stopped when he saw you.

“Hi, Steve… I brought some pastries… they’re fresh” you hinted toward the table, and the young man sat in the armchair across from you. “How’s school? It’s your last year, right?” Steve was Isaac’s older brother, the most skeptical, and that’s how he looked at you there, with suspicion.

“Do you guys know how to solve this?” he asked directly, getting a reprimand from his mother. You took a deep breath and looked away, feeling ashamed, defeated.

“Not yet, but we’ll figure it out” you tried to assure with a small smile.

“It’s been a year! How much longer do you need?!”

“Steve!” Alana reprimanded, and the young man fell silent but continued looking at you with defiance. You kept your gaze on his, with empathy, with a request for forgiveness. The boy scoffed, grabbed his practice bag, and stood up.

“You guys should be our heroes” he said before leaving, leaving you in silence as you stared at the ground. Alana watched you for a moment before sighing.

“He’s not going to show up here, Y/N. Believe me, I’ve waited for that every day too” you shrank even further at the confession. “You had so much time with him…” she said softly, a thought you always knew was there but had never been said aloud. “Do you know how that makes me feel?” a crying voice escalated in the woman, and without thinking, you leaned in for a hug, but she quickly recoiled, raising her hand to you. “He was my son, Y/N, and you saw him grow… how can you come to my house when all you do is remind me of what I lost over and over again?”

“I never wanted…”

“I know you didn’t, but I need you to leave, okay? It’s not good for Steve…” You were already stepping away even before she finished, an expression asking for a million apologies.

“Y/N?” You turned quickly when Alana called. “Don’t come back”

And you never did, promising yourself that you would only return when you had an answer, and now maybe you have one, a solution to bring your son back, because it was real for you, because you are a mother.
And it hurts you deeply when Clint says otherwise.
The moment those words leave the man’s mouth, you grab his bow, so fast that the former agent doesn’t even have time to react, you throw the bow far, making it crash to the ground.
Clint looks at you, surprised and angry, and as if you weren’t old friends anymore, he lunges at you. And he was good, but you were a super soldier. A very angry super soldier.
Easily dodging, you throw him to the ground.
“Get up” you say firmly, as he looks at you, surprised on the wet asphalt. “You want a fight? Then stop being a coward and fight someone on your level. Get up!”
Natasha watches apprehensively as the situation unfolds, she watches Clint get up and approach you with strong, calculated blows, she watches you dodge each one.

Clint is becoming increasingly erratic, more and more tired and frustrated, and when you bring him down and your hand presses against his chest, pinning him, he lets out a howl of fury and pain.
You stay on the ground for a moment, both of you panting from the fight, eye to eye, and Clint’s eyes say all the reasons why you can’t judge him.
“Listen to me, I know you did what you had to do to deal with your pain…” you begin as the man struggles to escape your firm hold. “And if to cope with that pain you needed to go after bad guys, I don’t care. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to travel to another continent to try to fill you with hope I don’t have either... I’m not here for you, I’m not here for me, I’m not here for the damn rest of the world. I’m here because what you’re doing is hurting Natasha, it’s destroying her to see you like this..” Clint turns his face toward the redhead, who watches from a distance, and for the first time, he seems to recognize the same suffering in his old friend’s expression. “So here’s the thing... you’re getting in that damn ship. Because I’m losing my fucking patience... either you get in willingly, or I’ll shove you in there”
Not even a minute later, you’re passing Natasha with a look that says: “It’s done” and Clint is joining her.
You knew how to be convincing when you wanted to be, you didn’t hold back when it came to Natasha, because while it should hurt Natasha and no one else, for you, it should hurt everyone in this world except her.

The sky is also closed in the north of New York state, there’s a thick fog that covers the sun, leaving a gray and angelic curtain outside your window. Your room fills with steam when the door to your bathroom opens, you step out with casual clothes, drying your damp hair, and Natasha is sitting on your bed. She sits on the edge of the mattress, fiddling with her slender fingers, and you don’t even question how she got in here.
She stands slowly, eyes always on you.
It’s a silent dynamic, nothing is said, you leave the towel on the bed and meet her in the middle of the room, in front of the large window covered by angelic fog. Natasha is also wearing a comfortable hoodie, you remember the day she took it from your closet and never returned it, her hair is down, she looks... worn out, lost, needing a home.
Natasha leans in, letting her arms fall by her sides as her face buries in your shoulder, and you hold her.
Everything is silent, the room is warm and steamy, there’s thick fog outside, and Natasha is whimpering on your shoulder, a soft, contained cry, one she didn’t want to let out, but since she can’t hold it in anymore, she lets it out in you, just a little, as if you’re a safe point for her to let her walls fall for a few seconds, because you see through her.
Natasha cries on your shoulder, you stroke her back, she wants to cling to you, so tightly and never let go, but that would make everything more obvious, it would make it clearer how much she’s crumbling. So she lets her arms fall by her sides, but she leans in and cries against you.
Outside, the world remains indifferent.
Natasha cried for several minutes, without stopping, with so much to let out. You held her without saying anything, maintaining the same gentle caress on her back. The only sound was the contained sobbing.
When her crying finally stopped, like fog slowly dissipating, only light solutions remained, interspersed with heavy sighs. You stayed there, holding her, like a silent anchor, while the weight of the world she carried seemed to dissipate, even if just a little, in your arms.
When she finally pulled away, her eyes were red, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. The silence between you was deeper than any word could be. Natasha raised her gaze to you, as if searching for an answer she knew she could only find there, in that safe space you had created for her, in that invisible connection only you shared.
She didn’t apologize, and you didn’t expect her to, you just tucked a lock of hair behind her ear with a calm, almost instinctive gesture. Natasha took a deep breath, the sound of her sigh mixing with the steam that still lingered in the air of the room.
Outside, the fog remained thick, covering the world in a gray, indistinct veil. Inside, the warmth persisted, not just from the atmosphere, but from the moment—something intimate and irreparable had been shared.
Natasha pulled away a bit more, hesitating, as if she wanted to say something. But instead, she just nodded slightly, a silent promise that she would return to that safe space whenever she needed it. You smiled, almost imperceptibly, and she looked away, the corner of her lips curving slightly in response.
At that moment, everything was at peace, not because the world outside had changed, but because, for a moment, you were a refuge for each other.

Chapter Text

The room is quiet at dawn, so early that only a few cars can be heard arriving with employees from the now occupied complex. The misty morning light bathes everything in silver, your suitcase still packed in a corner, disposable coffee cups on the desk as if you needed any. Your clothes on the floor, her clothes on the floor.

The air has that indefinable scent of shared sleep—heat, sweat, and something familiar that makes your chest tighten.

Natasha sleeps on your arm, which if it weren't made of silicone and advanced technology, would be tingling right now, her red hair spread out across the pillow once again. For a moment, you don't move, just watch this rare moment of surrender, the movement beneath her eyelashes, as if she were trapped in the last moments of a dream. Her face, so often sculpted by tension, now seems softer, less marked by the weight of the choices she carries.

You slide your fingers across the sheet until you touch the warm skin of her arm. The contact is so light that it barely seems real, but it’s enough for Natasha to murmur something inaudible and move, instinctively seeking your warmth. Her parted lips let out a tired sigh, and then she opens her eyes, slow and unfocused at first, until they meet yours.

You always liked to see her wake up, with you she woke up peacefully, without looking like a cat that jumps at the sound of a leaf falling in the distance.

You don't speak. Words would be a risk.

Natasha just watches you for a long moment before she moves closer, her nose brushing against your exposed chest, an unconscious gesture of someone seeking shelter without admitting they need it. Her fingers slide down your side, stopping at the curve of your waist.

You smell her hair, gently pulling her closer so you can lay your lips against her forehead.

She closes her eyes again, as if trying to prolong that moment for a few more seconds.

But you both know that time is running out.

And perhaps that was the last time Natasha allowed herself to be exactly where she wanted to be.

You thought reconciliation would be more meaningful, perhaps with a grand gesture of love or sacrifices.

However, when two people have been through so much suffering, when they have lost everything and know that their time could end at any moment, the decision to stay together does not need to be dramatic, it can be instinctive, and simplicity is ideal.

A moment of clarity: there is no longer any reason to resist.

The two of you said nothing, no kind words, just a look, a touch, the silent acknowledgement that there is no more time for pride or fear. You simply choose each other.

And when you two leave that room that morning, your hand is in her hand again.

“Wow” you let out as you approach Thor in the hallway.

“Lady, Y/N!” the big man exclaims as he approaches you with his arms open wide.

“I said Wow to something behind you, you look great, buddy!” you try, before being enveloped in a tight hug that lifts you off your feet.

“How nice to see you, old friend!” the God says, clearly drunk. “I have some bottles in my luggage that I guarantee you will like” he sets you down, and behind those sunglasses you know he has an affectionate look that you return in the same way. “I am glad to see that you and Lady Natasha have resumed your alliance, you are what we Asgardians call Sálavinir” the God walks away again, influenced.

You and Natasha stood back, smiling, you appreciated more things about Asgardi than the drinks, that was their language, and you were glad to know that the Norse God meant: soulmates.

“Hello, lovebirds” Tony winks at you, passing by with some cables over his shoulder, he shouts for Rocket who was working further ahead, getting the Guardian’s name wrong on purpose. Not without receiving a reprisal.

“You’re only a genius on earth!”

Rocket spoke, and you chuckled as you led Natasha into the next room where Bruce, Scott, Nebula, and Rhodes worked, just in time to see Ant-Man having a fit in his time-traveling suit.

The man sighed as Rhodes tried to calm him down, and explained why he was frustrated, and when he showed himself not to be ready, Clint volunteered.

That's when Rhodes came up with the brilliant idea of going back in time, finding baby Thanos and ... but Bruce had to get all scientific and explain why it wouldn't work. Damaging everyone's excitement and bringing disappointment about Back to the Future.

Natasha talked to Clint for a long moment before the trip, she was distressed, you knew that, more than all of you even though everyone was distressed too.

And then, Clint disappeared, and you all held your breath for a full minute without him. When he came back he was on his knees, disoriented and shaken, Natasha was the first to run to him, making sure that her best friend was okay.

And not only he was fine; he had succeeded.

And you all returned with hearts full of hope to your rooms that night.

Full of hope and something more.

"I should be happy, shouldn't I?" Natasha says, looking down at the box of ramen noodles in her hands. You look at her with your own box, sitting on the carpet in your bedroom, you don't know what to say to make things better, to bring comfort. "For five years, all I've wanted was a chance to make things right. Now that chance is here and I feel...” she hesitated, as if the word was stuck in her throat "scared"

You put your box of instant noodles aside, dragging yourself to her side, Natasha continues to torture herself.

“What am I saying? God, we have a chance to bring her back, I should be ecstatic..." you watch her put down the pasta, and cover her face with her hands. You bring a hand to her arm, stroking it gently, knowing she needed time to sort out what she was feeling, it was rare that she allowed herself to be vulnerable and not mask everything with impenetrable determination.

Natasha leaned in slightly at the touch. When she took her hands away from her face again and looked at you, there was something else there, not exactly relief, but a silent understanding.

“Hold me" she asks softly, and now knowing that she is ready, you wrap your arms tightly around her, she melts at the touch, burying her face in your neck “don’t let go"

You wanted to tell her that you were scared too, that everyone was, that it was okay to be scared. But you remained silent, hugging her, not letting go, and that was better than any words.

You knew her fear, after so many years you got to know well how that beautiful brain worked, Natasha's head was full of "what if…” so many possibilities.

But she didn't fear the unknown, she feared a hypothesis.

What if... in the end, she loses you too?

What if that was the big play in the end, what if the universe really was that cruel?

What if she had to make an impossible choice?

You know she feels bad about it, because you think it too. You would do anything to keep her safe, it was funny, but not unexpected. You lived paralyzed most of your life, all you wanted was to live, and now, all you want is for Natasha to live.

You want to tell her right now, you want to whisper in her ear that she is the love of your life, that she makes you happy even when everything is so sad, that you trust her more than anyone else, that you love her. In another universe you would tell her that you want to have kids with her, marry her again and again, that you want to live with her, travel with her, grow old with her.

But neither in that universe nor in this one do you say anything.

You just gently lift her face from your shoulder.

“I’d like to kiss you" you whisper, and she laughs softly because it’s not like you need to ask for permission. “Right here" you touch her forehead, she still laughs softly, a little confused “say yes"

"Yes"

You hold both sides of her face tenderly, stroking her cheekbones with your thumb, then you bring her face towards you, and your lips softly touch her forehead.

“Can I kiss your chin?” Natasha’s eyes are still soft from the kiss on her forehead, but her lips carry an amused smile as she lifts her chin to you, and there you kiss her sweetly.

Then you kiss her cheek. Once, twice.

And finally you finally kiss her lips, and it is in that kiss that Natasha can feel everything you didn't say.

The next day you all meet at the office.

Space

Mind

Reality

Power

Time

Soul

These are the Infinity Stones.

And according to Steve, each of you has encountered some of these Stones, or according to Tony, was nearly killed by one of them – not that you remember.

And it's something Scott shares.

You feel a little anxious when Banner once again makes it clear that each of you only has one chance, and a hand lands on your thigh under the table, making you sigh in relief at having Natasha by your side, but when they need to check if Thor is asleep or dead, the one who needs to go is you.

You help him to the front of the room, where he takes off his sunglasses and starts babbling drunkenly, he talks about the Stone that isn't a Stone, he talks about an old flame, you exchange an affectionate look with Natasha who had one of her feet on the table, but you have to go back to Thor when everyone realizes this isn't going anywhere, he refuses the omelet you offer and asks for a drink instead.

You lead him out of the room, behind your backs you hear disappointed sighs and low chuckles, you hate how everyone has been neglecting your Nordic friend's feelings up until now, and he looks like a child receiving a Christmas present when you hand him a glass of bloody mary. You sit down next to him, noticing the black streak amidst his tangled golden hair.

You watch him down the glass completely, smiling sympathetically as he looks at you drunkenly.

“How have you been, my friend?” you hold the God’s shoulder in a friendly way, he laughs softly, looking around the room, but without really seeing anything.

“Ah, you know, still the same God of Thunder. Handsome, powerful, devastatingly charming” beneath all that dirty beard you know he’s trying to maintain a charming smile, but his unfocused eyes don’t lie, you squeeze his shoulder, smiling sympathetically.

“You don’t have to do this to me, you know?” your eyes soften, you pull a feather from his dry beard. “You don’t have to pretend" Thor shakes his head, sighing as if trying to clear something stuck in his throat.

“And what does that change? I can mourn, I can rage... what difference does it make? The past does not change, the dead do not return... I am still a king without a kingdom" he avoids your gaze, looking around again, but this time he sees clearly, searching for the nearest bottle.

You gently hold his face, and then you realize, and he realizes.

You don't have to tell him to stop pretending, you don't have to shower him with comforting words. You just have to look at him the way you do now, because for the first time in a long time, he feels seen, not as a failed king or a broken warrior, but as a man carrying a weight too great for even a God.

After a moment of silence between you, Thor lowers his gaze, as if the entire weight of the universe is upon him.

You don't say anything, you don't have to. You just stand there, steady, offering a space where he doesn't have to be a God, a warrior, or a king.

Slowly, as if testing his own limits, Thor allows himself to give in. He lowers his head, first resting his chin on your shoulder. The warmth of the human touch, so simple and so forgotten, unravels him inside. Then, without realizing it, he slides down, letting his head fall against your chest.

You run your hand through his disheveled hair, an instinctive, maternal gesture. He trembles slightly at the touch, but doesn’t pull away. On the contrary, his broad shoulders slump, and his arms wrap around you with an almost desperate strength.

"Se essa rua, se essa rua, fosse minha..." the melody comes out in a soft whisper, lulling his shaky breath. Thor closes his eyes. You continue humming, unhurried, unexpecting. Just being there, holding him, as the pain he's tried to hide for so long dissolves into silent tears.

That night you can't sleep, there's a hole in your stomach. You stare at the ceiling, stay there until your back hurts, then you look at Natasha sleeping peacefully next to you.

It's strange, you think, a lifetime of fighting to have her sleeping peacefully beside you, and yet you still get out of bed subtly, anxiety weighing down your chest.

You walk to the main balcony, hoping that the fresh air of that cold night can calm you down, of course you are not the only one thinking this, finding the familiar figure.

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? To think we’ve already been up there" you say, approaching the man who keeps his hands in the pockets of his well-fitted pants and smiles gently.

You lean against the railing beside him, and together you watch the sky, smelling the trees and the damp grass, Steve takes a moment to look at you.

“You look tired" he comments, you close your eyes, reveling in the presence of your old friend.

“Aren’t we all? Tired..." Steve agrees regretfully, looking back at the sky, it’s much more starry when seen from outside the city, it reminds you of the sky you used to see in your country house, lying on the grass with your son by your side. The memory tugs at your heart. “I’m tired, Steve... so tired" you look at him, the true state of your feelings being exposed, that look that once again asks: can’t we rest?

The Captain sighs, he places a hand on your shoulder and looks at you in a way that makes you feel young .

He doesn't say anything at first, he just moves closer and closer to you, until he's right next to you. You look at him for a moment, expecting him to give you a pep talk, or just complain too, but he just stands there, by your side, and you understand; you deserve a shoulder to lean on too.

You lay your head on his shoulder, and together you watch the stars.

“What would you do?” you ask after a while “what would you do if you could rest, even for a few seconds?”

“I would dance one last time with my love" he says with a simple smile.

You go back to the room, to your love, and she is sitting on the bed, waiting for you.

The door closes with a soft click, you lean against it for a moment, the room is silent, the yellow light from the lamp illuminating everything it can touch. The carpet, the flowers you never remember to water, the side of Natasha's face and the blue eyes that meet yours. She doesn't ask anything. She just watches.

So, without saying anything, you cross the room and go to your desk. Pick up your phone, slide your fingers across the screen and choose the song.

The soft sound fills the room.

Natasha understands before you even turn around and reach out to her.

Without hesitation, Natasha slides out of bed. Her bare feet touch the cold floor, but she doesn’t care. You pull her close, your arms fitting naturally.

You start moving slowly, carried away by the melody. Neither of you speak. There's no need.

The room becomes a world apart, where only you exist.

“Your name is Y/N..." Natasha whispers in her ear “your favorite color is gray but you think it’s too morbid so you tell everyone it’s yellow, your favorite food is hot broccoli, which isn’t anyone’s favorite food..." she laughs softly, the warm air making the hairs on her neck stand up “but it’s yours...you love tea, and sunflowers..."

You hold her tighter against you, because sometimes it's good to have someone to remind you of who you are, what you're fighting for.

In five years, these little details about you haven't changed, even though everything else has. And Natasha knows, because she's your love. And this could be your last dance.

The next day you guys get together, eat fast food, Rocket talks about Morag , Peter Quill and the Power Stone. He also pats Scott's head like a puppy and makes fun of the man for wanting to go to space.

But of all the meetings, the one you were most looking forward to was the one about the Soul Stone.

“What’s Vormir?” Natasha asks, looking up from her notes at Nebula.

“It's just another planet” you cut off before Nebula can say that it is a domain of death, which is at the center of celestial existenceyou get up and go to her who looks at you confused “I want that one”

“No" Nebula immediately retorts. It’s just one word, but it carries a weight no one expected. Clint glances at her sideways. Bruce frowns. Even Steve, always alert, notices something’s different.

Nebula's expression isn't just anger. It's not just frustration.

It's fear.

Pure and raw.

She takes another step forward, her eyes fixed on you, who remain neutral.

The instant response carries something that only you understand. Natasha looks between the two of you, clearly feeling the tension, but still not understanding the depth of it.

You stare at Nebula, a silent conversation unfolding between the two of you. Nebula knows... and she won't let that happen.

"What's on this planet?" Scott frowns. Nebula hesitates for a moment before answering, her voice harsher than usual.

"That's where Thanos killed my sister" the silence weighs heavily on the room. Scott looks away, swallowing hard.

"So, yeah... I definitely don't want that one" Scott says, before anyone else can say anything, you shrug like it's no big deal.

"It's okay, because Clint is going with me"

Natasha's eyes narrow subtly. She doesn't say anything, but the suspicion is written all over her face.

Nebula, however, continues to stare at you, almost as if she wants to pin you against the wall, yell at you, ask if you've gone crazy.

You hold her gaze for a moment before speaking, your voice low, firm, but not cruel:

"I'm not her"

Nebula shakes her head, as if that were a ridiculous excuse.

But she knows she can't change your mind, you've been here before.

They needed to get back, Nebula and Rocket , back to space, where the Guardians belonged, but that didn't ease the tightness in your chest as you said goodbye.

“Do you really have to go?” you asked Nebula, who looked at you for a moment as if she didn’t want to break your heart. But she still said it quietly, firmly, but not cruelly.

“I’m not her, Y/N” and it was true, Nebula wasn’t Yelena, she wasn’t the little sister you lost, even though you worked to try to fill the hole Hope left in your chest with her.

And now here you are. You're not Gamora, you're not the older sister she lost, but it doesn't make your fate any less painful for Thanos' daughter, who storms out of the room.

No one says anything for a moment, they don't even understand what happened, Natasha crosses her arms, analyzing everything with a dangerous glint in her eyes, and when you also leave the room, she follows you.

“What was that about?” she asks, and there’s the moment you’ve been avoiding.

"I don't know..."

“Bullshit. What’s on Vormir ? Why do you want to go there, and most importantly, why doesn’t Nebula want you to go?” Natasha was a spy, it was hard to hide things from her, but that didn’t stop you from trying.

“I want to go because Gamora died there, I want to honor her death, for Nebula” and in part, it was true, so the distrust in Widow's gaze softens a little “you know she's like a sister to me, but she could never... I want to do this for her..."

“Okay, but I’m going with you" she insists, you shake your head.

“You need to go with others, they will be lost without you”

“You’ll be lost without me” shouldn’t, but it brings a smile to your face because it’s true.

“Yeah, but... I'm a super soldier, and I have a cool metal arm" you smile smugly.

“But you’re still my wife” your heart almost jumps out of your chest, you’ve waited so long to hear her say that again.

“Because I’m your wife I know you need to keep an eye on those idiots… stop them from dying"

“Said the woman going to the planet where a daughter of Thanos died” you smile softly at the argument, your wife was hard to convince. You hold her face, looking deep into her eyes.

“Nebula told me everything about this planet, it has some kind of guardian... I just need to bargain and the Stone will be mine"

“But Gamora -”

“Gamora was murdered, by a cruel and merciless Titan... I'll be with Clint, we'll be fine” you just look at each other for a moment, Natasha struggles internally about the choice she should make.

“And since when do you know how to bargain?” she asks with a hint of a smile.

“I’m bargaining now, aren’t I?” you pull her into a sweet kiss, hoping it doesn’t taste like censure.

But this is Natasha Romanoff we're talking about, and she wouldn't let this go. If you won't give her the answers, she'll go after those who do.

“What’s on Vormir?” Nebula freezes for a split second before continuing to fiddle with the controls. Rocket, on the other hand, doesn’t even look up.

"As far as I know, it's just rocks and a shitty view" Rocket says, disinterested and sarcastic. Natasha doesn't react to his tone. She's dealt with liars her entire life and knows how to recognize when someone is hiding something. She steps forward, standing between them and the ship's dashboard.

She looks directly at Nebula who stares at her with tight lips, her jaw clenched, but she doesn't respond. Rocket also remains silent, too focused on anything other than Natasha.

“Your loyalty cannot be greater than your desire to keep her safe"

Nothing. No reaction. Not a word.

Nebula stares at Natasha. And for a moment, Natasha sees something rare in her eyes. Not fear, but... a different kind of resilience. Something that tells her that no matter what Natasha does or says, Nebula will not break.

Because Natasha doesn't know you got there before her.

“Why would you do that?!” Nebula asks, fury in her black eyes, fear in her black eyes as she finally pins you against the wall.

“Someone has to do it" you remain calm, looking between the cyborg and Rocket at your side.

“Why does it have to be you?!”

“Because someone has to do it" you repeat calmly “and you know I couldn’t bear to know the truth and send any of them in my place. That would be worse than death for me". Nebula lets go of you, sadness in her metal features, she knows it’s true.

“But Natasha... what about us? Didn’t you think of that?!”

“I thought, more than I have ever thought about anything in my entire life, and it’s not fair to admit that I’m doing this for you, but I am. I’m doing this for you, for my sister and for my son...” you hold Thanos’ daughter’s face, looking at her lovingly. “I’m okay” you whisper these words, smiling “I’m going in peace, I’ve had great moments in life… it was much more than I could ever asked for... I’m going to rest, Nebula”

Without saying anything else, you stepped forward and opened your arms.

Nebula stood still for a moment, as if the gesture disconcerted her. But then, slowly, she moved, her shoulders stiff as she allowed herself to give in. When her cool arms wrapped around you, the tension in her body was evident, as if she were holding back something she couldn’t put into words.

You didn't care. You just held Nebula tightly, feeling the cold metal of her skin against your own, the weight of that goodbye hanging between you.

“You are not a replacement for my little sister... you are my little sister too”. You pull away a little to look at the cyborg’s hopeless expression “I love you, my sister"

Nebula blinked rapidly, as if pushing away a thought. As if trying to erase the image of Gamora from the moment.

But she couldn't.

Because, for a moment, that's exactly what it seemed like, another sister heading towards a death that Nebula couldn't stop.

And this time... she was there to watch.

“Gamora” she said firmly and coldly to Natasha “that’s what’s there, that’s why I reacted that way… I have a lot of… affection for Y/N, you can imagine that it’s not easy for me to see her walk the same path that my sister walked" Natasha remained silent, listening to her say everything there was to say “but the conditions are different this time, Vormir is a test of trust and she will be in good company, she will succeed”

“I’ll go with her”

“I don’t advise that" Natasha looks suspiciously at the cyborg’s quick reaction. “Vormir has a guardian, pretentious and machiavellian. If he realizes the great connection between the two of you, he can use it to his advantage. Believe me, Y/N made the right decision by not choosing you"

Natasha stood there, her mind racing and her chest heavy, she knew something wasn't right, but with everyone around her closing themselves off to her, she had no choice but to retreat.

Nebula remains by Widow 's side, having no choice but to look at her sympathetically.

“Aren’t you going to tell her?” Nebula asked you after that hug, as she watched you say goodbye to Rocket who pretended not to have any tears to dry.

“Either way it will break her heart, but if she tries to stop me, I will give in, and I can't let that happen”

Your eyes wandered to Rocket and Nebula. They didn't say anything, they didn't need to. Their silence was a pact. A silent understanding of something inevitable.

You looked out the large window in front of you, the world you would be leaving behind staring back at you. You felt the weight of the decision settle on your shoulders, but not as a burden. For the first time, it wasn't a struggle, it wasn't a choice imposed by fate.

It was just what needed to be done.

On the lawn touched by the end of the afternoon there is a woman, with melancholic eyes, black hair and a ruby green cloak, waiting patiently, without haste, knowing that you have already made your choice.

You've survived more than anyone could, you've run from Death your whole life.

Maybe it was time to accept Death as an old friend.

Every choice, every pain, every scar, everything brought you here.

The ultimate sacrifice was always yours to make.

Chapter Text

The bathroom door closed with a loud thud behind her, isolating what she so desperately needed a break from right now. She took off her leather gloves, leaving them on a white marble sink that gleamed clean, but a subtle smell of sewage came from the drain. Yelena looked at herself in the mirror, the yellowish lights of the chandeliers hitting her tired features, the loose ponytail, the well-defined eyeliner, were evidence of the journey of discovery she was on.

She spent her whole life being a weapon, she was set free, and even after years she is still trying to understand who she is without it. As she looks into her own green eyes through the mirror, she doesn't see the Black Widow, she doesn't see a weapon, a soldier trained to obey. She sees an ordinary woman, in an ordinary bathroom. She sees a human being, sometimes deeply lonely. It is in these moments that she feels like a sister, and she misses Natasha and you to anchor her again.

She knows that this journey of discovery would be much harder without the two of you, without Natasha to teach her not to lock herself away and to look for a new coffee shop every now and then, without you to teach her that when we need a hug we just have to ask.

She smiled to herself, remembering the upcoming wedding, until then she will have enough time to convince you to recreate the Sam and Patrick dance that she saw in “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”.

“Come on, Eileen taloo-rye-aye…” she sings softly with a smile, turning on the tap “now you’ve grown up, now you’ve shown…”

Yelena leans in, cupping her hands under the water, taking a deep breath. The moment the water touches her face, the world seems to waver.

The moisture is a little from her palms and face, the spray from the tap disappears, the mirror in front of her disappears and reappears in fractions of seconds, different. The texture of the floor beneath her feet is no longer the same, the towels have changed color, the light on the ceiling... everything has changed, the world has changed.
Her first instinct is to be alert even in the face of the terrible confusion, Yelena leaves the bathroom, everything around her has changed, and there is a man in the living room. The only thing that stops Yelena from immediately hitting him with a Widow's Bite is a little girl next to him.

"What's going on?" Yelena asks, her voice a little shaky.

"Who are you?" the man asks.

"Who is she, daddy?" the little girl looks scared. Before anything can be answered, Ana appears, looking as surprised and confused as the Widow.

"Yelena? Oh my god, you... you back" she says. Back? Back from where?

That's what Yelena discovers in the following minutes, but the explanation only makes her more confused.

5 years have passed? That's impossible, it's only been 5 seconds.

“I’m sorry, Yelena, I just want to help..” Ana says, she seemed to have a good life now.

“I know... thank you...” she mumbles, processing the fact that she lost 5 years of her life. Then a thought pops into her head “I need to find Natasha... her and Y/N, I need to tell them that I’m okay..” she gasps, looking at Ana for direction.

The former Widow sighs with regret, knowing something that Yelena doesn’t know, and not telling her.

Maybe it’s because she doesn’t say it, out of guilt or pity, Ana decided to take Yelena back to New York. The Widows’ Institute is still there and this brings a deep relief to Yelena, but her relief lasts a little while, because the gym, like the rest of the world, is chaos.

There are a lot of people, a lot of people.

Some tried in vain to bring order, shouting orders, others just trying to breathe in the middle of that human avalanche.

Yelena took two steps inside and was swallowed up. Bodies bumped into her shoulders, pushed her back, hands dragged her unintentionally. She tried to move forward, but each step was blocked by someone who did nothing. The sound of voices overlapped, without pause, without space. A name being shouted to the left.

A muffled cry to the right. Yelena turned her face, searching. She felt an elbow hitting her rib. A heavy shoulder slammed against hers, making her take a step to the side. She tried to breathe, but the air was thick, hot, thin.

“Natasha!” she called, but in the midst of the crowd her voice sounded like nothing. “Y/N! Melina...!” The suffocating openness of the crowd made her lose her direction, her sense of where she was or where she needed to go. She turned her face and, between two heads, found a glimpse: dark hair tied in a hasty bun. Melina.

Her heart raced. But when we managed to reach her, the flow of the crowd swept her in the opposite direction. “No, no…” Yelena pushed, tried to push her way through, her fingers clutching at the fabric of some uniform, but the woman let her arm back.

Every movement was an effort. Every second, an agony.

Yelena closed her eyes, taking in the thin air and, with her voice tearing from her throat, she said:

“Melina!” the scream was lost, mixed with a collection of other names.

But she tried again.

And again.

“Mom!” and Melina stopped walking.

Melina stopped.

Her body went still gone for a moment, as if something had crossed the crowd and hit her back. She didn't turn around immediately, she just stood there, motionless, while the chaos around her continued. Yelena made her way as best she could, elbowing a few people, asking for passage without anyone really hearing her.

Her heavy footsteps hit the wooden floor, echoing along with the dozens of others, but for her now there was only that figure a few meters away.

When she finally got close, Melina turned slowly. Her face was pale, marked by deep dark circles, she looked at Yelena as if she were seeing a ghost. For a moment, the two of them said nothing.

The lights in the gym continued to flash, and the sound of voices seemed to become a blur in the background. It was as if everything around her had slowed down. Yelena wanted to run, she wanted to hug her, she wanted to scream again, but her legs were stuck in place, watching the woman who approached slowly, very slowly, and just looked at her with teary eyes but without spilling any. It was as if she was still trying to understand if that image in front of her was real or just another one of the delusions that her tired mind had been playing on her over the years.

The crowd kept pushing, the screams echoing through the stuffy, hot gym. But in that small space between the two, time seemed to have stretched.

Then Melina moved, raised a hand and placed it on Yelena's shoulder. The touch was hesitant, almost clinical, like someone testing the temperature of water before diving in. Her fingers were trembling.

Yelena closed her eyes.

And in that instant, Melina finally pulled her to her.

It wasn't a strong or desperate hug. It was a restrained gesture, but necessary. Yelena buried her face in her shoulder, breathing deeply the familiar smell of laboratory products and old cigarette smoke.

And Melina, without saying anything, just squeezed her eyes shut, letting her hands slowly close on her daughter's back.

All it took was the smell of her, the warmth, the real weight of that body, for Melina's facade to crumble.

A sob escaped, quick, involuntary. And when she realized, her arms were already tightening around Yelena more tightly. As if she wanted to hold her to her chest and stop the world from taking her away again. The cry came hard, without sound, only the tremor of her body betraying it.

Yelena felt it and clung on. She let herself stay.

And in that chaos, nothing else existed besides that embrace.

That was when the voice echoed in the middle of the gym.

"YELENAAAA!" a hoarse, torn, desperate roar. Yelena raised her head in time to see Alexei pushing people along the way, without caring about the cries of protest, without any care. He was coming with wide eyes, a red face, and a half smile that seemed more like pain than joy.

He stumbled the last few steps and pulled them both into a hug so tight that they could barely breathe. His big, heavy arms wrapped around her at once, without any control, without hesitation.

He gave a hoarse laugh, half sob, half laugh, and the sound was pure despair.

“My girl… my girl…” he repeated over and over, his voice cracking. Alexei pressed his face against the top of her head, holding her tighter, and his whole body shook. That was his way of crying.

“Where’s Natasha? Where’s Y/N?” Yelena pulled away just enough to ask “where are my sisters?”

The lasagna dish was almost empty on the table, even though you, Melina, and Natasha hadn’t eaten anything compared to Alexei who was serving himself for the third time while laughing and telling stories from the past. You were each on one side of the square table, sharing and drinking wine from the bottle that wasn’t very full at that point either.

“Do you remember that time, Melina, we were on a camping trip as an excuse to watch the target and we had to separate Y/N and Natasha from drowning each other in the lake?” Everyone laughs at the memory, the matriarch fills her glass.

“And at night Y/N ran away from her tent to sleep in Natasha’s” your cheeks heat up at the additional comment.

“There were ants in my tent” you drink, embarrassed. Natasha smiles, intertwining her legs with yours under the table.

“The bad ants also forced you to sleep hugging me, detka?” your cheeks heat up more at the provocation, the alcohol making everyone feel lighter.

The conversation continued happily during another of the many dinners that you and Natasha started having with Melina and Alexei, but eventually, the atmosphere always got heavy.

“What are you doing now?” the matriarch asks, not liking to be left out. You and Natasha exchange glances, the redhead didn't feel like she was giving any information at the moment, you take a sip of your wine, leaving the glass on the table.

“Natasha was with Tony and Bruce this afternoon... she was the only one who realized that if they get the right year... there are three Stones in Manhattan” you smile, half sad and proud, Natasha on the other hand, just looks tired.

“Time travel... that's crazy!” Alexei spits out some wine and as she spoke, it wasn't a critical tone... it was actually crazy. Melina, observant as always, noticed the tension growing between you.

“And where are you going again?” she refers to you, who clears her throat and adjusts herself in her chair.

“Vormir... it's a planet”

“Another planet? Wow...” she sounds softly surprised “are you sure it's safe?”

“My friend Nebula, the cyborg, lost someone to this place... she told me everything I need to know” Melina agrees, but there's something in her eyes that you can't look back at right now “Clint will be with me, we'll be fine” you drink to hide it.

“Can you convince your daughter to let me go with her? She needs me” Natasha comments, carried away by the drink. You don't take your eyes off her as you return the comment.

“Can you convince your daughter to trust me? I know what I’m doing” Natasha and Alexei laugh, quickly moving on to another topic, but when you look at Melina, she’s not laughing, she’s looking straight at you.

It wasn’t a look of demand, or questioning. It was simply… understanding. Melina knew. It wasn’t a mystery, it didn’t need to be said.

She watched you like a mother watches the sick body of her child in a hospital bed, like a mother watches her child on her knees at the foot of a cross, like a mother who has her child taken from her because it was all a lie. And yet, she accepts that there is no other way. Because all she wanted was to make sure that you were at peace with your choice.

At that moment, you understood that your mother, if she wanted to, could grab you and ask you to stay. She could beg you, like any mother would, not to go, not to leave her. But Melina didn’t do that.

If her daughter wanted to stay, she would be there, by her side, as always. But if her daughter wanted to go, wanted to rest, to do what she thought was right... Melina would understand too.

And there was nothing more painful than that.

That's why you hold her hand until the end of dinner.

You walk to the door first, handing Natasha her coat and putting on her boots, you let her hug her parents first, and soon after you are pulled into Alexei's bear hug.

It took years to admit that the best decision you made was to forgive the man - for both of you, and now here you are, sinking into the hug.

You look at him for a moment, cradling his smiling face.

"You really need to shave that beard" the man laughs loudly at the affectionate teasing, letting go of you so you can go to Melina.

The woman stops for a moment, a silent conversation, of someone who knows that this would be the last time. She then pulls you into a tight hug, holding you as if she wanted to hold you forever and when she pulls away enough to look at you, all she sees is that little girl who used to come home with flowers rescued from the street.

She smiles, subtly tearful, adjusting the collar of your coat.

“Mommy loves you... Daddy loves you…” she murmurs, unable to contain herself, because you have always been mommy’s little girl.

“Someone got emotional after so much wine” Alexei smiles, putting his arm around his wife’s shoulder who holds his hand tightly. Natasha smiles a little confused at the door, and you just keep your eyes on the older woman you secretly say goodbye to.

“Take care of her”

“I always do” Alexei replies, but Melina nods, knowing you were talking to her.

You climb into the car and leave Melina and Alexei’s house behind, Mom and Dad’s house, happy to imagine how happy they will be to have Yelena back, to grow old together, because they will always care for each other.

As soon as you return to your room in the tower, Natasha presses your body against the door, pulling you into a wine-flavored kiss as your coats and shoes are removed.

Your head falls back as her lips press against your throat, a shiver running through your bodies and a heat pooling in your stomach.

Natasha takes a deep breath and then exhales shakily, her hand slowly sliding under your shirt. A small sigh escapes her mouth at your reaction, her hand slowly sliding over your belly. She kisses the sensitive skin of your collarbone, her tongue darting out briefly to taste you as her knee stops between your thighs.

Her lips find the spot on your neck where she feels your pulse throbbing beneath her mouth, and she sucks gently before nibbling with her teeth. Her nose is pressed against your ear and she murmurs softly, her words coming out almost as moans.

"You feel so good... God...” Her eyes, dark with desire, roam your face, taking in the way your cheeks are flushed from the alcohol, the way your lips are slightly parted and swollen.

She carries you to the bed, her body hovering over yours, her settling between your legs as if she belongs there. Her gaze is intense as she looks down at you, her hand moving to caress your face, her thumb tracing your bottom lip.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” she murmurs, her voice low and rough, sending shivers down your spine.

“I know” you smirk, kissing her thumb. She lets out a shaky breath, her eyes darkening even more as she watches your lips move against her thumb. She leans closer, her body pressing against you, her knee gently pushing between your thighs.

“Cocky” she whispers, before capturing your mouth in a deep, desperate kiss.

Her tongue tastes yours, her mouth moving hungrily against you, as if she’s starving and you’re the only thing that can quench her thirst. Her knee presses against you again, a moan escaping her throat at the feel of your heat against her thigh.

She moves her hand to cup your breast, squeezing it gently, her thumb brushing over your sensitive nipple. Your breath comes out in ragged gasps as she continues to kiss you, nibbling on your bottom lip softly before her mouth drops to your neck, biting gently as her hand leaves your breast and slides down your body, her nails raking your skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps.

You grab her hand, bringing it to your breast again, her mouth leaving your neck to capture your moans in a deep kiss, her tongue sliding between your lips, swallowing the sounds you make. Her hand squeezes your breast again, her thumb sliding over your nipple through your shirt, and she feels you arch into her touch. Her knee presses against you again, harder this time, a soft sigh escaping her mouth at the feel of your heat against her.

“You’re so wet” she moans against your mouth. Her fingers trail down, feeling the wetness through your pants, and she lets out another shaky breath. She breaks the kiss to look up at you, her eyes roaming your face as her fingers press against you through your pants.

“Please…” you gasp, moving your hips against her hand. Her heart feels like it’s going to explode at your pleading words, and she can’t help but moan softly in response. Her hand trembles as she presses her palm against you.

“Yeah?” she whispers, looking up at you, her fingers slowly sliding inside your pants to touch you directly. You gasp loudly, she feels the heat radiating from you as she touches you, and lets out a deep sigh at the feel of the heat against her fingers. “You’re so wet…” she whispers again, her forehead pressed against yours.

Her mouth is on yours again, her tongue sliding into your mouth, and she kisses you deeply, her fingers sliding further down to find your entrance. She rubs against you gently at first, before slowly pushing in, her fingers moving in and out. She moans into your mouth, her heart racing as she feels how ready you are.<\ br> Her fingers start moving faster as she watches you arch against her, your heart feeling like it’s about to explode. She moans softly again, her mouth moving away from yours to trail down your neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses and soft bites as her fingers pick up the pace. She feels you squeezing her fingers, and it drives her crazy, a low moan escaping her mouth as she buries her face in your neck.

“You feel so good” she whispers in your ear, her lips brushing your skin softly. For a second she kisses your temple, speaking into your ear. “You need to be quieter, detka. There are more people in this tower, you know” you only whimper louder at that comment.

“F-fuck, let them hear” you dig your nails into her shoulders as you ride her fingers in and out, and she lets out a soft sigh at your words.

"Do you want them to hear us? To know what I'm doing to you right now?" she murmurs in your ear, her teeth grazing the skin of your neck as she leaves a trail of wet kisses down your throat.

“Y-yes…” she feels you tightening your grip on her fingers, and her heart starts to beat even faster. She leans closer to your ear, breathing heavily and heavily, and whispers.

“Then let them hear you. Let them hear how you feel” you cry out loud as she curls her fingers in the way she knows you like.

Your breathing is ragged, your chest heaves unevenly as she squeezes her fingers even tighter, listening to the sounds coming from you, her mouth moving towards your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bites. She feels herself getting more and more aroused, her thoughts consumed by you and everything you're doing right now.

“Don't stop… don't stop, don't stop…” you plead, she can't stop, even if she wants to. She is so lost in you, so full of desire and need, that she would do anything you asked. She begins to move her fingers still faster, her mouth leaving hickeys on your neck and her eyes closing as she focuses on nothing but making you feel good.

She knows you well enough to know when you’re close.

She feels your body tense, hears you crying loudly, and it drives her crazy. Her fingers move even faster, her own body becoming desperate as she presses herself against you, desperate for any kind of friction. "

“Come for me” she whispers, her lips brushing your neck, her fingers intertwined inside you. “Come for me, please, come for me”

And you explode instantly, moaning loudly as your juices fill her hand. Every time she thinks this is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen in her life, you coming undone like this, feeling it in her hand and seeing it on your face. Her body tenses as she watches, her breathing labored and labored.

She can’t get enough of you, her fingers slowly stilling as you lower yourself, her hand slowly slipping from between your legs. She moans softly as she stares at the mess you’ve made on her fingers, her heart racing as she looks up at your face. She brings your fingers to her mouth, licking the stickiness off them, never taking her eyes off you.

You just lie there, exhausted and satisfied. Her heart is still pounding in her chest, and she feels a little dizzy after that intense moment. She licks your finger one last time, her eyes roaming over your face, taking in your exhausted, glassy expression. She can't help but feel a possessive pride at seeing you like this, knowing that she was the one who made you look like this. She lies down next to you, pulling you into her arms gently.

"Are you okay?" she murmurs, nuzzling into your neck.

"Uh-huh, just need a sec…” you pull her into your chest, hugging her, she sighs contentedly.

She nuzzles her face into your neck, there's a mess of strands of hair and bare skin, Natasha hugs your torso tightly, hands firm against your back while her fingers are tangled in the red locks.

"If I die on this mission... I want you to be able to move on" your chest hurts at her words, the truth is that until now you've been ignoring the fact that Natasha might not come back either.

“Don’t say that...” you sigh, pulling her even closer, but she pulls away enough to look at your face in the darkness. “You’ll be with the others, you’ll be walking down paths you’ve already walked... there’s no reason not to come back” You stay silent for a moment, watching each other, exchanging a passionate caress.

“Why do you have to be the only one to take the risk?” Your tones were low, you sigh, brushing strands of hair from her face.

“If you die and I live... I only have our family, but with you it’s different, you’re an avenger, the whole world needs you..”

“I don’t care, I’m just a symbol”

“You’re more than that... more people need you than they need me”

“I need you more than anyone in the world could ever need me” You stay silent for a moment longer, just the sound of your breathing, your warm breath hitting your faces and your hands moving timidly now.

“Neither of us is going to die, okay? Let’s go back with these damn stones and bring Yelena home” You kiss her hair, Natasha sighs regretfully, wanting to prolong the discussion, but you both knew it would lead to nothing in the end. So she clings to you and you cling to her, as if you both didn’t know it could be the last time.

The night seemed denser than ever. Silence filled the space in an almost suffocating way, and the calm sound of Natasha’s breathing against your chest was the only thing that could cross your mind. You watched her as she slept, her hair spread across the pillow, her face serene, as if nothing in the world could take away that calm.

You remained stoic with the idea of ​​death, you accepted your fate, but only at that moment, you were afraid. Only at that moment did you not want to die.

You didn’t want to leave Natasha. You didn’t want to leave anything. You didn’t want it to be like this.

You closed your eyes tightly, trying to hold back the tears, but they came anyway, silently. You held Natasha a little tighter, as if you could absorb the pain.

Then you thought about Yelena, you remembered why you were doing this, and the next morning, when you received that white uniform, you knew you wouldn't go back.

There was only one last obstacle: Clint.

"I can't let you do this” the man shakes his head, sitting on one of the benches in the hallway after you told him your intentions on that mission. "I can't do this to Natasha, she's my best friend... and you're my friend too, there has to be another way” he stands up, walking towards you.

"There must be dozens of other ways, but we don't have that much time, do we?" you keep your arms crossed, firm in your decision. Clint looks at you for a moment, faced with your stubbornness.

“Damn it, Y/N!” he exasperates “if you had told us, we could..”

“Could we what, Clint? Waste time looking for a solution? What if it doesn’t exist? How would we make that decision?” you point out, the man just looks at you for a moment before rubbing his face to enter the room.

“I can’t...” but before he can, you grab his arm.

“Do you want your family back?” you ask as if you didn’t know that’s what he wants most “then make sure this works”

You know you appealed, that it was a low blow. But you also know that it worked because of the way the man hugged you, and you needed it to work.

“Six Stones, three teams, one chance” it was time.

You all walk under the golden light to the base of the Quantum Tunnel. “Five years ago we lost, all of us. We lost friends, we lost family, we lost a part of ourselves..” Steve says, of course he does, what would a great mission be without Captain America’s famous words?

You, like the others, use this short period of time to organize your thoughts, remember the life you had, wish you had been able to say goodbye to the ones you love better.

However, Natasha’s hand is in yours, her index finger taps against the back of your hand in a rhythm that repeats I love you and you can’t take your eyes off her.

“Today we have the chance to get it all back, meet your team, meet your mission..” Steve continues, and you just look away from Natasha on your right side, when Clint approaches your ear from the left side.

“I’m sorry” he says, full of remorse, and you look at him confused. “Nebula told me that for the sacrifice to work, it must be in the presence of someone who truly loves you... you are my friend Y/N, but I need to make sure this works”

“Take the Stones, bring them back. One trip for each of you, you can’t make mistakes... be careful, take care of each other” your heart is racing, not understanding the implications of the words of the man who looks at you with so much guilt “this is the fight of our lives, we will win... no matter what it takes” no matter what it takes.

You feel disoriented, what does Clint mean?

Everyone gets in position.

“Promise you’ll bring her back in one piece, right?” Rocket says, and your stomach drops, your heart freezes when you see that he’s talking to Natasha.

“I’ll do my best” the Widow smiles, and then she looks at you “I don’t care about any Guardian, we’re in this together… until the end”

You look at her, you look at Rocket, you look at Nebula, you look at the Captain, and you look at Clint, and he flinches at the glimpse of betrayal in your eyes.

A betrayed look that asks: What have you done?

And a second later you’re being sucked into the tunnel.

Vormir was cruelly beautiful, like a place where life would never dare to remain for long. Thick fog crept over deep valleys and mountains as black as ancient coal. There was no wind, but the air seemed heavy in the lungs, dense, almost solid, as if the planet itself knew what those who arrived there had come for.

The sky was a somber purple, dotted with stars so distant that they seemed to refuse to illuminate this forgotten corner of the universe. The rocks stood around like indifferent sentinels, witnesses to countless deaths and sacrifices made at the foot of that abyss.

Inside the ship, the internal lights cast bluish hues over the tense faces, while the silence was broken only by the signals of the ship adjusting its landing. No natural sound came from outside. No animals, no wind, no rustling.

It was a cemetery of promises. An altar to the end. And Vormir watched them, hungry.

“Under different circumstances, this would be amazing…” Natasha comments, she looks at you but you don’t respond, you couldn’t respond, you felt sick. You accepted the idea of ​​dying, but you could never accept the idea of ​​dying in front of Natasha. “Hey...” she approaches, holding your face “what’s happening to you?”

What could you say?

That you were about to abandon her?

Leave this life behind.

Then there’s Clint’s betrayal, and it breaks you, because your life began with a betrayal and it will end the same way.

You hesitated, opened your mouth, but no words came. Just a weak, broken smile, the kind of smile Nat knew all too well.

“Y/N…” she whispered “talk to me…”

Your chest hurt. It was like every beat made it clearer that you didn’t want to go. That you wanted more dinners, more bad jokes from Alexei, more lazy mornings with Natasha, more movies with Yelena and plans with Melina.

And you want so badly to lie right now, to say you’re just scared, and to hear Natasha tell you that you’re going home, but you can’t.

Natasha stared at you for a while. Her brow furrowed slightly, her eyes searching your face as if searching for the crack through which she could reach the truth.

“I’m not going back with you…” You speak softly, as if your soft tone could ease anything. Natasha looks at you confused, she looks at you with immediate pain because it's not what she wants to hear.

“Don't say that... we're going to get the stone and we're going back, you and I…” she holds your face tighter as you shake your head.

“Gamora wasn't murdered, she was sacrificed”

For a moment, everything on the ship seems suspended, frozen in time. The sound of the engine disappears, or maybe it's just Natasha who can't hear it anymore. She stands still, her eyes locked on yours. Her hand still on your face.

She doesn't ask. She doesn't need to. She understands.

The pain comes like a punch, and Natasha shakes her head, as if she can deny reality with that alone. Her eyes water, but she doesn't let the first tear fall.

“No... no, no, no…” the whisper escapes, a broken mantra.

“Nat...”

“No!” She screams, backing away from you. She looks furious, but you know she's just scared. Natasha has never looked so terrified. "Is that why you didn't want me to come? You were just going to leave me?!"

"This needs to be done"

"No! You can't just tell me this is what needs to be done and expect me to accept it!" She paces around the ship, you've never seen her so... uncomposed. You stop her as she walks to the controls, knowing she intends to return to that ship right now, she holds your face "don't do this... don't do this to me, I can't lose you again, I can’t lose you too…" you hold her wrists, touching her forehead with yours.

"Whatever it takes, remember? We need this, we need to bring everyone back, bring her back... I'm okay…” Natasha steps away from you, she feels so betrayed.

"And what about me?!" Natasha's voice is just a whisper, a desperate plea that has nowhere to go. “When you... throw yourself off that cliff, or whatever...” She’s starting to cry now, you both are. She looks at you like she can still convince fate to change its mind. “I get it, you want to do this for her, you want to bring everyone back, but what about me?!”.

You squeeze your eyes shut, take a deep breath as if you’re feeling pain in your chest, and let it out again. She closes her eyes for a second, takes a deep breath, tries to organize her own pain and the anger that comes with it. “I won’t let you” her voice is low, firm, desperate.

“You can’t stop me” God, your chest is tearing. She knows she can’t stop you, not physically, you’re a super soldier. She knows. She’s known since the moment you said it. And that’s what hurts the most.

“I... I won’t let you, I...” she murmurs, only then do you pull her into a tight hug, and she breaks down “I can’t lose you too..” because that’s the point, isn’t it? What if it doesn't work out? She can't lose both of you. "I choose you, remember? Between the world and you... I choose you...”

"It's not about that, my love... it's my choice" you hold her face "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I love you so much, forever... but now you'll be fine without me" Natasha's legs are weak as she falls against your chest.

Natasha's body trembles slightly, but it's you who feels the strength of her anguish. There's no more room for promises, for false hopes. The future is before you, inevitable and silent, but there, in that embrace, there's still something that defies any destiny. Because maybe this was never a story about romantic love, but rather about the love between sisters.

"Maybe in another life" you murmur, your lips pressed against her forehead. Natasha whimpers, because it feels like you've lived hundreds of lives in one, and in none of them does she stay with you.

"In another life”

Maybe it won't be this life yet, but you'll still be each other's lives. Before you leave, Natasha pulls you in for one more kiss, just one more kiss, she wanted just one more kiss, just one more breakfast, lunch, one more dinner. To lie in bed together once more, like those moments when time stops and she stays in your chest forever. If you do this many times over, it will become infinite and she won't have to let you go.

But the hug ends, the silence stretches. With a deep sigh, you take her hand, and without another word, the two of you turn towards the center of Vormir, step by step, knowing what is coming. The shadows of your bodies lengthen as you walk together, side by side, as you always have been, and always will be, in some way.

There will never be another time.

The path to the center of Vormir is cold, desolate. The wind cuts through your skin, as if the planet itself knows what is about to happen. No words are spoken. Only the sound of your footsteps echoing over the stones, over the dead earth.

When you reach the top, the air seems heavier. The sky is perpetually gloomy, a shade of blue and gray that belongs nowhere. And there, in the center, shrouded in shadows, he appears. The hooded figure glides out of the darkness, his deep, ethereal voice cutting through the silence like a blade.

“Welcome” Natasha moves subtly in front of you, protectively. You grab her arm, because you know it’s no use. You know no one there is an enemy, and yet everyone is.

“Who are you?” she asks.

“Consider me a guide…” the figure says “for you, and all who seek the soul stone”

“Oh, great... tell us where it is and we'll go” she tries.

“Oh, if it was that easy…” the figure walks to the edge of the cliff “what you seek is right in front of you... to obtain the stone, you must lose what you love... an eternal exchange” you and Natasha look at each other “a soul for a soul”

The Guardian walks away, it was no longer a decision that was up to him. You just stand there, staring into the abyss, you take off your metal arm, throwing it to the ground. You wanted to die looking as much like yourself as possible.

You approach Natasha who seems lost in thoughts and emotions, and gently turn her face towards you.

“Go home with this Stone, and save the world, okay?” you caress her face with your thumb “and tell Lena... that I loved her more than anything...” Natasha closes her eyes as you kiss her forehead, she holds tightly to your uniform.

“Say it yourself” and she sinks a Widow´s bite into your neck, making you groan and fall to your knees from the shock that runs through your body.

Then the ground explodes next to you both, the Guardian scatters like smoke and when you look up to the sky, a Thanos ship bombards you.

You rip the bite out of your neck, standing up and fighting alongside Natasha against the Titan’s army.

Explosions open up in the arid land like fiery craters, spewing rocks and dust into the air. The smell of burning metal and smoke chokes the thin air.

Shards of rock fall from the cliffs above, and the edges seem about to give way. It’s like fighting at the end of the world, and in a way, it was.

You feel the impact of a nearby explosion, the thud against the body, the shrapnel cutting through the air. Natasha jumps to the side, rolling on the ground and firing back, her hands dirty with blood and dust.

You want to run to her, do everything to get her out of here.

And then you see her.

A figure untouched by the fire, by the ships, by the smell of blood.

Standing, serene, while the world burns around her. She doesn't hold a weapon, she doesn't run, she doesn't scream. She's just there. As if she's been waiting for you forever.

Her eyes meet yours and, in that moment, the war seems insignificant.

"Take her home, she needs to come back!" you beg, as if you could negotiate with death. The figure watches Natasha for a moment, who is still hiding behind the rocks and shooting, she then looks at you, and there you know you have a promise of Death itself.

"Does it hurt? Die?" You can't help but ask, so small, so human.

“It hurts… for a moment” her eyes get lost in the horizon “but then… only relief” you swallow hard, feeling the tears burn, not because of fear, but because you still wanted more time. Death approaches, its hand almost touching your face, almost drying your tears..

“Will it work? Will Yelena come back?” Death watches you in silence for a moment, its eyes reflecting that opaque and infinite sky, and then it smiles slightly, not with joy, but with understanding.

“Does it matter?” she answers, her voice low “the mere chance… is enough to make you sacrifice yourself. You've already chosen. It's not because of certainty. It never is. It's because the love you feel for her is worth more than any guarantee… and if that's all you have… then maybe it's enough”

“I'm scared” you whisper, your voice trembling, unable to contain the weight that builds up in your chest. Death´s gaze doesn’t change, but something in her eyes shines, a calmness that seems to transcend the moment. She watches you, the silence between you heavy, and there’s no judgment in her expression. You’d be a fool if you weren’t afraid.

But fear? Fear is what keeps you alive.

You know that what you’re about to sacrifice isn’t small, and for a moment, everything feels heavier than it should.

And then, finally, Death takes a step closer, her gaze fixed on yours. There are no guarantees, no promises, but there’s a presence, an acceptance in the air.

And you’re no longer afraid.

You start to run. The sound of gunshots, fast and incessant, echoes in the air, piercing the wind and making the stones around you shatter.

You’re hit. Once, twice, three times...

The ground beneath you shakes with the violence of the shots, and the energy beams cut through the air, burning your body. The pain doesn't matter. Nothing else matters. The only thing that echoes in your mind is what's ahead. You know there's no turning back, that the abyss is calling you.

You don't look back, you don't dare. Thanos' army is behind you, and each shot is a reminder that death is not a distant concept. It's there, in the path, in the gunfire, in the pressure, in the decision you've already made. And yet, the vision of the abyss in front of you becomes clearer.

The shots sting your skin, but the pain doesn't stop you. You move forward, with more strength, more speed, with the sound of the echoes of chaos behind you. The abyss approaches, the abyss is the end.

You feel the impact of the ground, your chest slamming hard against the sharp rocks. Your body is bruised, the pain excruciating. Every breath you take is an effort, your heart racing, pounding in your chest.

You crawl. The sensation of blood running down your body as you drag yourself forward. Every inch feels like an eternity.

The gunshots continue, now more distant, your hands touch the rocks, the rough, cold ground, and you use them to pull yourself forward, your labored breathing mixing with the sound of your own desperate movements.

The world around you is a blur, the sound of explosions still reverberating in the caves of Vormir. But none of that matters. You know where you're going, you know you have to go. You keep going, your fingers bleeding, your body almost at its limit, until finally, your hand reaches the edge.

And with one last push, you fall off.

Two days have passed since Yelena returned to her mother and father's arms. Two days that she counts hour by hour, minute by minute. Time seems to stand still in that institution. She paces back and forth across the room, her footsteps marking the old floor. The landline phone rests on the table.

She has tried calling Natasha's number dozens of times. She has tried the Avengers' emergency line. Nothing.

No sign of life. No confirmation. No denial.

Melina's face has the same dark circles as Yelena's, but her mother still has obligations. An entire institution to keep standing, while the world itself seems to be falling apart. And yet, she tries to feign control.

Alexei tries to lighten the mood with jokes that no one has the strength to laugh at. Not even him, really. The three of them are trapped in the same cycle of waiting and despair, without the courage to move on, but without news to leave them behind.

Then, during the afternoon, one of the Widows comes running down the hallway, her eyes wide open, her chest heaving.

"They're back” she announces, breathless, her voice full of hope. Yelena doesn't wait. She runs straight away, her heart in her throat, her feet almost stumbling on the way to the main lobby. And when she gets there, only Natasha is at the door.

Not a heroine. Not an Avenger. Hardly the older sister Yelena remembered, but someone devastated.

She says nothing. Doesn't move. Doesn't attempt a smile.

She just stands there, staring at Yelena, as if she needs a moment longer to believe it. Yelena takes a hesitant step, but stops. Natasha walks slowly, her feet heavy, her body bent as if every muscle were made of lead, the entire lobby seems to shrink around her. When she gets close, she stops again.

Her eyes red. Her hands stained. Her lips half-open, but no words find their way.

She doesn't look for anyone. She doesn't call out. She doesn't explain.

The only thing alive in her is her breathing, slow, tired, as if she had just run away from something.

The widows stop, Melina appears in the hallway, Alexei close behind.

But Natasha doesn't see them. She doesn't react.

And Yelena can't wait any longer.

She crosses the distance, her chest pounding, and when she reaches her sister, the hug happens without warning. A dull blow of arms, hands and accumulated pain.

It's not pretty, nor is it careful.

Yelena reaches her, the impact of the hug almost knocks Natasha over. For a moment, her body remains rigid, her arms suspended in the air, as if she doesn't know what to do with them anymore.

Natasha gives in. That's all.

She buries her face in her sister's shoulder, her fingers clenching tightly in the fabric of Yelena's blouse, and her body trembles, not from the battle, not from the wounds, but because something in her has broken, and stayed.

Yelena feels it. In the irregular breathing against her neck, in the almost unbearable weight that Natasha lets fall on her.

There are no questions.

There are no answers.

The war is over.

But Natasha brought the war with her.

That moment stuck in time, where the two of them try to exist in the same space again, even though it is empty of anyone else, instinctively, her gaze wanders through the lobby, passing behind Natasha, searching for a shadow, a figure, a voice, anything. Nothing.

“Where is she?” the voice comes out low, almost a whisper. Almost a plea.

Natasha closes her eyes. Her face falls in a way that Yelena has never seen. No mission, no mistake, no loss before had broken Natasha Romanoff like this.

Her legs give way.

Natasha falls to her knees on the cold concrete floor, and before Yelena can understand, her sister holds her again, clinging to her like a castaway.

The crying comes out uncontrollably. A strangled, hoarse, painful sound. Her shoulders tremble with the weight of what she can't say. Alexei and Melina are already there, standing behind her, and by the expression on their faces, Yelena no longer needs answers. She feels the world falling apart. Yelena strokes Natasha's hair, not knowing whether to comfort or beg. The absence is deafening.

The sky that afternoon had the faded tone of someone who no longer knew if it was day or night. Clint's farm looked different.

It was as if time had also been torn apart along with them. The marks of the battle were still everywhere.

But there, under an old tree at the edge of the land, a small plot of land had been set aside.

There was no coffin. There was no body.

Just a makeshift wooden plaque, with her name hand-carved, the letters irregular. Clint had done it. Maybe because he had to, or because it was the only thing he could do.

Yelena was there, Natasha's coat draped over her shoulders, her hands closed in her pockets. Her eyes red, but dry. As if the crying had already stopped and only that strange, silent emptiness remained.

Natasha was a few steps away, standing, her arms crossed over her chest, her gaze fixed on the plaque. It seemed smaller. As if she had left some part of herself on Vormir and the only thing that came back was what she could carry.

Melina came next, and without saying anything, left a flower on the ground. A small gesture, but it made Yelena look away, unable to bear it.

Clint tried to say something, but his voice failed him before he could say it. He just let out a sigh, running his hand over his face. Alexei was further back, finally clean-shaven.

There were no speeches. No tributes.

Just a pile of broken people.

Natasha finally approached, kneeling down near the plaque, picked up a small ring made from a flower stem and left it under the plaque, a gift for someone who could no longer receive it.

She said nothing. She just closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, the tears were still there. But she didn't wipe them away.

Yelena took a step, then another, and when she stopped next to her sister, her hand found hers. No words. Just the certainty that this would hurt forever.

"Isaac” Natasha called as everyone left, the boy turned to her, saying something to the woman who was with him and going to the Widow. "How are you?" she asked as if the answer wasn't the same for everyone.

“She was my mother” is all the boy says, all he needs to say. You were his mother, regardless of the years apart, regardless of what is true or false, because the pain he feels now is very real.

Natasha watches him leave with his family like everyone else, each one collecting their own grief in the way they can.

The few Avengers who remain wave in regret, they all lost a friend. Clint was there to catch Natasha when she fell to her knees upon returning from the mission. Steve didn't leave her side, Thor told her to be strong. Many of them knew what it was like to lose a loved one. The Guardians were there, you have captivated beings throughout the galaxy with your infinite kindness and compassion – Rocket carrying your arm with him.

Melina stands behind, her face tired, her eyes even older than before. She looks at Yelena and Natasha for a moment, as if gathering courage, and then takes something out of her coat pocket.

A small, simple flash drive, the plastic scratched by time.

Melina holds it as if it weighs tons.

She approaches Natasha, her hands shaking slightly.

“She asked me to give this to Yelena when I see her again” Melina says, her voice hoarse, almost inaudible.

Natasha picked up the object as if it were thin glass, and for the first time since Vormir, she seemed to truly exist, practically running into Clint's house and into the office, followed by the others. The office was silent. The curtains were still open, letting the sunset invade the room, tinting the walls a pale orange. Standing in front of Clint's old computer, with trembling fingers, Natasha inserted the flash drive into the slot. For a moment, nothing. Just the blue screen reflecting everyone's anxious expressions.

A single video file appeared.

From five years ago.

With the title: Goodbye.

Natasha clicked. The image took a while to appear, shaky, with washed-out colors, like every home video. And then there you were.

Five years younger. Your hair a little longer, your expression less tired, your eyes full of that glow that no war had yet managed to erase.

Sitting on the couch in the old house you and Natasha shared for a while, the lighting dim, the sound of rain hitting the window in the background.

You awkwardly adjusted the camera.

“If you’re watching this... it’s because I died” you said seriously, before bursting into a laugh, that low laugh that everyone there would recognize anywhere “I always wanted to say that... but seriously, if you’re watching this it’s because I was stupid enough to go on this mission and not come back”

You took a deep breath. Your eyes stared at the camera, and it was as if you were looking directly at each of them. "I don't know what's going to happen. We're going after something big... bigger than anything we've ever faced. And if I don't come back...” you hesitated, ran your hand over your face, and your voice broke "Lena... you've always been the good part of this world for me, I wish I had spent more time as your sister, but I enjoyed every second I was there. And if I don't come back… live. Live everything. Don't get stuck in any of this here... and stop hide Kate's bow and arrow... she's a good girl" you laugh, and Yelena also laughs tearfully with you, looking to the side to see Kate who had red eyes, she hugs her friend's shoulders.

"Mom and dad..” you continue "I don't remember when I started calling you that... I just know that forgiving you was the best decision I ever made in my life, because it was what led us to be a family again, and we were a good family in the end...” Melina and Alexei hug each other, smiles on their faces, you were good.

“Make sure Isaac’s college is already paid for, he’s going to be a great physical therapist…” you smile proudly “take care of my boy... what else...?” you pretend to think. “Oh, of course! Natasha, my love...” you smile playfully “I know you’re going to try to blame yourself for everything, because that’s what you do. But don’t, okay? Not this time. I chose to be here. I chose to fight. And I would have chosen it a thousand times if it meant one more day with you, with everyone” you sigh and the smile breaks a little, but remains in your eyes. In the room, Natasha closes her eyes, her face hidden between her hands as the video continues, Yelena holds her breath. “If I don’t come back… don’t forget about you. Don’t bury yourself in what you lost. Because if there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that we survive. We find a way. And you deserve it, Romanoff. You deserve more than pain...” you laugh lightly. “You are the love of my life, always have been, and always will be, that's why... I hope this works…”

You stand still in the video, and suddenly Clint's printer starts working. Natasha picks up a blueprint of a house, with coordinates and a red heart in the center. To grow old in

“I hope this worked, it's a trick the programming girls taught me, if it didn't work I just looked like stupid...” you smile awkwardly “it's a beautiful place... you'll like it, there aren't a thousand trees, but I think I got close...” Natasha holds the blueprint of the house against her chest, as if it were the only breath of air in the world. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Natasha Romanoff, and I'm grateful for what we've lived together so far... I love you, I love you so much. I love all of you. If this is the last memory I have left, forgive me for the bad jokes” you approached the camera, still with that trace of irony that no end of the world could erase. “And if there is a hereafter… I'll be there, waiting on the porch with a cup of coffee, playing this one...”

You get up from the chair, running to the back of the room, a crowded bookshelf from where you grab a vinyl record and put it to play. You leave the frame and for the next few minutes it's just an empty room, playing the song that everyone knew well.

The day the music died

So bye bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey 'n rye

Singin': This'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die

Chapter Text

The wind hit her face hard at the top of the building, the gusts of air flowing freely, the sky was gray, the sun couldn't be seen even above the clouds, or maybe everything just seemed that way now.

Yelena watched the city from up there, as full as the rest of the world.

You did it, you brought everyone back.

You fucking idiot.

2years have passed since you sacrificed yourself on Vormir, 2 years since Yelena came back only to find out she would never have you again, your welcoming touch, your always right words, it was annoying how you managed to do that, make everything okay.

And since you left, nothing has been okay. That's why Yelena is at the top of this building, that's why she doesn't hesitate to take another step and fall the 678 meters of Merdeka 118, before opening her parachute at the last second and landing at the Grand Hyatt Kuala Lumpur. After a lot of struggle – it’s never easy – she leaves with a burning building… and a guinea pig.

No one disagreed when Yelena decided to leave the widows to work for Valentina, even though everyone knew it wasn’t the correct line of work. But honestly, which one of them has ever been correct?

See the need to blow up luxurious buildings, steal from impenetrable safes and cause a death or two along the way as Yelena’s way of healing.

That’s how everyone saw it, and each one was healing in their own way.

Melina, completely immersed in her work. That institution was her life, taking care of all those girls as if that could come close to taking care of you.
She missed you at 11pm planning new activities because she couldn’t sleep, she missed you in a room full of people she cares about.

Alexei, midlife crisis, is one way to call it.
The man tried everything, all the walks and meditations, he tried to learn an instrument and even spent some time in prison, he wrote books that no one read, he even watched movies with subtitles, he's trying carpentry.
Alexei is enjoying every minute of his day, in an exaggerated and unconvincing way, he thinks that living is the best way to honor your death, and he won't think about it so much if he keeps himself entertained.

Natasha never went to live in that house, she stayed at the institute with her father and mother, she took your old room, where she kept everything untouched as much as she could, she sobbed feeling your smell in the sheets, she used a box from your sneakers to bury the kitten that left a month after you didn't return.

Natasha doesn't talk about what happened in Vormir, she never talks about what it was like to see you dragging yourself to that cliff, it's a kind of pain that even after years makes her wake up in the middle of the night, feeling the space being bombarded around her.

She remembers you on your knees in front of her, the relief of thinking for just a second that she had changed fate, that you would be okay even if you were the only one watching her make the sacrifice in your place.

Then Thanos’ army attacked, and she remembers thinking that they weren’t even tired, they were there, faithfully following their leader’s orders, and they weren’t tired.

While she was tired, Natasha was exhausted, hurt, she wanted to go home, she wanted to take you home. She didn’t want to be there, she definitely didn’t want you there.

And she remembers thinking: “Can’t I?”

Couldn’t she just take your hand, walk away, and let the world burn? Couldn’t she let it be someone else’s problem? Just this once… and you could both rest.

Then she saw you running towards that damn cliff and thought: “You blasted fool. Don’t you know we can go home?”

But she knew it was what you wanted, she could see the triumph in your face even when the first shot went through your chest.

She didn't have the courage to look over the edge, she didn't want it to be the last she saw of you. She didn't ask herself if dying hurt, you were dead even before you hit the ground.

But she knew it was what you wanted. Even when everything turned into a thick fog, and suddenly she was on her knees over her own reflection, your metal arm lying a few feet away and the weight of a soul in the palm of her hand.

Even though she was crying out loud in the middle of that paradise, begging God or whatever was listening incessantly. Please not her...

She knew there was no other way, you didn't want there to be, and you always fought for what you wanted until the end.

Natasha doesn't remember how she got back to the jet, sometimes she thinks she was guided by something that carried your scent, she doesn't remember falling to her knees on the floor of the base, Clint right next to her to support her. Then they took you from her hands for the last time.

She doesn't remember the battle:

"Is everyone here?" someone asked.

"Did you want more?"

Just one more.

She doesn't remember the victory, maybe because it wasn't a victory for anyone. And when everyone knelt for Tony Stark, she knelt for you.

She doesn't remember who read her imposed later, removing most of her skin with a damp cloth in the hospital wing improvised by Wakandan soldiers and agents of what was left of SHIELD.

She remembers meeting Yelena again, thinking she was in heaven, but how could she? You weren't there, and she was in hell, and has been there for the last 2 years.

Natasha is 40 now, which is still very young and she sees this as an act of survival.

She retired, finally retired. No more saving the world, no... the most action she has had are the free self-defense classes she gives every Tuesday and Thursday, now she spends her days walking around the institute, doing what needs to be done, she has dinner with her parents and goes back to her room, reads Russian detective novels.

Which Yelena finds very depressing.

"Hiiii...” came humming, from the door of the room, where Yelena kept only part of her body inside. Natasha looks up from the pages of the book to her, taking in her blonde hair now past her shoulders, her baggy clothes, and her smoky eyeliner.

“I thought I wouldn’t see you for more two weeks” she turns her attention back to the book. Yelena rolls her eyes.

“You wouldn’t, but what can I do? I’m great at my job” she then walks fully into the room. “I got you a guinea pig” Natasha’s eyes quickly dart back to her, and to the cage she’s holding carefully, filled with sawdust, colorful little pots, and, sure enough, a guinea pig.

“You what?” Yelena holds the small cage up toward her.

“I got you a guinea pig” she repeats, as if saying it one more time will make it make sense. Natasha sets the book aside, sitting on the edge of the bed with her bare feet against the cold floor as she processes the news.

“Why?” Yelena shrugs, leaving the cage on the desk, opening it to pick up the peaceful animal.

“You look bored” she offers the piglet to Natasha with a smirk on her face.

“So you decided to give me a rodent?” She doesn’t move to accept the offer, Yelena rolls her eyes, leaving the little pig on her lap and sitting next to her.

“It’s not just a rodent, it’s a pet”

“To shit all over my floor?” She looks at the small animal nestling in her sweatshirt that was once yours. Yelena chuckles softly.

“It’ll be good company”

“I could use the good company of a cat” Yelena raises an eyebrow at that comment.

“So you’ll be devastated like you were when that hundred-year-old cat died? No ma’am... not to mention that guinea pigs are also easier to care for and don’t require as much energy” she leans on her elbows, watching Natasha start to interact with the animal.

“It’s kind of… cute or whatever” she pats his little head. Yelena’s smirk turns into a small smile at the admission, the guinea pig lets out low whistles, seeming to enjoy the attention.

“I knew you two would get along… have you thought of a name yet?”

“Any ideas?” Yelena sits up, studying the furry little creature carefully.

“Nugget. Because it’s small and the color of a chicken nugget” a laugh escapes Natasha, Yelena smiles at the sound “what? That’s a great name!” the guinea pig whistles in agreement, at least that’s what Yelena tells herself.

“It’s perfect”

“Nugget it is then”

Natasha stands up and walks to the desk, carefully leaving Nugget in the cage, Yelena stands up too, standing behind her. For a moment the room is quiet, almost dark if it weren't for the lamp next to the bed.

Yelena shifts a little, as if preparing herself to say something important, Natasha notices this, turning fully to her sister.

“I have something to show you... but don't make a scene, I've had enough of that from Melina and Alexei...” the younger girl says, putting her hand in her jacket pocket. Natasha notices, in the palm of her sister's hand, the shape of a coin, made of purple plastic. “They call it Persistence... 2 months sober...”

Yelena started drinking a few mounths after everything ended, it started as a bad habit, she's Russian, that's what they do. But then everyone saw that it was more than that.

The problem is that having people by your side doesn't always prevent you from falling into an addiction. Especially when you use that addiction to treat your PTSD, your feeling of disconnection, your guilt, your denial of grief. All of this combined with her fury and impulsiveness.

It had been a long few months, a hard, painful path to reach this point, to stand here now with that symbol in her hand.

Natasha took the coin, still trying to process the weight of that merit. It was as if she was remembering a time when she never thought this moment would come.

And she does remember.

She remembers finding Yelena passed out on the bathroom floor, hiding bottles in drawers and behind bookshelves, drinking perfume when there was nothing else left.

Calling out for a sister she barely recognized. She remembers pushing two fingers down the younger one’s throat, wiping vomit off her clothes, out of her blonde hair, whispering words Yelena couldn’t even hear.

Holding her through quiet sobs, as Yelena kept apologizing over and over.

“I’m so alone…”

Natasha comes back to the present with a knot tightening in her throat. Her eyes lift to Yelena’s face and what she sees now is something fragile, but glowing. Like a flame just beginning to catch.

And she feels so guilty for the doubt sitting heavy in her chest…

She’s seen Yelena try to get sober countless times over these past months. And every time, it ended the same way.

“Two months…” she repeats, almost a whisper “That’s… Yelena, that’s huge”

Yelena gives a faint smile, not pride, just exhaustion.

Natasha feels guilty for not doing more. For not being one of the voices that urged her into therapy, for not taking her to AA meetings, for not staying
Because while Yelena was crawling through every bar in the city, Natasha was lying on her bedroom floor, trying to make your face in the picture frame stop blurring.

“I don’t know how long it’s going to last” Yelena confesses, and that’s what makes this time different “But… it’s the first time it feels real”

Natasha grips the coin tighter than she means to.
There’s so much she wants to say. That she’s proud. That she’s scared.
Scared Yelena will relapse, scared it’ll break her again, scared that next time, she won’t make it back.

Natasha wants to say she’s always scared. Scared when Yelena’s drinking, scared of an overdose, a crash, an accident that may or may not be accidental. Scared when Yelena’s sober, because all she can do is wait for the fall.

She looked at Yelena with raised eyebrows, and without thinking she raised her clenched fist towards the younger girl. Yelena looked at her outstretched hand, a smile forming on her face.

“Bump? Are you trying to bump me right now?” she teased, only then did Natasha realize what she had done.

“I’m sorry…” she shook her head embarrassed, while Yelena laughed at her “no, I’m sorry...” she pulls Yelena, who is still laughing, into a strong hug, caressing the smaller girl’s back. “Lena...” she pulls away just enough to hold her sister’s face “I’m so proud of you”

Yelena smiles genuinely, her green eyes shining in a way Natasha hadn’t seen in a long time. It was as if, for the first time in a long time, Yelena was truly okay.

And Natasha knew how much those words meant to her, she looks back at the coin, Yelena smiling beside her.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” there’s certainly no chance Natasha is denying.

“Of course...” she says softly, walking over to the small bed.

“Yep!” Yelena celebrates, before jumping over her and grabbing the corner of the wall.

She doesn’t even wait for Natasha to adjust herself properly, and hugs her sister’s back as soon as Natasha reaches out to turn off the lamp. Nat snuggles into bed, pulling her sister's hand against her chest and intertwining their fingers. Yelena rests her head against her back, giving her a little kiss.

"Good night, Tasha...” she whispers, Natasha smiles, closing her eyes.

"Good night, Lena...”

"Good night, Nugget!"

"Oh, right! Good night, Nugget!"

 Mornings were always quiet at the institute, the girls did calm activities like yoga and meditation and had breakfast together in the great hall. Natasha's family had a space reserved for them, more intimate, a small room that looked like a house, where they had breakfast. It was the same breakfast as always, but Melina insisted on making it special this time, because her youngest had been sober for 2 months.

"We have to have a party!" Alexei suggests, he never misses an opportunity to have a party.

“What?! No! No way!” Yelena dismisses with a frown, bringing the man’s spirits down.

“Yelena, sobriety is a very important thing” this is coming from the man who drinks rum for breakfast. The blonde just rolls her eyes, eating her eggs.

“That’s not a bad idea...” Melina says, raising her hand in a plea for patience as her daughter argues “we can include a celebration party for the girls who are recovering from addictions in the institution... there are many of them” the woman elaborates, sipping her tea.

“A lot of what?” Natasha appears with her gym bag, ready to go to her Tuesday classes.

“These two want to turn my sobriety into an event” Natasha just raises her eyebrows, not surprised by the gesture.

“It’s not like that, we just think it’s important to celebrate the small victories too...” Melina defends while Yelena once again rolls her eyes.

“Just hearing that makes me want to drink again...” she mumbles, receiving a look from the three “I’m just kidding, Geez...”

She feels relieved when her cell phone rings and gives her an excuse to leave.

Yelena walks closer to the window, her eyebrows furrowing as she looks at the number she knows well.

“Valentina” she answers with disdain, receiving a look from the three at the table.

“Look at that tone that I love... and here I thought you were already missing me” Valentina had this ability to sound cold while sounding charismatic and sarcastic at the same time, Yelena hated it.

“Eat shit, Valentina. I just got off work”

“Oh no no no... this one will interest you...” Yelena feels a strange pang of anxiety growing in her chest, she doesn’t like how the woman seems so convinced of this “and not just you, but your sister too” Yelena now feels irritated, how dare she talk about Natasha?

“I assure you she has no interest whatsoever in anything you might offer” she replies harshly, but the woman just laughs, elegant and calculated.

“Oh, she will... and your father? Is that what you call him now?”

“Alexei?” now, more than ever, all the attention at the table is on her “what could he have to do with anything?”

“It’s kind of funny, actually... Alexei calling himself a father, after everything he’s done...”

“Spit it out...” she says through gritted teeth.

“Your father has made many enemies along the way... I'm afraid to say that his most dangerous one is on the way” Yelena's eyebrows furrow in confusion and nervousness.

“What's that supposed to mean? Who the fuck are you talking about?”

“You'll know more details when you agree to help me” Yelena huffs impatiently, her phone tightly gripped in her hand.

“And what does this have to do with you anyway? Someone is after my father, how does that affect you? You don't expect me to believe in your generosity, do you?” the woman chuckles again.

“No, I don't. Believe it or not, even the most brilliant minds make mistakes, the most powerful women can take sides in things they can't control...”

“Stop talking in riddles and just tell me what's going on” The line goes dead for a moment, then a sigh is heard on the other end.

“I made a deal I didn’t intend to keep… but you know the annoying part about not keeping deals? The people you owe to get angry”

“What was the deal?” By this point, everyone was already around her, paying attention.

“I got this new acquisition... a weapon, an anomaly, a goddamn storm in human form...” she pauses, her voice trembling, like she’s struggling to find the right words “God, I don’t even know what it is. I thought that if I played my cards right... I could control it... but no one can” there’s a beat of silence, and when she speaks again, it’s with a bitterness that borders on fear “this thing wanted your father... so I told I’d deliver him on a silver platter in exchange for work, but obviously..."

“You were bluffing...”

Yelena knows Valentina's type well, she didn't work for the woman because she got anything for it other than the chance to keep her mind busy, that's why they got along... if you can call it that.

Yelena didn't charge anything, she wanted nothing more than to be able to break a nose or two a week and be able to sleep at night because her body was tired from a mission, but clearly, not everyone is like that, Yelena always knew that Valentina would get into trouble one day, she just never expected that the woman would find a way to take her together.

“Who did you make the deal with? Is it someone we know?” the laughter came shrill this time, and it said more than words could.

“You could say that...” The four look at each other, trying to think of the long list of enemies Alexei has made along the way.

“Who did you make the deal with, Valentina?”

She asks firmly, with no more time for riddles or sarcasm.

The four fix their eyes on the phone, waiting for whatever it is, but nothing prepares them for what is coming.

“The Winter Soldier”

Chapter Text

Natasha had only felt this sick once before. Wanda had messed with her mind and that of the other Avengers, and it was worse for her because while for them it was a hallucination, for her it was a memory.

And Natasha is sure that if she were under any new mind spell, it would be you she would see.

Both lines go silent, and each of the four has a different reaction.

“Y/N...” Valentina continues, with the same controlled calm as before. Natasha flinches as if she had been punched in the stomach.

No one around her dared to say that name, not out loud, not like that. It was like touching something sacred with dirty hands.

But Valentina says it with an offensive ease, as if she had the right. As if she had earned the privilege of saying it.

And Natasha feels her blood boil, because no, she doesn’t deserve it. She doesn’t have that right.

“Good for everyone, except for herself... that's what they told me” the woman continues without interfering, and a long silence follows “do you think she died like a hero? Tony Stark died like a hero, next week they'll name another avenue after him... that's how heroes are made. No... Y/N didn't die a hero, she died brutalized, young and scared...”

Valentina is a great manipulator, she would encourage Yelena to drink and find out whatever there was to find out... but was she really wrong?

Even with the cynical tone, as if she wanted to open the eyes of everyone in that kitchen to the cruelest reality: The world chooses who becomes a legend and who is forgotten.

Not all heroes receive recognition, your suffering was erased, and perhaps even romanticized, when in fact it was a dirty, unfair, inhumane death.

And Valentina is using this not only to shock, but to justify what she says next:

“In a way, I gave her a second chance, that's what I did... I gave her a chance to have a minimally dignified life and this is how she repays me...” the woman ponders to herself, and it is only at this moment that Natasha comes out of her trance, taking the cell phone from Yelena's hands.

“I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing, but don't you ever dare say that name again” she spits with a rage that she still controls.

“Ah, the Black Widow, the best of them all... what a title! I really admire your work, from villain to heroine...” the smile in the woman's voice makes Natasha hover her thumb over the button to end the call “you don't want to do that... you know, Miss Romanoff, I wonder... after all this, you must wish you had left Y/N at that flower shop”

Natasha's heart broke when she heard those words, the truth of them like a dagger piercing her chest. She wanted to hang up the call to protect herself from the raw honesty, but she couldn't.

A part of the ex-spy, a selfish part, wishes she had. It's selfish because you would still be there with a man you would never truly fall in love with, trapped by a feeling of debt and fear that you saw as cowardice.

Isaac would still be a victim and wouldn't spend Sundays at his grandmother's house with his parents and siblings, you would never find out the truth, and a part of Natasha is selfish for wishing you never had because at least you would still be alive, closing your flower shop, coming home and being welcomed by a hot dinner and the love of your child.

“Y/N wouldn't have chosen anything different” was the truth that Natasha clings to. Since you were a kid they told you that you were born to bleed, and they made sure you did it, and you did it without ever hesitating, without ever wishing for another option. And Natasha doesn't know why she's justifying herself to Valentina.

“Enough! Don't you dare talk about Y/N like that in front of Yelena again or you'll know why I carry my title... goodbye, Valentina”

“She's here” is a bad joke, the worst one of them. That's what Natasha thinks. At some point Valentina will laugh and give meaning to this pain she feels in her chest... this hope.

“I said enough” Natasha’s voice is firm, but her her fingers tremble. It's not anger, not just anger, it's panic, it's hope, it's a hole opening up beneath her feet. She wants to turn it off. She needs to turn it off. "How is this possible?" the words escape, Natasha curses herself for saying them, but it's too late.

"Your friend, Tony Stark. Genius, philanthropist... it's funny, isn't it? How the world was left... orphaned. Without direction, without its great hero. No one knew how to protect certain... precious things" the woman smiles in her voice, she's having fun. Natasha hates this, she also hates the fact that she wants to hear more, even with a knot in her stomach, even with bile rising in her throat.

"What did you do?"

"A time machine? The greatest technology in history, Natasha... left to its own devices"

"You stole the time machine" she says as if it were absurd - because it is.

 “It’s not like anyone would use it. Potts is retired, raising that snot. Riri Williams? A promise, but that’s all... the world needs people willing to make decisions. Courage, Romanoff. You were so good at that...”

“Oh my God...” she doesn’t want to believe it, but she does. Because it’s the only thing that makes sense in the midst of the chaos she feels. “And what? You went back in time and kidnapped her? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?!” She’s irritated now, deeply because just the mention of it makes her feel like your image has been desecrated, your rest.

“Oh, I wouldn’t give her that much credit. But yes, I confess that the idea of ​​having the woman who destroyed armies as the starting point of an unbeatable project caught my attention”

Natasha closes her eyes.
Because even after death, even after the sacrifice.
They still see you as just a weapon.
While she sees you in that flower shop, laughing with Isaac on your lap.
She sees you with your bloody hands and tired eyes.
She sees you falling.
And it's in that instant that Natasha understands: You're alive.

And she doesn't know whether to scream or cry.
Because the woman on the other end of the line is lying.
Or telling the truth.
And neither option is safe.

"What went wrong?" is all she can ask in a voice that barely comes out.

"Well, I'm not fucking Tony Stark... and none of my engineers are, we tried once, the answer? Successful, at least that's what we thought... but you know what's even more brilliant than time travel? Interdimensional travel”

The words fall like an earthquake.

Natasha's stomach sinks.

It's not just the absurdity of the idea. It's what it implies.

If it's not her Y/N... then who?

“You brought someone from another reality...” she whispers, as if trying to put the puzzle together with the wrong pieces. “You took someone from her own life, from a world where maybe she was at peace”

“Or maybe she was in pieces” Valentina replies, without hesitation. Natasha barely hears, her head is too full of images, sounds, the memory of the touch of your skin, the way you laughed when you forgot you were a survivor.

She wants to ask if it’s you.

She wants to hear that it is.

But she’s afraid of the answer.

“Is she the same?” the question comes out as a request.

“She reminds of you”

“That doesn’t answer my question”

“She has the same face. The same body. But... let’s say the flower shop doesn’t exist in this world”

Natasha’s heart breaks once more.

Because the flower shop wasn’t just a place. It was the symbol that you had achieved a life far from blood, from fear, from war.

If in this reality you never had that...

You're still bleeding.

"Where is she now?" Natasha's voice is firm now. Warm. Deadly.

"Oh, God knows how I wish I knew...” the woman sighs, Natasha's eyebrows furrow "wrong dimension, wrong Y/N, we didn't know anything about this version, we didn't know how... unpredictable she could be" the woman admits with a trace of shame. "I know you want to find her now, I say you should run the other way"

"We don't have time for riddles anymore, Valentina" everyone around the room is tense and confused.

“Not me either, my dear. After she catches you, she’ll come after me. That’s why I called, I want to make sure you stop her”

“Why would she come after us? It’s Y/N...” Only then does Yelena have the courage to speak, because she doesn’t like how fearful Valentina’s tone sounds when she talks about you, it’s you...

“It’s not your Y/N, well... you’re not her Yelena... in this Y/N’s universe, she was still raised by the Red Room, she still went to Ohio, she still suffered the plane crash...” the woman’s hesitation seems to last an eternity.

“But...?”

“But the day she suffered the plane crash, she also lost her Natasha and her Yelena...”

The silence that follows is thick, suffocating.

Yelena lowers her eyes, her fists clenched, she says nothing, because she knows there’s no consolation for that kind of truth.

Melina leans against the wall, as if the weight of that revelation were physical. The scientist herself wanted to understand, to calculate, to design. But her mother? Her mother only feels devastation.

Natasha takes a step back. Her hands shake. Not from fear.

From denial.

“Maybe would you like to know that this isn't the worst part?" Natasha almost feels like laughing, of course it's not the worst part, it never is.

"And what is the worst part?" as if they weren't all broken enough.

"Well, isn't it obvious? There was a reason why your Y/N became the Winter Soldier, not something emotional, like something physical. A betrayal that would change the entire course of her life... your betrayal Alexei”

The man’s name falls like thunder inside a temple.

Alexei doesn’t react immediately.

It’s as if the word “betrayal” has crossed the distance between Valentina and him in a straight and accurate line, sticking in the middle of his chest. He blinks, once, twice, and for a moment he doesn’t seem to understand. Or maybe he understands too well.

Yelena and Natasha’s eyes dart towards the man they call father, but they say nothing, no one says anything. The air is too heavy to carry words.

Melina closes her eyes, as if praying for silence, for one more second of ignorance.

Alexei steps back slightly, his shoulders tense, as if he were about to be called to contain some explosion.

The man seems to shrink before them. His chest sinks, his brow furrows. His eyes shine with a dull, defenseless glow. For the first time in a long time, he has no bravado, no jokes, no pride.

“In her world, Alexei... you didn't just cause the accident that turned her into the Winter Soldier... you caused the accident that killed Yelena and Natasha”

Valentina's words aren't spoken coldly, but they're not spoken with pity either. They just exist.

Alexei staggers back a step, as if he's been hit by an invisible punch. The silence that follows is excruciating.

Yelena looks at him with wide, glazed eyes, as if her mind is trying to shield her heart from what she's just heard. She looks small, like a child again.

Melina doesn't say anything, she just crosses her arms, but not as protection, but to contain the trembling in her fingers.

Alexei brings his hands to his face. His fingers press against his eyes, his forehead, his skull. As if he could erase something from there.

As if, with enough force, he could undo a mistake that wasn't even his direct version, but that carries the same origin: him.

“No... no...” his voice is low, hoarse and desolate. Alexei falls to his knees, without dignity or defense.

Yelena kneels beside him, she looks at Natasha, but Natasha doesn't look at anyone, her eyes fixed on the floor as if they could find a way out of this nightmare, an explanation, a reason, anything that doesn't force her to feel what she's feeling.

Natasha closes her eyes, just a woman facing a pain that doesn't belong to her... and, at the same time, belongs more than anything. In the silence that dominates the room, the sound of everyone's heavy breathing is almost deafening.

And then Valentina, with a low voice, almost giving up:

"God have mercy on us”

The call ends. But the weight of what was said, of what was revealed, remains there, hanging like a sentence. Natasha opens her eyes.

A decision begins to form behind them. Because now, more than ever, she knows: You're alive.

And you are coming.

Chapter Text

Natasha has never had much time to process things in her life... she didn't have it when she was a child and was kidnapped by the Red Room, not when she became and stopped being an Avenger, not when she lost you, and not now that you're back. She can only keep running.
And when her parents and sister wander around the kitchen, not knowing what to do, she already thinks of a plan. It never crossed her mind to have to stop you someday, but that's all there is to think about now.

Alexei paces back and forth, trying to understand, to justify. Melina stares at the still-set coffee table as if she expected the pancakes to say something, Yelena looks at Natasha, just looks at her.

"We need to get you out of here" Natasha turns to Alexei before her feelings can be fully chewed. He stops walking, with that usual lost look.

"What?" Melina and Yelena come out of their respective trances as the man asks.

“If the Soldier is really coming, having you here would be a risk, Alexei” she keeps her expression stoic, her voice cold and trained.

“Soldier? It’s Y/N” Yelena says, hurt, as if the name still only means safety and she’s not ready for that to change.

“It’s not her” Natasha answers before thinking. Nausea rises, but she swallows it.

“I’m not going to run away from my daughter” Alexei shakes his head, and then Natasha is holding him by the collar of his shirt.

“She’s not your daughter! She’s a trained assassin with nothing to lose, seeking revenge. She’ll do whatever it takes to get to you and I’m not going to risk the safety of the girls at this institute who will surely want to fight by your side, because God knows how good they are!”

She lets go of his shirt with a shove, takes a step back, but doesn’t cool down. Then she looks at her mother and sister, not as allies, but as possible targets.

“Melina, prepare the vehicles. Yelena, I want all the girls gathered in the gym. Now!” her voice comes out more desperate than it should, anger barely disguising fear.

She can’t allow them to hesitate, Natasha needs to be the base when everyone else crumbles, it’s always been like this.
As the two women leave the room, Alexei just stands there, leaning against the counter, he dares to look at Natasha in disappointment, as if she doesn’t understand.

He opens his mouth to say something, but Natasha is already leaving the room.

The gym is large, and it’s full of buzz that doesn’t stop when Natasha arrives, because they no longer need to fear being punished for their curiosity.
Still, silence respectfully arrives.

“We will be unavailable for an indefinite period of time” she says clearly, causing concern in the eyes of some Widows, tension in the shoulders of others. They were the ones who took care of them, they fear what it will be like without that care.“You will be fine, you will have each other. Janice and Antonia will be in charge of maintaining the line of communication between us” the two women nod at the task they have been given, one of the Widows raises her hand in the middle.

“Yes?”

“Can we know what is going on?” she has the courage to ask what they all want to know, they look at each other and murmur, as if the collective instinct senses what has not yet been said. Natasha sighs, looking at her mother who remains silent and Yelena who seems slightly out of place.

“I assume you have the right to know...” she shifts her weight from one foot to the other “a few minutes ago we received an unexpected call... Contessa Valentina, some of you are already familiar with the name, having worked for her briefly” and indeed some breaths are held. “Valentina called us to tell us about her failed attempt to bring someone from the past, someone who should have had their death, their rest...” Natasha hates how her voice scratches and suddenly her eyes are full of tears “respected...” she chokes, biting the corner of her mouth.

Melina puts a hand on her back, trying to offer comfort, Yelena looks even more upset and embarrassed, all the other widows just wait patiently.

“Valentina brought Y/N back” it is Melina who continues, deciding that her daughter could not have any more of this. A chorus of choking is heard throughout the room, the murmur returning with full force, making the woman have to raise her voice. “As a mother, nothing in the world would bring me as much happiness as I felt in the first seconds I heard this... but things are never that simple, Valentina made a grave mistake, she brought a broken and merciless Y/N from another dimension” Melina doesn’t bother explaining the part about the alternate dimension, she focuses on what is necessary.

“This Y/N is still a victim, she still deserves our compassion and affection...” the woman’s voice breaks, there is nothing in the world she wanted more than to have been able to take care of her little girl “but we don’t know what risks this version presents, mainly because she has Alexei as a personal target” the silence falls, everyone processing what they heard, both the Widows for knowing that you returned, and Natasha for associating that even though you are not her Y/N, you are not an impostor, you are a victim. And she has never been so divided.

The room becomes tumultuous again, between orders and strategies, Natasha closes her eyes for a second, remembering a dream she had a few nights ago.
On the porch of the house that you should have shared together.

The day was not clear or beautiful, a dark blue covers the sky that awaits a storm and the strong wind shakes the branches of the hundred trees around.
You were there.
Thrown over the back of the rocking chair, your head hanging back, your neck exposed, your arms limp, one of your bare feet touching the ground.

Natasha was kneeling.
Her head rested on your lap, her face buried in your stomach, as if praying, as if cry.
Her hands gripped your waist, with that cruel stillness of when you know something precious is falling apart.

Your body was warm. Still.
There was peace on your face. So much peace that it hurt.
While Natasha pleaded.

“Stay with me”

And you answered, with too much tenderness for someone who was leaving.

“I can’t, my love”

“Natasha?” she opened her eyes when Yelena called her, watching her with a worried expression “we need keep going”

Natasha nods, she looks around and only a few widows were still there, others had moved to make sure they had everything they needed.
She goes to the control room, where everyone was looking for a trace of you, anything, they would know if they saw you.
But there was nothing, one of the girls made it clear.

“It’s like trying to catch smoke with your hands” and when Natasha goes out into the hallway to continue with the preparations, Janice follows her.

“Do you think it’s really her?” Natasha doesn’t stop when she realizes the woman is following her.

“Valentina said it is”

“And it didn’t cross your mind that it could be a lie?” Natasha takes a deep breath, she bites her lower lip and stops, giving the woman her full attention.

“Yes, it crossed my mind, it’s just what’s been going on in the last few hours. I'm expecting Valentina to call and laugh in our faces at any moment” she replies impatiently, but Janice doesn't back down, she doesn't take a single step back.

“Would it be better if it was a lie?” Natasha looks at her as if she had the audacity to ask.

“Yes, a little bruised ego would be better” she starts walking again, Janice still at her heels.

“Do you want it to be her?” and Natasha stops again, but doesn't turn around.

“From the looks of it, it's her”

“It's a copy of her... doesn't that bother you?” It takes everything in Natasha not to lose her composure now.

“Natasha?” Melina calls from the end of the hallway, watching the interaction attentively.

Natasha doesn't answer Janice or any of her questions, she goes to meet the matriarch and turns left down the hallway, Melina gives her a questioning look, but all Natasha does is respond with one that says nevermind.
Alexei is already waiting in the car, well-behaved in the backseat, sulking that Yelena apparently didn't let him drive. They all get in, not knowing exactly where they're going, it's at this moment that Yelena and Melina look at Natasha, looking for an answer.

"Just... go ahead, I'll contact Mason, he already found a hiding place for me once, he'll do it again" she lets out a tired sigh, tired of running. Natasha watches the doors open and the widows fall behind, she didn't want to leave behind another place she calls home, but there's no choice now.

"Do you think it'll work?" It was a risky, rushed, improvised plan. Decisions were made under urgency and everyone was willing to do whatever it took.

“It has to...”

A cabin in the Catskill Mountains was the best that agent Rick Mason could come up with at such short time.
“A tourist spot?” Natasha asked indignantly “so obvious, why don’t you put a sign on top saying we’re here?” the man just laughs into his cell phone.
“That’s why it’s amazing, because it’s stupidly obvious” and Natasha is sure she’s going to die any day now.

The car was driving along a noisy trail between the dense trees when the cabin appeared, small, made of dark wood, with a porch covered in dry leaves and a rocking chair that creaked when the wind blew past.

No one spoke as they got out.

The atmosphere was heavy, as if the forest had heard what they were planning. Melina was the first to cross the porch and open the door with a long creak. Yelena just looked around with a tiredness in her shoulders, holding her coat against her body as if she was expecting the first shot.

Inside, it was cramped, smelling of mold and wood. Rick left water, food, and weapons in a trunk on the floor. Natasha didn’t say anything, just dropped her backpack on the cracked leather sofa and went to check the windows.
Alexei stopped in the doorway, as if his large body didn’t fit there.

Now it was just a matter of wait.

The days passed sunny and warm, something that simply did not fit with the tense situation.
Natasha barely slept. Every morning, before sunrise, she walked around the cabin, making sure there were no tracks, no shadows out of place.

Melina kept a notebook handy. She scribbled formulas, hypotheses, things that no one knew about. Sometimes, she just wrote to keep her hands busy.
Yelena spent hours on the porch, the rocking chair creaking at an almost painful rhythm. She tried to appear impassive, but she bit the corners of her nails so hard that sometimes they bled.
Alexei was the one who tried the hardest to break the silence. He prepared dinner, made bad jokes, but no one responded. He knew he was the pivot of everything, and the weight of that made him sleep sitting up, with his head fallen on the kitchen table and his fingers still dirty from poorly washed potatoes.

Outside, the world remained too quiet. No notifications, no alerts. As if the threat was waiting for everyone there to fall apart inside before attacking.

One night Natasha hugged Alexei around the waist, taking him from the kitchen to bed. Melina wasn't there, locked in the office, thinking and thinking.

Natasha had done this many times before, when her father drank too much and couldn't measure his steps, but this time was different. Alexei didn't drink, believing that he didn't deserve any relief at that moment.

She laid him down, covered him with a blanket that either exposed his ankles or his neck, and when she went to leave, the man whispered an apology, as he had done so many times over the last few years, but this time it was also different, perhaps because of his watery eyes, the beard that had grown back, the blatant remorse in his voice.
Natasha smiled weakly, kissed her father's forehead, who closed his eyes and soon fell asleep, and when she turned around, Yelena was at the door, with her arms crossed.

“He blames himself for all of this” the youngest said as they reached the kitchen, where Natasha poured herself the water she had gone to get, and nodded. “Don’t you? Blame him” the question was full of hesitation, full of love for her father who didn’t want her sister to blame him.

“We’ve gotten past that phase...” Natasha said tiredly “we’ve already proven to ourselves that we’re better together... the 5 years we spent without you... it wasn’t just you, we separated... I separated” she looked at the glass marked by the moisture from her mouth. “There’s not a day that I don’t regret how I pushed her away, while she was there... waiting for me to come back with open arms and when I did...” she swallowed her breath, swallowed her own remorse.

Natasha poured more filtered tap water, Yelena watched her for a moment. In the months that followed your death, she had this growing guilt in her chest. It shouldn't have been you, it should have been her, she would have been lost for eternity if it meant it wouldn't be you.
But that would have only fueled your guilt.

It's what you're all made of, all of you, no exceptions. Guilt, in one form or another, is impossible to escape.

"Have you ever thought about what it'll be like?" Yelena asks after a while "seeing her again...”

"Have you?" Yelena nods slowly, as if she's thought about it more times than she admits.

"The same face... a completely different person” Natasha shifts uncomfortably, staring out the window while the younger girl is lost in thought "what do you think she'll be like?"

"I don't know, just like all the stories we've heard about her, relentless...”

“I know, but... even before, this person... the Winter Soldier didn't look like Y/N, not our Y/N, I think I always associated it with an individual being”

“Then it will be easier, you met the human version of her, now you will meet the version...” Evil? Monstrous? Cruel?

Yelena stops for a moment, having realized that her sister had not answered her.
“What do you think it will be like?” she asks again “looking at her and not recognizing her?” Natasha looks at the glass in her hand once more, she shifts the weight of her foot from one to the other.

“I don't know... because I already don't recognize her anymore” she says quietly, biting her lower lip as she looks at Yelena who tries to understand, Natasha shrugs as if it doesn't matter or hurt. “I don't remember her face, I can't” Yelena stands tense in her place, the air dense around them, she opens her mouth to speak, but Natasha knows what she is going to say. “I look at her in the photos, I know it’s her… but I can’t see it. It’s like my eyes are passing over it, it’s like… trying to catch smoke with my hands”

Guilt is inside each of them, and Natasha’s guilt now is that she doesn’t remember you. Could her brain be so merciless as to erase the features of the person she loved most in life? Leaving her with this frustration, this emptiness.
Natasha remembers every single thing she felt with you, she remembers tracing your face with her fingertips, your high cheekbones, the imperceptible slope of your nose, your lips that opened for her touch, your eyelashes that sometimes brushed against hers.

She remembers your scent, how warm your skin was.
She fears she's made all of this up.

Yelena tries to say something, anything to ease the guilt that's written all over her sister's face, but she's frozen in place. Natasha doesn't remember your face, but she's sure Yelena looks a lot like you now with all the pity in her eyes.

So Yelena hugged her, and Natasha couldn't remember the last time they'd done that.
Yelena didn't say anything, she didn't need to. She just knew that Natasha needed to be held right now, she held her as close as she could, her arms wrapped protectively around the redhead, providing the comfort and reassurance she'd been silently seeking.

She stood on her tiptoes, gently placing a kiss on the top of her sister's head, silently hoping that she could convey all her love and comfort through that gesture.

 As soon as the youngest returned to her room, Natasha stood in the kitchen, the moonlight streaming in through the window, bathing the marble counter with silver light and there were confessions in the air. Natasha walked to her own room, but not before stopping at the office door, seeing Melina focused on her tablet as she opened the door a little.

"You can't help anyone if you go crazy first, you know that" the older woman jumps slightly, having been so focused on her work.

"You know I can't stop" she looks seriously at her daughter "especially when I can save our lives" Natasha's eyebrows furrow, she follows the matriarch walking through the office, picking up a folder in her hands.

Melina pauses for a moment, looking at that folder as if it held the secrets of the world, then she hands it to Natasha who opens it hesitantly. Nothing there seems to be very special, if it weren't for the title...

“White Wolf Project?” she reads clearly, waiting for the woman to explain.

“Years ago, before... before everything, Y/N and I were working on this project together, she wanted to find a way to reverse the serum” Natasha stays exactly where she is for a few seconds, processing what she heard.

“Reverse the serum? Why would she do that?”

“Because she wanted a simple life, with you...” Natasha looks back at those papers full of codes and formulas, but all she can think about is you inside that laboratory, thinking of a way to have a life with her. “After everything happened, we put the project aside. I didn’t even remember it, but I found it again as soon as we got here... if I can improve the formula, make it work...”

“We’ll have a chance” and like a click, hope appears in Natasha, she doesn’t ask why Melina didn’t say anything soon, why she kept all this from them, she just focuses on what matters: they have a chance.

“I just need time and...”

Then Natasha’s cell phone rings, Rick Mason on the call that she immediately answers, but it’s not Rick on the call, but one of the widows.
“She’s here” comes out low and shaky, too fearful for a black widow.
Natasha waves to Melina who watches carefully and the woman runs to gather the others, it was time. She turns on one of the many monitors in the office, connected directly to a security camera, and there it was.

The institute.

It was a risky, rushed, improvised plan. Decisions were made under urgency and everyone was willing to do whatever it took.

Natasha couldn't expect honesty from you. She couldn't expect you not to attack the institute while they were away, not to attack what they protect and love the most to harm them.
So she took you right there.

Monitor 3 blinked, one of the main rooms, the image was shaking, but Natasha knew what she saw.
The tactical uniform, the metal arm, the unmistakable silhouette.
Natasha felt her stomach churn.
It was you.

You walk as if you already knew the place. You don't run, you don't lurk, you don't wait for anyone.
Natasha's eyes are glued to the screen.
And then, the sharp sound of the alarm cuts through the air, red lights flash over the cameras. All the doors of the institute lock, steel doors that descend, sealing the exit.

That was the plan, you were caught.
Still, you don't rush.

Facing the armored exits, you remain centered, as if you know that, even with all the steel, everything will give way.
Melina, Alexei and Yelena are already next to Natasha who fogs up the monitor screen with her breath as she desperately tries to talk to the widows.

“Where are you? Where’s Rick?” but if they gave her any answer, she didn’t hear it, because you looked at the camera and even with your face covered, the aggression could be seen, so you calmly pointed your gun at Natasha and shot.

And you did the same with all the other cameras in succession, blinding everyone.

“Have you guys left there yet? Get out of there now!” she holds her cell phone tighter, everyone already getting ready to go back to the institute.

“We’re safe” the widow warns “but I think she’ll be able to escape, ma’am”

“It doesn’t matter, the important thing is that you’re all safe” and then Natasha stops what she’s saying next.

“Antonia tried to stop her” all four of them freeze in front of the front door, they look at Natasha.

“Is she okay?” It was the most idiotic question that could be asked.

“She’s dead, ma’am. With a broken neck” Natasha doesn’t blink, doesn’t move, just stares at the floor as if she could tear it apart with her gaze “she didn’t have a chance”

That’s it. That’s all. The sentence that closes everything.
Natasha looks away, looking at anything that doesn't require confrontation, especially at her parents and sister.

Melina stands still, one hand resting on the counter, as if that were the only link between her and the ground. She doesn't move, just stares at Natasha, as if trying to absorb her pain along with her own.
Alexei, on the other hand, moves away, no longer holding his own legs. He leans against the nearest wall and slides down until he's sitting on the floor, his elbows resting on his knees.
Yelena stands, a muscle in her face twitches, and she breathes in through her nose, trying not to weaken, but her fingers grip the sides of her coat so tightly that her knuckles turn white.

And Natasha, in the center, is a point of gravity about to collapse.

"She's with Rick, I think she got your location... I'm sorry, ma'am, we failed”

Natasha's jaw tightens. Her jaw throbs. A short breath tries to escape, but it won't come. She wants to scream.
But she just closes her eyes, breathless.

And that's how she goes on.
For everything they promised she would never have to face again.

And you are coming.

Chapter Text

Reversing the serum wasn't a promise. It was a hypothesis, unstable and dangerous.

The White Wolf project, a neurochemical that attacked the reinforced bonds between the serum and the host's genetic structure. In theory, it would make the body forget what it had been forced to become. It would deactivate the enlarged muscles, weaken the bone tissue, reverse the accelerated regeneration.
But not without cost.
Because you don't undo a soldier like you erase an equation on the board.

The brain was the problem. Always the brain. The formula would have to cross the blood-brain barrier and reach the most primitive centers, those that had been shaped by pain, by repetition, by conditioned obedience.
"It's going to hurt” Melina had said, without any illusion of gentleness "the body doesn't want to forget, the body will fight”

What if it went wrong?
What if the formula couldn't break the bond? What if you died like a broken machine in the process?

It was a fine line between healing and execution. But there was no other choice.
The new plan was quite obvious.

Melina would return to the office while Alexei, Natasha, and Yelena would buy as much time as possible - that's the only option left.
Yelena was the first to move. Not out of courage, but out of habit. When the world threatens to collapse, she reacts. Organizes. Tightens belts, adjusts weapons, lists possibilities in a low voice.
Alexei leaned against the wall, weighing every inch of the silence. He understood what was at stake, a war waged against his own daughter. He looked at Natasha with regret.
"Courage” he wanted to say. But he think its cruel.

Natasha didn't move immediately. Immobile, as if her body refused to participate. Her hands clenched at her sides trembled almost imperceptibly, and she held her breath for fear of what might escape if she let go. She brought a hand to her forehead, briefly, and when she lowered it, her eyes were slightly red. But she blinked. And then she took a deep breath.

Then Yelena stopped her frantic organization; it was just a way to distract herself, but she hated it, hated not knowing what to do, hated even more that she couldn't save you, hated that she couldn't save Antonia.
All three of them were so deeply broken now, each coping in their own way. And Yelena's way was to say things she shouldn't have.

"This is your fault” Yelena laughs humorlessly, her voice rough as she rubs her forehead, also out of habit. Then Natasha looks at her with those red, empty eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"If it weren't for your plan, she'd still be alive. If you'd listened to me when I told us to stay—!" Natasha doesn't move, not because she wants to hear, but because she needs to, because something inside her compels her.

"I didn't ask her to play the hero!" is enough for Yelena to approach, aggressive, her eyes welling up. She pokes her sister's chest hard, as if trying to get some reaction out of her. Natasha doesn't move. She lets it, her breath hitching, but she stays standing.

"You knew it was a possibility... because they're all so good!" the touch on her chest repeats. "You said that! And yet you left them all there like pigs to be slaughtered—!"

Yelena chokes, her voice breaking. And Natasha wants to hug her.
Yelena's finger still touches her chest. Natasha blinks again, and then drops her gaze. Her eyes are full, but not teary. Not yet.
She nods slowly, as if it's the only way to say I know without breaking down.

"I tried... I did what I thought was best”

"How was it the best, damn it?!" Yelena is crying now. Natasha doesn't look at her because she can't handle it right now. She just shakes her head, stopping the tears from falling.

"I won't always get it right...” her voice comes out low, almost soundless, she looks up for a moment, her eyes reddened, not a single tear falling. "I was once a killer... I tried to be a hero…” the words come out in a thin, weak whisper "I don't remember how many people I saved, but I know exactly how many I killed” she doesn't move, her entire body stiff as stone, as if any movement would make everything crumble. "I killed in the Red Room, I killed as an Avenger... I let them kill the love of my life, and maybe we'll kill her again today. I'll remember Antonia even after you've forgotten, damn it!”

The word bursts out in a muffled, abrupt sob. She brings her hands to her eyes, trying to contain herself as she whimpers. "Fuck... I'm sorry... I'm sorry”

A low sound, a muffled moan between her fingers. She shakes her head, again. Like a prayer. Like denial. Like punishment.
Yelena takes a half step back.
It's at that moment that Alexei, who had been watching silently until then, moves to intervene.

He approaches slowly, large hands resting on her shoulders. Natasha is hunched over, defeated, her body still trembling silently.
He leads her outside without saying anything for a moment, just presence, just firmness. Natasha obeys. She wipes her face with the cuff of her jacket, wiping away the tears, her nose, what's left of her composure.
Yelena follows behind them, speechless. Her gaze fixed on the ground as if waiting for guilt to open a crack right there and swallow her.

"Let's go back down the trail” the man says as they get into the car. For the first time, Alexei is taking control of the situation, for the first time, he's being a family man and telling everyone what to do, because his girls need it, they need a father, now more than ever. "Let's split up, I'll go first...” only then does Natasha come back from her weakened state, looking at the man through her still-teary eyes.

"It doesn't make sense, she wants you” the redhead says, her nose snorting as she wipes the snot from her nose with her sleeve.

"Exactly, let's not play games anymore. She wants me? Then come and get me…” he says with that husky tone of someone who doesn't take anything seriously, but the women with him do. Yelena looks over the benches with a frown.

"And what? We hand you over to her on a silver platter? That's suicide!"

"Ha!" the laugh bursts out bitterly "I'm the Red Guardian!" he smiles with a pride that convinces him, but doesn't convince Natasha, and doesn't convince Yelena, and maybe not even himself. "She's my daughter... I'll fix this” the only thing filling the car is the heavy silence of someone who knows no one there believes their own bravado anymore. "Yelena, you're last. If nothing stops her, you'll find Melina and you two get out of here”

Yelena opens her mouth to argue, but she knows it's useless, always has been, she'll always be the one they'd think about most. So she just nods and looks at Natasha.
And Natasha is there, and she looks so broken, so much smaller than she once was.

With her body curled up, half to one side, she remembers Yelena from a time when they were kids.
It was vaccination season, and when the little blonde girl looked into the cold, white room, she saw Natasha there, sitting on a plastic chair, her body hunched in the same way, half to one side, her eyes fixed on the needle. Even so, Natasha tried to smile when she saw her.
Her younger sister walked over to her, stopped beside her, and held her hand. And what should have hurt... didn't hurt so much.

They follow the trail to their first destination. And Yelena's hand is in Natasha's, between the benches.

"Get off” Yelena tells Natasha as soon as they stop. Alexei looks surprised, but seems slow to understand.

"What?" she asks nasally, her blue eyes shining with tears that just couldn't seem to stop falling.

"Get off, Alexei and I can handle it”

Natasha knows she should deny it, she needs to deny it. She's the older sister, it's her duty to protect, it's her duty to go first and ensure Yelena has even the slightest chance of escaping this forest alive.
But she can't move, not even when she's accepted being left behind.
She shakes her head and grits her teeth, like a kid refusing to take syrup.

"I don't want to” she hisses, her hands clasped against her chest while her right hand massages her left, and Natasha tries to comfort herself. Yelena looks at Alexei, searching for what to do, wondering if they couldn't just leave the broken woman there, hidden... they can't. Not now.

"We need you to get out of the car, sweetheart” Natasha groans in contradiction as the younger girl pats her shoulders. "I know... I know, babe... but we need you, we need you now” Natasha continues to shake her head, refusing to give in.

"I don't want to…” she whimpers. Alexei watches in silence, his heart heavy as his youngest daughter disembarks and goes to the passenger door, where he pulls Natasha out. Natasha doesn't struggle, but remains huddled where she's left.

"We'll be fine, okay? All of us…” It's Yelena's turn to smile at something she fears. She's wiping Natasha's tears now, and as she and Alexei drive on, she watches her older sister's frail body disappear into the trees.

As soon as they stop at their next destination, neither Alexei nor Yelena move. They continue to stare at the trail, silent. A beautiful moment between father and daughter surrounded by nature, if not for the obvious reason.

"What you did for your sister...” the man clears his throat, neither of them looking at each other still "was really nice”

"I wish she could rest, this all still doesn't seem real...” Alexei hums in agreement, running his fingers through his beard that had grown back, but never too long again.

"I think that's why you were a goalkeeper, on that shitty team of yours” Yelena frowns at the comment that seems to have come from nowhere.

"Because I didn't need to run as much as the others?" she asks listlessly, and the man shakes his head.

"Because you've always been a protector...” Yelena looks at him, and only then does she smile, small and tired, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I didn't know you still remembered that team”

"I went to every game! I made posters and even took the team camping, remember?" they smile, and Alexei's hand also rests on her shoulder. Gradually, the smile on their faces fades, and the moment takes on the air of farewell it should. "I loved every second I got to be your father, yours and the girls'... a real father” he smiles tearfully, and Yelena doesn't see him start to cry too. "After your sister died, I didn't think you'd want me”

"I always will, Dad” Yelena says softly, and silence returns for a moment between them. "We should play soccer when we get home” she squeezes his shoulder and gets out of the car. Alexei lets out that deep laugh of his.

"I doubt I can still run across a whole field” they both chuckle softly, but the truth is there. Alexei, despite being proud and virile, was getting old. And he was going alone to face his greatest enemy.

"Good luck, old man” is all Yelena could wish for. They exchange a last look, the kind that says everything that can't be said. The blonde pats the car's bodywork, and it moves on down the trail again, leaving Yelena with a worried look behind her.

The highly modified off-road truck jolts along the dirt track, its large tires slicing through the mud with ease. Alexei grips the steering wheel, his eyes flicking between the uneven road ahead and the rearview mirror.
The forest is suddenly alive, but not with natural sounds. A noise emerges, low at first. Then it grows. An engine.

Then, dropping from the top of a rocky hill, a shadow cuts through the woods with precision.
A matte black KTM 350 EXC-F flies between the roots and ravines as if it were alive. The rider? An even darker figure, embedded in the vehicle as if it were part of it, with the kind of fury that comes from someone who wants not just to overtake, but to crush.
Alexei growls, almost smiling.

"Are you kidding me...” he presses harder on the accelerator, sending the car swaying violently around the curve. Branches scrape against the windows, the trail closes in, but the bike doesn't slow down. It slices through the brush as if it were made of blades, leaping obstacles with inhuman precision.
Alexei tries a sudden maneuver, turning the steering wheel to try and lose it, but it's no use. The motorcycle appears alongside the car for a split second, too fast to shoot, too precise to miss. She passes between two narrow trees without slowing down, skids slightly on the curve, throws her body to the side, and the motorcycle responds like a well-trained animal. The suspension swallows the unevenness of the trail.

She lifts the bike onto one wheel, crossing a narrow ditch as if it were nothing, as if it were just a game, she's having fun.
Alexei loses his way in the pedals when some tourists start appearing along the way; he had strayed so far from the route?

However, as he twisted the steering wheel from side to side, yelling at people to get out of the way, the figure wedged itself between them, not caring who it hit, with a single goal in mind.
So Alexei is making a risky turn, going completely off course, and it works when his opponent keeps going straight.

"Ha!" the man laughs derisively, even though his face is sweating and his eyes are glassy.

His moment of satisfaction is short; the figure appears again, and this time it carries a cylindrical object, black and silver. A click. A shot.

CLANK!

The hook hits the car with a metallic snap and catches on the bumper. The steel rope stretches straight, glistening with the tension of the movement.
Alexei feels the impact. The car rocks as if something has bitten it.

The figure jumps off the motorcycle, which continues on its own until it tumbles into the distance. With a metal hand, she grips the rope tightly, and with a strong thrust, she drives it into the ground.

"Oh fuck—" is all Alexei can say before the car jerks backward, and everything is turned upside down.

Alexei crawls out of the overturned car. Smoke billows everywhere, and down the path, the figure comes calmly toward him.
The large man staggers to his feet, his broad shoulders covered in dust and his uniform torn in several places. The dark helmet is discarded, but there's still a mask over the face he recognizes, albeit partially.

“Доча...” he whispers affectionately, and for a moment he expects a hug as the figure starts running toward him, but then he remembers where he is. The Red Guardian opens his arms and lets out a war cry as he, too, advances.

The figure hurls itself at him like a projectile, the impact brutal. Two feet against his chest, and even with her superior weight, Alexei is thrown back a few steps, nearly falling. Before he can recover, she spins her body and lands a side kick in his ribs. He grunts loudly, but fights back.
The fight is uneven on several levels. Alexei knows he has no chance, but still he keeps going. He keeps going because youlet him.

You climb him like a cat, you hit him hard, but never hard enough, you make him bleed, but never enough.
You're taking it slow, you want to torture him, make him suffer, you want to toy with him until he begs you to kill him. And you're just getting started.
But Alexei won't give you the satisfaction.

"I'm not going to fight you, Доча...”  he gasps, his large arms falling to his sides in surrender "a father shouldn't fight his own daughter”

You stand before the unarmed man, saying nothing, just a slight bow of your head. All around, the smell of gasoline, metal, and broken pine trees.
For a moment, the only sound is that of birds and the chatter of the tourists left behind. And then, a long, frustrated grunt.

"You're ruining all the fun!" you pull off your mask, and there it is. All of Alexei's pain disappears instantly, the pain of the cuts on his face and the broken ribs. Nothing else matters, because there, in front of him, is his little girl. You look so much the same, and yet you've never looked so different, and when you smile at him with that sharp smile, he shivers at the manic glint in your eyes.

"Hi, Dad!”

"It's you...” the man laughs from under his dust- and blood-covered beard. You watch him with unexpected confusion, having expected him to be fleeing through the trees by now, but he looks happy, and that confuses you, and angers you deeply. "My girl...” Alexei doesn't quite know what he was thinking. He takes a few quick steps toward you, arms outstretched as if expecting a hug. Instead, your metal fist connects with his cheek.

The crack of impact echoes like dry thunder among the splintered pines. Alexei's head snaps around with the force of the punch, blood and saliva flying into the air before he falls to his knees, dizzy. But he laughs. Laughing even as he falls, even with his jaw dislocated, even with his eyes watering with pain.
You look at him as if you were looking at a dying animal that refuses to die, irritated, perplexed, almost offended. You crouch down beside the man, grabbing the back of his collar so he looks at you, and he looks at you with eyes filled with something you can't quite name.

"It's you... so beautiful, so strong...” he coughs, the sound wet. He laughs again, this time you join in, you laugh too, he doesn't remember your laugh ever sounding like that. It's a loud, disharmonious laugh that echoes through the forest, but he keeps laughing because you're here. Then your fist connects with his face several times, and you still laugh derisively.

Alexei falls to the ground when you release him, his face bloodied from his broken nose. You watch him for a moment, your expression hard to read. You get up and pick up a long twig from the ground. "I've always liked hiking...” you inhale the pine scent and survey the forest around you. You look at Alexei, still lying down, and shake your head with a smile. "Sorry, I've waited so long for this moment, I think I'm getting carried away...”

"You don't have to do this...” he grunts amid sounds of pain as you trace his body with the twig, like chalk outlines.

"I'd love to, Dad” you crouch down in front of him again "but I can't let you get away again”

"Daughter, whatever happened in your reality... it wasn't me”

"It wasn't you?!" you bark, throwing the twig like a spear at the man who howls in pain as his shoulder is pierced through while he's pinned to the ground. "Didn't you work for the institution that stole my life?" Alexei just writhes on the ground, unable to express any defense, anything but pain. "Wasn't you the one who threw me off that damn plane? The one who made me watch the people I loved most die? Wasn't you the one who turned me into this monster?!"

You scream at the top of your lungs now, pulling the gun from your belt and pointing it at the man. But before you can fire a shot, a bullet hits your metal hand gripping the gun.
Looking in the direction of the shot, you see a blonde woman among the trees. She would have been just another one if you hadn't noticed the desperation in the man's expression for her to move away.
You smile venomously, crouching down beside him again.

"Killing you would be merciful...” you say calmly, tracing his face with your metal fingers, and you lean in close to his ear. "I'll kill every single one of them” you let out a low, manic laugh. "I'll kill every single person you love, and I'll make you watch...” now when you look at Alexei, there's nothing but terror in the man's eyes.

"Get away from him” the husky voice says with authority behind you, along with the cocking of a gun. You smile, slowly getting up, and there stands the blonde woman who had previously been hiding among the trees. She looks serious and focused, holding a gun firmly pointed at you, but as soon as she sees your face, she falters. You see her falter, trip over a small root, and her eyes widen like deer's.

"Stop...” she says as you begin to approach, and her grip on the gun tightens even more, and as soon as your face is inches from the gun, she fires. Perhaps reflexively, feeling threatened, or knowing you'll dodge at the last moment.
You dodge the bullet, bringing your metal hand to her neck and holding it just long enough to make her gasp and her eyes widen.
Two large, strong hands grab your ankle, and when you look to see Alexei struggling as best he can, the blonde woman wiggles out of your grasp.

"Lena! Run!" Alexei screams, and something in your chest contracts like an old muscle being reactivated, and you feel dizzy for a second long enough for the woman to actually run away. You huff, the sole of your foot impatiently tapping the man's face, who faints.

"Don't move, Dad, I'll come back for you...” you say in a tone bordering on boredom, as you calmly begin to follow the trail the blonde woman left.

You follow the marks on the ground like a seasoned predator.
Light rustling, carelessly broken branches - she's panicked. A crooked smile tugs at your lips beneath the mask you've replaced, and you walk calmly.

Yelena runs without looking back, she can't shake the image of your face.
Yelena should know better than to run with her eyes closed; she's a trained spy, much better than that. But she just saw her sister dead and wants more than anything to confirm that you're not following her. So much so that she doesn't see you in front of her.
You appear like a shadow, your forearm slamming into her chest, sending her falling breathless to the ground.

"What do we have here?" you ask quietly, approaching her like a fox approaches a rabbit. Yelena tries to crawl away, but she can only keep her eyes on you. And you're leaning over her, your hand back on her neck, not squeezing, just holding her captive, showing you could suffocate her with the slightest bit of pressure.

The woman struggles beneath you, her two hands gripping your wrist, unable to pull you away. You've seen it a million times, the fleeting realization of death dawning in the eyes of those you capture.
And in the next instant, everything changes, in those eyes that held not just fear or the realization of death, but something ancient, something you'd buried deep within yourself.

Green eyes. Bright. The ones you'd last seen a long time ago. Eyes that held Hope.

Only a moment's hesitation is needed. A snap behind you makes you turn, a flash of red hair is all you see before your head is crushed between two strong thighs and elbows land on your head, not enough to hurt, but definitely enough to disorient you. You take a few steps while still being hit, then throw your attacker against one of the rocks, your metal hand against her neck.

"You could at least recognize me” the redhead strangles. You tilt your head in confusion, and suddenly every muscle in your body is twitching as the widow spider bites you.

The bite still pulses in your nerves as Yelena lunges. She emerges from between the trunks, leaping with her knee toward your chest. You twist and shove her, and she rolls over exposed roots, the thud muffled by the vegetation.
Natasha is already on her feet, leaping over a trunk and, in midair, attempting a kick. You duck, her leg scraping over your head.
Yelena returns, runs through the shadows of the trees, slips on her knees on the muddy ground, and plunges the electric prods into your ribs.

You grunt, in pain and frustration, starting to lose your patience.
Natasha appears again, her elbow coming like an axe against your shoulder blade. You try to catch your breath. The birds that were singing cease. The forest seems to hold its breath with you.

But they don't stop.
And you pull your dagger from your belt.

Natasha attacks from the front. You dodge and try to stab her shoulder—blocked. Yelena reappears with the staves, and you duck, roll under a trunk, slide down a trail of roots, and rise in time to block the stave with the blade.
The steel sizzles. Sparks fly.
You take two steps back, twirl the knife in your hand, and throw it to the left, not to hit, but to distract. A sequence of slashes begins, low, high, spinning, alternating grips. Natasha dodges with her protected forearms. Yelena tries to step in, but you repel her with a cut close to your thigh.

Your hand is once again around Natasha's neck as you pin her to a tree, the tip of the knife digging into her side.
Natasha sobs in pain, but the knife doesn't sink in any further. You can't make her sink in, something holding you in place.

Something in the red-haired woman who looks at you as if she's known you from other lives.
Natasha, for her part, is processing the whirlwind of emotions of having you in front of her, with those eyes and that touch she doesn't recognize. She doesn't know whose face this is, covered or not.
She brings her hand to the side of your face, unlocking the mask, flashbacks racing through her mind, every moment of joy and peace she experienced with you. The face behind the mask. The face she loved. And Natasha wonders how she could have forgotten.

Yelena climbs your back as if climbing an ancient tree. You grunt in irritation, easily throwing her against a tree, where she falls unconscious to the ground. Natasha struggles to move, but one look from you is enough to keep her in place.
And she watches you walk back down the trail, unabated.

You left them alive; you never leave anyone alive. Why did you leave them alive?

The further you go down the trail, the more tourists appear around the waterfalls. You pass them with your head down, attracting a glance.
And secondly, you're less focused on the goal, your mind full of questions, and it gets worse when you hear her call you.

"Y/N!" not Soldier, Y/N. How many years has it been since someone called you by your name? It was worthy of you at least returning her gaze.

And there she was, with her red hair and her eyes fixed on you.
Who was she that made your chest vibrate with such an old feeling?
Who made you hold on. Made you not want to fight.
A name runs through your thoughts, but you can never quite grasp it.

Natalia. Natalia. Natalia.

"Your favorite color is gray, but you think it's too morbid, so you tell everyone it's yellow...” she walked down the damp rocks toward you, fearless. "Your favorite food is hot broccoli, which isn't anyone's favorite food, but it's yours. You like flowers, I know you do...” she keeps getting closer, and you find yourself backing away, and only when she doesn't stop do you react, but very weakly. You try to hit her with the side of your arm, but she easily stops you like no one ever has.

"Y/N, stop...” and there's that name again, confusing you and hurting you to the core. You pull away from her, trying to hit her again, but this time she dodges, and her hands land on your face. Not to knock you down, but they hold you, warm palms against your cheeks. "Y/N... stop”

That small moment in time and space when everything stops and you can only focus on the emeralds ahead. The way she holds you, the way she knows how you like to be held. The way she completely disarms you.

Then your forehead hits her nose, and she falls quickly against you, and you hold her against your chest. She's half-awake when you grab her by her tactical uniform and suspend her over one of the waterfalls.
She looks at you as if consoling you for your own actions, as if she knows you.
But you're the Winter Soldier, you're not Y/N, you haven't been for a long time.
And you let her fall.

Melina had been working tirelessly during the time she knew was running out. The formula was ready, it just needed to be administered, and that would be as easy as giving a vaccine to a slender cat.

"I thought you'd come to me first, should I be offended?" she says, her back still to you as you stand in the office doorway.

"Not at all, I just wanted some fun” Melina hopes she hasn't softened so much that she can't hide her true emotions when she turns and sees you there. A complete mess, but alive.

"I assume you found your father and sisters” she shivers at the blood on your clothes, and you shiver, too, having your suspicions confirmed.

Yelena and Natasha.
Valentina warned you, of course she did.
Still, nothing could have prepared you for seeing your two younger sisters so grown up. They were women now. Women you hadn't seen grow up, and it was Alexei and the woman in front of you who were to blame.
Your gaze hardens again, Melina backing away as you slowly approach.

"Good to see you, mom...” you smile, in that same nasty way you'd smiled at Alexei. And Melina realizes she's indeed softened.

"Y/N, you can stop now... let us help you” you wave away.

"Alexei's already fed me up with all this talk about shitty, regretful parents” you stop in front of her, cornering her against the wall. "Now, what were you up to here, huh?" you look around with a smile. That's when Melina seizes the opportunity to attack, her hand going straight for the base of your spine, where—unfavorably—there's already a lock.

Your smile turns into a thin line, your features filling with anger as you realize what the woman tried to do.
You grab her arms and slam her against the wall once, twice, three times. Enough to make her fall to her knees.

"Shall we take care of the roses, mom?" you grab Melina by the scruff of her neck, dragging her to the middle of the living room.

The scientist, already old and also tired, remains on the floor as you walk out of the cabin, returning with a long hose.

“Se essa rua, se essa rua fosse minha...” you hum as you work, running the hose along the ceiling pillar "eu mandava, eu mandava ladrilhar...” Melina tries to crawl away as you approach, running the hose around her neck. "Com pedrinhas de brilhantes” you pull the other end of the hose, lifting the woman off the ground as she gasps for air "só para o meu amor passar...”

The wooden wall explodes beside you, a furious Alexei crashing through it.
"Let go of my wife!" he roars like an animal. Right behind him are Yelena and Natasha.
The man throws himself at you, and you respond as best you can. Yelena rushes toward Melina, who falls to the floor coughing, and Natasha disappears into the office.

The fight against Alexei seems more fair now that you're also injured and exhausted.
And just when it seems you're going to get hit again, Alexei reminds you that he has something you don't: a family.

Yelena appears behind you, Melina on your right, and the man holds your left.
You writhe, frustrated, filled with rage.
You would kill them all right then and there if you could.
But you can't.

And when Natasha reappears, she plunges a syringe into your neck.

Everyone watches you intently as you fall to the ground.
You laugh, low and venomous, rubbing your neck.
"This is the best you've got? What is this? Kryptonite?" you spit sarcastically, before laughing again like a madman, your face sweaty and saliva dripping from the corners of your mouth like a rabid animal.
"I'm going to kill you all..." you laugh, still on the ground, your eyes red with hatred.

Then you stop, because the liquid heats up, too much hot.
Lava begins to course through your veins, and you're certain every organ is shifting, every tissue in your body separating. You feel it deep within your core.
A pain you've only felt once, when you were transformed into what you are today.

Alexei, Melina, Natasha, and Yelena watch as you crumple to the ground, writhing and screaming like never before. It's a sight that turns the stomachs of all four, making them want to take their anguish out with their hands.
And that's what Natasha will do when she points the gun at your head.

The eyes of the three with her widen, but they understand your decision. Piety
Only when Natasha is about to pull the trigger do you stop.
Out cold, but breathing.

You were alive.
It was definitely you there.
In a fetal position against the wooden floor. Ready to be reborn.

Alexei, Melina, Yelena, and Natasha stare at each other before looking back at you.
This was just beginning.

Chapter Text

After their encounter with the Winter Soldier, everyone had their own scars to tell the tale.
Yelena had a few cuts and scrapes, Melina refused to wear a neck brace, but held a cold compress to her throat.
Alexei refused a thorough evaluation, as if the pain inflicted was just another form of punishment. He remained by his wife's side, muttering something about making some good soup once it was all over.

Natasha had been stabbed before, thousands of times. She didn't care about the blade in her ribs, her broken nose, or the sips of water she'd taken.
She only cared about you, lying on that gurney in the room that had once held the God of Thunder himself.

The iconic Avengers Tower was no longer what it once was. Valentina had taken over the place as she had taken over everything, her greed nowhere near sated.

"Look at you!" the woman enters the room, followed by a shy assistant and wearing a satisfied smile. "I knew you could handle it”

Natasha has always been the more composed one, the one who never loses her temper, but just looking at Valentina's arrogant expression, she finds herself advancing with clenched fists and a murderous look, only to have several pairs of guns pointed at her.
"Now, why this hostility?" the smile never leaves her face, she doesn't back down, not even a flicker "we're all on the same side here”

"We're certainly not” Yelena says sharply, standing beside her sister. Valentina doesn't break her smile, her eyes, haughty, stare at Yelena as if observing a toy from her private collection.

"You contained the beast and brought it to my cage. Teamwork”

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't tried to play God!" it’s Yelena's turn to step forward, eager to wipe that solemn expression from the woman's face, only to have the guns turned on her.

"I gave her a chance! A chance to be something meaningful for once in that miserable little life of hers! Do you think I'm bad? That girl was nothing but a sewer rat, she's lucky I saw some potential beneath all that carrion” the woman's mask falls for only a second before returning stoically. "It's a shame she didn't know how to appreciate it...” Valentina sighs, shaking her head and walking over to the monitor showing your unconscious body. "What a waste... a superhuman who isn't... super anymore”

The room fills with low grunts, Melina struggling to speak through the tense atmosphere.
"She... still... is" comes out in a hoarse, bruised voice, followed by a cough. Confusion is everyone's primary reaction, until it turns into something mixed.
Valentina's face lights up like a child at Christmas. Yelena and Natasha feel every muscle in their bodies tense simultaneously, and it's hard to ignore Alexei's hopeful expression.

"What are you talking about, Melina?" Natasha asks quietly, trying not to make the woman struggle, but needing that answer.

"I... couldn't” the confession is followed by another cough. "I couldn't…” everyone looks at the woman breathlessly. Alexei's large hand caresses her wheezing back, no one knowing what that meant.

"So, is she still a Super Soldier?" Yelena asks the million-dollar question. But the scientist shakes her head, struggling to speak in a hoarse, low voice.

"Maybe there are aftereffects, maybe some of her abilities will never return... maybe the serum is just like a flu virus that will eventually disappear... I would... have to run tests...”

"Well, then don't waste time” Valentina says enthusiastically. "Take advantage of the fact that she's immobilized and do what's necessary. We need her with her abilities”

"No!" Natasha steps forward, as Yelena seems to realize something crucial. "If we have a chance to take away her abilities, we need to do it”

"That would be outrageous!" Valentina's stoic stance is no longer present when faced with such a suggestion.

"It would be a mercy! So she never again risks falling into hands like yours!" the two women argue. Valentina is one step away from evicting the family from her building, but she knows it won't happen without a fight.

"Guys…” Yelena tries to speak up amidst the heated argument, but it only works when the second call also raises its tone. "Did you say she's immobilized?"

"Well, yes” Valentina replies, running her fingers through her gray hair. "You didn't expect us to let her go... she's a threat”

Yelena's eyes widen, and the panic in her expression only worsens when one of Valentina's assistants knocks on the door.
"She's waking up" is all Yelena needs to hear to run out of the room, hearing her father and sister calling for her. She runs down the halls, reaching you.
There's a glass room, and you're in it, like an animal in a zoo, exposed for all to see.

"Open the door” Yelena demands, and any protest from the surrounding agents dies with the deadly glare they receive.

The door opens with a heavy sound. The room was a sterile space, with smooth, white walls. The lighting was artificial, and there was nothing but a bed and the constant hum of the energy maintaining the containment.
And you were there in the middle, staring at the ceiling with a blank expression. They took your arm, stripped you of your dignity.
You were left like a lamb hanging by its hind legs, waiting for the knife to be driven deep into your throat and for your blood to drain away as quickly as your life.

Yelena watches you with the corners of her mouth turned down, her palm running over your body, without actually touching.

"I know you don't like this” she refers to the restraints neatly positioned on your stiffened limbs. "I know you don't like not being able to move. I'm going to let you go, okay?"

The youngest says softly, talking to a wounded animal. By this time, Natasha, Alexei, and Melina are already outside the room, coaxing her out.
But there's something about the moment you look at Yelena. At first, there's a dark fire burning behind your pupils, and then you blink, and the look dissolves.
Where there was fury and arrogance, now there's weakness, a shy tear trickling down the corner of your eye.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay...” Yelena's thumb catches the tear, brushing against your cheek for a second longer.

"Lena…” comes a low whimper. Outside the room, no one dares move. Yelena's body obscures the view, and no one knows for sure what's happening, but inside, Yelena succumbs to your suffering.

"I'm here, I'm here, сестра!" she begins to untie the bandage on your chest, causing outrage outside. "She's scared, can't you see that?!" Yelena screams back, because you've spent too many years confined to a bed.

"Please, сестра, please...” you cry softly, Yelena trying to reassure you as she finally lets go of your legs and arms.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's over” she smiles, cupping your face.

You smile back, a tearful, relieved smile, a light laugh that Yelena shares in the same way.
Then, in the next moment, your laughter, your smile, fades, giving way to that expression more arrogant than ever.

"Really, Lena?"

The tone chills Yelena's blood. Before she can react, you push her with a strength that shouldn't exist in someone who until now seemed so fragile.
Your hand reaches her neck in a sure motion, your fingers squeezing like claws. Yelena gasps, her fight instincts flaring, but the greater pain comes from the shock, from the image of you laughing seconds ago, from the feeling that her sister was back.
She struggles, trying to push your arms away, but you're quick, precise, every movement imbued with a fury that doesn't quite feel like your own. Your gaze burns with that dark arrogance as Yelena's body gasps for air and you slam her against the glass wall.

It only takes a second for your back to be hit, the shock from it causing your muscles to atrophy.
You're the Winter Soldier, teaser shouldn't work on you, but everything goes black, and you fall with a sharp thud to the floor.
Yelena falls immediately after, sliding down the glass as she clutches her injured neck and coughs.
Everyone is at her side at once, watching with concern her flushed face and her lungs clamoring for air.
She looks at you, passed out just inches away, with panic, but above all, with betrayal.

When you wake up, there are no longer any restraints, nothing and no one, just you and those sterile walls, a bed of white sheets where you sit on the edge with your heavy body and stare at the glass wall that exiles you.
Humiliating. You were known for defeating armies, for crossing steel barriers, and now you can't fight against a glass wall. You feel sickness rise, not from your stomach, but from your soul. Sick. Weak. Human.

Then the door outside the glass cage opens, and a furious Natasha enters.
You smirk weakly, your body slumping forward.

"Give me a reason not to kill you right now” Natasha barks. You don't answer, just stand up, swaying in your steps, and approach the glass. You're pale, you're rotting, but you still smile that damned smile. "How could you do that to her?"

"Rule number one of the red room, never let your guard down” you say in a voice that, though slurred, is arrogant. Natasha trembles with rage, it takes everything in her not to open that door and annihilate you right there. It would be so simple when you already seem so close to death.

"She was worried about you! Worried that you were scared, not hurt, but scared. Because that girl loves you so much, and that's what you do!"

Your arrogance drops for just an instant. You can't remember the last time you heard someone say they love you, but you fight it, chewing your tongue as you struggle to stand and speak at the same time.

"She doesn't love me, she feels guilty because I died to save her” your words only seem to fuel Natasha's fury. "Yeah, I did my homework... she feels so guilty she'll do anything I ask in a heartbeat”

Natasha moves closer to the glass, your noses would be touching if it weren't for the transparent barrier and the steam from your breath that accumulates there.
Her bright, fierce eyes stare into your deep, opaque ones, and just for a second, you have the reflex to look at her lips.

"Touch her again, or say one of those stupid things in front of her, and I swear I'll kill you” the threat elicits a hoarse laugh from deep in your throat.

"Are you going to kill me, Natalia? You're not...” it was just one of the many things she hated about this version of you. The way you insisted on not calling her Natasha, using the name her mother had given her, sounded like a provocation. Natasha pressed her lips together, seething with irritation.

"And what makes you so sure?"

"Because I'm her”

The silence falls heavy, so thick it seems to fill the room. Natasha doesn't pull away. On the contrary, she presses even closer to the glass, her mouth close enough that you can imagine what the heat of her breath would be like if there were no barrier.

"You may look the same, but you'll never be her” you don't understand why this answer cuts to your core and twists your gut. "My Y/N was good, like no one ever was. You're nothing but an imposter... slip up again, and I'll have no problem making you regret it”

You try to force a smile, but it comes out as a grimace. You don't know what you're angry about, whether it's Natasha not giving herself to you, the fact that they reduced you to nothing, or the way the Widow casually walks out of the room, leaving you alone again.

"Don't turn your back on me!" you yell at the door, which locks “how dare you threaten me?! I'm the Winter Soldier!" you finally punch the glass, but it feels like steel against your knuckles, which sting with a feeling you're not used to.

The silence returns like a punch even stronger than the glass that hurt your fingers. The room seems to shrink by the second, the white walls closing in on you as if to swallow every last bit of air.
You touch the glass where Natasha's breath still leaves evaporating marks.

Finally, you let yourself fall onto the cold mattress. The echo of your scream still seems to vibrate in the air, but now there is only silence.
Silence and the crushing weight of loneliness the Winter Soldier is used to, but now it feels heavier than ever.

They never turn off that damned light. How do they expect you to sleep?
They don't. The Winter Soldier doesn't sleep, always alert, always dangerous.
Not this time, sleep hits you as if you've needed to sleep forever. Your dreams are restless, some hours you don't even dream.
And when you wake, you don't know how much time has passed, but when you turn your head, your neck aching from staying in the same position for so long, there's a woman sitting in a chair on the other side of the glass.

You remember seeing her a few times between a dream and a non-dream, but she's no longer a blur. She has tightly tied blond hair, oval glasses, and writes on the clipboard she balances on one leg.

You want to turn away, face the wall, and not have to face it. You feel small in a way you haven't felt since you were a child, maybe even when you were a child.
But you're a Soldier, you don't show weakness, so you stand, your knees creaking and your body heavy, but you puff out your chest and approach the barrier.
The woman looks at you, at your dull skin and disheveled hair, and says nothing for a moment, like when we hand the back of our hands to an unfamiliar dog to sniff and decide whether to trust you or not.

"Hello, Y/N. My name is Marta, I'm a resocialization technician and therapeutic assistant” you don't react, not even a bored or frustrated look, but your lack of response doesn't stop the woman from continuing with a smile. "I know, it seems like a lot for one person, but for the resocialization part, I'll implement reintegration protocols, record reports, monitor your behavioral progress, and impose rules when necessary. While for the therapeutic part, I'll offer self-control exercises, work on trust and routine, and act as a bridge between the team and you. Any questions?"

The explanation was lively and clear, a load of nonsense you had no interest in hearing. You just watch her, the light purple oversized suit, her round face, and the slight slant of her eyes giving her an ever-watchful expression, contrasting with the firm tone of her voice.
This time, she sighs at your lack of response.

"Communication will need to be the foundation of our relationship, Y/N. So we can progress” you feel like laughing. Progress. As if you'll ever get out of there.

You've been tortured before, countless times. The only way to survive torture is to train your mind to forget and not imagine. Forget everything you've experienced and not imagine what you would experience.
No past or future, only the present, because the greatest torture isn't just the physical pain, but the desire to pick up where you left off.

In that moment, for you, there's nothing but that room, no history before and no history after. You won't fall for the lie that you'll one day be freed by peaceful means.
In other words: Fuck progress. Fuck reintegration, fuck therapy, fuck them for trying to manipulate you into becoming docile and vulnerable.

But for now, you'll let them believe it.

"What was that?" you simulate a syringe in your neck "that thing they injected into me” Marta looks at you for a moment, she doesn't seem the least bit interested in hiding things from you.

"The serum manipulated by Melina Vostokoff, called White Wolf, was designed and developed by your self from this reality. It consists of neutralizing your abilities—" your mocking laugh interrupts her. Marta stops speaking, waiting for you to speak.

"I already thought my version from this reality was weak, now I find it pathetic... who doesn't want that?" you say with sovereignty, even in your critical state. "I can be a God, if I want”

"I believe Melina will be able to offer you a more personal answer during the visitations” this catches your attention.

"Visitations?"

"Certainly one of the most important steps in your process will be the visitations from people who make up your emotional base” another mocking laugh.

"You don't understand, do you, Doctor? I don't have an emotional base, anyone who ever had my affection is dead”

After that, a silence. Not because Marta didn't seem to know what to say, but because she seemed to be giving you time to digest what you were feeling. This resentment and envy that were building in your chest.
Why her and not you? Why did this other version of you have so much time with the people you loved most while you were forced to live with the fate you had?

You felt something strange, you felt insecure. You caress your chest for a moment, your heart racing with a sensation you only knew through the gaze of those you inflicted pain on, then your hand creeps to the scar on your shoulder.

"I want my arm back” you say with your eyes closed, feeling the weight of the missing limb. Marta sighs and takes off her glasses as she studies you.

"I'm afraid that's not possible for now, as we move forward in the process—"

"Stop saying that word!" you snap, no longer able to handle so many new emotions. And you hate, hate that Marta seems so patient. You hate how your body waits for punishment for demonstrating so much, you hate that this punishment doesn't come, you hate that everything you know is no longer like this. God, you're terrified.

Your breathing is rapid, the lights around you are more uncomfortable than ever. You hear Marta calling you, she asks you to look at her, but you can't, it's as if you're being swallowed by the sun.
You're sure it's the White Wolf's effects still coursing through your veins.
Then the lights dim, you look at Marta, and she's standing at the light switch.

"Better?" she asks, and you feel like you can breathe again. You stare at her breathlessly. What have they done to you?

How have they reduced you to this weak and powerless being. This human being.

"I want my arm” you repeat, trying to catch your breath.

"You'll get it in a while, but for that, we need to work together” Marta approaches the glass, taking care of every detail of you. It's strange when she looks at you. Over the past few years, you've grown accustomed to receiving looks of hate and fear, but the way she looks at you now makes you feel seen.

Then the lights shine again, and Valentina stands at the door.
All the gentleness that had almost taken over your chest fades, giving way to the anger that's always there.

"I'm glad you're getting along” she says with a smug smile, looking between the two of you. "Did you manage to get her to eat anything?"

"I haven't gotten around to it yet” Marta seems bothered by the interruption. Valentina hums, picking up the aluminum tray and passing through the small door that led to the inside of the cage. Only when she closes it again is your side able to open it, but you don't.

"A hunger strike won't get you anywhere here" Valentina says. Marta opens her mouth to intervene, but is cut off. "I think that's enough emotion for today, Marta. We'll continue tomorrow"

Valentina smiles, but the way she looks at the smaller woman indicates that Marta has no choice. Marta glances between the two of you for one last moment, gathers her things, and leaves.
Valentina follows with her gaze until the last second, then returns to you.

"I love her, I hope you got along well" the woman walks over to some papers on one of the tables and checks them while continuing to speak. "Marta is one of my best agents, pragmatic, committed, and yes, she has Down syndrome, don't underestimate her because of that"

”I may be a murderer, Valentina, a monster, but I'm not stupid" the woman hums, looking satisfied as she goes back to checking the papers. You no longer fall for what she says, nor for that pacifying expression of hers when she looks at you. "What's the plan, Valentina? Leave me here? Wait for me to try to escape so I can annihilate myself? Well, to your disappointment, I've been in much worse prisons” the woman rolls her eyes, unaffected by your imposing tone.

"Believe me, keeping you in this cage was the last thing I wanted. For me, you'd be out of here, conquering the world with all your grandeur, and I know you'd prefer it that way too” she checks the screen outside the glass barrier, the one monitoring everything new that happens to your body, showing your body wasting away more and more. "What a waste... you could be one of the most powerful beings in the modern world. But this is what they want for you”

"Who?"

"Your family. They want you under their eagle eye, they want you weak so they can control you...” she approaches the glass, her eyes locked on yours. “I see your worth, I understand what you can become, but my hands are tied because they fear you...” the woman laments, her expression hardening.

“Why should I believe you? You already deceived me once”

“I did. But I never questioned your sovereignty”

“You denied me my life”

“I gave you your life! I found you, and you were just a shell of what you once were. I reminded you of what you were. Everything you are now is because of me... but I understand, deep down, you think you could be something different... someone different” she lifts her hand, running her fingers along the glass, guided by the vision of where your cheek would be. “You can’t. I can’t. That’s why we got along so well before you stabbed me in the back, but I forgive you and I’m willing to start over, because we’re the same, Soldier, and we need to be together”

She said with determination, her eyes wide and hungry against yours through the glass.
You considered all her words for a moment. From this insane woman who seemed to adore you and want you as the centerpiece of her collection.
You reached out and opened the small door, taking the apple from it.

The touch was brief, silent. You brought the fruit to your lips and bit into it, never taking your eyes off Valentina, who smiled contentedly. There, she knew you had a pact.
Something had changed, fragile and dangerous, and although no one said anything, they both knew the future was beginning to take shape in that instant.