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Chapter Text

Meanwhile in a dark and desolate part of a simply lit alley way...

'Crime in this city...it stinks like left over gym socks worn by a puberty-stricken 6th grader. Or a toilet after eating a whole buffet of Taco bell while digesting laxatives. And there's only one hero to clean it up...'

"The Coo- Oh fuck, coming down! Augh! Ow! Oof...medic...on set...please. Everything hurts..."

"Cut! Someone radio in Pip, Cartman fell off the car again."

"Pip, we need you out here. Eric's fatness fucked him over again."

"HEY! I'm big boned!"

"Right-o boss!"

"And for god's sake someone turn the frickin' lights back on..."

In an instant, the once darkened alley was showered in light from large lamps used for filming, showing numerous small crowds of kids and teens walking around it as they adjusted the lights or moved other pieces of equipment around the alley. In the alley, a chubby brown-haired kid was taking off his makeshift raccoon mask as he held his knee in his hands as it bled. Another kid with blonde hair was patching up their wound, putting on a band-aid while others watched from a distance. There were many on some bleachers with a sign on the side labeled 'Actors' on it, with many of those wearing their own kind of suits or still is their casual wear. After the medic was done patching the other actor up, he walked over to where his other colleagues were, sitting down on the bottom bench.

"Soo, how was that?"

"Eric I'm gonna level with you. You did great, just don't be such a clumsy dumbass..."

"Aw shut up Kyle, I'm not taking anything from a Jew."

"Christ, let's just put that on the blooper reel. Eric, go change out of your costume. Alright everybody let's do another scene."

Just like that, one of the members of the film team and a leading actor, Stan Marsh, used one of the director clappers, proceeding to another scene as equipment was moved to the next location.

"ALRIGHT, SUPER CRAIG AND WONDER TWEEK FIRST MEET. TAKE ONE!"

A lone hero walks along the streets of South Park at the dead of night, his plain red 'S' drawn across on his blue hoodie while keeping his eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. Thinking his patrol would just be a boring one like any other, he wasn't prepared for the sound of thunder crackling. A large purple lightning bolt pierces the sky as the hero rushes towards it in a sprint. The closer he got, the more clearly, he could hear the sound of fighting as one medium sized male fly right past him, their tin foil mask tearing off their face. 'One of Chao's henchmen.' He thought, as he cracked his knuckles to whoever took down a foe like that so easily. As he passed the shrubs to the pond, where the lightning was first seen, he stared in awe at what was in front of him.

An elementalist. One of golden blond hair that was dirtied due to the battle and wind no less, with a dark blue outfit and headband with red letters on his chest spelling out 'W. T.'. 

The hero couldn't believe his eyes. He had only saw a few and is teammates with one, never thinking he see another up so close again. The elementalist was holding another one of Chaos' minions in his hands as he tossed them up high in the sky thanks to his wind powers then chucked him away towards a nearby tree, possibly knocking him out. Or paralyzing him to the waist down. 

After seeing such a spectacular move, the hero in blue stood up strong to get the Elementalist attention.

"Halt there you...uh...line?"

"CUT!"

Once again, the lights were turn back on as the actor Craig Tucker walked up to Stan with his script in hand, reading it fully.

"I'm sorry. I-I just...I just choked."

"It's cool Craig. Just...just reread it some more. We got some great shots, just need you to remember your line."

"Aww, Craig was too nervous to see Tweek looking so badass!"

"Suck a fat one Clyde."

"Alright everyone, places! How you doing over there Tweek?"

"I-I got a mega wedgie-"

"Okay cool, nobody cares. TAKE TWO!"

Cameras began to roll once more as Craig cleared his throat to say his line again.

"Halt right there, user of nature."

The Elementalist turned around quickly, preparing to use his wind powers to push away another person he suspected to be after him too. However, this newer threat didn't budge no matter how much power Tweek used to push him away.

"I am no foe; I am but a humble brutalist. One of a handful heroes for this fair town. The name is: Super Craig."

The elementalist still abit hesitant to let his guard down kept his hands electrified in case he needed to summon lightning in a flash, but decided to land on the ground gracefully-

"AAAH! IT SNAPPED, IT SNAPPED!"

"Oh god, honey are you alright?!"

"Aw shit, Butters. Radio in Pip. We need him again.

"Oh hamburgers! Medic to Butters, Tweek's underwear snapped! I repeat, Tweek's underwear snapped, Pip! We need you here now!"

While chaos ensued as Stan heard Tweek screaming his head off with Craig trying to comfort him while they waited on an Ice pack from Pip. Eric was busy laughing his head off, falling off his seat and landing on his bad knee. Call girl was snapping pictures of the whole fiasco and sending them all over social media to hype up the new scenes. Meanwhile, Stan was hitting his head against the clipboard in his hands as he felt a hand pat his back, already knowing who it was.

"Kyle."

"Yep. Any idea what to do now?

"Let's just cut to another scene until Tweek can feel his legs and ass again."

"Put it in the blooper reel?"

"Yeeep."

"I'll let the computer club members know then. Anything else?"

"I feel like this isn't gonna be the last one to be in there..."

And how right Stan was, and how he wished he wasn't. During the course of filming, it was all going downhill with more scenes getting ruined by bad takes, mistakes from the film crew. Or just...random occurrences? Either way, it couldn't get any more worse than this.

"Ready for the next scene Kyle?"

"You bet Stan!"

'3'

'2'

'1'

"TOOLSHED VS HUMAN KITE SCENE 1, TAKE ONE. ACTION!"

Toolshed and Human Kite were in a heated battle, with Toolshed firing off anything from his arsenal while Human Kite took to the sky and shot down lasers from his eyes, narrowly dodging Toolshed's attack.

However, Toolshed dodged the many laser blasts sent back his way while using his elastic measuring tape hook to get to a high enough vantage point. He then pulled out his dual laser screwdrivers directly at Human Kite's chest, sending the elemental alien down to the ground as his impact formed a sizeable crater in the dirt below him.

Toolshed put his screw drivers back on his tool belt and pulled out his saber ruler as it lit up with a bright orange glow with a satisfying hum was heard from it. As Toolshed went closer to where his foe was last seen, he saw that the crater was empty before feeling a gust of wind pick up behind him. He quickly turned around to the sight of a blur of yellow and red before feeling a shocking pain between his legs.

"AUGH! AH MY BALLS!"

"CUT! Cut, cut, cut! Can we get an ice-pack for Stan? He took one to his nads."

"Uhm...Stan? You alright?"

"AH! You dick...what the fuck?!"

"OH SHIT! I'm so, so, sorry Stan! I swear I didn't mean to do that. I was trying to mimic my moves to-"

"Wow Kyle, you really hit your boyfriend in the balls?"

Right behind the 'dying' Stan dressed as Toolshed and Kyle dressed as Human Kite, were Craig, Clyde, and Jimmy, as they poked fun on the misplacement of Kyle's hand movements as he tried to do something other than giving Stan a free vasectomy...

"Aw shut the hell up Craig and help me get Stan up. It's gonna be okay Stan, I swear."

"I'm not gonna be able to pee anymore, am I?"

"M-M-More like do anything if you ask me."

"Not HELPING Jimmy!"

"NEXT SCENE!"

'3'

'2'

'1'

"CLYDE RUNNING FROM PROFESSOR CHAOS' HENCHMEN SCENE, TAKE ONE. ACTION!"

In the middle of a bustling street in South Park, Clyde Donovan, a.k.a.; Mosquito, was running from the Henchmen of Professor Chaos who are being led by his right-hand man, General Disarray who was firing haphazardly with his lava gun he created. Clyde being the nimble and fast insect hero he was, used his skills to dodge food stands, people, and oncoming cars with ease while gaining more and more distance away from his perusers.

However, General Disarray wasn't just going to let this hero get away from him now after all his previous attempts failed. He set his gun to its max setting and fired it, hurling a big cluster of molten rock at the fleeing hero as it landed right on him. Mosquito, was dead...

.

.

.

"Ooow!"

"GODDAMN IT CLYDE! CUT."

All he has do was stay silent. And then the clip was over...but due to a miscalculation on his behalf, they may have to do the entire scene all over again.

"What could've possibly hurt you?! It is literally softened Legos mixed with playdough! SOFT SQUISHY, PLAYDOUGH!

"I had a Lego in my shoe since I started running!"

"AND YOU TELL US THIS NOW?! WHY NOT HAVE THE COMMON DECENCY TO WARN US BEFORE FILMING!"

"Eric calm down dude. Clyde just an idiot. We can just stitch together the part where he dies and then we'll all be home."

"Oh he'll die alright Stan. DIE TO THE COON! CMERE CLYDE!"

"NO WAIT! AAAH!"

"Ahem, uh...how'd I do as my role?"

"Yeah, yeah. You did great ginger kid. Can someone help me get Cartman off Clyde's throat?"

And so, scene after scene.

"Uhh...Tupperware must've miscalculated who was being targeted by that attack...sorry Mysterion. Mysterion? K-Kenny?"

(Muffled.) "I hate you so much right now dude..."

Take after take.

"Mwahaha! It is I, Professor Chaos!"

"And me, General Disarray HAH, ha-ha!"

"Aww, that mimic of Butters evil laugh was totally adorable Dougie! I gotta post his on Coonstagram!"

"W-Wha? No, I'm not adorable! I'm very very evil! Mischievous! Absolutely DIABOLICAL!"

"And someone who's weakness is being punted by a football."

"Not cool Super Craig."

"I don't care Call girl."

As the days rolled in and out, people were becoming less and less stressed. Not from the lack of missed lines or out of place actors, but from how funny some cut scenes were. To Captain Diabetes letting one rip during a intense stand off, Mysterion having to team up with his arch nemesis. It wasn't fully enjoyable for all, but lessened the tension as throughout the week's end. They managed to complete so many scenes with some extra to boot.

"And scene! Nice job everybody, let's take five to rest before we can pack up and head on home!"

"Phew, thank God this week is almost over, right fellas?"

"Yeah Leo, after all this is over; I just wanna take a nice nap or die. Actually, being shot in the head sounds like a dream right about now."

"You don't mean that literally right Ken?"

"...."

"Kenny?"

"Uh...."

"Kenny, do we have to have another talk about how you're actually immortal-"

"Uhm...oh look guys! Cartman is coming over!"

"You guys! You guys!"

Eric came running at them while screaming as he held a box close to his chest. Within it held pieces of film and movie wheels that were left nearly dangling out of the box. Just then, Eric reached he others and put the box down in front of them, smiling at them all while catching his breath.

"You...you guys! You'll never guess what I got all in this box here you guys. It'll help us blow our series into the sky with this!"

Stan took a look inside the box and shared a glance with Kyle before replying back to Eric.

"Eric, are these all the blooper reels?"

"Uhm...uh. No?"

"Cartman, these are labeled 'Bloopers' on most of them. I can clearly see the one where I got my nuts hit by Kyle too."

"Okay, so hypothetically. What would you say if these WERE bloopers?"

"Mhm, well thanks for gathering them all up for us. Saves us time to go and search for them ourselves. C'mon Ky, let's drop these off with someone and then chill at your place?"

"Of course Stan, cya dudes!"

Stan picked up the surprisingly heavy box of film and began his walk over to someone's house so they could edit the bloopers into one long video, with Kyle closely behind him. Thus leaving only three people alone at he empty film lot.

"Mmmmhm, mkay. What about you two, where you are two going huh?"

"Oh, I'm tagging along with Ken to his house so that Dougie and Karen can have a playdate!"

"Oh wow, it's like you two are a couple babysitting your 'kids'. Gross."

"Suck a dick Cartman, at least we got chemistry with our siblings, speaking of which. We'd better get going before my folks burn down the house...again."

"Well, see ya Eric!"

And just like that, Kenny and Butters soon walked out of the film lot too, talking as they made their way towards the trailer park where Kenny's residence was.

And there they left Eric Cartman, who picked up his bag and made his way home. As he slowly exited the area, his mind relived the memories of the chaotic movements they all had while filming. With people either getting injured, interrupting the scenes, or just forgetting lines. From all the memories during the week finally compiled, Eric let out a soft chuckle as he walked along the sidewalk to his neighborhood.

"Heh, the Coon shall return, soon."

'Very soon.'

Chapter Text

Another day for the crew of Fractured; But whole, another busy day of filming, editing, acting, and posting another video for their channel for their followers to see. Each day more interesting than the last, and same for each episode they pump out. However, each hard-working day of filming with a bunch of people who somewhat tolerate one another isn't without problems.

"FUCK YOU CARTMAN!"

"FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID JEW!"

Two of the actors who are well known to butt heads in and out of film we're at it again. Kyle and Eric. If there isn't a day of them bickering over anything, then someone had blackmail on the other. And if there was a day that wasn't the case? Then something dire must've happened for them both to shut up and work together without having an argument every second. And this one was no different, with Eric poking fun of Kyle's heritage and religion. Like he does every, single, day. And every single time he does so, Kyle always takes it a step further but landing a punch in his face before he could, and others had to break them up.

Just another average day of filming for them.

"I'm gonna go cool off!"

"I'll come with you Ky. Kenny, keep Eric here so he doesn't start anything else."

As Stan and Kyle walked away from the spot Kyle and Eric almost fought, Kenny held up a thumbs up before turning around to Eric, shooting him a unsettling look before putting on his Mysterion hood. While Cartman was dealing with 

"Augh! O-Oh, hey guys...Usual hot chocolate and te-engh! tea?" 

"Yeah, here's a 10 Tweek and thanks."

"N-No problem. Craig, could you get it for them? I still gotta get the pastries out the oven before they burn this place down!"

"Sure honey, go save us all now. You two go to the window seating, I'll be there in a bit."

"Thanks dude."

Craig merely nodded and walked to the back followed by Tweek, who was still a jittering mess like he always was. Stan and Kyle went to go sit down, looking out the window as they saw some more of their friends' goof off in their costumes. One of the main villains named, Professor Chaos, played by the innocent of them all, Butters. Stan and Kyle couldn't make out what he was doing per say, but it seemed that Butters was practicing their maniacal laughter with his right-hand man of evilness, Dougie who was General Disarray giving him encore after encore. Much couldn't be said for the others watching on the side, with the three either laughing or holding out a thumbs up in encouragement. They were Tupper ware, Call Girl, and Mosquito. Also called Token, Wendy, and Clyde. Stan was watching them all with a small smile with Kyle, who wasn't really paying attention to them as he was still annoyed over his prior argument with Cartman. Stan noticing this, decided to try and calm Kyle down.

"Hey Kyle, you know the fight between you and Eric is soon right?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Maybe if he throws an actual punch, we can play it off so you can go all out on him. Call it, 'de-stressing' over all the shit he put you through, y'know?"

"Oh, wait that's a great idea Stan!"

"Now we gotta get it past Kenny and Wendy. Hopefully they both let it slide."

"Knowing how much they hate Cartman as much as us, it'll be rare if they don't."

"Aight Kyle, Imma tell them our idea, I'll be back."

"Okay Stan."

'Yep, just a normal routine.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"AAARGH! WHY DO I GOTTA BE THE VILLIAN HERE?!"

"You aren't the villain Tweek, just someone who's misunderstood."

"SO, I'M GOTH?! OH GOD THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

"Honey please calm down, it's not that either! Kenny, please help me out here."

During another scene, Tweek and Craig were rehearsing their lines and actions when Tweek found out he and Craig would have to fight. As much as they have fought in the past but have since decided to stop it on the account of how, surprisingly strong Tweek is, they both agreed to never hurt each other again. Until now it seems.

"Tweek, it just says you are trying to fight of Chaos minions in the first half, then Craig shows up and reasons with you. You then realize he isn't a threat. I can assure you, you won't fight him any more than just some gust of wind and possibly a lightning strike. That's it."

After Kenny's explanation, Tweek seemed to calm down just abit, still abit worried if he'll accidentally hit Craig by accident or if a piece of equipment falls and kills Craig or-

"Honey, you're over thinking it again, aren't you?"

Tweek was so in his own world that he didn't see that his hands were on his head, tearing more of his hair off. It's a miracle he still has more of his blond hair but, still a miracle he hasn't pulled pieces of his brain out too.

"O-Oh, right. Sorry, ngh Craig. I just...just thought on how it would turn out. Ahh!

"I promise you both, there won't be a real fight scene between you too at all."

"See Tweek? Thank you, Kenny. Now maybe you can do this scene more professionally now."

"At least not yet."

...

"What do you mean not yet, McCormick."

"OH GOD WE ARE ACTUALLY GONNA FIGHT! I KNEW IT! I'M GONNA ACTUALLY KILL CRAIG! AAAAAAAAAH!"
"No, NO! Honey, calm down! He's possibly messing with us, right Kenny?! I swear to god you better say you are or I'm gonna kick your ass!"

But Kenny ignored their pleas and arguing as he walked away, hiding his smug look from behind the clipboard in his hands. As he walked away, he went up to Butters who was talking with Dougie and Pip, he leaned against the wall silently laughing, gaining the attention of the blonds and the ginger.

"Gee Ken, what's gotten you so giddy? And...why is Tweek wielding one of our spotlights like a spear?"

"Possibly because I may have lied to them about them having to fight. I mean, I didn't lie. They will fight, but that's when we get into the civil war between our hero factions."

"Oh, hehe. I still remember those two fighting once or twice, do you? I swear Tweek was going to win it on the second one."

"Yeah, same."

A minute of silence was heard between the group while they all watched Kyle and Stan try to help Craig on calming down Tweek, how had successfully knock down an unconscious Clyde with his spotlight club. That was the case until, Dougie had something to say on the subject.

"Hey, Butters."

"Yes Dougie?"

"Do you think this is Deja vu that...we may have all went our own ways in the hero gig and we're in different factions? Like, for reals?"

The three boys looked at the smaller one, confused but all having that same feeling like, they have all done this before in someway. However, due to not wanting to start drama, and because having them all go their separate ways would be tiring and hypocritical, they just laughed it off for now. Although, Pip struck up a conversation with Dougie about his feeling.

"Well, I believe that would make a great idea for a game Dougie o' chap! And for however you got the idea from, must be a gift."

"Thanks Pip, maybe I can pitch it to Cartman and call it something like...'the Fractured but Whole.'

"Mmm, no. I don't think that'd fit in anyway Dougie."

"Yeah, you're right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay everybody places! We're starting a new scene, so I need all who aren't in it to get the fuck off stage please."

Cartman announced through his mic on the oncoming scene, featuring Clyde Donovan as his alias Mosquito with Tolkien Black as Tupperware. The scene was about the two having one of those connecting closer together scene, however they both couldn't be found anywhere.

"Okay, I'm not seeing Clyde or Tolkien anywhere. Clyde and Tolkien, come to the stage area please, you're up for your scene. Clyde Donovan and Tolkien the black, come to the stage. CLYDE, TOLKIEN, GET YOUR ASSES TO THE STAGE RIGHT NOW! The fuck are those two?"

It was nearing the end of this day of filming, with most if not all of the film crew and actors we're ready to get home. However, they were waiting on two of their actors, Clyde and Token. Their scene was up as they would share a heartfelt moment while in Token's workshop working on some upgrades to his cybernetic suit. It was suppose to be short, sweet, and effective for people to not love it. Cartman saw them rehearse it in their free time, and so did others. So, this wouldn't take all night either. The problem right now though? Is that the two we're missing.

"Jesus, can someone find those two? Scott, go with Wendy."

"Got it. I think I saw them in Clyde's trailer."

"Then turn it over if you have to, I wanna be done with this scene!"

Scott and Wendy both made their way towards where the trailers were, with Clyde's having a slightly opened door. The pair walked up the stairs and opened it the rest of the way, not realizing what they were about to see."

"Hey Clyde, Token. Cartman said your scene was ready and to hurry...up. Wow."

"Scott? What's taking them so long, me and Bebe have a girl's night and..." *snap*  "Totally gonna send it to everyone in the group chat."

In front of the two, was the two missing actors. However, it seems that they were in the middle of practicing a kissing scene, with Clyde hugging Token near him as Token was hugging him back and staring at the floor with a facial expression only to be depicted as, he wished he was dead.

"Just...just give us a minute okay? We'll be out soon."

"Sure Clyde, and we won't tell Cartman about this, or will I?"

"SCOTT I WILL LITERALLY KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU DO!"

"Okay, okay. I won't Token. Honestly, I won't."

As Scott and Wendy exit the trailer, both giggling on what they had saw, Token slammed the door shut and looked back their Clyde who was holding in a laugh of his own.

"What's so funny?"

"Just, just the situation in a whole. We're supposed to be the best friends of the group who act gay towards one another but aren't. And now we're...actually gay for each other."

"Yeah...I mean. At least our acting will be top notch right?"

"Yea! And maybe we'll get some more traction with this too! We're geniuses Token!"

"Uhm, yeah we are Clyde. Hey, question."

"What's up?"

"Are we...going to rehearse like this again?"

Clyde was shocked at what he was hearing from Token as they both we're caught kissing one another just a while ago. But, he just smiled softly at his nervous partner and kissed his cheek, turning his face towards his own.

"Of course, we can. Who knows, maybe Cartman will have us do another scene like this."

"Hopefully, Cartman does have a lot of scenes with the couples in them. Speaking of, shall we go 'act' like best friends now?"

"Yes, let's go Tupperware!"

"After you, Mosquito."