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Haru’s touch had Rin’s toes curling in.
It was Haru’s fingertips brushing against his waist so gently making his whole body alight. It was Haru’s warm breath trailing down his torso making his back arch, chasing for more. It was Haru’s nails scratching his thighs without any real aim to mark but with every intent to make him feel. It was Haru’s teeth imprinting over that place between his ear and neck that had him grasping obsidian locks forcefully, trying to grasp onto something to control the embarrassingly high mewl threatening to come out.
It was Haru.
All. Over.
Rin got caught in between so many emotions he swore his chest could explode any minute now. Which didn’t mean he could stop his legs from squeezing his boyfriend’s hips, bringing him even closer. Haru returned Rin’s desperation by supporting himself on one arm while the other slid down to brace Rin’s knee against his side, lust-darkened blue eyes tracing every movement Rin made.
He felt close to bursting.
"Nng,” His eyes fell shut.
As if that wasn’t enough, Haru lowered his mouth to one of Rin’s hard nipples, licking and humming, making Rin hiss at the wonderful sensation spreading through his shoulders. The worst - the best - part of it was how Haru seemed to hold a competition with himself.
“Rin. Look at me.”
Exhaling roughly, Rin immediately regretted conceding to his demand. His pupils were blown wide, eyes almost as black as his hair, leaving barely a ring of blue staring up at Rin and they screamed.
How can I break you tonight? How can I make you beg?
There was a fine line of spit connecting his lower lip to Rin’s angry pink bud and Rin could barely think—
Fuck.
Haru was so hot.
Teeth scraping already sensitive nipples and Haru’s thumb tracing circles over his hip, so near, had Rin’s brain shutting down. His grip on obsidian locks was tight and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to push Haru away to stop this fucking torture or just pull him even closer.
“Fuck.” He let a pained whine, back arching desperately. “Haru—
Pulling away from Rin’s chest, Haru mouthed at his jaw, hand caressing his waist. When he looked down into crimson eyes, Rin was sure he would implode.
One of the best things about knowing Haru since they were children and dating for the last three years was the way Rin learned how to read him. If you just knew where to look, you’d see Haru’s eyes never hid anything. And the mix between craving and just pure adoration that glazed those blue eyes, that Rin knew was destined for him only, made every part of his body ache.
“Yeah?” Haru muttered, placing a long wet kiss right in the middle of Rin’s throat, “You ok?”
Rin gripped one hand on the pillow below him and nodded desperately against Haru’s forehead, letting out a strangled, “Please.”
“Hm? You want more, love?”
That had Rin wailing shamelessly, fingers clawing at Haru’s strong shoulders, ankles tangling around the back of Haru’s thighs to push closer, just mad for release.
“Yes, fucking Christ, Ha—ah.”
Haru’s hoarse, approving murmur against Rin’s jaw came with open mouthed kisses all over his collarbone and fingers tickling the back of his knee, hips pushing a little deeper, rougher, finally taking pity on Rin's broken moans and harsh breaths.
Rin was so close to the edge.
Haru would be the death of him.
All it took was watching Haru’s hunger-filled expression turn into unfocused eyes and cocky smirk and Rin was clenching his nails even harder on pale shoulder blades, his muscles hardening delightfully and throat struggling around a high cry.
The only thing grounding him was soft lips over his, swallowing his broken whines as he fell apart.
After cleaning themselves — and maybe another round before actually cleaning because Haru pinching his buttcheeks and nosing at his nape caused Rin to push the dark-haired menace against the bathroom tiles and kiss his sinful mouthful until they were both out of breath — they laid on soft fresh sheets, Haru hugged his waist and Rin ran his fingers gently through shower-damp black locks, lazily messaging his scalp, while his other hand caressed Haru’s elbow.
Perhaps Rin was still high from dopamine because he did not expect what came out of his own mouth.
“Let’s move in together, Haru.”
Shit, what?
He held his breath, waiting to feel Haru tense against him.
Where did that come from?
Okay. It didn’t actually come out of nowhere. They’ve talked about it before.
They talk about a future together quite often (Rin was never able to hide his smile over that).
Because they spend basically all of their nights together. Their friends already joke about their wedding. God, his mom definitely does not joke when she holds Haru’s cheeks on family dinner nights and calls him her “favorite son-in-law”. And Gou never helped either since she started with the “Haruka-nii-chan” only three months after they started dating.
It’s obvious for everyone they’re it for each other.
It’s always been Haru for Rin. And it’s alway been Rin for Haru.
But maybe now wasn’t really the time to bring it up, Rin.
They had so much going on, with Haru’s training schedule, Rin’s internship, and classes kicking both of their asses along with everything else. Maybe Azuma wasn’t really wrong when he scolded Rin for his presumption tendencies.
Regardless, he had to own it now. What was the worst that could happen?
Heartbreak, his traitor brain provided.
So he remained frozen, staring up at the ceiling, anticipating his boyfriend’s reaction.
Which took a lifetime.
Haru finally broke the silence around them. He glanced at Rin from the corner of his eyes and pushed at Rin’s hand with his head, slurring, “Why’d you stop?”
For as much as Haru harbored a possibly-unhealthy love for water and a definitely-concerning obsession with aquatic creatures, he sure showed catlike tendencies. And Rin always encouraged them. Fingers went back to combing black hair.
He just wished he could be rewarded with an actual answer because of it.
When Rin was already on the verge of breaking down, Haru lifted his head slightly, resting his chin over Rin’s pecs and fingertips mapping out every inch of Rin’s torso absentmindedly. His eyes were open and gleaming with genuine curiosity.
“What brought this on?” He asked with a silky voice.
Rin blinked a few times, trying not to let himself get hypnotized by sapphire orbs.
“I’m not really sure,” he smiled abashedly, “It’s just—we’ve been talking about it for a while and I spend much more time here than at my own apartment. I think most of my stuff is already here. Nothing would change drastically, you know.” Rin could hear much more insecurity in his voice than planned, “Maybe we should just…go for it? I— I could move in here with you.”
This time Haru promptly responded.
“No.”
Oh.
Rin’s fingers on dark hair stopped again, stomach turning unpleasantly, bile already rising up.
Maybe Rin didn’t actually consider the possibility of Haru turning him down. Were they breaking up? No, surely that just meant Haru needed more time. They were it for each other.
Right?
“Erm…okay, well, I—
“We’ll find a new place. Together.”
Rin gaped.
Staring at the tiny smug smile on Haru’s swollen and bitten lips, Rin scoffed disbelievingly.
“You. Are. Unbelievable.” He pushed at Haru’s shoulder, sitting up and grabbing a pillow to hit his bastard of a boyfriend’s face, punctuating each work with a blow, “Seriously, you’re an asshole, you know that, right?”
The jerk just let out low chuckles while attempting to stop Rin’s assault.
Haru managed to push the pillow down onto the bed and pull on Rin’s wrist, bringing their chests together, “You love me.” He said defiantly, their breaths mixing.
Rin rolled his eyes and signed deeply against Haru’s lips, “God knows why.”
Haru’s hand cradling his jaw and their teeth knocking gently made Rin’s anxiety fade away. Haru murmured between soft kisses, nuzzling Rin’s cheek, “Let’s go for it, Rin.”
They’d have to give Kisumi a really good Christmas gift this year.
Haru was a picky motherfucker. Rin thought he’d be the one freaking out over every little detail about their new place, but Haru would step into an apartment and immediately walk right out with a dry 'No' without further explanation.
From their first serious talk about moving to a new place, Rin knew Kisumi would be the person for it, even if Haru acted like he’d rather work with anyone else.
“Why is it always the Shiginos?” He halfheartedly complained through a small pout.
“Stop acting like you hate Kisumi, jerk.” Rin had scolded amusedly, “Who else is gonna be able to find an apartment in Tokyo with tatami, a balcony and a bathtub near your training center like your spoiled ass requested, uh?”
He only got a huff in answer.
So along their very exciting — and exhausting — apartment hunting, Kisumi had dealt with a lot of Haru’s high standard requirements and Rin’s constant chiding of his boyfriend’s attitude when all he really wanted was a spacious living room, you know?
So like he said, very good Christmas gift.
Because Kisumi got it. And, finally, Rin found himself sitting cross legged on the floor, surrounded by countless cardboard boxes while Haru sent Asahi off after he helped them get everything inside the new place.
Their new place.
Rin’s heart tingled.
He opened a huge brown box, backtracking when he noticed the label “kitchen”. He should leave those to Haru. Rin was a neat person, he’d have no problem with putting everything in order, but Haru was methodical with kitchen stuff. And it was common agreement between them that Haru was the one in charge of it. Rin was happy to just sit on the counter and watch Haru’s lean artist’s fingers expertly chop carrots and potatoes because Rin was craving some meat stew and “Haru, you know you’re the only one that cooks it just how I like it.”
Haru was never able to resist Rin’s pout.
His thoughts were interrupted by a head-shaped weight that suddenly slumped over his lap.
“You gonna stay there long?” Haru’s hair was so soft on his fingertips. How could it still be so soft after all the sweat caused by the heavy-lifting they’d just done?
“I might.” Haru breathed his answer back.
Looking upside down at his personal nuisance, Rin raised one dark eyebrow, “We have to unpack everything, Haru.”
“We have plenty of time for that later, Rin.” Haru mimicked his tone, curling one hand at the back of Rin’s head, not even trying to hide what he wanted, eyes unfocused with tiredness but shining with bliss.
Rin smiled fondly down at him. Haru warmed up instantly to their new house if his relaxed expression and loose limbs were anything to go by. He had one leg stretching across the floor, the other bent at the knee and left hand resting on top of his stomach while his right kept cradling Rin’s head, fingers lazily pulling on red locks.
“So…Your over the top demands really paid off, uh?”
The walls were a fair cream color that matched perfectly with their dark brown furniture, standing all at random places at the moment, and the wooden oak floor. The whole room was illuminated by the natural light coming from the window taking the entire height of one of the the living room's wall. There was an levated floor by the window, covered by pastel beige tatami, in which they’d already placed their chocolate-colored chabudai and the dark crimson zabutons Rin had picked.
That was his favorite corner already. And it was like he fell a little bit more in love with the place after each glance.
Like I fall a little more in love with Haru after each minute. He thought while stroking Haru’s jaw with his fingertips, basking in his boyfriend’s slow lazy blinks, completely at ease.
“‘Course it paid off.” Haru slurred, shoulder shrugging nonchalantly against Rin’s knee, and pulled insistently at Rin’s hair, bringing their faces closer, “I wanted it to be perfect. For you.”
Rin hated how much he loved this side of Haru.
“For us.” Rin corrected against Haru’s mouth, finally giving in to his boyfriend’s attempts and marveling at the strange, but so intimate, angle of their upside down kiss.
Haru brought the hand resting over his stomach to Rin’s, still stroking Haru’s jaw, and intertwined their fingers, tongue deepening the kiss and teeth scratching Rin’s bottom lip gently. Rin let out a pleased sigh, soon turned into a regretful one as he realized—
“We really gotta unpack, Haru.” He gasped and nuzzled his nose against Haru’s chin.
“Ten more minutes.” Haru chased Rin’s lips as he tried to pull away.
How was Rin supposed to resist that?
They spent the entire weekend arranging furniture in between light playful shoves, because Haru made fun of Rin’s obsession with perfect alignment, and opening boxes in between heated kisses because…well. Because they could.
On the first night, Haru burned their eggs (the only and easiest food they had) after Rin had trapped him between his thighs from where he sat on top of the kitchen counter and proceeded with messing up black hair, drinking in the low groans that came out of Haru’s swollen red lips.
They fell asleep on the living room floor after finishing their take out dinner.
When Rin stirred up to the light coming in through the huge window, he was faced with Haru’s sleeping face, so relaxed and peaceful Rin felt his chest tighten with yearning, knowing this would be his first sight in the mornings from now on.
He wished they could stay like this forever.
But Rin settled for enjoying some last lazy moments before their frantic routine came again the next day, using their Sunday to go out for breakfast and grocery shopping and getting things in order in the apartment during the afternoon, finally putting on the bed sheets — which they may have had to change right afterwards.
Was there such a thing as a 'new honeymoon phase after moving in with your boyfriend'? Because Rin was certain there was.
They didn’t have time for decoration during the weekend, so for the next few weeks they managed to very slowly bring more life to their place.
Rin put picture frames around the television stand.
A photo of the whole group in Marron Café after finals when they all finally met up and Gou and Isuzu announced their relationship officially — the Mikoshiba brothers were looking weirdly proud. God, Rin would never escape the Mikoshibas.
Another one of the first family dinner with their mom after that, Miyako’s face lit up by eyes glazed with tears and a huge smile, Gou’s cheeks flushed and Isuzu’s arm around her shoulders, Rin sporting one of his famous big smirks and Haru…Haru wasn’t even looking at the camera. Glancing at Rin instead, a tiny pull at his lips and face so soft that the women spent the rest of the evening cooing at them while Rin spluttered and Haru grabbed his waist to pull him against his chest, chuckling shamelessly.
A picture of what Nagisa called the “Sano Trio”. Just Rin, Kisumi and Sousuke talking to each other while they waited for Haru, Asahi and Makoto to come back with refreshments on one of their triple dates — that Haru and Sou pretended they hated, but everyone except them knew they were the ones that loved it the most. This one was on Shimogami’s Cultural festival, they had just visited Rei and Ai’s stand and went to take a break by the fence outside the gym, Sousuke leaning on his elbows, Rin sitting up on the rail and Kisumi standing in front of them, heads turning simultaneously as Asahi cried 'Aw, look at our hot boyfriends!' and a flash went off.
It’s been a long time since the last one, maybe we should try to arrange something next weekend. Rin thought, chuckling at the remembrance.
Haru hung up pictures and paintings all over the living room wall.
A poster of that weird Loosey-kun character Rin suspected Haru loved more than he loved Rin — he didn’t, obviously, but it was fun pouting at him so he’d kiss Rin until he lost his breath in an attempt to convince the red-headed man otherwise.
The deal was he could put that one up if Rin could hang up one of Haru’s paintings. So beside Loosey-kun was an oil landscape. Pale watery blue and sand-colored brushes meeting and crashing with rich browns and grays, composing Haru’s version of Bondi Beach. Rin remembered how his chest tingled upon seeing the painting for the first time, after they’d already admitted how stupid they were and started dating, but only then realizing how much of an impact he had over Haru’s life. Like Haru had on his.
There was also a frame of Haru, still a wide-eyed child with chubby cheeks, with his grandmother, laughter lines around her gentle eyes, as blue as Haru’s.
When they moved officially to Tokyo, Haru spent an entire week going through stuff at his house in Iwatobi, cleaning and organizing. Rin and Makoto went back to help him over the weekend after classes and Makoto found it. Rin still remember how he held his breath and shared a concerned look with Makoto when Haru froze, shaky fingers reaching for the photo.
They could only watch as his eyes got glassy.
Both Rin and Mako knew it was better to give him a moment alone when Haru cleared his throat and went outside, photograph held safely between his fingers.
Rin noticed Haru kept the picture between the pages of his sketchbook and how his middle finger always traced his grandmother’s hand where it rested on photo Haru’s shoulder before he placed his pencil over the paper to draw something. The day they unboxed some of the picture frames together, Rin saw Haru hesitantly take the sketchbook and do that same thing.
Rin took one of the frames, taking out the photo of his and Gou’s first visit to the aquarium and handing the empty frame to Haru.
“We should hang it up, don’t you think?” He asked softly.
Haru turned with wonder in his eyes. “You sure?”
After Rin’s 'Obviously, babe', Haru said gently, still unsure, “We could put Grandma and Toraichi together.”
Rin almost cried. Almost.
His heart felt fuller with each added item to their new home.
That’s probably why dread hit him so hard when he came to a realization by the first month of living together.
Rin was truly happy, don’t get him wrong.
It’s not like he expected things to be perfect all the time. He didn’t want perfect because they weren’t perfect.
They fought. Mostly over small silly things, not even real fighting, because they were only now finding out little quirks and habits that even unofficially living together for the past year haven’t allowed them to discover yet. Haru would argue with Rin about the 'right' way to put dishes on the drying rack because the black-haired man was frighteningly anal with house chores and Rin would smile sheepishly when Haru sighed pointedly at the wet towel over their bed. Despite that, Rin would find different types of pencils and colored-pens and brushes all over the house and Haru would cook them meat for dinner to apologize after Rin nearly drank paint water when Haru left the cup right beside Rin’s coffee on the center table.
As much as a lot of those mannerisms and arguments drove them up the wall sometimes, Rin loved finding new things out about Haru. Because he loved Haru and he loved that they were taking a new step into their relationship.
Thing was, he was starting to think Haru didn’t.
His stomach turned unpleasantly with the thought that Haru might even regret their decision.
Routine was hectic for the both of them again. Rin didn't have swimming practice anymore — something he did not want to think about —, but he had classes and his internship going at full-speed and Haru did have training and his own classes to deal with, so they had spent more time apart than together during the last two weeks. Which meant coming home at different times which meant Rin noticed something Haru did — or rather, didn’t — that twisted up his insides.
Haru never welcomed him home.
There was never a soft-spoken tadaima against Rin’s lips. And there was only a muttered okaeri if followed by a moment of hesitancy that Rin was ready to spiral over.
It seemed silly to make something out of it. Haru went straight for Rin’s mouth when the red-headed man was just walking down the hall as Haru opened their front door. Went straight for a soft forehead kiss when Rin was too focused reading a book by the window.
Rin knew Haru loved him. And he knew Haru rarely used the traditional Japanese greetings, period.
But that didn't mean disappointment didn’t clot up his throat whenever Haru didn’t say those tiny simple words.
The topic came up a few days after that terrifying realization, forcing Rin to actually say things out loud.
Just not to Haru.
“Makoto! Uh—Is Sousuke here?” Rin blurted out, startled by his own best friend not being the one opening the apartment door, “He said I could borrow some books—
“Oh yeah, yeah. Come on in,” Makoto’s friendly smile, light voice and complete ease with inviting him to Sousuke’s flat managed to irk a type of annoyance Rin was neither comfortable with nor expecting. “Sousuke is running late, but he'll be home in a bit. Would you like some tea?”
Home.
Home?
Makoto and Sousuke don’t even live together yet. They’ve been together for considerably less time than Rin and Haru.
“Sure, I could use some tea.” Rin answered, putting on his best happy face, and carefully sat down on the edge of the red sofa.
Why was Rin nervous all of a sudden? He was meant to grab those anatomy books Sousuke said really helped him on his test when he took a similar class and maybe question whether or not he should freak out over Haru apparently regretting moving in together.
Typical best friend talk.
Maybe he just really wasn’t expecting this. Makoto navigating through Sousuke’s house like he belonged in it, waiting for water to boil, serving Rin drinks.
But it shouldn’t make his throat close up.
And Rin couldn't tell if the bitter taste on his tongue came from the tea or pure jealousy.
Get over yourself, Rin. Stop projecting.
If anything, this was an opportunity to try and actually figure out if he should be freaking out about Haru. Makoto’s known him since they still walked on wobbling feet and built castles in the sand, he could be a much better advisor than Sousuke.
Before Rin even gathered the courage to bring it up, he heard his best friend's voice.
“Oh, Rin! I forgot you were coming by, got held up at my lecture, I’ll get those books right away.”
It was almost comical how Sousuke became such a light and easygoing person after he and Makoto got together. Rin couldn’t help but let out a small huff in response as Sousuke continued on his way inside towards the kitchen where Makoto now poured steaming liquid into an additional porcelain cup for Sousuke.
Mako really brought out the best in Sousuke, who smiled so bright and so much more often now. Rin was really happy his friends found each other, just like he had found Haru. So their next interaction shouldn’t have made him feel like a knife was twisting itself through his insides.
He watched as the pair glanced lovingly at each other while Sousuke rested a strong hand on Makoto’s cheek, leaning in for a soft and quick kiss, “Tadaima.”
A light blush rose to Makoto’s face, who looked briefly down but returned his attention to Sousuke’s glaze just as fast, whispering back, “Okaeri.”
Oh.
Rin looked down at his hands trying to calm down the resentment building up. That knife inside him felt much like a whole sword now.
“Uh, Makoto?” He managed to let out before anything could hold him back. His bluntness tore the pair’s attention away from each other and Sousuke cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his own reddened cheeks.
Makoto simply gathered his tea cup and walked the short distance to sit himself beside Rin while his boyfriend started searching for something in the bookshelf behind them, “Yeah?”
The redhead fidgeted nervously.
“Is it normal for Haru to, like...not use traditional greetings?” At Mako’s slightly confused expression, Rin tried to explain, “You know, like, what you guys just did?”
“Oh!” Makoto’s green eyes widened with understanding, frowning shortly after in deep thought, “Well, I guess he always greeted his grandma when we came to his house after school. But we never lived with each other, got different apartments even after coming to Tokyo together, so…” He shrugged lightly.
Rin wasn’t sure if that soothed his thoughts. Makoto looked right through him.
“Why do you ask?” He said softly, carefully hesitant, “Is everything alright with you two?”
Was everything alright with them?
“Erm, yeah! It’s just—he never welcomes me like that. I…I can’t help thinking he might be having second thoughts about moving in together…?”
“Nanase is just stupid, Rin, the guy can’t follow social rules to save his freaking life,” Sousuke snorted in amusement as he sat in front of them on the center table and put some heavy looking books and papers beside him, “You guys always said he kept trying to dive into whatever body of water was in front of him when you were in high school, right? Just stupid.” Sousuke raised both eyebrows to make his point across.
Makoto sighed reprimandly, “Sou…” Turning green eyes back to Rin, he smiled comfortingly, “Sousuke doesn’t have tact, but he’s not totally wrong.”
The smug look on Sousuke’s face was actually ridiculous. Rin had half a mind to not roll his eyes at him and focus back on Makoto.
“The Nanases have always been free spirits, I guess. They don’t let traditions and social rules faze them, you know? I’m sure Haru doesn’t even seem to think something’s wrong with that,” the green eyed man sipped a drink of his tea before turning back to Rin’s apprehensive expression, “I’m not saying he shouldn’t notice it or that he’s not paying attention to it because he doesn’t want to. Haru was really happy when he told me you guys were moving in together, Rin. I think he just might’ve never thought about why little things like that might be important to others.”
Damn Makoto, always reading people like open books.
“You should just talk to him about it if it’s bothering you so much. Haru was never the best at reading the room, we all know that.” He jokingly finished.
Just talk about it. Why couldn’t Rin do that?
After a moment of silence, Sousuke interrupted his thoughts with an uncertain voice, “How’s the injury?”
“God, is that the time?!” Rin pointed to a place behind Sousuke and hastily gathered the books, making his way over to the door, “Really should get going. I’ll give you these back by next week, thanks. See you guys soon!”
He ignored Sousuke’s muffled 'There’s no clock here' and walked out of the door before he could see any of his friends’ concerned stares.
Rin really needed some coffee. Or just anything stronger than tea.
When he got home, Haru was already there.
Weird.
“Where do we want these?” His boyfriend’s voice was surprisingly excited, in that quiet way only Haru had.
“Tadaima, Haru.” Rin prompted, taking off his coat and walking into the living room. Maybe he could pull the bandaid off and talk about it, depending on Haru’s reaction.
His boyfriend was sitting on the step of the elevated floor with a cardboard box between his knees. The black handwritten 'Swim' glared up at Rin.
It was the only box left unopened since they moved.
The one Rin had placed by the corner of their bedroom and hoped with everything he had that Haru would forget even existed.
Apparently that didn’t work.
Maybe Rin could still try to deflect. And maybe get Haru to say it.
Rin leaned down and took Haru’s jaw in his hands, turning bright blue eyes towards him.
“Tadaima, babe.” He covered up the sharp tone with a soft peck to Haru’s mouth, feeling chapped lips form an ‘o’ against his.
“Hey.” Haru breathed out, looking amazed, “...okaeri.”
That shaky response and his next gesture shadowed any sort of satisfaction Rin’d hoped he would feel.
“This is our last box, I think.” Dark locks fell over Haru’s face as he rummaged through the box, “Where should we hang them?” Dangling from Haru’s long fingers were four white and blue ribbons supporting heavy and rounded metallic articles.
Their Tokyo medals.
Haru had surpassed all of Japan’s expectations in that Olympics. He’d managed to not only win Japan’s first Gold since 1932 in the 100 meters free but also beat the fucking world record. 46.84. How was Haru even real was all anyone could talk about weeks after.
God, Rin fucking loved him.
His heart still soared with pride looking at that medal.
It was the other ones that made his heart deflate just as much.
“Maybe we should keep them in the box. Keep them safe, you know?”
“What?” Haru exclaimed bemusedly and followed Rin into the kitchen where he reached for the cupboard where the wine glasses were.
He definitely needed something stronger than coffee now.
“You made history in Tokyo, Rin. Like we’d dreamed about. Why would we keep them hidden in a box?”
Sometimes Rin kinda missed when Haru didn’t reach for the same high places he did.
Fuck, no. That was not true. What are you even thinking, Rin?
They both had made history. Rin had been the first japanese swimmer to ever medal in the 100 meters butterfly. And relay…they’d brought home Japan’s first silver. Red and white shining from their place at the podium. That photo was surely at the bottom of the box left forgotten in the living room.
They’d reached heights that were unthinkable before.
But the aftermath had struck harder than the thrill of it.
Glass in hand, Rin opened the drawer in search of the corkscrew, “Why are you already home? Shouldn’t you be at the center? Competition’s only two weeks away.”
He could feel Haru’s narrowed blue eyes on his back.
“Exactly. Azuma started with tapering.”
“You hate taper.”
Where is the fucking corkscrew? Rin thought to himself, silverware clattering as he delved through them, I just used it like a week ago.
Haru’s hands were suddenly on his, holding them safely as he closed the drawer and opened the one below, pulling out the corkscrew with ease and pointedly placing it over Rin’s palm as the red-headed man mumbled out an abashed thank you.
“I also hate that I haven’t seen you properly in weeks.” He could feel as Haru tried to hold his gaze, but Rin focused on opening the wine bottle, “Thought I should actually taper, get here earlier and we could finish with decoration.”
Rin only hummed, not knowing what to say. He poured himself half a glass of red wine and took a sip.
“It’s five o'clock, Rin.”
Oh, he did not need Haru’s judgment right now.
Rin brought the glass to his lips again and looked defiantly at his boyfriend’s furrowed brows.
“It’s ten, somewhere.”
If anything, Haru’s eyes flashed right back at him.
“Hit me up, then.” Haru reached for another glass and placed it beside the bottle Rin still held.
“No.”
“So you can drink at five in the afternoon, but I can’t?”
“Well, I’m not training, am I, Haru?!” He heard the bottle tumbling against the granite and the wine spilling all over it before he heard the raw shout that came out of his own mouth.
Rin froze.
Haru froze.
They spent what felt like forever staring at each other, Rin’s panicked eyes and Haru’s confounded ones, until wine dripped from the counter to Rin’s bare feet, “Fuck.” He reached for the bottle and paper towels hastily, not managing to clean anything. In the blink of an eye, Haru took his hands once again.
“Hey, hey.” He said firmly until Rin looked at him, “Leave it. I’ll clean.”
Rin nodded faintly and let Haru take over, leaning his back against the cupboard while he watched Haru kneel to clean the floor. Rin tried to hide shaky fingers behind his back.
When he finished, Haru came over, handing Rin a glass of water instead, and leaned on the counter behind him, in front of Rin. Blue eyes blinked slowly and Haru sighed, as if bracing himself.
“That why you’re deflecting? Why you don’t want to hang up our medals?” Haru was so incredibly insightful and so dense at the same time it’d be amazing if it wasn’t remarkably frustrating. “Is your shoulder bothering you again?”
Rin drank the water just to buy some time and calm down his thoughts.
The care in Haru’s voice was suffocating.
Scapular Dyskinesis.
The reason Rin couldn't train competitively anymore.
No one was actually surprised when Rin was diagnosed after Tokyo, even if they tried their best to hide it. But there was just no disguising the agonizing sounds he let out as he cried after winning that hundred meter race. Not even the happiness he’d felt was enough to cover them. He’d felt the pain in his shoulder and shoulder blades during the whole competition, really, but he was at the fucking Olympics, for Christ’s sake. So he gave all he had.
And that gave him the worst injury in his life.
He was a healthy young man, the doctors had said, but some things just happen, Mr. Matsuoka.
Those words still hunted him.
They had fucking won four Olympic medals together and Rin couldn’t even be happy because butterfly had wrecked him.
Doctors had said it wasn't neccessarily the end of his career, but they had been very clear when they said it meant Rin had to 'at least, take a long break, and go to rehab'. Which every athlete knew meant it was basically the end.
Rin barely talked about it. Couldn't clear his head enough to even point out all of the emotions coursing through his body.
Haru tried. In his own Haru way, he tried. Tried talking, tried to understand how Rin felt and how they could carry on from that. Because they had dreams together, plans together. Could they go on on their own?
Haru tried to give up his own fucking career because of it.
Rin drew the line at that.
He’d put himself back up enough to knock some sense into Haru while Mikhail and Sousuke knocked some into him. He enrolled himself at Meijo Chuo’s Sports Science, having Makoto as support even if they didn’t share any classes, and got an internship as assistant coach at the college swimming center after the first semester.
Hopefully, he’d become a real coach someday.
Rin was probably a masochist for keeping himself so close to swimming when he couldn’t even do it like he wanted, because everything reminded him of competing. He would help young athletes get better during his internship and he would cheer for all of his friends still racing — for Haru — but that was it, wasn’t it?
He could stand on the sidelines. He just couldn’t play the game.
So why would Rin want to showcase the reason he couldn’t swim anymore? Why hang their medals if all they did was taunt him?
And why would Rin want to hang anything else they had in some poor attempt to make the apartment feel more like home if Haru didn’t even feel at home?
Makoto said to talk to him, he’s right in front of you, Rin. Why can’t you just do it?
Rin could pretend all he wanted, but he knew the reason why. He couldn’t talk about any of it because that would make everything inevitably real.
Because he’d let out his frustration and bitterness get the best of him.
Because he’d find Haru never left because he just pitied Rin and his pathetic injury.
Because he’d ruin them.
And he loved Haru way too much for that.
He’d rather take pity than not have anything at all.
He sighed, pushing himself away from the cupboard and into Haru’s awaiting arms. Rin stroked Haru’s cheeks and leaned their foreheads together, muttering, “My shoulder’s fine. I know we’ve never really talked about it, but just—
His voice cracked slightly and Haru encouraged him with a tender, barely there, nose-to-nose kiss.
“I’m just not ready to talk yet, okay? But I will be.”
He hoped Haru didn’t notice he’d lied.
Deft fingers pulled gently on red locks, tilting Rin’s head towards Haru’s, “I’ll be there when you are.”
Rin didn’t know whether he should feel better or worse, but the 'Swim' box got back to its place by the corner of their room after that.
Rin still wasn’t ready a few weeks later.
Haru still didn’t say 'tadaima' when he got home, but Rin liked to believe his answering ‘okaeris’ were less hesitant.
It still stung, but Haru’s strong arms around his waist and tender lips on his nape when he came back after a long day apart softened the blow. So Rin eventually— resignedly —accepted it.
The problem was everyone unknowingly became experts in stepping on his toes and flaring up these horrible feelings he was fighting so hard to keep inside.
He did mention the idea of having one of their triple dates to Sousuke and Kisumi and because everyone was at their busiest moments with general adult life, they’d settled for a simple dinner at Kisumi’s.
Makoto poured everyone the expensive white wine Sousuke had bought after getting lost in the store and panicking when an employee came to help him (“Oh, Sou…” Makoto seemed amusedly disappointed while Rin absolutely cackled at Sousuke’s stupidity) and they all gathered around the kitchen aisle preparing the food as they waited for Haru and Asahi to get back from training.
Rin sat happily chopping the vegetables and pretending to not see Sousuke nicking a piece every now and then when Kisumi turned to him.
“Rin! How’s the new apartment? I never really asked after you guys moved officially. Oh and thank you again for that amazing gift!”
Kisumi looked so genuinely interested and happy that Rin couldn’t help grinning back. Haru could say whatever and play it down as much as he wanted, but Rin knew he had used all of his poor communication abilities to sweet talk his sponsors and get Kisumi tickets for the Brex game when they played in Tokyo because Asahi had once vaguely said they were Kisumi’s favorite basketball team.
Rin didn’t actually have time to answer him when suddenly the kitchen door opened and Asahi’s energy took over the room.
“Tadaima, love of my life!” Asahi had his arms up in the air as he entered, completely ignoring everyone and pulling Kisumi into a hug, kissing his neck and rubbing red hair all over the other man’s face.
Great. Another one.
Why on earth were all of Rin’s friends suddenly so domestic they welcomed each other when they didn’t even live together but Rin couldn’t have that one little privilege when he and Haru did share an apartment?
He took a long gulp of wine.
“Ah! Please, tell me that’s just water and not sweat you’ve just rubbed all over me, Asahi.” Kisumi pointed an accusing finger at the redhead and bit his lip to cover the smile threatening to come out. “Okaeri, dear. How was practice?”
“Haru nailed it.” Asahi grinned wide while stealing a bite of the meat Kisumi had sliced, “But I nailed it better.”
Speaking of Haru, Rin suddenly felt a wide hand on his lower back and soft lips over his hair, “Hi.”
Rin leaned into it and left a kiss on Haru’s shoulder. It was moments like these that had Rin telling himself to stop fretting. Haru’s touches were just as loving as they were before they moved together, there was nothing to worry about.
After some chatter, Kisumi beckoned them all to the dining room and plates started passing around.
“Rin, you never answered my question. How’re things in the new house?”
Rin may have hesitated to answer but Haru didn’t.
“It’s perfect.” His voice was so firm and confident Rin felt a prickle of guilt in his gut for thinking things were far from ‘perfect’.
“There were a LOT of boxes there, it looked like a warehouse when I left! You done with unpacking everything? It took me like six months to get my shit together when I started at Hidaka!” Asahi said through mouthfuls of food and bright smiles.
“Yeah ‘cause you spent all your time at Marron and ogling Kisumi.”
Asahi gasped at Haru’s comeback and Kisumi gently patted his boyfriend’s red cheek. Sousuke covered his snort by sipping his wine and Rin was sure that if he and Haru weren’t so invested in still pretending they weren’t close friends, they would’ve fist bumped.
Oh. Perhaps he could try to make their house more like home to Haru.
“You know, maybe we should have a get-together there next time.” Rin hoped his voice came out more enthusiastic than desperate, “Invite the whole gang when they come to Nationals. Have a house-warming party, we’ve organized basically everything, I’m sure it’s up for receiving guests now.”
“Nagisa would be over the moon,” Makoto’s friendly laugh settled some of Rin’s irrational nerves, “I think it’s a great idea, Rin!”
“Yeah. All good. We’ve just finished with decoration, right?” Haru looked at him without any bitterness or second meanings, but the image of their last box, unpacked in a corner, came back to Rin.
Kisumi’s cheeky tone didn’t help one bit, “Oh! Where did you put your Olympic prizes? Is it in the living room ‘cause you’re show offs? Or do you keep it right above the bed…in private? I just know Rin has a competence kink.”
“Kisumi!” Makoto chided the pink-haired pervert through flushed cheeks.
Rin spluttered, eyes wide, “Wha—
He could only gap at Asahi’s poorly covered snickers and Sousuke full belly-laugh.
“Yo. That is none of your business.” Haru remarked and put an arm over the back of Rin’s chair, not managing to keep his smirk hidden.
While that did nothing to appease their mocking, Rin allowed himself to let out a low chuckle too. He’d missed their friends.
He just wished Haru's tiny smile hadn’t come with a hit of pain in his eyes.
But nobody insisted on knowing where their medals actually were.
So Rin would count it as a win even if it hurt him as well.
Rin couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment his anxieties got so intertwined.
He’d be fine one moment and then a tiny little thing would trigger all this chaos that rattled his chest.
Meijo’s semester finally ended and Haru had a break for the weekend before Nationals, so his mom all demanded they had family dinner when they came for a visit in Iwatobi.
Rin was taking this as an opportunity to let his worries stay in Tokyo and enjoy some days of being his momma’s boy.
God, he’d missed his mom’s warm hug and lavender-scented hair tickling his nose.
“Hey, Mom…” He greeted her softly, remembering the times she’d be the one kissing his forehead and not the other way around. Haru was pulling their bags out of the car and Rin could hear loud energetic footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Onii-chan!”
Rin let out a huffed laugh as Gou tackled him. He pulled his mom back into a family embrace, whispering, “Tadaima, ladies.”
Their unison, immediate, “Okaeri!” was kinda bittersweet.
Because as soon as Haru appeared at the door, his mom greeted him with the same hug and a tearful “Okaeri to you too, Haru, it’s so good to see you!”
“Tadaima, Miyako.”
Rin stopped dead in his tracks.
He watched as Haru pulled away from his mom and bowed slightly in front of her, “Oh, stop that! I finally got you to stop calling me ‘Miyako-san’ and you’re still bowing?” His mother’s flushed cheeks did nothing to hide how much she thought that was endearing.
Haru just had a way of flustering Matsuokas, uh?
But…
Haru had said it so easily. There was no—
No doubt.
Not like he had with Rin.
Come off of it. Rin shook his head, kneeling and turning his attention to Steve, enjoying the total of three pettings he was allowed before the grumpy cat walked away from him. He half listened to Gou’s chattering and inquiries about Haru finding any impressive kin'niku from other swimmers on his training sessions.
Just because Gou and Haru’s weird partnership was actually more entertaining than dangerous, Rin let himself be amused by their conversation and forget his troubles.
He definitely didn’t blush when he heard Gou’s giggling and Haru’s whispering in a conspiring voice, “The only kin'niku I’ve eyes for is your brother’s.”
“How are things in the new home, sweetheart?”
People could really stop with that particular question, Rin thought as he tried to swerve away from it by handing Haru the plate of grilled mackerel.
“Oh, I’m so excited for next week! Very kind of you to invite everyone, Onii-chan.” Gou exclaimed in her delighted tone, always full of energy.
Rin wished he could meet the enthusiasm.
“It’s great. Still adjusting to a new routine, but we love it there.” Haru’s voice was so soft and still oh-so-confident Rin felt his inner turmoil awaken.
He cleared his throat, yeah, adjusting to a ‘new routine’ aka we’ve barely seen each other the last few days.
“You okay, honey?” His mother’s concerned eyes rested on him.
“Yeah! Uh… yeah, things are good. The neighborhood is really nice. And ah—its—it’s halfway to the training center for Haru, Meijo for me. I’ve been exploring some restaurants around as well, lot of options.” Because Haru is never home by dinner anymore so where’s the fun in cooking.
There were three pairs of cautious eyes on him. Probably because Rin made a really shitty job at masking his anxiety, voice trembling and skittish eyes.
“That’s nice!” His mom smiled, a bit forcedly if Rin let himself admit, “And what about the apartment itself, is everything settled? Does it look like my favorite couple already?”
Rin could feel himself get caught by intrusive thoughts. Mind fuzzy, shaky breathing. Heavy heart.
Not even Gou’s jokingly offended ‘Hey!’ towards their mother was really helping to lighten the mood.
“Rin picked a lot of new furniture for the house. And he insisted on hanging some of my paintings along with the photographs.” Rin didn’t know when it happened, but Haru had taken his hand in his, lightly tracing his thumb along the little veins on the back of Rin’s knuckles, “We did a small temple for Toraichi-san, too.”
The last part was said with so much tenderness, Rin could only follow the movement of Haru’s thumb while his eyes burned with conflicting emotions he couldn’t even fathom how to explain.
“Oh, Haru…” Rin turned his head to watch as his mom’s eyes glistened.
Gou smiled softly and Rin could tell she was holding in her emotions too, “That’s very thoughtful, Haruka-nii-chan.”
“Your father would be very proud of you, Rin.” His mother reached across to stroke his cheek and her eyes, so much like his, passed by him to Gou, to Haru, “Of all of you.”
Rin could only hold for so long.
Gou asked gently, “Did you hang your medals close to the temple so he can see them?”
And that was it.
Rin pushed his chair brutally away from the table, muttering ‘excuse me’ and leaving through the back door before waiting for any answer.
The fresh air of the back garden his mom had been taking care of did almost nothing to calm Rin’s racing heart. He paced and paced and paced and ran his fingers through his hair and scratched the back of his neck and paced and paced and paced until he heard the door open behind him.
“Rin.”
“Mom…”
“Are you okay, son?”
Rin took in a long wavering breath before shaking his head forcefully, “I don’t know…”
His mother’s face softened and he walked earnestly towards her open arms. “Oh, what’s wrong, sweetheart?” She whispered into his crimson disheveled locks.
She sounded so worried and Rin just—
He couldn’t say anything.
“Are you missing dad?” Rin squeezed his eyes hard. Miyako’s gentle fingers brushed his hair while he tried to control his breathing, tucking his face into his mother’s neck.
“I just—I really…I really don’t know.”
His thoughts seemed like delicate cords stuck into a giant tangled mess.
He did miss his dad. Fuck, he missed him everyday. And, for a while, he was sure his father would be proud of him, of his achievements. He’d be proud Rin had found someone with whom he could share his whole life.
But would he still be proud?
Now that Rin would probably never compete again.
Now that Rin wasn’t sure if Haru wanted to share a home with him.
One day Haru’s coming earlier to finish organizing the apartment and the next week he’s coming later and later at night and Rin…
He was afraid. He was really fucking scared of what that meant.
And he was still a coward.
So he kept saying nothing.
“I mean…I always miss dad, but not like I used to, that’s not the problem. I guess there’s just a lot of things on my mind. I’m already thinking about the next semester, and there’s still the internship and, yeah, settling into a…new routine.”
Rin knew it was unhealthy. Keeping everything to himself. He could feel the tangled mess in his head become a tight knot of heartstrings. But his brain and mouth just didn’t connect enough to form the words he needed.
He looked into his mother’s eyes. It was clear she knew there was something—a huge something—more, but she didn’t push it.
“Well, you know we are always here, for whatever you need, baby. Gou and I love having you here. And you have your friends in Tokyo, I know they’ll always be there for you, too.”
Rin nodded faintly, kissing the palm that rested on his cheek.
“And Haru, of course. That boy is completely smitten with you.” She chucked.
Rin rapidly blinked unshed tears away and answered shakily, breath faltering, “Yeah.”
When they went back to dinner, Rin pretended he just got emotional over missing their father and they talked about anything but serious topics.
Haru didn’t say anything when Rin didn’t take him to Toraichi’s grave like he always did. Because, well, Rin never went either. He didn't have the guts to.
Things were never supposed to turn into a fight.
For the last two days since they came back from Iwatobi, things weren't even that much different from before. Rin just had a bad day.
Rin was just tired.
He was tired of Haru’s blasè expressions, content answers to their friends and seemingly lack of care for Rin’s anxieties. He was tired of not feeling wanted by his boyfriend. Tired of feeling like a mistake.
He was tired of feeling like a wrong decision.
He was tired of being a burden to his family. His mother and Gou seemed always worried about him nowadays and even more so after their visit and Rin’s heart sank with utmost guilt. Both women — the most important women of his life — gave up so much for him and his dream. Rin could still remember when Gou told him she’d be joining a local university even though she had the potential to achieve so much more.
“You have the grades to go to Tokyo, Gou! And this way you’d be closer to Makoto and Haru, again, they’d take care of you and-
“Onii-chan,” her gentle interruption, that came with hints of a don’t-fight-me-you’ll-lose tone, had Rin’s heart already breaking, “staying here means I could save some money. And you can keep traveling and training to bring us the Olympic gold.”
Not even her sweet smile could lessen the weight that rested in his chest since that day.
All those sacrifices.
And he didn’t make it.
He was tired of Sousuke’s silent judgment. Teal-colored eyes always staring as if asking, 'Are you really giving up on your dream because of this?'. And Sousuke was supposed to be the one that understood him the most, he went through this same shit! Through always wondering if someday he would be back in the water. If someday people would be proud of him again. Why didn’t he get it anymore?
He was tired of stubborn teenage swimmers that never listened to him (and that reminded him a lot of himself). Tired of endless paperwork. Tired of having to tell some of his most dedicated students that they just didn’t make the cut and that maybe thinking about a Plan B would be important for their future. Everyone told him he’d ace at being a coach and still, he was so tired.
With all of it, who could really blame Rin for being, admittedly, a bit condescending when Haru, once again, came home late and, once again, said nothing?
Rin heard the click of the door knob turning before Haru appeared on his peripheral vision as Rin tried to focus on the book balancing on his knee, crossed legs resting on soft rich brown sofa cushions.
“Hey, babe,” the raven-haired said while leaning towards Rin, hand on the sofa backrest near Rin’s head and inviting pink lips slightly puckered for a kiss. Rin pushed his left hand against Haru’s firm chest and turned his face away, letting out a soft huff.
“Rin?” said Haru with just a single dose of fear hanging from his tongue, “You okay?” He insisted.
Rin pushed his boyfriend more forcedly and stood up, making his way to the dining table where he’d left his bottle and glass.
“I’m fine, Haru.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
Rin dreamt all day with the moment he would come home, clear his mind and focus only on the bathroom ceiling patterns and the drip-drip-drip of lonesome droplets hitting the half full bath as he let the hot water prickle his skin.
He would then order them some food because Tuesdays were always a bit hectic for them and he would wait for Haru with a book on his lap and a soft warm quilt over his shoulders. His boyfriend was supposed to get it right for once, come on time, soft 'tadaima' on his lips and cuddle Rin till they both forgot they weren’t fighting for the same dream anymore.
That they couldn’t fight for it anymore. Well, that Rin couldn’t.
But now, Rin stared at his own fingers turning white, lacking blood from how hard he was holding the kitchen counter. “I’m fine, Haru.” He answered through clenched teeth.
Haru obviously held his own ground.
With determined steps and a warm, firm but gentle grip on Rin’s arm, “Talk to me, Rin.” He said almost…pleadingly, “You know we don’t work when we don’t talk.” Rin felt the whisper against his ear and hot breath over his neck.
But something inside him just snapped.
Turning his body around to face the blue-eyed man, Rin narrowed crimson eyes dangerously.
“I know, Haru. I know that, do you?”
Haru’s eyes glazed and his fingers tightened around Rin’s arm. But Rin couldn’t stop. He was only half aware if he was making any sense whatsoever, but he kept going.
"I know we don’t work when one of us is having doubts about this relationship, but it’s too much of a coward to say it. We don’t work when one of us regrets ever moving in together and now can’t even greet his boyfriend like any normal person would!”
Rin couldn’t even recognize his own voice and every word was punctuated with a finger to Haru’s chest. With as much effort as he put into them, all that came out sounded like strangled whines, ache leaking from every word.
“We also apparently don’t work if we’re living completely different dreams now because the one of us sitting at home doing nothing is the one who actually worked his ass off for the Olympics and for their career while the other one, the one actually living it, always slacked off.”
The older man flinched so hard he almost knocked the lone half empty wine glass sitting on the table. Beautiful blue eyes flashed with hurt and all Rin could hear was a breathless “Wha—” whilst Haru put distance between them.
Rin could hear Haru’s heart break.
Haru’s jaw kept clenching and unclenching, eyes like a storm on the ocean.
Rin was panting. His mind went back to weeks before, a scenario almost identical to this one, but he knew this time there was no holding back anymore, so he jolted his chin out, “Tell me I’m wrong, Nanase.”
Haru had his limits.
And Rin knew how to push every single one of them.
“You don’t think I worked my ass off for this?” Usually soothing baritone notes became threatening low ones, “You think I’m what, happy you’re not swimming anymore? That I’m glad you’re not in the lane next to mine? And, tell me, how should I come home, Rin? Should I get back every day with a bouquet of flowers? Maybe a new bottle of wine so you can drown yourself in it while pretending everything’s fine?”
Thoroughly articulated sentences, fists clenched by his sides and darkened eyes squinting menacingly at Rin. Haru was mad.
And Rin’s resolve was slowly breaking.
“You know that is not what I me—
“Then what did you mean, Rin? With everything you just fucking threw at my face, what did you mean?”
He was cursing now.
No, no, no. No, Rin was just tired. He didn’t want to fight.
The dark-haired man crossed his arms and stared at Rin with challenge in every tiny eyebrow move.
Rin was tired. Fuck. And his own boyfriend, the one who’s always being his. His strength, his weakness. His fate. His downfall. He didn’t understand what Rin was saying, he didn’t get what Rin was going through, he didn’t seem to even imagine what was going on in Rin’s heart.
So Rin just broke.
Before he could try to stop them, heavy salty tears were already sliding down his anger-reddened cheeks and hurtful sobs were erupting from his lungs, “Why can’t you just say ‘tadaima’ when you get home? Is this not your home, Haru?”
His voice kept getting smaller…and smaller…and smaller against his best tries at keeping steady. His arms hugged his own torso in an attempt to protect himself. From what he didn't know.
Like someone would approach a stray scared cat on the street, Haru took slow small steps towards Rin, raising hesitant hands to run careful fingers through crimson locks. His eyes glistened with confusion.
“Rin, what are you talking about?” His breath against Rin’s face tickled his lips and chin.
Haru sounded genuinely lost. And Rin was tired. So he finally conceded.
“You never say ‘tadaima’” He repeated, “It’s just—I know I asked out of nowhere but we had talked so much about moving in together before that. We took so much time discussing and looking until we were sure about what we both wanted. And now…it’s like you regret everything and don't even have the guts to say it to my face.”
He gripped the sides of Haru’s Japan windbreaker into closed fists, finally looking up.
“We always say ‘tadaima’. Family, friends. Lovers. And you never say it.” Fresh tears slided continuously on his cheeks, “Dad always said that when he came home when I was little and Mom would smile so big.” He couldn’t hold in the wet nervous laugh that came with the memory.
“After he…passed, always saying that when we came home was one of the things that made me feel less sad. Because we were safe. That was one more reason why Australia was so hard at first, I missed Mom and Gou so much, and I just wasn’t at my real home. Don’t get me wrong,” He rushed, “I love Lori and Russel and Winnie—
“Rin.”
Finally shutting up, Rin stopped to study his boyfriend’s pale face. Had he not eaten right between all his practices today? Was Haru pushing himself too much again?
Or was it Rin that made him pale like that?
“Rin,” He started again, pulling in more air than seemed possible while averting his gaze away and down. Blue eyes were uncharacteristically troubled. Filled with insecurity. Vulnerability.
Rin should have imagined it. But he didn’t. And he should have been more empathetic. But he wasn’t.
And Haru’s next words hurt more than anything he felt that day.
“I didn’t have anyone to come home to for years.”
Closing his eyes shut, Rin felt calloused fingers sliding down from his face. No, Haru, don’t shut down now, I’m sorry. With all his last bit of strength, the redhead gripped strong hands before they could get completely away from him.
That seemed to work, because Haru continued, “I’m sorry. I should’ve given more thought to these traditions. I guess I…just forgot about them. Dropped the habit after Obaasan died.”
It was so rare that Haru shared anything emotional about his childhood, especially regarding how he was forced to become an adult much faster than Rin was. It was getting really hard swallowing the lump in his throat.
Rin suddenly felt so petty .
And Haru obviously noticed it. For how long they tiptoed around each other, it was almost amusing how they learned to read the smallest reactions from one another.
“I didn’t know you felt like that. About your family, Australia. I should’ve asked. Should’ve tried to understand why it was so important to you,” finally, soft fingers came back to cradle Rin’s jaw, “I’ll try harder. I promise.”
Rin had no defenses left. The small stretch of lips and completely fond expression of Haru’s were utterly disarming.
“ Haru,” Throwing his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, Rin felt Haru embrace his waist in return, “I didn’t think about that before. You living alone since you were so young, I’m so sorry .”
Rin was even more tired now. All he could do was hide his face in Haru’s neck, nuzzling at the sensitive spot where his ear and jaw bone met in search of more warmth. So tired .
Haruka’s hands now ran gently up and down his lower back, “Have you eaten yet? Wanna order some food? Then cuddle till we both fall asleep on the couch?”
Rin couldn’t help but let out a laugh, wet from his endless crying and a huff out of his nostrils. He worried so much for nothing. They were fine , Haru still loved him. Haru still knew him like the back of his hand.
“And wake up with knots in our necks in the middle of the night?”
“Sounds perfect, right?”
Rin pulled back just enough to look at blue eyes, calm and reassuring again. Bringing them closer, he could smile against his boyfriend’s lips again. Just a gentle, barely there peck.
“I know I said a lot of nasty things and I really am sorry. And we will talk about them.” There was a glint of hurt back in Haru’s eyes as Rin said this, but there was also understanding.
“Later.” They said in unison, nodding at each other. “ Tomorrow . When we’re both rested.” Rin reassured.
And feeling a slightly damp heat from Haru’s lips against his temple, Rin’s heart turmoil finally settled.
Rin woke up to an empty bed and the delicious smell of bacon and fresh coffee.
He rubbed the sleep off his eyes, brushed his teeth and pulled his hair into a low ponytail to follow the scent.
“Morning.”
The sight that greeted him was heartwarming. Haru was sitting on the floor by the center table, papers and pencils scattered all around as he sketched on the notebook resting over his knee. He placed it on the table and stood up to place a peck on Rin’s lips where he stood by the bedroom door.
“Hi.” He breathed out, placing his hands on the shoulders he loved so much, “Don’t you have practice?”
“Day off.”
“Right, Nationals are just around the corner.”
If he loved Haru’s shoulders, Haru certainly had a thing for his waist. Gentle fingers kept caressing and bunching up the t-shirt Rin was wearing in such a sweet way Rin wondered if Haru thought he might actually break under his touch.
“Yeah. Just had to get some meters done. I went earlier.”
“Earlier? What time is it?” Rin asked, bewildered.
He was usually the first one up, having to coax Haru out of bed with kisses all over his neck.
“It’s past nine, babe.”
What?!
“Seriously?” Rin pulled himself out of Haru’s arms to look at the clock in the kitchen. 9:37. “Fuck. Guess I was more tired than I thought…”
Haru followed him and took two cups out of the cupboard, “We had a rough night.”
For as much as Haru’s words sounded light, Rin’s eyes started burning again.
“Yeah…”
He watched as Haru filled up the cups with coffee and a plate with bacon and toast, “Do you want eggs?”
“No, thanks.” Rin shook his head and scrunched up his face amusedly, “You hate bacon.”
“You said you missed Australia,” was the matter-of-fact answer.
Rin had said that. Several weeks ago. He didn’t even know how Haru remembered it.
The black-haired man walked past him with plate and cups in hand, placing them at a clean corner of the center table in front of the sofa before sitting on the same place he was before, gathering some of the utensils and sketches to make more space.
“Let’s eat.” He nodded to the sofa behind him.
Rin slowly, trying to control his thoughts, walked around the table to sit by Haru’s head resting on the couch seat.
“You’re not gonna eat? Oh, wait, let me guess, you had some grilled mackerel already.” He smirked.
Haru glared up at him, but the tiny curl of his mouth said it was halfheartedly.
Rin pulled the plate onto his lap.
Haru made bacon because he said he missed Australia. Fuck.
“Haru…”
Haru rested his head on Rin’s knees, looking up with intense blue eyes, “Eat, Rin. Then we’ll talk.”
Rin ate slowly. Painfully slowly, taking all the time he could to try and clear his head, to try and put his emotions in check for the uncomfortable conversation that’d follow.
Haru didn’t mind. He kept drawing, brushing graphite through the paper then smoothing out corners with his fingertips skilfully.
When he finished, Rin threaded his fingers in dark locks, catching Haru’s attention and saying softly, “Hey…Get up here.”
Haru didn’t hesitate, pulling his body up by supporting his hands over the seat behind him and turning his torso towards Rin.
They sat sideways, face-to-face and Rin took Haru’s left hand with both of his, playing nervously with long fingers.
“I should probably start, right?” He chuckled shakily and kept looking down, “I’m not sure how.”
“Start from the beginning.” Haru murmured back.
After a long moment of silence and Rin opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, clearly getting frustrated by each second, Haru squeezed his hand harder, “We have time. Don’t stress.”
Taking a deep breath and mustering up the courage, Rin finally looked up at Haru's face.
“I…It’s just—fuck. Okay, let’s try again.” Rin closed his eyes and breathed in once more, “Ever since we moved in together…I’ve been having these weird feelings. I knew you never cared much for traditions and social codes—and I love that about you—but…”
Rin kept stuttering, God, why was this so hard?
Haru brushed a stray lock of red hair behind his ear, caressing Rin’s jaw on the way.
Ok. He could do this.
“We always said tadaima and okaeri at home, when I was a child. Dad was away a lot of the time and we knew his job could get dangerous. So we always said it. It was important to announce when we got home. To let each other know we were safe. Because we didn’t know if dad was. And everytime he came back from shore, it was so relieving for all of us hearing him say ‘tadaima’ and knowing we got him back. Until we didn’t.”
Haru’s thumb traced lightly over his cheek, brushing his tears gently.
“After that, it became even more important that we said it, you know? Letting each other know we were still home and safe, ‘cause—I know we had support, from other people. I know I had friends to help with…grieving, but—but no one really gets it. Me, mom and Gou, sometimes it was like we only had each other. And I spent a long time after dad’s death so scared that, one day…they might not come home either. Hearing ‘tadaima’ was the only moment I felt calm for a long time.
“And that was even worse when I went to Australia.” Rin realized he’d never talked about this with anyone before, “You know I love Sydney. Lori and Russel, they really became my family. They tried everything to make me feel comfortable and cared for, to make things easier when I was having such a hard time. And Winnie!” he laughed wetly and saw an understanding little smile on Haru’s face, “I love them…But Sydney wasn’t home.” Rin heard his own voice crack.
Haru didn’t try to interrupt him even once, listening earnestly and letting Rin know he understood with tiny nods.
Inhaling profoundly, Rin continued, “I didn’t really understand how much this mattered to me before I realized we had lived together for a whole month and you didn’t even say it once.” Rin looked up through dark eyelashes to see Haru’s eyes flicker with guilt, “I’m not saying this to make you feel bad ‘cause I could’ve said something and I didn’t. It’s just that—I know you love me, Haru. But my insecurities just…they got the best of me, I guess.
“You never said it and when I did, you always seemed so hesitant to answer. Like you had to think about it. Then Makoto and Sousuke said it to each other, then Kisumi and Asahi, and they don’t even live together! Then you started coming home later and later even though you’re tapering for Nationals and then when mom greeted you when we went to Iwatobi, you said ‘tadaima’ so…easily.” His voice shook so bad and the tears became an endless river over his reddened cheeks, “I started to think maybe I was the problem. Maybe you didn’t feel at home with me and was avoiding seeing me ‘cause you were too afraid to say it to my face.”
His voice cracked again and the next thing he felt was Haru’s distraught whisper in his ear as he pulled Rin into his arms, “No. Fuck, Rin, I’m so sorry.”
Haru kissed his temple, his wet lashes and the tears under his eyes until Rin’s sobs calmed down and the pounding in his ears lessened.
After minutes of painful breaths and only the sound of Haru’s lips on his skin, Rin finally cooled enough to look at Haru, “I’m sorry, Ha—
“Rin.”
Haru had a firm expression on his face, eyes flashing with determination, “I regret nothing, okay? If anything, I was just dumb for not noticing how you felt.” While Haru still looked resolute, the confidence in his eyes seemed to slowly fade, leaving a place for hurt, “I got used to coming home to an empty place. After Obaasan.”
Rin had never heard Haru sound so small before. He brushed dark hair away from Haru’s face and squeezed his strong hand even harder than before.
“The first time you said it after we moved, I—I got paralyzed. It was everything I didn’t know I needed. I guess…I still don’t believe I deserve it. That’s why I hesitated to answer all those times. I was shook.”
When Haru looked up, Rin could see unshed tears shimmering.
“When Miyako welcomed us, I—she reminds me of Obaasan. A warm presence. Motherly.” Rin’s heart broke for the millionth time. “It was easy to fall into it. It wasn’t because I felt safer with her than I do with you or something.”
Haru furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head almost disbelievingly, “There’s no one that makes me feel safer than you.”
Haru turned away, putting his bare feet on the floor and intertwining his hands together between his open thighs.
Rin knew that meant he needed a moment. That they could keep talking and that Haru was just trying to work on his frustrations with himself. So Rin let him have his space.
“I get that now, but…” Rin started carefully, “Why did you keep getting home late if you didn’t have practice?”
Haru let out an unamused huff, “I was at Hidaka. I had to do something for class to actually pass the semester. Coming home meant I would either disturb your studies during exam week or that I’d get distracted from mine because I just want to kiss you all the time.”
The way Haru sounded so sincere, Rin was not expecting that at all. He couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh God!”
Christ, they were both still idiots.
Haru chuckled back and they let their giggles fall into silence again. Until Haru took one of Rin’s hands into his and his eyes searched Rin’s whole face for something.
“When did the swimming stuff get to your head?”
There it was.
Rin knew it would come. That it needed to come. But the wounded look Haru had, Rin knew he was repeating Rin’s words all over his head.
Rin breathed in, “I’m not really sure. You know me, I let all my anxieties get intertwined,” het let out a weak chuckle to try and lessen the mood, but Haru didn’t laugh back this time.
Rin swallowed in dry.
“Sorry. I—I guess, if I’m being honest about it…I was worried you’d never feel like this is your home. Like moving in made you realize we couldn’t have a home together without swimming together. We have completely different routines now. We go to different universities, you have practice, I have the internship and—we don’t have the same dream anymore. We can’t have the same dream anymore. Well, I can’t.”
Rin saw Haru scrunch his forehead trying hard to understand, so he continued, “Part of me kept thinking you just never gave up on me—on our relationship—out of pity, after my injury.” Haru opened his mouth to protest but Rin beat him to it with a hand on his jaw, “I know that’s not true, Haru. I know. But my head got so…messed up.
“I’m not gonna lie so…please, understand that this is not me trying to discredit you or make you feel like you don’t deserve everything you’ve achieved. But if fucking sucks that all I can do these days is cheer when what I really want is to be there by the lane next to you.”
Rin had kept it to himself for so long that this time he wasn’t even mad the tears started flowing again.
“I’m trying so hard to make peace with everything and to be glad for you and our friends, because I am genuinely proud of you, it’s just that there’s this—” Rin clutched at his chest desperately, throat clotting up, “— weight and bitterness that keep pushing me down and down all the time and I just can’t reach you.”
Through blurred eyes, Rin could see Haru’s lower lip tremble and lone tears slowly slide down his cheekbones.
“I’m just so scared that we might never be as happy as we were before Tokyo, Haru.”
Haru put a hand over his mouth, like he was trying to keep down sobs, and the next thing Rin knew was Haru sliding his fingers desperately through his crimson locks, their lips meeting into a salty open mouthed kiss.
Rin gripped Haru’s elbow with one hand and pulled on his nape with the other as they swallowed each other’s whimpers. Rin leveraged himself on Haru’s shoulders to put his legs on top of Haru’s, who grasped at his thighs in approval and licked deep into his mouth, increasing the sounds coming out of Rin’s throat.
They had said so much already that words weren’t enough anymore.
Rin could feel Haru’s apologies in the way he stroked his cheek gently. He could feel Haru’s hurt in the way he bit on Rin’s lower lip. He could feel Haru’s reassurances in the way he licked over the bite and his lips slithered down Rin’s neck. He could feel Haru’s frustration at not being able to make Rin feel better about all of it in the way he groaned low at times and pulled at Rin’s waist to bring them closer.
He knew Haru understood him. In the way his eyes glazed up as he traced his thumb over Rin’s lips before saying, “You’re incredible. I’m so happy with you. We’ll find a way. I love you.”
Rin let out a choked whine and pulled on Haru’s short locks tightly, receiving a groan in answer, “Say that again.”
Haru panted against his mouth and pulled their hips closer, “I love you.”
Rin kissed Haru’s wet lips again, tongues sliding against each other just like Rin remembered their bodies gliding through water together and more tears made their way to their frantic kissing.
Haru’s hands were everywhere, comforting and demanding all at once. Massaging his thighs, bunching his shirt on his lower back and pulling on the neckline so he could trail his tongue over Rin’s collarbone.
Rin felt hazy, brain fogging up, and all he could do was keep on pulling Haru into him, stroking over his chest and feeling goosebumps rise on his nape as Rin caressed the sensitive spot, tugging at the strands there and feeling the vibrations on his own tongue as Haru tried to control his moans.
The tears stopped flowing and the kiss turned slower, more loving, less rough. They pulled away, breathing heavily against each other and Haru suddenly disentangled himself from Rin, pulling gently at his hand, coaxing Rin’s lethargic limbs to stand, and kissed him tenderly again before walking them backwards towards the bedroom.
Rin pushed at his shoulders slightly and he could feel Haru’s smile against his lips. He grinned back, teeth knocking, and Rin couldn’t contain his snort as Haru stopped to hiss after he hit the back of his knee on the TV stand.
“Sorry, baby.” He giggled and kissed Haru sweetly in apology.
“It’s alright.” Haru mumbled against his jaw.
When they walked into the room, Rin pushed Haru to sit on the bed and straddled his strong thighs, hands on his throat, pressing gently.
Haru’s eyes were unfocused and he tried to bring their mouths together against Rin’s constraint halfheartedly until Rin was the one that closed the distance between them.
Rin rocked lazily on top of Haru’s lap, feeling hands guiding his movements as they made out.
He loved when Haru got all pliant beneath him, letting Rin set the pace. But he could tell Haru was getting impatient, grabbing his hips a bit tighter and thrusting his tongue into his mouth a bit harder.
“Rin,” Haru gasped, “Let me.”
Haru grasped Rin’s knee with a hand and his other arm hooked itself around Rin’s lower back. With a strength Rin always forgot Haru possessed, the dark haired man pulled then up and rolled Rin onto his back to the center of the bed, fitting himself between Rin’s legs again, hands trailing slowly down his calf.
Rin felt goosebumps rise beneath his sweatpants.
Haru nuzzled that spot near his ear and Rin almost wailed. Haru had barely touched him and he was already hypersensitive. He could feel a bruise blooming where warm lips and tongue sucked mercilessly on his neck.
Rin arched his back when he felt Haru’s hand trace a path up his leg, tickling the place behind his knee, teasing near his crotch and coming to rest on his lower back underneath the T-shirt he was still wearing.
“Haru,” Rin whined, pulling on both of their shirts, “Off. ”
Haru pulled away enough to get his own top over his head and Rin couldn't resist running his hands over Haru’s abs, loving the way they tensed under his touch. Haru leaned back down and kissed Rin so thoroughly his legs started shaking with the effort of hugging Haru’s hips close to his.
Haru pulled away and started placing open mouthed kisses over his shirt, down his chest and abs, pausing just by the hem of Rin’s pants. “Fuck, Haru.”
Placing his hands on either side of Rin’s torso, Haru slowly— finally—slid Rin’s shirt up, kissing every inch of uncovered skin as he went. He stopped when the shirt reached Rin’s armpits, taking his time to pull one nipple into his mouth.
Rin threw his head back into the pillow as Haru’s thumb took his mouth’s place, rubbing teasingly and endlessly while lips switched to the other hard nipple. He tugged at the hair on Haru’s nape and moaned loudly, trying to rub off against Haru’s stomach.
When he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Haru detached himself and pulled Rin up so he could take the t-shirt off, throwing it mindlessly across the room. On their way back down, Haru took the leverage to get his hand over Rin’s ass, under his sweats.
Their lips were open against each other’s, tongues meeting into a dirty kiss as Haru’s middle finger stroked between his cheeks.
“Nngh—” Rin broke the kiss, panting helplessly, “Haru, off…take them off, please.”
Haru sucked on an earlobe, always fucking teasing , before kissing the tip of a wet nipple gently, making Rin’s body shudder. Haru sat up on his haunches, gliding one hand down Rin’s leg and thumbing the wet patch over his crotch with the other, making Rin thrust up into it.
He brought Haru’s hands to the hem of his pants, yearning for him to just—
“Ah..” Rin gasped in relief as the straint over his hard cock was released when Haru pushed his boxer briefs down along with the sweatpants.
He didn’t even notice Haru taking off his own pants when suddenly the black-haired was back on top of him, bending Rin’s knee and he angled their hips to create friction between them, rocking slowly. Their noses brushed together and Rin heaved against Haru’s mouth.
Taking Haru’s hand off of his leg, Rin guided it between his legs, arching his back as Haru stroked his taint with two fingers, thumb teasing his entrance.
Haru kissed his throat, his chin, his cheek until he reached Rin’s ear, “One sec, love.”
Rin moaned in complaint as Haru pulled away, feeling him stretch over his shoulder for something on their nightstand.
He moaned even loudly when Haru came back with slicked fingers, rubbing over his hole. “Fuck.”
Haru reached behind Rin’s head to pull off the hair band, leaving it abandoned between the sheets, and then brushed loose strands gently away from his forehead. His hand tugged at Rin’s nape and his lips covered Rin’s as a finger slowly slid into him.
Rin shook and moaned brokenly, clenching around Haru.
“Shh…” Haru stilled and kissed his temple, calming him down.
Rin nodded shakily and kissed Haru’s mouth to distract himself, willing his body to relax.
“Okay?”
Just as Haru said it, he also managed to stroke just the right place to make Rin thrash around his finger.
“Oh—fuck!” Rin trapped Haru between his legs, bringing their bodies closer and making Haru reach deeper, “Please…another.”
Haru took an eternity teasing him, slowly pulling his finger in and out, in and out, before actually getting a second finger inside. Haru brushed his sweet spot with each thrust of his fingers and the stretch was so good Rin couldn’t help thrust back into them.
Haru put a hand over his hip, forcing it down back onto the bed.
“Rin…” Haru looked at him with determined blue eyes, fingers sliding in deeper, “Let me do the work.”
Rin weeped, helpless under Haru’s stare.
He was already close to the brink when Haru’s ring finger joined the other two, scissoring them ruthlessly as his thumb kept rubbing Rin’s perineum.
Rin’s mouth fell into an ‘o’, chest heaving and legs trembling. He caressed Haru’s nape, looking up through his lashes and pleading for something, anything.
When the tip of Haru’s thumb went in with the other three fingers, Rin almost lost it. It only got worse when he noticed Haru’s eyes. Sex-drunk and never flickering away from Rin’s face.
Rin felt so tremendously adored that he choked, “Haru… Baby, please.”
Haru’s eyes darkened even more and he leaned to take Rin’s nipple between his lips, middle finger pressing hard over his prostate. Haru kitten-licked his sensitive bud, sucked and bit it, kissed it just like he would kiss Rin’s mouth and blue eyes focused and unfocused as he looked up to watch Rin’s expressions.
After what seemed like a whole lifetime, Haru pulled away, kissing Rin’s mouth gently before reaching for the lube bottle again. Rin’s body shook with anticipation, limbs already pliant and legs spreading unconsciously. He felt the cold lube on his entrance as Haru rubbed his fingers over it, getting his fingers inside Rin one last time before he started lubing up his own member.
Rin tried to reach for him, but Haru laid over him, pushing him into the bed and planting a sweet kiss on Rin’s jaw, “Just enjoy it.”
Rin could barely keep his eyes open. He felt as Haru positioned the tip of his cock over his entrance, tilting Rin’s head towards his with two fingers and looking deep into crimson eyes, asking for permission. Rin nodded slightly and felt Haru slowly sliding in, inspecting Rin’s face for any discomfort.
Rin hugged Haru’s hips with his knees and pulled at his neck reaching for a kiss, but more panting against Haru’s lips than anything, just needing the closeness to distract him from the burn. When Haru bottomed out, they both inhaled deeply, foreheads touching.
Haru brushed their noses together and Rin nodded frantically. Haru pulled almost all the way out and carefully slid in again.
“Haru—
“Hey.” Haru answered softly, “You’re okay, love.”
Rin’s legs quivered around Haru and his fingers trembled where they held Haru’s jaw and waist, midriff tensing. Haru kept up at a tortuously slow pace, making Rin feel every inch of him as he thrusted in and out. He wanted so badly to just thrust up, to push Haru into the bed and ride him till they both came as fast as possible.
But he wanted so much more to be good for Haru. And this — Haru being brutally slow and so loving — was exactly what Rin craved.
He felt Haru’s lips underneath his eyes and noticed a salty taste when Haru kissed him. He didn't even realize he had started crying again.
“You’re okay.” Haru repeated.
He placed a soft kiss on Rin’s forehead, squeezing his thigh tenderly, and that did it for Rin.
His muscles spasmed and he was suddenly coming untouched all over their stomachs. His back arched, toes curling in and hands grabbing Haru’s waist desperately as he cried out, tightening around Haru.
Haru kept thrusting shallowly, trailing kisses on Rin’s face and collarbone, when Rin felt his whole body tense and cum filled him up. They rocked together through their aftershocks until it became too much and Haru pulled out, slowly kissing Rin to distract him from the uncomfortable feeling.
They made out leisurely for a long time, hot breaths mixing in and fingers exploring all over each other. Rin felt all pliable, fingers faintly caressing Haru’s hair as the dark-haired trailed his hands down his thighs and kissed his sternum languidly. Haru’s fingers brushed his entrance, fingers slipping in easily and dragging up against his walls and Rin twitched with hypersensitivity.
“Haru…”
Haru pulled his hand away, focusing on kissing Rin’s jaw until he calmed down.
Rin’s eyelids were heavy, shoulders light and legs loose under Haru’s touches. He felt like he could fall asleep any moment if it weren’t for the stickiness over his abs and between his cheeks.
He scrunched up his face, reluctantly bringing Haru’s head up and away from his chest. He pointed at their middles.
“We need to shower. It’s drying and it’s gross.” He slurred.
Haru looked at him seriously.
“We need to bathe.” He corrected and dragged the red-hair to the bathroom, Rin snickering all the way.
Rin felt like mush.
Haru had kissed his neck and washed his locks gently as Rin rested his back on Haru’s chest in the bath and—
Fuck, they could’ve avoided so much hurt if he’d just talked. Still idiots, indeed.
But they’d be okay.
They pulled into boxers and loose hoodies — well, Rin wore a hoodie, Haru was a walking furnace — and changed the bed sheets so they could lie comfortably in bed. Haru was lying on his back and Rin rested his head over his chest, hugging his waist in an attempt to steal some of his body heat.
His eyes only got heavier after their bath and Rin was on the verge of sleep as Haru’s chest went up and down with slow breaths when he heard Haru whisper.
“You know…I miss you.”
Rin raised his leg higher on Haru’s hip and turned slightly so he could rest his chin on his boyfriend’s pectorals.
“What? I’m right here now,” Rin furrowed his eyebrows, “We’ll work our routines out—
“No, I mean—” Haru traced over his eyebrows with zealous fingers, “You haven’t really been here, have you? Not since Tokyo.”
Rin swallowed hard.
He knew Haru wasn’t saying he didn’t love Rin anymore. The way he said it, with so much carefulness and concern, had Rin realizing Haru had noticed more than he’d let on.
Haru huffed softly through his nostrils, a sad little smile on his lips.
“I miss the you that put me on my toes. That lit up the whole room. With your big smiles. Your smug attitude. Even though you’re not smug at all. You’re the most hardworking person I’ve ever met. I miss the you that…didn’t let anyone get in your way to take over the world.”
Haru paused, like he was thinking how to get his words right.
“After you got hurt, it’s like—it’s like you’ve become the person that stops yourself from reaching your dreams.”
“Haru…”
Haru stopped him once more with a gentle thumb over his bottom lip.
“I need to say something. You’re not gonna like it. But you’d be the one calling it out if it was the other way around, so I owe it to you now.” Even though he said that, Haru still searched Rin’s face for approval, making sure they weren’t hurting each other anymore, “I think you should try therapy again.”
Rin rose onto an elbow to look more clearly at Haru’s face, confused with what he was saying.
“Haru, I already—
“Not physical, Rin.”
Oh.
Rin blinked repeatedly, trying to process.
He went to therapy after the diagnosis. Everyone but their mother had pestered him about how important it was as part of the treatment. And he knew it was important, it’s just that—
“It’s uncomfortable.” Exactly, he thought as Haru continued, “I’ve been there. I know how it sucks when you feel like you’re being cut open. But talking helps. And I understand if you’re not ready to talk about it with me yet. Fuck, Rin. it’s okay if you’re never ready to talk to me about it. But you should talk to someone. To try and be yourself again.”
It was so weird sometimes realizing how much they had grown over the years. And even though he caught a hint of pain in Haru’s voice, being faced with how much Haru had matured now, it was mind blowing.
And Rin was so grateful for it.
He leaned back down to kiss Haru’s cheek and lips gently, not having the right words to say but hoping Haru understood it.
They stared at each other in silence, just contemplating the moment when Rin couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Furrowing his eyebrows exaggeratedly, he went into teasing mode, “When did you get so wise?”
He could see mirth shine into beautiful blue eyes even if his face was expressionless.
“Oh, you know. There’s this guy. Red hair, sharp teeth, always annoying? Figured I should get sharp if I wanted to shut him up.” He shrugged one shoulder, making Rin’s head rise with it.
Rin hummed and nodded firmly, “He seems cool. Must be very attractive.”
Haru smirked lightly.
“Oh, he is. Very.”
Dick, Rin thought as he couldn’t help but blush. Rolling his eyes, he hid the grin in Haru’s chest in an attempt to dissipate the heat on his cheeks.
“Yeah …” Haru said softly, “That’s the smile I missed.”
Rin would not cry again, Jesus fucking Christ.
Keeping his water ducts in check, Rin hugged Haru’s waist a little tighter, leaving butterfly kisses over his chest before looking up at Haru.
“I’m sorry I ever doubted your feelings.” He said in a voice so small he wasn’t sure Haru heard it.
Haru brushed his red locks behind Rin’s ear gently.
“I’m sorry I gave you reason to.”
Haru won gold in the hundred meter free at Nationals. And Rin almost screamed his voice out from the stands.
Things weren’t exactly all fine yet. But they were easier. And Rin’s smile was large and genuine when Haru winked at him from the podium.
The weight over Rin’s shoulders was still there. But it was lighter.
After races ended, everyone went over to their place. Nagisa was loud as ever, keeping up with different conversations at the same time as Rei tried to calm him down. Aii did basically the same thing with Momo as the kid kept pestering his big sister and Gou with bug talk. They didn’t seem bothered at all, actually, since they were much more focused on staring at Haru’s triceps flexing as he leaned his elbows on his knees to inspect the kooky insect in the jar on their coffee table, oddly interested in it.
Muscle-freak lesbians and fuck ass weird boyfriends, seriously. Rin had rolled his eyes fondly at the sight.
Sousuke didn’t even give him that judgmental look he’d been sending his way for the past months. On their way out of the swimming center, he’d put a hand on Rin’s elbow, keeping them a few steps away from the group, and said “You look better.”
He didn’t know how — maybe Makoto’s psych abilities were rubbing off on him — but Sousuke knew something had settled Rin’s turbulent thoughts. So he smiled, “I am. And I will be.”
Their friends’ presence didn’t make Haru feel more at home, because he already did, since the beginning. But it was nice being around the whole gang again. Seeing Makoto slip into protect-kouhais mode, Asahi being loud with Nagisa but still paying real attention to Rei while Kisumi chattered with the Mikoshiba siblings — probably the only person that could handle all three of them in the same room.
Because change and peace of mind didn’t come easily, Rin was thankful they were all too distracted to ask any real questions about the apartment or notice the absence of anything Olympian on the walls. But the box of medals on the corner of their room didn’t scare him so much anymore.
Things weren’t exactly all fine yet, but he and Haru were getting better.
Sometimes, Rin still had to say ‘okaeri’ first when Haru came home after night training, but Haru answered more eagerly and with kisses that made Rin’s toes curl.
Therapy was hard. Just like Haru said, Rin did feel like he was being open bare by a stranger and, more times than not, he got back home with a headache and burning eyes from crying. He didn’t even realize how much he had kept hidden and guarded deep into his bones before the tears were falling uncontrollably.
But it was working.
After a particularly rough session, in which he hadn’t cried at all but had left feeling so completely raw and shattered, he didn’t even hear the door click when Haru came home. He was slicing vegetables near the sink, trying to correct the odd pieces made by his shaky hands when he suddenly felt two arms around his waist.
“Tadaima, love.” Haru’s voice whispered in his ear and long fingers pulled the knife out of Rin’s hands, “Let go. I’ll do it.”
He turned into Haru’s arms, murmuring a broken ‘okaeri’ into his neck, and let Haru’s touch put his pieces back together again.
He and Haru had never explicitly talked about it, but therapy was helping Rin identify his unhealthy coping mechanisms.
So he turned down the glass of wine Sousuke offered him when they all met again for one of their triple dates.
Kisumi, Asahi, Makoto and Haru were chatting on the balcony. Asahi sat on the floor between Kisumi’s legs as the pink-haired’s hands massaged his shoulders. Makoto was standing up and gesturing broadly with his arms, clearly tipsy and being encouraged by Kisumi, if his flushed cheek were anything to go by. Haru was leaning on the balcony railing, smiling fondly at his best friend and stealing a glance at Rin every now and then, blue eyes shining.
Rin sat on the living room floor where he looked through Makoto’s college books.
Sousuke returned with a cup of tea that he placed by Rin’s elbow on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch.
He’d missed Sousuke.
“How are you, Rin?”
Even though Rin wasn’t taken by bitterness anymore and Sousuke’s judgment over Rin’s behavior in relation to swimming was almost non-existent now, their friendship still seemed at odds sometimes.
Rin knew the weight of Sousuke’s question.
He would take this opportunity to be honest.
Rin nodded softly, looking up at his childhood friend, “I’m good.”
And Rin meant it. Sousuke nodded back and opened his mouth to say something, but Rin beat him to it.
“I had an appointment last week.”
Sousuke raised his eyebrows, “Oh. How did it go?”
There was a hint of apprehensiveness in his voice. Rin could recognize it as the fear of someone who’s heard a lot of bad news in his life.
He paused for a moment, thinking about how to articulate the words.
“Erm…The doctor said I could—I could try and get back to competitive training. With time.”
“Rin! That’s great! You can—what’s wrong?” Sousuke interrupted himself when he saw Rin fidget with his fingers nervously, shifting on the floor.
Here goes nothing.
“I don’t…I’m not sure I want to go back.” He said slowly, anticipating Sousuke’s reaction.
Teal eyes showed he was clearly not expecting to hear that. Hell, Rin never thought he’d say it. Surprise was an understandable feeling.
Sousuke hesitated, “I thought…this was what you wanted.”
“It was for a long while.” Rin chuckled faintly, “I’m not sure when things changed, but—
Rin shifted, sitting on his haunches to look at Sousuke more clearly. His mind started racing.
“It’s just—there was this kid in my internship, he was so good and he just beat everyone’s record at the swimming center. He was so determined. I think he reminded me a lot of myself when we were teenagers.” Sousuke chuckled and Rin smiled, “But suddenly he just—his times got higher and I noticed he was always clutching his calf after a race. We were just going through practical myofascial release in class so I asked him and coach if we could try it and…he swam so freely after that, Sousuke!”
Sousuke attentively listened to his ramblings and gave him time to talk, smile amused and fondly confused on his face.
Rin sat back down, trying to calm his thoughts. He looked down at his hands as he voiced out the next words.
“He was in pain for weeks and didn’t say anything. And if he was back at it with one release, imagine what he’ll be able to do in the future, with the right treatment and monitoring.”
They stayed quiet for a while, hearing Asahi’s boisterous voice from the balcony.
“I knew where to look for signs something was wrong because I’ve been there. Suffering in silence, you know how that feels. And it made me realize—I miss swimming. A lot. But I could be doing so much…more .” He turned to Sousuke again, “I could be helping kids like you and me. And I don’t have to be a coach to do that. I can help athletes get stronger. Help them so they don’t get hurt like I did. So they can go further.”
Sousuke was still silent for a long moment and he must have noticed Rin’s eyes glancing at Haru.
“Have you told him yet?”
Rin shook his head slightly, still looking down, “You’re the first one.”
“Rin,” Sousuke said firmly and Rin turned towards him, “Thank you. For telling me. It looks like you’ve pretty much made up your mind and I know how you get when you’re set on something…”
Rin braced himself.
“But you have my whole support either way. It’s good to see you back.”
Rin felt like he could breathe again and, simultaneously, they both got up to share a tight hug.
“Thank you, Sousuke.”
Rin let himself enjoy his best friend’s embrace for as long as he could before Sousuke said, “Ok. Nanase’s glaring at me, we should probably stop.”
They pulled away and Rin laughed loudly, mocking Sousuke.
“You’re afraid of Haru now, is that it?”
“Shut the fuck up, Rin. He’s all tiny compared to me.”
“You’re not denying it.”
Sousuke sighed exasperatedly at Rin’s smirk and ignored the comment, “He’s also completely whipped. So everything will be fine when you do tell him.”
And Rin knew it would be fine.
Haru’s first reaction when Rin told him was to pull Rin into the warmest hug ever before he kissed him until their lips were swollen and red, and he whispered against Rin’s mouth, “I’m proud of you. You’ll be brilliant.”
One day, it hits different.
Haru was…he was amazing. Rin had fallen in love when they were children and he kept falling and falling every day.
Because Haru was still a stubborn ‘I only swim free’ little shit all the time. Giving Azuma headaches, baffling everyone with his bullheadedness and not caring for any limits that should have stopped him from getting into the fish tank at the aquarium last week.
But now he came home with a warm ‘tadaima’ on the tip of his tongue, mouth shaped deliciously around it as he kissed Rin’s lips.
He missed him so bad.
“Why are you so nervous, Rin?”
Kisumi’s amused voice interrupted his fidgeting hands.
Rin turned to him as they got out of Marron and snorted.
“I’m not nervous.” He made sure to shrug his shoulders to make his point across.
“You spent the whole past hour shaking your leg restlessly, now you keep messing up your hair. And I don’t think it’s the caffeine…”
Kisumi side-eyed him with a smirk on his face and Rin huffed in answer.
“Are you missing, Haru?”
“They’ve only been away for two weeks, Kisumi.”
Japan’s National Team had a friendly competition being hosted in Sweden that, much to Rin’s disappointment, he wasn’t able to attend because of classes.
So obviously, he missed his boyfriend. But he was not about to admit that. They weren’t that kind of couple, okay?
Kisumi hummed, “Well, I miss Asahi. You know how quiet it is without him here? I hate it.”
Rin couldn’t help but chuckle at his friend. It was scary and very fascinating how Kisumi and Asahi should — and could — be complete hazards together but instead grounded each other so well.
“Good thing we only gotta distract ourselves for…” Kisumi made a show of glancing at his watch, “...one more hour before we head to the airport!”
One more long hour.
Truth is, Rin was kinda nervous. Not only because he missed Haru and couldn’t wait to get his mouth on those shoulders and leave bite marks Azuma would chide Haru about the next day. But because he had something he needed to ask Haru.
He knew he didn’t have any real reason to be nervous, but there was just this fluttering in his stomach he couldn’t quite explain.
One hour later Rin forgot all about it.
Fifteen hour-flights had nothing on Haru. Tousled black hair from airplane seats, jet-lagged droopy blue eyes and he looked just as beautiful as ever. Well, maybe Rin was just an infatuated fool.
Either way, his heart skipped a beat when Haru’s tired blue eyes found his own crimson ones amidst the crowd that filled the waiting area. Even from a distance, Rin could see the way Haru’s face softened.
It was only when Haru’s strong arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders that Rin grasped onto the fact this was the first time they’ve actually been apart from each other during a competition since Rin stopped swimming professionally. No wonder he had missed it.
But nothing had prepared him for his next realization.
Haru had tucked his nose under Rin’s ear and Rin could feel his own chest rise with Haru’s deep inhale. When Haru whispered against his neck, Rin’s whole body shivered.
“Tadaima.”
Rin choked. His eyes burned and his throat closed up, lips trembling slightly as he tightened his own arms around Haru’s lithe waist.
He had spent so much time thinking Haru didn’t feel comfortable in their new place, trying to understand why, inviting their friends in an attempt to make it seem more like home when—
Rin was his home.
He pushed softly at Haru’s ribs and looked into stunning sapphire orbs, “Okaeri, baby.”
“Why are you crying?” Haru’s voice was as tender as the way he brushed at Rin’s cheekbone before one traitor tear could slide down his face.
“Nothing! I’m fine, seriously!” He chuckled wetly while shaking his head and tears away, “I’m just—
So happy.
Rin interrupted himself, caught up by emotions.
“I actually wanted to ask you something.” He took Haru’s hand as he said it, “I was thinking about what Gou said. A few months back? And I wanted to know…”
Rin bit his lip anxiously but one look at Haru’s open expression was enough to settle his nerves again.
“What do you think about putting up our medals near the temple? We could do it after we get home, if you…want.”
Haru stared at him intensely before smiling slowly, “I think that’s a— ah —
Rin couldn’t help but snicker at Haru’s poor attempt at holding in on a yawn.
“—a great idea.”
Rin smiled softly, brushing Haru’s bangs out of his slow blinking eyes, “Well, maybe after a nap.”
Even if caffeine wasn’t the reason Rin was so antsy before, it did stop him from enjoying a nap tangled up with Haru under the soft blanket.
But it didn’t stop him from running his fingers through fresh-washed obsidian locks as his boyfriend slept.
Rin didn’t even notice the time ticking until he felt gentle fingers on his thigh and turned to see Haru looking up at him through low-lidded eyes.
“Morning.” Haru’s voice was enticingly hoarse. Rin chuckled.
“It’s six pm, babe.”
Haru groaned and hid his face on the pillow.
“How about early dinner?”
Haru hummed, turning only enough for one eye to be visible, “Are you cooking?”
Rin smirked.
“I’m making mackerel.”
So easy, Rin thought as Haru bolted upright.
The dark haired brought his face closer to Rin’s, nuzzling his cheek, before muttering in his ear.
“Don’t overcook it.”
Rin rolled his eyes and pushed a snickering Haru away, “Dick. You’ll eat it and you’ll like it.”
After a perfectly fine cooked dinner, Rin went to their bedroom while Haru, much more awake now, took care of the dishes.
He was just getting out of the kitchen when Rin walked out, box in hand.
“Wanna do it now?”
“A little down to the left. Just a bit more—No! No, you went too much. Left up, slowly, just a tiny—there, stop! Right there. Great, babe.”
Haru glared just a tiny bit at him as Rin sent a sharp sweet smile his way after spending the past twenty minutes deciding where to hang up their medals and then giving demanding instructions for Haru to position the display just perfectly.
The trophy shelf and medal hanger was placed on the opposite wall to the temple they’d put together for his dad and Haru’s grandmother, near the large window in their living room.
It was perfect.
Rin kissed Haru’s shoulder appeasingly as he walked past him to arrange the medals on the hanger’s pins and Haru went towards the box on the floor to grab a few of the remaining trophies.
They went back and forth like this til each item was in its right place. Rin walked backwards slowly, admiring everything they’ve been through and smiled as he imagined his dad’s proud grin.
Until Haru did a complete one-eighty.
“So…this means you don’t have a competence kink?”
Rin choked.
Oh God.
He felt his cheeks flush and eyes go wide before he forcibly squeezed them shut. Freaking Kisumi. He didn’t even consider that Haru would remember that damn comment.
He turned in surprise towards Haru standing behind him to see the dark-haired weirdo pulling at a narrow strip of fabric from under his shirt collar, “And knowing I won another medal would do nothing for you?
“When did you even get that?” Rin sputtered. Haru just raised a single eyebrow. “I mean—it wasn’t—it wasn’t even a real competition! Why do you have a medal?”
Rin couldn’t control his arms from making expansive gestures as he spluttered and the heat at the back of his neck refused to go down.
“Incentive, they said.” Haru shrugged nonchalantly, “And I swam like I was at the fucking Olympics again.”
Fuck.
Cursing.
God, was Haru hot when he cursed. And cursing meant Haru was either angry or, well. Aroused.
Fuck.
Rin felt his whole body shiver and his eyes were fixed on Haru’s hand, fingers caressing the gold medal over his chest. Rin pulled his bottom lip between his sharp teeth forcibly, letting it free slowly as he dragged his steps towards Haru, reaching for the gold.
He noticed Haru’s eyes on his mouth.
Fingering the cold metal beneath his fingers, Rin looked at Haru with heavy lidded eyes, “And um…did you…break any records?”
Haru wet his own lips while Rin thumbed the gold, keeping his face down towards it and staring at Haru through his eyelashes.
“Repeated my Tokyo time.” Haru slurred.
“At a fucking friendly?”
Rin gaped.
Haru’s ‘Tokyo time’ was a freaking world record.
Rin got a cocky smirk and a little eyebrow raise in answer, “That enough for you, babe?”
“Fuck.” Rin shook his head and felt his own lips stretch into a disbelieving grin.
He bit his lip again and moved his hand from the medal to Haru’s chest, tracing his forefinger up and down his sternum slowly and feeling even through Haru’s shirt the way he shivered, hard nipples showing. He looked right into those ocean blue eyes he loved and gave Haru a falsely coy smile, voice low with his own lust now.
“You won this for me?”
He felt beneath his fingers the way Haru’s chest went up as his breath hitched, eyes still hooked on Rin’s mouth, “Always for you.”
Rin’s patience worn out with his own little game. He shook his head once more and let out a harsh breath, pulling on the medal’s ribbon around Haru’s neck roughly.
“Come here, Nanase.”
Haru’s mouth met his aggressively, teeth knocking and tongues immediately tangling up as Rin’s back met the wall, Haru’s hand coming to the back of his head. Rin felt the golden metal between their chests, his fingers stopped playing with the ribbon and hands made their way to Haru’s slender waist, roaming up and down, grazing hard nipples and pulling Haru even closer by the neck.
Haru’s kisses never failed to make Rin weak at the knees. He kissed like Rin was his whole world. He kissed like he was reaching for gold, pushing further to the limit, but confidently in a way only Haru could pull off, like he knew Rin as much as he knew water. Like he was safe and had nothing to lose.
Rin pressed his thumbs against Haru’s throat and felt a strong hand sliding from his lower back, cupping his ass cheek on the way down to the sensible skin on the back of his thighs and suddenly was hiking Rin's leg up onto his hip. Rin pulled away briefly as his back arched involuntarily and Haru took the opportunity to snake his other arm between the wall and Rin’s back, long fingers tickling Rin’s bottom near the waistline of his sweats shorts.
Panting against Haru’s mouth, Rin kept one hand on his neck and watched as Haru’s blue eyes darkened while the other hand drifted through Haru’s torso and found the dimples on his lower back, pressing down on them and bringing Haru’s front closer, creating such an incredible friction between them.
Rin groaned and Haru’s lips found his neck, sucking and nipping and soothing the blossoming bruise with slow licks while Rin rutted shallowly against his body, bracing his leg tightly over Haru’s waist for more leverage.
“Fuck.”
Rin let his head fall to the wall and pulled tightly at Haru’s black locks tickling his collarbones, moans already coming out of his mouth uncontrollably.
“Already? We’re not even started.” Haru whispered against his throat and before Rin knew what was happening, Haru’s hand snaked down to the back of his thigh and Rin lost his ground. Literally.
“Oh.” With both legs around Haru’s waist now, Rin braced his elbows on Haru’s shoulders, hands messing up his black hair even more as Rin grinded down, “Fuck, I always forget how strong you got. Warn me next time, idiot.”
“You sure you just don’t want to admit that you love how I can pick you up?”
Haru’s eyes glinted back at Rin and his fingers slowly made their way from Rin’s thigh to his ass, middle finger rubbing teasingly the space between his cheeks.
Rin’s legs were already starting to shake and he hated just how much Haru knew exactly what he was doing. He pulled on Haru’s hair and brought his lips to his own into a wet hurried kiss, ankles hooking against Haru’s lower back so he could chase, simultaneously, the feel of Haru’s finger against his clothed entrance and the way their cocks rubbed against one another with each thrust.
“If you’re so competent,” Rin panted, “then you can carry me to the bedroom, right?”
Haru stared, smirked and pushed them off of the wall, one arm still around Rin’s lower back while the other propped Rin’s bottom before he suddenly stopped on his way to the door, eyes squeezing shut.
“Rin.” He hissed, “Stop moving for a second.”
Now it was Rin’s turn to smirk as he only ground down harder against his boyfriend’s cock, feeling it harden more and more, “C’mon, you can do it, baby.”
He felt Haru’s arms tighten around him to stop his hips and Rin groaned in complaint, but settled with distracting Haru with open mouthed, wet kisses all over his neck.
When they get to the bedroom, Rin lets himself get pushed down to the bed, relishing in Haru’s enticing and powerful touches, skilful hands roaming all over Rin’s body, shorts being pulled down and t-shirt getting thrown aside before Haru started attacking his nipples with thirsty lips as he rutted against Rin’s thigh and deft fingers started slowly stroking Rin’s shaft through his boxers.
Rin didn’t even try to control the whimpers, back arching towards Haru’s mouth.
“Haru,” He choked out, bringing Haru’s lips into another dirty kiss before grabbing Haru’s shoulders and pushing them hard so Haru was on his back and Rin straddled his hips, lips never parting even if Rin could feel Haru’s open into a surprised gasp against his.
Rin smiled at his reaction, grinding his hips down and feeling Haru’s hand speed up a notch between their bodies, teasing.
“I’ll be on top today.” Rin whispered between wet little kisses, thumbs pressing slightly on Haru’s throat, feeling it bob as the dark-haired swallowed hard.
“As if I’d argue with that.” Haru muttered back and Rin whined as he pulled his hands away, only to sigh in pleasure as they trailed into his boxers, alternating between stroking and gripping his cheeks, fingertips shy away from where he wanted them most, “Take it off, Rin.”
Rin grinded down once more, reluctant to pull away from feeling so good before Haru got impatient, pulling hard on Rin’s bottom lip and squeezing his hips to push him.
Rin took off the boxers and reached for the nightstand, rummaging through the small drawer for lube while Haru got off his own shorts and underwear, thrusting his hips on the bed in search for some much needed friction as he watched Haru’s abs flex delightfully with each move.
As Haru went to pull on the medal’s ribbon around his neck, Rin threw the lube next to the pillows and pushed Haru down again forcibly, trapping his hips between his thighs.
“No.” Rin stroked Haru’s mouth with careful fingers while the other hand traced the medal’s outlines, “Shirt off. But this stays on.”
Haru smirked against his fingers, tongue teasingly wetting the tips before he pushed up to catch Rin’s lips between his and Rin ground down while helping him pull the shirt off.
“You’re making things very difficult with this kink of yours.” Haru said teasingly after they finally got the T-shirt away with a lot of struggling and three attempts at getting the fabric off of Haru’s nose.
“Shut up.”
They lied down, chest pressed close together and tongue tangling in open mouthed hurried, desperate kisses, Haru’s hands gripping Rin’s hips and guiding their movements, thrusts getting harder and frenzied with each second.
Rin felt Haru’s hand come up beside their heads, reaching for the lost lube bottle in the sheets. He caught Haru’s wrist, parting their mouths and pushing against his chest with the other hand to sit up over Haru’s crotch. He stroked Haru’s sternum tenderly to try and slow down their pace while grabbing the lube.
“Relax,” He breathed out, even though his whole body shuddered as he watched Haru’s chest go up and down rapidly, “Just watch.”
Their gazes never left each other’s as Rin spread the lube over his fingers and Haru’s hands mapped his torso, fingernails teasing slightly as they made their way from his hips to nipples and then all the way back.
Rin braced himself on Haru’s chest, fingers tangling with the medal’s ribbon, and pushed onto his knees to create space between their bodies. Their cocks brushed against each other and Rin was already so over his head he couldn’t control the way his thighs quivered. He brought his hand back, reaching behind to tease himself with the tip of his middle finger, lube dripping down between them.
He felt Haru shiver.
As he teased his hole and slowly, almost torturing himself, got one finger in, Rin let out the tiniest moan, choking on his own breath and mouth falling into an ‘o’. He watched Haru’s pupils get wide blown, his jaw twitched in the way Rin knew was Haru trying to control himself to not pounce and suddenly Rin couldn't keep his eyes open anymore.
There was something so bewildering in knowing Rin could bring Haru to this. To know he could make Haru lose it and give into primal urges even when he hadn’t even touched him.
Rin worked himself leisurely up to two fingers, feeling Haru’s thumbs stroke the space between his crotch and hips then one hand moving up to tweak one hard nub then trail it down again so both hands moved together over Rin’s cheeks and spread them apart.
“Oh, fuck.” Rin buckled forward at the sensation, tightening his grip on the coloured ribbon, making Haru’s neck arch.
Rin opened his eyes, staring at the thin ring of blue in Haru’s eyes as strong hands steered Rin’s movements, heat building up in his stomach with the endless stimulation and Haru’s low groans.
Without warning, Haru brought one long finger to Rin’s entrance, sliding it slowly inside him along Rin’s own fingers and Rin lost it, whining and moaning loudly, clenching and unclenching around them, grinding down desperately. Haru pushed it deeper, crooking his finger and Rin felt like his whole body was on fire.
Haru brought his free hand back, catching Rin’s fingers securely into his as they shook uncontrollably on the ribbon over his chest.
“You feel so soft, Rin.”
“Nng—Shut up. God, it feels so good.” Rin had his eyes tightly shut again, swaying their hips and thrusting down on their fingers fast until it all became too much, “Ok, stop, stop. I’m ready.”
Rin sat up higher so their fingers slid out slowly and lied on Haru’s chest, kissing him open mouthed, tongues battling and teeth sharp over each other’s lips as he reached for the lube again.
Then it was Haru’s turn to moan as Rin coated his cock, getting it easily slick as the lube mixed up with precum, fingers tightening on Rin’s hips as Haru tried to ground himself.
“Teased you for long enough, right?”
Haru only groaned in answer, neck stretching as he followed Rin’s lips when he sat up again.
“Don’t look away.” Rin breathed out and reached behind himself to guide Haru into him languidly, watching Haru’s abs tighten painfully, “Breath, baby.”
Haru let out a harsh breath and Rin bottomed out, clenching around Haru and letting out the deep groan that built up at the back of his throat.
By this point, they were both so pent up there was no time for slow anymore. Rin started moving his hips back and forth, up and down, chasing and chasing, while Haru thrusted back up, knees raised so his feet were planted on the bed and everything was so good Rin could cry.
Haru’s hands were on his ass and Rin’s were over Haru’s chest, fingers never leaving the gold metal.
“You’re so hot, Rin. You feel amazing.” Haru groaned and Rin cried out as Haru found just the right angle to hit his prostate with each thrust.
“Fuck.”
His throat was sore already from moaning, his thighs were aching and Rin just couldn’t take the distance from Haru’s lips anymore. He pulled forcibly at the strip of fabric around Haru’s neck and brought him up to meet his mouth, gripping his nape and rocking desperately on his lap.
And Haru learned to read Rin so well, so fucking well, he knew exactly what he needed.
He kissed and licked Rin’s neck, his collarbones, his nipples, just everywhere and his strong hands guided Rin’s hips up and down, fast and hard, arms flexing deliciously.
Rin arched against Haru as he found his sweet spot once more, hitting it mercilessly and catching Rin’s earlobe between his sinful lips before muttering.
“C’mon, come for me, love.”
And then Rin’s toes were curling and his whole body went rigid before the tension was released all at once in bursts of cum all over their stomachs. Rin was wailing and his hands were pulling hard on the medal ribbon and on the hair over Haru’s nape and he felt warm and so full as Haru came inside him before they both fell onto the bed trying to catch their breaths.
“No.” Rin voiced in the bossy way he knew Haru secretly loved, “I did all the work already, I’m the little spoon tonight.”
Rin could see Haru’s blue eyes roll and a mumble that sounded suspiciously like ‘No, you didn’t, brat’ before he stopped his movements and let Rin pull on his arm, turning his back and placing Haru’s arm over his waist, hot breath tickling red locks.
“Fine.” Haru huffed back, but the nuzzle on Rin’s nape and the tightening on his waist made it clear Haru had no real complaints.
They laid in silence for long moments, Rin stroked the tendons and and bluish veins over Haru’s hand with gentle fingertips, feeling Haru’s breathing get slower and slower as his chest pressed against Rin’s back.
Rin took a deep breath, toes brushing the curve of Haru’s foot, and said quietly, trying not to break the bubble they’ve created, “Hey, Haru?”
Haru hummed, the vibration rolling through Rin’s shoulders.
“You know…” Rin felt Haru’s nose nudge his hair in encouragement as Rin paused, fingers still playing with Haru’s, “We never addressed it, and I understand that neither of us were really available for that, mentally, but I just—
Rin rustled the sheets, turning around into Haru’s arms, bare chests fingerbreadths apart. He cradled Haru’s jaw tenderly, crimson eyes searching bright azure ones.
“I need you to know that I’m here . And you’re not getting rid of me any time soon. Whatever happened when you were a kid…” He watched Haru’s eyes unfocus, jaw clenching almost imperceptibly and Rin’s heart clenched right along with it, “You have someone to come home to, now. You have me. You’ve always had me.”
Haru didn’t answer, not vocally.
Rin had never expected him to.
He felt Haru’s chest rise against his, saw blue eyes close and the tip of his nose brush Rin’s cheekbone. Their lips met gently, much different from before, just for the comfort of being close and safe in their embrace.
“Okaeri, okay?” Rin said firmly against Haru’s mouth. Dark eyelashes tickled his cheeks as Haru nodded quietly, fingertips tracing Rin’s ribs and leaving goosebumps as they went.
Rin closed his own eyes and let their breathing sync, legs intertwined, before it was Haru’s turn to break the silence.
“Rin.”
At the lazy drawl of his name, Rin’s eyelids opened lazily, seeing a glint come back to Haru’s blue orbs.
“Do you wanna go swimming?”
Maroon eyebrows scrunched lightly and Rin smiled amusedly, “Right now?”
“It’s still early. The pool only closes at eleven.”
Gorgeous eyes gleamed at Rin with such intense hope that his heart fluttered.
Rin’s smile turned soft and the fond relieved tilt of Haru’s own answering lips made the butterflies in his stomach go crazy.
They haven’t raced since Tokyo, Rin realized.
Rin was too much of a bitter coward to accept any of Haru’s invitations even after he started physical therapy and then, after a while, he guessed Haru felt too much like he was stepping over eggshells around a fickle Rin only to get shut down every time.
But now…
“Yeah.” Rin breathed out. Lips stretching into a full smirk, he nudged, “And you’re gonna lose, Nanase.”
Haru raised a single dark eyebrow, “Oh yeah? That’s not what my world record says.”
Rin let out a fake disbelieving huff in answer, “You are so full of yourself today! What ever happened to you, uh?”
Despite Haru’s teasing jab, Rin brought their noses together, lips almost touching.
“You love it.” Haru breathed against his mouth, eyes darkening.
“Well, I do…” Rin whispered back, but suddenly pulled away, standing up and laughing as Haru almost crashed his face against the bed in an attempt to chase his lips, “But we don’t have time for round two if I’m going to kick your ass tonight.”
He heard Haru’s pained sigh, muffled by the sheets, as he went in search of their swim trunks and chuckled at his boyfriend’s antics.
At the pool, they raced.
And raced. And raced.
And raced again until their fingers and toes got all wrinkled and their lungs burned with the exertion.
Haru didn’t go easy on him. Because he knew Rin wouldn’t forgive him if he did. And, deep down, Rin knew that he only won a couple out of the infinite amount of races they had because Haru’s body was still feeling the jet lag.
And it was okay.
His shoulder didn't hurt as badly as before. Physical therapy and, honestly, getting rid of the unnecessary stress Rin had put upon himself for long months had made the pain almost nonexistent.
But nothing made him feel lighter and happier than the words Haru whispered against his wet lips after a breath-stealing kiss on the corner of the pool.
“Water finally feels like home again.”