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Chapter Text

𝑹𝒖𝒏 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕
𝑭𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔
𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉, 𝒍𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆, 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒌𝒚
~𝐻𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑦 𝐷𝑜𝑡𝑎𝑛

~•~

Rëonna was just seventeen when she had her first nightmare, and it was so bad that even years later she could still remember it vividly.

Maitimo and she had sat barefoot in the mud around a puddle and played with little boats that Tyelkormo had carved out of wood for her. She could clearly see which had been his first boats, because they were less detailed and chunkier than the others. But Rëonna loved them all, because they were gifts from her brother, and she loved her brothers.

It had rained a few hours ago and the smell of rain still lingered in the air, that still reminded Rëonna of that wonderful, carefree time years later.

The air was cool and a certain dampness still filled it, but she noticed little of it, for she was wrapped in a thick dress of the finest wool that Carnistir had knitted for her.
A few weeks ago he had decided to try his hand at crochet and knitting as well as embroidery, at which he was excellent. Stitches were missing here and there and he had run out of wool and hadn't been able to find the same colour again, which is why half of the right sleeve was a darker red than the rest. Rëonna loved this dress still. It was the first knitting project Carnistir had finished, and it had been for her of all people. Not for Atya, like everything else new her brothers made.
But she also loved the dress because it was in her father's colour, red. And she loved her father very much.

The little wooden boats had been chugging around between her and Maitimo on the puddle, wiggling around in a funny way. Maitimo was already so tall that his body cast a long shadow on the water, which was only good for Rëonna, as she was not dazzled by the light and could observe the boats better.

And that was exactly when it happened. She wasn't sure at the time whether she had fallen into a kind of short sleep or whether it had been a daydream, but the fact was that the small wooden boats blurred before her eyes and seemed to transform into other boats. They grew long necks and became bigger. They took on a shape that made them look very much like swans. Rëonna didn't think too much about it, because the slightly damp weather had made her a little tired, and she liked swans. They were pretty and strong, just like Nerdanel, her mother.

But when these ships burst into flames out of nowhere, it was as if she had been shaken awake, except that she didn't really wake up. She was still standing there, in the middle of the burning ships.
Then the scenery changed abruptly, as it so often did in dreams, and suddenly Rëonna saw her Atya.
Fëanáro was standing only a few metres away from her, a grim expression on his face and something red on his cheek. Was that blood? Was Atya hurt? Was he all right?

He was dressed in armour, but it was much larger and thicker than the armour Rëonna had seen before. She couldn't imagine what her father might need it for.

He looked like Rëonna's Atya, but his eyes were all glassy and there was this piercing expression of hatred in them. Fëanáro never looked like that. Usually his eyes were always gentle and loving. Except maybe when he looked at Ñolofinwë, but even then his dislike was limited.

But before she could do more than stare at him in shock, she saw the wooden boats swaying in the wind in front of her again.

" -onna? Rëonna?" Maitimo?

"Airafinwë? Yeldë, is everything alright?" Atya?

Rëonna's gaze shot up, afraid she was going to look again into those cold and empty eyes that had been her father's.
To her relief, she did not see those eyes. Fëanáro was kneeling beside her, one of his large hands resting on her shoulder and his eyes - his eyes were warm and gentle, as always.

"Are you all right, Airafinwë?" he asked in a worried voice.

Rëonna frowned. "Y-yes."

"She was suddenly very stiff and looked into nowhere," Maitimo reported, who was standing a few steps behind Fëanáro. His knees were trembling slightly.

The expression on her father's face was the one he always had when he had finally found the solution to a difficult problem in the forge, but his features were streaked with concern.

"Surely it was just a bad dream," Rëonna murmured uncertainly, and she didn't quite know who she was saying it to. To herself or to her father.

Fëanáro nodded. "Definitely nothing more than a dream." For a brief moment, she could still see a worry line between his eyes, but a moment later it was gone. "You gave us quite a scare, yeldë."

Fëanáro sighed, wrapped an arm around his daughter and pulled her onto his lap. "Want to talk about your dream, little one?"

Rëonna wasn't sure. On the one hand, she had a burning desire to tell someone, on the other hand, she didn't know if Atya was the right person to talk to. After all, it had been the look in his eyes that had scared her.

Perhaps she should tell Carnistir, because he was not only her best friend, but also her favourite brother, and had been since she was born.
Only a few hours after she had been born, Rëonna had started crying so loudly that Fëanáro had called her little Kano for a few weeks. Nothing that Atya, Maitimo or Makaläure had done had helped to calm her down. At some point, Makaläure had briefly handed his sister over to Carnistir to look for a small rattle that had always calmed Tyelkormo when he was younger. As soon as she lay in Carnistir's arms, however, she fell instantly silent and fell into her first and most peaceful sleep ever. Makalaurë had told her that he had never seen Carnistir so flushed and embarrassed.

On the other hand, Rëonna didn't want to worry her dearest brother. He was already thinking too much about everything and she didn't want him to worry about her as well. After all, nightmares were not necessarily common for elves.

So she nodded. "There was a lot of fire," she said. Fëanáro nodded and gently brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "And- and you were there." Atya's eyebrows shot up and Rëonna realised what he must be thinking. It was a nightmare, a nightmare in which he himself had appeared. But she couldn't possibly tell him that he, of all people, had frightened her. Not after he had already reacted so strongly to appearing in her nightmare. "You- you protected me, Atya. From the flames."

Fëanáro's expression relaxed a little again. "That is good." he whispered and kissed her forehead. "That is very good indeed."

Then he placed a finger under Rëonna's chin to make her look at him. "I will always protect you, I promise. Whether it is only in your dreams or here in the real world. You need not worry, as long as you have me, and I will always be here."

And Rëonna couldn't help but believe him. How could she not, he was her Atya after all. And Atya loved his children.

Chapter Text

"You can't distance yourself from your family forever," Rëonna heard her Ammë say softly.

It was the middle of the night, but like many nights since she had that strange dream, Rëonna saw the burning ships every time she closed her eyes.

She had not played with Tyelkormo's wooden ships since that dream and felt very guilty about it, which was another reason why she found it hard to sleep. She knew that he had spend so many hours carving those ships, and now she was to afraid to play with them.

She had actually been looking for Makalaurë because he usually sang to her before going to bed, but she had found him asleep at a table next to his harp. In front of him were piles of sheets of paper full of sketches for songs, so she had let him sleep.

That's why she had decided to look for her parents, but they seemed to be discussing something important.

"They're not my family." Atya sounded exhausted.

"Your father is, and so are your siblings, Náro." Ammë's voice sounded gentle. "Indis, I know you don't like her, but she is really nice and has a big heart."

"But she is not- "Her father's voice broke off and Rëonna realised with a shock that he seemed to be crying.

But Atya did not cry. Never. He was the one who held her when she cried, dried Carnistir's angry tears and didn't shed a tear even during Makalaurë's saddest song.

He had feelings, and he was not afraid to show them, but he did not cry.
Rëonna had often wondered if it was because he had already seen and experienced so much that something like a sad song could not make him sad.

Nerdanel sighed. "She is not Míriel, no, certainly not."

"I am sorry. "Fëanáro whispered and Rëonna heard the rustling of fabric and was certain that her parents hugged each other. "It is not your fault, I should not... I am sorry." He paused for a moment. "Nerdanel, all I need is you and the children."

"Oh Náro, we both know that is not true." And their father didn't answer.

"Didn't you want to meet with Mahtan?" He asked after a while.

"If you need me, I can stay." Nerdanel whispered so quietly that Rëonna barely heard. She moved closer to the door through which she overheard the conversation.

They were talking about family, perhaps about Uncle Nõlo? But who was this Míriel they were talking about? Was she a distant cousin? Rëonna had so many of them that she easily lost track. The only ones she could really remember so far were Findekáno and Írissë. Findekáno because he kept coming around to spend time with Maitimo. She had once followed them into the forest to ask if they wanted to play with her. Rëonna had found them at the small lake a little off the path and they had been quite startled when they had seen Rëonna there. They had both been without their shirts on and Rëonna had known that they had probably wanted to go swimming, but she had never understood why Findekáno's cheeks had been so red. Swimming in the lake was fun, Tyelko and she did it all the time.

She had met Írissë a little later. She was a bit older than Rëonna, but not by much, which was why she didn't came along alone like Findekáno. Rëonna also suspected that the presence of her Atya scared a lot of her cousins away. Even if she didn't get why, Atya was so kind!
The first time Rëonna had seen her was when Anairë had brought her along when she had visited Ammë. Írissë had played with Tyelkormo and Huan, but after a while she had wandered around on her own. Rëonna had really wanted to ask her if they wanted to go catching frogs together. A few weeks ago, Tyelko had shown her how to catch the little frogs down by the stream with her bare hands, and Rëonna had become really good. She felt a great need to show Írissë how good she was at it, but she hadn't dared to speak to her then.

She had really met Írissë when her grandfather Finwë organised a banquet and that had also been were she met her father's siblings for the first time. She didn't remember too much about that meeting, except that Uncle Arafinwë had had really nice hair and Atya had started a fight with Indis, who had similar hair, and that they had left early because of it.

But she had also met Írissë at that very banquet. Rëonna had danced in a corner after the banquet, to which not only family members had been invited but also people from outside, while the adults went to the large dance floor.

She had never danced before, as it sometimes distracted Makalaurë from playing music. Ammë always said he still had to learn that. Even if her brother was seemingly perfect, he was way to easily distracted from his work.

But she had seen how happy her parents looked, so she had swayed back and forth in a nearby corner until some children joined her. They were not from her family, for they had not been among those her mother had introduced her to. At first, Rëonna had assumed they wanted to play with her, but then they started making fun of her dance moves.

Rëonna, who until then had played little with other children apart from her brothers, had been more than surprised by this behaviour and had been too rigid to do anything.

And then she had suddenly appeared. She had been Rëonna's shining light of hope. Írissë.

She had asked the others if they even knew who they were talking to and had thrown out those who still didn't disappear ... not quite so nicely. She had never seen another woman using words like that. But to be fair, at that point the only other woman she had really known was her Ammë. And even if she seemed rough to outsiders, Rëonna knew her mother was a gentle soul.
Rëonna had had to promise not to tell Anairë anything and that evening Írissë had not left her side and had danced with her. Her hands had been in Írissë's warm once, while she had spun her around.

With a start, Rëonna heard a slight creak and knew that it must have come from the door handle being pushed down. She jumped back. She wasn't afraid of being discovered, but she didn't want the door to hit her on the nose under any circumstances.

Nerdanel stepped out of the door and said, glancing back, "Try to get some sleep, Fëanáro."

And then she disappeared into the corridor with a worried expression. She didn't seem to have seen Rëonna, but that didn't surprise her, after all, she should have been in bed by now.

When Ammë's footsteps fell silent in the distance, Rëonna finally wanted to go into the room to ask her Atya for cuddles, but stopped abruptly when she heard another soft sob coming from his direction.

She crept quietly to the still open door and looked in. Her father was sitting at a small table in the corner with his face buried in his hands. His shoulders were shaking.

"Atya?" she asked quietly. And although her voice was quiet, it cut through the silence like a knife.

Fëanor startled and stared at Rëonna, for a moment he looked as if he didn't know who he was looking at, his every muscle seemed tense.

Then, his eyes cleared a little and he quiet literally slumped down.
"Airafinwë?" he asked quietly.

"Yes." She swallowed and moved closer to him. She reached out a hand for his, which looked strangely pale in the moonlight streaming in through the window. "What is the matter?"

"Oh my little one," he sighed and looked down at her tiny hand on his large one. "Why are you still awake anyway?"

"Nightmare." Then she frowned. She remembered that her Ammë sometimes reprimanded him for distracting her from issues. That was exactly what he seemed to be doing now. "Atya, you didn't answer my question."

"No, my clever girl, I didn't." He sighed, ran a hand over his face and bent down to pick her up. His hands reached under her armpits and he sat her on his lap. "It is complicated."

"Who is Míriel?" Rëonna asked quietly and regretted it a moment later. She wanted to know, but right now it was more important to cheer her father up. Her name didn't seem to help.

Fëanáro sniffled. "That is even more complicated."

"Did she hurt you?" Rëonna asked and reached out a hand to wipe a few tears from her atya's face.

Fëanáro took her hand gently in his and pressed a light kiss on the inside. "I am sure some people would say that. But no, yeldë. Míriel is your grandmother."

"I thought Indis was my grandmother." She knew Findekáno called her grandmother, so she had assumed she was her grandmother too, after all, she was married to Finwë, her grandfather.

She saw her father's face take on a slightly sour expression for a moment before it disappeared again. So quickly that Rëonna thought she had only imagined it.

"Indis is not your grandmother," Fëanáro explained.

"But she is Findekáno's grandmother?"

"Exactly."

"And Írissë's?"

He nodded. "Yes, but yours is Míriel. She- she is far away, but a part of her is always with us." He stroked his daughter's hair gently. "She had your hair and Tyelkormo's eyes. Maitimo sometimes smiles like her when he is really happy about something. When he laughs at a joke, it is Nerdanel's laugh." He hugged Rëonna tighter against him and rested his cheek on her soft hair. "Part of her is always with me. With us."
And even though Rëonna wasn't sure she understood, she sank into the warmth of her father and was soon asleep.

Chapter Text

"What are you painting, Pityamíriel?" Grandfather Finwë's voice was soft as always, almost as if he were singing every word. She had always wondered how someone who was so gentle with his family could actually be such a good king, but politics had never been her forte anyways.

'Pityamíriel', was what he had called her for as long as she could remember, but it was only since her conversation with her father a few years ago that she had really realised why. She had figured out that there had to be something about her that resembled the real Míriel. She didn't know what exactly, because her father had never described what she looked like. There was no portrait in the whole of her grandfather's castle, no matter how many rooms, corridors and cellars she had looked in. It was almost as if he had wanted to forget that she had ever existed.

It seemed to hurt a lot, she could see it in her grandfather's eyes whenever he looked at her. His gaze was dreamy, almost as if he wasn't looking directly at her.

Rëonna would have loved to ask what about her was similar to her grandmother. Her eyes? Her face? But after many sleepless nights, she thought she knew part of the truth. Sometimes it really was an advantage to have so many brothers.

Makaläure had Atya's hair, as did Curufinwë and Carnistir. Maitimo had their mother's. But Tyelkormo and she had silver hair, reminiscent of the twinkling of the stars at night. Rëonna had never seen or heard of anyone in her mother's family with such hair.

It couldn't have come from Finwë himself either, because all his other children had his dark hair or Indis' bright blonde one.

So she had Míriel's hair. Lost in thought, her hand wandered to her hair, which reached her shoulders by now. Her grandmother's hair.

"Pityamíriel?" Finwë asked gently, nudging the tip of her nose affectionately.

"Sorry grandfather." A smile spread across her face. "I was a little lost in thought."

Her eyes travelled down to the canvas. She had only recently started painting. Everyone in her family had a certain craft, and after many years of learning sculpture alongside her mother, she knew enough about the anatomy of the body that she had decided to try painting portraits.

Her first two attempts were not very successful, but over time she got better and better. The brush was now like an extension of her arm and she swung it elegantly over the paper.

But she hadn't really wanted anyone to see this painting in front of her. One of the reasons why she had retreated to the far corner of their little family gathering.

They had all seemed very busy. Maitimo and Grandfather had been talking politics, Tyelkormo and Curufinwë had been arguing with Turukàno, who had come over to visit as well, and her Ammë had been talking to Indis, for she was expecting another child (Rëonna was very much hoping for a little sister).

Atya had gone outside with Carnistir some time ago because he had thrown a tantrum when Tyelkormo had started throwing grapes at him out of boredom.

Rëonna's fingers tightened around the brush. It wasn't that she didn't want anyone to see what she was painting, she actually liked to show people. But this time it felt different. As if she was painting it just for herself, which was completely stupid.

Because Írissë was smiling up at her from the canvas. She had captured her amazingly well, considering that she couldn't look at her directly. When she painted someone, she usually had to have the person right in front of her, because she hadn't been painting from her head long enough for that. But she had been able to paint Írissë. It was almost as if she had memorised every inch of their face.

Finwë tilted her head a little and Rëonna hoped, for the first time in her life, that she had painted so badly that he wouldn't recognise who it was supposed to be. She didn't understand why she gelt that way, there was nothing wrong with her painting a friend.

"Our Írissë, captured perfectly." Finwë said happily and kissed Rëonna on her silver hair. "So talented even though you're still so young. But I should have known that from the start, after all you are the daughter of Curufinwë."

Yes, she was the daughter of Fëanáro, and he was the son of Míriel. "Grandfather, can you tell me about Atya's Ammë?"

The smile faded from Finwë's face, but he didn't look angry. On the contrary, his eyes became dreamy and his legs seemed to weaken as he sank to the ground beside her.

Rëonna put the brush aside and turned to face him fully.

"She was gentle and kind, but in a different way to Indis. Míriel was like the light of the stars, Indis is dazzling like the light of the trees. Míriel- "Just saying her name seemed to cause him pain, but as he looked at Rëonna, a single tear ran down his cheek. "She looked almost like you, my dear. You have her hair, her eyes, her laugh and, from a certain angle, some of her nose. But it's not just in your looks that I see her in you, Pityamíriel, but also in your kindness and your love."

"Oh," was all Rëonna could think of to say, for even if she would have loved to say something more intelligent, it quiet literally left her speechless.

Finwë stared at her in silence for a while and then shook his head vigorously. "But do not listen to me. You are your own person."

He stretched out his arms to her and pulled her onto his lap, where he wrapped her in a gentle embrace.

Rëonna's mind wandered, because even though she couldn't see her grandfather's face, she knew he was crying. She had to distract him.

She thought about what to say until her gaze fell on her mother and the slight curve of her belly.

"What do you think I will get, a little sister or a little brother?"

Finwë laughed softly. "I think a brother, you were a miracle, I do not think anyone in all of Valinor thought it possible that Curufinwë would have a daughter."

"I would like a sister," she said, lost in thought.

"Curufinwë said that to me once too, long before he had siblings. I think after Írimë beat him for the tenth time in a sword fight, he wasn't so keen on the idea anymore." Finwë's voice sounded dreamy.

"Whatever it will be, I will take care of them like I've never taken care of anything before, I swear," Rëonna said resolutely. The tingling joy that she had been feeling ever since she knew her mother was pregnant again ran through her again.

"I am sure you will." Finwë whispered softly and let his cheek sink against Rëonna's hair.

Chapter Text

It was during a warm night that the twins were born.

It was on the same night that Rëonna dreamt of the burning ships again, but this time it was different.

Rëonna hadn't dreamt about them for several weeks and so the whole thing had slipped a little away from her. Between painting portraits, playing with her brothers, and the few times she had visited Uncle Nõlofinwë to see Írissë, she hadn't really had time to think more deeply about the nightmares that had been haunting her for years, and so hadn't really realised when they were becoming fewer and fewer. And it wasn't like she would miss them.
The excitement and joy of the imminent birth of another sibling had also distracted her.

"It should be soon," Maitimo had said when Rëonna had climbed onto his lap one morning and asked him. He knew most about this kind of thing, after all, as he was the eldest of them and had witnessed the birth of all their siblings.

But on the same night that her two new brothers were born, Rëonna was haunted by the dream again, but this time something was different. Her father was not in the dream, instead she seemed to be closer to the boats themselves. She could feel the heat of the flames on her skin, her eyes burning dry from the smoke.

Even when she thought back to it later, Rëonna felt cold shivers as it had felt like she had actually been there.

But that hadn't been the worst of it. Not by a long shot.

For as she continued to approach the ships, her feet seeming to carry her there of their own accord, a terrible cry of pain cut through the silence that was otherwise only filled with the crackling of flames and the sound of her blood in her ears.

She did not know the voice, nor could she tell from which direction the scream came, but a feeling of despair spread through her as if of its own accord and seemed to permeate every fibre of her body. And she SCREAMED.

She was still screaming when she woke up, and it took less than a minute for her bedroom door to swing open and for Makalaurë to come rushing in, closely followed by Maitimo, Tyelkormo and Huan.

Makalaurë looked around the room, obviously searching for a potential threat, Tyelkormo did the same, he had even thought to bring a sword. Rëonna recognised it as the one Curufinwë had made him some days ago.

Rëonna wanted to tell them that everything was all right, that it had just been a nightmare and nothing more, but she couldn't get a word out. An icy chill ran through her whole body and the scream still echoed in her ears.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Maitimo coming towards her and a moment later she felt him take her in his arms and rock her back and forth.

"It is all right," he whispered softly. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Rëonna only managed to nod weakly and pressed herself more firmly against her brother's chest.

"Everything is all right. I have nightmares from time to time too, but don't worry." One of his hands gently stroked her back.

The bed rocked a little as Makalaurë settled down next to the two of them. He hummed a soft tune and leaned against Maitimo's side.

"No danger to be discovered." Tyelko said and leaned his sword against the wall before he and Huan joined his siblings on the bed.

For a while, Rëonna just lay there, trying to get her breathing under control, but even though the warmth of her family was soothing, she couldn't find sleep yet again. Instead, she said, "I am sorry I woke you."

"You didn't. "Makalaurë said and stretched. "At least not me and Tyelko. We were awake playing a game of cards anyway."

"Me neither." said Maitimo. "Ammë is giving birth right now. Atya is with her and they have asked me to make sure you are healthy and well."

Rëonna nodded weakly again. Her joy at not having robbed her brothers of their sleep prevailed for a moment before she realised what Maitimo had just said.

All at once she was wide awake. She jerked up and her head collided with Maitimo's chin. Tyelkormo laughed. "Ammë is giving birth? Now?"

"Yes." Maitimo confirmed and rubbed his chin. "It happened all of a sudden."

"Why do you look so... different?" Rëonna asked, because when she looked at Maintimo closely for the first time that night, he seemed somehow... different.

His robe was new, no doubt the embroidery was from Carnistir. His usually wild hair was sleek and braided into a single plait.

Her brother blushed. "Oh, I wanted to try something new. Nothing more."

Rëonna saw Makalaurë raise a brow, but he commented nothing on the matter.

"Ammë should be back soon," Maitimo said now, and Rëonna wasn't sure if he was trying to change the subject or not. "Atya already brought her to the healers four hours ago, it did not take long for any of us to see the light of life, so we should hear from her soon."

"Do you think she is all right?" Rëonna asked, sinking back against her brother.

"She's done it often enough, it can't be that hard," grumbled Tyelko, who took up by far the most space on the bed.

"Do not be so insensitive, Tyelkormo." Maitimo reprimanded him at the same moment that Makalaurë took one of Rëonna's pillows and threw it in Tyelko's face. "You try and give birth to a child and we talk again."

Makalaurë placed a gentle hand on Rëonna's head. "Don't worry, I am sure she will be fine."

~•~

And Makalaurë was right.

It was another two and a half hours before they heard the sound of the front door. Tyelkormo and Huan practically jumped up together and Rëonna couldn't help but giggle softly. Carnistir had said angrily the other day that the two of them were two idiots with the same mind, to which Rëonna had told him that was an insult to Huan. But seeing them acting at the same time was still funny to her.

Makalaurë strolled leisurely behind the two, followed by Maitimo, who carried Rëonna in his arms.

But they were all disappointed when they only saw Atya at the door. Or, Rëonna was disappointed, since Maitimo didn't look surprised at all.
Fëanáro sighed exhaustedly and let his eyes wander over his children. "You should all be in bed by now." But he smiled as he said it.

"Where is Ammë?" Rëonna asked, worry spreading through her. "And the baby?"

"The babies, to be exact." Fëanáro said with a smile. "Twins. Both with a small shock of red hair. They are all still with the healer and will stay there until tomorrow evening. I just wanted to see if all is well here." He nodded to Maitimo.

"Everything is fine." Maitimo said and grinned. "We were just worried."

Fëanáro smiled. "I can understand that, better than you might think." He approached him and Rëonna, kissing her forehead and then Maitimo's. "But everyone try to get some sleep."

"Atya? "Rëonna asked, yawning.

"Yes, Airafinwë?"

"What are twins?"

Maitimo stiffled a laught against the back of her head.

"Twins means that your Ammë had two children at the same time," Fëanor explained gently.

"At the same time?"

"Well, one right after the other, at least." he laughted gently. "So you have two little brothers. No sister, I am sorry, but I do not think anyone really expected that."

Rëonna nodded. "Can I teach them both how to paint?"

"Of course, that would be nice Airafinwë." Fëanáro yawned. "But now I have to get back, I do not want to leave Nerdanel alone for too long. Are you going to be all right?"

Maitimo nodded. "I have everything under control Atya."

"Thank you, Nelyafinwë, you make me prouder everyday. What would we do without you?" He turned towards the door, but then stopped again and turned back to them. "And please tell Kanafinwë he can take some responsibility too, I know he likes to shirk it, but you shouldn't have to do everything on your own. Love you all."

"We love you too!" Rëonna called after him as he left the house.

She let herself sink more firmly against Maitimo again. Now that her Atya was gone and she knew that Ammë was fine, she felt the exhaustion overtake her. She yawned loudly.

"Come on, let us get you back to bed," laughed Maitimo.

"Can you read to me? Just a short story?" she asked, snuggling closer to him.

"Sure, of course. What story do you want to hear?" he said as he carried her back to her room.

Chapter Text

"I really don't understand why some people make such a fuss about those," Carnistir grumbled, poking one of the twins' noses rather roughly with his finger. The two were lying next to each other on a picnic blanket. Rëonna had thought it would be a nice idea for the four of them to enjoy the warmth of the afternoon together. "They drool, scream and have to be carried around. Nothing I would consider special."

"We were all like that once, were we not?"giggled Rëonna, leaning over her little brothers. Ambarto and Ambarussa. Ammë had told her that she had wanted to give them the same Amilessë, but Atya had changed her mind. Rëonna was glad about that, because she already found it difficult to tell them apart. She could have sworn that one of them had slightly darker hair than the other, but she wasn't entirely sure.

"Not you," said Carnistir, grimacing as Ambarussa grabbed a strand of his thick black hair and pulled on it. ‘At least you did not cry. You had to be carried around, too though.’

Rëonna raised her eyebrows. “Ammë said I cried a lot.”

“Yes, but not when I was holding you. You never cried when I was holding you.” Carnistir’s cheeks turned a darker shade of red and he tried to pull his hair out of Ambarussa’s small fist. He was surprisingly strong and kept a hold on it.

Rëonna reached over to help him. "You're just pulling your own hair out, Carnistir!" She scolded him and untangled his hair from the twin's hand. "And well, I guess you were just my favourite brother—hey, what is going on?"

When she looked at him again, tears had formed in his eyes. Carnistir never cried. Well, that wasn't entirely true; in fact, he cried as much as any elfling, but he never did it outside. Only in his room, and he only allowed Maitimo, Rëonna and their parents to see him like that. Never Curufinwë or Tyelkormo.

"Do you think I'm of any use?" he asked, his face turning even redder as he tried not to let the tears escape. His breathing quickened.

Rëonna frowned. Of course, it was nothing new to her that Carnistir, unlike her other brothers, had to work hard to learn his craft and other things. Politics came naturally to Maitimo, and Tyelko was born to hunt, but Carnistir had taken his time to find and learn something that gave him pleasure.

"But you are really great at embroidery. And knitting and crocheting, too!" She leaned forward slightly to get a better look at his face. She herself didn't really have a craft. Sure, she could paint, but she was also interested in writing poems, enjoyed singing with Makaläure and dancing. And now it occurred to her that maybe that was wrong. Should she focus on one thing too? She did consider painting her craft for some time, but then found that there were so many more things she could learn.

"Yes, maybe..."

"Not maybe," she interrupted him. "You ARE good at it."

The corners of his mouth twitched slightly upwards. "Thanks, but that's not why I'm asking. It's..." He looked down at Ambarussa and Ambarto. "It is complicated."

Rëonna followed his gaze. "Does it have something to do with the twins?"
“Indirectly,” he whispered, flinching slightly when Ambarussa reached for his finger. He was already much more active than his twin. Ambarto was quieter and cried less. Rëonna suspected he would later become the more shy one of the two.
She was already attached to him. Tyelkormo usually “kidnapped” Ambarussa, because he thought he was active enough for hunting. Of course, he didn't really take him hunting, but just played with him and Huan at the edge of the forest.

Ambarto was more like Carnistir and Rëonna. Outwardly, no one would expect it of him, since he was a child of Fëanor, but he was shy and timid.

"I just wish I were more able to help, you know? I am not good at emotions." Carnistir looked down at the twins, but his gaze was empty and unfocused. "I am not bad at what I do, but I'm not the best like the others. I am not able to help around the house because everything is so incredibly difficult for me."

Rëonna was glad that Carnistir spoke so openly with her; he rarely did so with other people.
"I think you are the best!" She lay down next to Ambarto so she could see Carnistir face better. Unlike others, she didn't find her brother's face ugly. She too had inherited her mother's abundant freckles, and it was the one thing she and her beloved brother had in common. And she liked that very much. She sometimes wished Carnistir was her twin.

"No, I am not," he said, more sharply than usual, and flinched as if he hadn't expected himself to say that. "You're only saying that because you are my sister."

"Atya always says that nothing really matters except family." She searched her brother's face for a reaction, anything, but his face was hard as stone.

Then he looked away. "You are probably right." He finally said, but there was no emotion in his voice.

~•~

At some point, Rëonna had fallen asleep on the picnic blanket. The warmth of Ambarto against her chest had gently lulled her to sleep.

But her sleep did not remain peaceful for long.

She felt the heat of the fire on her skin again, but this time the fire was closer. Smoke stung her eyes and filled her lungs until she could hardly breathe. Unlike in her other dreams, she was now running and her Atya was nowhere to be seen. Her feet hurt, as they always did when she spent hours running with Tyelkormo around the forest.
For some reason, she seemed to be running straight towards the flames, but she couldn't stop. And she didn't want to. There was something in those flames. Something she wanted to reach.

The heat became almost unbearable, her skin was almost literally glowing. And even though she could hardly see anything through the smoke, she realised that someone was lying on one of the burning ships. The figure was not on fire, but the flames were approaching at an alarming speed. And that that person was what she was trying to reach. She just knew it.
The smoke in Rëonna's lungs forced her to her knees, coughing, and everything blurred before her eyes. The last thing she heard was a blood-curdling scream, then everything fell silent.

The first thing she saw when she woke up was Ambarto's peaceful sleeping face.

Then she saw Carnistir, his cheeks a little red, and he seemed to be playing with little Ambarussa until he noticed Rëonna's gaze, blushed even more and muttered something about babies being totally boring.

"Is something wrong?" He asked when he noticed the worry lines on his sister's forehead.

Rëonna picked up Ambrato and sank down beside Carnistir and leaned into his side before saying, "No, everything is fine."

Because it was. Everything was fine. There were no ships on fire here, no smoke that took her breath away. Her Atya loved them all and would never hurt them. He said them and their mother were all he ever needed, and Rëonna knew that was true. As long as they were all together, nothing bad could happen to them.

Chapter Text

The twins grew very quickly and soon both were able to walk. Rëonna somehow liked not being the youngest in the family anymore; she was already getting too much attention for being Fëanáros' only daughter.

A few weeks after the twins learned to walk, Makaläure was named one of the greatest musicians of all the Noldor, and Rëonna was very happy for her brother. It was only a few weeks later, when she, Makaläure and Maitimo visited their grandfather Mahtan for a few weeks, that she noticed that Makaläure seemed somehow dissatisfied with himself.
He was always staring into the distance, throwing away song lyrics that Rëonna fished out of the rubbish because they weren't bad at all, and once he even threw his lute across the room in frustration.

It was not unusual for someone from the House of Fëanáros to be a little hot-headed. In fact, as Rëonna had recently discovered, they were even said to be a little short-tempered. But Makaläure had always been the calmest of them all. If he got upset, it was only once every ten years. But the fact that it happened several times in just a few days worried Rëonna greatly.

She had wanted to talk to Maitimo about it one evening, but he had sneaked out in the middle of the night, and even though she would have loved to follow him, she didn't and waited until he was back.

"Hey, Nelyo!" she said loudly into the darkness as Maitimo climbed through his bedroom window. He cursed softly and lit a candle.

"Airafinwë! Why are you still awake and what are you doing in here?" He didn't sound angry. His voice had more of a shrill tone to it and he nervously looked around as if he was afraid more people sat here. When he realized it was only his sister he relaxed slightly.

He looked kind of funny. His tunic was buttoned wrong at the front and his hair was tousled. Rëonna tilted her head. "Did you fight with someone?"

Maitimo turned bright red, so that his skin soon had the same colour as his hair. "Y-yes, you could say that." He cleared his throat. "Yes I- I got into a fight."

He rubbed his face and reached for a brush lying on his dresser to untangle his hair. "So, why are you scaring me in the middle of the night?" His voice sounded calmer now.

“Makaläure is sad.” She looked down at her hands. Maitimo sank down beside her and gently put his arm around her. “He’s different than usual. He- he’s thrown his lute! Kano loves his lute!”

Maitimo nodded. “You’re right, that IS unusual.”

And although he sounded so calm, Rëonna knew that he wasn't. As she sat pressed against his side, she could feel that his heartbeat had quickened. He was also concerned, had probably noticed it even earlier than she had, but he didn't want to alarm her further.

"Nelyo, what do you think happened? He was always so carefree!"Rëonna looked at her brother somewhat impatiently. He had to know something. Maitimo was most attentive when it came to his seven siblings. Besides, Rëonna was almost certain that he and Makaläure had a deeper bond with each other than either of them had with Atya.

However, Maitimo suddenly looked so sad. He leaned back and rubbed his eyes.
When he noticed Rëonna's confused look, he shook his head. "Don't worry."

But Rëonna knew that Maitimo was worried.

Now that Rëonna thought about it, she had never seen Makaläure cry. All of her siblings had cried in front of her before. Even Maitimo, after an argument with Atya, because he didn't want him to meet up with, and this is a quote, ‘Nõlofinwë's spawn.’

"We should go to bed," Maitimo yawned.

But Rëonna wasn't finished yet. Her brother was acting strangely. "Where have you been?"

But Maitimo just lay down and turned his back to her. He smiled gently as he said, "I was looking for something very special."

Just as Rëonna was about to ask if he had found it, Maitimo had already fallen asleep, a content smile on his face.

Rëonna, who had neither the motivation nor the desire to go back to her own room, snuggled up against her brother's back and soon fell asleep too.

Chapter Text

Rëonna had decided to find out more about Míriel. She wanted to know if she was really as similar to her as Finwë had said. If that would tell her something about herself.

Her grandfather was becoming increasingly distant towards her, and when he spoke to her, he was dreamy and absent, as if he were not quite there. And secretly, Rëonna feared that her own father might become the same way when he realised how similar she was to his mother. If Feanáro realized she was like the mother who left him alone then maybe he would hate her. Everyone who dared talk about Míriel said that he must hate her for leaving him and Rëonna did not want her father to hate her. She never wantes to loose his love and care.

In recent weeks, she had noticed how unlike her own mother she was. Nerdanel and Rëonna both had freckles, but Nerdanel's were spread all over her body, on her hand, arms, her face, her legs, everywhere, while Rëonna's were only on her cheeks. Apart from that, she seemed to have inherited nothing from her mother. Not her smile, her eyes, her talent for sculpting, nothing.
And sometimes Rëonna grieved not being more like her mother. There was lots of negative talk towards Nerdanel, but she never seemed to care about it. She stood over it, showing she was nothing like those rumors. She had a warm personality and it was impossible not to feel loved by her.

Maitimo took after her mother a great deal, as Rëonna noticed over the next few days. His hair, his freckles, he was as sweet and kind as she was. Also as loving and caring.

The only one of her brothers who resembled Rëonna so much that people thought they were siblings and not just relatives was Tyelkormo. But he didn't seem to care as much about the origin of their hair colour as Rëonna had hoped.

"Well, we'll never get to know her," he had said as he drew his bow. Rëonna had followed him and Huan into the forest that day. A short distance away from them stood a cloth target with a red dot in the centre. Tyelkormo stuck his tongue between his teeth as he aimed. "I prefer to live in the here and now. In the time that actually counts."

Her other siblings also seemed rather closed off on the whole subject. Either they had no opinion, they didn't care, or they refused to share it. Of course, that made sense, Rëonna thought. Even though Míriel was their grandmother, none of them had ever met her, and her fate was hushed up everywhere. Ultimately, she was only interested in her because she was supposedly so similar to her.

After all, a lot of her siblings, especially Maitimo, also had a good relationship towards Indis, much to their fathers disaprovement.

Indis herself seemed so different from all Rëonna had heard about Míriel. Sometimes she asked herself how Finwë fell in love with a woman so different from his first wife, but they seemed happy, so she didn't really care.

And even though Finwë kept saying she was as kind-hearted and gentle as Míriel, while absentmindedly patting her hand, Rëonna didn't feel that way. She increasingly felt that it was her fate to become like Míriel while not actually being like her.

But time passed, and soon Rëonna had found out everything she could from Finwë and the few records about her grandmother, and she could say with some certainty that it hadn't gotten her very far. It was as if her grandmother had been a mistake that her people had tried to forget, even in literature. Like something to be ashamed of. And Rëonna looks were a reminder of that something.

One cool evening, she was lying outside in the grass next to the house when she heard footsteps. She had been brooding a lot over the last few days and had come to no conclusion.
Atya had tried to get her to talk to him, but this was something she would not tell him. The first thing ever she did not talk to him about. But she couldn't. Not if it meant risking his love.
She was so much in thoughts that Tyelkormo send Huan to snuggle with her at nights so she would sleep better.

She had believed that if she had solid proof that Míriel was different from her, it would reassure her, but she had found almost nothing.

Rëonna looked up and saw Makaläure's large blue eyes staring at her with interest. His eyes reminded her of a lake, eternally deep and utterly unfathomable, like almost everything about her brother. He sank down beside her in the grass and gazed into the distance.

"You're sad." His voice sounded different, not as clear as usual. It broke in the middle. "Airafinwë... I don't know what you're trying to do, but try to stay true to yourself."

Rëonna stared at him for a while before saying, "That's not easy."

"Nothing's ever easy." Makaläure smiled and raised an eyebrow. "But there are many ways to take the wrong path. And I don't want you to repead my mista... to do that. You've become quieter in the last few days and I have started to worry."

Rëonna sighed, that was true. She had been so focused on finding out who Míriel was that she hadn't managed to behave as she usually did. "I..."

"Just promise me one thing, okay? No matter what obstacles are put in your way, you won't let them stop you. Obstacles aren't big, you can see the light in the distance and just jump over them once you reached a conclusion. And you will always find one, I know you will." Makaläure leaned back until he was lying next to her. From so close, she could see the dark circles under his eyes. Was her brother sleeping poorly? She had never noticed this before. But now that she looked closely, he seemed exhausted and a little thinner than usual. His cheeks were almost sunken.

"Makaläure, why... why are you telling me all this?" She turned to him and stroked his hair, just as her mother did for her when she was feeling down.

Makaläure looked at her with a sad smile before sighing and putting on a more confident expression. "I just want my only sister to be okay."

That night, she thought about this conversation for a long time and realised that Makaläure really didn't seem to sleep much, because when she crept out of bed in the middle of the night and tiptoed barefoot down to his door, she could clearly hear the sound of his harp. He was still practising, even so late at night.

She considered knocking and talking him into going to sleep, but something told her it wasn't that simple.

Sighing, she sat down next to his door and listened to the muffled sound of his harp through the door. Every now and then she could hear an exhausted sigh, which made her heart ache.

"Airafinwë?"

She spun around and managed to suppress a startled gasp. Carnistir was standing behind her and didn't look like he had slept a wink either.

"I... I was just about to leave," she said and started to get up when he stopped her and sat down next to her. "Don't worry... I'm here often. Makaläure is... Makaläure is overworking himself. I don't know how to help him, so I listen to his music. And if it ever gets too dark or sad, then... then I hope I'll finally be able to talk to him."

That was one of the reasons why Rëonna loved Carnistir so much. He never showed it outwardly, but he was very empathetic. Yet no one really recognised that. Others described him as cold and angry. And both were sometimes true, but not always. And those statements were also incorrect when it came to his inner nature.

Rëonna let her head sink onto his shoulder. "Morifinwë? Do you think he'll be like he used to be?"

Carnistir chewed on his lower lip. "Why not? I think the fact that he's now officially one of the best musicians is stressing him out. Because from here on, it's just pointless. There's not really anywhere else to go. Maybe he's wondering why he's doing all this. I sometimes do when I don't see any particular progress in my work. It's hard to accept that sometimes you're worse than the day before or that you don't improve over a longer period of time."

Rëonna nodded and closed her eyes. "You should talk like that more often in front of others, Moryo."

"Shut up," he snapped quietly, but he smiled as he did so.

Chapter Text

"You'd better hold on tight, or I'll let go!" Tyelkormo shouted behind him.

He had picked up Rëonna piggyback and simply started running. She clung to his shoulders so as not to fall off. Huan ran next to them and was quiet enjoying himself.
"Where are we going, Tyelko?"

He just grinned and jumped over a tree trunk that was in their way. Rëonna jumped up slightly on his back and almost flew over his head, but he held her tight at the last moment and kept running. "Close your eyes, Airafinwë, it's a surprise."

Rëonna grimaced. A surprise? From Tyelkormo? That couldn't be anything good, she knew that. Once he had put a huge beetle in her bed and told her he had brought her something great from the forest. In short, Rëonna could do without Tyelkormo's surprises if she was honest. If he weren't carrying her she would probably try to outrun him. But even that was not an easy thing to do. Her brother ran around in the woods all day. He knew how to run.

"Come on, close your eyes!" he said impatiently, jumping from one leg to the other, causing her to bounce back and forth on his back. She grabbed his clothes firmer.

Rëonna pressed her lips together and looked at him unpleased.

Tyelkormo giggled and shook his head vigorously, causing some of his silver strands to fall out of his braid. "It's nothing bad, I promise."

"You ALWAYS say that," she replied. "How do I know you're telling the truth?" she replied.

Tyelkormo sighed. "Come on, Rëonna! Don't be all boring! Just close your damn eyes!"

"Ammë says you are not supposed to swear."

Tyelkormo ignored that.

She sighed and closed her eyes, knowing that she would probably regret it soon.

She felt Tyelkormo continue moving, and now that her eyes were closed and she was more vulnerable, he actually walked a little more carefully than before.

Rëonna almost believed she had misjudged him, but then he let go of her. She let out a stifled scream and tried to cling to his shoulders, but the soft material of his top slipped through her fingers and she fell backwards into the water. Coldness enveloped her and she briefly panicked, trying to breathe, which she regretted instantly. She swallowed water and choked. Then someone grabbed her around the waist and pulled her up.

Gasping for breath, Rëonna came to the surface, coughed up a gush of water and wiped wet strands of hair from her face.

Behind her, laughing and smiling gently, sat Írissë. She was also in the water and was the one who had pulled Rëonna up. "Are you okay?" she asked, giggling softly.

"I-I think so," Rëonna gasped and coughed again.

"Hey Tyelko!" Írissë called out to him and splashed a large wave of water in his face. "We told you not to throw her!"

Tyelkormo shrugged. "I couldn't help myself." Then he jumped headfirst into the water and a large wave came towards Rëonna, which Írissë intercepted by swimming in front of her.

Besides the two of them, there were a few others there. Maitimo and Findekáno sat together at the edge, only their feet in the water. Findekáno laughed as he cradled little Arakáno in his arms, the newest child of the house of Nõlofinwë. Maitimo sat next to him and braided flowers into his hair.

Curufin, who had clearly been persuaded by Tyelkormo to come along, sat a little apart in the shade of a tree, scribbling intently in his sketchbook. Probably a drawing for forging. Atya had taken him to the forge a few weeks ago, and since then he had practically never left.

"Turukàno and Makaläure didn't want to come. My brother is an idiot," Írissë explained affectionately, "and Makaläure wanted to continue working on a musical piece." She shrugged and put her arm around Rëonna, who unconsciously leaned against Írissë.

Tyelkormo swam past them on his back and grinned at Rëonna. "So, nésa, what's been bothering you so much these last few days that you're barely responsive?" He winked.

Írissë raised her eyebrow and pushed Tyelkormo underwater. "She's here to feel better, not to be teased by you. How insensitive you are, Tyelko!"

At the sight of her brother resurfacing soaking wet and having to wipe a curtain of silver hair from his face, Rëonna burst out laughing.

Tyelkormo looked playfully grim. "Yeah, just have fun at my expense, sure." Then he smiled.

~•~

Rëonna had taken off her socks and shoes and, like the others, placed them at the edge of the pool.
The air was warm and filled with the laughter of her siblings and cousins.

Írissë challenged her to a swimming race, and when Rëonna beat her, she pulled her ashore so they could race each other on even ground. This time, Írissë was in the lead until Tyelkormo decided to join in and easily overtook them both, as he was older and therefore considerably taller.
Afterwards, Írissë and Rëonna found a large, twisted shell at the edge of the river and, after looking at it for a few minutes and admiring their reflections in it, Írissë suggested a game.

"I'll throw this shell into the lake, and whoever finds it at the bottom first wins." And then, before Rëonna could even agree, Írissë had thrown the shell and jumped in after it with a loud splash.

"Írissë!" Rëonna laughed loudly. "That's not fair!" Then she jumped in after her.

And although Rëonna was a good swimmer, she had never really tried diving, especially not so deep. Írissë, on the other hand, spent most of her time outdoors, so it was hardly a problem for her.

Írissë's dress fluttered around her, her brown hair a silky veil behind her head. The soles of her bare feet reflected the light shining down from the surface of the water. It was like nothing she had ever seen before. She found that even the Valar could only barely scratch on how angelic Írissë looked.

She has never thought about this before. To her it was just a given fact that Írissë was pretty and glowing.

Rëonna almost inhaled, but stopped herself at the last moment and looked past Írissë to the bottom of the lake, where the shell lay.
She thought she wouldn't make it, but then Írissë suddenly floated up until she was next to Rëonna. She gently took her hand as she swam down with her. Írissë placed Rëonna's hand on the shell and closed her fingers around it. Rëonna's heart beat faster, almost as if it wanted to jump out of her chest. Írissë couldn't stand to lose. And yet she had let her win. No, not let her win, she had given her the victory.

Rëonna hardly noticed how they swam back to the surface. Írissë's hand was gently closed around her wrist. The cold water caressed her skin and clothes, but Rëonna didn't really notice that they were moving, her gaze fixed on Írissë, who looked like she was glowing.

Then Rëonna surfaced just a few seconds after her and immediately found herself right in front of Írissë. Her brown eyes sparkled like the diamonds in Atya's forge.
She was captivated by this sight for a few seconds, then a wave of cold water suddenly washed over her.

Tyelkormo laughed and Írissë picked up the shell from Rëonna's hand to throw it at his head. The shell bounced off and sank back into the water. The two looked at each other and then both jumped back into the water to retrieve it.

~•~

A little later that day, Carnistir came to them. His face was twisted into an annoyed expression and he was carrying a basket.
Rëonna and Írissë were lying in the grass next to the lake, laughing at a joke Findekáno had made when they saw him coming.

"Morifinwë!" Rëonna called cheerfully, jumping up and running towards him. When she tried to hug him, he dodged her with a disapproving look.

"You're all wet!" He said, slipping past her to place the basket down with Írissë, Findekáno and Maitimo.

The basket, as it turned out, was full of fruit. "Ammë thought you might be hungry, so she send me." he explained and looked like he wanted to add an "unfortunally". Then he was about to leave again, but Maitimo grabbed his sleeve. "Stay a little longer. I know you prefer to be alone, but a little time with the family now and then can't hurt. You might regret it one day, when we are all grown up and have moved out."

Sighing, Carnistir sat down next to Maitimo. When Tyelkormo, who had just been in the water, made a move to sit down next to him, Carnistir sat down between Írissë and Rëonna instead.

Tyelkormo looked disappointed. Only then did Rëonna notice the frog in his hand, which he had undoubtedly intended to drop into Carnistir's shirt. Disappointed, he put the frog back into the water and reached for the fruit basket.

Rëonna, meanwhile, eyed Carnistir. For some reason, she was disappointed that he had sat down between her and Írissë. She couldn't really explain why to herself.

Maitimo carefully cut the fruit into small pieces and distributed it fairly, while Tyelkormo kept trying to steal pieces that weren't meant for him. They all munched away. At some point, Írissë picked a piece of apple out of Rëonna's hair. Findekáno, still holding Arakáno, had leaned back against Maitimo, who had his arm around him, and even Curufin had put his sketchbook aside to sit with them.

"I think," Tyelkormo munched and leaned much too close to Curufin, who merely raised his eyebrows. "You work too much. I hardly see you anymore."

"He is not wrong," said Maitimo, raising a hand. Rëonna thought it almost looked as if he wanted to stroke Findekáno's hair, but he abruptly withdrew his hand and looked as if he were shocked at himself.

Curufin sighed and stared down at the half-peeled orange in his lap, which he had picked from one of the trees nearby. "But... but I really enjoy working with Atya."

Maitimo nodded. "I understand... but Curufin... you're still so young. Do not grow up faster than you have to." Rëonna thought she saw remorse in her eldest brother's eyes. There was something dark in the expression on his face. "Be free while you can."

"You sound as if Atya is forcing me, but I enjoy being there." Curufin said defensively, continuing to peel his orange, this time as energetically as if the orange had personally offended him.

"Since you've been spending all your time with Atya, you have become much more impulsive," said Carnistir, who hadn't taken anything to eat yet, even though Rëonna had been trying to push slices of fruit towards him the whole time. He didn't look at Curufin when he said this.

"What?" Curufin stared at him angrily. But then he calmed down a little. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

Carnistir's cheeks were red. He would have said more if it were anyone else, but Curufin and Tyelkormo had the unpleasant habit of becoming mean to Carnistir when he got too angry or upset. That was something Rëonna didn't like at all.
They were a family, after all. So why did Curufin and Tyelkormo choose to be mean to their own brother instead of being there for him?

"Well, now he is not saying anything anymore." Tyelkormo stretched his arms while grinning. "And his cheeks are red again. What's the matter, Carnistir, did it..."

"Leave it, Tyelko," said Maitimo at the same moment that Rëonna shouted, "Be quiet!", shocked by her own choice of words, and Írissë said, "Not now, Tyelko, stop being so insensitive." and Findekáno stretched out his hands soothingly.

Tyelkormo sighed, glared at Carnistir, and then turned back to Curufin. "So..."

"I think I will go back," Carnistir murmured quietly, and Rëonna thought she heard something sad in his voice.

"Oh, you know how they are sometimes! Stay a little longer!" She argued, but Carnistir had already gotten up and was trudging in the direction he had come from earlier.

Rëonna sighed and put her fruit aside. Her stomach felt queasy.

"Hey." Írissë moved closer to her. "Everything is okay."

Rëonna didn't quite understand what she meant. "What...?"

"Well, you're worried about Carnistir, aren't you? I think he will be okay. Talk to him again tonight." Írissë put her hand on Rëonna's arm. "I know you'd like to take on other people's problems, especially your brother's, but try to think more about yourself from time to time."

Rëonna wanted to say that she was indeed thinking of herself ofteb. After all, she had wanted to find out everything about Míriel in the selfish hope that her father would never look down on her. But the way Írissë said it made her throat tighten.

She gently pulled Rëonna into her arms and sighed. "Well then, I guess I will have to take care of you, won't I?"

Chapter Text

Rëonna looked up to the statue her mother was carving. It was going to be a statue of herself, but she hated what she saw. Not that her Ammë's skill wasn't impressive. It was something else.

"Why do you look so sad today?" Carnistir asked, while he braided his sisters silver hair softly, his fingers gliding carefully through the strands like Maglors did when he was playing the harp.

Rëonna nodded up to the statue. "I hate it." Nerdanel was gladly far away enough so she didn't hear them talk and also way to occupied in her work. Their Ammë and Atya had that in common, Rëonna noticed. Always working, forgetting everything around them.

"Why?" Carnistir asked, not riddiculing her but actually asking, like he wanted to know why she felt that way. "She is the best in her craft. No one could do it better."

She tried to find the words, but they just wouldn't form the way she wished. Like something was blocking her from saying it out loud, almost like she was ashamed to say it. But she wasn't, so that made no sense at all. She looked up into her face of stone, that looked almost exactly like her own. Her slightly curved nose, her still soft jaw... had Míriel looked like that two when she had been young? When she had hopes and dreams? Before she had left for the halls of Mandos.

"I don't like the way it looks." She said and looked down.

Carnistir stopped braiding and slung his arms around his sister to lay his chin on her shoulder. "But you aren't ugly."

Rëonna smiled. Of course Carnistir would look right through her and notice that she wasn't talking about the way Ammë made the statue. He was very perceptive.

But before she could answer something, Carnistir mumbled:"If anything I am." His voice was soft, and if his head wouldn't have rested on her shoulder she was sure she would have missed it.

And if Rëonna was honest to herself she didn't know what to answer. She only had talked with half her mind, not thinking what she said could have consequences other than telling Carnistir of her insecurities.

Carnistir stayed cuddled up to her, while Rëonna searched for words. She could tell him that he wasn't, in fact, ugly, but for Carnistir that wasn't enough. Even if it was the truth. He was a boy of few words, but he wasn't stupid. Many assumed he was simple minded, though they never said so out loud, simply because he lived on silence and anger. Because his silence was different from Curufin's. Curufin's was 'mysterious', at least thats what some of the elflings her age said. He seemed to think and ponder, while Carnistir looked like he could explode in anger any second. But that was the thing with Carnistir. The changes in his expression were small, almost not noticeable if one didn't know him well. And almost no one did. Even some of her brothers did not.

"Don't answer." Carnistir mumbled, as he continued braiding her hair. He didn't sound disappointed.

Rëonna stared at the statue for a bit before asking, voice quiet:"Why not?"

He shrugged. "You don't know how. So don't. Why waste breath with empty words."

She was silent again.

"You do that often enough. Waste your breath, I mean." Carnistir said. If he had been a stranger, Rëonna would have thought him rude. But she could here a small hint of fondness in her brothers voice.

"Do I now?" She had to smile because she realized that she did.

Rëonna always talked a lot, at least to her family, never knowing when it was enough. Her Atya loved to hear her talk. Her Ammë did too. Carnistir was not only her favorite brother but her best friend, and he was silent often, so she had to fill the space in between. Maybe it was because no one, except for Tyelkormo, had ever really complained about her talking much, but she only now had realised that she did.

"Its not a bad quality... to talk I mean. I overheard Maitimo saying that talking could be a great tool if used right."

A tool?

Rëonna let his words sink in, not sure if she liked what she heard or not. Would she liked to have her words be a tool?

"What are you two whispering about?" Nerdanel had decided to take a break. She looked exhausted, but the happy kind of exhausted. She sat down behind Carnistir and started braiding his hair, like he was braiding Rëonna's.

"Ammë... Tyelko will laugh again. Don't braid it like women hair again." Carnistir grumbled but made no move to pull away.

"Don't listen to Tyelko, all he has in his head are the woods and hunting."

Nerdanel laughed at Rëonnas words. "She is right, yonya. And I will make Tyelko sleep in the forest should he make fun of you today."

Rëonna couldn't see him, but she knew Carnistir was frowning.

She looked up at the statue again. She imagined if Carnistir was the one looking like Míriel. If Carnistir was one of a kind, did that mean that maybe she was too? That what divided Curufin's and Carnistir's silence, also divided her and Míriel? They may look the same, but maybe, deep down, they were different?

~•~

The statue was completed a week later, even painted. When Rëonna stood before it she felt like looking into a mirror.

Every night she snuck out and looked the statue in the eyes, and the statue stared back with cold stone eyes.

She wasn't sure why she did it, it felt like she was in an endless battle with herself.

During the day she never looked at the statue at all, keeping her head low when passing, flinching when people complimented her Ammë on the good work. But at night she stood there, bare feet against the cold stone floor on the gardens terrace, stock still like she was frozen in place. She stared at the statue, not knowing what she even looked for. Maybe for nothing in particular.

It was the seventh night when something changed. She had missed a lot of sleep over the last days, but even her fatigue couldn't keep her away. She had slipped out of bed as soon as Atya and Ammë had put the twins to bed. She had internalized their footsteps by now. She had silently walked through the corridor out into the garden, where next to the statue of hers also statues of her brother overlooked the garden.

She stood before the statue and stared at it again. It felt like she hadn't move for hours, feeling unsatisfyed with whatever she was trying to do. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't sure what exactly she was trying to do.

"Milnettë, its cold, why are you out here."

Rëonna flinched. The night was cold and silent around here, like it had been all six nights before, and she just hadn't expected to hear another persons voice.

She didn't have to turn around to know who it was. There was only one person who called her Milnettë.

"Uncle Nõlofinwë?" She slowly turned around. Her feet were cold and felt like they were frozen to the ground. Behind her stood her uncle, Nõlofinwë, her father’s brother, even though her father wasn't fond of that fact.

She opened her mouth to ask why he was here, but the words died on her tongue.

Rëonna couldn't remember if her uncle had send a letter, asking to visit them, but her Atya had acted different the past few days. She almost didn't notice because of her lack of sleep and her difficulties to hide that she was losing sleep, but he had smiled less. Had looked absend, even when he was supposed to concentrate on a project. He had also snapped at her Ammë a few times, which always resulted in him kneeling before her while apologizing. Because even in anger did he respect her more than his own feelings of displeasure. But he had been off. And now Rëonna knew why. Nõlofinwë had told him he would come for a visit. Atya despised it when Nõlofinwë visited.

Sometimes Rëonna was confused why Nõlofinwë ever came by. Her Atya hated his brother and let no opportunity go by to remind him of that fact.

Nõlofinwë sighed and took off his heavy cloak to wrap it around Rëonna. "Its cold outside and you stand here barefeet." He chuckled. "I only know that reckless behaviour from my Írissë, but I never expected it from my Milnettë."

He carried her inside, Rëonnas head on his shoulder. Her eyes were still fixed on the statue but soon it was out of view and her mind was left with nothing.

She heard voices that she recognized as Ammë's and aunt Anairë's.

"Oh, Nõlo where did you find her?" Nerdanel sounded surprised. "I send her to bed hours ago!"

"I apologize for coming so late, Nerdanel. We planned to arrive earlier in the evening." Nõlofinwë said. "Milnettë was outside and..." But he stopped there. "She was probably looking at the flowers. They started blooming yesterday, you know."

Rëonna was bewildered at the fact that her uncle Nõlofinwë had just lied to her Ammë. There had been no flowers anywhere nearby.

"Ah, but Nerdanel, we don't want to keep you up so long!" Anairë's kind voice reached her ears, as the other woman took her mothers arm softly. "Why don't you show me where we can sleep. Nõlo can bring Rëonna back to bed."

Rëonna faintly wondered if them being here meant that Írissë was too, but she was to tired to feel anything beyond exhaustion.

Nõlofinwë carried her up to her room, sat her in her bed and wrapped her in her blanket, which was cold by now. He left his cloak around her shoulders. "I thought I better not tell your Amil that you stared at her statue like that."

She nodded. "Thank you, uncle Nõlofinwë."

"I do wonder why you did it, Milnettë. The statue looks perfectly fine, of course, like everything Nerdanel makes." He said, softly stroking her hair back from her forehead. "But I have a feeling thats not it?"

She shook her head. "It looks like me but it also doesn't."

That was all she said, before she fell asleep, knowing it wouldn't make sense to him.

~•~

Rëonna awoke late the next day, feeling truely rested for the first time in days. She was partly wrapped in the cloak and partly in her blanket.

She heard a light snoring, and when she opened her eyes she saw that Huan, Tyelkos dog, was curled up next to her. Tyelkormo was nowhwere to be seen.

She yawned softly, kind of feeling like she should roll around and sleep on but Huan looked at her and barked happily. He jumped up and off the bed.

The next second her door flew open and Rëonna was swallowed by the arms of a girl in a fluffy orange dress.

"Írissë!?" She got out as she fell back down on the bed again. Írissë's body was warm on hers. She smelled like pines and dirt, her smell made Rëonna all dizzy.

"Rëonna you almost slept all day, I was waiting for you!" Írissë laughed and rolled off of her to lay beside her. For a moment, Rëonna wanted to reach out, to keep her close, but she stopped herself, her stomach felt like blossoms of a soft flower were flowing around inside leaving goosebumps in their trail.

She didn't know what to say, so she just stared into her eyes.

"Atya and uncle Náro got into a fight, as usual. And its so boring. Turukàno and Arakáno stayed with Haruni Indis, and I haven't sein Findekáno and Maitimo ALL MORNING." She pulled Rëonna out of bed.

"Wait, Írissë! I have to get dressed first."

A few seconds later the girls ran outside, hand in hand. Rëonna had put on the first dress she was able to find, and Írissë had brushed her hair shortly.
They passed Curufin, who was carrying plans for the forge, and Tyelkormo, who looked bored about what Curufin was telling him, but listened anyways. Rëonna didn't catch what her brother said, to concentrated on how Írissë's soft palm felt against her own.

The afternoon passed quickly, they ran around in the garden all day, playing with Huan until they were exhausted. In the end, Rëonna lay on her back and stared into the sky, feeling the comforting weight of Írissë against her side.

"Atya told me you sneaked out at night to stare at your own statue. What were you up to, Rëonna?" She asked, putting her face into her palm and staring down at Rëonna, her body half covering hers. Rëonna wasn't sure why, but like this, she would have told Írissë all her secrets and would never regret it one bit. She saw her own reflection in Írissë's eyes. Her cheeks were bright red, her eyes wide. On Írissë's own cheeks was also a slight blush.

"I look like Míriel." Rëonna said softly.

Írissë seemed to think but came to the conclusion that she had no idea who that was. "Who?"

"Haru Finwë's first wife."

"Oh!" Recognision washed over Írissë's face. "Now I remember. She had yours and Tyelkos hair, right? And is said to be very pretty."

Rëonna nodded, having a sinking feeling in her stomach as she heard Írissë call another woman pretty. But why? Many who remembered thought she was pretty, everything Írissë said was true, so why did Rëonna feel like she was falling?

Írissë frowned. "You think you are to much like her, right?"

"I..." Rëonna stopped, eyes going even wider.

"You are your own person, Rëonna. You may look very similar, but when you frown you are all your Atar! Apart from that, looks don't matter. You have a good character." Írissë smiled. "You may be similar, but you are Rëonna and she is Míriel. Apart from Haru Finwë, even your Atar, we all only know Rëonna, not Míriel. Only Rëonna matters to us."

Rëonna was amazed at how careful Írissë choose those words, her eyes showing nothing but honesty. In that moment it was clear, that Írissë was a bit older.

"And just to be clear, you are way prettier than any portrait of Míriel I have ever seen."

She was still not sure what to feel exactly, but Írissë's words seemed to lift a heavy burden from her chest. Rëonna felt she could breath again for the first time in a long time.

Her cheeks burned and she smiled so wide it almost hurt and looked up into the sky again. As long as she was surrounded by her family, people that saw her, she would be fine.