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Chapter Text

He dislikes the girl at first sight.

Or second, if he thinks about it. He saw her two evenings ago, rushing onto the bus and swearing in heavily accented English when she found out it was the wrong one.

Taeoh presses close to the rooftop railing, watching aloofly as the girl—Kim Seri, Inha had screeched in terror—calls Inha 'fuckface' while shaking him by the collar, accusing him of shoplifting from someone named Suah's store.

He flails his arms. "I didn't! I didn't do it!" He swears, "You can ask Han Taeoh. He saw me. Didn't you, Taeoh?"

Taeoh doesn't feel like interfering. He reluctantly nods though she doesn't seem to care much for his opinion. She's taken an instant dislike to him as well. "Whatever." She has a slight accent when she speaks Korean. Her features, he realises when he pays attention, are a little mixed. "You better pay Suah's dad for everything you stole," she hisses, letting go of him and begins to leave the rooftop.

A darkness Taeoh doesn't expect flickers through Inha's eyes. "Bitch," he mutters.

"Orphan," she shoots back angrily.

Taeoh is taken aback for a second. He assumed these two to be friends with how familiar they were acting. The corner of Inha's mouth twitches. "I have a father," he defends firmly.

Kim Seri gives him a very pointed onceover. Her mouth presses into a thin, unimpressed line. "Mm," she raises her eyebrows as if calling him out on his bullshit, "You definitely do."

•✧•

"Who, Kim Seri?" Inha hoists his helmet on his hip and scratches his cheek. "She's the English teacher's niece. Moved here a couple of months ago with her dad. Kim Seri is her Korean name. Her real name is…" He screws up his face, trying to remember. "Shin-something. I peeked at her documents at the school office out of curiosity. I dunno…she's Irish. Half of her, anyway."

Taeoh pauses, the gate to his temporary house half-open. With a tilt of his head, he guesses, "Sinéad? Like Sinéad O'Connor?"

"Who?" He rolls his eyes at Inha's overexaggerated confusion. "It's the name with the thing over the 'e', right? Wah, that's pretty spot on." He leans against his bike and scowls, "She's so damn annoying. Sometimes, I feel I could run her over with my bike."

Taeoh nods. He can understand why Inha would dislike her. "I thought you were friends," he says honestly, "It's a surprise that you let her get away with cursing at you."

"She's tolerable but still annoying," he answers, "Goes to the Kangoh International School for Girls. I'm civil with her because she's Mr. Kim's niece. He might flunk me in English if she talks shit about me." Inha swings back and forth on the balls of his feet like a child. "You know what's weird, though?" He grins to himself, like he's hiding a secret. With a twinkle in his eyes, he says, unprompted, "She told me to be wary of you."

•✧•

She's on the wrong bus again.

Taeoh watches her from three seats away. The bus is just about empty but Kim Seri is still standing. She talks animatedly on the phone, in the same accented English that's too quick for his ear, gazing out the windows but not really looking.

What stands out about her is the light shade of brown her hair is. It's tied in a tiny ponytail with a parted fringe over her forehead. Maybe dyed, Taeoh thinks. She has multiple piercings in her ears—he counts six in one and seven in the other. Her face is square but not harsh or pointed. Thick eyebrows and brown eyes. Lips not too thin. Under the denim shorts, the band t-shirt and jacket, she's curvy compared to the usual slenderness in the women here.

An old man stares pointedly at her as he leaves and she stares back, all the way till the doors close and the bus begins to move. Taeoh hears her mutter that sounds suspiciously close to 'wee fecker'. Doubt creeps up her face and Kim Seri hangs up when they reach the last stop. Taeoh gets off, minding his own business because he's still tired from his part-time job and would love to go to bed.

"Excuse me!" Much to his annoyance, she runs up to him into the narrow alleyway. It's illuminated by a single yellow bulb. If she recognizes him under the light, it doesn't show on her face. Kim Seri holds up her phone. It's all in English except the address. "Could you tell me where this place is?"

She's overly polite with her speech. Taeoh raises a brow at her. "Weren't you trying to protect Kang Inha from me?" He accuses.

Kim Seri frowns in confusion. "Chicken?" She asks slowly for clarification.

"No. Protect. Pro-tect," he repeats in English. Then, with an exasperated sigh, says, "Nevermind. The address you're looking for is six blocks away. You should've taken bus number—"

"I know which bus I should've taken," she cuts him off and it somewhat infuriates him. "It's just…I'm still learning to read Korean," she grumbles, taking her phone back. She inhales deeply, reeling in her temper, and meets his gaze. "You're Inha's friend, aren't you? I'm—"

"Kim Seri," he interrupts her, "I know." Her eyebrow twitches in irritation. It's satisfying to watch. "I'm—"

"Han Taeoh," she mimics his tone. "I know." There's an aura of obnoxious superiority around her. Like she believes herself to be better just because he doesn't belong to the demography she's from. It's different from the superiority that comes from being a chaebol in this country but it's still superiority nonetheless. It grates his nerves. There's a childish urge to shove her into the gutter. He finally understands why Inha wants to run her over with his bike. Kim Seri puts her phone away and, with the same obnoxiousness, says, "It goes both ways, by the way."

Taeoh creases his brows.

"I warned him about you before I heard your little speech on major-league-minor-league, though half of it went over my head. You and Inha," she buries her hands in her jacket pockets and swings on the balls of her feet like he'd seen Inha do a few days ago. "You're a bad combination of friends. I have no idea what kind of a person you are but he's not what you think him to be. He's…" She struggles to find the right word in her limited vocabulary then says, "Weird."

Taeoh takes a step away from her. "Right," he says dryly, because he can't be bothered with what she thinks. What does she know, anyway? "I can make my own choices, thanks."

A shadow of scorn passes over her so quickly that Taeoh barely registers it. "Yeah," she shrugs, turning around, "I'm sure you know best."

He watches her walk down several paces before turning his back on her. Over his shoulder, he calls, "You're going the wrong way!"

•✧•

In her mind, she's still Sinéad Keating. It still takes her a moment to remember that when someone yells 'Kim Seri', they're referring to her.

Sure, the Asian side of her family called her that but only during the occasional phone call to the family or during the holidays. But her parents had to get divorced and she had to move out of the country with her dad because their hometown Donegal wasn't far enough from Dublin for the inconsolable man. It would've made more sense if they had moved to some big city in Korea. But Sinéad's dad, the Irish grandchild of Korean immigrants, decided to drop everything and come live with his cousin in this shithole of a village where everyone was up in everyone's business.

Sinéad—or maybe she should start calling herself Seri for the ease of it—hates everything about this village. The houses, the neighbourhoods, the people. The fascination she had towards this place had diminished with each holiday trip and now that she's seventeen, she makes it known that she wants nothing more than to take a flamethrower and set everything ablaze.

Too emotionally unstable and at his wits end, Flynn, her dad, finally cut her a deal. "Finish school here and then go on back home," he had said.

"Sure, because finishin' school here is too damn easy," Seri had snapped because she had taken one look at the eleventh grade maths textbook and promptly burst into tears.

There was no way she was going to juggle school and after-school school while catching up to the obvious gap between what she studied back home and what she needed to study here. But Seri doesn't think much of it after a point. She decides to do what she has to. It's just a few more months.

She's going to leave the damn country once she turns eighteen anyway.

•✧•

It's the middle of the night and she's going through English-to-Korean translations of terms related to human anatomy when she remembers seeing Han Taeoh before. Back on the rooftop, he had been covered in too any bruises for her to correctly place his face. Her uncle had called her one afternoon, when he was still in school, asking her to bring over some papers he had forgotten on his table.

Seri had walked through the gates and towards the school quad when one Han Taeoh had bumped into her while sprinting out of the building. Knocked to the ground, with the papers strewn around her, Seri had yelled curses after him because any civilised human would've stopped to help her. He hadn't bothered sparing her a glance and, instead, had gotten into a taxi that sped away, leaving dust behind.

"Dick," Seri mutters to herself, feeling the antagonism towards him rise, and turns the page.

•✧•

When she's got nothing better to do and he's not hanging around Taeoh, Kim Seri and Kang Inha spend time together. They're not each other's first choice but he's the only one who doesn't care that she fumbles around the levels of speech and she's the only one who keeps him on his toes. But Kim Seri and Han Taeoh go out of their way to avoid each other. The hate-at-first-sight, it seemed, was mutual.

"Here again?" Inha mocks when he finds her sitting on the swing in an empty playground, "I'm beginning to think you like me."

"Are you stupid?" She retorts with an eyeroll, "You're the one approaching me."

He gestures at her shorts before sitting on the swing next to hers, "Aren't you cold?"

"No."

"Where's your 'Suah-unnie'?" Inha mimics her but really, he taunts her by making his voice unnecessarily high-pitched. Seri doesn't sound like that. Nor does she call Suah 'unnie'.

Seri digs the tip of her sneaker into the dirt. "On a date with Wonderboy," she grumbles. 'Wonderboy' is Han Daeyang, a decent college-goer from the neighbourhood whose family isn't stupid rich but still rich enough to disapprove of his girlfriend for being a poor grocer's daughter. Seri has no problems with him. He's a kind person who walks her home upon Suah's request when she finds herself lost in the village or gets off at the wrong bus stop at night. Her problem is that Suah and her boyfriend have started to date far too seriously. So much so that Seri almost always gets stood up. Yeun Suah is three years older and Seri's only friend in a country where she'll never belong. Naturally, Seri can't help but resent Wonderboy Daeyang.

Inha picks up on the bitterness. He tilts his head and grins, "Why, are they planning on getting married and leaving you all by your lonesomeness?"

Maybe. "Maybe," Seri says, "Would be nice, though. They're cute together."

"You'll be lonelier." It's like Inha's deliberately rubbing salt on her wounds.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I should be selfish about it," she replies like it's obvious, "I'm sure we'll work something out. Besides, I won't be here for long. I'll go back to my mom the minute I turn eighteen."

Inha quietens for a minute or two. Then, he casually says, "I'm here too."

It's not a confession at all. No, instead, it's a seemingly straightforward way of him telling her to count him as a friend too. But Seri can't help feeling a warmth creep up her neck. Her gaze flickers to the beauty spot under his eye and she swallows dryly. "Yeah. I suppose." Her answer sounds very half-hearted but it's not.

Inha gasps, mock-offended, "You don't like being friends with me?" He talks as if they haven't yelled death threats at each other at all.

"No…I do like it," Seri swings lightly and tries to play it cool, "It's just…you get on my nerves." Quickly, she adds, "I know you do it on purpose." He does do it on purpose. He enjoys being acknowledged and having the spotlight on him so that he can flex the power that comes from his last name, her uncle had quietly told her over tea one evening.

Inha doesn't deny it. His mouth curves into a smile Seri has seen before. It's the one that makes her believe that maybe, just maybe, she won't regret liking him. "It's fun," he says, "Getting on your nerves." Then, he shifts, twisting his torso to face her, "Hey, you can count Taeoh as your friend too—"

"No fucking way," Seri snaps, feeling her blood pressure rise just at the mention of Han Taeoh. Inha twitches a bit in surprise. "I can't stand him," she continues, gripping the rope tightly, "I couldn't stand him from the moment I saw him. His—his…what's the word? Arrogance? Cockiness? Yeah, that. There's something about the cockiness with which he looks at me that makes me want to smack it off his face."

"Is that so…That's sad to hear." He doesn't look sad at all. If anything, Inha looks mildly pleased that she doesn't like Han Taeoh. She bites her tongue and doesn't comment. 

Kang Inha is cute. Attractive, even. But Seri should smother the crush she's developing on him while it's still early. Especially because there's something very, very off about him and his overly bright demeanour.

•✧•

Seri realises that she's gotten on the wrong bus the second she spots Han Taeoh at one of the window seats. "Ah, fuck," she curses, startling the whole bus. Taeoh scowls furiously at her and pulls his hood up. It's not until she gets off at the next stop and is halfway home that she wonders whether he thought she was swearing at him and not at the situation.

•✧•

Inevitably, Inha invites Kim Seri to his condo to study together. What he doesn't tell her is that Taeoh is already there at the dining table with his textbooks and notes spread around him. They glare at each other and Inha pretends that nothing's wrong, ushering Seri to sit across Taeoh. Taeoh is impressed by how efficiently she teaches Inha physics. Saying it out loud, or even letting it show on his face for that matter, is out of the question. He raises his brows while looking into his own assignment, and acts like he couldn't care less how smart she shows herself to be. Or acknowledge her show of intelligence.

Their study session doesn't last very long. Less than two hours later, Inha cries about his brain melting and kicks them out politely. Seri and Taeoh walk out of the property in what is the most uncomfortable silence of Seri's life. She clutches the strap of her school bag and casually asks, "So, which way are you head—"

Han Taeoh has already turned away from her, walking towards the bus stop. He can't bring himself to care about her in any way. They're not friends. Seri feels a surge of anger at his behaviour because she's trying to be civil. "Well, fuck you too, then," she scoffs in English.

What is meant for her own ears accidentally comes out as half a shout. Taeoh stops short and whirls around, eyes turning into slits from rage. "What is your problem?" He demands.

Seri feels bad that he heard her. She doesn't know how to respond but doesn't want to not respond either. With a contemptuous raise of her shoulders, she meets his eyes challengingly.

Taeoh looks away once, smiling humourlessly to himself. To him, she oozes with an ill-placed superiority complex. But, to him, she's only superior in being dull and stupid. "Your arrogance is too damn annoying," he snaps.

"You're one to talk, mushroom-face," Seri retorts. She turns around with a hmph and adjusts her bag over her shoulders. What a pity that he's good-looking. "I hope you get hit in the head," she curses.

Taeoh doesn't think he's a bad person. In fact, he goes out of his way to be morally and ethically good. But this time, he doesn't stop himself from wishing that she gets hit by a car or vanishes into thin air. Not vanishing from kidnapping, of course, because the kidnappers would probably drop her off at her house and hand her poor father money to make sure she never leaves her house again.

He watches her strut down the opposite direction and contemplates whether or not he should say it. She is regrettably pretty. Once she's far enough, he calls loudly, "You're going the wrong way!"

•✧•

Her brother, Liam—William—is home for the weekend from uni and is kind enough to call Seri to give her a break from going mental. "How're ya keepin', Nade?" He yawns into the phone. He's four years older, studies Physics in Trinity, and has dark blue eyes that he inherited from their mother, Louisa.

Seri hangs half off the sofa, twirling the landline cord around her finger. "Gettin' by, as you do," she replies, "I feel worse for uncle, though. He's puttin' up with a lot, what with da getting drunk and moping around as often as he does." She wonders how much the phone is going to blow up with the number of international calls she and her dad have been making lately.

"Ach, sorry to hear that."

"It's that soju stuff he's been on. I'll tell ya, that stuff's actually like juice." A pause. "How're you?"

He yawns again, this time letting out a noise that sounds a lot like Chewbacca. "Grand," he says, "Not too bad. Thinking of a PhD. Ma's not keen on my plans."

"How's she?" Seri calls her mother every week without fail to keep up but her brother can actually see how the woman's doing after the divorce.

"On a honeymoon high but if honeymooning was for a single person."

"That's an awful analogy, Liam."

"Y'know what I mean. She works. Goes down to the pub with the girls. Flirts. Comes home. Works. Pub. Flirts. And so it goes. Connor's brother—you know, the fella moved to work as a bartender once Ronnie's started to pick up business—aye, I ran into him at the dairy section at a Tesco when he told me, so he did. Don't think she's dating anyone, though."

Seri's mouth curves in disgust, "For Christ's sake, I hope she's not. It's too soon, isn't it?"

"I think she's just enjoying bein' single at the moment. I know she misses da. Heard her grumbling about the car keys today. How's school?"

Seri doesn't have a lot of friends. The girls that she had attracted on the account of being a foreigner had dispersed quite quickly when they found that she wasn't white enough, didn't have any unique features, and spoke an accent of English that they found difficult to understand. It's not bad, she tells her brother, at least she's not getting bullied like they show in the dramas she's started to watch during breakfast with her uncle.

"No pretty lads in class to pass time?"

"I'm in an all girls." Still, she thinks of Kang Inha. Unfortunately, and to her horror, the face that comes to her mind is Han Taeoh. Seri suppresses a shudder.

"No," she insists, scratching her arm, "Everyone's an eyesore."

•✧•

After a particularly difficult day of looking up words and using the wrong level of formality, Seri drags herself back home to find Han Taeoh at the dining table with her uncle. They look up from the stacks of exam papers in unison.

Her uncle, an ever-jolly face with thinning grey hair, waves at her, "Fun day?" Sometimes, he still talks to her like she's eight, bless his bachelor heart.

"Shite," she answers, leaning against the wall and slipping her socks off. She saunters past them to the small utility space behind the kitchen and throws them into her pile of laundry. "What're youses up to?"

"He's helping me mark the ninth graders' papers," he explains, pointing at Taeoh who refuses to look up from his lap. Seri's uncle doesn't notice and continues to grin enthusiastically at the notion of having his work halved. "Ah, you haven't met him, have you? This is Han—"

"We've met," Seri and Taeoh echo dryly. Taeoh's gaze briefly flickers over to her. It falls to the framed picture of her and Yeun Suah on the crockery cabinet.

"He's an intelligent student. Ranked in the top 0.1%, you know?" Her uncle still doesn't notice the hostility between the teenagers. "He's my classmate's son," he finishes happily, sifting through the pile of sheets in front of him.

The bit of information is useless for Seri but Taeoh's head snaps up. His eyes widen and he visibly struggles to speak for a fraction of a second. "How do you know that?" He asks quietly. The wonder in his voice reminds Seri of a child. "Saem?" Taeoh adds hurriedly to avoid upsetting Seri's uncle.

He puts his reading glasses on and uncaps a red pen. "You moved into Jisook's childhood home, didn't you?" He hums, circling a word on one of the answer sheets, "The village chief told me. Not many remember Sookie, to be honest. She moved out to another town to study further once her parents died. Even at school, she kept to herself like you do." Seri's uncle laughs to himself, "Bet you inherited her brains too. She was clever, that one. Clever and kind hearted. Used to help me and a few others with our homework."

He shakes his head pityingly, "Never saw her after our highschool graduation. But…" His somberness disappears, replaced by his usual cheer, "I saw her face in yours and recognised you immediately."

Seri's taken to lean against the kitchen counter, with her uncle's back to her, and watches Taeoh's reaction. He's too careful with his emotions, she observes, but there's a shine in his eyes and she thinks he's going to cry. "Right," she says loudly, breaking whatever trance he was in, "Thanks for the story, uncle. I need to go lie down."

As much as she hates Han Taeoh, she recognises his want to be by himself after listening to her uncle. Her room's the farthest one from the kitchen—not that the house is grand and spacious.

"Don't worry," she hears her uncle say softly, "I'm not going to pry. And I'm not going to talk. You can breathe now, Taeoh."

•✧•

She doesn't smoke very often. Her parents don't mind but her father had lectured her during their 18 hour flight to Incheon airport about being caught with cigarettes by her uncle. Or any of the villagers. As a result, there aren't a lot of places where Seri can smoke when she's utterly stressed after spending the whole night memorising new vocabulary for her biology class.

She sneaks out of the house before 5AM and takes a walk towards the outskirts of the village. There's an abandoned railway line that acts as a shortcut but is rarely used by the villagers because of how inconvenient it is to traverse over. Seri sits down on the track, humming a pop song she had heard on the radio, and lights her cigarette.

It's peaceful and it's calm and she almost forgets that she was contemplating drowning herself in the lake instead of studying for her exam. But she's barely taken three drags when she hears the crunch of gravel heading towards her.

"Little early to smoke, don't you think?" Han Taeoh looks down at her, hands shoved in the pockets of his dark blue hoodie.

His tone is lighthearted, like he's trying to be civil with her. But she's not in any mood to entertain his friendly advances. He should've been decent with her the first time she'd been nice to him. Seri spitefully blows the smoke out through her nose and glances up at him. "Little early to piss me off, don't you think?" She shoots back.

It's the angle from which she looks at him that makes her mind play tricks on her. The handsome cut of his face hardens venomously and she curses herself for finding him attractive. They are alone in a deserted spot at dawn, and he hates her and she wants to kneel in front of him with her fingers slowly creeping up to the waistband of his jeans.

Seri looks away with a click of her tongue. If he wasn't such an asshole, she would've tried to fuck him. But she's better and smarter than him so she won't. But, Christ, he's hot, she'll give him that.

"Right," he says, shaking his head as if she is a lost cause, "Why do I bother?"

"You shouldn't."

"My mistake."

"I'm not surprised. Your judgement isn't exactly sound."

If there's something Seri has caught on about Han Taeoh, it's that he can't stand it if she belittles his decision-making skills. His mouth twitches. She wonders whether he'll pick up a rock and smash her head in. He doesn't look like the type but you can never tell with men. He settles for a flimsy 'Go to hell' that makes her chuckle. Seri dusts the cigarette ash off her pyjama pants and watches Taeoh walk past her.

Her eyes stay trained on his undercut and the back of his neck. She takes another drag, wondering what his throat would feel like against her lips.

•✧•

Though he doesn't have time for it, Taeoh has a clear definition of love. It's about being kind and fair and understanding—a soft feeling. It's everything he has never seen between his mother and his step-father.

Naturally, Taeoh is appalled by himself when he senses that the unwitting attraction he feels towards Kim Seri takes the shape of something aggressive and full of hate. He fears that he has begun to mirror his father's pugnacity. But his conscience is arguably in control. He hasn't given in to the urge of winding his fingers through Kim Seri's light brown hair or kissing her so hard that her mouth bruises. He hasn't gotten close enough to touch her. That's good. Again, she's admittingly pretty—though not his type—yet, the thought of just their hands brushing makes his skin crawl.

He prides himself for his patience but with Kim Seri, he's hit the cap. And somehow, the intense dislike and repulsion and disgust has given rise to a horrific feeling of lust that he realises when he looks down at her sitting on the train tracks. There's an involuntary sense of smugness he feels when he sees her below him.

This is bad, he thinks and picks up his pace. Han Taeoh is a decent human being and the desire to fuck Kim Seri to show how much better he is than her is alarming and, frankly, shameful of him. It's a side of him he'd rather never discover. He has grand dreams to achieve.

But Seri is tearing him apart without doing any physical damage to him. Taeoh, who has supreme control over his thoughts, loses the reins and pictures the dip of her waist while he takes out a water bottle from Inha's fridge. When he tries to explain Inha a set of graphs, he recalls Seri smoking under the lavender sunrise and thinks of the tight curves behind her white shirt.

"How dehydrated are you?" Inha cocks his head to the side, watching Taeoh chug another bottle to quench his parched throat.

"Just…" Taeoh doesn't know what to say. He's afraid of how Inha will respond if he confesses that Kim Seri is toying with him without actually doing anything. "My stress is making me see things."

•✧•

Chapter Text

After what feels like weeks, Seri finally gets time with Yeun Suah who is manning her father's store for the day. Suah, petite and pretty, is apologetic. She clings to Seri's hand as they sit side by side under the awning of the store and gives it a shake. "I'm sorry," her mouth curves downwards with guilt, "I've been a bad friend."

"I don't mind." She does mind. "I know you're getting pretty serious about Han Daeyang."

Suah lowers her voice suddenly, setting off alarm bells in Seri's mind. "Right," she casts a wary look around, "I wanted to talk to you about that."

Oh, joy. Have they broken up? Seri tries not to look hopeful. "Oh?" She reels in her excitement. "Everything okay?"

Nervously, Suah plays with the ends of her daisy-print dress. "I've…I've talked it over with my dad and he's surprisingly supportive about it," she sounds timid, afraid of what Seri might say, "Even Daeyang's parents have said yes, though there was a huge fight about it."

Seri raises her eyebrows slowly. "Are you two…" she swallows, "getting married?"

She smiles sheepishly, "Yes?"

Contrary to how she had expected herself to react, Seri wraps her arms around Suah's and squeals with excitement. "Congratulations," she laughs, tears prickling her eyes, and it's genuine. She'll be lonely, yes, but she's looking forward to seeing her friend live a happy life. "I'm so happy for you."

Suah turns and clutches both her hands. "That's not all," she bites the inside of her cheek, "Daeyang's parents, they've bought us a house in the city suburbs. We're going to move there after the wedding. Because here, well…people will talk, you know?"

"About getting married when you're barely twenty-two? Yeah, right. The locksmith's daughter got married at nineteen and everyone was pretty happy about it."

"No, not because of that." Suah ducks her head and suppresses a giggle, "I'm pregnant and the baby would need more space that Daeyang's home here doesn't have."

Seri is positive she has misheard what Suah has told her. She gapes at her friend, open-mouthed. Then, she turns her head, snail-paced, to stare out into the street. This is mental, she thinks because Seri knows she won't have her shit together until she's well in her thirties. And her friend is out here having kids at twenty-one?

Misunderstanding her reaction, Suah gently defends herself, "I'm happy about it."

"As you should be," Seri replies without missing a beat. Her voice is brimming with emotions she can't quite understand. "It is happy news."

Suah's watery smile widens and she lays her head on her shoulder. After a stretch of silence, Seri says, "You better name your kid after me as compensation."

•✧•

Seri and her dad lay in front of the garden doors, soaking in the late afternoon breeze after hanging the laundry. The garden was barely ten feet from the threshold, with a five-foot wall surrounding their small lodgings. Seri's uncle was at the school for the weekend, preparing questions for the upcoming mock exams.

"How'd you know, though?" Seri suddenly asks, "That you're fit to have kids?"

Flynn Keating, who now went by Kim Myeongseok to appease his father and dear departed grandmother, lay on his back. Eyes closed and hands on his stomach, he drowsily says, "There's a lot of reasons. You could be mighty sure of yerself and your hidden parentin' skills. You might have money and land. Security and stability for the future. Societal pressure. Pressure from the loved ones. Maybe it was your dream to have kids. Or maybe you just feel ready after a point."

"Isn't that the same as being confident?"

"No." He turns to sleep on his side, folding his hands under his ear. "Some think they prove themselves to be something grand if they have kids. Like an achievement. A trophy on their mantle. Some just…want it. Some don't want anythin' to do with kids and that's a good choice too."

She's relieved to hear him say that because Seri can't imagine herself ever wanting kids. Or being ready for them. She's a child herself so it's an absurd thing to think about. She raises her arms over her head and stretches. "What about you and mammy?"

"Oh, we wanted to wait. But, your brother was a pleasant surprise and we ended up being very excited. You, however," he nudges her with his foot, "you were unexpected."

"Thanks very much," she scowls.

The man hums to himself, "We left your brother at your granda's for the night and ended up drinking too much at the concert."

Seri slaps her palms over her ears, "Christ. Sorry I asked!"

Her dad playfully digs his knuckle into her cheek. "We were still thrilled," he sighs calmly, "Your mother fell in love with you the moment she saw you." He smiles at the memory. "You're good wains, you and Liam. We did a fine job, I s'pose, considerin' how we didn't raise psychopaths or mass murderers."

"I miss mom," Seri mumbles, curling up against her dad.

"Mm." He puts an arm around her, patting her arm comfortingly. "Me too."

•✧•

The weather grows colder and Seri finds herself stuck at Inha's house during a particularly bad thunderstorm. It's not exactly a big deal. The weather can be awful back home so she's used to it. She can throw her hood up and run all the way to the bus stop but Inha convinces her to stay until the storm lessens.

"I'll drop you home once it stops raining heavily," he says, peering out of the glass doors of his balcony.

They try to watch a movie to pass the time but end up spiralling into a conversation, letting the film run in the background. "So you've stopped shoplifting now that Han Taeoh is in your life?" Seri teases.

"It wasn't shoplifting," Inha lies with a scowl, "I just paid them back a little late."

She may hate Taeoh but his presence has put a stop to Inha's attention-seeking tendencies. He hasn't caused as much trouble as he used to when she first moved to Maju several months ago. "I didn't like you in the beginning, you know?" Inha casually says, picking at the seat cover of the sofa.

Seri pauses, unintentionally comparing it to what she and Taeoh feel towards one another. Somehow, it's more insulting to imagine them gradually turning into friends like she and Inha did. "You did look like you wanted to stab me a bunch of times," she replies with a nod.

Strangely, the way Inha laughs at this makes her slightly uncomfortable. "I wouldn't stab you," he snickers, "I wouldn't do that."

Seri narrows her eyes and shakes her head, "Maybe don't talk about murder like it's normal?"

He scoffs in return, "Have you still not learnt the joking tone we use here?"

"Right," she says dryly because a small part of her is not convinced, "My bad." To divert their conversation topic, she turns her attention to the flyer lying on his coffee table. "Hankuk University?" She reads aloud and glances at him, "You're applying here?"

"Me and Taeoh," he answers, bending her head close to hers as they peer down at the pamphlet. "We're applying for Business School. He said he'll help me get to the top of Kangoh."

Seri tries to fill in the rest of the blanks herself. Maybe Han Taeoh promised him the company. With the company came fame and money and prestige. Inha had come off as the type to care about being in the spotlight. He'd never said it bluntly in front of her but she had sensed that he wanted his birth father to acknowledge him. Seri didn't know much about his father—Kang Joongmo—other than that he was some hotshot business tycoon. It wasn't exactly something she cared about.

Or maybe Taeoh's just going to help him pass the interview round or something during recruitment.

"Oh," she nods, "that's why you two have been studying together so much." Inha smiles, wide and smug.

Seri has her own plan and it's the School of Medicine at Trinity. Her grades, despite moving here, are still really good and her parents are satisfied. There's no need for any backup plan. She is confident that it'll all work out in her favour. There's no reason for it not to.

Soon, her time in Maju will all feel like a really bad dream.

When the rain slows down, she reminds Inha to drop her home before he starts making dinner plans. It's cold and he offers her one of his jackets—a black zip-up hoodie—so that she doesn't freeze to death on his bike. She rests her cheek on his back during the ride and he takes two minutes longer to say goodnight to her.

Seri forgets to return Inha's hoodie that night and it stays with her for the next twenty years.

•✧•

The wedding is held at the village's community hall. Seri has never seen the building in such grandeur. Han Daeyang's parents have gone out of their way to organise their only son's wedding. There are white and pink flowers hanging off of every wall. Round tables are arranged in front of the stage, already filling up with guests. The village chief walks around the venue, hands behind his back and nodding approvingly at everything.

Seri's already been to see Suah in the dressing room. They've shed their fair share of tears and taken dozens of photos. Seri's heart has never felt this full. She has close friends and best friends back in Donegal but what she has with Suah is something completely different.

"This is mental," she tells her dad who cannot stop from helping himself to the snacks, "We were exchanging emails about mould in her attic and the moss on our garden walls in January. How is she getting married?"

"Tha's just how life is," her dad manages to utter in between chewing. "Unheralded and never linear."

"Ach, da, you have sauce on your mouth." Seri reaches for her clutch and pulls out a handkerchief.

When she turns to wipe the sauce stain off her dad's mouth, she spots Han Taeoh working as one of the serving staff. Unlike the usual way he keeps his hair, he has swept it aside to fit the aesthetic of the event. Their eyes meet. He glances down at her ginger-coloured halter dress and looks away first, mixing into the crowd of guests, and disappears. Seri tries to swallow the lump in her throat. Unluckily, the undercut and the red waistcoat make him look even more attractive.

"What?" Her dad asks, tearing her out of the coarse thoughts that are creeping into her mind. "What's wrong?"

Seri's voice cracks when she says 'Nothing'. It's embarrassing. Her father raises an eyebrow and takes the kerchief from her, politely dabbing the corner of his mouth. His attention completely diverts to his cousin who joins them with vigour because he is overflowing with the gossip he has collected after speaking to the village elders.

Alone, Seri watches the bride and groom arrive on the stage, arm in arm, beaming at their audience. She crosses her arm over her chest and fiddles with the pearl necklace she's wearing that she nicked off her mother's old box. Her eyes search for Taeoh again—or rather, the pit in her stomach and the ache between her legs search for him against her wishes.

The lights are dimmed as the bride and groom bow to the gathering. Seri joins in the modest applause, waving at Suah who looks gorgeous in her billowy white dress. But all she can think of, in all seriousness, is maybe it would be better for her if she hooks up with Taeoh once and lays her mind to rest. Maybe he could be so bad that she'd erase it from her memory, like she's done a bunch of times back home, and they'll all move on with their lives.

Christ, she really wants to fuck the smug indifference off his face. Maybe then his shapely eyebrows will turn with something other than disdain for her.

•✧•

In the middle of the reception, Taeoh is ordered to restock the sauce bottles in the dining area. Following the orders from one of the cook ladies, he finds himself outside one of the few store rooms in the back of the community centre that looks like it has seen better days. It's still in use but the village funding isn't enough for its upkeep.

He wiggles the door handle and needs to really push with all his strength to open the door. Taeoh stops short when he sees Kim Seri slouching under the single window, leaning against the cabinet that comes up to the small of her back. She's smoking again. Her mascara's smudged around the corner of her eyes like she's been crying.

Where he usually might feel sympathy, he feels an overwhelming sense of irritation. There's something about that face that he just. Can't. Stand. He lingers at the door as the store room can accommodate exactly two and a half human beings with the cabinet and a huge shelf taking up most of the space.

Seri rolls her eyes at him. It's then that Taeoh decides to get what he came for and leave as quickly as he can. "Move," he says sharply, invading her personal space so that she's forced to shift to stand against the shelf. There's barely a foot between them.

"You couldn't wait your turn?" She snaps and watches him bend and rummage through the cabinet. Strange, why would they keep condiments in a musty place like this? But then again, this village is screwed in the head so anything is possible.

Taeoh looks over his shoulder just in time to catch Seri's gaze flickering back up to his face. She stares into his eyes too blatantly to mask the subtle shame and guilt, and he realises, to his utter disbelief, that she was staring at his ass. Seri looks away and brings her crumbling cigarette to her lips. "Unlike you," Taeoh closes the cabinet too loudly and forces Seri to switch places with him so he can search the shelf, "I am here for work."

She blows the smoke out and he makes an obvious show of fanning it away.

"It's not my fault I'm the guest," she retorts snippily.

Seri takes another deep, spiteful drag and fills the already congested space with more smoke. It's like she's intentionally trying to choke him. "Stop doing that," he hisses.

"What, smoking?" He hates how she talks to him. "Ugh, dickhead." Her hip brushes against his as she tries to shimmy towards the door. "You ruin the vibes wherever you go. What…? What the f—?" Seri rattles the handle, frowning in confusion. The door refuses to budge. "Oh, fantastic!" She whirls around, standing chest to chest with Taeoh, "You've locked us in, you moron."

Taeoh tries the handle himself, pushing and shoving his shoulder against the door to get it to open. But it's jammed. He tunes out Seri's ramblings and tries to call the wedding organiser and one of the senior staff members. Neither of them pick up. Taeoh goes as far as calling the village chief but to no avail. Breathing heavily, because the store room is beginning to look far too tiny to his senses, Taeoh begins to formulate plans that would get him out of here.

Seri is stubbing her cigarette against the top of the cabinet. "—is a nightmare," she mumbles, "Really. Who told you to come here anyway? You should've just waited until I left instead of barging in and pushing me around. Christ, you're so full of yourself. This is all your fault—"

"Can you," Taeoh grits his teeth, losing all his patience, "shut up for two seconds?"

She glares challengingly at him, "No."

"Well, you have to," he retorts, examining the lone, sorry-looking window that's too small for him to crawl out of. "Just like you don't want to be here, I don't want to be around someone like you." He searches for something similar to a crowbar on the vast shelf.

Seri forces him to turn around by grabbing his elbow. It aggravates him even more because what if she stains his white shirt with ash? "I have been nothing but decent towards you!" She exclaims, shaking her head wildly.

Taeoh scoffs, "Are you joking? You cuss and swear at me without any reason and go around telling Inha that I'm a criminal, like the rest of the school."

"Rest of the school? What the fuck are you talking about—the gossip about your dad being a murderer? Please." She laughs scornfully. "They think I'm the village whore because I wear denim shorts so pinch of salt?" He doesn't know what the last three words mean. It's English, sure, but her accent is too fast, too thick for his ears. "And I told you the same thing about Inha as well!"

He glares down at her with all the animosity he can muster, "You think you're right about everything, don't you?"

"I never said that." She elbows him aside to have another go at the door. The straps of her dress are really thin and her shoulders are bare. Taeoh finds a birthmark somewhere near the curve of her neck, just below where the dress straps are tied. The beauty spot captures his gaze and no matter how many times he distracts himself, his attention is wrenched back to it.

"No, but you feel you're so much better." He's never spoken to anyone so contemptuously. "Your misplaced superiority shows on your face when really, you're a privileged, disrespectful brat. You're all bark and no bite."

Seri slams her fist against the door before turning to him "What?" She exclaims loudly, "I never—you decided to hate me from the second I walked onto that rooftop. And you…you pushed me that day—you didn't even apologise!" Taeoh has no idea what she's talking about. He believes she's making things up, confusing him with someone else, and it makes him hate her even more.

"Every time I tried to be nice, you were nothing but an arsehole in return," Seri's eyes bore viciously into his. "You pride yourself on being some epitome of a good person who can read everyone around himself and predict their moves when the truth is, you're nothing but an imposter who's really fucking naive!"

"Fuck you." It's juvenile of him to curse at her. He's never said the phrase out loud before, no matter how situations had tempted him. He's not the kind to. But she's pushed him to the edge and even he cannot take himself seriously from the flimsy way he's uttered it.

But Kim Seri doesn't scoff or muffle a chortle. She doesn't poke fun at him like he expects her to. No, she smiles widely, the shine of her crimson lips making his stomach flip, takes a step too close to him and jabs a finger in the centre of his chest. "Fuck me yourself, love," she hums and all of a sudden, there is a staggering increase in temperature.

Taeoh begins to sweat from the heat rising around them. The curve of her black-painted nail drills a hole right into his heart. He has to physically hold himself back from sliding a rough hand up Seri's waist and testing his theory on whether she'd taste as sweet and hypnotic as she smells. His eyes drag down from her mouth to where the neckline of her dress dips. Seri glances at his lips again and again, and maybe, just maybe, Taeoh leans closer to her.

The storeroom door is ripped open. The suddenness of it makes Seri shove Taeoh away from him. His back hits the shelf painlessly. They turn their heads to find the bride, Yeun Suah, standing in front of them, looking green in the face. "Excuse me," she says politely, clutching her stomach, "I was looking for the bathroom. I—"

She lurches to grab the nearest possible container, which so happens to be a box of dried plums that Taeoh thinks should be thrown away, and vomits. He feels a sting of sympathy towards her. The bride must be really stressed for her to throw up like this.

Nevertheless, Taeoh slips out from the narrow space and makes a run for it. Behind him, he hears Seri's voice drop to a softer, gentler tone that he has never heard before.

"Charming," she says to Suah-noona, rubbing her back soothingly, "The nausea's hitting you hard, I see."

•✧•

"—here and strike as fast as you can." Inha teaches her self-defence at the village gym after hearing that she sometimes ends up in the wrong part of the district and walks home at night. He offers to drive her to and from her after-school study classes but Seri politely rejects him as, unfortunately, she finds him cuter every day.

Inha folds her palm into a fist. "Keep your thumb outside your fist or you'll break it on impact," he instructs her, "Now, go for the throat." She swings and he dodges with ease, giving her a look. "Try harder," he urges. "Watch your shoulder. Hold your fist tighter." Seri tries again but her hook is still flimsy. Inha sighs and reprimands her, "You're not taking this seriously."

"What if I accidentally hurt you?" She frowns.

"Don't be ridiculous." He laughs like there's a joke only he knows. "There's no way you could ever hurt me."

•✧•

Life becomes hectic in a way Seri has never experienced before. She manages to visit Suah and Daeyang in Seoul twice before there's too much to study, too many mock exams to give, and too much of Han Taeoh to deal with.

He hangs around her home and her uncle like a bad penny. She almost always expects him to be at the dinner table, talking in low voices and scheming with her uncle. "Just sharing a little something I learnt about shares and stocks," her uncle winks at her when she tries to ask about it indirectly, "Nosy."

"Good lad," her fathers says one evening when she off-handedly mentions him as Inha's friend, "Helped me with my taxes."

"You don' need help with taxes," Seri makes a face, opening the fridge to put the groceries in.

He settles into the sofa and flips through the TV channels. "No," he replies, "but I was looking for a conversation. He's quite charming, that fella. You should be mates."

"I hate his guts," she answers without missing a beat, accentuating each word with an aggressive slam of the beer cans into the fridge door, "Pompous, snobbish, arrogant prick. He thinks he's soo important."

Her dad frowns. "...Right," he slowly says. Though he knows Seri has a rough mouth on her, he's never seen her be this hostile towards anyone. She usually tends to curse and move on. "Did something happen?"

Seri freezes, crouching and in the middle of wedging the bok choy over the cabbages. Though it was weeks ago, she still remembers his hot breath on her mouth and how he had leaned in. His hand had brushed over her dress, by her thigh and, god, there are nights where Seri regrets not pressing against him and kissing him and having her hands on him.

Han Taeoh is very attractive and Seri wishes she could switch off the part of her that wants to fuck him.

"No." She shoves the tomatoes too harshly into the vegetable box, accidentally smashing one of them. "He's just a dick."

•✧•

"Look, I appreciate you trying," Taeoh says, gentle but firm, "But I don't want to be friends with her, Inha. She's good to you, yeah, but we're never going to get along. I don't want to put in the effort when I know she's not useful for our plans."

Inha slows down, matching his stride as they walk down the abandoned railway tracks to his house. "That's cruel of you," Inha comments lightheartedly, "Would you have tried to be friends with her if she was of use to us?"

He wouldn't have. Taeoh would never exploit someone for his own needs. It was why he had been honest with Inha from the start. "I don't think so," he answers, "and I'm really glad that that limits our interactions."

A few minutes later, when they pass by Kim Seri's house, Taeoh ducks his head to avoid accidentally seeing her. Inha, however, looks towards the garden on the side of the house. Taeoh follows his line of sight and sure enough, Seri is hanging up bed sheets on the clothesline to dry. Black headphones covering her ears, she doesn't notice either of the boys. From the distance, they hear her hum. Taeoh refuses the pleasantness of her voice and simply keeps walking. His friend, however, slackens his pace. There is a muted longing in his eyes that fills Taeoh with dread.

He waits until they have passed four more houses before carefully asking, "Do you like her?" Taeoh can't do anything if he does like her. But Kim Seri will inevitably leave after a few months and a heartbroken Inha would be very difficult to work with.

He doesn't expect Inha to guffaw in response. "What?" Inha chortles, "Why would I like her? I mean…she's pretty, sure, and we do have a lot of common interests, but she's not what I want."

"And what do you want?" Taeoh asks for reassurance.

"Kangoh." There's no hesitation. Inha does, however, look over his shoulder and mumble, "Pity. I enjoy spending time with her."

•✧•

"She called my father a bourgeois, fascist, autocratic prick, you know?" Inha tells him, "In that order, in English."

Taeoh raises his eyebrows to say 'I see' and hides his amusement. He doesn't like the curiosity it sparks in his ribs.

•✧•

Her mother manages to squeeze in a Skype call before going to work. Louisa Keating's cherubic face overwhelms Seri and she does a very good job at suppressing her tears. "That's a cracker hairdo," she compliments her mother who has cut her blonde hair unbelievably short. "I see Moira's ma finally mastered the pixie cut."

"Is that what it's called?" Her mother hums, "I kept thinkin' it's the Dixie cut, after the Dixie Chicks. We went to their concert in Dublin a few years ago, you know? Your father and I. Drove all the way for it. Flynn, bless his heart, drove the whole night back because I pulled a muscle from jumpin' around too much." She leans too close to the screen while putting her lipstick on. The background is unrecognisable. Of course, it is. It's from a rented flat Seri's never been to in a city she has only ever visited. (The most recently being the Dolly Parton concert).

"I don't remember that," Seri frowns, resting her elbows on her uncle's table. Though the computer's in his office, her uncle has pretty much handed it over to her because he's never going to be ready for the way technology is developing.

"'Course ya don't, love." Louisa examines her makeup, blue eyes looking paler from the computer's light, "We left you with Moira's lot because your granda was on a fishing trip with his mates. You and your brother were asleep by the time we returned." She rests her chin on her knuckles and sighs, drifting far down the memory lane. "We used to be the talk of the town, your da and I. The Wests—you know, your father's friend. The one with a fondness for spats—him and his missus used to go absolutely mental trying to figure out how we were finding time to go dancing while raising you wains. They thought we was neglectin' you but well," she looks extremely proud of herself when she concludes, "their girl's in jail for attempted murder while my children are thriving. We couldn't have done better, it has to be said."

Seri leans back into the chair. "I see." She clears her throat. "Then why did you and daddy separate if you got along so well?"

Her mother begins to rummage off-screen through her collection of perfumes that has allegedly grown in almost a year. "It is what it is, Nade," she says casually, "Sometimes, there is love and it does absolutely nothing for you."

Seri doesn't like the answer. "Da misses you," she tries to earn sympathy.

"Aye, love, he'll cope."

•✧•

Seri walks home with her uncle one evening, telling him about her mock exams and how they're sucking the life out of her. They return to find Taeoh at the dining table, talking to Seri's dad. "Welcome home," her dad says before switching to English, "Did you talk to your mother about school?"

"Sure, she was ragin' when I told her." Seri dumps her schoolbag on the sofa while her dad gives his chair up to her uncle. She does her best to not let her gaze linger on Han Taeoh's broad back. "I told her Trinity and she acted like I made her jog all the way up to Portnoo."

"She doesn't want you to go to Dublin?" Her uncle asks, pausing his conversation with Taeoh.

She shakes her head, the irritation she felt the day earlier returning, "She wants me to—what's the phrase…'broaden my…'" She makes a sweeping motion with her hand.

"Horizon?" Her uncle offers.

"Yeah. 'Broaden my horizon'. I can broaden my horizons very well in a city. And it's a grand university, I tell you. Really, da," she turns to her father. "You'd think I told her I'd spend the rest of my life floatin' down the Eske like Jeanette's brother does on his wee boat."

"Jeanette's brother's in the coastguard, love."

"All the same," she snaps, nearly slipping on the wooden floor in her socks, "I bombed my mock exam because of the argument." Taeoh looks like he's trying to shrink out of existence. She can only imagine how uncomfortable he must be feeling. It almost makes her smile.

Her dad leans against the sofa and shrugs, "Well, then you can kiss your trip to your friends goodbye."

She stops in the middle of the thin hallway leading to her bedroom. "What?" She cries, "Da, come on. It's one test."

"A deal's a deal, Sinéad," he says and Seri knows there's no point picking a fight. Her face grows warmer. The smugness that was washing over her seconds ago is replaced by embarrassment because Taeoh, while hunched over the papers her uncle slid towards him, is still listening. "Anyway," her dad pushes himself off the sofa and exclaims happily, "I'll get started on dinner. Han Taeoh, you should stay. I'm a great cook."

Before Taeoh even has the time to consider the offer, Seri lets out a loud scoff. "That's not fair!" She slouches her shoulders and storms to her room, slamming the door behind her. She throws herself on her bed and buries her face in her pillow when she hears her father apologise about her to Taeoh.

"Dickhead…" she mutters, feeling like a fool and imagining him laughing at her.

•✧•

When she does visit Suah, it's immediately after she takes the CSAT. Suah, despite her growing size, cooks up a feast for her that they eat at the picnic table in their lovely backyard. Daeyang gets the grill going, passing Seri a glass of whiskey along the way.

"Really," Suah scolds him, groaning as she sits next to Daeyang, "She only turned legal a few days ago." Her birthday had been unbearably uneventful but she'd had her first drink with her dad. Her friends and family from home had mailed her presents that were yet to arrive. Inha had gotten her a four-leafed clover pendant that she had rolled her eyes at yet worn immediately, refusing to take it off even while showering.

Daeyang shrugs, handsome and tired from running one of his father's branch companies, "She's Irish."

"I've been drinking since I was fourteen if that helps," Seri adds cheekily.

They slide her the ultrasound scan sometime in between drinks and, drunk as she is, Seri explodes into sobs of how happy and excited she is and how beautiful the baby is. The parents-to-be laugh. Daeyang thumps her on the back. He places the grilled meat over Seri's rice bowl that his wife refilled. "You know," he says, "Suah and I picked a name for the baby after you." Her eyes brighten. "On one condition," he adds.

Seri places her hands over his and Suah's. "Anything," she says seriously.

As always, Suah can't drag the suspense and blurts, "We'd like you to be the godmother."

"Yes," she nods.

"I know you're too young so you can always say no," Suah continues, "Don't think that because it's me, you can't reject me. There aren't any responsibilities, obviously, because this is more of a sentimental thing. We've grown up together and you're the only one I can think of—"

She cuts her off with a laugh. "Unnie," Seri calls her for the first time in the years they've known each other, "I said yes."

Suah blinks. Her eyes are glassy and she's never looked happier. "Good," she clutches Seri's hand, her voice shaking, "That's good."

•✧•

The next day, a very hungover Seri stumbles through Seoul in search of Kang Inha's new abode. He's moved here immediately after their CSATs and invited her over because, according to him, she'll be leaving soon so she should at least see his new home. Seri rechecks the bottle of Glenfiddich she brought him as a housewarming gift—something her father parted with very, very reluctantly—and rings the doorbell of the grand villa. She glances up at the rest of the building, marvelling at the insane amount of money it must've cost and how ridiculous it is for one person to live in such a huge space just because it's close to the university.

The door opens when she's still staring up at the terrace space. "Hey. Sorry, I'm just super hungov—" It's Han Taeoh. Han Taeoh has opened the door and is now mirroring her baffled expression. "Oh, for feck's sake," she scowls and pushes past him. "Why are you everywhere?"

The house is white and spacious and straight out of the dramas where rich boys with daddy issues live. Inha is standing on the staircase in the living room, massaging the bridge of his nose. "Can't you two ever get along?" He whines.

"I'm not the one throwing a tantrum," Taeoh says flatly, shuffling to the box of textbooks he was unpacking in the hallway.

It's an entire day of the three of them trying to set up the house. Ideally, Inha should have people for that but according to him, it is a fun bonding moment and who knows, maybe she and Taeoh could learn to get along before she flies back to Ireland. Taeoh rolls his eyes and Seri scoffs loudly. Inha lets out a dejected sigh but leaves it at that.

Over dinner and drinks (Inha insists on opening the scotch she got him, saying that they deserve the drink. The boys flinch miserably at the first sip.), Inha tells her that Taeoh's still waiting for the results before moving to the city. When it's time to bid each other goodbye, Seri and Inha embrace each other tightly. Inha makes her promise to call or write or both, and to visit when she becomes a hotshot doctor. "Promise me that you'll visit too," she buries her face in the crook of his neck, "when you both have fulfilled your dreams and you become a hotshot capitalist." He laughs but he doesn't let go.

Seri wonders whether she should say it. Maybe she should take the risk of kissing him. Just once. But she doesn't. Seri takes a step back. She ignores his fingers lingering against hers and gently brushes his hair out of his forehead. "Be good," she tells him, "and don't cause trouble, okay?"

Outside, on the lawn, Taeoh waits with an impassive look on his face, giving them privacy. He raises a hand to say bye to Inha when they step out. "I'll call you," he says and leaves first.

Inha stays, waving at him and Seri, and loudly warns them both to not kill the other.

Neither Seri nor Inha stay in touch for the next five years.

•✧•

They take the train back together as, unfortunately, they have booked the same one heading to Maju. The trip worsens from there. The train is crowded, but Seri and Taeoh find seats with at least 10 metres between them. The air-conditioning isn't working and it's stuffy until Taeoh manages to wedge one of the windows open and gets hailed as the train's hero.

The cold breeze against her comfortably warm scarf makes Seri drowsy. She sets an alarm on her phone to ring ten minutes before they're supposed to reach Maju but somehow, as she sleeps, her phone's battery deteriorates to zero.

When she wakes with a start, interrupting the raunchy dream that definitely does not involve the boy she'd gotten on the train with, she finds that they passed Maju hours ago. The train was a few minutes away from its last destination for the night.

Panicked, Seri frantically searches the now sparsely populated coach. An immense wave of relief washes over her when she sees the back of Taeoh's head leaning against the window. He fell asleep as well. She saunters up to him, a little happy that she won't be suffering alone. "Hey," Seri taps his shoulder impatiently, "Hey, wake up."

He jerks awake. A light sleeper. Of course. She should've known. It takes Taeoh half a second to become fully conscious. "Are we still on the train?" he asks, perturbed.

"Passed Maju a couple of hours ago," she tells him.

He darts up to his feet, grabs his bag from the overhead bin, and ducks out of the coach and into the entrance area. Seri follows close, her own bag hanging over her back. Through the small window on the door, they see the train pulling up on a dimly lit platform. "Can't you call your uncle?" he asks.

"My phone's dead." It might as well be used as a paperweight at how quickly it runs out of battery and how often it freezes.

The station is dark. The platform's almost fallen into disrepair. In the tiny building with a flickering lightbulb, there are two benches—one occupied by a sleeping figure—and a ticket booth. The bored woman behind the booth tells Seri that the last train left ten minutes ago. "What about buses?" Taeoh leans obnoxiously close to Seri, forcing her out of the way, and asks through the window, "There must be a late-night bus."

The woman drags out a sigh and checks on her computer. "The last bus…" she drones, "leaves in three minutes." Taeoh's eyes widen in mild relief. "But the bus station is fifteen minutes away."

"Great," Seri exclaims. Then, she asks Taeoh, "What about a taxi? We could split the fare."

"They don't go to Maju," the woman answers instead. Her flat tone gets on both of their nerves. "I'd suggest a motel for the night and then the first train at dawn."

They don't have many options and end up agreeing. The woman directs them to what is obviously a family business. They take turns emphasising that, though they don't have enough money for two rooms, they want one room with two beds. The old man behind the counter strains his ears, takes their money, nods and slides them a key.

"I think he was deaf," Seri says when they stand in front of the single bed.

Taeoh looks like he's passed out with his eyes open. Sucking in a deep breath, he places his bag on an armchair. "I'll go talk to him," he says. He returns less than two minutes later, brows knit together because the old man had disappeared. They stare at the bed in horrified silence. There's no carpet, no spare pillow or sheets, and the chair's not big enough for either of them.

For a moment, Seri considers staking a claim on the bed. But they've split the money for the room and unlike her who gets pocket money from her father, Taeoh works multiple part-times to earn his keep. "I hate being poor," she mumbles, taking her shoes off.

"What?" Taeoh looks utterly confused.

"Did you think I came from money because I'm from a white man's country?" She asks sarcastically. "Sleep on the other side and keep your elbows to yourself. If you try something funny, I will kill you."

He shakes his head, "It's fine. I'll sleep in the bathtub or something."

"No," she makes a face, appalled, "That's disgusting. Now, you take your shoes off as well before I change my mind."

They sleep with their backs to each other. Obviously. Taeoh's too tall for the bed. She can feel him trying to fold his legs all the while avoiding kicking her shins. It's not too uncomfortable, sleeping in jeans, but it is annoying because Taeoh keeps shifting. "Stop it," Seri barks, fed up with his antsiness.

"There's no space," he says, gritting his teeth.

"Well, I'm not exactly spread out here either so deal with it. I've given you as much space as I can without falling off."

There's a noise from the back of his throat. Suddenly, Seri feels the covers get pulled away, leaving her cold. "Hey!" She snaps and blindly reaches for them, smacking Taeoh on the waist in the process. "Grow the fuck up."

"It was an accident."

He shifts and tries to cover his shoulder with the sheets again. This time, Seri tugs at the covers angrily. The force propels her forward, sending her tumbling off the bed in disgrace. Her limbs get entangled in the sheets and her face burns with embarrassment as she struggles to pull herself together. She expects a snide remark from Taeoh but he sits up on the mattress, assessing the situation.

He inches close and extends a hand to help her. But this time, Seri loses her footing and stumbles into him with a yelp. For a fleeting moment, time stands still as they find themselves locked in a tangled embrace, their breaths mingling in the space between them. Seri's fingers instinctively curl around Taeoh's forearm, her touch sending a shiver down his spine as he fights to maintain his composure.

Maybe she imagines that the air crackles with anticipation, the tension between them reaching a fever pitch as they teeter on the edge of something unknown and exhilarating. Maybe she watches too many romantic shows.

But just as quickly as it began, the moment is shattered as they pull away, the spell breaking at the sound of a car honking as it drives by. With a shaky breath, Seri shifts back, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she attempts to compose herself.

Taeoh runs a hand through his dishevelled hair, his eyes betraying a hint of fluster beneath their steely exterior.

"Let's just sleep," Seri says in a voice that's too painfully shy. She berates herself for sounding like that.

They lie closer this time and she locks eyes with him, daring him to make a comment. Taeoh's gaze rakes over her—forehead, nose, and mouth. He looks back at her and something unreadable passes over him. He adjusts the covers over himself and closes his eyes.

Sleep doesn't come easy to either of them. Their discomfort is as evident as their reluctance to move a muscle. However, Seri does fall asleep.

Only to wake up to a head full of hair in her face and the unmistakable evidence of Han Taeoh's arousal pressing against her thigh. Seri freezes, not knowing how to react. When she tries to slither out of the unconscious hold he has on her, Taeoh blearily opens his eyes. She waits until he becomes aware of the position they're in and turns into a statue. "Hey," she says, monotonous and loud, "Move away from me or I'll rip your hair out."

Taeoh doesn't need the threat to scamper away and sit up with his back to her. He doesn't look back and instead, grabs his bag and takes refuge in the small bathroom. Seri slaps her palms over her eyes, calming herself. Two minutes later, she's banging her fist on the bathroom door, exclaiming that she needs to brush her teeth and leave.

Taeoh reluctantly lets her in and still doesn't meet her eyes. They have no choice but to use the sink side by side. Seri stares at his reflection, at how cherry-faced he's become, and how he seems to be taking his frustration out on his teeth. A bubble of laughter makes its way up Seri's throat but she smothers it. Taeoh can be adorable, sure, but there's no way she's letting him know that.

"Don't look so destroyed," Seri tells him, wiping her mouth on her sleeve, "I'm just glad you didn't ask me to help you with your little problem."

He chokes on the toothpaste but she's gone before he can hurl curses at her. They see each other at the railway station on different ends of the platform. Seri sees him get off in Maju. She's pretty sure he's seen her too. But he takes the path down the abandoned railroad and she walks the long way home.

Off-handedly, she wonders whether he's still plagued by thoughts of their bodies pressed tight together like she is.

•✧•

Seri doesn't tell her family that she spent a night at the motel with a boy, sleeping in the same bed as him. Not that it's too scandalous. Her uncle might faint while her dad might give her the same 'safe sex' lecture he and her mother forced on her when she turned fifteen. She forgets about it until several weeks later, Taeoh stands on her doorstep on New Year's Eve, with his school bag in hand and she's forced to turn her music system off.

"What are you doing here?" Seri narrows her eyes and tries to recall whether she owes him money.

"Your uncle," he says disconnectedly, "The papers." He seems to have gotten over his problem of making eye contact with her but the nagging feeling in her bones tells her that their night together at the motel still flashes across his innocent eyes every now and then.

"My uncle's in Busan with my dad," Seri tells him, "Visiting my aunt."

The phone rings from the living room. Taeoh silently follows her in. Her uncle must be a wizard or something to know the exact time to call home. "How did you know he's here?" Seri asks with apparent surprise.

"He's very punctual," her uncle says, "Listen, I'll speak to him in a bit but I'm supposed to pay him for this month. I forgot to tell him that I won't be at home but I've kept the money on the shelf above your bed."

"When did you do that?"

"You sleep like the dead, Seri. Anyway, it's just a few more answer scripts to be scored. They're in my office." Seri closes her eyes and mumbles a curse. She was hoping to nick the rum her dad and uncle hid under the kitchen sink to have her own wee celebration.

She holds out the phone to Taeoh. "My uncle wants to talk to you."

Their fingers brush and it hits her that it's just the two of them again. Taeoh answers the phone politely, nodding and bowing as if her uncle can see him. Seri walks backwards until her hands touch the edge of the cabinet. She leans against it, eyes tracing the sharp slant of Taeoh's jaw and the way his Adam's apple bobs up and down.

Seri's deaf to whatever he's saying to her uncle but hears her heartbeat echo around the room crystal clear when Han Taeoh smiles. Should she play her cards right and start the new year rolling around with him under her sheets or should she just throw the whole game away and move on?

She's taken under a trance. Her mind floats away while listening to Taeoh's kind and gentle voice on the phone. Seri traces the base of her neck with her fingertips. Sullenly, she drags them up to her mouth—a silky move to flirt with men that her friends taught her but it's turned into something she does when she's deep in thought. Seri tunes back to the conversation only to hear that it's being wrapped up. She lifts her head and Taeoh's looking right at her. He's seen, she thinks, the way her fingertips danced across the red of her lower lip.

Does he see her as a whole or does he focus on body parts, like her face or her legs? Or does he study every twitch of her limbs? To predict her next step because she questioned his credibility and he's taken it as a challenge?

The telephone slides down Taeoh's ear and he holds it up limply. Seri's mouth cannot form the words 'Right behind you'. So she retraces her steps and takes the receiver and leans closer to keep it in its place. It's quite obvious that Taeoh has stopped breathing from the proximity. She can hear it. Even when he breathes quietly, she can feel the air around him shift.

He smells pleasant. Like fresh laundry. And the fabric softener she knew was on sale a few weeks ago because she and her uncle fought over brand loyalty versus taking risks by trying new commodities.

"I'll have you," she blurts then frantically corrects herself, "Bring you, I mean. I'll bring you the stuff—things that uncle left for you. The papers are in the office. It's the second door on the first floor. Feel free to sit wherever you want to work. Or you can just take them home and celebrate New Year's with Inha or something."

"I can't take the papers home," he says like she's stupid.

Seri shrugs, "Okay. Suffer in my company."

"I don't think I need your company." His glare hardens.

"I gave you the choice, buddy," she retorts sarcastically, "Go home and enjoy your solitude or stay here in my presence and watch cricket replays with me. You chose me."

She imagines him thwacking her on the head with a fist and her springing back up like an accordion. "Circumstances forced me to tolerate you when you're the most intolerable," he says like every word is being wrenched out of his teeth.

"It's a gift that keeps drawing you to me." She needs to stop flirting but the growing aggravation on his face makes it too fun to stop. Maybe this is what Inha meant.

Taeoh scoffs, but there's a flicker of something in his eyes, a hint of uncertainty beneath his outward bravado. "Don't flatter yourself," he shoots back, "You're not that irresistible."

Seri's lips curl into a sly smile. "So you say, Han Taeoh," she teases, drawing away, "I know how you want this evening to end. I felt it back then, at the motel." The corner of his mouth twitches. Seri's not one to sashay but the exhilaration that comes from having him watch her makes her glide down the corridor. "I'll be right back," she throws over her shoulder, beaming at the crimson glow Taeoh's ears emit.

•✧•

Taeoh's heart continues to beat listlessly against his ribcage even after he's retrieved the papers. Hands on the table top, he tries to bring it under control but he's too out of breath to think straight. He can feel the heat rising in his cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and something else he dares not name.

He thought he was better. He knows he's better. He just needs to train his patience more stringently. Fine, he decides. If Seri wants him gone, he'll leave. It's unlikely they'll ever see each other again after tonight. From what her uncle has told him, she plans on flying home by the end of January. That's perfectly fine. Taeoh would've moved to Seoul by then. He'd never have to waste his precious time thinking about Kim Seri and the obscenities she has filled his life with.

Taeoh doesn't spare another doubt before throwing the door open. He'll take his pay and walk right out of the door. That's all he needs to do. But Seri's bed is right next to the door and its sudden opening startles the life out of her.

Standing on the mattress, searching for the money her uncle had left her on the shelf, Seri loses her balance and flails her arms. Taeoh moves before he thinks. She falls against him and his arms are around her, feet fixated on the ground to hold her upright.

This is the third time. Twice they've been this close to each other and this is the third. The room is too hot. Or maybe it's just him. His arm is clinging to the curve of her hip while the other is across her back, pressing her chest to his. Seri stills very dangerously, mouth parted and slack in his grip. Then she exhales and glances down at his mouth.

That's all it takes.

Seri's teeth find his lower lip and Taeoh's fingers rake through her hair. She hisses in pain against his mouth. He takes this as an opportunity to slide his tongue over hers while hastily sitting her down on her bed and straddling her. Seri wrenches his sweatshirt over his head, tugging him towards her as she falls back on the mattress. When he tries to be gentle with her and her clothes, Seri kisses up his neck harshly.

"You're so fucking annoying," she gasps.

He unbuttons her jeans and pulls them off with surprising precision. "Shut the fuck up."

His body's ablaze in a way he never knew could happen. Taeoh's mind is clouded with a haze that stops him from considering the drawbacks of what he's doing. The extent of how much he likes this disgusts him. He mercilessly presses Seri into the mattress and enjoys the satisfaction that comes from hearing her whine and writhe pleadingly under him. His hand finds its way between her thighs while she's trying to slip her bra off and she bucks, letting out a soft cry that drives him up the wall. Her nails scrape down his chest. The sting makes him wince. In the brief pause, she manages to slip her fingers past his waistband. Seri grins widely at his groan and rolls them over.

There's roughness in the way he grabs her hips and how she moves around him. Taeoh pants noisily through this brand-new pleasure and the crudeness Seri shows him. She throws her head back at the same time as he arches, driving his head into the pillows. The second time, Seri's on her stomach and Taeoh puts his entire weight on her back, angrily pinning her in place because he remembers their argument at the wedding. She reaches over her shoulder, hooking an arm around his neck, and yanks him closer. He hates the thrill of hearing their loud gasps mixing into one and so he sinks his teeth into the beauty spot on the nape of her neck as punishment for testing his patience.

Seri cries out his name when they fuck the third time and he trembles all over. "Again," she pleads, much to his delight.

"Here?" he whispers.

"Yes."

She moans, louder this time, and in a rhythm that matches his stride. The cockiness on his face before he lowers his tongue to the swell of her breast makes her scowl. She holds him too close and meets him midway, rolling her hips into his. It's good. The groping, the clawing, the subtle cruelty between them. This is good. Taeoh thinks it's as close as she can get to being nice to him. His vision blurs, not for the first time, and his legs weaken as he collapses on top of her.

He's never been this exhausted before.

Half-formed words escape Seri's mouth. Taeoh laughs quietly, quaking over her, because it had taken a hate fuck to render her speechless. He pushes himself up on his knuckles to take a good look at her. Light brown hair is fanned across the pillow. Seri's eyes are barely open and she peeks up at him with the same indignation. Her lips are swollen and there are tear stains on her cheeks from the result of his harshness. Red and purple bruises, courtesy of his tongue, travel down her collarbone to her breasts. Taeoh should feel bad. But all he feels is gratification. His feelings towards her are too twisted. Too…fucked. And he doesn't try to fight them.

When Seri raises a hand, he thinks she's going to touch his face, that some sort of gentleness will follow that'll make them stow away their mutual hatred forever. She, however, pushes him aside, forcing him to lie between the wall and half over her. Folding and stretching a little, she reaches for the quilt and tugs it over them.

Taeoh doesn't know what to make of the silence. He doesn't know how to break it either. Did a part of him expect her to cuddle with him? God, he hoped not. Slowly, as the haze fades from his mind, he begins to acknowledge what a horrendous predicament he has found himself in. Taeoh turns to face the wall and stares at his hands, unable to recognize the person they belong to. He never, even in his wildest dreams, pictured himself to do something like this.

He closes his eyes and controls his breathing. No. He most certainly thought of fucking Kim Seri but never expected it to actually become true. Taeoh traces his lower lip, still feeling the prick of her teeth and tasting the sweetness of her tongue. No, no, no, no—

"Don't tell Inha."

Taeoh glances over his shoulder. Seri has her palms resting over the quilt. Her gaze fixates on the ceiling. "What?" He mumbles.

"Inha," she repeats, "Don't tell him."

He shifts, a sliver of irritation making its way up his body. "I don't intend to."

•✧•

Taeoh swears he fell asleep for ten minutes. When he wakes, the space next to him is cold. It's…mildly affronting but Seri doesn't owe it to him to stay. His muscles cry out in pain and he groans while sitting up. "She sure did a number on me," he mutters to himself. Almost like she hates him or something, he thinks sardonically.

Sluggishly gathering and pulling his clothes on, Taeoh glances around the room. There are photographs on the study desk; Two of the bride from the other day—Yeun Suah, he thinks—and Seri, as kids and teenagers. A blonde, blue-eyed lady with a round face with her arms around Seri and a young man Taeoh assumes is her brother. Her brother has light hair, like her, and blue eyes, like his mom. Seri's mother, not exactly full-figured but not slender either, looks like she's the warmest, most jolly person on this planet.

Taeoh moves on to the clippings Seri has pasted all over the window glass and the side of her bookshelves. They're bands and artists he has only heard of in passing. There's a poster of a cricketer called Niall O'Brien (he has no idea about the game). A small music system sits on the window sill that had been playing when he had walked in earlier that day. The copious books on medicine and human anatomy make Taeoh wonder whether Seri aims to be a doctor.

Her table has a few birthday cards. He unwittingly shuffles them around and finds, amidst several polaroids, a picture of Seri that he needs to pay close attention to recognize her. She's leaning casually against a low brick wall, one elbow resting over it, looking casually at the camera. Her long hair, dyed black, is in half a bun with a braid running down her. Her dark green blazer hangs over her shoulder and there's a cigarette between her lips. It's…not what Taeoh expects but it somehow suits her.

Something makes him pocket the polaroid while leaving the room.

He keeps it with him for years to come.

•✧•

When Taeoh walks out, Seri pretends to be busy. She points at the last of the answer sheets her uncle wants him to work on and then at the envelope of cash with his name on it. Taeoh stares momentarily at the thank you note her uncle has scribbled over it, only looking up when she makes the excuse of needing a shower.

He's still at the dining table, working diligently. They don't say a word to each other. Seri's legs are sore and Christ, she immensely enjoyed the sex. But she doesn't know where to go after this. She prays he's not the devout kind and hopes he knows it's not a big deal.

Taeoh doesn't acknowledge her arrival and Seri ignores him to shuffle through the pile of mail she already went through a dozen times when he was asleep. Then, he looks up very, very briefly and does a double-take.

"Is that Inha's jacket?" He asks, sounding, for some reason, like a confrontational boyfriend.

"Yeah." Seri clears her throat, "He gave it to me so that I didn't freeze on his bike when he drove me home."

Taeoh's eyebrow twitches. "Right," he says and goes back to the last of the papers.

Neither of them realise it's midnight until the fireworks start. Seri nearly leaps out of her skin at the racket they make because it sounds like a whole factory of them was on fire. "Jesus fucking Christ," she mutters, peering out of the living room windows at the lights in the sky, "That's him, isn't it? Inha's half-brother."

"Most likely," Taeoh answers curtly.

"Hmm." She leans her cheek against the backrest of the sofa, frowning at how flowers explode in the sky without a second's pause. "Thanks to him, I've seen them so many times that they've become boring. I saw fireworks from above once, you know?" She glances at Taeoh to find him looking at her intently. He raises a brow. "Night flights," she says, "Flew over celebrations a couple of times. Once for Paddy's Day. If you stand on top of a few castles back home, the fireworks will be under you. It was funny to me as a kid."

Taeoh leans back in his chair quietly. With a jerk, he begins to gather the papers in a pile. "Happy New Year," he says softly.

Seri can see the hickey she gave him peeping out from the collar of his hoodie. "You know this was a one-time thing, right?" She asks before adding a dubious 'or a three-time, I'm not sure'. "I don't like you like that. Or in any way."

He freezes for a fraction of a moment, then monotonously responds, "Yeah. You hate my guts, as I recall. That's fine. I'm not exactly fond of you either." His voice is taut and unwavering. Seri should feel bad. Maybe offended even. But what she feels towards him is a strange sense of longing. Nostalgia, probably. Like she already misses him before she's even left. For once, she doesn't stop her mind from suggesting that maybe she should walk over to him and make nice and sneak in a kiss or two while at it. Maybe she should've laid next to him longer instead of gasping to leave the room.

This time, when Taeoh meets Seri's gaze, he doesn't look away. The usual scorn and arrogance are absent from his eyes. Christ, his eyes are unforgivingly beautiful. It's almost offensive that anyone can be this good-looking. Seri turns back to the fireworks with a quiet laugh.

"Happy New Year, Han Taeoh."

•✧•

Chapter Text

Seri receives her third rejection letter from one of the many hospitals she's applied for an internship at. She doesn't give up hope. She knows that despite the nationality that doesn't quite match the descent of the name on her resume, there's some medical centre out there that's bound to accept her based purely on her grades.

She puts the envelope aside and calls out loud, head tilting towards the ceiling, "Alright, Han Taeri, ten more minutes and we'll be running behind!"

From the staircase, she hears a soft, "Mum, I can't tie my shoelaces."

"I'm not your mum," the twenty-three-year-old grumbles to herself before hastening to the girl. She's told Taeri to call her 'auntie' several times now but ever since she started pre-school, Taeri had been going around calling her 'mom'.

The five-year-old sits patiently on the stairs, her pink school bag resting beside her. Her two fishtail braids make her resemble Suah today. "I told you we should get the belcor shoes," she sighs like a grandmother.

"You mean velcro." Seri kisses the top of her head. "Okay. Breakfast and then school. Let's go."

The preschool is closer to Seri's university than it is to their house. After double-checking Taeri's shoelaces outside the gates and sending her off, Seri drives to Hankuk University's School of Medicine campus. She doesn't have classes today but she does need to study for her final exams for the semester. She spends fifteen minutes in the parking lot, answering calls from her family before making her way to the university's admin office.

The medical program Seri's a part of is international. It is also ridiculously small, considering how difficult it is to pass the language requirements on top of the regular requirements. Her batch has exactly four more students, one of whom dropped out after their third semester. They're all partly of Korean descent with an overambitious parent who wants them to become a doctor. Seri's just here because the universe decided to close every other door for her, sealing them shut.

Her friend finds her dragging her feet out of the admin office wearing a long face. "Did you get a study room?" Luis, who goes by Woosung, is half-Colombian and is aiming for Pediatrics. He's burly and brown-skinned, with a short, dark ponytail that matches Seri's and is two inches taller than her, which isn't much, to begin with.

"No." She misses the first semester when her dad would take care of Taeri so she could spend time dressing up for class and finding cute cafes to study at with her friends. They just don't have the time now. Her life revolves around her ward. Seri's been wearing the same three graphic t-shirts tucked into the same black culottes in rotation because they're the easiest and most comfortable outfit she can come up with. "They said they have a free room on the Business School's campus. I checked the maps. It's a fifteen-minute drive."

He sags dramatically in his red hoodie. "Beggars can't be choosers, I suppose," he grumbles and switches to English. "Alright. I'll let the girls know."

•✧•

When she had first joined Hankuk, (the only university that would accept her from the hundred emails she wrote), Seri had been relieved at how far the Business School and the School of Medicine were from each other. After all the theatrics she had done about wanting to leave, she couldn't run into Inha who'd definitely gloat and say something stupid along the lines of 'I knew it. Your love made you follow me here'.

Seri most certainly did not want to run into Han Taeoh even by accident.

So she kept her ear close to the ground, kept in touch with her uncle who kindly offered to look after Seri on days when she had too much to do, and followed the track of Taeoh's life while being completely absent from his. She knows his schedule, where he buys dinner from when he doesn't have the energy to cook, which hagwon he teaches at, what his hours are, and the construction site he works at when his classes end before noon. Sometime around the end of her second year, Seri had the sudden epiphany that maybe she was behaving like a stalker.

"Nah," she had scoffed, "I can't be because I'm going out of my way to avoid him."

In four years, Seri has not once encountered the boys or even seen their shadow, thanks to her efforts.

•✧•

The faint music jolts Taeoh awake. It's half past midnight. He's not one to fall asleep at the study table but he's been working on multiple projects and proposals simultaneously, along with the part-time jobs. He assumes he can always sleep later but these days, sleep barges in whenever he's by himself.

Taeoh wipes the corner of his mouth and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. The music is so faint he thinks he's imagined or dreamt it. But it's coming from the study room next to his. Taeoh tries to work through the noise. He's used to distractions and he's trained himself to exercise razor-sharp focus. But there's something about the song being played that demands his attention. He's heard it before. He reluctantly leaves his seat and slips out of the door. The walls separating the study rooms are thick and nearly soundproof. It's the wall with the door that's transparent. Taeoh stands outside, in the sparse lighting, because it's late and midterm season has come to an end at his department. He raises a fist to knock and freezes.

Either it's Kim Seri or his severe sleep-deprivation is making him see things he had stopped seeing four years ago.

Her head is hanging off the backrest while she stares at the ceiling in a trance. Her bare feet are up on the table, with a pile of large textbooks sitting on one side. It's her phone that's playing music and Taeoh remembers this as the song she was playing on the New Year's Eve they shared together. The song ends, consecutively followed by another that starts off with strong drums and an even louder guitar. Kim Seri shakes her foot to the beat, hands clasped over her abdomen, but she doesn't look away from the ceiling. There are notes and scrap papers scattered around her. A white coat draped over the second, unused chair. Her shoes are set aside near the table

Taeoh doesn't know if she's real. And he doesn't want to. Before Seri can look up and find him staring at her like a creepy stalker, he returns to his cubicle. He sits with the light turned off, pondering. Sleep and exhaustion still lurk in the corners of his body and that's who Taeoh blames. No, he didn't see Kim Seri in the study room next to his. No, this is different from how he used to think he saw her smoking by the railway tracks or putting the laundry out to dry or leaving the convenience store and disappearing around the bend. Those were definitely hallucinations. This one is just too real.

Taeoh sits in the darkness for a moment longer before pushing himself to move past it. Before he can turn on the lamp, someone knocks.

It's Kim Seri, real and very much there.

She cups her hands around her eyes while peering in through the glass wall. "Excuse me." She can't see it's him in the darkness. "Is anyone here? Sorry if the music bothered you. I didn't know anyone was here."

Taeoh doesn't dare to breathe. It's her, in a sleeveless cropped shirt and her multiple piercings and her light brown hair. He sits like a statue, waiting for the storm to pass.

It shouldn't be such a big deal. Taeoh thinks he can handle confrontation with her. Confrontation about what, exactly? How could you sleep with me and pretend that I don't exist? It had pissed him off, of course. Though he had agreed to not talk about it, the few times Seri had seen Taeoh in Maju, she had ignored him or seen right through him. At the very least, she should've had the decency to be civil with him.

But for some bizarre reason, Taeoh cannot bring himself to go up to her. His body refuses to cooperate with logic. Like it always did back in Maju.

Taeoh watches her knock again. She tilts her head, confused because she sees a silhouette but it makes no effort to acknowledge her. With a shudder, she pulls away. "Okay," she says to herself, "Not my problem. It's a sign I should get out of here."

She returns, gathers her things, turns off the light and leaves. Her footsteps echo through the library and stay long after she's left and Taeoh's managed to turn his table lamp on. The sound haunts him all the way back to his apartment, invading his room and turning his peace of mind upside down. He almost believes that the polaroid he's hidden amidst his belongings is possessed because it won't. Stop. Pulsating.

Han Taeoh loses sleep over Kim Seri for the first time in the past five years because, once again, just a peep at her ignited the fury in him that he thought he had grown out of.

•✧•

He sees her with her friends and/or classmates the next day. They stay in the same study room and leave before her. She puts on music—some alt-rock song that he cannot place because to him, all the songs in this genre sound the same—and puts up her feet. This time, she leaves by 5PM, answering her phone on her way out. "Yes, love, I won't take too long," she smiles and breaks into a rushed sprint.

Taeoh waits for Inha to mention her. But he doesn't. Taeoh doesn't know how to bring her up without sounding suspicious either. What if Inha begins to question him and he blurts out something he's not supposed to?

He tears out the part of his brain that's hellbent on thinking about Kim Seri and wrenches the tracks of his thought back to his report. It's none of his business. What she's doing here, after gloating about escaping this country at the earliest possible opportunity, is none of Taeoh's business. He has a goal. He has a plan. And he needs to focus on every step of the plan so that he doesn't stumble.

•✧•

Seri has inherited the house Suah and Daeyang had moved in after their marriage. Temporarily, anyway, since she is Taeri's de jure guardian. Han Daeyang's parents had made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with the meagre assets their son had. In fact, they had agreed to fund their only granddaughter's education as long as they weren't forced to raise her. Daeyang's mother, however, had taken one look at Taeri (barely a few days old) and amended her decision, stating that the girl would spend some time with her grandparents every few months. Whether it was out of affection or duty, Seri didn't care but she welcomed it all the same.

The neighbourhood was very welcoming to her shift. It was the only good thing that had happened to Seri in a long time. They were a small, tight-knit community with a growing immigrant population who had a soft spot for the young parents-to-be who had tragically died apart on the same day. The people had done their part in expressing their grief and fondness by helping Seri and her father raise Han Taeri.

"How's my favourite granddaughter?" Seri's father, who's back in Dublin to see her mother and his wife, is on speakerphone. "I heard your mom forgot to pick you up from school?"

Seri mutters to herself at the word 'mom' and stabs the potatoes too harshly. She doesn't want her dad to encourage Taeri about this. The sooner she understands the difference between a 'mom' and a 'legal guardian', the easier their lives will become.

Taeri doesn't look up from her cursive writing book as she answers, "She wasn't that late. I managed to finish one of my homework. Now I'm doing the loopy writing for English."

"Oh, good job! You're already on cursive? You know how long it took your mom and your uncle to get there?"

She pauses and peers curiously at the phone. "Really?" She asks, excitedly.

"Yeah! It took me and your gran even longer."

Seri picks up the phone, takes it off speaker, and presses it to her ear. "I wish you didn't do that," she murmurs in Irish, knowing that Taeri would pick up on broken English words and string them together to understand the conversation. "She won't stop calling me that once she grows older."

"She's feeling left out because of the kids at school," her father answers kindly in English, "She knows you're not her real mother. It's already difficult for her to come to terms with not being from what society calls a normal family. Let's not break her heart further, Nade. You can always have this conversation when she's older."

Seri bites her tongue until it bleeds. But what if that breaks her heart worse?

•✧•

Taeoh goes to the library late in the evening, knowing that Seri's supposed to have left an hour ago. He's come to terms with her being real and still hasn't told Inha about it.

He pushes past the glass doors and makes his way to the wide staircase, rummaging through his pockets for the keys to the study room. It's a little crowded today due to it being the middle of the week. Taeoh recognizes a few of his classmates, none of them impressive enough to have their names remembered by him. He takes one step up the staircase only to freeze.

At the top of the stairs, Kim Seri is staring down at him. One hand on the railing, she gapes at him with her lips slightly parted.

What is he supposed to do? Should he raise a hand and wave? Should he say hi? Ask how she's doing? Catch up? Or just nod and walk past her? Taeoh could ask about her uncle—

Seri's expression morphs into one of disgust. She scowls at him, deeply, fiercely, like her day just got worse.

Nevermind.

Taeoh turns right around and leaves.

•✧•

Inha snorts cola out of his nose when Seri keeps her books down on the picnic table he's occupying. He coughs and wheezes and thumps his chest. Seri grimaces and hands him a handkerchief to wipe his mouth and the front of his shirt. "Good to see you too," she says dryly. It's good that this was Inha's reaction. It meant that Taeoh hadn't babbled to him about her. "How are you?"

"What—" he gasps, "How—when—you—"

"School of Medicine, international program. Had to apply because of…of an emergency. I'm in my fourth year," she answers systematically, "What's up with you?"

Inha stares at her longer, flustering her. Then, he touches her cheek. Seri instantaneously smacks his hand away. "Hey, man, don't be weird about this."

"Weird about this?" He echoes, appalled, "You can't just fall out of the sky and not expect me to be surprised!"

"I didn't drop out of the sky."

He holds her gaze, eyebrows going slant, and looks at her with the familiar fondness that she had thought of now and then in the five years she spent being this close to him. "Why didn't you call me?" He asks softly.

"Why didn't you?" Seri retorts.

Inha doesn't have an answer. Of course, she didn't have the answer to his question either. It was just…too complicated to stay in touch. Seri had gone through a lot. With her limited time split between Taeri and university, she couldn't really keep up with a lot of her friends.

"All the same," Seri pats Inha's back and begins to get up because she can see Taeoh has spotted them from across the quad, "I'm really glad to see you. I should get going. I can see I'm not exactly welcome."

"What…?" Inha frowns in confusion and looks over his shoulder. He groans melodramatically as Taeoh takes purposeful strides towards them. "Really!?" Inha exclaims only to find Seri power-walking away, "You guys are still going to act like this? It's been five years!"

He receives a dry laugh from Seri and a scoff from Taeoh that makes him slump against his friend once he sits down in the newly abandoned space next to him.

"It's like nothing has changed."

•✧•

Inha finds her in the library when she's with her friends. He invites himself to their table by placing his books next to Seri's and sitting beside her. "Hi," he smiles widely with his eyes closed, "I'm Seri's childhood friend."

"Not childhood friends," Seri explains quickly in English, "We lived in the same village for a while, five years ago, and became friends."

"We're very close," he says, contradicting her.

"No."

"But not close enough that she kept in touch with me," he wrinkles his nose at her.

Seri rolls her eyes, "Give it a rest."

Her friends haven't had a chance to respond. They watch as Inha bumps his shoulder playfully against Seri, chiding her that she should introduce them to him. With a sigh that she usually heaves around Taeri, she gestures, "This is Luis, Zara, and Payal. Or Woosung, Zara, and Yebin."

In unison, they wave at him. Zara offers a brief smile, though it didn't quite match the enthusiasm of the others. Seri doesn't fault her for it; they're all ridiculously stressed about the upcoming oral exam, none more so than Zara. Luis points at each of them individually, informing Inha about their respective nationalities. While Zara does look part-Egyptian, with her light eyes, brown skin and curly hair, Yebin has no stereotypical features that indicate that her dad is Indian.

Inha frowns in confusion and comments, "Oh, you don't look Indian at all."

This isn't the first time Yebin's heard this but she answers with patience, "I do, actually. I'm from the north-east."

He's still puzzled but she doesn't explain further. Seri digs her elbow into Inha's side, making him jolt. "What do you want?" She asks, not unkindly.

"Have dinner with me," he says without hesitating, "It's been a long time. We need to catch up." They do. But Seri's schedule is ridiculously hectic. Not to mention, Taeri's preschool has that parent-teacher meeting thing coming up. Inha senses a 'no' and nuzzles his forehead against her arm, acting cute. "You can't say no," he whines, "It's been five years. Come on. Just one evening."

Seri leans away from him, embarrassed. "Okay, okay," she says hurriedly, desperate for him to cut out his theatrics. Her friends are still watching. "I'll check my schedule and let you know."

He peers into her phone as she slides to unlock and opens up the calendar. "Who's that?" Inha asks, referring to her wallpaper. She freezes because it's a picture of Taeri from her third birthday and he doesn't know of her existence. "Oh, is that your niece? She's cute. Aww," he leans closer, "I see the similarities."

Seri casts a quick glance at her friends, all of whom are staring at her confused. She should tell Inha about Taeri but somehow, the words just don't come out. With a subtle shake of her head towards her friends—to warn them from talking—she says to Inha, "Yeah, that's my niece. Anyway, I'm free on these days. For these, I can spare time during lunch. Weekends, I'm relatively busy as well because I'm looking for internships and…"

•✧•

Inha invites Seri for breakfast but the address he texts her is a short drive away. She double-checks Taeri's new velcro sneakers and drops her off at school with a sound kiss on her forehead before heading to the address. The neighbourhood is mildly shabby but she shouldn't comment because her own area is narrow and noisier.

Seri climbs up the stairs to the one-room apartment, phone pressed to her ear. "Did you get cut off?" She asks Inha as she stares up at the apartment from the landing, "Or did you finally acknowledge the value of money?"

"Did you bring a present like I told you to?" He asks instead. She can hear him from inside the house. A chair screeches.

"I didn't." Before he can throw a whiny tantrum, she explains, "So I cooked side dishes instead. Sorry, I was busy." Busy doing Taeri's art project while memorising radiological patterns associated with diseases.

The door flies open and Inha appears, phone in hand. He makes a show of hanging up and fussily ushers Seri inside. "Seriously," she shrugs him off before one of them accidentally trips and breaks their jaw, "whose place is this? What the—" She trails off at the chef hunched over the kitchen station. He's finished packing up his things and they shuffle aside to let him pass. Seri sets the food she brought on the crowded table (is that sushi—?) and looks around the cramped space. "Do you stay here?" She asks, eyeing the clothes drying on the wall and the chairs at the other end of the room. "What happened to the cushy villa?"

Inha has his back to her and she can't see what he's fiddling with in the kitchen station. "I don't stay here," he says.

"What?"

Seri accidentally bumps into one of the chairs when she turns. She bends to pick up the clothes in a hurry. "You couldn't find a better place to hang your…under…pants…?"

Several things happen at once.

Inha whirls around with a large birthday cake, exploding into song as he tries to keep the candles from going out. Seri, with the waistband of the underpants pinched between the thumb and forefinger, jolts because the bathroom door she missed opens. Damp head covered with a towel, Han Taeoh stares at her, then at Inha who doesn't catch the hint that he should stop singing, and then back at Seri.

"—py birthday my belovedbestfriendHanTaeoh—oh, shit, the candles—" Inha scampers to relight them as Seri and Taeoh continue to stare at each other.

Slowly, Seri holds out his pants to him. "Happy birthday?" She offers with a wide smile.

The smugness on her face breaks Taeoh out of the shock. A deep shade of red colours his face and he stumbles forward, nearly slipping in the process, and snatches his clothes from her. "What are you doing here?" He demands, irritated and embarrassed.

Inha shoves the cake in his face before Seri can reply. "Blow the candles!" He exclaims, vibrating with excitement.

With an angry, exaggerated huff, Taeoh blows out the candles and stuffs his pants under a heap of clothes on a side table. "Wha—noo," Inha's shoulders droop in disappointment and he stomps his foot, "A wish. You were supposed to make a wish."

Taeoh slumps into the chair by the dining table. Wearily, he glances at Seri again and says unemotively, "I wish for Kim Seri to disappear."

"I wish for Han Taeoh to fall off a cliff," Seri replies chirpily. She turns to Inha, the cheer morphing into a vicious scowl, "I'm leaving."

Inha sets the cake down and blocks her path. "Come on," he sulks, "It's his birthday. You have to be nice to him. It's the rule."

"I don't give a shit about the rules," Seri retorts in a tone that makes him realise she didn't appreciate his trick. Annoyance bubbles in her veins. She had rushed through her routine and chores for Inha, not this frigid fuck. It's disrespectful on his part because birthday be damned, Han Taeoh wasn't important enough for Seri to spend her off time in his company. "I might have forgiven you when we were kids," she hisses, "but you need to stop doing this. It's not cute anymore, Inha."

"It's not a big deal, Seri. Don't be mad—"

"Have fun." She slams the door on her way out.

•✧•

Kim Seri leaves Taeoh's mind the minute she storms out of his house. With an exasperated sigh, he sits down at the feast Inha has arranged for him. Twenty-four doesn't sound like a real age. After sulking for a few minutes, Inha piles up food on Taeoh's plate.

"Don't worry too much," Taeoh tells him, examining a shrimp roll before switching it with the side dishes instead, "It's like you said—just like the old times."

Inha murmurs something inaudible but Taeoh's too busy eating to pay attention. He's starving after working all night. "The japchae is good," he comments sincerely because it's unlike the unnecessarily expensive dishes Inha insists he try nor does it taste like the quick budget meals Taeoh has been cooking all his life. He can't remember the last time he's eaten anything that doesn't taste…stressful. "And the rest of the side dishes too. You've outdone yourself, Kang Inha."

He thinks the compliment would raise Inha's spirits. However, Inha cinches his brows and takes a closer look at Taeoh's plate. "Yeah," he nods thoughtfully, "The japchae wasn't on the menu."

He stops eating. "What?"

"Seri made those."

Taeoh's body reacts instinctively. He coughs, keeps his cutlery down, and pushes his plate away. No matter how much he enjoyed his meal, Taeoh is still petty enough to refuse it just because of that name. Unlike Seri, however, Inha doesn't entertain his little outburst. "I doubt she poisoned it," he sasses, "so eat. You got your wish, didn't you?"

"I got you something as well," Taeoh answers, reaching into his letterman jacket hanging on the chair next to him for the flashdrive.

•✧•

"Your child has demonstrated exceptional growth and development," Seri reads the report card under her breath, "...consistently displayed exemplary manners in their interactions with peers and adults. They exhibit kindness and empathy towards their classmates….remarkable progress both academically and socially…evident—bright future ahead."

Across her, Taeri diligently eats her bowl of bingsu. "See?" She says cheerfully, "I told you it's okay."

They sit by the windows of a neighbourhood cafe. Seri meticulously goes through the report card line by line while Taeri orders herself another round of raspberry lemonade. "No," Seri interrupts sharply, "That's enough sugar for today. Do you want your teeth to rot and fall out?"

"Today is treat day," Taeri protests, pouting adorably, and wrinkles her nose, "And it's compensation."

"Compensation?" Her eyebrows arch in surprise. "Who taught you that word?"

"I heard it from you when you were on the phone, and looked it up."

Seri smiles lovingly. The guilt in her chest worsens. Suah and Daeyang should be sitting in her place, tying their daughter's shoelaces and laughing over shaved ice. They should be dropping her at school and talking to her teachers and buying her the yellow fairy dress that she didn't have the money for. Taeri needs parents who can love and care and spend all their time with her. She deserves better than what Seri's immature self can offer. "I'm sorry," Seri says, "for missing the parent-teacher meeting."

Taeri shrugs casually. "It's fine." She scoops out the remnants of the shaved ice and eats it before it runs down her spoon. "You have to study a lot to save people so I don't mind. Mum, if I can't have the lemonade, can I get cheese sandwich instead?"

"I'm not your mother, Taeri."

The girl stills and sticks out her lower lip in thought. Abandoning her dessert, she picks at the small pocket on her pinafore dress and kicks her legs. Then, she asks, "Is that why you didn't come today? Because it's for parents?"

"No," Seri answers without hesitating, "I didn't come because I had an early morning interview."

"Like…a surprise test?"

"Yeah."

"How did it go?"

"I got the internship."

"So are you a doctor now?"

"Not yet. I have a few more years and hundreds of exams to go. Taeri," she leans closer to the table and gently tells her, "I'm not your mom. You can call me 'auntie' or 'unnie' instead."

When Taeri frowns, she looks like her mother. It breaks Seri's heart every time, so much so that she does her best to never upset the girl. "It doesn't matter," Taeri says, elbows on the table and her little fists against her cheeks, "I can call you mom or dad or uncle or my older sister but it doesn't matter. You're all of them and everything to me."

•✧•

Yebin finds Seri in the pathology section of their library, bent over a textbook she knows she's not reading. "Are you okay?" She asks, "Your face is red and swollen."

"Seasonal allergies," Seri sniffles. She's been crying for the past two days, replaying what Taeri said to her in the cafe. She tries to pull herself together, focuses on Yebin's silky straight hair or her cat eye makeup or the heavy earrings—anything that she can compliment to distract herself. But before she can get a word out, Yebin sighs.

"You don't have allergies," she chides softly, "You were the guinea pig during one of the practicals, remember?"

Seri waves it off and Yebin, the most empathetic one out of the friend group, doesn't press further. "I'm just really tired," Seri says, "You know, with the exams and the studying. It just never ends. Plus, I need to plan Taeri's birthday. Christ, I can't remember the last time I spent ten minutes doing nothing. With the internship, I'll be even worse off."

Yebin's eyes brighten and a half-formed congratulatory message leaves her tongue before Seri interrupts her. "It's so weird how they did the interview. They didn't even mention my grades or ask me anything relevant. I expected, like, a test or something but they asked me to come in on Monday. I spent most of the morning wondering whether it was a scam or not."

"Your life will be a lot easier, Nade," Yebin crosses her arms and sighs, "when you stop expecting the world to work according to you."

•✧•

Inha asks her for drinks once more but is more honest this time. He calls her just as she returns from a grocery run with Taeri and says that while Taeoh would be present, there's another person Inha wants to introduce to her. "She might feel left out if it's just us guys," Inha says.

"Okay." Seri appreciates the transparency this time. "When—"

"Great!" He screeches into the phone. Taeri, who's climbed up on a stool to hang her jacket, turns around with curiosity. She knows all of Seri's friends but has never heard his voice before. "I'll text you the address—"

"Wait, what? Now?"

There's rustling on the other end. "Yeah, I came to get Taeoh," Inha says, "He's super excited to see you."

Seri hears an irritated 'no, I'm not and don't tell her to come here again'. The fact that her presence would grate Taeoh's nerves urges her to say yes to the plan. But she has a kid to look after and a shift at the hospital the next day. Before she can refuse, Taeri pipes up and insists that she go. "I can have a sleepover at Grandma Fish's," she says.

Thirty minutes later, Seri finds herself parking her car outside Inha's apartment. It's vastly different from the last one she'd seen. It has more varieties of shades of white and twice the number of lamps and lights. She punches the code at the entrance and takes the elevator to the penthouse. Inha's already set everything up and what was labelled as a 'just a couple of drinks' on the call is actually a fancy rooftop dinner.

Inha shuffles up to her excitedly, slings an arm around her shoulder and leads her to the table. "This is Na Hyewon," he introduces the girl sitting at the right end of the table, "A new addition to our friend group."

The girl smiles awkwardly and Seri says a quick 'hi, nice to meet you'. She's pretty, has round eyes, and looks cute when she smiles. Once that's out of the way, Inha, still with his arm around Seri's neck, looks between her and Taeoh who is on the other end of the table. He refuses to acknowledge Seri's arrival and continues to stare across the rooftop, elbow on the table and knuckles against his mouth. Definitely deep in thought and troubled. With an aggravated sigh, Inha commands, "Say hi to each other."

"Hi," Seri deadpans.

"Hm," replies Taeoh, without so much as a twitch.

"Someday," Inha laughs humourlessly to himself as Na Hyewon glances at the two with genuine confusion, "Someday, you two will get along but I'll probably be long dead by then."

•✧•

Upon her insistence and Taeoh's relief, Kim Seri is seated next to Hyewon and far, far away from him. Taeoh twists his glass of wine, not really enjoying the taste, and stares soundlessly at the reflection on it. Under the terrace lights, Hyewon's image is distorted and barely visible on his glass. But he can make out the way she looks at Inha, understands that she's being polite when she turns him down and sees her discomfort when Inha continues his relentless flirting.

Each time, however, Inha's advances are thwarted by some sarcastic retort from Kim Seri. She eats little, like him and Hyewon, and criticises Inha's behaviour. "For fuck's sake—!" Taeoh hears her curse at Inha when he walks in on their conversation under the pretence of keeping the wine back. They've shrunk together in a corner of the kitchen, both scowling at each other. "You cannot be more tactless, Inha," Seri chides him.

"I wouldn't if you weren't so hellbent on pulling me apart in front of an audience," he grits his teeth.

They notice Taeoh by the terrace doors and straighten up, stepping away from each other. Seri tilts her head and whispers, somewhat audibly, "I'll stop if you stop whatever you're trying to do." She begins to help put things away, clearing the dishes and carrying them to the dishwasher.

Taeoh believes her to be out of earshot and strolls over to Inha's side. "Did you really have to keep hitting on Hyewon like that?" He hopes he doesn't sound jealous. The last thing he wants is to have problems with Inha over a girl. "She looked uncomfortable, Inha. You should've stopped."

He's glad that Inha doesn't take offence like he did with Seri. "Okay, then," he smiles to muffle his embarrassment, "I guess I was coming on too strong. I just wanted to be sincere about my feelings, you know?"

Something about the way he phrases it chips Taeoh's heart a little. A tiny, selfish part inside urges him to ask Inha to back off. Tell him that he's interested in Na Hyewon. That he's never met anybody in his life who understands him. Who can see and feel exactly what he's going through. He wants to explain the comfort he feels around her because he doesn't need to stifle his struggle and his grief nor does he need to put them in words because Hyewon knows.

"Last chance. If you like her, Taeoh, I'll step back."

And for the first time in his life, he feels that he's not alone.

But Taeoh hears himself say, "No, that's not why I said it. I'm not interested." His mind doesn't allow him to take the words back even if his heart wants to.

When it's time to leave, Inha offers to drive them home. Taeoh discreetly shares a look with Hyewon and refuses. She does the same. Seri says that she's already called a cab because she's too drunk to drive herself. She has an early morning shift at the Samsung Medical Center.

"Why did you choose that?" Inha asks, "I thought you'd apply to Kangoh."

Seri laughs like there's some secret joke only she knows. "I'd never work for Kangoh," she says knowingly. Taeoh catches her eye and his mildly tipsy brain reminds him of the New Year's Eve from five years ago. He sees her straddling him, feels her fingers pressed against his abdomen, and hears her moans loud and clear. She's still pretty but still not his type. At once, he turns away. In the few weeks since her reappearance in his life, they've barely interacted and Taeoh would love to keep it that way.

He nods to Inha and leaves without another word.

Taeoh and Hyewon head out in different directions only to meet at the same bus stop to go back together.

•✧•

Inha does ultimately drive Seri home because the taxi driver cancels after making her wait twenty minutes. She asks him to drop her two blocks away, making the excuse that she needs some last-minute groceries. By the time she unbuckles her seatbelt, he's already opening the car door for her.

"Eager to be rid of me?" She comments sarcastically, climbing out.

Inha looks around the neighbourhood. "How did you find an apartment here?" He asks, genuinely curious. "This is very suburban."

She knows what he actually wants to say. In the past few years, redevelopment has led to a steep increase in land and property costs in this area. Even the rent had gone up. And Inha knows Seri can't afford a place here on her internship stipend. Seri raises her shoulders, "Dunno. Just got lucky, I guess."

He doesn't look like he believes her. They lean against his car. "Today was nice," Seri says, "I'm glad you have other friends. I'd be worried if you only hung out with that jackass."

Inha doesn't fall for the jab she takes at Taeoh. Instead, he rolls his eyes. "We're friends too but you never seem to have time for me."

"Are we? Friends?" The humour disappears from his face. He hadn't once talked to her directly at dinner. Seri and Taeoh had chimed in now and then to fill the silence when Inha couldn't get further in his loud conversation with Hyewon. It felt like he had invited Seri to flaunt. "Goodnight, Inha."

Seri turns away. Inha's hand wraps around her wrist and he tugs her closer.

His hand is on her waist but his touch is so faint, barely brushing over her cardigan, that Seri doesn't believe that he's holding her. Her hand curls around his neck and they both lean towards each other. But their lips never touch because Inha forces restraint and Seri hasn't forgotten the way he was flirting with Hyewon.

She cradles Inha's cheek gently, remembering how seventeen-year-old Seri would've jumped at this chance. She strokes his cheekbone once and then taps it, slipping out of his hold.

"We both know you can't, Inha," she says kindly, "so let's just leave it at this."

"Seri."

She shakes her head, taking a step back. "I'm not going to fall for it," she laughs, angry and hurt and irritated at the same time. "Whatever it is that you're doing. I'm not going to fall for it."

Inha wears a calm facade, something she's familiar with because it's what had made her realise there was something off about him. "And what is it that I'm trying to do?" He asks, mildly amused.

Something about his arrogance makes her feel confident about her words. "I know what you and Han Taeoh are up to," she says, "and I don't want to be dragged into it. And Na Hyewon…I think I have an idea why you're after her." He doesn't move a muscle but the vacantness on his face sparks fear in Seri for the first time. The brief confidence she had felt for reading his behaviour to near perfection is gone. But she says it anyway. "I know you're only interested because Taeoh likes her."

His mouth curls into a mocking smile. "He hasn't said anything," he says innocently, "I gave him so many opportunities but he kept insisting he doesn't like her."

There's a pang in her chest. She's well aware of how Taeoh was forcing himself to not look at Na Hyewon. Seri decides to draw the line in her and Inha's relationship and labels her fondness for him irrational. She puts her arms around him, pulling him into a loose hug. "You're a shitty friend, Kang Inha," she sighs, resting her chin on his shoulder. He holds her by the waist again and leans into the embrace. "And I can't spare time caring about whatever's going on between you two and Na Hyewon. I have nothing to do with your aims and ambitions. So…"

She retracts and cups his face. Inha is pensieve but there's not an ounce of shame on him. His fingers graze her elbows. "Don't try to kiss me again," she warns softly, "Ever. There's nothing here anymore."

Inha swallows dryly and it's then that she sees guilt flicker in his eyes. It's there for the briefest moment. "Would you have loved me?" He asks. She's never heard him sound this hollow.

"I don't know," she replies honestly, "You're five years too late."

•✧•

Of course, Seri narrates this incident to her friends—both, in Donegal and at uni. Moira, her (real) childhood friend, and Zara, through some divine coincidence, give her the same solution.

"I think you need to get laid," Zara says, trying to memorise the Krebs Cycle for the fourth time while trying not to spill the seaweed soup in the cafeteria.

"Even Moira said the same," Seri groans, slouching in her chair, "She thinks the stress made me want to jump his bones."

Yebin doesn't bother participating in the conversation due to the discomfort the topic causes her. She listens quietly while Woosung uses their lunchtime to catch up on sleep.

"It's definitely the stress," Zara agrees, crossing her entire diagram and redrawing it on a new page, "How do you say phosphorylation in Korean again?" She receives the answer from all three of her friends. The girls don't bother addressing the fact that Woosung, who's supposed to be asleep, mumbles in unison too. Responding to questions while unconscious is a malady all of them have started to suffer since the start of their third year.

"But like I said," Zara continues, tucking a curly strand behind her ear, "it's definitely stress. I've heard of Kang Inha. He's some sort of a social butterfly around this campus. But he's also very…" She tries to find the right translation and fails. "He's very weasley."

"I think he's nice," Yebin contributes unhelpfully.

"You think everyone's nice. You know who's actually nice?" Zara asks rhetorically, "That quiet friend of his, Han Taeoh. Doesn't speak much but I had an elective with him for the sake of credits and he's surprisingly very helpful. The faculty really likes him. He and Kang Inha both have drastically different reputations. Positive but different. What?" She notices the fierce scowl on Seri's face. "You know him too?"

"He's a frigid fuck is what he is," she mumbles. Seri stretches and leans back, letting her head hang limply as she stares at the ceiling. "Sweet suffering Jesus, you might be right. Ugh," she presses her palms against her eyes harshly and sees stars, "Where can I find a man who'll sleep with me after knowing that I have a five-year-old daughter."

When Seri opens her eyes again, it's Han Taeoh's face instead of the ceiling that's looking down at her. She lets out a short yell, nearly leaping out of her skin. Her friends startle too and the cafeteria falls silent. Taeoh looks around, slightly embarrassed, before continuing to grimace. "What a terrible day to have eyes," Seri groans and twists in her seat, glaring at Taeoh, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Weirdo."

The look he wears suggests that he might dump his lunch tray on her head. "Maybe try not to lie across the cafeteria and bother people," he snaps. Before she can respond with a flurry of curses, Taeoh's expression smoothens to neutral and he says to Zara, "Everyone's meeting at the Social Sciences library at five today. Let me know if you can make it and I'll text you the address."

"Sure," Zara nods, "Thanks."

He leaves quietly and sits at the farthest table possible with his back to them. Seri quickly looks towards Zara and demands, "You're on texting terms with him?"

"I told you, same elective. Group project," she replies, "Honestly, Seri. How did you make such a nice guy dislike you so much?"

Inha joins Taeoh, interrupting Seri's telepathic attempts to stab the object of her ire in the back. He says something to Taeoh that she can't make out and looks up. He beams at her as if he hadn't tried to kiss her two nights ago and waves. Seri waves back with an awkward smile.

"Trust me," she mutters, "He started it."

•✧•

Seri lands a date the very next day. When their heads aren't tucked in their textbooks, the international students are quite sought after in the dating field just because they're foreigners. Rarely have any of them had serious relationships. Zara had come the closest after spending two months sleeping with the same guy until she realised she wasn't the only one he whispered sweet nothings to. But Seri has her eyes on one of the final-year students from the Pharmacy department. He's tall and cute and plays football and it's perfect because Taeri is scheduled to visit her grandparents for the weekend.

The date, after chit-chat over coffee, is steered towards the athletics track because it's the shortest way to his apartment and is going swimmingly well. If Seri continues to play her cards right, the night will end up in her favour. She'll wait for him to fall asleep then skip out of his door, never to be seen again. Her plan is flawless.

But as always, the universe doesn't let Seri enjoy the simpler things in life. As she and her date walk down the road, she spots Han Taeoh standing by a bench with a girl wearing one of those expensive private school uniforms. Despite the hundred inappropriate comments she can hurl his way, Seri chooses to walk past him with her head held high. The only problem is that Na Hyewon, who just happens to be walking by, joins them and pauses her conversation with the highschooler to talk to Seri.

"Oh…hi," Seri says awkwardly, "Heading home?"

"Your friends?" Her date asks.

"No, not re—"

The highschooler nudges Taeoh aside (he winces, clutching the spot where she jabbed her elbow), and exclaims, "You're Kim Seri, aren't you? I saw you on my brother's phone."

Seri pauses. Even her date looks at her questioningly. "...What?"

Hyewon smiles, wide and smug, at the highschooler. "Looks like Kang Inha already has a woman he's close with," she says.

With a shake of her head, Seri cuts in, "No, no. We're not close—"

Her date turns to her, "Wait, you're friends with Kang Inha?"

"No—I mean, yes. Sort of," she trips over words. Taeoh stands in the back, observing. It's hard to read his expression but Seri knows that he wants to be anywhere but here. Like her. "Haven't been friends in five years. I didn't even know he had a sister! Anyway," she forces a smile, "We should get going."

The highschooler blocks their path and looks at Seri with the widest, roundest sparkling eyes she's ever seen. "He hasn't told you about me?" She asks, bordering on whinging, "Me? But he's told me everything about you. I'm Kang Huiju!"

Seri takes a step away from the teenager's overwhelming energy. "A-ah," she stutters, "Well, um, it's…it's nice to meet you."

"Wait, if you knew my brother from Maju then you must know Taeoh-oppa too, right?"

"Saem," Taeoh corrects her automatically, eyes narrowed.

It doesn't deter Kang Huiju. "Are you friends too?" She asks Seri, ignoring the concept of 'personal space' and leaning really close.

To make matters worse, Inha's white fancy car stops on the street before Seri can hiss out an angry 'no' and leave. Kang Huiju's accusations of 'you didn't need to call him!' fall on deaf ears because everyone's preoccupied with the child who climbs out of the backseat.

"What the f—"

"Mom!" Taeri shrieks with joy and sprints towards her, throwing her arms around Seri's midriff. Stunned, the woman can only hug her back as Inha stumbles out of the car, utterly frazzled.

"Mom?" Her date exclaims.

Seri shakes her head even more vehemently, "No. No, no, no, no—"

Taeri presses her face against her adoptive mother's stomach and says, "Mom, you weren't home so I asked your friend to bring you to me." Seri had shown her an old picture of herself and Inha after being asked who the man who called her was. Inha nearly falls over the sidewalk, holding himself steady by grabbing Taeoh's shoulder. Aghast, he points at Seri accusingly, unable to form words.

"Ahaha," she laughs forcibly, hands on Taeri's small back as the girl hugs her tighter. "She's not... she's not my—"

Inha finally frames a coherent sentence and nearly screams, "You have a daughter!?"

"I don't!" She's loud and frantic, "She's...let me explain—Han Taeri, let go of me."

"Han Taeri!?" Inha and Huiju screech in unison as the colour drains from Taeoh's face. Hyewon looks between him and Seri while Seri's date begins to sneak away after pretending to peer at his phone.

Seri's nerves are on fire. She doesn't know who to address or where to begin. "Wait." Taeoh glances down at Taeri's face and then at her. It hits her that their New Year's Eve was almost six years ago and Taeri looks the perfect age for him to misunderstand. "Wait wait wait—you got it wrong. It's not... she's not—"

"Uh...my friend just texted," her date sidesteps and begins to leave, "It's important. So... I'll have to..."

"No, hold on!" Seri tries to dart after him but Taeri clasps her hand while Taeoh grabs her other elbow, loudly demanding, "What the hell are you playing at?"

Her date raises his arm and yells, "I'll call you, Kim Seri. Definitely." She knows he never will.

Seri bites the inside of her cheek. She's angry and embarrassed and the crueller part of her wants to take it out on Taeri. Instead, she exhales shakily and shrugs off Taeoh. "Can't even live my life for five minutes without her," she mumbles in English but Taeri catches on. The hurt on her face is heartbreaking. Unfortunately, Seri cannot spare any time or feelings towards it.

She drags the little girl away from the gaping audience, nearly tripping her when she struggles to keep up. Seri couldn't care less about the horror on Taeoh's face but she can still feel Inha's piercing gaze on her back.

"Mom, are you mad at —"

"Not another word, Taeri."

Neither speaks until they go home.

•✧•

Chapter Text

This is, without a doubt, one of the worst days of his life. Taeoh doesn't sleep once again, thanks to Kim Seri. He doesn't know what to feel. Or rather, what exactly it is that he's feeling. He lies in the dark, too afraid to turn the lights on. What if Hyewon saw he was awake and came to see him? If she were to ask, then what would he tell her? The truth?

Kim Seri and I fucked because we hate each other.

Yeah, it sounded too ridiculous now that he thought about it. But it had made sense back then.

And then the kid…

Taeoh had taken one look into her eyes and decided that if she really was his (he counted on Kim Seri to pull a spiteful move like naming her after him), then he'd be a part of her life. He'd alter his plans accordingly and find a way to keep her from harm. He would never want to hurt anybody else, much less his a child, because of his actions.

It had taken effort to convince Inha, however, that there had been nothing at all between him and Seri. They'd never hung out without him, Taeoh explained. They can't stand each other. Hyewon hadn't asked him but he knew she was waiting for them to be alone and away from Inha's heavy grimace and Huiju's demands for explanation. But he had run home and locked the door behind him, refusing to talk until he had all the answers.

Taeoh skips all his classes the next day and looks for Kim Seri. It's her friend, Zara, that he runs into instead. She tells him that she's at the hospital where she interns. "She's angry today so I wouldn't bother her," she says, leaning against the library wall, "Is this about Taeri?"

His throat dries up and shrivels like a raisin. "Has she…" He doesn't want to sound awkward or weird or angry or sad or excited or anything. "Has she said anything about…" His voice dies. He places a flat hand at the knee level for Zara to understand.

"She never said anything about the kid during the first two years, then suddenly sent out texts one day, at the beginning of the third year, saying it was Taeri's birthday. We don't force her for details and she usually doesn't talk about it with us. To be honest, when I first read your name in the class list, it did strike me as odd but Seri used to go out of her way to avoid you so I decided to let it be. Besides, this country has a lot of people with the same last names and first names and, you know, full names."

"She…what?" Taeoh was under the impression that they had accidentally run into each other in the library because they'd have little reason to be around each other's school. But she had known for four years. The level of her pettiness was earth-shattering.

Zara looks around and pulls out her phone. "Fine," she sighs, pitying him, "Here, I'll send you her address. Her shift ends at 7 so go around 9. And don't tell her I told you."

•✧•

Taeoh tastes his heartbeat. He's seen Inha's car parked in a free space a few houses away, by the bend, and dares not to linger within 15 yards of Seri's house.

He doesn't breathe, doesn't move until he's sure Inha's left. He watches from the shadows, hidden behind a post box and a car, as Inha strides out of the house. He walks down the street to his car, opens the door but doesn't climb in. He places his clenched fist over the roof for a moment and looks back. Taeoh has never seen this expression on his face. He doesn't like that he can't decipher it. He ducks when Inha drives by and waits for ten minutes.

When he's sure Inha isn't coming back, Taeoh steps in front of the building.

A few years ago, it would've been called a plush little cottage. But the plushness is gone now, though the two-storeyed house is still well-maintained and charming. The walls are red bricks with grey accents. It has slanting roofs, a tiny wooden balcony atop the awning over the entrance, and an ochre-coloured door at the end of a wide set of stairs. There's an attached garage to the right with a separate driveway.

Taeoh approaches the gates with caution. Through the grill, he sees Seri in her pyjamas, sitting on the stairs. Elbow on her knee, her fingers grip her hair in distraught. In her other hand, she's holding a cigarette that burns slowly. When she shifts to take a drag, she spots Taeoh behind the iron door.

"Stop lurking like a creep," she grumbles, raising the cigarette between her teeth.

Taeoh opens the gate with a sharp creek. His steps are slow and hesitant, and Seri makes a quip about his snail's pace in English. He accidentally glances up at the balcony and freezes because she is peeping down at him. Han Taeri. Their eyes meet and he's overcome with affection when she waves her tiny hand at him. Whether the affection is paternal or not, Taeoh is too mortified to assess.

He waves back with a tiny smile.

"Are you leaning against the balcony again?" Seri tilts her head a little, addressing the awning loud and cross. He wants to tell her off for speaking so harshly.

There's a stretch of silence. Then, Taeri squeaks, "No."

"You better not," Seri warns. "Off to bed with ye. I won't say it twice."

The girl disappears obediently. Seri stubs her half-finished cigarette against the stairs and flicks it to a corner. "Are you supposed to be smoking with a kid in the house?" Taeoh can't help but blurt.

As expected, she's instantly irritated. "Is anybody supposed to be smoking, Han Taeoh?" She jerks her head towards the spot next to her on the stairs. "Sit," she orders, "I don't have it in me to torture my neck anymore."

He does as he's told and tries to take up as little space as possible. Beneath the dour scent of ash and smoke, Seri smells like fresh linen and amber. Like warmth. It's much different from the perfume she used years ago yet it nearly has the same effect. But that's just the soap she uses, Taeoh tells himself. It's nothing special. She still smells like an ashtray.

"You just missed Inha."

"I waited until he left."

Seri laughs inaudibly. "She's not yours, Han Taeoh. You sauntered all the way here with your laudable sense of patriarchal responsibility for nothing."

His brain which had been flying at full speed and spinning up solutions is suddenly yanked to a halt, crashing in the process. It takes time for the blood to rush back into his limbs. "But…but, the…" He's never sounded this pathetic. "The name."

She clicks her tongue. "Do you remember Suah?" He nods. Of course, he does. "She and her husband named me godmother. I said yes, obviously. Marriage and new house and the kid—it was all happy news so I said yes. I just…" She trails off, shoulders sagging, "I didn't think much of the legalities because, well, I didn't think there'd be a need."

Dread and discomfort gather in his chest, turning into a tangled heap. "Suah-noona's dead?" Taeoh asks. The shock comes to him quietly because Yeun Suah had always been kind to him. She had slipped him extra groceries when he was short on money and helped him fix up his mother's house to make it livable. Taeoh was courteous in return but he never assumed to be close enough to take up her invitation of visiting her and her husband in Seoul.

Seri clenches her jaw, disconcerted. "Carelessness on the doctor's part," she spits. Taeoh can feel the rage exuding from her. "She died from blood loss hours after Taeri was born. Her husband died in a car crash while on his way to the hospital. It was raining and he lost control. Flatlined after he added his signature to the birth certificate."

She glances up at the awning, "I came back to this country for three days. Three. To get some fucking document from school because of the stupid u…" She sucks in a sharp breath and pauses. She pulls herself together and continues, "Suah lived long enough to name her. 'Tae' from her own mother's name and 'Ri' from mine. I got stuck in a legal battle with Han Daeyang's parents. Wasn't much of a battle, though. They didn't want Taeri. Suah's dad had collapsed after her death so he was ineligible. I was the de jure guardian and—"

Seri stops abruptly. Suppresses her melancholia. "Why am I even telling you all this?" She exclaims, unable to believe her own actions. "I told you she's not your kid. Case closed. Now, scram."

Taeoh frowns at the sudden swing in her behaviour. "Noona helped me to settle in Maju and—"

"And now she's dead," Seri finishes brashly.

He turns to her, "I can help."

"How?" She asks like he's an idiot. "Will you marry me and pretend to be her dad? Babysit her when I'm at the hospital? Be serious, Han Taeoh." When she shifts to face him, their knees are pressed together. Neither of them moves away. "I'm not saying this because I can't stand you. In fact, I'd appreciate it if Taeri has someone in her life who knew her parents. But with your…your grand plans for the future, I don't want you anywhere near her."

He wonders if Inha has been narrating their antics to her. "What are you talking about?"

She massages her temple as if being around him gave her a migraine. Fair enough. Being around her was suffocating for him too so they both couldn't stand each other equally. She explains slowly, "I don't want my…daughter to be dragged into whatever corporate usurping you two are aiming at."

Taeoh presses his knuckles to his mouth and doesn't move. If he recalled correctly, Han Daeyang had moved to Seoul upon his father's instructions. To manage a branch—no. If that man was a branch manager, he still couldn't have afforded this house back then. Hanseung Chemicals? Wasn't that the company? It was small but profitable and held land that is seen as priceless in today's time. Han Daeyang didn't have any siblings and Seri hasn't left the country, taking Han Taeri with her. That doesn't make sense. Seri would've done anything to go back home. That means that something's forcing her to stay here. Since she's still in touch with Taeri's grandparents, maybe the matter was legal? Terms the grandparents had set? Over…say, inheritance? And if Han Daeyang was the heir of the modest company, then…

"Kangoh has been trying to get Hanseung Chemicals for a few years now," he mutters, recalling a report he had peeked at in his professor's office. "To merge and expand."

In any other case, Taeoh would consider this moment a milestone in his life because Seri actually looks impressed with the way he connected the dots. He smothers the satisfaction thrumming in his veins. "So I've heard," she nods.

"Since her grandfather is still alive," he theorises, "she won't inherit the company unless he alters his will or unless the board votes in favour. But…Han Daeyang, on the other hand. His shares would be inherited by his daughter, with the legal guardian managing it until she's of age."

Seri presses her palms to her eyes and groans. "It's so much money that I had to count the zeroes five times to check," she admits and glances at him, "That combined with the house and the car and the ugly fucking fishing boat—god, the custodian had to threaten me to keep me from selling half the things."

"Does Inha know?"

"No. I told him about Suah and said I can't spend time drinking and singing karaoke with him because I have a daughter to take care of now."

Taeoh leans back on his arms before grimacing at the dirt that stains his palms. "That's one rich daughter you have there," he comments, not even the least bit envious of Seri's predicament.

"Right? Marry me and she can be yours, too."

He scowls deeply at her jest. Seri laughs, finding his reaction funny. "Very admirable of you," she says, slapping the back of her palm against his chest, "to run and accept responsibility when you suspected Taeri was yours."

"I believed it because only you could be spiteful enough to name her that and still hide."

She muffles a snort, "Please. I would've never let it come to that."

A soft, uncommonly comfortable silence falls over them. Taeoh watches Seri as she watches him. Now that he's paying close attention, he sees the lines of exhaustion marring her face that he doesn't recall from five years ago. But even in her weariness, there's a certain grace to her that Taeoh can't help but admire. Despite the pallor of her skin and the shadows under her eyes, her fierceness and determination command his respect. It's not easy taking care of a child by yourself. Taeoh still remembers how his mother had struggled before she had married that scumbag.

Seri tilts her head ever so slightly, amusement dancing in her eyes, and Taeoh feels something stir in his chest. He quashes the feeling before it has the chance to unfurl and take root. He's acutely aware of the proximity between them, the heat of her body seeping into his own, but he pushes all that aside. It's tough to ignore it, but he has to. He needs to clear his mind. There's little room for error in his life.

But there it is again. Seri raises her fingers and absentmindedly traces her collarbone while fixating on what Taeoh believes is his mouth. The way she drags the flat of her thumb over her smooth skin makes his throat dry up.

It happens so quickly that Taeoh doesn't realise he's leaning towards her lips. In his defence, it felt like Seri had grabbed him by the collar and tugged him on her. But he leans anyway and the fingers that were on her neck are now splayed over his mouth and jaw.

"It was a one-time thing," she reminds him in a whisper.

"Thought it was a three-time, instead," he quotes her, "I'm not sure."

"I'm flattered that you remember." Seri touches his face. The tenderness in her is gone before Taeoh even registers it. Her grip over his jaw tightens and she holds him hostage. "Han Taeoh," she smiles threateningly, "You bring your schemes and ruses anywhere near my daughter and I'll kill you and make it look like a disease."

He shifts back, wrenching his face away from her hands. He appreciates the warning. But it's a waste of her breath. "Hanseung Chemicals has no role in my plans," he says, "And even if it does, I can always redirect the route to another company. There are other small industries Kangoh can acquire in Hanseung's place." Taeoh resists the need to feel his jaw to check for burn marks because his skin feels like it's been set ablaze.

"You don't work for Kangoh."

"Yet."

"I was right." Seri huffs. "You're too full of yourself."

His mouth curves into a smug smile. "I trust myself and my mind."

"Narcissist," she mumbles in English. If she means it as an insult then it doesn't affect him in any way because he's well aware that he doesn't suffer from narcissism.

The door behind them creaks open and they turn in unison. Taeri stands on her tiptoes, holding the doorknob with both hands. "Mom," she mumbles sleepily, "I'm tired." She's wearing a nightdress with a peter pan collar. When she sees that Taeoh's still here, she shuffles to hide behind the door.

"You're supposed to be asleep," Seri chides her in English. Per usual, it takes Taeoh two seconds to understand her rapid accent. "You have school tomorrow."

"I don' want to go."

The adults reel back in surprise because Taeri's little squeak sounds a lot like her adoptive mother's. She must have picked it up from hearing it so often. Seri's nostrils flare in annoyance. "I'll have a go at yer head if you keep that up," she wags her finger at the girl. "Get to bed now."

Taeri puffs up her cheeks and pouts. She sulks, taking dragging steps towards Seri, and throws her arms around her. She buries her face in her neck, mumbling that she's sleepy. Seri heaves a sigh and shifts the girl into her lap, cradling her. "Aren't you forgettin' something?" she asks. Taeri shakes her head, refusing to look up. "Ach, I raised you with manners, lass. You're supposed to say hi."

"Already did."

"Leave her be," Taeoh says when Seri hisses in indignation.

She nudges the little girl and nods at Taeoh. "Do you know what this person's name is?" She asks Taeri. When she shyly shakes her head, Seri says, "His name's Han Taeoh. He was your mom's friend, you know?"

Taeri blinks rapidly in surprise, her drowsiness suddenly vanishing. "Really?" She asks Taeoh excitedly.

He smiles at her, "I can show you my ID."

"So are you, like, my dad?"

His smile drops. "I, uh…" He coughs and chokes on spit, and glances at Seri who immediately begins to chew her out.

But Taeri's curious eyes brighten delightfully and she giggles into her palm. "Uncle Inha said he'd give me a lot of birthday money if I said it," she informs them with great thrill.

Seri swats the top of Taeri's head. She speaks rapid English and almost all of it is incomprehensive to Taeoh's ears. The five-year-old interrupts her by placing her hand over her mouth. "So if we have, like, similar names," she says to Taeoh, "Does that mean we're supposed to be friends?"

"Maybe," he answers.

"That's only for people who're the same age, love—"

"So will you come to my birthday?" Taeri vibrates with excitement, "I like goldfish if you want to bring me a present."

"Taeri!"

For the first time in a long while, he feels a hearty laugh rise up his throat. "I'll keep that in mind," he tells her. There is so much of Suah-noona's earnestness in her that Taeoh finds it impossible to not find a place for Han Taeri in his heart. Why not, he thinks. It's how he can repay the debt he owes her mother.

Seri hides her face in her palm out of embarrassment. "Sorry," she mumbles, "She's been going around inviting everyone she sees."

He leans down towards Taeri and whispers conspiratorially, "I don't think your mom wants me to come."

"It's my party," she shakes her head at Seri, "and he's my friend." They stare at each other for a full four seconds. "You can't say no because you yelled at me yesterday. You said you'll do what I want."

If anything, Seri looks even more ashamed of herself. "Right, okay," she tries to play it casual with a shrug, "Maybe it's a good thing. Taeoh only has two friends, after all."

Two?

"You have two friends?" Taeri looks at him, dark, round eyes wide with disbelief.

He answers without hesitating, "Quality over quantity."

"That's very smart."

There's a short but sarcastic laugh from Seri. She swings upwards with a huff, standing while still carrying Taeri. The little girl laughs, clapping her hands twice before she's set down. "Time for bed," Seri orders, "It's late. I won't have you whinging about being tired tomorrow."

This time, Taeri does as she's told. She dusts her night dress and waves at Taeoh. "You promised," she reminds him and runs off inside when he nods reassuringly.

His heart twinges painfully. He should've taken up Suah-noona's endless offers of having dinner at her house. He should've been more forthcoming when she had introduced her then-boyfriend to her. He shouldn't have been so aloof at her wedding, shouldn't have spent all that time working and referring to her as just the 'bride'. He could've had one more memory had he made the effort of seeing her when they had both moved to the city.

But it's no use dwelling on it anymore. Taeoh allows himself to consider the what-ifs for today. That's why he doesn't insist that he'll be an active part of Han Taeri's life. There's a line he cannot and does not want to cross. He has nothing but affection for the little girl despite having spent fifteen minutes with her. She is, however, in good hands. The concerns Taeoh had about Seri raising a small human being have been laid to rest because, well, Taeri is a happy child in the hands of someone capable of taking good care of her. And Seri has her friends and family who can help her out should the need arise.

"Who's the second?" Taeoh asks out of curiosity when Seri begins to leave.

She looks over her shoulder, "Hmm. Oh, aren't Inha and Na Hyewon the only friends you have?"

Taeoh stills. His mind whirls with confusion as her words sink in. Another pang of guilt gnaws at his conscience because it almost slipped his mind that he'd been wrestling with his feelings for Na Hyewon. After all, he and Hyewon are alike in many ways—ambitious, driven and desperate.

As if she can read his mind and know exactly what he's panicking over, Seri smiles at him, smug and haughty. "Still want to come inside?" She asks, insinuatingly. It takes him a moment to understand that she's ridiculing him. Taeoh feels his face grow hot. He mumbles a 'don't push it' that goes neglected. Seri's hand rests on the doorknob. "Do you want me to drive you home?" She asks, surprisingly kind, "It's late."

"I'll take the bus," Taeoh hears himself say, "It's just two stops away."

She doesn't insist. "Close the gate on your way out."

Kim Seri doesn't wait for him to leave her front yard and shuts the door on him. He hears the lock, watches the lights of the living room be turned off. Taeoh shoves a hand into one pocket and brushes the front of his hair, trying to pull himself together. Somehow, the struggles he came here carrying have doubled.

It's alright, he convinces himself, double-checking the gates behind him as he walks out. It's not like he'll be running into Han Taeri much. He'll keep his relationship with her at bay. He's always been good at it, to begin with. A five-year-old shouldn't pose much of a problem for someone like him.

•✧•

Taeri is sitting on the cot on his terrace, outside the door the very next evening, with a big picture book open in her lap. Taeoh freezes halfway up the last set of stairs and stares at her, startled. She straightens her spine and waves at him with a toothy grin.

"What are you doing here?" He hurries to her, concern rising up his temple, "How did you know where I live? Does your mom know? How long have you been sitting here?"

Taeri sets her book aside and frowns hard, focusing on his questions. "Homework." She sticks up her little finger and then her fourth as she begins to count. "I asked around. No. I dunno, fifteen minutes?"

He massages the bridge of his nose before exercising patience and asking, "I meant, how did you know where to find me, Taeri?"

"Oh, that's easy!" She exclaims with pride, "Last night, you told mom you live two stops away so I looked at the map and stopped here while coming back from school. Then I asked this lady walking down the road if she'd seen you."

A streak of annoyance runs down his body. "Why did you come here?" He asks.

"The teachers don't like that mom takes hoourss to pick me up so I stay at the park near my school until she comes back from her school." She fixes a clip on her pigtail and continues, "I don't like it there so I thought I'd come here and do my homework."

"At the park?" Taeoh repeats, "Your teachers let you wander outside by yourself?"

She looks down at her lace-less shoes, kicking her feet lightly, "Yeah. They don't really like me much."

With a heavy sigh, he kneels to her level and takes her hand. "And if I hadn't come home?" He asks, "Would you have kept sitting here?"

"I would've waited for ten minutes and then gone back to the park." She points at her wrist, at the purple watch wrapped around it, "See? I can tell the time."

Taeoh unlocks the front door and ushers her inside. She takes a few seconds to glance around before waiting patiently by the entrance, observing as he takes his shoes off. Taeri crouches low to unstrap her sneakers and places them neatly next to his. He doesn't have a pair of slippers that would fit her. "Here, sit at the dining table," he says, pulling out a chair for her. "Do you know your mom's phone number so that I can let her know you're here?"

Taeri recites the number in a tune. It's easier to remember that way, she says. "Mom made me memorise her phone number and our address. She also stitched it on the inside of my school bag!"

Can five-year-olds memorise addresses and phone numbers? Taeoh has no idea. Most of his childhood is blacked out. In his mind, he doesn't even know the extent of how much a preschooler can function.

He dials Seri's number and hears that the recipient isn't available. He rechecks the number and tries again. Taeri watches him, elbows propped up on the table, over her book. She zips open her pink school bag and toddles over to Taeoh. Sure enough, a patch bearing Taeri's details is sewn on the inside. It has the same number he's tried to call.

"I think your mom has me blocked," he says, suppressing his annoyance.

While she reads her book, he calls Zara instead who tells him that Seri's probably switched off her phone while on rounds. He doesn't have it in him to tell her that she's wrong. Instead, he texts Inha and asks him if he can let Seri know that Taeri's with him.

OMG, Inha texts back, But how did the munchkin know where you live?

He doesn't reply. Tossing a towel over his shoulder, he turns to Taeri. "Do you need anything?" He asks.

"No, thank you," she replies politely.

There's not a lot Taeoh admires about Kim Seri but he has to admit that she's not that bad at raising a human being.

By the time he's finished showering, Taeri's moved from the table to peering out of the windows. She stands on her tiptoes, barely clinging to the window sill, and looks out towards Hyewon's apartment. "Some lady was yelling very loudly," she says, a deep frown marring her round face, "They all left now, though."

Taeoh wonders whether he should call Hyewon and ask. But he knows better than to do that. She'll snub him, saying that it's nothing special for him to come running to her. It'll only make things more awkward. "Don't worry," he tells Taeri, "It happens all the time."

"It used to happen in our neighbourhood too," she says conversationally, following him around the tiny space, "But then Grandma Fish called the cops one evening and we never heard yelling again. But mom can get very loud though."

He hangs his towel outside the other window that faces the back of his apartment. "Your mom yells at you?" Taeoh rummages through his kitchen shelves and finds a solitary juice box that, thankfully, hasn't expired. He wordlessly passes it to Taeri.

She accepts it with both hands and bows her head low. Cute. "She doesn't like to," Taeri answers, examining the box, "Mom can be really mean but she's only mean to me sometimes. I don't take her too seriously. She likes me very much even when everyone else doesn't."

Taeoh picks up the books strewn randomly on his study table. "She shouldn't be mean to you at all," he comments, shoving them back into the bookcase.

When she fiddles with the paper straw before poking it gently into the box, Taeoh feels like he's looking at a younger version of Yeun Suah. "Mom doesn't need to be my mom," Taeri tells him, sipping the juice experimentally, "but she does it anyway. So I guess she's allowed to be mean. This tastes musty, by the way."

Taeoh takes the juice box from her, glancing at it briefly before setting it on the counter. "Sorry about that," he says. He feels bad for not having anything better to offer her. As he reaches back toward the bookcase to continue rearranging the scattered books, his elbow knocks into a precariously balanced stack of files. They tumble to the floor in a messy heap.

Eager to help, Taeri quickly bends down as well. "I got it!" she says, grabbing a few sheets. As she reaches for another set, her fingers brush against a small polaroid photo that had slipped out from between the folders. She picks it up and glances at it curiously.

It's the polaroid Taeoh swiped off of Seri's desk on New Year's Eve, he realises in horror. His mind races, panicking quietly as his heartbeat echoes in his ears. Taeri takes a second to squint more closely at it, making him crouch beside her under the pretence of clearing things up. He holds his hand out wordlessly and she passes him the papers—photograph included. Taeri pads back to the dining table while Taeoh stares at the polaroid. It hasn't faded over time, like he expected it to. Her hair is still dyed black, the blazer still green, and the cigarette still half-lit. He flips it, feeling like Kim Seri can see him through it, and wedges it back in the farthest corner of the bookcase.

Sucking in his nervousness, he walks over to the dining table where Taeri is engrossed in her picture book. She's leaning closely over the caricature of a bat in the middle of the page and doesn't notice him at all. "About your mom's photo…" Taeoh begins and immediately clears his throat because his voice isn't casual and nonchalant enough. "She accidentally left it with me, and we forgot about it."

Taeri blinks in surprise and looks up at him. "That was my mom? I didn't recognize her."

Fuck. He should've just kept his mouth shut. Taeoh's heart beats faster. He can already imagine the face Seri's going to make, the insults she'll hurl at him and how, in the end, she'll scoff smugly and insinuate that he might have jerked off to it. (He didn't). (But he had thought about it). (He had even come very close to it). (But he still didn't).

He sits down next to Taeri, feeling the anxiousness set in. "Yeah, it's from a couple of years ago." Casual casual casual, you need to sound casual, he reminds himself.

She leans back, processing this new information with wide eyes. "Oh, wow. She looks very different."

You're so fucking stupid, Han Taeoh. She's five.

"Yeah, she did," he says, sounding like an idiot, running a hand through his hair. "But since we're friends now, I need you to keep this a secret, okay?" He sticks up his little finger for a pinky promise. He feels ridiculous. This is exactly why he only deals with middle schoolers and up.

Taeri looks at his pinky, then back at him. Her tiny hands clasp around her mouth and she giggles. Taeoh doesn't blame her. He's quite sure that he looks like a clown. She hooks her little finger with his and shakes his hand. "But since we're friends," she echoes, "can I come here to read?"

"I'm not usually here at this time," he tells her, "I work at several places and don't come back until night." Especially now that he's tutoring Inha's sister in Bisunjae.

She sits up straight at the prospect of him agreeing. "That's okay," she says, "I can sit outside on the cot. I just…I don't like being by myself in the park."

Taeoh shakes their linked hands again. "Don't worry," he comforts her, "I'll talk to your mom and we'll figure something out."

•✧•

Ninety minutes and a long, winding explanation of Taeri's picture book, Stellaluna, later, they hear the screeching of tyres in the distance. Shortly after, the metal stairs to Taeoh's place rattle furiously and Taeoh braces himself. The door to his apartment flies open so hard that the furniture shakes. There's a good chance he needs to check the wall for dents.

Seri's breaths come in quick, shallow gasps like she's sprinted all the way from the hospital. Her loosely tied hair is frazzled and she looks like she's on the verge of crying. Pointing a trembling finger at Taeri, she hisses, "You are in so much trouble, you little twerp!"

"Mammy—" Taeri scurries to hide behind Taeoh, squealing in fright. He stumbles to his feet, backing her towards the kitchen and shielding her.

"I'm going to hang you by your fuckin' toes—Get the fuck out of the way!" Seri nearly takes a swing at Taeoh's face. He manages to dodge her expertly while avoiding tripping over the five-year-old latched onto his waist.

"Will you calm down?" He scowls.

"Calm down?" She repeats, growing hysterical with each word, "Calm down? Are you insane? I tried to break open the locked school doors and ran around the goddamn playground thinking someone carried her off—Inha texted me she was with you—" She grabs a plastic cup off the table and hurls it at Taeoh. He ducks and Taeri takes the opportunity to crawl under the table. Had it not been for his tiny apartment and the number of things obstructing her path to him, Seri would've yanked him by the collar and strangled him.

"You're lucky I'm not cutting you open and redecorating your home with your innards, Han Taeoh!" She threatens before bending to find Taeri under the table. "You," she snaps, angry and loud, "Get your bag and get goin' or so help me, Jesus, you won't be leavin' your room 'til you're thirty!"

"You blocked my number," Taeoh retorts, infuriated by her audacity. "How was I supposed to call you?"

"You should've found another—"

"Do you even hear yourself?" He cuts her off. "I called Zara and Inha because I couldn't get a hang of you. You're in no position to threaten or accuse me when you have no clue about Taeri's side of the story."

Knees to her chest, Taeri peeps up at the adults. "Cool," she exclaims, unfazed by the screaming match surrounding her, "Is this what it feels like when your parents fight?"

"No!" They reply in unison.

Taeoh immediately bites his tongue when he sees the way Taeri is looking up at them. It reopens too much of the memories he has packed and sent away with his mother. He immediately lowers his tone and reaches for the pink bag. "I'm sorry," he tells Taeri as he zips up her bag for her, "if the shouting scared you. Your mother was worried when you disappeared without a word."

She shuffles out and lets him slip the bag over her back. "I know," she says, still upbeat, "But I wasn't scared. Thank you for taking my side." She plods over to Seri who takes a while to pull herself together.

Seri presses the cuffs of her worn-out shirt to her eyes, breathes in deeply, and looks down at the five-year-old. "Do you have something to say to me?" She asks and Taeoh can tell she's trying hard to not sob from relief.

Slowly grasping the severity of her actions, Taeri fixates her eyes on her feet. "Sorry," she mumbles before pressing the side of her face to Seri's thigh.

"And?"

"I won't do it again."

Seri scoffs inaudibly. "That's what you said two nights ago when you ran from your grandpa's house," she chides, tapping her knuckles on top of Taeri's head. "What else do you need to tell me?"

There's a long pause as Taeri fiddles with the hem of Seri's shirt. She casts a wary look up at Taeoh before softly admitting, "School ends three hours before you pick me up."

The expression on Seri's face is one of pure self-loathing. It's gone when Taeri peers up at her with earnesty. She musters a smile and crouches to her level. "You should've told me before." The fear and fury are gone from her tone, forcibly replaced by lightheartedness—though Taeoh knows it's anything but. "Don't worry. I'll do something about it, okay? But you need to stop wandering away without letting me know."

"She wants to come here on days when you're busy," Taeoh speaks up. It's better to have this out of the way when they're face-to-face. "I don't mind but I don't come back until late evening some days."

He thinks he's imagined it but Seri mumbles an 'I know'. "I don't want to bother you," she says, pleasantly polite, "I'll figure something out. Maybe change her school or look for a daycare at the hospital."

"In any case," he doesn't know why he's doing this, "The offer's open. Just let me know a day before."

The woman's at a loss for words. "I…" She sighs, jaded and growing worse for wear by the minute. With so much on her plate, Taeoh can only imagine how exhausted she must be. "Thanks," Seri says, not meeting his eyes, "I'll let you know."

After another brief pause, she digs her knuckles into Taeri's head again. "But you do that again and I'm dropping you off at the kennel," she grimaces.

Taeoh sees them out. With a kid thrown in the mix, he's never felt more awkward standing in front of Kim Seri. As he walks after them out onto the terrace, his eyes trail down the curve of Seri's neck. He recalls pressing his mouth over the birthmark hidden under the back of her collar. Maybe she senses his heated gaze because she turns before he can get too close. Taeoh prays to god he doesn't look flustered.

It's Seri who is embarrassed when she thanks him again. "For letting Taeri stay," she says, "And I'm sorry for taking up your time. And for throwing the cup at you."

"Maybe learn to hear the other person out, next time," he answers dryly.

She rolls her eyes at him and nudges Taeri to say goodbye. She waves at him. He waves back. "I'll see you soon!" She chirps happily, like they didn't just run for their lives from her mother.

Seri swats the back of her head harmlessly, "Don't threaten him."

Taeoh waits until the two disappear down the stairs and he can't hear their footsteps mixed with their light conversation anymore. He runs a hand over his head, exhaling soundly. Somehow, the rooftop feels emptier than it usually does. Just as Taeoh turns to go back inside, he spots Hyewon standing on the staircase of her building across the street. She looks poised and elegant, even in the casual attire she's wearing. Her gaze is fixed on him, and when their eyes meet, Taeoh's heart skips a beat. It's a different skip this time, more uneasy and nervous. It's because he still hasn't explained his relationship with Seri and Taeri to her.

Hyewon doesn't move; she waits and watches, one hand clutching the strap of her bag. Does she expect him to run over and give her the answers he thinks she deserves? He should. To clear up the misunderstanding. To let her know that he's still dedicated to their goal and, perhaps, that his heart isn't fixated on anybody. But just as he takes a step forward, his phone rings, pulling him back to reality.

It's Inha.

The sound echoes through the air. Maybe Hyewon can hear it. Taeoh's fingers hover over the accept button. This isn't the first time he's been torn between two choices. He hesitates, his eyes flickering back to Hyewon. Her expression is inscrutable, perhaps a hint of disappointment crossing her features. He feels a stab of guilt, but he's already decided. It's alright. She'd understand..

Taeoh accepts the call, raising the phone to his ear while still maintaining eye contact with Hyewon.

•✧•

The universe reminds him that he's gotten careless and far too confident of himself quite quickly. Taeoh, who had believed himself to be in utter control of his emotions, takes the bus to work in a state of agony. It is a form of agony that he hadn't experienced until he burst into the lecture hall to find his best friend kissing the girl he had, for the first time, set his heart on.

He should've been at work thirty minutes ago. But his limbs had refused to cooperate until an upperclassman had rudely elbowed him aside on the uni driveway for not walking faster. Taeoh beats himself up, berates himself for daring to think of anything other than Kangoh, and wallows in a period of self-loathing. Should he have told Inha? Should he have made the first move? Is this what he gets for denying himself the little comfort he thought he deserved? Is this karma for what happened between him and Kim Seri?

Taeoh gets off the bus in a daze, not really noticing that his phone is buzzing in his pocket. It's an unknown number. His fingers move by themselves, answering the call and pressing his phone to his ear.

"Oh, Han Taeoh." Think of the devil. "It's Seri."

His feet keep moving. The cogs in his mind keep turning. What is the worst that could happen? If he were to skip work and chase after Hyewon, to prioritise his own happiness for the first time?

"Sorry to call you at this time but Taeri says she left some of her things at your place." Taeoh hears her voice but doesn't exactly listen. "I'll be out of the hospital in a bit. Do you mind if I stop by—"

"Sure," he hears himself say, "I'll be back in an hour or so."

He hangs up and nearly enters the cram school before freezing over its threshold. A substitute teacher might've already taken over his class. He shouldn't interrupt. No, what he should be doing is running after Hyewon. Taeoh should confess to her. He likes Na Hyewon and knows that she likes him too. He can convince her to change her mind because Han Taeoh shows promise. He is clever, cleverer than the lot, and deserves every bit of her trust.

Without wasting another moment, Taeoh turns on his heels and runs.

•✧•

Thirty minutes later, he stands in front of Hyewon, out of breath and sweating. After searching for her near her apartment and finding it empty, he sees her make her way to the bus stop carrying all her belongings in a box.

"Inha said I can stay with him," Hyewon tells him casually, setting her things down on the bench, "Until I find a place and the thugs stop coming after me because of that woman."

This time, Taeoh doesn't hesitate. He darts his hand out to grab hers. "Stay with me instead," he says, "Don't go to Inha. Stay here, with me."

She scoffs. Whether pityingly or in disbelief, he can't tell. "Can you say for sure that this isn't something you would regret tomorrow?" She asks sharply.

"I won't regret it."

His confidence, however, does little to convince her this time. "But I will," she says, wrenching her wrist out of his fingers. "So go back, Han Taeoh. Neither of us can afford mistakes or distractions. You've chosen your path and I've chosen mine."

Hyewon leaves him standing on the sidewalk, staring after her in silent despair. The only person he thought could understand him has left him too. It's a crippling feeling, a heavy weight pressing down on his chest. He gathers his loneliness and heads back home, each step echoing with the hollowness that has settled in his heart.

The walk home is filled with remorse. He should have confessed to Hyewon sooner. He should have fought harder. He should have…

Taeoh drags his feet up the stairs to his apartment. The rooftop is dimly lit from the streetlights down below. And in the dimness, Kim Seri sits leisurely on the cot, leaning back on her palms, waiting. She offers a faint, friendly smile when she sees him come closer. "Sorry, I'm early," she says casually, "Got dismissed sooner than I thought." If she notices his shattered expression, she is sensible enough not to mention it.

"It's fine." He thinks the words came out like a pathetic croak.

He quietly lets her in, locking the door behind them. Seri waits for him to turn on the lights but his legs have already carried him away, further towards the kitchen when he sets his bag down on the table. She feels her way up to the counter, trying to look for the switch. "Christ, do we have to stand in the dark?" He can hear the frown in her tone. "You're making this very weird, Taeoh."

No sooner does his name leave her tongue, than they hear loud knocking. The door is thin and it rattles like a metal sheet. "Han Taeoh!" His eyes widen, recognising Hyewon's voice. Only, she's never sounded this eager and excited. "Taeoh, it's me!"

Without thinking, Taeoh darts forward, pressing a hand over Seri's mouth and flattening her against the counter. She startles but doesn't resist. He can feel the heat of her breath against his palm, the rapid beat of her pulse beneath his fingers. Their proximity is overwhelming. Taeoh can feel every inch of the space between them. Or rather, the lack of it. Seri's breath hitches, and he can see the confusion and something else—something deeper—flicker in her eyes. The moment stretches, turning into an eternity suspended in the darkness.

Hyewon knocks again, calling his name. He sees her silhouette outside the window, trying to look inside. "Taeoh, are you there?"

His brain replays the moment he saw Hyewon with Inha. The torture of watching them together, the certainty that he had lost her runs down his bones. He reexamines his regret, the bitter taste of it lingering. Yet, as he stands there, so close to Seri that he can feel her heartbeat mirroring his own, he makes up his mind. Taeoh realises he must let Hyewon go. This is proof that his goal must always be greater than his desires, that he should learn to differentiate a need from a want.

"Han Taeoh!"

As these thoughts solidify, Taeoh's hand slips from Seri's mouth, but she doesn't move away. Instead, she instinctively places her hands on his waist to steady herself, to keep from slipping. The touch is electric, a current that runs through both of them, and Taeoh feels a rush of conflicting emotions—grief, determination, and a strange, burgeoning warmth. Seri fixates on him, brows knitting together and lips parting.

Then, the silence is shattered by the sharp trill of Taeoh's phone ringing. The noise cuts through the tension, surprising them both. Outside, Hyewon's gone quiet. Seri flinches at the light when Taeoh fishes out his phone.

Inha. Of course, it has to be him. The one time Taeoh wants to pretend he doesn't exist in this world, everyone comes looking for him. "What is it, Inha?" he asks, hardening his resolve. Trapped under his body, Seri stares at him, baffled as to why he's doing what he's doing.

"Hey, I just called to ask," Inha's voice is piercing, "Hyewon's supposed to come over for the night. Did you see her leave?"

"Hyewon?" He repeats her name on purpose, "Yeah, I saw her leave a while back. She was heading to the bus stop." To make his decision clearer, he announces, "Maybe you should go pick her up. She had a lot of things with her."

"Oh, yeah. Good idea."

Taeoh raises his head, looking towards the door as Inha ends the call. He pictures the hurt on Hyewon's face and the strain in her step. He holds his breath until he's sure she's long gone.

But Seri's still there and their hands are still on each other.

"Why did you do that, Taeoh?" She sounds bewildered and concerned. It's a startling contrast to her usual conduct.

"I did what needed to be done," Taeoh replies, his voice sunken. "I can't afford to make mistakes or get sidetracked by distractions."

She leans away while gently pushing him back. Her palm rests flat on his chest. He wants nothing more than to cling to her hand, to cradle it against his cheek and see if it takes away this burden inside of him. "I…I don't get it," she whispers, "Why do you want Kangoh so badly that you're willing to choose it over your happiness?"

Taeoh's eyes harden. "I wouldn't expect you to understand, Seri," he replies, "It's not like you actually care either." She retracts her hand but the warmth of her still lingers. In that moment, a very brief, vengeful thought crosses his mind.

Kim Seri for Na Hyewon.

He could get back at Inha. Taeoh could make use of the thread of lust that ties him to Seri and draw her in. He could take her from Inha. His gaze drifts to Seri's lips, the soft curve of her mouth luring him in. His pulse quickens when he remembers the subtle sweetness of her mouth and how she had moaned his name. Taeoh could casually reveal to Inha that they might have fucked years ago. They might have slept naked in her bed. He might have made her come thrice. He could slip in a detail or two about how she touched him and where she left her marks on him.

Taeoh could maybe take Seri now, spread her out on his table, and fuck her till he doesn't remember anything else.

Immediately, Taeoh stumbles away from her, making her flinch. He collides with the table he had imagined her lying on and turns away. He curses himself for even daring to think of such a thing when just a day ago, he had told Hyewon off for wanting to use Kang Huiju for their plans. He doesn't want to hurt anybody, much less Inha, the one friend he holds closest to his heart. There are certain lines Taeoh refuses to cross and the bitterness in his heart is not worth tainting what little goodness remains in his life.

"Sorry," he breathes even though Seri isn't aware of what exactly it is that he's apologising for. "I'm sorry."

Taeoh can feel her eyes on him even in the dark. She observes as he presses his knuckles to his mouth. It's wishful thinking but if she were to offer him comfort, maybe even a reassuring word or two, he wouldn't be opposed to it. But the two of them haven't let the other into their life at all. Why would she even bother?

Seri somberly steps back. "I should go," she says quietly. The second she utters it, his home somehow grows colder.

Her footsteps make their way towards the door. He feels her hover for a moment and look over her shoulder. The metal door creaks as Seri slips out and Taeoh remains standing in the dark. The temptation to call her back, to let himself fall into her arms, remains. He should have turned the lights on, should've allowed himself to do more than just exist. But he knows it's not the answer. If anything, it's the worst possible thing he can do to everyone around him.

Taeoh clenches his fists and decides that for today, he'll be kind to himself. He'll let this moment of weakness pass over him. He will throw himself a pity party, unpacking all the misfortune and misery he has endured, and obsess over the what-ifs until sleep takes him. But only for tonight.

Tomorrow, he'll get back to work.

•✧•

Chapter Text

Seri's friends prioritise Taeri's surprise birthday party over their residency applications and sub-internships. Most of them have spent time babysitting the preschooler in their faculty library, with them studying and her doing her homework side by side. It surprises Seri that they'd drop all their plans on a Friday evening to celebrate her kid turning six.

"I'm not sure how long I can keep this up," Seri whispers furtively into her phone, hiding around the corner from Taeri while still keeping an eye on her. "She's already tried every single arcade game twice."

"Don't blame me!" Inha whines from the other end. "Taeoh still hasn't picked out a present."

In the back, she can hear Taeoh order him tersely, Pull over here. We haven't been to that store yet.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Inha sasses back before returning to her, "Seriously. This guy just can't make up his mind. I didn't even think twice before signing a cheque."

"You wrote her a cheque!?" Seri and, coincidentally, Taeoh exclaim in unison. "Are you nuts?" She blurts, "There's no need for that. There's no need for any more presents either. Taeri was quite happy after flaunting her new outfit—"

Tell her to hang up, she hears Taeoh grumble followed by the click of a door. Inha sighs loudly and mumbles 'see you later'.

Seri and Taeri spend another fifteen minutes at the claw machine before heading home. Taeri sits up front in the car, soundly sipping her raspberry lemonade and peeping out of the window.

"Sorry we couldn't have the party you wanted," Seri lies, hands on the steering wheel.

"That's okay," Taeri sticks her tongue out to check her reflection in the side view mirror and titters happily at the patch of pinkish red from the lemonade. "I've seen you cry about your tests so it's more important for Auntie Zara and the others to study."

Seri bites the inside of her cheek to stifle an amused laugh.

The soon-to-be six-year-old then pouts and wiggles her toes. "I thought Taeoh would come though," she mutters.

"Hey, you're not supposed to call him by name. He's older than you."

She rolls her eyes at the reprimand. "Dunno. Calling him ahjusshi or uncle or anything else. It sounds weird."

Their street is surprisingly empty save for the usual cars crammed under the streetlights and narrow lanes. It's not too late in the night but it's still oddly quiet. Well, Seri knows it's not odd. Their neighbours are currently ducking behind the sofa and the shelves and the tables at her house.

"Why don't you open the door while I get our shopping out?" Seri says, gesturing at the boot of the car.

"Okay." Taeri hops out of the car, grabs the keys, and hops up the stairs. She pokes her tongue against her cheek as she fiddles with the lock. Seri comes up behind as she turns the knob. "Oh?" Taeri tilts her head curiously, "We left the porch light on, didn't we?"

"Did we?" Seri feigns confusion. "Must've gone out. Come on, now. I can't wait to rest my feet."

Even after a long day of excitement, Taeri continues chattering happily about the Hello Kitty doll house they just bought. She doesn't pay attention to the darkened living room nor that Seri doesn't switch on the lights behind her. She clasps Seri's hand and tugs her impatiently into the living room, eager to open her new toys.

The lights turn on, startling Taeri. Their neighbours and Seri's friends pop out from behind the furniture, balloons and streamers tangled in her hands and (in Woosung's case) necks. They've gone overboard with the decorations but it doesn't matter.

"Suprise!"

Inha, as expected, is the loudest. Taeri's gasp is drowned out by the noisemakers and the cheers. She jumps up and down, shaking Seri's hand, and squeals in delight. Yebin has a handycam pointed at her and Zara carries a cake shaped like a unicorn's head. Taeri runs to Inha who picks her up without a second thought and spins her.

"Alright, munchkin. At least you make a proper wish before blowing out the candles," he instructs her, side-eyeing Taeoh who stands in the back, awkward but cordial.

"Okay. I wish—"

Taeri is met with immediate protests that make her giggle. "You can't say your wish out loud!" Inha complains childishly, flicking her nose.

She scrunches her eyes shut, tension in her brow at the sheer focus she exercises, and clutches her little palms together like she's praying. She sucks in a deep breath and blows dramatically. For a moment, it reminds Seri of Taeoh from months ago, when she had been tricked into coming for his birthday brunch. The room explodes into a ridiculously out-of-tune Happy Birthday song.

Taeoh, who was left in charge of the party popper, struggles to set it off. Nobody except Seri notices. She shuffles over to him, extending a hand. "I got this," he mutters, obviously not 'getting it'.

"You're holding it wrong," Seri comments, reaching for the popper. There's a light struggle. He doesn't like that she's correcting him and she can't stand that he doesn't get it in one go. "Honestly, have you never — no, don't point it at me!"

With a loud bang that incites a shriek from her, Seri and Taeoh are assaulted by a blast of confetti and bits of shiny streamers in their faces. The living room falls silent. Taeoh meets her eye with a deadpan expression. She raises her arms in mock surrender. "This is on you."

"Right," he scoffs, "Because you can't go two seconds without meddling."

Before the argument can grow, Inha steps in. He clicks his tongue at them like they're kids in a playground arguing over who rules the sandbox. "I'm sending you two out if you start bickering here," Inha jabs a threatening finger their way. Taeri laughs behind her hands.

Yebin stops recording and closes the display panel. She leans over to Zara and quite audibly whispers, "Yeah, I see it now."

Whatever quip Seri wants to throw at Inha and Taeoh dies in her throat. Taeri flings her arms in the air, nearly toppling Inha's balance, and exclaiming, "Mammy, this is the best day ever!"

Woosung turns on the music and Seri excuses herself to cry in the bathroom for the next three minutes.

•✧•

It's a good opportunity to unwind, her friends tell her. And Taeri is happy so it's all good.

Inha puts on an act and whispers a psst at her. He calls her over with a discreet wave, pretending that what they're doing is illegal, and slips her the cheque he wrote. Like with all the presents she's received so far, she holds them in both hands and bows low. Then, she brings up the cheque at eye level and counts the zeros, the way she's seen Seri do, and exclaims.

"Holy crap!"

Seri's head instantly turns, abandoning her conversation with Grandma Fish and a Ghanaian neighbour about their rising water bill. She stomps down the living room to the kitchen and digs her knuckle into Taeri's head. "What have we said about such phrases?" She scolds her, ignoring Inha as he chides her for being harsh on the kid.

"To not say it in front of people?" Taeri gingerly. She raises her shoulders and holds up the cheque, "But you'd say the same if you saw this."

Seri counts the zeros. "What the f—"

"Hey, now!" Inha presses his palms over Taeri's ears. "There are kids here." Like that'll help. It's bad parenting, yes, but Seri's used fouler curse words in front of her before. Taeri's just sensible enough to not repeat them.

"Inha, this is mental," Seri snaps at him, "You're not giving her so much money."

Her friends float over to peep into the cheque over her shoulder. Woosung's eyes nearly pop out while Yebin mumbles something about her birthday being in March. Inha, however, shrugs casually, "It's her prize for completing the challenge."

Taeoh looks up from his glass of orange soda and scowls at him from the kitchen table.

"This is so cool," Taeri stands on her tiptoes and gapes at the paper, "Does this mean we can finally adopt Stellaluna?"

Seri snaps her head in her direction. "What—no! We're not raising a fruit bat, Taeri."

She pouts dramatically, slinking behind Inha's long legs. "Not when I have the money," they hear her grumble.

•✧•

Taeoh tries and fails at holding small talk. There's only so many times he can complain about the deteriorating standard of life with the old fishmonger Taeri affectionately calls Grandma Fish and there's only so much advice he can offer to the new Nepali and Ghanaian immigrant families who have moved into the neighbourhood. But he's here, in his best (button-up) shirt, because he had given his word to Taeri so he shouldn't haunt the corners of the house and sulk.

When he waddles over to the only other familiar face to save his life, Zara and her classmates stare at him like they're in the middle of a joke they refuse to let him in on. "How did you and Seri meet?" Woosung asks. Unlike the girls, his Korean is still heavily accented.

"I, uh…" Taeoh panics that they know he and Seri have slept together. Of course, they would. The existence of Han Taeri would've brought up the possibility and Seri would've divulged the truth to them like gossip. "We lived in the same village and she was Inha's friend. I briefly worked under her uncle."

"And under her," Zara smugly shoots him a look. Yebin digs her elbow into her side, admonishing her. But something tells Taeoh that it's not out of respect for him but because she's uncomfortable with the topic.

In any case, Taeoh stiffens his spine and grumbles, "Keep your voice down."

"You'll have to try harder than that if you want to keep it a secret," she answers, satisfied by his reaction. He narrows his eyes, genuinely confused, and she leans closer, tucking a coiled strand behind her ear. "Thing is, Han Taeoh," she sighs, "I'm really sorry you have to hear this from me but you need to know."

He leans away, already disliking what she's about to say. "Zara—"

"Your thrifted straight-cut baggy jeans do little to hide your raging hard-on for Seri."

Her statement is met with mixed responses; Yebin, per usual, cringes in discomfort while a lightbulb turns on in Woosung's brain, making him realise what they had been discussing for much of the party. Taeoh, however, blinks in mild disgust combined with disbelief.

"I'm not wearing my 'thrifted straight-cut baggy jeans'," is all he has to say. No, he's actually made an effort to iron his only pair of black slacks for today.

Zara crosses one leg over the other, proud of her one-liner, and replies, "All the more difficult to keep it hidden today."

He doesn't linger for long after, afraid that he's unconsciously staring at Kim Seri like a leecher from the shadows. He swept bits of streamers off the shelves, rinsed out the used glasses, and picked at the tablecloth's corner while observing the little gathering from the dining table. But no matter how busy he forces himself to be, he finds his eyes inevitably drawn to whichever corner Seri has shifted to.

Something tells him her wine-coloured blouse is to be held guilty. It's sleeveless and short and tight, and the birthmark on the back of her neck is on display. His hands know how it feels to slide themselves down the bend of her stomach but they wouldn't mind a refresher. Seri will dig her nails into his chest, drag her tongue up his throat, and he'll climb over her, crushing his mouth to hers and—

Zara walks past him, clearing her throat obnoxiously.

He scrambles back into the kitchen, obsessively cleaning the frosting-covered forks.

Slowly, when Taeri grows drowsy in Seri's lap and her mother declares that she should thank everyone and bid them goodnight, Taeoh also decides to leave. It's not too late so he can maybe get some studying done. Taeri doesn't go without throwing her arms around Taeoh's neck when he crouches to say goodbye.

"Thanks for keeping your promise," she yawns adorably.

Taeoh feels like shit. Everyone had boldly declared their presents for her while he had quietly hidden his dumb goldfish plushie at the top of the stairs by what he had been told was Taeri's room. He waits for a few neighbours to leave before subtly telling Inha that he's going to go too.

"Should I drive you back?" Inha asks, cake frosting drying on the tip of his nose.

He raises his brows in amusement. "No, it's fine," he says, "It's barely ten. I'll take the bus."

However, Taeoh doesn't even reach the front gates when Taeri calls at him from the balcony. He turns, tilting his head up. He sees her peek from between the railing bars. Taeri's holding the stuffed goldfish toy he got her in a vice grip, hugging it close to her cheek. She's already changed into her nightgown.

"Are you leaving?" She asks. She speaks like Yeun Suah too, he notes. Always ending her sentences on a soft, high note.

"Yeah."

She hums, swinging slightly. "Why didn't you talk to me today?"

"I didn't?" Taeoh can't recall. He had wished her, of course. There was a point where she had talked his ear off about a fishing boat while shaking his arm. Apart from that, Taeoh had mostly struggled to keep his eyes off Seri. "You had so many people over. I thought they'd all want to talk to you," he says, "I couldn't take up all your time and keep you from them."

Taeri ponders over his answer for the briefest moment before finding it acceptable. "Then," she excitedly asks, "will you take my time now?"

"What?" He laughs, fairly amused. Taeoh doubts anyone has ever managed to brighten his life up the way this kid has.

"My Irish granny sent me books!" She tells him, "Do you want to read them together?"

Sneaking back into the house is easy. He casually strolls up the stairs to Taeri's room, which is right over the living room and the entrance of the house. Taeri stands at her door and does a little hop when she sees him. She's still clutching onto the goldfish for dear life.

Seeing Taeri cradle his present so affectionately, Taeoh is filled with a rare joy that he doubts he's ever felt before. She takes him by the hand and tugs him into her room.

As they step inside, Taeoh takes a moment to absorb the surroundings. Taeri's room is a delightful chaos of colours and stuffed animals. Posters of cartoon characters cover the walls, and there's a bookshelf overflowing with children's books. A small desk is cluttered with crayons, paper, and half-finished drawings. Her bed, covered in a patchwork quilt, is the focus of the room. Taeoh can imagine the effort Seri must have put in to make the room inviting and warm. It's so…happy.

Taeri nestles against her giant pillow behind her back and continues to chirp happily about her new books, something titled 'The Berenstain Bears' that Taeoh's never heard of but apparently Seri grew up reading.

"Will you let go of the fish?" Taeoh asks, amused at how she balances holding onto it while turning pages.

"You know, I don't feel like letting Goldie go at all," she raises her brows like she's surprised at herself.

"She has a name now?"

Taeri nods. "I've never gotten so many gifts before, but she's my favourite ever." She looks up at him, sleepy eyes sparkling, "Thank you for remembering. This is the best day ever."

•✧•

Inha is the last to leave. He offers to help her clean up but Seri politely declines. He doesn't insist, casually slipping in that Hyewon should be back from work and waiting for him. Only then does Seri remember that he's dating her. When he steps forward for a hug, Seri leans away. She's been here for several years now but the way dating's viewed here is much different from what she's used to. She wants to avoid offending Hyewon or giving her the wrong idea.

"Thanks for coming tonight," Seri smiles at Inha.

He nods, one hand in his pocket. "Of course."

"Drive safe."

"See you around."

He looks over his shoulder before disappearing out the gate. Seri stays until she sees his car drive past and heads back inside.

The state of the living room leaves her tired for tomorrow. The kitchen, though, is surprisingly clean. She doesn't remember if any of the guests rinsed the glasses and cleared away the trash but she's immensely grateful. And guilty. After a quick inspection, she hurries up the stairs to check on Taeri.

Seri opens the door to her room very, very quietly only to get the fright of her life. "Sweet sufferin' Jesus —" She jolts because it takes her a second to recognize that the figure slumped next to Taeri on her bed is Taeoh. His arm was dangling over the floor, loosely holding onto a book Seri's mom had mailed for Taeri.

She stomps over, smacking his arm loudly but harmlessly. Taeoh startles awake, momentarily confused about his surroundings. He blinks wearily at Seri, still on the verge of falling back to sleep. "Get up," Seri hisses, moving to the other side of the bed to adjust the covers over Taeri. "I thought you left hours ago!"

"I dozed off." The hoarseness in his voice sends jolts down Seri's neck. A knot forms in her stomach. Wouldn't it be nice if she could get him to whisper in her ear like this? He sucks in a sharp breath and carefully slips out of bed. "What time is it?"

Taeri is fast asleep, breathing soundly. Considering how exhausted she was after the party, it's unlikely that she'll wake up before seven tomorrow.

"Past midnight," Seri answers. She presses a kiss to Taeri's forehead before switching off the lights. "Are you drunk?"

"No." Taeoh's shirt is wrinkled and untucked. His hair is dishevelled but Seri's convinced that he'd look even better with her fingers gripping the roots. When he brushes past her, she unwittingly sniffs loudly.

They tiptoe out of the room. "Hang on," she says, "Why do you smell like soap detergent?"

"I don't," he replies, pointedly avoiding looking at her. Taeoh more or less rushes down the stairs but she manages to block his path.

It's congested on the stairs. Taeoh looks like he's almost stopped breathing. Whatever his reason might have been to rinse out the dishes or clear away the shelves, Seri is oddly grateful to him. She opens her mouth to try and thank him but he beats her to it. "Don't tell Inha I fell asleep here," he says.

"What? Why?" She wasn't exactly planning on it but it has her curious nonetheless.

He turns defensive and averts his gaze. "It's…complicated," he manages weakly, "I don't want to get into it." Maybe he's thinking about Na Hyewon.

The air between them feels heavy. Seri tries to lighten the mood and extend an olive branch for the night. "It's quite late," she smiles faintly, "You could just stay the night."

Her smile vanishes when she hears him laugh snidely. Taeoh forces himself past her, shaking his head. "Really?" He ridicules her, "Were you waiting for us to be alone so that you could be more upfront about it?"

"What are you talking about?" She descends the stairs after him.

"Playing dumb doesn't suit you, Seri."

His holier-than-thou tone grates her nerves. She stomps up to him, spinning him by the shoulder, and jabs a finger in his chest. "I don't know what the fuck you're on about," she hisses, "but I meant because it's late, you can maybe sleep on the couch and leave tomorrow."

"My bad." He doesn't sound like it's his bad. "You never shied away in the past so I assumed."

"Well, you assumed wrong. You're a good ride, sure, but not everyone wants to fuck you."

Taeoh pauses, momentarily confused by her mistranslation. There's something about the way he narrows his eyes, trying to understand what she actually meant, that makes her groan in exasperation. "You're so fucking stupid sometimes, Taeoh," she says.

Her mouth is on him, effectively cutting off whatever clever retort he has cued. While she works the buttons on his shirt, Taeoh angrily yet carefully eases out her hairtie. His hands are all over her and Seri thinks she might melt into an embarrassing puddle from the way her body reacts to his touch. He bites her lip and sucks hard, and they forget for a second that they're supposed to be quiet.

"Bedroom," he pants, pushing off the straps of her blouse.

Seri takes him by the hand and they stumble past the staircase and down the hallway to her room. She barely manages to lock the door behind her when Taeoh pins her against it, sliding his tongue over hers. They pause for the briefest moment, lips barely touching. Taeoh's fingers skim her waistline, toying with the zipper on her skirt. His hot breath fans her face and she feels excruciatingly lightheaded. She doesn't think she can make it to the bed at this point.

Taeoh snaps out of the daze the moment he feels her unbutton his trousers. He nearly rips her skirt off, pausing again when he spots the tattoo of a lily on her abdomen. Seri rolls her eyes and pulls him back on her mouth. She steps out of her skirt, peels his shirt off, and backs him onto the bed. Taeoh lands on the mattress and props himself up on his elbows, watching as Seri takes off her blouse.

Her skin prickles at how closely he's watching the tattoos on her body. The slick between her thighs makes her quiver with impatience and she straddles him. Only for Taeoh to roll her over and press her under him. Unlike her, he takes his time despite his very apparent arousal, and scrutinizes the ink on her—a paper crane under her right breast, the lily on the tip of her pelvis, a minuscule half moon-half sun over her belly button, and a very detailed strip of design around her left thigh that resembles embroidered lace. He runs the tip of his finger over them, pointedly ignoring her dampness.

"Hmm," he presses a kiss over the moon and sun, and comments in English, "Basic."

Seri raises her knee, brushing it between his legs and inciting a hiss. "Fuck off."

It's all hands in the beginning. Taeoh trembles in her palms like the novice he is while Seri grinds against his fingers in desperation. Her heart pounds all over her body but she's also exhausted but he's also so, so good at this that she almost forgets that they were arguing ten minutes ago.

Foreheads pressed together, Seri watches Taeoh bury himself in her. Her back arches, her legs tighten around his waist, and the shockwaves that course through her are scorching. She nearly bites her tongue off, winding her fingers in his hair, because he doesn't understand that she doesn't want him to be this…this sweet.

Harder. Seri snaps her hips into his, praying that he takes the hint. There. Right there. The bed screeches when Taeoh flips her on her stomach. Again. Touch me here. She sinks her face into the pillow, stretching and stretching as muddled sentences roll off her tongue. Don't stop. Please. More. She loses control of her speech but she's sure Taeoh laughs when she cries about how she doesn't want to forget how he burns over her skin, how she wants him, how she loves the way he feels inside her.

Seri nearly slides off the bed and Taeoh's forced to turn her on her back, holding her head in his hands. Their sweat-slick bodies meld into one as he picks up the rhythm. Taeoh inadvertently gasps her name and the sound of it is exhilarating. Through heavy-lidded eyes, she takes in his flushed face and the sheen on his forehead, and realises it's possible to want him more viscerally than she already does.

Their limbs tangle as Taeoh shifts them on their sides, facing each other. Seri scrambles to hold him again.

In her haste, her knuckles collide harshly against something on her nightstand. A loud crash follows, halting Taeoh. They both raise their heads to look down from the bed. Her cherished mosaic lamp lies shattered on the floor.

"Ah, fuck," Seri whines, "That was limited edition!"

•✧•

"My stepfather wasn't a murderer," Taeoh suddenly breaks the silence that's fallen over them. Seri turns to face him and finds him on his back, sheets snug around his bare waist, as he stares at the ceiling. "He wasn't one but he could've been. So I staged it. I framed him for my mother's death and sent her away before moving to Maju."

Seri felt the corners of her mouth turn into a frown. She knew his mother was alive and that they weren't in touch. Seo Jisook, her uncle had said but refused to tell her anything more than a few schooltime stories. Seri had never insisted. It simply wasn't her business. "Where did you send her?"

"Asked her to be a monk and sent her to a temple that's almost three hours from here," Taeoh replies from somewhere far, far away from the bed they're sharing.

She doesn't need to ask to know that he still doesn't get to see her. Three hours away and Taeoh can't see the only family he has because he's afraid of putting her in danger, that his stepfather might find her. Seri can't imagine not being able to see her mom for years on end. Sure, it's something similar at the moment but they Skype a lot and call each other every other day.

Taeoh shifts to meet her gaze, hand folded under his head, and Seri finds it difficult to not stare at him. The stretch of his muscle, the curve of his neck, the tilt of his jaw, his eyes and his mouth that were minutes ago—Seri takes a second to breathe and stop her brain from flying ahead of itself. Alas, Han Taeoh is still beautiful. Even with that terrible haircut he can't seem to get rid of.

"You asked me why I'm so deadset on KangOh," his voice is a little more than a whisper, "It's because I've never seen my father's face. Because I spent years living in an underground apartment where that man beat my mother and me until we couldn't breathe." His mouth sets in a straight, furious line. "The cops don't help people like us. The system cannot save us until we squeeze out blood from our bones. I want KangOh, Seri, because I want power. I want to stand above the fireworks and watch them disappear into the night. I don't ever want to be touched by the shadows I was born in."

Something shifts in her when she listens to him speak. There's a fierce thrumming in her chest. Seri knows that he is clever but this is the first time she actually feels it. The sheer confidence he speaks with has her convinced that Han Taeoh can conquer the world if he sets his mind to it.

She moves closer to him and he places a hand over her rib. "And how did you end up choosing Kang Inha for this?" She asks, "Or rather, how did you choose KangOh I should say?"

"I saw Inha staring out of his penthouse one night," he answers, his thumb brushing the underside of her breast, "and the plan pretty much formed itself."

"Oh, wow," Seri blows out a puff of air at the anticlimactic response, "I thought you had some personal vendetta against the company."

"It's a conglomerate," he corrects.

"Christ. I deeply apologise for the mixup, Professor Han." The fingers that had been stroking her pinch her in response. The sound that escapes Seri's mouth is a mix of a moan and a mewl. She arches into his palm before rolling on top of him. She leans down to nip his lower lip between her teeth in retaliation. The hiss from the back of his throat almost makes her slink lower.

Instead, Seri nuzzles into his neck and lies down on him. "As much as I have enjoyed listening to your tale," she drawls, "and your dream of rising above the demos, I need to sleep before you start twitching under me again."

Taeoh's fingertips turn to caress her back, gliding down the ridge. Goosebumps prickle her skin at the sensation. It's worse because she knows he can feel them too just the way he can feel her clenching her thighs. "I don't know," Taeoh pretends to sigh, "You seem pretty riled up out of the two of us."

"I mean it." He reaches down, hooks his hand under her knee, and drapes her leg across his waist. His fingers close over the strip of ink that runs around her thigh. "It's almost morning and I have things to do apart from you."

There's a scoff from the back of his throat but, nevertheless, he obliges. They both mind their hands and limbs and other parts of their bodies, and avoid grinding against each other too provocatively.

After what feels like a long stretch of silence, Seri slowly says his name. He grunts, nearly asleep. "I think you should see your mom before your graduation."

He stills under her. Seri thinks she's wrong to have brought this up. That if Inha or Hyewon were to say this, he'd be less likely to be pissed off. But Taeoh doesn't lose his temper at all. "I can't risk putting her in danger. I can't risk my father finding out about her."

"I don't think it's worth putting her through hell while trying to keep her safe." She lifts her head, propping herself up on her knuckles, and finds him already looking at her. There's a trace of pain in his eyes. "I didn't give birth to Taeri so it's different, I know," Seri says, "But I feel like death when I'm away from her even for a day."

She leans towards his mouth. He waits in anticipation, gaze flickering at her face and then her lips. Instead, she kisses his cheek and lies down with her back to him.

•✧•

Though he leaves before Taeri is up, Taeoh's considerate enough to wake Seri to let her know. She doesn't offer breakfast, doesn't know whether it's appropriate to or not. They don't even know what it is exactly that they have going on between them.

Seri does, however, hand him a thin grey jacket to throw over his unkempt clothes from last night. Taeoh eyes it suspiciously before glancing at the black one she's wearing over her shorts and shirt. She knows he knows it's Inha's. "Don't worry," she assures him, "That one belongs to an ex-boyfriend I haven't seen in months."

"Right." Taeoh is unconvinced but he wears it anyway.

They hover near the front door, not sure how to do…whatever this is. "I'll…see you around?" Seri says but it comes off more as a question.

"Yeah." Taeoh slips out of the front door. She doesn't follow. Half a second later, he pokes his head back in. "Just so we're on the same page," he says like they're negotiating some sort of a business deal, "This isn't—"

"Oh, yeah. No strings attached," Seri waves her hand. "I needed last night pretty badly. And by the looks of it, so did you."

His eyebrow jerks in irritation. "I didn't need a pity fuck," he says.

Seri laughs, never having heard him use such coarse language. Taeoh has a talent for arousing her through his refined words. "Go back to your spreadsheets, nerd," she says shooing him.

He rolls his eyes at her and all of a sudden, she's overcome by the urge to plead with him to stay. Stay forever. Maybe I can learn to like you. Maybe we can work something out. A part of her begins to miss him before he even has the chance to close the gates behind him. Seri quietly slinks closer to the window beside the front door and watches Taeoh walk down the street, towards the bus stop, and disappear out of sight.

Her body, strangely, feels colder. So does her bedroom when she returns to pick up her clothes.

Seri stands at the foot of her bed, staring at the tangled sheets on her mattress. She spends a whole two minutes seriously wondering whether she's begun to develop feelings for Han Taeoh. Then, she lets out a disbelieving "ha!" and laughs to herself, "After one night of good sex? Please. It's all because I haven't touched a man in a long time."

She raises her hands over her head, stretches, and drags her feet to the kitchen.

•✧•

Taeoh prepares for graduation and military enlistment at the same time. When he's not working on his thesis, he busies himself with the meticulously crafted project he plans on presenting to Professor Chae. Only now, Professor Chae has turned into Manager Chae—an employee of Kangoh with a cushy office, all thanks to the proposal Taeoh created for him.

After the success that was the Co-Prosperity Cooperation Center, Taeoh has painstakingly mapped a plan for transnational research collaborations. Though there are another few months before the Center comes into existence, the project is a guaranteed ticket to secure him a position at Kangoh. Taking into account, of course, that there's no way Manager Chae was going to get his hands on the proposal without printing Taeoh's name on it.

While it is one step in his grand road to Kangoh, Taeoh also uses it as an excuse to distance himself from Inha and, by default, Hyewon. It doesn't work that well, of course. Though Hyewon has completely moved out of her apartment and Inha's done with a majority of his final exams, she still joins Taeoh for a drink at their spot by the water tank and he still drops by unannounced.

Taeoh likes spending time with his…friends—he's not sure whether to count Hyewon as a friend. They know each other quite well and have almost gotten over the awkwardness that came with the dating news but Taeoh still isn't comfortable with calling her a friend. Before she was Inha's girlfriend, she had been his person. Though, sometimes, the time they spend together on the rooftop without Inha's knowledge makes him worry that they're going behind his back.

But to reiterate, Taeoh likes spending time with the two. Who he really enjoys dedicating his time to, however, is Han Taeri. He still finds her sitting on the cot outside, swinging her feet while doing her homework. Somedays, he walks her home where they sit at the dining table together, both working on their own assignments, until Seri stumbles home smelling of disinfectant.

Nothing of importance happens. Taeoh and Seri don't find themselves tripping into each other's bed with their clothes ripped off either.

Until it's the day of his thesis defence and he walks out of the seminar hall, absolutely confident about his presentation. Before he can respond to Inha's string of messages, Taeoh answers a call from an unknown number.

"Hi, it's me!" His heart rate spikes when he recognizes Taeri's voice. All he can imagine are a hundred different horrific ways the phone call can go.

"Taeri," he panics, sweating through his shirt and blazer, "Are you okay? What happened? Where are you?"

"I'm okay," she nervously says, "I called from the school telephone."

He pauses to take a deep, deep breath to calm himself. "Okay," he says, "What's wrong?"

"Um…I got into trouble and mom didn't pick up the phone. So the teacher wants to see you." See him? "Will you come get me? Please?"

He's at her school gates within the next fifteen minutes. The security guard eyes him up and down, raises his brows, and points him to the principal's office. Taeoh feels out of place as he walks down the corridors, past the cartoon murals on the walls. If he were to be honest, it's a little daunting.

He finds Taeri sitting alone outside of the principal's office. She has a wad of tissue paper pressed firmly against her nose as she kicks her feet patiently. His feet pick up speed when he sees that the rolled-up tissue is stained with blood.

"Taeri," he rushes over and kneels in front of her. "What is this? What happened?" He tilts her face gently, picks up on the dried tear trails marring her round face, and checks her injury.

She looks up at him with teary eyes. "I got into a fight with a classmate."

Taeoh's brow furrows. "A fight?" The amount of rage that fills him at the sight of dried blood under her nose surprises him.

She's too hesitant to answer him. Before she can make up her mind, the office door swings open and a young woman steps out. Her annoyed expression melts when she spots Taeoh. She welcomes them overzealously, faltering only when Taeoh shoots her a look of contemptuous apathy.

Taeri shakes her arm gently to grab his attention before they go in. She gestures to him to bend so that she can whisper to him. "I might've told a small big lie about you," she admits timidly.

"I'll deal with it, don't worry."

The principal, a middle-aged woman, is quite evidently taken aback when she sees Taeoh walking in. She's at the head of a table, detached from her work desk, with a well-dressed woman and her (uninjured, Taeoh notes) son sitting adjacent to her. Taeri clasps Taeoh's hand tighter when the boy sneers at her.

"And…you are Han Taeri's father?" The principal asks suspiciously.

Taeoh freezes. Obviously. He had expected something like an uncle or a distant cousin. "Yes," he plays along to Taeri's 'small big lie'. "I apologise for delaying. I was caught up with work. My name's Han Taeoh."

The woman at the table scoffs. "That name's a choice," she says under her breath, glaring at Taeri.

"We usually see Ms. Kim regarding issues with this student," the principal glances down at her notes, "You aren't on our documents."

"I'm not listed as her father on the school records for safety reasons due to the nature of my work," he explains smoothly, taking a seat at the table. He nods at Taeri to sit next to him. "I'm here because Seri couldn't be reached."

"Well, Taeri was involved in a fight with a classmate today," she begins only for the other woman to leap to interfere.

Disdainfully, she snaps at him, "Your daughter is a menace. You should withdraw her from this school and put her back into society when she learns some manners." She crosses her arms and looks away, "Attacking innocent children like an animal…This is what happens when the parents are too busy locked up in their offices and leave their responsibilities out on the street."

Fury flares in Taeoh's chest. He clenches his fists and reels in his temper.

"That's not true!" Taeri cries, clutching his elbow, "He said a bad word about mom. I didn't do anything. I tried to ignore him but he wouldn't leave me alone. He said all the moms call her that. When I told him to go away, he pushed me!"

The woman immediately erupts with conceited arrogance. "So not only does your daughter act violent but she also makes things up," she exclaims.

"I'm not lying," Taeri begs, sniffling, "I tried to go to the playground but he punched me. I didn't say anything to him. I don't talk to him at all."

"Yeah, that's cuz you're a freak," the boy snickers to himself. His mother nudges him harshly to keep his mouth shut.

God, what Taeoh wouldn't give to backhand the brat.

He shifts, wipes the tears off Taeri's face and reassures her. "I believe you," he says, "I know you didn't do anything wrong." Before the women can burst into protests, he turns to the principal. Both women are dressed expensively. They must be quite affluent, no doubt. But Taeoh knows how to steel his spine and own his confidence. "I understand how awkward it must be for you in your position," he speaks calmly but something about his expression makes the principal flinch. "But it must also be embarrassing to exercise your power like this."

She laughs nervously, "Now, Mr.Han, let this conversation remain civil."

"Civil?" He repeats, amused by her audacity, "You, as adults responsible at school, gang up on a student who, if anything, is the victim here. You accuse her of lying, leave her alone in the hallway while she's hurt and without first aid, and you have the gall to demand that I withdraw her from school? Remind me exactly why I should be the one to act civil in this situation."

Though the principal looks nervous, as she hadn't expected such a response, the mother doesn't stand down. "Like we have the time to discuss her absent mother," she jeers, "I don't know what kind of stories your child makes up in her head—"

"Lying is miles apart from raising a hand," Taeoh cuts her off viciously, "Your son attacked my daughter, ma'am. I suggest you stop trying to twist the narrative just because you wrongly thought her parents were absent and inattentive. If you didn't gossip about Kim Seri then I wonder how your son learned the words he did."

"He never—"

Aggravated, the boy blurts, "But it's true! They all call her that. Because Han Taeri's mom is a foreigner who dresses weird and has ink on her!"

His mother slaps his arm, hissing at him to keep quiet. Taeri cowers as the woman snidely looks at the principal. "The parents' association are concerned," she defends herself, "That woman is never at any of the meetings. She isn't attentive to her child and arrives late to appointments. And those ghastly thug-like tattoos…" The woman spirals into a rant as the principal's face morphs into helpless panic.

Taeoh clasps his hands together over his lap and takes a deep breath.

•✧•

The woman, red-faced and on the verge of tears, gathers her son in her fancy SUV and drives off, blowing dust clouds in her wake.

Taeoh doesn't bother glancing her way. He carries Taeri in his arms, her weeping face buried in the crook of his neck, while her school bag hangs from his other shoulder. "There, now. There's no need to cry anymore," Taeoh says soothingly, "He's never going to bother you again."

It's true. Taeoh hadn't even raised his voice but he had managed to extract a profuse apology from the humiliated mother and son. And the principal.

Taeri continues to sob, blubbering how sorry she is and that she'll never get into trouble again. He stops walking, one arm under her knees and the other across her back. "I'm not mad, Taeri," he tells her, "I told you, right? I believe you. You didn't do anything wrong."

She rubs her eyes with her fists. "Even when I lied?" She hiccups.

"I would've appreciated a heads-up but considering the situation, I say we handled things fine."

Taeri wraps her arms around his neck and lays her ear over his shoulder. "Can we go home?"

They take a taxi back to her house. She falls asleep in the ten-minute cab ride, exhausted from the crying. Taeoh taps her awake when they arrive and she refuses to let go of his hand even when they climb up the stairs to the front door. Surprisingly, Seri's already home.

She opens the door, utterly baffled at the sight. "What are you doing here?" She exclaims when the two slowly shuffle inside. "Taeri, you're supposed to be in school for a couple more hours."

Taeri's lips quiver. She flings herself at her mom with a teary cry. Seri immediately sits down on the ground, gathering her in her arms. It's completely opposite to the reaction Taeoh had imagined her to have. He thought she might yell first and ask questions later like she usually does with him.

She rubs Taeri's back, murmuring that it's all okay and no, she's not mad and yes, Taeri can take two days off from school if she wants to. She puts Taeri to bed and switches off the stoves, leaving the lunch she was cooking, and sits at the dining table, rubbing her temple. She looks understandably tortured.

"You mind telling me what that was all about?" She asks curtly.

Taeoh makes it look brief, tells her that Taeri was hurt and that the mother wasn't willing to admit that her precious boy had done anything wrong. He leaves out the part where he led the staff to believe that he's Taeri's dad and says that he ensured Taeri wouldn't get bullied again. For good measure, because Seri can't stop referring to the boy as 'that wee cunt', he describes the mother's humbled face as she fled with her sanctimonious tail between her legs.

"I don't even know where she got your number from," Seri wonders before hiding her embarrassed face behind her palms. She groans, muttering in English about how Taeri deserves better. "Thank you," she says, cheeks flushing, "and…I'm sorry she called you instead. I had a half shift today and thought I'd surprise her. But, well."

"I don't mind," Taeoh tells her truthfully.

He doesn't stay long, politely rejecting Seri's lunch offer. He loosens the tie around his neck only after he's crossed over the threshold of his apartment and eases his muscles. He can vaguely feel Inha's incessant texts making his phone vibrate to the point of shattering. Even Hyewon's called and texted him.

He postpones responding to the messages and falls face-first on his bed, passing out for the day.

•✧•

Two days later, Taeoh stumbles home drunk after a night of celebrating their unofficial graduation with Inha and Hyewon. Dinner and drinks had never felt more uncomfortable, considering how Hyewon had made it a point to latch onto Inha.

They had discussed KangOh and their respective roles. Hyewon would endeavour to join the PR team of whichever politician Kang Joongmo would support in the long run. It was Taeoh's job to run the analysis and figure out which politician would be most useful to the Chairman. Inha, on the other hand, would work towards tunnelling his way to Bisunjae while keeping his ears close to the ground. He was exempt from military conscription, thanks to his bloodline and their connections, and was on the cusp of joining Kangoh, albeit at entry level as he had waved off his inheritance rights. He'll work his way up in the two odd years Taeoh will be serving and create an opening for him. Since Taeoh already had Manager Chae's (unwilling) support, his integration would become even smoother.

The evening had been fine, productive even, until Taeoh accidentally spotted Hyewon and Inha in the car while leaving. The bitterness that flooded his mouth was worse than the whisky Inha had forced into his hands.

Taeoh hopes for a quiet night as he lugs himself up the stairs. He wants to wait until he sobers up to finish the last of the second proposal he wants Manager Chae to take a peek at. But he slows down when he spots a thoroughly vexed Kim Seri pacing up and down the front of his apartment.

"You," she snaps furiously, "Oh, I have a bone to pick with you." Her presence comes to him like a lightning bolt, shocking his nerves.

He closes his eyes and exhales soundly. "Can this wait?" He asks, knowing that the answer is no.

He can practically feel her breath down the back of his neck as he fiddles with the lock. "No, absolutely not," she hisses, following him inside. "What the hell were you thinking, parading out as Taeri's dad!?"

"I didn't say anything," he replies. His apartment which had always felt like a tundra when he was all by himself suddenly feels like a blistering desert. "She told her teachers that she was calling her dad. I only found out after the principal clarified. I couldn't exactly say she lied, could I?" He shrugs his overshirt off and reaches for a glass of water.

"You could've told me!" Taeoh spots the ends of her scrubs sticking out from her tote bag when she tosses it aside on a chair. Oh, boy. She doesn't plan on leaving until she's taken a swing at him. "Do you know how awkward it was when the principal said that Han Taeri's father—my husband, apparently—had already handled the matter?"

Taeoh nearly spills water down his front, trying not to choke on it. "I did handle it," he scowls. His head is spinning. It's too fucking hot. And he'd really appreciate it if Kim Seri either adopted a softer tone or stopped talking altogether.

"I didn't know you handled it as a parent! I could've sorted it out if you had just told me. Your name's printed on her papers now."

"Papers that won't matter in a few months because she'll be starting first grade in a different school."

Bewildered, Seri looks ready to smash her fist into his face. Seri's beauty hits him like a tidal wave in moments like these. The fierce light in her eyes, the way her jaw sets in determination—she is magnetic, and he feels himself unwillingly drawn to her. "Papers that the new school will want when she starts first grade."

Seri presses a hand to her forehead, the other one resting on the kitchen counter for support. She bends forward, just a smidge, and the v-neck of her shirt dips further. Taeoh tries and fails to look anywhere else. The tiny sober part of him curses him, calls him a pervert, because barely a month ago, he had scoffed at Seri for wanting to get into his pants. The inebriated part of him pulls him into the same fantasy, reminding him that he'd enjoyed it.

Taeoh nearly misses the new stream of venom Seri spews at him. "The problem isn't the damn documents. It's you and Taeri."

He tries not to fan himself because it's boiling.

"I don't want her to see you as a parental figure, Taeoh." There is regret in her voice. "She's grown attached to you. And after that incident, I think she's going to expect you to show up. I—I appreciate what you're doing for her. I really do. But Taeri's barely six. She won't understand your goals or why you stopped showing up."

"I don't plan on doing that."

"Don't you?" She retorts, searching his face, "You have time now, Taeoh. But you'll become a different person the moment you walk through Kangoh's doors. Being a well-wisher and turning into a pseudo-parent aren't the same. And I don't think you can see that."

Taeoh feels the familiar irritation creep up on him. It always returns when Kim Seri second-guesses him. The frustration makes him want to encase her in his hands. "I can balance both," he says and maybe he sounds cocky. He can't tell. "Besides, I can protect her from Kangoh when the time comes."

"I'd rather the time never came, Taeoh," Seri takes a step closer.

His insides flip and twist and knot uncomfortably. "I really do care for her," he swears, "and I can protect her. I told you that night. I can steer Kangoh away from her. She'll be fine until you decide to leave."

Her expression hardens. "What will you do when the Chairman of Kangoh finds out about your connection to Taeri?" she challenges, her voice trembling with both fear and defiance. "Will you exploit her to take over Hanseung Chemicals? Use her as a pawn on your chessboard?"

"I have a plan—"

"Oh, yes. Mr Know-it-all has a plan for every—"

"—you're a coward—use her?" They're talking over each other, yelling and sneering. "I have boundaries, Seri. Lines that I will never cross. You, however. You're afraid of everything."

"Boundaries?" Seri laughs at him humourlessly, "Is that why you let Hyewon go? Because you didn't want to cross the line that Inha had been drawing—"

In a desperate, impulsive move to get her to stop talking, Taeoh pushes her against the kitchen counter. His lips crash against her, furious and raw with desire. Seri claws at the back of his shirt but she kisses him back, equally fierce. "You," he breathes, hands already peeling off her blouse, "really need to shut up."

Her fingers blaze through his hair and her tongue is just as searing against his. She drawls out a moan, stirring him painfully, when his mouth wanders down to the peak of her breast. "Or what?" She provokes him.

He sweeps her off her feet, ignoring her surprised yelp. Taeoh shoves the books and the papers out of the way before setting Seri down on his table. She catches his shoulder to steady herself, a caustic remark ready to roll off her tongue. "Or I don't eat you out."

Thrillingly, Seri freezes, eyes widening ever so slightly because Han Taeoh is the last person she expects to be so…forthcoming. He hears her suck in a breath when he slides off her jeans. Taeoh kneels, dipping his head between her legs as she grabs onto the window bars by her head. He kisses the inside of her thigh, feels her ankle dig into the centre of his back, and slowly makes his way to her.

"Oh."

It's the softest moan he's ever heard. Not like he's heard anyone except Seri. And there isn't a single sane, decent thought that runs through Taeoh. "You start talking and I stop." The flat of his tongue strokes her languidly and she jolts.

"I can't be quiet," she grits her teeth, fingers scraping through his hair to push him closer, "when you do that."

"I don't know what you mean." This time, Taeoh parts her before sucking, spiteful and unforgiving. Seri's cry is music to his ears. "Not another word, Seri." She whimpers when a finger deftly curls inside her. "I'm sick of hearing you talk all the time."

•✧•

Taeoh falls asleep first. He vaguely hears Seri call someone, asking if they could watch Taeri for the night. The old fishmonger from their neighbourhood, probably. She slips into his small bed and tugs the sheets off him when she turns her back to him. "Grow up," Taeoh mumbles in his sleep, pulling them back.

When she wrenches them closer around her body, Taeoh has no choice but to flatten his chest against her naked back. It's warm and she smells citrusy. His heart picks up speed, gaining momentum and pounding heavily against his ribs. As if she can hear it, Seri intertwines her hand with his, dragging it over her hip, and presses it to her breast. His mouth finds the curve of her neck in the dark and he slides into her. In the quiet of the night, he can only hear her delicate sighs mixed with his heavy breathing.

Taeoh feels boneless. His insides are molten steel. Seri tries to snap her hips into his, begging to pick up pace but Taeoh refuses to be hurried. He takes his time, clamps her against his body and keeps her in place, and fucks her slow. She cries his name repeatedly, until she echoes in his tiny apartment, and comes with a quake. He follows shortly. Neither of them has the strength to clean up but he gets to it anyway.

Taeoh leans over Seri to kiss her—he can tragically never get enough of her mouth—and falls asleep with his lips brushing against her neck.

He jerks awake when she tries to wriggle out from underneath him. "We've overslept," she tells him, running her fingers through his hair. When he pushes himself to get off the bed and gather his clothes, Taeoh notes with distaste that his flat looks like it's been hit by a hurricane. He slips on a pair of shorts but doesn't bother to try and tidy up. Seri stands in the centre of his more-or-less wrecked apartment, wearing one of his round-neck shirts. She raises her hands over her head and stretches. The hem of his shirt that comes up to her thighs rises.

Behave, Taeoh commands himself, can't risk a round number I've-lost-track.

"Spare toothbrush?" Seri asks.

Taeoh could've told her to find one in the cabinet under the bathroom sink but he follows her inside. They stand next to each other while brushing and Seri catches Taeoh looking at her through the mirror. "Stare all you want," she says smugly, "I'm quite proud of my neckline, really."

He scoffs.

"I need a shower," she declares and Taeoh finds himself turning into a statue. His shower space is a narrow niche in the wall separated by a curtain. He hears himself mumble an excuse and tries to leave. Seri, however, sighs. "That's an invitation," she says, pulling him closer by the waistband of his shorts, "You're such a square, Han Taeoh."

"Nobody could've understood it as an invite," he shoots back. She lifts her arms and he picks her up with ease, carrying her to the shower.

Their kisses are rushed and wet before Taeoh demands the shower to be turned off on account of them nearly slipping. Seri ventures past his waistband to tease him and his breath hitches. "Ooh," she mocks when he pants against her mouth, "Where's your bravado now, Han Taeoh?"

"Taeoh!"

They freeze at the sound of Inha entering the apartment. Their hearts hammer in their ears and they hold their breath. Seri rests her hands on Taeoh's shoulders as he sets her down. She shrinks into the corner, covering her body with his.

"Are you here?" Inha calls again, this time much closer.

Taeoh closes the shower curtain and answers loudly, "I'm in the shower." Had he not locked the door last night? Or did Inha accidentally break the doorknob again?

"Man, what the fuck happened to your place?"

"I…I tripped." Seri's gaze burns the side of his face. He tilts his head to meet her eyes. She traces the water droplets sliding down his cheek and leans into him in a trance, running her tongue up his neck.

There are sounds of things being moved about outside. "Tripped?" Inha echoes in disbelief, "It looks like you were thrown into the furniture repeatedly."

Seri hums from the back of her throat before she begins to trail kisses down Taeoh's chest. He startles because she bites him over the collarbone and leaves a very crimson mark. Alarm bells ring in Taeoh's head when her mouth moves dangerously close to his abdomen. He seizes her up, pinning her hands over her head, and grits his teeth.

"Are you okay in there?" Inha asks.

It doesn't look good for Taeoh, to stand chest-to-chest (and naked) with Seri. He bites his tongue, thinks of the most repulsive thoughts he can imagine. But her vexing eyes pierce into him and he exerts every bit of his willpower to not slam into her and make her scream.

"Yeah. Got shampoo in my eye. Do you need anything?" Seri reaches past him to turn on the water. They shudder at the cold water. Taeoh clamps a hand over her mouth to keep her from squealing.

"Stopped by to leave you breakfast. I know you got wasted last night and that you'd be too busy to eat properly today. I left it on the table." There's a short pause. Then, he asks, "Hey, are you sure not talking to me while you're, I dunno, jerking off?"

Taeoh closes his eyes in disgust. He glances at the door, "Why don't you come inside and check for yourself?" Seri makes a face at this, swatting him off her.

Outside, Inha makes an overexaggerated noise, mimicking throwing up. "I know Seri calls you my boyfriend for fun," he coughs, "but we don't need to act on it. I'm gonna get going. Call me later!"

The two strain their ears to catch the sound of the front door closing. For good measure, neither moves for another two minutes. Taeoh turns the water off and relaxes. Seri, however, massages her arms and asks, "So…do we finish or has this become too weird after Inha's interruption?"

•✧•

They do finish, leaving each other with lovebites all over. Once dressed, Seri helps clean up Taeoh's apartment before they sit at the tiny excuse of his dining table by the window (after spending a while scrubbing it).

"Right," Seri clasps her hands together and nods, "I think that's enough sex for us to have a proper talk. I'll just say it out straight."

"Surprise, surprise," Taeoh mutters, drying his hair.

"I heard that." She clicks her tongue, "I don't like you, Han Taeoh. I mean…" She pouts in thought, glancing up at the ceiling. "I guess I'm attracted to you? Like, if you switched off that obnoxious, frigid fuck of a personality, I'd keep you."

"So, I'm a piece of meat to you," he concludes. No strings attached, she'd said even though there were a lot of strings attaching the two of them.

"Don't use that tone with me. Let's hear your side of it, then. I know you hate my guts but that hasn't stopped you from—"

"Don't…" he shakes his head, "finish that thought." With difficulty he didn't know was possible to experience, he attempts to explain. "I just land up in bed with you. I don't know how it happens, only that a series of bad choices lead me to you."

Seri cups her chin and bats her eyes at him. "Remember how you said I'm not irresistible and that you're veery patient? Gosh, I really love it when you're wrong, Taeoh. Anyway," she takes a peek at her phone, ignoring the scowl on his face, "I've dallied long enough. Let's do this again some other time."

"No, thanks." Taeoh believes he sounds serious.

She, however, laughs as she walks out the door. "Please. Don't kid yourself."

•✧•

Chapter Text

The ripple that drastically changes the course of Seri's life, which isn't felt until much later, arrives in the form of a patient. A man in the ER with a metal pole sticking out of the left side of his chest.

Seri's just turned twenty five and is a second-year General Surgery resident at SMC. After a particularly rough shift, she finds herself standing at the end of the impaled man's bed. The senior attending doctors are busy and she can't get a hold of Doctor Park, her somewhat mentor, or her team leader, Doctor Im.

"Right." She tries not to make it obvious that her palms are sweating. "Can I have your name, please?"

The man is appallingly calm for someone with a five-foot beam piercing clean through his chest. "How is that relevant, Doctor?" He asks. Even his voice is steady. Rough, gravelly, but steady.

"I'm just making conversation while I try to assess the situation." He doesn't seem to be bleeding actively. But Seri does wonder how the fuck he got himself in this state. She doesn't touch his suit but keeps a close eye on the blood patch on his white shirt. She talks to him about some show she's bingeing with Taeri as she finishes the preliminary assessment. She asks the nurse to wheel the man in for a CT scan, praying that one of the attending would be available by the time the scan is done.

She couldn't be more wrong. The situation worsens, with more patients coming in from a nearby fire, and Seri is forced into the OR. It is highly inappropriate and against the hospital policy for a resident to perform surgery without an attending present. But it is also an extreme emergency where delaying might lead to death.

Besides, Seri can call herself an almost third-year and this is most definitely an emergency which might cause death so it should take the weight off whatever punishment awaits her outside the OR. She's observed countless surgeries over the months she's been here and has assisted several complicated ones but being an intern giving out orders is mortifying.

Seri manages surprisingly well, however, and towards the end, just before closing up, Doctor Park rushes in to take over. "I'll take responsibility," she assures Seri, "It was an all-hands-on-deck situation so I'll do whatever I can to clear things up for you."

The Board is highly unhappy but also extremely impressed by Seri's dexterity. One of the Department Heads decides to look into the patient's file. Their eyes widen comically and the Hospital Chairman turns ashen because it's someone called Ahn Jaejun, Madam Sol's secretary. Seri's never heard of the names but it gets her out of any potential probationary orders, malpractice lawsuits, and/or criminal charges and that's all she cares about.

Several peers and seniors openly criticise her actions but many more praise her skill and quick thinking. She's always been prone to scrutiny from her colleagues for being the youngest resident along with Zara. Seri's just relieved she hasn't been kicked out.

•✧•

Seri arrives home just as Yebin leaves for her night shift at Kangoh. She parks the car and drags her feet up the stairs only for the front door to swing open. Yebin, now an OBGYN resident, wears a jacket over her scrubs and is more lively than Seri has ever felt in her life.

"Heard the car," Yebin says, "Zar's asleep upstairs and Taeri's just decided to have dinner. She might be mad at you."

The kid wasn't to be blamed. Seri recalls how she'd be furious at her parents for vanishing from her life for hours. Though looking back, she's had a much, much happier childhood compared to the people surrounding her, she still yearned for her parents' attention. Now that she's a parent herself, she doesn't fault them for trying to live their life while raising her brother and her.

"You're late," Taeri huffs from the dinner table, arms crossed over her chest and a deep frown marring her adorable face, "Again."

"I'm so sorry, love." Seri tosses her work bag on the sofa before heading over to her. She nuzzles her cheek against the top of Taeri's head, resisting the temptation to squish her, and kisses her soundly. "But you wouldn't believe what happened today."

She kicks her feet, sulking. "You always say that," she complains, shutting her eyes and turning away with a hmph. Then, she slowly peeks open an eye and asks, "What?"

It takes her barely five minutes to forget she's mad at Seri as they talk over dinner. Not for the first time in the week alone, she asks whether her mom's heard from Taeoh.

"I can't talk to him whenever I want, Taeri. That's not how the military functions. Besides," Seri mumbles the last part to herself as she stabs a piece of braised potato, "I doubt he wants to talk to me."

They hear Zara's phone alarm echo through the house and shortly, the woman appears in the living room, rubbing sleep from her eyes and trying to tame her curly hair. She mutters something about Burr holes and the head of Neurology as she puts her coat on.

"Head Nurse Moon is pissed today," Seri warns, "A nurse-in-training passed out so she had to take over. Truck accident on the highway." She muffles a snort when Zara tries hard not to curse.

Taking into account how close these suburbs are to both hospitals, Seri often finds her friends passed out in various corners of the house. She doesn't mind. It works well in her favour when she can't bring Taeri over to the daycare at her hospital. SMC was one of the few hospitals providing daycare services for its employees. It was the reason why Seri had decided to stay there instead of applying for Kangoh.

Well, one of the reasons. Seri doesn't want anything to do with Kangoh in general.

"Right," she ruffles Taeri's hair, "bedtime, darling."

After a quick, nonsensical story that Seri makes up as she narrates, Taeri falls fast asleep attached to her hip. Only then does Seri realise just how tired she is. But despite the exhaustion, sleep doesn't come easy to her. It seldom did these days. Her body is always on alert, thanks to her team leader's multiple threats to her and her colleagues about showing up when their pagers beep.

It's frustrating and Seri almost always finds her temper on the tip of her nose because of it. She tries not to toss and turn, afraid of waking Taeri.

Exasperated, she picks up her phone and looks up her patient. It's wrong, sure, but the reaction his name had caused has made her curious. Besides, she has a long night ahead of her.

•✧•

Nothing.

She finds nothing about Ahn Jaejun. No social media account, no picture, not even a nasty comment under a mildly offensive username. She gives up when she spots the first rays of sunrise from the window and manages to catch a measly four hours of sleep.

Taeri insists that she do her hair after she stands on the box while they brush their teeth. "How come you're short for your age?" Seri teases.

"Maybe you're not feeding me properly," Taeri shoots back, shaking her head. "You won't even let me get raspberry lemonade anymore."

"Because you threw up outside of the restaurant after drinking enough to last you a lifetime," she reminds her, "You traumatised Moira to the point that she still won't touch a drink even though it's been four months."

Pouting, Taeri mumbles, "I was trying to keep up with Robin."

"Robin drinks like a black hole, Taeri. Your goal in life shouldn't be to one-up her."

The hospital is less busy than usual. Seri follows her team lead on rounds, takes notes, answers questions, finds Zara passed out in one of the staff rooms, and checks up on her senior's patients. When she asks to follow up on Ahn Jaejun, the nurse tells her he had been released around midnight with little to no protest from the hospital.

"But he wasn't even conscious!" Seri exclaims, "He'd just gotten out of surgery!"

Head Nurse Moon struts over resembling a plump chicken. The strain of a 38-hour shift shows on her face. Seri's respect for her shoots out of the roof because she would've killed her team lead if he had made her stay for over 24 hours with no rest. "Forget about him," Nurse Moon says, catching her reflection on the monitor screen in her cubicle. "From the way he was discharged and taken away, I'd say he's not the kind of person people like us should get involved with."

That's enough reason for Seri to never ask about him again.

A week after the case, Inha calls Seri over for dinner. "I know you have the next two days off," he says on speaker, "but I haven't seen you in years."

"We saw each other a month ago when my mom was here," she deadpans as she drives back home.

"Years," he insists dramatically. "Bring Taeri too! Huiju would love to meet her."

Inha demands that she be at his place in the next hour and Taeri's already in her best frock, waiting patiently in the living room. When Seri raises a brow at her, she explains with a shrug that Inha called the landline, asking her to dress up pretty. After having three outfits rejected by Taeri, she finally steps out in a black polo neck tucked into a cotton skirt that she refuses to change out of, regardless of the judgement.

Taeri blows a raspberry as she watches Seri put on sneakers. "Do you know how long I was on my feet for today?" Seri exclaims. "There's no way I'm wearing heels just to appease you."

Halfway into driving towards Inha's mansion, Seri begins to regret saying yes. She has so much to study and memorise. She also needs to rest so that she doesn't fall asleep with her eyes open like she did yesterday. There is also the international research fellowship document Doctor Park sent her that she needs to go over. God, she can't remember the last time she stared at the ceiling of her room doing nothing.

Taeri is welcomed in a signature manner by Inha. She runs up to him once they get to his rooftop (that looks a lot like a fancy restaurant, if you asked Seri) and he picks her up and spins her in the air. When Hyewon gives her a wide smile that never quite reaches her eyes—not that Taeri can tell—the seven-year-old shyly says a hello.

Kang Huiju, dressed in Chanel from top to bottom, crouches to Taeri's level and exclaims. "You know he used to pick me up like that when we were kids. Waah, I'm so envious of you, Taeri!"

Taeri, however, startles and stares back at her wide-eyed. Then, she tugs at Seri's hand and whispers, "Mammy, she's very pretty."

Huiju blinks. She takes Taeri's hands in hers and, with the utmost seriousness, asks, "Is there anything you wish for? A pony? A castle? An island?"

"A pony," she replies, equally serious.

"Oi." Seri pulls her back with a knock on her head. "And where do you plan on keepin' the wee pony? On my head? Because there's no space in the backyard anymore." To keep the backyard maintained, they needed the shed. Plus, they could do with the space to store unnecessary things, like the foot spa Woosung ordered but never used.

Just as they begin to move to the sofas set up under a pergola, the elevator behind them chimes again. Seri closes her eyes in exasperation, knowing before the doors part open, that it's Taeoh. "Someday," her smile is taut and humourless, "I'll stop falling for this trick."

Though he's always been lean and lithe, Taeoh has toned up in the year and a half she hasn't seen him. His face is more gaunt, sharper and angular. Not a healthy look, Seri notes. He's probably overworking himself scouting for favourable opportunities as always. His undercut is still the same.

Judging by everyone's reaction, they knew that he was going to be there.

Taeri hurls herself at him, nearly throwing him off balance because he's also carrying a larger-than-necessary rucksack on his shoulders. "You're taller," he says once she latches onto him like a koala, "I don't like it."

"Well, you're skinnier," she shoots back, poking his cheek, "I don't like it. You're not eating properly. Also, mom thinks I'm short for my age."

Inha and Huiju aren't enough to hide Seri from Taeoh. When their eyes meet for the briefest second, he purses his lips in a forced smile and she replies with a weird twitch of her brows. Like clockwork, Inha tells them off for refusing to say hi to each other.

To humour him, Seri says to Taeoh, "How do you simultaneously look like a convenience store worker, a coal miner, and a senior citizen? You've outdone yourself."

He rolls his eyes, "Take me shopping if it bothers you that much."

"My time's not free for you."

"Then stop complaining."

They make no attempts to further their argument after seeing Inha's shoulders relax. He thinks this is normal but really, after the time Seri and Taeoh have spent in private, this is a genuine fight. She can't bring herself to ask if he's still angry. It would definitely take a few glasses of wine for her to build up the courage she has never needed before.

Very shortly into dinner, Huiju begins to feel sidelined. She tries not to show but Seri can tell. As Inha, Hyewon and Taeoh put their heads together and talk at the other end of the table, Seri leans towards Huiju. She assures her that she'll keep her company for the night. "The three don't see anyone else when they're together," she mutters with a sigh.

What Seri also notices is the number of times Huiju looks over at Taeoh longingly. Since he doesn't indulge her in her attempts at conversation, responding in curt one-word answers, she brings him up again and again while talking to Taeri. Maybe she suspects a connection. Seri feels a shred of guilt but also quietly stews in the amusing situation. Huiju likes Taeoh, Taeoh evidently still hasn't gotten over Hyewon, Hyewon and Inha are dating, and Taeoh slept with Seri. Repeatedly. Quite humourously mind-boggling, in her opinion.

Taeoh finally comes up to talk to her on his own account when Huiju's in the restroom and his friends are away in the kitchen. He starts catching up with Taeri first, and asks her about school and her friends. Concerningly parent-like, Seri notes. On the excuse of showing Taeri the view from the terrace, the two drift away from the dining area.

"Unusual outfit," Taeoh casually comments, shoving his hands in his pocket.

Seri looks down and smoothens the invisible creases on her skirt. "Yeah," she grumbles, "Apparently I don't dress like a mom for the rest of the world." She clasps Taeri's hand, sharply telling her off for trying to lean over the railing. "You're released from the army today?"

As always, he corrects her. "It's not 'released'," he says, "I didn't go to prison."

"You know what I mean." Seri eyes the rucksack lying on one of the coffee tables. "You have a place to stay?"

"Don't worry about it," Taeoh answers, standoffish. They don't talk again until it's time to leave.

Huiju exchanges numbers with Seri, having taken a liking to her daughter. She manages to keep up when Taeri jumps from topic to topic, entertaining her in return with her own unbelievable stories, the kind that only rich heirs and heiresses can experience. "You're such a clever munchkin," she compliments adoringly, "You're fluent in English and you can switch accents."

Taeri grins proudly, "I'm fluent in Irish too."

"No, you're not," Seri cuts in with a snort.

She sputters and dribbles wine down her front when Taeri starts speaking the language rapidly, "Your grandad calls to complain about your taoiseach a lot when you're not around. And Uncle Liam teaches me stuffs too."

Seri stares at her, stunned, just like the rest do, and gasps, "Christ, even your pronunciation is good."

Taeri turns her attention back to her ice cream and simply says, "I know."

•✧•

Though Taeoh leaves first, Seri sees him walking down the footpath on the main road when she drives back. She honks once and stops a little ahead of him. "Get in," she says, hoping that she sounds polite, "I'll drive you."

"It's fine," he tries to be polite too, "I'll take the bus."

"I'm more worried because I've been drinking."

Taeoh switches places with her within a minute. He puts the seatbelt on and glances in the back where Taeri is snoring softly. "What the hell were you thinking," he hisses, lowering his voice, "Couldn't you have called a taxi?"

"It takes way more than one glass of wine to get me drunk," Seri answers, "Besides, this was my plan to get you in the car." The wine barely counted as much of it now stained her black blouse. "Where do you live now?"

His hands tighten on the wheel and he answers when they stop at the second redlight. "I was planning on staying at a motel for the night before looking up apartments tomorrow."

"Save the money by staying over." The offer is out before she can even reconsider it. Before he can misunderstand it as a casual sex call, Seri explains, "My friends and mom came over this year—separately—so I cleared the spare rooms upstairs."

After another stretch of silence, he thanks her.

"Are you still mad at me for taking you to see your mom?"

Taeoh exhales soundly like someone might when they're holding back from breaking your nose. Quietly, he says, "It was none of your business."

"You're right," Seri says, having spent months swearing at herself for trying to be unnecessarily saintlike. But in her defence, it had been the perfect opportunity. The temple was open to visitors and with the number of monks out and about, barely anyone paid attention to Taeoh and his mother. They had even managed a picture with him in his graduation gown and cap with her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so nosy and immature about it. I was wrong."

She can feel the waves of surprise coming from him. Taeoh presses his knuckles to his mouth, elbow on the window pane as he drives with one hand. "I'm not going to thank you for it if that's what you're expecting," he says.

"I know." Shame burns her ears. She pointedly looks outside to avoid accidentally catching his reflection. "It doesn't matter now—"

"No," he snaps, startling her, "It matters because I liked you."

"I…what?" There's a drop from the back of her throat to the bottom of her stomach, sinking down and down and down.

The corner of Taeoh's mouth twitches. "I actually liked you back then, Seri. Maybe it was because—" he stops when Seri peers to check on Taeri. The car comes to a halt outside of their home. Taeoh swallows dryly.

Seri waits for him to finally meet her eyes. "I'll put Taeri to bed," she tells him softly, "And then we'll talk."

•✧•

Taeoh does not comment about the swing and the shed. He quietly accepts the tea Seri's made and sits beside her at the picnic table. She lights a cigarette and pulls Inha's jacket tighter around her shoulders.

It's too quiet and the lights hanging over the kitchen window make this seem more intimate than it would've been had they started this conversation in the bedroom.

"Maybe it was because of what was going on between us," Taeoh says, more calmly than earlier, "I guess you grew on me and I thought I could…It's why I came over more often before enlistment. For Taeri and for you. I imagined, sooner or later, maybe you'd feel the same too. The whole time in the car, I kept wondering if I should bring it up. But then I saw where we were going and I just…" He fiddles with the teacup handle. "I felt deceived," he says, looking down at their knees, only millimetres apart, "Not because you lied to get me in the car or that you tracked down my mom. But because you took me to her."

Her heart pangs and her guilt worsens. Seri tries to reach for his hand. He only watches as she decides against it.

"I never expected you to understand me. Unlike me, you come from a relatively happier, more stable family. Your parents and your brother protected you. Hell, your family is still tightly knit even after your parents divorced. Someone like you can never imagine the fear my mom and I had to live with every day."

Unintentionally, Seri thinks of Hyewon and realises this is why Taeoh is still so attached to her.

"You broke my trust, Seri," Taeoh sounds more upset than she'd ever heard him, "and I was too ashamed of myself to see you again."

Because you're not used to being wrong about anything. She bites the inside of her cheek. For once, she sorts out her thoughts and carefully picks the right words. "The reason I said it doesn't matter," she begins, "is not because it happened well over a year ago. But because your mother's in a different monastery now."

Taeoh looks up quickly. "What?"

"The order she's a part of does frequent rotations, reassigning monks and priests depending on the requirement. It's undocumented, I checked. They restored a temple somewhere towards the east and relocated her there. Before you ask, I didn't go looking for her this time. She needed help to move and she contacted me."

He gapes at her. "She contacted you?"

"I don't know how she got my number but I suppose she was too nervous to cross the city by herself. It was only an overnight drive." Seri squints at the sky and thinks, "It's maybe six hours or less from here. My hospital—or at least the company—they offer free health checkups for certain temples and monasteries so I accidentally ran into her again. There's no trace of where she's living unless you count the fake name she's given us."

She puts out the cigarette she barely took two drags from and stuffs it in the ashtray. "I didn't know you felt that way about me." The blush and warmth creeping up her neck is unexpected. "I'm sorry. I should've noticed. You cling to Hyewon so desperately that it's hard to think otherwise."

Taeoh avoids answering by draining the teacup and mumbling that it's good. Nervously, he asks, "How is she?"

"Living as well as she can. I saw her months ago before my mom flew in. She also asked about Taeri. Christ," Seri laughs hard, "The way your mom panicked when I told her her name." Taeoh chuckles silently at that. "She wanted to ask about you but she didn't feel comfortable around me. I still let her know, though. Complained about your ghastly hair and how you've only picked fights with me when I've been nothing but nice to you."

The glimmer of a smile on Taeoh's face brings a wave of relief. "I can't like you if I don't trust you, Seri," he says, "I've had a really long time to think it over and bury it all. The feelings I thought I had for you are gone."

This time, his words fill her with grief and remorse. They don't make sense. She feels it's unfair he moved on before she had the chance to find out, gloat over, and turn him down. How childish and self-centred of her. Seri raises her hand to stroke Taeoh's cheek.

"Pity," she hums, "You're missing out on a lot of good stuff."

•✧•

What was supposed to be a one night's stay turns into two weeks.

It doesn't bother Seri much but the lack of progress in apartment hunting bothers Taeoh within two days especially since he has other things to do. While Seri's at the hospital, starting her third year, Taeoh goes in and out of the house, making trips to the bank, the tailor's, the shopping market, the lockers where he's kept some of his things, to undisclosed meeting locations, and sometimes to Taeri's school to pick her up.

Four days into his stay, however, Zara and Yebin storm down to Seri's door, demanding the guest to leave. "I can't let this be any longer," Zara declares dramatically, "There's a strange man in our bed and he just straight up refuses to leave. I'm sick of having to put away my bras where he can't see them, you know?"

"Have you thought of moving back to your own places then?" Seri counters flatly, clearing up her work desk in her bedroom. "Last I checked, you're still paying rent there."

The women gasp in unison, startling her. "See how she throws us away when a random man comes waltzing back into her life?" Yebin cries, smacking Zara's shoulder. "Do you know how much we save on petrol and energy by stopping here?"

"God, fine. I'll talk to him."

While offering up her work desk to Taeoh, because she's sick of seeing charts and graphs and documents bearing the words acquisition, synergies, and capital structure lying about the house, Seri casually brings up the sleeping arrangement. Taeoh freezes, obviously, and starts looking up cheap motels. She massages her temple and explains slowly.

"I sleep at the hospital nowadays so you can take my bed."

There is little discussion and he reluctantly says yes.

Seri's studies at the hospital go from hectic to chaotic. Her team leader, Doctor Im, has luckily started to warm up to her after she single-handedly managed the mystery man's surgery. Sure, he is harsher on her during rounds and makes her assist more surgeries than usual but it only benefits her. It doesn't bother her much either as she's back home by six and has enough time with Taeri.

What bothers her is the sudden influx of patients in the ER with the most outrageous injuries; a man with a gunshot wound and a dragon tattoo, another with deep knife lacerations displaying a snarling tiger, a young woman with a broken arm and a mural of roses entwined with barbed wire, and a trio suffering severe burns, including one with a phoenix rising from flames on his chest. Despite the gruesome injuries—knife wounds, bullet wounds, broken bones, and gashes—the patients remain stoic and, more often than not, ask to be treated by Seri.

"Maybe they're gangsters?" One of the nurses theorises after he and Seri draw the curtains around a bald man once they've finished stitching up his chest. "That would explain the tattoos."

Seri frowns, slowly recalling that she'd seen Ahn Jaejun's tattoos several weeks ago. She can't picture his face but she remembers the tiger on his chest because the pole had cut through its eye. "Hmm, sounds like trouble," she scratches her head, "I don't want to get involved. Good thing I'm on Oncology rounds after tomorrow."

She returns home to find her friends and Taeri crowding around the dinner table waiting for Taeoh. To show them his new suit for his job interview, Woosung tells her. It's unusual to see Taeoh bullied into doing something he doesn't want to do but Seri guesses that a certain seven-year-old has something to do with it.

Taeoh awkwardly walks into the kitchen for them to judge his attire. Only Taeri applauds. The rest scrutinize his black suit, ordering him to 'turn around' and 'raise your right arm' and 'take your jacket off!'.

"Your shirt's too loose," Woosung comments.

"The cuffs of your jacket are a bit long," Yebin points out.

"You wear your slacks too high up," Zara adds.

"I should've just borrowed something from Inha." Taeoh stares at them in exasperation, then turns to Seri. "Go ahead," he gestures, "What do you have to contribute? A jibe about my hair?"

She presses a hand to her mouth and laughs unexpectedly. "You know me so well."

Short on time and money, Woosung takes Taeoh to exchange the shirt while Seri stitches the cuffs of the jacket. Once he returns, they all force him into a corner to figure his hair out. Taeri wiggles her way into the group, happy to be included, and suggests, "Huiju-unnie said he'd look nice with his hair swept to the side."

Seri raises an eyebrow, noticing how Taeoh immediately looks away from her. "Oh, did she, now?" Her friends avoid asking who Huiju is.

Woosung assures everyone that he knows what he's doing because he'd sat for tons of interviews before being accepted at Kangoh Hospital, and picks up a comb. Taeoh closes his eyes and flinches now and then because of how close their faces are. Finally, Woosung goes 'ta-da!' and makes a show of presenting Taeoh. Seri's heart skips a beat but she pays no heed to it because Taeri's reaction is the loudest.

"Whoa!" She gasps, leaning towards him with her hands on his knees, "You have a cool, scary face!"

"What?" Taeoh grimaces.

Zara and Yebin gape at him, impressed. "See?" Woosung boasts, "Just like Ryan Gosling, isn't it?"

There's a stretch of silence. Then, Seri mock-gasps, "My god, we need to check if Ryan Gosling just killed himself."

•✧•

"How come you didn't wish him good luck?" Taeri asks at breakfast the next day.

Seri looks over the newspaper at her for a moment. "Because I know he's going to get the job. Taeoh ranked in the top 0.01% back when we were in school, you know? He can probably take over the company if he likes."

When she doesn't receive an answer, Seri lowers the newspaper. Taeri is staring at her, comically wide-eyed. "You're always mean to him," she says, "so it's sooo weird to see you be nice."

"Don't be going talking about it to him now," Seri scowls.

•✧•

Of course, Taeoh lands the job. It's a waste of time, he thinks, that he had to sit for hours in the waiting room, amongst all the other interviewees when he was going to come out on top. He barely steps out of the tower when he receives the text message congratulating his appointment as a beginner at Kangoh's Global Department.

His finger hovers over Hyewon's name before he reconsiders and messages Inha first. They met at sunset for drinks at some bar Inha really likes. Hyewon sends a blunt text saying she can't come because she's currently working in another town, reporting about some local election they all know she doesn't care about. It doesn't bother Taeoh. He's well aware that if he were to go back to his old neighbourhood, he'd find her on the rooftop.

And he does. Hyewon waits for him, beer can in hand. The conversation slowly takes a turn when she notices him checking his watch, something he rarely does when they're together. "Where are you staying at the moment?" She asks. It's unlike her to care. His personal life is his problem to figure out, according to Hyewon.

He contemplates lying. Then, honestly tells her, "At Seri's." There's a twitch of amusement in her brow. In an ideal world, she'd be jealous and demand that he move in with her. "Just for a week," Taeoh lies smoothly, "She's at the hospital for most of the day. That gives me time with Taeri. Anyway, I signed the lease for an apartment after I was done with my interview."

"Why is she so important to you?" Taeoh thinks Hyewon's talking about Seri. "Han Taeri," she continues, "You're so insistent on being a part of her life when I thought your only focus was on Kangoh."

"It is on Kangoh," he answers, "I can climb towards my goal while keeping Taeri in my life. Her family was kind to me. Suah-noona is the reason I didn't starve to death when I was busy studying or working. It was penance at first, I won't lie." Taeoh doesn't feel like drinking suddenly. He pushes his beer can away. "But Taeri's a wonderful kid. I know I'll regret not being in her life."

While Taeoh can never utter whether he gives more importance to Taeri or Kangoh (the latter, obviously), Hyewon has no hesitation in laying out her opinions. She's not sentimental enough to deter from or alter her plans for anyone. He admires her one-track mind but he doesn't envy it at all.

"Do you plan on having kids, then?"

The question catches Taeoh off guard. He glances at her with surprise plain on his face. An immediate 'no' comes to his mind. But Taeoh pauses and thinks of the days he's spent in Seri's home. The chaos he wakes up to. The disconnected conversations at the dinner table. Seri's friends and their ill-timed, inappropriate jokes. And the laughter. God, the laughter. Taeoh didn't know laughing could be this common inside a house.

His mouth curves into a smile. "It sounds nice," he says. "But I have years to get there."

"I don't." Hyewon finishes her drink. "I respect children, I suppose, but I have no space for them in my life. Or the one I want to build for myself." She looks at him without any hint of flippancy and sighs. "Children need too much and it's not something I'm willing to provide. Not after I've spent my whole life working hard to be at ease."

•✧•

The door is unlocked but the house is oddly quiet. Taeoh checks the bedrooms upstairs and the backyard. There's no one there. He finally slips into Seri's bedroom and finds the door to her bathroom cracked open, with light and faint music pouring out of the space. Seri's probably in the bath, he tells himself. But he goes up to knock anyway to be on the safer side.

"It's me," he calls. The music is turned down and he hears Seri say she'll be out in ten minutes.

The ten turns to thirty. By the time she steps out into the living room in a pair of old shorts and a faded graphic tee, her hair twisted up into a towel, Taeoh has nodded off on the sofa, slumped at an awkward angle.

Seri shoves his ankle, jolting him awake. His mouth has gone dry and his neck hurts. "Where's everyone?" He asks, clearing his throat.

She's already padded up to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. "Taeri's at her grandparents for the night," she says over her shoulder, "And the others have gone home since it's our day off tomorrow. Have you eaten?"

Seri does most of the talking during dinner as Taeoh listens and offers his thoughts when required. She doesn't ask about his. He doesn't give her any details. When she gossips about Maju, he tells her that her uncle has already told her about the village head's affair. "You talk to my uncle?" She asks, baffled. She undoes the towel around her hair and he smells a subtle caramel fragrance.

"We keep in touch," Taeoh says, clearing up his dishes, "It's not often but he did visit me once when I was in the military. It's not for reasons you think," he adds when she frowns at him with suspicion. "He cannot help me with anything concerning Kangoh. I keep in touch with him just because."

Without the others in the house, it feels slightly odd. Taeoh doesn't know what to do. He sits in the living room with his old walkman but listens to Seri pace about the floor, talking to her family. He catches bits of information like her mom getting a promotion and her brother working at some particle accelerator in Oxford. Her father is still in her hometown, on frequent fishing trips with her maternal grandfather who remains a staunch believer that the divorce was a mistake.

Seri pauses in between to find Taeoh. "My dad says hi," she says and walks away before he can figure out how to reply.

"You can sleep upstairs if you like," she tells him after hanging up her friend's call—Moira, Taeoh's heard, has become the talk of the town after becoming a vegetarian.

Taeoh slips into the room Woosung uses and finds it pleasantly tidy. But try as he does, he just can't fall asleep. The mattress doesn't feel right, it's too quiet, and it smells a lot like Woosung's aftershave. He shifts to his other side, staring vacantly at the window shades.

He's done quite well, living under the same roof as Seri, despite being convinced that he was two steps away from being in love with her. It wasn't the sex as much as it was whatever that led to and followed it. All the qualities he had admired about her—her drive, her tenacity, how she livened things up for him—had started to draw him deeper into her life.

Taeoh still remembers the way his heartbeat had galloped when Seri had ushered him into her car. He had rehearsed the words fueled by the hope that it would work out in his favour. Even if she were to reject him, after a few taunts that he knew he could handle, Taeoh would've felt better knowing that she knew. But he hadn't expected the hope to turn into a wave of quiet anger when they reached their destination.

It was crowded, like Seri had said, and nobody noticed either. Taeoh had sunk into his mother's teary embrace behind the quarters she had then been staying at. He had even saved the picture Seri had sent him. But it hadn't been enough for him to forgive her. "Don't be mad at her," his mother had said, "Her intentions were good."

And unnecessary, he had spat. Seri had overstepped, pushing him towards something that could've jeopardised his mother. The bitterness of her well-intentions had lingered on the drive back. Seri had tried to talk to him, had apologised repeatedly, but Taeoh had made her drop him off on the outskirts of the city and taken the bus back to his half-packed apartment.

Now, unable to sleep, Taeoh wonders if Seri would raise a brow if he were to return to her room. It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a bed before. And his feelings for her were in the past, dead and buried. He's much more in control since he made peace with the fact that the world cannot allow him to have anything for himself. Again. The least it can grant him is a good night's sleep.

A minute later, he's knocking on Seri's door with a rehearsed lie. "Woosung has a habit of eating on the bed," he tells her.

Her mouth lilts into a knowing smile. "Does he, now? Must be gross. What about the girls' room?"

"I don't think Zara wants me waddling through her things to get to the bed."

She pushes open her door completely, letting him in. "Mm. And you're too tall for the sofa as well." With a fake frown, she stands by the bed and asks, "You don't want me to sleep in the tub, do you?"

Taeoh's already slid into the bed, pulling the covers over his chest. "No, that's disgusting." He hears her laugh at the familiar words and feels his own mouth curve into a wide smile, "Sleep on your side and keep your elbows to yourself."

•✧•

They don't see each other often after that. Taeoh moves out and drowns himself in his job, posing a threat to every Kangoh employee around him. Seri successfully moves into her third year of residency without running into any more suspected gang members.

Still, despite their busy schedules, Taeoh comes to see Taeri off on her first school trip away from home. It's a two-day trip and Seri tries hard to not tip over the edge from worrying. The group of parents who eye her with disdain over her black tank top and jeans startle at the sight of Taeoh and the gleaming Kangoh pin he wears on his suit's lapel.

He crouches in front of Taeri and fixes her wide-brimmed hat. "Try not to daydream and stick close to the group," he instructs sharply, "Don't go anywhere without your friends and your teachers. Don't talk to strangers. Call your mom or me as often as you can—"

"It's only two days," Taeri sighs while Seri pulls him back, saying that they've already had the talk.

"I don't think her teacher will appreciate the phone bill she'll—are you nuts?" She exclaims when Taeoh hangs a Hello Kitty phone around Taeri's neck. "Children don't need a phone like that," she hisses. "There's a reason why I didn't get her one."

He ignores Seri and goes on about how Taeri should keep the phone with her, that it already has their numbers in it. It soon turns into a heated discussion and Taeri's shoulders slump with embarrassment. A friend of hers shuffles up to her, tugging her sleeve. "It's okay," she says, "My parents fight all the time too."

A month later, they argue at the sports festival over Taeoh's accidental reveal of his name and how it made everyone believe that he was Taeri's dad. It doesn't help that Taeri grasps his hand when the school headmistress ambles over and flatly says, "Yeah, this is my dad."

This shuts up Seri and Taeoh. They gape and laugh nervously, and Taeoh forces out a monotonous, "Yes, nice to meet you." Later, when they sit at one of the picnic benches and Taeoh's done marvelling at the medal Taeri's won for one of the races, Seri lightly chides her for lying.

"You're the ones who started it," Taeri complains, scowling, "You fight aaalll the time, in front of aaalll my friends and teachers. He used to pick me up from school too! When I tried to tell my classmates that we're friends because our names sounded similar, they said it's weird that I have an old man as a friend."

Taeoh frowns, "I'm not that old, Taeri."

"You do look older," Seri mumbles to him before turning back to Taeri. "Even then, honey, you can't say that. You've put him in a very awkward situation. How will we tell everyone that it's not true?"

She crosses her arms over her chest grumpily and looks away. "Fine," she huffs, "I'll fix what you did." When a classmate passes her by, asking if she's here with her parents, Taeri moodily answers, "No. He's not my dad and she's not my mom. The hospital just handed me to her because I had no one else."

"Aye, you better reel that attitude in," Seri snaps, "Or I'll drop you off where I found you."

Taeoh puts a hand on her arm and tries to mediate, "That's not what she means. There's no need to—"

"So?" Taeri challenges, eyes welling up with tears, "You're not my mom. You didn't even want me!" She flings her medal into the dirt, hops off the bench, and runs off before anyone can stop her.

Seri pales as the words hit her like a slap. Her vision blurs with tears she struggles to hold back and she turns away, embarrassed, hiding her face behind her knuckles. The damage to her pride stings too much to accept any and all comfort Taeoh tries to offer. "I'll go look for her," he says quietly, picking up the medal and placing it by her elbow.

He finds Taeri in the corner of the school grounds, hiding behind a storage shed with her head between her knees. "Taeri," he calls softly, but she shakes her head, refusing to look at him.

"Go away," she sniffles.

He sits down beside her on the grass. Gently, he says, "You know more than I do that you shouldn't have talked to your mom like that."

Taeri presses the base of her palms over her eyes. One whimper turns into a heartbreak of sobs. "A girl from my old school told everyone that I'm an orphan," she rubs her eyes harshly and tries not to cry. "I don't have real parents. The mean grandma said they died because of me. She doesn't like me at all. Why…" Taeri sucks in a quivering breath, "why doesn't anybody want me?"

Taeoh wonders how is it that a voice so small and so timid can tear him apart when he's faced worse things and come out unscathed. "When you went on that trip," he begins "your mother was glued to her phone. She stayed up checking where you were and if you were okay. Last time, when you were away at your grandparents, she kept waiting restlessly to come get you. I've known her for such a long time and she's never thought of or talked about anybody the way she does with you. There's nobody more important to Seri than you." Taeri shrinks into herself with a sniffle. "She loves you more than anything in this world. I've seen it."

It's surprising to see the amount of restraint she exercises to stop herself from crying more. "I'm sorry," Taeri gulps, "I was very selfish and called you my dad."

He pretends to think about it for a minute, having predicted this conversation ages ago. "It's actually not a bad idea," he shifts closer to her, "You're a pretty cool kid. If it's what you really want then I don't mind being your dad at all."

Taeri stills. "You mean it?" She searches his face for any signs of lies or taunts.

"Why not?" He wipes her tears away with his thumb. "I really like you, Han Taeri."

She holds his hands in both of hers like an anchor and manages a feeble smile. "I really like you too, Han Taeoh."

When they return to the school field, Seri holds herself back at the sight of Taeri's reddened eyes. She sits at the edge of the picnic bench, waiting for Taeri to come to her first. Taeri pinches the sleeve of her white shirt but fixates on her dusty shoes. Seri pulls her closer, cupping her tear-stained cheeks. "I'm sorry," she says lovingly, "You've never said such things and you've never been this mad at me before. I was really mean to you, wasn't I?"

They make amends on the surface but the car ride back home is deathly silent. On the weekend, three days later, Taeoh comes knocking on their front door. He baulks at the haggard state Seri is in. Running a hand over her face, she drags her feet to the kitchen, letting him follow. The house smells worryingly of cigarettes.

"She's gone to her grandparents'," Seri slumps at the dinner table, head in hand, while Taeoh takes to air out the house.

"What, after she specifically told you that she doesn't like them?" Taeoh frowns.

She waves a hand, shrugging. "I don't fuckin' know. She's not really talking to me. Practically ran when the family butler came to pick her up. Oh, but she'll talk to Inha and Huiju for hours." She scoffs mockingly at the last part, ignoring the admonishing look Taeoh shoots her.

"And apparently you're her dad now," Seri exclaims, frustrated and annoyed, "So welcome to the family, I guess."

Taeoh takes his suit jacket off, carefully laying it on the chair next to him. "I have a p—"

"Plan?" She finishes with a grimace, "Of course you do, Taeoh. You always have a plan. For everything. Because, somehow, you predict stuff to perfection. So, you know what?" Seri leans back into the chair, gesturing wildly, "I don't care. Taeri can call you dad or grandpa or whatever. I'm sure it all fits in the gigantic picture you're painting."

Taeoh simply listens, hand covering his mouth, with a vacant expression. "Are you done?" He finally asks.

Her glare eases into embarrassment and she presses her palms over her eyes the way Taeri does. "I'm sorry," she apologises, "I had a shitty day. Taeri ran out before I could even talk to her and I made a lot of mistakes during rounds. You'd think as a third year, I'd start recognising two different diseases with similar symptoms. I'm…I'm sorry," she says again, standing up, "I'm very tired and I don't have the energy to listen to whatever I've done now to piss you off. Maybe try again tomorrow."

"Seri, that's not what I—" Taeoh rises to his feet, trailing after her to her bedroom door. His fingers wrap around her wrist and he gives it a harmless tug. He might as well have hugged a statue from the way she froze. "You really need to start listening," he pats her shoulder calmly, "Motormouth."

His shirt muffles her voice when she sighs, "I'm just exhausted."

"So you've said."

Hugging isn't something they do or have ever done in the past. Naturally, Seri tries to squirm out of his grasp. He lets her go and their heads turn towards each other in unison. When their lips brush over each other, Seri tries to lighten the situation with a nervous laugh. An apology nearly rolls off Taeoh's tongue. The kiss is accidental. Neither of them mean to do it but they can't bring themselves to pull away either.

He hears her breath before his mouth is on hers again. Taeoh cradles her face, kissing her deeply as she curves into him, resting her arms firmly on his back. He reluctantly pulls away but Seri's already holding his hand, leading him to her bedroom in a silent desperation.

It's all so achingly patient that it feels wrong. Taeoh's used to ripped buttons and scratches while Seri's used to bruised wrists and love bites on the inside of her thighs. He's holding her like she's made of glass and she looks into his eyes a lot, strokes his cheek and intertwines their hands. His hands trace down her body, plotting a course for his mouth to follow. There's no attention on the new tattoos in the middle of her back. At the torturously slow pace that he sets, Seri whimpers Taeoh's name in his ear over and over with ardour.

When it's over, they lay chest-to-chest with her chin pressed against his shoulder and his lips against her forehead. They don't exchange any words, don't acknowledge that sleeping together has never felt this alarmingly wrong before.

For the first time, Taeoh leaves before Seri wakes up and they avoid each other for the next few months.

•✧•

Ahn Jaejun is on the other side of the double doors leading to the General Ward on the third floor. At least it's Jaejun according to one of the nurses. He's tall, tanned, and has an athletic physique under the dark suit. When he turns to face Seri, she takes note of his strong jawline and high cheekbones. An above-average handsome man, she decides.

Forgetting her weariness and her aching feet, Seri chases after him, knowing that he's seen her. She sees him disappear down a hallway but can't place which room he's entered.

Two days later, she sees him outside the doors of the Pediatrics Department with an old woman who barely comes up to his elbows. The old woman is dressed sophisticatedly and holds an expensive-looking walking stick. Despite her wrinkled round face and mirthful expression, a pang in Seri's stomach tells her she's anything but. Next to her, Ahn Jaejun looks like her butler.

"You," Seri strides towards them, interrupting their hushed conversation, "Do you know how much trouble you almost got me into?"

He looks up at her and, as if discussing the weather, says, "I was hoping you'd show up, Doctor Kim. Your proficiency, given your inexperience and age, was a pleasant surprise. Thank you for saving me." Before she can snap at him and call him crazy, he introduces the old woman with an air of formality. "This is Madam Sol. She has been a benefactor for this hospital for three decades now."

Seri hastily bows, cursing herself for her snappishness.

"This is the second year—well, now a third-year resident, I suppose," Ahn Jaejun explains her to Madam Sol, "She's the one who went against the hospital rules to perform surgery on me."

"Right, and how do you know so much about me?" Seri demands as politely as she can in front of the older woman. A wave of nausea washes over her.

Madam Sol, however, taps her walking cane against the white floor. "My grandson has been admitted here for scarlet fever but I want a second opinion."

"Oh, um…I can page the Head of Pediatrics?"

"He was the one who diagnosed the Young Master," Jaejun says. Young Master? Christ. "If you could request Doctor Im or Doctor Park…"

Nobody responds. Seri tries calling their offices and paging them but the nurses say that Doctor Im is in surgery while Doctor Park is off duty. Tensely, Seri decides to take a look instead. She doesn't expect a different answer from a department head's conclusion but she does it for Madam Sol's ease of mind.

The boy is scrawnier than Taeri with a head full of brown hair, and is asleep, cheek against the pillows. There's a rash spanning his stomach, a swollen tongue, and dried lips. Seri checks his charts as Ahn Jaejun speaks.

"I've been monitoring his fever," he says, "It's lasted a week now. It is concerning that despite being prescribed amoxicillin, he shows no signs of getting better. The fever keeps spiking now and then."

Seri patiently listens to all probable diseases they think could be and rules them out one by one. Just as the results come in, the Head of Pediatrics is at the door with a nurse and an assistant professor, demanding Seri to step outside. He begins to tell her off for doubting the diagnosis of a senior professor when she has only started arriving at the right conclusions. Though she's usually good at holding her temper, Seri feels a spike in her rage. "I ran tests to stop them from worrying anymore," she argues back, surprising the audience.

"I don't have time to address every single doubt—"

"Maybe you should since you work in healthcare for children."

"How dare you—"

She stills for a brief second and cuts off the department head as he turns red in the face. "Have we checked for Kawasaki?" She asks. "Sir?"

He pauses to consider it. "Three days ago, when he was first brought in. No signs of red eyes," he says, glancing at his group. "But no peeling skin."

They hasten back in to check again, the department head gently nudging the boy's eyelids open before shining a light at him. Sure enough, his eyes have reddened dangerously. "Mr. Ahn said his fever's been up for seven days," Seri rushes, "We're short on time, sir."

The boy is wheeled into the OR within minutes. Seri quickly explains the situation to Madam Sol and Jaejun, assuring them that it's going to be okay and that they'll do everything in their power to prevent further complications or long-lasting problems.

In the middle of the surgery, Seri's vision spins and she quickly resorts to deep breaths to avoid passing out. Luckily, Zara does most of the assisting. The surgery takes several hours and is successful. The department head doesn't give any credit to Seri, not that she expected any for doing her job, but he does throw her a feeble 'nice work'.

Unfortunately, the second Seri steps out of the operation room, the prolonged hours of sleeplessness and not enough food catch up to her. She fails to focus on whatever Zara is saying, fights another surge of nausea, and collapses against the washbasin, promptly passing out.

•✧•

"Nothing to worry about. It's just an exhaustion spell. You need to rest for a few days." Before Seri can relax and get off the examination chair, Doctor Im gives her a small smile. "Congratulations, by the way."

Seri blinks, "For...passing my blood test? Or for arguing with the Head of Pediatrics? I know I toed the line. I'll apologize to him the second I'm out of here."

"Well, you're..." He rechecks the report and fixes his glasses. "Yes, I read it correctly. You're pregnant." He looks up at her, "Congratulations." Behind him, the nurse widens his eyes comically and turns his gaze to the floor.

There's utter silence for three seconds. She thinks she's misheard her mentor. "What?" Seri laughs at the extent of the misunderstanding. She throws her head back and laughs, shoulders quaking. "That's impossible," she says, wiping a tear from her eye, "There's no way I'm pregnant. I'm very careful."

Doctor Im turns his head and suggests the nurse leave them. He does so reluctantly. They both hear his footsteps loud and clear as he runs down the hallway to spread the gossip. Massaging his temple, Doctor Im asks, "Did you engage in consensual sexual activity in the past few months, Doctor Kim?"

The subtle joy he had shown has vanished and the serious purse of his mouth makes Seri's insides contract painfully. "I mean..." How does one answer such a question when the person asking it is your teacher? "Yes?"

"Don't sound so hesitant and unsure, Doctor Kim. It's a simple yes or no question."

She thinks of Han Taeoh. "I...I did. Yes," she stammers as panic begins to settle over her. "My period's been irregular but it was because of stress all this while. Hang on. Did—did you say months? That doesn't make sense. Why did you say months?" Hysteria fails to remind her that she's had no time for any other man in the past several months.

Doctor Im stares at her for the longest three seconds of her life and says, "Maybe we should get an ultrasound done just to be sure. I had the blood tests expedited so there could be an error in the hCG level report."

The sheer anxiety from her situation makes her laugh again. But this time it's drier. "My career," Seri presses her palms over her eyes, "I worked so hard to build my career. I haven't even completed my residency yet. Christ almighty." She suddenly looks up and asks, "What about—"

"Foreigners aren't allowed abortions," Doctor Im fixes his glasses again, "And we can't tell whether this would be a threat to your life."

"If it causes me to become unemployed, it most definitely will be a threat to my life and my daughter's."

He sighs, "Let's discuss this after an ultrasound."

•✧•

Seri fixates on the report in her hands. She's by herself in a hallway, slumped in one of the waiting chairs, reading over and over again how she's well past the first trimester. She flings the report on the seat next to her and begins pacing up and down, murmuring like a mad woman.

"This is ridiculous," she nearly tears the roots of her hair, "I'm always so fucking careful. Never in my life—I've never even had a scare—What the fuck." Hands on her waist, Seri tries not to keel over. She blows out gusts of air from her mouth, trying to calm herself. When that doesn't work, she begins to fan herself with both hands. "Christ and his carpenter friends, I'm so screwed. How will I take my board exam? And the surgery and the running around and oh god, what about Taeri? What if she doesn't want a sibling?"

"What are you crying about?" Zara strides into the corridor in her blue scrubs, frowning at her. "Another argument with the department head?"

Seri has no idea how to answer.

"Anyway," she eyes her weirdly, "Mrs Sol wants to see you. Her grandson's doing better and I guess she wants to thank you for demanding an emergency surgery. Are you sure you're okay?" Zara gestures at Seri's face, "You kind of have that deer caught in headlights look in your eyes."

She can only manage an "I'll tell you later."

Her career is so screwed.

•✧•

Seri's introduction to the ethical and principled side of the underworld comes through Madam Sol and Ahn Jaejun. Madam Sol, clasping her hands over the brass knob of her walking cane, speaks proudly about her organization's work. "We dabble in every field within reach and we succeed, Doctor Kim. We take great pride in our way of life." Her voice is filled with both authority and warmth.

The older woman, oblivious to Seri's dazed expression, continues, "Our organization may operate in the shadows, but it is a necessary darkness. We do what needs to be done to keep the country stable. We are not afraid to get our hands dirty, abiding by our Code, which is different from the usual laws but no less binding—if anything, it's stricter." Madam Sol's eyes soften as she recounts the recent events that brought Seri here. "I am deeply grateful to you, Doctor Kim. My grandson was on the verge of being lost to us. Your insistence and keen intuition saved him. As a token of my gratitude, I'd like to extend our protection and support to you."

Seri blinks, her mind still reeling from the news of her pregnancy. Her reaction is not what Madam Sol expects. Instead of joy or acceptance, Seri responds with a dry, almost detached tone. "Thank you, Madam Sol, but that sounds dangerous so I'll pass. I have children to take care of."

Madam Sol and Ahn Jaejun exchange a look. Jaejun, standing behind her like her shadow, explains. "There is no quid pro quo if that's what you're suspecting, Doctor. The Young Master is well-loved by us. We aren't deceiving you."

"I still don't understand," Seri steps away from them, "Why would you do this?"

"Family is sacred," he answers like it's of no consequence.

Her face twists with bewilderment. She stares at them, mouth slightly open, waiting for them to reveal their prank. "Like...like the Godfather?" She gapes. "Is that what you guys are? Like someone from the Godfather?"

"More or less," Madam Sol nods.

Seri looks around, waiting to see if anybody else is in on it. So far, none of the nurses or staff members seem to look their way. "You tell me that you're a mafia group—"

"Actually, we're The Mafia in this country," Madam Sol interrupts proudly. "Everybody else is a cheap impersonation. A knockoff."

She claps her hands, forcing joy on her face. "Okay! How do I know you're not just making things up? You could be lying." Pinching the bridge of her nose, she mumbles, "We're having this talk in broad daylight, for Christ's sake."

"You've proven yourself to be a perceptive doctor," Ahn Jaejun comments, "Go on. Perceive us."

Seri gulps. She rakes her eyes over him, stopping first over his chest where the now-punctured tiger tattoo lay. Slowly, she tries to study Madam Sol. She looks like an average granny, if she were being honest. But Seri tries harder and looks closer without being too obnoxious about it.

"Your scalp," she says slowly, "is tattooed." Under all that prim white hair, there are hints of faded green, blue, and black. Seri can't tell whether that's the reason she feels her stupid lunch sandwich rise up her foodpipe.

"Indeed." Madam Sol poofs up the ends of her bob-cut proudly. "Got them when I was sixteen."

Seri feels the air from her lungs get sucked out. She raises a shaky finger, "Assuming that you're not lying to me—"

"We're not," Jaejun says. He's a very monotonous man with a drier tone than Taeoh had when she first met him.

She clears her throat and clasps her hands over her front. "What," she slowly begins, fully aware that she may sound like a clown for actually believing this old woman to be a mobster, "if I may ask, is the expiration date of this protection service?"

"We can be nice and not nice, Doctor Kim. It's about etiquette and honour with us."

Seri's gaze flickers between the two. If they're telling the truth, if she's just been offered safety and security by people with guns for free, then Seri would be a fool to turn it down. Considering the drastic way her life's about to change and how Taeoh's involvement in Taeri's life is only going to bring her under Kangoh's radar. Suddenly, the talks of desperation and power Taeoh made years ago make sense to her.

"I understand you are extending your gratitude," Seri finally says, bracing herself, "And I know you must've either watched me or done a background check on me. All the same, I'd like to lay out some terms first."

Seri reaches and grabs and yanks at the first rope of power the universe presents to her, hopefully as an apology for all the sucker punches it pulled on her.

"If the time comes," she says, shoving her hand in her scrub pocket, "I'd like you to point your guns at Kang Joongmo, the Chairman of Kangoh."

•✧•

Chapter Text

While Taeri spends the evening doing homework at Taeoh's new apartment, Seri holds an emergency meeting in her kitchen. Yebin struggles to stay awake while Zara and Woosung start theorising the reason for convening before Seri has a chance to open her mouth.

"Does this have something to do with why you fainted?" Zara asks, hands clutched over the table. The other two react outwardly at this, raising their brows, and asking for an explanation.

Seri walks up and down the space between the table and the kitchenette. "Yes, it does," she says in a rushed state, trying not to panic outwardly, "But this is more like a long-term crisis management meeting that I'd really like to know your opinion on because it concerns Taeri and my career."

All the drowsiness vanishes from Yebin's face when she asks, "Are you quitting?"

"Or are you sick?" Woosung adds, concerned.

"Close," Seri presses her palms together and points her fingertips at him. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh, no," Zara breathes.

"I'm well into my fourth month."

"Oh, no."

"It's Taeoh's."

"Oh, no!"

Seri's mouth stretches into a sarcastic smile. She clasps her hands over her heart. "Thank you," she beams, "That did wonders for my emotional state."

A grim silence falls over the group. Then, Woosung shakes his head in confusion. "Wait, you guys are still sleeping together?" He makes a face, "I thought he was pissed at you, and you were avoiding each other or something."

"It was one time and one time only," Seri exhales loudly, still pacing. "We haven't talked properly since then because it got weird. Anyway, that's not the point. I'm short on time and I have to figure out how to handle the next several months without this hurting my residency."

Her friends baulk. "You don't want to talk about this?" Zara points at her stomach which, to be honest, looks the usual with its post-instant-ramyeon bloat.

"Not until I have a plan."

Yebin stops Zara from arguing further. "I think you can apply for an academic break," she suggests helpfully, "And residents get maternity leave, if required. I'm sure Doctor Im and the admin will approve your request."

"That'll set my career back," Seri counters.

"Finish third year, apply for leave, give birth, hire a nanny, come back for fourth year and take the second specialty board exam," Woosung offers.

This time, Zara shoots down the idea. "And raise a neglected, resentful child who'll grow up to be a psychopath because they'll think she favoured Taeri?" she asks rhetorically.

"Working while nursing and raising a pre-teen will kill you," Woosung says thoughtfully, "God knows how you managed during med school."

Yebin pipes up, "Wasn't your family here? Taking care of Taeri when you were at uni?" Seri can't ask them to do that again. She can't expect them to put their lives on halt and fly halfway across the world to babysit.

"But maybe you don't have to," Zara glances around at all of them, "Remember the announcement for the fellowship? It has a list of foreign university hospitals you can apply for. Lee from Cardio is going to Zurich. The deadline for application is in three days."

The Kangoh residents are obviously confused but Seri feels a glimmer of hope in her chest. The pieces of the plan begin to fall into place when Zara reads out the hospitals listed in the program. "You have several choices in Dublin so that's good."

Seri rubs her chin and wracks her brain. "I have several research proposals from uni still lying around that my supervisor approved. I can work on that. Polish it a bit. Doctor Im and Doctor Park can recommend me. I think Moira might know someone who can accelerate my application from the other end." Ahn Jaejun's face flashes across her mind. Sure, she can ask for his help but only as a last resort. "Great," she slaps her fist into her palm. "Fantastic. I have three months tops. I need to talk to Taeri's grandparents for their permission. There's a school near my mom's apartment that she can attend for a year. Of course, if Taeri doesn't want to go, we stay—"

"Go where?"

The group scampers frantically when Taeri and Taeoh walk in, the latter holding Taeri's school bag. They make an identical face of exasperation at the Seri and her friends' childishness. "Are we going somewhere?" Taeri asks as the group huddles together.

"Oh, look at the time!" Yebin leaps to her feet, shoving Woosung to do the same, "We should get going and leave you guys to talk. Get up, Zara."

They're out of the door before anyone can say anything.

Seri's mouth dries up when she accidentally meets Taeoh's eyes. Maybe she imagines the kick to her stomach. It's too early for her to show but she stays behind the dinner table for good measure. Rubbing the back of her neck, she averts her eyes and turns to Taeri. "Why don't you go wash up and we'll have a chat, love?" She smiles tautly. Taeri eyes her suspiciously but she does as she's told.

Setting the schoolbag down by the cabinet, Taeoh frowns, "What's going on?"

"There's this research program I'm looking at." It's not a lie but it's not the complete truth either. Seri hopes he doesn't notice the way she's started to sweat. "It's for a couple of months. Adds to my residency."

"And you want to take Taeri with you?"

"Obviously." She tries reeling in the attitude and explains calmly, "I can't leave her with her grandparents. Or with you. I'm still her legal guardian even if she calls you dad." The second she hears what she just said, Seri is overcome with nausea. Bile burns the back of her throat. Dad. She turns away under the pretence of putting a coffee mug away. "I need to ask Taeri, though. I'll only apply if she says yes."

"Why?" Taeoh sits down across from her.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she nods, "Constantly readjusting to a new environment causes kids a lot of stress that affects their mental health. If the thought of moving scares her then I don't want to put her through it."

"She's too young to make such decisions."

"She should know that her opinion matters."

"I…" When Taeoh trails off, Seri believes it's because he's contemplating her profound dialogue and A-plus parenting tactics. Instead, mildly discomfited, he scrutinizes her and asks, "Did you do something to your face?"

Caught off guard and flustered, Seri is saved from answering when Taeri returns, wiping her palms on her leggings. "Hey," she asks Taeoh, "will you stay for dinner?"

"No. I, uh," Taeoh glances at Seri, still wondering about her face, no doubt. What even had he noticed? She does her best not to check her reflection on a spoon or a casserole. "I have several meetings tomorrow. And I'm being sent on a business trip to Osaka."

Taeri mopes and whines, shoving his arm ineffectively. "You're always working. What, what do you mean business trip?"

How could Seri possibly tell him? Han Taeoh frightened her for the first time in her life. Seri didn't know if she could bear to hear his answer. Whether he rejected her and said he couldn't afford another liability or whether he stepped up to take responsibility—Seri was too afraid of either of the choices. The strain in his brow and the stiffness in his shoulders stopped her from blurting it out.

Too wrapped up in her musings, she misses the short exchange between Taeoh and Taeri. "Mam? Mam!" She jolts out of her thoughts when Taeri tugs at her sleeve.

"Yes, sorry," Seri sucks in a breath, suddenly feeling the room spin. "I need to sit down for a second." She sits with her head in her hands, trying to shake off the dizziness spell. Taeri lays her cheek against her shoulder blade and sweetly asks if she's feeling okay. "Long shift. Got into an argument with an HOD. And Doctor Im more or less pulled the rug from under my feet."

Taeri frowns, "He made you fall down?"

Seri puts her arms around Taeri and the little girl sits on her lap, concerned. Looking back at Taeoh, Seri asks, "Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?" It's a game of chance, she decides. If he says yes, she'll tell him. If he declines, she won't.

A flicker of hesitation crosses Taeoh's face. He seems mildly concerned too. "Actually," he checks his watch and Seri feels her heart begin to climb up her throat, "I really can't. I have…things to do."

Her heart slides back down into her ribcage. "That's okay," she says as Taeri sulks because she never wants him to leave, "Maybe next time."

•✧•

Seri only breaches the topic at bedtime, when it's dark and quiet and she feels more at ease. She sits cross-legged on Taeri's bed while Taeri is bundled up in her colourful quilt, and recalls the pointers WikiHow's article on 'How to Tell Your Child You're Pregnant' mentioned.

"So…" Seri begins in English, "What do you think about having another baby in the house?"

Taeri immediately sets her storybook aside, eyes wide. "Are you giving me away?" She panics, quickly crawling closer to Seri, "If it's about what I said at my school then I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, Mammy!"

"What—no, that's not what I—"

She rises on her knees, little hands pressed up against the sides of Seri's face. "I want to live with you, Mammy. Forever and ever and ever. And I will do whatever you tell me to do. I won't complain about lunch or dinner or breakfast and I'll brush my teeth on time and I'll go to bed on time. And I'll even tell you all the secrets between me and dad too."

"Taeri, I'm not—hang on." Seri holds Taeri by her shoulders, squinting with suspicion. "Secrets? What secrets do you and Taeoh have?"

She averts her gaze, quite obviously guilty, and asks in a small voice, "Will you send me to live with my grandparents?"

"Of course not," Seri says, pulling her into a careful hug, "I meant like a sibling."

There's a beat of silence. Then, Taeri goes, "But aren't we poor to have three people in the family?"

Slowly, she leans out of the embrace and asks, "We kind of are but why is that your first thought?"

"Because I thought that's why dad can't come live with us."

"Taeri, he has a job that pays him."

"So he can live here with us?"

"No." She pinches the bridge of her nose and calmly says, "It's not that simple. Back to the point. Sibling. Yes or no?"

Taeri narrows her eyes, thinking hard. "Can I pick if I want a brother or a sister?"

"Unfortunately, it's a lucky draw, love."

This is going swimmingly well, Seri thinks. She had expected crying and sobbing and vehement refusals. They had been at odds since the sports festival. But underneath it all, Taeri was always pacific about everything. As Seri finds herself smiling at her daughter, Taeri begins to climb out of her bed.

"Okay," she nods, standing by the bedroom door, "Let's go."

"Go where?" It strikes Seri immediately and she laughs. "Oh, no, darling. That's not what I meant. Babies don't—Come here. I'll try to explain as much as I should."

•✧•

Taeri still has questions on the way to school the next day. "But who's the dad?" She doesn't hold back any punches and Seri finds herself coughing uncontrollably. "Like," she pulls her legs up on the passenger seat and picks at her uniform skirt, "I know there's supposed to be a mom and dad."

Sleep-deprived yet somehow fully functional, Seri answers diplomatically, "I can be both. I was your mom and dad and uncle and auntie at the same time."

"Yeah, but that was long time ago." Taeri always speaks musically and it takes Seri a moment to realise that her Irish intonation is slipping into her Korean. "Can dad be the baby's dad too?"

"About that." The car comes to a halt outside the gates of Taeri's school. With the utmost seriousness, Seri says to her, "I don't know what secrets you and Taeoh are keeping from me but…" She'd never been religious but she's quite sure she's going to hell for this. "This is a secret between you and me, okay? If you don't tell Taeoh about the baby, then I won't ask you about your secret."

Taeri's frown is worryingly deep. "But why?"

"Because I said so." Seri reaches over to unbuckle her seatbelt, "Now, scram. Don't get in trouble and pay attention in class."

Instead of getting out, Taeri leans closer and whispers, "Okay. Have a nice day. I love you."

"Aw, thanks—"

"I wasn't talking to you."

Seri blinks then deadpans, "Get out."

•✧•

The hospital staff doesn't shy away from whispering about her in the corridors. But she plans on dealing with them once she's spoken to her team lead and Doctor Park. She bears the pointed looks her colleagues and fellow residents send her and waits until they're done with their morning rounds to corner Doctor Im.

"I worked on a few proposals for the research fellowship," she tells him, matching his quick pace as they go hallway to hallway, down to his office. "The program Doctor Park told me about is still accepting applications and I'd like you to look them over. Once my third year ends, I plan on spending a year at a university hospital in Dublin."

Sitting behind his desk, Doctor Im cleans his glasses with the ends of his white coat before putting them on. "You've come to terms with your pregnancy then? I would've thought you'd take an academic break."

"Would you like me to email you the proposals or would you prefer me to print them?" She asks instead.

He interlocks his fingers under his chin. "Why should I approve your application after all the trouble you've caused me? I'm knee-deep in paperwork and yet need to find time to take the Head of Pediatrics out to an apology dinner."

"Because I was an amazing intern and a really good doctor!" Seri exclaims, "And because taking a break would mean I'd have to work twice as hard in my fourth year which might delay me taking the board. And you shouldn't need to apologise. His diagnosis was wrong!"

Doctor Im observes her through his round-framed glasses. He runs a hand over his salt-and-pepper hair and huffs. "Fine," he says, "I'll go over your proposals and write you a recommendation but only when you go up to OBGYN and have a checkup."

"What?" Seri asks, taken aback, "Why? I'm okay. I feel fine."

"I don't care what you feel, Doctor Kim," he answers, dismissing her, "I want your results on my table by the end of the day. You're no good to me or the hospital if you're unhealthy or at risk."

•✧•

Seri doesn't peek into her results and drops the file off at her team lead's desk before heading to Doctor Park. The woman greets her with a frown at the Cardiology Department's reception. "I've told the nurses to mind their manners," she tells Seri, "But I'm afraid the rumour's already spread."

"It's not a rumour," Seri says, pressing her lips together in a hapless smile. "I'm halfway into the fourth month and, to be honest, I do see the appeal in gossiping as I'd do the same but that's not what I want to talk to you about."

Doctor Park is torn between saying congratulations and telling the nurses to stop eavesdropping. "Go on," she urges Seri.

She fills her in about her plan of action, requesting a recommendation letter. "I know you have a big surgery coming up," she adds, "I'll assist you. I'll take over any patients you can't accommodate either."

"Relax," the woman laughs, "I'll write you one. Are you sure that's all you need from me?"

"No, that would be everything." Seri shakes her head and begins to express her gratitude.

Doctor Park tilts her head like Seri is a curious specimen. She lowers her voice and says, "I thought you'd want me to find a way to have your proposal approved at the earliest. I do keep urging you to get on your seniors' good sides to be able to ask them for favours."

She waves her hand in denial, "Oh, no. Stuff like that doesn't sit well with me. Politicians and people in power can get dangerous and I can't afford it." She says that but Ahn Jaejun is sitting a few floors below her with a gun in his suit jacket, waiting to talk to her.

"I know exactly what…" Doctor Park gets cut off by her phone vibrating in her coat pocket. She mumbles an 'excuse me' before fishing it out. Almost instantly, her face twists with barely controllable rage and hatred. "I'll see you later, Doctor Kim," she says and brushes past her without another word.

"O—" She's already disappeared into the emergency exit, "—kay."

When she pushes her elbow off the counter to leave, the nurses by the storage closet stumble away and pretend to be busy. With an irritated huff, Seri says to them, "Why don't you all gather around and I'll give you the real story instead of rumours?"

•✧•

"So, have you told him?" Zara asks as they wait in line at the cafeteria for a quick break.

Since Seri can't take caffeine, she's stuck ordering a smoothie and takes a whiff of Zara's coffee when their orders arrive. The new cafeteria attendant hands Zara her coffee and exclaims an enthusiastic 'Shukran!'

For a moment, they, along with several colleagues still in queue, stop and stare at the barista. Though he doesn't think he's done anything wrong, the barista grows uncomfortable under the numerous eyes on him. Heaving a sigh, because it is the first time this has happened, Zara taps the hospital's emblem on her white coat. "Doctor Zara Hwang, if it helps," she tells him politely and struts off, ignoring his repeated apologies.

"I haven't," Seri answers the earlier question, flopping down on one of the chairs by the window. She grimaces at the taste of the smoothie but suffers through it anyway.

From the shock on Zara's face, one would've thought Seri was drinking her grandmother's blood. "Are you crazy?" She exclaims, "Why?"

"Because." Seri can't come up with a simple explanation. "I don't want to."

Zara is speechless for a few seconds, her brows furrowing as she tries to stifle her bewilderment. Finally, she groans. "I don't like it," she says.

"I know you don't."

"But I can't force you so I'll settle for calling you a moron." She sips her coffee and rolls her eyes when Seri hides a smile behind her cup. "How are you feeling so far? Any new symptoms or changes?" She asks, her tone more gentle now. "Any morning sickness?"

"I didn't have nausea, to be honest. I mean, I did feel like throwing up once or twice, but that was because of the stress from overworking. And not eating properly. Heartburn, maybe. I do feel a tightness in my stomach, especially when I move around too much. But I kept passing it off as cramps."

"That's normal at this stage," she discusses, "Don't overexert yourself. Though I suppose you're prone to as you're under Doctor Im. Any issues with your blood pressure or any unusual pains?"

Seri shakes her head. "I didn't check my results but guessing by the nurse's reactions, everything's normal. My feet are swelling up now, unfortunately." She clicks her tongue, already dreading the next few months. "Just part of the package, I guess. God, my Marlboros keep looking at me with tears in their eyes."

"It's been two—wait." Zara sits up straight, "Have you been smoking all this time?"

"No." It's oddly relieving that she actually hasn't been smoking and drinking like usual. "I just never had the time. Ugh, I can't wait for this to be over."

•✧•

By the end of the night, Seri gets several emails regarding the research fellowship. The smugness of being accepted, however, is very quickly overpowered by sheer, freezing fear and anxiousness.

"Oh my god." She slaps her palms over her ears as the realisation finally sinks into her bones and begins to gnaw at the sinew. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my fucking god. This is crazy. This is insane. What the fuck am I thinking?"

She paces back and forth, coming to an abrupt halt in front of the mirror stuck on her closet. Seri's hair is in disarray. Her eyes are wide and panicked. "There's going to be a human being inside me," she wheezes, hands still clutching her head, "I'm going to get painfully heavy. Oh, god, the bills. The school tuition. The crying. The feeding." Seri gasps loudly, horrified, and presses her hands over her heart. "The possibility of gingivitis!"

She scampers for her phone and squints hard at Taeoh's contact. But what can he possibly do from Osaka? A grossly false rendition of his voice floats into her ears, half-heartedly apologising that she's in such a condition before aloofly saying he can't do anything about it.

"Wait a second," she murmurs to herself, pocketing her phone, "I make more than him. Most of the expenses for Taeri's schooling come from her grandparents. I can do this on my own. I don't need Taeoh."

"For what?" Seri nearly jumps out of her skin when she finds Taeri peeping from the door, half hiding behind it. "What does dad have to do with it?" She asks.

Seri recalls every single awkward question she asked her parents in the past with regret. "It's going to be weird for him, right?" She plays it off with a laugh, "When you call him dad but the new baby won't. But it's okay." She's not making any fucking sense.

"It is?" Taeri frowns, evidently confused.

"Yeah, sure. He's a grown-up. He'll figure it out. Now," she gestured at her computer, "You want to help me look at flight tickets to granny's?"

•✧•

He doesn't know what prompted the dinner invite. It is an even bigger surprise when he finds that, apart from Seri's friend circle, Hyewon is invited as well.

"Just a get-together," Seri assures him on the phone, "Since everyone's free this weekend. I'm not forcing you. It'd be nice if you came anyway."

He tries not to be obvious again. He really does. Taeoh tries not to think of the birthmark on Seri's neck or how she mewled his name and held him tightly against her chest or all the places and the ways she touched him when they were under her sheets. But Zara still nudges his rib and muffles a laugh because he just can't help it. He studies Seri's inexplicably glowing face from across the living room as if it's the most interesting artefact on the planet.

She crinkles her nose childishly and laughs, her head thrown back, at something Inha says and Taeoh finds that wants to be in on the joke. They're both at the dining table, elbows against their temples as they sit facing each other. Inha speaks animatedly and Seri rolls her eyes, pulling faces at him.

They used to talk like that when they were all in school, he recalls, smothering the feeling of being left out.

"You're staring." Hyewon surprises him into quickly averting his gaze. She sits on the sofa adjacent to his armchair to escape the small talk Yebin had been trying to make with her. "Or does Inha look even more interesting to you today?"

Taeoh sinks into his armchair, pretending to search for Taeri instead. "I zoned out," he says casually.

"Sure." She looks down at her wine glass and smiles to herself. "Do you like her then? Kim Seri?"

He knows he's done a good job hiding his knee-jerk reaction when Hyewon doesn't call him out for it. "We don't particularly enjoy each other's company," he tells her, "We've barely tolerated each other since high school. I'm civil with her only because of Taeri."

"Then," she hums, turning her gaze back to Seri and Inha who've reclined too much towards the tabletop and are arguing lightheartedly, "Should I be worried?" The question is phrased as if she questions Inha's affections when, really, Hyewon is more concerned about her 'position' being under threat.

"Hasn't Inha ever talked about her with you?" The question slips out.

Hyewon sighs and tugs at the collar of her silk blouse. "Very little," she says, "Says she's nothing more than a friend."

Taeoh reaffirms it by nodding. "They had a rocky start," he thinks back to the school rooftop, to the day he first saw Seri properly. "Used to swear at each other all the time. They didn't really have anyone else so they grew accustomed to each other. Inha's never liked her like that." It feels like a lie but Taeoh can't bring himself to think of it any other way. "And Seri's... not interested. She has other things stressing her out. So, no," he glances at her, amused, "she's not a threat to you."

Hyewon refrains from scoffing when Taeri shuffles towards him with raised arms. "Did you enjoy your trip?" Taeri asks when he perches her on his lap.

"It was mostly work."

"So you didn't see Tokyo Tower?"

"No. That's in Tokyo. I was in Osaka."

"That's far?"

"Yeah."

"How about Doraemon? Did you see Doraemon?"

"I don't think he's a real person you can see walking around."

She flops her head against his shoulder with a huff. "That's so boring," she says, "What's the point of being a grown-up if you work all the time?"

Taeoh pats her back sympathetically. "Your mom works more than me," he points out.

"Yeah, but she still does fun stuffs with me. The other day, she took me to the beach. And before that, the zoo. And before that, we went to Lotte World." She sits up straight again, "I'd show you pictures but Mam doesn't let me use the phone for more than an hour a day. I think she's mad at you about it. She put locks and stuffs on it."

He plans on correcting her, not for the first time, that 'stuffs' is grammatically wrong in this context. But he and Taeri are distracted by Hyewon laughing with sincerity. It's a little surprising and makes his heart flutter against his will.

"Your mom's raised you with so much care," Hyewon says, looking up at them, "I'm envious of you, Taeri. I'd switch places with you in a heartbeat."

"You wouldn't have met Inha or me, then," Taeoh tries to joke.

She simply says, "So?" and he doesn't reply.

•✧•

It's during dinner that Taeoh finally notices that Seri's switched out her wine glass to whatever juice Taeri's drinking. Her face contorts now and then, and he can't decipher whether she wants to throw up or if she's in pain. He only starts paying attention to the conversation around him when he hears the word 'pimping' from Woosung.

Instantly, he glances at Taeri, "Don't ever use that word."

"Calm down," Woosung holds up his palms, "Have you been listening at all? The word doesn't mean what you think it means in this context. But, yeah," he nods seriously at Taeri from across the crowded table, "Don't use that word casually."

"Doctor Im likes to do that during surgery," Seri adds with a tight smile, one arm hugging her stomach, "But only when I'm the assisting resident."

Zara cackles, "We'd all make bets while observing on how quickly Seri would start crying."

She scowls at her friends, "I couldn't, could I? I was told to hold it in because my tears could fall inside the person and kill him. Plus, I had to participate and, you know, do my job?"

"It's true," Zara says, chuckling. "You've always had it rough, Seri. But Yebin here—" she nods towards their friend "—she skates through the medical life."

Yebin blushes slightly. "That's not fair. I have my challenges too."

Woosung laughs, "Sure, but you and Zara were always the intellectual ones. Seri and I had to hustle a lot more."

"Seri's a special case so you have no excuse for yourself," she shoots him a scowl. "Besides, Kangoh Medical Center is big on using robotics during surgery, and I find it a little difficult to work with them. It's not like they teach you that stuff properly in med school."

At this, Hyewon tilts her head towards Inha, "Weren't you on a few biotech projects?"

"Oh, yeah. That's right," Woosung chimes in, "I remember seeing your signatures on some documents during training."

Inha presses a hand to his face and groans, "Don't remind me. I might as well have earned a degree in biotech for the amount of studying I did for those. The research and troubleshooting had me pulling all-nighters for months."

"It can't have been that hard for you, right?" Taeoh says absentmindedly as he readjusts Taeri's chair next to his. He doesn't notice how quiet the table's gone until Inha lets out a short, curt laugh.

"Well, it was," he says in a clipped tone. "We can't all be—"

"My fellowship came through," Seri interjects, setting her cutlery down, "We're moving to Dublin in about three months."

Taeoh loses his trail of thought amidst the round of cheers that erupt. His heart's taken a huge dive and it only seems to be sinking deeper. While she takes to answering and responding to questions and comments, he turns his attention to Taeri. She kicks her feet, listening to the chatter, and doesn't look as nervous as she was on the first day of Second Grade. "Excited?" He asks her quietly.

"Yeah!" She grins back at him and he's almost offended by her enthusiasm. "I really like being with granny. She's like this marshmellow of love, you know? And I also like grandad's house because you can see the mountains and there's, like, so much space outside. There's sheeps and stuffs too."

He doesn't know what he had expected her response to be. Did a part of him want Taeri to insist that she would stay? Very, very faintly. Had he wanted her to say that she'd want him to come with her, or that she'd miss him and maybe he should visit her as much as he can? Possibly. But the zeal and the eagerness stop Taeoh from moping publicly. It's only a year, he tells himself. Time will fly by because he'd be too busy chasing after the phantom of a hacker he heard of during his time in the military.

Somberly, he corrects Taeri, "Sheep and stuff."

•✧•

After discovering that Taeri's moved on from the Berenstain Bears to books like Matilda and Charlotte's Web, and firmly refusing to read her something titled Captain Underpants, Taeoh discovers her old toys in a box by her shelf.

"Didn't you say you outgrew them?" He raises a brow.

"Mom says it's for something that I can't tell you," Taeri says, peeping from under her quilt. "If I don't tell you the secret then she doesn't ask for our secret."

It takes him a second to remember she means the photograph that he now hides in his walkman, in a slot on its case, covering his mother's cassette tape. "Best not to talk about it, then," Taeoh answers.

He sits on the edge of her mattress and tucks Taeri back in. "Can't you come with us?" She asks, tugging at his little finger with both hands.

"I can't." He feels more disheartened than he lets on. "My boss won't let me."

"The—en," she stretches the syllable, "Will you come visit?"

"I'll try to."

Taeri crosses her arms over her chest grumpily and frowns. "That's not fair," she pouts, "It's like you're not going to miss me at all!"

"I will," he insists, "I'll miss you more than you'll miss me."

"That's not true."

Before he can think, Taeoh leans forward, puts his arms around her and nuzzles against her cheek. Taeri squeals and bursts into giggles, hugging him back. He hears himself laugh too and recalls all the times his mother had hugged him like this when he'd been upset with her. "I never lie to you," he promises, "I wish the world was simpler so that I could always stay with you."

•✧•

Seri's on the ground, in the bathroom, when he finds her. Unlike earlier at dinner, she's pale and sickly. She reassures him that she's okay and that she'd thrown up because of eating something she hated.

Taeoh sits across her and frowns. "But are you alright?" He asks again, "You've been…off for the past few weeks."

"Yeah. Fine." She takes a moment to catch her breath only to jolt and lurch forward. with her hand flying to her stomach. Taeoh takes a step to help her but she waves him off. "I think I'm coming down with the flu. And, uh…" Seri closes her eyes and rubs her chest to ease the discomfort. "I scrubbed in for a surgery or two that went wrong. Med school doesn't exactly teach you how to process death."

He doesn't know how to comfort her over that. Back when he'd stayed over, Taeoh had seen the girls wrench Woosung away from the bathroom sink when he continued to scrub his hands raw under the hot water. The man had cried and sobbed before pulling himself together and leaving for work a few hours later.

Sensing that she'd left him tongue-tied, Seri attempts to lighten the situation. "Eugh, we all thought our life would be like Grey's Anatomy, you know? With all the drama and the fun and the hot bosses to sleep around with. I mean, personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable but god, it's just work and work and more work. It's not as cool as the dramas make it out to be."

Taeoh frowns, "I don't know that show."

"Of course you don't," she laughs and a little colour returns to her face.

Seri watches him twiddle his thumbs and waits for him to speak. "Do you have to go?" It comes out as a plea.

She smiles helplessly at him and says, "I do."

"And…" He rubs the back of his neck, stretching his legs across so that his feet touch the wall. "And Taeri? Does she need to go with you?"

"Be realistic, Taeoh," she says gently, "You're far too serious about your plans. I don't say it as a bad thing but we both know you can't take care of her by yourself. You don't have the time or space."

"A year is too long," he points out swiftly. When she doesn't say anything, Taeoh lets out a resigned sigh. "Why did you suddenly think of it?" He asks, "To leave? You didn't want to before."

Seri's eyebrows knit together briefly. "I always wanted to," she replies, "No matter how many years I spend here, this will still never be my home. I'll never feel like I'll belong. And I don't want to. It's too…too complex. Too suffocating. You can't understand because you were born here. My home is halfway across the world, with my friends and family—the people I grew up with."

Softly, he can't help but add, "We grew up together too."

The look that flits across her face is unexplainable. Like she's mourning something. Or maybe like she appreciates that he's pointed it out. Or maybe, it's pity. Taeoh really can't tell.

Seri clasps her hands over her stomach before jolting to sit up straight instead. "Plus, the research program adds to my credentials too," she tells him, "I'm just as serious about my career, you know? Only, I have more luggage on me."

She's beautiful, he thinks. With the exhaustion that's become permanent on her features and the dishevelled hair framing her face, she's still beautiful. But instead of the superficial compliment, he says, "You're very impressive, Kim Seri."

Her mouth curves into a wide, smug smile. "I know." She pretends to flick her hair over her shoulder.

An easy chuckle escapes Taeoh's mouth. He doesn't want to leave. His apartment is cold and dark and ill-suited to his taste. He'd rather stay here and…Taeoh's eyes snap up towards Seri to see that she's lost in thought, staring at the mat by her knee. He gives himself too much leeway when it comes to her and Taeri, he realises. It's always 'ten more minutes', 'another hour', 'one last day', 'just this evening' with them.

"As much as I hate to say it," Seri pauses, mulling over her words, "I believe you and Taeri were meant to find each other. She really likes you." There's a tinge of regret in her words. He doesn't fault her for it.

"I'm glad."

"But what happens after that?" Her voice catches and she clears her throat as discreetly as she can. "What if you meet someone and they don't want Taeri in your lives? You'd have to distance yourself from her to keep your partner from being uncomfortable."

He raises a shoulder, "I could ask you the same thing."

"What's there to explain? We come as a package now, I suppose. I'll want her approval up until she's of a certain age. She's my daughter."

With a casual wave, Taeoh says, "Well, there you have it."

Seri rolls her eyes at him, not believing him as always. She twitches again, like her insides are cramping. Deciding to put an end to their heart-to-heart, Taeoh helps her up. She winces with an unexpected jerk and grumbles impatiently about going to bed.

The minute they step back into her bedroom, Taeoh does his best to not give in to the temptation of sinking his face into the curve of her neck. His hand brushes against Seri's waist and she freezes. But before he can even move down to touch her hip, she turns and asks.

"Why did you say that to Inha?"

He blinks, "I barely had the chance to speak to him today."

"At dinner," she clarifies, "When he was talking about his projects. You didn't have to belittle him like that."

Baffled, Taeoh tries to recall what he could have possibly said for her to think like that. "I meant it like a casual compliment. Inha's quite capable. I didn't mean it as an insult."

Seri's eyebrows knit together in disbelief. Her eyes relax and she stares at him in amusement. "And you keep wondering why I call you frigid," she comments with a shake of her head, "For someone as clever as you, how are you so out of it, Taeoh?"

•✧•

Zara gets a call in the middle of the night. She fears the worst but relaxes when she finds it's just Seri having a complete meltdown. "The baby kicks every time Han Taeoh speaks," she sobs into the phone, "I'm going to kill myself, Zara. The baby's already picking sides!"

•✧•

Shortly after, unfortunately, Seri begins to 'show'. She chokes on tears every time she catches her reflection and switches out her usual attires of sleeveless blouses and jeans to billowy tunics and high-waisted skirts. Her friends and Taeri find books to coach them all through this phase. More often than not, Taeri has her ear pressed against Seri's stomach, attempting to interact with the baby. The contents of their fridge change into healthier food, courtesy of Yebin who also shoots her shot at swiping all the alcohol in the house.

"To make it easier for you," she shamelessly grins.

Though it's not much of a problem at work as everyone's supportive and helpful ("It shouldn't come as a surprise," Zara scoffs when Seri brings it up, "We're all healthcare providers, not dicks."), it becomes trickier to hide from Taeoh.

As if yanked back to consciousness, he spends the time not at work with Taeri. Seri has no idea what they do together or where they go, just that Taeoh picks her up from school and either walks through the front door with Taeri asleep on his back or lets her know that Taeri insists on a 'sleepover'.

"Having a tea party with her dolls?" Seri asks when she calls from the hospital to check up on them.

There's a stretch of embarrassed silence. Then, he slowly admits, "Something like that."

The few times Taeoh and Seri have been face to face is in the living room. Seri's almost always huddled under a large blanket, lying on the sofa, either watching cricket reruns or some gruesome true crime episode that neither Taeoh nor Taeri can stomach.

Seri pauses watching the cricket match when Taeri nearly flings the door open and storms into the living room. "Can you believe him?" She exclaims, flopping next to Seri and throwing her arms around her.

"I can," Seri sighs, patting her on the back, and asks Taeoh when he sheepishly walks in after, "What happened now?"

"Dad promised we could play after I did my stupid homework," Taeri grumbles, thoroughly irritated, "but then he turned the cafe game into a huge speech about taxes and write-offs."

"Taeri—"

She cuts him off with an angry 'no' and buries her face further into Seri's neck. "I'm never going anywhere with you!"

Seri chortles at the stricken look on Taeoh's face. "Fair play to you," she says, "for trying to teach her financial responsibility."

"I'm seven!" Taeri bemoans furiously, "I don't need all that."

When Taeoh comes to kneel by the sofa, Seri is flung into a mild panic. She hurriedly fixes the blanket over her and folds her knees. Luckily, he doesn't look anywhere else but at Taeri. "It just slipped out, Taeri." He shakes her shoulder when she refuses to look at him, "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Taeri? Don't be mad at me, please."

"Aw, look at you being so apologetic." Seri reaches over to run her fingers through Taeoh's hair before lightly smacking his temple. "Stop doing that," she orders, "or she'll keep playing you. Taeri, sit up right now. There's no need to throw a grand fit over this."

She lets out something close to a whine and a whimper.

With a scowl, Seri begins to push her into sitting up. "That's enough out of you," she says firmly, "You can't make him grovel like this, Taeri. You're the one who keeps calling him your dad. So you better check that attitude before I knock it out of you."

"Seri." Taeoh's voice is reprimanding but she spares him little attention.

She nudges Taeri again. "Now, get up," she instructs sternly, "and move out of my way, both of you. I've missed two overs thanks to you."

•✧•

There's a list of people Seri still needs to tell about her…condition. And her parents' names aren't on it. She doesn't know how to have the conversation with them over the phone. By default, she doesn't tell Liam either, though something about her tone tips him off into knowing she's keeping something from him. Seri does, however, insist that all three of them come to pick her up from the airport. Liam's quite flabbergasted by the demand but he doesn't say no. In fact, he sounds too excited to finally have a reason to take time off from work.

Over the weekend, she takes the train to Maju with Taeri. Her uncle nearly collapses on the doorstep when he sees her. "For a second," he wheezes, hand on his heart, "I thought you gained weight."

"I wish…" Seri grumbles, watching Taeri run around the house and peer at her old things she never got the chance to take home with her. They sit at the dining table while her uncle makes tea. Seri reminisces how, years ago, she'd come back home to find Taeoh hunched over in the very chair she was sitting on. Her uncle's hairline hadn't yet started to recede. Quietly, she looks at him and says, "You can't tell Han Taeoh."

He freezes, holding the teacups in midair. "What?" He turns slowly, startled.

"I know you're in touch with him. He says you two talk often. You need to promise me, uncle, that you won't bring this up with him."

"Oh." He stares vacantly at a random spot on the wall behind Seri. "Oh, I see."

The man sets the tea and snacks down in utter silence. He clasps his hands over the table and fidgets as Seri drinks the tea in one go. They watch Taeri run inside from the veranda and pick a cookie from the tray before dashing back into the yard.

Her uncle clears his throat and asks the basic questions first. How far along are you? Is it a boy or a girl? How is Taeri handling it? How are you handling it? And You're six months along. Are you sure you should be travelling long journeys in this condition?

Finally, when Taeri curls up in Seri's old bed and falls asleep, her uncle sucks in a deep breath and whisper-yells, "Han Taeoh? Really?"

"I'm not answering any questions related to that," Seri flatly says.

He looks troubled, cinching his brows and murmuring inaudibly under his breath. Then, he leans back and sighs. "To be honest," he begins, "Your father always knew. He used to say it was only a matter of time—"

"We're not together—what?" Seri's face screws up in disgust. "I can't believe this. A snake in my own house."

Her uncle laughs, "I could see why he thought so. You and Taeoh had this meaningless hostility between you two that your dad couldn't help but think otherwise. You know he has a flare for dramatics. Now…how are you really?"

She rubs the back of her neck and looks everywhere but at him. "Fine," she answers, not feeling fine, "There's just a lot to do, you know? I have to speak to Taeri's grandparents. I need to pack. I need to study. I have work. This patient couldn't stop yelling at me yesterday because my diagnosis was different from her Google search results. My back hurts a lot. I'm hungry most of the time so I end up eating the most horrendous food combinations. Pizza pockets! I used to find them revolting but the speed at which I inhale them, my god. Breathing's become more difficult so that doesn't help when I'm on rotations. And the baby likes to start kicking the exact moment I decide to sleep.

"But!" Seri gasps for air, slapping her palms together. "I think I'm managing everything very well. I just don't acknowledge my stress or sadness or anger or frustration because it's bad for the baby. But it's all fine. I was careless so I can't really expect anybody else to shoulder my responsibility. It's why I haven't told my parents yet. Or Taeoh. God, you should see the way Taeoh works. He—" Her voice cracks and she turns away, pressing a hand to the base of her neck. "I don't…" It hurts to speak. "I don't know if I want to tell him."

Gently, her uncle prods, "Don't you think he deserves to know?"

Seri ducks her head, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her from crying. "It's not that easy," she breathes. Because it really isn't.

He gives her space to relax and direct the talk in whichever way she wants it to go. When she shrugs and goes 'That's it', he pulls a stern face. "And why did you hide it from me the whole time?" He chides her, wagging his finger at her, "Juggling work and a preschooler and running a house all by yourself when you're pregnant—are you stupid?"

"I didn't want to bother you." Her uncle gapes at her like he can't believe how utterly stupid she is. "I mean it!" She exclaims, "You're still working at the school. I can't bother you with my problems when you're so busy dealing with teenage boys!"

Shaking his head, he begins to rummage through the fridge. "I bought abalone from the market this morning," he announces, "I'll make porridge. I might have some seaweed too. You know what? I'll cook everything I have and I'll come to the city with you two to drop off the food. That'll teach you to never show this foolishness to me again."

•✧•

When she drops Taeri off at her grandparents' a few days later, the old couple glowers at her bump under the loose bohemian tunics she's taken to wearing. Seri frowns at their judgemental looks but is not surprised that their opinion of her goes from bad to worse. They don't allow her inside their cushy villa, holding whatever discussion she has in mind in their front yard.

"I'd like to take Taeri with me to live in Dublin for about a year," Seri says.

The old man raises his voice while the woman straight up refuses. It's not unexpected that they think she has some sly plan up her sleeve. "I don't," Seri explains, "As you can see, there's a slight change of plans in terms of my career. If you could just hear me out, I'd be very grateful."

Eventually, after much harrumph-harrumph and 'you need to mind yourself while raising a child', Taeri's grandfather contacts the custodian to draw up a contract. A year and a half of allowing Taeri to live beyond the country's borders after which Hanseung Chemicals would take legal action against Seri.

A little excessive but she agrees to it. It's much better than facing the threat of having Taeri being taken from her anyway.

•✧•

While Seri's colleagues do go out of their way to lighten her workload, she still insists on doing rotations, takes on pro bono cases, and is usually the first to request assisting surgeries. The newer interns look at her with awe, pursuing her whenever they hit an obstacle because she's the only one who gives them her time, listens carefully, and exercises patience to teach them. That, and because she's earned herself a legendary status by being the first resident in the hospital's history to perform a tough operation without an attending present. And get out of trouble practically scotch-free.

She applies for a two-month leave, clubbing the 27 days approved leave with maternity leave. She has an additional month offered to her by the host hospital to settle into the new city that she aims to use for postpartum recovery.

Watching the plan fall together gives Seri immense satisfaction. She'd never admit out loud in all seriousness that she's proud of herself for managing everything without breaking apart.

The smugness, however, is not enough for her to (slightly) stress over the strange behaviour Doctor Park has started to display. It's very unusual that someone as senior as Doctor Park falls asleep with her eyes open in the ED. She's suddenly grown agitated, snapping at anyone who dares to disagree with her decisions and jumping in terror each time her phone buzzes. Seri gets an unnaturally vicious 'Mind your fucking business' when she worriedly suggests that Doctor Park get her coughs and sniffles checked out.

"Leave her be," Zara advises during lunch, "She's a grown woman working in a field where she knows we don't have time for her erratic tantrums."

Seri munches a leaf from her salad, frowning deeply, "She's my mentor and my senior but…I still see her as a friend. I'm concerned."

"I understand," she replies thoughtfully, "But you can only offer your help and not force it down on her when she's pushing everyone away."

On the day of her routine checkup, Seri brings Taeri along. The girl sits up straight, paying rapt attention to the doctor when he tells her that her sibling can very well respond to her voice. Through movement or heartbeat, he says and Taeri immediately sprawls over Seri's stomach, introducing herself softly before pressing her ear to listen.

"I think my stethoscope will help with that, darling," Seri laughs, secretly feeling overwhelmed with affection she can't recognize.

Taeri fixates on the monitor during the ultrasound, jumping up and down when she sees the shape of the baby's hand. "It's waving!" She exclaims, "Look, mom, the baby's waving at us!" Taeri waves back enthusiastically, laughing and chortling in a way that even the nurse can't help but smile at.

"When can we start looking up names?" She asks, the ultrasound print in one hand, as they leave the OBGYN wing. "Dad says I shouldn't leave things till the last minute. What if we end up naming the baby something so terrible that it ends up hating us?"

"It's not going to be terrible," Seri reassures her, "But I need to consult someone before we start making a list—hold that thought. I need to pee real quick."

Taeri groans, watching her mom hobble into the nearest restroom, "Your bladder's worse than mine was when I was five!"

•✧•

Seri spares Taeoh little thought in the next couple of weeks. She ignores his calls and hides in her room whenever he comes over. It's very easy to avoid Inha too as he's busy with truckloads of work. He does, however, make it a point to call her every other day.

The weather grows colder and the "baby bonding sessions" that Taeri insists they have in her bedroom grow more intense. Instead of reading her books out loud like she used to, she uses Seri's stethoscope to hear the baby's heartbeat while she holds fully-fledged conversations.

"It must be really cramped inside," Taeri whispers against Seri's rounded stomach. "It's okay. You'll be out soon and you'll have a whole room to yourself like I do."

"Amen," Seri grumbles half-asleep. Quite frequently, she finds herself reduced to tears of frustration because on top of swollen feet and back ache and the inability to sleep in any way other than sitting up, she's begun to have nosebleeds that are, according to the textbooks and her OB, quite normal. Seri readjusts the pillow behind her and leans her back against the bed's headboard. "Can't wait for my organs to go back to their designated places."

Taeri doesn't listen to her. She's too intently focused on mimicking the baby's heartbeat. "Sorry if you're not getting nice food either," she glances up at Seri and continues, "I keep telling her to lay off the garlic crisps and the pizza pockets."

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm eating for two."

"You're a doctor," Taeri crosses her arms over her chest, the stethoscope hanging around her neck, "You know you should eat healthier stuffs."

Seri flicks her forehead, "I do eat healthy. Auntie Zar makes sure of that. But if I don't have my share of greasy food once in a while then I might go insane. You don't want to live with a mad woman now, do you?"

She squints at her dubiously before leaning back over her rounded belly. "She's already crazy," she says conspiringly, "Mammy laughed during a horror movie and cried while buying you clothes."

"That's because!" Seri's voice quakes and her heart begins to pang, "Because you used to be that size and you were so tiny and adorable, and you grew up so fast—"

Taeri sighs, "See what I mean?"

•✧•

From what Seri can recall, Taeoh's mother is still at the same temple she had been transferred to a year ago.

The week before her leave is officially set to begin, Seri wakes a reluctant Taeri to take the next bus to the temple. They sleep through most of the journey, the warm breeze from the windows lulling them into a comfortable slumber, and end up missing much of the green and gold of the countryside rushing by outside.

It's quite a trek from the bus stop to the temple, a minute into which Seri regrets not driving down. The fragrant air makes her nose twitch and her back hurts from the weight. Being nervous doesn't help her condition either. All Seri can fantasize about, as each step sends jolts of stabbing pain up her spine, is sitting in a hot bath, having her shoulders and feet massaged.

They find Taeoh's mother hanging laundry outside the monk's quarters. Her grey robes billow gently in the breeze, and a look of pleasant surprise lights up her face as she spots Seri. "Doctor Kim! Taeri!" She abandons a white bedsheet and hurries over to them, "How lovely to see you—oh!"

Seo Jisook clasps both hands over her heart when she sees the bump under Seri's sweater and coat.

"I'll answer everything in a minute." Seri holds up a finger and huffs, red-faced, with one arm supporting her back. "But, please. Where's the nearest bathroom?"

Fifteen minutes later, the women are settled on a bench under a tree while Taeri crouches by a flower patch. "I'm sorry," Seri bows her head apologetically, "for coming over unannounced like this, ma'am. Taeoh and I didn't talk for about a year after the last time."

"Nonsense," Jisook rubs her arm comfortingly, "Do you really think I'd say no to visitors? Especially when you bring Taeri and the little one with you?"

She musters a smile but knows it's obvious that she's nervous. Averting her gaze, Seri pulls her coat tighter around herself. "I, uh…" she fidgets, "I haven't told Taeoh. That I'm coming here. Or about the…um…" Her ears burn from the embarrassment. Seri's used to Catholic nuns but Buddhist monks make her feel guilty of all the wrong things she's definitely done.

Seo Jisook, however, calmly takes Seri's hand in her rough ones. "My son and I haven't lived under the same roof in years," she says, "but I know the kind of a man he grew up to be. If you're afraid that he'll turn you away, Doctor Kim, then your fears are unfounded. Taeoh will own his responsibility. He'd want to be a part of this. He will take care of you."

"That's not why I've kept this from him," Seri quickly says. "I'm…I'm just…" She swallows dryly, "His dreams and goals—his priorities are different from mine. I can sacrifice bits of my work life for my children. Taeoh can't. No matter how much he might feel he should. Because he's given up so much to get to where he is now. To protect you. I don't want to add to his…" Seri searches for the right word. "Turmoil."

"He'll find out," she adds, "Taeoh. If not about him being the father then about the baby because he's quite committed to Taeri. It's funny how tangled our lives are now when we wanted nothing to do with each other."

Seri shifts to face Taeoh's mother. "I want to apologise again for springing this on you but I wanted to ask just in case," she says but doesn't get any further because Seo Jisook's eyes are already shining with tears.

"For so long, I believed that my bad choices deprived the both of us of any semblance of a family we deserved that this…disguise turned into penance." Taeoh's mother smiles and Seri sees so much of the beauty Taeoh's inherited that it makes her insides turn. "Doctor Kim, I'd be honoured if you would allow me in your children's lives."

She can't help but look towards Taeri as the seven-year-old observes a ladybug climbing up her sleeve. Even her? Seri wants to ask. Seo Jisook smiles and waves Taeri over, wrapping her arms around the little girl as an answer.

"Well," Seri feels oddly relaxed, "grandparents are important—at least mine played a big role in my life." She reaches into her pocket and fishes out the ultrasound print, holding it out for Taeoh's mom. "So I wouldn't have it any other way."

The monkess laughs delightfully at the print. Taeri points specifically at the raised hand and spirals into stories of all the times the baby's reacted to her voice and how she spends every evening reading to it without fail.

"I have one more question," Seri suddenly interrupts, hand on Seo Jisook's arm, "How do you spell your name in Hanja?"

•✧•

On the first day of Seri's applied leave, she sits Taeri down and does her hair. "I know you're tired from all the trips we're making," she croons softly, "but there's one last place I need to take you. I've never taken you there before."

"Anywhere if it means I get to skip school," Taeri laughs into her palms.

Seri bites her tongue and taps her shoulder, making her turn to face her. "Yeah, but it's somewhere your grandparents didn't let me take you to. We'll only go if you want to, okay? If it upsets you then you have the right to say no."

Taeri stills. She takes Seri's hands and swings them lightly. After a stretch of silence, she asks, "Are you taking me to see my real parents?"

"We don't have to go if you don't want to," Seri repeats.

After much deliberation, Taeri nods so nervously that Seri's tempted to change her plans and drop the idea altogether. But they do end up going. They drive to the farthest chapel and walk around its garden quietly, making their way to the graveyard. For all the tantrums Daeyang's parents threw, they still picked a beautiful spot to lay their son and his wife to rest.

They come to a halt in front of two gravestones made from black marble. The names and dates are etched in faded gold. Seri's heart leaps to her throat when she reads Yeun Suah's date of death. I'm five years older than you were when you died, she thinks. When Seri was twenty-one and raising Taeri, she'd felt like a kid being responsible for another kid's well-being. She was so lost and confused and terrified. How had Suah decided that she was ready when Seri still feels lost and confused and terrified?

In the seven years since Suah's passing, Seri has only visited her grave a handful of times. She always finds excuses – work, school, Taeri. Anything to avoid confronting the pain. Every visit feels like reopening an old wound, her heart shattering each time she reads the years carved into the stone.

Celebrating life feels easier than mourning death. And so, Seri prefers to focus on Taeri's birthday rather than Suah's deathday. She pours all her love and energy into making as many days special for Taeri as a way to do right by Suah. It's her way of coping, of finding any form of peace in the grief that's never going to go away.

Taeri is such a wonderful person so maybe I can give myself a pat on the back, right, unnie?

She clutches Taeri's hand tighter. "You want to try talking to them?" She suggests with a tilt of her head.

"You think they'll hear me?" Taeri asks, reading the inscriptions over and over again.

"Sure. Maybe they're around to watch over you. Making sure that I don't force you to eat too much broccoli or make you study all the time."

She takes uncertain steps and crouches over the graves. "Umm…My name's Han Taeri," she introduces herself before shaking her head. "That's a silly thing to say. You already know who I am. Me and mom are going to her home for some time. I hope you don't feel lonely when we're not here. I'm going to have a brother or a sister too. It's exciting. And um…I really like the name you gave me but I also picked an English name so that school is easy over there."

Seri frowns, having heard this for the first time. "What?"

"Yeah!" Taeri wobbles while standing back up and closes her fists around the fabric of Seri's skirt. "Teresa is close to Taeri. I thought of going with Terry but that makes me sound like one of those sheepdogs. Uncle Liam came up with it!"

"Teresa makes you sound like a nurse."

She glances at Suah's headstone with a fake huff. "See who you left me with?" She raises her arms in a casual shrug, "The broccoli thing is fine but it's the dry jokes. She just never runs out of them."

A hiccup leaves Seri's mouth. Before long, she has her palm clamped over her mouth to muffle her sobs. Taeri pats her back soothingly. "But I think you made the right choice," she coos, "Even though you're not here, I'm very loved. So, it's okay if you don't want to stick around and watch over me. I'll be okay. I have mom."

•✧•

Ahn Jaejun comes around sometime after midnight, bearing the documents Seri had asked him for weeks ago. "Han Taeri's passport was stuck in processing on her grandfather's request," he says, sitting across from her in the living room. "Just as you had expected. Madam Sol spoke to her people at the Ministry about it."

"Ah," Seri nods, feeling a rush of gratitude, "Thank you. I'm sorry to have bothered—"

"Doctor Kim, we've talked about this already." Jaejun's voice is always uninflected. His tone is rarely expressive and he talks like he's speaking facts. "This is not some great feat that we've achieved. All Madam Sol needed to do was pick up her phone. What we need to focus on is Hanseung Chemical's secret project under their factory."

Something burns in Seri's chest and she's quite sure it's not acid reflux. "Literally or figuratively?" She asks, cautious.

He carefully glances down at the way she's clasped her hands over her stomach and begins to put his coat on. "I don't think it is the right time for me to tell you," he says, rising to his feet, "I can predict the amount of stress it would cause you and this is neither the time nor are you in the right condition to be anxiously overworking yourself. Believe me when I say that it is of no immediate concern."

"But—!" Seri follows him to the front door. He turns, reaches inside his coat, and pulls out his business card. It is a glossy white and has Seoul National University printed in bold English letters. Seri accepts it with both hands and frowns when she reads it. "Doctor Anton Faust?" She says aloud, "Faculty of Philosophy?"

"My numbers and email address, in case I'm unreachable on the one you have," he informs her with a bow of his head.

"Faust, really?"

"It is unlikely that we'll have time to meet again before you leave."

Seri waves the business card for emphasis. "Is the irony on purpose? Or is this like a fake business card that you pass around?"

Jaejun heaves a sigh, showing a modicum of exasperation. "Faust is my stepmother's last name. I was born and raised in Germany."

"So you're actually a professor in SNU?"

"I have a lot of hobbies, Doctor Kim." He steps out into the cold and turns up his collar. "Safe travels. I'll be in touch."

•✧•

The cab cancels at the last minute. The taxi services are all booked. Her friends are all busy or unavailable. It's too late in the night to bother the neighbours.

While Seri stands on the porch, fighting tears of frustration because her feet hurt and her stomach can't stop cramping, Taeri sits on one of the two suitcases by the front gate. "Can't we call dad?" She asks, holding her goldfish plushie in her lap.

"No, we absolutely cannot call dad. He's in another country, remember?" Seri replies, scrolling through her phone. Would Doctor Park answer the phone this late at night?

Taeri sighs, "He'll be mad if you keep this a secret, you know?"

"Oh, boo-hoo, child. I can't give a fuck about him being mad at me. I'm more worried about getting us to the airport."

"I don't like that the baby's making you meaner," she frowns.

Seri lowers her phone, hand supporting her lower back. "It's not the baby directly," she explains, trying hard to be patient, "I'm in a lot of pain and I want to cry all the time."

"That's me during maths class," Taeri mutters, making her laugh.

When no other solution comes to light, Seri stares at her phone screen for a minute too long and calls Inha. He picks up after several rings. "Do you know," he groans sleepily, sounding like a child, "what time it is?"

"I need you to drive me to the airport," Seri says plainly.

Ten minutes later, Inha drives into the street and parks in front of the gates. Taeri jumps off the suitcase, goldfish plushie under her arm, and waves at him. "What, did the taxi driver cancel last minute?" Inha asks, getting out of the car. He ruffles Taeri's hair before walking up the driveway, "This is why you should've said yes when I…"

He trails off when he sees Seri standing under the porchlight. Frozen still, he's caught mid-breath, gaze oscillating between her face and her very prominent bump. Conscious, Seri fixes her coat, pulling it tighter around herself.

"Hi," Inha says in a daze.

Seri smiles guiltily, "Hi."

He glances back at Taeri. "Something's different about your mom, munchkin," he lightheartedly comments and pretends to think.

Very seriously, she answers, "It's the pizza pockets."

"I knew it." He snaps his fingers.

Inha loads the suitcases in the boot of the car, shooing away Seri when she tries to help him. He ushers her into the back seat and insists that Taeri sit up front with him. "Why don't you move your seat up so that your mom has space for her legs?" He tells her. They giggle over adjusting the passenger seat before Inha helps Seri in.

Before they drive away, Taeri takes a moment to wave their house goodbye. "Do you think dad will be sad when he comes back from Hong Kong and finds us gone?" She sighs melancholically, unable to get it off her mind.

"Dad?" Inha swerves his head and exclaims.

"She means Taeoh," Seri exclaims quietly, reclining into the seat, "They decided that she's going to call him dad and he's okay with it."

His knuckles around the steering wheel flex and she knows he's not happy about it. "I didn't know that." He sounds far too casual.

Seri mimics his tone. "Yeah, well, I didn't want to bring it up. Can you imagine how weird the conversation would've been?"

Unlike Taeri, who stares longingly at every road and every store they pass by, Seri can't smother her excitement. A whole year, she thinks, in her own country, with her own people. She'll get to be within touching distance of her mom. Her dad will cook her dinner on the weekends. She'll get to see Moira and Robin and her school friends and—

"So," Inha draws her out of her daydreams and meets her eyes through the rearview mirror, "who's the..." He trails off and looks back at the road.

The response is short and to the point. "That's my prerogative."

"Oof, 'prerogative'." Inha gasps in mock-awe and glances at Taeri, "You know, munchkin, when your mom first moved here, she couldn't manage a sentence without turning to English. Now look at all the big words she's using."

He doesn't ask any more questions after that. Taeri turns her attention back to the skyline, pouting because she has to leave without meeting Taeoh. Seri explains gently that he couldn't skip his work trip to Hong Kong and she crosses her arms, grumbling about how he's always busy these days. When they arrive at the airport, Inha tells Seri to stay sitting until he gets all the luggage out. She rolls her eyes at him.

"I'm not an invalid, you know," she chides but she appreciates him looking out for her all the same because her body is in too much pain.

He waits until they've checked in and sees them off before security. Taeri leaps into his arms as always and Inha spins her, commenting how she's going to be taller the next time he sees her.

When he stands before Seri to bid her goodbye, all Inha can muster is her name. "Seri," he begins only to trail off. His eyes glisten and he laughs, hiding his face under the pretence of scratching his nose.

Seri tilts her head playfully and teases, "Are those tears in your eyes, Kang Inha."

He shrugs, a soft smile playing on his lips. "I don't know. I haven't ever felt this way before. Maybe it's happiness. Should I... congratulate you? Are you happy about it too?"

Seri's hand instinctively moves to her stomach, caressing the curve of her belly. She finds herself nodding happily. "I wasn't at first," she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I guess we bonded over time."

Inha steps closer and she's already stepping into his embrace before he has a chance to raise his arms. They hold onto each other for a second too long and part reluctantly. "Congratulations," Inha says sincerely. He bends down slightly, the wistfulness replaced by a teasing grin. "Hey, you better enjoy your peace while it lasts," he whispers to the baby. "Your mom's the right amount of trouble."

Before she can help it, Seri hears herself asking, "Will you visit?"

His eyebrows rise in surprise. Taeri hops excitedly, nodding, saying that she's asked her dad to visit too so maybe they can plan a vacation together and come see her. The corner of Inha's mouth stretches into a thin line and Seri immediately wonders if she's said something wrong.

"Of course," Inha shrugs, "if you want me to."

•✧•

"What do you mean your flight's in twenty minutes!?" Taeoh snaps into the phone, "You can't just drop a text—Seri, you said you're leaving in two days!"

She glances at Taeri who's busy swinging her feet and watching the planes land in the distance from the window while they wait by their gate. "Something came up," Seri responds weakly.

"No, you lied to me." She can hear the air stewardess speaking in the background on his end. "What gate are you at? Maybe I can—"

"Let it be, Taeoh. You won't make it in time."

"I don't understand why you're doing this, Seri." Just from his voice, she can picture the slight tilt in his posture, the clenched fist on the armrest, and the tension in his jaw. "You think I haven't noticed but I did. I know you haven't answered any of my calls for weeks on purpose. You'd stay locked up in your room or pretend to be in the shower when I'd come by to drop Taeri off. Did you really think I didn't know you were home when I rang the doorbell last weekend and waited? I…"

She can picture the agitation on his brow. "I don't know if I said or did something wrong," his voice is quieter, "I don't know what it is, Seri, but you need to talk to me about it. We've—we've always talked about things. If I did something wrong," Taeoh repeats, almost pleading now, "then tell me so that I stop doing it."

Seri freezes when the fear begins to creep back up her lungs and spreads across her chest. This time, there is guilt and self-loathing mixed with it. Taeoh is a good man but that doesn't negate the fact that she's terrified. So, she holds her phone firmly and simply says, "Maybe I just don't want to see you."

The silence feels like a punishment. Against her volition, she sees the soft corners of his mouth turn downwards. He could be pressing his knuckles over it. Eyes staring vacantly at the seat in front of him. She doesn't want to, but Seri knows Taeoh too well for her own good.

"I see," is all he says.

"Do you want to talk to Taeri?" She asks but something catches in her throat.

Taeoh responds with a short, "No. Later."

Seri covers her eyes with her palms when he hangs up. The gnawing in her bones worsens. Noticing that the phonecall ended without it being handed to her, Taeri leans over and presses her cheek to Seri's arm. "What's wrong?" She asks curiously, "Did you two have a fight?"

The boarding announcement is heard overhead. Seri rubs her daughter's back, trying to comfort herself more than anyone. "I did a very bad thing," she mumbles, "because I'm very afraid."

•✧•

Contrary to what she had expected, it's Seri's mom who bursts into tears the moment she and Taeri walk out of the airport gates.

"I think you've let yourself go like I did, my darling," Louisa Keating sniffles, taking Seri's face in her hands and pressing a sound kiss to her forehead and cheek. The smell of her floral perfume, the one's she's been using for years now, makes Seri forget every single one of her worries.

Taeri, who has her arms around her Uncle Liam, shakes her head disapprovingly, "I keep telling everyone. It's all the pizza pockets she stole from my share."

They laugh, though Kim Myeongseok who has dyed his greying hair pitch black refuses to say a word, afraid he might cry too. He holds Seri's hand in a firm grip, purses his lips, and nods vigorously.

"Just to point out," Liam carries Taeri as they head to the parking, "I kept telling you folks she's hidin' something."

"Yeah," Taeri giggles, "A whole human being. It was a very big secret."

Seri wipes her mom's tears while still clinging to her dad's hand. "Okay, first of all," she begins, "It is a boy and his name is Jihoon. Can we please sit down somewhere? My feet are killing me."

•✧•

Taeoh can't track down the hacker any more than he makes headway with establishing a paper company in Hong Kong. It's a slow process, Taeoh reminds himself. He'll get there. Rome wasn't built in a day.

And now with Taeri gone, he hurls himself into work. In a matter of a few days, he's moved up the department and is handed more responsibility than any average person can handle. As much as he secretly hates it, sucking up is a big contributor to climbing up the corporate ladder. Taeoh takes on mundane tasks that he knows will have a large effect when it comes to the bigger picture. He manages lower-level negotiations successfully, connivingly plots the seating arrangement for a fundraiser that is highly beneficial for Kangoh, and volunteers to help organise the much-awaited annual medical conference organised by the conglomerate's hospital network.

They use one of the hotel rooms on Floor 47 to plan the conference. At the meeting table, Taeoh spots Yebin and Woosung's files on the list of invitees. The admin staff from Kangoh Hospital sets Yebin's name aside, rejecting her as she's still a resident while Woosung's already a board-certified doctor in Pediatrics. They target all reputable hospitals, picking out exemplary residents, attendings, Chairs, and professors.

The conference is a ruse, after all. It's to gather all potential benefactors for profit in the long term. Afterall, healthcare is and will always remain the most profitable business there is.

Inevitably, as Taeoh had expected, Seri's name comes up.

"Doctor....Keating," the Medical Director picks up Seri's file and reads, "Kim Seri. Foreign national. Third year, General Surgery...performed emergency sternotomy during her Second Year?" He sounds utterly baffled and looks up at the admin for answers.

"Doctor Im Pilsung's protege. SMC was too crowded for the patients to be triaged and they were understaffed. Doctor Kim's operation was a success and, with all factors in consideration, was spared from licence revocation though there was no attending present in the OR. Her numbers are astounding and she may very well be one of the best surgeons the hospitals ever produced."

The Medical Director hums in thought before deciding, "Add her to the list."

Despite the hurt and anger Seri has caused him, Taeoh can't help the streak of pride that crosses his chest.

It's the Liaison Officer for SMC who looks between the Director and the admin before speaking up, "I'm afraid that's not possible. Doctor Kim is a part of an international research program. She's flying out soon."

Taeoh refrains from revealing that she's already left.

The Director orders for an email to be sent, requesting flexibility from SMC, and they move on. After adding Zara, three surgeons with political connections, one psychiatrist hailing from a chaebol family, and several new doctors with family as Board Members at Kangoh, the Liaison Officer announces that he's received a response from SMC.

"She, uh…" he clears his throat awkwardly and straightens his frameless glasses, "Unfortunately, she is unavailable as she's on maternity leave."

Taeoh stills. His pen slides out of his grip and rolls over a cardiothoracic surgeon's documents.

The Director's brow twitches in disbelief, "What? How old is she?"

"Um, twenty-six, sir. SMC said that since she's due in—let's see—two months, she's on leave and plans to take an academic break where she focuses on research—"

He shoves her file towards the reject pile with obvious disdain. "If she wanted to take it easy then she should've chosen a career that fit her. Maternity leave," he repeats the word as if it disgusts him, "The SMC should save themselves the effort and make her someone's secretary."

The group quickly forgets about Kim Seri but Taeoh's limbs have begun turning into blocks of ice. It all makes sense. The sickness, the dizziness, the excuses, the hiding—Taeri had told him her mom had a secret she wasn't allowed to tell. He barely manages to make it out of the meeting without turning into a puddle of sweat.

While driving home, he calls Inha and asks him if everything's okay with Seri.

"What do you mean?" Inha's sleepy voice barely reaches Taeoh's ears.

"Just…I couldn't see Taeri. So it made me wonder if she's avoiding me."

"Isn't she always trying to avoid you?"

Taeoh grips the steering wheel tightly, annoyed by the lackadaisical response. "This feels different. We used to run into each other often but I haven't seen her in months."

There's a brief pause which he assumes is Inha thinking if he's noticed anything. Then, quite casually, he says, "Nope. I don't know anything. Maybe it's just work."

When Taeoh presses the button to his apartment floor in the elevator, he notices his hands shaking. He doesn't get it. Why wouldn't Seri tell him? He meant it when he said that they talked out all the problems they had with each other. Seri tolerated him but she'd rarely, if not never, lied to him.

He discards his jacket and paces up and down his apartment, panicking because what if it's not a lie and it is his? Taeoh doesn't keep track of all the times he's slept with Seri but it's happened enough for him to stop counting. When was the last time? Five months ago? Six?

And if Seri had been dating someone, he would've heard about it from Taeri.

He doesn't call her because he's sure she won't pick up. Inha doesn't have any answers and Zara, despite her casualness with Taeoh, is loyal to Seri. So Taeoh calls the only person he has leverage over.

"Hey, man," Woosung yawns widely into the phone, "Caught me right after my shift. What's up? You've never called me before."

Taeoh takes a deep breath, pulls himself together, and threatens, "You better answer all my questions or so help me god, I'll make your life in Kangoh a living hell."

•✧•

Chapter Text

Seri watches her mother hum while she works on her laptop. In a minute, she's dusting the photo frames on the shelves; she's showing Taeri the little trophies Seri and her brother won growing up; she's putting the kettle on to make tea; she texts Seri's father, reminding him to pay his bills. The rays of sunset fall through the kitchen window, and Seri sees her mother in a new light. It's far different from how she saw her at ten and fifteen and eighteen.

Did she ever want to run away from their home, across the heath and beyond the mountains? How many times was she forced to swallow her frustration and loneliness and bend her spine to carry her family? Did she think it would make her a bad person or a bad mother if she ever said aloud that her life would've been much better without her family in it? Like Seri does these days?

A twinge in her stomach brings Seri back home.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" Her mother sits down beside her. She hands her a mug of tea and pulls her computer into her lap again.

Seri loses her trail of thought, staring at the steam curling over the mug. "I used to try not to get angry over your divorce," she recalls softly. "I'd try to understand why it didn't work out."

"Did you, now?" Her mother types a quick response to a message. She speaks with a Dublin accent now. It feels wrong.

"Because on the outside, it looked like you and Dad were just fine. You loved each other so much, so I could never understand why you wanted to leave and move away." She thinks of Taeoh, her job, and how she loves Taeri and Jihoon more than anything in this world. "But you're right. Sometimes, it's not enough."

Her mom looks up again, deep in thought. She closes her laptop and smiles wistfully. "I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. That it's normal to be anxious at this stage of your pregnancy. But," she reaches to brush Seri's hair back, "suffering is a constant in a woman's life, my love. We can never catch a break." With a grunt, Louisa shifts Seri's feet into her lap. "All I can do for you at the moment is massage your feet."

"Just not the ankles, yeah?" She'd forgotten how it feels to be loved like this. Seri is home. She is protected. There are people she trusts to catch her if she falls. Here, she can shirk off her responsibility for a while without the world coming crashing down.

"I'm sorry that I barged in like this," she murmurs, the massage nearly moving her to tears.

Louisa laughs. Softly, she says, "Wherever I go will be your home, and you don't apologise for coming back to it." Seri's mouth curves, impressed by such a heavy dialogue. Her mom shrugs proudly. "It's what your gran used to say to me when she was alive."

•✧•

Seri tries to familiarise herself with the new hospital over the week. It's a little weird to hear people call her 'Doctor Keating', but it doesn't make her feel uncomfortable. The doctors, professors, and supervisors she'll be working with are all warm and friendly. Within a week and a half, she knows the hospital and its staff like the back of her hand.

Nathan Flemming—who insists that she call him Nate—is the attending in-charge who shows her around. His credentials are impressive and Seri is secretly jealous of his status as a double-boarded surgeon. "As a Trauma Surgeon, I'm hovering around the ED most of the time," he says, flashing a doctor passing them by a blinding white smile, "But with the ongoing research, I've taken something of a sabbatical. Doesn't mean you won't find me in my office. I still have my patients."

He's too much to handle, Seri thinks but she also understands the confidence in him. Doctor Flemming is good at what he does—he's one of the best in the country. So maybe she can look past his jelled brown hair and blue eyes and not write him off as pretentious or annoying just because he's English.

"I understand you don't start until after your delivery," he continues. "If you'd like, we can assign you an OB to save you from searching or waiting for an appointment."

"Thank you for offering," Seri smiles, but all she can think of is sitting down on the very comfortable-looking sofa at the end of the hallway, "But I'll be leaving for my hometown in a day or two. I plan on staying there with my parents."

He frowns, understandably confused, "Oh. I'm sorry. I assumed you were from…"

"Really?" She teases, "Even from my accent?"

His eyes threaten to pop out. "No! I—I just—Well, your papers said—Oh, gosh, Keating. I should've known from the last name—But there was also the Kim and…" Flemming trips over words, losing control of his calm composure. He turns pink, explaining that he wasn't trying to make biased guesses and that he's usually more sensible and sensitive while speaking.

Seri snickers. "Settle down, Nate," she reassures him, "I'm supposed to be the scatterbrain here. You think you're the first, but you're not. I've heard worse. Now, you were going to help me with the licence paperwork?"

•✧•

"Hey, you know the rules about phone time," Seri reaches past the passenger seat's headrest and taps Taeri on the head.

Taeri hugs her phone to her chest, shrinking into the seat. "No peeping!" She reminds her.

"Who are you talking to?" Seri asks, sinking into the cushions her brother set up in the back seat.

With a heavy pause, she hears, "Dad."

"What?" Seri's mom and brother both turn their heads, the latter immediately returning his attention to the road. "When did that happen?" He asks.

"She calls him dad," Seri tells them like it's the most uninteresting thing there is, "For the sake of ease, I s'pose."

Taeri frowns and twists to look at her. "It's because he does dad stuffs," she corrects.

"Stuff," all three adults automatically go.

"It's nice," she tells Liam, who nods seriously because he takes everything she says seriously, "Dad comes to all my school meetings. He was at my dance recital. Sometimes, if I'm smart about it, I get him to do my homework."

"Sounds like what your mammy would do," Louisa recalls fondly, "Your grandad would be sweatin' over the maths, and she'd be off at Moira's gaff watching Gargoyles."

Taeri tilts her head, "What's that?"

"This really cool show about crime-fighting gargoyles," Seri chuckles at the memory, "I'll show you when we reach home."

"Cool," she repeats, a little dry and unenthusiastic, but Seri chalks it off as impatience over the next two hours on the road. "I can't wait to go home."

•✧•

"Ach, I really am glad for the cardigan, Ma," Seri groans, hobbling out of the car and onto the gravel driveway, "My shoulders would've frozen in these stupid...dungaree..."

Out by the red front door, Han Taeoh is standing impassively with his arms crossed over his chest. His slant eyes are unimpressed, and his mouth is set in a thin line. In the white-paned window behind him, Seri's dad peeps sneakily before drawing the curtains.

"Appa!" Taeri gushes, stumbling out of the passenger seat. She notices Seri's thunderstruck expression and clears her throat, pretending to be surprised. "I mean, waah. What a surprise!"

"Oh, you little gremlin—" Seri hisses, snatching at the lapels of her coat and pulling them around her, "You knew."

While Liam throws a casual look and begins to unload the luggage, Seri's mom touches her arm and giggles low. "I knew he was good-lookin'," she says as the women watch Taeri throw herself at Taeoh, "But the pictures don't do justice."

"That's just about the only best thing about him," Seri lies, shoving her hands in her coat pockets. Unlike what she had feared, it didn't feel like she was marching to her death when she walked up the driveway to Taeoh.

Introductions between him and Seri's mom and brother are short. They smile and shake hands, and Taeoh tries not to show his surprise when Louisa switches to (mildly accented) Korean for his ease. "I had to impress the in-laws," she winks before gesturing for Taeri to take her hand. Taeri pointedly avoids looking up at Seri as they shuffle past through the door. Seri faintly hears her traitorous dad's cheery tone.

Liam politely declines Taeoh's offer to help him with the bags. Instead, he says, "Da nailed down a bench in the backyard if you plan on having a long chat."

"Snakes," Seri mumbles under her breath, watching her family lock her out with Taeoh, "The whole lot of them."

"Come on," Taeoh instructs, already walking away.

•✧•

They don't exactly have fencing in their backyard. Seri's dad started growing hedges around the space as a way to pass the time. Just as Liam had said, there's a dark wooden bench facing the mountains in the distance. They can see Moira's house around the bend from here. It's cold, and the evening breeze picks up. Seri reaches over to zip up Taeoh's jacket.

He places a hand over hers. "Are you okay?" He asks, slow and careful, as if he's not sure whether it's the right question to ask.

The moment he speaks, there's a twinge in her stomach. Taeoh pales and panics when Seri jolts in pain. "What is it?" He rushes, hands hovering over hers, "Are you okay? Do we need to call someone?"

"Relax," Seri scowls. "My god. He moves every time he hears your voice."

Taeoh effectively malfunctions at this. It's like the blood in his veins has evaporated because it is suddenly very, very quiet. Seri's wary eyes roam all over him. She can see the gears in his head turning, trying to predict what she might say. Taeoh writes and writes—how their conversation is going to unfold and how he will respond to her demands, ultimately convincing her that he wants to stay. However, instead of scowling and swearing, Seri gestures for his hand.

"You can feel you if like," she sits up straight. Then, in English, she sighs, "Maybe that'll make him calm the fuck down."

The word 'him' makes Taeoh wans even more.

"Go on," she urges him with a lightheartedness that shows no indication that she's bothered by him being theirs. "Or…" Seri drags the syllables, tilting her head to frown at him. "Don't. You look like you're about to hurl. I don't blame you, really."

Taeoh thrusts his hand in hers before she has the chance to take it back. A brief surprise passes over her, and she laughs inaudibly. She takes his hand, pressing it to her stomach. There's little pressure. He's free to pull away if he wishes, if he changes his mind.

For a moment, nothing happens.

"Say hi," Seri orders him.

Taeoh blinks and obeys. "Hi," he says in English.

The tremor under his palm scares the wits out of him. He doesn't show it, of course. But Seri knows. Seri always knows. Taeoh doesn't want her to say it. He doesn't want to hear her say, 'You can still leave'. But she tries to anyway.

"You can—"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks.

It's one of those rare disagreements between them that occurs without either of them raising their voices or cursing the other out.

Seri brushes her hair back, tucking it in the collar of her coat. "You have enough on your plate to begin with," she mutters.

"What, and you don't?" He counters. "You're the doctor with back-to-back shifts and a seven-year-old to raise. And in this condition, no less." Seri laughs openly at his efforts to chide her this time. He retracts his hand. "I mean it. You should've told me."

The humour slowly vanishes from her eyes, but the smile stays. "I don't know," she answers reluctantly. "I guess I didn't know how to." Taeoh doesn't believe her one bit. It shows on his face because Seri deflates immediately. But Seri genuinely doesn't know how to put it in words at the moment. It is difficult to decide. 'Mom brain', her OB had told her. She fucking hates it that she's become so…inept.

"You have enough to do already," Seri repeats. "Inha and Hyewon are practically riding on your coattails. You work overtime every day so much that you don't even sleep."

"That's not—"

She shushes him quite aggressively. "Don't interrupt me, or I'll lose my train of thought! Look. We both had plans that obviously didn't work out as we wanted. You've already altered your corporate schemes because of Taeri. I just wanted to save you the effort."

"Seri." The way he says her name makes her feel embarrassed. Like he cannot believe how utterly stupid she is. Warmth creeps up her neck and cheeks as he massages his temple. "You 'save me the effort' by helping Taeri with her maths homework, not by hiding…this!"

"Hey!" She exclaims, offended. "This is named Jihoon. You can't refer to him as a thing."

Taeoh looks like he's stopped breathing. It's cute, the panic on his face.

Seri suppresses a tremble when the wind picks up. She offhandedly wonders whether Taeoh's fingers and toes are freezing or whether this is one of the side effects of her condition. God, why did they even think to sit outside? She peers over her shoulder and spots movement behind the white curtains of their kitchen. Ah, because of her nosy family, that's why.

"He shares the same hanja as your mother, by the way," Seri tells Taeoh. "I asked."

He sucks in a deep, deep breath, like he's holding himself back. He presses his hand to his mouth. His jaw is clenched, the muscles in his neck tight, and Seri can almost feel the frustration radiating off him in waves. His gaze runs everywhere but on her—the grass beneath their feet, the woods in the distance, the dark green roof of Moira's house, her stomach.

Then, almost like a gasp, he slowly asks, "You told my mother?"

"Yes."

His jaw twitches again, and Seri readies herself for whatever harsh argument he's about to throw at her. That's okay. She's itching for a fight, too. It'd be nice to let off some steam in the form of cuss words. But Taeoh never argues. He nearly does but changes his mind at the last moment.

"Okay," he says, resigned. "If you thought that was the best choice to make, then I'm alright with it. But you really need to stop visiting my mother without letting me know—"

"What are you playing at?" Seri cuts him off suspiciously.

Taeoh blinks, "What do you mean?"

She points her finger at his face. "This," she says. "You never agree with me."

"Rarely," he corrects. "I didn't agree with you now either. But, I'm sure you thought about it thoroughly and made the choice that is best for us and Taeri."

Seri baulks. "What is wrong with you?" She exclaims, "Stop acting out of character!"

Taeoh looks almost nervous while he tries not to fight her over it. This is turning out to be quite an experience. Seri's never seen him make these expressions. She would've loved to take pictures and mock him over it had she not been freezing her tits off. "I'm not," Taeoh insists. "I just don't want to put you through unnecessary duress."

"Duress," Seri repeats in quiet surprise. "Who told you anyway? Was it Taeri?" She knows there is no way Inha would've squealed. He would've roamed around with the smugness that he knew something Taeoh didn't. "It can't be. We made a deal that I don't talk about the secret you two are keeping, and she doesn't tell you about ours."

It takes Seri a moment (besides reading the look of utter disbelief on Taeoh) to hear herself. Was she really expecting a seven-year-old to keep a ginormous secret?

Taeoh tries to control his expressions, and she understands just how baffling her words were for someone like him to struggle to pull a vacant face. "It wasn't her," Taeoh tells Seri. "Kangoh is organising a conference for doctors, and your name came up. When the director contacted your hospital, they said you were on maternity leave."

She curses under her breath, tapping her fist against her palm. "I always overlook something," she grumbles. "Christ, I can't believe I'm missing that conference. Did you guys invite Dr Kim Sangjin? He better not be there when I'm not. He's famous for minimally invasive heart surgeries, you know? I'd kill to be in his good books."

Then, she remembers and turns to him. "But what's this big secret you and Taeri are keeping from me? You better not be signing adoption forms of any kind, or I'm going to be furious."

Seri is taken aback when he quickly averts her eyes, flustered. He clasps his hands together between his knees and breathes in and out of his mouth. She arches a brow and asks dangerously, "I was joking about the papers, but I don't like the face you're making."

"It's not adoption." Taeoh runs a hand over his face before admitting in a mumble, "I have a photograph of you."

There's a beat of silence. Then, Seri screws up her face in absolute disbelief, "What?"

It's definitely not the cold wind that makes his face go pink. "I might've…borrowed a photo of you that Taeri saw a few years ago, and I made her promise not to tell you."

"And when did you 'borrow' this photo?" The corner of her mouth quirks up in an amused smile. He hates it. He hates the cockiness waiting to burst.

Taeoh scratches his nose, masking his mouth. "Maybe around New Year's Eve."

Seri's eyebrows go up and up and up. That was a long time ago. She has a vague idea which collection he might've swiped the photo from but can't place the exact one. Before she knows it, a snort escapes her. She slaps her palm over her mouth to muffle her laugh. "Did you jerk off to—"

"No," he cuts her off, turning a shade darker.

"Alright." She continues to chortle behind her palm. "I believe you."

Taeoh scowls at her, insisting, "I didn't."

"Sure."

"You're impossible." He shakes his head in resignation and stands to leave.

Seri's hand darts out to catch his before he can take another step. He's surprisingly warm to the touch. "I was afraid of you." She blurts, staring at his wrist nervously. All signs of teasing have left her face. "That's why I couldn't tell you."

It's his turn to laugh. "What?"

He helps her up with both hands when she wobbles to her feet. She still holds onto him as she bites the inside of her cheek. "I know it sounds weird," she tries to explain, unable to meet his eyes. "I was never scared of you before. But now, after all this—after Taeri, I have never been more scared of a person before."

His eyebrows cinch together.

Seri swallows her shame and continues, "Taeoh, this is a big deal, okay? I…don't doubt you or your character. I never have. But I don't think I could've handled the rejection from you had I told you. Raising a kid is too much responsibility. It takes time and effort. Things that you know you can't spare. You can't agree to be present in their lives and then not be there when you're needed."

Taeoh's thumb grazes the back of her knuckles, and Seri wants to crumble into him. Her smile is tight against the regret that overwhelms her. He could've loved her had she made the right choices. He would've loved her.

"I respect your ambition," Seri says. "You know I do. But the magnitude of it is terrifying, Taeoh, and you can't keep living on the chessboard while having…this."

"I'll be fine," he answers with the quiet, steadfast confidence that makes her hate him and adore him.

She lets go of his hand. "I know you will be. But I wasn't talking about the two of us. And it's not just them. It's scary for me, but I've done it before. It should be downright terrifying for you to be here. It's the rest of your life."

Taeoh watches Seri carefully, his gaze flickering over her face as the breeze brushes stray strands of her hair across her cheeks. His hand hovers for a moment, indecision in the furrow of his brows, before he reaches out to tuck the strands behind her ear before touching her cheek. His fingers are still warm, slightly calloused, and Seri flinches—not because she dislikes it, but because it’s unexpected.

"It's not going to be easy," Taeoh says. "And we're going to be pulled in a thousand different directions. I'm not going to make any promises I can't keep. But, Seri, you'll lose your mind if you do this by yourself again." He lets go of her, taking a step back, and she finds herself missing his touch. "Thank you for trying to give me a way out. I want to stay."

"Are you sure?" She tries to play it off, but there's a discomfort in her chest. It's not a big deal. Heartburn is a side effect of her condition. It's definitely heartburn. "You'll be seeing more of me then."

He shrugs, "I've never really minded it."

"Liar."

They laugh, and the discomfort in Seri's chest turns into an ache. It's like someone else has taken over her body, directing her into Taeoh's arms. She burrows herself in the crook of his neck, breathing in his all-too-familiar cologne. He returns the embrace easily, cradling the back of her neck like she's delicate. For a moment, Seri thinks she has a part from home with her. She brushes off the thought as quickly as it has invaded her mind.

"Okay," she pats his back and suppresses the lurch in her ribcage all the way down. "Let's go back. I'm going to start crying if I don't lie down."

•✧•

Seri's family is as welcoming as Taeoh had imagined. Her father is overjoyed to see him, of course, though he does seem a little put out when they tell him that no, they're not getting married and, no, they're not dating either.

Her mother, Louisa, is everything her daughter isn’t—soft, jolly, with a curvy frame wrapped in a knitted cardigan and a floral skirt that falls just below her knees. Her short blonde hair, cut into a pixie style, frames her face in a way that only amplifies her natural warmth. Louisa’s blue eyes twinkle with the kind of mischief that makes Taeoh feel immediately at ease. He can see why Seri's parents had married each other.

When they walk in, Liam is already hunched over his laptop at the dining table. "Good talk?" he asks, glancing at them through his reading glasses. His Korean's a little choppy to the ears, but Taeoh can't detect an accent. Liam has inherited his mother's eyes, which go pretty well with his Asian features and light brown hair. Unlike Seri, he keeps to himself and is more quiet than Taeoh. Later, he'll find that Liam is just as talkative as the rest of the family once they move past acquaintances.

"I'm in one piece," Taeoh sighs, pulling out a chair for Seri.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She scowls, heaving into the seat. He drags a footstool for her instead of responding.

Liam sniffles and narrows his eyes at his screen. He looks exhausted. "If it makes you feel any better," he pushes another chair towards Taeoh, who declines, "she didn't tell us either."

Within minutes, Taeoh was labeled a part of the Kim-Keating family. He asks Liam about his PhD program, exchanges gossip from Maju with Myeongseok, and talks stocks with Louisa. Seri rolls her eyes harder at him, telling him off for trying to win her family over. The 'I didn't even do anything' nearly slips out of Taeoh's mouth, but he reminds himself that he shouldn't be arguing with her when she's in such a state. He gives her an awkward, obedient nod and settles on their disbelievingly comfortable sofa in the living room.

Seri wrinkles her nose at him, thoroughly disliking how agreeable he's suddenly become.

In a short time, Taeoh grows quite fond of the house. It's cramped but cosy and roomy. The layout is slightly chaotic, as though each room had been added over time without much thought to structure, giving it a charmingly disorganised feel. There's a staircase in the hallway after the foyer. To the left, the kitchen and dining area spill together with its old wooden cabinets and tiled countertops. A large, worn sofa is tucked on the other end of the room, in front of the old television box. Behind the kitchen is a small scullery that nobody except Seri's father is allowed to enter. On the right of the hall, a modest living room stretches with mismatched furniture, thick curtains, and a hearth. Behind it is what Taeoh guesses is one of the bigger bedrooms.

Despite how warm the house is, it smells like cold stone and grass. But maybe that's just him.

Upstairs, there are three bedrooms—one master and two small. Taeoh is ushered into what he immediately knows to be Seri's old room. It's Taeri who explains the multitude of posters on the wall ("That's Westlife, The Cranberries, Boyzone, and that's Sinéad O'Connor—mom doesn't listen to her much. It was a present."), lays out Seri's old Polly Pocket set, and points at something she calls the 'Sylvian Family' set, saying that she's going to inherit it when she grows up. She tugs Taeoh to the window on the side of the room. From here, they can see the backyard bench and the neighbours' houses. Taeri gestures at the plumbing on the walls outside.

"Mom used to climb down using the pipes to sneak out to parties," Taeri says, elbows resting on the windowsill. "Uncle Liam told me. He was in the room next door, but he never tattled."

Seri shares the master bedroom on the other side of the hallway with her mother upon the older woman's insistence. It takes little convincing from Seri's father's end for Louisa to take time off from work and stay here. Taeoh stares at the parents for too long, watching them joke around with each other and reminiscing while doing the dishes.

"Yeah," Seri dubiously sniffs a piece of potato bread before nibbling it. "I have to remind myself that they're divorced too."

After a lunch that Taeoh doesn't particularly enjoy but is too polite to show, Myeongseok gingerly suggests that Seri take up pre-natal classes.

She narrows her eyes at him, lying on a pile of cushions on the sofa. Taeoh had discovered rather quickly that the living room was the least used space in the house. "Why would I do that?" Seri scoffs. "I'm a doctor. Anything they know, I know in more detail."

If he squints, Taeoh can see sweat run down the side of Myeongseok's face. "Yes, of course. I'm not questioning your knowledge in any way. I only said that so that Taeoh could tag along as well."

"Why?" She says before Taeoh can even start feeling queasy or form an opinion. "He's not staying that long either. How long are you staying?" She directs the question to him.

"I…uh," Taeoh stumbles. "Two weeks."

"How did you manage to get two weeks of time off?"

"It's not time off. I had meetings in London over a deal. I finished work early and pretended I needed more time with the client. It's not like they're going to check my passport or my schedule."

Seri and her dad wear matching looks of surprise. "What if you get into trouble?" Seri sounds genuinely concerned.

"There's no chance." His confidence makes her raise her eyebrows. Taeoh doesn't want to bore her with the details. He'd manipulated the playing field during the medical conference, drawing proposals and influencing his boss, who, in turn, persuaded his boss to go along with Taeoh's plans.

"I've read about it, by the way," he adds. "So I don't think the classes are necessary."

"You've read about it?" Seri's voice drips with disbelief.

Of course, he has. Taeoh read at least two dozen books, cover to cover, about pregnancies in the week before he was meant to travel. He avoided physical copies, not wanting to leave track marks or attract suspicion from Inha or, god forbid, Hyewon. No, he stuck to PDFs and pamphlets he inconspicuously picked up while at a clinic for a routine check-up (Seri had insisted he start keeping a record of his health, now that Kangoh provided him with insurance.) Once he'd return from work, he'd open his laptop or phone and keep scrolling until he'd had his fill of body horror for the evening.

Gingivitis? His eyebrows nearly touched his hairline when he'd read the side effects. Loss of teeth? Loss of limbs? Blindness?

The list didn't end there. Apart from death, the potential risks included osteoporosis, diabetes, hypertension, anaemia, sciatica, sepsis, cancer.

He has considered the possibility of falling at Seri's feet and apologising profusely for not being careful and for putting her through something worse than hell. She has already burst into abrupt tears once when she couldn't bend to pick up her phone.

"You did this to me," she cries, head in her hands. "My back hurts. I'm very forgetful. I need to pee all the time. My organs are being crushed. I haven't slept on my stomach in months. I haven't eaten anything that I actually like because I have the weirdest cravings. I can't even see my toes."

Taeoh is at a loss for words. He knows that if he apologises now, she'll pummel him to the ground. Thankfully, Seri's mom comes to his rescue, whisking her away with words he doesn't understand because of the accent.

"There's not much you can do sometimes," Seri's dad reassures him. "Make yourself useful to her, and don't do anything that'll grate her nerves."

Taeoh can't help but scratch the back of his ear and comment, "Everything I do seems to grate her nerves."

•✧•

Which does ring true in the next few days. Seri is testy when he accompanies her on her evening walk. She frowns for the most part of it, snapping irritably when he tries to talk to her. She refuses to let him carry her jacket when it gets too warm, insisting she’s “not an invalid,” only to grumble about how heavy everything feels. When he offers to slow down, Seri rolls her eyes, claiming he's walking too fast, then too slow, then back to being too fast again. She does relax eventually and shows him around the bay, laughing when he winces at the chilling wind in his ears.

At home, she makes Taeri fetch socks while on a tirade about how cold the house is. Taeoh innocently suggests she might sleep better with an extra pillow for support, only to be met with a murderous look. "What I need is for you to stop breathing so loud," she huffs, fluffing the pillow on her own, as if proving a point.

She's more pleasant when her friends visit—the infamous Moira and Robin—and insists on introducing Taeoh to them. He's awkward, of course. Moira keeps shifting her long, violet-dyed braids from one shoulder to the other and speaks too fast in an accent he's still not accustomed to. Robin's grey-blue eyes are piercing, and Taeoh can't maintain eye contact with her even when she switches to a much-understandable Dublin accent for him.

The women adore Taeri, who doesn't hesitate to climb into Moira's lap and tell them all about her new school. Taeoh slips out of the room with Taeri a while later, telling her that they should let her mom spend time with her friends. He answers emails in the living room while Taeri hangs around Liam.

Taeoh stifles a yawn and hears laughter from the other room. He stills because it's not a sound he's familiar with. He's heard Seri laugh, obviously, but this is different. Not even her friends back home had made her laugh like this. That's not really her home, he remembers suddenly. He listens to her talk eagerly, and everything clicks in his mind. He pictures Seri in a large, empty house—Taeri still so small and needy—balancing motherhood with med school and a residency while being haunted by a dead friend. She had no one to fall back on. No one to support her when things got too hard. No family dinners to unwind at, no childhood friends to come over and take the edge off. Her parents had offered support, of course, but there was only so much they could do at the end of the day. How trapped Seri must’ve felt, Taeoh realises. How isolated.

Suddenly, he understands her resentment towards his city. Seri had been drowning all this while, and Taeoh, who'd lived his life in the water, had no idea. He hadn’t thought about what it was really like for her. Taeoh had been too busy admiring her strength and tenacity. He hadn't stopped to consider the exhaustion behind her snappy remarks or the reason she was always so quick to shut him out.

Maybe this is why she never told him about Jihoon. She didn't want to burden him with yet another responsibility, another tether tying her to a life that was already hard enough. And now, sitting in the living room of her family home, surrounded by the warmth and love she so clearly missed, Taeoh finally understands why she had kept him at arm’s length for so long.

Taeoh leans back against the cushion, vaguely listening to Seri narrate an incident he knows involves him, and fails to picture her sounding this carefree in Seoul.

•✧•

Jetlag doesn't treat Taeoh very well. His body is completely out of sync with his surroundings. He's wide awake at night and exhausted throughout the day. He spends his mid-morning slumped against Seri on the living room sofa, both fast asleep. Seri leans her back against his chest and sprawls across the sofa while Taeoh conks off, sitting upright with his cheek resting on top of her head. He has an arm around her to keep her from tumbling off in her sleep.

When Seri stirs, she elbows him awake. "Don't touch me," she huffs grumpily, shifting away from him. "That's how this happened."

When Taeoh apologises blearily, she misunderstands. She snaps so angrily at him that it jolts him wide awake. Seri accuses him of labelling Jihoon as a mistake. He sighs, further infuriating her, and tries to convince her gently that that's not what he meant. Of course, it escalates, and she finds his words and manner egregious. Nobody's here to save him from Seri's temper—her mother is running errands with Liam, and her dad's taken Taeri out to the playground.

The blaming spirals into Seri bringing up incidents Taeoh either doesn't remember or never thought much of. Finally, after trying his best to calm her down, he snaps when she calls him 'Inha's little boyfriend'.

"Stop trying to pick a fight because you're bored," he raises his voice slightly as they stand on opposite sides of the room, glaring at each other. "You're just waiting for me to speak so that you can twist my words into something it's not."

"You're the one who's been walking on eggshells around me," she retorts.

"Because unlike you, who thrives off of starting fights and frustrating me, I actually find it annoying, Seri. You think I'm waiting for you to throw a fit, but it's the other way around. You're just itching to explode and use me like a punching bag. Do you have any idea how exhausting you are?" He doesn't realise how harsh he sounds until Seri recoils.

Her face tightens but he's already noticed the way her lips quivered. There's a heaviness in his chest that he understands very well. But Seri turns on her heels and flees before Taeoh can say anything.

He follows her without another thought, calling her name all the way to her room. Seri tries to slam the door in his face, but he weasels his way inside. Seri turns away from him, leaning against a shelf, and fiddles with the ends of her cardigan with tense shoulders. Taeoh's mouth with bitter self-loathing.

"Seri, I didn't mean to—"

"Don't do that," she mutters, her voice thick.

Taeoh steps closer, his hands twitching at his sides, unsure of whether to reach for her or keep his distance. There's plenty of regret bubbling in his ribs, but, somehow, he can't breathe over the fact that he hurt Seri.

She swallows painfully and smiles at him. "You're right," she says. "I should be the one to apologise. I'm being awful when all you've done is be nice to me. I just—I want this to be over, but I also don't. And I can't take this...this pain and discomfort anymore."

Taeoh's mouth fills with bitter self-loathing. "I know. I know. I'm sorry. I should've been more patient."

"You're patient enough." Seri leans her palm over a table and exhales like she's in pain. She massages her lower back and laughs humourlessly. "I'm sorry," she apologises with sincerity. "Maybe I'm taking it out on you more than the others because, I don't know, we're always at each other's throats that it's become like a habit."

Taeoh frowns, "You need new habits."

"I'll take that into consideration—" She inhales sharply, hand on her stomach, and hisses, "You cannot keep kicking me while I'm trying to have a conversation. It's not polite." There's nothing harsh in her voice.

He's torn between laughing and insisting that she lay down. Seri hobbles toward the bed, one hand clutching her stomach and the other gripping the back of a chair for support. Her breath is laboured, and there's another sharp intake of air that makes him step forward instinctively. He wants to help her, but she waves him off, settling down heavily on the mattress.

There's a clash of fear and fondness inside him. He hadn't planned for any of this, hadn't expected to care this much for a woman he had spent years bickering with. The weight of responsibility presses down on him, making his chest tight. He hadn’t given much thought to having a family, apart from when Hyewon had asked him about it. Taeoh just never had the luxury to sit down and picture his life after. All this while, he'd only thought of the chair on top of Kangoh's tower.

“I never wanted kids,” Seri says quietly, pulling him out of his thoughts. Her voice is low and hesitant, as if she’s confessing something she’s been hiding for years. Taeoh flinches but doesn’t respond. He sits by her, facing the window. Seri's fingers tremble as she pulls the cardigan around herself. “I love Taeri and Jihoon more than my life. You know that, right?” She looks up at him with a fragile smile, and his heart skips a beat.

He nods, but she continues before he can say anything. “Growing up, I never saw myself as a mother. I never had big dreams. Never even wanted to be a doctor. I just wanted to stay here, in this house, maybe get a job at my high school.” There’s a wistful note in her voice, and her eyes wander around the room, taking in the familiar walls of her childhood home. “If I’d ever thought about having kids, it was going to be after I married that guy from my chemistry class.” She chuckles weakly, but it’s devoid of humour. “But things just refuse to happen the way I want.”

"There's not a shred of maternal instinct in me. It wasn't there when I held Taeri, and it's not there now, even when I feel Jihoon move." She chokes back a sob. "I had to read about all this. I needed to practise feeling a certain way because I just…I just kept thinking about myself."

Out of all the rare times Taeoh's heart has shattered, most of them had been because of Seri. This time is no different. Unlike all the times before, however, he doesn't hesitate to slip his fingers into hers. "It doesn't make you a bad person," he tells her.

Seri stiffens, like she's holding her breath, but Taeoh somehow knows this is exactly what she wants to hear.

"What you feel and what you've done so far are two different things. Neither have hurt Taeri. And I expect that'll carry over to Jihoon as well." Through the window, they saw Myeongseok and Taeri returning. "As much as you do piss me off, Seri, you're the farthest thing from a bad person."

They hear the front door creek open and Myeongseok instructing Taeri to take her muddy shoes off.

"I'm sorry for the past few months," Seri softly says. "And for what I said at the airport." She hangs her head, averts her eyes, and Taeoh thinks the light is playing tricks on him because Seri's face is flushed. "I did want to see you." She sounds so mortified and confused that her voice drops down to a whisper. "I wanted to see you all the time."

A knock on the door interrupts Taeoh from tipping towards her. Seri straightens up as well, her expression guarded.

"It's open," she calls out, her voice carrying a touch of exasperation. The door creaks open to reveal her father standing in the hallway, holding a small brown paper bag.

"I brought the supplements you ordered," Myeongseok says, cheery but oblivious. He holds up the bag with a proud grin, clearly pleased with himself for running the errand.

Seri's mouth twitches into a faint smile, though Taeoh catches the hint of reluctance as she gently lets go of his hand. "Thanks, dad." She rises slowly from the bed, clicking her tongue at Taeoh when he tries to help her. "I should get started on lunch before Jihoon decides to kick my ribs out." Her attempt at humour is weak, but it’s an attempt nonetheless, a way to ease the awkwardness that still lingers between them.

Taeoh frowns, immediately following her out of the room. "That's not funny," he mutters under his breath, his voice low with concern. "There’s an actual possibility that could happen, you know."

•✧•

At night, Taeri peeks into his room—technically, Seri's—while he's examining the photoframes on the bookshelves.

"Mom looks like a troublemaker, doesn't she?" She stands on her tiptoes beside him, trying to get a better view.

Taeoh blinks, snapping out of his thoughts, and glances down at her. "Yeah," he mutters, his lips twitching into a smile. "She definitely had that look about her."

Taeri continues studying the pictures for a moment, her face scrunched in thought, before she speaks again, this time with a forced nonchalance that doesn’t quite suit an eight-year-old. "So…" She rubs the tip of her shoe against the floor. "What's going on between you and mom?"

He feels his knee give out under him while he fumbles with words. "What—what do you mean?" He asks and realises how suspicious he sounds. He can be the most stoic man on this planet and still manages to falter in front of Taeri. "Nothing. There's nothing going on."

She shoots him a sideways glance, as if she knows better. "But you're friends, right?"

"Yeah. I guess we are." The room feels too small. This isn't something he wants to talk about with a kid. Unfortunately, he never gets the chance to steer the conversation away because Taeri presses on.

"But you're not boyfriend-girlfriend."

"No." He shakes his head and narrows his eyes. "Where is all this coming from?"

"Ugh." Taeri rolls her eyes dramatically, as if he’s the one being ridiculous. She moves to Seri's old Sylvian Family set, picking up the small, rat-like dolls and making them walk across the table. "You might be old and smart, but I know stuffs too." Quite casually, and directly, she tells him, "I saw you kiss mom once. I'm not stupid, y'know? Yang Iseul makes her dolls kiss and says that they're an item."

"I, uh…" The heat rising up his face is agonising. Taeoh has been in a lot of awkward situations but he's never felt this embarrassed or humiliatingly shy before. He scratches his nose and insists, "There's nothing going on."

"What?" Taeri exclaims, brows knit in shock and mouth turned downwards, like she's been delivered the worst news of her life. "Why not?"

Taeoh opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out at first. He rubs the back of his neck again, feeling crushed under the weight of her innocent but piercing questions. "She doesn't like me like that," he manages to say, ignoring the sand scraping against his tongue.

"How do you know?" she demands, abandoning the doll set.

There's no way out of this. He knew parenthood wasn't a breeze but he didn't imagine how many discomfiting conversations it entailed. What could possibly be the most simplest, vaguest way to answer such a stubborn question? He doesn't want to say something that might accidentally scar her for life. Taeoh wishes Seri was here to take over. "Okay. How about this?" He sighs, swallowing the shame. "I liked her a long time ago, but it didn't work out the way I thought it would."

It does little to help. Taeri grows more baffled and says, "But you're the baby's dad!"

That's another punch to the gut he did not expect. Had she always been this straightforward, and Taeoh had never noticed, or was this a new development? "How do you know that?" he asks, unable to imagine what goes on in a gradeschooler's brain.

"It's so obvious," she says. "Mom used to curse you all the time when she thought I wasn't around." Taeoh has no time to go red in the face because the very next moment, Taeri slouches her shoulders, and a look of pure sadness covers her face. "This sucks!" Her voice breaks. "I thought we could be a real family."

It's an evening of firsts because this is the first time Taeoh has felt this lost. "It is real," he tries to say, but like everything he's said so far, this also sounds weak to his ears.

"No, it's not," she says adamantly. "You don't even live with us. I only get to see you when you're not working. I've read about these stuffs. You can live with us even if you're not married to mom."

Taeoh seats himself on the edge of the bed, and she perches herself on his knee, sulking. He rubs her back and sighs, "Taeri, you're too young for this talk. I'm not sure you'll understand."

"I understand a lot," she insists, tiny palms on either side of his face. "I just want you to be here all the time."

Before he can say, there's a sharp knock on the door before Seri steps in. "It's past bedtime, love," she calls and stops short when she sees the two of them on the verge of having a meltdown. "What's wrong?" she asks, worried.

"It’s nothing," he says quickly, offering Seri a reassuring smile. "We were just... talking."

Either Taeri doesn't want to bring it up either or she's the smartest kid Taeoh's ever met for catching on that he'd probably bury himself in the backyard before admitting what they were talking about. "Yeah, it's nothing," she grumbles with a forced casualness.

Seri doesn't believe them, obviously, but she's too tired to insist.

Instead, Taeri abruptly changes the topic. "Oh! We haven’t shown dad the baby’s photos yet!" She looks up at Seri with excitement. All traces of disappointment have been wiped from her face.

"Photos?" Taeoh echoes.

Seri sighs, rubbing the back of her neck. "She means the ultrasound scans," she explains, sounding tired. "I must’ve forgotten to show you... mom brain." She mumbles the last part under her breath, more to herself than to anyone else.

Out of habit, Taeoh feels a quip rise up his throat that he suppresses. Taeri darts out of the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway. Seri watches her go, then slowly lowers herself onto the bed beside Taeoh. He can't help but graze the back of her hand with his fingers. She shoots him a quizzical look, but to his relief, her mouth curves into a small smile.

Taeri returns at the speed of light, shoving the prints into Taeoh's hands, and bounces on her toes in excitement. He feels Seri's nervous eyes on him, anticipating his reaction.

"Look!" Taeri exclaims, pointing at the scan giddily. "That's his little hand. He waves at us all the time!"

His stomach does a flip when he peers down at the grainy black-and-white image. Seri explains several things using medical terms, but he can hardly hear her. There, in that fuzzy little scan, is his son. Jihoon. The name suddenly feels so real, so tangible, and it hits him harder than he expects. A fresh wave of overwhelming affection swells in his chest, along with a surge of terror. It’s terrifying to feel this much for someone he’s never even met, someone who will soon depend on him for everything. But at the same time, the love Taeoh feels—already growing, already strong—nearly knocks the breath out of him.

He leans his cheek against Taeri's temple as she laughs. "Do you think he'll be anything like you?" She asks, curious but hopeful.

"I hope the hell not," Seri cuts in, mouth pressing into a thin line. "I can hardly stand him. I'd rather not have his mini-version strutting about, nagging me."

"I don't nag you," Taeoh counters, eyebrows creasing together.

She wrinkles her nose and does what they're all supposed to assume is his impression. "'You should think before you speak. You never let anyone else talk. You shouldn't smoke so much'—"

"As a doctor," Taeri says with a shake of her head, "you really shouldn't smoke so much."

"Thank you for being so cheeky. You've now moved up your bedtime by a whole hour."

"Hey!"

Seri ushers her out, ignoring her vehement protests. Puffing up her cheeks, Taeri races downstairs, already complaining to Myeongseok.

Before leaving, Seri stretches out her hand to Taeoh. He thinks she wants him to hold it. She doesn't but he wishes she did. She nods at the scans, asking him to return them so that she can put them away.

"I'll hold onto them a while longer," he hears himself say. "Didn't get to look at them properly."

Seri quirks up a brow. "Right," she says. "You knock yourself out, mate."

After he's had his fill of looking at it and he's sure that he can't spot anything new, Taeoh slips it against Seri's photo hidden in his tape recorder, and turns the table lamp off.

•✧•

Liam kneels to help Seri with her shoes by the time Taeoh stumbles downstairs to the kitchen, sleepy-eyed and tousled hair. Seri mumbles a quick thanks to her brother before she glances up at Taeoh.

"Didn't get much sleep?"

"Jetlag," he answers, voice heavy. She wants to smack herself for thinking him attractive when he's half-asleep. "Where are you going?"

She slips on a thick waterproof coat over her woollen dress and shoves her hands in her pockets to keep it wrapped around her stomach. "Hospital," she says and watches the sleep disappear from his face, replaced by panic. "It's just a routine appointment," she reassures him. "Ultrasound and blood tests. Go back to bed. I think Taeri and my parents are still asleep."

"No." He's already halfway up the stairs again. "I'm coming with you."

Seri is saved from being driven around by Taeoh just because he doesn't have a licence here. She whistles while she drives and narrates disconnected incidents as they pass by streets she used to frequent as a child. She can tell Taeoh's trying hard not to judge her when she ends a story about her and her high school friends doing shrooms in the woods with an 'as you do'.

"We didn't do it that often," she defends herself. "I won a trophy at the Twisted Trivia competition. We were celebrating."

"Twisted Trivia?" He repeats, amused by it. "That's not something you get a trophy for."

She gasps, affronted, "I got one. It's on the mantle at my mom's flat." With a roll of her eyes, she adds, "We can't all have mathlete awards to brag about, okay?"

There's a stretch of silence in place of what Seri had expected to be casual bragging and boasting. Quietly, Taeoh says, "I don't have any."

A snort escapes her. "Yeah, right. As if I'd believe that."

She glances at him from the corner of her eye. His elbow rests on the window and he's looking straight ahead, knuckles scratching against his chin. "We pawned them off," Taeoh finally says. Seri thinks she's heard him wrong. "My father sold some of them for gambling money. And I had to sell the rest while moving to pay for rent and other things. One of my trophies had a bit of gold in it, so it fetched a nice price."

Seri goes quiet at Taeoh’s admission. She glances over at him but doesn't know what to say. There’s no sarcastic retort, no playful jab left in her. His half-shrug feels so casual, as though this part of his past is just another forgotten chapter. She feels…terrible.

The rest of the drive is silent. Seri can't stop thinking about what Taeoh said, and he's submerged in his phone. The corners of his mouth twitch downwards as he rapidly types a long message.

When there doesn't seem to be an end to his typing, Seri finally asks, "Are you still working?"

"Partly. I'm working on a personal project." He pauses mid-text. He hesitates for a second, clearly reluctant to share more, before eventually sighing, "There's this…hacker. Part of a European group that's behind cyber attacks on Kangoh Securities. I've been trying to follow his trail, but I think he knows I'm looking for him."

Seri sits up straighter, her interest piqued. "Do you want him arrested or dead or…" she asks, her tone lightly teasing, though there’s an undercurrent of seriousness in her question.

Taeoh sends her a strange look, almost a mix of disbelief and amusement. “None of that,” he replies, shaking his head. "He'll be a valuable asset if he's on my team."

She hums thoughtfully, as if filing the information away for later. "Okay. I'll ask around," she says it so easily that one would've thought they were looking for directions to a bakery.

Taeoh raises a brow and lets out a small laugh, "Who will you ask? I doubt surgeons dabble with cyber terrorists."

Without missing a beat, Seri responds, "Don't worry about it." Her tone clearly distresses him, but the conversation ends there.

She gives Taeoh clear instructions at the hospital as he tries to follow her brisk and determined strides up the entrance ramp. "When we go in, Han Taeoh," she starts firmly when he holds the door open for her, "you will look only at the ultrasound screen. Not at me. Not at my stomach. The screen. If I catch you sneaking a glance anywhere else, I swear I’ll poke your eyes out." He has no choice but to obey. "You can't freak out and ask your million questions if you don't understand anything. I'm the doctor here."

"You're a resident who's not even board-certified."

She whirls around and glares at him, hands on her hips. There's light humour in his voice. Seri forgives him far too quickly.

Once they're called into the doctor's room, Seri relaxes slightly. They are greeted by a middle-aged woman with greying hair and a warm smile, who also happens to be a distant friend of her mother’s. While chatting with Seri, the doctor directs them to the exam area and gestures for Taeoh to sit while Seri lays down. Seri gives him one last warning look as she settles on the table and rolls her eyes when he obediently turns his attention to the screen. “This’ll be quick,” the doctor assures her, adjusting the equipment.

She resists the urge to say 'I know'.

Taeoh is drowning in an awe-filled silence when they leave, still reeling from hearing Jihoon's heartbeat for the first time. He hadn't reacted much except for when Seri had asked a series of questions, using words like haemorrhages and preeclampsia, making him break into cold sweat.

"Didn't you say you read up about it?" Seri teases, stepping out of the elevator.

"I read about what happens before and during," he says. "I've yet to get to the after part."

As they head toward the hospital lobby, Taeoh still in awe of what he witnessed, a voice calls out from the reception desk. "Nade! Oi, Sinéad!"

Seri freezes, muttering a furtive curse under her breath. She turns with a fake smile plastered on her face. The man who approaches them is their age, with light brown hair and an easy grin. Seri probably imagines that Taeoh's inched closer to her. "Eamon!" she exclaims with false surprise. "Fancy see you here."

"Aye, I've been here a few years,” Eamon says, his sleep-deprived eyes scanning her with a flicker of nostalgia. “You look great. I mean—well, you know—” His gaze lingers for a second too long on her stomach before awkwardly meeting her eyes. “We should catch up sometime. It's been ages. I could barely get a hold of you once you left town.” He ignores Taeoh completely.

"Ah, sure, well," Seri shifts uncomfortably. It was tough to break things off with him in school. He'd reached out to her as often as he could, even after she'd left the country. "I wish I could, Eamon. But, himself's leaving in a day or so." She takes Taeoh's hand, patting the back of it for emphasis. "And I'll be going back with my eldest soon, so I'm not sure I'll be able to spare the time."

Eamon’s smile falters, and he finally looks at Taeoh. He nods, receives a polite smile in return, but still persists, "Oh, of course. Maybe another time, then?"

No fucking way. "Yeah. Sure. I'll let you know," she hurriedly says, pulling Taeoh along. She doesn’t look back until they've safely exited the building. Taeoh raises an amused eyebrow. "High school boyfriend who clearly never moved on," she explains with a huff. "Honestly. I thought he'd take the hint when I blocked two of his numbers. Help me into the car, will you? Jesus, it's like the universe decided to hurl all annoying men at me today."

•✧•

Chapter Text

Taeoh finds himself in a dimly lit pub with low ceilings and thick wooden beams, where the air smells like beer and roasted meat. There’s a warm buzz of laughter and conversation throughout the room. At the end of the room is an empty stage with an abandoned mic stand in its centre. The lighting hurts his eyes a little. Taeoh trails after Seri’s dad, who seems to know almost everyone here. Liam had ducked out from coming, claiming he had an early morning train to catch back to Oxford, leaving Taeoh and Myeongseok alone to face the crowd. Taeoh feels conspicuous in the narrow space, unsure if he should be relieved or anxious at the thought of being "taken to the pub to relax."

Someone in the crowd is playing a hearty tune on the violin as they settle at a corner table. A group of men by the bar notices them. One of them, a burly black man with a clean-shaven head and a booming laugh, saunters over to thump Myeongseok on his shoulder. "Who's this then, Flynn?" the man asks, grinning at Taeoh. "Another one of yours?"

"Hah? Oh, aye. Peter, this is—" Myeongseok opens his mouth to explain, but the man, clearly drunk, speaks over him excitedly.

"My Moira told me about 'im." He directs his attention to Taeoh, who sits a little too stiffly in his chair, painfully aware of how awkward he must look. "You're little Sinéad's fella, aren't you?"

Taeoh blinks, trying to decipher the thick accent. "We're just friends," he explains with a nervous smile, offering his hand for a shake. Out of habit, he bows his head. "My name's Taeoh. It's nice to—"

“Friends, eh?” Peter interrupts with a hearty laugh, clapping Taeoh on the back so hard he stumbles. "Friends and you already have two wains between you. Theo, you said?"

"No. It's Tae—" he tries to correct him, but his voice is drowned out as more men gather around their table.

A brown-skinned man with a scar on his chin hovers over Seri's dad, cradling a pint of peer with care, "Alright, Flynnie? That Nade's fella, is it?"

Before Myeongseok can answer, Peter plops down beside Taeoh, grinning ear to ear. "His name's Theo,” he declares as if they've been best friends forever.

"No, it's not actually—"

It takes effort to hide his exasperation when Peter bellows over him. "Next round is on Theo, boys!" A cheer goes up, and Taeoh doesn't dare to think of protesting as the men order their drinks with grins and loud banter.

Myeongseok gives him a sympathetic smile, leaning forward. "Leave him be, Pete. The lad's terrified. He's too young to be a father."

"We weren't," Peter counters with a tilt of his glass in his direction.

"Our times were different," Myeongseok sighs, shaking his head. "Now, give him a wee bit of space. I brought him here for a breather."

He chortles, beer splashing from his glass down to his boots, "You brought him to our pub for a breather?" Myeongseok wrinkles his nose at the mess his friend has made.

Taeoh glances around the table, feeling like the odd man out in this boisterous group. It’s not that he’s shy—socially challenged, sure—but this... this is different. The attention, the warmth, the familiarity, all directed at him, throws him off balance. Despite the initial discomfort, there’s a quiet satisfaction that creeps in. It feels strange but oddly pleasant to be embraced. All because of Seri and her family.

As the night trickles by, Taeoh watches as Myeongseok exchanges banter and jokes with the men around him. There’s something about the ease with which Myeongseok navigates these conversations, the casual backslaps and knowing winks, that strikes Taeoh as so different from the man he knew back in Maju. Here, he isn’t just Seri’s quiet, easy-going father. Here, he's Flynn Keating, a part of this town's fabric, deeply embedded in its rhythm.

The two men slip out of the pub earlier than Myeongseok's used to. Taeoh barely managed to finish the single drink someone had bought him while Seri's dad was four glasses down. They trudge past the rain-soaked streets, away from the clusters of buildings and down the path that cut through the grassy fields. Myeongseok walks with his hands in his pockets, as if these roads are an extension of him. He whistles the same tune Taeoh had heard from Seri in the morning.

When the silence stretches on, Taeoh asks, "Are you all close?" He's quite proficient in English, but he won't deny the relief he feels when he switches to his mother tongue. Speaking a foreign language is hard work and stressful.

Myeongseok glances over at him, "This part of the town, sure. We all grew up together. Our fathers and grandfathers migrated here, and we stuck together because, you know," he gestures at his face, "the melanin and the features. Pete and I, our dads knew each other. Worked the boats together. I've known him my whole life. And our kids are close, too." There’s a wistfulness in his tone as he gazes at the houses scattered in the distance with lights in their windows. Taeoh thinks he can see the chimney of Seri's house. "We grew our roots here."

For the thousandth time, Taeoh realises how Seri must hate to leave home each time she comes back.

"How are you?" Myeongseok's sudden question draws him out of his thoughts.

He straightens his spine, instinctively defaulting to his usual answer. "I'm alright. Work's…work. I had to—"

"Taeoh, you know that's not what I meant."

He falls quiet as the rain turns to mist, clinging to Taeoh’s hair and skin. He shivers, regretting not taking the jacket Seri had practically shoved into his hands earlier. For a second, he considers brushing off the question, pretending he’s fine like he usually does. But if there's anyone who'd understand, who he'd want to be understood by in this regard, it's Seri's dad.

"Terrified. Like you said," Taeoh admits. "This isn't what I had expected to happen."

Myeongseok hums, "You could walk away."

He's quick to answer, "No. I don't want to. I…it's weird between me and Seri. We don't get along, but we still…" Taeoh trails off, realising that talking to Myeongseok about the relationship issues he's having with the man's daughter isn't exactly smart. He heaves a quiet sigh, "I'm sorry. This isn't a conversation you'd want to have with me. It's just the nerves. I tend to—I tend to prepare for things in advance, and this—" Taeoh doesn't want to turn this into a rant. "It caught me unaware. I don't want to make any blunders, but the prospect of me having an influence over a life is terrifying."

"Blunders are inevitable," Myeongseok says after patiently listening. "God knows I made a mistake making Nade leave her home. Parenting isn't a skill you're born with. But knowing who you are, I believe you'll do a fine job. The trick is to like them in a way that you enjoy spending time with them. That way, over time, they'll learn to see you as a human being."

Taeoh has no fucking idea what that means. He understands the words but doesn't get the implications. Maybe he will in the future. Or maybe they're just ramblings of a drunk man. He stifles a sigh, smiles in gratitude for the 'advice', and brushes the rainwater off his neck.

•✧•

"I thought you'd run away," Seri greets him at the door, by the stairs. Lately, she's been wearing a lot of loose, oversized blouses with flared sleeves that billow from the elbow—styles Taeoh’s never seen her wear before. She looks like someone from a poster of a 70s Western film. When Myeongseok closes the front door behind them, she sniffs loudly and scowls. "Were you at the pub?" She accuses her father. "Unbelievable. You told me you were taking him out for a breather."

Myeongseok rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, avoiding her gaze. “It’s a pub, Seri. The air’s fresh enough there,” he mumbles, trying to play it off, but the look on his daughter’s face clearly says she’s not buying it.

"You can't imagine how much I breathed at the pub," Taeoh mutters to her as he slips his coat off and hangs it on the stand.

Seri crosses her arms, her loose sleeves swaying slightly as she narrows her eyes at them both. "Well, while you two were 'breathing' beer fumes, I thought I'd let you know grandad's here for the night." She tosses the words casually. "He’s staying for dinner."

Myeongseok perks up immediately. “Ah, Joe’s back in town?” He rubs his hands together to warm them up. "Haven't seen him in a while."

While he shuffles into the dining area, Taeoh's stomach twists into knots. He's had enough of social introductions for the day. Besides, he hadn’t heard much about Seri’s maternal grandfather—only that he didn’t speak Korean and had a rough, no-nonsense kind of presence. Sensing his panic, Seri gives his shoulder a comforting rub, assuring him that it was going to be okay.

Taeoh would learn later that while this house belonged to Seri's maternal grandfather, he instead lived in Myeongseok's childhood home, which was smaller and closer to the coast. By far, this house-switching was the most bizarre fact about the Kim-Keating family.

Seri's maternal grandfather has to be the whitest man Taeoh has ever seen. He's pale with thinning powder snow hair and blue-green eyes that seem to carve him hollow. He boasts large arms under folded sleeves and a sweater vest. A bronze chain tied from the belt hook of his fishing trousers disappears into his pocket. And, by God, is that man tall.

Taeoh has to exercise complete focus to understand what this man is saying when he speaks. "This that weasel of yours then? Inha, was it?" Joe Keating gruffly says, settling in the only armchair in the dining area. He hardly spares Taeoh a look.

"What? No!" Seri frowns, disappointed. "Grandad, I told you. This is the other one."

The other one. It's not a very inspiring title. She might as well call Taeoh her mistress.

"Aye, the frigid one," he recalls, staring a little too long at Taeoh's hair. He harrumphs disdainfully, and Taeoh worries that his appearance is shabby.

The frigid one. Seri's grandfather knows Inha by name but knows Taeoh by an insulting phrase.

Seri's mom tuts disapprovingly from the kitchen corner. "Don't mind him, love," she pats Taeoh's back as she passes him by. "He's just being careful."

Taeri dashes past him, squealing something in Irish, and throws herself at the old man. He laughs heartily. Taeoh doesn't attempt to decipher what they are talking about. He watches Seri lay on the couch as usual, interjecting in their conversation now and then to correct, what he guesses, to be Taeri's verbs and tenses.

"Ah, for feck’s sake, don’t be loitering about, boy!" Her grandfather barks loudly, startling him. "Ye look like a fella waiting for a bus that’ll never come."

What does that mean, Taeoh blinks in surprise. What is he saying? He hovers uncertainly until Liam leans in with a whisper, "Relax. He’s just telling you to sit down."

"Right. Thanks."

Dinner is a quiet affair at first. Unlike the usual, Seri nudges a bowl of japchae towards Taeoh. The gesture doesn't go unnoticed by everyone at the table, nor does the rescued look on Taeoh's face. Seri leans back and scoffs at him. "I knew you couldn't take it anymore," she chides him in Korean. "But you'd be too polite to actually say it since you feel like a guest here."

"I am a guest," he replies, not missing the way Myeongseok beams triumphantly to himself.

Seri makes a refuting noise from the back of her throat, though Taeoh knows there's a far more inappropriate quip running in her mind. Soon, the sound of plates and forks clinking fills the room. There are no words for what Taeoh's feeling towards Seri but it's grand enough to make him not look at her. She has the uncanny ability to read his thoughts even though it's impossible to.

It isn’t long before Joe’s eyes land squarely on Taeoh. He straightens up in his chair, and Taeoh can already feel the impending questions forming. "So, boy," the old man sets his fork down. "What is it ye do then? Some fancy office job in the big city, I hear."

Before Taeoh can comprehend and answer, Seri forces her way into the conversation. "He works at one of the biggest conglomerates of his country," she says defensively. Then, with a tilt of her head, she asks, "Where is this going, grandad?"

"And yer family? What do they do?" Joe asks, ignoring her.

"Easy there, Joe," Myeongseok murmurs, but it does nothing to deter the old man.

Taeoh hesitates. "My father's not around," he slowly begins, attempting to skirt around the truth. Apart from Seri and her dad, nobody knows that his step-father is in prison for a murder he did not—but definitely has the potential to—commit. It's the last thing Taeoh wants Taeri to know about him.

"Hmm," Joe grunts, unfazed. "And your ma? Does she follow any faith?"

A hand on Taeoh's knee stops him from responding. "Don't start, grandad," Seri says firmly. "Taeoh isn't here to be interrogated."

He raises an eyebrow, unbothered. "Sure, I'm not interrogating the lad. I want to know what he amounts to."

"He is sensible and kind, and he amounts to plenty," she retorts, and a dangerous heat creeps up the back of Taeoh's neck. This is the first time in a decade of knowing each other that Seri has praised him. If only they were a few months in the past and he could tug her into the bedroom after the lights were out. "You leave him be, old man. I'm in no state to be cross, but I will be, and I'll make it the whole bloody town's problem." When her tone begins to climb, Taeoh quickly places a hand over hers, murmuring that it's okay and that he's not offended by the questions.

At the other end of the table, Seri's parents elbow each other like teenagers. "I told you," Myeongseok whispers a little too loudly. Louisa stifles a smile.

Joe's face falls immediately at Seri's threat. It's startling, and a tad bit amusing, to see such a large man crumble so quickly. "There now, love," he hurriedly says, sounding utterly apologetic. "I wasn’t meaning any harm."

Liam and Taeri sigh dramatically in unison, clearly exasperated by everybody. Taeri, who sits closest to Joe, leans toward him and says, "Dad’s really okay, gramps. I like him. He’s my best friend." Her innocent, honest words seem to soften the room, and even Joe's stern expression falters for a moment.

"Is he now?" Joe mutters, looking at Taeoh with a flicker of approval in his eyes.

Taeoh, on the other hand, feels like he's been stabbed all over. In a good way. He grips his cutlery tight, returns Taeri's bright smile, but fails to stomach any more food. It'd be embarrassing if he, an adult man, broke down into tears at the table. Chances are Seri's grandfather would like him even less. But the temptation to sit with his head in his hands is too great.

After dinner, Joe stands and pulls on his coat, preparing to leave. He gives Seri a gruff hug and promises to come around more often. His cutting blue eyes land on Taeoh as he heads for the door. "You be on your best behaviour, lad," he threatens, and Taeoh recalls Seri mentioning her grandfather teaching both siblings how to hunt.

Once Joe is gone, the tension in the house eases. Tired and eager to head to bed, Liam congratulates Taeoh on his way to his room. "You're the first guy granddad's approved of!" He cheers, though his tone is weighed down by exhaustion.

Taeri raises an eyebrow, looking up at Liam with confusion. "Is that what just happened?"

•✧•

Seri goes for a walk in the backyard when she struggles to sleep. The discomfort has become almost excruciating—her back aches, her mind cannot quiet down, and Jihoon refuses to stop kicking. The cold prickle of the early morning breeze is soothing, as is the silence and solitude. The outside is tinted with blue. It's not too dark, but she turns on the backyard lights to be on the safe side.

Seri loses her train of thought as she paces about the hedges. Shortly after, she hears the squeak of the door followed by footsteps. She doesn't need to turn around to know that it's Taeoh. He's wearing one of Liam's green woollen jumpers over his night clothes.

"I knew you'd stay up," Seri grins at him. "Tossing and turning over what Taeri said?"

He matches her pace, walking so close that their shoulders brush. "I don't think I've ever been told anything that made me feel the way I did today," he admits without any hesitation.

“Were you going to cry? God, you cried by yourself, didn’t you?” she teases, her tone light but affectionate.

Taeoh tries to laugh it off, but Seri hears the quiver. He stops abruptly, turns his face, and gulps. She takes his hand and cups his cheek. He's warm against her. "I didn't," he attempts weakly.

"I know," she says gently. "I’ve been there before. The way Taeri loves... It overwhelms me sometimes. It catches me off guard when she says things like that, and suddenly, I feel like I don’t deserve it.” Seri wipes a stray tear from the corner of Taeoh's eye. Then, she glances back at the house, fixating on the window of her room, where Taeri's currently asleep. "I forget that she's Suah-unnie's. I'm usually not aware of it until I see some faint resemblance. I didn't know it could happen, but it did."

"You've had a long week, haven't you?" she adds. "I've had months to come to terms with this. Sort of. But, you've had to—"

Seri’s face suddenly contorts in pain as a sharp. She winces sharply, one hand flying to her stomach as her body tenses. Taeoh panics instantly, rushing to her side, his hands hovering over her like he’s unsure what to do.

"Seri, what is it? Are you okay? Should I call someone?" His voice rises, laced with terror.

Seri waves him off, gritting her teeth as she breathes in and out through her mouth. "Just—give me a second," she wheezes. She twists slightly, stretching and then releasing a slow breath. After a few tense moments, the pain begins to subside, and she lets out a tired sigh. "Braxton Hicks," she mutters, rolling her eyes at her own body. "Plus, Jihoon decided now would be a good time to dance around."

Taeoh's still on the edge, brows knitted together, forming a deep crease on his forehead. He's still holding on to her, afraid that she might fall. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asks with caution.

"Yes, yes," she assures him. "It's practise contractions. They're less intense."

"Less intense?" he echoes in disbelief. "How often is this supposed to happen?"

She manages a small laugh, though it’s weary. "It's fine. Really. I'm timing it. Plus, you saw from the reports that everything's on track." He has. She keeps a meticulous record of everything medical.

Seri exhales soundly from her mouth, and Taeoh's hand slips down into hers. He leads her to the bench and helps her sit. "God, he hates sleeping at night," she grumbles, drumming her fingers on her stomach. "Barely lets me sleep or work or eat or think. I’ve had the strangest cravings, too. Like, wanting to eat coal or lick soap."

"Why would you want to eat coal?" Taeoh makes a face.

"I don't know, I kept looking at the fireplace," she frowns, staring off into the distance. "They smelled really nice…"

It's not until he shifts beside her that she notices that he's still holding her hand close to him. "What's with this?" She shakes their intertwined hands and makes fun of him in true juvenile fashion. "Do you like me again, Han Taeoh?"

Seri expects him to roll his eyes, scowl, say an irritated no, and let go of her. But he falls quiet, rubs the back of his head, and averts his gaze. There are crickets in the background. Seri would've found it comical had the insinuation not left her deathly close to mortification.

Did he think she was projecting? Making fun of him so that she could deflect any signs of her being attracted to him? Seri was the one getting too touchy with him. Was she drooling too obviously while sneaking glances at him? Was it because she spoke for him against her grandfather?

"Ah…" Taeoh finally breathes. "Well…"

"I was joking," Seri defends herself quickly.

"Right."

Their fingers are frozen together. Neither of them tries to—or wants to—pull away. Cursing that she's made it weird between them, Seri tries to lighten the mood. "You're still missing out," she jokes.

"So you keep saying." This time, when Taeoh looks at her, Seri feels feverish. Like her entire face is on fire. She can hardly maintain eye contact with him without feeling like he can read her thoughts. "I think," He smiles, small and secretive, "that you’re not joking as much as you think you are."

Seri's pulse gallops, and she panics. "It's the hormones," she blurts, sliding away and folding her arms over her stomach. "It's like a side-effect during this time, so don't read into it."

Taeoh raises his shoulders, "I'm not reading into anything."

"I’m serious," she says, the words tumbling out in a rush. "This is just—this is nothing. We’ve always been like this. It’s nothing."

"Is it really?"

Seri falters while Taeoh calmly crosses one leg over the other and looks around. What's the point of admitting it to him, she thinks. He'd dismissed Na Hyewon, picking Inha and Kangoh over her. There had been so many instances where Seri'd seen him waver with regret in his eyes. Still, Taeoh had never looked away from his goal.

But, with her, it was different. It showed. With her and Taeri and now Jihoon too. Through sheer perseverance and the never-ending itch to push his buttons, Seri had managed to break his patience and make him deviate from his path. (Slightly). Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing—only time would tell.

With a defeated sigh, Seri leans back against the bench and murmurs to her stomach, "Your dad's really fucking annoying, Jihoon."

"And your mom's an absolute delight to have around," Taeoh retorts.

She wonders if he feels just as giddy as she does for saying something like this. It's like she's wrapped in a blanket of blinding joy. If it weren't so bloody cold, Seri would've sat on the bench next to Taeoh until daybreak. "I need to get some sleep before he wakes up again," she declares, rising to her feet with an 'oof'. "You should go to bed, too."

Taeoh checks his wristwatch. "I can't," he says. "I have work in a bit."

"Well, then, sit inside," she orders. "Or you'll catch a cold—no, there's no need for that. I can walk up the stairs by myself. I'm not an invalid."

She glances over her shoulder to see Taeoh still standing under the backyard lights, hands in his pockets. He stares off into the distance, at the slopes of the mountains, at the neighbouring houses. He looks so out of place to her that she still can't believe he's here, in her home, with her family, surrounded by her life before she met him. She slips indoors before Taeoh has the chance to turn and spot her.

Maybe, in another life, they could've met under normal, usual, boring circumstances, and Seri would've stopped hesitating a long time ago.

•✧•

There's an unmistakable change between them after that night. Seri begins to become aware of the jolts of thrill that pass through her when Taeoh accidentally, or on purpose, touches her. She finds herself hovering around him, finding excuses to be near him.

It's humiliating, she thinks, and one-sided until Taeoh begins to accompany her everywhere outside the house without prompting. When she goes for a walk, he tags along under the impression of sightseeing, clasping her hand in his. This is the farthest he's been away from his country, after all. When Seri leaves to spend time with her friends, Taeoh is 'just around the bend', watching over Taeri while she attempts to make friends at the playground.

Seri thinks she's reading too much into Taeoh's actions—whether it's him slipping socks on her feet, wrapping a shawl around her, or indulging her in her midnight cravings by driving her to the store.

"Can you drive any slower," she scowls sarcastically.

"Give me a break," Taeoh says, fixating on the road with too much caution. "I've never driven on this side of the road. I don't have a licence. And this town is full of drunkards."

She clicks her tongue, "You could've let me drive."

"You fell asleep in the middle of dinner," he replies. "I don't want to risk it."

"I could've woken dad up."

"I was already awake."

Taeoh's been forced to work odd hours now. There's only so much he can do away from the ugly tower. Besides, his two-week work trip is about to end soon, though Seri tries not to dwell on it too much.

She rolls the window down and sighs, "Waah, the ground smells nice." She can't believe what she's saying.

"Huh." He taps his fingers against the steering wheel. "Britney Spears craved soil when she was pregnant."

"I don't want to—how do you know that?" Seri exclaims, baffled.

Taeoh shrugs, "I read up about it after you said you wanted to eat coal."

It's on their way back from the chip store that she casually says, "You're being so nice to me, Han Taeoh. I might end up keeping you."

"I don't want to miss out, is all."

It's difficult not to react outwardly to his words. So, when Taeoh opens the door and helps her out of the car, Seri's fingers graze his jaw, and she stretches to kiss him. He stills for the briefest moment, making her think that she's made a mistake. But when she tries to pull away, Taeoh steps even closer. He places a hand on the hood, cornering her against the car, and leans in.

Something clicks in her brain when he meets her mouth with his. Fireworks explode in her chest. The pressure of his palm against the small of her back makes her knees wobble. They've done this hundreds of times before, yet, there's urgency in the way he kisses her, cradling her face with his burning hands, like she'll slip out of his grasp any moment now. Taeoh's more out of breath than her when he breaks away to gauge her reaction.

Despite the rush and the chaos in her mind, all Seri can hear is, 'I love you. I love you. I—oh my god, shut the fuck up—' The admission hangs in the air, but her pride clings tightly to her throat, preventing her from voicing what seems to grow clearer with each heartbeat. She feels too much all at once—his warmth, the way his hand rests against her back, the force in her chest. Her mind spirals with the mortifying thought: I'm in love with him. The feeling is all-consuming, almost suffocating.

Still, Seri isn't going to say anything. She can't. Not out loud. Not yet. There's a chance it's not exactly the L-word either. It's the high from kissing him coupled with the circus that has become of her hormones. It's a trick her brain is playing on her heart.

But she sinks into Taeoh's touch, sliding a hand up his chest to see if his heart is hammering the same way as hers is. She kisses him again, slower this time, coaxing him in. "I knew you liked me," she teases, smiling against his lips.

Taeoh nips her lower lip before kissing her cheek. "You pounced on me," he points out.

"Did not!"

"You always have." He takes a step back, giving her space and closing the car door behind her. "I knew—"

The squeaking of the front door cuts him off. The two whirl around, acting like teenagers getting caught. One sleepy Taeri drags her feet over the gravel, frowning at them while in her panda print pyjamas. "What're you two doing?" She asks, squinting.

"Darling," Seri trudges towards her. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Did you go out without me again?" She accuses with a gasp. Feeling betrayed, she pouts at Taeoh. "That's not fair. You're always leaving me out!"

Taeoh swoops her up with an apology. "The trip to the store would’ve tired you out. You were already fast asleep."

They move quietly through the house, careful not to wake anyone. Seri's still dizzy from the kiss, and she can still feel the heavy blush on her face that Taeri had narrowed her eyes at for a long time. Upstairs, while changing out of her jumper, she overhears Taeri giggling at something Taeoh whispers to her. His low, playful shushing reaches her ears, and it pulls at Seri’s heart.

They meet in the hallway again, after she tucks Taeri into his bed. Taeoh draws her into his arms,

For once, Seri thinks, everything is not what she wanted it to be but how she'd like it.

•✧•

During the last few days Taeoh spends here, the line between him and Seri blurs more than it ever has before. They don't hide it, and Seri's family, to their credit, seems unfazed by the shift. Maybe they’ve seen it coming for a while, or maybe it’s just how comfortable Seri and Taeoh have become in each other’s presence—whatever it is, nobody brings it up.

Taeoh is unfamiliar with Seri's casual affection, whether it is the way she leans her head against his shoulder or loops her arm through his while walking. He's not sure how to respond, but it is absolutely not unwelcome. If anything, his body instinctively levitates towards her touch, craving and relishing it. His heart flutters in a painfully unfamiliar manner when Seri rests her palm on his knee or slides closer when they're talking on her bed.

There's a sense of achievement in him from the ease in her smile when she looks at him. The muddled chaos in his ribs untangles into nothingness when he finally, finally accepts that he doesn't need to hold back anymore.

When Seri locks herself in her room for privacy (to study, deal with the inevitable stretch marks, or answer calls from her friends), he has Taeri hanging from his sleeve. She grumbles and sighs when he insists she do her schoolwork so she doesn't fall behind. Only when Myeongseok passes them by on the dining table and chortles to himself that Taeoh realises that he's been duped into solving a thirdgrader's textbook while Taeri doddles on a notepad beside him. He wonders where she's picked this up from. Admitting defeat, he tags along past the backyard with her and helps her climb the large rowan tree growing on the periphery.

"Will you come back again?" She asks, pulling herself up a branch while Taeoh fixates tensely on her. "After Jihoon's born. Mom says it'll be in two months' time. Maybe less."

"I will." His hand twitches when her foot nearly slips off the wood. "I've talked it over with your mom—be careful!"

She swings, kicking her feet, and Taeoh feels his heart leap out of his ribs until she perches on an adjoining branch. "So, will you live with us?" She peeks down at him through the leaves.

"That, we're not sure," he says. "Once Seri's done with her research and comes back, we'll decide." He won't deny himself from imagining it, however, no matter how utopic it seems.

Taeri sits down to untangle the sleeve of her jumper from a twig. "What will you tell Uncle Inha, then?" She asks, distracted.

"Hmm? I'll leave that to your mom and do as she wants me to since Inha doesn't know about Jihoon."

"Yes, he does." Taeri doesn't climb too high, much to the relief of his nerves. She carefully lowers herself on another branch. "He dropped us at the airport because the cab didn't come."

Taeoh stills at the sharp sense of betrayal that cuts through him. If Inha had known, then why hadn't he told Taeoh when he'd called? He'd never kept any secrets from him. This had been deliberate. Even Seri hadn't told him that Inha knew.

"We'll see what your mother has to say about it," Taeoh repeats, brushing it off.

He shouldn't be feeling like this when he'd kept his…relationship with Seri a huge secret from Inha for years. And Seri had been hellbent on hiding the whole thing from Taeoh anyway, so Inha might have been keeping her secret for her.

He raises his arms to carry Taeri down from the tree. Instead, she wraps her legs around his waist, clinging to him like a koala. He faintly feels Taeri's fingertips stretch the corners of his mouth into a smile before they travel up to his eyebrows and down again to the corners of his eyes. "You know," she hums, "You have really bright eyes, dad."

There's a pang in Taeoh's heart. He wishes never to get used to her calling him 'dad' so that he feels this happy twinge for the rest of his life. "Do I?"

"Yeah," she happily chatters as he carries her back home. "I know what mom keeps saying, but I think she wants Jihoon to look like you, too."

Seri's parents drive him to the city airport when it's time for him to leave. Louisa plans to stay back at her apartment, while Seri wants to spend more time in her hometown before she begins work. Taeri spends the entire night glued to his side, eyes glistening every now and then. In the morning, when Taeoh rechecks his bags in Seri's room, Seri brings up Inha.

"I know he knows," he tells her.

She's not tensed, panicked, or worried. Quite calmly, she continues, "He did try asking me who the father was. I told him to mind his own business."

"It’s fine. We don’t need to tell him more than what he already knows.”

He looks up from his luggage to find her breathing heavily through her mouth, hand against the door frame. "Heartburn," she says, rubbing her chest. "And I think Jihoon's trying to come out the wrong way. Christ, I don't know how women willingly put themselves through this."

She reaches out for him when he draws closer to her. Seri clings to him, but he knows she'd rather chew on hair than tell him that she'll miss him. "I'll be back soon," Taeoh reassures her, resting his chin on her head. "It's barely a few weeks."

"I know." Her breath hitches, and he finds, in what feels like a lifetime, that he doesn't want to go. Taeoh wants to stay in the life he's experienced in these past two weeks. He's too close to deluding himself that this will last, that it's okay if his attention wavers from Kangoh. But this is something he can't have forever if he loses sight of his goal.

But then Seri kisses him, unlike all the times in the secrecy of her bedroom, and he forgets Kangoh and Inha and Hyewon. It's just the two of them.

"It must be sooo embarrassing for you," she taunts him, intertwining their fingers when he lowers his lips to the curve of her neck, "to like me this much."

"Very." He moves from one side to the other, making her gasp. "Almost like a punishment."

They reluctantly part at the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs.

While he places his bags in the back of the car, Seri shuffles to the corner of the driveway. She turns away and covers her mouth while taking a call. She's not audible, but Taeoh can hear her speak Korean. Taeri launches herself at him, embracing him tightly and making him swear that he'll call her every day. He promises, holding her close for a long moment before standing up again.

His phone buzzes, and, much to his confusion, he finds a text from Seri containing the name 'Seonu Wan' and an address in Sokcho. He raises a brow at her.

"Your hacker," she says. "But I'd be careful how I approach him. He's almost always underground."

Taeoh's brows knit together in complete perplexion. "Where did you get this!?" He exclaims, quickly lowering his voice when he sees Myeongseok and Louisa look over to them.

"It's from a reliable source if that's what you're asking." Seri is too casual with her response. It's unsettling.

She's surprised him several times before, but he's never been rendered speechless like this. Kangoh's IT Cell had been trying to track down this person, along with his anonymous group, for years, yet Seri had just handed him the name within days of knowing about him.

Seri pats him on the arm. "Don't worry about it," she says, and it worries him even more.

Who did she seek help from? The suspense eats him alive, but he knows better than to ask questions now. Taeoh pockets his phone and nods. She smiles back, looking far too pleased with herself.

"Call me when you land?" She asks, watching her parents climb into the car.

"I will." He swipes his knuckles against her cheek one last time before sliding into the passenger seat.

•✧•

Seri goes into labour earlier than expected, on the threshold of her home when her father is out running errands with Taeri, thanks to the shock delivered by one Kang Inha standing in the driveway.

He spreads his arms wide, a suitcase and shopping bag by his feet, and has a terrified smile plastered on his face. "Sur…prise?"

Seri grits her teeth, one hand clutching the doorframe and the other around her stomach. "What," she breathes through the sharp pains, "the fuck are you doing here?"

"Work trip in Dublin. Thought I'd stop by for a day—Are you okay?"

She inhales and exhales, resisting the urge to claw his face off. "No—" she gasps. "Call a cab—no, wait, Moira must be home. I'll call her."

Her panic is multiplied a hundred times as a result of Inha, white as a sheet, fussing and fretting over her while she tries and fails to ring Moira. "Can you drive?" Another jolt of pain rips through her, and she exhales—though it sounds more like a groan—through her mouth.

Inha fumbles over words, "I have an international license, but only for driving on the right side. I mean, I tried to drive on the left in—"

"Just get in the fucking car!" Seri screeches, hyperventilating and sweating.

Hearing her scream, Taeri comes running downstairs. She cries in delight when she sees Inha, but Seri is reduced to a string of expletives, and they decide to postpone the reunion until after.

Inha drives fine. He follows Seri's directions, and they reach the hospital while she calls her parents. All the time, she thinks of how Taeoh is supposed to be in the driver's seat, helping her out of the car and getting his fingers smacked when she insists she can do this herself, and being in the delivery room with her.

The nurses who know her shoot her strange looks, and Seri knows that the town will be gossiping before she even leaves the hospital—she'd turned up with the dad but ended up with a new face clutching her hand.

Seri wants to cry harder and throw a fit. She wants to demand that they delay, so that Inha leaves and she can call Taeoh, who would take the next flight here. But it's practically impossible. The shortest trip would be 17 hours, and given the time between her contractions, it would be potentially fatal if she waited that long.

It could've been worse, she thinks as she hyperventilates through her mouth. She fixates on the lights above her as they prep the delivery room. The nurses file in, one guiding a scrubbed Inha inside.

"This isn't how I thought my evening would go," Inha wheezes, mortified.

"Yeah, no shit, motherfucker!" Seri screams in pain, making him whimper.

She doesn't hate Inha. She only wishes that he wasn't here at this moment.

•✧•

Taeoh lays off the beer for once. He doesn't feel like it today. Hyewon doesn't insist. She raises a brow and shrugs.

"More for me, then."

They discuss work for a bit before moving on to talk about Inha briefly. He's in Paris for some meetings and is supposed to return in two days. Taeoh feels the familiar strain on his brow and the ache on his shoulders. There's a private event that he needs to plan that'll inevitably lead to the arrest of a big thorn wedged into Kangoh's side. But he can't go ahead until his next trip to see Seri.

Hyewon knows he's stalling. She expects him to tell her (and Inha) why. But Taeoh puts on his mask of omniscience and says that it's not the right time.

"I wonder what you're hiding," Hyewon says thoughtfully. Then, after a pause, adds, "I wonder what Inha's hiding too."

That gets his attention. "What do you mean?"

She smiles as if he's a fool, as if she knows something he doesn't. "You don't actually believe Inha is in Paris, do you?" She looks out at the dark horizon. "I might've taken a peek at his schedule. The time frame of his travel doesn't match."

Taeoh frowns deeply. The seeds of doubt already sown in his lungs do little to help.

His phone rings. The corners of his mouth turn upwards at the name on the screen. He steps away from Hyewon and answers the call. "Shouldn't you be in school?" Taeoh asks. It's close to midnight here. That would mean an afternoon back there.

"Mom's in the hospital!" Taeri exclaims from the other end.

It's like the Earth's jerked to a halt under his feet, along with his heart. "What do you mean?" he asks quietly, glancing back at Hyewon. She pretends to drink her beer and stare beyond the roof, but he knows she's listening.

"The nurse said it's the baby." Oh, fuck. "We've been here since 1. I wanted to be in the room with mom, but she was screaming too much and…it's kind of scary. Grandma says she'll be fine, but it's still scary to listen."

It didn't make sense. Seri wasn't due for another two weeks. Taeoh had his leave (the only one he'd ever applied for, making his colleagues raise their eyebrows) approved, and his flight was set for next week. He hadn't even gotten to searching for this Seonu Wan since his return. But of course, he wouldn't be Han Taeoh if he didn't have a backup plan or a backup-backup plan.

"It'll be okay," he reassures Taeri. "I'll see you soon." He can picture the terrible crease between her brows and her frustrated pout, but he can't help it. Saying anything else might make Hyewon suspicious.

Taeoh pockets his phone and turns to her. "I need to go," he says and offers no further explanation.

There's a packed bag at the bottom of his closet that he double-checks before calling the airport to change the dates on his flight ticket. His only options are the 18-hour journeys, either through Istanbul, Amsterdam, or London. It's quite unfortunate that Kangoh isn't sponsoring his trip like the first time, but Taeoh doesn't mind. He's glad he doesn't have to write an email to the accounts department explaining why he's flying across the world in the middle of the night.

Only after he's finished adjusting his flight details does he let his boss know that he's off to head-hunt one of their clients before he gets away. Not that his boss is going to stop him. Taeoh, more or less, runs the show at the Global Leader department.

He calls Seri's dad after checking in at the airport. "It wasn't supposed to take this long," Myeongseok tells Taeoh. He can hear the pure fear in the man's voice. "Her blood pressure dropped, and she was bleeding more than what is normal. But the doctors have everything under control, they said. I…haven't told her mother yet."

She was supposed to be okay. Seri was supposed to be okay. Her records said so. Taeoh feels physically sick from not knowing what to expect.

"It'll be alright," Myeongseok assures him, though it sounds more like he's comforting himself. "There's been no complications so far. She'll be alright."

Every tormenting moment feels like an eternity on the flight. He taps his foot, drums his fingers against the armrest, and switches between channels as if it would make time move faster. Fourteen hours later, Taeoh's phone begins to buzz the moment it connects to the WiFi at Heathrow. Four missed calls—three from Taeri—and several messages tell him that it's okay; he can relax.

There's a text from Hyewon asking him if he's going to turn up today or if she should save the effort of driving all the way to their old neighbourhood. Taeoh tells her that he'll be out of the country for the next few weeks due to a client, and practically races to his connecting flight.

Taeri calls him when it's close to late evening. "I can send you a picture," she yawns into the phone when he finds a place to take a breather by his boarding gate. "But…I don't know if I should tell you this."

"What is it?" He insists. "Is your mother okay? Did the doctor say anything?"

"Mom's asleep. They won't let me see her. She was with Jihoon for a little bit before they took him away."

His chest tightens. "Took him away?"

"To the Nicky."

"The NICU, you mean?"

"Yeah." His insides lurch at her voice. Then, she forces herself to sound upbeat, "Dad, he's…very small. Like, very. And he's wrinkly, like mom's grandad. And pink. And he looks like a rat, but you can't tell mom I said that."

Taeoh's mouth quirks into a small smile, though everything under his skin is aflame, "They're meant to look like that for the first few days." Quietly, he adds, "How do you feel?"

He heard her hum in thought. "I want to see mom," Taeri answered nervously. "And I want us to go home so that we can show Jihoon his new bed. You'll be here soon, right? Grandad said mom's fine, but I know he's lying to make me feel better."

"It's going to be okay," Taeoh hears himself say. "Your mother is very strong, Taeri. Besides, I'm sure it's just some routine tests. These things take very long. You'll be back home before you know it."

After a torturous stretch of silence, she softly says, "Okay."

Taeoh hasn't felt this powerless and out of control in a long time. He hangs up, stomach tied in a sickening knot, wondering whether he was born with some sort of a curse. He takes a deep breath to steel himself against the uncertainty. It's going to be fine, he repeats in his mind like a mantra. The wait is unbearable, but it will be okay. Seri had told him so. And if there's anybody in this universe he holds in high regard, then it is her.

He wasn't going to lose her just as they had found each other.

It will be okay.

•✧•

Taeoh and Inha pass each other by at the airport. Neither of them see each other. Inha boards his flight back home, oddly content, not knowing that Kim Jihoon is Taeoh's. Taeoh hails a cab with his nerves on fire, unaware that Inha was the first one to hold his son.

Neither of them find out the truth until years later.

•✧•

To distract himself from the terror he's experiencing, Taeoh forces his mind to wander.

How do people live in this country when it rains all the fucking time, he thinks to himself as he clutches his bag close to his side. It's well past sunset when he arrives at the hospital. He shields his hand with his palm—as if it was going to be of any help—and sprints from his cab to the entrance, nearly losing his footing by the door. Taeoh wants to throw up the food he could barely stomach on the flight, but seeing the situation he's in, he postpones it.

Breathing harshly from his mouth, Taeoh looks around the small foyer. In his haste, he'd completely forgotten to ask Myeongseok which room Seri was in. Fortunately for him, Seri's receptionist ex-boyfriend saves him from a very expensive international calling bill.

"Room 313," he says from behind the desk. He sounds quite vindictive, but maybe that's just Taeoh.

Mumbling a quick thanks, Taeoh stumbles to the elevator. It's stuck on the fourth floor—the last floor—and so, he darts up the stairs, sweat mixing with the rainwater on the back of his neck by the time he reaches the waiting area.

The waiting area, much like the rest of the building, is painted forest green. The furniture is old, with its beige colour halfway into turning grey-brown.

The first person Taeoh sees is Seri's mom. She's huddled in a corner by the fluorescent lamp, talking to the same OB they'd seen a month ago. Taeri is slumped, half on the sofa cushion, half on Liam's knees, kicking her feet out of boredom while Liam is reading a book titled 'The Large Hadron Collider'. Myeongseok is sitting at a small round table, tapping his finger against its surface before switching to shaking his leg. He looks mildly relieved when he spots Taeoh.

"You're here!" He rises from his seat, prompting Taeri to shoot up and land on her feet.

She hurtles at Taeoh, making him drop his bag when he picks her up. She wraps her limbs around him tightly and sniffles against his shirt. Taeoh runs a hand down the back of her head, murmuring soothingly.

There's obvious confusion from Seri's family about whether or not to wish him congratulations. Liam's the first to shake Taeoh's hand to break the awkwardness while he balances Taeri on one side. "I wish we had news for you," Liam says, "but we're waiting for the doctors ourselves. They've kept the baby under observation in the NICU, and Sinead woke up from her surgery an hour ago."

"She wouldn't let any of us in," Taeri's voice cracks and she wipes her palm harshly over her eye. "She was yelling at the doctors, and grandad, and—and everyone."

There's a twinge in his chest at the thought of Seri, with all her fierceness and control, sitting helpless, angry, and frightened, confined to a bed.

Seri's mom strides towards them, exploding into rapid Irish, mostly directed at Myeongseok. The man flinches and presses his mouth together apologetically. "Unbelievable," she snaps in English. "The nerve of this man—and if something had happened to my baby on the operation table while I was in fucking Cork—"

"She's okay, love," Myeongseok tries to appease her, but it does nothing. Louisa looks downright furious. The narrowing of her eyes and the crease between her brows remind Taeoh of Seri. "Really. She's weak and can't move at the moment, but I spoke to the doctor. She's supposed to recover gradually."

"I'll go see her," Taeoh says, crouching a little to set Taeri down. "She can't stay locked in. Why haven't the nurses done anything yet?"

"Oh, it's not locked," Liam says, taking Taeoh's soaked coat from him. When he shoots him a perplexed look, he explains, "She hurls whatever is in her hand at us when we walk in. I almost broke my skull from the lunch tray she flung at me."

Taeoh looks at the three in disbelief and strides towards Seri's room with fast, long steps. He tries the handle, and the door opens with ease. As warned, the moment Taeoh enters, closing the door behind him, he ducks out of the way of a flying glass. It hits the wall and falls to the grey linoleum floor with a thud. It cracks and chips but doesn't break.

"How long have you been waiting to throw that?" Taeoh asks, stepping over it. He means it as a joke, but the joke doesn't land. The humour evaporates the moment he sees Seri standing by the bedframe, weak but defiant.

She's in a white, dotted hospital gown that hangs loosely around her figure. There's an IV needle on the back of her hand leading to a saline drip and another on the inside of her arm for more medication. There's an oxygen tank by the bed, but the nasal cannula hangs limply off the mattress. Seri's face is pale, and her hair is sticking to her forehead with sweat. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days. There’s a wildness to her eyes, like she's on the brink of unravelling. Taeoh’s heart sinks at the sight of her—exhausted, furious, and barely holding herself together.

There's an ache in him that quells once she is before him, but Taeoh can't afford to stand and stare until his eyes have had their fill.

"You can go tell the doctor that since I'm strong enough to throw that at you, then I'm well enough to hold my son," Seri snaps at him. He almost believes her until he notices the quivering in her legs and the sheer stubbornness with which she's hauled herself to stand.

"Seri," he gently says, "Will you please get back on the bed?"

She shoots him a scathing glare, "No. Get out."

Taeoh moves towards her, and she struggles to pick up the pillow to throw it at him. Her hands have no strength. Even her grip is weak when she tries to push him away. "You can't take care of him if you haven't recovered properly," he says, brushing against her elbows. "You've been through—"

"I don't care," Seri cuts him off sharply. "I don't care about what I've been through or that I might bleed out. You don't get it." She tries to smack his hands away but fails. Her legs give way, and she nearly collapses to the ground. Taeoh holds her up, ignoring the way she digs her nails into his coat sleeves. "Let go of me. Let go!"

"I will, I will!" Taeoh sets her down on the bed. He pulls the heavy blanket over her legs, and just the weight of it pins her to the mattress. Seri is concerningly out of breath and too exhausted to look furious. Taeoh sits by her knees, clasps her hand, and combs her hair behind her ear. "Will you, at least, hear me out?"

She shakes her head, limp and sluggish. "I held him once, and they took him away," her voice breaks at the last syllable. "They told me Jihoon lost twenty per cent of his weight within hours. Do you know how catastrophic that is?" The coil of fear tightens in his chest. The walls feel like they're closing in on him as she speaks, and Taeoh forces himself to stay composed, to keep the panic from clawing its way out.

Seri sucks in a deep breath, swiping a palm across her cheek. "The doctors suspect sepsis, but that's not it. His blood pressure was low, and his temperature was unstable. This hospital is garbage. They have outdated technology, and they're understaffed. And if that's not enough, they're treating me like I don't know what I'm talking about—because they've seen me fuck around this town since I was a kid. But I know better."

Twisting away from him, she pats around and reaches for the clipboard on the bedside table. "Look," she shoves it in his hand and insists, "Look at the results. They shouldn't be examining him for sepsis, but they should be treating him for dehydration."

"I'm sure they've figured that out by now," Taeoh tells her softly, setting the clipboard aside.

"Then they should've let me know by now!" She shrieks.

"You're right." He envelops her palm in both of his, rubbing the back of it to calm her down. "But, Seri, you haven't exactly let anyone inside without threatening bodily harm."

Seri's lips tremble, and she shrinks into him, resting a hand over his chest. "It's all my fault." She sounds shattered. "I must've done something wrong. The scans never showed—he was fine the entire time, so there must be something wrong with my body."

"That's not true."

But Seri's already spiralling, breathing heavily, as she recounts, "I kept saying that I wasn't supposed to be in this situation, not when I'm so young. I kept repeating it, over and over, like some cruel joke. Zara told me to take it easy, but I ran around during my ER shifts. And…and I used to smoke. Not when I knew, but maybe earlier, when I didn't. But, none of the tests showed any complications—"

"Enough," Taeoh says, a little firmly. "You haven't done anything wrong, Seri. You know just as well that the scans don't tell us everything all the time. You were meticulous, as always. Listen to me," he insists when she tries to interrupt. "You've done the best you could. Everything. But you need to stop seeing this as a medical case. You're not Jihoon's doctor."

He feels the tremor in her fingers and brings them up to his lips. "He's going to be alright, regardless of which one of us he takes after. You're incredible, Kim Seri, but you need to leave the rest to the doctors and focus on your recovery first."

Very reluctantly, Seri nods. She doesn't look happy about it, but she accepts that there's not a lot she can do in her condition. Taeoh wraps his arms around her and she nestles against him. "I'm glad you're alright," he breathes, brushing a faint kiss against the top of her head.

He gives her some time, watches her fiddle with his fingers before asking, "Will you let the others in the room now, please? Taeri's been waiting to see you."

Panic flashes across Seri's face, and she shifts away. "What is she still doing here? It's so late."

"I'll go get her." He grazes her cheek with his knuckles, overwhelmingly relieved that she's well enough to hurl things and look at him as if he's a fucking idiot.

He steps out and immediately spots Taeri sitting beside Liam, hugging the goldfish plushie he had given her years ago. The little girl speaks in hushed whispers, her small face pale with concern. Myeongseok carefully slides down the other hallway, two cups of coffee in hand, making his way to Louisa, who sits tensed in a corner.

Taeri leaps off the sofa the moment her fretful eyes land on Taeoh. She wipes her palm against her jeans and ambles over to him. "Hey," Taeoh crouches to her level, nudging her closer to him. Seri's family frantically gathers around as well. "It's okay now. She can't wait to see you. But your mom's still recovering, so you be gentle with her, okay?" Taeri nods, lower lip trembling.

"I managed to get her to rest," he tells Seri's parents while Liam peers past his shoulder into the room. "She's very weak."

Louisa touches his arm in gratitude briefly and walks past him, heels clicking with urgency. Standing at the door, he hears Seri’s voice, fragile and trembling like a child’s. "Mam..." Louisa is all over her, weeping and sobbing and running her fingers through her hair. Liam sits by the bed patiently, eyeing the clipboard beside him.

Nervously, Taeri hovers by the door. She takes tiny, uncertain steps until Seri sees her and breaks into a wide, tearful smile. "Oh, come here," she calls lovingly, arms outstretched. Taeri scrambles towards the bed, burying her face in Seri’s chest as quiet sobs shake her small body. "My darling," Seri coos, running a soothing hand down her back, "I'm sorry. You must've been scared. I'm so sorry."

Taeoh feels like a boulder is crushing his shoulders. He wants to sit down and rest his legs, but he can't relax. He moves out of the way for a nurse, who sighs heavily and grumbles something like, "About feckin' time."

He accidentally bumps his shoulder against Myeongseok. "I'll go speak to the doctor," he tells him.

"I'll tag along," Myeongseok offers, visibly consoled. "The head nurse's accent isn't something you'll understand."

A million questions and what-ifs plague Taeoh's mind as they follow the signs to the NICU. The anxious coil inside him tightens, and the all too familiar nausea rises despite his best efforts to quash it. A thump on his back draws him violently out of his thoughts. Myeongseok gives him an encouraging nod but Taeoh finds he's rarely at ease when dealing with situations out of his control.

Much like Seri.

He stops when Myeongseok stops, seeing a tall Middle-Eastern woman wearing a dark hijab and a white coat walk towards them. She has a youthful face, sharp features, and brown skin. "Dr Al-Wazir," Myeongseok greets with a jittery smile.

"Flynn. Yes," she says distractedly and glances at the folder she's holding. "I was just about to look for you." She casts an offhanded glance at Taeoh, "And this is…?"

"The dad," he explains shortly.

Something inside Taeoh jolts, like a physical shift he wasn’t prepared for. He’s heard it before but never in such a final, unquestioned way. There’s no hesitation in Myeongseok’s voice, no lingering doubt. The dad. The words settle over him like a mantle of responsibility, and a new form of terror rises in him, convincing him that he's going to fuck this up before it can even begin.

"Then who was that other chap?" The doctor looks genuinely confused. As is Taeoh. Maybe she didn't recognise Liam?

Myeongseok shrugs too casually and answers smoothly, "You mean her brother?"

The doctor doesn't dwell on it for longer than half a second. She gestures at the sliding doors behind her, which have the words 'Neonatal Intensive Care Unit' emblazoned on them.

“Good news,” she says, offering them a small smile. “The baby has survived the first few critical hours. We’ve administered fluids to address his dehydration—Dr. Keating was right about that—and he’s responding well. The next step will be kangaroo care with the mother once she’s well enough and he’s stable.”

The boulder that had been crushing Taeoh vanishes just as Myeongseok exhales soundly, "Thank God."

The doctor turns her attention to him, her eyes softening just a fraction. "Would you like to see your son?" she asks.

The fear that had left him returns like a blow to his chest the moment he glimpses the rows of bassinets through the glass doors of the NICU. His breath catches and his mouth goes dry as he wonders which one Jihoon is lying in. Is he the one in the corner? The tiny bundle under the heat lamp? Once Taeoh walks through those doors, everything will change for the rest of his life.

He nods and tries to steady himself, but he's not ready. How could anyone ever be ready for something like this? He's going to fuck this up. Did Seri go through the same thing when Taeri was left in her care?

But before he can fully wrestle with that thought, another one slips in—Inha. Taeoh's struck with the sudden realisation that he'll have to keep Jihoon a secret from Inha. For how long? Years? How can he even bring this up with him? How can he tell Inha about this…this hidden life he's had with Seri all this time?

It's all too much, but he doesn't want to dwell on it any longer. He feels the weight of Myeongseok's stare as the latter patiently waits for him to take the first step. It's going to be alright, he reassures himself. He'll make it work—Kangoh, Taeri, Jihoon, the secret. He touches his knuckles against his mouth, forcing himself to stop thinking, and follows the doctor past the doors.

Besides, he's Han Taeoh. He never gets it wrong.

•✧•