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Chapter Text

Tobio knew that he had messed up, he understood that he hurt them..

But did he really deserve to die..?

~*~

Tobio froze for a second before turning around to the sound of the ball hitting the ground. He saw no one, not a single person in sight before he turned to the back of the court and saw them all staring at him.

He immediately knew he messed up, he didn’t understand yet but the look from his soulmates made his heart know that he messed up. Tobio heard his coach call for him to come to the bench, he walked with a hast he hadn’t expected and sat down. After a few more minutes, the game continued as he sat there staring at the ground, trying to come to terms with what went wrong and why they were all looking at him so oddly.

‘Did I say something wrong? Did my face do something weird again?’ He thought as he tried to control the tears that threatened to fall, he just doesn’t understand what happened or what’s going on. ‘Its my fault though, I’m being punished for not saving Ojiisan, since I couldn’t save him I’m not allowed to have anyone else. That’s it, isn’t it?’ 

The soft sound of breathing began to become hitched and fast paced, if the coach or the other teammates on the bench noticed, they didn’t say anything.

Besides,

‘It’s Kageyama’s fault..’

~*~

After the match, Tobio was the first one out the area, he sped walked to the closest restroom, he roughly wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his team jacket, trying to understand what’s happening and why everyone is so angry.

As he was about to turn, he felt a hand on his shoulder and then being thrown against a wall. Tobio gasped softly and looked up from the ground, his eyes vibrating as he tried to focus on what’s in front of him. One of his elder soulmates, the one who disliked him, the one who believed he was too unworthy to be a soulmate to the four of them.

Oikawa Tooru. A name that used to make Tobio swoon, but all he felt now was fear when he saw the same look he saw on Kindaichi's and Kunimi’s faces, the hand on his shoulder tightening, making him wince softly. 

Oikawa growled out, wanting to make his point clear, “You really had to mess up another group of people, didn’t you, Tobio-chan? This is disrespectful after EVERYTHING I had to lose and sacrifice so you could be perfect and fucking flawless.” The grip on Tobio’s shoulder tightened even more, making him tear up, all he felt was confusion, he still didn’t understand what had happened to gain such a reaction from so many people with cruel eyes.

When Oikawa notice the lack of focus in Tobio’s eyes, he growled out once again, being driven by anger as he moved his other hand to grip Tobio’s other shoulder, both hands gripping down hard as he pulled Tobio closer to just throw him back against the wall, a small, pathetic gasp leaving his mouth.

Oikawa wouldn’t stop though, “Is it really that hard for you to comprehend two fucking sentences?! You’re honestly pathetic, don’t embarrass yourself and try to go to Aoba Johsai, no one there wants or needs to see you!” Oikawa let go of the small, tearful boy before taking a step back and looking into his eyes, “I reject you, you’re a pathetic king who can’t even do the one thing he’s supposed to be good at.. And you know the others want to too, we’re all tired of you ruining everything..” 

Tobio’s face fell to the ground before he was able to watch Oikawa leave, and once the boy was out of sight, he gasped painfully as he felt his bond break, his left wrist burning as the once beautifully colored picture of a carousel began to dull and dark, almost black, dark maroon began to cross out the soul mark that marked him as Oikawa’s.

Tobio cried silently, his lungs hurting more than before when he was crying although he couldn’t say why. He stood on weak legs before trying to walk out so he could go home but as he got closer to the door, he was stopped by two other of his soulmates, they stared at him with the same look as Oikawa’s and he squeezed his chest in acknowledgement of what is gonna come from the two boys.

It was surprisingly Kunimi who spoke first, the usually quiet and tired boy’s face scrunched in a way that can only be described as disgust, “King.. We’re done, both of us reject you as our soulmate. We don’t want to be soulmates with someone as controlling and selfish as you.”  Kindaichi then took over, but Tobio couldn’t decide if that was better, “You’re pathetic.. I feel bad for whoever is stuck with you as a platonic soulmate, because if I were  them, I’d cut off my right wrist immediately.” They then walked away, cluelessly of the damage they caused, having learned too little from their teachers over rejecting soulmates. 

Tobio just stared forward, feeling dazed and as if there was something stuck in his throat, he tried to call out for them to come back but it came out as just a squeak. He whimpered softly before running out the door, not caring if he was supposed to get on the bus with the rest of his team, he couldn’t take the pain, his chest felt too tight, his vision blurred over as he tried to understand why this was happening, what he did wrong, why? 

why..? 

~*~

After a while of aimless walking, Tobio fell to the ground near a park, coughing violently, tears streamed down his as he couldn’t even get the sobs out from how much his throat burned and felt closed off. After a particularly violent cough, a small yellow hyacinth.

Tobio stared at it with fearful eyes, especially when the coughing didn’t stop, multiple yellow hyacinths falling from his mouth, all stained with blood, but then two new flowers appeared, yellow carnations and black dahlias. Tears fell from his eyes rapidly as he choked and sobbed with every flower that left his mouth. 

He curled up on the ground as he began to vomit nothing but flowers and his own blood, as he took a look at the trees beside him, he finally realized what he did wrong, why this was happening to him.

  ‘I shouldn’t have ever said anything when I myself am flawed.’

Tobio used what he believes to be his last breath, 

“..hel… …help..”

~*~

When Tobio felt his eyes barely open, his vision was still blurred, he looked up with what small vision he had and saw a figure with blonde hair, an angel? The figure sounded like an angel, but he knew it couldn’t be, he didn’t deserve that.

He opened his eyes completely and saw a girl with blonde hair staring at him, his eyes jerked towards her with fear and he jumped back, fearful and wondering what she wanted. ‘Who’s the girl? Why is she here? What happened?’ Not noticing the soft pink soul band that wrapped around his right wrist or the sting that came with it.

He then remembered what happened, the flower petals that clung to his chin being proof of what he went through, he began to wheeze softly as he tried to breath and call out to the strange girl, his throat ruined and scratched. Although the angel-like girl moving towards him and gently pats his back, helping the flowers that clogged his throat exit. 

After the last flower left, he looked at the girl, his eyes softening, “Thank.. Thank you.. Who are you..?” he asked with slight fear in his tone, scared of the coming of ruin ‘It’s too late to worry about that.’ A small voice in his head told him.

 “..My name is Yachi, I’m your platonic soulmate, at least I think so..” The angel, Yachi, said Tobio then turned to look at his right wrist, trying to push away Kindaichi’s words that tainted his memories. He looked back up at her and said, “I-I’m Kageyama, sorry if I worried you,” with embarrassment leaking through his voice.

When he looked up and saw Yachi’s face to be just as red as he believed him to be, he couldn’t help but giggle softly and so did she. The angel smiled softly before beginning to speak in her soft voice again, “You’re fine..! Are you feeling okay, I can call an ambulance if you need..!” Tobio then seems to remember why he’s in this position in the first place, “..I’m okay.. I was.. ..rejected is all…” He said with shame as he looked down at the ground and took a small glance at his left wrist where a carousel used to rest.

He then felt careful arms wrap around his body. After he got over his shock, he looked down at the blonde before wrapping his own arms around her as well. After a few minutes, she pulled back and looked up at him, “Well I’m here now..! I-I don’t even know you to know you didn’t deserve it..!” She said with such kindness that Tobio couldn’t understand why she was being so kind to such a cruel, unforgiving, disgusting, monster like him.

He still smiled softly at her before standing up on his weak legs and gently helping Yachi stand, she gasped and squeaked softly as she looked up at him and his towering height, but he couldn’t help but giggle softly before speaking again, “That’s.. kind of you to think.. I don’t know if it’s very true though.. Could you please help me to the hospital..?” Yachi  nodded softly before gently helping lead him to a subway to head to the hospital. All Tobio could think of though is Kindaichi’s words, wondering if he’ll ruin this girl like he ruined his four soulmates.

~*~

After he was checked into the hospital with help of an explanation from Yachi, she was made to leave, Tobio waved to her as she left, a promise to inform her of what happens in the morning.

As the nurse checked over him, answering questions that he barely proceed, now that the angel is gone, all he could think about was his four soulmates, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Kindaichi, and Kunimi, and how he ruined them, because it’s not like they did something wrong, they would never.

He.. He deserved this, he was a mistake, he should’ve been buried right beside his Ojiisan.

‘I’m sorry.’

Chapter Text

Tobio was gonna message her the next day, but the nurses seemed to be worried about the fact that there was seemingly no one who could immediately come to his aid, he stared down into his lap as he listened to the nurses talk to one another about his elder sister. He wished and hoped they didn’t call her, he knew she was busy, plus he deserved this , she didn’t have the time to come take care of him.

After the two nurses left the room, settling on calling his sister, even if he discouraged it, the doctor came back into the room. Tobio looked up at the man as he properly introduced himself, unlike yesterday when the nurses and doctor were more focused on helping him not choke to death on their hatred. The man smiled gently and stuck out his hand for Tobio to shake while introducing myself, “Hello, Kageyama-san, I’m Doctor Shimizu, now I’m sure this is all very scary for you but would you mind telling me what happened that lead to.. ..being rejected?”

Tobio looked down, ashamed of himself for being so pathetic and appalling, he looked back up into the doctor’s kind eyes, opening his mouth to say something but all that came up was yellow petals. He begins disturbingly coughing, blood and petals splattering onto his hospital sheet as Dr. Shimizu rushes to his side, gently grabbing the young boy’s hands off his neck. Tobio considers himself lucky when he just starts throwing up the flowers, the kind man bringing a trash can to him for him to vomit in, his throat burning as his eyes teared up from the pain, the knowledge that his soulmates would do this to him fresh in his mind.

‘You’re a monster, this stuff only happens to bad people, just diediediedieDIE!’ Tobio whined loudly as he felt thorns scraping his throat as he coughed up a final flower. A black rose, a whole black rose with the stem and all. The doctor had an unreadable face as he stared at the trembling boy that had blood and petals dripping down his chin, along with the small amount of milk he was given.

The doctor called the nurses back in to help clean the room, Tobio was gently lifted onto a wheeling chair and moved away from the bed as the sheets were stripped and the cleaning process began, he sniffled weakly and looked back to the doctor, the man looked at him with a stern, a slightly angered look as he placed his firm hand on Tobio’s shoulder. “Please, tell me what has happened, and the names of these soulmates of yours.” Tobio sniffled softly and nodded, although his throat burned from the pain. He opened his small mouth as his lips trembled, “..I.. I was rejected because I.. I was.. I was bad, I mean I think,” Tobio began to cry again as he tried to remember all he did, “I-I was loud I think..? And mean, so my soulmates, they rejected me.. I-It’s my fault, I was bad.. I had ruined everything and I was disgusting and selfish … I-It must be true, my soulmates are nice and good and not me so they must  be right..!?” He cried harder as he tried to think of what else to say, he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the look of pure disgust on the doctor’s face.

To his surprise though, a soft tissue was placed in his hand, he cracked his eyes open slightly to better wipe his tears away, although he whimpered when he had looked up and saw anger on the man’s face, the doctor stepped away for a second and looked at a picture in his wallet, and if Tobio looked hard enough, he saw a girl with dark hair and rectangular glasses. He continued to cry, softer this time, into the tissue as he felt guilt forever living.

~*~

Doctor Shimizu looked down at the picture of his daughter, hoping that she’d never have to experience this kind of pain, he hopes she finds her soulmate soon. He remembers how glad she was when she found her platonic phone, he hopes that remains the same when she meets her romantic one. 

~*~

After a few minutes, the doctor turned back to Tobio, he looked up with glassy eyes, about to apologize when he was cut off, “I’m sorry, Kageyama-san, but know that those things you say about yourself aren’t  true, you are a very young boy and it calls for many mistakes while you’re still growing.” Tobio shivers softly when he feels the man’s hand ruffle his already messy hair, “You’re only 14, you learn from the mistakes you make and are constantly growing into a better person, your soulmates were not, in any way, right with what they've done to you. Now, please tell me the ages of your soulmates, it’s very important.” 

Tobio sniffles softly and wipes his eyes, his tears slowing as he opens his mouth once more, “I-I have four… l, the first two are in the same grade as me but one is 15 and the other is 14.. the other two are 17 and are second years in high school-” “WHAT!?” He flinched at the sudden scream, not understanding why he sounded so angry, although he didn’t need to ask before the doctor answered himself, “So TWO of them knew what they were doing?! This is cruelty, and to a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD?!” That confused him, Tobio was told the consequence of rejecting a soulmate by his ojiisan, so they all had to know as well? 

Tobio watched trembling as his doctor tried to calm himself, the  man was practically dripping with rage, as a father to a teen as well, he couldn’t imagine someone as young as Tobio being forced to go through this, especially when his soulmates KNOWINGLY did this. Tobio’s trembling settled when the doctor sat in front of him once again, taking a deep breath before gently taking the young boy’s hand, “Listen, this is in no way something you deserve, okay? I’ll make sure you’re okay and healthy, understood?” Tobio nodded his head softly, Doctor Shimizu sighed in relief when he saw that the bed was now clean, he rolled Tobio back to the bed and helped him lay down, the young boy almost immediately closing his eyes to get some rest.

The nurses and him looked at the raven haired boy before quietly leaving the room, the doctor having some more things to look over and the nurses needing to wait for Tobio’s sister to call back.

~*~

Two days had passed since then, although Tobio was constantly on edge, he knows that him having Hanahaki Disease will affect his ability to play volleyball, that is if Doctor Shimizui even allows him to, when he had brought up the topic of playing yesterday, the man looked at him with a conflicted expression before replying that he needs to think about his answer. Now, Tobio knows that volleyball is sorta what landed him in this situation, by his own fault, but he still loved the sport dearly, it’s all he could think about sometimes, even forgetting to cook food and eat because he was just too focused, he NEEDS it, he doesn’t know how he would live without it, he thinks he would just kill himself if he couldn’t. 

Tobio sighed and grabbed his phone from the small table beside him and flipped it open, staring at the numbers in his phone, he shivered softly as he hovered over  four certain boxes, ‘Should I apologize? Would they even want to hear from me? What if I make things worse? What would I even say?’  Despite his better judgment, he couldn’t stop himself when he made a group chat for the four of them, ‘Why wasn’t there one before? Do they just have one without me? They love each other.’ He could feel the freshly scarred marks on his left wrist, and both of his inner thighs throb, ‘I feel like I’m missing one? I can’t be.. He probably rejected me too.’ His lungs tightened, the feeling of flowers blooming in his lungs made him twitch softly as he typed out a message, wanting to say sorry, not wanting to make them feel bad, wanting to feel loved and seen , wanting to show that he cares about them, his fingers trembled as he pushed out each letter, trying to stay detailed in a way that they could understand.

When he finally finished the message, he thought about whether or not he should send it, it could make things worse but, he just wanted to know if they actually wanted him dead.

‘I know you guys might not be wanting to hear from me again, but I still want to say I’m sorry, I’m sorry if I sounded mean or like I didn’t like you guys, because I do, I still do, I never meant to hurt you guys. But I know what I did must be bad if you guys wanted to reject me. I’m still sorry, and I hope you guys can find someone better to replace my mark on your bodies.

I’m sorry.’

As soon as he sent it, he blocked them as fast as he could, not wanting to see their responses, their ridicule , he shook softly before looking at his contacts.

He forgot to message Yachi, he panicked and nearly dropped his phone, quickly opening her contact number and trying to type out a message as quickly as he could, guilt filling his brain as he thought about how much of a shitty soulmate he was he deserved death .

When he was half-way done with the message, his doctor walked in, Tobio shot his head up, trying to conclude the panic written all over his expression, his doctor decided to ignore it, already having bad news, Tobio turned so his legs were draped over the edge of the bed as he looked up at his doctor with shaking eyes, to say he was nervous was an understatement, he didn’t want to not play volleyball, he’d rather collapse and die in the middle of a game than not play. “So, can I still play..?” He watched as the man took a breath before going into an explanation, “In your current state? No, although, if you take off the rest of your school year and do all your work from home, you will be well enough to begin again by time you start your first year of high school.” Before his doctor could get another word out, Tobio felt tears drip down his face, he doesn’t know why he's been crying so much recently but he knows know that he’s happy, he thought he’d never be able to play again, that he’d be force to do nothing but wait for death to take him in his flower grave, but he has a chance, he just needs to take off some time and then, he can play.

 ~*~

After going over some more details and being informed that his sister would pick him up tomorrow, he laid back in his bed, grabbing his phone to continue his message although he couldn’t help but stop, Yachi.. What if she was affected by being his soulmate? Would he contaminate her? His throat burned at the thought, he didn’t want to hurt her because HE was bad, that’s mean and selfish. At the same time though, his mind kept telling him that he promised to message her, but was it really worth it if he would just kill harm her? ‘Just like Iwaizumi,Oikawa, Kindaich, and Kunimi’

He was able to calm himself, trying to remind himself that the thought was foolish, the doctor told him that the effects will only harm him not his soulmates and that being around his platonic soulmate can help push back the possibility of death. He sniffled softly before nervously typing out the rest of his message, hoping he’d be forgiven for ignoring the angelic girl.

  “Hello, Yachi. This is Kageyama, I apologize for not messaging you as soon as I said, I was worried that us being platonic soulmates would hurt you with me having Hanahaki Disease. Although the doctor assured me that it wouldn’t harm you. Would you like to come back to the hospital so we could talk?”

After Tobio sent the message, he nervously waited for a response. He's been really lonely in this hospital, no one was here to see or care for him, ‘No friends, no family, am I really so bad that I have no one?’ He’s scared, scared he ruined everything for himself, he doesn’t even have his romantic soulmates anymore, he has nothing, he was so terrible and disastrous that he changed his destiny, his lovers formed by the stars themselves.

~*~

After yet another hour passed with no response, he sent yet ANOTHER apologizing to Yachi, he felt so scared, he knew it, he ruined everything, like always, he whined loudly, his throat scratching, still damaged from thorns. 

Tobio curled up on his bed, burying his tear-stained face in his pillow, trying not to cry for what felt like the millionth time this week, although as he was weakly hiccuping, he heard a faint ring, he lifted his teary eyes from the pillow and saw his phone vibrating, he jerked up and grabbed his phone, not daring to let it ring another time before rushing to answer, he felt excited, scared, worried and more, he begin talking the second he heard Yachi take a small breath,  “Hello..?! Umm, Yachi, I’m really sorry if I was mean, I didn’t mean to, I was just worried, I’m sorry I ignored you, I’m sorry I was a bad soulmate and got Hanahaki, I didn’t mean to force the bond, I’m sorry-” tears filled his faded eyes, he cut himself off with his  own soft sobs, through the phone, he could hear a soft voice gently shushing him, trying the best she could to comfort him as he tried to calm his rushing tears.

After a few more minutes of tears trailing down his cheeks, he sniffled softly and was glad to hear that Yachi was still on the other line, he then heard her speak in a nervous, guilt ridden voice,“..You’re okay.. If anything I should be apologizing, it’s my fault-” ‘What? I hurt her so badly she thinks it’s her fault?’ “It’s not your fault it’s mine-” “-No, it’s mine!” “No way!” 

They were both frozen for a second, Tobio barely moved as he held his phone to his ear, he then heard a soft giggle, it was so nice sounding, this was all so ridiculous, he couldn’t help when he held his stomach as he snorted accidentally, it wasn't as embarrassing as people made it out to be when he heard Yachi burst into a fit of laughter, he smiled at the sound and laughed gently along with her. After it came to an end though, he heard a soft thud on the other side of the phone and a nerve wracked voice quickly squeaking something out, “Sorry..! Umm… wouldyoulikemetocomeoverstill..!”

~*~

When she had arrived, Tobio remembered seeing a fond smile on his nurse’s face, although he couldn’t remember all too well, all he knows, Yachi is gently sitting next to him as he talks about his last hope, last joy, volleyball.

Chapter Text

After his sister had come and signed a few agreement forms, Tobio was allowed to leave, his sister gently rolled his wheelchair into their his home, she gently helped him onto the couch before leaving, saying she’d be right back. Tobio saw past it though, he could see the tears in her eyes that threatened to fall when she looked at him, he could see the complete pity she felt when she saw how pathetic he was. She walked out the door, leaving Tobio alone in the big house.

Tobio looked down once the door left, he tried standing up off the couch but found himself quickly collapsing, he knew this was pointless, HE was pointless, he could barely stand on two feet, he couldn’t make anyone stay, he was alone. He got on his hands and began to drag himself to the kitchen, his wheelchair being left by the door by his sister, it was pointless to try, he reached his fridge and weakly used the door handle to pull himself onto his feet, as his knees shock, he opened the fridge and grabbed himself something to drink.

He just sat back onto the floor as he drank, not knowing what to do with himself, ‘What’s the point? I should be dead, I don’t have anything anymore’ He dropped his drink to the ground, staring down at his hands as his vision tried to focus on something, anything.  He felt his breath quickening, although he couldn’t tell if he was lucky when he felt flowers begin to contaminant his throat, he checked, coughing roughly as he just sat on the ground, feeling too weak to try and help himself, what's the point when he already knows he should be dead. 

Blood began to drip down his chin as he coughed harder and harder.

~*~

All he could see was the gym around him, sound of balls hitting against skin and ground filled his ears, he looked forward and saw his soulmates, bright, smiling faces plastered all of them, even Kunimi, he smiled softly at the sight,  he always loved their smiles, Oikawa’s smile, his REAL smile, it was so soft, calming, it sent a wave of coolness through his body every time he saw it. Iwaizumi’s smile was strong, the way his eyes scrunched up when his teeth shined bright, the smile was almost like a blanket, something that let Tobio know he’d be okay, that all his fears and worries could be defeated under Iwaizumi’s strong rule. 

Kindaichi’s and Kunimi’s smiles were different though, they made him feel  a rush of joy and childish, while he always thought childishness was wrong, the way they smiled made him feel like it was okay, like was playing a game with the people he cared for surrounding him, a reminder that he was a kid, that he was still so young and could continue to improve.

When Tobio tried stepping forward though, he watched as it all crumbled, the gym collapsing as thorns and vines grew from the ground and what seemed to be thin air and took everything down, the once bright area being turned into a waste filled, Tobio gasped, he looked down and saw his reflection in the waxed floor, his body being that of his first year self, his uniform drowning him as he screeched and grabbed at himself, when he looked up, he was shadowed over by his soulmates’ tall, frightening bodies looming over him with dead, cold eyes.

He teared up, confused about what was going on, but then blood began to pour from his mouth, petals flowing with the pour, he then felt himself pushed to the ground, and then a body landing on top of his smaller one, he screamed in pain, trying to move the body off of his as he shaked and thrashed. He cried louder in confusion, looking up with a tea and blood covered face, he saw the forms of Kunimi, Kindaichi, and Iwaizumi standing over him, he then tried to turn his head back when he felt arms wrap around his neck, the arms squeezed and he wheezed in pain, he choked on his sobs as he began to scratch at Oikawa’s arms, trying to get the force off of him, but it was pointless, nothing was happening.

He screamed as best as he could before he felt Oikawa lean down and whisper into his ear, “Relax, Tobio-Chan.. This is all your fault, you started this..” Tobio whimpered and continued to scratch, he began to bawl louder when he saw that Oikawa’s arm that was now littered in scratches, began to leak worms out instead of blood, he cried harder as they slithered up his arm, crawling into his shivering mouth. He watched as Iwaizumi leaned down and whispered softly to him, a gentle hand in his hair, “Just take it.. You started this.. All of this wouldn’t happen to anyone else..” 

Kindaichi leaned down, pulling Tobio’s small hands off Oikawa’s arms, allowing him to squeeze tighter around the young boy's throat. Tobio cried harder, confused on why his soulmates were being mean, couldn’t they see how mean this all was? 

“Can’t you just calm down? You’re being so aggressive.. Just relax..” Kindaichi whispered to him, Tobio was terrified though, he felt like he was gonna suffocate. 

Then, small black rose petals fell from his lips, and the choking stopped, Tobio gasped and sat up, he looked around and saw no one, it was just him, alone, on a court with a volleyball lying next to him. 

Fingers turned into stems, those stems growing thorns, he cried quietly before picking up the ball, holding it close to his chest, even if the ball was being deflated by his curse, he just needed something, someone.

~*~

There was blood surrounding Tobio’s head, he whined weakly as he pushed himself off the ground, his blood sticking to the side of his face, he tried not to think about what happened in his head, but he couldn't help but think about how it was the first time he had seen Kunimi and Kindaichi smile in a while. ‘I wouldn’t mind the pain if I could see it again, their smiles are so warm.’ 

He sniffled softly and tried to stand, sadly, his legs were still to weak to hold himself up, he grabbed onto the kitchen counter to stop his fall, but he just felt so low, he didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to do anything, he just wanted to continue to lie on the ground. He knew that he couldn’t do that though.

Tobio was able to help drag himself to his bedroom, there, he saw his school uniform lying on his chair and he froze, causing his grip on the wall to loosen and falling to the ground. He had forgotten all about school, he hasn’t been there in nearly two weeks. What did everyone think? Did his team know why he was gone? Did everyone find out about the match? Did anyone even realize he was gone? 

He heaved weakly as his thoughts surrounded him, covering him almost like a blanket, he didn’t have the energy to get himself to his bed, his body feeling too slugged to lift his arms.

He curled into himself, thinking about how this is what THEY wanted, they wanted him weak, Oikawa never liked it when he was near, Iwaizumi never seemed to be interested in him, and Kunimi? Kindaichi?

He hurt them, they were so kind, so bright, and he ruined it. ‘ Oh, that’s what happened’ They were tired, they just wanted to have fun and he crushed that, the three of them were happy but he ruined it, he was selfish. They wanted to be freed from him because he was the mean one, he yelled at them when they were too tired and tried their best. Sure, the team was mean to him sometimes, all the time, you aren’t Oikawa but he could’ve done better, he was just so scared, so confused and he took it out on the two people he loved more than anything, more than his soul, more than his lungs that were now being filled with the consequences of the way he hurt them.

Tobio knows what he did, and he hates the message he sent now, he did so much worse and barely apologized to them, it was terrible, they’d never forgive him if he couldn’t even recognize how he hurt them, they were probably so sad, so scared, and it’s all his fault, he hopes he dies, so the marks of the person who hurt them no longer diminish their skin.

Chapter Text

Hajime loved his soulmates, he remembers when he first saw that he had not one, but four soulmarks on his body. He doesn’t know what he did to be so blessed with the ability to have so many people to love and love him back, but he had promised to always protect them.

Besides, that was his job, his first soulmate, Tooru, had shown him what his soulmark was on his other soulmates’ bodies, a simple shield on Tooru’s shoulder, and it meant the world to him. It was such a simple message, he was meant to be the protector of his soulmates, shield them away from the harm that would hurt them.

Hajime often fantasizes about his other soulmates, how he could protect them, what their marks on his body would look like once brightened with color, he already loved Tooru like it was his life’s mission, he couldn’t wait to do that with his other soulmates.

That was before he knew that one of his soulmates was Tobio Kageyama.

~*~

Hajime remembered the way that Tooru had cried into his arms just a few days after the first years had joined, how Tooru had cried his fear of being left behind, of being forgotten not just by his team, but by Hajime too. He tried to reason with the brunette but the tears kept falling down his face, it made Hajime scared. They had barely known the small, blue eyed boy for a week, yet he had already hurt Tooru so badly.

So he held Tooru, promised that he’d always be by his side, even if it went against the world, he loved Oikawa, and he didn’t want to imagine a world with Oikawa being second to anyone. 

Hajime still understands that he shouldn’t have done what he did, he shouldn’t have participated in the act of isolating Kageyama from the rest of the team, he saw the way the boy tried so hard to join in, but with Tooru’s obvious dislike for the boy, everyone started to distance themselves from the boy, not wanting to be with someone who clearly had something wrong with them. Hajime hated that Kageyama, despite the bad treatment, despite the rude comments, despite the obvious hatred, still looked at all of them, especially Tooru, with those same bright, adoring, and enchanted eyes.

Luckily though, stupidstupid he and Tooru had found out that two of the first years were there soulmates as well, Hajime remembers how happy Yuutarou and Akira had been when they realized as well, Hajime watched as a mark on his hip of a mirror that brighten beautiful with flowers surrounding it turned bright the mirror has cracks. A sleeping cat that laid on his thigh shined as the fur turned into a beautiful deep indigo, he loved them both, cursecurse. 

While the mystery of their fifth soulmate dragged on, they were excited, the four of them all seemed to have a click, and that means a fifth will fit perfectly and make them feel whole. 

~*~

The excitement in Hajime wallowed out after he had to run to stop Tooru from slapping Kageyama he was so small, his face looks confused scaredscaredhurthurt but then failed to stop Tooru from jumping under his arm and grabbing Kageyama’s wrist, he watched as the carousel, it looks like his own, how did he not notice?, turned so beautiful, just like his. Any small amount of happiness was destroyed at Tooru’s gag,  a real gag, he watched as Tooru pushed Kageyama away and pulled up his shirt, their fifth soulmate mark colored brightly, Tooru ran out of the room, and Hajime was stuck. Kageyama was lying on the ground, but he was fine, wasn’t he? The boy seemed to be too enchanted by the bright colors on his wrist, he’s fine .

Hajime ran after Tooru, finding him sobbing while vomiting into a trash can and Hajime felt something crack inside him, his best friend was a mess, tears and vomit staining his face as he sobbed harder and harder. He had a thought, a selfish, selfish, thought but it had to be true, Kageyama was destroying his soulmate, and he was supposed to protect his soulmates he’s your soulmate too and that meant, he had to protect Tooru from the cruel confused boy. Besides, Kageyama has Akira and Yuutarou, he’ll be fine with just two soulmates, and he can live without one of his.

Hajime ran and held Tooru tight against his chest, uncaring of the vomit and tears staining his shirt, he just wanted him to be okay. Tooru looked up at him with weakened eyes and his voice raspy as he spoke, “I-I don’t have anything anymore.. I’m gonna lose it all, you… Yuutarou and Akira… v-volleyball, I’m gonna have nothing..” Tooru cried harder into Hajime’s chest, and Hajime knew that no matter what, he had to stay by the boy’s side, he needed help and Hajime could give him all the love and support he needed. What about Kageyama-

~*~

Despite the feelings Hajime had towards Kageyama, he would never reject him, especially after he finished his first year if high school, the articles and projects the school made them do over Hanahaki Disease, and how the rejecting of one’s soulmate could lead to irreversible consequences, such as hallucinations, mental illnesses, possible incurable diseases, it was nothing but torture for the rejected soulmate. 

And after researching and seeing what rejecting a soulmate can do to them, it’s understandable why the schools only taught it in full detail in high school. In elementary school and middle school, all they were told was to NEVER reject their soulmate, no matter what. So Hajime thought that he and Tooru could just continue what they were doing, ‘Only I was doing it, Tooru harassed him every chance he got.’ and just ignore him, maybe after a while they could even be friends with the bright eyed boy.

‘I want more than that though, I want to hold Tobio in my arms and kiss and protect him forever. I NEED to show him how much I love him, how much I’m sorry for not giving him the same love as the rest of our soulmates, that I adore him and his stupid little smile he does when he’s holding a volleyball.’

~*~

Hajime knows that after him and Tooru had come to watch their juniors and their soulmates, Yuutarou and Akira, why isn’t Kageyama included? that maybe it was a mistake, as he watched the ball fall, no one was there by Kageyama’s TobioTobioTobio side, he felt a wave of realization running through him, he didn’t even need to know the full situation to know that this was his fault, that he made a mistake. 

He should’ve known the second they walked in and he saw that the usual brightness and excitement that Kageyama usually radiated was gone, what happened to the adoring, big eyed, junior that would follow Tooru, ‘He.. he did that with me too.. How could I not see it?’ 

Hajime couldn’t even focus when he watched Tobio walk over to the bench and sit down, all of the worst possible things running through his mind, and he nearly gagged when he had the thought that he may have accidentally rejected his adorable junior. He tried to think over anything and everything he’s said to Tobio, trying to think of what he could’ve done that made him accidentally do the most look down upon thing.

After the match was over, him and Tooru went to go find two of their soulmates, although he had known Tooru for a long time, and when he glanced over at him, he could sense something was wrong, extremely wrong, but he decided to brush it off for the meantime, Tobio deserved his attention too, so he was gonna talk to his two soulmates, try to explain why what they did was wrong. ‘There’s so many cameras, and this is the first time I’ve seen Tobio in a while, and even I can tell there’s something off’

Plus, if he remembers correctly, he could’ve sworn when he was walking past a funeral building and saw the name “Kageyama” on one of the signs.

“Hey, Iwa-chan, I need to go to the restroom real quick, I’ll be right back..” Before he could even put out a response, Tooru was already walking away, but he paid no mind to it, only one thought on his mind, and it was finding his two soulmates. 

When Hajime had eventually found them, he thought that they had already thought over what they did- or well, Akira had, as the youngest of them all had a conflicted facial expression, so he let out a sigh of relief, knowing this will be easier than he thought it’d be, how wrong he was.

“Akira! Yuutarou! That was some game, huh?” He said, trying to start off smoothly, luckily, both of them seemed to smile softly, although there seemed to be more in their smiles then let on. “Yeah, I hope you and Tooru still enjoyed it!” Yuutarou smiled brightly, seeming to be more relaxed than Akira was.

“Yeah, uhh, I need to actually talk about it a bit, but you two have to promise not to be mad?” That sounded like the right thing to say, Hajime knew that the two were closer, well, closer than anyone else, to Tobio, they were the only two that would still be around him when the team would isolate him. ‘Please tell me the team still doesn't do that to him..’ It seemed unlikely that they stopped though as he watched both Yuutarou and Akira reply with an okay almost immediately, and he knew well it wasn’t a good thing..

Hajime had to take a deep breath before talking, he was scared to admit he might’ve accidentally rejected one of their soulmates, especially the one the two were close to, he just hoped he chose his words correctly. “I.. I may have.. rejected Kageyama.. But..! Before You can say anything, know that-” He was cut off by Akira pushing a hand over his mouth, he watched as the expressions on Akira’s and Yuutarou’s faces change from a seemingly conflicted one that held on them earlier, then watched as they changed to a guilty expression, although, Yuutarou seemed to come to an accepting one soon after.

Yuutarou took Akira’s hand off of his face and spoke in a voice that came out with a slight shake, “It’s okay, we understand, okay?” Hajime let out a sigh of relief, glad they could tell without him even telling them that it was a mistake, an accident. “Thank god! I was so  worried you guys were gonna fucking maul me or something!” He responded with a slight tone of amusement, which seemed to cause Akira to finally relax as well, which let the air around them calm. “Nah! It’s understandable..” Akira grabbed Yuutarou’s shoulder and brought him close, whispering something in his ear that Hajime wasn’t able to catch. 

“Yeah.. Anyways, we're gonna go talk to Tobio ourselves for a second, that's good with you?” Akira said, finally weighing in on the conversation, and to Hajime, it seemed like a good idea, they had taken what he said and recognized how they also made a mistake on the court right now, sure, he didn’t get to say everything he needed to, but the two of them knew Tobio best, they probably knew even more than he did, hell, maybe they had just recognized how Tobio was getting stressed on the court and had just done what they did to get him off so he could relax. Hajime was able to recognize it, so they must have too.

~*~

Three days later, Hajime realized his mistake, he should’ve known when he wasn’t able to find and talk to Tobio after Yuutarou and Akira had.

‘...and I hope you guys can find someone better to replace my mark on your bodies.’

He was sent the message while he was still finishing up one of his classes. He read it over and over again, trying to understand what happened, but before he could use what little brain he apparently had, the bell rang, and he knew he had to go to practice. There was a bright side though, that meant Tooru was there, and maybe he could give him some insight on what was going on, plus, he received the message as well.

Inside himself though, he already knew what happened, thinking over what he said to Akira and Yuutarou, the way Tooru was acting, the slight sting of Tobio’s mark over his lung, he already knew what was wrong.

His body felt weak as he walked to where he and Tooru always met up so they could walk to the gym together, and when he had arrived, he was staring dead at his phone. They both seemed to know the situation as they were both just standing awkwardly in front of each other before surprisingly, Tooru broke the silence.

“Listen.. I know you’re probably mad but, isn’t this for the best? I mean, Tobio-chan never fit in with us anyways, besides, it’s just one rejection, so the side effects probably aren’t that bad-” Hajime knew that it was weak to hope, he hoped that what he thought happened wasn’t true, but here Oikawa was, admitting, saying it wasn’t a big deal, he could’ve fucking KILLED HIS SOULMATE- “NOT that bad?! Why would you KNOWINGLY reject our soulmate! Fuck you! We knew of the god damn consequences of it yet you, you fucking..” Hajime sobbed, the thought that Tobio is probably on his deathbed right now, it broke him, he was supposed to protect him, yet now, Tobio lays alone. 

In front of him, Oikawa was frozen, he seemed to be trying to come up with an excuse but nothing that he said would make Hajime forgive him for what he’s done, such simple words have killed his soulmate. 

Finally, it seemed to dawn over Oikawa what he’s done, he wrapped his arms around Hajime, he didn’t fight it, too overwhelmed by tears and his own guilt and play in the pain done to their soulmate.  

That’s right, Tobio was theirs, yet they didn’t appreciate it. They didn’t see the small boy that followed after them with admiration as a soulmate, or even a person, just a problem.

“I’m sorry.. Oh my god.. What have I done?! Tobio-chan.. He.. We..” Oikawa sobbed as he tried to hold Hajime even tighter than he already was. Hajime pulled away, roughly wiping his eyes, not caring that they were late, all that mattered was Tobio.

After they both calmed down, Hajime pushed Oikawa away, he reached back into his pocket and grabbed his phone, Oikawa watched with broken eyes as Hajime called Kindaichi, while he already knew what probably happened, he wanted to hear him and Kunimi admit. Admit what they’ve done.

Chapter Text

Tobio had done nothing for the past week, he sat and just stared blankly at whatever was near, he just felt so weak. There were flowers and blood surrounding him on his bed, he didn’t have the energy to even move. In the time he’s spent, he’s wished that the flowers would just kill him already, he hates living now, knowing that he destroyed the people who he cared about most. Did they care about me too?

He’s always known that he wasn’t that good at anything, he was a bad son, that’s why his parents never wanted to be around him. He was an awful grandson, his Ojiisan lays dead, it was his fault, he killed him. The girl and boy who touched him, hisfaulthisfault. 

Tobio knew he wasn’t enough, he could never do anything right, something always went wrong, and he’s so stupid, so fucking stupid. He was pathetic, the fact that he wouldn’t move was proof enough. His body is numb, he couldn’t even if he tried.

He’s somehow gotten worse, at the hospital, he was able to move somewhat, but now, his body has given up on everything but the flowers. 

Whenever he tries to move, it fails. Tobio moves his head down, to his lap which is already drenched in bloodied flowers, and gags, he does so until an arose of purple hyacinth. Blood dripping from his lips as he vomits out the flowers and stomach acid, his throat burned so bad but he just couldn’t move, he wanted so badly to get up, to do something to help himself, but he just  couldn’t, it’s as if his mind and body were to separate beings that had opposite goals.

Tobio just wants to feel loved, he had thought that if he was better at volleyball then his soulmates would like him like they like each other, he wouldn’t scare Oikawa and make him cry, he would be good. Instead, he was awful, he just made them sad and angry, and he hoped to everything out there that his soulmates weren’t punished for rejecting him, he deserved this. 

‘StopStop, please.. pleASE just focus..! Nothings wrong’

‘You’re pathetic just stopstopstop please’

‘SHUTUPDIE-‘

He bursted into tears again, his mind felt so conflicted, one second he felt one way and then another it was almost the complete opposite, it was so confusing and scary, he didn’t deserve this but at the same time he does? He knows something but how does he know that it isn’t just a hallucination? What if everything wasn’t real?

He tried to think hard, trying to remember what happened and what was just his mind. Was he hit by his soulmates or is that a part of his mind? Did Oikawa humiliate and degrade him everyday or did he imagine that? Did he kill his Ojiisan or did he imagine that? Was he held down by a girl while her boyfriend touched him again and againagainagainagain?

When he heard his phone ring, he let out a scream of pure terror, feeling as if he got stabbed. He grabbed his phone and answered it just before the final ring, not even caring to see who the person calling him was.

“Hello..? Kageyama-san..? It’s Yachi and I’m.. I’m getting that same feeling I got when we first became soulmates.. are you.. are you okay..?” 

Oh, it was the angel, Tobio was almost sure he had imagined her if it wasn’t for the pink band that laid on his right wrist. He realized that he was just breathing into the phone and quickly responded, “Sorry… I’m… I’m okay, just… Just having problems walking is all..” 

It was silent for a second before Tobio spoke up again, “Are you.. doing okay..?” He could practically hear the gears in Yachi’s head spinning before he got a response, “I’m uhh…” He heard the girl take a deep breath before continuing, “Not really… some people are just.. yeah.. umm.. would you like me to come over..? That way we could both start feeling better..!” 

Tobio wouldn’t lie, he was a bit shocked by the answer, who would be mean to the angelic girl? She was very nice, and while he didn’t want to be seen in his pathetic state, he wanted to help her, she’s been nothing but kind and they don’t know enough about each other, other than their two interactions. “Oh, okay, I’ll send you my address then..?”

There was their usual awkward silence before the hang up, once the call ended, Tobio sent his address to Yachi, although he hoped she’d take a bit so he could somewhat clean up.

After their conversation, he felt as if he could move again, for the first time since he got home, he weakly got out of his bed, blood crusted to his skin as he pulled away from the mess and stood, while he was a bit shaken, he was able to move enough.

He took a messy step towards his dresser, wanting to change out of his bloody clothes. The process was a bit difficult, struggling to put on pants when he could barely even lift his feet up an inch, but he managed it, and that made him feel better, he didn’t know why but the very small task made him feel gooey and nice.

He turned towards his bed, looking at the mess that it was and scrunched his nose, he waddled towards the bathroom, every now and then having to grab the wall as he walked slowly, trying to keep himself from collapsing. 

~*~

After a long, long, effort to clean himself and his room up, Tobio felt like he wanted to cry, it still wasn’t good, he had lit about 3 candles in his room and he still felt like he could smell the disgusting scent of flowers and blood. He felt so childish, he wanted to whine and just lay down on the ground and have someone take care of him, but that was pathetic, he was so confused on all these feelings, he should’ve just died diediedie-

His thoughts were cut off by a gentle knock on the front door, he creeped towards the door, his feet sliding against the ground as he did so. He froze when he saw the wheelchair that’s been left there, his mind going through the outcomes of if he did or didn’t use it, before deciding to just slide into the chair. 

Tobio opened up the door, using the small motions in his feet to push himself back to welcome in the girl. Yachi stood there, her bag on one shoulder as she waved weakly, “Hello, Kageyama-san.. umm, sorry for the intrusion..” She stepped inside and slid her shoes off, taking in the sight of the boy in front of her. “Do you need help moving around? I’ll help..!” Tobio couldn’t help but smile weakly as the girl grabbed the handles of his wheelchair and pushed towards his living room.

“Thank you.. So.. over the phone you were saying some people were being mean, would you like to talk.. ..about it..?” Tobio was still a little awkward in his speaking, despite his efforts on the team, he didn’t have many full and well thought out conversations with anyone, and he didn’t hang out with anyone outside of the volleyball team, so his communication was a bit off. Luckily, she seemed to be fine with it, gently moving over to sit near him on the couch, “Well, thank you for the offer.. just regular middle school stuff I guess, people just being.. ..weird..” He watched as the girl gripped the sides of her arms in an almost protective way like he would do after themthemthem. 

Despite not being the best at communicating, that doesn’t mean he’s stupid, he just struggles, he can tell that something bad happened to Yachi, ‘It’s your fault too, you can see what she’s feeling on your wrist yet you’ve done nothing to help or check on her’  He did his best to ignore those thoughts, this is about Yachi, she helped him and he wants to help her, be a better soulmate for her. “Well I think those people are stupid! You’re very nice and stuff, you haven’t done anything wrong!” Yachi flushed deeply, taken aback by the louder tone of his voice, not having expected it.

“Thanks, that’s very nice of you to say.. umm, do you want to do something..? We can watch a movie together and just hang out..?” Tobio’s eyes widened cutely, he’s never had someone ask to hang out and just have fun before, he nods his head and weakly uses his feet to move closer to his television stand and grabs the remote. He moves back over to Yachi and uses his arms to help get himself onto the couch and hands the remote to her. “I haven’t watched many movies, so you can choose if you’d like.?”

The girl nods and nervously turns on the television, she turns on a random animated movie, more just trying to find an excuse to stay, which Tobio noticed, and he didn’t mind it.

~*~

Tobio was a bit panicked, he didn’t know if he should wake Yachi up or not, she had fallen asleep during the movie and while his first thought was to wake her, she seemed so saddened early and if he’s learned anything over the past three weeks, it’s that when he’s sad he just wants to sleep and keep the thoughts away. 

So he lets her rest, and he thinks them being platonic soulmates is helping him, in the way that he can move around much better, he’s able to lift his feet up properly and walks towards his parents room that hasn’t been used in years. He grabs the dusted blankets off their bed and carries them to the living room, he gently lays the blanket over the girl, he even tucks her in, the same way his Ojiisan would do for him when he had a sick day. 

Despite all the thoughts going through his head for the past three weeks, he wants to get closer to the girl, even if he feels like he might ruin her, he just wants to be selfish and keep the nice feeling around, he likes that he has the chance to be friends with her. Tobio just hopes he doesn’t mess it up, and he hopes she can tell that he wants to be a good platonic soulmate, even if his entire being is telling him to stop before he ruins her like everyone else.

He just hopes that whatever is out there can forgive him for being too weak to stop himself from wanting to care for her.

Chapter Text

Despite not having been able to finish off his last year of middle school actually at the school, Tobio would still say that it was a good ending, he had much better grades than his last two years and he could all chop that up to Hitoka.

She had been a real help during the final months of his third year, showing him proper ways to study and coming to his home after school so the two could either hang out or study, and he can confidently say that these past few months have probably been the best, despite the disease that is eating at him. Tobio and Hitoka have spent a lot of time getting to know each other, and they’re both good to have someone who can seemingly understand them better than the others they do or would hang around.

Hitoka was always patient with him and it was something he appreciated, she was a very kind and supportive girl and Tobio still couldn’t believe that she thought she wouldn’t be enough for a soulmate, he thinks that anyone who’d reject her is stupid, she’s so kind and caring it’s honestly idiotic to think of such of thing. Whenever Tobio ends up frozen, feeling as if he’s unable to move or if he just couldn’t find the energy to feel like he was worthy of being able to do anything, she is always by his side, sometimes by not even making him get up or encouraging him to do so. Hitoka was always able to just be there for him, and while Tobio himself may not believe it, he’s been there for her just as much, whenever she came to his home crying because someone was rude to her or just saddened by the fact that she’s alone so much, he was there to remind her how much he cared for her, that he wouldn’t be going anywhere.

They fit together perfectly, as for the current moment, Tobio was cooking and baking some food for when Hitoka finishes her last day, as Tobio had already sent in all his final works and had gone in for the test that needed to be taken in person. While he was finishing up making Ojingeo-bokkeum, he heard his front door open, he smiled softly before turning off the stove and moving the man to another burner, he walked to the front door and when him and Hitoka saw each other, the happily hugged each other, “Good job on your last day, Hitoka.. did it go well?” He pulled back to look down at her to which she smiled happily and moved so she could take off her shoes.

“It was good, mostly just doing nothing, but still! I’m glad it’s finally over. So what do you want to do over the summer?” She said as she moved into the home, walking into the living room and placing her bag on the coffee table, “Well, we could try going swimming? I’m sure it’d be fun?” Tobio didn’t really know what to suggest, he really just wanted to play a lot of volleyball but he knew that Hitoka wouldn’t want to see as last time he tried teaching her in his backyard, it ended with her just running away from the ball at every turn.

“That sounds good, and do you need any help with the outfit you’re crocheting? You usually always try to get me to model them for you..” Hitoka has also helped him a lot with stepping outside of his comfort zone, he still can’t believe that she’s done so much for him, he thinks that this is the most anyone’s ever cared for him and trying to involve him.

After they finished talking, they cleaned the house to get a good start to the summer, not wanting to worry about it later. Tobio went over to his room, grabbing the two of them some blankets before heading back to the living room where Hitoka had already set up a movie for the two of them to watch. 

Tobio and Hitoka cuddled up against one another, wrapping the blanket around the two of them as they enjoyed the touch of another person that they needed after spending so long without having someone close. As the movie played along, they fell asleep along with each other, just like always.

~*~

Now, Tobio did love Hitoka, and he trusted her more than anyone, and he knew the she cared about him as well, at least he hopes so, but he didn’t want to tell her that the flowers haven’t improved, he didn’t want her to worry or panic over the fact that he’s sick, so he just didn’t tell her.

Even if some days he really wanted to, like days when he’d wake up choking on rose buds as tears streamed down his face, on days where he wanted to go and find his soulmates and beg them to take him beg, beg for the reasons on why he was so awful so he could rip those parts away from himself. He couldn’t do that to her though, he didn’t want to unpack even more of his problems on her when he could see that she had her own problems, especially since he saw how bad it could get for her.

Days when she’d come to him with a dazed and broken look and ask him to do her nails, and whenever he’d look down at her hands, the tips of her fingers would be completely bloody, skin torn so badly that one time, he thought he felt bone. He didn’t want to add to that, he didn’t want to see even more of that light leave her eyes when she’s been nothing but kind. 

Even then, he’s told her enough to understand that what his soulmates did was wrong, even though it took a lot of convincing on Hitoka’s part, she had to grab him by his face as tears streamed down her own as she begged him to believe her when she said they were bad people, that they would’ve taken his life when there’s nothing he could’ve done to deserve it. Though it’s still so hard to believe her, the image in his mind of their smiles being melted away whenever he was near is still fresh in his mind, the way he destroyed them.  

He stood in front of his bathroom mirror, Hitoka was still sleeping in the living room, unaware of what Tobio was doing, he stared at himself, blood dried and chipped on his lips, flowers dancing along the edges of his mouth, he looked horrid, he looked pathetic.

He stared at himself as he began to cough, thinking about what his soulmates would do if they saw him the way he was looking at himself, would they be happy? He couldn’t decide himself if that’s what he wanted them to be, but at the same time, the thought of still being able to help them, to please them despite no longer being their actual soulmate, was so satisfying to him. He stared into his own eyes as begin to gag out flowers, the food he ate earlier following as well, he coughed and heaved, listening to the splatter of the disgusting mixture hit the sink as all he could think of was their faces. 

Would Oikawa be satisfied? Would he do that same smirk he always did towards him as he vomited out the flowers? Would Iwaizumi even look for himself or would he look knowing that he wouldn’t bother Oikawa anymore? Would Kindaichi be happy? Would he smile like he used to? Kunimi would probably care the least, he never seemed to care enough.

As Tobio continued to vomit into the sink, he collapsed to the ground, his body becoming too weak to hold himself up, he gripped onto the sink, feeling dizzy and overheated as he continued to heave, small sobs escaping him as he tried to stop throwing up, the pain being to much for even his self deprecating brain, his eyes cloud and he kneels over, tears falling down onto the ground and mixing with the blood, flower, and food mixture.

It takes about twenty minutes of intense pain for it to finally come to an end, he gasps weakly and stands on shaky legs, his knees burning from being pressed into vomit-covered flooring. He sniffled softly, before quickly looking out the bathroom door, making sure that Hitoka wasn’t awake, and after a few minutes, he was able to hear her breathing evenly. He sighed softly and grabbed some cleaning supplies, first starting with putting on gloves and scooping his vomit into a trash bag, trying not to throw up in disgust at the act of doing so.

Afterwards, he cleaned and sanitized before lighting a candle to make it smell better. Tobio walked timidly back to his spot on the couch, dropping himself next to Hitoka and leaning his head down on hers. He hates that he feels he can’t tell her, he hates that his mind is so conflicted and confusing, he wishes that she could’ve just have had someone better as a soulmate, or have just met her true soulmate first, not ending up with a crappy platonic one like him before her real one.

He hugged her tightly to himself, letting himself melt into a relaxed sleep, trying to imagine a world where he could’ve just been normal.

~*~

The summer had almost completely passed by, and Tobio felt odd, as much as he wanted to go to Shiratorizawa for his Ojiisan, but Hitoka said she had already taken the test to get into Karasuno, and he was so confused, he cared about both of them, but one of them was dead. He didn’t want that to mean he stopped caring about his Ojiisan, he hated that he had to choose.

Tobio didn’t want to choose, and while he thinks he should try, especially since he’s gotten smarter, he even ended the year with a 3.3 GPA when every year before it wasn’t even average! Though he was only able to get better because of Hitoka. ‘Would it be selfish of me to choose my Ojiisan over my soulmate? Didn’t you already do that? ’

He whined and curled deeper into his bed, hoping that she wasn’t looking at her wrist anytime soon, not wanting to include her in his mind’s screw ups again.

His luck was running low and he heard his phone vibrate, he picked it up and opened it up, seeing a message from Hitoka,

‘Are you okay? (◕︵◕) I can come over if you want?’

‘Sure ●︿●’

Tobio sighed and turned onto his back, he held up his wrist and looked at the word planted, ‘Nervous’, he sighed and rolled off his bed, feeling to lazy to get up, he just wished this would all be so much simpler, ‘Stupid freaking soulmates, making me have to think’ He grabbed his blanket off his bed and just curled up on the ground, trying to pretend that his mind just didn’t exist, that he didn’t have so many conflicting thoughts making him want to just stab out his brain.

He waited just laying on the ground until he eventually heard the knock on the door that he’s become so very familiar with.

He helped himself off the floor and walked to the front door, he took a second to compose himself, trying to get his face to relax, he didn’t need to look in a mirror to know he’s doing that stupid fucking face he always does, it be so much easier if he had a different face, if he wasn’t him, no wonder his soulmates wanted to kill such a selfish stupidevil king -

“Tobio? Are you okay in there? I can see your shadow..”

Tobio snapped out of his mind space and opened the door before Hitoka got worried, but he could already see that she saw something was wrong, he squeezed the door frame, opening his mouth to speak to her but he felt no air come out, he tried to breath in, but his breath was clogged, he whined deep in his throat as he desperately tried to breathe in air as he held his throat and stepped away from the door. Hitoka pushed herself in and helped Tobio to the ground, holding him gently and shutting the door, “Tobio?! Are you okay?! You’re still having flower problems! Why didn’t.. why didn’t you tell me…” 

He could see the worry in the girl’s eyes as she held him, trying her best to comfort him as he began to cough up flowers again, he felt tears swell in his eyes, knowing that nothing can stop the flowers coming.

“Shh.. it’s okay.. it’s all gonna be okay.. I-I’m not gonna let them hurt you… please.. you’re gonna be okay..” Whispers were sung into his ears as he cried softly, feeling even worse for not telling her when he could hear the cracks and chokes in her breath, the way she sounded as if she was holding herself back as she tried to hold him.

Even as Tobio was coughing up a whole rose, being able to recognize when he is now, he saw out of the corner of his eye that she began to stick her fingers in her mouth, her teeth digging into the skin. He watched as he moved his hands to grab onto hers, pulling them down into her lap, he coughed harder, looking down into both of their laps as he saw the petals of the rose.

Hitoka watched and she gently took her hands out of Tobio’s and gently grabbed onto the rose, pulling it out gently, she stared in horror at the whole rose, stem covered in his blood.

He gripped onto her skirt, squeezing it tightly as his lip shivered, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.. I never wanted to make you sad.. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry..”

He felt Hitoka wrap her arms back around him, hugging him as he sobbed into her stomach, feeling guilty for making her have that look. The same look that he made Iwaizumi have.

~*~

Tobio and Hitoka had moved to the couch, they were both looking down at their own laps before Tobio broke the silence, “I am sorry.. I trust you.. I promise, I just.. I don’t want to make you deal with my problems and I was scared if I was too overbearing you’d.. you’d reject me too..” He looked at her and found her eyes on him as well, “I don’t care.. okay..? I don’t care how many problems or how bad they are, I just wanna be there for you like you are for me..! I care about you so much and I just! I just care about you so much, not just because we’re platonic soulmates but because you’re so amazing! You’re really talented and you’ve always been so nice to me..!” He watched as Hitoka reached into her bag and pulled out two crochet cardigans, his eyes widened at the amount of effort and detail put into them.

They were both pink and cream color based but the bigger one, which was seemingly for him, had a little cat patches stitched in, he teared up at the sight, the fact that someone made these for HIM after so many years of having no one but his Ojiisan, it made him feel so much, “I-I made these for us.. a-and I don’t make stuff for people so easily! I spent a long time designing these for us so everyone knows that we’re best friends! I care about you and I want everyone to know that you’re loved by me!”

Tobio smiled weakly at her, tears rolling down slowly, “..thank you… I care about you two..” He leaned forward and hugged her, being mindful of the clothing between them, “..I love you so much too.. you’re my best friend… I’m sorry if I made you feel like I don’t view you as greater than…”

He pulled back and looked at her to which she responded with her own smile. They leaned into each other, knowing that even if there were forces opposing them, they had each other.

Chapter Text

In the end, Tobio chose to follow Hitoka, choosing to go to Karasuno, although a part of him was still torn, he wanted to be where his Ojiisan was, it felt dirty to abandon him. Although he knew he couldn’t leave her, she was the only one who knew him, he owed it to her.

But he felt happy, it’s been a long time since he’s just felt happy for a long period of time. No worries of flowers, soulmates, or anything, all he had to worry about was what he and Hitoka were gonna be doing to get ready for their next school year, other than that, everything was good.

Tobio and Hitoka were just looking online for clothes in her bedroom, sitting on her bed as they scrolled through clothing stores to wear over weekends and after school, wearing their watching cardigans that haven’t left either of their sides since she gifted Tobio his cardigan.

“How about this dress? It seems cute..” Tobio tried suggesting, although Hitoka seemed to hate everything he chose, “What! No..! I mean just, I can’t do that color!” She lifted up her arm and waved it in front of Tobio’s face, “The color doesn’t match my skin, meanie!”

Tobio just rolled his eyes and patted her head, going back to scrolling through the endlessness of clothes. After a long period of time, the two came to an agreement and Hitoka got two dresses and nothing else despite the rain of options, Tobio fell off the bed in exhaustion, happy to be down with the clothing.

“Did it seriously take that long to get a dress! You’re the mean one if anything, Hitoka!”  Tobio had a soft smile on his face as he and Hitoka argued and bickered for a good while. 

After finishing all their ordering of items, the duo went out to her kitchen to make themselves some food, although, surprisingly, Hitoka’s Mother was home, and she was clearly glaring at him.

Tobio looked forward awkwardly before looking over at Hitoka who seemed incredibly nervous, “M-Mom..! Hello, I didn’t realize that you’d be back so early..” Tobio gently rubbed his soulband to try and help comfort Hitoka, but it just seemed to make her more nervous once she felt it in her wrist. 

Madoka spoke towards him, seemingly avoiding her daughter’s words, “Why are you here? It’s late, shouldn’t you be home with your Mother and Father?” She said as she crossed her arms and gave him a stern look.

Tobio has never dealt with something like this before, the only friend’s house he’s been over to really is Hitoka, but he does know that he needs to be polite to all adults, as said by his Ojiisan. He bowed deeply to Madoka and apologized, “Yes, I’m sorry. I’ll be going now.” He then turned towards Hitoka and waved to her, “Bye Hitoka, I’ll talk to you another time..” He bowed one last time to his friend’s mom before going to the door and getting his shoes on and exiting.

As he was walking home, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for something he didn’t know about, but he can tell he made a problem because soon after he left, he could see the word ‘insecure’ written across his right wrist. 

Tobio might not know what it is he had done, but he still feels bad, but he knows he’d never understand much. He thinks back to when he was in elementary school and it’d only ever be his older sister or Ojiisan picking him up, never his mom or dad, although sometimes he can’t help but question if they’re even really real.

The most notable thing that’s around that lets him know they even exist is the money they send to him every two weeks, other than that, he hasn’t even heard their voices in years. He can’t decide if that was a good thing. 

There were so many things that they could’ve helped with and helped prevent that his Ojiisan couldn’t.

He pouted softly and arrived at his home, entering in and going to his room after kicking off his shoes, he just laid down and tried to ignore everything, trying to keep himself in a good and happy mindset, he didn’t want to be sad again.

Whenever he got sad, the flowers came back, the memories came back,   and he didn’t want to deal with the clean up and especially not the burn to his throat. Although it didn’t seem as if he could stop them, no matter how much he tried to run away, they always came stumbling back.

His breath hitches as he tries to stay calm, trying to think of Hitoka, and how unfair this is to her, how she’s already facing her own problems and she doesn’t need his added on top. While it’s a very wrong way to think of his own problems, it helps make him calm down to push down the thoughts for now, which is enough for him.

He sighs and lays back completely, he grabs the small cat plushie that Hitoka bought him and holds it close, he gazes around his room before drifting off to sleep, hoping for it to be a peaceful night.

~*~

Tobio had first met the boy in his first year of middle school, he was signing up for the volleyball team as well, although he never really knew him. 

They were just on the same team, nothing more, he was always too focused on Oikawa anyways.

During his second year though, he remembers the boy coming to him, a girl following behind him with a smile that he just couldn’t process.

Tobio watched and listened as they spoke and stared at him, not understanding much that was said by the two. But then the boy grabbed his arm, leading him away after practice was done, the girl following and waving goodbyes to the team.

Tobio didn’t know why he didn’t tell them that he wanted to practice more, he always did after practice ended, he had wanted to become someone that Oikawa-senpai would actually like.

Once lead away, he was standing in a bathroom with the girl staring at him, her mouth was moving but he couldn’t remember what was being said, not even during the moment had he been focused on her words, all he could think about was getting back to volleyball so he could practice more.

His face remained aloof, not focusing on much and just being in a permanent doe-eyed stare. Then the boy came back over, his teammate, Nanjo, he was a spiker, he was good, Tobio liked him. He played well.

One of his biggest problems that he would say is that he sometimes just doesn’t understand what’s happening, Tobio feels like sometimes things just happen and he’s just there. The only time he’s in full understanding is with volleyball.

He wished he paid more attention though, he wished he noticed the glare in the girl’s eyes, he wished he noticed the times during practices when eyes would be staring at him in ways that made him want to spit out his entire intestines.

Tobio only reacted once he felt hands on his shorts, he yelped and tried to move to make the hands stop, get off of him, but there were other hands holding him down.

He looked up at the two people looking at him and he felt dizzy, he felt as if he was just floating in a cloud of disintegrating, he might as well have been.

He didn’t understand what was happening, he remembers people trying to teach him stuff but he just couldn’t focus, he couldn’t understand it, and it’s never scared him more. Even in the moment, he didn’t understand anything.

He didn’t understand the laughter or the acid smell, he didn’t understand why his clothes were being taken from him, all he could think about was just going back to playing volleyball and how it’d make everything better.

The oblivious stare stayed on his face even as he felt himself being torn into two, even as he felt like his stomach was being scratched from the inside to the out. He felt something touch his lips, but he was too dazed to care, not wanting to focus on the touch, all he wanted was to go play.

Tobio partly remembers what happened after, he remembers just staying alone on the floor with his jacket being thrown over his small body, he remembers being told something along the lines of not telling or else, but he didn’t understand it even then.

He didn’t understand what he wasn’t supposed to tell, he just couldn’t understand no matter how hard he tried to just focus.

He really was stupid.

Stupid Tobio-Chan.

-

Tobio remembers that afterwards, everything of the event went kinda whirled, he had continued to go to practice and see the boy, even the girl sometimes because apparently they had a class or two together.

And to him, it felt as if nothing happened, even if he could still feel the ghostly touch, even if sometimes he felt as if the only thing he could focus on was down there, and it wasn’t nice, because he wanted his volleyball thoughts back.

He liked the fun, and it felt as if it was ruined.

Everything was ruined now, because in the end, Nanjo stood with the rest of his teammates on the backside of the court.

It made him wonder if his soulmates knew what happened and it contributed to what they saw in him.

~*~

Flowers surround his head in a bouquet once he wakes up.

They were all white.

Though Tobio knew one thing, and it’s that he was the furthest thing from pure.

~*~

The day before their first day of high school was here and Tobio and Hitoka were staying at his house, deciding that it’ll be easier for them to go in together. Neither of them were very excited though, Hitoka seemed quite nervous and he was just sickened, the last time he was in a school was his last match and it just left an off feeling in his stomach.

Tobio was sitting on his bed while she was keeping her face buried in his lap, listing off all possible things that could go wrong while chewing multiple pieces of gum to keep from biting her skin, “..or what if we trip in front of everyone at the beginning ceremony! We’d be casted out from everyone! They’d think that we’re too clumsy to even walk a straight line!” 

He gently played with her hair as she ranted over her worries, listing worries that he didn’t believe would happen, but listened nonetheless, she was stressed and just talking would help her calm all those nerves.

He kinda spaced out, thinking of his own worst scenarios, although there’s one that he knew would happen, everyone would know he was a king, that he was a selfish, greedy, and cruel soulmate. Although he knew that to some extent he deserved it, or at least he thought he did, he hurt his team badly, he knew he didn’t like it when Oikawa would insult him, so he knew that it hurt his teammates too. Even if they had done it right back as well.

Tobio still hoped he’d be allowed to join the team at Karasuno, that he’d be able to start anew, he didn’t want to be stuck facing the consequences forever. He looked down at Hitoka’s head, she’s helped him become better, although according to her he’s still very blunt, but he hopes he’s good enough to join, he hopes his sets can at least make up for how he is as a person. 

He grumbled softly and laid back against his bed, making Hitoka look up before just shrugging and laying next to him without question, still too stuck in her own head to focus on anything other than the self deprecating thoughts.

After a while, he felt Hitoka fall asleep, she always seemed to get more sleep than him, unlike other times though, he stayed just staring at the wall, not wanting to run into another issue of her waking and being concerned for him.

He let his eyes rest and fell asleep with a hand on his right wrist.

~*~

Tobio stood alone in front of the gym, entering to see if anyone was there and finding no one. The first day had passed quickly and easily, despite the thoughts the Hitoka had had, and the two had waved off so she could go home and he could sign up for the volleyball team. Throughout the day though, just like he had assumed, there were some people who had heard of what happened and were speaking of it.

He couldn’t help but flinch lightly every time he heard someone call him a ‘king’, reminding him of what had happened, the marks crossed out burning at the thought.

He ignored it though, trying to think that he could finally properly play the thing he loved again, that he could just be in that state of mind he was always in before his Ojiisan died. 

He decided to go ahead on in, seeing that some volleyballs were already out and he could practice a bit, to give them a reason to keep him around.

He started practicing his sets like he usually does, and he felt his heart race the first time he hit the ball, a small smile joining his face as he felt a soft sting to his hands. He gladly grabbed another ball and set it, watching as the ball flew. He felt so giddy.

After a few sets, and was about to start practicing his serving skills when he was faced with an aggravatingly loud voice. The ball in the air fell before he could hit it as he looked back at the boy, 

“W-What are YOU doing here..?!” The orange haired boy in front of him looked so shaky, and Tobio couldn’t tell if it was from fear or shock. Although he couldn’t deny the way his heart raced at the sight of the boy, the idea that the small orange boy that had an incredible speed and jump could’ve gotten better in the last time since he’s seen him made his volleyball heart burst. 

Tobio stared at the boy, that once constant doe-eyed look he used to have returning as the shorter one began rambling. He took a few steps towards the boy, remembering what Hitoka said about him needing to control his tone and volume when speaking so he decided it’d be easier to do if closer to the boy.

He was confused though as he saw the boy begin to pale as he walked closer, he brushed it off though, “You.” The short orange haired boy looked as if he was about to faint, “Have you improved any in the last months?”

The orange haired boy blinked before bursting out, “H-Huh..?! Seriously..! That’s what you have to say! How am I gonna beat you when you’re so, ARGHHH!”

The way the boy in front of him was acting reminded him of the way Hitoka acted during the time they got slushies together once and the girl cashier called her ‘darling’. It confused him, he was trying his best to speak gently and not too loudly, so he tried again, “Your skills last time were weak,” he watched as the boy flinched back, “..but you had very good speed and jumping skills, I wish to know if you’ve put those skills to good use?”

The boy gulped, Tobio hoped he wasn’t being too rude, after spending much time with his platonic soulmate, he realized how rude the stuff he said to the boy was during the first time meeting him, he was just intrigued.

He would never get to know the answer as he was interrupted by three guys walking in, and by they looked, they seemed to be members of the volleyball team, he stepped back and when seeing that the orange head boy didn’t, he grabbed him and pulled him back to stand next to him, not noticing the looks from the three boys.

“HUH?! Who are you two! Why are you in the gym-“ Tobio watched in confusion as the bald one was pushed by the seemingly older boy with gray hair, hearing a stern whisper to the boy over something of ‘being respectful’.

Luckily though for the two it seems, the boy, ‘man?’ with brown hair took over, “Hello! I assume you two are here to try out for the volleyball team?” Tobio watched with joy as the orange head cheerfully answered, “Yeah! I am Hinata Shouyo and I’m gonna be the ace!” He hopes the confidence is able to reflect his skills.

The boy-man smiled knowingly at the boy Hinata before Tobio felt eyes of the three in front of him turn to him, he could feel judgment in their stares, while he doesn’t often understand things, judgment was the one thing he was able to recognize. He moved a hand and covered his left wrist, hoping to block it to start on good impressions, “Me too, I’m Kageyama Tobio and I play as a setter.”

He was trying to be respectful, remembering what happened last time he was a first-year setter and one of his senpai’s was as well, wanting to show that he was stern and wanted the role as setter, but not too much as to show selfishness.

Luckily, he seemed to have done a good job as the one with gray hair put on a smile, why can he not see how off it is? “Hmm, yes.. We’ve seen your matches before, you’re a very talented setter! As the main setter of the team currently, I’m excited to see your skills.”

Tobio's eyes swelled and his cheeks flushed softly, gaining a small bit of confusion from the gray-haired boy.

Although the Hinata boy started opening his mouth again, “Hey..! Why are you acting so weird! Last time you were all GRR and WAHH!” The bald boy seemed to grin in agreement, but thankfully, that’s another thing Hitoka explained, that sometimes those types of seemingly rude looks just aren’t, he thought about how much she’s helped him, thinking of a sweet treat he could make her in appreciation.

The bald one, Tanaka-senpai it seems, and Hinata were getting along well, they seemed to have the same amount of odd energy. Tobio blinked softly before turning back to the other two, the brown haired boy stuck out his hand for him to shake, to which he gladly did, “Sorry about him, I’m Sawamura Daichi, I’m the captain of the volleyball team,” He then shrugged over to the gray boy, “This is Sugawara, he’s the vice captain.”

Tobio nodded happily, everything seemed to be going well! Even better than the time when he first introduced himself at Kitagawa Daiichi. Especially since the vice captain was also a setter, it shows he has a chance to not screw up like he did last time.

Before he could get a word in though, the vice principal, Tobio, remembers from the welcoming ceremony, and he watched as the two went over to go talk to him, Tanaka eventually dragging himself along. 

He turned back over to Hinata who was looking up at him with determination, “So, have you improved?” He asked again, they were playing a sport, so it still felt appropriate to ask, the boy blushes and nods, “Yes! And I’m gonna get even better to beat YOU!”

He thought over what the boy said to him last time they met, he quite enjoyed the commitment he had put in, still though, “How are you going to beat me? We’re on the same team now.” 

While they were speaking to one another, they were pushed out of the building by Sugawara-senpai, “Sorry! We have to talk to the vice-principal, tryouts will begin tomorrow!” And then the door was slammed shut, Tobio stared forward before turning, already okay with being on his way home when his arm was grabbed.

“Hey! Let’s practice! You serve, I receive! I’ll show you how much I’ve improved!”

Tobio couldn’t help himself when he agreed, it’s been so long since he’s actually been able to play with another person, especially a person who seemed to have so much passion.

“Fine, but you better have improved, you have too much to just waste it all away.”

~*~

Tobio returned to his own home, removing his shoes, feeling tired from having to do so many serves and having to correct so much. 

While Hinata showed some improvements, ones that he could definitely recognize, he still lacked a lot, but he hoped that his talent could soon be turned into an actual advantage.

He walked into the kitchen where he saw Hitoka sitting with a cake. At first he was happy to see her, especially since she had brought a cake, but he was deflated once he saw her scared face.

She looked up at him and nervously called out to him,

“Tobio, I met your soulmates.”

Chapter Text

Anger was always easy for Akira to fall back on, when he felt low and clueless on something, anger was always the easiest. It was for a lot of people, nearly all of his soulmates did the same thing, except only one faced the consequences for it.

That’s what happened with King, despite not having any hate towards him, even to the point that sometimes he felt he might love King a little more than his other soulmates, it was easy to just be angry at him when he knew that the problem would’ve easily been solved if he wasn’t clueless and thought for one more second.

~*~

Akira adored Kageyama when he first met him, he was the smallest of the five of them and always looked like a bunny, just big eyes that were oblivious to what was around him with sparkles. Despite that, he thought it was adorable. Even if it came with its own problems, such as Tooru not liking the smaller one as much as his other soulmates, he always loved it.

‘It’s my fault it’s gone, I know it is. I’m just as bad’

Kageyama followed them all around and it was his favorite thing, especially since the smaller one was so easy to just do what was asked of him, which often ended with the doe-eyes boy becoming a pillow for him to use when too tired to do much. 

Akira loves all his soulmates but something about Kageyama attracted him deeply, something wanted more than he knew he should take, and that made him confused and scared, he felt wrong to hold Kageyama higher when his other soulmates were incredible as well.

So he did what he thought would help, while he still stayed around Kageyama and spoke to him, he tried to stay distant, making sure he held them all to a similar level, and if that meant sometimes treating Kageyama with low interest, it would be worth it, because in the end everyone would have the same love.

He just wished he knew the others were doing the same thing to Kageyama.

~*~

Akira and Yuutarou were a bit confused when they saw Nanjo lead Kageyama away with his soulmate, some girl named Lily, but they paid no mind. He gave his bare minimum of helping the clean up process before he and Yuutarou left together, like everyday, they would walk to each other’s houses on each day and just embrace each other.

It was one of his favorite times of the day, it made him happy, but they never invited Kageyama, it’d be nice to have him over at one of their houses at least once, he turned and looked at Yuu, “Hey, want me to invite Kageyama this time?” He asked in a slightly more upbeat voice, Yuutarou smiled happily at him, it's clear both of them wanted to spend more time with the setter, “Sure, Aki! I’ll just wait at a bench, you sure you can find him on your own?”

Akira nodded and gave Yuu a small kiss before leaving back to the school to find Kageyama, it’d be nice to kiss him once as well, he has never before.

Once he got back, he first looked in the gym, surprisingly not seeing Kageyama there, he pouted and sighed in slight annoyance, he really didn’t want to put in more energy than necessary to do this task.

He wandered around the halls for a few minutes, he was already too tired for this, he just wanted to go home at this point, he could ask Kageyama another time. But he heard a small, soft hiccup, he perked up, immediately recognizing the soft noise as that of Kageyama’s.

A small smile twitched against his lips as he followed to where he heard the delicate noise.

He wishes he just went home with Yuu, his soulmate.

Akira was led to a bathroom, he thought that Kageyama could’ve possibly gotten sick, it’d explain the noises, but when he moved to slightly open the door, he froze.

The sight scared him more than anything.

Kageyama’s small body violently shook and small, weak hiccups and whimpers left his mouth as he was pinned down. And what Akira didn’t even want to think, he didn’t want to even say the words in his head, not when the image of his small body moving from the force of a boy was enough to make him want to tear off his face.

He was so angry and scared, how dare these monsters put their filthy hands on HIS soulmate, on small Kageyama who still had that bunny look on his face as he was being hurt in a way that his body couldn’t handle.

Akira wanted to move so badly, he wanted to just leap into the bathroom and beat the two freaks off Kageyama, he wanted to make sure that they suffered, but he didn’t. Even as the sounds of scared whines filled his ears and the sight of Kageyama’s small body convulsing due to being subjected to things it wasn’t ready for, did he move.

How could he, so with one last horrified and disgusted look towards the two creatures, he stepped back and walked out. 

Once he reached Yuutarou, the boy tried to ask about Kageyama but he just grabbed the taller boy’s hand and pulled him towards his own home, wanting to curl up in his bed and have his soulmate hold him until he fell asleep and hopefully the images would go away.

Akira didn’t think he was doing anything wrong though, he could report it to their couch the next day and everything would be okay, Nanjo and Lily would be gone and Akira and their other soulmates could take care of Kageyama, he could get a bit of extra love until he felt better.

To him, it was a good plan, one where Kageyama was able to look up at them all with adoring eyes and pouty lips.

‘He’s gone, my soulmate, he’s gone, it’s my fault. Why won’t he just smile at me one more time? I want the little bunny boy back!’

~*~

Akira ended up not saying anything, how could he though, Kageyama seemed fine anyways. He came to practice the next day and acted as usual, no one saw anything wrong, ‘He wouldn’t stop shaking’ Everything was going to be okay.

But it wasn’t, every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was a small boy who looked so scared, it made him feel like he was going crazy, things that didn’t even happen, or he at least didn’t see, were being shown.

He felt so sick some nights, he woke up wanting to vomit and incredibly guilty, and it confused him so much. Why couldn’t the thoughts just go away, why no matter how tightly he and Yuutarou squeezed each other at night did his thoughts leave him alone.

It went from confusion to anger when the next year, Kageyama ignored them right back. It was rude and just complete dick behavior!

The only times he ever opened his mouth was to yell about how they did something wrong. It was fucking rude! And he knew that Kageyama knew how tired he got sometimes, how dare he push him when he felt like he was about to pass out because he couldn’t sleep without seeing those things.

It made him so angry, so yeah, he said a few things, he joined in on the shit talking of King that the past two years he avoided, he was angry. He didn’t bother to see the shivering in the boy’s body, he didn’t bother to see the scratches running down the boy’s arm in an almost cartoonish wound matter.

If he noticed them, would they become thoughts too?

~*~

Akira regretted what they did the second it happened, and not because they did it, but because he was on their side.

That monster has no fucking right, King did nothing to him, and he’s standing with him and Yuutarou like what happened with him was similar in any way?

Fat chance.

Akira was given an alternative though, to reject King, even while he’s told by teachers and his parents not to, what’s the harm. Sure, he’ll be without his soulmates, but it seems as if it’s the better option, he clearly doesn’t fit well with him and Yuutarou. And if anything, it’s been obvious that Hajime and Tooru have been wanting to reject King for the longest time.

Everything would be okay, he wouldn’t have to worry anymore, he wouldn’t have to spend nights trying not to vomit, he could just relax and cuddle with Yuutarou and his other two soulmates.

King could find other people, ‘no! He isn’t allowed to! He’s MY soulmate!’ Everything is better this way.

So even as he watched any last bit of the Kageyama he once knew he knew nothing disappear, he told himself this was what was best.

~*~

A few days had passed, and both him and Yuutarou had decided to skip school that day, just basking in each other. They had fallen asleep in each other’s arms not too far away from the end of the school day and they were planning on calling their other two soulmates.

They slept through a lot, one of those things being  apparently a message that was sent by King because they had woken up to the blaring noise of Yuutarou’s phone. Akira groaned loudly and hit Yuu on the side of his head, “Oi, answer your phone.. tryna sleep…”

He grumbled softly, laying back against Yuutarou’s bed, falling into a light sleep before he heard Hajime yelling, even through Yuutarou’s phone. He sat up immediately, concerned on why one of his soulmates sounded almost horrified.

“Haji? You good? What happened-“ Yuu was cut off by a loud yell, making both him and Yuutarou flinch back at the noise, “What fucking happened?! Fuck you both! What did you guys DO?! If Tobio is fucking dead I’m gonna-“

Akira blacked out at that, wondering what he meant, and the only thing, or person, that came to his mind was Nanjo. Has that freak hurt Kageyama? Akira wouldn’t put it against that weirdo, he saw what he could do and he could’ve possibly killed Kageyama, his lip began to quiver as his mind filled with images of sadistic imagery that Nanjo could’ve possibly done.

“-rejecting him! Do you two know how SERIOUSLY terrible that is?! He’s probably already dead because of your guys’ lack of attention and utter stupidity! How is any of that okay-“

“What?”

Now Akira was just confused, how would rejecting King kill him? That just sounds stupid, besides, wouldn’t a lot of people be dead then? It’s so easy to just say, ‘I’m rejecting you’ or some bullshit along those lines.

Now he feels less concerned and more irritated, King is probably just overthinking some dumb thing and is now getting Hajime all worked, it’s all so stupid and selfish. And it looks like Yuutarou has the same idea.

“Are YOU being serious? King isn’t going to die because we aren’t his soulmates anymore, besides it’s good for us all-“ Yuutarou got cut off again by Hajime, it was really starting to get on Akira’s nerves. “Fuck you! We’re SOULmates, we’re quite literally one of another, and you fucking dumbass practically TORE his soul. Obviously that fucking hurts him!? Do you two ass wipes know what god damn Hanahaki Disease is?!”

Him and Yuutarou heard some movement and what sounded like a small whimper of pain from Tooru, “Look it up, me and Shittykawa are coming over!”

This was stupid, it isn’t fair that Hajime is yelling at him and Yuutarou and Tooru too apparently.

He groaned, annoyed and grabbed his phone, he began looking up what it was, it couldn’t be anything really bad.

But when Hajime and Tooru arrived, he and Yuutarou accepted the yelling they were faced with, the images of bloody flowers and lungs pierced with vines and stems was all they could think about.

It really is his fault, not only did he just watch as Kageyama was raped but he killed him, he knows he did.

~*~

Akira and Yuutarou had just finished up their first day at Aoba Johsai, both of them were hoping that Kageyama would be there, even Hajime and Oikawa had confirmed that Kageyama got an acceptance letter, that he should be coming.

At first, when they didn’t see him in any classes, they were worried, but he always was a bit dumb, so it was okay.

Volleyball practice should’ve been the guaranteed of seeing Kageyama though, but as Akira watched the door to the new gym yet to open and to see Kageyama, nothing came. 

Oikawa seemed to be taking it the hardest when he didn’t see Kageyama, even as he was introducing them to all their new teammates and explaining stuff to them, he was mentioning ‘Tobio-Chan’ every ten seconds, and he’d find it amusing if he wasn’t genuinely frustrated and worried.

Then the day ended, and Hajime’s teeth were grinding so hard that it felt like it filled the whole gym.

As everyone left, he and his two soulmates followed after Hajime as he walked to his house, it’s clear they were all incredibly worried, and in Hajime’s case, completely angry.

What made him feel even worse is that he hasn’t told any of them what he saw, what he let happen, and it felt as if it was creeping up his body. He was just so scared.

Him and Yuutarou sat on Hajime’s bed while Oikawa and Hajime were discussing something about talking to the coach about Kageyama. He didn’t see how that could help though, he just wanted to forget everything for a bit.

Luckily, Hajime seemed to be frustrated with his own anger and wanted some peace as well, “Hey.. do you all wanna go get some food from the store? That way we can just warm some shit up?”

They all nodded and got ready to go back out, Akira smiled softly when he saw Oikawa's and Hajime’s hands slide into one another’s, it showed that despite the anger that Hajime may feel, he still loved them.

~*~

Akira was busy looking at some desserts, trying to decide if he should get a cake or just some cookies, as he was doing so, he couldn’t help but feel someone’s eyes glaring at him. He lifted his head slightly to give a small look around but he immediately was locked to a short blonde girl with wide, complicated eyes staring into his eyes.

He squirmed softly before going back to his cake and cookie dilemma, deciding that the girl was just acting like that because of something else. It was right seeing as he was able to finish deciding on just getting some blue cupcakes and walked back over to his soulmates, where Oikawa and Yuutarou seemed to be bickering on what type of noodles to get.

He let out a faint laugh before placing the cupcakes into the basket that Hajime was carrying. He felt Hajime’s head lean against him slightly and he cracked a small smile again, happy to feel Hajime near him.

After the four finished buying their items, they walked out, happier than they were when they left Hajime’s house, it felt good, they could focus on where Kageyama went tomorrow, when they were happier in the slim case they did find him, so they weren’t just filled with resentment and frustration.

Although it paused when he saw that girl again, a look that was angry plastered everywhere from the way she stood to the way she breathed. “You.. you guys were Tobio’s soulmates..?”

That caused everything to pause, Akira was confused, how could she know that? Why would she know that? But when his eyes slightly trailed down to the girl’s wrist, he saw a blue band. A blue that looked nearly identical to that of his old uniform, he gulped realizing who this girl probably was.

“Uhh, yeah? Why do you ask?” Oikawa said in an uncharacteristic way, like he already knew what would happen. That answer just seemed to aggravate the blonde, Akira watched as she gripped her bag and was looking as if she was preparing for something, for which she was, “How could you?! Why would you do that to him! He’s never done anything wrong and you guys, urgh!”

Akira was only slightly taken back, the girl seemed to be stumbling over her words but they were still enough to anger Yuutarou, “WHAT! What do you know?! He’s an asshole!” He napped his dumb best friend in the gut, annoyed that he was acting in such a disgusting manner. “Oh, I don’t know anything?! I’m his goddamn platonic soulmate! I know more than you’ll ever know you god damn murder!”

Yuutarou gritted his teeth, luckily though, or at least he hoped so, Hajime took over, “You are? How is he? Where is he?” 

“Why do you wanna know?! It’s not your business what Tobio is up to! He’s better off away from you guys forever! You guys are terrible people!”

Hajime grimaced, trying to ignore the tame yet hurtful words, “Please, just tell me he’s okay, I know he’s probably hurt-“

“OF COURSE YOU KNOW! You guys are the ones who did it! And guess what, I had to deal with what happened afterwards!”

Akira froze, so it was true, he had hoped to everything that Kageyama at least didn’t get Hanahaki disease, the thought had scared him, because he knew how he'd looked with pain itched over his features, and it wasn’t fair. “Please no.. I’m really s-sorry, okay?  I.. I love him.. please tell me he isn’t too hurt..”

The girl had tears of frustration in her eyes, he could tell, it’s clear she was angry her words were so simple, and he wished they weren’t. He wished that she could tell him how much he failed, how he killed Kageyama inside and out, how it’s all his fault alone. 

“You don’t love him.. you don’t hurt people you live like THAT.. you guys are.. you-“ Tears fell out of her eyes and it made them all feel scared, was she crying because Kageyama was gone? Oikawa began shaking his head, not wanting to believe the idea, “Please just.. tell us what happened, tell us he’s still okay.. I can’t lose Tobio-Chan.. not after..”

The girl sobbed, seeming more afraid than angry now, all five of them could only thank their lucky stars that not that many people were out. “I-It scared me.. t-the bond got forced and when I saw him.. he was practically dead ! The flowers smelled so sweet but he seemed like he was rotting.. he’s better but..”

Akira yelped as he watched Hajime collapse, “Thank you… thank you.. he’s alive, that’s all that matters.. he is still alive.. I’m sorry..”

The girl with blonde hair calmed a bit before going to a cool, blank stare, a small gulp as she mustered her courage, “Just leave him alone please.. I don’t like seeing him hurt.. he was.. I want him to live good before he dies..”

Akira couldn’t stop the tears.

He fucked up.

Chapter Text

Tobio held Hitoka gently as she cried softly into his shoulder, he was just glad nothing happened to her though. While he didn’t think any of his ex-soulmates would hurt her physically, it didn’t mean they wouldn’t hurt her and she didn’t deserve that, she’s sweet.

“It’s okay.. I’m not mad, I’m just glad you’re okay..”

She shook her head as she clinged to her arms, “No.. it isn’t okay..! I shouldn’t have talked to them- it was stupid! Selfish! And I told them stuff about you even if it was just a little..! It was wrong but I had just got so angry and..” He understood that feeling all too well, being so angry you do stuff without thinking. 

He wiped away her tears as she cried guilty, he hated seeing her so sad, she didn’t deserve such pain. “No, you were trying to help me.. if I found out your soulmate rejected you, I’d probably yell at them every chance I got!” He said, trying to add some humor like she would always try, but he must admit he isn’t very good at it.

He rocked with her gently in his arms, wanting her to relax before remembering something, “Do you remember that one orange head I told you about? The one that was very fast?” Hitoka lifted her head and looked at him confused, before thinking for a second, “Umm.. yeah..? Why?”

He smiled softly and patted her head, “Apparently, he’s also trying to join the volleyball team at Karasuno.. He was very odd, I think you’d like him..” Her sniffling paused, she looked up at him unamused and grabbed a small piece of the cake and shoved it into his mouth, “Shush! You’re odd.”

Tobio tried to reply but was muffled by the cake in his mouth, it was tasty so he’d let this pass. He grinned at her and handed her the forks that she had originally gotten out.

They ate their cake together as he explained what happened at the volleyball sign-up, as well as explaining how Hinata's skills could be used.

~*~

This volleyball team was very odd, they were very different from Kitagawa, especially Sugawara. He tried his best to be polite though, not wanting to make a repeat of what happened before, especially since there was a constant reminder with the Tsukishima guy always calling him that nickname.

While before it hadn’t bothered him much, seeing as he had bigger issues with the fact of always smelling sickly of flowers, but now it does. He can’t say it’s a bad thing though, any time he feels he’s about to lash out at Hinata for just being so stupid, there’s that stupid tall blonde and his shitty mouth that won’t close.

Speaking of Hinata, the boy was clumsy, most of the time he was clueless, he has little skills when it comes to the position he wants to play, and he’s incredibly loud. He enjoys that last part, although he can tell that Hinata is very talented, and definitely has the determination. He’s never had someone that’s been able to match him as well as Hinata when it came to energy and volleyball, even just two weeks into being in the new team, Hinata has been so willing to do extra practice, a lot of the time even suggesting it!

It was as if Tobio’s dreams and fantasies turned real in the creation of a short teenage boy, and he loved it. To make matters even better, Hitoka had been working on more of her little art projects and was spending time in her room to catch up on all of them seeing as school starting up has taken up her time, so he didn’t have to worry about not hanging out with her enough.

Not only that, but his senpai, who he was so very sure was gonna hate every part of him, was so nice! While Sugawara-senpai looked at him weirdly at first, he pushed it aside eventually and his senpai was always so nice, he would even give him pointers in a way that wasn’t a direct insult or a way to humiliate him.

It made him feel gooey inside, his only complaint about it all is that the flowers, which had been slow for a bit with the help of Hitoka, had seemed to try to jump out any time he was near Hinata, the reasoning being unknown to him.

Tobio didn’t mind though, he would deal with it if it meant he could continue with the very odd team that seemed very passive-aggressive, but in a way that he could match with, a way he could understand. He’d say the biggest problem is having a reasoning to the wrappings around his left wrist, while he felt indifference about the situation, he still didn’t want anyone to see the large scratches his body made over the soulmark, it made him feel ashamed of himself, and he didn’t think he deserved that.

After the practice ended, everyone was helping clean up, well most people, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima seemed more inclined to be talking to each other about random stuff.

He always thought it was pretty obvious the two were soulmates, they acted similar to how Oikawa and Iwaizumi acted with each other, two people who perfectly slid together. Though he guessed it was only obvious to him seeing as Tanaka-senpai had to ask, “Ayyy! Four-eyes, why you so up and calm around Yama here?”

Tobio squirmed uncomfortably, already knowing where the conversation was headed, and while he could tolerate Hitoka and her talking about soulmates and her wondering, he really didn’t want to hear about someone else’s soulmate, call him selfish but he just didn’t want to.

Tsukishima seemed to just glare at Tanaka with annoyance before Yamaguchi nervously responded, although he already knew what was gonna be said, “Uhh.. probably cause we’re.. you know, soulmates..?” Yamaguchi seemed to be a bit standoff-ish, but Tobio could see Tsukishima’s hand slide towards Yamaguchi’s side, he took it as that’s where the soulmark was for them.

He felt envious thinking of his, especially the one so blankly on his wrist that he had to look at it everyday without fail. He must’ve had a sour look on his face seeing as Hinata was giving him a side glance that he shot back with throwing the volleyball he was holding at the shorter.

Unluckily, in his mind, that small interaction seemed to make them ALL want to be talking about soulmates, so he tried to just distract  himself with finishing more of the basic cleaning, knowing that he and Hinata were, hopefully, still gonna be doing extra practice.

“HEYY! Hinata, you know your soulmate, hah?

“Is it a pretty girl!” Tobio looked over at the orange head and for a second, he thought he saw a glimpse of detachment but it was quickly replaced by the Hinata that he’s seen the past weeks.

Hinata gives a cheeky smile before responding to their bald senpai, “Nope! Haven’t met them yet! Can’t wait though!” 

He sighs, trying his best to pull himself away from the conversation but was pulled in anyways, “What about you? Ya met yours yet? I’ve seen you arrive at school with that little blonde before!” Tanaka says with a slightly smug look, and while he knows he has no ill intent, it still doesn’t mean he isn’t nerve ridden.

He gulped quietly before responding, “Uhh, no. That girl is not my soulmate.. I.. I haven’t met mine yet..” Tanaka patted him on the back and gave him some encouragement, something along the lines of meeting them later in life although he was more focused on Hinata’s odd look at him.

Eventually everyone moves on from the conversation and heads out, leaving Hinata alone with him, he grabs a ball and turns to the shorter boy who has that look on his face again. “Something wrong? If not, let’s get to practice, put those legs of yours to good use!” That seemed to knock him out of whatever trance he was in and he took the ball and tossed it up for Tobio.

While they both acted generically the same, Tobio could feel the air being a bit off, and it reminded him of certain situations and scenarios that he hoped weren’t going to repeat. Especially not with Hinata, despite knowing the boy for a short period of time minus their first meeting, he enjoyed the boy’s company, despite how loud he was.

So they did what they always do and practiced and practiced, and after a few hours, it was beginning to get too late so they cleaned up like good first years and made sure it was locked before beginning the walk home.

Tobio noticed though that Hinata wasn’t talking as much, he thought back to the look Hinata had during the conversation early about soulmates, maybe he was rejected too?

“Hey, Stupidyama! Can I come over! I can text my mom real quick!” Tobio gave a side glance to the now energetic boy and groaned a bit bitterly, he was looking forward to going home alone seeing as Hitoka is busy and was gonna just bury himself in cleaning, but he supposes it couldn’t be that bad. “Fine, don’t mess anything up though.”

Hinata gave an excited cheer before flipping his phone and texting his mom, he just sighed and began leading the two of them to his empty home.

The rest of the trip was quiet, which he guesses he appreciated so he doesn’t have to worry about not having energy to focus on his lungs, not really in the mood to vomit flowers up.

Tobio unlocked the door to his home and let Hinata in, “Sorry for the intrusion..” He said into the air as he took off his shoes, although Tobio knew it was pointless since he was the only one here.

He led Hinata to his couch, going and grabbing some leftover homemade drinks he made the other day. He brought them back and found Hinata staring at him with an oh so familiar look. He guessed he really did mean it when he said that Hitoka and Hinata both acted very similarly.

“umm, are you good? You, uhh, you seem odd..” It looks like Hinata is about to say something but Tobio just continues talking, not wanting to say something wrong by accident and not get the full thing out, “Is it about the soulmate questions? It’s okay if you haven’t found your soulmates..!”

Tobio tried to push down his own worries about soulmates, although he rubbed his right wrist to try and help calm himself, knowing that at least he has his platonic soulmate. 

Hinata’s face changes from his previous look to a new appearance, one that he’s seen before but not to the extent of what it is currently, “..promise you won’t laugh..?” 

He was taken aback by the odd tone, he’s never heard this tone from Hinata before, or really anyone, while he definitely knows and understands things more now, he’s still clueless to most things. Tobio nods anyway, not wanting to seem rude to his friend, “Yeah? Obviously.. I’m not a total ass!”

Tobio watched as Hinata fidgeted with his fingers, clearly nervous and it was just so odd, Hinata was usually just a bundle of energy, he reminded Tobio of a dog that let him pet them. It worried him, luckily though, Hinata had built up enough courage inside of himself to say what he need to say,

“I don’t.. have any soulmates..”

Oh.

That’s.. Huh.

Tobio never knew a person could just not have soulmates.

Hinata seemed to panic at his silence though before going into a rant that Tobio couldn’t help but feel at home with.

“Shit..! I just.. umm.. it’s not cause of anything bad.!! The doctor just said that I just don’t have one.. like I’m a.. a completely new person or something..! I just.. umm.. uhh-“

Tobio gently put his hand on Hinata’s hair, the orange haired boy looked up at him with small tears pricking his eyes. Tobio awkwardly brought his hand up and down to pat the boy’s hair, he kinda reminded him of a volleyball.

“You’re.. you’re fine.. soulmates, uhh, don’t define you..?” Tobio knew his words were awkward, especially since he’s just repeating what he’s heard from people who have been a comfort to him, which is only three people at most.

Hinata just looked up at him with a confused stare, Tobio squirmed, trying to think of something to say that’s helpful, “proud of you..? For telling..?” The orange-haired boy raised an eyebrow before laughing.

Tobio flushed, feeling a bit silly for not knowing what was right to say, but the other boy was smiling, so he took that as a good sign. 

Between his laughs, Hinata looked at him with a cheeky smile, “Haa, you’re really dumb, aren’t you?”

Tobio glared at the boy and used his hand that was in the boy’s hair to pull it, “I am NOT! You’re the stupid one! You can barely receive a ball being LIGHTLY thrown towards you!”

Hinata glared up at him and grabbed his hair back, the two tumbled around for a bit, spitting insults but neither seemed to be too serious, although Tobio did mean some of the stuff, but there was a smile on their faces, even if they looked more like smirks.

It eventually ended once they both tripped over the coffee table and went tumbling to the ground, finally letting go of each other, Tobio breathed a bit harder than the other, his lungs having more problems than they used to.

He looked over at Hinata and saw he was back to a more lazed expression, he turned his head and looked into his own blue eyes. 

Hinata then turned his gaze down to his left wrist, “You.. You lied earlier..”

Tobio’s right hand shot to his wrist, trying to feel if the wrapping had come undone but no, it was there. He sat up in a panic and Hinata followed.

He didn’t want anyone to know, they would know how terrible he is, only selfish and awful people like him don’t get soulmates, he did something so terrible and he didn’t want people to be scared, because then he would be scared.

Tobio’s eyes were shaking, he hated being so vulnerable, “How do you know..! Did someone tell you.. did you see anything, I-“

“The match, the one we played against each other.. you had a carousel on your wrist, I saw it whenever you’d set..”

Tobio’s lip quivers, feeling like his safe area has been invaded, he doesn’t need anyone worrying about his soulmates from how much he had to hurt them for them to go so far as to do what they did to him, “It’s.. I’m sorry…”

He took a big gulp, sliding himself away from Hinata, “I wasn’t trying to hurt them.. please don’t be mad, I-I loved them..”

His teary eyes looked down, not noticing how worried Hinata looked, “..My four soulmates rejected me because I was bad but I’m.. I’m trying to get better.. I want to be better..” He tried hard to push back his tears, he was so tired of crying all the time, he hated it.

Tobio felt two arms wrap around him kinda awkwardly and he sniffled and looked up and saw Hinata holding him, he didn’t deserve this, not from someone as nice as Hinata, not someone as caring as Hitoka, not his Ojiisan who’s nothing but supportive, he didn’t deserve it. He should just let the flowers choke him.

“How is you getting REJECTED your fault? Seems to me your soulmates are immature assholes..”

“..you’re immature..”

Hinata glared at him and hit him softly on the head, making Tobio grumble softly and flick him back, “my soulmates aren’t assholes.. just one of them is..”

Hinata snorted and cackled at that, he gave him a saddened smile and stood up, offering his hand to Tobio, “Welp, so I was partially right, I got a 25%, sounds like a passing to me!”

Tobio was gonna say something but he knew damn well his grades used to be almost just like that, thank you Hitoka.

Tobio smiled weakly at Hinata, appreciating the boy’s more positive attitude, in this current moment only though, “You don’t care I was rejected..?”

“You don’t care I don’t have soulmates to even begin with?”

Tobio was gonna make some treats for this boy along with Hitoka’s treats later tonight.

Hinata leaned against him and looked up at him, “So, who are these only asshole soulmates anyways?”

~*~

Hitoka and Hinata seemed to be staring at each other, although Hitoka was more standing behind Tobio.

Seeing as Hinata ended up sleeping over, he ended up walking to school with him and Hitoka, although Hitoka wasn’t the biggest fan of the unknown boy.

Tobio just kinda stood between the two short people as they had a very quiet walk to school, very unusual. 

They arrived at the gym and Hitoka eventually let go, only after hugging him tightly while giving a slight glare to the weird orange haired boy, but what was she supposed to think! Tobio looked like he had been crying and this random boy was near him and STAYED at his house?!

Tobio waved bye to Hitoka and was immediately pulled by Hinata to get into setting, that’s one thing he liked, Hinata was acting normal, as normal as he was though, it made him happy.

~*~

It was afternoon practice and they were called over by Takeda, although he looked very excited, and the third years seemed to be a bit concerned but he brushed it off, wanting to get back to volleyball.

“Good news! Aobajohsai wants to have a practice match with US!”

Never mind, Tobio looked up and glared at the ground, not wanting to think about it, out of the corner of his eye he saw Hinata’s smile twitch slightly.

“Really? Wow, why would they want that though?” Tobio appreciated his gray-haired senpai greatly, although he already knew why, his soulmates are probably mad he isn’t six feet in a coffin.

Takeda got a bit serious, “Yeah, well it might have something to do with their odd request. They said they wanted Kageyama-kun to be a setter, but only for ONE set.”

God damn you Oikawa.

Chapter Text

“Seriously? They asked for Kageyama to play for only a single set?”

Tobio was just as confused as Sugawara-San, sure he’s glad that they both get to play, but why specifically only ask for him to play one set? It’s very odd and has Oikawa’s fingerprints all over it.

“Ah, yes! It was a very odd request although I did hear a lot of arguing in the background so I believe it to be someone’s decision!”

Tobio could feel eyes on him and it made him uncomfortable and want to sneak away, although, the saint that he was, Sugawara took back to talking again, moving attention away, “Well I still think it’s good! Besides, it’s still a very good idea, is it okay with you Kageyama to only play one?”

That was something he didn’t know, he loved playing and being forced to play very little made him very irritated, but he would also like to see his senpai in action more, he always loved watching setters. He nodded and responded in a hopefully gentle tone, “Yeah, I’d like to see more of your setting anyways.”

Sugawara seemed to boost at that, he didn’t know why, his senpai was clearly very talented in ways he wasn’t and he found it admirable, plus he just likes setters in general. “There we go! Let’s do this!”

That seemed to make everyone else on the team brighten back up and just focus on the idea of getting to play in a practice match, which is something he loved about his senpai.

Hinata was still looking over at him knowingly, and Tobio couldn’t decide if he was grateful for it or not, he didn’t mind the idea of being around hai soulmates, more the idea of anyone finding out they ARE soulmates, because then it’ll be pretty obvious that he was rejected, and Hinata just seems to not understand how bad he must be to get rejected, no one else seems to be as dumb as him.

They got back into practice, and he’d be bothered by Hinata’s staring if it was a usual thing, plus he fully knows he stares at the boy as well.

After practice ended, they were informed the practice match would be the next day so come extra prepared to be safe. 

Hinata and him decide to not practice at the gym this time, but instead outdoors, waving bye to the rest of the members as they then begin racing to the spot, and if Tobio used Hinata’s slightly distracted state to his advantage, who’s he to be judged.

As they got set up though, he decided to start the conversation since he could already tell what the other was thinking, “It’s fine, really. I don’t mind my soulmates-“

Hinata practically jumped at him and began shaking him, “WHA! Why! They suck! If I see them I’ll beat them up!”

Tobio pushed back against the boy who was now clinging to his side, he pouted and pushed harder, “Dumbass! You’d cry once you saw they were taller than you!” Hinata stuck his tongue out at him  and he had to resist the urge to hit the boy’s jaw.

“Would not! I’m big and strong and CLEARLY, you’re the dumb one if you think I can’t and won’t beat them! I’ll be all wham! And woo! And BLA!” As the orange-haired boy said those words, he swung his arms around in a rather over dramatic way while Tobio was more focused on grabbing the boy and making him stop.

Tobio rolled his eyes and pushed the other away finally, “Yeah, yeah, idiot. You aren’t beating up my soulmates, I just wanna play volleyball!”

‘Not really, I wanna be held and loved but I just had to fuck things up-‘

“Fine! Then I’ll hit them in the head with our super secret special attack!” This boy couldn’t even let him speak in his own mind, Tobio groaned and moved to just grab the ball, realizing he isn’t getting around Hinata’s new found need to ‘defend’ him.

“Sure, whatever, just get to practicing, I feel that matters more than whatever this little conversation is!”

Tobio realized how much differently Hinata made him act, with everyone else, he was somewhat polite and followed more of what was suggested to him to be a ‘nicer’ person but just something about Hinata made him so fired up, he’s not complaining about it.

~*~

Once Tobio got home, he saw Hitoka asleep on his couch and went over to her and gave her a hug, despite always enjoying what he did at practice, he did miss days when he could just be with Hitoka for a long time and have no worries about anything, besides from the few that were impossible to escape.

He went to the kitchen and began making some raspberry cheesecake for her to eat tomorrow. Cooking was something he enjoyed, especially since he had to do it a lot, even when his Ojiisan was around, sometimes he was too tired to do stuff so he had to resort to doing it himself,

It’s part of the reason he never told him what happened.

Tobio thought about tomorrow and what would come as he mixed together the crust, he hasn’t really seen or been around his soulmates in a while, he wonders if they would be mad to see him.

He already knew two of them would, although Oikawa is always mad at him so he doesn’t really think he counts all too much.

Iwaizumi probably wouldn’t do anything, he never really did, Kunimi would probably make a few comments and such, Kindaichi would just be angry.

He always thought him and Kindaichi were similar, although Tobio knew that he was definitely quieter than Kindaichi was.

Tobio hoped he could get an apology in though, despite what they did, he still knew he shouldn’t have done what he did, they were still his soulmates and he cared for them, and he shouldn’t have been so cruel, and he knew how tired Kunimi got sometimes, especially since he used to be used as a pillow for the younger one.

He felt bad and he wanted them to know that he’s sorry for making them feel like the only way out was rejecting him as a soulmate, he knows that there was probably even more he did in the past years that he did and just hasn’t realized, he wanted to make up for it.

‘Maybe they knew what happened, what that boy did to me, they don’t want someone who couldn’t even give them a first kiss.’

Tobio’s smashing of raspberries paused as the thought surfaced to his mind, he hated how much the event would just rest in his head. Even when he’s not actively thinking about that or even doing anything that could make him think of that, it always comes back.

He wanted so badly to just forget it happened, to not have to just think of it at random moments, to not step inside a bathroom and just have the presence of the event following him.

Even just yesterday when he was just simply writing down math equations, the memory appeared for no reason, and it didn’t even make him feel bad or anything, just off, the thought was always just there.

Tobio tried to do what he always did, ignore the event, if he pretends it was just his imagination, then what harm is done to anything? He finished with his berries and began on a whipping cream, trying to just go back to the thought of his soulmates.

He should’ve known doing that would make his lungs squeeze, he quickly dropped the stuff in his hands as quietly as he could and rushed to the trash can, as he took off the lid, he began to gag and couch as he tried to force the flowers out quicker, he didn’t want to wait for them to leave, he wanted them gone now.

Unluckily, as he was finishing vomiting a garden of flowers, he realized there was a gentle hand holding back his hair, he looked up from where he was crouched over and saw Hitoka looking at him with sleep dazed eyes, “..bedtime.. let’s go cuddle,  can just cook in morning..”

That sounded nice, and almost as if she put a spell on him, he immediately felt like just laying down as well, he turned off his oven and threw a rag over anything he had out and let Hitoka lead him to his own bedroom.

That was another thing he liked, her touches were always gentle, well, most of the time, but she was gentle, and it always seemed to be what he needed in certain situations.

Tobio crawled into his bed, Hitoka following after plugging her nightlight back in that he had unplugged when Hinata had come over.

Hitoka was happily tucked close to him, she looked up at him with sleep-drenched eyes, “..any.. anything happen today..?”

Tobio nodded against her head, wanting to rest, “..yeah.. tomorrow I’m playing with my.. soulmates..”

Before any reaction could come, they both passed out in the comfort of each other.

~*~

“This is a stupid idea! They’re evil and big and EVIL!” 

Hitoka was not letting his arm go, she’s been worrying over the match the whole morning, insisting that someone needs to be there to make sure they stay at least fifty feet away.

And Tobio appreciated it greatly, he’s glad she’s worried for him but he’s not a baby, he can keep himself safe and he somewhat knows his limit, he’ll be fine.

“Hitoka, it’s okay, besides, it’s just a match!” He tried his best to reassure her, although she seems to be too stuck in her own head, “But what if they corner you when you’re alone!? What if you need to go to the bathroom and they attack you when you’re alone! They’re mean!”

Tobio was going to respond when he felt someone hit his back, he really wished that someone else was near at this moment, “Yeah! Stupidyama, even she agrees that they’re no good! And I haven’t even met them! You should let me beat them up!”

Hitoka brightened up at that, Tobio usually would be happy she’s no longer frowning, but not in this context, “Agreed! You should! And I met them! They’re like, uhh, tigers with sharp teeth and GRR! And not in the way Tobs is!”

Tobio was not appreciating the insult, he did not growl, Oikawa on the other hand.

“I’ll be sure to deal with them then! I can take them-“ Tobio gave a side glance to the boy handing off his left arm while Hitoka was still pulling on his right. “You aren’t fighting four guys taller than you, dummy!”

Then the entire walk to school was annoying, Hinata and Hitoka seemed to be agreeing more with each other than him! Why are they resorting to violence so easily?! Especially Hitoka, Tobio has not known the girl to want to see four guys get beat up.

When they finally arrived at school, they waved off to Hitoka, although Tobio was not a fan of the two’s new found similar interests.

“See! You’re platonic soulmate agrees with me! I can take them, pretty please?!”

Tobio thought the boy acted like a dog.

~*~

It was finally time to get going, Tobio has been getting multiple texts from Hitoka to stay safe and near others at all time, which honestly, he probably was going to follow, even if he didn’t think they were gonna ACTUALLY hurt them, the last experience he had with them when alone is enough to make him not want to have it happen again.

After they all got accounted for, they got up onto the bus, although he ended up sitting with Ennoshita on the way there, Hinata was back with Tanaka.

Ennoshita mostly kept quiet so he did as well, although he did notice a few glances to his left wrist, he knew it was probably just because he was wearing wrappings in the first place.

The ride there was fine, although he couldn’t help but drag his fingernails across the wrappings, he tried to stay calm down, it was just a practice match, they’ll rarely interact with one another and he can be on his merry way home afterwards.

Though when he heard Hinata vomiting in the background, he knew this would be a mess, he could already feel more flowers blooming, he just hoped there would be no roses.

~*~

They arrived at the place, Tanaka was wearing new pants, and Hinata was now surrounding Tobio as if he didn’t vomit due to being nervous, he appreciated the gesture though.

Tobio wanted to leave though, he felt as if he was too dizzy, his legs felt like they’d been stabbed, and he just couldn’t breath. He gave a look to Hinata, hoping the boy would understand, although now he was just acting even worse than before.

Tobio just did his best to take a deep breath, just focus on what he was thinking earlier, just stay close to his teammates. 

Someone must hate him though because before even walking into the school, he sees one person that he just didn’t want to, Kindaichi.

Even as he hears his own teammates talking to the boy on the other team, all he can focus on is Kindaichi, and he wants to rip his throat out. 

Or collapse to the ground and grovel for his forgiveness, maybe yell at him for making him lose his ability to properly breath, or thank him for pushing him to meet Hitoka. He can’t decide, so he tries to just stay back and near Hinata while his other two teammates take care of things, and eventually the two teal players scattered inside. He could still feel Kindaichi looking at him though as he walked away.

“Uhh, Hinata, how about you let go of Kageyama..?”

Tobio looked down and finally stopped just staring dead toward and he saw Hinata who was completely clinged to him and in the most literal way, growling, he looked very stupid in Tobio’s opinion. 

He finally began pushing the other off of him, or at least attempting, “Hey! Hands off, weirdo! And stop making that noise??” His attempts went in vain as Hinata seemed to be uncaring for his opinion and just continued to cling to him.

Tobio’s saint of a senpai, Daichi, luckily came along and ripped the two of them apart, and if he stuck his tongue out at Hinata then who’s he to blame.

As they went in, he snuck off from the rest though to go find a bathroom before he began coughing up flowers in front of everyone, it was an easy task to find the restroom. Tobio rushed inside and practically threw himself in one of the stalls and barely locked it before he began to just heave as hard as he could, he just wanted the flowers out now. He didn’t want to spend hours coughing and coughing until his throat eventually gave away, just wanting to get it over with.

Tobio stuck a finger in his mouth and began to scratch at the back of his throat, hoping to make the flowers faster and they did, the intense pressure he was putting on his lungs and throat were able to get them moving. He gagged at the sickening sweet smell of flowers as he began to vomit, it was beautiful in a scary way.

Beautiful orange rhododendrons fell together down into the water and with the blood staining them, it looked like a sunset or a bright flame; it’d be beautiful if it was so painful.

Tears sprung to his eyes as he used one hand to hold his throat while the other held onto where his lungs laid, the pain felt almost worse at this moment, he should tell Doctor Shimizu about that next time he visits for a check up.

Although as he continued to throw up, he debated even going back out, sure, it might make him seem selfish, like if he wasn’t allowed to play he wouldn’t even show up, but it just hurt too much and it wouldn’t stop. 

It felt like the amount of flowers increased despite this time, there was only one type of flower, it was like his body was trying to purposely annoy him. He tried to let out a sigh but it came out as a sad high-pitched whine, his eyes began to tear up and he felt them flowing down his cheek, but this time it burned so badly.

He felt his vision begin to blur, but this time not by tears, instead, they were petals, the exact same petals of the rhododendrons he was vomiting, like his life was a cruel joke.

He was about to begin straight up sobbing out of pure frustration but then he heard footsteps, he froze where he sat kneeled on the ground and began shaking, luck seemed to be on his side though.

“Kageyama! You okay there? Do you want me to call Yachi or tell Daichi you can’t play?”

Tobio was about to open the door, he wanted to try and tell Hinata that he just wanted someone to hug him, that he was too tired, but he couldn’t move from where he was.

Although it seems the small whines he was letting out were able to get his point across just as much, “Oh, okay, Kageyama! Just give me a second..”

He wishes his life was simple, because as he heard Hinata assumingly going to warn Daichi, he heard another voice, “Why wouldn’t he want to play?”

Kindaichi.

He teared up, his emotions were everywhere and he wanted to go out and hug Kindaichi, to have his soulmate hold him and pick the flowers off his face, to have all the flowers leave his lungs in return of Kindaichi loving him, or at least go back to tolerating him being around. 

He would do what he used to do again if it meant he still had his soulmates, he’d take constantly being left out by Kindaichi and Kunimi, he’d take Kunimi’s weird stares and avoidance. He’d gladly welcome back the insults from Oikawa if it just meant he could hear him paying attention to him, he’d take the fact that he knew Iwaizumi didn’t like him because he was a monster, if it meant he could just be a part of them.

He just wanted to be to them what they were to him, he always loved all four of them like it was as easy as breathing, and now he couldn’t breathe.

Although he heard a thump against the door, he managed to turn his head and saw Hinata’s feet standing directly in front of the door. His hearing was a bit jumbled due to getting dizzy, but he could tell that Hinata was trying to hide him. He sniffed as quietly as he could as he felt the flowers finally come to an end.

As to make less noise, he picked the last few flowers out of his throat and threw them in the toilet. Tobio knew he couldn’t flush it, so he apologizes to any poor person who’s gonna be cleaning the restroom. 

He stood on shaking legs and decided he still at least wanted to play the first round, he wasn’t going to let his love for volleyball be dampened even more than it already has, besides he’ll have plenty of time to rest and observe. 

Tobio eventually saw Hinata’s feet moving forward and he went until he heard both boys exit the restroom. Only then did he sneak out, he went over to the mirror and saw there were a few petals stuck to his face and he picked them off. He washed his hands and rinsed his face off, trying to ignore any other occurring thoughts.

He peaked out the door and saw Hinata and Kindaichi far enough away for him to head to where the gym was.

He’s glad he has someone like Hinata.

~*~

Once he arrived at the gym, he was questioned where he had gone and if he was okay, although he tried to just chalk it up to needing to use the restroom, Sugawara and Daichi didn’t seem too convinced but they allowed the answer, telling him to get to warming up.

Out of the corner of his eye, he felt Kunimi and Iwaizumi staring at him, although when he turned his head over, he saw Iwaizumi just staring at his left wrist while Kunimi was staring at his right.

He gulped and ignored it, just wanting to play and not have to worry about the flowers that stained his body worse than any fate he’d been inflicted to before.

Without Hinata near though, his luck went back to normal and a ball got away, to the other side. Tobio took a deep breath and went over to retrieve it, not wanting to have to manipulate the way he did things just for the people who hurt him.

Life was never easy though because just before he was able to get the ball, he saw Iwaizumi take it, looking down at him as he had kneeled to get it.

Tobio felt his mouth go dry and his lungs burn, Iwaizumi seemed to be completely clueless though, “Hello, Kageyama.. Are you okay?”

Is Tobio okay? He almost wanted to smack the boy for that stupid question, is he okay after being completely rejected and pushed aside? Is he okay when Iwaizumi, who PROMISED him that he’d try to get Oikawa to stop with his comments, just completely stopped trying the second Oikawa nearly got physical with HIM?!

He didn’t say any of that though, he just stood and picked at the wrappings as he responded, “Sure.. Can I have the ball..?”

Iwaizumi didn’t hand it over though, “I will, just.. Do you want to.. like to hang out sometime? There’s stuff we should talk about-“

“Kageyama! You can’t go! I’m sleeping over again tonight!” 

Tobio nearly fell over when he felt Hinata jump on his back, usually he’d say something but he was still just so stunned that after three goddamn years, now is when they want to hang out, of fucking course.

He didn’t have to say anything as he felt Hinata move off him and grab the ball directly out of Iwaizumi’s hand and dragged him back over to his team, completely locking their fingers together.

Tobio couldn’t help but look back at Iwaizumi, and if his eyes weren’t so pained and blurred from the new found petals earlier, he’d see tears in the other’s eyes.

Hinata seemed keen on annoying him though, and whether he was doing it to help his own nerves or Tobio’s was a mystery.

Finally though, the game was soon ready to begin.

Chapter Text

Tobio was going to be playing the first round only, at first, he wanted to play the last one, that way he could spend time looking and observing his senpai to further improve himself, but Sugawara-senpai said he wanted to watch Tobio play.

Although as the match begins, he just wants to be benched. He hates it so much, he loves playing but being so close to his soulmates, especially since he can feel their eyes on him, he just wants to sit down and hold a trash can under his chin.

It doesn’t help that Hinata just keeps messing up, Tobio adores the boy even if he doesn’t say it, but the mistakes are just aggravating him. Tobio feels so unnecessarily frustrated and he doesn’t want to say anything wrong.

Especially since Kindaichi and Kunimi are there, he still wants to apologize to them for being so selfish, but he knows it’d mean nothing if he gave them the idea that he was the exact same, that he was still an unlovable king who wanted to take everything.

It doesn’t help that some moments him and Kindaichi are so close, the only thing separating them being the net. 

Having his soulmates and Hinata so close was a disaster, usually, when it’s Hinata who makes him feel the flowers are about to seep through his lips, the flowers come easily and with a lack of blood, sometimes he even likes the feeling of it, the gentle petals caressing him gently with care as they slide past his parted lips with ease.

His soulmates’ were always harsh though. In a complete contrast to the removal of flowers in a way that felt healing, theirs would remove as to harm him while growing room to spread the diseases as a rose garden. Traditionally, love blooming as if they were flowers fresh in the bloom would be seen as loving, it was rather forevermore floralshing his pain as it tendered into every last bit of his life.

It was in those moments that it was sometimes hard to believe he deserved it, that being rejected was okay as long as it brought his soulmates the joy he tarnished.

The feeling of the ball hitting his hands had never felt so painful.

Tobio was grateful for everyone on his new team, some of them still staying high even as the ball fell for them once again. 

However, Tobio noticed that Kindaichi definitely started to purposely lack in the middle of the round. And he knew this time it wasn’t him being too critical, Kindaichi was trying harder before, and he even knew that he could do better than that, he’s seen him do better than that.

It made him feel shitty, is Kindaichi doing it to taunt him? To get him angry and feel hurt by the fact that no one actually cared about this, that only he felt love for the games he played.

Tobio tried to contain himself, he was so conflicted and he just wanted everything to calm down. Luckily, it was Hinata's turn to serve, so he didn’t have to deal with his teeth clattering in his ears as he stood a little too close.

He stood next to his other teammates, although he nearly froze when he felt something in his throat, a petal. Tobio’s eyes began to panic, he had been focusing so hard on splitting his attention between the game and his lungs that he hadn’t noticed the ones already rising. 

Just when Tobio was about to swallow back the petal, hoping to keep it down until he could get some water in his system and hopefully help it down, even complicating if he should purposefully try to choke himself with the water to try and drown out the flowers and damper them, he felt a sharp and intense hit to the back of his head.

As his head and whole body jerked forward, the flowers did too. Luckily though, he was able to keep all of them in his mouth, and the sight of his cheeks expanding could just be chalked up to him being affected by the force.

There was one sight of a petal though, a small glimmer of a reddish orange petal could be seen between Tobio's mouth, a direct contrast to his soft pink lips. And while Tobio’s team didn’t notice, a certain tired player did.

Tobio swallowed the flowers as best as he could, multiple people too busy laughing as others tried to defuse the situation and seemingly calm him down. He didn’t care though, Hinata needed to relax and Tobio already knew that if given the chance, Hinata would try and fight his soulmates, and he’d rather the boy be stressed out and half-dead over that, not a simple practice match.

Ignoring the words of his senpais, Tobio began to walk over to Hinata, said orange haired boy moving backwards in a panic while apologies spilled from his mouth. Tobio stopped in front of the shorter boy, towering over the boy before talking a whisper for only the two of them to hear,

“You said you’d protect me?”

Hinata seemed to be confused for a split-second before breaking out into a light flush, “I did..! A-And I meant it!-“

Tobio leaned lower, getting closer to the boy, “Then this should be simple then? Your biggest problem is taking them down, right?” He leaned lower, getting close enough to the boy that their noses nearly touched. “So start with the game, defeat them here and the rest will be easy, no?”

Hinata's eyes widened, pride filling his chest, “Yeah! I’ll keep you safe! Don’t you worry, Kageyama!” It’s clear the boy was glad to be able to hear Tobio say he recognized he could protect him.

Tobio pulled back and grabbed the boy’s shirt, pushing him forward, “Good, now get your head in the game!” He let go of the boy and went back to the spot he previously stood, choosing to ignore Hinata sticking his tongue out at Kindaichi.

As they game bang to move again, Hinata was definitely doing better than before, Tobio couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that, of course the boy would start doing better the second he claimed him to be his protector, next time he’s just going to let the boy wallow in his pit.

When he and Hinata were finally able to pull off their special attack, Tobio felt a wobbled smile coming to his face, the enjoyment that he loved from volleyball returning with Hinata.

Hinata was doing his little celebration before everyone started moving back to their starting points, although, out of the corner of his eye, which made him nearly go right back to before, was Kunimi, suddenly the joy of getting the set through wasn’t as nice.

Kunimi was good at hitting his sets before their third year, and then he ruined it and now Kunimi can’t hit his sets. As he looked at Kunimi, Kunimi stared right back, neither of them breaking eye contact.

Tobio just felt guilty now, and most of all, pathetic for getting so affected by just one look.

Although he noticed as Kunimi’s look changed into a different one, and before he could try and figure out what it was, Hinata was slipping his hand into his and jumping onto him, “Stupidyama! Did you see my hit!? It was great, set to me again! Oh, and when we get back you should set to me some more for practice, yeah? And let’s also-“

Kageyama gripped the boy’s head as gently as he could without making it seem like he wanted to throw the boy, “Shush! We’re playing a match, do you never calm down?”

Hinata just laughed and got off of him, although he was much slower to let go of his hand, Kunimi long forgotten in his mind as he thought of if he should set to the dumbass next to him.

Even with Hinata messing up, they were able to win the first round luckily, although Tobio thought it also had something to do with certain people purposefully lacking. He ignored it though, more saddened by the fact that he couldn’t play anymore, he was feeling better now and he just wanted to keep playing with Hinata.

Tobio went over to the bench and switched out with Sugawara, the older giving him some words of encouragement as he sat down next to the others.

As the second round began, Tobio was completely captivated by his senpai, the way he was able to get the ball to each player with such ease in a way that felt like a hug was adoring to Tobio.

He wasn’t able to look away, even when he felt stares towards him did his attention wavering, he just wanted to watch the game in front of him.

Half way through though, there was something that was able to pull him away, and it was something he noticed earlier but was too focused on things like not choking to death to care for now though, it was something that was resurfacing.

Oikawa was just not there. 

Tobio couldn’t decide if that was because there was something wrong, because he knew that Oikawa hated not playing, or Oikawa was plotting against him, which is very likely considering who he’s thinking of.

He felt the flowers beginning to come back as he remembered what the last words Oikawa said to him were, while all of his soulmates had hurt him, nothing hurt more than Oikawa. The words he said, the force he used to hold him against the wall as he was whimpering in pain.

Oikawa scared him down to his core, and that made him feel worse, because Tobio knew that Oikawa cared for and was nicer to anyone who wasn’t him, it made him feel like there was something wrong with him if Oikawa only felt the need to scare him off.

He hated that those four were able to so quickly dampen his happiness, even if some of it was just general pain in his lungs.

Tobio began to pick at his wrappings, he could almost feel the scars that covered the soulmark burn, it made him want to cry in pain.

It was just so hard to make sense of, no matter how much time passed, no matter what Hitoka, Hinata, or his doctor said, he couldn’t just settle on them making a mistake rejecting him. It had to have been something more than that, they couldn’t have just put him through hell and near death for it to just be a mistake, mistakes are what Hinata did earlier, not killing someone.

His scratching soon was able to reach his skin, the wrappings became weaker as they were pushed and moved, and even as he felt his fingers on his wrist, it wasn’t enough.

Tobio took good care of his nails so there was nothing left to scratch deep into his skin, which just led to his scratching getting more intense. Red streaks were left by his fingers doing their best to dig into his arm.

His breathing stayed surprisingly even through the endeavor but someone still noticed, Tobio felt Ennoshita’s gentle hand grab his right hand and pulled it away from his left wrist. He looked over at Ennoshita but found him still watching the game.

Tobio gulped and folded his arms against his abdomen and mouthed a small thank you that was noticed by a short nod.

Karasuno lost the second round, when they all came over to talk to each other, Tobio felt conflicted, he knew that Oikawa had to show up sooner than later, it had to be him who organized this thing anyways.

Before he could warn them though, he had to cover his ears at a few annoying screams, who would’ve guessed, Oikawa was finally here.

He could see Hinata begin to try and stand up straight as an automatic reaction. Tobio stared at Oikawa, he still looked the exact same, “Oikawa…” He whispered to no one in particular, just looking at his old senpai he so adored and loved.

Nothing seemed to ever change with him as he heard himself be called by said person, “Hello, Tobio-Chan! That’s not how you greet your s-“ Oikawa was then cut off by a hand smacking his head. Iwaizumi never changed much either.

And while he wanted to pay more attention, his team was asking him questions and that matter more. He turned to them, warning them of Oikawa’s skills.

~*~

There’s no way that wasn’t done on purpose.

Everyone stood there for a second before some people from both teams began laughing, although Tobio was more just frozen.

When he told Hinata what he did, he had NOT meant it in this way.

There’s no way Hinata just spiked a ball into Oikawa’s face.

Tobio wanted so badly to go onto the court and shake Hinata til he was too dizzy to even stand, what the hell was that stupid boy thinking?!

Tobio can tell he didn’t mean it by accident, Hinata’s sly little smile might’ve gone unnoticed by some of the others but it was still so clear to him.

Even when the match continued going again, he kept his hands covering his face, this boy is going to be what kills him, he could already see it.

When the match ended, he was just glad it was, although he couldn’t stop the petty feeling of winning against the other team. 

When Hinata came over to him, with clear excitement on his face, Tobio solved the problem by grabbing the boy’s face in both hands, “What was that?! If I wasn’t so happy that you could aim something for once in your life, I’d throw you!”

Hinata just looked up at him with a stupid smile on his face before grabbing his face right back, “Why are you always so GRR and RAWR around me! Always blah blah, ‘don’t stand so stiffly when receiving’ blah blah! It’s always something!”

Tobio growled and the two began bickering, pulling at each other before getting separated so they could thank Aoba Johsai for the game.

Afterwards though, he was going up to Daichi-senpai to tell him he needed to use the restroom real quick, even if he really was just going to go and find Kindaichi and Kunimi, just to see Hinata telling Daichi the same thing.

“Sure, just try not to take too long you too!” Daichi waved them off and it was a clear sign that both of them lied when they both went in directions that obviously weren’t the restroom.

Ignoring Hinata, Tobio went off to find his two old teammates. He still wanted to apologize, hoping that he could at least give them some peace of mind that he feels bad for what he did to them.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t hard finding the two as they were together, looking as if they were searching for something, although as Tobio saw them, he felt the same feeling he felt when he first arrived, he was regretting everything.

Before he could run and pretend he never saw them, they noticed him, two pairs of eyes staring right back at him.

Tobio held onto his bag tightly, not knowing what to say now that he was here. Kindaichi took over his burden though, saying something first, 

“King.”

It wasn’t much but it was enough, “I’m.. I’m sorry, Kindaichi, Kunimi..” 

That was the easiest part, it was easy to say sorry, Tobio knew he had to say more though, because if it wasn’t an accident, and they did what they did knowingly, wanting to hurt him, then he wants to apologize for pushing them so far to feel that way.

It doesn’t look like his apology went well with them already though, Kindaichi has a face of anger and Kunimi almost looks terrified by his words, he’s never felt so weak and afraid before.

Tobio is trying so hard to muster up his words, it’s kind of hard though when flowers are rising and threatening to splatter out.

“Are you seriously saying sorry after EVERYTHING?!” Both Kindaichi and Tobio were taken aback by Kunimi, Tobio felt dread, feeling like his worst nightmare was coming true.

Tobio wanted them to at least be able to know he didn’t mean it, but by the looks of it, he must’ve been so terrible that he can’t even be allowed to apologize, “Kunimi.. I promise I didn’t mean anything I said to you, I’m sorry I was so pathetic-“

“Just shut up! Stop fucking apologizing!”

Tobio felt worse, seeing that there were tears gathering in Kunimi’s eyes, he’s never seen him cry before, he hates himself for making this look on Kunimi’s face.

“I..” Tobio couldn’t find any other words to say, he was just so sorry, but it wasn’t enough, he didn’t know what was. Kindaichi seemed to be confused as well though, and that made him try and think over the things he did, had he treated Kunimi even worse than the others?

He knew Kunimi was tired a lot, did he push him too badly? Had he made Kunimi feel less than?

Guilt ate at his lungs as he felt a sob trying to come to the surface, instead though, it was a cough. Tobio’s eyes began to tear up as he began coughing harshly, flowers starting to rise, and Kindaichi and Kunimi’s faces started to twist once again, but he was unable to see what as he began coughing harder and harder before finally, he felt a rose.

He hated those the most, they always felt the need to come in whole entire flowers, stem and all.

“What happened!” Tobio was pushed forward as he felt a body wrap around his arm, Hinata was looking like he was becoming a new constant in his life, he always seemed to know when he needed something.

He felt Hinata’s tight grip on him and Tobio looked up at his two soulmates, they were both staring at Hinata in disbelief, could they not believe someone cared about him? It seems realistic, they thought he was unlovable.

Hinata was saying something to Kindaichi and Kunimi but just like in the bathroom, he wasn’t able to hear it.

Tobio was dragged away as he tried to keep his face down, his throat was burning, he could slightly hear words of his senpais but he wasn’t listening, he felt himself be sat next to a window and Hinata sat next to him.

He wanted to just go home, he wanted Hitoka.

~*~

Once they arrived back at the school, Tobio just rushed off, not caring for any repercussions, although Hinata followed right after him.

Tobio eventually stopped where there was no one around and kneeled over, holding his chest in pain, Hinata was behind him, gently rubbing his back.

Tobio coughs violently, using one hand to hold his throat as he tries to push out the rose he’s been holding in for so long.

Hinata was hugging him tightly, he could feel tears leak into his jacket as he coughed harder, just wanting it to be over.

It felt like it’d never end, until the flower itself arrived at his mouth, he whimpered softly and grabbed the rose, pulling and tugging on it and letting it fall to the ground.

The black rose was either completely soaked in blood or he just coughed up a red rose.

Chapter Text

Yuutarou was a very jealous person, he got jealous very easily and it often led to him making very irrational decisions and doing things that he most definitely would regret.

But he just didn’t know what to think, Kageyama didn’t hang around them as much, he rarely spoke unless it was asking a question about volleyball, yet he spends time with this other guy? What was he supposed to think, Yuutarou was Kageyama’s soulmate, not Nanjo.

~*~

Yuutarou didn’t know how or why they found out Kageyama was their soulmate last, realistically, he and Akira should’ve figured out Kageyama was their soulmate before they found out about Tooru and Hajime, but when they first met the boy, Yuutarou thought he was a bit weird.

Kageyama had always had a dazed look and he truly only ever was able to focus on volleyball, it was weird, his expressions often lacked much emotion besides from the few smiles and giggles he’d let out when playing volleyball.

The kid was weird, especially since he was so desperate to learn from Tooru, Yuutarou remembers Tooru complaining to him and their other two soulmates about how ‘Tobio-Chan’ was just an annoying brat who had ‘no-personality’.

Yuutarou isn’t proud to say that unlike Akira, his view on Kageyama was greatly influenced by stuff Tooru would say, ignoring any attempts Kageyama would make at trying to do things for all his teammates.

He pushed away any thoughts of Kageyama looking at him with the same eyes he looked at Oikawa with, how the shorter boy would look at him like he was a star whenever he’d pull off a good block or a good spike. Yuutarou chose not to focus on how the boy would sometimes do extra cleaning up to make sure everyone else could relax. He ignored the boy multiple times when he’d ask if he could just hangout with them, he was just following what his senior would tell him.

Then Kageyama’s mark was fully colored, Yuutarou remembers that it was Hajime who told him and Akira that the boy was also their soulmate, but only after they were told to go easier on Tooru, being told the he was really upset and that Hajime was worried for him.

Yuutarou didn’t know how to feel about the blue-eyed boy then, but he decided he wanted to be a part of Kageyama, they were meant to.

Plus, despite the increasing number of insults Tooru would throw towards Kageyama, Yuutarou felt like he could ignore them, he was a part of Kageyama and Kageyama was a part of him, and after that, the few times he hung out with the boy, it felt like Kageyama truly was his.

After that though, Tooru and Hajime graduated, meaning no more secondary thoughts to make him question his judgment and he could just get to know his soulmate along with Akira, they could all be close, seeing as Tooru and Hajime had each other, Kageyama could join him and Akira.

~*~

Yuutarou decided that he hated Nanjo, when he first met the boy in the first year, he had first thought that he and Kageyama were soulmates from how much Nanjo would watch him, that idea was squashed by the fact that Kageyama was HIS soulmate and the fact that Nanjo’s soulmate was some girl.

Still, it was stupid how Nanjo seemed to know more about his soulmate than he does, but how was Yuutarou supposed to know that Kageyama would chew on his thumb when he would start to daze off? He didn’t even see the point of knowing that information, even if he knew that kind of information about Akira, Tooru, and Hajime.

It only got worse in the second year, now, Yuutarou knew that Kageyama was his soulmate, but it wasn’t his fault that he just didn’t know how to ask the boy to hang out, his head was as empty as a volleyball. That should mean that Kageyama should try to make some effort he did he just never cared but no! Instead he sees Kageyama talking to Nanjo more than him!

His jealousy started to turn more into anger after one day when Kageyama was asked by Nanjo and the guy’s soulmate to go hang out with them, they were straight up stealing his soulmate.

When Akira had later asked if Yuutarou wanted him to go and try to see if Kageyama wanted to hang out, he was ecstatic because if Kageyama agreed to ditch those other two, his non-soulmates, then that would show progress.

Instead, Akira came back looking upset and cold and simply said that Kageyama said no! It was ridiculous, and as those thoughts of how Kageyama could’ve been found with the two filled his brain, jealousy growing for a boy he barely knew, it began to turn into anger.

Yuutarou especially became angry when Kageyama became even more distant than he already was before, practically confirming any suspicions he had. Kageyama was their boyfriend, even if they rarely hung out with the boy or gave him too much attention, Yuutarou believed it to be obvious that the boy was theirs as much as they all were his, yet Kageyama is most likely cheating!

Anger consumed his thoughts before his third year even began, especially since over break he and Akira were able to hang out with Tooru and Hajime more, and seeing as the two already had an obvious dislike for Kageyama, Tooru’s larger than all of theirs combined, his thoughts towards the boy only worsened.

~*~

Yuutarou couldn’t help but feel happy when he saw the defeated look on King’s either angry or blank face, he couldn’t help the sick satisfaction he felt when they ended up losing.

And when later came around, Hajime basically suggested they reject King, it made perfect sense to him, the tyrant practically was begging them to with how much time he spent without them, how he practically cheated on them with a pair of soulmates like he was replacing him and Akira. 

He did feel some guilt when he saw King’s teary face, it wasn’t his fault though, it was King’s. He means what he said, that tyrant would just replace his platonic soulmate if he ever got one, it was all King’s fault for acting and looking the way he did.

Yuutarou hated his stupid face, his stupid big eyes, his lips that he’s never once got to touch, his hand that’s only been held by him one time, his soft cheeks that made his face so stupidly round. It was all so stupid.

When just a few days later, after he and Akira got the call from Hajime, at first he thought King was just overreacting, trying to get some pity points from the only person out of the four of them that would give a single shit about him,

Akira grabbed his phone and showed it to him as well, annoyed they looked up Hanahaki Disease, it was so fucking stupid though.

There’s no way flowers could just start growing because you got rejected, it was so stupid. Yuutarou also just didn’t want to believe he was a bad person, he didn’t want to believe he could’ve possibly killed his soulmate over something like volleyball.

Although Yuutarou noticed that Akira definitely believed it was happening, the way that the boy was shaking and clearly panicked, although there seemed to be more going on than just that.

Yuutarou was still holding out hope that it wasn’t actually happening, it’d be stupid if their bodies just gave out to words, plus King was many things but he wasn’t weak, he was strong enough to not just let himself be defeated by some flowers.

Though when Hajime and Oikawa arrived, with the way Hajime was acting, it was obviously real, Yuutarou could see Oikawa crying while looking down and Yuutarou did the same thing.

Looking down into his hands and not giving himself the right to make a noise.

~*~

Yuutarou thinks out of all of them, he was probably hit the least by the realization of what they’ve done, Oikawa seemed to be drowning in nothing but guilt all the time, thinking over anything he’s said, Hajime feels like he’s a failure, that he could’ve done more to protect Kageyama, and Akira seems to be feeling something that none of them understand, while there was guilt and regret, it wasn’t for what they did, it was clearly something else.

That’s not to say he didn’t feel bad about what he did, Yuutarou did feel bad, especially after Hajime screamed about how him and Akira should’ve known something was going on, about how out of all four of them, the two of them should’ve never even had the thought of rejecting Kageyama. He didn’t feel as bad as the others though, he knew he was hanging onto false hope though.

The hope that Kageyama was just fine, that the third year and second year never happened, that Kageyama is still that small little first year who put them all on a pedestal, stars shining in those wide eyes as he either had a small smile or pout on his face.

No scared eyes looking around as if he was going to be attacked, no small boy sitting all alone while everyone else at least had someone. There aren't any angry stares and yells to try more, that he feels alone on the court like he’s the only one putting in effort.

None of that, just small Kageyama who’s too clueless to understand anything beyond volleyball.

So Yuutarou didn’t understand why everyone else was so sad, everything was fine, even if Kageyama wasn’t standing next to him and Akira when they were entering the Aoba Johsai volleyball team, it was fine, he can go to another school if he wants.

Besides, two weeks later, he and Akira were told that they organized a match with the school that Kageyama went to, everything was going to be fine.

They could just show Kageyama that they’re better, the boy’s head was a volleyball and would want to go to the better team. He could just transfer and he’d fit right in.

It’s all okay.

~*~

Yuutarou was going to strangle himself, when he first saw Kageyama, he was very happy to see him, he looked different though, he seemed tired but that was probably just due to the trip, it’d all be worth it though.

What was not worth it was the scared confused look from the boy, it seemed to be badly affecting him as well. What was really nagging at him was the short little orange kid who was completely wrapped around his soulmate!

His arms were wrapped around Kageyama’s midsection and it was annoying, who even was this person? 

He didn’t get the chance to analyze the boy more before him and Yahaba were scrambling to get back to their team. He saw Akira, who was still sad for some reason, was stretching and talking very annoyed with Hajime.

Yuutarou walked up to them, confused about where Oikawa was, “Hey, Hajime.. where’s Oikawa? Kageyama is here today..”

Hajime was just as upset about it as he looked, he answered in a very dull voice, “Fucking dumbass hurt his ankle and had to get it checked out! I told him he needed to relax yesterday but did he listen? No!” He grumbled before finishing up stretching, trying to calm down so as to not arouse concern from the rest of their teammates.

Yuutarou started his stretching as well alongside Akira, and then when Karasuno walked in, both his and Akira’s and Hajime’s attention turned to the crows, looking for their fifth only to not see him. Yuutarou frowned, not knowing why he wasn’t there when he was with them earlier.

He decided that Kageyama was probably just in the restroom, it was fine.

Though when he saw the orange haired kid run off somewhere, he frowned, he went over to Hajime, “Hey, I’m gonna go to the restroom really quick, ‘kay?” Hajime barely lifted his head, “Sure, be quick!”

Yuutarou went in the direction the orange haired kid went in, following a bit behind, he was going to just leave when he saw the boy was just going to the restroom but before he did, he heard something.

“Kageyama! You okay there? Do you want me to call Yachi or tell Daichi you can’t play?”

What! Not play? What kind of bullshit was this boy going on about, Kageyama loved playing, he’s played sick many times too, why wouldn’t he want to play!

Even from where he stood though, he heard small whimpers that were no doubt Kageyama. Why would he be making those noises though? He’s fine, if anything, being at that other shitty school is the thing making him not feel well, he should be with his soulmates.

“Oh, okay, Kageyama! Just give me a second..”

What the hell! This boy is with Kageyama like he knows him at all. As soon as the orange haired boy turned, he was standing there, “Why wouldn’t he want to play?”

The boy jumped back a bit when he saw Yuutarou but he didn’t care, he barely knew this boy and he’s already a pain in the ass. The boy looked back at the stall where Yuutarou could see Kageyama’s feet and he was then pushed back out of the restroom by the boy, the two leaving Kageyama by himself.

The boy seemed to be a bit nervous which Yuutarou found annoying, the boy was clinging to his soulmate earlier and now he’s nervous when face to face with one of Kageyama’s soulmates? Fucking stupid, “Who the hell are you? Why are you bothering MY soulmate?”

Yuutarou glared down at the boy, unfortunately for him, the orange one didn’t seem to take kindly to those words, “He isn’t your soulmate!” 

Why is everyone trying to get in on him and his soulmates business, first that girl Kageyama’s platonic soulmate and now this random guy! A replacement of them

“What do you know?! You don’t know me or Kageyama, we’re soulmates!” Not anymore, he rejected Kageyama.

The boy glared at him and frowned deeply, “I do know Kageyama! And I know that he was rejected by YOU and the rest of you assholes!”

Yuutarou didn’t believe that, he wouldn’t reject Kageyama, Kageyama was an oblivious boy who loved volleyball and followed them around, there wasn’t anything that showed he rejected the boy, Kageyama’s mark was faded, it was so pretty and now it’s almost gone.

“You don’t know anything.. Kageyama is going to realize he’s being stupid not to go to Aoba Johsai and he’s going to come and be with his soulmates..” Everything was fine, Kageyama was just confused.

The boy looked at him with disbelief for no reason! As if he was the one in the wrong as if he wasn’t stealing another person’s soulmate! He was just like Nanjo!

“Fuck you! I’m going to make sure Kageyama is safe from YOU and all the rest of you! He’s not stupid either! He just doesn’t want to be around people who hurt him!”

And with that the boy left, so fucking rude! Talking as if he can take Kageyama away from him, such an asshole.

Yuutarou went and used the restroom, ignoring the pile of flowers, it was probably just his frustration making him see things. He washed his hands and went back to his team, he expected to see Hajime upset that he took so long, instead, he was staring at that goddamn orange.

The boy was holding onto Kageyama and even touching his waist! What the hell.

~*~

Yuutarou was very annoyed with how the match was going, at first, he was happy that little shit was messing up so much, but there were some points he had to be doing it on purpose!

There was no way he just kept accidentally running into his soulmate! That boy was purposefully touching his soulmate, he knew it! Not only that, it didn’t allow him to play his best, he was too distracted and it was pissing him off.

He snarled at the boy when he saw the ball hit the back of Kageyama’s head he was even more upset, now the boy was hurting his poor soulmate! And he was accusing HIM of hurting Kageyama, he’s never his teammates first asked him and Akira about the last match, why they did it.

Yuutarou looked over at Akira, wanting to complain about the boy but instead, Akira seemed terrified, he swears, everyone has been acting so weird.

He looked back over at his soulmate and he completely froze, there’s no way Kageyama and that brat were kissing.

There was no way, but then, Kageyama pulled back and the orange haired boy’s face was completely red and he definitely seemed happier.

Yuutarou didn’t know how to feel, there’s no reason as to why Kageyama would be doing this, there’s no way. It’s off, something is wrong, there shouldn’t be though, not when everything should be fine.

Kageyama was just a first year, just like in middle school, there’s just.. there’s nothing that happened between these times that would’ve made him change.

There can’t be, that would mean that he ignored the boy and he didn’t, he didn’t!

Later, when Oikawa finally showed up, Yuutarou was happy, Kageyama adored Oikawa, and once he saw him, he’d forget about that boy and come back and he could treat him so nice, better than he did last time, he’d make things right, please just come back Tobio, I love you.

But no, no one else seemed to be taking this seriously! ‘Isn’t this ironic?’ Especially since Oikawa got hit!

Hit by that damn short annoying piece of shit! And that boy had a smug little face, it was so annoying. He shouldn’t have told the boy anything, now he’s showing off! This isn’t what was supposed to be happening ! Kageyama should be with him so he can just fucking apologize!

He just needs, he just needs Kageyama.

Yuutarou promises he’ll be better, he’ll treat Kageyama nice and he’ll listen to everything the boy says as long as he just comes back. He doesn’t want to be replaced in Kageyama’s heart but now there’s two guys.

He wouldn’t lie, when they lost, he wanted to cry, he was never going to get Kageyama back.

~*~

Afterwards, he grabbed Akira and went to go find Kageyama, “If we apologize, maybe he’ll see we’re better!” Akira agreed, they both just wanted Kageyama back with them, they’ll do better this time.

It didn’t take too long to find Kageyama because from the looks of it, he was looking for them too.

They all took a moment to just look at each other, Kageyama looked so much different than what Yuutarou chose to remember, the light in his eyes wasn’t there, the adoration he always held towards anyone who played volleyball seemed to have melted away.

How did he never notice?

“King.”

Yuutarou wanted to slap himself for calling Kageyama that word, the boy was going to think they were still mad. He wasn’t mad, he didn’t feel like he deserved to be mad.

Kageyama was scared of them though, “I’m.. I’m sorry, Kindaichi, Kunimi..”

Yuutarou was angry at himself, why is he apologizing, he nearly killed him, he shouldn’t be acting like this.

None of this was right, this situation should’ve never happened, Kageyama should’ve never been alone.

There was no valid reason for them to leave Kageyama out when they did, they abandoned him because they’re all selfish, they’re bad people .

“Are you seriously saying sorry after EVERYTHING?!”

What the fuck Akira, why is he yelling at Kageyama! Can’t he see how scared the boy is? Can’t he see how Kageyama is clinging onto his bag for dear life?

“Kunimi.. I promise I didn’t mean anything I said to you, I’m sorry I was so pathetic-“

Please stop talking Kageyama, you aren’t supposed to be like this, you’re supposed to be happy and surrounded by soulmates who actually cared for you.

“Just shut up! Stop fucking apologizing!”

Yuutarou was going to slap him if he didn’t shut the fuck up, Kageyama looked like he was going to cry.

Before he could try to say or do anything though, Kageyama started coughing, Hanahaki.

Yuutarou stared, horrified by the sight, this isn’t happening, this shouldn’t be happening, but it was, he could smell the strong scent of roses and blood.

It was sickening that the two were being combined together.

Kageyama looked as if he was going to collapse but then that boy came, “What happened!”

Yuutarou felt tears fall from his face, he was so stupid, this is why they were being replaced, they weren’t good enough, they couldn’t even care for Kageyama when they could see him in trouble directly in front of them.

“Just stay away from him! Why do you want him dead so bad?!”

Before a response from either of them could come, they were gone, the only thing left was the smell of roses.

~*~

Yuutarou and Akira were walking back to Akira’s house in silence, Oikawa had been in a similar state as the two of them when they met up with him and Hajime.

They all were too stunned to say anything, they could talk about this another day, Yuutarou just wanted to lay down.

More than anything though, he wanted something to blame, he wanted a reason, but the only thing he could find was them, he hated it so much.

When they arrived, Yuutarou just went up to Akira’s room, not wanting to talk to his parents knowing that he doesn’t even know Kageyama’s.

He sat in Akira’s room waiting for him, small tears still in his eyes as he waited. He was still angry though, angry that Akira scared Kageyama for no reason,

When Akira came up to his room, Yuutarou started accusing the second the door closed, it was easy to just be angry, “What is wrong with you! Why would you yell at Kageyama?!”

Akira didn’t seem to be in the mood for his bullshit either, “Why are you yelling at me?! He was apologizing to US! I had to get him to shut up somehow!”

Yuutarou scowled at that, he didn’t want to think rationally, he just wanted to be angry, “By scaring him! What logic does that hold!”

He was pushed back, nearly tripping over stuff left on the ground, “It was better than just saying nothing! And why would YOU call him ‘King’?! Don’t act like you’ve done nothing!”

“Well at least I’m not just letting him be taken away by someone else! Seriously, do you even care about him if you’re just letting other people touch him!?”

Yuutarou was immediately pushed to the ground, he groaned in pain as his back hit Akira’s desk and he glared up at Akira but the boy had a facial expression that he couldn’t even describe.

Akira just stared down at him, breathing heavily before tears streamed down his face and he began yelling so loud that Yuutarou was glad he heard the front door open and close earlier.

“Don’t you fucking DARE use that fact that Kageyama was RAPED as something to hold over my head!”

What

“I was fucking scared! I was going to say something but what was I supposed to say?! ‘Oh hey, I saw Kageyama get raped and I did nothing but wait a while to say anything’ That’s fucking stupid!”

Yuutarou was scared now, Kageyama was raped? How did he never know? What happened? This has to be some kind of sick joke.

“You’re lying.”

Akira stared at him, his lip shaking as he looked to be between a mixture of anger and regret, “Why would I be lying?! Why would I lie about something like this!”

Akira was looking as if he was about to start full on sobbing, Yuutarou didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t want to believe that this happened and he just didn’t know, he didn’t want to believe he did what he did when Kageyama was..

Yuutarou just wanted things to go back to their first year, he’d do better.

He’d watch over Kageyama, he’d do his job as a good soulmate, he wouldn’t be the reason why Kageyama looked so scared.

He stayed there on the ground, just letting Akira scream at him as he felt his own tears hit his face.

Yuutarou wished he paid more attention.

Chapter Text

After Tobio was helped home by Hinata, he was handed off to Hitoka who took him into her arms, tears in her eyes, clinging to him tightly, “I’m sorry.. I should’ve been there.. I’m..” Hitoka buried her face further in him as she cried softly, Tobio just had a blank look though.

He felt so pained and hurt and he just wished it’d go away, Hitoka noticed it luckily and turned to Hinata, “Can you help me take him to his room..” Hinata nodded without a second thought.

The two of them helped Tobio walk to his room, some blood still stuck to his chin, he was laid in his bed but wasn’t paying any attention as Hinata and Hitoka talked over him, Hinata looked as if he was about to start crying as well. Hitoka gave Tobio a small kiss on his hand before leaving with Hinata to their own homes, hearing the last thing said, “Please for the love of god, call me if you need something Tobi.. I’ll come running I promise.!”

Tobio barely gave a nod before he was left all alone. He listened to the front door closing after a few minutes before he sniffled softly, not knowing if he’s wanting to cry again.

He knew he had ruined everything, he'd never be able to get back what he lost and now, his soulmate and new friend had to suffer the consequences of his actions.

He was aware that he was hated by Kunimi and Kindaichi but the things they said about him just felt so disgusting under his skin. The first words that Kunimi had said to him before earlier today was him telling Tobio that he didn’t want to be soulmates and that he thought of him as selfish and controlling. Kindaichi’s were worse, he was called pathetic and was told by him that he would rather cut off his own wrist before being stuck with him for a soulmate.

Tobio knew that to an extent, those words were true. He was selfish for joining the volleyball team at Karasuno, stealing Hinata’s dream of being able to defeat him. Spending less time with Hitoka because he wanted to play more volleyball, making her cry because of his careless decisions. He was a control freak who couldn’t just calm down, he still freaked out over volleyball and would never relax.

And he was pathetic, above all he was pathetic more than anything. 

He could barely go a day without crying his eyes out, he vomited flowers and was letting them consume his being, he can’t even apologize without getting too emotional and breaking down. He was raped and he didn’t do anything.

Tobio’s eyes shut close, trying to push away that thought, he hated thinking about it, he wished he could burn the flowers that tainted his mind. He coughs weakly, turning over and spitting out white peonies petals.

He curled into himself, trying to find a form of structure and the only thing he felt as if he could fall back on was the hatred his soulmates offered him. While it made his body hurt more, he hated the thought of what happened to him in the second year of middle school, anything was better than the idea of that again.

He grabbed the trash can next to his bed, pushing his fingers into his throat, trying to focus on the pain of the flowers and the words said to him as an alternative.

He began to get frustrated, having nothing but a few small petals come out, the thoughts were still there and he just wanted them to go away.

He knew it wouldn’t work though, the more he tried to trail away from the line of thinking the worse it became, until it eventually left him down for the time to come.

Tobio threw the trash can back onto the ground out of frustration and grabbed his blanket, wrapping himself up. Although as he looked up at the darkened ceiling, all he could see was figures waiting for him, one standing in the doorway of his closet.

It crept forward and he couldn’t do anything about it as it slithered over him, a pressure settled into his chest as he looked up at the tall figure, a sickening but familiar smile on its face assumingly.

A caress to his thigh as he turned his head to the side, and closed his eyes, a feeling to his face as if something sharp was being dragged down.

He stayed silent and ever still, just like last time.

~*~

Tobio walked around the gym, his small first year uniform ever so slightly hanging off of him. He looked over at where a group of four was walking, his recently found soulmates.

He stared at them with a yearning in his heart, he’d do anything to be involved with them, to have them hold him how they’d hold each other. For them to kiss his scratches and bruises from rough practices and too firm touches.

He’d take what was given though, he’d never be selfish and take more than was given to him. Besides, he was given plenty, the offer of being a comfort to Kunimi while he slept, Kindaichi having a person to complain to, Iwaizumi having someone to push Oikawa’s problems onto, and Oikawa having someone to make himself feel better.

It was enough as long as they kept a form of attention tied to him, having them in his life was a blessing within itself. Tobio loved what he was given by them.

He sped up his jogging, wanting to at least be closer to them, he saw Kunimi turned his head and gave him a small nod of acknowledgement and it made his heart flutter. It meant they were okay with him being a bit closer to them. 

As the Kitagawa Daiichi volleyball team continued their laps, they eventually turned to actual practice, going in small groups to practice.

Tobio was lucky enough to be allowed by his soulmates to join him, a soft smile on his face as he sat with them as their coach explained what they’d be doing today.

This was great, he adored any time spent with his soulmates, even the day he found out they were his soulmates, he still loved it, the way all the marks on his body practically light made him happy, even if Oikawa gagged at the single sight of him.

Today they were all so nice though, no Oikawa purposely pushing him to the ground, Iwaizumi was staring at him with any kind of hatred, Kunimi was talking to him, and Kindaichi was giving him such gentle touches.

It felt heavenly, like a dream.

At some point the touches began to spread throughout everyone, when Iwaizumi as standing behind him, helping him fix his position, a hand slid down his waist, curling back to squeeze him and he tried to ignore it, not wanting to be ungrateful for all the love and care he’s being given.

It got worse though, and his peripheral vision not noticing how the other people in the gym melted away, leaving him alone with his soulmates. Kindaichi and Kunimi stood on either side of him as they each kept a hand on his back firmly and one holding his arms into the correct position.

It felt off, as if not real.

“Tobio-Chan! Come here!”

And he did, he’d gladly take their attention even if negative, he felt Oikawa wrap his hands around his wrist, pulling him to a bench, Iwaizumi, Kindaichi, and Kunimi following after as he was laid on a bench.

He looked up at them with a confused expression, not knowing why they were acting so funny, “Guys? Aren’t we.. supposed to be playing..?” A shiver went down his spine as he saw a look he’s never seen before plaster across all their faces, “We are.. just stay calm, Kageyama..” Iwaizumi looked so scary like this, he didn’t like it.

Tobio felt Kunimi push his shirt up and he wanted to leave, he didn’t like it, he tried to move up but he was pushed back down by a firm hand of Kindaichi, “Really? You’re acting like a selfish king now?” Kindaichi leaned down to his ear, his lips practically touching, “We’re being kind, don’t push it away..”

Tears trailed down his cheeks as his small face shifted into a new expression his young body hadn't ever made before.

He felt nothing but fear, his clothes being pulled off or pushed to the side by the people he held so close to his heart. He let them near where he was most fragile, conquering his body and mind in an entirety.

As he began to let out small cries as fingers and hands stabbed places that he didn’t want touched, droll dripping down his chin along with snot, he felt like a child, probably because he was one.

Tobio’s vision began to blur as he watched them all pull down their pants ever so slightly, “..please stop.. I’m scared..”

And with the most gentle touch he’s been given in a while, Iwaizumi held his face as if he was the most precious thing in the world, “Oh, Kageyama.. don’t be scared of your soulmates, you want us to be a part of you, right? You did this for someone else, do this for us and we won’t reject you!”

He was confused by the crude words but he was being acknowledged as their soulmate. Kunimi leaned over and kissed him so gently as he felt something move inside of him.

Tobio didn’t want to focus on that, he wanted to focus on the kiss but he couldn’t, no matter what they said, he was still so scared. He opened his teary eyes and silently apologized before biting hard on Kunimi’s lip.

Kunimi jumped back with a curse and suddenly, he didn’t look so young, he looked like the boy he actually knew, a boy now much bigger than him. Tobio looked around, hoping one of the figures would see his view and stop hurting him, but now, they were all older.

They all looked at him as if he was a monster yet he wouldn’t change too, he stayed small under the pressure of them all as he screamed in pain, a stabbing pain became repetitive.

He cried loudly, begging for them to not hurt him, that he was sorry for being so selfish, that he didn’t mean too. He was just scared.

The figures began to change into one, a dark looking figure hovering over him as he cried softly, small hiccups leaving his body, his chest jumping and his eyes shining from the tears, the blue being turned into crystals from the tears.

The figure grinned down at him and handed him a rose.

A false love.

Yet, he desired it, he wanted the love, he reached out a hand and grabbed it, although it made his hand bleed.

Tobio whimpered softly, the figure swallowing him whole as he held onto the rose, the blood red becoming a light pink, he would overlook the pain if it meant he would be able to start anew.

~*~

Tobio woke up drenched in sweat, his own hand laying on his cheek as blood dripped from the scratches. 

He gasped loudly, trying to take in air as his breath quickened, small sobs leaving his mouth as he remembered his dream.

He coughed weakly, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to push away his pain to get up, to move around instead of staying tied to his bed. He instead laid flat as if a paper weighed down on. He cried harder, wanting his Ojiisan to just come in and hold him, for his sister to bring him water as his Ojiisan comforted him and made all the bad things go away.

They wouldn’t though, he was all alone.

He cried harder and stopped but just to gag, he gagged over and over, drool dripping down his face with tears that dried too quickly, his face felt so sticky, it was disgusting, a cruel taunt as if reminding him of what he wished to forget.

Tobio looked up as he began vomiting, his body laying flat as the vomit pooled at his neck and chest, yet he felt unable to move.

He was so confused, he knew his soulmates would never touch him in such a way, he was too disgusting for that. He even remembers that specific day, but they were neither as kind as he had hoped, he was paired with them but the most kindness given to him was a pat on the back from Kunimi and Kindaichi.

He understood why though, he was gross.

Who images getting raped by someone who’s never touched them in such a way.

Who lays in their bed as vomit pooled on their body.

Tobio understood why they didn’t love him, he was ruined beyond repair.

Even then, the thought of them touching him in a way that made him scream in terror wouldn’t leave his mind, would it be like his dream or something else?

Oikawa would probably lead it, he liked seeing him in pain. 

Iwaizumi probably wouldn’t actually do anything, he would just be watching what was happening, but he wouldn’t do anything to help either side.

It was gross to think about but at the same time not, was it as gross as actually going through it?

He doesn’t know, he just kind of wishes he was dead.

Tobio finally began to move after what felt like hours, he sat up, chunks of vomit falling onto the ground as he began to walk to his bathroom, he sniffled weakly, feeling too tired to cry again.

He turned on the bathroom light and began a shower, he just sat on the cold ground as he waited for the water to warm up, the chunks in his hair hitting his face.

He looked down to his right wrist and saw that instead of resting, the band said ‘worried’, he already knew that if he were to go look at his phone, there’d be a lot of texts from Hitoka, but he didn’t want to have her comfort right now, he doesn’t feel as if he earned it.

That didn’t make it not hurt though.

He undressed slowly, the vomit causing his shirt to stick to his chest, but he then stepped into the shower, his body flinching as the water pressed down on him. Although he couldn't stand much longer, he pushed himself to the floor of his shower, his head hanging low as the water poured onto him.

It took a while before he finally began to clean himself, he felt gross still, he ended up just pouring an entire bottle of body wash on himself, wanting to get rid of the smell at least but it was as if he was stained, he couldn’t escape no matter how hard he tried.

It wasn’t enough, he’s always going to be stained one way or another, the dark red tears in his soulmarks would forever hold that truth.

He stumbles out of the shower, turning it off and going over to the sink. He barely looks in the mirror before throwing a towel over it, not wanting to look at it right now.

He drinks a bit of water, spitting it out to have his mouth cleaned. He rubbed his nose softly and brushed his teeth, feeling so tired and sick, he didn’t want to go to school in the morning.

Tobio threw open one of the cabinets and grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen, he stared at it before pouring his usual four into his hand, as he looked at it though, he thought it wouldn’t be enough. He poured more into his hand, not stopping till there was around twenty in his hand.

He knew he’d be fine, he’d taken more in middle school before.

He swallowed them all in three different turns, downing it all before avoiding his room and heading to his Ojiisan’s room. He laid down, trying to embrace any smell or sign of him, but he’s already laid in the bed too many times.

Tobio surrounded himself in the pillows, trying to make it seem as if there was someone with him, he didn’t care who, he just wanted someone here with him.

~*~

Tobio was walking to school with Hitoka, her hand playing with his right wrist, tracing over all the small marks of his skin.

He was glad she was, he felt so dizzy, he kept trying to look forward and focus but he couldn’t, he felt so bad.

Hitoka looked over at him, worry laced across her face as she leaned towards him more, Tobio almost hanging off of her at this point, “Do you want to go back home? We can both just call in sick!”

She said, trying to help lift his mood a bit but it was all in vain, he felt too sick to focus on her words too much and too disappointed in himself to go home, “..it.. is fine.. I’m fine..” It was obvious she didn’t believe him, but she still gently walked him towards the gym so he could start morning practice. 

The only person there at this point was Hinata, who came over and got Tobio from her, he was led to a bench and as soon as he sat down, he began drifting off, soft hiccups coming from him, other than that, he seemed dead.

“I’ll watch over him, don’t worry!”

Hinata exclaimed to Hitoka, she smiled gently and waved bye to Tobio, still clearly worried about him and his well being.

Before Hinata made it back over to him, his face turned down and he fell asleep, vomit rising as he fell onto the ground.

~*~

Time has passed since the Aoba Johsai practice match, Tobio has gotten better, although it was mostly due to the works of Hitoka, with a bit of Hinata making sure he was busy enough to not be too focused on what was going on in his head.

Despite telling neither of them of what happened in middle school, it was clear that Hitoka practically knew already, especially seeing as after one night, finally answering her call after a nightmare with him crying to her, begging for her to get them off of him and that they wouldn’t go away.

Hitoka has become a bit wary of his teammates, he tries to help her calm down though, not wanting her to worry like he has.

Although what made her really worried is when he was helping Azumane come back to the club.

Tobio knew the boy wouldn’t hurt him though, especially with how he had begged Azumane to come back after figuring out that he and Nishinoya were soulmates.

With all his memories so clear in his head from the practice match, terror ran through his body at the thought of the two soulmates being distant from one another. It wasn’t a good sign, especially since he knows what happened when he didn’t have his soulmates with him, two events lingering in his head.

Tobio remembered how he had been bowed down, hands wrapped around his stomach as his fears and worries left his mouth, begging Azumane to return, that even if he felt as if he was bad or that he couldn’t do something, that it’d be okay.

That he could get better, he could change if he needed too.

Although when he straightened up, all he saw was worry and concern, but a promise to try and return, so it was enough for him. And it worked, overhearing from Daichi and Sugawara that they had seen Azumane and Nishinoya making up, laughs leaving their mouths so he could only assume good things.

There was one problem though, after it had become clear to him as to why Hitoka was worried over his teammates, he began to see them in his nightmares.

He hated those ones more than his soulmates, because they acted as if they carried for him, but suddenly every kind touch from Sugawara made him want to collapse, to give in to hopefully ease him to not make it hurt as much.

Tanaka’s loud words of encouragement twisting into yells to lay down, to just take what’s given to him if he wanted to be good. Ennoshita being kind and helping care for him when even he didn’t know that he was beginning to panic, it all twisted into the gentle rub on his left wrist turning into full hands grabbing and holding him down.

The worst ones were Hinata though.

Tobio and Hinata were for once doing something other than volleyball, the two had decided that they were going to just raid a bunch of food and have Hinata show him some movies he’s never seen.

He had a dumb smile on his face, he loved doing things like this, even if he had only ever done it with Hitoka and Ojiisan before.

He made a reminder that he should do this with both Hitoka and Hinata, they were both very bright, he thinks they’d get along even without plotting their odd plans. Hinata was holding the basket as he dragged Tobio down the aisles, grabbing his favorite stuff, “Oh! And then we should watch Life of Pi! I watched it when it first came out and BLA! The effects were so cool!”

Tobio loved how bright Hinata was about everything, he envy’s the willpower he holds, but at the same time glad that Hinata is willing to use it on him in a way that makes him feel so lightheaded, “Yeah, yeah! We aren’t going to get to it though if you keep trying to get a million things!”

He didn’t really care though, he was buying it all for them, and he wanted to treat Hinata, he just wanted to buy him a thousand things if it meant he’d always see the look on Hinata’s face that he saw right now.

Hinata pushed against him slightly but he just followed after him, he loved the feeling he got around the boy, and after they bought all their snacks, they began a walk to Hinata’s house, and if Tobio slid closer to the boy than usual, who’s going to punish him for it.

“My sister has been DYING to meet you as well! I talk about you a few times to my family and all of a sudden, they want to see you more than me?! Rude, right!” Tobio just nodded, trying to keep his face as relaxed as possible, it's nice to hear that Hinata’s family wants to know him, Hitoka’s mother was too busy sometimes to really care for meeting him, he didn’t blame her though, he’s been told he looks kind of scary.

When they arrived at Hinata’s house, he was immediately greeted by Hinata’s mother, “Oh, hello! You must be this Kageyama Hinata is talking about! It’s a pleasure to meet you!” The woman was very polite and Tobio shook her hand, ignoring Hinata trying to pull him away already, “It’s nice to meet you too. Thank you for letting me come over..”

The woman smiled politely and seemingly before she could embarrass Hinata, Tobio was tugged away to Hinata’s bedroom, as soon as they reached their, Hinata groaned and collapsed into his mattress, Tobio grabbed the bag of food and drinks thrown on the ground and began neatly putting them onto the desk close to Hinata’s bed.

Hinata’s eyes stayed glued to him as he did so, his face half buried in one of his pillows as he watched Tobio move, long fingers with carefully cared for nails gently laying things out for them, Hinata chuckled before sitting up, “Thank you, Kageyama..!” He said in a teasing tone, causing a bag of candy to get thrown into his face.

Tobio laughed at the boy as he rubbed his nose and sat next to him, Hinata pulled out his laptop from underneath his bed and grabbed the DVD for the first movie they were matching, “You’ll love it, promise! We need to fill your brain before you go completely dumb!” Tobio glared at him and flicked his forehead, “Hey! I get better grades than you, dumbass! I’ve been getting great eighties for your information!”

His voice was a bit smug but a playful smile laid on his face as he felt Hinata push his hand into his mouth and shoved him lightly.

They went into a soft silence as the movie began, he leaned his head down onto the shorter boy’s, feeling content, but he began to think it was going to be ruined as he felt a gag coming, Hinata noticed immediately though and grabbed a trash bag from under his bed, “If you feel like doing the flower thing, I made sure to store bags under my bed this morning!”

Hinata handed him the bag and laid back against Tobio, and he felt his heart flutter, Hinata was so nice, he liked it, his soulmates barely even noticed when he completely bruised the left side of his face after one of the third years purposefully threw a ball as hard as they could into his face.

He felt gently rubs to his back as he began to cough up some flowers, it was a bit calming though, it didn’t hurt too much, just the usual burn of having something go up his throat but other than that, the petals were soft, the hand on his back being so comforting, he even felt a small kiss to his neck that he tried not to think too much about, knowing he’d go ablaze if he did.

Even afterwards, instead of a look of disturbance, Hinata seemed caring if not a bit angry, but Tobio knew it wasn’t towards him. The bag was gently slid out of his fingers and was placed inside another bag and thrown near the door before arms gently slid around him, comforting him as the movie continued.

Hinata was nice for reasons Tobio didn’t understand, he had absolutely no reason or any ties to stay with or near him, yet he did.

Tobio made it through two more movies with Hinata before he fell asleep with him and Hinata slightly tangled together.

~*~

Tobio hated dreams where he knew it was a dream, he knew he didn’t feel real yet things would still happen to him as if they were real, the idea of pain being so burned into him that he’d wake up with pains as if he was hurt in the way he imagined.

He couldn’t even make it stop, even as he knew where the dream was going, so instead, he was forced to watch as a predator look that he’s imagined on so many people’s faces, morph into Hinata, a creature practically growing from the sickness that was his past.

Tobio only able to let out screams and cries, pleas to leave him alone, that he was supposed to be the good one, that he would’ve made him happy and not treat him like the disposable trash he was. Instead, a sound that didn’t even sound like Hinata left his mouth, “You really think I was your friend?”

‘Yes, I really wanted for us to be friends!’

Nothing left his mouth though, just cries and whines, no wonder those two didn’t stop, he just looked and sounded pathetic.

The Hinata creature was just touching everything, hands dipping into every part of him, and his body did nothing, he squirmed but never fought.

Did he ever even say no then?

Was he even raped? Was he just going crazy?

Sometimes the nightmares seemed so clear, as if they were actually happening, almost as if they were faulty memories.

Then he’d wake up and nothing actually happened.

Nanjo was nice, he was well liked by a lot of people, even Iwaizumi and Oikawa liked Nanjo better as a kouhai.

He barely knew Nanjo.

It had to be a lie.

Though every time he thought of Nanjo, it hurt, as if he was still there.

Yet when he looked up, the monster taking form in Hinata was touching him, and was  currently doing the thing he was most scared of but when he thought of Hinata, he wasn’t scared.

Hinata didn’t do anything, neither did Hitoka, or Sugawara, or any of his other senpais, or his fellow first years.

They didn’t hurt him, but Nanjo and Lily did.

“You really had to mess up another group of people, didn’t you, Tobio-Chan?”

Please leave Oikawa, he felt scared enough, with Nanjo and Lily, he didn’t need them to scare him more.

“..You’re a pathetic king who can’t even do the one thing he’s supposed to be good at..”

Suddenly, he wasn't getting touched anymore, as his soulmates stood in his field of vision. They stared at him as if he did something wrong.

Tobio knew he didn’t though, he didn’t understand why they hated him so much in the beginning. 

They hated him though, when he looked into their eyes, all he saw was the disgust they held towards him.

He didn’t..

He didn’t deserve that though, they could’ve at least just told him that they didn’t want to be that close instead of rejecting him.

Instead of pushing him to the side, names and rumors being spread about him, being degraded when all he wanted to do was catch up to them.

Tobio hated his soulmates.

~*~

Tobio woke up in his room, his eyes trying to track what was going on.

After his visit with Hinata, he fell ill, dealing with overheating and constant vomiting, his body hurt and he felt so tired.

He spent most of his time sleeping yet they all ended in nightmares.

Tobio started crying, coughing and drooling all over himself as he sobbed, he hated them so much, this was their fault.

His soulmates, this wouldn’t have happened if they just were there for him, it wasn’t fair.

He cried harder and Hitoka came rushing in, having been in the kitchen making the two of them some drinks, she rushed towards him, reaching to grab the trash can in case he was going to throw up again.

Tobio reached for her though and she gladly accepted the hug, holding him as he cried, placing her cool palm on his steaming forehead, trying to help him relax.

He looked up at her, his lip trembling, “I..I hate them so much..”

Hitoka looked confused, pushing herself more onto the bed to better hug him, “Who, Tobio? What’s wrong..” A gentle hand ran through his hair, “..my soulmates…”

He gave a weak cough, holding onto her tighter, “They did this.. they hurt me.. I hate them so much..” Hitoka’s arms squeezed tighter around him, and she leaned her body down onto his, and she began to softly sob.

“..thank you… thank you so much..”

Tobio wouldn’t let them hurt him again, and Hitoka knew that, because before, he thought it was okay.

Chapter Text

By the time Tobio got back to school, Hinata had jumped him at the entrance of the gym, hugging him tightly while apologies dripped from his mouth, “I’m so sorry, Yamayama! I didn’t mean to make you start throwing up! Are you feeling better!” Tobio couldn’t help the smile that came to his face, he was happy to see how much Hinata cared for him.

“You’re fine.. it’s not your fault..” Tobio gently, as gentle as he was feeling, pushed Hinata away, making the boy stumble slightly but the orange haired boy just beamed back up, going back to clinging to his arm, “I’m glad! Good news too!”

Hinata hopped in front of him, a smile plastered on his face, “We have a practice match against another team! Isn’t that great?!” The boy’s excitement was infectious as Tobio brightened up at the mention of being able to play more volleyball, “Who? What team? You can’t just tell me so little information, dumbass!” 

Hinata smiled even wider, happy to see Tobio acting like himself more, “Nekoma! Apparently the coach wants to see what’s up with Karasuno! Like stuff about an old dumpster battle! Doesn’t that sound awesome?!” Tobio smirked softly down at the boy, “Awesome? Like the last practice match where you messed up eighty-percent of the time?”

Hinata gasped and pulled his hair, as the two of them playfully fought, Tobio couldn’t help but feel glad he was rejected, if not, he wouldn’t have met Hinata and Hitoka, he loves them both.

~*~

Once they arrived at Nekoma High School, Hinata had run off somewhere, Tobio didn’t mind though, surprisingly, he was hanging out with Ennoshita.

Ennoshita was very kind to him, although Tobio thinks he knows about his soulmate situation. He’s seen the boy look at his wrist many times, too many times for it to be an accident.

Tobio doesn’t think he’d mind if Ennoshita knew though, plus, he felt better after he had told Hinata, and his Doctor said it’d be good to talk about, and with his most recent visit, he was told that no one would be mad at HIM for being rejected, and so far that seemed true enough.

After Ennoshita got done helping Daichi-san making sure everything was in order, he grabbed Ennoshita’s sleeve gently, “Umm.. Ennoshita-senpai..? Could I speak with you?” Ennoshita smiled up at him, “Sure, no need to be so formal, Kageyama-kun.”

Daichi turned to the two of them, telling them to at least be quick as they had to get a move on, Tobio nodded and led Ennoshita to where they’d have a bit of privacy.

Once the area was quiet, just the soft sound of breathing filling the two crows’ ears, Tobio turned, looking down at Ennoshita, “You.. you know about my.. situation..?”

Ennoshita raised an eyebrow and folded his arms, making a quick glance to his wrist, “I think so.. I’m sorry..” He sighed and reached out a hand to Tobio.

Tobio took a second before he laid his wrist in Ennoshita’s hand, the boy was trustworthy and Tobio wanted someone else to know, someone he trusted. “I’ve been wanting to tell people and my doctor encouraged and.. you’ve been a great senpai, someone who doesn’t have a job to teach me anything either like Sugawara-senpai or Daichi-senpai who’s the coach.. and Hinata and me do that quick..”

Tobio bit his bottom lip, getting a bit teary eyed, “You don’t have a reason like them.. and I want you to know..”

Tobio looked at Ennoshita and wiped his eyes before opening his mouth again.

“..That my soulmates rejected me-“

“..That you cut yourself-“

Oh, that actually makes more sense, Tobio feels a bit like he did in middle school, completely stupid. Although Ennoshita seemed to be a bit panicked so he tried to help defuse it, “Umm, I haven’t ever hurt myself like that if that makes you feel better-“

“Some assholes WHAT?!” Ennoshita let go of his wrist like it was on fire and began panicking, “Are you okay- how are you alive?! Who was it?!” Ennoshita turned and looked back to where the rest of their team should be before turning back to Tobio, “Are you okay?!” 

Tobio couldn’t help himself as his face became slightly red, he couldn’t believe Ennoshita was this worried about him, he had expected a reaction but not full blown panicking, “..I’m okay, sorry I had thought you knew..” 

Ennoshita moved forward and hugged him tightly, making him tense up in his arms before returning it. It was comforting and it made him feel more whole.

He teared up softly before letting them fall, letting himself melt in Ennoshita’s arms, “..tell us who did it.. okay..?”

Tobio nodded against Ennoshita and let out a shaky breath, his doctor was right.

Tobio bursts into tears, someone cared about him, he knew Hitoka and Hinata did but still, he wanted to be cared for by more, he wanted to be cared for by the people that were supposed to love him romantically, he wanted someone who could love him like that, and Ennoshita was holding him so kind and lovingly, he wanted more of it.

He just wanted love.

~*~

It was time for the Interhigh Preliminaries, and Tobio was both scared and excited, he was scared when they were going to eventually face off his soulmates, but also excited to beat them, to show that he can be good without them, that he isn’t weighted down by their stupid decisions.

Yet when the match came, he failed, he stood in front of his soulmates, he watched as they were happy together, without him. The way Kunimi smiled in a way he hadn’t even seen from afar.

He was pathetic, he couldn’t do what he’s supposed to be good at, just like Oikawa said.

He wasn’t enough to be protected and held like Iwaizumi did with everyone but him.

He was nothing, no one would ever love him.

As Tobio was leaving with the rest of the team, tears in his eyes and so many of the others' eyes, he felt weak, so weak. He turned away, wanting to just go cry in a bathroom, to break down and just let himself break.

As he was leaving to the bathroom, just wanting to be alone when he heard someone call out his name.

Tobio doesn’t think he was angrier than he was right now when he turned around and saw his false soulmates, they had the nerve to look even the slightest sympathetic.

He just couldn’t believe how stupid they were, they’ve come to mock him, talk down on him as if he's failed. He lost to them, Tobio wanted to prove he could make something of himself without them and their support but he couldn’t, he was nothing.

“What do you guys want? Don’t you have a game to prepare for tomorrow?” Tobio felt he had a right to be a bit snobby, he glared at the four of them as only three of them flinched back at his tone, Oikawa seemed ever still though.

“We.. we want to talk.. please, can we just talk, Kageyama?” Iwaizumi looked at him with desperate eyes, small tears in his eyes as he stood in front of Tobio who’s taller than what Iwaizumi had in mind. “About what? If it’s about..” Tobio took a deep breath, trying to control himself as he felt like the bones in his chest were shifting around.

His lungs tightened, pain filling his chest as he tried not to panic, “… if it’s about us being soulmates then I don’t want to talk about it.. you guys can’t do that to me..” The more Tobio spoke, the less firm his voice became and the more timid it pushed out.

Iwaizumi opened his mouth but nothing came out, blinking repeatedly as Tobio watched more tears fill the eyes he once looked up into like they actually cared for him. 

Tobio so wanted to feel joy from the sadness that was beginning to spread like a disease throughout them all but he was most infected, he desired to see them happy even as he hated them like the scum they were. Kindaichi moved forward before stepping back once again after he flinched at the sight of the taller boy coming close. “Kageyama.. please just..” a deep breath through the boy’s nose before he stepped closer again, a gentle hand reaching forward, “As much as we want to apologize and.. get you back.. we know it’s not possible.. we just want to-“

“Make it worse? Call me names again?” 

Tobio didn’t care what they had to say, he wanted Hinata, his chest was hurting so much and it was staining his entire body, he felt scared and pained. His lips were twitching as he tried to keep a solid face, not wanting to cry in front of them.

“Kageyama! No, okay? We don’t want that, we just want to make sure you’re okay.. I NEED to know you’re okay!” Kunimi pushed Kindaichi away, shoving himself into Tobio’s arms and looking at him with a desperate look, gripping his shoulders in a way that was last down by Oikawa. “I.. I saw..”

Tobio didn’t know what Kunimi was talking about but he just wanted him to stop touching him, he didn’t like it anymore. “I said I don’t care! Just let me leave and go home! This was stupid anyways, why would you try to talk to me now anyways?!”

Kunimi was shoved back with the other three, and Tobio was too distracted by himself to notice Oikawa who was getting more and more aggravated, “I told you, I don’t want to talk RIGHT NOW! You are all acting stupid so just fuck off!-“

Oikawa shut him up by finally doing what he tried to do so long ago.

Tobio finally let a few tears fall, his cheek burning as a handprint slowly formed from the rough impact. Tobio stared back at Oikawa, the older boy looking to have zero regrets as the two’s other three soulmates stood wide eyed.

“You’re still so selfish.. We’re trying to apologize for what we did, you could at least pay attention for once! THIS is why we fucking rejected you! You’re pathetic and selfish!” 

Iwaizumi moved forward, grabbing Oikawa’s shoulder, “Calm down! Let’s just go..” Oikawa pushed Iwaizumi back, never once letting his eyes leave Tobio.

Tobio was beginning to choke, he could feel the flowers coming up and this time, he couldn’t stop them, he was suffocating and he was so scared that this was going to be it.

It’s never felt like this before, not even when he was first rejected, and Oikawa still didn’t even care about the pain he was causing. 

“Just looking at you makes me sick! Stop crying like I did something wrong, this is all your fault! Everything was fine until YOU ruined everything, you took everything from me!” Oikawa was crying now, and Tobio didn’t know how to take it. He was beginning to sob and was hiccuping as he tried to stop the flow of tears, he didn’t know what he did wrong.

He hates that no matter how much he wants to hate them all, especially Oikawa, something won’t let him and he hates that more. He’s too pathetic to even stand up for himself, just standing there and letting himself be insulted. “Stop.. please just stop.. I’m sorry..” 

Tobio was beginning to cough harder and he heard sharp gasps as he choked out petals, his vision was blurring and he felt like with one wrong move, he’d fall. Oikawa just kept going though, he didn’t know why and he wasn’t even sure if Oikawa even knew why, “So they are real.. I used to feel so intimidated by you but I’ve realized it doesn’t matter, you’re just pathetic..! Is that why you let yourself get raped!? Because we didn’t look at you enough! Do you realize how pathetic that makes you?!”

Tobio threw up, tears streaming down his face as he couldn’t find his breath. He was sinking so badly and it hurt so much, everything was burning, his body was shutting down.

He didn’t know if he was lucky when Kunimi moved forward and pushed Oikawa to the ground, screaming at him, asking what he was doing this for but he doesn’t think that he’s going to make it to see the answer.

He can’t breathe and still, his soulmates aren’t focusing on him, they’d rather just be mad and yell at Oikawa, he didn’t matter.

Yellow and purple hyacinths surrounded him as he began to lose his vision, but as if a prayer was being answered, he felt arms wrapped around him, trying to help him up. He looked up and felt a gentle hand wiping his teary eyes and with that, he was able to see Ennoshita trying to help him up while Hinata was yelling at his soulmates again.

Hinata really was like a knight, a person who protected him no matter what.

Ennoshita looked down at Tobio, ignoring the vomit that covered Tobio like a veil, “Come- Come on..! You have to stand to help.. I can’t move you on my own.. please just start moving..” Tobio hates how scared Ennoshita sounded, it wasn’t a nice voice for him.

Tobio pushed his legs, trying to get a stance to help Ennoshita, it’d be easier if he was short, if he was smaller, like in middle school. That was nice.

His Ojiisan was always able to just lift him up with ease, even at his weakest. 

He’d be lifted up and carried to a bath his Ojiisan prepared for him after he threw up. And afterwards his Ojiisan would gently brush his hair, getting rid of any chunks that remained. He was carried so lovingly.

Those thoughts were replaced slowly by a blonde hair girl, whose gentle hands held him as he picked away petals instead of food chunks.

A warm sweater that held him even when left alone, comfort given to show that he wasn’t alone.

He doesn’t remember getting on the bus but he does remember hearing Shimizu-san calling someone, while also ordering around his teammates.

Tobio felt a bit lightheaded as there were multiple things happening, gentle hands holding back his hair and rubbing his back soothingly as he continued to cough up flowers, his body shaking nonstop.

He felt someone whisper to him, telling him they’d be back home soon, that everything would be okay, and they could go back to Hitoka.

Hinata, it was him.

He turned his body, looking for the blur of orange and when he found it, he laid his head against Hinata’s shoulder, resting, hoping he’d wake up again.

~*~

It was true.

All his nightmares, all his fears, they were true.

Tobio knew he should’ve known that they at least knew he got raped, they’re soulmates, plus, if Nanjo was in on Kunimi and Kindaichi’s plan, they had to have known.

They probably wanted him to get raped.

They may have even just let the monster do it to get a reason to reject him.

He deserved it.

Tobio always knew he deserved it.

That’s probably why he just let it happen.

It was his fault.

He gagged at the taste in his mouth, metallic.

He felt himself being touched, he leaned into it.

Tobio almost hoped they’d rape him.

The feeling of being raped by someone he at least knew would be better.

Tobio felt his shirt being moved off his body and he jerked up.

~*~

Tobio coughed out a sob when he woke up, as his eyes weakly opened, he felt embarrassed as he saw multiple of his teammates staring at him, Ennoshita was gently holding his head in his lap and Sugawara was taking off his blood and vomit soaked shirt.

Hinata, who was sitting next to him, jumped into a hug, letting out small wet gasps, “Kage… KAGEYAMA..! You’re okay.. I thought you.. you were gonna…!” Hinata whined softly into his chest and held him tighter, concern radiating off him.

Daichi who was close as well was pulling Hinata off of him while Sugawara and Ennoshita helped him stand up, he was moved off the bus and he saw his other teammates standing around awkwardly, although he saw the familiar sight of his bloody flowers on Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

Tanaka seemed to be fuming while the others seemed to be in a similar state of anger, just less obvious over it.

Ukai and Takeda were busy calling someone before Ukai came over and pulled him away from Ennoshita and Sugawara, Tobio gasped softly at the sudden movement but tried to silence himself when he saw multiple people freeze from the pained movement. Ukai gently helped him lean on him before turning to the team, “HEY! While I, and I’m sure Kageyama, appreciate the help, y’all need to get on home! Move your asses! And if I hear any wind of this.. situation.. getting spread around then ALL of you will be begging for a break from moving all together!”

Most people began leaving without hesitation, which made Tobio feel better. He felt humiliating enough, although Hinata, Ennoshita, and all of the third years seemed to linger.

Ukai glared at them, more concerned with the boy in his arms who was a blink away from death.

Takeda came over and looked at the remaining five boys, he seemed to be actually glad they stayed, “Umm.. news..! There’s apparently no one home to come and get Kageyama-kun or care for him at the moment.. So would one or two of you be able to come help us?” 

Tobio hides his face against Ukai, trying not to tear up at the fact he had no family to go home to, no one to care about him like a parent or sibling should. 

In the end, it ends up with Asahi and Sugawara-senpai being able to come, although from the little bit Kageyama was still able to hear over the intense ringing that was getting louder in his ears, Hinata practically was arguing with their senpais that he should be allowed to go.

Even as Hinata left, Tobio felt a tight hug from the shorter boy. It was nice to know that even with people he is comfortable with, Hinata is still willing to argue for him and protect him.

Tobio was helped into Takeda’s car by Ukai and he and the other two went and sat in the back. On the drive home, he just wished they would leave him alone at home, just drop him off and leave, the idea that they were going to hurt him wouldn’t stop and he just wanted to cry in bed.

He didn’t want comfort, he wanted to be sad, to be afraid.

He adored Oikawa for so long, even now, he looks for him in other people, like Kozume-san and Sugawara-senpai. Did that mean they wanted to see him be hurt too? To relish in the fact that he was raped? Is that why Sugawara-senpai chose to come and help?

Tobio almost wished they’d just rape him so maybe those thoughts could at least be slowed, because then they’d be true.

Chapter Text

Tooru didn’t like himself very much, even before he met Tobio, he just didn’t like himself. 

He wasn’t good at much, and he wanted to be the best at the one thing he could actually do, he needed something to hold onto, to stabilize himself with. 

Tooru didn’t want to just be pushed to the side and forgotten, he wanted to be viewed as the best in someone else’s eyes. He hated that he was the best to Tobio. He hated that he was selfish, that he wanted to watch Tobio crumble. Tobio most definitely donated to his self-hatred, because how could he hate someone so kind to him.

Tobio treated him so well, there was so much the boy did for him that he never appreciated because he was scared, Tooru has never hated someone so much.

Then Tobio slowly began to appear in his dreams, ones where it was just the two of them, the smaller boy always looking at him with the starry eyes he saved for only him, one’s he doesn’t even look at Hajime with.

Tooru knew he ruined any chance of Tobio ever looking at him with anything but fear.

~*~

Tobio was so talented, it was just unfair. The boy was already doing things that he took so long to learn. Tooru felt as if the boy was sent to hurt him, even if the boy has done nothing at all to show so, the boy had to be up to something. 

He would do anything to make sure Tobio didn’t catch up to him, to make sure the boy was never able to improve. So if he said a few things to their teammates to make them not want to practice with Tobio then what of it. Besides if anything, the boy deserved it, he was just born with his skills, he didn’t have to work hard or anything. Hell, Tooru wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first time Tobio actually played and was just using his stupid luck to get good.

Then that stupid, stupid, boy had to ruin everything and replace him on the court. Tooru didn’t care if it was just one time, if it wasn’t the boy’s decision, he was tired .

When the boy with his bright, adorable, adoring, pure eyes came up to him, asking him to teach Tobio the last thing Tooru had to himself, he lost it, he looked at the small boy and moved fast, wanting to hit the boy, to tackle him down, to rip his face off, choke him-

But a hand wrapped around his wrist, Hajime stared at him with a disgusted disappointed look and Tooru nearly snapped out of it, he looked to the small boy, seeing the boy’s confused eyes but the boy then flinched and looked to his small wrist. Tooru’s eyes followed but no..

He moved under Hajime’s arm and snapped Tobio’s wrist into his hand, holding it in a tight grip to the point that his nails were digging into the small teary-eyed boy.

The mark that was laid on Hajime, Yuutarou, and Akira was on Tobio’s wrist.

Tooru was going to vomit, he was terrified, he couldn’t have anything to himself, his soulmates were going to leave him, they were going to see that Tobio was stronger, funnier, cuter, and then leave him.

He would have nothing, he is nothing, this boy had to hate him too if he was doing all of this.

He had run out of the room and ended up throwing up, breaking down as he realized that nothing could ever just belong to him, there was nothing special to him, he had nothing to be proud of.

And sweet Hajime proclaimed that he’d stay with him forever, that he’d never leave him for Tobio. He had Hajime, and neither of them needed stupid Tobio-Chan.

~*~

On the day of graduation, they were saying goodbye to all of them. Tooru was so excited to leave, to start high school and get better, improve more than Tobio could.

There was one thing he was scared about leaving, because despite despising Tobio down to his very core, he wasn’t stupid and he had a talent at reading people. He saw how Nanjo looked at Tobio, although he seemed to be the only one to see the underlying tones. Akira and Hajime didn’t even notice it, Yuutarou was just slightly jealous but otherwise seemed to have little concern for it.

The boy had weird stares that made Tooru gag at more than Tobio’s constant following, he trusted that Yuutarou would at least find it out though, no matter how much Yuutarou tried to listen to what he said, the younger always seemed to just return his gaze to Tobio-Chan.

He pushed those thoughts aside, turning to Hajime, his first soulmate, the one who loves him most. 

They entered high school together and it was incredible, back to the old times with just the two of them. While Tooru loves Akira and Yuutarou, he loved his time with Hajime most.

Being able to just be with Hajime was the best thing that could’ve been done for him, but no, it all had to be ruined by stupid Ushijima. That stupid ace was ruining everything for him. He was working so hard to get better, so focused on beating Ushijima that he forgot all about Tobio.

Then time passed and he was in his second year of high school and that match happened, he watched as Tobio, who was supposed to be better than him, failed. If Tobio failed, what did that mean for him?!

That selfish little brat ruined everything, he couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror without seeing the boy’s stupid mark right over his lung, he hated that boy.

He wanted him to suffer.

So Tooru made him suffer, he rejected the boy, relishing in the pain he inflicted onto the brat.

It was satisfying until it wasn’t.

~*~

When his third and final year of high school started, Hajime never once let him forget what he did, and Tooru understood why.

He had never felt so separated from his soulmates because unlike them, he meant it when he said he hated Tobio, they didn’t, they had feelings for him since the beginning, they cared for him since the beginning. Tooru wasn’t going to lie and say he did, he didn’t, he hated Tobio, when he rejected Tobio, he wanted him to die. He wanted to go to Tobio’s funeral just to see him dead. Tooru wanted to hurt his Tobio.

And that’s why Tooru hated himself too much to even try to love Tobio, he knew he was sick. The other three wanted Tobio back, he didn’t. Tooru knew that whether they liked it or not, they are what killed Tobio, even if he’s not actually dead yet.

Tooru knows that he couldn’t be in Tobio’s life if he didn’t get help, he didn’t trust himself to not hurt the boy, he didn’t trust Akira and Yuutarou to snap at the boy when he made mistakes, he didn’t trust Hajime to not leave the boy behind.

They failed their chance, and he accepted it.

But when Hajime suggested a practice match, a chance to see his Tobio, he practically leaped at the chance. He wanted to see Tobio, to know he was alive, that he was breathing, and that he was doing well.

But he couldn’t do it, the day before he was supposed to see his soulmate, he froze up. He didn’t even know what he’d do or say. Tooru knew he couldn’t stand in front of anyone and properly look at Tobio, he’d embarrass himself, he’d break down and beg for Tobio’s forgiveness.

For Tobio to show him how he can stop being so angry, to go back to being the bright-eyed boy who believed him to be the best setter ever. To be the guy that Tobio would look up to no matter what, gentle eyes that seem so loving and he could show he could love them too. To be the only special one towards Tobio, he didn’t want anyone to see the eyes that he saw when he looked down into Tobio’s. Those were his eyes.

Tooru couldn’t tell if he had hurt his ankle on purpose, although he thinks it’s an accident, he was practicing and his thoughts were already filled with Tobio, and when he practiced with Tobio in mind, it was never a good thing because that part of him that infested any hope of love for the blue-eyes with stars would grow.

~*~

He still ended up being able to make it to the match and he felt angry, because when he got there at first, everything was fine. Tobio was there, he still had a slightly roundish face and the deep blue hair that has been burned into his memory.

Though his mouth did whatever he didn’t want it to, as Hajime dragged him over to the side to get stretching, he leaned forward to him, whispering in his ear, “..keep an eye on the carrot top with the number five..” Then Hajime leaned back and walked to the rest of the team, not elaborating anything or letting him ask for him to.

That’s when it started, Tooru knew people and he knew looks, and that fucking number five was giving HIS Tobio the same eyes that Nanjo guy and many others gave him. Sure, while he could admit to himself that the boy clearly had no crude underlinings to his looks, that piece of shit was still giving eyes to something that was his.

What’s worse is the boy seems to know of the situation, if it’s anything to go off of how that little thing looks at him and his other three soulmates.

Then that little brat spiked the ball into his face, his nose began to bleed and he was pulled out, and when he turned and saw Tobio, suddenly he just felt angry towards the boy, because if he thought about it, this was Tobio’s fault too.

And when after the match, the match that they lost, he didn’t care if it was just a practice match, it made him angry. Afterwards, he went to go find Tobio, he wanted to see his kouhai, he wanted to see how he acted towards him, he wanted to know if Tobio would be scared or still have that annoyingly adorable look on his face,

Instead he found the annoying number five, the little thing was glaring at him, although Tooru ignored him and tried to walk past him when he was stopped, “Why are you looking for Kageyama if you rejected him?”

Tooru snapped his head back to the boy and glared, this brat had no right to talk to him about Tobio, he didn’t know anything, “And what do you know? I’m just looking for Tobio-chan to talk to him, none of your business.” He scowled, he was upset enough and he knew Hajime wouldn’t tolerate him making another mistake and saying something wrong to Tobio.

The orange haired boy frowned and furrowed his eyebrows at him, “It is my business! He’s MY friend and you hurt him!” Tooru didn’t like that, and while he knew he should be more upset with the fact that the boy knows he hurt Tobio, he couldn’t stand the idea of Tobio being anyone else’s.

“Your friend? He’s MY soulmate, no matter what!” Tobio would forgive him, Tobio adored him, “He’s going to be fine, I just need to talk to him!” The brat started pushing back against him, making him frustrated, “Well he doesn’t want to talk, and if you wanted to talk to him, why didn’t you do it MONTHS ago? I’m sure he would’ve enjoyed it..”

Tooru stood up straight, towering over the shorter boy and he could see slight fear in the boy’s face but the shorter one still tried his best to stand strong, “You don’t know anything and it shows.. I would’ve talked to him but I didn’t know where he was, now just let me through.”

“You knew him for three years and yet you don’t even know where he lives?”

Tooru ignored the question, he was too angry to learn anything about his blue-eyed soulmate and it’s none of this kid’s business, “Shut up. Where’s Tobio-chan?”

The orange haired boy scowled and pushed back against him again, “No! Just leave him alone! You don’t care about him, if you did, you wouldn’t have rejected him! That’s what this is about, YOU rejected him, YOU lost your chance for the damage you made that can’t be changed!”

He knows he lost his chance, but he still deserves his soulmate, that’s his soulmate.

“Just SHUT UP! It’s none of your business, stay out of it!”

“No! You hurt him and you’re just going to do it again!”

Tooru just left, he wasn’t dealing with this, Akira and Yuutarou could, he just couldn’t do it.

He went off to find Hajime, and while Hajime was at first excited to see him, it quickly dampened once he saw Tooru’s lip quivering.

Tooru dove into Hajime’s arms and let out a weak sob, “I..I’m sorry..”

~*~

It seems as if none of them could catch a break, a few hours later, Tooru and Hajime got a call from Akira to come over to his home, and it sounded like he had been crying. Hajime’s face hardened and he took Tooru’s hand as they walked to Akira's house.

“Do you.. do you think they talked to Tobio.. you said they had walked off together..” Tooru’s voice was wobbling as he spoke, still trying to control himself, trying to not focus on all the things telling him that he hopes Tobio got hurt because he doesn’t. He didn’t want to hurt Tobio, not anymore.

Hajime looked over at him and sighed, “I hope not.. I just.. I don’t want us, any of us, to hurt Kageyama more than we already have..” Tooru looked away, focusing on just getting to Akira’s, he hated that Hajime knew how awful he was, he didn’t want to be like that, yet he still was thinking about himself and not Tobio, thinking about how the way he treated Tobio made him look, not about how scared Tobio was.

The pair walked in silence to their soulmate’s home, when they reached the place, the two of them saw Yuutarou sitting on the porch, his eyes stuck to the concrete. Hajime moved forward and gently placed a hand on Yuu’s shoulder, “Hey, what’s wrong? Is Kunimi inside?”

Tooru gulped, not knowing what to say to comfort his obviously distraught soulmate, Hajime seemed to know what to do though as he comforted Yuutarou and the three went inside, up to Akira’s room where he was sitting on his bed with tears in his eyes.

“Aki… they’re here.. tell them what you told me..?”

Yuutarou’s voice was still shaking as he spoke, Tooru hated seeing his usually held high soulmate like this, he didn’t want him to feel hurt, but Tooru didn’t believe he deserved to think that after what he’d done.

Akira looked towards them, but didn’t actually look at any of them, he seemed completely dead to the world, he barely even looked as if he was breathing and was more tired than usual.

Hajime looked at his youngest soulmate and was getting worried, both him and Tooru knew that Akira and Yuutarou also went searching for Tobio, they didn’t want to think about what could’ve happened.

Yuutarou was fine with the silence though, he went over to Akira and shook the boy till he seemed to get out of his daze. Akira's lips trembled as he spoke, “It’s…It’s about Kageyama.. I.. ..saw..”

Akira let out a shaky breath, he took a deep swallow and everyone else in the room stayed silent, waiting for what he’d say, “..I can’t say it…” He turned to Yuutarou, his mouth agape as he tried to explain himself but couldn’t get a word out. 

Tooru was getting worried, did Tobio leave them..? Did Tobio find someone new to be with, someone to replace him. Tooru tried to think over all the people he saw near Tobio today, that other gray-haired setter was awfully friendly with his soulmate, did Tobio replace him with another setter? He couldn’t have, he’s better than that crow one, Tobio couldn’t have done it.

He looked over to Hajime and he moved closer to him, Hajime seemed to be in a state of disbelief, even though they hadn’t even heard what happened yet. So Tooru decided to add to the conversation as Yuutarou was whispering to Akira, “..Did you see Tobio with someone else..?”

Akira bursted into tears, sobbing into his hands and he didn’t know what to do. Never had he ever seen Akira this saddened and broken down, so was it true?

Tooru began to tear up at the thought and both him and Hajime moved forward to comfort Akira but their hands were pushed away as Akira thrashed away from Yuutarou and moved further away from him on his bed. 

Akira looked up into their eyes as he choked out his words, “I..I had..! But it was..!” Akira sobbed down into his hands once again, not able to look any of them in the eyes any longer than he had, he didn’t feel as if he had the right.

“..Nanjo from middle school…” Akira sniffled weakly, snot dripping down his face as he cried. Tooru didn’t know what to think now though, he didn’t trust Nanjo one bit and the fact that he was the one seen with Tobio didn’t seem good. “..he hurt Tobio.. like really badly, him and his soulmate..”

Tooru wasn’t a child and he wasn’t stupid, he knew what Akira meant.

And all he could think is that it was his fault, that he’s the one who caused it because he never spoke out about Nanjo’s behavior.

So while Hajime went over to Yuutarou and Akira on the couch, he turned left, no longer being able to face them.

~*~

Tooru’s emotions were conflicted, while all he wanted to do was keep Tobio safe, apologize for not speaking out when he knew that monster had bad intentions, he couldn’t, he was too selfish. All he could think about was the upcoming Internship games and he couldn’t let Tobio beat him, the part of his brain that still hated him couldn’t.

And the sick satisfaction came when he saw Tobio’s defeated form, watching him kneel on the ground, knowing he beat him, that he’s better.

His other soulmates were talking about something else but he couldn’t care, he relished in his victory and smirked down at the boy, he won.

Yet Hajime pulled him aside after the game, wanting to discuss Tobio, “Hey, Tooru.. we want to go find Kageyama.. we don’t know the next time we’re going to be able to see him so we want to try talking…” To him, that sounded stupid, if he was Tobio, he’d want nothing to do with any of them.

But Hajime seemed so desperate, and who was he to withhold Hajime from loving one of his soulmates when he knew that unlike the rest of them, Hajime didn’t reject Tobio.

Tobio might not know but he does, he always does.

“..okay… Don’t.. don’t let me talk.. please…”

Tooru knew he’d say something terrible if he spoke, he couldn’t do it again, not like when he rejected the blue-eyed boy.

They followed Akira and Yuutarou out to where they heard Tobio walking, but like Tooru expected, Tobio was not happy to see them.

He was annoyed and nothing they said was seemingly going to make him calm down.

Tooru knew they should back away but he himself couldn’t. He didn’t want to let himself be insulted even if he deserved it, even if the words said were nothing but true.

Tobio was fuming as he spoke, although it was more from pain and Tooru couldn’t help but feel angry that Tobio was hurt. Deep down, he still saw Tobio as the monster who sought to ruin his life. “I said I don’t care! Just let me leave and go home! This was stupid anyways, why would you try to talk to me now anyways?”

He hated the boy, he wanted him to shut up, he didn’t want to focus on this mistake, he wanted all of them to just pretend it never happened, and they could be normal, or he could just get rid of Tobio. “I told you, I don’t want to talk RIGHT NOW! You are all acting stupid so just fuck off!-“ Tooru moved forward, pushing past Hajime who was doing as he asked and trying to protect Tobio from him.

It was futile though as he stepped forward and laid his hand on his shortest soulmate, he watched as Tobio stumbled back and tears formed in his eyes, and he took enjoyment in it, doing what he wanted to do long ago.

A part of him wanted to make Tobio crumble so much his other soulmates would never imagine replacing him with Tobio, sick words left his mouth as he stared at his teary-eyed soulmate, “You’re still so selfish.. We’re trying to apologize for what we did, you could at least pay attention for once! THIS is why we fucking rejected you! You’re pathetic and selfish!” Yelled down at his already broken soulmate, Hajime moved forward and grabbed him, trying to make him stop.

Tooru didn’t register his words though, keeping his eyes on his rejected soulmate, “Just looking at you makes me sick! Stop crying like I did something wrong, this is all your fault! Everything was fine until YOU ruined everything, you took everything from me!” Tooru felt tears begin to leak from his eyes and he began to hate himself even more, he’s selfish yet he can’t stop, even as he wants himself to, because he knows that even a second more of this, and he’ll say something he’ll regret forever.

“Stop.. please just stop.. I’m sorry..”

Tooru watched as Tobio began to vomit out flowers, the way he gagged on them and how he began to struggle to breath.

He knew as he saw blood begin to stain the flowers that he could never take back what he did, none of them could, it was too late.

It was too late the second he met Tobio.

He couldn’t stop though, “So they are real.. I used to feel so intimidated by you but I’ve realized it doesn’t matter, you’re just pathetic..! Is that why you let yourself get raped!? Because we didn’t look at you enough! Do you realize how pathetic that makes you?!”

He wasn’t surprised when he was pushed to the ground by a fuming Akira, the boy was sobbing so loudly as he yelled.

What was worse though was that the orange-haired boy returned, and he didn’t look happy, none of them were.

“What the hell is wrong with you four!? Just leave Kageyama ALONE! You all are pathetic! How could you do this to another human, let alone the one who was literally made to be your perfect pair?! People would KILL to have a soulmate like Kageyama yet none of you can see how lucky you all are to have someone like him!”

Tooru was sorry, he was.

The boy, Hinata, that was his name, continued to yell.

“..But no! You all are too selfish to see that you could’ve had someone who loved you, you all NEVER appreciated him in the way he didn’t have to earn! I hate all of you, and I hope he does too!”

Tooru hoped so too.

He hoped Tobio would never forgive any of them, he didn’t deserve to be put through that kind of pain. 

Chapter Text

Tobio was back to being sick, back to being in the hospital after just a day at home and he was getting worse and worse to the point of passing out multiple times. 

He hated sitting around and doing nothing, no matter how kind Doctor Shimizu was towards him, he hated just sitting in the hospital room, only the sound of constant beeping to keep him company for most parts of the day.

After he was brought in, he had been just throwing up and coughing for the past two weeks, his body not being able to fully care for itself after two near death experiences from the flowers staining his lungs.

Doctor Shimizu had ordered him to stay away from his soulmates at all cost, that if he goes through  one more of these situations, there could possibly be irreversible damage to his head that would not only damage the rest of his life, but leave him unable to play volleyball due to the dangerous possibilities.

He was so dizzy when he heard that, his whole life has been ruined because of his soulmates.

Because there’s something wrong with him, he wasn’t enough, he was too rude. He was not what they needed.

All he could do was just lay in bed all day and do his work for school, he hated it. Tobio was getting to a point where he was good, he had a team that cared for him, friends that cared for him. Two best friends who cared enough about him that they knew of his worst, a friend who was there for him under no conditions.

Sure, he was still lonely a lot, but it was good. Though it’s all ruined again now, he’s back to square one, alone in a hospital room with nothing to do except wait for himself to die.

Tobio looked up at the ceiling and laid back, thinking about how they could do this to him, and if he was just as worse.

When he thought about it, he treated them badly too, he would say things that hurt them, and even if he didn’t mean to, he still did it. Just like how they hurt him. He shuddered and turned onto his side, grabbing the thin blanket over him and pulling it up over his head, trying to keep his eyes open so as to not fall asleep. He didn’t want to have anymore nightmares, he could still see what happened, the words Oikawa said to him, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to ever escape them.

Tobio couldn’t help but think that this was what the universe had destined for him, a life of pain and his soul being stabbed by thorns. Especially knowing what his soulmark was.

He hasn’t seen it in years, he doesn’t even know what it’ll fully look like now after being rejected. He still knows what it had looked like though, and it only seemed to line as to what his future would hold.

It’s why the insult of ‘king’ hurt more than anything. They meant to hurt him where they knew it would, right in his heart.

He couldn’t blame them though, if it was meant to happen, how could it be their fault?

His mark was a crown etched into a gravestone surrounded by yellow hyacinths.

How could Tobio be mad when he was meant to be killed by jealousy?

~*~

Tobio was getting tired of sitting around, and it seems Doctor Shimizu didn’t want him just sitting around either. He was beginning to pick at the skin of his rejected marks, proof of how unwanted and worthless he was.

He wanted to go out, to do something other than sit around all day and Doctor Shimizu suggested a walk, but he didn’t want a walk around the hospital, he wanted to walk outside.

So he asked his nurse if he could be allowed out, even if just for a little bit.

He was glad his request to leave the building for a bit was allowed, although he was only given two hours before he was required to return. Luckily, Shimizu-san seems to have given her father good words about him as he was aloud out on his own.

He really needed this, he hated being in one place, he wanted to be out and playing volleyball and distract himself from what was happening.

Although he mostly just walked around, trying to clear his thoughts and not focus on the fact he’d probably die soon if one wrong thing happened.

Halfway through he was getting thirsty, so he decided to stop by a store, just grab himself some yogurt and then be on his way back.

The world hated him though and it was shown in the living form of Kunimi standing right where Tobio needed to go.

It didn’t help that he couldn’t run as he froze, flowers growing rapidly in the presence of a wound so fresh.

And it was given away as he coughed, Kunimi’s tired eyes turning to him and widening in shock. Tobio tried to run even so, dashing away from the aisle and running out the store door.

He didn’t make it far in his condition, his wrist being grabbed and he hit back at it, thrashing and squirming as he tried to get away from the imposing hand but failed, still weak from the intense last weeks.

“Tobio- calm down..! I promise I just need to talk!” Kunimi tried reasoning with him but Tobio was in no mood for it, he was out so he could relax, not to be bothered by the reason he needs to relax.

“Let go! Let me go!” 

Tobio’s yells were catching others' attention, causing Kunimi to curse under his breath and begin dragging the screaming boy away, “Just.. please just let’s talk..”

Tobio glared at the boy with piercing eyes and stuck his tongue out childishly, he wanted to just go to his hospital room and complain to his doctor.

But Kunimi was looking at him with such desperate eyes and Tobio knew there were days where he’d do anything to see any emotion on the boy’s usually stone face.

“Fine.. don’t expect anything..”

The two walked in silence to a more quiet space, they looked around the small private area in the park, making sure no one would overhead them, although Tobio knew they probably wouldn’t have to deal with much as it was late.

Him and Kunimi stared down into their laps as they waited for something to be said, Tobio swallowed deeply and spoke first, “..What Oikawa had said about me being..raped..did all of you know about it? Did.. did you guys want it to happen?” He kept hard eyes on Kunimi, not wanting to appear as if he was about to crumple.

Tobio felt vulnerable in the moment but he didn’t care, he was hurt and he just needed to know, have some confirmation that they didn’t want that to happen to him.

Kunimi looked up at him, staring into his eyes with his own teary ones, “No! Of course not.. Oikawa had just.. he was just being terrible but.. none of us, no matter what wanted that to happen to you..”

That didn’t help Tobio relax as much as he wanted, he still wanted to know how they knew and how many other people knew, luckily for him Kunimi answered.

“..but, I had… I was the one who told them what had happened..”

Tobio’s breath was shaking, the area where Kunimi’s mark once laid was burning and he could feel his lungs tightening.

“How.. how did you know..?”

Kunimi let his tears fall, “I saw it…”

Kunimi broke into fall sobs, tears streaming down his face as he placed his hands on the table between them, wanting to grab Tobio’s hands.

“I…I’m sorry.. I should’ve stopped them.. I had been looking for you when…” His voice broke as he choked on his saliva, “..when I opened the door and saw what they did.. and I was too scared to say anything.. I’m so, so sorry…”

Tobio looked down into his hands and laid his head against the table, crying softly, the knowledge that Kunimi saw him like that, when he was the weakest, made him break.

He didn’t know why Kunimi didn’t tell him before, he would’ve been comforted by the knowledge that at least Kunimi was on his side and was worried but instead he suffered the consequences alone.

Kunimi reached a weak hand out and grabbed Tobio’s left hand tightly, squeezing it as Tobio looked up into Kunimi’s eyes, “I’m sorry, okay… that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and I’m SO sorry that I messed up..”

Kunimi took a deep breath and laid his head against Tobio's and his combined hands, “The only thing I’ve ever done right to you is reject you, because both me and the others have hurt you too much to be able to take it back.. I wish you didn’t have to suffer so much pain from him because you deserve to be free from us suffering from pain..”

“..I got raped and you knew.. and you did nothing..” Tobio felt numbed, he was raped and Kunimi always knew.

“..I’m sorry.. there’s nothing I can do to take back how much I hurt you.. and I’m sorry I told the others.. especially Oikawa..”

“..why.. why would you just not tell anyone.. or even me..”

Kunimi looked exhausted and broken, Tobio hated it, “..Because I’m a pathetic person who was too blinded by my own selfishness!”

Tobio then felt anger, he tore his hand away from Kunimi, “Fuck you.”

Kunimi looked into his eyes and Tobio was just angry, how dare he, how dare he not only know he got raped, SAW it, and never told him. But he fucking told the other three.

Nothing fucking changed, he still would never be seen as equal as the four of them saw each other.

He wasn’t made to be a part of them, because they never wanted him.

“Do you know how scared I was! How much I suffered alone, not only dealing with the memories and the pain of being fucking raped, but also that the people who were supposed to LOVE and CARE for me, hated me!”

Tobio snarled, tears burning the corner of his eyes and blood rising, but he didn’t care, he suffered so much because Kunimi was scared, because all of them were scared, yet instead of just telling him, they nearly killed him.

His breathing was quick as he felt himself beginning to hyperventilate but he didn’t care, he wanted to be angry. After being sad for so long he deserved this.

“I MAYBE would have understood what you did if it was after what I had done, but it wasn’t. You and the others did what you did because you guys are bad people! Even if it was after my crude behavior, I still wouldn’t have deserved that kind of pain! Somehow, you guys made what’s NEVER supposed to be a mistake, a mistake!” Tobio coughed weakly, flowers falling from his mouth and he stood and stared down at Kunimi, watching as he crumpled.

Kunimi looked back up at him with teary eyes and broke out a sentence, “I..I’m sorry.. I know it’s too late, and all I want now…” A weak cough left his throat, “..is to see you happy with someone else.. and I’ll do anything to make that happen for you..”

Tobio’s breath ragged as he tried to hold back his tears, he looked into Kunimi’s eyes, “..if you really want to do something for me, promise me one thing..”

Kunimi nodded, his lips twitching as he tried not to cry again.

“..never replace me.. let me be selfish and remember what we could’ve been..”

Kunimi looked hesitant by his response before relaxing, nodding yes, “..I’ll never find someone who’ll be as special as you could’ve been to me..”

They stood up, tears in both of their eyes as they walked in silence back to Tobio's hospital, Kunimi left without a word and Tobio is glad he did.

If he didn’t, he’s sure he would’ve brought him in to ask if they could take back the rejection, fall to his knees and apologize for what he said, that he didn’t mean it, and that he wanted Kunimi and the others back.

Instead, Tobio walked back to his hospital room, even as his nurses freaked out over where he went, and that it’s dangerous for him to have been out, all he could think about was the mark of a cat on him that used to bring him joy.

Tobio promised himself to get a cat when he’s older.

Even if they don’t like him.

~*~

Doctor Shimizu claimed that his health seemed to be improving, despite the fact that he spent almost a whole day vomiting nothing but lilies of the valley, they were gone now.

A scan was done once again and it seems as if much less flowers were there, and Tobio knew why, he didn’t tell Doctor Shimizu though, wanting to keep this to himself.

Although he was getting visited by his team today, and he was glad that it was on the day he was getting better, he was hoping he’d be allowed to leave soon, it’s much easier to learn while in school despite the help Hitoka had kindly given him.

The next time Hitoka came over, he was going to tell her first about his interaction. She's been with him the most and deserves to know, especially if it’s gotten to the point that the interaction caused his condition to lessen.

Unknown to him until an hour later, Hitoka showed up, he heard a familiar soft knock on his door and his head snapped up to the sound.

In walked Hitoka, holding his work that he missed that day, “Hi, Tobio.. how you feeling?” She asked with a soft smile and sat down in the chair next to him. He blinked softly before smiling and hugging her, his eyes a little teary.

“Got good news from the doctor..” He said as he pulled back and looked at her as she brightened up, they were both worried he’d be getting worse. “What! And you didn’t immediately tell me, I thought we were friends!”

Hitoka responded teasingly, Tobio nodded weakly, sniffling softly and a weak smile on his face, “Sorry.. the doctor said that the flowers are lessening…” Hitoka’s face scrunched up as she started to tear up, she leaned onto the bed and hugged Tobio tightly.

“..oh my god.. you’re getting better, you’re getting better…” She sobbed weakly, she took jagged breaths as she held him tightly. Tobio recognized how much warmer and more gentle Hitoka’s hugs were compared to Kunimi’s, he’s glad he has her.

He nodded into her shoulder and pulled back, gently wiping her tears. She smiled at him, “I’m glad you’re going to be okay.. but how did this happen?” Tobio stiffens softly and takes a deep breath, wanting to choose his words right so he doesn’t cause Hitoka to panic, as much, “I had talked to Kunimi..”

Hitoka immediately stood up, her tears frozen as her expression was one of disgust, “What did he do-“

“Nothing, we just spoke..” Tobio stared up at her with dazed eyes and took her hand, “I told him that I thought he was a bad person, and he agreed” He laid back, a dazed look on his face and she softened and sat back down.

“Good, he is!” She said with that joy back in her voice, he laughed softly and sank into his bed while still looking towards her. 

Tobio gave her a knowing look before speaking again, “So, why’d you come here unexpectedly? Do you have something to tell me as well?”

Hitoka brightened up once again and nodded, she grabbed something out of her bag and his eyes widened as he saw a familiar jacket, “What…”

“I joined the volleyball club..!” She said, it’s clear she was nervous for Tobio’s reaction and while he didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t help but be happy. One of his biggest worries other than his upcoming death was that he had forgotten Hitoka, that he pushed her to the side once he joined the volleyball team but now, he didn’t have to worry about that.

“I’m glad..” Didn’t explain why she joined though, “Why though?” Her face turned a soft red and she looked down.

Tobio was confused by it, this was new, “Well, uhm, the manager girl.. Kiyoko.. she was asking around and I just..!-“

She buried her face in embarrassment in the jacket and it took him a second before he realized why she’s acting so weird about it. “Oh, you joined because she’s pretty?”

She jumped up and waved her hands in front of his face before plotting them on his mouth, “Don't say that!- she was just good at convincing! Even though she is really cute and has nicehairandsuchasexyvoice-“

A loud bang at the door saved Hitoka from her embarrassment and she tried to shake the blush from her face while Tobio just looked up at the door after sitting up.

He was about to call out when he heard the sound of yelling and lecturing from a certain group of people, his lips twitched into a laugh before he spoke up, “You can come in..”

A sheepish looking Azumane opened the door and in followed the rest of his team, Sugawara-san and Daichi-san lecturing Tanaka and Nishinoya about being polite in public areas and Kinoshita holding a fruit basket. Although Hinata pushed through them all and flung himself next to Tobio, “Kageyama! You’re okay, we were so worried! When do you think you’ll be better to play volleyball again-“

Tsukishima smacked Hinata in the back of the head, causing the boy to yelp and get up and trying to hit the taller one back. While Tobio doesn’t mind Hinata, he’s glad the boy moved off his chest, he coughed softly and Ennoshita moved over and patted his back gently to which he nodded in appreciation.

“Sorry Kageyama- we were TRYING! to just visit and see how you were doing, one the way up, Kiyoko’s father said you were doing better?” Daichi asked politely, although Tobio didn’t need the apology, this was probably the most sincere care he’s been shown since arriving at the hospital, just pure fun.

Tobio took the basket handed to him by Kinoshita and nodded softly in appreciation, “You guys are fine.. just resting, hopefully I’ll be able to get back on the court soon..”

That seemed to settle whatever weird argument happening between Hinata and Tsukishima as the shorter one laughed triumphantly and hopped back over to Tobio’s beds “Agreed! And guess what?! We were invited to a training camp! Isn’t that awesome? Although there’s a small problem as for it we have to get better grades but that's fine since I’ve been having…”

Tobio relaxed back into his bed, enjoying the familiar loudness that he always enjoyed as much as the sound of a ball slapping against skin.

~*~

After just a few more days stuck in the hospital, he was told he was well enough to leave and to play volleyball. Only rule being to slow down, to not overwork himself too much and keep calmer.

Tobio didn’t make promises though, he was going to get better, both for himself because he knows he’s good at what he does, and he can get better for both himself and his team. Although to also crush his soulmates next time, and not just because he’s angry, but because he wants to win and go play more volleyball, to go to nationals and play on the courts.

Watching them crumble would be a benefit.

Chapter Text

After he returned, like he was told by Hinata, they had to get good enough grades and pass all their tests if they wanted to go to the training camp. If Tobio had been as dumb as he was last year, then he’d probably be laying pathetically on his living room floor like Hinata was currently.

Hitoka and Hinata had come over for work, luckily for Tobio, he was a bit ahead in the work due to his time spent doing both in the hospital. So he was able to relax for a bit and watch in amusement as Hitoka tried to explain English to Hinata, which he admittedly probably should be paying a bit more attention to as well.

“Tobio, you understand right?” Probably not, but close enough was enough, “Understand what?” Hitoka pouted and looked to Hinata whose head was buried against the table, mumbling to himself about how’d he’d never see Nekoma. “I hate studying! Why can’t it just be easier..” 

Tobio was just glad it was Hitoka helping them, she was a good teacher, and if she was really dead set on the manager job, she’d do well.

After another hour of studying, it was time for Hinata and Hitoka to head home. He was sad to see them go but he was glad they thought he was well enough to be on his own. After waving Hitoka off, Hinata turned to him with a smirk, “If I beat you in getting a better grade, you owe more of those treats!” Tobio grabbed the boy’s hair and pulled, making him squawk and bat at his hands, “Shut it! Worry about getting a question right before challenging me you ass!” He let go of the boy but even as Hinata walked away, he looked back at him with a smile and waved.

Tobio smiled to himself before retiring back to his room, he felt better knowing he was out of the hospital and soon, he’d be going to Tokyo, it’s been a while since he’s done a training camp, test were soon and he knows that despite him doing better, he’s still gonna struggle to pass a few of the test completely.

Even better, the team wasn’t treating him differently, which he appreciated, he didn’t really want to talk about what happened or fully explain the whole rejection thing, so he was glad they were pretending it didn’t happen. Though it would be nice if they did show more care, but he understood that they probably just didn’t want to know how bad he actually was to the point he was rejected, which was reasonable, so it was fine. 

Tobio would just do a better job at keeping it all hidden away so it didn’t bother them, he wanted to keep them around.

Life was good though, as he laid down, he was excited to be able to get a good night of rest.

~*~

In Tobio’s belief, he thinks it’s all Hinata’s fault he had messed up, he doesn’t know how, but that little gremlin probably found a way. Yet, like always, Tanaka was able to find a way for them to get to Tokyo despite their failures. He and Hinata really had to send Tanaka a fruit basket for all his help, besides, walking probably would’ve sent Tobio straight back to the hospital where he came from.

Though when he stepped into the car, it was nothing but disaster. Big Sis was nice but she was still very ruthless, although he tried not to throw up, not wanting to seem rude after only just meeting, he’s done that enough.

And when he and Hinata finally arrived, it was incredible. Even if they played less games than they both wanted, it was still enough, the feeling of being able to play again instead of being tied down to a bed. It was even better with Hitoka there, and she seemed to be doing better herself, she seemed happier, especially when being helped by Shimizu-san.

Though he could see something was getting to Hinata, and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Tobio could see he was getting ticked off from how their quick was getting less powerful, and not because they were getting worse, but because others could figure it out. Tobio tried thinking to himself of ways it could be improved but he was content with continuing with it till they could work out a way to improve it, Tobio would get better at setting and it would help Hinata.

The matches came and went and Hinata left to speak to Kenma and a few others, he would’ve liked to join, he loved the way Kenma played and he wanted to get to know the Nekoma player better, but anytime he would try to go near the boy he’d run off, he didn’t understand why entirely but he would always be content with just watching.

Tobio went to go find Hitoka and she was walking with Shimizu-san, who was seemingly explaining something, probably manager things, to the shorter one. When he reached, Hitoka turned to Shimizu-san with a slight flush and waved her bye before walking over to him. 

“You’ve been enjoying yourself, Hitoka? Shimizu-senpai seems to enjoy your company.” Tobio stated, he liked seeing that the two of them seemed to be a bit more relaxed than he was used to seeing. Although  Hitoka completely flushed and pushed against his arm making him stumble a bit. “She has!? Has she said something about me!”

Tobio blinked softly as the two of them continued to walk the hallways, Hitoka’s face completely red as she mumbled on about worries of upsetting the black-haired girl. “Not to me, she just seems more comfortable with your company. I’m sure she’s enjoying not being the only manager.” Tobio watched as Hitoka slid her right hand down to the left side of her hip, rubbing it discreetly, he still noticed despite her efforts. “..you think so? Cause I’ve been enjoying her company as well..” The two had walked in a large circle and arrived at the girls quarters, the two paused a bit before the door and Tobio looked down at Hitoka’s nervous expression.

“Of course, you’re a very kind person.” 

Hitoka looked up at him with a smile and grabbed his right wrist, giving a firm squeeze before waving him off as well, “Thank you, Tobio..” She went to join the other girls as Tobio began his walk to where the rest of his team was. He looked down at his right wrist, looking at the word written.

While he didn’t pay attention to the words much as he did in the first month, as during the time he was usually always around Hitoka, having no need for the words other than emergencies, he still liked looking at them from time to time. He thinks he preferred learning how she felt the normal way, it felt better that way, knowing he didn’t have to rely on their destiny to find out what was right and wrong. 

He met up with the rest of his team and sighed, he was still bothered by how Hinata’s been acting but he hopes it’ll be okay, they’ll get better and then they will be able to win, and they’ll keep winning together.

~*~

Tobio couldn’t tell how Hinata was feeling, and it wasn’t like he was feeling the best either. That Lev guy was able to block their quick and it was making him feel off. If he was able to stop it, other people would learn how to do it as well.

It was fine though, they’d get better, he’d get better at his set and then Hinata could get it quicker, he needed to do this.

But then Hinata just had to open his mouth, 

“For those quick attacks, I want to start keeping my eyes wide open..”

Did he not trust him to be able to do the set? Tobio could do it, he could get better at setting, he didn’t need Hinata to start changing his style because he thought that Tobio wasn’t good enough to do the sets.

Tobio grumbled off as they tried to continue the game, they lost it but it was fine. They had to lose to get better, and Hinata just needed to understand that! Yes, a few of their quicks would get stop but that didn’t matter! Tobio knew he could improve so that idiot just needed to stay by him and trust he could do it!

They were walked out by Sugawara and Tobio wouldn’t deny that he flinched when the Seijoh game was brought up, that pain that lingered from what was said to him still feeling as if it was fresh. But he understood what Hinata was saying, he’d be a step behind if he kept his eyes closed and relied on him to do most of the work.

Yet, despite that, he didn’t want to let it go, he didn’t want to let go of the feeling that Hinata needed him, that he couldn’t just be brushed off because Hinata needed him for the quick attack.

And he didn’t want to admit how much Oikawa he was able to bring out other people, how much he was able to bring out Iwaizumi, he couldn’t, he just couldn’t do it.

Yet as he walked away from Hinata and Sugawara, trying to make sense of his own words, trying to deny the fact that he knew and desired to see Hinata improve on his own, he couldn’t give up what he had.

~*~

After Tobio and Hinata thanked Big Sis, they went onto the bus, looking out the window, he kept thinking of when the training camp would come along, and as well as what to do with Hinata. He wanted to get better, and he wanted to do it with Hinata, but he didn’t want to let go of what he had, because he didn’t want to come to the possibility that Hinata wouldn’t need him anymore, but even then, he could deal with that. He didn’t want to face Hinata not wanting him anymore, he’s one of the few people who’ve stood beside him, especially when it comes to his soulmates .

He didn’t want the chance of Hinata leaving him.

As they arrived back home, he was accompanied by Hinata who was asking for him to set. Tobio was glad Hitoka decided to stay as well, yet as the sets continued, he hated the feeling coming with it.

Hinata was worse like this, and he hated it, because if he couldn’t help him be better, that means he wasn’t good either. He gritted his teeth at each fall of the ball, each one going past Hinata and hitting the ground.

And for once, when Hinata asked him for another set, he didn’t want to practice it anymore, “We’re done with this! It isn’t working, we should practice on other things we actually need to!” His voice raised as he stepped closer to Hinata, his fist clenched on the side of him.

“This quick attack though.. it isn’t going to keep working.. I’ll have no reason to be on the court..!”

No reason to be on the court with him. Tobio just wanted to do what would make him stay, they shouldn’t change it because then he’d be nothing again.

There’d be no reason for him to be around when he could just be replaced. Tobio didn’t want that to happen, not with him.

‘I hope you guys can find someone better to replace my marks on your bodies.’

“Shut it! This isn’t about that !” Tobio didn’t want to be alone. “I’ll make a set that will actually go through and won’t be stopped by their blockers!” He would get better, he’d prove he wasn’t a mistake. 

“I know you can but how can I get better!”

He wanted to see him get better, he really did, but he always wanted him .

Oh.

“Who cares right now! We have to go to the Spring Preliminaries soon so we should get better at a useful quick attack rather than one that won’t get us anywhere!”

Tobio grabbed Hinata by his shirt, pulling his face close, those amber eyes that still comforted him despite how scared he was. He was just so scared, especially of himself. Tobio could hear Hitoka’s gentle voice in the background, trying to defuse the situation. In the few months of them knowing each other, he doesn’t think she’s ever seen him this way, he didn’t want her to. He didn’t want to be like this anymore.

Hinata grabbed his arm back, determined eyes looking into his shaking eyes, “I already said, I want to be able to do it on my own! I want to be able to fight on my own!”

Tobio grunted his teeth and grabbed Hinata with both hands, shaking him before pushing him to the ground, “Stop it! You don’t need to do it on your own!” He wanted to be wanted like how he wanted Hinata.

Tobio wanted to leave before he said anything worse, he knew he was being unreasonable but he wanted this so bad. He turned on his heel, ready to just leave and just talk to Hinata again when he wasn’t so scared, but the thing he loved most about Hinata hadn’t changed. Hinata’s willingness to not back down.

He felt the boy slam into his side, he nearly coughed out a spew of flowers at the touch, his body still softly pushing to bloom. He held it back though, this isn't what this was about, it wasn’t about him, it was about them.

“Let me go, you idiot!”

 “No! You better set me the damn ball, listen to me!”

Hinata pushed against his side more, accidentally head butting his chest but he ignored the pain. He twisted his body and pushed Hinata back once again, the boy got up much quicker than last time, grabbing at him and he did right back.

The hand on his throat squeezing, keeping the flowers at bay, he snarled and grabbed at Hinata’s face, pulling at his hair. 

But they were both too high on emotions, deeper feelings than just the sport they were playing, which was already deep enough. 

Tobio coughed hard and while Hinata’s hand moved from his throat, he stood strong and kept his grip on his shoulder. Tobio coughed again and a petal fell, but he was too distracted by the boy in front of him to care of how dangerous it was with being so close to when he was allowed back to playing sports.

The squeak of Hitoka’s shoes leaving the room was in the back of his mind as he and Hinata continued to fight, “Stop it!” Hinata pushed at his jaw, causing him to swallow back the red petals that were falling, “No! The quick attacks that were stopped, they weren't enough!” Tobio smacked at the side of Hinata’s head, “Are you saying my set wasn’t good enough?! That I was bad!?”

“No! It was perfect! You’re incredible but that’s the problem! I wasn’t enough!”

Sooner than later, they were pulled apart by Tanaka, petals laying forgotten on the ground as they were torn away from each other. 

He watched as Hinata breathed deeply, eyes locked into his and he grimaced, he wrestled out of Tanaka’s hole and grabbed his bag, leaving with no one to follow him.

And he agreed that he probably deserved it.

He arrived home after a while, the area cold like before, as he walked around though, he saw Hinata’s things still laying around. So much of him had leaked into his home, into his heart, and he fears he may have just destroyed it due to his selfishness . Wanting Hinata to ONLY rely on him was the most selfish thing he could do to them both, all he wanted was to see Hinata grow, so how would forcing him to stay in one place help?

He placed his items down and changed into just a shirt and curled up in his bed, finally letting tears fall from earlier, he just hoped he could be forgiven. Both Hinata and Hitoka, he didn’t mean to scare her, both after everything. He didn’t stop himself as he grabbed a glove from his drawer, that had been crocheted by Hitoka, and slipped it over his right hand, refusing to face the pain he caused.

He knew there was something wrong with him, even before middle school. He always felt different, down to the way he did things and he could even sometimes tell he thought about things differently. There was always something wrong with him, that’s why he had no one.

And that’s why Hinata and Hitoka are gone now, because there’s something wrong with him, and they’ve realized it too, just like everyone else. It’s why he’s had no friends, why no one at school ever liked him, why adults don’t like, there’s always been something wrong.

Tobio curled up further into his bed, trying to cover his face as best as he could, he let out a weak cough, doing his best to not let out a cry, he was trying so hard not to cry anymore but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t take it, and he hates that he’s acting this way, that he’s thinking this way.

He knows he hurt Hinata and that he needs to apologize, even if he didn’t mean what he said, even if it was an accident, he messed up and Hinata doesn’t deserve it just because he’s messed up. Yet he can’t stop his thoughts, his selfish thoughts that are about him. He can’t even own up to a mistake without breaking down, his mind trying to convince him to just give up because he can’t handle the thought of hurting someone else.

Tobio hated that no one liked him because it made him selfish, he can’t do anything, all he does all day is just wallow in his own blood and wait for death to come and take him. All Hitoka can do is wait around for him to kill himself and that isn’t fair, it isn’t fair that she has to just wait for him to do it because he’s a lost cause who isn’t going to get better.

Tobio gagged weakly, feeling himself becoming sick yet he wouldn’t throw up, he stood up weakly and pushed himself to walk to the bathroom, reaching the area and leaning over the toilet and shoving his fingers down his throat. Just wanting to get over with the pain so he can go back to just crying pathetically like the selfish piece of shit he is. Tobio cried quietly as vomit finally began to come out, groaning as he slumped further down, small chunks dripping down his nose as he coughed, trying to get everything out.

He whined and stood up on shaky legs,  barely caring enough to wipe his mouth. He wanted to get better, he just didn’t know how, he tried talking. His doctor even made him talk to a therapist and he did, he did for a bit but now he doesn’t go anymore, it never helped anyways. Being around other people clearly didn’t help either, he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Hanahaki disease is inescapable, he can’t stop it and he knows he probably has less than a year if his old soulmates keep trying to talk to him. So there’s no point in continuing if his life is just going to be miserable for his remaining time, if he’s just going to make other people’s lives worse.

As he turned onto his heels, walking back to his room and thought to himself about how repetitive this all was. He’s had these exact thoughts before, in the exact same situations just different causes that led him here. He’s never hated his life more than now because now, he hurt someone he cared about more than he ever cared for them and yet, he’s still being selfish.

Though he knew that he had choices, he could either keep wallowing in his own pity party or he could do something, he could get better. Tobio just had to find a way to help Hinata be better and then, Hitoka and him could come back, they would realize that it wasn’t a mistake helping him live.

He would do what he needed to make sure Hinata was able to improve.

~*~

The next day, Tobio got ready to go out because despite what he wanted and what he knew was good for him, he had to do what he must for Hinata. He didn’t believe it to be childish that he was seeing volleyball to be more important than avoiding someone who hurt him, but this is his life, it’s how he connects and he would do anything to make sure he and Hinata could be better. It was their thing and how could he be true to his words if he didn’t do what he could to help Hinata improve.

So he went looking for Oikawa, because despite how terrible he had been treated, despite knowing that it was harmful for him, he cared for Hinata more than he hated the pain that Oikawa caused. Tobio sighed as he walked around, although it’s the closest he could get to finding Oikawa as he had never been to his home, and he wasn’t willing to pull up Oikawa’s number he used to have, he had some limits.

After a while, he sighed and got himself a drink, sitting at a bench as he thought about how to improve his plan. It being to find Oikawa, find out how to better improve his setting because to him, Oikawa was the best setter he knew. Practice and improve to show Hinata that he did care for his opinion and that he was sorry for what he said and did. The hardest part was supposed to be the practice, not the advice. He grumbled under his breath and threw out the now empty carton of yogurt and continued on his walk around, trying to calm his nerves of seeing Oikawa again after what happened.

It’d be worth it when Hinata and him would finally be able to stand across from each other on a court, on different sides, different teammates, yet still the two of them competing to stay on the court the longest. He snickered softly to himself at the thought, knowing that the idiot would still probably find a way to get better without him, and that made him happy. He loved watching Hinata get better, especially since it resulted in more challenges for him.

The thought of Hinata was enough to distract him, not seeing the body running towards him and before Tobio could move out of the way, a small body rammed into him, making him let out a strained gasp as he felt his lungs get head butted.

He took a couple steps back as he held his chest and looked down and he felt his anger soften as he saw it was a kid. The little boy looked up with a guilty expression and bowed his head down, “Sorry, mister! I wasn’t paying attention- wait..” The kid looked back up at him with a complicated expression, Tobio was going to respond to the kid when he heard the voice of the asshole guy he was looking for.

“Takeru- stop running, please..!” Tobio stared with wide, cold eyes at the older boy, his body frozen as he could barely let out a breath. A part of him felt so angry and that’s because Oikawa looked good. That was the problem though, why did he have to suffer and nearly die because of this guy in front of him, and other than irritated eyes, he looked normal, he looked like his usual self.

Even when Oikawa’s eyes finally looked at him, the terror in those honey brown eyes weren’t enough, they’d never be enough. “Oikawa….” His voice shook as he spoke, the feeling as if he was going to collapse present even if the flowers had died down, well, had died down.

Although the boy’s- Takeru’s eyes were staring dead at him, like he knew something, “Tooru, isn’t this the soulmate?” The boy looked back to Oikawa with curious eyes. “Tooru?” Oikawa looked as if he was gonna pass out, which Tobio thought was a bit ironic. 

“Tobio-chan…” Takeru moved forward and jabbed Oikawa in his side, making him hiss and pout down at the young boy. 

While Tobio was scared, every part of him wanting to run and retract back into the comfort of his friends and have them keep him safe from his soulmate, he was on a mission. It was for Hinata.

Hinata was worth any obstacle.

Swallowing the small amount of pride he had left, he bowed his head down, squeezing his eyes shut, and a voice he used to use all the time when talking to Oikawa came out, “Oikawa, please help me get better at setting!” 

As soon as he said the words, he felt regret and fear, he never had once understood why Oikawa disliked him so much, but he was still fearful of what he’d say back. Would he get hit? Would he be insulted and laughed at?

Tobio didn’t dare lift his head, thinking that if he looked at Oikawa anymore, he’d start saying things he didn’t want to, but that Oikawa would probably deserve. All he heard though was a shaky voice, “..oh, Tobio-Chan…”

Despite all the burning flowing through his body, the sharp stab in his left wrist, his airway becoming closer to being blocked, he didn’t move from his position. This was for Hinata, how could he apologize if he didn’t get better? How could he prove that he wanted them both to be enough for each other if he couldn’t put in the effort? He needed to show that this wasn’t just something small to him, that their friendship wasn’t going to be ruined by a few regretful words. 

Tobio loves Hinata, and he was going to prove it to the boy.

He gulped and his breathing began to quicken, but he kept it hidden as he spoke, “Hinata.. he wants to get better, and for that, I need to become a better setter for him !”

A few seconds passed before he heard the little boy’s voice again, “Tooru, don’t cry, you look ugly-“ He heard a pained noise as the boy trailed off, grumbling about something he couldn’t hear, but Oikawa’s voice picked back up. “Tobio-chan… what do you mean?” Tobio took a deep breath and stood straight, keeping his eyes casted down.

“Hinata wants to have his eyes open for the quick attack, but he can’t do it with my sets.. I need to know how to get better..”

Tobio didn’t want to bring up anything else, he didn’t even want to acknowledge what had happened before, he just wanted his volleyball advice. 

From what he could see of Oikawa, he could see that his stance was stiff, his hands clutching the side of his pants.

He heard Oikawa let out his own deep breath before responding, “…with the way he goes for the ball, your sets wouldn’t work.. the ball needs to be able to stop for him, to let him be able to be where he needs it..”

Holy shit.

He didn’t expect Oikawa to actually try at all, he thought he’d just.. insult him, but he wasn’t complaining, he understood, somewhat, of what Oikawa was saying. Tobio knew there was a reason behind why he had liked him so much back then.

Tobio casted his eyes back to Oikawa since the first time he saw him appear and Oikawa looked different than any memory he had of the older boy. And he wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy the look of sadness, after all that was said to him, the pain that was mocked, he felt as if he deserved this.

He nodded his head, and bowed down again, “Thank you…Oikawa-san..”

He turned around and began walking away, not wanting to put himself in any more possible danger but as he was doing so, he heard Oikawa scream out.

“I’m sorry, Tobio!”

If he hadn’t already broken off from the hope of improving what they could’ve had, Tobio would’ve ran back to Oikawa and forgave him, as well as begging for his forgiveness as well.

Stifling back tears, he walked away faster.

He had what he needed now, and with it, he’d become better for Hinata.

Chapter Text

Shoyo was struck with the sad reality after he first entered kindergarten. All the kids were showing off their soulmarks, talking about what they thought their soulmate would be like. And he knew what a soulmate was, you’d have to be stupid to not know at that age, and when he went home, he asked his mom for help showing him where his soulmark was.

His mother had looked at him with sad eyes before kneeling in front of him, “Oh, Sho… I’m sorry but..”

Shoyo was so young, yet he felt as if his whole life had ended there and then.

“..you were..born without a soulmate..”

Those words had struck him to his core, as it was basically guaranteed that he’d never be able to be close to someone. He couldn’t have a best friend because they’d have their platonic soulmate, and worse, he’d never have a romantic soulmate without being left sooner or later.

Shoyo had later gone back to school and when asked the question of his soulmark, he told them that he didn’t have one.

“Seriously? How could you not have one!”

“Does this mean you’re going to be lonely forever?”

“Are you a bad person? My mama said that only bad people aren’t given soulmates!”

After spending all of elementary school and the beginning of middle school being ridiculed for not having a soulmate, he had begun to believe he wasn’t good enough. That he was unlovable, that there was something wrong with him if he couldn’t have what he so desperately wanted.

Especially when middle school had come around, Shoyo loved the idea of love, and he wanted to be with someone who’d care about him like he did them. A person who’d looked past his flaws and disfigurements and just cared about him . Though he knew it was a selfish request, everyone around him had someone destined to love them, it was selfish for him to want someone who was already meant for something greater.

Volleyball had been the thing he needed, something to help motivate him to do better, to be good enough. Shoyo also couldn’t help but hope he’d find someone with the same passion he held for volleyball, maybe he’d meet someone like him and they could be together and play for the rest of their lives. But seeing as he couldn’t even be on a proper team, he’d forgotten of the dream.

That was until he met the most beautiful boy ever at his first real match.

~*~

When he stepped into that gym, his heart raced with excitement, his friends standing awkwardly beside him but he couldn’t focus on that, only the rush of finally being able to play.

Shoyo looked back at his friends with big eyes, “Isn’t this incredible!? I get to play a REAL match!” His friends had a confused face but they seemed to be trying to be supportive, which was enough for him! “Uh, sure.. I don't know if we'll make it far though, I mean..! I barely even remember some of the rules..!” His other friends laughed along awkwardly with his friend, but Shoyo still didn’t let it deteriorate his mood and continued to walk forward with them.

“It’s fine! I’ll be happy if we win even one game-“ Shoyo nearly yelped as another team walked by, shooting his arms up in front of his friends as he looked forward to the team of so many tall guys. He couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated and fearful at the sight of them, but then, it felt as if a calming air blew over him as one certain boy walked past him.

The boy had what seemed to be a relaxing and addicting presence surrounding him, sharp blue eyes looking forward as he walked with the rest of his team and short blue tint-black hair that slightly flew behind him as he walked. Shoyo felt awestruck, his heart beating a million miles per hour as he continued to stare at the blue-eyed boy, until he eventually disappeared along with his team.

Shoyo gulped deeply and shook his head, calming down from the weird spell he seemed to be under.

He came here for a reason! And that was to win at least one match, and that’s what he’d do!

~*~

Shoyo left his own ‘team’ to go use the bathroom, his stomach doing flips as he tried not to pass out, although as he reached the restroom after a hot minute of looking for it, he heard people talking about him and his teammates.

“Did you see how small they were? It’s like they’re elementary schoolers!”

“Yeah, they probably couldn’t even reach over the net!”

“Yeah, and I heard that little orange one doesn’t have a soulmate-“

“Hey..! Don’t underestimate us-“ Shoyo kneeled over in pain, but still tried to stand his ground. He wasn’t going to let them take away his happiness, volleyball was his safe haven, he didn’t care what anyone had to say! Though it didn’t work as the three boys in blue jackets laughed and snickered.

“Pipsqueak, man, you and your team really are elementary kids!” The group laughed at him and his face flushed red, he squeaked softly through his lips and tried to think of something to say when he heard footsteps.

Shoyo turned his head at the same time as the three boys and he saw the boy, the apparent King of the Court, and he understood why, the boy seemed to just radiate strength and his face was just beautiful, that of only a royal could have. 

The King’s voice was even nicer.

“Hey, second years! Don’t hide behind the reputation of your school to mock others”

The three boys seemed to be frozen before nodding, “…Yeah, of course, Kageyama..” The King narrowed his eyes before speaking, “Don’t underestimate your opponent, now get back to the others before they come looking.” The three scattered off and Shoyo was left feeling light headed.

Not only did the King defend him, but also basically said that he didn’t look down upon him? The boy saw how tall he was and he still wasn’t being underestimated! It was a first for sure. Then the blue eyes trailed him and Shoyo nearly sank to the ground. He did his best to shake away his blush and stood upright, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the pretty boy.

“Thanks for that..! ..although if you hadn’t showed up, I would’ve dealt with it myself..!” 

He watched as the boy’s eyes trailed to the bathroom door for a second, that cool tone sinking before snapping back as those beautiful eyes were looking at him once more, “Don’t lie.” The bit turned away, presumably to walk back to the blue-jacket team, “Your stance said you weren’t ready”

Shoyo flushed deeply as he was caught in his lie but he tried to stay calm, “Well I’ll make sure that today, I win!” The King’s feet stopped walking and turned back to him, those striking eyes looking into his own, “You better try, because I’ll be winning this tournament and nationals.” They both looked into each other's eyes, and Shoyo felt his heart flutter, he hasn’t been able to even properly practice, yet here, the King himself is almost challenging him, and that was a confidence boost he needed after the words he heard.

Shoyo watched as the King walked away, his strength seeping into his. He felt as if his stomach no longer hurt, he’d do his best! All he wanted was to win once against the King!

~*~

Realistically, Shoyo understood that with how little real practice he had and his teammates not actually knowing how to fully play, they wouldn’t stand much of a chance, especially against someone as good as the King.

Still though, he tried his best, and his fast movements were able to keep him going, but with every point lost, he felt his motivation dropping. Yet as he watches the ball that was poorly set fly across the court, he refuses to lose it. He chases after the ball and jumps without thinking and with a swing of his arm, the ball goes speeding down onto the other side of the court.

He falls to the ground, grunting lightly in pain but when he looks up, up to the King, Shoyo’s eyes widen as he saw the boy’s blue eyes that had looked sharp and cold, were now soften and widen, a brightness added to them, the King himself looked to be glowing.

While the match continued, they didn’t have much to go for as his team got very few points, but Shoyo still felt aggravated when he noticed that the other team wasn’t giving their all, reflected by how well they were doing in the beginning. It felt humiliating but then he overheard what the King was yelling about.

“Why are you guys slacking! This is a game and we can’t just not try against the other team!”

Shoyo felt as if his heart was floating with how enchanted this boy had him, he never would expect someone as good as someone named the King of the Court to see him as an opponent. 

If Shoyo had a soulmate, he’d want them to be King, but he knew it wasn’t possible, the soulmark the King had was right on his left wrist, not only that, it was colored in. The hope of having the King was absolute zero. That didn’t make the words said mean any less to him.

Though, no matter how many kind words were said, it didn’t make the loss hurt anymore, when the teams moved to shake hands, the King stopped in front of him, “What have you been doing these past three years?” 

Shoyo watched as a few members on both sides of the court made comments towards what the King said, but to Shoyo, he understood. He understood what Kageyama was trying to tell him, besides, he was right, he hadn't gotten enough practice in, but he wasn’t going to give up.

He walked out with his team, tears staining his eyes as his friends tried to comfort him, and after all the matches were over, he saw Kageyama walking to his school’s bus and with the remaining courage he had, he ran to where the blue-eyed boy was.

Shoyo yelled out,

“Kageyama!”

~*~

When Shoyo first saw Kageyama at Karasuno, he was only upset because he wanted to defeat him, he wanted to give the boy a challenge until he eventually won but now? Now, he couldn’t do that!

But as the days went on, he began to enjoy the feeling of having Kageyama as a teammate, firstly, the boy seemed more relaxed, which he enjoyed, it didn’t take a genius to notice how stiff the boy had seemed, and judging by the band that now covered Kageyama’s soulmark, he assumed the boy’s soulmate contributed to his problems.

A small, selfish part of him hoped he could’ve been the person instead of however this mysterious soulmate was.

He could tell he made Kageyama happy though, at least he did whenever he wasn’t making a million mistakes, he was improving though and that’s what matters.

Though after a while of being at Karasuno, like what always happened with new people he met, the topic of soulmates came up. And this time, unlike usual, he lied and simply said he hadn’t met them yet. He was enjoying his time here and he didn’t want to be pushed away by the group, especially Kageyama.

Yet when he overheard what Kageyama said,

“Uhh, no. That girl is not my soulmate.. I.. I haven’t met mine yet..” 

He felt his heart beat faster as he looked at the band around Kageyama’s soulmark.

So of course he asked to go hangout at Kageyama’s home, he wanted to talk because he knew Kageyama was lying and he wasn’t going to just ignore his best friend! 

And when he was asked, he told Kageyama of his problem, and like always, Kageyama didn’t care and looked past it. Even though most people thought of Kageyama as selfish and self-centered, he was pretty kind as he looked past most things that others would mock, he didn’t look down on someone unless given a real reason and to him, it was like Kageyama was made for him, which reminded him to ask of Kageyama’s soulmate. 

The last thing he expected to hear was that Kageyama was rejected, it was even worse when he heard that it was four people , and it didn’t stop there, Kageyama practically broke down in his arms and Shoyo promised himself that he’d get stronger, better , and he’d keep Kageyama safe,

He just hoped the warm feeling in his heart wouldn’t expand, because even if Kageyama was no longer technically ‘with’ his soulmates, Kageyama still wasn’t meant for Shoyo.

~*~

Time passed and Shoyo improved a lot, even when it came to his confidence and standing his ground, but it wasn’t enough.

It was proven by the Aoba Johsai match, and not just by volleyball terms, what happened after that match. He didn’t understand how he could look Kageyama in the eyes after he had promised to stay by his side and protect him from his old soulmates.

But as he looked down at Kageyama’s broken form how he trembled and vomited flowers, he never felt more like a failure, especially as they brought Kageyama into the bus and he passed out, Hinata was so worried he died, especially when a few days later he was informed by Yachi that Kageyama was sent to the hospital.

Shoyo knew he had to change, he had to get better, he needed to improve in volleyball for himself, to stand on his own, and he needed to improve his strength, to be able to keep a step in front of Kageyama to protect him. 

It became even more apparent after his and Kageyama’s quick was stopped by Lev, a guy much taller than he could ever dream to be.

Shoyo knew that it was his fault, Kageyama’s sets were always perfect, he was incredible, down to the millimeter and Shoyo admired it more than he could ever put into words. But that was just Kageyama, it wasn’t him who was getting any better, he just had to trust Kageyama, and he did.

But Kageyama didn’t trust him.

Later, when they had gotten back from Tokyo and he and Kageyama had been practicing with the help of Yachi, he felt himself get more upset every time the ball fell to the ground.

When he and Kageyama started arguing, so many emotions were flowing through his head, all Shoyo could think about was how he wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t deserve to stand besides Kageyama both on and off court. Shoyo couldn’t stop thinking about it even when the fight began to get physical, so many things flying through his head.

As he pushed his hand up to grab at Kageyama’s throat, the only thing he could think of was the sight of Kageyama half dead on the ground in front of his cruel soulmates. He and Ennoshita ran as fast as they could, Ennoshita wrapping his arms around Kageyama, begging the blue-eyed boy to stand.

Shoyo screaming his heart out as tears pricked his eyes, the look of defeat on the fours faces, it wasn’t enough though. 

‘What the hell is wrong with you four!? Just leave Kageyama ALONE! You all are pathetic! How could you do this to another human, let alone the one who was literally made to be your perfect pair?! People would KILL to have a soulmate like Kageyama yet none of you can see how lucky you all are to have someone like him! But no! You all are too selfish to see that you could’ve had someone who loved you, you all NEVER appreciated him in the way he didn’t have to earn! I hate all of you, and I hope he does too!’ 

Kageyama was an amazing person, with amazing talent, and Shoyo was nothing compared to him. He couldn’t get better by letting Kageyama help him the whole way through.

Shoyo moved his hand to Kageyama’s jaw after seeing a flower petal fall, but he still didn’t back down, plus he knew Kageyama. Shoyo knew that Kageyama needed this to. If either of them backed down, it would be like them telling the other they didn’t care about them.

He and Kageyama screamed in each other’s face, ragging filling both of them until they were both stopped, Shoyo felt a sharp punch to the side of his face while Kageyama was pulled away, the image of Kageyama’s limp body probably still fresh in Tanaka’s mind as well.

Shoyo grunted as he and Kageyama separated and went their own ways, and he looked over and saw Yachi, looking so scared and tearful, and after one last look at Kageyama, he decided to walk Yachi to her stop.

As the two of them walked side by side, Shoyo saw her staring at the soul band on her right wrist. He winced softly to himself, remembering that the two of them were platonic soulmates, yet here she was with him, although she must’ve noticed his stares as she began to speak, “Tobio isn’t really an angry person… I’ve only ever seen him angry when he’s sad or afraid..”

Shoyo realized she must be thinking he’s wanting to not hang around Kageyama anymore, which is the furthest thing from the truth, he isn’t like Kageyama’s undeserving soulmates, he actually tries to notice Kageyama’s emotions and fears, “I know.. don’t worry, I’m just..” He wasn’t going to admit his feelings towards Kageyama to his  platonic soulmate, that’d be stupid, “..not as incredible as him. Kageyama is so talented and amazing when it comes to things and I’m not.. I had promised I’d protect- stay by his side and hit all his sets.. how can I do that if I can’t even do it without him trusting me..”

He and Yachi stopped walking and stood in front of her bus, she looked over at him, her hand still on her wrist, “..Do you like Tobio?” Her face was slightly flushed as she then looked down, awaiting Shoyo’s answer.

Shoyo knew he saw Kageyama as his best friend, his true partner, the person he cared for the most, but he didn’t think Kageyama deserved to have to settle for someone who wasn’t his soulmate. Shoyo knows how people who decide to choose someone who’s not their soulmate are treated, and it’s not like they’re treated badly, it’s just they mostly end up going back to their soulmate, but the bond would be too damaged, harming both parties.

And even though Kageyama had already gotten the worst of it between his soulmates, having been rejected, it doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be struggles. Shoyo doesn’t want to form a romantic relationship with Kageyama just for him to find the truth that Shoyo wouldn’t be enough for him, he doesn’t think his heart could handle it.

But he does selfishly still love Kageyama, and he feels like a monster for stealing Kageyama from what could’ve been a good life for him. Shoyo took a deep breath before answering Yachi, “Yeah.. I do…” Yachi clenched her fists and before moving to get on her bus, she made him promise one thing, “I want to see Tobio be allowed to be happy, but you have to promise me you won’t treat him like his soulmates have…”

Shoyo nodded at her, small tears in his eyes, “I promise..”

And with that, she was gone, and Shoyo had to decide what to do next.

~*~

Meeting the old coach Ukai was like a dream come true for him, Shoyo felt so lightheaded though and this was a nice surprise. He was so panicked and worried when he fell asleep last night, he thought his mood wouldn’t recover for weeks. Shoyo was left alone with the elder as Ukai left, saying he had something to do, which Shoyo didn’t mind.

As he watched the spikes being hit so far, all he could think about was being able to do this with Kageyama. And the practice was fine as well, he enjoyed it but he eventually went back.

When practice came around, he saw Kageyama and he could hardly look him in the eye. He felt shameful, while he wasn’t upset about the things either of them said, he regrets it getting physical. He could’ve sent Kageyama right back to the hospital, Kageyama had just gotten out and he was already barely allowed to play volleyball, it wasn’t fair to Kageyama.

Still, a small part of his heart broke as he and Kageyama were placed on opposite teams, but he pushed past it. He wouldn’t get better in anything if he solely relied on Kageyama. Besides, he could tell it’d be fine. He watched as Kageyama and Yachi talked for a second, a small smile on each of their faces as they stayed after practice had ended.

Shoyo nearly sobbed as he saw that Kageyama was practicing his setting skills, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so seen. 

So he went back to the old coach, he needed to get better like Kageyama, and they’d do great.

~*~

It was a week before the long-form training camp and Shoyo could tell he was getting better at volleyball, yet he still hadn't really practiced with Kageyama. He thought of just waiting until during the camp but he needed to talk to Kageyama. He wanted to tell him how he felt, how he now finally felt like he belonged with someone after being told for years he’d have no one. 

Shoyo was at practice, once again practicing without Kageyama, he looked over his shoulder and watched as Kageyama practiced with Ennoshita. He was glad that it was Ennoshita, most of the team was trying to forget what even happened, and he understood why they’d want to. The image of Kageyama laying next to him while petals and blood stained his chin, Kiyoko rushing to get them all to help with Kageyama, was terrifying. Although it led to them being a tad ignorant towards Kageyama, which wasn’t good for him, especially considering why he was like that in the first place.

But Ennoshita wasn’t like that, while he showed concern and care toward Kageyama, he didn’t baby Kageyama either, so Shoyo appreciated him being there for Kageyama when he couldn’t.

That didn’t make seeing Kageyama without him any less painful, and it made his need to talk to Kageyama even stronger.

Shoyo pouted and turned back to Noya who’s trying to show him something, but he guesses his mood is obvious as Noya strides over with a teasing look, “What’s got you so down, huh?” A small smirk on the boy’s face as he looks to where Shoyo’s eyes were staring, making Shoyo flush slightly, “Aha! You worried about Kages? Don’t worry, he’s in good hands!” Noya patted him on the back but his slightly pouty expression remained as he looked forward.

He appreciated the comfort and went back to practicing, wanting to improve his skills as well as Noya’s. Practice was still fun, especially when he reminded himself of his end goal, but his eyes kept going to Kageyama, watching the way he looks so effortlessly perfect and elegant, he still doesn’t fully understand how Kageyama being a King was bad.

After practice had finally ended, Shoyo sped walked his way over to Kageyama, ignoring the calls telling him to stop or slow down, everyone being worried there’d be another fight. Shoyo looked up as Kageyama's sharp eyes stared at him, not leaving him as he walked forward.

Shoyo kept convincing himself this was a good idea, that it wouldn’t fail. Besides, he couldn’t back down now, he had already told the old coach Ukai that he’d not be coming to practice today. He breathed through his nose as he finally stood in front of Kageyama, having not talked to him for weeks, “Kageyama..”

He watched as Kageyama tensed up and his eyes sharpened, but he knew that the boy wasn’t angry, so he continued to speak, “..can I come over?” Shoyo bit the inside of his mouth as he waited for a response.

Kageyama’s face softened almost immediately after the question was asked, he looked over to Yachi before turning his head back and nodding, “Okay, let’s go.” Shoyo internally sighed in relief and tried to put on a smile.

“Lead the way!”

They left together, behind them, their team was freaking out with concern and worry, not knowing what’ll happen between the two boys.

Shoyo had it down though, he knew what he needed to say, and he hoped he didn’t screw this up. He couldn’t ruin his one shot at having love, he couldn’t make Kageyama’s life worse, he had to do this now.

They walked in silence, neither of them having the courage to say anything more to each other after all that had gone down.

Shoyo and Kageyama reached their destination and Kageyama unlocked the door, they both slipped off their shoes and walked inside, but as Kageyama was leading him to the couch, he said something, “Umm, I think it’d be better if we took this to your room…” Shoyo messed with his fingers as Kageyama looked back at him before simply nodding.

They both entered Kageyama’s bare room and sat on his bed. Shoyo felt his heart squeeze as he saw that there were now, once again, two trash cans beside his bed. 

Kageyama sat there, waiting for him to say something, so with his remaining courage, he spoke up, “..Kageyama.. did you know that I had always thought you were very pretty..?” Kageyama’s head practically snapped up, his eyes wide.

“Wha- What do you mean?” 

Shoyo swallows before continuing to talk, “..I always thought that you were cool.. you were one of the first people who never doubted me or what I enjoyed, despite having known nothing about me.. hell, you even defended me against three of your teammates for underestimating me..” Shoyo said with a small chuckle.

Kageyama’s lip wobbled as he tried speaking as well, “I wasn’t.. I wasn't nice.. I was so loud and I had screamed at you-“

Shoyo placed a finger to Kageyama’s mouth, making him stop talking, “You. Were. Fine.” He moved his hand away and resumed himself, “..when I had gotten to know you.. I realized how incredible you were even outside of the court, how kind you were even though no one cared to notice.. and when I found out your soulmates rejected you..” Kageyama grimaced softly, so he placed a hand on the blue-eyed boy’s trembling hands, “..I didn’t understand why they would give up someone so amazing, you were even so amazing that I… that I started to wish I was your soulmate..”

Kageyama gasped and squeezed his hand, “What…” Shoyo smiled weakly, tears forming as he tried to get out what else he had to say, “I wanted to be the person who got to love you.. and I know it’s selfish of me to want to take someone away when they already have soulmates, but you’re so amazing that becoming a monstrous person would be worth it if I even had the chance to be was you..” 

Tears dripped down his cheeks, Kageyama’s eyes staring into his as tears began to fall from his as well, “..I know that it’s looked down upon to steal you from your soulmates, but I promise, if you give me the chance to love you in the way you deserve, I won’t waste that chance.” 

Kageyama was all he ever wanted, even when Shoyo didn’t know him yet.

Kageyama let out soft sobs as Shoyo let go of his hands, even though Shoyo knew he didn’t deserve someone like Kageyama, he just wanted the boy to also know how amazing he was, how what he’s been treated like wasn’t what he deserved.

But before he could apologize for making Kageyama cry, Kageyama was leaning forward, his whole body trembling as he weakly pressed his lips to Shoyo’s. 

By no means was it a good kiss, both of their lips had tears and saliva on them from crying, their faces red for the same reason. They were both trembling as they reached back to hold each other's hands, but Shoyo didn’t care. These were Kageyama’s lips, and that’s all that mattered, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so lucky and selfish at once.

Neither pulled away, not until the taste of blood filled their mouths and they rushed to pull away, Shoyo rushed and grabbed one of Kageyama’s trash and rushed to help hold it for him. He gently pushed back Kageyama’s hair as he began to cough and vomit flowers into the trash can, and Shoyo had a selfish thought that he wasn’t as bad as he thought he was. If Kageyama’s disgusting soulmates were the ones who caused him to be in this kind of pain, they didn’t deserve him anymore.

After a few minutes, Kageyama stopped and pulled away, a few petals stuck to his face as he grabbed the can out of Shoyo’s hands and placed it on the ground. He looked down, embarrassed, before speaking, “…I’m sorry..” Kageyama shook his hand and placed his face into his knees, his forehead touching the bed, “..I don’t deserve you.. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry…”

Shoyo frowned and shook his head, placing himself on top of Kageyama’s body in a hug, Kageyama didn’t stop though, “..I’m ruined.. I’m a terrible person… you deserve better.. I’m not good enough for you.. I’m sorry..” Shoyo sobbed and shook his head into Kageyama’s back.

“..no.. you’re the best I could ever want.. ..I don’t want more than you because you’re more than I’ve earned… your so incredible and you’re not ruined just because your soulmates are assholes-“

“I’m not ruined because of that!”

Shoyo jumped a bit at the yell but didn’t stop his tight, comforting hold on Kageyama, he didn’t want the boy to think he was scared of him. Kageyama cried softly before talking once again, “I had gotten..” Kageyama cried harder and sat up, looking at Kageyama with sad eyes, Shoyo leaned forward and pulled Kageyama into a proper hug, rubbing his back gently.

“Shh.. it’s okay.. I won’t think you’re ruined.. it does not matter what you say..”

Kageyama shook his head and buried it in Shoyo’s neck, tears staining his shirt. He sobbed as he forced out the words he was needing to say, “..I was raped, Hinata…” 

Shoyo froze, his hold on Kageyama dropping as he pulled back and looked up at him, and Kageyama looked so scared.  

He didn’t know what to say, he didn't even think he'd processed the words. How could he, he was only a teenager, he wasn’t supposed to be worried about this stuff. Yet, Kageyama had it happen to him, someone decided to hurt him in.. in such a terrifying way, Kageyama was even younger than him and that happened to him.

Shoyo shook his head softly and shakingly reached to grab Kageyama’s hands, “..oh, Kageyama.. oh my god.. I’m so sorry.. I-… I can’t even imagine how that..” Kageyama cried out in pain and fell back into Shoyo’s arms, crying loudly and unapologetically.

After the shock died down a bit, as he didn’t think it’d ever fully die down, he felt anger fill him. Was it one of Kageyama’s soulmates? Would they go that far? Shoyo didn’t want to make Kageyama uncomfortable, but he wanted to know who it was. If it was one of Kageyama’s soulmates, he’d do everything and anything to make sure they never came near the boy again.

“..who did it..?”

His voice trembled as he spoke, Kageyama sniffled into his neck and mumbled his words, “..one of my old teammates and his girlfriend…” 

Shoyo didn’t know if that was worse or better, because what the actual fuck. He had heard of what happened between Kageyama and his old teammates both through him and some of their teammates but this is how he was getting fucking treated by that god awful team?! What else did the people on that team do to Kageyama, and where the hell was the coach when this was happening? Did Kageyama’s soulmates know about this? Did they know about this when they rejected him?

So many questions and he wanted to ask them all, but Kageyama was already crying so hard just by telling him, he didn’t want to make him talk about it and think about it more. He refused to do that to him, he gently grabbed Kageyama’s face instead, softly talking, “..I’m so sorry that happened.. but that didn’t and would NEVER ruin you.. you’ve done nothing wrong and I’m sorry that.. that your old team treated you so.. so terribly..” 

“..do you still see a future with me even after knowing that..? ..you don’t think I’m pathetic..? ..that I let myself have that happen to me because my soulmates didn’t give me enough attention..?”

Kageyama looked at him fearfully, scared of what Shoyo would say, but Shoyo didn’t understand how that would be a reason for him to stop caring about Kageyama, just because two people were disgusting and terrible doesn’t mean that Kageyama is anything less in his eyes, “..I still love you.. you aren’t pathetic for getting hurt..”

Kageyama hugged Shoyo to his chest, a kiss to the shorter one’s forehead, “Thank you… because I think I love you too..”

~*~

Shoyo woke up first the next day, his limbs tangled with Kageyama’s, the boy was still asleep and Shoyo traced his eyes over the boy’s face, the area around his eyes red and tear tracks still staining his cheeks, but he looked happier. After they had calmed down last night, they fell asleep, no more words or touches being exchanged, they just relaxed into the comfort of each other, feeling like they were both enough.

Shoyo hoped Kageyama knew how amazing he was. He leaned forward and laid a kiss on the boy’s forehead before grabbing his left wrist gently, tracing his fingers against the dark crosses on his skin, outlines of the carousel still remaining.

He almost hoped his soulmates could feel that Kageyama moved on, that he wouldn’t let himself be held back by their failures.

Shoyo promised himself that he’d always love Kageyama in the way he deserved.

Chapter Text

Yuutarou looked down at his soulmate with disgust, holding a similar amount of disgust for himself. He couldn’t believe that this is who he looked up to so much that he abandoned one of his soulmates. He lost Kageyama because he wanted to be loved by Oikawa. He scoffed at the thought of his younger self, so stupid for not realizing what he lost. 

He is barely able to wrap his mind around the fact that Kageyama was raped assaulted, yet Oikawa could stand there and fucking blame him for what happened. It didn’t help that he knew that those words sounded similar to his own thoughts, he regrets ever thinking that Kageyama was selfish for hanging out with Nanjo that thing, for wallowing in his jealous instead of putting effort into making a connection with Kageyama, for making Kageyama think he didn’t care.

Yuutarou watched as his ex-soulmate was carried away by that stupid shortie and some other player on Kageyama’s team, being left alone with just his soulmates. The pile of blood, flowers, and vomit made a revolting smell that reached his nose, it made him gag and what to vomit as well.

His attention was turned as he watched Iwaizumi walk towards Oikawa, who was still lying on the ground even after Kunimi lifted himself off the other, and Yuutarou flinched back as he watched Iwaizumi lift up Oikawa and slap him, the noise shocking his whole body.

“..How the hell could you say THAT?!” 

Kunimi made a step closer to him as Iwaizumi’s voice raised, Yuutarou grabbed his soulmate’s arm and pulled him close. It was always scary seeing Iwaizumi being genuinely mad , especially at Oikawa. Yuutarou just wanted to wake up and pretend that none of this ever happened, that he still has his soulmates and they all love each other. It wouldn’t be possible though because none of them loved Kageyama, that short kid was right, they weren’t good enough for him.

Oikawa trembled down to his bones, his body shaking as he just sat on the ground, his voice just loud enough for others to hear, “..I hate him…” The tears streaming down his face made Yuutarou want to slap him too, “..I hope those flowers choke him, like how he probably gladly accepted his throat to get raped-“ 

Yuutarou couldn’t listen to this, to know that he could’ve saved Kageyama if he didn’t drown himself in jealousy and look at Kageyama without fogged vision and recognized that Kageyama loved him .

So, like the coward and selfish person he was, he turned on his feet, hoping to proceed to the bus, return to a back seat, and cry until they reached home. Yuutarou felt his skin melt off his bones as he was faced with one of his senpais.

Matsukawa looked like he was gonna be sick. In the background, Yuutarou could hear the slight sound of his other soulmates also coming to the realization that people saw and heard what happened.

‘ They saw how I ruined my soulmate, my soulmate who loved me like it wasn’t hard. How I rejected him and left him with nothing but a hole in his chest.’

His teammates started walking forward, making Yuutarou having to walk backwards, back to his soulmates. Their eyes went from sickness to anger, Oikawa eventually stood as well, covering his mouth ever so slightly with his hand as he realized what they all heard him say about a fifteen-year-old.  

It was too obvious what happened. The smell of sickening iron mixed with a floral, dirt scent that surrounded the four of them let everyone who was close know the situation.

How they gave their soulmate Hanahaki Disease. Gave their soulmate an illness that could never be cured, that always ended in its victim dying from their own love. Being so unloved that their bodies couldn’t stand to live anymore.

Yuutarou remembers one time hearing Kageyama sniffle and cry in a bathroom stall in their second year.

The boy had cried for death. To be taken with his grandfather when he passed.

The Hanahaki seemed to almost be an answer to Kageyama’s prayer. An excuse for Kageyama to kill himself without being selfish.

Yuutarou was pushed to the side as Matsukawa walked to Oikawa and slapped him on the opposite cheek of the other hand print. Oikawa just looked down in shame.

Iwaizumi’s lips shoved as he spoke, “..We were told to get on the bus, why aren’t you guys there..?” 

Matsukawa just looked enraged by the comment, “Are. you. serious?” Yuutarou turned his head away as Matsukawa turned to look at the other three of them, distaste for them felt too merciful for him. He deserved worse for destroying those bright eyes and gentle smile. Matsukawa turned back to Iwaizumi and snarled, “You guys to us you didn’t know your fifth soulmate. Yet, I just saw a boy with YOUR mark on the back of his shoulder and he was vomiting fucking FLOWERS!?”

Yuutarou snapped his head up at that. Iwaizumi’s mark was visible? Kageyama wouldn’t die? 

Thoughts of him laying with Kageyama filled his head, the two endowed in a green, no more leaves or petals. Those blue eyes looking at him as if he would block the world’s pain away from him. Holding the boy as he comforted the younger one through nightmares of that thing , yet none of those held him anymore.

Iwaizumi seemed to have come to the same revelation, his eyes filled with hope, a small smile gazing over his face, “The mark wasn’t crossed out?”

Yuutarou was taken away from his fantasies as he watched his other teammates move forward, Hanamaki standing besides his own soulmate as he yelled at Iwaizumi too, “Fuck you! How can that be what you’re worried about!?” He snapped his head up, turning to Oikawa who wasn’t looking any of them in the eye, “And you . Is that what you think of people who’ve been.. fucking shit!” He pushed his fingers to his forehead as he let out a groan, “I can barely even say the word itself, yet you can just blame a kid for having it happen to them!”

Oikawa opened his mouth, and Yuutarou didn’t want to hear it, he didn’t want to hear those things again, “..I..” The thought of Kageyama’s small body came into his mind, all four of them practically towered over the boy in the first year, and with the utter adoring love he had held towards them all, it was almost so simple to forget that the boy was the same age as him and Kunimi, as well as just a bit younger than Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Oikawa took a shaky breath and tried looking towards Iwaizumi for help, but Iwaizumi’s face held just as much guilt, if not more, “..I hadn’t.. meant it.. like that..”

Oikawa’s lips trembled, Yuutarou as well felt so vulnerable. Their whole team was staring at the four of them, it was humiliating . 

Yuutarou blinked and a few tears fell, dripping onto his jacket. He just wanted to leave, the sight of blood and vomit was too much for him.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa were covering their few other teammates with their own bodies, as if trying to keep them safe from them. He wondered if Kageyama felt this way when they had isolated him in their first year.

Hanamaki muttered something, barely loud enough to hear, before leaving to the team’s bus, “..fuck you four.. you guys are fucking murders..” 

Yuutarou just looked down, he was angry at himself. For not noticing Kageyama until he needed help the most, and then just didn’t help one bit. He hated Kunimi for just watching what happened when he could’ve just told him, and he would’ve reported it, or at least made sure that Kageyama didn’t have to be near that thing again. 

Fuck, throughout middle school, Kageyama was forced to see the person who had touched him and Yuutarou didn’t even know. He was supposed to love and protect his soulmate, but he couldn't even comfort him.

Yuutarou felt frustrated at Iwaizumi for not going more to stop Oikawa, having only watched as Oikawa did everything to make sure that Kageyama knew they wanted nothing to do with him,  even as some days Kageyama would go home cry after some particularly rude comments and actions from Oikawa.

And Oikawa , Yuutarou didn’t know how to feel if he was honest. He felt disgusted, the sick feeling he got as he imagined what Kageyama would’ve gone through, yet he heard Oikawa say such things as if they were true.

It was sickening, he felt grossed out by Oikawa, to a deep level.

The image of Kageyama, a boy who held himself so high, even if he wasn't being egotistical, but instead because he was happy to be able to do something he loved, being forced down, pushed into a wall as hands held him.

Those sick hands touching his skin as if it was theirs to touch, when it wasn’t anyone’s.

Yuutarou jumped back as he felt his arm be touched, Iwaizumi looked as if he was talking but Yuutarou couldn’t listen, all he could think about was those images of how young Kageyama would’ve looked as he was hurt.

Yuutarou backed up, staring into the eyes of Iwaizumi, he was supposed to make sure that this shit wouldn’t happen, he took another step back and felt his foot squish something.

He turned and saw full flowers crushed under his feet. Yuutarou turned back and looked at Iwaizumi, before doubling over and vomiting onto Iwaizumi’s feet.

~*~

Yuutarou was so happy when he woke up, looking over and seeing Kageyama, they had been in their second year of middle school and Kageyama, once again, forgot to take off his jacket before falling asleep.

He snickered softly and sat up, lifting Kageyama’s smaller body into his lap and laying his chin down into the younger one’s head. He could hear Kageyama whine cutely in his sleep and watched as the boy tried to bury his face in Yuutarou’s chest. 

This was what he wanted.

His soulmate in his arms.

Sure, the two got off on the wrong step, but it was fine now. Oikawa apologized last year after he had ran away from Kageyama after finding out he was the fifth one. Iwaizumi apologized for not taking care of him better, and had been taking care of Kageyama especially with how lonely the boy was.

Kunimi never saw that and Yuutarou made up with Kageyama for being so distant, apologizing for not loving him. It was fine now though, it didn’t matter any more because now he had Kageyama in his arms.

Kageyama woke up after a few seconds, weakly looking up at Yuutarou before smiling softly, leaning forward and kissing his cheek.

“Good morning, Yuu…” Yuutarou smiled happily and kissed Kageyama in a soft, good-morning kiss, cuddling the boy closer to him.

“Well, good morning to you too.. Did you sleep well?”

Kageyama continued to smile, his hand moving down to hold Yuutarou’s hand,

“No.”

Yuutarou stared down with concern laced over his face, “No? Why? Did you have a nightmare?”

“No, it was real.” 

Kageyama sat up, sitting across from Yuutarou, his eyes full of tears and streaming down his face, but a familiar smile remained on the boy’s face.

What was going on? Yuutarou didn’t understand, they were fine, everything was fine. He moved his hand towards Kageyama’s face and yelped as flowers bloomed under the skin he touched, he watched as flowers began to ruin Kageyama’s young face, “Tobio..! What’s wrong?! What happened! Please just tell me!” Tears began to flood his eyes as he held Kageyama’s face, trying to wipe away the flowers that picked at his skin, blood dripping down his wrists.

Yuutarou didn’t want Kageyama to die, he didn’t want to live without him, yet he was falling apart under his fingers, “Tobio, please.. I’m scared..”

He leaned his face down onto Kageyama’s shoulders, crying weakly, he just wanted Kageyama, he didn’t want to hurt him, yet every touch was making him bleed.

“..please, Tobio…”

Kageyama gently took Yuutarou’s hands into his own, leading them to the blue jacket that he left on, Yuutarou looked up with teary eyes as Kageyama unzipped his jacket, and once it was gone, it easily slipped off the smaller boy’s shoulders.

Kageyama smiled at Yuutarou so beautifully, but there were hands all over him, dark red handprints littered his body and Yuutarou choked on his breath, looking at the marks.

“Tobio…”

But as soon as he tried to grab Kageyama, his skin bleed, he screamed in terror as flowers broke through Kageyama’s skin, turning him into their own personal garden as Yuutarou tried to grab Kageyama and hold him together, but every touch made it worse.

“..no, no, no no NO..! please, Tobio..!? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry..!”

He held onto the flowers desperately, trying to get back what he had, what he wanted.

The boy that could’ve been his.

~*~

Yuutarou woke up alone, tears staining his face as he stared up at his ceiling, he gasped out for air before he began to cry, weak sobs ripping from his throat as he sat up, wiping at his face as he sobbed.

It wasn’t long before he heard his parents, he looked up with teary eyes as his door opened and he saw his mom and dad standing in the doorway. Yuutarou cried harder as they ran towards his bed and wrapped their arms around him, his mom’s gentle fingers coming through his hair while his dad rubbed his back.

His mother looked at him worryingly, “Sweetie? What’s wrong? I know you said you and your soulmates had a fight after your match today, is that what’s wrong?”  Yuutarou just cried harder, it wasn’t a small fight, they ruined one of their soulmates, and they hadn’t told anyone. His team only knew because they were listening in.

They were all so selfish.

“Mama- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Yuutarou buried his face in his mom’s shoulder and sobbed his heart out, feeling guilty as his parents tried to comfort him. Did Kageyama get this privilege? Did he never have to worry if no one would be by his side? Was Kageyama assured he’d never be alone? 

Yuutarou sobbed harder, and his parents were so confused, they’ve never seen their son like this, he didn’t cry much in general so it worried them deeply. His father’s comforting voice filled his ears as he pulled away from his mom’s shoulder, “It’s okay, Yuu.. you can tell us what’s wrong.. no matter what, you can always tell us anything ..”

He was right, Yuutarou needed to tell them everything. They needed to know that he rejected his soulmate, how he treated him, how he’s lied for the past three years that he didn’t know who his fifth soulmate was. He didn’t care if they hated them after, he didn’t care if he lost everything, an apology to Kageyama wasn’t enough, he needed to pay for what he did.

“Mama..? After… after the match tomorrow, can my soulmates and their families come over..?” His parents looked at each and nodded, making Yuutarou take a sharp breath.

“Of course, sweetie! Did something happen with them?”

Yuutarou buried his face in his hands, nodding weakly as he continued to cry, his parents comforting hands running through his hair.

The guilt still burned, he just hoped the others would go along with his plan.

~*~

Yuutarou thought the hardest part of the next day would be talking his soulmates into telling their families about Kageyama, turns out, facing his team was worse .

None of them would even look at any of the four of them, and Yuutarou understood, especially after what Oikawa said.

As soon as he arrived and got onto the bus, he ended up just sitting alone in the back. He couldn’t look any of his soulmates in the eye, they also looked terrible, like they got no sleep, and he couldn’t sit with anyone else, he thought he saw Yahaba tear up at the sight of him.

He didn’t blame him, he was a monster.

A selfish, arrogant monster.

He just wanted to be a good soulmate, he knew he could be a good soulmate.

Yuutarou wished he could refuse time, he wished he could’ve protected and stood up to Oikawa when he was rude to Kageyama. That he could’ve saved him from that , and reported them so Kageyama didn’t have to spend all of middle school looking at those people . He wants Kageyama so badly to just be safe and happy.

And he hates that he can’t be the one to do that. Especially when all he wants to do is curl up with Kageyama, laying gentle kisses all over his face. Kissing away any stray tears from his beautiful eyes that should’ve never lost their spark.

Yuutarou turned and looked out the window with teary eyes, blocking out anything his couch was saying, nothing was as important as Kageyama right now.

As the bus started moving, he pulled out his phone and flipped it open, opening his messages with his soulmates,

From Kindaichi: 

‘i invited u guys and your families over for dinner after the match’

‘we should tell them all about Kageyama’

Yuutarou barely had to wait a second for a response, although it made him feel even worse as he remembers when he got that text form Kageyama and practically ignored it.

From Kunimi:

‘what??’

‘we can’t do that!’

‘they’ll kill us’

From Iwaizumi:

‘No’

‘We should Kunimi’

Yuutarou placed his phone back down, that’s all that mattered. As long as one person was on his side, it was enough.

He just hoped Oikawa didn’t say any more stupid shit.

He sighed and rested his head against the window, looking forward at the seat in front of him as he roughly wiped his tears, sniffling harshly as he felt his phone vibrate a million times with the amount of notifications he was receiving.

Yuutarou did his best to ignore them for the rest of the way, he kind of hoped they’d lose if it meant Oikawa’s unhappiness.

~*~

Yuutarou was right.

They lost.

It wasn’t a shock to him, all of them were high on emotions that pushed them away from each other, leaving them unable to work together.

The only thing he could find upsetting about it is the distance and hatred being pushed towards him.

He couldn’t believe that this was how Kageyama felt for those three years in middle school.

His parents were up in the crowd, sitting with his soulmates’ family and he felt his heart break as he watched them all giving reassuring smiles. He even saw his younger brother, a small smile on the boy’s face while talking with Takeru while Oikawa and Kunimi’s older sisters were fussing over the two of them.

All of them were here, and they all had smiling faces, unknowing of what they’ve done so cruelly.

Yuutarou squeezed his fists tightly, feeling his jagged fingernails dig into the skin of his palms. He never used to have that problem. Kageyama would take care of his nails, and not just his nails, but his hands. 

Massaging his palm when it felt bruised, smoothing out his fingernails and caring for the skin around them. 

He even remembers one time when Kageyama laid a small kiss on his knuckles.

He wishes he didn’t rip his hand away from Kageyama afterwards.

Yuutarou turned away from the stadiums, looking at his team, and he nearly jumped back when he saw how relaxed Oikawa was. It wasn’t even a false facade that was hiding how upset he was. He genuinely seemed calmed, like something was lifted off his shoulders.

His teammates seemed to be relaxed a bit as well before going into just the group of them, leaving him, Kunimi, Oikawa, and Iwaizumi alone.

He tried to suck in the gentle presence of the court, breathing deeply before they all had to move together to shake hands with the other team.

Yuutarou’s eyes were dazed as he walked out with his soulmates, not looking his team in the eye as they did to him, Kunimi stood next to him, his fingers laced with his own as they tried to help each other calm down for what they knew was coming.

He looked forward and saw their families standing there, waiting for them and he nearly cried when he saw his parents. They were smiling so lovingly, but he didn’t think he deserved it, how could he deserve something so kind when all he’s done is hurt Kageyama.

His heartbeat quickened as his parents moved forward and hugged him tightly, the other three were in a similar state as their families went 

towards them.

He looked down at his mother and grimaced at her loving face, “Hey, mama… are they all coming over for dinner?” He mostly mumbled his sentence, turning his gaze away from his mom and down at his feet.

His mom patted his shoulders and chuckled softly, “Why yes they are! You boys were working so hard today, I made sure to make plenty of food!” Yuutarou nearly winced but held it in, wanting to at least enjoy a dinner with his family and soulmates before they most likely ruined their families relationship with them.

He looked up and gave a strained smile to his mom, “Okay, thank you, mama!”

Yuutarou hoped they’d still love him.

Chapter Text

The first step into his house filled him with dread, Yuutarou felt as if his skin would melt off his bones and show his family what he truly is. He could see his soulmates suffering from the same feeling, despite their forced smiles and casual conversations they made with everyone in the home, he could see that they as well were terrified of what was going to happen.

“Yuu, sweetie! Help me set the table please?” His mom’s voice called him away and he pushed off his shoes and placed his bag down before following her to their kitchen. His hands shook as he placed down a bowl for everyone, he thought he was going to break one.

He couldn’t do this, it was too much, the thought of losing everyone terrified him and he didn’t want to be alone. 

He pushed away those selfish thoughts as he remembered Kageyama’s weak body limp in another boy’s arm. 

Yuutarou took a sharp inhale, remembering how there’s still dried blood on the bottom of his shoes.

His mom turned towards him and when she placed a hand on his shoulder, he jumped, making her more worried for her son, “What’s wrong, Yuutarou? Are you not feeling well?” She moved her hands to his forehead and cheeks, checking to see if he was warm.

Yuutarou pushed away her hand, he couldn’t take the loving touches either. “It’s nothing, mama.. it was just something that crossed my mind is all..” She didn’t look like she believed him, but she moved on anyway. He let out a sigh and finished setting the table, his soulmates and their families finding a place to sit.

He sat beside Kunimi, taking his hand under the table and squeezing it tightly. He felt as if his heart was going to explode.

Yuutarou didn’t want to be hated and abandoned by his family and loved ones. At the same time though, he wanted them to be mad, he wanted people to care about Kageyama and keep the boy safe. Especially since he couldn’t do either of those things, he couldn’t even appreciate the boy when he was right there behind him.

He glossed over the small speech their parents made over them, saying how proud they were for their match today. Yuutarou doubts they’d be proud if they knew how much of a monster he was. Especially when it should’ve been Kageyama standing in an aqua jersey right next to him.

Yuutarou stared down at his food, picking at it but not picking it up. He wasn’t registering anything his parents or most likely in-laws were saying until he heard a sharp gasp from beside him and Kunimi’s hand squeezing his forearm.

He looked up quickly and saw the confused look on everyone else’s face. He gulped and his bottom lip shivered as he spoke, “Sorry- I was.. daydreaming.. what were you saying again?” 

Oikawa’s mother blinked softly and smiled gently before repeating herself, “Oh, well, it’s just you boys are getting so old now, I was just wondering if you’ve found your guys’ fifth yet! Or at least have a clue on who they are?” Her face was gentle as she let out a soft chuckle, a few other members adding on in amusement.

“Exactly! You fellows all found each other in your guys’ middle school years and it’s been a while since then,” Iwaizumi’s father added, making Yuutarou feel his heart sink even deeper, “Besides, how hard would it be to find a boy with four soulmarks? Your guys’ bond is quite the rarity!”

It was.

Yuutarou had gotten so lucky, so lucky to be loved and cared for.

And he threw it all away because of a stupid mistake that should've never happened.

He knew he didn’t have an excuse.

Especially for what he did before Kageyama even started to act rashly and rudely.

Yuutarou knew he just ruined a boy because he was too selfish and blind to realize that he was loved by that boy too.

As he continued to hear them talk about who their fifth could be, how they haven’t found them yet, he felt a tear drip down his face.

He didn’t care if his soulmates were ready or not, their families had to know now.

It seems Oikawa beat him to the punch though.

“We already found our fifth.”

He, Kunimi, and Iwaizumi snapped their heads over to Oikawa, shock littered on their faces. The four of them turned to look at their families and they looked happy, it wouldn’t last long though.

“Really- when! Why didn’t you tell us this already-“

“Well, who are they? What’s their name? How’d you meet them-“

“Oh my goodness, you guys are getting so old and now you guys have all five of each other-“

“When can we meet them?”

Yuutarou turned and looked at his little brother, the last question coming from him and Yuutarou felt another tear fall, to the confusion of his little brother.

Yuutarou could see his younger brother’s own soulmark on the back of his brother’s right hand.

All he could think is what he’d do if he found out his brother’s soulmate rejected him. This wasn’t fair.

“You can’t.”

The faces of the adults began to sink, as if they understood what he meant but they were trying not to believe it. His mom coughed to catch his attention and chuckled nervously, “What do you mean, honey? Why can’t we meet your guys’ soulmate? They’re family.”

Yuutarou bite his lip hard, his mom didn’t deserve to have a son as terrible as him,

“Because we rejected him early this year.”

It was dead silently after he finished what he was saying, he could hear sounds of small tears hitting the table and he couldn’t tell if the sound was from him, or from one of his soulmates. It was probably all of them if he was going to be honest with himself.

More sound only started to fill the room as he heard Kunimi’s sister let out a choked sob before everyone started speaking.

Oikawa’s sister and her husband stood up and she grabbed her son away from where he was sitting next to Oikawa, looking at her brother's face with disgust, “We’re going to the guest room.”

His mother clicked her tongue and he couldn’t even care to look at her as she began to scream, “What the HELL! Are you being serious, Yuutarou?! If you’re fucking joking, that’s not funny! Do you know how serious that is!?”

Her face was red and she looked as if she was going to start crying, Yuutarou felt terrible. How could he not realize what he was doing to everyone around him, what he did to Kageyama.

“No- no, mama.. I’m not joking.. I’m really sorry-“ He tried to tell her but she slammed her hand on the table and stood up, and glared at him and his soulmates over the table.

“Do you boys realize what you just did! What’s that boy’s name? Is he even still alive! That shit fucking KILLS people! Do you boys understand that!?”

Yuutarou looked down and nodded, he understood now, especially after what he saw, he cried harder as he tried to choke out an apology, “..mama- ..I didn’t mean to hurt Kageyama..”

She stormed out of the room, followed by his dad who grabbed his little brother and pulled him away with them, not even bothering to look at him and that just made Yuutarou feel worse than if his father looked at him in disappointment.

Kunimi’s father was staring at the four of them with blank eyes, Kunimi’s mom and sister leaving the room off to the living room, “Kageyama.. that’s the boy..?”

They all nodded in response, knowing it’d be useless and pointless to lie about Kageyama, Yuutarou didn’t want to lie about him anymore, not like how he’s done since he’s found out his fifth soulmate was him.

The man placed his head down in his hands and groaned in annoyance, making Yuutarou grimace and grab Kunimi’s hand, even if he was mad at the boy for what he didn’t do, he was too scared to be on his own.

While their heads were down, the remaining adults at the table talked amongst themselves, deciding what to say next before they came to an agreement. Everyone else left the table except for Iwaizumi’s father and he took a second before speaking.

“Why would you guys do this?”

The four of them stayed quiet, Yuutarou didn’t even know what he’d say. Why did he do it?

Because he was mad at Kageyama? That felt stupid, he treated Kageyama badly even before that all happened. There was no reason for what he did. He was just high on emotion and made the stupidest decisions he’s made his whole life and destroyed any last bit of love Kageyama could’ve held for him.

Iwaizumi was the first to raise his voice, even if it was barely loud enough to hear, “..it’s my fault.. I had brought up the idea of rejection, it was my fault-“

Yuutarou snapped his head over. Iwaizumi apparently didn’t even reject Kageyama, it wasn’t Iwaizumi’s fault, it was his.  

“Iwa- Hajime, it wasn’t your fault.. you’re the only one of us who didn’t reject him! It’s my fault, I was the one who thought it was a good idea!”

Kunimi looked over and shook his head, “Yuu, no. We know this is my fault, I- I was the first to reject him..” Tears dripped down his face, “I was the one who said and did those horrible things! Don’t blame yourself because I could say anything about what happened..”

Yuutarou flinched back at that, Iwaizumi’s father looked a little confused, and while the short thought of telling them as well what Kunimi saw and what he didn’t do, he didn’t know if Kageyama would want him saying that he. So he pushed it aside and focused back on the present.

“..It was my fault, okay?!” He turned to Iwaizumi’s father and the man didn’t seem to have changed his expression at their tears, “I was being selfish, that’s the reason! I was being selfish- and..and I was being rude and I refused to try and understand Kageyama..!”

He felt more tears streaming down his face as he hiccuped, “But- please.. believe me when I say I don’t want Kageyama dead-  I love…” He looked over at his soulmates before looking back, “..I love him… I do.. and I-.. I’m so sorry.. please-“

Oikawa cut him off abruptly, 

“I wanted him dead.”

All of them looked at Oikawa, and the few in the living, including Oikawa’s parents, stared at him as he continued to talk.

“I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to see him in pain. I  had hated him”

Yuutarou was shaking badly, he didn’t know if he should be worried for Kageyama or Oikawa because this , this couldn’t be normal.

Iwaizumi let out a quiet, small noise, “..what..” Iwaizumi looked utterly terrified.

Oikawa just continued though, “I wanted to see him hurt so badly, I felt so angry at him and I wanted him gone.” His face was so blank, Yuutarou felt himself move backwards instinctively as Oikawa spoke, “I never thought about this way towards anyone else, no matter how upset I was or what they did to me, it was only him. I hated his stupid eyes that followed me, looking at me with a dumb expression, not even caring when I’d insult him or do small things to physically hurt him. He’d just run right back to me..”

Iwaizumi’s father looked as if he was about to vomit, but they all knew there was more, “..go on…”

Oikawa snapped his eyes to look at the man, his expression finally something and it was just.. guilt.. “..I don't think I actually realized he’d not always come right back.. after I- we all rejected him, he didn’t follow me to Seijoh like he was supposed to.. Instead, he went somewhere else, and made friends and found new people to look up to..”

“..a new person to love..”

Oikawa coughed weakly as he positioned his head down in shame, “I don’t want him dead anymore.. I don’t think I ever did but, that won’t take back what I did.. and what I made the others think about Tobio.. I’m sorry..”

Oikawa stood up from his chair and pushed it out of the way. He sank to his knees and placed his head on the ground towards Yuutarou, Iwaizumi, Kunimi, and Iwaizumi’s father, the other adults now back in the dining room, as he placed his hands beside his head.

“I’m sorry… please I’m so sorry.. don’t be mad at them for what I caused.. none of this would’ve happened if I wasn’t a terrible person..”

Oikawa sobbed hard onto the wood floor, “..I want to love him.. I should’ve loved him because he’s such a good person and he deserved it… I’m sorry.. i'm so sorry..”

Yuutarou felt like throwing up again, his whole body was shaking and he and Kunimi were holding each other’s hand so tightly he thought they were both gonna break something. Oikawa just kept going though.

“..I want to love him so badly but I can’t.. I hurt him so badly… I don’t know why I’m like this, I’m sorry… I could’ve loved him like he deserved and I didn’t…”

Oikawa sat up, turning to his own parents with tears streaming down his face, “ma..mom, dad.. I’m sorry.. I tried.. I tried to stop hurting him but I couldn’t.. I just couldn’t.. I didn’t mean for it to get this bad.. I’m sorry..”

Yuutarou wasn’t very surprised when Iwaizumi sunk into the ground and pulled Oikawa into his arms, what was surprising though was the apologies slipping from Iwaizumi’s mouth to Oikawa.

“..I’m sorry, Oikawa… ..I didn’t help you when you needed it.. I’m so sorry to both you and Kageyama…”

For a while after that, no one spoke, most of the people in the room just crying, some from anger, some from fear, some from guilt. Yuutarou hated hearing his brother cry in the other room the most, he didn’t want this.

After a while, they all stood up, the dinner prepared long forgotten at the table, Yuutarou and his soulmates were sitting side by side on the couch, all of them having a tear stained face. In front of them stood their parents, they went ahead and had a small discussion before coming back over to them.

Yuutarou’s mom sighed before speaking, “Firstly, we would like to have contact with Kageyama and whoever his caregivers may be, we need to apologize for your guys’ behavior.”

Yuutarou winced slightly, knowing he doesn’t really have any contact with Kageyama anymore after he blocked them all, but he nodded nonetheless.

“Secondly, we want to know everything about this boy and what all had happened, don’t make excuses, just tell us so we know if we could help this boy in any way.”

He hated that it was something that needed to be said, they should’ve been the ones helping and caring for Kageyama, not their parents.

“Thirdly..” He watched as his mom took a deep breath tears forming in her eyes as she tried to blink away her tears before looking back to them,

“We don’t.. we don’t think you guys realize how bad this was.. that boy could’ve died because of your guys stupid decisions.. I don’t.. I don’t know if any of us can look at you guys the same.. we love you guys it’s just..”

Yuutarou scrunched up his face as he tried not to cry again, he wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t let near his brother again.

Him and his soulmates swallowed their pride and nodded in agreement, understanding that this wasn’t just something small, Yuutarou knows he’s lucky to even have seen Kageyama again.

His mom sighed and her shoulders became less tense, “Okay.. Yuu go to your room.” He nodded and went off, not bothering to spare another glimpse to his soulmates or family. 

He threw himself onto his bed and curled up, burying his face in his pillow and just cried.

He felt so stupid, so selfish, and just worthless. He didn’t understand what was wrong with him, his soulmates, or fucking Oikawa! He was frustrated and he just wanted Kageyama, the one who’d be a comfort even if no one bothered to notice or acknowledge his efforts. He wanted it back, he just wanted Kageyama.

~*~

A few days had gone by since that moment, and things haven’t been better. Yuutarou and Kunimi are trying to help Iwaizumi with Oikawa, who has since not really left his room, just spending his time curled up in bed and doing nothing. 

It worried Yuutarou that Kageyama was going through this as well, but most likely worse, as well as on his own. Kageyama looked terrible the last time he saw him, and he would’ve thought the boy was dead if not for the fact that Kageyama’s mark was still on his chest.

Oikawa’s parents had been mostly not speaking to them, but they still spoke to Oikawa. A part of Yuutarou wanted them to ignore Oikawa, he wanted Oikawa to suffer like they all made Kageyama suffer, but he knew it was just selfish thinking. He was at fault just as much as the other three.

Yuutarou was sitting down in Oikawa’s bed next to him while he curled himself up under blankets. He and Iwaizumi had sent out Kunimi to go get something for them all to eat and drink.

He wrapped his arms around him, listening to Oikawa’s breathing even out as he fell asleep once again, it scared him how Oikawa was acting. Although he overheard Oikawa’s sister talking about letting Oikawa hangout and babysit Takeru for a bit to get him out of the house, which sounded good. 

He sighed and looked over to Iwaizumi who was sitting at the desk by the bed, just staring blankly at Oikawa.

Yuutarou was getting tired of all this silence between them all, they all fucked up, some more than others, but doing nothing and just sitting around wasn’t getting shit done, it didn’t help Kageyama, it didn’t help their families or friends, and it sure as hell wasn’t helping him.

As much as he’d love for Kageyama to forgive them, he didn’t want Kageyama to because Kageyama didn’t deserve that. He deserved to live a life away from them, no matter what they could do to make up for the harm that they caused, but that also didn’t mean they should do nothing.  

He sat upright, coughing roughly to catch Iwaizumi’s attention and sighed, “Do we know if there’s a way to get rid of Hanahaki disease?” He looked down at Iwaizumi from his position, watching the older male sit up straight and bury his face in his hand.

“I don’t know.. we’d probably have to talk to a doctor or some shit about that..” Iwaizumi looked tired and aggravated, looking up at Yuutarou through cracks in his fingers.

Yuutarou laid back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling, being a hand to his chest where Kageyama’s mark laid, its colors dulled despite its already grayscale colors.

Kageyama could’ve had a better life if they weren’t his soulmates.

Yuutarou thought about it, and he couldn’t help but wonder if their bond could be removed.

He turned back to Iwaizumi, “Hey.. is there any way to get bonds like.. removed?” Iwaizumi’s eyes widened and looked over at Yuutarou fearfully.

“Removed? Why would we want to remove a soulbond?!” 

Yuutarou crossed his legs and stared down into his lap, “I mean.. the reason Kageyama even has the disease is because of the bond.. if the bond was removed from both ends.. the flowers.. they could stop growing..”

Iwaizumi dug his fingers into the palm of his hands, looking panicked still, “..But.. I..” He held his breath before speaking again, “..I don’t want to lose Kageyama..”

“But we’re hurting him..”

The room was silent for a while, but they both knew Yuutarou was right. Even if Kageyama could forgive them and they tried to have a relationship with him, it still won’t take away the pain, it won’t take away the harm they’ve caused, and even if they could fix the bond and rejection by mending their relationship, Kageyama shouldn’t have to forgive the people who hurt him just so he won’t die. Kageyama didn’t need to earn his right to live.

That wasn’t fair to him.

Yuutarou did love Kageyama, he still did and he probably would for the rest of his life, and he wants to do what he can to make Kageyama happy because he failed to do so.

Plus, he saw how happy Kageyama was with that number ten, he never even saw Kageyama that happy in the beginning of their first year.

The room’s silence was broken by Oikawa who woke up, his eyes not focused on anything, “..if we broke the bond entirely, it’d affect us too, we wouldn’t get Hanahaki but we’d feel something missing..”

Yuutarou would gladly feel empty for the rest of his life if it meant Kageyama was happy.

~*~

A little over a month has passed, while Oikawa had gotten better and was getting out more, often left with babysitting duties for Takeru, practice hadn’t gotten better.

Yuutarou hated the way they looked at him, or didn’t even look at him at all. He couldn’t be mad though, it was his fault, he couldn’t have really expected everyone to just forget what happened and what was said. The only saving grace is that they didn’t tell anyone, even then, he was more glad they weren’t talking about Kageyama, he knows what the boy’s reputation is, especially due to what he and Kunimi did, and he didn’t want to be causing more problems for Kageyama.

He didn’t bother ever trying to excuse himself when he was eventually asked about the situation, even if it ended with him getting slapped. 

He was more sorry than anything and as much as he wanted to go find Kageyama and talk to him, and tell him how they thought of something that could fix what they broke, he didn’t think Kageyama wanted to face any of them. He also didn't trust himself to not cry and break down at the sight of the boy.

Especially now.

Practice had just ended, there were more mess ups than there were before that day happened, caused by the fact that the others didn’t want to talk to the four of them.

He was walking home, wanting to stay out for as long as he could before he saw his little brother who has gotten into the habit of now crying whenever he sees him. It hurts him to see his little brother like that.

But as he was out, he saw something that made him gasp softly, more someone but still, it was Kageyama.

He hasn’t seen the boy since he was looking half dead but now, he looked better than before. Kageyama was smiling, blush staining his cheeks that still held a small amount of baby fat, his eyes scrunched as he snickered about something. He was standing tall and he looked happy , he looked alive.

Yuutarou nearly tears up at the sight, he had been so worried that Kageyama would be stuck in a hospital bed, but he wasn’t. 

But when he saw what the boy was laughing and smiling about, he didn’t know how to feel. It was that orange head guy, they were standing next to each other, both holding their water bottles in their hands and their other hands occupied with holding each other’s.

When he said he wanted Kageyama to be happy with someone else, he wasn’t lying, but still, that was still the boy he loved, the one he dreamt about every night, hoping he was okay. He couldn’t be mad though, how could he be mad when Kageyama was so happy?

Any doubts in his mind about getting the bond completely removed dissolved at the thought. If this is how happy Kageyama could be for the rest of his life, he’d gladly give up any strings that tied him to Kageyama.

Yuutarou continued to stare as the two were laughing together, although as he was about to continue walking, that orange haired boy saw him and that boy’s own smile dropped.

As he tried to hide himself away in the crowd of people, that guy whispered something to Kageyama, making the blue eyed boy smile and walk off to get something.

Yuutarou cursed under his breath as the number ten began walking towards him, he wanted to hide but he remembers how fast the boy was. Yuutarou was sure if he made a run for it, the boy would catch up in no time.

Before he knew it, there was a truffle of orange hair in front of him, angrily accusing him, “What are you doing?” Yuutarou gulped and took a step back, visibly nervous, especially remembering the stuff the boy had said that day .

“..I was just walking home.. is.. How is Kageyama doing..?” His hands were slightly raised in a defensive state, and the boy must’ve noticed he wasn’t here out of ill intent as he stopped trying to seem threatening.

“He’s doing fine, why?” The boy’s eyes were still sharp though, watching his every move and it freaked him out, even outside of everything, the boy was odd and trailing his every movement.

But if what he saw and thought was correct, would it be a good idea to tell him about what he wanted to do for Kageyama?

He decided against it, they haven’t even told their parents about what they were planning yet, and it seems as if it should be a thing Kageyama should tell the boy.

“He just.. didn’t look the best last time.. but he seems better now, like a lot has changed.” The guy seemed to pick up on what he was saying and he smiled before dropping it once again to go back to glaring.

“Yeah, a lot has..”

The air was awkward around them, the boy had obviously just come over to make sure he wasn’t trying anything and so now, it was just a matter of waiting for Kageyama’s return.

Yuutarou didn’t need anything else though, he wanted to know Kageyama actually was okay and he was. That’s what he wanted.

“..Tell him I’m sorry.. I know it doesn’t mean much but, I never meant for this and I’m sorry..”

He expected the boy to lash out, which he honestly would’ve been okay with, he would too in a similar situation, but he just nodded before turning around to presumably go find and catch up to Kageyama himself.

Yuutarou stood there as people walked around him, even though not much was said, he was still glad to know Kageyama would be in good hands.

That blonde girl who stood her ground to defend Kageyama even when he wasn’t around, that number six who came rushing to help Kageyama, and the boy, who was obviously very jittery but still stood to protect Kageyama no matter what.

He was glad that Kageyama found these people, he deserved it more than anyone.

Yuutarou still wished he could’ve been one of those people for Kageyama.

Chapter Text

After that night when he kissed Hinata, as well as other things that Tobio was choosing not to focus on, he woke up with Hinata tangled over him, gentle hands caressing his wrists. Tobio yawned and stretched his arms, pulling his hands away from Hinata. He turned his body to look at Hinata and the boy was smiling softly at him, messy orange hair laid against the pillow like a halo around his head.

“Hi…” He whispered out gently, causing Hinata to snort and lean forward, and laying a kiss on his cheek and keeping himself closer to Tobio.

“Hi, ‘Yama.. did you sleep well, as well?” Kageyama nodded and leaned his forehead against Hinata’s, basking in the other boy’s comforting presence. 

Hinata laughed again and wrapped his arms around Tobio, burying his face in the other’s neck and sighing softly. Tobio snorted softly and held the boy back, “..thank you.. for last night..”

Tobio was terrified of telling other people that he was hurt in such a way, he’s seen how people act towards those who are victims, as well as the recent things Oikawa has told him, he didn’t want to lose all the people he’d come to know. Especially Hinata. 

He loved Hinata differently than he did his sister and Hitoka, Hinata was special.

Said boy, kept his face buried in the taller one’s neck before softly sighing and responding, “..I should be thanking you for loving me..” A small, hesitant kiss was placed on his jaw before Hinata pulled away, that same smile still there with the exception of the tears now staining Hinata’s eyes.

They both stared into each other’s eyes before leaning forward, connecting their lips gently, reaching down and squeezing their hands together tightly, holding onto each other with a grip tight enough to show the other they’d stay.

The kiss continued as they completely wrapped around one another, more tears fell as they reminisced over the events of the night before, the things said between them in soft sobs. Tobio just wanted to be held for the rest of his life in Hinata’s arms, not having to worry about anything else.

They had to pull away eventually though to catch their breath, Tobio laying his head on Hinata as he breathed deeply. His lips stung softly, being able to kiss with someone he loved.

He trailed his fingers over his lips, feeling the lingering touch of Hinata’s lips, he teared up even more and squeezed onto Hinata tighter, “I love you.. if you ever learn you don’t love me, please tell me.. I want you to be happy.. please stay happy” He was desperate with his request, he didn't think he could forgive him if he hurt Hinata.

Hinata nodded under his chin and cried softly, “..I’ll never stop loving you.. I was supposed to have no one but I have you..” They were both dazed by their own insecurities as they spoke to each other, wanting to plead with the other to stay but to also grow away from them, not to be dependent on the other and make them feel held down.

They wanted the other happy, with or without one another.

They cried to one another, apologies slipping out as they each felt their own guilt, feeling selfish for wanting the other. 

It wasn’t though, how could the love they feel be selfish when it feels so pure?

Tobio felt as if Hinata was right, this was the love he deserved. One without conditions, one that wasn’t built for them and instead they built themselves.

He smiled and leaned towards Hinata, kissing his teary eyes before sitting up, grimacing at the smell of floral-vomit. He pushed away the trash can and grabbed Hinata’s arms, pulling him up and smiling at the older one.

“You’ll always have me as long as you want..” He wiped away any remaining tears on the boy’s face and held his hand as he led him to the kitchen.

“I’ll always want you.”

Tobio pointed his face down, trying to stop the tears that threatened to return. He didn’t want to cry, he was so happy and this was a good moment. He was being touched and loved, in a way he thought he’d never have returned to him. A part of love he never thought he’d be allowed to have again.

He reached the kitchen and as he stood still, Hinata wrapped his arms around his waist, placing a kiss against his neck before burying his face into his back. “..wanna just skip everything today? Just hang out and go do something?” 

Tobio laughed softly, grabbing ingredients from the fridge and cabinets as Hinata continued to cling to him like a koala, “You? Skip practice? I don’t think your skills would allow you to!” He said, his voice still quiet despite its teasing nature.

He nearly dropped the eggs he was holding as he felt a small jab to his side, the face pressed to his back pouting, “I’m doing better, you know! Mister ‘I’m-not-gonna-change-the-quick’! If anything, you’re the lazy one!”

He felt better knowing the boy was no longer mad, he was scared that the moment would come up and they’d fall apart, but he should’ve known better. If he didn’t know any better, he’d assume that Hinata didn’t have a single hating bone in his body.

Tobio turned towards the boy, seeing him looking up at him now with a sly smirk, making him snort and flick the boy’s forehead, freeing himself from the boy’s grip, “Yeah, yet I worked towards changing it anyways, meaning you still have some catching up to do,”

He turned from the boy, smiling as he cracked the eggs into the pan with some butter, before moving to cut up a few vegetables as he waited for the eggs to cook a bit more.

Hinata pushed himself up onto the counter beside him as he cut the vegetables, a fake pout on his lips as he messed with the counter doors, waiting for Tobio to finish the breakfast he was preparing.

“Why so many vegetables! There’s already enough..” He pouted even more and sighed dramatically, leaning his head against the upper cabinets as Tobio ignored him.

He grabbed one of the mushrooms and ate it plain as he looked up at Hinata, “See, this is why you’re so short. You didn’t eat enough veggies growing up, dumbass.”

Hinata gasped dramatically and slipped to the ground, “Wow, I expected the betrayal from the others, but you?” He fell onto the floor completely and laid out, “I thought we were friends” He whined childishly.

Tobio kicked at the shorter boy, moving to also slide the vegetables into the eggs, swirling them into the mixture, “Just friends?” His voice teased, “So I’m assuming us practically making out on my bed meant friendship?” He threw a tomato piece down onto the orange-haired boy’s face, turning back to his eggs as Hinata groaned in betrayal.

He laughed softly and finished the food, moving it onto plates for the two of them, kicking Hinata softly as he walked to the dining room, “Get off the floor and eat, I haven’t cleaned it in two days!”

Hinata popped up and followed to the dining table, sitting in the chair across from Tobio and gladly picked up his chopsticks, shoveling food into his face. “thwnk ‘ou!” He mumbled out through the food, making Tobio smile down into his plate. He ate his food while he listened to Hinata’s mumbled words, scrambled up to the point it barely forms a sentence, but it was the orange-haired boy’s voice.

“So what do you wanna do on our day off! I was thinking we could go on a run, then probably play some volleyball!” Hinata said, cheesing from ear to ear, he pushed away his now empty plate and leaned over the table, shoving his face into the taller boy’s.

Tobio smirked at the boy, pushing his hand up and grabbing the boy’s face and shoving him away, “What’s the point of skipping it we’re just gonna practice anyways?” 

“Come on! It’ll be fun, we can go get drinks afterwards!” Hinata pressed his hands together and poured his lips, “Please? I’ll pay?”

~*~

Tobio tried his best to hide his smile as he and Hinata walked around. They had spent the whole day just eating, watching movies, and playing volleyball. He was surprised they didn’t get caught skipping especially judging by the amount of text messages they both were getting, he was glad they both decided to just push away their phones and hang out with one another.

They were walking around town, it being quite busy, he was glad Hinata decided to do this. They had training camp soon and it was decided that a few more schools would be joining as of special reasoning, although he didn’t listen long enough to get said reasoning.

But it was nice to just do this before he’d be made to be around a bunch of people again.

His hand was intertwined with the shorter boy’s rougher hand, the two of them standing as close as possible. Tobio felt as if those days without Hinata were hell and this was the blessing he was looking for.

Just the two of them, just talking, enjoying each other. It was everything he always wanted from a soulmate. And while Hinata may not bare a mark, he knew that Hinata was still his soulmate, because how could a love built on love alone be anything else?

He took a sip from his water bottle as he laughed softly as Hinata spoke.

“Those kids sound like assholes, Hinata..” Said boy pushed back at him lightly, laughing as well.

“I know, right! Like what did they know! And if anything, they sounded like robots repeating everything said!” Tobio smiled and squeezed the other boy’s hand tighter, wanting to enjoy this before Hinata had to go back home after already spending the night at his house.

He just stared at Hinata, his soft features and bright eyes, the dusted red on his cheeks and hair that curled against his forehead. The grip from his hand, firm and protective, standing up straight and strong, it all made Tobio’s heart skip a beat.

Though, the soft smile on the older boy’s face turned into a scowl as he looked at something off in the distance. He felt confused by the sudden change as well as the tightening around his hand, he snapped his eyes over to catch a glimpse of what Hinata was looking at and nearly jumped as he saw Kindaichi.

He was about to say something when the shorter boy turned to him and smiled once again, although it was very clearly strained, “Kages? Do you think you could run ahead and save us a spot in line at the cafe? I need to go run to the restroom really quick!”

Tobio was about to just say no and drag Hinata away with him, knowing the boy was lying and he didn't want Kindaichi to get hurt from whatever Hinata was gonna do. But he trusted Hinata to not do anything rash, so he nodded.

“Okay, just be quick!”

“I promise!” Hinata kissed his cheek and Tobio jogged off to get in line at the cafe they had decided on earlier. 

He hoped nothing happened to Kindaichi, and he hated himself for that feeling, he wanted to be mad and hateful, but every time he thought about Kindaichi he just felt sad.

He had felt like that for Kunimi until he found out what he knew, but Kindaichi?

Sure, he was a complete dick and nearly got him killed but.. but did they even know that would happen? Most people didn’t learn until high school. Hell, he ‘learned’  about the consequences of rejecting a soulmate in his first science class during the first week of the school year.

It’s unseeable why, it hurt like hell and was terrifying, but still.. It didn't take away from the fact that Kindaichi hurt him on purpose even if Kindaichi didn’t mean it to be that bad.

Kindaichi scared him so much now, but he couldn’t stand the thought of being the reason for Kindaichi’s pain again, because he still regretted what he did to hurt his old teammates, even if all of them hurt him first. He hopes he didn’t ruin any of their aspirations for volleyball. 

Well, he regretted hurting most of them.

The rest of the thought was cut off as Hinata came running up to him, a lopsided smile on his face as he completely wrapped himself around Tobio. He felt a kiss on his chin and flushed, squeezing Hinata back, not caring for being in public.

“Hey, Hinata.. you were quicker than I expected?”

“Yeah.. it wasn’t as big of an emergency as I thought..” Tobio hummed softly and buried his face in those orange curls, letting his eyes droop.

“..ready for the training camp..? ..been awhile since I’ve been on one..” He mumbled down into Hinata’s hair, feeling his bones go slack as they moved forward in line, trying not to fall asleep.

“Yeah! I’ve never been on one and.. I’m excited to practice more with you..” Hinata turned his head up and kissed Tobio’s nose before turning to look up at the boy, “I also wanna see who else is joining!” His eyes brightened fiercely as he smirked softly. 

The taller one laughed softly and pushed him and Hinata further into line, “First, we gotta get there, so make sure you get enough sleep because I’m not gonna wake you again, dumbass!”

Hinata laughed loudly and kissed him on his cheek.

It was sweet to the two of them, although maybe not too much to the people standing behind them.

~*~

Tobio and Hinata were cuddled up together on the bus together, relaxed in one another’s hold as they rested, both still tired from having to get up so early, having spent the entire night awake with one another just talking.

Their teammates were happy to see the pair doing better and talking to one another, Hitoka especially, she was terrified of what would happen to Tobio if he and Hinata continued to stay distanced from one another.

Tobio felt so happy though, this was all he wanted, not just a best friend, not just a group of people who supported him, and not just a boyfriend, he needed all of it, he needed a family after he lost the only family he had.

It felt like a dream, and the only sign that it wasn’t was the choking feeling he still got, but it was going to be okay, and that’s all that mattered.

“Kageyama?”

Tobio turned and looked down at where Hinata was resting on his shoulder, his eyes half open, “hm? Need something?” Hinata just smiled up at him and leaned forward, kissing his cheek.

“No.. just happy you’re smiling…”

In one more hour they’d arrive at training camp, and even knowing he’d see Aoba Johsai didn’t falter his mood.

Chapter Text

Tobio got off the bus along with everyone else, their team seeing Nekoma’s when they first arrived. While the other happily embraced the others, greeting one another, he stood off to the side and decided to help pull bags off the bus. 

Despite what he knew was going to come, he didn’t want to allow it to hinder his mood, he refused to let his life be controlled by them anymore. Tobio did not want to believe that he is what they had said he was, because he knew he was not a monster, or a selfish soulmate, or anything of the sort. 

He picked up a few bags and handed them off to his teammates, smiling softly back, something they were glad to see after the long period of the aftermath of Tobio and Hinata’s fight. After helping, he moved over to where Hinata was talking with Kozume-san.

Kozume-san looked up at him, slightly startled before nodding off to Hinata and running  off to his own team. Hinata turned around and smiled at him gently, he glanced off behind Tobio before leaning up and kissing the corner off his mouth and grabbing his hand. “Hey, Kageyama! Aren’t you excited!? We need to win at least one this time! Especially since there are other teams here this time!” 

Hinata’s smile was contagious, bright enough to melt  away any doubts in his mind, Tobio still was not able to understand why someone like him would be interested in someone as cruel as him. He wasn’t gonna complain though, he’d selfishly take anything Hinata gave to him with joy, soaking in the shorter boy’s warmth. 

He gave his own smile, ignoring the world around him and the sounds of buses arriving and their doors opening, wanting to be within Hinata’s embrace for the rest of his life until he withered away. He responded with a gentle voice that he hasn’t remembered possessing for anyone else besides from his family, “Yeah, I believe that you can catch up?” 

Tobio turned around with a sly smirk on his face as he grabbed their bags, enjoying the offended gasp he heard from the other boy. He jumped at  the sudden weight on his back as Hinata jumped onto him, pulling playfully at his hair as he yelled into his ear, “Shut it! You’re gonna lose it when you see me hit those new sets of yours!” 

He barked out  a laugh at the accusation, shoving the boy off of himself and handing off Hinata’s bag to him and grabbed his wrist to force the other to follow him to the room they’d be staying in.

“Oh please! Don’t get cocky with me or you ain’t getting any sets!”

Hinata pouted before smirking, leaning close to Tobio’s face and whispering softly, “I can get really cocky with you if you try that-” Tobio shoved his hand into Hinata’s face, feeling the boy laugh against his palm as he flushed violently and looked around to make sure no one heard.

“Seriously! Together for barely three days and you’re already-!” He faced down with his cheeks blushing a deep red as he tried to hide within himself for embarrassment, “..keep it in your pants for at least the six month anniversary..” 

“Only six months?” Hinata teased, leaning against  the taller boy as they reached the area they’d be staying, a smile on his face as he flung his bag onto the ground. Tobio ignored the shorter boy  despite the small smile still on his face  as he grabbed his practice clothes out of his bag.

“You’d be surprised, Sho..”

~*~

After every team was set up in their room, they all went down to the gym. Tobio stood next to Hinata with the rest of their team, though Tobio couldn’t lie, he felt terrified. His hands trembled as he fumbled with his fingers, trying to cope with the growing anxiety. He thought he could deal with this but he just couldn’t, it was all too much.

Staring at the faces that shook him to his very core, Kunimi refused to even meet his eyes as Tobio tried to come up with something to get him out of this.

He knew he shouldn’t be letting them control him, that he couldn’t let their actions ruin the things he loved most, but it was all too much. 

They were just looking at him and it was too much. He couldn’t have another match with them, not after last time. He couldn’t take the cruel words, the embarrassment, the feeling of dying from the inside and he couldn’t even escape.

‘You can’t face the truth-!’

A small voice whispered within him, the part of him that still believe he was the worst person, that he was cruel and deserved to suffocate-

Tobio gasped quietly as he felt Hinata grip his hand, he looked down slightly at the other boy and saw a nervous look on his face as well. He looked down at him with a dazed look, trying to keep away the tears that wanted to drip down his face.

“It’ll be okay, Kageyama. I promise” Hinata’s eyes were so sincere and honest, how could he not believe him?

The hand around his own tightened, providing a strong force for him to lean back on. Tobio sniffled back up his tears and he felt Hinata bring a hand up to his face, grabbing it gently and bringing him down into a soft kiss. Tobio couldn’t help but smile against the other boy’s lips, not noticing the smirk that laid on them.

Tobio pulled away far too fast for Hinata’s taste, but he was still somewhat conscious of the other teams in the gym. Though, Hinata was still pleased as he got to enjoy a few certain Aoba Johsai players’ reactions.

Finally, after a few more minutes, the coaches came in and discussed the plan for the training camp. 

Tobio didn’t care much for who they were against, as long as it wasn’t Aoba Johsai. Luckily for him, they weren’t their first match.

The entirety of Karasuno went to their places, whether it was on the court or by the bench. Tobio was given the ball for the first serve.

He spinned the ball in his hand before throwing it up in the air, running a bit and jumping, hitting the ball.

He landed and watched as the ball flew to the other side of the court, hitting the ground before it could be revived.

Tobio let out a soft sigh of relief. He didn’t care if this was the only point they made this game, or if they won in any at all.

He just wanted this to himself, volleyball was his space, and he wasn’t going to let it be tainted by some guys who couldn’t care less about him three years ago.

~*~

It was the next day, Tobio knew they’d lose quite a bit but he hadn’t  thought they would lose THAT much. Plus, while he was glad he didn’t have any matches with them , it was still odd that they had zero matches with the other team.

He knew it was probably just Ukai saying something to the other coaches but still . Tobio only hoped that when Ukai diidn;t say why, he didn’t want everyone to know of his business..

He moved out of the bathroom, his face now cleaned and he felt ready for more practices. He wanted to see Hinata as well before they started doing some matches, wanting to spend time with his boyfriend .

It was so surreal and he felt his face flush embarrassingly at the thought and both he could turn the corner, still in a good mood, he felt a stab in his neck. Before he could cough, he threw a hand over his mouth and turned to hide behind the corner. He felt himself gag as a rise of flowers bile attacked him, with it came tearful eyes as he heard the footsteps he missed in his daze come to a stop.

Why couldn’t their team just not come? Why did more teams have to join? What was even the purpose of it!

“Hello?”

“Hey, whoever, are you good?”

Kunimi’s questioning voice and Kindaichi’s concerned one nearly made Tobio collapse to his knees. The pain was so much worse than before! He was able to do whole matches against them without him being this affected, yet now he felt  like he’d die if he even turned the corner to glance at them.

Despite the pain, he pushed on his feet and ran back to where he came from, grabbing the door handle to the bathroom and running into a stall. He doubled over as he vomited into the toilet, feeling reminiscent of a similar situation.

He coughed weakly, trying to get out any remaining buts when he nearly sobbed as the door creaked open, only a single pair of footsteps moving in.

Tobio teared up as he already knew who it was.

Kunimi had promised to at  least somewhat keep his distance, Kindaichi hasn’t said anything.

“..Kageyama? I know it is you in there.. I can smell the flowers..”

If you know, then why can’t you just leave me alone and go away!

He sobbed within his mind, trying to keep himself steady within reality as he felt more and more rise to his throat, the pressure on his lungs pressing down and making his tears stronger than his resistance.

“Please can I talk to you..”

Kindaichi was someone that Tobio just wanted to be friends with at most points.

Kindaichi was always so kind and caring, loud but not brash, stubborn but never cruel. Kindaichi had always been someone to try and help others and yet he excluded one of his soulmates.

It had been what crushed him the most about Kindaichi. Knowing that the boy strived to help people yet he wasn’t able to help Tobio when he needed the taller boy the most.

“I don’t want anything from you! Just a few minutes to speak!”

The voice was desperate as from the other side of the stall, Tobio felt the bile push past his hands and closed mouth, falling into the toilet as he still tried to be quiet, wanting Hinata and Hitoka to come and rush in. To yell the two bad men away and tell him that he’s okay..

For Hitoka to gently wipe his mouth and clean his dirtied face and tell him how she is proud of him for not running back to those meanies. Tobio wanted Hinata to whisper sweet nothings into his ears and tell him again of all the things he loved. How even if he is dirty, oh so dirty and yuckyyuckyyucky on the public restroom ground, from the rapists- bullies that Hinata still wants him and wants to make sure he is okay and happy.

“Tobi- Kageyama! Just say something so I know I don’t need to go get a coach!-”

He didn’t want their meanie middle school coach to come in! The man just watched as people were so cruel to him! 

The mean man didn’t even make the mean words go away when Tobio pulled him aside with weak tears in his eyes as he explained how his Ojii-san and Nii-chan left him all alone in their house with no mama or papa to keep the mean y ucky dirty people away-

Tobio wasn’t able to stop himself as he vomited into the toilet, sobbing in pain as he felt so confused and worried.

He was still there .

He was everywhere .

He wasn’t going to escape the pain of any of them.

He sobbed hard, “-just GO..!”

Tobio could hear Kindaichi’s sudden gasp before the boy turned in his feet and ran out the room, leaving to wherever.

Tobio could actively feel the pain decreasing but the feeling of everything was still present.

Why did it all hurt so much now? He was doing better .

He was better and it’s all gone.

And with everything happening, he knew it was his fault once again.

~*~

After a few minutes of him just curled up on the ground, trying to comfort himself and ground himself on where he was, he heard the sound of someone slamming the door open and he nearly cried in fear but held it in.

“Kageyama?!” “Tobio?!”

Two voices in union yelled out and Tobio felt his heart relax as he recognized the caring voices.

“Hitoka..? Sugawara-senpai?”

Tobio stood up off the gross ground and unlocked the door, peeking out to see the concerned faces of his best friend and senpai.

Hitoka rushed forward and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back gently before pulling back to grab one of her tissues and wipe away the petals on his face.

“Oh, Tobio… I was so worried!”

Her voice was filled with guilt and regret as Sugawara moved forward to gently help her lead Tobio out of the restroom. The hallways were completely void and Tobio’s heart sank as he remembered the practices that were supposed to be happening.

Although it seemed Hitoka noticed his emotions and gently patted his hand, “It’s okay, Tobi.. the team is still getting their practice, we decided to come looking for you!”

Her sweet smile made Tobio feel guilty for not immediately thinking of her when he was scared.

She continued, “It’s my fault really.. I hadn’t.. been paying attention until I felt a burn and I saw that you were feeling terrified!”

She wore a guilty face as Tobio felt himself being laid down on a futon, one that was definitely not his own.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner.. I-“

She sniffled softly and buried her face in Tobio’s chest, “I asked Suga-san for help finding you since I couldn’t.. even then we only found you because we saw them running from the area you were in..!”

While Sugawara’s hand gently combed through Tobio’s hair, he tried to understand why Hitoka would be feeling bad..

It wasn’t her fault that she was busy with something that wasn’t him.

If anything, he’s glad! They both used to be so worried about what the other’s would be feeling that they had trouble paying attention to other things, although now they’re able to.

Tobio hummed softly in response, feeling so tired, wanting to just lay down and rest in his bed. 

“..hey, Kageyama.. stay awake…”

no.. it was time to rest, Tobio was too tired to play.. Sugawara could though..

He was a good setter, Tobio liked him a lot..

He wanted to sleep and pretend that everything was okay..

That it wasn’t getting worse again, and that he couldn’t feel the familiar sting in his lungs.

He was so tired of this all..

~*~

Tobio woke up to a dark room, he tried to take in a deep breath but only ended up choking on his own breath. He looked around, trying to see if anyone was there with him and he jumped up when he heard sounds outside the window.

He remembered where he was, sitting in Hitoka’s futon even as he had come to this camp to improve his skills yet he just wasted the whole day away! 

Tobio felt embarrassed at how he had acted. It was pathetic! Behaving as nothing more than a child with no will of his own as he let himself be lifted away to a slumber.

He walked towards the window on weak feet and sniffled softly, letting out small coughs as if he had the flu. He looked out the curtain and saw his team doing what seemed like another run up the hill. He huffed out a small laugh at the sight, he still felt bad for missing so much.

It was unfair to his teammates who were always working so hard and he was just.. ..here, doing nothing.

Tobio took a shaky breath and turned around, walking towards the door to go find someone.

The hallways were lit by a bright light that hurt his eyes. They were so quiet, filling his ears with the sound of his own voice as he tried to wrap his mind around the reason why everything was getting so much worse. 

He was doing better..!

The flowers haven’t been as big of a threat as they used to be, he was happy with where he was in life and everything was okay and now  it was all ruined again!

Tobio didn’t understand why they wouldn’t just leave him alone.

He felt tears fill his eyes as quickened his speed, just wanting someone. He was so scared all by himself. He was barely paying attention to where he was going.

Even if he was, he knew nothing about this place. He was all by himself in an unknown area when all he wanted was someone to take care of him.  He could barely see anything through the tears forming before he felt himself collapse against another body.

Tobio stumbled back and held nose from where he collided with the other boy’s face, looking up, he felt himself flush in utter embarrassment as he saw who it was.

“Oh, Kageyama-san.. it’s nice to see you’re feeling better, your team said you were unwell..” Akaashi was so pretty and cool.. Tobio didn’t want this to be the other boy’s first impression of him! 

Tobio felt so much better just by seeing the other boy, he loved watching him play so much! Tobio wondered what things he did to help with volleyball!

He could also see that Akaashi also took good care of his nails and it made Tobio’s heart swell with pride because he does something similar to the cool boy!

“You’re feeling better, right?”

Akaashi’s soft eyes looked at him with gentle concern and he brought a hand up to Tobio’s forehead and gently felt to see if he had a fever. 

The boy pulled his hand back with a slight pout in his face, as if confused, “You’re burning up really bad, you sure you don’t want to head back to your team’s room?”

Tobio just sniffled and nodded, letting himself be led back to his room by Akaashi, letting out small winces every now and then sure to the pain in his lungs.

While he was happy that the person he looked up to was being so nice to him, he couldn’t tell if the older boy knew what was actually going on or if he just thought that Tobio was sick.

Because of how dazed he was, he wasn’t able to convince himself that it probably wasn’t a good idea to ask.

Akaashi opened the door to Karasuno's room and led him to just the closest futon when Tobio spoke up softly for the first time, “..did you all hear what they did..?”

Akaashi gave him a confused look and helped him lay down, gently tucking the younger boy in and spoke, “What they did? What do you mean? Who are ‘they’?” 

Tobio pouted slightly and tried to snuggle against the pillow more, “..you know, my meanie ex-soulmates..” He grumbled softly at the thought of them and the fact that they had to be mentioned again! Such meanies they were, bothering his mind when he was trying to talk to the cool setter.

He was so dazed that he didn’t notice that terrified look on the older boy’s face.

“.. ex- soulmates..?”

“yeah.. they’re mean..”

Tobio grumbled and tried to curl up further into the blanket despite being tucked in so tightly by Akaashi already.

“…”

“I bet they are mean..”

Akaashi stood up and looked down at Tobio, making him whine quietly to himself, he didn’t want the pretty boy to leave! He’ll be all alone again..

“Please don’t go..” Tobio spoke loudly, despite the spreading pain making his voice crack. He wanted someone to stay beside him..

Akaashi looked conflicted before sighing and squatting down to talk to Tobio, “I’m just going to tell your team you woke up but you’re still incredibly warm..”

Tobio hummed softly and nodded, he hoped one of his teammates would come then, he was so lonely without them.

“..okay.. thank you, senpai..”

Akaashi smiled softly and walked towards the door, “No need for that, just call me Akaashi like everyone else..”

With that, the door closed and Tobio was once again alone in the dark with only the haunting of his soulmates as company.

He was scared of them more than anything.

Especially Oikawa.

He felt stupid for never noticing how the older boy would tower over him and hurt him again and again.

Tobio tossed and turned at the thought of them, unable to fall back asleep.

Twenty minutes passed before he felt somewhat able to sleep. It was suddenly so warm, a steady weight laying against him. 

It wasn’t so dark anymore, it was bright, soft, it was better..

“..good night, Shoyo…”

Chapter Text

Tobio fumbled in the warm arms around him as he woke up again. This time, the room was bright with the sun shining in. He smiled softly and sat up, a limp arm laying on his lap now as it slid down.

He looked down with a soft smile when he saw Hinata, leaning down and giving him a soft kiss on the forehead. Tobio felt so loosened, like he could just slip and melt into any small touch. 

He chuckled to himself and laid back down with Hinata, keeping his breath low as he just started at the other.

Tobio was enjoying himself and just watching the other boy before he felt something rise to his throat. He whined in annoyance and turned away from the other boy before coughing harshly into his arm.

He felt something stuck and it was hurting so much! Tobio hated this feeling so much.

Why did this keep happening to him? It was always a moment of peace before he was forced to be in pain again!

Tobio couldn’t understand what he did so wrong to deserve this.

Maybe he really was that bad- 

But no..! Tobio knew he wasn’t, Hitoka said he wasn’t and his friends did too!

They were the bad ones! They hurt him and would call him names and leave him all alone.. Oikawa would be so mean and dig his nails into his small arms, no matter how much he told the older boy that it hurt! 

And- And Kunimi probably just thought he was looking for an excuse to not be with them..! Why else would he watch them people hurt him?

Something trickled down his chin, sounds of movement were all around him and they were closing in- they were going to hurt him! They were all going to much worse before because he lied..! He isn’t getting better, Tobio is still just a bad, bad person-

“Kageyama? Do you need some water-“

A gentle hand slid to his arm but no matter how gentle it was, the hand was still touching him and..!

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Tobio violently shifted his body and slapped the hand away roughly, feeling tears sting his eyes as he just coughed hard. It was worse now that there was no warm arm loosely around him.

He kept trying not to cry again but he couldn’t help it.

Tobio whimpered softly as his coughs came to an end with just the feeling of dried blood on his chin left. But then a figure appeared in front of him, gently cradling his face and wiping away the sticky mess.

He hummed softly and leaned into the hand, humming softly as all the gunk was wiped away.

Tobio began to fully wake up, recognizing the situation and flushing in embarrassment and shame. He pulled away from Ennoshita-san’s hands and looked back at Hinata who wore a disturbed expression. 

“I- I’m sorry, Hinata.. I didn’t mean it..” He felt disgusted at himself for what he said. For how he’s acted.

This all wasn’t fair to his team, he knew they didn’t understand the situation fully yet he kept making it worse for them. Acting outlandish and skipping out on practice that they were lucky to even go to! He was being so selfish.

But despite how awful he was acting towards the people who helped him, Hinata just smiled at him as if he deserved it, gently saying, “It’s okay! Besides, it's a new day! And you have a lot of catching up to do!” 

Hinata’s smile was so bright and warm, and it was directed towards him!

Tobio smiled back and stood up, “Yeah, let’s get ready” 

Hinata giggled and stood up as well, everyone else in the room going back to their own business as they realized that Tobio was okay.

After they were all done changing, Tobio exited the room with the rest of the team. Hinata was talking to him, telling him everything that happened while he was absent.

Unsurprisingly, it was mostly their team losing,, but they were getting closer to actually beating a few of their other teams! Even if it was only by a few points.

Tobio was nervous to go back though, because from the sounds of it, Karasuno had a few matches with Aoba Johsai while he was gone. And while a few hours ago, he would’ve hoped for no more matches with them, he knew he had to keep reminding himself that they didn’t control his life and he shouldn’t let them dictate it. Besides, he wanted to go against some of the other members, they were good players and they shouldn’t be deprived of practice with Karasuno just because four of the members were assholes.

He went to the cafeteria where the other teams were already there, eating their breakfast. He was led to Karasuno’s table where Hitoka and Shimizu-san were already waiting, Hitoka flushed in the older girl’s presence like usual.

Tobio was sitting in between Ennoshita-san and Hinata, and he had a clear view of the other team’s tables from where he sat. Everyone at the table was very talkative, going over both volleyball strategies and just regular nonsense. 

Ennoshita-san was talking to him about his own family, which oddly made Tobio happy, not too long ago he’d be filled with envy and sadness, but instead it prompted him to talk about his own family.

“I have an older sister, Miwa, she’s off at college right now,” Tobio said with pride in his face as he spoke of her.

Ennoshita smiled and asked, “That’s cool, do you know what she is doing?” Tobio nodded and had a small smile on his face.

“Yeah, she is good with all the hair and makeup stuff.”

He was enjoying just talking with Ennoshita, not worrying about much and just enjoying himself. So he knew it was his own mistake and looked up, catching Kindaichi staring dead at him.

Tobio gulped and looked away and it was a good decision as he saw Akaashi-san whispering with Bokuto. Akaashi-san was just as nice and amazing as he thought he’d be. He’d been so embarrassed and Akaashi just.. helped him.

He would have to repay the older boy later.

But just as he had noticed the staring from Kindaichi, so had Ennoshita and Hinata eventually, both of them clearly sizing up, but it just looked a bit ridiculous when Hinata did it.

It made Tobio snicker to himself, especially as he felt Hinata’s hand wrap around his own and push closer to him. 

“I’m fine, dumbass.. you don’t need to keep me safe, we’re gonna stand strong both separately and together, remember?”

Hinata looked up at him with a smile, “I know, just gotta assert dominance!” Hinata threw his hand up in the air and it made Tobio roll his eyes, leaning over and whispering, “You’ve been hanging out with Nishinoya and Tanaka too much..”

He looked over to Hitoka who was holding back a laugh while watching Hinata cling to his arm like a toddler.

The laughter from around the table, Hinata ‘keeping him safe’, Hitoka smiling so brightly, it made him feel better. Tobio knew he just had to keep reminding himself that this is his life, he could choose to push forward, he could keep himself strong.

It’ll all be okay.

~*~

All the teams moved back to the gym, ready to get back to practice. Although, Tobio could feel multiple eyes trailing after him. 

But that didn’t matter right now! What mattered was volleyball and making sure they made it to nationals! And he was slacking all day yesterday so he needed to definitely get more practice in.

The first match for Karasuno was against Fukurodani, Tobio was put onto the court with a few others and they got started.

Although as the match was going on, Karasuno losing the first set and moving onto the second one, Tobio and the other players couldn’t help but notice that two certain players seemed to be distracted.

His team huddled together and spoke in soft whispers. They tried to think of why the other team seemed to be going easy on them. They couldn’t get better like this!

“Do you think they feel bad that we keep losing?”

“No way! They can’t be that stupid to think we’d want a pity win!”

“That couldn’t be it, because clearly we’re still losing..”

As they all mumbled over the possibilities, Tobio did think they could be feeling pity towards them, more specifically him. He lifted his head part way out of the huddle and looked over to Fukurodani. They seemed to be having a similar conversation with the two boys before Bokuto covered his mouth and whispered to one of them. Tobio practically winced as the boy’s eyes widened and shot over to him, catching just a glance of him before Tobio stuck his head back in with the rest of the team.

Tobio couldn’t tell if he minded people knowing or not. It wasn’t like he did anything wrong, he didn’t have anything to feel embarrassed about. If anything, it was embarrassing to have such people as soulmates instead of someone nice..like Hinata.

Although at the same time, that was his business, it didn’t help that his entire team found out when he had only wanted a few selective people to know! He especially didn’t want people to pity him and purposefully put little effort into a game. That was basically an insult to him, as if calling him weak!

He pouted and glanced back up to see the entirety of Fukurodani whispering amongst one another before looking at his team. It wasn’t fair to them that he was holding them all back.

As they continued to contemplate over Fukurodani’s lack of effort, Tobio finally added on his idea, “I don’t think they’re pitying you guys, I think they’re pitying me.”

They all turned and looked at him while Tobio continued, “Akaashi-san knows about it, and I’m pretty sure he told Bokuto-san. From the looks of it, he told the rest of the,” Tobio prompted by turning his head and staring at Fukurodani as they mumbled amongst themselves.

Multiple of them grimaced and Asahi spoke up, “Do you want to sit out for a bit so they can start going back to normal?”

Once again, eyes were on him and Tobio was honestly offended.

Sit out? Just because some big powerhouse team was worried about hurting him? Screw that! He couldn’t care if he had a broken leg, he’d still play no matter what! 

“No, we can’t show them we’ll back down, even if they’re giving us an advantage,” Daichi-san replied, his eyes stern as he looked at Tobio and gave him a firm nod.

The others agreed, nodding their heads along as Sugawara added, “I agree, if they want to be portentous assholes, then we’ll give them a reason to give it their all!”

That was enough to get the rest of the team hyped up again, and it seemed that everyone was ready to get back into the game, even if the other team wasn’t giving a hundred percent.

Although, just as expected, the entirety of the other team was now trying less and less, especially with any hits aimed towards Tobio and he was beginning to get restless.

His sets towards Hinata kept falling, which was something he could tolerate if it was for the insulting behavior from Fukurodani! They thought he was some weak child who couldn’t take their full effort!

He hated this kind of behavior and always has. He always gives his full effort no matter what! It wasn’t fair that they weren’t just because of.. of them..!

Tobio grinded his teeth together as yet another lazy attempt at a spike came from the other team that was easily received.

After the final set ended with Karasuno still losing, he was almost happy to lose. He doesn’t want to win through their pity because he knows that he deserves better than that, his team deserves better than to be held back from improving.

As they all went outside to do their run up and down the hill, Tobio could only feel angry. It just wasn’t fair. He worked so hard and it feels like no one ever cares how much he does.

He feels tears about to prick his eyes but he forces them away. He needed to stop being such a baby if he didn’t want to be treated like one.

Tobio was practically pouting as he made his way down the hill, that was until Hinata came up alongside him. “Are you sure you’re okay, ‘Yama?” The shorter looked up at him with concern, “No one will be mad if you can’t do this, we can always get practice elsewhere after the camp!” 

Hinata was obviously just worried about him, understandably so, but Tobio wanted this even if it was difficult. He’s glad the boy asked though.

“It’s fine. I came here to play volleyball and that is what I’m gonna do.” He said pointblank. He just wants to play volleyball.

Once back at the bottom of the hill, Tobio grabs the back of Hinata’s shirt and rags him over to the gym doors, peeking into the practice match happening. He only feels a little unsettled when he sees that it’s Nekoma against Aoba Johsai.

He quickly got over it as he resorted to just admiring the different plays from the members. He did enjoy watching Kozume-san play, as well as a few of the Aoba Johsai players.

Tobio’s shoulders relaxed as he gently leaned against the door to watch the match, Nekoma was a very good team but Aoba Johsai still had plenty of good members, he would know.

Watching the ball go back and forth between the two teams was so satisfying.

He was always mesmerized by their plays. They were mesmerizing in middle school and they still are.

Sometimes he wishes they could’ve just been friends with him instead of completely pushing him out. He really did care about them at one point.

“That stupid Oikawa! I hope Nekoma kicks his ass!”

Tobio snapped out of his days as he felt Hinata slam into his side affectionately. 

“What are you talking about,” Hinata was practically vibrating at his side, clinging to his waist and looking around like a maniac with a ‘stern’ look on his face.

“Keeping you safe, obviously!” Hinata said as if it was obvious and dragged him away from the gym doors, leaving the match behind. 

Yamaguchi and Hitoka were talking with one another when Hinata and himself barged in, Hinata opening his big stupid mouth. “Guys! Guys! Okay, I’ve got a great idea on how to make sure we don’t have to go against the idiot team!”

Tobio cringed to himself, but he did fluster under the appreciation and love from the shorter boy, unlucky for him though, Hitoka was acting just as stupid as Hinata.

Hinata let go of him for a split second to turn to Hitoka, although he let a hand remain on Tobio’s waist. He turned to look at Yamaguchi for assistance, but the boy just snickered, making him grumble.

Although Hinata and Hitoka were being an embrassment and ridiculous, it was nice to see them both so happy, especially Hitoka, she needed it. He hoped the two of them stayed good friends even when he is eventually gone.

~*~

They all knew the match would eventually come. Karasuno against Aoba Johsai. Tobio was being bombarded with questions of worry by Hitoka as she was panicking more than him.

The match was set to start anytime soon and Hitoka kept trying to find a way to get him out of it, but Tobio didn’t want her to worry.

Even as she tried to push him away from the team, worrying caused her voice to shake, “I just- I don’t want what happened last time to happen again.. Especially since there are so many people here this time! What if the flowers start acting up during the match and..!’

Hitoka sniffled and wiped at her nose, she was trying to keep her voice quiet but it was getting louder with each word. Tobio hated seeing her so scared, she didn’t deserve this.

“Hitoka.. I can’t just not play, it’s the entire reason I came here. I can’t let them just take over my every move.. I have said this before.” Tobio didn’t want to spend his entire life being scared that he'd be hurt by them. That wasn’t fair to him or anyone else.

“If I keep letting their presence dictate where I am allowed to be, I’ll eventually not be allowed anywhere..”

“I can’t spend the rest of my life thinking I don’t belong because they said I didn’t belong with them.”

Hitoka takes in his words, but she still seems so scared, “I know but.. They could still hurt you..”

Tobio knew that and he was scared that they were going to do something to him, but.. It just wasn’t fair..

Tobio pushed himself forward and took his place on the court, feeling as though he was being weighed down. He feels foolish for how he feels, he has done this before, he has faced them before, the way he is acting is just utter foolishness.

He looks up, watching as it is decided for Aoba Johsai to set first. His eyes lock with those across the court, Kindaichi in the front and having a perfect view of where Tobio was. 

Tobio clenched his fists at the side of his legs, trying to keep himself stable and paying attention to the game rather than the unruly sight of his soulmate. They didn’t matter anymore, and he shouldn't spend time wasting his energy on them. They all needed to move on, but it just felt like they wouldn't let him go, as if there was something still tying him to them despite their bond having been torn to pieces beyond repair.

The ball began to fly around the court, going from side to side as each team tried to win. The atmosphere inside on the court was tense as each team felt the presence of the five soulmates’ regret and frustration.

As points began to flow with the other team, Tobio became more frustrated. He could barely stand to look at his own hands as he pushed himself a ridiculous amount, feeling as though the match was more than just practice.

He felt tears of frustration begin to form as hurt another ball fell on their side, the whistle blowing making his ears ring as the room began to spin.

Tobio clenched his fists and suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. He could barely register who it was before he turned around and smacked it away, growling out a response, “Get the hell away from me!”

He looked back around and saw Sugawara’s confused and worried face, in the boy’s hand was a board with his number on it. 

Tobio froze up before grabbing the board and walking to the bench and practically throwing himself onto it. He ignored his teammates as they tried to comfort him.

He couldn’t believe himself! He shouldn’t be acting like..this! It was foolish and unnecessary, he had no reason to be acting like how he did..then.

Tobio sighed, pressed his hands against his temple and took a deep breath, reminding himself that this..this was just a practice game.. He shouldn’t be getting so worked up. 

This wasn’t the defining factor of him and who he was. He wasn’t a bad person for not being in his best condition. He isn’t in the wrong for being upset at his soulmates, he had every right to not want to be near them.

Tobio took a breath in through his nose and slowly let it out, calming himself and looking back up at the game. It was good that everyone else was at least getting practice in.

Tobio let a small smile creep onto his face as he watched the ball go back and forth, even if it was hit by one of them, they didn’t matter. What mattered to him was the game, and just watching it.

He shouldn’t break himself over a game. Especially over people who didn’t care for him. He had friends and he had his soulmate in Hitoka, and he had Shoyo.. 

He didn’t need to play this time if he couldn’t, he could just watch.

And like that, the match was over with Karasuno losing, again. The rest of the team groaned as they were forced back outside to run up the hill. Tobio walked alongside everyone else as Shoyo came running to his side. Shoyo looked sad and disappointed, clutching his arms as he pouted.

Tobio couldn’t help but snicker and look down at the other with a teasing look, “What are you so upset about?”

Shoyo snapped to look up at him, his mouth agape as stared up at Tobio like he had seen a ghost. 

Tobio just chuckles and pats Shoyo’s shoulder before Daichi claps and the whole team begins to run up the hill.

Tobio runs up, looking back softly as he sees Shoyo frozen in place before the shorter boy snaps out of it and begins to run up and scream, “Hey..!- You can’t just do..! You cheater!”

Tobio didn’t even look back and just kept moving up, though it didn’t take long for Shoyo to catch up and the two were running alongside each other. Once they made it back down to the bottom of the hill, Shoyo roughly grabbed his sleeve and dragged him over to the side.

“Wha- What’s with you..!! You were just upset..! And we lost to..!- AHH..! Why are you so..happy..!” Shoyo rambled on, his face was one of pure distress as he tried to understand what was going on, but Tobio could only laugh some more.

He felt very airy at the moment, but that was good, he was good. And he was going to continue to be good until he had to talk to their stupid faces again.

He didn’t have to play them.

It was only a game.

He shouldn’t destroy himself for them or a game.

If he wanted to play, if he thought he could play, he would play.

“I’m fine, idiot.. Stop freaking out..!” 

Tobio sighed and roughly grabbed Shoyo’s face into his hands and held him tightly while pulling him closer, “Now, idiot.. Are you going to keep freaking out or are we going to finally win something?”

The shorter boy’s cheeks became as red as his hair and he nodded quickly and slapped his hands against Tobio’s, “Y-Yeah..! ..and if we do win..can I get a kiss..?”

Tobio snorted and allowed himself to be spinned in a circle as Shoyo began to chuckle, “It has been soooo long since you’ve kissed me! You hate me and don’t love your BOYFRIEND! Your poor, poor, neglected boyfriend!” The boy teased, extending the vowels in each word he spoke.

The taller boy just laughed before leaning down and quickly giving the other a peck on the lips, his own face brightening up.

“Shut up.. lets just go play..”

~*~

Luckily, the day came to an end with Karasuno not having to go against Aoba Johsai again, which was a relief to the entirety of each team. Everyone began to walk back to their own respective sleeping areas, besides from the few idiots that stayed back to keep practicing.

Of those idiots were Hitoka and Tobio, who still wanted to improve what he had, he could see the small improvements in his playing skills but they weren’t enough to keep him satisfied. Hitoka was simply there to help keep him pushing forward and throw the ball if he needed, but she was admittedly there as well to make sure Tobio would not act stupider than usual.

And as yet another ball came crashing down in a way that only made Tobio frustrated, Hitoka walked over with a snicker and handed him his water bottle, “Good to see you acting more you.. We were all really worried..” Hitoka teased more than expressing genuine concern and leaned against his back as he grumbled, “..especially your little boyfriend..who I so happened to see dragging you off somewhere.. Wanna tell me what happened?”

Tobio blushed and pushed her off his back as she burst into a fit of giggles and clutched her stomach. He grumbled back, hitting his blush while looking down, “Shut it.. Nothing happened..” 

Besides.. Tobio was more interested in the way her shirt had ridden up and revealed her soulmark in full colors. It was very beautiful, and it looked gentle. It described the exact kind of person Hitoka deserved to have. Two doves. Two soulmates.

Tobio giggled and flicked Hitoka’s forehead, watching the girl laugh as she stumbled backwards from the light hit, and Tobio couldn’t help but tease back, “How about you instead tell me why your soulmark is in color, yet your best friend was never told?”

Hitoka snapped her head to look at Tobio before looking down at her exposed hip and violently shoves her shirt down and looks to the side, “I-I have no idea what you are talking about..!” She looked embarrassed as she spoke in a rushed tone, although less embarrassed from her exposed skin and looked more shameful.

Tobio just pouts and lays back against the cool floor of the gym. He sighs softly and feels his lips twitch into a small smile, “It’s..It is fine, Hitoka.. I wasn’t saying that because I was upset..”

He took a deep breath and continued, 

“..I AM very happy you found your soulmate.. You..you are good...and you deserve to find someone who will treat you good. Besides, I can’t help but wanna know who, but I have an idea.”

Hitoka sniffled and looked down, clutching herself lightly as she felt a spurge of insecurities fill her mind. Tobio sat up and patted the spot next to him and Hitoka gladly dropped onto the ground next to him and leaned against him. Her voice trembled softly as she spoke, “Sorry.. I was not really trying to hide it., I was just worried the talk of soulmates would make..make you feel off..besides, I don’t even think she’ll want me as a soulmate, or even realize it is me..

Tobio’s face transformed into a grimace and he loosely wrapped an arm sound Hitoka’s shoulders in a half-hug. He tried to speak as softly as possible, knowing how jumpy she gets when she is..in her head, “You shouldn’t restrain yourself..just to not hurt my feelings.. You’re you, and I..I love you, Hitoka.. You’re my friend, and if that stupid girl doesn’t like you back, then we can find you your own Hinata!”

Hitoka let out a wet laugh and wiped her eyes as she smiled softly and hugged Tobio around his torso, “Thanks.. But I don’t want a Hinata, too much energy.. I just want..her..”

“..Shimizu-san..?”

.

“Yeah..”

Tobio and Hitoka laid back together, letting go of one another and just stared up at the ceiling, surrounded by fallen water bottles, volleyballs, and their jackets.

Hitoka let out an exasperated sigh and threw her arms up, “Why is romance so stupid!”

Tobio snickered at her.

“Why would the universe make love simple?”

~*~

After cleaning up the gym and grabbing their jackets, Tobio and Hitoka walked side by side down the halls to their sleeping areas. But, it was clear Tobio was going elsewhere when he didn’t take a turn in the right direction..

Hitoka paused and grabbed his fingers and pulled Tobio back over to her, her face was twisted in concern as her eyebrows scrunched up and she made a scowl, Tobio.. Why are you going down.. there..” 

Both of them turned to look down the hall, knowing whose room was down there.

“Tobi.. come on.. we’re.. we’re both in a good mood right now, lets just let it be a good day”

Hitoka looked lightly teary as she tried to pull Tobio with her, she was worried. She didn’t want to have him brought back unconscious agin. She can’t lose him. Not now. Not when she has so many things to say and tell.

But Tobio still looked so determined, his feet still facing down the hall.

“Hitoka, I have to say something.. I can’t keep running.. I know they suck, but I want to still talk to them.. Tell them what is wrong..

..they were my friends at one point..”

Hitoka’s face didn’t change but her grip slightly softened as her face urged him to continue.

Tobio shifts his feet softly and takes a deep breath, “I..I want to do this for me, and for them. And if I just keep avoiding talking to them about what happened, how will I get better! I want them to know I am okay without them, that what they did didn’t ruin me and that I still have a future! A life!”

“I NEED them to know that I am happy with you and everyone else on the team!”

Hitoka finally let go and took a step back. 

It was silent as the two looked at each other. They wanted to be there for each other all the time like they were before school started. Yet, they have become so separated from each other, but it didn’t feel bad.

Tobio felt he could be at practice without having to worry about Hitoka panicking and hurting herself.

Hitoka felt she could let herself do something outside of Tobio without the worry that she is going to feel him slip away. But she knew to fully have that, she’d have to let him do this.

“..just..just get someone if something goes wrong..”

The left side of Tobio’s mouth twitched up and he took another step away, “Yeah.. you just go enjoy being with your soul- ..your soulmate”

Hiitoka nodded and turned her back and walked away. Even as worry and panic crept in her every step, she kept moving.

Tobio took a deep breath and began his walk down the hall, hoping that at least one of them was awake. And while he could hope for it to not be..Oikawa, he would have to talk to him about more than just Shoyo and volleyball at some point.

Tobio also couldn’t say he was just looking for apologies.. He wanted his friends back, because the..they had to be friends at some point, it had to be something because they definitely weren’t together-together.

But he still wanted there to be no hard feelings, because he wanted no connection at all. Especially with Kunimi..

Tobio shivered and shook his head, trying to clear those thoughts. He was safe and away from those people. He can’t let them win. Besides, they’re long gone now.

Tobio sighs and as he looks around the hallway, he is glad to see that he has come across Iwaizumi.

He didn’t hold much hard feelings towards him, more just resentment and confusion on why Iwaizumi didn’t protect him too.

Tobio takes a deep breath and walks up to Iwaizumi and taps his shoulder, causing him to turn around and look at Tobio with pure shock before his expression begins to change from hopefulness, to sadness, and then confusion, and keeps changing before settling on pure guilt.

“Kageyama..? Why..are you here- I mean- it is nice to see you okay..! Kunimi and Yuu said they saw you early in the week and that’s why you weren’t playing and I was worried when I saw you sitting on the bench”

Tobio took a deep breath, reminding himself that he doesn’t need to falter, he doesn’t need to break down, he is safe. “Iwaizumi.. I wanted to..talk to you..”

Iwaizumi lights up and smiles weakly, Ÿeah..! Of course.. Wanna- Want to go sit somewhere..? I could also get you a drink from the vending machine!- Wait, is it okay for you- Or wait, I mean..”

Tobio can’t help but snicker softly at the behaviour, despite his better belief not to. He enjoyed being somewhat-friends with Iwaizumi back in his first year of junior high. He hated when Iwaizumi started to ignore him too because they were friends, they didn’t have to be together, Tobio..he didn’t even want to be together in that way, he wanted them to be his friends.

“Yeah.. we can just go sit down, you don’t need to get me anything..”

The two awkwardly walk outside and sit on a bench together. Neither of them want to talk first, not even knowing what to say.

It should be natural, especially in Iwaizumi’s mind, the two of them are still soulmates after all. But, Tobio doesn’t feel that same feeling. He doesn’t feel the way he feels when he is around Hitoka, or around Shoyo. 

Tobio breaths softly through his nose before talking, “How has..training been?” 

Iwaizumi flinches back as Tobio talks and coughs weakly and scratches the back of his neck and speaks roughly, “Fine, fine! You know how it goes, we’re just getting ready for the next tournament..”

If he was talking to someone else, maybe Tobio would say something snarky in response, but he just doesn’t feel like that with Iwaizumi. Something about the older boy makes his love and need to talk about volleyball deflate.

The two look in the opposite direction of each other, not knowing what they could even talk about without making it worse. And Tobio isn’t looking for a fight or a yelling match, he wants to make amends- or, make himself feel better, and remain himself that it is okay to just leave them, that he doesn’t need to feel bad for wanting to leave. But they at least deserve to hear him say it, he doesn’t want to just straight ignore them like they do to him.

Iwaizumi notices that Tobio isn’t going to keep talking and sighs before speaking, “Kags.. I..I miss you, and I AM sorry for what I- for what We have done to you..”

Tobio just turns and stares at Iwaizumi, waiting for him to continue. Iwaizumi looks eyes with Tobio before continuing, “I never meant to..hurt you..we didn’t want you to leave, I loved you- well, I love you, Kageyama..” 

“No, you don’t..”

Tobio didn’t regret the words. Iwaizumi didn’t love him. Iwaizumi was like him, Tobio thought he loved them like that but he didn’t. He wanted his friends, they were supposed to be his friends.

What Iwaizumi felt wasn’t love, it was the idea that they were soulmates, but Tobio wasn’t meant to be their soulmate, just like Shoyo wasn’t meant to have one.

Tobio found what he loved, who he loved.

“Iwaizumi-san.. Don’t say you love me.. You love Oikawa-san.. You love Kunimi and you love Kindaichi., But you do NOT love me..!

Tobio was trembling, but so was Iwaizumi. He took a deep breath before continuing, “If you loved me, you would’ve shown me back then, but you didn’t.” 

“You don’t have to love me, I don’t need you to, I just want you to be sorry for what you did.”

Iwaizumi feels tears trailing down his cheeks as he reaches out to try and grab Tobio’s hands and raises his voice, “Why can’t I do both..? Why can’t I be sorry AND love you! Kageyama, please- Just..give us one more chance., give ME one more chance! We’re still soulmates- I-I never rejected you- please, just.. please..”

Tobio sniffled and gently squeezed Iwaizumi’s hand but immediately pulled back, “Iwaizumi.. I didn’t come to you to yell at you.. I don’t want to try again, I just wanted to tell you that..that I want to forgive you guys and move on.. Well, I can forgive you- and I can forgive Kindaichi., But I’m not ready to forgive the other too, but let's not hold onto..this.”

Tobio looks down at the ground, holding back any tears and grows a neutral face. He isn’t mad anymore, he just doesn’t want to be and he doesn’t see why he has to be.

But Iwaizumi just needed to shut up.

“B-But..! Kageyama, I know you ARE mad! About what happened, how we treated you, getting rejected- But please! Don’t just..just ABANDON us! I know we did something wrong but you can’t just leave! We are supposed to be soulmates! Don’t just leave ME! I TRIED to be a good soulmate, I really did! But everything you did just seemed to set Oikawa off and I- it was my job to be there for him!”

Tobio felt his tears fall despite what he desired. He knew that the others matter more than him, but just being told it, after being shown it again, and again, and again.. 

Tobio couldn’t contain himself anymore, he didn’t WANT to contain himself! If Iwaizumi wanted to argue,, they would fucking argue!

“Fuck you.. Fuck YOU! HOW can you even say THAT! ‘dOn’t jUst aBaNdon uS’ You all left me FIRST! I WANTED a relationship! A friendship at LEAST! BUT you all cared more about each other more than you cared for me! Even if I did give you guys a chance, you would just choose them over me again if anything went wrong! You DO NOT love me! You just feel bad for losing me! But I am happier without you guys! I have a best friend! AND a BOYFRIEND! I have people who want me around, who aren’t just constantly upset at me for something I don’t even know about! Just let me BE! I wanted to make up so we could have some kind of peace between us! But you guys don’t want that! You just want….you just want to feel better about yourself..”

The two sat in silence, both of them panting for air as they both wiped away their tears..

Iwaizumi sniffled and stood up, holding himself tightly, “Kageyama.. I really am sorry..”

Tobio watched as Iwaizumi walked away and he just sat there alone.

He felt lighter, like he was no longer weighed down.

~*~

It was finally time to leave back to Miyagi .

Everyone was saying their goodbyes, and Tobio himself did feel somewhat sad to leave some of them. Despite having spent the first part of the camp locked up in their room, it was still nice to watch the other team’s training and their skills.

He felt better about everything though. Especially since Hitoka seemed so much happier.. It was nice to watch her stumble around Shimizu-san, but it seems that they still haven’t told each other about their marks.

It was okay though, he knew that Hitoka would be okay, they would all be okay.

It was finally time to go home.

Chapter Text

Tobio was feeling better than ever. He was excited for the tournament and he just had to trust in himself, and his teammates that everything would be okay. They were going to win.

Tobio was curled up on his couch, Hitoka by his side as she worked on her sketches while he tried to finish up his homework. It had been awhile since it was just the two of them together. Even with their time at the training camp, they still haven’t spent enough time together. Tobio has almost forgotten what it was like.

He sighed and leaned back, stretching his arms and Hitoka turned to look up at him and spoke with a questioning tone, “Tired? Are you ready for a break, Tobi?”

Tobio yawned and stood up and held out a hand for Hitoka to grab, “Yeah.. We should make something to eat. I have a bunch of leftover pork from my dinner last night if you’d like that, or we can order something since my parents sent me the check for the month yesterday.”

Hitoka smiled and pulled up away to grab her cardigan, “Eating take out sounds nice, but I’d like to go sit down somewhere, is that okay?”

Tobio smiled and nodded and went to grab his own jacket and shoes before heading for his bag. Hitoka and him walked around each other in circles as they got ready to leave and closed up their books.

The two left and slightly leaned against each other as they walked the busy night streets. It had been an exhausting few days for both of them as they panicked over what was going to happen at the tournament, which led to their earlier hang out and trying to relax for once, well, more Hitoka panicking over a girl and Tobio’s condition.

They walked down together to a simple shop where they were sat by their waiter, a young man with white hair. They sat across from each other and sighed softly as they ordered their drinks and meals.

Hitoka yawned before speaking quietly, “..I tried doing what you said..talking to her..”

Tobio immediately sat up, his eyes no longer droopy as he moved to full attention. His voice trembled as he spoke, “You..You did..? What happened? What did she say?

She blushes softly and buries her face in her arms as she leans down onto the table and groans loudly, “T-That’s the thing..! I didn’t even get the far to ask her before I just felt so..bad..! She spoke so kindly and was so soft that I just..freaked out..!”

The taller boy snickers and sits up and leans against the table as he uses his right hand to flick her forehead, “Well, I already guessed that! I mean, what did you say exactly ?” Hitoka blushes even harder and turns away with a soft stutter.

“Well.. I just..! I had asked her about her soulmate and she just replied she was still looking..! A-And then she leaned towards me and was talking so softly a-and asking if I was okay, and I just felt so bad because she is so kind and pretty a-and amazing and EVERYTHING GOOD..! B-But I could barely focus on what she said! I was nervous and I felt bad because I was so perverted for what I was thinking about her and then just everything..! UGH!”

Hitoka bangs her head against the table and grunts in frustration while Tobio snickers softly and pushes her head up to look at him, “Hey, you’d be that good too if you got your head out of your ass and said something to her!”

She pouts and crosses her arms as she leans back into her seat, “It isn’t that easy though! How can I stay calm around her when it feels like I’m going to..to EXPLODE every time I even see her!” her voice was rushed as she spoke, barely distinguishable as Tobio listened to her rambles.

Tobio grabs her hands gently and squeezes them softly, trying to speak as gently as possible through his giggles, “Yeah, and I’m pretty sure she likes that though.. Shimizu-san seems to have no problem when you freak out around her, yet she does get annoyed when others do it, does she not?”

Hitoka blushes and lays her head against her and Tobio’s combined hands and mumbles weakly, “I know.. It’s just, I can’t help but think I won’t be good enough for her..” 

Tobio softened and squeezed her hands tighter as he calmed himself and leaned against her forehead, “Hitoka, you’re great, and I know you will be a great..soulmate.. You guys are..made for each other and there is no reason to reject you ..”

Hitoka sniffles and looks up at Tobio, but her bottom lip just wobbles as she tries not to cry. In the distance, Tobio sees the waiter coming with their items and he pulls back as Hitoka looks down to wipe away her tears.

The waiter drops their food and waves them off as he goes back to help other customers. Hitoka looks up as he leaves and stares at Tobio. She whispers softly to him, “Tobio.. We have been through this before and.. You still don’t blame yourself for being rejected, do you?”

Tobio taps on the table and coughs weakly.

He doesn’t really know.

He knows he doesn’t like them anymore, that he shouldn’t feel guilty for not being enough but..when he sees them looking so sad, so down, so unlike themselves, he can’t help but feel like it is all his fault.

But being rejected wasn’t one of his faults.

“No, I don’t.. don’t worry, Hitoka.. and that’s not what I was trying to talk about, I swear! I just want you to know how good you are.. you’re going to be a good soulmate, just..just let yourself be with her..”

Hitoka nods and sighs softly before shoving her food into her mouth, chewing weakly as she and Tobio eat in silence, but a soothing silence.

The two pay for their food and head out, walking alongside each other as Tobio gently rubs her arm and tries to be comforting, “You are great, Hitoka.. There is no reason not to like you..”

Hitoka groans and looks down even more and rubs her arm weakly, “I just don’t want to disappoint, you know..?”

Tobio grimaces and nods, still thinking that he is too cruel and dirty for Shoyo, but he knows he isn’t, Shoyo loves him and probably for a reason. “I understand but.. I can say the same things to you.. Besides, you probably deserve a good life more than me..”

She pouts and shoves his arm and crosses her own, “Shut it..! If I am being forced to have a good life, then so are you!”

Tobio snickers and walks off the sidewalk to sit on a nearby bench. Hitoka joins him with a pout and leans her head against his shoulder. The two breath softly as they just look ahead, both of them lightly touching their soulbands. 

Tobio sniffles softly before whispering quietly, “..Do you think we’ll win this time..?”

Hitoka smiles softly, “Of course..”

~*~

Tobio had just finished up practice and for once, wasn’t staying late as he tried to make sure Hitoka didn’t run away.

“Stop it! You promised you would at least TRY again!”

Hitoka whined and tried to pull away from Tobio as she attempted to make a run for it, scared to face Shizumi-san, especially after she nearly got hit again with the balls.

“Please, another time! I just need more time!”

Tobio grumbled and let go of her, but she didn’t make it far before he was standing in front of her. “Hitoka! You are always telling me to not let my worries get the better of me, follow what you say!”

Hitoka pouts and grumbles, trying to sneak around Tobio to try and get to her bag and run off back to his house. Her words are mumbled at best as she speaks nervously, “..I know that.. But this is different, she is a pretty girl who is too cool..”

Tobio mutters and looks at her, “Yeah, a cool girl who definitely likes YOU!” He grabs her shoulders and talks a bit softer, “You are going to do great.. Just, ask about her soulmark or something..”

Hitoka gulps and nods and turns on her heel to walk towards Shimizu-san. Tobio sighs and goes and finds somewhere to sit. He wants to be there just in case Hitoka’s heart gets broken.

But as time passed, Tobio saw no sign of Hitoka coming back. That was until he saw her being led towards the exit by Shimizu. Both of the girls' faces were bright red and Tobio sighed in relief, happy to know that Hitoka was going to be okay.

Tobio stood back up and began to walk back home, as he already decided for no more practice for the day. 

The walk was silent. He had no Hitoka to keep him company, Shoyo wasn’t here to talk about whatever. He had no one at the moment. It was quiet.

He enjoyed it better than he thought.

So when he eventually heard a knock at his door, breaking the silence that was the late night, he felt a hint of disappointment that she came back so soon.

Tobio yawned softly and walked towards his door and turned the knob. As he opened the door, Hitoka bursted in with a wide smile and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she spoke at a rapid speed.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!”

Hitoka pulled back and looked up at him with bright eyes and Tobio raised an eyebrow at the smeared gloss on her entire face. Glitter was stuck to every crease in her skin. Tobio’s face turns into a small smile as he helps lead her in and close the door behind him. 

“It went well?” Tobio assumed. 

Hitoka scoffed and rolled her eyes as she stepped back, looking up at Tobio as her smile only became wider, “Yeah.. it went well you could say.” She grabbed Tobio’s hands and squeezed as she bounced on her heels.

Tobio was happy to see her doing better, he knew that she had no worries, everything was going to be okay for her. 

Although he couldn’t forget the growing pain in his chest.