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Jack, Lily, and Zero were not the first new crewmembers Joseph was having to get used to, but they were by far his favorite. And somehow, maybe because he actually liked them all, he thought maybe there wouldn't be any misunderstandings like the ones he'd encountered on many a ship.
Boy, was he wrong.
It had all begun shortly after dinner. After One had dramatically revealed the "secret" ingredient of the dish (spoiler alert: it was butter, again), everyone had settled into what had become their evening routine. Usually, a game of Uno or Dominoes followed supper. Once that became a little too heated, the girls showered, then the guys, while the robots and Mouse washed the dishes. Strong-Strong was no longer allowed to carry the dishes, but to be helpful, he had begun to aggressively sweep under the table, and it was wise to avoid the common area if you didn't want to be swept up as well.
After Strong-Strong finished his cleaning, everyone just sort of settled down to do whatever they wanted before bed. Joseph didn't really know where everyone was, but he didn't mind. He had found a beat-up paper copy of Pride and Prejudice in the last spaceport they'd stopped at for fuel, and he could feel the new-book thrill pulling him in to read. That's where he was, curled up in his cloak on his bunk, reading Jane Austen by the light of a a dim lamp and the various stars outside his window, when Jack posed the question.
"Hey Joseph, have you seen my key?"
Joseph barely glanced down at the floor. Jack's clothes and others various things were piled on the floor in no particular order. "It's probably under all your junk," Joseph said lightly, turning back to his book. He'd gotten used to unsavory roommates on various slave ships, and though Jack was an angel compared to them, he was still fairly messy. After only sharing with Four for a few years, Joseph was finding it a little difficult to readjust to a human roommate.
"No, I've already been through all this stuff," Jack said, picking up something and dumping it elsewhere on the floor. "And for the record I was cleaning up when I noticed it was gone."
"For the record, I couldn't really tell," Joseph responded. "Have you checked the common room?"
"Yeah, and the kitchen and the docking port, before you ask," Jack said.
Joseph didn't look up. "Girls' room?"
"Oh, yeah, maybe Lily borrowed it," Jack said. "I'll go ask the girls."
"Okay." Joseph heard him shut the bedroom door and turned back to his book.
Wait, both of them!? If Jack asked Zita about keys, then- oh no.
Throwing his book aside, Joseph leapt off his bunk and threw open the door. "Hey, Jack!" he yelled, racing through the common room towards the girls' open bedroom door. His cloak latched onto the walls and he vaulted over the robots watching t.v. "Jack!"
Time seemed to slow as Joseph landed in the doorframe. Jack stood in the middle of the room. Lily was no where in sight, but Zita was curled up on her bed scooping peanut butter from the jar. Before Joseph could stop him, he heard the forbidden question slip from Jack's mouth: "Hey, Zita, have you seen my key?"
No. He was too late. It was done.
Zita's eyes widened and she sat up taughtly. "Your key?" she asked evenly, her voice laced with malice. Jack took a step back. "YOUR KEY?" Zita repeated, her voice raised. She leapt from her bed and in a fluid motion flung a spoonful of peanut butter at Jack. "I AM NOT SAINT ZITA THE KEY FINDER!!" she yelled, and catapulted another spoonful of peanut butter at Jack.
He yipped and ran, Joseph raising up with his cloak to give Jack enough room to run under as Zita chased him out of the room. Joseph rose the the ceiling, barely keeping pace with Jack as they hightailed it across the room to escape Zita's peanut butter rampage. Jack rushed into the guys' room, and Joseph had barely dived in from overhead before Jack slammed the door shut. Panting, they heard a splat of peanut butter hit the outside of the door.
Jack looked at Joseph, and as soon as he made eye contact, both boys fell to the floor laughing.
"What was that about?" Jack asked finally, between laughs. "I've never seen her so intense!"
Joseph couldn't help his smiles. "There's a saint named Zita. She's the patron saint of helping you find your keys. It became kind of a running joke around here, and Zita doesn't like it." Joseph laughed again, brushing hair out of his eyes. "Tried to warn you."
"Oh, man, oh... Saint Zita the Key Finder!" Jack laughed. "That's insane... she's insane!"
"I HEARD THAT!" Zita yelled from outside the door, somewhere nearby.
Jack rolled over, bracing himself on the door to yell through it. "SORRY!" he yelled, still laughing. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO INCUR THE WRATH OF A SAINT." He could hardly finish, slipping back to the floor and laughing hysterically.
"I'LL GET YOU, JACK!" Zita yelled, and a door slammed somewhere outside.
When he could finally contain his laughter, Joseph glanced over at Jack. "Sorry, man, but I'm not saving you from your penance."
They both broke into another fit of laughter, and Joseph decided right there that Jack was the best roommate he'd ever had.