Work Text:
As if frozen in place, Gregor watched as Mrs. Cormaci's note fell from his hand and floated to the floor. The words of the prophecy finally hit him, crashing like an avalanche.
WHEN THE WARRIOR HAS BEEN KILLED
Gregor clutched at a shelf to keep from falling, as the silent room spun around him. A terrible pressure in his chest threatened to tear him apart.
No! I don't want this! I don't want to die!
His entire body shook, so hard a flashlight toppled over, rolled, and fell to the floor with a loud clatter. He tried with all his might to push the terrible thoughts from his mind, but he couldn't. Those words felt heavier than a mountain.
I can't do this… I can't. I've got to go home…
When Luxa said she wouldn't blame him if he fled the Underland, he'd first thought she was wrong. He thought there could be no excuse for leaving a whole world to its fate.
But she'd been right. It was all just… too much.
The Underlanders were asking him to give his life, his future, everything for them.
I'm getting out of here. Going to get Boots and my mom and get home and… never… look… BACK.
For an instant, the space between two heartbeats… he thought he really might do it.
That instant passed.
The pain did not.
If he left, what would happen to everyone he loved down here? Luxa and Ares and Vikus. Howard and Mareth and Aurora. Nerissa and Andromeda and Perdita. Temp, Hazard, Dulcet, Nike, Cartesian, and more.
Plus the hundreds of kids he'd seen down here over the summer, and all the nibblers out there in the Firelands…
If Gregor left, they would all die. Maybe even Ripred.
Gregor could never let that happen.
He would not.
Gregor sank to the floor, shaking, panting, racked by waves of tremors and fighting not to cry. He had to beat this. This had to stop. If he lost control every time he thought about what lay ahead, what he was giving up by staying here… it might end up being for nothing. He'd be worthless. A weak, frightened little boy, not a warrior who could save everyone he loved.
He needed something to keep him strong. Something he could turn to for courage no matter how bad things got.
He thought of Boots, and Lizzie, and his Mom. He thought of Dad and Grandma, and home. School, Larry, and Angelina…
But none of it helped.
The people he loved, the places he missed so much… these were the things he would lose soon.
Nothing in his life could give him the strength he needed… because his life was the very thing he was giving up…
He needed something else. Something that could carry him through any pain, stoic and unflinching.
Just as his mind started to turn to the stone knight at the Cloisters…
Someone else entered the room.
Solovet opened her mouth to speak… but the words died on her lips.
Drawn by the sound of something falling, she had found Gregor… but he was not as she had come to expect of him.
The hard, resilient, fearless rager destined to save Regalia… sat gasping on the floor, leaning against the museum shelves. It looked like he might have been crying…
In a rush that was almost panic, Gregor scrambled to his feet and tried to compose himself. It was clear he didn't want anyone to see him in this state, let alone Solovet and the soldiers at the doorway.
But he couldn't hide his turmoil. Despite all his efforts, Gregor looked ready to weep.
Solovet had sought him out to declare her ultimatum, to assign two of her best men to keep the Warrior in check, to ensure he came to heel, and obeyed her as his Commander.
But again, the words failed to come.
Behind her, Horatio and Marcus shifted uncomfortably. They were not accustomed to seeing Solovet hesitate.
Ultimately, it was Gregor who spoke first. His voice quivered, strained by the war raging within him. "I… I chose to stay."
Again, Solovet opened her mouth to speak. Again, she could not. For the first time since escaping the spinners… Solovet actually saw him as a child.
"I… I read the prophecy. And… I chose to stay." A note of desperation crept into his voice. "And… Solovet… I'm twelve."
Horatio let out a sigh, and Solovet suspected the veteran soldier felt much the same as she… and equally surprised by it.
The quivering in Gregor's voice intensified, and he barely held back tears. "I'm twelve and I read the prophecy and I chose to stay and I will no matter what. Please… please just… try to remember that… okay?"
Without making a decision, Solovet found herself hugging the boy close. After a sharp, surprised intake of breath… he gave way to sobs.
Part of her wished she still had tears to shed, but she spent the last of hers decades ago. "Gregor…" she whispered. "Dear… dear child… Since I first met you, you have always been so strong, so brave… just like my granddaughter. You have fulfilled four prophecies, ended one war, delayed another, and prevented the extinction of nations…"
She gently broke the embrace, and looked into his exhausted, glistening eyes. "Just like with Luxa… it is so easy to forget… you are still a child."
Clenching his fists and nodding, he managed to get his sobs under control. Despite the tears on his cheeks, his young, soft face, and his narrow shoulders… the strength in him could not be doubted.
"Gregor… for my people to survive… all the mothers, and fathers, and children… I need the prophecy to come true. I need for you to…" For just a moment, she again lost the will to speak, and she looked down with her eyes clenched shut.
But no. She would never let any kind of fear hold her back. She met Gregor's eyes, and her voice was warm but firm. "I need you to die that Regalia might live."
To his credit, the boy didn't flinch. Expression hardening, he nodded.
"But I promise you, Gregor… I will remember." She brushed a tear from his cheek. "You read the prophecy. You chose to stay. You have lived only twelve years. And you accept this as all the time you will have. I vow… to honor that."
Gregor took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and for a short time all went silent.
Then, something within him… changed. He let the breath out, his expression and posture relaxed, and he opened his eyes. "Thank you."
"Please, dear Gregor… work with me. Heed my orders. I seek the same end as you. I want the Underland to survive, for the Bane's evils to perish with him, and for as many as possible to outlive this war. You cannot. But many others can. Because of your choice."
Gregor nodded, and he stood straight and proud.
A small but vital part of Solovet's worldview irreversibly shifted. She saw in front of her, not a vital resource that must be controlled and expended… but a heroic boy who had chosen to be expended. "Understand my purpose, young Warrior. Our goals align. Cooperate with my plans and strategies, that the war might be won sooner, and cost fewer lives." She reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder, pleased but not surprised to feel it was firm and strong. He kept his eyes fixed on hers. "And in return, I will do all in my considerable power to ensure that your choice… and the cost of that choice… will not be in vain. I will use you to save Regalia. I will spend you to save Regalia. And I shall honor your memory for as long as I breathe."
Author's Note:
At the suggestion of TUCfan, I thought through a number of ways that events might have played out very differently after the small but vital change in this short story. The Ironheart series continues in "Not Her Pawn." I hope you enjoy it.
The scene in Code of Claw where Gregor suffered his emotional breakdown was easily one of the most powerful moments in the whole series. We saw a brave child brought low by the dreadful weight of what lay ahead of him, experiencing the full agony of that future… and choosing to stay the course anyway. After seeing that moment of deepest internal heroism, I felt utter outrage when mere moments later Solovet treats Gregor like a mere pawn in her game. I wanted to shake her, slap her, and scream in her face until I lost my voice… though she and her guards could have effortlessly put me in my place.
But recently, when writing "Regalia Bleeds," there were a few scenes that forced me to really get into Solovet's head. To see her from her own perspective, to acknowledge her goals, her priorities, what she was willing to do to ensure Regalia's survival. Like so many of the characters in these masterful books, Solovet is fascinating, complex, and feels so real. She does things that are horribly immoral, and sometimes even evil. But the woman herself isn't actually evil, no matter how much I despise her. She believes she is the one who must make the brutal decisions needed to save her people. In the first book, before war breaks out, she is warm and gentle with Gregor, who remembers it after learning of her death.
I imagined a scenario where her kindness, her empathy, so often buried deep, unexpectedly came to the fore. If Gregor, the deeply heroic, tough-as-nails, manly-as-frick child, had still been in the middle of his emotional breakdown when she saw him… That might have been a wakeup call for her, to a degree. She still would have been a hard and harsh commander. She still would have sought control over Gregor, as she believed his compliance was the only hope for her people. But, perhaps, she would have done a better job of remembering… this vital resource for saving her people… was a 12-year-old boy…
A boy who chose to stay and die for that very goal.
It's nice to imagine the little hero not being treated like a disposable resource. Solovet had grown accustomed to treating Luxa like an adult. And Gregor also deserved to be treated as an adult… most of the time. But it sure would have been nice if Solovet managed not to be a total ass to a kid who absolutely didn't deserve it.
In that scenario, when she died… I might have actually mourned.