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Chapter Text

Merlin shot up, shaking and gasping for breath, which caused Arthur to be jerked from his sleep, sit up as well, and begin to stroke his husband's hair reassuringly.
'Merlin love, are you alright?'
Merlin continued to shake. His stomach lurched and his head ached so badly that his vision became blurry. Or maybe it was the rising tears...
He shook his head shakily, tears now streaming down his cheeks.
'No... I... My head hurts...'
Merlin tried hard to calm down his breathing
'Shhhhh, it's okay. I'm here,' Arthur said as he lifted his husband into his arms, stroking his sweaty hair slowly and comfortingly.
"Arthur..." That was all Merlin could say. He didn't know what it was he was dealing with right now, but it couldn't be good if he kept feeling so terrible.
'Shhh, you're going to be alright. I promise...'
Merlin was breathing a little easier and crying softly. With Arthur he could just let his tears flow.
'Are you ill?' He heard him say.
Merlin nodded.
'I think so...'
Arthur became more worried by the minute. Merlin was never sick. And even if he was, it wasn't so intense that he actually had to cry. He hardly ever cried...
Arthur thought of the times when he had been ill, and Merlin had cared for him with love. He would be with him all day, while the warlock would stroke him comfortingly or tell him stories, making him better little by little with Gaius' potions and of course a dash of magic. Merlin didn't make the sick days so bad anymore...
Now Arthur would do the same for him.
"Hey," the king whispered, letting go of his husband but taking his face in his hands. He wiped away the tears with his thumb. In the dark he couldn't see his face clearly, but neither side of the coin needed vision to recognize their lover.
'Can you fix it a bit with magic?' Arthur asked. Merlin nodded as he sniffled and shifted to a different sitting position more calmly. He placed his hand over his heart and muttered a spell. His eyes glowed, causing the beautiful light from Merlin's eyes to light up the room for a second, but then it suddenly flickered and faded without doing anything.
Now Arthur was really starting to worry.
Merlin tried again, but the light only disappeared faster, as if it simply didn't have the power to shine.

The awful stings in his stomach were getting worse. Merlin was extremely tired, yet he kept shaking no matter how hard he tried to stop it.
He became frustrated. Why didn't it work? His magic had never failed him. Except that one time...
Merlin shook the thought of the horrible time he had spent in the cave, without his magic, when Arthur needed him, out of his head. But it only got worse.

Arthur saw Merlin become even more scared after his second attempt and placed a reassuring hand on the shoulder of the man he loved.
'It's alright. Don't worry,' Arthur said, more to himself than to his husband. 'You're only tired. We'll just try again tomorrow.'
Merlin nodded, falling back into Arthur's arms, who hugged him tightly. Arthur was probably right. He was only tired... Tomorrow he would probably be better.

The next morning Arthur suddenly woke up, not knowing what had awoken him. Merlin lay in his arms, his head against Arthur's chest. The young man was still shaking, but less than last night. Sunlight poured into the windows. It was a cool, rainy morning and by the looks of it, it was still early in the morning.
Suddenly he felt the man in his arms stiffen. Merlin opened his eyes.
'Hey, love, how are you?' Arthur asked softly.
"I…" Merlin answered with a gesture. He quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the chamber pot to puke up the entire contents of his stomach. Arthur quickly sprinted after him, gently stroking his husband's hair as he went through his pain.
'Shhh, it's all right. You're going to be fine,' he spoke reassuringly to Merlin.
After Merlin threw up, he lifted his head sadly, turned to sit against the wall, and began shaking more violently than earlier that night. Now that it was light, Arthur could study his face better, and he gulped at what he saw. Merlin was pale. Too pale. He walked over to his husband and stroked his forehead. He was boiling.
'Okay, I'll get Gaius. You go lay down,' Arthur said, trying to hide his worries. Merlin nodded and stood up. For a moment it looked like he was going to collapse to the ground, and Arthur quickly threw his arms around him, but Merlin stood still, panting. He looked up and saw the now very worried face of his lover.
"I'm okay," the pale man said softly.
Arthur smiled a little, but picked Merlin up anyway, and carried him to the bed. Merlin wanted to protest, but he was too tired for that.
"I'm still not a girl," he muttered.
Arthur laughed. If Merlin still had the strength to joke, it wouldn't be so bad, he hoped.
He gently laid him down on the still warm bed and brushed Merlin's black curls out of his eyes.
"Oh, but you are," he then said in a serious tone.
"I'm not," his husband said, closing his eyes.
Arthur placed an empty jar at the edge of the bed.
"Hey," he whispered. Merlin opened his eyes.
'If you feel like you're going to be sick again, then just reach over here, okay?'
Merlin nodded, looking at him gratefully.
Arthur stood up.
'I'm going to get Gaius, now, he'll make you better.'
He walked away, but not without placing a kiss on Merlin's burning forehead. Merlin would be okay, he had to be.

Chapter Text

Merlin smiled as he watched his husband leave their chambers hastily. He couldn't believe he'd been so lucky to meet Arthur, and he certainly couldn't believe he hated him so much before. He chuckled as he remembered their first meeting, but then his stomach lurched in protest. For a moment he thought he was going to throw up again, but this time he was able to keep it down. He took a shaky breath. He sat down against the pillows and closed his eyes. He had never felt like this before. Though he felt better now than during the night. He thought back to the moment when a sharp stab in his head had woken him up. His whole body had ached, and it was as if he had lost his ability to function properly. Shivering, he opened his eyes. Things were going better now. He was tired, and still had a bit of a headache, but it wasn't so bad anymore. Hopefully it will continue to get better, he thought.
As Arthur hurried into their room with Gaius at his heels, he thought he would find his husband sick and pale on the bed, but instead Merlin smiled at him, sitting on the edge of the bed. Slightly less concerned, Arthur sat down next to him.
'How are you feeling, love?'
'Better,' Merlin said with a smile.
'Merlin my boy, Arthur said you might be dying, are you sure you're alright?'
Merlin burst out laughing and looked lovingly at his husband, who looked down in shame.
'Worried about me?' Merlin teased.
Arthur smiled at Merlin's laugh. It was a blessing for him.
'How are you feeling right now Merlin?' Gaius asked, potions at the ready.
'Better than before,' said Merlin, 'I'm just a bit tired and I do have a headache, but it's okay. I feel like whatever virus was in my body, has probably left by now,' he added, nodding to the full pot in the room. Arthur placed a hand on his forehead and sighed in relief.
'Maybe you're right. The fever has dropped.'
Arthur and Merlin exchanged loving looks.
'Okay then,' Gaius said, relieved as well. He handed Merlin a strange, green colored potion. 'Drink this, without complaining, it's for the headache. But if you feel ill like this again, you must come to me quickly.'
Gaius gave Arthur a nod, as if he was talking more to him than to Merlin, who they both knew all too well when it came to this sort of thing.
Merlin drank the potion in one gulp and grimaced.
'Merlin,' Gaius said, raising an eyebrow.
'I wasn't complaining!' Merlin said, coughing.
'Let me try,' Arthur said, and he gave Merlin a kiss.
'That's disgusting, Arthur, I've just vomited!' Merlin laughed.
'I don't care,' said the king. 'But it is a disgusting potion, Gaius.'
The two kissed again, and again, and several more long times.
Gaius smiled, deciding the two were in good hands as he walked back to his quarters.

The day passed normally, with no illnesses and no terrible drinks. Merlin did his Court-Sorcerer work, helped Arthur with his papers and in the evening, they had a nice meal together, as if nothing had happened. When they lay in bed, with Merlin curled up against his king's warm chest, Arthur asked him if he was okay.
'Yeah,' Merlin replied softly. 'I'm fine.'
'Merlin you litterly threw up today.'
Merlin laughed.
'I'm okay now, I promise.'
'Okay,' Arthur whispered.
Soon they were fast asleep.

The next morning, they woke up in each other's arms.
Merlin smiled at his sweet husband, who also slowly opened his eyes.
'Rise and shine...' Merlin said softly.
Arthur laughed.
'Please don't tell me you're looking for woodworm again,' Arthur teased.
Merlin chuckled softly before firing back a comment.
'Actually, I'm looking at one right now.'
Arthur looked at him offended.
'Well than you'd be married to a worm.' He said indignantly, as he started to tickle his husband extensively.
'An amazing one,' Merlin said, laughing, hoping that comment would make Arthur stop.
It worked.
Arthur pulled Merlin onto his lap, keeping his hands on his waist.
'Yeah?' He whispered.
Merlin nodded.
'He can be a bit of a prat sometimes,' he then added with a frown.
That wasn't very smart. Arthur hit him with a pillow, and again and again... Merlin let out a yelp, quickly grabbed a pillow himself, and fought back hard. The men laughed and shook the entire bed as they rolled back and forth, the feathers jumping everywhere. Finally, Merlin used magic and sent Arthur's pillows flying towards him, rolling them over him and wrapping him up with the blanket so that they were both lying on their own sides on the bed, staring lovingly into each other's eyes.
'You cheated!' Arthur exclaimed, but he couldn't help but smile at the starlight in Merlin's eyes, so beautiful...
'No,' Merlin said, 'I played smart.'
'Ah! That explains it,' Arthur played along with exaggerated sarcasm.
Merlin laughed.
'Do I win?'
Arthur didn't answer that question, instead he leaned in and kissed the warlock passionately. That wonderful feeling of pure love swelled in his heart again, as if he had been reunited with his other half. Arthur rolled over so he was on his back and pulled Merlin against his chest, without breaking the kiss. He felt Merlin's hands through his hair, and he hugged his husband tightly, so that his whole body was connected.
It continued like this for a while, both men kissing and caressing as if their lives depended on it, until Merlin pulled away.
'We've got to go,' he whispered.
Arthur pressed his husband even tighter against him.
'No.'
'Arthur,' Merlin smiled. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Arthur pressed his lips to his again. Merlin couldn't help it. He became addicted to this feeling, he loved Arthur, he loved everything about him, everything, Arthur...
Quickly, Merlin pulled away and sat up.
'I see what you're doing.'
'...Is it working?'
Arthur looked at him with a grin when Merlin couldn't think of an answer to that.
They kissed again, long and exuberantly, until suddenly there was a knock on the door.
'Enter,' Arthur said, glancing at Merlin with a smile.
Gwaine stepped into the room, grinning as if he had just won a bet. Then he cleared his throat.
'You are late for the training, sires.'
'Training...' Arthur said, lovesick. Then he suddenly woke up. 'Oh! Training! Right, um, what time is it?'
'It's past afternoon princess,' Gwaine said. 'But we all understand if you might want to... do stuff.'
Merlins cheeks thurned pink but he laughed when Gwaine winked at him, knowing what he knew.
'We'll be right there Gwaine, sorry,' he said quickly. Gwaine nodded and grinned as he left the room.
Arthur sighed grumpily.
'Now the whole castle thinks we kissed the whole morning away.'
'Well,' Merlin said, pulling his husband to the edge of the bed so he could comb his hair, "you do know we did do that, right?"
Now Arthur smiled.
'Yeah, I think I remember you and I being there.'
'Yeah? Good.' Merlin laughed.

When they were all set for training, half an hour later than planned, the knights got to work, while Merlin watched from the side. He smiled. Elyan had told him a few days ago that they always had to work a little harder when he was around, because Arthur liked to show off for him. However, when Merlin had confronted him, the king had denied it all, but Merlin could tell he had lied. Okay, now Merlin had to admit something: he secretly loved seeing Arthur fight, as the best knight of them all, and he found it super attractive when Arthur came to him at the end of the session, all sweaty and kingly, dressed in armor. Those were the moments when Merlin couldn't stop blushing, even though they were married now.
And now it would happen again. Merlin's grin widened, but suddenly it disappeared. A stab shot through his head. A wave of nausea washed over him. His vision blurred for a moment. Just as Merlin started to panic, the feeling subsided. He took a deep breath. Nothing to worry about.

'Merlin?' Arthur called out. Merlin looked up to see the knights all looking at him questioningly. The session was over, and he had to bring them new weapons, since the weapons were close to him, and he always did it.
He stood up and started to walk towards the weaponry, but then another wave of nausea washed over him. He stood still, trying to ignore the pangs that shot through his head.
'Merlin?' He heard a concerned voice shout in the distance. He looked up, but his vision was so blurry that he had trouble seeing Arthur walking towards him.
'Merlin what's wrong?' He heard him say. Arthur sounded worried and scared, and for a moment Merlin wanted to run to him and comfort him, but then he vaguely realized that it was about him.
'Merlin?'
'I don't feel good,' Merlin said, startled by his own voice, which sounded weak and far away. He shook his head. Black spots danced before his eyes.
'I don't... feel very well...'
His knees buckled. He saw a flash of red coming towards him before his vision went completely black.

Chapter Text

Arthur's heart was beating furiously. The last thing he could remember was reaching out to catch him. Now Merlin lay limp in his arms.
'Merlin!?'
Arthur held his husband tightly and fell to the ground, with Merlin in his arms.
The knights ran towards their kings, worried and afraid.
'Merlin!' Lancelot shouted. 'What happened?'
Arthur looked up.
'Get Gaius! Bring him to our room.' Leon and Gwaine nodded, and immediately started running to the physician.
Arthur stroked his soulmate's cheek with his thumb.
'Merlin, please, wake up…'
But the man remained silent, his skin paler than usual, his black hair dangling over his forehead, lying motionless against the man he loved...
Lancelot sat down next to them.
'We must carry him back to the castle, sire,' he said softly.
Arthur nodded, fighting back tears. Merlin would get better. He must have gotten himself into trouble again, like always. They would look back one day and laugh at the fact that Merlin had just decided to faint. No, he wouldn't die. He never died. They would have a future together... After everything they had been through together, after everything they had done, now everything was going to be okay. Now they were together.
It was nothing serious.
'Sire?' Percival said softly, sliding his arms under Merlin.
'Yes,' Arthur said hoarsely.
Percival took the sick young man in his arms and ran as carefully as he could towards the castle, followed by Leon, Lancelot and Arthur, all worried and scared for their friend.

Merlin heard voices. They came closer and closer, and suddenly he realized that he was lying somewhere. It was soft, cozy, and warm, like he was in a warm embrace that would never end. And yet he felt terrible. His head was exploding, and he was shivering from the cold.
'...he'll be alright?'
Suddenly he heard the voices loud and clear.
'Gaius?' Lancelot's voice.
'I... It's too early to say, I'm afraid.'
Gaius sounded scared, and unsure. Why? What...
Suddenly the memories washed over him. The sickness... The field... Merlin opened his eyes in shock.
'He's awake,' Gwaine's voice said.
It was evening. In front of him he saw Gwaine, Gwen and Lancelot smiling at him. Beside him stood Gaius, looking at him with concern. He was in bed. Their bed. In their room. But where...? Suddenly he realized what he was up against. Or rather: against whom. His husband had his arms wrapped around him and was gently stroking his hair. He looked up and looked straight into those beautiful, bright blue eyes. They were staring back at him with concern.
'What…' Merlin's voice was hoarse, and soft. 'What just happened?'
'You kind of uhm... Passed out.' Arthur said softly.
'Onto your husband though, so, all good,' Gwen said, smiling, but sounding unsure.
Merlin straightened himself in a sitting position and looked at his husband in shock. Arthur took his hand and squeezed it.
'Are you alright?' he asked, trying to suppress the worried undertone in his voice.
'Yeah...' Merlin said reassuringly, even though he felt terrible. 'I'm just... A bit embarrassed.'
The knights smiled. However, Gaius, Gwen and Arthur still looked concerned.
'Drink this, my boy,' Gaius said. Merlin looked at him gratefully as he accepted the potion and drank it, not even protesting this time.
'Merlin,' Gaius said. The king's consort looked up. 'I want you to describe to me what you are feeling, and for how long.'
Merlin swallowed. He didn't want to make them more worried, but he knew he had to be honest.
Arthur squeezed his hand again, as if he knew what was going on inside him. Of course he knew that. Merlin looked at his wonderful husband, and only talked to him.
'Well... It started a few days ago. I started feeling dizzy and tired, but I thought it was nothing, until...' Arthur nodded at him. "Until that night," Merlin said. 'I felt really sick, and I couldn't stop shaking. Breathing hurt, and my head was killing me, but after I uhm... emptied my stomach, everything was fine. At least that's what I thought, but...'
Gaius nodded understandably. For a moment there was an unpleasant silence in the air. Merlin knew that Gaius knew what was happening to him. That was because he knew it himself... Now he did.
He looked at Gwen and saw that she knew it too. She covered her mouth with her hands and started to cry.
'Oh, Merlin...'
Lancelot wrapped his arms around her but seemed confused.
'What?' Gwaine asked. He swallowed and looked at Gaius. 'What is it?'
Tears ran down Gaius' cheeks.
'Merlin has the Sickness of Emethia.' The words came out slowly and shakily.
It was quiet for a moment.
'What... What is that?' Gwaine said. There were tears in his eyes now too. Merlin had never seen the knight so scared. He didn't have the strength in him to look at Arthur, so he kept his eyes on the sheets.
'Why don't we go for a walk?' Gaius said, a faint smile on his face.
Merlin looked up at his mentor. The old man pressed a kiss to his forehead. Merlin smiled, tears in his eyes.
'Get some rest,' whispered the man he saw as a father. Merlin nodded.
He watched his best friends and Gaius leave the room.
'Hey,' he said.
The four turned around.
'I'll get better, don't you think so low of me.'
Gwen laughed through her tears. Merlin turned to Arthur as he heard the doors slam shut.
His husband, with whom he had been married for two years now, and with whom he seemed to have been together all his life, looked at him with a face wet with tears. Even though his head still hurt very much, and he was now very cold, Merlin could only feel love. Love and sadness.
They didn't even have to exchange words. Their eyes spoke for them. Arthur didn't know what the disease was exactly, but he knew it was serious. He knew it was fatal in most cases. He knew there wasn't much chance...
Merlin felt his heart clench. The time with Arthur felt precious, like it would never be the way it was now. And the fact that that might be the case made Arthur and Merlin fall into each other's arms, crying.
'I love you,' Merlin whispered. 'I love you so, so much...'
'I love you more,' Arthur sobbed.
'You can't'
'I can!'
'Not'
Arthur laughed.
'I am the king of Camelot, so-'
'I don't car-'
Arthur pressed his lips against the magician's so he couldn't finish his sentence. Merlin smiled through the tears, and kissed Arthur back. It was a loving, yet so painful kiss... Both men lay in each other's arms for a long time, until they finally fell asleep, neither knowing what to do, nor what was coming...

Chapter Text

The next morning Arthur woke up early. The sun had only just risen, but he hadn't been able to sleep well that night. He lowered his head, looking at the sleeping, sick man in his arms. Tears welled up and he tried to get the thoughts of life without Merlin out of his mind. He got up and tucked Merlin, who was still sleeping soundly, into the covers. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. A few moments later, Gaius, Gwaine, and Percival appeared in the doorway.
'Come with me, sire,' Gaius said softly. Arthur shook his head. He did want to know what the disease was, but he didn't want to leave Merlin alone.
'We'll look after him,' Percival and Gwaine said in unison.
Arthur took a deep breath, looked at his sleeping husband and nodded to Gaius.

'The disease is terrible,' Gaius said a moment later. They were walking through the castle's gardens. Gaius had already told Arthur a lot about the illness: what the symptoms were, that it was something you were born with, but the symptons do not appear until you are fully grown, and that it was one of the most dangerous illnesses he had known.
'Is it... Will he die?' Arthur asked haltingly. He didn't even know if he wanted to hear the answer. Gaius remained silent for a moment.
'There is a chance that he will survive,' he said softly, 'but the sickness is merciless. Very... Very few survive.'
Arthur swallowed. Tears welled up, and he did his best to swallow them back.
'If he... How long has he got left?'
'Three weeks, maybe four,' Gaius said softly. 'Through the days the patient will grow weaker and weaker until the decisive moment. If he... That moment will determine whether he gets to live or...'
The court physician took a shaky breath. Three weeks... Arthur continued to choke back tears, and Gaius wrapped his arms around him. They stood like that for a long time, both crying for the man they loved so much.
'Not all hope is lost,' Gaius finally said. 'Merlin is strong. And I... I will do everything in my power to heal him.'
Arthur nodded. They walked back to the castle together.

Although he was very cold, had a headache and was tired, Merlin felt better than the day before. He didn't know how long he had been asleep before Arthur's voice pulled him out of his dreams.
'Merlin.'
He opened his eyes and looked up.
'Hey, love,' Arthur stood at the edge of his bed, smiling. But Merlin knew him better than that. He sat up and took Arthur's hand.
Arthur couldn't hold it in anymore as he looked into Merlin's sweet, concerned blue eyes. Worried. About him. He flopped down on the bed as the tears that had been held in for too long broke free. Merlin threw his arms around him, and soon the two were locked in a tight embrace.
Arthur cried loudly. Merlin stroked his back and his hair, mumbling soothing words. Arthur hated himself. Merlin was sick, Arthur should be strong for him, not the other way around. But he couldn't stop it. He couldn't do it. He couldn't... He couldn't lose him. There was still so much they had to do... He couldn't imagine a world in which Merlin was no longer there.

The following weeks passed far too quickly. Every moment Arthur could spend with his husband was precious to him. He left the royal duties to Gwen, Lancelot and Leon, so he only had to do the few important tasks. He left the meetings and training to the others. He couldn't do it without his husband. He couldn't leave him. There were always times when he had to leave, even if it was just to relieve himself. He hated those moments. It felt like he was leaving a part of himself behind, and he couldn't stop thinking about the memories he and Merlin shared.

The days passed, and Arthur would not leave Merlin alone. He was with him every moment he could be. He hated the sickness. He hated that he was afraid of it. And he hated that there was nothing he could do to help Merlin. Although it felt like the world had lost its colors, the first days were okay; Merlin and Arthur talked and laughed about everything, they played games, cuddled, and sometimes Arthur carried his husband to the fields so they could watch training together. Even in the not so good moments, when Merlin couldn't stop throwing up, or was simply in too much pain to talk, Arthur was there for Merlin.
Arthur had asked Gaius to sleep in the nearest guest room so he could be there at urgent times. The court physician was there at every moment he could spare. The knights and Gwen took turns visiting, and in the afternoons when Merlin was feeling well, they all had lunch together in their room. Merlin didn't eat or drink much, as he usually puked it right back up. The only nourishment entering his body was Gaius' potions, which eased his pain.
The second week, Merlin's mother came to Camelot. She and Arthur had always gotten along very well, and Hunith was very kind to her sons, although she kept talking about his childhood, and how he once accidentally turned the annoying bartender into a pig. At times like these, Merlin would crawl under the covers ('Oh my gods I'm so embarrassed!') and Arthur couldn't stop laughing.
Soon the third week arrived, and Arthur saw that Merlin was growing weaker. The good days were increasingly rare, Merlin could no longer stand and spent more and more time sleeping. The man looked terribly ill; pale as a ghost, red circles around his eyes and thinner than ever.

Merlin woke up in the middle of the night. His head had never hurt like this before, and he felt extremely hot. Arthur, was the first thing he thought of. Where was he? He probably went to relieve himself, he thought, reassuring himself.
What if Merlin died? Who would take care of his king then? Who would protect him then? These were things he couldn't stop thinking about.

Arthur walked through the cold corridors of their castle. He hated the world. He hated everything. Everything except Merlin.
During the first few days of Merlin's sickness, he had found it so incredibly unfair. Hadn't his husband done enough? Hadn't he given all his strength? He had fulfilled his destiny. Why couldn't he be happy now? Shouldn't they finally be living their lifes now? Arthur wanted nothing more than a future with Merlin. Why did everything have to be taken away from them? A disease you were born with, he thought angrily. Was that the idea? Was Merlin born with magic so he could fulfill his destiny, and if he was no longer useful, born with a disease so he could die?
Arthur shook his head, as he always did when his thoughts went too far. He shouldn't think like that. He opened door to their chamber, illuminated by the moonlight, and saw Merlin looking up at him. Arthur saw there was something wrong, sprinted over and hugged his husband as Merlin burst into sobs.
Merlin had felt horrible the past few weeks but never this bad. He thought about the attack with the Dorocha, and about the time he had been poisoned. Even then he didn't feel as ill as he did now. He took a shuddering breath, focusing on Arthur, who was gently stroking his back. Suddenly he choked on something.
Merlin started coughing, but his breathing was too fast and choppy for him to keep up. Arthur startled, and hugged Merlin tightly to himself. Merlin jerked in pain but couldn't stop coughing. He took in ragged breaths. The faint, wet coughing sounds filled the room.
Arthur ruffled his fingers through Merlin's wild black hair, trying to sooth his husband as he went through his pain. Merlin jerked a few more times, and then he stopped moving.
'Merlin?'
Arthur's heart clenched as fear slowly took over him. He placed him on his lap. The warlock lay motionless.
'Merl... Gaius!'
Arthur shouted. His heart was pounding in his chest. Not yet... Not yet... Please... Merlin...
Gaius sprinted into the room in his gown.
A trickle of blood trickled down from the corner of Merlin's mouth. Gaius held Merlin upright, and laid two fingers on his neck, searching for a pulse.
'He's alive,' said the physician.
Arthur let out a breath.
But for how long? A voice in Arthur's head kept asking until he fell asleep with his legs and arms wrapped around Merlin.

Chapter Text

The week was difficult. Merlin was only awake for a few hours a day now, often shaking and jerking due to the pain. Still, there were good moments.

Halfway through the third week, Arthur entered the room. Merlin was still on the bed: he hadn't left it all week. Gaius and Hunith sat with him, and when they saw Arthur they smiled.
'He's awake,' Hunith said softly. Arthur's heart filled with joy. One more moment with him. They became increasingly precious, but Merlin would often wake up when he called him, and they would spend their last moments together. Arthur practically raced to the bed, but he felt the joy fade when he saw him. Merlin sat against the pillows. He didn't look good, not good at all. Nearly all the color had drained from his face, and he was covered in a layer of sweat. Still, he grinned widely when he saw Arthur.
'Hey love,' Arthur whispered.
'H-hey.'
Arthur lay down next to him, under the warm covers, and hugged Merlin to his chest.
'We'll leave you too,' Hunith said, and after placing a kiss on Merlin's cheek the two left. For a moment the warlock and king lay in each other's arms, comforting and loving each other. Suddenly Merlin laughed softly.
Arthur smiled.
'What?'
'R-remember the day we met?' his husband asked softly.
'I tried to kill you, and you cheated,' Arthur replied as he ruffled Merlin's hair.
'No... I played smart.'
Arthur laughed and looked down at the covers.
'I don't know what I'd do without you, Merlin,' he then whispered.
They were both silent for a moment, as the joy of their banter faded, and reality slapped them in their faces.
'Arthur...'
Merlin didn't know what to say. The truth was: he didn't know what he would do without Arthur either. He just wanted to stay with him...
'I'm sorry,' he suddenly heard Arthur's voice say. Merlin straightened so he could look his husband in the eye. He saw that Arthur was close to crying. He took his face in his hands, stroked his cheeks and kissed his forehead.
'You have nothing to be sorry for.'
Arthur met his eyes, leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. It was a loving kiss, and yet filled with sadness.
'Arthur?' Merlin said after they separated.
'Yes?'
'I just wanted you to know... you're the best.'
Arthur smiled and hugged his husband tightly.
Not long afterwards, Merlin was lying on his chest, sleeping soundly.
'Hold on,' Arthur whispered. 'Please don't leave me...'

The days passed, and the defining moment could come at any time. Merlin could barely keep his eyes open for more than half an hour. Sometimes the man was laying so still that Arthur rushed to him to feel his heartbeat. Arthur had had a panic attack several times, but Gwen and Gaius were always there for him.
Luckily, Merlin kept waking up often when Arthur called his name and shook his shoulders. Then the magician comforted his king, not knowing what to say.
But more and more often he woke up in a haze of pain and sadness.

In the middle of the night at the beginning of the fourth week, Arthur woke up with a start. The first thing he did was looking at his husband, and to his surprise two bright eyes were staring back at him. Merlin was awake, and from the looks of it he was doing okay right now.
They said nothing for a moment. Then suddenly Arthur stood up, and lifted Merlin into his arms.
'A-Arthur... What are y-you doing?'
But Arthur just smiled at him and ran through the halls of the castle with his husband in his arms.
Merlin smiled too, looking at his knight.
'If you're t-trying to convince me I'm a girl, t-then it's not working.'
Arthur grinned but said nothing, he just ran on, to the far corners of the castle, up a spiral staircase, all the way to the roof, and then...
'Woah...' Merlin sighed.
'Yeah,' Arthur agreed. They were on the roof of one of the tallest towers in the castle, the bright stars shining over their heads.
'H-how come I didn't know this p-place existed?' Merlin asked.
'That might be because you're a dollophead who doesn't like to climb the stairs,' his husband replied, laughing.
'That... maybe,' Merlin said, but his husband's face made him smile. Arthur set Merlin down against the wall and sat next to him, wrapping his arms around him against the cold.
The stars shone beautifully, and it seemed as if they were doing their utmost for the magician and his king.
'Thank you,' Merlin said suddenly.
Arthur turned to look at Merlin, who looked beautiful in the starlight, even though he was sick.
'You too.'
The men looked at each other and let their eyes speak.
Suddenly, dozens of shooting stars fell from the sky. Merlin smiled widely at the sight, and Arthur smiled as his heart was filled with joy at the sight of that precious smile.
He brought his lips to Merlin's and kissed him under the light of the stars. Merlin brought his hands to Arthur's face and stroked his hair. Arthur grabbed him by the waist and soon the men paid no attention to anything but each other as they both silently made a wish.
'I love you,' Merlin whispered, breaking the kiss for a moment.
'I love you more.'
'You can't, clotpole.'

The next morning, after they had stayed up most of the night and finally Arthur had carried Merlin back to their room, Arthur woke up early. Merlin, on the other hand, was sleeping soundly.
'Merlin, love,' Arthur whispered, brushing the black hair from his pale face.
No reaction.
'Merlin,' Arthur said a little louder.
Still no response.
Arthur's heart began to beat faster.
'Merlin!'
He tried to shake him awake, but Merlin lay motionless. The circles around his eyes were now dark purple, and his breathing sounded rough and uneven. Tears streamed down Arthur's cheeks as he realized it. The decisive moment was near.

Chapter Text

Late in the evening, Gwen, Lancelot, Percival, Gwaine, Elyan, Leon, Hunith, and Gaius stood in a circle around the bed in which Merlin lay motionless. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed, not letting go of Merlin's hand. The man had not woken up all day, and now he lay there, weak and almost lifeless. His breathing was labored and ragged, and with every breath he took everyone feared it would be his last. Not many words were spoken. Some were crying, while others were comforting, hoping and giving up, fearing for their best friend's life as they clung to that last bit of hope. Any moment now could be Merlin's last.
'Look,' Gwaine said hoarsely, nodding towards the open window. The rest followed his gaze to see what Gwaine had meant. Gwen burst into sobs when she saw it: a hundred, maybe a thousand candles were shining below them. The people were saying goodbye to their king.
'He's not dead.' Arthur said.
They all turned to him. Gwen walked over to him and rested her hand on his shoulder.
'Arthur...'
'No!' Arthur shouted. 'He's not dead. They have given up hope, but they shouldn't. They... they can't. Merlin... I'm not... I'm giving up on him... I won't...'
Hunith let out a sob and embraced the king, as Arthur was crying loudly.
'Merlin...'
Everyone was crying now, staring at the sick, pale king. Staring at their best friend...
'I-I can't…' Gwaine ran out of the room, Percival sprinting after him. Leon, Elyan, Lancelot and Gwen also silently said goodbye to their best friend, after which they left the room.
Hunith and Gaius looked at each other, and decided. They both kissed Merlin on the forehead and left the room, crying and drowning in sorrow, so that Arthur could feel his mourning in silence.

Arthur stroked Merlin's cheek. He was cold. Tears fell on the bed.
'Merlin... Please...'
Merlin took another shaky breath, but didn't wake up. Arthur's heart clenched. No. No! NO!
'Merlin!' Tears flowed from his eyes.
'Merlin please... You cannot die...'
Arthur shook his head, biting his lip. He couldn't be dead... He couldn't be gone... He would never hear him laugh again... He would never hear him speak again... he would never see that beautiful starlight in his eyes again...
He rested his head on the body of the man he loved so much... Arthur took shuddering breaths, biting the sheets as he cried and kept calling out the name of the love of his life as it was the only thing his mind could think of.
Merlin... Merlin... He couldn't leave him... He couldn't die...
Memories of his smile, his words, his lips flooded him. Merlin had laughed when he had grabbed him from behind and lifted him up… Merlin hitting him with pillows… Merlin hugging him… Merlin putting a crown of flowers on his head… Merlin's beautiful eyes…
What if he didn't wake up... He wouldn't wake up. He wouldn't-
'NO!' Arthur was shouting now. 'Please! Please. Plea-' His words choked in his throat. He screamed loudly. And then he did it again. He kept shouting until his voice gave out. He kept crying until his throat hurt.
In his grief he did not notice the slight movement beneath him, nor the fact that the sound of labored breathing that was not its own had slowly disappeared.

Merlin took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and found his husband lying over him, sobbing. Because everything hurt and his brain was fuzzy, he didn't know what had happened, but he could feel Arthur's pain deep in his heart.
'H-hey,' he said softly. He placed his hand shakily on Arthur's arm. Vague memories washed over him.
His husband looked up.
'Mer…Merlin?'
Arthur looked at him with an expression on his face that he had never seen before. Broken, frightened, and yet overwhelmed with joy, but at the same time he looked like he was staring straight into the eyes of a ghost.

He was still there. He wasn't dead. Could this mean... Could he... Arthur sat up, lifted his weak husband onto his lap and took his face in his hands.
"Y-you're alive..." Arthur said with wide eyes.

Merlin laughed, weak, but bright. Something inside him told him something had changed. He still felt sick, but... Better. As if he had finally reached the top of the mountain, and instead of dying in the snow he was falling back down. ‘Is this… real?’ He heart Arthur ask, desperate and hopeful. Was his mind playing tricks with him? Or could it be…
‘I'm... better,' Merlin said hoarsely as he nodded, with tears in his eyes. The truth washed over him in far too big waves. Arthur laughed through his tears, he really believed it now, and hugged him like he had never done before.
'I love you! I love you so, so much! I love you!'
'I l-love you too, you clotpole,' his husband laughed.
'I thought I had lost you...'
Merlin was crying too, and the two hugged and cuddled like their lives depended on it.

After Merlin had fallen unconscious in Arthur's arms, but this time without a fear that he would not wake up again, Arthur called a guard and told him to get Gaius, tell him that Merlin was still alive and then spread the good news. When they saw the guard entering Gaius' quarters, the knights, Gwen, Hunith, and Gaius were surprised to see a smile on his face. Unless...

The knights and Gwen had never run so fast, Percival was carrying a laughing Gaius and Gwaine had Hunith in his arms so they could get there as quickly as possible too.
When they rushed into the room they burst into sobs at what they saw: Arthur smiling at them and Merlin, still alive. Even though he was unconscious, he was breathing normally and looked a little less pale than before. Still a little scared, they looked at Gaius, who examined Merlin, let out a breath more relieved than ever and nodded, covering his mouth with his hands.
'He's alive! He’s healed!'

When Merlin opened his eyes for the second time a few hours later, he was showered with kisses and hugs.
'Merlin!'
No one had ever felt as happy as they felt that evening, and yet this evening was far less precious than all the evenings of the past few weeks.
Only after Merlin had fallen asleep again on his husband's lap did the knights, Hunith, Gaius and Gwen leave the room. That night everyone slept amazingly, for the first time in a long time.

Chapter Text

The next day was one of the happiest days ever.
Arthur woke up early, and his heart was filled with joy when he saw his husband sleeping in his arms, alive and well. Better... Arthur felt tears in his eyes as he realized that Merlin's cheeks had regained some of their color, and that the circles around his eyes were now a light red.
'Merlin,' he whispered.
Merlin opened his eyes and smiled widely when he saw his lover.
'How are you feeling?' Arthur asked.
'Better!' Merlin laughed, wrapping his arms around Arthur. They laughed and hugged, and when they looked deep into each other's eyes, they pressed their lips together.
Arthur's heart was flooded with love, and joy. He felt Merlin's soft lips on his, and he kissed him long and hard. He ran his hands through Merlin's hair. He had thought he would never feel like this again. He had thought he would never feel Merlin's lips on his again. Tears slipped through his eyelids as he caressed and kissed his husband like he had never done before.
Merlin pulled away and stroked the tears from Arthur's cheeks.
'Hey... We'll stay together.'
Arthur laughed and cried even more at Merlin's words. He had said exactly what was the most important thing in the world to both of them. They would stay together. He took Merlin's face in his hands, so beautiful, so loving, so... magical. He kissed him everywhere he could kiss him, while Merlin laughed and pretended to find it was exaggerated.

That day, Merlin had thrown up one more time ('Ugh! If I do this one more time...') after which Arthur had lifted him into his arms, laughing.
In the afternoon they all had lunch together in their chambers. Merlin ate some strawberries, and a piece of Gwaine's home-baked apple pie, which was… unique.
Arthur couldn't help but smile every time he saw his husband eating real food instead of one of Gaius' potions.

The next day the two spent cuddling and talking in bed, as they had done on all the days when Merlin had felt good, but this time Merlin was much happier, as was Arthur. In the city, the people of Camelot were celebrating for days; their king, and their friend who always helped them with his beautiful magic, was still alive!
Arthur and Merlin couldn't stop laughing, they kissed, they caressed, they ate, they listened to Gwaine's stories, and laughed much more.

Three days after the decisive moment, Merlin was no longer nauseous, and he still had a little bit of a headache, but his temperature had dropped dramatically, and he felt so happy that he didn't care anymore.

That evening they were cuddling in bed, until Merlin suddenly sat up, a grin on his face.
'What?' Arthur asked curiously.
Merlin responded with a gesture.
He sat down at the edge of the bed and carefully placed his feet on the floor. Arthur now sat up too, ready to catch his husband if it went wrong, but... Merlin stood up, looked happily at his legs, which were firmly on the ground, turned to Arthur and laughed. Arthur soon joined in laughing, jumping out of bed and hugging the mage tightly.
'Aah! You're squeezing me to death!'
That made Arthur laugh, and he lifted his husband by his legs. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's shoulders, looking down at him with a smile.
'I'm so proud of you my love,' Arthur said with tears in his eyes.
Merlin sobbed-laughed, kissing Arthur from above.
'I couldn't have done it without you,' the warlock said, and they both knew this was about more than just getting up.
'I love you... for infinity.'
'I love you more.'

The fourth day after the decisive moment, Merlin woke up late. He felt great now, and he smiled. He pulled himself up and looked at his snoring king. Arthur had been plagued with nightmares for weeks, and Merlin felt even better when he realized that his king had slept straight through the night this night. He sat like that for a while, staring at the man he loved dearly, thanking the gods that he was here now, with him, in the light of the sun shining through the brown leaves of the trees.
Arthur opened his eyes to find his husband staring at him, smiling.
'Hey,' Merlin whispered.
'Hey,' Arthur said, stretching before sitting up as well. He grabbed his husband by the waist and pulled him onto his lap so that Merlin had his legs wrapped around Arthur's waist.
The men looked lovingly into each other's eyes. Arthur noticed that Merlin's eyes were completely bright, and his cheeks had returned to their original blush.
'Guess what?' Merlin whispered.
'What?' Arthur asked with a smile.
'I have never felt better,' Merlin said, grinning.
'Oh yeah?' Arthur said, pulling Merlin towards him so that their lips were almost touching. 'What about now?'
He kissed Merlin, and Merlin immediately kissed him back, smiling.
'Okay, okay, now I-'
But Arthur pulled him against him, so that they fell on the bed together, causing Merlin to yelp. Arthur rolled over so he was lying flat on top of Merlin.
'Oh my Góds, Arthur, you giant, muscle, idiot!'
Arthur laughed, rolling over as he kissed and kissed Merlin.
When Merlin heard the rain pattering against the window he pulled back and looked outside. He smiled broadly. Now Arthur saw it too. Merlin loved the rain, and they hadn't been outside for days. Arthur knew what he had to do.
He jumped out of bed, pulling Merlin with him. He briefly checked to see if Merlin was okay, if he could stand, if he wasn't-
Merlin dragged Arthur out of the room, laughing.
The servants were no longer even surprised when they saw their kings running through the halls laughing in their pajamas; instead, they greeted them cheerfully and smiled at their rulers.
The two flew through the courtyard and raced to the gardens, where Arthur grabbed Merlin around the waist and began tickling him.
'Ah! Arthur!' Merlin laughed.
The two were now completely soaked, and they fell into each other's arms laughing. Then they danced in the rain, happy and safe, and together for as long as they could be.