Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Taesan doesn’t like animals. 

More specifically, he doesn’t like pets. He doesn’t like having to care for something so small and vulnerable because caring for himself is already too hard to do every day. 

This is why he’d landed in the middle of some sketchy pet shop on some random avenue where his (overly) excited friend was searching for a hamster to replace his old one. His old one died from rolling down the stairs at record speed. Taesan would bet a few hundred dollars that Woonhak had actually stepped on it instead. 

“Hyung, you’d look so cool with like, a big ass snake or something around your neck.” Woonhak pointed toward one of the many tanks in which different snake species were encaged. Taesan would have agreed with him if he were listening to what he was saying. 

“What?” he chose to vocalize his absence in the new conversation. He honestly did not want to be there, especially since he had no interest in buying a pet, but Woonhak needs parental supervision. In a way, Woonhak is Taesan’s pet–but he’s a human and doesn’t listen when you tell him to do anything. 

“I said you’d look good with a snake around your neck. Like a villain, some mischievous shit like that.” Woonhak smirked at the thought, probably envisioning Taesan as the lead antagonist of a film that ran in his head and his head only. “You’re not getting tired of being here, are you?” Woonhak’s demeanor changed suddenly, something that always happened no matter who Taesan was hanging out with. 

That was just the way he was. Showing little to no emotion especially when there was no reason to insert any. He was okay now, at least he’d hoped so. 

Still, the worry remained. 

“I’m fine,” Taesan replied, almost too harshly. “I haven’t… It hasn’t happened for a year. It won’t happen again.” Finding the uncomfortable shift in their conversation to be his queue, Taesan moved away from Woonhak. Off to look at the snakes, or whatever animal Woonhak had mentioned in their stead. 

As he was traveling through the odd store, he felt a sense of comfort. Something about the fact that all these animals were just… in one room made him think hey, even though they’re probably wanting to die after being taken away from their families, at least they’re not suffering alone..? 

Shaking his head at the horrible analysis, Taesan moved away from the snakes. That was for a day when he felt like he could relish in the presence of a reptile as cool as a king cobra. 

He found himself in the fish section. Relatively calmer and less crowded than any other section of the store–the perfect place for Taesan to get lost in his thoughts again . 

He came across a certain tank holding a few fish that looked similar to each other. Must be the same species, or breed, or whatever. 

He read the label on the tank, stumbling a bit as the name was quite long and hard to pronounce. Once he finally got it off the tip of his tongue, he knew that the fishies he was looking at were Corydoras. 

“You’re probably the only person this year to have stared at the fish for longer than 3 seconds.” A low voice coming from behind Taesan almost scared him to the point of blacking out again. A warning would’ve been nice. What happened to “hi” or “hello”? 

Taesan turned around, albeit reluctantly, and was faced with a—as much as he didn’t want to admit it—beautiful man. He had long hair, at least in Taesan’s eyes and had warm eyes. Seeing as Taesan wasn’t stupid, he figured that the guy was the owner of the store. Leehan.  

“Sorry for scaring you,” he apologized quickly, just as Taesan thought he would. The Leehan man then reached over to the bottom of one of the shelves, taking out a half-filled bag of what Taesan assumed was fish food. That relieved him to some degree. Of course, he wasn’t stalking you . 

“It’s okay,” Taesan whispered, unsure of how to progress with the interaction. He chose to stay silent, watching as Leehan tipped just the right amount of fish food into each container with tremendous care.

He was sure that it was just because he was watching a majestic man do it, but feeding a fish food every day didn’t seem so bad. Suddenly, a pet sounded like something Taesan aspired to have. 

Before he could conclude that for sure in his head, Leehan was putting the now quarter-filled bag back under the shelf and making his way out of the aisle. Before he could do so, Taesan opened his mouth and spoke in probably the loudest volume he could emit. 

“W-wait!” he called, hand dangerously close to grabbing onto Leehan man’s wrist. “I have a… a question about…” Taesan turned back to the shelf, squinting his eyes to try and pronounce the name before Leehan man left. 

“About Corydoras?” Leehan’s already grinning face advanced to a full beam, all of his attention on Taesan as though he were the only person in the world who mattered. “Ask away! I have some of my own.” hearing that relieved Taesan because he didn’t want to ask someone who knew nothing. 

“Are they… uhm, easy to take care of? I don’t… I don’t particularly enjoy having to have my eye on a pet all day, every day. The.. co… ry… doras… are cute, I think.” Taesan spoke slowly, not wanting to fumble up somehow and embarrass himself in front of the Corydoras Expert. 

Leehan let out a hearty chuckle at Taesan’s pathetic attempt to say the name of the fish. Still, he walked over to the tank that Taesan had been eyeing and dragged the latter along with him. 

“Corydoras are relatively easy to care for. Fish in general are pretty easy to maintain. Some are more high maintenance than others, but I can help you find some that aren’t much of a hassle to take in.” Leehan’s explanation was going in through one ear and out the other without processing in Taesan’s mind. 

“I—“ Taesan fumbled, suddenly losing his ability to articulate any words when Leehan’s gaze flickered onto him. “…Can I… have one…?” Taesan wasn’t too good with the pet-buyer lingo. He sure hoped that’s what you were supposed to say. 

“Of course! We have everything from tanks, food, supplies, decoration, and, of course, the fish here!” Leehan grinned, gesturing to different areas of the store. Taesan assumed that was some marketing scheme, but he wasn’t going to deny that he’d be buying everything from Leehan’s Pet Shop and Leehan’s Pet Shop only. 

“I…” Taesan began, immediately regretting even opening his mouth when he’d forgotten everything he wanted to say. It came back to him in bits, but speaking was relatively hard for him. “I’m… I don’t have much, uhm, money, so…” he whispered, almost too embarrassed to say it out loud. Though, “out loud” wouldn’t be much louder than a whisper either. 

“It’s okay! I try not to feed on people’s wallets, and I certainly don’t want to feed on yours.” Leehan shook his head, making an x shape with his hands. “How ‘bout a discount?” he proposed, gaining the attention of Taesan who’d never expected such treatment from a stranger. 

“Really..?” he murmured, stars in his eyes. “Is that— are you allowed to do that?” Taesan’s eyes flickered beyond Leehan’s frame, catching Woonhak staring. 

Woonhak gave him a thumbs up, probably because he’d managed to talk to someone other than him without needing his help, and scurried away. Sometimes, Taesan was glad that Woonhak was perpetually aware of his surroundings because he, for one, was not . 

“I’m my own boss, darling.” Leehan winked charismatically. That small action—along with the unexpected pet name—did something to Taesan’s heart. 

Usually, that would be a bad thing, but maybe he was getting better. 

—

“What’s your name?” Leehan asked Taesan as he was ringing him up, keeping a keen eye on the price so he could give him the best discount possible. 

“Han Dongmin,” Taesan responded lowly, quite uncomfortable with the thought of Leehan using his real name. Leehan must’ve noticed that something was up though, because he brought up his own tale about names soon after. 

“Y’know, my name isn’t even Leehan. It’s a family nickname. My other employees don’t go by their real names either,” Leehan pointed behind Taesan, urging him to turn around. He was met with a pink-haired male stocking the shelves with various brands of dog food. 

“That’s Sanghyeok, but his nametag says Riwoo.” Explained Leehan. “This could’ve been Riwoo & Leehan’s Pet Shop if the fucker weren’t so humble.” he snickered, unapologetic as he assumed this Riwoo character wouldn’t hear him. 

Taesan’s eyes lingered for a while, some foreign feeling in him. At first, he’d thought that Leehan had brought up the store on a whim. A pet store wasn’t common in their small town, so Taesan assumed the guy wanted to spark some change. 

Turns out he and Riwoo had been planning it since they were in their high school days. Taesan didn’t know Leehan like that. Hell, he didn’t even know his real name yet! 

Still, he wanted to know him like that. And it annoyed him that he was feeling possessive over something that was never and will never be his. 

“There’s also a girl who works here. Her name is Aeri, and she’s actually half-Japanese and half-Korean. We all call her Giselle since she adopted that name from her life in the States.” Leehan looked at Taesan as he informed him of Giselle. Taesan thought it was safe to presume that Giselle wasn’t working her shift at that time. 

“And Giselle’s girlfriend, Winter, started working here recently too. Her name’s Minjeong, but Giselle started calling her Winter since she’s,” Leehan cleared his throat to imitate Giselle’s words, “Quote-unquote, ‘As beautiful as winter.’” he let out a chuckle, drawing a belated one from Taesan’s lips too. 

That made Taesan feel better inside, though. He wasn’t even sure why he’d assumed that Leehan was gay at all. Riwoo was no competition yet. Giselle could have been competition if she and her, as Leehan had suggested, beautiful girlfriend weren’t already kicking it. 

“And me. My name is Donghyun.” Leehan finally revealed his own name amid a list of many. It refreshed Taesan to know that there were people like him, people who used a name other than their birth-assigned names for reasons other than what most people presume. 

Everyone assumed that he was a girl at some point, or that he was trying to become one. As much as he liked to admire things about girls—like their pretty hair, the nail ideas they come up with, or the clothes they wear—he was comfortable in his own skin on that account. 

The name Dongmin just didn’t ring right in his ears. It reminded him of things that he’d rather forget, and, frankly, the name Taesan came up on a whim. Woonhak was spewing some nonsense, tripped up on a word, and there it was—the birth of Taesan. 

“So,” Leehan—no, Donghyun broke Taesan out of his head. “Do you also have a family nickname? Or just a nickname?” he asked. He’d already bagged up all of Taesan’s items at that point. They were just standing at the register for the sake of speaking. Thank God nobody was behind them. 

“My friend calls me Taesan. I like it.” Taesan responded with brevity, his lips forming a thin line as he relished in the awkwardness of being unable to say anything more. 

“Okay,” Leehan nodded firmly, eyes flickering to the screen in front of him for barely a second before he pushed the bagged items in front of Taesan. “Your total is ₩75,000, Taesan.” 

Chapter Text

Bubble. 

Taesan decided to name his first pet, a literal fish, Bubble. 

He sits in front of Bubble’s tank—which he had gotten for way cheaper than what should be allowed—and stares at her as she swims around. In hindsight, a fish isn’t the most entertaining pet, but it sure did keep Taesan away from his wreck of a mind for a while. 

Sometimes Taesan wishes he were a fish. The only problem he would ever have was missing a meal and flopping over to his painless death. That was already a problem for him as a human, but at least it would be his only problem as a fish. Plus, the things could swim well. 

As he stares at Bubble, he starts regretting not taking note of the address of Leehan’s Pet Shop. He’d have to ask Woonhak or, even worse, scout for the store himself. He should have just asked for the majestic man’s number right then and there, but he froze up and could only muster short sounds of approval. 

Bubble is quite the swimmer, Taesan realizes. She hits every corner of her tank like the bouncing DVD logo. Taesan decides that though Bubble isn’t the most talkative animal–duh, she’s a fish!–she was enough to heal some part of himself. 

If that feeling was coming from Bubble or from Leehan motivating him to get her, Taesan would never know. 

— 

Taesan doesn’t tell Woonhak about Bubble and doesn’t ask him about Leehan’s Pet Shop either. 

He doesn’t want to come off as intrigued by the store because he knows that’d earn him an hour of endless questioning from the younger. He would rather do anything but have to come up with a respectable answer for every inquiry the boy had, so he depended on himself to find Leehan. 

Donghyun, Leehan… he alternated between the names in his head because unlike himself, Leehan was flexible. He could switch between the two names like day and night. Taesan could not. He would never return to day. 

Taesan shuffles, rooted in his spot as he weighs the pros and cons of walking right in. For one, Leehan may not even be working. Secondly, Leehan may not want to see him so suddenly. The only pro he can think of is getting to see the allegedly “beautiful as winter” employee who coined the name Winter. 

Taking in a deep breath, Taesan enters the store. He prays to whatever is up there that there will be someone he’s heard of in there, which is more possible than the sun rising in the morning because Leehan had given him a rundown of his employee list the day before. 

When he opens his eyes, he isn’t met by Leehan at the register, but a–if he’s being honest–gorgeous woman with blonde, medium-length hair. She’s humming some song that Taesan would probably recognize if his mind weren’t so clouded with thoughts of Leehan. She stops when she takes in the ringing of the jingle bells above the door. 

“Welcome to Leehan’s Pet Shop! If you need help, you can ask me or my g—” The stunning woman pauses her introduction before picking herself up quickly. “My good friend Giselle! She’s in the back, I think.” she trails off, pointing to the further end of the store. 

Speaking of the store, it was mostly empty save for the two employees—Winter and Giselle, Taesan assumes—and a boy whose headphones eliminate any chance of him hearing whatever’s happening around him. 

Taesan freezes at the woman’s words. He knows very well that she’s been trained to say that to every customer she sees, but he feels like those words were directed right at him . And for that reason, he refuses to move from the entrance, standing foolishly as he tries to form a sensible answer. 

Do I… I have to answer, right? She spoke to me so I should… Taesan’s thoughts go haywire as he looks down at the ground, completely unaware that Winter is looking right at him with an apprehensive expression on her face. 

But, how do I answer her? She… didn’t ask me a question or… Or do I have to ask one? Am I being rude..? Taesan’s eyes glance everywhere around the busy floor. At his shoes, at the wooden floor, at the carpet upon which he stands. Everywhere. He can’t think. 

“Excuse me, are you alright..?” Winter puts her hand on Taesan’s shoulder, looking up at him with care in her eyes. Though it wasn’t part of her job description, or at least Taesan hopes it isn’t, Winter was very good at recognizing when he was starting to lose it. 

“D–Donghyun…” Taesan manages to stutter out, finally lifting his gaze to look Winter in the eyes. She’s just as beautiful up close, but Leehan is beautiful-er… if that’s a word. 

“Donghyun?” Winter’s eyebrows furrow. It’s very obvious that she’s taken aback by what Taesan’s said. “You want to see Donghyun,” she concludes, her face dropping in realization. She scrambles to grab her phone out of the fanny pack placed on her hip. 

“He’s not working right now, but I’m sure he’ll come over urgently if he knows someone needs him,” Winter informs Taesan—who was too out of it to comprehend whatever she was saying—and rings up the infamous shop owner. “What’s your name, if you don’t mind me asking..?” she then asks.

Oh, great. Now Taesan actually has something to stress about. 

It’s just your name. But– but does she want my real name? Why is she asking? Is she going to… what is… what are her intentions? I…

“T-Taesan…” he mutters out breathlessly. He hadn’t ran, much less he had actually walked at the slowest pace possible on his journey there, but he was still akin to a marathon runner. 

“Ah, Taesan!” Winter smiles brightly, putting the phone up to her ear. Taesan’s breath hitches in his throat at her reaction, wondering what she was so excited about. “Donghyun was telling me and Giselle about you! He said you guys only met yesterday, but with the way he was rambling, it felt like much longer!” she elaborates, giving Taesan the biggest scare of his life.

Leehan? Talking about me? To– to his friends? Oh my gosh. 

Taesan chooses to not respond, fearing that he would accidentally vomit out something other than his uncontrollable thoughts if he were to do so much as open his mouth. He impatiently waits for the trilling of the call to die down, already wanting to hear Leehan’s muffled, static voice from Winter’s phone. 

It does not long after and Winter springs into conversation. 

“Donghyun-ah! Taesan’s here to see you.” Winter speaks with a tone that Taesan can’t quite decipher. He hopes she means well because he really doesn’t want to force himself to hate someone with a face as kind-looking as hers. 

“Taesan?” he hears faintly from the other line. He can barely make out what Leehan says after that, but he knows that it’s gotta be good because Winter grins mischievously right after. “...on my way…” is all he understands amid the silence.

“Okay, see you! And hurry,” Winter turned away from him for a moment, whispering something into the phone so silently that even Taesan couldn’t hear it despite standing right in front of her. He’s relieved when she turns back because she’s wearing that nice grin again. 

“He’s on his way.” her smile extends to her eyes. “And I’m Winter if you didn’t already know.” 

—

Taesan moves to the fish aisle after his short “talk” with Winter. He needs to calm himself down after the train wreck he almost got himself into. 

Taesan has a horrible time talking to anyone who isn’t Woonhak and, to be frank, Leehan is the only other person in his immediate mutual list who’s heard him talk for longer than 10 seconds at a time. That’s why he’s glad to hear the jingle bells above the entrance bang against one another, signaling the appearance of none other than The Leehan. 

“Winter?” he hears Leehan ask desperately and out of breath. “You called?” he sounds like he’s run a marathon, and maybe he has. Taesan liked to think that because it made him feel special, but what was there to feel special for? 

“In the back,” Winter is quick to respond, giving Leehan an affirmative smirk that Taesan is lucky to not see. “Good luck, lover boy!” she adds. Taesan pretends to not hear her and stuffs his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

Leehan is at the back of the store at record speed, peering through every aisle keenly to check for Taesan’s presence. It’s not until he reaches the fish aisle that he finds the boy, and it’s no surprise that the latter is gazing at a new species of fishies. 

“Back so soon?” the long-haired male questions coolly, acting as though he totally hasn’t just ran three blocks over to the store. He doesn’t wait for an answer before responding; “I’m glad. I was a bit down after realizing that I never got your number.” 

Taesan freezes even though he isn’t moving in the first place. More like his heart froze, as did his blood flow and his train of thought. It appears that Taesan isn’t the only one out of the two stressing over the lack of a phone number exchange. 

Taesan’s eyes remain on the encaged—or entanked?—fish that swim around their jail-esque home both freely and limitedly at once. He’s not sure what he should do or say in response to Leehan’s revelation and curses his body for doing what it thinks would be best—staying silent and not moving even a centimeter. 

“Say, why are you here? Not that I mind, of course, but I’m sure I gave you everything. Unless, of course, your…” Leehan pauses, “Bubble, was it? Unless Bubble needs some decoration for her home?” Taesan almost forgot that he’d told Leehan about the possible name. 

He wasn’t sure when the latter had found out that he actually named his fish that, but he also didn’t remember half of whatever he’d said to Leehan at all. For all he knew, he could have spewed out his full name, address, social security number, and the length of Woonhak’s left big toenail consecutively without knowing. 

“I don’t need anything…” he manages to say after a generous interval of silence. “I just… wanted to see you.” his voice lowers to a whisper, his hand going up to touch his opposite upper arm shyly. 

“Oh? What’s this?” Leehan smirks, chuckling heartily. It makes Taesan feel better about what he said, but he could never be so sure. “I’m happy to know that someone wants to see me. I wanted to see you too, Taesan.” he beams, stepping closer to observe the Fish of the Day. 

“I… Do you still want my number..?” Taesan asks meekly, looking over at Leehan whose gaze is already fixed on the multiple fish swimming together. Leehan’s lips turn upward as his eyes rest on Taesan’s face not long after. 

“If it’s alright with you.” Leehan, bless him, offers back. “I’d love to hear about how Bubble’s doing.” he reasons as though his request for Taesan’s number was weird in the first place. 

When Taesan nods affirmatively, Leehan fishes (no pun intended) for his phone in one of his many pockets. When he finds it, he hands it to the black-haired boy to type his number in. The whole process of calling and saving contacts happens, and when Leehan gets his phone back, he’s happy to see his recently called list has “Taesan!!!” in it. 

“That’s cute,” he quips with a chuckle. “Thanks, darling.” he attacks Taesan once more with that darn endearment.

Taesan tries to hide his blush by looking down at the ground but is forced to look up when Leehan’s camera is shoved in his face at an awkward angle. He’s sure that the guy is taking a picture for his contact photo, and he’s even more sure he’ll be done dirty with a 0.5 lens. 

Spooked by the proximity of the device, Taesan jumps back before Leehan can snap a photo. Leehan laughs wholeheartedly and steps closer. Taesan can’t help but break into a fit of laughter with how determined Leehan is to get that photo. 

“Stop, Leehan!” he giggles warmly, the sound foreign to even his own ears. Leehan would have stopped to admire how beautiful it was, but he wanted to capture the sight of Taesan smiling with his teeth out before it inevitably left. 

“Never!” he responds, clicking endlessly. He could produce a stop-motion film with the array of photos he’s taken. “Wow, Taesan. You’ve got a beautiful smile.” he lets out. He feels like the other needs to hear it. 

Taesan, who usually freezes when he receives compliments, beams even more. He feels so happy that he doesn’t have time to worry about useless doubts. Leehan feels happy too, happy that he could make Taesan smile like that when his face was void of emotion just a minute ago. 

“You’re—You’re touching my st–stomach!” Taesan squeals amid his laughter, growing breathless. “It— tickles!” he pants, doubling over to protect his poor torso from being attacked by Leehan’s monstrous hands. He’s forgotten all about the photos, just chasing Taesan around the aisle for the fun of it. 

“Ah, so my Taesan is ticklish, is he?” Leehan deviously questions, pocketing his phone swiftly to prioritize his ambush on Taesan’s stomach. He was sure that any other customers in the store would be mortified by the sounds coming from both of them, but Winter was good at distracting people. 

“I’m not yours!” Taesan whines, eyes shining from either joy or the lights inside the store. Leehan wants to interpret it the former way because it sounds more poetic. “I can’t breathe, stop!” Taesan flails his arms around. One would think that his words were mildly concerning, but the two of them knew when to stop. 

“Fine, fine!” Leehan decides to stop, seeing Taesan’s gaze go wonky as though he were drunk on laughter. “You got away this time.” he grins, a dimple popping up. 

As Taesan takes his time to recover from Leehan’s merciless invasion, the latter admires the black-haired male before him. When he met Taesan not even 24 hours ago, he noticed his unique attitude before everything else. But now that he’s uncovered most of his personality, or at least however much of it Taesan wants to reveal, he notices how gorgeous the guy is. 

“I wasn’t lying, you know.” he vocalizes, stepping back to take in Taesan’s now normal figure. “You really do have a beautiful smile.” 

—

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Chapter Text

Sitting in bed staring at his phone screen, Taesan is more than anxious. 

Leehan gave him his number less than 24 hours ago and he’s already gotten himself worked up about how to text him, if at all. He’s painfully aware that his brain is coaxing him into thinking that sending one “hey” would get him in far worse trouble than it really would. Still, he couldn’t help but believe his mind. 

Entangled around him is his fluffy blanket, and sitting on his desk is Bubble in her beautiful, round fish tank. The thought of talking to Bubble crossed his mind, but he’s already done that more times than he can count. Bubble was probably tired of his babbling. 

It’s already 11 and Taesan should be getting ready for work. Woonhak’s mother blessed him with the position of a cashier at her small coffee shop, and he more than willingly accepted the offer. He’d be working with his best friend anyway, so what was there to lose?

The fact of the matter is… Taesan is wasting his time on his own thoughts yet again. 

Or he was . He was wasting his time on his own thoughts until the ringing of his phone scared the living daylight out of him. 

Just what he was dreading—Leehan calling him. Was it possible that Leehan could see the bubble of his pending text pop up and then fade away as he deleted it? If so, Taesan is totally cooked . 

Biting the nail on his index finger, Taesan’s eyes linger on the green icon. Deciding that it would probably be very rude to not accept Leehan’s call, especially since he had the confidence to make the first move, Taesan accepts the incoming call. 

A few beats of silence beat either of them to a greeting, but Taesan knew that he wouldn’t be the first to say anything. 

“Hey,” Leehan voices. It’s almost as if he’s just realized that Taesan accepted the call. “how you doin’?” 

“Hi…” Taesan responds after some hesitating. “I’m okay. Uh, why are you calling?” he inquires, genuinely curious. He was sure Leehan wouldn’t need anything from him barely 24 hours after acquiring his number. 

“I’m doing good, thanks for asking.” Leehan sarcastically responds, poking fun at how Taesan didn’t ask him how he was doing. “Just kidding. I just wanted to say hey, you know?” he dismisses his previous words swiftly. 

Recovering from the embarrassment of completely disregarding how Leehan was doing, Taesan gulps and nods as if the guy could see him. 

“I see…” he mumbles, picking at his lips nervously. “Do you have work today?” 

“I do. You tryin’ to visit me?” the shop owner jokes, laughing at his own words. Taesan scrunches his nose at the thought. 

“I can’t, I have work too.” he turns down the idea seriously. Leehan makes an interested noise on the other line, seeming intrigued by the new information about Taesan’s life.

“Really? Where do you work?” 

“Nowhere too special. My friend’s mom’s coffee shop is all.” Taesan doesn’t feel like giving out too many details, but he’s sure there aren’t many shareable details to begin with. 

“That’s sweet. If I didn’t own a pet store, I’d probably be working at some cafe too.” Leehan relates. Taesan can hear him shifting around his bed on the other end. “Well, I’ll leave you to it, yeah? Wouldn’t want my Taesan to get in trouble at work.”

Is he flirting with me right now? Taesan gasps soundlessly at the thought. It’s very probable, but he doesn’t know enough about Leehan to tell if he’s sincere or if that’s just how he is sometimes.

“Okay.” Taesan is about to hit the button to end the call before a sudden and unexpected wave of gratitude hits him. “Thanks– uh, thanks for calling, Leehan.” 

“My pleasure. I’ll have you know that I’ll be doing this often from now on.” Leehan’s smirk can be heard through the way he enunciates his words. “See you later, Taesan.” With that, Leehan is the one to end the call. 

Meanwhile, Taesan is on the other end, staring at his phone as the words “See you later, Taesan” resonate through his head. 

—

Leehan’s dreading the call that he knows he’s bound to get in a few seconds. 

Calls with his father are never fun. No matter how short, they always manage to suck the life out of him and anyone else listening. It’s even worse when they’re right before a shift, but Leehan is lucky to have somewhat escaped that today because his shift is in the evening.

He can barely take in a deep breath of readiness before his phone is vibrating in his hand, the dull contact “Father” screaming at his face to “pick up the fucking phone,” as his old man would say. 

He picks up with no hesitation, wanting his few minutes of hell to be over with as soon as possible. The faster he got this over with, the faster he could relieve himself of any stress it caused by visiting Taesan at his workplace. Call him weird, but there are only so many family-owned coffee shops around the area—Leehan was able to narrow it down quite easily. 

“Donghyun.” The chilling voice of his father offroads his train of thought. “How are you?” he asks as if he even cares. 

“I’m doing great,” Leehan responds both sincerely and sarcastically at the same time. If his father were to ask why he’s feeling so great, Leehan would probably answer with something along the lines of “Taesan this, taesan that,” and end up sounding like an insane fanboy. Realizing that his father doesn’t care enough to ask, he retaliates the question and gets a similar response back. 

“I hope that little shop of yours isn’t doing too bad, huh?” There goes the waterfall. Once he starts, Leehan’s father simply cannot stop. There is not a single call that isn’t about his career, and Leehan honestly can’t understand it. 

“It’s doing splendidly, actually. Got a lot of customers these past few weeks.” 

Leehan places his phone in his car’s cupholder and gets his car out of park mode. He figures that since the conversation will be over as soon as it starts, he should get a head-start on his journey. 

“And you’re not too lonely or short-staffed, I’d assume?” his father jabs once more, trying desperately to get some negative response out of Leehan. 

“Sanghyeok’s been with me forever and two girls from his college are more than helpful. We’ve become our own little group and I’ve made my own friends too.” He refrains from displaying too much about Taesan because he knows his dad will start a separate rant about his sexuality. 

“You know, I don’t know why you hang with that ‘Sanghyeok’ so much. He’s been a horrible influence on you.” 

Leehan is almost 100% sure that the “horrible influence” that his father was referring to was Sanghyeok mentioning starting a pet store to him. After that point, his father had viewed Sanghyeok as no more than a setback. No matter how much he tried, Leehan couldn’t convince his old man that his friends weren’t trying to pull him into a trap of failure. 

“If he’s a horrible influence, then what are you?” Leehan snaps minutely, barely giving himself a chance to breathe before he retaliates once more. “You’re the one calling me to bring negativity into my moderately successful career. Not the other way ‘round.” 

“That’s bold. Very bold, Donghyun.” A rough voice replaces his father’s usually daunting tone. “You know damn well that if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have that useless shop at all! Your success is a direct result of my sponsorship.” he reinforces the idea as if Leehan hasn’t heard it one too many times before. 

“I never asked for your help.” Leehan turns the curb sharply, scaring himself with how roughly he was steering the wheel. He calms himself down internally, deciding that now was a good time to cut the conversation short. 

“If I’m excused from your nagging, I have a job to get to. I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to miss a shift no matter where on Earth it is, so goodbye, Father.” Leehan cuts the line himself, quite dangerously so considering he’s still handling the wheel as he puts his phone back into the cup holder. He’s glad to have gotten that out of his system, but the next call won’t come without repercussions. 

But he doesn’t care about that. He couldn’t care less about what his father thinks—why else would he have followed through with Riwoo’s bizarre yet totally spectacular idea of opening up a pet shop? Sure, it would be nice to have some parental support, however, he’s learned to not pay any attention to his father’s nagging any longer than necessary. 

Plus, in front of his eyes is one of the only family-owned coffee shops within a three-block radius of Leehan’s Pet Shop. He should walk into Taesan’s workplace with a bright smile and cheerful attitude on his face, shouldn’t he? 

Right, he should , and so he will.

— 

Imagining Taesan working as a cashier in a coffee shop is almost surprising to Leehan. After thorough speculation, Taesan did seem like the type of guy to work in someplace as chill as his attitude. 

Leehan’s currently sitting down in one of the booths. He’s sitting further away from the cash register to not draw attention to his presence. The shop is quite busy since many people are on their lunch breaks or are heading to work and Leehan doesn’t want to hold up the long line. 

After a few minutes, Leehan is shocked to see that the line is practically gone . The service at this place must be speedy, he concludes. 

He’s still deciding on what to order. He doesn’t want to walk in and not order anything, especially when everything on the menu looks insanely appetizing. He’s not sure why he hasn’t come here before, but he knows that he will be more often.

“M-my apologies, sir. We were a bit busy so I didn’t get to—” Leehan looks up to see why the person speaking to him had interrupted their own sentence but was face to face with the answer to his question. “Donghyun?” the waiter—ahem, Taesan —breathes out. 

“Taesan!” Leehan puts on a playful grin, looking up at Taesan from his seat. 

He’s wearing what any barista-esque worker would: A soft-colored apron over what seems to be merchandise from the shop. A hoodie, to be precise. He looks cute, that’s what Leehan thinks of it. 

“Sorry, I… don’t look my best right now…” Taesan murmurs as he plays around with his hair which, in Leehan’s eyes, looks nothing short of perfect. 

Leehan reaches up and politely swats Taesan’s hand away from his hair, putting the pieces that he had meddled with back where they were a few seconds ago. Taesan looks at him with a puzzled expression, wondering what the hell just happened. 

“You look great.” the pet shop owner smiles, nodding in approval of his revisions. “And what’s the worry? Trynna look your best for me, I see.” he teases, not letting Taesan’s apprehension slide.

“Am not! You’re the shady one here…” Leehan concludes that that was the loudest volume Taesan has ever spoken in around him. Minus the one time he was laughing his heart away—that was a core memory. 

“How so?” Leehan rests his head on the palm of his hand, looking up at Taesan inquisitively. He knows that he’s gotten Taesan flustered when the guy gives up and sits down in front of him, disregarding any means of work. 

“You found where I work. That’s… weird…” Taesan’s confident mannerisms dissipate just as soon as they appear. Leehan frowns slightly, feeling the loss even from across the table. Sometimes, he wonders what goes on in Taesan’s mind for him to be so stressed and quiet all the time (he’s known him for barely three days). 

“Not as weird as you coming back to my workplace just because you wanted to see me.” Leehan retaliates, catching Taesan off guard. 

The quiet male looks at Leehan weirdly before sighing and looking down at the table in front of him. Leehan wonders what happened to him to suddenly switch moods like that. 

“...Leehan?” Taesan whispers, not lifting his eyes off the table for reasons Leehan will never hear out loud. With a small hum, he encourages Taesan to continue speaking. “Do you go to university around here? Or at all?” 

“University?” Leehan repeats unintentionally, memories of the phone call he just had with his father coming back and hitting him like a freight train. “I don’t, no,” he answered with brevity. 

Taesan’s quietness shakes Leehan in all the wrong ways. Leehan doesn’t know it for sure, but both of them are relishing in the fear that they’ve accidentally offended the other. Giving the thought a chance, the shop owner decides to speak up first. 

“Is everything okay? Sorry for responding like that. Tough matter.” Leehan apologizes. He’s not really sure why he’s apologizing and, in all honesty, what for, but he feels like that would be the only appropriate response. 

“N-no, it’s not you.” Taesan looks up hastily, speaking with a shaky voice. “I’m… It’s nothing.” he backtracks suddenly. Leehan frowns for what seems to be the third time that day. 

“You can talk to me… about anything. I won’t respond if you don’t want me to. I won’t even look at you.” Leehan offers, wanting Taesan to find comfort and solace within him. “It would be good for you to tell someone about what’s going on. Even if I can’t relate or sympathize well enough, I can… I can listen. I can do that at least.” 

He’s known the guy for three days— hell, barely that! —but he wants to know him for the rest of his life. If this isn’t the first step, then Leehan isn’t sure what is. 

He notices how Taesan hesitates hearing his words. He then slowly loosens his previously stiff posture, breathing out a sigh of what Leehan hopes is relief simultaneously. Leehan waits for him to say something, anything. 

“I’m being dramatic,” Taesan says. It sounds like he’s speaking more to himself rather than to Leehan, so the guy doesn’t respond. “I… I’m just scared. For next week.” he continues slowly. 

Leehan takes some time to ponder what next week may be. As much as it may be a personal issue, he can’t help but remember Taesan asking him about university. Next week is the beginning of the fall semester for universities in their area, so it can only be that. 

“University, is it?” Leehan inquires. It’s almost rhetorical because Taesan’s expression gives away all there is to wonder. 

“I get anxious. Too anxious.” Taesan bites his lip almost instantly after letting those five words slip past his lips. Leehan pretends to not notice how he pinches his forearm tightly. “I’m sorry.” 

For what? Leehan is unsure.  

“Hyung! What are you doing? Your lunch break was like, an hour ago!” The two of them react differently to the new voice. Leehan raises an eyebrow and turns around to see who’s speaking to his friend while Taesan jumps quietly at the loud yell.

It’s Taesan’s friend. Leehan has no idea what his name is, but he saw him leaving the pet shop with Taesan the day that they first met. All he knows is that the guy is definitely younger than both of them if the “hyung” weren’t telling enough. 

It’s almost funny how this friend reacts cartoonishly to Leehan’s presence. He assumes it must be like that feeling of two crazy good shows colliding randomly. He’s sure Taesan’s friend wouldn’t have expected Leehan—one out of the two owners of Leehan’s Pet Shop—to be sitting inside his mother’s coffee store. 

“No way…” he can hear the young boy whisper. Leehan chuckles softly to himself, turning around to give Taesan a brighter smile. 

“Call me?” he mumbles, making a phone gesture with his hand to emphasize the request. Taesan, thank the Lord, smiles at the goofiness of his actions. 

“I will.” Taesan nods, starting to stand up at his friend’s request. Leehan can feel the life getting sucked out of both himself and Taesan as the space between them grows bigger and bigger. He needs to do something for both of them before they say their proper goodbyes. 

“Hey,” he calls out, grabs Taesan’s wrist, and pulls him in for a hug. 

He’s not sure what drove him to hug the guy out of every other thing he could have done, but once it happens, he knows that it was the right thing to do. The doubt that Taesan would feel uncomfortable was also erased by his arms awkwardly wrapping themselves around Leehan’s frame too. 

“Thank you for talking to me,” Taesan whispers. Leehan closes his eyes and smiles at his words. 

“Thank you for letting me listen,” he whispers back. 

Leehan doesn’t know why he likes the feeling of Taesan in his hold, but he knows that one thing is certain; the feeling will never go away, and he’s accidentally started something that he won’t be able to stop. 

Chapter Text

It’s only been three weeks since Taesan returned to university and he’s already excited for summer break. 

It’s not like he does anything during summer break other than rot in his bed. While everyone else his age was out enjoying their bright youth, he was stuck indoors (totally voluntarily, mind you) scrolling on his phone. What else would he be doing on his phone other than watching said people his age enjoying their bright youth ?

Point is, university is hell on Earth and Taesan is sure that whoever decided to send him to Seoul National University is plotting something against him. 

Everything has been irritating him lately. From his professors to his classmates, he’s been aggravated by every little sound. Every sensation rubbed him the wrong way both figuratively and literally. 

So, who does Taesan go to for comfort and solace? Surely it’s a human being with human thoughts and human emotions. 

Nope, it’s a fish. Bubble. That’s who he’s been talking to about life.

Ever since he got her, he’s been speaking to Bubble about his troubles, ranting about encounters with people who probably wouldn’t bat an eye at him if they were to cross paths again. He knew he was growing a sick attachment to the little thing, but he thought she understood him most. 

This is exactly why he’s sitting in front of the table he’s perched Bubble’s tank upon, speaking to her like she’s a human being with human thoughts and blah, blah, blah . 

“There’s a guy who I see in the hallway all the time. He’s always hitting on this one girl and I feel so bad for her.” Taesan whispers the last part as if the guy in question would hear him. “And I’m thinking, like… dude, she’s just not into you!” he softly shouts. 

Bubble obviously doesn’t respond with words. She just swims around in her tank. Taesan was considering buying a new tank for her because Leehan told him that fishies have distorted vision when placed in round tanks. 

Speaking of Leehan, Taesan has only talked to him one time within the last three weeks. He feels super bad because he knows Leehan is probably annoyed by his lack of interaction. Anyway, he learned a lot from the one phone call he and Leehan shared just two weeks ago. 

“I never put my fish in round tanks. It distorts our faces so we look scary to them. Plus, it kind of forces them to swim in circles all the time so they end up getting all moody.” Leehan spoke with intelligence. He would never know that Taesan was writing everything he was saying down on a notepad with utmost diligence. 

“Should I get a new tank for Bubble, then?” Taesan ended up asking after two seconds of silent consideration. Leehan made an interested noise before hastily mustering up an apology. 

“Ah, sorry! You can get whatever tank you want, but if you notice some changes in Bubble’s behavior, maybe that would be best.” Taesan could hear Leehan’s smile through the way he was speaking. He had that customer service smile on and Taesan knew it. Not that he was complaining, though. 

“It’s okay. I want to learn more. Bubble is my friend.” Taesan dismissed the apology, turning his head to look at Bubble who seemed to be asleep. “And you’re the expert, after all.” 

“Hey, don’t take my word for everything now. Maybe Bubble loves her tank. You just gotta keep an eye out y’know?” Leehan shuffled on the other line. 

Something Taesan noticed about Leehan was the way he talked. His Busan accent mixed with that raspy voice of his intrigued Taesan—entangled him in all the good ways. He would use slang words occasionally, some that Taesan didn’t understand but never questioned. 

He would also shorten his words, slurring them together as if he were drunk. Taesan found it so attractive. The only time he ever did that was when he was younger and he had no choice but to slur his words together. 

“Taesan, you there?” Taesan was kicked out of his thoughts by the voice he was so busy pondering about. “Getting tired? It is 12, after all.” 

The black-haired male’s eyes widened as he swiped down on his screen to confirm the time. 

Shit, it is 12. 12:06 AM, he cursed mentally. 

“I’m not tired. Tell me more about fishies.” 

Taesan could feel his eyes drooping in betrayal as soon as the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t let this one moment he had with Leehan go to waste. Online or offline, he made sure to cherish every second he had with Leehan because he was the only other human being he could trust. 

“Hah, okay.” Leehan breathily laughed, not expecting Taesan to want him to continue. “You should always make your fish feel loved. That’s a given—you did say Bubble is your friend right?” 

“Of course. I love her.” Taesan nodded, eyeing Bubble out of the corner of his eye admirably. “I talk to her sometimes. Is… Is that normal?” he whispered the last portion out of a mixture of confusion and self-consciousness. 

“As normal as talking to a dog or cat.” Leehan’s analogy made Taesan feel better about his habit. “But you shouldn’t rely on your fish too much. They always do things unexpectedly, one of those things being…” 

Taesan’s breath hitched in his throat. At that moment, he remembered that Bubble was a fish. An organism that had a lifespan. Bubble would have to die one day, whether he liked it or not, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that day to come. 

“...Well, you know. But you shouldn’t have to worry about that yet. As long as you keep her well-fed, happy, and in the right condition, she’ll be a happy little fishy.” Leehan quickly refuted his own words, noticing how silent Taesan went on the other line. 

“Yeah…” Taesan breathed out, the thought of an upside-down Bubble engraving itself in his head unapologetically. 

“Say, I should swing by sooner or later. I’m sure Bubble misses me too.” Leehan shifted the mood easily. Taesan’s breath now hitched for a different reason and a different thought was being inscribed in his mind. 

Leehan? Coming to my house? God, no! I would lose him in a heartbeat. My place is such a mess… 

“Maybe I should come to you…” Taesan proposed with an anxious chuckle. Based on the silence from the other end, he could tell that Leehan knew what he was thinking. 

“Hey, you know I would never judge you, right?” Leehan spoke softly, contrasting the bright tone he used just seconds before. “My house is probably just as bad as yours. If not, worse.” he laughed. The sound instantly made Taesan feel better. 

Shaking his head to snap out of the memory, Taesan looks back into Bubble’s googly eyes. 

“My professors make me angry. They always think I’m acting out when I’m doing nothing !” Taesan groans, rolling his eyes and resting his head next to Bubble’s tank. “But what can I do…” He blows his bangs out of his face to express his annoyance. 

Bubble blows a few bubbles from her mouth. Taesan is proud of himself for picking such a fitting name. Bubble loves bubbles and Taesan loves Bubble, the fish. 

“I should go to bed.” Taesan acknowledges the 11:43 PM plastered on his digital clock and sighs. “Thanks for listening to me again, Bubble.” He waves goodbye to his fish who, if he sees it correctly, quickly swims in a circle as a farewell. 

Taesan is very lucky to have Bubble. Actually, he’s very lucky to have met Leehan, because without him, he might still be ranting to the wall like he used to a year ago. 

— 

Taesan comes home in tears. On the brink of them, at least. 

He quite literally cannot take it any longer. What did he do over the summer to deserve such a harsh “welcome” back to university? Nothing, literally ! 

Taesan didn’t understand why he was yelled at for not finishing a slideshow when it wasn’t his responsibility in the first place. Sure, he didn’t communicate with his partner that effectively, but he made sure to get across that he would research so his lazy partner could do the easy stuff!

“So unfair,” he groans, dropping his backpack on the ground roughly. He hopes that he doesn’t still have his special lunchbox from Woonhak in there, because that will make him sob . 

He flops down on his bed almost lifelessly, finding no purpose in opening up his computer just to be faced with a virtual rendition of the same scolding. Taesan absolutely hates university and he doesn’t know why he decided to go at all. 

He has no idea who he wants to be. He’s sure that he has no purpose in this world, but he doesn’t want to let others see that. Maybe that’s why he put on this showy front. I got into SNU! was an impressive statement in itself. 

Sighing, Taesan slowly lifts himself from his bed so as not to trigger his iron deficiency. He’d been feeling quite faint ever since he’d gotten yelled at in front of an entire classroom of people. 

He gives Bubble a mere glance before noticing his change of clothes on the chair in front of her. He remembers that, as much as he didn’t want to change, he couldn’t sleep wearing uncomfortably baggy jeans. 

He digs through his pockets for his phone and throws it on his bed carelessly. It takes him barely three minutes to get changed into his pajamas and as soon as he knows it, he’s back on his bed again. 

Face down, Taesan exhales and inhales multiple times to try and reintegrate himself into the grotesque tragedy that was his life. It’s not until he gets five pings from his phone all at once that he considers lifting his face. He wasn’t planning on accidentally suffocating himself either, at least not yet. 

The guy checks his phone with blurry vision. It must be magic how his eyesight clears up and he suddenly feels as energetic as ever the second he sees Leehan’s contact photo in the corner of his eye. 

He swipes on one of the many notifications instantly, fingers already positioned to type a response. 

 

leehan C:

hey! 

how you doin?

we haven’t talked in a while so I was hoping we could chat a little, y’know?

only if you want, though

I know university is probably stressing you out 

Taesan stares at the clump of messages with stars in his eyes. Somehow Leehan telepathically assumed (correctly, at that) that university was making him its bitch. And he understood. Gave him the option to rest. 

But would Taesan do that? Pfft, with Leehan at stake? Not in a million years. 

me

hello

i think i could be better 

can you call me? i dont think i can even begin to type out my frustration

Taesan waits keenly for a response, hoping his request wasn’t too out there to the point where it would drive Leehan away. The unspoken truth that he simply wanted to hear Leehan’s comforting voice would remain in his heart until someone forced it out of him. 

leehan C:

of course 

I was going to ask if you wanted to call but I thought you’d be too busy to see my messages in the first place ^^ 

As soon as Taesan finishes reading the two messages, he gets an incoming call from Leehan. He accepts, obviously, and sits up properly so his elbows don’t start hurting from how he’d propped himself up on them. 

“Taesan!” Leehan enthusiastically begins. Taesan wishes he could return the emotion, but, as always, his negative emotions stick to him unforgivingly. 

“Hi, Leehan.” he settles for a less impactful greeting, a small grin adorning his face when Leehan so much as chuckles at the serious tone he’s got on. He’s getting scared of how every little thing Leehan does is moving him in a way. 

“I don’t have much going on in my life other than the occasional pet tantrum, so…” Leehan segues into his next sentence; “Spill. What’s got you so worked up?” he gets right to the point. Taesan’s glad. He doesn’t know if he can take any small talk right now. 

“University. It’s just… so annoying, you know? My classmates are all rude and obnoxious and never do their work. And who gets blamed for that?” Taesan pauses for a theatrical effect. “Right, me. Like, today I got yelled at in front of everyone because I didn’t do the part of a project that was never my part to begin with.” he sneers, the grip on his phone getting tighter as he tries to not cry right then and there. 

“And— and not to mention, none of my classmates even try talking to me. It’s not like I want them to anymore, but I tried to talk to some of them, but they all think I’m acting too nonchalant. I don’t get it—do they want me to be rude or something ?” his voice breaks, and it’s then that he realizes that tears are already dripping down his face. 

Leehan is quiet for a very long time. Well, it seems like a very long time to Taesan who is trying very hard to not let out a full-blown sob that would blow his cover. 

“...Taesan,” The seriousness in Leehan’s voice tells Taesan that his cover had been blown long ago. “Nothing is ever your fault. It’s not something you should be blamed for.” Those words alone send Taesan into hysterics. 

When has he ever heard those words from someone? Sure, Woonhak would say them in a heartbeat if he knew , but he doesn’t . 

Taesan has lived his entire life hearing the words “It’s your fault” and “You’re the one to blame” being thrown around like they held no meaning. 

How come Leehan, someone he’s known for just over a month, can mend at least one of the many wounds engraved in his core? What is this sensation and why does it take over his entire body both positively and negatively?

“Your classmates may be rude and they may not want to talk to you, but that doesn’t take away from how amazing of a person you are. Taesan, I know you in ways they don’t. I haven’t known you that long, but I’ve known you long enough to know that every second with you is worth it.” 

Taesan’s trying to find the mute button amid his tear-blinded vision. Alas, he gives up and gives in to his emotions. Leehan already knows he’s crying, or so he hopes (and doesn’t hope all at the same time). 

“And you’re not nonchalant. You don’t have to change yourself to fit others’ standards. If they don’t want you as you are, they won’t want you at all.” The truth is harsh and bitter, hard to swallow and ultimately searing hot to the touch, but Taesan knows he has to accept it. 

“You can’t be everyone’s friend. And that’s okay.” Is it really?

Taesan hopes Leehan means all of these words. He knows that Leehan won’t be able to fix every mishap in his life, but he hopes that Leehan can at least ease the pain. It’s working to some degree already. He’s not crying because he’s frustrated anymore—he’s crying because Leehan’s so kind. 

“Can you turn on your camera, Taesan? I want to see you. Or at least for you to look at me if that’s too much.” Oh, he’s so kind. 

Taesan turns his camera on. He’s so sure that he looks horrendous with tears cascading down his face and eyes so red he might as well be classified as high. He uses his hand to cover his eyes because he doesn’t think Leehan means that when he says that he wants to see him. 

“You can’t see me if you cover your eyes,” Leehan snickers softly. Not in a ridiculing way, but in an endeared way. “But it’s okay, I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” he moves on. 

Taesan nods frantically to show that he understands. He wipes his face with the hand that previously covered it and peeks at himself in the corner of the screen. He doesn’t look at bad as he thought he did, but not presentable enough to be in front of Leehan. 

“There’s that lovely face,” Leehan smiles. Taesan thinks it should be illegal for someone with a Grade A, model-esque face such as Leehan’s to say something like that to him. “Now, can you elaborate on why this makes you frustrated? Let’s work out your feelings, yeah?” 

Is he a pet shop owner or a full-time therapist? Taesan questions his friend’s occupation for the second time in this conversation. He seems too good at reading and sorting out emotions to just be a store owner. 

“I– I mean, who wouldn’t be frustrated if they got yelled at?” Taesan tries to be relatable hoping it would make him seem less weak, but it doesn’t do much for him. “I just hate being alone.” 

“You’re not alone when you’re with me, are you?” 

Leehan’s face makes Taesan feel like he has a thousand friends who all love him. Leehan’s presence makes him feel understood and he’s unsure why. The feeling of not knowing why things like that happened to him was akin to someone ripping his teeth out one by one with rusty pliers. 

“I’m n-not. I know that… But it’s different at university, I–” 

Taesan sucks in a deep breath to regain his composure, tripping over every sound that leaves his mouth. He puts his phone next to him on the bed, sick of seeing his pathetic face in the corner next to Leehan’s gorgeous one. 

“I feel like everything’s being weighed down on me at once. And it’s like nobody I know outside of university remembers I exist when I’m in there. Everyone looks at me but nobody talks to me and I just feel so judged and disgusting and like I’m a monster and I haven’t realized it yet.” He lets out his true thoughts all at once, praying that Leehan caught it all because he was not going to repeat it for his own sake. 

“Taesan, you’re not a monster.” 

I can’t believe you when you say that. 

“And you aren’t disgusting. You aren’t being judged.” 

I can’t believe that either. 

“You’re strong and I know you can handle this. This is just one of many things, yes, but you’ll get through it. You have me and you have your other friend.” Leehan pauses awkwardly, presumably searching his brain for the other friend in question’s name. “Hakwoon? Sorry, not too familiar with him.”

Taesan is so glad that Leehan has such good timing. Even when he makes mistakes, his comedic timing makes Taesan laugh. 

“So it’s not Hakwoon.” Leehan sighs on the other end, giving up on that idea to return to the topic of discussion. “Whoever it is, you have us and you can lean on us for support. You should never keep this to yourself even if you think you should. You’ll do something bad to yourself or someone else if you do.” 

Taesan breathes in and out a few times to stabilize himself, processing what Leehan has just said as he does so. He’s not wrong per se—it’s just that Taesan would never end up obeying that order because he always felt like a burden whenever he did. 

“And I know what you’re thinking, Taesan. You won’t be a burden to anyone but yourself by hiding your issues.” There goes Leehan the mind-reader, always reading people correctly even when their face isn’t visible. 

“...It’s hard.” Taesan settles on this as a meek response. He’s too overwhelmed to think of a bigger sentence that would match Leehan’s knowledge. 

“I know it is. But we’re here to help. I don’t go to university so I can’t quite relate to you on that account, but you know what that does mean?” Leehan waits a bit, wanting Taesan to try and answer. 

“...You aren’t as busy…?” Taesan replies quietly, wondering if he is somehow incorrect. It seemed like the only valid answer to Leehan’s seemingly rhetorical question. 

“Exactly. You can call me whenever you want. Hell, I’ll even respond at three in the morning if you call.” Leehan speaks softly, his offer so striking that Taesan cannot possibly accept it.

“I’ll never call you at three. I promise.” Taesan is quick to refute Leehan’s words. 

“Okay, you can call me at four then,” Leehan responds monotonously despite his humorous words. Taesan sighs and takes it, not wanting to potentially argue over it. 

They sit on the phone in silence for the next minute, each thinking about their own lives. Or so they think—Taesan is thinking all about Leehan and Leehan is thinking all about Taesan. There was no room in their little world to think about themselves. 

“I keep saying this, but… thank you, Leehan.” Taesan picks up the phone and slowly shows his face to the camera, afraid that he’ll somehow look different than how he remembers himself. Alas, he doesn’t, and he lets his phone remain in front of him. 

“It’s not an issue at all. I should be thanking you for trusting me enough to even say anything.” Leehan smiles at the sight of Taesan’s—luckily not tearful—face. “You should go to bed, though. It’s late.” 

Taesan’s eyes flicker up at the time and he gasps softly. He doesn’t remember it being midnight in the slightest. 

“Okay. I’ll go, then.” Taesan nods, looking into Leehan’s eyes. “Thanks again. And good night,” he waves to Leehan who does the same and ends the call after exchanging another farewell. 

Taesan drops his phone next to him as soon as the line is cut and flops backward. In a starfish position, he ponders the conversation he just had with Leehan. 

He is so extremely caring, yet carefree all at once. He always offers a hand to Taesan when he’s down and the university student can only pray that one day he’ll be able to do the same for Leehan. 

Behind his beautiful face is a beautiful heart, that’s how Taesan would summarize Leehan. He never questioned anything out of the ordinary and never thought twice about using his preferred name. He always asked about Bubble whenever he could and Taesan loved that so much. 

Taesan… loves… something about Leehan…?

“This is weird.” Taesan catches himself mid-thought, eyebrows furrowing as he realizes what he’s thinking. “I should go to bed…” he groans, sitting up and stretching. 

But sleeping on the thought will never make it go away. He knows that all too well. This thought and this feeling will remain no matter how much Taesan neglects it. He’ll just have to pray that Leehan feels the same. 

—

The weekend comes faster than Taesan expects. Though his conversation with Leehan was just last night, he's managed to get through Friday as though it were nothing. He wasn’t too keen on dwelling on that, though, because his luck never lasts that long.

He’s walking up the steps to his house when he gets a text from Woonhak. His brows furrow when he reads it, though, because Woonhak never asks him if he’s gotten home yet on a random Friday. 

Nonetheless, Taesan swipes the notification open and reads the other two messages that accompany it. 

woon! hak! 

are you home yet?

i heard it’s going to rain in 20 minutes 

do you at least have an umbrella?

Taesan stares at the message for so long that he forgets that he has to unlock his door to actually consider himself at home . He turns his phone off to do just that and steps in hastily, kicking off his shoes and sitting on the couch before opening the messages again. 

me 

i just got home 

and are you sure? i checked and it’s only raining tomorrow

i did have an umbrella though 

He waits for a response and sighs when he doesn’t get one instantly like he usually would. He throws his phone somewhere next to him carelessly before rushing to his room to change. His aunt isn’t home and he would like to enjoy his me-time while he still has it. 

Changing isn’t too hard of a task today and he’s happy because his favorite shirt finally dried fully. It’s nothing special, just has a cat on the front with other doodles. It just doesn’t make him feel like ripping his skin off, that’s all. He’s been waiting for the past two days to wear it, and now’s the perfect time. 

Anyway, he rushes to the living room to check if Woonhak has texted him back yet and is relieved to see that he has. With four whole messages, that is. 

woon! hak!

oh, okay! 

sorry haha

i was looking at tomorrow’s weather 

and that’s good. is she home? 

 

Taesan suppresses a smile when he sees Woonhak using she to refer to his aunt instead of plainly saying the title. He’s never told the younger to do that, but he guesses that the guy caught wind of how uncomfortable he would get whenever he did say “your aunt.” 

 

me

nope

lucky me

and it’s okay 

thanks for worrying about me 

 

woon! hak! 

hey, of course i’m gonna worry about you 

you’re my best friend 

unless you think that leehan man is -_- 

 

me

he’s my only other friend 

and he’s special too 

he’s got to be up there somehow

but you’re my best friend 

don’t worry 

Taesan is slightly concerned when Woonhak takes an insane amount of time (almost 15 whole minutes) to respond to that clump of messages. Maybe he’s said too much? No, he’s definitely said too much. 

woon! hak! 

yay! 

ok well

i unfortunately am employed

my mom is already yelling

bye bye 

Taesan blinks at the sudden farewell before typing up his own, just as short and abrupt as his best friend’s. He doesn’t think much of it until Leehan texts him right after. 

 

leehan C: 

is there someone at your university named Jaejun?

Okay, that’s weird. And random. And sudden? What the hell… Taesan’s mind does 50 loops before he can think of the words to respond with. A simple Yes would suffice—Leehan was asking a yes or no question after all. 

me

yes

i’m scared of him

why 

 

leehan C:

shit

well 

I was going to warn you of how much of a jerk he is 

unfortunately he’s already got to you 

 

me

he hasn’t done anything to me 

i’ve just heard things

 

leehan C: 

that’s as bad as it gets for the first few weeks 

and hey, who was your partner for the project? the lazy one

 

me

i forgot his surname 

yeojung or something

why 

 

leehan C:

oh my god 

 

me

??

 

leehan C: 

that’s his best friend

no wonder he was an ass to you 

birds of a feather flock together 

 

me

oh 

i’ll avoid them 

 

leehan C:

you can’t, I don’t think so at least

they know you exist now so 

even walking next to them will be bad 

 

me

i’ll be fine 

they can’t do anything 

 

leehan C:

let’s hope 

if they do, let me know 

just stay safe

 

me 

why are you so kind| 

why are you| 

wh| 

Taesan lets his fingers hover over the keyboard for a dramatically long amount of time. He sighs and responds with a quick “okay” before locking his phone screen. 

Realistically, he never does anything on the weekends. Usually, it’ll rain and he’ll just rot away under his covers. Even when it doesn’t, he’ll still do the same thing. The weekend is only a little bit more rewarding than any other day of the week because he doesn’t have to go to school. 

Now what? he ponders, looking around the empty house. 

He could make himself some food (he doesn’t know how to crack an egg) or he could clean his room (he struggles to find his left shoe every morning). 

Okay, he can’t do anything. He’ll admit it—he’s extremely lazy. 

But it’s not his fault. It’s not his fault that his parents up and left him and then made him move in with his always half-sober aunt. Never his fault. 

At least that’s what Woonhak tries to get him to think. Taesan knows it’s his fault and he’ll never think otherwise, but he’ll have to trust Woonhak even a little bit if he wants to live a long life. 

A ring at his doorbell shoots him out of his mind. His eyes widen to the size of saucers and he fears that his aunt may already be back. 

Okay, no. She wouldn’t ring the doorbell unless she were crazy drunk. It’s only four. 

Breathing deeply with every step, Taesan advances to the door with a small ounce of hope that his aunt won’t be on the other side. It’ll take everything in him not to open the door a crack and then slam it right in her face if she is. 

He peeks outside and is beyond shocked to see nobody standing outside at all. He’s never been ding-dong-ditched before, especially not in this neighborhood, so he’s extremely confused. 

It’s not until he looks down at the shabby welcome mat in front of him that he notices something out of the ordinary. It’s a box, tied with a nice ribbon and finished off with a bow on top. There’s also a note underneath the ribbon and Taesan can only hope that this person has the wrong address. 

He’s not one to receive love confessions nor is he one to give them out. The one time he did, he was ridiculed and never opened his mouth to a girl again. 

But anyway, he carefully leans over the box to read the label and is thoroughly puzzled when it reads the name of Woonhak’s mother’s shop. He swears he didn’t order anything, so what’s going on?

Woonhak was acting suspicious over text. Maybe this is his doing. Taesan hopes that his hypothesis is correct because he would flip out if someone completely random sent him something from his closest friend’s workplace. 

Though reluctantly, Taesan eventually picks up the box (which is quite heavy) and hauls it into the house. He grabs his phone on the way up the stairs to his bedroom—he doesn’t want his aunt to potentially notice the box and then get mad at him for wasting money on it (which he didn’t even do!)

As soon as he’s in the comfort of his own room, he throws his phone on his bed (he really has to stop doing that) and places the surprise box on his desk carefully. Taesan’s been eyeing the card tucked neatly under the ribbon for a while now and, honestly, he’s excited to read it. 

He grabs said card and sits down on his rolley chair, oblivious as to what is to come. 

To: Taesan

From: :) 

 

Dear Taesan, 

I hope this box of cookies cheers you up. Your friend, whose name is Woonhak as I’ve come to learn, told me that you (might) like cookies. I got you a few that I thought you’d like (including the one that you named!) because I know how hard these past few weeks have been. 

Don’t be so hard on yourself—have a cookie! (or two, or three, or four!)

 

Have an amazing rest of your day. Please know that I’m always here for you!

Give me a call ;)

 

Love,

Kim Leehan 

Taesan holds the note up close, reading it from every angle as if it will change the message inscribed on it.

“Leehan got me these…?” he whispers to himself, a smile growing on his face. He knew the guy was kind and generous and welcomed him with open arms, but he never expected to receive gifts like this from him. 

Not wasting any time, Taesan unravels the neat bow (one that he was sure Woonhak did not tie himself) and opens the lid to the big box delicately. When he views the many types of cookies spread within, he gasps.

“All of my favorites…” Taesan’s in awe at how good Leehan was at these things. He seems to know every little thing about him, more than Taesan knows about himself . 

The soft grin on his face extends to a bright, toothy smile. He hasn’t smiled like this in ages —the last time he did was when he and Leehan had that tickle fight in the fish aisle over a month ago. 

“Thank you, Kim Leehan,” he mumbles, his grateful beam unmoving. He knows Leehan can’t hear him and that he’ll have to type this out—no, say it to him over the phone later that night, but he can’t help but express his gratitude immediately. “Thank you for caring.” 

—

An hour ago… 

The bell to Woonhak’s mother’s coffee shop resonates throughout the cozy place as Leehan enters joyfully. The cashier at the moment, none other than Woonhak himself, looks up just as the former skips up to the counter. The bright grin on his face is remarkable. 

 “Oh? Leehan!” Woonhak points enthusiastically, jaw slack from the sudden appearance of the pet shop owner. “My life is just full of surprises…” he whispers to himself seconds later.

“I need your help. But you can’t tell Taesan about this.” 

Sure, the preface of those two sentences alone should have scared Woonhak into disagreeing and kicking the older guy out of his mother’s shop, but how could he? Leehan’s the only other person he’s ever seen Taesan talk to, and he’s sure it can’t be anything harmful or illegal! 

“Okay, what is it?” he urges, completely oblivious. 

“I need his address. Like, stat.” 

…Okaaayyyyyy… That’s a bit offputting. Even Woonhak is a bit skeptical. 

“What for? And what’s in it for me?” Woonhak knows exactly why, he just wanted to say that phrase at least once in his lifetime. Leehan wants to send something to Taesan’s house and Woonhak is the only guy who could possibly know where his house is—easy. 

“I think you already know why. And I’ll buy you like, pizza or something. What do you want?” Leehan shrugs, looking off to the side to come up with a better reward. 

“Pizza?! Count me in!” Woonhak will never deny his love for pizza. He’ll marry it someday. 

“Cool.” Leehan gives the younger a double thumbs-up before returning to his first order of business. “Now, address please!” 

“Hold on, hold on. Just what exactly do you want to send him?” Woonhak narrows his eyes, still a bit skeptical. It could be a glitter bomb or a box of live fish for all he knows. 

“I kinda wanted to ask you about that too. I was hoping you’d know since you’re like, his best friend for life, y’know?” Leehan mumbles the last bit for some odd reason. Woonhak doesn’t dwell on that and instead works on racking his brain for things that Taesan likes. 

“He’s never talked much about what foods he likes, but I’m sure he’ll like cookies. Everyone likes cookies, right?” Woonhak nods, proud of himself for coming up with something so quick.

“I hate cookies,” Leehan replies with a deadpan look on his face. Woonhak’s smile drops and he looks at the guy with an unimpressed expression. 

“Well, you’re not Taesan!” Woonhak quips with a devious smirk, already urging Leehan to look through their massive cookie catalog. 

“You’re right about that.” Leehan accepts the fact, looking behind Woonhak at the long list of cookies that the shop has to offer. “What the hell is ‘Shinchan’s Rainbow Blaster’?” 

“Oh! It’s our best-seller! You should definitely get it for Taesan. He came up with the name.” Woonhak winks weirdly. Leehan doesn’t pay any mind to it because at least the dude is helping him out. 

“Okay. I guess I’ll get a box of a dozen cookies.” Leehan takes out his wallet, reading the names of the other cookies as he does so. “Four of those Rainbow Blaster things, four Red Velvet Rockers, and… Do you guys do custom—”

“Four miscellaneous cookies with a special fish drawn on each coming right up!” Woonhak yells ecstatically, turning around swiftly to relay the order to his mother in the kitchen. Leehan is still in shock from his quick movements and is even more shocked when the youngster pauses and spins to say one last thing; “And for future reference, Taesan doesn’t like ice cream!” 

“Future reference…?” Leehan is confused for the three seconds that his brain refuses to register the sentence. After that, his eyes widen and he realizes that this may be coming off more romantic than he’d assumed.

Chapter Text

Truth be told, the past few weeks have been the best weeks of Taesan’s life to date. Perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but it is pretty darn accurate. 

Leehan’s cookies left Taesan with not just a full stomach, but a full heart as well. He got an insane boost of serotonin and confidence just from that silly little box and cute message. Leehan just really knows how to cheer him up, he supposes. 

His project went just fine. He decided to cut contact with his partner and do the rest himself, not caring too much about the fairness of it all. As long as he isn’t getting on anyone’s bad side—especially after what Leehan said—he is fine. 

His next conversation with Woonhak was awkward and quite funny. Taesan had to convince Woonhak that he wasn’t as mad as the guy initially thought—just a bit off-put by the fact that he allowed the whole delivery process to happen. 

Long story short, Taesan’s been feeling just peachy. 

Walking down the hallway with a soft smile on his face, Taesan is already excited to go home and text Leehan about his day. He managed to have a conversation with his teacher after class. That is progress for him, especially since he’s never spoken that much to anyone out of his short social range. 

Unfortunately for Taesan, his happiness is short-lived and withers away within the blink of an eye. Maybe he should have been focusing on where he was walking instead of what he would say to Leehan because he accidentally walks right into someone as he turns the corner. 

Shocked by the impact and unable to detect what the hell’s just happened, Taesan flinches and awaits further contact. When nothing happens, he opens his eyes and is mortified by who he sees. 

Jaejun . Taesan says in his head. And Yeojung . 

The universe must hate him. Severely. Detrimentally. 

“Are you mute or something?” Jaejun speaks up amid the awkward silence between the three. Taesan blinks up at him thrice, trying to figure out what he means by that. “Fucking apologize.” sneers the taller. 

Taesan can only gape at the guy with his mouth slightly open. Apologize? For what ? He accidentally bumped into the guy while turning the corner—so what? 

“F-for what?” Taesan whispers boldly. He knows he’s fucked up when Yeojung snickers and elbows Jaejun, albeit cautiously. 

“Jesus, is everyone at this school stupid or just dense?” Jaejun grabs Taesan by his arm and pulls him off to the side, Yeojung trailing behind him like a domesticated mut. “I said apologize . Doesn’t matter for what, just say sorry .” he spits. 

I didn’t even do anything. It’s not like I knew he was going to pop out of that corner. I’m not psychic. 

Taesan wants to let all of those words leave his mouth with just as much venom as he imagines. But they won’t. He can’t even open his mouth wide enough to utter so much as an apology. It’s wired shut by his own inhibitions. 

“Do you just ignore everyone that talks to you?” Yeojung scoffs from behind Jaejun, shoving the guy backward to get the dominant hand. “He said apologize. Why won’t you?”  

Even if Taesan wants to apologize, which he doesn’t, the words can’t be formulated in his head, let alone leave his mouth coherent. He stutters and murmurs sounds that the two in front of him can’t decipher. 

“What language is that?” Jaejun laughs momentarily before his face drops and he becomes serious once more. He seems offended now and Taesan is deathly afraid of what’s to come. 

I just want to go home. Taesan closes his eyes at the thought. I just wanted to talk to Leehan . 

“Hit him.” 

Taesan’s eyes shoot open, wide like saucers. He looks up at Jaejun like he’s some god and shakes his head instantly, growing more frantic as the guy approaches with his fist balled up. His veins extrude, almost threatening to pop out of his skin, and his knuckles already seem brazen even though he has yet to hit Taesan. 

“Please,” Taesan begs quietly. That’s as much as he can say before he’s hit right in the center of his face. 

He can feel the blood rushing down both of his nostrils. He hates the way that his blood drips faster than words can leave his mouth. Hates how his own humility is stopping him from calling out for somebody, anybody to help him. 

“Do you still not get it? God,” 

Yeojung rolls up his sleeves and hits Taesan where it hurts most—in the gut. The scar Taesan got from rollerblading a couple of years ago reignites with just as much pain as when he first got it. 

The pain rings through his ears and swirls around his head once, twice, even thrice before entering through the side of his head as another punch lands. By this point, Taesan is sure he’ll faint. The weight of his injuries and the immense beating of his heart might just land him in the hospital again. 

I’m a year clean. Taesan cries out in his head, begging his mental to keep him awake and just bear these injuries with a heavy heart. 

“I bet you’ll have a fun time at home trying to explain these bruises.” Jaejun gets some sick kick out of doing this to people. 

Taesan can’t let that thought get to his head. Can’t let it process because as soon as he hears the word home , he’s out cold. His heart practically stops beating and his eyes close. He lands on the ground with a thud. 

He was a year clean. 

—

Leehan’s on his break. He’s well aware that he’s literally the owner of Leehan’s Pet Shop, is his own boss, and can take a break or end his shift whenever he pleases, but he likes the sense of productivity and responsibility that comes with the job.

These past few weeks, Leehan has been motivated by Taesan’s daily texts. They’re short and sweet but give Leehan the boost of happiness that he needs. Even a simple “Today was a good day” from Taesan would bring a smile to his face. 

It’s already 4 P.M. and Taesan has yet to text Leehan. He obviously doesn’t mind because he knows Taesan has quite the commute home and his phone probably died mid-day. 

But it’s odd because the guy would have at least said something . He miraculously always has something to complain about. 

“Why the long face?” 

Leehan looks up from his last conversation with Taesan (which was last night at 11:45 P.M.) and is face-to-face with the other unspoken owner of the pet shop, Riwoo. He appears just as unbothered as he usually does. 

“No reason.” Leehan shrugs it off and looks back at his phone immediately. All the more to tell Riwoo that there definitely is a reason, one that Leehan doesn’t want to vocalize. 

“...Is it about Taesan?” Riwoo is cautious with his words. Ever the angel, he lets his normally stoic face morph into one of concern. “You know, I can sort of read you like a book at times.” He snickers softly when Leehan’s head snaps up to look at him, eyes wide. 

“Be grateful you can.” Leehan calms down after a few seconds and sighs, turning off his phone. “You wouldn’t get through to me otherwise.” He completely ignores whatever Riwoo had asked prior. 

“You don’t have to worry about Taesan. I know you guys are two peas in a pod, but he’s also his own individual. He can manage himself at times. I’m sure he would text you if he needed you.” Riwoo decides that there’s no use in waiting for Leehan to say the unspeakable and comforts him anyway. 

“I know. But, you know, he has trouble with that sometimes. I try to tell him but…” 

Leehan shakes his thought away and Riwoo doesn’t press him for more information. He knows that Leehan doesn’t want to share too much about Taesan without the latter knowing, and he resonates with the notion. 

“He’s going to be okay. Best case scenario, he messages you later tonight about why he couldn’t text you right now. He cares about you just as much as you care about him. He wouldn’t leave you hanging, even God knows that.” Riwoo gives Leehan his award-winning smile, the one that the brunette can’t resist. 

Luckily for Riwoo, he gets through to the brown-haired guy and manages to get a smile on his face once again. He always thinks that Leehan looks odd whenever he isn’t smiling 24/7, so he’s made it his goal to keep him happy for as long as he can. 

“Thanks, Riwoo.” Leehan grins, turning his phone face down so as to say that he won’t let it distract him for the rest of his shift. “Y’know, sometimes it seems like you know Taesan better than I know him.” He snorts. Riwoo gasps. 

“Never in a million years.” The pinkette shakes his head so fast that he fears he’ll end up with whiplash someday. “I probably don’t even know his surname. Park? Seo?”

“Not even close.” Leehan laughs at Riwoo’s horrible attempt at guessing Taesan’s last name. It reassures him about his bond with the aforementioned, though, so he’s fine with his mediocre skills.

“See, I don’t know him at all.” Riwoo shrugs, an oblivious look on his face. “If anyone knows Taesan, it’s you and that kid who came in last week and tried to feed one of the parrots a Cosmic Brownie. You’re doing great, Leehan. Don’t forget that.” He smiles once more, a small chuckle leaving his lips at the memory of him chasing out a high schooler for trying to feed the animals. 

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks.” Leehan rolls his eyes, but Riwoo knows that he’s grateful for what he said. 

And Riwoo does know Taesan’s surname. It’s Han. But that’s all he knows about Taesan, and Leehan doesn’t have to know that.

—

Taesan’s eyes shoot open as if he’s been drowning and just reached the surface. He feels mortified and, to be frank, he has no clue what’s happened within the past few hours. 

He looks to his side and sees a sight he had hoped would never face him again. An IV stabbed into his body and a bunch of wires and machines beeping in his ear.

He’s in the hospital again. After he promised Woonhak that he was getting better. 

The first thing running through his head is disappointment. He’s mad that he couldn’t keep his promise to Woonhak and he’s even more angered by the fact that he let this happen at all. He thought he figured out how to control it, but alas. 

Speaking of the younger, Woonhak is right next to Taesan. The latter only realizes that he’s there when he lifts his head and sees the giant guy struggling to sleep comfortably on the small guest couch. He would let out a chuckle if he weren’t experiencing intense emotional turmoil right now. 

“Woonhak-ah?” Taesan calls out. His first priority is to find out what the fuck happened and why . 

Woonhak shoots up from his previously sleeping position. It’s as if Taesan’s voice was his alarm clock in the morning. 

“Hyung!” 

Woonhak’s eyes are full of concern and gratitude at once. Taesan concludes that he must’ve been knocked out for a while if Woonhak’s so relieved. The setting sun outside of the hospital window speaks volumes too. 

“Hi,” Taesan says awkwardly, unsure of how to bring up his unfortunate situation even though it’s staring him right in the eye. “Uhm, what happened…?” he questions meekly. 

Woonhak gives Taesan a pitiful look and sits down on the stool closer to the ravenette’s bed. He has to clear his throat a couple of times before the words leave his mouth. 

“You fainted if it wasn’t obvious.” Woonhak gestures weakly toward the many machines surrounding Taesan. “And you were pretty badly injured from whatever happened. I heard from some people on your campus that you got into a fight or some argument. Do you remember anything?” he gushes out. Taesan starts to remember everything little by little. 

Yeojung and Jaejun. 

“I was walking in the hallway and accidentally ran into these two guys. I know them from a project and they weren’t too nice.” Taesan begins to explain with his hoarse voice. He winces and pauses his explanation when he sees Woonhak reach for a bottle of water to pass him. 

“How’d you end up like this?” Woonhak motions to Taesan’s rough face. Taesan’s not sure how he looks, but judging from the way that his lips hurt when he tries to take a sip of water, it must be bad. 

“They wanted me to apologize for walking into them. I froze up like I always do…” Taesan sighs, looking down at his lap after handing Woonhak the bottle again. Woonhak almost looks offended by Taesan’s words. 

“Hey! I thought we talked about this, hyung. You don’t have to feel ashamed. You can’t control this. Anyone would have frozen up if two weirdos forced them to apologize.” Taesan’s always grateful for Woonhak because he’s so kind . 

“I know. You say it all the time but it doesn’t make me sound any less inferior.” Taesan rests his back on his stack of pillows, finding himself too tired to sit up straight. 

“So, they got mad and hit you a bunch?” Woonhak, bless him, concludes the story for Taesan. Taesan nods wearily, suddenly feeling way more tired than he usually does. 

“Y-yeah…” His brows furrow as he tries to recenter his focus. His vision goes wonky again and he feels a sense of impending doom, one very similar to just a few hours ago. 

“The doctor said you’ll have to be in the hospital for a week,” Woonhak reveals. Taesan almost snaps awake and loses all fatigue at the news. 

“What? Why? I’m fine!” he snaps. Clearly, it was uncalled for because Woonhak flinches slightly. 

“Your arm,” Woonhak points to Taesan’s non-dominant side. Taesan’s face drops and he turns his head slowly, jaw going slack instantly. 

What the fuck? 

Taesan gapes at his bandaged arm in horror. Never in a million years would he have seen himself breaking bones at college . 

“I- I didn’t even realize…” Taesan tries lifting his arm only to feel a scream-worthy amount of pain shoot through it, all the way up to his shoulder. “Ow…” he whimpers. 

“Don’t move too much!” Woonhak almost jumps out of his seat at the sound of Taesan hurting. “The doctor said you have to rest as much as possible within this week. Otherwise, you might need to stay longer,” he speaks in a quieter tone. 

From the pain in his arm to the idea that he’s in the hospital after a year of being clean, Taesan is tired . Woonhak’s words register for barely a few moments before he’s out cold again.

—

 

Notifications  

 

leehan C: — 3 new messages at 6:33 P.M. 

taesan? 

hellloooo?

are you okay??

 

2 missed calls from leehan C: 

 

leehan C: — 2 new messages at 7:45 P.M. 

please text me when you get home, okay?

I really hope you’re doing okay, taesan

 

3 missed calls from leehan C:

 

leehan C: — 2 new messages at 8:00 P.M. 

my shift just ended, hope you’re home now

it’s raining, do you have an umbrella? 

 

leehan C: — 4 new messages at 12:56 A.M. 

I’ll stop messaging you after this one, but please 

tell me you’re okay if you can

I’m always here to talk when you’re ready, okay?

have a good night, taesan-ah 

Chapter Text

Taesan opens his eyes and finds himself in the same position as the past week; laying in a hospital bed, deeply uncomfortable with the way the sides seem to get closer and closer together. Woonhak’s been keeping him company the whole time, but he still feels more alone than ever before. 

He blinks away the burning sensation that comes from looking into the bright lights of the room and sits up. He’s gotten used to the feeling of being helpless and depending on others—something he sincerely hates. He hates having to ask Woonhak for water because he can’t reach for it with a broken arm. Hates having to ask the nurse to dim the lights or turn up the AC from time to time. 

It sucks depending on others. It’s as if you have power when, in reality, you only have that “power” because you’re inferior. 

Taesan is weak again and he hates the feeling just as much as he hates relishing in it. 

Shutting his eyes to somehow rid of the thoughts at his disposal, Taesan takes a deep breath and decides to start anew. He can hear the muffled voices of people outside his door and he yearns to know what or who they’re talking about. 

Woonhak’s not here. He’s probably one of the people talking. Taesan’s glad that all those punches to his head took everything but his intelligence. Or his common sense, whatever. 

Speak of the devil. Woonhak bursts through the door right as Taesan says his name in his head. He seems oddly happy for someone who’s been frowning the entire week. 

“Hyung! You’re awake already?!” Woonhak looks at the clock briefly before backtracking. “Oh. It’s noon. Okay, whatever!” He skips over to Taesan’s bedside and sits down hastily. Taesan winces at how Woonhak almost topples over on the stool and risks some injuries of his own. 

“What’s got you so happy?” Taesan almost smiles at the younger’s enthusiasm before the cut on his lip stops him. Even his body doesn’t want him to be happy, apparently. 

“Your doctor said you can leave, like, today! As long as you can stand up and at least bend your arm, you’re good!” Woonhak appears happier than Taesan feels. Yeah, he’s glad to be out of this prison again, but he just wants to get it over with already. 

To check out the hypothesis, Taesan bends his arm slowly at first and then picks up the pace when he figures out that he can in fact move it around. Woonhak gives him an encouraging grin and gestures for him to stand up next. 

Taesan does need some help getting off the bed—he’s used to just pushing himself off and landing on his two feet most of the time. Luckily, Woonhak gets the memo and rushes over to hold Taesan’s hand and pull him up. Princess treatment at its finest. 

“Thank you,” Taesan mutters and situates himself. The floor is cold and feels uncomfortable under Taesan’s bare feet. He’s not sure why he hasn’t asked for a pair of socks yet. 

“Feeling good?” Woonhak lets go of Taesan’s hand just to test the waters and beams with his teeth when Taesan can even take a couple of steps forward without stumbling. “Eek! You’re finally going to be out of here, hyung!” he squeals. 

At that, Taesan fights his injuries and lets a soft chuckle leave his lips. Woonhak’s always been the more enthusiastic of the two, even when it wasn’t something for him to be happy about himself. 

“Yeah, I feel normal.” Taesan nods and ignores the way he can feel his brain sloshing against his skull. Headaches are a common occurrence whether he faints or not, so it’s routine now. 

“Okay, cool. I’ll tell your doctor. I brought you some of my clothes because I was too scared to break into your house again.” Woonhak points somewhere near the couch where he’d usually be sleeping and completely skips over what information just left his mouth. 

“You— What?” Taesan stops everything and looks at Woonhak as if he’s admitted to murder. Which he kind of has. 

“Huh?” Woonhak gives Taesan an innocent smile. The ravenette sighs. 

“Break into my house? Again ?” Taesan emphasizes the idea of recurrence because he wasn’t made aware of the first time such a thing happened. 

“Just jokes, hyung.” Woonhak shrugs and puts on that high-teen grin of his. “To get your mind off things.” Taesan lets it slide this once. 

—

Walking home with Woonhak is something that hasn’t happened for a while. Usually, the two will separate ways when they reach Woonhak’s block (which is a good five blocks away from Taesan’s) but today is a special occasion. Plus, Taesan can’t call an ambulance himself if he faints again, so Woonhak has to be on standby. 

“It’s odd not having the university call for your absences. They really don’t care, huh?” Woonhak makes small talk as they walk side-by-side. His hands are in his pockets and he looks like the epitome of a still-in-high-school teen. 

“They’re more lenient, but it sucks sometimes. Like last week.” Taesan shrugs. He mirrors Woonhak’s behavior and shoves his hands into his hoodie pocket too, though with some difficulty because his left arm has a huge ass cast that makes it hard to fit through the small kangaroo pocket. 

“I miss it, though. Having my mom freak out from time to time because you weren’t at school.” 

When Taesan says that he and Woonhak are close, he means it. They’ve been friends since childhood. Since Taesan’s parents left the picture. Woonhak’s mother was oh so kind to act as a guardian for him, providing safety and food whenever his aunt couldn’t. It was nice. 

It got to the point where instead of his aunt, Woonhak’s mother’s name would be on information cards. The school would call her instead of his aunt. And Taesan was glad for that because God knows what his aunt would do if she ever found out that Taesan was skipping school as much as he did in his adolescent years. 

Soon, skipping school turned into missing it for real. Sometimes he could barely get up without stumbling and eventually blacking out. Sometimes, the atmosphere would suffocate him without anyone even laying a finger on him and he’d be out cold. 

Woonhak was there for it all. He is still here for it all. That’s why they’re walking together, and that’s why Taesan and him are so close. 

“I’m really grateful for you, Hak.” Taesan suddenly whispers, catching Woonhak off-guard. The younger guy almost stumbles on air and stops in his steps, looking at Taesan with a mix of happiness and shock on his face. 

“I’m— I’m grateful for you too, Taesan. I’m glad to have someone to look over even though I’m younger.” Woonhak calms down and continues walking, slightly jogging to catch up with Taesan. “I always wanted an older sibling. And then you came.” He grins. 

Taesan fights a smile but gives in after a couple of seconds. He hides it from Woonhak because he knows the guy will blabber about it for ages. 

On the topic of hiding things, Taesan usually never hides things from Woonhak. From his past crushes to his deepest regrets, Woonhak knew everything. He probably doesn’t remember anything of less importance than what he prioritizes, but Taesan doesn’t mind. 

The only thing Taesan’s hid from him so far is…

… Bubble. 

Taesan stops walking immediately. Woonhak takes a second to notice but turns around in an instant when he sees Taesan, pale-faced as if he’s about to go down again. 

“Hyung? What’s wrong?” Woonhak doesn’t bombard him with questions because, after years of fainting episodes, he knows that’s what Taesan hates the most. 

Taesan can’t focus on Woonhak’s questions, though. His throat tightens up and he can’t even imagine doing so much as opening his mouth because he fears he’ll puke. 

I haven’t fed Bubble. I haven’t changed her water. It’s been over a week. 

Taesan’s eyes search around his surroundings for something, anything that could lead him right to the answer. He wants to know that Bubble is alive. Wants to know that the slim possibility hit him and that he got lucky—he wants to know that Bubble is in fact as strong as he thinks she is. 

Woonhak waits a few seconds but eventually cracks under the face of silence. He cautiously walks up to Taesan and holds his shoulders to keep him steady. His eyes are still blown wide and he doesn’t even seem to be breathing anymore. 

“You have to breathe, Taesan,” Woonhak whispers, rubbing the guy’s shoulder comforting. Taesan does start breathing again, but with the breathing comes the realization. 

It dawns upon him that Bubble isn’t immortal nor is she eternal. 

Taesan crumbles. A wretched sob leaves his mouth. 

“T-Taesan?” Woonhak’s eyes go wide at the sight of his friend breaking down in his arms. It hasn’t happened for a while. 

Taesan can’t even form words to explain what’s going on. The only person who knew about Bubble was Leehan and he hasn’t messaged the guy for ages. He doesn’t even know his house address because Woonhak was the one who delivered the cookies that day, not Leehan. 

“W-We have to go to– to my house now !” Taesan screams and breathes in dangerously fast. Woonhak can barely keep up with him but springs into action and follows closely behind Taesan as he speed-walks the rest of the block.

“What’s going on, Tae?” To be frank, Woonhak is scared shitless. He’s never seen Taesan like this before, and he’s known him for practically a decade !

“My— I haven’t…” Taesan stops walking for a second to think back on everything. “No, no, she’s…” 

Woonhak gulps because he still doesn’t understand. He doesn’t question further and grabs Taesan’s castless arm. He makes a run for it and takes Taesan with him. 

They reach Taesan’s house in no time. Woonhak takes Taesan’s keys out of his hand after seeing him fumble with them for a couple of seconds and unlocks the door with ease. Taesan storms into the house and books it for his room. 

Woonhak follows him mindlessly, dying to know what’s wrong with his best friend. It’s only when he turns the corner and sees Taesan standing in his doorframe, not moving so much as a muscle , that he realizes what’s happening. 

With his height, he’s able to peek into Taesan’s room. And right there, on the ravenette’s desk, is the scene of the crime. 

A fish, upside down, completely still. It’s near the bottom of the tank. 

Taesan doesn’t even try to scream anymore. He just cries and walks toward the fish bowl. Woonhak is right behind him because God will Taesan faint if someone isn’t here. 

“Oh, Taesan…” Woonhak whispers, watching as the guy kneels to look at his dead fish with sorrow. “We didn’t know you had a pet…” He walks over slowly so as not to trigger Taesan and looks at the poor fish with sympathy. 

Taesan doesn’t respond to him. His tears say enough and Woonhak doesn’t push him to say anything more. He understands that this pet must have meant a lot to Taesan. 

“Bubble…” Taesan whimpers. Woonhak concludes that the beautiful fish’s name was Bubble. “I’m so sorry for leaving you, Bubble…” He claws at his desk, scraping off some of the paint. 

Eventually, Taesan drops down entirely and holds his head in his hands. This Is the worst Woonhak has ever seen his hyung, and it hurts him so much. He can’t imagine how Taesan must be feeling. 

Suddenly, it hits Woonhak. 

No wonder he’s been talking with Leehan so much. He had a pet. 

Woonhak feels over a hundred times worse and kneels to comfort his older friend. He almost feels guilty that he hadn’t known about the fish named Bubble for the past month and a half that Taesan had him. 

“Taesan, it’s not your fault.” Woonhak feels that he has to tell Taesan that verbally because he knows it’s all the guy is thinking right now. “Bubble doesn’t blame you. Please don’t blame yourself…” he whispers, tears of his own threatening to fall. 

“ No! It is my f-fault!” Taesan hits his head with his arm—the same one that’s been in a cast for the past week. Woonhak’s eyes widen and he shakes his head, but he doesn’t yell because he knows Taesan is extremely vulnerable and probably feeling overstimulated as is. 

“It’s not, Taesan…” 

A tear falls down Woonhak’s cheek silently. He quickly wipes it off so his best friend doesn’t think that that’s his fault too and, with the least amount of pressure ever, grabs Taesan’s forearm and brings his arm down from hitting himself again. 

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye. She— She died thinking I abandoned her! ” 

Woonhak can’t even say anything to that. He doesn’t get how Taesan is feeling. This is new for Taesan and him both. 

“She knows you care about her. She won’t blame you, ever. She won’t want you to blame yourself for something that isn’t your doing either, Taesannie.” Woonhak watches as another cry shivers through Taesan’s frame with fear and sorrow in his eyes.

“I don’t…” Taesan lifts his head from where it’s been resting on his arms. He looks at Woonhak with red eyes. “I don’t believe you.” 

—

Taesan didn’t sleep last night. He cried his eyes out as he watched Woonhak flush Bubble down the toilet because he almost threw up when he tried to do it himself. 

Woonhak was very reluctant to leave. He didn’t want Taesan to be in such a vulnerable state and risk having his aunt find him. Unfortunately, Taesan insisted that he leave because he felt bad for burdening the younger with his feelings. Woonhak left begging Taesan to answer when he called him at home. 

Now he’s just thoughtless. He can’t remember what he’s supposed to feel—sad? Angry at himself? Is he supposed to feel nothing at all?

Exactly what is grief? And why does he not know how to express it properly?

Sighing, Taesan turns over in his bed and stares at the empty spot on his desk where Bubble once swam around in her tank. He quickly grows angry at the Bubble-less sight and stands up too fast for his liking, almost instantly tumbling back down onto his bed. 

I’m going to replace her. Taesan decides impulsively. Internally, he wants to rip out his hair at the mere idea of putting another fish in Bubble's beloved spot, but he’s also scarily aware of how he may spiral if he doesn’t have something to lean on every bad day. 

He still hasn’t talked to Leehan. He’s been feeling like too much of a burden to everyone. But he does know that he’s going to end up seeing the guy later today when he picks up Bubble 2.0, so he might as well find something to talk about if the guy sparks up conversation. Something other than his busted lip, broken arm, and very puffy face. 

Taesan gets up and slips on his shoes effortlessly. He doesn’t bother to change out of Woonhak’s hoodie that he oh so kindly lent to him the other day. He feels just as disgusting as he imagines he looks but he can’t care enough to do anything about it. 

He’s lucky to not run into his aunt on the way out. She hasn’t been home for the past few days, but what would Taesan know? He hasn’t been home either. He just assumes so because she hasn’t called, or texted, or even acknowledged his absence at home anyway. 

Shaking the thought of the woman away, Taesan storms out of the house and walks the path that he’s been walking for a while now—straight to Leehan’s Pet Shop.

—

As usual, Leehan is at work. He’s roaming through the many aisles of products, scouting for anything that should be restocked, replaced, or removed. The only bad thing about being your own boss is having to manage the store yourself too. 

Riwoo is also in the store. He’s at the register and they’re going to switch places in just 15 minutes since the guy’s social battery drained a couple of hours ago. Leehan doesn’t mind—it just means more chillaxing for himself. 

The bells above the store door ring out a familiar tune and the sound of the door shutting follows soon after. Leehan walks out of the aisle he’s in, deeming his inspection of the store complete. He walks up to the front to give Riwoo the list of observations he’s made along his stroll when he sees something odd.

Riwoo looks quite shaken. Not scared, just concerned. And that’s out of place for someone who usually remains stoic even in the most heart-shaking moments. 

Leehan follows Riwoo’s gaze and almost drops his notepad when he sees Taesan walking past the register like it’s any other day. He almost feels paralyzed as he watches Taesan slowly approach the back of the store, donning a cast on his arm and a fat cut on his lower lip. 

Leehan’s head snaps to Riwoo who gives him a warning look and gestures toward Taesan’s descending frame harshly. Leehan gets the memo, throws the notepad at Riwoo (as respectfully as he can), and rushes over to where Taesan is headed. 

The fish aisle? I thought he said one fish was good enough. Leehan’s brows furrow but he follows Taesan nonetheless. He manages to catch up to him as he’s staring at the same species of fish that he always does—the corydoras. 

“...Taesan?” Leehan calls out, hoping he won’t scare the other on accident. Taesan barely spares him a glance and continues moving down the aisle to look at other species too. “Are you okay?” Leehan follows him. 

Taesan remains silent and puts his hand on one of the tanks, following the path of one of the more active fishies as it swims delightfully. Leehan doesn’t want to urge an answer out of him so he, too, remains quiet. 

“I’m fine,” Taesan responds suddenly. Leehan almost rolls his eyes at the expected answer. 

It’s so obvious that you’re not fine. He wants to say. He wants to say that so badly but he knows he can’t because then he won’t get a response out of Taesan at all. 

“Are you sure? What happened to your arm?” Leehan tries to divert the topic from Taesan’s feelings to his newfound injury. The other hadn’t texted him about any injury thus far. 

What am I kidding? He hasn’t texted me for the past week. Leehan frowns when Taesan looks down at his arm as if he’s forgotten about his own injury and sighs. 

“Nothing happened…” Taesan, ever the liar, dismisses his issues easily. “I’m fine,” he repeats. It’s as if he’s trying to coax himself into believing that thick lie, too. 

“Taesan, I’m not going to force an answer out of you, but it’s obvious that something happened.” Leehan approaches Taesan less cautiously this time. He barely notices how Taesan fidgets with the fingers of his free hand at the observation. 

“I-if you’re not going to force an answer out of me, why are you asking at all..?” Taesan mumbles, looking at Leehan’s shoes since he can’t quite meet his eyes. He’s nervous. Leehan can tell that from a mile away. 

What Leehan can’t tell is that Taesan is also getting frustrated. With nerves comes the idea that he’ll faint again—he doesn’t want to faint again. He’ll do anything to stop it. That’s where the anger comes in. 

“I just want to know that you’re okay, Taesan. You haven’t texted me for a week. You haven’t answered my calls, didn’t even tell me anything and now you’re showing up unannounced as if nothing’s happened. If you could just tell me what’s happening I–” 

“I said I’m fine !” Taesan yells as he shoves Leehan back harshly. His eyes widen almost instantaneously after he realizes what he’s just done and his face flashes in regret. 

Leehan, who also was starting to grow frustrated with Taesan’s oblivious act, also drops his expression. He doesn’t even register that Taesan’s just shoved him backward (with a lot of force, might he add) because he’s too focused on the guy’s face. 

Leehan’s gaze softens as he searches in Taesan’s eyes for anything that could tell him he’s okay. He gives up after a couple of seconds and simply watches Taesan, a slightly hurt look on his face now. 

“Taesan?” 

Taesan’s frozen expression cracks at the sound of his name leaving Leehan’s mouth and he breaks down immediately. Leehan opens his arms naturally and embraces Taesan who is now sobbing yet again. He doesn’t know why his Taesan is crying, but Leehan is sure that he needs comfort above anything else. 

“It’s okay, Taesan,” Leehan whispers, holding him tightly. He sure fucking hopes Riwoo is busting his ass off at that register because he can’t afford for some judgy eyes to see Taesan so vulnerable right now. 

“It’s—It’s not okay!” Taesan cries into Leehan’s shoulder, gripping onto the latter so tightly that his unkept nails might go through his skin entirely. “I’m s-so sorry, Leehan…” he whimpers quietly.

Leehan’s aware mind realizes that this isn’t a conversation they should have in the middle of a pet shop and he eyes the break room enticingly. Realizing that nobody else is inside since he and Riwoo are working full-time today, he rubs Taesan’s back and whispers something. 

“Come on, Taesan. Let’s get you into the break room so you can sit down, okay?” Leehan’s hand reaches the other’s hair and he pulls away slowly to ensure Taesan is on board. “You’re going to be okay, Taesan. I’m right here.” he coos. 

Taesan simply follows Leehan’s orders without saying a single word, sobs leaving his mouth at a definitely concerning rate. When he passes by the aisle to get to the break room, Leehan makes eye contact with Riwoo who gives the duo an apologetic look, signaling to his phone that he’s already called Winter for backup. Leehan thanks him silently. 

They enter the break room and Leehan situates Taesan on one of the loveseats. He then sits right next to him, a hand on his shoulder to tell him wordlessly that he’s still there. 

As soon as Leehan’s butt hits the chair, Taesan practically pounces onto him, seeking warmth in his embrace yet again. Leehan, despite being surprised, relaxes into the feeling and closes his eyes. 

“You’re okay. I’m here. You can tell me anything whenever you feel comfortable, okay?” Leehan keeps his voice low to not attract people outside and to form a sense of intimacy—Taesan should know that Leehan is, in fact, only speaking to him. 

“It– It was my fault. I… I killed her, Leehan!” Taesan does the exact opposite and screams out his confession. Leehan is quite taken aback by the choice of words but doesn’t jump to conclusions. 

“Nothing is your fault. Can you tell me what happened?” Leehan runs a hand through Taesan’s hair to calm him down. 

Whether Taesan actually killed an unsuspecting civilian or not, he does not know, but he’s willing to help the guy out with his feelings at the very least. 

“It’s all my f-fault… I wasn’t watching where I was going and— and I bumped into them and they hit me and I— I fainted again like I always fucking do —” 

“Woah, Taesan, can you slow down and breathe for me, please?” Leehan pulls away from the hug to make sure that Taesan’s actually respirating because, from how he just spoke, it doesn’t seem like it. Also, Leehan can’t keep up with the tornado of information speeding at him. 

Taesan looks at him with bloodshot, teary eyes. He breathes in and out twice before Leehan mutters a small ‘ Thank you, Taesan-ah, ’ and lets him continue. 

Now that Taesan’s calmed down just a wee bit—he says a wee bit because he’s definitely still sobbing his eyes out and breathing quite jaggedly—Leehan can ask for specifics. 

“Can I ask questions about what happened?” Leehan asks for consent first because he’s never gotten this personal with Taesan despite knowing him for over a month. When Taesan nods, Leehan jumps into his first inquiry. “When was this?” 

“A week ago,” Taesan whispers. Suddenly, something clicks in Leehan’s mind. 

No wonder he didn’t text me back. Or respond to my calls. Or do anything. 

“I– I was just trying to walk back and then I bumped into the— the people you told me about. Yeojung and Jaejun? Them…” Taesan explains further, much to Leehan’s pleasure. “I froze up and… they… hit me…?” Taesan tilts his head cause he can’t seem to remember that much either, apparently. 

Leehan’s eyes widen at the information. He knew he should have been more explicit when warning Taesan about those guys—but what could he do? It’s not like Taesan’s psychic and could tell he was going to bump into them. Leehan can’t blame him. 

“They hit you enough to send you to the hospital? Fucking…” Leehan is about to start cursing out the absent duo when Taesan shakes his head quickly. Leehan’s curiosity has been gauged. 

“I fainted.” Taesan starts, “I have a condition. But that’s not—” Though he tries to switch the topic, Leehan is quick to bounce back. 

“No, Taesan, tell me more, please? I want to know just in case something else happens.” Leehan’s not sure when his hand ended up on Taesan’s, but it must have been out of instinct. He just really wants to help the ravenette wherever he can. 

“Another time, please?” 

Taesan blinks up at Leehan, pleading with his eyes. Leehan won’t make Taesan say anything he doesn’t want to, so he nods wordlessly and urges him to continue with his anecdote. 

“I woke up in the hospital. Woonhak told me everything. They broke my arm…” Taesan lifts his broken arm for reference. Leehan grimaces. “And then… When I was walking home a week later, I– I realized…” Taesan bites his lip and stops talking. 

Leehan tries to fill in the gap himself. It’s only after a few seconds of critical thinking that Leehan finally gets it, and he looks at Taesan with an evenly melancholic look in his eyes. 

“Oh, Taesan…” he mutters, opening his arms for a hug if the other wants. Taesan accepts and just lets his body fall onto Leehan’s, not crying anymore. “I want you to know that it’s not your fault at all. None of this happened because of you.” He speaks loudly to make sure Taesan can hear him. 

“That’s what Woonhak said.” Taesan groans and nuzzles into the crook of Leehan’s neck. It tickles a bit and Leehan almost lets out a chuckle at the feeling but holds himself back due to the seriousness of the situation they’re in. 

“You should believe him. And I know you don’t want to believe it, but it’s the truth. Bubble knows you care about her deeply. You proved it to me when we spoke on the phone a couple of weeks ago, remember? How you were willing to change so many small things just to make her life better?”

Taesan is quiet as he considers Leehan’s words. Leehan just hopes that he isn’t coming up with a way to refute the ideas he’s bringing up. 

“Kinda.” Is all Taesan says. Leehan can’t help but snort at the brevity of his acceptance. 

“See? You’re an amazing pet owner. Don’t think otherwise, alright?” Leehan pats the ravenettes back and pulls away from their hug for what seems to be the millionth time today. Taesan nods silently, looking down at Leehan’s lap. 

“Thank you, Leehan,” he murmurs. Leehan doesn’t make a big deal of his gratitude even though he’s freaking out internally from being able to help. “I feel bad for being so emotional with Woonhak now.” he frowns. 

Leehan sighs and wipes the stray tears off Taesan’s face, muttering something about how he’s sure that Woonhak will be happier to know that Taesan’s alright now. 

Taesan accepts Leehan’s notion and thanks him again shyly. His tears are long gone—Leehan’s glad that he’s calm, but now he’s faced with a new adversity. 

So I’ll have to give those two a taste of their own medicine. Again. 

Chapter Text

Though he was very hesitant about it, Leehan ended up dropping Taesan off at his house that night. He could barely sleep without worrying about whether the other was okay or not, but the sun still rose despite his worries, signaling another day of work. 

And that is exactly how Leehan has managed to get Taesan behind the register with him. It’s only been a day and he’s sure Taesan is still shaken up by things, so he hopes that having a foreign responsibility and being able to talk to some people will help him out. 

“Giselle’s gonna be here soon, too. She’s been dying to meet you,” announces Leehan. His words are slightly muffled because he’s trying to open a candy bar with his teeth for some odd reason. “And Riwoo left his wallet here so I guess we’ll be seeing him too. Family reunion.” 

Internally, Taesan is quaking at the thought of having to talk to someone who isn’t Leehan. It’s even worse that there’ll be two people too. But these are Leehan’s friends, so he’s sure he’ll be fine. 

“Okay.” Taesan nods, watching as Leehan struggles for a couple more seconds before finally ripping the candy package open. “Thank you,” he murmurs with a soft smile, taking the now unwrapped chocolate from Leehan’s outstretched hand. 

“I’m so strong, aren’t I?” Leehan flexes his somewhat existent muscles jokingly and seems proud of himself when Taesan laughs. That’s what he’s planning on doing for the whole day anyway. 

“You had to use your teeth. That’s cheating.” Taesan bites into the candy with a grin. Leehan dismisses the acknowledgment of his quote-unquote cheating by rolling his eyes. “Why do you even sell candy at a pet shop?” 

“One word. Children.” Leehan groans as if he wouldn’t sacrifice the whole world to save his younger cousins. “And another word. You.” He then looks at Taesan knowingly, making the ravenette shove him lightheartedly. 

“At least I won’t faint around you, then.” Taesan jokes and Leehan simply stares at him because he’s not sure if he’s allowed to laugh, too. “I should probably explain that.” Luckily, Taesan seems to remember what went down the other day and offers to elaborate. 

“Yes, please. I was worried sick.” Leehan’s eyes follow Taesan’s mouth, watching as he sighs before taking another bite of the candy. 

“It’s not that serious. Just a low blood pressure thing.” Taesan starts off quite ignorant of his own condition. Leehan’s brows furrow. “It was worse when I was younger. I had to be homeschooled because I would faint way too often. Nowadays it’s just headaches and occasionally fainting.” 

“That’s still worrying, Taesan.” Leehan frowns and grabs the crumpled-up candy wrapper from Taesan’s hand to throw it out. “Do you go to the hospital often?” he asks as cautiously as possible. 

“Not by will.” Taesan fiddles with his fingers and Leehan takes that as him being uncomfortable with discussing hospitals. He moves on swiftly, not wanting to dwell upon the issue any longer than was necessary. 

“I see.” He responds understandingly. “You’re probably sick of people treating you as if you’re only your condition, so let me know if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll treat you just like I always have.” 

Taesan’s face immediately lights up at the offer. He gives Leehan a big, playful smile that the former hasn’t seen for a while. 

“And how’s that?” Taesan queries coyly, taking Leehan by surprise. The latter plays along and says something worthy of making the other faint. 

“With love, of course.” Taesan has to cover his mouth to pretend like the words don’t make him grin grandly. Leehan is proud of himself for making the other flustered.

Unfortunately for them, they can't act like helpless romantics any longer because the jingle bells atop the door chime and two people walk in together. They are chattering about something apparently very controversial because one of them is on the verge of yelling. 

“Who on Earth would willingly put pineapple on pizza, Giselle?” 

Taesan looks up and sees a short guy yelling at a slightly shorter girl with pink hair. He assumes the girl is Giselle and Santa’s helper elf is Riwoo. He doesn’t recognize the latter at first because his hair is now a nice ginger color instead of pink. 

“You’ll realize how good it is once your taste buds develop, Riwoo!” Giselle snaps back. Leehan groans at their childish argument before giving Taesan a look that suggests this happens regularly. 

“Maybe it’s you who doesn’t have developed taste buds. Pineapples are sweet and pizza is savory . Never mix the two worlds, Pinkie Pie!” Riwoo holds out his palm, deeming his argument done. Giselle scoffs instantly at the hypocritical nickname. 

“Oh, my bad, Rumpelstiltskin !” 

“Can we not argue at eleven in the morning?” Leehan calls out to the duo. They both freeze in their tracks, not even realizing that they’re in the middle of the store already. “Thank you.” 

Childishly, Giselle sticks her tongue out at Riwoo, taking Leehan’s interruption as her getting the last laugh. Riwoo rolls his eyes and they both walk toward the register, eyeing the unfamiliar face next to Leehan with curiosity. 

“This is Taesan,” Leehan nods his head toward the aforementioned. “He’ll be keeping us company today.” 

Taesan purses his lips awkwardly and stands as still as possible, clearly unsure of what to do or say. It’s not until Giselle gasps loudly and clasps her hands together that he feels like he can breathe again. 

“Oh! This is the Taesan you’re always talking about?” Giselle looks at Taesan in awe, suddenly feeling as though she knows every detail about him. Taesan, too, feels a bit more at ease. “I knew he was going to be a cutie since you took a liking to him, but not this cute!” 

Taesan’s face flushes instantly. More out of embarrassment than anything. He’s well aware that Giselle is dating Winter and that he himself is a raging homosexual, so he takes the compliment well. 

“Thank you…” he whispers. He gives Leehan a slightly panicked look but is instantly calmed down by the other’s charming smile. 

“So, how are you liking this job, Taesan?” Riwoo speaks up with a friendly grin. Taesan takes a while to register the question since he’s never had this much attention on him before but eventually manages to mutter a positive answer. 

“Leehan’s treating you well, right?” Giselle gives Leehan a warning glare, albeit playful, before returning to Taesan with a smile almost identical to Riwoo’s. Taesan’s sure he’ll melt right in his spot—exactly what does Leehan tell them about him?

“U-Uh… Yeah…” Taesan nods. Giselle laughs sweetly and Leehan follows suit. Riwoo is the only one who appears annoyed at their slightly childish behavior. 

“We’re your biggest fans, Taesan. Every time Leehan talks about you, we have a field day.” Riwoo reveals sincerely. Taesan genuinely believes he’s going to pass out and never wake up. 

“Hey! You’re over exaggerating, don’t you think?” Leehan also seems flustered by the exposure. Giselle and Riwoo shake their heads in sync and Taesan looks between the three with a mixture of fear, amazement, and appreciation. 

“Nuh-uh. Now, where’s my wallet?” Riwoo almost jumps over the countertop to find it. Leehan perks up at the mention of the lost item and goes to reach under the counter only for it to… 

…not be there? 

“Oh my days.” Leehan stares at the empty space below the counter where he swears he left the wallet. He’d been fighting the voices all day not to steal Riwoo’s money just for it to be gone anyway!

“Leehan, I’m going to shove my toes up your ass.” Riwoo deadpans. Taesan can’t help but snicker at his monotonous voice. 

“I swear it was right here, Riwoo! You know I haven’t stolen your money for months . Why would I now?!” Leehan panics, tucking his mid-length hair behind his ears as if getting a better view will make the wallet suddenly appear out of thin air. 

“That’s what they all say!” Riwoo throws his hands up into the air, completely defeated. All the while Taesan’s eyes dart back and forth between the two as they argue. 

I should probably hand him the wallet now.  

Truth be told, Taesan wanted to give Riwoo the wallet just to step out of his comfort zone for once. But he didn’t expect Leehan to freak out so quickly, so now he’s stuck trying to figure out the right time to slide it over the countertop. 

“No, I swear! I did not take your wallet—”

“Here,” Taesan’s soft voice cuts through the chaos. Giselle gasps at the sight and Riwoo almost floats into the air at the sight of his blue Pochacco wallet. Leehan bangs his head on the underside of the counter on the way up and is rubbing his head when he sees the thing. 

“And he’s responsible! Leehan, what a lucky man you are!” Giselle holds a hand to her heart solemnly. Leehan purposefully ignores her outright admission and focuses on Taesan’s slyness. 

“You had it this whole time?!” Leehan chuckles, half amazed and half relieved that he won’t be getting his ass beat by Riwoo later. Taesan nods for the nth time that day.

“I knew you’d never steal my money, Leehan-ah!” Riwoo switches up as if he isn’t halfway done with taking his shoes off so he can beat Leehan with them. “Thanks, Taesan.” 

“No problem…” Taesan offers the shorter guy a wonky smile. Giselle claps at the successful turnout of events. 

“Okay, well, now that I’ve avoided a theft charge, you should probably get changed.” Leehan directs his words at Giselle who hums in response, already halfway to the break room to change into her uniform. Riwoo doesn’t need to be told twice to leave because he’s about to open the door anyway. 

“See you whenever I see you, guys!” Riwoo waves at the two, his wallet secured in his tote bag. Taesan returns the farewell while Leehan stubbornly sulks at the idea that his best friend almost thought he was a thief. 

— 

It’s time to close the shop. They didn’t get too many visitors today, but they got enough for Leehan to stretch and say ‘ Ah, what a long day!’ by the end of things. 

“Could you turn off the lights in the back of the store? Giselle and I will wait here for you.” Leehan requests as he logs out of the computer at the counter. Taesan agrees and goes to complete his task while Giselle walks up to Leehan. 

“Long day, right?” Giselle takes off her lanyard and places it into her bag, taking out her phone to presumably text Winter. “Can’t wait to go home and cuddle the wife.” She sighs contently. Leehan chuckles. 

“Taesan made it bearable.” Leehan cracks his knuckles and searches for his bag while he talks. “I really hope he’ll start feeling better soon.” He exhales an elongated breath. Giselle hums understandingly. 

“I’m sure he will. You’re an amazing friend. He’s really lucky to have you, and vice versa.” She mumbles sincerely. Leehan is relieved to hear the words. “And hey, isn’t your bitch of a dad coming back to town soon?” 

Leehan stiffens up at the mention of his father. It’s no surprise that the brunette hates his ass, but that doesn’t mean Leehan isn’t a little scared of him from time to time.

“Yeah. Maybe I’ll ask Taesan to accompany me that day.” Leehan shrugs. Giselle looks up from her phone at the idea. 

“Are you sure? You should probably give Taesan a rundown of your history if you do,” she advises. “I know you’re not that scared of him anymore, but Taesan’s never met the guy. He might be shaken by how unsolicitedly unapologetic he can be.” 

“You’re right. I’ll let him know tomorrow. Thanks for that,” he snickers softly. Giselle gives him a thumbs-up and returns to her phone. 

Right then, Taesan comes back with a slightly sullen look on his face. Leehan is immediately worried, thinking something wrong happened within the 30 seconds that he was gone. 

“What’s wrong, Taesan-ah?” Leehan asks, taking Taesan’s hand in his. Giselle takes the hint and walks to the other side of the room to give the two their privacy. Leehan is sure she’s going to end up calling Winter anyway. 

“Nothing. I just walked past the fish aisle and thought of Bubble.” Taesan fiddles with Leehan’s fingers before letting go reluctantly. Leehan lets out a noise of understanding and doesn’t press any further. “I really miss her, Leehan.” 

“I know you do, Taesan.” Leehan pats Taesan’s shoulder for a few seconds before giving him an encouraging smile. “She’s always with you, y’know? Looking over you, watching your progress. I know you miss her, but I’m sure she’s ecstatically swimming in her fishbowl in heaven knowing that you’re smiling down here too.” 

Taesan bites back a smile but eventually lets go and grins brightly. Leehan surely knows how to make someone feel better. It must be encoded in his DNA because Taesan certainly can’t say the same about himself. 

“Thank you, Leehan,” he whispers. Leehan waves it off, muttering something about how Taesan shouldn’t thank him for anything. Taesan apologizes before thanking him again. 

“Do you think you can go home by yourself?” 

Leehan slings his backpack onto his shoulder as they walk toward Giselle who had since then moved outside the store. She’s on her phone, most definitely chatting it up with “the wifey.” 

“Yeah. I get out of university by this time anyway, so I’ll be fine.” Taesan opens the door for Leehan who ruffles his hair as an expression of gratitude. Taesan whines momentarily and struggles to fix the messed-up pieces. 

“Giselle!” Leehan calls out to the pinkette who’s now mindlessly tapping away at a game of Flappy Bird. Said pinkette looks up from her device and grins at the two lovebirds before her. 

“Lovebirds!” She calls back. Taesan’s smile drops for a few seconds but returns when he sees Leehan laugh it off. “I, unfortunately, decided to walk here, so I can’t drive you back.” Giselle’s words are then directed to Leehan who doesn’t seem all to disappointed by the turnout. 

“That’s fine. I’m not planning on going home right away anyway,” Leehan dismisses her guilt swiftly, instead intriguing both her and Taesan in the process. 

“Where are you going?” Taesan’s quiet voice protrudes the calm yet not total silence between the three. 

“Just the department store. I need to buy new slippers.” The words come out easily, almost as if rehearsed. Giselle and Taesan don’t seem to notice, nodding with interest instead. 

“I’ll get going, then. See you guys!” Giselle salutes playfully and walks to the crosswalk, only having to wait a couple of seconds before the light signals that it’s ready to cross. 

At her departure, Leehan turns to Taesan, expecting yet another farewell. 

“I’ll also go now. Thanks for—” Taesan almost thanks Leehan again but catches himself before all the words come out. He opts for a simple goodbye instead. “See you.” He, for some reason, bows slightly before heading off. 

“See you,” Leehan parrots. He makes sure Taesan has fully crossed the street before he starts his journey. 

His destination? Taesan’s university. 

—

Leehan’s father always wanted him to be around good people. To get experience in the real world, he would say, he’d need to talk to people who could help. More often than not, those people ended up being total assholes. 

Two prime examples would be Yeojung and Jaejun. Ordinary candidates for being Leehan’s best friends in his father’s eyes and ordinary candidates for being absolute dicks in the former’s. It was all a matter of reputation, at least for his father it was. 

A psychologist. That’s what his father is—was, that’s what his father was. And that’s why he’s so desperate . Leehan took up psychology all throughout high school, the trademark therapist for anyone who needed it. And he loved it, loved knowing he could help. 

But love turned into hatred because of his father. Instead of honing his knowledge and skills for the sake of making someone’s day even slightly better, he was expected to do it for money. That was where he drew the line and, coincidentally, that was when he met Riwoo. 

Of course, Jaejun and Yeojung took notice of how frequently Leehan would leave them to go hang out with the nerd of their graduating class. Eventually, they got so angry that they had a full-out brawl with Leehan. Leehan, equipped with loads of common sense and, until then, useless training from his cousins, managed to teach them to shut their mouths. 

Despite his attempts to shush them, the news didn’t pass Leehan’s father unheard of. Leehan got an earful every time he came home late from his part-time job—the one he took up so he could get enough money to start his own business with Riwoo. 

His father wasn’t too fond of the idea. But he wanted Leehan to make money one way or another, and if he wasn’t going to take the idealized route, what could he do but sponsor him? As long as his son didn’t make an embarrassment of him, his father was okay. 

And that’s how he got here today; owner of Leehan’s Pet Shop along with Riwoo who, unfortunately, didn’t want his name plastered on the front of a building. 

And now he’s hiding on the side of a shop right next to Taesan’s university, very much looking like a kidnapper. Thankfully, he looks just like any depressed university student with his backpack slung on one shoulder and his hood halfway up, so nobody stops him from doing his business.

Leehan didn’t really plan on catching Jaejun and Yeojung at the entrance of the university, but luck must be on his side because there they are, loitering about the front. 

Just gotta wait for them to pass by here . Leehan is sure his plan is fool-proof, but Jaejun and Yeojung are big-time fools to the point where even this may not get them. 

Luckily, they turn around and start walking toward Leehan who immediately plasters himself against the wall in the most natural, totally not suspicious way possible. He waits and waits and finally hears the footsteps grow loud enough for him to assume they’re right in front of the building he’s hiding next to. 

In the blink of an eye, Leehan grabs both of them by their collars and throws them into the almost pitch-black alleyway created by the two buildings they’re squished between. He has to pat down his hands because of how hard his grip was, but within seconds he’s staring at the two who’re wondering what hit them. 

“What the fuck, dude?” Jaejun spits, trying to catch the face of whoever just grabbed him and his best friend and threw them into an alley. “You afraid of getting caught? Or just ugly?” Somehow, he snickers. 

“Not at all, Jaejun.” Leehan is quick to pull his hoodie down and glare at the two beneath him. It’s almost as if he’s flipped a switch with the way their eyes widen. 

“Donghyun…?” Yeojung whispers, looking over at Jaejun in a panicked state. “W-What’s up, dude?” It’s not surprising that Yeojung is quick to appear friendly. He’s Jaejun’s lapdog in a way. 

“Not much,” Leehan gestures for them to stand up, which they both do without another question. “Just that you hurt someone I care about very much.” 

“What? …Who?” 

Yeojung gulps and his gaze shakes over to Jaejun. It’s like they’re racking their brains for anyone they’ve injured recently and Leehan almost slaps them right then and there for having to think about it at all. 

“Pfft, you mean Dongmin ?” Jaejun laughs, almost as if he finds it funny. “That was nothing—“ 

The sound of Taesan’s legal name makes Leehan’s blood boil. Sure, they’re just his university peers, they probably don’t know that he hates the name, but they were also his project partners at some point. He’s sure Taesan would introduce himself as who he is— Han Taesan. 

“Motherfucker,” Leehan cuts Jaejun off in the middle of his half-assed excuse and rolls up his sleeves expertly. He’s never been one to fight—he hates it, actually—but he can make exceptions when it comes to Taesan. 

“What’s there to be angry about? He bumped into us and didn’t apologize. How hard is it to be a little kind these days?” Jaejun looks around for approval of his excuse even though Leehan and Yeojung are the only other ones in the vicinity. “Dongmin had it coming.” 

It’s Taesan. Leehan’s sneers in his head. 

“It’s Taesan,”

With that, Leehan swings his arm right at Jaejun’s nose. It sends the guy staggering backward, pathetically at that. Yeojung’s pupils zip between Jaejun and Leehan, frightened. 

“Wha—“ Jaejun dares to try to question Leehan’s anger before getting another blow to his left cheek. 

“You hear me? Taesan ,” Leehan’s never heard or seen himself this angry. “You don’t know the first thing about him.” His voice doesn’t sound like honey any longer—it’s spikey, growling with fury. 

Leehan can’t stop himself from punching Jaejun again. 

And again. 

And again.

“ D-Donghyun! ” 

Yeojung’s usually stoic demeanor falters immediately when he sees blood. Whether it’s from Leehan’s battered knuckles or Jaejun’s bruised nose, he doesn’t seem to want to know.

Unfortunately, Yeojung’s cries fall deaf to Leehan’s rage-entranced ears and he gets a blow directed right at his bottom lip. His knees give out after just that and Leehan thinks he might break the guy if he does anything more. 

“I swear,” Leehan uses the underside of his hoodie to wipe the blood off his knuckles before continuing. “If you hurt Taesan… or anyone again for that matter…”

He doesn’t even have to finish his sentence for the two to get the memo. Jaejun looks up at Leehan hastily with a hand cupping his bleeding nose and nods frantically, afraid of what the other might do if he remains silent.

“Good talk.” And there goes that dopey grin of his. He waves goodbye like any sane person and turns to leave the scene of the crime, but not before saying something else; “Don’t tell anyone about this, will you?” 

Leehan smiles brightly and laughs his way off, hands tucked in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie as he hears Jaejun and Yeojung struggle to stand up behind him. 

It’ll be interesting trying to explain his bruised knuckles to Riwoo in the morning. 

Chapter Text

Riwoo is not happy to see Leehan walk in with bruised knuckles. 

He gets to interrogating straight away. Unfortunately for him, Leehan is a little asshole and only answers with, “Just helped some people pay back their debt.” 

“What debt do those people have with you to deserve a whole ass beating ?” Riwoo inspects Leehans wounds with tremendous interest and care. He’s less disturbed since Leehan didn’t get himself jumped this time, but is more or less startled by the bruising. 

“What can I say? They hurt someone I care about,” Leehan mumbles, picking up his phone with his free hand while Riwoo squints to get an even closer observation of the ripped skin. “I should probably wrap these up, shouldn’t I?” He puts his phone down after seemingly texting someone. Riwoo nods. 

“Yeah. Better to be safe than sorry.” The ginger-haired guy finally pulls away and stands up to get some wound disinfectant and hand wraps. Leehan silently thanks him, suddenly remembering how Taesan will literally freak out if he sees blood all over his knuckles. 

“I’m going to Taesan’s house later today,” shouts Leehan, garnering the attention of Riwoo and some random customer in the store. People have become accustomed to the occasional shouting and arguing of the employees, so it’s rare for anyone to turn their heads for longer than five seconds at loud noises. 

Riwoo sends Leehan a thumbs up and a genuine smile. Riwoo and Giselle had been the ones raving about Leehan and Taesan hanging out all of last night. Leehan isn’t sure if Taesan will be up for a surprise hangout, especially since he’s not sure if Taesan is aware that Leehan knows his address (thanks, Woonhak), but he’s fine with leaving the guy alone if he needs space, too.

The whole point is, other than spending time with his precious friend, to alert Taesan of Leehan’s father visiting the next day. Leehan wants Taesan to be there because his father expects there to be at least two other part-timers on duty alongside his son. Last time Leehan checked, only he and Riwoo are working tomorrow. 

Riwoo makes his way back to Leehan and slides all the stuff he’s brought from the back onto the counter. Leehan wastes no time in trying to open the disinfectant bottle, but Riwoo’s hand stops him from moving.

“Allow me.” Riwoo, ever the gentleman, slowly moves Leehans hand back to its resting position. Leehan simply raises an eyebrow and watches as Riwoo struggles to uncap the bottle for five seconds before eventually giving up and making the brunette do it for him. “Okay, that was just a mishap. I have to the wrap for you ‘cause I’m sure you’ll mess it up doing it with your left hand.” 

Leehan rolls his eyes and sits back, allowing Riwoo to do whatever the hell he was planning. Riwoo never went to medical school or even used a thermometer on someone other than himself in his life, so Leehan obviously trusts him 100%. 

“Why do we sell disinfectant and hand wraps?” Leehan suddenly realizes the weirdness of it. Riwoo shrugs, not seeming to fully process the question before answering it properly. 

“I got it from the break room.” 

Right then, Leehan is hit with the worst stinging sensation he’s ever felt in his entire life. He has to hold himself back from screaming his lungs out in the middle of the pet shop because God forbid that customer has something they want to purchase and they suddenly cannot because a 21-year-old man is weeping from wound disinfectant. 

Thank God for Riwoo, though, because the guy instantly changes Leehan’s train of thought from the pain to something— someone —more pleasant. 

“What are you planning on doing with Taesan?” Riwoo quickly grabs the hand wrap and begins wrapping it around every one of Leehan’s battered knuckles expertly. Leehan appears to be overseeing the process, but he’s really just daydreaming about things to do with Taesan. 

“Not sure. He’s told me many times how he loves music, especially vinyl, so I was hoping I could take him to a record shop or something like that,” Leehan speaks lowly. “And our shift ends around the time he wakes up, so he’ll probably be hungry, too.”

“Wow, you know what time he wakes up?” Riwoo seems both impressed and scared all at once. He’s aware that Leehan is an oddball, but he is also painfully aware of how scary his friend can get when he cares deeply about something. 

“He always texts me about the dreams he has in the morning. Or in the afternoon if he wakes up late.” Leehan smiles as he thinks about how eager Taesan sounds whenever he texts him. Always fully detailed, leaving no parts of his dreams untouched or unappreciated. 

Sometimes, Taesan will have nightmares. He doesn’t tell Leehan about those over text. Instead, Leehan will notice that Taesan hasn’t said anything one morning and he’ll offer to talk about it over FaceTime. Taesan always agrees, though hesitantly, and Leehan always listens. 

“It’s the weekend, so he might be sleeping in. I’m not sure if he has university tomorrow, so I’ll have to ask about that.” Leehan scoots in closer to the countertop to inspect just how precisely Riwoo is bandaging his knuckles. All while listening to Leehan blabber about this splendid boy that somehow entered his life. “I don’t want him to be too tired to accompany me, y’know?” 

Riwoo grins while listening, finishing the wrap successfully after a few seconds of silence. He then says, “You guys are too sweet. So, when’s the wedding?” Leehan almost chokes. 

“I’m not so sure about that…” Leehan won’t deny that he has some separate feelings for Taesan that go beyond the borders of friendship. But he also knows Taesan’s heart. “I don’t want to bombard him with stressful stuff like relationships after he just went through so much,” he elaborates. 

“He’s lucky to have someone like you, though. Boyfriend or boy that’s a friend.” Riwoo pats Leehan’s now bandaged hand and crumples up the trash with his hands. “All set. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a customer to assist and you have a date to plan.” 

—

Taesan groans and turns around in his bed, one arm covering his eyes from the obnoxiously bright sunlight streaming in through his partly uncovered windows. He can hear his doorbell ring but chooses to ignore it because his aunt is home anyway. 

Wait… Taesan blinks awake and sighs when he realizes that it’s Sunday. She’s not home. 

The doorbell rings again and Taesan forces himself to get up. Luckily, his head isn’t spinning and he doesn’t feel like he’ll throw up, so that’s something. Taesan plans on simply opening the door a crack to see who’s there—or maybe he won’t open the door and will peer out the window, hoping whoever is disturbing his sleep will go away. 

Once Taesan makes it to the front door, he peeps through the peephole. His brows furrow when he only sees the person’s chin and neck—they must be really tall. 

Sighing, Taesan opens the door, completely forgetting about the whole “open it a crack” scheme he’d had in mind. He looks up at who’s at the door and, lo and behold, it’s Kim Leehan in all his glory. 

“ Ahhh !” Taesan screams and shuts the door immediately, hiding behind it as though he’s just made eye contact with an axe murderer. He hears boisterous, honey-like laughter coming from behind the door and feels his heart swell at the sound. “I–I just woke up!” he yells without opening the door. 

“Doesn’t matter to me!” Leehan shouts back. Taesan can tell from the way he ends his sentence with another round of laughter that he’s smiling as he speaks. “Do you mind opening the door again? I’d like to see your pretty face,” says Leehan in a normal tone. Taesan’s face flushes pink. 

“W–Why?” 

Taesan’s hand is already on the doorknob, but he has to make sure Leehan isn’t going to turn on him and break into his aunt’s house and steal everything. Not that he thinks Leehan would do that, not at all, but he can’t help the thought from lingering in the back of his mind. 

“Let me take you out—” Leehan pauses unnaturally and scrambles to pick up his words. “...Side! Let me take you outside, Taesan. I want to hang out with you,” he continues as best as he can, hoping Taesan hasn’t noticed the slip of his tongue. 

News flash—he has. And he’s reeling his head over it. 

But does that stop him from opening the door? God, of course not!

Taesan opens the door all the way and allows Leehan to see him in a light that he thought he’d never let anyone see him in before—in his blue and white striped pajamas, hair all messy, eyes still drooping with fatigue. Nonetheless, Leehan still finds a way to compliment him. 

“There’s that lovely face.” Taesan has to hold his smile back when Leehan says that. Leehan peeks behind Taesan slightly before questioning, “Home alone?” 

Taesan doesn’t even mind that Leehan assumes he has parents to leave him alone at home. He simply nods and doesn’t elaborate—he doesn’t want to make it all about himself and his tragic life story when his day is already off to such a great start. Seeing Leehan just boosts his morale and his mood immediately. 

“Does that mean I can come inside? I walked here and my legs ache,” exaggerates Leehan. Taesan giggles and nods, completely disregarding the possibility that the house might as well be in total shambles. He’s sure Leehan won’t mind. 

“Do… Do you want water?” Taesan is quite awkward. For one, he’s never had anyone over at his house except for Woonhak throughout his life. And Woonhak’s a juice drinker, not a water enthusiast. Fortunately, Leehan is. 

“That would be nice.” The brunette smiles and makes himself comfortable on the couch in the living room. Taesan takes note of what he’s said and makes his way over to the kitchen, which is connected to the living area, instantly. 

“Here,” he whispers as he brings over a glass of tap water. Leehan thanks him and grabs the glass, his bandaged knuckles on display as if it’s free real estate. “What— What happened to your hands, Leehan?” Taesan stutters out in worry. 

“Oh, this?” Leehan brings the glass away from his mouth as if he’s forgotten about his own injuries. “It’s nothing. Just did something a bit naughty.” He chuckles at his unique way of saying “ I just beat up a bunch of assholes because they were rude to the guy I love. ”

“ What?! ” Taesan yelps and sits down next to Leehan hurriedly. He grabs the guy's hands and inspects them more thoroughly than Riwoo had earlier that day, eyebrows arched with apprehension and concern. “Your knuckles are bleeding through the wrap,” he whispers, more to himself than to Leehan. 

Leehan doesn’t mind that. All he can focus on right now is Taesan’s face of pure concentration. He seems so genuinely concerned for Leehan’s wellbeing that the guy could just die right now—but, for Taesan’s sake, he won’t. 

“I’m fine, Taesan.” Leehan gently retracts his hand from Taesan’s nimble grip and sets it on his lap. “How are you, though?” he asks very suddenly. 

Taesan tilts his head, quite taken aback by the sudden shift of their conversation. He makes a low noise of confusion before Leehan can clarify. 

“I mean, did you just wake up?” He seems to have finally taken into account Taesan’s absolutely messy appearance. Taesan nods in response and Leehan’s gaze softens. “Oh, I’m sorry, Taesan.” 

Taesan simply shakes his head and grins. If it were anyone else, he would be pissed off right now, but this is Leehan. He really likes Leehan. He doesn’t mind Leehan knocking him out of one of the best dreams he’s had in a while. 

“I’m going to brush my teeth and get changed.” Taesan gestures in front of himself with his pointer finger and Leehan ushers him to go ahead and do so. After Taesan stands up and turns around to leave, he smiles so brightly that his cheeks hurt. 

—

Taesan walks into the living room with his hair less messy than before and clothes that are more appropriate for being in front of Kim Leehan. Speaking of the latter, he’s on his phone when Taesan walks through the corridor but he immediately shuts it off. 

“Hey.” Leehan grins just because he can and lowkey checks out Taesan’s outfit. Taesan doesn’t mind because he knows Leehan digs his style, though it’s a bit peculiar from what people in their area usually wear. “That shirt is cute,” he says. Taesan gleams. 

“Thanks! It’s my favorite,” he responds. Leehan’s eyes crinkle with how wide his smile gets hearing that. “Can I tell you about the dream I had?” Taesan makes his way toward the couch and sits down, facing Leehan who hums eagerly. 

“Of course. I feel bad for interrupting it,” says the brunette. Taesan puffs out his cheeks as he tries to remember exactly what happened. 

“It started in the pet shop. Riwoo was there and so were you. I walked in and Riwoo gave me a lollipop for whatever reason before leading me to you. Then, you smiled and said you were going to take me somewhere. We walked together for a while before we reached a record store—it was the one close to my house. I’ve always wanted to go there but I’m too scared to go alone and I don’t have much time on my hands…” Taesan trails off. 

But Leehan doesn’t mind Taesan’s slight rambling today. Not like he ever does. His eyes widen for a split second at what he hears. Perfect .

“Sorry, so then I bought something from the store and we went to the park together. We got ice cream together and we ran into Giselle and Winter who were also on a date—” Taesan stops speaking as soon as he realizes the slip of his tongue. Leehan can’t hold back a snicker, only finding Taesan even more adorable after he stutters trying to pick up from where he’d left off. “I– I mean, we ran into Giselle and Winter who were also— also hanging out…” 

“I think you were right the first time,” Leehan mutters unconsciously. It takes him a second to figure out what he’s said thanks to Taesan’s very expressive face, but he tries to act nonchalant about it. “You were saying?” 

“Then we all hung out together and went back to the pet shop for a bit. And you walked me home. We were talking on my doorstep and you seemed like you wanted to say something to me before you left, but I woke up before you could continue.” Taesan pouts as he finishes his fictional yet extremely detailed anecdote. Leehan’s heart does a flip because he’s 100% sure that dream-Leehan was about to confess before the real Leehan interrupted him. 

“I’m sure I’ll tell you soon if it’s important.” And Leehan isn’t lying when he says that. He’s sure he can get the words out soon—he’ll just have to wait for Taesan to be ready to hear them. 

—

Though it took some persuasion, Leehan finally managed to get Taesan outside of his humble abode. Taesan follows Leehan quietly, only speaking when the latter sparks up a conversation first. 

“You haven’t had breakfast yet,” Leehan states. He meant for it to sound like a question, but it comes out more as a remark. Taesan hums and questions Leehan’s observation with his eyes. “Do you want to eat something?” 

Taesan is quick to shake his head no. This confuses Leehan who is a firm believer of the idea that not eating breakfast is severely detrimental to a person’s health and wellbeing. 

“You said you wanted to take me somewhere first,” is what Taesan provides as reasoning for his decision. Leehan nods silently in understanding before coming up with a compromise. 

“How ‘bout after? It’s been a while since I ate, too.” Leehan strategically chose to add that second sentence because he knows part of Taesan’s reasoning was that he didn’t want to drag Leehan with him to eat somewhere. 

“Hm… Okay!” Taesan grins brightly and Leehan almost walks straight onto the busy road because of it. Luckily, he doesn’t, and he’s able to shoot Taesan’s gorgeous smile right back at him. 

They walk for a couple more minutes and find themselves entering a busier part of the town. There are shops left and right and, if they were to walk a few blocks down, they would be right at their base—Leehan’s Pet Shop. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for Leehan, that’s not what their final destination will be. 

Leehan abruptly stops walking in front of a store and Taesan does too, assuming he has something to say. It’s not until Leehan turns to face the entrance of the store and looks up at the awning that says “ All the Records ” that Taesan realizes this is the place Leehan wants to take him. 

“Here we are!” Leehan turns his head to send Taesan a happy face and watches with all the love in his heart as Taesan slowly pieces the puzzle together, his face growing in excitement as he does. “You can buy anything you want, Taesan. It’s my treat.” 

Taesan struggles to hold back his enthusiasm and chooses to hold Leehan’s hand tightly to express how happy he is. He’s never felt this happy in his whole life, he thinks, and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself by making that too obvious. 

Taesan’s hands are definitely shaking and his eyes are almost shut with how hard he’s cheesing. He turns to Leehan and whispers, “Thank you so much,” because that’s all he can conjure up right now. Leehan simply shakes his head, silently telling Taesan that he doesn’t want to be thanked. 

“Let’s go inside, then.” Leehan tightens his grip on Taesan’s hand and leads them into the shop. 

The shop is relatively calmer than any of the other ones in the street. There are only about three customers and a worker sorting records in the back. It’s comforting and cozy, just as Taesan thought it would be whenever he’d look at it through the windows longingly. 

“A-are you sure about this, Leehan-i?” Taesan accidentally calls Leehan a nickname which only makes the guy want to buy the entire store just for the ravenette. Leehan nods surely and gestures toward the tons of albums, records, and all of the above that are on display. 

“If you want me to, I can look around myself. Don’t feel pressured.” Kim Leehan has got to be a fucking mind reader. 

Those words alone make Taesan want to say it. He wants to tell Leehan that he loves him so bad but he can’t because he knows it’s not the right place or time to do that. He knows Leehan probably doesn’t think that intimately about him either and he’s sure it’s just his mind playing tricks on him. 

Is Leehan actually this kind, or is it pity? Sympathy? What is this feeling if not love? 

Afraid that the offer may expire if he doesn’t respond quickly, Taesan nods and Leehan pats his back as a way of saying “ Have fun .” Taesan’s doctor has said many times that his fainting episodes could also be caused by an erratic heartbeat, but he’s not sure why he hasn’t fainted yet with the way Leehan’s been acting. 

Taesan gets to it. With Leehan’s blessing, he really does have fun silently sifting through the many rows of albums. His eyes widen and sparkle whenever he comes across a band he really likes and he almost always hesitates before grabbing an album to inspect it.

This is Leehan’s money , he reminds himself. Nothing too expensive. 

Taesan is almost at the back of the store when he spots it. A vinyl record from one of his all-time favorite bands, Oasis. 

He slowly but surely approaches it, watching it, in all its glory, shine on the display shelf that it’s been perched upon. He runs a hand over the cover and can practically feel the goosebumps on his skin rise as they glide across the plastic-wrapped top. 

Taesan’s love for music is intravenous, and he’s sure that listening to his favorite songs on vinyl will make his love for them float in the air such that he can breathe it in over and over again. 

He grabs the record and holds it in his hands carefully, staring down at it in a way that it can’t escape his grasp. He’s even more giddy when he sees that it’s not as pricey as the other records that customers will usually scavenge for. 

Confirming his decision in his mind, Taesan looks up and searches for a tall brunette man in the crowd which has, unbeknownst to Taesan, grown in population since he last observed it. Luckily, he finds Leehan easily and his heart soars when he realizes that Leehan is actually interested in what he sees, not just looking around aimlessly like Taesan had feared he would. 

Taesan decides to walk up to Leehan, not wanting to waste the latter’s time like he thinks he is. When Leehan sees Taesan with a record in his hands, he beams and wordlessly asks if it’s the one with his eyes. 

When Taesan hums in affirmation, Leehan puts a hand on his back and they walk together to the back of the store where the checkout is. Leehan, like the gentleman he is, murmurs, “I’ve got it,” and takes the record from Taesan’s hands with utmost care, almost as if he’s dealing with a baby. To the ravenette, he technically is. 

“Will this be all for today?” the cashier, cool as ever, asks while chewing her gum. Leehan nods and pulls out his wallet, waiting for her to announce the price. When she does, he pays as if it’s nothing. Taesan swears he could faint. He probably might, but he’s been able to hold on thus far. 

“Thank you,” Leehan says with a charming grin when the cashier hands him a bag with the record and a receipt. She thanks him back as any cashier does and Taesan bows slightly to silently thank her as well. She shoots him a grin. 

“Have a nice day.” And with that, Leehan and Taesan are out of “ All the Records” and into the bustling street yet again. 

—

Even when they reach a random restaurant that they manage to find just from aimlessly walking around, Taesan can’t stop thanking Leehan. 

Once they’ve managed to get themselves a booth table and are sitting down across from each other, Leehan addresses Taesan’s cute yet slightly excessive gratitude. 

“Taesan-ah, you don’t have to thank me anymore. I wanted to do this for you, okay? Don’t feel bad and don’t feel like you need to thank me. Just seeing you smile is gratitude enough.” Leehan taps his finger against the table as he speaks. Taesan seems reluctant to accept what the guy is saying, but he does anyway. “Now, what do you want to eat?”

Taesan shrugs and takes a look at the menu that Leehan had slid across the table to him. He sees all the ordinary restaurant foods but settles for the classic gimbap roll and fried chicken. Leehan compliments him on his taste and orders tteok-ramyeon for himself. 

The food takes a while to get to them, but when it does, Taesan and Leehan dig right in. It’s obvious that both of them haven’t eaten in a while because they’re absolute savages while chowing down on everything. Well-mannered savages, if those exist. 

Taesan wipes the side of his mouth and suddenly regrets ordering the fried chicken because the grease on his fingertips makes him feel overstimulated and slimy and gross. Even wiping it away with a napkin doesn’t help. 

Leehan, who Taesan might as well just call his other half, notices the latter’s discomfort and raises his hand to shout out to the aunty running the restaurant. He calls out, “Imo-nim! Could I have some hand sanitizer?” 

Taesan’s head snaps up at Leehan’s request. He doesn’t immediately assume it was made for himself, but when the aunty runs up to their table with a big thing of hand sanitizer, he sees Leehan gesture toward him. 

“Here you go, darlin’.” The aunty pumps a good amount of hand sanitizer onto Taesan’s hands and he gleams. She leaves, but the smile on Taesan’s face doesn’t. 

“Don't—thank me.” Leehan pauses in the middle of his sentence to hold out a finger, stopping Taesan from saying the forbidden words. 

“...Okay,” Taesan whispers and rubs the sanitizer into his hands, feeling immediate relief when the greasiness is replaced by some amount of cleanliness. “Can I at least pay—” 

“Nope!” Leehan slurps the remaining soup in his bowl obnoxiously loud to drown out any of Taesan’s protesting. He sets his bowl down when he’s done and, with some soup still on his upper lip, says, “Today is my treat to you, remember? You don’t have to pay me back for this.” 

Taesan can only giggle at the soup residue on Leehan’s lip, replicating the look of that infamous milk mustache. He takes a napkin from the end of the table and dabs it on Leehan’s upper lip carefully. The brunette lets him, holding back a smile. When Taesan is done with his cleaning duty, Leehan gazes at him for a moment. He’s sure that this is love.

“Don't—thank me,” Taesan parrots what Leehan had said just a minute or so ago comically. Leehan can’t hold back his amusement and lets out a fit of boisterous laughter that without a doubt annoys the others in the restaurant. 

Oh, this is definitely love.

— 

Because Taesan didn’t want to let go of Leehan till sunset, they walked around a nearby park for thirty minutes and watched as the sky shifted from its regular blue hue to a gradient of pink, orange, and yellow. 

Unfortunately, time doesn’t stop for anyone, even Leehan and Taesan, so as soon as Leehan was on Taesan’s doorstep coaxing him to open the door and hang out with him, he was dropping him off. 

“I know you said not to thank you, but thank you, Leehan.” Taesan looks up at Leehan with some unreadable emotion as they both stand on the steps of the shorter’s front door. “I was planning on rotting away in my bed today, but you saved me like you always do.”

“You’ve been talking about wanting to buy a record for a while and the dream you described to me earlier just made me want to take you outside even more.” Luckily, Leehan doesn’t slip up with his words this time around. “Does your dream feel like a reality now?” he queries, his hand brushing Taesan’s. 

Taesan nods with a grin. He studies Leehan’s face thoroughly and finds nothing but sincerity, joy, and absolute care within it. 

“Before I leave, I wanted to ask…” Leehan clears his throat and prays that Taesan will agree. “Would you like to accompany me during my shift tomorrow?” He throws it out there and just begs. 

“Of course!” God, I love you, Taesan. “After university, right?” Taesan doesn’t even hesitate for a second, completely contrasting what Leehan thought his response would be. 

“Yeah.” Leehan exhales like he’s been holding his breath for ages. He feels like he should at least warn Taesan about the presence of a devil while he still can, so he explains, “My father came to town last night and he’s planning on… overseeing how I operate shit around here. I was hoping you’d come just so I could be grounded and, y’know, so he doesn’t think I’m a bad business owner and whatnot.” 

Though he rambled a bit there, Leehan could see Taesan’s face shifting the more he spoke. He found it unreally endearing how interested the other was even though he didn’t ask for an explanation. 

“I’ll stay as long as I can, then,” Taesan promises in a determined voice. Leehan could kiss him right now. 

I love you, is what Leehan wants to say to Taesan. 

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow,” is what leaves his mouth. 

Chapter Text

After university, Taesan went straight to Leehan’s Pet Shop. Leehan debriefed what the day would be like (for those at home, he said it would be the closest replicate of hell there is), and Taesan readied himself as best as he could. 

Now he just has to, you know, actually do a good job. He can’t shit his pants or, even worse, faint on the job. That’ll just make Leehan look bad in front of his (apparently) devilish father. 

“You’re gonna do great, Taesan-ah.” Riwoo, who also happens to be working alongside Leehan today, gives Taesan a reaffirming double thumbs-up to shake off the nerves. “Don’t worry too much about it. You can just pretend like you’re working, to be honest. Leehan and I will handle things like we usually do. Just, there’s going to be an ominous specimen looming around the place.”

Taesan lets out a nervous laugh, though he really is amused by Riwoo’s unique way of wording things. He nods and inhales sharply, turning around to check if Leehan’s done talking to his dad yet. 

“Uh, Riwoo,” voices Taesan quietly after concluding that they were still talking. Very seriously, at that. “Does Leehan really hate his dad? He was being kind of, I don’t know. Uh, kind of vague. I don’t want to overstep, but—”

“Oh, he would probably castrate his father if he had the chance.” Riwoo’s almost laughing when he says the words. Taesan’s appalled, but he assumes that’s just the way things go, so he doesn’t judge and changes his view of Leehan’s father instantly. 

If Leehan hates his old man, Taesan will have to as well. That’s just the way things go. 

“On a real note, they don’t have the best relationship. I think you should limit talking to him as much as you can. He’s not very fond of our whole Pet Shop Scheme that we have going.” Riwoo bashes his hand against the cash register when the change drawer doesn’t open, but calms himself down swiftly. He’s not the biggest devil in the room, and he sure as hell isn’t trying to be. (No pun intended). 

“Oh.” Taesan sneaks another glance at Leehan, who he suddenly realizes looks way more tense than he’d noticed. “Okay.” 

—

Taesan’s just realizing how fucking horrifying it is to try and place fish bowls on a shelf with someone watching him from behind. He’s never had to do it before, so maybe it’s a beginner thing, but he hopes he’ll never have to do it again. 

If Leehan’s dad were a health inspector or his boss, he’d be fired by now. In fact, he would have been fired before Leehan’s father even made it into the store. He’s almost dropped at least five of the fish bowls. 

He doesn’t even know why he’s restocking the fish bowls, or anything for that matter. Leehan told him he could do anything around the store, but he didn’t have to . Taesan guesses he let his anxiety get the best of him, and he just had to get something done to make him feel somewhat better about being watched by a hawk. 

“Not even handling them carefully,” he hears being whispered from behind him. Taesan pauses, just to make sure he’s not hallucinating again or something, and continues when silence resumes. “Some workers he has.” Annddd now Taesan wants to die. 

If Taesan weren’t totally mortified by the thought of turning around to look at Satan in the eye, he would absolutely tell him to fuck off (kindly) and pick up a hobby that doesn’t involve ridiculing his own son and his workers (respectfully). 

But, unfortunately, Taesan isn’t as confident as he’d like to be. So he just takes it and shakily takes another fish bowl out of the neat packaging that the bulk order was delivered in. 

“Appa,” Taesan hears Leehan call for his father while his back is turned. He breathes out a sigh of relief when he hears said father shift his heels to face Leehan. “You said you wanted to see the spreadsheet of the store’s supplies, right?” Oh, thank God. He’s going to go away. 

“Oh, right. Lead the way.” The pattering of footsteps is like music to Taesan’s ears. He’s never been this glad to be alone before. And he’s already as introverted as an introvert can get. 

Since he’s alone in the aisle, he fully sits down on the ground and just… sits. He doesn’t know what to do other than relish in the fact that he’s not being observed deeply. Every little movement. Every breath.

He shuts his eyes tight and rubs them in a desperate attempt to get rid of his fuzzy vision. In return, he gets a couple of seconds of static vision instead, but it’s better than the incoming headache he could feel coming just seconds before. Though he feels way more lightheaded than he did when he came to the shop.

“Oh…” he groans. His hands instantly go up to his head, then to his heart to make sure it’s not beating crazily like it usually does before he’s about to go out cold. He can’t believe Leehan’s dad is making him feel like he’s about to lose consciousness. 

I know he hates him, but isn’t it weird for me to hate his dad too? 

The thought is way too deep, and Taesan feels impossibly worse. 

Since he knows he’s about to faint, he might as well do it anywhere but in the middle of the fish bowl aisle. Especially since it’s full of glass. He really doesn’t want to have a bunch of glass shards in his skin on top of fainting in the middle of Leehan’s workplace. 

So , even though it’s going to take all the energy out of him, he chooses to try and stand up. Both hands on the ground below him, he pushes himself up and just prays that he won’t fall forward, right into the shelf full of fish bowls. ‘Cause that would be just as embarrassing as it would be painful. 

Thankfully, standing up only gives him a few seconds of mental emptiness. He knows Leehan’s talking to his dad, so he has no other choice but to go to Riwoo. Who is, unfortunately, all the way at the front of the shop. 

One… Two… Three… 

Taesan counts his steps just so he has something to focus on other than the fact that he will probably go out cold right now. Luckily for him, he makes it to the front of the store. Riwoo is on his phone, though it’s on his lap as though he’s a student trying to hide it from his teacher. 

“Riwoo?” Taesan calls out. It’s a bit weak, and he knows that because Riwoo doesn’t seem to hear him. “Uh, Riwoo?” He tries again. Thankfully, Riwoo’s head almost instantaneously snaps up, and his gaze softens when he sees Taesan almost limping. 

“Yeah? What’s up?” He puts his phone down on the countertop, scanning Taesan’s entire frame for what could be wrong. 

“I think… I think I’m going to go to the break room real quick. My head—” 

“Yeah, yeah! No problem! Go ahead, I’ll tell Leehan if he comes looking.” Riwoo’s sweet smile somewhat helps Taesan’s fragile state of mind, and the latter doesn’t waste any time getting to the break room. 

—

“It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. But I hope you know there’s still time for you. You know, to join the company again.” Leehan’s father taps his finger against the countertop as he speaks, effectively scaring the shit out of an already disgusted Riwoo who is still sitting behind it. 

“Yeah, yeah. Right.” Leehan pretends as though he’s humoring the idea, wearing the fakest smile Riwoo has ever seen. He’s never been this much of a fake bitch before—not even when he was friends with Jaejun and Yeojung. 

“Your worker back there, though, uh—” Mr. Kim motions toward the back of the store lazily as if he were trying to remember Taesan’s name despite never being introduced to him at all. “You ought to give him a bit more training, or whatever the fuck you pet shop owners do. Seemed like he couldn’t wait to clock out.” He laughs. Fucking laughs.

Leehan’s eyes turn serious, and Riwoo makes a face. The ginger-haired dude has to turn his face away so Leehan’s dad doesn’t realize how big of a mistake he’s made by criticizing Taesan. 

“Good thing he’s not working under you, right?” Leehan doesn’t seem to be entertaining his father’s words any longer. In fact, he seems even more ecstatic for the guy to leave. “I think it’s getting a bit too late. And we’re about to close, anyway.” He shifts his weight onto the other foot and looks away. 

“I’m just trying to support you, Leehan. You’re lucky I’m still funding your shit. And you’re lucky I’m still visiting to give you insight like this. If you’re going to own a business, you should know how to run—”

“I am perfectly fine on my own. We are perfectly fine on our own.” Leehan emphasizes the truth that he and Riwoo were in on this Pet Shop Scheme together. His father backs down and clears his throat.

“I guess I’ll be leaving then, since you insist.” The snark behind his words goes in through one ear and out the other for both Leehan and Riwoo. “I’ll be back in a couple of months. Don’t think I won’t be calling you, though. Just because you’re in Seoul doesn’t mean I’m not going to be keeping a watchful eye over you.” 

Holy fuck, is he a murderer or some shit? Riwoo almost chuckles at his own thought, but stops himself. He can’t become the next target of Mr. Kim’s criticism. 

Mr. Kim is in his car and on the street within minutes, much to Leehan and Riwoo’s delight. 

“Ah, wait…” Leehan does a very effort-lacking scan of the front of the store, and his face shifts in worry. “Where’s Taesan? I was too busy talking to my dad about the supply list or some stupid shit to check up on him.” 

“Oh, I was supposed to tell you earlier. He said something about feeling lightheaded, so he went to the break room an hour ago.” Riwoo doesn’t seem to realize the weight of what he’s saying until after he’s said it, and his eyes widen immediately. “Holy shit, he was feeling lightheaded. Oh my God… I’m a horrible person—”

Leehan, as stressed as he is, knows that caring for two people is way harder than caring for one, so he makes sure Riwoo doesn’t feel guilty before he rushes to check on Taesan. He says, quickly, “No, you’re not. You’re not a bad person, Riwoo. You didn’t know.” 

Now he can panic. 

He speedwalks to the break room and prays, just prays that he won’t find Taesan face-down on the ground or something. He practically breaks the door down and opens his eyes wearily, only to be faced with…

Oh.  

Taesan is sitting on the couch, his knees up to his chest, scrolling on his phone while eating a Snickers bar. 

Oh, okay.

“Taesan-ah,” Leehan calls out to get the other’s attention. Taesan looks up at him and grins, putting his phone beside him. “Are you okay?” He asks, slowly walking up to Taesan. He sits next to the boy and scans his face for any masked discomfort. 

“Yeah, I was just feeling a bit dizzy.” Taesan takes the final bite of his Snickers and neatly folds the wrapper up so he can throw it out later. “I’m sorry for not telling you earlier. Didn’t mean to make you worry.” His sentence is reduced to mere mutters, and he seems ashamed of something that both he and Leehan know can’t be controlled. 

“Hey, stop that.” Leehan grabs hold of Taesan’s hand and rubs it gently. “Sure, I was worried, but that’s not your fault. I’m the one who should be sorry for making you come here, knowing how my father is.” He sighs and throws his head back, resting it on the back cushions of the couch. He thinks of his horrendous father figure and how he only hates him even more after what he did to Taesan’s mental. 

“Your father isn’t your responsibility, though. You shouldn’t be sorry for what he did.” Taesan says this very quietly, almost as if he’s afraid to tell Leehan the much-needed truth. But Leehan hears it anyway—and he’s glad he did. Because he’s needed to hear someone say it for ages. 

And, of course, Taesan was the one and only person to ever man up and actually say it. The only person to go against the hard-wired beliefs that everyone has about Leehan’s “hard-working, well-mannered” father. 

And that just makes Leehan love him even more.

—

“Taesan, I’m so sorry. I should’ve gone with you to the break room to make sure you were okay. I wasn’t really listening to you when you said that you felt lightheaded, and I just assumed you felt uncomfortable with Leehan’s father, like everyone does —”

“It’s okay, Riwoo-hyung.” 

“ H-huh?! ” Riwoo sputters. His hands go flat on the countertop, and he waits for Taesan to repeat his words, but his brain manages to process them quicker than Taesan can repeat them, and a smile grows instantly. “Did you just call me hyung? Oh my God, Leehan, he just called me hyung !” he squeals. Leehan grins in Taesan’s direction. 

“So I heard.” Leehan chuckles and gazes at Taesan lovingly. Taesan silently smiles, albeit shyly, just glad that he managed to rid Riwoo of his misplaced guilt. “At least someone will call you hyung now,” he says, thinking Riwoo won’t hear him. 

And, of course, he does.

“Yah! Not funny, not cute!” Riwoo snaps immediately, but goes back to adoring Taesan right after. “I promise I’ll take better care of you whenever you’re here, Taesan-ah. And don’t be afraid to ask me for anything . Leehan is an asshole—”

“Hey! Taesan-ah, you know I’ll also be here to help, right?” Leehan puts his hand out in front of Riwoo’s face to remotely block out his words and faces Taesan defensively. Taesan quietly giggles at the exchange, knowing very well that both of the pet shop owners would drop even a fish bowl to help him.

“Thank you both for even caring,” voices Taesan amid the chaos. This causes both of the bickering friends to shut up, and they slowly turn their heads to look at Taesan. “Not many people… well, nobody has really ever done this much for me. So, thank you,” he elaborates. 

Riwoo looks at Leehan, and Leehan looks at Riwoo. Riwoo pouts at him to show just how much he absolutely adores Taesan, and Leehan looks at Taesan giddily. They’re both glad to know that they’ve made Taesan feel seen , even if they haven’t been doing the most proactive job at it.

Leehan, who was previously leaning against the countertop with his arms as support, straightens his back and approaches Taesan. He ruffles the ravenette's slightly messy hair, receiving a displeased whine in return. 

“We’re glad you’re here, Taesan-ah,” whispers Leehan. “Need a ride home?” he asks suddenly. 

Taesan makes a noise of confusion but doesn’t reject the implicit offer. He nods, and Leehan pulls his car keys out of his pocket, smoothly swinging them around his index finger as he gestures for Riwoo to come with him and Taesan. 

They walk to Leehan’s car together, talking about the most random things ever. Soon enough, the conversation moves to Riwoo’s thus-far mysterious boyfriend. Well, mysterious to none other than Taesan.

“I think I should introduce you to Jaehyun. He’s really funny. Well, I think he is.” Riwoo has to clarify that Jaehyun’s funniness is strictly his own belief before Leehan hops on his dick about it. “Actually, Leehan said he’s kind of funny, too. And he’s got some sick music taste. Maybe you guys will bond over that,” he motions toward Taesan as they enter Leehan’s car. 

“Taesan, why don’t you sit in the passenger seat?” Leehan observes keenly how Taesan waits for Riwoo to enter the car before sliding in beside him in the backseat. Taesan perks up at the question and looks between Leehan and Riwoo as if the reason were obvious. 

“I don’t want Riwoo to feel alone in the back. He should be sitting in the front, actually…” His words fade out because he fears he sounds a bit dumb, but he instantly feels better when he sees Riwoo practically collapse into the leather car seat. 

“Agh, Leehan! He’s so cute ! I can’t!” screams Riwoo, clutching his heart. “Don’t worry, you can sit in the front. I won’t feel lonely.” He sits up straight after giving Taesan the green light and shoots him a genuine smile. 

“Okay,” Taesan whispers. He climbs out of the back and properly enters through the passenger door. Riwoo is shocked because he, for one, would’ve just maneuvered his conveniently sized body through the gap between the passenger and driver’s seat to get there. 

“Thanks for worrying about me, Taesan-ah.” Riwoo grins and gives him a double thumbs up, something he’s been obsessed with doing for a while now. Taesan returns the grin and nods, wordlessly dismissing the gratitude. “Now you really have to meet Jaehyun. He has to learn how to be respectful.”

“Oh, he really does.” Leehan buckles his seatbelt and chuckles when he sees Riwoo recoil, absolutely appalled by Leehan agreeing with what he had just said. “My bad, I forgot that that’s only okay when you say it.”

“Yeah, your bad.” Riwoo freezes when he realizes how silly the sentence sounds with how he worded it. “I mean, like, you should be sorry! You know?” he quickly defends himself. Taesan bursts into laughter. 

The sound of Taesan laughing, as expected, causes Leehan to start laughing too. And then, Riwoo. Soon enough, they’re all laughing, not even sure of why or who exactly caused it. Just happy to be happy with each other. 

And that’s what it should be. Leehan thinks he should make Taesan happy more often.

Because happiness looks gorgeous on Taesan’s face. 

Chapter Text

“Hey, you.”

Taesan looks up from his phone wearily at the sound of his aunt’s voice. It’s rare that she’s ever at home, but whenever she is, it’s usually bad news. 

“I’m going on vacation with Minchul. Don’t fuck up the house. There are drinks in the fridge, or whatever. Get food yourself, I can’t be bothered to do that shit.” 

Taesan takes a couple of seconds to fully process what’s been said to him, but he nods half-heartedly after. He’s aware that his aunt has been seeing someone named Minchul for a while, and that whenever she’s gone, she’s usually at his house or invading his workplace with her loud personality. 

“I’ll be gone for two weeks. Don’t cross the fucking line while I’m gone, okay?” Her harsh tone makes Taesan’s skin feel like needles, but he’s gotten quite used to it by now. He hums as a way of wordlessly acknowledging her neglect and returns his focus to his phone. 

The door slams shut and Taesan flinches hard. It takes a moment for him to get back to reality, but when he does, he gets a notification. It’s from Leehan.

leehan C:

doing alright?

 

Taesan smiles at his phone’s lockscreen and stares at the notification for a few more seconds before swiping up to reply. It’s not unlike Leehan to check up on Taesan from time to time, but it still feels as special as the first time whenever he does. 

me

yes

!

!

!

 

Leehan told Taesan that he could try using exclamation points to help express his emotions better. He’s trying to implement that more. 

leehan C:

excited?

 

me

to talk to you

yes

!

 

leehan C:

riwoo’s here

wanna facetime?

 

me

okay

!

Taesan gets an incoming call from none other than Leehan and picks up immediately, sitting up in bed so he’s at least presentable. As expected, Leehan is grinning on the other end of the call, and Riwoo is shuffling around next to him. 

“Hey,” greets Leehan, voice as smooth as honey. Taesan smiles and waves wordlessly in return. “Some guy just came in and bought ten whole bags of dog food. We had to get him a cart from the storage room so he could get all of it to his car,” explains Leehan, a huff of laughter escaping shortly after. Taesan gasps. 

“How much did that cost?” he asks, brows furrowing as he tries to calculate it himself. He gets something close to five hundred thousand won, but he knows Leehan’s a nice guy and would probably sell it for cheaper than that. 

He can hear Leehan clicking in the background—probably pulling up the purchase history on his computer. He hums and says, “I think it was just above four hundred thousand won,” while he waits for the page to load. “Yeah,” he confirms. 

“That guy must be out of his mind,” sighs Riwoo in the back. “Or he’s preparing for the rapture.” 

Taesan laughs and greets Riwoo as well. Riwoo’s exhausted expression is gone the second his eyes land on Taesan’s grinning face and he snatches the phone out of Leehan’s hand in a heartbeat.

“Doing good?” Riwoo’s eyes shine with amusement. Taesan nods, hair fluttering about with the movement. “I’ve never seen your room before. Show me around!” he urges. 

“Hey, I haven’t either!” Leehan nudges Riwoo aside for space on the screen, eyes squinting to get a good view. Taesan beams. 

“Okay, well… My room isn’t that big. My aunt gave me the smallest room in the house, so…” 

Taesan stands up and brings his phone with him, deciding where to start the tour off with a lot of consideration. He chooses to bring them to the door. 

“This is just the door. But I have this—” He opens the door and shows the hanging fish decoration on the front. Leehan gasps, and Riwoo silently adores the decoration. “I put it there after, uhm…” 

“It’s amazing, Taesan.” Leehan doesn’t let Taesan finish his sentence for his own sake. The compliment seems to bring Taesan back to a good place and he smiles widely, thanking Leehan in his quiet voice. 

Taesan flips the camera around and carefully shows every nook and cranny of his room. At some point, he becomes self-conscious and asks the two if they really want him to keep explaining every detail. They eagerly encourage him, with Riwoo even adlibbing, “This store is too empty for us not to let you!”

So, Taesan continues. 

The dresser he’d once perched Bubble atop, the bed he sleeps on every night, the closet he still hasn’t cleaned, and the desk he sits at whenever he has to cry about his homework. Leehan and Riwoo gasp and gape and hum at everything like they’re in an art museum. Everything is one of a kind, at least to them it is. 

“Taesan, what are those?” Riwoo points as if it’ll help Taesan figure out what he’s trying to see. 

“He can’t see where you’re pointing to, dumbass.” Leehan rolls his eyes and tries following Riwoo’s finger. “The photos on the wall, he means,” he clarifies. Taesan perks up and shuffles over. 

“These are photos I printed out. This one is me and you from a few weeks ago.” 

Taesan focuses the camera on one specific photo—it’s a selfie of him and Leehan, taken by the latter, of them sitting on a bench at the park. Taesan is looking down at the vinyl Leehan bought him, and Leehan is grinning at the camera like he’s saying, “ Look at what I just did! ”

Leehan bursts out laughing while Riwoo groans and shoves him away so he can see better. When he does get a grasp of what the photo is of, he smiles just as brightly as Leehan. 

“How did you get that photo?” exclaims Leehan, voice crackling at the edges with wonder. Taesan’s camera shakes with his own laughter. 

“You took it on my phone, why are you even asking?” he shoots back without hesitation. Riwoo whoop !-s and smacks Leehan on the shoulder. 

“I swear, I took it on mine!” Leehan shakes his head but doesn’t go out of his way to try and prove it. “You look cute in that photo. And I look like I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“You bought him that record?” Riwoo asks, examining the photo like a doctor would examine their patient. 

“Damn right, I did!” 

Riwoo snorts. “Didn’t know you were balling like that.” 

“Well, I am.” Leehan ends the back-and-forth between them just like that, eyes locked on Taesan’s camera. “What’s the photo next to that one?” he asks. 

Taesan moves the camera over. “It’s me and my mom,” he whispers. 

The photo is a bit grainy. It looks like a scan of some photo that you’d find in an album of old memories—except the original was too precious for Taesan to just hang on his wall. Taesan is young in the photo, around five or six. He’s grinning the widest Leehan has ever seen, and his mother is smiling just as bright. 

“I think… I think my mom would like Leehan. And my dad would like him too, but he would like Riwoo-hyung more,” he thinks out loud, unaware of the mental turmoil the words cause for the other two on the line. Riwoo wipes imaginary tears from his eyes. 

“You think so?” Leehan's voice is quiet to match the melancholy that surrounds the photo. Taesan hums in response. 

Taesan continues to show them the photos on his wall. They’re all just as beautiful as the last. Some are just silly snapshots, while others hold importance, like the photo of Taesan and his dad at a fishing fair somewhere in Jeju. 

Leehan and Riwoo don’t know what happened to Taesan’s parents. Don’t know why his voice drops an octave lower if he talks about them, or why he uses the past tense whenever he does. 

They don’t ask. 

At least an hour passes. The room tour ends just minutes after Taesan finishes explaining his family photos, and they move onto spontaneous bursts of “ did you hear about— ” and “ we have to go to—” every now and then. 

The jingle bells above the door are loud enough for Taesan to hear them through the phone screen. Leehan and Riwoo’s heads snap up at the sound, and it’s almost freakish how quickly Riwoo turns his customer-service face on. 

“Welcome! Is there anything you’re looking for?” he asks the person. Whoever it is, they’re off-screen and quite quiet. There’s some indecipherable murmuring, which Taesan takes as a “ no, thank you, ” and then Riwoo says, “Let either of us know if you need any help.” 

The person shuffles about in the background. Leehan hums as he stares at Taesan on his phone screen, not focusing on any part of his face in particular. Just taking in the view with a smile tugging at his lips.

“Did you wake up early today?” he asks quietly, resting his face on the palm of his unoccupied hand. Taesan nods and plays around with the toggles on the call menu. “I hope you slept well.”

“I did.” Taesan’s voice is so soft that it almost goes unheard by Leehan. “My aunt was home,” he mutters soon after. Leehan raises a brow, unsure of how to go about the new information. 

He settles for a vague question. “Did that bother you?” he queries. 

“Not as much as it usually does. She left an hour or so ago.” Taesan’s still playing around with the toggles. He opens the menu of emoji stickers and puts one right on his nose. “I didn’t know you could do this on FaceTime,” he murmurs under his breath. Leehan snorts. 

He strategically chooses not to expand on the whole aunt discussion. He senses Taesan might not want to talk about it, or if he does, now’s not the time. 

“Not very tech savvy, are you?” he jokes, copying Taesan. He puts a fish emoji on his cheek, but the idea is futile since he’s moving so much on the other end. Now, there’s just a random fish on his camera. 

“Move the fish,” whines Taesan. “I can’t see your face properly when you set your camera up like that.” 

Leehan scoffs playfully and takes the fish off, feigning offense. Then, he nods his head toward Taesan so as to say, “You too! ” 

As soon as they’re emoji-free, they delve into some random conversation about a new fish species Taesan saw on a poster in the halls of his university. Something about “ stopping pollution or whatever else people campaign for these days, ” he says. 

Eventually, the customer who entered the store about thirty minutes ago comes back to the front to ring up their items. Taesan notices that Leehan, instead of setting his phone up somewhere like he usually would if someone were paying for their things, puts his phone face up. He assumes that the person must be purchasing a pet. 

“I’ll hang up now, since you’re helping that person,” alerts Taesan, finger hovering over the red button. Leehan says something about the process being quick, but Taesan shakes his head and laughs it off. “Call me back when you’re done with work, maybe?” he suggests. 

Leehan doesn’t nod or pick up the phone again, but Taesan knows that his question has already been answered. Leehan always finds time to talk to him. Riwoo even joked that Leehan would call Taesan even if he were being chased by a sea of zombies. 

Though Taesan wouldn’t appreciate seeing Leehan be chased by zombies on a FaceTime call, he’d laughed at the joke anyway. All he understood was that Leehan cares for him.

Maybe he cares a bit more than anyone else Taesan knows, but he cares nonetheless. 

And Taesan likes that.

He really likes that. 

—

“Don’t forget to turn the lights off in the break room,” shouts Leehan as he picks up his work bag. Despite working at a literal pet shop, he has a surprising amount of stuff he has to bring daily. “You forgot last time and I nearly died when I checked the electricity bill,” he mutters after Riwoo doesn’t respond. 

“It’s been off, idiot!” yells Riwoo, emerging from the back of the store. He looks absolutely enervated, legs wobbling like Bambi. 

Leehan just laughs in his face—well, near that, since he’s at the entrance of the store—and rummages through his bag for his car keys. He nearly offers a ride to Riwoo before he remembers the guy’s boyfriend is parked outside, waiting for him already. 

“Wish I had a boyfriend as kind as your little weirdo.” Leehan spins his car keys around his index finger coolly once he finds them, zipping up his messenger bag and pocketing his phone in, erm, his pocket. 

“Well…” Riwoo trails off, not daring to actually finish the sentence. He doesn’t have to, apparently, because Leehan is already rolling his eyes. 

“Taesan doesn’t know how to drive. He said he’s too scared to use anything but public transport.”

“Who said anything about Taesan?” Riwoo snorts at the look on Leehan’s face. He’s always finessed Leehan way too easily for his own good. This evening is no different. 

“You—”

“Don’t dig your own grave, Kim Donghyun,” Riwoo interjects, holding his hand out firmly. He chuckles and walks past Leehan, who just gapes at him, jaw barely hanging open. “Let’s lock up now. Jaehyun, my little weirdo , has been waiting.”

Leehan scoffs. He waves goodbye to Riwoo, who walks out of the shop without waiting for Leehan to finish locking up the store, skipping to his magnificent boyfriend’s magnificent car with glee. Leehan tries not to look when Jaehyun revs the car really loud for no reason. 

It takes a while to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be. Eventually, Leehan steps outside and turns to lock the front door with his store key. Then, with a sigh, he makes his way to his own slightly less magnificent car. 

Before he can even put his key into the ignition, his phone starts buzzing from the console between the driver's and the passenger’s seat. He spares it a glance as he tries to settle down, but stops everything once he realizes it’s Taesan who’s calling. 

He picks up instantly.

“Taesan, hey,” he greets, out of breath for whatever reason. When Taesan doesn’t answer, Leehan’s smile falters, and concern washes over his senses. “Taesan? What’s going on?” he asks, his free hand moving to start up the car because God forbid Taesan needs immediate help. 

“Leeeeehan-ah…” draws out Taesan, voice melting on the other end. Leehan’s brows furrow instantly, but he huffs out something akin to a chuckle instead of asking what’s wrong. “I think… I think my nose is melting off. Or— Or something, I don’t know…” 

Leehan blinks, perplexed. He’s never seen or heard Taesan act like this, and he’s pretty sure the last time someone (read: Riwoo) told him that they felt like their nose was melting off, it was after a long night in the club.

… Just stay calm. Taesan is a grown adult. Surely he can handle his liquor.

“Is it?” Leehan’s sure a detour won’t hurt tonight. “Are you at home?” 

“W-where else would I be? I’m always…” Taesan’s words trail off into some nonsensical blabbering that Leehan can’t be bothered to decipher, as much as he loves Taesan. 

The engine powers up and Leehan’s on the main road within seconds, keeping an ear out for anything else Taesan has to say. The line is quiet for a while, which is quite the cause for concern, but Leehan knows Taesan well enough to trust that he isn’t lighting his house on fire. 

“ Leehan, ” calls out Taesan with determination. “Why do I feel… so weird…?” His question is followed by suspicious shuffling on the other end.

“I don’t know. Were you drinking?” It’s the only appropriate question to ask at this point. Leehan presses the gas a bit too hard for the zone he’s in and slows down when he doesn’t get an answer from Taesan. “Taesan?” 

“My aunt left me alone at home and she… Ugh, I don’t know, Leehan… She left drinks in the fridge because she’s just so, so mean and said she couldn’t care enough to leave food, so— So I got hungry because, you know, ‘cause I’m only— only human and…” 

“I see,” Leehan cuts Taesan off because he can tell the guy is just about ready to burst into tears. “Did you drink something in the fridge? Without checking the labels?” 

“Why would I check the labels?! ” snaps Taesan, though his brief anger is followed by a wobbly apology. “‘M sorry, Leehan. Didn’t mean to— to yell…” And then a sniffle follows that. Fuck.

“It’s okay, Taesan. I know you didn’t mean that.” 

Leehan can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips. He knows that Taesan is probably bewildered, seeing as it might just be the first time he’s drunk more than he can handle, but he’s so incredibly different from any other drunk person Leehan’s encountered. 

“I’m so alone, Leehan-ie…” mumbles Taesan. Leehan’s brows shoot up in question. “I want you… Want you to come over.”

If Leehan weren’t driving, he’d probably freeze. And thank God this road is straight and mostly empty at this time of night, because otherwise, he would have swerved and hit an unsuspecting pedestrian. 

He’s just drunk, he reminds himself. 

“Leehan?” Taesan’s voice comes out small. Leehan forgot he’s expected to respond to everything Taesan says right now. “Please, don’t leave me alone,” he begs. 

Something in his voice sounds raw. Like he’s really begging, like the words are coming from his soul as opposed to his tipsy mindset. Leehan can’t shake that observation off his skin. 

“I’m on my way, Taesan-ah. Just hold on.” He speeds up just a little. He assumes it won’t hurt to go just a bit over the limit, especially since the streets are dead right now. “And don’t drink anything unless it’s water.”

Taesan doesn’t answer on the other end, but he doesn’t move either. Leehan takes his defiance as a good thing—at least he’s not throwing a tantrum like Riwoo does when he gets drunk. 

“I miss you, Leehan-ah.” 

Leehan’s fingers grip the wheel tighter, and his foot presses against the gas just a bit harder. 

—

Leehan’s first concern is the fact that the door was unlocked when he arrived. He knows Taesan lives in a good neighborhood, but something about how vulnerable the guy is right now doesn’t sit right with him.

“Taesan?” Leehan calls out, slipping his shoes off. He doesn’t wait for an answer to begin looking through the house.

Walking through, he can see the discarded cans in the kitchen. Whatever Taesan had, it must be very strong, because Leehan can only see one open can. He doesn’t bother to pick it up and inspect it. 

The floorboards creak behind Leehan and he doesn’t get to turn around before he feels arms around him. He tries to hide his grin, hands moving up to hold Taesan’s shivering ones so he can face him properly. 

“Taesan,” he whispers, turning to look Taesan in the eyes. It’s quite hard to do so, since the other’s eyes are drooping with fatigue and darting everywhere with the unfamiliar feeling of being drunk. “Feeling a bit better?” 

“No,” says Taesan, quite bluntly so. He shoves his head into Leehan’s chest, arms still around Leehan’s torso. “The people in my brain aren’t working correctly,” he mutters into Leehan’s shirt. Leehan snorts. 

“The people in your brain?” He runs his hand through Taesan’s soft, raven-colored hair gently, careful not to tug at some of the tangled ends too harshly. Taesan hums, the feeling scattering through Leehan’s heart. “Did you drink any water?”

“You said not to drink anything.” 

“I said not to drink anything unless it’s water.” 

Leehan sighs and turns his head to locate the sink. Conveniently enough, there’s already a half-full glass right next to it, but Leehan’s been doing some research about still water recently, and he’s not one to take any chances. 

“I’ll get you some water, okay? Come, let me help you to the couch.” Leehan taps Taesan’s shoulder in a gentle, comforting rhythm. Taesan groans but lifts his head anyway, staying as close to Leehan as possible while still being able to see. “How many drinks did you have?”

“I could barely finish one. It tasted soooo bad, but my aunt never buys groceries and— and the nearest store is too far and the sun is already down and I don’t want to go out sideee …” 

Leehan’s brows furrow with concern immediately. He doesn’t urge Taesan to elaborate, but he’s growing increasingly worried about this so-called aunt that Taesan resides with. He hasn’t heard much about her, but whatever he has heard hasn’t been good. 

“I’ll buy you some stuff tomorrow after I get off work, okay?” Leehan can’t hide the wobble in his voice. Whether it’s from anger or concern or whatever he’s feeling right now, he doesn’t know. All he knows is that Taesan needs water or else he’s going to trip over his own feet and fall face-down on the floor. 

“No, no… Don’t do that… I don’t deserve that, you know that…” Taesan flops down onto the couch very roughly. Even Leehan winces at his fall before he realizes what Taesan’s said. 

“What?” he whispers, still processing. Once it renders in his head, Leehan is quick to refute. “No, Taesan, you do deserve that. You’re not going to be feeling any better tomorrow anyway, so I’ll help you.” His hands are firm on Taesan’s shoulders, making sure he’s still sitting up on the couch and listening to everything Leehan’s saying. 

“But— But that’s not fair.” Taesan looks up at Leehan with a guilty look, his bottom lip jutting out just the tiniest bit. It’s enough for Leehan’s heart to crack a little bit. “Why are you always helping me, Leehan?” The question is so genuine that it hurts. Leehan wonders if Taesan has been thinking this up the entire time they’ve known each other. 

“Because you deserve it. And because I want to help you.” Leehan speaks directly to Taesan, looking into his eyes. 

He doesn’t care if Taesan is drunk and won’t remember this in a couple of hours. He needs some form of Taesan’s consciousness to be aware that he’s cared for. 

Leehan isn’t going to stand Taesan up like so many people already have. He can’t let Taesan be hurt even more than he already is. 

And, just because he can’t start crying right here, Leehan adds, “If it really bothers you, repay me with lunch.” Comedic relief. He’s been told he’s good at that. 

Luckily, Taesan huffs out something that Leehan takes as a laugh. He leans his head on the back of the couch and closes his eyes, nodding at Leehan’s suggestion. 

Leehan lets out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding in and stands up straight, hands quivering just enough for him to register how nervous this whole encounter has made him. 

Taesan’s aunt, Taesan’s self-doubt, and everything about Taesan and his existence in general are driving Leehan straight into a wall of heartbreak and madness. 

But he’s not going to do anything to change it. If need be, he’ll crash right into that wall, pick up the scattered bricks one by one, and piece the wall back together just like he plans to piece Taesan’s heart together. 

—

Getting Taesan to lie down in his bed is one hell of a task. Leehan is sure that sober Taesan would be more than happy to lie down after a hectic day, but nothing could have prepared him for the absolute tantrum that drunk Taesan is throwing. 

“I don’t want to !” whines Taesan, flailing his arms around at Leehan, who’s trying to guide him to the bed. He steps back a bit, stumbling on his own feet.

“But you have to , Taesan-ah,” says Leehan, impressively calm. Taesan crosses his arms and glares at Leehan with a look that means no good, as if it’ll do something. 

As expected, it doesn’t. 

“You’re not my dad!” Taesan takes an extra step back to prove his point, legs wobbling underneath him before he can get himself balanced again. Leehan nearly laughs. 

“Well—” he cuts himself off before he can say something smart—maybe even too smart for the circumstance. Leehan hides his grin to the best of his ability and puts on what he believes is the most serious face he can muster up right now. “You’re going to thank me later. If you get into bed now, then you won’t wake up with a massive headache and your face in the carpet tomorrow morning.”

“And what if I want to do that?” Taesan scrunches his nose, challenging Leehan’s idea of peace and tranquility. 

Leehan purses his lips, out of ideas. He’s been trying for the past ten minutes, and he can only come up with so many bad endings for Taesan to mull over. He’s thought about letting Taesan doze off on the couch, but he knows that’ll leave the other with bad back pain tomorrow morning. 

So, he tries negotiating. “Trust me, Taesan, you don’t want to wake up with your face in the ground,” he begins, a tad bit of amusement in his voice from his recollection of the many occasions upon which Riwoo had done the same exact thing. 

“What would you know?” Taesan pouts, arms relaxing just a little bit. He looks at Leehan—from head to toe, might he add—and drops his arms entirely. “You’re just being mean right now!” 

The accusation is utterly unacceptable in Leehan’s eyes. 

“Mean? Me?” He lets out a laugh of disbelief, playing into Taesan’s drunk shenanigans just for the fun of it. “I’m not being mean. I’m trying to help you, Taesan-ah. You’re going to be in a lot of pain, yeah, but it’ll be a little bit better if you lie down in your beautiful, comfortable bed.” 

Taesan considers it. Leehan can nearly see the glittery cogwheels spinning in the guy’s head. His fingers spread out wide for a second as he deeply thinks about Leehan’s reasoning, and then they ball into a fist when he comes to his verdict.

“Fine,” he grumbles, shuffling over to the bed with tiny huffs of defeat. Leehan grins widely, proud of his negotiation skills. “But you’re going to leave me, then.” 

Leehan’s grin falters a bit. He can almost hear his heart ripping apart at the seams within the quiet that ensues after Taesan’s grievance is aired out into the world. 

Leehan thinks it over for a couple of seconds while Taesan makes himself comfortable under his duvet. Then, he lifts his hand and grabs onto Taesan’s free one, eyes searching the latter’s for something more. 

“Is that why you don’t want to go to bed?” he asks quietly. Taesan nods immediately as if he’s glad that Leehan finally understands him. 

“You’re going to go away again. And then I’m going to be alone in this scary house,” he mutters, eyes scanning the room as if he himself is unfamiliar with it. Leehan exhales softly. 

“I’m not gonna leave, silly.” He smiles just enough for Taesan to feel safe again, though he’s losing his mind internally. “Who else is going to take care of you when you’re throwing up tomorrow?” 

Taesan’s eyes widen comically. “I’m going to throw up tomorrow? Who told you that?” He lifts his duvet over his face as if he’s afraid of being perceived all of a sudden. 

“I just know. Riwoo’s done it a bunch, but maybe you’re going to break the chain.” Leehan winks and moves a bit off the bed so he can take off his hoodie, leaving him in just a simple graphic tee. “Here, I’ll lay down with you, okay?” 

“Okay,” whispers Taesan, eyes locked on Leehan’s moving frame. He watches his every movement with caution, as if Leehan will suddenly bolt out the door. “Who’s going to turn the light off?” His eyes snap to the light switch, which is right next to the door. Leehan hums. 

“I guess I will,” he mumbles, lifting himself from the bed for barely ten seconds. He flicks the thing off swiftly, returning to Taesan’s side like it’s his only duty—which it technically is. 

The room is now illuminated by a soft lamp, one that Leehan can turn off as soon as Taesan falls asleep. He lifts the duvet and climbs in, getting close to Taesan but not too close. He’ll wait for Taesan to do something. 

“Leehan,” says Taesan, eyes peeking at Leehan from where he lay on his side. From where Leehan is sitting, Taesan looks extremely cozy, all cuddled up on himself. 

“Yeah?” Leehan moves a stray strand of hair from Taesan’s face, tucking it just behind his ear. 

“Why are you so nice?” 

Leehan pauses for a moment, hand sitting awkwardly in the air. He balls his hand into a fist and puts it back in his lap, thinking over the question for a while. 

“I don’t know,” he finally mutters. “It’s just… the right thing to do. Being nice, I mean,” he adds. Taesan hums, partly agreeing, and partly just acknowledging that Leehan answered at all. 

“I don’t know why it happens, but…” 

Taesan picks at the end of the duvet nimbly, and his breathing slows down slightly. Leehan raises a brow when Taesan doesn’t continue his sentence, but doesn’t urge him to finish. 

“Sometimes, when I look at you, it feels like there’s something wrong with me. But not in a bad way— like, I don’t know.” Taesan backtracks a bit too fast for Leehan’s liking. 

Leehan isn’t one to force feelings out of people, but Taesan never lets his feelings out, period. Whatever Leehan gets out of him is precious to him. Leehan doesn’t want this to be something harsh enough to put their friendship on the line.  

“I just feel safe around you. But it’s not like when I’m with Woonhak, or– or with anyone else. You’re just… you. And you make me feel different, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, so that’s why I’m telling you.” 

Well, for one thing. Leehan has never heard Taesan speak for this long, uninterrupted by either himself or someone else. For another, Leehan is absolutely enthralled. 

“I make you feel safe?” he parrots, eyes drifting over to Taesan’s soft hands, now picking at a loose thread. Leehan cares about Taesan, but he also cares about the longevity of this duvet, so he covers Taesan’s hand gently to stop him from moving. “How… How do you feel about that? Do you like that I make you feel safe?” 

“Yeah,” breathes out Taesan, hand dropping to the bed. Leehan’s hand follows his, now covering it solely for the sake of being there. “But I’m scared,” confesses Taesan. Leehan frowns. 

“Scared?” He looks at Taesan’s face, but the other is staring at seemingly nothing. “Why’s that?” He rubs his thumb against the soft skin of Taesan’s hand, the touch becoming increasingly slower with every second that Taesan doesn’t reply. 

“You’ll leave,” uttered Taesan, voice impossibly fragile and low. “Like everyone else.”

Leehan’s thumb stops moving. Not because he’s secretly judging Taesan or considering what he’s saying like it’s an option, but because he’s heartbroken by the fact that Taesan would ever think of something like that in the first place. 

Heartbroken by the idea that Taesan has been dwelling on a nonexistent ending when their story has hardly even begun. 

He realizes Taesan might take his silence the wrong way only a whole minute later. Carefully, he shoots back, “Who told you that?” All the while trying to hide the waver in his voice. 

“I convinced myself.” 

“Unconvince yourself, then.” 

Leehan shuffles about for a few moments, sliding himself full underneath the covers. He turns so he’s facing Taesan, whose eyes have been locked on his and Leehan’s unmoving hands for God knows how long. Leehan sighs, albeit with a smile. 

“I’m not going to leave, Taesan-ah. Whatever other people have told you or whatever you have told yourself doesn’t matter now.” He intertwines his fingers with Taesan’s, squeezing their hands to make sure the ravenette’s still with him. “ I’m telling you that I’m staying with you.”

Taesan breathes out shakily, and his eyes move from the curves in the duvet to Leehan’s hopeful eyes. He doesn’t really say anything, at least not for a good minute, but his eyes tell a tale that only Leehan is allowed to hear. 

“I’ll kill you if you’re lying to me,” he whispers all of a sudden. Leehan is quite taken aback, but it’s a good enough answer for him to chuckle heartily with moon-shaped eyes. 

“I highly doubt that, but I won’t underestimate you.” 

Taesan doesn’t reply smartly like Leehan thinks he will. Instead, he lifts his head just a bit off of his pillow and looks— really looks—at Leehan’s face. He scans his eyes, counts every lash, and probably glosses over any blemishes or flaws that Leehan himself would have to look hard to find as though they’re nothing. 

Then, he mutters, “I think I get it,” all the while holding eye contact with Leehan. 

Leehan quirks a curious brow. He can feel Taesan’s hand shift under his, lightly tapping at the covered mattress with a rush of realization or epiphany. 

“What is it?” he asks, growing more and more inquisitive by the second. A smile tugs at the corners of Taesan’s lips, and Leehan’s just hoping it’s not something inherently evil. 

“Some fish—” Taesan fully moves his hand away from Leehan’s—not because he’s uncomfortable with the touch all of a sudden, but because he needs his whole body to explain this concept to Leehan, who probably knows it just as well as he does. “Some of them, when they find their partner, always stick together. They swim side by side, and they feel anxious when they’re apart.”

Leehan’s heard this before. He learned all about it when he read one of his first-ever books about fish—a fish encyclopedia, or maybe just a blurb online. Whatever it was, he remembers passing it down to Taesan. 

He beams at the thought that Taesan sat down and sincerely studied the excerpt about fish. He nods his head along to Taesan’s informative rant as if he hasn’t had it memorized for the past couple of years—he knows Taesan has a point to make, and whatever that point is, it must be hard for him to actually say . 

Hence, this preface. 

“You showed me that thing— the, uh, the encyclopedia about fishies or whatever. I read a lot of it every night before bed, and I read a section that said that fish show decreased reproduction or even stop reproducing entirely when they’re away from their partner. That’s like— like, if I were away from you, I wouldn’t be able to function. And that’s—” 

Taesan stops himself for a moment just to take a breath and look at Leehan. To make sure he’s really paying attention, which he most certainly is. Not just because the conversation is about fish, but because it’s Taesan who’s talking about them. 

“That’s how I feel when I’m without you. I feel scared and useless. But when you’re here, I—” Taesan breaks eye contact, looking down at Leehan’s lap with a small smile. “I just feel okay. It’s like I’m not drowning anymore. And I’m just floating above the surface calmly.” 

Leehan’s smile is so bright and wide that he can barely even put words to Taesan’s explanation. It’s so, just, everything . It’s perfect. It’s everything Leehan could have ever wanted and more . 

“I like you, Leehan-ah,” murmurs Taesan. He lifts his gaze slowly, meeting Leehan’s eye again, and repeats the words with more confidence: “I really do like you.” 

“I like you too, Taesan-ah.” 

Leehan lifts his hand and runs his fingers through Taesan’s hair from where he’s lying down, successfully bringing the other back down next to him. Taesan grins. It’s a little lopsided from how tired he is, but it’s a grin nonetheless. 

“Tired?” Leehan continues running his hand through Taesan’s—now detangled—hair smoothly, twirling some of the ends around his finger when he feels like it. Taesan doesn’t answer Leehan’s question, but the way his blinking slows down and his breathing follows suit is answer enough for the shopkeeper. 

A couple of minutes pass. The silence is occasionally broken by a dog barking outside or the faint, natural buzz of a soft spring night. Leehan finds himself drifting off next to Taesan amid the quiet, but he’s brought back to the surface of reality when Taesan whispers something into his ear. 

“By the way,” he starts, voice dripping with fatigue. “I’ve never kissed anyone before. You can, but just let me know.” Right after that, Taesan slumps over, intruding Leehan’s personal but not-so-personal-anymore space, and falls fast asleep.

God. 

Leehan could die right here and be okay with it. 

So long as he’s by Taesan’s side.

Chapter Text

Taesan really wasn’t kidding when he said his aunt never keeps the fridge stocked. 

So far, Leehan’s managed to whip up a little nutritious breakfast for the two of them, but it was really challenging to try and come up with a full meal when there were only five items total in the fridge—one of them being a box of beer that Taesan had drunk last night. 

But Leehan isn’t the type of man to give up at an impasse as insignificant as this. So what if there are only two eggs, half an avocado, and the butts of a bread loaf left in the fridge? That’s already enough food to keep someone of Riwoo’s size running.

But Taesan and Leehan aren’t exactly fun-sized humans, so the latter had to think outside of the box. Or, more literally, outside of the fridge. 

It didn’t take him too long to find a bag of dried chickpeas in one of the unsuspecting cabinets. He himself isn’t the biggest fan of chickpeas, and he’s not sure if Taesan is either, but the guy will need whatever he can get if he wants to be able to walk on two feet by this afternoon. 

With a proud sigh, Leehan steps back from the table and stares at their plates, side-by-side and all aesthetic-looking. He didn’t intend on making a whole masterpiece out of their first meal of the day, but it’s Taesan he’s cooking for. He had to put a little more flair.

As if Taesan has an alarm in his bed that rings whenever breakfast is ready, his lanky but horribly slouched-over frame makes itself visible in the corridor. Leehan looks up and catches his eye, shooting him an apologetic grin when he sees how ruffled his hair is. 

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he greets, walking over immediately. He knows very well that Taesan probably isn’t processing anything in front of him because he’s got a massive headache, so he guides him to the table carefully. “Headache?” he asks, just to be sure. 

Taesan hums instead of speaking, barely nodding. His head is heavy with the weight of a hangover, so Leehan doesn’t hold it against him and instead sits down next to him. He pushes the already full glass of water he’d set down a couple of minutes ago toward Taesan, nodding his head to wordlessly tell him to drink it. 

Taesan takes a hesitant sip out of the glass. His eyes are droopy, probably lingering on the slumber he’d just been rudely torn out of. Leehan chuckles at the look on his face and digs into his own food. 

They eat in silence. Taesan gags occasionally, to which Leehan pats his back encouragingly and reminds him that he doesn’t have to finish all the food. Nonetheless, Taesan shakes his head and chows it all down like the champion he is and then makes a run for the bathroom. 

Leehan finishes his food with the peaceful sound of the morning birds and Taesan’s violent retching filling the house. He gulps down the last of his water and exhales, satisfied with his meal. Then, he looks over at Taesan’s plate and huffs out a laugh. 

Taesan somehow managed to eat everything but the crust of the avocado toast. And he left the slightly burnt and crispy edges of the edge, too. Leehan’s not surprised, but he definitely adores Taesan ten times more now. 

Noted, he says to himself, smiling at the thought of Taesan pulling off the burnt edges with a pout on his face. He stands and grabs both of their plates and brings them to the sink before beelining to the bathroom with practiced ease. 

The door is wide open when he gets there, and he sees Taesan kneeling next to the toilet when he peeks in. He tries to hide his amused grin and puts on a concerned face instead. 

“All good?” He walks in and takes note of how impressively clean the bathroom is despite Taesan regurgitating his stomach contents in it no less than thirty seconds ago. Taesan nods at the question, covering his mouth with his sleeve-covered hand. 

“I probably just threw up the meal you worked so hard to make,” groans Taesan, words muffled by his sweater sleeve. Leehan’s not bothered by the other throwing up his food—he can delude himself because he’ll never know if it’s due to his cooking skills or Taesan’s hangover. 

“That’s fine,” hums Leehan, stepping forward and crouching down to get on eye-level with Taesan. “I was expecting that to happen.” He brushes Taesan’s hair out of his face, his bangs slightly sweaty with the sudden rush of vomiting. 

Taesan opens his eyes and lets his gaze drift to Leehan’s patient face for a second. Then, as if everything from last night is rushing back to him just this instant, his eyes widen. Leehan almost expects an explanation or, since he knows Taesan so well, even an unnecessary apology, but what he gets is everything except that. 

“Work. Don’t you have work today?” Taesan’s hand goes down to his lap, and Leehan relaxes with the knowledge that that’s all he wanted to say. He nods quietly, but doesn’t move or rush like Taesan’s probably expecting. “...I do too,” whispers the other, eyes drifting to the floor behind Leehan. 

“You’re not going anywhere until your hangover is over,” orders Leehan strictly. His hand goes up and gently grabs Taesan’s chin to make him look in his eyes, and he says, “And neither am I.”

Taesan’s brows furrow with a mix of concern and disapproval. He opens his mouth to contest, but Leehan shakes his head, shutting him down in an instant. Taesan doesn’t complain because he suddenly feels another wave of nausea hit him, and he’s hunched over the toilet bowl faster than he can say “regret.” 

—

me

yo

yo

yoyoyoyoyo

 

elf

WHAT

 

me

not comin today

 

elf

Hoe

what

 

me

taesan is hungover

don’t ask 

 

elf

Ok

wait What

 

me

think you can man the store alone or do i have to bring a constantly nauseous taesan to work with me

 

elf

DO NOT

as much as i would love to laugh at him i think i’d rather not be on edge for my whole shift

 

me

it’s ok

our store is nugu

barely anyone comes

 

elf

ok explain the fucking stampede outside the door rn 

 

me

Wut

 

elf

Wut

 

me

your problem now

good luck

bastard

 

elf

How does Taesan even like you

i would kill you 

 

me

yeah well that makes two of us

 

elf

Dude you can talk to me 

 

me

joking

 

elf

Oh

You’re not usually funny So

 

me

ok go shove a stick up ur ass

 

elf

only if you shove one up urs first

“Leehan?” 

Taesan peeks his head through the doorframe, eyes curious. It’s been an hour since the whole vomiting fiasco—Leehan exiled Taesan to the couch so he could be closer to the bathroom if he needed to throw up, while he sat in the latter’s room, convincing Riwoo to complete their shared shift alone. 

“Yeah?” Leehan locks his phone screen instantly, letting the handheld device drop to his stomach with disregard. 

“What did Riwoo say?” Taesan steps into the room cautiously. It’s almost as if he believes Riwoo’s response will do anything to sway Leehan’s decision. 

“Doesn’t matter what he said.” Leehan grins and moves over to the side to make space for Taesan to lie down next to him. “I’m not leaving either way,” he declares. Taesan sticks out his tongue to avoid responding, but nothing can hide how red his face gets from the words. 

Taesan settles down next to Leehan, and they sit in silence for a bit, enjoying each other’s company without talking about it. Then, a couple of minutes later, Taesan turns on his side and looks at Leehan like he’s about to break some horrifying news. 

“I remember what I said last night,” he says. His voice is low, as if what he’d said was inherently bad in a way. Leehan nods and waits for him to continue. “I’m not gonna take it back, so…” he trails off, gaze fluttering away from Leehan’s face out of fear of rejection. 

“Have you been holding that back? How you feel, I mean,” asks Leehan, eyes locked on Taesan’s calm face. He’s glad Taesan doesn’t regret what he said, and he’s even more glad that he feels safe enough to talk about it so soon. 

“No.” Taesan shakes his head lightly. He picks at the hem of Leehan’s hoodie with his fingers gently, probably still nervous despite not regretting a thing. “Just… never found the time. The right time,” he clarifies.

Leehan hums in agreement, watching Taesan’s fingers move nimbly as if one wrong move will hurt either of them in a way. He tries thinking of what to say to express his own feelings, since he assumes Taesan doesn’t remember that bit based on how he’s acting now. 

“How would you feel if I said I feel the same way?” 

Taesan’s fingers stop moving for a split second. Then, as if he’s comfortable with what Leehan’s asked, they start picking again. He shifts slightly closer to Leehan, basically answering without saying a single word. 

“Happy.” He shrugs with one shoulder. Leehan agrees with the unspoken sentiment that his question probably isn’t as out-there as it could have been. “...Do you?” Taesan’s eyes flicker up to Leehan, a universe of hopeful stars hidden within his irises. 

“Of course, I do.” Leehan chuckles at the way Taesan’s eyes light up impossibly brighter with his affirmation. The ravenette sits up then, hands moving to grab Leehan’s idle ones with unshakable excitement. 

“You do? Really?” 

“Really. I’ll say it as many times as you want.” Leehan grins. The playfulness is a non-negotiable byproduct of his presence, so he hopes Taesan will be able to deal with his non-stop teasing starting from now. “Though, if you keep smiling like that, I think I’ll fall even harder,” he jokes. 

“Hey!” Taesan smacks Leehan’s hand with minimal force, embarrassment overtaking his expression. His already joyful face is now pink thanks to Leehan. “You can’t say things like that,” he mutters, smile tugging at his lips despite himself. 

“You’re not letting go of my hand even though you’re embarrassed,” Leehan points out, lifting up the one hand that Taesan never let go of. “I think that means you like me, or something,” he feigns oblivion, successfully annoying Taesan and flustering him all at once. 

“You’re making my head hurt more than it already is,” whines Taesan, his free hand fluttering next to him with happiness. Leehan notices and laughs heartily, squeezing their interlocked hands for good measure. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he apologizes, though Taesan isn’t sure if he really is sorry. “But I really do mean it. I like you too. I actually said it last night, but…” he pauses and lets his eyes gloss over Taesan’s expectant features for a few seconds before continuing, “I guess you don’t remember that part.” 

Taesan gapes at the news, and Leehan just purses his lips and nods like he can’t believe it either. Then, when Taesan smiles that gorgeous smile of his, Leehan cracks up and starts laughing. 

“Hey, nothing’s funny!” groans Taesan, tugging at his hand to try and free it from Leehan’s iron grip. Leehan doesn’t let him escape, even daring to pull him in closer. 

“You’re right,” wheezes Leehan, calming down from his Taesan-induced high. “You’re just so cute. You’re like a cat—you could probably get away with anything because you’re so gorgeous.” 

“That doesn’t even make any sense!” exclaims Taesan, giving up and collapsing onto Leehan’s chest. Leehan wraps an arm around him and holds him close, laughter still bubbling within his chest. 

“You get my point,” he whispers, finally letting go of Taesan’s hand just so they don’t have to be in an awkward position. “I’m guessing you don’t remember the very scandalous thing you said last night, either.” 

“There’s more ?” Taesan lifts his head for barely a second before he groans and drops it again, wailing into Leehan’s chest playfully. Leehan holds back his laughter because he doesn’t want Taesan to feel too humiliated. 

“There’s never an end with you,” mumbles Leehan. His soft grousing hits Taesan, and he peeks up for an elaboration. “You said that, as long as I let you know beforehand, I can kiss you.” 

Taesan gasps. If he had any, he’d be clutching his pearls right now. He appears almost judgmental of his own mouth and what it’s capable of saying. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” laughs Leehan, his act of nonchalance breaking down immediately. “You’re quite promiscuous when you’re drunk,” he teases, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I’d rather you call me a whore, Leehan,” scoffs Taesan. Leehan almost howls with laughter. 

“That’s the first curse word I’ve ever heard leave your mouth.” Needless to say, Leehan is proud of the person he’s turned Taesan into. This is, without a doubt, the result of his and Riwoo’s plotting. 

“Whatever.” Taesan rolls his eyes, oddly bold for a hungover college student. “Kiss me,” he orders all of a sudden. The request makes Leehan choke on thin air. 

“W-what?” wheezes Leehan through desperate gasps. He covers his mouth with the back of his hand and looks at Taesan incredulously. When he finally regains his breath, he jokes,  “What did that beer do to your shy personality?” 

Taesan shrugs with a knowing grin. Leehan huffs out a disbelieving laugh, but complies anyway. 

“You sure?” he asks, leaning in just the tiniest bit. Taesan nods and closes the gap between them impatiently. 

Taesan’s lips feel just as soft as they (usually) look from the outside. Though his lips are chapped, they feel like heaven, and Leehan’s not sure how he’ll ever be able to pull away in the near future if they choose to continue with this. 

The kiss is clumsy. Their movements are a bit uncoordinated, given it’s probably Taesan’s first, and no less for Leehan. And, though it is a bit messy, it’s perfectly messy. Perfectly theirs. 

They pull away after a short while, their only grievance being the lack of air. Taesan doesn’t give Leehan any time to admire his saliva-coated lips or his red cheeks because as soon as they part, he shoves his face into the crook of Leehan’s neck, clearly shy again. 

“Guess the confidence beer wore off?” fusses Leehan, licking his own lips to savor the last bit of the contact. Taesan lets out a strangled noise, something caught between a whine and a laugh.

“You’re horrible,” mutters Taesan. The feeling of his voice against Leehan’s skin sends shivers down the latter’s spine, but he loves the sensation regardless. The closeness, the safety. 

The love. 

“I know I am,” admits Leehan, running his fingers through Taesan’s hair once more. Regardless of what the discussion is about or where they are or what they’re doing, Leehan’s fingers always find their way to Taesan’s dark locks. It’s as if they’re meant to be there. Meant to be comforting him at all times. 

And, in a way, Leehan believes that’s true. He knows that Taesan trusts him, and he’ll do everything in his power to make sure that doesn’t change.

Because Taesan is his Taesan after all. There’ll never be another one quite like him. 

So Leehan is going to hold onto this one with all he’s got.