Chapter Text
Pepper opened her eyes with a gasp.
She pushed herself slowly up. She was laying on a couch, her legs elevated on a pillow and her belt loosened where it was normally cinched tight around her waist. She looked around. To her left, windows let in light. She could see out onto a stone patio, the ocean glistening in the sun just beyond it.
Tony’s Malibu mansion.
“Pep?” Tony’s voice caught her attention and she looked to her right to see Tony a few feet away, eyes wide with worry.
Emotion knotted in her throat. Tony.
“Tony?” the words came out a little raspier than planned. “Did I fall asleep?” her memories of before were vague, unclear. Doctor Strange had told her the immediate memories would return to her slowly. For now, all she remembered was Doctor Strange standing in front of her, expression desolate.
“Be careful, Mrs Stark.”
Pepper had laughed, though it was hardly funny. Unlike Tony, she had never needed that reminder. “I always am.”
Tony shook his head. “No, Pep. You collapsed. JARVIS called me up. You’ve been out for a few minutes. I called 911, they should be here soon.”
911. Tony had called 911. Pepper raised an eyebrow. “Is that what we do when we collapse?” she asked dryly. “I could have sworn we pretend it hadn’t happened and continue on with our lives.”
She slid her legs slowly off the couch. She pressed her hands to the edge of the couch and pushed up as she tried to stand.
Tony was there immediately, catching her when she swayed.
Pepper allowed herself to lean into him, swallowing back another bout of emotion. Tony. His hand was warm against her skin where his hand clasped her arm gently. She could feel the pressure of his other hand on the small of her back.
“No, that’s what I do,” Tony said. “You, Pepper Potts, are entirely too responsible for something like that.”
Pepper found herself smiling. “True.”
“All right, back on the couch,” Tony ordered. He helped her sit back down. His hands fluttered around her for a moment, before he withdrew. “All right, Miss Potts. How much have you been overworking?”
Pepper’s heart twisted. She hadn’t been Miss Potts in fifteen years. Had proudly carried the name of Stark.
“Unlike you, Mr. Stark. I take perfect care of myself.”
Tony raised an eyebrow at that. “Do remember that I just found you collapsed on the ground.”
Pepper shrugged. “It’s possible I forgot to eat breakfast this morning.”
Tony clicked his tongue in concern. “You shouldn’t do that Pepper. You work yourself too hard to be forgetting meals.”
Pepper’s lip twitched up in amusement. God, he was adorable when he was earnest. “It happens, Tony. Though, I could really use a glass of water.”
Tony jumped into action immediately, moving to the kitchen and grabbing a clean cup. He filled it with water from the refrigerator before bringing it back to her.
She sipped at it gratefully. Her mouth was parched, and the water was soothing against her throat.
Tony sat on the couch next to her, watching her carefully.
“Tony, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like I’m about to collapse.”
“Yeah, well, you did collapse. You were out for a good five minutes. I think I’m right to be concerned.”
Pepper leaned her weight against him, his warmth seeping through her thin blouse to warm her. He froze for a moment, but then slowly wrapped an arm around her waist.
She sipped at her water, before putting it down on the table just by the couch next to her blackberry.
They were silent for a few minutes before the doorbell rang. Tony pulled away from her, moving to the front door and opening it to show to EMTs just outside the door.
Pepper sighed at the sight.
Tony let them in.
Pepper sighed. Oh, this would be a pain. She used the distraction, though. She reached for her blackberry where it rested on the table next to the couch and surreptitiously picked it up. She pressed a button and glanced at the date quickly. September 28, 2009. They’d been off by just over a year. She had meant to arrive in 2008, when Tony had started his work as Iron Man.
Doctor Strange had warned her that the spell was imprecise, that there was no guarantee on the timing. That there was no guarantee she would arrive at all.
She’d thought it worth the risk.
It wasn’t as though she’d have survived long regardless. Death had been a certainty, in that distant future.
The EMTs came in quickly, pulling her from her thoughts. Pepper let them go through their questions, allowing them to check her blood pressure, take her blood sugar, and look her over for injury. She was unsurprised when they found nothing. “You may want to get checked out at the hos—”
Pepper interrupted. “No, thank you.”
“Pep, Pepper. You collapsed.” Tony’s brow furrowed with concern. “You should—”
“You, Tony Stark, are not allowed to talk,” Pepper informed him. “I have had to fight you tooth and nail to go to the doctors, and I’ve failed more often than I’ve succeeded. I’m sure that whatever happened was a one off. If it happens again, I’ll get myself checked out. As it is, I’m not concerned.”
Tony pursed his lips. “I don’t suppose you’ll let me pull the ‘I’m technically your boss’ card?” he asked.
Pepper snorted. “Absolutely not.” She turned to the EMTs. “Thank you, gentlemen.”
“Of course.” The lead EMT nodded his head at her and the two left.
Tony still didn’t look pleased. “I can take you to the hospital,” he said. “Really, Pep.”
“No, Tony.” She examined him. The furrow in his brow hadn’t disappeared. “But I would appreciate some food, if we have some.”
Tony jumped into motion, moving to the kitchen.
Pepper watched him. He was so… young.
She closed her eyes and tried to breathe through the emotions in her chest. God, he was so young. So alive.
It’d been 24 years since she’d been here. 25 years since Tony had declared himself Iron Man to the world. 10 years since Tony had died in that role, and Pepper had promised that they’d be all right.
It had been an easier promise to give than to keep. The world had fallen apart. For a decade they’d struggled along, but the hits came faster and harder and then they were facing the end of the world again. And there was no salvation. No one in 14 million shot. There was no hope.
Doctor Strange’s words echoed in her mind. Mrs. Stark, you understand… you understand that you do not have to do this. You will have to face it all again. And there is no guarantee that you will make it through all of it. That he will. That any of us will.”
Pepper had looked him in the eye. “Is there anyone better placed to do this than I am?” she asked. “You say that the world cannot fall to Thanos. That that was the first domino to fall. The beginning of the end.” If Thanos had not come, then Vision would not have died. If Vision hadn’t died, then Maximoff wouldn’t have weakened the threads of reality around their universe. If Maximoff hadn’t weakened those threads, the incursion would never have happened. If the incursion had never happened… well, the list went on. “You said that Tony… That Tony was our best bet when the time came to face Thanos. That if we’d won then… I was by his side for all those years.” She had closed her eyes, hiding the sting of tears. “I’ve lost everyone, Doctor Strange. My husband is dead, my daughter… The world is falling apart. I’m going to put it back together.”
The spell had hurt. It had felt like being ripped apart and sewn back together with a million rusty needles. It had made Extremis feel like nothing.
She supposed it wasn’t a surprise that she’d collapsed.
And now…
Pepper felt so young. She’d been nearing sixty when she’d been sent back, and now she was only 36, still very much in her prime.
Tony appeared back in front of her. Plate of food in hand. “Leftovers,” he admitted as he handed her the plate of Thai. “Give me a little longer and I can make you something fresh. But I thought we should get you started on real food sooner rather than later.”
Pepper took the plate. “Thank you, Tony.”
“Anything for you, Pepper.”
The words were so startlingly earnest. She looked away from Tony and down at the plate of pad thai. She settled the plate on her knees and took a careful bite. Tony sat next to her again. Hovering.
He’d never been very good when someone else was hurt.
Honestly, it served him right. He’d certainly put her through enough worry, even if she only considered what he’d been through to this point.
Of course at this point…
She remembered a future where Tony told her everything. Their marriage hadn’t been perfect. But, god, had they tried. Five years. They hadn’t been easy. In the aftermath of the snap, it was impossible for anything to be easy, but they had been good.
Tony now… Tony hadn’t learned to share his burdens. Hadn’t learned to let people care for him.
“Speaking of doctors,” Pepper said quietly. “Have you seen one?”
Tony froze. “Not sure why I’d see a doctor.” His tone was light and easy. If she didn’t know better, she might have believed it to be genuine nonchalance. He pulled away from her, standing up. “But, looks like you’re doing better. I should get back—”
“Tony.” She kept her voice quiet. “Please don’t walk away from me.”
Tony stopped. His shoulders went tight and stiff, and he didn’t turn back to look at her. But he stopped. Pepper’s heart twisted. There were a lot of things to say about Tony Stark. But he had never been the one to leave first. No, that particular honor had always gone to Pepper.
Though heavens knew that sometimes he’d pushed her to it.
Not this time, though. She was early enough in the timeline that Tony’s most palladium-inspired, self-destructive habits hadn’t come into play yet.
She wouldn’t let them work now, regardless, but she was grateful not to have to maneuver her way through them.
“Tony, look at me, please.”
Tony huffed. He turned towards her.
She was entirely unsurprised to see his ‘nothing’s wrong here’, expression on his face with a touch of ‘you’re overreacting’. “What’s up, Pep?”
She watched him for a long moment. She set her plate onto the table. Slowly, she stood, moving closer.
Tony stiffened a little further, but didn’t move back. Pepper brought her hands up to Tony’s shirt. He was wearing a button up shirt, the arc reactor glowed slightly beneath the dark blue fabric. He must have actually been to a meeting today, not that Pepper remembered. Yet. Doctor Strange had said that it would come back to her, eventually as she established herself in the timeline.
She brought her hands up to the top button and carefully unbuttoned it.
“Pep,” Tony tried half-heartedly. “Finally going after the boss. I thought that was beneath you.”
She ignored him, slowly unbuttoning the next button. She hesitated before the third, giving Tony every opportunity to tell her to stop.
Tony seemed to have given in to the inevitable, however.
The gray veins appeared after the third button. She swallowed roughly. She’d never actually seen it. Tony had been healing by the time she’d learned he’d ever been sick at all, and he hadn’t let her see the aftermath of it.
He’d never been very good about showing vulnerability.
The gray became more defined as she got further down. The skin around the arc reactor looked almost dead.
She wanted to be sick.
God, Tony.
She’d tried, over the years, to forget this period of their history. It’d been ugly. Tony’s recklessness, her own frustration, the sickening knowledge that she’d left him to die alone, even if she hadn’t known that at the time. They’d never truly spoken about it.
Maybe they should have.
She stopped unbuttoning the shirt as the arc reactor was exposed in its full glory. “Tony,” she said quietly. “Have you seen a doctor?”
Tony ran a hand over his face. “I did, actually. He ended the session by asking if I’d be interested in donating my body to science, once it was all over.” Tony’s smile was weak. “You know me and science, not even death is going to stop me from making life changing contributions.”
Pepper pursed her lips. “There are no options?”
Tony sighed. “None.” He examined her. “How did you know?”
Pepper shrugged. She didn’t have a good answer for that, not really. But she’d always been excellent at thinking on her feet. “You’ve been drinking chlorophyll.” That had started early. “I looked into it. It can be used to detox from heavy metals, though there are better options available.” But that would require working with a doctor. “And you’ll remember I replaced your reactor myself. I know just how invasive it is. I might not know what actually runs it, but I can make some educated guesses that it doesn’t mesh well with human biology.”
Tony frowned. “I admit, I didn’t think you’d put it together.”
Pepper laughed. She hadn’t. She hadn’t seen it at all. She’d take the advantage that time travel gave her, though. “Were you ever going to tell me?” she asked.
Tony looked away. She’d already known the answer. She wasn’t surprised that he’d known even this early that he would choose to die alone.
For a genius, he’d always been a little bit of an idiot.
“You’re all I have,” she said quietly. “That’s what I told you.” She still remembered it. That day in Tony’s lab when he’d asked her to go into his offices to find the information on Stane.
Tony’s smile was a little sad. “You deserve more. I should give you more vacation time. Make sure you take those weekends the way you’re supposed to. Maybe—”
“Tony,” Pepper interrupted. “We’re going to find a way to save you.”
“Pep, there is no way.”
She met his gaze firmly. “I refuse to believe that, Tony.” She shook her head, ignoring the slight lightheadedness that came with the movement. “No. I refuse to believe that.” She tilted her jaw defiantly. “And I refuse to let you believe it, either.”
Tony looked almost pitying.
When had he accepted that he was going to die? When had he given up?
Well, not on her watch. She wasn’t sure how she was going to help him discover Starkium, she hadn’t had enough time to think that through. God, there was so much she had to think through.
Tony sighed. “How about you sit back down and eat your pad thai. I’ll make you some more food, just in case. And we’ll talk about this once you’re feeling better.”
Pepper didn’t exactly want to drop the subject this soon, but she had just over half a year to save him, still. She’d take it.
She let Tony lead her back to the couch and hand her her plate.
She took a bite. She hummed at the taste, nutty with a sweet sauce coating the noodles.
Tony moved back to the kitchen, buttoning his shirt back up as he went.
She focused on her food, Tony banging around in the kitchen a comforting background noise.
There hadn’t been much time between the idea to send someone’s soul back in time, choosing her, and the actual spell. Pepper hadn’t been a fan of moving without a plan, but that had simply been the circumstances they had. Which meant she had to plan now.
A question loomed heavy in her mind. Should she tell Tony?
It was… not as easy an answer as she wanted it to be. Tony would believe her, she didn’t doubt that. It didn’t matter if it sounded entirely impossible, if Pepper said it was true, he’d believe her.
But…
She couldn’t tell him this early. That was almost too much time. Especially this Tony who had still been learning caution.
Memories of Ultron made her shiver. She hadn’t been around for the actual encounter, but she’d seen the aftermath, both on a global scale and on how it had affected Tony. They’d been broken up at the time. Had broken up shortly before Ultron and hadn’t gotten back together until after the poorly-named Civil War. But they’d still been friends.
No, Tony couldn’t know this early.
Was she betraying him, though? By not telling him? Especially when she fully planned to… to use him. To use him to save the world?
The thought left her uneasy. But Pepper… she’d always been practical. She’d learned to sideline her feelings to do what needed to be done.
And the thing was, Tony, her Tony, would understand.
She looked back up at Tony who was standing at the stove frowning down at the not-yet boiling pot of water he’d placed there.
She loved him.
She’d always love him.
He was her best friend. Maybe even her soulmate.
She’d been his widow for ten years, twice the length she’d been his wife. She’d raised their child, mostly alone. And god, Morgan had been beautiful and bright and vivacious. Losing her…
Pepper shook the thought away. No.
That…
That wasn’t.
She breathed, focused down on her food again, pulled her thoughts firmly back to the now and the choices she needed to make.
Tony.
Things were never going to be the same between them. Because Pepper couldn’t tell him. Not yet. And she… she couldn’t, just couldn’t, enter a relationship with him under false premises.
She closed her eyes. She didn’t know when the truth would come out. If it ever would. She didn’t know if she’d ever had what she’d once had.
The ache seemed to take up root in her bones.
James had once told her that she wore her grief well. It had felt almost taunting, then. Though she knew he hadn’t meant it that way.
But she could feel herself pulling the grief over her again, like a well-worn jacket.
First things first, she was going to save Tony’s life. Preferably sooner rather than later. She wasn’t going to wait until the final moment to step in. Not like SHIELD had.
Now, where were the plans for that ’74 Stark Industries Expo?
Pepper blinked in surprise at the woman sitting peacefully on her couch when she got home. She took her in carefully. Pale skin, ancient eyes, yellow robes. “You must be the Ancient One,” Pepper said. “Doctor Strange didn’t tell me much, but he mentioned you might make a visit.”
The Ancient One arched a single eyebrow. “I had wondered,” she said. “Who would be so bold as to mess with the strands of time. Somehow I find myself unsurprised. I can only hope he had a worthy reason for it.”
Pepper set her bag to the side, hung up her jacket, and slid her high heels off. Visitor or not, this was her home; she had no intention of being uncomfortable here. She moved to the living room and took a seat on the loveseat across from the Ancient One. She held in a groan of relief at getting off her feet.
“The universe has a very interesting few years ahead of it,” she said, focusing on the implied question. “Perhaps a little too interesting.”
The Ancient One watched her. “You are an unexpected choice, Miss Potts.”
“Most of the best choices were already dead,” Pepper acknowledged. “Some for quite some time, by that point. And Doctor Strange was unable to perform the spell on himself.” Wong might have been able to do it, but his death had been a catalyst for the choice they’d made.
There were certain expectations of the type of person who would travel back in time. Pepper was well aware that she didn’t fit those expectations.
“I see,” the Ancient One said. Her gaze was heavy as she took Pepper in. Pepper met her gaze evenly. “What is your goal, Miss Potts?”
Pepper let out a thoughtful hum. “I’m not here to save the world. That’s not the role I’m meant to play.” At least not in a more super heroic fashion. There were other ways to save the world, and she was far better equipped for those. “But Tony is. I’m going to help him get there.”
“And will you tell him the truth?”
Pepper looked away. Guilt twisted low in her stomach. But she’d already made that choice. “No,” she said quietly. “Tony realized in 2012 that the danger was out there. He’ll realize again. I’m here to help him when that happens.” It still made her feel uneasy, this sense that she would be manipulating Tony.
Tony had carried the weight of the universe on his shoulders for over a decade, though. Had been Atlas and Cassandra in one.
Tony… he wasn’t ready to know.
Pepper wasn’t ready to tell him.
Pepper would have to live with the consequences of what that did to her.
The Ancient One nodded, the movement small and self-contained.
“You walk a dangerous path, Miss Potts.”
For a second time, the loss of Mrs. Stark weighed on her. It had been a part of her identity for fifteen years. The dissonance would fade, she was sure. But… it would take time. “I am well aware,” Pepper said quietly. “But I’ve seen what awaits this world. I don’t plan to fail.”
There were very few things in life that she’d truly failed at. No, Pepper had made a habit of success.
This was a venture on a scale like none other she’d ever embarked on, but Pepper was hardly going to let that stop her.
“Very few do.”
Pepper took a deep breath. “I could use some help.”
“And what is it that you need?” the Ancient One asked, an almost absent curiosity to her voice. “The time for the Mystic Arts to enter the public perception is not yet.”
“I want to be able to protect my mind. Tony’s as well. There are too many things out there that can exert undue influence.” The mind stone and Maximoff came to mind. Neither of which Pepper was eager to let at either her or Tony. No, Pepper needed the confidence of knowing that her mind was her own.
The Ancient One’s gaze went distant. “Give me time. I do believe that is something I can provide.”
Pepper nodded, grateful.
The Ancient One stood. “I wish you luck, Miss Potts. It is not an easy task that you’ve taken upon your shoulders.” The Ancient One examined her for a moment longer. “But I dare say, you’ll be able to bear it.”