Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

20 days, 14 hours, 29 minutes and 35. 36. 37. Seconds.

That was it. That was how long it had been since Aventurine tasted the blade of an Emanator. Less than a system month. And yet, he was completely fine.

Well, he appeared completely fine. Ratio knew that to be untrue. There was no possible way he could be fine. He had been struck by an unforgiving death and lived to tell about it. And boy, did he tell, languidly spilling tales of his death to his IPC comrades. Jade, who smiled wryly with pride. Topaz, who seemed both interested - because how could one survive the strike of an Emanator - and uninterested - because of the way meaningless words always seemed to spill from Aventurine’s tongue.

Ratio blinked. Those were the only two Stonehearts he had seen Aventurine interact with. He swirled his liquor in the glass cup, gazing down at it, scrutinizing it. Had this been made in accordance to Xianzhou standards, considering it claimed to be imported? It was too inexpensive to be imported all the way from any one of the Xianzhou flagships to Penacony.

But it made his throat numb. He supposed that was all that mattered in the moment. Suddenly, the space next to him grew warm. Heat. Radiating heat. He didn’t need to look to know who the heat belonged to.

“Doc,” Cooed a sly voice, enticing by nature. Ratio could tell he was smirking. A gloved hand rested on Ratio’s bare arm. “I need your help with something.”

Aventurine didn’t need his help with anything. Especially not in a bar hosting an IPC party, where he owned each and every conversation he had the pleasure of taking up. “What is it, Gambler?”

Aventurine loomed over him, as if he was begging for Ratio to look at him. Ratio would do no such thing, especially because Aventurine wanted him to so badly. “There’s a certain.. Foxian lady,” he nodded in a distant direction, or at least Ratio assumed so from the way the rest of his body moved. He wouldn’t look at the face. Not the eyes, either. Never the eyes. “She’s quite beautiful. But every time I try to approach her, I get oh-so nervous.” Each word was coated with charisma that reminded Ratio of dripping honey. He shook the thought. For a moment, he raised his head to examine this so-called Foxian beauty Aventurine was speaking so highly of. But he turned away, uninterested.

Aventurine pouted, and Ratio finally looked at him. “Doctor, come onnn!” He whined, and Ratio turned his head away from him to take a sip from his drink. That was unfair. “You can’t help a dear friend out?”

A friend would not help his friend whore himself out on a whim. Or.. actually, he probably would. Ratio wasn’t sure. He typically avoided “friends,” aiming more towards colleagues and work relationships, given those were more important for his research. He didn’t consider Aventurine a friend, anyway. Rather, a helpful colleague that he had worked with on a very important job in Penacony. A job he was trying to celebrate now, and instead, he had some intrepid gambler breathing down his neck and practically moaning into his ear.

“Doc,” Aventurine reminded Ratio he was there. But he definitely hadn’t forgotten. “Stop ignoring me.”

Silence. A sip of a drink. A wave to the bartender for another round.

“Oh come on!’ Aventurine spun his barstool around with his hand that grazed dangerously close to Ratio’s thigh. Ratio looked up at him, almost glaring. For once, Aventurine had some height on him. It would only take Ratio standing to steal that away. Aventurine looked dashing, especially under the bar lighting, his glasses shining and his usual smirk lighting up his face. He seemed to have lost his hat somewhere. “What’s got you all quiet, Doctor? Is the premise of talking to one charming lady all that terrifying?” Aventurine graced his fingers over the temple of Ratio’s bust that was sitting next to him on the bar. “Perhaps you can just.. Creepily watch her with this on, and-”

“Don’t touch my things.” Ratio spat, pulling Aventurine’s hand away much harsher than he meant to. “I see what you’re doing, Gambler, and I do not appreciate it.”

“What?” Aventurine threw his gloved hands up innocently. “Is asking for help from a friend really all that sinister?”

“That’s not what you’re doing,” Ratio pointed out cynically, and reached out to receive the drink from the bartender. He sipped it. It tasted different from the one he had just ordered, but it was the same drink. Definitely not up to Xianzhou standards. Aventurine took the drink from him and took a sip. Ratio did not watch the way his lips graced the cup.

“Ah-ha, baijiu with authentic Scalegorge Waterscape water,” Aventurine smirked. Ratio took the cup back, but at least he had pronounced the name of the drink correctly. The idiotic bartender didn’t even know what he was talking about. Bai-gio, he had told him. Not bai-joo. Aventurine laughed in a way that drew Ratio’s eyes away from the stupid bartender. “Oh, come on, Doc, you don’t really think that’s authentic, do you? I never took you as the type to indulge in anything short of the real thing.”

He was indulging Aventurine now, though, wasn’t he. “Do you often steal the amenities of your guests at these parties?”

“The IPC is paying for the open bar~” Aventurine leaned up against the bar, all showy like, displaying himself. Ratio was sure he had done just that to get all the money to fund this goddamned party. “It’s technically my property anyways.”

Ratio simply took a sip. He cared not for its authenticity, so far into his drinking.

“So, as for that lady..”

“Approach her yourself.”

“That isn’t what I want, Doctor.”

Ratio’s next sip left him biting the glass. Maybe, distantly, Aventurine could feel the pain.

“Are you scared?” Aventurine asked him, unwilling to let it go. “Here, I can create a pickup line for you - hi, I’m Dr. Ratio, and I’m too smart even for the Genius Society. I - where are you going?” Ratio had begun to abandon him. Aventurine faltered, only for a moment, under the impression that he had been truly rejected. He stood up straighter when he noticed Ratio approach the Foxian beauty he was egging him on about.

As Ratio approached the lady, she became much clearer. A Foxian, obviously. She was quite beautiful. Ratio began to understand why Aventurine was so fond of her.

A woman bedazzled in gold, wearing a white top with a black netted undershirt. Her hair seemed to be a light color, although Ratio couldn’t discern exactly what it was in the light. When she turned to look at him, her eyes were a light, alluring yellow, and held mischief. Typical of Foxians. She drew a hand back to coax her long, flowy hair in front of her, dropping in gentle waved curls. She batted her eyelashes up at him. “It’s not every day such a handsome man seeks me out,” she cooed, although she surely had to be lying.

This was almost enough to forget about Aventurine. He leaned down so that he would be able to speak to her - their height difference was nearly staggering (literally.) “My friend wanted your number,” he began, shocked that he had called Aventurine a friend with so little restraint. “But I think I’d rather have it instead - can I buy you a drink?”

The woman made a pleased sound that sounded more akin to a purr as she attached herself to his arm. It made her look small, and as the two sauntered over to the bar, Ratio looked at Aventurine like he had won. Not won the girl, but won their unspoken bet. Ratio’s smile widened. He had won a bet. Against a famous gambler. Apparently too famous, because when the woman saw that it was Aventurine of the Ten Stonehearts that was Ratio’s intrigued friend, she gasped and approached him.

“Aventurine,” she greeted, bowing her head as customary within the Xianzhou Alliance. “Are you here to tell me that enticed friend of yours is him?” She asked, turning to Ratio with a smile. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

“He’s not my friend,” Ratio said coldly, glaring at Aventurine. A part of him seemed to shrink under Ratio’s gaze, which made Ratio falter. Surely he’d imagined that. Aventurine turned to the Foxian lady and reached out to grab her hand, pressing a gentlemanly kiss to the top of it.

“Soft,” he remarked, then gestured towards Ratio. Oddly, the woman didn’t seem disappointed. Ratio didn’t seem surprised, either. Aventurine had given him the reins - helped with his charm without saying a word. Well. More than a word.

Ratio sat to Aventurine’s right while he leaned outwards from the bar, and beckoned the woman to sit on the other side. “As for drinks,” Ratio cleared his throat, trying to regain control. “There is one that claims to be imported from the Xianzhou Yuque, but as you likely know, it’s quite too far for this price listed on the menu.” He gently pushed the menu over to her. He dribbled on about liars, selling prices, the science of marketing. But the Foxian seemed interested in his knowledge of her culture.

“I’m actually from the Yuque,” she said with a smile, a curt tilt of her head making her ears droop down a bit. “You’re Veritas Ratio, aren’t you?”

Ratio paused. “You know who I am?”

She gave a flirty, enticing laugh and nodded. “I’m not just a pretty face – I’m a worker under the IPC. Planar resource management. I actually worked on the case in Penacony.” She drew a hand up to move some of her hair back. “I never saw a picture of you, so I didn’t know what you looked like, but I was told you were very knowledgeable,” she drew forward, her voice dropping slightly. “And quite the attractive man. It was easy to piece together.”

Ratio cleared his throat, partially hoping Aventurine was watching and partially hoping he wasn’t. “Would you like to try that drink to test its authenticity?”

“If you’re buying,” she grinned. He wasn’t buying. She knew he wasn’t buying. It was an open bar. But the gesture still stood. He’d be the one tipping, if that would change anything.

When the drinks arrived, he took a sip and took a glance at Aventurine. He was lingering. Perhaps too much. Did Aventurine not think he could handle this on his own? “Go away.”

“Doctor, you hurt me.” Aventurine pressed a hand to his chest. Ratio was beginning to forget about the Foxian woman from the Yaoqing or the Yuque or whatever it was. “I’m just making sure you treat this lovely lady with the reverence she deserves.. Does my presence not comfort you? I could swoop in and save the day if you happen to stutter over your words.”

Ratio never stuttered. He looked at Aventurine blankly, hoping his stare was enough to send him away, and turned back to the Foxian. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I caught your name.”

The woman extended a hand, tilting her head and looking at him with doe eyes. They glistened, seeming gray instead of yellow under the purple lighting of the bar. As Ratio took her hand into a shake, she cooed her name. “Xuefei.”

“A beautiful name. Fitting.” Ratio let his hand linger for a moment too long. He could win this. As he cleared his throat, he leaned in closer to her. “Are you planning to leave with anyone tonight, Xuefei?” He wouldn’t stutter over his words.

She giggled, batting her eyelashes at him. “No - have you got anyone in mind, Doctor?” Doctor. Everyone called him that, but for some reason, he began wishing she was someone else. Someone a bit taller, equally charming, and inexplicably irresistible.

Ratio shivered and told himself it was because of his upcoming boldness. He stared at her for a moment, partially wishing Aventurine could jump in now and help him as his words fell numb and scattered down his throat. He recalled something the gambler had told him during the crisis in Penacony, regarding the followers of Akivili. It’s a delicate dance, he said, lounging in the hotel next to Ratio as the Trailblazers chatted with Sunday. Navigating between offering aid while not overstepping. Aventurine bit his lip thoughtfully in the memory and Ratio continued to forget the rest what he’d said.

He cleared his throat. When he turned behind him, Aventurine was gone. Clearly missing his que, Ratio turned back and cleared his throat once again, louder, in hopes that he hadn’t lost her attention in his daydreaming. (It was not daydreaming about Aventurine. It was not. He didn’t do that.) Before he could speak, Xuefei etched forward, gently stroking his chin. “Come now, you were doing so well - I was beginning to think this was a well practiced routine of yours,” one of her fangs pressed against her lip. “You’re smart – who should I leave with tonight, Doctor?”

“A doctor interested in the truth of the rumors behind the Foxian sex drive,” Ratio said. Shocking himself. How perverted! He must’ve been possessed by that.. Damn gambler! Wherever he was. Or maybe the alcohol was beginning to get to him. “Consider it research.”

Xuefei’s eyes lowered seductively. “Well, well - I am quite interested in.. research,” she beamed. “I’d be happy to expand the available knowledge, if that’s what you’re after..”

Heat flushed through his body, and before Ratio could respond, he caught sight of Aventurine again. Like a moth to a flame. He tried to pry his eyes away, but under the light, Aventurine’s jewelry consistently caught a glare and blinded him. Damned peacock man. He felt like he was being held down, forced to watch as Aventurine tried whoring himself away to some businessman. “I am after that.”

It felt odd saying that in Aventurine’s direction.

Xuefei reached out her hand and stood. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” Ratio followed her lead. As the two began to saunter out of the bar, Xuefei’s fingers gracing Ratio’s arm, Aventurine caught up to them. If Ratio didn’t know him better it would’ve seemed like he outright abandoned the businessman he’d been speaking to.

“Enjoying yourself, Doc?” He cooed into Ratio’s ear. It was the music. It was too loud. He couldn’t have said it at a normal distance away, and so there was no reason for Ratio to flash with heat and flush. Thank Nous for the dim lighting. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so blatantly throw yourself at someone.” A gloved hand reached over Ratio’s shoulder, but he couldn’t pull away in fear of flinging Xuefei across the room. Because that’s how he wanted to pull away. With all of his force.

Ratio cleared his throat. “Gambler, perhaps we can discuss this later?” He said, all business-like. Like it was professional. It was research he was trying to engage in, after all.

Aventurine disappeared. Ratio forced himself not to look, instead turning to Xuefei, admiring all of her golden adornments and the piercings dangling from her ears. The piercings that glowed, but not as strong as Aventurine’s. No. He didn’t care. He was fine, the distance between them growing greater and greater as the gambler stood, lonely amidst the crowd. He would get swooped up into conversation again soon. Such a beautiful man would have no problem with that.

Just before the two left, Ratio accidentally glanced in Aventurine’s direction. Nowhere to be found.

He didn’t know if he loved that or hated it.

Chapter Text

Ratio’s hotel room was quaint - very.. Well, Ratio-esque, considering he had been living there for months now. The room was almost entirely white, save a few ugly paintings on the wall and the colorful city the window looked down upon. It was a suite, and thus, there was a kitchen, living room, and bedroom. Consistently staying in hotels made Ratio search for a way to make pocket sized, portable homes. But such a thing was impossible.

Books were scattered everywhere. His brow furrowed as he stumbled inside, both due to the mess and the realization that the alcohol was getting to him. Xuefei followed after him, her tail swishing with intrigue. Ratio realized he didn’t care about the disaster. Doctors were known to be messy. 

Xuefei approached him with a flirtatious twinge of her ear and crept her fingers up Ratio’s chest. Only part of it was left exposed due to his shirt, and she stopped upon reaching Ratio’s neck. With a tilt, one of her ears fell to the side. “You know, Doctor..” Ratio stood unwavered as she gazed down at his form. “You’re quite the intriguing man.”

He tried. 

He tried really hard. Every millisecond he spent looking at her, ready for him, especially after all the work he’d put in to seduce her, felt sickening. It felt wrong. But it was warmth, wasn’t it? It was somebody. A living being. 

But the nausea overtook him, regardless of what he wanted to do or think. His eyes fluttered shut and he turned away from her, mumbling something under his breath. 

Xuefei’s demeanor faltered. “What?”

“I’m.. afraid I need to send you home.” 

Xuefei’s ears tipped backwards and Ratio was overwhelmed with guilt. Damn it. How dare he gamble with someone’s feelings. 

Gamble. Always gambling. Ratio was getting ready to throw his head into the wall until his skull cracked. Xuefei bit her lip apprehensively. “Is.. something wrong?”

You’re not him, whispered the worm in his brain. Had he not been in another’s presence he would’ve dug past his hair to pry open his head and pull the worm out. Even if it meant blood. Even if it meant death. I should be with him tonight. Ratio grew uncomfortable, visually, and shook his head violently. Enough. Enough, enough, enough. He needed to do this. He needed to prove himself. “No, no.” He swallowed. “We’ll carry on.”

Xuefei didn’t look interested anymore. She looked worried, which confused him, because there was no point in worrying about strangers. “If you’re certain..”

He was certain. How could she even question that?

He stood there, though. Awkwardly. Fingers frozen to his sides and heart somewhere other than his chest. He stared at her. If he figured out human telekinesis, maybe Nous would finally gaze upon him and he could enter the Genius Society. More importantly, he could move his frozen arms, reach out and embrace her. That would show Aventurine.

Ratio’s brows furrowed. He realized he was completely and utterly fucked. 

“Doctor,” Xuefei brought him back into the world. Into the quiet walls of his hotel room. To the beautiful Foxian lady who wanted him so badly but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. “We truly don’t have to proceed if you’re not ready.” She took a step back to give him space to decide. Ratio let out his breath. He hadn’t realized he was holding it.

“I’m.. afraid I’ve overestimated myself,” his voice felt raw as if he hadn’t spoken in days. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” this may or may not have been honest, “I just.. Have a lot on my mind that I can’t seem to shake.” 

He cleared his throat. “Perhaps we can pick up where we left off tomorrow night, instead? If you’re still interested?”

Xuefei’s eyes softened up at him. It was the first time he’d seen Foxian eyes without their hidden mischief. “Of course, Doctor.” She said gently, pausing apprehensively to lean up, balancing herself on his arm, and kiss his cheek before backing away again. “You have my number. Just let me know when you’re ready - if you’re ever ready.” 

If. Of course he’d be ready. He was just.. Tired. Drunk. Unnerved. Anxious. Stiff. 

Preoccupation. The enemy of research.

He bid Xuefei goodbye and stared at the door. Then, uncontrollably, he slammed his closed fist into the wall. When he pulled it back, there was a hole. Drywall littered the ground. 

Zero points. 

Ratio awoke the next morning to a pain in his arm. It had been dangling off the bed all night - thus, no blood flow ever reached his fingers. He lifted it, seething with the discomfort. After the pain cleared, however, he grew curious, wanting to prick his numb, sleeping arm with a finger to see how much it bled in opposition to his arm with supple blood flow. 

His phone buzzed. Ratio threw his dead arm on the table, knocking off a box of tissues, and used the strength of a thousand Aeons to pick it up. 

Hey there, Doctor. Woke up with your name on my mind. Anything to share from your night of scandal?

Woke up with your name on my mind. Woke up with your name on my mind. Woke up with your name on my mind . Ratio’s body flushed with heat. Woke up with your name on my-

Nothing you deserve to know. Ratio debated changing Aventurine’s contact name to “Perverted Gambler.” And yet, he said something perverted himself. Though, if it stands to expand your disgustingly limited knowledge, the Foxian sex drive is indeed as the rumors make it out to be. 

Is that ethical to share, Doctor? 

Since when do you care about ethics?

I’m only curious

Ratio denied him a response. But he watched as the bubbles rose again, feeling as if he were hanging off a cliff while waiting for Aventurine’s response. It was easier to talk to him in person. The words came much quicker, and-

Care to elaborate on ur research? I’ve got quite the open mind you know 

Spelling, punctuation. 

Pretty please?

Ratio’s body tensed. 

No. 

He threw his phone to the ground, far out of reach, and shoved a pillow over his head. Perhaps the lack of air would get rid of the heat rushing through his body. His tight throat. The images of Aventurine underneath him, moaning. “Pretty please.” 

Ratio dug his nails into the fabric of the pillow and rolled his hips into the mattress. He shuddered with a groan. He would not. He would not imagine this. He was not an animal. 

He thought about everything else in the world. Followers of Elation, masked fools. That one masked fool from Penacony who tried to convince everyone she was Robin. Black Swan, her alluring voice. He could think of that, yeah. But the moment he did, she faded away from his memory. Maybe she was looking at his brain right now. Maybe she knew his perverted thoughts. He waited for a text. From Black Swan, of course. Telling him it would be okay, that she could remove the thoughts, make it all better again, and kiss the top of his head while she was at it. Not sexually. Just comforting. 

Ratio drifted off to sleep again. 

“Veritas,” cooed a soft, gentle voice. A black gloved hand reaches out to him, embraces his jaw. Beyond the hand is a card. Not a poker card (thank goodness) but a memory card. It twisted effortlessly, gracefully, and behind it stood his savior. “So troubled,” she whispered to him, sticking out her lip in a pout. Her amber eyes were frigid and warm at the same time. It was a gaze not even the mighty Veritas Ratio could hope to shake. 

“Not so mighty now, are we?” Black Swan broke into a glitter of laughter. Ratio shook. He couldn’t force her out of the dream. He couldn’t wake from it. He was just being surrendered to those dark amber eyes, hands reaching up to grab him, pull him down, shake him from the

Ratio woke with a start to a knock at the door. He frantically moved around to check the time, his heart racing, and before he had a chance to collect himself, another round of frantic knocking echoed at his door. He was still partially erect from his early morning single text message from Aventurine. Damn it. Was he missing a meeting? Was he missing something?

He exited the suite’s bedroom and strode into the main room, approaching the pounding door with fervor. Knock it off. Stop it. So dramatic, so crude, so unkind. Devilish. Because not only had this idiotic stranger woken himself up, he was likely going to wake up the rest of the-

Ratio blinked at the man in front of him. He quickly shoved his lower half behind the door, keeping it only open a few inches. Aventurine smiled. Ratio’s cock twitched. Can’t reach into his brain and grab the worm. Cannot do it with someone else here. “Is there something you need?” 

“Well, you sure know how to pique someone’s interest.” Aventurine said with a tilt, his smile turning sinister into something that felt more like a smirk. Evil, devilish man. Aventurine used the back of his gloved hand to try to coax the door open further, but Ratio kept it in place. In a battle of strength, he would always win. “What? Can’t spare some time for company?”

Ratio sputtered. He never sputtered. “I already have company.”

“Oh my,” Aventurine tilted his head back into a shocked laugh. Ratio didn’t look at the way his Adam’s apple was outlined, the way his muscles rippled under his neck, how easy it would be to reach out and wrap his fingers around it. “The Foxian?”

“Yes.” Ratio held the door closer. “The Foxian.”

“Well, I can tell there’s a lot on your mind.” No. He wasn’t thinking of Aventurine underneath him. The sounds he’d make when he was filled with cock. His squirming. His gasping. His - Ratio shook his head, violently, hands bundling up in his hair, and without the restraint of his hands on the door, it and Aventurine fell forwards, just a few inches, before the gambler picked him back up again and returned the door to its normal state. 

“I was going to say,” Aventurine said, clearly finding the situation amusing. Why? Why would he find it amusing? He couldn’t know, surely, he couldn’t - “That I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Right.” Ratio concentrated on his breathing. “Then, if you’d stop begging for my attention outside of my door like a stray dog, I’d like to get back to more important matters.”

“What can I say, Doc?” Aventurine broke into another smile. Ratio shoved his hand out of the way and closed the door. No more.

Ratio rested his head on the door as the warmth disappeared from the room. It was back to boring old Ratio. He waited, patiently, to hear Aventurine’s retreating footsteps. Was he upset that he had just had a door slammed on his face for a woman who wasn’t even in the building? Or did he not care? Ratio didn’t know which was worse. When he finally heard a sigh behind the door, a mumble, and the slowly quieting sound of Aventurine’s heels on the carpet, he breathed. Except it didn’t come out as a breath, it came out as a groan. Zero points. 

Chapter Text

Xuefei, are you busy?

good morning, doctor <3 i’m not busy. missed me already?

I need you. Despite the punctuation and grammar.. That was not arousing. I trust you remember where my room is. Only an idiot wouldn’t. 

i’ll be there in a few minutes, handsome. 

Three points. Ratio crashed back onto his bed and rummaged his fingers through his hair. His cock was still aching in his pants. It had been three minutes. Three fucking minutes since Aventurine had came to his door, and he could barely breathe the entire time. His hand wouldn’t work for him. Besides, he seldom engaged in masturbation anyways, as he typically suppressed any form of subtle arousal. But this wasn’t subtle. This hurt . 

Xuefei had let herself in. She was wearing a white jacket over a sheer, black top, not that it mattered, as her clothes would be off in moments anyways. She crept over to Ratio, who needn’t get up from the bed. He stared up at her. Her clothing seemed fundamentally useless. 

“My, my.” She purred as she caught his eyes. “You always like what you see, don’t you?” She sat down just before his erection, looking up at him innocently. Sure. He could pretend. “I took the courtesy of locking the door for you, Doctor.”

Ratio’s breath hitched. 

Caringly prepared, Xuefei used the rubber band around her wrist to tie up her hair, settled between Ratio’s legs. Once she was finished, she trickled her fingertips down his thigh, looking up to him and licking her lips. “Oh - don’t be so afraid, Doctor.” She cooed, shuffling off the bed so that she could lean over on it, pushing her head close to his erection. “Foxian teeth aren’t as sharp as they look.. In fact, we have a.. Reputation , so to speak, for our mouths.” 

Amber eyes blinked down at her. They became cynical. That wouldn’t do. He needed to be inside something. To own something. And then he remembered about the hypothesis. The research. She was meant to have a high sex drive, yes? And with trembling fingers, he reached down to unbutton his pants. Xuefei gave him the space to do so, her ears waving with interest. Ratio had to bite back a groan when his cock was finally freed. It tingled, cold against the open air, shining from his precum. He looked away. Xuefei gasped, her voice tapering off into a deeply aroused giggle. “My, my~”

“I knew this was worth the wait,” she whispered against his skin, pressing her small, button nose against his shaft. 

“Mouth,” Ratio shivered. “Now.”

Xuefei’s eyes glinted at the forwardness, and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to the head of Ratio’s cock before slowly moving down, lips stretched around him, to the base of his shaft. Ratio breathed heavily into the open air, closing his eyes, unwilling to watch her as she began to suckle around him, pressing her warm, wet tongue to the sensitive underside of his head. Stifling a giggle over his length, she picked up the pace. 

Ratio, underneath the haze of pleasure, considered her mouth in comparison to that of other races. The human from early academia. The Halovian girl he’d met in the dreamscape. Xuefei sucked his cock like she’d been practicing for it since the day she was born. In comparison to the Halovian and the human, it was noticeably more enticing and skillful - perhaps more enticing than an Avgin. 

Ratio snapped back into the hotel room and pulled away from her. Down to her disappointed face, he breathlessly murmured, “give me a moment. I.. I want to be inside of you, but I- I have to come down, first..”

Xuefei eyes lowered as she looked up at him with a smirk. “Of course, Doctor.. We’ve got all day to explore our vices.” 

Despite Ratio’s embarrassment as he paced around the room, shaking his head at himself, Xuefei was entirely unbothered. She sat on her bed, scrolling on her phone, giggling every so often. She sat up, gazing at him after minutes had passed. She was being patient. That was good. 

Ratio turned to her suddenly, having given her no mind in the past 10 minutes. “Strip.”

Xuefei tossed her phone aside and stood. Obidently, she reached down to remove her shirt, revealing small but perky breasts. She beamed up at him as he approached her, and shamelessly, he wrapped his hands around her tits. The size of his hands made them look much smaller than they actually were. He squeezed them, uncaring. Firm. Gentle. Soft. She shivered and and leaned into his touch, and he quickly pushed her down on the bed. 

He pulled his pants down again - having pulled them back up for the sake of his dignity - now that she wasn’t looming over him. She eagerly pulled her own pants down, and Ratio helped her with this, tossing them to the side once she was complete. “Anything I can do to make the experience more enjoyable for you?”

Xuefei shivered under his gaze. “I like praise.” Aventurine probably liked praise too. But surely, he liked degradation more - fuck, why was he thinking about - 

Ratio pushed into her, gently, but without any warning. Anything to silence to brain worm. “Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

Xuefei didn’t care. She trembled underneath him, reaching up for skin, for contact that Ratio mentally and physically would not let her have. He realized he hadn’t kissed her. The two had just been frocking together, so hard and wet respectively - Ratio not from Aventurine’s visit and Xuefei from the prospect of having Ratio inside of her - that there was no need for it. A waste of time. Xuefei moaned. Ratio nodded to himself before he realized it. This could work. He could get so into this. 

He leaned down to kiss her neck, breathing heavily into her ear as he began to roll his hips into her. Ratio could recall three sexual encounters - the oral sex from both the human and the Halovian, and sex with two other humans. All were for the sake of research, just as this one was. Testing, off record, the body’s reaction to exposed arousal. He had been hooked up to a heart rate monitor. Anything for academia. 

“More,” Xuefei whispered, and Ratio picked up his pace. She was so warm, wet, soft around him. Inviting. Anyways. 

Ratio noted that, this woman, in accordance to Foxian rumors, moaned much louder than the two human girls he had frolicked with. Perhaps that was just her, though. It would be unwise to generalize one interaction with one member of the race to the entire race. Basic cosmic science. 

Xuefei tightened around him, purposefully gripping and ungripping, and Ratio shivered and groaned into the soft skin of her neck. “You like that, Doctor?” She giggled, her voice tapering off into a breathy moan. She wrapped her legs around him, hips rocking in rhythm with his thrusts. “Oh Aeons.. You’re so big, you feel so good..” 

Ratio wondered if Aventurine could hear. If he liked the sound. It was beginning to sound wet, sloppy, and the sounds of his body meshing with hers rang throughout the room. “Don’t stop,” she whispered into his ear.

“Louder.” Aventurine’s room wasn’t far away. He’d be able to hear. And that pervert would like it. “And I won’t stop.”

Xuefei obliged without problem, throwing her head into the air and losing herself. Ratio fucked her harder, listening to her every sound, hands and arms trembling as they held himself up. Aventurine was probably settled on his bed right now, fighting the temptation to touch himself to the sound of strangers fucking. He was arching his back, shivering, and then, he reached into his pants, gently stroking himself. Ratio grabbed her hands and held them above her head. “Louder.”

Aventurine’s eyes were probably fluttering shut now. His throat was tightening. His cock probably twitched at the sound of the strangers getting louder, the slapping of their bodies together quickening. Aventurine’s breath would pick up, and he would squirm. Maybe he’d even gasp out, “pretty please.”

Ratio had never heard such a weak scream from himself in his life until this moment when he came inside of Xuefei. Remembering where he was did not aid him. But he rode out the orgasm regardless, as would any man, not even realizing that Xuefei had came just before him. That didn’t matter. Oh, Gods. It didn’t matter. 

Five points.

He collapsed on top of her, finding solace in the soft skin of her neck. He trembled, shook, tried to envelop himself in the caramel scent of her perfume. It was nothing like Aventurine’s. Aventurine’s was citrusy and bold. This was feminine. 

The Foxian recovered much quicker than him. “You’re incredible,” she whispered, and Ratio could hear through her voice that she was smiling. What was there to smile about? What was Aventurine meant to think about now?

He buried himself in her neck, kissing it, just to shake him. Get him out. That gambler didn’t belong in his brain. He was out of place. Just a man in the presence of endless tomes of knowledge and a mild hatred for humankind. 

Except Aventurine wasn’t just a man. Ratio pulled himself out of her, ignoring the way that his come spilled out of her. Gross. He picked up his clothes and began to dress himself. “You’re welcome to use my shower.”

A disappointed voice came from behind him. “You don’t want to shower together?”

No. Disgusting. Perverted. Unlike him. He shoved his clothes on, and as he turned to look in the mirror, he picked up his phone.

Done with Xuefei, he texted Aventurine. If he truly had touched himself, he’d know who the the culprit was. He’d know how good he could fuck someone. Ratio nearly threw his phone. Zero points. Zero points, you pervert. If you wish, you can return so we can discuss what was so important earlier. 

“..Are you leaving?” Xuefei asked sadly behind him. Ratio felt a pang of guilt, which he usually never does, as most of his decisions are calculated in a way to maximize exchange, and so guilt is seldom a necessary feeling. 

Ratio cleared his throat. “I have a business meeting to attend to,” he said, which wasn’t a total lie. He did have one, just not right now. “You can stay in this room, though. In fact, why don’t you? Rest for a bit.” Ratio said this all passively, dejected. The guilt had left. He exited the room, shutting the door behind him, staring down at his phone. Nothing. 

How rude, considering the way he was just banging on his door. Ratio called him. He picked up immediately. 

“Hey, Doc.” Came the voice on the other end. Thankfully, Ratio could interact with him again without feeling like an animal. At least until he recovered from his orgasm completely, until his body stopped rejecting the entire notion of sex. “I was just about to respond to your text.”

“Always wasting my time.” 

“Oh, so cruel, Doc.” Aventurine giggled on the other end. “I’m getting dressed, and then I’ll be on my way.” Don’t get dressed. Just show up naked. Or - actually, do get dressed, so that nobody else sees you naked. They don’t deserve it.

Ratio huffed and hung up on him. 

Chapter Text

Ratio considered asking Xuefei to come back out into the living room so he could have his way with her over the table. Aventurine would walk inside without waiting for Ratio to answer the door, because he was invited, and stumble upon his handsome, muscular colleague deep inside the whimpering Foxian lady he’d forced him to talk to. Maybe he’d be disgusted. No. He’d never be disgusted, that pervert. He’d shiver with excitement behind his glasses and ask to join in. 

Aventurine stood over him. “Doc?” He repeated. 

“Hmph.” Ratio splayed his hands out over his thighs and then immediately removed him. He needed to forget he existed from the waist down. “I was thinking.”

The gambler smirked and tilted his head. Hair fell over his eyes. “I could tell.”

Ratio could never tell him. He stood, gestured to the seat, and they drabbled. They drabbled on about the IPC, about the math behind Aventurine’s next investment. It was a risky one - the stocks of QES, Quantum Energy Solutions, in which one could store grand amounts of energy - the level akin to that of a dying star - in a single, cubic inch of material. The problem was, that these machines were beginning to explode, having already destroyed an entire - albeit secret - research ship, and Dr. Liora Elune was beginning to consider abandoning the problem entirely. All it took was a bat of Aventurine’s eyes and a tilt of his chin to make her reconsider. 

Okay, maybe it was more than that. Credits well into the billions and enforcements from the IPC to reconstruct the fleet. IPC researchers to replace the ones that had essentially exploded. And hush money for the traveling Starchaser who crashed into a frozen, decapitated head floating in space. 

Ratio was uncertain how much of his genius he was willing to give up in this conversation. He needed a few cards up his.. one sleeve (not poker cards,) as bargaining chips for future IPC disasters. Well, disasters in which the IPC wasn’t on his side. And so, as he spoke of the realities of QES investment, he withheld. He stood to make the two of them tea. He let the little lying man at the center of his controls take the conversation from him, and leaned back into his head. The real Ratio, somewhere distant in his mind, got into the bathtub, poured some bubble bath inside, and shut his eyes. 

Unfortunately Aventurine got into the bath with him. Robot Ratio sputtered over his words and spilt boiling water on himself. It burnt his skin. He didn’t react.

He set two mugs down. He stared at Aventurine, who stared back. He could do it now. If he really wanted to, he could lean forward and kiss him. 

He heard the shower start in the other room. Aventurine blinked. “Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “I was especially fond of QES when it comes to expanding the IPC military. Maybe that way, we could’ve taken down Penacony quicker.”

“Aventurine.”

“Hm?” Aventurine looked up at him delicately. 

“She wouldn’t reject you if you crawled into the shower with her,” Ratio shamelessly took a sip of his morning tea. Aventurine choked on his own saliva.

“What?”

Ratio shrugged and sat down opposite of him once more. He looked at Aventurine over the top of his mug. He had no words to scramble over, because he had nothing to say. Ratio savored the taste of the tea - a soft, raspberry earl gray. 

“I.. can’t believe you just suggested that.” 

“Clearly, the idea has piqued your interest.” Ratio leaned back into his chair. “Has it not?” Pervert.

Aventurine seemed to gather himself and crossed one of his legs over the other. “Guilty as charged, I suppose.” 

As Aventurine took control of the situation again, Ratio lost his sense of charisma, and he realized how disgusting he was. Discussing sex with a coworker - highly unethical! Zero points. “I have a guest lecture today at the local Intelligentsia Branch.”

Aventurine tilted his head. It reminded Ratio of a sly, cunning fox. “Why, I’d love to be lectured.” 

Ratio stood, drank the rest of his tea, despite its temperature. He wiped his mouth with a napkin once he had finished. “And I’m sure you’d need it, too.” He mumbled under his breath. 

“Does that mean I can join?”

Ratio laughed. Aventurine faltered. “Of course not.” 

“My, my, Dr. Ratio.” Black Swan giggled. Ratio stared at himself in a mirror, but no matter how he moved, his reflection didn’t react. “Having a hard time recognizing yourself?”

Her reflection shifted into the mirror. Ratio scrutinized her. “I don’t recall giving you permission to saunter into my dreams.” 

“Permission.” The Memokeeper strode out of the mirror, gracing her finger over Ratio’s cheek and moving it to his chin, drawing it towards her as she circled him. “You don’t give your brain permission to remember, but it does anyways, doesn’t it.”

“The point?”

Black Swan smirked at him mischievously, reminding Ratio of the Foxian. “You’ll have to remember that girl for the rest of your life,”

“Do you think it was worth it?”

Ratio pondered this. When he realized that he was entertaining her question, he pulled away from her touch. “Out. Now.”

Black Swan gazed at him pitifully. As if he needed her pity. “Dreams can be hard to navigate by oneself-”

“As they’re meant to be. You’re disturbing the natural balance.”

The Memokeeper looked at him like he was foolish. That gaze was reserved for members of The Genius Society and them alone, but before he could retaliate, she drew a card over his eyes. Everything went black.

Ratio shot up with a gasp, his body twinged with the flame of a bad dream. And yet, as the fear coursed through his body, he found he couldn’t properly recall what had upset him. Only a ghost of his nightmare lingered. Chains. The smell of death. Machinery. A familiar voice, begging for mercy.

He reached for his phone in a fury. 

Explain yourself, Memokeeper.

…

…

…

I don’t believe I have anything to explain.

I do, and I don’t appreciate my colleagues playing stupid. It is a mutual waste of time.

Perhaps we can meet at tonight's Intelligentsia Gala. I prefer to speak in person.

Ratio scoffed. Did Memokeepers ever truly speak in person? Or did they simply exist to steal and take and gather? To venture where they don’t belong? Black Swan had no need to wait until some event - she would have appeared in his hotel room now if she wanted to. 

Fine.  

Chapter Text

23 days, 6 hours, 46 minutes and 1. 2. 3. Seconds. Perhaps Avgins just felt time differently.

But this didn’t stop the ache in Dr. Ratio’s chest as he watched Aventurine parade in a waltz. Exchanging hand after hand with his colleagues, like everything was fine. He brought the room to life - typically, it was a study area for the students of the Intelligentsia Guild. One he could watch over from his office. But the IPC had converted it into a lively ballroom. It would be back to boring by morning. 

Ratio tilted his head. Oddly, Aventurine seemed to be dressed a bit informally for an Intelligentsia Gala. A simple white jacket over a jade-colored button up. Adorned with a tie. 

Jade. Ratio squeezed the phone in his hand so hard his knuckles turned white. Where was that goddamned Memokeeper.

“Check you out, Dr. Ratio,” Topaz smiled as she sauntered over to him. She wasn’t dressed up - clearly she hadn’t gotten the memo that this was a ball, not a meeting. Numby trotted behind her. He had a small tie on just below his head. Did Warp Trotters have necks? If they did, that’s where his tie would be.

Ratio stared at the little creature. When scared, Warp Trotters murmured to themselves equations regarding black holes. “I’d like to run an experiment on your companion.”

“Ha!” Topaz grinned as she leaned forwards. “In your dreams.”

As he turned away from the Stoneheart, he tilted his head. Aventurine had paraded himself elsewhere. He cleared his throat and returned his focus to Topaz. “Drinks?” The lights dimmed as a new song began to play. The bodies in front of him began to shift differently. Always in accordance with the beat. 

“Nah, I’ve got somewhere to be in 5.” She glanced down to check her watch. “You, on the other hand, are starting to garner a reputation as an alcoholic whenever you come to these things. Maybe you should lay off.” 

Ratio rolled his eyes and dismissed her with a hand. The two spoke about a planet Topaz was attempting to garner under IPC control. Elysium Prime, not far from Ratio’s home planet. Ratio hardly paid attention - both because he was trying to find Aventurine among the crowd and because he had no interest in helping the IPC liquidate another planet. It was never enough.

Suddenly, two hands swept over Topaz’s shoulders. Gloved and jeweled. Ratio turned away. 

“Aventurine, get your hands off me. It freaks Numby out.”

“Aw, I’m sorry Numby!” Out of the corner of his eye, Ratio saw Aventurine kneel down to the floor. To pet Numby, of course, but.. He rubbed his face, shoving his fingers into his eyes. Just stop thinking, Veritas. You don’t deserve to be in the presence of other people in such a disgusting state of mind. Numby squealed and skittered behind Topaz. 

“He doesn’t like that, Aventurine.”

“Starting to think you don’t like me either, Topaz.” Ratio finally looked up. Aventurine took his glasses off and folded them to shove them into his coat pocket. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come to the bar with the Doctor and I.” 

He supposed that was the one thing the two shared. They could drink together, if nothing else. If that was the closest he’d ever get to be, he’d take that. 

Topaz laughed in his face. Ratio had to force his fists to uncrumple. They’re colleagues. This was regular banter. “Actually, we were just talking about that!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Dr. Ratio’s been really getting on Jade’s nerves. We’ve compared the bills at IPC hosted events in which he does and does not attend - it’s actually funny, they’ve started raising the flat price of the open bar if they know he’ll be in attendance.”

Ratio stepped forward and grabbed Aventurine’s arm to guide him towards the bar. Aventurine squirmed to say goodbye to his colleague, then turned to Ratio and pressed a hand to his bicep. “I didn’t know the two of you talked.”

“Oh,” Ratio stifled a laugh. “We won’t anymore.”

Aventurine didn’t seem surprised at this. Ratio led him to the bar as if he were dropping a child off at daycare. Ratio cleared his throat and Aventurine backed away from his arm. Ratio’s thoughts came clearer. “I’m meant to be meeting someone here.”

“Oh yeah? A better drinking buddy?” Aventurine ordered two drinks anyway. Ratio furrowed his brows. This bartender was much quicker than the one at the last party they’d been at. Ratio was sure this one knew how to pronounce baijiu. Idiot. Aventurine gestured to the stool. “Sit. I don’t see your friend anywhere.”

“She is not my friend.”

“Like how I’m not your friend?” Aventurine smirked at him as he took a sip of his drink. Ratio’s throat began to feel scratchy. Why did the IPC always insist on having them on the same planet? Why did it have to be Aventurine that they partnered him with. 

“You’re not my friend.”

Aventurine shoved the glass that Ratio still hadn’t picked up into his colleague’s hand. Had it been anyone else, Ratio would’ve slapped them across the face. He figured Aventurine had enough daily manhandling from the IPC. He grabbed Ratio’s wrist and pushed their glasses together. “To our new friendship, then?”

Ratio’s heart skipped a beat. Per usual, he hated himself for it. “Whatever.”

Alcohol tends to loosen up humanoid creatures. Clearly, this applies to Avgins. Ratio took his phone out of his pocket and made a reminder for himself to look deeper into the differing biology of-

“Doc,” Aventurine’s face was flushed, his fingertips crawled over the tip of Ratio’s phone and pulled it down. Ratio had a perfect view of the few buttons that Aventurine started to undo throughout the night. But he couldn’t look. He could never look. Instead, he looked at his face again - flushed, yes, and sweaty. Hair was beginning to stick to his forehead and his permanent smirk was starting to look unpracticed. Perhaps it was becoming more genuine. “Always starin’ at me.”

“Wh- I am not!” Ratio was abashed - he hated to be caught people watching. Hated it even more when it was Aventurine. “If anything, I’m making sure you don’t saunter off and get yourself into a conundrum.” Topaz had asked him to watch over him before she left, after all. Whatever the fuck that meant. (He did not take orders from Topaz, though. He took orders from the little nagging man in the back of his mind.) 

“A conundrum!” Aventurine found this word to be hilarious, and tears formed in his eyes. “That’s like - oh my - you are just so.. Sooo funny!” 

Ratio grumbled and took the glass Aventurine was holding from his hands. “I think that’s enough for you tonight.” 

“You know what - yeah!” Aventurine seemed.. Oddly giddy at such a.. Fun-inhibiting suggestion. “Why don’t you drink that instead? Maybe it’d make you less tense.” 

“Whatever.”

“Always with the wha-aaaa-aatever!” The gambler scoffed. “You’d think such an educated man would - have.. Betterways to insult me!” 

“I could say nevertheless, but that serves to be ineffective in an informal setting. While socializing isn’t necessarily my strongest talent,” he paused to sip the stolen drink, “I do think.. That..”

He looked down at the drink. Foggier than a spirit should be. Saltier, too. His brows furrowed. Perhaps accurate alcoholic scrutinization wasn’t such a terrible skill to have after all. “Who have you been talking to?”

Aventurine looked at him like he was crazy. “Um, everyone!” 

“I mean within the last 5 minutes.” When Ratio was concerned, he tended to glare. Typically his glare didn’t affect Aventurine, but now.. He seemed so small under it. 

Aventurine turned away and looked around, both to avoid Ratio’s eyes and to try to think. Ratio’s grip on the glass tightened. You stupid, careless gambler. Not even caring enough to keep an eye on the people around you. Not even caring enough to see the brunette man coming up behind you, placing a hand around your shoulder. All business-like. Yet this was nothing but business. 

A Foxian. Perhaps he was related to Xuefei. 

No, that’s stereotypical. Two Foxians are allowed to exist on the same planet away from a Xianzhou flagship without being related. 

“Shenyu,” Aventurine turned to the Foxian like he was made of water. “You miss me?”

“I did.” Shenyu grinned, pressing his nose to Aventurine’s temple. “You want another drink?”

Maybe it was the way Shenyu’s hands reached down to the bare skin between Aventurine’s sleeve and his watch. Maybe it was the way Aventurine tried to mold against him. Surely he didn’t actually like the man. This was practiced Aventurine. The version of him that the IPC had molded and turned into some sort of.. Business prostitute. But it didn’t matter. It all pissed him off. “You bought this drink for him?”

“I did - he sure does like his gin, doesn’t he?” Actually, he prefers a citrine brandy with a lemon zest garnish. He seems to like it better when it’s swirled over a toothpick. The toothpick, if it is to have a splash of color, must be a dark green. Aventurine just giggled against him. Didn’t answer him. Just giggled. Like it was fine.

Ratio grabbed Shenyu by his sleeve and pulled him aside, drink still in hand. Drunkenly, Aventurine nearly fell over, having to hold himself up on a stool. Ratio reached out to try to cushion his mild fall, but to little avail. “Did you fucking drug it, too?”

Shenyu narrowed his eyes up at the doctor, who was glaring him down as if he had just shot his mother. “Could’ve been you just as much as it could’ve been I.”

Idiot. Grammatically incorrect. Ratio especially hated when people attempted to sound like intellectuals and instead said shit like this. Zero points. “Answer me.”

Shenyu’s ears flitted down in anger. “A serious accusation you’re making here, Dr. Ratio.”

Ratio drew back from the Foxian calculatedly. He glanced back at Aventurine, who was swaying side to side like an autumn leaf, ready to fall off its tree at a moment’s notice. He gazed down at the glass again and swirled it, to savor what he had seen. And then, with absolutely no hesitation, he lifted his hand above the Foxian’s head and emptied its contents onto the man’s hair and pinned ears. 

The man lunged at him. Ratio stepped away, and yet he did it again. But by then, the guards gathered Shenyu up. None of this was important to Ratio as he returned to his friend to gather him. 

Clearly, the drugs were beginning to take a much harsher effect overtime. As he tried to move them a bit away from the bar, Aventurine retched. “He’s just had a bit too much.” Ratio explained to the concerned guests, as if he wasn’t already getting dirty looks for causing a scene at an Intelligentsia event. At least they knew he was here now. He typically just hid in the corner with his bust on and watched. 

“I don’t feel too good, Doc.” Aventurine whispered underneath him, small and frail, pressing the side of his head into Ratio’s chest. He held onto him tight. Another Shenyu would come along if he didn’t.

“I’ve got an office upstairs. You can rest there.” 

It was an absolute pain getting Aventurine up the stairs. He feared using the elevator, as the moment the two stepped inside, Aventurine began to quake and threw a hand up to his mouth. Ratio stepped into his office, already locked and closed for the night, and turned on the lights. Aventurine threw a hand up to his eyes from the light. 

“Sorry,” Ratio murmured, trying to fiddle with the settings to turn down the intensity. Aventurine suddenly became a lot heavier, and it caught Ratio by surprise, nearly bringing them both onto the ground. “You have to hold yourself up still.”

“Tired.” Aventurine sighed, gazing at the couch in Ratio’s study longingly. 

After Ratio had gotten Aventurine to expel the poison Shenyu had given him in the office bathroom, he helped him return to the couch. He removed the gambler’s glasses, his shoes, and his watch, setting the appropriate items on the table and floor respectively. He retreated into the bathroom again to wet a towel to press it over Aventurine’s flushed forehead, pushing his sweat-slicked hair back atop his head. Aventurine mumbled something he couldn’t hear, eyes shut.

“I’ll get you a blanket in just a moment. I’ll have to retrieve it from my colleague’s office. I’m not often cold..” Ratio brushed Aventurine’s hair further back now and stood. He locked the door when he left the office. 

Aventurine’s eyes had opened again when he returned. For a moment, he considered simply handing the man the blanket. He didn’t really understand the concept of.. Tucking someone in. Regardless, he drew the blanket into the air to spread it out and gently settled it on top of Aventurine. It looked.. Small. Considering it was only a lap blanket. Aventurine shivered as he pulled it up to his shoulders, then pulled his legs in to compact the heat.

“I can get you another blanket.” Aventurine hummed a no with furrowed brows. He said something quiet, small, incomprehensible, and so Ratio leaned down closer to him to hear it. “Hm?”

“Don’t leamme here..” Aventurine sniffled. “Don’t like offices.”

“Of course not.” Ratio was astounded just at the suggestion. “I’ll be grading papers.” 

Aventurine looked up at him with glossy eyes. He then grabbed the throw pillow he was using and hugged it to his chest, cuddling deeper into the couch as he closed his eyes. After a few seconds, Ratio coaxed his hand under Aventurine’s cheek to place a new pillow in place of the old one. 

He let his hand linger for a moment, gracing it across Aventurine’s cheek before drawing it away. He backed away slowly, as if afraid to wake a baby, before turning to his desk. 

“What a precious memory,” said the Memokeeper in his chair. Ratio nearly screamed bloody murder. 

“Black Swan.” 

“Dr. Veritas Ratio.” She spoke in a soft, gentle voice that was likely soothing enough to aid in Aventurine’s sleep as opposed to hinder it. He would allow her to speak, only for this reason. “I never took you as such a hero.” She wrapped her hands around the seat’s armrests, leaning back into it as if it were her chair. Ratio grit his teeth. 

“I’m just not a monster.” He moved over to her chair - his, chair, and beckoned her out with a hand. She raised a brow. He had to fight the urge to pull it out from under her. “You’re late.”

“Ah. We had an agreed upon time?”

Ratio blinked. “Not necessarily, but our meeting was the only reason I attended and remained at this gala.”

Black Swan pressed her cheek on her hand. “But you’re glad you did, aren’t you?”

Upon realizing that Black Swan had no interest in moving from his seat, he pinched the bridge of his nose and backed away. As if he were a student coming to her office hours - ha! As if. He glanced at Aventurine, in his sweaty but somehow equally peaceful beginning stages of sleep. “I suppose.”

Black Swan hummed. 

Ratio’s eyes lingered on Aventurine for a while. Somehow, he worried the Memokeeper would haunt his dreams as well. He cleared his throat (much softer than usual, as to not wake the baby.) “You’ve been in my dreams recently.”

The Memokeeper smiled, both in astonishment at the hidden accusation and at the statement itself. She pressed a hand to her chest. “Me?”

“I would remember if it were anyone else.” Ratio’s brows furrowed. “I want you out. It’s invasive and unprofessional.”

She pressed her lips together. “I’m.. afraid that’s not something I can help you with.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, I haven’t been in a dream since Penacony.” Black Swan drew her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. No. No, no. That couldn’t be true. “Is it possible you are just having dreams with me in them?”

Ratio fumed. There was no possible way he was going to be asked such a simple, moronic question reserved only for a toddler. “Insulting. Zero points.”

“Zero points.” Black Swan grinned to herself. Ratio had, obviously, meant to say that in his head. He was surprised she had heard it at all, given all his words were now spoken through gritted teeth. “Well, then, Dr. Ratio. If you won’t believe me, I feel as if we have nothing more to discuss.”

“I am not finished,” Ratio spat at her, but she stood. As she did, she disappeared. Ratio’s arms trembled as he bunched them into fists. “Memokeeper, I know you are still here.” 

“And now I’m leaving,” she reappeared over his shoulder and before he could turn, grab her by the shoulders and shake her, she was gone again. 

“Zero points.” 

He paused. He really needed to start saying that in his head again. 

Chapter Text

Ratio stayed awake for a good 5 system hours (exactly 5 hours, 12 minutes and 49 seconds, just to ensure that Aventurine had been able to enter enough REM cycles) before he was able to fall asleep on his desk. 

He didn’t stir when he awoke. He didn’t struggle to open his eyes. They simply opened, already facing the door, facing the gambler who was approaching it. Aventurine turned back to Ratio with a hand on the doorknob and jumped. “W- Are you awake?”

Ratio blinked. He sat up, tossing his arms into the air in a practiced stretch. This was typically his morning routine, spare the time he had a rude guest pounding in his door. He figured this would answer Aventurine’s question.

Aventurine’s hand fell from the door. Ratio, completed with his arm stretches, cleared his throat and rolled his neck. First clockwise, then counterclockwise. Finally, he stood from his chair.

To continue stretching. Aventurine rubbed his nose and turned away. 

Ratio adjusted his sleeves once he was done, and then turned to Aventurine. His tongue drew over his teeth inside his mouth as he observed. He was no longer flushed, but his hair stuck up in random places. It was awfully strange, seeing him this way, not done up perfect and conventional. Ratio wondered how he smelt - was he still citrusy, or did he smell like a living, breathing human being? 

Did Avgins have a naturally different scent to them? Ratio reminded himself to look into the Avgin race - he’d been meaning to do so, after all. It’s important to remember and honor lost history.

Usually Aventurine would’ve interrupted his thoughts by now. Ratio could’ve thought all he wanted. He could’ve even done some black hole calculations. “Do you think your friend Topaz would be able to capture and tame another Warp Trotter?”

Aventurine’s eyes drew up to Ratio’s. The corners of his lips hinted at a slight, albeit confused smile. “What?”

“I wanted to do experiments on Numby, but she laughed in my face.”

“I- Ratio,” Aventurine dismissed him with a hand and stifled a laugh. Ratio’s heart fluttered, unfortunately, but he wasn’t as upset about this as he typically was. This was so genuine. Authentic Aventurine. 

And he was so pretty. Even with his clothes disheveled and hair sticking up and unpracticed morning voice. He was so beautiful. “Did you have something you wanted to say?”

Aventurine looked away from him. There was so much uncertainty. So much apprehension. The real Aventurine seemed so much more unsure of himself. “Um, I feel like I should thank you, but I’m not sure what happened, so I don’t - I can’t do it properly.”

“You were drugged by a degenerate Foxian man who does not have an adequate grasp of proper academic grammar.” Ratio’s brows furrowed just thinking about it. Aventurine seemed guilty, for some reason. Ratio cocked a brow. “What?”

Aventurine mumbled something. Ratio asked him to speak up, because there was no way he had heard what he heard.

The gambler breathed in steadily, trying to catch Ratio’s eyes before flickering them away again. He swayed, grabbed onto his wrists and spoke. “I.. I appreciate it, Ratio,” he said, clearly, looking him in the eyes. “It’s just.. Those kinds of things, that’s business. IPC business.”

Ratio’s mouth parted. “Excuse me?”

Aventurine shrunk and opened his mouth to explain. “I- it, it’s - you - you wouldn’t.. It’s hard, I don’t-”

“I wouldn’t understand?” Aventurine nodded, reaching his hands up to cradle his arms. Ratio drew his hands up to rub at his eyes. “I cannot believe you.”

“Look, I get it, Ratio. I just need you to be hands off about-” 

“Shut up!” Ratio shouted, breathing in shakily and stepping towards him. Aventurine jumped. “You think that’s okay, Aventurine? You think it is okay for you to allow a disgusting, loathsome deviant, to drug you and rape you?” His eyes pricked with tears, not because he was upset, but because of how wide they were (at least, that’s what he told himself.) His mouth hung open. Aventurine said nothing and shrunk under his gaze. “I’m serious, Aventurine, help me understand.”

Aventurine stared up at him. His lip trembled. He looked down, as if trying to find the words, before the tremble in his lip went away. He looked back up at him now, as if an entirely different person. The mask. That stupid fucking mask. “I’ll be seeing myself out.”

“Don’t you dare.” 

“I am not under any obligation to explain myself to you.” Ratio swore, he swore, he heard his voice crack. But he didn’t have time to think about it, because Aventurine swung the door open and left.

Ratio trembled and slammed the door. When he turned around, the Memokeeper appeared. He swung his arm out to punch her, and she simply phased opposite of his fist and grabbed a hold of it to push it down. “That was awfully violent.” 

“Leave me alone!” Ratio tried to push her, tried to do anything to get her to leave, and she wouldn’t. She just kept slipping right out of his grasp. Black Swan would sit and carve this painful, evil memory into a dream bubble and present it to Fuli. Because Fuli probably found joy in his misery. Black Swan absolutely did. “I’m serious. Out!” 

“You could use some guidance, no?”

Ratio shook in anger and crashed onto the couch where Aventurine had slept. His blanket and pillows were still in the same spot. He bundled his fingertips in his hair and forced his palms into his eyes. Anything to not see. Maybe he could do it. Maybe he could sever the neural links to his corneas so he wouldn’t have to see anymore. 

He breathed in, rubbed his eyes, and shrunk deeper into himself. Breathe. Breathe, and it will be okay. It will all go away. 

Ratio drew his fingers down his cheeks, distorting his face, and leaned back into the couch. He looked to Black Swan weakly. “What.”

Black Swan smiled at him and sat on the coffee table opposite of him. “We should get you back into that bathtub, Doctor.”

Ratio tossed his head back and stared at the ceiling. That sounded so nice. With a book. Yeah. 

And then he remembered the hotel and lack of a good, clean bathtub, no bubble bath, and the happy thought disappeared. “I hate this planet.”

The Memokeeper giggled. “Miss your rubber ducky?”

He absolutely did. A gift from the only agreeable member of The Genius Society in the universe: Stephen Loyd. But not even he would know how to navigate this disgusting situation. “I don’t know what to do.”

That was a rare admission from Dr. Veritas Ratio. He always knew what to do, and if he didn’t, he figured it out. He didn’t know how to figure it out. For all he knew, he would be cast aside by the IPC - if this truly was business and he was getting in the way of it, the IPC would ensure he’d never see Aventurine again. 

He felt sick.

Black Swan breathed in calculatedly. “These types of emotions are often quite hard to navigate.” She drew a hand up to rest her cheek on it. After a few moments, she stood. “I’ll think on it,” she said, and then disappeared.

Ratio, oddly, found this amusing. So much for guidance.

His hotel felt significantly more empty once it was packed up. He checked frequently for any books, shirts or otherwise forgotten goods. Ratio, embarrassingly, crawled on the floor to do this. He noticed a shimmer underneath the couch and reached in to grab it. 

He narrowed his eyes. A poker chip. 

The chip felt cold against his forehead. Aventurine never used plastic chips - his were all made out of metal. Ratio shoved it into his pocket. 

Ratio, along with a few other members of the IPC (including one he refused to name) were being sent to Edo Star to research in a prominent Intelligentsia Guild extension and meet with Dr. Elune. Edo Star, while not one of Ratio’s home planets, was one he frequented and often taught in long before the IPC ever assigned him to work alongside Aventurine in Penacony. Thus, at the end of the 32 system hour trip, he knew exactly where he was headed.

He had left his home clean, minus the few books he had left out as he waited for his ship to arrive. Similar to his hotel, it was Ratio-esque, but this was effortless. The indoor and outdoor bled into each other, with glass doors that opened up to a balcony overlooking the roads below. The interior was pale with the exception of a few gold accents and dark navy towels. He hung his jacket up, setting his bag on the kitchen counter and approaching the dried flowers he kept atop the island bar. He pressed his hands to the marble, squinting. Had they been moved? Perhaps. 

As he reached into his pocket to open his phone, he squinted. It seems he had accidentally neglected a contact.

hey, doctor. i’ve been thinking about you. 3d

are you ignoring me? 1d

we are still co-workers, doctor. i feel like this is uncivil :( 15h

Ratio cleared his throat. I’m sorry, Xuefei. That was not intentional. Will you be on Edo Star? We can meet for coffee. 

The response came quicker than expected. 

:( 

Would you prefer tea? You are welcome to come meet me in my home. 15A-Q2-XX. 

okay … >:( 

Chapter Text

Ratio sat on the edge of his bed as Xuefei fell asleep. He stood and moved into his bathroom to wipe his body clean of their.. Repulsive actions. He refused to look at himself in the mirror. When he turned to gander at his bathtub, his rubber ducky caught his eye. 

Ratio stared at it. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

After slipping into his nightwear - a matching navy blue set with golden accents - he stepped out onto the balcony with a fresh cup of tea, watching as Edo Star came to life for the night. Colors flashed underneath him as cars raced, somehow never crashing, always managing to impress him. Edo Star was perfect for him in this way - it worked, it was always perfectly calculated and nothing was done wrong. He felt out of place.

He settled down on the chair on the balcony - the single chair, given he seldom had company - and reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone. 

“This is Topaz speaking.”

“Hello Topaz.” Ratio cleared his throat. “Have you seen Aventurine recently?”

Topaz took a few moments to respond. “I’m on the entire other side of Asdana, bud. You’re probably better off calling him yourself.”

Ratio rubbed his temple. “Would anyone else know?”

A laugh came from the other side of the phone. “Are you in the dog house or something?”

“You could say that.”

Topaz laughed again. “Hold on, let me check his schedule.” 

Ratio stared at his hands and gently cleared his throat as he waited. It felt like a little too long of a wait. “Topaz.”

“Hey, I’m doing you a favor. Be patient,” Topaz stayed silent for a little longer. “Says he’s heading over to Edo Star now.” 

Ratio shut his eyes and breathed without restriction. “Does it say how much longer he’s got on the ship?”

“Like, less than a system hour. Maybe you could show up at the station with a bouquet of flowers.”

Ratio scoffed. “I will not be doing that. Also, ‘like’ is an unnecessary filler word which often makes one’s speech informal and repetitive. Perhaps you could-” Ratio pulled his phone down to look at the empty screen. “Did she seriously just hang up on me?”

Xuefei gently rapped the doorframe and stepped outside to stand next to Ratio’s chair. Perhaps the lack of seating was doing him a favor - not inviting her to sit. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Xuefei. He just felt.. An immense kind of disgust after fraternizing with her. She cleared his throat and he rose his head to look up at her. 

She hesitated, seeming to have lost her words. Ratio turned back to the sights of the city. He watched as a light from an opposing building flickered off. Could’ve been someone falling asleep. Leaving for the night. Having sex. Huddling under the covers and crying. They’d let themselves succumb. He turned back to Xuefei, trying to give her room to speak. Her robe was sheer, but she covered her chest. The floral fabric, designed in accordance to Xianzhou beauty standards, was in no regards prepared for the cold weather of Edo Star. 

Ratio blinked up at her. He had no desire to translate her feelings. But he didn’t want to be a monster, either. What a delicate balance. “I need to retrieve someone from the station.” Xuefei turned away. Ratio ran a hand through his hair to straighten it, noticing the absence of his laurel. It must’ve fallen off somewhere between his living room and his bed. When he tried to turn back to her, to invite her for another night over (not for the sake of sex, but for the sake of her feelings,) she was gone. 

Ratio caught sight of Aventurine staring down at his phone as his suitcase floated after him. Floating suitcases - what a brilliant invention. Why hadn’t he come up with that?

It’s best to watch where you’re walking in such a crowded place, lest you trample an unsuspecting child. 

Aventurine’s eyes flickered to the top of his phone past his glasses, and he paused, his suitcase slamming into his ankle. He cursed and lifted his foot behind him to soothe it, catching sight of Ratio as he approached him. There was a twinge of distaste, before the gambler took a breath in and attempted to greet him. Before he could say anything,  Ratio, not wanting to cause an idiot disturbance to the foot traffic, grabbed his arm to pull him closer to the wall and out of the way. Aventurine let his hand linger for just a moment before he shrugged him off. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m picking you up.”

Aventurine laughed under his breath. “Yeah, I have a ride already. Thanks. And nice pajamas.”

“Well, cancel it.” Ratio spoke with no concern. If worse came to worse, he could attempt to manipulate Aventurine but only for his own good. Aventurine rolled his eyes and looked down to his phone. “It’s rude to be on your phone in the face of company, Gambler.”

Aventurine hummed and pulled his hat down a little. Ratio stared harder, hoping he’d be able to feel it through his thick skull. “I’m booking a hotel.”

The doctor scoffed and folded his arms. This should’ve been Xuefei’s job. Maybe he’d been fucking her during her working hours, maybe that was why Aventurine had to book his own hotel as a Stoneheart. How unfortunate. “I never thought of the Planar Resource branch as incompetent.”

“Because they’re not,” Aventurine muttered. “I was going to stay with a friend.” He pushed his phone into his pocket and glanced up to Ratio. Ratio’s gaze softened for a moment - he could see beyond the glasses that Aventurine’s mask seemed a little flimsy today. 

Ratio cleared his throat. “Plans fell through?”

“Yes, he screamed at me in his office for the way I conduct my business.” Aventurine furrowed his brows. 

Oh. Ratio stilled. He would think about this. Aventurine in his home, eating meals with him, laughing at him and making fun of him. He could be hospitable. Instead, he spoke like an idiot. “I did not scream.”

Aventurine scoffed and turned around with a dismissive wave of his hand. Ratio grabbed his shoulder and twisted him back around. “I did not say you could leave.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Doctor. May I leave now, pretty, pretty please?” Aventurine stuck out his lip in a pout. Stupid, manipulative gambler, maybe it would’ve been better to let him leave, because now that Ratio’s throat was tightening he was beginning to forget his words. 

“Ask me to stay in my house.” Ratio said firmly, or so he thought, because his voice shook a bit at the end. He furrowed his brows anyway and stared down at him. And yet, he couldn’t take himself seriously, the corners of his lips betraying him as they shook and twinged into a smile. He stifled a laugh. “Or else.”

Aventurine’s hands hovered up towards Ratio’s face in claws as if he wanted to tear his face off. He pressed his lips together in anger before they, too, betrayed him and crumpled into a smile. Ratio’s grin widened as well, but this time with pride. Aventurine’s hands fell aggressively to his sides with a slap. He turned away towards the exit and started off. 

Ratio fell into step beside him as Aventurine pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Better cancel that hotel,” Ratio demanded lightly. 

“Here, Doctor, why don’t you use that big brain of yours and do it yourself.” Aventurine shoved the phone into his hand, still adorning a smile he tried to hide. 

Ratio did not take orders from other people. But he sifted through the tabs on Aventurine’s phone and did exactly as he was told, striding through the station with his pajamas on with pride. “Hungry?”

“That’s enough out of you. I’m still mad at you.” Aventurine stepped outside into the dark, cold Edo Star and, when Ratio turned, he followed him to the lot. Ratio had to fight the urge to grab a hold of his hand - for guidance purposes, he’d imagine. He put his hands behind his back instead, watching Aventurine out of the corner of his eye as the other man drew his hands up to his face to rub his eyes underneath his glasses. He grumbled under his breath. 

Ratio watched him. This.. felt.. Strange. Like he had some unspoken control. He tried not to think about it too much as Aventurine’s suitcase wrapped itself up and tucked itself into the back of his sleek, navy car. When he sat in the driver’s seat, he noticed his breathing seemed a little off. His throat remained tight. Perhaps it was that ‘pretty please,’ again, like Aventurine had no idea what it did to him. Surely he knew. The gambler wasn’t stupid.

Yet, as Ratio drove the two of them to his house, and he watched as Aventurine walked into his door and removed his jacket, hanging it up next to his on the hook, he beamed. 

Five points.

Chapter Text

Ratio had offered (or more so demanded) that Aventurine sleep in his bed whilst he slept on the couch. Technically, he did have a guest room, but he had converted it into a storage room. He wasn’t used to the company. He wasn’t used to others wanting to share his company outside of an academic environment. Except Ratio didn’t fall asleep when he said he was going to, instead opting to make Aventurine’s future room a more hospitable environment. This meant moving all those damn books - tomes he hadn’t read in years. He picked one up specifically, having to blow off the dust and laughing at the irony. What genius left so many books unread? Perhaps tomorrow he would venture out and purchase another bookshelf with his saved credits. 

Deep into the night, Edo Star was still alive. He preferred this nocturnal world greatly, the type of world that was less active during the day. This was in part due to the nature of Edo Star inhabitants and their eyes - after they had adjusted to nighttime routines, dark-favoring traits became more attractive, and so their eyes began to become more and more sensitive to light in favor of night vision. He personally did not relate to this, being a native of an entirely different planet, but he could appreciate the night. Despite the livelihood of the city, it was quieter and more peaceful. More beautiful. 

After the sheets had finished washing, he spread them out over the new bed and collapsed into it as he imagined Aventurine would. The bedframe could’ve rotted away from lack of use for all he knew. Would such a thing even happen? He rose a brow. He closed his eyes as he pondered. 

He woke next to the fabled Memokeeper in a train. He was adorned in a rather professional outfit, ready to head off to work at the Intelligentsia Guild. Whoever crafted this scene knew him well, as he held a book in his hand. Whenever he tried to read it, the words flew off the pages.

Ratio turned to the Memokeeper absently. “Is this a dream?” 

He figured that in asking this, the Memokeeper - or his version of her, at least - would possibly cease to exist. But she didn’t answer, having her head faced away from him. When he nudged her, she didn’t respond.

Ratio’s brows knitted. How rude, for a guest to ignore him, especially in a space where they were not wanted. He leaned forward to catch a glimpse of her face.

His eyes widened. Behind the veil was not the Memokeeper that he knew. Her mouth was sewn shut, and her eyes were white and irrefutably sinister. Freckles bridged across her earthy, warm skin and elegant nose. White, wavy hair framed her face, however every strand past her ears was a dark, almost incomprehensible black. 

She stared at her. Ratio felt his blood run cold. His heart pounded, and the sound filled up the entire train. She lifted a small, delicate finger to her lips, dragging it down. Ratio’s mouth wanted to part, to be afraid, to breathe, but it wouldn’t move. His hands flung up to his face. His mouth was sewn shut. 

The other passengers had vanished. The train began to move incomprehensibly fast, so much so that he was flung to the end. The woman in Black Swan’s clothes remained where she was, staring at him. Ratio tried to scream. He tried to call for help. He tried to do anything. All he could do was stare back at her. Succumb. 

Succumb now, lest you fight on worthlessly. 

Ratio screamed in terror. His eyes flew open into the guest room, up to Aventurine, who was feverishly unnerved. R atio stood up as quickly as he possibly could and nearly toppled over. Aventurine grabbed him before he could. Skin. Skin skin skin skin. Warmth. Humanity. Reality. 

He breathed. He opened his mouth. The surrounding area felt numb and bitter, like stitches had been ripped out, and as he trampled over himself - and Aventurine, to look into the mirror, there was nothing. No scars, no blood, no sign of his peril. 

This could not have been a dream. No, Ratio didn’t dream, especially not like this. 

Ratio watched as Aventurine approached him in the mirror. It was light out. Edo Star would begin to sleep as the non-natives went about their lives. Aventurine’s hand hovered over Ratio’s shoulder momentarily, before it fell back to his side. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Ratio said to his own reflection and fixed his clothes that had been roused by sleep. “Just a simple night terror.” He turned to look at his guest, who had already gotten himself ready for the day. Ratio grabbed Aventurine’s wrist to check his watch. Skin. 

Aventurine watched him do this. “I didn’t take you as the type to have nightmares,” his lips twisted into a smile. “Or.. be scared, ever.”

Ratio bit back a remark. He had been scared during that Intelligentsia event. He had been scared when he realized what Aventurine was drinking. He had been scared when Aventurine left his office. Ratio cleared his throat and accidentally shoved the gambler’s hand away instead of dropping it. He blinked at him and cleared his throat as he started his morning stretches. “I seldom dream at all. Not only is it hard to sleep properly as a professor, doctor, and genius of sorts, I usually do not sleep long enough to enter sleep cycles required for dreams.”

“Hm.” Aventurine tilted his head to maintain proper eye contact throughout the doctor’s stretches. “Would you consider me a genius of sorts, Doc?”

Of course he did. “Of course I don’t. Geniuses would not sacrifice their lives for work.” But he knew, he knew what was wrong with Penacony before Ratio did. There were times he wondered if he ever would’ve been able to figure out the truth without Aventurine – but no. Aventurine, although intelligent, usually took too many risks to be considered a genius. 

Aventurine read his mind anyway and smiled, rolling his shoulders into a shrug. Once his stretches were complete, Ratio stood tall again. “Did you come in here only to rouse me from my sleep?”

“Save you from your nightmare. That’s what I did.” Aventurine leaned forward as he corrected Ratio. He was the only person in all of Asdana who was allowed to correct Dr. Veritas Ratio. “I was going to tell you I was heading out, I wanted to see if we could coordinate our rides together for the meeting with Dr. Elune.”

“Ah,” Ratio started into the kitchen. “I take it you’ve had breakfast already.”

“I don’t eat breakfast?”

Ratio turned to him. He thought for a moment and then began opening cabinets. “Zero points. That’s a house rule.”

“Did you just zero-point me?”

Ratio knit his brows together at the cabinets and squeezed his eyes shut. This was probably why Nous hadn’t gazed upon him. He kept scoring people aloud. “No.”

Aventurine giggled. “You totally did!” 

Ratio nearly smacked himself across the face. “If you’d like to change your score, you will have breakfast.” 

“I didn’t wake up with enough time for breakfast, I’m gonna be late.” Aventurine started towards the door, but Ratio grabbed an apple and tossed it to him. It fell to the floor with a thump. Aventurine started down at it and sighed. “Zero points?”

“You’re into the negatives.” Ratio stepped towards him and picked up the apple, shoving it into his hand. “Go on, don’t be late.” 

Ratio was beginning to remind himself of his mother. Aventurine pursed his lips. This close, Ratio noted that today, he wasn’t wearing his citrine perfume, but before he could ask about it Aventurine turned away again and rubbed the apple off on his shirt. “Be sure to send me a list of house rules,” he called back, then closed the door. 

Ratio waited. He waited for Aventurine’s steps to grow quiet as they descended down the stairs. And then he smiled, wildly, hands jittering with excitement. He twirled. Naturally, his parasite was there, and he jumped. Black Swan snickered at him. But he didn’t care - this was a memory Fuli could have. His smile didn’t disappear. Not until Black Swan frowned. “What happened to your face?”

She stood and approached him before he could respond, gracing her fingers across the skin around his lips. Worry flashed over her features. Everyone was beginning to remind him of his mother. Ratio tried to keep smiling. “You can see that?”

“I- what?” Black Swan pulled up her phone and tried to show him his reflection with the camera. “Can you not?”

Ratio’s hair was a disaster. How was Aventurine still smiling at him? He raced to fix it, but Black Swan pulled her phone away. “When did that happen?”

“This morning - or, last night, I suppose. I was dreaming.” The word felt wrong. Dreams were not meant to be terrifying (unless they were Sunday’s.) Dreams were meant to be blissful, perhaps erotic, perhaps sad, but not terrifying. “I thought it was you again, and you had deceived me.”

“Oh, and you were wrong, just like I said?”

Ratio scorned. “I had my reasons not to trust you. Nothing binds Memokeepers to truth.” Black Swan waved a hand, and Ratio continued with a huff. “There was this woman who was wearing your clothes.. She had these.. Eyes, that..” the thought alone made him shiver. But Black Swan looked at him knowingly. 

“Oscura de la Sombra.” Black Swan sighed, turning away and staring at the scars around Ratio’s lips that only she seemed to be able to see. “A former Memokeeper.”

Ratio folded his arms. “And she’s a Cremator now, I suppose.” 

Black Swan, to his distaste, nodded. “Have you been forgetting things?”

“No. All of my memories are important.”

Black Swan seemed to fight not to scoff at him. “You’d be a good Memokeeper, Doctor. Maybe consider taking up a new hobby?”

Ratio shook his head as if Black Swan were making a genuine suggestion and started into his guest room turned library turned guest room. “I’ll do my research and see if I can find anything about her.”

“Oh?” Once Ratio was inside, Black Swan appeared perched on the table. “And what makes you think I can’t tell you?”

Ratio turned up to her. “Go on.”

Black Swan looked at nothing in particular. She phased away. 

Chapter Text

The meeting with Dr. Elune was atrocious. 

Endless raving on and on about the dangers. The radiation. The explosions. The instability of the quantum element. Blah blah blah blah blah. She even tried to drag Ratio into it – “you, Doctor, you surely understand the risks?”

Of course he did. He agreed with her, truthfully, but he wasn’t getting paid to agree with her. And so he drabbled - using Intellitrons for the workforce, as they would not be so easily harmed by quantum radiation. The explosion had been from a calculation error. Hire more competent people and it’d no longer be an issue. 

He got a glare from Xuefei for that one. It was technically useful for her to be there - Quantum Energy Solutions would mean big things for the constantly moving technology the Planar Resources Department had to use. She had meaningful things to say. Probably.

The best part of the meeting - as with all meetings - was the end. Aventurine scurried up to fall into pace beside Ratio as the two began the venture back to his home. It was a short walk, and so they ultimately had no reason to carpool together - besides, Ratio didn’t mind a light venture to keep his blood flowing. 

“You know, this is my first time on Edo Star.” Aventurine’s eyes flickered up to the lanterns overhead. They weren’t lit in the daylight. “It’s kind of eerie.”

“Meaning?”

“Well,” Aventurine tilted his head thoughtfully. He had his usual hat and glasses on - it seemed to help a bit with his charm, and thus, the negotiations. “I guess I’m so used to seeing so many people out in the daylight it.. Seems.. Like everyone’s dead, almost.”

Ratio kept silent. Death was a difficult concept to navigate with Aventurine. “Well they aren’t. They’re just asleep.” When Aventurine simply nodded, and the two exited the alleyway, Ratio gestured towards the tall buildings and street shops. “I’ll have to take you out to see the lights at night. They’re quite beautiful from my balcony as well - you saw some on the drive, yes?”

Aventurine glanced up at him from above his glasses. “Take me out, hm?”

“Yes, to see the lights. There is a sushi chef I think you’d enjoy as well. A former culinary student of mine.”

“Oh, and you’re taking me out to dinner?” Aventurine broke into a giggle. “Oh my.”

Ratio finally caught up. Surely he could wriggle his way out of this. He reached into his pocket to grab his phone and opened his files. “I drafted up the house rules.”

“Someone’s changing the subject~” Aventurine sang, but he took a hold of Ratio’s phone anyway. He scrolled. And scrolled again. And then he stopped walking and turned. “What the hell is this?”

Ratio stopped a couple of steps behind him. “My house rules. Are you coming or not? We’re almost there.”

“Doc, this is like, three pages. I’m going to break half of these in my sleep.”

“You have a tendency to stop in the middle of walkways, I’ve noticed. It displays a crude disregard of order and respect for other humanoids.” 

“You whine a lot,” Aventurine sighed as he walked back up to him and shoved his phone in his hand. Ratio paused, dumbfounded, before he followed Aventurine up the steps to his house. He pressed his fingertip to the door handle and it unlocked. 

Ratio set his suitcase on the table. “The filler word ‘like,’ is banned in my home, so you will have to leave that at the door.”

Aventurine’s hands flung up to his face and he rubbed his skin languidly underneath his glasses. He then dropped them, feigning nervousness. “Sorry, was I not allowed to rub my face?”

“House rules.”

Aventurine’s face cracked into a smile. “Did you just make a joke?”

Ratio turned to him with a blink. “Technically, rubbing your face prior to washing your hands falls under the basic rule of cleanliness, and-” he was cut off by a long, irritated groan. 

Aventurine stared at him for a few moments. Let it sink in. And then he turned on his heel to head into the guest room and closed the door.

Ratio felt a bit slighted. He stepped into the kitchen, gathering various herbs and ingredients from the fridge. He tried to avoid unnecessarily high-tech appliances, finding it important to maintain his independence even if it meant doing redundant tasks. His fridge did not apply to this. He loved his fridge. It came up with recipes on the fly, ordered groceries for him, played music and could even chop ingredients (this last feature he neglected for the sake of the julienne cut that, somehow, the fridge could not manage to do evenly.)

As the minutes passed, and he finally got some seasoned chicken on skewers and onto a pan, a pleasant savory aroma was beginning to fill his home. He threw a few things behind his back, making a show of his cooking - it was culinary arts, after all, and so he saw no harm in adding dramatic flair to an otherwise mundane task. A door creaked open and he nearly squeaked - which, thank Nous he didn’t, that would’ve been pathetic - having forgotten he had company. Aventurine crept up to the stove, now in a matching black set of pajamas with accents at the collar and sleeves. He marveled down at the pan for a moment. “I didn’t know you could cook!”

“A physique like mine does not come from eating junk,” Ratio grumbled, unsure how one could possibly survive while not knowing how to cook. “One of my PhDs is in Culinary Arts - actually, I believe I mentioned teaching Culinary Arts not even a system hour ago.”

Aventurine rolled his eyes. “I’ll have to start writing down everything you say, then. How many PhDs do you have again, Doc?”

“Eight. I believe we’ve been over this.”

Aventurine leaned against the counter so that he was now facing Ratio. “We have,” he reached down to adjust his sleeves. “I just think it’s attractive.”

Ratio blinked down at his food. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at Aventurine, who was staring directly at him. Ratio cleared his throat. “The plates are in that cabinet.”

“Neat.”

Ratio stood for a few moments and then lifted his head up. “So go get them.”

“Yes, sir,” Aventurine smirked and reached up on the tips of his toes to access the cabinet. Ratio was beginning to lose his appetite. 

“Don’t call me that.”

Aventurine exaggerated a frown and held the plates out to Ratio. “Soooooorrryy. House rules?”

Ratio cleared his throat again, trying to rid himself of the tightness. “House rules.” 

Ratio led Aventurine out to the balcony so that he could eat and watch Edo Star as it began to come to life for the night. When Ratio stepped back inside, he could feel Aventurine’s eyes on him, but neither said anything. He had work to do, and so it was more productive for him to eat in his office. 

He collapsed into his chair and squeezed his eyes shut. Living with Aventurine was probably not a good idea. He would never get any work done. He would never focus again. Had Aventurine left the upper buttons of his nightwear undone on purpose for his host, or did he just do that all the time? Ratio shoved his hands into his face. He shoved his computer closed and rested his head on his desk.

If Aventurine really wanted to, he could’ve come into his office right now just to suck him off. The thought was maddening. His mouth might not be as soft as Xuefei’s and his touch might not be been as gentle. But Aeons, it would’ve been so much better. Ratio wondered how tight his throat could possibly get, how red his face was, how he could stop thinking like this. But he didn’t want to. His body clearly didn’t want him to either, because now he was at a point where he couldn’t just adjust his pants to hide his erection. 

He shoved his head back into the chair and shivered. He could ask him. He was just a few steps away. And he’d probably do it. Probably. No, he would do it, and he’d get lost in it, and he’d whimper and moan against Ratio’s cock like the sex crazed lunatic he was. 

Ratio finally opened his eyes to look at the unfastened lock on the door and then reached into his pants to wrap his shaking fingers around his shaft. His body flushed with heat, overwhelmingly - he realized now that he had been neglecting his arousal this entire time, and when he finally pushed down his pants far enough his cock tingled pleasantly against the cold air. He shivered, but he refused to look at himself, still staring down that door. If Aventurine could just.. Walk in, and see how badly he was needed. 

Ratio tried to gain control of his body again, shaking his head, but his hand began to move and twisted his cock lightly every now and again. He shut his eyes again. He never did this, never. It was a waste of time. And usually he never.. Got so aroused.. But fuck, it felt so good. 

He was beginning to feel like a teenager. His hand began to slap against the base of his cock, and he wondered if Aventurine could hear it. If he’d think about it later. If he was blushing. If he was getting hard himself. What he looked like naked. What he looked like when he came. 

Ratio’s back arched as he reached his climax and his come, disgustingly, regretfully, shot out onto his shirt, but he didn’t stop moving his hand until he had exhausted himself. His arms fell to the sides of his chair. He breathed, heavily, languidly, staring at nothing. 

What the hell was that? Thirty seconds, no more no less? Over what, thoughts? And he had lasted longer with Xuefei, a real, living humanoid. He hypothesized that Xuefei was actually counterproductive to his pleasure. And then he got mad at himself for hypothesizing, for masturbating, for thinking, for breathing, for existing. Was this all he was at the end of the day? A man with perverted needs?

And now how the hell was he supposed to get into the bathroom?

He stood after he had recovered, pulling up his pants with disgust and using his clean, less sinful hand to grab his now cold plate of food. He used his foot to open the door slightly, making sure that Aventurine was still looking out into the world before he made a mad dash into the master bathroom and nearly tripped over one of Aventurine’s discarded pieces of clothing. 

“House rules!” He shouted uncontrollably, and then slammed the door shut inside his bathroom. Why did he have to call attention to himself? Why did he have to make house rules in the first fucking place? Why. Why why why. 

He had made sure to make his bath hot, as to burn away the sin and disgust and the.. Ick. The towel was never enough. 

Originally, he wanted to keep his rubber ducky out of the bathtub. He did not deserve the punishment alongside him. And then he remembered that his rubber ducky enjoyed baths just as much as he did, regardless of why they were being taken, and plopped him in from a height. The water splashed onto Ratio’s plate. 

He ate the skewers anyway, despite their coldness, and then set the plate on the ground. It was quite the maneuver, crawling out of a bathtub but remaining inside. Once he settled, once he could finally fully rest inside, he sighed and looked at his rubber ducky. 

Ratio considered giving himself a lobotomy. If he were to remove his hypothalamus, his brain would quit making him so horny all the time over nothing.  

“It’s hard being a human. You are quite lucky.”

Chapter Text

  House Rules:

No dirty shoes inside.

No bringing random people into my home.

You must always eat breakfast, as it is the most important meal of the day.

Thinking time occurs in the last 4 hours of every night cycle. Do not disturb it, lest you want to be smacked across the face. 

Preoccupation is the enemy of research.

Curfew is 40 \sqrt{(-2)^4} + \frac{30}{5} - 1 = X

Ratio handed his phone to Aventurine. “Is this a more acceptable list of rules?”

Aventurine took a moment to read them. He broke into a laugh. “What the fuck is this? Why did you give me a math problem, why can’t you just say the number? And why do I have a curfew?”

“I am testing your intelligence to ensure I do not share my home with a moron.” 

“Okay. Goodness.” Aventurine rubbed a side of his face. The sunlight hit his hair in a way that nearly made it glow, and Ratio took a sip of his morning tea to ignore it. “These first two are fine. The third one - the third one is just a lifestyle choice, the fourth one,” his mouth parted as he shook his head and tried to find the words. “I like being slapped, so I might just irritate your thinking time on purpose.”

Ratio absolutely should not have invited him into his home. He shook his head and buried his face in his hands. Was he interested in the idea of hurting Aventurine? Of course not. But Aventurine would like it. But he couldn’t think about that. He couldn’t think about the way Aventurine’s back would arch and he’d beg to be slapped harder. “I cannot handle you.”

“I’m just saying. And this one - this is just your motto, Doc! T-This isn’t even a rule, how am I supposed to follow this?” Aventurine’s hands flung into the air. Had his grip been any looser, Ratio’s phone would’ve flung across the room. 

Ratio breathed out steadily. The rules. Think about the rules. Those were not attractive. “It is a suggestion to avoid preoccupation and always stay on task.”

Aventurine smiled at him like he was an idiot. “I should’ve just gotten a hotel.”

“Hotels have rules.”

“Hotels do not give me curfews like I am a teenager, Doctor. This is silly.” 

Ratio turned to him with his elbows against his knees and his hands holding his face. He huffed. “I am protecting you from deviant activity.”

“Deviant activity happens before 10 PM too, you know.” Aventurine remarked, and then grinned once again once Ratio stared at him dumbfounded. “Yeah, I figured it out! I bet that makes you really horny.”

Ratio rubbed his face again, harder this time. Realistically, though, it did have a little bit to do with genuine frustration. This was inappropriate speech for a coworker. “Zero points.”

Aventurine threw himself back into the couch. “Oh, sorry Doc. You gonna ground me now?”

“I should. Perhaps it would teach you some manners.” 

Aventurine shivered. Ratio rose a brow and chugged the rest of his tea before he stood. “I have a lecture in an hour. I probably won’t be home until you’ve already left for the IPC soirée.”

The gambler frowned up at him. “You’re not gonna go?”

Ratio looked at Aventurine like he was crazy. Of course he wasn’t going. “I absolutely despise those events. I try to avoid them at all costs.”

“Okay, so then why don’t you come for me?”

Ratio’s mouth parted and he closed it again. Forget those words immediately. They are not safe to remember. “No.”

Aventurine frowned deeper. “Pretty please?”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. This was becoming unfair. Outright unsafe. Did Aventurine know? He had to know. There was no possible fucking way he didn’t know what those words did to him. Ratio stepped away and into the kitchen to… wash his mug. Not to hide an erection. “Fine.”

“Hm?” Aventurine turned to him from over the couch. 

“Don’t make me say it again.”

House Rules:

Curfew at 10, so I know you are always safe. 

Take care of yourself. This includes, but is not limited to: rejecting drug use, eating 3 meals a day, falling asleep at a normal time. 

Tell me who you really are. 

Ratio scrutinized this list. No, it would never be good enough. It would never work. The Cremator hovered over him at his desk, glaring down his rules. Foolish. Stupid. Idiot. 

Ratio knew what he was afraid of. He knew that, perhaps beyond Aventurine’s mask, there was nothing. The last Avgin would not be there. The sweet boy he’d imagined would’ve been dead long, long ago. He would’ve been murdered. Murdered by the prying, invasive hands, the people who laughed and grew aroused in the face of his pain. Ratio covered his face with his hands. 

Perhaps this former Memokeeper had been cursed with knowing. When Ratio tried to double back, insisting that no real humanoid with complex and true emotions could find pleasure in pain, it failed. His thoughts tapered off and disappeared whenever he tried to correct it. It was as if he just knew something he shouldn’t have known. And when he tried to speak to her, ask her why she would’ve said such terrible things about the sweet Avgin boy, he realized his mouth had been sewn shut again. 

The pain. Oh Aeons, the pain. 

Oscura de la Sombra. The dark side of a shadow. Despite the lingering fear that she seemed to instill solely by being present, Ratio still wondered. He wondered what happened, why she was tormenting him. Why she was showing him memories that didn’t belong to him. 

Well, of course he couldn’t ask. 

She leaned over towards his computer and drew forth a message from a few years prior - a private interaction between two names he didn’t recognize. 

All the money’s on #35. 

Good work, Rhea. Just as I expected from you. 

Maybe you should honor his bet. It’ll keep his spirits up. 

Why the hell would I care about his spirits?

It’ll keep him livelier for our guests. Better traction, better fame. For only a few red copper coins. 

When Oscura waved her hand down to move the screen so that he could continue reading, he blacked out. 

He woke in his bed that he hadn’t remembered falling asleep in. The skin around his lips throbbed, but the pain was significantly more bearable than before. Ratio tripped out of his bed and slammed into the doorframe of his office. 

The screen on his computer read, in big red, flashing letters, [PROPERTY OF THE INTERASTRAL PEACE CORPORATION.]

Before he could properly react, it was gone. But the letters were burnt into his mind. 

Hungover from his nightmare, Ratio returned to his bedside and reached for his phone. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep - in fact, he hadn’t even recalled getting into bed. He had 14 missed messages from Aventurine. 

Hey, are you gonna get here soon? I am very bored 1hr

Hey I know I just said that only a little bit ago but now I’m really more bored 40m 

Doctor it is really rude to keep a lady waiting! 38m 

Ok imagine me dying in an alleyway calling out for you 33m

They do have this fanffastic brandy tho tis so tasty 30m

IM SOOO FUCKING DRUNK RN LOL 15m

DOC 15m 

I MISS YOU BABY 15m

Dr Veritas Ratio 2m

R 34s

A 30s

T 25s 

I 22s 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 3s

Aventurine is typing..

Aventurine is no longer typing.

Ratio massaged his temple. Perhaps he could focus on the fact that he seemed needed and avoid the drunken rambling. 

I’m coming to get you.

IM HAVING FUN DONT RUSH BABY

Ratio’s fingertips twitched above the screen. He cleared his throat. You neglected your apostrophes, the capitalization is atrocious and the punctuation needs work. I would be doing a service by reporting you as spam. 

MMm yes correct my punctation MOREE 

It’s punctuation. 

FUCKKK

Knock it off. I’m driving now. 

Ratio would’ve thought that he’d like this sort of thing. Flirting, even if it was done in a drunken haze. But he didn’t. All he could do was grip the wheel and think. He supposed that was what he always did when he drove, anyway.

Property of the Interastral Peace Corporation. That was funny. What wasn’t property of the Interastral Peace Corporation? 

30 days, 12 hours, 21 minutes and 10. 11. 12. Seconds. But who cared? Aventurine sure didn’t. 

This party was much louder than the others. Ratio had kept his eyes open for Shenyu, even if he tried to ignore the thought of Aventurine getting drugged again. But it didn’t matter how stressful it was for him. It mattered for Aventurine. “Hey.”

After being tapped on the shoulder, Aventurine flung around and began to sport the biggest, toothiest smile Ratio had ever seen. His eyes were absolutely blown and his lips were shiny from spit. Or… maybe something else, Ratio thought bitterly. Aventurine jumped up into his touch, trying to wrap his legs around him but ultimately just toppling back to the floor with Ratio’s support. “Can’t believe you ditched me!” He slurred, still smiling like a lunatic. How fitting. 

“I fell asleep.”

“UGH!” Aventurine whipped away from him and turned to the people he was standing with. Then turned right back to Ratio. He smelt so vividly of booze, citrus and sex. Ratio’s eyes wandered between the three men he was speaking to. “Doc, I think you’d.. Fuckin’ love this brandy they got. It’s like, mmm. I- like, sogood, and..”

“This is bridging into alcoholism.” Ratio muttered to himself, grabbing Aventurine by the shoulder and starting to guide him away from the bar. “You’ve missed your curfew.”

Aventurine broke into a drunken giggle, his head tilting to the side as if his neck was broken. “Mmm, you’re gonna.. You better punish me, Doc.” Ratio’s nose scrunched. 

Inside the car, Aventurine drew the seat back and shuffled into it for comfort. 

Ratio turned up his music. Typical classical tunes that he listened to for the sake of mental clarity. He figured that the electric environment of the bar was doing nothing for Aventurine’s.. Uh, extroversion. But when he began driving, he felt Aventurine’s eyes on him.

“Doc.”

“Hm?”

“You ever gotten.. Ever gotten sucked off when you’re driving? I think - that would be a fun game.” His voice was low, despite the hiccups littered into his speech. Ratio tensed beyond anything he had ever felt in his life. 

“Knock it off.”

“I love when you fuckin’ say that to me..” Aventurine sighed and turned back to the road. “Makes me.. Sooo.. turned on, Doc.”

“Aventurine, I’m not in the mood for this.”

Ratio was definitely uncomfortable, which surprised him. Had this been in any other circumstance he would’ve shoved Aventurine over the console and told him not to bite. But no - it was unsettling. Especially when he was drunk. 

Aventurine remained quiet for a while. He fixed his pants, repeatedly, rubbing his wrist over his face. He then broke into a laugh and turned to Ratio loosely. “Wanna know what Boothill called me?”

Ratio didn’t respond. Aventurine burst out laughing. “A CLOCK STUCKER!”

Ratio could barely see it, but tears formed at the edges of Aventurine’s eyes from how much he was laughing. Then, he suddenly stopped and leaned back into the chair with force. He sighed. “I gotta confess.”

“I don’t think I want to hear it.”

“Qlipoth as my witness, I would’ve let that cowboy fuckin take me.” Aventurine shut his eyes and shuffled against the chair. 

Perhaps if Ratio had invented teleportation, Nous would’ve gazed down upon him and he would have entered The Genius Society. More importantly, he would not have to listen to Aventurine drunkenly talk about how badly he wanted to fuck. Aventurine’s eyes opened again. “I bet it’s gotta.. Gotta vibrating feature, fuck.” He drew his tongue across his lips and shivered. 

“Aventurine, shut your mouth.”

Aventurine giggled and rubbed his hands across his face. His glasses had been moved up to his forehead, pushing his hair back, and when he rubbed his sweaty skin he only disheveled himself further. “Fuck. You know who else I’d let just.. Fucking destroy me?” He spoke now with an odd amount of certainty, and before Ratio could interject, he proudly announced: “Sunday Oak.”

Ratio’s brows furrowed. “Have you met a man that you haven’t wanted to have sex with, Aventurine?”

“Doc, why don’t you just call me a dirty whore next time.” 

Aventurine, having finished his rambling after detailing his dream night with the head of the Oak family, fell half asleep as Ratio tried to put him to bed. He ultimately chose to pick him up and carry him, which still proved to be a challenge despite his strength. He made a definite point not to brush his hand anywhere near Aventurine’s incredibly noticeable erection. 

Aventurine murmured something inaudible to Ratio’s ears when he dragged a blanket over him. Ratio removed his sunglasses and smoothed out the other man’s hair. He stared for a few moments as Aventurine drifted off to sleep, debating whether or not he would remember what he’d said tonight.

Maybe he was a little jealous of Boothill and Sunday. It would be nice, to be wanted so deeply and not know it. 

Ratio cleared his throat and put himself to bed for the night. 

Chapter Text

Ratio’s eyes had to have been closed for hours. But he couldn’t sleep.

Every single moment was spent. Thinking about things he shouldn’t have been. But he refused to believe he was still awake. He would blame these thoughts on his subconscious. On his dreams. 

No. He wouldn’t really ever think about Aventurine getting fucked senseless by Sunday. Just like how he’d described in the car (which he had to have been doing to torment the fuck out of him.) For the Cornerstone, Aventurine would’ve gotten down on his knees and showed Sunday things that were worth dreaming about. He would’ve conquered him with just his mouth - Sunday’s over-professional demeanor and cynicality would’ve disappeared. I’d love to turn him.. Into a scrambling little mess, n.. N’ he’d say, oh, oh Aventurine, fuck, how’d I ever do something.. So bad to hurt - hic – your business.

Ratio’s hands flung up to his eyes. His body felt so hot . Uncontrollably so. He sat up, scrambling around his bedsheets for a taste of Aventurine’s citrus perfume. He smelt every single inch, and he started to lose hope - it all just smelt of floral bath soap. But then, as he was running out of blanket to smell, he found it. 

And he felt disgusting as his hands trembled and his cock rose. Disgusting, degenerate man. God, he should not have let Aventurine sleep in his bed. This was so unfair. So disgusting. And he moaned into the blanket, shivering as he leaned down on top of it and moved down to free his cock from his pants. He rolled his hips into the mattress, head flushed and in a haze. Buried in the scent. Lemon, perhaps, or orange - maybe even lime. 

Aventurine probably jerked off the moment he left him alone. He might’ve been doing it right now. Ratio licked his lips and shivered. Getting sucked off as he drove - why the everloving fuck did he reject that? 

Telling that man to knock it off. That was especially.. Fuck. He’d be such a brat. He’d talk back just like he did outside of sex, but it’d be feral, primal, and he’d groan and whine when he got pinned down. Ratio’s hands shook as he wrapped them around his cock.

“So, I’ve been doing my research on that-”

Ratio screamed and shot up, wrapping the blanket around him rapidly. Black Swan covered her eyes. “I’m so sorry!”

“Get out! Out, out! Get out! Now!”

The Memokeeper disappeared. Ratio clenched onto the blanket, frozen. His face was red now, definitely not from arousal anymore but from downright fucking embarrassment. What was worse was knowing that the Memokeeper was probably still in the room. She was just hiding.

Ratio had definitely lost his erection by the time he shoved his cock back into his pants. He stood, rubbing his face with his hands. And then, he started laughing. 

Black Swan reappeared sheepishly, creeping over to him. “Are you not mad?”

“Oh, I’m furious,” Ratio spat, whipping around to face her. “When did I sign away my privacy to you? You’re like a tick!”

“If it changes anything, I’ve learned to expect that from men.”

Ratio’s brows knitted. “Like women don’t masturbate.”

Black Swan tilted her head, genuinely considering this. “We do, but we don’t really.. Get turned on by smelling blankets.”

The doctor’s mouth dropped in disgust and his face reddened again. He scrambled for words: “I-I can’t, I cannot, ”

Black Swan turned to the bed with distaste and then strode over to the window to admire the nighttime lights. “Be nice, Veritas, otherwise I’ll make sure this exact moment is the only way the universe remembers you.”

“I won’t care. I’ll be dead!” Ratio spat, stripping his bed of its blankets. He was clearly too irresponsible to have them. He shoved his door open and hit poor Aventurine in the face. “Oh, great Nous, enlighten me as to why everyone is breathing down my neck tonight!”

Aventurine’s hands flew up to cradle his nose. “Ow, you asshole!” 

“Why are you standing behind my door?” Ratio stormed past him and into the hallway next to his kitchen to start a load of laundry. Black Swan followed behind him. 

“I heard screaming, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay!” Aventurine followed closely behind him. “Who are you talking to?”

Ratio glared at Black Swan as she hopped on top of the dryer. “Would you at least show yourself to someone else so I don’t look like a goddamn lunatic?”

Black Swan rolled her eyes and offered a wave to Aventurine, who paused and fixed his sleeves. His mouth parted as he tried to find some words. 

The Memokeeper just shook her head pitifully. “You might just want to go back to sleep, sweetheart.” 

“Why are you so much nicer to him than you are to me?” Ratio slammed the washer shut and folded his arms as he tossed himself against the opposite wall. “Why don’t you follow him around everywhere instead?”

Black Swan beckoned Aventurine over with a finger. The gambler obliged and gently stepped over to him. She grabbed his face with one hand and squished his cheeks. “He’s just such a cutie - and he listens, too! What a cute little smile.”

Ratio rubbed his face. How could he get rid of this forsaken woman? Perhaps he could just start living an invaluable life with no memory potential. That would mean never speaking to Aventurine again. He heard the two mumbling and sat up straighter. “Don’t you dare talk about me in my own home.”

Aventurine turned and lifted himself up off the ground to sit next to Black Swan. He giggled, seeming a little groggy but still considerably more functional than he was a few hours earlier. “We were talkin’ about your rubber ducky, Doc.”

Ratio was helpless. He was being tormented in his own home. He turned away into the living room to lay down on the couch. Fall asleep. He could fall asleep here. 

“I mean, yeah, he just sits in his bathtub and talks to it!”

“Aw, that’s cute. I’m surprised he doesn’t take it with him on trips.”

Ratio sat up from the couch to glare at them over the back. “My rubber ducky is not an ‘it,’ it is a ‘he,’ with complex sentiments and emotions. I don’t expect either of you imbeciles to understand.”

Black Swan broke into a snicker and whispered something in Aventurine’s ear, who burst into laughter. Ratio shoved a pillow over his head. 

“I haven’t seen Black Swan in forever!” Aventurine said the following morning, leaning over the couch with an apple. As he bit into it, he lifted the pillow up from Ratio’s face. Ratio stared up at the ceiling. “You done pouting yet, Doc?”

“You’re both on my list.”

“Oh, come on. How come?” Aventurine stuck out his bottom lip and tilted his head.

Ratio squinted up at him. “Go take a shower. You still smell like booze.”

“I can’t take a bath with Mr. Bubbles?”

Ratio covered his face with his pillow again. How did he possibly think it was a good idea to tell them the name of his beloved rubber ducky? “Go away.”

When Ratio pulled the pillow off of his head a few moments later, Aventurine had left. As he sat up, he heard the shower running.

What was especially odd, though, was that he hadn’t dreamt. The Cremator who’d been tormenting him was strangely absent last night. Perhaps it was Black Swan’s presence? He stood, momentarily neglecting his stretches before his body started to reject him for doing so.

After his morning stretches in the middle of the living room were complete, Ratio stepped into his office. But he couldn’t possibly research amidst the sudden mess inside - the mess which he did not remember creating. Nevertheless, he began to collect the various strewn books - The Disaster of Signoia - Extinct Races of The Amber Era - Penacony: The Truth Behind the Frontier Prison. 

He stopped. His heart began to thump in his chest. Had Aventurine been reading these? Why the hell would he torture himself like that? And why would he possibly want to know more about Penacony - it was over. It was done with. They never had to go back.

Ratio cleared his throat and set the three books in his chair before shaking his head and arms to clear his mind. A deep breath in, and out, and he could continue to tidy up his office. 

Halfway into the first book, Aventurine leaned on the doorway of his office. Ratio slammed the book shut. Page 148. He turned to focus on his guest, whose hair was still dripping from his shower. The scent of floral shampoo wafted into his room. Ratio cleared his throat. “Did you use my soap?”

“Yeah, it smells good. Makes my hair soft.” Aventurine combed his fingers through his hair. Ratio viciously avoided looking down at his waist, as his shirt was beginning to ride up on him and exposed a tiny sliver of skin. Aventurine, feeling the weight of the stare, shifted. “Sorry. Was that not.. I can buy my own.”

“No,” Rato dismissed him with a wave and stood. “That’ll be fine.”

Except it was uncomfortably domestic. He was getting much too close, both in a physical and a mental sense. Aventurine knew the name of his rubber ducky, knew the brand of shampoo he used, knew the Memokeeper who’d been following him around like a stray dog. Small things to anyone else. But they were too much for Ratio. 

Aventurine remained silent, biting his bottom lip gently in thought, and Ratio was forced to turn back to his book and cross his legs. “Some early morning literature?”

“I typically read two books daily,” Ratio explained, opening the book back up. He had forgotten why he was reading it. When the words hit his eyes, he looked up to his computer, for closing the book again might’ve been too suspicious. “Or I’ll write.”

“You’ve written books before?”

Ratio scoffed. “In my sleep. I wrote my first book when I was 14.” He stood, tossing the book he had been reading into the drawer beside his desk before striding over to a bookshelf. His fingers graced the titles - he appreciated the vintage in this sense, especially in a world where books had become prominently digital. Art, in this way, would never cease to exist for the sake of technical modernization. He tapped on one book’s spine and gestured to his left. “Everything here is my work. Everything to the right are biographies and memoirs.”

“Oh. So this is the Veritas Ratio shelf.” 

“Precisely.” 

Aventurine stood on the tips of his toes to reach the shelf and grab a book. “Can I read this one?” In his hand, he held The Realities and Scrutinization of Trans-Galactic Ownership: Properties and Planets. 

Ratio folded his arms. The book was, inherently, very anti-IPC. “I suppose.”

When Ratio’s new bookshelf had been delivered, he gently tapped on the door to the guest room before opening it. It was his home. He wouldn’t wait for permission. Aventurine was sitting on his bed, typing into his computer, and glanced up at him. It felt unnecessary to explain himself, so Ratio began to lift the box that contained his bookshelf and moved it inside of the room. 

Aventurine cocked a brow. “What’s that? Are you sending me away?”

Ratio pressed his fingertip to the top of the box and entered a code. Miraculously, the box shifted into a shelf akin to the many he had placed in his office. He stepped to the opposite side of the guest bed and collected a box filled with books, making sure to lift with his legs as he hoisted it atop Aventurine’s bed. Wordlessly, he began to grab various books and lay them out across the space. 

Aventurine shifted. If he were to stand now, books relying on the divot from his weight likely would’ve switched positions and his alphabetization would fail. They both seemed aware of this, yet Aventurine asked: “can I help?”

“You’re helping by staying put.”

“I know the alphabet,” Aventurine said with a frown and shuffled out of the bed, so calculatedly, reminding Ratio of his childhood cat Calix. “I can help. It is my room, after all.”

Ratio’s hands settled on his hips as he looked down at the books. He breathed in, grabbing a book from Aventurine as it was offered to him. Aventurine’s words caught up to him. His room? 

He nearly scoffed. But he figured Aventurine could have it. “I will be alphabetizing. You can put the books on the shelves. Make sure they are pulled out, flush, so that the spines are uniform.”

Aventurine began working like a machine. The two did this in silence for a while, the only sounds being Ratio’s thoughtful breathing and books hitting wood. 

Aventurine opened a book and tilted his head. “I don’t get the appeal of these things.”

Ratio was used to this, but it felt odd to hear it from Aventurine. He usually understood, even if it was unspoken. “With electronic books, you lose the humanity. You lose the touch and the feeling of collective knowledge. Physical books like these always have marks left in them.” He gently took the book from Aventurine’s hands and flipped to a specific page. “Page 87 in Synesthesia Beacon Creation , where Elias Salas explains the realities behind chip implementation and the difficulties regarding the translation of the Xianzhou language, thus limiting certain members of The Genius Society from properly being able to access the knowledge - a coffee stain.” Ratio pointed to the single drop near the center of the right page. “This page was worth sipping a drink over - did this previous reader mean to do so thoughtfully, or was their interest finally lost?”

Ratio turned to Aventurine and waited. The gambler thought. And then he nodded ever so slightly. “I get it. It’s proof of existence.”

“Precisely!” Ratio snapped with glee as he would’ve done to a student (except, he seldom did this, as most of his students were idiotic.) “Five points.”

“Should I be keeping track of my points?” Aventurine asked with a sheepish, childlike smile. Ratio was beginning to recognize this Aventurine - it was the one who had woken up in his office after being saved. 

Ratio just nodded. He would treat this Aventurine delicately, and not break him this time like he had done before.

With Aventurine’s help, the books flew on the shelves. When it finally seemed complete - when no boxes were strewn randomly across the guest room - Aventurine plopped back onto the bed and stretched his hands out towards the opposite wall. That sliver of skin showed again, and Ratio could see it out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t seem to care. He was triple checking the organization. 

“Doc,” Aventurine muttered halfway into his stretch, “I’m pretty sure it’s good.”

Ratio remained quiet. After a little too long, his brows furrowed. “Did you say something?”

Aventurine slid off the bed and onto the floor. Why did he have to be so consistent in begging for attention the one time Ratio was actually occupied. “Can we go somewhere?”

Ratio ignored him. Aventurine would have to learn, if he truly chose to live with him, to accept silence.

Chapter Text

Come nightfall, Ratio had been freed from his.. Bookshelf organizing trance. When he turned back towards the bed, Aventurine was missing. 

He considered removing the sheets to wash them, but only for a brief moment, before realizing that it had only been a matter of days since the bed had originally been made. He blinked. He wondered, with Aventurine’s so-called “business,” how often he was used to getting clean, freshly washed sheets in his own home. Maybe he just slept in the same bed without washing it clean of the sex. Perhaps it was just a permanent state. Perhaps he liked it.

Ratio shoved himself out of the room before it was too late. The balcony door had been left slightly open, and just beyond it, he could see Aventurine with his legs propped up on the potted plant he kept outside. 

As Ratio stood behind him, he wondered what it was about Aventurine that made his own boundaries so effortlessly flexible. Had anyone else put their disgusting feet on any of his belongings, he would’ve promptly picked them up and tossed them over the balcony to barrel down the cliff and into the street. 

Aventurine was in his seat, but he supposed he could manage. He sat in the one opposite of him. It was new and temporary. It would be gone the moment Aventurine left the planet. “Tonight would be a good night for exploring Meiji,” Ratio suggested. 

The gambler’s folded hands rested on his navel. He breathed in thoughtfully and tilted his head. “Yeah, we can do that.”

“Something on your mind, Gambler?”

Aventurine tossed him a smile. Ratio memorized it in the few seconds of its existence, and then it faded. The other man took another breath in, his fingertips tapping against the skin of his hands. “About that night, when I was drunk..”

“We needn’t discuss it.” 

“Needn’t, what a weird word.” Aventurine’s grin found its way back to his face. “You know what, Doc?”

Ratio sat embarrassingly straight on his chair and leaned forward. Perhaps that scared Aventurine - because when he looked over to the doctor, his words jumped off his tongue without making a sound. 

Aventurine blinked. The two stared at each other. 

It would only take a little effort, Ratio thought. He could kiss him now. But he would’ve had to move a little under a bathtub length to get to him.. So he simply cleared his throat, and both of their gazes scattered. “We should leave now, unless you’d rather be sitting in traffic.”

There was never traffic on Edo Star.

12. Ratio counted 12 mindless children that Aventurine nearly trampled on the sidewalks. 

Perhaps he couldn’t see through his sunglasses. Each and every time, he’d say: “stay close to me, and stop looking at the sky when you walk.” He didn’t feel bad for these children. He was worried that Aventurine would topple over them and ruin his pretty face on the concrete. Although he supposed that he didn’t hate his ignorance, as Aventurine was so wrapped up in the beauty of the city lights that having a guiding hand on his back would’ve been seen as cautionary and nothing more. 

“Look at that one! It’s a poker chip!” Aventurine beamed as he threw up a hand to point. Mortified, Ratio grabbed his hand and pulled it back down. 

“Don’t point at things.”

“Oh - is that, like -”

“Culture, yes.” He forced his eye not to twinge at the use of fabled filler word “like.” How pointless, how unnecessary and useless.  

“Oh. Well I’m going over there.” Aventurine said forwardly, and then, surely just to mortify Ratio, he slipped away into the crowd, running.  

Ratio was not going to follow him. He was not going to make a fool of himself. It was especially easy to see Aventurine amidst the crowd. Not only was the general population of Edo Star quite short, he was also one of the only few with blonde hair. For a while, he simply walked in the direction of the glowing poker chip in the sky. 

Except the worries got to him. Aventurine was nothing short of a grown adult man, and Edo Star was safe. But it felt wrong, the gambler not having guidance. Maybe he’d get lost. He wouldn’t be able to find the casino, and he’d stumble into the wrong area. Every citizen of Edo Star stared up at him, and amidst the crowd, sticking out like a sore thumb, he could see the warm, freckled skin of the Cremator. 

Terrified, Ratio scrambled through the crowd to catch up to Aventurine. The gambler had stopped suddenly, and before Ratio could realize this, he slammed into him. 

Ratio scrambled back up and whipped his head around. Edo Star was no longer interested in him.

Aventurine turned to him, pressing a hand to his shoulder which made Ratio jump. Aventurine forced a smile and tilted his head. “Uhm - everything okay, there?”

“Yes,” Ratio spat quickly, turning around and clearing his throat. He could speak to the Memokeeper about this later. Nothing to worry about now. Surely. Everything would be okay. Surely.

“Are you sure?”

“Only idiots speak with uncertainty.” 

Aventurine rolled his eyes and turned back to the bouncer to retrieve his ID. The bouncer - a small, albeit strong black haired man with pointed ears indicating that he was a native of Edo Star, blocked Aventurine as he tried to enter the casino. Aventurine looked down at him through his glasses. “Is there a problem?”

“Take off your glasses, sir.” 

Aventurine hesitated. “I don’t see why that’s necessary.”

“It’s club policy.”

Ratio scoffed and moved closer to the bouncer. He had to look down at the man to speak with him — he always found it somewhat odd that the residents of Meiji were so comfortable hiring such.. tiny humanoids. “Club policy since when?” Ratio glared down at the tiny man who remained unwavered. “I believe we’ll be heading inside now.”

“Sir, I’m afraid I can’t let you-“

“Why — what is the damn policy? Give me the exact page.”

“I don’t have the exact page, sir.”

Ratio turned around and threw his arms into the air. Typical galactic prejudice. Had this idiot not heard about the mass extinction event? Surely he could let Aventurine go considering he was quite literally the last of his kind. Perhaps some empathy lessons were in order. “Zero points.”

“Excuse me?”

That was enough to make Aventurine smile, at least. “He says that when he’s angry—“

“I absolutely do not!”

“—here,” he took his glasses off just as the man had asked and leaned down to his height, much to Ratio’s displeasure. “Let’s not hold up the line with this. You can let me in.”

The bouncer thought for a few moments. “You’re not going to cheat?”

Aventurine smirked down at him. “I don’t need to cheat.”

Ratio grumbled to himself the entire time the two were inside of the casino. He sat, distant from Aventurine (for the sake of not losing his all credits to poker, which he was terrible at) but still close enough to watch over him (for obvious reasons.) The cheering meant nothing. How could Aventurine be so ignorant to the stares he was getting? And how could Ratio, an observant and well known scholar, be so blind to the blatant and outright improper treatment of races foreign to Edo Star? 

Ratio tapped his cheek as he thought. He watched as Aventurine collected his chips, stood, and happily sauntered over to him. “They’re so mad,” he said, face wide and decorated with the smile of a winner.

“I’m sure they are.”

“They think I cheated.”

“Of course they do.” Ratio grumbled. He looked over to the table Aventurine had just sat at. Aventurine tilted his head down, trying to make eye contact.

After a few moments, the gambler giggled. “Doc, everyone thinks I cheat. You don’t have to look at them like that.”

“Like what?” Ratio asked, not realizing his teeth were clenched.

“Like you’re going to kill them. Just zero point them and move on. Here. I’ll even do it,” Aventurine pressed his hands to his hips and said, with a grand and mighty tone, “zeroh points!”

Ratio was astounded and stood just as the chips in Aventurine’s arms began to spill, and he ducked back down to pick them up and hold the overflow in his hands. “I do not sound like that, for the record.”

“You do!” Aventurine’s eyes lit up as he giggled. Ratio had foolishly let his guard down, and he stared for a few moments.

How idiotic he felt. Before he had met Aventurine, simple things like this did not fascinate him. He could have a typical conversation with a coworker - or friend, he supposed that was what they were now - without getting lost. Lost in the idea of a person and nothing else. 

Aventurine smiled at him, warm and gentle, like he knew. Like he knew how he felt to want someone as badly as Ratio did. But, as usual, Ratio knew better than to pursue.. A relationship? A person? A high-ranking IPC official? An Avgin? A gambler?

No.

He just knew better not to pursue Aventurine.

Moments like these were the reason he loved that alabaster sculpture of his head. It was comfortably isolating from these sorts of things. Ratio cleared his throat and adjusted the collar of his shirt. “Why don’t we cash in your winnings?”

Aventurine faltered, his smile growing weak at the corners. But it came back, more charming than before, as he started off to locate the cashier desk with a proud stride. 

He dumped the chips inside of the exchange bucket, dropping a couple on the floor. Ratio, to his own aversion, leaned down to pick them up and handed Aventurine all of the chips he was holding. He kept silent as he watched the machine swallow them up, the number overhead growing greater and greater by the second. The caged Intelleron woman typed into her computer, which then released a set amount of credits onto the outside terminal. Aventurine tapped his phone to the terminal and tipped his hat to the woman. 

When he turned, he nodded towards the lounge. “I hate that new terminal thing. So many planets just don’t let you tip anymore.”

Ratio hummed. He was notably preoccupied. But he’d listen. “How come?”

“How come - what? I can’t tip or the terminal thing?”

Ratio didn’t respond. What an over-stimulating environment a casino was. All of the chips and the talking and the jackpots, people winning, the smell, the carpet, the lights, it was all disgusting. He shut his eyes tight. Why hadn’t humans evolved to be able to shut their ears as well?

His throat tightened. Could he breathe? Maybe, maybe this didn’t count. Maybe this wasn’t enough breath. His hands felt shaky. He heard a voice, distantly, asking him something important. He was going to ruin the night, and so he just nodded, opened his eyes again to the painfully bright lights and the loud music and all of the colors. 

God, he wanted to go home. 

At a booth in the lounge, he felt the heat of a body beside him. He moved away from it, only to shove himself into another person. Now his throat was dry. How many people had sat on this exact spot? If he were to press his hands to the leather, what was he really touching? Had anyone had sex here? Was it even remotely safe?

A hand on his shoulder pulled him back to the original warmth, to the chest of a living being. Ratio shut his eyes. One ear was covered by the person’s hand, the other covered by the fabric of his shirt. 

He’d be okay. Yeah. He’d be fine.

He breathed. Along with the heartbeat of the citrus-smelling person beneath him, his breath was the only thing he could hear. So many less senses - breathing. Citrus. Warmth. All there was to focus on. 

He’d be okay. 

“Aventurine?” He asked, the sound somehow both muffled and loud to his covered ears. The gambler removed his hand for a moment, bringing Ratio back to the blaring, violent noise. He grabbed Aventurine’s wrist and moved his hand back over his ear. He swallowed. “I want to leave.”

Aventurine hummed - he could hear it as a low, comforting vibration against his chest. He asked something else that Ratio couldn’t hear - but the sound of his voice alongside the warmth of his chest reminded Ratio of a type of comfort he had most recently felt as a child. It was enough for tears to prick his eyes. He debated staying there, until the casino closed deep into the night (or late into the morning) just to bask in this relaxation. This feeling. 

After one final breath, he shifted up. For a moment, he questioned whether or not they had lowered the sound of the music for him, but he wasn’t partial to finding out, and so he started off towards the door. The moment he did, the moment he was out of Aventurine’s immediate grasp, he stopped and turned. 

Aventurine had stood, seeming to frown when Ratio turned back to him. He gently pressed a hand to the doctor’s back, pressing his fingertips into the skin. It was firm, and it nearly hurt, but it was so incredibly grounding. 

The outside air was cold against his skin. Fresh, and when he breathed it in, he felt a calming, awakening rush of energy. Aventurine’s hand remained on his back until they left the casino, leaving Ratio with a sense of longing when he removed it. 

He stood in silence for a while. 

Aventurine drew in a thoughtful breath. “Are you okay?”

Ratio breathed in through his mouth to let in the coldness and let it cleanse his throat. “I was fine that whole time.”

Aventurine remained silent. 

Ratio stretched his arms out and started away from the devilish building. “Do you remember that sushi chef I mentioned to you?”

The gambler took a few moments to fall into step behind him. He took a few moments to speak. “Yeah.”

“Let’s go there, it’s not a long walk.”

Aventurine grabbed his waist, loosely, and let go, seeming to realize it was an overstep. “Are you.. Like, being prideful, or do you genuinely..”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Ratio began to walk faster. He shook his hands a little to free them, flicking his fingers out into the open air. “Those places are just - disgustingly overwhelming for a consistent analyzer such as myself. My home planet is filled with much less stimuli that is meant to be deeply read into in order to discern its meaning - places like that are essentially the opposite of what I was raised to handle. I prefer the mundane, hence the self-appointed title of ‘Mudanite.’ You understand.” Ratio cringed at himself upon realizing the blatant contradiction - I don’t want to talk about it suggests a change in the subject of conversation. He had failed. Zero points. 

Aventurine had to fall into an awkward jog to keep up with him. “Yeah, I get that. Are we running from someone?” 

“Sorry.” Ratio forced himself to walk slower. Thankfully, the crowds of Edo Star were considerably more dispersed now that most of the natives had found their place for the night. “I think you’ll like this restaurant.”

“Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that before,” Aventurine said this as if it were an obvious tease, but Ratio still felt a flare of distress. 

“I apologize if necessary, and it often is not. Has there ever been a situation in which I’ve needed to apologize to you and I haven’t? If so, I am sorry.”

Aventurine thought for a moment and removed his glasses, tucking them into his coat pocket. “You didn’t apologize for betraying me in Penacony.”

Ratio smiled to himself and dismissed Aventurine with a hand. 

“It was terrible, Doc. Your poor little friend.” Aventurine threw a hand up to his forehead dramatically and nearly smacked his hat onto the ground. “You stole my Cornerstones! Ugh.” 

“Alright, Gambler, save the tears for another performance.”

Aventurine stifled a laugh and covered his face with the back of his hand. Ratio drew an unnecessary amount of attention to this in his mind - why had he done that, had someone taught him to cover his lovely smile? “We really should get into acting.”

“Right, when the IPC collapses and the Intelligentsia Guild loses its funding, we’ll act.” Ratio stopped in front of a quaint, small shop with opened doors and dim lighting from inside. It was quite the contrast from the otherwise grand lights and shops of Meiji. Ratio gestured towards the doors. “After you.”

“Ooo, what a gentleman!” Aventurine beamed and stepped inside. Upon approaching the counter, Ratio subtly drew forward a chair for Aventurine before sitting down himself. If Aventurine pointed out his subtle act of chivalry, he would never do something like that again.

But thankfully, Aventurine understood like he always did and flashed him a smile. He removed his hat, putting it at the corner of his space. The sushi chef, a young-looking girl with bright green eyes and black hair cut to her jawline drew forward to greet them. As she looked up from the space below her, she began to sport a big, giddy smile. “Dr. Ratio!”

“Natsuki,” Ratio dipped his head to greet his former student with a barely noticeable smile. “It’s nice to see you.”

“And you’ve brought such an attractive.. friend!” She reached her hand over the bar to shake Aventurine’s. Ratio tried not to focus on the way she hesitated. Just friends. Obviously just friends.

“Aventurine - you flatter me,” said the man beside him, skilled with his response as he surely had to be hearing such a thing every day. “I’ve actually never eaten sushi before.”

Ratio had the privilege of sitting back in his mind as the two entertained each other. He looked over the menu, pursing his lips as he drew it closer to his eyes. Natsuki couldn’t have made this menu - there was a spelling error.

“Doc, do you have any suggestions?”

Ratio’s eyes lingered on the mistake for a few moments before he looked up between the two of them. “I suppose if you have the time, Natsuki, you could just give us the omakase.” 

“Of course, Professor!” Said Natsuki, seeming slightly overly excited to cater to her former teacher. To Ratio’s distaste, the place seemed generally quiet - not bustling with activity like Natsuki deserved, even if it meant the environment was more comfortable for him. 

“That’s cute,” Aventurine said as Natsuki rushed into the back kitchen to collect more tools. “She’s adorable.”

“She’s about ten years younger than you,” Ratio spat out, frowning.

Aventurine breathed in, before quickly correcting, “I don’t mean like that. She’s definitely not my type. I just mean it’s endearing that she’s so fond of you.”

“Oh.” Ratio stared at him for a few moments and then looked away to receive the glasses of water Natsuki passed them over the bar. “Right, sorry.” 

He had to say that more now, since it was pointed out to him. But only to those who deserved it, obviously. 

“You know, I hate to say it,” Aventurine took a sip of his water. “The lights of Meiji kind of remind me of the Dreamscape.”

Upon realizing that his entire body was facing Aventurine, Ratio turned to face the table. “I felt that way too when I returned for the first time. This place doesn’t have the same sinister undertone.” He paused. “You don’t sense a sinister undertone, do you?”

“Oh, no, of course not. I just mean visually.” 

“Right.”

Aventurine remained quiet. “Hey, what I said about Sunday-”

“I said we don’t have to talk about it.” Especially since Ratio had jerked off to the thought. Or tried to, before that goddamned Memokeeper- 

“I do feel like that would’ve made things significantly easier.” 

Ratio blinked at his student beyond the glass. For a moment, he felt guilty discussing such a matter in front of her. But then he remembered the way he had to practically shout to catch her attention when she was focused when training her, so he figured it wouldn’t hurt to entertain Aventurine. He turned, to at the very least, not send the sound too close to his student’s pointed ears. “That is probably true, yes.”

“So you agree?”

“I just said yes.” Ratio deadpanned. “All men are relatively the same in that sense. Although I don’t think Sunday would’ve been.”

Aventurine frowned. Clearly the notion of not being able to get into Sunday’s pants bothered him somehow. “How come? Do you think I’m not his type?”

“It’s not that.” Ratio tilted his head as he calculated his words. “Sunday is a follower of The Order, and he interprets it in accordance with a millenia old religion. He would be very likely to reject you on two moral bases: his interpretation of The Order rejects both premarital sex and homosexual fraternizing.” 

Aventurine stared at the table as he thought. “So he’s like a.. Is it Roman-Catholic?”

“Yes, I-” Ratio paused, mouth opened in surprise. “You know what that is?”

“I do!” Aventurine was notably proud of himself. “Topaz and I have had a few conversations about it. It was very appalling to us that those old ass cultures rejected that sort of thing, because not even a whisper of.. How did you put it? Anti.. homosexual fraternizing? Yeah, that just doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Ah, so you bonded over ancient religion.”

“Something like that, yeah,” the gambler grinned. Natsuki put the first plate of sushi over the bar - a wooden slab for the two of them to share. She definitely thought they were a couple. 

Ratio didn’t mind this somehow. He brought the plate down and snapped his chopsticks in half. Aventurine did the same with apprehension. Upon picking up on this, Ratio clicked the roof of his mouth with his tongue. “You can use your fingers if you’re not comfortable with your chopstick technique.”

“You know what, why don’t you just feed me?”

Ratio scoffed. “Absolutely not.”

“Come on, you can do, like, an airplane. Ahhhh~”

“Aventurine, close your mouth.”

Aventurine shut his mouth and pouted. “Your life would be so much less boring if you had a little fun sometimes.”

“I am fun.” Ratio put a piece of sushi into his mouth and looked to Aventurine for him to do the same. The gambler just sat there, awkwardly, before removing his gloves and reaching his hand over before Ratio grabbed it. “Don’t you dare touch our food without sanitizing your disgusting gambler hands.”

“That was not nice,” Aventurine muttered. Natsuki offered him a warm alcohol towel over the bar and stood back as she watched her mentor taste her cooking. After Aventurine finished wiping his hands, he reached down to pluck a piece of sushi from the table and took a single bite out of it. Ratio would’ve felt bad for doubling down on his companion's etiquette twice in 5 minutes, so he remained silent. 

After the second piece of sushi, he looked up to Natsuki with a gentle nod. “Very good. You’ve got an excellent balance of vinegar and rice – it’s very nicely arranged as well. I like this apple decoration you’ve made.”

“How many points do I get?” Ratio could see her height grow just a bit, meaning she stood forward on her toes. He stifled a smile. 

“Ten points.”

Natsuki clasped her hands together with joy. “I can’t wait to tell my mom!” She beamed for a few moments before turning to Aventurine, “and you, sir? Is it good enough to make you want to eat it again? Sushi can be somewhat of an acquired taste-”

Aventurine’s mouth was full and he rushed to chew, covering it with his hand. In his rush, he began to choke on his food. 

Ratio pursed his lips and turned to Natsuki. “That means it’s good.” 

Aventurine continued to choke in the background. 

Chapter Text

“It was awfully kind of you to tip her your winnings, Gambler.” 

Aventurine grinned up at him with his hands behind his back. Ratio had told him not to walk like that - what if he were to trip on a pebble? How would he catch himself? “I think she deserved it.”

“She did. She does.” Ratio wore a prideful grin practically the entire time they were in Natsuki’s presence. “She was always an excellent student. One of the few I’d actually consider visiting past graduation.”

“So,” Aventurine rose a hand and pressed his pointer finger to his bottom lip. “Does that mean you can cook like that, too?”

Had anyone else asked such a question, Ratio would’ve scorned them for asking something that's already been answered. A waste of words. But he liked the sound of Aventurine’s voice almost as much as Aventurine did. “Precisely.”

“I like when you say precisely.” Aventurine placed his hands behind his back once more. The two walked in silence for a few moments before Aventurine spoke. “That whole Sunday thing really makes a lot of sense now.”

“Meaning?”

“Well, he got really uncomfortable when I called him handsome. I would’ve never guessed that that was why.”

Ratio hummed thoughtfully. “If it’s any consolation, I still do not think he is solely attracted to women.” 

“Me too!” Aventurine seemed happier about this, unfortunately. “Plus, I’m pretty sure Robin has those little.. Those little dots below her eyes mean something. Do you think she knows that?”

“I’m not sure.” 

Ratio knew his next words had the potential to be taken incorrectly - or at least, that would be what he would defend himself with. Ultimately, he was scared that Aventurine would see right through him. “What is it about Sunday that makes you so attracted to him?”

Aventurine giggled and tried to make eye contact with Ratio, which was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. “Why, Doc? You jealous?”

Ratio remained surprisingly calm. “I’m just curious. He seems rather unlikable.”

“He is so hot.”

“Is he really?” 

“It’s so hard to explain, and if I do it right, you’ll understand, but you’re also gonna think I’m a slut. So I can’t tell you.”

Ratio’s brows knit as he examined the concrete sidewalk. “As much as I am intrigued,” he scrambled, “f-for research purposes, I’m writing a book on - um.”

“Oh whatever, Doc. Just get to the point.”

Ratio flashed him a glance. “That’s the second time you’ve called yourself a sexually degrading name.”

Aventurine did not respond to this. 

Ratio didn’t mind silence, obviously. But this was notably uncomfortable. He looked over at the gambler again. It was his turn, now, to examine the sidewalk.

They could’ve walked in silence the entire way home. But Ratio was notably against this idea. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

“Don’t say things like that,” said the little Avgin boy behind Aventurine’s mask. Ratio could hear the blood flowing in his ears. He simply nodded - it mattered not to him if Aventurine could see it or not. “I don’t like being analyzed.”

This meant something. Ratio knew that, he wasn’t stupid. He recalled his recent dreams with the Cremator. And then promptly shook them away the moment they got too serious.

No. Nobody could do such a thing. Especially not to Aventurine. 

Even if the silence only lasted for a few moments, it felt sickening. Every moment felt like draining blood, as if he was losing his chance to say something. The Dr. Ratio in his mind ran around in search of something to say. Anything.

Ratio cleared his throat. 

Aventurine smiled to himself. Ten points. “You don’t have to say anything, I’m not mad at you. I just.. you know.” He shrugged and looked up at Ratio, seeming equally vulnerable and distant, but Ratio knew better not to push lest he break him. 

As Aventurine entered their home, he hung his jacket up on the hook and set his hat atop of it. He stilled, if only for a few moments, and then turned to Ratio, who was still standing in the entrance.

Ratio’s home always felt vacant when he returned from a trip - or from work, or from getting the mail. Now that Aventurine lived here, even if it was temporary, it felt so much warmer. Like the beige was a bit of a brighter, livelier color, and the navies were less moody and more calm. Ratio followed after him and hung up his jacket. 

He didn’t look at the two jackets hung on the wall. He needed to spare himself. “Aventurine?”

Aventurine was in his alert mode. He entered this often during conversations - he’d look up, with sweet, listening eyes and bite at the skin inside of his mouth. It was absolutely precious in every way, shape and form.

But Ratio was about to miss his cue. “I’ve been meaning to ask why you wanted to stay here.” 

Originally he didn’t plan to, as the only thing that mattered was Aventurine’s presence. Sharing the space. Feeling less alone. And at first, he figured it to be as simple as business. But surely it was more than that. 

And he really didn’t want the day to come where their business on Edo Star would be finished, and the two would part. Black Swan would finally leave him alone and his IPC dealings would be finished. But this would mean he’d be alone again. Solitude was something he used to enjoy.. But now he was afraid of it?

Odd. 

Aventurine took a while to respond. He rose his arms up to cross them over his chest and breathed. “I’m fed up with hotels.” 

“Is that all?”

Aventurine wavered. His arms loosened and he looked somewhere distant. 

He was deciding between protection and truth, Ratio observed. As much as Ratio yearned to know the truth, he knew how important it was for Aventurine to make the decision for himself. And so, when the gambler cleared his throat, adjusted his mask, and nodded, Ratio knew not to pressure him. 

Aventurine stifled a smile after a few moments, and when Ratio walked over to him to enter his office, Aventurine gently patted his arm. “How come? You ready for me to leave?”

Ratio turned to him with a hand placed on the doorframe. Now, he was the one choosing between protection and truth. Thankfully, there was a third option: marriage of the two. “I’ll miss your company when we have to move to another planet.”

He left the part out about how he was considering a deal with Dr. Elune. In exchange for his intellectual support behind the scenes, she would delay signing over the rights to QES technology. They could stay on Edo Star longer. 

He left out the part where he had started to buy lemon scented candles for Aventurine’s bedroom, which he otherwise hated. He left out the part where he made sure his bookshelf would arrive when Aventurine was home so the two could spend time together, even if it was something as mundane as the organization of literature. He left out the part where he ensured there were always apples in his kitchen now, as that seemed to be the only thing Aventurine ate for breakfast. He left out the part where he nearly crashed into an old Edo Star native in his rush to collect Aventurine from the bar. He left out the dreams, the thoughts, and everything else that mattered. 

Maybe that was a bad choice. But it felt like the right one - the two are often opposites. 

Aventurine let his arms fall to his sides as he walked up to the doorframe Ratio was standing in. Ratio’s heart pounded in his chest. “I was thinking..”

“That’s rare.”

“Doc, shut up.” Aventurine rolled his eyes, but he smiled. Ten points. “If everything goes well with the QES negotiations, we’ll be heading back to Pier Point to document our findings and - all of that.”

Ratio hated the idea of visiting the IPC headquarters, but not so much now that Aventurine brought it up. “Go on.”

“I was thinking.. I could use a private chef.” Aventurine grinned up at him. “If you’re so inclined. I’ve got a pool.”

“A pool?’ Ratio tried not to grin like an idiot. He was failing miserably. Not only was the idea of living with Aventurine in his big, grand, IPC home enticing, but the fact that Aventurine sought out the privilege of sharing his home? With him?

Ratio calmed himself. It was just business. Maybe. Or this was genuine friendship - that seemed more lovely. “Are you using me for my culinary expertise?”

Aventurine gave a soft, half suppressed laugh. “Maybe.”

He was getting too close again. 

Ratio often felt out of control in these situations. He cleared his throat and stepped away into the living room to pick up a cup Aventurine had left out. “I’ll likely take you up on that offer-”

“Why do you do that?” 

He looked up to the gambler, who was frowning in the doorframe. His blood ran cold. “Do what?”

Aventurine stared at him. And then he looked away, and smiled at himself with pursed lips. That was not a smile worthy of points - it was rather sad and self-pitying. “We can talk about Pier Point more tomorrow. I’m tired, so.”

“Right..” Ratio’s eyes flickered between Aventurine and the cup in his hands. Had he done something wrong? Most likely. “Well.. goodnight, then.”

“Night.” 

Ratio tried to ignore how guilty he felt when the door to Aventurine’s room was closed.

In his lonesome, he waited for the Memokeeper to appear. 

Perhaps she wasn’t fond of the decorations in his living room, so he moved into his bedroom. Quickly, he changed into his nightwear, and once he was finished, the room was still empty.

“Memokeeper?” He called out, familiar with the talent Memokeepers had of keeping themselves hidden. But there was nothing.

He considered texting her. But then he decided that she was simply busy, having found a different man to torment.

After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he crawled into bed. He had moved his rubber ducky to his night stand - Mr. Bubbles looked particularly lonesome in the bathtub tonight. 

He promised him that he would take a bath in the morning. 

Chapter Text

Falling asleep that night proved to be a challenge.

Ratio tossed and turned as he had done many nights before - it seemed to become a trend ever since Aventurine had begun to share his home. It was always one thing or another - was he safe? Was Aventurine upset with him? What was the meaning behind the way he looked at him an hour ago? What was he thinking that he just never said?

He threw himself to the side and focused on the door. And then he jumped out of bed with energy he wished he had in the morning, before sauntering into his office. He kept the door open, just in case Aventurine was having a similar problem.

The two could stay up, talking galactic politics. The IPC. The Memokeeper. Her obvious relationship with an Emanator of Nihility. 

Ratio sat in his chair and rested his temple on his fingertips. He stared at the door. Who was he kidding? He could’ve talked about nitrogen gas with Aventurine and it still would’ve been interesting. 

“That’s probably because you like him,” the Memokeeper said, pressing her hands to the top of Ratio’s chair. 

As much as he wanted to be upset about her presence, he smiled, even if it was small. “You were absent earlier.”

“Oh, Veritas, you missed little old me.” Black Swan beamed and strode in front of him, crossing her arms gracefully. She gazed down at his chair. “It’s polite to offer your seat to a lady, you know. Didn’t your mother tell you that?”

Ratio considered this. “She did.”

“So.. what’s the holdup, Doctor?”

“I’ve already sat here.” Ratio turned to his computer momentarily before standing and rolling his chair to her. She simply fazed out of the air and into the chair without a thank you. So much for etiquette. 

“I assume your date went well, then?”

“It was not a date,” Ratio approached his bookshelf. The Realities and Scrutinization of Trans-Galactic Ownership: Properties and Planets was still missing. Had Aventurine ever gotten around to reading it? Probably not - while it might serve as an intellectual advancement, especially considering his line of work, not a single being would’ve been able to make such a subject interesting to the average person.

It felt wrong to think of Aventurine as an average person. Black Swan drew her hand up to stifle her laugh. “You spend your every waking thought thinking about that Stoneheart, dear.”

Ratio turned and crossed his arms. “Can you read my thoughts?”

Black Swan’s amber eyes seemed a bit more sinister than usual, as she said, “perhaps. Perhaps you’re just too easy to read.”

Ratio had trained himself to be the exact opposite of that: he was taught to be secluded, quiet and reserved, and for good reason. But he understood her words to be a guise: she definitely knew what he was thinking. “Why don’t we talk about you instead, Memokeeper?”

Black Swan cradled her cheek with her hand and crossed her legs. “What about?”

“Acheron.”

Black Swan burst into a laugh. Ratio nearly threw a piece of chalk into her mouth - people were sleeping here. No need to be so inconsiderate. Black Swan threw her hands into the air. “Oh, you’ve caught me, Doctor!”

“Is that not inherently wrong?”

“Oh, please. Enlighten me.”

“Nihility and Remembrance are opposite, are they not? The Nihility believes that everything is meaningless, whereas The Remembrance believes that every memory has meaning and value.”

Black Swan pressed a painted fingertip to her bottom lip. “Do you think Qlipoth and Nous would get along?”

“I don’t see why they wouldn’t,” Ratio raised a brow. “But I’m not talking about Aeons, I’m saying that the paths you’ve both chosen to follow are conflicting against one another.”

The Memokeeper thought about this for a moment, and then she disappeared. 

Ratio paused. While she had disappeared unkindly before, she had never outright ran away from a conversation. As he turned back to his bookshelf to find something to read, she phased back next to him. Ratio was rather unimpressed.

“I was going to leave, and then I remembered something.”

“Good for you.”

Black Swan folded her arms. “We are all still alive aside from our paths, Doctor. You understand this concept, do you not?”

“Of course I do.”

Black Swan watched him card through his books. And then her aggression seemed to disperse. “Oh, I understand now.”

Ratio scoffed. “Oh, really?”

“A better question for you to ask would be; how do I go about loving someone-”

“Memokeeper,”

“-when everything they stand for is inherently wrong to me?”

Ratio did not need this. He did not need to be lectured about love, especially from a memetic entity whose only purpose was to follow him around. 

The IPC was an inherently unjust corporation. While he had his distaste for the way they conducted business - between murdering locals for resources and sending newly established civilizations into debt - it wasn’t Aventurine’s line of work that bothered him. It was how he conducted it. 

Aventurine seemed to be under the impression that he was disposable and replaceable. It was as if he was constantly chasing a winning high - typical of a gambler. But it had long breached insanity. And yet, he hadn’t broken. Not yet, anyway.

Ratio cleared his throat. “I did not mean to offend.”

“Wow, Doctor. That almost sounds like an apology.”

He shot her a glare. “Don’t make me take it back.”

Black Swan turned away and sauntered around his office, examining his bookshelves and the stacks of papers he had brought home to grade. “You know what I just cannot wrap my head around?”

“Hm.” 

“I don’t know why you won’t just tell him.”

Ratio laughed pitifully against the bookshelf. This was not something he could explain - both because he didn’t think she deserved to know and because not in a million years could he manage to find the words. 

He and the Memokeeper talked about the unimportant things for the rest of her visit. He failed to mention how he had seen Oscura on the street, out in the open where he shouldn’t have been. Somehow, it felt unnecessary alongside everything else he had been dealing with. 

After she left, he compiled some of the books he had been meaning to reread for one reason or another. Intergalactic Prejudice. Why You Have Trouble Socializing. The Galaxy’s Most Unrealistic Concept: Luck.

Halfway into his first book, he watched as Aventurine stepped out onto the balcony.

He rose a brow. It was late. The sky would start to lighten in only a few hours. They both had meetings today — it was too early for Aventurine to be awake. 

Ratio shut his book. Maybe he was on page 132. Maybe it was 231. Whatever. Didn’t matter. He stood and stepped out into the cold night air. 

When he approached Aventurine to lean on the railing beside him, the gambler jumped. His hands rushed to his face to wipe away tears. Ratio’s heart sunk, and as Aventurine tried to walk away, Ratio grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled him back. Aventurine had no will to fight him. 

Ratio kept his hand on Aventurine’s shoulder as he turned the little Avgin boy to face him. Except he refused — his eyes looked anywhere else, his face reddened underneath the moonlight of Edo Star. 

Ratio could practically feel it — the stinging of Aventurine’s cheeks and the tightening of his throat. He tilted his head down. “Aventurine,”

Aventurine shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut like his own name stung. “I..” his voice cracked and he moved his hands up to rub his face again. “I just had a bad dream.”

Subconsciously, Ratio saw his own hand move down to cup Aventurine’s face and use his thumb to wipe away the little Avgin boy’s tears. Aventurine’s lip trembled, and Ratio returned to his controls to pull him in to a hug and press Aventurine against his chest.

He was stiff. Like he didn’t know what Ratio was doing, like he didn’t know what a hug was. Ratio moved his hand up to cradle the back of Aventurine’s head. He waited. 

And he waited.

And just as he was about to part from the hug, Aventurine broke, grasping his arms around Ratio and shoving his nose into his chest. His features were well sculpted, and it nearly hurt for Aventurine to be so furiously pressed against Ratio’s chest. But he didn’t care — how could he possibly care at a moment like this?

Aventurine still held himself back, despite way he shook against Ratio’s chest and jumped whenever Ratio moved his hand. Ratio tried not to think about it too hard. About why this was happening. About what had happened. About who hurt him.

Aventurine, suddenly, pressed his cheek to the doctor’s chest so he would be able to say, “sorry. I didn’t-“

“No,” Ratio frowned. “That won’t be necessary.”

Aventurine sniffled, and Ratio gave his body a gentle squeeze. “Mmkay..”

The hand Ratio had been using to keep Aventurine pressed against him moved up to his hair to gently comb through it. Aventurine hummed. Clearly he had found this soothing.

Ratio could feel the gambler’s cheeks grow hot again as Aventurine whispered, “my momma used to do that.”

Ratio had always considered himself void of impractical emotions, such as sadness. They typically got in the way of his research, of his pursuit to be enlightened by Nous. But here, he experienced heartbreak. He had never heard Aventurine speak of his family, and the way he felt his shirt began to grow damp from Aventurine’s tears only furthered the aching pain in his chest and fingertips. “I’m sorry-“

“Please keep doing it.” Aventurine spat out quickly, pressing further into him in a way that made Ratio think, even if only for a second, that he would topple over. But he stood his ground, ensured that he wouldn’t fall over, and his previously stilled hand continued. 

Aventurine’s hair was soft. It reminded Ratio of his own in a way – he assumed this was due to the fact that Aventurine had began to use his shampoo. And now that he was considering this, now that he was focused, he picked up on the scent. He had always noted it as being “floral,” but now that he was considering it - it was rose. Rose and peony. And Aventurine only smelt like this - no more lemon, Ratio noticed. Only roses and peonies. 

Ratio cleared his throat gently, continuing to move his hands through Aventurine's hair as he did so. Regrettably, it seemed that he had accidentally given Aventurine a cue to separate from the embrace. Originally, he pulled Aventurine back because he didn’t think the little Avgin boy was ready to be apart from another living, breathing being. But then he realized he wasn’t ready to let Aventurine go, either.

Aventurine sniffled. His arms around Ratio’s waist tightened, and his eyes fluttered shut. He cleared his throat, gently, a small, pitiful little noise echoing at the very top of his chest. It only made Ratio pull him closer.

Aventurine breathed in steadily. “Did.. did I wake you up?”

“No. And it would’ve been fine if you did.”

Aventurine pressed further into him. Ratio previously thought they couldn’t have gotten any closer. “Please don’t tell anyone about this, Doc.”

“I would never do that.” Ratio bit his tongue. He could’ve easily said, I would never do that to you. But that was eons more intimate than what he had actually said. Intimacy that he couldn’t force Aventurine to discern in a weakened state. “Would you like some chamomile tea? It is known to aid both sleep and relaxation.”

Aventurine shuddered and opened his eyes. “..can I ask you something–”

“Of course.”

“-but you have to promise not to judge me.” 

Ratio tried to pull away from him, so that he’d be able to look at him. Aventurine tightened his grip. It was somewhat suffocating, but Ratio took the hint and stared out into the city as he cleared his throat. “I promise.”

Aventurine fell silent. And then he pulled away, and Ratio let him. Aventurine rose a hand to wipe his face free of tears and breathed in steadily. “Nevermind.”

Ironically, Ratio cracked a smile and leaned down to look at him. “You can’t do that, sweetheart. You have to tell me.”

When the words came out, he nearly cringed. The one time he didn’t think before he spoke. The one fucking time and he went and said something stupid.

But Aventurine smiled. Ten points. He pursed his lips and looked up at him, trying to stifle his smile, and then looked back down. “Um..” he wrapped his hands together and fidgeted with them. “I just.. Don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Naturally,” Ratio nodded gently. His voice was softer than he had ever heard it before. Perhaps Aventurine unlocked a part of his brain he’d not previously been able to access. That was interesting. Perhaps he would study this later. 

Aventurine’s eyes flickered up at him and then back inside. “Can I sleep in your bed?” He asked, his voice small and frail.

“Of course,” Ratio said, without a moment’s hesitation. Truthfully, although he felt stupid for it (this was, obviously, a rarity for him) he was unsure whether or not Aventurine actually wanted to share the bed with him. He cleared his throat. “Did you - would you like me to sleep on the floor? I can do that.”

Aventurine’s frown morphed into a smile once again. Ratio was unsure if it was fair for him to be giving out points so frequently. “If you’re not comfortable sharing a bed with me, it’s okay.. I just– it’ll help me fall back asleep.”

“Right, of course. Yeah. We can do that.” Ratio nodded down at him - he could feel each inch of his face, how soft it looked, and he figured that since Aventurine didn’t want this moment shared it was okay. It could be between the two of them, and that would’ve been fine. “Um - do you, still want your tea?”

Aventurine stifled a laugh and gently shook his head. “Honestly, Doc?” The sadness seemed to stop eating away at him. He was going back to normal Aventurine. Perhaps the mask was not the worst thing in the world if it made him happy. If it made him not break. Ratio nodded, beckoning for him to keep going. Aventurine grinned again, pressing his lips together as he did. “I think you have a comforting enough effect.”

“That’s a nice way to say you don’t like tea.” Ratio started back inside, holding the balcony door open for Aventurine and closing it once the gambler had followed him in. Aventurine grabbed onto his arm, like he was a blind man, uncertain of where Ratio’s room was. 

Ratio had never shared a bed before. Not like this, at least. “Um, after you.”

Aventurine giggled and let go of his arm. “Don’t make it weird, Doc.”

“Sorry.”

Aventurine sat down on the side that Ratio typically slept on. It aligned with his sleep settings, had his exact temperature memorized, and jolted him awake in accordance to his schedule every morning.

But Aventurine could have it. He could have the house for all he cared. Ratio crept in next to him on the opposite side, sliding under the covers, and clicking the lamp off. 

Aventurine’s breath was oddly soothing. When he could outwardly hear breathing it typically downright irritated him. But somehow, Aventurine’s breath was both.. Attractive and endearing. He heard the gentle parting of Aventurine’s lips, and as he turned, he could lightly see him smiling up at the ceiling. “What?”

“You’re touching my foot.”

“Sorry.” Ratio flung his foot halfway across the planet. This only made Aventurine’s smile turn breathy, into a laugh, and he reached his hand up to cup his face when he realized how loud he was being so deep into the night. “Gambler, stop laughing at me.”

Aventurine’s hands flew down to the sheets with a pat, and he breathed out shakily. “Sorry,” he said with a smile, and then turned to Ratio before giggling again.

“Aventurine,” Ratio said through a smile, shaking his head and turning on his side to face the other way. He felt the divot in the bed grow closer until Aventurine was practically breathing down his neck.

Oh god. That was too close. 

And even closer still, when Aventurine wrapped his arms around Ratio’s waist and pressed his chest to his back. Ratio’s entire body tensed. So much intimacy. Almost too much. Had Aventurine been any closer, his groin would’ve been pressed up against Ratio’s thigh and he would’ve had to feel him. Entirely. Ratio turned around. 

“Oh. I’m sorry, do you not - I can go back to my side.”

He grabbed onto Aventurine before he could move away, and hugged him like he had been on the balcony. He took extra care to ensure that his lower half was separated from him, even when Aventurine leaned into him and pressed his head into the nape of Ratio’s neck. 

Aventurine breathed him in. And then he asked: “do you want me to turn around?”

Ratio’s mind was clearly against him at this moment. Damn it. It was so sweet, and he had to ruin it with his perversion. “No, you’re fine,” he murmured, showing an incredible amount of self restraint against his own body.

He breathed. Aventurine breathed. And then he cleared his throat once more. “Did you want to talk about the dream you had?”

“Maybe someday,” Aventurine said softly, the sadness seeming to creep back into his voice. Ratio cursed himself for asking - but somehow, in some twisted way, he was thankful for the mood of their conversation changing back. It meant he couldn’t be aroused by it anymore. “But not tonight.”

“That’s alright, I understand.”

“I know you do,” Aventurine said gently, in a way that made Ratio’s heart skip. Maybe Aventurine could hear it now as he was pressed against his chest. He had a clearer view of the gambler now, and watched as he closed his eyes and hummed. “I probably won’t fall asleep.”

Ratio didn’t respond. 3 minutes and 26 seconds later, Aventurine proved himself to be a liar.

Chapter Text

How to Show Them You Care 

Being Subtly Attractive: A Guide for the Uninitiated 

Ratio picked up another book. Being Kind, Even When it Hurts. He cleared his throat and added it to the stack. 

He seldom used the Intelligentsia Guild’s library for various reasons. As much as he loved used books, loved to know both the stories written in and off the pages, he usually found his personal library to be adequate. 

And obviously there was the fact that his students would seek him out and ask him for help and advice and all of these things he absolutely did not sign up to be asked about. 

But no, for some reason, he had to know about what was in these books. Not just for Aventurine, obviously. For.. um.. For.. 

“Is this Veritas Ratio in the flesh, in our school library?” Dr. Iuna Voss approached him with a grin. She smacked a hand on his revealed arm, and he tried not to wince from the impact.

It wasn’t that he disliked Iuna, rather, he disliked it when she stormed into his office at late working hours to complain about her husband. No amount of “mhm’s” and “I see’s” scared her away. Not even suggesting that she was the problem could shake her. 

Ratio realized he had to hide the titles from her, which only made her more curious as she swiped the top title from his stack. He tried to reach out to grab it, but she turned, a flurry of long silver hair replacing where her face had been. “Being Kind, Even When it Hurts.” She chortled. “You hurt someone’s feelings, Veritas?”

Okay, he did dislike Iuna. He swiped the book back from her and set it atop his pile again. “I only hurt feelings intentionally.”

He was not concerned with telling Dr. Voss the truth about anything. It was very anti-Intelligentsia Guild of him to lie - but he assumed lying about his feelings in a professional environment was simply business. “While we’re on such a topic, I feel inclined to say that you are bothering me quite a bit.” 

“Oh come on. No way to treat your elders.”

“You’re one year older than me,” Ratio said, uninterested, as he examined the back cover of another book he had picked up. How to Treat Delicate People.

“Are you treating someone delicate, Veritas?”

Ratio’s eye twitched. How was she allowed to teach here? Especially with her blatantly unconventional teaching methods - taking her students to the front of the Antimatter legion’s battle? To learn history? Outrageous! Zero points. 

“Wow. Did you just give me zero points?” Iuna scoffed. Ratio squeezed his eyes shut. He swore he had said that in his head.

Dr. Voss turned away and crossed her arms. “And to think I was going to invite you to my home for dinner.”

Wow. That sounded absolutely fucking dreadful. “I’m quite busy right now.”

“Learning how to treat delicate people?” Iuna reached up to start grabbing books from the exact same shelf he was working on. “Let me tell you, you’re probably better off without ‘em. My husband-”

“Iuna.”

She turned to face him. “Hm?”

“Fuck off.” 

Iuna’s face dropped. She searched for words, and Ratio moved to a different shelf. 

Unfortunately this resulted in a disciplinary infraction. Whatever.

Ratio was thankful to be back teaching, minus the bothersome conversation with Dr. Voss. He was not on the IPC’s schedule for today, so, naturally, he dismissed his substitute. 

He missed Aventurine the entire day. And that felt weird, both to feel it and to admit it. He knew he was probably just doing his regular daily routine - meetings, flirting, whatever he did for the IPC. But he was worried about the little Avgin boy beyond the mask. So much so that he made a spelling error on the board. 

“Pardon me,” he muttered, shocked at himself as he erased it. He heard a snicker from behind him. 

“How was your work today, Doc?” Aventurine asked as he walked into the door, tipping his hat in greeting before hanging it up on the coat hanger. 

“It was fine. I only threw one piece of chalk.” Ratio gazed up at him after he finished the paragraph he was reading. Aventurine was wearing his most dashing outfit - the one with a little heart cutout.

Ratio stared at it. At the way his muscles moved under his shirt, and then at the way Aventurine tilted down to meet his eyes. “Wow, you just straight up stared at my boobs.”

Ratio rolled his eyes and looked down to his books as Aventurine leaned on the counter. “I just cannot see the reasoning behind random holes in your clothes. Also, you don’t have.. Breasts.” 

“You can say it, Doc. I believe in you. Boobs. Say it.”

“I do not find that word to be especially formal, so no, I will not say it.”

“Boobs.”

“Aventurine, stop it.”

Aventurine tossed his hands in the air and removed his gloves, shoving them into the pocket he hung up as he moved over to the mirror Ratio had recently placed on his kitchen wall. It was helpful for both of them - Aventurine could make sure he looked good for his colleagues and Ratio could make sure he looked good for Aventurine. 

Ratio cleared his throat. “I need to correct a fallacy.”

“Oh no! A fallacy!” Aventurine whipped around and flew into the bar stool next to him. Ratio flipped his books upside down. The last thing he needed Aventurine to see was How to Treat Delicate People. “What’s the fallacy, baby?”

“Don’t call me that,” Ratio said, turning away as his throat tightened. It was just his work persona creeping into his home life. Did Aventurine consider this his home life? Maybe. Probably. “Men do have breasts.”

“Yeah, you were staring at them.”

“I was not.” 

“Sometimes I stare at your boobs, Doc. I think it’s okay.”

Ratio wanted to be mad at this as he dropped his book and his hands flew up to pull his eyes. But he immediately started to laugh. Well - maybe laugh was the wrong word. Because he was properly giggling. Had he ever giggled before? Maybe in joy after solving a complicated equation that marked the end of his final exam for his Advanced Mathematics degree, but that was about it.

“Do you want me to not stare at your boobs?” Aventurine egged him on, and Ratio shoved him with an elbow. Aventurine had to grab onto his bare shoulder so as to not fall over. 

“I don’t have boobs, damn it!”

“Okay, take off your shirt so I can point them out for you.” 

Ratio’s hands fell, and when he looked at Aventurine, he shrugged. “Go to your room.”

“You said the scary word, though. I think that’s a feat in itself.” Aventurine stood and turned to the cabinet to reach up and grab a cup. “You know what I hate about your fucking house?”

Ratio turned, alarmed. Aventurine’s smile faltered. “I’m mostly kidding, I love your house.” Ratio tensed. Aventurine loved something about him. No. No. Breathe, such a well-trained mind should not react this way to simple things. “I just hate how it was built for someone so tall.”

“Oh.” Ratio turned back to his book, frowning as he realized he’d lost his spot in the book. “I’ll buy a stool.” 

Once Aventurine was finished getting himself a drink from the fridge, he hopped back onto the chair next to Ratio. Ratio became suddenly aware of the heat radiating off of him… and the fact that Aventurine’s feet struggled a little to reach the floor. “Hey. I was wondering – what ever happened to that girl? The Foxian? What was her name?”

“Xuefei. You work with her, you should know her name.”

“I’m bad at names.” Aventurine sipped his drink. “I thought you liked her?”

Ratio would have never said that. In a sense, he felt bad for using her - because that was obviously what he had done. But it was just a transaction, surely. 

No. Not really. Nothing he thought made him feel better about it. “I.. it was a sexual relationship more than a romantic one. She was a little much.”

Aventurine rose a brow. “That’s surprising. Sounded like she really liked you that one morning in the hotel.” He sipped his drink and Ratio’s throat tightened. He reached down to his book to try to find his spot, and Aventurine set his glass on the table. “You were on page 98.”

Ratio could definitely learn to love him.

Fuck. No. Stop thinking like that. “Thanks,” he muttered, hating himself even more for saying such an informal phrase. Now that he was here, in the future, he was absolutely embarrassed for the way he had made Xuefei practically scream to everyone in the hotel. He cupped his face with his hands, once again losing his place in the book. But Aventurine would remember it, because he was the only helpful person on the planet. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Oh - don’t be. It’s fine. It is what it is.”

“Oh no.” Ratio’s nails dug into his scalp. His hands flung out in front of him. “Did anyone else know that was me?”

“Just me, I’m pretty sure. Nobody from work, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Aventurine seemed to take some sort of joy in Ratio’s embarrassment. Having that extra edge over him - and boy, did he have it. 

Ratio’s hands slapped back on his face. “I’m taking a bath!” He announced in a panic, and stood up promptly. He moved around the table in a rush, banging his side on a corner. “Owwwww!” 

Aventurine watched Ratio scramble like the pathetic animal he was. Seeming stuck between laughing at him and offering him help, he cleared his throat. “Are you-”

“Fine! I am fine!” Ratio started off towards the master bedroom before he paused and turned around to retrieve his book. 

Aventurine had already had it held out for him to retrieve. “Page 98.”

Ratio hated how much blood he felt rush to his face. And to his cock. “Thank you!” He spat out, grabbing the book from him and scurrying into his master bedroom.

He held the book up to his forehead and slammed it against his skull. Stupid man! Stupid man! He should’ve known better to chase such dirty, disgusting arousal!

The bath was very calming. Lavender soap typically had that effect. He considered bringing Mr. Bubbles out into the living room with him, but decided against it. That man’s place was the bathtub. He didn’t like anywhere else nearly as much.

Ratio’s clothes stuck to his skin. The towels he used never dried him properly, he noticed. As he exited the master bedroom, still drying his soaking hair, he knitted his brows thoughtfully to the man sitting on the couch. “Do your towels work?”

Aventurine turned to face him. His mouth parted. 

Ratio blinked. Maybe he didn’t hear. “Do your towels work?”

“U-Um, yeah, no, they’re good.” 

Ratio simply nodded and moved to the washer and dryer in the hallway by the kitchen as he started a new load. “I’m starting to think mine are too old,” he shouted over the running water, “the fibers might not work properly anymore.”

Once Ratio had finished starting the laundry, he took a seat next to Aventurine on the couch. Aventurine scratched his nose. “I’ve been wondering.. Why no TV? Surely you can watch, uh, like, documentaries on it or something.”

“The filler word, ‘like,’ is banned in–”

“Spare me,” Aventurine tossed his head back on the couch. Ratio diverted his eyes away from his exposed neck. What was he now, a fucking vampire? “Just answer the question.”

“So demanding.” Ratio clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and stared at the open space in front of him. He supposed a TV wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to have, but no. Such media would bring upon ultimate preoccupation. “Why watch television when you could read a book?”

“This is what I’m saying, though.” Aventurine tossed up a hand. “You don’t have fun.”

“Books are fun.”

“Yeah, but you read like, textbooks.” 

Ratio tried to ignore the filler word, but like a broken record, he began to say, “the filler word, ‘like,’ is–”

Aventurine grabbed his face with his hands and screamed. Ratio crossed his arms and turned away with a ‘hmph.’ Once Aventurine had made his point, Ratio breathed in, channeling all of the patience he had used up during the day. “I do not see a problem in reading textbooks.”

“You know what I like to read that you have none of?”

Ratio turned to Aventurine and observed him. “Romance?”

“Yeah - I - how did you even know that?” Aventurine sat up straighter. It wasn’t the way he conducted himself or the way he obviously yearned for something unspoken or the way he looked at other people. Maybe, Ratio dreadfully thought, that he was just projecting his own feelings and somehow managed to get it right.

“Just a hunch.”

“Ooookay.” Aventurine flattened his hands on his thighs as Ratio retrieved the books he had checked out from his kitchen. He started to read Being Subtly Attractive: A Guide for the Uninitiated, and mentally began a counter for how many of the things mentioned in the book Aventurine did. As he returned to sit back down, Aventurine crept over to look at the book. “What’cha reading?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, so hot, dirty sex?”

“What is wrong with you?” Ratio shut the book and tossed it to him purely to prove that he was not reading such a thing. 

Aventurine rotated the book to read the front title. He squinted at the title and then turned it to read the back cover. “Yeah, I don’t really think you need this.”

Ratio blinked and scratched his nose. “Am I not allowed to indulge?”

“You are, I mean, I can’t stop you,” Aventurine handed the book back to him and turned his body to face Ratio. “I think you’re subtly attractive. And - hm, what’s the opposite of subtle?”

Ratio pretended not to hear him for the sake of his dignity. Had he said anything, it would’ve come out in a stutter and then his cover would’ve been blown. He opened his book back up. 

“I know you know antonyms for subtle, Doc. You’re a smart guy.”

The doctor’s grip on his book tightened. He cleared his throat. “Nothing comes to mind.”

Chapter Text

According to a millenia-old relationship structure, conscious humanoids with the ability to reciprocate love typically favor one of the five love languages, although the combination and intensity of how they are displayed may vary from person to person. These love languages include: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts. 

Across the room, Aventurine was speaking with Dr. Elune about something still unimportant. He overheard a few words – “incompetent,” “understand,” and “ignoring the risks,” from Dr. Elune. Aventurine, being the smooth talker that he was, didn’t waver, kept on his smile, and tilted his head as he charmed Dr. Elune like it was breathing.

Hm. Words of affirmation, maybe? Aventurine was good with words. He flipped to the corresponding page and lifted the book up to his face. Those who favor words of affirmation typically express affection through spoken words, such as text messages, compliments, or flirting. This person will find joy in being complimented on what they do well or how they look.

Aventurine did have a tendency to compliment people. He did flirt a lot as well. Ratio would have to test this hypothesis later.

In his peripheral vision, he saw Aventurine move his hand to press it on Dr. Elune’s shoulder. Ratio rose a brow. Perhaps Aventurine’s love language was physical touch? He pressed his pointer finger to his tongue and drew forward another page. When someone leans towards physical touch to display affection, they’ll typically feel the most loved when being touched. Aside from sex, this can often mean holding your partner’s hand, putting your arm around them when seated contiguously, or giving them a hug at the end of a stressful day.

Ratio had hugged him at the end of a stressful.. Uhm.. night? Dream? And Aventurine seemed quite partial to that. Maybe he’d enjoy that. Try putting your arm around your partner the next time they

“What’cha reading, babe?” Aventurine plopped down on the couch next to him. Way into his personal bubble. Ratio squinted down at the words. Try putting your arm around your partner the next time they sit next to you. If they react positively, this may be (one of) their love language(s.) 

Ratio scoffed. He would not be doing that. That was far too intimate. 

Ironically, Aventurine did that exactly, huddling a little closer to Ratio so that their sides were pressing and tossing his arm around the doctor. “I’ll read with you,” Aventurine said, his breath much too close to his ear and warm against his neck. He could breathe. He could focus, and he would focus. 

“Your negotiations, with – um..”

“Dr. Elune.”

“Yes, her.” Ratio felt his face heating up. How would he be able to weasel out of a situation he wanted to be in? Aventurine squeezed Ratio’s shoulder. 

Why was Aventurine doing this to him? Surely he knew, on some level, that this was torture. Even if he didn’t know how it made Ratio feel.. In.. that sense, surely he could’ve at least assumed that Ratio wasn’t fond of touch, given that he hadn’t interacted in such a way with any other colleagues, and–

Aventurine was staring right into his soul. Smirking, like he does at a poker table when he knows he’s winning. He leaned back into the couch and drew his arm away to fold his fingers across his stomach and cross his legs. Ratio breathed like it was his first time tasting oxygen. “She’s warming up to me, that’s for sure. But I think she’d rather talk to you. You’re still IPC, but you’re less IPC than I am. You know?”

Ratio set the book on his lap and traced the indented lettering with his fingertips. Yeah. Talk to Dr. Elune, he was the.. Less.. IPC? Yeah. He was less IPC. Right.

Once the meeting had finished, Ratio had been sent back to Edo Star’s Intelligentsia Branch to teach a few more classes. “Dr. Ratio?” 

Ratio turned to one of his students; a small Edo Star native whose name he never seemed to be able to remember. The rest of the students from this class were beginning to disperse. Ratio dreaded this. After a few moments, he would be left alone with this student. 

He had a definitive disdain for large, crowded environments, but at least there he could either lecture to nobody in particular or dawn his bust and ignore the general public. Here, in a situation where he was trapped with someone he didn’t really know, he was forced to be entertaining. Dreadful. “How can I help?’

“I was thinking, if we use quantum energy for surgery, do you think we can do surgery across planets, too?”

Ratio drew a hand up to press his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “What kind of a question is that?”

The student faltered. “What?”

The doctor’s hands fell to his sides and he turned to collect his things from the desk. “Zero points. Please go away.”

The woodworking office of the Intelligentsia Guild was rather quiet after class hours, minus the couple of students who used it as a hangout. When Ratio entered and spotted them, he raised a brow. “Shouldn’t you be studying?”

One student seemed to open their mouth to defy him before his friends stood with quiet apologies and rushed out of the room. Ratio stared down the remaining student, who, after a few moments, stood and followed his friends with a grumble.

Ratio set his bag down and pulled out a piece of paper. The chalk he had used had smudged, and with a grumble, he licked his thumb and tried to rub it off. 

“Oh boy, we’re woodworking!” Black Swan cheered, appearing atop the station next to him. “What are we making today, Doctor?”

He glanced up at her and held out the blueprint for her to take as he moved towards the storage closet to pick up the proper pieces of wood. He held a particular piece for a few moments and then turned it in her direction. “Does this warp stick out terribly?”

With Black Swan’s help (which was really just surveying and occasional unsolicited design advice,) Ratio settled his finished project atop the station he’d been working at. 

“I think that looks good,” Black Swan offered. 

Ratio dismissed her with a hand. “I wouldn’t make something ugly.” He turned the stool upside down, running his fingers along the idents on the legs that held golden paint. “Beautiful and functional.”

“Alright.” Black Swan rolled her eyes and stood. “You want me to stand on it?”

Ratio nodded and set the stool on the ground. The Memokeeper hopped off of the workstation next to his and climbed atop of it. For a moment, he considered telling her to remove her heels, but then he figured that with them she was closer to Aventurine’s height. 

Well. Maybe that didn’t matter. He wasn’t making it for Aventurine. He didn’t have a stool. Everyone should have a stool. Black Swan looked down at him with a pitiful smile. “Do you think he’ll be able to reach your cabinets with this?”

Ratio considered this and stepped so that he and Black Swan were shoulder to shoulder. With the stool, though, she was noticeably taller than him. “He may hit his head on the ceiling. Perhaps I should shorten the legs.”

He returned home much after curfew, much after it had gotten dark, expecting to see Aventurine on the couch. His gaze flickered around the empty space, with the lights off, and he set the stool down on the kitchen table (on its side, of course, the legs had touched the disgusting floor of the Intelligentsia Guild’s woodworking space and the seat had touched the bottom of Black Swan’s shoes) and approached Aventurine’s door. He knocked on it gently. No response. When he opened it, he expected to see Aventurine asleep, but his bed was empty, still not having been made from the morning.

Hm. He figured it was natural for people to make their beds in the morning. No matter. He pulled his phone out from his back pocket. 

You are missing curfew. I am going to lock the door.

No response. He huffed and, just to occupy himself, started to make Aventurine’s bed. 

As he did so, he realized it had been a while since the sheets had been washed - it was the citrus, he figured. The more like citrus and like man the sheets smelt the dirtier they were. 

He stripped the bed, collecting the sheets and setting them into the washing machine. He made an extra effort not to let them anywhere near his nose. The restraint he had to exhibit over bed sheets disgusted him. It was just a fucking smell. When he sat atop one of the kitchen barstools and opened his phone again to check if Aventurine had responded, Black Swan appeared again. 

“We almost had a repeat of last time, there, Doctor. Good job.”

Ratio didn’t have the energy to respond. He turned to face her. “Do you know where Aventurine is?”

Black Swan pressed her palm to her cheek. “Maybe you should keep him on a tighter leash.”

“Right, I’m sure he’d like that.” Ratio spat with a grumble. This could’ve meant one of two things: Aventurine would not like that and he was being sarcastic, or Aventurine would’ve totally liked it because he was a pervert. “You won’t find out for me?”

“With the way you’ve been treating me recently, I don’t feel particularly inclined to do you any favors.” 

Ratio turned on his notifications for once in his life and tossed down his phone on the kitchen counter. He cleared his throat and folded his hands against the table. “How have I been treating you, then?”

“You were very unkind to me about my relationship-”

“I was not.”

“-and you were not particularly kind to me when you were making that stool for your boyfriend.”

Ratio’s face flushed. “I- he is not my BOYFRIEND!” He was disgusted by such an accusation. Not only would he refuse to even imagine such a thought aloud, the word boyfriend felt so oddly juvenile. “And I made that stool for myself! How was I unkind to you?”

“You weren’t speaking to me.” 

“I was using a hammer, Memokeeper!”

Black Swan turned away and folded her arms. When had Ratio signed up for this? She was beginning to remind him of an insecure teenage girl. No, no. This was not worthy of an apology. 

The Memokeeper remained silent for too long. And then she breathed in. “I wanted to tell you something a while ago, but you were too busy jerking off-”

“We’ve talked since then. Also, forget about that. Please.”

Black Swan narrowed her eyes and then turned away. Right as she was about to talk, Ratio’s phone dinged and he practically jumped. “Oh, a text from your boyfriend.” 

“Shut up.” He scrambled to unlock his phone and open his messages. 

SORRY!! ILL BE THERE IN 30 MINS PLZ DONT LOCK THE DOOR OR ILL SLEEP OUTSIDE LIKE A SAD LITTLE PUPPY 

Ratio smiled. He tried not to, but he did anyway. Black Swan, of course, teased him for this. “Not going to correct him on his punctuation?”

“Okay.” Ratio closed his phone and turned it upside down. “What did you want to tell me?”

“We had a whole security issue in the Garden a few days ago, and I think it had something to do with that Cremator that keeps showing up in your dreams.”

Ratio hesitated. “I have not seen her at all recently - although, I did see her when I was walking around Meiji.” Black Swan’s brows rose. She typically held a more solemn or sinister look - never surprised. She didn’t wear the emotion well. “I imagine that’s bad.” 

“Do you remember the day that was?”

“I believe it was two days ago. Was that when you had your security breach?”

Black Swan nodded. “I need to get back to the Garden. I’ll be back sometime within the next few hours, if you don’t mind – this is important news. Did anyone else see her?”

“Not to my knowledge. I didn’t know it was serious enough for you to ask permission to invade my personal space.”

Black Swan made a sliver of a frown at him before she disappeared again. Unfortunately, this left Ratio alone to wait for Aventurine’s return. 

He grabbed his bag from the Guild and opened it to retrieve How to Show Them You Care. He had forgotten the page number. Aventurine likely remembered it, especially given he was the one who made Ratio forget his place. The doctor cleared his throat. Preoccupation is the enemy of research. Zero points. 

Those who favor quality time as their primary affectionate language value complete, undivided attention in your presence. They like it when you are not distracted, locking eyes with them, and nodding as they speak. Try active listening. 

He hoped that this was not Aventurine’s love language. He could not imagine locking eyes with him for longer than a millisecond. He was too attractive.

Ratio wanted to double back on that thought, but he figured it was okay. It was a primary factor in the prejudice against Avgins: jealousy. They were all too beautiful. Aventurine couldn’t be an exception to his own race. Anyone would’ve hated to lock eyes with him. It was much easier to look at a book in Aventurine’s presence.

Ratio cleared his throat. Those who prioritize acts of service enjoy having things done for them: charging the car while they’re out, making them meals, or running errands. Ratio considered these. He glanced up at the stool sitting out on the counter. Perhaps this was his own love language. Try running your partner a bath after a stressful day - a bath! How perfect - and taking care of some errands for them. If they believe acts of service to be their primary love language, they’ll definitely thank you for it!

He knitted his brows and pulled the book closer. Why wouldn’t you thank your partner for doing something for you? He imagined Aventurine running a bath for him - and then immediately pushed the thought. That was something the book suggested a partner doing. Not a.. Um.. a coworker who was also a roommate. Right, that was an adequate description of their relationship.

Just as he was about to start the last section on receiving gifts, another ding came from his phone. As he jumped for it, he mentally made a note to seem less enthusiastic when receiving texts from Aventurine. 

I’m here babe did you lock the door? I finished up much quicker than I thought lol

Punctuation, don’t call me that.

Don’t call me that because it makes all the blood rush places it shouldn’t. And it makes me nervous. No, no. That’s not right. Don’t think like that.

Ratio jumped as the door opened. The room started to feel hotter than usual. Aventurine’s eyes were wide through his glasses. God, he looked so fucking good in those glasses. So intelligent. “Doc, am I grounded? Do you ground me if I miss curfew?”

Ratio nearly missed his cue to speak and cleared his throat. He prayed to Nous, which was not an acceptable form of Pathstriding, that Aventurine would be sent to bed early so Ratio could actually stand up. “No. But don’t do it again.”

Aventurine huffed, exasperated, seemingly having ran into the house. Ratio diverted his eyes from the sweat that glistened on his forehead, making his hair stick. He nodded to the stool on the counter instead. Aventurine beamed. “You bought me a stool!”

“I made it, actually.”

“You did?” Aventurine tossed his coat haphazardly onto the hook in a way that would never be considered neat. Zero points. “This is so cool! I didn’t know you could make stuff!”

“I’ve made most things in my house. I designed this kitchen and cut the marble myself.”

“That’s cool too, Doc!” He grinned again, and suddenly Ratio felt horrible for being aroused when Aventurine was so happy. Thankfully, this made it easier to force away the feeling. “Is that how you got so strong? Hauling big pieces of marble into your house?”

“No, I have a home gym.”

“You are just such a funny guy!”

Ratio blinked and squinted at him. This was a tipsy Aventurine. He dreaded thinking any further. Tipsy Aventurine usually meant he was at a bar, which usually meant he was doing his.. “Business deals.” For some reason, the only part that bothered him about this was that he wasn’t there. Ratio cleared his throat. “How did your.. Partying go?”

“It was productive partying,” Aventurine said with a lilt that only confirmed Ratio’s suspicious. He shouldn’t have been jealous. Not only was Aventurine not.. His, in any sense, it was just business. There was no emotion attached to giving random businessmen handjobs in exchange for stock trades. Right? Yeah. Surely. “Doc?”

“Hm.”

Aventurine thought for a moment and then giggled, “I think I’m in heat.”

Ratio was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the idea of discerning this as a potential suggestion and equally overwhelmed by the stupidity of the statement. “Humanoids do not go into heat, given that the female counterpart has a menstrual cycle.”

Aventurine smiled partially. “Um, Avgins go into heat.”

The doctor froze. “I..” his lips parted. This was an opportunity to learn something, Veritas! Get your mind out of the gutter for once! “Really?”

The gambler stilled. And then he burst into laughter, clutching the side of the marble countertops. Ratio’s face dropped. 

“You should’ve seen your face!” Aventurine seemed to think this was the funniest thing in all of Asdana. Ratio was ready to throw himself off the balcony. “‘Avgins go into heat’ - Doc, come on!”

“Alright. Knock it off.”

Aventurine straightened his back immediately. He folded his hands over the countertop and breathed. And then he giggled again. 

“Seriously. Stop it.”

“Okay, sorry.”

The two stared at each other for a moment. Ratio turned towards his book the moment he realized it. To make conversation, he asked, “what do you think your love language is?”

This surprised him. He had been trying to figure this out all day. He hadn’t expected himself to have just been able to ask that whole time. Aventurine leaned forward on the counter. “I dunno. I like the little things in life.”

“That is not a love language.” Ratio passed him the book. “Read this.”

“Did you just give me homework?”

The doctor pursed his lips. He finally felt human again, not like an animal. All over being called “babe.” Ridiculous. “I did. But only chapter 5. I expect you to have it read by tomorrow evening.”

Aventurine sighed, but picked up the book anyway. “Hey. Can I sleep in your bed again?”

Ratio grew alarmed and leaned forward. “Are you okay?”

This made the gambler smile, but for some reason, he once again tried to hide it. “I’m good. Just wanna cuddle.”

“That’s endearing.”

“Pretty please?”

Oh god. 

Oh god he had almost forgotten about that goddamned phrase. “I don’t think so.” The bright lights he had installed for the sake of ensuring the precision of his knife skills were wickedly betraying him at this moment as his face flushed with color. There was no hiding that. He knew that. He supposed all he could do would be to take it in grace. 

Aventurine made a very purposeful sad face and sighed dramatically before heading to his room, book in hand. As he opened the door, he turned. 

Ratio winced. The bedsheets.

“Hey, Doc. Unless you’ve got replacements I think I’m gonna have to sleep in your bed.”

Chapter Text

Ratio did have replacement bed sheets. But he let Aventurine believe otherwise. 

How had his mind become such a conflicting place? All he had done this entire time was contradict himself. He didn’t want Aventurine to sleep in his bed again. Not tonight, anyway, when he was clearly susceptible to Aventurine’s flirting. 

It’s just how he is, he had to remind himself. Aventurine has always been flirty. It’s a tool of his trade in the exact same way that Ratio’s tool is his intelligence. This is like Aventurine getting off on Ratio reading. It’s just his job.

The doctor thought for a moment. Aventurine had said a few days ago that his intellect was attractive (more specifically that his number of PhDs was attractive, but who's keeping track?) 

Hm. So maybe it was okay if he was a little weak to Aventurine’s charisma. It was something he’d been tailoring for quite some time – it was only natural to be weak to such a well trained skill. “Doc?”

“Hm?” Ratio answered immediately, like he’d been caught, like Aventurine could read his thoughts. On the other side of the room, Aventurine held a set of Ratio’s pajamas. The gambler smirked. “No, no–”

“Come on! These are so much comfier than mine!” Aventurine held an arm out. Ratio threw his hands over his eyes. Was he really this weak? Would he really let Aventurine walk all over him like he had three fucking minutes ago?

“No.”

“Pretty ple-”

“Stop saying that!” Ratio’s hands fell. Aventurine’s smile disappeared.

God. He was such an asshole without even trying. Aventurine opened his dresser back up and – quite neatly, Ratio noticed – placed his pajamas back where he got him and left the room, murmuring a “sorry.”

Ratio threw himself back onto the bed, nearly slamming his skull into the wall. He tugged at his hair as he waited for Aventurine to return so he could apologize. But all he heard was the closing of the guest room door.

He shot up out of bed and pulled Aventurine’s door open without knocking. Aventurine had began to pull his shirt off, facing away from Ratio and let it fall the moment he opened the door. “Hey. I get it. You don’t have to rub it in. I’ll take it down a notch.”

Aventurine had littered some of his trained charisma in there. Had Ratio really fucked up that bad? Was it really that serious? “I did not say you could walk away.”

“I hate when you say shit like that,” Aventurine muttered under his breath before fully turning to face him. 

“What is your problem?” Ratio knew these words were a mistake the moment they came out of his mouth. 

Aventurine’s face blanked, and then it grew angry. And Ratio was afraid, somehow. “My problem is that I have no fucking idea how to read you! Are you just tolerating me? Do you want me to leave – because I’ll leave. I don’t have to stay here.”

Usually Ratio enjoyed arguments. He’d take them, mold them appropriately, and win. He had a feeling he could not win this. He breathed in carefully. “I am sorry,” he said quietly. He didn’t really understand. He absolutely had not meant to snap at Aventurine but he felt such a violent reaction was unwarranted. “You can wear them, if you wa-”

“This isn’t about that!”

Ratio’s shoulders tensed again. There was a question here, something he had done wrong. But he had absolutely no idea what it was. He was beginning to feel like an idiot student. Zero points. “I am sorry,” he repeated, like a broken record, and Aventurine scoffed. 

“Just leave me alone, Ratio.” He muttered, walking up towards the door and closing it in his face.

Ratio stilled. He was beginning to feel like a kid again, when his mother was upset with him for a reason he couldn’t manage to figure out. He swallowed.

The shaking of his leg shook every piece of furniture on the balcony. Maybe Aventurine would come outside and apologize. Or – did Ratio need to apologize again? He wasn’t sure. Now would’ve been a great time to call up a friend. Or for Black Swan to appear. The one time he needed her, she was busy. And the one friend he could consistently rely on him was mad at him. 

This was exactly why he stayed in his bubble. His bubble was safe, devoid of conflict and intense emotion, and now he would have to think about this all night. What was even more pathetic to him was that Aventurine probably didn’t care – he was likely sound asleep right now, like a little baby. 

On just a mattress. Ratio pulled at his hair. He had upset someone so much they’d rather sleep on a mattress than be around him. Not even the couch, because it was too close. 

Too close. 

That was it. They had gotten too close and Ratio was forced to deal with the consequences. 

It was nice while it lasted, though. It was really nice. 

“Doc.” 

Ratio nearly got whiplash as he turned to face Aventurine who was standing in the doorframe. His chest tightened, and his cheeks stung. He knew better than this. He had just learned his lesson about vulnerability and he was not going to force the universe to teach him something twice. He cleared his throat. “Yes?”

His voice cracked. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

Aventurine’s arms were folded. “When I say, ‘leave me alone,’ I don’t want to be left alone.”

Oh god. Real life hieroglyphics – this is what his mother warned him about. This is exactly why she advised him to keep to himself. “..okay.”

Aventurine took some sort of sick amusement from this, because he smiled and moved to sit down next to him. “I’ve had a really long day.”

“Y-You can wear my pajamas if that would make you feel better.” Ratio sat up straight. Aventurine still hadn’t changed out of the clothes he was wearing – surely that was uncomfortable, having to take the bar home with you. The doctor’s eyes lit up as he got an idea. “I have a proposal.”

Aventurine pressed his fingertips to the side of his face as he held his face with his palm. His hair fell just over his eyes. This made it substantially easier to look at him as he beckoned for Ratio to continue. Yes! He could redeem himself. “When I have a bad day, I take a bath. You can use my bathtub. Subsequently, I will make you dinner and you will feel better.”

This was a big move. This was something he had mentally reserved for marriage, bathtub sharing. But he figured he would make an exception today for apology purposes. When Aventurine didn’t say anything, Ratio began to fidget with his hands. Since when did he start doing that? “We can also talk about your day, if you would prefer that. I suggested using my bathtub because you previously claimed to like the little things, so I am giving you a little thing. A bath.”

“You talk a lot less formally when you’re nervous.” Aventurine noted. Ratio stilled. Did he really? Was this a problem? One that he needed to correct? 

Ratio nodded. Agreeing would work in this situation, most likely. Yes! He did talk less formally when he was nervous! “I will also permit you to use my rubber ducky.”

Aventurine shook his head. But he smiled. What did this mean? Was this a good thing – had Ratio forgotten how to socialize again? He needed to call his mother, desperately. Aventurine covered his mouth as he looked out to the city. “It’s a little late for you to be, like, staying up to make me dinner.”

“You can even use the filler word ‘like’ for 24 system hours with no penalty.”

“That one was a test.” Aventurine stood up and gave Ratio a pat on his head and reached down to adjust his laurel. Before Ratio could even ask, Aventurine declared: “five points. I’ll go and take that bath now. It’s too late for you to be making dinner.”

Five points! What a joy! “You may also wear my pajamas and sleep in my bed.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

“Okay!” Ratio said this too happily. The moment Aventurine stepped into the master bedroom and closed the door, he grinned. Big and wide, because he was free of the weight and the fear.  

He had felt this rejection too much when he was younger. In school, when he’d say the wrong thing without realizing. This was why he kept to himself. He reached up to press his fingertips against the laurel on his head. Aventurine had fixed it perfectly. 

He stood and rushed into the kitchen. He would make dinner anyway. This was how his mother apologized. Through food. Not through words – but maybe by doing both, he was smoothing out the wrinkle quicker.

When Aventurine came out into the kitchen, his hair still soaking wet and wearing Ratio’s pajamas, the doctor turned and put a plate out on the counter. It was garnished a bit better than usual. Yes. This would be a good apology.

Aventurine exhaustedly smiled down at the food. Ratio, quickly, grabbed a fork. “If you are too tired to eat, I can feed you.”

The gambler continued to find his efforts amusing, which Ratio still could not force himself to understand. He truly was an imbecile. “It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to feed me.”

Ratio couldn’t even remember what the tension in his shoulders felt like when he heard those words. He had no idea he had missed that name so much. This was such an alarming amount of control that he just didn’t have and he had no idea how to handle it. He cleared his throat and gestured to a bar stool for Aventurine to sit at and moved to the opposite side of the table. The moment Aventurine started to eat, he paused and scrambled to the fridge.

“What?” Aventurine turned, speaking with his mouth full. 

“I forgot to get you a drink.”

Aventurine found this funny, again! Ratio turned to him with an empty cup in his hand and faltered. “Why do you keep laughing at me?”

The gambler rushed to chew his food and picked up a napkin from the center of the table to wipe his face. “You’re being very sweet. It’s adorable.”

Ratio pursed his lips. “I don’t understand. Is this not what you want me to do?” 

“I feel bad in a sense, because you still think I’m mad at you.”

Ratio turned away to fill up Aventurine’s cup. He could pretend like he understood, so long as he kept quiet. But as he put down the cup of water next to Aventurine’s plate, he breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank you for saying that.”

Aventurine stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork and held it towards Ratio’s mouth. When he remained still, Aventurine sighed and rolled his eyes. “Come on. Eat some.” 

“But it’s your foo–mm.” Ratio took the fork from Aventurine and returned it to him after pulling the chicken off with his teeth. As he chewed it, Aventurine took another bite of the pasta on the side. Ratio cleared his throat. “So you aren’t mad at me.”

“No, babe. I was the asshole.”

Ratio blinked. Friendships were so unnecessarily difficult. “..okay,” he said calculatedly, unsure if this was another test. “I am still sorry.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

Ratio could melt right now if he let himself. If Aventurine’s hands were free, he would reach out to grab one and intertwine their fingers. He’d examine each nail, ensure that he was taking proper care of himself, that his iron levels were adequate. He watched Aventurine’s every move, cherishing it, because less than a system hour ago he thought he would never see Aventurine again. “So I am not the problem?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

“Okay,” Ratio stood up straight. “How do I not be the problem?”

Aventurine considered this for a moment. He sighed, as if this was not something Ratio could understand. Ratio smiled to himself, even if it was partial. Aventurine was surely mistaken. Ratio could understand anything.

Well. Except questionable social cues. Those were a bit lost on him. Aventurine, having thought through his answer, turned to him. “I can never tell if you’re oblivious intentionally, let’s start there.”

Oh god. Was he oblivious? Obliviousness was idiotic, and he was no idiot. Well, today he was beginning to feel like one. That was the one thing he knew to be certain about within the past few hours. “Oblivious about what?”

Aventurine stared at him. Ratio wanted so badly to understand. The one time he needed to think, and he couldn’t think. Great. Just great. All those years of academia wasted. “Alright,” Aventurine said forwardly, stabbing his chicken with a bit more fervor than usual. “Why did you yell at me like I was annoying earlier?”

“I did not yell at you like you were annoying. That is a hasty inference.”

“So you’re not nervous anymore, then?”

“Hm?”

“You’re back to your formalities.” 

Ratio thought about this. Maybe talking like the common garb was something Aventurine liked. This would mean dumbing down his vocabulary. Dreadful, but he presumed Aventurine not being his friend felt much worse than being an idiot. Before he could speak, Aventurine took his place. “If you weren’t annoyed with me, what was it?”

Yeah, there was definitely a gun to his head now. Ratio gripped the side of the marble countertop. He tried to find the best way to explain this. But he felt cornered. 

“There.. Are, um.. Some phrases that I tend to be weak to.”

Unfortunately, Aventurine understood this way more than he was meant to. At least, that’s what Ratio assumed, given the way he started beaming. “You can’t handle a pretty please?”

Ratio tensed. “I am very weak to that, yes.”

Aventurine giggled. “Why Doc, does it make you horny?”

He knew by the way Aventurine smiled, he knew by the glint in his eyes and the way he leaned forward: he was joking. He was not being serious. But how dare he. How dare he get it so spot on. “No.”

Aventurine’s joy seemed to dissipate. “Oh wow,” he deadpanned. “It actually does.”

Ratio was ready to die right in that instant. “No, absolutely not. Stop that.”

The gambler’s smile came right back as he scooped up the last bit of food on his plate. Except, this smile was considerably more sinister. “I’ll keep that in mind, baby.”

Yeah. That was it. Those were the killing words. They itched a part of Ratio’s brain that he didn’t even know he had. And he stared. He stared, wide eyed, and then cleared his throat. “I will be in bed. Goodnight.”

Aventurine glanced up at him. Oh. He was.. Doing a look. The type of look he did when.. Oh god. And then it softened and went back to normal. And he smiled. “Night. I’ll clean up.”

Ratio would have time to jerk off. Probably. Hopefully. He could not sleep in the same bed as Aventurine with an erection. He waited until the damned gambler turned around and rushed off to his room. 

Chapter Text

“Oooo, breakfast! I never get this great of a morning after treatment.”

Ratio turned to watch as Aventurine entered the kitchen. He was still wearing his - er, Ratio’s pajamas, with his hair in a much messier state than it typically was when he slept. Ratio let out a sigh as he returned to his cooking. Pancakes. A simple yet filling meal. “We only slept in the same bed.”

“Yeah, and this is the morning after we slept in the same bed.”

“Right, but–” Ratio cut himself off. There was no use in arguing with Aventurine. He always had to win. Ratio set the final pancake atop of the plate he’d been using and, to his dismay, Aventurine picked it right back up. “That is going to be extremely hot!”

Aventurine stuffed it into his mouth anyway. How he handled the temperature, when his eyes obviously stung and he was in clear distress, was beyond Ratio. “Zero points.”

“Sorry,” The gambler said, words dripping with sarcasm and face adorned with a smirk. Yeah. He was not sorry. 

Ratio scoffed as he reached up to open the cabinet. He set two plates down, reached for the fruit basket, and began to cut up apple slices as a garnish on the side of Aventurine’s plate. “Apples are a fantastic, nutrient dense food, high in dietary fiber, vitamin C and antioxidants. I’m glad you’ve taken a liking to them.”

“You’re like a walking textbook.” Aventurine stood next to Ratio and watched him a little too closely as he plated the food. “Can you put whipped cream on mine?”

“Are you sure? This would lessen the health benefits of–”

“Only idiots speak with uncertainty.” Aventurine smirked as he folded his hands behind his back. “Remember?”

Ratio knew better than to look at Aventurine when he could practically feel the man’s breath on his cheek. But he did anyway – immediately regretted it, and turned away. The warmth on his side from Aventurine’s presence disappeared, and he opened up his fridge. “I will have to whip the cream by hand – it should only take a few minutes.” 

When he turned around, Aventurine was gone. Ratio was learning to get used to this – he had likely seen himself in the mirror and gotten self conscious. This was something Ratio did not completely understand.. How could a man like Aventurine possibly be self-conscious? Even if his hair wasn’t perfect, he still had an excellent facial structure: it was perfectly symmetrical, he had a perfectly built jawline and a nose that even Ratio was jealous of. He reached into his cabinet to retrieve the vanilla extract and put in the smallest possible amount.

He thought, and then added a little more. Aventurine seemed to have a taste for sweeter desserts.

Once he had finished breakfast, all special requests honored, he set both plates down on the kitchen counter and sat on one of the stools. He waited for Aventurine to return before eating, and once he had returned (smelling of citrus with significantly neater hair,) Ratio gestured to the bowl beside his pancakes. “I was unsure how much whipped cream you wanted. I’m sure that will suffice. I am fully prepared for there to be a surplus.. Oh.” Ratio’s face contorted as he watched Aventurine hold the bowl over his pancakes and scoop every last bit of whipped cream onto a mountain over them. 

“What?” Aventurine glanced up at him from across the counter and used his fork to taste the whipped cream. “Ooo, yummy.”

Ratio tried to look down at his own food and mind his business. In his peripheral vision he could see Aventurine cutting the pancakes that he couldn’t even see. He cleared his throat. Aventurine used his fork to collect a small dollop of whipped cream off of his plate and plop it onto Ratio’s pancakes. 

“Thank you.” Ratio attempted to avert his eyes again, but when he looked at the mountain of whipped cream, he drew back a little. 

“Fun makes you so uncomfortable. It’s sad.” Aventurine blindly stabbed a pancake slice and popped it into his mouth, having to wipe his upper lip free of whipped cream that he couldn’t quite fit. “I think if I want a little treat with my breakfast I should have it.”

“That is not little.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways,” Aventurine sat up straighter. Ratio was getting ready to explain to him the dangers of such indulgences. “Do you have Intelligentsia stuff to do today?”

“I have a lecture in an hour. I will be grading some papers today as well.”

“Cool. Do you have time to go to the bar with your favorite person?” Aventurine tilted his head into a smile. Ratio was conflicted between rolling his eyes and smiling. “I figured it could help with your nerves.”

Ratio blinked, and once he was done chewing his food, he said, “my nerves?”

“Yeah, you’ve got that meeting with Dr. Elune tomorrow. She requested you specifically. She was like, ‘wow, he’s so intelligent and handsome!’ that’s what she said.”

“No it’s not. She wanted to speak to me because I’m not directly affiliated with the IPC.” Aventurine waved a hand with a huff. Ratio felt like there was a joke here he wasn’t picking up on. “Why would I be nervous?”

Aventurine faltered and scooped up some whipped cream that had melted to the side of his plate. “Don’t you hate people?”

“I hate imbeciles. Most people tend to fit that mold. Besides, idiots do not make me nervous. They make me angry.”

“Can we just go to the bar to hang out, then? As friends? As guys?” Ratio could sense, just barely, a hint of uncertainty here. Aventurine stuffed his mouth and let his fork fall to his plate with a clatter as he chewed.

“I suppose.”

“Hoorahm!”

“Do not speak with your mouth full.” 

Strangely, Ratio’s day felt much longer than usual. He hadn’t even been able to catch up on grading like he had intended to, with how many people stopped by his office to “chat” or “ask for help.” He had thought that removing the chair on the opposite side of his desk would discourage both students and colleagues alike to leave him alone. The only person who didn’t give him a migraine was a philosophy graduate student who had a genuinely good question and a definitively promising future. Students like these reminded him why he was teaching in the first place. 

His phone buzzed, and he forced himself not to react to it. He had to finish these papers. When it buzzed again, he turned off the notifications and shoved it into a drawer. 

A colleague opened the door to his office. He left it closed, typically, with the blinds shut, to discourage people from doing exactly that. Oh well. This was a colleague he actually respected – Dr. Voight from the philosophy department. “Hey, Veritas.”

“Emmett.”

“Could you cover my 12:30? My wife got into an accident.” Ratio raised a brow, and before he could ask, Dr. Voight raised a hand, “she’s fine. I just gotta go deal with insurance.”

“Right.” Ratio turned to his desk. He debated this: perhaps Dr. Voight had forgotten what planet he was on when he fabricated this lie – there were never accidents on Edo Star. “I’ll take care of that.”

Dr. Voight gave him a thumbs up and shut the door. Ratio huffed. Dr. Voight was lucky he taught philosophy. Otherwise, Ratio might actually catch up on his grading for once.

After teaching the class and purchasing a new box of chalk from the academics store (as the pieces tended to break on impact when shooting them at students) Ratio stepped out into the parking lot. He reached for his phone and, with a frown, remembered the messages he had neglected to answer from earlier. Had they not been from Aventurine, he obviously wouldn’t have cared.

Hey, my noon meeting got canceled. Can I bring you lunch and we can hang out for a bit? 2hr

Offer expires in 15 minutes 2hr

Literally what if I was dead 1hr

Ratio smiled a little at the last message and, once he closed his car door and tossed his bag to the passenger seat, he typed:

I’m sorry. I was working. 

Why do you have things to do other than stare at your phone every waking second of the day and wait for me to text you. I’m hurt, pls delete my number. 

Please do not abbreviate “please.” You are saving milliseconds by neglecting the vowels. 

Time is money babe. I’ll see you later 

Ratio smiled to himself. When he closed the phone, he breathed out contently and stared off into the distance blankly. 

And then jumped wildly as a knock came on his window. When he turned, his smile fell. Dr. Voss. 

He debated just pulling out of the parking spot and running over her shoe. Instead, he rolled down the window. “Hello, Iuna.”

“Hey,” she seemed a little worse for wear today. Like she’d lost her sparkle. Had that been Ratio? Probably. He wanted to say this didn’t affect him, but somewhere, in the back of his mind, he felt a little guilty. “It’s nice to see you smiling for once.”

Had she said it how she usually spoke, Ratio would’ve scoffed. But this sounded genuine. She cleared her throat. “I didn’t mean to cross boundaries the other day. I hope for the sake of professionality, we’ll be civil with each other from now on.”

Ratio blinked at her. Silver hair fell over her eyes and she tried to move it away. He hated these types of confrontations. Where the other person seemed.. Afraid, in a way, because that meant that he was, in essence, scary. “Indeed. I’m sorry I swore at you, Iuna. I had a lot on my mind that day.”

She gave a smile – a genuine one, and patted the side of Ratio’s car before turning to step into her own that was parked next to his. Ratio found some comfort in this – she hadn’t traversed the entire parking lot to speak with him, at least.

Upon returning home, Ratio stepped into his office to read How to Treat Delicate People. He took a seat on his chair and set a candle alight. Lemon. He’d grown to like the scent. 

Delicate people, as defined by this book, are people who experience emotions more intensely than others. It is deeply important to remember, dear reader, that delicate people are not to be infantilized. They are still men, women, or other, and so it is important to treat them as such. 

Naturally. This thought had never crossed Ratio’s mind.. Until he thought about it a bit more, and tensed. Had he been infantilizing Aventurine? With the protectiveness – oh dear, with the curfew? 

Okay. Maybe he would lift the curfew. He just wanted to ensure the safety of his only friend. That was a normal thing to do. 

Right?

Delicate people may find themselves struggling to handle intense emotions or situations – Aventurine did not fit this criteria. He handled intense situations quite well.. On the outside, at least. 

Ratio hesitated. Had Aventurine handled Penacony as well as he thought? 

Maybe. Maybe he was fine. 

The doctor rattled his head, dark waves flying over his eyes which he then had to fix. Since when had he taken so long to read a damn book? Especially a psychology one – there were usually not connections like these to make. 

..handle intense emotions or situations, but this does not render them weak or overly sensitive. Often, delicate people may be considered “highly sensitive people” (HSPs.) There is typically a biological component to these individuals: a more sensitive nervous system that reacts heavily to, for example, loud noises or negative emotions. I have identified three types of delicate people: the “soft-hearted idealist,” the “intuitive empath,” and the “anxious perfectionist.” 

Blah blah blah, acknowledgements, blah blah blah, dedicated to my emotionally stunted sister, blah blah blah. Ratio skipped to the next section.

The soft-hearted idealist is deeply empathetic, caring, and compassionate. Striving to make the world a better place, the soft-hearted idealist is often crushed when their care or plans are not received well. These people are often highly creative, with a love for nature

Ratio flipped to the next section. This was not Aventurine. 

The intuitive empath is a person who has a strong ability to sense the needs and emotions of others. This person is often connected to other types of delicate people, and as a result, tends to grow overwhelmed from constantly feeling their friends’ emotions. However, these intuitive empaths are known for a “superpower:” they pick up on subtle social cues that most people would miss. 

This was also not Aventurine. But Ratio couldn’t help but feel jealous of these intuitive empaths. How nice it would be to properly discern questionable social cues and pick up on the more secretive ones.. All for the price of feeling. He flipped the page. 

The anxious perfectionist is highly conscientious and detail-oriented. They drive themselves towards excellence, often setting high standards for themselves that, at times, they may struggle to reach. These individuals tend to hide their feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, and as a result, may go under your “delicate person” radar.

Ratio squinted and pulled the book closer. They may have difficulty delegating tasks or accepting help from others, afraid to show signs of weakness. They often struggle with feelings of inadequacy or the fear of failure, leading them to avoid more difficult tasks.

Ratio grabbed his phone out of his pocket to text Aventurine. 

Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy or the fear of failure?

Aventurine saw the message immediately. Ratio leaned back in his chair, eager for a response. The gambler typed for a few moments, and then the bubbles disappeared. 

Just as Ratio was about to put his phone down, it buzzed. Gee, Doc. Take me out to dinner first?

I already did that.

Are you trying to diagnose me or something?

Why are you dodging the question?

Aventurine stopped responding for a few seconds. Ratio narrowed his eyes at the screen. Did Aventurine not understand he was neglecting truth?

I gotta meeting. I’ll talk to you later babe

..But not about my feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure. That’s off limits.

Ratio squinted. Did this mean that, yes, he did indeed feel inadequate or fear failure? He turned off his phone, neglecting to correct Aventurine’s grammar, and opened the book up again. 

Anxious perfectionists are often afraid of disappointing others, and will overexert themselves to avoid this outcome. This can also lead to excessive self-criticism and they may struggle to try new things. Despite these challenges, anxious perfectionists have a fantastic work ethic and are consistently trying to grow both in their professional and mental field. 

So – how do you treat an anxious perfectionist? Try some of the following:

Encourage your anxious perfectionist to set reasonable goals.

Remind them that it’s okay, and failure is part of the learning process. 

Help your anxious perfectionist learn relaxing coping mechanisms, such as meditation.

The following point really spoke to Ratio in Aventurine’s case: Remind them that they are valued and appreciated for who they are, not just their achievements. 

Chapter Text

Ratio pulled into the parking lot of the bar and stared up at the bright, neon lighting of the bar. He breathed in as he watched a couple of Edo Star natives saunter in, purses dangling after them as they hooked themselves to the men they were seemingly trying to court. Ratio found such things pointless. Dates never seemed to go well for him (mainly because he never knew that he was on them until they ended.) 

He grabbed his bag from his passenger seat and pulled out How to Treat Delicate People. There was no possible way he was entering that hellhole without his designated extrovert present. 

Anxious perfectionists tend to have their problems rooted in adolescence. This can most prominently be seen in family dynamics that placed high value on personal achievement and were incredibly negative in regards to failure.

Surely this did not apply. Aventurine always spoke so highly of his family. Ratio reclined his chair just a tad so that he could stew on this, and held the book up to accommodate the change. If a child believes that their failure may end up resulting in some sort of harm, or that they are nothing without their accomplishments, they may end up developing

Aventurine knocked on his window, and Ratio had to fight to keep his soul inside of his body.

The gambler cupped his face around the glass and pressed up against it like he was watching a fish tank. Aventurine smiled, and Ratio suddenly couldn’t be upset that he was being treated as an attraction. 

“Hey baby. What’cha reading?” Aventurine asked once Ratio had opened the door, a big smile plastered on his face. Ratio was thankful that it was dark out. He was confused as to why such pet names still made him feel hot. He should’ve been used to them by now.

Ratio adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves and took a glance down at Aventurine. “Nothing important.” 

“Well, you jumped like I had caught you watching porn.”

The doctor scoffed and started towards the bar. Aventurine hopped to his side, and after a few seconds, said: “probably not that out of character for you.”

“I will not be entertaining this.”

“Why, Doc, embarrassed?” Aventurine smirked up at him as Ratio held the door open for the gambler to step into the bar. Aventurine glanced over to the bouncer with a giggle as he allowed the two men inside without a complaint. The bar had previously hosted an IPC event – Ratio was immediately struck by how much quieter it was now that it was back to being just.. A regular old bar. 

Too bad it wasn’t an open bar anymore. He took a seat on the nearest barstool and requested two things: citrus brandy “preferably with lemon garnish, if you feel so inclined,” and the wine menu. 

“Aw. You remembered my order.” Aventurine tilted his head towards the doctor once the bartender turned to collect the wine menu and slide it onto the table. “How sweet.”

“Hardly. It is of paramount importance that one retains a clear, concise memory. Being able to recall a friend’s drink preference–”

“Can you just let it be nice?”

Ratio collected the wine menu in his hands. “Interesting. They have Rozália from the Overworld of Belobog.” He turned the menu to see if there was anything on the back. “I was unaware they had started exporting to other planets.”

Aventurine reached out to receive the brandy from the bartender – an awkward move, Ratio noticed. Aventurine’s hands lightly grazed the bartender’s as he received the drink. 

Probably warm, Ratio noted. But then he considered further. Aventurine was always slightly cold. Perhaps this was due to the development of the Avgin race – how they became accustomed to such a hot, barren planet like Sigonia. 

He considered asking Aventurine about this as he watched him happily sip his brandy from the straw he’d been offered. A straw. That was odd. He had quite literally never seen brandy served in such a way. This was Edo Star, a planet known for late nights and infamous for light scandalism. How could they not properly serve alcohol?

Ratio was beginning to think that he actually did not want to try the wine. Unfortunately, Aventurine ordered it for him anyway, and he found himself unwilling to complain. They were at a bar, after all. The least he could do was try to fit in. When Ratio received his drink, Aventurine straightened his posture and watched him take a sip. “You know, I’ve been thinking.”

“Impressive.”

“Stop saying that.” Aventurine tried to feign anger but failed miserably. “Am I allowed to call you Veritas?”

The doctor savored the taste of the wine on his tongue. “This is quite beautifully made.” 

“You are like, the worst question-dodger in Asdana. You know that, right?”

Ratio hummed and held his drink out to Aventurine. “You should try this. It has quite an impressive taste.”

Aventurine’s brows furrowed. He disliked being ignored on certain questions. Other times, he seemed to think it was funny. Odd, but there wasn’t likely to be a book about this. How to Discern Aventurine’s Secret Antics would be something Ratio would have to write himself. “I suppose you can call me that.”

“You let Black Swan do it.”

“I don’t let her do anything. She does everything without my permission and I simply allow it, like I will allow you to call me by my first name.”

“Okay..” Aventurine took the final sip of his drink and pushed the empty glass forward for the bartender to refill. When he retrieved his newly refreshed drink, and silence lingered in the air too long, Ratio spoke up again. 

“I don’t exactly like my name so much as I tolerate it.”

“Oh.” The gambler crossed his legs under the table and drank his second glass of brandy a little too fast. Trying to get drunk, probably, so he could escape the small talk. “How come?”

Ratio considered this, having never been asked such a question before. “I don’t know,” he said simply, a rare admission from him (although he seemed to be saying it rather often recently. Perhaps it had downgraded to uncommon.) “Veritas is a colleague, son, and scholar. He is rarely a friend.”

Aventurine called him that anyway. It felt weird, and he vowed not to do it again. But he was drunk, so it didn’t really matter.

Ratio opened the notes app on his phone. Study and hypothesize the differences between Avgin alcohol tolerance and human alcohol tolerance. It is a shame I only have one subject.  

When he looked up, Aventurine had gotten bored of him. The bar was much fuller now. Aventurine was the only blond among a sea of black and brown hair. Just as he did on the streets of Meiji, Ratio loved this. It was easier to keep an eye on him, even if he had chosen to abandon him.

He brought a wallflower or two over to the bar to chat whenever Ratio got lost in thought. It was quite the arrangement, the doctor thought, as Aventurine was always pleased in some way or another. 

Ratio knew this. He could get boring. That was just the person he was. 

“Hey, Veri – oh, what do you think of that?”

“I dunno,” Ratio slurred. 

“We’ll revisit. I read that book you.. Assigned to me, remember?”

Ratio rubbed his face. Aventurine was not his student.. He had no reason to assign him books. “No.”

Aventurine drabbled about something. About the book that he forgot, or, had assigned to him? About love? Maybe that was important. He wasn’t sure. How many drinks had he had – for the sake of sparing his wallet, umm.. 

Aventurine’s newfound popularity meant good things for his credits, though, given that his new friends were quite keen on buying the gorgeous blond foreigner some drinks. Ratio could understand this sentiment – uh.. Wherever he went.. Where was Aventurine? 

Ratio raised a hand up to clutch his head. Aventurine was nice enough to share these pardoned drinks with him. Only Nous knew what he drank at this point.

He stood to find Aventurine and the world fell apart underneath his shoes. When did he get on the floor again? Why was he on the floor – maybe it was better to be here. Hm. 

What a cold barstool. Bar floors are quite sticky. Aventurine’s voice is nice at least. And his hands are cold. Hands are always cold. Aventurine’s hands are always cold.

Ratio pressed his skin into the cold metal pedestal that held the barstool off the ground. So nice. Temperature was a lot better. 

He heard his name – one of them, anyway. Not too sure which one. Someone was trying to pull him away from the barstool, someone who smelt like citrus. 

What an unfamiliar place he was in. 

Rudely, he was pulled up off the ground. Clearly it was his place. He stumbled, balanced himself on.. Some wood.. Or.. maybe a person?

“Hello,” he tried to say, but his mouth was filled with cotton or.. Something similar, maybe, uhh.. Um.. 

His name came from somewhere again. Where was he again? Oh great Nous it’s cold, on.. Edo Star, yeah. That’s a good start, maybe he’s on Edo Star. 

“..how.. your car..” 

This new place was a lot quieter. Quiet enough for him to fall asleep.

And then he was woken up again.. Hmph. Rude.

Meshing smells. Caramel and citrus had no business together, but here they were anyways, dragging him somewhere. The floor, at first, and then somewhere nice.. Warm. 

Smelt like cashmere. Well, at least until he threw up. 

The sun on his eyes the next morning felt like a genuine assault.

It took him a while to collect his consciousness – dropped fragments everywhere, all over his house. Must’ve been that Memokeeper. 

He stirred and fell back asleep to the best of his ability.

And then he woke up again. Why couldn’t he just get some sleep.

Enveloped in something warm, comforting. Like his mother. Ah. How nice. Fall back asleep if you want to, Veritas.

And then he actually woke up. His eyes had been shielded from the light by another body – one he quickly recognized as Aventurine. The moment the doctor properly stirred, he felt such a raging and violent nausea that he stumbled out of bed. 

How he made it to the bathroom in time was beyond him. But the expulsion of such.. Poison was so incredibly relieving. He settled against the marble cabinet, exhausted. He could fall back asleep now if he wanted to. He probably should’ve, but Aventurine helpfully came to his rescue.

The man’s voice felt foreign to his ears. Aventurine leaned down next to him on the floor and pressed a hand to his forehead. So cold. The gambler sighed as he dropped his hand for a reason Ratio couldn’t possibly discern right now. “I’m glad you’re up.”

Ratio squinted at him. Every time he tried to blindly grasp at a thought, it disappeared. There were a couple things he did know: he smelt terrible, his throat was incredibly dry, his eyes were hot, and he was covered in sweat.

“How do you feel?” Aventurine said, tilting his head with a frown. Ratio closed his eyes.

How did he feel? He needed water. That’s how he felt. Aventurine pressed a wet towel to his forehead. It felt like a deaf man’s first time hearing. Aventurine pressed it to his eyes for a few moments, wiping them clean, leaning forward to press it further against his neck.

That was decently sobering. When he pulled the towel away, Ratio breathed in softly. “What a hangover,” he murmured, wincing immediately after doing so. Did he swallow a bowl of nails last night? What the hell was going on?

Aventurine smiled, weak and pitiful. And knowing. “Not really a hangover.”

Chapter Text

After a frigid shower (baths usually had a relaxing effect and Ratio was desperately trying to avoid further depressing his body,) a hot face towel, and some eggs, Ratio settled himself on the couch and rubbed his eyes. “I am a grown man. You do not need to follow me around.”

Aventurine, who had sat down next to him about an inch away, pressed his back deep into the cushion. “So you feel better now?”

“Yes.” 

The gambler took a hold of Ratio’s hand. He was behaving awfully sheepish. It was significantly out of character. Aventurine traced the lines of his palms and squinted. 

He was beginning to do things like this more often, Ratio noticed – subtle touches. Like brushing his shoulder or pressing their knees together when they sat on the couch. Aventurine started to put his hands on Ratio’s shoulders when he was cooking as well. It was definitely not unwelcome. But it felt strange. Again, too domestic. 

Ratio looked down at his eyes – solemn, not sparkling and happy. “What’s the matter?”

“I feel really bad.”

Ratio nearly said that guilt was a worthless feeling but he assumed that would’ve been inappropriate. “That’s unnecessary. You were not the one who spiked my drink.” 

Aventurine breathed. He had not outwardly explained it to the doctor but the pieces came together as he collected himself. There were a lot of drinks going around. “It was a simple accident,” Ratio added, unsure if consolation was necessary. 

Clearly it was, because Aventurine’s lip trembled. His grip on Ratio’s hand tightened, and he pressed the doctor’s fingers closed so he could hold it better. Perhaps this was a good grounding tool for him. “It was supposed to be for me.”

“Maybe not,” Ratio suggested, although he knew better. It was odd for something like this to happen outside of an IPC event. That was business, and business for some people meant sleeping with the alluring Avgin at any cost. Whatever. Sell the stock, sure. Who cares about Aventurine? Ratio forced himself to unclench his jaw and breathe. “Nothing happened to me. You got me home safely. That is the end of it.”

Aventurine’s eyes watered. He knew what these things felt like, Ratio was certain of that. But he really was fine – no tricks and whistles were needed to convince him, and after his groggy morning he really just felt hungover. “I am surprised you figured out how to drive my car.”

This made Aventurine laugh in spite of his threatening tears, and Ratio gave his hands (given Aventurine was holding one of the doctor’s with both of his) a quick squeeze. He had read that somewhere. A squeeze of reassurance. “I didn’t realize Edo Star had such.. Complicated technology.”

“I wouldn’t call it complicated, but I understand. It is designed to fall into the natural flow of Meiji. There are rarely crashes on Edo Star because cars repel each other with that so-called ‘complicated’ system.”

Aventurine shut his eyes and breathed for a few seconds. “Swan is really strong. I had no idea.”

“Hm?”

“She helped me get you inside yesterday. Taking you out from the bar wasn’t so hard, because you were still kinda walking, but you had fallen asleep in the car.”

“Oh.” Ratio remembered this, only based on the scents. Yes. The two had those perfumes that mixed terribly together. “Did she need something from me?”

Aventurine shook his head. “I think she literally only showed up to help you.”

That couldn’t have been true. Something must’ve happened with that Cremator. Ratio refused to believe Black Swan cared about him that much. She probably would’ve let him knock a tooth out on the stairs up to his house if there was nothing pressing.

Aventurine pulled Ratio’s hand opened again. “Your life line is very straight,” he murmured, drawing a fingertip along the span of the line that separated Ratio’s thumb from the rest of his hand. “You should trust people more.”

Ratio usually had a dislike for these sorts of things – they had no basis in logic. But he liked the feeling of Aventurine’s touch. He liked the sound of his voice and the way his hair fell just over his colorful eyes as he looked down at his palms. More importantly, he liked how it calmed him. “I didn’t know you could read palms.”

“There was never much to do on Sigonia.” Ratio focused. Aventurine’s mentions of home were sparse and it was of utter importance that he pay attention to them. “We only read left hands. Our Mother Goddess was – is depicted as a left hand.”

“I imagine you got quite good at that.”

Aventurine flashed him a smile. “I’d like to think so,” he said, then fell silent as he continued to trace Ratio’s palm lines. “This is your head line,” he started, tracing the line that spanned through his hand. “It represents how you learn and communicate. Like your life line, yours is very straight, indicating more cynicality and intelligence than creativity.”

“Naturally.”

Ratio could imagine him doing this as a boy. Perhaps he paraded around his village.. Or camp, perhaps that was a better word, looking for people that had a few minutes to spare. Aventurine’s brows knitted down at his hands, and before Ratio could ask what that meant, the Avgin looked up at him. “Doc, I’m sorry if I made the whole – your – I didn’t mean to make it about me.” 

Aventurine was a hard person to understand at times. “You did not do that. You were simply displaying genuine concern and care for a friend.” In a sense, he felt that it affected Aventurine more than it affected him. The guilt must’ve been terrible if he truly believed such a thing to be his fault. 

Hm. This must’ve been anxious perfectionism. 

Ratio flashed him a quick smile. “I’m not upset with you. You’re welcome to keep reading my palms.” 

“Just one, babe.” 

“Right.” 

Aventurine turned back down to his palms and tilted his head. “Do you remember yesterday–”

“Probably not, no.” 

That was meant to be amusing, but it made Aventurine’s posture fall. Zero points. “I called you Veri, do you remember that? Is that okay?”

In a less crowded environment, in a home that smelt like his, everything felt okay in some sense. He recalled what he had said at the bar – maybe he didn’t want to be called Veritas by the flirty Aventurine. “It’s okay, if you like it.”

“If I like it, huh?” Aventurine smirked up at him and Ratio tugged on the hand he was holding. 

“Don’t make it weird. What do these other lines say about me – does this one say I like baths?”

Aventurine giggled and shuffled closer to Ratio so that their sides were touching. This was endlessly comforting. Ratio could feel his breathing, and it was fine, and it wasn’t uncomfortable. Not uncomfortably domestic. Strange. “This is your heart line, which describes your romantic life.”

“Does it remark on my atrocious love life?”

“Is it really that bad?” Aventurine turned up to look at him – somewhere in between a glance of surprise and something else Ratio couldn’t understand. But he didn’t know how to answer, so he just shrugged.

Aventurine cleared his throat as he turned back down. “All of your palm lines are really straight. Your heart line also describes your emotional intelligence. This line is shorter, indicating that you show love through actions over words and value independence.”

“What does it say about my heart?” Ratio said, caring more about his physical health.

“It says you have a lovely, healthy heart, which you can credit to your athleticism and proper diet.”

Ratio furrowed his brows. “Aventurine, it does not say all of that.”

Aventurine smiled at his palm and tilted his head. “It makes it more interesting if you lie a little.”

Ratio still found this incredibly interesting. Not because it was accurate – who cares, but because it was Aventurine: more importantly, Aventurine’s culture. That was more or less lost, given that he was the only one left. He wondered if Aventurine was the only person in Asdana who would only ever read the left hand. And then he wondered what the Mother Goddess’ palm lines said about her life, her intellect, and her romantic endeavors.

“That’s all I’m gonna read for now. You have that meeting.”

“What?” Ratio blinked. The thought of entertaining more IPC idiots was almost enough to bring back his headache.

Aventurine stood up, leaving Ratio’s hand and side feeling awfully cold. “With Dr. Elune, remember? She wanted to speak with you. And I’d like for it to go well, which you probably won’t have any issues with.”

“Oh.” That was right. Because he was less IPC. Less money hungry and evil. Aventurine was neither of those things and it constantly left Raito wondering why he was a part of such a disgusting faction. “I’ll get ready.”

Ratio had been invited to the most bleak and boring office in all of Edo Star for this meeting. Oh well. Dr Elune sat in front of him, a cup of water to her side, and her long black hair tied back into a ponytail. “Thank you for meeting with me, Dr. Ratio. I know you don’t feel particularly well.”

Ratio rose a brow. “Who said that?”

“Your colleague – he just mentioned it in passing. Do you feel.. Uh, fine, then?” 

He dismissed her with a hand. But it was nice of Aventurine to think about him. 

The woman sat forward in her chair, seeming nervous. “I’ve given it a lot of thought,” started Dr. Elune, hands crossed over themselves as she looked up to him. She cleared her throat, lifting her hands up to her face to remove her glasses – round, tinted green. Ratio noticed now that she had just a whisper of green highlights in her black hair, only now visible by the cynical office lights hanging above them. “I don’t think I want to be scheduling these meetings anymore.”

“Hm.” Ratio leaned back in his seat. He was wearing one of his better suits with golden accents, left hand adorned with a single ring on his middle finger. It caught the light and he moved it into his pocket – Aventurine’s jewelry tended to blind him. He wasn’t looking to do the same to Dr. Elune. 

There was something in his pocket that he didn’t recognize, and as he pulled it out, he squinted at it. A poker chip, one of Aventurine’s. He’d picked it up off the hotel floor the night he moved to Edo Star. It was an easy tool, one that reminded him why he was here, why he was chosen for the job and why he was fortunate enough to work alongside Aventurine so frequently.

His thumb grazed across the engravings as he moved the chip back into his pocket. He returned his attention to Dr. Elune, whose pointed ears stuck out from behind her black hair. Ratio paused. “Are you from Edo Star?”

Ratio, under the brutally honest light of the office, seemed to notice her softening. For the first time. “I am.”

“I never would’ve guessed from your name.”

Dr. Elune leaned back in her chair as well. She let out a breath, seeming relaxed – Ratio had never seen this from her before. She was always so.. Tense. Ratio hadn’t even realized how much he pitied her. “I was doing a lot of humanitarian work for Jarilo-VI after the Stellaron crisis. I’m not sure if you’re familiar..” she paused, giving him room to speak, and when he didn’t, she let her gloved hands fall to her lap. “They have a hard time pronouncing certain names. This little girl from the Underworld helped me create a moniker.”

“It ended up sticking when I landed at the Herta Space Station - my efforts on Belobog were what gave me a chance to work there, and everyone already knew me as Dr. Liora Elune.”

Ratio rested his cheek on his close fist. “What’s your real name, then?”

Dr. Elune smiled. Again, for the first time. “Emiko Yoshida.”

“That is quite the beautiful name. It’s a shame things worked out the way they did – I’ve been to the Herta Space Station. They have quite the variety of characters there.” 

The two talked on about the Herta Space Station, about Ruan Mei (it had seemed that they were both present on the ship during her visit,) and more importantly, about the IPC. How uncomfortable Dr. Elune was to give them the rights to her technology, how she knew what they were going to do with it. “Are you familiar with Topaz?” she asked.

“A little more than I’d like to be.”

“She ultimately withdrew from Belobog, but she had gone to them to collect this.. Massive debt that eons-old predecessors of Belobog had accumulated. And, from what I’ve gathered, she asked like it wasn’t a problem. If they didn’t give her – well, the IPC – the money, the IPC would ultimately garner control over the planet.”

Ratio waved a hand gently. “I’m familiar.”

“Right. And I’m just not comfortable giving up technology that is so likely to be abused like that.” She leaned forward to sip from her cup of water. “And this is a huge reason why I wanted to speak with you, Dr. Ratio,”

“You can call me Veritas.”

“-Veritas, because I know you’ll understand the ethical issues here.”

In the car, once Aventurine closed the door to the passenger’s side, he moved his hands up to rub his face. Ratio pressed a knuckle to his lip as he looked out the window, watching as Dr. Elune made a final exchange with an IPC representative and stepped into her car. She smiled again. Aventurine cleared his throat. “Doc.” 

Ratio reached down to start the car. He focused his attention on Aventurine for a moment, having to draw back a strand of his hair that was blocking his vision. “Yes?”

“What was that?” Aventurine asked with a sputter of a laugh, hands flailing out in front of him as he turned to the doctor. “We were getting so close to getting that technology and now we are literally further away than when we started.”

“Hm.” Ratio glanced at the screens on his car, and when it was clear, pulled out of the parking spot. 

Aventurine remained silent for a bit longer. “Yeah, so, what the fuck?”

“She doesn’t want to give it to you. I think you need to start learning how to take ‘no’ for an answer.” 

Aventurine’s mouth dropped, and out of the corner of Ratio’s eye he could see the gambler’s face contort. Anger. Genuine anger. And before he could say anything, Ratio turned to him. Aventurine grabbed Ratio's jaw and turned him back towards the road, crossing his arms and turning to look out the window. He muttered something under his breath.

“Speak up.”

“I know how to take ‘no’ for an answer. Thanks.”

As Ratio’s car fell into the natural order that was Meiji traffic, he set it onto self drive and leaned back in his seat. “Why does this matter so much to you? You’ll come across better technology, I’m sure.”

Ratio knew this was unlikely. But he had also noticed that lying when people were angry or stressed tended to mitigate their anger. Aventurine huffed, arms still crossed, still ignoring Ratio.

“Alright.” Ratio turned back towards the street and watched the traffic. He waited for Aventurine to say something. 

Naturally, this meant silence until they returned to Ratio’s home.

Chapter Text

Ratio was the first person to step inside. Aventurine, in the midst of his fit, stayed in the car. Ratio’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out, ready for Aventurine to say something like “I’m never talking to you again,” or “I’m going to run in the street,” or “I’m going to come inside to kill you in 30 seconds.”

This was all idiotic. Especially given that Aventurine was giving him the silent treatment. And that it wasn’t Aventurine who had messaged him. It was Dr. Liora Elune.

Thank you so much for what you did for me today. I won’t forget it. 

This was refreshing. She continued typing. I would love to get coffee with you sometime, as friends of course. It’s started to get really hard for me to find like-minded people in Asdana. 

That sounds great. I’ll have to check my schedule and get back to you. 

The idea of having a friend that wasn’t constantly upset at him for one reason or another felt quite freeing. 

But he missed Aventurine, even if he was only briefly absent. He turned to open the door and the light in front of his porch flickered on. The night had crept up on them on the silent drive home, and now Aventurine was sitting at the very bottom step in the dark.

Ratio huffed. His shoes clicked against the stairs as he moved down them to sit next to Aventurine, who had his head cradled in his hands. 

The two sat in silence for a while. The light flickered off. It must’ve been too still. “Come inside,” Ratio said after a few moments, “it’s cold.”

“Ratio.” Aventurine’s hands fell. He looked tired, hair disheveled, like he had been pulling at it. “I told you I wanted this to go well. I told you.”

Had he? Ratio didn’t remember. Maybe it was last night when he could barely remember the planet he was on. “It didn’t go unwell. It just didn’t go in your favor.”

“Would you stop making me feel like that?” Aventurine whipped his face up to look – no, glare at him. 

But Ratio did not understand this. “Like what?”

“In the car – you said I didn’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer. Which was really fucked up by the way and I’m really angry at you for saying that. Like – sometimes I feel like you just blatantly neglect situational context.”

Ratio blinked. He still did not understand how he was making Aventurine feel. This was notably the worst part of friendship. And Aventurine still had grievances! “I don’t know why you all the sudden care so much about ethics.”

“I have always cared about ethics. Perhaps you have not been observant enou-”

“Doc, shut the fuck up and let me keep talking.”

Wow.

Ratio stilled. Aventurine also stilled, seeming surprised by himself. The only person who had ever had the balls to say that to him was his mother. And she didn’t even have balls. 

Ratio turned away and stared at the distant lights on the street. Oh, he could be quiet. He could be so aggressively quiet. Aventurine would forget the sound of his voice. And it would be outright deserved. 

The irritation began to fester. He did not want to have a screaming match with Aventurine. But he would’ve absolutely deserved it for the attitude. How fucking rude. How dare he. “Are you going to keep talking or did you just want to swear at me?”

Aventurine faltered. Ratio did not feel bad for him this time. “I’m sorry.” 

“I am not going to talk to you like a hormonal teenager,” Ratio stood up and the lights flickered on again. “Get up.”

The gambler stood up. Ratio couldn’t tell if he was scared, but he didn’t really care (he definitely did, but refused to admit any form of weakness in such an infuriating moment.) Once Aventurine was up, staring at him, waiting for him to speak, Ratio simply gestured towards the door with malice. Aventurine’s lips parted to speak, and then he ultimately walked inside. 

Ratio watched as he closed the door. He turned, reaching his hands up to remove his laurel and then ran his fingers through his hair. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up his least favorite contact.

He paced around his driveway. He could handle this himself. He was an adult now.

The phone rang anyway. Maybe she wouldn’t even pick up. That would make this decision significantly easier.

Ratio had been the one to call her, so he shouldn’t have been disappointed when she answered. Right? Maybe? He held the phone up to his ear and basked in the momentary silence. 

“Hello Mother.”

“Veri-Berri, my sweet baby boy!” 

Ratio cringed. But his mother had taught him how to use a spoon, so he refused to say anything about her horrendous nicknames. “I am having an interpersonal problem. I was hoping you could be of some aid.”

“You do not call me Mommy anymore. Why is that?” The doctor rubbed his face and sighed, and his mother laughed on the other end. “I can leave now and be on my way, Veri-Berri.”

“That won’t be necessary, Mother. I can accept your help over the phone.”

“What should I bring? I can bring your frog bed sheets, I’m sure you miss them!”

Ratio shut his eyes. This was a mistake. “Please do not show up at my house.”

“I can make you soup!”

“Mommy, please listen to me.”

His mother gasped in joy. “There we go! You’re never too smart and sophisticated for your mother!”

He definitely should’ve just dealt with this himself. “My friend is upset with me, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. How may I go about fixing this?”

The other line went quiet, and he could hear the shuffling of her chair. She was walking around her home. This was how she thought. 

Hm. This was how Ratio thought as well, he realized. He looked up to the windows of his home to see if he could see any movement. “I am glad you have friends, Veri-Berri.”

Right. She would definitely not be any help. 

Maybe his next contact could be Dr. Elune. Topaz, too, as a last resort. Or maybe he could just be the adult he was and deal with it himself. His mother began to ramble about the politics on his home planet. She didn’t have any friends herself – why did he think she’d know how to fix this?

He inhaled gently as he watched the living room light turn off. “That sounds terrible, Mother, but I must be going.”

It took him another ten minutes to end the call. Aventurine may have fallen asleep right now. He ran up the steps, opened the door, and stepped into the living room. Aventurine had tossed his suit jacket on the counter instead of hanging it up. This was against the original draft of the house rules: no mess. 

He hung it up anyway and decided not to make a fuss about it as he moved into the guest room, where Aventurine had been reading a book on his bed. It was an odd sight, but he had left the door slightly open.. So he didn’t feel like he was intruding.

The gambler set the book on his chest and stared up at the ceiling. Ratio took a stride forwards, setting himself down on the edge of the bed and watched Aventurine watch the ceiling.

Ratio’s eyes flickered to the book. How to Show Them You Care.

Aventurine sighed. His hair fell a little off his forehead, in a way that would’ve looked odd on anyone else. But he still looked pretty. Aventurine bit his cheek, and then spoke. “I’m sorry I swore at you.”

“I forgive you.” 

Ratio didn’t say anything else. Partially because he didn’t know what to say but mainly because he knew better. Aventurine placed a playing card in the book to mark his spot. This was endearing. That was very Aventurine of him. Aventurine folded his hands in his lap and turned away. Silence hit them again. 

Ratio cleared his throat. “I am sorry that I mishandled the meeting with Dr. Elune.”

Aventurine rose a hand to rub his face. “I can’t ask you to ignore your morals for me.”

“If it was for you, I would not have thrown the meeting. It is for the IPC. Liora and I had a very insightful discussion about it.”

When Aventurine stayed quiet, Ratio spoke up again. “Was that technology for you?” 

“It’s for the IPC. I could’ve used it.”

“For what?”

Aventurine shrugged. But clearly he knew, clearly he had thought about it, so why couldn’t he share? “I just don’t really wanna talk about this anymore.”

The last time he had asked to be left alone, he said that that wasn’t really true.. Did the same thing apply? When did he say the opposite of what he meant? And Ratio had said a couple of times that he didn’t want to discuss something and then turned around and did it anyway. Goodness. 

This was much better than being alone, so he would tolerate it. “Would you like to.. Um.. have some food?”

Aventurine smiled and held up the book. “Your love language is acts of service.”

“I see you’ve read chapter 5.” Something about Aventurine’s acknowledgement was alarming. The book explicitly said that love languages were used to “show affection.” Was affection inherently romantic? Ratio tensed. “So no food, then?”

“I’m not super hungry.”

“But you haven’t eaten dinner.”

Aventurine tilted his head, leaving a couple of strands of hair to fall to the side. His hairspray had stopped working as effectively. “I usually don’t eat dinner anyway.”

This was a consistent issue for Ratio. “House rules.”

“Enough with the house rules. That’s not even on there.”

Ratio stood and started into the kitchen, opening up the fridge. He could make something light. Perhaps a salad. Or he could make something with a disgusting amount of whipped cream. 

He only knew Aventurine had followed him because he suddenly felt arms wrapping around his torso and a cheek pressed up against his back. This was a significantly greater touch. Maybe it was too much? But it didn’t feel like too much. Maybe he was okay with too much. “I am making salad.”

“Thank you sweetheart.”

That was a nice name – softer, more gentle (although he definitely was not complaining about being called ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ anymore.) Ratio reached over to grab a knife so that he could chop up the proper ingredients. Aventurine’s hands on his stomach were only minorly (majorly) distracting.

Ratio breathed in for the sake of clearing his mind. “I’ve been meaning to ask – do you feel infantilized by the curfew?” 

Aventurine shook his head against Ratio’s back. 

Well. He wanted more of an answer. But that was a nice feeling, so he would accept it for now. “I need to open the fridge.”

“So you hate me.”

“No, honey. I just want to finish your food.”

Aventurine’s arms fell and he stepped away. Ratio opened the fridge and turned with two dressings in hand, but before he could ask for Aventurine’s preference, he paused. The gambler was smiling like an idiot to himself, but he also seemed a little distant. It was a strange combination. “Have I done something wrong?”

Aventurine shook his head and inhaled. “No – I mean, no – like–”

“The filler word, ‘like,’ is ba–” 

“Stop! Don’t ruin it.”

Ratio shut his mouth. Aventurine tapped the bottle in Ratio’s left hand. The sweeter dressing, which Ratio should’ve just assumed anyway. “You may eat from the bowl, unless you would like me to plate it. Actually, I think I will plate it–”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to make an extra dish.”

Ratio turned to Aventurine. He was conflicted. Aventurine deserved the extra dish and the presentation, nothing less, but before he could argue Aventurine scooped up the bowl in his hands anyway. 

He had forgotten his dressing, though, so Ratio held it out to him. Aventurine still seemed a little.. Dazed. It was unsettling. “Did I do something?” He asked again, frowning. 

“It’s an Avgin thing.”

Intriguing! How fantastic it was to be able to learn about lost culture and his friend at the same time! “Do share.”

Aventurine breathed in and dumped a disgusting amount of dressing on his salad. So much for a light, healthy salad. “It’s silly.”

“It’s your culture. It’s not silly.”

Aventurine gave him the lightest, most gentle smile he had ever seen. He was breaking Ratio’s point system. He was unaware he could reward more than ten points. “It’s also how my Synesthesia Beacon interprets it. It’s just – that word,”

“Honey?”

“Yeah. It’s a term of really high endearment. You say that to someone you have high regards for. Like a mother to her son, or an exchange between lovers.” Aventurine, after seeing Ratio falter, quickly added, “it can be between good friends too.”

“I see.”

“I hope that isn’t weird.”

“Why would it be weird?” 

Aventurine shrugged sheepishly and moved to mix up his salad. Ratio cleared his throat. “Do you want me to not call you that?”

“No – it’s.. Like, it reminds me of home, I guess.. I just want you to know that it means more than just, like.. A nice name to me.”

Ratio nodded, entirely uncertain if this meant he should use it sparingly or not. “Okay. Noted.”

After Aventurine had finished his salad, and practically begged for Ratio to come sleep in his bed (which he “reluctantly” agreed to,) the two sat huddled over How to Show Them You Care. Aventurine, in the midst of being huddled in Ratio’s arms, pointed up at the section they were reading about physical touch. “I think this is me.”

Now that he was saying this moments after begging to be held, Ratio found these words unnecessary. “Perhaps.”

Aventurine held his finger up to read the section about identifying one’s own love language: “see, look – ‘feels the most loved when physically touching their partner.. Seeks out physical touch frequently through hugging or otherwise touching their partner..’ I do that!”

“Mhm.” 

“I think I also like the quality time one too. There’s also a section on the acknowledgement of life and struggle in Chapter 6, I resonate with that one.”

“You’ve read ahead.”

“Yea, I’m a good student.” Aventurine turned to grin up at him. His head was on Ratio’s arm and it was beginning to severely cut off the doctor’s circulation. Oh well. He could amputate his arm later. Aventurine turned back to the book and yawned. 

Ratio watched in the corner of his eye as Aventurine’s eyelids fluttered shut. Aventurine turned, pressing his cheek against Ratio’s chest and breathing him in. This meant there was no more weight on his arm, and that he would be able to keep it another day. Ratio turned to Chapter 6. 

“Hey,” Aventurine murmured against him.

“Yes?”

“I just.. Wanna say thanks.”

“For?”

“Letting me talk about home,” he said, and Ratio closed the book, inserting the playing card in his spot from before. He moved his hands up to cradle Aventurine’s back. “A lot of people kinda reject it.”

“I don’t see why.”

Aventurine shrugged, and Ratio moved up a hand to card his fingers through his hair. The gambler hummed contentedly, and Ratio could feel his lips curve up into a smile against his skin. “And for the curfew.”

Ratio paused, his hand stilling, and Aventurine shuffled against him to press him on. When Ratio continued, he asked: “what do you mean?”

“I like being cared for like that. Like you feel responsible for me. I know I can handle myself. Pretty well, if I do say so myself,” Aventurine yawned again. “But it’s easy to kinda.. Get lost, I guess. Mentally. Forget to eat, and you always remind me, or forget to be safe, and you remind me of that too. Erm.. sorry, I know that was kind of a.. Weird way to put that, like, structurally.”

The filler word ‘like’ did not bother him. “Not weird at all.” 

Chapter Text

Ratio only managed to get a couple of hours of sleep. At least it was peaceful.

He woke up from the sudden cold. First, the emptiness next to him, the movement of the bedsheets. Aventurine consoled him, and he mindlessly fell back asleep. This was until the balcony door opened, and Aventurine, not having closed the door to the bedroom, had no way to block the rush of air that crept into the guest room. 

Ratio’s eyes opened. He heard the balcony door close, slowly, carefully, quietly, but he heard it. He stood – neglecting his stretches, for the sake of safety – and pulled the guest room door fully open before heading to meet Aventurine on the balcony. 

The poor boy was trembling. Ratio stepped forward to get a better look at him – huddled into himself, shivering like he was freezing (which he probably was,) looking off somewhere Ratio couldn’t see. 

Ratio bent down in front of him, trying to meet his level as he shivered in the chair with his legs pulled to his chest. This was unfortunate. This was not strong. Aventurine spared a glance – albeit a quick one, and Ratio understood. 

This was not Aventurine. This was an unnamed, scared little boy, who had not yet been claimed a hero by the IPC. He was stuck, somewhere between a dream and reality. And Ratio had no idea how to help him. 

He drew a hand forward to pull some sweat-slicked hair out of Aventurine’s eyes, and he jumped. His lips parted, and he breathed, terrified. 

“It was only a dream,” Ratio offered, and this was enough for tears to start streaming down Aventurine’s cheeks. Surely he had missed something here. It was so okay a few moments ago – they were reading, yeah. And Aventurine was thanking him. But this couldn’t have been the same person. 

“It’s over now.” There was a definitive gentleness to his voice. “You’re safe, okay?” 

Aventurine didn’t respond. He went back to somewhere distant. Behind him, in the guest room, Ratio saw a figure in his peripheral. Seeming loosely familiar, but it was too dark for him to see anything. 

He squinted. Aventurine breathed in. “Doc..”

Ratio’s eyes shot back, figure forgotten, and Aventurine had all of his attention again. “Yes?”

“I can’t.”

Ratio grabbed a hold of one of his hands, and Aventurine took a breath, his legs slowly moving down so that his feet touched the ground and not the seat of the chair. “What can’t you do, sweetheart?”

Aventurine pursed his lips, finally making eye contact, defeated, but somehow better. Not shaking, calmer, and Ratio was praying that the mask was not back on because he could not let this be. He thought. He thought for a long, painful while.

And then he breathed in, messing with the bottom of his shirt. “My life is stupid.”

Ratio reached for the other chair and drew it forward, so that their knees would touch when he sat. “Why do you say that?”

Aventurine pressed his fisted hands up to his mouth. Ratio reached forward, grabbing one of his hands to intertwine their fingers. 

He examined the other man’s hands, squinting down at them. “You have low iron and a vitamin deficiency.” 

“..what?”

“You may also have anemia.”

Aventurine’s other hand rose to cradle his cheek, and he watched Ratio examine him. A light, tired smile adorned his features, and then he breathed in. “Ratio.”

Ratio’s eyes flickered up to meet Aventurine’s. Was he upset – had he done something wrong in saying that? Aventurine called him that when he was angry. 

Or maybe it was when he was serious. The gambler huffed, turning away. He was scared of vulnerability. Ratio had been able to gather this. 

Aventurine hadn’t said anything. But he clearly had meant to, and the unspoken words lingered in the air so close that Ratio could taste them. “You can talk to me.”

“I know,” he tilted his head to the side, expression flattening. 

“So why are you inhibiting yourself? I am sure that talking about the things that are bothering you can inhibit the pain you’re experiencing.”

Aventurine wavered. “I can’t have you know me like that.”

“There is nothing wrong with who you actually are, Aventurine.” 

“It’s Kakavasha.”

Ratio stilled. Aventurine turned back to look at him, all small and meak with a trembling lip, in a way that was actually starting to scare Ratio. Not scare him into a sense of disgust, but scare him in a sense that he was beginning to realize Aventurine’s case was.. Well, much worse than he’d originally thought. He spoke then, not with his words, but with his eyes. Ratio drew in a breath and nodded. 

They remained quiet together, Ratio looking just past Aventurine and Aventurine looking out into the night sky. Minutes – although they felt like hours – of solemn silence took up the otherwise cynical and bleak space of Ratio’s balcony. 

Aventurine had brought emotion into his house, he realized. Life. Humanity. Realness. 

The poor boy drew back into his chair, sulking, removing his hand from Ratio’s grasp as he shamelessly drew the other man’s attention back to him. “It’s easier for me to never talk about it,” he said gently, not meeting Ratio’s eyes, because he was right. It was easier to deflect, to ignore, to pretend things didn’t happen. This also meant pretending Ratio wasn’t there. “To be absent.”

“And I don’t think that you deserve that.. I don’t think it’s fair, so..” 

“This is not about me,” Ratio interjected, raising a brow, but Aventurine dismissed him with a hand.

“It’s getting really exhausting, hiding. Because I know you’re trying to get to me, and I don’t want that.”

Ratio turned away from him. He hadn’t meant for it to be obvious. But he knew it must hurt Aventurine to never be his true self – or to only let his true self peek through. And he had done that countless times. With the whipped cream, with the books, that one night where Ratio thought he fucked up. “Whoever you are won’t scare me away.”

“I know that,” Aventurine mumbled, pulling further away from Ratio so that their knees were no longer touching. Perhaps the real Aventurine’s love language wasn’t touch. This was something he’d need to consider. “But you can’t know.”

“Okay.”

It was oddly quiet, considering they were outside. Usually there would be engines, maybe the whistle of wind as it flowed through the trees, anything. But it was silent. “It’s more comfortable to pretend to be someone else. It’ll inhibit our..” Aventurine struggled for a moment. “Friendship.”

“Right.”

Aventurine spared him a glance and then looked back into the distant world he seemed so trapped in. “But if I look back into my life, and see that it wasn’t just another nightmare – that I didn’t imagine it all – it’ll break me.” 

Ratio hesitated. He was stuck at a crossroad: to pity, or to let live. 

“Just this feels like too much,” Aventurine added softly, pressing his lips together and shuffling. His voice cracked. But he wouldn’t cry, Ratio knew this. He would have to keep pretending. This person – this hero he’d made – did not cry. 

“Kakavasha is a lovely name. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Aventurine whispered, sniffling, his face red. “I miss him.”

After Aventurine had shed a single tear, he adjusted his mask. Cracked a joke. Made it light again, and although Ratio still ached for him he pretended that it worked. That he was under the spell again, that Aventurine was fine. He could pretend Aventurine was fine if that would help him believe. 

He rejected the food Ratio had offered him on the basis of not being hungry – this was fair, given the fact that Ratio had already made him salad a few hours earlier. Aventurine said that for the sake of his sanity (for the sake of keeping his mask intact) that he wanted to sleep alone for the rest of the night. Ratio didn’t draw a blanket over him or wish him goodnight. He was not a boy. He had to be treated like a Stoneheart. Not like Kakavasha. 

Ratio settled in his office chair. He would not sleep tonight. He knew this. 

He hadn’t cried for such a long time that the stinging of his cheeks felt foreign to him. When his throat tightened, he worried that he might’ve had a sudden onset of asthma, and when his heart ached, he wondered if there were issues with his arteries. When the tears fell, and he reached up to touch them, feeling the warmth of his skin, he felt lost. 

Aventurine was always surrounded by people. But he was so alone. Ratio’s lip trembled, like he was a boy again, and each time he tried to stop, tried to think of ways that this was okay, it got worse. He didn’t have tissues in his office. He never needed them, and he just did not know what to do.  

He did not know how to cry, how to accept what Aventurine had said. How to pretend it was okay, just like how Aventurine was doing, because it was not okay. He could not do this to himself. 

The dark office was illuminated, even if only for a moment, by the glittering presence of Black Swan. She reached into the air, and a handkerchief appeared just as she had done moments before. Ratio could barely see – everything was blurry – but he could loosely make out the handkerchief, how it matched Black Swan’s veil, how she drew it forward to press it against his cheeks. 

She had the most gentle touch. Her hand was warm as she pressed it to his jaw to access his other cheek. She wiped him free of his tears with such professionalism that he wondered if this was part of a Memokeeper’s job. If they were trained for this.

Black Swan drew back, gazing at him through the depths of her eyes. Ratio opened his mouth, he tried to speak, but his throat felt empty. It wasn’t like he knew what to say, anyway. It wasn’t like there was anything to say. 

He tried to collect himself. She was here because she needed something from him. He reached his hands up to wipe away his tears, only for more to take their place. Poor, sweet Kakavasha. He had forgotten who he was. He didn’t recognize himself anymore. Forced to become this person – this machine he didn’t even recognize. This machine who was okay with being drugged, okay with being used or stabbed in the back or struck by an Emanator. This machine was fine gambling his life away, because he saw no value in it anymore, because–

Black Swan put a hand on his shoulder. With her other hand, she grabbed a hold of Ratio’s and stood, beckoning him to follow, and he did. His legs felt weak. 

She put him to bed, like she would’ve done a little boy. She kept her eyes on the city from the windows of Ratio’s room as he changed into his pajamas. She set a candle alight on the nightstand, illuminating the room with fake warmth, filling it with the smell of linen. She drew open Ratio’s bed sheets, and when he laid down, and the blankets were drawn over him again, he shut his eyes.

“Thank you,” said the unmighty Dr. Veritas Ratio, as his tick tucked him into bed and pressed a kiss to the top of his forehead. 

When he woke the next morning, neglected his stretches and opened the door, the house felt empty. He didn’t need to check Aventurine’s room to know that he wasn’t there. Off to a meeting, most likely, off to pretend to be someone he wasn’t for the sake of business.  

When he turned back to his bedroom, he noticed the candle had been put out. How long had the Memokeeper stayed after he had fallen asleep? Had she watched him sleep – had she disappeared the moment she saw him stir in disagreement with the morning sunlight?

He swallowed. His throat was sore, and his eyes were swollen. Crying was so foreign. So strange. He vowed to never do it again as he raised his hand to check his phone.

1 missed call from Mother. He drew in a breath. First, he would text the Memokeeper. And then he would call his mother. Two very difficult things to bring himself to do.

I am sorry that I was not in a helpful state last night. I hope whatever issue was occurring has been resolved.

The Memokeeper responded so quickly that Ratio was beginning to wonder if she was waiting for his message.

It has, only partially. A good night’s sleep does wonders for the mind. 

I also apologize for my inhibited state the last night you came to me. I hope that issue was resolved as well.

She did not respond to that. 

Ratio only had a matter of time to call his mother – he had a class to teach today. He, too, would have to wear a mask to teach this class. Solely to hide his raging thoughts and fear for Kakavasha. In the car, he swallowed hard, prayed to Nous (which, again, was not an acceptable form of Pathstriding) that it would be a quick call, and dialed his mother on the car’s system.

“Hello Mother.”

“You missed my call!”

“I was asleep.”

His mother began drabbling on about her gardener, how great he was doing with the flowers and how amazing the vines were looking as they crept up the house. Ratio cleared his throat. “Mother,”

“Yes honey?”

Honey. Did his mother know she was engaging in Avgin culture? “My friend is upset. I do not know what to do.”

She fell silent. He heard her walking around. Maybe she’d help this time. Just maybe. 

She gasped. “He’s planting my begonias now!”

“Mother.”

“Oh, they are such beautiful shades of pink!”

Ratio trembled. He would not cry again. This was unlike him. He had not unlocked some sort of secret to emotional expression. He would keep his cortisol in his body and neglect to release it like he had learned to do. “I’ll be going now.”

“Wait, but–”

“No, Mother,” he said through gritted teeth, “you are supposed to help me.”

“What..?”

“You are supposed to be there for me!” He yelled. He had yelled at his mother. And oddly, he did not want to stop, as his fingers clenched the wheel to the car he was barely even controlling. “You are supposed to guide me when I feel lost, and you don’t! You’re terrible at it!”

His mother fell silent. He could imagine her. She would look hurt, small, frail, and a little too much like him. “Veritas, I didn’t mean–”

“You’ve said enough! You’ve meant enough.” He paused. He did not want to be this person, but she deserved it. She absolutely deserved it and he felt like such a teenager for thinking so. “I will call you later. I have a long day ahead of me.”

He did not say goodbye. He did not say I love you (which he rarely said anyway.) 

He just hung up. 

Chapter Text

For once in his life, Veritas Ratio enjoyed his office hours.

It was much easier to ignore the nagging man in his head in the face of a brilliant student. He had a couple — they became easier to see throughout the school year as the imbeciles who were under the impression that academia should be easy filtered themselves out of the class. 

Okay. As a more idiotic student left his office he realized that he did, indeed, dislike his office hours. He still wished that they were not mandatory, but he wished for many things in academia.

For example, he wished that the librarian left him alone on his lunch break as he dug into a salad. “Veritas, you have three books due tomorrow. I expect you’ll return them?”

“I have never returned a book late,” he paused, a leafy green dangling from his mouth as he hovered over his plate. “However,” Ratio drew a napkin up to wipe his face, “I would like to extend those. I’m writing a paper.”

“Interesting paper,” said the old woman with a grumble, shutting the door and stepping away with her book cart hovering behind her.

Ratio turned back to his desk to open up his computer. In the reflection of the monitor, he saw a light shimmer, followed by the smell of caramel. “How’s your paper on – what is it, delicate people?”

“I haven’t started it.” Ratio drew a hand to his mouth to cover it while he chewed, opening up his favorite literary vending website. He had grazed over the words Self Help that stood among the genres listed at the top, but he had never clicked them. He did not need help. But he clicked on it today, and leaned forward to squint at the titles. 

“You’ve been squinting more at your computer. It might help to schedule an appointment with your eye doctor.”

Ratio watched the Memokeeper in the reflection of his monitor before focusing his attention back on the list of books before him. “You mentioned wanting to speak to me a few days ago, and you never did.”

Black Swan drew out a sigh and stepped closer, kneeling down near the desk and cradling her head with her arms. “I have learned a lot about that Cremator in the last couple of days. Now that the situation is under control, the Garden sees no reason to continue to update unaffiliated factions – like Dr. Veritas Ratio.” 

He turned to her with a raised brow. This meant seeing her on the floor, feeling immense guilt – well. Less guilt. More the ever audible sound of his mother’s nagging in his ear about how it was “rude to not offer your seat to a lady, Veritas.”

Ratio stood, turned the chair towards her wordlessly, and loomed over his desk as he surveyed the titles. Black Swan phased into the chair with a smirk that he could barely see in his peripheral. 

Dealing With The Past might be a helpful book for Aventurine. For Kakavasha, rather, so that Aventurine would be able to mend him. Or – maybe Baby Steps might be better. Aventurine wasn’t ready to change, it seemed. 

Ratio shook his head. Baby Steps was infantilizing. He added Dealing With The Past to his cart and, when Black Swan rolled his chair over to better see the screen, shut his eyes in frustration. When he opened them, Black Swan had the mouse hovering over another book. Accepting Vulnerability.

“Oh.” Ratio blinked, huddling closer. Suddenly, they were an unspoken team, looming over a computer together like two children watching something on the internet that they shouldn’t be. “You’re actually helpful when you want to be.”

“Wow, thanks.” Black Swan turned away with her arms crossed. 

Ratio scrolled down the pages a little, opening the tab that detailed Healing: The World’s Most Nonlinear Process. He blinked, and then added it to his cart. This was enough. Three books. Yeah. 

And then he paused. Damn galactic marketing and their suggestions. In the side suggestion bar, among the countless philosophy books, stood Palm Reading, A Science of The Ages.

A science? Palm reading was not a science. Ratio scoffed.

He added it to his cart anyways. For little Kakavasha. 

Ratio had been given an estimate of an hour until the books were to arrive at his doorstep. Finally, he had a reason to stay at the Guild, get some grading done, get ahead like he usually was. His house was usually empty, his free time usually.. Well, free. But with Aventurine there, distractions were ceaseless. 

He made sure to lock his door and dim the lights. For the sake of productivity, of course. 

When the books were delivered, and Ratio ascended the steps to his home, he paused at the doorstep. The package said it was here. He had even seen the picture taken by the Intelleron delivery driver. So where the hell were his books?

Aventurine was not home yet, but his schedule indicated that he would only be a few minutes behind him. (This had nothing to do with Ratio staying in his office while his books were being delivered. Nothing at all.) 

He stepped inside. How had he left his lights on? He set his bag down on the kitchen counter as he hung up his coat, and then yelped as a figure turned the corner. He clutched his heart.

He didn’t know who he’d been expecting to see, but it was not his short, stocky little mother. “Veritas!” She cooed, running up to him to smother him in a hug. 

Ratio’s arms fell stiff aside his body. Oh, great Nous. Please take this woman away. “I am here to solve your friend problem,” she said, pulling back. Her blue hair, unlike his own, was effortlessly curled, and she had tightened it into a bun atop her head. 

Ratio stared at her. He needed his bust. He needed his bust. He needed his bust. He needed his bust. He needed–

He needed to pull it together, damn it! This was just his mother! 

“Hello, Mother.” He said, as he usually did. But his words were accidentally coated in malice. She would never hear this – she tended not to hear when Ratio growled at her through his teeth. Not even as a boy. “I nearly forgot I invited you over.” 

He didn’t, he knew he didn’t, she definitely knew he didn’t. But here she was. “Oh, I don’t need to be invited over. I let you live in my body for 9 months.”

Ratio’s eye twitched. But he supposed that he couldn’t argue with that. 

He imagined being trapped with his mother for such a long period of time again and shivered. She turned, stepped – or, waddled, actually, her limp had gotten worse – into the kitchen to open up Ratio’s package. The tape had already been ripped off. His eye twitched again. “Mother, it is incredibly impolite of you to open my packages.”

“I knew they were books! They’re from that website you always used – what’s this here?” She pulled out Dealing With The Past. “Are you writing a paper? Or – don’t tell me you’re starting another PhD!”

Even if the books weren’t for him, he felt angry. Angry that she didn’t ask if they were for him, at least acknowledge that he might have problems dealing with the past. He was not just a scholar. But when he thought further, he supposed that her reaction was appropriate.. Veritas from a few months ago was much different than Veritas now. Veritas a few months ago would’ve scoffed in the face of buying a self help book or sleeping in the same bed as a friend. 

Then, his mother stopped, removing Palm Reading, A Science of The Ages from the box. Ratio prepared. She pursed her lips, narrowing her brows as she looked down at it. “Palm Reading isn’t a science – why do you have this?”

Before Ratio could respond, the door opened and Aventurine stepped inside. He removed his hat, pressing it to his stomach, and before he could greet Ratio standing in the doorway, he paused. And then he met eyes with Ratio’s mother, and then the book in her hand. 

Aventurine blinked up to Ratio, opening his mouth to greet her, before she took all of the attention back with a gasp. “Is this the friend you’ve been having problems with?”

Ratio froze. Thankfully, Aventurine took it with utter grace as she waddled up to him to wrap him in a hug. “Oh – what a lovely smelling man!” She beamed, reaching up to squish his cheeks just like Black Swan had done. “And just so handsome!”

The doctor strode past them into the kitchen to collect the books his mother had taken from the box, only now realizing his hands were shaking under the bare kitchen light. He looked up to Aventurine, expecting to have to pull the poor boy out of the situation – but no, he was smiling, arms wrapped around his mother like it was no big deal, even teetering side to side with her.

Ratio scoffed as he turned back down to the books. Didn’t even know each other’s names.

“Oh – such beautiful eyes! What is this – this is Avlin, right?”

“Avgin, Miss,” Aventurine away pulled from the hug, keeping his arms on her shoulders. Ratio hated how much his eyes were naturally drawn to him – like a stupid curse – because it meant he had to watch Aventurine flawlessly woo his mother. “Should I call you Mrs. Ratio?”

As Aventurine said this, he didn’t look at Ratio’s mother. He looked at Ratio instead, smirking, like he knew how much this whole scenario was bothering him.

Ratio rolled his eyes and returned to sorting his books. He could alphabetize these four. It would keep him busy for another 5 seconds so he wouldn’t have to watch such a blatant display of treason. His mother reached up to pull Aventurine’s hands from his shoulders and squeeze them. “Rosamunda is okay – and you, sweet boy? What is your name?”

“Aventurine.” The gambler crossed his arms and surveyed her. “Rosamunda Ratio. Ah, I can see you’ve given our good doctor his dashing facial structure.”

Ratio flashed a glance up at Aventurine. Was that a compliment for him?

Probably not. Aventurine wasn’t looking at him. His mother held out a finger, drew away from the atmosphere and into.. The guest room, which Ratio realized was where she thought she’d be staying.  

He needed his bust. He needed his bust. He needed his bust. He needed his bust. The fog disappeared when Aventurine stepped over to him, pressing his gloved hands on the counter and leaning over. They were so close to Ratio’s. If he could just reach out and hold them, all of this stress would be gone. Yes. Thank goodness for Aventurine. “I didn’t know your mom was coming,” Aventurine said with a smile, and a slight tilt of his head.

“Me neither.” 

Aventurine’s smile dissipated, and he huffed. “So that’s what we’re dealing with, hm..”

“Unfortunately.”

Ratio, itching for a moment of connection in this suddenly cruel environment (that he was foolish enough to call home) reached for the palm reading book he had ordered and held it out to Aventurine, hoping to connect with little Kakavasha. He turned away as he did so.

He could hear the parting of Aventurine’s lips, though, and the way his grin etched its way into his breath as he took the book. “You got this for me?”

Ratio remained silent. He tried to ignore how loud his mother was in the guest room, talking to herself, dropping things on the floor, and when he drew in a sharp breath, the only thing that could calm him was turning back to Aventurine.

He was happy, albeit distant as he stared down at the book, just like he had been when Ratio called him “honey.” He briefly, in a moment of pure bliss, wondered what would happen if he doubled down and called him that now. But he didn’t, because.. Well, that would’ve been too much. Probably.

Aventurine, even if it was momentarily, fleeting, transitory, nudged Ratio’s shoulder with his nose. With Aventurine’s jawline pressed so directly against his skin, he could feel the sharpness of his bones as if they were so perfectly calculated, crafted, full of calcium and strength. Yes. Aventurine was likely meeting his calcium requirements. 

Ratio blinked. Why had he not been force feeding him vitamins this whole time?

This was a comforting moment for Ratio, too. It meant that the unmasked Aventurine was still there, just scared. He would leave the other books out on his bed.

He shut his eyes tight. Too bad he couldn’t fucking do that anymore, now that his mother was moving in. 

When his mother returned, a picture book in hand, Ratio collected his package and turned to her. “Mother, I appreciate your visit, but I fear that I am too busy to properly entertain you. You may stay the night, but then I will have to ask you to return to your own home.”

“I am here to be here for you!” Snapped his mother. He wondered if he were to call her by her first name if she would finally realize that he was a fully grown adult and not to be infantilized. “And to fix your friend problem.”

Ratio wanted to lunge at her. Aventurine’s hand, drifting loosely over his back where his mother couldn’t see, calmed him. Almost better than the bust would’ve. Well. Definitely better than the bust would’ve.

And thankfully, Aventurine charm came in handy outside of a typical business setting. “We’ll be leaving the planet soon – we’re on a whole.. It’s secret IPC business, so I can’t tell you much,” he leaned in, smirking at her, and she was absolutely smitten by this handsome young man sharing a home with her son. “And I need to stay in the guest room.”

“You two can’t share a bed?” 

Ironically his mother saw no problem in saying this. At least she hadn’t assumed they’d done so already, which would’ve been significantly worse.

His mother would stay for a night, but they had to get breakfast in the morning and take her to the station. That was the compromise. 

Fine. Fine. Fine. Ratio locked himself out on the balcony. Finefinefine. 

He tried to ignore the laughter that echoed from inside. He had a love-hate relationship with the way Aventurine was charming his mother. It gave him an edge over her – a bargaining chip (to put it Aventurine-ly) but it also gave Aventurine an edge over him. Look at me, he’d say, I get along with your mother better than you do! 

Ratio rose a hand to to bridge of his nose and pinched it. Aventurine would never say that. When his phone buzzed, he pulled it out of his pocket, nearly dropping it down off the cliff and into the street. 

Hey babe. Hope your brooding is going well out there 

It’s fine, thank you.

Looks like Mama Ratio read a book on how to be an embarrassing parent. She’s showing me baby bathtub pictures. 

The doctor’s face twisted. He thought he was strong, free of the ability to be embarrassed. (Also, he hated this Mama Ratio name. Only briefly until he remembered how Aventurine such a name was.) 

Don’t worry tho, Doc. I’m closing my eyes

Ratio stifled a smile and turned to look into the living room. Aventurine flashed a glance up at him, phone in his opposite hand. He looked down to type again as his mother went into another ramble about a picture that he couldn’t hear. 

Wanna go get boba? I wanna try it it looks tasty, we can tell Mama Ratio we’ll be doing a meeting or something super secret and mysterious. 

Absolutely. 

Chapter Text

Unfortunately, on the way out the door (after some mild convincing that there was an urgent IPC matter to attend to,) Ratio’s mother grabbed a hold of his arm. “You are forgetting something.”

Ratio leaned down to press a quick kiss to her cheek and flew out the door. The sooner that was over, the better.  

Even more unfortunate was what Aventurine had to say about this as he followed the doctor down the steps, snickering. “How come you don’t do that to me?”

Ratio’s chest tightened. It was just teasing. Just teasing. “You are not my mother.”

Adjacent to Natsuki’s sushi bar was a bright, commercial feeling boba shop. Immediately upon entering, Ratio was greeted with an unnecessary assault of bright colors that did not help calm him like Aventurine had promised.

He squinted and donned his bust, which fizzled onto his head and likely drew a tad of attention to him.

It was comfortable there, though. Quiet. 

Typically he wore this to avoid his 5 senses. But he would permit Aventurine’s hand gracing his own, wrapping around it and gently squeezing. Yes, that would be fine. He then felt an odd, hesitant knock on his temple, shielded only by an alabaster cast, and removed it. 

Ratio blinked down at bright, multicolored eyes, belonging to a man with a slightly tilted head. “If you wanna step outside, I can order for us.” 

Ratio’s eyes flicked down to their hands, which remained intertwined as they stood in the center of a mildly populated shop. People probably thought they were a couple.

He looked back to Aventurine. Did he think they were a couple?

He removed his hand for the sake of adjusting his hair, which had flattened slightly under the weight of the bust. “No, this’ll be fine.”

After the two got their drinks – a strawberry bursting boba for Aventurine and a warm brown sugar latte for Ratio – they sat outside, just in range of a sports bar so that Ratio could catch up on the local news. 

He failed. Aventurine consistently proved to be more interesting. He stabbed his drink with the straw provided for him, and, after sipping it, winced. His expression only worsened upon popping a pearl with his teeth. 

Ratio hesitated. “Is it not good?”

“No, uh–” Aventurine sipped it again and drew back, arms disappointedly crossed on the table. He frowned. “I don’t..”

The doctor pushed his own drink forward. “Try this. I think it would be more to your taste.”

He did not watch Aventurine’s lips touch the spout of the cup, just where his were. His eyes flickered away, onto the TV in the sports bar. Planet Screwllum to undergo 16 renovations in the following 6 planar rotations proceeding IPC ruling. 

Aventurine turned the cup to see what had been ordered, comparing it to his own drink. “I should’ve gotten this.”

“We can trade. I would prefer the strawberry.”

Maybe that was a fallacy. Ratio hated the bursting pearls. They felt like a blatant intrusion of his mouth and then his taste buds. But he took it anyway, drank it like it was no problem, forcing himself to swallow the pearls before they could burst and not saying anything before Aventurine could even ask him if he was sure. 

“Thanks, babygirl.”

Ratio choked. “What?”

Aventurine’s eyes glimmered, and he drew up a gloved hand to cradle his cheek. Like he was amused, watching Ratio choke on the drink he’d (not) forced him to give up. “Don’t like that one?”

“I don’t get it.”

“It’s funny.”

“Hahah.” 

Aventurine’s smile faltered and he reached out to push Ratio’s arm, leaving his skin tingling. Ratio hated this. Or.. maybe he liked it, he wasn’t sure. “Tell me it’s not funny calling masculine men ‘girl,’ or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘wife.’ You’d be an excellent wife, for example.”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Ratio’s eyes delicately flickered away to the TV again. New study suggests longevity of Xianzhou species may have more to do with their diet than originally thought.

“But it’s true!” Aventurine started, and Ratio turned back to him with a raised brow. “You’re an excellent cook, keep your house really clean, you always smell good, emotionally receptive–” Aventurine trailed off, and Ratio could’ve only assumed it was because of the blatantly obvious way all of the blood was rushing to his cheeks. Damn it. Why did Edo Star have to be so illuminated? “I could keep going.”

“That’s alright.”

Aventurine sipped his drink, and Ratio turned to the TVs again. Um.. because he was interested in the news, obviously. Young boy missing a leg encounters a tiny cat just like him.

He blinked. Is that really all they had to put on TV?

He continued to feel like a heartless animal for thinking so as he watched a clip of the tiny cat hobbling up to his new owner. Aventurine turned to see what he was looking at, and then whipped back around. “And you think cats are cute. I should absolutely be allowed to call you babygirl.” 

“I suppose if it makes you happy.”

“What a gentleman.” Aventurine smirked at him with a glitter in his eyes that Ratio refused to acknowledge. 

“But I do prefer your other ones.”

Aventurine’s smile faltered, even if it was small, as if he wasn’t expecting the.. Almost nonexistent retaliation. “So.. what’s the deal with your mom?”

Ratio turned back to him. “Meaning?”

“She was talking about a friend problem. Is that with me?”

“I have other friends.”

“But I’m your favorite.” 

Ratio huffed. “Sure.”

Aventurine was definitely his favorite. That was something he was okay with thinking. Aventurine had every reason to be his favorite friend. Maybe his best friend.. But he was sure that Aventurine already had that, being how popular he was. He stifled his frown and looked back to the TV. Grand Xianzhou festival to be deemed a success by General Jing Yuan of The Hunt. 

He turned back to Aventurine, forcing himself to sip his strawberry drink. “She has boundary issues. Very ecstatic all the time. It is often too much. She is the reason I sculpted my bust.”

“Oh – speaking of your bust. How come he’s got such short hair?”

“When I was younger, I cared slightly about my appearance, enough to ensure it was styled daily. Now I do not.”

“You don’t care about your appearance?”

Ratio pondered. “I do not put a lot of thought into how I look, aside from ensuring I have good personal hygiene and am well groomed.”

“..that sounds like more thought than most people.”

“And that is disgusting.”

Aventurine broke into a smile. “But you work out a lot, don’t you?”

“Only to ensure peak physical health.”

“Ah.” Aventurine sipped his drink. “I’ve been meaning to ask – do you think you’d be able to show me your routine? I’d like my arms to be a little more toned.”

Ratio blinked at him. There were two problems with what he had said: one, he couldn’t possibly fathom why Aventurine would want to change anything about his physical appearance. And two: 

Well. He had to imagine Aventurine all sweaty in his gym. Slick hair pushed back with his sunglasses and practically whimpered his way through push ups. Damn it. He thought he had stopped thinking that way.

He folded his arms, looking away to the TV to focus on literally anything else. Jarilo-IV hero killed in Edo Star crash. 

When he turned back to Aventurine, he breathed in to respond. And then his eyes flickered back to the TV. Edo Star’s first crash in 2 Amber Eras marks the death of Herta Space Station scholar. He stumbled over his chair, knocking it to the ground with a loud metal clanging, and raced to the sports bar to press his hands against the window. 

The TV moved to a picture of Dr. Elune on Jarilo-IV, wrapped up in a coat as she handed a small, blond girl from the Underworld a stuffed animal. Then to a local police officer. He could only read the subtitles.

We’re not sure exactly what caused the car’s traffic system to malfunction. We’ll be looking into it and hopefully keep the public updated. Rest assured, there is no reason to fear driving your own

Aventurine approached in the reflection of the bar windows, stealing Ratio’s attention, their abandoned drinks in hand as he looked up to the TVs with a frown. “Oh.. I’m.. I’m sorry, Doc.”

Ratio stared at the TV as it moved on to another story. Edo Star voting season is upon us!

He stilled. His blood ran cold. Was this – was he supposed to hear about a death like this? Was she actually dead? Had she just left the planet and not wanted the IPC to follow – that. That had to be it. He reached into his pocket, scrambling, trying to call her.

Nothing.. And nothing from the Edo Star locals, either. None of them reacted to this. Surely they should’ve cared, if not for Dr. Elune, then for the crash. Right? Right?

Ratio turned to Aventurine. Perhaps he could tell him what to feel right now. 

Aventurine stared back at him. He set the drinks down on one of the tables outside of the sports bar and wrapped Ratio in a hug. “It’s okay.”

It’s okay. Yes, obviously it was okay if Aventurine said so.

Hm. Perhaps this was the universe telling him he wasn’t allowed friends. Just like his father would’ve.. Ratio pursed his lips. Yes. Kill the woman before you can bond with her. It only makes sense. “I am fine,” he said. He found humor in this, briefly. Dr. Elune was not fine.

He blinked down at Aventurine, feeling numb. Why did he want his mother so badly all of the sudden? He hadn’t hugged Aventurine back – a rarity these days. Instead, his arms hung stiffly by his side. Only sad people gave hugs. He was not sad. This did not have any effect on him whatsoever. 

Aventurine looked up at him cautiously for some reason.

Ratio picked up their drinks and started towards the parking lot. “I would like to go home. I am tired.” He said, robotically, as if it were scripted, and Aventurine quickly caught up to him.

“Okay, Doc. No worries.”

“Do not treat me delicately. I am fine.” Yes. He was fine. She was only a coworker. Only a coworker who wanted to be his friend who he was supposed to meet tomorrow after breakfast with his mother for coffee so he could have a friend so he wouldn’t be alone and so he could know somebody so he could know somebody so he could know somebody. “I am fine.”

Aventurine still convinced him that he shouldn’t drive. As if he would break behind the wheel – why would he do that? He was fine. This did not affect him. He did not possibly care about the sweet, intelligent woman who was smart enough to develop technology sought out by the IPC and –

He paused.

The silence in the car felt different. 

In his home, he set down the two drinks – which he hadn’t let go of since picking them up – and sought out his mother, who had been sorting through his pantry. A nice, lemony smell hit the air, and suddenly, Ratio remembered how fond his home planet was of a lemony, zesty flavor. Ah.. yes. The lemon trees. All of the lemon trees grew there.. Yes. Aventurine would like it there.

Aventurine.. 

Ratio did not look at him. Oddly, he did not care that his mother was making dinner. Even more surprising was that he did not care that she was there at all. But he barely heard her as she approached him, offering him a taste of the scolding hot scallopini sauce on the stove. 

“I noticed your attractive friend smells like lemon, so I made a lemon sauce!”

“You flatter me, Mama Ratio.”

Somewhere distant, sat on a bar stool, Ratio watched his mom cook. He felt like a kid again. Untouched by the world, absent, away from everything. Thoughtful. Peaceful. He nearly asked when Father would be home for dinner before Aventurine stepped next to his mom, having hung up his jacket, and began to help his mother with the cooking. The haze disappeared. 

“Veri-Berri, are you okay sweetpea?” 

He was fine, obviously? He was at home waiting for his mother to cook dinner. 

Aventurine and his mother talked about something. First about him, then about palm reading, about him again. Nothing bad, he noticed, only compliments, loose, fleeting, glittering compliments. 

Ratio squinted at Aventurine. Was he evil – did he have the capacity to be evil? Even as he approached him now, stood behind him and pressed his hands to his shoulders? Blatantly, domestically, in front of his mother, like they were a couple?

Hm. 

Perhaps, in an alternate world, he might’ve had such a friendly connection with Dr. Elune. Maybe she would be the one living in his house and making him question whether or not they were a couple. 

Well – maybe not, actually. Enveloped in lemon scent like he was now – between Aventurine’s perfume and his mother’s cooking, he began to wonder if it was only Aventurine that treated a friend like this. It would make sense, given how fond he is of touch, how he talks to other people.

No. Dr. Elune would’ve permanently remained a colleague. Er – she would’ve been a friend, but.. A friendly colleague. One that he would get coffee with, one that he wouldn’t have minded interrupting his office hours because she was not a money hungry lunatic. She would care about her students, be intelligent, perhaps help him on an important paper (not that he ever needed it.) She would’ve been someone to get lunch with, yes. To review things with. Perhaps ask advice for, if the need arose. She would’ve been a good colleague. She would’ve been a good friend.

Had she just stayed alive until after his mother had left, he could’ve made her that. He could’ve made a friend all by himself.

His mother turned from the stove, softening. She approached him, a hand cupping his cheek. “My sweet boy.. What’s wrong? I never see you cry.”

No.. no, he wasn’t crying. Maybe he was allergic to lemon. 

Chapter Text

Ratio lay awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

He had just broken down in front of his mother, cradled in Aventurine’s arms. His mother ran him a bath, forced him to eat, even if it meant spoon feeding him like an infant (thankfully, she did not need to do this. He just ate with Asdana’s heaviest fork like it was no problem.) He didn’t smell like roses and peonies – his mother had brought him a birch and sandalwood bath oil to try. It was new. It was appreciated. He had to appreciate his mother now that she was here, now that she was alive.

The scent wafted off of him into the air, overpowering Aventurine’s citrus scent as he lay next to him, reaching up to turn off the lamp. He was sure Aventurine would’ve cracked a joke here, mentioning the fact that they had to share a bed because of his mom.

Ratio felt sick. Like there was a heavy weight on his stomach that he couldn’t pull off. Once Aventurine had turned off the light, all he could do was sit in the dark. Wondering who he was sharing a bed with. 

Even if he didn’t want to. Even if he didn’t want to acknowledge the foul play. The fact that cars never crashed on Edo Star. The fact that her death had come merely a day after she withdrew from IPC meetings indefinitely. After she rejected them. Said “no.”

Tears welled in his eyes again. When had he become so prone to crying, to emotions? Was it Aventurine? Did he, by some odd miracle, teach him how to feel in ways his parents never could?

He briefly considered asking Aventurine if he knew about this. If he knew that the IPC was going to crash her car for that stupid fucking patent. Quantum Energy Storage. Was it worth a life?

The doctor blinked up to the ceiling. He didn’t want to know the answer. It was brilliant technology. It was worth more than a life – they were lucky that they fetched it for such a low price.

So maybe Aventurine was a fake, unreal person. Maybe he was okay with killing sweet humanitarians for the sake of money. Ratio’s throat tightened, but he refused, he refused to sob like a child. He was not a child. 

He needed his grounding rod, but he couldn’t have it. He didn’t trust its authenticity. 

He tried to let it go, close his eyes, and fall asleep, but he turned, feeling an absence of warmth. He wrapped his arms around Aventurine, pressing his face into his back. He could use him for his warmth. He supposed most people did that already. 

This was not fair. How could a friend he had cared for so deeply – he’d even venture to say loved – let his company murder someone?

Okay. Yes. He could cry. He had lost not just a new promising colleague, but his only friend. His only friend was a monster.

“Doc, it’s okay,” cooed the monster, turning around to envelop him in sinister lemon. This was why Nous hadn’t gazed upon him. He failed to read people. He failed to tell when people were evil, and even when he did, he still let himself cry in front of them. Why wasn’t he hiding his weakness? Aventurine pressed the back of his head close to his chest, and Ratio thought, even for a second, that Aventurine had kissed the top of his head. “It’s okay, honey.”

He couldn’t control himself anymore. He pulled Aventurine closer, almost effortlessly so, almost like he wanted to crush him. In a sense, he did. Who was this man? Who was Kakavasha? Was Kakavasha real – was this thing about honey.. Was that real? Did Avgins really read palms? Was Aventurine even an Avgin? Was he anything beyond a cold-hearted member of the IPC?

Ratio decided, here and now, that he would not show up to Pier Point. When Aventurine left, he would forget him entirely. He would never make a friend again. 

His body trembled with each breath – well. Sob. But he wasn’t sobbing. He would never do that, never admit such vulnerability, never feel so intensely. Not until Aventurine showed up, lied about his life and taught Ratio all the emotions he had forced himself to forget. 

He missed his mom. He needed his mom. And even though she was only a few steps away, he couldn’t get to her. He was stuck in the arms of a stranger, however comforting they were, and they trapped him until he fell asleep.

Ratio was drawn awake in the morning by the smell of breakfast. When he opened his eyes, the spot next to him was empty. 

He drew in a breath. Waking up after crying was.. Not pleasant. He had noticed this same feeling after Black Swan tucked him into bed. He felt rather dehydrated. His morning stretches were much more difficult than they needed to be, but he still did them. He had gone too long neglecting them.

His face contorted. Each and every time he had neglected his stretches, it had been for Aventurine. To ensure his safety. Was any of that even real – had it all been a front?

Ratio drew his hands up to rub his face, seated on the edge of his bed. He reached for his phone, which Aventurine had put on the charger the night before. He was hoping, somehow, for a text from Dr. Elune. But it was from Aventurine. Why did it always have to be from Aventurine?

Hey. I got called off to do some stuff, sorry for missing breakfast. Call me if you need me. I know this is hard for you and I’m sorry.

Ratio tossed his phone back into his bed and stood. Why should he be sorry? Was it a guilty conscience – it probably was. Dr. Elune had signed a waiver once she withdrew. She should’ve known this. Ratio should’ve known this, and he didn’t somehow. He thought that, just maybe, the IPC would’ve let this one go. 

Idiot. Stupid fucking idiot. 

His mother pushed the door open, smiling partially. Her hairspray splashed him in the face with some ice cold nostalgia, enough to shoot him awake. “Your friend had to leave, Veri-Berri. I made pancakes.”

“He’s not my friend,” Ratio muttered. His voice was not strong like it usually was. All meak and pathetic. He could not handle this. He was not weak and Aventurine had made him so. These words surprised his mother, and as he stood to walk past her and into the kitchen, she drew in a breath. 

“..so what is he?”

All of the deafness to social cues in the world could not have prevented him from hearing the suggestion in his mother’s tone. Yes. She thought they were a couple. Everyone thought they were a fucking couple. “A colleague.”

“You share bed with him?”

“Because you’re here,” he sat atop the barstool at his counter, and his mother hobbled after him. Before he could eat his neatly stacked pancakes, she took them away, fixing them at the counter for a moment before returning them. Two blueberries in the shape of eyes and a curved line of whipped cream from a can. When had she gone out to buy these things? When did she have time? 

But he smiled anyways, to humor her, because it was endearing that his mother was still making him smiley-face pancakes. “Thank you, Mama.”

His mother stood opposite of him, watching him. He couldn’t discern exactly why, and simply decided that she wanted to know if her cooking was still good. She pressed her palms to the countertops and leaned forward, only slightly. “I am sorry about your friend.”

“He’s not my friend.”

She paused. “The woman, I mean.”

Ratio’s brows knitted. He should’ve known that. Momentarily, he feared this would give his mother a wedge to force him to talk about Aventurine more, which he didn’t want to do. And then he remembered that she never would’ve noticed the slip up as anything more. 

He ate in silence. His eyes watered more but he forced it away. He was allowed to cry. He was especially allowed to cry in front of his mother. But it was ultimately a waste of time, a waste of water. 

Ratio watched as his mother started to clean up the kitchen. After wiping down the counter he was eating on, she lit a candle. Cashmere. She hated the scent. But this was what his home was meant to smell like. A simple sacrifice. 

Just like those stupid lemon candles. 

Ratio drew in a breath. “Mother.”

Her dark eyes flitted up to his. “Yes?”

This was her last chance. If she did not answer this question, he would never ask anything of her again. “Have you ever.. Thought that you knew someone. And you didn’t?”

The two were considered to be the most emotionally aloof people on their home planet. So it surprised Ratio when they locked eyes, when she said things without words. Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked that question. Perhaps he shouldn’t have forced her to think about Father.

She began to draw a towel across the counter space he was eating at. She had just cleaned it 30 seconds ago. “Is this about your friend?”

Ratio stabbed his food with his fork. He ate it, both so that he would not have to answer and so that he had room to think. “Yes.”

His mother remained silent, and he prepared himself for her to change the subject. Instead, she breathed in, and without looking at him, asked: “why do you not know.. Him?”

“Liora died in a car crash.”

“Yes..” she knit her brows. “I am sorry.”

“I mean — there are never crashes on Edo Star. It even said so in the news. It’s just not a thing that happens.”

His mother blinked. Her obliviousness was almost enough to make him smile. Ratio dismissed her with a hand. He could not zero point his own mother, so he just opted to quit the explanation.

Confused, she turned away to start the dishes, having to yell over them to make her voice loud enough to cut through the water. “Well, he likes you a lot! I think he is a good friend to have!”

He likes you a lot. Ratio would not think about this (even though it was too late, and a blush was rising on his cheeks.) His mother surely had just meant that platonically. Unfortunately she kept talking. “And he is very handsome, and smells good! I think you should keep him!”

“But what if he had something to do with it?”

“What!”

Ratio blinked. He picked up the now empty plate below him and brought it, sheepishly, to his mother, feeling bad for adding another dish to his pile. 

Once she had finished the dishes, which was only another minute or two, she turned to Ratio. She was now covered in water, and unfortunately his counters suffered the same fate. Once his mother realized this, though, she reached over to grab a towel to wipe it up. “What did you say?”

“I think he had something to do with it. With Liora’s murder.”

She turned to look at him momentarily. He could see the cogs turning in her head – she had no idea what to say. But she still spoke anyway. “Umm.. why say murder? Why not just death?”

He loved his mother, he did. But he could not continue to explain this to her. He opted to kiss her temple and ask her about her gardener instead, so that she was no longer out of her element. 

His mother offered to stay longer, for “quality time” (which really just meant taking care of him.) But he had more or less recovered from the initial shock of Liora’s death. And so he helped her pack her things, drove her to the station, and sent her on her merry way. 

When he returned home, it felt just as empty as it always did. He stripped the guest room bed of the sheets and threw them into the washer. He moved all of Aventurine’s things back where they belonged – away from his room. Away from him. 

Black Swan, wordlessly, helped him do this. Neither of them said anything. When Ratio stepped out onto the balcony, he stared down the chair he’d set up just for Aventurine. He could get rid of it now. Reclaim his space as just his, not shared. 

Black Swan lingered in the doorframe. 

Strangely, he was beginning to miss her too. She would leave now that Aventurine would no longer be present in his life. He was the only thing worth memorizing, surely. Ratio knew this. His life was otherwise boring. 

Black Swan sat next to him in the chair he had purchased for Aventurine. Ratio drew into his chair, fingernails digging into the nylon. He knit his brows together, basking in her caramel scent as it was very well the last time she’d visit him. 

They sat in silence before Aventurine texted him again. Do you want me to bring home lunch? I’m worried about you :( 

Before Ratio could put his phone in his pocket, Black Swan phased to his side and took it from him. He reached out to grab it from her, but she turned, frowning. “You can’t just ignore him.”

“I can do what I want. Give me back my phone.”

“He’s being nice to you.”

“I don’t trust him.” Ratio swiped his phone back, holding it close to his chest. He felt so bad. He did not need Black Swan making it worse. 

She lingered beside him, thinking. “A genius like yourself should know how to talk to other people. Especially when they’ve upset you.”

“Leave me alone.”

Black Swan’s brows furrowed. “You know you are choosing this, correct? You are weaving your own fate to be lonely and decrepit.” 

Ratio waved her off with a hand. He was not going to take this from a Memokeeper. All she wanted were his memories. Memories he couldn’t make if he was alone.

He knew how to be alone. It was not scary to him. Fuli would just have to find another muse. THEY would have to be content with the memories she had already sculpted for THEM.

Briefly, he considered asking Black Swan for a dream bubble with a memory of Aventurine. Perhaps she had been there when Aventurine read his palms, hiding. Perhaps she had been there during a time in which he was sleeping in the same bed as Aventurine.

The thought, briefly, seemed scary. He had never imagined that Aventurine would trick him until now. He had tricked Dr. Elune in some sense, probably.

He stood, stepping into the kitchen and throwing his coat around his body. He ignored the empty hook next to it – the one that usually held Aventurine’s coat and hat. Yes. This did not matter. This would never matter again. 

Stepping into the cold, albeit welcoming atmosphere of Edo Star, he noticed that the Memokeeper was no longer following him. He breathed in the crisp, fresh air, and made his way onto the sidewalk. He would not let himself fall victim to another “crash.” Another “accident.” 

Not that the IPC would kill him, but that’s probably what Dr. Elune thought too. 

Whatever.

He knew a safe place – er. It was safe, up until he went with Aventurine, up until he had gotten drugged. Aventurine wouldn’t have drugged him, right? Was that some secret IPC ploy too?

Yeah. He really needed a drink. 

Chapter Text

The walk to the bar did wonders for his mind. He had expected this: walking does enhance cognitive function, clears stress and anxiety, and improves mood. 

But he was there already. So. Why not go in? It was an easy way to not think about Aventurine.

Yes. Maybe he could have a drink and stare at a disgusting wood countertop for an hour. This was what he did when he was younger, when he had nobody else to go to. This felt the same. Even when he opened up his phone to check his most recent message.

Where are you? I’ll leave your food in the fridge. Let me know if you need rescuing and I'll help. 

How nice of him to use proper punctuation and grammar. He had to have known. He had to have known what Ratio was thinking and it had to be true.

The bar was, thankfully, very empty. He debated ordering citrus brandy. Instead, he got himself whiskey and stared at it as he swirled it in the cup.

Okay. So maybe it was more than one drink. Well. Three, enough to be buzzed.. But who goes to a bar for one drink? A teenager? He was no teenager. 

“Where’s your friend?” A light, feminine, airy voice came beside him. He recognized this voice. It belonged to a Foxian lady, much shorter than him, with sneaky yellow eyes. He turned to her. She had tied her strawberry blond hair up in a bun. It looked nice on her, he supposed. 

Ratio sighed and rubbed his flushed face. It was childish not to call Aventurine his friend, and between the lightness of his body and his sudden sense of extraversion, anyone could be his friend. Yeah, Aventurine could still be his friend. Maybe. Just one he didn’t know. “At home.”

“You live together?”

“It’s temporary.”

Xuefei gave him a knowing look and sat beside him, ordering more drinks for the two of them and fixing her skirt. When Ratio looked up at her, mildly confused but ultimately defeated, she flashed him a toothy smile. “It’s not fun drinking by yourself.”

Typically, he preferred to drink in solitude. Drinking was best in solitude.

Well. It was second best in solitude and best with Aventurine. He sipped his drink. 

“What sorrows are we drowning, honey?” Xuefei asked with a tilt of her head, mirroring his sip once she received her drink. 

“Did you know.. That’s what Avgins say?”

Xuefei’s face became adorned with a crooked smile. Perhaps he would permit her to drink with him. “Really?”

“It’s a term of endearment. Between mother and son, lover and lover.” He tilted his head down at his drink. “Not fair. It’s really not.”

“Did you guys break up?”

Ratio looked up at her. Why did everyone think they were a couple? Why did he now have to deal with the consequences of everyone thinking they were a couple? She took the hint, though, and quickly mumbled an apology, before asking: “an argument, then?”

“Indirectly.”

“Come on, Doctor. You can tell me. I don’t get paid enough to spy.” She shrugged and sipped her whisky, and Ratio nearly broke his glass with how hard he squeezed it.

He straightened his back. “You know what – on the topic of your horrible company, did you know they just.. Do you know anything about that crash? The one that killed Dr. Elune?”

Xuefei beckoned him down with a hand and turned her body to him. “Keep your voice down.”

“So they did kill her, then?”

The Foxian adjusted her skirt. “Doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it’s not a coincidence.”

The confirmation was not what bothered him. It was the fact that she was allowed to talk about it without fearing for her life. If a member of the Planar Resource Department knew about the conspiracy to kill Dr. Elune, the fucking Stoneheart appointed to the planet had to know too. 

“..it also doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Aventurine is way too busy scheduled for quite literally anything else.” Xuefei clinked her glass to Ratio’s. “You should know better.”

“How do I know that, though?”

“He’s a Stoneheart. It’s just not his job.” 

..okay. Ratio supposed he couldn’t argue with logic like this. It was, indeed, not Aventurine’s job.

Somehow this made him feel better. “Is that the cause of your feud?”

He opened up his phone to Aventurine’s messages. Hey Ratio I’m starting to get worried. Just shoot me a text and let me know you’re okay. 

Fuck. And now he felt guilty too. 

I’m alright. I apologize for my absence. I will not be home until late. Feel free to head to bed.

Sweet Qlipoth babe I thought you had jumped off a bridge. 

I would never commit suicide. It is counterproductive to the pursuit of knowledge.

Xuefei’s breath was suddenly hot against his shoulder. “Ah. So no more feud?”

Ratio turned his phone upside down. It was strange. Everyone wanted to read his messages with Aventurine all of the sudden. “I’m still upset with him,” he said, mainly to convince himself. How foolish it would’ve been to be upset with someone for.. Uh.. how long? Whatever. Aventurine had a way with these things. He was too good at making everything okay again. 

The Foxian rose a brow, ordered another round of drinks. Perhaps she was intentionally getting him inebriated, so that he would talk. But why – why did she care, of all people?

It seemed easier to not question it right now, so when the bartender returned to fill up his glass, Ratio simply gave Xuefei’s glass a tap and raised it to his lips. 

He drank a lot, before he had to start watching over an irresponsible gambler every time alcohol was present. When Ratio lowered his cup, he thought for a moment. Maybe he wasn’t upset with Aventurine anymore. He felt too warm – too giddy to be upset with anyone right now. “Actually, ‘is all good.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“I think he is a perfect person, just – terrible.. Terrible fucking company, that IPC is.”

Admitting Aventurine was a “perfect” person felt weird. But hey! If anyone was going to be perfect it’d probably be Aventurine. Hm. Yeah. Probably.

“Xuefei,” Ratio continued, turning to her with an exaggerated frown. “I am very sorry.”

The woman tilted her head, seeming genuinely confused. Ratio tried to mirror her and suddenly felt a bit sick. Alcohol typically did not have this effect on him – had he lost his tolerance in the few months he had known Aventurine? “I think you liked, me. And I was not very nice.”

“You were not,” Xuefei echoed, her voice tapering off into a giggle as she leaned forward. Ratio noticed now that her face was flushed too. Her heartbeat would be fast under her skin if he were to reach out and feel it. Which he was not too interested in doing. 

“An’ I’m sorry.”

“All good, Doctor.”

Ratio remained silent and turned back to his drink. This would be his last one. Probably. It’d start catching up to him a lot quicker. Xuefei’s fingers ghosted his arm and he tensed. “Hey.”

He turned to her, apprehensively. But everything more or less seemed like a good idea when he was drunk, so. This would be fine. “Let’s try again,” she said. “I like you.”

Ratio rose a hand to rub his face. It was getting a little too warm, between how his body reacted to alcohol and the way that she was basically breathing down his neck. “What if I don’t.. If I don’t – feel like – reciprocate, that..”

When she didn’t respond, he carried on. “I am so confused.”

“About?”

And then he started saying things he didn’t recognize, that he would never claim as his own words if he was sober. “I don’t think about annnyyone else. It’s exhausting. Hard to feel, you know – have, have you ever, felt like it was hard to feel?”

“Probably not like you.”

Ratio found this to be absolutely fucking hilarious and broke into laughter. He was so blatantly confused when she didn’t share it with him, and instead tried to gather him back up with a hiccup. Did Foxians have less alcohol tolerance? Was this connected to their weak fertility? Ugh. Who knows – will he ever know, will he ever find these things out or will he just be walking blind for the rest of his life?

Intergalactic races are so confusing. 

“I’m gonna offer you something,” Xuefei cleared her throat and turned to him fully, setting down her glass and giving him her full, undivided attention. It was not as grounding as it should’ve been. “Cus I think you’re handsome.”

Wrong fucking person. Ugh. This was so equally unfair to both of them. Xuefei deserved to like someone who liked her back. She was too pretty for this. “Have you ever tried dating a woman?” Ratio asked. He figured the only person who could treat her properly would’ve been another Foxian girl. Yeah. That would make sense.

“Doc, shut up.” She said, which sounded way too much like how Aventurine would’ve said it. Since when did she start calling him Doc? Was that – was this the Aventurine effect? Does everyone copy him subconsciously knowing how charming he is? Ratio began to comb through his own behavior. What had he copied from Aventurine. Had it made him more attractive? Absolutely. Anything about Aventurine was attractive. “I got something that can help you figure out your feelings.”

Suddenly, she had his attention way more than before. Well. He was still wishing she was Aventurine instead, as he usually did. But whatever. “Hm?”

“You give me one more night. One more chance. I’ll take good care of you,” she graced his arm with her fingertips again. She did not leave electricity in wake of her touch like Aventurine did, but she was still skin. Skin of another living, breathing being. This could work, he supposed, just like it had when he first met her. If he couldn’t have Aventurine, he could have her. Even if it was just a night. “And then you can figure out how you feel from there.”

“Hm.” Ratio considered this, but then she leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“Let me help you forget it all. I’ll take good care of you, honey.”

Honey. How could he ever forget. How could he ever think of anything else?

This became even more clear with her hands on him in the back of her car. Was this a work vehicle – was it bugged by the IPC? Was he going to get murde-

She pushed him down onto the back seat. He did his best not to let her kiss him too much. That was wrong. Should’ve been someone else – this entire fucking scenario should be with someone else.  

He unbuttoned his pants anyway, and closed his eyes tight. He could step into a dream here, imagine someone else in her place as long as she stopped talking. Which, thankfully, she did. She didn’t say anything. Maybe there was a mutual understanding here. She grabbed his hands and tugged them away. “Let me take care of you.”

Why did she have to talk? She was going to ruin the fantasy. Her fingertips graced the exposed skin underneath his shirt, and then she tugged his pants down a little further, palming him through his boxers. He tried not to, but he squirmed anyway. 

Would Aventurine tease him like this? The thought made his cock fill out obediently in a way that it refused to when she originally brought him into her car. He opened his eyes, only briefly, as she fully pulled down his boxers and his cock sprung free in the air.

Touch. Yes. Some sort of touch. This would do, this would – 

He gasps when one of her hands wraps around the base of his cock, and even more so when she tenderly laps at the tip. She seems to find some humor in his reaction, because she giggles, and for some fucking reason even her breath is good enough stimulation to get him to squirm again. “Has it been a while?”

“I don’t,” Ratio turns his head away, shutting his eyes again. Aventurine would say that to him. “I don’t do this often.”

“Not even with your cute roommate?” She presses her lips down on his head, almost imitating how it would feel to be inside someone. Which. Well, he technically was. In a way. Slowly, she lowers her moist, hot mouth down to the base of his cock and Ratio practically whimpers. It is quite literally the most embarrassing fucking sound he’s ever heard come out of his mouth. 

Okay. Maybe he had been neglecting himself. Maybe he needed to jerk off more. Especially with stupid distracting Aventurine touching him as often as he did. “I wish.”

Wow. Had he really just admitted that? 

She just hummed against him in acknowledgement – a sickening vibration that sent a disgusting amount of weight to his stomach. Right before Ratio could get too far into the feeling, she pulled away with a pop that made his entire body tense up. This was supposed to be relaxing. “I think you’re too far gone.” Xuefei said, a hint of disappointment in her tone.

His head shot up. “What?”

“Yeah.” She blinked down at him with her sinister, yellow eyes. Why the fuck was she doing this to him right now? Does she have any idea how vulnerable he feels underneath her – would it be better to sit up? When he tries to sit up she just pushes him back down so what is the point in doing this? “You know, most people would not get off thinking about their roommate. That’s just not normal.”

“I’m – I’m not doing that.”

Xuefei’s eyes shimmer in a way that almost scares him. “Mkay.”

When she leans back down – which was incredibly relieving as Ratio was beginning to think she was just going to send him to go finish himself in his car – she draws her tongue over his length and he’s forced to shut his eyes again. “You know,” she begins, starting to lazily stroke him with her hand. It’s a kindness he probably didn’t deserve from her – her keeping up the stimulation while she was speaking. “You’re pretty big, Doctor.”

Okay maybe he was a little terrified of sex. 

But she kept talking. And it started to feel better again. “I hear Aventurine’s known best for his blowjobs. I’m sure he’d take you as a challenge.”

These words should freak him out. She’s right. So why are they pushing him closer to the edge, right where he shouldn’t be?

Who was he kidding? Not Xuefei, obviously. But she leans down to take him in her mouth again, and he tries not to think about it. He will not think about how Aventurine is best known for his blowjobs. 

But good gods. How could he not? He’d probably giggle through it just like Xuefei does, but he’d be different. He’d have his voice – his sweet, beautiful voice, like dripping honey, and –

No. No, he’s with Xuefei right now, but –

God it’s the only thing that’s actually getting him off. He’d be so well practiced. It’s a tool of his trade. A good way to sell stock. 

Xuefei pulls off of him again, right as he’s about to hit the edge and he doesn’t even realize it. She folds her arms. 

“Would you stop fucking edging me?”

“What were you just thinking about, Doctor?”

Ratio scrambles. “You – you, I was thinking about–”

His voice trails off as she starts stroking his cock again, lightly twisting it every now and again in a way that makes him wonder if Xuefei was a man in her past life. That would be the only proper explanation. “Don’t lie to me,” she hisses. Ratio didn’t know such a crude voice could come from her. 

But fine. He won’t lie. So he just stares at the roof of the car again and waits for her to put her mouth back onto him so she’ll stop.. Accusing him. And being unkind. But she doesn’t. She just spits on the tip of his cock and uses it as lube to jerk him off. Which feels gross, knowing it’s her. But it’d be nice if it were Aventurine.

Damn it. 

“How are you just – so confident, asking me to do these things, when you don’t want them from me? You want them from him.”

“Xuefei,”

“I think you’re just using me. What are you, shy? Afraid he’s gonna reject you?”

This is fucking evil. This is quite literally the most evil thing anyone has done to him and for some sick and twisted reason he doesn’t want her to stop. And she doesn’t, and she lowers her voice and laughs in his face. “I’d be afraid to be under someone else’s control that badly if I were you, too. But really. You should just ask him – I’m sure he’d happily suck you off.” 

Briefly, this does not arouse him. It terrifies him. He debates getting up and leaving. “He’d get really lost in it. I’ve heard he’s got his own technique and everything. Never had an unsatisfied customer.”

“Okay, stop,” Ratio squirms away from her grasp and grabs a hold of his cock to shove it back into his pants. “You’re making me feel like a pervert.”

Xuefei, unimpressed, holds her face with her hands and presses her forehead against the driver’s seat. The heat is gone. “At least you care about him.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I tried to tell you.”

“I really do not understand,” she held her hands out in front of her. Ratio’s arousal, thankfully, was beginning to disappear. It was an odd feeling. Getting halfway there and then.. Nothing. But it was so much better than coming and then fucking hating himself like he usually did with her. “Do you want to fuck him or not?”

Ratio wanted to glare at her, but the moment he looked at her she frowned. Like his expression had betrayed him, told her something he didn’t want her – or anyone, for that matter, to know.

Xuefei turned away and looked outside. “Get out of my car.”

Chapter Text

“Did you know,” Ratio began as Aventurine carried him inside, one arm around his shoulder, “the whole reason they made self-driving cars, was because people on Edo Star kept – crashing!”

“I did not,” Aventurine squeezed his shoulder and removed Ratio’s jacket. Ratio was immensely disappointed when he didn’t keep going.

Ratio felt very warm. Almost too warm. He got this way when he drank – it was normal. It was expected. But when Aventurine moved away from him, even if it was for a moment, to hang up his jacket, he felt so alone. Like Aventurine’s warmth was the only thing keeping him together, and almost immediately, tears welled up in his eyes. 

Sweet, sweet Aventurine. Waiting for him on the stairs of the porch all worried. What a sweet boy. And Ratio had accused him (mentally) of murder! How could he! 

“Aw, baby. It’s okay,” Aventurine said, in his soft, sweet Aventurine voice, cradling Ratio with his warm Aventurine arms. Was Ratio crying? How could he not cry, though, it felt so appropriate, he had gone an entire day ignoring the best person in all of Asdana who somehow wasn’t mad at him!

And Dr. Elune was dead. Oh great Nous. His life was too much to handle. Was it possible maybe he’d been prone to crying this whole time and just – didn’t live? He tried to tell Aventurine he was so, so sorry for being so cruel to him. How much he missed him. But it came out more like: “Ahhngmmm.. Imsmmmsossooooossorrrieeee..” 

Two Aventurines smiled down at him, which he could barely see through the blur of his tears. Why did Aventurine so consistently find humor in his pain? Not fair! Not fair. “Zero, points.”

Aventurine’s hand was on his back again. If only the atoms aligned, so perfectly, and then their bodies would be the same thing. He would be content, living in Aventurine’s brain, at least then he’d finally understand him. “Aventurineee, whyyyyyyy.”

Sweet Aventurine turned to him with his ever-alert eyes. Ratio loved this. He loved being looked at like he was the idiot. “You killed! Heeeeerrrrruhhhh..”

Aventurine started to guide him into his room. Yes, finally! Finally finally! The thought of finally - finally - Aventurine would touch him! He started to giggle. 

Instead Aventurine put him to bed like a kid. “Nooo, nooo.” Ratio reached up to loosely grab at the air that Aventurine had just occupied. He could grab some of his essence, maybe, and he could keep it with him! Yes! This was worthy of The Genius Society! “Come baaaaaacccckkkkkk.”

Suddenly, he felt a wet towel on his head and squirmed. So cold. So cruel! Aventurine drew it around his face, moving his hair out of the way and each and every grace of his fingertips felt like being fucking electrocuted. 

He wanted to keep fighting, to get Aventurine to touch him again. Just a hug would’ve been fine. Something warm and enveloping. But the comfort of the towel and the scent of citrus was enough to send him off into a sleep he didn’t know he needed.

The first thing he knew in the morning: his leg was asleep. Maybe it was dead. It hung off the bed the entire night.

He rolled around unintentionally to get control of his body again and hissed at the feeling – the weight – of his now dead leg. 

The second thing he knew – after having forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom to drown himself in some cold water – he felt terrible. Not physically so much, but mentally. Guilt. For Xuefei, and then for Dr. Elune. 

And it was all Aventurine’s fault, as it usually was. He missed his old life, where he didn’t feel. Where he could wake up and lecture students and throw chalk like a normal person. Now he had to feel bad for the things he’d done. 

The smell of food in his kitchen drew him into the illusion that he was back home with his mother again. That, or she was in his kitchen now, intruding again where she didn’t belong even if she was secretly welcome. So when he stepped into the kitchen with a freshly washed face and a new attitude towards his morning.. Well, he was surprised to see Aventurine cooking. 

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Ratio said blatantly, without realizing it might’ve been insulting, and the further he stepped towards the stove he began to realize that.. Well. Aventurine couldn’t cook – or wasn’t cooking now, at least. He was just reheating something.

“Sorry I made a pan dirty. You don’t have a microwave.”

“I do not need a microwave.”

“Right,” Aventurine tilted his head halfway at the food, still not looking at him. “I got you this last night, cus I thought you’d have been stuck in bed all day and that you wouldn’t wanna cook, but – I dunno. You definitely don’t have to eat it. I know you’re very cautious about what you eat.”

Ratio moved up next to him and squinted down at the meal. Reheated vegetable stir fry. He loosely recognized the scent from somewhere. “Where’d you get this?”

Aventurine flashed him a smile, but still didn’t look at him in the eyes. “I picked it up from Natuski’s. I almost got you sushi too, but you didn’t respond to me, and I know that kinda – tends not to be better fresh.”

Oh great, even more guilt. As if he wasn’t feeling bad enough for using Xuefei as a cock sleeve earlier, now Aventurine was trying to take care of him. He cleared his throat. “That’s very considerate of you.”

The gambler turned, looked up at him briefly. He looked very tired. His hair wasn’t brushed, but it was tousled to make it look better, and his clothes seemed barely slept in. He hadn’t reapplied his perfume. The citrus scent was faint. Ratio wondered, if only for a moment, what Aventurine would really smell like now if he leaned in and pressed his head into the man’s shoulder. Aventurine blinked up at him. “I can cook, by the way.”

“Sorry.”

Aventurine reached up into the cabinet to scoop the stir fry onto a plate and held it out to Ratio, who paused. “Would you like me to make you a waffle?” He asked as he collected the food from his.. Friend, “I can make you a lot of whipped cream.”

There was something.. Off about Aventurine this morning. When he didn’t say anything, Ratio straightened his back and moved to set his plate down on the counter. Next to his spot was Palm Reading, A Science of The Ages. The sight of the book reminded Ratio of the other books he’d bought for Aventurine.. Between his mother coming over and Dr. Elune’s murder (he figured it wasn’t worth sugarcoating it anymore. It was a murder) he had forgotten to give them to him. “Aventurine.”

Aventurine’s eyes flickered up to him. “Sorry. I was somewhere else.”

“I noticed,” Ratio mumbled, pulling out the seat next to him and gesturing to it. “I see you were reading the book I got you.” 

This made Aventurine smile, even a little bit, and he seemed a step closer to the present. But before he could say anything about the book, Ratio drew in a breath. “What’s wrong?”

Aventurine’s smile fell a little at the corners. Had Ratio forced him to think about something bad? Why did he even ask? Aventurine forced his smile back, for reassurance purposes. 

Poor boy. Always breaking hearts with his sad, fake smile. Briefly, he reminded Ratio of a sad, orphaned puppy. “I just had a bad dream.”

“You should tell me about it. Talking about your negative feelings often alleviates stress.”

“You know, Doc – you said a lot of stuff last night.” Subject changer. Yes, flip the scenario, it’ll be easier this way. “Said you missed me and stuff.”

Ratio wavered. There were two roads he could take here. So, naturally, he chose the safer one, stabbing his fork into the food that Aventurine had caringly picked up for him. “I would never say that.”

“Baby, I think you like me a lot more than you tell yourself.” Aventurine leaned partially over the counter, and Ratio’s eyes were on him immediately.

What the fuck did that mean? Was this a trap. This was absolutely a fucking trap and he would not fall victim to it. Not in a million years. Ratio looked away to the book, where it was safer. “What else did I say?”

“You asked me why I killed Dr. Elune.”

Ratio’s food was suddenly rather unappetizing. He had zero desire to talk about this. He had forced himself to accept the fact that it was a foolish thought – albeit true in some sense – and decided to move on with his life. “..no I didn’t.”

Aventurine stifled a laugh and leaned further over the counter. He was masking up, probably for safety. It probably hurt to be accused of murder (Ratio wouldn’t know, this has never happened to him.) “You can’t just – baby, do you know what gaslighting is?”

“Of course I know what gaslighting is.”

“Well, that’s what you’re doing. Very manipulative. Zero points.”

Ratio folded his arms over his chest and decided that it was now his turn to change the subject. “Why aren’t you eating?”

“Not hungry.”

“You know how I feel about that, Aventurine.”

“Actually, I don’t know how you feel about anything,” Aventurine threw his hands up in the air – quite dramatically, Ratio noted. “You’re very hard to read.”

“Why do you have an attitude today?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Doc. Am I being bad?” Aventurine tilted his head, feigning innocence. And as much as Ratio hated this.. Display, it was comforting in a way. Yes – this was their banter that he had missed so badly. 

“Go eat an apple.”

“I’ve been up for like, 4 hours princess.”

“Princess?!”

Aventurine giggled like this was the funniest thing ever. Ratio was still partially stuck on the fact that he’d been up for so long. So.. maybe he had eaten breakfast? But Ratio refused to be overbearing, because then he would be just like his mother. When he gathered himself, he moved towards the barstool, hand gliding across the counter as he did, and sat next to Ratio endearingly. 

Silence hit the air for a few moments, and then Aventurine cleared his throat and tilted his head to push some hair out of his eyes. “Hey, Veri–”

“That feels strange.”

“Get over it. Do you actually think I would kill someone?”

Ratio paused mid bite. Maybe Aventurine wanted him to starve. Maybe that was why he kept distracting him from his meal with impossible questions. 

The more he thought about his answer the more he realized he did not want to be honest. But his silence was telling. Too telling. His body had too often betrayed him in this way. Perhaps his life would be easier if he learned to transfer his consciousness to a supercomputer. He would skip The Genius Society entirely and enter into Godhood! Fantastic. “Doc.”

“Sorry.”

Aventurine turned away, breathing in and pulling his book towards him. He’d bookmarked something with a playing card again. So endearing. So Aventurine. “I didn’t kill her.” 

“I figured that out already. You’re too valuable to be wasted on a murder task.”

Aventurine’s brows knit together as he stared at the cabinets in front of him. “You know what – I think I’ll take that as a compliment.” 

“Also, you don’t know how to bypass technological security.”

“Anything else?” Aventurine turned to him dramatically. Ratio took a moment to think about this, but the look on Aventurine’s face told him not to. 

“..sorry.”

Aventurine grinned at him like he was an idiot again, humming. He breathed in, gently, calculated. “I did kill someone once.”

Immediately, Ratio was conflicted. To be shocked or to be disappointed, that was the true question. Well – it usually was with students. Not with Aventurine. The gambler fell quiet beside him, gazing down at the book with a squint. 

He couldn’t tell if he had killed as Kakavasha or as Aventurine. The two would’ve been drastically different, had a different effect on his psyche. Ratio usually would pride himself in being able to tell when certain traumas occurred based on a patient’s behavior.. But he couldn’t tell. “When?”

“Before.”

Okay. So he wouldn’t push anymore. Aventurine turned to him, looking past his marble kitchen and back into that distant place he was in earlier. “It was what I dreamt about.”

Ratio sat up straighter and nodded. Active listening would not work well with this patient, he knew this, and so he kept quiet, eyes focused on the tenderness in Aventurine’s eyes, trying to figure out where he’d gotten stuck. What world he was in now, what he was thinking about. “I had to. To stay safe.”

Aventurine breathed in with a frown. “My dreams have always been.. Kinda painfully realistic. But recently it’s gotten a lot worse, but.. There’s always this..” his hands wavered in the air as he tried to explain. “Like – I can never speak.”

This made sense for Aventurine. Inability to speak in dreams typically meant the feeling of powerlessness. Repressed emotions, fear of judgment.. Ratio drew in a breath and tried not to pity him any further. It was probably the last thing the poor boy needed. 

“I don’t really wanna think about it too much. I just wish it’d go away,” he looked up to Ratio for reassurance, who gave him a smile. Perhaps if they were a couple he could’ve leaned in to kiss Aventurine’s forehead, and that would’ve made him feel better. But he opted for a smile. Because unfortunately, they were not a couple.

“Perhaps you could get in contact with Black Swan. She’s good with dreams.”

“I could,” Aventurine said partially, and Ratio noticed that, between the way he spaced out further and the way his words could barely be heard, that his energy for talking about this all had run out. 

Suddenly, after a few more moments of silence, he lightened up. “Hey.”

Ratio turned to him. Clearly Aventurine wanted his full attention. He usually did have it anyway, in Ratio’s subconscious. “I’ve been meaning to tell you more about Pier Point.”

“Hm.” Ratio turned back to his dinner, er. Breakfast. 

“Since everything with the QES patent has more or less come to a close,”

“I wonder why.”

“..sorry. We’ll be moving on to Pier Point so we can deal with legal stuff and whatnot. You have to come with.”

“..who said that?”

“Um, me. Obviously,” his words turned breathy, shifting into a laugh. “Is that not enticing?”

Okay. Well. Of course it was. “I’ll consider it.”

“Well I already booked you a ticket.”

Ratio scooped some more food in his mouth — it had gotten cold during his conversation. He figured humans were much too developed to care about the temperature of their food, so he ignored it. “Would be a shame if you had to waste your credits. You could very well end up on the streets.”

Aventurine did not entertain this, probably because there was not a single scenario where he would run out of credits. “I think I’ll have my own house rules there,” he crossed his arms thoughtfully. “Any suggestions?”

Ratio thought momentarily. “I shall draft some up for you.”

Chapter Text

“Are you really gonna spend our last full day – er, night, on Edo Star in your office?” Aventurine asked, gloved hand pressed against Ratio’s door frame. 

Ratio’s fingers remained idle against the keyboard momentarily. “It is highly improbable that I will be gone from Edo Star long,” he noted, his fingers resuming their calculated strokes as he drafted up Aventurine’s house rules.

House Rules V. 3.0

• Eat 3 full meals a day

• Veritas is to take a bath when needed.

..clearly he was having a hard time. Aventurine huffed and, out of the corner of Ratio’s eye, he could see the man pouting. When he turned to the gambler, Aventurine spoke again: “what if I wanna spend a fun night in Meiji – I feel like there’s so much I haven’t seen!”

Well. This was likely. But Ratio was busy, obviously. “Sounds like you’ve fallen victim to tourist ensnarement.”

Aventurine’s heels clicked closer to him, and the gambler leaned forward to breathe down his neck (everyone had been doing this recently, but this was significantly more welcome.) “Wow, looking really productive here.”

Ratio flashed him a glare. Aventurine had gotten dressed up to go out – this was obvious, with his hat and his glasses. His peacock attire, Ratio had mentally dubbed it. It was what he wore when he wanted attention. Aventurine’s hands snaked up his back, rousing goosebumps, and came to rest on Ratio’s shoulders. “Baby, I was joking about house rules. I’m not gonna have any.”

Ratio faltered, just slightly, which usually meant a dip in his shoulders. One that Aventurine could probably feel with the way he had attached himself. Ratio looked up to close the tab. 

Ratio typically used office chairs with a low cut back rest for multiple reasons: enhanced mobility, versatility, and to encourage proper posture. However, there was a fourth benefit that he had failed to realize upon purchase: Aventurine would be able to snake his arms around his chest and hug him from behind, resting his chin on Ratio’s shoulder. 

Ratio knew this had to have been an awkward stance for him to be in. Nevertheless, Aventurine hummed contentedly, breathing him in. Ratio’s heart was racing – which.. Well, he obviously did not like. But he didn’t want this to end, so he tried to find something to do on his computer. 

But then Aventurine started to breathe a little too often, and each time the warmth hit Ratio’s ear felt like some kind of attack. He cleared his throat. “Shall we get going?”

Aventurine lingered for a little while longer before pulling away, leaving Ratio delighted in the fact that he would not die by mental suffocation. 

Per usual, Meiji was overwhelming. Thankfully Aventurine seemed less interested in the hustle and bustle (which was notably out of character) and more interested in the quieter storefronts with fewer people. “I like nocturnal planets,” Aventurine noted, hands in his pockets. As always, this bothered Ratio, but he could catch the gambler if he were to fall. 

“How come?”

“Well, a couple of reasons. But I think it also kinda reverses the effect they’re trying to have – especially with Edo Star, how it’s very.. I feel like the nighttime population is meant to.. How do I put it..”

Ratio gave him the floor for a few moments longer before asking: “may I?”

Aventurine gave a nod. Ratio took a second to think, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I would surmise that Meiji’s nocturnal atmosphere serves to be antithetical to its assumed goal.”

“Well, yeah, if you’re a professor, I guess that’s how you’d put it, sure.” Aventurine gestured to a table and Ratio, eager to rest his legs, took the nearest seat (not without pulling one out for Aventurine, of course.) “What a gentleman.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Ratio gave Aventurine his attention out of the corner of his eye. In the meantime, he was surveying his surroundings: a few chatting groups of people at a nearby restaurant, giggling teenagers running and chasing each other, and a quiet, young man in formal wear that reminded Ratio of himself. 

Aventurine cleared his throat, and Ratio’s attention was forcefully peeled away from his younger self. “But yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. You put it, um.. Kinda dramatically. But I like how you speak.” Ratio blinked at him. Aventurine liked how he spoke. “I feel like – it’s weird. Like the taboo has been reversed, like Meiji isn’t afraid of topics like sex and drinking, and so it.. Becomes taboo to abstain from those things. Like in their attempt to destroy the taboo they’ve – made a new one.”

“I’ve also noticed,” Aventurine continued, trapping Ratio in the silken honey tone of his voice, “that nighttime on other planets is usually quieter, meant for solitude, but they’ve made nighttime extraverted which I don’t think was the plan.”

Beyond Aventurine’s hat and glasses, he was dressed rather peacock-esque today, like he was trying to entice someone. He watched as Aventurine’s colorful eyes fell off of him and somewhere behind him, and when he followed them, he noticed the same group of teenagers from before. 

The two watched them for a moment – which. Well. It felt odd at first, until he heard Aventurine breathe out contentedly, like he’d seen something endearing, and Ratio turned. “What?”

“He likes her,” Aventurine gestured back to them, and Ratio watched as one of the boys in the group giggled and lightly pushed against the girl to his right. When the girl pushed him back, equally playful, Aventurine gasped in delight. “I think she likes him too!”

Ratio turned. This felt odd. He enjoyed people-watching, usually, but these were the types of kids who would’ve been unkind to him as a boy. He cleared his throat. “What gives you that impression?”

“It’s an Avgin thing.”

“No it’s not.”

Aventurine broke into a giggle. “Okay – maybe not, sure. But my momma and I used to be really good at telling when people liked each other. Maybe it’s my secret gift. In Sigonian camps, it was usually expected to like – marry for the sake of being married, but..” Aventurine fell quiet as a citizen walked past in a way that rattled Ratio’s nerves. 

“Keep going.”

“Sorry, I just..” Ratio shook his head and beckoned Aventurine with a hand. Part of him was solely after this for the knowledge. The other part of him wanted Aventurine to know that there was, still, nothing wrong with him or his culture. Aventurine straightened his back. “Arranged marriages were pretty common in Sigonia, and so love in marriage was often a secondary thing, but.. My parents loved each other. Sorry – this is kind of a long explanation. Um, short story short–”

“No, I want the long story.” Why did Aventurine keep cutting himself off when he was talking about something genuinely interesting? Who cares what other people think about it? Aventurine usually ignored how other people thought of him in every other scenario. Why did it have to change when he was talking about his culture? “Think of me as a journal.”

“If I thought of you as a journal you’d send me to a psychiatric hospital.”

“Maybe that’s not a bad idea.”

Aventurine pursed his lips at him and Ratio didn’t know how to highlight the fact that his statement was, indeed, a joke. Well. Mostly a joke. Before he could speak again, Aventurine sprang to his feet and grabbed Ratio’s wrist that was atop the table. “I want boba.”

“Quite demanding,” Ratio muttered, a smile creeping at the corners of his mouth as he stood and pushed in his chair, taking one last glance at the group of teenagers. He didn’t.. See anything. Nothing beyond a group of friends. He fell into step beside Aventurine and wondered if the man had gone out in Meiji without him – he was too familiar with the place. At least, he acted like it. “So.. Sigonia.”

“Signoia,” Aventurine echoed, ceasing to let go of Ratio’s wrist and snaking his fingers down to grab the doctor’s hand. Ratio was still unsure how he felt about public displays of affection, but he would let this slide for the time being as he figured it out. “So – marriage is usually a transactional thing for Avgins. We’d have these huge, grand weddings, all extravagant – well, as extravagant as they could’ve been on a barren planet – and often quite dramatic as well. Like – people save up for these things all their lives. We value romantic love but it’s secondary and has to be created within the framework of traditional couples. I remember marriage being relatively heavy on gender roles.”

Ratio could barely imagine such a life for Aventurine – it seemed.. Awfully constrictive, but he supposed this was part of the reason why Avgin culture was so taboo. “Do you feel that your own views on romance still align with those of Avgin culture?”

Aventurine huffed derisively. “Definitely not. I’d be an entirely different person.”

“I figured.”

“See – I love – well, loved – well.” Aventurine fell silent as he momentarily scrambled for the right words. “There are parts I loved about being an Avgin: like the palm reading and the traveling, never being grounded to one place. My mother was very liberal in the sense that she didn’t want me to ever marry for the sole sake of a transaction.”

Well, that’s basically what your life is now, Ratio thought, but he didn’t dare say it. Knowing these things about Avgin culture was endlessly important: if Aventurine were to.. Forget (because nothing bad would ever happen to him beyond that) he’d be able to turn to his mnemonically gifted friend. “But that’s – I kinda got off topic. But my mother and I did a lot of people watching, looking for hints of love in places we could find it, cus it was so often.. Transactional, when we didn’t think that it should’ve been. I got my.. Uh, love detection from my momma.”

Ratio tensed. This “love detection” skill could easily mean that Aventurine knew how Ratio felt about him, in some sense.

Well. Did he love Aventurine? How does one go about navigating love? It’s a big word – a big step, even in the mental sense, to believe you love someone. Ratio was not a procrastinator in the academic sense, but he would delay thinking about this until he absolutely had to. It was uncomfortable. “How do you go about acquiring this sixth sense?”

“How come, Doc?” Aventurine nudged him with his elbow. “Got your eyes on someone?”

Ratio recognized this.. Feigned confidence, like there was something to be worried about, like Ratio’s answer had the capacity to hurt. He never seemed to say the right thing in these situations, where Aventurine was “secretly” vulnerable but especially easy to read. “I’ve just never been able to tell when people are attracted to me.”

“I’ve got someone in mind.”

Ratio hesitated. Did he want to know the answer to this – ah. Probably not, but Aventurine spoke anyway. “I think Dr. Elune liked you.”

For some reason, Ratio let out a sigh of relief. He could not take Aventurine’s flirting anymore, and as they came to the door of the boba shop, he was finally able to let go of the gambler’s hand. To.. touch his chin thoughtfully. “I don’t think she did. I think I was just the only person that had actually listened to her.”

“I listened to her, I’m just not a hot doctor.” Aventurine nudged him again. 

Ratio’s nose scrunched. “Ick.” 

He refused to see Dr. Elune this way. She had very clearly defined their relationship as friendly when she first asked him to get coffee – as friends, she had said. How could it have been more obvious that she didn’t see him in that sort of light? Aventurine stepped up to the counter to order two brown sugar lattes – exactly what Ratio had gotten last time, so that he thankfully wouldn’t have to give up his drink. He leaned up against the wall adjacent to the counter, surveying the mostly empty cafe that was also way too brightly colored. Ratio would not miss this overstimulating aspect of Meiji. “Aventurine, would it be wise for me to avoid connecting emotionally with any future IPC contacts? In case your company decides to murder them. Again.”

This question obviously made Aventurine uncomfortable, but it was deserved, so Ratio didn’t really care. 

Well. He thought he’d gotten over it, but he assumed a normal person would take longer than a couple of days to get over a death – maybe he wasn’t as far off from “normal” as he thought he was. Aventurine folded his arms over his chest. “I try not to connect with anyone emotionally, for the sake of business. I didn’t – I mean, I would’ve told you that if I didn’t think you already had that figured out.” 

Ratio paused. Did this mean that Aventurine was not connected to him – or was the word try pertinent to this whole concept he was trying to suggest? What a difficult person to discern! “I have only recently discovered the true extent of my emotions, but I do have them.”

“Wow, this is an amazing discovery. Veritas Ratio has emotions.”

Ratio felt that, if he were sensitive in the same ways Aventurine was, he would be offended by this, but he decided not to care as the employee handed the two of them their drinks. “Can I stab yours?”

“My drink?” Ratio pursed his lips – he enjoyed the mundane, but even he could not understand the subtle joy in puncturing a cup with a straw. “I suppose.”

“Yay!” Aventurine cheered. “Thanks, Veri. Oh – oh my gosh, I’ve been meaning to ask,” 

The way Aventurine’s face lit up gave away his question. “No.”

“I love that nickname Mama Ratio has for you, it’s so funny. It’s adorable, cus you’re this, like, 6 foot something muscular scholar and she’s like – aww, Veri-Berri, my sweet boy!”

“You cannot call me that.”

“Why not!” Aventurine tossed his arms out dramatically and, after he had put Ratio’s straw in his drink, handed it back to him. “I’ll have to call up Mama Ratio and ask her myself. I love Mama Ratio. I wish she was my mom.”

“I’m sure she’d love to adopt you,” Ratio muttered with an unintentional roll of his eyes, which his mother would likely get upset with him for. “Sarcasm.”

“I know, dick.” Aventurine shoved him, again. Just like those idiot teenagers were doing. “That’d be weird anyway. I’d hate to be your brother.” 

“The feeling is mutual. That would be exceedingly uncomfortable.” A brother should not, in any circumstances, wonder if his other brother is attracted to him. Or think about – ugh. Ratio did not have any interest in further entertaining the idea. He might’ve had a hard time identifying their complicated relationship, but.. They were definitely not brothers.

Strangely there was a comfort there. At least he knew something in such a confusing field. “Anyway.”

“Right, anyway.” Aventurine grabbed onto Ratio’s hand again. Brothers may do this, but not in the same way. 

This gave Ratio a hint: perhaps this was not platonic hand-holding. He dropped his hand. Fear of connection, per usual, and Aventurine muttered under his breath. 

“Speak up.”

“Nuh-uh.” Aventurine giggled, and so Ratio knew there was no legitimate problem. Aventurine cleared his throat and checked his watch. “Okay – I’m having fun, but we should probably like.. Head back, ‘cause I dunno about you but I have to pack.”

“Please just say ‘because.’ You are saving–”

“Only a few milliseconds, yeah, whatever.” 

Ratio considered remarking on his attitude but the last time he had done that, Aventurine said something borderline – well. Not borderline. Blatantly perverted. So he remained silent as they headed back until Aventurine pointed out some other random, insignificant thing, and somehow made it important.

Chapter Text

For the most part, Ratio helped Aventurine pack his things. Ratio was, again, not a procrastinator in an academic sense, but he was also not a procrastinator when it came to his chores. His father had taught him not to – he supposed this was one of the few helpful things the man had done. 

As he picked up Palm Reading: A Science of the Ages, he was reminded, again, of the books he had bought Aventurine. But they felt off now, almost unfitting, and so he, again, decided to postpone giving them to the man. It would’ve seemed too close to blatantly reminding Aventurine that he was, indeed, a broken person, and it would not have helped. 

Aventurine stepped over towards him, and Ratio was briefly concerned that Avgins had the capacity to read thoughts. Upon further consideration he decided this was not true and that he would’ve been damned long, long ago. “Hey. I never actually finished reading your palm.” 

Ratio eagerly sat down on Aventurine’s bed. It was mostly stripped except for a clean bed sheet which Ratio had put on for the sake of.. Well, not having a naked mattress, because it was a strange feeling. Everything else had, regrettably, gone into the wash to remove any Aventurine dirt or Aventurine scent. He had not done this, obviously. “You did the head line, the heart line, and the life line.”

“Wow, such a good memory, baby,” Aventurine cooed, his voice sounding sweeter (which usually somehow meant more sinister) than it usually did. He sat down to Ratio’s left, ignoring all of the space on the bed and treating it more like a single person chair, meaning that he was inches away from sitting atop Ratio’s lap. This would be fine. 

The praise, however, regrettably sent shivers up his spine. Aventurine grabbed a hold of his hand, firmly, squeezing it a little. “So – yes, we did your head line, your heart line, and your life line – what remains, and I remember this better now, thanks to your sweet gift, are the fate and sun lines.”

Ratio had nothing to say. He was enveloped in Aventurine, in his scent, in his hands, everything. Totally encapsulated. He assumed this was how Aventurine sold stock. As the gambler traced the barely visible line in the middle of Ratio’s palm, he felt his breathing halt, even if for a second. “Baby, focus.”

Oh no. Had he noticed that? “Sorry.”

“Your fate line is very deeply carved in your hand,” Aventurine used his nail to carve out the path of the line, which hurt just the slightest bit. A welcome hurt. Anything was a welcome hurt by Aventurine. “Meaning you have a strong sense of career – you know what you want to do with yourself, and it’s hard to change that.”

“Hm.”

“Yeah. I also ‘hm’ at this, because I feel like with all your smarts and PhDs you switch careers a lot, in a sense.”

“I always remain a scholar. Perhaps that’s what it means.”

“Wow – here we are, folks, Dr. Veritas Ratio, defending his fate line,” Aventurine removed his hand for a moment to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes, momentarily locking eyes with the doctor. And even though it was for a second, it made Ratio endlessly more tense. He shouldn’t be tense, this close to Aventurine – he should be comfortable. But no. He was tense. And it was a good tense. Aventurine returned his focus to Ratio’s hand after a quick clearing of his throat. “This is your sun line, right next to your fate line..” Aventurine traced the line to the right of his previous focus. 

“It’s your line of success – I suppose, in a sense, it’s unfair to be reading your hands. Everything about them is very firm. Like, straight, deep lines, very strong. My momma would like your hands.” Aventurine ran his fingertip over the line repeatedly, just barely gracing it. Electrifying. And it was just his fingertip. “It’s parallel to your fate line, suggesting success and a good reputation – I’d think that’s pretty accurate, don’t you?”

Ratio missed his cue to speak.

“It’s very clear as well – this indicates a good sense of literature and art.” 

Ratio nodded, as he always did, because he could’ve quite literally listened to Aventurine talk about anything – he could’ve taught him the ABCs and he would’ve shut up and let him speak.

Okay, perhaps that was an exaggeration, but it felt so sensical. Aventurine could do whatever he wanted, and it would be welcome, it would be attractive. It would be perfect. Ratio breathed in. “Are there any – no other lines?”

“No, baby. No other lines.”

Ratio’s eyes flickered from his hand, which Aventurine was now letting go to stand, to the floor, to his hand again to his pants to his hands to 

“Hey, Doc.” To Aventurine. 

“Yeah?”

“I like your eyeshadow that you do, the red. It looks really nice. I’ve been thinking of doing something like that. I really like that about intergalactic fashion.”

How. How was he talking about intergalactic fashion right now. 

“..yes.”

Aventurine smirked at him, straightened his gloves. He was so encapsulated, like he was in a trance, like he was stuck, and for the first fucking time, he wasn’t trying to escape. Even though he should. Even though it was just palm reading, so why was it driving him so insane – why wasn’t he being normal about this? Why couldn’t he just be normal. 

Oh no he was staring. Oh no. This was terrible. “Hey,” Aventurine said, and Ratio tried to look elsewhere. 

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby.” And why did Aventurine have to keep calling him that? He had to know. He had to know how.. Stressed this was making him feel. How hard it was to resist the closeness, the domesticality, and resist Aventurine. He had to resist him, for the sake of his sanity, but he was making it so hard. “I think you deserve something for your hospitality. Since we’ll be leaving soon.” 

Ratio froze. Had Aventurine gotten him a gift – or —

Okay. He couldn’t pretend to be oblivious anymore. But he had to ask, just to ensure that he wasn’t.. Going crazy. “What..?” It was like his words were stolen from him, all breathy and meak, like he was some weak child. And he loathed it, not in a good way this time, he loathed being out of control. 

“You know what I mean.” 

Was this a dream – why was he behaving like this? It was scary. It was becoming scary and he didn’t know why, maybe it was the lack of control, maybe it was – maybe it was the way Aventurine was nearing the floor. “No, no – I don’t – I don’t..”

Why the hell did he want to cry? Why did this Aventurine feel so unfamiliar?

“Come on, Doc. Let me pay you.”

Aventurine was literally on his knees in front of him and for some fucking reason he felt like throwing up. This was supposed to be his dream, but this was a fucking transaction. Just like Aventurine’s mother wouldn’t have wanted. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, why couldn’t he just fucking accept this? He was going to hate himself for the rest of his life if he didn’t. But it felt so sudden, so – inappropriate. Like he’d skipped a bunch of steps. And even as Avneturine’s hands snaked up to Ratio’s thighs, trying to arouse him, transactionally, he still couldn’t get into it. 

Ratio turned away. His lip trembled like he wasn’t a grown man. 

Damn it! He was a grown man! Why the hell did he have to react like this – why the hell couldn’t he just be normal about something and behave like a man! Anyone would love this! Anyone would love Aventurine’s “payment,” maybe he should’ve accepted this, maybe he should’ve known from the way Xuefei talked about it. 

Aventurine drew back a little bit. Ratio’s brows knit, and he breathed in. “You don’t – you don’t have to pay me. It’s free.”

Because it was free! Aventurine didn’t have to pay to stay with him, he’d never have to pay for his company or his food or his care because he deserved it. It wasn’t meant to be a transaction, wasn’t meant to create debt, it was just meant to be, damn it! Why couldn’t Aventurine just be fine with that, why couldn’t he just take something and not try to pay for it with fucking sex?

“It’s free,” Ratio repeated shakily, eyes shut tight. The warmth disappeared as Aventurine stepped away, and when he partially opened his eyes, he watched as Aventurine gathered up the last of his things and tossed them into his suitcase.

Fuck.

Fuck he’d ruined it all why couldn’t he just fucking handle things like a man? 

Aventurine clicked on his suitcase, and took a final look at his guest room with his hands on his hips. Without looking at Ratio, he muttered, “I really don’t get your deal, Veritas.”

Veritas? Oh great Nous he’d gone and done it now. It was all over. 

“I’ll uh.. See you around, I guess. Don’t come to Pier Point.” 

Aventurine pursed his lips and nodded, and then he was gone. Out of the guest room, and then out of the front door.

Ratio fell back on the bed. 

Don’t come to Pier Point.

He only had a few moments of wallowing until he got a little angry. Of course he was going to Pier Point. 

Chapter Text

Veritas Ratio. Some “scholar.” 

Aventurine used to think of himself as smart. He used to think of that stupid fucking professor as smart, too, but he’d had a lapse in judgement somewhere. Ratio wasn’t smart.

Or maybe he was. Maybe smart people delighted in toying with others. Ratio definitely did, because clearly the past couple of months had meant nothing to him. Aventurine’s hand snaked up to his hair to grasp at the strands. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Careless. 

He shouldn’t be fighting tears at the Pier Point station. He should not feel empty like he does now, with no idiot scholar by his side as he steps into the monolithic and gloomy business planet he’s supposed to call home. He should’ve just fucking known better for once in his life. Ratio didn’t care about people.

Well. He cared about that Quantum Energy girl, had some care for the Foxian, definitely cared about his old students. So he cared about people. Ratio just didn’t care about him.

Aventurine was good at ignoring his feelings, usually. He was better at pretending they didn’t exist at all. It was safer this way, safer for his sanity and his well being, so that he wouldn’t stumble into another game of Russian roulette. But he couldn’t shake this. 

The station was just as bleak as the planet it was on, with big metal rods holding a canopy off the ground. He never understood why Pier Point had to be so painfully corporate, oddly always smelling of fresh leather from the suitcases of the businessmen he tried not to be afraid of. He waved over a taxi, checked his watch, checked his phone for a text from nobody in particular. 

Nothing. Obviously. 

“Hello, Mr. Aventurine,” said the old taxi driver he’d gotten too familiar with. A retired pilot from one of the Xianzhou flagships looking to expand his understanding of culture. Pier Point was, arguably, the worst place in all of Asdana to do this. Just a disgusting melting pot of nothing, nothing, and nothing. 

Enough to make him miss Edo Star. Enough to make him miss Penacony. “Heading home?”

“Looks like it,” Aventurine said into the seat, as if he knew where home was. 

Contrary to Ratio’s quaint, sweet little apartment, Aventurine’s home was ostentatious. Grand, and dark, and green. But at least it had color – this was more than the carnivorous atmosphere he’d just stepped out of. His heels clicked against the pristinely soulless wood beneath them, and even as he flashed on the lights his home remained sterile. Barren. Uninviting. 

He’d tried to liven up the atmosphere before, with flowers, with people. The flowers made him feel lonelier. The people worked, albeit temporarily, gracing his mechanical mansion with temporary, feigned warmth. Aventurine would pick someone to sleep with, to float, and then everyone would leave by morning. He’d stare up at the stained glass dome above his bedroom. Wonder how he got here, as he always did.

Aventurine kicked off his shoes and rubbed his face as he fell onto the couch. Having gone so long without a TV, he momentarily wondered what the hell the little hologram in his living room was supposed to be. 

Topaz had suggested – multiple times, actually – that he get some sort of pet to make the place less lonely. Aventurine enjoyed the idea in theory, but he couldn’t take care of some helpless little creature. He couldn’t imagine being their sole provider, protector, not to mention he’d always be gone anyway, so what was the point?

Maybe if his house was smaller – quainter, like that stupid scholar’s – he’d be more content with his life. No big empty couches. No quiet guest rooms. No silent dining tables. Nothing would be forced to remind him that nobody shared this house with him. It was solely a place meant for parties – Aventurine didn’t have any close colleagues that he’d consider sharing the space with. Not anymore.

He found it appropriate to throw himself a welcome “home” party. Nobody else would do it for him.

In the face of company, wallowing in one’s own misery is much more difficult. Aventurine’s house parties were known for their.. Spirit. He figured this would be the most appropriate word to describe them: strangers gracing him with their presence, drinking his alcohol, all for the price of  making the green tints of his windows feel a little brighter. 

Usually he participated, but today he just watched the front door atop the balcony overlooking the entrance room. Well – ballroom, as it was right now. 

Topaz could help clear the fog around his mind. Not as well as some – well, one other could. But she could do it. And she did, as stepped aside him, with her cute little Warp Trotter following suit. Perhaps he should get a pet. 

Topaz never dressed up for these things. He shouldn’t have taken it personally. It was a late notice party, after all, but this was what the IPC was known for. Even if he didn’t particularly dress up much himself – a green button up to match his lifeless green mansion, a black harness, and gloves. He looked down at himself. He looked ready to head off to a mission. Or ready to be fucked, which was way more likely to happen tonight. He shoved his face in his hands again. Could he not be a slut for one fucking day of his life?

Numby nosed at his ankle. “I’ve gotta ask,” Topaz started, and Aventurine prepared himself for the dreaded, stupid question that he’d have to make up an answer to, because I tried to give him a blow job and he looked at me like I was a whore would not be an appropriate response. “Where’s your hot date?”

“Dead, hopefully.”

“Well that’s dramatic.” Topaz drew forward to lean over the balcony and watch the gathering below them. Pier Point’s architecture was obviously not giving it life, but the people were. Well. They tried, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing, but Aventurine believed tonight’s party to be an adequate display of life. Staged, ingenuine life, but still life. “I came to tell you someone’s passed out in your bathroom.”

“It’s only been an hour.”

“I know, right?” Topaz snickered, waving her hand in the air dramatically as Numby plopped down at her feet. “Guy’s probably got a medical issue or something.”

Aventurine was not stupid. He knew that she was trying to cheer him up, bring him into the open world, perhaps beg him to come and dance. And usually, he would, because he had no problem giving Topaz a false impression of lucidity, but today he simply wanted to watch. Be distant from the business, the false displays of love, and observe, cherish, try to find something meaningful in the tip of a hat or a smile. He would do that, comfortably, from his balcony. 

He caught the eyes of a tall, brunette Foxian man and smiled, sending him a wave. 

“So,” Topaz started again, etching unspoken thoughts into her words in a way that suggested Aventurine would not enjoy the rest of this conversation. “Dare I ask.”

“Nah.”

“Looks like I’m doing it anyway,” Topaz shrugged beside him and Aventurine buried his face in his hands again. “Is this a simple feud or is this grounds for a mysterious car crash case?”

He had hoped for neither. In fact, he had hoped that nobody would care enough to ever ask him about it, that he could just never think about Ratio again and let his memory fizzle away into the confines of his depressing little mind along with everything else bad. 

Through the sliver of light he could see from beyond his fingers, Topaz tilted her head, her hair falling neatly to one side. “So.. mysterious car crash?”

“No,” Aventurine spat, quicker than he wanted to. Maybe this would be easier, though. 

..he could not live with himself if he ordered Ratio’s death. Not that he would ever do that in the first place. 

Beyond the haze of anger, he knew he didn’t hate Veritas. He couldn’t hate the obliviousness, the arrogance, the intelligence – he couldn’t hate anything that made Veritas Veritas. No. The only problem in that.. Relationship? He wanted to call it that, but it wasn’t.

He just had to face it. Ratio wasn’t the problem. He was. Topaz drew in a breath. “Soooo..”

When Aventurine didn’t respond, Topaz egged him on, which was exactly what he didn’t want her to do. “Are you gonna fix it?”

“Topaz, just let it go, it’s not –” he stifled a laugh, a fake one, one of exasperation. “It’s none of your business. We’re just not gonna see him anymore, and that’s it. The end. Okay?”

“Okay, quitter.” 

Topaz did this to him sometimes. She was smart enough to know when to let things go, but this was different. And it wasn’t necessarily a torment so much as it was her own silent way of encouraging him. 

But it wasn’t going to work on him this time. Maybe he was a quitter. Maybe he should’ve been a quitter this whole time. Maybe he shouldn’t have begged Obsidian to get Ratio on Edo Star with him. For the sake of – what had he said? Expanding his vocabulary?

The thought made him smile for the first time all day. Expanding his vocabulary. Obsidian obviously did not fucking believe that. 

Aventurine swiveled away from Topaz to traverse down the wooden steps and into the crowd. He could go on autopilot here, still be able to observe from a distance every subtle movement anyone made towards him. And every blatant one, as the brunette Foxian man approached him as he stood on the steps, scaling them to match his height. 

“Hey,” Aventurine smiled his practiced smile, the one that would get Shenyu in bed with him. “Kinda surprised to see you here.”

Shenyu was dressed nicely, at least, unlike Topaz. Just simple black business attire, but he looked good in it. Red eyeshadow too. Aventurine shut his eyes for a few moments and Shenyu stepped closer to him, grabbing a hold of his wrist. “Hopefully that dickhead scholar won’t be all over me tonight,” he grumbled, starting up the stairs with Aventurine following suit, and finally. He could have a quiet mind. Even if it was for 15 minutes. Even if it was with someone who didn’t care about him. 

Everything would be quiet. “He won’t be coming.”

“He’s great at getting in the way. What the hell does he even do again?” Shenyu didn’t let go of his wrist even at the top of the stairs, even through the hallway that Aventurine hadn’t had a chance to crawl through yet. It smelt like bleach. At least the cleaners had been doing their jobs. “Acting like your keeper. You know you’re very capable of taking care of yourself, right, baby?”

Right. Right right right. Just keep saying that. Just keep saying that, so it can be believed, so everything can go quiet again. Shenyu could be a source of safety, if Aventurine let him. 

But he never really felt safe. He supposed it was nicer when he actually knew what was happening – could actually see Shenyu, hear his voice, not be lost and close to stumbling onto the floor. But as Shenyu pushed him down on the bed, rough and unloving, he became desperately jealous of himself from five minutes ago. The man on the balcony with Topaz, who was safe, not chasing after a pleasure that hated him, not chasing after a feeling he loathed. 

But it made him feel worse, which made him feel better. So he helped Shenyu undo the buttons, helped him remove his clothes, and behaved like the good showpony he was. 

Shenyu never stayed long after he was satisfied. This usually meant wasting an hour or so of being downright used, but it felt right. It felt deserved, proper, like what Aventurine was supposed to do. He was right where he belonged, and after a good five minutes of pretending to be a brat and making Shenyu fight for his attention, he could fall numb, stop thinking. And when he did think, it was only to be disgusted with himself.

Aventurine had washed his face three times now, but when he looked up in the mirror he still.. Didn’t.. Feel right. Didn’t feel like he belonged in this big, lavish house, still empty even with a party roaring downstairs. 

He settled down in his bathtub, still naked, body still aching but his gloves still on. He grabbed onto his chest, held it, like it would give him some solace. 

Aventurine shut his eyes. He pretended, even if for a moment, to be in a bathtub on Edo Star, with a rubber ducky staring him down. Veritas wouldn’t think he was pathetic now. He’d be overly cynical, maybe caring. Run him a bath. Cook him a meal. Ask Aventurine to talk about things that he just couldn’t, and the cycle would repeat, over and over again until Ratio got tired of him and sent him on his way to Pier Point.

Alone. 

Again. 

Chapter Text

Aventurine didn’t have the effort to rendezvous back to the party he’d thrown himself. He laid in his grand, empty bed, staring up at the stained glass dome above him. Pier Point’s moon could be seen above it, staring down at him and clicking its tongue in distaste for what it saw.

Aventurine glared back up with malice and fell asleep under it anyway. 

He woke to the sound of a phone call, twisting over to grasp loosely at the sound until he picked his phone up off the bedside table.

“Mm,” he said, like that was an appropriate greeting, his eyes still shut.

A soothing, velvety voice came through the other end. “You’ve got to clean up your kitchen,” Jade noted with disdain. He could hear her kick a solo cup aside, and he sat up out of bed.

Jade had a tendency to let herself in before important meetings to ensure his attendance. “Be down here in 5 minutes.”

“Mkay,” Aventurine muttered, rubbing at his eyes and slipping out of bed.

Jade had grown to expect him in his pajamas when she turned up like this. It was an unspoken understanding: Aventurine would pour her a glass of early morning (late night for her) red wine in his pajamas, and she would drink it in her extravagant business attire. And big ridiculous hat. 

“I’ll have to call a cleaner,” he noted, tilting his head down at the mess. Partygoers were meant to be elegant but fun, but they had a tendency to become.. well, disastrous, as the night went on. “I would’ve done that earlier if I knew you were coming.”

“Not for yourself?” Jade reached out a jeweled, painted hand to wrap her slender fingers around the wine glass. Aventurine hated these questions from her, because she always knew the answer: she could read people like that. In the 30 morning minutes they shared together, she would always try to dissect him a little more than before. Cut open his small intestine. Sever a nerve. Perhaps she was a bit of a sadist. “How was Edo Star?”

“Fine,” Aventurine turned away to collect trash off of the counter. 

“That’s all?”

“It’s got a nice atmosphere, I guess.”

“You’re rather unopinionated today,” she paused to sip her wine, lips curving into a smile the moment they left the rim of the glass. “You shouldn’t be tired — I hear you were only a present partygoer for ten seconds.”

Aventurine stuffed his trash in the compactor at the end of his cabinets. Ratio should’ve been doing this.

He shut his eyes, leaned against the countertops, back facing Jade. Jade had put too much investment into his life to hurt him. Anyone else he wouldn’t dare expose weakness to. Not until recently, at least. Jade hummed. “I hear things, people talk,” she tipped her glass to one side.

Aventurine turned around and folded his arms. “Topaz talks.”

“She’s a person, isn’t she?” Jade flashed him another toothless grin. “And I can’t help but notice the absence of your business partner.”

“How many times am I gonna have to explain this to people?”

Jade delicately rose her shoulders, setting down her glass and leaning forward. “You’ll explain it to me, won’t you, child?”

Aventurine could no longer meet her light, looming eyes. Jade made him nervous at times: he was sure that she knew what had happened, between the way she could read him and the way the IPC had a knack for surveillance. “Can I go get ready?”

“Avoidance,” Jade let out a small ‘tch.’ “I thought I trained you to be direct.”

Aventurine ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at it, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes and then letting his arms fall to his sides. “I misread our relationship.”

“You tried to have sex with him.” Jade corrected. She had the most fantastic ways of calling him a disgusting slut without saying it outright. “Topaz owes me dinner.” 

Forget the dissection. Dissections were usually respectful, honoring the cadaver they were conducted on for the sake of knowledge. No – this was mistreatment of a dead body, downright mutilation. Aventurine picked up one last piece of trash and tightened his grip on the mask that Ratio had been coaxing off. “I hope I’ll be invited?” He asked, fixing his voice so that it was further from pathetic and closer to the businessman Jade had designed him to be. 

Jade smiled at him – a smile she tried to mask as possessive and domineering, but he could sense a hint of genuine affection. “I’ll think about it.” 

A quick meeting with the IPC technology department. That’s all it had to be. But Aventurine kept fumbling his words, skipping over questions, having to repeat himself. He charmed the false concern away, and thought himself to be recovered, until another unfortunately Veritas isn’t here, so we can’t efficiently review this ripped his charisma right from him. 

The grand IPC obelisk had a plethora of break spaces, but none of them felt properly relaxing. This was customary of business buildings, but especially true for the colossal hunk of metal he was standing in today. He sat on one of the balconies, overlooking this meta city of a planet. Jade’s heels clicked in behind him. 

Aventurine straightened his posture, fixing his back closer to the cold metal of the chair. “Do you have a cigarette?”

Jade reached into her bag, stifling a yawn with an elegant gloved hand. She stepped forward, leaning down to place the cigarette directly into his mouth, and cupped her hand over his to light it.

Warmth. Human skin. Jade was as inauthentic as he was, but this was different from Shenyu. She cared about his well being.

This felt ironic to think as she lit the cigarette in his mouth. He blew the smoke aside, out of her face, but the wind picked it up and carried it there anyway. In his attempt to swat the smoke away from her, he nearly hit her in the face. 

“Sorry,” he muttered past the cigarette, sucking on it and then blowing the smoke in the direction of the wind. Jade sat opposite of him. Bitterly, he was reminded of Ratio’s balcony on Edo Star.

“Don’t get back into that habit again,” Jade muttered, fixing her clothes to sit properly on the chair and leaning back to survey the city, “the smell sticks to you. We get complaints.”

“Just adding to the list,” Aventurine said good-heartedly, flashing her a smile. He would recover. He could mend himself back into the person he was supposed to be, now that nobody was forcing him to be vulnerable. He kicked his heels up onto the table, something ill-mannered that his momma had taught him not to do. “Just this one. Promise.”

Aventurine kept his promises loosely. Jade just flashed him an unsure glance bordering on a glare, and turned back to look at the city. “Do try not to ruin our relationship with the Intelligentsia Guild.”

“Mm.”

He had expected her to say more to get a further rise out of him, but nothing. He’d never understand this part about his fellow Stonehearts – they just egged him on, never let things go, never let him grieve in peace. She clicked her purse open to retrieve a lip gloss and a mirror. “You’re lucky I like you, otherwise we’d have to take some disciplinary action,” she paused to press her lips together, clicking them, and when Aventurine turned she waved the wand over her bottom lip again. 

The cigarette was calming enough for this conversation. It roused his nerves, but in a good way, brought them up so it could settle them down again. His throat itched for a cough and his eyes watered, but it felt deserved, exactly what he should’ve been feeling. 

Jade’s eyes flickered up to him again, then back to the mirror. “He’s made you soft, you know.”

Aventurine coughed. He grasped his hand to his chest, waving the smoke out of the air so it wouldn’t continue to choke him, and held the cigarette away from his mouth. “What?”

“You’re not stupid, Aventurine. Don’t act like it.” Jade clicked her mirror shut and stuffed the applicator back into her lip gloss. “You’re a better businessman than whatever that meeting was. Whatever you need to fix, fix it. But don’t come back inside the same person you just were.” She stood, all elegant, like she hadn’t just insulted him and indirectly insulted his friend. 

Friend.

“Jade,” Aventurine sat up as she neared the door to return to the other ingenuine businessmen. 

Jade turned to him expectantly, like he had something important to say. Aventurine just smiled, weakly, and then carved it into a smirk. He could be Aventurine again. “Can I have another cigarette?”

After Aventurine stepped inside his home for the night, finished with a day’s worth of meetings, he shut the door and pressed his back to it. He fell down the door, legs sprawled out in front of him. 

With his head against the door, enveloped in his own scent, he became more aware of his home. Overblown and showy, just like he was with his shiny watch and jewelry. But he belonged now. 

Good. This was where Aventurine lived. He hopped up off the floor, tossing his coat on the railings and climbing over the mess from the party. Call a cleaner, yeah. Do that later, though. 

He stopped in the middle of his big, grandiose hallway, and smirked at himself. At the sweat on his forehead, the smoothed down strands of hair on his skin. His eyes, his teeth, revealed when he pulled his lip down with his hands. The salt on his hands. The light scent of cigarette smoke on his mouth. 

His eyes flitted, reaching down to adjust his sleeves. He’d forgotten who he was for a moment there. Spent too much time wallowing. Never again. Never again would he let himself get so close to someone, let them break him down. 

Aventurine looked back to the mirror, undoing some of the top buttons of his shirt and ruffling his hair. He was great at his job. He was great at being an object, and a damn good looking one at that. 

Yeah. He’d never forget that again.

Aventurine strode into the kitchen, of his grand home full of opportunity, full of space to use and manipulate to his liking. His fingertips drew against the grand, velvet green walls, admiring the golden lighting, beaming at the attractive stranger who passed him in the mirrors. 

This was who he was. At the end of the day, he could come home, and be a star, be admired, be loved, be wanted. Lusted after like he always was, make the money he always could, and never falter again, never be weak again.

He put on some music in the kitchen – the type that got his nerves tingling, with a proper consonance, enough to lift him out of the false misery he’d been parading around in. He set a pot to boil, hummed along with the music, loving his solitude, loving his own company. He would learn to adore Aventurine again. 

Back to the IPC’s pretty boy, just like Jade had designed him to be. While the water boiled, he pulled a towel out of the overhead cabinet and sprayed off the counters. Things happened in his kitchen during these parties – unspeakable things, but also things that regrettably turned him on. 

So the IPC’s pretty boy was a pervert. That helped him do his job.

He pressed his hips against the counter, gazing down at them through his violet tinted sunglasses. And then he focused again, lost the haze, finished cleaning up the kitchen and added some white rice to the pot. 

He’d lied when he told some stranger he knew how to cook. Aventurine had been offered a private chef before – he only utilized these during dinner parties with fellow Stonehearts, never for himself. He could cook enough to survive. He could sustain himself on bland, crunchy white rice for the rest of his life if it maintained this peaceful, unbroken solitude.

The doorbell rang, loud and radiating past his music. A grand, unnecessarily chime, befitting of his home. Probably his grocery order. He brushed his hands off on his pants, set down his sad, pathetic dinner – no. His grand dinner, cooked for a man too busy making money to craft a lavish dinner – and strode into the entryway to greet and tip the woman who delivered his groceries. 

He heard the door open in the hallway. She’d let herself in – she never did that. “I’m coming, I’m –” 

…

Ratio. 

Aventurine stilled, ensnared in the doctor’s crude amber eyes. Ratio stood quietly, staring back at him, wavering gently like there was a breeze inside of the home he’d intruded in. 

The adrenaline vanished. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Chapter Text

That was a good question. What was Ratio doing here?

Well. He had a funeral to attend first, hence his tardiness. It was a necessary exchange: Liora – or, Emiko, as he had come to know her more recently, could be comfortably laid to rest knowing that her family would be taken care of. At the space in front of the grave, he pulled Emiko’s weak, frail mother into a hug, comforting her as she cried, alone.

He ensured that their pockets would touch, that the chips in their phones could meet, so he could transfer her 5,000,000 credits. Not enough to repay the loss of a child: but enough for a new life. 

“This is the least you loathsome creatures could do,” he had spat to the IPC liquidation representative over the phone, “the tiniest act of benevolence, barely befitting of your horrid transgressions.”

“Of course, sir,” replied the Intelliron, with a sickening amount of customer service tone, as if this was not compensation for an unjust murder but instead a refund for a faulty piece of equipment. “We’ll be transferring the money to your account within the next system hour.”

He’d part from Emiko’s mother with a bow: explain that he barely knew her, that he had to hunt the service down, apologize for intruding on a family-only service. And she’d smile back at him with the same warmth her daughter had, squeeze his arm with a shaking hand, and bid him farewell before she would ever have the time to check her bank account, ever have the time to contact the kind, surprisingly generous stranger.

Ratio had already packed. He had already cleared his academic calendar with the expectation that he’d be on another planet. For Aventurine to uninvite him: crude. Unprofessional. Unnecessary. A simple blip in emotional communication was not enough to cut someone off. If it was, Ratio’s already limited contact book would be entirely blank. He headed off to the Edo Star station, Black Swan warming his passenger seat. She never needed to tell him to go, so she didn’t. She pointed out the lights outside, joyously, and asked him if she should vacation here herself.

“You already did,” he said simply, because she had followed him around practically his entire time on Edo Star. 

It was welcome. Secretly. Black Swan leaned back in her seat and turned up the air conditioning, because frigid was not enough for her. “So. Next stop, Pier Point?”

“Precisely.”

“Do you know what you’re going to say to him?”

Of course he didn’t! He almost laughed at the question. “Do not ask questions you already know the answer to: it is a waste of breath.”

“Veritas, I think I would hate to have you as a professor.”

“Understood. I only train brilliant minds.”

Black Swan shot him a glare. Perhaps one of these days she would reach over the center console and choke him out, but today would not be that day. No. He had to apologize to Aventurine first. For.. 

He wasn’t sure. But he would do it anyway. 

So. Pier Point. 

As the taxi driver dropped him and his suitcase off at the very front of Aventurine’s house, he wavered. This.. was too much. Almost disgusting. The IPC’s wealth was disgusting.

(But if anyone deserved to live in the lap of luxury, it was Aventurine.)

His house – well, mansion, stood intimidatingly before him, emanating pure exclusivity and splendor. Emerald – well, Aventurine stained glass windows lined the walls. If it were daytime, they would’ve swallowed the light, manipulated it, cast shadows into the hallways. Ratio hoped the gambler would let him stay long enough to observe this.

Even Aventurine’s home felt like a facade. 

Aventurine must’ve had his landscapers pour superglue on the ascending steps. He had expected Swan to appear, to force him up to the door and make him trip over his suitcase. Aventurine would open these grand mahogany doors with Ratio’s face mere inches from his shoes, glare at him, maybe spit on him, and then slam them again.

..okay. Ratio would never fall. More importantly, Aventurine would never slam a door in his faceeeemmmaybe. Hopefully.

Luckily he took the chance from him. He rang the doorbell, as to not terrify him when he stepped inside of the entryway. 

His heart raced. But for a moment, it was calmed by the pure beauty of the interior of Aventurine’s entryway. 

Well. Aside from the mess. But Aventurine was here – his coat had been thrown onto the stairs (not neatly on a hook, next to Ratio’s, where it had come to belong.)

Aventurine’s heels clicked towards him. And everything he wanted to say, everything he had rehearsed, started to run away and disappear. “I’m coming, I’m–”

The gambler stopped, and fuck Ratio had missed him.

It had been.. What, two days? But.. the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, exposing the slightest sliver of warm, inviting skin. His hair stuck to his forehead, messy and undone, but it was so perfect, he was so pretty, frozen here in front of him with his black collar and unraveled appearance and-

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Ratio stopped. Because now he was here, now he was absent. Now he had no fucking clue what he was going to do. He imagined how bold he looked here, with his suitcase in tow, and now that Aventurine’s eyes were flickering down to observe it, he felt lost. Like an intruder. 

He cleared his throat, trying to pretend like the silence wasn’t about to strangle him. Why did he have to be the one to speak? Why couldn’t Aventurine take his turn away? He briefly considered mitigating the blame – my mom wanted me to come – Black Swan made me – I had a call from the IPC, they were upset with me.

Ratio didn’t break his eye contact. “..I..” 

He had never been speechless in his life.

Even for a fleeting, graceless moment, Aventurine’s eyes seemed to soften under the golden light of his entrance room. This was enough for Ratio. “I missed you.”

Aventurine had now been rendered speechless. Five points? 

Ratio knew how this felt. So he took Aventurine’s turn. “I.. usually prefer my own company. But I’ve realized I prefer your company more,” he breathed in, still analyzing Aventurine’s reactions (as if he had the capacity to read them.) “And you left before I could explain myself.” 

Aventurine’s arms rose up to his chest, folded. Ratio had read about this in Interpersonal Communication - he’d picked it up from the Intelligentsia Guild’s library before his trip. It especially came in handy today, right now, because folded arms meant one was closed off and unsure – ah. But the book didn’t explain how to remedy this. “How do I make you.. Not closed off and unsure?”

Aventurine blinked. He didn’t smile at him like he usually would’ve when Ratio said something stupid. He just looked at the doctor like he was an idiot. And for once, it didn’t feel good. “What?”

Ratio hesitated. He was beginning to get the sinking, terrified feeling that this wasn’t fixable. He reached down to his suitcase, unzipped it, and searched around for the book. “I.. I read something, maybe we can read it together, it’s – it’s supposed to..”

Aventurine’s silence hurt like a stinging cut: fine and sharp, evidence of a mistake. Where had the mistake been? And where was his book, why couldn’t he find his stupid book, why were there chains around his throat – why was this making him so emotional? 

“Sorry,” Ratio muttered, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve. He’d worn his best, a nice dress shirt and tie, because appearances mattered in this situation, maybe he didn’t look good enough, maybe he didn’t speak eloquently enough anymore or-

Aventurine’s footsteps neared him, but he was so focused on the book, where was the stupid book? How was he supposed to figure this out when –

When Aventurine leaned down to move his hand and zip his suitcase back up. This was it. He was going to kick him out. 

But instead the gambler pulled out the handle and kicked on the wheels, turning down a corridor. “I’ll show you your room.”

Ratio stilled. And then, as stupid as he felt, he began to sport the biggest, giddiest grin. Ten points - no! Twenty! Thirty – could it go higher, maybe he could –

Aventurine turned. “Are you coming?”

The room Aventurine brought him to was beautiful – roughly half of the size of Ratio’s house, but he decided not to comment on it as Aventurine settled his suitcase aside the doorway. Windows overlooked the grand, green bed (surely this was Aventurine’s favorite color?) with bookshelves on the opposite side. Ratio began to wonder if Aventurine had a library. 

When Ratio turned to talk to him more, Aventurine, oddly.. Had started to walk away. Ratio swallowed, his throat tightening up again to restrict his words, but he forced them out anyways. “Wait.”

Aventurine turned, reluctantly. Ratio hated the space between them. 

“Don’t you.. Want to communicate..?” In accordance with chapter 3 (obviously.) 

The gambler stood still, like a statue, which would’ve been true if not for the emotion in his eyes that held everything unsaid. Ratio began to wish he could read minds, he could enter The Genius Society and more importantly –

“I want to keep our relationship professional,” Aventurine said blankly, separated from his body, because there was no possible way he could really be saying that. 

“..no..?”

Aventurine blinked. Perhaps he had never been told no before. Ratio sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him. Chapter 3 had also suggested creating a warm, welcoming environment for communication good god he hated this so fucking much why couldn’t everything just be better at the click of a button. Why the fuck did he have to do this. 

Aventurine just stared at him and he patted the spot next to him on his bed again. “Come. Communicate. It is an important part of friendship.”

Aventurine, momentarily, looked like he was trying to kill Ratio with his mind. Ratio briefly considered jotting this down to later test and see if this was possible. Maybe it was an Avgin thing?

Perhaps Aventurine needed another push, so Ratio gestured towards the spot again, but for some reason this made Aventurine boil over. But instead of yelling, he smiled, stepped forward, but stopped no more than a foot away from him. Ratio stared up at him. He felt.. Cornered. 

Ratio cleared his throat. “You seem angry,” he acknowledged, an important part of the harmonizing process (in accordance with chapter 5.) “I hear you.”

“I want to strangle you.”

The doctor blinked. “..you seem very angry.”

“You have a very thick skull.” 

Okay. This was much harder than the book had made it seem. 

Perhaps Ratio needed to take responsibility for something (again, in accordance with chapter 5.) “Please tell me your grievances so that I may take responsibil-” 

Aventurine kissed him. 

..this was not part of the fucking book!! There was no guideline for this – this was not an appropriate apology, this – the, um.

Ratio wasn’t used to this. This feeling. How sweet it was. In a sense, he supposed this could be considered his first. The first one he cared about, at least. Perhaps he should close his eyes? Maybe this was a necessary part? But seeing Aventurine’s face so close to his own – even though it was close enough to be.. Well, awkward, was endearing. 

When Aventurine pulled away, hands still grasping Ratio’s face, the doctor pursed his lips, reaching up to touch them out of curiosity. Perhaps they would taste different now, feel different, maybe they were warmer, or – 

Ratio cleared his throat. “You have gone very much against my script.”

He had never been able to feel adoration in his own eyes, but he did now, and suddenly he was thankful for this little collar Aventurine wore, because it meant there was something he could grab to pull him back.

He was more prepared this time, closed his eyes, breathed him in. Breathed in the scent of citrus, the smell of cigarette smoke.. 

Cigarette smoke. Since when did Aventurine smoke – why did it.. Why was he attracted to the taste? 

Ah. But no. Aventurine was not allowed to smoke. Ratio pressed a hand to his chest to push him away, just slightly, hoping that Aventurine would leave his soft, albeit slightly calloused hands on his face, but he didn’t. Unfortunately. 

Aventurine stared down at him, unreadable. Ratio wanted nothing more for the gambler to sit down next to him so he could envelop him in a hug, not let him go. He supposed this meant that their relationship was not a friendshohhhhhh. Oh that’s what he was talking about! 

Ratio pursed his lips to lick them more discreetly, tasting the cigarette again and opening his mouth to speak. “Aventurine?”

“Yeah?” His eyes shot up, all alert-like, like Ratio was going to give him a death sentence or some other morbidly important detail. But smoking was a death sentence! Aventurine should know this. 

“You are not allowed to smoke.”

“Wanna bet?”

Ratio squinted at him. “Not particularly, no. Smoking increases your chances of heart disease, heart attack, stroke, damages your blood vessels, wrinkles your skin, does horrible things to your immune system, and–” Aventurine kissed him again. Did he not care about the dangers of smoking? Ratio pushed him away momentarily. “I was not done.”

“I know, I wanted you to stop talking.”

Ratio blinked at him rapidly. “That – that is very rude, when I am trying to teach you about health and wellness. Do you not wish to elongate your life?”

Aventurine stood up straight again, grabbing a hold of his laurel to fix it. “You look good, by the way.” Five points! He had chosen the right outfit for the occasion. “I missed you too.” 

Chapter Text

Aventurine woke with a jump to the sound of his alarm. His mouth stung, and he shot up, reaching to touch and examine the assumed wound. Nothing. He felt nothing.

He fell back into the bed and squeezed his eyes shut, then forced them open in the fear that he would fall back asleep. He was fine now. He was in his big, grand home. Not a cage. 

And Ratio was a few doors down. He hadn’t come to sleep with him – probably because he hadn’t been invited. 

Ratio was often way too respectful in a way that made Aventurine want to bite him. He breathed up at his ceiling. He could bite Ratio now, if he wanted to. Bite his lip. Bite his tongue. 

Why couldn’t he dream about that instead?

When he stepped down the stairs after his “indulgent” (as Topaz would’ve said) morning routine, he was surprised to smell.. Breakfast. And then he remembered who he’d invited into his home. And for some reason, it made his heart skip. Breakfast. 

It took a while to get used to eating breakfast when he lived with Ratio on Edo Star – he’d trained himself not to get too hungry in the morning – a welcome accident. Aventurine stood in the doorframe of the kitchen and watched this.. 

..man.. because that was the only respectful way he’d be able to think of him right now..

Until Ratio looked at him, and smiled, said “good morning,” and Aventurine remembered past his morning haze that Ratio would never actually have the balls to touch him unprompted. That was the only unwelcome part about stupid Veritas. The only part that he hated.

And enjoyed at the same time.. It had taken him a while to find the word for it: respect. Ratio respected him. A respect that came higher than Ratio’s own animalistic desires that Aventurine was beginning to assume he just didn’t have. 

Aventurine approached him from behind, pressing his face into Ratio’s back and squeezing his waist with his arms. Ratio was so well sculpted, and put so much care into his appearance (or maybe it was the Aeons, because for some reason stupid Veritas wouldn’t claim his looks.) Aventurine nuzzled his shirt, breathing him in, and the haze threatened to return.

So so so strong. Every inch of skin must be as strong and immovable as Ratio’s waist and back. He could easily toss Aventurine around if he wanted to. And it would be welcome, sosososososo welcome..

“Do you want whipped cream on your pancakes?”

Aventurine’s eyes shot open. Oh yeah. This is where he was, and stupid Veritas would probably run away to another planet if Aventurine tried to touch him.

So – technically Aventurine was the one who’d ran away. “Aventurine?” But whatever.

“Mm,” he stood away from Ratio because he was trying to avoid a semi for his stupid professional day at stupid Pier Point. “Yes please.”

Maybe those words also did something to strong, sexy Veritas Ratio, because Aventurine could sense just a slightest hint of discomfort. But then the doctor cleared his throat, as he always fucking did whenever Aventurine thought he was finally getting an edge on him. “I made you lunch to take to work today.”

“You’re so hot.”

Ratio looked at him, alarmed. Did he not fucking know that already? 

And then Ratio waved his hand, turning back to the stove. “Stop that.”

“Not gonna tell me to knock it off?” Pleasepleasepleasepl

“Go get your lunch.” 

Aventurine could lunge at him, it would be easy, he could probably choke him out from behind or shove his face into the smoldering pan. But Ratio handed him a plate of pancakes, so his hands were full. Ratio would live another day. Unfortunately. Fortunately? Maybe.

“Aw, cute,” Topaz smiled down at the metal lunch box Aventurine had. 

So.. apparently Ratio had been up longer than he’d originally thought. Long enough to go to the store, long enough to buy more groceries, long enough to buy him a fucking lunch box. Topaz slid into the vacant seat next to Aventurine with her own lunch and scooped up Numby into her lap. 

Numby had a tendency to stare at Aventurine like he could shoot lasers out of his eyes. No, just an Avgin, unfortunately no lasers, otherwise he would’ve liquified respectful Veritas about three months ago. Him and many others. “So, I take it your hot roomie’s back – want my brownie?”

“No, thanks.”

“I was talking to Numby.” Topaz looked at him like he was an idiot as Numby gobbled the dessert up from her hands. 

Aventurine turned away and clicked open his lunchbox like that wasn’t embarrassing. Topaz leaned over with her mouth full. “He leave you a note?”

“Topaz, shut up.” 

Topaz just shrugged, taking off a bite of her sandwich to feed her.. Cute? Mean? Little Warp Trotter. Aventurine opened his box to a salad littered with apples and dressing on the side in a little cup. 

He didn’t fucking own little cups, so Ratio had to have bought this too. 

“Is that enough apple?” Topaz offered out her own. “You want some more?”

“I think I ate an apple in front of him twice,” Aventurine tried not to smile. He really did. But this was so warm, so lovely, so nice. Consideration he would never come close to deserving. “High in Vitamin C and K, dietary fiber, all that. He reminds me very often.”

When Topaz opened up her phone, and Aventurine poured the dressing into his salad, he asked: “not sitting with Jade?”

“She’s at home today.”

For some reason, Aventurine’s first thought had nothing to do with Jade and everything to do with the cigarettes she carried around. Ratio would not like this. He’d be upset with him. “Topaz, guess what.”

“No.”

“I kissed him.” 

Topaz bit her sandwich like this was something she heard every day. As she chewed, she breathed in thoughtfully and tilted her head. “Is that – is that rare?”

“That’s how I fucking feel!” Aventurine’s hands flew into the air dramatically, with Topaz muttering ‘here we go’ under her breath but he couldn’t possibly care. “Our first kiss was yesterday, yesterday!”

“I thought you guys like, slept together.”

Aventurine pulled at the skin underneath his eyes with gloved hands. “You know what he does, too, he says I can’t say ‘like,’ and that it’s a filler word. If I told him I wanted to fuck I think he’d get angry at me for my use of vocabulary and fucking ignore it!”

“Yeah, he’s said that to me too. The ‘like’ thing.” Topaz split her sandwich in half, offering the last bit to Numby and kissing the top of his head. “Sweet lil’ boy. My sweet little baby, yes you are! Mama’s sweet lil’ trotter.”

For some reason, Aventurine was jealous that Ratio dared correct someone else on their grammar, that it wasn’t just some weird kink of his. Did Ratio have weird kinks? God Aventurine fucking hoped so. He’d have to ask. “I want him so bad.”

Topaz kept mumbling to Numby, kissing the top of his head over and over again. “Like astronomically,” Aventurine continued, cupping his face in his hand. “I’m gonna go crazy.”

“Stop talking about how horny you are in front of my sweet baby.” 

Aventurine shot stupid Topaz a glare and pulled out his phone to text Ratio.

Thanks for the lunch baby. Very tasty. 

Ratio was clearly sitting on the couch, kicking his feet in the air waiting for Aventurine to text him. Glad to hear that. Did you like the apples?

Yes I love apples. Anything to make Ratio happy. Can we hang out when I get home plsss plsplsplspls. 

Hopefully Ratio would get the memo that hanging out could quite literally be anything he wanted it to be. But he probably wouldn’t, and he probably didn’t. Of course. I was wondering – do you have a home gym? Or any workout equipment?

I’ll only tell if u promise to send me pictures

Grammar, punctuation. Also, no. 

“Are you sexting right now?” Topaz gasped and tossed a piece of trash at him. “Grosss!! You’re gross!!” 

“I’m not fucking –” Aventurine grabbed the piece of trash and shot up out of his chair, but Topaz was faster, grabbing her bag and running down the corridor. 

When Aventurine stepped inside of his home after dark (after tipping his favorite taxi driver,) he noticed one, major thing: it smelt like bleach. Ratio had clearly been cleaning up the party mess all day. Damn it. Did he not know Aventurine was rich enough to not have to clean up his own messes?

Aventurine pursed his lips and started up the stairs. Some devilish, perverted part of his mind wanted to catch Ratio jerking off, but that was unlikely. He was beginning to believe Ratio didn’t even fucking masturbate. It would explain his weird celibacy. 

Unsurprisingly, he found Ratio reading in a chair in the bedroom Aventurine had (regrettably) assigned him. Ratio’s eyes flickered up to him the moment he stepped in the doorway, gazing at him past dark waves that drifted into his eyes. Aventurine stepped over to him to drag the doctor’s hair out of his face. “How was your day?” Ratio asked politely, smiling. Politely. 

Why couldn’t he just be unethical for once. Aventurine smiled anyway. “It was good. Wish you were there.”

Ratio had a tendency to look at him like a surprised child. It was endearing, as if he had never been flirted with in his life. The thought almost made Aventurine laugh. Ratio cleared his throat. Like he always fucking did. 

“Did you find the gym?”

“I did.”

“Bummer.”

Ratio looked up at him again, confused. “..why?”

Aventurine let the silence linger for a moment, so Ratio could think. He did this a lot. It was entertaining, watching the cogs turn in the so-called brilliant scholar’s mind. And then he’d opt to tilt his head and smile at oblivious little Veritas. “No reason.”

Aventurine was beginning to hate this desk chair Ratio was sitting in. It would not support both of them.

Hm. He thought back, momentarily, to the time he’d fooled Ratio into thinking Avgins went into heat. Maybe this was true. That, or he was just.. Predestined to be eternally horny. It was beginning to feel incredibly inconvenient.

Ratio set down his book and folded his hands together, offering Aventurine his full attention, which he grabbed and swallowed. “Would you like to embrace one another?”

“What.” Aventurine stilled. What was wrong with him? Was something about the word cuddle informal? 

“..so.. No..? Sorry.” 

Ratio was looking especially punchable today. Perhaps he was too gorgeous – yes, that was it. Aventurine swiveled on his heel and kicked off his shoes before plopping down on Ratio’s bed, staring up at the ceiling.

He could sense Ratio’s eyes on him. Aventurine rubbed his face and looked up at him. “Are you gonna come embrace me or what?”

“Hmph.” Aventurine could hear Ratio step up out of his chair and closed his eyes. If he had any fucking sense, he would not embrace him. He would kiss his neck, unbutton his shirt, teasingly, one by one, run his fingers up Aventurine’s chest.. And.. and..

And nope, here he was, laying down next to Aventurine with respect! Being nice and romantic. 

Biteable. Very biteable. 

Aventurine turned to him anyway, buried his face in the crook of Ratio’s neck. 

He had worked out. Aventurine could smell it on him. Tried not to tense. Tried not to think about it. Failed miserably. “Question.”

“Is not a sentence,” Ratio’s voice was deep, low and vibrating in his throat. Aventurine squeezed his eyes shut. Stupid doctor. “Please rephrase.”

“M’ gonna fucking kill you.”

“‘Gonna’ isn’t a word.” Aventurine huffed out of his nose and tightly wrapped his arms around Ratio’s torso, sticking his tongue out of his mouth to press it against the doctor’s neck. Taste him.

This close, he could feel Ratio’s breath hitch, hear it, low in his chest. Ratio pulled away. Why. Whyyy did he keep fucking doing that, why was he not getting the fucking memo – how many times would Aventurine have to kiss him until he did? “Doc.”

Ratio breathed in, shaky, turning to him gently. “Hm?”

Aventurine stared up at him, into his beautiful amber eyes. Such a pretty color, like jewels. Aventurine had frequently thought of commissioning a bracelet or ring in that same shade of amber. “What’s the plan, here?”

Ratio blinked down at him. Not getting it. “Are you oblivious on purpose, baby?”

The doctor’s brows furrowed. “Meaning?”

Great Qlipoth, Veritas. Meaning please stop holding back before I blow my brains out because I cannot fucking take it anymore. Aventurine sat up and folded his arms. “So – yes, you are oblivious on purpose?”

Ratio followed, crossing his legs and Aventurine had to force himself not to look between them with regard to the sliver of respect he still had for him.

(..obviously he had a lot more than a sliver. If he were forced, with a gun pointed to his head, to trust someone, it would be sweet, stupid Veritas.) 

Ratio licked his teeth thoughtfully behind his lips and Aventurine became jealous of his tongue. Something about Ratio made him feel like a disgusting, rabid animal, and he loved every moment of it. Something about being out of control without needing to have sex. Yes. This was what Ratio would be able to give him. 

The doctor straightened his back. “Did you not want to embrace?”

Aventurine’s eye twitched. Ratio must’ve seen this because he drew back a little. He stood up, out of the bed, and stretched, like stupid Veritas did every morning after he got out of bed. “I’m gonna go hop in the shower,” so I can jerk off, but I won’t tell you that because you’ll berate me for being VULGAR. “Then we’ll have dinner? And go sleep?”

“Go to sleep?”

“I say what I mean, babe. I said go sleep. We’ll go sleep.”

Ratio stared at him. Probably thought he was an idiot. Hopefully, at the very least, Ratio thought he was a cute one.

Chapter Text

Ratio was astonished by the amount of things he had to buy not only in the morning, but while Aventurine was at work. For such a rich man, his house was rather empty and devoid of useful items. It felt more like a hotel. 

The gym was nice, though. Aside from the dust on everything but the treadmill. Ratio, briefly, wondered who the gym had actually been installed for. Then he got jealous and stopped thinking about it. 

Aventurine had been in the shower for a little too long – long enough for Ratio to almost finish the dish he was making. Sushi and bubble tea, reminiscent of their time on Edo Star. A nice dinner, one that Aventurine deserved, but Ratio refused to venture out into Pier Point and make himself a known public entity for any longer than was required.

So.. here he was. Hovering over a plate and making sushi with an apple garnish. Briefly, he questioned whether or not the decorations were necessary — but it was Aventurine. So obviously it was necessary. 

Once he had gotten everything together — their shared plate and two drinks — he sat patiently at Aventurine’s grand dinner table, waiting. He could imagine Aventurine entertaining a dinner party here. Laughing, beaming, sneaking under the table to suck him off, smiling, charming.

He blinked. Before he could correct his thought, Aventurine stepped in, wearing loose clothes with his hair threatening to drip on the floor.

Ratio cleared his throat and tried not to look at him for too long. “I have made bubble tea and california rolls. I would have done something with fresh salmon, but the fish at the local supermarket did not look up to my standards.”

“All good,” Aventurine dipped in to kiss his temple, lingered, and then kissed his cheek, moving over to sit at one of the adjacent chairs. “No chopsticks?”

“I noticed you are uncomfortable using them, so I decided to teach you proper finger etiquette.”

Aventurine stared at him for a few moments, unreadable, and Ratio picked up a piece of sushi as a demonstration and ate it.

Aventurine smiled partially. “Thanks.”

The gambler ate a few pieces, took a sip of his drink, and then reached out to grab another piece, leaning forward to pop it into Ratio’s mouth. Unexpectedly, his thumb drew across Ratio’s lip. 

Ratio breathed in. Aventurine’s hands moved back into his own space. 

The gambler beamed at him, resting a cheek in his hand. “Okay. Feed me now.”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

Ratio paused. Aventurine’s grin remained on his face, clear and evident. There was no question as to whether or not Aventurine knew the effect those words had on him. The doctor turned away, pulling himself closer to the table. Just in case. “I told you not to say that.”

When Aventurine’s hands snaked forward to one of Ratio’s that was spread on the table, Ratio pulled away, collecting a piece of sushi and going to feed Aventurine when the idiot gambler stuck his tongue out of his mouth. Ratio pulled back. “Aventurine.”

Regrettably, Ratio’s cock twitched anyway. Damn it! Aventurine is not an object, there is no point in thinking about.. about the way his tongue would feel.. against.. the sensitive head of his cock — or.. or the way his come would spill out into his mouth, or..

Or..

Um..

“I’m waiting,” Aventurine said with a drawl, smirking at him, and Ratio pushed the roll into his mouth and fully ignored the way Aventurine’s tongue graced his fingertip.

Okay. He did not ignore it, and would think about it later. At least he was learning to be honest with himself.

“I have to go clean up,” Ratio dismissed, unsure how he would manage to stand up from the table with Aventurine watching over him like a hawk. “So.”

Aventurine watched him expectantly with that stupid eternal smirk. 

Ratio cleared his throat. “So..”

The gambler lingered for a few more moments before standing. “Come tuck me into bed when you’re done,” he offered, kissing Ratio’s temple again and gathering up his drink to swallow.. uh — swallow the.. 

..Last of the drink, obviously. 

When he was gone, Ratio’s hands buried into his hair. 

Doing the dishes was not an arousing chore. This was for the better. It helped Ratio calm down, helped him ground himself. Perhaps Aventurine wanted to embrace before bed.

Maybe embrace was the wrong word?

After everything was put away, he headed up the stairs and down the hallway, towards Aventurine’s room, lightly knocking on the doorframe so as to not scare him. “You wanted me?”

..that sounded forward, suggestive, vulgar. And for some reason it made Aventurine smile from underneath his covers, and he set his phone on the nightstand. “C’mere.”

Ratio wavered in the doorway and then started forward, stilling at the edge of the bed. “I am here,” he said objectively.

“Damn it, Ratio.” Aventurine sat up and grabbed his arm to pull him forward. Ratio crashed into the bed on his stomach with an ‘oof’ and twisted around so that he was sitting, legs folded over the bed. 

Aventurine climbed up on top of him, hovering over him, and Ratio’s face flushed immediately. This was not an embrace. He had not read a book on this. Oh no! Oh noooo!! 

Aventurine leaned forward, brushing his nose against the doctor’s. Citrus. 

Okay. This was terrifying. Ratio was terrified. When Aventurine kissed him, just like he had a day before (and he had been fine, and he had reacted normally,) he remained still. Aventurine pulled back, eyes furrowed, and tried to kiss him again. 

And then he gave up, rolling over so that he was laying beside him. 

Ratio pressed his lips together. If Aventurine would give him an actual heads up about these stupid things, maybe he’d be better!  

Aventurine sat up and folded his legs. “So. I’m probably gonna have a little party tomorrow. Just a small get-together.”

“Okay.”

“But I know those aren’t really your thing. You could check out the Pier Point Intelligentsia extension and come back whenever it closes. Everyone should be gone by then.” 

Ratio tapped his fingers on his stomach and breathed in, staring up at the ceiling. Parties were absolutely not his thing. But could Aventurine take care of himself, like he was supposed to?

..of course he could. He was an adult, not an infant. He turned on his side to face Aventurine, whose face was generally indiscernible. 

The gambler’s hair fell gently onto the bed, unkempt, as Aventurine had neglected to style it after his shower. Ratio reached out to touch it, massage it between his fingers to memorize the texture. 

As he examined Aventurine, he was beginning to near a realization. The Aventurine that had left him in Edo Star felt a lot different than this one. More guarded, less authentic.. forced. Wrong. 

He reached out to grab Aventurine’s hips and pull him close, resting his nose on Aventurine’s temple. He considered kissing him here, decided not to out of respect, and then remembered that he was allowed to do that now. So he did.

Aventurine’s muscles contorted under his lips negatively, into a frown. Ratio shifted. “I apologize.. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I just.. don’t really get you at all.” 

Ratio blinked, eyelashes fluttering against Aventurine’s skin. “Let’s communicate,” he offered, having finished his book on mending relationships.

“That’s alright.”

“No, I.. I would like to communicate. I have noticed an unwelcome change in your behavior. Is it my fault?”

Aventurine’s chest rose and fell ever so gently, and Ratio watched this effortless sign of life. He wondered if Aventurine allowed himself to breathe in front of other people or if this was a vulnerability that he only dared share with one special colleague. “I should probably go to bed.”

“That is fine. Communication can wait.” Ratio pulled him in closer and shut his eyes. To his dismay, Aventurine squirmed out of his grasp and sat up, fixing his clothes absently.

Ratio’s smile fell. “..have I done something wrong?”

Aventurine shook his head and reached up to rub his face, to hide. Ratio was beginning to sense some unease, but he couldn’t tell if it was from himself or if it was from Aventurine. 

But he could take a hint, contrary to popular belief, so he bid Aventurine goodnight and headed off into his own room that he was beginning to have a distaste for. 

Ratio told himself he’d be at the Intelligentsia Guild, but this was never a solid, realistic plan. No. He would stay here, in the same building as Aventurine or whoever that imposter was. 

The day had disappeared quickly, unlike all of the people who were crowding the only place Ratio could call home on this decrepit planet. A little get together. New Aventurine was a liar.

Regrettably, he never let the gambler out of his sight and he felt like an absolute stalker for doing so. Aventurine did not need to be infantilized, he did not need to be watched. But he was much too reckless, too careless. So Ratio watched him, from the balcony, from a distant chair, from any safe distance, just to be sure. Just in case. 

The doctor approached Aventurine at the kitchen island, which had been so empty and calm just hours earlier. But no. Now it was almost as bad as that damn casino. He watched Aventurine drink, wordlessly, pushing away his half-empty glass when it was offered out to him. 

“Jade’s gonna be here soon,” Aventurine said in passing, giving Ratio his glass not so that he could share it but so that he could fill it. Naturally, Ratio filled it with fresh water from the fridge, unwilling to participate in Aventurine’s borderline alcoholism. 

Just a small get together. But now people were shoving past him and making him press up against the all-too-warm cabinet of the kitchen island. These people did not smell nice, either. Ratio’s nose scrunched distastefully.

“When is everyone leaving?” The doctor asked, and Aventurine just smiled at him.

Ratio was beginning to hate Pier Point. Something about it changed Aventurine. Maybe it was because this was his territory now. Maybe this was because there were no house rules anymore. Maybe he finally had an excuse to be reckless again. 

Ratio’s shoulders deflated. Jade came up from behind Aventurine, looming over him and pressing her hands to his shoulders. Along with her came the scent of amber and musk. Ratio made a mental note to figure out what every Stoneheart smelt like. 

Perhaps they each had a tailored perfume. “Hello, Dr. Ratio,” Jade cooed, a sly smirk adorned on her sharp, fox-like features as she stared at him from across the table.

Something must’ve clicked here. Ratio realized that it was not Pier Point that had changed Aventurine – it was Jade. 

As much as Ratio wanted to linger, read Aventurine’s expression and listen in on every word the two of them exchanged, he stepped away.. Still watching from a distance, of course, for safety reasons. It was highly unlikely that Jade was even a remotely safe person for Aventurine to be around. 

Jade spoke to her version of Aventurine with utter pride for the person she’d carved. A bottle of red wine sat between the two of them – for them, and only for them, as they took turns pouring each other glasses, with Aventurine’s disappearing about three times as fast as Jade’s did. Aventurine was a terrible wine drinker – he never savored, only drank, like it was beer, like it wasn’t meant to be tasted but instead be used. 

Aventurine spoke like Aventurine of Stratagems and nothing like Kakavasha here, all boisterous and inauthentic. He wondered if Jade would ever, in any circumstance, be graced with knowing who Kakavasha was, or if she had seen that boy and intentionally destroyed him. Perhaps she thought Kakavasha was worthless. Perhaps that was why he was now Aventurine instead.

Hours easily could’ve passed here, and Ratio would’ve had no idea. Watching the two talk – watching fake Aventurine talk, now that he knew, loosely, who he actually was, felt like torture. Aventurine had seen him once and never looked at him again. The gambler knew he was there, in a corner, watching him shamelessly, and did nothing about it, didn’t acknowledge him. 

Aventurine stood up from his chair and stumbled. Jade collected her empty bottle of wine. 

This was Ratio’s cue, so he weaved – well. Shoved his way through the crowd to collect Aventurine. This was not the same person he’d shared a home with on Edo Star, as he was beginning to realize, but that person was still.. Somewhere there. Just stuck, for some reason. And so he still deserved to be taken care of. 

When Ratio reached out to collect Aventurine in his arms, Jade grabbed onto the gambler’s wrist. 

Their eyes met instantly – cold, light ice against burning amber – and Ratio tried to tug his Aventurine away, whereas Jade seemed adamant on taking her Aventurine in his arms instead. “Let him go,” Ratio thought he had said, but he’d actually growled it. 

“Excuse me?” Jade didn’t seem offended, but surprised, like she’d never been given a command in her entire life. “He has a room in my home,” probably an equally disgusting, endlessly undeserved mansion, “rest assured–”

“Let him go,” Ratio repeated, interrupting her as if he’d been waiting to do it all of his life. 

Aventurine didn’t say anything. His eyes flickered between the two of them as if he was a toddler only just beginning to grasp social exchanges. Ratio stood up straighter. “I do not believe that he is particularly safe in your care.” 

“Like you won’t take advantage of him?” Jade accused him with a sharp, blade-like voice that he had never heard from her before. Before he could retaliate, Aventurine opened his idiot mouth.

“By the way,” the gambler said, pressing into Ratio, “you have full permission to do that.”

Ratio, suddenly, was horrified. Maybe he should let Jade take him home. 

..absolutely not. Ratio was disgusted at himself for even entertaining the idea. Aventurine, thankfully, shook Jade’s hand free and wrapped himself around Ratio like an accessory. 

Ratio tightened his grip and flashed Jade a glare. “What is the point of making him drink like this, again?”

“He can make his own decisions.”

“Yeah, Doc. I can make my own decisions,” Aventurine said daringly, not as drunk as he usually was when he needed rescuing but still drunk enough to slur a little. Ratio huffed, turning away from Aventurine’s prying eyes and grabbing onto his wrist to take him upstairs and put him to bed. Regrettably, he did not have a chance to push past Jade.

The alcohol took a much harsher effect on Aventurine as Ratio tried to put him to bed. Each and every time he tried to force him underneath the blankets and shut off the lights, with the party dying down below them, Aventurine would get out and follow him down the hallway.

Ratio turned around the third time he did this, grumbling as he pressed a hand to the stumbling Aventurine’s shoulder. This was not the person he signed up to share a home with. “Please go to bed.”

“You know what would help me fall asleep?”

Ratio straightened his back, eager to hear any hint of an idea as he guided the gambler back to his room. “What?”

“Sex,” Aventurine stifled a giggle and turned around to press into Ratio, who did not find this arousing in the slightest. When the doctor pulled away, Aventurine’s face contorted into a frown. “Doc.”

Ratio shook his head. He was not a monster. The alcohol would only continue to settle in as time went on and eventually Aventurine would become even more of an idiotic mess than he already was. Ratio forced Aventurine to sit down on the bed, and the gambler huffed. “Doc.”

“No.”

“Fuck me.”

Ratio looked away. “Absolutely not.”

“Pleaseee. Please.”

Ratio grabbed one of Aventurine’s wandering hands that was moving down to his waist and forced it away. “Stop it. I’m not a monster.”

“Be a monster, then!” Aventurine broke into a drunken giggle, colorful, blown eyes gazing up at Ratio. They lacked all and every sense of arousal, obvious enough to make the doctor wonder why the hell Aventurine was trying so hard. “Please.”

“I have zero interest in taking advantage of you.”

“Baby, come on. People do that all the time,” Aventurine said this in a disgustingly casual manner, drifting closer, smiling like he hadn’t just.. Just.. “You have my permission.”

Ratio shut the door to his room and locked himself inside. It wasn’t likely that Aventurine was better off with Jade. 

But he’d stay there for the night anyway. At least, at Jade’s, he couldn’t go looking for someone to.. To.. 

Ratio breathed in, dismissing the thought as if it wasn’t the most positively uncomfortable idea he had ever experienced in all his life. 

Chapter Text

Aventurine squirmed against the sunlight that choked him awake. He tossed a blanket over his head, only for it to be promptly torn off by a different hand.

He hoped it was Ratio’s hand, that he had fallen asleep next to him. But this.. presence, was too feminine. When the same hand that had torn his blanket away reached out to press against his cheek, his eyes fluttered open. Jade’s hands were soft. Somehow, they weren’t calloused, like her body didn’t claim the work she did. “Good morning, child.” 

She smiled down at him warmly, and Aventurine sat up, rubbing at his eyes. The first thing he could properly think: “thirsty.”

And Jade obliged, holding out a glass of water she’d prepared, running her fingers through his hair as she moved to sit beside him on the bed. Aventurine drank the glass like he was dying of thirst, and when it was empty, Jade called one of her butlers to fill it back up again. 

She smoothed out Aventurine’s hair, pulling a ball of fuzz out and flicking it across the room. “I gave you the day off.”

Aventurine rubbed at his eyes again, trying to free himself of the grogginess. When Jade’s butler returned, she took the glass from him and held it up to Aventurine’s lips, pressing her fingertips into his shoulder. Firm. Grounding.

Aventurine breathed out, shut his eyes and drank the water, leaning back into her when the glass was empty and taken away again. She held him delicately, like his mother would’ve, and the reminder was enough to prick his eyes with tears. 

Jade remained silent for a few moments, nails running delicate circles into his scalp. “You had a nightmare,” she noted observantly. 

Aventurine said nothing. Those were not to be acknowledged when they were over. 

When Aventurine met Jade downstairs in clothing she’d picked out for him, she grabbed his arm and guided him into the dining room. It was much like his own, but featuring deeper greens and purples, smelling.. Jadey.

When the two sat, Jade’s butler brought forth cucumber sandwiches and a side salad for each of them. Aventurine scoured the salad visually, just for a moment, taking note of the extreme absence of apples. 

He took a sip of the water beside him, ice cubes shaking in the glass that stung, cold against his fingertips. Jade brushed some lint off his coat. “This shirt looks good on you,” she noted, and Aventurine turned down to look at the black button up. He felt strange, without some sort of buckle or harness on. Like he was naked, almost, which felt incredibly ironic and stupid. With Jade’s other hand, she held a cucumber sandwich, legs crossed over one another. “Aventurine.”

Aventurine’s eyes flickered up to her, his hands remaining on his lap, as if he were somehow afraid to touch the food. Like this wasn’t what Jade made him every time he had a hangover. “Hm?”

“I do hope you’ll use your day off to sort out whatever.. Relationship – is that what you’d call it?”

Aventurine was suddenly much more interested in his food and picked up a fork to stab at his salad, since he couldn’t stab Jade. 

“Well, whatever,” Jade flicked a crumb off her fingertip distastefully. “He is quite possessive. I have a feeling that’ll be a problem in the coming months.” 

Aventurine stabbed at his salad further, curious to see how much he could fit onto his fork. 

Ratio wasn’t home when Aventurine got back, so Aventurine started up the stairs, into his room, and paused upon seeing three books placed on his neat, freshly made bed. 

His phone dinged, and he stepped forward, gazing down at the evenly spaced titles. Dealing With the Past. Accepting Vulnerability. Healing: The World’s Most Nonlinear Process. 

Aventurine stifled a laugh. Stupid, sweet Veritas. Clearly he’d said something too upsetting for him last night. Aventurine stacked the books and set them on his nightstand – he’d read them, maybe, only because the entire gesture had Dr. Veritas Ratio written all over it. Just to entertain him. He plopped down on his bed, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and resting his hands on the sliver of exposed skin that the bottom, undone buttons of his shirt were doing no effort to hide.

He had a tendency to make himself horny on accident. Ah. But. His phone. 

Maybe he could jerk off to Ratio’s messages, have Ratio spam him unknowingly with the vibrate feature on and press his phone against his cock. Wouldn’t be the first time he’s done that. Aventurine’s nose scrunched, and when he did it, he realized that was Ratio’s thing, and he was starting to absorb his stupid body language too. 

Let me know when you get home 2h

What are your favorite flowers? 2s

Trying to win me over?? :3 

Please do not use emoticons. 

D:<<<<< 

Please answer the question. It is from my book.

Gay ass book

Never mind.

Aventurine sat up, looming over his phone in distress. NOOO PLEASE GET ME FLOWERS BABY IM SO SORRY!!!!!! 

Ok. 

When stupid Veritas returned home, Aventurine was waiting for him in the doorway. He had other things to do, obviously, but waiting for Ratio like the needy stray dog he was felt more fulfilling. 

He came in with a couple of shopping bags – all reusable, like the good, pretty little housewife he was. So planet conscious (unlike the rest of Pier Point’s inhabitants, who all would happily dump black tar heroin into an ocean.) 

Aventurine graced Ratio’s hand as he took a bag from him and helped him bring them into the kitchen – well, until Ratio redirected him into the living room, and began to pull things out from the bag. Plants. Decorative towels. A weird amount of candles. Some bath oils, because he was Veritas. 

“Do you drink this?” Aventurine asked, holding up a rosemary bath oil purely to piss him off. Ratio grabbed it and neglected to answer. “Why’d you buy all this?”

Ratio reached forward to grab his gay ass messenger bag and pull out a book. “‘The Art of Homemaking’ suggests that the first step of making a house move comfortable is purchasing things such as plants and candles – it also suggests drawing away from the aesthetic of the house.”

Aventurine rested his cheek in his palm. Why wouldn’t he just let Aventurine blow him? “That’s cute.”

Ratio started to uncap the candles and offer them out to Aventurine to smell them. Aventurine pressed into him, and Ratio pressed back. Finally, something mutual. Upon sniffing one candle, Ratio sighed, and Aventurine freely wondered if he sounded as content during sex or if this was just a candle sniffing thing. Ratio frowned down at the label. “This smelt different in the store.”

“You smell good,” Aventurine muttered in passing.

“You also smell good, like citrus.”

“You smell like.. Masculine, and like.. Hot. You know. Some people just,” smell fuckable, but he didn’t want to scare Ratio away so he just stopped talking. 

Ratio thankfully decided not to be celibate today, because he made no attempt to move away. “A person’s scent goes far beyond their perfume – hormones such as testosterone and estrogen may produce different scents. Attraction and arousal will also slightly alter a person’s body chemistry. Everyone has a different scent in that way – along with body oils, which,”

“Well, yours smell really good.” 

Ratio paused. Aventurine decided to pull away, because this was weird. “My bad.”

“That’s alright!” Ratio said this way too fucking cheerfully, and Aventurine was forced to rest his face in his hands again as he looked at the candles and the plants and – ah. Ratio had, indeed, gotten him flowers. When the doctor saw his eyes on them, he reached out to collect them. “The book also suggests livening your home up with familiar scents – I wasn’t sure which flowers you liked best, so I purchased a general arrangement, so I hope–” Aventurine kissed his cheek gently, which should not have been enough to get Ratio to stop talking, but it was. 

Ratio turned, face flushed, and Aventurine kissed him again, grabbing the flowers out of his hand and gently setting them aside. “Thank you, baby.”

Ratio wavered for a moment, but he didn’t look uncomfortable. He seemed stuck, almost trance like, as if Aventurine had some intoxicating effect on him. But he didn’t move, and the corner of Aventurine’s lip curved for the sake of self-comfort. “Doc?”

The doctor’s eyes shut in response and Aventurine met his lips again. It was slow and awkward at first, unsure, and slightly painful given the fact that Ratio had nowhere to put his perfect nose with the way their faces meshed together. 

Meh. They’d figure it out. Aventurine parted to crawl into his lap, and when Ratio hesitated, the gambler took a moment to brush some dark waves out of his hair. “I just wanna kiss you, honey. Is that okay?”

Aventurine wasn’t used to not being tossed around and wanted feverishly – he wasn’t used to having to ask these things, he wasn’t used to having any control over situations he willingly put himself in. Ratio just stared at him like an idiot. Aventurine looked back down at him like he was an idiot. This was deserved. Aventurine kissed him again, trying to ease him into something, anything. Ratio tried to kiss back, but he was too nervous, like some fucking teenager who’d never done this before.

Aventurine huffed. “Doc?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What is the problem?”

Maybe Aventurine didn’t look good enough today. Maybe Ratio didn’t even like him at all after he’d walked into the door – saw him all unprepared, decided this entire relationship (or whatever the fuck it was) was a huge waste of time. “If you don’t find me attractive–”

“What?” Ratio’s eyes shot open. 

Aventurine huffed. “Then just say so, I mean. You’re making me look like an idiot.”

Ratio stared at him, with his nervous amber eyes and pretty red eyeshadow. He looked good every day. There was no doubt about that. “I–” He huffed and turned away. “Objectively, you–”

“No, not objectively. What do you actually think? You. Veritas Ratio.”

Ratio looked away again. Perhaps this was too much for a celibate. Aventurine rolled over next to him, fucking again, and folded his arms to guard himself.

Silence. Ratio cleared his throat like he always fucking did. “I’m.. not great with words, in this sense.. I hope you understand.” 

“I don’t, but whatever.”

Ratio shrunk into the couch. “I would.. Describe you as visually appealing.”

Aventurine’s hands flew up to his face, and Ratio kept talking. “You possess a very attractive physical appearance.”

“Please talk like a normal person.”

Ratio peeled Aventurine’s hands away from his face, delicately, tenderly, and avoided his eyes. “It’s just not something I thought I’d have to tell you. I thought you knew.”

Aventurine squinted at him. “Knew what?”

Ratio looked like he’d dropped a jar of marbles on the floor and was frantically trying to scoop them up. Stupid Veritas.

Well. Sweet Veritas, actually. “I thought you knew, you’re – you’re very pretty, for a man.” Ratio cleared his throat. “Beautiful, objectively.”

Aventurine would not let this soften him. Jade would be unhappy with him. Ratio moved up to push some blonde strands of hair out of Aventurine’s face and sighed. “Words – affectionate ones, fail me quite often. So I prefer to express these things through, um – cooking, or–”

“Buying candles.”

“Yes! And flowers.” Ratio scooped up the bouquet again and presented it to him happily.

Stupid, cute Veritas. Aventurine looked away and smiled. And then his smile faded. “Why does it feel like.. You’re not.. Really.. Into me, then?”

“Have I given you that impression?”

Have I given you that impression. No, you fucking idiot, most people would avoid an “attractive” person offering them sex. Most people would avoid an “attractive” person trying to kiss him. Aventurine pressed his fingers into his eyes, feeling an ache in his stomach. He hated communicating. “Multiple times.”

“I am very sorry. Please tell me when so I can attempt to explain myself.”

“Veritas,” stupid Veritas. Ratio got tensed when he was called this, like Aventurine was seconds away from punching him. Tempting, but he’d never do that. “Edo Star. The day we left, you rejected me. You looked at me like I was a fucking whore.”

Aventurine hated to wallow in front of other people. Especially when they weren’t Jade. She would’ve huffed, offered a quick, simple solution and told him to toughen up. He had thought this was the type of person Ratio was when he first met him. But, nope! Here he was, pulling him into a hug. Probably read it in that stupid fucking book about delicate people.

When Aventurine had first seen Ratio reading it, he thought it was endearing. Now it just made him feel pathetic. So did this hug. 

Ratio put his head atop Aventurine’s and rubbed his back, and Aventurine decided to surrender to the feeling. Ratio would hurt him again, it was inevitable, so might as well get it over with sooner rather than later. 

Deafening silence. What is the point of being vulnerable again? 

“I did not.. mean to make you feel that way,” Aventurine desperately wanted to shove a piece of tape over his mouth. “It just.. felt inauthentic.”

“That’s great, thanks.”

“No, I mean — like you.. like some part of you hated it,” Aventurine pulled away from the hug immediately. No. He fucking hated this, he hated being read and he needed to ship Ratio home immediately. This should not have made him want to cry. Nothing should make him want to fucking cry. “I don’t want to.. it felt transactional. You’re.. worth more than that.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Aventurine grabbed a hold of his arms. This was such a mistake, letting Ratio in. Nobody could know him like this. Nobody at all. He’d quite literally rather be fucking dead. “I know what I’m worth.”

Nothing. 

He was in his home. But between the nightmares and this disgusting fucking reminder of what sort of person he was, he was starting to fall out of the world, back into the frontier prison, where everything was transactional, everything was — he was never safe, never.. safe. Never safe.

The brand on his neck stung.

“Sweetheart,” said Ratio, not some.. looming monster, with his voice all small and caring like Aventurine was some fucking kid, “I didn’t mean to make you cry..”

“I’m not,” Aventurine spat quickly, reaching up to wipe his face and stand up, away from the couch. “I don’t — I don’t care.” 

Ratio followed him. Like the smallest distance between them would have Aventurine crumbling onto the floor. Maybe this was true? Ratio grabbed the hands that Aventurine was forcing into his arms and held them. Not to hurt him, not to tie them up, but to ground him.

“I can run you a bath,” he offered, and Aventurine knew better than to say no. He knew what happened when he said no. “We could also do some baking. Whatever you’d like.”

Aventurine stared at the hands Ratio was trying so hard to hold. Why was this happening to him? Why had he become so soft, so delicate, that he couldn’t answer a basic question?

Aventurine took a few moments. Blocked everything out, blinked, woke back up. “Just shoot me,” he said, seriously for a moment, and then broke into a giggle.

This totally freaked Ratio out, but this was how he dealt with things. 

Ratio made lunch while Aventurine remained in the living room, far from the doctor’s analytical gaze. 

He considered jerking off in here, so that when Ratio brought him his food, maybe, just maybe, he’d curl his fingers around Aventurine’s cock and stroke him, lazily, nervously, but he’d do it. 

Aventurine squirmed and Ratio brought food into the living room before he got the chance to pull his cock out. Maybe tomorrow? 

Ratio sat very close to him. Aventurine turned, having no interest in food right now. “For the record — don’t analyze me again.” 

“Noted.” 

“I’ll literally graphically kill myself in front of you.”

Ratio paused, a spaghetti noodle hanging out of his mouth. “Mhkay,” he murmured, mouth full, and he grabbed a napkin to wipe his face. “Please don’t do that. Eat your spaghetti.”

“Are you celibate?” Ratio choked on his food. “Like — have you devoted yourself to virginity, or maybe even — are you a Roman Catholic now, did Sunday convert you?”

Fuckkk. Sunday. Sunday wouldn’t be a fucking celibate. He could easily convince Sunday to go crazy on him within the correct circumstances. Ratio’s voice brought him away from the horny paradise Aventurine had made himself. “I am not a virgin, so I cannot—“

“Whatever.”

“Do I act like one?”

“Well, you don’t kiss me, for starters.”

“Aventurine, I need to make something adequately clear,” Ratio turned to him and Aventurine was ready to get yelled at. Maybe he could make it sexy somehow. “I have never been in an established relationship before.”

“Loser.”

Maybe Ratio would slap him. But no, he just looked mildly annoyed, so Aventurine added, “zero points.”

“What — what is the matter with you?”

“I’m horny as fuck,” Aventurine spat with malice, “and no matter what fucking tactic I use on you you just will not touch me.”

Ratio paused. Aventurine fucking swore on Qlipoth (never on the Mother Goddess) that he could see Ratio’s eyes darken. He could literally reach out right now and grab his cock if he wanted to! He could do it! 

But stupid Ratio turned back to his plate and cleared his throat. “I’m eating.”

Aventurine threw himself back on the couch and Ratio started eating faster like he was trying to escape. “For fuck’s sake,” Aventurine muttered under his breath, shutting his eyes. 

He’d have a semi all fucking day at this point. This was stupid, this was so fucking stupid and he was seconds away from throwing a fit but the moment he opened his eyes to explain Ratio crawled over him. 

Aventurine stared at him. Before he could say anything, glance at Ratio’s plate to see if it was empty or, or—

Ratio kissed him, with some insane, innate type of primal hunger that would’ve been terrifying if it wasn’t the most attractive fucking thing in the universe. Unfortunately he tasted like spaghetti sauce and not like Ratio, but, whatever. Ratio’s tongue was very much welcome, warm, strong, powerful over him, he could shove it down Aventurine’s throat if he wanted and he wouldn’t even cringe. He’d just suck on it like he was doing now. 

Ratio tried to pull away, just to catch some air. But Aventurine did not, and would not let him. Ratio pressed his tongue against Aventurine’s which was almost enough to make him come right fucking there, untouched, but no, nono. He had to wait. He had to be good, so he could memorize this, think about it later. 

For only his second (er, fourth, technically, but those other ones didn’t count) time kissing Aventurine, Ratio was.. experienced. Not in the same way Aventurine was, but — ah. Perhaps observant was the right word, because every time Aventurine had to stifle a moan in reaction to a particular bite on his lip Ratio would just do it again. 

So he wasn’t celibate! This was fucking fantastic news!

Ratio pulled away to kiss the corner of his mouth and when Aventurine tried to pull back, Ratio shoved him. So strong. So fucking hot, easily could’ve held him down and tied him up or done anything as long as it was something and Aventurine would be good, he’d take it, he’d do anything for this.

Literally. Anything. Ratio kissed his neck, nosing at it, breathing him in, and Aventurine started to feel like he was being edged. “I really wanted to take this slow,” the doctor muttered into his neck. 

“Well, we’re not fucking,” Aventurine expected Ratio to frown at his vulgarity but he breathed shakily into his neck like it was the hottest fucking thing he’d ever heard. “If you wanna just kiss,”

“No,” Ratio swallowed hard. “Absolutely not.”

..shit. Ratio definitely wasn’t celibate. Aventurine, assaulted by adrenaline, fell speechless. “I’ll get you off,” Ratio said after a few seconds — or, hours, maybe, of silence, “that’s all. Just so you stop.. doing whatever the fuck you’ve been doing recently.”

“I like it when you swear.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Ratio huffed. But — get you off, that wouldn’t work, where was the exchange? How was he supposed to know how big Ratio’s cock was if he couldn’t suck it? Or touch it? 

“..so. Are you gonna let me give you head?” Aventurine asked, and when Ratio shook his head he fell into dismay and shoved his head against the couch. “What the fuck? Why not?”

“Because you don’t need to,” Ratio answered simply, and Aventurine could feel just a hint of analysis there, but before he could retaliate in any way shape or form, Ratio pressed his knee in between Aventurine’s legs. 

It was a small touch. From anyone else, it would’ve been disappointing. But suddenly, Aventurine felt like his body had been set on fire. Ratio moved his knee just a little bit, enough to (pathetically) make Aventurine’s cock fill in obediently, twitch against his skin, and he knit his brows and stared up at the ceiling. 

“Leave me with some dignity at least,” Aventurine spat under his breath, hissing as Ratio fell into a rhythm of grinding his fucking knee against Aventurine’s cock. But he could still feel it. Through the layers of clothing – Ratio’s pants, Aventurine’s pants, Aventurine’s boxers – there was skin. Skin against skin. Ratio’s skin against his. “Doc. Come on.”

“You want me to stop?” Ratio asked, and immediately, Aventurine knew what he thought of him. But he shook his head anyway, stifling a whimper, because Ratio did not deserve to hear all of the sounds he’d been practicing for him if he was going to jerk him off with his fucking knee. 

“Would you just, f-fuck,” Aventurine squeezed his eyes shut. “Jerk me off, at the very least, I don’t – this is embarrassing,”

“We’re taking it slow, remember?”

Aventurine hated that he rolled his hips up into Ratio’s knee, he hated that he had no power for once in his miserable fucking life. He liked being out of control, but fuck, not like this at all. 

Okay. Maybe he did like it, a little bit. Maybe he liked being pathetic. Maybe he liked how it felt when he grinded against Ratio’s knee and humped it like a stupid little dog who didn’t have any manners. Maybe that was all he was. His legs should not have been shaking, this was not the kind of friction that should’ve ever got him off. “I hate you.”

“I’ll stop.”

“No!” Aventurine whined this too quickly, too pathetically, too.. Too.. “This is so– you’re so– mean..”

Aventurine, with his eyes closed, could feel Ratio smile as he breathed down on him. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

Aventurine was supposed to be better than this. He was not supposed to – his eyes shot open as Ratio’s hand moved down to palm at his erection instead. He would not get touched in the way he wanted to today. He’d accepted that. But he could come from this and it would be significantly less fucking pathetic. 

He swallowed. Maybe he should learn to appreciate this. He would never be able to get off like this ever again. “Are you too scared to jerk me off?” 

“I’m teaching you patience,” Ratio unbuttoned Aventurine’s jeans and the gambler was forced to double back on himself – maybe he would, maybe he’d – no, he just – kept palming him through his boxers now, but it was one step closer to what he wanted. “You can learn patience, can’t you?”

..yes, anything. 

Aventurine’s throat tightened and Ratio wrapped his hand around his cock through his boxers, stroking it in his big, strong hands. Aventurine’s cock twitched under his grasp, and he tried to hold back for just a moment, tried to be good, but all he could do was squirm helplessly, pathetically, as he came from the smallest, weakest fucking touches. And way more than he would’ve liked to admit, by the way, maybe he’d just been secretly edging himself without realizing it these past couple of months because his hearing blanked for just a second. But he squirmed, up against Ratio’s hand, trying so hard to get closer, even though Ratio was unrelenting and all he could do was chase the feeling. 

And Ratio hadn’t even touched him. Technically. 

Aventurine stared up at the ceiling and pushed Ratio’s hand away once it stilled, once he came down from the high.

If he weren’t recovering from a disgusting amount of bliss right now, he would be so pissed off. 

Chapter Text

Black Swan was always absent when Ratio actually wanted to tell her something.

Well. A couple of things: Aventurine was some sort of broken person. Aventurine had found his books and didn’t get mad at him. He had his first meaningful sexual encounter (he would not tell Black Swan the details. There was a small chance she had been watching regardless, because.. Well, Memokeepers. But he hoped that wasn’t the case, because Ratio would never be able to look at Aventurine again, much less touch him.)

Ratio shouldn’t have gotten all giddy about this, but he definitely was. He watched himself in the mirror of the indoor gym as he did his leg curls: Aventurine found something about this attractive. He had fallen into a schedule of only working out when Aventurine was absent. It was easier to avoid.. Dangerous situations that way.

He really did want to take things slow, progress through his first real relationship gradually. Yesterday’s fraternizing didn’t necessarily set things off from his attempted plan – he imagined it as a train going from point A to point B. Yesterday had just.. Shaken the train a little. Like turbulence. 

Ratio knitted his brows at the man in the mirror. Would the Astral Express have turbulence? Was it more like a plane in that sense, or more like a train?

Ah. Black Swan would surely know the answer to this. He was beginning to miss her.

In the kitchen, with Aventurine’s return home imminent, Ratio opened up his phone to text the Memokeeper. 

Where have you been?

Part of him never expected a response. Part of him was worried something had happened to her, but: 

You’ve been very brave all by yourself. I haven’t needed to interfere. :) 

He typically rejected emoticons but he figured this one could be fine. Aventurine stepped into the kitchen, and Ratio nearly jumped: he must not have heard the door open. 

Aventurine hugged him immediately. This was what Ratio had been looking for – he was beginning to recognize Aventurine again, through some miracle, and so when the gambler looked up at him fondly Ratio leaned down to kiss him. “How was your day?”

“A lot shorter than usual,” Aventurine said gently, standing up on the tips of his toes to press his lips against Ratio’s again in a way that made his heart flutter. He needed to tell his mother about this. She would be overjoyed to know that he could, indeed, hold a sweet, domestic relationship. “Jade hasn’t been scheduling me all that much.”

Ratio forced his eye not to twitch at Jade’s mention. “I didn’t know you two were close,” he asked, to test the waters. 

“Jade is the whole reason I’m a Stoneheart,” Aventurine explained softly, clearly thinking of this rabid woman fondly. “She takes good care of me. I love Jade.”

I do not, Ratio thought, but he supposed he could pretend, because Aventurine was still wrapped up in his arms and staring up at him like he was the most valuable, precious thing in his mansion. The corners of Ratio’s lips curved upwards, and Aventurine continued. “You’re a big reason she hasn’t been scheduling me. She wants me to – explore my relationship with you, whatever that means.”

Relationship. This was just a descriptive word. Nothing to get excited about. Aventurine pressed his cheek against Ratio’s chest, and the doctor briefly wondered if Aventurine was trying to check his heartbeat. It would race when Aventurine was near. Aventurine could’ve easily believed Ratio had hyperthyroidism. 

Well. Probably not. Aventurine would probably just know, because he had a tendency to do that. “You jerk off all day?”

“Is ‘how was your day, Veritas,’ not good enough for you? Do you have to make it vulgar?”

“Yea,” Aventurine squeezed his torso and Ratio’s heart rate picked up. “Did you?”

“I did not. I rarely engage in self-stimulation. It is a waste of time, usually.”

Aventurine let him go and rolled his eyes as he walked to the opposite side of the island. Aventurine acknowledged, now that he had finished his greetings, that there were plenty of different ingredients set out on the table. “I can teach you how to self-stimulate.”

“Well, then it wouldn’t be self-stimulation.”

Aventurine stared at him. Hard enough for Ratio to have to stifle a laugh and tilt his head to the side, dark waves falling over his face. “Anyway,”

“Yeah. Anyway.” Aventurine folded his arms, and Ratio’s smile grew. “What’s all this – since I know you desperately want me to ask.”

Ratio picked up a bunch of overripe bananas from the fruit basket (Aventurine did not originally have a fruit basket, so he had to make this purchase himself.) “We’re making banana bread!”

Aventurine’s hands flew up to his face and he stared at Ratio through his fingers. He shut his eyes, seemingly gathering patience (Ratio did this often himself.) “That’s great, baby. I’m very excited.”

“I read it in my book–”

“Your gay ass book?”

“Yes. ‘ A crucial step in homemaking is memories. You can make a house as homey as you possibly can, but until you’ve lived in it, it’ll never truly feel like yours.” Ratio quoted this directly, and then paused with a sigh. “Not how I would’ve worded it, though.”

Aventurine let out a humorous huff. “Oookay, Professor..”

“You may have noticed the bananas are quite ripe,” Ratio held them up closer to Aventurine so that he could examine them. “Ripe bananas, although generally unappealing to eat on their own, are essential to banana bread. They add an abundant amount of sweetness, meaning that sugar can be foregone.”  

Ratio set down the bananas and turned to collect the flour from the counter, and when he turned around, Aventurine was pressing his thumb into the side of a squishy banana. “Careful, that might rupture.”

“They’re flaccid,” Aventurine frowned. “This is so sad.”

“They’re bananas,” Ratio yanked them from Aventurine’s hand with furrowed brows. The bananas deserved respect, especially considering they were a mere system hour away from being eaten. 

Aventurine furrowed his brows and huffed before pushing his stool away and moving to stand next to Ratio. “So. What’s the plan, here.”

Well. “The plan is, I do all the work, you watch.” 

“So I’m decoration.”

“Precisely.” 

Aventurine tilted his head to the side, lips parting as he let out a sigh and hopped up on the counter. “What if, instead of making banana bread, you like, sloppily pushed me over the counter and we made out?”

Ratio flashed a glance at him. That did not sound like the worst idea in the world, but he was.. Plain and simple, dead set on making his banana bread. “Maybe later.”

Aventurine swayed his dangling legs on the countertop as Ratio started to measure out the flour. He did this without the need of a measuring cup – years of culinary training could do this to someone. Aventurine, like an idiot child, stuck his finger in the flour, and Ratio had to grab his wrist and pull it out. “Don’t do that.”

“But it’s soft!” When Ratio flashed him a glare and shifted aside to grab a measuring spoon to add baking powder, he saw Aventurine’s hand creep towards the bowl out of the corner of his eye.

Ratio shot him a glare and slapped it away.

Aventurine, to his distaste, bit his lip. “Ngh.”

“..what?” Ratio breathed in, trying to gather some.. Shred of patience to deal with this strange pervert sitting on the counter. “What is the matter with you? What the hell is that?”

Aventurine tossed his arms into a shrug and shook his head, and Ratio found some comfort in the gesture. Aventurine also did not understand his actions. 

Other than, uh, whatever that was, baking time went off without a hitch! 

Once the banana bread had cooled, Ratio cut off a few slices and lathered one with butter before offering it out to freshly showered Aventurine, whose hair was tucked behind his forehead with his glasses. 

“Smells good,” Aventurine offered, opening his mouth up and smiling gently at the taste. “Like a warm hug.”

Ratio grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled Aventurine’s side flush against his body so that the gambler would have a proper point of reference. He tried a slice himself, beaming down pridefully. “You look nice with your hair like that,” he noted loosely, and Aventurine stifled a laugh with his mouth full. “What?”

“Because I don’t! This is just me keeping my hair out of my eyes.” Aventurine grabbed his glasses and moved his hair back into his face, golden strands falling back in front of his colorful eyes and, unfortunately, hiding his features.

“But I have a better view of your bone structure. You have good bone structure,” Ratio noted this entirely out of innocence – during his adventure through his Fine Arts degree (only a bachelor, so Ratio seldom set this on his resume) he had learned the importance of adequate facial structure in sculpting. “You would be a good subject for a statue.”

Aventurine didn’t quip at this like Ratio expected him to. He simply flushed, turning away bashfully with a gentle grin on his features. Ratio removed the arm around him to slice up another piece of banana bread. 

Aventurine made his way upstairs while Ratio finished cleaning up the kitchen. Night was beginning to fall – his day was generally uneventful. He’d read four books – well. He remembered the contents of only three. Perhaps he was distracted reading the fourth.

His phone dinged. 

Come upstairs immediately i miss you dearest

It’s been five minutes.

[Aventurine transferred you 1,000,000 credits.]

Ratio’s eyes flew open and he quickly shut the fridge and started up the stairs. “Aventurine,” he called up, stressed, and pushed open the door to the gambler’s room. The man was happily cuddled up in his bed, phone set on the nightstand, and Ratio’s face fell. 

Ah. This was a trap! Ratio turned around to leave, open his phone and transfer the credits back, and then he realized he didn’t actually want to go anywhere. So he figured he would give Aventurine back this – absurd amount of money – after closing the door. 

[Aventurine is not accepting transfers at this time. Please try again later.]

“Gambler.”

“Ooo. You haven’t called me that in eons.”

..Ratio would’ve sworn this wasn’t true, but there were more important things happening right now. “I absolutely do not need all of this money. I demand you take it back.”

“A demand,” Aventurine giggled under his blankets, and Ratio was suddenly afraid to sleep in the same bed with him. Or share a room with him. Or share a house with him. “What are you going to do if I don’t?”

The doctor glared at him from across the room. Aventurine did not need that money, in his big lavish green bedroom with the overhanging stained glass dome. Aventurine was also not too focused on him: instead, his eyes stuck to the TV, watching some meaningless drama from the Xianzhou. One of the Foxians looked a little too much like the degenerate that had tried to take advantage of Aventurine at the bar.

Ratio scoffed. Clearly Aventurine didn’t notice this, otherwise he would’ve swiftly turned it off. As he turned to venture out of the room and grab his nightwear, Aventurine shuffled underneath the covers. “Where are you going?”

“I am gathering my sleeping attire.”

“Can you not say pajamas?”

“I am not eleven.”

Ratio turned just in time to see Aventurine slam his head back on the pillow. “Wear mine,” the gambler offered as Ratio reached for the door, and hurried up to his dresser. “To repay! For when I stole yours in Edo Star.”

“I fear that your clothing will be quite small on me.”

“Everyone,” Aventurine spoke to a blatantly invisible crowd, and Ratio rose his brow. “Veritas just called me skinny.”

Ratio pressed a fingertip to his lip to think. He would never be able to properly figure out what the hell was the matter with Aventurine. Before he could speak again, the gambler interjected, “if it changes anything, my sleepy clothes are super baggy. You’ll probably be fine.”

Ratio was fine, having gone into Aventurine’s bathroom to change (much to Aventurine’s dismay.) He wondered if the top and bottom buttons of his night clothes ever got used – they were, unfortunately, mildly tight around his arms, but he supposed he could deal with it for the time being. 

The buttons did not fasten very easily, and Ratio was entirely considering foregoing this whole project until he remembered how giddy Aventurine got when he agreed to it. So he’d deal with it for now. Probably.

As he stepped out, golden headpiece in hand and teeth minty and brushed, Aventurine broke into a smile. “This is so babygirl of you.”

“What – don’t – don’t,” Ratio shook his head, trying to find the words, but unfortunately some secret, strange part of him liked the stupid fucking name. So he just set his laurel down on the opposite side of the bed and crawled under the covers with Aventurine as the gambler dimmed his lights with his phone. 

“What were you doin’ in there? You took a while.” Aventurine crawled closer to him. “Also. I wanna be little spoon.”

Ratio blinked absently. He had never imagined that this was something that could ever be demanded from him. Aventurine made him double back on his own logic a little too often, but at least he was beginning to expect it. He nodded forward, and Aventurine turned around. Ratio, nervously (as if he hadn’t.. Done whatever the hell he had done on the couch yesterday,) pressed his chest to Aventurine’s back and pressed the tip of his nose to his neck. 

Ratio breathed in tentatively. “I was making sure you were not running low on body wash, shampoo, or conditioner.” 

“Thank you, wifey.”

Ratio squeezed his eyes shut. There was, obviously, nothing wrong with being called a wife as opposed to a husband – his mother was a wife, and she was way better at being a partner than his father was. But such an implication suggested that Aventurine was his husband, which was not only incredibly domestic, but incorrect. If anyone had to be the wife in their relationship – if they were to get there – it would be Aventurine.

Even if he was the one who fit the “husbandly” gender role – being the breadwinner, umm.. That was about it. Traditionally wives were expected to submit to their husbands, which did not align with Ratio’s plan, but he did indeed take care of the house in Aventurine’s absence, and 

“You’re doing your thinking breathing,” Aventurine said outwardly.

“Apologies.”

“It’s turning me on, cus you’re so close to my ear.”

Ratio blinked rapidly. Aventurine could probably feel his eyelashes moving. Hopefully that wouldn’t turn him on, but nothing could surprise Ratio anymore, so he just shuffled a little away from the gambler. 

Unfortunately this somehow gave Aventurine permission to move back into him, pressing his hips against Ratio’s in a way that made him squirm backwards further. “Don’t do that.”

He must’ve said this too seriously, because when Aventurine murmured, “I’m sorry,” he actually sounded serious for once.

Ack. Ratio pulled him closer again, shuffling downwards and resting his forehead against the space underneath Aventurine’s neck. Aventurine hummed his content hum, the heartwarming, sweet one, and grabbed onto Ratio’s hands to intertwine them with his own.

Ratio always had trouble falling and staying asleep. But against Aventurine’s warm body, he neglected his pre-sleep review of his day. 

Briefly, he recognized the voice on the TV. But before he could pinpoint where it had come from, he fell asleep like a kid. Citrus. 

Chapter Text

It’s cold.

This is the first thing #35 can recognize. The second? The ache in his body. Then his trembling fingers. Then the tears streaming down his cheeks.