Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Get up." The voice of my best friend breaks through my sleep. A groan escapes my lips but gets lost under the pillows and blankets. "Thea I'm serious," she says sternly. I can see her now, standing in the doorway her arms crossed, as stern of a look as she muster with her delicate features. I bury my head deeper into my pillows.
"I don't wanna," my voice scratches out.
"I'll drag you out of bed myself," she threatens.
"I'd like to see you try," I laugh. I'm double her size, probably even double her weight. No chance in hell. She grabs hold of both my ankles. Suddenly I'm halfway on the floor of my bedroom. "What the fuck?" I yell, laughter overtaking me. Wren stands over me a smug look of satisfaction taking over her face. Her dirty blonde hair is frizzed up and falling out of the braids she wore to bed last night. "You're not even ready!" I screech.
"I have time, hair and makeup will be here in five minutes," she tells me. Wren grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet. It's still dark out, the sheer curtains still open from the night before showing the early morning sky over New York City.
"Jeeze what time is it?" I ask her, Reaching for my phone.
"6:00," she chirps, swaying on her feet. "Coffee should be here in 20 minutes, Matt said he'd be over shortly and like I said hair and makeup will be here soon." Thank god she can keep track of all that because all I can think about is crawling back into bed. I follow her into the kitchen, resigning to eat cold pizza from the night before. "So you'll be interviewed, then we'll head outside. You'll perform a couple of songs and then we will leave the studio." Wren continues. "Matt set up a photo shoot after that."
"When the fuck did he do that?!" I yell. "I thought we were flying home!"
"Last night," She sighs, "you were sitting right there, I thought you were listening." I shake my head. No, I was not. "It shouldn't take too long, then we are going to fly home. Chill out and then you have a release party."
"What the fuck?" I groan, dropping my head to the counter. The granite is cool against my skin, grounding me to earth. "Why is today so long?" I sound like a child. I know I do, but shit. My socially awkward, easily overstimulated, introverted ass just likes to stay home and sing her silly little songs on stage.
"It'll be fun," she says. The same kind but mischievous smile that has gotten us into plenty of trouble over the years stares back at me. Wren pulls on her braids watching my reaction. "You know you eventually end up having fun," she says. "Enjoy the life you live while you have it." She's right. She always is.
Hair and makeup arrive, keeping our conversation from going existential. The ladies are nice and make quick work of my mess of curls and eye bags. My manager, Matt, arrives like he's downed 3 Red Bulls and did a line. He whirls through the rental like a happy-go-lucky hurricane.
"Are you alright?" I ask, eyeing him cautiously. he hands me my coffee with an almost painful smile.
"Yes, of course! I'm great!" He says, rocking back on his heels.
"You are quietly literally bouncing off the walls," I say. It's draining just to look at him.
"I'm excited! I'm proud of you!" Matt says, "Aren't you excited? You're doing the summer concert series! Be more excited!"
"I'm tired and I apparently have a long day ahead of me." I take a sip of my cold coffee. "I'm excited but horribly tired and keeping my emotions on the inside." He deflates, sipping his coffee with closed eyes.
"Welp, you've killed my good mood," he sighs. He runs a hand through his short brown hair and down his face. "That's okay, I should've expected it. You are a cruel woman," he says dramatically, mocking a review article on my recent album. We both laugh.
"I'm sorry, it's just my graphic and cynical view of the world," I quote the article again. Earning more laughs. Wren rejoins us, looking beautifully put together. But confused.
"Well, either way, I have a gift that should make you smile." He tosses a black bag at me. I open it cautiously. His gifts can be anything from snacks to a book he thinks I'll like. It's a pink bra top. Strappy and sparkly and covered in fine glitter. It's beautiful. "I figured you could wear it today," he smiles.
"Thank you, it's beautiful," I tell him. "Although a bit weird you know my bra size." Wren snorts from the kitchen.
"Thea my dear, I know far too much about you," Matt says. He checks his watch, frowning at the numbers. "I think it's about time to leave girls. get dressed and we'll head to the car," he tells us. I follow Wren to the bathroom. I pull my black skirt over my legs and let her lace up my new top. Starring in the mirror fills me with a sense of dread. I look like myself, the same face and body I always see in the mirror. Thick thighs, broad shoulders, double chins, pudgy cheeks, and of course my stomach. It's not curves- it would be stupid to call it that. I know I'm just fat, I get reminded quite often by the internet. I love who I am, but sometimes the elephant in the room is really just an elephant.
"is that tight enough?" Wren asks, resting her chin on my shoulder. "damn your boobs are out." she laughs. I pull up the top and readjust.
"It feels fine," I tell her.
"don't go getting all weird," she says sternly. "you're hot, you're amazing, you're beautiful, so stop it." she forces me to face her. god, she knows me too well. "it's going to be great!" I smile at her optimism. Wren gently fixes the pink glitter above my eyes. "perfect!" She leads me out of the bathroom.
"Gorgeous!" Matt claps his hands together. "you ready to go?" he asks. I swallow hard. putting on my confidence.
"yeah let's rock and roll!" I cheer. We load into the car and drive to the studio. "it's so weird not having the band here," I comment. it's quiet.
"I was thinking the same thing," Matt says from the front seat. "it's peaceful," he notes. Wren and I burst into laughter. "I love them to death but with all of you together it feels like babysitting." we arrive and are escorted to the green room to wait for my segment. We pass by the hosts and I wave happily. the petite blonde frowns at me. maybe she's not a morning person? she would be in the wrong career.
"this morning kicking off our summer concert series we have Thea Kane!" The redhead announces. I walk out to join them on a small white couch in front of three cameras. "You look beautiful, thank you for joining us. We've heard you're gearing up to go on tour, what an exciting time!" She says sweetly. I smile and nod as best as I can.
"Yeah, summer is concert season and festival season! I'm glad to be here and kicking things off. I've been practicing and getting ready for live shows again." I answer honestly.
"That must be so hard with your size, running around in those skimpy outfits and all," the blonde says. What? Did I hear her correctly? I look at Matt behind the camera he gestures to his lips where he forces a dramatic smile. "I imagine it's exhausting," she laughs pointedly. I smile painfully. Aren't they told not to insult the people they're interviewing?
"I know I certainly couldn't do what you do," the other one laughs trying to recover the interview.
"It's a lot of hard work but I love it," I tell the nice one. "Seeing the crowd, hearing them sing, it's the best part for Me."
"You recently released an album called God Complex, where did that come from?" She asks.
"With a name like that, you must think highly of yourself," the blonde mumbles. What did I do? Seriously?
"So it's kind of tongue in cheek. It's a collection of songs about being overconfident and cocky. It's a lot of fun upbeat songs that I felt were begging to be released."
"I personally have been playing guy on a horse nonstop, it's addicting." I laugh and humbly thank her. "I've heard online that people are calling it glitter girl summer, inspired by you and I can see it." I laugh hard.
"Your makeup and glitter and costumes are such an interesting choice and part of your phenomenon." Is that a compliment?
"Yeah well I just wear what I love and glitter and sparkles make me happy, I guess," I laugh awkwardly.
"It looks like that's all the time we have, good luck outside and we'll see you out there!" I stand and hug the taller of the women. I turn and walk directly at Matt. I hand my mic and mic pack to a tech and we begin walking towards the doors.
"Matt?" I manage. Tears flooding my vision.
"I have no clue what happened, but I will handle it," he says sharply. "That was completely uncalled for." He grabs my hand squeezing it tightly.
"I want to go home," I say softly. I poke at the exposed skin on my stomach. Willing it to disappear. Matt takes a deep breath.
"You'll be home tonight," he says, opening the door to the street. "Right now, you need to be Thea Kane and kick ass." He grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at him. "You've got this." I nod along.
"Let's go beautiful!" Wren runs over shoving him out of the way. She hands me my in ears and attaches the pack to my skirt. I spin back around to face her. Wren carefully wipes the tears from under my eyes. "Don't let them see they've hurt you," she says quietly. "Let the words roll off of you." I nod walking to the stage. Without my normal band, the stage feels like a ghost town. I miss their smiles and laughter and endless jokes that make shows come easier. I walk out and look at the crowd gathered in the early morning light.
"Good morning everyone!" I smile. "Les have some fun!" The music begins and I put on a show.

ANDREW
another failed chord progression. I aggressively scratch it off the piece of paper in front of me. "Dammit," I seeth. placing my guitar on the floor before I throw it across the room. "why isn't this working?" I ask the damn air.
"Because you're frustrated and angry and the universe hates you." Alex stands in the doorway. he laughs but his eyes are full of concern. "maybe you should take a break, you've been at this for days. I think you're starting to smell." I run my hands through my hair. it catches on the knotted ends. "stop wallowing in heartbreak."
"I'm not wallowing in heartbreak," I shoot back. "that would require having been in a relationship and then getting heartbroken, neither has happened." Alex lets out an exasperated laugh.
"then why are you torturing yourself?" He asks, finally walking into the studio and sitting in the chair beside me. "tell it to Doctor Alex," he smiles. I roll my eyes.
"I'm just thinking about every relationship that has crashed and burned around me," I tell him. The smirk drops off his face. "it's either the work or I'm toxic or they're crazy, I can't get it right." letting my frustrations hit the air only weighs me down more. getting shit off your chest is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.
"Andy where is this coming from?" he asks. I pull out my phone and hand it to him.
"my ex got engaged," I tell him.
"okay but she was actually insane," he says, "I think you dodged a bullet there." a laugh rattles from my chest.
"the point is that I'm 34 years old and have never been truly known in a relationship and never close to finding 'the one'" I tell him. he deflates. Alex goes silent. he is usually not the kind to be at a loss for words.
"Andrew, you're killing me, man," he sighs. "that is why you have a beautiful, top charting, song about the pain of being unknown." a small laugh follows. "and as far as finding 'the one' -which may or may not be utter bullshit- let the universe take its course. everything happens for a reason, right?"
"I guess," I give in.
"good because we are going to a release party tonight!" He says definitely.
"what? no. who?"
"I don't know some young girl, I wasn't paying attention. She is on Columbia Records. and you are basically obligated to go." Alex explains. "plus we need to get you out of the studio and into a social setting. talk to people, meet some women, it could be a good thing." He smiles. " I'll be by to get you at 8:00, take a shower, get yourself together."
"I never said I was going," I tell him as he walks for the door.
"I know, but you are. it will be good for you." Alex says. not taking no for an answer. "see ya, smelly." I let out a deep breath. he is not wrong. since we've had a break from touring I've avoided going to parties or for drinks with the band. The loneliness and isolation have been creeping into the corners of my mind. It will be good to get out, I manage to convince myself. I leave the studio, abandoning my hard work and shower. the warm water flushes away the tension in my back and shoulders. I feel like I can breathe again. Once I'm dressed and ready, I let Alex drag me away to the party.
The room is already loud and filled with people when we arrive. some familiar faces wave as they see me but most people are already consumed in their own drunken worlds. Alex pulls me to the bar and hands me a whiskey. I down it quickly and order a second.
"That's the spirit, Andy." He throws an arm around me and drags me towards the band. Celebrations and shots are passed around. In the chaos, Alex leaves my side—some best friend. one of the vocalists walks up to me, a colorful drink in her hand.
"how have you been Andy?" Juliet asks me. I lean down to hug her short frame. She tugs on her short dress
"I've been good, just writing and working on some new stuff," I tell her. Juliet leans into my side.
"I can't wait to hear it." she bites on her bottom lip. She has probably had too much to drink, usually, she isn't this shameless. "if you ever need someone to help you in the studio, I'm free," Juliet smiles.
"yeah, that could be cool," I nod along. Looking down at my almost empty glass, I swirl what's left of the amber liquid. "I'm going to get another drink," I tell her. I walk back towards the bar. I find Alex on a couch with a bleach-blonde girl. they are having an animated conversation, their faces only inches apart.
"I'm going to smoke," I lean into his ear. He nods quickly waving me away. The blonde smiles sweetly at me. Locating the door to the balcony, I walk out into the cool night air. the noise of the party fades as the door shuts behind me. barely here an hour and I've been shamelessly hit on - by my band mate no less. I'm ready to go home. tapping my cigarettes on the railing, I look around the empty balcony. a few couches and tables sit empty, the air much too cold for the LA natives. at the table farthest from the doors, a girl sits by herself, her face illuminated by her phone screen. She doesn't seem to notice me, she's too consumed by her phone. I light a cigarette and lean against the railing. inhaling the smoke deep into my lungs. over my shoulder, I can see the girl is watching me now. she smiles when I catch her eye, before quickly looking away. I don't know why but my feet move towards her before I can stop them or come up with anything remotely intelligent to say. "Hello," I say awkwardly once I reach the table. She looks up at me with big round eyes, she looks like an angel. "are you alright? sitting out here all alone," I ask, taking another puff of my cigarette.
"I could ask you the same question," she says with a sly smile. She looks at me like she can see straight into my soul. it's paralyzing. "I'm just not a party person." she waves at the party inside. the breeze catches her hair and blows dark curls into her face. she pushes her hair back, trying to fix her bangs across her forehead with small laughter. It pulls me out of my trance.
"do you want a smoke?" I ask, sounding like some punk from my childhood. Still, I hold the pack out towards her.
"I don't smoke," she says, staring hard at the pack of cigarettes in my hand.
"oh shit, sorry." I quickly pull the cigarette from between my lips and stomp it out.
"No worries, I don't care," she shrugs. The chair beside her slides out towards me. she quickly moves her foot off the seat and smiles. "you're looming, have a seat." I laugh softly and sit next to her.
"I'm Andrew," I introduce myself, holding out a hand to her.
"I'm Thea." she shakes my hand. sitting this close, I can see the pink glitter painted across her eyelids and the faint remnants of lipstick on her lips.
"that's a beautiful name," I tell her. She smiles down at her hands, drumming her long fingernails on the table. "so Thea, if you're not a party person, then how did you end up here?" I ask. She plays with the silver ring on her middle finger.
"my manager said it would be fun then said I didn't have a choice," She laughs. "what about you? how did you end up here?" she leans on her hand.
"my best friend said the same thing, I needed to get out and socialize," I tell her. Thea laughs. when she laughs the air around her turns electric, my skin is on fire just being near her. "are you a musician then?" I ask her.
"Musician is such a strong word," She says, "it should be reserved for real talent, I'm just a silly little singer who attempts to put on decent shows." Thea pushes the hair off her shoulders. "Now that Irish singer Hozier, he is a real musician. he makes fabulous music," She smirks. oh. she knows who I am. "sorry, I can't help but speak the truth."
"oh and here I was trying to play it cool," I say, "if you're going to feed my ego please continue." she snorts, quickly covering her mouth and laughing harder between apologies. soon we are both consumed in a fit of laughter.
"This doesn't seem like your kind of scene." Thea manages to calm her laughter. "I figure you are more of a dark and brooding in a cave in the middle of the forest kind of guy." laughter consumes us again.
"oh I like to party," I tell her with a laugh, "every kind of party." nope. that's not right. Thea laughs harder, resting her head against the table to catch her breath.
"I feel so drunk." she lifts her head to wipe under her blue eyes. mascara and glitter smearing on her hands. "Jesus, I only had one drink but I'm laughing like a sorority girl." she shakes the ice in her empty cup.
"do you want to head in?" I ask, tilting my head towards the doors.
"Honestly?" her eyes meet mine, "no way in hell." I'll stay out here forever if she wants to talk. "but I'm sure my idiots are looking for me." she taps her phone screen. Thea hops off her chair and smiles at me. She is in a short black dress that goes up one of her shoulders. She quickly pulls the dress down to an appropriate length. I stand to follow after her. The noise and heat of the party explode around us as I open the door for her. "gross," She grimaces, but marches forward into the party. "oh I see my friends." I lean down to hear her. Thea points across the room. I see the bleach blonde from earlier, she is still talking with Alex but now they are talking with the band and a large group of people. the blonde waves us in her direction. "it was nice to meet you." she turns into my chest, not realizing how close we are.
"I'm heading the same way," I smile.
"oh cool," she nods and snakes her way through the room. once we reach the group, a large guy with broad shoulders runs up towards us.
"there's Thea!" he yells, bending down and throwing her over his shoulder.
"what the fuck!" she screeches as he spins her. "John, put me down you psycho!" she slams her hands against his back. this doesn't seem like a joke. should I do something? "my ass is hanging out! Stop it!" laughter follows. the eyes of the group have fallen on the pair. the guy-John- puts her feet back on the floor. Thea glances up at me, her face bright red. She fixes her dress again. "we get it, you work out. leave me the fuck out of it!" she laughs, hitting the guy.
"Matt is looking for you," John says quietly, "found you first." she rolls her eyes.
"Are you alright?" I ask, reaching out to grab her shoulder. John glares daggers at my hand before meeting my eyes. like he might rip my throat out if I speak again.
"yeah, I'm good," Thea huffs. "Andrew this is John, John this is Andrew." she introduces us. he shakes my hand reluctantly. "I think you got my ribs," she lets out a breathy laugh, holding a hand on her stomach.
"Thea, you didn't answer my texts." an older man stomps up to her, and grabs her hand. "c'mon I want to talk." he pulls her away from us. As she goes she looks over her shoulder at me and offers a small wave.
"where have you been?" I join Alex and the blonde.
"I told you I was smoking," I tell him.
"What? A whole pack? we're going to have to talk about your nicotine addiction Andy." he laughs. I glance in the direction Thea went. "did you hear the news?" He asks me. I shake my head. "they found our opener for this leg of the tour," he begins. I turn to face him. "yeah, Thea Kane and her band." Thea? "this is her drummer, James," Alex introduces me to the blonde girl beside him.
"It's so nice to meet you, I'm a huge fan," She shakes my hand. "I'm sure Thea and the guys are excited too, wherever they ran off to." she looks around. "who knows, but it's gonna be killer." James smiles.
"yeah, I'm sure it will be great." I look for Thea in the crowd. it should be interesting.

Chapter Text

THEA

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I snap as Matt pulls me into an empty hallway. "Dragging me out like I'm your bitch?" Frustration creases his eyebrows. "I was kind of in the middle of something." Yeah, talking to a very attractive Irishman.

"Well if you had bothered to answer your phone or not wander off to sulk I wouldn't have to drag you out of a party like a child." Oh, he is stressed.  He takes a deep breath. "I know today was rough," he says softly. No kidding, there are only so many fat comments my ego can take before I need to cry myself to sleep. "But I need you to trust me."

"I always trust you," I say, slightly scared.  "What the hell is going on?"

"You know all I want is what is best for you and your career." He doesn't meet my eyes, finding interest in his brown dress shoes.  "There is an artist going on tour and I think you should open for him."

"What?!" I react before I can check myself. "Hold on, let me get a grip." I shut my eyes, holding the bridge of my nose. I've already done this before! I've worked my way up from nothing! I've been the bottom bitch and the opener no one cares about. I've done a US tour and a world tour and a pretty decent-sized world tour again after that! That is actually stupid! I am now 6 albums into my music career. What the hell is he thinking?  My brain is screaming and beating on the insides of my skull. "Why would I do that?" I ask trying to sound nice.

"You have a large catalog of music and you have said multiple times that you want your deeper songs to be taken seriously and not be some princess bubblegum pop bimbo," he explains carefully. It's true. After writing a basic pop song about love and drinking too much Malibu it's hard to be taken seriously when writing about mental health or religious trauma. 'Tis the duality of man. "This guy is real deep and introspective, he has an audience that is receptive to that kind of music, it could change things for you, show your range," Matt says.

"I guess," I concede.  "Or it could blow up in our faces and they could hate me and I could get canceled and instead of people seeing my range I get pigeonholed even more as the dumb pop bimbo who tried and failed to be different," I spiral.

"Jesus, Thea I'm trying to help," Matt sighs, "I know you, I know your heart. You are charming and endearing and work your ass off and people see that and love to watch you perform." He flatters me. "I'm insisting that you do this." His big brown puppy dog eyes plead with me.

"If you insist," I say  knowing that once his mind is made up it's almost impossible to reverse "Who is this guy anyway?" I lean against the wall, fixing the straps of my heels.

"He goes by the name Hozier but I think his first name is Andrew," Matt tells me. Shoulda seen that coming from a mile away. My heart leaps to my throat.

"You're kidding?" I ask. His eyebrow twitches in anticipation of my rebuttal. "You realize women quite literally throw themselves at him and go feral when a female is even slightly too close. Like apes in the wild," I laugh but it's covering the fear. The little me inside my head is screeching.

"Not to mention he is like a musician, a real musician, Apollo on earth and I'm an idiot with a mic and some emo poetry," I take a breath.  Bending down to rest my hands on my knees. This is insane. I'm gonna puke.

"Don't go self-imploding." Matt rubs my back gently. "This is a good thing." I look up at him through the curtain of my hair. Offering a weak smile.

"I don't have a great feeling about this," I say honestly. My stomach churns, I might actually throw up. This will be a lot. New people, new tour, new set, new people, more masking, People I don't know being around me constantly.

"You always say that and it only goes wrong about 70% of the time," Matt says.

"That's not a good ratio!" I yell. Matt laughs in defeat. I laugh too, out of the sheer stupidity my life is. It's great but stupid. On tour with Hozier? Yikes. "Andrew seems like a nice guy and all but you know how people can be." I stand up and push all the hair off my face. My skin is hot and I'm sure there is a nice layer of sweat building on my skin.

"You met him?" Matt focuses on the wrong thing.

"Yeah, we were outside talking," I explain.

"So you were running your mouth playing dark and mysterious musician with him instead of answering your phone?" Yep definitely focused on the wrong thing here. Hopefully on purpose. "Matt seriously, you know I'm a mess, I don't know if I can do it."

"You are a mess," he says plainly. "A beautiful, chaotic, crazy mess." I feel great. "But you're our mess and Wren and the band and I love you and all your chaos," he pulls me into his chest. Overbearing cologne fills my lungs, I'm gonna buy him something new. Maybe a nice woodsy vanilla. What does Harry Styles wear?  "So what do you say?" Matt holds me at arm's length.

"Fine," I give in. Fear and failure are worse than never trying. "Fine, but if I have a meltdown you have to deal with it." A large grin spreads across his face.

"I always do," he says. I've gotten lucky in my career. I've had a manager who fights for me and with me. Matt has held my hand and listened to me cry or freak out over nothing with the same loving look in his eyes since we first met. I truly am grateful. "Now go back in there and party and have fun, no more doom, and gloom," Matt commands me, spinning me back towards the doors. "I have a deal to make." He sends me a cheeky smile before pushing me back towards the party.
The room is louder than when I left. Drunkards are dancing on tables and grinding on each other in a sloppy mess. John and James are where I left them, talking with random people in high spirits thriving off the social interactions. John is whispering something is a girl's ear, hopefully, nothing vulgar. James is glowing in the dim mix of neon lights, her blonde hair falling in her face as she laughs at something Andrew says. Andrew smiles when he sees me. He seems so genuine and kind, maybe a little awkward but shit so am I.

"Where were you dragged off to?" James asks. She grabs my hands and pulls me into their circle.

"Matt wanted to talk about tour stuff," I tell them. "It sounds like it should be fun." I smile up at Andrew.

"It will be amazing," he says.

"Whatcha drinking lovie?" James asks.

"Whatever you give me I guess," I shrug. She retreats toward the bar leaving me with the two men.

"You sound like my kind of girl," the other guy smiles. I don't think I got his name. "I'm Alex," he introduces himself, sticking his hand out to me. "I'm Andrew's best friend and bass player and voice of reason," he laughs. I introduce myself through laughter.

"To be fair, it goes both ways." Andrew defends himself, his cheeks dusting pink.

"A Healthy sign of a codependent relationship," I say. Andrew laughs hard. "I get it though, my best friend is my world." I wonder what Wren is doing right now anyways? Probably snuggled up with a glass of wine and Pokémon or something. She's living my dream.

"And where are they tonight?" Alex asks, keeping my failing conversation alive.

"She's at home, probably relaxing," I shrug. "we've done a lot of traveling today." James returns, fruity drinks in hand. She hands me a fizzy pink drink with a smile.

"Who's at home?" She asks.

"Wren." I take a sip of my drink. A dirty Shirley, but with a double pour. Extra vodka. I know I make a face as the taste of liquor slides down my throat. "God that's strong," I choke out.

"What is it?" Alex asks. James laughs manically beside him.

"A dirty Shirley with way too much vodka." I hold out the tall glass towards him. Alex takes it carefully and sips from the side, his face contorting. "Yeah, she's a sadist who likes to order doubles," I laugh. James smirks as she sips from her drink.

"You looked like you needed to loosen up," James says proudly. I know she is well-intentioned. This is what we do, party and goof off to make each other feel better. I shout back a string of obscenities. Andrew chuckles at our loud exchange.

"Here you try it," I turn my attention to him. I hold the cup up towards his lips. He gently takes the straw between his lips and sips, staring me down. his green eyes piercing into my own. Okay, I'm not gonna read into it but there is an emotion that follows. He doesn't even flinch. He shrugs. "Okay mister big man, manly man, good for you," I laugh. His tough exterior breaks and he's laughing again. Tossing his head back, letting his hair fall, a real kind of laughter. The sight warms my heart. Not only because it means I've successfully made conversation but because his laugh is intoxicating. His voice is intoxicating. He is intoxicating. Maybe I'm just drunk.

"I'm Irish our blood is mostly whiskey," Andrew says through laughter. He says something that gets lost in the party around us. James and Alex laugh. god, I need my ears checked.

"Sorry, I have hearing issues." I gesture at my ears. "what did you say?" Andrew leans down to my height.

"I said it is really strong, the bartender probably got distracted by James' good looks and poured with a heavy hand," Andrew smiles. Oh. so he finds James attractive too. I mean who doesn't, it's inevitable. she's hot. why do I suddenly care? right, because he gave me the slightest bit of attention. Typical. "are you alright?" Andrew says his breath warm against my ear.

"yeah totally," I smile. Liar. I take a large sip of my drink. Ignore your feelings and thoughts and let the alcohol take over.

ANDREW

Thea sways softly with the music, sipping from her drink absentmindedly. She meets my gaze and I'm paralyzed by her eyes again. I wonder if she knows how transfixed her eyes make people. Does she do it to every guy? I lean in close to her, to make sure she can hear, of course. She raises her eyebrows. "What are you thinking about?" I ask.

"Just how loud it is in here and how hungover I'm going to be tomorrow." She sips her drink with a smile, mischief in her eyes. "What about you, Mr. Tall and Mysterious?" I raise my brows at that.

"That's a new one," I say.

"Give me a break I'm drunk." Thea laughs, her cheeks turning red. "what's going on in your head?" she asks. 

"how beautiful you are." my mouth speaks before my brain can react. damn alcohol. she snaps out of her drunken trance, a bewildered look on her face. shit. I've fucked up. a soft smile grows on her lips.

"Thank you," Thea says quietly. "you're pretty handsome yourself." She smirks. My heart leaps. suddenly I'm acting like a schoolgirl. I kick my feet into the ground and smile. Thea's friend John joins us. He wraps his arm tightly around Thea's waist, pulling her into his side. she stumbles against him. Did I misread the situation? "what?" she asks. He whispers into her ear. Thea sips from her drink, nodding as he whispers to her. "I'm not a child!" she snaps, pulling away from him. "damn, cut me some slack." Thea moves to stand next to me. John glares up at me like he might honestly fight me right here in front of everyone.

"I just thought you should know," he says, pissed.

"Jesus, what has your panties in a twist?" James asks, leading Alex over by the hand. he's like a lost puppy. they would make a cute couple, and they certainly seem to be hitting it off.  "you look like a psycho." James pushes the ash blond curls off John's face, pulling his head back at a weird angle.

"your brother is a psycho," Thea says.

"you guys are siblings?" Alex asks.

"yeah our mom wanted two boys but got me instead, that's why I'm James," she smiles, "and somehow I'm still the favorite." she releases John's face. he rolls his eyes, straightening out his clothes.

"I'm just trying to take care of you two," he huffs. John and James fall into their own conversation with Alex listening intently.

"so are you and John together?" I ask. Thea quickly turns to face me. "I mean you guys seem close, I figured." a grin breaks out across her face.

"Why? Are you interested?" she raises an eyebrow. oh, now she's fucking with me.

"I'm curious," I say honestly. Thea places a warm hand on my chest, she drums her sparkly pink nails along my shirt.

"you have nothing to worry about," she says, "I wouldn't date John if my life depended on it, he is like the most annoying older brother." she steps closer to me. "in fact, I'm chronically single."

"that must be a lie," I say. who am I? Thea busts out laughing. My body is on fire from her laughter and her touch. We've regained her friends' attention.

"what happened?" James asks eyeing us curiously. Thea quickly pulls her hand back.  Alex sends me an encouraging smile. Now I really feel like a school boy, we've had this exact exchange in grade school.

"Nothing," Thea replies, her cheeks going red. "have either of you seen Ashton?" Thea asks, "Or Ben for that matter?" James and John both shake their heads. "hopefully they aren't drunk or dead in a ditch somewhere," she mumbles.

"Know them it good easily be either," John mumbles. "Ben said he was drinking and going home so he might've left by now. And you know how Ashton gets."

"speak of the devil," James gestures with her head behind us. A guy saunters up behind us, Juliet tucked under his arm. shit. I mean good for her she found a man tonight but shit awkward. he's tall, but still shorter than me. Brown hair on the top of his head that hangs into his face with shaved sides, dressed in skinny jeans and a white t-shirt. "Where have you been?" James asks. The guy and Juliet join our circle shoving their way between Thea and James. Thea crashes into my side and I quickly wrap my arms around her to keep her on her feet.

"Oh you know, mingling, making new friends, having fun," the guy says. Juliet giggles. It's uncomfortable. John switches his glare from me to the guy, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Here Thea, this is for you. Good job this morning!" He hands her a blue frozen drink. No acknowledgment of me or my arms around Thea, who I should probably let go of.

"Ashton, what is this?" Thea asks. She places her empty cup on a nearby table and sips from her new drink, grimacing at the taste.

"A drink, be grateful." He says. So this is the guy she was looking for.

"This is Ashton," she whispers to me. Thea leans into me. "He not usually an ass."

"Who is your friend, Ash?" John asks. Eyeing Juliet up and down.

"This is Juliet, she's part of that Hozier band," he slurs out. Alex and I share an awkward look. "Hopefully the rest of them like to party and aren't as doom and gloom as they seem." Thea apologizes quietly. Even John sends me an apologetic look.

"You need to chill out," John says, stepping up to Ashton. Ashton smiles in his face, sticking his tongue out at John. They are practically chest to chest. "What are you on?" John asks through gritted teeth.

"What is in this?" Thea yells over John. She stares skeptically at her drink.

"I don't know! I just picked a random drink, don't freak Thea!" Ashton yells, clearly under multiple influences. He shoves John out of his face.  John quickly regains control of him, grabbing him by the shirt collar.

"Ashton, did you take something tonight?" John asks loudly. Clearly, this is a touchy subject. They really shouldn't be doing in the middle of a party though. Drugs are one of the worst parts of the music industry, I've seen a lot of good men fall to their power.

"Shit," Thea mumbles beside me, quickly discarding her drink.  She ignores the chaos her bandmates are creating.

"Thea, you good?" James asks.

"Yeah, I need air," Thea says. Beginning to walk away from the group.  James nods for me to follow her and of course, I follow her. Thea runs out to the same balcony we were on before. She falls to her knees in front of a large potted plant. By the time I reach her, she is retching into the soil, tears running down her face. I sit on the ground beside her, pulling her hair out of her face and tying it up.

"It's okay," I tell her. I run my hand along her back, her skin burning through her dress. "How did this happen? Was it that drink?" I ask. Thea sits back on her heels and wipes at her mouth.

"Probably," she sighs, "I have weird health issues, and being randomly allergic to the fake sugary shit in food is part of it." She grimaces. Someone from inside the party runs out after us, asking if she's okay and handing us a glass of water. Thea holds up a thumbs up, resting her head against the flower pot. "Well this is gross and embarrassing," she laughs once we are alone again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I tell her, "it's not your fault." She smiles softly. She takes the water from my hand and sips at it. Her hands trembling.

"I should know better than to trust Ashton when he's at a party," she sighs, "he becomes a fucking idiot." She spits into the flower pot again and wipes at her eyes. He did seem pretty messed up.

"Do you want to sit?" I ask. Thea nods. I help her to her feet. She walks forward by herself stumbling in her heels nearly falling back to the ground but steadies herself with grace. "I've got you," I say, quickly wrapping my arms around her and guiding her to the nearest couch.

"Thank you," she says through loud breaths. "You're very kind." She leans her head back on the couch to stare at the sky. "I miss the stars," she says after a moment. Like this, her eyes turned towards the sky, and her face at rest she looks angelic. "My favorite thing in the world is to sit and look at the stars," she says, "where I grew up you could see everything but out here it's all light pollution and gross."

"At my house in Ireland, you can see stars for miles. It's gorgeous." I tell her. Her eyes drift to me. "You should come see it sometime,"I say boldly. Thea smiles.

"I would love that," she nods. A breeze whips through the balcony, bouncing off the walls, and blowing hair in my face. Thea shivers in the night air. I take my jacket off and lay it over her body. "Oh, you're a gentleman too?" She laughs.

"I try my best," I smile. Thea rests her head against my shoulder. "So where are you from?" I ask.

"small town in the middle of nowhere," she mumbles. Her eyes falling shut. "I feel like shit," she breathes out.

"It's alright," I tell her, "just relax." we sit together in silence. She closes her eyes. Her breathing slows.  Thea is asleep on my shoulder. It's fast and forward but she snuggles into my side and I let her. Only hours ago we were strangers on a balcony now we're friends sitting with our bodies pressed together on a couch. We'll be touring together. She's gorgeous and confident and it's a recipe for disaster. But something feels so right about this moment like the universe is pulling our lives together. How could it be wrong?

"Is she dead?" James asks walking onto the balcony. Alex isn't following behind her. Well, he is, except he's helping John limp out behind her. I hold a finger to my lips to silence them.

"She fell asleep," I whisper. James juts out her bottom lip mouthing a silent 'aw' She quickly snaps an awkward photo of us.  "What happened?" I ask. Watching as Alex helps John to a nearby chair. John looks down at his knuckles, now bloody and bruised.

"Damn drunken idiot wouldn't shut his mouth," he grumbles. "Not to air out our family drama but Ashton goes a bit off the rails at parties like this." John leans back and shuts his eyes.

"Not really family," James corrects him. She sits beside Alex who offers her his jacket.

"Don't let Thea hear you say that, found family is family. Even when they are assholes who forget about her allergies," John gestures to her sleeping form against me. Is his anger towards me gone now? Maybe I shouldn't push it. "Is she alright?" He asks me.

"She got sick and she was weak and stumbling around but she seems somewhat okay," I tell him. "It was like the life was drained out of her."  John nods.

"''Tis the life of Thea Kane," James laughs, "Go until you can't anymore."  The middle-aged man who dragged Thea away busts out into the night air. Making us jump.

"You started a fucking fight?" He asks John aggressively, stomping up beside him. The man looks around at us, stopping to stare at me. "Sorry about that," he apologizes, " I am Matt Cooke, Thea's manager." He holds out his hand to me.  I introduce myself and he apologizes once more. "It's time for you all to get home," he gestures to John and James, his brows crease when he realizes Thea is asleep beside me.

"It's Ashton's fault, let's not get into it again," James tries to diffuse the situation. She stands and shakes Thea's shoulder. "Hey babe it's time to wake up, we gotta go home." Thea stirs, trying to bury her face in my side. "Come on, you'll see Andrew again soon enough," James laughs, grabbing Thea's hands and pulling her to her feet. I offer her my jacket to wear and Thea mumbles something about it not fitting her. She rubs at her eyes smearing what's left of her makeup.

"Thank you for tonight," she slurs out but smiles genuinely. Matt ushers them off the balcony. James helps her towards the door, the girls giggling as they walk away. Before she disappears, Thea waves one last time. I wave back, a stupid grin on my face.

"See I told you coming tonight was a good idea," Alex says proudly. I just roll my eyes and let him have this win.

Chapter Text

THEA

I'm cold, my body is cold. I reach for my blanket, pain surging through my body. "oh what the fuck," I grunt through the pain. everything hurts. my head, my back, my neck. my entire body has essentially been run over. I roll onto my back. I am not in my bed. what the fuck did I do? forcing my eyes open, the morning light streaming in from the living room windows is blinding. I'm lying on the living room floor, not even a blanket or pillow in sight.  "what the hell?" I ask the ceiling. getting no response, I force myself to sit up. I couldn't even make it to the carpet? seriously?  this is why I don't go to parties.

"good to see you alive," Wren's voice echoes from the kitchen. I turn to find her face in the blurred light. She's sitting at the kitchen island, matching pajamas and braids in her hair. She clearly had a nice relaxing night and I got fucked up. "if you didn't get up in an hour I was going to call an ambulance," she laughs.

"What the hell happened?" I ask. I pull myself off the ground, instantly regretting it. The pain intensifies and my head spins, vision blurring and I'm certain I'm either going to black out or violently throw up. I grab the back of the couch to steady myself.

"I don't know what happened at the party but Matt had to drag you home. Like literally drag you through the front door." She watches as I stumble toward her. I make it to the island, resting my body against the cool granite. "You threw up on our welcome mat, then you fell on the ground and Matt dragged you in by the ankles. You threw up again so he dragged you to the living room and insisted that I just leave you there." My mention of vomit makes my stomach turn and I'm heaving into the sink.

"Why the fuck is it blue?" I ask rising down the neon blue liquid that just spewed from my mouth.

"That's what you did last night," Wren says, "it was some drink Ashton gave you." What the fuck?

"John didn't try to carry me in at least?" I remember him throwing me over his shoulder. Oh and embarrassing me in front of Andrew. I met Andrew last night. Andrew Hozier-Byrne. Shit. 

"He tried to punch out Ashton and was limping and busted up," Wren tells me. The night flashes back to my memory.

"Ashton got fucked up," I mumble. Recalling his stupid grin. "Probably coke or something." Wren nods along. Did I flirt with Andrew? I wouldn't. Yes, I would, especially drunk.  "Last thing I even somewhat remember is Ashton walking up to us with some girl hanging off him," I tell Wren.

"Don't be so judgmental, from what I saw you were hanging all over Hozier," she laughs. What?

"What do you mean?" I ask. Already dreading the answer. She clicks on her phone menacingly, a creepy smile growing on her face. Oh god, what did I do?

"James sent me this." She slides her phone toward me. "She said you two were inseparable all night." The photo on the screen makes my stomach drop and my heart leap practically out of my throat. Sure enough, it's me and Andrew sitting out on the balcony. I'm asleep on his shoulder, his brown jacket draped over me. Andrew looks confused? Content? Awkward? Oh god. This is the part of the night I barely remember. I remember throwing up in a plant and someone comforting me, I thought it was John. John was punching out Ashton. So it must've been Andrew. Damn, that's embarrassing. I let my head hit the cool counter. Wren laughs maniacally.  "I told you, you'd have fun," she says between laughter, "but maybe you had too much fun."

"Ya think?" I sigh. "I made a fool of myself and now we're going to tour together." That's so on-brand for me.   Maybe I should send like an apology card or something. I'm sorry for getting drunk, flirting with you, and puking. "I'm a fucking idiot." I rub my temples, trying and failing to soothe my headache.

"So that was the big news Matt mentioned, he said you'd be pissed," Wren says. "It sounds like it will be fun! And like a cool dual concert thing."

"I'm the opener," I say flatly. Hoping the information hits her as hard as it did me.

"Oh," she pauses, "why?" Wren tilts her head to the side watching my expression.

"An artistic rebranding or some shit," I tell her, "a move to push me away from bimbo pop princess and more towards my intellectual music." Wren nods, I can see the gears turning in her head. "I'm happy for the opportunity but it feels like a slap in the face."

"Maybe it will be nice to pull back a little," she says after a quiet moment. "I mean you just released an album that's done great and all but the album before that, that you poured your heart into, has been mostly overlooked and I know that hurt. This is a good place to finally perform those songs and let them have their moment." The sting of my failed album still hurts. It's been over a year but I thought that album, Dream State, would make people see my artistic depth. But people picked off the pop songs and ran off with it.  It's not like the album was a total fail, I'm sure there is someone out there who feels the songs the way I wrote them, but still, my pity party prevails.  "Plus there is always the cute boy aspect of things." Wren pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I was a puking drunk idiot last night, I doubt that's going anywhere," I laugh.  Turning to the fridge, I look through to find something to eat. "plus, he has women constantly throwing themselves at him." I pull out a carton of strawberries. When did we get these? "he could literally have anyone he wants and I thoroughly doubt that would be me." I pop a small strawberry in my mouth.

"hey you never know," Wren wiggles her eyebrows at me. "you are extra endearing when you're drunk." What?

"I'm not unpacking that," I tell her. 

"There is nothing to unpack, you just let down the facade and you're you." she leans over the counter to grab a strawberry. "you're introspective, intellectual, and sometimes even docile."  I snort, nearly choking on a piece of fruit.

"I was none of those things last night," I cough out. "I was stupid, drunk and flirty."  Wren looks at me in disbelief. "I was pretty drunk when he came up to me, The self-destruction sequence had already started." she nods, her eyes going wide.

"he came up to you?" Wren asks in disbelief.  damn, is it that unbelievable? I nod and tell her about my pity party for one out on the balcony that was interrupted but Andrew. "that's sweet," Wren smiles, "maybe it was divine intervention." Whimsy takes over her voice. I roll my eyes. "hey don't be a hypocrite!" She yells. "what is it you are always saying? Trust the universe." fine.  she has a point. "don't doubt yourself or the universe," Wren tells me sternly.

"yes ma'am," I salute her. we dissolve into laughter. I bite into a strawberry that was less than good. it dribbles down my chin and plops onto the counter as I try to spit it out.  "we need to get some groceries and at least check on James and John," I tell her as I clean my mess, "I'm gonna go get ready." Wren and I part ways.  As I wipe the steam off the mirror after my shower, I hear music coming from the direction of Wren's room.  Undeniably, it's Andrew's voice coming from the speaker.  she thinks shes funny.

ANDREW

"Morning," Alex mumbles shuffling his way into the studio.

"It's nearly 2pm," I tell him. My best friend plops his body onto the couch only groaning in response. "I'm glad you're here. Listen to this." I play him the melody track I've been working on since I got up.

"I'm too hungover for this." He jumps up to turn down the volume. "I mean it sounds good but how the fuck are you not hungover?" He flops back into the couch.

"No fucking clue," I tell him, "I guess I didn't drink as much as I thought." I doubt it, with how bold I was towards Thea last night I might as well have downed a bottle of whiskey by myself.  I wonder how she's doing today? Hopefully not too hungover.

"Lucky bastard," Alex mumbles.

"Have you heard from anyone else? Are they hungover messes as well?" I ask him. Alex sighs dramatically flipping his sleep matted hair out of his face. He clicks on his phone a couple times before speaking. "Rory texted me in the middle of the night that Kellen had called him because of something with Juliet and the girls and I don't really know because I was too drunk for comprehension." That sounds like a mess I don't want to be involved in. Thankfully, most of the time I can pull the lead musician card and bow out.

"That's sounds complicated," I tell him. Alex stares at me exasperatedly. I try to offer a smile. "You're great at problem-solving," I tell him.

"I heard from James as well," he moves on from our bandmates. "She said she and John are well but they all got chewed out last night." Did she say anything about Thea? Can I even ask? "Have you heard from Thea?" Alex asks.

"I didn't get her number or anything," I say stupidly.

"You're kidding," Alex sits up to stare at me dumbfounded. "You're a fucking chicken," he teases, "you two are practically drooling over each other all night and you didn't even exchange numbers?" Were we hanging all over each other? No. We were talking close so she could hear and I grabbed her so she wouldn't fall and it didn't feel unnaturally close.

"It didn't come up," I tell him. Alex definitely doesn't buy this answer but he accepts it. As if to save me from his childish hazing an assistant walks. He hands me a little tray holding two coffees.

"A girl just dropped this off for you. Did you order something?" He asks. I go to answer him quickly because NO! I absolutely did not but Alex cuts me off.

"Yeah, he did thank you." Alex grins. The assistant bows out leaving us to our new coffee. "At least Thea isn't a chicken." Alex plucks a coffee out of the tray and turns it to me. Sorry for last night it was great to meet you! Hopefully only a mild hangover :) -Thea is written on the side of the cup in Sharpie, along with her number. I shove the tray in Alex's hands and nearly trip over myself trying to get to the front door of the studio. I ask which direction, and which car the coffee came from. The poor boy points and explains with wide eyes to a white car in the parking lot. I run a hand through my hair and take a breath before stepping outside. This is stupid, it's probably like an assistant or something.

"How the fuck do you get out of this parking lot?" Thea's voice comes from the car followed by lots of laughter. I walk up to the window. Thea is driving. She looks different in the daylight. Good different. I can see the purple tint in her hair and the natural rosiness of her cheeks. She's not wearing much makeup and her hair is loosely tied up. "Oh fuck!" She jumps as she sees me. "You scared me," Thea smiles. She looks up at me and the sun catches her eyes, reflecting in the cool gunmetal blue that was muddled in the night before. Breathtaking. "I'm glad the coffee found you, I was really confused with the address I was sent," she says.

"Erm yeah," I struggle to make sentences. "It's an artist complex and studio so there are like apartments and then some smaller studios all together," I explain like an idiot.

"That's so cool," she smiles. We stand there smiling at each other. I'm sure it's awkward, I don't feel awkward because her smile is melting my insides but it's probably awkward.

"You're welcome to come in and see, it's pretty nice," I offer after a moment. "Or-well- what are you doing today?" Smooth. She turns towards her passenger seat. There was someone sitting there the whole time. I didn't even notice. Fuck that's embarrassing.

"I don't think we have time," she sighs. "We're running errands and dropping off hangover cure baskets to the guys," she tells me. Her passenger slaps her arm. "Right, Andrew this is my best friend Wren."  Thea introduces me to the girl. Wren sticks her hand out towards me, nearly slapping Thea in the process.

"Nice to meet you," Wren smiles as I shake her hand. Thea makes a motion to lick the back of Wren's hand.  "Do it! You don't know where I've been," The girls giggle. Thea chomps the air as Wren pulls her hand back.

"I've done worse," Thea smirks.

"I know, " Wren says, "you remember you and Ash and that pole when you-"

"yeah, I do, shut up!" Thea cuts her off, her face flushing. Wren laughs hard. I can only imagine the worst drunken charades.  "sorry," Thea composes herself. "We should probably head out, I told John we were on our way." Thea glances at her phone, looking at the messages on the screen. "It was nice to see you again Andrew and I look forward to going on tour together, I'm really excited." She smiles brightly.

"I'm excited too, we'll be on the road soon enough," I tell her. "We are going to start prepping officially tomorrow."

"So are we," She says, "we have meetings planned out the ass, like seriously all day tomorrow." She lets out a loud breath. "But it will be fun!" Another bright smile. Wren says something quietly from the passenger seat, Thea's smile falters "Yeah we should go, we'll talk later," She says, putting her car in gear. I back away, waving as she pulls out of the parking lot.

"What did she say?" Alex tosses an empty coffee cup into the trash as I walk back into the studio. "damn you're smiling like an idiot," he laughs at me. I feel the tightness in my cheeks, rubbing them to stop the smile I didn't even realize had plastered itself over my face. 

"she just said hi and wanted to drop off the coffee," I tell him, returning to my seat in front of the mixing board. "her friend was with her and they were running some errands." Alex nods, reaching for the second coffee that was supposed to be mine. "they are preparing for the tour as well." I put Thea's number in my phone before Alex smudges it. 

"Have you heard her music before?" he asks, "what is the vibe?" Geoff mentioned it to me a week ago, something about music that clashes against mine. he said that the contrast could be interesting or performative. 

"I'm not sure," I tell him honestly.  Opening her artist page on Spotify is baffling. She has almost 70 million monthly listeners and an extensive discography. 6 albums,  a handful of singles and features. 

// if you would like to listen along I made a discography and all the albums into playlists- HERE //

"she just released an album," Alex chimes in. he reaches over my shoulder and clicks on an album on the computer. God Complex pops up, a silhouetted photo of Thea holding a crown above her head on the cover. "should I just play it?" he asks.  I nod, confused. why is she opening for me? She has a successful career. 

"Gonna fuck up your life like John Tucker Must Die, like Gone Girl, baby, yeah, I Came back to fuck up your life."  Thea's voice sings over a heavy beat.  God sent me as Karma, reads the song title. 

"That's one thing you two have in common," Alex says. I raise an eyebrow at him. "lots of religious references." he answers, clicking on the computer more. "she has an album called 'Gods and Demons' and multiple songs with references to god and the higher powers that be."  he switches to his phone. "apparently she got a bunch of shit for it," he reads off his phone. "people like to hate on her," he flashes his phone at me with countless gossip columns. 

"Society can't handle strong women," I say, genuinely trying to wrap my brain around all of this information.  Thea Kane publicly disses ex leading up to the release of her 6th studio album, an article catches my eye.  I click it, commandeering Alex's phone. she said shes chronically single. a video pops up, it's from some festival. Thea stands on stage, smiling at the crowd. sunglasses pushed into her hair, a mini skirt, and a crop top showing off her curves. is that how she's gonna dress for our tour? I'm not complaining.  

"So I had an Ex," She says into her mic. the crowd erupts into cheers. "he was one of those foreign model types, ya know with the hot accents and everything." she leans on a pink glittery mic stand, smirking mischievously. "we had no business being together, but hey who doesn't love making stupid mistakes." she shrugs. "during one of our many many many fights, he screamed in my face that I was a Stupid American Bitch." Holy shit, that's awful. "yeah it stung," she reacts to the crowd, "but anyways this song is for him." Music starts playing.  "I am light as a feather, I'm as stiff as a board, I pay attention to things that most people ignore," she sings. 

"she's cool as hell," Alex comments, watching over my shoulder as she performs and dances across the stage. yeah, she is. "Why the fuck is she opening for you?" isn't that the question of the hour.  

"no clue," I tell him. We listen to more of her songs. It mostly upbeat pop tunes with lyrics like venom. songs about confidence, self-worth, heartbreak, and love hidden behind the instrumental. "I like it," I say after a while. 

"it makes no fucking sense," Alex replies. "the crowd will get all hyped with her then depressed with you," he laughs. 

"maybe she'll surprise us," I shrug. I am already plenty surprised.

Chapter Text

Andrew

I stare at my phone, debating on texting Thea this morning. I am a chicken. We are all getting together to rehearse the whole show. I’m going to see her perform with my own eyes, instead of through a screen like the concert video rabbit hole I fell into last night. I could just text her ‘Good morning, looking forward to today’ or is that stupid?

“Why are you staring so hard?” Alex walks into the kitchen. “What did your phone do to you?” he laughs to himself, pouring a cup of coffee. I mutter a half-assed answer. “Today is going to be great, the band all back together, the crew, and Thea and her band, it will be like a family reunion.” Alex smiles, sipping his coffee.

“did you ever figure out what happened that night at the release party?” I ask. Band drama ensued in the haze of alcohol, that I happily stayed out of.

“No clue, no one brought it up again so I didn’t press it,” He shrugs. “we’re all adults I’m sure they figured it out on their own.” Fights are bound to happen on tour, so many people forced into a small space for weeks on end, it can get intense. “as long as everyone is civil I’m staying out of it,” Alex says. Quite the leader he is. Not that I’m any better. “I was talking to James last night,” He brags, “She and the band were practicing late into the night. Thea said she missed us and was excited for today.” He piques my interest, I look up from the counter and he grins like an idiot. “Yeah she was running around in a sports bra and a little skirt, it’s a shame you missed it.” He smirks.

“Fuck off,” I tell him. Alex cackles, catching himself on the counter so he doesn’t hit the ground from the force of his laughter. “You shouldn’t sexualize women,” I tell him sharply.

“I wasn’t, you were thinking it. I was simply stating a fact,” Alex teases, “those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Andy.” My cheeks heat up, he’s an ass and I’m an idiot. “She is a great singer though, I mean obviously, look at her career but when she just sings to sing it’s beautiful too.” My eyebrow twitches. I’m not jealous of my best friend, but there is an emotion that resembles jealousy there. we get ready and get in the car to drive to the rehearsal area.

“I would be complex; I would be cool; They’d say I played the field before I found someone to commit to,” Thea’s voice rings out from my car’s speakers. Alex laughs.

“Seriously dude?” he asks.

“I was listening to understand her better, nothing weird,” I tell him.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself, man,” Alex sighs. we get to the rehearsal space and follow the sounds of voices to the stage.

“He doesn’t dance or anything?” Thea’s voice travels down the hall. “Smart move, I couldn’t imagine the crime scene in its wake.” Laughter erupts in the direction of the practice room. Alex sends me a curious look. They’re talking about me? “I’m serious, I’ve seen the feral fangirls first hand, I would not fuck with them.”

“you still need to put on a show,” a man says, “dance, sing, juggle, I don’t care; you just need to be entertaining.” We walk to the doorway, glancing inside. Crew members run around setting up the base of the stage and instruments. My manager, Geoff, sits with Wren and Thea’s manager on plastic folding chairs. Thea is lying starfished on the floor. her bandmates sit around her in various places.

“I’d pay to see Thea juggle.” A man I don’t remember says. He sits on the floor beside Thea. he throws a strong heavily tattooed arm at her face.

“Don’t start today,” her manager warns. Alex walks fully into the room, ending our looming.

“Good morning!” He calls, taking a seat beside James on the floor. everyone turns in our direction, I’m a deer in headlights. Thea tilts her head, smiling up at me.

“ah, Andrew, the man of the hour. Are you excited for today?” Geoff asks standing from his seat. I nod, looking around at the stage in front of us. “I heard you met Thea and most of her band the other night, but this is her manager Matt.” he holds out his hand.

“We met at the party as well, but it was late,” Matt smiles, and I nod. I still remember him screaming at John. “I believe we are just waiting on the stage set up.” He looks to Geoff.

“basically and the band,” Geoff laughs softly. “you can hang out and get to know each other while we wait.” I nod again, awkwardly taking a seat beside Wren in a plastic chair.

“How are you today?” She asks softly.

“I’m alright, How are you?” I ask.

“I’m great!” She laughs, pulling at her messy pigtails. “We made it here in one piece and on time, it was a miracle.”

“Hey!” Thea overhears our conversation. “he doesn’t know us yet, don’t tell him how messy we are,” She says.

“You puked in a plant, Ashton got high, and John beat the shit out of him within hours of meeting, trust me, he knows,” the man beside her says. Thea deflates, her eyes drifting to the ceiling.

“Well messier then,” She mumbles.

“At least I’m not an embarrassment,” James tosses her hair off her shoulder. We laugh and continue exchanging casual conversation. at some point, Thea closes her eyes, listening to us all talk around her. She folds her hands over her chest, drumming her fingers to a silent beat. I sneak glances, admiring the fullness of her cheeks and the curve of her lips. The guy beside her notices. I look away quickly, and when I look back he has his hand in her hair, saying something quietly. He smirks at me, flipping dark hair out of his eyes. message received.

“sorry we’re late!” Rory calls, rushing into the room. “We decided to carpool and traffic was hell.” the band walks in behind him. I stand and hug him and the other members, greeting them happily.

“Thea time to get up and act human,” John says. Thea groans, throwing a hand over her eyes.

“were you planning on laying around all day?” He asks.

“No, my hip has been popping out of place all day,” Thea yells from her spot on the floor. “I got out of the car and almost slammed my face into the pavement.” John laughs grabbing her by the hands. “I guess that’s just how the day is going to go.” She is pulled to her feet.

“you guys can go warm up and tune,” Geoff directs the band, “Thea can start because we’re still deciding songs right?” he looks to Matt who nods. “Alright, so Andy if you want to stay here and give your input, that would be nice.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” I grab my notebook from my bag as the band leaves. The heavily tattooed guy grabs Thea by the jacket, glancing at me. he unzips it, whispering to her. Who is this guy?

“Ben, what the hell are you doing?” She asks loudly, backing away from him. Ben.

“I’m getting you ready, you can’t dance around in your stupid jacket,” He says, pulling it off her shoulders. “you have to put on a show, remember.”

“Fine, weirdo.” She grabs her jacket and throws it on an empty chair. Thea grabs a forest green tote bag off the floor and digs in it, producing her laptop. “It is nice to see you again,” she says, “This is exciting.”

“Yeah, it is.” I smile.

“Thea, what kind of setup would you like?” Geoff asks, forcing our conversation to end.

“Um… it doesn’t matter. Ash is normally on my left, John on the right, Ben towards the back, and James just wherever she fits.” Thea thinks. “but if you need us somewhere different, I’m flexible.”

“Okay, let’s set up James’ drum kit on a platform, and go from there,” Geoff says. James skips up the stairs to help assemble her drums. The rest of the band follows behind her.

“Am I gonna have my mic or…?” Thea looks to Matt for answers. she twirls an imaginary microphone in her hands.

“Yeah, you will, no worries,” he says calmly. “So Andrew, What kind of songs do you want Thea to perform?” Matt looks at me. “her music is all over the place, but we figured she’d lean into more of her deeper music.”

“um, yeah, I was actually listening to your music on the way here.” Thea’s eyes go wide. “I think play whatever you like, just get the crowd excited,” I say like an idiot. She nods, turning towards the stage.

“She should sing ‘Liability’,” Wren speaks up. “She loves that song and never gets to perform it.” I nod. I don’t remember hearing that song. I scribble it messily in my notebook.

“You want songs the crowd might recognize,” Matt says harshly.

“I thought the point was so that people could actually hear her other songs,” Wren snaps. They stare at each other intensely.

“It is,” He lets out a breathy laugh, glancing up at me. “There has to be a balance.” Matt taps on his iPad. “Thea, Do you have the list?” He asks. She doesn’t turn around. “Thea?” he yells louder.

“Yeah?” Thea turns quickly. “yes. I have my list.” She nods. “I figured open with ‘Quarter Life Crisis’ and end with ‘You Might Not Like Her’ the rest is up for debate.” Her band finishes setting up on stage.

“Do you want to just go for it?” Geoff asks, walking back down the stairs.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Thea nods, getting on stage. She sets up her laptop and connects her in-ears. She grabs a sparkly pink Microphone from a tech and returns to a mic stand in the middle of the stage. “I swear this is scarier than any concert I’ve ever performed,” she laughs, her voice echoing around the room. “it’s like a test you know you’re gonna fail.” she slides her mic into the stand. She begins her first couple of songs. she twirls and sways around the stage as she sings, never quite staying still.

“This is weird,” Ashton laughs as their third song ends. “we’re not jumping and dancing and partying, it’s very mellow.” he gestures with his hands.

“I know, we are very out of our depth,” Thea laughs, sipping from her water. She is obviously nervous. I don’t know why. is it me? or Geoff? of the band members who are slowly returning?

“Thea?” I get her attention. “What song would you sing if you only had one song to show someone?” I ask, “Out of everything?”

“Are you already trying to get rid of me?” She asks, smirking down at me.

“Nope, just trying to get you out of your head.” Her cheeks flush. “Don’t worry we’re all family here.”

“Well, If I was a nobody singer-”

“you are!” Ben cuts her off.

“You are an instigator.” Thea spins on her heel, poking her finger out at him. Ben sticks his tongue out at her. She steps closer to him. “I will jump this fucking keyboard,” she threatens.

“Thea, Get it together,” Matt yells. She turns around, rolling her eyes.

“If I could only pick one song, it would be ‘Bird Set Free’” She says.

“Well then let’s hear it,” I tell her, writing it down in my notebook. She beings her song. Closing her eyes and focusing on the words. it’s intense.

“I told you she was good,” Alex appears behind me. “you should’ve heard her last night, they were killer.”

We narrow down a list and Thea types it into her computer, sitting crisscross on the stage. “one song left, but like I don’t have to sing it now, it’s cool, I’ve taken up a lot of time already.” she says.

“No, we want to hear it,” I reassure her.

“Okay,” She smiles, standing and fixing her mic tentatively. “the last song is ‘You might not like her’” she looks to her band. John smiles at her. Ashton starts on the guitar.

“If you would’ve told me I’d throw away my purity ring In the middle of an airport My younger self would laugh, would never believe that, It’s against everything that we stood for,” She sings.

Thea

What the fuck. why did I pick that as my last song? Why did I agree to this? I disconnect my in-ears and run down the steps. Don’t even look in Andrew’s direction. I don’t think my pride would let me. I can only disconnect and disassociate so much and this was a bit too much.

“Good job, T,” Matt claps my back as I lean to place my things in my bag. I send him a look and his face shifts. he gets it. I might self-destruct.

“Ya’ll need help?” I yell to the band. John yells something back I don’t hear. I walk towards them anyway.

“I said not really,” John repeats himself once I’m on stage.

“oh well,” My voice shakes. I undo the break on James’ platform and we wheel the drums off to the side of the stage.

“Are you good?” John asks, pulling his bass off his shoulder.

“Nerves,” I tell him.

“but it’s over,” Ashton laughs.

“After nerves, I don’t know,” I gesture wildly. “I don’t know,” I repeat because I don’t know literally anything.

“Whats up with you today?” Ben lets his keyboard stand collapse loudly.

“What’s up with me? what’s up with you weirdo?” I shoot back.

“Someone’s being defensive,” Ben teases.

“Did something happen this morning?” John asks quietly, looking over my shoulder towards the band that’s setting up on stage.

“Matt and I got into it last night, just stupid shit ya know,” I tell them, “I said something about backing out and he yelled at me about just a bunch of shit. it just stuck with me a bit.”

“You’re both just stressed out,” James says over her shoulder, packing away her drums. “you killed it, Lovie!” I smile at her stupid pet name. “you carried yourself like a professional and sang like a badass, the perfect combo,” she flatters me. They finish putting their things away and I pretend to help. we walk off the stage to sit in the seats.

“You did a good job, Thea.” Andrew catches me by the wrist. “your songs are so passionate and heartfelt, I loved it,” he says. This is mortifying. “I think this is going to work out really well.” he smiles.

“Yeah me too,” I say. I join the others and listen as Andrew serenades us with his angelic voice.

Chapter Text

THEA

“You walked out and said you’d be back in a minute. it’s been like half an hour.” Wren walks out of the glass door. “Was it really just nerves?” She sits on the curb beside me.

“of course not,” I laugh. “It was the vulnerability and not only that, it was in front of people I don’t even know.”

“you realize you have to do that in front of thousands of people every night right?” She asks.

“Yeah, I know but that’s different,” I try to form the right words. “that is a performance. I’m not me. Those are people I won’t have to look in the eye the next day,” I explain.

“I get it,” She nods. “Do you just want some alone time?” Wren asks.

“Yeah,” I let out a breath. “did anybody miss me?” I question.

“Not really?” She laughs. “Andrew was wrapping up when I left so I don’t think it was noticed.” I nod.

“Sounds good.” She gets up, leaving me in my thoughts. I should be better than this. I have traveled the world performing and now suddenly I have an issue. It’s the vulnerability. The song I wrote when I thought I would be nobody or worse when I thought they would never be heard. I’ve lulled myself into a place of security, finding comfort in being untrue to myself to perform every night and be ‘Thea Kane’ whoever that really is. The door opens behind me, I jump internally but my body doesn’t react. ( a learned skill from being friends with Ben and Ashton for so long, you never want to let them see they scared you.)

“There you are,” an Irish voice says behind me.

“Here I am.” I smile reflexively. I turn to see Andrew, he lets the door slam behind him.

“I was worried when you walked out,” he says. really?

“Sorry, I just needed air,” I tell him. he sits on the ground beside me, his knees practically hitting him in the face. it looks uncomfortable.

“Are you alright?” He questions. no, I’m a fucking idiot.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I force a bright smile.

“You seemed a bit off,” he presses.

“Maybe a bit,” I concede. “it was weird to play songs I never play, it threw me off. I’m not usually like that,” I make excuses.

“Oh I know,” Andrew says to my surprise. “I watched a bunch of your concert videos the other night.” what the fuck?

“For real?” I ask, my eyebrows hitting my hairline. he nods, looking away quickly.

“You’re a total badass,” He says, “That’s what I expected to see on stage today.” oh cool, I let him down and he barely knows me. “I mean you were still amazing but you dropped your edge or something.” he thinks a moment. “sorry I’m running my mouth for some fucking reason.” the tips of his ears turn red.

“no, you’re right,” I tell him, “but it’ll be back by the first show, I promise.” I smile. breaking promises is a cardinal sin, so now I’m locked in. “how did your rehearsal go? sorry I walked out,” I say weakly.

“Good, we nailed down the set list, figured out the stage cues and all the good shit,” he says, meeting my eyes again. “I think the show is going to be good, the lights and everything are insane.”

“Of course, the show will be good,” I tell him, “You’re the one performing.” He’s caught off guard, laughing at my sudden compliments. “People come to see the great Hozier and leave having had a spiritual epiphany.” His cheeks turn red, blending with the russet of his beard. he’s cute when he’s flustered. he’s cute all the time.

“what about you? Your songs are soul gripping but you never perform them. What is that about?” He asks cautiously. Green eyes dart from my face to the cars in the parking lot. Curiosity kills the cat.

“They just never did well,” I shrug. “No point in performing songs no one wants to hear.”

“People are complicated and complex you can’t be expected to only do pop songs your entire career,” Andrew says. I can and I will. “Even pop stars like Taylor Swift and Harry Styles get to do dramatic ballads why shouldn’t you.”

“I never stressed about it, I guess,” I tell him. Which is a big fat lie. “They were songs for me. That was all that mattered.” We fall into silence which is becoming a pattern already. It’s not uncomfortable, it’s peaceful, calming. “I’m sure they’re looking for us,” I say after a while. “should we head back in?” He asks. “I don’t want to,” I say honestly. Andrew’s lips curve into a smile. A hint of mischief in his eyes.

“c’mon let’s go back inside.” He stands, extending a hand to me. I take it, getting to my feet. He doesn’t let go. Andrew doesn’t let go! He leads me back to our friends, squeezing my hand as we enter the room. The girls-the new girls- are talking with Ashton. Flirting with him really. Pretty shamelessly. That blonde from the party has her arms wrapped around his bicep. What could the context even be to that? “seems like they’re making friends,” he nods towards James and John both talking intently with his bandmates. Alex hangs off James’s every word. We’re gonna have to talk about that.

“so are they,” I gesture at Ashton and his forming harem. Andrew laughs a little too loud. It warms my heart but it draws the attention of the women. Their eyes train on me. Like a bull getting ready to charge. I can feel the extra weight on my body. My clothes clinging to the fat. Every flaw I’ve ever had starts to circle the toilet bowl of my brain. but still, Andrew smiles down at me. Across the room I glance at Wren, she has a big stupid grin on her face. This is a poorly written fucking joke.

ANDREW

I have no clue what possessed me to hold her hand or why I’m still holding it. but Thea is not pulling away. She moves towards Wren who stands with our managers. she pulls me along with her. “what are we doing?” Thea whispers in her ear, making Wren jump.

“they are discussing lunch/ dinner options for ….” Wren counts on her fingers, blue eyes darting around the room. “dinner for 16 people.” She gestures to the bands. “What are you two doing?” Wren asks, her eyes drifting to our still interlocked hands.

“Nothing.” Thea untangles our hands. “just existing.” She intertwines her hands behind her back. “What kind of food are they thinking?” she asks, nodding towards our managers. Wren shrugs.

“You are a dietary nightmare,” Matt points at Thea.

“I know.” She bows her head. “I’ll have fries and a coke,” Thea says, “or plain pasta and a coke.” she did mention she has weird medical issues, but what is it I wonder?

“what if they have Pepsi?” Wren muses.

“then I kill myself,” Thea says simply. we laugh. It’s a horrible joke but one she seems to make a lot.

“Kids, we’re going to go to D’Angelo’s for dinner,” Matt announces. “Sorry, but you are now all respectively and metaphorically my kids now.” Thea laughs.

“It’s because he has to babysit us,” She whispers to me.

“We should carpool, save the planet and all that, but I can’t make you,” Matt says, collecting his things. Thea turns to me.

“Wanna ride together?” she asks. “Wren and I drove here together.”

“yeah, sure, that would be great.” I stumble through my words. “I drove Alex and I here this morning,” I tell her. She nods, looking to the ground and getting lost in thought.

“Thea!” Ben yells from across the room. She whips around to face him. “Give me a ride?” He grins. Jeeze, not him too.

“I didn’t drive,” She yells back, “Wren drove.” Wren turns around, smiling wickedly.

“Why do you let her behind the wheel?” he asks loudly. They laugh. Wren digs in her purse pulling out the keys and twirling them around her fingers. “Ash, did you drive?” He turns to Ashton.

“I’m not that bad of a driver,” Wren turns to me. “They are dramatic,” She points to the others across the room.

“It’s okay babe,” Thea says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “we just learned to drive on backroads, it’s not your fault.” Thea grins up at me. “you haven’t killed anybody yet and that’s what matters.” Wren laughs hard.

“I can drive,” I offer. Alex walks up beside me.

“You’re a shit driver as well,” he elbows me in the side. “Andy has been pulled over a dozen times since we moved here.” What the hell is wrong with him? Thea laughs. Fuck, her laughter makes me burn from the inside out.

“LA traffic cops are no joke,” Wren adds.

“Would you like to ride with us as well?” Thea offers.

“That would be great,” Alex says, “I think Ben kicked me out of their car.” He nods his head towards Thea’s band. “I don’t think we officially met. I’m Alex, Andy’s best friend and bassist.” He holds his hand out to Wren.

“I’m Wren,” she shakes his hand. “Thea’s best friend, therapist and the only thing keeping her life together.” She smiles.

“hey!” Thea protests, dissolving into laughter.

“am I wrong?” Wren asks.

“no.” Thea grabs her bag stalking off towards the exit. Wren follows her lead, guiding us to their car. It’s the same little white car from the studio. “Andrew, do you want to sit in the front because you’re so tall?” Thea asks, leaning against the car. She is so considerate.

“no I’ll be alright,” I tell her.

“Can I sit in the front?” Alex asks, “I get a bit carsick.” He’s a fucking liar. What’s his angle?

“of course,” Thea agrees because she’s a nice person and doesn’t know she’s being played. We climb into the car. it smells like lavender and sweet perfume. Thea pulls her legs up into the seat to sit crisscross beside me. Her leg brushes against mine. Wren starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. Thea practically falls into my lap. “Jesus Wren!” She yells. “just because we made fun of your driving doesn’t mean you have to prove it.” the smell of her shampoo or perfume or both fills my lungs. it’s sweet like candy and flowers and pure sugar and intoxicating. “sorry,” Thea mumbles, sitting up. I want to tell her it’s fine, or that she can stay leaned up against me but the words don’t leave my mouth.

“I wanted to get in front of traffic,” Wren says, her eyes focused on the road.

“I think you just cut John off,” Alex points out the window.

“He’s fine,” Wren shrugs. Thea rolls her eyes.

“So Wren, are you coming on tour with us?” Alex asks.

“Yeah, I plan to. I want to go into management or concert directing (not the right word) so Matt has taken me under his wing and been mentoring me for years,” Wren explains, “And I think Thea would fall apart without me.” They fall into their own conversation, leaving Thea and I to sit silently in the back seat. I can feel her eyes on me, its not unwanted but I can feel my cheeks turning red.

“What are you looking at?” I ask quietly, meeting her eyes. “Is there something on my face?” I wipe a hand over my face quickly.

“No, I’m just looking,” Thea smiles innocently.

“do you like what you see?” I lean closer to her. That was cringey. Somebody stop me. Thea thinks for a moment.

“Definitely,” she smirks. I don’t know what to do with that information. I smile back. My brain stops working. The squirrel on the wheel had a heart attack. Thea reaches up, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I’m not stupid or blind,” she says. I lean against her hand, trying not to melt into her touch.

“you’re beautiful,” I blurt out. She pulls her hand back to cover her mouth, stifling loud laughter. Good job, Andy. “Sorry,” I try softly. Thea shakes her head, still laughing.

“You’re sweet,” She says, “is this how you charm all the girls?”

“Only when it’s true,” I answer. “And you are gorgeous.” Thea looks away, glancing out the window.

“Hey Wren, you just passed the restaurant,” Thea points out.

“Shit! Fuck!” Wren mutters from the front seat. She whips the car around pulling into the parking lot with panicked precision. “Nailed it,” she smiles to herself. Alex cackles in the passenger seat. “Let’s go eat!” I get out of the car, circling around quickly to Thea’s door.

“Look at you, flirting,” Alex says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Don’t pussy out,” He says. Dickhead. He walks off towards the band. I open Thea’s door for her, holding out a hand.

“What a gentleman,” she smiles, taking my hand and stepping out of the car. we walk into the busy restaurant and we are let toward our seats. it’s a long table, one side with seats the other with a booth. Thea pushes me into the booth, jabbing my side to get me to scoot down. We sit towards the end with Matt and Geoff on the other side of Thea. Ben and Wren sit across from us and James and Alex next to them. Ben watches me closely, glaring at me from across the table. Why does she have such crazy protective band members?

“Oh my gosh! Thea, I love your nails,” Shay says from the other side of Ben. Thea stretches out her finger, looking down at her dark purple nails. “They match your hair, they are so cute!”

“Thank you!” Thea blushes. “They’re press-ons!” She extends her hand to Shay. The girls exchange compliments and talk about acrylic nails. I put my arm on the back of the booth behind Thea, she leans against me without thought. A waiter comes by to take our orders.

We all talk about our favorite concert stories and memories. I talk about the last festival I performed at and the old gas can guitar I used all last tour. Rory shares a story about a rogue drumstick that snapped and hit him in the eye.

“Ooooo, Do you remember that time Thea got her shit rocked by wine titties,” Ashton speaks up. Thea, who was apparently not paying attention, turns to look at him her cheeks turning bright red. They laugh hard.

“Wine Titties?” Rory asks, gesturing to his chest with confusion.

“Exactly,” John laughs. “Like those things you can fill up with wine to sneak into concert and stuff,” he explains.

“Someone threw it towards the stage with the force of god and hit me square in the face,” Thea laughs.

“What did you do?” Alex asks between laughter.

“I just laid there and laughed, like what the fuck was I supposed to do?” Thea says. “They were like do you need a medic and I was like please no, it’s just my pride.” She laughs, covering her face. “It was not my best moment.” She curls into my side, recoiling from embarrassment.

“What about the time Ashton tried to jump on top of a speaker and missed and he fell off the stage,” Wren changes the subject. They laugh and launch into the story dramatically.

“you all have some fun stories,” I say quietly to Thea, she uncovers her face and stares at me.

“well, we’re stupid at best.” She says, “During concert season we are usually sleep-deprived.” Our food arrives. Thea and I both got pasta. Mine is covered in a fancy sauce with seafood and her’s is plain a little pat of butter on top.

“That looks sad,” I tell her, gesturing to her food.

“I eat like a sad child,” She laughs, “I have all kinds of weird issues, this is easier than trying to figure out what I can actually eat.” She scoops up a spoonful of pasta and eats it. “How is yours?” She points to my plate. “Let me live vicariously through you,” She laughs.

“It’s good, very citrusy,” I tell her. “Want to try a bite?” I offer. Thea nods. I twirl the noodles around my fork holding it out to her. She bites the fork, looking up at me through her lashes. This is wrong. I forgot we are sitting at a table full of our coworkers. I’m an idiot.

“I don’t like that,” She grimaces. “It’s weird.” I nod. Across the table, Ben stabs into his steak and cuts at it while glaring daggers at me. Alex grins like an idiot, also catching our interaction.

“Andy, what did you get?” Juliette asks from the other end of the table. Oh come on, not her too.

“Some weird pasta dish with a lemon and citrus sauce,” I tell her. “It’s very weird.” I poke at my noodles. Wanting to die.

“Not as weird as James’ calamari,” Alex gestures at the plate beside him. I mentally thank him a thousand times over.

“I like calamari, I don’t think it’s weird.” James stabs at a cluster of tentacles and waves them in Alex’s face before eating them. “it’s not even the weirdest thing I’ve eaten. John used to eat fried frog legs regularly,” She laughs, pointing to her brother. they break out into a loud debate about the gross food they’ve eaten.

“Are they always like this?” I ask Thea.

“Yeah, they’re siblings, we can’t stop them,” Thea says, glancing up at me. “Wait, look at me.” She grabs my chin, tilting my face down to her. “You have sauce in your beard.” She takes her napkin and wipes my face gently.

“Thank you,” I say softly. my eyes scan over her face, she is so kind and gentle. Dinner ends and we walk out of the restaurant. Thea’s hand brushes against mine and I take it. my heart might jump out of my chest but I do it anyway. She glances down at our hands and smiles softly.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Thea waves to her band as they leave. we walk towards Thea’s car.

“We’ll talk tomorrow to figure out wardrobe,” Alex yells to the band as they pile into someone’s truck. We get in the car and drive back towards the rehearsal stage. Wren parks beside my car, letting us out. Thea climbs out after me. “Thanks for the ride,” Alex thanks them.

“Of course, it was great!” Thea says, she gives him a quick hug. “We’ll see you guys soon.” Thea turns to me, holding out her arms. I bend down to her height, letting her throw her arms around me. “Thanks for such a fun day Andy.” Lots of people call me Andy, but hearing Thea call me Andy makes something in my brain explode. “Text me soon, " She says pulling away. I nod, not having words. She jumps in the passenger seat and Wren tears out of the parking lot.

“Well that was fun,” Alex says, slumping into the car. “This is going to be a great concert season.”

“yeah it’s going to be fucking great,” I smile starting the car. Its going to be something.

Chapter Text

THEA

“are you going to do this like adults or like children?” Matt asks, standing in front of the tour bus we are going to call home for the next couple of months.

“I think you know the answer,” Ben yells back, pushing his sunglasses into his hair. a tradition we have, well really they have because I usually have a bed, is the annual choosing of bunks. Basically, they run in and grab a bunk, it’s ruthless. concussions have happened more than once.

“Fine,” Matt sighs. stepping to the side holding open the door. “On your marks, Get set, Go!” we run towards the small door. John ruthlessly kicks Ben’s legs out from under him as we sprint to the door. Ashton runs in before me, like a spider monkey he crawls into the top right bunk. James dives towards the middle bunk on the left. John throws his bag into the middle bunk on the right but I throw it on the ground.

“Fuck you, I get some priority!” I yell, jumping into the bunk. James and John scramble into the middle bunk beside me. Pulling at each other’s hair and dragging each other to the ground. Ben uses John as a step stool and hops into the left top bunk. John recoils in pain and James shoves him, claiming the middle bunk.

“Fuck you guys,” John sighs, throwing his bag into the bunk under me. “Thea I understand, the rest of you played dirty,” He mutters.

“All is fair in the bunk wars,” Ben smiles a shit-eating grin.

“I gave up a full bed so that we could have extra space and not kill each other, so don’t say shit to me,” I tell them. Normally, I get a nice little bedroom in the back of the bus. on one tour I even got my own bus, but now I’m just the damn opener and we need all the space we can get so we don’t kill each other.

“And we are so grateful to Her Majesty,” Ashton says dramatically, peaking his head over his bunk and into mine. he scares the shit out of me. “Oh this is going to be fun,” He grins. this is not gonna be fun.

“Are you done killing each other?” Matt asks, stepping onto the bus cautiously. He walks back to the bunk alley, looking at our victory spots. “See this works out, 6 bunks, plenty of space, and a full bathroom,” he says optimistically. I swing my legs out of the bunk and join him in the main living space. “we went with the one with the larger kitchen and full fridge because you are a walking disaster,” He jokes.

“Thanks,” I say. I can’t even lie and say he’s wrong because my muffin at breakfast nearly wiped me out. damn candied nuts. At least this way when they only feed me plain rice, plain noodles, or the dreaded vegan option I can attempt to make something that won’t kill me.

“family dinner nights!” James cheers, climbing out of her bunk.

“every night is going to be family dinner night,” Ashton corrects her.

“I’m trying to be optimistic,” James retorts. months of this, what a joy. we grab out bags and crap and begin loading up the bus.

“I got the proofs from that photo shoot you all did a month or so ago,” Matt says when we take a break. He grabs his iPad out of his bag and begins clicking on it. I sit on the couch.

“didn’t Thea do a photo shoot while you guys were in New York?” Ben asks walking over to the couch.

“let’s not talk about it, it was not great,” I tell him, ending the conversation. Matt hands me the iPad. Our ‘Americana’ photoshoot photos are pulled up. “I personally thought this was stupid,” I remark.

“Ya think? They dressed us in red white and blue and put us on a dirt road with a convertible, none of that matches our aesthetic or whatever the shit,” Ben rants. “And it was so hot in that desert I think they were trying to kill us.” John and Ashton join us in the living room, looking over my shoulder. I don’t hate the photos but they don’t make sense. As I stare at it I realize something is wrong.

“boys?” My voice taking on an accusatory tone.

“What did I do now?” Ben asks, taking a few steps away from me.

“not you for once. You two,” I point at John and Ashton. “Why are your instruments switched?” I ask annoyed. We can never have serious photos.

“no, they are not,” Matt says in disbelief, snatching his iPad back. “Are you serious?” Ashton and John hold back laughter

“no one noticed, we didn’t know it was for promotional stuff,” Ashton tries to defend themselves.

“it was Ash’s idea,” John throws him under the bus.

“This whole photo shoot was a fever dream, let’s just chalk it up to heat-based hallucinations,” Ben suggests.

“I agree,” James nods, flopping onto the couch beside me.

“At this point, it might be the best I can do.” Matt rubs the bridge of his nose. “You are going to kill me, can we keep your concert shenanigans to a minimum?” He pleads.

“we can say yes, but it might be a lie,” Ben answers honestly.

“Just try to behave yourselves, please,” Matt says. “I would love for you all to act your age for once.”

“where’s the fun in that?” I ask, smirking up at him. James lies against my side.

“the fun is getting to keep my sanity,” Matt says exasperatedly. James laughs softly. “Think about it, for me, please. I’m going to go settle into my own bunk and space.” Matt leaves the bus.

“we’re not gonna do that are we?” James asks.

“no way in hell,” Ben smiles. “I’ve already thought of some Irish-themed pranks.” Oh god. This is going to get out of hand. James cackles. Those two love to prank and cause chaos.

“Just don’t kill anyone,” I sigh, rubbing my temples. they’re my best friends, but they’re insane.

ANDREW

Today we are moving into our buses for the first night of the tour. I lug my bags onto the bus and set them on my bed in the back of the bus. On this tour, I’m alone on a bus instead of taking up more space in the band bus. It’s nice having my own space and being able to decompress after shows.

Screams pull me from my thoughts. Through the windshield, Thea and her band sprint past my bus. John kicks Ben’s legs out from under him and he crashes to the asphalt. The rest of them push their way through the door of the bus. It’s a sight. As I stare at the door of their bus, Someone knocks on mine.

“Hello?” I pull open the door. The band stands in front of me.

“We came to see how they treat the star of the show,” Alex smiles, pushing past me. “Damn this is nice,” He comments, sitting on the couch. The rest of them pile into my living space, spreading out around the room. “Did you see Thea and the band running through the parking lot?” Alex asks as I sit beside him.

“Yeah, what the hell were they doing?” I ask with a laugh.

“No clue, They’re fucking crazy,” Rory laughs.

“They’re interesting,” Juliette says, rolling her eyes. She sits beside me. “Do you need any help unpacking Andy?” She asks, gesturing to my bag.

“Uh, no, I’m just going to do it later,” I tell her. I don’t really want her going through my underwear. “Thank you though,” I reassure her.

“Is it weird being by yourself?” Aliya, our pianist, asks. She rummages through my cabinets, examining the kitchen.

“I think it will be peaceful, I enjoy my alone time so it should be nice,” I tell them.

“We won’t be able to wake you with our partying,” Kellen laughs, “What a shame.” It happened more than once on our last leg of the tour, and I wasn’t exactly nice about it.

“Don’t worry Andy, I’ll come sleep with you,” Alex smiles, “Just like old times.”

“You always hog the covers,” I groan, “and your feet are always cold.” The band laughs.

“God, you two are like an old married couple,” Kellen complains. For as long as we’ve known each other we basically are. Alex laughs hard, Grabbing the side of my face and smashing it against his lips.

“Get a room,” Shay yells.

“We have a room! This is my fucking bus!” I say with a laugh.

“you tell ‘em, baby,” Alex encourages me. I nod, pause. What did he say? I turn to look at him before laughing. “don’t look at me like that,” he says.

“This is worse than third wheeling,” Aliya laughs. “Do you need us to leave?” She gestures toward the door.

“Speaking of third wheeling,” Shay snaps her head up. “what’s going on with you and Thea, Andy?” oh shit. I look down at my hands. Stretching my fingers out.

“What do you mean?” I feign ignorance.

“You’re full of shit,” Kellen mumbles.

“Andy has a crush,” Rory teases. “Like a little school girl. Look at him He’s all embarrassed.”

“we’re friends, we’ve been getting to know each other because we’re going on tour together that’s all,” I tell them. “Same thing I would do with any of you.” They stare back at me skeptically.

“you’re cheating on me?” Alex cries dramatically, grabbing onto my shoulder and pretending to cry.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,” I sigh. We both crack up.

“Should we go see how the others are settling in?” Rory asks.

“You just want to make sure they don’t have a better bus than us,” Shay laughs.

“Maybe, I’m nosey. sue me,” he laughs. The band gets up and heads for the door. Alex pulls me to my feet.

“don’t let them tease you,” Juliette says as we walk through the parking lot. “And if Thea bothers you, we’ll handle it.” She laughs.

“she’s not bothering me,” I tell her, “but thank you, it means a lot.”

“I’m just saying, I know how girls like her are. Sometimes they just want attention,” she says quietly. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I stare down at her. “girls see you and want your attention, that’s all. I want to protect your feelings.” She touches my forearm. I’m pretty sure she just wants in my pants but Juliette raises a good point. I don’t know what Thea thinks, I’m not in her head, maybe she is just a flirt. Maybe I’m stupid.

We get to Thea’s bus and knock on the door. James throws open the door with a laugh, a sparkly party hat on her head. “What’s up!” She welcomes us onto their bus.

“what’s on your head?” Alex asks, poking at the hat.

“oh we were going through our bags and found stuff we never unpacked,” she explains. Ben sits at the table a bobble tinsel headband holding back his hair. He glares up at me but it’s hardly intimidating when he’s wearing a child’s accessory. “We have guests!” James yells into the bus.

“hey, guys.” Ashton comes out from the bunks, flopping into one of the couches. John follows him, a case of beer in his hands. He smiles, beginning to fill the large fridge. “Come sit, make yourselves at home,” Ashton gestures around the room. The girls sit beside him. The rest of us fill in the empty seats. Thea walks out from the bunks, surprised when she sees all of us in the living area.

“Welcome,” Thea laughs, sliding into the booth beside Ben. A pair of heart-shaped glasses on her eyes. “Did you get settled in okay?” She asks.

“yeah, we claimed our bunks and made our beds and filled the kitchen,” Shay tells her. “What about you guys?” She asks.

“oh yeah we settled great,” Ashton laughs. “right John?” He asks, barely containing his smile. John rolls his eyes.

“We need to fill the kitchen,” Ben points out. “You need to be able to eat.” He pokes Thea’s side. She laughs falling into him, resting against her head on his shoulder. Is she that touchy with everyone?

“Matt said he’d handle it so I’m expecting groceries to appear,” Thea says. I can’t pull my eyes away from her and Ben.

“we need to hang up the bus rules!” James remembers, jumping from her seat.

“they’re in my backpack.” Thea gestures to bunk alley. James runs excitedly in that direction.

“you guys are going to love this,” Ashton laughs, “we’ve been friends for too long and this is how survive.” Ben pulls the sunglasses off Thea’s face and puts them on, they laugh to themselves. It’s gross.

“Last tour we didn’t even fight once,” John says triumphantly, sliding into the booth across from Ben and Thea.

“that’s a lie,” Thea says flatly. James returns, a rolled-up poster under her arm. She tapes it up excitedly to the door heading to the bunks.

“oh my god, that’s amazing,” Rory says between laughter. “We need something like this.” I begin to read over the bright red print.

BUS RULES:

1. be kind
2. smoke out the window
3. don’t shit on the bus
4. don’t fuck on the bus
5. don’t fuck coworkers
6. at least pretend to care about privacy. (We’re all nudists)
7. stupidity is an option.
8. remember that even if you fight you still love each other and love what you do.

it’s cute. Funny. If it works for them then that’s good I guess. They are still sitting so close, my eyes jump to Ben and Thea. Maybe she is just a touchy-feely person- maybe she does just want male attention.

“stupidity is an option,” Kellen reads, breaking down into laughter. “You guys are ruthless.”

“If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough,” John says matter of factly.

“don’t quote Jackass!” Thea laughs. She covers her face, laughing hard, blurring her face in Ben’s side.

“It’s an American classic,” John says with conviction. they laugh harder. We talk for a while before we leave for our own buses for the night. tomorrow we leave on tour and everything begins.

“Oh this is for you guys,” Thea says as we stand just outside the bus. She hands Alex a tote bag. a tag on the handle reads ‘Hoziband’ in glitter pen. “Andrew, this is for you.” She hands me a box wrapped in pink paper. “we only had wrapping paper from my birthday,” She laughs.

“You didn’t have to do this,” I tell her.

“It’s just a thank you for inviting us on your tour and welcoming us with open arms.” she shrugs. “Have a good night.” her smile is the last thing I see as we leave for the buses.

“She is the sweetest,” Alex says quietly. I nod. She doesn’t seem like a surface-level person. even that first night at the party, I could see all the thoughts racing in her head. Juliette was just being cautious… or something? Once alone on my bus, I open the box. My name is written in messy script in pink pen. some sweets, snacks, and face masks sit inside. She included a journal and a disposable camera. Underneath that is a note in Thea’s handwriting.

Dear Andy,

thank you for trusting us-trusting me, to be on this tour with you. I will give my all every night and make you proud. We are beyond thrilled to be here and promise to do great things.

I found this picture while packing and thought you might like it to brighten your space or inspire you. I think it matches your vibe.

Love, Thea

Under the note is a picture wrapped in parchment paper. It’s a painting, the size of a piece of paper. Thick dried black and white paint take the form of an anatomical heart. Surrounding the heart and spilling from it are colors and shapes that morph into discolored trees. It’s beautiful. I set it in the nightstand beside my bed.

I sit on my unmade bed and stare at it. Discolored nature surrounds the black and white heart that is bleeding color. A metaphor not fully realized. A contained contradiction. I should make my bed. I scrounge through my bag, I forgot sheets. Great. I text Geoff and Alex asking for help with no reply. I lay on my bare mattress wrapped in my comforter. Thinking of Thea and the band and the things to come.

Chapter Text

ANDREW

morning sun streams in through the windows of my bedroom. I forgot to close the curtains last night. we’re not moving so it must be really early. I get up to make coffee, a well-practiced routine. sitting at the table, I sip the black coffee. there is a knock at the door.

wren stands outside the door a folded bundle of fabric in her arms. “I heard you need sheets,” she smiles up at me. “Matt and Geoff were doing some last-minute things this morning so I ran out and got your sheets,” she tells me.

“thank you, you didn’t have to do all that,” I tell her. She climbs the steps into my bus.

“no worries, let me help you put them on,” she walks back to my bedroom, quickly pulling off the comforter. The sheets flutter in the air as they fall to the bed.

“Did Thea give you that?” She notices the painting on my nightstand.

“yeah, it was in a gift box she gave me last night,” I tell her.

“Man, I haven’t seen that in years,” Wren says in awe. “She must’ve painted that almost a decade ago.” She laughs to herself, tucking sheets under my mattress.

“Thea painted it?” I question. Wren nods.

“back when we were teenagers I think, she was a great artist,” she says. Wren grabs the painting, turning it over. “Yeah right here,” she points. “Colorful soul by Theadora Kane,” Wren reads, flipping the painting towards me. Thea’s name is sighed in gold ink. There is a paragraph at the bottom corner.

“We live in a black-and-white world condemned to conform to an unnatural state of being. It is in the artists that color finds root and takes hold. Beating from their very life force, artists spread hope, joy, and color.” I read aloud. Wren laughs.

“she’s always been a tortured poet,” Wren shakes her head, pulling the comforter over my bed. “It sounds a bit like angsty 16-year-old Thea though.”

“Does she still paint?” I ask, “It’s quite beautiful.” I set it back gently on the nightstand.

“no she stopped years ago,” Wren sighs. “Something happened with some professor or something and she never touched it again”

“that’s a shame,” I say. My mum would’ve loved that.

“That’s how Thea is, one wrong comment at the wrong time and she self-implodes. The only reason she hasn’t quit music is because it’s the thing she’s always turned to and she doesn’t know what to do without it.” Wren thinks for a moment. “Anyways, that’s enough doom and gloom,” she laughs. “We’ll be heading out soon, so enjoy your traveling!” She smiles brightly before walking out the door.

Alex soon replaces her, flopping onto one of the couches as we begin our drive. “I love Rory man, but I forgot how bad he fucking snores,” He complains. “Like a faulty car engine or a chainsaw.” I laugh. it’s not funny but it is and I’m glad it’s not me.

“Go sleep in my bed if you’re just going to complain,” I tell him. he only groans in response. “Don’t complain if you’re not going to do anything about it.” Alex sits up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He moves to sit next to me on the opposite couch, lying against my side. “What’s up?” I ask.

“I miss human contact,” he says with a pitiful smile.

“go snuggle with James,” I tell him.

“Trust me, I want to,” Alex says, shifting to make himself comfortable. “I found out what happened at that party a couple of months ago.” I nod for him to continue, recalling the night I met Thea. “according to Alyia, who was the most sober that night. while we were talking with James John and Thea, Juliette and Ashton tried to get freaky in a hallway or something. Then after John punched him they both left and I thought that was the end of it, but apparently Juliette brought him back to their place and then got into a drunken fight with Aliya and their other roommate who then called Shay and everything else.”

“Jesus that’s a mess,” I sigh.

“exactly which is why I’m glad I didn’t know until now,” Alex says, “they seem cool and fine so I didn’t ask.” Yeah, they seem the way they always do. “Oh and apparently Ashton didn’t talk to her afterwards.” Alex lives for gossip, despite claiming to hate it.

“oh, so he’s a piece of shit?” I ask.

“That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking!” Alex exclaims. “The girls were acting like it was normal.”

“It’s not fucking normal,” I shake my head. “It’s gross. Hopefully, she’ll just move on and it won’t be weird.” She deserves more than a one-night stand. But then she might try and throw herself at me again.

“I doubt it, you should’ve heard them last night giggling and gossiping like teenagers,” Alex shrugs. “Oh Ashton is so hot, John is so hot, who would you sleep with?” He mocks in a high-pitched voice.

“fun,” I laugh. “Any other developments over the night.” I try to change the conversation. He thinks for a moment.

“Kellen can down a beer in about a minute,” he throws out. Not what I meant but I’ll take it. We settle into some kind of silence. I scroll on my phone and Alex attempts to sleep on the couch beside me.

THEA

“Are you excited?” James asks, walking from the bunks in her pajamas. She sits on the couch. “of course!” I say, “It’s the first day of the tour.” I finish making my breakfast and sit at the table behind her. “I just kinda wish we left last night,” I sigh, shoving a spoon into my yogurt.

“Yeah, we could’ve been there and hanging out already.” She opens her laptop, clicking through emails. “My mom said the girls at her church are all excited,” James’s eyes scan over her laptop screen.

“I thought she quit,” I say.

“she did but they begged her to come back,” she shrugs. “A group of them want to come and see a show.”

“aw, that’s cute! You should talk to Matt about it,” I tell her. James nods.

“I think they like all the attractive men,” she smirks at me.

“don’t we all,” I mumble. “hey what do you think about Ashton and all these girls?” I ask, surely I’m not the only one to notice it.

“I think they all want in his pants,” James says. “I mean Shay seems cool but the other two- Juliette especially- are very interested.” I nod along.

“We can’t do this again,” I groan, “wasn’t sleeping through the crew last tour enough?”

“I love the guy but he’s a whore,” James laughs. I get up and put my bowl in the sink, washing it. “I don’t even know what to say to him because I don’t have much room to talk.” She laughs.

“yeah but you at least gave them respect, he acts like they don’t exist,” I grumble. Ashton really isn’t a bad guy, he’s just a man who thinks with his dick.

“That’s a good point.” She tilts her head, getting lost in Thought. “Hopefully there is no drama on this tour,” James smiles. One of the other buses pulls past us honking its horn as it goes. We laugh. My mind wanders to our foreign counterparts.

“hey can we talk about Alex,” I sit on the couch beside James. She closes her laptop, turning to give me her full attention. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but he seems really sweet on you,” I say tentatively. James smiles a dusting of pink on her cheeks. I should not actually bring it up- I just decided. Not my place, Thea is abandoning ship in this one. I stand, looking for my laptop.

“Yeah he is really sweet isn’t he?” She says, watching me. “What about it?” I’m a shit liar and worse at thinking on my feet.

“Nothing is just cute,” I shrug. Maybe it’s in my bunk? I open the fridge, maybe I’ll get a soda? Please let her drop it.

“well you wanted to say something,” James presses, “what did you want to talk about?” She has a cheeky schoolgirl smile.

“I just wanted to make sure you knew, that’s all and that no one’s feeling got hurt,” the words spill. She looks like I just shot a kitten in front of her.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She recoils, anger in her eyes.

“Nothing, I just - I don’t know. I don’t want anything to happen or someone to get led on.” I know it’s the wrong thing as it leaves my mouth but the words are out now.

“what the fuck Thea?” James’ voice is filled with hurt. “Is that what you think of me?”

“no! Shit, that’s not really what I meant,” I say. James gets up walking towards the bunks, I follow after her. “I mean, he doesn’t seem like your type. I was curious! I thought you’d be more into one of the girls,” I try.

“you’re one to talk about leading people on, Andrew is up your ass like a love-sick puppy and I haven’t said anything because I’m letting you figure it out, so let me figure my shit out!” She shouts. opening and slamming the door to the bunks.

“James that really isn’t what I meant,” I call after her. I open the door but the curtain to her bunk is closed. Opposite me the door to the back lounge opens, Ben sticks his head out and gestures me towards him.

“what the fuck did you do?” He asks, pulling me into the lounge where the boys have been hiding away.

“I just asked about her and Alex because I was worried she didn’t notice his advances or whatever the fuck.” I plop onto the couch. “I was just concerned,” I sigh burying my head in a pillow. “I should’ve just kept my big fucking mouth shut,” I sigh.

“ya think?” John laughs. “She’ll get over it, even James knows it’s weird to see her with a guy.”

“yeah, the last time she dated a guy was what, 7 years ago?” Ashton says, glancing up from his phone. “Unless we count some of the guys she hooked up with.” Beside me, John’s eyebrow twitches.

“Can we not talk about my little sister’s sex life?” John grimaces. “or any of our sex lives, please.” I laugh. There is nothing to talk about. Yet. No! That was a bad thought! Bad Thea! I mentally put myself in time-out. This whole situation is getting fucky And the day has barely started.

“someone want to play Mario with me?” Ben asks, turning on the tv.

“I’ll play.” John grabs the controller and lays back against the couch. I watch them play and yell at each other for most of our ride to the venue.

when we get there, the crew is already busy setting up the stage and loading in gear. We folllow the neon signs to our dressing room. All five of us trapped in a room together, how nice. I apologize to James, telling her how sincerely sorry I am. She accepts it, but the hurt doesn’t leave her eyes. James, John, and Ashton desperately search for coffee deciding to leave Ben and I to ourselves.

There’s a knock at our dressing room. I pull open the door expecting Wren but instead I see Andrew. His hair messily thrown up into a bun, round glasses sitting just a bit crooked on his nose, and joggers on. “Hello!” I chirp, leaning on the door frame.

“good morning,” he smiles, “how are you all this morning?”

“we’re fine, mostly tired,” I say. His eyes jump around the dressing room. “they went to get coffee and check out the place,” I gesture behind me. He nods, stepping closer.

“I wanted to thank you for last night,” he says quietly. “The gift box I mean,” he corrects himself. I smile. “Your painting was beautiful, thank you for sharing your art with me.” He places a hand in his chest, nodding earnestly.

“it was an old piece, it reminded me of you.” I shrug. That’s stupid, I need to shut up. Andrew grins.

“I’d love to see more of your art,” he says. “My mum is a painter,so I have such an appreciation for art.”

“Most of mine is packed away somewhere.” I wave and gesture around. “But that’s so cool about your mom, didn’t she paint your album covers?” I ask. he nods. “They are so beautiful, she’s very talented,” I say.

“not as beautiful as you,” he says with confidence despite it being such a cheesy line. I laugh, I can’t help it.

“thank you,” I smile through the laughter. Andrews’s cheeks dust red. “You’re pretty handsome yourself.” Under his hair, the tips of his ears turn red. Eyes lock on his shoes. He’s embarrassed and it’s adorable. “You know with the hair, the accent, and your pretty voice, it’s amazing you’re single,” I flirt. Somehow his cheek glow, a bright smile taking over his face. He looks away from me, down the hall. Very adorable.

“I’m waiting for the right girl.” He looks up at me through the wisps of hair falling in his face. His smile shifting, mischief in his eyes.

“good luck with that,” I smile, “maybe you’ll find her soon.” Andy laughs, running a hand over his face.

“Hopefully,” he hums. Straightening his back to stand tall once more. “I should go check on everyone,” he says, “good luck tonight.” he awkwardly touches my shoulder.

“good luck to you too, we’ll be in the crowd watching,” I tell him. Andy waves retreating down the hall with a goofy grin.

“Are you serious?” Ben asks critically from one of the plush chairs, I jump, spinning to face him. I forgot he was here. I raise an eyebrow. “Thea, are you actually entertaining this doofus?” he gestures at the door. Andy? What is going on?

“What is happening right now?” I ask, “What is wrong with you?” “what’s wrong with me? You start shit this morning with James then turn around and make goo goo eyes with the jolly green giant!” He raises his voice.

“hey don’t be mean,” I scold him. “And James and I talked it out, it’s fine. And as far as things with Andy you should mind your own business.”

“oh it’s Andy now is it?” Ben’s eye twitches. “You are so full of shit,” he mutters.

“Why does that make me full of shit?” He tries to walk away from me, I grab his arm with a tight grip. “No, tell me please.” I kick the door closed, trying to keep our fight between us.

“You bitch and complain about dumb men but here you are turning into a puddle over the first mediocre man who falls at your feet,” he yells, “he is just another fool who is going to break your heart for the fun of it and maybe he’ll write a nice song about it.” He’s pissed. “Use your brain and some common fucking sense! Things like this don’t happen! Guys like that are assholes!” He gestures at the door.

“guys like what?” I yell. “Guys like you? Musicians with too much doom and gloom? Bitter assholes? What Ben?” He stumbles back. “Where the fuck did this come from? It was just a normal conversation, why are you losing your shit?”

“you don’t get it,” he shakes his head.

“no, I don’t.”I spit. “I think Andy is a nice guy, he’s my friend, chill the fuck out.”

“Whatever Thea, I’m not going to give you any sympathy when you’re crying over him.” He pushes past me and out the door letting it slam behind him. What the fuck is his deal?

ANDREW

Alex and I are sitting in my dressing room. He came to talk about the setlist and never left although his company is always welcome. He scrolls on his phone, showing me random TikToks every few minutes while I strum at my guitar.

There is a roar of noise. I turn to Alex, he has a bewildered expression to match mine. We get up and look out the hall. no one is dying or running through the hallways. Alex walks towards the stage and I follow behind him. The noise gets louder as we reach the stage. “what just happened?” Alex asks Shay as she leans against a storage case.

“Thea happened,” She laughs, tilting her head towards the stage. “she has fans,” Shay smiles. I walk towards the side of the stage.

“it sounded like- well loud in the dressing rooms I thought something happened,” Alex says. Their conversation fades as I round the corner. Thea stands on stage singing and dancing in a minuscule black dress. it’s criminal. She draws the crowd in, impossible to look away as she smiles into her mic and sings from her heart. Her first song ends.

“Hi, I’m Thea Kane.” she gives a small wave. “y’all are so loud, it’s incredible,” She laughs, “This is my band, Tough Summer, they’re pretty cool.” The band waves and gestures, but my eyes stay on Thea. “Hozier gave us the task of getting you all pumped up but from the sounds of it you don’t need our help.” The crowd roars but I don’t think they’re cheering for me, not really. “he’ll be out in a bit, but you’re stuck with me for now,” Thea laughs. her laughter echoes from the speakers, reverberating in my chest. “Anyways this is a song you might know.” she nods to Ben who begins to play on his keyboard, Cheers follow the opening notes.

“Clipped wings, I was a broken thing. Had a voice, had a voice but I could not sing. You held me down. I struggled on the ground,” She sings. Her voice mixes with the crowd. The fire ignites inside her, I can see it burning in her eyes. “I sing for love, I sing for me. I’ll shout it out like a bird set free.” She beats against her chest, getting lost in the song. It is like ‘Take Me to Church’ when I get lost in the moment. The song ends and Thea turns to grab her water. She must see me out of the corner of her eye because she turns quickly on her heel towards me. The light catches her eyes, sparkling breathtaking blue stare at me. Thea smiles, sticking her tongue out at me quickly. My heart leaps out of my chest.

“She can bring it.” Alex reappears beside me, making me jump. he waves to her. “I think you’re drooling,” He mumbles. Thea waves back excitedly.

“Am not,” I say, wiping at my mouth just in case. She turns back to the crowd and continues her set. “Fuck off.” He laughs.

“damn look at James,” Alex says. his eyes find focus on the drummer. She’s into it. sweat glistens on her skin as she beats against the drums. Alex stares at her wide-eyed, now who’s drooling.

“don’t be a pig,” I tell him. His eyes trail up and down her body. he opens his mouth to speak then closes it.

“I am looking and thinking respectfully,” he nods, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s full of shit. “Thea’s ass is hanging out and you’re watching me, you have the issues,” Alex says quickly. I look back at Thea, he’s not wrong but he is morally.

“I’m going to finish getting ready,” I tell him, walking back toward my dressing room.

~*~

After the show, everyone leaves me as I get caught up talking. When I walk back to my dressing room the halls are clear except for crew breaking down the stage and moving things. Thea and John stand in the hallway, bright red faces as they stare at the ground. “What are you doing?” I ask. Thea looks up at me with a bashful smile.

“I need to shower and can’t,” she says, rolling her eyes. John mumbles beside her.

“what do you mean? Is the door jammed?” I grab the knob and twist it.

“I wouldn’t do that.” Thea tries to grab my arm. But the door swings open. My poor eyes are met with the sight of a pale ass. Moans and curses reach my ears. Oh. Oh. Gross. I pull the door closed. Falling back to lean on the wall opposite the door. Thea and John smile apologetically. Their previous expressions now make sense.

“gross,” I say quietly. They nod.

“sorry you had to see that,” Thea apologizes. “Ashton’s bare ass is a horrifying sight,” she laughs. That was Ashton? Who was the girl? I could guess.

“you’re welcome to shower in my dressing room,” I offer. Thea glances at John. “You’re both welcome to, of course,” I quickly correct myself.

“I just needed my wallet,” John sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Damn horny bastard,” John shakes his head, walking up to the door. “You need clothes?” He asks.

“it would be nice,” Thea nods, “just whatever.” John nods throwing the door open quickly running inside.

“get the fuck out!” Ashton yells. John throws things around the room murmuring excuses.

“sorry we’re leaving.” John runs out the door, letting it slam behind him. “Why is he mad at us when he’s having sex in our shared space?” John asks defeated. He hands a small pile of clothes to Thea.

“because he’s a jerk,” she shrugs, going through the clothes. “The hot pink bra, shorts, and underwear are mine, but this isn’t mine.” She holds a black t-shirt against her body. It’s comically too small, it must be James’ “I’m glad you think I’m a skinny legend like that but this is James’s” I guessed right.

“Hey, I grabbed what I saw, I was a bit preoccupied,” John defends himself, “I saw a pile of pink and assumed it was all yours.” She shuffles through the clothes again.

“It’s cool, I’m glad you grabbed anything,” Thea says, “I just want to not be sweaty.” She turns to me.

“let’s go,” I gesture down the hall. I lead her to my dressing room. If anyone saw us both walk in here together, suspicions would definitely be raised. “You can shower first,” I tell her.

“you sure?” I nod. “Thanks, Andy you’re the sweetest,” she smiles brightly before walking into the bathroom.

She comes out 15 minutes later smelling like my soap and shampoo. Hot pink sports bra and shorts, water dripping from her hair and running down her body. It’s… distracting. “Thank you again,” she smiles. “I’ll wait for you so we can head back to the buses together, unless you want me out of your hair.” She walks towards me to sit on the couch. I can see down her top. Oh the perils of being tall.

“Whatever you’d like,” I tell her, “I don’t mind your company at all.” Thea smiles, sitting on the couch.

when I get out of the shower, Thea is lying on the leather couch with an open beer bottle resting on her forehead. Her eyes are closed. hands resting against her exposed skin, tentatively waiting to catch the bottle if it tips. With her like this, barely dressed and lying in my dressing room, it’s a little hard to concentrate. My eyes trail the curves of her body- Respectfully, of course. Pale, glossy, alluring stretchmarks start on her stomach, disappearing under the waistline of her shorts.

“oh hey,” Thea’s voice is soft. Her eyes flutter open looking up at me. Was I staring too hard? I run a hand over my face.

“what are you doing?” I ask, smiling softly. I walk over to the chair in front of the mirror and sit, spinning to face her.

“thinking too hard,” she sighs, pulling the beer off her head. A perfect red circle lay in its wake, It’s funnily cute.

“About what?” I question. Thea closes her eyes again, taking a deep breath. “You don’t have to tell me,” I quickly say. She laughs at this.

“I’ve just managed to piss off most of my friends on the first day of tour, and it sucks,” she sighs. That doesn’t seem like them to fight. “James and I argued this morning, then Ben and I before the show and I snapped at Wren and now Ashton. surprisingly, John is the only one I haven’t managed to piss off today.” Her voice falls flat. It’s weird. The air goes thin, life being absorbed into her.

“I’m sure it will work itself out,” I say. Thea nods.

“yeah, I’ve apologized. It just sucks.” She holds the beer out, trying to place it on the floor. I take it from her hand, sipping it with a smirk. She doesn’t react.

“where did you get this?” I ask, taking another sip.

“Kellen came by and gave it to me, so I guess it’s technically yours,” she says, eyes lazily watching me. Great so Kellen saw her lying here half-naked as well.

“We can share,” I grin. I offer it back to her. She shakes her head with a tired smile. “Do you want to go to bed?” She quirks an eyebrow up at me.

“how forward Andy!” She says feigning offense. My cheeks go hot. I stammer through an apology. “I’m just screwing with you,” she laughs, sitting up. “I think I’m delirious.” Thea rubs at her eyes.

“you should go sleep,” I tell her even though I don’t want our conversation to end.

“I’m an insomniac most of the time,” she huffs, “I’ll lay down and my eyes will be glued open.” She bugs her eyes at me.

“you should still try,” I tell her.

“I know,” she groans. “It’s just annoying.” Thea yawns, stretching her arms over her head. Her eyes water.

“let’s get you to bed,” I say, standing from the chair. I offer my hand out to her. She takes it with a smile. We walk out of the venue hand in hand. If we pass any crew or band, I don’t notice. I’m too focused on Thea and our intertwined hands.

The night is cool compared to the harsh summer day. Thea leads me to the area behind the buses. “it’s too early to sleep,” she says even though it is after midnight. She sits on the pavement, taping the ground beside her. I happily oblige. I hit a pack of cigarettes against my leg before bringing one to my mouth. a bad after-show habit. “You know those things will fuck up your pretty voice,” Thea says, pulling the cigarette from between my lips. She bats her eyelashes at me as I stare down at her. She brings the cigarette to her lips, holding out her hand.

“I thought you didn’t smoke,” I say, passing her the lighter.

“I don’t,” she speaks out of the side of her mouth, lighting the cigarette. “Not anymore.” She holds it between her fingers offering it to me. “Just wanted to help you out,” she winks, gently placing the cigarette between my lips. That’s hot.

“thank you,” I take a long drag. “It’s very appreciated,” I grin like an idiot. She takes the beer from my hand, taking a swig. “So you don’t smoke? Anything?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Nah, not anymore,” she shakes her head. “I have an addictive personality plus I hate weed with a burning passion.” She stares at the beer in her hands. “I mean I don’t really care but it’s not for me. I’m one hit away from the looney bin,” she laughs, sipping nervously. “Sorry, I’m lame.” Thea frowns at the ground.

“no, don’t be sorry.” I shake my head. “I was just curious. I want to get to know you,” I reassure her. She smiles at this, Resting her head on my shoulder.

“I’m a fucking mess of a human being,” she sighs. “Run while you still can,” she says with a half-hearted laugh.

“I don’t scare easily,” I tell her honestly. Thea looks up at me wide-eyed. I just smile in return.

Chapter Text

THEA

3 weeks on tour. 3 weeks worth of shows and celebrations and flirty encounters with Andy that I have to shut down. The boys have made it abundantly clear that they think it’s a bad idea to pursue him, telling me literally every chance they get. shouldn’t it be my decision? our fights have more or less resolved themselves, but I can’t shake the fact that I was blindsided by my feelings for a guy. I’m smarter than that. James and Alex however support us in their own weird twisted way, constantly making comments and pushing Andy and I together like school children on the playground. They sit on the couch across from me, legs intertwined looking at their phones. It’s annoying. Cute, but annoying.

“Which picture should I post on Twitter?” Wren asks from the table behind me. She turns her laptop, two different photos of me from the past couple of nights on her screen.

“I like the one with the mic in the air,” I tell her. “It feels cutesy.” Wren nods, turning her laptop back around.

“I want to post about the tour and some of your pop-up shows,” Wren says clicking away on her computer. Alex raises his eyebrow. “Matt and I have been organizing some shows for Thea around the tour schedule,” Wren reads his face.

“they don’t want me to get lazy,” I sigh dramatically. “my real shows are a completely different vibe than what I’ve been doing.” they laugh.

“I know personally I’d love to see you do a full show,” Alex says, “I’m sure Andy would be there too in the front row.” even the thought makes my cheeks heat up. I bury my face in my shirt, totally inconspicuous.

“you could even invite him out on stage, and sing a duet together,” James says excitedly, her gestures becoming animated. “that would be cute!” Alex nods vigorously beside her. I glance at Wren, hoping she finds this ridiculous but no she nods like it’s a good idea!

“no! That sounds like a not good idea,” I stutter out, “that is mortifying and embarrassing and no thank you.” Alex laughs hard.

“the ever-confident Thea Kane, everybody,” He smiles. “how is it that you can act like a total badass on stage but act like a chicken the rest of the time?” he asks. only 3 weeks and he knows me too well, he spends too much time with us.

“I have to conserve my energy,” I shrug.

“okay posted!” Wren slams her laptop closed. “feel free to go look.” I pull out my phone, opening Twitter. I find the tweet from our official account and the first couple of replies are less than encouraging.

They keep getting worse. With every scroll, I’m bombarded with hatred from every corner of the internet. my body, my music, the change in music, the fact that I’m touring with Hozier, that I’ve been seen standing too close to him- everything becomes ammunition for their hate-fueled weapons. I stand from the couch without a word and go to my bunk. I’m not ready to sob my eyes out or anything, but the words sting. They settle like rocks on my chest.

“Thea?” Wren calls after me.

“I’m good, just tired.” I lie, climbing into my bunk. I pull the curtain closed and pull my blankets over me. Grabbing my dinosaur stuffed animal, I hug him close to my chest, imagining I am anywhere else.

I don’t know if I fall asleep or not, but my thoughts consume me for what feels like hours. Someone pulls back the curtain of my bunk, shaking my shoulder. “hey sleepy head, we’re gonna head in soon.” Ben shakes me again. I roll over to face him, he’s still in his pajamas. “Matt and Geoff wanted to update everyone on the weather.”

“What?” I mumble, my voice scratchy.

“yeah some freak storm is rolling in tonight, they are apparently debating whether or not to cancel the show tonight,” Ben explains. he turns his back to me, pulling on real clothes.

“When did that happen?” I ask, rolling out of my bunk and falling on the floor. “shit,” I groan. Ben laughs, pulling me off the floor. I throw on a dress and shake out my hair, good enough. Everyone is up, mostly dressed, and waiting for us. we head inside the venue, basically like the last one there. Alex finally leaves James’s side to return to his band. Andy smiles when he sees me, and I smile back, as best I can. it’s hard to shake the fog that’s fallen over me.

ANDREW

Thea sits on the floor, absentmindedly twisting her hair around her finger. I go to join her, crossing the room inconspicuously, which is hard because I’m so tall. But Aliya grabs me by the arm, pulling me into the chair beside her. “why are you trying to run off?” She laughs. “Do you think they are going to cancel?” She asks me.

“I have no clue, I hope not. but I haven’t been checking the weather,” I tell her. This seems to satisfy her. Alex slides into the seat on the opposite side of me. “where have you been?” I ask him.

“with James,” He says like it is obvious. god, he’s annoying. “you know if the show is canceled you’ll have a whole day to hang out,” Alex smiles. I raise my eyebrows at him. what is he playing at now? “you could always go out into town, get a coffee, clear your head,” he continues.

“Juliette said she wanted to go walk around earlier. if you’re looking for company,” Aliya butts in our conversation.

“yeah,” Alex agrees half-heartedly, “or you could ask our new friend out for a coffee.” He nudges me in the side, tilting his head towards Thea. he’s playing matchmaker again. “take some time away from everyone and the tour,” He says quietly. Thea keeps her head low, even as our managers call everyone’s attention.

“ Alright everyone,” Geoff’s voice echoes around the room. “we were going to come together and discuss the routes we could take regarding the show tonight, but it has been confirmed that it is unsafe. the venue has said we can’t have the show tonight due to the storm.” Alex nudges me with a large smile. “Andrew, we want you to make a video apologizing and explaining what has happened,” Geoff directs his words at me, I nod.

We are released back to our buses. “Thea!” I call to her. She doesn’t move from her spot on the floor but looks up at me with wide eyes. “since we don’t have to prepare for the show tonight, do you want to go get coffee or something?” I ask her.

“Why?” She asks, tilting her head to the side. Why? not what I was expecting.

“Because I want to hang out with you,” I laugh, “You look like you could use some time away from everything.” She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“I guess, that would be nice,” Thea stands, dusting off her dress. “do you have a plan?” she asks.

“No, just you and me walking around,” I smile. “we can figure it out as we go.” Thea nods, cheeks dusting pink.

“Andy, Can you come and record this please,” Geoff waves me towards him.

“Don’t move, I’ll be right back,” I tell her. Geoff makes me record a video apologizing for the show’s cancellation and telling people how to get information about the rescheduled show. Once I’m finished I return to Thea.

“That was cute,” She smiles. I intertwine our hands, leading Thea out of the venue. “so where are we going?” She asks.

“I know that downtown is this way,” I gesture as we walk. “and I figure we could get a coffee and talk.” Thea nods, getting lost in thought. we pass a group of girls who smile at us, Thea pulls her hand out of mine. she picks at her nails to cover this. “you do drink coffee don’t you?” I ask.

“of course,” She says, “I don’t drink it black because that’s psychotic but iced with oat milk and sugar is pretty nice.” Thea grins at me.

“Psychotic is a bit far, I would say incredibly intelligent,” I say. She doesn’t laugh, too busy looking at the shops as we pass by. “wow tough crowd.” I poke Thea in the arm.

“oh sorry,” She quickly apologizes, turning to look at me again. “you are very smart,” she nods. “sometimes I feel like I need a degree to keep up with your writing,” Thea laughs. We reach a coffee shop that doesn’t seem too busy. Thea is reluctant to go in. “I don’t want this to turn into a thing, maybe we should just get coffee and go.” She doesn’t meet my eyes, instead scanning the crowd around us. there are plenty of young girls who could be fans of either of us.

“I’ll get it, don’t worry,” I lean in to whisper, placing a reassuring hand on her back. “Iced coffee right?” Thea nods. “Alright, I’ll be right back.” I enter the small cafe and order from the barista, whose eyes light up as she greets me. I get our drinks and rejoin Thea outside the shop. she stares at the sky, frowning at the gray clouds overhead. “it looks like rain,” I say in her ear, making her jump. Thea nods, taking her drink. We walk through downtown until we reach the water. She speaks quietly, never fully meeting my eyes. something is wrong. She is not Thea, not right now. We talk about our families and what home is to us. deep beautiful conversations overshadowed by the gloom radiating off of her. We find a bench that overlooks the water. discarding our drinks and sitting shoulder to shoulder.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask quietly. Thea pulls at the hem of her dress not meeting my eyes. “I’m not blind, I can tell something wrong.” I rest my hand on top of hers to stop her fidgeting. “Thea, please tell me,” I beg. She looks up from our hands, eyes watery with tears. my heart shatters.

“It’s nothing, just stupid,” She shrugs, despite the tears threatening to spill.

“How can you say that? I won’t think it’s stupid,” I scoot closer to her. Thea swallows hard. wiping roughly at her eyes.

“people being stupid and mean on the internet, and I know it shouldn’t get to me, but it just hurts,” she blurts out. Thea hands me her phone, allowing me to look through the onslaught of hatred she’s received today, most of it being my fault. my fans being ruthless, tearing her apart for simply standing too close to me. That’s why she keeps pulling away from me.

“Thea I-,” I can’t even find the words. how could people hate such a beautiful human being? “I’m so sorry,” I sigh, putting an arm around her.

“It’s not your fault.” She stares out at the water. “I know who I am and what I look like and I struggle with it every day but when people point it out it just rips into me,” Thea talks lowly.

“Thea, You’re gorgeous,” I tell her. “I know people can be mean but you can’t listen to them.” I fumble through my words, trying to quantify all the thoughts in my head. “you are absolutely enchanting, every bit of you is beautiful, inside and out.”

“Thank you, Andy.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “it means more than you know,” her voice is distant.

“you do believe me right?” I ask. She nods, wiping tears from her eyes. “I don’t tend to lie, especially to people I care about.” words fail me. all I can do is speak the truth. “That first night we met, when I walked up to you I could swear I was looking at an angel. Then you spoke and I knew I met a woman who was out of this world.” Thea lifts her head to look at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Truly if you were stood amongst goddesses themselves, you wouldn’t be a step out of place. The beauty in your heart is unmatched.” I place a hand on the side of her face, wiping the tears from her big blue eyes. She leans into my touch. “and Thea, if you were to ask about your physical beauty.” her eyes snap to mine, waiting for my next words. “I’d have to bite my tongue to stay respectful,” I grin. “you are ravishing, alluring, tantalizing, sexy, perfect, and every adjective under the sun.” My other hand finds her waist, pulling her closer to me. “please believe me when I say you are beautiful.” I rest my forehead to hers.

“I believe you,” Thea smiles. She wraps her arms around my neck. “you are amazing Andy. Truly I think you are one of the best people I have ever met.” her hands play with my hair. “Not to mention, you are insanely handsome and divinely intelligent. Thank you for sharing yourself with me.” She sits up and kisses my cheek.

Rain begins to pour around us, the clouds open and there is a complete downpour. Thea sits back laughing, looking at the sky. Rain mixes with her tears. “I guess the storm came,” Thea laughs. She jumps up, grabbing my hand. She pulls me down the street. People duck into nearby stores and under awnings. I don’t want this to end. I pull her into a small alley between two buildings. “What are you doing?” She laughs.

“I don’t want to go back yet,” I tell her, pulling my jacket off and draping it over our heads. hair sticks to her face, and her dress clings to the curves of her body. She leans against the brick wall. “Just you and me,” I breathe. I brush the hair off her face, leaning close enough that our breath mixes together. Thea’s eyes flick between my eyes and lips. I close the distance between us, our lips colliding. The world tilts on its axis- my body is on fire as we kiss deeply and passionately. her hands twist in my hair, pulling me closer to her. I run my hands down her body, wet clothes making it easy to imagine what lies beneath. We break for air, both breathing heavily. large matching grins on our faces. Thea rests her head on my chest. I hold her close, twirling the ends of her curls between my fingers.

“We can’t do this,” She says softly. What? my body tenses.

“Why not?” I ask quietly, tilting her face to look at me. “am I a bad kisser?” I lean down pressing another kiss to her lips. then another. and another until we are lost in each other again.

“no,” She smiles against my lips. “it’s just not right.” Thea pulls back. “it will get messy, and I don’t want to ruin this.” She pushes hair behind my ear, smiling softly. “it’s for the best.” is it?

Chapter Text

ANDREW

How does everything just go back to normal after that? I can still feel Thea’s lips against mine days later. I would almost prefer if she were avoiding me or acting weird because then I would know it happened and wasn’t some weird dream. We returned back to the buses and went our separate ways, as if nothing happened. Like she never broke down, like I never told her how beautiful she was, like we never even kissed, twice. I knew the feel of her breath on my skin and her taste on my lips and I never want to go back. But here we fucking are.

“Jesus Andy, you look like someone just killed off your bees. What’s wrong with you?” Kellen asks, sitting across from me on the band’s bus. I run a hand through my hair trying to clear my thoughts.

“nothin’ just stressed,” I manage a smile.

“Are you getting stage fright in your old age?” Kellen mocks causing the rest of the band to laugh. “I know this is a big festival and all but you have to keep it together until tomorrow night.” I roll my eyes, throwing the nearest pillow at him.

“Leave Andy alone, it’s hard being so talented,” Shay smiles, plopping onto the couch beside me. “He has too many thoughts in that big head of his.” She rustles my hair.

“I thought you were being nice?” I say with a laugh. “I don’t have a big head,” I tell her.

“Why are you so bummed out?” She waves off my previous comment. I just shake my head and shrug, how do I answer without spilling my guts?

“Okay! What do you think?” Alex comes to my rescue, stepping out of the bathroom in cut-off jean shorts and a crop top. it’s bewildering.

“put those pale thighs away.” Rory shields his eyes.

“what the fuck are you wearing?” Kellen asks barely holding back his laughter.

“you all said you wanted to go and enjoy the festival today, so I’m dressing the part!” He shouts as the band laughs. “It was James’s idea, and I don’t hate it,” He defends himself.

“What was my idea?” James walks onto the bus, her bandmates following behind her. “Oh my god!” She catches sight of Alex who immediately tries to hide in the bathroom. “no it’s cute. I like it!” She laughs, quick to catch his hand. She is dressed similarly, except her short shorts and crop top look normal.

“I see she got to you too,” John grimaces, finding a spot on the couch. he is wearing a matching top and shorts covered in dark flowers. “Wait till she pulls out the glitter.” James digs in her fanny pack producing a tube a glitter with a sinister smile. “No! not again!” John cries.

“It will be fun,” James says “I figured we could do little braids and then put glitter in our hair.” she runs a hand through Alex’s hair; he closes his eyes and leans into her touch. he’s done for- completely whipped. Not like I’m any better.

“Wait that sounds cute,” Shay says, “I’ll do it will you after I change. I’m shit at braiding though.” James nods excitedly as Shay goes to change. “I’m sure Juliette and Aliya will do it too,” Shay yells from the bunks.

“That just leaves the boys.” James turns to us.

“Well, I’m out, I don’t do glitter.” Rory makes a quick exit. Ben stands after him, inching towards the door.

“Seriously?” James laughs, watching him.

“Yep, Thea gets enough glitter everywhere I don’t want to intentionally put it on.” He walks out the door with a sorry smile.

“Where is Thea?” Alex asks taking a seat on the couch. He throws a playful glance at me.

“She wants to be a shut-in today,” Ashton says. “she was grumpy and a total vibe killer.” John hits him in the side. “it’s the truth,” he grumbles. maybe she is just as torn up about this as me. She did it. She pushed me away.

“That’s not what happened,” James says softly, her eyes meet mine for a moment but she looks away. The girls walk out from the bunks all dressed in cute outfits. killing whatever change I had to ask about that. “Can any of you braid hair well, or do I need to call Thea?” James asks. The girls shrug. Alex leans down and whispers in her ear. “I’ll just call her, she needs social time.” James picks up her phone and dials Thea’s number.

“Tell her to get my bag, I left it on the couch,” John hits her leg. James nods, shushing him.

“She’s coming,” James smiles. “she was like a little dance mom back in the day, so she can do it.”

Thea walks in and smiles at all of us. She throws a black bag at John’s head. She is not dressed in her usual cute outfits or dressed, instead, she’s in shorts and a tank top. “so I’m here to do hair?” she raises an eyebrow. She sits beside Alex and James sits in between her legs. Thea methodically puts two small braids on the top of James’s head, putting glitter along the roots of her hair. She does the same with the rest of the girls, braiding their hair and making polite conversation. “Alex, do you want me to braid your hair?” She asks once she finishes with Alyia’s long hair.

“Could you do mine? I think It’d be a good look,” Kellen asks. Thea gestures him over and he sits on the ground between her legs grinning up at me like an ass. She rakes her nails through his hair and he lets out a breathy moan. “You should give head messages, this feels great,” Kellen says. I stretch my legs out into the aisle ‘accidentally’ kicking him.

“It’s the nails,” Thea shrugs. Her eyes meet mine for a moment and I want to scream but she looks away before I can even smile at her. She finishes Kellen’s hair and Alex takes his place.

“so Thea you’re not coming to party with us?” Alex asks, leaning his head back to look at her.

“I was told by security that it’s not safe and I should just hang out here,” she explains, “it was a strongly worded suggestion.” She frowns at Alex’s head, twisting his hair into braids to match James.

“That sucks,” Alex sighs.

“yeah but it’s cool, I’ll just be here, maybe I’ll watch a movie or something,” Thea thinks aloud. My heart jumps and I open my mouth before a rational thought can kick in.

“I’ll stay with you,” I offer. “I got the same kind of warning and I really don’t feel like dancing with a bunch of sweaty people in the pit.” Thea smiles at me, genuinely smiles.

“That would be nice, I could use a friend.” Friend. Ouch.

“yeah, and we’re not staying,” Ashton laughs. Thea rolls her eyes, “with love of course,” he corrects himself.

“What Ash is trying to say is we haven’t had a night off in a while and it will be fun to just party,” John clarifies. “Except for that night in the rain but that doesn’t count.”

“I know, I get it,” Thea dismisses them. “I’m lame and I like it that way.” She ties off the braids in Alex’s hair. “You’re done, do you want glitter?” She pats his shoulders.

“I got it.” James pushes her out of the way proceeding to cover Alex’s hair in glitter. Thea gets up and washes her hands. “I’m making a mess,” James laughs.

“you’re lucky you’re cute,” Alex teases. The bus goes silent. We stare at them. That was bold. “What?” Alex asks looking at us, his ears turning red. “Leave me alone assholes,” he sighs. Thea sits on the arm of the couch beside me, laughing softly.

“it’s cute don’t worry about it,” Thea says offering him an encouraging smile. I rest my arm behind her, my hand brushing against the fabric of her shorts. “Do you have plans for your festival day?” Thea asks, leaning back against my arm.

“I figured we’d go to a couple of sets, eat fest food, and get drunk,” Shay grins, earning cheers and high-fives from the guys.

“It’s a school night, you have a show tomorrow,” Thea laughs. She stretches her arm along the back of the couch behind me. Have I lost it? She’s sitting so close I can smell her sweet perfume.

“yeah tomorrow night, we have all day to sober up,” Kellen corrects her. “And if we leave now we can be drunk by happy hour.” We laugh hard.

“oh this is going to be fun,” John laughs. “I’m ready to go when you are.” Kellen and John go off on a tangent. Thea pushes the hair out of my face, I tilt my head to her.

“do you want to hang out in our bus or yours?” She asks quietly.

“let’s do mine,” I tell her. No interruptions from her bandmates. Thea nods. I stand, taking her hand to pull her towards the door.

“Okay,” she pulls her hand out of mine, “we’re gonna go but please be good and stay together and don’t die.” She sounds like a worried mother. Her friends laugh and shoo us out of the bus. “I hope you don’t mind my pajamas, I really didn’t plan on seeing people today,” Thea laughs, pulling at her tank top. She releases her hair from its clip and black curls cascade down her back. even in her pajamas, she’s breathtaking.

“of course I don’t mind, I love your company,” I tell her, “besides you look beautiful always.” Thea’s lip twitches. “What kind of movie did you have in mind?” I quickly change topics.

“I was personally thinking Disney like Moana, but whatever you want,” Thea says.

“I haven’t actually seen that one yet.”

“What?” Thea yells, grabbing my arm excitedly. “You’ve never seen Moana? it’s one of the best new Disney movies! you’re going to love it I promise!” She jumps around and smiles like a child. We walk up the steps of my bus. Thea sits on the couch and begins clicking through the TV. I draw the curtains closed, flicking off the lights while Thea giggles. I grab the comforter off my bed and sit beside her on the couch. Thea keeps a distance between us, awkwardly picking at her nails.

“so are we going to watch this?” I ask. She nods, starting the movie. Her eyes scan the screen absorbing the bright colors of the movie. I scoot closer placing my arm behind her. As the movie plays Thea relaxes into me, allowing me to pull the blanket up around her. “The music is really good,” I say. Thea nods against me.

“I like this story because it’s about inner strength not about love or needing a man,” Thea tells me as the credits roll. “It’s about being more than what’s expected of you and taking life into your own hands, I don’t know it just means a lot to me,” she speaks passionately.

“I really liked it.” I talk more about the story, running my thumb against her shoulder. She yawns loudly. “Are you tired or am I boring you?” I ask.

“both,” Thea giggles. She clicks on another movie wrapping the blanket closer around her. As expected, Thea falls asleep curled on the far end of the couch. I watch her, in the least creepy way possible, the way her breath evens and her hair fans out around her. So calm and peaceful and content. I just want to hold her in my arms again, feel her body against mine, kiss her deeply. But I’m resigned to sit here and admire her sleeping form beside me.

after feeling like a creep, I grab my book from the nightstand. reading silently while the cartoons play and she sleeps beside me. At some point Thea wakes and sits don’t eh end of the couch, looking at her phone.

“you have curly hair,” Thea says matter-of-factly. She reaches out, grabs a strand of hair, and twirls it around her finger.

“Yeah, I do,” I answer, “d’ya just now notice?” I close my book.

“No but I was just staring at you and you don’t take care of it,” She says.

“You were staring at me?” I ask, my cheeks turning hot.

“Well, yes. but that’s not the point.” She releases my hair, sitting on her hand. “You should let me put some of my hair stuff in it,” She smiles, her own curls falling in her face.

“Right now?” I ask, looking for the time.

“If you want.” she shrugs. Thea stares at me silently with her big blue eyes. I can’t say no to her. I also would love to feel her hands in my hair. I need help.

“Fine,” I give in. Thea excitedly jumps from the couch, grabbing my hand. I don’t even get a chance to put shoes on as she drags me out of my bus and over to hers. It is empty, her band is off enjoying the festival.

“Come in here,” she pulls me into the bathroom that is too small for two normal-sized people, not to mention I’m a giant. Thea pulls the shower head off the wall and motions for me to bend down. I dip my head to her height, waiting for her next command. “Hello,” She giggles.

“Hello,” I say.

“We never really see each other eye to eye,” She smiles, “this is strange.” I just grin back at her. “I’m going to try not to waterboard you,” She laughs, turning on the shower.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” I say sarcastically. our faces are so close, hell, our bodies are so close crammed in this tiny bathroom. I could kiss her again. I won’t. I want to.

“Alright come here.” Thea guides my head under the shower head. Warm water washes over my head, running down my face. her hand grazes the back of my neck, flipping my hair over my head. Thea’s long nails scratch against my scalp as she rakes her hand through my hair. once my hair is sopping wet, she cuts off the water, letting the shower head fall. “don’t move,” She commands me. a cabinet door opens and closes quickly. Thea runs her hands through my hair again, a sweet-smelling product on her hands. She wrings out my hair. “You can stand,” she says.

“Now what?” I ask, watching as she throws something into a cabinet. my wet shirt sticks to my chest, water still drips from my hair. Thea grabs a towel from a cubby.

“I forgot you’re so tall,” She laughs, looking up at me. I sit on the toilet behind her. “I don’t know how I could forget, my neck hurts after we talk for too long,” She laughs harder, “and I got you soaking wet, my bad.” I smirk up at her. She catches what she just said, “You have a dirty mind, Andy.” Thea shakes her head.

“I didn’t say anything,” I defend myself.

“you were thinking it.” She presses a pink towel against my chest.

“Thinking what?” I feign innocence. Thea shakes her head, her cheeks turning pink. She uses another towel to scrunch up my hair. standing between my legs, focused on my hair. I rest my hands on her waist. her cheeks turn an even deeper red, the only sign she notices.

“one last thing.” She turns in my grasp, reaching for something off the sink. “Close your eyes,” She turns back to me. Thea places a gentle hand over my eyes anyways and sprays something over my hair. “Done! Just let it dry,” she claps her hands.

“Thank you for making me beautiful,” I tell her, standing, not letting go of her waist.

“You’re always beautiful,” She doesn’t miss a beat.

“That is supposed to be my line,” I lean down to her. She smiles, standing on her toes.

“beat ya to it,” Thea says softly. our lips only inches apart, I can feel her words on my skin.

“I HAVE TO SHIT!” the door of the bus slams open. Thea jumps back from me. She pushes open the door to the bathroom, and we both walk out. her bandmates stand in the living area, their jaws on the floor. “I don’t even want to fucking know!” Ben pushes past us and locks the bathroom door behind him.

“I have plenty of questions,” James speaks up. John stands beside his sister, his expression switching between humor and hatred.

“It doesn’t reek of sex in here if that helps!” Ben’s voice is muffled behind the door. My cheeks get hot.

“Shut the fuck up!” Thea yells, slamming a fist into the door. “Nothing happened, I was doing his hair,” She tells them. I nod beside her. “What happened to no shitting on the bus?” she asks, redirecting the conversation.

“Ben ate some sketchy seafood,” John sighs. “the bathrooms here are not great or soundproof.” James snickers beside him. “this is round two,” He whispers. Thea busts out laughing.

“That fucking sucks,” Thea says. “I told him not to fuck around with the food.” She walks to the fridge and grabs a sparkling water. “Karma’s a bitch!” She yells to Ben.

“Ash was flirting with some girl, I don’t think he noticed we left,” James says.

“he is an idiot.” Thea rolls her eyes. “Well, we’re gonna head out.” she grabs my hand, pulling me towards the door. fire erupts from my hand.

“You’re not going to stay and hang out with us?” John says, offended.

“you left me this morning,” Thea points out, “Andy wanted to hang out with me. so we’re gonna keep hanging out.”

“not to mention this place is going to start to smell,” James laughs.

“Still, we should stay together,” John insists, he gives his sister a disapproving look.

“Nope,” Thea opens the door.

“don’t do anything freaky,” James says, walking towards the bunks. John’s gaze hardens.

“No promises,” She smirks, pulling me out of the bus. She skips ahead laughing. Overcome with happiness and blind hope that maybe the other day was a fluke, I wrap my arms around her, pulling her back to my chest.

“What just happened?” I laugh, thinking about the look on her friends’ faces. Thea laughs hard, letting me sway our bodies together. a group of people ride by on a golf cart laughing, it’s nobody I recognize but Thea tenses. She pushes out of my grip. “Thea? What’s wrong?” I skip to catch up to her. She shakes her head, staring at the ground. We walk onto my bus without a word. “I didn’t know any of those people,” I tell her, “and I don’t think they recognized us.”

“That’s not the point,” She says, “it’s that there are always people everywhere watching. there is never a moment to breathe or exist without criticism.” She sits on the couch, dropping her head in her hands. “sorry, I didn’t mean to get weird,” Thea sighs. She stretches her hands out in front of her, watching them tremble. I sit down beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into my side.

“It’s okay,” I say gently. “It’s unnatural and grating, I get it.” Thea nods. “Fame is so weird, it complicates everything. life and relationships.” she leans into me.

“I want to love and be loved but how could I ever willingly subject someone to other onslaught of hatred I receive on a daily basis? or jeopardize their privacy or safety?” Thea lets me into her mind. “it’s all stupid anyways,” She shakes her head with a laugh. our serious conversation turning on a dime. Thea scoots away from me to grab the TV remote. “what should we watch now? I recommend Frozen 2 but I’m open to suggestions,” She smiles brightly. it’s fake. whatever turmoil is going on inside her head she isn’t going to tell me, not today, maybe not ever. I’m not going to let her get away from me without knowing how much she is loved, and that I am sure of.

Chapter Text

THEA

My set ends and we walk off the stage. I wave to the crowd, taking a moment to throw some spare picks at a group of girls in the front. When I reach the tech, John and Ashton are gone. James and Ben are undoing their in-ears from their receivers.

“Are you going to go watch your boy toy?” James asks, pulling her in-ears out from under her shirt. I roll my eyes. It’s hot as shit, I don’t know if I can comfortably sit through a concert tonight.

“I don’t know,” I shrug, pulling at my own mess of cords. “I’m tired, hot and so sweaty, it’s disgusting.” I try to smell myself discreetly, I don’t reek. “Maybe, I could always get a drink,” I tell her.

“If you’re drinking, I’ll come with,” Ben chimes in. “unless it’s strictly girl time,” he taunts.

“I don’t care,” I turn to face him. why is he shirtless? “we are just going to support the main act,” I say. Total bullshit. “I’m probably gonna have a quick shower though, so you’ll have to wait,” I tell them. I leave the side stage and head back to our dressing room.

“Hey Thea, how was it?” Andy sticks his head out of his dressing room. he’s still getting dressed, the buttons of his white shirt not all the way done up. tuffs of dark hair sticking up from his chest.

“it was good, got the crowd all warmed up,” I say, stepping closer to him. “it’s hot as hell though, I am drenched in sweat,” I laugh. super attractive thing to point out. He reaches out, cold hands dancing across my face to push hair behind my ear. I jump at his touch.

“You don’t look it,” His voice is soft. I laugh quietly, too much noise will burst the bubble we find ourselves in. “still as beautiful as ever,” He smiles. I look away from his face. his gaze too strong. I fiddle with the buttons on his shirt, deciding to do up his buttons. Andrew steps even closer. His hand rests on the side of my head, the other holds him up against the doorway. I can smell his cologne, Tobacco and Vanilla. warm and inviting like a bonfire in the woods. “do you want to come in?” he asks quietly.

“you have a concert to do.” I finish the last button and smooth out the front of his shirt. “and I desperately need a shower,” I smile, looking up at him again. his eyes meet mine, pretty green irises covered by his pupils. He opens his mouth a few times, but no words come out. a camera clicks down the hall, please let it be the crew screwing around and not this horribly public intimate moment in the doorway of his dressing room. “Good luck tonight, We’re going to hang out in the tent.” I step back to a professional distance. Smiling before retreating down the hall.

“Thank you, Thea,” He calls after me. I get to the dressing room, shutting the door behind me, and resting against the cool surface.

“What took you so long?” John makes me jump out of my skin. he’s sitting in front of the mirror, his hair already wet from the shower, curls sticking to his face.

“I got caught up talking to Rory and Shay,” I lie. “Where is Ash? or anyone?” I glance around the room for any signs of my friends.

“Ash went to smoke, I don’t know where the other’s went,” John says. I grab my overalls and a crop top from my bin of casual clothes. I’m not trying too hard because there is nothing to try for. This cannot happen and will not happen. I start the shower and let the warm water wash away all the sweat and grime from performing. Andrew is always complimenting you. the stupid voice in my head breaks through my thoughts. He’s always staring at you with those big green eyes, taking your hand, touching your face. you’d be a blind idiot.

“I’d be an idiot anyways,” I say out loud, resting my head against the shower wall. “a dumb fucking idiot,” I mumble, shaking my head. I can’t hurt him, it’s wrong. I finish my shower quickly, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts any longer.

“I thought you drowned,” James says as I open the bathroom door to let the steam out.

“It wasn’t that long,” I yell to her as I get dressed.

“We have access to the VIP Bar,” Wren says. When did she get here? “Matt said there were only like a hundred people so we shouldn’t be bothered especially with Andrew just starting his set.” Cool. sounds good. great. I pull my overalls up and try to fasten them.

“Help,” I say, stepping out of the bathroom. James laughs grabbing the straps and fastening them over my shoulders.

“do we have to wait for you to do your hair?” James asks. I shake my head. no since in doing it when it’s just going to frizz up with the humidity. I clip it up behind my head, letting my bangs fall in my eyes. they are already curling into little ringlets anyways. “To the bar!” James grabs my hand, leading us out the door. We get down to the bar, it’s empty except for a few older men probably dragged here by their daughters.

“Thea?” a small voice says. a little girl pulls on the leg of my overalls, she has to be like 6 or 7.

“Yes?” I look around for a parent. A man watches from a few feet away with his phone in hand.

“Can I take a picture with you?” She asks, “You’re my favorite ever!” well, I look like shit but she is smiling so big and looks so adorable in a pink dress and pigtails.

“Of course sweetie! Is this your dad?” I ask, gesturing toward the man. She nods. we walk over to him.

“This is my first concert, I got to come all the way here and see you and my sister is seeing the other guy.” She tells me. I can’t help but laugh. Andy is just the other guy to her. I bend down to her height.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” I tell her. Her father takes a photo of us and I give her a big hug.

“Thank you!” She smiles, taking her dad’s hand.

“of course! Enjoy the show!” I smile brightly, walking to the bar to join my friends.

“See I told you that being stuck with dad would be fun,” I hear him tell his little girl.

“Did you get your drinks already?” I ask, they nod, siping from various bottles and cans. rude asses.

“That was cute,” John teases.

“it was cute,” I tell him, “Kids are sweet.” they aren’t corrupted by the world yet. I scan over the menu, deciding on a beer on tap. The bartender hands me a sturdy glass cup instead of an aluminum one. what kind of venue does that? We head out to our little designated tent, some spare crew sit in folding chairs or dance to the music. Andrew starts singing in Gaelic, it’s mesmerizing. He’s in a gray suit tailored to his tall frame. He looks good.

The intro to De Selby pt 2 begins to play, the lights flash highlighting the sharp features of Andrew’s face. Sweat already wetting his hairline. “What you’re given,” he strums his guitar. “What you live in. Darling, it finds a way to live in you.” That guitar is crisp. I bite into the rim of my cup.

“damn that’s hot,” Wren fans her face. She glances over at me. “Thea you’re going to bite through the glass cup!” She laughs. I keep my eyes on Andrew, watching his every move.

“I want to lose me,” he sings, eyes scanning the crowd. “I wanna fade away with you.” He locks eyes with me, smiling into his mic. I’m gonna go fucking feral. This is my fault I’ve done this to myself.

“Thea you’re gonna break your fucking Jaw.” Ben appears beside me. “Jesus let go of the cup, Sharknado.” That gets me to release my jaw and turn to him.

“What did you call me?” I ask.

“Are you really questioning me when you were about to shatter glass with your teeth?” Ben defends himself, pulling the cup from my hands. “You need a cold fucking shower,” he laughs.

“Shut up!” I yell at him.

“you’re the one eye fucking the singer!” He yells back. I cover his mouth quickly, spilling my beer over both of us. “Jesus Thea.” Ben pulls back. “Would you relax,” He laughs. He shoves me back, placing my beer on the floor.

“Would you keep your voice down,” I snap at him. Ben laughs in my fucking face. “I’m serious, that’s not funny, we are just friends,” I say firmly. Can’t he read the room? we are sitting here with a bunch of our coworkers.

“Yeah friends in the way that Ashton is friends with every woman he meets,” Ben says smugly. gross. “Where is he anyways?” Ben looks around the tent, ignoring the rage on my face. I’m gonna strangle him.

“Let’s dance!” Wren grabs my hands, spinning me to face her. “Do not start a fight here,” she whispers. We dance and sing and scream with the crowd. Who cares what the guys think? they don’t understand complex emotions or real relationships anyway. Ashton can be a manwhore and Ben can be a bitter drunk.

I stare down at my phone, answering some missed texts and emails I’ve been putting off for forever. Scroll through Instagram and see friends from my past living their normal lives. One just had a kid, another got engaged.

“I think someone is annoyed you’re not watching,” James rests her head on my shoulder. I look up at the stage, Andy is looking at us. “He kept looking over here, like a bit crazy.” she chuckles. please don’t let her start. Andy smiles, strumming his guitar. The song doesn’t register at first but once it does my cheeks flush. he needs to stop or I need to start playing stupid- well stupider.

“Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do,” He sings sweetly, eyes fixed on us.

“He isn’t even trying to be subtle,” James laughs softly.

“What do you mean?” I play dumb.

“C’mon Thea,” She sighs. “we both know he ain’t singing at me.”

“I think he’s singing at John, they’ve been making eyes at each other for weeks,” I say. James laughs hard. She holds onto my shoulders, almost pulling me to the ground. “I think we need to respect their privacy,” I say innocently. she only laughs harder, both of us end up on the floor.

“What the hell just happened?” John stands over us, sending James into another fit of laughter. “are you drunk?” He asks.

“I lost my beer an hour ago,” I tell him, holding out my hand. John pulls me to my feet, leaving his sister on the ground.

“You girls are weird,” John states. his eyebrows knit in confusion as he looks between us. “Wren, do you know what happened?” he asks. Wren turns around a cutesy smile on her face.

“I think someone got a serenade,” She grins, wiggling her eyebrows. James coughs on the ground, choking from laughing. John looks between us and Andrew.

“Andrew is up there charming all the ladies,” John says, “Good for him. James you should take notes,” He teases.

“Hey! I could do the same shit he does. Give me a mic and a spotlight, I’ll have panties dropping!” She sits up. I pull her off the ground.

“God, Are you drunk?” I ask her. She grins ear to ear. “I think it’s bedtime, maybe all the heat is making you loopy.” I pat her back. She hiccups. “The show is almost over, we can head out.” John perks up at this, gathering his things.

“We don’t want to miss the encore,” James smiles, “Maybe even an after-show kiss?” James manages to wiggle her eyebrows.

“Alex does not want to kiss your drunk sweaty ass, I promise,” John mumbles.

“Not me,” James grins, throwing an arm around me. “Thea and Andy.” I close my eyes and take a breath. She’s tipsy and tired and I made the mistake of telling her and Wren about us getting caught in the rain. John blinks at me. “as if it wasn’t fucking obvious,” James laughs.

“you kissed him?” John asks quietly.

“that doesn’t matter, and right now is not the time to ask,” I tell him.

“so you kissed him?” John confirms, I smile. “Thea don’t get in over your head,” He sighs. Me? never. “I’m going to take James to bed.” he throws her arm over his shoulder. “I’ll see you back on the bus, Right?”

“Yes, you will,” I tell him. They leave me to finish watching the show. Wren had to help get James back to the bus, unfortunately. I sneak my way to the side stage. A towel meant for Andrew after the show sits on the table. I take it in my hands, running the fabric through my fingers. Watching as he sings his final songs, my heart races. He’s angelic, handsome, and so fucking hot. Andy says goodnight to the crowd and walks off stage, his eyes lighting up when he sees me. “that was a hell of a show,” I tell him as he pulls out his in-ears.

“I’m glad you were watching,” He says. I turn the towel in my hands. “well most of the time,” Andy smirks, “you got a bit distracted, I noticed.” I reach up to wipe the sweat off his brow, he leans into my touch.

“Had to answer some texts,” I shrug. “you should’ve been focused on singing.” I boop his nose.

“I was focused on more important things.” I roll my eyes. he takes my hand from his face and kisses my palm. “I need a shower,” he changes the conversation, starting to walk back to his dressing room, pulling me with him. I’d join him- NO! Bad Thea! I need to be hosed down or something. I sit on the couch of his dressing room and he shuts the door behind us. I can’t take my eyes off him. I try but they always drift back to his hands or his sharp jaw or all of him. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Andy pulls his jacket off and throws it over my head.

“Like what?” I ask. Like you want to jump his bones, dumbass.

“like you’re thinking too much,” he says. I pull the jacket off my head even though if he can’t see my eyes he can’t guess the horribly explicit thoughts going through my mind. “What are you thinking about?” He bends down to meet my eyes. Oh, I’m screwed. Andrew grins pushing stray hair out of my face. “Something pure and innocent I’m sure,” he says sarcastically, eyes flicking down to my lips. Ok well, I’m fucked. My cheeks burn, he wins. I will happily lose this battle. I crash my lips into him, I’m weak okay? He kisses me desperately. Sweat matted hair falling between us. Andy pulls the clip out of my hair and runs his hand through it, he definitely has a thing for hair. Our bodies are pressed together as we try to fit on the small couch. I run my hands down his chest, messily undoing the buttons I had done up hours before. Pushing the shirt off his shoulders he disconnects our lips to grab the straps of my overalls. They’re unhooked and falling down my hips in a matter of seconds.

“Are you sure about this?” He whispers looking into my eyes. No, I’m not, but nothing is stopping me and I want this so bad.

“yeah,” I nod, kissing him again. “Are you?”

“more than sure,” he smirks. With a quick motion, I’m pinned on the couch under him. I wouldn’t have it any other way. He places hot kisses on my jaw and down my chest.

“Andy, did you give back your receiver?” The door busts open and Alex walks in. “Oh fuck! my bad!” He covers his eyes.

“what the fuck?” Andy growls. When Alex doesn’t immediately leave, he sits up. I cross my arms over my chest.

“Receiver. Where did you put it?” Alex repeats. “Actually I see it, I’m just gonna,” he shuffles across the room grabbing the small pack off the counter. Alex’s face is bright red as he tries not to look at either of us. “Sorry, my bad, carry on.” He awkwardly scoots out the door. I laugh hard covering my face. Let that be a sign from the universe I guess. Talk about a cockblock. Andy laughs wryly. He kisses my arms where they cover my face. I sit up and look at him, guilt settling in my chest.

“Maybe I should go,” I tell him. Andy sighs grabbing my hands.

“if that’s what you want.” He’s not going to force me into anything I don’t want, what a fucking gentleman. “I’d love for you to stay.” He leans close, kissing my cheek. His scruff rough against my face. Wild lust has faded, now we stare at each other, raw and vulnerable. I wish I had just fucked him, but the guilt would be worse if I slept with him than it is now.

“I’m sorry Andy,” I say, staring at our hands. I don’t want to hurt him, I can’t hurt him.

“It’s alright.” He rubs his thumb over my knuckles. It’s not but at least he’s sweet.

“they’re gonna want to leave soon, you should shower and get some sleep,” I tell him Andrew does up my straps with a sympathetic smile.

“I really am sorry,” I say as I stand.

“Thea it’s alright,” he reassures me. Pulling me into his chest for a hug. “I promise, everything is alright.” I nod and leave him. God dammit. I feel like shit. Trudging through the venue feels like a fever dream. I’m a fucking idiot.

“hey, Thea!” Matt calls for me. I follow his voice to a room full of management people. “I didn’t expect you to be hanging around, but good timing,” he smiles. “I have some news.” He grins ear to ear, oh god what now. “We’ve secured a few pop-up shows, so it’s time to start prepping for that,” he starts, “and you have some festivals lined up, plus we were talking about your music vault.” I’m gonna get a headache. What the hell?

“I just released new music,” it comes out very defensive.

“We know that!” Wren says, “We’re just talking about advancing your career.” I can’t have this conversation right now. I’m gonna say something mean and bitter, I should just walk away. “You’ve been hitting such highs lately and now you’re here opening and we don’t want you to lose momentum.” This was Matt’s idea, I wanna scream. I know Matt and Wren have my best interest at heart, but these other people I don’t trust as far as I can throw them.

“I appreciate it, I really do,” I say carefully. “We can start talking new music and set lists in the morning. Right now I want nothing more than to go to bed.” I manage a laugh. I don’t want to mindlessly push out music or whatever the fuck. pressure builds at the base of my skull.

“yeah, of course, we were just drinking and talking shit,” Matt says, “you run off to bed.” he shoos me towards the door. “we’re traveling all day tomorrow, so get your rest,” he calls after me. cool. I haven’t looked at a schedule in days, I’m just here. My next role in life is becoming a mindless drone for the music industry, selling my soul to get a platinum record. or some wife in the Irish countryside never to be heard from again.

I reach the bus and it’s silent. the idiots are hopefully sleeping. Pulling myself into my bunk I am racked with guilt and a stabbing pain in my head. I made my bed and now I must lie in it; sad, alone, and horny.

Chapter Text

THEA

“Hey, Thea?” John’s voice rattles like a gunshot in my ears. I groan in response. “Is your head feeling any better?” He asks, pulling back the curtain of my bunk. I shake my head, burying my face in the pillows. “Do you want me to tell you the latest Twitter drama or do you just want to sleep?” He asks. Why would he ask that? Why would he tell me there’s drama? Just let me suffer in peace.

“what now?” I turn to face him.

“you know I’m only telling you because you like to be informed,” John says cautiously. I grunt at him. Just tell me. “So apparently the dad of that little girl you met the other night took to Twitter to call you a whore because you can see down your shirt in the photo he took from a weird angle.” Of course. classic. “People are up in arms about a lot of shit, you know how it goes,” John continues. “Also Matt called he wanted to make sure you’re alive because it’s been a couple of days and he also wanted to check if you were thinking about new music.”

“cool, so I’m a whore and I need to write new songs?” I clarify. I rub the bridge of my nose.

“That’s a bit dramatic,” John sighs, “Twitter is Twitter, assholes are assholes and Matt just wants the best for you.” I laugh wryly. “Just sleep off the migraine, we’ll be at the venue soon, hopefully, it will go away by then,” he’s hopeful.

“It’s been 3 days,” I groan.

“Maybe it’s stress,” he offers. Probably, I’m floundering like a dumb fucking idiot in every corner of my life at the moment. I roll back over, John pulls the covers over me and closes the curtain, leaving me in darkness. I’m fucked.

ANDREW

I’m absentmindedly strumming on my guitar when a knock on my dressing room door pulls my attention away. “Come in,” I call. Thea opens the door slowly and lets it close behind her. She looks worse for wear. ghostly pale skin and red and sunken eyes, even her movements are slow. we haven’t seen each other since she left my dressing room at the last venue. “what’s up?” I ask. Last time we were alone in a dressing room we almost slept together, I doubt that will happen this time because she looks like death.

“Can I just lay in here? everyone is so loud,” her voice is low. Hair falls on her face that she doesn’t bother to move.

“Of course,” I tell her. Thea walks over to the couch and flops face down, letting her hair completely obscure her face. “what’s wrong?” I ask, looking over her.

“Migraine,” She mumbles, “I feel like I’m dying.” I nod even though she can’t see me. Carefully, I get up and set down my guitar quietly. I turn off the lights and sit beside her.

“Is there any way I can help?” I ask quietly.

“kill me?” she mumbles.

“No, I’d miss you too much.” I rub her back gently, afraid anything rougher will hurt her. Thea lets out strained laughter.

“Make it go away then?”

“I would if I could,” I tell her honestly. Thea sits up, hair covering her face. she maneuvers on the couch to lay in my lap. “I’m sorry you feel like this.” I push the hair out of her face, running my fingers through her curls. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “are you okay?”

“it just hurts so bad,” her voice is barely above a whisper.

“it’ll be okay,” I try to soothe her. I rub the tears off her cheeks and Thea grabs my hand, resting it over her eyes, trying to block the light. her skin is hot, she probably has a fever. I reach for a jacket and pull it over her shoulders. She eventually falls asleep, and her breathing slows. humming quietly I try to continue my warm-up routine. But Thea is more important. I keep my hand over her eyes, letting her nuzzle into me as she rests. It warms my heart to have her this close, especially after she ran out on me. It’s probably misogynistic or primal instinct but I want to protect her. Wrap her in my arms, hold her tight, and run off into the woods together.

A gentle knock shakes me from my thoughts. Wren cracks open the door, and peers around the room, her eyes falling on Thea and I. “she’s asleep,” I whisper. Wren smiles apologetically, tapping the face of her watch. “Thea, it’s time to go,” I keep my voice quiet. She groans, nearly rolling out of my lap. “You don’t have to do the show tonight, we can figure something out,” I tell her and Wren.

“no, they’ll say I’m a pussy,” she mumbles, sitting up. Her eyes swim and she drops her head between her knees. “Fuck, I feel bad.” I rub her back. Wren slides the trash can in our direction.

“I’ll get your clothes and stuff, just stay here and don’t puke,” Wren says, backing out the door. Thea spits into the trash can with a dry laugh.

“Thea you don’t have to do this,” I tell her again. “You should rest and take medicine.” Thea groans, squeezing her eyes shut.

“I’ve taken my medicine and my emergency meds if it hasn’t faded yet nothing will work,” she sighs. “It’s only 30 minutes, I’ll survive.”

“Are you sure?” I question her.

“of course, I can handle it.” Thea nods, rubbing her temples. She’s strong and determined. “I’ve done shows where I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk and literally just collapsed after hobbling off stage, this is nothing,” she shrugs. What a badass. “They pull out one of the equipment carts and let me just die there so they can wheel me over to the bus,” she chuckles. The image of Thea curled up on a flatbed cart is comical but also a bit sad.

Wren returns, a bundle of clothes in her arms. “I got what I thought would be comfy and I brought some makeup,” Wren says. Thea sits in the chair in front of the mirror, closing her eyes. She lets Wren cover her face with makeup and glitter. While she gets ready, I duck into the bathroom changing into my stage clothes minus my jacket. When I come back her hair is somewhat tamed and her bangs are straightened no longer curling into the air.

“Do I look less like shit?” Thea questions, catching my gaze. the dark circles under her eyes are covered and glitter sparkles on her eyelids.

“you look good,” I nod.

“Andy, stand in the corner,” Wren commands me. I do as I’m told curiously watching them. Wren lifts Thea’s shirt over her head, I nearly break my neck looking away. when I glance back, Thea is standing in a short pink slip dress. she lets her gym shorts fall from under the silk fabric and onto the floor.

“I’m gonna fucking flash someone in this,” Thea slurs together, pulling at her dress. “I’m already a whore remember.” What? Says who?

“I thought there were pink shorts with it?” Wren asks, looking through the pile of clothes on the floor.

“They’re in my trunk in a box with all the modesty shorts,” Thea sighs. Wren nods, quickly walking out of the room. “I don’t even look good in this,” she groans pulling the fabric off her skin. I leave the corner I’ve been banished to and walk behind Thea. She stares critically at herself in the mirror.

“I think you look beautiful.” I lean in to whisper in her ear. She smiles softly, tilting her head back to rest on my chest.

“you always say that,” she sighs.

“I always mean it,” I tell her, brushing the bangs off her forehead to press a gentle kiss on her skin, still feverish. She mumbles something I don’t catch, burying her face in my chest. Is it wrong that I like her this clingy? Or rather I hope the pain doesn’t go away immediately? I think that’s my ticket to hell. A Sweet hell. I rub her back, holding her close. In the mirror, the back of her dress rides up revealing cheeky black underwear. Realizing what I’m looking at, I look away quickly and pull down her dress.

“See I’m already flashing people,” Thea says in my chest, seemingly unfazed. “Sorry, they’re not lacy and hot. You would’ve loved that.” she laughs softly taking the piss out of the situation.

“mmh maybe,” I hum in her ear. It would’ve fueled inner my 12-year-old boy with plenty of thoughts. “I expected pink,” I tell her, resting my chin on the top of her head. Heat rises off her skull warming my skin.

“they usually are,” she says nonchalantly. How did we get here?

“I think these match.” Wren walks back into the room. “Cute,” she stares at us. Thea pulls away, taking the shorts from her.

“shut up,” she mumbles, walking into the bathroom. Leaving Wren and I.

“So Mr. Hozier-Byrne,” her eyes trained on me. “What are your intentions with my best friend?” Wren asks. It takes a lot of strength not to laugh. Wren’s soft features try to scowl at me. I lean close, making sure Thea can’t hear us.

“if she’d let me, to love her,” I say. Wren smiles.

“I think she’d like that,” Wren says. “But if you hurt her I’ll end you, there will not be enough Irish luck in the world for you to escape my wrath.” Her blue eyes spark with anger? Truth? Hatred? Now she’s a bit scary.

“Why are you threatening the pretty boy?” Thea asks walking out of the bathroom.

“I would never do that,” Wren laughs. Wait, what did Thea call me? “We were just talking,” Wren smiles innocently. Pretty boy? Is that a pet name or an insult?

“Good to know,” Thea says. “I’m ready to get this over with,” she forces a smile.

“cool, let’s go,” Wren walks for the door. Thea and I follow behind her.

“Are you coming too?” Thea asks, looking up at me curiously.

“of course,” I say, “I want to support you and make sure you’re okay.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” she says. We get to the stage and the crowd is loudly singing along with the pre-show playlist.

“Hey, you look like shit.” Ashton comes up beside us. he is such a good friend. “You still haven’t shaken that migraine?” He asks. Thea shakes her head. “Damn that sucks,” he sighs, Walking on stage. Thea rolls her eyes.

“Thanks, asshole,” she calls after him.

“You’ll do great,” I tell her, “and if you can’t go on, walk off stage and we’ll figure it out.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“I know you will because you’re amazing.” I kiss her forehead. “good luck.” Thea smiles, taking her mic and placing her in-ears. The music to her first song starts and she runs on stage.

“I’m terrified of rejection, but I get high off attention. I drink my coffee light ‘cause I’m not fucking pretentious,” She sings.

“Hey, where have you been?” Alex asks, walking up beside me.

“with Thea,” I nod towards the stage.

“of course,” he laughs.

“I swear sixteen was yesterday, but now I’m closer to twenty-eight,” her voice cracks. Thea visibly grimaces. But she laughs it off continuing with her set.

“she’s had a migraine, she’s felt awful,” I tell Alex.

“Oh, and she came to you? The resident doctor?” He quirks an eyebrow. “You don’t have to make excuses with me, I know what I saw the other day.” I want to hit him but I also want to laugh.

“no she really has a migraine, she just needed a quiet place to lie down,” I say.

“makes sense Ben and John brought out scooters and were riding through the halls yelling and then it turned into a race and was a whole thing. I was wondering where you two were,” Alex explains. “I figured you were making your own fun.” He chuckles

“alright that’s enough,” I say firmly, looking back towards the stage. Thea’s facade is slipping. Her moves are slowed as she sways to the music her skin taking on a green hue.

*Around 2:11*

“oh brother, did you know you could just strike a match? Hear him scream my name one last time.” she clings to the mic stand to steady herself, cheeks flushed a deep crimson. “Oh brother, I am home in the fires of our youth. I could care less if it hurts you anymore,” she sings her heart out, squeezing her eyes tight. Thea’s bangs begin to curl with the sweat on her hairline. I know she wouldn’t think it but she looks beautiful. Not perfect or polished she looks so beautifully human, perfectly Thea.

As the set ends, she walks for the stairs and I reach my hand out for her. Surprisingly Thea takes it with a thankful smile. “You did great,” I tell her quietly, unplugging her in-ears.

“good,” she nods with a deep breath, “because I’m gonna blackout or puke my brains out, can’t tell.” She closes her eyes, resting her head on my chest. I rub her arms.

“go shower, take some medicine, and go sleep in my bed,” I tell her firmly grabbing her shoulders. She tries to protest. “I’m serious, you need to rest and it will be easier on my bus. I don’t have time to argue so just do it.” She nods with big eyes.

“good luck Andy.” She stands on her tiptoes to kiss the side of my mouth. “Thank you,” she whispers before walking backstage. Yeah, I definitely like her this clingy.

~*~

“Hell yeah, man! Great show tonight!” Kellen claps my back as we walk off the stage. “I swear one of these days you’re gonna pass out during dinner and diatribes.” He laughs.

“I think I can go longer,” I tease.

“There is a show again tomorrow, let’s hurry up and get a move on,” Geoff yells from somewhere backstage hopefully not at me.

“no drinking tonight I guess?” Kellen laughs.

“not for me,” I sigh. Alex catches up to us, a look of distress on his face.

“dude I think the strap of my bass cut me or something. Can you check my back?” Alex asks. Ew. Gross.

“gross,” Kellen mumbles.

“What the fuck? How would that happen?” I ask.

“I don’t know, it just hurts.” He gestures wildly. “You’ll comfort Thea but you won’t help your best friend?” He complains. Yes. She’s a pretty girl and I don’t want to look at his sweaty back.

“go ask James,” I tell him. He groans. Turning into his dressing room I hear him ask someone else. I shower, change, and head for the bus.

Climbing into my bus and letting the door slam behind me. I trip over a pair of pink slippers. Thea. I forgot I told her to sleep here. Throwing my bag down, I creep towards the bedroom. She’s curled into my pillows, her face buried under her hair. Thea stirs awake, staring at me with a dopey grin and half-lidded eyes.

“How are you feeling?” I ask quietly.

“like shit,” she answers, matching my tone. “How was your show?” She asks.

“it was good, missed seeing your face in the crowd though.” She giggles. I grab a spare pillow and lean against the door.

“what are you doing?” She asks, watching me.

“I’ll sleep on the couch so I don’t disturb you,” I say, pointing to the couch. “You need to get your rest.”

“You need to sleep too,” she protests. “You’re way too tall for that couch. Come here and stop being stupid.” Thea laughs.

“I was going to make tea, maybe read a little,” I tell her.

“fine but don’t be dumb,” she grumbles, snuggling back into the pillows. I leave the bedroom door open. Thea watches me in the dimly lit kitchen. The bus starts and we’re on the road to our next destination by the time I’m pouring water over my teabag. hot tea in hand, I return to the bedroom to grab my book from the nightstand. “Andy, lay with me?” Thea reaches for me, whether it’s her half-asleep state or the pain I don’t care. I lay beside her, pulling her close, letting our bodies fall together. I’m not reading tonight. Her fingers drum against my chest, playing a melody known only to her. I let my hand play in her damp hair, while the other holds her against me. She lets out a breathy moan as I rub the base of her skull.

“Sorry.” I pull back quickly. I got carried away.

“it felt good,” she whispers, burying her head in my chest. I return my hand to her head, messaging her scalp. “you’re amazing,” her breath is hot against my skin.

“anything to make you feel better,” I say. She hums against my chest. Thea falls asleep quickly, her soft snores filling my bedroom. The blankets fell to the wayside in our shuffling. I reach down, careful not to wake her. I make A tantalizing discovery, she’s not wearing pants. my hand rests on the soft skin of her upper thigh, under her oversized shirt is just her underwear. I pull the blankets up around us. trying to put my brain elsewhere. with our legs intertwined, there are only a few thin layers of cotton separating us. This is bad. I really shouldn’t have messed up that chord in Francesca, I try to derail my brain. I wonder if Alex ever figured out what that thing was on his back? that distracts me enough to calm myself. I fall asleep holding her in my arms.

In the middle of the night, I wake with a start. My arms are empty and the bed is cold. Light spills out from the bathroom. I can hear Thea retching into the toilet. I grimace, poor thing. Getting up, I find her with her head in the toilet, tears streaming down her face. “You alright?” I ask. She nods. Standing and stretching. She’s still pale, even in this dim light.

“I really am fine I just got a little sick,” she smiles unconvincingly. I force her to drink water and help her lay back in bed. Flicking off the light I join her, letting Thea rest her head on my chest.

“Thea?” I ask the dark.

“hm?” She hums.

“why can’t we do this all the time?” I ask the question that’s been plaguing my mind. Her body tenses. “Why can’t we be together?”

“it’s wrong,” she sighs. It’s the same answer she gave me in the rain, but it’s not good enough.

“says who?” I ask. “We are both adults who care for each other. What else matters?” Maybe this wasn’t the moment to bring this up.

“I don’t want people to talk or give you a hard time,” she says, trying to pull away from me but I hold her close.

“I don’t care about any of that. Do you?” She’s quiet. Her hand finds my face, gently stroking my cheek.

“I guess,” she whispers. “Other people will want to interfere. They already interfere and I don’t know what to do about it.” Her voice cracks. “Like this relationships are seldom private or personal,” her voice returns to a whisper again. I feel the tears reach my shirt.

“This can be ours,” I say, “ignore the rest of them. Hell, ignore the entire world.” She laughs softly.

“it doesn’t work that way,” she sighs. I know it doesn’t. Not with our lives or careers. The world falls quiet. “Andy?” She asks quietly.

“yes?”

“do you think you could even love me?” Her words gut me. Rip me straight to my core. My Heart bleeds at the broken tone in her voice.

“Thea, I don’t even have to think about it,” I say, “it’s natural to love you, like I need air to breathe. Anyone who has made you believe you are unloveable are liars and fools.” I run my hand through her hair. She shakes in my arms

“thank you,” her voice is barely a whisper.

“of course.”

“Can we just forget this happened and go back to sleep?” She sniffles.

“If that’s what you want,” I tell her despite the pain in my chest. “I’m always here,” I whisper.

Chapter Text

ANDREW

The morning comes like it always does, but this morning I’m not alone in bed. Thea is curled into me, just as she fell asleep last night. My shirt is tight in her grip, perhaps a bit of chest hair too but I’m not complaining. Drool is dried on the corner of her mouth as her snores fill the room. It’s adorable.

how in any world could she think she was unloveable? Thea is kind, funny, smart and so beautiful. She lights up a room by simply being there. Thea puts on such a brave face and acts confident but then she turns around and breaks like this. It’s all the hate, everything she does is scrutinized. Her weight, her appearance, her performance, and every reaction is microanalyzed. It’s the misogynistic way of the industry, women get beat down for every flaw and I can just show up and be praised.

Thea stirs in her sleep. it’s not like I can fix the industry in a day or at all. I wish I could though. Like this, with Thea in my arms, she looks peaceful. it reminds me of the night we met, she fell asleep on my shoulder, sick from whatever Ashton gave her. This is exactly where I imagined us ending up, except maybe not with all the back-and-forth and the heart-crushing almosts. Thea rubs at her face, nuzzling into my chest.

“good morning,” I say.

“morning,” she mumbles.

“how’s your head?” I ask. She only groans in response, burying her head into my chest. “Still bad?” She nods. “I’m sorry.” I run a hand over her head.

“I’ll survive but it hurts,” she mumbles.

“do you want tea or coffee? Maybe caffeine will help?” I offer, slipping out of her grasp. She shakes her head, rolling up in the blankets. I make myself coffee and begin pulling all the curtains to make it as dark as possible. “You should eat,” I tell her.

“I’ll puke,” Thea rebuttals. I turn to look at her, she’s scrolling on her phone.

“Maybe you should stay off your phone?” I lay beside her, resting my head on her shoulder. She’s scrolling Twitter.

“People are mean,” she mumbles closing the thread. “I’m trying my best, damn.”

“This is why you should stay off your phone,” I tell her, trying to pull it from her grasp. Thea rolls onto her side. I pull her into me so she can’t escape. I try to grab her phone again but she scrolls on, laughing and squirming in my arms. Two grainy pictures make her stop. She clicks them open. They are from last night, it’s us at the side of the stage where we assumed we were out of view. In the first photo someone is helping Thea off stage, it’s vaguely shaped like me. The second photo however is obviously me, Thea crashed into my chest. The light hits my face and hair and even with the poor picture quality, it’s me. The tweet and replies spare no hesitation in calling this out. Thea turns in my arms to face me with glassy eyes. “Thea?” I brace myself for her freak out.

“I’m alright,” she whispers. She doesn’t meet my eyes but instead picks at the fuzz on my shirt. She’s quiet for a long moment. “I can’t think right now, it hurts too bad. But Andy, please don’t let go.” She wraps her arms around me. I think I know what she means, at least I hope I do.

“of course I won’t,” I say. “I won’t go anywhere.” Thea smiles, resting her forehead on mine.

“I don’t want this to end,” she whispers.

“it won’t,” I whisper back. “But you should get rid of this migraine.” She chuckles.

“I’m trying,” Thea says.

“let me make you something to eat,” I offer. Thea wraps her legs around me and buries her face in the crook of my neck.

“I just said I didn’t want this to end and not to let go,” she groans, vibrating my neck. I laugh. “Let’s just sleep.” She squeezes me tight. “Leave the stupid out there.” Her phone falls to the floor and she laughs.

“fine but then I’ll make you food,” I give in. Tangling my hand in her hair. The other rests on her hip, playing with the fabric of her t-shirt.

~*~

When I wake again, Thea is hanging half off the side of the bed snoring. she is like a tornado in her sleep. Sliding out of bed, I put water in a kettle to boil. Please don’t let go, that’s what Thea said before we fell asleep. right after seeing the pictures of us on Twitter. I took it to mean don’t give up on her, I don’t plan to but what if she meant like literally just hold her so she could fall asleep? But she also said she didn’t want this to end. I’m going to give myself a migraine trying to decode her.

“Andy?” Thea calls from the bed.

“I’m in here, love.” I catch myself a second too late. Shit. “Erm, in the kitchen,” I correct myself. Maybe she didn’t hear me. Probably not but maybe. Thea stumbles out of the bedroom. She walks up and buries her head in my chest. “What can I make you?” I ask, wrapping my arms around her.

“Can I try caffeine?” her voice is muffled.

“of course, I can make tea. But I meant food, you need protein,” I say, guiding her to sit at the table.

“I’ll eat whatever,” Thea lays her head on her arms. Not helpful when she gets sick off food.

“eggs?” She nods against the table. “What could be causing the migraine?” I ask, pulling out a pan. Thea is quiet, thinking, or maybe already back asleep. I crack some eggs and watch them cook.

“Probably stress,” she says, her voice cracking.

“what are you stressed about?” Not me, hopefully. She lets out a loud breath.

“stupid people on the internet for starters,” she breaths out. “And Matt wants to go through my vault of music and start trying to piece together a new album or some shit or he wants me to be writing again. Forced creativity is not my thing, it makes me shut down and then just life.” she unburdens herself.

“can’t you tell him no?” I offer a solution.

“I can, but he always has other motives so maybe there is a good reason and I should trust him but also I don’t know if I’m ready to release vulnerable music again. It didn’t go so hot the first time,” she says. Oh, so this is about making different music. Changing her image. “And then there is actually having to figure out new stuff,” she groans loudly.

“well if you trust him, then you should take it slow and at your own pace.” I set a plate of food in front of her and slide into the seat across the table. “If you want, I can help with writing or look through your notes. We can have a little writing session,” I offer. A smile grows across her face.

“I would love that,” Thea says, “I’m shit at writing music. I’ve been involved in writing all of my songs but god am I shit at it.” She stabs into the eggs. “Thanks for this,” she says genuinely, “thank you for everything.”

“Of course. I care about you so much, Thea,” I tell her. She stares down at her plate. My heart is hammering in my chest. “I care about you more than you know,” I reassure her. I love you, I want to scream. But she’ll probably run if I do that or I’ll make her migraine worse. She smiles softly before getting up to discard her plate into the sink.

“Andrew?” I hum in response. “I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.” She leans against the counter. “Its stupid to let other people or even the thought of other people scare me out of something that could be amazing,” Thea meets my gaze with a smile. “I was wondering- hoping that you would consider being with me,” she stumbles through her sentence. my heart jumps nearly out of my chest. Time to be bold enough for both of us. I stand, taking her hand.

“Thea I would love to be with you,” I say with a smile. “Exclusively, like my girlfriend?” I ask. She nods aggressively. “finally,” I throw my head back with a laugh. Thea hits my chest.

“Can we keep it between us? for us?” She asks shyly.

“Of course.” I pull her into my chest and kiss her temple. “Just you and me,” I whisper, “keep the world out there.” Thea stands on her toes and kisses me. Smiling against my lips. She’s finally mine. The hesitation and awkwardness melts away. I’d stay forever in her arms.

“of course exclusively, what kind of girl do you take me for?” She asks with a laugh.

“Thea, I don’t know what goes on in that brain of yours,” I say. “But I’m happy to learn.” I lean down and kiss her, quickly trying to deepen it, pressing her against the counter.

“We definitely have to go.” She pushes me away. “I need to get clothes and change too.” She walks towards the door. I wrap my arms around her waist, kissing the side of her neck.

“let’s stay here a bit longer,” I say against her skin.

“Andy, we can’t,” she laughs. “We have a show tonight, I need to go through some old songs and try to sort out this migraine.” Thea wiggles out of my grasp, turning to face me. “But we will pick this up later, I promise.” She smiles, leaving me.

THEA

what the fuck? Did I just do that? My heart is racing, I haven’t felt this stupid and giddy since high school. Holy shit. Resting my hand against my chest to confirm that yes, my heart is exploding and doing backflips. this feels like a big girl move. Even though I’m internally freaking out like a teenager. Everything feels so right with Andy, so safe. I really hope I don’t fuck this up.

The bus is quiet, eerily quiet. I open the door to the bunks, no one is sleeping. All of their bunks are open. I grab a set of gym shorts and a sports bra and start changing. God, they are so bitchy when I’m late.

“hey T, nice ass,” Ben says from behind me, making me jump.

“what the shit?” I spit, turning to look at him.

“I’m glad you’re alive we were taking bets if you’d be able to function today,” he tells me leaning against the bunks. I pull at the bottom of my shirt, almost taking it off. I stop and look at him. “Go on,” he urges me.

“fucking perv.” I hit him. Ben turns his back, letting me pull on my sports bra. “where is everyone?” I ask.

“they’re inside, John wants to restring and tune everything,” he explains. “I’m on a digi keyboard, I have nothing to tune.” I laugh. Throwing my shirt over his head. “So did you sleep with Andrew last night?” I nearly choke on my spit.

“Jesus Ben!” I chastise him. “I slept on his bus that’s all,” I say, my cheeks are hot. I walk into the bathroom to avoid him.

“Sure, whatever you want us to believe.” He follows me.

“it’s the truth.” I start brushing my teeth.

“Okay fine,” he gives in. “What is Matt on about new recordings and new music? Are you ready to release music again?” He asks. Pain surges through my skull. I spit into the sink.

“I don’t know,” I sigh. “He wants to look back through my vault and I guess think about a new album.” Ben nods taking in my words. I kick on my shoes and we walk into the venue.

“where the hell have you been?” Ashton spits as soon as we walk in.

“good morning to you too, sunshine,” I tease. He doesn’t laugh. Ash sits on the floor restringing the guitar on his lap.

“you disappeared last night, come to find out you’re out hooking up with the tree man,” he says, staring me down.

“be nice,” I say sternly. “I had and still have a migraine, I was sleeping in his bus because it’s quiet and easier to get one person to be quiet instead of four,” I explain through gritted teeth. He is not making me into a whore.

“Whatever,” he huffs.

“do we have a problem, Ashton?” I ask. If he wants to fight I’ll fight, I’m in too much pain for this shit. John and James watch us cautiously. My eyebrow begins to twitch.

“no we don’t, Theodora,” he retorts. I take a deep breath and sit on the nearest couch. pulling out my laptop, I start clicking through old tracks. James sits beside me and throws an arm over my shoulders, I rest my head against her.

“just ignore him,” she whispers, “he got himself into lady troubles.” I raise my eyebrows. What did he do now? “He was hooking up with Juliet.” I roll my eyes. “Yeah it happened multiple times, then I guess he went off and flirted with a tech and got his dick wet and now it’s blown up in his face,” James gossips with me.

“how does he do this every tour?” I ask. He damn near caused world war 3 on our last tour between the opener and her bassist.

“I don’t know,” James shakes her head. “He’s a man, he’ll never learn.”

“so now we have to put up with his attitude because he’s an idiot?” I ask.

“yep.”

“great.” I sigh. “How’s things with Alex?” I ask. “I don’t think I’ve seen him in like a week.” I’ve lost too much time to this damn migraine.

“he’s good, things are good,” she grins wide. “How are things with Andy?” She asks. Fucking fantastic.

“good,” I smile.

“good.” We bust into laughter like little girls. Unashamed and uncontrollable. Our little crushes taking over our lives. “you know Alex mentioned he walked in on someone in a comprising position, any clue on who that could be?”

“I might,” I smirk. We’re laughing again, loud and annoying.

“I thought you had a migraine,” Ashton says curtly.

“I do Ash. I’m sorry my shred of joy is offending you,” I say. Ben snickers. “Listen, let’s all just relax and take it easy. I want to get through the day without my head exploding. I’ll even order food or something if you want,” I tell them. anything to keep the peace, today should be happy. I’m happy.

They make me order a bunch of junk food and all the salt and soda relieves a shit ton of my migraine. I decide to go lay in our dressing room while the band finishes up all their instrument fun. I pass Andrew in the hall and smile inconspicuously. Andrew catches my arm, pulling me into him. “Hey,” he smirks, placing a quick kiss on my lips. so much for a secret, I guess.

“hey,” I giggle against him.

“you feeling better?” He asks.

“I am now.” I brush hair off his face. Andy laughs. “My head is pounding but I’ll live,” I tell him.

“I want you to stay in my bus again tonight,” he says, kinda hot. “We’re traveling tomorrow, so there is no stress and it will be just you and me.”

“and my never-ending migraine,” I sigh.

“and your doting boyfriend who will nurse you back to health.” I nearly choke. He grins from ear to ear.

“I like the sound of that,” I smile. I might throw up with all the emotions but all is well.

ANDREW

Thea is asleep by the time I get to the bus. Laying in bed beside her, I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest. In just a sports bra and short my hands rest against her soft skin.

“Welcome back,” she says groggily. “Your hands are cold.” She places her warm hands on mine.

“I’m sorry.” I kiss her neck. “I got rained on.” She laughs softly.

“Poor baby,” She coos, turning in my arms. “how was the show?” she asks, pushing hair off my face.

“it was good.” Thea traces shapes against my cheek. her hands warm and soft. “how’s your head?”

“better, I probably could’ve slept in my own bed tonight,” She says. my heart jumps. “it’s amazing what a crisp fountain soda can do,” She laughs.

“if you had slept in your own bed, then we couldn’t do this.” I kiss her gently, then deepening it till we are both gasping for breath. “isn’t this better?” I smile.

“I guess,” Thea yawns loudly.

“Am I boring you?” I kiss the side of her mouth.

“no, not it all,” she mumbles, “although you did wake me up.” Seriously? she’s lucky she’s adorable. her hands tangle in my hair.

“what can I say? I’m excited to see my girlfriend,” I tell her. Thea smiles softly at the word.

“I like the sound of that,” She hums, letting her eyes fall closed.

“Me too.” I kiss her forehead, then her lips again.

“I say we go to bed,” she says, pulling away from me. I’m helpless to her, despite the fantasies in my head. “Sorry I’m lame and tired,” She apologizes.

“you don’t have to apologize for that,” I tell her. “you can feel what you feel and be who you are, I’ll still love you.” Her eyes snap open, Thea tenses in my arms. oh shit. She opens her mouth to speak but closes it, watching me closely.

“those are big words,” She says after a moment. her cheeks are red. I nod. “you love me?” She questions. Well yeah, I said it, didn’t I?

“of course,” I say, “loving you is natural.” I echo the words I said last night. even if it weren’t romantic I would love her. She draws people in with her big eyes and shimmering personality, it’s impossible not to love her. I wipe the tears forming in her eyes. “I love you, Thea,” I repeat.

“I love you too,” She says hesitantly before laughing. ouch? “no sorry, I’m nervous, I really do love you.” she wiggles closer, intertwining our legs. “I feel like I blacked out and I’ve known you forever but at the same time, I was literally terrified a couple days ago. no wonder my head hurts,” she explains quickly. Thea takes a breath. “I love you, Andy,” She smiles. “when I first saw you I knew we were meant to be in each other’s lives and I’m glad this is how it turned out.”

“What?” I ask, confused.

“I don’t know, I just knew. it’s like a gut feeling,” Thea explains. “women’s intuition, I guess.”

“Well, I’m glad it was right.” I kiss her temple.

“Me too,” She yawns.

“you’re that tired?” I ask.

“Yes,” she buries her head in my chest. “I love you,” She mumbles, heating my skin.

“I love you too, now let’s go to bed,” I tell her, holding her close. It’s crazy to think almost a week ago she was running away from my dressing room after almost sleeping together, and now we are literally sleeping together.

She pushes back against me, my hard-on digging into the small of her back. I hear her take a breath. Thea turns in a quick motion to straddle my hips. She looks down at me with dark eyes and an ever-growing smile. “What are you doing?” I ask her.

“you’ve taken such good care of me the past couple of days, I wanted to return the favor,” she tells me. She reaches between us palming me through my pajama pants. “Isn’t this what you’ve wanted Andy?” She grinds our hips together, leaning down to place hot kisses on my face. My hands run under her shirt, over the warm curves of her skin. In one quick move, I flip us so I’m towering over her.

“This is what I’ve wanted,” I growl in her ear. Now that I have her like this, I am going to devour her. I kiss her rough and deep until our lips are swollen and we’re both out of breath.

Pain shoots up from my leg. My eyes snap open. Thea is still sound asleep beside me, all her hair in my face. She kicked me in the shin. It was a dream. A wonderful dream. I get up to handle things. When I get out of the bathroom Thea’s eyes are open, she watches me return to bed.

“I woke up and you were gone,” She whines softly, holding her arms out to me. I lay back down, warm in her embrace.

“Sorry, I had to pee,” I lie, letting her pull my head to her chest. her heart beats softly, her breast the perfect pillows.

“It’s okay,” she hums, stroking my hair. I’m almost asleep, perfectly content. “you talk in your sleep,” she whispers, kissing my head. I look up at her. A small smirk on her lips but Thea’s eyes stay closed.

Chapter Text

THEA

Walking through the venue this morning feels good. I feel good. There is music to write and notes to sort through. I’ll find a place to hang out and just exist for a while. Andy’s laugh hits my ears and lifts my spirit. peering through a doorway, he’s standing with Geoff and some crew members. his smile widens as I catch his eye. he sends a small wave in my direction. continuing on into the venue I know I’m smiling like an idiot. we have to keep this quiet. if everyone knows then everyone will have an opinion.

I find Alex sitting alone in a large room with plenty of couches and chairs for the band. He’s absentmindedly playing the guitar and humming to himself. he really can play anything, can’t he?

“Good morning!” I smile at Alex.

“Morning!” he looks up from his guitar. “how are you? feeling better?” he asks. I sit beside him on the couch, tossing my bag to the ground.

“yeah much better,” I sigh, “Although I slammed my head into the bunk this morning. I was too used to the luxuries in Andy’s bus.” I laugh. Alex’s eyes light up with a familiar mischief.

“so the rumors are true?” he questions me.

“What rumors?” I ask with an innocent smile.

“well I know what I saw but according to a blonde-haired birdie there is more than meets the eye,” he answers, a sly smile pulling at his lips. James.

“Are they rumors or just James whispering in your ear?”I ask sarcastically. he runs a hand through his hair, eyes darting away from me. typical boy.

“I will not give away my sources,” he says out of the side of his mouth. I laugh hard, laying back against the couch. “you didn’t answer my question.” he nudges me with his knee.

“I figured he told you,” I shrug.

“We don’t gossip the way you do,” he tells me. Bullshit! I know this man can run his mouth. I raise an eyebrow. “And the last time I brought it up Andy nearly downed a bottle of whiskey before he formed a coherent thought,” Alex folds.

“damn, that bad?” I sigh. Did I hurt him that bad? “When was this?”

“yeah, after your little escapades,” he whispers. I giggle- the night he ruined. “He was going on and on about wanting to understand you and kill the awkward tension and something about fame being a bastard.” Alex laughs.

“Well, we’ve worked that out.” I smile. I’m glad the wishy-washy is over, I’m glad we know what we are even if everyone else doesn’t. “But it’s kind of a secret,” I say.

“I know, James told me.” He nods. I roll my eyes. Of course, she did. Wait…when? I told her like last night! Well, at least she’s confiding in Alex and not her brother because I cannot deal with John and his opinions right now. He strums his guitar to fill the silence.

“ugh, I have to write,” I groan.

“Well, I’m happy to help.” He grins, slapping a hand on his guitar strings. “My qualifications are writing with Andy for years,” he beams.

“That would be great, I’m shit at this,” I sigh. I dig through my bag and pull out my journal. This thing has seen it all every high, low, heartbreak, and success.

“what have you got?” Alex looks at the journal in my hands. I flip through the pages rapidly.

“um… let’s see. I have a good rhyme here: bloodsucker, fame fucker- bleed me dry like a god damn vampire,” I sing half-heartedly.

“Ooo spicy,” he laughs. Recreating the melody on his guitar. “Who pissed you off?”

“my ex,” I shrug. Flipping through pages quickly I land on another set of lyrics I put together. “I wasn’t taught to tame the driver, just how to delay the raging fire. And that turns signals ticking, ticking, ticking, but he’s in the driver’s seat,” I try. I like it and the metaphors but where do I go? Alex listens, his eyes glazed over lost deep in thought. Things about the past, things I’ve left behind: that’s where all my deep thoughts and songs live. Going back there, to the person I was is dangerous. I’ve come too far to look back. “I don’t know,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I swing my legs over the back of the couch, letting my head fall off the cushion towards the floor.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Alex laughs.

“the blood rushing to my head helps me think,” I say, “it’s also something about a literal change in perspective.” Alex continues to play things he finds interesting. I flip a page in my journal. “If I was some paint, did it splatter? on a promising grown man? If I was a child did it matter? if you could wash your hands?” I sing, Alex nods for me to continue. “All I used to do was pray. would’ve, Could’ve, should’ve. if you’d never looked my way. I would’ve stayed on my knees, and I damn sure never would’ve danced with the devil at 19.” I run out of words in my mess of chicken scratch, laughing awkwardly.

“that was good, I liked that.” Alex stops playing. “where’d it come from?” he glances at my journal.

“I like the phrase, would’ve could’ve should’ve,” I start, “and I guess I really tied it into my regrets with my ex and the shit he put me through.” Alex nods, taking in my words.

“you haven’t mentioned your ex before,” Alex looks at me curiously.

“well he’s a piece of shit, there’s not much to talk about,” I shrug. “He was sweet and charming and he might have actually liked me at first but as time went on it was clear he cared more about looks and impressions. He cheated on me with models and actresses. He slept with his costar he swore he didn’t like. All the usually douchey things,” I explain. Alex grimaces. “He fucked with my head a lot, treated me like trash, made me feel like trash, and made me believe I was worthless unless he deemed me otherwise.” The muscles in my back tense at the thought. All the pain I went through.

“that’s awful,” Alex sighs, “he sounds like a dick.”

“he is, but I was also an idiot and couldn’t see my own worth,” I laugh.

“were you really 19?” Alex asks quietly. I nod solemnly.

“I was when we met, we dated for almost 3 years. I was 23 when I finally got my shit together,” I tell him. “He was 35, I was just a stupid kid.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I wave him off. “I’m better for it and that’s what matters,” I say pointedly.

“what else you got in there?” He asks. I flip through the pages quickly, looking for something happy. landing on a page that makes me laugh.

“a doodle of James on the beach?” I offer, turning my journal towards him. my rough pen sketch of James laying out on the sand taking up the lower portion of the pages. Alex laughs fondly. “some poetic descriptions of sand?” I laugh. “grains of earth corroded and washed to nothing. crystals of once was transformed into… oh I wrote annoying grains of shit,” I read off the page, dissolving into laughter.

“who’s a piece of shit?” James asks with a laugh as she saunters into the room. She places an iced coffee on the floor in front of me.

“You,” I joke as she sits on the floor. She pouts at me. “I was reading from my journal, trying to write music.” I wave the book around.

“ooo fun,” she smiles. “Write anything good?” I shake my head.

“Talked about my dumb mistakes,” I tell her, “talked about Andy.” Her eyes dart away from me, a guilty look taking over her face. “So much for keeping your mouth shut,” I laugh.

“Sorry, I figured he would know,” she apologizes. I just laugh. I trust them I feel safe with them knowing because they’ve been scheming to get us together since the tour started, it’s everyone else. Our managers, the guys, Andy’s band, Andy’s fans, oh god. “What kinda song are you writing?” She tilts her head.

“Moody and brooding from the sound of the lyrics,” Alex says, glancing at me. He’s not wrong. “Doesn’t seem like your brand,” he quirks an eyebrow at me. I let out a breath.

“what if we write a fantasy romantic airy floaty song?” I ask. James and Alex share a look, then turn to me. Jesus, they’re annoying.

“Awwwww, Are you in love?” James teases. She pinches my cheeks. “Little Thea is in love,” she coos. I roll my eyes.

“you’re worse than John,” I mutter. She recoils in disgust.

“that is an insult worse than death,” She grabs her chest. Alex begins playing quick notes, shaking his head with a laugh.

“It might be better on a piano or synth, but something like this?” He plays. it’s not exactly what I want, but it’s on the right track.

“Maybe I can work out a midi melody and we can circle back to this,” I tell him. Alex nods, switching to something that sounds vaguely like Cherry Wine. I close my eyes, listening to him play.

“Are you writing a love song?” James asks even though I thought it was obvious.

“I’m writing about new things, if love is one of them then So be it,” I say. “new friends, new experiences, just new.” James’ sweet laugh rings in my ears.

“You’re cute when you’re in denial,” She says sweetly. Andy’s laugh alerts me to his presence. I keep my eyes closed, listening to Alex strum his guitar.

“We could do some kind of chord progression,” Alex says, playing away. warm rough hands rub my thighs, my eyes shoot open. Andy is towering above me, an honest smile on his lips.

“what are you doing?” He asks running his hands along my legs. the simple gesture sends shockwaves up my spine. It’s not even sexual, just his loving touch makes me spiral.

“Thea wanted to write so I was playing and we were shooting shit,” Alex answers. James nudges him in our direction. Alex stops playing, looks over his shoulder at Andy standing between my legs, and laughs. “Subtle.”

“I meant why are you upside down?” Andy ignores him, Taking my hands. I know this man isn’t going to try to pull me up. He might. Instead, I pull him down towards me, sitting up enough to give him a chaste kiss.

“Because I wanna.” I release him, flopping back beside Alex. “You said you’d keep your mouth shut,” I warn him.

“Yeah but I can still give you shit for it,” Alex smirks. Andy stares down at me, bewildered but with a soft smile on his lips. he circles the couch and sits beside me. “where have you been?” Alex asks Andy.

“talking with Geoff and the girls.” He says, resting his hand on top of mine, which are folded on my stomach. “We’ll probably head to Soundcheck soon.” His fingers drum against the back of my hand. “You’ve been writing?” He looks between us curiously.

“More like flipping through my journal while Alex plays and pretending it makes sense,” I say. “Nothing is really making sense though.”

“do you want me to look?” He asks.

“I’d love that.” I grab my journal that had fallen to the floor, giving myself a headrush “Woah dizzy.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Here’s my journal, it’s mostly chicken scratch.” I shove it in his hands.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” The pages rustle as he flips through them. “You should probably sit up, I think all the blood is rushing to your head,” he laughs.

“I don’t know how to get right side up,” I laugh. “Well gracefully at least.”

“you don’t have to be graceful,” Andy smiles. Okay then. I kick my legs over his head, the momentum sends me to the floor with a hard thud. “That’s not what I thought you would do.” Andy kneels in front of me with wide green eyes, grabbing my head carefully. “Are you alright?” He asks, turning my face in his hands.

“she’s not made of porcelain,” James laughs. “Thea can take a hit or two.” I laugh at her remark. Is it a crime for someone to be gentle with me?

“I’m alright,” I smile. Andy peers around the room, quickly placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“If you say so.” He helps me back on the couch. Laying my head on his shoulder, I watch as the pages of my journal flip by. I should be scared or reserved- hold it close to my chest. But part of making this music is being raw and honest. What’s the worst he could find anyways?

“Hey, I need to talk to you,” Wren’s head appears in the doorway. She points at me, gesturing me towards her. A weird sinking feeling crawls up my spine as I walk towards her, but surely everything is alright.

ANDREW

Thea’s journal is a light baby blue covered in small beautifully drawn butterflies. Flipping through the pages, each one is filled with little doodles and her thoughts in her scrawling handwriting. ‘How can I know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?’ I’ve heard that before, she’s written it into a song. ‘How can I go from growing up to breaking down?’ She writes, ‘23 might be the death of me.’ To think she struggled through her early twenties sends a pang of hurt through my heart. But she’s here, she’s happy, and she’s mine.

John, Ben, and Ashton walk into the room, they sit on various chairs and couches. Ben Sits on the floor beside James, poking her in the arm.

“Where did you go this morning?” He asks.

“I got Thea and I coffee,” she explains, “is that a crime?”

“Wasn’t Thea with you?” Ben asks. James shakes her head. Ben’s eyes train on me, on the book in my hands. “Did you see Thea this morning, Andrew?” He asks carefully. I feel that any answer I give will be the wrong one.

“she was with me,” Alex butts in. “We were the writing and talking.” He grins. Ben’s murderous expression falters as his attention shifts from me to Alex. Thea returns with Wren trailing behind her. She pays no mind to her friends as she sits beside me again.

“oh I’m glad you all are here,” Wren smiles. “I was going to get you all together and tell you so now is perfect timing,” she says hesitantly. Thea pulls her legs up under her, her eyes falling to the floor. “I am actually gonna have to cut my time on tour short. Some crazy family stuff has happened the past few days and they need me back home.” Wren wrings her hands together.

“That’s awful, you know we love and support you.” John jumps up and hugs her. “Do what you have to do,” He says firmly, before sitting. Glancing to Thea, her eyes are glassy and red, still glued to the floor. I rub gently against her knee.

“We’re here for you girlie.” James reaches up and squeezes her hand.

“Thanks guys.” Wren wipes at her eyes, “I plan to fly out in the morning, my mom really needs me home ASAP,” she tells us. “It’s been great being with you all, and meeting you guys.” She smiles at Alex and I.

“It’s been a pleasure,” I tell her, “I hope all goes well.”

“I’m gonna go pack up and say goodbyes and do some final things before the show tonight,” Wren says. “See y’all later.” she takes Thea’s hand and squeezes it. “Love ya!”

“Love you, we’ll text later.” Thea forces a large smile. Wren waves as she leaves. We all say our goodbyes and good luck to her.

“Damn that sucks,” James sighs. “You good Thea?” she must have noticed her demeanor change. or maybe it’s just the fact that they are always together.

“yeah, I’m good,” Thea smiles. “is he good?” she points at Ashton, who has been curled in a ball at the foot of the couch opposite us staring at his phone. The attention turns to him.

“no, I’m just in a weird place right now,” he sighs. “just you know all that stuff with the girls.” his friends nod. Alex and I share a confused look. were he and Juliette serious? or have I completely missed something while caught up with Thea?

“Maybe our girls can hang out with them and put in a good word for you,” Ben offers, Ashton looks up hopefully.

“oh no, we are not putting ourselves in the middle of your drama,” Thea says quickly. James nods in agreement.

“you don’t have to get involved. just hang out, have a girls’ night, and put in a good word for your boy,” Ben smiles. “you two are constantly saying you need more girlfriends anyways.” Thea and James stare at each other, telepathically debating their next steps.

“Please, Thea,” Ashton begs.

“Fine, it can’t hurt,” Thea gives in. “we’ll plan a night out and go drink or something.” she begins typing on her phone.

“just don’t fuck up or fuck with whatever we fix,” James snickers.

“you know, I don’t talk shit about the things you fuck with,” Ashton says pointedly, glaring at Alex and me.

“That’s a bold-faced lie,” Thea mumbles. across the room, Ashton visibly tenses.

“alright, let’s move on and talk about other things,” John interjects trying to keep the peace. “Andy, do you have anything new going on?” he asks desperately. well, I’ve been seeing this girl and we’re finally official for about a week now. she melts my heart every time we lock eyes. but I can’t say any of that. not to them.

“um, my friend back home texted me to tell me that there might be a wild bee colony in my garden, so that’s pretty exciting,” I say. John encourages me to continue and I ramble about my bees. a long tangent that I expect to bore them but they all listen, minus Ashton who pouts to himself. Thea hangs off my every word, asking questions and prompting me to info dump and word vomit.

“how does Wednesday sound for girls’ night?” Thea asks, looking up from her phone. James shrugs.

“don’t we have a show Thursday?” I ask.

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Thea smiles, typing on her phone. “also Matt wants us to go try on some outfits he ordered,” she tells her band, beginning to throw things into her bag. I hold her journal back out to her. “oh you can hold onto it and look through it if you want, I trust you,” She smiles a toothy grin at me. I nod. Thea stops and stares at me, I feel like I should give her a quick kiss as she leaves, but not with her friends here. “Well, we’ll see you boys later.” James and her wave as they all leave the room.

“This has been interesting,” Alex says.

“What has?” I question.

“everything. Thea and I talked about stuff and I don’t know. the stuff with Ashton. things are just interesting,” Alex says wistfully. That makes no fucking sense.

“What the fuck are you on about?”

“she’s an interesting girl,” He says fondly, “be good to her.”

“What is happening?” I ask dumbfounded. “did she bare her soul to you in the past hour? And why would I treat her like shit when I’ve been desperate to get to know her for months?” Alex laughs.

“Chill Andy, we were just talking and Thea is a cool person.” Alex rests his guitar against the couch. “I also think she really likes you, so don’t screw this up,” He laughs.

“Well, I don’t plan to.”

Chapter Text

THEA

Oh, what the fuck did I do last night? Pain surges through my body. Starting in my head and pulsing down to every extremity. Did I try to kill myself? Forcing an eye open, it bright. Like heaven is opening up and the chorus is singing kind of bright. “What the fuck?” I mumble, closing my eyes again. I rub my eyes and face, it hurts, I’m still alive. My skin sticks to leather, pulling as I try to regain comfort.

“Good mornin’ darlin’,” Andy chuckles in his deep morning voice. Cracking an eye open again, he’s sitting on the couch across from me, coffee in hand, a sorry smirk on his lips. “Had a rough night?” He asks. Girls night, we went out last night. I remember that part. Well, I remember leaving at least.

“I have no clue, I don’t remember.” I rack my brain through the blank memories of last night. “How did I get here?” I’m on his bus, not my own. Fuck. Did I get drunk and run my mouth? I roll onto my back, it cracks against the hard couch. Andy laughs softly.

“You stumbled over here in the middle of the night, and who am I to turn you away,” He grips at his chest. I groan, that’s fucking embarrassing. Andy stands, pulling closed the curtains on the bus. “You were trashed, no wonder you don’t remember,” he tells me.

“how trashed?” I ask.

“I had to save you from bashing your skull a few times,” he chuckles, leaning over me to close the curtains. I poke the exposed skin of his midriff. He jerks back causing me to laugh.

“My knight in shining armor,” I mumble.

“Always princess,” he teases, kneeling beside me. That’s a new one. My cheeks get hot. He kisses my cheek, the scruff of his beard tickling my skin. “My drunken princess.” He laughs at his own joke.

“I mixed codeine and Alcohol, I was in pain and apparently stupid,” I recall. My stomach turns and knots. Sitting up, I clamp a hand firmly over my mouth. My head spins, vision blurs, I’m fucked. Andy sits beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. The thick scent of coffee follows, it’s nauseating.

“What can I do?” He asks. I hold him at arm’s length.

“Right now, I’m trying to keep my pride and not puke my brains out,” I say out of the side of my mouth.

“Thea, you threw up the night we met,” Andy says obviously.

“Oh right, hand me the trash can,” I tell him. He does so with a laugh and I’m retching into the trash can. How could I forget that embarrassment that lead to one of the best thing in my life? Andy gets up, leaving my side. Isn’t he holding my hair? Reaching up, I feel the braid going down my head. did he braid my hair? Oh my god, I love him, that’s adorable. Andy returns with water, Advil, and his adorable smile.

“It’s alright,” he soothes, rubbing my back. “Better out than in.” I laugh through the puke. Once everything is out of me I take the Advil and lay back against the couch. I miss being young and being able to drink myself dead and not throw up in the morning. “Come here,” Andy pulls my face towards him. He wipes under my eyes and my mouth with a wet washcloth. “I thought I got your makeup off last night but I guess I missed some,” he sighs. My heart does backflips. Did he take off my makeup? What the hell happened last night?

“you’re the sweetest,” I tell him. “Literally the best man to ever exist ever.” He laughs. Too modest. I pull at the hem of my dress. Wasn’t I wearing tights?

“I’m trying to take care of my girl,” he says. Oh, look! my heart just jumped off a roof. “I want to make sure you’re okay.” He moves to sit beside me, pulling my head into his lap. I stare up at him, studying the sharp cut of his jaw, the arch in his brow, the creases beside his eyes, all of him. I’m sure I look like a love-sick puppy. I feel like one. “What are you staring at?” He asks, nervously scratching his beard.

“your pretty face,” I say quietly. He chuckles deeply, petting my hair. Settled like this, I could stay forever. but I know I can’t. “I should go back to my bus before anyone notices,” I sigh. “How bad do I look? Classy walk of shame or trashy walk of shame?” I ask. He shakes his head, leaning down to kiss the side of my mouth.

“neither,” he mumbles. He’s lying. “you’re as beautiful as the sunshine.” how poetic. I can’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl.

“I’m sure I look like death warmed over, but thank you for the compliment,” I smile. “I really should go though.” I get to my feet, Andrew takes my hand.

“you are gorgeous, you know that right?” he says, pulling me close.

“where is this coming from?” I ask. what the fuck did I say last night?

“nowhere, I just want you to know,” he smiles. “and to know that I love you and value you and think you are one of the most amazing people I know.” his hands rest on my waist, and he rubs small circles into my skin.

“I- wow, thank you, Andy,” I stutter out. “I love you too.” my mind goes completely blank. “I’m too braindead to come up with better words, but I love you.” I nod.

“It’s alright.” he places a kiss on my head. “go get some rest in your own bed, we’ll talk later,” he says happily, a large grin across his face. I walk out of his bus, boots in hand, and stumble and stagger like a drunken fool back to my own. looking around the living room, there are no traces of life- perfect. I climb the stairs and crash onto one of the couches. If I tried to climb into my bunk I doubt I’d make it.

“where the fuck were you?” Ben asks critically. Oh god. I go from the kindest man in the world to dealing with the grumpiest. Where’s Ashton? Might as well complete the trio and add horniest to the mix. It’s his fault this happened in the first place. I groan loudly in response. I can’t deal with his shit right now.

“I slept here,” I mumble. “The couch.” Ben lets out a dry laugh.

“Thea, don’t bullshit me. I was sitting here this morning, got up to pee, and suddenly you’re lying on the couch. So tell the truth, where were you?” Ben says. Damn, didn’t think that one through did I?

“Leave me alone, I’m still drunk,” I mumble against the couch, hoping to shut him up.

“no you don’t get to go around preaching to us when you’re running off and fucking around,” he yells at me. Great we’re doing this again.

“I haven’t preached at you,” I match his tone. “I’ve asked you not to make stupid decisions that will affect everyone just so you can get your dick wet. And it’s not like you listen! I’m just trying to make sure everything runs smoothly!” My head is pounding. Why is he so stuck on this? He has never cared before.

“why are you yelling?” John walks from the back lounge. He looks between us carefully.

“Thea was off hooking up with one of those bastards after condemning Ashton and I think it’s a bit fucking hypocritical,” Ben says sharply. I sit up. Bastards? What the fuck?

“you know what? you’re a fucking instigator. you always have to start shit. why are they bastards? why do you care?” I snap.

“Why do you care so much?” John asks, stepping between us. Thank you! Someone else is recognizing that this is weird!

“Because I care about her and I’m supposed to just sit here and watch her make the same mistakes over and over again with these famous assholes who only care about sex and power. then be supportive and caring when she gets hurt, it’s fucking stupid and annoying, and if she would just open her eyes for one second she would see that they are all the same,” Ben rants. John takes a breath, putting a hand on Ben’s shoulder. At least it’s from a place of concern? Maybe?

“Alright, why don’t we calm down.” John forces him to sit on the couch across from me. “Thea is welcome to make whatever mistakes she wants, and as her friends, we have to love and support her.” John sits beside me.

“Thanks? I feel so loved,” I say, letting the anger melt away.

“And you,” John turns to me, “it is hypocritical if you’re sleeping around, remember the rules.” he points to our poster of bus rules with a smile.

“I’m not sleeping around,” I say honestly, “I needed to talk to someone and was too drunk to function.” John thinks a moment before nodding.

“Alright, then we believe you,” he says, letting me snuggle into him. his sweater reeks of weed but it’s soft against my skin.

“What did you all do last night?” I ask.

“got high and played Mario cart,” John says. “I won.” he beams with pride.

“I can smell it, you reek,” I laugh. he leans down and sniffs me dramatically.

“And you and James smell like an entire bar, don’t throw stones in glass houses,” he laughs. “what the hell happened to you two last night?”

“I have no clue,” I shake my head. “I blacked out.” the boys laugh hard, and I rub at my brows. a crash comes from the bunks. looking into the hall, James is on the floor. She laughs loudly. “you good, babe?” I call to her.

“no, I feel like I got run over.” she lays back on the floor. “damn, did we get old or extra drunk?” she laughs.

“Both,” I sigh. Ben helps her off the floor and steadies her in the kitchen. Ashton joins us, looking over our sorry states.

“How did your night go?” he asks.

“Good, we definitely partied,” James says, taking a large swig of water. “and we talked about you guys and hyped you up and all the good shit.” she smiles. I hope that’s the truth.

“so they like me again?” he asks.

“Ash, we girl-talked and gossiped. we can’t brainwash them, just trust us. all is well.” I butt in, hoping it’s not all a lie. leave it to me to say something stupid. James agrees enthusiastically, eating a spoonful of peanut butter.

“you know it’s almost time for crew lunch,” John says, checking his watch. James and I groan. already? We missed the entire morning. I’m never drinking again.

ANDREW

The band and crew sit around happily chatting and eating lunch. “Andy! Come sit!” Alex yells when he sees me. Shay jumps, hitting him in the shoulder. Dark sunglasses rest over her eyes.

“You’re an ass,” She grumbles as I join them at the table. The girls look awful, with remnants of makeup and miserable expressions on their faces. They’re doing no better than Thea was this morning.

“Andy is here! We’re excited to see him,” Kellen says loudly, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“God, they’re annoying,” Aliya groans, resting her head on the table. “They’ve been doing it all morning.”

“Doing what?” I ask with a laugh.

“Being loud and stupid,” Shay answers.

“We were as loud as we needed to be,” Kellen says defensively.

“it’s not our fault you’re all hungover,” Alex backs him up. “They came back loud and drunk, screeching like little girls. We’re just trying to repay the favor,” Alex smiles at me.

“it’s exactly what you deserve,” Kellen says loudly, banging his fork on the side of his cup. The girls groan, grabbing at their ears.

“Did you girls have fun at least?” I ask. Juliette gets up and moves to sit next to me.

“yeah we talked about a lot of things, we got really philosophical,” Juliette nods. “Thea is really smart and insightful.”

“Is she?” I smile. She leans in closer to me.

“Yeah, She helped me realize a lot of things,” Juliette says, Aliya laughs softly. “What did you do last night?” She asks, locking eyes with me.

“I just wrote and read a little,” I shrug, stabbing into my food.

“read anything good?” She asks. Nope. More like soul-crushing.

“yeah,” I lie, smiling and shoving another forkful of food into my mouth. Juliette nods, folding her hands over each other.

Thea and her band walk into lunch. She’s changed out of her skimpy dress from last night, replaced with shorts and an oversized shirt. Her hair is still messily tied into the braid I did last night. My mom and many an ex-girlfriend past would be proud I finally managed to learn to braid hair. She and James look rough, they grimace at the bright fluorescent lights as they make their way to an empty table. Alex is up on his feet immediately, crossing the room to sit between Thea and James. Kellen makes a loud whip-cracking noise.

“totally whipped,” he laughs. Alex shrugs with a smile. it’s so simple for him, how nice. Thea lays her head on the table while everyone eats. “you all look like shit, what did you do to those poor girls?” Kellen asks.

“us?” Aliya questions, “They are probably worse than us. Thea drank neat tequila all night, it was psychotic.” that makes so much sense.

“James was no better, she did body shots off the bartender,” Shay laughs. “insightful, smart, great conversations but they are crazy.” from what I’ve seen that tracks.

“did you find out any good gossip?” Kellen dramatically flips his hair off his shoulder, leaning onto the table.

“is Thea single?” Rory asks with a smirk. No.

“she wouldn’t answer,” Shay says, “we asked, but every time she would laugh and shrug.” Kellen hits Rory’s arm encouragingly. Idiots, both of them.

“so nothing good then?” Kellen deflates.

“We had fun and got away from all of you.” Aliya points between us.

“hey don’t say that about the boss man,” Rory laughs, glancing at me.

“it’s all good, I get it,” I laugh. “I wish I could get away from me too.” They pity laugh at my attempt at a joke.

“oh Jesus, now it’s depressing,” Kellen sighs. Rory cracks a joke that brings back the conversation and they get lost in it. I feel Juliette’s eyes on me. I turn to her and smile.

“so…what did you realize last night?” I ask Juliette, she looks confused for a moment. “You said Thea helped you realize things,” I remind her. “ohh, well, I’ve been thinking a lot about love and life,” Juliette says, “and I’ve had plenty to think about recently.” I’m sure with all this Ashton drama I’ve unwillingly heard so much about.

“Have you had any good revelations?” I ask.

“no,” she sighs, shaking her head. Contradicting what she said earlier. “I probably deserve better and Men all tend to think the same.” She offers. “What about you? Have you had any revelations about love?” She asks. I think long about the past few months with Thea, especially the most recent weeks.

“Sometimes to know someone you have to listen even to the things they aren’t saying, in all the ways they aren’t saying it,” I say stupidly. Juliette hums. “Love isn’t easy but when it’s real you know it.”

“easy on the philosophy Andy,” she laughs, clapping my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to get into deep conversation while this hungover.”

“I just think when the right people find each other at the right time, everything just falls into place,” I say fondly. Looking over, Ashton has thrown a piece of pasta into Thea’s hair, which she’s trying to get with her tongue. Alex reaches over and brushes it to the floor.

“That’s what I think too,” she says tenderly. Glancing back, Juliette is smiling at me. “They’re cute together.” She nods towards their table. Who is she talking about? Please don’t let this get weird again.

“yeah, they are,” I agree, she would be blind to not notice Alex and James. At the other table, James and Thea whisper into Alex’s ears stopping only to break out into laughter. “They’re weird,” I laugh, turning back to my food. Juliette nods.

“We’re going to soundcheck,” Thea smiles, leading her pack to our table. “best to get it out of the way so we can sleep off the hangovers,” She laughs.

“have fun,” Alex says, leaning to kiss James on the cheek. She groans. Thea pouts at him. “What?” He asks defensively. She brushes hair off her cheek. Alex kisses her cheek with a smile, “You have fun too.” He laughs, taking a seat at the table. Thea and her band walk out, the girls smiling together.

“dude, what the hell was that?” Kellen asks dumbfounded. I’m wondering the same fucking thing.

“I’m forming a harem.” Alex gestures in the direction they walked.

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard,” Kellen says, taking a pause. “why the fuck would they pick you?”

“I’m charming,” Alex says. did I wake up in the Twilight Zone? what the hell was that? I get to my feet. “where are you going?” Alex asks.

“I’m going to take a walk, clear my head,” I tell him. he smiles wide, getting to his feet.

“Alright, Have fun,” he says. suddenly he grabs my face and smashes his lips into my cheek. “Welcome to the harem,” he laughs as he sits back down.

“this shit is getting weird,” Shay mutters. I walk away shaking my head. it’s not fair- I sound like a child. I want to be able to kiss Thea in front of all our friends. or at least right now while she’s sober. my feet lead me in the direction of the stage. disjointed instruments come from inside.

Sneaking into the pit, I watch them all on stage. Thea is lying starfished on the floor, laughing at whatever was said.

“We should do a guys’ night,” John suggests.

“no, you shouldn’t, ” Thea snorts, “two out of three of you are aggressive drunks and the third is volatile at best.” James chokes on a laugh behind her drum kit.

“that’s mean,” Ashton says. “which am I?”

“I am not answering that,” Thea dissolves into laughter, curling into a ball on the stage. She notices me near the sound booth. “hey Andy.” She waves.

“I didn’t want to interrupt,” I apologize as I walk closer.

“you didn’t, we’ve barely started,” John laughs. “These fools are too hungover.” He gestures at Thea and James.

“Hey! You two went to go smoke so that’s not fair,” Thea defends.

“Whatever,” John brushes her off with a laugh. “What’s up, Andrew?”

“I wanted to talk to Thea about maybe singing with me tonight,” I say.

“oh sure, what we’re thinking?” She smiles sitting up.

“Maybe ‘I, Carrion’, but I’d like to talk about it first,” I tell her. She nods and scoots to the edge of the stage before jumping down beside me.

“brb,” she yells as we walk to my dressing room. “what’d you want to talk about?” She turns to me.

“I didn’t.” I lean down and kiss her hard once we are alone.

“you’re so full of shit.” She smiles against my lips.

“Alex gets to kiss you and I can’t?” I ask. Thea pulls back.

“Andrew, are you jealous?” She smirks.

“is that a crime?”

“no.” She stands on her toes to kiss me again. “It’s kinda cute,” she laughs. “so nothing important then?” she asks against my lips. I back her into the wall.

“I wanted to have a moment alone with my girlfriend.” nibbling at her bottom lip until she lets me in. My hands run under her shirt, over the warm curves of her irresistibly soft skin. Moans and sighs pass between us mixing in the air around. The sensation of her lips on mine is a mind-blowing pleasure, I hope to never forget. Disconnecting our lips to breathe feels like betrayal. Her half-lidded eyes and dazed smile light up my heart. I want this to last forever, I need it to. “I love you,” I say, letting it hang in the close space between us.

“Andy,” her sweet breath dances across my lips. she runs her hands down my chest. “I love you so much,” Thea confirms with a gentle kiss.

BANG! Someone beats on the door, making us both jump. instinctively I wrap my arms around Thea. “Hey, Dora! Are you ever coming back?” Ben yells from the other side of the door. She sighs, leaning back against the wall.

“yeah, give me a minute,” She calls back. “he already yelled at me once today,” Thea whispers, “I can’t piss him off anymore, he already thinks I’m a whore.” She pulls out of my grasp, walking to the mirror to observe her face. her lips red and swollen from my love.

“that seems unfounded,” I walk up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. I’m bathed in the smell of her perfume. She rolls her eyes.

“it’s complicated,” Thea sighs. “So ‘I, Carrion’ tonight or no?” She asks.

“it’s up to you, whatever you want,” I tell her. She finally breaks from my grip, placing my guitar in my arms instead.

“I’ll think about it, I might be dead to the world by then,” She laughs, pulling open the door. “I told you not to call me Dora.” she stares Ben down.

“Well, you should’ve come back,” he huffs. Ben spares me a critical glance before dragging Thea down the hall by the wrist.

If you're wondering what I, Carrion would sound like if they sang it together it would be like this. (click here) 

Chapter Text

ANDY

Tonight while the girls are out having fun and trying to mend Ashton’s broken relationships, I decided to be a shut-in and play some music and look through Thea’s journal. I’ve recorded a couple of melodies I think she’ll find interesting. The journal is old, the front cover dating it back to when she was in high school. Thea writes loosely, her thoughts disorganized in some parts and long-worded passages in others. She writes of her father and how much he despised her. She details how she grew up alone and abandoned in the wake of her mother’s death. When we talked about family she told me about people who loved her and raised her, was it a lie? She talks about awful things, awful emotions and experiences she’s had over the years. So much pain she’s lived through, it’s jaw-dropping.

There are things I expected, rhymes and couplets about breakups and her insecurities about her weight. ‘I’ve drawn out in sharpie where I’d take the scissors, if thats what it takes for me to look in the mirror. I’ve done every diet to make me look thinner, so why do I still feel so god damn inferior?’ The words are circled, they hurt my heart. She doesn’t deserve to ever feel this way, no one does. I close her journal and make a cup of tea. I shouldn’t read on, this is personal, too personal. She did give it to me to read through, but did she know all of this was in here? Does she care? Thea holds things close to her chest, its hard to get information out of her. Like all of the hate and how it messed with her, or how she felt about me. Maybe this is her telling me things she is scared to? Maybe she wants me to know these things?

I sit in bed with the journal in hand, Thea trusted me with this and that is what matters. Flipping open her journal again I land on a page covered in dark ink. The top of the page reads, Bloody Love. Words are scribbled all over the page, describing the abuse she’s suffered at the hands of her ex-boyfriend Matt, her manager Matt. Horrible things: cigarette burns, broken bottles thrown at her, punches. Those are just the physical things, he mentally and emotionally abused her and contorted her mind. Things no one deserves. It’s a pain I’ve known, loving someone who hurts you, being young and naive.

I have to flip the page, overcome with emotions and memories from my past mixing with hers. The next page I land on isn’t titled, but the words pull me in. ‘Words brand on my brain. War in my head. Lines carved in my skin that I can’t erase. Feeling nothing, feeling numb, only the sweet relief of pain breaks through the nothing. Crimson lines pull me back to earth’ Her words blur together where the ink has been smeared with tears. Pushing my glasses into my hair, I let out a shaky breath. Poor Thea. My darling Thea, who couldn’t hurt anyone, whose smile lights up a room, has been carrying demons her entire life. No wonder she crumbles at small insults and self-implodes. No one has stayed, no one has truly loved her. She has been pushed down and shut up, left alone to cry out her agony. Not anymore. Never again. Not while I’m here.

a knock at the bus door pulls me from the journal’s pages. I climb out of bed and open the door to see Thea. Smiling as brightly as ever and swaying on her feet. “Hey you,” she giggles holding her hands out to me wiggling her fingers.

“hey.” I climb down the stairs to meet her. She takes my shirt in her hands and kisses me hard. She reeks of alcohol. “Why don’t you come in,” I say, pulling her up the stairs. She would be mortified if people saw us like this.

“I couldn’t wait to see you.” She reconnects our lips, pushing me back towards the couch until I fall. “I missed you,” she slurs, sitting on my lap to straddle my hips. It would be sexy if she wasn’t completely wasted.

“Thea,” I pull away from her. “You’re drunk.”

“yeah.” She confirms, tangling her hands in my hair. “You look sexy with your glasses on,” she breathes. I have to hold her waist to keep her from falling. She leans in kissing me again. Her hands drift to the waistband of my joggers. I grab her hand, pulling away again.

“you’re too drunk for this,” I say firmly. She pouts, shaking her head. “As much fun as this is, you are horribly drunk.” I kiss her hand. “And that is not how our first time should go, I would hope for it to be memorable.” She giggles through her pouted lip.

“a true gentleman,” she sighs, resting her forehead on my shoulder. Well, it doesn’t help I read about some of her darkest trauma tonight either. It would feel dirty and not in a good way.

“let me take care of you?” I ask, running a hand up her back.

“no I’m fine, I should go to my bunk.” She slurs. Trying to get up from my lap, I hold her firm.

“I insist,” I tell her. Thea crinkles her nose at me, leaning forward to press her forehead against mine.

“you’re too good to me,” she whispers.

“you deserve the world,” I whisper back. I push hair behind her ear, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “C’mon, let’s get you up.” I help her to her feet. “What do you need to do?” I ask.

“Water, food, hair, makeup,” she lists off. “And I need these fucking fish nets off before I rip my skin off,” she laughs.

“I can do that,” I smile. Making some toast, Thea watches me lazily, swaying on her feet. “come ‘ere,” I take her by the arms and tip a glass of water against her lips.

“I’m like a plant,” She says softly. her big blue eyes search my face.

“Like a plant?” I repeat, stifling my laughter.

“I just need water,” her voice is a million miles away. the toaster pops and she jumps.

“do you still want toast?” I ask, she nods vigorously. Sitting her on the edge of the couch, I turn my back to butter the toast.

“I forgot to eat, I’ll puke in the morning,” She says. Turning back around, Thea smiles ear to ear at me, it almost looks painful. “did you know you’re hot?” She somehow smiles wider.

“Am I?” I muse, handing her the plate.

“very.” she nods. “hotter when you don’t try, hot when you play the guitar, just hot,” Thea rambles, dissolving into a fit of giggles. I feel my cheeks grow warm, how could they not? kneeling in front of her, I rest my arms on her knees. “you’re so pretty,” She coos, crumbs spilling out of her mouth. She brushes hair behind my ear.

“I think you’re pretty,” I smile up at her. Thea only giggles in response. “do you want me to braid your hair?” I ask. She nods, turning her back to me. “I’m not great at this, but I can try my best.”

“I believe in you, Andy!” She cheers through a mouthful of food. Thea leans against me, letting me card my fingers through her curls.

“Can I ask you a question?” Something from her journal bothers me a bit more than the rest.

“Of course, silly,” She giggles.

“When did you and Matt date?” I ask. I read about his abuse, why would she keep him around after that? Thea thinks silently for a long moment finishing her toast.

“What?” She finally asks. “Ooooh,” she sighs. “I dated a Matt but not that Matt. No my manager Matt hated the guy, a lot of people hated him to be fair though,” she explains. good so it isn’t the same person she sees every day. “He was a dick. Is a dick. A walking dick, although he was horrible at sex.” She laughs. Thea is still very drunk, and now she’s spilling her guts. “Our relationship was fucked, he had all this stuff over me, power, money, power, fame, strength. I know I’m a fat bitch and all, but damn did he throw me around.”

“Don’t say that.” I shake my head.

“What I am a fat bitch?” She repeats.

“Thea, you’re beautiful, you aren’t those things,” I tell her, tying off the braid in her hair. She spins to face me.

“Fat isn’t a bad word,” She says innocently. I bend down to meet her eyes, taking her hand.

“I know that.” I nod. “I want you to see your beauty.”

“I see the beauty in fat girls all the time and I know I’m beautiful but some days it’s hard to see it in myself because I know myself,” She explains so carefully, like she has thought it a million times before. Her eyes dance across my face. “I’m okay with who I am and what I look like, it’s other people.”

“You are gorgeous,” I tell her, “you don’t deserve any of the things that have happened to you.” I hug her tight. Thea relaxes in my arms.

“Andy?” She asks in my hair.

“Yeah?”

“Can you please get these fucking fishnets off me?”

“Gladly,” I laugh. I run my hands up the rough rhinestoned fabric of the fishnets, letting them lead my hands under her dress. She giggles drunkenly as my fingers glide over her underwear. I find the waistband of the fishnets, pulling them down and discarding them in some part of the room. “better?” I ask, running. my hands up her legs. Thea nods, wrapping her legs around my waist.

“much better,” she pulls me into a sloppy kiss.

“let me get a washcloth for your face,” I say as wet kisses trail down my jaw and neck. “come on, Thea.” She groans against my skin. “I already told you, you’re too drunk for this,” I remind her. Thea stops, pulling back she grips me firmly by the shoulders. dipping her chin, she meets my eyes fiercely.

“not too drunk to show you how much I love you,” she says, sounding sober for a fleeting moment. my heart clenches in my chest. “And I love you so much,” she squeezes my shoulders.

“I love you too,” I reassure her. “I’ll be right back.” I unwrap her legs from around me, getting up to get a wet washcloth to remove all the glitter and makeup smeared across her face. by the time I walk back, Thea is asleep on the couch. typical. “love, let’s go to bed.” I try to wake her. I’m calling her pet names and she won’t even remember. she stirs on the couch. I wipe off as much of her makeup as I can and tuck in her in. she’s going to wake up feeling like shit. placing a kiss on her forehead, I leave her to sleep on the couch. “Goodnight, Thea.”

Chapter Text

THEA

“Get up bitch.” Ben throws back the curtain of my bunk.

“good morning to you too, asshole,” I say, rubbing sleep from my eyes. “why can’t I sleep?” I blink to clear my vision. Ben is standing in front of me, fully dressed, arms crossed over his chest.

“Because we want breakfast, and the last festival did not go great when we got separated,” he explains. I laugh loud, throwing my head back into the pillows. “come on, fearless leader, get your ass up.” he pulls on my arm till I fall out of my bunk.

“I think you’re being overdramatic,” I groan, pulling myself off the floor. “and if you all remember correctly, the last festival wasn’t my fault,” I yell to the others waiting by the kitchen. I find a pair of jean shorts and pull them on, along with the first crop top I find.

“family breakfast!” James yells back, insistent like a child.

“Family breakfast I can’t eat because dinner made me sick,” I remind them.

“don’t make your problems our problems,” Ashton whines, lingering by the door. How ironic. I kick on my shoes and grab an applesauce pouch before allowing them to pull me from the bus. “it’s hot as hell,” Ashton complains as the suffocating summer air smothers us.

“it is the middle of summer,” John states. “What do you expect?” hmmm. We should tour in the winter. Or at least places inside with AC. But that would be too convenient. We walk into the large hall where artists and their crews are eating. John and the boys run off to get food while James and I find a table.

Andrew is surrounded by his band, happily chatting away. I smile and wave as I pass. Alex jumps from his seat to join us—it’s the perfect blend of cute and annoying. “Good morning,” he smiles, sitting beside James. They hold intense eye contact. I look away, afraid I’m interrupting something. A green-eyed gaze catches my attention, and Andy offers a small smile. He’s adorable.

“What are you smiling at?” John pulls out the seat beside me, dropping a plate of waffles in front of me.

“Nothin’,” I shake my head, running a hand over my face. “what’s with the waffles?” I stab into them with a plastic fork.

“I saw them and thought you’d like them,” John says, “and I want whatever you don’t eat.” he scoops up a forkful of eggs and potatoes from his plate. I watch him skeptically. “look, I didn’t want to have two plates of food,” he defends himself, “and you need to eat.” John pokes my shoulder.

“why aren’t you eating?” Alex asks. Red flags and alarms blare in my ears.

“I did eat,” I snap. “I grabbed applesauce and ate as we were leaving; it was a long walk over here.” He raises his hands in defense, glancing at James. “Are you excited for tonight?” I ask him.

“oh yeah, of course,” Alex smiles. “Andy is headlining, and we get to play for thousands of people. Best way to end the night.”

“No, it’s not,” Both James and John mumble smugly. They recoil in disgust at their shared sentiments. I raise my eyebrows, looking down at the waffles to contain my laughter.

“Oh man, this has taken an unfortunate turn,” Alex sighs, laughing weakly. “So, Thea,” he turns to me. “Are you excited for this weekend? You’re headlining tomorrow,” he asks. My heart jumps, probably skipping a beat or five.

“Yeah, it’ll be great to go back to my old stuff—my old routine and everything. But I’m more excited about our time off. I’m counting down the days,” I say; it’s only a small lie of omission. It’s been a year since I headlined a festival, and I’ve been playing opening act for a hot minute. It’s a little frightening.

“yes, only a week till our week off,” Ashton smiles from across the table. “Two shows and seven days till we can sleep for a week straight,” he says.

“Do you have plans for our time off?” Ben asks me.

“none that I’ve given real thought to,” I sigh, “sleep in a real bed instead of the bus and maybe hit up a museum or something.” I shrug. “what about you boys?” Ben and Ashton grin mischievously. “if it’s illegal or stupid, I don’t want to know,” I tell them.

“They want to party for a week straight, you know, go to clubs, meet women, their usual shit,” John leans into my side. “what about you two?” he glances at his sister and Alex. James shrugs, matching my sentiment. Literally, let’s enjoy the time off.

“I might have some things planned,” Alex grins. We look at him skeptically. “some coupley stuff, you know.” his cheeks dust pink.

“Like a date?” Ben teases. Someone- I assume James- kicks him hard, shaking the table. “What the fuck?” Ben groans. I look across the room back to Andy. Should we go on a date while we have time off? That’s if we can get away from the crazy.

“Drop it,” James threatens. Juliet is sitting oddly close to Andrew. It makes my hair on the back of my neck stand on end, and my jaw clenches to a dangerous level. Oh please, Thea, get it together. You are both head over heels, lovesick fools; don’t get blinded by jealousy.

“Can I ask a weird question?” I lean into Alex, my eyes fixed ahead at the disturbing sight. James leans into our huddle.

“oh god,” John groans from the opposite side of me.

“Do Juliet and Andrew look awful close this morning?” I ask, trying to keep a humorous lilt in my voice. Ben and Ashton glance over their shoulders, even though I was hoping they’d stay out of it.

“Are you jealous?” Alex muses. I shake my head, but my eyebrow twitches, giving me away. Ben rolls his eyes. “Thea, green is not your color,” he laughs.

“You have no idea,” Ben lets out a loud breath. He leans across the table. “I thought you were letting this go,” he whispers, glancing up at Alex. Yeah, so I lied and told him I was dropping Andy. Sue me.

“I did; I’m just curious ‘cause it’s weird,” I defend myself.

“she said she was focusing on herself and forming real relationships,” Ashton huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “She said she’s done with hookups.” Alex snorts, quickly covering his mouth.

“Andy doesn’t do that shit anyways,” Alex says, shaking his head. “Although from here, it does look weird.” He confirms. I hum in agreement, sitting back in my chair. He laughs, his eyes crinkling at her jokes. I should look away for all of our safety.

“Tours can never be drama-free,” John laughs, grabbing the now cold waffles from in front of me.

“He is not interested in her like that,” Alex whispers in my ear. “Although we can talk later about the things Juliet has said.” What the fuck that mean? I look at him concerned. “I share a bus with them; whispering doesn’t work.” Alex sighs.

“Tell me about it,” John huffs. We hear all your phone calls.” He glances at Alex knowingly. Okay, play the big brother intimidation card. Can we circle back to Juliet saying weird things? He can’t just drop that on me. “Andrew gets up, waves to Juliet, and joins us at our table. He sits beside Ben, who glares at him.

“How are you all doing this morning?” He asks happily.

“good, just busy,” I answer for all of us. “We have rehearsal again today for our set tomorrow; it’s been too long since we played half those songs,” I tell him. John hits my side softly. “Honestly, we should probably head that way.”

“I was about to say the same thing,” he smiles as I give him my attention. “Time to cut family breakfast short,” he declares.

“Yeah, bye, guys,” I smile, standing. We leave Andy and Alex sitting there and go off to rehearse.

ANDREW

Thea lays in the grass between our busses, lawn chairs, and toys scattered around. I know the band was out here earlier playing soccer, but everyone seems long gone now.

“what are you up to?” I ask, walking over to her. Thea looks up at me, the sun blinding her. She motions for me to scoot over, blocking the light.

“laying in the sun, getting outdoor time, I guess it’s good for me or something,” she jokes. I offer my hands to her. She takes them and allows me to pull her to her feet.

“How was your rehearsal?” I ask. I know she’s been putting a lot of hard work into preparing for this festival.

“it was good, a bit overwhelming,” she says simply.

“Could you use some company?” I ask. Thea smiles softly.

“With you? Always,” she hums. “how has your day been so far?” She asks. I recount my day with interviews and soundcheck.

“Nothing too exciting, Mostly thinking about getting back to you,” I grin. It catches her off guard. Thea’s eyes go wide, a smile taking over her face.

“Watch it; you never know who is listening,” she threatens. “But very cute,” she mumbles.

“you make it easy,” I tell her, laughing softly at her caught-off-guard state. Something clicks behind her eyes.

“so, what were you and Juliet talking about over breakfast?” Thea asks, passing a soccer ball between her feet. What?

“where did that come from?” I shake my head, gathering my thoughts.

“nowhere, it just looked like y’all were having an engaging conversation. I’m just curious,” she says, keeping her eyes on the ball between her feet. “she must’ve said something pretty funny; you were laughing.”

“Thea? Are you jealous?” I almost laugh. Her eyes snap to me, a dangerous glow about them.

“no, I’m not. I don’t get jealous,” She says pointedly. “I’m curious,” she lies.

“I think you’re jealous,” I tease. Her gaze hardens.

“My humor is all I have; if some other girl is making you laugh, what else am I supposed to think,” she mutters.

“Oh, darlin’, you have nothing to worry about,” I smile. I tilt her chin so she meets my gaze. “I promise I’m not looking at any other woman.” She smiles up at me, cheek growing red, well redder.

“Thea! Pass me the ball,” Kellen yells as he passes. Oh great, I was enjoying our time together. She kicks it over to him, and Kellen, with the strength of a Fifa player, sends it back, soaring over our heads and landing a couple of meters away. “oh shit, Sorry, T,” he laughs like a lunatic.

“It’s alright, I’ll go get it,” she yells. Kellen disappears into the festival as Thea runs to get the ball. She kicks it back to me, hitting me in the back of the legs. “Damn, It’s a hundred fucking degrees,” She complains, resting her hands on her knees. “I’m not built for this shit.” Thea stands up, grabs the hem of her shirt, and rips it over her head. Leaving her in a tiny little sports bra. My eyes are stuck to her, to her skin glittering with sweat, the curves of her body exposed to the sun’s rays, and the effortlessly sexy sway of her body. “What?” she asks, eyeing me skeptically. My jaw is slack; my brain is putty to my beautiful girlfriend. Mine. She’s mine. Thea bends down, her face now at the height of my less-than-respectable gaze. “You’re incredulous,” she smirks.

“Can you blame me?” I ask, stepping closer. I brush the hair off her collarbone.

“I can,” she pushes my hand away. “especially when things are supposed to be a secret,” she whispers.

“Secrets are more fun when there’s a risk,” I whisper back, stroking her cheek with the back of my fingers. Thea pulls back, glaring up at me. “No?” I laugh softly.

“Nope,” she confirms, the side of her lips curling into a smile.

“You’re not going out like that,” Matt walks by, huffing as he goes. Thea looks around and down at her clothes. She was right to be cautious with everyone popping out of nowhere.

“I didn’t say I was,” She yells back, “I’m just sweating my ass off.” She runs her hands over her sweaty face.

“make sure you put on sunscreen; don’t fry!” he continues on his way, lecturing as he goes.

“what the fuck was that?” Thea laughs dryly. “I can never catch a break.” she turns to me in confusion.

“at least he cares… aggressively,” I tell her. “it’s sweet,” she grunts in response.

“It’s annoying,” she sighs. “Although we should probably head to the stage soon before Geoff freaks on you.” I check the time; not long till my set.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I confirm.

“Let me go grab my other shirt; hold on,” she grins, mischief lighting up her eyes. Thea runs up the steps of her bus and disappears inside. Moments later, she emerges with a tan top in hand. Thea stands in front of me and pulls it over her head. It’s the Unreal Unearth tour shirt cut messily into a cropped tank top. “What do you think?” she laughs, spinning. Her hot pink sports bra is strikingly visible, with the missing neckline and sleeves.

“It’s cute,” I laugh. “Are you a fan?” I joke.

“I’m your biggest fan!” she gushes. “You know I have to support you tonight,” she smiles. I pull her closer by the hem of her shirt, my hands brushing against her soft, warm skin.

“Thank you,” I lean down, stealing a chaste kiss.

“Andy,” she warns.

“I know, I know.” I let her go despite the ache in my chest.

“Can you help me with this, though?” She tosses a can of sunscreen at me that I barely catch.

“Sure.” I spray her down with sunscreen, taking extra care to rub it into her skin because that’s what you do- right?

“You’re extra handsy today,” Thea comments as we stand face to face, and I spray her chest. “Got something on your mind, Andy?” She teases as my hand runs across her chest.

“mmh you’re just extra hot today,” I hum.

“more like melting,” she laughs.

“more like you’re stunning, and I want to devour you,” I growl in her ear.

“we’ll have time off soon enough, then we can have fun,” she whispers back.

“is that a promise?”

“Definitely, if you can keep it together till then.” She kisses my cheek.

“does anyone else hear the porno music?” James yells, walking from their bus. We pull away from each other, and I pull my hand out of Thea’s shirt. Even though there is an explanation for it, I don’t try to give it. “Y’all make it too easy,” she doubles over with laughter.

“shut up,” Thea groans. “Are you coming with me to the show?” She asks James.

“no, I got a headache coming on; there is no way in hell I can sit through that. Plus, I mean, we see it all the time,” James says. “No offense, Andy,” she adds.

“I get it,” I wave off her words. No worries.” Thea and I walk towards the stage. Some industry friends whisk her away to the VIP area, and I prepare for my set and focus on the take at hand.

From the stage, looking out at all the people, it’s impossible not to feel the rush of adrenaline. Then, I can look over to the VIP area and see Thea. I could spot her in any crowd; the way she simply holds herself makes her a beacon to me. She sings with the music and dances. I wish I were down there with her, holding her close, swaying with the music, singing in her ear. It’d be amazing. As our set comes to an end, Thea makes her way backstage, disappearing from my view. I say goodbye to the crowd, ending our set. Thea is waiting for me on the stairs of the stage. She grins ear to ear, rocking back and forth on her toes. “You did great, as always,” she says bashfully, her eyes darting around my face and her cheeks red.

“Just kiss before everyone wants to talk,” Alex says as he walks down the steps behind me. “The band is hot on my heels.” I expect Thea to hit him or shy away, but she doesn’t. In fact, she grabs my face, pulls me close, and kisses me desperately.

“What was that for?” I ask, staying at her height. Her pupils are full, and the blue of her irises is left to slivers.

“Just proud of you and happy, and you were pretty hot up there,” she breathes. Thea runs her hands down my chest, fixing my shirt. “I lost my cool for a minute there, I guess.” She pushes me back, and I stand up. “y’all did great!” she yells to the band as they pass behind me.

“you should lose your cool more often,” I whisper. Thea rolls her eyes. Someone runs up behind me, wrapping their arms around me, hugging me from behind.

“You did great!” Juliet says excitedly, walking around to face me. “Oh, hey, Thea.” She smiles. “what are your plans for the night? we were going to go celebrate.” Juliet beams up at me.

“I’m headed back to my bus, but I just wanted to watch and say hi,” Thea smiles. “Good job again. Go celebrate; you deserve it.” She runs a hand up my back.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Juliet asks.

“oh yeah, I’m holding off drinking for a while. Girls’ night was plenty for me,” Thea laughs.

“Well, we should go, Andy. They probably want to clear the area.” Juliet pulls on my arm, sending a hard look at Thea. Oh, this is weird. I look at Thea, my mouth going dry.

“Yeah, have fun,” Thea smiles, pulling her hand back. She waves as Juliet pulls me away from the stage and back to the band. Something is weird; I’m definitely missing something, or Thea is really good at acting.

BONUS:

THEA

What the fuck was that? Do I have a sign in my that says please fuck with me? It’s one thing to be causal and flirty- it’s another to stare me down while you do it. My feet hit the dirt hard, kicking up rocks. I was all hot and bothered, not I’m just bothered and literally hot. I feel like I might burst into flames. I’m not crazy; that was weird. Damn. I trust Andy, that’s not the issue. It’s being looked at like I’m less than garbage. I stomp up the stairs of the bus.

“Thea’s back, and she’s pissed,” Ben yells into the bus. I glare at him. It’s not his fault he’s an idiot and the first person I’ve run into. I take a breath. “What happened to you?” He asks with a laugh.

“Nothing, some guy with a camera yelled at me for being in the way; it pissed me off,” I lie. Sitting on the couch across from him.

“how was the show?” James joins us. She sits beside me, laying her head on my shoulder. “You’re sweaty,” she comments.

“it was good,” I lie. “Although have you noticed how tight Alex’s pants are, I swear he’s gonna rip out of them if he keeps going,” I laugh.

“oh, I’ve noticed,” James grins. “I’m not complaining.”

“don’t objectify people,” Ben mocks. I roll my eyes, letting my anger dissolve. I can stress about it later. Tonight I’m happy with my friends and tomorrow I have bigger things to stress about.

Chapter Text

THEA

James pulls me down the stairs of the bus, excited to meet up with her boy toy for the day. “Holy fuck! Is it hotter today? Like a lot hotter?” I ask, letting the skin-searing heat from hell wash over me. My chest tightens, and my heart hammers against my ribs.

“Some freak heat wave is coming up the coast,” Ben says from behind us. “Don’t you track the weather?”

“No. I literally have someone do that for me. Less mental load,” sounds bitchier than intended. “Where are you going?” I deflect before he can say anything.

“Meeting up with some friends,” I do have a life outside of you.” He forces a fake ass smile. “Have fun, stay safe, don’t die,” he waves and walks away.

“Is he in a bad mood or just normal grumpy?” I ask, trying to remember the past 12 hours’ worth of conversations.

“I think that’s his usual,” James shrugs. She knocks on the bus door. The door swings open, revealing a smiling Alex.

“Good morning!” He grins. My legs start to tremble. “Come on in,” he gestures for us to get into the bus. Everyone is awake and eating lunch, and smiles and cheers greet us. Even Andrew is with them, sitting on the couch beside Juliet. Despite the heat, a chill runs down my spine, disgust. She doesn’t like me, and I’m not her biggest fan either. It’s fine, totally fine. “You okay?” Alex whispers, stepping close to me. I meet his eyes, concern written on his face.

“The heat and I aren’t friends,” I sigh, placing a hand on my chest to feel my racing heart. He nods in understanding.

“Just sit, take it easy,” he pushes me onto the couch beside Shay and Kellen. “Y’all want food?” He asks. I shake my head. James is already up in the kitchen, grabbing a plate full.

“You’re headlining tonight, right?” Kellen asks me. I nod. “Are you excited?”

“Of course! I’ve missed festivals, they’re so fun!” I say honestly. Juliet is talking closely with Andy, like talking in his face- in his mouth, really. What the fuck would call for that?

“Are you doing your regular set or…?” Shay asks, following my gaze. She smiles apologetically.

“Oh, I’m going back to my roots, normal music and all. No more depressing Thea for a night,” I laugh. Shay laughs and throws an arm over my shoulder.

“You’re not depressing,” she grins, “not as bad as Andy,” she laughs loudly. This pulls him from his personal conversation. Jeeze I’m a jealous bitch- let’s blame the heat wave.

“What’d I do?” He grins at the missed joke.

“You’re depressing music, man,” Kellen fills him in.

“they say write what you know or whatever the shit,” he laughs. I just want to curl up in his lap like a cat. Jesus, Thea, get it together.

“Even that joke was depressing,” Alex comments from the booth beside James. Everything gets fuzzy. My brain is foggy, heavy, blurred. I stare at our feet on the fake wood floors. Kellen and his cat patterned socks. Shay and her pedicured feet. My own beat-up pink sneakers. Andrew’s destroyed white converse. Sweat is on the back of my neck. They look like clown shoes compared to the rest of us. Tall, awkward, gangly- perfectly Andrew. My heart clenches, and tears form at the corners of my eyes. He has my entire heart. When did I get like this? Over-emotional- always, but ready to run face-first into love? Never.

“Are you alright?” His voice breaks through my thoughts. I meet his green eyes for just a moment, because the overwhelming feeling to sob my eyes out takes over.

“Yeah,” I clear my throat. “I’m fucking sweating,” I laugh. “I probably need air.” I glance at James. A silent plea for help.

“Let’s go get an icee or something,” James grins, standing quickly. She, of course, pulls Alex along with her. And I want him there. Am I going crazy? I would’ve noticed sooner.

“I’ll come with you,” Andy says, getting to his feet. He holds his hands out to me. “If that’s alright with you?” He grins.

“Of course,” I take his hands and stand. Blood rushes out of my brain, I’m lightheaded. I reach out and grab Andy’s chest. He grabs my elbows and steadies me.

“Seriously, are you okay?” He asks softly.

“I’m good,” I nod. Walking out of his grasp and down the bus steps, waving quickly to everyone else.

“Thea?” James asks.

“I’m okay,” my voice cracks. What the fuck is going on? My hormones are wack and my emotions are wack.

“Oh, lovie,” she laughs, pushing hair out of my face. “You’re okay, we’re here,” she smiles. Alex launches forward and crushes me in a hug. I can’t help but laugh.

“I am actually sweating,” I push him off of me. “I think I just don’t feel the greatest, and everything hit me at once.” I fan my face. “I don’t know, weird as hell,” I swallow back more tears.

“You’re allowed to feel bad,” Andy sighs. He hugs me tightly. Wrapping my arms tightly around his tiny waist, I let out a loud breath. Safe with him, in his arms, totally fucked in the head. He takes the moment to pull all my hair up off my neck and face, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

“So icee and then sit in the bus till soundcheck?” I laugh, forcing myself out of his grip.

“Sounds good to me,” James grins and interlocks out arms. She pulls me toward the festival.

ANDREW.

A happy blonde in a white pop-up tent greets me with wide eyes and a perfectly lined smile. My last interview of the day and of this festival. I’m ready to go honestly. After this weekend, we have another two shows, then a week off. It’ll be bliss. Thea and I can get away from all this shit for at least a day in some random city.

“Today we are joined by Hozier,” the woman smiles as I sit beside her.

“Hey, it’s great to be here,” I smile. She beams, puffing out her chest, scooting closer. After dealing with Juliet the past two days, I think I’m noticing this more. I mean, women have thrown themselves at me before, but this is getting excessive. Too sweet might be the death of me.

“So all over the internet people have been talking, and I have to ask your opinion,” she begins, her eyes lighting up. “Is it hot Irish guy summer?” She asks with a laugh, eyes trailing up my body.

“Well.. erm… I’m Irish, and I am baking in this heat,” I laugh at my default joke. “By the end of the day, I will be edible.”

“I’m sure plenty of people would want a bite of you,” she laughs. Oh god, that’s weird. I’m uncomfortable, and it’s my joke. I just laugh and look to Geoff for something. Reassurance? A smile? Help? “So you’ve been on tour a couple of months now, how has it been?” She asks, redirecting the conversation.

“It’s been great. I’ve been on tour with the amazing Thea Kane and her band. Every night is another amazing show that I think we’ll never top this, and then the next night we do. It’s an incredible experience,” I gush. I see the gears turn behind her eyes, the question waiting to strike.

“What is it like with her? You know how the rumor mill flies,” she asks, encouraging me to speak? What? Are there rumors about us? Of course, there are. We got caught after a concert.

“What do you mean?” My first instinct is to play dumb.

“Plenty of people have shared their horror stories with the pop princess. Are you surviving this summer?” I- what? Hello? I must make a weird face because the interviewer scowls before laughing softly.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” I laugh. “Thea is the sweetest person I have ever met, there is no way someone could hate spending time with her,” I smile. “Maybe catching her first this in the morning, but still she isn’t awful,” i joke. This is not the answer she wanted.

“So are you two together then? You’re ready at her defense.” My eyes snap up to Geoff. This is unprofessional, right? I’ve never had an interview this blatantly bad. Geoff smiles and motions for me to keep talking.

“I- well- erm… we’re friends, of course I’m going to defend my friends,” I stumble through an answer. “And frankly, if I had a girlfriend, it would be nobody’s business but my own,” I find my voice. Geoff clears his throat with a stern look.

“Yes, of course, you deserve your privacy,” she quickly backtracks. She asks a few more halfhearted questions about the tour, but doesn’t make any attempt at personal questions. “Thank you for joking with me today,” she smiles, ending the interview. I hug her goodbye, and Geoff and I walk towards the buses.

“Well, that was weird,” I mutter.

“Is there something you want to tell me, Andrew?” He asks.

“No?” is there?

“Is there something going on between you and Thea?” he asks sternly. I shake my head. “She’s a good artist and a nice girl and all, but she has issues and media issues, you don’t need to be getting involved in all that,” he is firm. My heart aches. I look at my manager, one of the first people to believe in me and fucking lie to his face.

“There is nothing going on between Thea and me, we’re friends,” I lie. We’re friends who kiss and say I love you, and I desperately want to have sex with.

“ok, I believe you,” he concedes, leaving me to rejoin the band. I do so with shame and rose-tinted cheeks.

We’re sitting around goofing off. I just finished my last interview of the day. We’re going to plan dinner, maybe before Thea’s set. God, I can’t wait to see her perform. She’ll do great. She always does, but to see her fully come to life. I have butterflies thinking about it.

“You’re grinning to yourself,” Alex comments, “whatcha thinking about, weirdo?” He asks. I look up at him and just stare, hoping he can read my mind. “Thea?” He whispers with a shit eating grin. I just laugh. Someone grabs my shoulder, making me jump. Alex and I both turn. “What are you doing here? I thought you had sound check?” He asks James. James bends down and whispers in my ear.

“Thea just blacked out on stage, she’s gonna want support whether she asks for it or not.” My eyes widen.

“Is she okay?” My blood runs cold. She blacked out?

“John caught her, and he and Matt are waiting for her to get up,” she tells us. Holy shit. James tells me where they were doing sound check, and I’m on my feet heading that direction.

“Andy, where are you going?” Juliet asks, “You’re the life of the party, you can’t leave,” she practically whines. It strikes a nerve.

“I need some air,” I brush her off and continue towards Thea. My girl. As soon as I’m out of view of my crew and band, I’m sprinting through the festival grounds. Long limbs, admittedly, flailing and drawing attention, but fuck if I care. Not now.

THEA

holy shit its hotter on stage! Can the festival handle this kind of heat? Are people passing out left and right? Am I next? “Thea, you good?” John yells, breaking through my thoughts. I nod reflexively. “No, you look like you’re gonna pass out.” He grabs me as my knees buckle. His bass screeches as I fall into him. I feel the stage beneath me warm my back, but I can’t hold onto consciousness and fall into darkness.

As I come to, John and Matt are over me. John has a cold cloth to my face, and Matt has a baby fan blowing at me. “Thea, are you okay?” Matt asks softly. I nod.

“I’m chill, all is good,” I manage a smile.

“you’re full of shit,” John laughs.

“I’m sorry I fucked up,” I apologize.

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s not your fault,” Matt sighs. “Everyone else got to end early, it’s fine.” I glance over to James’ drums, now empty. “Is it just the heat and usual, or is there something else I should worry about?” Matt asks.

“As far as I know, this is my normal for it being hotter than hell.” He nods.

“Okay, let’s get you up and find some AC and water,” Matt says. They help me to my feet. We quickly learn that there are a few tents with fans and stuff, but no real place to cool down. Matt plops me in front of a fan and commands me to put my feet up to keep the blood somewhat in my head.

“I’ll get us food, what do you want?” John asks. I shake my head. I’m gonna puke or die. His eyes are pulled behind me as the tent opens.

“I heard what happened. Is she alright?” Andrew asks worriedly.

“Ask her yourself,” John gestures to me. Andy circles me and kneels in front of me.

“Hey, Thea, are you okay?” He rubs my thigh gently.

“I don’t feel good,” I tell him honestly.

“I can imagine,” he smiles softly.

“I’ll leave you two alone, but be good,” John gives us a side eye.

“Thank you,” I say as he leaves.

“How are you really?” Andy asks. I sigh, dropping my head to my chest.

“Feel like I’ve been run over,” I laugh pitifully. He rubs my legs comfortingly.

“You know what? Why don’t we stay in a hotel tonight? We don’t have a show for a few days, no bus, no bandmates, plenty of AC,” he offers.

“I’m sure that won’t be suspicious,” I lean down pressing my forehead to his. My hair rains down around us, curtains to the world. Andy grins.

“I’ll come up with something,” he says, kissing me softly.

“Hey!” The tent opens.

“Hey!” I repeat, my heart skips a beat, and black spots cloud my vision. Andy and I jump apart.

“I have a solution. We have like 6 hours till your set, so I booked a couple of rooms at the nearby hotel. So you’ll have AC and beds and everything. Geoff thinks it’s a great idea and is looking into the same thing,” Matt says triumphantly. “Oh, hey, Andrew.” He waves. “I’ve got a car on the way, you’re welcome to go if you’re hot as well or just sick of the festival,” Matt offers.

“That sounds awesome,” Andy smiles at me. He helps me to my feet, wrapping his arm around my waist to keep me upright, and the other holds my hand tightly.

“Matt, I really don’t feel well,” I state plainly, closing my eyes to stop the spinning.

“What are you asking me?” It’s accusatory- harsh.

“Nothing? I don’t know?” I mutter. “I just want to go right now!” He leads us to the car. Andy helps me in the car, then slides in beside me. I don’t care about Matt or his eyes or his thoughts. I cuddle into Andy’s side, pulling my legs into his lap. He wraps his arms around me, holding me close.

“You’re okay,” he whispers. “I’m here, nothing will happen.” A soothing hand runs down my back.

I scroll my phone, damn targeted ads and TikToks every video is about the festival. From videos of Andrew’s set to people running for the barricade, I can’t escape it. “Matt, did you know how many people are passing out at the festival? And like the medic tent can’t keep up.” I text him the most recent TikTok I scroll by.

“It doesn’t surprise me, you should’ve seen all the people when I went to find a medic,” he tells us.

“They could’ve been more prepared, or shut down the festival,” I shake my head.

“All of that comes at a price, T. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do,” he says.

“Even at the risk of someone’s safety?” I ask pointedly. He only grunts in response. We both know what the other is thinking.

At the hotel, Matt checks into the two available rooms and speaks rather aggressively with the front desk staff. We stand awkwardly behind him, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Andy pulls his hat down to shield more of his face, and I lean into his side and hope for the best. I can’t worry about it right now. I want a Poweraid and a nap. Matt takes the keys and leads us to the elevators, giving us a second glance that is both confused and brief. We’re gonna get in trouble like little kids. I stumble on my feet, like a baby bird. I throw my arms out on either side of me, laughing as I try to steady my feet.

“Kid, you need to sleep this off,” Matt sighs, shaking his head as we get in the elevator. “I’ll leave you to sleep and rest, so I can round up the others and try to find additional fans for tonight,” he explains. “Andrew, you are welcome to the second room or bed or whatever you want,” Matt offers.

“I’ll stay and take care of Thea,” he smiles, “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“I can take care of myself,” I huff, crossing my arms.

“Barely,” Matt mutters. “Just make sure she drinks water and rests,” Matt instructs him as we enter the room. A bag full of PowerAid and salty snacks sits on the desk. “Good, they did listen,” he mutters to himself. “Please be good,” he turns to me.

“I will, jeeze,” I wave him away.

“I’ll take care of her,” Andrew smiles.

“Thank you, I’ll be just a phone call away,” Matt says, leaving in a whirlwind - he needs a vacation.

“I’m not a baby,” I grumble, not helping my point.

“I know that,” Andy laughs. “We’re just taking care of you, and you look like a zombie.” He thumbs my lip. “A sad, pitiful, but cute zombie,” I laugh as his lips meet mine.

“Whatever,” I giggle.

“Please lie down and let me get you water,” he begs.

“Fine,” I huff. I flop back onto the pillows. He brings me a glass of water and sits beside me. I pull him closer, making him gasp in surprise.

“For someone wasting away in the heat, you sure are strong,” he laughs. “Do you want me to cuddle with you?” He coos. I nod, snuggling into his chest and tangling our legs together. I’m putty and slip immediately into a sleep coma.

ANDREW

Thea is sound asleep against my chest. She is still eerily pale, minus her glowing red cheeks. I trace shapes across her exposed skin. My poor girl, so tired and beaten down. Welp, at least like this, she is clingy and cuddly

The hotel room door unlocks and swings open loudly, my heart jumps. Thea will freak if our friends find us like this. “It is so fucking hot! I swear to god my-” Shay’s voice catches in her throat. I hold a finger to my lips with a small smile. “It’s just me,” she glances at the door. A grin grows across her face. “The other rooms aren’t ready, I was hoping to nap,” she explains in a whisper, crossing the room to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. “So you two are together?” She looks between us excitedly. Well fuck. Do I tell the truth, lie, or come up with something?

“Well…erm… we’re together but we’re keeping it kind of secret because the bands and tour and the fans,” I go with the truth. “Honestly, if Thea finds out you caught us, she’ll freak.” Shay looks down at her and smiles.

“I won’t tell a soul,” she mimics locking her lips. “I get it, your fans are brutal,” Shay sighs. Guilt pangs in my chest. “Is she alright? John told us what happened.” She flops onto the bed opposite us.

“Yeah, it’s the heat,” I tell her.

“Poor thing,” she pouts. “It’s a disease,e right? She mentioned it when we went out because her meds and alcohol don’t mix,” Shay asks. I nod, trying to remember everything she’s told me.

“James or John could tell you everything, but Thea has told me that her body just hates her,” I chuckle. Shay nods. She grabs the remote and clicks on the TV, flipping through channels till she settles on a movie. We sit and watch as Thea’s soft snores echo from my side.

~*~

Matt texts my phone, lighting up the screen. He’s on his way back to collect Thea and the band for their set tonight. he’s going to expect her to be up and dressed and ready to go.

“Thea, its time to wake up,” I whisper. she mumbles, curling into me with a tight grip, Shay snickers. “Thea, darlin’, you’ve got to get up,” I shake her shoulder. She tries to curl into me more, but I slide out of her grasp.

“You’re mean,” she mumbles into the pillows. She looks up at me, then behind me, where Shay is sitting. Thea’s eyes widen. “Hi, Shay,” she mumbles awkwardly.

“Hey, Thea,” Shay smiles.

“Don’t worry about it,” I try.

“Not helpful.” Thea is quick to respond, now sitting up and taking stock of the room. “Um… so this is awkward.”

“Don’t worry about it, girl.” Shay waves her off. “I can keep a secret. Especially for you two.” Thea’s cheeks seem to glow more.

“Thank you,” Thea smiles.

“How about I braid your hair for your set tonight?” Shay offers. Thea nods, eyes glazed over. She tries to stand, but her legs shake and her knees buckle.

“I guess not,” Thea laughs at herself as she falls back onto the bed.

“Baby, are you going to be able to do this tonight?” I ask, sitting beside her.

“I have to,” she sighs. “Matt would kill me,” Thea says. “My fans would crucify me.” Matt is too hard on her, but who am I to judge their relationship.

“If you can’t do it, you can’t do it,” Shay says softly, “don’t push your body too far.”

“I’ll be okay,” Thea swallows back tears, “I have to do this.” She nods determinedly. “I’ve done worse and stupider.” She jumps up and walks triumphantly to the bathroom, emerging moments later somehow paler again. “I kind of look like death,” she laughs.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” she pulls her into a chair in front of the mirror. She braids her hair into buns on the top of her head and does Thea’s makeup so she doesn’t look like a walking, talking sheet of paper.

“Oh damn I look good,” Thea laughs once Shay is done.

“Andy, what do you think?” Shay asks.

“Gorgeous as always,” I catch Thea’s eyes in the mirror. “You’re going to do great,” I tell her. My phone goes off. Matt is downstairs waiting for everyone. “Matt’s here.”

“Woo, off to hopefully not die on stage,” Thea laughs. “Enjoy the AC for me,” she smiles.

“I’m coming with you, don’t worry,” I tell her. “I want to see the great Thea Kane in action.” She rolls her eyes.

“I’m working at half capacity, so give me some grace,” she laughs. She slips on her shoes and turns toward the door.

“One last thing,” I stop her. Grabbing her wrist, I spin her to face me. “I’m proud of you,” I kiss her. Thea stares up at me with wide eyes.

“I’m dead, yall are fucking cute,” Shay laughs. Her eyes go glassy, as soon as I notice, she buries her face in my chest.

“Let’s get this over with,” she clears her throat and stands upright. Thea flashes her golden smile. Her facade is cracking. I just hope she lets me in.