Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

No this can't be it. 

They talked about this. God, they discussed it over breakfast and dinner over the past several weeks. 

Mile had been dreaming about the day.. fuck… the day when everyone would know that Apo was his. His boyfriend, partner in life. Soulmate. 

Everyone knew it already. The cast and crew of KinnPorsche.. they would be blind not to know. 

It was common knowledge at the set of Man Suang as well. Everyone teased them about it, even though Chat and Khem didn't have a single truly romantic moment, their chemistry just made it through the screen. 

Mile felt shy watching some of the scenes. He knew fans would tease him for it but Mile secretly busked into pleasure when seeing people supporting their love. 

Everyone seemed to love them and their relationship on the internet. Even to this day he got fan messages and gifts with a letter that ended with endnotes, “Give Apo kiss, na,” “We support you, maipo.” 

Mile wasn't an idealistic man who believed in fairy tales. He knew that not everyone would like their relationship, or approve it like Mile's parents did back in the day. 

Not everyone would invite them together at home and bring out the photo album of tiny Mile to tease him in front of his boyfriend. 

He knew that. 

Even Apo's parents were somewhat distant. When they met with two people who raised a person as kind and open minded as Apo was, Mile felt the nerves creeping in under his skin just by looking at Apo trying to choose his every word carefully.

Needless to say, Mile never initiated to meet them again. 

Maybe that was the main reason why Apo did what he did today.. God, Mile was dead on his feet and his mind still worked overtime to get answers to the questions he was too afraid to ask. 

Was it a rejection? Did Apo reject his feelings today because he didn't go through their plan of announcing their relationship? 

No, that was not possible. Mile knew Apo too well. He was aware of the reason behind his every taken breath, every uttered word or movement. 

Apo was afraid. He stood there next to Mil, almost shared his breath with him and got so afraid that he couldn't go through with it. 

Instead Apo said something about being happy that Mile made his dream come true. If only… if only Mile could make one more dream come true tonight. 

The concert was over. It all went according to the schedule. Mile was a businessman first and a musician second. He knew the value of long hours and preparation and he just did that. Got through a tight schedule, endless flights and appearances, long hours at the studio and bruised fingers at the end of the day. Even Apo's encouragement and kisses were barely enough to get through the day sometimes. 

Yet, Mile was happy now. 

The relief of getting it over with.. It washed over him as soon as he got backstage after saying goodbye to the fans. 

He was alone now. Sore, happy, sad,calm and angry at the same time. Maybe his brain needed a checkup. 

The last time he caught a glimpse of Apo was half an hour ago, when the actor got backstage and kissed him as soon as Mile made it to him. 

Mile kissed him back, inhaled the smell that was more familiar than his favorite cologne and buried his nose in his neck. 

God, the feeling of hurt and love fought against one another. 

Apo packed his back and smiled at him as if Mile just hung a moon for him. No trace of the hurricane that Mile's brain was occupied with. 

The staff urged Mile to leave the comfort of his lover and go greet the fans backstage as a concert benefit. 

Now sitting in his changeroom, Mile could just let go. And he just did that by planting on the sofa with his face between the cushions. 

He was pathetic.

He spared five minutes of his time dwelling and sobbing without any real tears… and got going with the flow. 

He had Apo. He woke up every single day in his arms but was still feeling alone. Apo was his, but the world was yet to know that. 

If he had gotten his way, they'd hold his hand in front of everyone and Mile would say the words that he already knew by heart:

“Thank all of you for being by my side. Supporting me and supporting Apo in a journey of self discovery, friendship, partnership and love. I have the man I love by my side tonight and I wish you all find it as well when the time comes.”

But Apo halted. Froze next to him as soon as Mile's fingers touched his ones. With pleading eyes, Apo just barely shook his head. 

Not ready, That's what Mile read in the look. 

Don’t make me, Apo asked him with his eyes only. 

It was enough for Mile to feel defeated, betrayed, rejected. 

God, it was all too much to handle. 

____________________

The afterparty was fun at least. Being naturally shy, Mile didn't love the attention but everyone there was his friend who Mile loved dearly. They made him lose the dreadful thoughts and just be in the moment. 

Apo was there of course. He didn't drink but that didn't restrain him from being all over Mile, hugging him, jumping his back, laughing like a kid at Mile’s dad jokes. 

He always laughed… even though no one did most of the time. 

How could Mile be upset with him for a longer period of time?

He let go of the bitter feeling and even danced with Apo who threw his arms out of rhythm, jumping and giggling the whole time.

Man, he really couldn't dance, but Mile always found it even more endearing. Just like Apo found him funny.

They changed kisses as well. The alcohol and the occasional touches made him lose his mind and press Apo against the wall to the bathroom, kissing the hell out of him. 

Apo kissed him just as hard, probably high on endorphins. In any other case, Mile knew Apo would be more cautious. 

He finished the make out with a peck on the lips and adjusted himself. Apo's blissed out face almost had him kissing again. 

It was 3 in the morning when he stumbled up to their room upstairs. The restaurant they chose for the occasion was on the second floor of the hotel building. No one wanted to drive their drunk asses home after the party was over. 

He lost Apo somewhere in the middle of the dance floor 15 minutes prior. 

Mile’s head was banging by the time he came into the hotel room. 

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, Apo was above him on bed, kissing his cheek and nuzzling his nose against it. 

Mile's hand went on his waist automatically. 

“C'mon, Mai. Wake up, let's have sex.”

The man and his stamina. 

“Poo..” - He croaked out through the dryness in his mouth. 

“Kiss me, maiii.” 

Oh, how much Mile loved the nickname Apo only used for him when they were alone. 

Never in front of anyone. 

“Noo, baby. Let's sleep tonight. We’ll have sex tomorrow. I can barely open my eyes.”

What a weak excuse. Apo would see through him so easily. Mile never said a no to kissing, fucking. Never.

“Wake up, old man. I want you now. Not tomorrow.”

He was so stubborn. 

And horny as well. Apo’s dick was digging his hip almost painfully. 

“Noo, baby. Not now.”- He tried again. 

Why was he like that… Apo wanted him.. was begging him to be fucked and Mile just denied him.

First time for everything. 

“Mile.” - Apo whined above him, starting kissing Mile’s neck, teasing the skin with his teeth. 

Mile would be all over him if he.. if he wasn't feeling really fucking bad right now. 

“Po..” -He pleaded once again. 

Apo really didn't get the hint. He could be so cute sometimes. 

Not until his hand brushed against Mile’s lower parts and found him soft. 

The mortification was on the highest level. Mile had never felt so ashamed. He was ready to bolt out of the room and never come back. 

Apo stilled on top of him.

“Oh… oh.. oh my god…” - He stumbled back until Mile lost all physical contact with him. 

“What… I'm sorry. I thought..” 

“It's not your fault..” Not this part..

“Then…” - Apo looked small. 

Mile was making him look like this. Feel like this. Maybe he could just swallow his pride and make Apo happy in a way that Apo wanted him.

Mile wasn't the smartest one when it came to relationships. 

“You stopped me.”

“Mai..”

Mile sat on the bed, Apo almost curling into a ball, hugging his knees. 

“I wanted to tell them.”

“It's.. it's not that simple.” - Apo whispered in thin air. 

He felt a chill running down his spine. 

“It is that simple.” - He made himself say it. 

“You could.. still.. say it, you know.”

Apo had his head hung low. Only on the last words he threw a quick glance at Mile. 

“I couldn't never do that. Not without you.. on board.” 

“Oh, please… “ - Apo’s face turned soar, “ Like you couldn't. You danced with that woman just fine. And I didn't approve of it as I remember.” 

“That's not the same thing.” - It started to irritate Mile as well.

“Really? Don't make me say that you were gonna kiss her at the end of the dance… I saw the look on your face, you asshole. I know what you look like before you lean in for a kiss.”

“That's… that's not true..” 

“Fucker…” - Apo murmured, before adding out loud - “You kiss someone else… no you breath toward another person and I will make you pay for it..”

Mile reached out to him, but Apo slapped his hand. 

“Pooo.”

“You know I don't share.”

Oh, that was the wrong thing to say.

“I know that. You don't share.” 

The words had double meanings and both of them knew that. The realization hit them with force and the silence fell in the room. 

Is that what you wanted, Mile tormented himself. 

“Let's just go to sleep. Maybe you can fuck me tomorrow.” 

The words felt like a slap to the face. The last remnant of the alcohol daze left him at that moment. 

“Is that what you want?” - Mile asked sadly. 

“Maybe I do.” - Apo said bitterly. Mile wasn't having it.

“Po..” - He said with the softest voice that he saved for Apo only. 

Apo’s whole demeanor changed with it.

“I already said.. that I want you.” - He said just as softly. 

Fuck.

Maybe Mile was an idiot for this… for giving his heart to the man who was his but only in the confidence of the hotel room, Mile’s condo or the private company of friends. 

But Mile would take whatever was given to him.

And more than that. He wouldn't ever leave Apo unsatisfied. 

“Come here, then.” 

He held his hand out.

And Apo reciprocated. 

Chapter Text

Mile looked angry? Sad? Defeated?

Apo cursed himself for being the reason behind all this. On the exact same night Mile got what he had been dreaming of since his childhood… God, he had shared his visions to Apo multiple times. Always under the darkness of the night, after a mind-blowing sex.

Mile took pleasure from playing guitar, singing, and being on stage. Apo knew the importance of this particular night.

That's what he pressed in his speech on the stage, seeing Mile's beaming smile was a reward Apo was blessed with at the end.

And now looking at the man he loved hurting because of what he did.. or didn't do … felt like a painful wound on his heart and chest.

The truth was he was ready to announce, to hold Mile's hand in front of everyone and let go of his insecurities.

Everyone knew about them already. Even Apo's parents gave in, asking Apo about him sometimes over the phone.

Then why did he hesitate? Why did he show Mile the cold feet.. Why did he ruin his night?

“You could still say it.” That's what he told Mile. And he gave away what was in his mind all this time.

It wasn't like he didn't want to be with Mile.. publicly. He was just as scared as a teenager standing in front of the family, saying that he likes boys too for the first time in his life.

No one would slap him this time. He wouldn't get punished or yelled at.

He wanted MIle to be brave for both of them, say the words at last and rip it like a bandaid.

He could sense why Mile held back. Sometimes it felt like his every word, every movement or a facial expression held a huge importance to Mile.. As if he cherished Apo's every word and used the knowledge to his advantage. In the end, it was Apo being so unbelievably in love that his breath caught every time he saw Mile or even just thought of him.

He hurt Mile's feelings so badly that the man wasn't turned on with the prospect of having sex with him. Apo was humble enough to acknowledge that everyone had their preferences or stamina and sex would happen if both parties were on board. What weighed on him was that this never happened to them. Mile was a passionate lover and Apo always had the evidence of it on random parts of his skin.

Now they were kissing softly, with Apo in his lap and embracing him. It felt right and wrong at the same time. Mile's soft lips on his neck were heavenly… except Apo couldn't turn his mind off, thinking if all this was turning Mile on or he was just trying to make Apo feel good.. selflessly, as he always did.

“P'mai…” - Apo whined on a particularly strong bite on his collarbone.

“Po..” Mile's hands tightened on his ass.. Apo noticed how his breath turned into pants, short and feverish… his lips danced, nipped and sucked every part of his skin that he reached.

Slowly, Mile pushed him over until Apo's back softly met with the sheets.. Mile was still holding him tightly, leaning against his whole body on top of him.

Apo felt the familiar feeling of being with Mile, being blissed out, taken care of, loved and adored.

Their lips met again and with the touch of Mile’s tongue against him, Apo felt the tears stinging his eyes.

He couldn't.. he couldn't go on like this.

Something about this was wrong..

Apo’s hands latched on Mile’s nape and made him break the kiss and look Apo in the eye instead.

The panic and the understanding took place on Mile’s face all at once.

“Baby.. I'm sorry.. I was wrong… I'm sorry..” - Mile whispered the words in his neck, embracing Apo even tighter.

How could he… blame himself for this…

“No.. no.. Mai.. It was my fault. We agreed and I.. I… wanted to.. but I got so scared, baby.” - The tears were wetting Apo’s cheeks now.

“No.. Po. I get it now.. I'm not angry, baby. We can do whatever you want.”

“I want you.. I want to be with you.. “

“That's all I want, Po. That's all I ever wanted, baby.”

“I let you down, mai.. I didn't want to.. believe me.”

They were trading words, kisses and desperate touches and it still wasn't enough for Apo.

He wanted to show Mile that he wouldn't ever be so scared for telling the world Mile was his, that Apo belonged to Mile and Mile only.

How could he convince Mile of that? Show him.. that? Words wouldn't be enough. He promised Mile last time as well but couldn’t really go through with it.

What could Apo do now?

That's when it struck him.

People around them already knew about their relationship. Their coworkers, cast and crew, their families. But people like the dancers or extra actors they hired for a single occasion, weren't aware of it at all.

Apo scolded Mile for dancing too eroticaly today but the truth was.. everything happened because he wasn't brave enough.

Of course Mile could charm everyone around him, be it man or a woman, crew member or some businessman they met at the Dior party. (Apo was still bitter about the latter)

But It only happened because of him. If everyone knew that the highlight of their day was before sleep, when Apo would put his head on Mile's chest, or Mile would spoon him from behind… Then no one would linger a second too much on Mile’s absolutely breathtaking face.

“Come here, Mai..” - Apo drew him closer to himself.

Mile's soft, rosy cheeks and a completely puzzled face caused a rush of feelings for Apo even more than he felt a second ago.

He pecked Mile’s lips once, while trying to locate his phone that he threw on the bed a few minutes ago. His fingers touched something cold and Apo grabbed the phone in a tight grip. Flipping the camera to the selfie-mode, Apo threw his arm around Mile’s neck and pursed his lips for a kiss.

“Wha-”, Mile couldn’t finish the word before Apo’s lips stuck on his.

“Mnn- Po- “, Apo felt sorry for Mile but couldn’t help but giggle at his boyfriend.

“Look! “ - Apo showed him the picture, but cursed internally once he saw it.

The angle wasn’t right because they were kissing while Apo tried to take a picture, so their faces were cut halfway, only showing their closed eyes and forehead.

“Ohh.. wait, phi..” - Apo said and brought even more confused Mile in a rushed kiss. The result was not any better. He tried several more times but in vain.

In the end, he chose the old picture that they took a day before.. In that picture Apo’s face is buried in Mile’s neck, kissing it softly.

Apo remembered the way Mile’s hair tickled his cheek and nose. And most importantly, how Mile shuddered when Apo told him in encouragement before the concert: “The world is better because it has you. Po is happy to have you.”

This sort of encouragement always did wonders on Mile. Apo knew that and never failed to provide it for his boyfriend before the big events.

Apo captioned the picture with simple words, “Kisses to my rockstar. He deserved it.”

After uploading the photo on IG, Apo tossed the phone somewhere behind him and faced the stone faced Mile.

The silence that made Apo insecure for a second felt like a torture.. Until Mile’s soft murmur reached his ears.

“Po..”

“Mnn..”, Apo encouraged him to continue, but he himself lowered his eyes, only looking at his hands, tightly clutching his own thighs.

He felt insecure. What if he misjudged it? What if Mile wanted a different story that would be more romantic to tell in the future.

“You really did that?”

Apo simply nodded, still not making eye contact.

“It’s a very… intimate moment.. In the picture.”

“Mnn.”

“Do you feel alright? Maybe we.. should have thought it through?”

Apo’s face shot upwards..

“Don’t you dare accuse yourself. You know I really hate it.”

It seemed like the words dried on Mile’s lips. He just shut his mouth swiftly.

Sometimes talking was too hard for them. Even though they knew each other’s every thought, sometimes it just took another level of bravery to put their feelings into words. This was one of those moments.

That’s why Apo held his head high, looking straight to Mile, to communicate his thoughts and feelings without drawing a single word.

It worked eventually, because a glint of hope could be seen in hi Mile’s eyes for a second, before the blinding smile took its place.

“Aoooww… Poo.. we should have done it at the concert. Would save the drama.” - Mile teased, bringing his arms around Apo’s torso.

“Aiii, p’mai.. You’re not that old. Get over it.. You won’t die of heartbreak.”

“Yeaah??” - Mile said before tickling Apo’s side and catching his earlobe with his teeth before Apo could put some distance between them.

“Were you planning this all this time, Po? Did you want to show them the picture we took? Show them our private moment?”

“P’maii.” - Apo whined at the accusation. A mouth on this man sometimes..

“Did you want to be seen like this? All soft for me?”

“Pervert..” - Apo murmured, trying to distract himself from Mile’s lips that licked and sucked the right side of his neck.

“No. You like me..” - Another lick.. Fuck - “You love me.”

“Phiii…” - Apo was sitting on his lap again, clinging and pushing away Mile at the same time.

“Should we take a lot of pictures then?”

“What?” - the words weren’t making sense anymore. Not since Apo felt Mile hardening under him. He didn’t know where Mile took the phone from but the next moment, he was scrunching his eyes from the flashlight…

“Turn the damn thing off, Mile.” - He complained without any heat behind it.

“Sorry, Po.. wait.. Yes.. I turned the flash off. Now look pretty for me baby..”

What happened next was Mile taking picture after picture of them kissing, laughing.. One right at the moment when Mile sucked a massive hickey on his neck. Blowing air to the sensitive skin.

Apo felt horny, overjoyed and so freaking happy that all the worries of the night fell right out of his head until later that night, when they were tucked in bed, exhausted from the day, but sated by the night.

There were hundreds of comments on the post. Apo looked through several of them, putting a like on a few.

Mile had commented: 💚💚💚

Nathanee-rom: 💚💛 MileApo

Krisda: Couple goals

Tong: babies 🥰

Jeff Satur: Yeah 🔥🎸

________________________

Smile danced across Apo’s face when he closed his eyes for the second time that night.

Everything would be alright. As long as Mile was with him.