Archive of Our Own ^beta

. . .

“You can’t possibly be drinking coffee this late at night.”

JJ lifted his head when he heard his girlfriend enter the kitchen in her pajamas. She tip-toed towards the condo’s smooth counter space to have a seat on the stool next to his.

He sighed and loosened his grip on the mug of coffee, which probably was as cold as the liquid combined with milk and sugar itself by now. “I can’t sleep.”

He could feel Kiara’s eyes trying to bore into his, but he kept his gaze strictly on the mug in front of him.

“You know that coffee does not help in that case though, right?”

JJ shrugged mindlessly. “It tastes phenomenal.”

He could basically hear her grin as she shook her head in disbelief at the justification of his actions. “A few months ago you strictly claimed that coffee is a Kook thing and a Kook thing only.” She crossed her arms, her perfect white teeth basically shining.

“What can I say? I learned from my mistakes.” Finally, he turned a little to really look at Kie. He was met with a sparkle in her chocolate brown eyes with a hint of worry in them. “Kooks tend to drink surprisingly good stuff.”

Kiara tilted her head to the side. “What’s bothering you, Jayj?”

He broke eye contact as right his leg began to bounce slowly, then uncontrollably. “Nothin’,” he murmured.

Kie immediately brought her hand to his knee in an attempt to calm him down. She didn’t say a word, just gently began stroking her thumb over his leg as she patiently waited for her boyfriend to relax under her touch.

JJ tried taking some deep, measured breaths, then eventually got the courage to look at her again.

“Talk to me,” Kie said now, almost pleadingly.

He buried his head in his hands and let out a sigh.

“Please don’t shut me out, Jayj.”

“I’m not shutting you out.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“I’m not.”

“You totally are.”

JJ looked up again when Kie pulled her hand back from his thigh. He shifted a little in his chair to face her properly. “I just don’t want you to be all worried about nothing, alright?”

“Well, you are worrying me. Quite a lot, if I’m being honest.”

“But you don’t have to be worried,” he repeated lamely.

Kie sighed. “You’re not making it any better.” She reached out her hand once more, this time to tenderly run it through his blond hair. “I thought we promised to not shut each other out anymore. We're past that, right?”

JJ fought the urge to look away again, knowing he’d only make it worse for both of them, as he permitted to basically melt at the way she gently let her fingers wander through the strands of hair. “You wanna go on a walk?” he asked after a moment.

Kie stopped toying around with his hair and nodded enthusiastically. “Sure. Just let me grab a hoodie, okay?”

. . .

They exited the condo as quietly as possible, trying not to wake Sarah and John B under any circumstances. The four of them have been living together for almost three months now – ever since returning from their fateful journey in South America. While Pope and Cleo still lived with the Heywards, the rest of the Pogues didn’t have a proper place to stay, and after Sarah remembered that her father had left her a key for some condo in Kooklandia itself, they made themselves as comfortable as possible in their new home.

It had been weird and awkwardly new at first, especially with both Big John and Ward gone for good, but throughout the weeks, they got more used to their roommate situation, and JJ felt like Sarah as well as John B were making remarkable progress when it came to handling the loss of their fathers.

Kie slowly shut the door behind them. She shivered a little in the cold, but smiled at him reassuringly. They walked down the few steps of the porch without uttering any words, and JJ closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the cool night air against his skin.

“You wanna talk about it now?”

He glanced at Kiara as they reached the road. He took her hand in his, intertwining their fingers.

“Sorry,” she whispered then, “I don’t wanna push you.”

JJ quickly shook his head. “No, no, it’s okay. You’re right.” He shot her a cheeky smile. “Communication is key and all, right?”

She scoffed with a proud grin spread across her face. “Correct.”

They continued walking hand in hand, the street lanterns and stars in the sky lighting the familiar path ahead of them.

“Can we go to the beach?” JJ said after a few seconds, and Kie nodded in response, with a smile that suggested she’d already anticipated this very question.

They reached the shore only minutes later, and as they took some more steps and eventually sat down in the sand next to each other with their shoulders barely brushing, JJ felt some sort of inner peace wash all over him.

In the past weeks, going to the beach in the middle of the night had become a new habit for the two of them. Since both JJ and Kie tended to struggle with insomnia shortly after they first came back to the Outer Banks, they would spend the few hours of the night by the beach just like this; sitting there and talking about everything and nothing at the same time, just enjoying each other’s company and the sound of the ocean.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a couple of seconds, savoring the cool breeze and the faint noises around them. JJ looked at her, her face barely lit by the moonlight, and he knew he had to tell her. The weight on his chest had been growing heavier by the minute, and he simply felt like he couldn't keep it from her any longer. Like he didn’t want to keep anything from her, ever, at all. It was a realization that had hit him again and again in the past months – he wanted Kiara to be a part of his life and to let her know what he was thinking and feeling.

And he was okay with that. More than he thought he would be, even if he was still learning to open up and really, truly communicate with his girlfriend.

"Kie," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I … I'm scared."

Her brows furrowed with concern when she looked at him. "Scared of what, Jayj?"

"Of the future, I guess," he admitted after a short pause, his fingers tracing unrecognizable patterns in the sand.

"What if my dad comes back?” he finally blurted out. “What will happen to our house? And you ...” He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. “What if your parents show up and just take you away again?"

She didn't say anything for a moment, and as the silence between them remained unbroken, JJ felt the panic rise in his body, the fear of possibly having upset her for some reason.

But then, she took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently. "JJ, I'm not going anywhere. And as for your dad and the house ... we'll figure it out together. We always do."

JJ nodded, feeling a little relieved. Kiara had this way of making everything seem like it was going to be okay, even when it felt like the whole world was crashing down around them.

“I wanted to take a look, y’know?” he revealed then. “At the house. I …” He pulled his hand back and used it to rub his neck in some kind of awkwardness. “I think I wanna move back there.”

Kie stared at him, obviously surprised. “Okay,” she said, dragging the word out skeptically.

“Yeah, that’s that. And, uh …” He cleared his throat. “I wanted to ask if you’d want to come with me.”

The question obviously took her by surprise, and she blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of what the hell he’d just proposed. “Wait, are you being serious?”

He carefully smirked at her. “Dead serious. Would you … would you like to move in with me?” He cringed a little himself, but at the same time, it felt more than just right to ask her.

Kie’s lips curled into a wide, warm smile. “Of course I want to, Jayj.”

JJ felt his shoulders untense at her words. “I just think we both need to get out of that damn Kook condo.” He grimaced. “It’s too white and too beige. It makes my eyes hurt like crazy.”

She laughed in response. “You do like the shower, though.”

“Who wouldn’t? It’s huge! And the water’s warm.” He grinned. “Seriously, though. I think we need our own space.” He felt something ignite in his chest at the thought of turning the house he used to despise with all his being into a safe place for him and the girl he loved. He did feel anxious about it, but the mere possibility of the positive outcomes overweighed the negative ones with ease.

“About time, honestly. John B and Sarah are getting on my nerves.” Kie sighed and rolled her eyes.

JJ nudged her teasingly. “I’m pretty sure we are the ones getting on their nerves.”

She let out another laugh, and JJ was convinced his heart was about to explode there and then.

“We should probably head back soon.” Kie cocked her head towards the path they came from. “You need to get some rest, big boy.”

She was the one to stand up first and pulled her with him, just like he usually did. “Let’s go enjoy sleeping in our kooky bed for one of the very last times, then.”

JJ chuckled and then winked at her flirtatiously. “I can think of some better things we can do in that bed instead of …”

He was cut off by her grabbing his face and kissing him.

JJ instinctively pulled her closer by the waist, deepening the kiss, the sound of the waves and the noises of the night fading into the background as the two of them simply stood there by the beach, speaking in tongues, and nothing seemed to matter right now except being close to each other. Even though they’d shared hundreds of kisses in the past months, every single one still felt unique, almost like they were drowning in a blissful kind of way.

He loved her more than life itself.

JJ had never been this sure of anything in his life before. Kiara Carrera was the one for him. She was the only person keeping him sane and on steady ground when he felt like losing control.

And he knew, with all his heart, without a single doubt, that she would always be the one filling up the empty spaces whenever he fell apart.

. . .