Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“We won't let you out until you fix your relationship!”. The door slammed closed, and then it was locked.

At that moment Tobio knew he was screwed. If he were to be completely honest, there had been numerous occasions lately in which he felt his blood grow cold, just like the sweat on his forehead – and it wasn't because of a demanding session of volleyball practice. 

Somehow, though, he could tell this time was different. Maybe it was the startled, confused expression on Hinata's face. Or maybe it was the one on his own face. There were no mirrors in the club room, but he knew himself just enough to realize that the panic he was experiencing was clearly visible in his wide eyes and thinned lips. If only he could've never realized that thing– 

“What are they talking about?”, Shouyou asked, always the brave one between the two of them. Which (if one were to really think about it) also meant that if Hinata saw him as something different than a rival or... or a friend, he would've told him. 

This situation was so fucked up and ridiculous that Tobio really wanted to laugh. He tried to control himself though, not wanting to make this even weirder than it already was, but only managed to repress it to a chuckle–which ironically was an even weirder reaction, totally unfit for his standard cold, angry self. 

Hinata noticed, and his eyes went even wider. They are fucking huge, Tobio marvelled to himself, how can they even fit in that small, tiny face?

But it really wasn't the time to dwell on that, so he shook his head to clear it from unwanted thoughts and backed towards the wall, in need of some support. 

With his arms crossed and his expression scolded into what he hoped could've been mistaken for boredom, Tobio went with something easy. “How would I know? I guess they think we– umm”, it was getting harder to keep his voice in check, “I guess they think we fought or something?”

“Ah." That was Hinata's answer, and as the seconds passed, Tobio realized that he was going to leave it at that. But it seemed like he was thinking hard, with his eyes narrowed and a finger on his lips.

Even so, it meant that the ball (just the figurative one) was in Hinata's court. Their court? It was a mess. Tobio sighed and tried to ignore Hinata's stare on his back as he approached the door like a panicked, caged animal. He did hear the key turning and locking it, but – you never know, right? Maybe they were bluffing. 

“For fuck's sake..." okay, they were not bluffing, "Dammit!”

He backed off, sliding down the lockers until he was sitting on the ground, his head hidden between his hands, his elbows on his knees. 

“We didn't fight, though”, Hinata said, eventually. That was clearly the product of fine quality thinking. Then a thought: Hinata’s voice sounded closer than Tobio expected, so he automatically looked up and found himself a few inches away from his best friend's nose. So Tobio–well, he blushed. Of all the things he could've done... he blushed, and then cleared his throat again, because apparently whenever this sparkling, orange imp was involved he couldn't act like his normal and unpleasant self. 

“No, of course we didn't, that's why I said that they think we fought”, Tobio said, finally managing to get some venom into his words. It didn’t matter that he was actually mad at his stupid body for always embarrassing him.

“Well, honestly you were kind of weird, lately”, said Hinata, matter-of-factly. Surprisingly, he wasn't wrong. “Especially around me, I mean.”

Oh God please, please kill me now, Tobio thought, and then prepared himself for the ultimate plan: deny, deny until it all goes back to fucking normal. “I don't know what you're talking about, I've been tossing to you as usual," he said. Very smooth, he complimented himself, the annoyed undertone came out just perfect this time!

“Yeah, but I wasn't talking about practice.” Hinata sat next to him while talking and his arm brushed against Tobio's. He turned his big, brown eyes towards him and swallowed, clearly uncomfortable with getting out whatever he wanted to get out. Tobio really wanted to look elsewhere, but he could swear he saw some golden nuances in Hinata's eyes and he just had to make sure–

“I mean, you're also weird during practice at times, but not about volleyball stuff. It's like..." Hinata kept staring intently at his face, like he was looking for something (maybe an answer?), and it was distracting, making it infinitely harder for Tobio not to combust on the spot, "...like you can't stand being close to me or something?”

Tobio snorted. “That's ridiculous, why would that be? We're team mates-”

“I know that!” yelled Hinata, and his eyebrows shot up, as if he surprised even himself with how loud that came out. Tobio was stunned.  “I know that,” he repeated, lower this time, “that's why I don't understand. Did I do something to you? I mean–” 

“You're talking nonsense,” said Tobio, his tone clipped. That wasn't a good answer, of course, just outright denying whatever Hinata clearly felt in the past few weeks. But that was all he got since he couldn't very well confess his... feelings-this weird, completely wrong need to stay close at all times, to touch…

“I'm not,” said Hinata in a low whisper, interrupting his internal, pathetic monologue. He was still staring at Tobio, but this time there was worry in his eyes. “Please, tell me? If I made you… I don't know, if I made you uncomfortable in some way, I swear I'm going to do better, I'm sure we can fix it–”

A knock on the door put a stop to his ramblings. 

“Are you idiots making any progress?” asked a voice just outside the very locked door of the club room. Tsukushima's tone was incredibly pissed off, which Tobio found so very fun since this was all his fault. And Yamaguchi’s. And possibly Kaito Sasaki's, because the new first year's main goal in life seemed to be making sure to meddle with everyone he ever met, planting bombs here and there and waiting for the sparkling explosions.

As a matter of fact, it was Sasaki's words, a few weeks prior, that made Tobio realize his feelings–or whatever they were. The green-eyed, brown-haired first year wasn't the best at volleyball, but he was incredibly perceptive. Too perceptive for his own good, really. He seemed to have an “aura” that encompassed whoever surrounded him and allowed him to dissect and understand whatever was inside them. Basically, Sasaki read people like books.

He reminded Tobio of Sugawara, minus the kindness his senpai always showed when realizing someone might have a hard time dealing with whatever was bothering them. The difference between the two was exactly that: Sasaki kept poking and poking until the “problem” was solved (or the bomb exploded, which in some twisted kind of way also solved the problem), while Sugawara knew when it was best to wait, support from a distance and give space. 

“Kageyama-kuuuun?” Tobio sighed, because that was 100% Sasaki’s chirpy voice. Before he could tell–or, well, yell at his teammates to unlock the freaking door and let them out, Hinata moved and kneeled in front of it, his eyes lit up with determination. Thing is, that determination scared the shit out of Tobio, because he knew it meant that whatever was happening... Hinata was going to get to the bottom of it. One way or another.

“Uhm, Tsukishima, progress on what?” Hinata asked. 

A groan left Tsukishima's mouth then, so it was Sasaki who answered the question.

“Look, Hinata, there is clearly some… let's say unresolved tension between you and Kageyama-kun, I'm sure you noticed, too,” Hinata nodded at the door without realizing that they couldn't really see him, so Tobio thought it cute and then proceeded to facepalm himself, “So me, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi talked it out and decided it was time to... well, to solve it, I guess? It's your last year in high school, you see, and you two will soon go your separate ways–”

Tobio felt like there was no air in the room anymore and audibly gasped at that. Sasaki somehow heard it too and stopped talking, while Hinata suddenly turned his head towards him, so quickly he probably gave himself whiplash. For a few seconds there was only silence–and Tobio's hard breathing. 

They can probably hear my heart thumping as well, he thought, and that only made it beat faster. 

The tension must’ve leaked outside. “Just-just talk. We'll come back later,” Sasaki said quickly and then Tobio could hear the sound of their steps, the two (three?) of them walking away from the still locked door. 

Hinata hadn't moved yet. He was still very much staring, his eyes still very much wide. Honestly, Tobio wasn't doing any better, but then again he was the one who liked his best friend in a totally inappropriate way, so he thought he was justified. What excuse did he have?

Then everything changed with a few words–just like when Sasaki said those words to him, that Friday of a few weeks ago. “I don't want us to go our separate ways,” Hinata murmured. His eyes were glossy now, and Tobio only had a second to realize that before they were lowered to the floor. 

Tobio really wanted to say something like “me neither” or “I won't let it happen”, or “why would you think I'd let you leave me?”–but he had the biggest lump in his throat and nothing seemed to be able to get out, or in. Not even air. Was he going to die in a stinky club room, sitting on the floor in front of Hinata, caged in by fucking Tsukushima, Sasaki and probably Yamaguchi?

“I don't-” Hinata talked again, his voice shaking and his eyes hidden by orange strands of hair, “I don't know about you-well, I do know you don't really need me to be special since you're this genius, brilliant setter that everyone can't help but admire,” a small, nervous chuckle escaped his lips at this, “but I guess... I do? I do need you, I mean... not only because your tosses are the best–even though they are! But also because for–for some reason I always thought we would be playing volleyball together for ever since, uh, it just feels right to me, and I don't think I can–”

Hinata Shouyou was the bravest one of the two, of course, but Tobio moved, then, because he couldn't very well let him win like this. And maybe it was the challenge that pushed him, or maybe it was the words he didn't even know he needed to hear, or maybe it was just the longing in his heart, or maybe the panic in Hinata's tone–whatever it was, Tobio closed the space between them in a matter of seconds and grabbed Hinata’s shirt, pulling it slightly. 

When Hinata raised his eyes and freaking looked at his soul–Tobio felt something crack inside him. 

“We won't, okay? Don't–” Tobio sighed, and he knew he was making a mistake, that he should fucking shut up, but couldn't really bear to see him crumble in front of him, because of him. “Don't worry, I–I got you. I'll always toss to you, I got you, Shouyou. We're not–um, we're not going our separate ways or whatever the fuck, there's still a full year before high school is over, we're going to train and we're going to get scouted and  play together in some fucking A class team–”

He was rambling. That was so weird. He could see it in Hinata's eyes, too. But he didn't know how to stop. Maybe he needed a slap? Was he stuck? Maybe there was a bug in his system? 

“...and you're going to jump even fucking higher, do you hear me? The other players are going to be just tiny dots from up there and-” and then Hinata threw his arms around his shoulders and started... shaking. Tobio's hand was still grabbing the shirt, now trapped between their chests. Not like he really cared when Hinata's cheek was flush against his, strands of orange hair tickling his face, and all he could smell was his sweet, fruity shampoo. 

“What–” Tobio heard himself say, even though he didn't even think about speaking, and then he got anxious about the still shaking, tiny body against his “Are–are you crying?”

A laugh erupted from Hinata, “Oh my God, no, it was just too–too funny, I don't think you've ever said so many words, Kageyama.” More laugh, much more laugh, and then he backed up a little from Tobio, leaving him weirdly cold–and very hot at the same time, even the tip of his ears coloured a deep red. 

“Stop laughing!” cried Tobio, hoping his embarrassed tone could be mistaken for an upset one. “I said stop!” He did say that, but Hinata didn't stop, he just kept laughing, howling, and then he fell backwards, his arms against his stomach and his eyes closed, tears falling down rosy cheeks. 

Since Tobio was clearly and completely out of his mind, he thought that the only way to make him actually stop would require a firm, somewhat violent approach, so he sat on his friend's lap, his knees touching Hinata's sides, trapped his wrists up above his head and glared down at him. 

To be honest, it worked. Hinata stopped laughing abruptly and looked at him, still teary-eyed, but with a stunned expression. At that moment, Tobio realized his huge mistake and immediately removed himself–well, no. He wanted to immediately remove himself but was petrified instead and couldn’t do anything but blink. 

Hinata blinked back, his mouth slightly open and his cheeks rosier than usual. He squirmed a bit underneath him and tried to free his hands. He didn’t succeed in the slightest and that made alarm creep into his eyes and his tone as he cleared his throat and said “Kageyama?”

Tobio released his wrists but remained on his lap. He turned his head towards the door, wishing for the earth to open and swallow him whole, unsure about what to do and what to say. He needed a quick fix for this disaster, and his mind was blank. 

Hinata got up on his elbows and tilted his head slightly, as if he was studying Kageyama, trying to understand the situation. “You are tomato-red,” was his conclusion. 

“Well, duh? You made me angry!” said Tobio, finally getting up. He crossed his arms on his chest and looked at the still locked door. Hinata's stare was still on him, though, and he could feel it. Why was it so freaking hot in this room?

“You're always angry,” Hinata pointed out, after a few seconds. 

“Yeah because you always find new ways to make me angr-”

“But you're not always so red,” interrupted Hinata.

“This is a nightmare,” Tobio thought, and then briefly entertained the idea of punching himself to be sure to wake up, or maybe smash his head against the door? “What do you want me to say? I guess it depends on the kind of anger? Maybe its intensity?”

Hinata chuckled and got up as well, patting his clothes to clean them from the dust. “You're such a weird guy, Kageyama," he looked at Tobio, and then grinned, "but you're fun.”

Tobio scoffed but didn't answer. 

“Are you going to tell me why you are weird lately? Is it…” Hinata put a finger on his lower lip, his eyes a bit distant, as if he was really trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for whatever happened in the last few weeks, “Do you maybe just need more space? Do we spend too much time together?”

“Yes!” Tobio answered at once, so fucking grateful for finding a way out of the mess without having to suffer any further. And he didn't even have to come up with it, Hinata did all the work! 

“I'm–I mean, you know I'm not a people person… it's not like you are the problem here...” Tobio distantly thought that it seemed like a traditional it's-not-you-it's-me break up talk. Then shoved that thought as far away from his conscience as possible.  

Hinata's shoulders dropped a bit. “Yeah, I guess.”

“But we can… we can still hang out, you know, just–I don't know, from time to time I might need some space, some time alone.” Tobio added quickly, for some reason feeling... guilty?

“Okay.” said Hinata, simply. He wasn't looking at Kageyama anymore, his eyes lost somewhere between the door and the lockers. “Well," he added after a few seconds of very uncomfortable silence, "do you think we can ask Tsukishima and Sasaki to let us out? They wanted us to talk and we-I guess we did?”

Tobio nodded and got his phone out of the pocket to send Sasaki a text: “COME FUCKING UNLOCK THE DOOR YOU ASSHOLE”. Brief but effective, Tobio thought, still a bit afraid to hope that this whole disaster was actually coming to an end. 

“'Yama?” called Hinata, his voice uncharacteristically soft. 

“Mh?”

“Thank you.”

Tobio frowned. “For what?”

“For all the nice things you said to me before.” Hinata grinned, the room instantly a billion times brighter. Tobio wanted to die again: he had almost forgotten his embarrassing monologue. 

He cleared his throat and scratched his neck, embarrassed, “Ah, yeah, well, I'm not even sure what it is that I said but I guess you're wel–”

The sound of the door unlocking interrupted his pathetic answer and after a second Sasaki's head popped in. “You alright in here? Ready to tackle the world together, hand in hand?”

Tobio choked on his saliva. Since he was indisposed, it was Hinata who answered. “We're alright," he smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile, "I'm just gonna pester him less and it'll be fine.”

Sasaki banged the door open and glared at Kageyama. Tobio smirked back and went to leave the club room, fucking finally. Before the first year could do or say anything else, he ducked under his arm, nodded at Hinata and started running towards the bike rack. He pushed down the impulse of waiting for his friend, as usual, then felt terrible about it... and went home. 

Chapter Text

Tobio was laying on his bed, one hand's grip too tight on his phone. The trip back home was a blur: he barely remembered getting on his bike, or turning into his street, or opening the door to the house. His mum must've been in the kitchen by that time, but he had no memory of saying “hi”, seeing her or hearing her voice.

Something was messing with his head, and he had a pretty good idea about what that “something” was, but couldn't bring himself to delve into it properly. Behind his closed eyes he could see a faint, discoloured image, a sad smile and brown, wide eyes – hidden behind strands of bright orange hair. Every second spent looking at that made his heart ache a bit more, but he didn't have it in him to give it up. He already gave up too much. “More space...” Tobio whispered without really meaning to. His lips curled around the word “space”, as if trying to get some hidden meaning behind it.

It was quite clear, though, no hidden meaning: Tobio was going to spend less time with Hinata, who was going to generally pester him less, as the boy put it. Sure, Hinata could be annoying and often ended up upsetting him for one reason or another. That wasn't new. But-  but I like it. He had known for a while. Even before Sasaki's words... Tobio was aware of the way his relationship with Hinata had changed during the years. They were friends and enjoyed each other's company, even with the fighting and the bickering – or maybe because of that. It was just another way to communicate, for them, like playing volleyball.

Realizing his feelingsfor Hinata, a few weeks before, had been like lifting a a huge weight from his shoulders, one he didn't even know he was carrying. At first, it felt amazing. His whole body seemed to be made of air and he distantly thought that he could've jumped higher than usual, maybe even float. Yeah, it was like floating above the ground. But that also meant that he was now terribly aware of every way in which his body and his mind adjusted to Hinata's presence... and that was when the realization turned into a nightmare.

It dawned on him in three different occasions, all of them happening the same day of his epiphany. The first time was during practice. They were playing a 3 versus 3: Tsukishima, Kobayashi and Sasaki against Kageyama, Hinata and Amano. Nothing was out of the ordinary: it was the set point for their team and he tossed an impossible ball which obviously wasn't impossible to Hinata, who spiked it perfectly and scored. Instantly, Tobio had felt his body turn towards the tiny, grinning redhead and his own lips stretch into a smile. “Kageyamaaa! That was so cool!” The next thing he felt were Hinata's legs tight around his waist while Tobio's hands were gripping his thighs so that the imp wouldn't fall flat on his back.

That had already happened hundreds of times. All of their teammates were looking at them, but not in a weird way: Tsukishima was clearly angry about losing, Amano was clapping his hands and cheering, Kobayashi was glaring as usual and Sasaski... Well. Sasaki had a fond undertone in his eyes, but that was just because he was the only one knowing about Tobio's feelings. The only one who noticed how fucking different things were was Tobio, because at that moment he wasn't just celebrating a victory like all the other times, no, he was painfully aware of every part of his skin touching Hinata's and that thought occupied 100% of his being and made him happy, hot, desperate, full of energy, cold and exhausted... all at the same time. So... he had dropped Hinata, ran to the bathroom and remained there, panting, his hands closed in a fist, for a few minutes.

An intense feeling of guilt had enveloped him. I'm such a bad... terrible friend, having feelings that are not supposed to be there and forcing them on someone who doesn't even know – who doesn't even imagine – and taking advantage of a situation that was supposed to be normal... and twisting it into something entirely... wrong.

The second and third time happened shortly afterwards. Sasaki was the one finding him in that bathroom, getting him out without a word and coming up with an excuse for his behaviour (something about overexertion, not feeling very well and needing some time to rest before going back to the gym). So Tobio was sitting on a bench beside the vending machine, breathing in, breathing out. His blank stare was on the ground, but his ears picked the approaching steps.

“'Yama? You okay?” Hinata sat next to him, their knees touching.

Tobio stopped breathing- then nodded, slowly. They were silent for a while. It could've been 10 seconds or a few minutes, he wasn't really sure.

“Did you get hurt?” asked Tobio, even though he knew Hinata was fine because if not then Sasaki would have immediately told him.

“Of course.” A chuckle, and when he relaxed against the bench there was still a grin on his face. “I landed on my butt and I'm so used to falling that I barely felt it.”

Tobio nodded again and went back to looking at the floor, unable to sustain his gaze. Hinata's presence was overwhelming, now. Whenever he was close, that was all he could perceive. He could hear his breathing, his every movement. He felt his stare on the back of the head, and the warmness coming off his body.

“Need some medicine or- I don't know, something to drink? Do you think you can drink milk or do you feel pukey?” Hinata got up while talking, approaching the vending machine. Tobio forced himself to look up and shake his head: “I said I'm fine.”

“Well, I mean – Hinata put the coins in and pressed the numbers – If you're fine then you can drink something.” He picked the milk, got closer, took his hand and put the small cartoon in it. Tobio's heart stopped and his mouth opened slightly, the feeling of Hinata's fingers still there.

Hinata was studying him with a concerned look. Then he sat again. “Maybe you need to lay down for a bit, your face is so red... here – he patted his legs and Tobio's brain short-circuited – put your head here, I'll be your pillow.”

“I don't think-”

“Oh come on, just rest for a minute so we can go back to training.”

Tobio swallowed. He distantly realized his mouth was still slightly open, and he could feel the redness on his cheeks and his neck. It seemed like Hinata was trying to kill him. He didn't like being physically close to people, he never did, even as a child. Maybe it was because his parents were not very touchy, especially his father, or maybe it was just who he was. But with Hinata it had always been different: Tobio often grabbed him, patted him, hit him, grabbed his hair... But this felt- more intimate? It wasn't something they ever did-

Hinata huffed. “Please?”

“Absolutely not, how would that even help me? And besides I really am fine, I told you” Tobio tried to sound annoyed rather than flustered, but he wasn't sure he had succeeded. Hinata glanced at him, thoughtful, then admitted “I really don't know, Sasaki suggested that – I guess you need to lay down a bit, and I would be more comfortable than a bench?”

Tobio's lips turned upwards, only slightly. “I really don't think so. You're so scrawny I'd probably get stabbed by your hipbone.”

“What- how-” Hinata glared at him, offended, “I am not scrawny, just- just-” but he didn't seem to know how to end that sentence, and Tobio's smile – more like a smirk – got brighter.

Hinata cleared his throat, still pouting, “You are so wrong, Natsu loves sleeping on my lap.”

“Well yeah but that's just because Natsu loves you-” Tobio froze. He had just managed to stop the blushing and there he was again, tomato-red. He turned the other way, hiding his pained expression from Hinata.

“You're not wrong about that.” Hinata shrugged. If he noticed that something was very wrong with him, he didn't tell. “But we're best friends so you love me, too, right?”

Tobio's head turned so fucking fast it hurt. “What?” The question came out barely louder than a breath and Hinata had the decency to look embarrassed.

“What what? Are we not friends? I mean, also rivals, of course, and teammates, but I kinda took it for granted that after all this time... that we... that we're friends? And friends are like family, you know, there's gotta be some love? It's not like you call someone a “friend” if you just met the guy-” Hinata was rambling, and Tobio's eyes were going wider and wider, and he really needed a way to stop him from talking...

“Okay, fine, as long as you shut up.” Tobio huffed, layed on his side and put his head on Hinata's lap. Like this, his very flushed face was hidden from Hinata, which was good, but then again he was very disappointed by the fact that a hipbone didn't stab him to death, which meant that Tobio now had to keep existing after this extremely embarrassing moment... somehow. Also, he was... so fucking comfortable. “Happy?” he breathed.

Hinata swallowed and then, after a few seconds, he hummed. They didn't say a word, after that. Tobio was pretty sure they got up a little more than ten minutes later, but in his mind it had seemed like a lifetime. He was lulled by Hinata's slightly accelerated heartbeat – the situation must have been weird for him, too – and breathing. He could actually feel Hinata's breath on the side of his face whenever he exhaled. At one point Sasaki approached to drag them back to the gym and Tobio quickly sat up, swaying a bit.

So now... now Tobio was laying on his bed, his grip too tight on his phone, and those three moments – Hinata's legs around his waist, Hinata's fingers on his hand, Hinata's breathing on his face – were replaying in his head. It was 8:34 pm, and Tobio knew because he had been checking the time every 30 seconds or so for about half an hour. The thing was... two of them had picked up a habit, during the last year, and it was quite a silly one, but Tobio really... he liked it: Hinata would text him something stupid - “Kageyama wyd I bet you're gonna fail the test tmw” - and then they'd chat for an hour or so, until one of them fell asleep. They did that every single night, and it was always Hinata texting first – but not today. Today... there was no text.

Tobio thought it could happen, but still hoped he was wrong. So he had been checking his phone since 8. Now that he knew the text wasn't going to arrive, though, he wasn't sure what to do. A very annoying part of him just wanted to text Hinata, while the other part of him was trying to convince him not to by replaying the moment he ended up asking for “space”. The need to not fuck up his friendship with Hinata by acting like a needy idiot won – just barely – so he ended up texting Sasaki.

8:35 [Kageyama]: I hope u know I hate u

8:35 [Sasaki]: Why do u hate me if u fucked up

Tobio read the text two times, then put the phone down on the bed and focused on breathing. Then picked it up again, his anger still boiling.

8:37 [Kageyama]: It was your idea to lock us in the club room u fuck how is this on me

8:38 [Sasaki]: Do u really want me to spell it out for you? Truth hurts u know

Tobio growled.

8:38 [Kageyama]: I've been telling u to mind ur own fuckin business for months

8:38 [Kageyama]: and yet u had to mingle and make everything worse

8:39 [Kageyama]: there's truth for u, hope it hurts

He put his phone away and got under the blankets. Tobio didn't really want to read Sasaki's answer, at the moment, he had just wanted to blow off some steam and let the guy know he should at least feel somewhat responsible for fucking up his life. The phone ringed a couple minutes later, and Tobio realized it wasn't silence – he had turned the ringer back on in case Hinata texted him.

“Fuck.” he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. Maybe he was making this worse than it really was. Yeah, he liked his best friend and had a hard time acting like his usual self around Hinata, but that could change, right? He just needed some time to adjust, suppress hisfeelings and forget all about it, and asking for “space” was actually a good move in that direction. He was going to be a...a bit sad about it for a while, but as soon as he got a grip on his stupid body and mind everything was going to be back to normal. Yeah, I can do it, he thought.

His phone ringed again and his hands instantly moved to grab it, his eyes scanning the notifications.

8:45 [Hinata]: SORRY I KNOW I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO ANNOY U THIS MUCH BUT THIS IS TOO FUNNY SO PLS WATCH IT WHEN U CAN NO NEED TO HURRY

There was a link attached. When Tobio went to click it – he was ignoring his heart beating furiously in his chest – the phone sounded again... and again.

8:46 [Hinata]: Also should I wait for u at the school gate tmw or not idk

8:46 [Hinata]: Just checkin

Now, that was a good question indeed. On one hand, Tobio wanted to say “YES OF FUCKING COURSE”, while on the other hand...

8:47 [Kageyama]: Ye I guess

Tobio threw the phone on the bedsheet and covered his face with his arm, sighing loudly. He couldn't be trusted to make good decisions when Hinata was involved, clearly. Maybe he needed an advisor, someone who could tell him what to do or say or text in order to have his crush disappear as soon as possible. The problem was that Tobio had no intention of telling anyone about this – he really didn't trust anyone with this kind of secret. That restricted the choice to exactly one person, Sasaki Kaito, who incidentally was also the person who really didn't want to help Tobio forget his feelings, but was set on the “confess everything to him” talk instead.

His phone kept ringing and Tobio picked it up with trembling hands.

8:50 [Hinata]: Ah good ok then see u then

8:50 [Hinata]: night yama

8:50 [Hinata]: ...I bet u r gonna slip and fall while racing to the gym tmw

Tobio didn't answer, but kept his eyes on those three texts for a long, long time. He felt a lump in his throat and it was getting harder to breath, so he switched to Sasaki's chat.

8:40 [Sasaki]: You are such a drama queen Kageyama-kun

8:40 [Sasaki]: Everything's gonna be fine

Of course. Sasaki was so used to meddle with other people's lives that insulting him for it didn't really phase him anymore. Tobio sat up un the bed and looked at the screen for a bit, his face scrunched up in a pained, thoughtful expression. “Oh, fuck it.” He pressed the send button. 

8:55 [Kageyama]: I got something to tell u let's talk tmw

Chapter Text

The next morning Tobio did, in fact, slip and fall while racing Hinata to the gym. Maybe it was the universe's way of punishing him for being a terrible person (and friend), or maybe – but he quickly discarded this option – it was because he was looking at Hinata rather than watching his steps. 

Whatever the reason (certainly the fatalist one), Tobio could only thank the years spent playing volleyball for not hitting his face hard on the ground and being able to roll and go back to running instead. 

Despite the incredible recovery (that no one was there to see), he still lost, which is why he was now throwing daggers at the ground, panting, with his scratched hands on his knees. In front of him there was a bouncy, extremely satisfied Hinata, and for a second it seemed like yesterday never happened.

“YES!” Hinata yelled, jumping around. “You're really out of shape Yamayama. Did you even sleep last night?”

Tobio grunted, not wanting to explain why he didn’t and ended up spending hours looking at the ceiling instead. He stood straight, stretching his arms up high to loosen his muscles a bit. Hinata was looking at him, and he could feel it. “What is it?”

“Mm–” Hinata swallowed and turned towards the gym, his demeanor turning suddenly quiet, almost shy, “We should go change.”

That was weird, but Tobio let it go and started walking towards the clubroom beside him. They found it open already, which was unusual since nobody was there this early except the two of them.

“Ah! The wonder twins!” Sasaki smiled at them from inside. He was sitting on the ground, tying his shoes, his uniform already on. Tobio narrowed his eyes at the guy, and that was all the acknowledgement he felt like giving him at the moment. Without a word, he went to his locker and started changing. 

“Sasaki-chan good morning!” Hinata grinned, “You're here early to practice tosses?”

Sasaki shook his head, “Nah, I gotta talk to this guy” he said, pointing his thumb back at Kageyama. Tobio froze. He thought it was obvious that the “talk” was supposed to be a private matter, but apparently the idiot could not understand the word “private” at all. He heard himself growl and turned towards the first year to yell at him or something, but caught Hinata's confused expression instead. 

“Ah? About what?” Hinata asked, but his “casual” tone seemed off. 

“Volleyball” said Tobio. 

“Love problems” said Sasaki at the same time. 

Hinata's eyes went impossibly wide and Tobio distantly realized that his did, too. 

“What the hell Sasaki, I don't have love problems-” he screeched, but Sasaki got up and just grinned, his green eyes filled with mirth, “I do not.” repeated Tobio while grabbing him by the shirt, then dragged him outside while muttering to a completely still Hinata that it was  indeed  volleyball stuff and they'd join him in the gym in a few minutes. 

When they reached a corner that was secluded enough, Tobio let go of Sasaki and glared at him with animosity, hoping it would be enough to make him understand how angry he was… but Sasaki kept smiling like he didn't have a care in the world and then said, matter-of-factly, “You are so bad at this.”

“I know.” Tobio was seething, “And you're not helping.”

“But I am!” Sasaki stifled a chuckle, “You can't see it yet, but I promise you-”

“No” he whispered, closing the distance and towering over him. “You don't understand. I am trying so hard to not fuck up my future, and Hinata's, and our friendship and you just keep making everything so difficult–”

“Look, Kageyama-kun...” Sasaki interrupted him, not at all scared by Tobio's menacing attitude. “I get that you're terrified and you don't know what to do about your feelings, but believe me when I tell you that suppressing them is not the answer-”

Tobio saw red. Before he could realize his actions, he had grabbed Sasaki's shirt again and pushed him against the wall, their noses almost touching. His breath came uneven, his heart beating wildly in his chest. “You have  no idea  what you’re talking about, what my  feelings  are or what I’m scared about. I don't want your advice, your wisdom, or your opinion-”

“What's happening here?” 

Both Tobio and Sasaki startled and turned toward Tsukishima's voice. His face was expressionless, his hands in his pockets. To most people it must've looked like he was bored, but after years of reading his face during matches and training sessions Tobio knew what his tells were and the tight jaw was definitely a sign that Tsukishima was quite alarmed. 

That information was completely forgotten the moment Tobio realized Tsukishima wasn't the only one there. Hinata was standing a couple steps behind. 

Tobio instantly filled with unease and released Sasaki, his arms now loose at his sides and his eyes locked on Hinata– who was staring back, baffled and clearly distressed. 

“Ah- nothing!” Sasaki was the first to find his voice, even though it sounded higher than usual and not at all steady. “It's fine, really, just volleyball stuff we don't agree on and things got a bit... well, a bit out of hand!”

“Tch.” Tsukishima looked down at Tobio without hiding his disapproval, clearly aware that those were lies. “That's not how a Captain should treat his teammates now, is it?”

Tobio took a step back and forced himself to tear his gaze from Hinata's frozen figure, even though he could still clearly see it as if it was engraved in his brain. 

“Yeah, I got carried away.” He turned to Sasaki. “It won't happen again.” His tone was clipped.

“It's fine,” Sasaki said, then turned to Tsukishima. “You can go, we've got this.”

It didn't seem like Tsukishima wanted to move at all, but something in Sasaki's expression must have convinced him. “Come on” he said to Hinata, grabbing his arm, and Tobio huffed. 

Hinata's stare lingered on him and Sasaki and it seemed... broken, somehow. For a second Tobio thought he was going to say something, but then he blinked, looked at Tsukishima's hand on him and nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Practice starts in ten, you better be there before then.” Tsukishima said while walking away and Tobio followed the two figures – eyes fixed on that hand, still on Hinata's arm – until they disappeared around the corner. 

“That went well.” Sasaki sighed and Tobio turned back towards him. Even though he really didn't like Sasaki at the moment, or in general, he knew he had gone too far and he was already feeling the familiar pressure of guilt weighing him down. 

“Look I didn't want-” he started, not really sure where this was going.

“Yeah, I know, you're sorry, but we all know you can't actually pronounce those words so let's just forget it,” said Sasaki with an all-business tone. “Now, did you actually want to talk about something or...?”

Tobio blinked a couple of times. This wasn't over but... but for the moment he was going to follow Sasaki's lead and press the pause button on the matter. 

“Ah, yeah, I–” He started, but realized he had no idea how to approach this conversation. On top of that, whatever just happened made it even harder. “I wanted your help, but you keep being a dick about this fucked up situation so I don't think I want it anymore.”

Sasaki's eyes lit up at the word “help”. “You want  my  help?”

“ Wanted  your help” Tobio corrected. 

“No no, I promise I'm gonna be good, tell me everything, what kind of help are we talking about? Do you want advice on how to plan a date? I have so many good ideas for you two–”

Tobio glared at him and he shut up. “I'll tell you if you promise to do exactly as I ask. You can say no, of course, and we can just pretend this conversation never happened so I can think of someone else to help me, I already have a couple names in mind–”

“Alright, alright, let's not go there yet” Sasaki said, slightly worried, “What should I promise? I can do it.”

“No” said Tobio, a devious smirk lifting his lips. “Maybe I didn't make myself clear. You promise you'll do whatever I tell you, and then I explain what this is about.”

Sasaki paled. “Uh.” 

A few seconds passed, then he sighed and gave up. “Okay, I promise I'll do whatever you tell me to.” 

He didn't sound sure, exactly... but that was enough for Tobio. “Good. So, I asked Hinata for some space yesterday, in the club room-”

“YOU WHA-?”

Tobio's hand was on Sasaki's mouth in a second. “The first thing I want you to do is calm the fuck down so that your howling doesn't drawn unwanted attention” he said, his voice low and threatening. “Are we clear? Can I move my hand?”

Sasaki nodded and Tobio slowly withdrew the hand, keeping it close enough for a few seconds just to make sure. Then he kept explaining what happened the day before, getting a wicked pleasure from Sasaki's bewildered expressions: clearly that wasn’t what he had thought would happen after locking him and Hinata in that room. 

It didn't take Tobio more than a minute to go through the whole story and as soon as he finished he braced himself for the unwanted commentary he was sure to get…

“I- I don't–” …but Sasaki didn't seem capable of articulating words anymore. 

Maybe I finally managed to break him, he thought, but his hopes were crushed soon enough. Sasaki closed his eyes, took a deep breath to collect himself and then looked at him, his green eyes somehow... darker. 

“Kageyama Tobio, you are the worst. You could have everything you want, and yet you always manage to sabotage yourself without even realizing it. Now, I know myself quite well and while I’ll admit that I'm often pushy, annoying, loud, inconsiderate... I am hardly ever angry. Well – he smiled, but it wasn't the usual airy smile, light as a spring breeze, no, it was wicked and tight – you managed to  anger me . And yes, I will honor my promise, because that's what any proper person would do, but–” Sasaki's look turned into a glare and Tobio felt the hair on the back of his head rise as if he was in some kind of peril. “-but the time will come for me to do something about this rage.”

Tobio swallowed and Sasaki's smile got wider – and more wicked. 

Then, suddenly, he turned back to his usual, breezy self. “Not today, though. Today I’ll help you the way you want me to, which I'm  sure  I'll hate.”

This change in Sasaki made him waver a bit. Should he go through with it? Well, he had know it was not going to be easy, but Tobio was used to things – and people – not being easy, so–   fuck it . “I want you to keep me away from Hinata so that I can move on from these... feelings. As soon as that happens, I’m sure things will go back to normal between us.”

There. It was out. Tobio felt better just saying it. And then... then a wave of pain crushed him and he felt terrible, so terrible that he started opening his mouth to take it back–

But Sasaki turned his back on him, put both his hands on the wall and hung his head between his arms, and that distracted Tobio enough to get back control over his body and shut his mouth. 

A few seconds passed, and Saski didn’t move or say anything. Tobio’s heart was beating wildly in his chest, partially because he really disliked his own plan and partially because they really needed to end this conversation and go back to the gym lest someone else from their team decided to show up.  

Tobio couldn’t really wait any longer, so he moved to put his hands on Sasaki’s shoulders – maybe to violently shake him out of this trance – but before he could even touch him he spoke. “Okay, Kageyama-kun,” his voice was cheerful now, but in the  wrong  way. He tilted his head back to look at Tobio. “I will keep you away from Hinata-kun, but you didn’t specify  how , so…”

Tobio gulped. “Of course I didn’t, I don’t know how to do it and I don’t want to hurt him–”

“Ah! You don’t want to  hurt him ,” Sasaki repeated, and now he sounded almost maniacal, “I see. Well, let me tell you how this will work - he smiled viciously and Tobio took an actual step back. - Since you cannot possibly be close to Hinata-kun because of your totally one-sided feelings, I’m going to take your place.”

“What–”

“Now, now, Kageyama-kun. I’m not done talking.” Sasaki turned, crossed his arms on the chest and looked up at him, his eyes sparkling green. “You of all people should understand that  everyone  loves Hinata-kun and you keeping your distance is definitely going to affect him – it already did.”

Did it?  With everything that happened today he couldn’t really tell if Hinata was affected by the change in their relationship (also, it wasn’t even a day!) or by whatever he saw going on between him and Sasaki. 

“So in order to make it easier for him to adjust and prevent anyone on the team from prodding and coming at you for Hinata-kun’s sake, I’ll be there for him at all times” Sasaki said. 

Tobio had conflicting feelings. He felt like a hurricane was wrecking his insides and the only emotion he could recognise from the confused whirlwind was  rage , a primitive rage that made his eyes unfocused and glazed. 

Sasaki must’ve realized something was wrong because he blinked and said “You don’t like this plan, Kageyama-kun?” with the softest, most innocent voice. 

But Tobio couldn’t answer. He couldn’t talk. Was he breathing? He wasn’t sure. On some level he thought it made sense that Sasaki wanted to take his place by Hinata’s side so that he could still have a  friend  to rely on, since Tobio wasn’t there for him… But– but it didn’t sit right with him. It didn’t seem fair. It wasn’t. 

“I–” he tried to voice his disapproval, but his throat was so tight nothing came out. He needed to get away from all this, from Sasaki, from the conversation, from  that thought – 

“Well it doesn’t matter if you like it or not,” Sasaki said, suddenly, but Tobio barely heard him. “Nice talk, Kageyama-kun.” He turned and started walking away, turning the corner just like Tsukishima and Hinata did a few minutes earlier. 

As soon as he was far enough, Tobio doubled over and emptied his stomach on the ground. The hurricane inside of him stopped abruptly, leaving absolutely nothing behind. He then got up, trembling a bit, and slowly moved towards the bathrooms next to the club room, praying God he wasn’t gonna meet anyone on the way. 

He was lucky, for once, and after washing his mouth and getting into his uniform, he entered the gym. His steps were controlled, his body stiff and his eyes… completely void. He barely registered the people and the voices around him. 

“Good, everyone’s here,” said Coach Ukai. “Let’s start.”

Chapter Text

Practice was going to be awful that morning. Tobio could see it clearly, even though it didn’t affect him as it should’ve. He still felt empty and although his logic told him that feeling empty was bad news, he was enjoying the distinct lack of worries, pain and discomfort.

Also, this way he could experience everything around him as if it were happening to someone else and process it objectively. For example, normal Tobio would have freaked out the moment he got into the gym just by looking at Sasaki sitting so close to Hinata, the two of them helping each other stretching. 

This special version of Tobio was different, though. His eyes only skimmed past tousled orange hair and bright green eyes as if there was nothing to see and stopped on Coach Ukai instead, who was currently telling him to find a partner and start exercising as well. 

Tobio nodded and walked to Amano, the first year that a few weeks ago was in his and Hinata’s team, helping them win the friendly match against that Tsukishima asshole. Riku Amano was pretty much Hinata’s height, but he played as a libero (which was a much more fitting role for someone so short) and his colors were darker: black hair and dark brown eyes. He was generally a very easy person to be around, not too quiet but also not as peppy as… well, as Hinata of course. 

“Kageyama-kun!” Amano moved slightly to make space for him and smiled lightly. Tobio nodded in response, mumbled a “hey” and sat on the floor, holding down the other boy’s feet by the ankles to help with the stretching. 

A couple minutes passed in silence, then they switched positions. 

Amano was looking at him, trying to be subtle about it and failing. Tobio only noticed because his “special version” (it was like a Super Saiyan Kageyama or something, he thought) was well aware of his surroundings. “Something to say?” he asked, laconic. 

“Oh.” Amano immediately lowered his eyes and his cheeks got pink. “I’m sorry, I was just wondering if– are you okay?”

“Sure. Everything’s fine.” Tobio looked around. Tsukishima was (obviously) stretching with Yamaguchi. There was some frantic whispering going on between them, and at some point Yamaguchi’s eyes snapped to his right. That movement made Tobio follow his stare to… Hinata. Sasaki’s hands were on his shoulders and their faces were quite close. Tobio didn’t understand what kind of stretching position that was, but it wasn’t really his business, was it?

“Hey,” He turned to Amano again, “Do you want to practice receiving after classes?”

Tobio needed an excuse to not walk home with Hinata and he also wanted someone to receive his floating service, so it seemed like a good idea… 

Amano seemed taken aback by the request. “Uh? With  me ? I mean, if you think I can– I mean– sure!”, he agreed eventually, blushing again.

The next hour passed uneventfully. Or, at least, that’s what it seemed to Super Sayan Tobio in his weird “zen” mode. Hinata’s eyes were on him quite often, and the whispering contest was still going on between Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. The latter sometimes glared at him, but that wasn’t new. Sasaki seemed to have taken his mission seriously and was constantly finding new reasons to approach Hinata and put his hands on him. 

At times, Tobio could feel his own hands tight into fist (for no reason whatsoever) and had to hastily release them to get into the next action. He tossed the ball to Hinata just as usual, of course, but the shrimp seemed unable to spike anything that day… and it was getting annoying. After what seemed like the umpteenth fail, Tobio snapped. 

“If you’re not going to take this seriously, then just leave.” He said, and although he didn’t yell or anything, everyone just stopped whatever they were doing and looked at him. 

Hinata slowly turned towards Tobio and tilted his head. He was panting and his hair was wet from the exercise, plastered against his forehead. “Maybe he is sick or something”, Tobio thought, “since his stamina is usually fucking legendary”. Hinata’s eyes also seemed… kind of wet, he noticed. A bit foggy. 

“Yeah,” Hinata said after a few seconds. “I think I might just do that.” Then smiled faintly at him and left the court. Sasaki was right behind him,  of course , running to his side and muttering something once he caught up. Tobio followed them with his eyes while they approached Coach Ukai. 

After a few words from Hinata and a nod from the coach, Hinata and Sasaki walked to the corridor that led to the club room.

“You are such an asshole.” Tsukishima said, now standing right behind him. Tobio hadn’t heard him move. Maybe his superpowers only worked when Hinata was around? That was a weird thought and Tobio almost laughed. Almost. 

He didn’t answer Tsukishima's taunt and just ignored the guy. “You two,” he said, pointing at a couple second year sitting on the bench, “Come cover for Hinata and Sasaki.” 

Coach Ukai looked at Tobio for a second, tension hidden behind his eyes, and then nodded his approval at the two boys, who scurried to the court. Practice started again, as if nothing happened… except for Tsukishima’s murderous glare following him at all times.

Classes were dull as usual and Tobio didn’t even try to pay attention. When the last bell rang he got his bag and left the class, walking down the corridor to get to the gym. He reached the stairs and caught a flash of orange with the corner of his eyes. He stopped with his foot on the first step and turned his head.

A couple meters away Hinata had his back on the wall, next to his classroom’s door, with one hand in his pocket and the other clutching his phone. He was looking at the screen, nodding at something that Sasaki – standing in front of him – was saying. A chuckle escaped Hinata’s lips, and he raised his eyes to meet Sasaki’s for a moment. 

Tobio didn’t realize he was still staring until someone cleared his throat next to him. He turned towards Yamaguchi with a confused expression. 

“You should apologize to him.” 

Tobio frowned. “What?”

“You heard me.” He sighed. “You were a jerk this morning, for no reason.”

“He wasn’t–” He took a deep breath and stepped down the stairs. “He couldn’t play in that state and was just wasting my time and the team’s–”

Yamaguchi followed him and walked to his side. “That was also your fault.”

“ My  fault? Why is everything my fault lately?” Tobio’s tone was exasperated. “I’m not responsible for everyone’s feelings.”

“Of course you’re not,” Yamaguchi agreed, “But you are responsible for your own feelings and when they end up hurting your best friend then you should get your shit together and do something about it.”

They were outside, now. The gym was on the right, and Tobio just wanted to sprint there and practice with Amano as per his plans. He wanted to play volleyball and forget about everything else. But Yamaguchi never said “shit” and that unsettled him… so he stopped walking and sighed. 

Tobio brought a hand to his eyes, pushing on them to try and clear his head. “He’s gonna be fine. I don’t know why everyone thinks that Hinata is made of fucking glass, but just because he’s small it doesn’t mean that he can’t fight for himself.”

His words sounded only slightly annoyed at first, but by the end of the sentence there was actual rage in them. Tobio felt like his superpowers were fading, and his heart was beating fast in his chest. He could sense the pain and the frustration coming back in waves, drowning him. 

“He’s actually one of the strongest people I know – he continued, his voice strained  – and if everyone would just fucking stop meddling and start minding their own fucking business–”

Yamaguchi put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Tobio stopped talking but didn’t move. He just kept breathing… unevenly. 

“Kageyama, listen to me, please.” His tone was gentle now. He waited a few seconds for Tobio’s response, and when it was clear that nothing was coming he just went on. “You’re right, we might be a bit overprotective towards Shouyou… and that’s not fair.”

If only he would stop at that. Tobio knew there was a “but” coming… 

“ But … that doesn’t justify your own mistakes.”

Tobio dropped his hand at his side and looked at Yamaguchi with narrowed eyes. “Well then let’s do this,” he said eventually, “You all stop babying him and I’ll do my best to– to fix my shit.”

“Deal.” Yamaguchi said immediately with a soft smile. His hand shot up, waiting for Tobio’s. 

“Isn’t that just cute.” Tsukishima drawled. He approached them and stood by Yamaguchi’s side, looking at their joint hands. 

Tobio rolled his eyes and let go while Yamaguchi kept his easy smile and directed it to the newly arrived. “Hey, Tsukki. Wanna walk home with me?”

Tsukishima nodded. He stared down at Tobio for a second, scrutinizing his face, then shrugged and grabbed Yamaguchi’s wrist, dragging him towards the school gate. 

“You gave me your word, Kageyama! I’m counting on you!” Yamaguchi yelled back at him, then waved happily. Tobio felt his cheeks warm a bit and looked elsewhere. He was missing the complete lack of feeling of that morning already. 

Yamaguchi was a good guy, and Tobio didn’t  hate  him. Now that he didn’t feel empty anymore he could also see how much of a jerk he had been to Hinata, so of course he was going to apologize. Somehow. He was really bad at apologies. 

But– he had told Amano that they were going to practice together and he was not going to disappoint another short person that day, Tobio decided. So he started walking towards the gym and fished his phone out of the bag to write a text. 

[Kageyama]: Are u going home or stay for some practice?

Hinata usually stayed and joined him in the gym, but today wasn’t a normal day. He hadn’t even put the phone back when it lit up with a notification. 

[Hinata]: Im going home why do u ask

Tobio stepped into the club room to change into his sweatpants and t-shirt and thought about it for a second. He didn’t remember ever apologizing to someone. He always found a way around it. This whole thing they taught him in the last three years about trusting people and being able to be open with them– this crap he ended up believing in– also required him to take responsibility for his mistakes if he were to hurt someone, like Yamaguchi said. 

It wasn’t just telling oneself “you fucked up”. He could do that (kind of). It was more about telling  someone else  “I fucked up”. It made him feel like he left his side open for a punch. 

But this had to be done. Tobio had been a jerk to Hinata and his best friend’s only fault was to be so fucking amazing that he couldn’t help but have feelings for him.  Disgusting, Tobio . 

[Kageyama]: I’d like to talk to u

And then, after a deep breath, he added:

[Kageyama]: maybe I can come to ur place later?

Tobio kept looking at the screen. Hinata had seen the text, but he wasn’t answering. His chat bubble appeared a couple of times, and then disappeared again. Maybe Tobio had actually managed to fuck up their friendship and push away the only person he actually cared about.

He sighed and put his phone back in his bag to go train with Amano. When Tobio entered the gym he was welcomed with a shy but happy smile, and even though they mainly worked on Amano’s receiving rather than Tobio’s service, he was satisfied with the result. 

They got changed and left together, splitting at the school gate to go their own way. Amano waved excitedly at him and told him “Let’s do it again, Kageyama-kun! See you tomorrow!”. Tobio nodded and started walking, getting his phone out of the bag to see if he missed a notification. He felt like there was a hand gripping his stomach tight– 

[Hinata]: Of course Yama, I’ll wait for you

Tobio froze in the middle of the street and read the text again. He felt a shiver go down his back and melt the tension in his body and he ended up smiling to himself like a moron. Then Tobio packed his phone again and started walking with purpose. Even though Hinata’s place was quite far off and he had to fucking climb a mountain, it didn’t seem like a difficult task at the moment. He could’ve climbed two fucking mountains. 

When Tobio found himself in front of Hinata’s house, about thirty minutes later, all that energy seemed to be a memory of the past and he was panting. Hard. He was in dire need of a shower and he felt like he was only alive thanks to the chill air of late afternoon. 

The door to the house was just a few steps from where he was standing now and the whole way here he was so stupidly happy that Hinata didn’t seem too angry at him that he didn’t think about how to apologize and what to say. He had to  improvise , and Tobio hated improvising, even more than he hated apologizing…

Well, Tobio certainly didn’t climb a fucking mountain to chicken out at the last second. He gave himself a minute to even his breathing and then went to knock on the door. Even though they were close friends and spent most of their time together, they rarely met at each other’s houses. But it happened enough times for Tobio to meet Hinata’s mother, Mei, and taste her delicious cuisine. He also met Natsu, of course, and endured her long, curious stares more than once. 

Tobio didn’t know if either of them were home at the moment, or if Hinata was going to be the one opening the door, but he felt quite excited when he heard approaching steps and prepared himself– 

“Ah, Kageyama-kun, here you are!” Sasaki said, smiling up at him. 

But he couldn’t answer. Tobio stepped back and felt his eyes narrow, his fist clenching at his sides. He last saw Sasaki when in Super Sayian fucking form, but now he just really, really wanted to punch the guy–

Sasaki’s smile faltered and he lowered his voice so that only Tobio could hear him. “Look, I’m sorry, please don’t kill me, I was just doing what you told me, remember? And I’m not going to be here for your “talk” or whatever, I was leaving. Look at this…” He raised his bags and pointed at his feet to show he was wearing shoes.

Tobio felt himself relax a little, but kept glaring at him. “Well then fuck off I guess.”

“So charming.” Sasaki grinned and stepped outside, leaving the door ajar. When he reached Tobio, he put a hand on his shoulder and looked up. “You can do this, Kageyama-kun!”

“You should stop touching me– and  him  so much.”

Tobio didn’t want to say that. He really didn’t. He meant it, sure, but that wasn’t supposed to come out as a threat, or come out at all–

Sasaki opened his mouth slightly, taken aback, and then chuckled. “Can’t help it, Hinata-kun is so soft, the best plushie! Also, you can’t say these things and act all jealous while keeping your feelings to yourself, you know? If you want the right to be the only one touching him then you gotta find a way to be his boyfriend first.”

Even though Sasaki was a jerk, he was also… right? Well, right or wrong didn’t matter to Tobio at the moment, so he just moved Sasaki’s hand from his shoulder and moved to enter Hinata’s house. He didn’t look back to see if the guy actually left, and didn’t really care for it. 

Once he was inside he took off his shoes and put his bag on the ground, near the entrance. “Hinata?” He called. 

“Come to my bedroom, Yama!” Hinata yelled. 

Chapter Text

“Come to my bedroom, Yama!” Hinata yelled. 

Tobio had just entered Hinata’s house and his face was already on fire. Inviting a friend to one’s bedroom was totally normal and he knew that, but Tobio was new to this whole “liking Hinata” thing and his mind had immediately panicked at the thought of being alone with him, and in his  bedroom  nonetheless…

The fact that Tobio constantly felt guilty about his feelings for Hinata didn’t stop his brain from fantasizing or dreaming about him, no matter how much he wanted to forget about all of that and just be a good friend. 

Anyway, he was there for a reason and every other thought swirling in him had to be crushed and stored away for later – or never. Tobio yelled “Hai! Coming” and took a deep breath before awkwardly stalking towards Hinata’s bedroom. Did he forget how to fucking walk?

He stopped in front of the door and peeked inside. Hinata was sitting on the bed, his back to the wall, watching some video on his phone. Judging by the audio it was a volleyball match. No news there. But then he sensed Kageyama’s presence and raised his eyes, giving him a strange look. 

“Hey,” he said with a dim smile. He paused the video and the sudden silence filled the space between them. 

Tobio swallowed and lowered his eyes to the floor. “Hey.”

“You can come in, you know. Here,” he patted the bed sheet next to him, “Come sit.”

Keeping his stare down, Tobio closed the distance and did as he was told. Hinata seemed to observe his every movement, but he found he didn’t mind the attention… he reveled in it. The realization hit him suddenly: he craved Hinata’s attention at all times, on and off the court. Well, that was going to be a fun topic to dissect, but again… now was not the time. 

So Tobio sat, but kept some distance from Hinata. He was a man on a mission and he really didn’t want to be distracted by skin brushing skin or body warmth or–

“Wow, I don’t think I ever saw you looking like that.” Hinata giggled. 

It was such a cute sound… but Tobio managed to keep himself in check. Still as a statue.  Man on a mission , he repeated to himself. 

“Like what?”

“Like a beaten up puppy. Puppyama!” Another giggle. 

Tobio cleared his throat and stared at his hands, folded in his lap. “Come on,” he said to himself, “It’s just  words .” But it wasn’t true. It wasn’t just words. It was words that conveyed  feelings  and he had so many of those stuffed inside him, messy and chaotic. What if he said the wrong thing and actually fucked up? What if Hinata decided he didn’t want to be his friend anymore?

He swallowed and remained silent, willing his heartbeat to slow down and his throat to open up and let air go through it. 

But Hinata had never been a patient person, so he waited about 5 seconds and then turned towards him, dropping lower so that he could get a good look at Tobio’s face even as he tried to hide it behind his bangs.

“Well, now you’re making me worry, what the hell is up with you?”

Tobio put a hand on his face to cover his pained expression – and the blushing that came after Hinata’s close scrutiny. “Just– can you give me some time, you dumbass? I’m trying to do something here.”

Hinata sneered. Such a weird sound coming from that tiny ball of joy. “Oh cut me some slack, Kageyama! First you want space and now  time  as well? You’re getting greedy.”

Tobio wasn’t expecting that remark and it somehow broke through his anxiety and made him look up at Hinata and snort. It wasn’t quite a laugh, but the amusement was clear in it. 

“That’s not what I meant,” Tobio said, and his voice was weirdly tender. “I wanted to tell you–” He huffed, then started again, more confident, “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. For what I told you this morning, I mean. I was annoyed, and I wasn’t feeling very well, so I guess I took it out on you, but you didn’t deserve it.”

Hinata’s eyes got wider with each word, his mouth slightly open. His whole face seemed like a picture you would find under the definition of “flabbergasted” in a dictionary. He was also perfectly still, except for the occasional blinking. 

A few seconds passed. Tobio was dying, inside and out, and he was pretty sure that the whistle he kept hearing was an alarm going off in his body. He imagined a bunch of tiny Kageyamas going around inside him, yelling like crazy because the whole thing was going to explode – unless Hinata stopped fucking staring and spit out some words. 

Tobio couldn’t stand that anymore, he had to do something to save his life, so he stood up swiftly. “That was all I had to tell you so I’m gonna–” he croaked out. It seemed like he hadn’t used his voice for ages. 

“Nonononono–!” Hinata shook himself and actually launched himself at Kageyama, managing to grasp his wrist to drag him back to the bed. “You’re not going anywhere you idiot, you’re staying for dinner!”

“What the hell Hinata–” He fell with his back on the blanket, Hinata’s big eyes and wide grin hovering over him. Tobio felt things happening to his guts, like they were twitching and curling, and kept looking up with a dazed expression. 

Hinata just grinned wider and sat back on his heels, still on the bed. Then– he took Tobio’s hand as if it was the most natural thing. “I’ve never heard you apologize. Like– never.”

Tobio was long gone and certainly couldn’t muster any kind of answer. 

“I wasn’t even expecting you to, you know - Hinata continued, undeterred by Tobio’s silence or his stunned face –. I mean, yeah, I wanted to punch you this morning and I thought about doing it the whole day, but I was going to get over it. We fight sometimes, you’re often a total ass, and I just know you don’t actually hate me or anything so I don’t… I don’t get  mad .”

Tobio couldn’t stop staring like a weirdo. Hinata’s hand was still holding his, firmly, and it was hot. And soft. So nice. 

Then Hinata giggled. “But I can’t say I wasn’t happy to hear you actually apologize. Can you say it again? Pretty please?”

“What– well–  no !” 

“Oh, come on. Just once. I promise I’m not gonna ask you anything for– umm, one entire month!” He bounced on the bed and his other hand covered Tobio’s, whose cheeks instantly combusted. 

He barely managed to look away from Hinata and towards the door (the emergency escape route seemed to be clear), and that was just enough to give him back his voice. “So you won’t ask for tosses?”

He heard Hinata gasp. “Those don’t count!”

“Of course they do, they’re part of ‘anything’, dumbass.” He tried going for a serious tone, but it came out incredibly… fond. He was supposed to have a dignity, for fuck’s–

And then Hinata’s fingers touched his chin, pulling slightly to make Tobio turn towards him again, and Tobio instantly fell silent, lost in golden-brown eyes. “Pleeeease, Tobio, say it again?”

“I’m sorry” He breathed out at once. Hinata grinned and let go of his face, backing up a little, but he didn’t seem to regret what he just did, or even think it was anything more than a normal interaction between friends. On the other hand, Tobio was not working anymore and his blood was confused, torn between leaving his face altogether or filling it up to the brim.

But Hinata didn’t comment on Kageyama’s messy state, for some reason. Maybe he was a mess so often, lately, that it wasn’t even worth mentioning. He plopped on the bed instead, his arms stretched behind his back and his weight on his open palms, and tilted his head. 

“Are you also going to tell me what happened with Sasaki this morning?” Hinata asked, out of the blue. 

This gave Tobio the chance to panic for another, totally different reason, which ended up distracting him enough to regain some sort of control. “Ah, that.” He said, very eloquently. Then sat up, one hand scratching the back of his neck. 

“It’s nothing important, really. He–” Tobio couldn’t go with the volleyball excuse, he knew that. It wasn’t believable anyway, and he remembered reading somewhere that the best lies have some truth in it. “He’s been messing with me since he realized something was wrong between me and you, and he obviously offered his help and advice and shit like that.”

Hinata hummed. “Seems quite important to me, though.”

“That’s not– I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant is that  his opinion  is not important, and he should let me and you deal with–”

“With what, Kageyama?” Hinata asked. His voice had a mischievous tilt to it. 

“With our… friendship?”

He hummed. Then, after a couple of seconds, he said “I see.” 

“You do?”

Hinata nodded and smiled, but it was still somewhat– calculating? There was clearly more to it than what he just said. 

“What is that, then?” Tobio asked, pointing at Hinata’s face. 

“Uh? What is what?”

“Your face is doing a weird thing.”

Hinata covered his mouth with a hand, his eyes wide as if he was caught doing something wrong. “No it’s not.”

Tobio smirked and slowly crawled closer on the bed, spurred by the satisfaction of having found out something he wasn’t supposed to. He had the upper hand, and that made him  glow . Mischievous Hinata was certainly fascinating and Tobio really wanted to know what kind of thoughts made him look like that.

Seeing Kageyama approach, Hinata tried to retreat but his back touched the wall. Just a few inches away now, Tobio grabbed Hinata’s wrist to pull the hand away from his face. “What are you hiding? Why were you smirking? It doesn’t suit you,” he said – more like lied.  

Now it was Hinata’s turn to panic. “I’m not hiding anything Bakageyama! Now back off!”

“Or what?” Tobio’s hold on Hinata’s wrist softened but he didn’t let go. His lips were lifted in a devious smirk and seeing his best friend being so affected by his presence, for once, made him confident in return. 

Hinata lifted his arm to hide even more of his face and he– pouted. “Or I’ll ki–” 

“You’re tomato-red.” Tobio interrupted, happy to return the statement. Then his brain got jumbled with theories on how Hinata’s threat was supposed to end. Kick you? Kill you? 

“I know,” Hinata said, and raised his eyes to meet blue ones. Then he smiled lightly. “That’s because you make me angry, Kageyama.”

Tobio let go of his wrist and pulled back a little to study his face. It was uncovered now, but still very much red. “Anger is not your thing. You get excited, happy, sad, frustrated, – he said, counting on his fingers - determined, confident, even sappy at times. But not angry.”

“That’s not true, I promise I wanted to punch you out of anger this morning.” 

“Yeah, sure, that’s why you smiled and left instead,” scoffed Tobio.

Hinata made an offended noise and tried with a haughty look. “Well yeah but I did it with so much disappointment that it hit harder than a punch, I’ll let you know! You just don’t appreciate my methods.”

Tobio smiled. It was an actual fucking smile, and if he wasn’t so caught up in the moment that would have scared him. “Your methods are weird.”

“At least I don’t go around pushing people to the walls, I guess.” Hinata rebuked, and Tobio felt the air leave his lungs all at once. Shame coursed through his body. He swallowed hard and moved to sit on the edge of the bed with his back to Hinata. 

“I’m sorry Yama, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, it’s okay.” Tobio said. He sighed and felt Hinata move on his left until he was sitting next to him. “I didn’t want to do that, It’s just– Sasaki has been impossibly annoying lately and I lost control. I guess I gotta apologize to him too?”

Hinata looked horrified. “No way. That’s my thing! And he’s fine, we talked about it today and I bet he already forgot about the whole thing. Well, he did say you were really scary – but we all knew that. I guess he thought it was just something the senpai said to their kohai to scare them. Isn’t that like– super cool? I also want to be used as a means to terrify kids!”

“Oh shut up, I’m not scary. You’re never scared of me.”

“I was when I first met you!” Hinata admitted, punching him lightly on the shoulder. “But now I know it’s all an act, you’re actually nice and kind and cute–”

“SHOUYOU! I’m hoooome!” Mei yelled suddenly from the corridor, interrupting him. Tobio thought maybe luck was finally on his side because he felt like he was going to explode with each new word coming out of Hinata’s lips. 

In the end, Tobio did stay for dinner, and Mei - the wonderful woman she is - cooked pork cutlets. Everyone was sitting at the table in the kitchen and Natsu spent more time looking at him with her big, brown eyes – just like her brother’s – than actually eating. He didn’t mind the kid’s attention, but didn’t know how to respond to that. Should he… talk to her?

Tobio eventually decided it wasn’t necessary since Hinata did all the talking, telling everyone a story about Kageyama falling down the stairs when leaving the club room and hitting Tsukishima, who also fell and made the whole team tumble down on the ground. Natsu’s eyes sometimes drifted to her brother, but they always went back to Tobio. 

Soon enough he was helping Hinata free the table and clean the dishes. They were side by side by the sink and Tobio was in charge of drying whatever Hinata handled him with a bright yellow towel. It was cozy, and nice. He never did these things with his parents, it only happened a few times with her sister, before she left Japan. 

“Thank you for staying.”

Tobio raised his eyes at the unexpected words. “Your mum made pork cutlets…” was his smart comeback, but it still pleased Hinata if his smile was anything to go by. 

“I know I shouldn’t ask…” said Hinata, giving him the last plate, his tone unsure. Tobio just raised a brow in a question. “...Maybe you can stay a bit longer? To watch Japan's match with me? I recorded it and since we didn’t talk about it today or even yesterday night on the phone– I mean we already spent so much time together, I realize that, so you probably want to go home and be by yourself for a while… yeah, actually, forget I said anything–” 

“Hinata,” Tobio stopped his rambling, his heart clenched tight, “I can’t stay. But it’s not because of that– it’s just, you know, it’s late.”

Hinata seemed to ponder for a second before blurting out “You’re right, you should sleep here, then.” And Tobio felt his knees go weak. Where was Sasaki when he was needed? 

“But–” he started, thinking hard about a reason to refuse. He walked here and his parents were not going to be home for the night, so he would’ve had to go back when it was dark outside, and on foot. Maybe he could come up with an activity for which he’d require something he can’t have here? “-I didn’t finish my homework?”

And yes, it came out as a question. Tobio cringed. 

“Do you?” asked Hinata, quietly amused. 

Oh well, he  did try.. . “Yes, but I wouldn’t have done them anyway,” sighed Tobio, “So I guess I can stay, if your mum doesn’t mind.”

Hinata grinned as if he had just told him they were accepted into the Olympics Volleyball Team. “She won’t.”

Chapter Text

Tobio was on edge. The three of them were sitting on the couch, next to each other, watching the match Hinata recorded. Mei tried to tell Natsu to go to bed and “leave the boys alone”, but the girl wouldn’t have it and after a few minutes of convincing and threatening tears she managed to get Hinata on her side. In the end, the soft brother that he was, Hinata concluded that “it’s fine, we don’t even have school tomorrow, she can stay with us for a while”. 

So Tobio was surrounded by Hinatas on all sides and all he could see was bright, warm shades of orange: Natsu had fallen asleep just a few minutes in with her head on Tobio’s shoulder, while Shouyou barely fit in the space left on the sofa, which meant that the left part of his body was flush against Tobio’s. 

He didn’t exactly… mind the arrangement. But while pleasant, it was getting almost suffocating, with a myriad of hot feelings trying to rise from the depth he had buried them in for weeks, too scared of what he’d discover if properly analyzed; and now it was worse, because they seemed more dangerous, like they festered while left alone.

Tobio kept his eyes on the tv, but he didn’t really know what was happening, who was winning or where the freaking ball was. At first he tried to follow the actions, he really did, but eventually he only managed (and barely) to occasionally answer Hinata's commentary with a “yeah”, or “mhm” and “totally”, so that it at least sounded like he was paying attention. And even that required a lot of effort from his part. 

Then Hinata got caught in a thrilling action, a miraculous save from the libero, the ball that seemed too long for the setter and the unexpected, perfect toss, and the spiker followed the movement with his eyes, and with just a second to decide what to do he jumped– and Hinata’s body moved forward, as if he wanted to get close to the screen in the excitement of the moment, and his hand reached for Tobio’s knee in need of support.

“OH MY GOD!”, yelled Hinata when the ball smashed loudly on the other team’s court. Tobio, his face frozen and his eyes on that hand, privately agreed. Oh. My. God. 

Hinata turned towards him with the brightest grin. “DID YOU SEE THAT KAGEYAMA? I really thought they were done for. I didn’t even see the ball for a second but that guy? It was like Noya’s rolling thunder, but faster. Amazing! And that toss? Waaah, I would’ve loved to spike that toss, it was like  woosh –”

Tobio managed to tear his gaze from the hand on his knee and stared at Hinata, dazzled. He looked at Hinata’s lips moving, at his full, rosy cheeks and the happy wrinkles around his golden-brown eyes, at the kaleidoscopic lights from the screen coloring his hair in so many different shades–

“Yama?” 

Fuck. Tobio shook his head. “Ah, what? I was– distracted.”

Hinata frowned. “Huh? By what?”

“Uh– nothing, just thoughts. Can you rewind it for me?”

“Yeah,” Hinata considered him for a second with a curious look, then smiled. “Of course.”

Tobio focused for the next hour or so, he focused on the freaking screen like he never focused on anything in his whole life. Not during a volleyball match, let alone during classes. Hinata’s hand never left his knee, and its grip would get stronger every time something exciting happened on screen. A couple times it moved lightly, up or down his leg, and it felt so much like a caress that Tobio had to swallow hard and calm his breathing. Hinata didn’t seem to notice what he was doing, like he was touching Tobio just… by instinct. 

Natsu never woke up, and her weight somehow helped him stay grounded, as if the responsibility of not disturbing the kid prevented him from moving too much, or his heart from beating too loud. 

When the game was over Hinata turned off the tv and moved to look at Tobio, and that’s when his hand finally lifted from Tobio's knee: he had to use it while commenting on the match, to show him the “sick moves” the players nailed during the three sets. The warmth of that touch lingered, but now it was easier to think– and talk. 

“Italy played really well, though,” Tobio said, interrupting Hinata’s intense description of Japan’s winning point. 

“Yeah, they did. They have very good teams there. Do you think we could get into one of those?”

“Maybe. I’d like that,” Tobio said, truthfully. And then he thought about having to leave his house, Japan, his friends, Hinata– and his face got somber. 

Hinata tilted his head to the side and gave him a long look. “You okay?”

“Yeah it’s just–” Tobio kept his stare low, “If we go pro…”

“ When  we go pro,” Hinata corrected, beaming.

“Yeah, well, we’re probably going to be in different teams, you know. We’ll play in different parts of the world. Like… hours away, even by plane. And we’ll have different teammates, and–”

“Kageyama,” Hinata interrupted him, and his voice was light and breathy. Tobio finally met his eyes, and he saw sadness in his expression, but the tone was confident when he said: “It doesn’t matter where we are, does it? We’ll give everything we can, we’ll be the best and we’ll fight to be on the same court again, and again. As teammates, or as rivals”. 

“Yeah,” Tobio answered, and he was right, he knew Hinata was right, but knowing that didn’t make the lump in his throat go away. It was stupid, but it hurt, because they always shared a goal, and they still did, but for Tobio it wasn’t just about volleyball anymore. He wouldn’t just miss a teammate. Or a friend. It was obvious that Hinata had an easier time accepting a future in which they were apart. So Tobio sighed and he gave him a reassuring smile – or at least the best he could manage: “We will.”

Hinata grinned, then looked at Natsu, still sleeping on Tobio’s shoulder. “I’m going to take her to bed and then prepare the futon, you wanna get ready for bed in the meanwhile? There’s some of my clothes ready for you in the room, they’re the biggest I could find, I think they’ll fit just fine.”

Tobio nodded and stayed still while Hinata got closer to put one of his hands under Natsu’s knees and the other one on her back. He raised his head without thinking and Hinata’s face was a few inches away from his, so Tobio’s heart started thudding louder, louder– even louder when heated, brown eyes met blue ones for a couple of seconds, going wider and kind of… hazy. Then Hinata blushed– and quickly got up, his sister comfortable in his arms. 

“I’ll–” Tobio’s voice was hoarse, and he stopped to clear his throat and stand up. “I’ll go then,” he said, and swiftly walked down the corridor to Hinata’s room. He stood there, perfectly still, for a while. He must’ve been fantasizing a bit too much lately because it really, really seemed that they had just had some kind of… moment? Why did Hinata blush? Why did he have that flustered look on his face? That smoldering flame in his eyes?

The sound of the steps outside the room managed to break Tobio’s trance. He swallowed hard and decided that it wasn’t important. There could have been hundreds of reasons for Hinata’s behavior, and while Tobio would have liked some of them– it was stupid, just wishful thinking, and it really wasn’t worth thinking further. So he picked the loose blue t-shirt and the sweatpants that were left for him on the bed and went to the bathroom to get changed and brush his teeth.

The cold water on his face helped him calm down a bit. He got his phone out and typed fast on the screen. 

10:38  [Kageyama]: im sleeping at hinata’s, thoughts?

The answer arrived in less than 30 seconds.

10:38  [Sasaki]: you’re hopeless

10:38  [Sasaki]: and you really dont wanna know what i think, im telling ya

Tobio huffed and leaned on the sink. 

10:39  [Kageyama]: but i do 

10:38  [Kageyama]: if its useful advice 

For about a minute nothing happened, then a call appeared on his screen and Tobio almost jumped. He answered quickly and whispered: “Why the hell are you calling me? I clearly can’t talk!”

Sasaki chuckled lightly. “You clearly can, since you’ve been texting me. I just figured this would be faster. Unless you wanna make it weird with Hinata-chan and spend a suspicious amount of time in the bathroom.”

“Ok, fine,” Tobio sighed, “So what do I do? I tried to make up an excuse to go back home, but it… didn't work. And there was–” he bit his lip, unsure whether to continue. 

Tobio heard some kind of screech. “What? There was– what?” asked Sasaki, barely containing the excitement. 

“I don’t know. We were– close, I guess? And he–”. Tobio hesitated. 

“HE WHAT?” 

“Ah– he… he blushed? I don’t know, it was nothing really, and that’s not really the point, I just– It’s just that he’s so touchy all the time and it’s so hard to pretend everything’s fine…”

“Kageyama-kun,” interrupted Sasaki, his tone firm. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe…” There was a long pause, so long Tobio looked at the screen to see if the call was still on. Then Sasaki took a deep breath and said “...that he might have feelings for you, too?”

Tobio felt his heart stop beating. The silence stretched, weird and intense, for a few seconds. And then he– laughed. “What? Of course not.”

Sasaki sighed. “Why not?”

“It doesn’t make sense. I would’ve noticed. He’s the same he always was around me, and he’s nice and touchy with everyone. I mean–”, he smiled to himself, a dumb smile he wasn’t even aware of, “Every person with a brain falls for Hinata, I saw it happen again and again. But me? That’s– it doesn’t make any sense. Now can we please go back to the topic? Can you tell me something actually useful?”

Tobio waited a bit, but Sasaki didn’t say anything. “You there?”

“Yeah,” he whispered eventually. “I’m here. I’m so sorry Kageyama-kun.”

He frowned at that. “You’re sorry?”

“I think I misjudged you. I thought–”

“You thought what?” Tobio asked, confused. 

“It doesn’t matter. Just– I’m sorry. You don’t need any advice. Just remember that Hinata’s your best friend and no amount of lovey-dovey feelings on your part are going to change it. You should believe in your friendship instead of thinking it weak and fragile, you know?”

“Ah,” Tobio said, stunned. Sasaki was right. He went on and on with Yamaguchi about them babying Hinata… but he was doing pretty much the same thing. It shouldn’t matter if he liked Hinata in a different way than Hinata liked him. Tobio was always afraid that his friend would realize this difference and abandon him, but– Hinata would never, ever do that. He wasn’t the kind of person to abandon anyone, and he felt a wave of shame course through him for thinking that. 

“I guess you’re right,” Tobio said, still dazed. He’d just have to keep it cool, try and control himself around his best friend for a while. Then this crush… it would simply go away, but the friendship would remain… and they would meet on the same court, again and again. 

“I’m always right, sadly,” said Sasaki with an exasperated tone, “Just enjoy your time together, Kageyama-kun, because tomorrow’s my turn…”, a chuckle, “Goodnight!”

“What?” Tobio asked, panicking now, but Sasaki had already hung up. He looked at the screen for a minute, then sent him a text to ask for an explanation, but after a few minutes of waiting Tobio realized he wasn’t going to get any answer… also, Hinata was probably wondering where he was. 

So he left the bathroom in a hurry, his hand gripped tight around his phone and anger boiling under the surface– “Ouch!” …and bumped into Hinata. 

“What were you doing right outside the door, you dumbass?!” cried Tobio, dread cradling in his stomach. Did he overhear anything… compromising?

Hinata touched his nose and scrunched it a bit, as if to make sure it was still intact. Then, with slightly pink cheeks, flaming eyes and his mouth stretched into an outraged grimace, he looked up at Tobio. “You were taking so long! I just wanted to check if you were okay!”, and then, as an afterthought, “Asshole!”

“Well I am okay, clearly!” Tobio answered, lifting his arms in exasperation. The shirt – already too short for him – raised a bit, uncovering his stomach. Hinata’s eyes flickered there and up again; then he took a couple steps back. 

“Yeah,” he croaked, “you’re– you’re fine.” Then his head seemed to clear and he unceremoniously shoved Tobio to the side. “Now go to bed and let  me use the freaking bathroom!” he said, walking in and closing the door on his back. 

Tobio stood there and blinked, perplexed. He looked at the door behind him, as if he could find an explanation for what just happened written on it. As one could’ve guessed, there was none, so he took his doubts to the bedroom while he sprawled on the futon. Maybe Hinata  did  hear something about his conversation with Sasaki? 

Tobio replayed the entire call in his mind and he paled. If that were really the case… if Hinata actually heard–  Tobio was screwed. 

Chapter Text

The door clicked closed, so lightly Tobio’s brain barely registered it. His eyes were shut, his mind fuzzy, but he couldn’t remember falling asleep. There were soft steps, then a shuffling of fabric, a faint sigh, and silence again. He couldn’t bring himself to surface from the slumber he was in, but his mind made him aware of Hinata being back from the bathroom and laying in the bed next to the futon. 

It was reassuring and disturbing at the same time. Tobio always felt better and more at ease when Hinata was close, but now there was uncertainty clinging to his heart. He couldn’t remember the cause of it, being half-asleep, but it was there and it made his body tense. 

There was more shuffling, as if Hinata couldn’t find a comfortable position and was fighting the bedsheet for it. Then he swallowed. “Yama?”

Tobio mumbled something unintelligible. His breathing was even, his mouth slightly open. After a few seconds he felt fingers grazing his forehead, moving the hair from his forehead in a gentle touch. 

“I’m sorry,” Hinata whispered, and the touch was gone. 

When Tobio opened his eyes, hours later, he felt warm, cozy… and sore. Especially his shoulder. The reason why was clear the moment he slowly turned his head to the right: small fingers were intertwined with his. The grip was loose–but it was there. Tobio stared at it for a while, frozen, and then his gaze moved up to Hinata’s wrist, to the soft skin of the arm, bent over the bed’s edge in order to reach for him. 

When his stare finally settled on orange, tousled hair and a turned-up, tiny nose, Tobio sighed. Hinata was still asleep, his face open and relaxed. When the boy wasn’t grinning as he usually did when awake, it was easier to spot the freckles that dotted his cheeks and Tobio felt the sudden urge to connect one to the other with the tip of his finger. 

He struggled to swallow his need and slowly removed his hand from Hinata’s, careful not to disturb him. Watching your best friend sleeping wasn’t cool, he knew, but it had become almost a habit and every time the two of them went somewhere for a volleyball retreat they picked the futons next to each other without even talking about it. And every time, like a sunflower turning to the sun on instinct, the first thing Tobio would see in the morning was Hinata’s pretty face. 

Yes, it was pretty. He knew that for a fact, now, but before everything changed he had tried to tell himself that it only happened because it was interesting to see Hinata being still for once, not bouncing around like a ball. After the second, third, fourth time, though… the lie just wouldn't hold up anymore and Tobio had to admit that Hinata was pretty. The realization dawned on him even before he realized his true feelings. But he still struggled with the admission, so he had told himself it wasn’t such a big deal… even if he had never had that thought about anyone else before. 

Now he could see how fucking stupid he had been, trying to find a way around his obvious crush with pitiful, stupid lies. But he was just protecting himself, and it had worked for a while because those were easier times, when his heart already fluttered at Hinata’s proximity but didn’t shrink with the knowledge of what it meant. 

Tobio sat up and shook his head to free it from his annoying thoughts. There was no reason to dwell on it, the past was the past and he couldn’t turn back time. But he was still a man on a mission, and he could do something in the present, find a way out of these feelings–

“Fuck,” he murmured, his throat dry, because all of a sudden he remembered everything that happened the night before. That moment on the sofa. The phone call. The fact that Hinata could’ve heard everything he said to Sasaki–

Someone laughed in the other room and Tobio’s head shot up, his eyes fixed on the closed door and his mouth hanging open, disbelief all over his face. Because he knew that laugh, it was loud, free, but somehow still refined. Why the hell, Tobio thought, was Sasaki Kaito there? 

“Tomorrow is my turn”. That’s what Sasaki told Tobio the night before. Maybe he had plans with Hinata for the day? It was a possibility, but then again why didn’t Hinata tell him about those plans? It wasn’t even 10 minutes since he opened his eyes and the day was already shit, a faint ache starting to build in his temples. 

Tobio stood up quietly and left the room. After a short visit to the bathroom he padded towards the kitchen–where it seemed the voices were coming from–and stopped right outside the door. 

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” Sasaki told Mei with a warm tone, “I don’t want to wake them up, they probably need some rest, I’m just going to wait here… if it’s not too much trouble!”

Tobio could imagine the gentle smile on Mei’s face when she answered, “Of course, no trouble at all. Make yourself at home. Would you like something to eat or drink? I’m going to the store with Natsu so just tell me what you like! I’ll prepare a nice breakfast for all of you boys!”

“Thank you for the offer, that’s very kind, but I don’t want to intrude–” 

Tobio took a deep breath and joined the other two–three, Natsu was there too, sitting at the table reading a manga–in the room. “‘Morning,” he said, sheepishly. All eyes turned to him and Sasaki’s lips went up in a pleasant smile. 

“Kageyama-kun! Did I wake you up?” 

“Ah–no, no I was already awake—”

“Goodmorning dear, sit, sit now,” Mei had joined his side and she gently pushed him towards a chair. Once he was sitting she patted him on the shoulder and said “I’ll be back in about ten minutes and we can all have breakfast, alright?” She then turned to Natsu, “Come on dear, let’s go, you can help me with the bags.” The girl stood up with a huff and followed her mother outside. Not even a minute later the door to the house had been opened and closed. 

The silence stretched, between them. Sasaki seemed comfortable though, looking at him with his chin resting on his palm. His green eyes were sparkling as usual, but there was something different in them, an emotion that Tobio couldn’t really place. It was making him–flustered? 

“What’s–” he said, then cleared his throat and decided on a different approach. “What are you doing here?”

Sasaki’s smile stretched even more, a little mischief in it. “I’m here to pick you up!”

“Pick us up? To go where?” Tobio asked, confused. 

“No, not ‘us’,” Sasaki said, then paused. “Just you.”

There was some… deep emotion in Sasaki’s voice, and Tobio couldn’t help but blush. His embarrassment quickly turned to anger: he was no expert when it came to talking to people, but it really seemed like he was being played with, and that wasn’t fun. 

“Can you please speak clearly for once in your life?” Tobio said through gritted teeth. 

Sasaki chuckled. “Ah, yes, sorry,” he said, and managed to actually sound apologetic. His cheeks were slightly pink now and Tobio thought it strange since Sasaki was never the type to get embarrassed. “After our chat, yesterday, I came up with a new plan.”

The announcement made every bell ring in Tobio’s head but he just raised an eyebrow in a silent question. 

Sasaki took the hint and started explaining, his voice almost excited. “You don’t seem to like me being close to Hinata very much and it’s not really working in keeping you away from him, right? So I thought that we could do it the other way around…”

Sasaki let the last sentence hang in the air, but Tobio kept looking at him in confusion. “The other way around?”

“Ah, yes,” he said, “I’m going to be at your side instead, keep an eye on you, and–” 

“What.”

Sasaki cleared his throat, weirdly uncomfortable, and that made Tobio panic even more. “Yes–you know…” He paused, then dropped a bomb. “Kageyama-kun, have you ever had a boyfriend?”

Something exploded inside Tobio’s brain. “A boyf–what are you talking about? Why are you asking me?”

“Because that’s how some people get over their feelings for someone,” he answered in a serious tone, “They date… someone else. Now, if this ‘someone else’ is not aware that they’re being used–well, it’s bad. Not cool at all. But in this case it’d be okay because we’d both agree on it so…”

Tobio had a hard time understanding how human relationships worked, at times, but he wasn’t a complete idiot–or so he thought. So when Sasaki uttered those words, something clicked in his mind and understanding dawned on him, hitting him in the face like a proper slap. “You…” he whispered, his voice almost entirely gone, “Are you saying you want to be my boyfriend?”

Sasaki nodded, a smile on his face. Then he suddenly put his hands up, palms open towards Tobio, and added “Fake boyfriend! It would be just part of the plan!”, the words escaping his mouth in a rush. 

Tobio tilted his head to the side, wondering if he was going to faint.  Hoping  he was going to faint. After a few seconds it was clear that wasn’t going to happen. “Ah,” he whispered, his eyes fixed on Sasaki’s unsure expression.

It was like time had stopped, and Tobio didn’t have a clue on how to make it flow again. He slowly moved his gaze to the door, swallowed, and said “Ah” again. 

“Kageyama-kun, it was–” Sasaki sighed, some panic now getting in his voice as well, “It was just an idea, you know. It made sense in my head. But I understand that you don’t really like me so pretending might be hard, and it’s not even sure it might work…”

“Just–” Tobio interrupted him, a hand coming to cover his own face. “Shut up for a second,” he said, and Sasaki did. They remained silent for a while, the only sound being the two of them breathing. It was hard to think for Tobio, and it was even harder to admit to himself that the plan didn’t seem– that  terrible. 

Maybe it was because he really needed to do something about his feelings for Hinata and having such a distraction could be helpful, or maybe it was because the whirlwind of repressed feelings and emotions inside him had finally fucked him up for good, either way– “Okay,” Tobio said, and he knew it was his voice even though he didn’t realize he was speaking. “Okay, we could–try.”

Sasaki gulped. His eyes went impossibly wide and he said “Really?”

“Yeah but–we need to set some rules. Boundaries.”

“Yes! I mean–yes, of course, Kageyama-kun,” Sasaki said with a smile. 

Tobio’s head was still spinning, and he had never been less sure about a decision in his whole life. “Where did you want to take me, anyway?” he asked, suddenly remembering Sasaki’s previous words. 

“Oh, I thought we could go to the park, the one close to coach Ukai’s shop–to talk about this. And practice a bit, while we’re at it…” Sasaki grinned, “I brought the ball.”

“Okay,” Tobio said. 

“Okay,” Sasaki replied. “After breakfast–?”

The sound of a door opening interrupted the question. “Yamaaaa?” Hinata yelled, “Why didn’t you wake me–Oh!” he exclaimed once he entered the kitchen, surprise all over his sleepy face. 

Sasaki turned and smiled at him like nothing happened. “Goodmorning Shouyou!”

Tobio flinched at the use of his given name, then scolded his expression into an annoyed one. “I didn’t know I had to wake you up,” he said, avoiding Hinata’s eyes.

“What’s–Why are–” Hinata muttered, clearly confused. “Did we have plans today, Sasaki?” he asked, then turned to Tobio without waiting for an answer, “Of course you should have woken me up!”

“What are you even talking about, you dumbass?”

Hinata huffed and stepped closer to Tobio, his hands on his hips. “Are you stupid? You always throw a pillow at me or flicker my forehead or–you closed my nose with your fingers once! I almost  died !”

Tobio smirked. “You’re exaggerating as usual, and it only happened like three times–”

A burst of laughter broke their argument and two heads turned towards Sasaki. “You guys–” he stuttered while howling, “Are so funny!”

Both Tobio and Hinata threw him a glare, then they decided to ignore him and opened their mouths–at the same time–to resume that very important discussion, but they were interrupted again by Mei’s voice: “We’re home!”

Hinata stared at Tobio for a couple seconds, something akin to suspect in his eyes, then turned and went to greet his mother and help her with the grocery. About fifteen minutes later they were all sitting at the table and eating a delicious breakfast, but the atmosphere wasn’t easy and relaxed like it was the night before, during dinner. 

There was something unsaid between all of them and it made the air thick. Hinata kept glancing between Tobio and Sasaki everytime they interacted, even if it was only to exchange food or say “thank you”. Since the redhead was so busy throwing weird looks around, it was Sasaki who took charge of the conversation, complimenting Mei for her cooking and asking for recipes. It was empty chit-chat, and Tobio pretended to listen while his stomach churned with anxiety. 

When they were done eating, Tobio and Sasaki helped Hinata free the table and wash the dishes, and the silence became almost unbearable. Hinata was drying the last plate, his brown eyes darker than usual fixed on the floor, when he asked: “So, Sasaki, did I forget we had plans? I don’t think you answered me, and if that’s the case I’m so sorry for forgetting–”

“Oh, no,” Sasaki said, his tone easy, “I came to pick up Kageyama-kun. We need to talk about–what happened the other day. It’s not like I’m angry or anything, it’s just to clean the air, you know.”

Tobio thought it was a poor excuse, but after a moment of hesitation… Hinata nodded. “I see. So–I’ll see you two on Monday, I guess? For practice.”

“Yes, of course!” Sasaki said. 

Tobio felt Hinata’s stare on him, but couldn’t look up. 

“Yama, can I text you later?” Hinata asked, but the words were… strained. 

“Yeah,” he said, eyes still on the ground. Hinata led them to the door and said goodbye, but his usual brightness was replaced by a fake, dull light. It was the same difference between the sun and a lamp, and Tobio felt a grip close around his heart. When the door closed on his back, Sasaki’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, the touch gentle and somewhat unsure. 

“Let’s go, Kageyama-kun.”

Chapter Text

There was no denying it now. It had always been a possibility and more than once people had called him that. Usually with a disbelieving tone, rarely tinged with amazement, sometimes (most times) with disapproval. But it never really occurred to him that they might be right. He was just being himself, and in his mind everything he did made perfect sense. He might’ve been a tad impulsive at times, and he certainly liked action better than reflection, but that didn’t mean there was no thinking involved. 

And yet, he was definitely being crazy, at the moment. Crouched behind the bushes, Shouyou moved his feet slightly to get more comfortable. He huffed a bit, annoyed at himself. It’s not like he actually planned it. He didn’t mean to follow Kageyama and Sasaki and spy on them. Oh, boy.. of course not. Like many other times, his body moved before his brain could catch up and list all the reasons why this was a bad, bad idea. And now they were at the park - all three of them - and he couldn’t very well just turn around. He needed to know what was going on. He… he just needed to.

Shouyou ended up sitting crossed-leg on the dirt. Remaining still for more than a few seconds wasn’t his strong suit, it never had been, and to get rid of some energy his fingers nervously tapped on his knee. The other hand was holding the foliage to have a better view of what Kageyama and Sasaki were doing. 

This was weird. Not just the fact that Shoyuou hadn’t stopped feeling edgy since the day he saw Kageyama pinning Sasaki to the wall (which yeah, it was also weird). But the fact that those two were together so often lately, and somehow there was a lot of touching and whispering involved, and–and it was unsettling. Shouyou couldn't really explain why it was… and yet it was. And since Bakageyama didn’t want to explain it to him and kept making excuses, he was forced to take the matter in his own hands. 

Which meant that, all and all, this wasn’t really about Shouyou being crazy (nuh-hu!). It was, once again, Kageyama’s fault, because he could never be a normal person and use words properly, or act normally, and he ended up hurting people and–and doing weird stuff that ultimately pressured Shouyou into following his best friend to the park.

So, Kageyama and Sasaki were sitting on the bench, a few meters away. They were facing each other, Shouyou noticed with a frown. Sasaki seemed to be explaining something, and his face was… kinda pink? His expression was guarded and a bit insecure, as if he was waiting for Kageyama’s approval. Kageyama didn’t seem to approve, though, and from time to time he shook his head and shot Sasaki a murdering look. But Sasaki didn’t seem scared by it and everytime it happened he.. blushed. 

Shouyou’s legs started bouncing because he doesn’t understand, and he doesn't like this. He also doesn’t understand why he doesn’t like it and he definitely doesn’t like not understanding it. 

A yelp stopped his wandering thoughts and made his eyes dart back to the bench. Kageyama’s hands were on his mouth now, his face and neck red, and he seemed to be backing away from Sasaki, whose bright green eyes were wide and… amused? Shouyou didn’t think this “mission” would make him even more confused than before, but then again he didn’t think at all so– 

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

That was Kageyama, yelling. 

Sasaki seemed to suppress a laugh. “I’m very sorry! I am,” he said, but Shouyou thought it didn’t sound apologetical at all, “How would I know you never kissed anyone before?”

Kageyama paled. Shouyou’s leg stopped bouncing. For a moment, it seemed like time stopped. Shouyou’s eyes got blurry and a high-pitched whistle rang in his ears. There was some more arguing going on between Kageyama and Sasaki, but he couldn’t understand a word of it and couldn’t really see them, their figures out of focus.

“...that it wouldn’t be YOU!”

The venom in Kageyama’s voice broke the spell and reality came crashing upon Shouyou all at once, only it was louder, more vivid than before. He got up, as fast as he could, and started running, and running, with no destination in mind, just to let go of the pent up energy he felt coursing through his body, just to leave behind the chaos that was pressing on his brain. 

Shouyou kept going, panting, sweating, his hair plastered to his face and his mouth open to get enough air in. There were people around him, but he didn’t really see them. Some of them might’ve yelled something at him. Most of them would turn to look at him in surprise or disapproval. But it didn’t matter, not really, because he had felt like his heart was going to explode for a reason he couldn’t really understand. But now it was exploding because of the running, and that made him feel much better. Now it was familiar. Easy. 

When he finally stopped, his hands on his bent knees and his eyes on the ground, the sun was up high in the sky. It must’ve been noon, maybe a bit later. Shouyou thought about his mum, probably worried about him not going back for lunch. After a couple of minutes he managed to get his phone out of the pocket. Sure enough there were a couple missed calls from her. And there was a text. 

Shouyou’s mouth pinched with annoyance. He ignored the text and called his mum, apologized profusely and told her he was practicing and just “lost track of the time, but I’m fine!”. Then he looked around, trying to understand where he was. His sense of direction had never been great but it happened quite often to get lost like this and he always found his way back thanks to–Kageyama. Ah. Well. 

He looked down at his phone again. Maybe he could call him? Would he even come to help him, being all busy kissing Sasaki and stuff? Shouyou shook his head and sat on a bench right outside a konbini. He didn’t have any money on him, but he could rest a bit, at least, and think about what to do. The sky above was bright, and blue. Much lighter than Kageyama’s eyes. But it was nice, and he breathed in the cool, sunny air for a bit. 

Once he felt calm enough, he fumbled with his phone and pressed the call button. After a couple of rings he heard a sleepy voice say “Hello? Hinata?”. 

“Yes! I’m so sorry, did I–did I wake you up?”

“Ah–I was napping, but it’s fine,” Yamaguchi said with a yawn. In the background there was someone whispering, voice low and angry. 

“Is that Tsukishima?”

“Fuck you, Shouyou,” Tsukishima yelled to the phone.

Shouyou giggled. “Did I also wake him up? All of a sudden I’m not sorry anymore.”

“Oh my–would you two just stop? What’s up Hinata? Did you need something?”

He dried his sweaty hand on his pants, “Ah, yes. You see, I was–at the park, the one next to coach Ukai’s shop, and then I went for… for a run! And I kinda lost track of where I was going, and now I have no idea where I am and I–”

There was some noise on the other side of the phone, and then Tsukishima’s bothered voice, “Hinata, this just confirms my theory for which you used your last brain cell a long time ago, probably before we even met, but I’d like to point out that your phone can also work as a gps and you can just open the fucking app and figure this out yourself instead of annoying all of your friends–”

“AH!” Shouyou gasped, “So we are friends!”

Tsukishima sighed, mumbled something that sounded like “I give up” and passed the phone back to Yamaguchi, who said, “He’s not wrong, you know.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you call Kageyama?”

Shouyou didn’t answer. Not just because all of a sudden he felt a lump in his throat, but also–he didn’t know what to say. 

“Didn’t you two make up?”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice strained. “Yes, yes. We did. He,” he smiled, then, “he actually apologized.”

“The fuck?” whispered Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi laughed. “Then why didn’t you call him? Don’t tell me you fought again, I swear to God–”

“No, no!” Shouyou interrupted, “I–it’s complicated?”

“It always is, with you two, isn’t it?” Yamaguchi’s tone was exasperated.

Hinata thought about it for a second, then nodded. “Ah, I guess it is. It used to be much easier, but lately…”

“What changed?”

That was a good question. What changed? It was hard to pinpoint exactly what was different. He had always wanted to spend time with Kageyama. That didn’t change at all. And they still played or talked about volleyball as much as before. Possibly even more. But then–it was a few weeks ago, when Kageyama started to look at him differently and it felt like his best friend couldn’t stand being close to him anymore. It was heartbreaking, and sudden. Shouyou had felt like he was “too much” for people when he was younger, too driven, too obsessed, too whiny, too annoying… but he had always thought it would never happen with Kageyama. Until it did. Until Kageyama asked for more space. 

“I–” Shouyou cleared his throat, his voice rougher than usual, “I guess he got tired of me? I mean that’s normal, it happened in the past, but I was sure this time it was going to be different. I don’t know why.” Maybe because he often saw a different spark in those deep, blue eyes, and it didn’t look like annoyance. It was glowing, and made Hinata warm and kind of flustered. 

“Maybe it is different. He apologized to you…”

“Yeah, he did, in the best possible way, and it was all good again until he left with Sasaki–Oh,” Hinata covered his mouth with a hand. He didn’t want to say that, he really didn’t–

“What?” asked Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at the same time. “He left with Sasaki? To do what?”

“Forget it, I swear it was nothing! Ah–I got to go!”

“Don’t you dare hang up now Hinata Shouyou–”, but Hinata Shouyou did hang up. He looked at the screen with sheer panic on his face for a couple of seconds, and then jumped when it lit up with a call. He swallowed, very aware of the mistake he made and also very determined to not face the consequences of it right away. He wanted to talk to Yamaguchi (not Tsukishima), that’s why he called him, but he wasn’t ready to relive what just happened and explain it. 

So he refused the call, opened the maps app and distracted himself with a new mission: finding the way home. 

About an hour later he was stepping inside his bedroom and closing the door behind him. The delicious smell of lunch was still in the air, but Shouyou didn’t feel like eating. He couldn’t remember the last time he skipped a meal, honestly, but it seemed like his body was still adjusting to… something. Something he couldn’t really understand. He felt stupider than usual, lately. 

He looked around and sighed. His eyes zeroed on the volleyball and its familiar shape made him calmer, his fingertips buzzing with the need to touch it. So he grabbed it from the floor and went outside, in the garden, and started throwing it at the wall. Repetitive tasks like this usually helped him a lot. Whenever Shouyou felt too excited to stay still he either juggled the ball or, well.. or challenged Kageyama. 

Like that winter morning they arrived early to the gym but Shouyou was so eager to get there that he forgot his jacket, and the key that was inside the pocket. And of course Kageyama yelled at him, shook him, called him boke, Hinata, boke! a million times. And then Shouyou started shivering from the cold and bouncing on his feet between one apology and the other, and Kageyama immediately let him go and suggested they race around the building and see who could do more rounds. Kageyama won that time and Hinata was fuming, fuming, because he could’ve won if he hadn't tripped–but he felt much better, and he wasn’t cold anymore. 

The thing was–well, Kageyama had this weird way of being nice. It usually involved a lot of insults and shoving and hair-grabs, so it was hard to understand his real intentions, the nice gesture behind all of that, and Shouyou often didn’t realize. And then it sometimes happened that his thoughts bring him back to that moment and he finally sees it all clearly (it was always a bit overwhelming). He sees that Kageyama is not always cold, or angry. That he… cares?

Shouyou shook his head free of those thoughts. The trees around him were slightly shaken by the wind, some of the leaves falling, whirling lazily before touching the ground. The air was still cool and pleasant and the sound of the ball hitting the wall and his hands was regular, clean, like a metronome setting the time. Thump, thump. Like a heartbeat. Shouyou started to breathe to its rhythm, in and out. In and out. Slowly the world came into focus, his body got lighter and most of the tension left his shoulders. 

“Onii-chan!”

Natsu was flashing him her brightest grin, her curly, orange hair ruffled by the wind. In the last few years she got much taller, but her face was still round, all soft around the edges, and even though she was soon going to be a teenager, she still looked like a kid. The cutest kid, Shouyou thought. He smiled at her and she got closer. 

“Onii-chan, can I play with you?”

Shouyou caught the ball and nodded, “Of course. Come here. Do you wanna spike?”

She shook her head. “I wanna better my bagher.”

They started passing the ball and Shouyou gave her some advice whenever her posture was wrong, or too rigid. But she was getting good, and that made him so, so proud. She made it into the middle school team that year, and even though she wasn’t as obsessed with volleyball as Shouyou had always been, she seemed to have a lot of fun playing and he couldn’t wait for her next match. He was definitely going, and maybe this time he could make Kageyama come along and make him act like a grumpy cheerleader–

“Use your knee, Natsu,” Shouyou said, “And try to–”

“Onii-chan,” she interrupted. His eyes focused on her, a bit curious and a bit confused by the serious tone. “Do you like Kageyama-kun?”

Shouyou let the ball drop. “What?”

Chapter Text

Surely she didn’t mean it like that. Natsu was looking at him with a frightening intensity that seemed out of place on such a young, soft face. Shouyou blinked a couple of times and lowered to grab the ball (and avoid his sister’s piercing eyes). He stood up again, feeling a bit dizzy and very, very confused. 

“Of course I like him,” he said, cringing when his voice cracked a bit. “He’s my best friend.”

Natsu huffed. “I didn’t mean as a friend.”

“Ah–I don’t understand–”

“Yes, you do. Onii-chan, do you like like him?”

Shouyou’s mouth was hanging open. He entertained the idea that this was all a nightmare, a horrible nightmare that started that morning with Sasaki kidnapping (yes, yes, kidnapping) Kageyama. Then the spying thing, and the kiss. The running, the slip on the phone with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. And to top it all, like a red, plumpy cherry on a cake, his 12 year old sister asking him about his love life. With a boy. A boy who also happened to be his best friend and partner. And the person who lately more than ever made him feel constantly on edge, fuzzy, warm–

“Oh. My. God.”

Natsu raised an eyebrow at him, confused by his brother’s reaction. Then her eyes widened with understanding… and disbelief. “Did you,” she said, then closed her mouth, her lips tight, and raised a finger to point at him, “Did you just realize it? Like, now? Onii-chan!”

Shouyou’s hands went to cover his tomato-red face and he kept whispering “oh my God” like a mantra. But the blush was still very noticeable because it kept spreading, coloring the tip of his ears and the back of his neck. He never regretted having small hands this much. Surely Kageyama, with his big hands (and perfectly filed fingernails) would’ve hidden his blush much, much better–

His sister was getting closer, but he hardly realized that. Apparently “realizing” things wasn’t his forte, was it? His chest seemed to be on fire, hot and sizzling, and he was having a hard time breathing, and yet he still couldn’t stop using each breath to whisper “oh my God”.

This wasn’t a nightmare. It was a disaster, because he couldn’t just wake up from it. Was that the reason why he followed them to the park that morning? And felt so terrible about the–the kiss? Just thinking the word “kiss” made him panic even more, because it was absolutely impossible that he actually wanted to–to kiss Kageyama. Kick him? Maybe. Probably. But kiss him? No, no. There must’ve been another reason, much more likely and acceptable, that explained his behavior–

“Onii-chan,” said Natsu, her voice so, so delicate, as if she feared speaking louder would’ve broken him. And maybe it would’ve. She grazed his hands with her fingers, “Come on, don’t do this. It’s alright.”

But it wasn’t. Shouyou shook his head frantically and lowered on his knees. Natsu did the same and grabbed his wrists, pulling lightly. “It’s alright onii-chan,” she kept murmuring, until her brother gave in and let his arms fall on his lap. Then she smiled and got closer to hug him around his waist. 

“I’m sorry, I thought–”

Shouyou swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat and interrupted her, “Natsu. How did you–” but the words just wouldn’t come out. Maybe because uttering them would have made it all real, and he didn’t want it to be real. 

She raised her head a bit and looked at him with worry. “I didn’t know, really,” she said, “But when he’s with you–mmh–it’s like there’s no one else, and… and your eyes are all shiny, always on him, and you only talk to him, and...” Shouyou stared at her, his expression filled with fear. 

“And you know Keiko-chan, the libero in my team? She does the same when that tall guy from the swimming club is around, ugh I can’t remember the name… Matsuoka-kun or something? Anyway she does that because she–well, she likes him. She told me she likes him.” She rolled her eyes at that, as if liking “that tall guy from the swimming club” was very, very lame and absolutely impossible to understand, “And I told her he’s not good for her, that I think he likes another person, but she doesn’t care. She said she can’t decide who she likes, nor can he, and that it’s okay if they just stay friends and stuff. So–maybe you can do the same, onii-chan.”

“The same?” Shouyou asked, his voice airy and unstable. 

“Yeah, the same,” she said, “If liking him makes you so unhappy you can just–mmh–stay friends with him. So nothing changes.”

Shouyou lowered his eyes. She wasn’t exactly wrong… and yet–”nothing changes”? Was this really what he wanted? Was it even possible? Things had already changed, Kageyama got tired of him, he asked for space, and now he was–Sasaki’s boyfriend or something. And it hurt. It felt like an injustice of some sort. But maybe it was for the best, he thought. Maybe being apart would do him good, help him understand these new (new?), confusing feelings. And with time he could get rid of them. 

“Natsu,” he said, giving her a small smile, “You’re such a grown-up. When did it happen?”

She grinned. “I’m not. But you’re such a baby sometimes, onii-chan.”

“Hey! Rude!”

A giggle, and then her face became serious again. “Are you okay?”

“Ah,” he wanted to say that no, he wasn’t okay. He wanted to erase the last few weeks from his memory and have a fresh start, “Yes. I’m fine.”

“Are you gonna tell mum?”

Shouyou paled. “No. Nobody’s gonna tell mum.”

She hummed, a finger on her chin. “Why not, onii-chan? Doesn’t she know more about–love stuff?”

“There’s no love stuff to discuss, it’s just–a crush or something, don’t worry about it” he said, then cleared his throat, “Promise me you won’t say anything about it? Pinky promise?”

Natsu thought about it for a second, then linked her finger with Shouyou’s. “Pinky promise.”

Talking to his baby sister about his feelings for Kageyama (even thinking about it made him shiver with unease) had been both a blessing and a curse for Shouyou. On one hand, now he could see the reason behind some of his own words and actions during the past few weeks. 

(The irregular, fast thumping of his heart when Kageyama’s head was in his lap, that day during practice; his eyes lingering a couple of seconds too much on the tight skin of Kageyama’s stomach whenever he stretched and his shirt went up; the lump in his throat whenever he thought about that moment in the locked club room and Kageyama’s need to be away from him; his own hand searching for Kageyama’s and holding onto it before falling asleep the previous night; the hot blush spreading on his cheeks when their faces were unexpectedly close–despite the darkness of his living room he could see every speckle in Kageyama’s blue, glowing eyes.)

Finally understanding felt good. Surreal, but good. On the other hand–he couldn’t very well feel good about liking his best friend. Not only that: Kageyama asked for space. He clearly didn’t want more from him, he wanted less.

Shouyou was sprawled on the grass of his backyard, his eyes lost in the sky and his brain lost in his thoughts. He started wondering when it all started and he feared the answer, because his attachment to Kageyama had always been–ah, well. Special? Could it be that it wasn’t just about the past few weeks? He sighed. If he had to like boys, he should’ve at least fallen for someone approachable, someone he actually had a chance with, maybe Kenma or–or Sasaki. 

Sasaki was a person Shouyou couldn’t really understand. He was always cheerful, ready to help, buzzing with the need to interact with other people and be a part of their lives. And this felt good, it felt familiar. But he seemed to jump from one person to the other like a grasshopper, giving everyone all of his attention–until he didn’t anymore, and then he moved to someone else, repeating the process over and over again. 

He made you feel important. But it was temporary. In the previous days Sasaki seemed to be attached to Shouyou’s hip, and that helped him cope with the loneliness of having “lost” Kageyama. But today he basically ignored Shouyou and kissed Kageyama. What was that? Did he actually like like Kageyama, too? Or was it just a game to him? This made Shouyou–angry? He wasn’t the angry type, but this weird feeling started simmering inside him, bubbling up and trying to surface. 

So he got up and started jumping, letting the “thump” of his feet meeting the ground calm him down. It didn’t really matter what was going on between Kageyama and Sasaki. Shouyou wasn’t going to confess, God no, so it wasn’t really his business. Kageyama was a big boy–not just figuratively–and had the right to live his life the way he preferred. Did it hurt Shouyou? Yes, it did. But it wasn’t anyone’s fault and he could take it and just wait for all of it to die out. It was going to be better. He just had to face things head on, like he always did. So he took out his phone and opened the text he had decided to ignore before.

11:43 [Kageyama]: Why did you want me to text you later? Here it is, I’m texting you. Dumbass

Shouyou read it and made a face. He couldn’t understand how he could’ve fallen for such an idiot, really. And yet it also made him smile, because the idiot did remember to text him, just like he had asked before he left with Sasaki. He remembered and he did it, even if he didn’t know why Shouyou had asked. So he typed “BAKAGEYAMA” and sent it. 

He remained sitting on the ground, hard but somewhat comfortable, one hand absently caressing the grass and the other holding his phone. He kept looking at the screen, his legs bouncing again, but his expression focused. 

After a minute or so Kageyama read the message. Shouyou’s eyes brimmed when he saw the bubble telling him the idiot was writing–but then it disappeared. And appeared again. It kept coming and going for a while, and Shouyou wanted to hit his head on the trunk of a nearby tree. He waited, and waited, his eyes locked on the screen, and then decided this wouldn’t do. Hinata Shouyou wasn’t gonna act like a teen with a crush. Even though he was a teen indeed, and also had a crush. 

So he locked his phone, muted it again, put it back in his pocket and picked the ball. The weather was still nice enough, so why waste a perfectly good practice time just to wait for a text from an idiot who didn’t even want to talk to him? Having settled this very important matter, Hinata resumed throwing the ball in the air and catching it with a bagher. Minutes passed. Five, then ten. Fifteen. His eye began to twitch. Weird… but he kept going. He almost missed the ball a couple of times. Still weird. And yet, he kept going. But his mind was clearly elsewhere, more specifically wondering if a certain person with deep blue eyes, jet black hair and the rudest attitude had perchance found the determination to write a simple reply and press the “send” button instead of being a jerk and–

And Hinata hit the ball with too much strength and sent it flying on the street. He looked at his wrists, red and slightly bruised, and then back at the ball. It was going down the slope, so he shook himself out of this angry-induced trance and ran as fast as he could to get it. He chased it for a bit and then managed to grab it. 

With the fugitive now back in his hands, Hinata glared at the ball. “Even you run away from me?”, he said. Maybe he was crazy. After a sigh, he tucked the scoundrel under his arm and got his phone from his pocket, defeated. But there was a text, and he couldn’t help but crack a small smile. 

13:34  [Kageyama]: What do u want Hinata

His smile froze. What did he want? That was a tricky question. He certainly couldn’t answer honestly. “I’d like for you to like me back”, “I want to not like you anymore”, “I wish I could just go back to how it was”, they were all things he truly wanted. But growing up apparently meant accepting the fact that people don’t usually get what they want. He started walking home while typing, coming up with a somewhat acceptable answer, a way to keep the connection open without sounding desperate. 

13:45  [Hinata]: Well I want for u to be less of a prick for a starter

13:45  [Hinata]: And remind u about Natsu’s match later this week, will u come this time?

He locked the phone and walked into his room, wondering if he did the right thing. Then the bell rang and his eyes flew up, his muscles tense all of a sudden. “Shouyou, there’s your friend here to see you!”, his mother yelled from down the corridor. In just a few seconds he was out of the door, looking at the newly arrived guest, and the glimmer in his eyes instantly dimmed. 

Yamaguchi was greeting his mum, but when he realized Shouyou was there he turned to him and smiled. “Come on, let’s go take a walk”, he said. And so they did, because Hinata really needed to talk to someone, and because he couldn’t very well tell his friend to leave just because he wanted to text Kageyama some more, or spend the afternoon on his bed wondering when his life got so complicated. 

They had been walking for some time now, but neither of them broke the silence. It didn’t seem to bother Yamaguchi, probably the most patient person ever (maybe a perk acquired after years of close friendship with someone as frustrating as Tsukishima, Hinata thought). But Shouyou’s hands, tucked in the pocket of his jacket, were almost trembling. Step after step, he tried to come up with the best way to initiate this conversation, so obviously he ended up blurting: “I like Kageyama”. 

Yamaguchi stopped in the middle of the street. Hinata stopped as well, but turned his head to the side in order to hide his fierce blush. He really shouldn’t have said that–

“Fucking finally.”

That was unexpected, and Hinata couldn’t help but look back at Yamaguchi with wide eyes. “What?”

“I said: fucking finally, Shouyou.”

So he didn’t hear wrong. He lowered his eyes but didn’t say anything more and just waited (hoped?) for Yamaguchi to explain himself. But he didn't, and just started walking again. Hinata followed him, still stubbornly looking at the ground. When it was clear that nothing was coming, he added: “I mean, like like Kageyama”. 

Yamaguchi chuckled. “Yes, I got that.”

“And?”

“And thanks to you I just won a bet.”

Shouyou frowned. “A bet?”

“Well, Tsukishima was sure you’d never realize that because - his words not mine - ‘anything that isn’t volleyball will forever remain a mystery to him’. But I guess I had more faith in you so I told him he was wrong, and we decided to bet on it.”

Hinata was shocked. And speechless. His mouth was hanging open, his wide eyes now staring at Yamaguchi’s smiling face. 

“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” he said, and grabbed his arm by the jacket to drag him along the street. “I’m actually happy for you, I don’t care about the bet. I’m only getting a free meat bun anyway…”

“Why are you happy for me?” It didn’t make sense to him. It was a disaster, not something to celebrate. There was no way this could end well, and Shouyou knew it.

Yamaguchi looked at him with a complex expression. Then took a deep breath. “Liking someone is a good thing, Hinata. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Maybe liking ‘someone’ is a good thing. But Kageyama? That’s not–” Hinata swallowed, his throat tight, “That’s really, really bad.”

“Because he’s a guy?” Yamaguchi asked, looking ahead as if the answer didn’t matter to him. But his shoulders were tense, and his tone was slightly nervous. 

“Because he’s my best friend,” he answered, “because he asked for space, which means he doesn’t want to be closer to me, quite the opposite… and yeah,” he admitted with a whisper, “also because he’s a guy. I just didn’t think–you know…”

“I do know,” Yamaguchi interrupted him, “but liking someone is still a good thing, Hinata. Yes, sometimes it hurts, but it also makes you feel excited, giddy, happy, and so much more. And I wouldn’t dwell too much on the ‘space’ thing, if I were you. He might’ve said that, but he also apologised to you, didn’t he?”

Hinata thought about it for a second. “It doesn’t mean that he–he likes me.”

“No, but it doesn’t mean the opposite either. Have you considered… talking to him about it?”

Chapter Text

“Have you considered… talking to him about it?”, Yamaguchi asked.

Shouyou did consider talking to Kageyama about his feelings–and then immediately discarded the idea. He had always been the kind of person to face every situation head on, an attitude that may very well cause mayhem, but at least it didn’t let him rest enough to question himself. 

He knew that was the end, for him. The moment he was given time to reflect, his brain would conjure all the worst scenarios and he’d become nervous and jittery. Then it would affect his body, and he’d have to run (usually to the nearest toilet). This happened in the past whenever he had no control over a situation and was instead forced to wait for something to happen–like the start of a volleyball match. 

But telling Kageyama he liked him–that was an entirely different thing. In Shouyou’s racing mind, facing this situation didn’t mean “going for it”, because this kind of "going for it" would endanger or even end their friendship. Within this peculiar scenario, “facing the situation head on” meant admitting his feelings to himself–which he did surprisingly quickly (even though Yamaguchi and Natsu would probably disagree about this specific point). 

So that was it: he liked liked his best friend (very much), and he now had to find the best way to live with this shitty epiphany until the feelings went away. So he answered Yamaguchi and told him this much: “Nuh-uh”. And then, immediately after, he went to talk business: “So how do you get over a person?”

Yamaguchi looked at him for a couple of seconds, frowning. Then shook his head and stared ahead, “I have no idea. If you find out, please tell.”

Now, that was interesting. Shouyou sped up to catch up with his friend and locked his arm with Yamaguchi’s, grinning. “Now, why would you need to get over that ass–” a glare landed on him, hard, and he quickly corrected himself, “–assertive, young man?”

Yamaguchi chuckled, but lowered his eyes. “I don’t think you’re ready to talk about any of that, Shouyou.”

Shouyou pouted. “Come on, I’m gonna be good! I promise!”

“Then talk to Kageyama.”

He huffed. “Why would I even do that–”

“Because,” said Yamaguchi, a sly smirk on his face, “He’s your best friend, and–” he lowered his voice and whispered close to Shouyou’s ear, “–he’s here. Hello Kageyama!” 

Hinata raised his eyes and met Kageyama’s intense stare, a few steps ahead. His heart stopped, climbed to his throat and remained there, stuck and still. His feet got confused from the two orders the brain sent: run to him, and stop—fortheloveofGodstopandrunaway. So he tripped. His face was going to hit the hard ground, he knew that, but–honestly? It wasn’t that bad. At least he’d have an excuse to leave this awkward situation and hide his blush behind the blood that was surely going to paint his face. 

But none of that happened, obviously, because on his right side Yamaguchi’s arm was still locked with his own–and Kageyama was now holding his left hand and elbow, steadying him. “What the fuck, Hinata, did you forget how to walk?”

Charming as ever. Shouyou raised his eyes and looked at Kageyama, that freaking handsome, athletic idiot that somehow managed to get to his side in a second to prevent his fall. “I–” he tried, but Kageyama was staring back at him, and his cheeks were pink, his brow cutely furrowed, his mouth slightly open, his grip so firm on his arm that-that getting words out seemed impossible. 

And yet he couldn’t very well stay silent and act like a moron just because he now knew about his feelings. He shouldn’t make this weird and, like, uh, ruin their friendship. 

“Thank you,” he ended up saying with a strange, breathy voice. He saw Kageyama swallow, and his heart lost another beat. “I just got distracted, so–forget it. What are you doing here?”

A weird, somewhat poignant silence ensued. Their eyes were locked, blue searching into brown and vice versa. Kageyama’s hand on his was warm, and it seemed to be trembling, just slightly. Shouyou distantly wondered what the hell was going on, why wasn’t he stepping back or, you know, answering the question, but couldn’t really find the strength to look away from his best friend’s handsome, frowning face, and didn’t know what to say to break this delicate ball in which they were stuck.

Then Yamaguchi coughed. Clearly on purpose. The ball exploded instantly. Shouyou turned to him in surprise (funnily enough, he had entirely forgotten there was someone else with them! So, so funny). “I’m–”, Yamaguchi said, and he seemed to hold back a laugh, “I’m leaving, Tsukki is waiting for me”, and swiftly walked away without waiting for an answer. 

Shouyou blinked and whispered a “what” to himself. Then he slid out of Kageyama’s grasp thanks to his incredible agility and started running towards Yamaguchi, all of a sudden very afraid to be left alone with his currently pink-cheeked, so very appealing best friend. “Guchiiii, wait! Stop running away!” But Yamaguchi wasn’t stopping and instead looked back at him with an amused grin before walking even faster: “I’m sorry, it’s an emergency! Talk to you soon!”. Shouyou glared. 

“Hinata where the fuck are you going? If you slip again and break your neck I swear to God-I’m gonna kill you!” Kageyama’s furious - yet adorable - yelling made him smile a little, but his voice sounded frighteningly close so Shouyou decided to ignore it completely. That was, obviously, a poor choice, and the reasons were clear: Kageyama had longer legs and, on top of that, was angry, which worked just like the star for Super Mario. So in no time Shouyou’s wrist was again encircled by a warm hand. “Will you stop?!”

Shouyou did stop then, but he didn’t turn. He kept looking at Yamaguchi’s figure getting smaller in the distance, his shoulders shaking slightly. Was Yamaguchi actually laughing? What was it that he found funny about this tragedy? Shouyou couldn’t really tell. Maybe he loved to see his friends in stressful situations, having to spend time with their crush just a few hours after realizing their feelings. Maybe it was time to face the truth: the guy who was once sweet and caring had been tarnished by his ass-assertive boyfriend and turned into a demon who enjoyed Shouyou’s suffering—

Kageyama’s hold tightened. “What the fuck Hinata? Why did you run away from me? Did I do something to you?”

Shouyou bristled at the vulnerability in Kageyama’s voice. It wasn’t like him to talk like that. “Of course not”, he answered at once, but that didn’t sound believable to him either because Kageyama had definitely done something to him, even if it wasn’t on purpose. And, well, there was also the fact that the idiot had kissed Sasaki apparently, which was clearly a bad idea, wasn’t it? But Shouyou really didn’t want to think about it now (or ever), so he put a stop to that line of thought and sighed. 

He was still panting a bit because of the run–and yes, it was only, exclusively because of the run. So Shouyou did say “of course not”, but as a matter of fact that was a blatant lie and he realized that because of it he was getting more and more worked up, possibly a bit angry. Mostly at himself. How could he stay friends with this idiot when his body reacted to his vicinity like a freaking lovestruck damsel in front of their prince? It was ridiculous and, frankly, quite embarrassing. 

“Then what’s happening?” asked Kageyama, tugging at his wrist a bit as if to tell him to turn. Shouyou still didn’t turn. He did realize how ridiculous this was, just standing there, staring blankly at an empty road. But what if his body were to betray him (even more) the moment he looked at Kageyama’s face again? It seemed like a silly risk to take. Better safe than sorry. So Shouyou cleared his throat and shook his hand free. “Nothing, I just really needed to talk to Yamaguchi”, he said, feigning nonchalance, then started slowly walking forward, without really knowing where he was going. Moving for the sake of moving had always been a solution when in stressful situations.

But Kageyama was almost instantly by his side. Shouyou could feel those blue eyes on him, but still. Didn’t. Turn. “Talk to him? About what?”, he asked. 

His tone sounded quite… suspicious to Shouyou, but he couldn’t really tell how or why. “Ah–none of your business, Bakageyama. You still didn’t tell me why you’re here by the way, I thought you were spending the day with Sasaki”, he said, and if some venom got into his voice at the very end it wasn’t because he was jealous or anything of the sort. 

Kageyama remained silent for a long minute, and Shouyou knew it was long because he had the time to question every word he just uttered: did he reveal too much? Did he accidentally say something that might make Kageyama understand he liked liked him? Maybe he even picked up on the jealousy (what jealousy?) in his voice? Was he done for? WAS THIS THE END OF THEIR FRIENDSH–

“Yamaguchi told me you were with him and I–I wanted to see you.”

These words made Shouyou feel so many things all at once that, suddenly, it seemed like he could feel nothing at all, as if his mind really couldn’t take it and just decided to shut down. But his body still moved, automatically, and turned towards Kageyama’s, spurred by the idea that looking at the person who spoke would unveil the mystery, explain the unexplainable, clear the confusion swirling in Shouyou’s already messy mind. But that didn’t happen, and instead Shouyou found himself staring at a somewhat collected face, just slightly nervous–which was just frankly unnerving, because people shouldn’t get to say flustering things with a straight face and not feel the least bit of shame about it. The next thought Shouyou had was: am i crazy? Did I make a perfectly normal thing sound weird because I like him?

The silence stretched for a while, and all this while Kageyama kept tracing Shouyou’s expressions with his deep, dark blue eyes. Then it happened. At some point realization about how those words might sound dawned on him and it looked spectacular, like someone had just poured a bucket of freezing water on Kageyama’s messy head. Shouyou got to witness the epiphany from up close, a real seat of honour, and it seemed to unfold in slow motion: the eyebrows lifting up, the pupil widening, the mouth opening slightly, the flush coming up his ears, the spluttering–

“Wha–no, no no no! That’s not–I mean, you know! I did not want to see you as in, um, a–a wish? No, it was more like–It was just that you… you texted me! And then I thought it was stupid to keep texting when we could just meet–It just came out weird but it was totally normal!”

Kageyama kept babbling and babbling, and honestly Shouyou had no idea how to react to that, so he just went with the flow and started to giggle like a madman, unable to control himself: flustered Kageyama was the best. Shouyou realized, right in the middle of the giggles, that he had to learn how to fluster Kageyama in order to achieve happiness, then scolded his stupid, stupid mind for even conceiving that thought. 

At some point Kageyama had stopped talking and resolved to just glare daggers at Shouyou, but his ears were still pink and he kinda looked like a bird with his feathers all ruffled. The glare, the offended posture and the murderous aura coming off Kageyama were very familiar, so Shouyou relaxed and started to feel at ease again. “It’s okay, I get it Yama, you just missed me”, he said, cheeky, and grinned at him. 

“I didn’t–” Kageyama started to say, but couldn’t really finish the sentence and just huffed. “It doesn’t matter. Where are you going, anyway?” 

“Uh?” Shouyou said, then realized they were indeed still walking. “Oh, I–I don’t know. The park?”

The word “park” made Kageyama shiver and when Shouyou remembered what happened on that bench in the morning he shivered, too. “What about, uh, my place?” suggested Kageyama, looking at the ground. 

Well. Well, now. That was… something. Shouyou hid his reddening face behind his scarf and soldiered on. “Why?”

“Why what?”

Shouyou swallowed. He needed to be brave. “Why do you tell me you need space and then you come looking for me and invite me to your place?” he asked, the words tumbling fast out of his mouth. 

Kageyama stopped walking, put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and looked as far away from Hinata as possible. He seemed to think about it for a second, but in the end all that came out was: “I-I didn’t mean it like that.”

But Shouyou was brave. Irresponsible, maybe, reckless, possibly. And also brave. He walked a couple of steps until he was facing Kageyama, then looked at him in the eyes. “How did you mean it, then?”

“I wasn’t the one asking for space,” he mumbled, tone a bit defensive, “You thought that I was acting weird or whatever and wouldn’t let it go, so when you came up with an explanation I… I just agreed. I wanted for things to be normal again,” he said, “and to get out of that fucking room.”

Shouyou was speechless. “So, let me get this clear,” (speechless, yes, and possibly angry), “You made me believe that you were sick of me just to shut me up?”

Kageyama paled and finally looked at Hinata again, a hint of panic in his eyes. “Sick of you?” he breathed, confused, “That’s not what ‘wanting space’ means in the first place, you dumbass!”

But it did, didn’t it? Shouyou blinked, confused, and it seemed to make Kageyama even more upset. “Why the fuck would you even think that! Aren’t we–aren’t we friends?” he spit out, “Why would you think I'm sick of you? If that were the case I wouldn’t spend time with you at all!”

“I–I don’t understand,” Shouyou said, honestly baffled, his anger melting into turmoil. “I thought-well, I know I can be, uh, annoying and stuff, and you’re not the first one to get rid of me because of that–”

“Hinata,” Kageyama interrupted, dead serious, and stared right at him, almost pleading, “Don’t be stupid, that’s bullshit. Don’t make me say it.”

Shouyou’s eyes were wide and lost. “Say what?”

“I don’t want to get rid of you, dumbass,” he murmured, then cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. Kageyama opened his mouth again, but words wouldn’t come out. He closed his eyes tight and released a breath. “I like–"

Shouyou froze.

"I like spending time with you, Hinata.”