Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Danny Williams had always prided himself on his great, drama-free childhood and his healthy family, at least compared to most of the people he’s met, especially his best friend, Steve. It wasn’t bragging, he just realized how lucky he truly was. The biggest issues his family had was his mother feeling neglected and wanting a divorce from his father, but even that was solved easily compared to all of Steve’s family drama. This all meant that there were no skeletons in his family’s closet, at least none that would tear them apart.

He never doubted or questioned the great morals and values that his parents taught them. Danny wasn’t saying that his family was perfect just that they were normal for an Italian-American family from Jersey. If he compared it to Steve’s own drama of finding out his mother was alive because she -‘was a selfish cunt’- faked her own death, seemingly uncaring of the suffering and grief she put her children and husband through. All because she didn’t want to face the consequences of her actions and preferred to leave everyone else to pay for them.

‘I mean she didn’t even appear when her husband was murdered despite most likely knowing it was the psychopath that was after her.’

It was no secret that Danny absolutely hated the woman, even Doris knew this but pretended otherwise because ‘she was a sociopath.’ He hated that Steve was bending over backwards for this woman. He was calling in favors that he accumulated for a raining day but now wasted on the selfish woman, just to make sure she was safe in Hawaii while he put himself in danger to solve ‘mommy’s’ screw up and hunt down Wo-fat. Steve even ignored Danny’s comments and his clear distrust of Doris despite knowing that his best friend's proven track record for being the best judge of character, at least better than Steve. Danny had yet to be wrong about someone he genuinely hated, not disliked or was annoyed by but fully hated. 

Despite his disagreement with how Steve was handling things, as the man’s best friend, Danny focused on Steve’s drama which helped that he, fortunately, didn’t have any of his own. Until now, he got a call from his parents that changed everything he thought he knew about his family although it still didn’t change his opinion about Doris and Steve’s way of dealing with her. 

“What do you mean I have a younger brother?!” Danny couldn’t help but exclaim, hoping that his mother was making some bad joke or trying to prank him. His parents had, in his opinion, the best love story he knew, he always envied their relationship and wanted one just like it. Even with the problems they had recently, there was never a doubt that either would cheat or leave the other because they love each other so much. Even when his mother wanted to leave his father, she still loved the man dearly. It was admirable and a little daunting to follow such an example. 

‘Maybe that was the reason Rachel and I didn't work out.’ He had compared his relationship with Rachel to his parents’ relationship and felt disappointed when it didn’t meet those standards.

But this wasn’t about his own mistakes or flaws, this was about his mother calling him to suddenly tell him that he had a brother. At first, Danny was sure she meant that she was pregnant which she scolded him for. “I’m far too old for that.” He didn’t understand why she thought that her being pregnant made less sense than what she just told him.

“You have a younger brother that we just found out about.”

“How do you just find out that you have a kid, ma?!” His mother was being far too calm and casual for Danny’s taste.

“Well, we didn’t know about him until we got the call.”

“Wait, ma, what call are you talking about? Start from the beginning? Did you or dad cheat?” A part of Danny refuses to believe that any of his parents cheated on each other but he knew anything was possible.

“What?! Of course not! Danny, how could you think that we would ever…” his mother started ranting, for someone that teased him or complained when Danny rants, his mother was very good at ranting.

‘And she wonders who I get it from,’ he rolled his eyes before sighing.

“Mom, focus.” Danny cut her off mid-rant which he was sure she would not be happy about because he hated it too. “How do I have a brother that no one, even you, knew about?”

Evan Buckley knew from a very young age that he wasn’t wanted by his parents, especially his mother. Most days the woman couldn’t even look at him let alone acknowledge his existence. Maddie would tell him that it was all in his head and that their parents just weren’t those overly affectionate people. “Evan they show their love in other ways” his sister had declared.  But the thing was that they had never shown their love to him at all, even the food and shelter they provided was begrudgingly and almost forced.

His father always looked at him like he was ashamed and Evan assumed that the man was ashamed of him. It wasn’t as bad as the resentment and hate that filled his mother’s eyes when she looked at him. He could never understand the reason for it since it started long before he could do anything to warrant such hate. Again Maddie always told him it was in his head but his older sister always kept him away from his mother so he wasn’t fooled. Maddie would intervene when their mother got testy and volatile with him while his father would just turn a blind eye.

“You ruined our family and now we all have to live with your failure!” the woman would scream until her lungs made her choose between screaming and breathing.

“Margaret, please, you promised. Our son...” his father tried to calm the woman although saying ‘our’ seemed to physically pain him. 

“He is no son of mine!” The woman would sneer. 

“You gave birth…” This was the only time that Evan would ever see displeasure and reproachment in his father’s eyes directed at their mother.

“SHUT UP!”

Evan never told Maddie about what he had heard that night, he was too young to understand what his parents were talking about but as he grew older and analyzed the words, he came to the conclusion that his mother resented him and regretted having him. Evan had tried to apologize to his mother for whatever he did that was so wrong but all he got was a glare. 

“There is nothing you can do or say that will take away the pain you’ve caused me and this family with your existence.”  

His mother’s words had hit him like a ton of bricks that were lit on fire and covered with poison. He left the house that same night and tried to never look back. He went to Maddie in tears and begged her to run with him although at first he asked if he could stay with her. She was the one that suggested that he should get away from it all but when he asked her to come with him, Evan saw the fear in her eyes.

“Evan I can’t…” she almost pleaded. “But you should…”

“Maddie, are you happy? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you're happy?” The woman hadn’t been able to respond and Evan immediately knew. “Then you’re coming with me!” He had been so excited by this because it had always been them against the world.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is!” Evan exclaimed. “It’s always been me and you against everything and everyone. Why should that change? We’ll protect each other from everything and if we have to run then we’ll keep running.”

“Evan…” Maddie sounded like he was a child that just told her that he thought the clouds were made of cotton candy and now she had to set him straight but didn’t want to.

“Maddie, I can’t be happy if you’re not happy. Come with me and let's leave it all behind…”

To this day, he was shocked that his sister smiled at him with tears running down her face and got on the passenger seat of her jeep. They waited until Doug had left for work the next day and Maddie went and got all her important paperwork and a few clothes, everything else was left behind. She texted her coworker and sent her resignation by email before throwing away her phone. Then in a mess of tears and hysterical laughter they were gone none the wiser. 

It was amazing and they both thrive in the freedom. The distance from all the cause of their trauma did them a world of good but just like Evan had said they eventually realized that they had to keep running since Doug hired a private investigator to find them.

“I have to go back, I can’t let him hurt you!” Maddie had been terrified and ready to sacrifice herself for him.

“No you don’t.” But Evan wasn’t letting her. “Especially now, we’ll keep running, as long as we stay together we can take on anything that comes our way.”

There were a couple of times when Evan had to talk his sister off the ledge, especially as the private investigator got too close, but they just kept running. He tried any and all jobs he could think of in an effort to find his calling, while Maddie tried every look she could find in an effort to try and hide her appearance. Evan was more than happy to join both in support and to avoid being recognized as no doubt Doug had figured out that Evan was with Maddie.

They had been brunettes for a time while in New York, platinum blondes in the Florida Keys where Evan was a bartender, Black hair in Montana where he worked as a ranch hand and Maddie helped the local Veterinarian. His favorite might have been the blue hair they had while in Settle which they left due to the incessant rain. They even tried red hair while in Kansas but got caught in a tornado so none of them wanted to stay there long. Evan did enjoy helping the first responders to rescue victims and then helping the people rebuild their homes, but in the end they both agreed that it wasn’t the place for them.

At that time the private investigator had caught up with them and tried to take Maddie by force when she refused to go with him. The man was an old Marine so Evan had no chance at fighting him off, but fortunately, they had gained a reputation in the community for helping out and some people came in to their rescue. An older woman, whose dog Evan had found and rescued from the rubble of her house, gave them some money to keep running.

“Here, sweethearts, this should get you out of the state,” she told them with a caring smile.

“Oh Mrs. Miller, we can’t take this…” Maddie tried but the old woman was having none of it.

“Nonsense, I know what you’re going through my dear. I didn’t have your bravery to run and I wish I did, so know that you are living the dream of many going through the same thing.” The woman explained wisely, the regret and sadness was clear in her eyes. “Some days, running might seem like too much, but remember that it’s better than the alternative, so run as long as you can because when it comes to your freedom, being on the run is a small price to pay.”

“Thank you!”

Both women had cried and hugged each other for as long as they could before the siblings had to run. They got into Maddie’s jeep and ran off, hoping that someday they could return and thank the kind woman that helped them. Evan had felt useless for not being able to protect his sister so when he saw them recruiting, he decided to join the SEALs, something Maddie had been completely against. 

“Maddie, I need to be able to protect you, to protect us and there is no one more badass than a Navy SEAL.”  

“Evan, this is not something that you do for the wrong reasons. You are signing your life away just to look badass.” Maddie had been disappointed but Evan knew that it was mostly due to her worry for him.

“It’s not just that, it’s about not being powerless for once in my life. About protecting the one and only person that has always been there for me. Don’t you get it Mads, I need to be stronger.”

“Ev,” Maddie sighed in sympathy, understanding her brother’s desire and hating her parents for causing it.

Eventually, he won the argument and with tears Maddie let him sign up. In the first week, Evan had started regretting his decision but he remembered the pure fear in Maddie’s eyes when the private investigator found them, and it fueled him to keep going. The physical aspect of bootcamp and hell week had been easy for him. It was the psychological and emotional aspect that Evan had issues with. He can’t remember how many times he stood in front of the bell ready to ring them and quit but again Maddie’s scared eyes popped into his mind and he went back to his bunk. It became a routine that his CO eventually caught on to and pulled him aside to talk about.

“What’s going on Buckley?”

Evan had been keeping his emotions at bay for so long that he just exploded and told the older man everything. He was ashamed to say that he sobbed before the man, there was no doubt in his mind that he had been a pathetic sight. But the man didn’t show any disgust or disappointment, he had just listened patiently before speaking.

“Look Buckley, you have some serious potential and I can see that you can be a great asset to the SEALs...but you’re right, emotions are something you will need to get a strict control over, that is something I cannot help you with, everyone has their own system that works for them and you need to find yours.” The man had been firm but understanding which had truly shocked Evan but his words in that moment also confirmed his belief that the SEALs just wasn’t right for him.

“I understand Sir,” he declared in dejection.

“...The matter of your sister’s protection, that I can help with.”  

Evan had been ready to quit when the man made him an offer that Evan couldn’t refuse. He offered to give Maddie the benefits and protection a spouse would get and let her live on base. At the time, his sister had been hiding away in some motel that she could barely leave for fear of being caught. The commander called in a few favors and Maddie was able to move into the base in Virginia where no one without a military ID or escorted by someone with one could enter. The commander almost made sure that Doug’s investigator was placed on a blacklist for that base so that a message would pop out if he tried to enter. While his sister still hadn’t been happy with his decision, she was able to relax for the first time in many years.

Evan eventually finished his training and was sent on his first mission with his new team days later. Maddie’s safety became his motive but after a year in the SEALs, it began taking a toll on his mind. He took leave less and less to avoid Maddie seeing him slowly losing himself. He didn’t want to ruin the peace that Maddie finally had. The older woman had finally settled down and made a life for herself with friends, she even worked as a nurse in one of the clinics on base.

While she never left the base, she was happy and Evan could not take that away from her, no matter how much it hurt him to basically turn his humanity off for every mission. Unfortunately for him, Evan was good at his job, and competence, he learned, was usually rewarded with more work. He wanted to quit but he was confused and unsure of how or if that was the best decision. Eventually, the decision was made for him when on a mission he was shot in the head leaving him nearly dead.

He doesn’t remember much from the mission or the time after but apparently whatever he did got him a medal. Maddie told him he was in a coma for weeks and the doctors weren’t sure that he would survive let alone what sort of brain damage he would end up with. He only made it by the grace of God and the amazing work of the medical team. After that, physical therapy took up most of his life, but all those days were also a blur to him. Apparently, it was a side effect of getting shot in the head.

“So you’re more forgetful than usual, big deal.”

Maddie called it being forgetful while he called it brain damage. The doctors said that the gaps he had in his memory before and during the mission might never come back but that for everything else all he needed was time. That didn’t soothe Evan’s pain especially when he also suffered from hand tremors. The tremors did get him honorably discharged so there had been a silver lining. Through it all, Maddie stayed by his side with all his physical therapy and speech therapy as he basically had to relearn to speak.

It took years for him to not feel like he was constantly under water and overwhelmed, the gaps in his memories didn’t stop the nightmares from assaulting him. The ‘forgetfulness’ was frustrating while the tremors made him angry every time he dropped a cup or needed Maddie to button a shirt. Those had been ‘t-shirt and sweatpants’ kind of days. After he got better they decided to move again but this time leaving the country for some time. They backpacked Central and South America, Maddie found a passion in providing medical assistance to people in the poor and rural villages while Evan went back to his bartending roots which helped in gaining his hand coordination.

It had been the happiest either of them had been in years. Evan slowly began to heal physically, mentally and emotionally, he found a version of himself that he was happy with and stuck to it. He saw how happy the children in the villages were despite the poverty they found themselves in, and decided to take a page from their book. That was the birth of the ‘golden retriever’ Evan that all his current friends teased him so much about.

He found joy and pleasure in seeing the good in the world and giving everything a positive light. Not that the dark thoughts and memories weren’t there just that they were no longer the protagonist in his life and mind. He even tried bleaching his hair which made Maddie laugh every time she saw him, but he thought it looked good. They settled in Peru for a while renting a little shack. Evan started picking up partners to drive away the darkness that threatened to come back in the dead of night. He needed to distract his mind from playing his least favorite movies.

Maddie insisted that it was not healthy but Evan was content with the way things were even if he always felt lonely and empty the next morning when the partners left. His sister did not approve, but she didn’t understand, no one ever did. It was like his brain was having a battle on whether to torture him or heal him. To not go crazy, he needed to keep it constantly busy. Evan developed the habit of searching random stuff but their internet connection had been spotty. 

“You just need to find fulfilling and busy work,” his sister had advice, not happy about his new habits.

That was how he found himself in L.A applying to the LAFD, Maddie had chosen to stay in Peru to continue helping out. She enjoyed the work and she wasn’t fucked up like Evan, so there was no reason for her to leave everything when she was happy and safe. It would also put her in territory that Doug could reach so Evan preferred she stayed in Peru. 

Being in L.A felt like a fresh new start and that was when Evan became Buck, the impulsive, playful and carefree kid that everyone assumed ran away from his problems and took nothing serious. He made a whole new life for himself and for the most part he was happy with it, although at night the darkness still creeped in.

Buck knew he took to the new life and personality a little too far when he first got fired for it; fortunately, he got his job back right away so he promised himself to find an even medium. That was when he met Abby and he got into his first serious relationship. ‘And that worked out so great for me’, he couldn’t help but think sarcastically. 

Eventually Maddie joined him in L.A which made him extremely happy. Once his sister arrived, it felt like life was starting to be good once again. He had Maddie and a family that he had found. It was all even better when Eddie joined that family and brought in Christopher with him. But Buck was learning that he couldn’t have something good or be happy for too long before karma and life decided to throw him a curveball.

‘I must have done some horrible shit in a previous life.’

But then the truck bombing and the tsunami happened and it all went to hell in a blazing ball of fire. The darkness was back in full effect and apparently in the time that he kept it away, it had only gained strength. Even worse, no one understood him, not even Eddie who had been to war or Maddie who knew everything. He needed the work to keep himself sane but Bobby didn’t listen and instead became part of the darkness so in an act of possible insanity, he sued the department. He knew that it was an act of desperation because the nightmares were eating him alive and everyone was too busy with their own lives to help or even notice. But his actions had only made everything worse because everyone turned their backs on him and for the first time since Maddie moved out of their parents’ house, Buck was truly left alone to his own thoughts.

The flashes of memories long forgotten played in his head every night like a horror movie and the tremors came back stronger than ever. Then on top of everyone being angry with him and ignoring him, his best friend snapped and called him exhausting. With this the fragile wall Buck had created to keep the trauma at bay, shattered. All his shields crumbled and he saw the moment that Eddie got a glimpse at the dark monster inside of him. Brown eyes widened and the man opened his mouth to apologize or continue berating him, Buck wasn’t sure and he wasn’t staying to find out, instead he ran out of the store. Driving away almost as if he could outrun the darkness that chased him like a scorned lover.

He found himself on a bridge out of town as the flashes from that last mission hit him. They weren’t full memories, more like feelings, sounds, smells but with them came the feeling of worthlessness. “You’re exhausting!” The words kept playing like a song he never wanted to repeat but refused to leave his brain. It was all making it hard for him to see and the shaking made it impossible for him to pick up his phone which had been ringing non-stop. 

“Waste of space,”  the voices of the people he cares about taunt him. 

“You’re a disappointment,” over and over again.

“Your existence causes nothing but pain…” His mother’s voice sneered. 

Buck grew closer to the ledge, he looked down to see nothing but darkness and he thought about how fitting it was that the darkness inside him would truly consume him. The ringing phone kept distracting him but as he went to turn it off, he noticed that the call coming in was from a number he didn’t recognize. Buck didn’t get calls from unknown numbers unless they were spam. He doesn’t know what pushed him to answer but much later he would be glad that he did. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Evan Buckley, son of Margaret Buckley?” the voice of a man asked. 

“Yes, who’s this?”

“Oh good,” the man sighs in what seemed like relief. “You don’t know me, my name is Detective Danny Williams,” the man’s title worried Buck.

“Is my mother okay?” Buck was not sure why he cared, his mother clearly hated him but a part of him still couldn’t make himself hate her.

“What?” The man, Danny,  for a minute seemed almost confused by the question. “Oh yea, this is more about your brother,” the voice on the other end of the phone sounds strong yet unsure.

“I don’t have a brother,” Buck was sure that the man had the wrong person.

“Oh Jesus, of course you wouldn’t know either,” the man on the other line mumbled, indignation so clear in his tone. “It’s kind of a long story, is this a good time to talk?” Buck looked over the bridge down to the abyss that called his name, like a siren’s song but the curiosity was suddenly much stronger and he turned away. This stranger, unknowingly became the lifeline pulling him away from the edge both literally and figuratively.  

“Yeah, I can talk,” that was why he stepped away and declared.

“Good, so I just found out myself but from what I know this is what happened…”

Chapter Text

A few weeks earlier

“So your father didn’t know or agreed to it?” Steve asked as he watched Danny pace back and forth. 

His best friend had stormed into his house with smoke practically coming out of his head. Steve had been in the process of finishing his morning swim, his mother had gone out to meet a ‘friend’ but Steve had his doubts. He was about to call his contact to follow his mother when Danny stormed in and spilled everything about his deep dark family secret. 

“No!” Danny exclaimed with his usual flair. “Apparently some wacko stole his sample. I mean who does that?!” Danny’s face twisted in disgust.

“Danny, are you sure it wasn’t just a mix-up?” Steve knew how Danny tended to make a storm in a glass of water. ‘It’s his specialty,’ the man thought with affectionate exasperation. “Maybe this couple got the wrong sperm sample from a sperm clinic.” Steve tried to calm his friend down before he exploded, a part of him was glad that for once it wasn’t his family drama being aired.

“No, because my father's sample wasn’t even supposed to be at a sperm clinic,” Danny explained more calmly. “They took it to do some lab work. It makes no sense that they would get their hands on it unless they were looking.”

“Is it possible that it was some obsessed ex?”

“Nah, my parents were high school sweethearts,” Danny explained with clear pride.

“Who steals sperm?” Steve wondered, genuinely curious. 

“That’s what I said! Is there an echo in here?” Danny snarked. Steve rolled his eyes used to the blonde’s dramatics although he also felt that there was something fishy about all of this.

Danny explained how his mother told him that at the time, his father had been having some issues when they were trying for Matty so the doctor sent him to get some labs done which included a sperm sample. A few days later, they got a call from the hospital claiming that his samples had been lost. “My parents just thought it had been misplaced so they didn’t worry especially since my mom found out she was pregnant with Matty so the tests were no longer needed.” 

“So what changed?” Steve asked, starting to look at this as another case.

Danny explained how about a year or so later an ex-employee reached out to them and revealed that there had been a scandal within the clinic that the higher ups wanted to keep silent but that it might involve them. Apparently, someone had been selling not only patient information but also their samples, one of which had been his father’s sperm.

“Of course, my parents immediately looked into it,” Danny said. “Turned out it had been true and the clinic had shut down, all the employees involved were arrested.”

“Did they ever find out who took the sample?”

“They never told my parents what was done with the sample or who had it. Eventually, during the interrogation it was revealed that the clinic sold it to a nice couple that at the time had been trying to conceive.”

When Danny told him this, while the blonde and his parents sounded understanding of the couple, Steve got a bad feeling. If the couple had been struggling with fertility why not go to a specialist, or purchase sperm from a bank instead of getting it illegally. “Do they know who the couple was?” Steve asked, falling into the mindset of ‘Five-0 commander working a case’ which Danny noticed and immediately shook his head. Steve could see the rant and reprimand coming which made him sigh.

“Don’t even think about it. My family business is not a case for you to solve,” the blond declared.

“Then why come and tell me?” Steve shrugged.

“Because you’re my friend and that’s what friends do. You don’t hear me complain or try to fix your family’s extensive drama.”

“You do actually,” Steve mumbled although Danny heard and sent him a glare. Steve could almost see him sucking a breath in, preparing for a long drawn out rant that won’t stop until Steve concedes.

“Then how do your parents know a child was born from your dad’s sample?” Steve decided it was best to deviate his friend's attention which worked perfectly although he was sure Danny noticed what he was trying to do but fortunately let it go.

“Dad had a buddy of his checking things out for the last few years, more out of curiosity than genuine worry,” Danny explained. “But recently they found out that a successful insemination had been done to a Madison Smith, obviously a fake name.” Steve nodded in agreement that was definitely a fake name, a name only an amateur would choose.

“So they didn’t get the kid or the couples’ real name?”

“No, they weren’t even sure the child made it, until they contacted some nurse that had been in the clinic where the insemination was done and she confirmed.” Danny couldn’t help but sigh, it was all giving him a headache. “Apparently, she got close to ‘Madison’ and they had a bet on what the child would be. Nine months later, the woman called to tell her that the baby was born and it had been a boy.”

“But still they don’t know if the child is still alive now?” Steve asked getting invested in the story.

“No, it’s probably the reason they told me and not my sisters. They, mainly my mom, want to know, to get closure.” Steve wanted to point out that the baby wasn’t Clara’s but decided against it; beside, he could see that Danny was thinking the same thing.

“Since losing Matty, mom hasn’t been the same,” Danny still seemed to read his mind because he replied to Steve's thoughts. “Hearing that there was a son that could be pa’s, that could be part of the family and just happened to be close in age to Matty, it made her feel…” Danny seemed to struggle with finding the right words.

“But this kid, even if he’s out there, can’t and won’t replace Matt.” Steve explained softly, he understood his friend’s pain but he could also understand the possible child's pain as well. No one deserved to just be seen as a replacement for someone else. “You guys shouldn’t try to make him one, it’s not fair to him or Matt.”

“I know!” Danny exclaimed. Getting his little brother's dead body in a barrel still haunts him and as much as he wanted to turn back time, he knew that he couldn't. “You don’t think I know that! I told her this but even dad wants to know, which they do have a right to know.”

“But not a right to his life,” Steve remained firm.

“No,” Danny agreed, dejected.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to try and find this kid just to tell them that he’s alive and perfectly fine. Then tell them to drop this unless they want to press charges against the parents. Besides, if the kid was alive he would be in his mid to late 20s, they can’t really sue for custody,” Danny joked.

“What if the kid is not fine?” Steve had a feeling that Danny’s parents and even Danny himself with his over-protective, mother-hen personality, wouldn’t be able to let this go if that kid truly was alive.

Danny said nothing but his eyes said everything that Steve needed to know. ‘I might have to work my connections to get Danny out for kidnapping,’ he thought with a joke that even in his own head, fell flat. Steve watched his best friend with worry in his eyes. Danny doesn’t mention that he lost Matty too, his parents weren’t the only ones that might seek some comfort in the new kid and that worried Steve.

Danny was a great detective, no one that has met him would deny it, but at the moment he was starting to question his own abilities. Finding the identity of his possible brother and the sperm thieves was proving to be harder than he thought. Since this was personal, he was trying not to use Five-0 resources and instead called in favors to help him out but he didn’t have fancy connections with pentagon level clearance like Steve. ‘That would have made things so much easier.’ Unfortunately, at this time, Doris decided to act out and hacked into the FBI database after letting Wo Fat go.

“Danny, we don’t know that.”

“Oh, we definitely do.”  Danny remembers the argument this caused between Steve and him.

Doris McGarrett was the sketchiest person that Danny had ever met, the woman had more faces than those Russian dolls. No one could convince Danny that the woman was up to something good, he didn’t trust her as far as Steve with his freakish strength and good arm could throw her. He knew that eventually Doris would fuck up and pull Steve down with her, ‘but she had the worse timing,’ he thought with a groan.

This meant that Danny was on his own although Steve still offered to help but Danny could see that his mind wouldn’t be in it and it wasn’t fair to ask the man to drop everything for Danny’s problems. ‘Although, I’ve done that for him plenty of times but who’s counting.’ 

So far all that Danny has figured out was that the thieves were from the east coast, most likely the northeast area. Danny knew this thanks to the nurse that had been in the clinic where the couple got inseminated which was in New York City. She spoke about their accent sounding like either a update New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, or Pennsylvania accent. The nurse wasn't too sure since at the time she had been fairly knew to the city and couldn't really distinguished accents too much. The phone that ‘Madison’ used to call her, unfortunately had been a burner so there was no tracing it or the area code.

‘All this time, he’s been so close to us,’ it made him wonder if he and his brother had ever crossed paths before and neither of them knew it.

“They also seemed very familiar with the area when we talked about traffic and best routes to take but not familiar enough when we talked about local restaurants.”  

Unfortunately, she can’t remember their faces as she was much older than she had been back then and her mind wasn’t what it used to be. This meant that her words couldn’t really be taken at face value, although Danny used his instinct and decided to trust them. With the pieces of information found, he confirmed his brother was born in the early nineties. Technology had been better than when Danny was born but it had still not been great so most trails were still on paper. 

Even worst, most places still haven’t bothered to transfer their old paper files to computers and this clinic was one of them so hacking wouldn’t really help much. Again, Steve offered to help but with nothing to hack and being busy stalking his mother to make sure she doesn’t do another runner, the man was pretty much useless. 

Not that Danny didn’t appreciate him trying to help but more than that he wanted Steve to be focused on Doris because as much as a major part of him hated the woman and wanted Steve to cut all contact, the detective in him could feel that the woman was up to something. ‘We all know she let Wo Fat go and now this thing with the FBI…’ Danny sighed, feeling a headache coming on. ‘The way she smiled at Steve as if sharing his genuine concern…’ it infuriates him how much of a narcissist this woman was. 

‘Women like Doris should never be mothers, it’s not in their nature to care about anyone but themselves,’ Danny didn’t believe for one second that the woman regretted what she did and wanted to reconnect with her children. 

He was sure there was another reason for her return and it wasn’t for the children she didn’t hesitate to abandon when they needed her most. Unfortunately, Danny cared too much about Steve to tell him that his mother was a narcissistic sociopath, he also noticed the man was still desperately trying to believe that his mother loved and cared about him and his sister. 

‘He’s not ready to face the truth, it’s also something that no one can tell him, he has to realize it himself.’ Danny knew that Steve was aware that he was not a fan of the SEAL’s mother. But as honest and blunt as he was, Danny didn’t want to be the one to break the news to his best friend who, in his opinion, had already been hurt enough.

‘He needs to find someone who is completely devoted to him and would appreciate his absolute love and devotion.’ Danny thought, but it sounded impossible since there was only one creature who would give Steve what he needed without ulterior motives. ‘Maybe he just needs to adopt a dog.’

Even worse, the constantly absent apple of Steve’s eyes and invisible love of his life, Catherine was jumping on the ‘forgive Doris, she’s so cool and badass’ bandwagon, letting herself get swept away by the CIA, ‘because there is no way I believe that bitch is no longer a spy’ agent’s manipulation. Danny would admit that he liked Catherine, at first, and that was only because she seemed to be completely devoted and loyal to Steve, something she showed by constantly dropping everything and risking her career when the man called. 

As a best friend, he couldn’t help but think that even with how crazy and intense he could be, Steve deserves nothing less, so he thought she was perfect for him and even thought Steve lucked out. But as he got to know her and spent time with her, something just didn’t click. At first, Danny just thought that it was that the two were clearly at different points in their lives and careers, they wanted different things. That was not necessarily something to end a relationship over, if the couple was willing to talk and compromise.

‘They compromise alright,’ Danny thought with a sneer. ‘By doing what Catherine wanted to do while Steve waits at home like a loyal dog until she is satisfied or has an itch to scratch for a few days.’ Danny wouldn’t think this was a problem but Catherine seemed to come whenever Steve was ready to move on. ‘She claimed to miss him but never enough to stay.’

He couldn’t help but think of Steve as the home cooked meal that Catherine came back to whenever she felt nostalgic or the life she chose became too much and she needed some stability for a few days. To Danny, it always feels like Steve was the reminder of why she enjoys traveling around risking her life, ‘I mean saving people’ and that’s not a good thing.

‘Who wants to be the reminder of why life was more exciting without them?!’ 

Supposedly, Catherine wants to make a difference or help others but there were plenty of ways to help back home with her boyfriend. Steve even asked her to join Five-0 which had plenty of danger and excitement. And at first, Danny understood the need to spread her wings, Catherine had lived all her life in the military. But after years, it somehow still wasn’t enough and that was when Danny knew it was all bullshit. 

‘In my opinion, she just wants to have her cake and eat it too,’ these were all thoughts that Danny never shared with anyone, especially Steve. One, because everyone seemed to think that Catherine was perfect for Steve, and two, because his best friend always looks so happy when the woman gives him scraps of affection.

‘That definitely has to be connected to some sort of mommy issue,’ Danny knew he could no longer talk since he had family drama of his own, although to his family’s credit this drama was not of their own making.

“Hey Danno, any luck?” Danny turned to see Steve standing at the door to his office as if his thoughts summoned the man. He couldn’t help but think that Steve was objectively a handsome guy, it wouldn’t be hard for him to find someone interested although finding someone that could deal with the crazy was another case entirely.

‘I should set him up with someone, it shouldn’t be too hard finding someone better than Catherine.’

“Narrowed it down to the northeast coast,” Danny replied instead of saying what he was really thinking about.

“That’s good,” Steve exclaimed with a smile. “So what, you're going to ask around about a blond boy born that same year?”

“We don’t know he’s blond, and checking births that year would be too much but maybe I could get the list of births that were the product of insemination.”

“If they got the sperm illegally, you think they would say it was insemination?” Steve wondered.

“They have to, at least for the health of the mother and child even if they lie about the donor.”

“Want Chin to look that up?” Steve offered. Danny noticed that the man didn’t offer his own eyes as help and that was very telling.

“No, I have a contact getting me that information. Thanks babe.” Steve smiled like a dog wagging his tail at being called a ‘good boy.’ Danny was sure the SEAL was unaware of the massive praise kink that he had or at least the thirst for approval. Something the two women in his life didn’t hesitate to abuse and use to their advantage along with his eagerness to please those he loves and respects.

‘But I’m sure that has to do with being a soldier more than any family drama.’ 

It took a few days but Danny’s contacts came through for him and got him the records of all births from that year that were through insemination. With Kono’s help, he narrowed it down to the areas he was looking for and like Steve suggested, tried to focus on babies with similar features to his father or his father’s family. 

“These are a lot of names,” Kono winced once they had the list narrowed down. Despite this, she still took a pile to go over. Danny made a note to get her a spa day or something as a thank you while he took a pile of his own. 

Steve had, once again, offered to help but apparently Doris needed bailing out from a situation she caused so he soon had to run and find her. ‘Shocker! An innocent mother that has nothing to hide, is up to something sketchy and needs her son’s help to bail her out of the problem she didn’t want to tell him about, went out of her way to keep secret, and insist she has nothing to do with covert ops because she’s out of that business yet she can’t call the cops.’

Danny almost said this out loud and it was only a subtle jab from Kono that stopped him. His exasperation must have been so clear that even she saw it. The fact that Steve, badass Navy SEAL and his best friend who knew him better than anyone, didn’t notice says a lot about the state that Doris has him in.

About an hour into their search, Danny ordered them lunch and they were joined by Kamekona who insisted on helping. Danny didn’t really trust his eyes, especially since the man wouldn’t shut up but still thanked to him since they got through all of Jersey and most of New York thanks to his help. 

Chin Ho, who joined them around lunch time, would go over the ones they highlighted as possible, looked up their information on file. As much as he didn’t want to use Five-0 resources for this, Steve pulled rank.

Despite the help, by the end of the day they hadn’t even touched Connecticut as they were still on the rest of New York and Pennsylvania. It was getting dark when Kamekona declared he had to leave since he had to go back to work. This meant that they were one man down.

“Bruh,” Chin Ho called. “I think I might have found him.” Danny and Kono rushed to the screen, ignoring how their aching muscles cracked. On the screen there was the file of one of the boys who had been born in New York. 

“Why are you so sure, cos?” Kono asked, feeling already invested in finding the missing Williams. “I only pulled him out because he had blonde hair and blue eyes like Danny.”

“Evan Buckley,” Danny read the name on screen, a part of him expected to feel something. He hoped to get a ‘ding’ that would tell him that this was the one but he felt nothing but curiosity.

“Well, I looked him up like the others and found this,” Chin Ho pulled up Evan files.

“He’s a firefighter, like dad,” Danny read. “Doesn’t really mean that he’s family.”

“Not that, this,” Chin Ho walked over and showed them the picture of a blond-haired blue-eyed little boy but he pointed at the red blotch on his forehead. “I remember you have a picture of your grandparents and one of them had a mark like that. Those tend to be hereditary.”

“Or they could be caused by an accident or sickness,” Kono said playing devil’s advocate. She did not want Danny to get his hopes up before they were sure. 

Danny heard Kono’s words but once the mark was pointed out, he couldn’t focus on anything but the mark. Looking at it, he almost gasped because this mark wasn’t just similar to the one his grandmother had but it was actually the exact same, even the placement was the same. 

“Although he is tiny so he might be a match after all,” Kono joked, reading the height and weight in the birth certificate. Danny ignored the comment and kept reading his possible little brother’s birth record.

Father: Philip Buckley

Mother: Margaret Buckley

Born: Ithaca, New York  

“Chin, can you get me his parents’ information?” Danny wondered if they were still in New York which he doubted because if they knew what they were doing there was no way that they would stay there and possibly get caught. 

“Why his parents? He’s an adult now, I’m sure you can contact him directly.” Kono wondered, confused.

“Yea, but I want to confirm before I contact him and the parents are the only ones that can do that without a DNA test,” Danny responded.

“Are you sure they’ll talk? This might be some deep, hidden family secret.” Chin Ho suggested, knowing first hand how families, especially the older generations, got with past mistakes and secrets.

“They will if they don’t want to go to jail,” Danny threatened.

“They could have been innocent,” Kono defended, always trying to see the good side of people.

“Then they would have no reason not to talk.”

Danny decided to wait until the next day to call the parents. Kono had a feeling this was a bad idea. Chin Ho knew that this was a bad idea. Grover, when he returned from his vacation to the mainland and everything was explained to him, declared, “of course it was a damn bad idea” very loudly and for all to hear. Still there was nothing they could do but watch the wreck happen before their eyes and hoped Steve arrived in time to avoid any casualties.

‘Although he’s too busy trying to keep his mother out of jail,’ they all thought in unison.

“How long has he been in there?” Grover asked as he continued to stare at Danny pacing around his office while on his phone, talking to someone.

“An hour,” Kono replied with a wince at a particularly hard yell from Danny.

“Are you fucking serious!?”

Jerry had gotten them the Buckley parents’ phone number, it turned out that the couple had settled down in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Danny had gone into his office to make the call which started out fine but then it escalated and the yelling started. At first, they could just see the wild hand gestures which was normal for Danny whether he was ranting or not. But then the yelling broke through glass walls and Danny’s anger was clear for all to hear. Kono had secretly sent a text to Steve, despite Danny wanting them to leave him out of it. She was hoping that he would come in time to calm Danny down before he went nuclear but she was losing hope because their were almost there and Steve hadn't replied to her message.

Danny knew that he had a temper, he had a short fuse and tended to burn bright and loud. But he promised himself to go into this call, calm and patient, he would try not to judge and just listen. His resolve began to crack when Phillip and Margaret, who was in the background, completely denied having anything to do with the stolen sperm, they even denied that their child was an insemination.

“He is our son!” At first, he admired what seemed to be their parental love for their son and understood their fear of not wanting to lose Evan.

“I understand how you feel, he will still be your son…” Danny tried to explain softly.

“That boy continues to cause nothing but trouble,” Margaret suddenly cracked and Danny’s good will evaporated.

“Excuse me?”

It was clear that the two were not criminal masterminds because soon they began to give themselves away. They told him about their ‘real’ -their words not his- son’s illness and how they couldn’t find a donor for the boy so a doctor suggested making one. Danny stored that information away so that he would later find that doctor’s name and make sure they were never allowed to practice anywhere. 

“If we got a sperm donor that had a high possibility of being a match for Daniel then the chance that the baby born would be a match would be higher,” Phillip declared as if Danny was going to say ‘oh okay, that makes, all forgiven.’ 

It completely skipped Danny’s notice that the so called ‘real’ son was also named Daniel, he was too busy breathing and trying to stop himself from snapping.

“And you decided not to go to a sperm bank like an upstanding citizen would?” Danny asked sarcastically.

“Of course we did!” He heard Margaret yell in the background.

At first, they denied knowing how the sperm was obtained but after a few threats, they simply revealed that a woman told them that she could help them for a price so they paid her and asked no questions. There was so much entitlement in their voices when Danny judged their decision instead of agreeing with them. “It was to save our son!”  

Danny was beginning to hate Margaret Buckley so much, all the woman did was cry and screamed, it was giving him a headache. As a detective, he also recognized it for what it was, emotional manipulation from someone that was used to making themselves the victim and getting their way. 'Her and Doris could be best friends.' He mostly turned and paced around his office trying to control his breathing as the man talk but his wife screeched louder. 

'Hey Doris, I got you a new friend, she's also a narcissistic bitch praying at being a mother and failing horribly in everyone's eyes but her own.' Danny got a little pleasure at imagining Doris face if he were to tell her this.

Focusing back on the couple, Danny didn’t have to be a detective to hear the clear discontent and resentment they seemed to feel towards their younger son. To his immense fury, the one who seemed to be the loudest about their displeasure with Evan’s existence was his mother, the only one with a biological connection to him.       

“Are you fucking serious!?” he finally exclaimed. “You decided to not only illegally steal someone’s sperm but also have a child, an actual human being, for parts and then instead of fixing your mistakes you chose it was better to ignore it. Am I understanding this correctly?”

“Our little boy died, you wouldn’t understand!” Margaret cries but Danny cuts off any further blubbering.

“I’m a father and I will never neglect any of my children no matter what,” he declared. “If something happened, I would get my shit together because they count on me, because I’m the fucking adult!”  

“Evan didn’t make it easy…” once again, Margaret exclaimed softly. The woman seemed to wear the pants in the relationship, it was clear that she was the mastermind. 

‘Her and Doris would really get along great,’ he thought just as he saw Steve arrive and walk into his office. ‘Because he has no sense of personal space or respects boundaries,’ Danny thought, he knew that his best friend didn’t even know what those were.

“They're not supposed to!” Steve walked over to him but didn’t stop him from yelling. “You decided to have him, that was your choice, not his ! Why should he have to pay for and carry your sins, to bear your guilt, just so you can get some relief! Grown the fuck up!” At those words, Steve raised his eyebrows, asking a silent question that Danny did not have the capacity to answer while dealing with the most frustrating people he has ever met.

‘And I fucking met Doris and Catherine who play with my best friend like he’s a fucking yoyo. That’s not even mentioning Rachel,’ Danny thinks with a scoff.

“You have no right,” Philip finally says, although his tone was too soft. 

“I have every right as Evan’s half brother,” they gasped and Danny realized that he hadn't told them who he was and why he was calling. “Yea, the son of the man whose sperm you stole and also a detective. You’re lucky I’m not throwing your ass in jail. If it was up to me you would never see Evan again because you don’t deserve him and you sure as hell don’t deserve to be parents.”

“You don’t know Evan,” Margaret declared. Steve makes a calm down gesture, when the SEAL was being the voice of reason then things have really taken a turn. Danny took a deep breath but then Margaret continued talking bullshit about Evan and how much of a failure he was, “he’s so needy, selfish, spoiled, and childish.”

“I might not know him but hearing you is enough for me to understand him. And you know what, I think Daniel was the lucky one because in death he got away from you…!” Danny spat out.

“Danny!” Steve finally intervenes and takes the phone from him. Everything was white noise after that so Danny doesn’t know what Steve tells them but he heard his best friend’s badass Navy SEAL ‘can kill someone with a finger’ voice. 

“I am Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett,” Steve pulled rank but Danny just walked out of the office, letting his best friend deal with the infuriating people.

“Chin, can you find Evan and his current whereabouts?” His tone was still tense.

“I guess the call didn’t go well,” Grover declared.

“They stole sperm and had a baby for parts then later neglected that baby and even seem to blame him for the ‘parts’ not working as they wanted,” Danny gave him a look. “What do you think?”

Everyone winced as they all knew how cases of child neglect, abuse or just horrible parents hit Danny. The fact that he had a personal connection to this particular case made things more dangerous. “Yea, but are you sure that contacting him is a good idea, bruh?” There was a stormy look on Danny's face, one they had only seen when it pertained to Grace, Charlie or when Steve would go AWOL.  There was no doubt that Danny would find the information without their help.

“Danny,” Steve walked over cutting the conversation. “What the hell?” the man finally demanded an explanation.

It only took a few days for Chin Ho to find the current location of  Evan Buckley. He waited until it was just him and Danny in the office before sharing his finds. “The kid is not really trying to hide,” Chin Ho declared at seeing all the public social media accounts although there hasn't been a post for months almost a year.

“He looks like nonna,” Danny says with an almost wistful sigh.

  “There is something interesting,” Chin pointed out.

“He was in the Navy?!” Danny declared exasperated. On the screen there were files that were mostly redacted. “I’ve only seen that in the CIA or with special forces like…” Danny rolled his eyes because of course his little brother would also be a neanderthal super seal like Steve. 

“Steve is my bad luck charm,” he sighs, making Chin Ho chuckle.

For a while, they couldn’t find anything on the kid after he was discharged, not even contact information. Danny didn’t have the connections or sway that Steve had in the military to get that information. He didn't ask his friend since the man would tease him about having a brother who was a SEAL but also Steve didn't fully agree with Danny contacting Evan and possibly turning his life upside down. Fortunately, the name popped up again in L.A of all places, first it was a news article interviewing firefighter Evan Buckley. This led them to a story about a firefighter trapped under a fire truck and everyone rushing over to help. 

“He looks so young,” Chin Ho declared as they watched the video and winced at the young man’s screams.

Danny remembers this story, his father had called him and they talked about it for hours. ‘Who would have thought that he was talking about his own son.’ When his father was in the FDNJ, his mother would insist that they listen to all news stories and articles about firefighters even if it wasn’t his dad’s station. Firefighters' family were a very tight knit community, constantly helping each other out. After that it became a habit to look up firefighter news and share in the family’s sorrow or rejoice in their victories. 

At the time, Danny had looked it up online to get more information, more out of curiosity and professional interest since there had been news of random bombings in L.A that interested him. He had finally smiled when he found an article that confirmed that the kid, ‘apparently my brother’, had actually been in recovery. 

Looking at him now, the kid looked so much like his grandmother that it was almost jarring. He had her tender eyes, birthmark and even the same blonde hair. Most of Danny’s siblings took after their mother's side of the family, Danny was the only one that got any features from his father’s side of the family. ‘Until now,’ the kid even seemed to have gotten his father’s height, it was like watching a younger version of his father and it filled Danny with warmth. Somehow, Evan already felt like family, not a replacement or an addition, just someone that was always meant to be there. 

Danny called in a favor to get the kid’s direct number for his father and give him the choice. But then what Steve called his ‘overprotective mother hen’ side popped up. He didn’t know if this kid was a threat, he might look all sweet and wholesome but he had also been a Navy SEAL so he couldn’t judge a book by its cover. Danny decided to call the kid and access for himself before talking to his father. As the phone rang a part of Danny begged that the kid wouldn’t pick up.

“Hello?” But he did and now there was no going back.

Chapter Text

Buck hadn’t thought that things could get more overwhelming and chaotic in his life but then he got the call from a stranger and Buck was proven wrong. After his call with Danny, Buck felt like he was running on autopilot or at least like he was having an outer body experience while someone else had control over his body. He tried to go over the conversation he just had with his so-called older brother but nothing came almost as if it had been so long ago that he could not recall. Buck knew that it was due to the shock from what had been revealed. He knew what was said but when he tried to replay it, nothing came except one sentence. 

“Turns out you’re my younger brother…” 

He had an older brother that he knew nothing about and that wanted to meet him. ‘Well, actually it turns out I have two older brothers I never knew about.’ Getting back into his car after the call, Buck was suddenly hit with a wave of emotions. The shock apparently couldn’t remain until he arrived home. It was like going through the tsunami again, his hands trembled so bad that his phone fell with a loud crash. It took him an embarrassing long time to realize he was crying or that his phone was ringing nonstop.

But he couldn’t even grab it and that just added some frustration to the otherwise overwhelming wave of emotions that hit him. He managed to eventually turn his phone over to at least see who was calling him and saw that it was Maddie. Suddenly, he wondered if his sister knew about either of his long lost brothers or that her and Buck were only half siblings. Fortunately, the ringing eventually stopped and Buck saw that he had nearly twenty missed calls and almost as many voicemails, he could only wince at the number of text messages. His first thought was that something had happened to someone and they were trying to reach him to let him know. 

Evan, please call me back. Let me know if you're okay, please. I’m worried.

Then another message from Maddie came through so the next time the woman called despite his shaking fingers Buck managed to pick up. “Evan!” his sister immediately exclaimed.

‘Half sister,’ he thought. 

“Oh thank god! Where are you? Are you okay? Chim called me, said you and Eddie had a fight,” to her credit Maddie sounded genuinely worried. Thinking about the grocery store one-sided argument with Eddie made breathing even harder. 

“Maddie,” Buck sighed sadly. 

His sister must have heard it in his voice, “tell me where you’re at, I’m coming to get you.” That had an order not a request. Hearing that someone still cared about him made Buck cry while Maddie’s shouts in panic in the background. He doesn’t remember much after that, maybe because of his injury or maybe he was just too overwhelmed but the next thing he remembered was laying on his bed with Maddie by his side.

“Welcome back,” she smiled sadly.

“What happened?” Buck asked, his voice hoarse.

“You told me where you were,” there was a dark look in her eyes. She must have figured out what Buck was doing there. “We will talk about what you were doing there later.” Buck winced knowing that there were usually very little reasons why someone would be alone, late at night on a bridge. It was also not the first time that Maddie caught him about to do something like that. When he was first discharged, it became so common that after a while a police was always patrolling the bridge and weren’t surprised by Buck’s presence. 

“You were shaking and out of it,” Maddie’s words kept him from traveling too deep into his mind. “So I drove your jeep over to your place. Fortunately, you were still movable so I didn’t even have to try and carry you.”

“I’m sorry,” it was the only thing Buck could think to say.

“Don’t! You have nothing to apologize for, just tell me what happened?” Maddie asked in her protective older sister tone. He always felt guilty because Maddie never blamed him or felt burdened by his issues. Even now, as his hands tremble, she only held his hands and massaged them lovingly.

“It just became too much Mads and I just wanted it to stop…” Buck confessed.

“Oh Evan,” tears clouded her eyes as she pulled him into her arms. “No more of this being strong for others, you need help so please let us help you.”

He cried in his sister's arms and she ran her hands through his hair like when he was a kid. He refused to believe that Maddie knew about everything, she was the only person that he could always unconditionally trust. He wanted to say that he was going to get help but instead what came out was, “I have a brother.” 

He could feel Maddie freeze and his heart broke, “you know about Daniel?” 

“So you did know?” Buck pulled away with a sigh.

“How did you find out?” Maddie didn’t deny or confirm but her question was enough for Buck.

He got up and he could see the nervousness in his sister’s eyes which looked everywhere except at him. Buck was not going to tell her that his other older brother told him everything. “It doesn’t matter,” he waved her question away. “All that matters is that you knew and didn’t tell me.” Instead, he got his sister to confess about the other brother he had, the one he was meant to save. 

“When you were old enough to donate it was too late, Daniel was too sick,” Buck noticed that her side of the story was different from what Danny told him.

“They needed a donor that would produce a baby that would have a higher chance of being a match for their son. From what I found out, when you were born you were a match and they went through with it despite you being too young, and I swear when I find the ‘doctor’ that went through with this…!”  

After this Danny went into a long rant with a lot of curse words, even without the older man saying anything, Buck knew he was from New Jersey or New York. At the time, he had found it overwhelming yet slightly amusing. It had made him wish he had a person like Danny while he was growing up, having no doubt that the man would fearlessly go toe to toe with his parents to protect Buck. Not that Maddie wasn’t great but she mainly pacified their parents instead of going against them.

Focusing back to his sister who was now crying, Buck wondered if Maddie was lying to him or she was genuinely clueless about the whole truth. ‘Had they hid it all from her too?’ it wouldn’t really surprise him if their parents had. Despite her lie, Maddie had been an amazing big sister, she practically raised him and that was why he wasn’t proud about how he acted.

Unable to take any more, he kicked his sister out and slammed the door in her face. It was just too much and he couldn’t deal with any more betrayal and lies. After that the night was a blur, Buck remembered just collapsing on his bed and ignoring the world until his body was too tired to stay awake. At some point, he had to turn off his phone because it just kept ringing. Eventually, he was woken up by banging on the door because heaven forbid that anyone in his life take the hint that he wanted to be left alone.

“Buck, open this door! I know you’re home!” He wasn’t too surprised by Chimney’s visit or the anger and indignation in his voice. 

‘Let me guess, Maddie is upset. It’s not her fault, you can’t blame her.’ He could almost hear the arguments in his head. 

“Buck, I know you’re upset but you’ve got to understand that Maddie was also in a tough position…” Chimney tried to argue. 

‘Ah, that was my next guess.’ Buck just stared at the ceiling of his bedroom numbed to it all. Even as Chimney made him feel like the worst brother ever, his mind and body had had enough. 

“She’s really upset Buck, just talk to her or at least tell her you don’t hate her. She’s beating herself up for it,” Chimney practically demanded and begged at the same time.

Apparently, Buck was just at home with his thumb up his ass, relaxing after finding out his life had been a lie while Maddie suffered for being one of the culprits of making up that lie. This made him furious and he did something he had never done before, he snapped. 

“Try being the one that was lied to for years and then we’ll talk!” Buck yelled out and his statement was followed by silence. 

“I know it can’t be easy,” Chimney said softly. “But Maddie has always been there for you, if she’s forgiven all the crazy things you’ve done, cause let’s face it, thinking about Buck 1.0, you couldn’t have been the easiest brother…the least you can do…” Those words pissed him off because despite the light tone, they reminded him of similar words that his parents threw constantly in his face. A part of him knew that Chimney didn’t mean anything by them, he was just being himself and trying to lighten the mood with his special form of humor.

“Fuck you! You don’t know anything about me or what I’ve been through so fuck off!” Buck yelled.

The words and the angry tone seemed to surprise the older man on the other side of the door as much as it surprised Buck. But just as Buck was overwhelmed with guilt and was about to apologize, the older man walked away and Buck was left feeling ashamed for losing it. Chimney was only looking out for Maddie, which Buck was truly grateful to the man for. He decided that there was only one person that could give him the answers he needed, so for the first time in years he called his father. 

“Hello,” but the thought was easier than the actuality, that voice made Buck feel like a scared little child all over again. 

“Hello?” his father’s voice called more firmly.

“Am I really not your son?” The words came out as if they had been waiting in line but got impatient and didn’t want to wait their turn.

“Evan, is that you?” Phillip Buckley asked, confused. Buck heard something else in his voice that confirmed more than the older man probably wanted it to.

“You have another son that I’m not aware of, I mean besides Daniel?”

“You know about Daniel?” Philip asked, ignoring the sarcasm. “Maddie shouldn’t have told you…”

“No, she shouldn’t have because that was your job as my father, then again we both know that you're not really my father,” Buck sneered. 

“Of course, I’m your father! I don’t know what has gotten into you but you will watch your tone!” Phillip scolded but still there was the trace of fear and something else in his voice that watered it down.

“I won’t do shit!” Buck exclaimed, pissed off that his ‘father’ was still trying to pretend he had a leg to stand on after what he did. “Maybe it’s the fact that all in a day I found out I had two brothers, one I was born to save and the other wasn’t even aware of my existence, because  I was born from stolen sperm. My so-called parents were so desperate that they risked going to jail over something that wasn’t even guaranteed!” Buck’s anger was louder than ever before. “Did you even want me or did you just keep me to possibly save your son!?” At this point, Buck was angry sobbing. He hated the fact that he was one of those people that cried when they were really angry because it watered down the power of his anger.

‘I wish I was more like Eddie and could just become this wild, terrifying beast.’ 

The silence was more heart wrenching than any response, negative or positive that he could have gotten. He would rather the older man curse him out or snap at him anything but the silence that confirmed more than Buck actually wanted confirmed. It all made sense, his father’s seeming constant distaste and anger towards him or his mother’s dismissal and disappointment whenever she looked at him. Neither of them wanted him but their actual son was sick and they needed a match for him so they made him.

“Oh god!” Buck couldn’t hold back the sobs that escaped as his whole life fell apart in front of him.

“Evan…we tried but you weren’t an easy child,” this time it was the voice of his mother that spoke to him.

“Are you being serious?!” His question was greeted with silence. “Does Maddie know?”

“About Daniel?” He knew that he was on speaker because they both replied.

“No! About the fact that she is my half sister and we don’t share the same father!?”

“No! And you can’t tell her, it would upset her…she’s the only thing we have left,” Phillip declared.

“Oh fuck you! Fuck you and your bitch of a wife!”

“Evan!”

Buck hung up before the man could fully reprimand him, he threw his phone across the room and let out the heart wrenching scream that he had been holding back for what felt like days. It was true that Danny had told him everything but the man was a stranger, if his parents and Maddie had told him it was not true, Buck would have taken their word for it. When he was in the SEALs one of his COs had a saying that they would whine about because it often felt like an ‘I told you so’ from a parent. 

“It’s different to call the devil than to watch him come.” 

Buck’s whole life just crumbled in a matter of days. He lost his job, taken away by a man he thought he could trust; he lost all his friends, his best friend though he was exhausting and won’t even let him see Christopher. He had two brothers he didn’t know about, one of which was dead because Buck failed his purpose to safe him and the other was alive but he’s never met him; his sister lied to him all his life, then he finds out that to his ‘parents’ he was just a bag of parts that turned out to be faulty and to top it all off, from what Danny told him, his birth father might not even want him since he had no say in Buck’s creation.

‘I shouldn't have picked up the phone and just jumped.’

A few hours earlier

Talking to the young man, his little brother, Danny learned three very important things. One, the kid was definitely a baby SEAL, since it took all of his detective skills just to get a read on him. Two, at the same time, the kid was nothing like Steve, there was an almost innocence to him that reminded Danny of a puppy. And three, he was not okay and Danny knew this because when he asked him where he was the kid said home but Danny heard the cars passing by. Even worse, as much as he tried to hide it Danny recognized that voice, it was the voice of someone that had reached the end of their rope and was ready to hang themselves with it. 

Danny didn’t even know him and could clearly hear the kid desperately asking for someone to notice, to help, or just to extend a hand, maybe that was why he lied. “I’ll actually be in LA in the next few days and I was wondering if you wanted to sit and talk…of course no expectations. I just found out and I was really looking forward to possibly connecting.” He knows that the news hit the kid hard but Danny also wanted him to see the positive which was that he had a brother that was desperate and excited to meet him. 

‘The kid clearly needs it,’ there was a long silence on the other line so Danny nudged a little more. “Just because your parents are horrible human beings doesn’t mean that we should pay for it and not enjoy a possibly great relationship. Even if it’s just as friends, I could use more normal friends anyways.” The teasing tone seemed to work and got him a chuckle from the younger man which Danny had counted as a win. 

“I’m not exactly normal,” there was clear self-deprecation in the man’s tone and Danny did not like it.

“Do you wear cargo pants everywhere?”

“No, I have better style than that,” the kid “call me Buck” declared.

“Do you keep grenades or other weapons in your car or your friends cars?”

“Um…?” Danny could tell the kid was trying to see if he was serious, “Not really.”

“Then trust me, you’re normal.” Danny didn’t want to say more and risk scaring the kid away, he counted it as another win when again the kid chuckled and this time he could hear some of the heaviness leave his voice.

“Sounds like you have interesting friends,” Buck said.

“That is one way to put it, he’s a neanderthal, more animal than human.”

“Sounds like fun, I love animals,” Danny was so proud of himself as the kid, his little brother, joked around. 

‘I still got it!’ He was pleasantly surprised that his taming and pacifying super SEALs worked on baby SEALs as well.

“So what do you say, up for a visit from a long lost brother? I know it’s a lot to find out,” Danny asked. He was happy he decided to make this call at home or else Steve would have been breathing down his back.

“Better than being hated by all your friends and family because of your own stupidity,” Buck unknowingly revealed a lot about his situation and Danny tensed although he kept his voice light.

“Wait until you meet our side of the family before celebrating,” Danny teased but he was furious. If he ever met the Buckleys or any of Buck’s friends then he was going to ruin them.

“Yea, sure. Give me a call when you’re in town, at this point I have nothing to lose,” Buck said, the deep sadness and resignation was back in his voice so Danny knew they weren’t out of the woods. 

Danny ignored it for the time being, his ‘emotionally constipated broken super SEAL needs comfort’ radar was going crazy. He hasn’t met the kid and he already wants to protect him. ‘Maybe it’s our shared blood calling to me.’ Still he ignores the tone, he figures the kid has had enough emotional revelations for one night. 

“That’s the spirit!” Danny kept an upbeat tone. He wanted Buck to know that Danny was happy to have a new brother and he was at least one person that wanted to spend time with him. “I’ll keep in touch, now go to bed, kid. It should be past your bedtime.”

Buck laughed and that laugh was so familiar to Danny that it filled him with warmth. He hung up after the kid assured him that he would go to bed and for some reason he wouldn’t calm down until he heard those words. ‘Just met him and I’m already mothering him, Steve will have a field day with this.’

With the 118

After Buck stormed out of the store and Eddie’s anger eased, he could finally think rationally and was suddenly overwhelmed by guilt. Without the source of his anger in front of him, Eddie processed the situation better. ‘Had those been tears?’ suddenly a bunch of thoughts and observations hit him that in his anger he had not noticed or simply ignored. 

“That wasn’t fair,” he turned to see Hen send him a disapproving look that on top of his own guilt made him flinch.

“If the shoe fits,” Chimney shrugged. “Buck has always been selfish and a little entitled but he took it too far this time.” Chimney declared in the casual and snarky way he says almost everything. He always found annoyed that Buck used his privilege whether it be his looks or his age to rub in their faces that he was better than them. 

There was a bias to his tone that Hen expected Bobby to correct as he did with everyone but the Captain just nodded.

“Buck, needs to grow up and understand that behaving like a spoiled child and demanding attention doesn’t work when you're an adult,” Bobby added like a disapproving father.

The rest of the crew nodded except for Hen and Eddie, the woman seemed unsure while Eddie was lost in thought. The guilt of hurting his best friend was pushed back by the niggling anger that in the last few days had seemed to over take him like a vicious tumor. The rest of the shift was relatively calm but as much as Eddie wanted to, he couldn’t ignore the nagging guilt. 

He kept looking at his phone and typing a text that he never sent but if anyone asked he was just being a worried parent. The truth was that he was worried about Buck. Eddie wanted to call him and ask him how he was, a small part of him even wanted to apologize. Buck was his friend, the best and most caring friend he’s ever had. The blond had a pure heart that was completely selfless in his desire to help everyone he met, everyone that met Buck could see this. 

It was unfair to call him selfish, spoiled or entitled, even worse to call him exhausting. If Eddie was honest with himself, he would admit that in the last few months everything to him was exhausting. Buck wasn’t the cause of his anger, the younger man was just the easiest and more comfortable target. He was the only target that Eddie was sure would bounce back or at least forgive him when the time came. It was also easier to aim all his anger at Buck who had conveniently messed up than to tackle all the issues in his head and the real cause of his anger.  

The truth was that Eddie’s life had been falling apart for a while and the control he firmly held was slipping from his hands. Eddie was the cool, calm and collected one, that was how everyone knew him and how he knew himself. It was the only thing that his father seemed to approve of. Eddie needed to hold on to the one thing that made him who he was, the one thing that made people not only like him but also trust and rely on him. Losing control was a weakness that he could not afford. 

‘It was all Buck’s fault!’ he suddenly thought with a sneer. The younger man had made Eddie feel comfortable showing emotions and letting them out. A logical part knew that this was a good thing and none of this was Buck’s fault. But  before he could stop himself, Eddie texted the younger man to express his misplaced anger which only grew when the man didn’t reply back, it made the anger fester, so Eddie decided to call.

“....leave a message after the…” the machine replied.

“So first you’re desperate for me to talk to you and now you won’t even pick up. This is just like you, if everyone doesn’t drop everything and pay attention to you when you want then you throw a tantrum like a child,” Eddie berated ignored the part of him that begged him to stop, this was the only thing besides the fight club that helped him breath, he couldn’t stop.

Chapter Text

After the first call, Danny and Buck agreed to stay in contact and get to know each other before they brought anyone else into this and before they officially met. No matter how much Danny assured the younger man that their father wanted to meet him and even Danny’s mother was excited, Buck was still not ready, which Danny respected. He did tell his father and mother that he found the long lost brother and that he was a firefighter which his father was excited about. 

“Finally! Someone continuing the family legacy.” His father had been so excited and proud of the stranger yet Danny wasn’t jealous because the more he talked to Buck, the more he thought the kid deserved all that and more.

His mother on the other hand practically adopted the younger man after hearing how horrible the kid’s so-called parents were. ‘Wait until she meets him,’ even Danny, who had not officially met the kid knew that he was more puppy than wolf. He kept wondering how this kid could have been a Navy SEAL, if it wasn’t for the sealed records he wouldn’t have believed it. According to Steve, a sealed record could have meant that he did something wrong and was under investigation or the kid handled very sensitive missions, things that the government did not want anyone to know about.

“Like what, overthrowing foreign president or working with the cartel.” Danny had been joking but the look in Steve’s eyes told him he hit the nail on the head.

“Danno, there are different versions of SEALs and special forces in general. Every asset has a different set of  skills that are put to use in different ways.” Steve had explained although hearing that the man couldn’t unsealed Evan’s record was annoying. 

“I don’t have the clearance and even if I did, I wouldn’t do it.” 

It didn’t really surprise Danny that Steve tried to protect the baby SEAL that he didn’t even know. Steve was just as protective as Danny, except that the man went about it in a more chaotic and volatile way. Danny was a ‘I will destroy someone’s life for you’ and Steve was more of a ‘I will kill and torture someone for you’ kind of protective. Despite this, or maybe because of it, Danny was completely against Steve meeting his little brother or even seeing a picture of him knowing the man would stalk him. 

“You are not infecting him with your brand of crazy.”

“Oh come on Danno,” Steve pouted. The man became a little too excited when he heard that Danny’s new little brother was actually a SEAL just like him.

“Don’t Danno me!”

Unfortunately for Steve, Buck already triggered Danny’s protective instincts, the more he spoke with the younger man the more Danny realized that something was deeply wrong. There was a lot of self deprecation, insecurity and self-doubt in the kid’s every word. Danny almost felt like he was faced with a whimpering and shaking puppy that flinched every time he got closed. He expected the kid to have some issues, with the ‘parents’ he had it was a given, but there was something deeper, something current.

He did manage to get the kid to confess that he had not known about his other half brother or that he was meant to save him. Danny winced as he realized that he had been the one to open that pandora box. “Sorry kid, I figure they would have told you,” he immediately apologized. The fact that Buck just waved it away made Danny think that the kid was used to his comfort being overlooked.  

“Don’t be, if anything you’re the only one that hasn’t lied to me,” the younger man declared. “Isn’t that ironic, the family member that’s never met me and just found out I existed, has been more considerate than those that have known me for years. Maybe that just says how exhausting I am.” There was that tone again and Danny didn’t like it. It was very much a ‘no one would really care if I wasn’t here’ tone.

“I think it says more about them than you. Besides, I’m sure it was because they actually know you,” Danny tried to assure more for Buck’s sake than to defend his family and friends.

“Yea, they know how weak I was and that I couldn’t handle it, you mean,” there was the tone again.

“That is not what I said, if it was what I meant then I would have said it. Trust me kid, anyone that knows me will tell you that I don’t hold my words back,” Danny declared.

“You sound like Eddie,” Buck admitted with a chuckle. The younger man proceeded to tell Danny about his best friend.

Hearing Buck ramble, Danny felt like he was getting a glimpse at the true Buck and it made him smile. From his description it sounded like Buck and his best friend were night and day, a dog that adopted a cat. If he had thought Buck had been excited when talking about Eddie that was blown out of the water when he talked about Eddie’s son, Christopher. It was so clear that Buck adored the kid to the point that had he not been told otherwise, Danny would've been sure that Christopher was his kid.

“He sounds like an amazing kid,” Danny agreed.

“Yea, he’s the best!” Buck declared.

“I don’t know about that,” Danny said, remembering his own kids. “I’m a little biased about my own.”

“You have kids?! I love kids,” Buck exclaimed with so much excitement.

(AN: I decided to add Charlie to the story despite him not being born until later on in the show.)

Danny then proceeded to talk about his two children and much like Buck he couldn’t help but ramble about them. Anyone else would have noticed that the brothers shared their ability to go on long passionate rants, Buck about things he loves and Danny about things he hated. Still, it was a comical similarity.

They talked about the good but they also talked about the bad, it seemed that Buck didn’t really have anyone in his corner at the moment so Danny, who was willing to listen and understand, became the one he could unwind with. The older man didn’t mind, he enjoyed actually having the mentor and mentee relationship that he lacked with Matty. His other younger brother had been far too independent and because of their difference in personality and life paths, talking about their troubles became nearly impossible. Matty would never share anything with Danny, ‘because most of the things he did were illegal and I was a cop.’ But he would also groan and whine when Danny tried to share about his work.

There was always a block between them that had them more competing than actually helping each other or getting along. More sibling rivalry than sibling unity, it made for a lot of fighting and arguments, ‘even on the last time we saw each other.’ Matty and Buck were also very different, not that Danny was comparing them but they were like night and day yet similar in their playful nature. The difference was that for Matty everything seemed to be a joke but for Buck, there was a time and place although his playfulness was often to cover up pain.

“Savior baby, that’s what they said,” Buck confessed. He had given in to the guilt and taken his parents calls. “They only kept me so that I could save their actual son and when I failed, they never forgave me for it. I was a screw up from the very beginning, then they had the audacity to say ‘you were always meant to save people Evan,’ can you believe that?!” 

“That’s bullshit, they're just trying to ease their own guilt,” Danny was furious. He had warned the parents about trying to pass their guilt down to their son and wipe their own slate clean. He was furious with the Buckleys and even with Buck’s half sister. He might not be the best dad in the world but who would tell their child that, especially after lying to him all their life. “And don’t believe any of that, their choices and mistakes are not on you, no matter what they say.” 

“A part of me knows this but it’s kind of hard when everyone has shown me the same things,” Buck declared.

“Then fuck them too. Children aren’t born to solve their parents’ mistakes or fix their lives. That was a lot of weight to put on a baby and they are assholes for even trying. To say that your entire life’s purpose was decided the day your were born and all based on a brother you never meant, is fucked up,” Danny couldn’t help but rant. He could tell that there were a lot of abandonment issues and held back resentment in the kid, Buck didn’t feel that he had the right to be angry and Danny was not having that. “Kid, you have every right to be angry at all of them, to resent the treatment you got and hell, even to cut contact with them if you want.”

“Maddie didn’t really have a choice and she didn’t know about me having a different father, she was just as shocked as me,” Buck said tentatively. Danny wasn’t sure if Buck was trying to defend his sister out of desperation to not lose her or because she genuinely didn’t know.

“But she did have a choice, she could’ve told you what she did know. You said that you ran away and were together for years, she had plenty of time,” Danny assured. “What happened was not your fault, your parents are only making it seem that way to relieve their own guilt and grief.”

“If I get mad then I’ll have no one, I don’t have an option but to forgive because if I don’t, I’ll end up alone,” Buck confessed in tears.

“Hey no, that is not how family works. If they love you then they will understand and earn your forgiveness, if they don’t then they don't deserve to be in your life. If they expect you to constantly forgive and forget then that's a one sided and toxic relationship,” Danny explained. “You have to always forgive them but they’re able to become and stay angry at you for as long as they want.”

“Pretty much,” Buck shrugged because that was completely normal for him. 

“Hate to break it to you kid but people like that aren’t really your friends,” Danny winced more for what this revelation would do to Buck than the others that claim to be his friends and family. “You have a right to be angry and not talk to them for as long as you need to.”

Danny felt both angry and helpless as he heard Buck sob on the other side of the line. He wanted to go down to L.A and go all overprotective big brother, knocking heads then taking Buck away from that toxic environment. “Besides, you won’t be completely alone, you have a big brother now and I will warn you, I’ve been told I can be protective,” Danny admitted.

“And overbearing, strict, stiff, nagging…” Steve walked into the house like he owned the place and interrupted his call like the animal he was. “Is that the poor soul that gets you for a big brother?” Steve teased.

“Don’t interrupt my conversation, you neanderthal,” Danny chided. 

“Oh come on Danno,” Steve whined. “You’ve been keeping him all to yourself, we’re all curious.”

“Danno?” Buck asked on the other line. His voice was filled with amusement and interest but fortunately the crying had stopped.

“You see what you’ve done,” Danny complained. “You’re surprised I don’t want him to meet you, it’s because you are such a bad influence,” Danny fell into one of his rants while Steve rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Think about it carefully kid,” Steve spoke loudly so Buck could hear. “This is what you’re getting into.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” Danny takes clear offense to this. In the background, Buck chuckles which Danny was too happy to hear to actually scold him. Steve noticed this and made a questioning face which Danny waved away with the promise to tell him later. Danny was happy he could make the younger man laugh, it eased something inside of him; as if it was a sign that the kid wasn’t completely gone.

“Then we have something in common, people usually think that I’m too much,” Buck declared. Steve, with his super hearing, heard this and he suddenly got a look of realization, as if he now knew why Danny was going easy and being so careful with the kid. Danny sighs, not liking how casual Buck was about his self-deprecation.

“Oh, you don’t know too much until you meet Steve,” Danny deviated attention.

“I resent that!” Steve exclaimed. Once more the best friends fell into an argument which made Buck chuckle, it was clear from the affection in their tone that the two men cared deeply for each other. 

‘They kind of remind me of Hen and Chim. I want to meet them, will they like me?’ Buck wondered as he was almost lulled by the two men’s arguing.

When, days later, Buck finally decided to check his phone’s notifications, he saw a voicemail from Eddie which was just the first of many. Buck had felt so alone since he was injured but in the last few days he had more visitors than in the last few months. His phone was also bombarded by text messages and phone calls that he didn’t pick up. The main culprits were Eddie who called to snap at him and berate him for being selfish and Maddie who called crying and begging him to talk to her and give her a chance to earn his forgiveness.  

“Buck, I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted to protect you from the pain it would cause you, because I knew that you would feel guilty and take the blame somehow.” 

His sister wasn’t wrong and the message brought tears to his eyes. Buck did feel guilty because he failed at the one purpose he was born to fulfill and an innocent died because of it.

“How can I not feel guilty when I failed?” He declared to the empty loft. Despite how many times Danny had told him that it was not his fault, Buck couldn’t help it. Ever since he was born it was bred into him to always apologize and feel guilty for things out of his control.

His mood took a dark turn with each call and message or visit from one of the crew demanding that he stopped behaving like a child. “Are you finally done with your tantrum?!” Buck stared at the knives in his kitchen as Chimney screamed from outside, their gleam was so alluring that he was having a hard time not being pulled in. 

“How can you be so selfish?! Maddie is worried sick, she hasn’t stopped crying and you’re here throwing a tantrum like a little kid because you didn’t get your way!” The knocking was no doubt disturbing the neighbors, he should have just ended it when he had the chance. Buck was beginning to doubt that a brother that he never met was worth him continuing in the emptiness, loneliness, and pain.

In the last few days, everyone had been taking turns knocking him down, pushing him closer and closer to the edge that he found himself in. His new big brother, Danny, called him or texted when he couldn’t call, the older man was clearly trying to keep him afloat and even that made Buck feel guilty. He was making the older man waste his time worrying about him when they haven’t even officially met. 

“I really am too exhausting,” Buck declared softly. “And there is only one way to fix that,” the banging became background noise as the temptation grew harder and harder to ignore. Then he hears a voice he’s been dying to hear for weeks.

“Buck…are you there? Carla brought me to see you because she says you’re not feeling well,” a little voice declared happily. “Maybe we should’ve brought daddy’s keys,” Christopher sounds concerned.

“Chris,” Buck moved so fast that he dropped the knife he didn’t realize he was holding and let it fall to the floor, completely forgotten. He opened the door so hard that he was worried it would fall off the hinges but he couldn’t care less as he saw Christopher smiling at him in the way only he could. “Christopher,” Buck got on his knees and pulled the boy into his arms tightly. 

Tears ran down his face as he felt the boy holding him just as tightly. It was proof that the little boy missed him too, ‘at least someone has.’ He couldn’t really tell how long they stood there for until Carla ushered them inside. He couldn’t let go of Christopher so he picked him up and carried him inside. The boy didn’t complain which said a lot since he was at the stage where he didn’t want to be picked up, kissed, hugged, or have his hair ruffled. 

“I’m not a baby.”

“Carla, how…?” Buck tries to ask after he’s calmed down a little.

“Well, I caught this little terror about to get on an uber that was heading here so I decided if you can’t beat them,” Carla shrugged.

“But what about Eddie?” Buck asked fearfully.

“I won’t tell him if you don’t,” the woman shrugged with a devious smirk.

“Thank you!” Buck was not ashamed that his voice cracked and Carla did not judge him for it, instead the woman stepped away and gave them time together. 

She saw the clean knife on the floor and got a pensive yet worried look when she didn’t see anything being cut or cooked, she didn’t even see anything out. ‘I hope I’m just imagining things,’ Carla couldn't help but think. She had been worried about Buck since Eddie ranted about what happened at the store and how Buck wouldn’t answer his calls. She wanted to talk to him about Eddie’s behavior and strange injuries but she was starting to realize that Buck was drowning in his own lake. 

“How about I make some lunch for us?” 

She didn’t wait for a response and decided to start making something, it hadn’t missed her attention that Buck was much too skinny and pale for her liking. She let the sound of their chatter lull her as she got to work, she was going to make that boy eat something. 

Buck could not remember the last time he truly smiled and felt so light since the lawsuit started. ‘Except for the calls with Danny, that’s the closest I felt to my normal self.’ Even as Christopher was rambling about everything Buck missed, he couldn’t be happier. The boy was so excited that Buck had to remind him to breathe every once in a while. He missed this, not only Christopher but having people over at his place and being able to goof off with them. He kind of even missed their teasing, like being called an unruly puppy, he had always found it a little patronizing but he still missed it because it showed that they cared enough to tease him.

They played, ate lunch and just talked together until it came time when Carla and Christopher had to leave. Spending time with Christopher had been great, it was just what he needed. For the first time in weeks, Buck felt like he did before the fire truck explosion changed everything. He didn’t want to let the little boy leave but he knew that if Eddie found out about his visit then the man would double down harder and Carla might even get in trouble so he sucked it up and hugged him tightly before saying goodbye. 

“It’s going to be okay, kid” and of course, Christopher being his awesome self, tried to comfort him.

Looking around his empty apartment, Buck felt the loneliness set back in. Christopher and Carla reminded him of how much he missed his friends and family. ‘I guess it’s time for me to swallow my feelings and grovel.’ As angry as he was, for Buck it was more important not to lose the little people he still had in his life than to heal himself. Just as he was picking up the phone to call Maddie, he heard Danny’s words play in his head. 

“Hate to break it to you kid but people like that aren’t really your friends…you have a right to be angry and not talk to them for as long as you need to.”  

And he put the phone down, if his sister loved him then she would give him time. And if his friends were truly his friends, they would see the part they had to play in all of this and not expect an apology from Buck for thinking about himself and trying to do what was best for him.

Buck, for the first time, looked over all the text he had gotten and his heart dropped. They were all telling him to stop acting like a child or throwing a tantrum and apologize to Eddie and Bobby. Basically to grovel to them because he was the one that messed up, exactly what he had been about to do. ‘They really do expect me to always compromise and bend,’ he thought. The other texts were telling him that he was being a horrible brother for not forgiving Maddie and blaming her for something that was out of her control.

‘And of course they knew everything already because god forbid there be any privacy.’

Evan, this is childish

I always knew you were a little dramatic Buck but this is too much.

Hey Buckley, grow up!

Buck, this is reeeal mature.

None of them asked him how he was or how he handled the bombshell that was dropped on him. No one wondered if he was healing or even asked if he was okay after Eddie practically tore him apart and humiliated him in public. It was all about them and how he could cater or work around their needs and their wants. Buck didn’t know he was crying until the drops of tears started to fall on his phone, his hands began to shake as he realized that the family he thought he found might not have really been a family at all. 

‘Turns out to them I’m just the family dog, cared for but never as valued as the humans,’ he couldn’t help but think.

I know you’re angry and hurting and you have every right to be.

But at least tell me that you’re not doing anything stupid?

Know that despite what it might seem like right now, you still have people that love you. I love you, little brother, and you were always and will always be one of the most important people in my life.

Buck felt his phone vibrate and he saw that he got new messages from Maddie. At first, he had wanted to ignored them but he was feeling more masochistic than usual so he opened them to torture himself. Reading her words renewed the tears that had been beginning to slow down, this time it was more out of guilt than pain. After reading those messages he felt horrible but somehow he got the strength to text his sister back.

I know you love me and I love you too but right now I can’t forgive you.

I’m really hurt Maddie

I expected this from everyone expect you

And I need time and space to heal 

So please understand that while I can’t forgive you or anyone else right now

I might be able to do so in the future…

Maybe.

Oh yea and call off your attack dog, he’s going to get me evicted with the ruckus he’s causing.

The last text was Buck feeling a little vindictive and petty but for the rest he wasn’t sure where he got the strength to send those words. He felt this pain and deep sense of betrayal that made him want to scream and curse the world out. He thought about Danny, the new older brother he had yet to meet and he wondered what meeting him would be like. He wondered if the older man would be like Maddie, all loving and protective, ‘almost patronizingly so,’ Buck thought with some bitterness. He wondered if the older man would treat Buck like a dumb kid, much like the crew and Bobby did. He kind of hoped it was neither, that the man would be completely different, ‘in a good way’. The calls gave him hope that maybe for Danny, Buck wouldn’t be too much.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe you actually thought you would get away with taking the truck and no one would notice,” Danny declared in disbelief.

“I wasn’t really thinking that far ahead,” Buck admitted sheepishly.

“At least I can rule out you ever being a criminal mastermind,” Danny teased.

“Or committing any crime at all,” Steve’s voice interjected, making Danny roll his eyes.

“This is a private conversation, you neanderthal!”

“Hi Steve!” Buck shouted happily. He has only ever heard the man’s voice at a distance since Danny claims that even talking to Steve would scare Buck away, no matter how much he insisted it won’t.

“I don’t trust him to not try and corrupt you.”

“It’s kind of too late for that, Danny.” 

That had been a fun conversation. Still, Buck let Danny set the pace and he would wait when Danny felt ready to fully introduce him to his best friend and work husband “don’t call him that, he will get ideas. He’s already controlling enough.” He chuckled at the reminder of Danny’s complaint. Despite the restrictions, Steve has joined their calls, in the background plenty of times for Buck to already grow used to Steve and Danny’s relationship dynamic.

“Hey Buck, tired of Danno yet?” Steve teased because he couldn’t help but wind up his best friend. 

Buck just sigh prepared for the rant that was coming and decided to take advantage of this time Steve had bought him. He put the phone on speaker and went about cleaning while Danny’s nagging played in the background.

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

“I’m just saying Danno…” Steve tried to speak.

A part of Buck wondered if Steve was in love with Danny as the man seemed to enjoy and sought out having the detective’s complete attention at all times. It was almost like he couldn’t help wanting to be a part of everything that had to do with Danny. ‘If that’s not love then that’s a level of devotion I envy having directed at me,’ Buck thought with a wistful sigh.

“No, no, don’t Danno mean…”

Buck and Danny were having their bonding call which had become a weekly tradition since their first call, about two months ago. They are something that Buck has begun to look forward to every week. In more recent times, Steve had begun interrupting their calls at some point to push Danny’s buttons. At first, Buck thought that Steve was jealous of the time Danny was spending with him but Danny waved his concern away and later even Steve did the same. 

“You’re actually helping me get a break from this one’s nagging.” Funny that Steve’s words just got him more nagging from Danny. 

After that, Steve’s interruptions just became amusing to Buck, he could clearly hear how much the two men loved each other to the point that he even asked about it. “Are you and Steve together, together?” He remembered getting the courage to ask his older brother, once he began feeling more confident with him. He was worried Danny would be annoyed or angry, calling him nosey or too much but the man just answered with his normal dry wit.

“Are we in High school? Together together?”

“Well, it’s better than asking if you’re sleeping together.”

“No, we’re not. Steve is more like the annoying, crazy dog I never wanted.”

“A dog?”

“Yea, that big slobbery kind that knocks everything in their path.”

This had made Buck laugh as he tried to imagine the older man, now every time he thought of Steve, he thought of Beethoven so a St. Bernard or a Great Dane since Danny mentioned that he was freakishly tall. ‘His words not mine.’ 

Funnily enough, Steve had a different analogy, the older man simply said, “Danno is my work wife, always on my case and nagging relentlessly.” That had gotten him a serious scolding from Danny that went on longer than the previous ones, to the point that he was sure his brother had forgotten Buck had still been on the phone. Buck was positive that Steve did it on purpose, if not out of romantic love for Danny then the man seemed to enjoy having Danny nag him. “It’s his love language,” Steve had declared on a rare occasion that Danny left him alone with the phone.

“Buck, hey kid, you still there?” Danny called. Buck didn’t notice when Danny and Steve had stopped their little affectionate spars.

“Yea, sorry. Got a little distracted,” Buck admitted.

“No worries,” Danny waved away like he always seemed to do when Buck apologized for something.

“He probably tuned you out like I do,” Steve declared and Buck winced.

“No, I didn’t mean…” Buck tried to desperately defend, not wanting his brother to be angry or hurt.

“Don’t worry kid, I know that you’re not an animal like this schmuck,” Danny reassured.

Buck could hear the sound of a slap on the other side, followed by, “see what you did.”  Buck hated that he was making his brother walk on eggshells around him. It made him feel fragile and weak although to Danny’s credit the man never complained. In fact, he seemed to always look forward to talking to Buck, he never even pressured Buck to talk to their father. The older man was patient and understanding, even listening to Buck rambling about random subjects and showing actual interest in it by asking questions. 

“Hey Danno,” a  soft yet high-pitched voice called.

Danny smiled as his daughter walked in, his children always make all the stress and sadness go away with just their presence. The girl clearly just got out of school, the uniform and backpack were still on. “Hey, uncle Steve.” The little girl smiled at the man that had been busy teasing her father.

“Hey Gracie,” Steve smiled at his pseudo-niece.

“Is that who I think it is?” Buck curiously asked. The younger man was clearly trying to hide his excitement which made Danny smile. 

“Yes, that was my daughter, she just came from school,” he replied to Buck before turning to his little girl. “Hey monkey!” Danny smiled at his daughter who walked over and gave him his greeting kiss, the one that he demanded but according to her she was getting too old for. The girl was slowly reaching the age where she found showing her parents affection uncool so Danny was milking it for all he could before he got a whiny, “Danno!” whenever he asked for a kiss or a hug. 

Grace gave him a curious look but she knew better than to speak while he was on the phone, although Danny was ready for the questions that would come once he hung up. ‘She is truly the daughter of a detective.’ He had not told Grace about Buck mainly out of concern. He didn’t want Grace to get attached to the younger man and have him decide not to be part of their lives. Matty’s death really hit her hard and Danny wanted to protect her from the pain again.

“She doesn’t have the Jersey accent,” Buck declared.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Danny asked with a sort of offended tone.

“Nothing, I just kind of imagined a tiny you going around snarking at everyone in that Jersey accent,” Buck declared almost innocently. Steve, because he had the ears of a bat, heard Buck’s words and exploded in laughter confusing Grace and making Danny glare at him.

“Oh god, I can see it now,” the older SEAL declared between laughs.

“Why is that so funny?” Danny exclaimed.

“Sorry Danny, I didn’t mean anything by it,” Buck felt bad. He didn’t want to insult his brother.

“I know, kid,” Danny immediately reassured. “Gracie left Jersey very young so she wasn’t able to grab the accent,” Grace looked up in interest at the sound of her name.

Buck then proceeded to ask questions about Grace and Charlie with nothing but pure excitement and honesty in his voice. This was a topic that Danny didn’t need to be asked about to get going, he was more than happy to talk about his kids all day, everyday. Grace rolled her eyes as her father got going and decided that doing some homework in her room was much better than hearing her father rant embarrassingly. Steve just chucked, also walking away and leaving his friend to talk his brother’s ear off.

Eventually, Steve left at some point and Grace came out of the room, her eyes shining with interest as she saw that he was still talking on the phone. Danny doesn’t know what came over him, maybe it was Buck’s enthusiasm or Grace's interest. “Hey monkey, you want to speak with someone important to Danno?”  

He could tell that Grace was curious, there were so many questions in her eyes so he wasn’t surprised when she nodded. “Okay, just say hi. I’ll explain everything later.” Danny laughed when he heard a little squeak from Buck’s side before he passed the phone. He watched as the girl shyly greeted the person on the other side then basically interrogated the younger man who took it all in stride.

Danny left them to talk while he got dinner ready and he could hear the giggling and excited ranting from the kitchen. It seems like Buck didn’t just love kids but kids loved him as well and the younger man was actually good with them if Grace’s happy rambling was anything to go by. When dinner was ready and Danny went to tell Grace, he was surprised that the girl was still talking on the phone and Buck was on the other side. 

“You two still talking?!” He was surprised that the man on the other side hadn't gotten tired of humoring his daughter or that the little girl hadn’t lost interest.

“Danno, Buck is a firefighter and he has the best stories. He once had to help deliver three babies in a yoga studio!” the little girl exclaimed with excitement. Danny could see the little star in her eyes and knew that Buck already got himself a new little fan.

“He had to do what?” Danny took the phone from a pouting Grace. “What lies are you telling my daughter?”

“It’s not a lie, the full moon here is crazy.” The younger man chuckled, there was no sign of boredom or annoyance in his voice. In fact, Danny was sure that Buck would go on for hours if Grace wanted to keep talking. “Dinner is ready, go wash up,” he told his daughter who did not look happy at him for cutting off her conversation.

“Oh come on Danno, Buck was just going to tell me about the time they got accused of robbing a bank,” Danny was starting to doubt that this introduction was a good idea.

Danny himself had so many questions at that statement but remained firm and sent the girl away to wash up. 

“Looks like you’re a big hit, Steve’s going to be so jealous,” Buck noticed that Danny said this with glee and he almost chuckled at the best friend’s strange yet very loving relationship.

“It took him much longer to win her over.” Danny continued and he could almost see Buck blushing on the other side. 

“I wouldn’t go that far, I have the advantage of having a cool job that all kids at some point want to do and having some PG stories that they like. Without that I’m pretty boring,” there was that self-deprecation that was becoming almost a signature of the younger man. 

“Don’t sell yourself short, kids are extremely honest and if they don’t like you, no amount of cool stories will help,” Danny affirmed sternly.

“Grace is just awesome!”

“You don’t have to convince me of that.”

“Thanks for letting me talk to her, I kind of needed that,” there was a sadness to Buck’s tone that ignited Danny’s protective instinct.

“Did something else happen? Are they still getting on your case?”

“Nah, things are the same. Kind of a standstill until I grovel,” Buck’s words made Danny furious. He held the phone so tightly he was sure it would break.

“Then they’ll be waiting all their lives because you’re not the one that needs to grovel.”

“I guess, but I feel so alone and I just want…” Buck almost confessed something but even without him saying anything, Danny knew what he meant. “Never mind, anyways it was great talking to Grace. I didn’t tell her about our connection since I figured you would want to tell her.”

“Any time, I don’t think I’ll have much choice. I would have a grumpy daughter if I don’t let her talk to the new, cool, uncle Buck,” Danny ignored Buck’s confession, at least for the time being. He decided to put that away for another day. Instead, he wanted their call to end on a good note for the younger man. He also made a note to speed up his trip to LA before it was too late to help and he lost another little brother.

“Uncle Buck? Danny I…” Buck tried to speak, but he was getting choked up.

“I have to go but I’ll call you tomorrow. Go eat, I should be in LA in the next few days.”

“You don’t have to…” the emotion was clear in Buck’s voice and Danny knew there was no doubt some tears in those eyes.

“Also get some sleep; trust me I know how you firefighters can get.” Danny’s mother-henning was rewarded with another chuckle.

“Okay, mom,” Buck teased and Danny couldn’t help but smile. This meant Buck was feeling more comfortable and confident to joke around with him.

“Smartass, you’re definitely family.” Laughter followed after Danny’s words before he hung up the call and it made him smile because the more he spoke to the kid, the lighter and more real Buck’s laughter became.

The 118

In the station, the crew was having dinner together taking advantage of the calm and Q day that they had. Maddie had been invited and decided to join, hoping to see her brother but to her disappointment, he wasn’t there. Chimney told her that Buck was being immature but she wondered if he had even been invited. She honestly wanted to invite him when she texted him but at the time, that was not the pressing matter they had to discuss. Also, she had assumed that someone in the crew would invite him, ‘since they claim to be his friends, his family,’ a part of Maddie thought bitterly. 

Still, she wanted to give her brother the space he asked for. Maddie knew that she had been too persistent but she felt horrible without Buck. It has always been them against everything and everyone. Even when she was with Doug, her brother still wrote to her and that kept him in her life so somehow they were always together. When they were on the run that became even more true and important. Even when Buck was on missions, he made sure to send her a letter per mission. Buck had never been too mad to not talk to her even when he had been going through months of physical therapy and had been angry at the world, he still talked to her. This was the first time this happened and she hated it, this feeling was horrible.

“Maddie, don’t worry, he’ll come around,” Chimney tried to comfort her as he noticed how sad and dejected she looked at Buck’s absence. 

Her eyes seemed to be constantly clouded over but she forced the tears back because this was supposed to be a nice, relaxing, family dinner, ‘but it doesn’t feel like family without my family.’ Buck was her family, he had always been and he will always be no matter what or where they go or who joins their lives.

“Buck is just trying to get attention, he’s worse than Christopher when he’s cranky,” Eddie declared with a scoff that didn’t sit right with Maddie. “We can’t enable him anymore, he has to learn that when he messes up there are consequences he has to deal with.”

“Maddie, Eddie is right,” Bobby chimed in with his fatherly tone. “Buck needs to grow up and if he feels like he could always count on us to bail him out or humor him then he will never learn.” Bobby’s voice was wise and it made everyone around the table nod in approval but it made Maddie shake her head. 

The older man’s words were so patronizing, something Maddie was beginning to realize happened every time he talked about or to Buck, even when they were on good terms. It was like the man -and those around the table- forgot that they were talking about an adult not a child or a rebellious teenager. 

She decided it was better to ignore them especially as she got a notification on her phone. It was a text from Buck and she almost jumped for joy (AN: The text from chapter 4). 

“See, I told you, that’s probably him apologizing,” Chimney declared with a smile on his face and a confidence that seemed out of place.

“You should make him sweat a little,” Hen jokingly suggested. This made everyone around the table -except Maddie- laugh as many nodded in agreement. 

Maddie couldn’t open the text fast enough but when she did the tears that she had been holding back fell.  She cried for many reasons when she read her little brother’s text but none of them was because she was angry or did not agree with Buck’s decision to ask for some time. A part of her was actually happy that her brother was finally learning to be a little selfish and set clear boundaries. The others did not think the same thing as their reaction was instant as Chimney had been beside her and read text then proceeded to share the contents with everyone else without asking Maddie if it was okay to share.

‘Because he can’t keep any secrets, unless they were his own.’ 

“What a selfish…!” Chimney declared furiously, unable to believe that Buck would continue to be stubborn and use the situation to gain more attention. He was disappointed; he knew that Buck could be immature and an attention seeker but he didn’t know he would stomp this low. He was angry that Buck would try to cause trouble between him and Maddie by lying about getting evicted because of Chimney. He looked around and was happy that the reactions around the table were the same. Eddie looked furious, Hen looked confused much like everyone else while Bobby just shook his head in disappointment.

‘Guess golden boy is no longer so golden,’ he thought, thinking about how arrogant Buck had once been about his superior good looks, great scores and strength.

“That’s so unlike Buck,” Hen commented, trying to understand why the slightly ditzy but loveable blond was acting in such a way.

“Yea, he’s not one to hold a grudge,” even Eddie, despite his anger couldn’t help but agree.

‘No, that’s your job,’ a little voice in the back of Maddie’s head sneered as she looked around the table at the people that even after constant apologies and explanations from her brother about his actions, still refused to forgive or even listen to him. 

“I’ll have another talk with him,” Bobby announced. Again his tone was much like a father whose child was sent to the principal’s office.

Maddie wasn’t angry like everyone believed. Buck had always been desperate for others approval and to get it he would do anything. Their childhood was a prime example of that, Buck would go to extremes that would land him in the hospital just to get his parents to care or even just notice him. 

When Maddie first joined him in L.A and saw him interact with the crew, she saw that hadn’t changed but at least the new objects of his affections weren’t cruel like their parents. They seemed to understand Buck and cared for him in a way that their parents didn’t, or so she thought. Now, she was realizing they were cruel in another way, a way that was possibly worse than their parents. They all saw Buck as some cautionary tale or an abused puppy they rescued, ‘figures firefighters would have a savior complex.’

They were much like everyone else, they all judged Buck by his appearance. Whenever Buck showed signs of his true self, they couldn’t accept it because the ‘fake’ Buck was more ideal for them as his faults made them feel better about themselves. She knew deep down they cared about him and that these were all their own issues peaking out and being directed at Buck. 

Chimney’s insecurities and low self-esteem, Bobby’s loss and fear of losing more, Hen’s arrogance and desire to prove herself, and Eddie’s need for control and fear of abandonment, they all had issues that they projected onto Buck either because he unknowingly highlighted them or because his mere appearance made them worse. Maddie thought of the jokes that Chimney has made over Buck’s looks and the envy in his eyes when Buck would get attention on the few times they all went out drinking.

‘They also have a bias against him,’ Maddie thought as she was beginning to see that they saw him either as a privileged white boy that wouldn’t understand suffering or a dumb but loveable jock that lacked depth.

They, much like everyone else, got fooled and swept away by the image of the tall, reckless, slightly clueless, a little naive and immature blond that resembled more a dog than a human. In some sense, Maddie understood this because from first appearances especially after his honorable discharge, Buck looked like the cute mascot, the clueless puppy, or the comic relief; no one ever took the comic relief seriously. They were there to amuse and distract us from our problems, not to be an actual fully developed character with actual problems and traumas. 

All throughout school this had been Buck, he would make friends easily, to the point that Maddie grew jealous for a brief second but those friends never lasted long, a few months, sometimes even just weeks.

After first, she thought that Buck had just been too much for them to deal with because even back then, her brother was reckless and could sometimes seem a little needy. ‘Desperate for the love and affection our parents refused to give him.’ But then she realized that when things became real and Buck showed that he was actually human and not a cute, funny, puppy they could play with, then everyone cut him loose. Most didn’t even have the decency to do it face to face, they would usually just avoid, ignore, or just ghost him. 

Buck tried to make it seem like it didn’t bother him but Maddie had caught him crying in his room one too many times. He never confronted them or stood up for himself, he was too selfless for his own good. So yes, while the text hurt her, she understood and she was proud of her brother for finally doing what was best for him even if that meant being alone for a while. Now, she would do her part as a big sister and make sure that he got that time and space that he has so desperately needed for years.

“You will do no such thing!” Her declaration surprised everyone, snapping them out of their rant.

“Maddie, he’s acting like a child,” Chimney tried to explain as if he was trying to let Maddie down gently, like a cop telling a mother her son was a criminal. 

“He’s hurt, Howie. It’s understandable that he needs time,” Maddie reprimanded.

“Maddie…” Chimney seemed speechless which was not an easy thing to do.

“He was the one that messed up, why should we give in when he screwed us over?” Eddie exclaimed, his anger back in full force.

“You know Eddie, for someone that told Buck he was selfish, you sure have no problem making this all about you,” Maddie glared at the man that had been going harder on Buck than anyone except maybe Bobby. She couldn’t understand Eddie’s anger, he was her brother’s best friend, no matter how mad he was that should still mean something. “Could it be that you are projecting your own feelings and insecurities onto my brother,” Maddie looked around, she wanted everyone to know that she had figured out that they had all been doing this, some even unknowingly but that still did not make it right. “

“Because I swear if I find out that you tore him down in that grocery store just to make yourself feel better…” Maddie took a deep breath trying to calm down her emotions. “I don’t care how much Buck cares about you, I would never let you near him as long as I live.” Her words made the table and the room fall silent, although Eddie wasn’t silent for long as his anger exploded.

“You can’t do that!” Eddie declared standing up, his eyes wild with anger but more than that desperation.

“I’m his older sister, it’s my job to protect him! And you will be surprised what I can and cannot do to achieve that,” the woman refused to back down in the face of Eddie’s looming figure, maybe it was that he was on the other side of the table or that she loved her brother more than she could fear any men.

“Oh, now you want to protect him,” The anger and spite in Eddie’s voice felt like shards of glasses flying out or knives seeking a target. “You didn’t seem to mind leaving him to his fate when you got tired of ‘protecting’ him.” Eddie pointed out the time Buck had been in L.A while Maddie had been somewhere else, unaware that until then the siblings had been together. Buck and Maddie had not shared much about their trips, some didn’t even know that they had been together all this time. They knew about Doug’s abuse and Buck’s travels. It was only when she arrived that she learned that Buck, in an effort to hide his time in the Navy, had omitted some truths and said they hadn’t seen each other in years. With this everyone assumed she had been with Doug all this time and Buck had been traveling alone. 

Deep down, under his anger, Eddie knew that he was going too far, but part of him felt a panic and desperation when Maddie threatened to take Buck away from him. His best friend was the only stable relationship he had -besides his son- Buck was the only constant in his life and not having him there would finish pushing him into the abyss. 

A part of Eddie wondered if that was why he was so angry at Buck for the lawsuit, ‘it kept us apart when I needed you must.’ Even worse, he knew that Maddie could make it happen; Buck idolizes his sister and if she didn’t like someone or wanted him not to see or talk to them, then as much as it hurt him, the man would do it because there was no one that Buck trusted blindly like he did Maddie. 

“That’s enough!” Bobby intervened just as Chimney began glaring at Eddie. “Eddie, that was uncalled for,” Bobby sent Eddie a disapproving stare that was mirrored by everyone else although Bobby’s held a hint of worry. He had been noticing that Eddie had a shorter and shorter fuse each day. 

The captain was sure something was going on with Eddie that was deeper than being angry at Buck, the constant appearance of bruises hadn’t skipped his notice either, he just figured the man was going to the gym but now he wasn’t so sure. ‘I’m going to have to talk to him about that.’ 

The tone, words and stares were like a bucket of cold water for Eddie that washed away the fog of his anger and made Eddie realize what an asshole he had just been by saying what he did. He didn't know what was wrong with him, he was just constantly angry about everything. Everyone and everything felt like a threat, it was like being back in Afghanistan, only worse.

“Maddie, I…” Eddie was about to apologize but cut himself off, unsure it would be enough. Maddie just stood up from the table with a sigh, her food still untouched. 

“You all seem to forget that Buck is not actually a golden retriever as much as you all wish that he was,” she said, now it was her turn to give them all a disappointed look. “He’s also not actually a misbehaving child or rebellious teen, he’s an adult,” She stared at Bobby, who was the biggest culprit of treating Buck like a child, setting the precedent for everyone else to do the same. “He’s not just the comic relief, here to amuse you or make you feel better or smarter with his poor decisions.” She glared at Chimney and Hen, the latter at least lowered her head in shame. 

‘At least one of them is self aware.’ 

“Everyone has the right to forgive or not on their own time,” she continued, needing to get this out of her chest for her and Buck’s sake. “Everyone has a right to heal and even forget if they want to. We all need space, especially after going through trauma; how come you all seem to think that this is different for Buck?!” She exclaimed getting emotional at the times her brother’s issues had been pushed away or been made fun of. “Why is my brother held to a different standard than the rest of the world?” The table was completely silent, suddenly no one had anything to say.

“You will all stay away from my brother,” Maddie ordered with a glare. “Until he deems himself ready or any of you worthy of being allowed back into his life you will stay away. And when or if he does, you will be damn grateful for it and will make sure he knows it. That he knows how sorry you are, that he is much more than your mascot, that you know he’s an adult and you respect him as much as you care about him. Is that clear?”

Everyone was silent either out of shame, fear, remorse or just plain shock at seeing this side of the otherwise friendly and caring Maddie Buckley.

“Oh, I’m sure it was and if it wasn’t, I’ll make sure it becomes clear,” a firmer and cold voice declared. 

They all turned to see Athena standing by the stairs in all her terrifying glory. The woman was clearly not happy but instead of at Maddie, she glared at everyone else around the table, especially her husband. She had told the man to talk to Buck to solve their issues and instead he decided to act like a petty teenager. The woman’s hard eyes promised a chewing out that they would never forget. Athena knew that a part of her husband understood that what he was doing was wrong, or else he would not have kept it from her. But the fact he hid it, the fact they all hid it, told her all she needed to know.

Chapter Text

Hawaii

Steve knew that Danny was planning a trip to L.A, even before the man put in a request for days off, mainly because he knew that Danny was the type to follow cases through to the end, especially if it was personal. This trip would be, hopefully, a little more light hearted for the short blond. As much as Steve would love to hijack the trip and hear Danny nag, with Wo Fat on the loose, Doris refusing to listen and lay low, or with Catherine already sacrificing so much to help, he knew that he couldn’t. As much as he wanted to meet Buck, Steve had to stay and deal with his mess because he wasn’t going to let Wo Fat take another person from him. 

‘At least this way Danny is one less person that the bastard can use against me.’ If anything Steve was more reassured as he was sure that Danny’s new little brother would be able to handle things if anything happened in LA, ‘no matter how puppy-like, a SEAL is still a SEAL.’

“I can’t believe you’re going when I can’t go,” despite all this, Steve still couldn’t help but tease his best friend. “I know it was on purpose.”

“Oh, now I need to schedule my vacations when they’re convenient to you?!”

“Of course, you’re my partner,” Steve declared as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Danny exclaimed. “Now I have to carry you around like you’re some gigantic, annoying mole!?”

“Oh don’t be like that Danno,” Steve pouted as Danny just glared.

“I told you not to Danno me. You don’t let me drive my car,,” Danny pointed to their current situation where Steve was once again driving the blonde’s car. “You get me shot at,” Danny began to rant and Steve almost smiled.

“That’s kind of the job, you chose to be a detective long before you met me.” Steve’s words went ignored as Danny seemed on  a roll.

“Then you store grenades in the car that I drive my kids in!” Danny continues not missing a beat almost as if he always has a list prepared for these moments.

“So you do drive your car,”  Steve snarked but again he was ignored.

“Get me blown up, blow up the island which I have to fill the paperwork for…” the rant refused to stop but Steve was enjoying every bit of it.

“But you’re so good at it.”

“And now that I want to relax and take a break from all of that, you tell me that I need your approval!?”

“Well, technically I am your boss,” Steve shrugged his shoulders because legally Danny needed his approval.

“Don’t give me that shit, we both know when it comes to the administrative tasks, I’m in charge or do you want to do paperwork?” This time Steve winced while Danny smirked, he was more than happy to let Danny be in charge if he never had to do paperwork.

“You know what,” so he decided that it was time to put an end to the rant before Danny made him do all his own paperwork. “You’re right. You need some rest, have fun and say hi to Buck for me.”

“Don’t you dare try to shut me up,” Danny threatened as they walked up to the crime scene. 
The officers didn’t even blink at the arguing couple, they were already used to the fighting. Some of the new officers were confused by the unprofessional behavior and a little scared since the stories they heard about Five-0 in the academy all painted them as crazy and dangerous.

“We’re Five-0,” Steve explained to avoid having security call on them for possible terrorism.

“No, I’m Five-0, you are a problem,” Steve just ushered the ranting blond towards the crime scene with a smile.

Danny was not surprised when a few days later, after they got done with their case, Steve insisted on taking him to the airport. “This way I can keep the car instead of you having to pay for airport parking,” the man declared as if he was doing Danny a favor.

“Don’t think I don’t know that you just want to have access to drive my car,” Danny accused the man that just smiled as he drove. “I swear if you leave one scratch on my car…!”

“Relax Danno, I’ve been driving…”

“Against my will,” Danny snarked.

“...this car for years now…” Steve continued, ignoring the blonde’s protest.

“Totaled it a couple times already,” once again Danny cut off.

“I got this.”  

Once Steve dropped him off and drove off cutting Danny off, getting through security was fast and easy, especially since most TSA agents knew him from Five-0 and let him through. Most thought he was on a case and Danny for the most part didn’t bother to clarify. The Honolulu airport was busy and overwhelming, Danny was sure that without the assistance he would have been in line for at least an hour if not more. 

He was even upgraded to business class which again Danny didn’t complain about. The flight was uneventful but long or at least it felt that way to him. He was anxious about this trip, not necessarily about meeting Buck but about not being able to control his protective instinct and scaring the younger man. He knew that he could be intense and for some people, not in the best way.

LAX somehow put Honolulu airport to shame, there was no free spot to walk or sit, even corners were taken up by people trying to charge their phones or just solo travelers taking a nap with their bags. Danny never had a problem with crowds, he was a grumpy extrovert but still an extrovert but even he was having trouble here. The other issue was that as a detective, when he was in a crowd all Danny could see was possible crimes or suspicious activity which made him hypervigilant and not very fun to be around.

Somehow, he managed to rent a car that he was actually looking forward to driving and head out of the airport. The long traffic didn’t even bother him as much because it gave him time to settle himself and think about his next steps. He had told Buck to expect him in the next few days but didn’t give him a specific day so the younger man was probably not expecting him. A part of him wanted to catch the younger man by surprise because Danny had a feeling Buck would try to hide how he’s really doing. He got some serious ‘I don’t want to be a burden’ vibes from his new little brother that he wanted to tackle immediately but knew he couldn’t.

‘We’re going to take care of that with some serious reassurance but first, make a good first impression.’

LA

Across the city, Buck was just starting his day. He had not returned any of his lawyer’s calls, the man had been hounding him to take the settlement that the city offered but Buck had just wanted this job back, he didn’t want money although he could use it to pay some of his bills that were mounting now that he was no longer given disability once the doctors cleared him for work. 

‘That kind of money would be nice. I could do a lot with it,’ but taking it would signal giving up on his dream of ever having his family back. A few days ago, his immediate response would have been to say ‘no’ to the money and just ask for his job at the 118. Then proceed to grovel to his friends and family  until he won their forgiveness and trust, but since learning about his family’s dark secret and getting to know Danny, suddenly Buck didn’t feel so desperate to settle for the scraps that were given to him.

‘More is possible so why can’t I have it?’ he thought for possibly the first time in his life.

It was definitely selfish and something that caused a constant battle in his head that had him confused and overwhelmed. In cases like this, he would usually talk to Bobby, Maddie or Eddie but one was upset with him, the other was disappointed and the last one hated him. ‘Because I’m too exhausting,’ he pushed the thought back and decided to check the fridge which Carla stocked in one of her secret visits with Christopher. The woman had scolded him for not taking care of himself, especially with the blood thinners he was taking. Even worse, Christopher had heard them and gave Buck his puppy eyes.

“Are you sad Buck?” 

So obviously he has to prove to the boy that he was okay or at least he was working hard to be. In an effort to keep that going, Buck decided to make dumplings, he wasn’t sure why, ‘probably all those Asian mukbangs I’ve been watching.’ Since his first cooking lesson, Buck had developed a love for cooking and trying new recipes. But since the truck bombing, that excitement and desire seemed to have dimmed or disappeared. This was the first time that Buck felt like himself in that sense, ‘maybe I might even be hungry enough to eat it.’

Just getting out the ingredients made Buck feel better, cooking had become second nature to him. Even after months of not setting a foot in the kitchen, Buck’s body moved on his own with almost expert grace. He had done dumplings before and it had been a disaster despite buying premade dough. 

Later, he had tried again with Bobby, the man had been happy to help and Buck remembers that the dumplings had been a massive hit at the firehouse that day and the guys even fought to take some home. “You actually got one right, Buck,”  

“Did he? I mean, I’m sure Bobby did all the work.”

The snide remarks hadn’t even bothered him because he had been too happy to see everyone treat the dumplings like crack even the chief who had visited that day asked for the recipe. The memory almost made him cry but he shook it away and focused on the task. He ignored the doubts and insecurities that those dumplings were only good because Bobby helped. 

“No use thinking about that now,” he tried to give himself a pep talk and wave away the darkness.

He got to work and erased the world around him. Buck was not sure when cooking became his escape even from his own thoughts but it was like he was in a cooking show where his kitchen was a set and the world outside of it was as perfect as he wanted it to be. The fake sun was always bright and not too hot, the imaginary birds were chirping and the vegetable garden was practically an oasis with everything he might need, even the most exotic herb. The fake audience were always supportive and enthusiastic. 

As he wrapped the dumplings and was covered in flour, Buck felt more like himself than he had in months. He actually even felt a little hungry, ‘they’re not going to be as good as the ones I made with…’ The sound of the doorbell cut off his thoughts, surprising him since he wasn’t expecting anyone.

“What the…?”

No one visited him anymore, the only one that came was Carla with Christopher but she was off today since it was Eddie’s day off. “Coming,” he declared as the door continued to ring while he was lost in trying to figure out who it could be. He hesitated, wondering if it was Chimney again, here to berate him into forgiving Maddie. 

‘But then again if it was Chimney, I would’ve heard him already.’ Then he thought that it was probably Maddie but his sister had respected the boundaries he set and given him time, although he wouldn’t be surprised if came any way. ‘No one really respected my boundaries before.’ Buck cautiously looked through the peephole and saw coiffed blond hair instead of a person.  But that was all he needed because he had seen that hair before, his eyes widened and he immediately opened the door, only to be greeted by a smiling face.

“Hey kid,” the shorter but older man said with a very familiar drawl. There was only one person he knew with that Jersey accent.

“He’s a short muscled blond, like a jacked dwarf.”

“What the hell did you just say?!”

Buck remembers Steve’s teasing words when he asked what Danny looked like. The older blond had not been happy and that was his most impressive rant to date. Buck was sure that even Steve regretted that one. Still, the short muscled blond description was pretty spot on although Buck can tell that Danny isn’t really short, more that he probably surrounds himself with tall people. “All short people seem to attract tall people that, like a white woman with a pitbull, think we’re cute and want to adopt us.” Buck remembers the words of one of his roommates who was barely 5’2 and he couldn’t help but agree.

“D…Danny?” Buck asked, his voice stuttering.

“Sorry, I’m a little early,” the man declared without dimming his smile. “Is this a bad time?”

Buck just stared eyes and mouth wide, Danny to his credit just smiled waiting patiently until the younger man snapped out of his shock. In the meantime, he studied the younger man before him, ‘my little brother, at least in age.’ The younger man was a giant, he might even be taller than Steve, ‘can’t wait for the neanderthal to get a taste of his own medicine.’ Danny wondered if he could get Buck to tease Steve like the man teased Danny. 

Focusing back on his little brother, Danny could see the family resemblances. They both had blue eyes that Danny got from his mother but that Buck could’ve gotten from their paternal grandmother or his mother but Danny preferred to believe that the tall man got nothing from those people. He smiled at the mark on the younger man’s forehead, it was his grandmother’s mark down to the placing although not the form. 

“Should I go?” Danny asked after a few minutes of not being invited in.

“Oh, sorry,” Buck snapped out of his shock. “Come in,” the tall blond stepped to the side and let him in before closing the door.

Danny looked around the younger man’s place and he couldn’t help but think that it didn’t really suit his happy, kind and playful personality. From their calls, Danny could tell that Buck, despite his build, was a homebody. He was the man whose ultimate dream was probably a partner, kids, a dog and a picket fence, ‘but the real one not the stepford one.’ He would imagine Buck somewhere warm and homey, the place where all the kids and grandkids grew up and want to have holidays at. The place that would be passed down through generations and was filled with so many memories and love even at his young age.

‘Although wanting a home and a family has no age restriction,’ Danny thought because while Buck didn’t seem like an old soul, Danny definitely got that from him. 

That was the place that Danny sees Buck in; even early on, the younger man gives the ‘prepare early’ vibes. ‘This generation is all obsessed with starting early,’ Danny knows that’s not a bad thing but it does make them a little impatient in his opinion. 

“Um, do you want something to drink?” Buck asked awkwardly, breaking the silence. “I have water and…” the younger man checked his fridge and winced before adding, “water.”

“All that sounds great, but I’ll just have water.” Danny teased and he was happy to see the taller blond smile. “So what’s all this?” Danny asked, looking at the mess around the island, he decided it was best to keep things casual to start.

“Oh, I was making dumplings.”

“Was?” Danny wondered.

“Well, you’re here so I’m not going to…” Buck scratched the back of his head sheepishly, almost embarrassed.

“No point in letting them go to waste,” Danny declared, taking off his jacket. “Tell me what you need?”

“What?” Buck’s eyes popped open as he stared in surprise. He expected them to sit down and talk, not stand in his kitchen and cook together.

“What, you don’t think I can cook? My specialty might be Italian food but I know my way around dough.”

Buck was left speechless as Danny rolled his sleeves and looked around as if surveying the situation like he was in a crime scene and not Buck’s very messy kitchen. “Yea, okay,” Buck eventually said with a smile, “let’s do this.” Buck's smile grew, cooking with others was always better than cooking alone. He might not have Bobby or Christopher but now he had his new older brother who seemed more than happy to cook with him.

“So what do we need to do? I know how to make raviolis but this is new,” Danny said.

“That’s good, you can see dumplings as another version of raviolis.” Buck tried to explain but Danny just gasped.

“Blasphemy!” the older man exclaimed, looking alarmed. “I’m sure Asians would not be happy but as an Italian American, I can say that there is no comparison.” Danny ranted about the deliciousness of Italian food and how it’s on its own level.

“How could you know? You’ve never made dumplings,” Buck asked, reminding the man of what he said earlier. This got him a look of betrayal that made the younger man almost giggle.

“Oh, I see how it is…” Danny looked away as if trying to compose himself. “The disrespect,” Danny pouted and Buck smiled at how natural this interaction felt.

‘Maybe I’m getting better at first impressions,’ they both couldn’t help but think with a smile.

The dumplings turned out amazing and while Danny refused to admit it the preparation was fairly similar to raviolis although the taste was completely different. The older man didn’t hesitate to praise Buck for his cooking skills and refused to let Buck down play them when the younger blond tried to wave the praise away. 

“Not everyone that can cook, can make everything. For someone that started fairly recently, from what you told me, you should be proud of yourself and wear your achievement with pride, no matter how small.” Danny took Buck accepting praise very seriously.

“I just mean that everyone can do…” Buck tried to explain and again unknowingly downplay his work.

“Doesn’t matter what anyone can do,” Danny cut him off with a firm but gentle tone. “Kid, you can’t measure your achievements based on what everyone else can do because everyone is different, their situation, their resources and their upbringing were different. To compare them is a recipe for disaster.” Danny suddenly grinned and did the most dad joke expression that Buck had ever seen, “see what I did there?”

“Yea, that’s such a dad joke,” Buck teased.

“Well, I’m a dad so…” Danny shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the words.

Buck chuckled; he was realizing that the older man, while sometimes intense, was caring and playful, something he never hesitated or had any shame in showing. The older man was also very stubborn to the point that in some cases it was useless to argue with him, like when he insisted in praising Buck for little things. Danny praised him for getting the dough right, for showing him how to close them, for the meat after he tasted it; every little thing was praised by his new big brother.

‘Big brother, that’s so strange to think about, let alone say yet I like it…’ Buck thought with a smile.

With the food eaten, Buck grew nervous as he could no longer avoid the talk that would no doubt make his brother realize how exhausting Buck actually was. They sat on the balcony just watching the sunset, there was an awkward silence between them but neither of them tried to break it at first. Buck felt uncomfortable, the silence made him more anxious mainly because his mind ‘helpfully’ provided suggestions of what Danny was thinking or was going to say and none were ever good.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Danny suddenly declared.

“Huh?” Which only confused Buck.

The older man turned to him and stared into his eyes, “never think or feel like you have to share or say something about yourself to anyone.”

“It’s not anyone, it’s family,” Buck tried to justify as he remembered the 118 and how they barely kept secrets from each other and when Buck tried, they pushed until he told them, but he knew it was because they cared. 

“Especially if it’s family. They should know better than anyone not to push if you’re not ready and if they still do then they're the problem not you.” Danny’s tone was firm and decisive.

Buck wasn’t sure if it was the words, the tone or the look in the older man’s eyes, maybe it was a mix of all three but he found himself cracking. Everything just slipped out of him as he told his brother everything from the ladder truck and feeling alone in the aftermath when no one came to visit him to his break up and the later tsunami that made him even more desperate to return to some normalcy. 

“I know they all had their own lives and were busy…” Buck knows he sounded whiny but once he started he couldn’t stop and Danny didn’t try to stop him. 

Buck even talked about feeling like he was losing everything and being reminded that he had nothing and no one. He talked about how the tsunami made him feel, “as messed up as it sounds, it was the first time that I felt like myself again.” Then he talked about losing Christopher and it was the first time that Danny reacted. The older man moved his chair closer but said nothing. Buck did smile talking about how Eddie brough Christopher back and the man’s words.

‘I guess the so-called ‘best friend’ might actually be decent,’ Danny thought, although he wasn’t too convinced.

Then Buck stuttered as he talked about the embolism which made Danny wonder if his new little brother had the worst luck ever or if the younger man was just a danger magnet. The older man worried that Buck seemed to be almost worse than Steve when it came to injuries. ‘It’s like they think they have nine lives.’ As much as Danny wanted to rant and scold him but he knew that Buck had to let everything out plus the younger man needed to heal a little more so he wouldn’t take Danny’s scolding too hard. Still, it was clear that Buck had been holding everything in and this moment was all about letting go for him, not Danny.

Finally Buck hesitated when talking about the blood thinners and being denied work by Bobby. Danny thought it was suspicious that the older man was holding Buck back when his doctors approved his return. ‘He’s clearly projecting,’ Danny didn’t like the older man putting his own insecurities down on Buck, it wasn’t fair but from the little that Buck’s told him, it seems that was the story of the younger man’s life. 

Then he talked about the lawsuit and it was clear that he was ashamed. Buck was not happy about what he did and he regretted it, despite the fact, from what Danny was hearing, he was in the right. Although if it was Danny, he would’ve recommended other options before going to lawsuit but it sounded like Buck didn’t really have anyone in his corner to advise him.

“I know it was wrong and it ruined everything so I only have myself to blame” Buck lamented in near tears.

“Why did you ruin everything?” Danny finally spoke.

“Didn’t you hear me? I told the lawyer everything!”

“As you should,” Danny raised an eyebrow as if not understanding Buck’s point. “When it comes to a lawsuit, your lawyer is like your doctor. If you want them to really help you, then you can’t hide anything from them.”

“Yea, but I share personal things,” Buck tried to justify the others’ anger which Danny was realizing might be a toxic trait of the man.

‘But is it really toxic if he was conditioned to do so?’ Danny thought, getting angry at everyone except the younger blond.

“From what you’ve told me, those things weren’t really secrets. All the department had to do was look into the others’ files or talk to anyone and they would have found out the same or more.” Those words were greeted by silence from Buck while Danny simply shrugged. “Kid, you didn’t do anything wrong. The lawyer you worked with probably wasn’t the best and it wouldn’t be my first course of action but you didn’t do anything wrong.” Danny got on his knees in front of Buck who had not realized that tears clouded his eyes and began to fall with each word from the older man.

“Everyone hates me,” Buck declared, with a sob that broke the dam for the others.

“That says more about them than you,” Danny declared softly, feeling angry at the 118 but not showing it. “You were looking out for your well-being and best interest, no one can fault you for that. My guess is that they have just been too used to you being selfless and focusing or caring about everyone else over yourself.

Buck finally let himself cry and Danny opened his arms letting the bigger man fall into them and practically tried to bury himself in them. For a moment, the taller blond looked almost small in Danny’s arms or maybe that was just Danny’s protective instincts projecting. “It’s okay, it’s okay…” he reassured softly over and over again, the same way that he did for Grace or Charlie when they had a nightmare. The two stayed there even as the sun set and it got dark, with an older brother holding his little brother as he cried over the bullies that were meant to.

Chapter Text

For the next few hours, Danny focused on what he did best, taking care of the people he loved. Once Buck tired himself out crying, he led the younger man inside and ushered him into the bathroom. “I’m sure a nice long shower will help,” he said, ushering the younger man inside. 

Once Danny heard the water going, he used his phone to order groceries since Buck’s pantry was empty while his fridge only had the bare minimum. The delivery came while Buck was getting dressed and Danny had to applaud their efficiency. He rushed to put it all away, somehow knowing Buck would feel guilty and blame himself for Danny choosing to spend his money.

He prepared the younger man some tea for his throat and sat him down on the island once he was dressed. The tall man looked almost small in sweatpants, LAFD t-shirt and wet curls while blowing on his tea while keeping Danny company while the older man prepared dinner for them. The dumplings were great but it’s been a few hours and with Buck’s sizes, that would definitely not be enough. 
It was a proof of how tired Buck was that he didn’t even argue, instead he just sat there looking like a puppy that was abandoned in the rain. Danny made sure to keep a stream of conversation, no matter how one-sided. It was when they were eating dinner that Buck showed signs of life although it was just making sounds to show that he was listening, but that was enough for Danny. The older man made a decision then and there, he could not leave his little brother here, alone.

‘Clearly, this is not a healthy place for him. He’s not offered the support and comfort he needs,’ Danny thought with disappointment. He was angry that all those that claimed to be Buck’s friends and family let things get this bad, ‘if it was up to me, they would never have the privilege to see him again.’ But Danny knew that it wasn’t up to him so he had to make his offer and let Buck decide.

‘But not today, the kid has had enough ‘excitement’ in one day.’

When Buck woke up the next day, his body felt heavy and his mind was sluggish yet he felt much better than he had in weeks. It was like a weight was lightened, not fully lifted; he could still feel it there but it didn’t feel as heavy. He heard some rustling from downstairs and at first, he thought that someone had broken in. Then he got excited that it might be Eddie, Maddie or Bobby who all have a key to his place. 

Suddenly, before he could jump up in excitement all the memories of  yesterday hit him so hard that he stumbled but soon smiled. He had an older brother, an older brother that actually cared about him and traveled from far away just to meet him. ‘And he didn’t leave right away after meeting me or having all my drama dumped on him,’ Buck wouldn’t have been surprised if the man had left as soon as he met Buck and realized how self-centered and exhausting he was to be around.

“Hey sleepyhead,” a voice called him and Buck turned to see the short blond in the kitchen. “I made a frittata for breakfast,” the man offered, he shook his head in exasperation slightly, almost as if remembering something.

“Where did you…?” Buck asked, confused by all the ingredients that he knew were not there before.

“I went out and bought a few things, now sit down and eat.” There was no question in Danny’s voice, it was an order and despite the demand, Buck smiled because he could hear how much Danny cared about him, in the older man’s voice.

He sat down to eat and couldn’t help but smile wide when Danny sat down and ate with him. It was not as good as Bobby’s but it was still really good. He could tell that Danny, much like the fire captain, enjoyed cooking for the people they loved. This was obvious by how Danny’s eyes brightened when Buck took his first bite and savored it. The new siblings sat down and ate together in silence but this time it was a comfortable one.

Danny was happy that Buck took two servings while Buck was lost in the thought about how both his newly found brothers had the same name. ‘It’s such a weird coincidence,’ he thought but this made him think about his parents and Maddie. He thought about how they had been lying to him all his life. Neither had any consideration for him and how the lies and secret would hurt him later on.

“Hey, I was thinking,” Danny suddenly spoke, startling him out of his thoughts. “How about you come with me for a few days. Sounds like you can use the time away.”

“To Hawaii?” Buck asked, confused. He wondered where this suggestion came from.

“Unless you want to go to Jersey, which would make sense, in my opinion, it’s much more relaxing,” Danny shrugged as Buck sent him an incredulous look. “I guess you’re one of those people,” the older man added with a sneer, his lips pursed in mock distaste.

“Those people?” Buck asked, looking like a confused puppy in Danny’s eyes.

“The ones that like all the sun, beach, and pineapples,” Danny declared. Buck thought the last one was a strange addition but he left it at that as he was realizing that his older brother was a loveable curmudgeon so this type of random complaining was normal.

“What’s not to like?” Buck shrugged with a smile, since everyone knew that was paradise. “But I thought you hated pineapples?”

“Sarcasm doesn’t really work on you does it?” Danny snarked affectionately.

For some reason, Danny’s teasing didn’t make Buck feel like the older man thought that he was stupid. When he spoke with Danny, Buck didn’t feel like a child being talked down to, much like he did when he spoke to everyone else. It has only been two days but he liked being around the older man, he wondered if going with him would help him keep this light feeling. He had never taken a break or vacation since he started working as a firefighter. Buck had always been too anxious and worried that he would be replaced or the 118 would figure out how annoying he was and they would find someone better.

‘What if I leave and they forget me?!’ He thought about his biggest fear.

“Kid,” Danny called, almost knowing that he was spiraling. “You don’t have to force yourself to come or even decide right now, but I will say this,” Danny placed his hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Everyone needs a break, everyone needs some time away, it’s a basic need that no one should rob you off.”

“No one is…” Buck tried to defend but only ended up stuttering while looking for a good explanation..

“Kid, if you’re too scared to take a vacation because you fear that you would be replaced by your friends and family, then they haven’t done right by you.”

“No, this is my problem. I always make everything about myself.”

“I just met you and I know that’s bullshit,” Danny exclaimed firmly, like a stern teacher. “Having problems and wanting to share them with others so that they would provide help or give advice is not selfish. In fact, you shouldn’t even have to ask for that. If anything, the person who made you believe that, is the selfish one.” Danny became agitated as he tried to control himself from going into a full rant.  That control did not work and he got up and started pacing back and forth while ranting about the poor excuse for friends and family that Buck had.

Buck couldn’t help but smile as no one had gotten so agitated in his defense before even Maddie had always been calm in her defense of him. Although those times had become rare when Buck grew older especially after she left with Doug. The first years after they ran away, it was mostly Buck trying to defend her and pushing them along. 

He realized that in some ways he was the one pushing everyone along or trying to make their relationship work. ‘It’s exhausting, maybe I do need a break,’ but in the end, it was Danny’s passion that pushed him to make the decision that he did.

“I’ll come,” Buck declared.

“Huh?” Danny turned to him in confusion.

“To Hawaii, you’re right, I do need a break.” Buck smiled at the older man, it might seem like he was confident but the reality was that he was nervous. There was still a part of him that was terrified about being replaced but he wanted to spend more time with his new brother so he pushed through. “I mean I would have to get everything set so it will take a few days…” 

“Great! I’ll call and change my flight.”

“There’s no need for that. I’ll just arrange everything and meet you there,” Buck said.

Danny looked skeptical but Buck gave his best innocent puppy look, which to his surprise Danny was completely assured by. He thought that someone as grumpy as his older brother would not be easily fooled by an innocent expression. The older man’s reaction made him feel unsure and almost guilty as if he was deceiving him.

‘An adult should not be able to look so cute,’ Danny thought as he stared into his younger brother’s round, innocent blue eyes.

“Did you know that the dole plantation pineapple garden maze in Hawaii has the record for the largest maze in the world?” When in doubt, Buck decided to do what he always did when he felt awkward, share random facts or facts he had learned from a research binge he went on after learning his brother lived in Hawaii. 

“It actually stretches over three acres,” he finished in amazement. “Pineapple is also neither a pine or an apple. It's actually a berry!” Buck exclaimed with a chuckle as if he said the punchline to some great joke.    

“No, I did not know that,” Danny raised an eyebrow and Buck blushed but couldn’t stop.

“Also a pineapple can take up to 3 years to grow and mature into a plant and only one pineapple is produced by a single plant in a single season.” Buck rambled on, getting lost in the information he was sharing. 

At the silence that his words were greeted in, he turned to his brother who just stared at him and Buck winced, he was sure that the older man was about to tease him for his rambling. He could almost hear all the mocking taunts from his friends that he knew they all meant affectionately but still hurt.

“Buck, are you…” Buck flinched waiting for the snarky jab. “Are you a genius?!” Buck was thrown off by the sudden exclamation from the older man.

“What?” he asked confused, he was sure that he heard wrong.

“Holy shit! My little brother is a genius with an eidetic memory!” Danny was so excited about this development while Buck just gaped like a confused fish. “Wait until I tell Steve about this,” the older man smirked deviously and Buck realized that he actually believed all that.

“What? No, Danny, I’m not a genius…” Buck tried to interject.

“Oh, and he’s modest too,” Danny took out his phone and began calling someone which made Buck’s eyes widened.

“Danny, don’t…!”

“Babe, guess what?” Danny exclaimed to the person on the other line.

‘Babe? I thought he said that he had no romantic relationship with this Steve?’ Buck wondered in confusion. He thought that maybe they were hiding their relationship or in the closet.

“Turns out that my little brother is a genius with an eidetic memory…” Buck’s eyes widened and he started to wave his hands around frantically trying to get the man to abort. “That’s right, a true genius. Not something that a neanderthal like you would understand.” Buck’s eyes widened even more, Danny was possibly going to lose a friend because of him.

“Danny,” Buck tried to call but the older man waved him away.

“Oh please, you’re just jealous that all you know is guns and even then you always manage to get me shot.”

This went on for a while, to the point that Buck gave up on trying to stop it and decided to just clean up. He also made a mental list of the things he would need to get done before he left for Hawaii. Buck wasn’t sure if he should tell Maddie about his trip or just tell her he would be gone for a few days. He could never hate his sister but he still felt hurt by her lie, even all that time they were together and on the run, she never thought to tell him. 

‘She always kept that loyalty to our parents over me,’ at least that was how it felt to him.

“I’m telling you, he’s a genius, gave me a whole encyclopedia on pineapples,” Danny continued his call. “Yes, I know I don’t like pineapples,” the older man snarked and Buck was sure that Danny’s best friend was teasing him. “You’re just jealous. What do you mean bragging doesn’t look good on me?!” From the few calls that Buck and Danny had in the last few weeks, Buck had a suspicion that this was normal when Danny was talking to Steve. “Everything looks good on me, besides this is not about me but Buck and the fact that he is a genius.”

“He’s certainly smarter than you,” Buck heard from the other side and he could not help but wince.

‘This will not end well,’ he thought, deciding to step away. He was sure that he had time to shower and clean up before Danny finished nagging his work husband.

“I’m not the one that gets us shot, you uncivilized animal!”

“That makes no sense, Danny,” the voice on the other line declared.

“That’s because you’re too stupid to understand,” Danny snarked. 

Buck never had anyone brag about him, he wasn’t sure how to act. The blush on his face was just starting to calm down but the guilt and the feeling that he didn’t deserve such praise only got stronger. He was a little embarrassed and wondered if this was how Chris felt when Eddie bragged about him. ‘But at least all that was well-deserved, unlike for me,’ Buck knew that eventually Danny would realize what everyone else has realized, which was that Buck wasn’t worth any of those praises.

Four days into Danny’s visit, Buck did confirm that this kind of interaction between Danny and Steve was actually normal. The two best friends’ relationship was very much filled with snark yet love, they reminded Buck of those older couples that have been together for more than thirty years. The ones that often argue like they don’t love each other but if one threatens to leave the other laughs with a ‘where do you think, you will go’ because they both realized a long time ago that they were it for each other 

He chuckled, as every time he would hear Danny talk with Steve, Buck couldn’t help but hear the voice of an old lady and old man arguing. Danny did send him a suspicious look at the giggling but the older man said nothing. To stop himself from giving himself away, Buck decided to go out and get some groceries while Danny continued his conversation with Steve.

Contrary to what Buck might have thought, Danny was just happy to see the younger man let go and let himself enjoy the little things instead of focusing on the bad. “Yea, it seems like he’s doing much better,” Danny told Steve with a smile as he stared at the closed door.

“That’s the first time that anyone with you gets better instead of worse,” Steve declared playfully and Danny was back to glaring and ranting at his friend.

Almost an hour after arguing with Steve and finally hanging up, Danny heard the door and someone leave so he wondered if his brother was giving him privacy to talk. ‘Why do I feel like it’s just like him to worry about others.’ He smiled thinking about how selfless the younger man seemed so far, it did frustrate him that many saw this and took advantage of it.

“What, were you out buying the whole store?” He teased when the door opened after an hour only to be surprised and alarmed.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Who are you?” Two people asked at the same time both their tones were agitated and concerned.

 Two days earlier

Buck had only ever had Maddie so he was unsure of how to bond with a brother, ‘is it the same as with a father?’ he wondered. He had seen movies where sons and fathers played sports together to bond or talked about girls. The latter didn’t feel right between them although the former had some merit to it but it felt like they were both too old to go to the park and play catch. But there was one thing that they could do so Buck took Danny to the place with the best view in LA. 

“You’re going to love this,” Buck declared.

“Oh, I’m sure,” Danny grunted, he wanted to bond with his new little brother but he also wanted to live a long life.

‘I thought Steve was my only problem with this,’ he almost pants as their activity reminded him of one he did with Steve. ‘Hopefully we don’t find a dead body.’

Buck had decided to take Danny on a hike to his favorite spot which the older man happily agreed to because he wanted to spend time with his brother as well. Danny did lament that his new little brother was much like his best friend, a fitness and work-out junkie. Buck even does the butter in coffee although Danny noticed that he does it in secret as if someone had once caught him and made him feel bad or ashamed about it, which pissed Danny off. He teased Steve a lot about it but the man knew that Danny was just playing and that he accepted him as he was. 

‘Looks like someone didn’t do the same for him,’ Danny hated that someone made Buck feel like he was weird for something that in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t even that strange.

“Ah so you do the same as Steve, I’m starting to think that all you SEALs are the same, the only difference is the wrapping.”

It was the reason why Danny had playfully and affectionately teased the younger man about it, although he made a mental note to have Steve talk to Buck about this and about dealing with the strange habits the Navy taught them and ignoring the people that tried to make them feel bad about them.  Buck had flinched and tried to explain himself but eventually chuckled so Danny considered it a win. 

“I don’t always do it but when I know it’s going to be a physically hard and active day, it helps.”

Danny kind of wished he had taken Buck on the offer because he could use the extra energy. He was starting to believe that it worked as he watched the younger man in front of him barely break a sweat. The only sign that the younger man was affected was the fact he had taken off his shirt. And that created another issue entirely, Danny noticed that Buck turned heads wherever he went from both men and women, ‘one almost even tripped trying to get a look,’ yet the younger blond seemed almost unaware of this. 

It was only when they blatantly tried to flirt that Buck even noticed he was admired, otherwise he was completely oblivious. As a detective and the man’s older brother, this worried Danny since he knew that stalkers and kidnappers looked for people like Buck to target. Buck may seem well-built but his almost naive distractedness made him a target for psychos.

Somehow, Danny reached the top although his knee ached slightly. He had not told the younger man about his injury, mainly because Buck had been so happy about hanging out together. “Not bad,” the view was everything that Buck said that it would be and Danny understood why people made the hike up. 

“See, I told you,” Buck declared. 

Danny smiled as the younger man grinned, it was good to see him so happy and almost carefree. It was like Danny was getting a peak at the real Buck and he liked what he saw, the kid was friendly, kind, carefree and caring. ‘I can’t understand how any of that would bother anyone, unless they were projecting their own issues on him,’ Danny thought with a mental scoff.

“We should take a picture,” Buck declared with a grin.

“Sure, come here,” Danny called Buck to the rock he was sitting on, he would rather their height difference not be so obvious. 

Buck got on his knees by Danny’s side and took a selfie of them on his phone, making sure that the view was their backdrop. In the picture, Buck had a wide, bright grin while Danny had a more subdued but still happy smile. They sat there talking and Danny learned that Buck was the most unSEAL like Navy SEAL that Danny had ever met. He was goofy and nerdy, kind almost to a fault and recklessly put others before himself. But he also seemed to have an obsessive personality as he often became focused on certain objects to the point of obsessive compulsion. This was something that Danny realized that Buck hadn't noticed about himself, and while not concerning it was interesting to know. 

Danny wondered if Buck had a form of obsessive compulsive disorder because once he found a subject interesting he would research it to the point of stopping whatever he was doing. This was proven when as they talked he stopped mid sentence and took out his phone to research Five-0 headquarters and then became distracted looking into King Kamehameha and proceeded to share everything he learned with Danny as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. 

‘He would get on great with Jerry,’ although Danny was not sure he wanted them to meet.

“Sorry,” Danny didn’t really mind so it saddened him that once he noticed, Buck thought that he did. “I know I get carried away and it’s annoying.”

“I’m just worried that Grace would take advantage of your knowledge so you can do her homework,” Danny said playfully stern and seeing Buck’s startled yet bright smile was both touching and heartbreaking.

“I promise I won’t,” Buck tried to declare, although Danny could already see in the kid’s eyes that he was going to be putty in both Grace and Charlie’s hands.

“Why do I feel like you won’t have a choice,” Danny said, getting a sheepish smile from the younger man.

They laughed and teased until they were able to enjoy part of the sunset, Danny winced at the idea of the walk back down but said nothing. He got to learn a lot about his new little brother and he even got Buck’s permission to show his parents the picture that they took. Although Danny might wait until he arrived in Hawaii, otherwise his mother and father won’t stop calling him. His father already won’t leave him alone after he heard that Buck was having some issues with work. He kept asking for information or sending messages with offers to use his contacts to help the younger man out.

The couple was already attached to the younger man and they haven’t even met him yet, but knowing Buck, Danny couldn’t blame them. The Williams children were a rainbow of different but loud personalities; personalities that Danny knew were not easy for the parents. There was constant yelling and arguing or straight out fights that the parents had to break up. 

‘Buck would no doubt be a breath of fresh air for them,’ Danny thought. It almost felt as if his parents were collecting Pokémon but only got the hard to train, mean ones when what they wanted was a cute one they could cuddle with. It was not that Danny doubted his parents’ love for him and his siblings, just that he knew they would have wanted a break from the chaotic loud and confrontational demons. 

‘All they were missing was a calm yet sweet angel,’ he smiled looking at Buck’s back. He knows that his parents and sisters would absolutely adore him, he was sure that Buck could easily become everyone’s favor, ‘that’s why it hurt that he and the people around him now couldn’t see that.’

As he was getting into Buck’s jeep, Danny winced as the ache on his knees brought him back to the present. “Are you okay?” Unfortunately for him, Buck noticed this and turned his concerned puppy eyes at him.

‘Again those should not work on a man his size, let alone a badass Navy SEAL.’

“I’m good, just an old injury acting up,” Danny waved his concern away but that just made it worse.

“You had an old injury?” The younger man looked like he wanted to cry or beg Danny for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry, this was a stupid idea. I always make things about myself so leave it to me to take you for a hike instead of asking what you wanted to do.”

‘I guess begging won,” Danny didn’t like the self-deprecating words and tone. They almost sound parroted as if they were from someone else. It made Danny clench his teeth at the thought of Buck’s so-called family, ‘I really want to pay them a visit.’

“Hey, no worries. It’s not like I can’t hike,” Danny explained with a smile. “Steve has taken me on longer and harder ones, at least you didn’t get us stranded or found a dead body,” Danny explained to lighten the mood.

“What kind of hikes have you been on?!” Buck exclaimed, his eyes widening. He was suddenly not sure that he wanted to meet Steve, the older man sounded like a hazard to mental health and his was already so fragile.

“Let’s just say that an easy hike for you Navy SEALs is not the same as an easy hike for us mortals,” Danny scolded with a playful scoff, making Buck smile. 

For Buck, it was the first time he didn’t feel uncomfortable at his military history being pointed out or about being addressed as a SEAL. Although with his lack of memories about his time in service, he didn’t really feel like a SEAL. The dark and blank nightmare, the random and unexplained panic attacks and the hand trembling, besides the metals he kept hidden, were the only reminder that he actually served. 

There were other things he did remember but they were either chopped up memories of people or acts that he couldn’t explain how he knew, like the butter in coffee thing. Still, this was the first time that him being a SEAL was addressed as something to sympathize or something to revere. 

‘It’s almost like I’m normal, it’s nice,’ he thought with a smile. 

Despite Danny’s reassurance, Buck wanted to make it up to him and he knew just how to do it. There was a secret that Buck hadn’t been able to enjoy with anyone except Maddie but the woman wasn’t as obsessed with it as he was. 

“Why are we here?” Danny asked confused as to why they were in front of what looked like a really badly taken care of Deli, in what didn’t look like a great neighborhood.  Buck said nothing and instead got out, making Danny have to get out with him. The detective looked around, he didn’t bring his gun so he stayed vigilant especially when Buck seemed to be in his own world as he practically skipped into the store.

“This is an apology for making you hike,” Buck declared once they were inside.

“You don’t need to…” Danny stopped mid way as a very familiar scent hit him.

“What better way to apologize to a Jersey man than to take him to have the best New York style pizza in L.A,” Buck declared in a very ‘tada’ tone and Danny noticed that inside the place looked like a pizza place found in New York or Jersey.

Danny turned to the younger man who looked at him like a puppy waiting for a ‘good boy’ after performing a trick. He couldn’t do anything but smile, even if the pizza turned out bad, Danny would not be the one to discourage the younger man. “Already let’s see what you got,” they ordered just a slice since Danny wasn’t sure he would like it. He was happy to realize that Buck was a true east coast-er or at least where it counted.

“No, I love pineapples in many things but never in pizza” the younger man declared as they enjoyed their second slice.

“Thank you! Finally, someone with some sense!” Danny exclaimed, he was positive that the two employees were from the east coast because they didn’t even blink at his loudness or animated speech. Buck just chuckled as Danny fell into a rant about how Hawaii was filled with neatherdals trying to ruin a good thing for him.

“I mean, I wouldn’t judge anyone for their preference but it’s not for me.”

“Well, you’re better than me,” Danny shrugged unashamed. “Because I judge and I judge hard,” Buck just laughed, enjoying the moment with a brother he was glad to have met. 

Chapter Text

Two days later

Danny stared at the woman that stared back at him, the two had been staring at each other since the woman barged in and after confirming that the other wasn’t a burglar or a threat to Buck. He couldn’t help but study the woman before him, Danny tried to match her to the younger man he knew and couldn’t see much of a match. 

“So, Maddie, was it?” Danny said with an unimpressed tone. “Do you always just barge in when you are asked for some space? What, you think that boundaries don’t apply to you?” the woman seemed startled by his words although Danny’s keen eyes saw the winced she tried to hide.

‘At least she’s self-aware and knows that what she’s doing is wrong,’ he thought, giving the woman some points.

“You think that a few seconds as ‘brother’ gives you the right to comment?” Maddie snapped. She was angry by how quickly the man seemed to get comfortable and take liberties when he had only known Buck for a few seconds. ‘He has only been his brother a few days while I have been there all his life. I was the one to help with homework, teach him to ride a bike, comfort him after the first heartbreak, teach him to drive, even teach him to shave.’

“I’ve been a brother for years and yet I still know to respect my siblings when they ask me for space,” Danny declared, crossing his arms still unimpressed with the woman and her behavior. From what he’s heard from Buck, the people with a key to his place don’t seem to respect his space. ‘They seem to think that having a key for emergencies means come whenever you want.’

Maddie glared but was unable to say anything because she knew that the man was right. She had been worried about Buck’s continuing radio silence and she let her mind come up with worse case scenarios until she couldn’t stay away. Maddie just needed to know that her brother was okay, she would be lying if she didn’t hope that with her visit they could talk things out. She hated being at odds with her brother, it had always been them two against the world and she didn’t want him to ever doubt that.

“You know what makes someone a good older sibling?” Danny suddenly asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“It’s the fact that we are selfless when it comes to our younger siblings. We begrudgingly give them our clothes, our food and even our time,” Danny explained. “But a great older sibling does all this happily, they know that being an older sibling is an honor and they don’t mind giving all they can so that their younger siblings don't go through the bullshit that they did.”

“What are you trying to say?” Maddie asked both offended and intrigued, she agreed with Danny’s words but she wondered where the man was taking them.

“I believe that you were a good older sister,” Danny stepped closer and declared to the woman, even shocking her. “And maybe you were a great one but I’m not sure you are one now and we both know it.”

The man’s words were followed by silence as the two stared at each other. The two older siblings each thought about their own experience with their younger siblings. Danny thought about his two younger siblings Bridget -the baby of the family although only one year younger than Matt, ‘and now Buck’- and Matty. Maddie thought about Buck and Daniel, the latter of which had only been a year younger than her. They both couldn’t help but think about all the times that they had failed their siblings.

Danny thinks about Matty and all the times that the younger man got in trouble, the times that Danny often just scolded him or berated him for instead of helping. ‘Even when I tried to help it was never enough,’ Danny lamented. The guilt of not doing enough and the doubt that if he had done more, he might have been able to save Matty filled his every waking moment. Danny thinks about that night that he last saw Matty, he should have just shot him, ‘and he probably would have been alive right now. Hating me but alive,’ he was criticizing Maddie but he was just as much a failure as she was.

Maddie, for her part, thought about Daniel who had been so much like Buck; the boy had been so happy, friendly, and sweet. They did everything together; attached at the hip, everyone would say but when he got sick that stopped and Maddie was left alone. She was ashamed that she had been annoyed that Daniel was ruining everything, Maddie could defend herself by saying that she was only five when he got sick but it still made her feel guilty. She was his older sister, it was her duty to take care of him and make him feel safe.

When Buck was born, she tried so hard to redeem herself that she might have held on too tight. When Daniel died, she was sure that Buck had been her second chance to make amends. To redo everything and this time be a better big sister. ‘In doing so, I might have lost track of what Evan needed or wanted.’ Buck was not Daniel, even with the personalities similarities, they were two completely different people that wanted and needed different things from her yet she tried to treat them the same.

‘I guess I really failed him as a big sister.’

“Maddie,” the call of her name pulled her from her thoughts. She turned to see her younger brother standing at the door looking bewildered. 

Buck was extremely confused when he walked into his studio and found his older sister inside, seemingly in a stare down with his new older brother. He knew that the two would eventually have to meet but he was hoping to put that off for as long as he could, ‘turns out that was not long enough.’ He winced as the worse case scenario seemed to happen right before his eyes with his two older siblings not getting along. 

“What are you doing here?” Buck asked as he put the groceries down, he stared between Danny and Maddie hoping to cut the tension.

“I came to check in since I hadn’t heard from you,” Maddie explained softly before turning to the older blond. “I didn’t know you had a guest.

“You would’ve if you had called before coming or even knocked like a normal person,” Danny snarked, not missing a beat.

“Uh…” Buck wasn’t sure what to say or do. “Yea, Danny came over so that we could meet and talk about things,” Buck smiled at the older man who returned the smile which put him slightly at ease.

“Oh, you two seem to have gotten close,” Maddie pointed out softly, hoping that she was hiding her jealousy. 

To Buck there was a strange tone to her voice but he was sure that he was hearing things. ‘Maddie has never worried about me meeting new people or making friends outside of her.’

“You’ll be surprised what happens when you listen to and respect someone,” Danny, once again snarked.

“Okay, what’s your issue with me?!” Maddie, while mostly passive, was also not one to stay quiet as she was constantly attacked, especially when it came to her little brother. 

“Guys, please…” Buck tried to intervene but he was ignored as Danny took a deep breath and Buck knew a rant was coming, he just hoped that the short man would pull back his punches.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe it was the lying to Buck all his life, the allowing his coworkers to treat him like crap, the letting him get gaslit or being part of it,” Danny ranted almost as if he had been holding all that in for a while. “Or maybe it could just be the selfishly thinking about yourself instead of respecting his decisions and boundaries!” 

“It wasn’t like…” Buck tried to defend Maddie but again he was ignored as the two seem to forget that he was even there.

After a few minutes of the back and forth, Buck decided to put away the groceries since he wasn’t doing anything productive in trying to stop them. ‘Should I start on dinner?’ Buck wondered, deciding to add a portion for Maddie since the woman showed no signs of leaving anytime soon. Everyone thought that the woman was this calm pacifist but Maddie was actually terrifyingly fierce, ‘she only became docile and quiet after meeting Doug, before she was like most girls raised in the east coast,  always the first one to throw hands especially when someone bullied me.’

Buck decided to make something that everyone would like so he took out the ingredients for lasagne. Using Bobby’s recipe made him sad as he thought of their fractured relationship but he shook his head and focused. He was so focused on his task that he didn’t notice when the tone of the argument changed between his two older siblings. 

“How can you not know how the sweet and kind kids just attract vultures?!” Suddenly Buck heard Danny exclaim.

“Of course I know that, why do you think I’m here?! Buck is too amazing and far too nice for others to be trusted with him!” Maddie exclaimed back and Buck was both embarrassed and confused by the two yelling out praises about him in an angry tone. He also wasn’t sure how to feel about how they sounded like he was a baby or a puppy that was too pure for the world.

‘Are they on the same side? Do they not realize it?’ 

“I mean trying to ask for forgiveness for taking care of his own mental health,” Danny shook his head, almost disapproving of Buck's choices which now made the younger blond feel scolded.

“I know! He’s always been like that even with our parents,” Maddie declared in affectionate exasperation. “I always made sure to be present and keep a close eye on all relationships he’s formed, at least for the first few months.”

‘What is happening?’ Buck wondered as he saw Danny and Maddie sit down, going from arguing to talking about him. He could not believe that the two were actually bonding over their older siblings’ protectiveness. 

When the dinner was done they all sat down to eat and Buck was soon regretting their meeting for a whole other reason. Despite there still being tension between them, as long as they were talking about Buck they seemed to get on too well. ‘Do they not realize that they are so alike?’ he wondered incredulously. 

Their talk varied from how naive Buck was and how they needed to protect him to how amazing he was and how proud they were of him. Buck was stuck between blushing and being embarrassed. The latter won when Maddie pulled out her phone and showed Danny a picture of baby Buck standing on the bathtub in their old house. Baby Buck was only wearing a bright grin as he looked at the camera, fortunately the tub covered the important parts but still, ‘come on Maddie!’

“It was the first time he stood up on his own,” Maddie declared proudly showing Danny the polaroid that she took a picture of with her phone after she noticed the physical pictures were getting some wear and tear that soon might make them unrecognizable. “I have the original at home.”

“That is too cute,” Danny smiled at the picture. “Tell me you have more,” he demanded of the woman wanting to see more of the moments he missed.

“Oh, I have so much more,” Maddie bragged happily.

“See,” Danny suddenly declared. “He will always be your younger brother and no matter how close we get, you will always share something with him that I never have or could.”

Those words filled the room with silence as Maddie became pensive but both men saw her eyes glossed over. Maddie had been so lost in her own insecurities and her fear of losing Buck that she didn’t realize what she had, what they had. 

“Maddie,” Buck tried to call softly but Maddie just shook her head to stop him or reassure him, they weren’t sure.

“He’s right,” she declared, the tears falling from her eyes. “Buck, I’m so sorry for ignoring your boundaries and coming to see you.”

“Maddie, I know you were just worried. I never doubted that you cared about me,” Buck said softly.

“No, he’s right,” Maddie gestures to Danny with a sigh. “I was only thinking about myself and I saw you as the little boy that I always needed to protect,” she smiled at Buck placing her hands on his cheek. “But you’re not that little boy any more, you’re an adult and you don’t need me anymore.”

“What, no! Maddie, I…” Buck tried to exclaim but again was cut off by Maddie.

“No, it’s true and that’s not a bad thing as long as you want me in your life,” Maddie almost asked tentatively, there was some fear in her voice as if Buck would ever not want her.

“Always,” Buck didn’t hesitate. “Maddie, you raised me and made me the man I am today so if I’m amazing it’s only because of you.” He got up and kneeled in front of his sister, “No matter how mad I get at you or how annoyed you get at me, no matter how much space we need from each other, you’re still my big sister and I’m still your little brother and that is never going to change.” Buck chuckled slightly, “no matter how many new brothers or even sisters come up.”

Maddie chuckled wetly as she leaned her forehead against his, both siblings closed their eyes as they enjoyed the moment. Danny, who had been practically forgotten, had given the siblings privacy going out to the balcony as they talked. Despite not completely approving of Maddie’s behavior, he more than anyone understood that they both needed this talk. Maddie needed reassurance and Buck needed to realize that not only was his older sister a flawed human but she needed him as much as he needed her. 

“Thank you,” Maddie broke the silence. “And I promise to wait until you’re ready to talk, I’ll also make sure that everyone else does the same.”

Buck smiled happily and although he was still not ready to talk about the family secret and Maddie’s involvement in it, it was still good to not have any further tension between them. After that they were all happy to ignore all the drama and issues for a few more hours, kind of like hit pause on a horror movie and watching cute cat videos to build the strength to get through the rest.

Three weeks Later

Buck looked around the nearly empty flat, he actually couldn’t believe that he was doing this but for the first time in a while, he had no regrets. ‘Figures that running was the one thing that makes me feel at ease,’ Buck thought with self-deprecation but before his thoughts could get too dark, Danny’s voice pushed through almost as if beating the darkness away. ‘More like ranting them away,’ he thought with a chuckle. 

It’s been a week since his brother left and Buck missed him. He had missed him the moment he dropped him off at the airport but refused to show it because he didn’t want his brother to realize how needy Buck was.

After the older man left, as promised, Buck got to work on setting everything up for his trip. Depressingly, because he was out of a job and he had dropped the lawsuit, there wasn’t much he had to get done. He made sure everything was set with the lawyer who had not been happy that Buck dropped the lawsuit but was pacified since he still got paid. The hardest part was calling the department, after dropping the lawsuit, Buck insisted that he simply wanted his job back. The department had agreed with his request, “but I will warn that I will not force any station to take you in,” the chief had told him when he approved Buck’s request.

‘Why does everyone seem obsessed with making me sound like a puppy?’

After first, Buck had been confident that Bobby would immediately take him in since the older man had wanted him to drop the lawsuit. But the more time that passed without the captain giving a reply to the department’s request, the more Buck realized that things weren’t that simple. His ambush at the grocery store had been an attempt to apologize and appeal or maybe even beg to be taken back. 

‘I don’t even know what I was trying to achieve. I felt like a cheating husband that had been kicked out and ran back with his tail between his legs pleading to his wife.’

Buck chuckled slightly at the thought, he walked around the empty apartment marveling at how easy it was to get rid of a whole life’s worth of stuff. ‘Collecting them is hard but getting rid of them is easy, we truly are nothing in this life.’ He remembered the call to the department, they had worried he was starting back the lawsuit but he rejected that concern. 

“My brother made me realize that everything I’ve been through in the last months was not easy for any human to deal with, and that if I want to truly heal then I should take some time for myself, away from everything…”

The chief had been happy about Buck’s decision and had admitted that he had been worried about Buck returning to work immediately after such an event. 

“I know that for most of us, this job is our life whether it’s because we love to help others, save lives, or just for the adrenaline. Whatever it is, this job becomes our everything but at the end of the day it is just a job and if we forget that, we risk losing ourselves and sacrificing those we love to it.” 

The man’s words had hit Buck harder than he expected them to, he even sobbed like a baby, something which fortunately, the older man did not mind.

“No worries kid, we all need someone to just listen every once in a while.”

The chief had proceeded to declare that Buck would have a job with the LAFD whenever he returned. 

“I just can’t promise it will be with the 118.” 

As much as that hurt, Buck understood it. Thinking about that made him think about his conversation with Maddie and how he made the decision that has now led him to stand in an empty apartment.

Two Days Earlier

Buck is far too reckless and naive.

I don’t know how you do it. The vultures are everywhere and he’s like honey to them!

Maddie smiled as she read the text that Buck’s new half brother sent her. The two had exchanged numbers the night they met once Buck had been distracted. While they were still not friends or even fully liked each other, they agreed on the fact that Buck was amazing and too good for this world. “I know what being a worried older sibling is like.” She sighed thinking about the conversation with the 118.

You have no idea, it’s a full time job.

But it’s one that I’m happy to do.

Yea, I get it.

Despite her reassurance to Danny, Maddie was actually worried about her brother. ‘Well, I always worry about him,’ but this time it was different. She was worried about losing her brother; it had always been just them against the world and no matter what they had to face, their bond just grew stronger. 

She had been foolish to think that nothing would or could break that. The truth was that a part of her had forgotten about the Daniel secret, ‘not about him, I would never forget my brother.’ But she forgot the fact that Buck had not been aware of this secret and that this was something she was hiding from the younger man.

Still, despite her concern, she stayed away and respected her brother’s wish for time. She was a little surprised that the 118 seemed to have listened to her and left her brother alone. ‘It was most likely Athena’s doing.’ She had heard that the policewoman had not been happy once she heard everything that was going on. Athena had known about the lawsuit but she did not know about how the 118 had been treating Buck or the Buckley family secret that had been revealed. 

From Josh’s gossip, Maddie knew that Bobby was in the doghouse and so was Hen after Athena told Karen everything. The two fearsome women also became the guardians to the gate’s Maddie’s words built to protect Buck. It made her smile to know that out of the family that her brother made for himself, there were at least two that he had chosen well. ‘I know they're not really rotten apples but just a little bruised, the problem is that they blamed or took out those bruises against Buck.’

She was happy that she had decided not to move in with Chimney, she thought about it after the scare of Doug finding her but with the man dead nothing stopped her from living her life wherever she wanted. It was her chance to be independent without having to look over her shoulders or be scared of being alone, she never had that while Doug was alive.

‘No need to worry about that anymore.’ 

 According to the world, Maddie had killed Doug in self-defense after the man had caught her while she and Buck were on a trip to New York to visit their dead grandparents’ grave. ‘That was another secret I keep, at least Buck and I share this one.’

“They had been the only ones who had given us any form of affection when we were young.”

‘Hah, if they knew the truth,’ Maddie thought with a sarcastic chuckle as she thought of the elitist and racist assholes that were their grandparents.

“Isn’t this a little too much work?” Maddie asked, worried that they were making more trouble for themselves. “We were never close to those people, in fact I was even happy when they died.”

“I know but the best cover is one that could not be blown; in this case with our cover dead, no one could doubt anything.” Buck insisted with a cold and calculative tone that felt wrong coming from her sweet and happy little brother. Maddie knew that this was the Buck she had  never met, the one that Buck kept far away from her, this was Navy SEAL Buck. “And it is worth it? Maddie, this man has made you give up not only your happiness and peace but also the job you love. Do you really want to give him something else?” 

“No, let’s do it.” 

It had been strange, they had made the decision after Maddie arrived in LA but couldn’t get a job as a nurse since Doug would easily find her. She missed being a nurse yet after her ex died she found that she enjoyed her work in the dispatch and she had even made friends so she decided to stay. Maddie had been worried to tell Buck since it felt like they went through all that trouble for nothing but the man had just smiled. 

“As long as it was your choice,” that day they had gotten so drunk, Maddie had felt hungover even two days after.

“You’re just old,” Buck teased

“What?! You little brat, I’ll show you old…!”

Thinking about that playful moment with her brother made Maddie sad once more, she missed his presence. While they do not live together, since Buck was discharged from service they have never gone one day without communicating whether it was a text, call, or meme, once Maddie got the hang of it. 

Since the family secret came out, her phone had been depressingly silent in the last few days except for her friends checking in on her or Chimney begging for her forgiveness. She ignored the man since she was not happy with his behavior towards her brother and the way he seemed to see Buck, ‘especially when they’ve been friends for years.’ Maddie was doubting that a relationship between them would ever work, she doesn’t know if she could date someone that seemed to hurt or dislike her brother so much, ‘not again.’

The sound of her door snapped her out of her thoughts, she sighed because she was sure that it was Chimney once more. ‘Who knew that in telling him not to bother Buck, he would instead bother me.’ She cared about the man but until Chimney respected Buck’s place in her life and accepted boundaries, she did not see their relationship going far. 

‘Even with that, I’m not sure it would work,’ she could see that there would always be conflict of interest between them. It hurt because Chimney was the first man she felt like she could love without fear, in part because he was nothing like Doug and made her laugh but now she was healthier and more confident in herself to not need any man’s validation.

‘Maybe I should just break it off,”

With this thought in mind, Maddie was shocked to see her brother on the other side of the door. “Evan,” she whispered his name, wanting to jump into his arms but seeing from his eyes that she was not fully forgiven yet.

‘But he’s here.’

“Come in,” she ushered him desperately.

Buck walked inside and it was clear from his body language that he was not sure. Maddie did not want to read too much into this and decided to busy herself getting drinks and rambling to see if she could ease the tension. As they drank, an awkward and uncomfortable silence fell over them until Buck finally broke it.

“It was nice to meet my brother,” Maddie looked up and watched the soft smile on Buck’s face. “I mean the one still alive,” Buck winced as he realized how insensitive that might have sounded.

“I’m glad everything went well. We might have had some tension but I’m glad he treated you well.” 

“He was great,” Buck proceeded to gush about his new older brother.

At first, Maddie had been jealous because it felt like Buck had traded her in for another older sibling. Then she berated herself for being so foolish and childish, if Buck did not love her so much, he wouldn’t have been so hurt by everything. “I’m really happy for you, Buck. You deserve all the love in the world and if there will be one more person to give it to you then I am happy to welcome them into the club.” Maddie smiled at her brother, making sure to show all the sincere love she felt for him.

“Thanks, I don’t agree about deserving all the love,” Maddie was about to intervene but Buck continued. “But I’m working on that. Something Danny is hellbent on getting me to accept,” Maddie lowered her head to hide the bittersweet smile on her face.

‘Not even a year in his life and he’s already succeeding where I failed,’ she thought with sadness.

“Something that couldn’t have been possible if you hadn’t set the foundation for him to stand on.”

Maddie’s eyes widened as she turned up to look at her brother who smiled at her for the first time since this whole issue began. “Buck,” she called, her voice full of emotion. Tears began to fall from her eyes as she felt the anguish she had been carrying for days finally burst and pour out like a dam breaking. Buck got on his knelt before her and she fell into his arms much like they had done a few days ago when she met Danny.

“Maddie, don’t ever doubt that I love you and no matter what, I will always love you,” Buck whispered into her hair. “New people might join our lives and old people might leave it but in the end, the only constant will always be you and me.” Buck looked into his older sister’s eyes trying to get his message across.

“Evan, I…” Maddie stuttered.

“Or at least I thought it would be,” he added with sadness.

“Of course it is! It always will be!” Maddie exclaimed.

“That’s why this all hurt so much because it felt like you’ve been a double agent pretending to be on my side,” tears clouded Buck’s eyes and Maddie grabbed his face.

“No! Don’t ever think that!” She exclaimed desperately. “All this was my misguided attempt to protect you. I scolded the 118 for it but I guess I also always saw you as a child that needed his older sister to protect you.” Maddie thinks about after Daniel’s death when her parents were lost in grief and she had been stuck with a baby Evan despite the fact that she had still been a child. She had been so terrified, especially when they moved and she didn’t know anyone but she raised her brother and part of her forgot that he was her brother and not her son.

“Maddie, I know that at one point, I needed you to protect me but now what I need is for you to support me, for you to be on my side no matter what others may say or do,” Buck pleaded desperately. 

“And I am, I will,” she added after she remembered that in the last few days she hadn’t.  “I promise,” Maddie declared as she held his hands.

“And you’re sure there are no more family secrets?” Buck half joked and half genuinely wondered.

“No, there are no more secrets and if there are then even I don’t know about them.” 

Buck accepted this reply from his sister and while he didn’t completely forgive her for lying, he would heal with time. After that, brother and sister took a while to calm down from their emotional conversation before Maddie got out the Neapolitan like she always did when they were both sad or had a bad day. Like always Maddie ate the chocolate while Buck devoured the strawberry before they both shared the Vanilla. 

They talked about nonsense as if nothing had changed. There was still a tension between them but it wasn’t as heavy as before. It wasn’t, at least until Buck shared the details about his trip to Hawaii which made Maddie, briefly, worried that Buck was going to leave her for his new brother. But then she remembered his words, and while Maddie was a little sad to hear her brother was leaving, she was happy that he was getting a much needed break.

“How long are you staying there for?” The silence from Buck, on the other hand, did worry her a little.

“I’m not sure,” Buck finally admitted.

“Are you thinking of making it permanent?”  If Buck was staying in Hawaii, Maddie might have to make the move, they had never been away from each other except when she stayed in Peru while he moved to L.A and even that hadn’t been for long.

“No, I just don’t know how long healing would take,” Buck admitted. “I mean, I’ve been through a lot,” Buck said and Maddie could not help but nod and agree with him. 

She decided to support her brother no matter how long he wanted to stay, ‘we can always figure out everything else later.’ 

She wanted nothing more than for her brother to heal, in her opinion, Buck hasn’t really given himself time to really heal since he was honorably discharged. Maddie noticed the hands trembling that Buck was trying to hide from her. She knew that it still happened every time he was overwhelmed or when he was assaulted by the nightmares, which consisted mainly of sounds and smells of his time in service. 

‘Thank god, his memories have not come back.’ 

She prayed that this time, in paradise, life would give him a break and let her brother heal from everything.

Chapter Text

Present

Buck looked around his empty apartment and he couldn’t help but smile, he felt lighter after his talk with Maddie and it made leaving LA less painful. He was touched by his sister’s support, it felt good to fix at least one relationship before leaving. The older woman had even suggested that he rented out his place, “you can leave your things here.” But he didn’t want to burden her so he decided to place the things he wanted to keep in storage and end his lease. 

It wasn’t that he had no plan of coming back but when he decided to come back, Buck had no desire to live in a place that had never even truly been his choice. ‘I’m more of a modern ranch or beach hut kind of guy although like any good east coast boy,  I could never say no to a traditional Victorian.’ He pushed the thought that he had been hiding all this time, the thought that urged him not to come back at all.

“Ready?” Buck turned to see Maddie calling to him, the woman had insisted on taking him to the airport. 

“Why such a rush,” Buck looked at the time and saw they still had four hours before his flight. “We still have time.”

“We have to stop somewhere else before,” there was a mischievous look in Maddie’s eyes. “And don’t worry it’s not to the 118.”

Buck could not help but sigh in relief because he was truly not ready to see anyone from his old crew, although he wished that he could say goodbye to Athena, May, Michael, Harry, Karen, Denny and most of all, Christopher. Still, part of him felt that it was better not to see them because he might be convinced to stay if he saw the sadness in their faces. ‘I guess texts will have to do, but I’ll wait once I’m at the airport. No need to give them time to convince me to stay.’ If things had been the way they were before, he would’ve worried that Maddie was taking him to a farewell surprise party with everyone present.

Maddie drove his jeep, which she would take care of while he was away. It was hilarious to see his tiny sister in the big car that looked almost massive for her yet she drove like a pro. To his surprise, Maddie took him to Carla’s house which was strange since the woman should be taking care of Christopher. He became excited hoping this meant what he thought it would mean. And as they got out of the car he knew he had been right, as a surprisingly fast small figure rushed to him.

“Buck!”

Buck picked Christopher up and held him tightly in his arms, spinning him around for good measure. He was so happy to be able to see the boy that tears fell from his eyes, ‘I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye,’ Buck thought. It wasn’t that he had plans to leave forever but just that he knew how Christopher feels about people leaving especially without saying goodbye and Buck did not want to be another missed presence the kid would have to talk about in therapy.

“God, kid, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” he whispered into the soft curls which now matched his own. Since the lawsuit and later tsunami, Buck didn’t have much desire or spirits to fix or cut his hair. The secret visit that he and Carla made a few weeks ago wasn’t enough when he was used to seeing him everyday and always being there.

“I missed you too, Bucky,” Christopher agreed with clear emotion in his voice. “Are you really leaving me?”

That question broke Buck’s heart and made him want to cancel his flight. He felt Maddie’s hand on his shoulder as she shook her head as if to say, ‘don’t’ and he sighed. Carla ushered them inside after getting her hug from Buck, she went into the kitchen to get some drinks and Maddie followed to ‘help’ but Buck could see what they were up to and he was grateful to them for it. 

“Bucky, why are you leaving?” Christopher asked, getting his attention. Buck wanted to lie but he could never do that to the little boy that was so perceptive. He personally knows how  a parent’s lies could accumulate and affect a child as they grow.

‘Not that I’m his father or anything.’

“I am,” Buck decided to do what he would have liked done to him and be honest. “You know how I got injured a few months ago,” Christopher nodded his head. 

Buck proceeded to give the young boy a water-down version of his mental health, trauma and need for time away to recover. He knew that Eddie was raised to not admit or acknowledge any of this and that he was trying to raise Christopher differently but the kid learned from watching his father and Eddie was still very emotionally stunted so Buck worried that Christopher would have a hard time understanding all of it. But he should have known that Chrisopher was too smart for his own good.

“I understand, you need a vacation to relax and get better,” the little boy declared with a smile.

“Exactly,” Buck exclaimed, excited that he didn’t have to deal with a crying Christopher.

“But you’ll be back right?” the boy asked with a timid and fearful voice.

“Of course!” Buck hugged him. “You’re my best friend! Why would I move away without talking to you first.”

“Okay, because you can’t move without me. You can’t leave me like…” Christopher demanded, cutting off as the tear fell, in his tone Buck could hear that the boy was trying to sound firm and confident like his father but his emotions were too much for him to control. Buck bit his lips trying to stop his own tears. This little boy had been through so much in his short life yet he was so strong through it all, ‘but in the end he was still a little boy.’ To lose his mother more than once before she ultimately died and in some sense to fear losing his father while he was in war.

“Promise,” Christopher demanded. 

‘No child should have to go through that.’ 

Buck knew that while Eddie and Shannon thought Christopher was too young to remember those days, he knew from personal experience that while the actual memories might not be there, the emotions were. ‘You remember the feeling of being a burden whether your parents meant to make you feel like one or not.’ 

Christopher and Buck were a lot alike, the difference was that Christopher was always loved and making him feel like a burden wasn’t on purpose. He wanted to immediately agree with the little boy but Buck knew that this was not something he could promise, ‘especially with how much his father hated me right now. I can’t even promise I can always be in his life.’

“How about I promise to talk to you first if I ever decide to move anywhere?” He asked as he caressed the boy’s cheek. Buck hoped that this would be enough for Christopher because it was all he could promise. The little boy got a pensive look as if he was giving the proposal some thought.

“Okay,” Christopher extended his hand like a little businessman finalizing a deal.

Buck shook the hand with a chuckle, after that their conversation became more lighthearted although Buck still felt guilt for not being able to promise or give more to the boy that he had come to adore. Christopher was back to being his happy self as he asked Buck where he was going and then became excited as Buck shared all the little details he’s learned about Hawaii. 

“Can I come?”

“Not this time, but maybe someday we can go together,” Buck said, cautious to not really promise although hopeful it would be possible since he wanted to fix his and Eddie’s friendship at some point. Hearing Danny with Steve made him miss his own best friend and miss Eddie’s own version of a rant whenever Buck did something reckless. ‘Not quite as spirited but still strong.’

After that, saying goodbye was a little easier and Buck was able to promise to keep in contact or at least promised to send Carla a daily text for her to give to Christopher. He felt guilty about going behind Eddie’s back but Christopher did not share this feeling, he was more than happy to hide this from his father who had been weird this whole time. This was something he complained to Buck about and that Carla confirmed with a pointed look which worried the blond man.

Maddie drove him to LAX and gave her own tearful goodbye in which once again Buck had to promise to text or even send her pictures that she could be jealous of. “And if you need me, remember that  I’m only five hours away. I don’t mind taking a flight and going over there,” she reassured and Buck chuckled.

“Right, your sacrifice would be more convincing if you weren’t offering to take a flight to literal paradise,” Buck teased, Which earned him a shove from Maddie. “Relax Mads, it’s not kindergarten. Retract the claws, I’ll be fine.” Buck’s words and actions contradicted each other as he hugged his sister tighter and his eyes glossed over. A tab on the glass made them turn to an attendant that was gesturing that Maddie had to move the car, the man at least looked apologetic for ruining the moment. 

“I have to go,” Buck opened the door, walking over to the trunk and taking out his luggage which consisted of a big one, a carry-on and a backpack.

‘And he wonders why I’m worried he might stay,’ Maddie thought. She also knew that Buck had only bought a one-way ticket although she pretended not to know since the man hadn’t told her.

“Call me as soon as you land and get into the hotel!” Maddie shouted.

“Alright,” Buck waved.

“Evan, I mean it,” she declared sternly. “A call not a text.”

“I will,” he turned to her and rushed to the car, putting his hand through the open passenger window. “Pinky promise.”

“Pinky promise,” this made Maddie smile and also feel at ease as she drove away letting her brother go on an adventure of his own for the first time in a while. She ignored the little voice that told her that last time she did that he almost died and came back to her broken almost beyond repair.

‘He’ll be fine, whatever life throws at him, Buck is stronger than anyone I know.’

In the last few days, since Maddie had snapped at them, a strange and tense energy was felt around the 118 like a thick dark fog. After the woman left, they weren’t safe as Athena took her turn chewing them out. The policewoman had not pulled any pushes, she went full mama bear and it terrified everyone because the woman showed how dangerous she could be with just her words. Everyone knew that Athena was a fierce woman and no one was ashamed to admit that they were terrified of her but it was almost admitted affectionately. But in that moment, they saw a whole new level to it that was no joke.

“Are you all really telling me that you think that you have any right to judge Buck for his actions?” the woman shot them with a fierce glare.

“Thena, he was childish and selfish…” Bobby tried to defend their actions, as he moved like a rescuer approaching a scared pitbull.

“And you think anyone in this room is any better? No one in this room has been selfish,” she looked at Chimney who flinched. “Has hurt those they loved,” she stared at Hen who lowered her head in shame. “Kept things hidden from others in spite of how much it would affect or hurt them,” this time Eddie got the laser beam and to his credit, he tried to remain firm before also folding under its powers with a pouty glare. “Or done something desperate to keep what grounds them,” Bobby flinched.

“Athena, he sued us and revealed things that…” Someone else tried to justify but they were shut down.

“Things that were already known,” Athena finished. “That’s right, none of the things Buck revealed were a secret or would have been a secret. Even if he had not said anything, the department would have done their own investigation and found out everything,” she scoffed. “In fact you should be thanking him because him revealing what he did stopped the department from doing their own investigation and finding out something worse.”

“I didn’t think about that,” Hen said, actually ashamed as her eyes cloud with guilt.

“I didn’t know…” many turned their heads in regret but Athena wasn’t done.

“But you’re all right, Buck, who is always eager to help and selflessly covered holidays for anyone that needed it no questions asked, the man who tried to make friends with everyone he met and was a little too oblivious to the fact that not everyone had the best intentions. Yes, the man you all call a puppy, he is the selfish one. Above all of you and all you have done, he is the one that betrayed you, the one being immature, the one that messed up.” Again her words were greeted by awkward and uncomfortable silence, at least uncomfortable for the crew.

“For reference, let’s go back, how many of you visited Buck once he was released from the hospital and I’m not talking about the obligatory first visit, I’m talking about genuine check up on him to make sure he was okay because we all know he lived alone, could often be reckless, and went through something traumatic?”

The dead silence spoke louder than any words, Bobby had taken meals to the younger man but most of the time, he had just dropped them off barely making conversation except to shout instructions and nag the younger man into taking care of himself. He knew that had been all about him, because his guilt had been overwhelming him and he couldn’t look at Buck without thinking of his own son and the suffering that both went through because of him.

Eddie wanted to contradict the older woman but he couldn’t because he knew that he had visited Buck once and then only gone if he needed the man to take care of Christopher. He always said it was because Chris wanted to spend time with his Buck but the truth was that he was low on money and his normal babysitters weren’t available. Whenever Buck talked about being bored or about his injuries, or even complained about wanting to go back to work, Eddie would admit that he didn’t give the man’s words the time he should have as Buck’s best friend. Thinking about it, he had been even condescending about it.

Hen remembered when she almost ruined her relationship with Karen after she cheated with Eva. She had been so desperate to gain Karen’s forgiveness and trust, Hen knows that she would have done anything to earn that. She more than anyone should have understood Buck’s desperation but to her, as much as she loved what she did, this job wasn’t her whole life. She would give it up without hesitation for Denny and Karen but she realizes that Buck didn’t have that and it was something that they all either ignored or forgot.

Chimney didn’t understand why Buck couldn’t get a little heat, to him the younger man had already been blessed with looks and charm. All the younger man was going through felt like karma, as the constant ugly duckling or ignored nerd that was always in the shadows of men like Buck, Chimney thought it was well deserved karma. Chimney had always had to bend backwards or humiliate himself to gain attention from girls, whereas Buck could just walk in and he had numbers thrown at him. Normally, he wouldn’t care, Chimney long learned to accept the cards life threw at him but then getting to know Buck and realizing that he’s genuinely a great guy, it annoyed him that one person seemed to have been blessed in every aspect.

“If you all think that it’s fair to unload your own issues on that poor boy because he suddenly challenged the image of the dumb puppy or vapid ken doll that you had of him,” she glared fiercely at each and everyone of them. “Because he proved that he is human like all of us,” she looked at her husband specifically. “If you think that makes what you’re doing right and justifies your behavior,” she sighed almost as if the fire within her extinguished although none of them were foolish enough to think they were saved. “Then you are not the people I thought you were, the family you claim to be and you should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“We’re just holding him accountable,” Chimney tried to speak but one glare from Athena and a nudge from Hen shut him up immediately.

“You can delude yourself all you want but don’t you dare try it with me, I actually have something called common sense,” the woman snapped. “But like Maddie said, you will all stay away from that boy,” Eddie opened his mouth as if to speak but was cut off. “And heaven help you if you don’t, I’m not afraid to call in reinforcements. Let’s not forget you all have someone you fear,” she threatened with a smirk.

Eddie thought about his abuela and his tia Pepa who adore Buck and even Christopher had been mad at him for keeping the man away. Hen knew that Karen really hated injustice and the woman had adopted Buck long before Hen even accepted the younger man as a friend and colleague, when Hen still called him the frat white boy. Chimney almost trembled at the thought of Maddie hating him even more than she already did. The others thought about their children and partners who had been charmed by the younger blond firefighter. Bobby didn’t have to think about anyone because the person he most cherished and feared was in the room.

“And I’m not just talking about visits, I mean any form of communication. Text, email, call, visit, sky message, pigeon, snail mail, cup phones, smoke signals, I mean anything. If I hear you contacted that boy before he contacted you, there will be hell to pay.”

After that, the woman had stormed off and left an almost suffocating tension behind that had them working on almost autopilot. The tension didn’t leave but only got worse as days went by. They all had been forced to reevaluate their actions although some had a harder time with this than others. Most of the crew were forced to remember all the times that Buck made it possible for them to spend holidays with their family or take care of them. 

“You’re kid is sick?! Of course I can cover for you.”

“You should spend Christmas with your kids, I don’t mind working.”

The younger man had always been willing to sacrifice whatever plans he might have had so that they could have their moments. They all noticed that they never asked why he was so willing to do that, they promised to repay the favor but they never did. Most had never even invited the younger man who seemed so lonely and sad when it came to family. 

Those closer to Buck, were having a harder time as acknowledging their wrongs forced them to confront the reasons for their actions. Bobby knew that it wasn’t fair to Buck, when he saw Buck he often saw his own son, his little Bobby. From the moment he met the young man and he saw his smile and earnest eyes, Bobby couldn’t get over the fact that his son would’ve been close to Buck’s age if he had survived. He knew that a lot of their interaction had been influenced by this thought, at least on his part. 

There were times he caught himself almost calling the young man by his son’s name. The crews teasing about them being father and son or Buck glowing as if that was the greatest praise he had received didn’t help the case. A part of him had seen Buck as an opportunity to make up for lost time or a second chance, as if the universe was testing ‘how would you have raised them’ and if he succeeded it might give him another chance.

Bobby had never told Athena this but he was sure that his wife suspected. She never said anything and he thought that this meant he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Buck got the much desired parental attention and validation while Bobby got the chance to heal, or at least he thought he was healing. ‘I was just getting worse, getting deeper into the abyss of grief and guilt.’ 

With each reckless act that Buck committed, Bobby felt his heart tighten and his grip on reality loosen. The ladder truck bombing shattered everything for him, and like the night of the fire, broke him once more. It broke the illusion and it was like he lost his children all over again. In his darkest moment, he blamed Buck for being reckless, for reminding him of his loss. He couldn’t see past his own issues, ‘I should’ve listened to Athena.’

“Bobby, I know it’s hard but you need to talk to someone. You’re just letting the guilt and pain fester. One day you’re going to be forced to face it and it will be too late.”  

‘She was right,’ thinking about Buck’s smile, his kindness, his eagerness or the way he always wanted to help and learn. All the traits that reminded him of his son but then there were the qualities that were nothing like his Bobby. The playful almost mischievous nature, the devilish charm, the contradicting balance between naive and cunning, his love for learning, ‘Bobby hated school and was far too introverted to charm or try to make friends, that was all Brook.’

“I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, let alone both but do you think it’s fair to Buck? The boy idolizes you and he genuinely saw you as a father, not a replacement but the father he always wanted and never got.”

Athena’s words played in his head; after she had berated the 118, that night, she continued her tough love and scolded him as she held him while he sobbed. It was one thing he loved about his wife, the woman was perfect at balancing the stern ‘no nonsense’ and the loving ‘I’m here for you’. Her words were what led him to make a decision he had avoided for years and that led him where he was now.

“Tell me Mr. Nash, how are you doing?” a soft spoken woman asked him. Her round glasses made her seem too young to be doing what she did, but all Bobby could wonder was if he would be able to see a reflection of what she was writing.

“Bobby,” the woman called again.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked, how are you doing?” She asked again with seemingly infinite patience.  

His first instinct was to lie, to tell the woman what he needed to so that she would say that he was as okay as he claimed to be. Bobby knew he could no longer continue this way because his actions were no longer just hurting him but also hurting those he loved.

“Not well,” he finally admitted.

“And why is that?”

Chapter Text

 Hawaii  

Danny might have done something not good but something that he can’t make himself regret although he would apologize for it later. He had taken advantage of the fact that Steve was on another wild goose chase courtesy of mother dearest. Danny also took advantage of the fact that it was a paperwork day to do some research for personal reasons. That’s right, by-the-books Detective Danny Williams was using Five-0 resources for personal benefit. ‘This was all Lou’s fault,’ he thought as he remembered the comment from the other man that led Danny to where he was now.

“Don’t get me wrong, being a firefighter is admirable but it’s not like he’s curing cancer.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying that everyone wants to believe their family is special and to them, I’m sure they are.”

Danny knew that the man had only been teasing him and Danny had opened himself up to it since after coming back from his trip to LA and meeting Buck in person, he would admit that he had been a little extra braggy about his amazing new brother.  Still, it wasn’t like he was making anything up; to him, Buck was just as amazing as Danny bragged about.

‘If anyone deserves to be bragged about, it’s that kid,’ he thought, remembering how self-deprecating Buck was.

He decided to show that Buck was worthy of all the bragging, he knows it’s childish but Lou had come in the next day talking about all his family’s achievements to annoy Danny even more. He was doing this for Buck, as an older brother it was Danny’s duty to defend his honor. Chin Ho did send him a look when Danny asked for help but he ignored the man and the smile, that was more smirk than smile. If they pulled up the information on the big screen then that was only because Danny’s computer was updating.

“Oh look at that breaking records at the academy,” Danny declared just as the rest of the crew, except Steve, were returning from lunch. Chin Ho sent him an ‘I know what you’re doing and it’s not subtle’ look that Danny ignored.

“Oh, is Detective Williams breaking the rules?” Grover asked teasingly. “Wait, that’s actually an impressive time,” the man declared when he saw Buck’s records on the screen.

That was how they ended up standing around the big screen snooping into Buck’s records. The Navy records were still redacted but the metals he got were not and based on those they could put together that the younger man’s military career was also impressive. Finding and going through his medical record almost gave Danny an aneurysm.

“Okay, let’s move to something lighter,” Kono said, swiping the information of all Buck’s medical issues away. “Oh, Danny, you didn’t tell us that Buck got an offer from Hawaii FD.”

“What?” Danny turned in surprise, Buck never mentioned that.

“Not only Hawaii,” Chin Ho said. “It says here that New York, Austin and Chicago were interested in him. Turns out he might have broken a record in LA but that also put him in the top scores in the country. Even other stations in LA tried to poach the kid.”

“Yea, Danny,” Lou declared, slapping the short blond on the shoulder. “Now this is something to brag about.”

“I didn’t know,” Danny was surprised, not at Buck being so sought after but at the young man not even mentioning it.

“He didn’t tell you?” Kono asked. “Although I admire his loyalty to his current station.”

Danny thought about Buck and the issues that the younger man has with his self-esteem and thinking everyone would abandon him. “I don’t think he even knew,” Danny’s eyes darkened and his lips pursed. There was no way that knowing how many departments wanted him and saw him as a valued commodity, the younger man would have such insecurities. 

“Chin, is there a way to check if these offers were shared with Buck?” Danny asked. He had the feeling that the fire chief or someone else hid all these offers, unwilling to give up their new golden goose. 

“It’s hard to tell since that isn’t usually documented, all I can see is that they were rejected,” the man said looking through the files. “Oh, here it says that after Buck was placed with his station, the requests that came were passed down to his captain but they were always rejected immediately. I mean within hours of being sent.”

“Even after the lawsuit?” Danny gritted his teeth and his eyes turned to a stormy gray as he was realizing the degree of the 118’s hypocrisy, especially the captain’s. He could feel himself almost tremble and everyone seemed to notice the change in the mood. The sound of Chin Ho tapping on the screen was the only thing that filled the room although they could almost hear the gridding on Danny’s teeth.

“The request from stations in LA almost stopped and the others decreased but they didn’t stop and it says here that they were all rejected,” the man declared softly, his tone was tentative as he turned to Danny. 

“So he not only denied him his job at the station but also denied him a job at any station,” there was a dangerous calmness to Danny’s tone that even Lou, who teased the blond for his intensity, was filled with trepidation.

“Come on Danny, we don’t know that was the case,” the man tried to calm the blond.

“Yea, maybe Buck was rejecting all those offers,” Kono tried, although in her tone, it was clear that she didn’t believe that.

“No, he didn’t know,” Danny declared.

“How can you be so sure?” Chin Ho wondered.

“Because I know the financial issues he was having while out of work,” Danny could not help but think about that day that Buck revealed that information.

Flashback  

Danny was really enjoying his time with his little brother, the kid was a sweetheart which made it hard to see the family resemblances since they were all so intense. ‘Although dad and Gracie are pretty chill so I can see where he gets it from.’ Danny smiled as he remembered how happy his father was with every little information that Danny shared about Buck. Even his mother was always eager to hear more about the new son that she already adopted. Despite their excitement, they were both patient and prepared to wait until the younger man was ready. His dad did get a little giddy when in one of their calls, he heard Buck in the background.

“That him?” the older man asked. “Are you there now?!”

“What?! Why didn’t you tell us?” his mother exclaimed. 

Danny couldn’t even be offended when they told him to shut up just so they could hear the younger man talking. “Oh honey, he sounds like you, a few years ago,” he was a little grossed out by his mother’s weird comments. He admired their parents’ relationship and the fact they were still in love but he didn’t want to be a witness to it.

After that conversation, his parents were more eager to talk to him and called him everyday but Danny knew that it was to hear Buck in the background. To their credit, they never pushed boundaries and asked to talk to the younger man. Danny did share a little bit about the issue Buck was having with work, mainly because his father had heard about the lawsuit, although he didn’t know it was about his new son. The older man just follows any and every news story about firefighters.

Danny felt guilty about sharing some of that with his father since he didn’t get Buck’s okay but his father made good points. “Someone definitely dropped the ball there, it sounds like the department failed him but there are options available to him.” Danny did his own research into the LAFD, their rules and regulations as well as the resources they offered. It pissed him off to see that based on what he read, the department screwed Buck over from before he even filed the lawsuit.

“Hey Buck, have you talked to your union representative?”

“No, why would I?” the younger blond asked in confusion.

“What do you mean, why? Unions are there to help and represent you because companies are only after their own interest. Think of them like the parents that step in and talk to the teachers when their kids are having an issue.”

“Oh, no, I’ve never spoken to them. I don’t even know who our representative is.”

“What do you mean? Didn’t you take mandatory counseling? They should have reached out to you then or even when you got hurt since they handle benefits or negotiations for compensation.”

“Therapy didn’t really work for me,” Buck declared while shuffling and rubbing the back of his head.

“I mean, I don’t like it either but it’s like going to the doctor, it’s necessary for the job. There’s no shame in it…”

“I know,” Buck defended almost desperately. “I just…I wasn’t in a good place back then,” the tone was soft and almost defensive.

“Yea, that’s why you go to therapy,” Danny snark although his tone was still affectionate.

“I know but…” he seemed to not want to share something which made Danny feel guilty for forcing the younger man. He was about to tell Buck that he didn’t have to share when the younger man talked. “I kind of thought I was a sex addict back then so after losing my first life, I might have slept with my therapist.”

“Excuse me?” Danny asked, his expression frozen as the revelation hit him slowly.

“I know it was stupid, everyone at the station has told me,” Buck declared, chuckling awkwardly. “Trust me, they don’t let me live it down.”

“You told your captain about this and he told you that you were stupid?”

“I mean not in those words,” Buck seemed to notice something different about Danny. “Are you okay?”

“You should talk to your union rep to see what can be done about your situation,” the older blond said instead before getting up. “Oh and Buck, you’re not stupid and out of the two people that were involved, you were not the one in the wrong,” Danny declared before walking away. 

“I’ll give you some privacy and go for a walk.”

As soon as the door closed Danny’s facade snapped and he stormed out of the apartment and building. He clenched his fist, Danny had never been so overwhelmed by anger than he was in that moment. Danny had always been a by-the-books kind of officer and he took pride in that. It was the reason that Steve’s brand of justice infuriated him but in this moment he wished that his best friend was by his side so that he could set the Navy SEAL loose on the bitch that took advantage of his little brother while he was in a vulnerable state.

“Hey Sam, it’s Danny,” he immediately made a call to his contact in NCIS. “I just learned about an ex-SEAL in LA that was taken advantage of by his therapist,” Danny made sure his tone was hesitant and emotional. “Apparently it was a department issue therapist, he’s a firefighter and when he mentioned this to his captain, he was blamed so he never reported it. I know you guys don’t deal with this but I didn’t know what to do. It didn’t seem fair…”

“What? No, of course it’s not fair,” the man on the other side was rightfully outraged. “Do you know the therapist or the firefighters name?”

“I don’t want him to be pulled into this mess, he’s recovering from an injury…” Danny hesitated. “But the therapist was a Sandra Wells,” Danny said, having looked it up before this call.

“Don’t worry, we’ll look into this,” Sam promised.

After that, they talked about Danny’s reason for being in LA and the blond getting invited to the ex-SEAL’s home and out to drinks with friends which Danny almost rejected but he figured that Buck could use being around less toxic people than the ones he calls friends and family. Once he was done with the call, Danny smirked. He might not have Steve but he was surrounded by crazy and overprotective Navy SEALs, which right now was a good thing.

“One down,” he said, excited to see the woman that took advantage of Buck lose everything. “A few more to go.”

‘I might be a little late but I will protect my little brother, I promise.’

Danny bought food for them while he was out, he asked Buck what he wanted and was happy when the younger man gave his reply with a smiley face. Danny practically whistled as he made his way back to the younger man’s apartment. “I’m just saying that after I was cleared by the doctors, my disability checks stopped so I had to take care of the bills on my own which was hard since I wasn’t given my job back.” He walked in to Buck still on the phone with what he figured was the union.

“No, you don’t get it. Fire Marshal would have been detrimental to my health and I was cleared for active duty by professionals.”

Danny walked over to the kitchen and started plating their food while still keeping an ear on the conversation going on. He was proud of how strong and firm the younger man sounded although Danny could see in his expressions that it was all a front. ‘He’s dying to apologize,’ he thought affectionately. ‘But at least he’s trying to step up for himself,’ Danny couldn’t help but feel so proud.

“It was a damage to my livelihood, which was unfair.” 

The other person replied something that Danny could see was breaking Buck’s resolve but the older man gestured for the blond man to stay strong. Danny nodded his head and smiled, letting Buck know that he was doing the right thing and Danny supported him.   

“There was something you could’ve done,” Buck exclaimed with a new found firmness. “You could have bypassed it all, at least to avoid all the liability that would come with ignoring multiple medical opinions.”

‘That’s right! You tell them!’

“I see how there might have been some mistakes on our part,” Buck got closer so Danny was able to hear what was said on the other side. “We will be happy to ratify this by offering you your job.”

“I think I’m going to take some time to consider my options,” Buck said softly. He walked away again so Danny couldn’t hear what was said but the call ended soon after that.

“That was really good…” Danny was cut off by hyperventilating. He turned to see the younger man had fallen to his knees in the middle of the living room and was in the midst of a panic attack.

“Oh god, what did I do?”

Danny rushed to Buck’s side and tried to get him to breathe. He realized that Buck had just barely held it together; for someone like the younger man, what he just did was as hard as someone with social anxiety going to a party. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Danny wrapped his arms around the younger man and held him there while Buck panicked.

“You did great,” he knew all he could do was combat the negativity in Buck’s head with some positivity. “I’m so proud of you.”

“You are?” the earnest and hopeful way the younger man stuttered that question, broke Danny’s heart.

“Of course I am!” Danny exclaimed, making sure to look into Buck’s eyes, hoping the man saw his honesty. “You were amazing back there. I had to stop myself from cheering like I was at one of the kids’ events,” these words made Buck chuckle slightly and while his breathing was still a little fast, Danny was happy he had calmed down. 

“Thanks Danny,” Buck said.

“Kid, you have nothing to thank me for. This is what big brothers are for, although between you and me, I enjoy the beating up bullies part much more,” Danny whispered as if it was some big secret.

“I would’ve definitely needed that back in school. You’ll be surprised to know that I wasn’t always this big.”

“No?! I’m shocked,” Danny exclaimed sarcastically. “You mean you weren’t born like this?!” Buck chuckled and slapped the older man’s shoulder playfully. “But don’t worry, big brothers don’t only take care of the childhood bullies but also the adult ones too,” Danny thinks about the therapist and Buck’s so-called crew.

“Promise?” Buck sounded so young and fragile in that moment that Danny swore that he would protect the kid from everything and everyone. 

“I promise,” Buck smiled at the words and the soft kiss he felt being placed tenderly on his head.

End flashback

Danny remembered the call he had with his mother and father that night after Buck finally went to sleep. He didn’t give them details since Buck didn’t give the okay but he told them that the kid has been through a lot. Danny talked about how the kid seemed to be unlucky when it came to people in his life since he always found vultures that took and took from him but never wanted to give. He did mention the piece of work that the kid’s parents turned out to be since Buck was okay with Danny sharing that as the older man’s parents were involved. 

“It’s taking everything in me not to track those bastards down and end them.” He had told them trying so hard to keep it together.

“Let’s be honest Danny, we all know you already have their address,” his mother teased. “But think about Buck, remember that to him they are still his parents.”

He hated to admit it but his mother had been right, Buck’s well-being came before teaching assholes a lesson. This was the reason why Danny had been holding back from doing anything to the 118 or the Buckley parents. He didn’t want to be another person that disregarded the younger man’s desires or preferences. ‘I would just have to settle for the news about Dr. Wells. Oh, guess she’s not a doctor any more,’ Danny thought with a chuckle that scared the team.

“Danny, you okay?” Kono was the one to ask.

“I’m fine, thanks for looking this up Chin,” the blond declared before going into his office and leaving the others confused and a little worried.

“Should we call Steve?”

“I have a feeling that if Danny is feeling homicidal,” Lou declared. “Steve will only make it worse.”

“By fueling it or supporting it?” Chin Ho asked.

“Both,” the tall man shrugged.

In his office, Danny was going over the text Sam had sent him about the therapist that took advantage of Buck. Turned out that Buck wasn’t the only one that the therapist took advantage of. There were others that she would sleep with and threatened them with not giving them the okay to return to work. Fortunately, there were plenty of firefighters willing to testify against the woman so Sam handed the case to the LAPD.

The woman’s license was taken and she was actually facing jail, as promised, Sam kept Buck out of it which Danny was grateful to him for. “This would have to be enough,” he said out loud begrudgingly. He stared at the picture of the 118 crew that he had like an assassin studying his target. “At least for now,” he smirked because there was no way he was letting what they did to Buck go that easily.

For now, Danny decided to focus on Buck’s upcoming visit. The younger blond should be here in two days and Danny was excited. He already had the house ready for the younger man’s visit, he had even set up the dining room as Buck’s room. Steve had offered to house the younger man but Danny didn’t want to leave his little brother in Steve’s hands, the man was a bad influence, ‘and with Doris coming and going when she felt like it to bring her CIA drama, I don’t want Buck to be swept away in her craziness.’

‘I have to buy some groceries,’ Danny thought, making a list in his head.

In Honolulu international airport, Buck sighed with a smile as walked out into the burning sun and the cool breeze that caressed his face. It brought up the sweet smell from the leis around his neck, he already felt lighter. Buck couldn’t wait to see Danny’s reaction when he saw him coming earlier than expected. He hailed a cab and decided to check in the hotel he books since Danny should still be at work. ‘I’ll drop the bags off and explore before surprising him later.’

L.A

Howard ‘Chimney’ Han had never been the star of any show, not even the ugly duckling turned swan or the nerd turned hero. He had always been the extra in the background, easily forgotten; as an American that wasn’t necessarily bad as being an average Joe often made him more relatable and easy to get along with. As an Asian, he was a complete and utter embarrassment  and failure, something that his father never hesitated to remind him of, if not with his words than with his actions.

He always felt split between wanting to excel and being happy as no one special. As he got older he realized that being ordinary didn’t really get him attention so he began chasing something extraordinary or something that would set him apart from the rest of the crowd. Chimney always had to work hard to even be noticed for a few seconds but no matter what he tried it was never enough. 

For this reason, he always envied others for who being extraordinary or even noticed came easy. Those that were blessed with either good looks, luck, or natural talent, because no matter how hard he tried, he could never have what came naturally to them. When he saved all those people from the bar fire was the first time he had come closest to that feeling of being acknowledged and admired. 

‘This might be it, this might be my thing,’ he had thought when he applied to the fire academy.

He hit a snafu when the 118 ostracized him but once he was in, it felt amazing. He had never been part of a group unless he was the clown making them laugh, it was like a whole new world was opened for him and it was addicting. He didn’t think that wanting to better himself was affecting anyone although he was self-aware enough to know that how he acted when Hen first joined the station was wrong. 

He had always been scared of conflict or rocking the boat but he would like to think that he was generally a very good person. He got along with everyone and once they got rid of Gerard, everything was perfect but then Buck joined the 118 and everything changed. Chimney was looking forward to teasing the probie but the kid turned out to be practically perfect; good looks, great personality and charming, ‘I mean he had a date every day and never left a scene without at least one phone number while I struggled with Tatiana.’ It made Chimney feel more inadequate than he ever had before.

‘It’s unfair for someone to be so perfect while the rest of us had to struggle just to get by.’  

He took it upon himself to remind Buck that he was just as flawed as any of them because while Buck seemed nice, it wouldn’t be good if he let all the attention he got go to his head. Chimney actually liked the kid, ‘ do you? Of course I do!’ He thinks about how he felt a little satisfied when the kid did something stupid enough to get himself fired or when girls started showing up at the station and slapping him.

‘But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t like him. It was just nice to watch him be taken down a peg. Taken down from where? Was he arrogant? No, Was he rude or mean? No,’ Chimney shook his head at the voice that sounded a lot like Maddie’s.

He wasn’t wrong about Buck being childish, selfish, and reckless, ‘ but it was always to save lives. No, he wanted to make himself the hero, most of those things were unnecessary. He wanted all the attention on himself, and you taking the credit for those ‘unnecessary’ things that he did to impress your girlfriend, what do you call that? That’s different! How? ’ He didn’t have the answer to that, he just knew it was different.  

Suddenly he felt an anger rise within him at the unfairness of it all, ‘Buck was blessed with everything, why does he need the one thing I found for myself!’ He wanted to exclaim loudly, ‘ and there it is. What? You don’t know what Buck has been through, how can you say he was blessed and even if he was, how is that his fault? ’  Chimney froze, he had never thought that he could be wrong. He was never mean or nasty to Buck and everyone else laughed along with his jokes, even Buck laughed sometimes. 

‘Bobby never said anything either, but does that make it right? ’

“We all need space, especially after going through trauma; how come you all seem to think that this is different for Buck?!”.

“Why is my brother held to a different standard than the rest of the world?”

Thinking about Maddie’s words, it all made him so confused. Chimney ruffled his hair in frustration, hazing was pretty common in firehouses even Buck knew this. ‘So why does it feel like I did something wrong?’ He couldn’t understand it, all he could do was give Maddie some space then apologize to her. 

“Maybe I should go see Hen, she might have some ideas on how to get Maddie to forgive me.”

Hawaii 

Buck wasn’t a snob, despite living in L.A, he wasn’t one to demand luxury. As long as he had the small and basic comforts he was good, ‘I can’t even deal with less than that.’ From his time on the road with Maddie, he was used to slumming it in motels and even learned to appreciate them. Somewhere pretty bad, ‘and I mean ‘even the Winchesters wouldn’t stay here’ bad.’ In the SEALs, he grew used to camping in the most basic way, the ‘for survival without even basic needs’ kind of way. So when he booked his trip to Hawaii, he wasn’t looking for five star Hilton accommodations.

He booked a motel that looked relatively clean with good scores and was close to the action. He reserved it for only a week, planning to book something closer to his brother once he knew where the man lived. ‘I might book a nicer place then,’ he thought with a smile at the idea of his new niece and nephew coming to visit him. For now, he just needed a place with a bed where it was safe for him to store his things while he explored.

Buck knew about the place Danny worked in so he figured the man had to live close to there so he looked up places near there and wrote some of them down. There were even a few hostels but he hesitated to book those since they would no doubt be full of college kids and that was not a good environment for kids. There were also a few motels and that was probably his best bet since he also had to be mindful of his budget, ‘Hawaii is expensive.’ Looking at the beautiful sun outside, Buck decided to go for a walk and check out the area.

‘Check your perimeters and assess any threats,’ he ignored the military voice that reminded him of what he was trained to always do when arriving in a new place, he wasn’t in the Navy anymore.

“Hey,” he spoke to the Hawaiian man up front. “Is there a beach nearby?”

“Bruh, this is Hawaii, there’s always a beach nearby,” the man declared with an almost cliche level of surf boy chill. The man proceeded to give Buck directions, naming a bunch of streets he didn’t know.

‘Hospitality is clearly not his thing,’ Buck thought but decided to walk in the direction instructed. ‘I will either find the beach or find something else.’

Buck had gotten a hotel away from the water but he still wanted to see and enjoy the famous Hawaiian beaches. He walked for twenty minutes before he heard the water and for the first time in a long time, it didn’t immediately fill him with panic. Reaching a main street with a lot of shops and activities, Buck was shocked that it didn’t fill him with anxiety like it normally did. He wasn’t so naive as to believe that just because he left L.A all his issues were gone but it almost felt as if they had realized he was on vacation and decided to not bother him. ‘Or maybe it was the so-called Hawaiian magic everyone talks about,’ he walked around, ignoring the stares from college girls as he passed them.

He sat by a drink stand, a distance away from the water, ‘still not ready for that’ and closed his eyes, enjoying the peace he felt despite all the loud chaos going on. He didn’t bother taking pictures or getting elaborate drinks, just a beer and feeling the sun. “Finally a tourist who gets it,” Buck turned to see an older man that was clearly Hawaiian, smiling at him. It wasn’t even the ‘stupid foreigner’ or ‘can’t wait for you to leave my island’ smile but an actual genuine smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Most tourists come here and they want to do everything, see everything,” the older man explained. “They want to party and take pictures but Hawaii isn’t for that. Hawaii is to relax and just enjoy the gifts of mother nature.”

“And what gifts they are,” Buck declared, referring to the beauty of the islands.

“Yea, we’re truly blessed but too many people come here and don’t realize that,” the older man seemed genuinely disappointed in that.

“I guess it’s easy to get lost in paradise,” Buck agreed looking at the obnoxious tourist making a scene. “Maybe that’s why not everyone gets into heaven.” His words made the older man chuckle and Buck somehow felt like he had gained the approval of someone important.

“Kid, I think you might be onto something,” the man agreed.

After that they fell into a comfortable silence until Buck finished his beer and decided to continue exploring saying his goodbyes to the man that welcomed him back any time. He was barely a few feet away when he heard someone call, “Mamo hozzit?” it’s something he had heard before, the Hawaiian lingo for ‘how are you or how is everything?’ Buck didn’t bother turning around and just hummed softly.

“I guess his name is Mamo,’ he thought before continuing on his way.

“Did some tourist cross the line again?” the man that called Mamo asked as he noticed the older man looking off into the distance almost distracted.

“Steve!” Mamo greeted the younger man with a smile, he was surprised by the missing grumpy blond presence that was always with the man. “Nah,” Mamo finally replied to the younger man’s question. “The opposite. Actually met a kid that gets what the island is about, looked like he really needed some Aloha spirit.”

“That’s rare to find,” Steve declared, looking over to see if he could spot the tourist that peeked Mamo’s interest but no one stood out.

“What can I do for you today?” Mamo asked, pulling Steve’s attention back to him and the mood turned serious as Steve remembered why he was there.

“I was wondering if you can give me some information?”

“If I can, I’m always happy to help.”

Chapter Text

L.A

Eddie took a deep breath and for the first time released it with a smile, “Hey Diaz, you’re up in 5,” someone called and Eddie nodded. This was what he needed, the only time that he felt truly relieved, it was almost like he spent his whole day underwater for the sake of everyone else and this was the only time he could pop out for some fresh air. After Maddie snapped at them in the 118 and threatened him, Eddie felt on edge. It didn’t help that he tried to call and texted Buck but the younger man never answered, it both frustrated and scared him.

‘We can’t lose Buck,’ he thinks about how desperately Christopher had been asking for Buck and how attached the boy was to the man. ‘But you’ve been keeping them separated,’ a voice chimed in but he ignored it.

Suddenly, it felt like another relationship was slipping from his hands and he couldn’t do anything to save it. He thought of the last thing Shannon told him, “I want a divorce,” and it made the frustration turn to anger. Eddie couldn’t understand why he continued to fail all those around him. And while a rational part of his brain tried to remind him those hadn’t been Shannon’s last words, he had never been a ‘think positive’ kind of guy.

He just wanted things to stop getting out of control, he wanted some sense of normalcy; he tried desperately to hold it all together but it felt like it was never enough, like he was never enough. Everything he achieved had been thanks to someone else, his heroism, providing for his family, coming to LA, even Carla had been thanks to Buck. He achieved nothing on his own and once it was just him, he was useless. This made him angry, angry at his parents, angry at the military, angry at Sharon but most of all angry at himself.

‘And everyone has to pay for it,’ the voice was back and it declared with a sneer.

Eddie wanted to deny it but even he had enough self-awareness to know that a dark and twisted part of him felt this way. When he returned from fighting for his country, all he wanted to do was be the father that Christopher deserved and the husband Shannon needed. He felt that he earned that after getting shot at for the sake of others, but instead of that the reward he was given was nightmares that led to sleepless nights. He got a world that he did not understand, that had moved on while he was away until it became a place he felt like he didn’t belong in anymore.

He tried to make it work, he tried to keep going, like the soldier he was trained to be. But it was frustrating when no one seemed to understand that he was trying, that it wasn’t easy for him to just make his brain turn off or switch to civilian mode, especially when he had forgotten what civilian mode was like. But he kept going, he took everything life threw at him and like a good soldier dodged the bullets or patched himself up and kept fighting.

When he got back with Shannon, he thought that finally he got the hang of things. Eddie thought the soldier had been truly retired and the war zone was behind him. Then Shannon died and he was back to the night on the copter, it felt like losing Greggs again but ten times worse. Suddenly, he was back in the war zone and after that, things just kept getting worse and worse. Instead of being able to take the hits, Eddie felt himself snap and instead of being able to shrug the hits off, they made him angry.

‘Give me a fucking break!’ He wanted to exclaim to life but it never stopped and his frustration built and festered until it became this dark monster that just wanted to destroy everything, ally or enemy.

His only ray of light was his son but then his little boy had been brought into this war. If Eddie was ever asked about the moment he felt himself snapped, it would have to be when Chris started being assaulted by nightmares almost as if life was not happy with his reaction and decided to torture his son instead. ‘Don’t you fucking dare do this to him!’ He wasn’t sure who his enemy was but he knew that they were winning.

‘But is it Buck?’ the voice asked and even in his angry state, Eddie could agree that the younger man wasn’t. He winced at the thought of the voicemail he left on the younger man’s phone, yet he couldn’t make himself say sorry.

‘Why bother, there is only one real way that a soldier can leave the war zone,’ Eddie took a deep breath and headed out to do the only thing that helped him carry on.

Hawaii

Even without Danny’s passive aggressive comments, unimpressed glares and snark, Steve knew that his family was messed up and 97% of that was his mother’s drama, ‘and I’m lowballing.’ Despite what Danny may think, Steve wasn’t delusional; he was aware of his mother’s flaws and her manipulating ways. ‘I’m a Navy SEAL Commander, you don’t get that title by not being observant, even while at your most emotional.’ Still, like most Navy SEALs, Steve also had some serious daddy and mommy issues, abandonment issues and so much more, that was not even talking about how touched-starve he was.

He wasn’t an orphan and he didn’t come from an abusive background, he actually had a happy, loving, and well adjusted childhood. But having that and then having it taken away, did some serious damage to him and he knew that a part of him was desperate to get it back. ‘Have I been ignoring somethings, bordering on delusional to achieve that? Yes but I know that, so is it really delusional if I’m aware of it?’ Steve thought, wanting to prove to Danny, and in part to himself, that he wasn’t so ignorant to the emotional manipulation.

As he sat in his car watching his mother while she met with a very CIA-looking ‘old friend’, Steve was very much aware of the mother he had. A part of him even knew that all the shit that his family has had to deal with, were brought on by Doris McGarett, her past and poor decisions. His father wouldn’t have had to send them away if she had not involved herself with Wo Fat’s father before ‘retiring’ half-assedly while leaving a trail for her enemies to follow right to them. His father wouldn’t have died if she had not selfishly ran away without leaving so much as a warning that they might be in danger. 

“To save her own skin.”

Steve remembers how Danny scoffed when the woman had declared that she ran to protect them and while Steve scolded and glared at his best friend, the rational ‘Navy SEAL Commander’ part of him knew that the blond had been right. Hell, that part of him even knew that the woman didn’t return for him or Mary, yet Steve still couldn’t help but yearn for the unconditional love that he thought he had been getting from his mother when he was a boy. 

‘Are you sure that she loved you and wasn’t just playing pretend for the sake of her cover?’ a voice that sounded like Danny’s asked and Steve couldn’t reply because at this point he wasn’t ready to accept the answer.

He was also loyal to a fault and couldn’t help but remain loyal to those he loved even when it was clear that they didn’t truly love him. “You need help, I will pay for it!” He already knows what Danny would say, the memory made him chuckle. He was thankful that at least he had his best friend/ work husband -despite Danny’s complaining, everyone knows it’s true- who would always be there for him, he might nag Steve but he’s always been the first one to follow Steve into the craziness and have his back. 

“Having fun, son?” thanks to his training, Steve didn’t jump at his mother’s voice but he was startled and he berated himself for getting so lost in thought that he didn’t notice when the woman had walked over.

“Not as much as you, must be nice being in without having to leave home,” Steve declared, his voice filled with disappointment.

“Steve,” the woman sighed like a mother dealing with a stubborn child. “I told you that I’m not back in.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that man wasn’t CIA,” Steve said sarcastically. “Come on mom, I know parents always see their children as kids but don’t forget I was and still am a Navy SEAL. I was trained to recognize federal agents and what agency they belonged to.”  

“I know, dear,” even to Steve’s delusional side, his mother’s tone sounded patronizing. “I won’t lie, he was a contact from the CIA but I only have them keeping track of Wo Fat especially now that he got away.”

Steve was suddenly annoyed, to him it almost sounded like his mother was blaming him for letting Wo Fat escape when the man got away under her eyes and in very suspicious circumstances. This was something he hated about his mother, everything was always other people’s faults. “Why can’t you ever just say that you messed up?” Steve didn’t mean to say this out loud but he was tired and sad by his mother’s behavior.

“When I mess up,” the woman raised an eyebrow, “I do.” His mother just walked away with the air of someone that had won an argument or put someone in their place.

Steve didn’t miss the emphasis that his mother put on ‘I’, it was clear that the woman was throwing shots at him. He doesn’t know why those words hurt so much, or maybe it was the tone or what they implied. ‘No, it was the look of utter disappointment in those eyes,’ he thought, almost physically flinching, he slammed his fist against the door of his car until the urge to cry left. Steve could feel the stares from everybody walking around and knew he had to leave before someone called the cops which would make things more embarrassing. 

As he got in his car, he got a notification on his phone and looked to see that it was one of his contacts who he asked to look into his mother’s relationship with Wo Fat. “Finally,” he exclaimed before picking up the call. “Give me something,” he begged the person on the other side.

“Yea, I’ve found something but you’re not going to like this,” the voice of a woman declared from the other side. “I mean this is some Greek family drama type shit, like when Zeus…” the woman began to ramble about some historical drama in Greek mythology which had Steve sighing.

(AN: You can pick a drama here if you want. All Greek family drama seems to start with Zeus)    

“Sara,” he called to the woman but she didn’t seem to listen as she started talking about Plato and psychology, for some reason.

Steve met Saraswati 'Sara' Douglas on a mission in Turkey, at the time the woman had been working with Interpol and had been sent to retrieve information on a target but the woman annoyed Steve’s target by correcting him and Steve had to save her. After that their relationship continued the same way, with Sara in trouble and Steve being in the right place at the right time. The thing about Sara was that the woman was brilliant, she had an IQ of 280, the highest record in the world and the highest record for a woman.

“There have been other people with higher IQ although we do not have the evidence to prove it, like Nikola Tesla, William James Sidis, Carl Friedrich Gauss…”

Steve remembered how the woman rambled, ‘kind of like she’s doing now,’ about all the geniuses in the world like a badge of honor. Although because of her high IQ, from the moment she was ten, she was very sought after by all Intelligence agencies not only in the United States but all over the world. Some didn’t even ask nicely so Steve made himself her unofficial protector, eventually getting her a low profile job that she loved, at the Smithonian. 

He kept an ear and eye on her but for the most part, things had calmed down. Still when he needed information off the books, information that left no electronic or maybe even paper trail, there was no other person Steve could call. The woman built a network of what she calls ‘nerds around the world’ and she could find out anything and everything. Their relationship was something that no one knew about, he hadn't even told Danny.  

“Steve, are you listening?” Sara’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“I was,” he declared because he’s always listening. ‘Paying attention was another matter entirely.’

“Okay, well, what I found out was that your mother was actually Mother Gothel,” she declared, really excitedly.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“You know, like Tangled, the Disney movie,” the woman sounded very proud of herself. 

Steve remembers that Sara’s last boyfriend broke up with her because she wouldn’t get his pop-culture references so like any other genius she went on a research binge and made a list of all the source materials for popular memes and references. From what he heard, she was still on Disney since according to her, she could explain away its stupidity as it’s for children.

“It means that she kidnapped/adopted a kid for her own selfish purposes,” the woman exclaimed as if she was sharing something joyful.

“And that child is…?” Steve could feel the dread building up.

“Wo Fat,” the woman confirmed what Steve did not want her to confirm. “Apparently after killing Wo Fat’s mother,” she added.

“Wait, she killed his father,” Steve tried to correct based on what he knew and had been told.

“Nope, she killed his mother, the father is still alive.”

“What?!” Steve exclaimed, he could feel his blood boiling and his breathing was becoming labored. “Okay, tell me everything,” he ordered and the woman complied, for once correctly reading the mood in a conversation.

Buck really liked Hawaii, he almost forgot why he was there while he went on a hike which some locals told him would have an amazing view. They weren’t lying, the hike was amazing and up here it was easy to forget everything but nature and the beauty of the world. The hike wasn’t short or for the faint of heart but it was fairly easy with the guardrails that helped everyone move along.

He found some little corner out of everyone’s way and just sat there, he wanted to watch the sunset but the start of the trail was kind of secluded and he didn’t want to get caught there at night. ‘Let’s not ruin this good day by getting stabbed or robbed.’ He almost hated having to go back down and leave this peace but his stomach started grumbling so he didn’t have a choice. The closer he got to the bottom, the more non-nature sounds he heard and at the sound of a siren, he was reminded that he was in Hawaii to meet his brother. Unfortunately, that also reminded him of his family drama which dimmed his good mood slightly.

Then Buck got arrogant and he decided to check his phone; ignoring the texts, he decided to check out one of the voicemails. He wondered if with enough time apart, his friends became worried about him. He picked Eddie, just in case there was something wrong with Christopher but that was a massive mistake. 

“Buck, are you seriously going to continue being this childish? Everyone else had grown up so why can’t you. We are all going through shit but we don’t act like pendejos and throw tantrums until everyone does as we want.” There was so much anger in Eddie’s voice that Buck actually flinched despite being an ocean away from the man.

It’s not that he thinks that Eddie would ever hit him but it felt like the man put some extra viciousness in his voice this time as if something made him snap. “Grow the fuck up and pick up your phone!” There was a strange tone to Eddie’s voice on the last part, if it were anyone else Buck would be sure that the man was crying. But Eddie wasn’t one to get emotional so he was sure it was just some new level of anger. 

His uber had arrived by the time he reached the parking area which was a good thing because Buck was almost dazed. He moved on autopilot as everything else seemed to check out, his good mood had definitely evaporated. He was sure he ate something at some point but if someone placed a gun to his head, he wouldn’t be able to say what. He knew he ate because there was a food stain on his shirt that hadn’t been there before.

For the rest of the night, Eddie’s words and angry tone repeated over and over again in his mind like a song stuck on replay. He knew that he needed to do something, to get out of the room because the four walls felt like they were closing in on him and his dark thoughts were about to take over. He took a quick bath and put on a black shirt and some brown pants that looked kind of dressy, then took his wallet and phone, mainly to order an Uber.

“I need to forget everything for one night.”

A few hours earlier

Steve decided to confront his mother about what he had found out but he made the mistake of doing so while she was with Catherine, which if he thought the woman -who he still wasn’t sure was his girlfriend- would be on his side, he had been dead wrong. From the moment they met, Catherine and Doris had hit it off like a house on fire. Besides the initial suspicion and caution that Catherine felt, Doris charmed the woman within minutes.

By the next day after their meeting, the two were talking and teasing Steve together like they had known each other for years. Steve had been touched by Catherine making an effort to get along with his mother and had even been more sure that the woman was it for him. But now, it didn’t seem like such a good thing, especially when Catherine was working with his mother to gain up at him.

“Cath, you’re supposed to be on my team not hers?”

“I didn’t know you and your mother were on different teams. Don't you think it’s unfair for you to bring others into your family issues.”

Her words had filled him with guilt since it was due to his family drama that his friends and allies have been suffering so much. His team at Five-0 had almost died multiple times because of Wo Fat, he thinks about Jenna and the desperation that led her to betray them; he shivers as he thinks about Danny’s poisoning and how Grace almost lost her father because of Wo Fat. Their jobs were dangerous and he knows that he can’t take the blame for everything but those in the task force signed up for that danger, they did not sign up to be collateral damage in Steve’s family drama.

“Not your family drama, your mother’s drama.”

Thinking about Danny’s words almost made him smile but they did nothing to soothe the guilt that Steve felt. He remembers all the favors that he had to call to deal with everything and the casualties that came from them. It all felt like an unbearable weight that with every information and secret got heavier and heavier until Steve would no doubt be buried under it. Still, he was a soldier, a SEAL and he was taught to never give up until he drew his last breath.

“So when were you going to tell me that you raised Wo Fat after killing his mother,” Steve savored his mother’s shocked expression. The woman often had an ‘I know everything’ and ‘no one can best me’ air that made Steve feel like an incompetent boy.

“Are those the lies they’re telling you?” the woman’s surprise didn’t last for long and Doris expertly hid her expression behind a well built mask as she tried to gaslight Steve into thinking that the truth was a lie.

It infuriated him that his mother always had to have the upper hand, everything was about proving that she was better than others, that she was an asset. It was like a woman that cared only about her appearance and everything revolved around how she looked. For Doris McGarrett it was her abilities as an agent and her skills to manipulate the narrative in her favor and getting away with things. Everyone thought that Steve was unaware of this because he’s, as Danny had said, a momma’s boy.

‘But I am a fucking Navy SEAL!’ He thought with anger at the fact that people forgot this fact. Even when he was dealing with his mother, he was still a Navy SEAL ‘as much as it may hurt.’

“Mom, don’t,” Steve stopped the woman with a disappointed sigh. “I have the evidence, would you stop treating me like a mark and treat me like your son or is Wo Fat the one son you want to acknowledge?”

“What, Steve, of course not,” Doris stepped forward, grabbing his face. “You are my only son, the only one that has and will ever matter.”

Steve wished that he could believe his mother but he doesn’t, although he does his part in making her believe that he does. He wants to test the woman, did she really return as his mother or as CIA agent Shelburne or even worse Wo Fat’s adoptive mother. “Then why did you lie? Why hide things from me?”

To protect you , 

‘Please don’t say it, don’t say it,’ Steve thought knowing that if he was on an assignment trying to convince a mark to trust him, that was what he would say. Those words are practically the words in the secret agent handbook for dealing with such situations. ‘Please don’t treat me like a mark, please.’

“To protect you,” the woman declared softly, not realizing she failed a test. “Protecting you and Mary has always been my priority in everything I do.”

“How did you plan to deal with Wo Fat?” Steve asked calmly although inside he wanted to rage and scream at his mother who stared at him with soft almost loving eyes, but now he wasn’t sure if that love was real.

Don’t worry, just trust me. 

Those would be the next words he would use to assure that the target was completely convinced. Then he would look into their eyes almost lovingly but his eyes would shift slightly to look at their body language and gestures. 

“Don’t worry, dear. I will handle him, you just have to trust me,” Doris looked into his eyes with a loving expression, her hands running down his shoulder to his forearms. 

The woman was good, it was no wonder she had been so successful; Steve wasn’t sure if it was age or he was better but he noticed the moment her eyes briefly deviated and checked out his relaxed and almost vulnerable posture. There was a reason that SEALs were shadows, unlike CIA agents, Navy SEALs don’t exist, not even as a cover.  

“Mom, I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t lose you again,” Steve declared almost desperately although inside he felt a bone chilling coldness.

“And you won’t,” the woman reassured. “Plus, you’ve given me a very competent bodyguard,” the woman gestured to Catherine who had been mostly ignored until then.

“Yea, Cath is the best,” Steve smiled at the younger woman. His mother teased him a little before leaving to give them some ‘privacy’.

“Steve, I promise I’ll look after her,” Catherine declared once the older woman left. Steve trusted Catherine, he knew there was no one more competent. His mother might see him as a mark but Catherine was on his side, just like Danny, she’s had his back. “I know it was hard for her to hide the truth from you.” Those words startled Steve and he turned to the woman with wide eyes.

“You knew?”

“Of course not,” Catherine exclaimed, but then she did it and it was like watching his mom. “Steve, you know you can trust me, I would never do that to you.” The words might have been different but the gesture was the same even the shift of the eyes.

“I know, if it’s you, I don’t have to worry,” Steve declared with the same loving smile. 

Catherine kissed his cheek and as Steve watched her walk away something inside of him broke. He was being played by the women he loved and he couldn’t even lie to himself and claim that they were doing it out of love for him or necessity. He was reminded of how his mother didn’t want to come back when he first found her, he had to practically beg her. 

‘Did she even want to return to us or was Wo Fat just the excuse she needed to avoid the cover family that she made but had gotten out of hand.’

He wondered when Doris got to Catherine or if the woman had always been so much like his mother. “You my friend have some serious mommy issues,” he thinks about Danny’s words and he couldn’t help but think that the short blond might have been right. The only woman that had ever made him feel ready and willing to commit, to spend his life with, was nothing but a clone of his mother. The revelation was too much, it all just became too much and Steve needed to leave before he snapped. 

‘Oh god, I can’t…’ he almost went to Danny’s but he knew the man had Grace and Charlie today, they were getting the house ready for the man’s little brother to visit. Instead, Steve just drove with the goal of just getting away from it all.

 Present

Buck wasn’t sure how he ended up in the bar, he wasn’t even fully sure where he was. He just knew that after not finding an Uber, he just began to walk until he found the place. It was definitely not a tourist bar, more of a dive bar that only the locals visited. He knew this by the looks he got when he walked in but he must have looked bad enough that they didn’t try to kick him out. He doesn’t even know what he ordered but he knows that he’s had at least three or more, there were only three cups in front of him so he’s assuming.

‘It’s still not enough,’ he thought, feeling the darkness still there and the crushing weight still too heavy.

He didn’t bother trying to talk to the bartender, mainly because the man never stopped in front of him long enough for Buck to even ask for another drink. He’s trying not to take it personally but since there were only four other people sitting at the bar and the place was not really busy, he’s having a hard time not taking it personally. As the bartender puts down a fifth, ‘or maybe it was sixth,’ drink in front of him, Buck hears the door open but doesn’t bother to look up until someone sits next to him. There were other seats at the bar that were open but the one next to Buck offered the best vantage point of the door and the rest of the bar.

‘They’re probably waiting for someone.’

“Give me a longboard,” the man beside him ordered and Buck could tell they were a local but it was the voice that had him looking up.

“Sorry, you sound familiar,” Buck declared after looking at his face and not recognizing it. “Have we met before?”

“Nah, I don’t think so,” the man shrugged.

“I’m Evan, a tourist but don’t hold it against me.” Buck isn’t sure what drove him to introduce himself or use his name, maybe it was the man’s good looks or maybe it was the fact that the man had the same look that Buck did, as if his world was crumbling and he was trying to desperately hold on but failing. For a few seconds, the man just stared at Buck’s extended hand and seemed to think it over before extending his own hand.

“Jack,” the slight almost unnoticeable hesitation made Buck think that this wasn’t the man’s real name but he was a stranger so he wouldn’t fault the man for being cautious. “A local and I’ll try,” the man teased with a serious face that for the first time since he heard Eddie’s voicemail made Buck genuinely smile, if only slightly.

Chapter Text

Steve ended up driving around aimlessly until he became frustrated when it didn’t ease his inner turmoil. He decided to stop at a bar and get some drinks but the thought of going to a bar he was familiar with and encountering someone he knew had him turning away from the streets and neighborhoods he knew. He eventually found a dive bar that seemed to just be a mismatch of random things from the decor, the people, the atmosphere and even the name. Nothing seemed to go together but for some reason it felt like the perfect place. As an added measure he put on a cap that he found in the backseat of his car just in case someone recognized him from TV.

Inside, the place was practically empty and Steve wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad thing, ‘as long as they have longboards, I don’t care.’ No one greeted him and he preferred it that way, he looked for a seat at the bar and found one that had the best vantage point of the door and most of the bar, it was a habit that came with being a soldier. 

There was a guy sitting next to him but the younger man, an obvious foreigner, didn’t seem to care about anyone or anything which he also preferred. Steve could recognize someone who has reached their breaking point, ‘nice to know I’m not the only one.’ He immediately felt bad for being happy at some stranger's inner turmoil which from his job, Steve knew could lead someone to make deadly decisions.

He shook his head and sat down, ordering a longboard although a part of him wanted something stronger. Still, as the alcohol hit his mouth, Steve felt something fall into place and it made him sigh in almost relief, ‘a few more of these and I can forget for a minute.’ Unfortunately, the issue with trying to drink away one's problems was the stage in between ‘I need a drink’ and ‘what was I mad about’ because in this stage Steve was too sober to forget and was aware of how low he’s fallen which made him feel worse.

“Sorry, you sound familiar,” the man beside him suddenly declared with a soft voice. “Have we met before?”

Steve almost wanted to roll his eyes at the cliche and obvious pick-up line. He wasn’t arrogant but Steve knew that he was good looking to the general public which translated into people checking him out or trying to get his attention. No matter where he went, there was at least one person that tried to talk to him and while normally Steve would be charming and might even flirt back, ‘I’m not in the mood for this.

“Nah,  I don’t think so,” he replied dryly with a shrug, hoping that the guy would get the hint.

“I’m Evan,” but the guy didn’t and Steve bit the inside of his lip to stop himself from groaning. “A tourist but don’t hold it against me.”

Steve was so ready to ignore it but from the side of his vision, he saw the man extend his hand. He wasn’t a mean person or cruel but he was also not as social to strangers as Danny. He tended to do his stoic badass soldier routine as Danny called it, “it’s like a guard dog, you tend to keep away because they’re clearly dangerous but you’re still a dog so you want to play and make friends.” As he thought about Danny’s words, he stared at the man’s extended hand, almost weighing the pros and cons of fueling this random friendliness from the other.   

“Jack,” his self-preservation instinct and Danny’s nagging about all that could go wrong in situations like this, had him giving the man another name.

‘I mean technically I’m not lying, it is my middle name.’  

“A local and I’ll try,” he teased almost on autopilot, turning back to his drink. He was ready to end this conversation and interaction with the stranger.

But then the man chuckled and Steve shivered slightly, ‘that’s new.’ He had never reacted so resonant to anyone, even Catherine hadn’t caused him to shiver, ‘at least not during our first meeting.’ 

After that they went back to their individual wallowing and for that Steve was thankful, he didn’t want to dive into figuring out something new when he hadn't figured out the old. It was better to mind his own business until he could figure his shit out so Steve ordered another beer and ignored the rest of the world.

He doesn’t know how many beers he had but eventually he felt lighter and knew that while he wasn’t drunk, he was at least tipsy. He was definitely in a better stage mentally even if it was all an illusion powered by alcohol. Alcohol was definitely going to be his excuse for everything that happened tonight. Like not ignoring the twentieth sigh that came from the man beside him. Looking at the hunched over and stiff posture made Steve think about an abuse victim that was always expecting to be hit by everyone they encountered.

‘Whether that abuse was physical or emotional,’ Steve couldn’t help but see himself, the man looked like Steve felt. ‘What are the odds,’ he huffed slightly.  

“What are you in for?” That thought was what made him break the silence.

“Best friend hates me because I sued my work,” the fact that the older man didn’t look up or hesitated in answering was more confirmation of Steve’s assumptions than his words. “You?”

The other man finally turned to him and for the first time, Steve got his first view of his drinking neighbor. It was obvious that the man was younger than Steve but that wasn’t what had him a little thrown off, the younger man was actually very good looking, almost too good looking to be in this bar. It might not make sense but there are certain places that one never expects to find good looking people in, a mismatched and rundown dive bar was definitely one of them.

And the young man’s good looks were almost ‘were you made in a lab’ levels of perfection. His eyes were so clear and blue that it reminded Steve of the waters he loved to take his morning swim in. They were so intense yet soft and Steve felt overwhelmed just looking into them for a few seconds. His jawline, his cheekbones, even the mark above his eye that looked like a bruise, only added to his good looks. 

“Turns out my mother raised my worst enemy,” Steve also blamed the alcohol for his honesty to a complete stranger. The younger man grimaced and it validated Steve, it was almost as if he had somehow won their ‘my trauma is worse than your trauma’ talk. 

“Yea, you got me there,” what Steve wasn’t expecting was for the man to admit it. The younger man’s arm reached over landing on Steve’s shoulder almost as if comforting him. “Unfortunately, you take the cake. Since there’s no cake, how about I buy you another drink instead?”

The younger man, Evan, gestured to the bartender and Steve noticed how it took him a while to get the man’s attention but he knew that was normal behavior. Many locals have a certain distaste for foreigners, especially mainlanders, some were passive aggressive or subtle while others weren’t shy about showing it. It annoyed many tourists who left to leave a bad review or complained until they made a scene. Evan just smiled and patiently waited to be noticed, ‘he’s used to it.’ Steve couldn’t help but think and he had a feeling that it wasn’t just as a tourist.

“Two longboards,” Steve finally declared, making sure his voice was heard and his tone left no room for disobedience. They had the beers in front of them in a matter of seconds and the young man turned to Steve in awe. “In situations like that, you have to make yourself heard,” he advised and they both knew he didn’t mean with just the bartender.

“Yea, that was never my strong suit,” Evan turned away to look at the beer bottle with a sheepish expression. “I don’t really like confrontation,” he added looking at the bartender and for some reason Steve was sure that it wasn’t out of fear.

‘That is the face of a man that is protecting the world from himself,’ it’s the same look that Steve sees on his face when he looks in the mirror, although unlike the younger man, he wasn’t as controlled when he was pushed.

“Yea, I get it,” Steve agreed, taking a sip of his beer because it felt like his buzz was wearing off and he refused to have that happen. He made the mistake of turning to the younger man and was blinded by a bright smile that had his brain freezing like an overheated computer.

‘Just give it a minute,’ he could hear a voice that sounded like Danny.

It was strange, he had never had such a reaction to someone just because of their good looks, ‘and I’ve met some good looking people before. As hot as he is, Evan wouldn’t even be in the top five although top ten,’ Steve was baffled by his reaction to the younger man. He wondered if it was because their situations made him feel like a kindred spirit. He shook his head, deciding to wave the thought away.

For the next few hours, the two men drank and talked about their own brand of fucked up without giving too much away. Eventually, as the drinks started to set in, the atmosphere changed from one of ‘poor me’ to ‘ c’est la vie ’ as they both laughed and joked about their own traumas like stand-up comedians. Steve was trying to get the younger man to speak up for himself and Evan was positive that he had met Steve somewhere.

“Damn, I’m sure I’ve at least heard you somewhere before,” the man insisted.

“You need to get better pick-up lines, you’ve been repeating the same one for hours,” Steve changed the subject because he was sure that Evan heard him or saw him on TV due to Five-0 business and he doesn’t want to ruin the night by bringing that up. “Does it really work for you?”

“Oh, you think that was a pick-up line?” Evan asked, both confused and slightly offended. “Do I seem like such a walking sleazy cliche?”

“I mean,” Steve shrugged, teasing the younger man.

Suddenly as if by magic, Evan went from cute puppy to hungry wolf as he leaned forward, forcing Steve to look into his eyes which turned a dark blue. The air around them also changed, becoming charged as if a lightning storm was coming. “If I wanted to pick you up,” the younger man’s voice was deeper and it sent shivers down Steve’s spine. “Trust me, I wouldn’t need cliches to do it both physically and metaphorically,” Evan declared, the tip of his tongue poked out and ran across the bottom of cherry pink lips.

“But,” Evan leaned back and as if a switch had been flipped was back to normal. Steve almost wondered if all that actually happened. “I’m not really one for pick-up lines.”

Steve turned to his beer, chugging it all before calling for another as he tried to get himself under control. He missed Evan watching him from the side of his vision with a smirk and a dark glint in his eyes. Steve has slept with men before, he had known he was bisexual for a few years but he always leaned more towards women than men. All of his serious relationships were with women, ‘although that doesn’t say much when I’ve only had two serious relationships. One only lasting a few months,’ he thought with a scoff.

Either way he had plenty of sexual experience with men and while he normally plays the dominant role, he has switched before although even with those partners, Steve has never felt this out of sorts. ‘At least not in a good way,’ he chugged half of the new beer placed in front of him as he tried to push back the desire that this stranger awakened inside of him. It was dangerous but he could not help and be intrigued.

“Sorry, did I go too…” Evan tried to apologize but was cut off.

“How would you do it then?”

“Huh?” Evan seemed thrown off by the question.

“Pick me up,” Steve turned to the younger man and felt a thrill as he saw those eyes darken like before. “How would you pick me up?” Evan immediately understood the assignment because he leaned forward and that ‘hungry wolf’ expression was back on his face.

“Physically or metaphorically?” the younger man looked at his lips which made Steve lick them. He looked down to the blonde’s exposed forearms only to see veins pop out which made Steve think about another possibly veiny part of the younger man’s body.

“Both,” his words were barely louder than a whisper but Evan heard them and smirked.

“Well, I’m a firefighter so the first one is easy ,” the way that Evan said easy had Steve clenching his toes in his shoes.

‘What the fuck is going on?! Is this guy breathing out a crack version of an aphrodisiac?!’ Steve’s body had never had such a strong reaction to someone before even if they were sexy as hell.

“The second one might be harder but I got the feeling that you would be worth the challenge,” the man added and normally Steve would scoff at the obvious ploy to stroke his ego but the tone made him believe it.

‘It’s all about tone with this guy,’ Steve was starting to think that Evan’s danger wasn’t in his looks but in his mouth. ‘Oh and what a mouth,’ although Steve was more focused on the strong forearms that had him distracted. He tried to refocus his brain but then he felt a breath caress his ear before the younger man’s whispered words that had it all falling apart.

“Want to forget everything?” There was a lewd smirk on Evan’s face that promised Steve filthy things but above all promised him a night of no thinking, just feeling, a brainless night of pleasure.

‘Maybe that’s what I need,’ Steve thought, looking at Evan, ‘maybe that’s what we both need.’

Steve didn’t even answer before Evan called for the tap and paid both of their bills then wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and pulled him up, leading him out. If Danny saw him allowing someone else to take the lead, the detective would have been sure he was drugged and if he were anyone else, Steve might have thought the same. ‘Even buzzed or drunk, I’m not that stupid,’ he scoffed at the idea that he would ever let that happen.

“Jack, you haven’t answered me,” Evan whispered in his ear and it took Steve a second to, first, focus on the words instead of the feeling of that breath against his ear and two, realize the man was talking to him.

‘Right, I gave him my middle name.’

“You wouldn’t have gotten me outside if the answer was no,” Steve sassed and the younger man chuckled. “But let’s do this on neutral ground.”

Steve went on his phone and made a quick reservation to a hotel nearby that didn’t look like someone had been murdered inside. In the meantime, Evan got them an Uber and Steve briefly admired how effortlessly they worked together without any words exchange; there was no ‘you take care of this’ and ‘I’ll take care of that’, it was refreshing. The only person he’s had that with was Danny and at some point, Catherine, ‘although not anymore.’

His thoughts were cut off as Evan grabbed his neck and crashed their lips together, claiming Steve’s mouth as if it was his inheritance and in doing so Steve’s thoughts were his and his alone, at least for the night. He realized that when the younger man said forget, he really meant forget and a side of Steve which had always laid dormant was more than happy to let the man claim until his mind goes blank. The kiss lasted a few seconds before Evan pulled away, the lewd smirk was back on his face as he led a slightly dazed Steve to the Uber.

“All thoughts on me,” the younger man ordered. “Don’t make me start the show a little early.”

‘Promise,’ and Steve could help but be enticed by that threat as he licked his lips trying to savor the taste of the other man in his mouth.

L.A 

“I’m telling you, I don’t know what to do,” Chimney groaned, covering his face. “I’ve tried everything, even sending her flowers and nothing.”

“Maybe you just need to give her time,” Hen suggested with a shrug.

The two friends were sitting in the woman’s living room after the man had called her desperate because Maddie stopped taking his calls. The man was nearly in tears and Hen was happy that Karen was out with Denny since the woman hadn’t been too happy with the 118 after hearing about the issue with Buck. The scolding her wife gave her had been epic and even Denny hadn’t been too happy that Hen had made Buck sad. She had no idea how much Buck had been involved with both Denny and Karen.

Turned out that the younger man had helped Denny multiple times on projects for school, Karen also got together with the younger man for what they called science brunches which apparently was just them getting together drinking mimosas and talking about science. Hen had always thought that Karen was meeting with work friends, she never asked mainly because her wife’s science talk flew right over her head.

“Have you thought about just apologizing,” Hen remembered her wife’s words about boundaries, bullying and apologizing.

“I’ve tried but she won’t listen,” Chimney exclaimed, opening his arms and gesturing widely which only made Hen roll her eyes.

“I meant, apologize to Buck,” Chimney stepped back looking confused.

“Why would I do that? I was just holding him accountable, we all know he was being childish and selfish,” Chimney expressed the thought he had before coming here. “Buck had been a little too arrogant thinking that because he was good looking and charming, he could do whatever he wanted,” the man had not realized that he began ranting. “People like him think they’re God’s gift to the world and sometimes they need to be humbled and reminded that they weren’t better than me.”

“You mean us,” Hen interrupted, raising her eyebrow.

“That’s what I said,” Chimney turned, tilting his head but seeming to calm down.

“You didn’t,” the words did not come from Hen and it surprised them both. They turned to see none other than an unimpressed Karen with Denny by her side. “Baby, go drop your bag.”

“Why is uncle Chimney mad at Bucky?” the young boy asked innocently.

“Go,” Karen simply ordered not taking his eyes off a sheepish Chimney. There was a dead silence until Denny was gone. “That is one hell of an inferiority complex you have there,” she pointed out to the man who looked confused.

“I don’t have an inferiority complex just because I said the truth no one wants to say to protect the golden boy’s feelings,” he chuckled, turning to Hen only to see a look of alarm on her face.

“Chim, do you hate Buck?” The tentative tone and careful stare from his best friend made Chimney feel like a ticking time bomb.

“What, of course not! I just think he’s been a little too blessed and doesn’t appreciate it the way someone else would.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you haven’t been ‘blessed’ and you’re jealous that he has so you take out something that he had no control over on him because you’re too insecure,” Karen declared, her arms crossed like a parent listening to their child lying about why they got suspended.

“What, no…I…” Chimney stuttered but Karen’s posture and expression did not change. Hen looked between her wife and best friend like a sad puppy unsure of who to go to.

“Chim, have you thought that maybe you’re projecting your insecurities onto Buck because he represents everything you wanted to be or thought you should be?” Hen asked softly because she knew that Karen was about to say the same thing but from the pissed off look, it wouldn’t be said as nicely.

Chimney wanted to deny everything, he wanted to correct them but he remembers all the times he was ignored by a girl after she’s seen someone like Buck, even after Chimney had to practically beg for her attention. The times he had to embarrass himself just to get a group of people to like him or the times he humiliated himself to make others laugh in school because he was tired of eating alone. Hearing the ‘ewws’ from girls he would ask out after the kpop crazed, thinking that actually being Korean would benefit him.

Then he thought about how Buck did nothing but smile and even some patients that were injured would stop the ambulance to give him their number. That was not even counting the numbers that Chimney got, which he took happily until he was told they were for the ‘tall blonde drink of water.’ He remembers the anger, the frustrations of thinking about how easily everything he had to work for, just came to Buck.

“It always felt like he never had to even try when we all did,” he found himself admitting, a sudden silence fell over the room and a part of Chimney expected the two women to agree.

“Or maybe he made it look that way because he had people like you making him feeling like crap for even daring to share his own struggles,” Karen snarked, not being able to feel sorry for the man that torn down a sweet soul like Buck just to feel better, to cover up his own insecurities as if Buck wasn’t a real person.

“I didn’t mean…”

“No, because you selfishly only thought about yourself, about your own struggles,” Karen looked at them both, making sure they looked at her. “Because it was all about you, how can someone like Buck have issues? He’s white, a man, good looking, charming, kind, what problems could he have?” The woman unknowingly said the things they both have thought at some point.

“Karen…”

“But you also seem to forget that he’s human and trauma doesn’t discriminate,” the woman scoffed. “Apparently unlike you,” the words made Hen and Chimney flinch.

They both realized that they might have been unfair to Buck, Hen knew that she had been through so many issues because of her gender, race or sexuality that she just waved some ‘white boy’s’ problems as unimportant. As someone who prided herself on being sympathetic and understanding to all the people she treated no matter who they were and where they came from, she realized that she had not done the same to someone who she considered a friend. 

‘I don’t think I have the right to call him that anymore.’

For his part, Chimney was realizing that he never wanted to like or see the vulnerability in Buck because he had these ideas of what and who the younger man was. These ideas were important because they supported his belief, although now he thought that maybe it just helped him ignore his flaws. ‘I might have some issues,’ he thought but even now he couldn’t understand why this bothered him so much or why Buck pushed his buttons even just by existing.

“You need to apologize when Buck is ready,” Karen pointed to her wife who nodded without hesitation. “And you need therapy,” she declared to Chimney who looked startled at the words and at Hen’s soft nod.

‘I never thought I needed therapy, I was fairly well adjusted in that part,’ he thought. He remembered Maddie’s anger, Athena’s scolding and Buck’s kicked puppy expression when Eddie tore into him in the supermarket. ‘Maybe therapy might not be a bad idea.’

Hawaii

The hotel they arrived at was pretty simple, it was not quite a hotel but it was much nicer than most motels. Steve checked in while Evan stood back, his heated stare focused firmly on Steve’s back and if Steve was anyone else, he would've trembled like a damsel in sexual distress. ‘That doesn’t even make sense! What is this man doing to me?!’ Steve wasn’t new to hook ups, even while stationed somewhere else, if he had time then he would always find someone. He had never classified himself as gay or bisexual but once he was deployed he learned that he couldn’t be too picky.

“McGarrett, if you ever want to get laid, then you better start opening up your horizons.”

“Yea, it’s like being in prison, you ain’t gay but after months of no pussy an ass starts looking mighty fine.”

“Did you just say mighty?”

He remembers the conversation he had with his first unit and while Steve understood what they meant, he didn’t agree with the derogatory, and frankly, homophobic words they used to describe their ‘conquest’ after they got what they wanted. Steve had sworn not to be like them but after a mission where they lost one of their own and barely took out their target, while they were hidden in a small farm in the middle of nowhere, Steve needed to take his mind off everything. The son of the farmer had been checking him out so Steve went for it.

It was rough and wild but they had both enjoyed it; most of all, it served to keep him together until they were back on base. He had thought nothing of it but he kept doing it and although he treated his partners better than the others, he never thought he was anything but straight. “As long as you’re the one giving it and not taking it like a bitch,” His CO at the time had said and Steve kept to himself the fact that he had been curious.

After that he met Catherine and all that was pushed back because she slowly became all he wanted. Steve forgot all about his curiosity until they were off and he needed to release some tension. So he found a partner, that time he had been in a fairly populated city so he couldn’t use the excuse of no women being available when he pulled a guy and slammed him against an alley wall crashing their lips together. It was that random man that helped him realize the truth about himself.

“Why complicate something so simple, you can like both.” After that, Steve accepted that he was Bi but leaned more towards women or so he thought.

“You still want to do this?” Steve returned back to the present and realized that they were already in the room and the tall blonde was staring at him with concern.

It says a lot about him that he was willing to stop and leave if Steve wanted him to. Not many would get this far and let the other person change their minds, even the nicer ones would have been annoyed. Steve took the time to really study the man, now that they were in better lighting. 

He could now see that the dark blonde hair was curled, some even falling on the man’s forehead, giving him an almost adorable, puppy-like look. The blue of his eyes was clearer and brighter, it was like the beach behind his house on a sunny day. The blond was taller than Steve, not by much but when he takes control and gives him that heated look, it feels like a lot. It was obvious that Evan was younger than Steve by at least five years or more if he had to guess.

“Trust me, you wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” Steve declared with a smirk and that seemed to flip the switch. Those blue eyes darken again and those plump lips twisted into a devious smirk.

“In that case,” Evan stepped forward, grabbing Steve by the chin and pulling him into a kiss. The younger man forced Steve’s mouth open and shoved his tongue inside. More than a kiss, Steve felt like he was being inspected, claimed, and dominated.

‘Fuck, please,’ he begged in his head or he might have said it out loud because he felt those lips twitch slightly into a smirk.

“Let me keep my promise,” the younger man whispered as he pulled away just enough to pull his tongue out of Steve’s throat.

He was still too breathless to speak but Evan didn’t seem to mind. Steve had always wondered what it would be like to let someone else take over, to give up control for just a second and be taken care of. Almost as if reading his mind, the younger man slowly began to undress Steve, his movements were gentle and almost loving as he caressed the skin he exposed. Steve felt himself shiver as those fingers mapped his skin like a radar sent on a scout mission.

“So perfectly reactive,” the blond whispered, his tone almost filled with reverence as he watched Steve tremble and shake under his touch.

Evan never asked about his scars or his tattoos although he spent a longer time on his navy tattoo than the others. Steve saw a flash of realization or curiosity, he wasn’t too sure because the younger man soon seemed to think that his hands weren’t enough and started using his mouth. He placed soft kissing on Steve’s skin, adding a random bite when Steve sighed too softly. 

“God, I want to devour you,” Evan declared as he got on his knees between Steve’s legs.

There was a dark smile on his face that embarrassingly made Steve feel weak in the knees. He never thought giving up control would feel so right. ‘You’ve always wanted it,’ a voice reminded him of those dreams and fantasies he only let himself have while he was alone.

“Get on with it,” that didn’t mean that Steve was going to make it easy for the younger man and just give in like some blushing virgin.

Suddenly, he was grabbed by his thighs and lifted off the floor then thrown on the bed. Steve could only blink as when he landed on the bed his pants were gone. He looked up to see the younger man raise an eyebrow, in one hand were Steve’s cargo pants with his briefs still inside. “How…?” Evan chuckled, it was like the laugh of a mischievous child with a dark twist and it made Steve shiver.

“It’s a gift,” the younger man replied. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you more.”

The man grabbed one of Steve’s long legs, lifting it and placing a soft kiss on his ankles while never breaking his gaze. He continued to trace kisses on Steve’s legs, alternating between the two and drawing breathless sighs from the older man. By the time that Evan’s kisses reached Steve’s upper thigh, the older man’s cock was hard and bright red. Embarrassingly, the younger man grabbed his legs and pushed them up. If it were not for his training, Steve was sure he would let out a humiliating sound.

‘How can he move so fast and silently?!’

A sudden bite to his inner thigh, so close to his balls, made Steve let out the high pitched sound he had been avoiding. “So perfect,” the reverence in that tone made Steve’s cheeks blush lightly, for some reason he wanted to make that sound again just to get that praise from the younger man. Evan moved to the other thigh biting it harder, making Steve moan. He was sure that would leave a mark and that thought only seemed to ignite a fire inside him.

“Oh, you like being marked,” it wasn’t a question, it was a declaration that was followed by more bites all over his thighs.

Steve’s cock was practically gushing and his toes curling as he became more desperate for release. The younger man was touching him all over but avoiding all the right places yet still managing to drive him crazy. “Do you also like pain?” the younger man asked, before Steve could reply, he felt those teeth on his sensitive balls, grabbing and pulling on the skin.

“FUCK!” Steve arched off the bed, his vision whited out as his toes couldn’t seem to curl enough.

He turned down to stare with wide eyes at the smirking younger man, “I’ll take that as a yes.” Steve wanted to say that he had never liked it before, praises or pain were never one of his kinks. He had done this for other lovers but it had never been his thing, or at least he thought it hadn’t.  Evan leaned forward and Steve braced himself but this time the blond kissed the place which he had bitten.

It was soft and tender which made him sigh but then the younger man turned and gave the same treatment to the other ball. And Steve felt the same shock of electricity at the pleasure pain that traveled up her spine, ‘so it wasn’t a fluke. I definitely liked that,’ Steve thought and whined as the younger man placed a soft kiss on the skin. Evan continued to tease him, his kisses and bites getting closer to the ring of muscle that kept twitching as if calling the blond, one bite got so close it pulled at the skin of his hole. Steve had never cum untouched but he felt like he was hanging by thread, ‘tonight might be the night.’ It was already a night of firsts so he wouldn’t be too surprised. But suddenly his cock was engulfed in something hot and soft.

Now Steve wasn’t massive but he was definitely above average. He had never had any complaints but he had met men bigger than him but also smaller. The thing about him was that he was long which meant he could hit deep although not fill his lovers up so much that it became uncomfortable. He was long enough to hit the back of his lovers’ throat every time even without being all in. With that being said, all that flew out the window as the young man between his legs just swallowed his cock as if it was barely an inch.

‘That should not be as hot as it is.’

“Evan,” Steve moaned, making the younger man pull away with a grin.

“Want to feel a trick?” He asked and Steve could only nod almost mindlessly. “Eyes on me, if you look away or close your eyes, I’ll stop,” it was an order and a warning. One he had no plans to disobey.

‘At this point, I’ll do whatever he asks,’ he thought and he was surprised by how right that felt.

There was no more time for coherent thought as Evan took all of Steve back in his mouth. Feeling it was euphoric, but seeing it and feeling it was almost too much. Still, Steve was a good boy and he didn’t take his eyes away from the sight, even as Evan looked up at him and with a glint in his eyes gulped. 

Steve’s eyes crossed over and his back arched once more, as promised the blond pulled away making a tsk-ed sound of disappointment even as Steve whined. “What did I say?” The blond man asked and it was too cruel, he had just felt the back of the younger man’s throat seemingly open and contract against the tip of his cock.

‘Who was meant to stay focused after that?!’ He was only human and that trick was a damn near lethal weapon.

“Sorry,” still, Steve whined. There was a desperation in his tone that would’ve surprised him had he not been so deliriously turned on. “Please,” Steve pleaded, uncaring, “let me cum.” 

“Oh doll , you are so perfect when you beg like this,” Evan practically crooned, there was so much affection and pleasure in the younger man’s voice that it almost made Steve preen. “But you have to promise to be good,” Steve just nodded frantically. “Remember eyes on me,” Evan ordered before swallowing him down again.

Steve felt the veins in his neck harden and pop as he forced himself to keep his attention and eyes of the man. Those eyes had darken into an almost midnight blue and those lips twitched before the younger man did his little trick again. Steve’s eye twitched with the effort it took to keep his eyes open and on the man between his legs. The blond looked proud but then a mischievous glint shined in his eyes and Steve knew he was in for trouble.

The actions were simultaneous and it overwhelmed Steve, just as one hand grabbed his balls another shoved two fingers in his mouth. ‘What the…?!’ He was sure that the younger man was trying to kill him. He didn’t notice his eyes were closed until all sensation stopped and a tsk-ed was heard. He opened his eyes to see those blue eyes look disappointed.

“I’m sorry, please,” he begged, the voice was whiny and needy.

‘Is that me?’

“Perhaps I asked for too much,” for some reason the softness to that tone made Steve desperate.

“No, please,” he pleaded in a way that was so unlike him. “I can do it,” that determination and stubbornness was more like him.

“Okay, we’ll try again.”

And so they kept their little game although for Steve it felt more like torture as Evan repeated the process every time Steve couldn’t take it and looked away. He was sure he was going crazy, “have you forgotten everything?” the blond asked and Steve wasn’t sure what he meant, there was nothing in his mind but a desperation to cum.

“Please, let me cum,” the younger man shoved his fingers into Steve’s mouth.

“Earn it,” he ordered and Steve obediently sucked on the fingers as if they were the man’s cock. “Sloppier,” the younger man ordered and Steve did as he was told, the thrill of pleasing the man and making those eyes darken in wild desire was new yet addictive.

Once the younger man's fingers were wet enough they went back to their game, his mouth wrapped around Steve’s cock, the gulping trick, a hand playing with his balls, but instead of the fingers in his mouth, the fingers invaded somewhere else. Steve tensed for a brief second but the hand on his balls and the throat constricting around his cock distracted him. It wasn’t the first time he bottomed but it would be the second time and it has been a long time; he had not liked the first time too much so he was hesitant. Or he would be if the young blond hadn’t already fried his common sense.

Evan swirled his tongue around Steve’s cock and the older man forgot about what was going on below. He almost closed his eyes but forced them open again before the blond stopped, the twitch in those lips told him the blond noticed but kept going. Before he knew it a finger pushed inside him but his balls were squeezed at the same time so it was lost in the pleasure and slight pain. The finger thrusting inside of him felt strange but not unwelcome, although Steve was sure it was mostly because every nerve in his body felt sensitive.

Soon the finger moving inside him was forgotten in the face of the other stimulus. The hand on his balls pulled and pinched the skin, “FUCK!” And it was too much, everything exploded around him and he blacked out. Steve was even sure he passed out, although he did feel the gulping from the younger man, this time more purposeful.

‘This man is going to be so much trouble, yet I can’t help but want it.’

Buck swallowed everything the older man gave him, the salty but slightly sweet taste of the man’s cum in his mouth made him lick his lips. He might have taken it too far with the man, it just had been so much fun to torture him because despite his stoic, ‘I’m always in charge’ expression, the older man reacted so perfectly to everything Buck did. He never believed in the idea that someone was meant to play a specific role, sexually or romantically. To Buck everyone had the potential to do both if they truly wanted to. He was mostly a switch in his relationships with both men and women but he did enjoy taking a dominant role sexually because he loved spoiling and taking care of his lovers.

‘Treating them like the center of my world,’ he thought as he stared at the man that laid boneless on the bed.

It was also a huge ego boost to see his partners fall under his attention and touch. No one ever wanted Buck, he was never their first choice but in the moment it felt like he was their everything. He knows that it’s selfish but just for that one moment he was able to feel wanted and needed. “You’re so needy, maybe that’s why you like both. More options,” he thought of the sneers of his first male lover after he found out that Buck was Bi.

He shook his head focusing on the present, he rubbed the man’s legs to avoid pain, soreness or cramps, he had bottomed enough to know how painful that could be. He gets up, missing as the man’s eyes open slightly, when Buck returned the eyes were closed. The warm wash cloth was passed over the older man’s legs, his pelvis and even his cock which had been covered in Buck’s saliva. This made him blush, ‘it’s been a while since I sucked anyone off, might have gotten carried away.’

As Jack opened his eyes, Buck felt awkward because he was not sure what to do. He wondered if he should leave, ‘people don’t usually want to keep going after an orgasm that makes them pass out.’ The older man’s eyes were still glazed but he was alert, Buck thought about the Navy tattoo he saw on the man’s shoulder.

“I still haven’t forgotten,” Jack broke the silence confusing Buck.

“What?”

“You promised,” the man turned his head looking at Buck, there was a glint in those stormy blue-gray eyes. “I still need to forget a few more things,” it was a request, an invitation and an order; it made Buck want to grin like an idiot because he was still hard.

“In that case,” Buck smirked, falling back into a role that comes so effortlessly to him, ‘at least during sex.’

Buck began peppering kisses on the older man’s body, focusing on the top half to give the bottom a chance to recover. It was soft and sweet; he kept his touch gentle, laying on the side and grabbing the man’s face to pull him into a kiss. It took the older man a few seconds to react which told Buck that he still wasn’t ready. Buck didn’t mind, he was enjoying playing with such a work of art. There was no doubt that the older man was gorgeous, his eyes were bright and intense, there was a devilish almost impish twist to his face, and his body,

‘Someone was definitely God’s favorite,’ he thought because beside the muscles that no doubt were earned by the man’s hard work, the older man also had the bone structure and sizes that didn't come with hard work. ‘That is all genetics,’ Buck wondered if he possibly had siblings, like the Hemsworth or Skarsgard brothers.

He knew that the man was definitely in the Navy but that wasn’t surprising since there was a very famous Naval base here. He’s kind of glad that he didn’t go through with getting his all Navy tattoo despite all the peer pressure from his squad. At the time, he had just been worried about Maddie. His older sister could barely handle him being in service and he didn’t want something that reminded her of it every time she looked at him. Buck promised his CO he would get it once he was out but with how he got out, getting a tattoo was the last thing on his mind.

Turning back to Jack, Buck marvels at how sculpted the man was, it was almost as if he was made of marble instead of flesh and blood. “Are you one of Michelangelo's masterpieces come to life?” he couldn’t hide his awe. He missed the blush that dusted the older man’s cheeks, too distracted tracing the canals between his hard abs. 

‘I mean the man actually has an eight pack!’

Jack let out soft sounds that turned into a low moan as Buck squeezed his hard pecs, “look at these, they’re practically tits.” It wasn’t meant as an insult or a tease, Buck had actually slept with women whose breasts were flatter than the older man’s pecs.

“Exaggerating,” the man tried to speak and Buck grabbed his chin, rubbing the plumped bottom lip with his thumb.

“Don’t worry,” he reassured with a smirk. “It was a compliment, let me show you,” with that Buck leaned forward and bit into one of the pecs making Jack arch so beautifully.

The older man’s reaction proved that he had a thing for pain, not a full blown kink but enough to make things fun. Buck wanted to mark the chest lightly dusted with hair, so he did. He bit and sucked every inch of the man’s chest, making the older man pant. Jack was so sensitive to his touch that it made Buck wonder, he licked one of the perky nipples only to smirk as the older man arched his chest as if begging for more of Buck’s touch.

“God, you really are perfect, aren’t you,” Buck sucked on the hard nipple, biting it while twisting and pulling the other with his fingers.

“Now,” the man exclaimed and Buck was confused until he felt something poking him. He looked down to see that the man was already half hard.

“Look at that, someone is ready to play again.” He pulled the nipples hard, one with his teeth and the other with his fingers. Jack’s little sounds turned into moans and it was music to Buck’s ears, “good thing I’m great at multitasking.”

He lets go of one nipple and puts two fingers close to the man’s mouth, he doesn’t even have to ask as they are eagerly swallowed by the older man. The blue-grey eyes were glazed over but still as intense as when Buck first saw them. Although there was a lightness to them, the shadows that once felt familiar to Buck, were no longer there. It made him happy, he couldn’t do anything about his own shadows but at least he could ease this man’s, even if just for a few minutes.

Once his fingers were nice and wet, Buck pulled them out and moved them down. He had noticed earlier that the man wasn’t too sure about being fucked, he noticed how he tensed whenever Buck went near his ass. Still, the older man didn’t ask him to stop or push him away so Buck was sure that it was his first time. He mentally promised to make it good for the older man, unlike his first male lover did for him.

The first finger went in easy, since the man was still a little stretched from Buck’s earlier fingering. He fucked Jack with one finger, letting him get used to the feeling, ‘to love it.’ The love bites were darkening on the older man’s chest and when his hips pushed down to meet Buck’s finger, the blond felt he was ready for another. The second finger was a stretch and he could feel the older man tense. Buck slammed their mouths together in a filthy and almost violent kiss, “relax, doll . I’ve got you,” it was an order and Jack’s body obeyed.

“That’s a good boy,” Buck continued to kiss him until he felt the man’s walls clench around his fingers as if trying to keep them in. He smirked and continued finger fuck the man although he kept a slow thrust. 

He went back to playing with the man’s nipples to distract him as he increased the speed of his thrust. Once he felt the man loosen up he moved and wiggle his fingers, caress and pinching the man’s inner walls. ‘God, I wish I could eat him out,’ Buck licked his lips at the thought of spreading those cheeks and feasting until the man below him was nothing but a trembling and babbling mess. ‘I could still turn him into a mess, I just have too…’ 

The older man suddenly arched practically completely off the bed, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. ‘There it is,’ Buck smirked, he pushed against the magical spot with each thrust. The squelching sound that filled the room as he finger fucked the older man with more fervor was so sexy that Buck was worry it would make him cum. ‘I have to speed this up, but first,’

He continued to abuse the man’s prostate so that when he added a third finger, Jack didn’t even flinch or tense. The stretch made the older man fully moan and push down against those fingers. The sounds and the reaction from the man below him were too much for Buck to take. “Fuck, I can’t wait any more,” he opened his pants pulling his hard cock out of his pants.

Buck never liked to brag but there was a reason he called himself firehose, it was a name given to him by the guys at the academy after they saw him in the shower. He knew that he was big, “boy, I’m not sure if you’ve been blessed or cursed.” One of his lovers had once declared, daunted by his size. For some, the issue was that Buck was both thick and long to an almost uncomfortable degree. It made getting blowjobs nearly impossible and fucking even more.

“I ain’t taking that monster!”

“Are you a fucking lab experiment?!”

He was always careful, making sure that his lovers were stretched well before he even got near them and even when they wanted to stop after seeing his cock then Buck would pull his painful hard-on in his pants and stop. He heard the moment when Jack saw his cock and he held his breath waiting for the man to kick him out. “Go slow,” instead the older man opened his legs while asking slowly. There was a glint of stubbornness and challenge in those eyes, this was clearly a man that was not used to backing down from a challenge. 

Buck was happy that he always carried a condom in his wallet and even happier when he saw a small pack of lube. Jack’s eyes never left his cock as if it was some massive snake that could attack at any moment. As much as he wanted to just slam his cock inside the man and just fuck him with wild recklessness, he wasn’t cruel and he wanted this to be pleasurable for both of them. He carefully placed the condom on, knowing that too much attention would make him cum prematurely. Buck  poured the lube on his cock, then used his three lubed fingers to fuck into Jack’s still tight ass.

“I can’t wait to fuck you open,” his voice was hoarse as his desire got suffocating. “ Doll , I’ll stretch you so well you’ll feel me and think about nothing but my cock, about the feeling of being filled so much it almost feels like too much.” Jack moaned, pushing his hips down chasing Buck’s fingers as the fingers were pulled out. “But you’ll love it, won’t you? You’ll want more,” Buck had never been one to talk dirty, he had been told that his attempts were cringy. 

‘But he’s different, doesn’t react like the others.’

“Won’t you?”

“Yes,” Jack moaned desperately.

“You were made to take my cock, weren’t you sweetheart,” Buck slammed all three of his fingers against the man’s prostate, making the man moan so loud that Buck worried they would get a noise complaint.

“YES!”

He pulled his fingers out, making Jack whine but they were soon replaced by the nudging of something thicker. “You ready?”  The older man nodded, pushing against the thick tip, even with the three fingers it was a stretch but Buck went slow. The man was almost unbearably tight, it also didn’t help that Jack’s unconscious reaction was to tighten his muscles.

“Oh fuck,” Jack whined as he gasped. 

Buck spread his legs and pushed them back, practically bending the other man in half. He pushed slowly, the stretch and tightness was almost painful for both of them. Buck was halfway and he groaned as he saw the sight of his cock stretching the bright red ring on muscles, it was a sight to behold and he almost wanted to take a picture. Almost hypnotized, he rubbed the stretched ring, grinning as he made the man moan.

It felt like hours before he was able to move and even then it was a slow process. Buck desperately wanted to slam all of his cock into the man. “That’s it, you’re doing so well,” instead he whispered to the man that panted almost out of breath.

“Move,” he was surprised when the man grunt, his intense eyes almost glaring at Buck. Whether it was for not moving or being too big, Buck wasn’t sure. He couldn’t help but stare, with him people’s first reaction was to scold and berate him. “Please,” the man added, a slight desperation in his voice.

“As you wish,” Buck smiled and began to move, pulling out slightly and then back in.

He kept this going until Jack’s whines turned to moans, that was the seal of approval he needed to fold the man in half and start fucking him like they both needed. He pushed the dark thoughts and planted only thoughts of pleasure, of them, of this moment. “Fuck!” Buck grinned at the sound of their skins slapping together as he slammed into the man over and over again. “Too much, too much, too much,” the other man chanted.

“Want me to stop?” Buck smirked as the man’s walls tightened around him as if saying ‘don’t you dare’ and he didn’t.  “Good, then forget!” it was an order, “forget everything and everyone,” each word was followed by a thrust, “think only of me, my cock, of pleasure.” 

Buck lifts the man’s hips getting a better angle, “THERE!” He was sure they were getting a noise complaint because even their fucking couldn’t drown out the banging on the walls from their no doubt annoyed neighbors.

“Think only of us!” He ordered with a growl, grabbing the man’s cock. “Nothing else matters.”

“YES!” the man exclaimed, “Please, I need to…” it was a sight to see such a man transform due to pleasure. “Let me cum!”

“Say it!”

“Please,”

“Say it! Nothing else matters,” Buck pushed, tightening his hold on the man’s cock to an almost painful grip.

“Nothing else matters!” Between moaning and babbling, Jack eventually got it and Buck smiled.

“Good doll , now be even better and cum for me,” he squeezed the man’s balls and while slamming into his prostate. 

Buck wasn’t sure if it was the command, the slight pain in his balls, the praise, or the hard fuck but in the moment Jack arched off the bed and came. The man’s cum shot up, painting his chest and folded thighs. His walls tighten around Buck’s cock but instead of slowing down, Buck rode the wave of the man’s orgasm, increasing the pace. It only took a few thrust and he could feel his balls draw up. Buck pulled almost all the way out before slapping in, moaning as his orgasm crashed into him. 

Everything seemed to freeze around him as he stood there inside the man, filling the condom. Neither of them talked or complained, once Buck calmed slightly he carefully pulled out and disposed of the condom that was fuller than normal, ‘damn, it really has been a while.’ He wet the now dry washcloth he used to clean Jack after the first orgasm, with hot water. 

The older man was still lying where Buck left him and it made the blond smile. He gently cleaned him up, wincing slightly at all the marks he could see already forming, knowing that tomorrow they’re going to be much darker and harder to hide. Once he had the man cleaned, he rubbed and stretched his legs once more. The man whined at being moved but Buck just shushed him softly, “you’re going to be sore tomorrow, don’t want to make it worse.” 

“Here, drink,” he placed a cup of water in front of the man who at first refused to drink. “It’s just water, see,” Buck drank reassuring the man that barely had his eyes open.

‘Leave it to a soldier to be alert even when it seems like he shouldn’t,’ Buck scoff playfully but still impressed. He was a SEAL and he doesn’t think that his alertness and observational skills were that honed. 

“So,” Buck asked once the man opened his eyes and seemed more coherent.

“Mission accomplished,” Jack declared with a thumb’s up and an almost loopy smile, this made Buck chuckle.

‘Maybe my time in Hawaii might be better than I thought.’

Chapter Text

Buck wasn’t sure when he fell asleep but when he opened his eyes again, the sun was already out and he was alone. Looking around the room he noticed a note by the nightstand that simply said ‘thank you’ but nothing else. He wondered if this was how prostitutes felt, ‘although they at least get money instead of a note.’ Buck wasn’t angry, both him and Jack had been looking for a one night stand so it would be foolish to expect anything else, ‘you get what you pay for, no pun intended.’ Instead, he got dressed, making sure he had everything before leaving the room. 

Going to the lobby to settle the bill, he learned that the room had been paid for and again Buck felt strange. ‘Maybe I’m just over and done with the one night stand games.’ As much as he enjoyed his night with Jack, he was reminded why he no longer did one night stands. Buck wanted something real, he wanted someone that would stay the next morning, someone he could make breakfast for, ‘and maybe have round two before we each went about our day.’

Still, he couldn’t help but admit that he felt so refreshed and energized, although there was always a part of him that fears he might turn back into Buck 1.0, ‘now is not the best time to go back to that.’ He pushed those thoughts away, deciding to freshen up at his hotel room before going and surprising his brother. Thinking of his brother and the older man’s reaction to Buck’s early arrival, made him grin. He had told the older man that his flight would arrive tomorrow, even giving him the same time as his real flight. He was coming out of the shower when his phone rang and he chuckled seeing that it was Danny.

“Hey, Danny, what’s up?”

“Just checking in, do you have everything set for tomorrow? Are you packed? Checked in? Checked for any delays? Are the bags weighted and paid for?” Buck’s older brother continued listing tasks that Buck should do pre-travel, a list that was very similar to the one Maddie gave him the day before his flight.

‘I guess older siblings are all the same.’

“Yes, Danny,” Buck declared, his tone affectionately exasperated to tease the older man. “I’m packed, checked in and I double and triple checked that I have everything, although even if I didn’t I could always buy something since I’m going to Hawaii not war.”

“Okay, smartass,” the older blond snarked and Buckle just chuckled because now he understood that this was just Danny showing love and affection. “I kind of hope you forget something, maybe your charger.”

“You shut your mouth,” Buck gasped and exclaimed. “Don’t put that out in the universe,” this made Danny chuckle and Buck felt so proud of himself, he knew it was stupid and no doubt pathetic but having Danny like him and enjoy his presence was very important to him.

“Anyways, shouldn’t you be at work?” Buck asked, deciding to fish for information before the older man had to hang up.

“I am but we haven’t got a case so it’s a paperwork day,” the older man declared.

“So in other words you’re bored and called me so that I could entertain you,” Buck teased and he could hear Danny making his grumpy, ‘I’m about to rant’ sounds.

“Watch it, brat; I swear kids these days,” Buck could almost see the older man shaking his head and it made him chuckle.

“Why don’t you go get a snack or something, didn’t you say there was a bakery close to your work?”

“Yea, I might just do that. I could use some good coffee and a masala,” the older man proceeded to tell Buck about the deliciousness of masalas.

“I expect to try some when I get there.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll greet you at the airport with a whole box.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

They talked for a little longer before Buck made up a lie and ended the call when he heard Danny heading out. ‘This is my chance,’ he had researched the area around Danny’s office before arriving; if the bakery hadn’t worked he would suggest the juice bar although he knew that Danny was more of a coffee man than a juice man. Getting an Uber took longer than he would’ve liked but he hoped that since it was two in the afternoon there would be enough of a lunch crowd to stall Danny until he arrived. It was a good thing he picked a hotel close to the man’s work because it didn’t take him too long to arrive, traffic also wasn’t as bad as L.A. 

As he got out of the car, nerves began to hit him hard and he began to second guess everything. ‘What if Danny got upset that I lied? What if he didn’t want to see me until tomorrow? I’m barging into his life,’ his thoughts began to run away from him but as much as he wanted to take a step back and rethink his decision, he couldn’t because just as he turned the corner, he saw Danny walking out of a bakery.

His older brother looked the same as when he went to see Buck a few weeks ago, although the older man did look out of place in his dress pants and dress shirt among the sea of shorts and flip flops. He held a cup of coffee and a brown bag in one hand while the other hand held a round ball of sugary dough. ‘It’s now or never,’ Buck tried to hype himself up as Danny walked towards his car but whether he was ready or not, there was no turning back. 

“That is definitely not the box I was promised,” his voice made the older man look up, Buck noticed that he didn’t jump although his eyes shine with surprise at seeing him.

‘Always a detective,’ he thought fondly.

“Buck?”

Danny stared at him with confused and surprised eyes as if he couldn’t believe that he was there and it made Buck smile, “surprise?” He was meant to exclaim but it came out as a question thanks to his insecurities. But they only lasted for a second as Danny rushed over and hugged him like they had known each other all their lives and had been apart five years instead of the barely five months.

The older blond might be shorter than Buck but he’s all compact muscles so Buck felt that as the older man hugged him tightly even lifting him slightly without even struggling. ‘Damn, that’s definitely a ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’ case.’

“Wait, how long have you been here?” Danny eventually pulled away and stared at him with squinted eyes and a pensive look, Buck could tell there would be a rant or lecture in his future.

“What makes you think I didn’t come today?”

“The tan,” Danny pointed to the faded red line at the edge of his shirt. “That doesn’t form in one day even in this hell hole.”

Buck should have known since Danny was a detective and a good one it wouldn’t take him long to figure things out. It was part of the reason why Buck didn’t want to prolong his stay since sooner or later his brother would’ve figured out that Buck was in Hawaii instead of L.A, ‘can’t have that.’

“Not too long, I wanted to surprise you,” Buck declared almost meekly, the thought that Danny might be upset by Buck lying or coming earlier came back and had him feeling nervous. “I got a hotel for the time being, I’ll get somewhere closer now,” Buck explained, trying to justify and pacify the possible anger or disappointment that Danny might be feeling.

“Absolutely not,” the older blond declared and Buck flinched, sure that this meant Danny didn’t want him close.

‘I’m not surprised, I’m too needy and clingy.’

“The house has already been set up,” Buck’s eyes widened, those weren’t the words he was expecting. “Grace and Charlie helped me set up the dining room as a makeshift bedroom.”

“What? Danny, you didn’t have to do that,” Buck felt guilty about putting the older man out. “I can stay at a motel or…”

“No! You’re family, it might not be a mansion but my house is always open and available for family. If the neanderthal I work with enters like he owns the place,” Danny grumbled with a pursed look, “then you definitely can. There’s also Charlie’s room but I figure you wouldn’t be too comfortable in the car bed.”

“I don’t mind sleeping in the dining room, but I don’t want you to change the whole layout of your house when I would only be sleeping in it for a few hours.”

“You did for me,” Danny pointed out and Buck stuttered.

“Well…yea but…it’s different.”

“Why, because you’re the only one that should sacrifice?” Danny’s question was rhetoric but Buck almost said yes because that was how all relationships in his life went, he was always the one to give in and sacrifice to make things work. “Buck,” Danny sighed, seeming to read his mind. “That’s not how a healthy relationship works or what someone that actually loves and cares about you, would want.”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t be, we’ll get you there,” Danny teased affectionately. “Now, let’s get your things from wherever you’re at and take it home,” Danny led Buck to his car which the younger man couldn’t help but whistle at in appreciation. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” 

“She’s amazing, Danny!” Buck was more of an off-road kind of car lover but he could appreciate the sleek cars like the camaro. 

“Fortunately, you caught me on a good day when the neanderthal is busy so I actually get to drive,” the older blond snarked out, spitting out the word neanderthal like it’s a bitter taste despite the fondness in his eyes. The contrasting expressions of emotions made Buck chuckle.

“I thought you didn’t have a case?”

“We don’t but let’s just say that Steve’s family drama makes ours seem like child's play,” Buck’s eyes widened because he couldn’t think what could be worse than finding out you were made from stolen sperm to be a savior by parents who ended up not wanting you but also not wanting you to know the truth.

“Shouldn’t you be with him as his partner and best friend?”

“I don’t agree with the side he’s taken or his ‘family’ so it’s best I stay away unless needed,” there was so much frustration and annoyance in Danny’s voice which told Buck that the older man didn’t want to stay away. It was clear that he wanted to be there for his best friend and staying away wasn’t his idea.

“Sorry,” Buck felt guilty as it was clear that he stirred up something painful.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re not the blonde that should apologize,” Danny shrugged and Buck would guess that the infamous Steve was blonde. Buck pictured a cliche surfer dude with the neck-length golden blond hair, slightly tanned skin, muscular, tall and only speaks in annoying lingo.

‘Basically what everyone assumes I am.’

Steve wasn’t one to sleep next to just anyone, it wasn’t even a SEAL thing, he had just always been that way. He never felt comfortable sleeping next to someone that was not family because it meant letting himself be vulnerable. After his training this ‘quirk’ just got worse because he realized how truly vulnerable he was while asleep. This was why he always made sure to leave his sexual partners right after. He never stayed, even with Catherine, it took him a couple times and months together before he felt comfortable to sleep with her by his side.

For this reason, he was surprised when he opened his eyes and realized that he had actually fallen asleep after being gently cleaned by the young blond man, the man who was currently wrapped around Steve like an octopus. The younger man was like a heated, weighted blanket, it felt nice for a few seconds before his brain reminded him that this was a stranger. ‘What the hell am I doing?!’ Not only was this man a stranger but Steve remembered that he was with Catherine and for all their issues the woman did not deserve this.

He got out of the man’s arms with some effort since the younger man clearly had no plans to let him go. It was still dark outside so Steve was sure that he had just napped, checking his phone he realized that he might have been out for an hour or two which for him was still a lot. His legs felt shaky and his lower back was sore, something that only happened after some serious workout. 

‘You should feel proud,’ Steve looked down at the handsome young man. ‘You made a Navy SEAL Commander sore, that’s not something anyone can say they’ve done.’ 

He used all his training to get dressed without making a sound so as to avoid waking up the younger man. He decided to leave a note, feeling a little guilty about just leaving without a trace especially since the other man treated him so well. He left the room and stopped to pay for the room at the front before getting a taxi back to the bar where he picked up his car.

As Steve walked in the house he was greeted by a dead silence and he knew that his mother wasn’t home; it wasn’t that the woman was loud but her presence was definitely felt so he didn’t even have to check but for the first time Steve didn’t really care. In fact, he was thankful that the woman wasn’t in, Steve could avoid being analyzed by the CIA agent pretending to be a mother. The guilt he always felt after thinking that way about his mother, for once, didn’t come. He went about checking the perimeter on autopilot before practically dragging himself to his room and crashing into his bed, he was out within seconds. 

A few hours later, Steve was woken up by the sun and complete, utter silence, ‘guess she didn’t come back.’ Steve groaned because he knew this meant he would have to go out and look for her. He felt the soreness in his ass and back a lot more now yet he couldn’t help but bite his lip as each ache reminded him of what caused it. Steve decided to shower before dealing with the mess his mother had no doubt caused, even with that thought, he was still in a good mood.

The cool water felt amazing on his warm skin even on his aching muscles. Steve had never been put so at ease after sex, he wondered if it was because he just liked being fucked, ‘or maybe it was the person.’ He was suddenly assaulted by memories of last nights, the gentle yet firm way the younger man grabbed him and moved him as if Steve was nothing but a beloved doll.

“Good doll,”

That strong almost growly voice whispering in his ear and suddenly he wasn’t alone, strong arms wrapped around him. Steve’s arms were held down by strong biceps keeping him tight together and close to a firm chest. Those hands moved to the front of his body and grabbed  his hard cock, “someone’s excited.” The young man chuckled deep and menacing in the best way, it was the chuckle that promised enough pleasure to drive Steve insane.

He gasped at the feel of those hands around him, “that’s not what I want to hear. Be a good doll and moan for me,” it was an order and like a good soldier, Steve was powerless as he followed it. One of those hands suddenly reached down and played with his balls as if he owned them, the younger man caressed and squeezed them, making Steve arch his body as much as the grip allowed. A thumb pushed in his slit almost too roughly, “come on love, don’t you want to be good for me.”  

“Yes,” Steve moaned unable to take the sweet torture. “I want to…I’ll be good.”

“Then cum for me,”

“Fuck! Evan!”

Steve came so hard that he had to lean on the wall to stop himself from falling down on his ass, even his ankles arched as the pleasure pushed him on his tip toes. He’s never had a orgasm that’s left him so weakened and out of sort, Steve wasn’t new to sex with a man or woman although he was new to getting fucked. 

“I’m not done with you yet, how about you show me where I can bury this,” he almost felt the big cock from last night rub between his cheeks. The idea of being slammed against the wall with the younger man behind him as set man marked his neck and grabbed his ass before ramming the thick cock inside, drove Steve so wild with pleasure it almost felt like too much.

Steve’s cock twitched, trying desperately to show its interest in that fantasy becoming a reality. He reached behind him and touched the ring of muscles and moaned, it was puffy, no doubt red but most of all, it was practically gaping but remembering the monster of a cock that the younger man had, Steve wasn’t too surprised. It still ached but he easily pushed a finger in; Steve expected to wince but instead he bit his lips as the sting and the stretch pleased him more than it should. 

‘Damn, maybe I really like being fucked more than I thought I would.’

The shower was definitely longer than his normal showers but he walked out of it with an even bigger smile so he wasn’t upset about it. Steve noticed the marks around his chest and thighs, he touched them softly. He thought that come the next day, he would regret them but he was almost proud of them like they were badges of honor that he earned. 

He had to shake his head to focus before he turned himself on again. The towel against his skin made him think about how well and gently the younger man took care of him even before and after they fucked. The towel that the blond used to clean Steve had been so warm, the way he spoke and even drank the water first without Steve asking or expressing his distrust. He smiled as he remembered the younger man massaging his legs, thanks to which they weren’t as sore as they should be.

He was patient and almost loving, Steve had never felt so cared for. It was almost as if he had done the younger man a great service and he had truly appreciated Steve for it. ‘And it was definitely not that because someone that looks like him would never need to beg anyone to fuck him or let him fuck them,’ he licked his lips thinking about the clear blue eyes, strong features, and charming smile.

In relationships, Steve was always the one that had to take care of his partners, either that or he would leave before they got to that point. Being taken care of was something that he thought he wouldn’t like or would make him feel weak or vulnerable, ‘like a bitch,’ a voice that sounded like one of the SEALs in his first team chimed in with a sneer. But Steve was surprised by how much it didn’t feel that way; in fact, he actually liked it. It also helped that Evan seemed to read him so perfectly that he almost seemed to know how far he could take things with Steve and what his boundaries were. 

‘Damn man, it was only one night. You’re talking like you’ve been lovers forever,’ a voice that sounded like Freddy scolded him making Steve realize how foolish he was being. He shook his head and decided to focus back on reality instead of a the fantasy that was never going to happen.

“Hey Cath,” Steve called Catherine, knowing that the woman would no doubt know where his mother was. 

“Steve,” there was so much guilt and trepidation in the woman’s voice which just made Steve sigh. It also made a small vindictive part of him feel less guilty about what he had done with Evan.    

“Where is she?”

“You have to understand, she just wanted to protect you and Mary,” Steve hated when Catherine advocated for his mother as if she was on the woman’s side more than his. He had wanted the two women to meet and get along but this seemed like too much.

“Catherine, I’m a decorated Navy SEAL Commander,” he grunted, unable to hide his annoyance. “I’m the last person, an ex-CIA agent that’s been out of the game for years, should worry about protecting.”

He knew it was harsh but he was still on a high from last night and he didn’t want his mother’s exploits to knock him down, at least not yet. ‘It’s definitely going to happen,’ he sighed knowing the pattern that had been set since he brought his mother back. Thinking about that made Steve’s guilt return because he was still technically with Catherine although the woman told him that she needed some time so he wasn’t sure if they truly were still together. Since then there has been a distance and awkwardness between them, introducing Catherine to his mother only added tension to the already ominous cocktail of emotions.

“That was harsh,” Catherine scolded.

“Maybe, but it was also true.”

“I’m a little disappointed, you have never been one of those arrogant SEALs that thought they were better than any and everyone.” Those words would’ve normally had him begging for forgiveness and bending over backwards to gain it but for some reason, this time he could just shrug them off.

“And I’m disappointed you would think that of me. Now please tell me where she is,” there was silence on the other line, he wasn’t sure if it was because she was shocked by his words or lost in thought. 

Eventually, Catherine sighed, “fine,” the woman grunted. Steve took his gun and badge and got ready to go run around after his mother to stop her from getting herself killed. 

‘It seems to be my new purpose in life,’ he huff in exasperation.

Danny was pleasantly surprised by Buck’s early arrival, ‘the kid actually got me.’ He called Chin Ho, letting him know that he had to take care of something. The man had at first worried that someone had gotten hurt but Danny promised that it was nothing like that. He was going to tell them about Buck but he wanted to keep the young man’s arrival to himself, at least for one day. ‘Have a nice family moment,’ he was looking forward to his kids meeting the bright and friendly man.

Arriving at the hotel to pick up Buck’s bag, Danny pursed his lips; he was not impressed with where his brother had been staying. Not only did the place look seedy but he had it on good authority that it was also dangerous, they had come there for a murder case that involved a few rooms being turned into a drug den. More than before, he wanted to get his little brother out of there and settled at home. If Buck became too uncomfortable he would even take up Steve’s offer and have the young man stay with his best friend. Despite his complaining about the man, Danny trusted Steve to protect and keep Buck out of the craziness that came with Doris McGarrett. 

They had no issues getting Buck packed -he hadn’t really unpacked- and checked out. Once they got in the car and Danny made his way home, he started making a list of all the things that he needed to get done. Almost everything was ready but there were a few things that he had planned to buy today since the younger man was supposed to come tomorrow. It was just some groceries and a few things for Buck. Danny already bought the toiletries he saw in Buck’s bathroom when he was visiting the younger man in L.A. He wanted to get some new sheets and towels, he had some at home but he learned that Buck had sensitive skin that easily chafed.

“There’s a reason for it but it’s not my story to tell, if you win his trust then he will tell you.”

He remembered what Maddie told him when he pointed out the fact that everything in the kid’s apartment was silky soft. Her words had impressed him and he gained a new found respect for her. Danny deduced that the skin sensitivity had something to do with Buck’s time in the SEALs or the reason he was honorably discharged. ‘Same as the slight hand tremors I saw,’ to the younger man’s credit this was hidden so well that it was only Danny’s experience as a detective that made him notice. Either way, he wasn’t going to ask but if Buck ever wanted to talk he would listen.

“Here we are, home sweet home.”

Danny smiled as he watched Buck look around like a kid that had walked into Disney for the first time. This was something that he had noticed about the younger man, something that he had only seen peeks of as Buck almost seem scared to show too much enthusiasm, ‘probably because those fucker dimmed his shine to make themselves brighter.’ He shook his head knowing that they were not his problem to deal with although if Buck wanted him to.

‘Definitely wouldn’t say no.’

“Come on, I’ll give you the grand tour.”

Danny took the young man around the house, showing him the set up in the dining room. He had pushed the table to one end, gotten some blackout curtains to cover the entrances and windows, he also got some portable drawers and a rack for the young man’s clothes. “I wasn’t sure what else you would need, we can go get them now that you’re here,” Danny explained, worried that Buck would feel uncomfortable in the space, he was ready to call Steve so the man would set up his extra room.

“Danny, this is amazing,” Buck was surprised by how far the older man went to accommodate him. If it wasn’t for its lack of doors the space would genuinely look like a bedroom. The dining table was pushed to one end and used as a desk with some baskets filled with products that looked very familiar.

“Grace insisted on getting welcome baskets,” Danny explained.

Buck almost cried, one basket had all the products he normally used like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, deodorant, aftershave and even hair products. “I might have snooped while I was at your place,” Danny added with some hesitation and it was the first time that Buck had heard the older man sound sheepish. The other basket seemed to have snacks, some were familiar and others he knew had to be Hawaiian.

“This is…” the basket had notes and drawings that could’ve only been made by a child.

WELCOME HOME, UNCLE BUCK!

“It’s too much, I don’t deserve…” Buck was trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

“Don’t you dare!” Danny cut him off. Buck didn't realize he was already crying until Danny grabbed his face and tenderly wiped his tears away. “You deserve this and more,” the older man declared in a firm tone, that said ‘there is only one right answer’ and Buck shouldn’t dare to disagree. “I hate to break it to you -actually, no, I don’t- but for the people that love you, nothing is ever too much. They would go to the ends of the earth and give you the stars if it would make you happy.”

These words made sense to Buck but at the same time they didn’t because he had never had that, the closest had been Maddie and even then she had also been dealing with her own trauma. ‘Damn it! I was doing so well,’ he berated himself but Danny seemed to have a talent for bringing out all that Buck tries to hide. The older man didn’t push or force Buck to agree instead he just hugged him as Buck cried at the words and the sweet gesture from people that hadn’t even met him. When he first met the 118 they had teased him or kept him at arms length; they treated him like some dumb kid even years in, he still felt like they only saw him as the dumb kid, just a more lovable dumb kid.

“Well, this time you’ll see how real family treats you and how it feels,” he must have said the last part out loud because Danny responded with an almost tense tone, as if he was trying to hold himself back.

After bringing Buck’s things inside, the two brothers sat down and just let themselves calm down. Danny distracted Buck talking about the task he needed to do, “since I was expecting you tomorrow,” Danny grunted and glared playfully, making Buck look at him sheepishly. Buck stopped saying that Danny didn’t have to do something after the third time he was scolded by the older man for not ‘letting me do what I want’ were the older blonde’s words.

“I have to go and pick up Grace and Charlie,” eventually Danny declared before reluctantly getting up. “They’re going to be so excited.”

“You mean you’ll let me meet them?!”  Buck exclaimed, making Danny look at him as if he had asked if Danny would allow him to eat.

“Of course you’ll meet them, they do live here 50% of the time.”

“I know, I just figure you wouldn’t…”

“It’s sad that I know what you’re going to say,” Danny shook his head with a sad sigh. “Don’t finish that sentence, I will keep proving to you what family is really like, until you become an utterly spoiled brat like all younger siblings are supposed to be.”

Buck remained silent, he wasn’t sure what to say and it seemed that Danny wasn’t expecting him to say anything. “Make yourself at home, if you want to shower or eat anything, go for it.” Buck waited until Danny was gone to lift his head, his eyes were glossy. The older man was so loving and considerate with Buck that it always made him feel like a fraud that didn’t deserve it.

‘Because I never deserved it before.’

Since Danny entered his life, things had felt lighter somehow, the darkness was still there but the older man was like a fan doing its best to keep it away. Buck wanted to do something for the man, to thank him for all he’s done. He checked the kitchen and found all the ingredients to make a lasagne. He had modified Bobby’s recipe and made it his own so he hoped the man and his children would like it.

‘I’m meeting my actual niece and nephew!’

Buck was half way through the preparations when he thought about the possibility that the children might not like lasagne or might be allergic to any of the ingredients he’s used. ‘Oh shit! Stupid Buck,’ he berated himself for once again making things about himself instead of thinking about what other people wanted. He couldn’t even throw it away because it would be wasting food that Danny spent his money on. 

“What the hell do I do now!?”

“I say it looks ready to go in the oven,” someone declared, making him jump in the air. His commander would be so ashamed of how laxed Buck has gotten with his training.

Chapter Text

Danny had been surprised when he walked into the house and smelled something cooking, something very delicious. “Danno, did you leave the oven on?” Grace asked with a disapproving tone that even he had to admit was all him. He didn’t tell them that Buck was here because he wanted to surprise them, that and Charlie took over most of the conversation talking about how everyone was impressed by his new cool firefighter uncle.

‘God, if Buck could’ve heard the kid brag and he hasn’t even met him yet, it would solve all the problems.’

“Of course I didn’t, monkey. Go put your things away,” he waved them away.

“Is uncle Steve here?”

“Maybe, go,” he ushered the excited boy away, ignoring the pout that he was just noticing looked a lot like the blond giant in his kitchen.

He was expecting to walk into a mess on the counters so that didn’t surprise him, what he wasn’t expecting was for the chef to also be a mess. Something clearly spooked Buck so Danny cut in before the man could spiral, he regretted that since it made the young blond almost drop the tray he was holding. ‘That would’ve been a shame,’ he thought because from what he could smell, that lasagna was going to be delicious.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to do something for you but I didn’t think that you might not like it or that you might be allergic, and the children!” Buck went into some rapid ranting that as the king of rants, impressed Danny or they would’ve if the words weren’t so self-deprecating.

“Grace grew up in New Jersey and while Charlie was born here, Italian is in his blood,” Danny declared. “Lasagna is practically one of their major food groups, plus they’re not allergic to anything that goes in lasagna, unless you’re doing some new age crap.”

“Even I know not to mess with perfection,” Buck said with a scoff and Danny was happy that they had averted a panic attack. “They’re very few that can get away with that and I am not one of them.”

“Good, because I would hate to have to disown you,” Danny made sure that it was clear to the blond that he was just joking. “Thank you by the way, I had no idea what I was going to make for dinner. Do you need any help?”

“If you want to make the garlic bread,” Buck pointed to where there was bread and garlic already set up.

The two brothers worked in silence, Danny noticed that Buck was a messy chef but he also partly cleaned as he went. This meant that the tall man moved around like an excited dog that couldn’t decide what to focus on. He wondered if Buck had some ADHD but he also noticed that while the younger man wasn’t very organized, he was focused. ‘It would have no doubt driven Steve insane, that control freak would have had an aneurysm just at the mess.’

“We’re having lasagna!” Charlie exclaimed, butchering the word in the adorable manner that only a young child could.

Both brothers turned at the same time and Grace was the first one to notice the other person in the room but once more her brother was the one to break the tension. “UNCLE BUCK!” The scream made everyone wince but Buck didn’t have much time to recover as a blur ran over to him and he had no other option than to drop what he was doing and catch the little boy.

“Hey, buddy,” he greeted the boy with a grin, although he was surprised by how friendly and affectionate the little boy was when they had just met. “How did you know it was me?”

“Danno showed him pictures,” Grace replied, moving over to him with a smile of her own. “But I thought you were coming in tomorrow?”

“He came in earlier, had been here for days,” Danny tattled, making Buck send him a playful glare. 

Danny wasn’t surprised by Charlie’s greeting and excitement at meeting Buck, the kid already thought the younger man was the coolest person in the world from all their calls. Every time Danny talked to Buck, Charlie insisted on talking to the man as well and if Danny called when Charlie wasn’t present then the little boy would become upset. What did surprise Danny was Grace moving over and hugging the tall man. The girl was reaching her pre-teens which meant she was too cool to show emotions, she was also more introverted than Charlie so she tended to be more reserved.

‘I guess it’s just the effect he has,’ it saddened Danny that Buck didn’t even notice how easily people were drawn to him. ‘He’s just been drawing in the wrong people.’

There was no awkward ‘nice to meet you’ kind of atmosphere or conversation because both Grace and Charlie had interacted a lot with Buck over the phone and video calls, in Grace’s case. Buck had been too scared to let others see him but the girl had arrived early from school one day when Danny was having their video calls.

“Buck made us lasagna,” Danny declared making the children cheer, he turned to Buck with a ‘see, what’d I tell you’ look.

Dinner was an exciting affair that they had while sitting on the kitchen island which Buck almost apologized for but a stern look from Danny stopped him. There were a lot of praises for Buck’s lasagna that made the young blond man blush. “This is better than Danno’s and Grandma’s,” Grace had declared and Danny didn’t even deny it while Charlie made a mess that looked like a murder scene.

Buck was so happy, he had cooked for other people but this was the first time that he was actually complimented for his cooking. Before, his friends would joke and tease him but none ever told him that they liked it or that it was good. Although Bobby used to praise him when the older man first started teaching him, it was probably the reason Buck was always so eager to have the older man taste his work. Christopher was the only other person that ate his food with gusto, the little boy was very vocal about whatever Buck cooked for him. It wasn’t that Buck was conceited and wanted compliments, it was just that he enjoyed cooking and making food for the people he loved so he wanted to always make sure that they liked what he made and were happy. 

“Always so eager to please,”  

He thinks about the words his CO always said whenever he saw Buck going above and beyond to help someone. At the time, Buck had laughed sheepishly and apologized, although it never stopped him from doing it again. He was brought out of his thoughts as Grace called for his attention and he realized that he had missed them talking to him.

“Gracie, Buck is probably tired; he doesn’t want to go out…” Danny tried to intervene as he noticed how distracted Buck seemed.

“What, no! I mean I would love to,” Buck exclaimed, unsure of what he was agreeing to but happy for it anyways; from Danny’s raised eyebrow, Buck can tell that the older man noticed this.

“Great! You’ll love this beach,” the little girl declared.

“Yay! The beach,” Charlie added, making Buck chuckle and distracting him from what Grace had said. “You’re going to love it, Uncle Buck,” the kid proceeded to rant about what to do and what Buck would like.

“I can’t wait.”

Buck should’ve paid more attention or at least asked for clarification because now he felt his heart drop as they got closer to their destination. Before that, Buck woke up early and decided to make some pancakes for his new family. He had been up most of the night, not because of the bed which was pretty comfortable but he was just overwhelmed by the reception he received. He wasn’t used to people accepting him so happily, at least not without teasing or scolding him.

He kept waiting for Danny to storm into his makeshift bedroom and kick him out or scold him for using his food, making a mess or taking liberties. He barely got four hours of sleep, after a while he got tired of laying down so he got up and decided to do something useful. Cooking always helped him calm down, it was at first a way to bond with Bobby, the older man that he had grown to see as the father he never had. 

As hurt as Buck was by Bobby’s betrayal and his behavior, he would always be thankful to the older man for teaching him and sharing his passion with Buck because cooking had become a great stress relief for him and something he had grown to enjoy doing even without the older man. Most of all, he enjoys cooking for the people he loves and watching them enjoy his meals although back home he was mostly teased or his food was criticized.

“Not as good as Bobby,”

“Meh, it’s okay.”

“If you offer to cook for someone, you don’t fish for compliments.”

“Oh Bobby’s baby duckling is growing up.”

“A puppy that can cook!” 

Thinking about the words from his friends and family back home, made his experience with Danny and his kids last night more jarring. He wasn’t allowed to do the dishes when before no one offered or stopped him from doing dishes. Instead, Grace and Charlie pulled him to the living and begged him to watch a movie with them. It was nice and it reminded him of movie nights with Eddie and Christopher. It was too good to be true and he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Did we order catering? Are we having a party?” Buck turned around to see his brother walk into the kitchen looking around at the spread that Buck set up. He had made regular pancakes but had cut up a few sides not knowing what the kids would like.

“I wasn’t sure what Grace and Charlie or you liked on the pancakes so,” Buck scratched the back of his head with an awkward smile.

“Buck,” the older man sighed softly and Buck waited for the scolding that always came after that tone. “You don’t have to do anything to earn our affections because trust me, it’s freely given.”

That was not what Buck expected to hear; it made him speechless and his eyes glossy. Fortunately, Grace walked in and served as the distraction Buck needed to get himself together. “Wow,” the pre-teen declared, staring at the spread with wide eyes. “I didn’t know we were going to have pancakes?!” 

“Yea, Uncle Buck decided to make pancakes,” Danny smiled at his daughter. “He will also deal with the sugar high,” Buck looked sheepish but accepted the responsibility.

After Buck was tackled by a tiny blond blur that was too energetic for the time of day, the family sat down to eat breakfast. Then Buck was rushed out the door by very excited kids, he had no idea where they were going but their excitement was contagious. “Danny, don’t you have to work?” He was surprised that his older brother got in the car with them. Buck figured that since the man was a cop, he wouldn’t really get weekends off.

“Nah, if we don’t have an active case, we’re usually just on call.”

The car ride was filled with Charlie’s excited rambling and Buck sharing random facts that the kids found fascinating. In hindsight, Buck would have noticed where they were going if he had been more observant. As Danny parked at the beach, Buck felt an overwhelming dread overcome. The bright blue water made his breath get stuck in his throat and brought up sounds that did not belong to the day, place and time he was in. 

“This is the kids’ favorite beach,” Danny explained. “I’m not a beach guy, but this one isn’t so bad,” the older man admitted begrudgingly.

Buck chuckled and prayed that it didn’t come off as too awkward or forced. ‘Damn it! Of course, it’s a beach; this is fucking Hawaii.”

“Uncle Buck,” Charlie exclaimed, “you’re going to love it.”

“I’m sure,” he said softly.

“Can you swim, Uncle Buck?” Grace asked softly, she seemed to assume his hesitation was due to his lack of swimming skills.

“Of course!” 

‘Swimming isn’t the problem,’ he thought with a mental grimace. ‘Stop being so sensitive Buck! These people have been nothing but amazing and welcoming; if they want to swim in exchange for welcoming you in, then you will swim.’

Buck hyped himself up, he knew that he should be over the tsunami, ‘I was a Navy SEAL! I’ve dealt with much worse.’ But you don’t remember most of it , a little voice reminded him which he ignored. Despite all that, every time he was near the ocean all he could hear was Christopher desperately calling for him or the sound of the little boy falling into the water and disappearing. He felt tiny hands grab his and looked to see that Charlie had grabbed one of his hands while Grace grabbed the other.

‘I can do this, for them,’ Buck smiled.

He let himself be led, chuckling slightly as Danny grumbled about being chopped liver and his children being traitors, “trading me in for a younger model so easily.” Buck saw as Grace stuck out her tongue at her father while Charlie giggled as if it was the funniest thing in the world. It lightened his mood; fortunately, the beach was also not too crowded, ‘less people to save when a tsunami hits.’

Unfortunately for him, the kids wanted to sit close to the water and this was where Buck’s issues really began. He was barely able to hide his trembling but not so much his reaction to every wave that hit. “Come on Uncle Buck, I’ll show you how good I swim,” Charlie pulled at him and Buck froze.

“Charlie, how about we do a sandcastle first,” Grace suddenly suggested and Buck wanted to hug the little girl because he was barely holding it together, swimming would definitely push him over the edge.

Danny was disappointed and angry with himself, he prided himself on being observant but it took him an embarrassingly long time and some help from Grace to notice that Buck was not okay. First, Grace never turned down swimming, he always complained about how Steve infected his sweet little girl with his ocean obsession but Grace really loved to be in the water. Still, he was just happy that his kids took to Buck so well and so quickly, Charlie practically hero worshiped the man and Grace practically seemed to adopt him like he was a puppy she found in the rain.

“Danno, can we take Buck to the pineapple plantation now?” Grace suddenly asked.

“Right now but we just got here,” Danny was confused, Grace had never been a spoiled brat that threw tantrums so it was strange when she pouted at his words. He was about to scold her until he noticed her eyes shift to Buck and Danny turned to see the moment Buck flinched at the sound of a loud wave.

‘What was…?’ It suddenly hit him and Danny berated himself for being so careless. ‘He had been in a tsunami, of course he wouldn’t be too happy to go to the beach.’

His daughter noticed Buck being uncomfortable and Danny was so proud that she tried to help him without drawing attention to his discomfort. “You know what, that’s a good idea,” Danny declared getting up and starting to pick up their stuff. Charlie pouted at him about to no doubt complain but Grace whispered something in his ears and the little boy got up.

“We don’t need…” Buck tried to say but cut himself off as a child ran by them and jumped in the water. Danny could see that it was taking a lot for Buck not to run over and ‘save’ the kid. 

“The beach is about to get crowded, it wasn’t a good idea to come on the weekend.”

“Yea, we don’t need to go to the beach to have fun together,” Grace declared and Buck suddenly realized what the Williams were doing.

“It’s okay, Uncle Buck,” Charlie grabbed his hand, “I’m scared of the dark. It’s okay to be scared,” the little boy reassured.

“He never feels sorry for himself.”

“Buck, there were people who had it much worse.”

“You’re still not over that?”

Buck was surprised yet confused, he was used to getting other reactions from the people in his life. It was the reason that he never talked about the tsunami or what happened besides apologizing to Eddie for losing Christopher. It was so strange and jarring yet he couldn’t help but want more. This was the kind of family that he had always wanted, the family he had been desperately searching for his whole life, the family he thought the 118 could be.

‘But they weren’t,’ he thought bitterly because he could be naive but even he wasn’t that delusional.

“Hey Danny,” the older man turned to him with a curious look. “I’ll talk to them,” Buck declared, these words just seem to confuse Danny. “One phone call,” the older man finally put it together and his eyes widened.

“Are you sure?”

“Yea,” and Buck was surprised that he was because if Danny’s parents were anything like him, it would be worth it.

Monday came too soon for everyone, whatever Doris had been involved with finally hit the fan which meant she called crying to her son who dropped everything and rushed to clean up her mess, leaving Danny in charge. The short blond was not happy but he would never leave Steve hanging so he accepted the responsibility with minimal ranting, in his opinion. Danny had actually been looking forward to introducing his little brother to his best friend so he was disappointed but he didn’t say that.

Contrary to popular belief, Danny was actually looking forward to Buck meeting Steve because he felt that the older man could be a good influence on the younger blond. Despite his craziness, Steve was fairly well adjusted, ‘for a Navy SEA.’ Danny knew that all soldiers who went into combat saw or had to do some messed up shit and most didn’t come back in one piece from it or even find their bearings. Steve had managed not only to find his bearings but to deviate that pent up energy and use his training to do something productive that he excelled at, using his trauma to fuel his success and save lives. 

‘Kind of like Buck,’ Danny thought with a smile before it wilted slightly. The older man had noticed that Buck was more insecure and part of him hoped that Steve’s confidence would rub off on the younger man.

‘Although he might be a bad influence, I think the good might outweigh the bad,’ Danny thought, almost crossing his fingers. ‘But Steve had to ruin that by falling for his psychotic mother’s manipulation.’

Still, Danny was looking forward to introducing the rest of the team to Buck but unfortunately they got a case so things were too busy. He had just mentioned that Buck had surprised him with an early arrival and everyone expressed their happiness for him and their excitement to meet the younger blond man when they were done with the case. Danny did feel bad about leaving Buck basically on his own when he was here to spend time together. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t think I’ll get bored,” but Buck just waved it away. “I mean, I’m in Hawaii after all.”

Danny still felt guilty but his daughter just made him unbelievably proud by taking it upon herself to hang out with Buck after school, Will also joined her and immediately fell under the spell of Buck’s charm, something that Lou wasn’t too happy about. “So my son keeps talking about the amazing Buck, who is apparently the pinnacle of human perfection,” the man snarked, sending Danny a suspicious look as if this was all a ploy by him.

“I knew the kid was a great judge of character,” Danny simply shrugged before focusing back on the crime scene.

“Great judge of character, my ass,” he heard Lou grumble the way that only he does.

Apparently winning over children was Buck’s superpower because Samantha, Lou’s teenage daughter, also met the older man before the adults and she was also enamored by the tall blond, something  Lou grumbled about even more. Danny let him, although he put his foot down when the tall man began to declare that Buck might have unsavory thoughts towards his ‘little’ girl. It was the closest that Lou and Danny ever came to getting into a real and genuine fight which Chin Ho and Kono intervened in.

After that they changed partners with Danny going with Kono and Chin Ho sticking with the taller man. Danny did get a twisted satisfaction after Renee also met Buck and was just as enamored with the tall blond. “I can’t believe you would think that,” the woman scolded her husband when she came to drop him off some lunch and hear about his worries, although the visit was just an excuse to rave about Buck.

‘I might have fueled the fire,’ Danny shrugged as Lou glared at him for exposing him.

“Honey, he’s a grown man that I don’t know, hanging around our children.”

“Maybe but he’s someone Danny knows,” the woman declared with pursed lips. “For you to think, let alone say that, is a declaration that you assume Danny would bring someone dangerous around Grace and Charlie, and Louis Grover, I know you don’t think that.”

“I mean have you met Steve,” Lou mumbled like a little boy still not ready to concede but realizing they were wrong.

Renee managed to calm tempers between her husband and Danny but also calm her husband’s overprotectiveness by talking about Buck. Hearing the woman, Danny wished that Buck would see how positively others saw him and how easily they were charmed by him. Everyone that the younger blond met had only good things to say or was completely enamored. ‘At least if they were decent human beings.’

And although there were a small portion of people that didn’t seem to like him, children all liked him and animals loved him, ‘those are the best judge of character.’ In Danny’s opinion, it says a lot about Buck that he always effortlessly wins over the purest and most innocent souls. He wanted his team to adore his little brother like all others did, for them to join the Buck appreciation and protection clubs.

“They’re different, Danno.”

Danny chuckled as he remembered his daughter’s words a few days ago when he dropped her off at her mother’s. Even Rachel had met the younger blond and had fallen for his charms, although Danny noticed that the feeling wasn’t quite as mutual. It was the first time that he had seen Buck not being overly friendly with someone, instead he showed an almost cold and detached charm. He was still nice to the woman and for others it was hardly noticeable but Danny noticed the difference. When Danny asked, the younger blond just shrugged but it was clear that Buck and Rachel would not be best friends.

The following Monday, they got some rest as the case began to wind down so Danny decided to bring Buck to the office. When he told the younger man on Sunday, he immediately insisted on making something. Danny was still not sure how the younger man made so many things last minute but they practically had enough desserts to open a bakery. He made a Guava cake, Haupia which were coconut pudding, Ono butter mochi, and he almost made Malasadas but Danny had to put his foot down.

“Kid, we’re only meeting the team, not opening a bakery.”

“I know, I just want them to like me,” Buck refused to meet Danny’s eyes but the older man grabbed his face and forced him to.

“They’ll love you and that’s before they see all this.”

“I know it’s needy and…”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Danny scolded with a glare that wasn’t really directed at Buck. “It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted. There is nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you otherwise, you sent them to me.”

The words made Buck chuckle and Danny took it as a win although he was being completely serious. For once, Danny got to drive his car despite having a Navy SEAL in it which he made sure to text Steve about. His best friend didn’t really reply and Danny wasn’t expecting him to although it made him sighed. Steve had been through so much and if there was anyone that deserved to enjoy civilian life, besides Buck, it was him but with the mother and girlfriend that he had, it would be hard for that to happen.

“Everything okay?” Buck asked and Danny realized that he had been scoffing out loud.

“Nothing, just my exasperating best friend.”

“Danny, you know you love him,” Buck declared with a grin. He enjoyed the dynamic Danny had with his best friend and he was looking forward to seeing it first hand. Buck was still convinced that his older brother and his best friend were in love and just haven’t realized it yet.

“Unfortunately, that is my cross to bear.”

With the bakery that Buck prepared, Danny decided they didn’t need to stop for malasadas or coffee, something that Buck also prepared for them. Danny had to stop him from making a cup for everyone in the office, “we have a coffee machine in the office.”

As the car parked in the Iolani palace parking lot, Buck felt even more nervous. It took him a while to get out of the car, a worried Danny had to tap on the window. “You don’t have to go in and meet them if you don’t feel ready,” Danny declared as Buck walked out of the car, he even offered his keys so that Buck would go back home or drive around enjoying the sights. 

“Nah, just a little nervous,” Buck tried to wave his concern away with a smile.

It was clear that Danny didn’t completely believe him but he let it go. They walked into the building and Buck was briefly distracted by the architecture of the palace. He was so distracted that he didn’t notice that they had arrived until the elevator ding and Danny ushered him out. The office didn’t match the rest of the building yet it was everything Buck expected and assumed a detective or higher end police station would look like. 

The individual offices had very much an old black and white detective movie feel, ‘with the shade and everything.’ Buck only knows this because while they were on the road, many of the motels had limited channels and one of them only played old time movies. He was amazed by the massive screen and the interactive table, ‘how high is their budget?!’ As a firefighter, they had always been one of the little guys that was the first to suffer any time there were budget cuts.

He had never been part of the elite that got an unlimited budget because the higher ups valued him or were trying to appease him. ‘I was never one of the cool kids,’ he never got cool toys which sucked especially as a firefighter putting his life on the line. Buck shook his head, he knew that it was never the ‘cool kids’ fault, ‘they were just better at playing the game.’

“So, this is the famous Buck,” a voice snapped him out of his thoughts and Buck turned to see a tall, slim young woman that looked more like a model than a police officer, smiling at him and Danny. There was a glint in the woman’s eyes and a twist in her smile that made Buck think that she was on friendly terms with chaos.

Kono had been excited to meet Danny’s new little brother and while she had seen his photo, meeting the tall blond that looked like a one man army but felt like those big dogs that thought they were lap dogs, was an entirely different experience. His blue eyes reminded her of Danny although there was a softness to the younger blonde’s eyes whereas Danny’s were more hard and stern. There was a glint that made the tall man feel like a kindred spirit and she wondered if he surfs. ‘He has the whole surf boy look,’ she thought, unable to deny that the tall man was blessed in the looks department.

“Oh so he does exist,” Lou declared with a ‘father meeting his daughter’s boyfriend for the first time’ tone, walking over to the two blondes that stood in the middle of the room.

He studied the younger blond and if he would base his judgment on appearances, Buck would clearly be the boy he would warn his daughter against even befriending, let alone dating. He had the looks of those dumb jocks that thought with their dicks and were too entitled and spoiled to care about anyone except themselves. But Lou trusted his wife’s judgement, he also promised his kids not to be mean to the younger man.

‘Why would a grown man need their protection,’ he thought that the younger man was probably a massive man-child but now looking at him, Lou kind of understood their protectiveness. The younger man’s body language was nervous and screamed abused victim, his eyes were glossy with eagerness to please and screamed ‘please like me’.

“Everyone, this is my little brother, Buck,” Danny finally introduced once Chin Ho arrived.

“Little?” Lou raised his eyebrow, looking between the two blondes' clear height difference, only to get a glare from Danny.

“Buck, this is my team,” Danny continued, ignoring the man’s clear jab. “Kono, our resident badass,”

“Great to finally meet you,” Kono stepped forward with a smile. “I heard you might have done some cool rescues,” the woman was playful about admitting that they looked into him.

“A few but it was all a team effort,” Buck said shyly.

“Not going to happen,” Danny stepped forward, seeing the glint in Kono’s eyes. “This is Chin Ho and he’s the calm to our storm.”

“Thanks brotha,” Chin Ho smiled at Danny before turning to Buck. “It’s great to meet you. Don’t worry, we haven’t looked into you too much, Danny’s just been bragging about you.”

This made Buck blush and everyone chuckled as Danny, instead of denying, defended himself. “I have every right to brag; when you have an amazing brother, you are allowed to brag. It’s almost required,” Buck blushed even more, hiding his face in his hands. 

“I do agree with you,” Kono's words just made his embarrassment worse. “If my brother was seemingly the gods favorite when it comes to looks, I would also brag.”

Lou expected the young blond to puff up and peacock, he wasn’t expecting the hunched shoulders and the brief glint that told him that Buck didn’t believe Kono’s words. Lou turned to Danny and he could see that the shorter blond noticed as well and was aware of the clear issues the younger man had. “I will admit you definitely got all the height genes in the family,” Lou stepped forward to the younger man who he surprisingly didn’t have to look down at as much as the others.

“Last and certainly least, Lou Grover,” Danny snarked.

“Oh Williams, we both know I’m your favorite,” Lou teased, making the short blond pursed his lips.

“Wait, Grover?” Buck asked, looking at Lou with surprise.

“Yes, he’s the father of Samantha and William,” Danny confirmed. “And we still haven’t figured out why but also the husband of Renee.”

“Again, all I hear is love,” Lou declared with a grin, making Danny roll his eyes. “It’s good to finally meet you, kid. My family has been talking about nothing but the amazing Buck,” again Buck blushed and Lou understood the younger man’s appeal more and more.

“Is Steve coming in today?” Kono wondered and Danny just shook his head, the disappointment was clear in his eyes.

“Do I smell something sweet and…coconut,” Chin Ho changed the subject, knowing how touchy the McGarrett family drama was for Danny.

“Oh yea, I brought some treats,” Buck declared softly, almost shyly.

“He brought a whole bakery,” Danny interjected, once again making Buck blush. “Kid, was baking late into the night,” the ‘so you better eat it all and like it’ was left unsaid but so clear that he didn't need to say it.

“Wow, are those Haupia?” Chin Ho was surprised to see actual Hawaiian desserts instead of cookies or muffins.

“Yea, I did some search,” Buck declared with a smile. “I promised I looked at Hawaiian recipes and followed them detail by detail but if I got them wrong, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t meant to be offensive or appropriating…” 

“Buck, Buck, Buck!” Danny had to call the younger man a couple of times to snap him out of his rant. “No one is thinking that.”

“Yea, this all looks delicious. Hell, some of it looks better than you would find in some bakeries,” Kono declared with bright eyes as she stared at the treats that were making her mouth watered.

“We might have to keep you forever,” Chin Ho agreed.

“Especially if you continue to bring us treats,” Lou added.

Danny could see the moment that his team all decided to adopt Buck like he was some abused puppy they found on the street. He couldn’t be prouder of his team, this was what he was hoping when he decided to bring Buck over. Danny wanted Buck to see that not everyone would see him and judge him for what he seems to be. Then when they actually tried the desserts, Danny was sure that only 10% of their enthusiasm was because Buck was his brother while the rest was because they realized that Buck was genuinely amazing and just too sweet for words.

Chapter Text

Steve had no time to feel guilty about his night with Evan because his mother immediately got into a mess that she called him to help her fix. ‘It’s funny how she doesn’t even think about me when she’s plotting and scheming but when it explodes in her face and she needs help cleaning up, suddenly she remembers me and what I can do or offer.’ Even worse for him was that he was noticing how alike Catherine and his mother were. He wondered if some Oedipus part of his brain only liked the woman because she reminded him of the mother he had thought he lost.

The mere thought made him sick but also made him less guilty about his night with the tall blond, a night he still couldn’t get out of his mind. Steve almost felt the phantom caress of the younger man’s skilled yet tender hands. He noticed that they trembled slightly but he was sure that was the pleasure of it all. 

Steve still woke up almost every night with a hard on so bad he couldn’t ignore it, no cold shower calmed it down. He wasn’t sure what was happening to him, no partner had ever gotten so deep and so quickly under his skin. He’s kind of sad that he left like he did and didn’t get the blonde’s number but then his brain finally pushes his libido away and takes over. ‘Stop it! What is wrong with you?! You have an amazing girlfriend whom you hope to marry.’ 

Steve tried to remind himself but his libido helpfully provided memories of the last time he and Catherine were together which had been just after Billy died and before the woman told him she was leaving because she needed time. At that moment, they had kind of broken up; the words weren’t said outright but they did, and although Steve had promised to wait for her, Catherine had called him a few months later and told him not to put his life on hold for her. Before that their conversations had started to get less and less frequent so he kind of knew that it was coming. There is also the fact that they are away from each other for too long, Catherine always called him to end their ‘relationship’ that gets rekindled when they're physically back in the same place.

“Babe, maybe you should move on. I like Catherine but you two are constantly in different stages of life. It feels like you never want the same thing, at least not at the same time.” Steve remembered Danny’s words and while he believed his best friend when he said that he liked Catherine, he knew that at some point Danny stopped really liking them together. “I mean you are literally never on the same page, isn’t that some sort of sign?!” 

He had waved away Danny’s concern since that was the short man’s default setting but even Steve was beginning to have doubts. He still loved Catherine and he thought that they could be so good together but Danny was right, now more than ever, they wanted different things. It was like she was walking one way and he was walking in the opposite direction. He wants to settle down and she is just starting exploring her professional possibilities, enjoying her freedom and exploring her world. 

‘It’s like an adult dating a college student,’ he was exhausted just thinking about it.  

“One of us has to give,” he thought out loud but he was unwilling to return to the military full time, he liked his work with Five-0, he enjoyed having an actual home, being able to have routine but most of all he had a family and he knew would miss them. Before he could do the Navy SEAL thing because he was leaving no one behind, he had no one to be sad about not coming back to.

‘I will especially miss a certain short blond grump,’ he smiled thinking of his best friend who despite not being too happy with his choices still had his back, ‘I don’t want to say ‘no questions asked’ because he asks a lot of questions so it was more like no hesitation.’

“Steve, you need to focus. This isn’t like the Five-0 missions that you go on,” his mother’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he almost rolled his eyes. He didn’t like how patronizing she sounded when mentioning the Five-0 missions but he didn’t point it out because he wasn’t in the mood to argue.

“Mom, I think you keep forgetting that I’m a highly trained Navy SEAL,” he turned to the woman with his blank ‘SEAL on a mission’ face, he was truly tired of repeating himself. “I can do this in my sleep.”

It wasn’t arrogance, it was facts, what his mother had gotten into, while a mess, was nothing compared to some of the things that Steve has had to do. Even the newest SEAL recruits, fresh out of training, could do this. They were in the mainland infiltrating a company who had incriminating information on Doris and one of her missions. The woman had gone to the CIA to get help but since she wasn’t an active agent and the information wouldn’t affect them, they were just going to use her as a scapegoat.

‘And this was the organization she was so loyal to, the organization she chose over her family.’ She had tried to get the information herself, ‘well, not alone.’ Steve turned to Catherine who was behind them, the woman had practically become Doris’ apprentice on all things espionage and she didn’t even bother to hide it.

Anyways, when her plan didn’t work, his mother called him and begged for help. She claimed that these people were blackmailing her and she needed what they had in order to fully be out. Steve wasn’t born yesterday; one, he had already been aware of the situation and two, he had immediately called Sara to get the truth which the woman happily complied. “For a ‘badass’ CIA agent, your mother has fucked up a lot,” the woman had even snarked, seeming unimpressed with Doris’ history. “I mean some of these mistakes are almost amateur and I’m not even an agent. No wonder she’s no longer in, although why they would want her back in baffles me.”  

That was how Steve  found out that the CIA was interested and had offered his mom her old job back, a job that she was actually considering taking. Hearing that from someone other than his mother frustrated him, ‘I should’ve listened to Mary.’ Steve thinks about his sister and how distant and almost cold the younger woman had been to their mother.

“I don’t trust her and I’m not interested in hearing any excuse she has for why she stayed away, because while I could understand faking her death, I can’t understand staying away. It wasn’t like all this time she was working on getting rid of the threat, she was just hiding while dad and Aunt Deb had to deal with everything that she should have been here for.”

“Mare, that’s not fair,” 

“Dad even died trying to do what she should’ve been doing for years, if she had done that, then he would’ve still been here and we might…”

At the time, he tried to scold his little sister but she broke down crying and he could do nothing but comfort her. After, Mary refused to change her mind no matter what he said or what their mother tried to win her over. Steve has been stuck in the middle, always leaning towards his mother’s side, but recently things were changing as the rose colored glasses cracked and he was beginning to see his mother for who she truly was. 

“Some people were just never meant to be parents,” Steve thinks about the words Danny said during a child abuse case.

‘I wish I was back home,’ Steve sighed, already tired of living as an extra in the Doris McGarrett show.

A few days later

Buck was enjoying his time in Hawaii, on the weekends he always went out and did touristy things with Danny and the children. There has been a silent agreement that they would keep away from the beach. They did go to some beautiful lakes and he had no problem with them and even happily played in them with Grace and Charlie. In fact, Danny was more grumpy about being on the water than Buck was. “I don’t know why everyone’s obsessed with water here,” the shorter blond channeled his inner grumpy old man and ranted while the kids and Buck mainly laughed affectionately.

During the week, he explored on his own; Buck was also secretly working on his fear of the beach, getting closer and closer each day, although he hasn’t been making it far but he doesn’t want to cause any inconvenience on Danny and his family. Buck also spent time with the kids or visited Danny and his team in the office. He found them to be an interesting bunch that, unlike the 118, didn’t seem to go together. They were so different with strong personalities that should never get one and while they clash, somehow they got on so well and even respect each other. 

“If you truly accept and care about someone, those differences shouldn’t affect the relationship, although it makes it interesting.”  

Chin Ho had explained one day, seeming to read his mind without Buck voicing his thoughts. When he first met the man he had compared him to Hen or even Bobby but he realized that he had been wrong. Hen often lost her patience or got annoyed, ‘especially with me,’ kind of like a big sister that was too close in age with her younger sibling. Same with Bobby, he thinks about how much the older man seemed to have hated him those first few months he joined the 118. Chin Ho was all calm and acceptance, he never seemed to be affected by anything or ruffled by the chaos of the rest of the team.

The man had an energy that put Buck at ease and this might have made him overshared a little too much with him but the older man never seemed to mind. He listened with a gentle look and patient smile, he never questioned or judged. Buck was always embarrassed each time but the man never spoke about it to anyone, not even Danny. He was sure it was some sort of superpower because he found himself revealing to the man about what he had been about to do when Danny first called him all those months ago.

“If you ever feel like things get too much, my door is always open and my ear is always ready. I also know that Danny is a better listener than he seems,” the older man simply said, there was a teasing glint at his last words.  He didn’t make a big deal about his confession and Buck was grateful for it.

“Thank you,” he gave a teary smile. It was the first time that he didn’t feel needy or selfish or exhausting after talking to a friend, even Maddie, sometimes made him feel like he was too much to deal with.

Buck was still a little scared of Lou, the tall man was an imposing figure that constantly gave a stern ‘what are your intentions with my daughter’ glare that made Buck nervous. He was never good with fathers as they always assumed he was the dumb jock only interested in one thing and that was the few that he actually got to meet. The people he ‘dated’ never let him get to the ‘meeting the parents’ stage, ‘I was never worthy of anything serious.’

He kept out of the older man’s way because he didn’t want to annoy him or cause a fight between him and Danny. The two older men were both curmudgeons that constantly argued or complained about most things, ‘specially pizza’ so they were easily set off. Danny was also extremely protective over his family which now included Buck and any comment would have the shorter man sounding the alarms and going into battle. Still, despite looking like he hated everything and everyone, the older man that was taller than Buck was actually nice and friendly to him. He often used Buck to tease Danny, trying to ‘steal’ him as a little brother. 

“Mines suck so I could use a new one.”

“Then go out and find one,” Danny would always snark with a glare. “This one is taken.” Turns out that the shorter blond was also a little possessive but Buck doesn’t mind because it always makes him feel wanted.

‘That’s probably messed up.’

The person he got on the best with was Kono, despite a hurdle of the woman trying to get him to surf and him panicking slightly, they bonded over their love of the extreme and adrenaline. He shared stories about some of his rescues and she shared some of the things she has to do in some cases. “A microwave?” The woman had a hard time believing some of them, even so her skepticism wasn’t as harsh as he expected it to be.

“I mean it was some social media prank they were playing for views, it was stupid,” Buck explained remembering how horrible the two fake friends had been.

“They sound like horrible human beings, who convinces a ‘friend’ to risk their lives for likes.”

“You would be surprised,” Buck thinks about how many social media trends gone wrong they had been called to.

“How many times have you appeared on social media saving someone?” the woman asked, Buck was happy by how genuinely interested the woman was in all his stories. She never looked bored or annoyed which he was amazed by.

‘Either I’ve been around the wrong people or she’s really good at hiding her emotions.’

“That I know of? I think just a few but unknowingly hard to tell, we aren’t really paying attention to that while we’re trying to help someone. I did appear in some girl’s live feed because she found a botfly in her cheek and panicked with the live still on so we had to turn it off.”

“Bruh, the life firefighters lead is insane. I thought we had seen some shit but you guys…”

(AN: Kono and Buck were born in the same year so I’m making them the same age.)

Danny had noticed the new friendship blooming between Kono and Buck, and he completely approved of it. He felt that Kono’s confidence and bold personality could rub off on Buck so that the younger blond would let go a little more. He was surprised by how much the two had in common, he was sure that if it hadn’t been for the tsunami the two would’ve been insufferable surfing buddies. 

He hoped that the woman helped his little brother loosen up and feel more comfortable in himself, which seemed to be working as he often heard Buck’s full laugh without the younger man trying to hide it or soften it. When the younger blond came into the office he often stayed in Kono’s office, spending the time as they talked with seemingly great excitement. Danny couldn’t make himself be jealous when he saw the smile or heard the laughter. But still Lou and Chin Ho teased him about it which he takes begrudgingly because he didn’t want Buck to feel like he was causing trouble or Danny was angry about anything he was doing.

They all hadn’t counted on another side effect of the friendship between the two, apparently adrenaline junkie younger people, one of which was a massive trouble magnet. This was revealed when Buck and Kono planned a skydiving trip for the weekend which wasn’t too bad until they talked about how long they could truly hold off pulling their shoots before it became dangerous. This suddenly made their friendship ominous and the team began to wonder if they had messed up.

“We should try it, see if it’s possible,” Kono was usually the instigator but Buck was never far behind.

“I mean we would have to tweak it a little but it should work.”

Fortunately, before Danny could get an aneurysm, they got a big case which meant Buck couldn’t really visit as they weren’t really in the office much. Even better, Steve had finally returned but was pulled into meetings with an unhappy governor. Danny did enjoy his best friend’s misery a little too much but that was the taller man’s fault for getting up and leaving like he had no job. He told Steve as such when he finally talked to the man. 

“That’s good for you,” he snarked like any good friend. “Dogs should only listen to their owners, not to everyone that says ‘come’.”

“Danny,” Steve just groaned, used to his friend’s blunt and often harsh commentary. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to meet your new little brother.”

“It was your loss,” Danny declared with an almost haughty attitude, nose turned up and everything. But to the short blonde’s credit, for once, it didn’t seem like it was his exaggeration since the rest of the team also couldn’t stop bragging about the younger man.

“He’s cool, a little wholesome,” the ‘to be Danny’s little brother’ was left unsaid but Steve heard it in Chin Ho’s expression.

“Bruh, is crazy,” Kono exclaimed with a wide grin that, ironically, had a glint of madness in it. “We’re going to test a few things out.”

“No the hell you’re not,” Danny declared, every bit the stern dad they had all grown to know him as, inside and outside of work.

“Aw, come on, Danny,” Kono pleaded but Danny remained firm, if he didn’t fold before Grace and Charlie’s puppy eyes then Kono had no chance.

“No, you’re both danger magnets and he has the worst luck when it comes to injuries,” at those words everyone seemed to almost nod in agreement although Kono still pouted.

“I will admit that the kid is decent,” Lou added, “polite, smart, good head on his shoulders, calm and even respectful, kind of makes me wonder if he’s really related to Danny,” the tall man said in a pensive tone but with glint in his eyes that told them, he knew exactly what he was doing.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” And just as expected, it didn’t take Danny even a minute to explode. The rant that came from that, was epic and possibly one of his longest winded. Lou was regretting his decision when even close to the end of the day they were still hearing the blond rant, although the rant was mostly him bragging and praising his brother.

Steve had many flaws, reckless? Definitely but it’s needed for the job; volatile? Possibly but not aggressive; commitment-phobic? He would like to think it was justified; trigger-happy? Sure but it’s part of his training; controlling? Not where it counts; narcissistic? He doesn’t think so; stubborn? Okay, he would admit to that one; but a neanderthal as Danny claims? Only to annoy his best friends. All that to say that while he had many flaws, one that he never had was disloyal or unfaithful.

‘At least I wasn’t,’ he thought.

Ever since his night with Evan, Steve hasn’t been able to fully face Catherine. Despite the issues that they may have had, at the time he slept with the younger man, they had still been together. ‘I think,’ Catherine did speak to him about wanting different things and giving each other space but he wasn’t sure if that space would start after that conversation or after they were done dealing with Doris’ mess. 

Either way he had never cheated on any with his partners; one, because he had never been one of those men easily tempted or thrilled by the forbidden; and two, because he was always happy with the person he was with and if he wasn’t then he would break up. ‘My life and work are already so complicated, why also complicate my love life.’

For this reason, what he had done with Evan was eating at him, not only because it could cause him to lose Catherine, the woman he loved and wanted to marry, but also because a part of him wanted more. At first, Steve thought it was perfectly natural after such a great fuck, to fantasize about it the next morning and even a day or two after it happened. There was no denying that Evan definitely ranks in the top five list of best sex partners and possible top three of the male ones, still after that time, Steve expected to put things behind him and at most feel guilty about it which he does.

‘I just wasn’t expecting not to regret it but actually want a repeat.’

He had seriously lost track of the times he had jerked off to relieve some tension, he would start thinking about Catherine but ended up overwhelmed with thoughts of a blond blue-eyed man. Even worse, in the last few days, Catherine has been amazing. She has stayed by Steve’s side and helped him deal with all the drama that his mother brought to his doorstep. She never complained or asked for compensation, it was like his issues were hers as well.

But the thing was that with Catherine, once he started seeing the similarities between her and his mother, Stveve couldn’t unsee them. He wasn’t trying to justify his actions or find an excuse, ‘maybe I was.’ Still, there was no denying that he had started to become more and more discouraged with the woman and certain behaviors. 

Like certain actions that his mother did that were clearly wrong, but somehow, Catherine, who as a military brat had been so by the book to the point that they almost broke up and never spoke again when Steve first asked her to bend the rules to help him, that Catherine, was suddenly fine and even supported Doris’ shadier actions.

It wasn’t about Catherine finding her way and changing but the rapid and alarmingly drastic change that only came about after she met Steve’s mother. ‘Is that voluntary change or coerced change?’ To Steve it was starting to feel more and more like he was dating his own mother and that felt so disturbing that it constantly turned his stomach. He had even had an issue with kissing the woman, long before his night with Evan.

‘She just felt too much like mom,’ he thought with a shiver.

Steve still loved Catherine and he still saw a future with the woman, he was hoping that all the sudden drama his mother created was to blame for the tension and weirdness in their relationship. ‘Once everything was taken care of, things will go back to normal,’ Steve thought and part of him knew that he was being a little delusional but it was the only way he could get through everything that was going on.

But as if he wasn’t overwhelmed enough, his libido was still hooked on the younger man that rocked his world a few nights ago. His mind kept, helpfully bringing up the memories from that night which his dick insisted on reacting to every time. Steve was feeling like a teenage boy again, ‘hell, I wasn’t even this horny when I was a teenage boy.’ In his teens, Steve had been more interested in sports than sex although he was still a horny teenage boy, he just wasn’t as bad as others.

Now, he understood the frustration of always being horny and being turned on by the most innocent things. Seriously, he was passed a cup of water and felt his dick twitch as he remembered how well the younger man took care of him. He didn’t know that he would have an aftercare kink because besides how good it felt to be split open by the young man, the tenderness was what had Steve still stuck on that night.

“Steve, are you listening,” his mother’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, the woman was staring at him with an intense look, pursed lips and raised eyebrows that he knew was meant to be sassy but he just found comical. 

Since their reunion the woman seemed to have made it her goal to silently challenge Steve, as if to prove that she had more experience or was more capable. This was done by quite frankly, belittling and condescending words, tones, and looks. He always thought that it was just his mother having a type A personality which matched Steve’s a little too much.

“More like her being a controlling bitch that’s so narcissistic she even has to compete with her own son over who has the bigger dick.”

Steve couldn’t help but think that Danny might have been right although at the time the short blond said those words, Steve, as was expected of him as Doris’ son, snapped at the man. The two best friends had an argument since Steve demanded Danny apologize because Doris had been in the house when the blond said this, not in the room but still to Steve it felt disrespectful. Danny, true to his personality, refused because he had told no lies and as his best friend, he’s job was to call Steve out on his bullshit but also defend him when others wanted to take advantage of him and he was too emotionally stunted to realize.

“I will even say this to her face and not have a single regret.”

“Danny, you’re crossing the line. I respect your opinion but I will not have you insult my mother.”

“I guess for people like her the truth will always be insulting, and if me sharing a few truths bothers you then you don’t really respect my opinion, you only respect the opinion that is convenient to you.”

Danny stormed out of the house after that and refused to pick up Steve’s first few calls before eventually picking up and ranting about Steve being annoying and not paying his cellphone bill, and just like that they were back to normal. He smiled because despite how much they argue and how it might not seem so, his friendship with Danny was Steve’s healthiest and strongest relationship, one he hoped would last until the end of their lives and even beyond. 

“Oh hell no, you think I want to be saddled with your controlling ass for that long. That’s a fate worse than death, babe.”

“Come on, Danno, you know you love me.”

“You know what, get off my phone,”

Steve had chuckled as Danny hung up just to not admit that Steve was right, ‘just for that, I’ll make sure that we end up in hell together.’ He was under no misconception that heaven was an option for him, it might be for Danny but Steve was selfish so he would drag his best friend down with him before the blond was pulled up. 

“Steve, seriously,” his mother grunted. “I don’t know what’s going on with you but you need to focus.”

“I’m always focused,” Steve knew that his tone was arrogant but he was tired of how much his mother treated him like a little boy, ‘it’s like she thinks nothing’s changed since she faked her death, even my age.’

Buck was actually at peace despite being on an island that had a beach wherever he turned. He did have a few tsunami nightmares since arriving to the island, a few of which he had to be woken up by his brother from. Buck felt so ashamed but Danny just scolded him for feeling so and declared that he would only be angry if Buck didn’t come to him when he needed support and suffered alone. He made Buck promise to come to him if he ever needed to talk, felt alone, was overwhelmed, or just needed human interaction.

“I don’t see why you would since people are neanderthals that are more trouble than they’re worth.”

“What about Grace, Charlie, your parents, Chin Ho, Kono,” 

“I guess a few are okay.”

Still, Buck promised to come to his older brother if needed but it was easier said than done. It was a slow process but Danny was patient if not a little grumpy, he knew that it was basically the shorter man’s love language. Despite the emotional difficulties that he faced, Hawaii seemed to agree with him. Buck was even gaining a tan which Kono and Lou constantly teased him about, “who knew such light skin could tan instead of burn.”

There was no sharpness or snark to their voice like he was used to and there were no derogatory nicknames. It was definitely jarring, Kono wasn’t even upset when Buck denied her offer to surf, ‘well Danny ended up declining for me.’ He has a feeling they found out about the tsunami while looking him up or Danny told them but either way, Kono had just shrugged and asked him if he wanted to join their football game since they could use someone who could challenge Steve’s bulk.

Buck kept waiting for the teasing and the pushing about the surfing issue to come but it never did. The anxiety became too much and he eventually asked Kono, the woman’s response stunned him so much, he was later told it was actually sad. “Why would I push, you said no,” the woman had just shrugged. “No is a full sentence and it needs no justification or explanation.”  She must have noticed that Buck didn’t understand the concept, almost as if had asked her a question in English but she replied in Japanese. She gave him a look of sympathy and a glint of something darker flash in her eyes as she placed a hand on his shoulder.  

“No is always enough and if someone tells you it’s not or pushes then they’re not someone you want or should have in your life.”

Buck remembered how he had sobbed in Danny’s arms that night, neither said anything but he was sure that Danny had been told about the conversation from Kono because the older man practically had his arms opened and ready when he got home after his hike with the woman. Somehow, despite their height difference, the embrace worked; Danny had the typical dad or older brother embraced while Buck seemed to have been borned to be cuddled and comforted.

‘Well, not always,’ Buck thought, remembering his night with Jack and how much he enjoyed taking care of the older man. He liked referring to it as taking care of instead of dominating since he had never been a controlling or dominating person. If he thought about it like that, he would probably have trouble enjoying it as much as he does. ‘I never want to feel like I’m taking advantage of anyone.’

Besides the emotional roller coaster, Buck has been getting along with Danny’s team far better than he expected. He really enjoyed their company and how they seem to get on so well and tease each other without the sense of taunting that he was normally used to from his team. It was like seeing high school friends versus adult friends. It wasn’t to say that they were perfect or the pinnacle of teamwork, they were all strong type A personalities, even Chin Ho, so neither were really the type to give in or fold.

They did argue, in fact, they argued and clashed more than those at the 118 but that respect and affection they had for each other remained firm even then so they never took it too far or crossed boundaries or at least Buck hadn’t seen that. He also hasn’t seen them push past those boundaries with the playful and almost ignorant air of a dog bulldozing through a door to reach their owner the way that his team in the 118 often did.

He found himself willingly taking the role of calming those strong tempers with his desserts and his more easy-going personality. He doesn’t know why his presence seemed to lighten things even if the team was mid-argument or if there was thick tension. That never happened in the 118 but here, even Lou Grover, who might be grumpier than Danny, seemed to like Buck. Even stranger, not one of them had called or compared Buck to a puppy and he didn’t realize how much that had affected him before. It wasn’t that he hated it, he enjoyed it when it used to be a term of affection but after a while he noticed that in others’ eyes being a ‘puppy’ seemed to have become his whole personality and because of this he couldn’t or shouldn’t have any depth.

Although he’s gotten on great with Danny’s team, the leader and Danny’s best friend, still eluded Buck. Apparently the older man had been dealing with his family drama but then was called in to report for his monthly check in with the navy since he was in the reserve. He understood it or at least wasn’t as bothered by the constant delay as Danny seemed to be. “This is what happens when you try to treat a neanderthal like a civilized person.”

“Danny, I don’t think he’s avoiding me on purpose,” Buck tried to calm the older man but that just seemed to make Danny think that what Steve was doing was worse.

“I’ve always met all his crazy family and psychotic friends but when I want him to meet my very normal brother, suddenly he’s busy,” Danny had just continued ranting and pacing around the living room while Buck stared with mirth and affection in his eyes.

For this reason, the next day, Buck had decided to focus on Italian desserts, for the treats he made for the team. He made Biscotti, Raspberry Jam Bomboloni which were basically Italian masala, Cannoli -Danny’s favorite- and Tiramisu which he left at home as a treat for when Danny got out of work. Since arriving at Danny's house, he has been cooking a lot more but completely by choice. In part, it was purely selfish as he enjoyed seeing his family’s expression when they tasted his cooking while baking had become his outlet for when his emotions and thoughts got too dark.

“We might actually have to open a bakery,” Danny had teased although never complained; no matter how much Buck baked, he always praised the younger man and happily volunteered to taste test. The older man had in fact gone as far as fighting others for Buck’s treats. “He’s my brother so I have dibs on his cooking.”

“Danny, that’s not fair!”

“Yeah, that’s selfish.”

Buck chuckled while making his way to the office as he remembered them arguing when Buck had made almond cookies that according to Kono were like crack and Danny insisted on keeping to himself. It had caused  a commotion among everyone which shocked and slightly alarmed Buck who had never gotten such a reaction. As he reached the palace and made his way inside, Buck missed the big, black truck that was parked next to Danny’s camaro. He waved to the guards at the front and even gave them some of the treats since they always commented about the sweet scent that seemed to hung around Buck whenever he came. They were surprised but then showed how grateful and excited they were about the treat.

“Thanks, Buck!”

“Yeah, Makoa is going to be mad he missed this.”

“Oh, you can save him some,” Buck tried to offer, feeling bad.

“Nah, you snooze, you lose.”

According to Danny, the team had just wrapped up a case and hadn't gotten a new one so they were all stuck on paperwork, this meant that Buck didn’t feel guilty walking into the office with a smile and a bag of treats which immediately got everyone’s attention. First to notice and rush to him was Kono who he had become good friends with because according to Danny they were both chaos loving, trouble magnets. 

“Buck!” the woman rushed over, her eyes shining as she noticed the bag. “Danny didn’t tell us you were coming,” the woman sends a playful glare to the older blonde’s office where he seemed to be in an animated conversation with someone.

“He doesn’t know, I thought I would surprise him with some of his favorites since he seemed more annoyed than usual,” Buck commented, cautious about sharing too much of Danny’s anger with Steve but Kono gave him an understanding look so he figured it must not be a secret.

“Yea, they’ve been at it all day.”

“Oh, so he’s here?”

“Yes, he’s finally back but mom is still mad at dad for being away from home for so long,” Kono  teased, although from the shadow in her eyes, Buck could tell that she was genuinely concerned.

‘Also how can Danny not see that they are soulmates, clearly everyone else can tell they are in love.’

“Buck,” Lou called with a grin, the tall man loved to tease him but it was more to get a rise out of Danny which the older man seemed to enjoy winding up. Lou reminded Buck of a mix between Hen and Athena which made him both feel at ease and a little terrified. “Do I smell something sweet?”

“Are we being blessed with some Buck treats?” Chin Ho adds before Buck could answer, making the younger man blush.

“Hey vultures back off,” the snarky voice of Danny soon joined as he playfully glared at his team who surrounded his little brother and groaned at the short blond.

“Oh come on Danno,” another voice behind the older blonde chimed in, “don’t you think you’re being a little too possessive.”

“Don’t Danno me, I’m not happy with you,” the blond snapped and Buck winced at the annoyance in that tone.

‘Maybe I should have brought the Tiramisu or the Rum Biscotti,’ he thought, almost missing how familiar the voice of the other person sounded. Still, he grinned as he saw his brother but his smile froze as he saw the tall figure coming behind him. When the other tall man looked up from teasing his friend, his smile also froze and his eyes widened at seeing Buck.

“You!” They both said at the same time, startling everyone who stared between the two in confusion.

“What are you doing here?” Again they asked each other at the same time although Steve’s tone had a little panic and anger to it while Buck’s was genuinely curious.

“You two know each other?” Lou asked, always the cautious, suspicious pessimist. 

“Yes, Steven,” Danny turned to his best friend, hands on his hip and squinted eyes that flashed with something dark. “How do you know my little brother?”

“Brother?!” Steve both asked and exclaimed with alarm.

“That’s where I heard you before!” Buck suddenly exclaimed with almost excitement at having figured things out, remembering how it had bothered him that the older man’s voice sounded so familiar. “You would think after that night I would’ve remembered,” Buck added both sheepish and surprisingly smug.

“Steve,” Danny practically growls, making Steve wince, “explain, now!”

Chapter Text

There was tension in the air at the Hawaii Five-0 office as Danny stared down his best friend who looked genuinely uncomfortable while to the other side, his brother looked guilty and sheepish. While this was going on the rest of the crew was to the side, Kono had at some point got her hands on Buck’s treats and they were enjoying themselves while watching the drama unfold.

“We…” Buck started but Steve intervened.

“Met at a bar, he was clearly a tourist having issues getting served by the bartender so I stepped in and helped.” There was a look exchange between the two tall men before Buck smiled and nodded along with Steve’s explanation.

“Is that so?” Danny asked like a suspicious mother grilling her guilty children but both men nodded convincingly. The team was amused at the two massive SEALs almost seemingly cowering before the barely 5'5 detective. It was clear that they also suspected there was more to the story than the two men were sharing.

‘They probably served together. Something very classified which will not please Danny.’  

“But I thought you said your name was Evan?” Steve turned to the younger man with accusation, desperate to change the topic.

“It is, Evan is my birth name but I rarely used it so everyone calls me Buck,” the younger man simply explained with a shrug, while everyone just stared at the back and forth. “And anyways, you can’t say anything since you said your name was Jack.”

“Technically it is,” Steve shrugged, making everyone but Buck roll their eyes.

Just like that, the tension eased and Danny turned to the rest of the team, finally noticing that they had been eating the treats while they were distracted. “Buck, you have outdone yourself,” Lou declared while holding a Tupperware over a furious Danny’s head, making a comical scene.

“Yea, these are amazing!” Kono exclaimed, shoving all her treats in her mouth before Danny could take them from her.

“Seriously, I know Danny jokes about it but you should really consider opening that bakery,” Chin Ho added with such an honest and amazed tone, it made Buck blush bright red.

The young man was watching the team continue to tease Danny when someone grabbed his arm and pulled him away. He didn’t really struggle or make a sound since he knew there could only be one culprit. The two had not noticed that despite his ranting to the team, Danny had noticed their exit but said nothing. In a hallway, away from any prying eyes, Steve finally stopped and turned to the younger man that had been haunting his dreams.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were Danny’s brother?” the older man asked with some indignation and anger, as if Buck purposely kept this from him.

“Why would I tell a stranger who my brother was? I didn’t know you were Danny’s Steve,” Buck was now silently panicking because the serendipitous-ness of the situation wore off and the gravity of it was hitting him.

‘I had sex with Danny’s Steve, the man my new older brother was no doubt in love with.’

“I’m not Danny’s Steve,” the older man corrected as he didn’t like that the title sounded like he wasn’t referring to him as Danny’s best friend but as Danny’s something else.

“Oh please, you two are practically soulmates,” Buck exclaimed, fully panicking now. “And yea, you two haven’t realized your feelings for each other but everyone knows that your endgame!”

Steve had never been bothered by everyone believing that he and Danny were more than just friends, he even found it comical. He never found issue with it until now as he saw the younger panic over it. He also couldn’t help but compare this meek young man to the dominant one that rocked his world. It was almost hard to believe that they were the same person but he pushed the thought away because first he had to calm down his best friend’s brother or the short blond would kill him.

‘I had sex with my best friend’s younger brother,’ it was truly unbelievable, ‘amazing, mind-blowing sex that I wouldn’t mind…’ he cut off his thoughts before they made the situation more awkward than it already was.

Steve grabbed the younger man by his shoulder, forcing him to focus, “Buck,” he called getting the man’s attention. “I’m not one to cheat so trust me when I say that Danny isn’t nor will he ever be anything more than my best friend and even brother.”

‘That was a lie, I kind of already cheated,’ Steve thought but pushed it away, something he was starting to release he keeps doing, ‘there are only so many things I can push away.’ But it was hard not to focus on those clear blue eyes that were more enchanting in the light of day.

“But you guys seem…”

“Yes, we have great chemistry but neither of us see each other that way,” Steve shrugged and Buck got silent, although he was clearly flabbergasted as if Steve had told him there was no such thing as Santa Claus or that his mother and father were getting a divorce, which that was an imagine that Steve didn’t want to picture.

‘I’ve heard of ex-lovers supporting your new relationships but this is too much.’

“Wait, are you serious?” 

“Everyone thinks we’re together because we act like husband and wife but that’s just because of our difference in personality and how much we trust and care about each other.”

“I could’ve sworn,” Buck whispered more to himself. He was having more of a harder time processing that Steve and Danny weren’t in love with each other, than the fact that he slept with his brother’s best friend.

‘I guess that’s like it was with me and Eddie,’ he thought about how many people always paired them up together as if they were a package deal but even those people didn’t treat them like a couple as much as people treat Steve and Danny like a married couple.

“Either way, I don’t want anyone to know what happened between us, especially not Danny,” Steve finally got to the reason why he actually pulled the younger man away.

“I agree,” Buck nodded, things were going so great so he rather not have his new older brother hate him for sleeping with the man’s best friend. In his life, sex always ruined everything for him and for once he didn’t want to let it, even if he had to lie. The thought of everyone here finding out about Buck 1.0 and judging him for it like everyone else made Buck anxious. That night had been a moment of weakness, he wasn’t going back to his old partner of random hook-ups and reckless actions to gain other’s love and attention.

‘No, I refuse to go back,”

“Anyways, I don’t need Danny hating me for defiling his little brother,” Steve’s playful words pulled him out of his dark thoughts. The older man had a smile on his face that Buck couldn’t help but think was devilish charming. He could see so many people fall for the trap that smile sets because it was clear that the older man before him was trouble.

‘If what I’ve heard so far and all Danny complains about isn’t enough to prove it, him being a Navy SEAL does, still…’ Buck couldn’t help himself as he bit his lip while checking the man out.

“I remember that night a little differently,” Buck stepped forward, “because I was the one doing the defiling.”

Steve heard more than felt the shift in the mood; the tone of that voice was very familiar to him, it had been the voice that offered to make him forget everything, the voice that whispered sweet yet filthy things to him, and that voice was now almost taking him back to that night. “Tell me, Jack, do you remember,” the younger man whispered, his words sultry, “or should I say, Steve .”

The older man felt breathless at how growly his name came out of that mouth. His eyes remained firmly on the younger man’s neck, knowing that if he looked into those eyes, he might fall into them and forget where they were. But this was a mistake because he was distracted by the moving of the younger man’s Adam’s apple. 

“Tell me, Steve,” that voice growled, ordering the older man to answer.

“I remember,” and he was powerless to do anything else but what it asked. At that moment, Steve realized that Buck was a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

A big hand grabbed his chin and turned his face up until he met clear blue eyes that just as he expected pulled him in and blocked his inhibitions. Suddenly, lips touched his and before Steve knew it their mouths melded together in a kiss that in second grew steamy as Buck bit his lips and demanded entrance, which Steve, melting into the younger man’s arms, easily gave. Buck pushed his tongue inside the older man, tasting every part of the inside of his mouth before pulling Steve’s tongue into a dance that the older man let the blond lead.

The big hands had moved to grab his waist and Steve felt a muscular thigh push his legs apart but he was distracted as those hands on his waist moved down to his hips, so close to his ass. Steve almost moaned as the thigh between his legs lifted up and pushed against his cock, that was when he noticed that he was half hard. ‘Fuck,’ a small part of his mind tried to remind him that they should stop but Steve couldn’t figure out why, instead of listening his hips moved on their own, humping that thigh and making the man kissing his life away, chuckle. 

“ Doll , you are so eager,” Buck broke the kiss and whispered in Steve’s ear, his voice deeper and huskier than before although the ‘doll’ came out almost as a cooing. “It drives me crazy.”

Steve had to bite his lips to stop himself from moaning out loud. He wasn’t one for terms of endearment, especially while having sex and he should especially be offended by the name Buck decided to use but the way Buck said it wasn’t dominating or patronizing but affectionate and filled with so much reverence, like a worshipper speaking to their god. The name filled him with warmth and turned him on at the same time.

‘Fuck, this kid is seriously not real,’ 

“Babe,” they suddenly heard a very familiar voice called and it all hit them like a brick.

Buck jumped away from Steve with wide eyes, the younger man looked as if Steve had burned him and the older man couldn’t blame him. They stared at each other with panic, realizing what they had been doing and where. “I don’t know why…I…” the younger man stuttered but Steve wasn’t in a better position.

“Go that way, the bathroom is in that direction,” he ordered quickly, taking charge. “Go!” Buck rushed away and Steve took deep breaths to calm himself down. His cock had already wilted when he first heard Danny’s voice so he didn’t have to worry about the short blond noticing.

He doesn’t know what came over him, he thought about Catherine and felt like an asshole, he thought about Danny and felt like a horrible friend. Steve’s mind and heart knew that it was wrong but his body couldn’t help it. He had never been so attracted to someone, at least not to the point that he forgot common sense.

“Steve,” Danny walked over, “I’ve been calling you for a while,” Danny looked around, “Where’s Buck?”

Steve almost winced, realizing that his friend had caught him dragging his little brother away from the room. “He went to the bathroom,” fortunately, he was trained to lie and wear a mask so good that even he forgot who he was. “I got a call,” he added vaguely, letting his friend reach his own conclusion. He smirked internally when he saw Danny glare, the man no doubt thought he was talking about his mother.

“Anyways, do I get to try these famous treats you’re all fighting over?”

“I’m not sure you earned that privilege,” Danny huffed, turning away.

‘I let your brother plow me like he had been farming all his life, out of everyone here, I think I’ve earned it the most,’ Steve thought with amusement, although he would never say it out loud.

Immediately, he shook his head, remembering that this could never happen again. He had Catherine and Buck was Danny’s brother; there was no way that, even if Catherine and he had broken up, Steve could have sexual relationship with the younger man. He had said it playful but he hadn’t been playing when he told the younger man that Danny would kill him if he found out. Danny was a protective mother-hen, especially with his family, ‘I pity the people that try to date Grace.’

With all that Danny has told him that Buck had been through, Steve could understand Danny being protective of the younger man. He knew that Danny’s issue wouldn’t be about Steve, ‘at least not completely,’ but about anyone wanting to date his little brother and possibly hurt him. ‘I get it, I have a younger sister,’ Steve shook his head in alarm.

‘Why the hell am I even thinking so much about this? I have Catherine! Love will always be more important than sex, no matter how good the sex is.’

Danny had been ready to go and follow Steve and Buck to see what the neanderthal was up to with his sweet little brother but then he took a bite of the Biscotti that the younger man brought and he couldn’t help but moan. It was so perfect; the taste, the texture, and even the scent, it all pulled him back to his childhood. It reminded him of the Biscotti that his mother would buy from Caruso’s for their Sunday breakfast. He would have them with her hot chocolate which was always perfect since she used the chocolate from Latin America that he always found richer than the cocoa powder they sold in the stores. 

“Oh my god,” as he got older he had them with coffee but ever since moving to Hawaii, he hadn’t been able to get a good Biscotti except for those generic brand ones which no self-respecting Italian would ever be satisfied with. Besides, there was no comparison to the freshly made ones. Even worse, Caruso's had closed when he was in his teenage years so he couldn’t even get them when he went back home.

“I know, kid’s hands are seriously blessed by the heavens,” Lou agreed, dipping his into his coffee and smiling as he took a bite of the delicious combination.

(Bomboloni)

Then there were the Bomboloni, as he bit into them, he realized they were filled with raspberry jam, his favorite, ‘kid,’ Danny thought with an affectionate sigh, he almost wanted to cry at how thoughtful and sweet Buck was. It didn’t take long for him to piece together that Buck had seen him more agitated than usual and decided to do something to lighten his mood. It brought memories of his childhood, this one made him think of a little kid with a bright smile that was also so eager to please. “Here Danny, happy birthday!” The kid passed him a tin can that when he opened it revealed two rolls of very clearly homemade Bomboloni. 

“I told you that you didn’t have to get me anything, Buttercup.”

Danny remembered how they had been dough-y and the filling had been too sour but Danny had eaten them with a smile. The little kid grinned so brightly that it had been worth Danny spending hours in the toilet, a few hours later. Buck’s Bomboloni were nothing like those, Buck’s were soft and fluffy. They almost disappeared in his mouth, leaving him wanting more which made sure that they were soon gone.

‘Sucks for Steve,’ Danny thought with a sneer and suddenly he remembered that his friend had taken his brother somewhere and he couldn’t have the man corrupting his sweet little brother because despite being a SEAL, Buck was not a neanderthal.

He wasn’t easily fooled, he knew that there was something the two were hiding. Danny was sure it was some Navy SEAL secret that the two were forced to share and keep between each other. As much as he wanted to know, he wasn’t going to push; from their talks, Maddie had made it clear that Buck’s time in service was off limits unless he brought it up. “Which he most likely won’t since he fortunately can’t remember most of it,” Danny understood why the woman spoke in such a way, he had not been a soldier but as a detective he had seen things that he wished he could forget.

Most of Buck’s military record was sealed which meant he was doing some seriously dangerous and shady things for the government but Danny read the file on the reason for his honorable discharge at least the medical parts that weren’t redacted. He felt guilty for doing it but the older brother in him had to know how much his little brother had suffered. What happened was, as expected, redacted but his injuries weren’t so Danny knew more than he wanted to. Most of all, he knew about the lasting damages of it, including Buck’s amnesia, random headaches and the tremors in his hands.

The last one Buck had confessed to him one night after a nightmare Danny had to wake him up from and the older man noticed his hands shaking so badly they were impossible to miss. Danny had been happy that he no longer had to pretend that he didn’t know or that he didn’t notice the way Buck’s hands shook if he baked for too long. He was still not made aware of the amnesia but he was patient and would wait until Buck was ready. What really worried him was that some day Buck might recover his memories and all those dark thoughts would come back putting an even greater weight on the trauma the younger man already carried.

‘This time he won’t carry it alone,’ Danny promised, walking out of the office to find his best friend and his brother.

Chapter Text

Buck has face a lot in his life from neglectful and later abusive parents, to being on the run with his sister so they could escape from her abusive husband, to joining the Navy just so that he could offer her some protection, to the literal hell that was training and then all the missions that followed, especially the one that led to his discharge, ‘which fortunately I don’t remember.’ Yet despite going through hell and back, Buck couldn’t help but feel that this might be worse.

It was the Saturday after he finally met Steve as Danny’s best friend, ‘and I’m not touching that one right now.’ Instead he focused on the real crisis as right now his older brother was talking to someone on the phone and that was what had Buck so nervous. The older man had declared that it was the perfect time to set up the call between Buck and the Williams patriarch. 

“If you're ready,” Danny had asked tentatively. Buck had nodded with a confident grin that he didn’t really feel. It was all only because he had already agreed to talk to the man who turned out to be his biological father.

The truth was that he was terrified, no matter how many praises Danny gave his father or how much he reassured Buck, there was no way of knowing how the older man would react. Buck was basically the unwanted product of his stolen sperm, ‘stolen but unwanted by the thieves. Who steals something they don’t want to keep but also don’t want to sell?!’ Still, Buck knew that it was better to face things head on. He knew what to expect, everyone that Buck met started off nice but eventually they realized that he was just too much to deal with.

‘Too needy, too self-centered, too clingy, too stupid, just too much,’ he began to spiral, thinking about all the words and looks from those that no longer wanted him in their lives. 

“...uck, Buck, Buck!” he was shaken out of his thoughts by someone calling his name. He turned to see a worried Danny extending the phone to him although he seemed to start to pull it away and Buck felt guilty for making the older man think that he was going back on his word. “You sure you want to do this? Dad would understand if you want to wait,” it was even worse because Danny was so understanding.

“No,” Buck stuttered and stumbled over his words, “I mean…I’m sure.”

Buck took the phone from Danny, he held it to his chest and took a deep breath. He reminded himself that he’s been through hell, dealt with the demons inside and still survived. ‘I can do this,’ Danny gave him an encouraging smile, those soft eyes declared that if Buck was too overwhelmed or uncomfortable at any moment, then the older man could take over. This made Buck smile and even gave him the confidence to bring the phone to his ear and finally speak.

“Hello,” but then he realized he wasn’t sure what to say so he decided to just introduce himself. “Um, my name is Buck…I mean it’s technically Evan but no one uses it, by choice obviously.” Buck found himself doing what he always did when nervous, rambling, “there were too many Evans in my certification class, for firefighter…I’m not sure if Danny told you…that I’m a firefighter but I am…so…”

“Kid,” Danny called to him, “breath.” Buck turned to his brother who stared at him with affection although there was still that glint of concern in his eyes.

“Right, sorry. I ramble when I’m nervous,”

“No worries,” that voice didn’t belong to Danny and it almost made Buck jump as he had forgotten there was someone on the other line. “My father was the same way, although he usually rambled about random facts.”

The voice was strong and firm yet there was a tenderness to it that Buck had never heard from a father figure, even Bobby was all stern and wisdom or  affectionate exasperation. ‘Don’t get too happy,’ he scolded himself, ‘He doesn’t know me, there is still time for it to change.’ Buck pushed his emotions and focused on the voice which reminded him of those gruff looking old men or fathers in movies that were the silent type but gave off this strong, ‘you’re only in charge because I let you’ energy. 

“I do that too!” Buck exclaimed with excitement because this quirk always made him feel like an oddball, it was not a trait that he shared with any of his family and his friends just made fun of him for it.

“Then you get it from my father,” the older man declared calmly, “he would go on for hours. Helped a lot with school work since he was great at research, although back then things were much harder,” there was a soft affection and nostalgia to the older man’s voice.

‘Your father,’ a voice reminded him but he pushed it back because if he acknowledged the elephant in the room, he wouldn’t be able to get through this call.

(AN: I don’t know if I want to make it so that the Williams grandparents are alive yet but I might since it would be fun to write Buck having protective and doting grandparents.)     

“It’s good to know that it comes from somewhere,” Buck couldn’t hide his relief.

“Even if it didn’t, it’s who you are,” the old man had a  very thick Jersey accent, even thicker than Danny’s. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Uh…I mean it could get annoying,” Buck pulled into himself as he thought about the many times he had been told to shut up or that they didn’t care about his random facts.

“Everything could get annoying to the wrong people,” the older man scoffed and Buck couldn’t help but think that this was where Danny got it from. “You just need to spend time with the right people,” the man added and Buck could almost see him shrugging with the displeased almost bulldog frown that he had seen Danny make when the 118 was brought up.

“I guess, I’m just a bad judge of character,” Buck’s chuckle was so self-deprecating he looked away to avoid the disapproving eyes of his brother.

“The brightest light attracts the most bugs,” the old man’s tone was so sassy yet dry, which Buck didn’t think was even possible. It made him chuckle for real and for some reason it put him at ease, the man was clearly one of those people for whom what you see was what you get, they’re the people that don’t start anything but if they’re pulled into something then they would end it.

“It’s been a while since I’ve gone through training, do they still make you do the…” the older man then started to ask about Fire Department training and soon the two fell into a easy conversation about the difference between the job now and back then. Buck was happy to talk about his job and earnestly answered all of the older man’s questions, even sharing facts that he had looked up while he was going through his training.

Edward ‘Eddie’ Williams was a man of few words and he had always been; even when he was young, he was ‘forgot you were there’ quiet. But all the men in his family were this way, his father was a hardworking but reserved man who barely spoke a word unless he was pushed. Sometimes, they wouldn’t even realize their father was home for hours because the man barely spoke. “My father taught me a very important lesson, listen carefully, out there men may have control but in here, this is the woman’s domain and we all do as she says.”  

While his father was a product of his time like any Italian man, Elio Williams ‘nee’ Bernardi was surrounded by strong-willed and independent women. And he had no problem letting them take the lead, proof of this was him taking his wife’s last name instead of her taking his. This was the  type of example that Edward grew up around so he was much the same; even his brothers defer to their wives, although none of them chose to change their names except for his eldest brother who decided to take their father’s maiden name of Bernardi instead of the married name of Williams but even then he also was the strong silent type.

‘Danny kind of broke this pattern,’ Edward thought with a smile.

(AN: I think that I will be referring to Danny’s father as Edward instead of Eddie just to avoid confusion with 9-1-1 Eddie.)

All this to say that he was never one to have long winded conversations with anyone, even his wife, which she constantly complained to him about. He was more the type to just sit back and listen as his family talked and ranted about whatever topic they were interested in or annoyed about at the time. One thing was for sure, Edward always listened and paid attention even if it did not seem so. 

For this reason, it was strange for him to have an hour-long conversation with someone. Not only listening in a one-sided conversation but talking back. He didn’t blame his wife for staring at him with her eyes wide and mouth hanging open. But Edward Williams found it very easy to talk to the young man who apparently was his son. ‘Maybe some part of me feels that,’ he wondered if it was his parental instinct. ‘Or maybe it’s the fact that he’s the only one to have followed in my footsteps.’

Father and son talked without bringing up the elephant in the room or acknowledging their bond except for their shared passion for their career as firefighters. The kid was so eager and energetic to share what he knew yet at the same time he was desperate to hear from others. It was surprising for Edward because he had only met people that were either eager for attention or desperate to have someone to love but never both.

“Apparently, I’m being called for dinner,” Edward declared regretfully and immediately Buck began apologizing for not realizing that with the different time zones it was probably late for the older man but Edward just waved his apology away. “I don’t get a chance to talk about work with anyone unless I meet up with old buddies from the station.”

“It was really nice,” Buck admitted with a smile. He doesn’t remember having such an easy going yet two-sided conversation with someone. A conversation where he wasn’t scolded or taunted for being too loud or annoying and where the other person joined in not just to humor him.

“Well, I’ll be happy to do this again, if you would like,” for the first time, the old man sounded almost timid.

“Really? It wasn’t too much?” The young voice was so hopeful and so shyly enthusiastic that it made Edward want to never let the young man down.

“No at all,” he declared with a soft smile.

“Then, yeah, let’s do this again,” Edward’s eyes shone upon hearing the young man’s answer. 

He would like to think that he had a good relationship with all his kids but because he was so silent and they had such loud and grand personalities, they often didn’t have a lot in common and Edward got pushed to the shadows which he never minded. It was great to observe and guard silently, he had no desire to socialize but this also meant that he rarely had conversations with his children that involved them both talking and listening to each other.

“Good, in that case,” the man was happy with how this conversation went although they didn’t talk about their connection or what led to it all. “I’ll let you go,”

“Okay,” Buck’s tone was uncertain but still happy.

“And kid,” Edward called before they could hang up.

“Yeah?”

“It was great talking to you.”

With those words, the call ended and Edward was met with the sight of his impatient wife, not dinner. “I thought you said that dinner was ready,” he wondered in actual confusion which only made Clara give him a very unimpressed look. The woman was clearly annoyed with something and the man was genuinely confused but this was nothing new when it came to his family.

“So how was it? That was Buck, right,” the woman asked but it wasn’t really a question. “What is he like? What did he say?” Clara continued to bombard him with questions that Edward wasn’t really given the chance to answer, again nothing new. 

“Clara, if you let me speak, I would answer,” Sometimes Edward had to be firm just to get a word in but he loved his family and they loved him, he knew this because they always listened when he did talk, ‘also they are all very loud with their love.’

“Okay, but tell me everything.”

Edward proceeded to talk to his wife about his conversation with Buck in detail and as he spoke, he couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to be married to such a woman. Clara was amazing, he knew this the moment the spitfire of a woman walked up to him and asked him out all those years ago but since finding out about the stolen sperm issue, this has been proven even more. 

The woman had been his fierce defender and advocate but when they found out that Edward might have another child out there, she eagerly accepted the news, no questions asked or concerns placed. There was never a doubt in Clara’s words that his child would also be her child or that she would support and accept any child that came from him. There was never even jealousy or insecurities about him having a child with another woman, ‘it would be irrational but not unheard of.’

“So what do you think of him?” Clara finally asked and Edward was silent as he thought.

“He sounds like a good kid, eager to please and for affection but,” Edward’s expression turned dark as he thought about the young man’s other parents. “It was clear that some serious damage was done to him and it would take time to fully get to see who he is.”

“In that case, we’ll be patient and trust Danny to set the foundation.”

“If anyone can do it,” Edward smiled softly, thinking about his eldest son and he knew that Buck was in great hands.

Over the next few weeks, Buck spent his time baking, exploring Hawaii, and visiting the team at least once a week to bring them treats. “Boy is trying to fatten us up,” the team complained but glared at him when he tried to take the pastries back or called him like dejected puppies if he missed a day.

“Don’t listen to Lou, we’ll just work out more. Bring the treats, it’s not fair for Danny to be the only one that gets to eat them,” he could hear Kono pouting on the other side as the woman spoke and it made him smile. He had never had someone call him when he wasn’t there or didn’t show up.

‘It’s a nice feeling.’

“He’s my brother and it’s in my house!” 

Buck had chuckled as he heard his brother yelling in the background. “I know, I just needed a break from baking,” his words may seem simple but for him, they were a massive improvement; the people pleaser inside him would normally never be able to say no to his friends and family. And while he still felt guilty, he wasn’t having a panic attack over what the others may think of him for not doing what they wanted.

“Stop exploiting my brother for your sweet addiction,” Danny declared, his voice sounded much closer than before.

“Easy for you to say, you get your fix daily,” again Kono was pouting but there was no anger or genuine disappointment in her voice so Buck knew she was just teasing him and Danny.

‘I think,’ he still had a hard time reading people and their true intentions.

“What is that supposed to mean?!” 

“It means we can all see that you have been enjoying daily sweets,” Steve chimed in and Buck just heard his brother let out this guttural sound that was a mixture of a growl and a breath almost as if he was angry but was trying to breathe.

“Oh shit,” Kono exclaimed on the other end of the call, although there was amusement in her voice. “I got to go, I think he’s actually going to kill him this time. And don’t worry about the treats, we just missed you so don’t be afraid to visit even if you haven’t made anything.”

Before Buck could respond Kono hung up, the last thing that Buck heard was Danny starting his rant against Steve. He didn’t realize how much he had been holding his breath. When he woke up this morning with his hands trembling so bad that he could barely brush his teeth, he wasn’t sure how the others would react to him not bringing them treats. He did try to bake anyways but he could barely open the jars so even he, with his reckless and almost self-sacrificing stubbornness, had to accept defeat.

He had expected to be scolded or  get the disappointed jabs that always came when Buck was ‘selfish’ so to hear that they didn’t mind, was both overwhelming and relieving. Besides that, he was also avoiding the office for another reason. Jack, or Steve as he was actually called, was there more often so Buck couldn’t avoid him and things had become awkward between them. Even they, with their training, had a hard time hiding the tension.

They both knew that anything between them wouldn’t be a good idea but their physical attraction and chemistry was so high it pulled them closer and it was hard to not gravitate towards each other. Buck had caught himself checking the man out plenty of times and had to stop before anyone else noticed. He had also caught Steve staring at his lips as he licked them, if he licked on purpose then that was his business, but the older man even stared when Buck was just talking.

‘This is getting ridiculous,’ they even almost made out in the elevator but remembered the cameras just in time. ‘I’ve never been this stupidly attracted to someone before,’ he groaned as the thought of the other man got his cock half hard. ‘Not today,’ if he could barely brush his teeth, he definitely couldn’t jerk off.

Shaking his head, Buck decided to distract himself. He thought about the new routine to his week, Buck talked at least once a week with Edward Williams, his real father. For the most part, they talked about being firefighters and shared crazy or strange rescues, they even talked about the future of the industry. They have yet to talk about the reveal that brought them together in the first place. In fact, they didn’t talk about anything relating to that issue or even their blood connection. They came to a silent agreement that Buck was not ready to acknowledge who the man was to him.

Recently, there was a slight change in their calls with Buck getting to speak with Edward’s wife, Clara, it was more the woman constantly chiming in during their talks but sometimes Buck would even respond to her comments so he considered it talking. They never outright had a conversation just them, he was still scared that the woman would hate him for being the product of her husband’s stolen sperm. ‘I guess it would be the same as being the child of an affair,’ he thought sadly as there was officially another thing that made him an oddball among his friends and family.

Fortunately his hands didn’t stay fucked, which was a good thing because on Saturday, there was a barbeque in Lou Grover’s home and Buck was surprised that he had also been invited. “Of course you’re invited. Actually, if I leave out any Williams it would be an older blond,” this response only got a rant out of Danny  and a chuckle from Buck. He was also surprised that the team didn’t have a weekly or monthly get together or a set homebase when they did get together.

“Oh, you mean like a team patriarch?”

“Or matriarch,” Kono interjected but Lou just rolled his eyes.

“Girl, you’re the only woman here and while I have no doubt you can be a badass matriarch, we all know hosting ain't your thing.”

“True,” Kono simply declared with a shrug, “but I meant it because of Renee or Catherine.”

At the last name, Danny scoffed and Buck wondered if Catherine was one of his exes or maybe Chin Ho or Kono’s partner. He decided not to ask questions and instead dropped the subject by promising to bring dessert, the tall dark skinned man told him he didn’t have to but Buck wouldn’t feel good about going empty handed. ‘Even if I have to buy it, I’ll bring dessert.’ He hadn’t been sure how he was going to wake up the next morning so he had to be ready for everything.

Fortunately, the universe took pity on him and the next morning his hands were much better. He wasn’t ‘baking a bakery’ better but he was definitely a ‘baking some cookies’ better. Grace and Charlie also insisted on helping; Buck was amazed by how perspective the kids were, even Charlie knew that Buck wasn’t feeling well, he didn’t know what was wrong but he knew that something was wrong.

Grace actually helped while Charlie was more of a companion that ‘snuck’ in bites while they looked away but then proceeded to giggle about it. It was fun and it reminded him of the few times he got to bake with Christopher which made him sad and nostalgic. Fortunately, he was distracted by Charlie eating the almond cookies and having to ‘exile’ the little boy out of the kitchen before he ended up eating them all. 

Once he arrived at the Grover’s house, the cookies disappeared out of his hands. He wasn’t sure who took them or where but someone did. At some point, someone handed him a beer so he wasn’t complaining. He was taken around and introduced to others, one being Jerry, the Five-0 consultant that clearly wanted more, “I’ll get my badge soon.” Buck couldn’t tell him that behind him, Danny was shaking his head so instead he smiled and nodded along to the man. 

He was also introduced to Kamekona and his cousin, Five-0’s informant, alley and friend. The man definitely had a larger than life personality, it was clear that he was an ambitious, go-getter yet he seemed to be down to earth while wanting to live in the sky. He was the kind of person that saw an opportunity and took it. “I heard you can make pretty good Hawaiian desserts,” this was proven by the the man’s first sentence to Buck when they were introduced.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Buck felt shy since from what Danny said, the man was a chef which meant that he would know more than Buck. It felt like standing before a pianist and telling them you play the piano.

‘It’s not the same.’

“Nah, Chin Ho told me about it and even Steve gave it some high praise,” these words surprised Buck since he had little interaction with the older man.

‘At least an interaction that didn’t involve my tongue down his throat.’

“You’re the best he’s ever tasted,” Buck turned so fast to the man he was surprised his neck didn’t crack, he was sure he heard that wrong.

“What you said?” His voice was a little high-pitched.

“I said, he said that yours were the best he’s ever tasted,” Kamekona raised an eyebrow, clearly wondering if Buck was deaf or just weird.

“Oh, that was nice of him,” Buck felt awkward and wanted to be done with the conversation because it only brought up thoughts of all he and Steve had done together.

“So let’s go into business,” again Buck had tuned the other man out and missed part of the conversation.

“I’ve built a shrimp empire,” Buck was wondering how that could relate to him, “and I was thinking about branching out into desserts.”

“Oh no you don’t,” before Buck could even open his mouth, he heard his brother’s voice appear seemingly out of nowhere.

The short blond moved in front of Buck and turned to Kamekona, “you are not about to pull my brother into one of your business schemes.” Then the man proceeded to rant at the big man; it looked like a chihuahua barking at a mastiff. Still, Buck tried to calm the short blond down until he was pulled away as Kamekona spoke back, defending his businesses to the grumpy older man.

“It’s best to leave them be,” the voice that whispered to him made him shiver.

Steve had been watching the young blond since he arrived, he had seen Samantha steal the cookies from the man before he even saw her coming. He saw him going to the kitchen and trying to help but looking helpless when he was sent to enjoy the party. The young man looked like a lost puppy as he walked around, unsure of what to do and who to talk to. Steve chuckled as he realized that despite his looks, the man was not a social butterfly.

Evan, ‘Buck’ he had to remind himself, was friendly and social but he clearly lacked confidence which seemed odd to Steve, especially knowing what he did and how he acted when they were alone. But as he continued to observe the younger man, Steve realized that the lack of confidence wasn’t in himself but in others. He seemed unsure of the people around him, about their thoughts or whether they wanted him around, it was clearly an abuse victim response. 

For Steve, it explained the gentleness and care with which the younger man treated him after he rocked his world. ‘Those most hurt either hurt others or take care of them,’ those that took care of others after they had been hurt were, in Steve’s opinion, rare. He saw as members of his team, ‘adopted’ the younger blond, almost becoming his emotional support extrovert, introducing him to people and bringing him into conversations.

When Kamekona got his hands on him, Steve almost intervened but found Buck’s expression hilarious. The man was so clearly confused and overwhelmed while Kamekona just continued to turn up the charm as if Buck was a possible investor. He chuckled as Buck clearly kept tuning the big man out but then looked guilty once he realized he was doing it. He saw Danny coming in like a knight in shining armor before the short blond even decided to do so.

It was comical to see the stark difference between the brothers, despite their similarities in looks the two siblings couldn’t be more different. Buck had this sweet and calm energy while Danny was all protective chaos. As Danny barreled into the situation with his usual grace of an angry bull in a china shop, Steve decided to step in. Before he could talk himself out of it, Steve grabbed the young man and pulled him away.

“Ja…I mean Steve,” the younger man stuttered in surprise. “Why are you…?”

“You looked like a lost puppy,” Steve declared with a smirk which made the younger man give a pout that in Steve’s opinion had no right being so adorable.

“So you were saving me,” it didn’t take much for Buck to get his bearings and this time spoke to the man with more confidence.

“I mean, do you prefer to be stuck in the middle of that,” Steve pointed to where Danny was arguing with Kamekona over the merits of business and doing business with family.

“Not really.”

“You’re welcome then,” Steve  declared smugly, making Buck chuckle.

“I don’t remember you being so cocky,” Buck stepped forward until they were inches apart and so closed that their breaths intermingled.

“Are you sure? I clearly remember you holding it,” Buck looked down to the man’s crotch and Steve felt it react to the younger man’s attention.

There was a thick tension between them and it was almost hard for either to breathe. The cool breeze did nothing to cool the heat they felt, it was only the voice of someone else that did that. “Don’t fall for Kamekona’s schemes,” Danny called and the two men had just enough time to step away from each other before the older blond was standing beside them. It was like a bucket of cold water and both men felt guilty for different reasons.

‘Shit, I did it again,’ Steve berated himself, ‘what the hell is wrong with me?!’ He stared at Buck laughing sheepishly as Danny softly scolded him, or at least softly for the older blond. ‘What hold does this man have over me?!’

Buck’s eyes met Steve and for a brief moment it was almost as if the younger man could read his mind. The man licked his lips and Steve couldn’t stop himself from following the moment of that tongue, he even saw the younger man’s lips twitch. The gesture should have annoyed him but he just lamented that he wasn’t able to fully see the extent of that expression. He felt drawn to the younger man and wanted so badly to let himself be pulled but then he turned to his best friend and he remembered why he couldn’t and shouldn’t.

‘That and you have a girlfriend,’ he reminded himself, ‘sort of.’

Chapter Text

Steve had hoped that with time, the tension or more like the temptation between him and Buck would just run its course. Unfortunately, that was not the case; in fact, every time the two men were in the same room, the tension just seemed to grow stronger. Things were even worse for Steve because he actually got to know the younger man more and he learned that Buck was genuinely nice and considerate. 

The blond was always willing and ready to offer help to people he didn’t even know or that had been rude to him. Steve had seen it first hand when a rude bystander by a scene they responded to went a little ‘I want to speak to your manager’ crazy when Danny shooed her off with his usual snark. The woman, who would definitely be considered a Karen, lost her mind at being so disrespected by someone who her taxes pay his salary according to her.

“How dare you speak to me like this!” she ranted and everyone just stared with trepidation knowing Danny’s temper. “ You serve me, therefore you need to respect me,” Steve was sure Danny was close to shooting her and he wasn’t sure he would have stopped him since the woman also got personal with her jibes. “You look like a dwarf on steroids, can you even do your job?!”

Although Steve had to bite his lips to stop himself from laughing at the dwarf on steroids line, it wasn’t true since Danny wasn’t that short but it was still funny. Buck apparently had been in the area when he heard the commotion. The taller blond stepped in and to everyone’s shock he calmed the woman and got her to step away to let them do their job. ‘More like charmed her,’ Steve scoffed as he remembered the woman’s starry eyes as she stared up at the tall drink of water that gently cooed at her like the soft singing of a dove.

‘And dammit, but I understand because, same girl, same,’ Steve thought because he had to stop himself from following the younger man too.

Still, he was amazed by how nice Buck was to the woman, although to his credit, he did have a talent for making everyone feel at ease around him or at least like him. Steve almost pitied whoever became the younger man’s partner as it would be like dating the popular girl or boy in school, the one everyone wanted, therefore everyone would hate you for taking them off the market or  will try to take him away.

‘It will be a constant struggle to prove yourself worthy.’

“Hey Steve, I heard you really liked Hawaiian dream cake,” the younger man timidly told him, interrupting his thoughts “and since Danny told me your birthday was coming soon, I thought I could make one for you.” The young blond was so adorably bashful that even if Steve didn’t like the desert, he would’ve eaten it just to not make those sweet eyes turn sad.

“This is clear favoritism!” Kono exclaimed with a pout. “How come Steve gets his own cake.” 

“I mean because you’ve been such a good friend and partner to Danny, of course,” Buck quickly  added, licking his lips and once again, Steve couldn’t stop himself from following the journey of that tongue.

“I guess that makes sense,” Lou grumbled with a huff.

“I don’t know if I would go that far, he did constantly get me shot at,” Danny declared, getting a glare from Steve who stuck his tongue out as he took the cake.

“Guess I’ll be enjoying this cake all by myself,” this declaration got protest from everyone who began to follow the man and try to get him to share. But Steve just kept cackling like a little rich brat with a toy that everyone wanted.

“You know that you didn’t have to do that,” Danny smiled at the scene but he worried that Buck was falling into old patterns of trying to desperately win people over by forcing himself to please them even to his own detriment.

“I know, but he’s your best friend and work husband,” Buck teased, chuckling slightly as Danny’s face twisted. “Besides, it was a good morning,” the younger blond wiggled his fingers for good measure and Danny smiled. He had been worried about how many flare ups Buck has had since arriving to Hawaii. He only knows it’s been a lot thanks to his talks with Maddie who had begun calling him since she was growing worried that Buck was calling her as much.

Danny knew that the woman was worried that Buck wanted to stay in Hawaii and was scared to tell her. “Are you sure he’s okay? He hasn’t mentioned anything to you?” He would give the woman credit, she was slick in how she asked but Danny was also an older sibling so he knew all the tricks to extract information. He reassured her that Buck was just enjoying being in a new environment and did not mention anything about staying which wasn’t technically a lie. Buck has mentioned that he felt at peace in Hawaii and Danny has noticed that the energy of the island seemed to suit the younger man so well, he almost seemed to glow. Even Steve, with how oblivious he could be, had noticed.

“He shines like the sun while you're his dark cloud,” of course his friend couldn’t help but add a jibe at Danny’s expense.

Danny still hadn’t figured out what’s going on between his best friend and his little brother; he wasn’t stupid, he felt the tension between the two but there hadn’t been any arguing, fights or posturing so he was sure it wasn’t rivalry. And Steve was as straight as can be, ‘and completely gone on Catherine,’ for it to be romance or attraction. It was so confusing, he was starting to think that it was a SEAL thing, ‘maybe they met while on a mission.’

Danny missed the moment that Buck passed the older SEAL and his fingers caressed the tattooed bicep, making the owner of that arm sigh softly. Steve turned to the younger man and for a brief moment their eyes met and desire burned in both of their eyes. The SEAL commander felt his body react to the younger man’s scent, touch, look, and the memories of his actions. Kono stealing a slice of his cake distracted him enough to push the desire back and ignore it.

At least he was able to ignore it while at work but as soon as he got home, looking at what was left of the cake, Steve couldn’t help but think of Buck once more. He had the house to himself, his mother was out ‘bonding’ with Catherine which according to his sources meant they were doing some shifty CIA shit. The absence was bothering him less and less each day, he knew that wasn’t a good thing but he was also caring less and less. 

“Hmm,” he groaned as he took a bite of the cake, his eyes closed on their own almost as if that was the only way he could truly savor it. It was so delicious that Steve felt like he was in heaven, he had never fell for that cliche that something tasted heavenly but,

“What about me, Doll?” A familiar voice whispered in his ears and Steve groaned for a different reason, “don’t I taste, heavenly?,” Steve could almost feel his ears being licked and this time the sound he let out was less groan and more moan. “I know you do.”

“Oh fuck,” he held on to the edge of the counter as desire ran through his body like a chill.

“Keep eating,” the younger man’s voice ordered. “I worked really hard on this cake, Just. For. You.”

Steve took another bite and he felt a hand on his ass, making him moan but this time he wasn’t sure if it was at the taste of the cake, the voice that whispered in his ear or the hand on his ass. “Oh look, you dirty your fingers,” Steve saw that some cake got on his hand, “lick it.”   And without thinking like a good soldier, Steve happily did.

“Oh,” he sighed.

“So filthy, might as well just use your hand.”

The clattering of the spoon filled the quiet room like a boom but Steve ignored it as he used his hand to eat more of the delicious cake. Suddenly, he heard the younger man cooing in his ear, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear doll…” he sang and although it wasn’t his birthday yet, Steve couldn’t help but not want anything else.

‘I mean I can think of another thing.’

“Lick them,” 

Steve happily licked his hands, sucking the frosting from his fingers with a moan.

“Can you multitask, doll?”

A hand caressed his ass before pulling down his pants and burying itself between his cheeks.

“Feels like coming back home. Tell me doll, is this my home?”

Steve was embarrassed that he moaned at just the hand rubbing between his cheeks and poking the twitching ring of muscles.

“I don’t like to wait, tell me,” suddenly Steve felt a sharp slap on his ass. “Is this my home?” The question was emphasized by a squeeze to one cheek. Those fingers continued to tease by probing and poking but never pushing in.

“Yes!” Steve exclaimed, desperate for more.

“I know,” the voice leaned in and growled just as a finger pushed in.

“Oh fuck,” the older man was now panting.

“I didn’t tell you to stop cleaning your fingers,” at some point, he had stopped licking his cake covered hand.

He was delirious with pleasure, he wasn’t sure if this was a kink or he was just so repressed and sexually frustrated that anything turned him on. He licked his hand with gusto and moaned as one finger became two. The whispered words became filthier and Steve’s moans got more desperate especially as those fingers pressed on his prostate. He was fortunate that he was alone because he was getting loud.

“Fuck,” he moaned as two fingers became three, the stretch would definitely leave a delicious ache that Steve hoped he would feel later. 

“You’re so perfect, doll,” Buck’s voice whispered and Steve could feel the younger man’s weight on his back. “So deliciously reactive,” the fingers sped up until they were fucking into Steve with strength and desperation that he was definitely going to feel later. “So amazingly slutty, just for me.”

“Yes! Fuck, just for you,” his words were muffled as he had two fingers in his mouth.

The fingers in his ass suddenly focused on his prostate, slamming into it with an almost torturous precision. “I’m going to…!” He felt himself reach his peak without even touching his cock, it should embarrass him but all the praises being whispered in his ear made him feel like this was something to be proud of. 

“Cum for me, doll,”

“BUCK!” His cum splashed out, landing on the cabinet as his body fell on the counter, exhausted.

His labored breathing filled the silent room and he was once again all alone. There was no husky voice, whispered words or soft praises. Things didn’t really hit Steve until he got his breathing under control. Once he realized that he was in the middle of his kitchen, one hand sticky from cake, his pants at his ankles and his bare ass in the air, he finally reacted. “What the fuck am I doing?” Steve asked although he knew what he had just done.

‘I just masturbated to a cake!’

He knew that it was much more than that, it was more about the person that made the cake for him. ‘This is getting ridiculous,’ after his night with Buck, Steve had worked through his desire and had started to get over it until he met the blond once more. It was almost as if the desire and thoughts had been given new batteries that awakened them. He got up, put on his pants, put the rest of the cake in the fridge and cleaned up his mess before heading upstairs. Steve was hoping that a shower would clean him both physically and mentally.

‘Who am I kidding, I’m officially fucked and not in the good way.’

Things just got worse for Steve because Buck kept visiting the office and every time the tension between them got more palpable to the point that it was hard to resist. They had made out a few times in corners around the building, expertly avoiding the cameras with Steve’s help. And unfortunately, a few tastes was all it took to break the dam. Make out sessions turned into Buck surprising him in the bathroom and jerking him off while whispering filthy things in his ear.

“Delicious,” the younger man groaned as he licked his cum soaked hand with a smirk, it was unfair in Steve’s opinion.

This continued to the point that Steve went to the bathroom every time Buck was there desperate to meet up with the younger man, although the blond man didn’t always join him. If Steve had been thinking clearly, he would’ve been thankful for this as them always going to the bathroom together would’ve definitely drawn suspicion. But he couldn't be logical when the younger man made him so painfully horny, it was getting to the point that just looking at the man had him half hard.

‘Fuck, I’m acting like a hormonal teenager that just discovered sex for the first time.’ 

It seemed that he had been more sexually repressed than he thought because he soon started finding excuses to get the younger man alone, although to his credit Buck was more than happy to be alone with Steve. The attraction and almost uncontrollable desire was definitely mutual. Steve even offered to give the young man a tour of the building and somehow managed to keep Danny away. That was a miracle in and of itself and he was still not sure how it happened. It might have something to do with the deadly puppy eyes and words that Buck whispered in his brother’s ear.

But it was all worth it because Steve used his knowledge of the building and cameras to find corners where they could finally have it out. Make-out, groping, filthy words, and a heated look had them both forgetting the world around them. Steve even got on his knees and finally tasted the cock that has haunted his dreams. He couldn’t take it all in but he definitely savored it as well as the younger man’s groans and moans of pleasure. The glucking sound filled the space and had them both on edge, it was a filthy sound. A part of Steve loved the clear power dynamic, being on his knees, the weight on his tongue, how filled his mouth was, and the sound from his lover, it was all euphoric.

‘It’s perfect,’ he couldn’t help but think as his mind became fuzzy and quiet.

“God, doll, you’re amazing,” Buck declared with the same reverence that Steve heard every time the man praised him, even when he called him slutty.

‘How does he make every word sound like a praise?!’

“Steve, I’m going to…” that was the only warning he got before his hair was grabbed tightly and his face slammed until his nose was buried into dark blond pubs, choking him and making his eyes widened as he felt the younger man’s cum gush down his throat.

The feeling of the cum just being pour down his throat, of being grabbed so roughly and his face fucked like he was nothing more than a, “doll”  as the man called him, it was all amazing and had him so delirious his eyes rolled back. Then he felt something push against his hard cock and Steve moaned into the cock that was still in his mouth almost as if Steve was its sleeve keeping it warm. The pressure on his cock continued, rubbing his clothed hard cock before it pushed it and that was when Steve realized that was Buck’s foot basically rubbing and stepping on his cock.

‘That should feel degrading,’

“Come on doll, don’t hurt my feelings and let me cum alone,” with one firm press of the younger man’s feet, Steve came with a moan that was muffled and almost had him choking. Again he felt embarrassed until the blonde’s praise made him once more feel like this was something he should be proud of. “You are simply amazing, doll,” Steve gave a soft smile that was no doubt dopey but he didn’t care because there was no judgement or disgust in Buck’s eyes, there was only affection and admiration in the blonde’s soft smile.

“You are so perfect,” the younger man caressed his face. “Impossible to resist,” with those words the younger man started moving away until the cock left Steve lips with an obscene pop.

Steve was a little disappointed as his mouth felt so empty now that the cock was gone but said nothing although he wasn’t sure he even could since his throat felt raw. Despite the hard panting, he almost wanted to cock back in his mouth. Buck led him away, but Steve wasn’t sure where because he was still so floaty. He was sat in a closed toilet and tenderly cleaned, a soft kiss placed on his forehead made Steve feel like he’s the one getting the better end of the deal. 

Although they had many encounters, the two men have not gone all the way, not for lack of wanting to or trying but mainly because they never had the time to do so. They could only sneak in quickies and fucking was something they both couldn’t make themselves do in a few seconds. But it wasn’t easy, Steve was so horny that he was almost fingering himself daily; he was sure that with all the stretching he’s been doing, if they ever got the chance to fuck again, the blond wouldn’t even need to stretch him. He was also religiously keeping himself clean ever since the time that Buck spanked his ass and whispered, “god, what I wouldn’t give to taste this cake.”

His ‘relationship’ with Buck was not without its problems, the biggest being the guilt that Steve felt from how much he wasn’t ashamed about what they were doing or even wanted to stop despite knowing he should. He had been avoiding Catherine because he couldn’t look the woman in the eyes. At first, it was easy as the woman was constantly busy but then Catherine seemed to finally see beyond her hero worship of Doris to notice anything around her. There was no denying that the woman was observant, “when she wants to be,” he ignored Danny’s sneered words.

“Steve, what’s going on?” He wasn’t surprised that the woman noticed he was avoiding her.

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“You’ve been avoiding me,” the woman didn’t back down and Steve didn’t expect her to since her determination was something he loved about her.

“Have I? How would you know?” He couldn’t help but shoot back with the spite that had been building up for months. “You’ve been so busy with mom, I’m surprised you’ve even noticed anything about me.”

He knew it sounded whiny but seeing Catherine roll her eyes as if he was just being neurotic and insecure, hurt. It made him feel more humiliated than being on his knees with a cock fucking his mouth while a foot jerked him off. Steve remembered the soft smile, the praises and the tender touch as he was caressed and meticulously cleaned. He couldn’t help but compare as he watched his supposed girlfriend or partner, just wave his feelings away.

“Not this again,” the woman groaned. “Steve, when did you get so sensitive? Or is it more like manipulative?” the woman asked with a disappointed look that had him stepping back.

“Manipulative? How am I being manipulative?” He was alarmed and confused by this declaration.

“Because you knew how important my job and professional aspirations were for me,” Catherine’s voice got louder and more agitated. “You knew from the moment you met me that I would never be the type of woman to let herself be settled down,” the way she said that made it sound like he was trying to tie her down and imprison her in his house.

“I know that and I never said I was trying to…” he tried to explain but the woman cut him off before he could.

“But you are! You think I haven’t noticed how domestic you try to make everything we do?!” 

Steve was so confused because while he had been doing more dinners at home and planning more dates within the house, it had never been his intention to make it seem like he was forcing Catherine into a domestic life. ‘Haven’t you?’ a voice asked as it reminded him about the ring he had hidden in his room. 

“When a man is focused on his career, he’s ambitious and admirable but when a woman is the same, she’s selfish and wrong,” Catherine continued, “I knew the world was like this but I was sure that you weren’t.” 

“Catherine,” the woman sounded so hurt and disappointed that Steve felt horrible. “I swear this had nothing to do with your career or aspirations.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just want to know what we are,” he finally admitted, it’s been killing him not to know if they were together or not, if their ‘break’ meant complete break-up or together but giving each other space. He needed to know if he’s been cheating or ‘you can continue opening your legs for your best friend’s younger brother,’ a voice unhelpfully chimed in.

“God, Steve, is this it?” Catherine exclaimed with a groan as if she was frustrated and annoyed with the situation. “You’re acting like a child because of that,” the woman huffed, turning away from him as if asking for strength to deal with him, it was not a nice feeling. “Look,” the woman turned back and her eyes softer, it reminded him of the Catherine he fell in love with. “I value your friendship more than anything and right now I can’t think about anything else, okay, so can you please just be supportive?”

“Of course I will always support you but…” he tried because once again her words were ambiguous, he was starting to wonder if she knew this and did this on purpose to, as Danny said, keep him sprung. 

“Good, then can we go back to acting like adults and not teenagers.”

“I just want to know where we stand,” Steve declared. 

“We stand where we always did, supporting each other, no questions needed.” Catherine once more didn’t outright answer his question or clarified anything.

Steve almost flinched as all the times he had called in favors from the woman were thrown in his face. He knew that he’s been selfish and he’s felt horrible for it which was why he always made sure to be there for her. The woman placed a soft kiss on his cheek but when Steve tried to make it something more, the woman stepped back and walked away. A tap on his shoulder just added to the mix signals of being friends or lover.

“We’re good,” outside Catherine spoke to someone on the phone. “No worries, I took care of it. He doesn’t suspect a thing, I’ll make sure it stays that way.”

Chapter Text

Steve has a serious problem, a problem that he’s never had before, a problem that had him in a bathroom stall at work, his pants at his ankles, bent over and leg spread slightly while his hands covered his mouth to stop the sounds of pleasure from filling the space as a tongue practically fucked him and mapped out his insides. ‘How did I end up like this?’ He knew how, the man behind him was getting harder and harder to resist and apparently he had been so sexually repressed that it only took a look to get him to take off his pants and bend over.

This started earlier in the day, Steve had been in a bad mood after his talk with Catherine. It didn’t help that he spoke to Danny about it and the man didn’t have anything nice to say about the matter or the woman. “You know that she’s gaslighting you, I want to say that it’s taking a page out of Doris’ handbook but Catherine has done it before Doris’s influence got to her.” That was when Steve learned that Danny didn’t like Catherine as much as he thought the man did. 

Steve always thought that Danny supported their relationship and even liked Catherine or at least thought that the woman was too good for Steve. He made snide remarks but for the most part he complimented the woman and their relationship. “Babe, you know I was messing with you, right?” Danny said softly which made Steve feel like some fragile victim about to break. 

‘No, I didn’t,’ he thought but couldn’t make himself say it out loud because he wasn’t ready to deal with the sympathy in Danny’s eyes.

That being said, not addressing his concern and ignoring it, meant that he was in a bad and snappy mood. Danny was the only one that knew the reason for it and Steve was happy that his friend didn’t share this with the others. His team was patient and understanding which reminded Steve that he was so lucky, just that made him feel better. Then his mother called him demanding that he get her information of someone that was blackmailing her.

“Steve, if I want to be able to return to you guys, I need to tie up all loose ends,” the woman pleaded softly and Steve just promised to look into it just to get her to hang up.

He kept himself in his office trying to ignore the world and distract himself so he didn’t even notice when they got a visitor that at this point should no longer be considered a visitor or guest. “Hey,” at least not until a familiar voice called him. Looking up Steve was surprised to see a smiling yet timid Buck at the door to his office. “I brought some oatmeal cookies and some homemade energy and protein bars.”

“Energy bars?” That was the only thing that Steve could say, he was still a little distracted by those eyes and that face.

“Yeah, I figure I should pull back the amount of sweets I bring, also Danny told me that you all had a long day of paperwork so I figured you would want some energy,” as he spoke, the younger man walked further into the office, looking around like a curious little boy. His eyes seemed to glow at Steve’s models and Steve almost smiled at the child-like joy. The younger man walked over and around his desk, passing Steve as he stared at the model behind his desk.

Steve closed his eyes as the man’s scent hit him, it wasn’t something powerful or strong, it might even be basic body wash but to Steve that precisely made it so irresistible. “Do I smell good, doll ?” That word was whispered but Steve heard it and he couldn’t hide his shiver. He nodded before he realized that he was, the younger man chuckled but said nothing else. They stayed silent in each other’s presence, Buck looking at the models and Steve trying but failing to do any work.

“Hey Steve, stop trying to distract my little brother with your toys,” it was almost comfortable until Danny interrupted.

“Danno, you can’t blame me if I’m more interesting,” Steve shrugged with a smug smile.

The two friends began to bicker and Buck was forgotten. The younger man still found it hard to believe that there was absolutely no romantic feelings between these two men. They were so endgame, soulmates-coded that it was hard to believe that there would ever be anyone more important in their lives than each other. The thought that he would never have even a friendship like that, dimmed his mood. He thought about Eddie and the man’s last message to him which made it clear there was no going back to how they were. 

‘Let’s not even talk about the romantic side.’ He walked out of the office, leaving the friends to argue and smiled almost sadly as the two men barely even noticed he was gone.

“Got tired of the Steve and Danny show?” Buck turned to see Lou giving him a knowing smile.

“Nah, I just worried I might get hit by friendly fire,” Buck declared with a pretend concern expression.

“Been there,” Kono chimed in with a shiver of her own.

This turned into a conversation about why Kono refers to them as mom and dad, they shared the hijinks and best arguments with Buck. They do make him laugh until it draws the attention of the two men they were talking about. Danny goes on one of his rants about his coworkers being nosey and talking behind his back. The blond man’s wild gestures and loud words had everyone’s attention so they didn’t even notice when Steve left for the bathroom.

“Hey guys, I should head back,” Buck did get their attention when he said his goodbyes. “I promised I would call Maddie,” he smiled as he heard Danny’s voice still scolding everyone about badmouthing him to his brother.

This meant that they didn’t notice when he turned away from the elevator and headed towards the stairs where the bathroom was. He smirked as he opened the door and saw that his target was washing his hands. Buck walked over and waited until Steve looked up and noticed his presence, once he did, Buck grabbed him and pulled him into a stall. The older man, despite his build, just let himself be pulled, ‘didn’t even try to struggle.’

“You’re so willing,” Buck began caressing the man, whispering in his ear. The younger man’s back was to the door with Steve’s back against his chest.

“We really shouldn’t,” the older man weakly declared but made no efforts to try and pull back or stop Buck which they both know he could’ve.

Instead of answering, Buck placed soft kisses on the man’s neck, never really leaving a mark although they both wanted to. He took the bottom part of the older man’s ear in his mouth and sucked, getting a breathy sigh from the man. “But we both know that you need it, right?” Buck finally spoke and he could see a look of confusion in the man’s eyes.

Steve was confused by the young man’s words but then the man was unzipping his pants and pulling them down along with his underwear so his confusion was forgotten. The breeze made Steve shiver but he had no time to think, process or even protest as the man bent him over. “Close the seat and place your hands on the lid,” he was ordered and again he did as he was told without even thinking about it or realizing that he was doing it.

“So good for me,” the younger man groaned, squeezing Steve’s ass. The slaps surprised him and he almost jumped but Buck just chuckled.

Steve wondered if the younger man was about to fuck him, as much as he knew that they shouldn’t, Steve desperately wanted them too, especially today. For the next few seconds, Buck just caresses his skin, squeezing and slapping it. His fingers run down the crack, the tips touching the balls making Steve moan softly. “Oh boy, we might have some problems,” the younger man pulled back and Steve whined.

“Don’t worry, doll. I know you need this,” Buck declared once more and Steve again was confused, he wondered if it’s an arrogant ‘I have you wrapped around my fingers’ thing.

Buck turned him around so that Steve was facing the door, he leaned Steve against it until his head was touching the cool metal. His ass was pulled back until he was almost bent at a right angle. A finger soon pushed against the ring of muscles, a wet finger and Steve moaned at the realization that the younger blond might have used his own saliva to wet those fingers. ‘Fuck, that shouldn’t be such a turn on.’ 

He should be embarrassed by how easily that finger slid in, “Oh, someone’s been having fun without me. Should I be jealous?” The finger began fucking him almost experimentally, slow but still firm. “Tell me, doll, who’s been stretching you so nicely?” The man asked as a second finger also entered with ease. Those fingers hit deeper than his own fingers and it felt so amazing that Steve had a hard time thinking let alone talking.

“I…”

“What was that?” the man teased in his ear just as those fingers graced his prostate. 

“Fuck,” Steve moaned.

“Answer me!” 

“It was me, I finger myself every night!” Steve finally exploded and his words were greeted with silence, he felt embarrassed until he felt a sharp bite to his ear.

“Damn, doll! That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard,” Buck’s voice sounded just as wrecked as Steve. “Tell me you thought only of me.”

“Yes, just you,” Steve happily admitted as the blonde’s fingers continued fucking him.

“Oh, you deserve a reward for that,” contrary to his words, Buck pulled his fingers out which made him whine but Steve couldn’t care.

He didn't know what was going on but soon he felt two hands spread his cheeks. The cool air on his exposed hole made him shiver again but the air wasn’t there for long. Steve’s eyes widened as he felt something wet, soft yet bumpy touch his hole. ‘Is he…?’ The tongue lathered his hole like it was a delicious treat that it couldn’t get enough of.

Steve has never been rimmed before and he had always thought the idea sounded gross or uncomfortable. He didn’t expect to lose his mind over it, especially when that tongue dove in and wiggle its way inside like a vibrator. Steve could feel his toes curl in his shoes, at some point he had to cover his mouth supporting himself just from his head on the stall’s door so if the door was open he would just fall through but he didn’t care.

The tongue wiggled and moved to the point that Steve wondered if it was abnormally long or he was just losing his mind. The slurping sound and the fingers gripping his ass cheeks so tight they would leave a mark, had Steve weak in the knees. Then he heard the door to the bathroom open and his eyes widened because Buck wasn’t stopping, he was just going slower to not make a sound.

“You good, Steve?” Even worse, that was Danny’s voice; he knew that he had to talk because if he doesn’t Danny would get worried but if he opened his mouth he’s sure that only a moan would come out.

Buck seemed to take pity on him because his tongue stopped, pulled back, making Steve whine into his hands. The left hand on his ass squeezed and he knew it was telling him to talk, “Yeah…” he took a deep breath and cleared his voice as even to him the word came out whiny. “Yeah, I’m good, no worries Danno.” His words were greeted by silence and they could hear Danny moving around but before he left, Steve’s eyes widened as Buck dove back into eating his ass.

“Fuck,” fortunately that word was muffled by his hands and it happened at the time he heard the door open and close. “Oh god, we almost got caught,” he moaned as he looked through the edge to make sure Danny was really gone.

“Do you want me to stop?” His hole felt empty as those words were said and that voice was lower than normal.

“No,” Steve doesn’t even think about it and Buck goes back to eating him out. The man then played with his balls and Steve was a goner, he moaned so loud into his hands that if anyone had been in the bathroom they would’ve known what they were doing. But Steve didn’t care because his knees trembled and his vision blanked out as he had one of the most mind-numbing orgasms in his life.

“Buck!” that was also muffled but they both understood it.

The tongue pulled out and Steve heard the man behind him lick his lips. He was sure that he was going to fall but hands on his hips pulled him back and suddenly he was sitting on the younger man’s lap. “How was that?” The man asked in his ear and Steve just made a whiny, moaning sound that was embarrassing but he didn’t care. “I’ll take that as it was good,” the younger man chuckled and he sounded far too satisfied to Steve.

They just stayed there, the arm on his waist was firm, comforting weight as Steve got his breathing under control. “Are you feeling better?” That question confused him and this time Buck clarified a little more, “you looked really tense earlier in your office, I thought you could use a treat,” and then it hit Steve that Buck had gone to his office because he had been worried about him. “You looked like you were carrying the weight of the world.”

“What and you wanted to help me?” he winced at how skeptical and sarcastic that came out.

“Nah, you have a whole crew that would happily help you,” Buck declared, “I’m just happy to distract you and take care of you when you need it. My specialty is usually support,” the younger man teased.

“What are you IT?” 

Steve joked but the blonde’s words hit him harder than the young man probably intended it to. It was all so considerate and caring, they were literal strangers and this man was so willing to take care of him or ease his tension no questions asked. It was jarring and hard when he remembered that his mother and his girlfriend couldn’t seem to be bothered to care enough to even notice most times. Everything with them had been about how and when he could help them. If he wanted to speak about more, about feelings, then he was too sentimental or immature. 

“Good, then can we go back to acting like adults and not teenagers.”

“Why do you care?” Steve had to ask, the small ‘even my family doesn’t care’ was left unsaid but he felt it. In his life, nothing was given to him without him having to give something in return.

“I’ve never really needed a reason to care about others, others were usually the ones that needed a reason to care about me or me to care about them because to them someone like me just couldn’t care to simply just care.” There was such a resigned and sad tone that made Steve feel horrible for possibly triggering what clearly was a trauma.

“I didn’t mean,” Steve tried to speak but Buck just gave a bittersweet chuckle.

“No worries, I long ago stopped expecting people to be different. Still, we should probably stop this,” Buck’s voice sounded sheepish. “Before it eventually gets awkward.”

“You mean like you eating me out while your brother was on the other side?”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I have a slight exhibitionism kink and couldn’t help myself, I actually didn’t realize it was Danny at first.”

They sit there for a few more seconds before Steve gets up and pulled up his pants. The energy around them was awkward, “should I…?” Steve tried to offer but Buck just shook his head with a smile. They both stepped forward, washing their hands in silence, neither were sure what to say. They both agreed that they had to stop this before it became something more and bulldozed through everyone and everything in their path.

L.A   

A few week earlier

The dark cloud that had covered the 118 had yet to dissipate, it just seemed to grow darker and more oppressive. The tension infected everyone, making them irritable and snappy. Everyone was constantly short-tempered or in a bad mood that spread outside the station infecting their friends and family. It was a strange phenomenon, an epidemic of annoyance and frustration that spread faster than any sickness ever could.

This phenomenon had only one cause, the absence of a normally happy and bright energy that had always been there like the sun in a warm spring day, not as oppressing and hot as in summer but not as seemingly useless as in winter. At first, most ignored it and refused to acknowledge the reason for the sudden cloud but after Maddie snapped at them and Athena’s lecture it was hard to ignore it.

“It’s kind of quiet without someone ranting about random facts,” a male firefighter declared softly, looking around at all the gloomy faces doing their own thing. Missing was the camaraderie that once made the station such a great place to work in. 

“You guys are giving too much power to one person,” another man sneered.

“This isn’t about giving them power, this tension isn’t even about him,” a female firefighter chimed in, rolling her eyes. “It’s about what his departure exposed, he was like the wind that blew the carpet up and we finally saw that the floor underneath might actually be rotten not just dirty.”

“Things aren’t that bad,” someone tried to interject but even to them the words and tone was unconvincing.

The truth of the matter was that things were worse, especially after they found out that Buck actually left L.A. Before, Chimney was snarking at everyone with jokes that were more cruel than funny, Hen was quiet yet irritable, seeing issues and mistakes in everything people did and god forbid that anyone gets closed to the ambulance; the paramedics in A-shift had a it worse as they could never seem to refill the ambulance ‘right’ which infuriated the woman. Everyone just heard the cursing and grumbling from the ambulance when the woman arrived.

As for Eddie, everyone was too scared to approach the man with the face that screamed ‘back the fuck off or get punched in the throat’ and everyone listened. Everything made the man angry or snap and his way of snapping was becoming more dangerous and volatile, much more physical and the man seemed to have fist of steel if the dents in Buck’s old locker and a wall was anything to go by. The man has yet to get actually physical with anyone mainly because everyone stood clear especially after David was grabbed and slammed against the wall just for casually mentioning a bruise on the man’s cheek.

They reported things to the captain but, “I’m sure it’s not that bad, we’re all a little tense,” the man seemed to have issues of his own as he waved everything away with a distracted tone. They were sure it had something to do with Athena’s absence, since scolding them, the police woman hasn’t shown her face in the station or on scenes. The crew felt bad for their captain as some even heard rumors that the woman asked for a divorce. Bobby seemed to revert to how he was when he first arrived although some would say that he was much worse.

He seemed not only distant and lost but it was also clear that he was pulling into himself. Gone was the confidence with which he once carried himself, that firm yet kind leadership that made everyone happily follow him. The man seemed almost unsure of himself and his decisions, even their enviable family meals weren’t the same. They still had them but there was more food ordered then home cooked meals and more people opted for taking their food and eating elsewhere. 

When they found out that Buck had left L.A something snapped, it wasn’t just the core four but everyone felt something irrevocably break within the dynamic at the station. Some people even began filing for transfers which got the attention of the chief. Bobby was pulled into a meeting with the man who was not pleased.

“What the hell is going on in the 118, Nash?” The man demanded, his tone authoritative and hard.

“Sir?”

“I have five people requesting transfers, listing the work environment as the reason for it. Want to explain?” The man stared sternly at the captain that seemed both confused yet not surprised, which told the chief that the man was aware there was a problem, he just didn’t know about the transfers.

“Sir, tensions have just been high since Buckley filed the lawsuit,” the chief simply rolled his eyes. There was nothing worse than a leader who more easily passed the blame onto others than assume responsibility whether the actions were his or not.

“The lawsuit was months ago and Buckley is not in the station. I don't think that he’s the reason that people are wanting to transfer due to the work environment.”

“Well, a lot of people feel betrayed and we can’t blame them, what Buck did…” Bobby sighed like a disappointed father. “They are cautious, they feel like they can’t be open or trust that their things wouldn’t be shared…” The captain declared with a shrug that infuriated the chief.

“Enough!” The chief slammed his fist on the desk filling the office with a loud boom. “This is not how a captain and leader behaves, how can a station captain act like a child and I genuinely didn’t think anyone would be more embarrassing than Gerrard but here you are.”

This time it was the chief’s turn to sigh, massaging his temple as he felt a headache coming along. He genuinely thought that Bobby Nash was a good captain, even one of his best but the man had an issue that the chief wasn’t sure about. When this lawsuit business first started, he blamed Buckley for the headache but he couldn’t help and silently thank the young man for exposing a bigger issue. The 118 was one of his best performing stations, when he bragged to the chiefs in other states, the 118 was one of the stations he included or used as an example. Now, he was realizing that the station was just a make-up covered, heavily broken vase.

Part of him just wanted to scrap the whole station and split everyone up, ‘the city has been hounding for budget cuts so it would make things easier.’ But the talent those in the station had wasn’t a lie and the chief was positive that the 118 could be the star that he had bragged about them being. But he wondered if it was worth putting in the work, it sounded like everyone needed some serious therapy, starting with their captain.

“I’m placing you on suspension,”

“Sir!”

“You are only to be allowed back in your position after going through mandatory therapy and being approved by set therapist,” the man continued sternly, cutting off the man’s protest. “This goes for all those in B-shift which seems to be where most of the issues stem from.” 

“Sir, I don’t think that’s necessary,” Bobby intervened, “Buckley was…”

“If you mention Buckley one more time, I will retire you Captain Nash, at least from working in any first station in California,” the man threatened with  the look of a parent that has had enough of their child’s disrespect and rebellion. “Buckley is not the problem and we both know that Buckley was never the problem. If anyone in the 118 B-shift wants to continue working in the LAFD then they need to go through a psych evaluation and be approved by a therapist or find a new career option, is that clear?”

“I understand,” the captain declared but it was clear that he was not pleased.

“Look, Nash,” the chief’s tone softened, “I genuinely think you are a great captain and your crew is very talented but something is keeping you guys from reaching your full potential both as a captain and as a station. Figure out what that is and get back to me.”

Eddie found out that Buck left L.A after, in his moment of weakness, he rushed to the man’s loft just desperately needing someone. He knocked but the blond didn’t answer, in his desperation this made him angry. He regretted throwing the key the man gave him back in his face, he went through all the stages. Eddie negotiated, he ranted, he snarled, he insulted and sneered until finally he pleaded. It was one of Buck’s neighbors that came out and told him those dreaded words, “I don’t think he lives there any more.

He had been stunned and a little hurt that Buck didn’t tell him that he was going to move, ‘did you even give him a chance to say ‘hi’ to you?! When would he have time to tell you he was moving, that sounds like he would be making things about him , it would be exhausting .’ A voice that sounded like his sisters sneered in his head, reminding him that Eddie was the one maintaining the distance between them.

Buck might have caused it with the lawsuit but Eddie was the one fueling and feeding the separation. He fell to the floor in front of the door and cried, almost like a string snapped. It felt like another thing that life was throwing at him, another crushing weight. And that was the last that he could take, the armor that he had so zealously put on and kept, the one that over time had become cracked and broken in some places finally crumbled, leaving Eddie weakly and vulnerably exposed.

He doesn’t know how he got home, he didn’t even see the L.A streets, all he saw was sand, open plains, dried plants and no signs of life anywhere. He felt the burning heat; was suffocated by the humidity yet at the same time he felt right at home. Arriving home, he barely checked on Christopher before he collapsed and all he saw were memories of gun fire, screams, blood and explosions. 

“Dad, dad, I’m going to be late,” someone was shaking him, dragging him away from the nightmares. He just barely stopped himself from reacting like a soldier in a warzone being woken up by the enemy.

‘This is my son, my reason for living,’

The days that followed were a serious blur, he wasn’t sure what he did or said; the only time that he was coherent was while on a scene because that was his job, it was muscle memory that was still in him from his time in service. It was also the only time he felt stable, at a scene was the only time that he felt that he had a purpose, that he could actually do something right. He didn’t feel like a failure, ‘until I lose someone.’

The other time he was coherent was during fights, ‘yes, fights,’ plural because one just wasn’t cutting it. He could no longer ignore that he returned to a world that no longer needed him, a world that changed and continued to change far faster than he could keep up with, a world in which he was obsolete, just another face in the crowd. It was not that he wanted to be some star but it just seemed like everyone was at least hanging on while Eddie could barely reach the bar.

His days were filled with rescues and his nights were filled with flying fists and blood, both giving him a different kind of adrenaline. Eddie felt like an empty shell of who and what he was supposed to be. He didn’t want to die but he was seriously questioning why he was alive, why he had survived when others hadn’t. Eddie thought of some of his brothers and sisters in arms, about how they had so much to look forward to yet by a twist of fate the one that survived was a deadbeat father, failure of a son and selfish husband.

He remembered a female soldier who talked about being a legacy, “there was no doubt that I was going to enlist, it was this or destroy my family’s legacy.” She was also the first woman in the family to enlist as the ‘tradition’ only passed down to the sons but she had no brothers so it was up to her to carry out. Eddie thought it was messed up to force your child to do something that could get them killed just so you can brag about it to strangers.

“Nah, I don’t mind. Plus this only means that I won’t have to worry about school, medicine is expensive.”

“What field?”

“Oncology, it’s about time someone cured it instead of just treating it.”

They spend a lot of time together and  he learned that instead of being a soldier, she had wanted to be a doctor and had been studying medicine when she enlisted or was made to enlist. The woman had been the one to train him as a medic. Sergeant First Class Celeste Jackson-Barone, “just call me Kali, it’s what my mom wanted to call me before my dad’s family decided it was ‘too much’ for a little girl, at least the Italian side, the black side though it was great.” The woman had been unbelievably sarcastic and witty, she clearly loved her family as she constantly talked about her mother, father and sister. 

With his own issues with his own family he was amazed that she also respected the rest of her family, no matter how much they pressure her or seem to want her to be like they thought she should be. It would always infuriate him when his father judged and tried to force him to do what he wanted, like the time he got Eddie to take dance lessons then took it too far when Eddie began to enjoy it, or all the passive aggressive comments that his mother made that made him feel horrible about his choices until he changed them. But maybe not everyone has parents like his or was as messed up as  his family, although to the woman’s credit she complained a lot about her father’s side.

“How many ethnicities do you have?!”

“My mother is Indian, my father is where it gets tricky, his ‘legacy’ was full Italian but my grandfather broke tradition and fell madly in love with a beautiful African-American waitress that he met while stationed in Georgia.  so we’re a little darker than the rest of my family, which was always fun,” she grimaced. “Why do you think I added the Jackson part to my name. It's my grandmother’s maiden name and it explains why I look like a black girl but have an Italian name and a hindu nickname.” The sarcasm in her voice was so thick that it made Eddie laugh.

In his first years, Eddie was a wreck like any newbie being thrown into a warzone. Kali was a breath of fresh air  and kept him grounded, teaching him all he needed to know. They would sit together when they had a break and just talk about everything and anything. One thing Eddie never understood was how she could be so respectful and affectionate with her family when the more she talked about it, the more they sounded as toxic and as stuck in their old ways as his. 

“The trick is realizing that at this point they're never going to change, I think we all get too stuck on believing that we are somehow the ‘chosen one’ that will change years of fucked up traditions, mentality, and ignorance. Harry Potter you ain’t.” She was very laid back and didn’t seem to let anything bother her.

He smiled as he remembered how they bonded over their protective nature and often blunt honesty, ‘at least with others,’ something that was pointed out a lot to him. “You know Diaz, you lie to yourself a lot so much so that when you tell others about yourself, you don’t even realize that you’re lying because you already convinced yourself that it was true.” Eddie could almost see the woman smiling at him, she would no doubt tease him for being such a mess. 

Eddie got up and walked over to his closet, he pulled a drawer where he kept his army stuff. He ignored the metals that he did not deserve and anything else, underneath it all he pulled the Sergeant First Class patch that had suspiciously dark stains. He felt his eyes cloud with tears as he remembered those eyes that had always been happy and bright, slowly dim yet even in that moment the owner of those eyes had just smiled at him, “it’s okay Diaz, we all came prepared for this.”

Kali had a father she wanted to make proud, a little sister she wanted to protect since their mother died, a legacy she respected enough to maintain, ‘the woman wanted to cure cancer for fuck sakes!’ She had all the reasons to live yet in the moment of her death all she thought about was Eddie and easing his guilt. But no one could ease his guilt because while the helicopter could be argued as not being his fault, Kali’s death couldn’t.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ he begged the woman to forgive him for killing her. ‘I shouldn’t be here, you should be here, Shannon should be here, Greggs should be here,’ at this point, Eddie was sobbing on the floor as he held the patch close to his chest.

“WHY DO YOU KEEP SAVING ME AND NOT THEM?!” Eddie exclaimed, hoping that someone would give him an answer. He doubted that it would calm the rage he felt inside at surviving so much when others didn’t survive so little. It almost felt like a curse, he had to survive while others died, stuck in a world in which he didn’t feel like he belonged.

His skin suddenly felt like it was on fire and a restless energy threatened to drive him insane. He immediately thought about scheduling a fight for tonight but then he remembered there was no fight. His breathing sped up and his heart beat so fast he wondered if he was having a heart attack. He needed this feeling to stop, to distract himself with something. The phone rang but no one picked up, it rang again and no one picked up, and again.

“Dammit Buck, pick up the phone! I need you!” He both pleaded and demanded, he needed the blond man to take his mind out of the oppressive and suffocating feeling that has hung around him ever since Kali’s death and only seemed to get stronger. Hearing Buck ramble or rant about random things or just his own problems had always helped him ignore that feeling and push it away. That was how their friendship worked, Buck was the talker and Eddie was the listener.

‘Then why did you berate him for always thinking about himself?’ A voice that sounded like Kali asked.

“Shut up!” The question just made him more desperate to talk to Buck. Finally, the blond man answered and Eddie almost let out a sigh of relief.

“Finally! First you beg me to talk and now you’re ignoring me when I do,” Eddie sneered before wincing. He didn’t want to snap at the man, he doesn’t know what comes over him when he speaks with the blond man.

‘Maybe he’s just the easiest target to direct your anger on. He will always forgive you and he has too many abandonment issues to fully leave you so you feel safe to unload your anger on him even if he and Christopher might be the only ones that are never the cause of your anger.’ Again Kali’s voice chimed in and Eddie felt his eye twitch, ‘Is this going to become a thing?’ He wondered sarcastically although he feared that thinking about the woman may have opened a Pandora's box.

“Oh, now you’re not talking,” Eddie taunted the man that had been silent this whole time. “You cry and whine about others leaving you but as soon as things get too hard and no one has time for your tantrums, you run away. That’s so typical Buck…”

“Shut the fuck up,” that was definitely not Buck’s voice.

“Who’s this?! Where is Buck?!”

“Oh, now you care, after not even greeting him before you began your rant there,” the male voice on the other side sneered, there was a heavy jersey accent to the voice which confused Eddie.

‘Did Buck get a boyfriend?’

“Who is this? I’m warning you, if you don’t put Buck on the phone…”

“You’ll what?” The other man taunted, which only pissed Eddie off even more. “You ain’t going to do shit, and you know why, because you are so far past a mess that you are a completely whole new category of mess up. You need some fucking help!”

“Put Buck on the phone,” Eddie demanded through gritted teeth.

“No! You ain’t speaking to Buck now or ever as long as you don’t get whatever you want Buck to carry for you, checked. That is not how friendships work, you don’t just unload your trauma on your friend and expect them to carry it while you go on in life skipping and fucking smelling the roses.”

“You don’t know anything about me and Buck.”

“I know enough to see that it’s extremely one-sided because you are too fucked up to be a friend -let alone a good friend- and he has too low a self-esteem to place boundaries which even if he did you would probably just barrel through them.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Buck has his own fucking issues to deal with so until you’re not just adding more to his already alarming pile, you ain’t talking to him.”

“What, you can’t do that!”

“I can and I will, if I see one more call from you I will block your number, as I said before, get some fucking help!”

Just like that the call ended and Eddie was left speechless and confused. He felt a rising panic within him but he pushed it back as he always did because Edmundo Diaz did not panic. Eddie was sure that someone stole Buck’s phone or something happened to the younger man. He decided to call Maddie before taking drastic measures.

‘I’ll get to the bottom of this,’ he thought with determination. ‘ And then what? ’ He didn’t have a response to that.

Chapter Text

Hawaii           

Danny was not proud of his actions, they were definitely taken from the Steve’s possessive, controlling, ‘I always know best’ Super SEAL handbook but he couldn’t make himself regret them or take them back even as set man smirked at him smugly. “Shut up,” he snapped at the man that was far too pleased for his own good. 

“I didn’t say anything,” the Navy SEAL commander just shrugged. It was clear that he was pleased, but anyone would be if their best friend who constantly criticized their poor decisions suddenly came to them so they could help them make a poor decision.

‘How the mighty have fallen,’ Steve thought.

He had been having his morning swim when he was greeted by an agitated Danny waiting for him at the beach, looking like those short and stocky, angry pitbulls. ‘What did I do this time?’ He tried to go through everything he had done so far and couldn’t think of anything. If Danny had found out about his thing with Buck then the short blond wouldn’t be so restrained. ‘So what is it?’

Steve almost wanted to keep swimming and agitate the shorter man more but decided to just rip off the Band-Aid. “Hey Danno,” but before he could fully speak or completely get out of the water, the blond cut him off.

“I need you to help me clone a phone,” Danny demanded with a fire in his eyes.

“Uh…Okay,” he was so confused but this was his best friend so of course there was only one logical response. “I need the actual phone,” this made Danny actually wince and Steve was once again intrigued.

“That might be difficult.”

“Danny, who’s phone do you want to clone and why?”

“Buck’s and I need to monitor a pest that keeps bothering him.”

‘Oh fuck,’ Steve could only think, ‘is he suspicious about me and Buck? No, he wouldn’t have come to me. Unless this is a test and if I refuse it would confirm his suspicion, in that case,’

“Sure, I’ll do it.”

Steve was not sure what he was doing but he felt guilty doing it. “Another one?” He looked up to the bartender who was different from the one he remembered the last time and nodded. Looking around he scoffed, the decor was still the same; just as crappy as before. Part of him thought that he had made it out to be worse than it was but turned out it actually was as worse as he remembered. This was the bar where he first met Buck or Evan as the younger man introduced himself at the time.

Why was he back you ask?

“Hey Steve, did you wait long?” Steve turned around to see soft bright eyes and a sheepish smile topped by blond curls.

‘That’s why,’

When he spoke with Danny earlier about cloning the younger man’s phone, Steve didn’t expect to end up here. ‘Hell, I didn’t even plan it,’ he couldn’t help but marvel at how things worked. ‘At least not at first,’ and that was why he was guilty, because in everyone else’s eyes this was an innocent gesture to help a young man out but for him it was anything but.

‘So that’s what a scumbag feels like,’ he thought sarcastically as Buck smiled and sat down beside him.

A few hours earlier 

“Danny, why do you want to clone your new younger brother’s phone? Emphasis on new .”

The two friends had taken their conversation inside, as Steve got dried and dressed he formulated a plan in case Danny knew or suspected. The main thing was to gather information so he came back to his friend making himself at home in Steve’s kitchen. The SEAL kept his expression teasing and casual as he asked the question he needed to know. The short blond was so angrily scrabbling eggs that Steve was sure were supposed to be sunny side up. He knew this because Danny always preferred whole fried egg to scramble, the only ‘scramble’ eggs he liked were in a frittata.

“And what does the eggs have to do with it,” Steve joked because Danny was stabbing the eggs like they personally did him wrong. The SEAL was worried that he would break the pan.

“Hahaha, hilarious,” Danny snarled but at this point in their relationship that tone no longer affected Steve.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Turns out having crazy best friends is a family trait,” Danny finally declared with an exasperated sigh. The short blond proceeded to explain the situation between Eddie and Buck to Steve, he told him about his recent call with Eddie and how the man had been calling almost nonstop. “It’s getting annoying, I mean it was annoying before but now I can almost see each call bring Buck down.”

“Still, Danny, I don’t think you should…” Steve was cut off by the short blond pulling out his phone.

“Okay, listen to this,”

“Dammit Buck! Stop acting like a child and pick up the phone.”

…

“You wanted me to talk to you, you wanted everything to be about you but when I try to reach out you run away like a pendejo?!”

…

“So our friendship only fucking works when you need me or you need an audience for your drama.”

…

“Come on man, Christopher really misses you. I don’t care if you ignore me but ignoring him is fucked up, even for you.”

Message after message the voice seesaw between berating Buck, pleading to him, gaslighting him or just plain snapping. ‘This is his best friend?!’ Steve was alarmed because that did not sound like the messages of a best friend, no matter how mad they were. He thought about how friendly and caring Buck was, Steve felt something inside him twist and burn at the idea of this man getting anywhere near the younger man. 

In the back of his mind, the SEAL commander in him analyzed the situation a little more. He could hear the break in the man’s voice, he was hoarse as if he had stressed his voice out beyond its capabilities. There was also a vulnerability to his words, this was clearly someone that was suffering.

‘Still,’ Steve thought, feeling angry and indignant. If he were Danny, he wouldn’t want this man anywhere near his brother either.

“That’s…”

“Fucked up, I know!” Danny exclaimed, “I’m pretty sure that the guy has really bad PTSD that has been left to fester and grow.”

“He served?”

“Yeah, Army I think,” Danny shared what he knew about Eddie’s situation.

“And he had a kid; that’s not good, Danno. You know how that could end up if he doesn’t take care of that,” Steve has heard too many stories both on a personal level and a professional level of people that were either too proud, too naive, too ignorant or just too careless with taking care of their mental health even when there were clear signs. 

In the military, the problem was especially prevalent but it was hard since there was this stigma that having issues or getting help was a weakness. In the old wars, especially Vietnam and war world II, so many soldiers came back rattled by all they had seen and all they had to do but they were immediately thrown back into everyday life mainly because the economy and the government wanted their male workforce back. It was like breaking a leg and being forced to run and win a marathon the next day. ‘They mostly fear the power and independence that women were gaining. If women started doing their job then they would need to do some of the women’s jobs and they knew that they wouldn’t be able to handle it.’

“I know,” Danny’s words snapped Steve out of his thoughts. “I told him that he needs help and if he continues, I’m thinking about talking to Maddie -Buck’s sister- so that she could talk to his family and they could get him help. But I still don’t want him to take his frustrations out on Buck.”

“What does Buck think?”

“He’s too kind for his own good, he brushes it off but I’ve seen the teary eyes. It’s clear that he cares about this guy and adores his son but…” Steve could hear Danny’s frustration. 

“I see what you mean,” Steve felt useless, he wasn’t sure what to do in this case. For all that he waves away Danny’s rants about being too violent and shooting first, he really only knew how to solve his problems the Navy SEAL way. “But you need to be careful, this could ruin your relationship with Buck,” Steve explained about how controlling it came across even by his standards.

“I mean I haven’t even done that to my mother,” Steve points out which makes Danny wince. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Steve could be controlling so if he hasn’t done something because it might be too much then that means it’s really bad.

“Then what should I do?”

Steve was again at a loss, all he knew was that at this point in the situation cloning the younger man’s phone was not the best idea. Danny and Buck’s relationship hasn’t developed that far and they haven’t bonded enough for this to be seen as just an older brother being protective. No matter how kind the younger man was, there was no way he wouldn’t be at least hurt if he learned that Danny breached his privacy.

Steve thought about Buck being hurt or crying over those messages and he didn’t like it. He felt his protective instinct roar and he wasn’t sure if it was because he had sex with the man or he was Danny’s brother. ‘Maybe it’s a little bit of both,’ he thought.

“Let me talk to him,” the words suddenly filled the room and Steve was shocked to realize they came from him.

“What, why?” Danny exclaimed with a suspicious look in his eyes. “He’s my brother, wouldn’t it be much better if I talk to him.”

“You being his brother is the problem, he might not want to worry you or make you upset but I’m practically a stranger.”

“Who happens to be his brother’s best friend,” Danny pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

“Still, better than the alternative,” Steve shrugged.

Present   

And that was why Steve might be a scum, while he made the suggestion to genuinely help his best friend and a young man who was struggling, there was a part of him that desperately wanted something else. He had been aching since their last encounter and Catherine being off on some secret mission made it harder to resist the pull towards the younger man. ‘Especially when he smiles at me like that,’ the blond was rambling about Grace and Charlie.

The younger man’s eyes shined with so much affection and tenderness, his smile made his entire face glow. At that moment, he looked so beautiful and Steve couldn’t resist; before he knew what he was doing, he leaned forward and pressed their lips together. It was a light and tender kiss, just their lips touching but it lasted longer than it should, mainly because Steve found it hard to pull away. To his credit, Buck didn’t make an effort to move or push him away either.

“What was that for?” The younger man asked when they finally pulled apart. He didn’t look like he minded and no one was really paying attention to them so Steve couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed.

“I don’t need to forget,” Steve declared, getting a confused puppy look from the younger man. The older SEAL simply leaned forward and whispered, “but you look really cute right now.”

“I…what…” the blond blushed bright red as he stuttered over his words and Steve chuckled, it was hard to believe that this man had rocked his world and so easily continued to do so. “That’s not fair,” Buck pouted and Steve grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away while dropping some bills on the bar.

(AN: Let's keep things fair 😏 This man could give one hell of a smolder 🥵 Buck is very lucky.)

“Get in,” Steve pushed Buck against his truck and got in the driver's side.

It was only as he was driving that he realized he couldn’t take the younger man home since his mother was still roaming around and she was bestie’s with his ex-although he was still not sure-girlfriend. Luckily, he was a horny teenager once so he knew all the best places to go. He drove to a secluded part of the island that wouldn’t draw suspicion and didn’t realize how that would look until he turned to Buck and saw the younger man raise his eyebrow.

“Why are we here?” He didn’t look scared or worried, just intrigued.

Instead of answering Steve leaned over, pushed the passenger seat back and then before the younger man could react straddled his lap. “Oh,” Buck exclaimed as the realization hit him just before Steve crashed their lips together. This kiss was not light or tender like the one at the bar, the two men both kissed with wild desperation. Buck pushed against Steve’s lips with his tongue and the older man happily gave him access inside.

Their tongues twisted together in a passionate dance that neither wanted to put an end to. Steve felt the hands on his back travel down, settling on his hips for a few minutes; once they broke apart and Buck moved his lips to the older man’s neck, those hands traveled lower to settle on Steve’s ass. Steve’s breathing filled the car as his neck was kissed all over, he mentally whined when the younger man didn’t really put any pressure on his kisses because it meant  that there wouldn’t be any marks left behind. The logical part of him knew this was good but the horny side was upset.

Buck’s kisses traveled to the edge of Steve’s shirt and the older man immediately pulled away and took it off, eager to give the younger man more access which Buck happily took. The hands on his ass squeezed the cheeks through Steve’s cargo pants. “Oh,” Buck pulled back, staring at Steve with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. “Someone had plans,” the younger man teased before shoving one of his hands down the back of Steve’s pants and feeling no other layers underneath.

“Buck,” Steve moaned as he felt the man’s hands squeeze his bare ass.

Those nails suddenly dung into the skin and instead of feeling pain, Steve felt his cock harden. He was sure there would be nail marks on his ass and he loved the idea more than he should. “Again,” he practically pleaded, making the younger man smirk.

“It’s kind of hard while you still have pants on,” the younger man sighed with disappointment although there was a glint in his eyes. “Be good and take them off, doll .”

“Fuck,” Steve wasn’t sure how he did it and even when he later asked Buck, the younger man would tell him it was a flurry of movement that almost gave him a black eye and broke a window but he got his pants off which was the important part.

Steve threw the cargo shorts to the backseat and settled back down to straddling the younger man’s lap. Buck smirked as he placed his big hands back on Steve’s bare ass, this time covering more of the flesh. “Should I worry that you like pain?” The younger man asked but still, Steve felt those nails bury themselves in his cheeks again. 

He moaned at the sting, those nails weren’t long or very sharp but they were enough to leave a mark and he loved it. It wasn’t the pain that thrilled him but the mark they were leaving, marks that he could later look at in the mirror and masturbate to. Buck took advantage of his distraction and kissed before biting at the tattoos on Steve’s arm. The older man moaned at the possibility of more of the younger man’s marks being left behind on his body. At this point, his cock was painfully hard and dripping but Steve couldn’t complain because those big hands began to caress his ass and those long fingers slid between his cheeks, dangerously close to his hole.

“Do it,” Steve demanded, “please, do it.”

“What happened to stopping this before it got awkward,” Buck reminded him while his hands landed a sharp slap on Steve’s ass.

“I can’t,” Steve finally admitted out loud what he had been realizing in his head. This man had clearly become an addiction and Steve might be too far gone to quit now. “And you can’t either,” he added confidently because he knew that Buck was in the same boat as him.

Instead of answering, the younger man grabbed his neck and crushed their lips together. But to Steve that was a yes if he ever heard one, he kissed back with a smug smile as if he had won some prize. 

“What do you want, Steve?” Buck asked.

“I need you inside me,” he begged and he should be embarrassed by how needy and desperate it sounded, but ever since their first night they have done nearly everything but fuck. Steve had the man’s fingers and tongue inside him but not his cock and he was going insane with the desire to be filled. He knew that was not what Buck meant but he wasn’t ready to handle that question in any other way.

“As tempting as that is,” Buck declared, spreading his cheeks, “I’m afraid we can’t.”

“Why?”

“Well, this space is too tight and we’re both over six feet,” Buck explained, showing that he could barely even stretch his legs. “And once I’m inside you, I wouldn’t be able to settle for just one round, would we?” the younger man whispered in his ear and Steve moaned.

He was about to say ‘fuck it’ and just take the younger man home but then Buck’s hand wrapped around his cock and began to stroke. “Come on, doll,” the man whispered as his thumb pushed against the head of Steve’s cock. “Don’t leave me hanging,” Buck looked down and it took Steve an embarrassing long time to realize what the younger man meant.

He moaned as he pulled out Buck’s big cock and began to stroke it, it felt thicker than he remembered. ‘God, I really took all of this inside me and I’m still walking,’ Steve couldn’t help but marvel before licking his lips, ‘and I want it in me again.’ He felt himself drool as he remembered the weight of that cock in his mouth. He wanted to taste it but at the same time he didn’t want to let go.

The two men continued to stroke each other, the car filled with their sounds of pleasure as well as light slapping from Buck alternating between slapping Steve’s ass and burying his nails in those cheeks. It was at that moment that the two men realized that there was no giving this up. They both felt a dangerously addictive attraction for each other that made them forget everyone and everything else. Even if it was just sexual chemistry, it was stronger than they ever felt before.

“Buck, I’m about to…” Steve moaned loudly, he was happy he drove to a secluded area.

“Together now,” with a few more strokes and a twist of the wrist from Buck, both men came, coating each other’s hands.

Steve pulled his cum stained hand and liked it clean as if it were covered in melted ice cream. Buck watched him with fire in his eyes, then the younger man lifted his own hand, the one covered in Steve’s cum, up to the older man’s mouth and Steve didn’t even hesitate to lick and suck it clean, tasting his own cum with a glazed and content look.

“So good for me,” Buck whispered, the reverence back in his tone before he grabbed Steve’s head and pulled him into a kiss. Steve felt the warm happiness he always felt when being praised by the younger man. “Find us a place and I will happily fuck you, over, and over, and over, again,” Buck declared before placing a hand on Steve’s stomach and caressing the toned abs while licking his lips, “until that stomach bulges from my cum.”

“Oh fuck,” Steve moan, the words alone had his hole twitching in excitement while the imagine would provide plenty for his spank bank.

‘I need to find a place pronto because that has to happen.’

The two men stayed that way for a few minutes before their sizes worked against them and it became uncomfortable. Steve felt his neck protest while Buck kept bending and extending his legs. Eventually, Steve moved back to the driver seat, still completely naked, “not yet, I’m enjoying the view,” because Buck stopped him when he was going to get dressed. The older man tried to save face and told himself that he only listened because he was hot and still deliriously high from his orgasm.

“So what’s the deal with this friend of yours, Eddie?” Steve finally decided to bring up the real reason he got close to the younger man in the first place. He kept his tone casual and calm as if he was just asking about the weather, not even looking at the blond but from the side of his vision he saw Buck flinch.

“What do you mean?” 

Steve knew that he had to tread carefully, Buck was already beginning to sound defensive and despite all they’ve been doing and their attraction to each other, Steve was not deluded enough to think that he had some sort of power over the younger man or even his trust. The older man also knew how he would act if this was about him and Danny, ‘hell, how I’ve acted for anything to do with Doris.’ So he couldn’t be a hypocrite and expect Buck to just spill out his feelings and secrets.

“Danny’s been ranting about wanting to kill someone named Eddie,” he decided to go with a joke to ease the blond as well as add some of Danny’s protective instincts to sooth the younger man’s need for approval and love. “Between rants I managed to get out of him that this was your best friend.”

“Is, Eddie still is my best friend,” Buck corrected but to Steve he sounded unsure.

‘Do you both think that? Do you both want that?’ He wanted to ask but he didn’t.

“And there is nothing to talk about,” the tone was dry, almost cold which felt out of place in the younger man. “I told Danny not to worry. I was the one who messed up so,” There was so much self-deprecation in that tone that Steve could see why Danny was concerned. 

It was clear that Eddie’s opinion really matters to Buck, this meant that the other man had the power to ‘fix’ Buck but also to break him. ‘And right now it sounds like he’s leaning towards the latter.’ Despite his confidence during sex, it was clear that Buck had a bad case of people-pleasing, a slight martyr complex and a desire for approval and love so strong that it makes him hurt himself just to get it.

Danny has ranted enough about all of Buck’s stunts for Steve to put things together, one of these issues would be fine, even manageable but all of them makes for a Molotov cocktail that just with the right hit could destroy the younger man. ‘I can see why Danny is considering such drastic measures,’ But Steve could see what Danny and what everyone else refused to see and that was that Buck was already more than half the way there.

‘He’s hanging on by a thread,’ and suddenly Steve thought of another friend who also was too eager to please and cared about others more than himself. A friend who made those around him and what they thought or felt for him, his entire life.  

“Before Danny, I had a friend,” Steve suddenly broke the silence, “my best friend, who was much like you.”

“What happened to him?”

For a brief moment, Steve was taken back to that last mission, to Freddie’s sacrifice and the pain felt so raw that it was almost as if he was back there once more. “We were on a mission and he sacrificed himself so that I could make it out,” and Steve wished that he hadn’t; he would have preferred to go down fighting with his friend than to live knowing that he was only alive because his friend was dead. He was also aware of the fact that Freddie’s death was likely not quick and painless, he wouldn’t be a good SEAL or even a good Commander if he didn’t acknowledge that as much as he didn’t want to think about it.

“And the thing is that as much as I love him and could never hate him, I’m not happy with his decision,” Steve finally confessed what he had been holding in for so long. “While one part of me is grateful, the other can’t help but resent him because as noble as his sacrifice was, at its core it was also selfish.”

“How? He sacrificed himself for you because he loved you and wanted you to live,” Buck exclaimed, his eyes widened.

“No, he wanted not to be one to live while I die because he knew the guilt would haunt him for the rest of his life, looking at my family and telling them that I died for him would drive him insane, the expectations of having to live for us both would be a burden that would crumble him,” Steve couldn’t hide the resentment and hurt from his voice, “so he left it to me.”

“I’m sure that’s not what he meant, he just knew that your life was more…” Buck suddenly stopped talking and Steve realized what was at the root of the younger man’s problem.

‘Being born as a savior sibling even without knowing, he was probably raised to think that his life was worth less than everyone else and if he had the opportunity to give up his life for others than he should.’

“But who gave him that authority, who gave you the authority to decide how much people want you or not, how important or crucial you are to others, what makes you qualified to decide for those who love you when they lose you!” At this moment, they both were saying what they had been holding for so long. They weren’t talking to or about each other and that was clear yet the words still applied.

“I just know that they deserve to live,” Buck said softly, tone almost meek and uncertain.

“And you don’t!? Do you want to live at the expense of one of your friends or family’s life?”

“No!” Buck exclaimed, eyes widened in fear at the mere thought of it.

“Then why do you want others to do the same?!” Steve exclaimed, in part to Freddie and in part to Buck. Both blond SEALs were frustrating and annoying in their kindness and self-sacrificing tendencies.

‘You weren’t even supposed to be on that mission!’ He mentally exclaimed to his best friend.

“I never wanted to,” Buck’s voice cracked and Steve knew that his words had hit their mark, although he wouldn’t think that the younger man would change or heal but at least he might acknowledge he had a problem. “I never wanted to be selfish.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being selfish,” Steve tone was much softer, “but don’t confuse it for selflessness because they’re two different things, as much as we want to pretend otherwise.”

“I just wanted to fix things because I don’t want to lose anyone.”

“That’s out of your hands,” Steve almost called him ‘kid’ but then he remembered he has had the younger man’s cock in his ass and in his mouth so that would be too weird. “You’re not a martyr, you’re not Jesus Christ, you weren’t born to die for anyone’s sins so stop acting like it.”

Steve crossed over and once more straddled the younger man’s lap, this time there was nothing sexual about it, despite being naked, he held the man who just sobbed in his arms. The older man also felt tears cloud his own eyes, talking about Freddie had always been hard, mainly because he felt so much frustration and resentment that he knew he shouldn’t feel. It always left him feeling raw and guilty, much like when he returned from that mission.

For this reason, he always avoided talking about the other man before, ‘so why did I do it now?’ Steve shared with Buck even more than he had shared with Danny or Catherine and he didn’t understand why. He felt comfortable around the younger man, vulnerable yet not in the way that would make him run for the hills. He was not sure why but maybe it was Buck’s calm yet unassuming personality or the fact they were both SEALs. This was also the reason he used to explain away the soft kiss he placed on the younger man’s head as he cried.

Chapter Text

L.A

“I’m happy you decided to give us a chance,” Chimney reached over and tried to hold the hands of the person before him.

“That’s not what this is,” but Maddie pulled her hands away.

It’s been two weeks since Buck left and Maddie missed her brother more than she thought she would, especially because ever since she started dating Chimney, they had been spending less time together. Still, as much as she missed him, hearing how light and carefree her brother sounded made the distance worth it. During their calls she made sure to keep her feelings to herself, ‘he needs this more than I need him here.’

He excitedly shared all he saw and did, like a little kid on his first day of kindergarten and while she missed being surrounded by this happy energy, she was even happier that this energy was back even if she wasn’t there to witness it. But the more she spoke with Buck, the more content he sounded in Hawaii. She wouldn’t be surprised if in one of their calls, he declared that he was staying there. 

This thought made her wonder what she would do if this happened, she realized that she couldn’t really see her life in L.A without her brother here. Maddie had made friends and she had a job that she loved but it had always been Buck and her against the world, they had always been together except the first few years of her marriage before she ran away and Buck’s time in service. Even in those times, Buck sent postcards and contacted her whenever he could so in some way they had always been together.

Her little brother would always come first and she could only think of her own children being the ones to outrank him but even then Buck would still be important to her. This thought made her evaluate everything else in her life, all the relationships and life choices she has made as well as the future she wanted for herself.

“But you called me,” Chimney asked, his signature confused, good guy expression. Before, she had found that expression cute, the man had always felt like the funny guy next door or the kind guy that had always been in love with her but she never noticed before. But when that expression came after he basically bullied her brother, it was no longer cute.

“I called you because I finally feel ready to talk things over like adults, to decide what to do about us,” she finally confessed and ignored the terror and panic in his eyes.

Maddie was 100% a people pleaser and a ‘sacrifice myself in order to keep the peace’ kind of person. Ever since Doug she had been more tentative about having arguments or ruffling feathers out of fear of history repeating itself, ‘maybe because a part of me still believed that it was all my fault.’ This behavior had been fine when she had been the only one affected but now her own compliance had caused her brother to suffer.

‘I should’ve noticed that all the jokes and teasing weren’t completely innocent.’

“What do you mean?”

“Chimney, you didn’t think that we could continue how things were with what happened,” her tone was more incredulous than angry.

“Why not?! Buck was the one acting like a child, how is that my fault?!” The man exclaimed and any regret Maddie had about what she was about to do completely left her.

“And that is why,” she declared, her tone calm but firm, “you keep acting like Buck is my friend or a neighbor I’m close to.” She glared down at the man as she stood over him, she still cared about the man before her. Maddie still believed that there was a sweet, funny and kind guy in there somewhere, but all his issues that he hasn’t dealt with or refuses to deal with are burying that guy so deep she worried he may never come out.

“I never said…” 

“He’s my brother, my little brother, and let me make one thing clear because clearly I failed at doing that before,” she mentally berated herself for failing to clarify this. “I might have had a lapse in judgment when I met Doug but make no mistake, Evan will always come first for me. Even above any relationship or partner I may have,” the revelation had the man’s eyes widened as if this was some massive confession that he had not expected.

‘Guess I can’t fully blame him since I did a really bad job at clearly communicating my priorities,’ she looked at the man who like most of the rest of the 118, seemed to have selective hearing, ‘or maybe he just didn’t bother listening.’

“A partner that can’t get along or accept my brother, is not someone that I could ever see myself with, no matter how perfect they might be.”

“Maddie…”

“I don’t fully know what your issue with Buck is and I don’t even think Buck is the problem but either way,” Maddie took a deep breath, tears clouding her eyes because at some point she had actually seen a future with this man; because he made her trust and believe in love, in men, again. He had made her hope and believe that maybe she was worthy of much more than Doug made her believe she was. Chimney had been this beacon that helped her heal and for that she would always be grateful to him. To his credit, the man had always been amazing to her and it was this that gave her the confidence to expect and ask for more.

“I don’t think this,” she gestured to them, “that we are going to work because Buck and I are a package deal.”

“Maddie, don’t say that. Of course, I get along with Buck,” Chimney declared, the man's eyes were wide and his breath labored, he leaned forward as if to kneel or throw himself before her. “I’ve been tolerating him for years,” he chuckled awkwardly but once again Maddie saw the glint of annoyance and anger in those eyes, not directed at her.

“And that is why we won’t work,” she stood up, mind made up by his words and tone. “I don’t need you to tolerate the most important person in my life. You don’t get it, I practically raised Buck and you saying that you tolerate him as if he was some annoyance you just had to live with, a mole on my body that you hated but accepted because I refuse to remove it,” she glared down at him, trying to make him see. “It’s like you saying that you tolerate my son, my child, just because you have no other choice but if it was up to you, you would send them off to boarding school where you can ignore his existence.”

“No, I…” the man stuttered.

“It is and you seriously need to work on whatever you are taking out on Buck,” her voice softened, “for your own good not us because,” she wanted to say that the ship had sailed but seeing tears cloud Chimney’s eyes, she couldn’t make herself be so cruel.

“So it’s really over?” She nodded watching the man stand up and walk out.

“Maybe if you work on healing, we can be frien…”

“Don’t say it, please, don’t say it,” the man begged and Maddie listened.

With that, Chimney walked out and Maddie fell apart, her sobs filled the room as she fell to the floor. She doesn’t regret choosing her brother, she would never regret that but it still hurt, ‘it was still heartbreaking.’ She missed her brother but in this moment she was kind of happy that he wasn’t there or else he would have felt guilty and tried to fix what didn’t really need fixing.

Hawaii 

Buck was exhausted both physically and emotionally, the physical aspect was more that his knees ached from being bent for so long. ‘It was almost like being on a long flight stuck in a regular economy seat.’ Buck had never been good at flying economy, mainly because of the leg room, not that he had the money for business or first class but he at least had economy plus or exit row.

The emotional exhaustion, he knew was due to the conversation he had with Steve and all the turmoil it caused within his mind and heart. It has made him really think not only about others around him but his own actions as well. He had been called selfish many times by many people but never for the reasons that Steve had called him selfish. Buck had never seen it the way Steve explained it.

Normally, he was considered selfish for making things about himself and not for making things about others. ‘I guess thinking just about other people could also seem selfish,’ it all makes him think about Danny and how much the older man has done for him yet all the older man asked was for Buck to give him a chance. Keeping things from him and making him worry, in a misplaced effort to not burden him was probably causing more harm than good.

When he arrived home and saw his brother on the sofa watching TV, Buck couldn't help but drag himself over to the man. “Hey Buck, you’re back early. I figure Steve would take you out shooting or hike up to mount Ka’ala or some other Navy SEAL shenanigans like swimming with sharks or actually punching them,” Danny’s words were soon cut off by a grunt as his giant of a little brother fell into him.

“Hey, what happened?” Danny asked with worry as the taller man buried his face in his chest while almost half of his body was on Danny’s lap. The kid wasn’t light, he was as heavy as he looked and Danny winced at the weight on his knee but didn’t push the younger man away.

“I’m sorry for being so selfish,” Buck’s words were mostly muffled but Danny had children so he had a masters at deciphering mumbling.

“What, did Steve say you were selfish?” He was pissed at his best friend, the man was supposed to help Buck not make things worse.

Buck just shook his head but a second later he also nodded which only confused Danny. He was about to pull the younger man off him so he could look at his face when he felt his shirt become damp where Buck’s face was buried. ‘Dammit, Steve, if you made my little brother cry,’ Danny was already plotting his lecture and revenge against Steve for messing this up. ‘I should not have left this job to the SEAL who thinks shooting first and hanging people off roofs is the way to fix problems.’ Buck kept apologizing and it only worried Danny more as the tears soon became sobs.

“Buck, it’s okay,” Danny reassures, rubbing his back, “you have nothing to apologize for. Steve is the one that’s going to need to apologize, that neanderthal.”

“No, don’t be mad, he was great,” Buck finally pulled back but refused to meet Danny’s eyes.

“Then tell me what happened?” 

Buck then told Danny about his talk with Steve and the older man was shocked that Steve actually told Buck about Freddie. Even with him, Steve barely wants to talk about the other man and even after all they’ve been through the SEAL barely likes bringing him up. Buck didn’t tell him the actual story but hearing that Steve talked to him about a friend and comrade that he lost was all Danny needed to put the pieces together.

“As much as this pains me,” Danny teased slightly, “Steve is right but you have nothing to apologize for.”

“I just want the people I care about to be happy and burden free,” Buck sniffled and while Danny missed all the milestones in the younger man’s life, he almost felt like they had been transported to years back when Buck was a little kid unsure of the world and Danny was the big brother that could make it all better.

“If you really want to make the people around you happy, then take care of yourself,” Danny held Buck’s face, making the younger man finally turn to him with bloodshot, glossy eyes. “My, our grandma always says ‘first God then his angels’ you can’t help or fix anything if you’re not okay.”

“What if I’m never okay, if I’ve never been okay,” Buck wondered, finally being honest in his pain and struggle.

“Oh kid, that’s when you need other people most. Taking care of yourself also means knowing when you need others, to help, to comfort you, to listen or hell, just to be there.”

“How do I…?” Buck was not sure how to ask because he had never asked for help.

“All you have to do is open your mouth and say the words, those that really care will listen and understand.”

Buck was kneeling on the floor before his brother, having slip down when he was sobbing. He thought about Danny’s words, about his tender eyes  and his actions since finding out that they were brothers. He thought about the massive leap of faith that the older man took by calling and even visiting Buck, the leap of faith he continued to take by introducing Buck to the people he cared about. ‘He’s letting me in, he’s been letting me in all this time and I’ve been working so hard to keep him out, thinking that was best.’

“Danno,” Buck was not sure why that nickname came out, he had never called Danny that but maybe it was because Danno was the mother-hen best friend, the doting and loving father so just maybe he could also be the caring big brother. “I’m not okay,” Buck finally confessed sobbing, it was the first time he had said those words out loud, “I need help.”

“I’m here, kid,” Danny pulled him into his arms as Buck sobbed. “Whatever you need, I’m here. We’re going to get you help because you’re not alone. Never forget that as long as there’s a Williams alive, you will never be alone.”

The two brothers stayed in each other’s arms, one breaking down like a little boy finally reaching his limit and the other crying silent tears for the wonderful and pure soul that the world tried so hard to stain and break. ‘Because he’s not broken and I will make damn sure that no one ever breaks this kid.’

Eventually the two grown men cuddle on the sofa like they were little boys and let a movie play. Buck exhausted himself and soon fell asleep in his brother’s arms while Danny wasn’t in any rush to move him. He caressed the blond curls and swore to himself that he would help Buck in whatever way possible, but it was true that it takes a village so he knew he needed a team.

I need a list of therapists that specializes in family trauma and PTSD.

Only the best.

And they need to be thoroughly checked.

Already have a list

But I’ll talk to a contact that can do a deeper dive.

How is he?

Not good but believe it or not that’s a step in the right direction.

Yeah, now we can help him. 

Danny smiled, happy that he could always count on his best friend to have his back no matter what. Steve has no obligations to Buck but because he was Danny’s little brother then in Steve’s eyes that meant he was also Steve’s little brother. He also spoke to the rest of his team and asked them about keeping Buck busy or spending time with the younger man. He didn’t want to force anyone to babysit but he was realizing that for Buck, being alone was dangerous. 

Again he felt so lucky because he didn’t even have to say much to any of his friends, they were all eager and more than happy to spend time with the younger man. ‘That’s more his doing than mine,’ he wished Buck would realize how much people care about him and the effect he has on people when he doesn’t try to be what he thinks they want him to be. He waits until after a sleepy Buck lays in bed and he’s in his room to make the final call.

“I need you to take care of Eddie Diaz,” he declared in lieu of a greeting.

L.A

Eddie was woken up by very insistent knocking, he hadn’t even realized when he went to sleep but apparently he hadn’t made it to the bed and was actually on the floor in front of the sofa. There was a mountain of clothes covering the sofa which was probably why he was on the floor. He wasn’t sure if the clothes were clean or dirty; he groaned and his muscles ached as he stood up. His ribs hurt but he ignored them as he opened the door; he was happy that Christopher was having a sleepover at a friend's house although for the life of him, he couldn’t remember which friend.

‘ Dios , what is wrong with me?’

Eddie was surprised by the person that was on the other side of the door, he was also surprised that it was already dark outside, ‘what time is it?’ He felt like he lost so many hours yet he couldn’t remember anything he had done all day. His head felt fuzzy and everything seemed out of place, almost like he was in a dream.

“Maddie? What are you doing here?”

Maddie Buckley might not seem it but as a big sister she was someone no one wanted to mess with. She might have a problem defending herself but when it came to her little brother she could be vicious so when Danny called her and told her about Eddie’s call and the damage they were doing to Buck, she was out for blood. The man had told her how he threatened Eddie but wasn’t sure that the man would really stop. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it, just focus on Buck.” It was all she said, she didn’t care what she had to do but she was going to get Eddie to leave Buck alone.

“Eddie, can we talk?”

“Um, sure,” the man seemed confused and unsure, “come in.”

Maddie was flabbergasted as she walked into the man’s home, the place was a complete and utter mess. There was a pile of clothes on the sofa, some were even scattered on the floor, dishes on the tables and bandages as well as medicine on the coffee table. The place looked like the home of a bachelor or a frat boy. Really looking at Eddie, Maddie noticed that he seemed out of it, ‘if it were anyone else I would think he was on drugs.’

She pushed the concern away and remembered that Buck was her priority not Eddie. “I won’t stay long,” she declared, opting not to even sit down when the man threw some clothes to the floor to make room on the sofa. “I’ll actually get right down to the point, you care about my brother, right?” The man turned to her confused but Maddie noticed that it was more like he was trying to snap himself out of a daze. She was almost worried that she was speaking another language.

“You mean Buck?”

“He is the only brother I have, at least the one that connects us.”

“Yeah, of course I care about him, even when he’s been so exha…” 

“In that case,” Maddie cut him off, not interested in Eddie’s opinion or, more like, skewered opinion of her brother. “I need you to leave him alone.”

“What?” Eddie was still confused but seemed more awake. “Oh, you spoke to his new ‘brother’ and he probably went to you so that you can help him keep me away from my best friend.”

Eddie's words made Maddie snap, she was tired of the narrative that Buck was the problem. It was annoying that everyone that claimed to love the younger man would much sooner ready their pitchforks against him than look within themselves. “Let me correct myself, you will leave Buck alone at least until you get help or I will personally file a restraining order against you so that you can never contact or get near him.”

“You can’t…!”

“You will find that I fucking can and will,” she sneered, her eyes dark and narrowed. “Buck might care for you and that had blinded him to your toxicity but I don’t have that same problem. I don’t care who you are and how much he cares for you, if you become a tumor in his life which you are on your way to being,” she added, stepping closer to the man but keeping his distance as there was something dangerous and almost terrifying about him. “Then I will personally cut you out of his life even if Buck never forgives me.”

“Buck would never let you…”

“I’m his sister,” she declared with a confident smirk, “if he had the choice, who do you think he would choose?”

Maddie was stunned as she saw tears begin to cloud Eddie’s eyes, she had to remind herself to hold firm and that this was for Buck’s well being or else she would have fallen for those rare tears that have yet to fall. “I don’t want to…” Eddie’s voice broke and Maddie could see him trying to hold back tears. “I’ve never meant to…”

“I know,” she sighed, knowing that at the end of the day, Eddie’s issue isn’t Buck but her brother doesn’t know that and this was hurting him too much. “But he doesn’t know that. You are only pushing him closer to the edge so I need you to take a step back,”

“I would never hurt Buck,” Eddie declared, his voice so desperate and earnest. Maddie didn’t need convincing, she could hear the love he held for her brother in his voice. “Never him,” the last part was whispered but she heard it and it was alarming.

“I know and that’s why I need you to take care of yourself before you cause something that we -especially you- will all regret.”

The man didn’t say anything, he simply kept repeating that he didn’t want to hurt Buck. She worried about leaving him in such a state so she stayed until he had calmed down. She even got him to drink some tea but it didn’t ease her concern so once the man was asleep she texted Carla to tell her how she found and left Eddie. Then she thought that this situation might require the big guns so she made a call. “Hello, Pepa,” the older woman picked up right away, “it’s Maddie. 

“Yeah, Buck’s sister…” she smiled at the affectionate tone in the older woman’s voice when she said her brother’s name.

“No, he’s much better, this isn’t about him.” The older woman spoke on the other side, concern filled her voice as besides Buck there were only two other people that connected them. 

“Have you seen or spoken to Eddie recently?” The negative response suddenly made things more clear to Maddie.

“Yeah, you might need to speak to him soon. Let’s just say I think Buck isn’t the only one that’s reached his breaking point.”

Eddie felt wrung out in the worst way possible, it’s been two days since Maddie’s visit and his Tia Pepa called him to scold him. “Edmundo Diaz, este no eres tu. Tu no atacas a las personas que más quieres cuando estás herido. Que te pasa?!” [This is not you. You don’t attack those you love when you're hurt. What’s going on?] His ears were still ringing from his aunt’s tone but he knew that she was right.

He could admit, at least to himself, that he had been relying too much on Buck for emotional support. Eddie wasn’t social enough or had much desire to make new friends, mainly because he barely tolerated people but there was the fact that it would take him years to feel comfortable with someone to talk about his feelings. ‘It will take too long,’ he knew that by then it would be too late, he didn’t want to admit for what.

The best option was to talk to someone that could understand, this was how he found himself trying to contact his army buddies but soon realized he didn’t have their info. He berated himself for not even trying to keep in contact with them. ‘I stupidly thought that pushing away everything related to my service would make everything normal, as if it didn’t happen.’ Eddie remembered that this was his father and sometimes his mother’s strategy.

The Chief was the easiest and fastest one to find about, he called his old CO and got the information that the man had died in Afghanistan years after their mission. It was all classified so the woman couldn’t tell him much about how the man died but Eddie wasn’t sure that he wanted to know more. 

Mills was next and he was surprised that he actually had the woman’s number. It took him three tries but he finally let the phone ring until someone picked up but he didn’t get the witty and sarcastic voice of the woman but the somber tone of a man. “Hello,” his voice was gruff but it didn’t sound natural, it was either from smoking, screaming or crying.

“Hello, may I speak to Anita Mills,” there was a dead silence on the other side.

“Who the hell is this?!”

“My name is Eddie Diaz, I serve with Mills,” he felt like a little boy asking his girlfriend’s father if he could take her to the dance. “I wanted to catch up,”

“Son, I hate to be the one to tell you this but Anita is no longer with us.”

“What,” he was shocked, “can I ask what happened?”

“She ate a bullet this August,” it was such a crass declaration but Eddie heard the hidden emotion in the man’s voice. “She was never the same when she came back,” the man sighed softly, almost as if he noticed how close Eddie was to the edge. “She always joked and always insisted she was fine, we should have pushed but…”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Well, we just hope that she’s finally at peace.”

After that, the conversation didn’t last long but the man on the other side who turned out to be Mills’ father, was able to give him the contact of the others on their team. It turned out that Mills was better at keeping in contact although Eddie never received a call and he tried not to wonder why. For Norwalk, his phone was disconnected but fortunately Mills also had his house number so Eddie hoped that the man just changed his number.

“I’m sorry, Joey died about two years after getting back,” this time it was a woman and her voice was soft yet filled with so much emotion which made him think that this was Norwalk’s wife.

“Can I ask how? Did he…?”

“Oh no, thank God,” the woman exclaimed and Eddie wasn’t sure those were the right words but said nothing. “It was in a car crash.”

“Sorry for your loss and thank you.”

The final one had Eddie breathing like ran a marathon, he was nearly hyperventilating. ‘Please, please, please, Dios mio , I don’t ask for much but please…’ he silently prayed as the call rang. A part of him almost didn’t want the call to be picked up because he knew that if he received the news that he thought he would, it would break him. He couldn’t help but think about Kali and how her sweet smiling face went from happy and teasing him to bloody and trying to reassure him that everything would be okay while he froze.

“...llo, hello! Who the hell is this?!” He had not noticed that someone had picked up and was talking to him.

“Sorry, I’m actually looking for Bender, we serve together…”

“That selfish asshole is gone and good riddance,” the person on the other side cut him off with a sneer and Eddie’s eyes widened.

“How…?” His voice broke and he coughed trying to cover it.

“The bastard ODed,” after that the person wasn’t too interested in talking, they ordered Eddie never to call again and hung up.

The phone fell from his hands and he was thankful that Pepa had taken Christopher for a sleepover with Abuela because even he wasn’t sure of what happened next. He blanked out and the next thing he knew, he was in the fighting ring standing before a fighter that looked like he had been beaten to death. Bosko was ushering him away with a panicked look on her face. 

“Damnit Diaz! This was just meant to be a stress reliever,” the woman looked both pissed and terrified, Eddie wasn’t sure if it was for herself or him. “You need to get the fuck out of here now before someone sees you.”

“The guy…?”

“We got him. Now, go!”

With that he ran barefoot and shirtless through the streets of L.A. He didn’t think about his car or his clothes; all he knew was that he had to get home. Everything was a blur not only visually because of the tears but also mentally because he had no idea how many days it’s been and how he ended up where he was.

‘What the fuck happened?!’

Chapter Text

Hawaii

Buck was doing a lot better, to the point that he was actually proud of himself for the progress he’s made. He’s still in pain but like an arm just weeks after it was broken, the pain wasn’t as mind-numbing as in the exact moment it was broken. It wasn’t just the almost physical pain of being abandoned and unwanted, but also his own emotions to everything, felt lighter. It was not to say that he was healed but he could finally breathe for the first time in so long.

‘I don’t want to kill myself but if I were to die,’ Buck shrugged, he thought that maybe being so blasé about his own death was not such a good thing.

Still, he was a lot better and no longer felt on the edge of the precipice or he did until he got a call that made everything crumble like a house of cards. ‘Well, it wasn’t so much a call,’ he had been at home making dinner for Danny and him, when he heard his phone ring in the other room. It was his first time making pasta from scratch so he didn’t want to leave, he silently sent a mental apology to whoever it was and promised to call them back.

After dinner, which Danny raved about and even took pictures to Buck’s surprise because he wasn’t a social media kind of guy, “I want Steve to see what real food looks like,” and that made more sense. But after dinner, Buck went to check his phone to see who called him and saw that he had an alarmingly high number of missed calls from Eddie.

‘I didn’t even hear half of these,’ he immediately panicked thinking that something was wrong with Christopher.

His mind went to the worst case scenarios and his fingers trembled as he tried to open his phone. He wanted to call Eddie but being 10 PM, he knew that it was nearly 1 AM over in California; if he remembered Eddie’s schedule well enough, the man had to work tomorrow so he was probably asleep. He tried to calm himself and assured his panicked brain that it was nothing; if something was wrong with Christopher, Buck was sure that Carla and even Maddie would have called him. Fortunately, Eddie left him a few voicemails which would hopefully alleviate his concerns.

“Buck, please, pick up the phone.”

The tone was desperate and pleading, Buck could tell that the older man was crying as he left the message which was alarming, his words were even a little muffled.

“Damnit, Buck! Why can’t you pick up the fucking phone when I actually need you!”

The next one was upset but still desperate, it almost sounded like Eddie was looking for a lifeline to help him hold on and Buck was that line.

“Our friendship has always been about you, you, you and you but on the rare occasions I need you, you disappear. And somehow I was the bad guy for saying you make everything about yourself.”

Then the voicemails progress into the explosive and hurtful anger that Buck experienced in the grocery store all those months ago. He had long learned that Eddie, who held his emotions so tightly under control, was a cornered beast when he was hurt, angry or vulnerable.

“This is why everyone leaves you and all your relationships fall apart, because you are never there when others need you! I said you’re exhausting but the truth is that you’re a selfish asshole that will always be alone.”

The anger and hurtful words came next, Buck felt his heart shatter as he heard the words that his mind berated him with constantly, the words he had been trying to convince himself that weren’t true. He was about to just delete everything and ignore it like Danny had recommended but it was hard to not torture himself. 

“Evan, please, I need you. I can’t…”

The pain and sorrow in Eddie’s voice had him almost calling his best friend because he had never heard Eddie sound so broken. But as he was about to hit call, he thought about Maddie’s words, “Just focus on yourself. Focus on your own healing, everyone here is an adult. They can take care of themselves.” Then he remembered how Danny urged him to be more selfish because by taking care of himself and his own peace of mind, he could take care of those he loved. 

“Kid, an overflowing cup can’t take any more and every time you help someone out, they pour a little into your cup but if you can’t take any more, your cup is going to burst.” He understood what his older siblings meant but he had a hard time accepting it.

Thinking about how light he had felt in the last few weeks and how hard it had been to ignore the dark thoughts and urges since the ladder truck crushed his legs, Buck made a decision that tore his heart. He felt like the biggest scumbag in the world and nothing that Eddie or anyone told him could hurt him as much as what he was telling himself was hurting. 

I’m sorry, Eddie. 

I can’t.

With that he placed his phone across the room and ignored it all, yet as much as he should, he couldn’t delete the messages. He tried to sleep, not being naive enough to think that this would be the end or that his apology would be accepted gracefully. ‘It never is,’ he thought sadly because he was used to everything he said or did being dissected and seen as selfish, thoughtless or immature.

‘I mean I have seen the looks from Hen, Bobby, and even Maddie and Athena,’ he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. ‘Is it really too hard to want someone that doesn’t see me as a dumb kid or a brainless jock?’ He couldn’t help but think, trying to ignore the drop that traveled down the side of his face and wet the inside of his ear.

The Five-0 crew made a great team, despite their differences they worked great together. They were all observant and talented in their own way, oftentimes they were at different levels but they always reached the end together. That was why they all noticed, at different times, that there was something wrong with Buck. Obviously, Danny was the first to notice as he lived with the younger man. 

Buck was a bright and exuberant person, even in the morning, ‘or especially in the morning like the neanderthal. I’m surrounded by morning people, still not sure what I did wrong to deserve this.’ But recently his younger brother had been completely and utterly silent. He still woke up to make breakfast but he was so quiet except for a brief ‘morning’ that Danny almost missed. The younger man could be having an off day but even on his off days, Buck wasn’t so silent and morose.

The next one to notice was Kono, Buck and her had become adrenaline junky pals. They always talked about different sports or activities they wanted to try or cool cases/rescues they have gone through. It was their thing, every time Buck came to visit the office they would practically gush. She even knew that anything to do with the ocean was off limits so she never pushed but other than that, they talked about everything and anything; like Buck wanting to skydive and Kono wanting to free fall rock climbing.

But in the last few days, she had noticed that she was the only one talking when their conversation was usually both of them raving excitedly. “I don’t know how either of you can hear each other like that.” Danny would always tease them about that but recently she was the only one talking while Buck just smiled softly. It was a smile that could have easily fooled anyone but to Kono it lacked the brightness and joy that most of Buck’s smiles were filled with.

The next one to notice was Chin Ho, at least officially; the reality was that the next one to notice was Steve. Since their conversation in the car, Buck and Steve had gotten closer and even exchanged numbers. They had been texting so much that they almost spoke daily, nothing as serious and somber as the conversation they shared in the car. Their texts were mainly filled with flirting and sexting or Buck sending random facts which prompted Steve to send his own although his facts were mainly about weapons, the navy and Hawaii.

He had grown used to waking up to the younger blonde’s random facts and spending most of the nights exchanging flirty texts but then they stopped. At first, Steve ignored it because they weren’t really anything, ‘and I’m not a teenager with a crush.’ But Danny had mentioned that Buck was acting strange, he assumed it was his best friend being an overprotective mother hen, until he saw the younger man. When Buck visited the office, it was obvious that something was wrong.

There was a droop to his shoulders and shadows over his eyes that told Steve something happened. The first day he was sure it could be nightmares but it just seemed to get worse, until even the treats Buck would bring started to be affected. When any of them mentioned this, the young blond looked like a self-deprecating, kicked puppy and apologized; even when they all told him it was okay, Buck still acted like he had committed the gravest of sins.

Then came the isolation, Chin Ho was the first to notice the young man pulling into himself. He visited less but even when he was there, Chin Ho could almost see a wall between them. It showed in the way Buck would subtly flinch from Grover’s pads on the back or the way he would say something then turn to Danny as if he expected the man to scold him. Then there was the strange way he completely avoided Steve, even just looking at him.

They were all worried but neither of them wanted to push. As much as they had grown to care about the younger man, they knew that to Buck they were still strangers. They still asked if the younger man was okay but he always said he was fine. Pushing more felt like they would be ignoring the younger man’s boundaries and over stepping. To all of them, Buck’s comfort came first but that didn’t mean that they didn’t push Danny to get the older man to check on his younger brother constantly.

“You don’t think I’m doing that!?”

“He’s right guys,” Kono nodded, then gestured to the red faced short man, “I mean look at who we’re talking to.”

This made them all chuckle although there was a strange feeling in the air that didn’t make their teasing as fun, kind of like having a picnic in the park but seeing storm clouds in the horizon. It was all ominous and foreboding, Danny especially felt nervous. His maternal grandmother was a very superstitious lady and while Danny wasn’t the same, some of her habits have rubbed off on him. He tried to prepare himself for whatever was coming, constantly checked off his most important people, to the point that they all told him off for getting on their nerves but he couldn’t help it. Despite all this, when the storm hit, Danny wasn’t ready at all and he was nearly swept away by it.

He had been sleeping when he suddenly woke up, it wasn’t a nightmare because he didn’t wake up violently, it wasn’t any strange sounds because all was quiet. Like any good detective, he went over the mental checklist of possible crimes or emergency scenarios. The children are with Rachel, there was no sound inside or outside the house, the AC was still going and he wasn’t turned on so it wasn’t a wet dream. Danny stared at the ceiling and waited either for something to happen or sleep to come back to him. He turned to the side and he finally saw a tall figure by the door, looming like something out of a scary movie.

“What the fuck?!”

When the figure didn’t move, he rushed to turn on the bedside light, sure that it was just a hung robe and his tired eyes were just playing a trick on him. But when he turned on the light he was surprised to see none other than his younger brother. “Jesus, Buck, you scared me there,” he let out a breath, feeling his heart trying to slow down its harried beating but it had no chance as Danny noticed that Buck was holding a knife.

“Buck, what…?” There was no suspicion that Buck wanted to hurt or kill him so Danny was more concerned than scared.

“I don’t want to do it,” the man finally spoke, his words almost a whisper as he lifted his eyes to stare at Danny and that was when the older man saw the glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks. The hand holding the knife trembled but pointed at the other hand and that was when Danny noticed a small slash on the younger man’s wrist that combined with the words, immediately alarmed him.

“Buck,” he called softly, getting up from the bed, “Kid, what are you doing? It’s no time to cook, how about you give me that knife.”

“I don’t want to do it,” Buck again declared, his tone almost pleading, begging Danny to understand, to help, to stop him.

“I know, so hand me that knife,” Danny extended his hand with a soft smile. “We can talk about whatever is bothering you.”

“I don’t want to do it,” Buck repeated, the knife growing closer to his wrist once more, “but this darkness, it looms and I can usually ignore it but it’s growing and it won’t leave!”

“Then let me help you,” Danny begged, “give me the knife. You don’t want to be selfish, right?” Danny remembered what Steve told him about what he shared with the younger man. He felt horrible for using that right now but all he wanted was to get the knife away from his brother.

Fortunately, after what felt like hours, the younger man passed him the knife and Danny took it, putting it down on the bedside table. Once he turned back and saw his younger brother crying, he opened his arms and Buck immediately fell into them. The younger man cried and kept apologizing over and over again but Danny just held him.

Danny doesn’t know how long they were there for until Buck was able to calm down enough to actually speak. They end up in Danny’s bed with the older man holding the younger but taller man as if he was Charlie being scared by thunder. The sight was almost comical but Danny didn't care as he caressed the younger man’s wild curls.

“It was a nightmare about my time in service,” the younger man eventually admitted. Buck didn’t specify more and Danny didn’t ask because he knew that was something that couldn’t be pushed.

“What brought this on?” He decided to ask instead because he knew that things like these didn’t usually come up for no reason.

“They’re all dead…Everyone I saved is dead,”

Buck thought about the new voicemail from Eddie, the one he got yesterday. It didn’t berate him or screamed at him, it didn’t plead or demand, it just talked and Buck just listened. He almost called the man because he sounded so broken but then the flashes assaulted him. The scent of copper, iron, and gunpowder, clogged his nose; the sounds of screaming, pleading, shots, explosions and machines, was the only thing he could hear. He felt an overwhelming humidity, sometimes it was hot and other times it was wet.

“I feel like I’ve been drowning and this pressure weighs me down, and I fight and I fight to swim up but nothing works. Some days, I could just barely get my face out of the water and take a breath before I’m pulled back down,” Buck declared, for the first time in his life he confessed the feelings and thoughts that he had been holding in.

“And this darkness?”

“I think it’s part of my time in service or depression, I don’t know,” Buck gave a bitter laugh, “I just know that it’s these thoughts. It’s like the soldier, trained to do nothing but kill and the abandoned little boy battled it out. One wants me to kill those that have hurt me and the other wants me to…” Buck stuttered over his words.

“End it,” Danny finished for him and Buck just nodded.

“I try so hard, but I’m stuck between two extremes and it feels like there is no in-between.”

Danny hugged the younger man tighter as Buck buried his face into the older man’s chest. It was fortunate that he did because now Danny could try to compose himself and hide the tears that threatened to fall. This kid had been suffering so much and life had just been piling on the crap. “I promise you’re not stuck,” he reassured, “as long as I’m alive you would never be stuck, even if I had to take a page out of Steve’s book and throw a grenade at the wall.”

“Danny,” 

“Remember kid, wars are not fought or won alone so don’t fight alone,” the older man tightened his grip, placing a soft kiss on the younger man’s head. “From now on, I got you. Fall, cry, beg, rant, get angry, throw a tantrum and I will be here to catch you and hold you as you get the strength to stand up.”

“Promise?” Buck sounded so young and earnest; Danny could almost see a seven-year-old Buck, pleading up at him as if Danny promised to make all the monsters go away.

“I promise,” but he doesn’t hesitate, he hugs the younger man, “I promise, kid.”

Danny took a very deep breath and continued to try and breath, he had never been so furious since Matty was killed. As an older brother, the last thing he wanted was to see was his siblings suffering in silence because they thought they were alone. He hadn’t done his job as an older brother right if his younger siblings didn’t feel like they could count on him or come to him. And for the most part, his siblings whether they were younger or older, knew that they could come to him and he would jump into the fire for them.

He knew that with Buck, they weren’t there yet and it wasn’t failure on his part, they just needed time or at least he tried to reassure himself of that. But logic doesn’t always work so Danny wasn’t surprised that he still felt like a failure. He held his younger brother in his arms all night and the whole time, his eyes could only see a scared little boy instead of the massive man that almost covered him like a blanket.

Buck curled up around him, making himself as small as possible and Danny knew that wasn’t a good thing or at least not a good sign of the young man’s mental health. In that moment, all he cared about was comforting and being there for his younger brother, the fury came in the morning. When he ushered Buck into the bath and went to prepare breakfast, if he used Charlie’s old baby monitor and secretly placed it in the bathroom then that was his business.

He texted Steve to tell him that he wasn’t coming in today because there was no way he was leaving Buck. The man, who of course was awake already, immediately bombarded him with questions like the controlling, toxic partner that he was. Danny scoffed at the constant why and the threats to come over despite Danny declaring that he needed a personal day.

‘Because god forbid I get any personal space from him,’ he sighed, exasperated. ‘I swear sometimes I feel like I’m married again, only this one is crazier than the last.’

Buck needs me.

Okay,

Let me know if you need anything.

He was surprised that the answer was so easily accepted and Steve didn’t just insert himself in. The rest of the morning was spent in relative silence, Buck only asked him about work and Danny knew that the breakdown had really hit him hard because when Danny told him that he was taking a personal day, Buck just hummed instead of feeling guilty or insisting he was fine. As much as Danny wanted to talk about last night, he felt that his priority now was to stabilize the younger man, to help him find his equilibrium. 

They just spend the rest of the day on the couch, watching TV; at first they were each on different ends of the sofa but Danny could see Buck moving over when he thought Danny wasn’t looking. It was so cute, the younger man obviously wanted to cuddle but was too scared or tired to ask. Danny pretended not to notice even as Buck leaned against him until he had the man’s head on his shoulder, again, he said and did nothing except for giving a few reassuring pads.

Most of the morning Buck was dead silent; it was only around 1 PM that he began to talk and even then it was just brief and soft, almost whispered comments about whatever they were watching. Again Danny just went with it, responding to the comments but not starting or furthering the conversation. They were in Buck’s field right now and he was the one setting the pace, which Danny was okay with as long as the knife didn’t come back. The older man noticed that his brother’s hands had been trembling since he woke up but again said nothing, just made a note to ask Maddie about it. He wondered if Buck’s condition was aggravated by his emotional state.

By 3 PM, he was happy that Rachel had agreed to pick up the kids and bring them over. It helped that Buck had charmed her and Danny had explained that Buck had a rough night. The woman must have told the children something because as soon as they came in, they rushed over to Buck and basically shoved Danny out of his place as Buck’s pillow to take over.  “Oh, I see how it is,” Danny playfully complained with a pout. Charlie giggled and Grace stuck out her tongue while Buck smiled so Danny was happy to be the brunt of the joke.

“Danno, you know you should let a pro handle this,” Grace teased and Danny wondered where she was getting all this sass from.

“We’ll take care of Buck,” Charlie declared with so much determination and Danny was so proud.

“In that case, I’ll start on dinner,” he sent Grace a look that said ‘he’s fragile, be careful.’ He was even prouder when his daughter nodded in understanding.

Now, Danny could finally do what he wanted to do all day long. He went out through the side door in the kitchen and walked a good distance from the house where the  kids or Buck wouldn’t hear him. Danny pulled a phone out of his pocket that wasn’t his and made the call, again taking a deep breath. He wasn’t surprised when the call picked up immediately, it barely rang once before an almost desperate voice answered.

“Buck, finally!”

“Think again,” Danny declared, his voice might have sounded a little growly but he didn’t care.

“Put Buck on the phone,” the other man demanded but Danny wasn’t having it.

“That’s not going to happen, you have officially lost your Buck privileges,” a sound that was a mix of alarm, desperation and fear came from the man on the other side of the call.

“What…? You can’t,”

“Oh I can and I will,” Danny was past the point of being sympathetic to this man.

“I need Buck,” there was pure and utter desperation in the man’s voice.

“You should have thought of that before you knocked him down so far he had a breakdown.”

“What, is Buck okay?” and to the man’s credit, Danny could hear that he was genuinely concerned and cared about Buck which made all this more difficult. They were both hurting and they wanted to be there for each other but they couldn't because they were just hurting each other and if they continued they would break their bond beyond repair.

“No, he’s not but neither are you.”

“I’m fine,” even the man’s tone was unsure.

“You need help,” Danny declared softly. “Don’t you think it’s time that you stop projecting your issues onto Buck?” There was dead silence on the other side. “If you want a relationship with him get some fucking help,” This was where Danny was done being nice and he took a deep breath, willing and ready to be the bad guy, “until then, don’t bother calling him because you are officially blocked and if Buck unblocks you then I will make sure that everytime you call, I’m the one answering.”

“No! You can’t do this!” The other man snapped, practically snarling like a wild animal. “Buck is my best friend, I need him,” there was something in the man’s voice and the way he said certain words that told Danny, he was unhealthy latching on to Buck and as a detective he knew that this could turn into a Law and Order episode real quick.

“Then figure your shit out,” Danny ordered coldly before hanging up and cutting off the man  that continued to scream and rant.

Danny sighed, rubbing his eyes as he could feel a migraine coming on. He made another call to Maddie, the woman was worried when he called from Buck’s phone and even more worried when he told her that Buck had some nightmares, then she moved on to being pissed when he told her what caused them. “I’ll talk to someone that can smack some sense into him,” the woman promised before he promised to get Buck to call her when he felt up to talking.

Finally, he walked back into the house and was happy that the three were exactly where he left them although they moved on to watching those Air Buddies movies. “Buck, they’re like you!” Charlie exclaimed, making Grace laugh and Buck pout, even Danny chuckled at that.

“I heard that,” Buck yelled back but Danny was just happy that the younger man seemed to be feeling much better.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Danny declared in an innocent tone but with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “How do we feel about spaghetti for dinner?”

“Yay!”

“Sounds good.”

“Awesome.”

With unanimous approval from the peanut gallery, Danny got to work but not before taking his phone and sending a text, ignoring the response as he got to work on dinner. He wasn’t too surprised when he heard the door to the house opening as dinner was almost done. Danny had already added more food for a plus one. “Uncle Steve!” Charlie’s happy greeting just confirmed who his uninvited visitor was.

“Hey, Danno,” Danny could see that Steve had noticed a lot more about Buck’s state because his eyes were shining with determination and something darker.

‘Good thing he hadn’t seen him this morning or last night.’

“Are you sure?” Steve asked but he was already picking up the extra phone on the counter, Danny nodded and Steve went out through the back door. 

“Dinner’s ready,” Danny yelled while plating everything and setting it up on the island since they no longer had a dining room.

“Where’s Uncle Steve?”

“He went to get something in his car,” Danny easily responded, “I didn’t kick him out.”

“Like he would listen if you did,” Grace scoffed and Danny was again wondering where the sass was coming from.

“Where’s my phone?” Buck suddenly asked, looking around.

“No phones at the dinner table,” but Danny kept calm and simply declared, fortunately the younger man didn’t push.

They were half way through dinner when Steve walked in with a tub of  ice cream, “I thought you were getting something in your car?” Danny asked, hand in hip like a disapproving wife but Steve just looked sheepish like a husband who knows he had done something wrong.

“What, you can’t have dinner without dessert,” this got him cheers from the children and a smile from Buck.

The man put the ice cream in the fridge and sat down to eat, the meal was filled with Charlie’s excited retelling about his day and Grace commenting every once in a while. Both men noticed how silent the younger man still was but his smile was looking more natural and full so they didn’t try to push him. “Buck, here’s your phone,” Grace pointed to the couch where the phone was peaking between the cushions. Danny wondered how or when Steve placed the phone there, the man hadn’t even left the kitchen.

‘You’re good,’ Danny replied with his eyes and Steve just shrugged with a smug smirk. 

After dinner and dessert everyone dispersed, the kids were in their rooms with Buck helping them with homework so the two men could speak more freely and Danny could tell Steve what happened. “If this doesn’t work then I will take care of him,” Danny was surprised by the threat that Steve growled out and the downright viciousness in the man’s voice, it was almost frightening. He didn’t expect the man to be so protective of Buck.

‘But I guess Buck kind of brings that out in people. Still,’ it felt strange because Steve wasn’t known to get attached so soon.

“Give me the clone,” Danny waved the thought away and focused back on what was important. There were worse things than having your best friend be protective of your brother.

“I think I should keep it.”

“What, Why?” Danny was confused and annoyed. “It’s not like I’m going to abuse it. I know Buck is not a child.”

“I know but for one, this will avoid Buck finding it,” Danny was about to say something but Steve cut him off, “and he will find it because while he might not act like it, he was still a Navy SEAL.”

“And what’s the other reason?”

“If Buck finds out then he wouldn’t be angry at you but me, this way your relationship won’t be damaged. Besides, we are more likely to forgive a stranger than a family member,”

“I guess you have a point,” Danny was touched that Steve was willing to take the blame for this in order for Danny and Buck to maintain a good relationship. Buck had told him how he felt about Maddie keeping the secret of Daniel and they knew each other all their lives so he couldn’t imagine how the younger man would react to him cloning his phone. It was very noble of Steve and for all his complaining, Danny was once again happy that he had found a friend like the man.

‘I also don’t want you to see the kinky text about how much I want your brother to plow me into next month,’ meanwhile Steve had not so noble intentions for why he was taking one for the team and it was because he literally wanted to take one for the team. 

In his defense, Steve didn’t only think about sex, he had seen the state Buck was in and it had ignited the protective instinct inside him. He wanted to do whatever was needed to get the younger blond to smile once more. Steve wasn’t sure why he felt this way, he wasn’t a cruel person but the SEAL training made him a little more restrained with his emotions so he wasn’t one to get protective or caring about his one night stands or friends with benefits. 

Even with Catherine, it took him months to start caring about the woman as more than a sex friend and years before he actually fell in love with her. ‘So what’s different about this one?’ He was starting to think that it was because this one was connected to his best friend and anyone that Danny cared about then Steve would care about. ‘I mean within reason,’ he hadn’t really been a big fan of Danny’s past lovers except Rachel, ‘and that was just at the start.’

A soft but familiar kiss being placed on his cheek startled him out of his thoughts, Steve frantically looked around but he was alone except for the younger blonde against his back. “Don’t worry he’s tucking Charlie in,” the man reassured, his voice was hoarse as if he was getting over a bad cold and his tone was still not as happy and sweet as it normally was but it was much better than when he greeted Steve earlier today.

“What was that for?”

“Thanks for coming over,” Buck declared, “I know it probably wasn’t for me but seeing you really brightened my day.” With those words the younger man was gone and not too soon because a few minutes later Danny walked in.

“What’s with you?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, confused and worried that there might have been a mark on his cheek or something.

“You’re grinning like an idiot,” Danny raised an eyebrow. 

Steve had not realized he had been smiling and that along with the warmth that Buck’s words filled him with, worried him. ‘Fuck, being sex-depraved is really fucking up with my brain.’

“Just remembered the mountain of paperwork waiting for you on Monday,” Steve teased with a smirk and Danny glared at the man.

“Dammit, Steve,” the blond exclaimed, “I have to do yours but you can’t do mine, even for one day…” the blond proceeded to fall into a rant about Steve’s lack of accountability or responsibility and how he was exploiting Danny. But Steve wasn’t listening as met blue eyes in the reflection of the window and his heart beat faster.

‘I’m in so much trouble, if Danny doesn’t kill me when he finds out,’ Steve thought as Buck licked his lips not even in a sexual manner but Steve felt weak. ‘Then his brother will drive me insane.’

Chapter Text

Steve was wondering what he had done in his life to be tested and tempted so harshly. He wanted to tell whoever was listening that he was trying but fate, and currently his best friend, were not making it easy or even possible. “You want me to what?” Steve asked for clarification, hoping that he had heard Danny wrong.

“I want you to talk to Buck again,” Danny reaffirmed, which was exactly what Steve feared.

Ever since he cloned Buck’s phone, he had been keeping his distance from the younger man and even doing a good job of it, ‘although it’s only been like three days so that’s not saying much.’ He was still constantly horny and he did jerk off almost every night but he was doing a good job at keeping away. Although his fantasies were getting out of hand, recently it’s been one he was almost ashamed to even think about while in front of other people even if they couldn’t read his thoughts.

“Hey Steve, I bought treats,”

It always started the same way, with Buck standing at the door of his office and announcing his arrival like he did almost every day he visited. Everyone had assumed this was some Navy thing about reporting to the commanding officer, “more like an animal thing of reporting to the alpha of the territory.” Danny even teased them about this but he thought the same thing as everyone else, Steve was the only one that knew the truth.

He knew that this was Buck’s silent command of ‘look at me when I enter the room’, the younger man was demanding that Steve’s attention be solely on him and Steve was always more than happy to oblige. For all of Buck’s time in the office, whether obvious or not, Steve’s attention and every brain cell he owns was solely on the younger man who proceeded to use this to tease him mercilessly.

Buck would lick and bite his lips, when no one but Steve was looking, he would ‘arrange’ his crotch sometimes making it so that Steve could clearly see the outline of the big cock he was dying to feel inside him again. In Steve’s fantasy, the younger man would go further, groping Steve’s ass while the team had their backs to them. In one particular fantasy, as everyone was facing away from them, Buck stuck his hand down the inside of Steve’s pants and groped his bare ass before using his fingers to tease his hole, never really pushing in.

They were never caught because his fantasy was not to be seen, just to feel the thrill of doing something so lewd and enjoying every second of it. Last night, the fantasy had been so different and intense that when they arrived at work it took Steve a while to be able to look Danny in the eyes. ‘If he only knew,’ he thought guilty but nowhere near ashamed.

“Hey Doll,” the shades in Steve’s office were all down for some reason as Buck entered. Even the doors had shades which the younger man pulled down. “Are you here alone waiting for me?”

“Yes,” Steve whispered breathlessly, he noticed that whenever the younger man asked him something in that voice, the answer was usually yes before he could even think about it.

“I love when you’re so good for me,” the man practically coon and Steve felt his toes curl.

Buck walked over to him, caressing up his arm until his hands landed on his shoulder where he kneaded the muscles while whispering filthy things in Steve’s ears. “My cock has missed its home,” a thumb caressed under his ear. “It has been so cold and lonely, without that magnificent ass to keep it warm,” a nibble to the top of his ear that had Steve’s eyes fluttering. “And my balls are so heavy since my cum has nowhere to go,” the man leaned over and licked the ear he nibbled.

“Because obviously the only place for my cum is…”

“My hole,” Steve replied without hesitation.

“Yes, that greedy little hole,” the hand caressed down his back and Steve leaned forward to give it better access. “Which I’m sure missed me like an addict waiting for its next hit, right?”

“Yes,” his voice came out in a moan but Steve didn’t care.

“Show me,”

And in his dream, Steve didn’t hesitate, he stood up and leaned over his desk before lowering his pants. He was never wearing anything underneath, “easy access, I like that you’re always ready for me.” Steve was naked from the waist down, in his office with his team outside, the door wasn’t even locked so anyone could just walk in yet Buck’s hand caressing his bare cheeks, had Steve not caring.

The younger man seemed almost entranced as he groped, spread, and even smacked Steve’s ass. “Steve, is everything good?” At this point, someone would chime in and Steve would always panic but never stop. Buck sometimes gave him the choice and other times the younger man didn’t let him even think.

“Yeah,” Steve almost moaned as one of Buck’s fingers nudged against his hole. 

He heard movement behind him and before he knew it, Steve felt a warm breath against the twitching ring of muscles. ‘Oh fuck,’ this was his weakness, Buck’s rim job was the thing that made Steve lose his control. All the times that they were almost caught was because he couldn’t hold back his moans as Buck ate him out. His hands, which held the edge of the desk in a vice grip, trembled and Buck hadn’t even really gotten started.

The younger man’s tongue was so talented but it was really the sounds that drove Steve crazy, the slurping, lapping, and sucking; it was all like the younger man was having the most delicious meal in the world. It was an unbelievable thrill and ego boost to have the man on his knees, eating him out like it was a privilege that Steve bestowed upon him. Steve bit down on his shirt but it didn’t stop his moans, it just muffled them. This was how Steve knew this was all a dream because in an office of detectives no one suspected or even heard anything. It was all ridiculous and unbelievable but so arousing that Steve was sure he was going to cum before they got to the good part.

This always happened, for some reason, he never made it to Buck fucking him before he came. The younger man always seemed to take this as a challenge and Steve being the competitive asshole that he was, refused to back down or lose. Mainly because as soon as he came, he woke up and he was determine to get fucked by the younger man at least in his dreams.

Steve was sure that he would do it this time but then he felt a finger joined the talented tongue and both proceeded to fuck him with expert precision. ‘That’s unfair,’ the older man moaned begrudgingly yet he didn’t want it to stop. His muffled moans filled the room, loud to his ears but he could still hear the chatter outside so not loud enough.

“Shhh, if you’re too loud they’ll come in and see you getting fucked like it’s your job,” the younger man teased and Steve felt his toes curl as one of his balls was pulled into a warm mouth. “Doll, you have to lower your voice,” the tone was both commanding and teasing, “control your slutty moans,” soft yet dirty, praising yet scolding. 

One finger soon became two as the mouth moved on to his other ball; at this point, Steve’s legs were beginning to tremble. He suspected that he wasn’t going to make it this time either because he could feel himself about to climax. The fingers inside him began to stretch and bend, hitting all the right spots; it was truly testing Steve’s self control. Just as he was getting used to two fingers, two became three and they weren’t gentle.

Those fingers slammed into him, hitting Steve’s prostate with perfect precision. His shirt was almost covered in drool; he was passed carrying about anything, “don’t you dare.” The growling from the younger man had him biting his shirt tighter to stop it from leaving his mouth so he could  moan openly. At the same time, the tongue licked at his rim while his other hand began to play with his balls like they were stress toys.

“Wait, Buck…” Steve tried to plead but his words were muffled, and even then they fell to deaf ears as he was pushed over the edge. And once again he had lost.

Waking up after that frustrated Steve, even more because Danny came to pick him up that morning to go to work. Suffice to say that he had been a little cranky, something his team had noticed because they weren’t like his fantasy. His real team was actually observant, ‘Damnit! I need to get it together.’ That was why he had decided to avoid the younger man as much as possible, it was healthier for him to keep his distance. But then Danny had to go and ruin it with his new request that not only threw Steve for a loop but also concerned him.

“Did the best friend find a new way to contact him?” Steve was genuinely worried since he had seen the effect of the so-called best friend’s calls on Buck.

“No, we’re still good on that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s about his time in service,” Danny sighed, sitting down on the couch in Steve’s office. “Buck can’t really remember it but he’s been having nightmares about it and as much as I want to help, that’s not something I can really understand.”

“Danny,” Steve wanted to reassure his best friend but he could understand both sides as a soldier and as someone who has friends who are soldiers.

“No, we both know that I can’t help him with this,” Danny turned to Steve with an almost pleading look, the same one he made when he was trying to get Steve to believe him about Meka’s innocence. “But I’m hoping you can.”

“I’m not sure I know what to say, it’s not like I have things figured out,” Steve tried to argue although he knew that he was going to accept, not only because his best friend was asking him so earnestly but also because Steve could never turn his back on another soldier that needed a helping hand. 

“Whatever you told him last time worked, maybe all he needs is you to listen and understand.”

“I can’t promise anything but I’ll try.”

“Thank you, Steve,” moments like this reminded Steve that they were more than best friends, they were brothers.

‘Does that make Buck your brother by default?’ a voice wondered and Steve felt a little ill at the thought. ‘Oh hell no,’ he immediately shot down the idea of ever seeing the younger man as a brother, ‘Not in this lifetime.’

It has been a few days since Danny asked Steve to talk to his little brother and if Steve was honest with himself, he had been avoiding it. Fortunately, they had gotten a case so he didn't have to make excuses that his best friend would have been able to easily see through. Even Danny had seemed to have forgotten about his request and Buck seemed to be doing much better. On a good note, through the clone phone, Steve noticed that Buck’s phone had been fairly silent except for a few texts and calls the younger man exchanged with his sister. No trace or sign from the supposed best friend, which made Danny very happy. 

“I wouldn’t say happy, since my brother could lose his best friend but I’m relieved he won’t have any more stressors.”          

After the case was done, Steve didn’t really have any excuse to avoid talking to the younger man so he decided to set something up. He tried to keep their meeting innocent, picking a place that would not allow them to have time alone or for their desires for each other to escalate but he also wanted Buck to feel safe to talk about something so private like his time in service.  He decided the best option was a hike, it’s public and in a popular trail there would be too many people to try anything but enough privacy that they could talk.

The younger man was more than happy with the idea, even eager which was when Steve learned that Buck loved hiking or that the younger man turned into an eager Golden Retriever when he was excited about something. ‘It’s unfairly adorable,’ he thought, trying to stop himself from kissing the younger man silly. ‘Stop! What the hell is wrong with me?!’ But then he berated himself; he had never felt so out of control before, even when he was a love sick teenager with his first crush.

If he went a little harder on the trail than necessarily than that was his business and the younger man had no problems keeping up with him but halfway through he realized his massive mistake, as he stared with wide eyes while Buck took off his shirt and revealed broad shoulders, a tone chest and arms that seem to be strong enough to even carry Steve. ‘The things I would let those arms do with me,’ he licked his lips before catching himself and looking away, missing the smirk Buck sent him.

He noticed that he wasn’t the only one distracted by the blond man’s physic, a woman almost tripped and another almost crashed into someone else. ‘Thirsty much?’ he scoffed, ignoring the part of his brain that said he was no better. It wasn’t like Steve wasn’t getting his own looks but those didn’t bother him. He told himself that it was because Buck was in a very vulnerable state and not ready for that attention.

“Don’t worry, doll,” a voice whispered in his ear, making him shiver despite the blazing sun, “you’re the only one I care about arousing …attention from.” Steve felt the tip of a tongue touch his ear before the presence was gone, leaving him half hard and uncomfortable.

“Anyway, shall we?” The younger man asked before jogging forward.

‘Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea,’ Steve stared at Buck’s ass as the man jogged away and he licked his lips, ‘the best bad idea I’ve ever had.’

They reached the top with minimal eye fucking; if Steve seemed a little more touchy, shoving the blond or padding his back then he was just trying to ease tension, so what if he did it when someone just happened to undress Buck with their eyes, that was a coincidence. “So what did Danny ask you to talk to me or distracted me from?” Buck’s words reminded Steve what the goal of this outing had been.

He realized that he had actually been enjoying the younger man’s company so much that he forgot. It wasn’t even the attraction or sexual aspect; Buck kept sharing facts about Hawaii and the trail, some of which even Steve didn’t know. It seemed like a nervous habit but as they went along, Steve realized it was actually a quirk. “It’s adorable,” he had only realized he said that out loud because Buck stopped and turned to him with wide eyes.

Steve had to lie and hide his blush, which only exasperated him, ‘I’m too old for this.’ But as much as he wanted to take it back, he couldn’t because Buck also had a smile so bright that it filled Steve with warmth and made him smile back. In his opinion, it was a very good quality to have in a partner, Steve deals with so much darkness and drama that having someone that could easily make him smile and feel content seemed like a blessing.

‘But you don’t have him do you,’ a voice that sounded like Danny sneered and Steve ignored it as well as the pang he felt.

“This is amazing,” Buck sighed as he stared at the view with a soft smile. Before he could stop himself Steve lifted his phone and took a picture, fortunately there were enough people taking pictures of the view that Buck didn’t blink at the clicking sound. “Let’s take a picture,” the blond suddenly declared, startling Steve.

Before he could say anything, a hand on the back of his neck pulled him forward but instead of next to the younger man, Steve landed against a tone and sweaty chest. The hand moved down until it was wrapped around Steve’s lower back, making the older man shiver. “Smile,” Buck whispered in his ear, his voice deep yet soft; Steve could hear that was definitely a command. Buck held up his other hand with his phone and smiled before the clicking sound was heard.

The young man took a few photos, the first one had Buck staring at the phone smiling while Steve stared at the blond with a startled yet heated gaze. In the second one, Buck, feeling his stare, turned so they were both almost staring into each other’s eyes, so close that they were almost kissing. The third one had them both looking at the camera with a smile on their faces and the last one had Buck placing a surprise kiss on Steve’s cheek.

“So are you going to tell me?” Buck asked after they checked out the photos.

“Tell you what?” Buck sent him an unimpressed look.

“Did Danny send you to babysit me or talk to me?” Steve almost denied the accusation but Buck sent him a ‘don’t even try it’ look.

“To talk,” Steve admitted, “but to his credit, he just felt that you would like to talk to someone that may understand.”

Buck seemed confused about Steve’s words until a realization dawned on him, “this is about my time in service.” That wasn’t a question but Steve still nodded; silence fell over them, one not ready to speak and the other not willing to push. As Steve warned Danny, this was something that had to be done at Buck’s pace. If the younger man wanted to talk they would talk but if he wasn’t ready to talk forcing him would just make things worse.

“I can’t really remember any of it,” Buck finally revealed, “I can’t even remember what happened to make me forget.”

“Was it the reason you were discharged?” Buck nodded, staring into the horizon like the torture protagonist in a novel.

“They told me it was an ambush, I was already hurt but I got my team out of there, even carried a wound member at the risk of my own life; it all sounds very heroic,” Buck explained, his tone detached as if he were explaining the plot to a movie, one he didn’t see but read spoilers of. “We were almost home free when I took a bullet to the head,” the younger man touched the back of his head, Steve imagined that was where he no doubt had the wound’s scar from the bullet. 

“My team refused to leave me and got me home, they were sure they were taking a dead body back,” again, despite talking about his own death, Buck sounded too unaffected.

“But you survived,” Steve tried to get some emotion from the young man but he got nothing.

“Yeah, but that was all that came back with me.”

“You don’t remember anything at all?”

“Just sounds, smells and flashes,” he shrugged, “ as you can imagine none of them good. All the training, the instincts, and skills are still there, but the actual service is all just blurs of pain, heat, blood and more pain.” Buck suddenly chucked, “it was strange waking up knowing how to kill someone yet not knowing how I knew that. It was like those sci-fi or action movies where the assassin or deadly robot lost their memory and were confused as to why they had such skills.”

“I know that can’t be easy,” despite Buck’s joking manner, Steve knew how hard it had to be for the young man to have skills and abilities that did not go with any of his memories.

“It’s not too bad, I’ve seen veterans that remember too much and the consequences of that so I know there is a worse alternative,” Buck gave a soft self-deprecating smile that made Steve want to hug him and reassure him that his pain was valid. “But sometimes,” Buck hesitated, the younger man looked around. 

The sun was setting so there was a bigger crowd of hikers around them. Steve pulled Buck away from the main trail so that they had more privacy. They weren’t completely secluded, just leaning against a tree, seeming to enjoy the shade. “I feel this overwhelming darkness looming over me, a darkness that demands that I either kill or be killed almost as if I was still in an active war zone or my brain hadn’t left active SEAL mode,” Buck seemed almost scared to voice those words as he whispered.

“It sounds like your training is battling with your PTSD,” Steve declared; he understood how being a SEAL veteran wasn’t the same as being a regular veteran because from the very beginning SEALs were trained to be machines, beyond human, killers that only cared about and thought about the mission. Unfortunately, those that train them never think about how to turn this off, how to go back to being normal, to being human. This was why many SEALs go into jobs that keep their skills active, jobs that could delude the brain into thinking they were still doing what they were trained to do.

Steve explained this to Buck, not as an expert or a wise older SEAL, not even as a Lieutenant Commander, not even as Danny’s best friend, but just as a fellow SEAL that felt the same. “It’s something we all struggle with. Yes, even me,” Steve declared after seeing Buck’s incredulous look. “It might not seem like it because I have Five-0 and a bunch of family drama to keep me busy so it almost feels like I never left.”

“So you’re well adjusted?”

“Heavens no! Have you talked to Danny? I blow up something almost everyday and I’ve shot more people than I think the entirety of the HPD combined,” Steve teased, happy when he saw Buck actually smile.

“Danny did mention, once or twice that you can be a little trigger happy,” Buck declared with a serious and innocent look on his face but Steve saw the glint of amusement in his eyes.

“Oh, just once or twice,” Steve shoved the younger man who chuckled at his expense. For a few minutes the two men were just laughing and teasing each other in the glow of the setting sun.  They roughhoused a little until they stopped and watched the sunset, while almost holding each other. To an outsider perspective they looked like a couple very much in love with each other. Steve’s arm was over Buck’s shoulder as the younger man leaned against him while watching the beautiful sunset.

Steve can’t remember the last time he felt so at peace and content with a partner, ‘but he’s not my partner.’ He looked down at the young man who seemed mesmerized by the sunset, ‘what am I doing?’ He couldn’t help but wonder because what they were doing was definitely not sexual and what he was feeling wasn’t desire.

“How do you do it?”

“What?” Steve looked startled wondering if he spoke out loud.

“Balancing everything, pushing the darkness away,”

“I don’t, I just trick it,” Steve explained with a shrug, “I was lucky that what I found to trick it turned out to be my calling and something I love to do.” 

“So I should join Five-0,” Buck teased and Steve’s eyes widened.

“What?! Don’t even joke about that, Danny would seriously kill me.”

“I know,” Buck chuckled as if Steve’s life was a laughing matter.

‘Maybe he really is a Williams.’

Still, Steve watched the younger man laugh and he couldn’t help but smile. He felt this unbelievable urge to embrace the younger man and cover him in kisses until he rewarded Steve with the giggling chuckles he heard before. ‘Wait,’ those thoughts weren’t thoughts fueled by arousal and that alarmed him. His eyes widened because sex and even attraction, he could deal with but more, ‘I can’t,’ yet a part of him desperately wanted to and that scared Steve even more.

Chapter Text

L.A

Past

Josephina ‘Pepa’ had never been one to back down from conflict or uncomfortable situations, ever since she was a little girl, Pepa was the fierce problem solver. She was the scary sister to the kids that bullied her siblings, she was the only one that went toe-to-toe with her father when he was being unreasonable and her least favorite, she was the caretaker of the younger kids when her parents needed a babysitter or someone to be in charge. It was definitely exhausting to be the one everyone went to when they needed help; when her mother got older she was the one to take care of her, no one asked, they just assumed. Despite Pepa having a full-time job in a big law firm, having four children and a husband who was also sick, she moved her mother to L.A and took over her care.

She never complained or at least never let her complaints stop her from taking care of her family and getting things done. Her husband was a saint and tried to lighten the load or at least take care of her so she wouldn’t crash. Her children, when they were older, also tried to help or at least not add to the already heavy weight she carried. Her mother also became more understanding with age but with age she also needed Pepa more.

Pepa doesn’t mind as much now, when she was a little girl she was practically a third parent before she even knew where babies came from or how they were made. Now, her kids were older, she was retired and her grandkids were growing into a new and less toxic generation. Unfortunately for her, her brother was still very toxic and his wife was no better so her nieces and nephew were often in serious need of help.

Ramon and Helena weren’t great parents; Pepa had been witness to how horribly they raised their children who in spite of their parents failures, still turned out to be wonderful people, she loved them as if they were her own. That being said, Ramon’s children weren’t the best at dealing with their emotions and handling conflict. Adriana was far too confrontational to the point of being violent, Sophia was far too much of a people pleaser to the point that she often got taken advantage of and Eddie, her sweet Edmundo, was a carbon copy of his father. Her nephew bottled it all up until it exploded into an atomic bomb level explosion.

Pepa has tried to keep an eye on all of them and be there for them but she wasn’t able to always be there, this was something she always felt guilty about. Now that she had more available time, she tried to be there for them so when Maddie called her about Eddie, Pepa didn’t hesitate to call her nephew. Talking to him on the phone she immediately knew something was wrong, when she went to pick up Christopher for a sleepover with her grandchildren and she saw him, she realized things were worse than she expected. 

At the time, she didn’t say or do anything as her priority was Christopher. Pepa didn’t think that the boy was in danger but Eddie didn’t seem to be too aware of his surroundings so while he might not hurt his son, his state may cause something that he would later regret. She waited until Christopher was distracted before she drove back to Eddie’s house to really talk to the man.

“Tia Pepa, what are you…?”

“Edmundo, we need to talk,” the woman cut him off, walking into the place that looked more like a college frat boy’s dorm.

“What is it?” the man asked with the same devil-may-care, ‘nothing touches me’ tone that Pepa knew came from her brother. Ramon did the same thing when he wanted to show that he was the ‘alpha’, the one always in charge and in control.

‘ Hay mi pobre niño , you are so much like your father in the worst ways.’

“That’s what I want to know, what is going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Eddie’s tone was tense and it held something else that actually frightened Pepa. She doesn’t think that her nephew would physically hurt her or anyone he cared about but much like his mother, when he felt attacked or cornered, he wasn’t above inflicting some verbal and emotional damage. 

He was clearly trying to wave her words away and that would’ve worked on everyone except her and her mother because they grew up with the originator of that attitude. ‘Once you’ve seen someone as a whiny little boy that used to wet the bed, they were no longer terrifying and lose all credibility.’ Still, it concerned her that Eddie felt cornered so badly that even she was deemed a threat.

“You know exactly what I mean but if you want to act like you don’t then I will play the game,” The woman declared, calling his bluff, “but just remember that you wanted to play.”

“Tia,” there was so much exasperation in the man’s voice but Pepa was focused on the hint of vulnerability that Eddie tried to hide.

“Don’t bother,” she lifted her hand silencing the young man who to his credit actually looked chastised. “You forget I’ve not only had and raised four children but I have seen you grow up, Edmundo,” with those words, Pepa walked out, seeming disappointed but the reality was completely different.

“Carla,” outside she called the one person who could possibly offer her clarity. “It’s Eddie’s aunt, Pepa,” she smiled as the woman immediately recognized her. “Yes, I was just visiting Eddie and something is definitely wrong, I know it might be a lot to ask but can you keep an eye and see if you find something?”

Present

Carla doesn’t have children but that doesn’t stop her from having maternal instincts or being a protective mama bear when she felt one of her boys was hurt or something was just off. When Pepa called her about Eddie, Carla didn’t admit that she was already on alert as she had noticed the man’s behavior which was more alarming than the older woman knew. Sometimes when she arrived, Christopher was in the living room ready to go while Eddie slept, ‘more like passed out.’ One time, she arrived and was confronted with the sight of Christopher trying to serve himself breakfast and making a mess yet none of it woke up his usually alert father.

Before, Eddie would talk to her and ask her about Christopher’s day and what was going on with the boy but now he always seemed so eager to get them out the door. ‘At least when he comes back on time, unless he needs me to stay late.’ Arriving so late on the days he wasn’t working might not be strange for most but it was for Eddie. Even more alarming, he usually had new bruises that he waved away and seemed self-conscious about to the point that he almost snapped at Carla at one point.

What finally pushed her to act was a call from Christopher who had been scared after waking up late one night and not finding his father in the house. She rushed over and stayed with the little boy, discreetly worried although she told him that the man had stepped out for a few minutes. Ironically, it was the same thing that Eddie told her when she asked, what worried her was how chill the man seemed.

She needed to know what Eddie was up to because it was clearly not good, so one day when he asked her to stay late, she texted her husband who had already been around the block waiting, he’s been asking her stay late more and more so she knew it was coming; Carla asked her husband to stay with Christopher for a few minutes then she followed Eddie. She was a little concerned when they drove to a parking lot in a plaza with a few businesses which were all closed so the amount of cars alarmed her.

Carla was a little scared, sure that she had walked into something very sketchy but soon the sound of cheering drew her to the back side of one of the businesses. She found a crowd that cheered and jeered at two people in the center; Carla kept her distance because something told her that there were dangerous people here and she did not want to draw attention to herself. She almost gave herself away with a gasp as she saw that out of the two people fighting in the center, one of them was Eddie and he was a beast. 

She had never seen the man like that, he genuinely looked like a wild animal who had gone savage. There was a glint of madness in those normally tender eyes that it made her sick; it was almost like watching someone good and kind being slowly twisted and morph into a dark and violent person. She immediately left, not being able to witness much more of Eddie’s, quite frankly, viciousness.

“Pepa, things are much worse than we thought.”

When Eddie arrived almost three hours later, Christopher was asleep and while she and Pepa agreed to let the woman handle it, Carla couldn’t help but expressed her disapproval to the younger man. “A fight club, are you serious Eddie,” the way the man’s eyes widened told her that he was actually foolish enough to think this would never get out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tried to shake it off, calmly walking by her although his tense shoulders told her to tread carefully.

“Oh please, I saw it. Who knew you could be so vicious,” at this the man flinched.

“It’s just a hobby to relieve stress.”

“A hobby, did you even think about Christopher?”

“What about Christopher?” the man suddenly became defensive, “I would never hurt my son.”

“No but if someone else were to see you and recognize you, they could complain to child protective services,” she exclaimed, before reminding herself to lower her voice. “You can get Christopher taken away, didn’t you say that your parents were looking for any excuse?”

“That’s not going to happen,” despite his words, Eddie’s tone was unsure, his voice trembled slightly.

“Just like me finding out wasn’t going to happen?”

“It was just a one time thing,” they both knew the man was lying, “I promise I’ll stop.”

“Make sure that you do,” Carla declared and Eddie sighed almost in relief before smiling at the woman and it was painful because it almost looked like the smile she had once seen from the young man. She would let Pepa deal with this because it was clear that Eddie was too far gone for her to reach him.

‘I hope she has better luck,’ the woman silently prayed.

Pepa’s luck turned out to result in a screaming match between aunt and nephew. The woman berated the young man for being so stupid and careless, “you know what, congratulations! For once you are not like Ramon.” She knew that she might have been too harsh at certain points but she was so disappointed in Eddie, “but I never knew that would be a bad thing.” Carla had fortunately taken Christopher out so he wasn’t there to hear or witness the explosion.

“Why do you all insist on treating me like a child?! I can make my own decision and if I make a mistake then it’s mine to make.”

“Maybe because you are acting like one!” the woman exclaimed with a glare, “and own decisions?! Don’t make me laugh,” unlike her brother, Pepa tried to never judge but she always did point out when they were going down a bad path.

“So just like them you don’t think that I can,”

“This isn’t about can’t, Edmundo, this is about won’t,” Pepa declared her tone calmer, “you won’t talk to anyone, you won’t even acknowledge your feelings to yourself, you won’t let yourself feel because god forbid you act human, you won't ask for help but you also won’t go get help.

“I DON’T NEED HELP!”

“You leave your son alone to go beat up completely strangers like some fucking addict, and you’re here yelling at your tia who you claim to respect like you’re about to darme una pela, ” the woman’s words made Eddie flinched, “and you claim you don’t need help.”

“That was only once,” his words were almost mumbled now, subdued and it made her sigh.

“Edmundo, if you love your son and you want to be a good father to Christopher then you will admit you have a problem and get help,” Pepa declared with a loving and tender tone. “Or else I will personally help your parents in getting custody because the way you are going, you won’t be much better than them,” she knew it was harsh but Eddie was as stubborn as his father so he needed the harsh wake-up call.

“No, don’t, please,” Eddie pleaded, tears clouding his eyes, “I can’t lose him.”

“Then act like he’s your priority.”

“I will, I promise.”

Now, Pepa wasn’t a fool, she didn’t think that things would just work out, ‘after all a tiger can’t just change his stripes.’ Eddie had been conditioned by his father from a very young age to be this macho, always in control, man of the house and the man of the house never asked for help or talked about his feelings.

“That’s for women and maricas,”

When Eddie, at eight years old had repeated those words to her she had slapped him in the mouth, more out of instinct than actual anger. She corrected him and comforted him as he cried then she went and screamed at her brother for teaching her nephew to be a misogynistic asshole. 

“Don’t ever tell me how to raise my kids,”

“I won’t if you do it right!”   

He said somethings and she said somethings, in the end, she had been banned from their house and from seeing her nieces and nephew. All that to say, she had little hope that Eddie would accept help on the first try because Ramon usually needed a few wake-up calls and one was usually life threatening. Unfortunately or fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long for that moment as a few days later, Christopher called her sobbing about being scared because his father was screaming. The sound of things shattering in the background alarmed her, she called her son, Rafael who lived close by.

“I’m on my way,” the man declared after she explained, “Mami, wait for me,” he ordered, it was clear the man was worried about the situation and how dangerous Eddie could be in this state.

When they arrived, at first, all was quiet but then they got close and heard the screaming and shattering. Pepa used her keys and ran inside, focusing on her grandnephew and leaving Eddie to her son. “Tia!” Christopher exclaimed as soon as he saw her and ran into her arms, the little boy’s sob broke her heart.

“It’s okay, mijo ,” she reassured, “I’m here.”

“Dad, he was…”

“I know, Rafael’s got him.”

“Mom!” Pepa was surprised when her daughter Liliana rushed in, “what happened?”

The older woman shook her head and the two women focused on calming Christopher. When the boy was calm enough, Pepa left him with Liliana to check on Eddie and Rafael because things had been too quiet. She gasped as she saw the mess that Eddie had caused, “How is he?” She asked her son who was holding his cousin much like she had been holding Christopher. Rafael just shook his head and Pepa knew that the time for waiting and giving options was over. Eddie needed some tough love and that just happened to be her specialty. She made a few calls while making some tea to calm Eddie and hot chocolate for Christopher.

“What happened?” Pepa asked once her nephew was calmed and seemed more aware of his surroundings. He looked embarrassed for having been caught having what seemed to be a meltdown.

‘ Maldito Ramon,’ she cursed her brother for the damage he caused to his son.

“Nothing, just had a nightmare,” Eddie’s voice was hoarse yet the man still tried to act like him trashing his house was no big deal.

“This,” Pepa gestured to the mess, “was caused by a nightmare,” it was clear that the woman didn’t believe his excuse but Eddie didn’t try to justify or offer more information.

“Very well, Christopher is going to spend a few days at Alysia’s, Carla has already agreed to pick him up and drop him off from school,” it wasn’t a suggestion and they could hear it. Eddie’s eyes widened as he stared at his aunt who had just declared she was about to take his son. “Liliana is packing a few things for him,”

“No,” Eddie declared.

“Excuse me,” there was danger in the older woman’s tone, it was a ‘do you really want to challenge me right now’ tone that no one, not even Ramon ever went against.

“You can’t take my son from me.”

“Your son called me sobbing in a panic because his father woke him up, apparently having a nightmare ,” the way the woman sneered the word nightmare had Eddie and Rafael flinching, it was harsh for her to use that tone to speak about Eddie’s meltdown. “Your son is terrified and yet that doesn’t seem enough for you to wake up and realize you need help.”

“You’re not taking my son,” Eddie simply doubled down.

“It’s either me or child protective services the next time you have a ‘nightmare’ and your neighbors call the police.”

“Are you threatening me?” To everyone’s shock, Eddie growled, his eyes were wild as he stepped towards the older woman who flinched back.

“Woah,” Rafael rushed over, getting in front of his mother and glaring at Eddie. “Have you lost your mind?! This is the woman that practically helped raise you, who was always there for your dance competitions and helped you when you got sick from your father pressuring you too much, who took a whole month to help Shannon when you had to return to service right after Christopher was born,” he tried to make his cousin see reason, “and you want to what, hit her?”

“No, No!” Eddie stumbled back seemingly to snap out of his rage hazed, his eyes widened as if he was just realizing what he was about to do. “Tia, I would never…” He stuttered looking at her pleadingly.

“Edmundo, if you can’t realize how far you’ve fallen now,” Pepa’s voice was soft yet heartbroken, she couldn’t finish her words.

“I…I’m…” Eddie looked around, his eyes widened and glossy, “I don’t know,” they could both see the tracks in the dam Eddie’s always built around him become wider and wider before it all broke and it all overflooded. 

Just like that, Eddie fell to his knees and sobbed in front of other people, for the first time, since he was a little boy. Pepa sighed sadly before getting on her knees; ignoring her son's warning, she wrapped her arms around the sobbing man and held him. She knew that Eddie wasn’t aggressive or violent, he was just a traumatized little boy that was hurting and was taught to keep it all inside.

“I can’t stop,” the man declared between sobs, “it’s like a monster is eating away at me.”

“We will find a way,” Pepa reassured

“I’m not sure there’s a way,” Eddie admitted, “I’ve been like this for so long.”

Pepa looked at her son with wide eyes that the man mirrored, they had assumed that Eddie’s issue was PTSD from his time in service. “What do you mean?” Pepa felt a little guilty for taking advantage of Eddie’s vulnerable state to get him to talk but if she was going to help him, she needed to get him talking. Hearing Eddie talk about what he’s been feeling, alarmed her because things were worse than she thought.

“ Hay mi niño , we’re going to get you help, I promise.”

Fortunately, Pepa wasn’t alone and Eddie actually had a village behind him, although he didn’t realize. Carla was able to get an appointment for the next day with a therapist who specializes in PTSD. The woman was a godsent as she even sent a list of clinics for more in-depth treatment which Eddie might need, much like rehab for addicts.  

“The doctor might recommend some after evaluating him,”

Pepa even called the fire station Eddie worked at and the captain she spoke with was very understanding and even put her in contact with the right people in the department. She spoke to the union and even the chief spoke with her, the man was very understanding as well and shared sources for veterans. “He served us then came back and continued to serve, it’s only fair we serve him.” The man also approved the doctor Carla recommended and even told Pepa of organizations that offer assistance for veterans.

Eddie had never felt more embarrassed in his life since he puked on his dance partner’s shoes just before one of their competitions. He had not only had a breakdown in front of his son but also cried in front of his aunt and cousin, then the woman seemed to have shared his business with everyone so that even the chief called him to order him to take his time and get better, at least he did say that his job would be waiting for him at his return.

It was humiliating to be seen as being so weak, he could already hear both his mother and father berating him and complaining about his un-manly show of vulnerability. “You can’t even control your own house, why am I not surprise.” It would be Shannon’s funeral all over again and the mere thought made it hard to catch his breath.

‘Get a hold of yourself, I don’t panic,’ he reminded himself and managed to push the overwhelming feeling back.

“Why don’t you just let yourself feel it?” a voice suddenly asked, Eddie stared at the man before him.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Eddie shrugged, stiff at the man’s soft but knowing tone. “I don’t panic.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t need to, I can’t afford to panic.”

“Which is it, don’t need to or can’t afford to?”

Eddie had been going to these therapy sessions for two days and it all felt pointless, he should have never let his aunt talk him into staying at the clinic for a few days like the therapist recommended. “You should do this for Christopher. Don’t you want to show him that it’s okay to get help when he needs it? Mama and I will take care of him.” His aunt had a far too compelling point, ‘more like she used my weak point. But I’m not a fucking addict, I don’t need rehab.’

“Why does it matter?”

“Because whatever it is, is making you close yourself off, locking away your emotions until they explode from so much built up. Eddie, I know that you know that is not healthy.”

“Tell that to my father,” he mumbled but the therapist heard him.

“So you think you got this behavior from your father?”

“I wouldn’t say that but my father is definitely not a ‘talk about your feelings’ kind of guy.”

“And it works for him? He’s happy, successful?”

“I mean he does pretty well and he sure likes to pretend he is,” Eddie shrugged, almost rolling his eyes as he thought about his father’s arrogance.

“Is that what you want for yourself?”

“Not really,” Eddie’s tone was soft and hesitant but not because he had doubt in his answer but because he could begin to see how acting like his father would only lead him to having the same life that the man had.

Chapter Text

Hawaii

Did you know that the Iolani Palace is the only royal palace on American soil. 🤓 

Yes, I knew this.

The Hawaiian Islands were formed by volcanic activity. Kauaʻi is the oldest of the islands and the big island is the youngest? 🤯

You should see one in action.

1:58 AM

Mauna Kea is the world’s tallest volcano.

You do know it’s 2 AM

Sorry, when I can't sleep I usually go on research binges.

No worries

Is everything okay?

Yeah, just normal insomnia

I don’t think anyone would ever say that insomnia was normal.

Guess not 😅

Next day

Hawaii is the only state with a tropical rainforest.

Of course we are

Also Hawaii is the only state that grows coffee!

We should go to a plantation, 

might get free samples 😜

Since their hike, Steve noticed that something happened between them that seemed to have changed everything. Before, while they shared random facts and sexted, this only happened once or twice a week. All their conversations were mainly about sex and flirting, nothing serious almost like those online friends you met at a chat room but never saw in person. But after their hike, Buck started texting him daily, at first, it was just to thank him for the talk and hike but then he started sending random facts about the place they hiked at and later about Hawaii, until eventually he was talking about his day and other things a normal friend would text about. Steve was confused because he wasn’t sure what changed but he couldn't help and find it endearing. 

“Catherine texting you?” The sudden question from Kono surprised him, making him look up at the woman.

“You’re staring at your phone like a love sick teenage girl with her first crush,” his confusion must have been obvious because the woman clarified with a teasing grin. “You only get like that with Catherine or when you’re messing with Danny.”

“Yeah, she was just checking in,” Steve doesn’t know why he lied but the realization that he was acting this way over texts from some man he just had sex with once, ‘one that is my best friend’s younger brother at that,’ it made him uncomfortable.

Do you know that Hawaii is the only state outside of North America?!

You can actually mail a coconut just like a postcard 

That’s so wild!

Are you a regular milk or almond milk kind of guy?

You give regular milk vibes 😂

The black sand beach is actually made up of lava fragments!

This place gets cooler and cooler each day.

😍🩵🩵🏄

This old lady grabbed my ass today at the supermarket, 

She was with a kid! 😲

People live longer here, although I’m not surprised 🌺🏝️☀️🍍

I guess you knew all that 😅

They probably taught all this in school.

This was the reason that Steve stopped responding to the younger man’s texts. He remembered the warm feeling he got when they were watching the sunset together and if he was honest with himself, it scared him. For all that Danny said he was emotionally stunted, Steve could deal with and even ignore sexual attraction but he had never been one to ignore his feelings for someone else. ‘They called me Smooth Dog for more than sex,’ if he ever liked someone then he would without hesitation go up to them and do something about it.

Yet things were not as simple with Buck, not only because of his relationship with Danny but also because Steve’s relationship status was still sketchy at best and completely unavailable at worst. His situation was far too complicated and he carried far too much baggage for Buck to be involved even just as a casual affair. ‘I have a feeling that things between us could never be just casual,’ Steve thought as he remembered the warm feeling and the smile that graced his face every time Buck texted him.

Sorry, I know I can be too much.

I’ll stop now.

This was the best course of action yet for some reason Steve wasn’t satisfied by it. He could almost hear the sad and dejected tone from the younger man. ‘It’s for the best,’ even to him those words sounded like he was trying to convince himself. ‘I should just let it go,’ yet despite this his fingers moved on their own and before he knew it, he sent the younger man a reply.

There’s no need

To stop

“Why did I send that?!”

He wasn’t sure what made him do that or even why; he looked up and saw that the younger man himself walked into the office looking like a kicked puppy. His head lowered and his smile dimmed, there was even a fucking pout that Steve desperately wanted to kiss away. He had the urge to run over and do whatever it took to make the younger man smile. Then Buck pulled out his phone and stared at it before looking up at Steve, still in his office, and looked back down at his phone.

Steve saw the moment the younger man read his text because a smile slowly bloomed on his face and ‘bloom’ was definitely the right word as the smile started off with a lip twitch that slowly grew until it was so bright that Steve was left dazed. Everyone seemed to brighten at the sight of the smile that had been dimmed in the last few days. “Welcome back, kid,” Steve saw as Grover padded the younger blond in the back making him grin sheepishly. It was clear that the older man wasn’t welcoming him into the office and they understood what he meant.

Everyone else also greeted the younger man with the same happy smile and lack of questions, Steve could see that Buck was surprised; the younger man no doubt expected the inquisition about why he had been so down and what happened. It wasn’t that they didn’t care because they did bombard him with questions about how he’s been and what new places he’s seen. Kono immediately pulled him into a conversation about a new stunt she had to do in a case.

“I swear it was like free falling,” he could hear the young woman’s excited voice from all the way in his office which he refused to leave, now more than ever.

“I know you’re a neanderthal,” suddenly Danny’s voice snapped him out of his stubborn thoughts. “But this is a little much even for you.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Steve decided that ignorance was bliss, “but we do still have a case.”

“And we’re all working on it,” Danny snarked, never losing a beat, “Besides, how many times have we gotten visitors while on a case.” The way he said visitors told Steve that he was not talking about Buck or witnesses or suspects but more the many of Steve’s baggage that stop by bringing dirty laundry.

“Danno, I didn’t mean,” Steve tried to explain but Danny waved him away, clearly not offended by how prickly his best friend seemed to be.

“I don’t even have to ask who pissed in your cereal,” this time the short blond sighed as if Steve was the child that gave him the most headaches but he still loved him.

“Hey, Danny,” Kono entered the office before the short blond could begin his, no doubt, epic rant, “we got a lead.” Because Steve had so much paperwork with upcoming evaluations, Danny and Kono had been paired together for most of this case. The woman was the least confrontational when it came to dealing with Danny’s rants, besides Chin Ho but this case required a lot of research and hacking so he was needed in the office.

“Let’s go then, I’ll finally get to drive my car,” Danny snide while looking at Steve who simply stared with an innocently looking smile.

Soon it was just Lou, Chin Ho and Buck in the office; Steve focused back on his paperwork, hoping that he could get enough done to meet Danny and Kono at the scene and ruin his best friend’s day. He was so focused that he didn’t notice the time passing so he doesn’t know how long it’s been when he felt hands expertly massage his shoulders, “You’re so tense, doll.” If the hands hadn’t given away who was behind this, the voice definitely did.

Instead of relaxing, Steve couldn’t help but tense up; he looked up with wide eyes because while he enjoyed the thrill of hidden but public sex in his dream, in reality he rather not get caught. ‘Plus my team is much more observant in real life than in my dreams.’ To his surprise the office was completely empty, ‘when did this happen?’

“Lou headed out to talk to HPD and I told Chin Ho that I’ll let you know to keep an eye on the monitor while he goes get lunch.” The hands massaging his shoulders slide down to his chest, squeezing his pecks like they were boobs, “We’re all alone.”

“Buck, we really shouldn’t,” Steve tried to be the voice of reason except he leaned back giving the younger man better access to his front. His eyes closed as those hands reached the edge of his shirt and lifted it up, touching his bare skin. Those hands felt cold and he didn’t realize he was hot until those hands cooled him, it made him sigh.

“Why not? You’re so tense,” with those words, the hands divide into his pants and with some maneuvering wrapped around his half hard cock. “Besides,” the younger man leaned closer until Steve felt his lips touch the outer rim of his ear, “you told me I don’t need to stop.”

‘This is not what I meant!’ Steve mentally exclaimed because at the time Buck squeezed his cock making it hard for him to speak.

“But we should hurry,” the younger man declared, pulling Steve’s chair back and getting in front of him.

“What are you…?” Steve’s eyes widened as Buck got on his knees between his legs and with a smirk pulled out the older man’s cock which hardened at that sight.

“Like I’ve said, you’ve been so tense,” the younger man’s voice was smooth and low, it made Steve think of a chuffing tiger. “You’ve also put up with all my texting and random facts,” Buck began to leisurely stroke the man’s cock, pushing his thumb against the slit. “But most of all,” the younger man leaned over until Steve could feel his breath caress him, “I’ve been wanting to get my mouth on such a delicious treat for a while now.”

That was all the warning Steve got before his cock was almost fully engulfed, “Oh fuck,” all he could do was moan. Buck sucked like Steve’s balls were the fountain of youth and Steve was sure that the younger man was taking his soul with him. It shouldn’t surprise him that Buck was good with his mouth; the man licked up following the veins on Steve’s cock. Suddenly, the tip of Buck’s tongue pushed into the slit of his cock before he sucked the cock back in his mouth.

“Hmm,” Buck pulled away with an indecent slurp that filled the room, “Delicious.”

“Buck,” Steve’s voice was breathless and hoarse, he hadn’t realized that he had been moaning all this time. “Someone might…” his cock was once again engulfed and Steve held onto those soft curls for dear life as that head bobbed up and down. His mind was blank, he no longer cared if someone came, especially when he felt hands grab and squeeze his balls.

Then Steve heard the ding of the elevator but Buck didn’t stop, he wasn’t sure if it was the thrill of being caught, being exposed in his glass office, Buck making gulcking sound as if he was choking despite Steve knowing he could take him just fine or the hands playing with his balls, but before he knew it, Steve felt himself reaching the edge. His hands tightened on Buck’s hair; the younger man, almost as if hearing Steve’s thoughts about his prowess, decided to prove himself and took Steve’s whole cock into his mouth, sucking hard.

‘Fuck!’

With a, fortunately, silent scream Steve fell over the edge, his cum filling the younger man’s mouth. Steve was impressed and a little turned on by the fact that Buck easily swallowed his cum with a big gulp, not letting a single drop go. He looked at Steve with a very pleased, almost lecherous smile, licking his lips. “Hey Steve, have you seen Buck?” his eyes widened as he saw Chin Ho at the door.

“Found it!” The younger man declared crawling from under the desk holding something in his hands.

Buck looked up at Chin Ho, almost as if surprised that the man was back then blushed at being caught crawling on the floor. Steve pushed his chair forward covering his lap where his cock was still exposed. He thanked his SEAL training for the ability to keep a straight face much like Buck effortlessly played the innocent and embarrassed puppy. “Really Steve, you’re making him pick up your things?” Chin Ho teased and internally both Buck and Steve sighed knowing that they were in the clear. 

“Oh no, he didn’t make me get on my knees,” the wording might sound innocent to Chin Ho but Steve knew that Buck purposely used those words to tease him. “I was more than happy to help,” again Steve was the only one to hear and understand the innuendo. “Besides it was my fault for touching the models,” to Steve’s surprise, in Buck’s hands was a piece from one of Steve’s models.

‘When did he…?!’ Even Steve with his Navy SEAL training was impressed and stunned because it would take precision, care yet speed to take a piece from the models without destroying them but do it quick enough that Steve wouldn’t notice.

“Again Steve, I’m sorry,” Buck stood up and turned to him, head down like a chastise puppy; the change from dominant wolf to innocent puppy was startling and Steve was starting to think that the younger man had multiple personalities.

“No worries, you found it so no harm done,” Steve discreetly covered himself before standing up and taking the piece from Buck.

“Come on, I brought lunch,” Chin Ho declared and Buck happily followed.

‘I can almost see his tail wagging,’ Steve couldn’t help but think that it was adorable and he immediately shook his head at the thought. ‘Nope, still my best friend’s brother, not going to happen,’ the older man no longer used his relationship with Catherine as a reason because he was starting to realize that there was no relationship.

L.A

A few weeks earlier

(Before Buck’s or Eddie’s break down)     

Things in the Grant-Nash home had been tense since Athena had found out what had been happening at the 118, and in the last few weeks it only got worse. Husband and wife were clearly at odd ends, on one side with Athena’s disappointment in the man’s actions and on the other side with Bobby’s guilt despite the man starting his therapy sessions a few weeks ago. “It’s like living in a house with a cat and a dog,” May had pointed out when she spoke to her father about it. 

“Are they fighting? I thought  Bobby was speaking with someone, ” Michael asked; he was worried about the situation not only for his kids but for Athena and Bobby, one was family while the other was a dear friend.

“He is but it’s still like the dog stepped on the cat’s tail and she’s annoyed about it so she ignores him while he’s guilty about it and scared for repercussions,” Harry joked although his eyes showed that he wasn’t as unruffled as he seemed.

“That’s actually pretty accurate,” May, for once agreed with her brother because while her mother and Bobby didn’t fight or even argue, and she wasn’t worried about a possible divorce ‘at least not yet,’ it was clear that things weren’t okay. “It’s like the therapy stirred things up instead of outright fixing them.”  

She understood more than anyone that this was how therapy usually worked; they first needed to establish there was a problem and how deep it was before going about fixing it. “Think of it like moving all the furniture before cleaning so you can really see where the dirt is,” the therapist she had seen after her attempt, had once explained. It’s a slow moving process that took time and patience, it’s frustrating and at times annoying. May knew this and while she sympathized with Buck and how he had been treated, she could also see Bobby’s point of view; from the very beginning she had seen that to her step-father Buck wasn’t just another firefighter or employee.

‘Everyone knows that they are more like father and son.’

The problem was that Bobby hadn't figured out how to have or deal with children that weren’t his own, at least that was what his therapist pointed out to the man. She had heard Bobby share this with his mother and after hearing that she couldn’t unsee it. It was clear in the awkward way that he acted around her and Harry when he and her mother first got together. Bobby tried to befriend them, never parent even when he was given the okay from Athena and Michael, even when Harry and May began to see him as a parental figure. 

“She said that since I lost my own too early and didn’t get to figure out how I would act if my children had been in Buck’s position, I feel offkilter and emotionally unsteady. Like most new parents.” 

“And do you feel this is true?” Athena asked, patient and tender yet firm.

“At first, I didn’t but then I thought about and I realized that since the children were born I often left things to Macy,” the man revealed. “I used my work as an excuse to only do the bare minimum, change one diaper, tuck them in a few nights, play with them when the game wasn’t on, the things that my father did at first, before…”

That’s how far the conversation between the two got before May left at hearing the sound of sobbing. Fortunately, there was a respite from all the emotional hurricanes for May’s graduation party, it was the first time that the 118 had been together since the tsunami and May almost wished they hadn’t come because the tension was suffocating. Maddie left after dropping off her gift and Buck’s gift for her, ‘because of course he bought her a gift despite not being here,’ May thought with a smile.

Chimney looked like a kicked puppy the whole day until Hen practically kicked him out. Fortunately, the party wasn’t just the 118 so she was able to enjoy it although she did notice the tension and hidden ‘not really’ drama. Harry and Christopher were the only ones that seemed obliviously happy, while May noticed that the latter’s father looked like a junkie trying to quit cold turkey. The dark bags, ashen skin tone, his fingers twitching, bruised knuckles and even slightly bruised face.

“Is Eddie okay?” May asked her mother but the woman just looked at the man in question with her officer on a case face. She figured that her mother knew something but for some reason she had yet to do anything about it.

“He better be soon,” her mother just declared ominously as if she was giving the man some sort of chance to straighten out before she straightened him out.

May knew that this was her mother’s brand of parenting, firm, strict, and all tough love but she wondered if Eddie needed a more hands on, tender approach. ‘Some people don’t seek help unless they are pushed to or they hit rock bottom.’ She thought about her own experience hitting rock bottom and she wondered if it was necessary for someone to hit rock bottom for others to help them.

The truth was that Athena had been concerned ever since she saw Eddie at the fight club they busted a few days ago. She had talked to Bobby about it but she was realizing that the man wasn’t in the right state of mind to deal with things. ‘He also has blinders when it comes to certain people and certain subjects,’ for all her husband’s caring and understanding nature, Bobby was very much a product of his generation. He was more than happy to listen to others and even advise them but he trusted them to figure things out on their own, ‘how he was made to do as a child. I mean what mother leaves her child with her alcoholic husband,’ Athena thought in incredulous anger, ‘no matter how much he begs and pleads she was the parent, in the end the decision was hers to make and she made the wrong one.’

That revelation had been one that almost made her break her steel and unruffled demeanor; it had been during one of their joint sessions that Bobby revealed that he lived with his father until he died. The therapist, much like Athena, had seen that there was something there and lightly nudged until the man revealed how his parents separated and he chose to stay with his father. But to Athena it shouldn’t have been a choice, his father was an alcoholic and Bobby hero worshipped him.

‘Why would I leave my child who was at such an impressionable age in that environment.’ 

Athena was all for giving her children freedom and taking their opinions into account but they were still trying to figure things out while she had more experience with people and the world to know better. She knew there was more to Bobby’s time with his father than the man was willing to share but she hoped that the therapist could get him to talk when they had their one on one sessions. 

“So did you scold Eddie after the party?” She finally asked when the therapist asked if there was something they wanted to talk about. They had a joint session two days after the party and for now she wanted to talk about something other than the man’s childhood. 

“For what?” the man seemed confused and it annoyed Athena.

“For what, Bobby, something is clearly wrong with that boy.”

“Didn’t you say that was taken care of?”

“One of them was taken care of, not all of them,” she declared and the therapist just watched them calmly, used to a certain level of vagueness since with Athena’s job there were certain topics that were part of open cases and she couldn’t disclose much information on.

“I’m sure Eddie understands the gravity of his actions,” Bobby explained, to his credit sounding like the wise father everyone sees him as, “he’s a smart man.”

“But Buck wasn’t?” the sudden question made Bobby’s face freeze in his current expression, it was clear that Athena’s words caught him by surprise.

“What…what do you mean?”

“I can’t help but think how quick you are to trust Eddie’s judgement and ability to be an adult yet with Buck, who is not much younger than him, there is less trust about him being able to handle things.”

“That’s not the case,” one look from his wife cut off his words.

“So the whole issue with Buck not being ready despite multiple professionals declaring otherwise, was not you doubting that he could be responsible and take care of himself?”

There was a dead silence after that, Athena waiting for an answer and Bobby either unwilling to answer or not sure what to say. The therapist, for her part, simply took notes; she had learned a while ago that Athena Grant had a strong character that could not be corral or challenged, at least not in the way that one would debate an argument. It was like trying to tame fire or even stop an earthquake while it was in motion. The therapist knew that her job was providing relief in the aftermath.

“Buck had shown from the very beginning to be impulsive and reckless, my concern was perfectly accurate,” Bobby finally explained.

“But had he ever lied about an injury? And why would the doctors also lie?”

“I’m not saying they did,” Athena could see Bobby becoming frustrated, like he always did when his beliefs were questioned and he was made to confront something he didn’t want to confront.

“Then what were you saying?”

“He wasn’t ready,” Bobby’s tone grew more insistent and agitated.

“Said who?”

“He was on blood thinners…”

“Said who?” Athena kept pushing, not willing to let her husband work around things.

“I just wanted him to heal and when he was ready I would have happily welcomed him back,” it was clear that she was no longer the only one Bobby was trying to convince.

“Mrs. Grant-Nash,” it was time to calm things down before it all did more harm than good. As a therapist, she knew that it was sometimes good to explode, ‘in a safe and contained environment,’ she had seen more than a few explosions in this room but sometimes explosions could get out of hand.

“Said who?” The dark skinned woman ignored the therapist and continued to push.

“Athena,” Bobby called, his voice soft and pleading.

“Said who?”

“Said I!” Bobby finally popped, “I knew he wasn’t ready, he was just going to get hurt.”

“How did you know?”

“I think we should take a step back and calm down,” the therapist intervened but it was almost as if Bobby was already going to speak and the words could no longer be contained.

“Because I know him,” then there was a glazed look in the man’s eyes as he continued. “I held him in my arms when he was born, I raised him, I know how stubborn he could be. I know how he ignored all caution when he wanted to achieve something, Robbie had always been like that.”

“You mean Buck?” This time the therapist asked, easily noticing the man’s slip up. For once, she was actually listened to and the man turned to her in confusion as if he had forgotten she was also there.

‘I don’t blame him,’ the therapist, ‘does she want to put me out of a job?’

“What?” 

“You said Robbie but your wife was talking about Buck, is this the same person?” She knew it wasn’t but she wanted Bobby to realize the slip up and try to understand why it happened. Since they started their session, Buck had come up quite a few times and for a while she thought he was Bobby’s son as the man often spoke like an exasperated if not slightly disappointed father. Once she realized that Buck was just a firefighter under Bobby’s command, she realized there was a  problem.

“No, they’re not the same person. And yeah, of course, I meant Buck,” Bobby was clearly confused, his eyes seemed to review his words which he had not noticed weren’t about the man they were both talking about. 

“Did you?” the therapist asked, happy that the man’s wife took a step back and let her take it from her because now they needed a gentle hand. “I thought Buck was a firefighter under your command, have you known him since he was born?” 

“No, I didn’t, I just meant that since Buck and my son were so similar…”

“But were they? Didn’t you say that Robbie was more introverted and reserved from what you’ve told me about Buck, the young man sounds extroverted, charming and friendly. Was I wrong?”

“You weren’t,” Athena was the one to answer but the woman said nothing else.  

“Bobby, you do understand that Robbie and Buck were two completely different people, they might have shared some similarities but at the end of the day they were their own people,” the therapist explained to the man, her tone soft and cautious as if she was worried that this revelation would make him snap.

“Of course,” his tone said ‘yes’, his eyes said no and his shoulders said he didn’t like the idea.

“Bobby,” Athena placed her hand on his face, pulling his attention away from the therapist and making him look into her eyes, “do you really know the difference?”

“Of course I do! Robbie was my son,”

“And Buck was your employee,” the therapist reaffirmed, knowing the importance of setting clear boundaries when it comes to relationship titles. She had noticed that while some people might not like titles, the lack of them could often lead to confusion and miscommunication.

“And for this I shouldn’t care about him?”

“Bobby, you know what you did went beyond simple caring,” Athena exclaimed, unable to sugarcoat things for her husband any longer. Bobby was dead set on staying ignorant to everything, “Why was it so important that Buck listen to you and not return until you deemed him ready? Why did it hurt so much that he sued the department when it was clear that he was in the right? Why treat him like a traitor when he was just doing what anyone else would do when faced with a threat to his career and his way of life?”

“Because…” the man struggled like Athena knew he would.

“Why?”

“Mrs. Grant-Nash,” the therapist chastised the woman as she wasn’t too pleased with her brand of nudging, which often felt more like pressure; she wanted Bobby to reach the conclusions on his own. It was better that he took his time because when a patient takes their time, she noticed that the lesson was more likely to set in.

“Because I failed him once and I refuse to failed him again.”

“Failed who?” But the therapist had to agree that the woman was getting results.

“Robbie,” the answer was practically yelled out in a ‘are you happy now?!’ tone. Once again the exclamation from the man was greeted by a dead silence as Athena seemed to realize she might have pushed too hard and the therapist took some notes.

“How could you fail Robbie again when we’re talking about Buck?” The therapist question broke the silence and it made the man stutter.

‘There it is,’ both women couldn’t help but think.

Bobby had figured out long ago that he had been seeing Robbie in Buck for a long time, he had accepted that a part of him saw the younger man as the opportunity to raise and watch his little boy become a man. Buck was the opportunity to protect Robbie, guide him and make up for his mistakes which caused them their lives. He knew this, he had been in denial at first but after the lawsuit and once things blew up, he could see what he had been doing. But this was the first time he admitted it out loud. Before he could have ignored it or pushed it back as not a big deal, ‘it’s not like I was taken advantage of Buck, he was getting the parental validation he craved.’

“But it wasn’t for him,” he must have said those words out loud because his therapist spoke. “Do you think it was fair to Buck that he was never seen as himself, that what you offered wasn’t because of who he was, that he didn’t earn it but just happened to look like or have the same age as the person you truly wanted to give it to.”

“Buck didn’t deserve to be turned into a replacement,” Athena added to the therapist’s words, “especially not after what his parents have done to him. That boy had never been seen or wanted for himself only for what others have thought of him or wanted him to be.”

“Bobby, do you think that’s fair?” the therapist asked, her tone soft and surprisingly unjudgmental.

“No,” tears ran down his eyes, “I never wanted to…” he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, his emotions felt like a whirlwind and he couldn’t get them in control long enough to speak.

‘Oh god, Buck,’ he thought of the bright smile and the eager to please eyes, ‘I’m sorry, I swear I never meant to hurt you.’ Bobby thought of the cheerful voice that was always happy to be there and the face that glowed when he was included even when it was just to tease him, ‘that is the last thing I wanted, I just…’ he wanted to see Robbie, to hold his little boy, to apologize, he needed to believe that there was a reason he made it and they didn’t.

“I think we should stop here,” his therapist’s voice reached his ears but it was like muffled sounds after an explosion, he felt Athena’s arms hold him and Bobby fell into them. He cried for the son and family he lost due to his negligence and sickness, for the firehouse he let down, for the wife he disappointed and for the son he lost due to his own foolishness and inability to see beyond his grief.

‘I’m sorry, Buck,’ a bright smile that always forgave flashed in his mind. ‘I’m sorry, Robbie,’ soft but intense eyes stared at him with a pensive look. ‘I’m sorry, Brooke,’ a cheeky grin and wink. ‘I’m sorry, Macy,’ sad yet understanding eyes stared and suddenly it felt like there were more people in the room than just Athena and his therapist.