Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PABU’S SLAY SQUAD
Monday

Korra, 11:56 am: Just wanted to let everyone know, Mako and I are over. I can’t be with someone who would put their job over their relationship.

Mako, 11:56 am: Yeah, thanks, Korra. Like you’ve never done that before.

Korra, 11:57 am: I’m the Avatar, Mako. What I do actually matters.

Mako, 11:58 am: I’m a police officer, Korra. Pretty sure what I do makes a difference, in, you know stopping people from getting killed.

Korra, 11:59 am: Puh-lease. You’ve been a meter maid for the past month.

Mako, 11:59 am: God, Korra, haven’t you ever heard of moving up the ranks? Like, say, when you went from a half-baked Avatar that couldn’t even Airbend to, you know, a moderately decent hero of Republic City.

Korra, 12:00 pm: Wow, Mako, learn some Math. I could Earthbend, Firebend and Waterbend, pretty sure that made me at least a ¾ baked Avatar. Really, I thought you were supposed to be the smart brother.

Bolin, 12:01 pm: Gotta say, I’m a little offended.

Korra, 12:01 pm: Stay out of it, Bolin.

Bolin, 12:02 pm: I would, but you’re kinda putting everything on the group chat, which is sorta a public place. 

Asami, 12:03 pm: He’s got a point. Maybe you two want to continue this privately?

Mako, 12:03 pm: THANK YOU, ASAMI. Remind me why we ever broke up?

Asami, 12:03 pm: You cheated on me with Korra, remember?

Mako, 12:04 pm: Oh yeah. Which you never would have found out about if it wasn’t for BOLIN.

Asami, 12:04 pm: Don’t blame your brother for what YOU DID, Mako. Why do we have to keep having this argument?

Korra, 12:05 pm: Wow, Mako. Having arguments with other women, huh? You know, I’m GLAD we broke up. I deserve someone better anyway.

Asami, 12:06 pm: Good for you, Korra. Are we done now?

Korra, 12:06 pm: Fine.

Mako, 12:06 pm: Great.

Korra, 12:06 pm: Don’t use that tone with me!

Mako, 12:07 pm: WHAT TONE? WE’RE NOT EVEN SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER!

Korra, 12:08 pm: Not anymore we aren’t. Good luck hearing from me ever again.

  Asami has left the chat.

                                  
                               Bolin has renamed the chat to ‘Pabu’s Drama Queens’.

                          Bolin has changed the chat picture.

Korra, 12:10 pm: Aww, that’s a cute picture of Pabu.

Bolin, 12:10 pm: Aww, thanks Korra.

Mako, 12:11 pm: Wow, trying to take my own brother from me. That’s low, even for you, Avatar. You know he’s easily swayed by compliments.

Bolin, 12:12 pm: I wish you had a little more confidence in me, Mako. I make a lot of good decisions.

Varrick, 12:14 pm: Hey there, guys! I just bought this company that sells pet outfits and I feel like you guys would be great recruits! We also want Pabu to be brand ambassador. And make sure to tell all your friends about this, because I promise you, We_R_reliiable_PetClothesTM  is a million-yuan industry!

Bolin, 12:15 pm: Yep, that sounds reliable! I’m in! What do I have to do?

Varrick, 12:15 pm: Well, Bolin, all I need you to do is buy just a few outfits to re-distribute! And sign this contract.

                Varrick has shared a file.

Bolin, 12:17 pm: Sure!

Bolin, 12:20 pm: Umm, Varrick, why is this document 532 pages long?

Varrick, 12:21 pm: Not to worry, Bolin! Just a few standard Ts and Cs! You can go ahead and just sign the first page, no need to read all those boring financially binding conditions!

Bolin, 12:22 pm: Yay! Here you go!

                                                                                                               Bolin has shared a file.

                                                                                                                 Bolin has sent a GIF.

Varrick, 12:24 pm: Is that Pabu dancing? Because I have to say, it is absolutely adorable!

Bolin, 12:24 pm: Aww, thanks Varrick! What was that other thing you needed me to do again?

Varrick, 12:25 pm: Oh, just buy a few gorgeous and very well-made pet outfits to re-distribute! And don’t forget to tell your friends and family, and even your not-friends how great a time you are having at We_R_reliiable_PetClothesTM!!!

Bolin, 12:26 pm: OK! How many outfits?

Varrick, 12:27 pm: I like you, Bolin. I don’t want to make you have to work hard! So, how about just… let’s say the measly amount of 6 000 000? Think you can do that, Tiger-shark?

Bolin, 12:28 pm: Ummm… no?

Korra, 12:30 pm: No surprise he has commitment issues. Guess it runs in the family.

Mako, 12:31 pm: Great job, Korra. Making EVERYTHING about you as usual.

                                                                                                              Asami has re-joined the chat

Asami, 12:32 pm: I’m hoping this stupid fight is over now?

Mako, 12:33 pm: It WAS, but then AVATAR KORRA had to START IT ALL BACK UP AGAIN.

Korra, 12:34 pm: I’m just saying it’s NO SURPRISE that Bolin can’t fulfil his duties as part of We_R_reliiable_PetClothesTM seeing as he’s YOUR brother, MAKO. I mean, he wasn’t even committed enough to marry Eska! And YOU CLEARLY aren’t committed enough to TRUST YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND.

Eska (sister of Desna), 12:35 pm: This is true. I am coming for you, Turtle-duck.

Korra, 12:35 pm: What??? Eska, how did you get on this chat? And why is your name down as ‘Eska (sister of Desna)’?

Desna (brother of Eska), 12:35 pm: I have hacked your connection. And Eska and I are siblings, I do not understand why you believe we should keep this fact a secret. Is clarification a crime to you, cousin?

Asami, 12:36 pm: Um, @Bolin, you know this contract says that signing it means that you understand that if you don’t recruit a minimum of 2 000 000 000 new members a year, the company has a right to take your soul, right?

Bolin, 12:37 pm: WHHHAAAAATTTT????? I don’t want to do that!!!

Asami, 12:37 pm: Why didn’t you read the contract before signing?

Bolin, 12:38 pm: Varrick said I didn’t have to read all of it!

Asami, 12:38 pm: So, you didn’t even read THE FIRST PAGE?

Bolin, 12:39 pm: …

Bolin, 12:45 pm: …

Asami, 12:46 pm: Bolin, why aren’t you responding?

Bolin, 12:55 pm: Bolin is currently offline.

Asami, 12:55 pm: Bolin, I know you’re still there. 

Bolin, 1:05 pm: Hello, you’ve reached Bolin’s phone. How can I help you?

Asami, 1:06 pm: BOLIN!

Bolin, 1:07 pm: OK, fine. I made a mistake.

Mako, 1:08 pm: SEE @Korra, I TOLD YOU HE WAS EASILY SWAYED.

Korra, 1:08 pm: So, looks like you have just as little faith in your own brother as you have in me, Mako.

                                                                    Korra has changed the chat name to ‘THE AVATAR (and her stupid ex)’

Asami, 1:09 pm: Well, leave the rest of us out, why don’t you!

                                                               Asami has changed the chat name to ‘THE AVATAR AND HER FRIENDS + her stupid ex’

Bolin, 1:10 pm: Rude.

                                                              Bolin has changed the chat name to ‘Pabu and The Avatar + her friends and also her stupid ex’

Mako, 1:12 pm: So, all of you are just TOTALLY IGNORING how she called me her ‘stupid ex’?

Asami, 1:12 pm: Asami is currently offline.

Mako, 1:12 pm: Whatever.

                                                                     Mako has changed the chat name to ‘HOT FIREBENDER and Co.’

Varrick, 1:15 pm: Hey, Mako! How would you like to join a very successful and reliable organization and earn a lot of money?

Mako, 1:15 pm: Not now, Varrick. I’m in the middle of arguing with Korra.

                                                                                 Korra has changed the chat name to ‘MAKO SUCKS’.

Mako, 1:16 pm: Way to be mature, Korra.

Varrick, 1:17 pm: How about you, Asami? Surely, you’d like to earn some extra yuan??? Keep Future Industries afloat???

Asami, 1:17 pm: And sacrifice my soul? No, thanks.

Varrick, 1:18 pm: OK, then! What about you, Korra? It would be simply AMAZING to have an AVATAR on the team! Think of how many people you could recruit!

Eska (sister of Desna), 1:18 pm: I would be happy to join your pyramid scheme, Varrick. In exchange for revenge on feeble Bolin.

Varrick, 1:19 pm: PYRAMID SCHEME???!!!! I AM INSULTED!!! We_R_reliiable_PetClothesTM is a VERY reliiable business venture!!!

Mako, 1:20 pm: Reliiable? You mean like Korra?

Korra, 1:20 pm: What do you mean? You’re the one that betrayed ALL OF US, just so you could get the president to LIKE YOU!

Asami, 1:25 pm: Listen, you two. This is getting ridiculous. This stupid fight has been going on for over an hour, and it’s not worth it. You don’t have to be the same person and like the same things for you two to like EACH OTHER. Let’s be honest, the two of you have been falling in love with each other since the moment you met, and maybe you didn’t realize it, and maybe it took a few breakups along the way to get there, but you’ve fought for this relationship. Don’t let it go for some lame fight.

Mako, 1:25 pm: Whatever, Asami.

Korra, 1:25 pm: Yeah, shut up, Asami.

Asami, 1:26 pm: Why do I even try?

                                                                                                              Asami has left the chat.

                                                                                   Bolin has changed the chat name to ‘MAKO SUCKS (minus Asami)’

Varrick, 1:30 pm: Listen there, Tiger-shark, I really am going to need those recruits… So, just putting it out there, there is a time crunch in the contract… first 200 recruits are due by tomorrow. Just, you know, if you want to keep your soul.

Eska (sister of Desna), 1:35 pm: Boyfriend, I command you not to give your soul to another. Your soul belongs to ME.

 Bolin, 1:36 pm: Yes, dear.

Korra is now offline.
 Mako is now offline.
Eska (sister of Desna) is now offline.
Desna (brother of Eska) is now offline.
Bolin is now offline.

Tuesday

Varrick, 12:23 am: Umm… guys… I was serious about the soul thing…

Chapter Text

THE OFFSPRING OF UNALAQ AND MALINA (*^▽^*)

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:42 pm: I see you have updated the chat name, brother.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:42 pm: Well noticed, Eska. Do you appreciate my jaunty emoticon?

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:43 pm: It is decidedly jaunty, which is not a common characteristic of you, though I believe I will become accustomed to it, over time. Might I ask why you have decided to embrace this jaunty side of yourself? Is it perhaps a mid-life crisis?

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:43 pm: It is my hope that your theory is incorrect, the reason being I aspire to live longer than thirty-two years. Unfortunately, I cannot answer your former question, as I am still puzzling it out myself. My best hypothesis is that I was simply… following a whim. Perhaps I am experiencing a ‘mid-life crisis.’ I believe this is an appropriate situation to deploy the popular interjection ‘darn.’

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: Indeed.

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: I must apologize for my late response. It is my prime objective to reply within the minute, but alas, even I was incapable of completing a message in the remaining 0.5 milliseconds of the time 15:43.  I apologize for the wait time.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: I forgive you, though I will store this action in my brain so that I might gain a favor from you as a form of repaying the debt of this great forgiveness. In informal language, I believe the term is ‘you owe me one.’

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: I understand and thank you for your forgiveness. IOU.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: Sister, excuse my ignorance, but what is the meaning of /aɪˈoʊ/ (I-oh) /juː/ ?

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: Apologies brother, but I struggle to compute your message. Please grant me the favor of explanation.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: I believe that phonetically, IOU would be pronounced /aɪˈoʊ/ (I-oh) /juː/ , unless I am mistaken. Might I ask what this new word means and why you have selected it.

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: I see. I believe I have been exposed to the feeble mind of Bolin for a greater amount of time than is healthy, and have adopted - excuse me as I come to terms with my realization - popular text abbreviations.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: *Gasp*

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: Excuse my outburst, sister, however, I seem to be experiencing shock.

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: It would be deceitful of me to say I was not feeling the same.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: It appears I am not alone in the feeling of jauntiness today. Our modern teenage communicating style has become so wild. I mourn the loss of a past Desna that did not indulge in emoticons. Farewell, formal Desna. May your soul be commended and may we meet again soon.  

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: Farewell, formal Eska. You will always be a higher being than the kind I am as of the current time and I envy you for it.

Desna (brother of Eska,) 3:44 pm: Indeed.  

Eska (sister of Desna), 3:44 pm: Please forgive my weakness, brother. My fingers grow tired, and I must bid you farewell.

Desna (brother of Eska), 3:44 pm: You are forgiven, sister. Farewell.

                                                  Eska (sister of Desna) is now offline.
                                                Desna (brother of Eska) is now offline.

MEANWHILE, MAKO AND BOLIN HAVING THE SAME CONVERSATION…

PABU’S FRIEND FOR LIFE AND HIS BROTHER

Mako, 3:43 pm: Hey. U updated the chat name?

Bolin, 3:44 pm: Yep.

Mako, 3:45 pm: Cool.

Bolin, 3:47 pm: Yep. Wyd?

Mako, 3:50 pm: Nothing. U?

Bolin, 3:52 pm: Nth.

Mako, 3:54 pm:  Cool.

Bolin, 3:59 pm: Gtg. CU.

Mako, 4:02 pm: See u.

                                                                   Mako is now offline.

                                          Bolin is now scrolling through funny fire ferret videos.

Chapter Text

                                                                                                        Pabu's Slay Squad

Ryoko, 8:26 pm: Dear Koala-Otter, 

The past few months have been the best of my life. Even though we have to hide, being with you is like seeing light for the first time. 

You are the air I breathe and the water I bend. 

You are everything to me, and I can't imagine a world without you. 

Thank you for all the tender moments, all the secret kisses and every minute that you make me feel so loved. 

What I'm trying to say is: I love you, Desna. 

I'm in love with you. 

I can't deny it and I will never stop loving you. 

You don't have to feel the same, but I thought you should know. 

Love forever, 
Your Otter-Penguin, 
Ryoko ❤️❤️❤️

Bolin, 8:30 pm: Aww, sweet! 

Ryoko, 8:31 pm: Thank you!

Ryoko, 8:31 pm: WAIT. Bolin???

Ryoko, 8:32 pm: How did you get on this chat???

Korra, 8:32 pm: *@Korra is replying to a message from: @Ryoko @ 8:26 pm* Ryoko, what is this???

Ryoko, 8:33 pm: KORRA???

Ryoko, 8:33 pm: HOW DID YOU GET ON THIS CHAT???

Mako, 8:34 pm: Ryoko, it's the group chat. 

Ryoko, 8:34 pm: THE GROUP CHAT???????

Ryoko, 8:36 pm: Well, good, because that message was for all of you guys! I love you, my dearest Koala-Otters! You guys are my best friends! 🥰🥰🥰

Korra, 8:37 pm: Then why does it say, "I love you, DESNA"? 

Desna (brother of Eska), 8:37 pm: @Ryoko, I was in the state of belief that I was your only Koala-Otter. Is this untrue?

Ryoko, 8:37 pm: You are! 

Korra, 8:37 pm: Then who is the message for? 

Bolin, 8:38 pm: Are you and Desna together?

Ryoko, 8:38 pm: No!

Desna (brother of Eska), 8:38 pm: I thought you despised hiding, boyfriend. 

Eska (sister of Desna), 8:38 pm: Boyfriend? Why did you not tell me you had a male accomplice romantic partner, brother?

Desna (brother of Eska) 8:38 pm: Desna is currently offline. 

Asami, 8:39 pm: Nice try, Desna. Who's the message for? 

Bolin, 8:40 pm: Yeah! Who's it for???

Mako, 8:40 pm: Who???

Varrick, 8:40 pm: WHO???

Ryoko, 8:41 pm: No one!

Ryoko, 8:41 pm: I don't know! 

Ryoko, 8:41 pm: LEAVE ME ALONE. 

Ryoko, 8:42 pm: I'm straight. 

Desna (brother of Eska), 8:42 pm: Haha, Ryoko. You are very humorous. 

Asami, 8:42 pm: You know, it's okay if you two are together. We support you. 

Korra, 8:42 pm: Yeah! 

Bolin, 8:43 pm: Yeah! 

Mako, 8:43 pm: Yes! 

Eska (sister of Desna), 8:43 pm: I also support you, brother.

Varrick, 8:43 pm: I agree! Also, while I have you guys, I'd like to talk to you about my new business venture: Pieramind Scheme! They recruit people to sell pies!

                                                                                                         Asami is now offline. 
                                                                                                          Korra is now offline. 
                                                                                                          Bolin is now offline.
                                                                                                          Mako is now offline.
                                                                                                Eska (sister of Desna) is now offline. 


                                                                                                       Contact name: Ryoko ❤️

Desna (brother of Eska), 8:45 pm: I love you too, Otter-Penguin. 

Chapter Text

                                                            Desna (partner of Ryoko) has been added to a group chat: Very Serious Intervention 

Bolin, 4:13 am: Welcome to VERY SERIOUS INTERVENTION. 

Eska (partner of Bolin), 4:13 am: Boyfriend, what is the meaning of this?

Bolin, 4:14 am: You have a problem, Eska. 

Ryoko, 4:14 am: So do you, Desna. 

Bolin, 4:15 am: A VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM. 

Desna (partner of Ryoko), 4:15 am: I am afraid I am oblivious to said problem. Please enlighten me. 

Eska (partner of Bolin), 4:15 am: I wish to also be enlightened.

Bolin, 4:21 am: @Ryoko, aren't you gonna explain???

Ryoko, 4:22 am: No! You lost water, fire, earth!

Eska (partner of Bolin), 4:22 am: This problem has been discussed between the two of you?

Ryoko, 4:24 am: yes...

Bolin, 4:25 am: we had NO other choice...

Desna (partner of Ryoko), 4:25 am: Ryoko, I would have appreciated it if you had forewarned me that you would be involving me in an intervention. 

Eska (partner of Bolin), 4: 25 am: May I ask what this intervention even is for? 

Bolin, 4:26 am: its about an...uh...repeating problem you keep doing

Eska (partner of Bolin), 4:26 am: Is it my repeating jealousy? I thought I assured you I'd fix that when dolphin-pirhanas walk

Desna (partner of Ryoko0, 4:26am: @Bolin, grammatically you would say "it's." 

Ryoko, 4:27 am: Babe, that - what your doing right there - is part of the problem. 

Desna (partner of Ryoko), 4:27 am: *You're 

Bolin, 4:33 am: THATS IT. I CANT TAKE THIS INSANITY ANYMORE. IM TIRED OF TEXTING GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT AND HAVING TO EXPLAIN REFERENCES! 

Ryoko, 4:35 am: Yeah, that's about as nicely as I can put it...

Bolin, 4:37 am: Desna and Eska, you both are too educated on grammar and dont get enough references or slang!!! 😡

Eska (partner of Bolin) 4:37 am: Do not ridicule us! Desna (my brother) has just recovered from an early mid-life crisis regarding this subject. 

Ryoko, 4:38 am: You mean a crash out? 

Desna (partner of Ryoko), 4:38 am: Ryoko! My own partner mocks me for such sensitive topics!

Bolin, 4;40am: were not MOCKING you, were just saying your out of touch...

Eska (partner of Bolin) 4:40 am: The Earthbender that cannot tell the difference between "were" and "we're" claims we are out of touch?

Ryoko, 4:41 am: We're just saying your not very... hip 

Eska (partner of Bolin), 4:41 am: EXCUSES! Excuses for mockery!

Desna (partner of Ryoko) 4:41 am: Ryoko, I do not understand. I have hips. You have seen the hips that belong to me 

Ryoko, 4:42 am: THIS. THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT BABE. I LOVE YOU AND IM SORRY BUT IM SICK OF THIS. IM SICK OF EXPLAINING SLANG TO YOU BECAUSE YOU USE THE INTERNET LIKE A GRANPA!

Ryoko, 4:42 am: *@Ryoko is relpying to @Desna (partner of Ryoko)'s message @ 4:41 am* By the way, you forgot the full stop after 'me.' 

Bolin, 4:43 am: NO! YOUR BECOMING ONE OF THEM!!!!

Desna and Eska's joint account, 4:43 am: Join us, Ryoko. 

                                  @Desna and Eska's joint account has changed the conversation name to "Intervention for Incorrect Grammatical Usage."

Bolin, 4:46 am: I give up

                                                                                                         Bolin is now offline. 
Desna (partner of Ryoko), 4:46 am: Yay! (*^▽^*)