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Chapter Text

High atop Mount Olympus lay the Greek Gods...

Primary inspiration for the Roman Gods, those atop the golden city ruled with respect and fear, or at least they did...ever since the fall of the Roman Empire, those decried as "pagan gods" were slowly but ultimately replaced with that of Christian Orthodoxy.
The Greek Gods were no longer worshipped by the masses. Yet, thanks to archaeological intrigue, they still live with us to this day, legendary stories of gods, heroes, and monsters that have excited the public imagination for generations.
This is one of them.

High atop Mount Olympus lay the Greek Gods, and their ruler, mighty Zeus...

He is bored.
As the childish lightning god sighed ever so deeply...repeatedly, his wife, the just-as-insane Hera, finally speaks up; "What the hell are you sighing for?"
"What?" Finally said Zeus. "Oh, no, no I'm fine, don't worry about it..." He scoffed in her direction. Hera fought back with a scoff of higher accord. "No, you're NOT fine, and I'd prefer if we dealt with it now than later! What's bugging you?"
"Hrmgmggnfmgg...nothing HAPPENS around here anymore! What happened to this place?" Zeus slumped down in his throne. "Oh." Hera said sarcastically. "Is the mighty Zeus feeling restless on his golden throne again?? Just let it pass, it always does"
"Nonono, this time it's different!! Like, shouldn’t there be a big crisis or adventure for us to watch over right now? Nothing’s happened in ages!!" Zeus shifts uncomfortably. "Where’d all the heroes go!”
"Well, someone stopped cheating on his wife to make them!" Hera sneered, her sarcastic wit is what attracted Zeus to her in the first place, but now she only serves as an endless reminder of the Olympians' former glory.
"...Well, I'm gonna go find them! Bye!!!!!"
Zeus gets up from his throne and begins walking.
"Where the hell are you going!?" Hera shouted. "Elsewhere! I'm gonna see how the kids are doing. A-and my brothers probably!"
Zeus was already way past the gate for any last remark from his sister-wife, Hera just sighed and continue drowning her malaise in wine on her own, much smaller throne.

~~~

Ever the father of the year, Zeus chose his favorite child to seek first, Athena, the goddess of heroic war, there had been a major mortal war going on up north, and while this place was outside his realm’s sphere of influence, it was the only place of importance he assumed his daughter would be involved in.

Thousands of trenches crossed from one end of the horizon to the other, no man's land, true war. And Zeus, who hadn't been outside since the Fall of his worshippers, is dressed in but a toga in the middle of it.
"ATHENA! HELLO!?
ARE YOU AND ARES STILL WRESTLING?"
The ignorant lightning god treads the trenches, bullets fly past him, none hit of course, but the attempt at hiding his true identity is non-existent. Suddenly! Zeus is tackled from behind by a German soldier with an odd decoration on his helmet.

"HEY! HOW DARE YE! YOU SHOULD KNOW WHO YOU'RE MESSING WI-"
As Zeus looked closer, he recognized the decoration instantly, it was the Spartan crest.
"Ares?"
"FATHER!! WHAT BE YOUR PURPOSES IN A PLACE LIKE THIS!?"

Unlike Athena, the god of bloody war was far from Zeus's favorite, it's true, many stories make him the main antagonist, no one likes an unjust war, especially one filled to the brim with aesthetically displeasing violence and crime, things Ares revels in, but this time, the original Spartan seems to have been humbled, at least partially.
"I'm trying to find Athena! Do you know where she went?"
"MMMM, NOPE! HAVEN’T SEEN HER IN A COUPLE HUNDRED YEARS ACTUALLY! I DUNNO! THIS IS A WAR ZONE FATHER, YOU SHOULDN'T BE DRESSED LIKE THAT!"
"This is what every proper politician wears! What're you talking about?" Zeus yelled, still ignoring the bullets flying above the trench they sit in. "Just call off your little scuffle and let’s have a SIGNIFICANTLY QUIETER chat!"
"THINGS HAVE CHANGED ON THE MORTAL PLANE HERE FATHER! WAR HAS CHANGED! I'M A MERE PARTICIPANT NOW, NONE OF THESE PEOPLE LAY WITHIN MY GRASP!!"
"UghhHHH it's like Troy then is it?"
"TROY BUT WORSE! SO MANY BODIES....SO MUCH BLOOD....THERE ARE NO GODS HERE FATHER...THERE'S ONLY ME....AND I'M BUT A PEER OF HARDENED MORTALS...
I'VE SEEN MEN'S HEADS SHOT CLEAN OFF BY FLYING BOULDERS, ARROWS ARE NOW FAST AND MINUSCULE WITH A NIGH-INSTANT MORTALITY RATE, AND THE TRENCHES? MERE TROUGHS FOR BLOOD....SO MUCH BLOOD....."
"Sounds like your kind of place then." Zeus replied simply.
"RIGHT? IT'S WONDERFUL!! I'VE NEVER HAD A WAR LIKE THIS!!!!" As Zeus's son maniacally screamed towards the heavens, the lightning god wonders if he seemed louder than usual. "ATHENA WOULD'VE LOVED IT TOO, THIS WAR IS NAUGHT WITHOUT HEROICS, BUT, AGAIN, HAVEN’T SPOKEN IN A WHILE!"
"Well..” Zeus wondered aloud. "Do you know anywhere else she could be?"
"I DUNNO, TRY THE UNDERWORLD I GUESS? SHE HELPED ORGANIZE THOSE MEETINGS BETWEEN THE CHTHONIC GODS REMEMBER? TRY THAT OUT!! ANYWAYS I'M NEEDED ON THE FRONT NOW, SEE YOU, FATHER!"
Ares, the god of war, runs out onto the field laughing like a hyena, Zeus ponders for just a second if his son had gone mad with the brutality of this one, but he dismisses it, Ares is not insane, he is home, and Home is where Athena should be if she's in the Underworld.

With a lightning strike to the face, Zeus disappears to Hades.

Chapter Text

Deep in the Earth lies Hades, the Underworld not the god. Indeed the cold and wetness of the caves inspire reminders of the Christian Hell, this is not a place of honor, this is not a place where good people go, and yet it's true, this is where EVERYONE ends up, and really, it's not all that different from other mythological underworlds, as Helheim, or Sheol, or even the archaic Kur. These deep tunnels are also where Hades, the god not the Underworld, and often misunderstood dog-person, makes his home.

Hades awoke just as any other day, he got dressed in a Greco-Roman toga of reds and greens (contrasting Zeus's yellow getup), fetched his wicked oft forgotten Helm of Darkness, kissed his wife the beautiful DREAD PERSEPHONE; SCOURGE OF SOULS atop the forehead, and went on to do his various soul business, yet, today was different, like his brother before him, he, too, felt bored.
Unlike Zeus however, Hades' boredom brought with it a bout of existentialism, he simply couldn't understand WHY he was bored, nothing felt all that different from decades prior, any other person would perhaps connect the eternal consistency to a feeling of malaise, but Hades was not like most people, he had overlooked dreary tunnels for centuries and he loved it! So what in hell was going on!!
Hades chose to deal with such a perplexing matter by phoning his friend, Osiris, the God of the Underworld of the Egyptian pantheon. While the rulers of the pantheons kept their distance from one another, those who ruled Underworlds actually kept pretty close contact, they had much to talk about as every single one of their jobs sucked equally.
Each of the Underworld gods met every thousand years or so, though Hades valued his friendship with Osiris over all the rest, so he phoned him early, with his Greek Mythological equivalent to a phone.

Hades rung up the green-faced man a thousand miles away...to no answer.
He rung him again...no answer.
This was unprecedented for a god with not much to do, and it DEFINITELY didn't calm the increasingly alarmed Hades. "Other Underworld gods would keep tabs on him..." Hades thought. "SOMEONE has to know SOMETHING, right? He wouldn't disappear like that, right??"
As Hades was going to phone like, I don't know, Yama? He received another call, The Morrígan of Irish mythology, a goddess of many things, mainly mortal fate, in the form of a crow, NOT an Underworld ruler and definitely more of a distant acquaintance to Hades than a friend. He answered anyways, telling himself that she was just as dear a friend as Osiris or Yama, but really her avian features reminded him of the Egyptians.

"Hello?"
"HADES!" The Morrígan squawked beyond the line. "HELLO!! Uhm how are things!!"
Hades sat more regularly perplexed than existentially now by his weird inter-dimensional tunnel phone. "Um, hi? Wwwwhy are you calling?"
"OH, UH, WELL, j-just, wanted to check up on you...uhm, u-uh, to be honest Hades, can we meet up? I have an important thing to discuss and I feel...unsafe, over the phone."
"Oh, well, sure? I gue-" just as Hades was speaking, suddenly an explosion of crows appeared behind him, he jumped.
"JESUS CHRIST!"
"HI HI HELLO SOOOOooorrryyyy."
The Morrígan dusted herself off, the phantom queen was wearing what you'd expect a crow-woman to wear, a black feathery dress, accentuated with pale makeup and some very Irish earrings, she continued.
"APOLOGIES for the surprise, great Hades! But, I found myself in a state of ennui this morning, I wasn't sure what to do with myself!"
"W-well!" Hades baffled by her instantaneous appearance. "What would you have me do about it!!"
"That's just it! I went around my normal duties in an attempt to feign ignorance of the mood and I found that Donn, myyyyy son? My brother?? Friend???-"

Donn wasn’t really a person, or maybe he was, who could say, but Hades remembered Donn as one of the many aspects of The Dagda, ruler of the Irish realm and The Morrígan’s husband. Despite being a realm-ruler, Hades knew him quite a bit better than he did The Morrígan for his penchant for taking care of passing souls in his realm, while she took care of their fates.
The man who married his niece also knew better than to question The Morrígan's own remembered familial connection to him. He let her continue.

"-He's, uh, gone?"
"Gone?"
"Yeh! Gone! Great Donn has disappeared! And I didn't know who else to go to!"
Hades was touched by his apparent importance to this man he hadn't talked to in centuries, he pondered, where DID The Dagda go? Did he go with Osiris? Did no one tell him? That was awfully rude of them, if it happened, and what was this boredom that seems to have been plaguing not just him, but The Morrígan, and Zeus??

Just as he was pondering and as The Morrígan was explaining, our aforementioned hero shows up in a flash of lightning.
"HELLO!"
"JESUS CHRIST!" Both The Morrígan and Hades exclaim, jumping, or, in The Morrígan's case, flying.
"HADES! BUDDDYYYYY!" Zeus outstretched his arms in an attempt to appear warm to his cold, cold brother, Hades knows better, Zeus drops his arms and continues. "I'm looking for Athena, Ares said she probably went here, have you seen her?"
"Uhh, no, but I-"
"Athena?" The Morrígan squawked. "I've seen her!! She was wandering our realm just a couple centuries prior!"
"Oh! Great!" Zeus immediately shrugs off his brother, thinking that Ares perhaps meant a different Underworld, this is easy for him, as he doesn't respect Hades whatsoever. "Where is she now?"
"No idea! Uhm, probably still somewhere in the Northern Lands?
In-fact, she was attempting to converse with Donn...who....wasn't there...?"
"What?" Hades queried, "Donn wasn't there?...Just when DID he disappear?"
"Iiii, uh, I don't know, everything's....hazy…everything was hazy until just today....when I felt wrong and noticed…"
The two gods looked at each other, there HAD to have been a reason that this boredom, or rather, sudden introspection, struck them all at the same time today, but Zeus, the first one, apparently had loftier goals elsewhere.

"Whatever you guys are thinking about, I gotta go find Athena, so uuhhh, BYE!!!!!!!!!"
With another flash of lightning, Zeus disappears, leaving The Morrígan and Hades alone.
"So, Athena's gone?"
"And so is Donn..."
"Where'd they go?"
"That's for us to find out..."
The Morrígan and Hades promptly disappear in a combined mix of green fire and crows, off to find their missing relatives out of their sheer, anomalous boredom.

Chapter Text

Arriving in yet another flash of lightning, Zeus continues his search for his favorite child in the far north, much more north than the bloody war Ares was fighting in, this north was cold and dreary, not AS dreary as Hades (underworld), but it's up there.
Zeus was becoming increasingly agitated by the amount of time this search was consuming, what was once a mere detour in the start of his day was now taking his ENTIRE day, Athena shouldn't be this hard to find!
Zeus's train of thought is interrupted though by a scream in a nearby cavern, he heads there, both for the intrigue of the scream and the sheer cold of an unforgiving Hyperborea he barely recognizes...

Inside the cavern, he spies a woman, white as snow, moving some kind of bowl away from an even whiter man, the man is stretched, starved, and bound to a rock, his face covered in a stream of some kind of viscous liquid, the screams were from him, he's still screaming now. After dumping the bowl out, the woman holds it over the man's head, stopping the liquid and quieting his screaming and squirming, Zeus realizes just how haggard the man's face is when their eyes meet, and even as he speaks.

"...Thor?
...no, no you're not Odinson, who the Hel are you?"

Uncomfortable, Zeus tries to avoid eye contact, not because of the obvious amount of pain this man was in, this was the god who punished Prometheus after all, but the fact that this man (whom he assumed was mortal) was still alive.
"U-uhm, I'm Zeus, King of the Greek Gods, t-tell me where your capital is and I-I'll be on my way."
"…H-hmph, you're far from home, lightning-god...rather, I should be asking you why you're here before I answer anything..."
"U-uh, w-well, um, I'm trying to find my daughter, Athena, I've been told she might be around here? Somewhere? Do you even recognize that name??"
The gaunt man laughed weakly. "Cccccan't say I do, lightning-god, y-your intentions are pure though, I-I suppose...you can get to the capital of the realm by flying to the highest peak, up in the clouds...you'll know when you're there…"
"Oh, like Olympus, uh...
w-well! I guess I'll be on my way then...!"

The situation got to a point that Zeus wanted to leave before learning anything else, he barely hid his brisk attempt to leave the cave, but even then he was stopped by the man's moans a final time.
"I-I doubt you'll get much attention at the moment, but when you get there, tell Odin I have a plan next time...I can stop it next time...hehehaHAAAAAAA-“
As the woman's bowl overfilled, she took it away and liquid once again fell onto the man's face, his screams echoing beyond the cave as Zeus escaped out of the cavern and up into the clouds.
"Such a thing should be happening in the Underworld than on the surface..." Zeus thought.

~~~

Eventually, up in the sky, the lightning-god found himself at a great golden citadel, accentuated by a rainbow eternally shining out of it... though a little more obvious was all the fire, and screaming.
Zeus chooses an empty alley and lands there, ignoring all the screaming and what seems to be preparations for something, he decides to start screaming himself.

"UH! HELLO!? HEEYYY?? ANYONE?? CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHERE I AM? HELLO-" Suddenly, Zeus is interrupted by a tugging on his toga, a tugging by a much smaller, yet somehow even whiter man standing about waist-high. "E-EXCUSE ME!!" The man hollered. "You're not allowed to be here!!!!"
"I'm Zeus! I come and go where I please! Who are YOU, little albino stranger?"
"You don't understand sir, I don't have to answer to you whatsoever!!" The little eggshell white man took out a flimsy excuse for a sword and pointed it at Zeus. "I have enough on my plate as is! And I'm prepared to defend Asgard to the very end!!!"
"ASGARD!!!!" Zeus yelled, spooking the man, "SO THAT'S WHERE I AM! All the Northern Realms look the same these days!!" Zeus heartily chuckled about nothing in particular. "Where's your king of the gods? I have a few words for him!! Haha!!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO FOREIGNE-" The little man screamed, jabbing his tiny sword out (to an threatened Zeus), his futile attack is interrupted though, by YET ANOTHER MYSTERIOUS MAN!!

"Who cares Heimdall...leave him be...Fimbultyr knows I'd prefer the company...."
This man differed from the small white man in many ways, wearing a long black robe and some kind of winged helmet, but most obvious was that he was Taller than Zeus.

"Y-you may have given up Allfather, but SOMEONE has to keep the law in place around here! A war's still a war!!!!!!"
The tall man rolled his eyes, then pointed behind them both, elevating his voice yet barely disguising his completely unemotional tone. "Is that Surtr? Oh no! He's bringing a legion of Jötnar to wipe us out! Aaaaa!!!"
"WHAT" Heimdall screams, in response he blows a big, goofy looking horn, hops atop a suddenly appearing horse, and rides towards the rainbow bridge, leaving Zeus and the tall man alone.

"Heh! Good thinking with that bluff there man!" Zeus vocally complimented for the first time in exactly 470 years.
"It wasn't a bluff, he should be here by now...better to have Gjallarhorn blow early anyways..."
The tall man beckons Zeus to his castle, to him following closely behind (he assumes with his height that this is the man he's looking for), as a gate shutters down behind them, Zeus swears he sees fire in the distance...

~~~

The castle, the supposed "Highest Court Of Asgard", is in dire straits, the tables flipped over into makeshift barricades are contrasted by the lack of ANY life within, any life besides the tall man, Odin, who's sitting atop his horribly messy throne, he speaks plain...
"What is it you want..."
"I'm looking for Athena! Do you know where-"
"No, 've never heard of him"
"Oh..."

The two kings sit in silence...immediately awkward silence, Zeus tries to break the tension before Odin stops him.
"Why is it you're here, lightning-god? Now of all times?"
"I-I told you! I'm looking for my daughter Athe-"
"Liar." The one-eyed God said at a higher octave. "Tell me why you're actually here, what Actually brought you to this place?"
Zeus had to deconstruct the sentence for a moment, not really understanding what Odin means. "I...woke up, was bored, then went to go looking for Athena...and now I'm here....???"
"...A poor narrative...but yet another Cycle...
You are more clueless than my idiot son, Baldr."
"What?"
Odin changes the subject. "Your daughter, olive-skinned and bronze-helmed, with the most terrifying shield at her waist, yes?"
"Oh! Yes!! That's her!!! That's the fine young woman that sprouted from my noggin!"
Despite his weariness, Odin had to double take at whether Zeus was actually attracted to Athena or if he was literally serious about her sprouting from his forehead, or both, or neither.
Zeus continues. "Where is she!?"
"Gone now..." Odin says weakly as suddenly the roof begins shaking. "She was here quite a few Ragnaröks prior, though I’m not sure what she was looking for...she spoke with Hel about someone named Donald for a bit though.”

Donn, Zeus remembered the name, but he dismisses it as it wasn't all that interesting to him, what was more interesting was Odin's castle falling apart.
"Uh, is this place safe?"
"Not for me, but it's safe for you, don't worry...the Cycle is incapable of accounting for your existence..."
"........Okay, well, do you have any idea where she went?"
"...South, I think, Hel spoke of the apparently absent gods of the River Kingdom, and the woman decided to turn her attention there…”
"Oh!" Zeus was surprised by the simplicity of it all. "And where might be this Hel lady if she knows so much?"
"She's currently failing to resurrect Baldr, as is her role, and she'll die like everyone else..."
"........Uhh...okay-"

As Zeus was busy deciding whether to be confused or freaked out by that comment, a GIANT SNAKE CORPSE brings the castle down around the two! Zeus flinches! Odin does not.
As the snake lays still, a fat, obviously drunk man covered in woolen rags and a horned helmet, emerges from its jaws holding a bloodied hammer. He shouts!
"HE'S DEAD! JÖRMUNGANDR DIES AGAIN! THE GOD OF THUNDER REIGNS SUPREMEEEE....AGAIN!! HHEHEHAHAHAHHhehahh
Hahaha...hah..."
After but nine paces, the fat man topples over, dead.
Odin mutters under his breath. "Oh…well, there goes my son, Thor...my favorite son...my special boy...dead again..."

"...Just what's going on around here!!!???" Zeus exclaims, only to be immediately silenced by Odin.
"Listen lightning-god, I don't think you're really searching for your daughter out here, you're searching for purpose, but let me tell you you're not going to find it, I didn't find it, Loki will NEVER find it, and you ESPECIALLY won't here."
"…H-hey man I don't need you to play shrink-" Odin interrupts Zeus again.
"Go to Egypt, find your daughter, but know that it won't solve your narrative, it will not fix your dissatisfaction, and it will not reignite the former passion of your people, the Midgardians are on their own now, they don't need the plight of immortals to lead interesting lives anymore...”
"UH!" Zeus notices a looming lupine shadow over the lord of the hanged.

"This is what immortality looks like here, lightning-god, finish your story elsewhere..."

Just as Odin finishes that sentence, he's snatched up by the dire wolf Fenrir!
The wolf's fangs bite deep into his flesh, he shakes his prey around, only to spit the god out.
And to look Zeus in the eye...
"Uh-"
Like many things today, Zeus can't even react before Fenrir is smacked away by a man with a sword.

"CHRIST!!
Uh, a-are you okay dude???" Zeus asks the battered body of Odin, with his last words he responds.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine...I'm...always fine...
I'll see you next Ragnarök..."

As Odin dies, Zeus looks around the castle's ruins, and only just now takes in the spectacle around him
The gaunt man from the cave and the little albino guy dueling to the death
The man with the sword and Fenrir also dueling to the death
A fire giant with flaming sword piercing the sky...
Just a whole bunch of eschatological things.

Reasonably, he chooses now to get the hell out of dodge, and towards hopefully the finale of his journey, Egypt...
Just, uh, don’t look at the chapter list at all.

Chapter Text

Millennia turns to centuries turns to decades turns to days...
It is now mere seconds, all it takes for the Cycle to repeat...

From Ymir sprouts Odin, Odin strikes down Ymir.
It is from Ymir's body that Odin fashions the lands, the fauna, its people.
Thousands of hours of necessary backstory rendered to memory and narrative in an instant, to provide backing for a protagonist's plot as his mind reforms.
Odin...Allfather...trickster king...lord of the hanged...happy as the knowledgeable ruler of the Norse Gods...
...has just remembered the Cycle.

He stumbles forward, gripping his spear, once again the Cycle has rendered all narrative development to mere seconds, he has been alive for a total of 3 minutes. What was once the passion for war has since turned to upset at the revelation of the Cycle, that upset turned to anger, which turned to rage, turned to misery, turned to melancholy...and was now, after centuries, pure, and utter malaise...
"Oh, well, guess I'm back here, that's how it goes...that's how it always goes..."
The Allfather picks himself up and continues with his cyclical life, he is not ignoring that he had felt his body go limp within the jaws of Fenrir just earlier, he as well as everyone else in the Nine Realms fully knows it happened, they simply have to deal with it...

As Odin leaves his throne room, he is pestered by his blood brother and advisor, Loki, a god of mischief who has since abandoned mischief as the Cycle grips the Nine Realms.
"Hello Allfather! I know it's just restarted but I wanted to tell you, I REALLY feel it this time! I swear! I can stop it this time!!!"
His toxically cheerful disposition makes it almost unbelievable that just days ago he was bound to Earth covered in snake venom, that just a single hour ago he and Heimdall had mutually killed each other in brilliant combat.
He realizes this of course, there is no memory wipe with each Cycle, everyone remembers their roles and they are simply doomed to repeat it for eternity, this is the way it's always been for thousands of years, or, as the Nine Realms puts it, thousands of Ragnaröks.
Odin gives Loki a weak smile before shrugging him off and going on his way, he doesn't believe the father of his horse, the real tragedy is Loki falling for one of his own tricks...

Odin watches over his kingdom...knowing he'll only spend but a year with it before the Cycle puts it to hell again, his only respite is that every single one of his citizens, friends, relatives, and enemies feels the exact same way, they ALL remember the Cycle, and they will all play their part in it whether they like it or not.
Odin recalls one time, every single person in the Nine Realms had simultaneously, independently agreed to stay in their homes, lest fate put them on the path again. It was a beautiful time, everyone working together for the first time in their century-long lives, just to make sure that the apocalypse didn't erupt, Odin remembers opening a window and breathing a sigh of relief.......
Only for that sigh to conjure a gust of wind, and for that wind to, eventually after weeks of weather buildup, bring a cold spell over Loki, which led to the god of mischief to shut his window, the force of which knocked over an unlucky mistletoe just outside Baldr's house into his window, where Baldr himself OF COURSE was standing. This killed him instantly and Ragnarök was once again certain, as it always goes, this is when the Nine Realms learned the meaning of destiny, and they've never forgotten it since.

~~~

Odin's tragic memory lane is interrupted by a flock of flaming crows. He has just witnessed the arrival of the world's greatest and newest investigators, Hades and The Morrígan.

Hades cuts to the chase. "Odin! How are you?"
"Oh....uh...I'm fine, greetings scary green man, hello Morri."
"HELLO WOTAN!"
"Athena and Donn are missing, what do yo-"
"Spare me" Odin interrupted. "Another had already asked about the first one, he's on his way to Egypt now..."
The Morrígan stutters. "Zeus is heading towards Egypt? Why Egypt??”
"Why not Egypt? I told him that's where I heard his daughter was going last, to seek the disappearance of the Egyptian gods"
"Disappearance? So, you know of Osiris's disappearance as well?" Hades questioned.
"OSIRIS IS MISSING!??" The Morrígan squawked in shock, Hades had failed to tell her the news, whoops!
"He's missing...Donald's missing... Athena's now missing...whatever...the narrative woes of Great Fimbultyr continue forevermore..."

Hades ponders to himself, is something happening to specifically Underworld gods? Clearly not...as Athena is missing as well, just what's going on here?
He ignores all that and decides to ask a bigger question.
"What’s a Fimbultyr?"
Odin tilts his head, as if Hades had asked a stupid question. "Fimbultyr...the mightiest and greatest of us all, true creator of the world..."
"But…Wotan" The Morrígan butted in. "You're the creator of the Northlands."
"No I'm not? Fimbultyr is the mightiest and greatest of us al-
......What?
Who's Fimbultyr? What the Hel???"
The Morrígan cawed "That's what I'm asking!"
"T-that name's been in my head for decades, why didn't I think that was strange until now??"
Odin, for the first time in millennia, is concerned about something happening to him.

"Maybe it's connected to our boredom..." Hades openly suggested. "SOMETHING'S making us much more observant since the fall of our empires, and me and The Morrígan here are trying to find out what's going on.”
As Odin tries to make sense of his current predicament, The Morrígan comforts him, putting her weird clawed hand on his back. "W-wotan, what exactly did Zeus ask of you?"
"H-he asked of his daughter! He, mentioned something about her popping from his head?????"
"Akin to a headache perhaps…" Hades said as if that was a completely normal thing to say. "Is Athena attempting to contact us via ennui?"
"Is that something she can do?” The Morrígan asked, completely understandably.
“Well, no…” Hades admitted. “But I’ve seen weirder things happen.”
”And that doesn’t explain mine own mental haze, or Morri’s, I’m assuming…" Odin bought up an excellent point.

Hades however was thinking of other things. "Hmmm…Odin, has anyone disappeared from you lately?"
"W-well, everyone has, Ragnarök, the apocalypse of my realm, occurs once every year, the only one I don’t speak to is Baldr, my son, destined to die and cause all our suffering on repeat…but he should be alive and well in his room right now!"
"Hm, there's a pattern to this, I'm sure of it…
...Are you sure Baldr's still in Asgard?"
"H-he has to be, r-right?”

The Morrígan suddenly cries out, Hades and Odin’s contemplation is interrupted. “EGYPT!”
"W-what?" Odin, barely hiding just how disturbed he feels, not helped by the freak bird woman screaming.
"If there’s some big guy pulling strings, who else could Fimbultyr be if not a god who claims to be above all?? E-Egypt’s mortals right now are monotheistic! One god oversees them! A-and, I dunno…I feel like something REALLY BAD is about to happen in Egypt…"
The Morrígan, if you recall, is a god of fate, mainly mortal coil.
"...Fimbultyr…" Hades realized. "We have to check on Zeus. NOW!"
In a blaze of green fire and crows now joined by ravens, Hades, The Morrígan, and Odin go off to save Zeus from a possible plot.

Chapter Text

Woe is Baldr, the freak, the god of light that was once beloved by all, rendered to hatred by the constants of the Cycle.
Baldr hates it, a part of him misses being the center of attention, but most of it is just the utter scorn he has to face day in and day out...
He recalls the first time he realized the Nine Realms had tired of his narrative presence, when his prophesied death was met with thousands of awaiting stares, each person staring daggers into Baldr's heart before Loki would unintentionally, yet again, kill him with mistletoe.
No one cried, no tear was shed, for Baldr would return, they'd ALL return, against their wills, and Baldr feels it all the same, every time, with every scoff, with every word spoken behind his back, with every attempt to murder him before his prophesied time, it's especially hurtful in his own father’s distance from him...

Baldr's had enough, he's had it with everything, and yet he feels just as powerless as everyone else does...at least, until he realizes something, a weird little voice in his head...
"Fimbultyr…"

Mighty God in Norse, apparent creator of the Norse Realms, Baldr however feels suspicious, just, slightly so... he cannot explain why, but the concept of an omnipotent god both confuses and interests him, he wants the Cycle to stop, he wants, like he suspects every god on Earth wants, to mean something again.
But he's going to need help, and he knows just where to find it, even if it goes against all of his judgements.

Baldr heads to Asgard's greatest bar, and therein sits the mighty Thor, a favorite of mortals and a recent favorite of their father Odin, Thor had always been a drunkard, yet the sheer amount of mead in his system made certain that his personality stayed the most consistent during the repeating Cycles, something Odin loved. But here Baldr wants to ask his brother for a favor.
"...Hello Thor."
Thor doesn't respond, as he's face deep in drink, he raises his finger prompting Baldr to wait, eventually finishing it all in but a few gulps, he belches and looks towards the god of light.
"Eh??? Oh! Baldr! Howya doin’!?"
"I uh...need a favor, I need you to accompany me outside the Realms."
"Hmmm, quite the favor, brother!” Thor’s jovial demeanor is instantly cut with a terrible glare. “What's in it for me..."
"How about a final fight? Either with your rival the serpent or with someone else, It'll really finish this time, and you'll really die, if we succeed anyways..."
Thor ponders the concept for a second. "Hrmg, you're beginning to sound a lot like Loki...
...but you're not Loki, sooooo you MUST know what you're talking about!”

A terrifying presence yet easy to please, Thor gets off his ass and pats Baldr on the back, to Baldr wincing in pain. “Where're we headed?"
"W-where singular gods are mighty, I've narrowed it down to some nations in the East, I’m gonna find out who Fimbultyr is, to end the Cycle once and for all..."
"...oh! Okay!"
Mighty Thor snaps his fingers, Mjolnir flies into his hand, and he and Baldr go off to find Fimbultyr.

Chapter Text

In probably the fifth flash today, Zeus appears in Egypt.
He hasn’t been here in quite a while, his last contact with the Egyptian pantheon being when he was under the name Jupiter for the Roman Empire, when he and the Underworld god Osiris created Serapis to unite their kingdoms...much to Amun-Ra's chagrin, so our hero doesn’t know what to really expect.
Zeus doesn't care about the past though, not since the Fall anyways, he just wants to know where the hell Athena is, and asking that question has brought him here, the former site of the River Kingdom...
-Where his first steps are instantly scrutinized by the ruling body.

"HALT"
"What? Eh? Who's there??"
"PAGAN ENTITY, THOU ARE TRESPASSING ON ABRAHAMIC SOIL, WHAT HAS BROUGHT THOU HERE?"
"I- what? You're not Set! Who are you!?"
"ANSWER? THOU AN INVADER! INVADER!!"
"What the hell!!?"
"INVADER!!!!"

In a flurry of six-hundred wings, Zeus is pounced by the voice. He's tossed quite a distance but he manages to land and hold his ground, Zeus is a veteran of a god-war after all. As he composes himself, he gets a better look at his attacker, despite the sheer size and amount of his wings, the man is indeed human, or, divine, at least. Wearing something of a green tunic and a turban, in his right hand is a sword, on his waist some kind of trumpet, his irises shine like gold, matching Zeus's own golden eyes, which he's perplexed by.
Not that he has much time to think, as his attacker screams.

"THY PUNISHES THEE!"
"H-HEY!! LISTEN! You're attacking the ruler of a sovereign realm!! If you continue attacking, this will mean WAR!!!"
"IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER CRUSADER OR MUJAHIDEEN, BY DECREE OF THE ARCHMINISTER, THESE LANDS ARE OFF-LIMITS TO PAGANS.
SO SAYS ARCHANGEL JIBRĪL!!"
Jibrīl attacks Zeus with sword in hand, luckily the lightning-god brought one of his many Cyclops-made lightning bolts, he blocks the holy blade, though just barely, Zeus is a rusty fighter, and the lightning dissipates in his hands, Zeus yells:
"Who put you up to this? Set?? Apophis??? Is Amun-Ra angry with me for the whole end-of-his-empire-thing?? Usually anger is EXPLAINED where I come from!!!"
Jibrīl stops suddenly, then lets out a hearty laugh.
"NOW I KNOW THY IS PAGAN! NO SUCH NAMES HAVE BEEN UTTERED IN THESE LANDS FOR CENTURIES!"
"C-centuries?? T-that can't be right, I would've noticed something like that!!
L-like I know I'm absent-minded but jeez-"
"DO NOT TAKE THE FATHER'S NAME IN VAIN!"
Jibrīl knocks Zeus down with a holy push, he lifts his sword at the king of the gods' face.
"THOU SHALT NOT PASS, AND THY PUNISHMENT FOR TREADING? SHALL BE HELLFI-"

Suddenly! A great green flaming cyclone of crows and ravens erupts right on top of Jibrīl! Saving Zeus and knocking the angel down temporarily! This of course is from our incredible mystery solvers, Hades, The Morrígan, and the recently observant Odin.
"ZEUS WE'RE HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM FIMBUL-" Hades screams, before immediately noticing the now non-existent threat. "Oh."
Zeus scoffs, ungrateful for the happenstance that saved his ass. "Took you guys long enough! I was gonna punt that guy into next week! Ohhh wait til Amun-Ra hears of thi-"
Odin grabs Zeus, screaming and shaking him around. "DON'T YOU GET IT LIGHTNING-GOD? THERE IS NO MORE AMUN-RA! WHOEVER FIMBULTYR IS WIPED HIM ALL OUT AND REPLACED HIM!!!!!!"
Zeus shakes out his response. "AUuUGHHGH- I-I-IMPOSSIBLE!! I REFUSE to believe I’d miss something like that! I’m not close with Ra but I’d know when an entire pantheon disappears RIGHT BEYOND MY DOORSTEP!!"

"Possible unfortunately" Hades responds. "Though we're still in the progress of finding out how...aaaand we don't know if Osiris and the others are really gone yet, Odin."
Odin relents, letting go of Zeus while attempting to fix him up a tad. "Sorry…sorry, it's just, I haven't dealt with something unexpected in such a long time, it's great! I'm so excited!!" The once morose king is visibly shaking himself, positively!
The Morrígan places her weird taloned hand on Odin's shoulder. "That's nice Wotan, but we still have to-"

Suddenly, Jibrīl wakes up, angry out of his gourd, he finds himself surrounded by pagan gods, while he was able to hold his own against Zeus; he cannot possibly take on four at once, he screams.
"I-INVADERS, INVADERS! PAGAN INVADERS! THOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! NOT AT THE HAND OF THE REPUBLIC OF HEAVEN!!"
In a funnel of light from the sky, Jibrīl disappears.

"Thaaat doesn't sound good..." The Morrígan looks up in worry.
"CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHERE ATHENA I-"
With that, Zeus, and his three unwilling companions, are all encompassed in a blinding flash of light from beneath them, leaving nothing behind...

Chapter Text

After quite a bit of travelling, Baldr and Thor find themselves in the city of Jerusalem, the gods are pretty lost here...obviously for winter folk in a desert city, so their presence is soon noticed by the locals...
In a great light from on high...

"HALT
PAGAN ENTITY, THOU ART TRESPASSING ON ABRAHAMIC SOIL, WHAT HAS BROUGHT THOU HERE?
ANSWER? THOU AN INVADER! INVA-

...?

BUT...

...FINE...RETRIEVE THEM, FAIR LADY..."

Confused by the turbaned stranger and even more confused by him conversing with himself, he disappears, before either of them can react, another great light from the sky envelopes them both. Baldr tries to scream, but the chorus...a kind of unified, majestic chorus accompanying the beam, deafens him...

~~~

When next they open their eyes, they find themselves in a place remarkably similar to Valhalla of their homeland, pillars dot the skyline as all is tinged in a color of a deep western sunset, winged beings, some similar to the turbaned stranger and others more resembling wheels more than anything else, float aimlessly among the golden clouds.
Unknown to them but known to us, they're in Heaven, specifically in a great citadel built within the Primum Mobile (of Dante's Paradiso), Baldr speaks.

"W-what is this place??"
A voice speaks from behind him. "Paradise, Pagan, far, far more glorious than the likes of thee..."
Jibrīl eyes the two gods, sword still in hand, his hundreds of wings now folded into seemingly just two, for ease of movement.
"…Were it up to my will, thy lot would be devastated on Earthly soil, wiped of all memory and placed back in your wretched Cycle...but the Lady has interest in thee, Jehovah knows why...
...just know I shall be watching, very closely..."

Jibrīl leaves as swiftly as he entered, in a blazing light, obviously Baldr and Thor are on edge, the latter glaring at his brother, lifting Mjolnir as if to show it off.
"...If that guy kills us, it's on yer head..."
Baldr's unresponsive to his threats, he rolls his eyes. "I can't die, Thor, none of us can..."
"Ohhh, but I'll make you wish ye could..."

Suddenly a feminine voice rings out. "Leave him alone, lightning-god..."
Out from the darkness (brightness?), a lady walks, with wild unkempt hair and wearing nothing but an oddly Egyptian robe, surely this woman cannot be what the angel was so reverent towards, she's a mess, yet her most intriguing feature is some kind of shield at her waist...she speaks.
"Apologies for Gabriel, he never knows when to turn it off... Twas I who invited you two here, er, just now, to save you from Gabriel, of course!” She chuckles lightly in a desperate attempt to break the tension, to no avail.
"Oh...yer quite the looker aintcha...OOF!" Baldr elbows Thor in his engorged chest, he speaks plain and bows. "Um, many apologies for my brother, fair lady, but-"
"Oh!” The woman chuckles. “""Fair lady"", that's Gabriel talk, please, call me Anat, I insist!"
Baldr fumbles his words. "O-oh, um, fair Anat-
I humbly request an audience with Fimbultyr, um, a-assuming you’re related to him.”
Anat smiles plainly. “Indeed I am…”

Baldr glares at Thor, the god of thunder clearly senses he's unwanted in an adult conversation, he decides to wander elsewhere in the spacious hall they find themselves in. Baldr continues his conversation with Anat in the meantime.
“Hmpgh, a-ah…p-perfect! Perfect then! I…just.......I just want to know why! Why hundreds of years of torture! For simple folk such as us? E-erm, to tell Fimbultyr, I mea-"
Anat can barely hold her laughter in, to Baldr’s poor hurt feelings. "Simple? You guys are the gods of Vikings! Your names were spoken of by towns built and protected by pillagers and rapists! Ha!"
Baldr fumbles more. "U-um...regardless of your opinions madam, I seek consul with Fimbultyr specifically…p-please? If it’s not too much trouble…"
Anat chuckles again. "Ohhh, darling Baldr, god of peace and light...
There is no Fimbultyr."

~~~

"What? B-but, how can that be? W-why else would we speak of him in curses and chants?"
Anat stands uncomfortably, the swaying of her hips drawing Baldr's attention to her shield, it's a rather plain one, aside from the horrifying visage atop it, a sneering head, mouth filled with sharp fangs and tusks, crowned in snakes, it's much like Anat herself, unassuming beyond a specific trait, regardless he desperately tries to ignore the thing as Anat explains herself.
"...At least there isn't a Fimbultyr anymore, the last time such a mighty god existed in this abode was many a century ago...since then there's been substitutes, at least two "Archministers"." How she said that with a modicum of contempt stays in Baldr's mind.
Beyond that, the god of light is aghast.
"B-but, then why! Who's responsible for this Cycle that grips us so then! Who!?"
Anat chuckles, her momentary uneasiness instantly vaporized. "Oh that? That was us, mhm, yeah all us, my idea actually! Still upheld by the current Archminister, Uriel."
Given a flurry of information so nonchalantly, Baldr has no other reaction than to fall to his knees and sob, all his pains, his aches, much more the aches of his family, friends, people! All the game of more powerful agents? Really? Anat continues, apparently unaware of Baldr's pain.
"You can't talk to him either by the way, Uriel's a busy guy, with QUITE the temper may I add! Haha!
...Uhm
Hey, you alright man?"

Baldr wipes his face before he forces himself to look up at her. "Jjjsjsjust...why?? Why tell me this at all??? Why not smite me and Thor the second we left the Realms????? Wwwhwywwhwyy the myth of Fimbultyr??"
"…Well, we don't see EVERYTHING, that was "Fimbultyr"'s job, but we DID see your presence on our lands...and Fimbultyr? HA! The concept is simply politically useful, good for keeping rowdy pantheons in line, we do it with quite a couple more, though your Norse one is special…it’s unfortunately vicious, sure, but very useful!" Anat notices that Baldr only seems to look worse with her every word.
"...Hm...
I tell you this because I see potential in you, Baldr, you and your brother, it WAS I who called to you, from beyond land and sea, to make you aware of the cage we designed!
You’ll never be in that cage again, I promise, you can stay here in Paradise, with me! I just...NNNEED something from you..."
Baldr's tears turn to a grimace. "Wwwhy would I want to leave my family for a person who's been torturing us for centuries!!"
Anat looks down, like that actually affected her, she responds.
"Y-your pain…it's the best method, trust me, I've seen what happens when Paradise goes to war, and it's...not pretty.
This is what's best for everyone, and for mortals... they NEED their gods, we just...need to contain them so we can continue operating, it’s much better than invasion, I can tell you that much.
That's all I want from you Baldr, containment…that’s it.
How would you feel about becoming the warden of the Norse pantheon? You’ll never have to go there again, we'll dispatch some angels who'll righteously take your place! While you're here, filling us in on every single bit of detail relating to Odin and his allies..."
Baldr stops crying. "B-but-"
"Think about it, has anyone ever spoken of you? Shown you care since the beginning of your Cycle? They just see you as a means to an end now, the Catalyst that Doomed them all, Odin doesn't care about you Baldr, Odin doesn't even care about Thor! He's just a vessel for his nostalgia, nostalgia for a time that's untenable now.
You'll be loved here though, not for your destiny...but for your potential, a true god of light...a TRUE god of peace!"
"...
What of Thor?"
Anat giggles. "I think your brother's perfectly happy here." She points to him, Thor basking in endless drink and battle against lesser Angels (for training!!), he’s basically completely forgotten why he’s here to begin with.

Baldr deeply considers the path before him, sure, these are the people who’ve put him through hell, but are they really? It was his father’s choice to distance himself from him, it was the people’s choice to begin hating him, they’ve tried to ignore the Cycle before, and...sure, it’s a lot, but that’s no excuse for alienation, no excuse for being so horrible to him!
At least, that’s what Baldr thinks...that's a fair assumption...right?
...He decides…

"...Alright...I'll do it...just as long as I never have to set foot in Asgard again."
"Hm! Perfect, dear."
Anat walks towards Baldr, he realizes only now how much taller than him she is, all the better when she embraces him.

"Welcome home..."

Chapter Text

Zeus awakes to fire singeing his ass.

His last memory before blacking out was cursing about his daughter's whereabouts, then being flashbanged from on high, to now, the feeling of intense burning...
He scrambles to the top of his shallow grave of a bed, getting a better look of his…incredibly Hadean surroundings, could he now be in the Underworld? Not likely, this place is too warm and dusky to be Hades' domain, even more alarming, our hero seems to feel ever so weaker here.

Our trapped king is then poked by some kind of stick.
"Back in the hole, cretin, it'll be easier for all of us if you submi-
Jove?"
Zeus looks up, the man poking him is clad in white, with crook in one hand and flail in the other, wearing a hat that Zeus always thought was dumb, his most obvious features however...are his wrappings...and his green skin...
"...Osiris!?"
"I guess the Republic got you, an inevitability, though I always thought you'd put up more of a fight."
Zeus stammers. "Nonono SHUT UP!! Where the hell are we! And what the hell are YOU doing here!?"
Osiris gives Zeus a dry smile, Zeus always hated him for that smug look. "Well, Jupiter, very clever choice of words there, for indeed you are in Hell! Um, specifically-"

HERESY

Zeus waves his hand in shut-up-itude, "Like I know what that means...whatever, here, help me up!" He extends out his hand, to Osiris quickly shuffling away.
"Iiiii don't think that's wise, Jupiter, if you're in Hell, you're here for a reason! Just like every other pagan god here!! A-and I've spent too many years getting on the Republic's good side to mess anything up now."
"Oh who gives a SHIT about republic!! I want to find my daughter and I ain't gonna let an Underworlder stop me!!!"
Zeus uses all of his might to get out of his hole, to basically no avail...the lightning god of the sky, King of the Greek gods…is stuck.
He half-submits.

"......Look, I dunno what's going on around here, but I promise if you help me outta this jam, I'll uh, tell your employers you were tricked! By me! Basically lifting you of all blame.”
Osiris sighs. "How would that work?"
"Well, if you're letting me out, it's basically true, right? C'mon, what's the worst that could happen? They kill you?"
The god of silence thinks for a minute, then relents, he sighs deeper.
"Aaaughhh, y'know what? Sure, I've done nothing for long enough anyways..."

Osiris lifts Zeus out of his hole with ease, he's freed!
"Oh...why didn't that work when I did it?"
Osiris chuckles, Zeus still absolutely hating every aspect of him. "You were chained from below, it's usually the first thing people notice here, why do you think I'm up and about?
Come now, we have 5 layers between here and the surface, and we must make haste if we want to avoid the Republic's glances..."
Zeus dusts his singed robe off and follows Osiris deeper into Hell.

~~~

The Morrígan awakes in a soft bed of golden frame, the room's light is warm and yellowed, surrounding her are little winged babies with animal features, including multiple animal heads, the bird-lady chooses not to question this.
She slips out of bed slowly, to the Cherubim's non-existent reaction, she spies a conversation just outside her room...

"What were you thinking!?" A figure screams at another, our first figure is an unkempt lady with a shield at her waist, while our second is swarthy, bird-winged, and wearing something akin to a southern preacher.
"My job! Judgement! What else would you have me do with pagans on foreign lands!? They even jumped Jibrīl!"
"Gabriel ALWAYS overreacts, I just, I can't believe you'd do something so rash!"
"Jibrīl overreacts within reason! That's why he guards the border! And I don't appreciate your tone, Anat! Don't act like this was a frivolous action on my part!"
"Oh? Then what the hell is "I'll send the invaders to Hell INSTANTLY" meant to make me think, Raguel??? Metatron had a whole system for this!!!"
"Metatron isn’t HERE! What I did was judgement! Fair and righteous judgement! If you're unhappy with it, they're in YOUR domain now, therefore your responsibility! If you want court; bring it UP in court!!"

As The Morrígan watches, the Cherubim tending to her tumble out, stealing Raguel's attention, he screams. "AND JUST WHAT IS SHE DOING IN THE CITADEL???"
The Morrígan scrambles back to behind the door frame as the Cherubim speak in multiple little sing-songy voices, interspliced with animal sounds. "Sssssorry Archangel, ssssshe's of the Irish, aaaaaaan ally, hhhhhhhhhher care is Heaven's duty......"
Raguel scoffs. "Ugh, Uriel's not going to like a pagan up here..."
Anat scoffs harder. "Uriel is more rash than Gabriel is, I'll deal with it, go do your...stupid judgement things...
This isn’t the end of it by the way! I’m gonna hold this to you Raguel! Mark my words!"
"Hmphh."
In a flash of light, Raguel disappears.

Anat goes to The Morrígan's chamber, to it being seemingly empty.
"The Morrígan? C'mon, we know you're here, come out..."
As slowly as possible, The Morrígan sulks out from under the heavenly bed, staring Anat down, she squawks inquisitively and meekly...

"Athena?"

Chapter Text

Exiting Dis was a unexpectedly easy time for our duo, as gods, they're considered a part of the divine ecosystem for torturing mortals, and while pagan gods count as prisoners, Osiris (an apparent employee) acting as Zeus's guide was enough to make him essentially invisible to the almost automated perspective of Hell's demons. Onward the duo goes through, to-

WRATH

Among a remarkably familiar river, it is a mostly silent, awkward trek, Zeus does not pretend to care for Osiris's predicament nor its origin, and Osiris likewise appears to be only tolerating Zeus as a form of entertainment, of course, to the immoral cruelty king, this is a breath of fresh air, especially so among the wailing fights within the river itself, Zeus decides to finally break the tension.

"This...feels familiar..."
"...It is Hell's nature to prey on your personality, even if you're not in the layer you're meant to be, it is a place of targeted punishme-"
"Nono, I meant this is literally the River Styx, from Hades? I thought we weren't in the Underworld?"
"I told you, you're in Hell! The domain of the damned."
"I don't know whatever the hell a Hell is!! Stop being cryptic!! God!"
"Well forgive me for assuming you knew from your vocabulary…"

Zeus is puzzled. "Wwwwwhat do you mean?" Osiris stops and turns to face him.
"Your epithets, how could you possibly not know what a “Hell” is if you routinely evoke both it and its creator?"
"I don't...what? I don't say......Oh my god
...MY GOD?
What the hell's a, HELL's a, Hell?? What the hell's a Hel- NGNGGHHHH STOP IT!!!"
Osiris sighs and continues walking as Zeus stamps his foot and batters himself for his own odd language.
"Augh, again, Christian domain of the damned...not unlike Tartarus in-
PLUTO!?"

Distracted from his predicament, master of observation Zeus looks up to see a tall, dark figure standing beside the facsimile River Styx, it's Hades...in Hell!
Hades himself turns to the two, gasps, and runs towards them with his arms outstretched.
"Hades!" Zeus screams with an odd amount of delight, he'd never admit it, but he did miss his brother a tad, even if just to continue lording his obvious superiority over him, though this thought is quickly dashed as Hades' delight was proven to really be towards Osiris, whom he embraces and declares the name of, like so-
"OSIRIS!! HAHA!" Hades holds Osiris close, while Osiris had been distant with Zeus, he seems downright homely with Hades, "typical of Underworlders"; Zeus thinks silently, Hades continues.

"I-I’ve been searching for you all day! Er, week! I don't actually know how long it's been!"
"Haha...long enough, old friend...long enough..." Osiris lets go. "Tell me, what happened up in Rome for you two to hold such a fate? I find it odd that the Republic would turn on their own empire of all places!"
Hades cocks his head, "Eh? Republic? Nono, I found myself here in search of you! And Zeus was in search of Athena! What’re you talking about?"
The green man squints at Hades, then scratches his head. “…Perplexing…n-no matter, the sooner we finish this detour up the better.”
As Osiris attempts to sprint ahead, Hades pipes up. "H-hey! Wait! I just want to know what happened between you and Egypt! What happened to everyone? Why're you here?"
"...Pluto…
You’re standing in Egypt...or at least you would be if we were back in Heresy, anyways.”
The walls of Hell reverberate with a single, yet ear-piercingly loud "WHAT????"

~~~

"No no, I'm not...who you think I am…my name is Anat!" Anat tries to push The Morrígan off of her, but the phantom queen continues her boundary-invading study, she's quite energetic for just waking up.
"It IS YOU!! Listen honey! We need to get out of here ASAP! Your father's been looking all over for you!"
Anat sighs. "What, does he need help with another war again?" She stutters. "N-NOT THAT I KNOW- THAT- I-."
She sighs once again, though this time defeated. “Ffffine. You caught me, happy?”
"Not really! Your father’s been all around the different realms searching for you! BUT THEN we stumbled upon this BIG GOD-CONSPIRACY and it’s REALLY worrying and I just want to know if you’re oka-“
Suddenly, someone else walks in the room, a blonde-haired blue-eyed man as white as snow, he's wearing a simple robe, emblazoned with the crest of the Republic of Heaven (three intersecting circles), he seems thin, but happy... it's Baldr.
"Anat..? I heard yelling, what are you...
…
What’s she doing here..."

“Reasons.” Anat sounds cold, but her sternness bounces off The Morrígan, who instead fluffs up in reaction to the Norse god. "BALDR????” She squawks. “Oohh GREAT! Just how many people does this extend to?? Your father's been searching as well!"
Baldr instantly scrunches up as if he were a recording of a muffin being consumed by mold set to fast-forward. "O d i n ' s h e r e ?"
Anat nurses a headache. "He's in Hell, don't worry...I'm sending Tho-" She steps between the two in an attempt to calm things, though, obviously, with that comment it gets quite rowdy again anyways.

"HE'S WHERE??" The Morrígan screeches so loud she loses some feathers.
"I was specifically promised I'd NEVER have to deal with the Norse Gods again!" Baldr is similarly anxious, though anxiety can barely hide what appears to be scorn in his voice.
“You WHAT!!??”
“I want NOTHING to do with THEM!!”
“YOUR OWN FATHER??”
“THAT MAN WAS NO MORE A PARENT THAN THOR WAS TO HIS OWN CHILDREN!!!!!”

“Look- just, LOOK, JUST SHUT UP!”
The two gods quit their quarreling immediately, Anat, formerly Athena, rubs her temples and sighs ever so deeper...

“Aaaughhh...let me explain…”

Chapter Text

“My name was Athena, I was born fully-grown from my father’s forehead as a goddess of wisdom, heroic war, strategy, and owls for some reason.
I led many a battle, many a quarrel, pierced many with my own spear and showered others with trivia of such vast knowledge it’d make even Mímir weep…
I was the King’s favorite, my father’s favorite, and I was fucking great at what I did…
...
but...
it was wrong.
Or...at least it was impermanent.”

Anat recounts her story to a listening crowd of The Morrígan and Baldr.

“It was shortly after the Fall of the Roman Empire, among the many drunken rambles my father went on in his attempt to cope with it...
He spoke of the Titans, the gods of old who manufactured the world, imprisoned in Tartarus or other places for displeasing us, for 10 years my father, uncles, and aunts fought against the Titans and justly won control of the Earth.
That was the Titans’ end, it was inevitable and that was that...
But…then, is that the case for us too?
Father went on for hours on this thought…about the impermanence of life, even for immortals.
Y’see, if we’re dependent on mortal worshippers, we’re dependent on their ideas, their times, their narratives and stories, the Titans were just their way of explaining what came before, but what happens after?
All of my siblings present shrugged it off, as they were right to do, he’s an insane madman after all, dear old dad...
But…
It frightened me.
Being doomed based on the whiles of those supposedly under our grasp? And with Rome having fallen so recently at the time...
I- I had to look into it, I decided to look into it! When all was quiet, I snuck out of the realm to venture to Egypt, investigating different priestdoms and realms under this concept, specifically I took on a name the tribes of Canann called me, “Anat”.
I instantly realized by taking on this persona, that not a single god in the region recognized me for who I was, they saw me as one of their own, even...”

The Morrígan interrupts. “How’s that work??”

"My theory is gods can only see in narrative, if one takes another form, then they take another narrative, it's easy to slip by in that sense, though obviously I'm not immune to it either, I call Gabriel “Gabriel” but I'm sure everyone else up here refers to him as something else, I cannot perceive what specifically, and while it was incredibly useful for me escaping possible political scorn in foreign realms, how it worked terrified me, I found myself thinking “what others have tricked my own people in this way?”
Of course though, I had to pick a struggle, and immortal death won out.
...Do you know who Inanna is?”

The Morrígan shook her head, as Baldr looked down solemnly, still in silence.

“She was a goddess of love and fertility, wife to the creator of all life in her realm, but then their empire fell, their people died out, and intrigue of their myths, their stories, ceased.
These stories were rediscovered recently, but it was far too late, far too long, and in that time she became something else, a shade of her former self, a static soul who doesn’t respond to touch or conversation, a dead fictional character.
Probably the closest thing we immortals have to death… Being forgotten…Being lost…
In the despair of that discovery, it was then when he found me…”

~~~

GREED

Osiris waves his crook around as Hades and Zeus follow close behind, the wails of those greedy in life pushing constantly against their Sisyphean tasks, barking arguments at eachother in the brisk ashy breeze of Hell, as Osiris puts it; the perfect backdrop for a story of failure, he begins...

"When the Romans came to Egypt, they brought their religion, originally that of Greek syncretism (I don't have to tell you that though, Jupiter), though eventually it...changed...
They called it Christianity, focus around the son of a kind of “King God”, a central divine figure who was simultaneously the centerpiece of two other major religions, three religions the tenets of which ironically despised eachother, but I digress…
The point is, this religion, the acolytes of the King God, they would prove to be our undoing...
They call themselves the Republic of Heaven, acting in service of their King God they operate out of their own realm, naturally called Heaven, it's analogous to my realm's Field of Reeds or your realm's Elysium.
They had one rule and one rule only, the banishment of “pagan religions”, so-called death cults or immoral places, of which Egypt made the cut immediately.
As the mortals dealt with culture shock, the Republic came to us brandishing swords in an attempt to wipe us all out…
Gods are immortal though, we are unkillable unless we’ve died before in some other way (naturally, this included me, so I became…quite the coward during the war, something I’m not proud of…), so what the Republic couldn’t destroy, they then resolved to...contain.
They pointed all their swords in the air and banished as many Egyptian gods as they could to Hell, their version of Tartarus, apparently Made of facsimiles of Tartarus, if that River wasn’t enough of a hint...
Egypt fell essentially overnight and in Hell, we were placed into burning holes or burning coffins, trapped forever in hellfire alongside our remaining worshippers’ souls.
But...gods are crafty, and, some of us, namely me, the coward…chose to appeal to reason, working for the Republic to secure their reign within their domains…now given free rein to roam by the Judge of Hell herself……of course limited to Hell only though…"

Zeus scowls. "Preposterous! We would've noticed something like that! The ENTIRE damnation of the Egyptian pantheon? I mean...Hades! Come on! You specifically have modern ties to Egypt!"
Hades nods. "It's true...how could they have not only slipped past us but taken over our lands?"

Osiris speaks up. "Many wars are either won or lost by betrayal, some of our own switched sides, and I do believe they helped expedite the banishment process..."
Zeus continues scowling. "But I thought you said they hated pagans!!!"
"Rest assured, they do, both in dogma and action, but nothing is above cutthroat political tactics...
Let me tell you of Anat of the Canaanites...”

~~~

The Morrígan squints at Anat as she nurses a headache, "Athena..."
"Please, just stick with Anat..."
"Athena I’m sorry bu-“
"It's Anat, Anand, you of all gods should know how important a title can be...

...His name was Metatron, the leader of the “Republic of Heaven” at the time, its first Archminister......the Republic hated pagans, their word for “foreign religions”, every single one of them made it very obvious…but Metatron, he was different, he took me in......sure, it was because he saw that I could be useful to him, but he was honest about it! And lemme tell you that’s VERY refreshing after a thousand years with Zeus as a father...
He uh, he wanted help basically, he was acting in stead of their original king, who had disappeared for unknown reasons, and the Republic’s goal at the time was the annihilation of the Egyptian pantheon…but that’d lead to stares from every other realm, to chaos, to war between foreign gods! And that kinda stuff bleeds into the mortal world in hooooorrible ways!! SO!!! Metatron wanted to avoid that wherever possible...
I was the goddess of just tactics in wartime, so, he wanted my opinion...
So, I gave him it, I gave him my all…as the Egyptians fell to Hell and I decided to leave home forever..."

The Morrígan looks aghast as Baldr continues to stare solemnly at the floor. “Athe-Anat..”
“Mhm?”
“H-how could you? To talk of death and then to damn an entire culture, I-it’s-”
“It was the only way.”

~~~

The arguments of Greed grow cacophonous as Osiris continues explaining the way of the world...
"In a flurry of wings from the heavens, Anat of the Canaanites, formerly one of our own, a consort of our ambassador Set, now stood alongside Archangel Metatron, she raised her shield, and was the first to cast our ruler, Amun-Ra, partially turned to stone, down to Hell...
Amun-Ra controls the sun...so...you can understand how that crippled us pretty quickly...”

Zeus continues scowling so hard that he might have injured himself at some point. “There’s no way that wouldn’t’ve ignited a war! We would’ve had your backs INSTANTLY!!!”
Osiris gives a weak smile. “...I appreciate the gesture, Jove, but I have reason to suspect Anat knew that you would...she...shielded the realms from knowing…somehow, that’s the only explanation I can come up with...
She and Metatron must’ve figured some way to stop the flow of information between us...”

Hades interrupts. “But that doesn’t explain how we became aware of our soft imprisonment so recently!!”
“Well, in spite of our great power, we ARE trapped by the mindscapes of our followers, endless tales and stories for all time, but narratives are designed by the biased! So little hints and such must break through, like-"
Hades interrupts again. "Fimbultyr and Hell...language shapes culture, even for non-worshipped gods..."
"Exactly! Whatever that first one is, though I'm sure there's other methods of passive containment like that, like, I don’t know, an endless apocalypse, continued veiled action, anything to confuse gods so they don't suspect they're being contained…but, again, some get rowdy, and in that case, the only action is damnation, which is what happened to us.
A strange and cruel, yet fascinating strategy, I almost respect her...almost."

~~~

Anat stands as her eyes begin to well up, though this time her face forms into a grimace.
"Mortals are stupid, they’re obsessed with their stories and they will fight and kill others who don't believe in the things special to them, as such, the realms are a chaotic mess of war, tricks, and horror, but gods cannot be killed and I will NOT be a tool of genocide...so we contain!!
I designed Cycles specific to each and every realm to keep the gods within contained! No one gets wise as the Republic continues to take territory, and if a pantheon gets too rowdy? They get sent to Hell, where even then they still persist!!
There are no shades! There will never be another Inanna! Everyone stays alive, and our storytellers keep the mortals happy with their stories forever!!
One religion for a united world, an empire that will actually last forever, for real this time.
This is immortality...
This is the only way...
Or at least it was, until you somehow found out...”

The Morrígan too is welling up, but she’s angry, she’s certain that Anat can’t be right about this, but she doesn’t have the words to argue right now, they stumble out of her mouth anyways.
“Ath-Athe-Anat, I-, Anat-”
“Spare me, if Zeus and Hades are in Hell, they'll be dealt with eventually..."
"W-w-w-what is that supposed to mean???"

Anat however unexpectedly leaves the room, leaving Baldr to respond to The Morrígan.
"You've lost all question privileges for now, phantom queen, we'll continue this later, in a more official context. Just know that the pagan kings are safe...even if I'll have to hold him back to make absolute sure of it..."
Baldr disappears in a blinding flash, and The Morrígan sits alone…

~~~

GLUTTONY

As rain falls constantly and as bodies squirm in icy mud, Zeus, Hades, and Osiris compare notes. Zeus specifically can barely understand it.
"So, we've been trapped in a big stage-play by this “Republic of Heaven”, who all have king-complexes, and we only realized that they’re keeping us in a big prison via random chance????"
Osiris nods. "Pretty much, yeah."
Zeus really needs to stop scowling but he continues to do so. "Oouuhhh wait until I give this Anat a piece of my mind! She'll understand what it means to mess with the king of the gods!!!"
Hades however, thinks... "Osiris, can you...describe "Anat" for me?"
"Uhm, well, she wore a big bronze helmet, had this AWFUL shield at her waist...she turned Amun-Ra into stone with the shield, actually-”
Hades turns to Zeus immediately. "Brother, I think I know where Athena is- OOF!!!"
Hades is knocked away from the side!! Osiris yells!
“PLUTO!!!”

"HERETICS ARE MEANT TO SUFFER PUNISHMENT DOWN 'ERE!...somethin' ole greenskin should've kept an eye on...
I will say though, I was gettin' bored with all the weaker sinners...and the great acolytes of the Archminister on high wants some of ya specifically!
Soooo, gimme all ya got!"
With the hammer that knocked out Hades right back to his hand, Thor makes himself known to Zeus and Osiris.

Chapter Text

Seeing his staggered brother fills Zeus with a feeling adjacent to fear, but also anger, he paradoxically attempts to reason with Thor anyways.
"THOR! WAIT! LISTEN I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT HERE BUT I'M NOT YOUR ENEM-"
"Don't care! FIGHT NOW!!!"
Thor leaps and rushes into Zeus, bodying him, unlike Hades however Zeus keeps his shape up, allowing him to stay conscious during their scuffle.
Unfortunately for Zeus though, Thor tries to rectify this by burying his opponent into the ground, which naturally gives way from the screeching showers of Gluttony to the Sisyphean arena of-

GREED

Zeus shakes off the rubble, frantically searching for Thor; only to be hit with a fairly heavy bag of gold, Zeus yelps in fear.
"You'll live, lightning-god! They need ya alive for the trial, all of y'all, and hopefully then straight to Heresy..."
"W-what'd I ever do to you??? I'm not responsible for your stupid cycle!!"
"CYCLE? Haha! I haven't thought about Asgard in years! That little act is meant to keep dear ole' dad in line so he don't get any ideas, ideas you probably 'ave."
Thor points his hammer at Zeus's face while holding another bag of gold, Zeus tries to explain himself.
"I-I I don't have any intentions of taking over!! This place sucks!!! I just wanted to see my daughter!"
"Oh stop fuckin' around lightning-god! Why else would you appear on our doorstep with two other pantheon rulers?
This place?? These people run on Holy War! Far more worthy of respect than those old Asgardians, here is pure and honest strength...And I WON'T LET YA RUIN HOW GOOD I GOT IT!"

Suddenly, Thor is taken from behind! An invisible force seems to be holding him in place, a voice screams!
"ZEUS I GOT HIM! TAKE HIM DOWN!!"
It's Hades! Finally using his oft forgotten yet totally wicked Helm of Darkness that makes the wearer totally invisible! Zeus rushes towards the stunned Thor with all the speed of a lightning bolt, to Hades' own fear.
"W-wait not that fast NOT THAT FAS-"
It's too late though as Zeus punches Thor (and Hades) through the floor once again, from Greed to the wailing fights of-

WRATH

A thousand damned souls scream in agitation as their misfortunes roll down into the floor below, made heavier as they soak in the River Styx, not that the falling gods care all that much.
As they fall, Thor tries to swing his hammer into Zeus, to a miss, another miss and then another swing leads to Thor throwing his hammer into the distance, to the gloating of Zeus, only for Thor to snap his fingers to send his hammer hurtling back. Noticing this, Zeus lets go (picking up Hades as well) as he leaves Thor to get hit by his own strategy.

As the three gods hit the floor, the hammer Mjolnir bounces off of Thor's massive gut, Zeus dusts himself off and sprints towards it, planning to bonk his unwanted foe once and for all
...only for it to stay in place, this is Mjolnir after all, and the only person who can wield Mjolnir is the mighty Thor, who gets up, snaps his fingers, and the hammer AND Zeus fly toward him.
Zeus gets knocked on his ass as Thor and his hammer disappear high into the air.

Hades gets up now, to yet another sound as Osiris falls from the sky through the newly opened holes.
"aaaaaaAAAAUUGGHH OOF!" Osiris dusts himself off and frantically looks around the ruined Wrath covered in Greed. "WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON!! LOOK AT THIS!!! OUUGHHhhhHhh THE REPUBLIC'S NOT GONNA LIKE THIS!!!"
Hades attempts to calm him. "Uh, let's just be glad it's only three layers I guess?"
As Zeus wails in pain in the center of Wrath, he hears a voice from the sky, all three gods witness the hearty, vicious laughter of Thor as he throws his mountain-level weight on top of Zeus, SLAMMING him once again through the floor
And with them, all of Wrath....

HERESY

...again!
In the land of burning coffins and broken pagan gods, the entire roof caves in. The brightest specks among the falling rubble being two beings of lightning and storm, unfortunately (or fortunately?) the intensity of the clash breaks open QUITE a few jails deep within the prison layer, but we'll worry about that a little later as our main characters readjust themselves after CRASHING into the steadily increasing pile of Hell rubble, Thor specifically is tuckering out, heaving like an animal.
"Aaaughhh....augjjh...you're...tougher than you look...lightning-god..."
Zeus coughs and sputters out his response. "Y-you...can't...kill an immortal... You can't kill a god...ffffighting is useless..."
Thor spits out a tooth. "Well, as I said, I ain't trying to kill ya, but at least it seems you're getting beat outta yer gourd...which! Works out fer me!
I dunno quite how ya achieved that tactic ya did up there, but know yer alone now, no cheatin' now! No other gods 'ere-"
Just as Thor finishes that sentence, the dozens of pagan gods begin to wail and scramble away as they realize their shackles have broken, Thor reflects.
"Ohhh, pppprobably not me best plan there..."
Zeus grunts in pain. "Iiiii bet your little Republic won't be very pleased with all of this...! Heehee-oowwww"
Thor points his hammer at Zeus. "You shut your mouth, all this damage is on YOUR head, now stay still and take your punishment like a good paga-
Eh?"

Suddenly a very VERY large, colorful snake rises out of the ground in the distance, spreading its apparent wings out, the serpent seemingly booms to itself.
"¡Aha! Soy libre! Ahora a conseguir justicia!!"
Thor screams, elated, instantly forgetting Zeus. "SNAKE!! AHAHAHAHHHAHAHA!!!"
He maniacally laughs as he flies towards his new prize, to the Snake's startled roar filling the cavern, giving Zeus ample time to reacclimate.

~~~

Hades and Osiris fall once again into Heresy, landing with a resounding thud, Osiris, beyond the pain he's in, obviously freaks out with the state of Hell right now, to which Hades responds.
"I thought you hated this place?"
"Getting banished HURTS! I'd like to not go through it again! Especially with what's basically a divine prison riot!!"
Speaking of divine prison riots, the two hear a voice.
"Psst..."
"HUH??"
It comes from one of the pits, already clad in iron bars but now buried under rubble, Hades and Osiris turn their attention to what appears to be a dire bearded man in a scraggly green hood, the man continues.
"Yer dealing with Thurnor are ye? I can help ya wit that! I can kill 'im! I just needa get outta here and then we'll be square, honest!!"
Osiris brushes him off. "Gods don't die, he'll just abandon us, we need to focus!" Admittedly, even Hades is suspicious.
"Aye! True! But Thurnor's a special case! Ragnarök! A story in which he dies constantly an' consistently! He's one of the few deities who responds to death...perfect for me beatin' stick!
C'monnnn help me out 'ere! Morri is probably worried sick about me!"
Hades tries to ignore the stranger. "I'm sorry but we just can’t- wait, Morri-?"

Thor's fight with the feathered serpent comes back to our gang, crashing into the walls of Heresy and freeing more and more sinners, Thor takes a tumble in-front of Zeus as he remembers what he's here for.
"Oh yeah, I ain't forgotten about you lightnin- HEY!"
Thor notices the feathered serpent attempt to fly out of Heresy, unfortunately its wings appear to be clipped, so it attempts climbing instead, Thor is furious.
"HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THA-"
He's interrupted though by Zeus screaming and then flying into him, this time the two go up, simultaneously as the startled serpent begins thrashing against Heresy's walls, desperate to escape the two, the floor begins to give out, let's go back to Hades Osiris and the stranger!!

Osiris yelps again. "THIS PLACE IS FALLING APART!!
UHM
UH
WHICH ONE OF US CAN FLY???"
Hades yelps in response. "I- I can't! I'm a chthonic god!"
“DUH! I AM TOO!!”
"Ey laddies, I can fly!! Ima god of the weather I am!"
Faced with no other option, Hades and Osiris free the trapped god, and, true to his word, he carries the two up, following Zeus and Thor's fight and the many escaping pagan gods, as Heresy collapses into the lower layers of Hell...

~~~

Odin is chilling at the foot of Mount Purgatory, having escaped his prison in Heresy fairly early and dodging all demons between the layers, he is a god of trickery after all...however he's not all immune to the whims of this realm, as Purgatory forces him to wait out the length of his entire life at its base before he can proceed to Heaven, naturally a tougher job than it should be as an immortal god...

Anyways the floor gives out as a frenzied serpent tries desperately to avoid the fight of two thunder gods.
The serpent thrashes as Zeus and Thor exchange blows, Thor always somehow taking time to beat the serpent as much he beats Zeus, obviously Odin is aghast to see the son that he thought was still in Asgard, meanwhile however, Hades, Osiris, and their new friend land safely among the rubble of Purgatory, watching as the fight begins to destroy swaths of the mountain now...

Hades turns to the stranger. "You said you could kill him! So uh, kill him!!"
"Eh? OH! OF COURSE! Many apologies! Uhm..."
The stranger reaches under his cloak and pulls out what appears to be a long stick, perhaps found on the side of a woodsy road, Hades is unimpressed.
"...you're kidding..."
"No siree I'm not! One side of this staff begets life, the other begets instantaneous death! Just bonk him with that side and he'll be out! Of course you're gonna have to distract him for a bit to do so though!"
Osiris is agitated. "Why can't you do it??"
"Me poor old bones are tired my boy! I 'ave my freedom now! And I'm gonna take any means necessary to get back home!"
"I- uh, think I'm older than y-"
Hades interjects. "Well how're we supposed to do it then!?"
"Yer Hades are ya not? I recognize yer stupid hat!! Use it to yer advantage!"
"B-but-"
But it's too late! the bearded man has vanished, leaving Hades and Osiris with his weird staff, how’re they supposed to use it?
Well they have to figure out fast as Thor manages to knock Zeus far enough to finish his fight with the serpent, it cries out.
"TODO LO QUE SIEMPRE QUISE ES SANGREEEE."
Thor smacks Mjolnir into its head, knocking the serpent out as it crashes into the mountain, and for a mountain of Purgatory dust to shower its base…

~~~

Thor lands on the foggy ground, calling out to Zeus.
"Lightning-god?? Where are ya!?
...
COME OUT AND FIGHT ME!!!"

"...Son?"
Odin steps out from beyond the clouds, Thor is shocked, but attempts to keep his distance, Odin immediately attempts to close it though.
"What are you doing here Thor? I thought you were in Asgard?"
"...I...I haven’t been ta’ Asgard in a long time...father"
"An imposter then? In my midst??" Odin sounds betrayed.
"Oh DON'T act like you ever noticed! You just wanted to feel good among the Ragnaröks...of course we fled!! It was all we could do with your...inaction...your weakness..."
"...I-I understand son...but...I would've liked an explanation, a discussion...we are warriors, it's true...but we are also family...I just...I didn't realize my sorrow would weigh so heavily on you..."
"......and my brother..."
"Hm?"
"Baldr convinced me ta’ leave, he felt more betrayed than me! You abandoned him! For what? Fate? Great Odin? Fallen to weakness because a perpetual war was on his doorstep?! Of course your sons ran away! Of COURSE we grew apart!!"

"...So apart...look, Thor, could you eve-"
Suddenly, behind Odin, Zeus is discovered limping away via disappearing fog, Thor immediately readies his hammer.
"DAD STAY BACK!!!"
Thor launches his hammer at Zeus, knocking him on his ass, he raises his hand and snaps his fingers, only for it to be suddenly pulled behind him by an invisible force.
"WHAT??? WHAT'S TA’ MEANING OF THIS, WHAT’S THIS????"
Osiris, wearing the Helm of Darkness, is holding Thor’s arm behind his back, he speaks in his ear.
"Something I should've done LONG AGO!"
"You zombie BASTARD I'LL- OUFGJNGKHjfjh"

"THOR!!!" Odin cries! The hammer Mjolnir lodges its near infinite weight deep inside Thor's gut, blood pours profusely, Thor however manages to get up anyways, owing to his sheer strength, coughing blood all the while.
"Heh-hehhheh, now that's strength...ooohhh Uriel's going to like this bunch....
Hhhhowever....I’m still up.......and I'll take ya thrashing if I need t-"
Osiris screams "NOW PLUTO!!"
Hades runs, pathetically screaming with the stranger's stick, bonking Thor on the head, killing him instantly!! He slumps over, finally dead...
Odin partly mourns.

"...Thor..."
Hades senses the awkward situation. "Uhm, sorry about your son, Odin."
"...It's, uh, fine, he'll come back to life anyways...I guess...hm....this death feels...a lot worse than every time I've previously seen it..."
"Probably because you guys actually talked this time, outside of Cycle"
"Outside of narrative...hm..."

A great golden beam of light appears above Thor's corpse, a chorus is heard in the distance as it lifts the body upwards, Hades is perplexed!!
"UH? I- I GUESS WE RIDE IT???"
Odin and Hades get on Thor's fat body, Hades yells to Zeus. "ZEUS COME ON!!"
"IiiI'm comin', ack, I'm comin..."
Just as the three lift off, Osiris looks on, Hades screams to him.
"OSIRIS GET ON! COME ON!!!!!!"
"I- I'm sorry, old friend, but I cannot, I-I swore a duty to this realm, no matter how cowardly, and I-"
"Do you REALLY want to be here for their reaction to this mess???"

With that, Osiris jumps onto the Thor-boat immediately, as the four ride it up to presumably the Primum Mobile...the highest ring of the Republic of Heaven...

Chapter Text

In the great courthouse of the Republic of Heaven, The Morrígan sits in a chair, illuminated by heavenly light and surrounded by dozens of lesser angels, in-front of her is a great stand, where-in sits several higher angels, Raguel begins.
“ROLLLLLCALLLLLL!! RAGUEL, ARCHANGEL OF JUSTICE? PPPPPRESENT!
JIBRĪL, ARCHANGEL OF WILL AND GUARDIAN OF REPUBLIC BORDERS?”
“PRESENT.”
“ANAT, JUDGE OF HELL?”
“Present...”
“BALDR, JUDGE OF CYCLE?”
“Present.”
Before Raguel continues, a great light flashes intensely in the courtroom, in a sound comparable to thunder, a beautifully robed man of stark blood-red/golden wings floats above the jury, he carries a bright sword, constantly aflame.
“ARCHMINISTER URIEL, ARCHANGEL OF WISDOM, SUCCESSOR TO METATRON AND CURRENT RULER OF HEAVEN IN THE FATHER’S STEAD?”
“Present.”
Raguel hits his apparently holy gavel on his apparently holy desk.

“HOLY COURT IS IN SESSION!!!!
In this HOLY tradition started by our absent former Archminister, god bless wherever he is; we declare the state of souls who’ve gone against the Republic’s vision of a united world! We are accompanied here today by Anand of the Three Morrígna, AKA The Morrígan, an Irish pagan goddess of death-”
“U-uhm, hi! HELLO-”
“-who STANDS ACCUSED of aiding and abetting an attempted invasion against the Republic of Heaven hither to UNSEEN at such a political and physical scale since the rebellion of Lucifer! HOW DO YOU PLEAD!!!”
Dramatic gasps fill the courtroom, obviously this isn't a very impartial jury, The Morrígan squawks in fear. “A-ACCUSED?? I THOUGHT I WAS DEFENDING ZEUS??!!”
“Defending a KNOWN CULTURAL AND SOCIAL MENACE!??” Raguel smacks his gavel. "It ALREADY isn’t looking very good for you Mrs. The Morrígan!!"

The courtroom reverberates with murmurs, how do you defend when the judge has already made up his mind? The Morrígan’s going to have to think about this carefully...
Or...she’s at least going to have to ignite something else to distract this obviously flimsy jury...what could do such a thing?
...
Anat, she barely spoke of Uriel, but she spoke of Metatron in reverence, who, apparently, is gone for whatever reason...
The Morrígan decides, putting up an eccentric(er) voice, she slams her weird taloned wing hands on her table and points to Uriel.
If this trial is going to be mostly mock, might as well play by rules of spectacle...
“I OBJECT THIS OBVIOUSLY UNFAIR TRIAL!
INSTEAD! I CHOOSE TO DECLARE ANOTHER TRIAL!!! I ACCUSE THE INVOLVEMENT OF URIEL IN THE DISAPPEARANCE OF FORMER ARCHMINISTER METATRON!!!”

~~~

As the light reaches its brightest, Zeus, Hades, Odin, and Osiris, find themselves in some kind of Heavenly resurrection room, they're all sitting on top of Thor, the god who died in the previous chapter, even mortal gods (as in gods who can die, not demigods) can be revived though, as is the purpose of this room in Heaven.
The room is filled to the brim with little weird babies with wings and animal heads, the Cherubim, they instantly react.
"Pppppagans? Innnnn our midst? Innnnnnvaders... INVADERS! INVADERS! INVAD-"
As the Cherubim robotically attempt to call for backup, Hades hits one of them with the Stranger's stick, the baby falls to the floor, unmoving, to the shock of the others, Hades especially. "...are those supposed to be able to die…?"
"Uhm, uh-" as Osiris is responding, the other Cherubim attempt bolting out of the room, Osiris changes topics. "GET THEM TOO, GET THEM!!!"
Speeding off of Thor’s corpse (The Thorpse), Hades swings for the babies like a mom with a broom against a flying cockroach as Osiris cheers him on.

Meanwhile, the ailing Zeus and Odin speak, or, well, Odin speaks first.
"...You seem unwell, lightning-god, what is the matter?"
"Oh, pfft, like you care."
"We sit upon the corpse of my favorite son whose last words were in disdain of me, I would like very much to think of anything else."
Zeus sighs. "Aughhh I just, like, WHAT IS THIS?? I just wanted to know what was going on! And now I'm here and- apparently I and everyone else have been asleep for centuries??? Like, how am I supposed to deal with that? What is this! I just wanted to see what my daughter was up to!! And like, she’s WITH THEM????" Zeus looks to a far wall, it's held up with a Roman pillar. "And instead, I'm illegally in the grand palace of a very powerful pantheon I don't know the name of and yet they seem VERY KEEN ON STEALING MY STYLE!!"
Odin nods. "Well... you're not alone...I, too, hate the situation I’m in...”
Zeus scowls sarcastically. “OHH, WELL! THANKS-”
“But I’m glad for such a purpose, this is the first time anything interesting has happened to me in centuries, and to learn that these people may be responsible for that malaise too? It races my heart, to think that, following this, if we succeed safe and sound, the world will be as it was, full of adventure.......or at least of basic intrigue, for old gods like us...”
Zeus relaxes his face, then a split-second of realization appears upon it, only for a moment, he pats Odin on the back...reluctantly...
“...You’re a good guy, Odin, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise...”
“...I am objectively not, but...you aren’t either, so, thanks?? Hrm.”

“ACK!!” With the last of the Cherubim down via magic Hell stick, our quadrio is safe at last...as safe as you can be in the capital of a foreign nation that hates you, at least. Hades and Osiris meet back up at the Thorpse to discuss things.
Odin pipes up. “So what's the plan?”
“Honestly? No idea, I have no idea how to get home and even if we COULD, the Republic knows what we know now.”
Osiris chimes in. “Plus, we’d be essentially living on borrowed time until they discover what happened to Hell, ignoring those of us who don’t have a home BESIDES Hell, cough cough.” Osiris says the word “cough” vocally, absolutely no one picks up on it and thinks it’s weird.
As the gods converse amongst themselves, Zeus simply gets up and begins to walk toward the door, confusing everyone more, Hades yells to him.
“H-HEY! ZEUS! What’re you doing??”
“I’m ending this once and for all, say hi to your respective loved ones for me!”
“W-what, WHAT??? WHAT’RE YOU DOING?? WHAT’S YOUR PLAN???”
Zeus opens the door to the Heavenly hallway. “If I told you, you’d get REAL pissy, so I’m just gonna take this next stage myself! If you so please!”
“ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JUST GONNA WALK AROUND BASED ON FUCKING IMPULSE???”
Zeus chuckles. “You know me Hades! C’mon! HAHA!”
With that, the door swings shut behind him, leaving the three gods on the Thorpse alone, Odin and Osiris provide their own comments.
“That’s not gonna end well.”
“Why’d we all sit here while he was walking away?”

~~~

Uriel defends his honor. “Fool, Metatron left for his own reasons, I am acting in his absence, not that you’d know such a thing...”
The Morrígan slaps her hands on the table again, perhaps thinking that that’s how dramatic trials work. “WELL THEN! If you’re so sure then I CALL ARCHMINISTER METATRON TO THE STAND!!”
Dramatic gasps once again fill the courtroom, Uriel continues to attempt to reason.
“You can’t call him to the stand! We don’t know where he is!!”
“BECAUSE YOU KILLED HIM O-”
“Angels can’t die, idiot.” Uriel fluffs up his wings.
“You didn’t let me finish! bECAUSE YOU KILLED HIM OR SOMETHING ADJACENT! Don’t be rude!”
Baldr whispers to Anat next to him. “I-I’ll just preemptively prep the damnation chamber...” and he gets up to walk out of the room as Uriel and The Morrígan continue to trade legal blows.
Anat continues to nurse her worsening headache. “The Morrígan, what the hell are you doing?”
“DEFENDING! You give me the weapons and I’m gonna use ‘em to defend my honor!!”
“You’re not defending you’re mudslinging...”

~~~

The gods chatter on as Baldr leaves the room, he heads off to prep this so-called damnation chamber.
It is, ironically, the same chamber that’s used to revive mortal gods.
He opens the door. “Hayyot! Merkabah! Kabballah! Exit the room, I’m here to-”

Two dead gods, one actually dead god who happens to be his brother, and his father, INSTEAD of chimera-infants, which are obviously much more normal, are not the sights young Baldr expects, he freezes up. "... y o u ...”
Odin gets off of the Thorpse and walks towards him. “Baldr...”
“S-STAY AWAY! GET AWAY FROM ME!” Baldr screams despite not walking backward at all. “I-I KNOW HOW TO FIGHT NOW!!!!! AA-AAND IF YOU DEFEAT ME THE ENTIRETY OF HEAVEN WILL BE ON YOU!! S-S-STAY BACK!! STAY AWA-“
Odin embraces him.
“I’m sorry...
I know that doesn’t mean much…but…I hope it’s something…I shouldn’t have let people push you away like that, I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that...I’m sorry son...”
Baldr is still on edge, but he embraces his father, ignoring the completely understandably confusing feelings for now…he points behind his dad.
“...Is that Thor?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah, he died after destroying all of Hell.
Also! Son, this is Hades and Osiris! Hades, Baldr, Osiris, Baldr!”
“Hey”
“Greetings.”

“...” Baldr pushes Odin off of him. “Sure, sure, okay, sure, fine, okay, this is normal...augh, I don’t know HOW I’m going to bring this up to the rest of the council...”
Immediately among a flurry of accusations of betrayal and “COME ONNN”s, Baldr explains.
“NONONO! Just, The Morrígan is on trial right now! If you four can attend, it’ll probably go waaaayyy smoother than it’s going now! Everything will be nice and dandy and peaceful and-
...where’s Zeus.”
Suddenly, a loud boom is heard down the hallway.

~~~

Breaking into the courtroom to gasps of shock and horror (they seem to do that a lot), Zeus makes his entrance. “WHAT UP HEAVEN! IT’S ME! That guy you LOOOVE to HATE!!
I have some choice words for the lot of ya! YOU!” Zeus points at Jibrīl. “YOU OWE ME A REMATCH
YOU!” Zeus points at Raguel. “I don’t know who YOU are but I’m sure you’re an asshole! And YOU!!!” Zeus points at Anat...
“...
You can choose to do whatever you want, I honestly don’t care, but know you’ll always have a home in Olympus…that I’ll swear by.”
Anat is shocked. “...Father-”
“AND AS FOR YOUUUUU-” Zeus swings his pointer finger to Uriel. “...Who are you?”
“The Archminister...and you’re making QUITE the mess here pagan, quite the mess here indeed...” Through gritted teeth, Uriel barely disguises his scorn.
“Oh!” Zeus however seems pleased. “So you’re the head honcho? Don’t have to think too much about it then!”

To Heavenly screams, Zeus rushes Uriel, crashing beyond the courtroom’s walls, to the outer Primum Mobile...

Chapter Text

The skies of Heaven, golden clouds and archways among sunbeams and rings...
And within? A fight between the kings of two realms...

Zeus, despite being sore after his fight with Thor, is lightning-eyed, with each hit he brings the force of thunder itself, Uriel screaming all the while. He snickers. “What’s with the face? Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted!?” Zeus holds the angel up by his neck as the two hurtle through the golden sky. “CAN’T A CONQUEROR TAKE BEING CONQUERED???”
With a punch downward sending the angel spiraling, Zeus takes out his lightning bolts and starts blasting...until Uriel unsheathes his sword and SLICES one of Zeus’s bolts in twain! Uriel’s eyes light up. “...Foolish pagan.”
“Oh shi-”
Uriel rushes at Zeus, slicing the air so fast that it ignites in great arcs, Zeus dodges a couple of these before Uriel gets up close and personal and HEADBUTTS Zeus downward, retribution for earlier.
As Zeus falls, he realizes he’s being bathed in some kind of golden pillar of light! He swipes right immediately! Narrowly avoiding being hit by some kind of holy beam attack! (You ever play Ultrakill? It's exactly like that.)
He looks up, Uriel holding his sword in-front of him, he SCREAMS IN RAGE! The angel rushes at Zeus again! Though this time our hero blocks the attack with one of his lightning bolts. A couple more blocks (with Zeus having to replace the bolt every time, they dissipate remember?) and Uriel tries the beam move again, only for Zeus to hold against his sword and point it up! The resulting beam sends the two hurtling downward ever faster.

~~~

Right past our flightless characters in the ruined courthouse...
“W-what the hell is he doing????” Anat’s confusion, both emotionally and just in general, is palpable in her voice.
Raguel dusts himself off, obviously agitated. “Whatever it is, it’s a war crime! He’s sure to go to Hell now!”
Odin and Baldr walk onto the scene. “Well, Thor destroyed all of Hell, so no-go there.”
“HE DID WHAT????” Both Raguel and Anat scream in shock, though Raguel chooses to act. “THAT’S IT! REGARDLESS I’ll make sure the pagan spends the rest of his life as a STATUE!” He looks to Jibrīl. “JIBRĪL! Waste him!”
“YES SIR-”
Suddenly though, a mysterious voice appears from behind them all. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you...
shalom, by the way.”
Anat screams. “METATRON???”

The goddess immediately runs up to and embraces the angel, then asks the obvious. “W-where have you been!?? What’s going on!!????”
Raguel weighs in with his own obviousness. “And why does it involve not attacking the invader??”
Metatron mutters under his breath. “Ah shit the fight started early...uuuHHHH all shall be explained and more! But first...I’ll need Jibrīl to go interfere with the battle-”
Jibrīl doesn’t hesitate. “YOUR WORD IS MY LAW, KING-SERVANT…” He unsheathes his sword and quickly vanishes to the sky.
“...Well! That’s that for him...For rest of you though, I have other jobs.”
The former Archminister rushes to make a makeshift table, dropping an assortment of scrolls and knick-knacks on top of it, he then looks to Anat, Baldr, Odin, The Morrígan, and Hades, Hades specifically has the Stranger’s magic stick if you recall. “You five-”
Osiris however weighs in. “Wait, what do I do?”
“Oh, uhm, I never accounted for you, you just, sit there, I guess?”
“Oh. Okay.” Osiris crosses his arms.

~~~

Still tussling and still falling, the golden skies of Heaven give way to a dark starry night, the lower spheres of the aether...eventually the two gods crash hard on an orange-ish plain, bathed in starlight...allowing Zeus to reacclimate his wartorn-at-this-point body.
Zeus gets up, fixing a crick in his back. “Aoughh, where are we now?”
Uriel himself stretches his shoulders, now is the time for the two of them to prepare for a more “official” fight, he speaks plain. “The Sixth Sphere...” He lets out an aggravated sigh, like he’s become incredibly annoyed with something. “Where the souls of just kings go...Jupiter.”

Zeus laughs. “Ohhhh! That’s just both adorable AND ridiculously contrived!
Well! While we’re stretchin’ it out, how about you tell me why you’re stealing all my shit?”
Uriel scoffs, looking away. “...I have nothing to say to you, pagan, nor your hypocrisy…”
“My what?”
“”Can’t a conqueror take being conquered?” From Jupiter Optimus Maximus? That ego is a stain to all who hear it, especially mortals...A cruel, unjust king who does nothing but war across countrysides...”
“...I won’t defend myself, but that’s QUITE a lot of gall coming from you, Mr. Republic of Heaven...I never trapped a dude in a never-ending apocalypse!
...And if I did it’d probably be to a mortal or a titan and not a fellow deity!!!”
“Hrmmghghghhhh” Uriel seethes, “...the worst thing the Almighty ever let happen was let your empire fall simply through age…” He points his sword at Zeus. “But at least it FELL! There’s no place for you in the world anymore, pagan, no place except Hell...”
Zeus, completely unphased, remembers his original convo-starter. “Oh yeah, Hell! Again! Why’re you stealing all my shit!? There’s a whole OTHER River Styx in Hell! Blatant copyright infringement!”
Uriel grunts, then smirks. “I thought the River Styx belonged to Pluto...”
“You’re dodging the question!”
“Dodge THIS.”

Uriel throws his sword RIGHT AT ZEUS!!!....he misses though. Zeus laughs. “HA!” But it was of course all a distraction as Uriel chokeholds him back into the sky, escaping the Sixth Sphere of Heaven and returning back higher.
Uriel snaps his fingers to call his sword back to him, ala Mjolnir...as Zeus tries to get the hold off, but Uriel stands firm, readying his laser beam attack thing once again, fortunately for Zeus though, Heaven is in the sky, and dark clouds surround the two...
Uriel is caught off-guard as Zeus strikes him with a lightning bolt, MUCH bigger than his handheld ones! Zeus escapes his grasp and gives the angel a mean right hook, using the time while he’s stunned to dip beneath the storm clouds, in an attempt to find a sneakier angle.
Unfortunately for Zeus, someone else calls out to him…
“JUPITER!!”
Zeus himself is caught off-guard when he’s hit by a much more normal sword, the holy blade of Archangel Jibrīl!
Jibrīl boasts. “THY WANTS A REMATCH? I COME TO GIVE THOU ONE!!”
“Oh you are NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW!!!” Zeus counters Jibrīl’s desperate sword strikes against him, the two’s momentary tussle dips back into the storm, where Uriel is attempting yet another holy beam blast.
Zeus chuckles. “...OOOR maybe you ARE!”
“Huh?”
Zeus grabs hold of Jibrīl, using the poor angel as a block against the blast, burning nigh-every one of his six hundred wings (though not totally damaging them)! Jibrīl falls through the sky stunned, as Zeus steals his sword and throws it at Uriel, not intending it to do much but it DOES bonk him on the head! Giving Zeus enough time to rush Uriel again, the two continue their fight in the clouds...

~~~

Jibrīl falls rapidly to Earth, er- Primum Mobile, right in-front of our still-very-confused flightless main characters, he shakes off the ash and flies back into the aether for another go, unsheathing ANOTHER SWORD!!
Metatron makes note of this. “Okay, we’re about at the halfway point, okay, I can still do this, okay…”, he’s endlessly scribbling on many different scrolls as our other characters are standing in different specific spots, apparently this is all apart of Metatron’s plan and our gang has no other ideas but to listen to him, Anat tries to grill him for answers anyways.

“I just don’t understand…what’ve you been doing all this time??”
“Things, something needed me on Earth, but now that I’m back; I have to do things in a very specific sequence in order for something REALLY important to work out, more generally specifically not to cause another war in Heaven, those are never good.” Metatron points to Baldr. “You there! Boychik! Stand there!” Baldr moves two steps to the left in response.
“Worse than the war ignition going on right now in the sky??” Raguel says as he stands by the sidelines, doing pretty much nothing but watching the others in contempt, Metatron’s plan doesn’t account for him either.
“I always missed your attitude Raguel, that much I WILL say!”
Hades asks his own things. “Why crown Uriel to begin with if this was going to be such a problem??”
“Nnnnot in my control unfortunately, the Republic operates via best-role, from Jehovah’s disappearance, leadership fell to me, and when I left, I knew it’d fall to Uriel, it’s based on power and not much else, and obviously Uriel is a bit more of a conqueror type among the older angels like me.” He beckons to Hades. “I’m gonna need that stick by the way.”
“Oh, sure.”
He grabs the thing and hands it off to The Morrígan, pointing at her to stand about 9 paces back, but she’s immediately curious of the object.
“Wwwwait a minute, I recognize this thing, i-it’s, uhm, it’s-”
“It’s your husband’s- he was in Hell-”
“WHAT?”
“But he’s better now, he should be back in the Tír na nÓg already, you will meet him when you return!!”
“Oh...cool!”
Metatron mumbles to himself. “Alright, that’s one arc done, doin good Metatron, you’re doin good.”
He coughs “Ahem, SO! I knew it’d fall to Uriel, buuuuuut Uriel’s kind of a putz, so I ALSO knew when I returned I’d have to do a WHOLE bunch of junk to make It allll work out.”
Odin asks his own brand of obviousness because he likes to be included. “Like, you knew the future, like fate? Prophecy??”
Metatron shrugs. “More like a series of coincidences hinging on a group of gods causing a ruckus in Heaven...” He points to Hades, suddenly exasperated. “You! Do NOT move! Everything HINGES on your ass sitting in THAT EXACT POSITION. DON’T MOVE A MUSCLE!!!” Hades freezes up and obliges as Metatron returns to exposi-writing. “Look, of course none of this makes sense, but it’s gotta go RIGHT or at the very least VERY CLOSE to being right! Now we aaaaall gotta get in our specific positions before they come back…and considering Jibrīl just messed up recently…we do not have much leeway!”

~~~

Uriel and Zeus keep exchanging blows, obvious at this point that they’re evenly matched, Uriel attempts to pontificate though.
“What happened there was a PERFECT example of your kind! UNJUST! DIRTY! Using one of my OWN allies against me? Are there no depths you won’t go to???”
“Man stop trying to morally argue with me! I just hate your guts!!!”
Uriel hits harder. “And that’s EXACTLY my point! There’s NOTHING to you! NOTHING but a PARABLE of FAILURE! And yet the people LOVE you for it, loved every aspect they could explain away as the tricks of the great King of the Gods!! Where’s your love, pagan? Your compassion, the right that binds you to every living thing on Earth!?”
“What I saw in Hell was NOT love!!”
“THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID!!”
Uriel strikes Zeus downwards, flapping his wings fast enough to make sure he keeps going downwards, their fight continues all the while.
Until they pierce the very skies of Earth...

~~~

...No Man’s Land, endless war and trenches, where Zeus started his journey searching for Athena, and perhaps where it will finish...
Throwing Zeus to the ground, our hero takes a tumble through the blood-soaked dirt and barbed-wire of the battlefield, as Uriel parts the clouds to blast him with another beam.
Instantly reacting though, Zeus grabs a machine gun from a nearby downed soldier and aims it upwards, hitting Uriel and interrupting the attack, and leading to him also falling from the sky into the battlefield.
Uriel coughs up dirt as Zeus hovers above him, he snickers. “H-hypocrisy again, pagan…now you’re the one dodging the question.”
Zeus throws away the machine gun, not really knowing what it is anyways. “I don’t have to answer what I don’t care about!”
Uriel screams, almost sobbing. “THEN WHAT ARE YOU FIGHTING FOR??? WHAT’S THE POINT OF PICKING A FIGHT YOU’LL NEVER WIN??”
“DUDE! I’M. TIRED. OF. YOUR. ASS. WHAT’S NOT CLICKING??? When I was ruler of the world, I didn’t stick my fingers in every realm on Earth! That was the mortals’ job! I just focused on my empire and my empire only! But YOU? You’re taking over the world! You’ve hurt people I consider allies!
I may lose this fight…but at least I’m NOT YOU!!!”
Suddenly Zeus stops speaking, the war front is eerily silent.
“Do, uh, do you hear something?”

A thousand distant bowstrings snap, the two gods look toward the horizon, Archangel Jibrīl leading an army of phantom warriors…sending a thousand arrows straight at our quarrelers!!
Uriel wastes little time, he instantly parts the clouds and attempts an escape to Heaven without Zeus, but Zeus has an ace up his sleeve...running as fast as he can after him! Zeus makes it in time, missing the mass attack.
And as the bowmen dissipate, Jibrīl rushes closely behind...
...meanwhile, two soldiers who witnessed the scuffle have a conversation, the British one has a normal response. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???"
The other one, a German soldier with an odd piece on his helmet, rebukes him. "Hmph, seemed normal to me!
Now are you gonna beg for mercy or not?"

~~~

Up the funnel, faster and faster through the sky, the three trade blows and attacks, all missing as they're all focused with getting higher and higher, past all the spheres of Heaven, even unexpectedly beyond the Primum Mobile...
As eventually our characters all break Through...to absolute infinite darkness...resembling outer space, though with a kind of fish-eye effect...
The gods float weightlessly in the void, Zeus speaks aloud
“Whoa…”
Uriel sheathes his sword and bows to the expanse. “...Behold, the void…” He unsheathes it and looks in Zeus’s direction. “...Unbearable is it not?”
“Pfft, yeah right! Chaos was my great grandparent!” Zeus attempts to throw another lightning bolt at Uriel only for him to catch it, it dissipates in his hands.
“This is The Empyrean, pagan, it didn’t use to be empty space...this is what’s left of it, following the disappearance of Jehovah...”
“Yawhuh?”
“JEHOVAH!! God of all! King of Heaven! Until he vanished, replaced with his inferior servant, Metatron...
Then HE vanished, not up to just the simple mission of THE FATHER HIMSELF! And so all that was left was ME, Archangel Uriel! Guardian of the Garden? Now Guardian of Heaven...”

Zeus crosses his arms and scoffs. “If you’re saying all your actions are because of daddy issues, spare me, I got enough of that when I was 18...”
Uriel cackles. “...No, I LOVE my job! My duty! My SOLE purpose on this world to orchestrate the beauty of Heaven and its creatures, to punish those who go against it, against the WILL of GREAT JEHOVAH HIMSELF!!!
I AM NO GOD! BUT I AM KING! AND YOU! Lesser…shall bow before that greater honor!”
Zeus covers his mouth, trying (and failing) to stifle a laugh. “PPpffhfhttmgm,hahhehaHAHAHHAHA! Ooohhh that’s SOOO much worse than daddy issues dude!!”
“SILENCE! Here? in VOID! WE FIGHT TO THE VERY EN-“

Interrupting Uriel though, Jibrīl arises from the way they came in, Zeus grimaces.
“UGH, not you again!”
Uriel squints at the angel himself. “...Archangel Jibrīl, what be your purposes here? You fired at me with a thousand arrows, tell me, was this desperation of the fight? Because that’s very irresponsible, if true...”
Jibrīl looks down solemnly. “DESPERATION YES, ARCHANGEL OF WISDOM…BUT NOT WITHOUT INTENT. I HAVE BEEN TASKED TO PUT AN END TO THIS SCUFFLE BY A HIGHER POWER THAN EVEN YOU, GREAT URIEL.”
“...Metatron has returned??”
Zeus looks to the two confused. “Mettaton?”
Jibrīl however raises his sword. “I DO NOT DO THIS HAPPILY, GUARDIAN, BUT THIS NEEDS TO END...IT ALL NEEDS TO END.”
Unfurling his hundreds of wings, bringing his sword to his chest, and evoking the One True Name of God, Jibrīl banishes Zeus AND Uriel back down to the Primum Mobile, falling as fast as rocks or a very rueful Icarus, down...down they fall.

~~~

To our flightless main characters...
Crashing right on top of Metatron’s scribe table (though he interestingly managed to save a final scroll), Uriel lays unconscious.
While Zeus landed on Hades, softening his fall.
“Ow...”
“FATHER!” Anat runs to Zeus, seeing if he’s okay, Zeus seems completely unphased by his fall.
“Oh hey Athe- Anat, what’s up?”
Anat stutters, then stays silent, looking at the ground.
“U-uhm, uh,
How’reeee…you doing? Dad?”
“Oh I’m doin’ good, uh, again, how are you?”
“F-fine! Just fine! Yeah! Heheh! Doin…just great! As the Judge of Hell! Yeah!”
“That’s nice!” Zeus gives Anat a silent smile.
With that incredibly awkward situation, Metatron strikes off something on his scroll.
“OKAY! FIRST ARC IS OVER NOW! Fantastic job you two! uuhhh-”
“Who the hell’s that guy?” “Don’t worry about it.”

Metatron points at Baldr and Odin, screaming at them. “BALDR! ODIN! YOU TWO MAKE UP! NOW!!”
Baldr stumbles. “WHAT?? UHHH, UHHHHHHHHH.”
“...Baldr...Can you ever forgive me? I- I’m sorry, I know I said that already but…I really shouldn’t have let that happen...”
Baldr gives his father a solemn look. “...I...I appreciate that you recognize that....but...I don’t know…it’s just been so long…it was so hard living like that father, you don’t understand.”
“I…suppose I don’t...b-but I’m willing to try!”
Baldr gives a very weak smile. “...M-maybe, maybe trying is good…yeah…yeah maybe that’ll work.
…b-but-“

Metatron interrupts, striking off another thing on his scroll. “OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH FOR NOW, THAT’S GOING ON FOR A LITTLE TOO LONG! UH, UHHHHH
URIEL?”
Uriel arises from his terrible final resting place, his wings frazzled, a sore in his back, and his sword by his side…still constantly aflame…
“There we go!”
As Uriel begins to sense his surroundings…he spies Zeus….
“Oh boy, here we go...” Zeus prepares himself with one of his remaining lightning bolts…
“You...” As Uriel readies his flaming sword...
As the two gods rear up for another fight, Metatron appears to be silently counting something down.
They charge for eachother! But…their fight is interrupted by a Great. Blinding. Light...

~~~

“HALT ALL YOUR CONFLICT! FOR I HAVE RETURNED!!!!!”
The golden light fills the room, heavenly choir accompanying it, Uriel stands shocked as every angel in the vicinity begins tearing up and falling to their knees (if they have them).
“J-Jehovah???”
“NOT ANYMORE I’M NOT! Now I’m- Uhm-” The gilded figure points to Zeus. “You there! What’s my name!?”
Zeus is put on the spot. “UH, UHHHH, Kkkhhhrriiiiistos??”
“Khristos is good! Rolls off the tongue good at least!” The golden figure suddenly takes on the appearance of a slender, green-robed man, wearing some kind of red cape, the man is of varying ethnicity and beard-length. “What up everybody! I’m Khristos!”

Raguel, through tears and bated breath. “Oh...heavenly father, why did you abandon us? W-we tried to keep up your mission in your absence! B-but the pagans-”
Khristos interrupts flippantly. “Oh man! My Jehovah days! Yeah all that’s over now, sorry Raggy, I’m a new man! And all it needed to take was a couple human lifetimes of hardships…or ten…I don’t remember already!”
Raguel wipes the tears off his face. “H-human?? Y-you incarnated on Earth?”
Khristos gives him a good ole thumbs up. “Mhm! Intentional ego death! VERY good for the soul! I’m basically a whole new guy!! I really recommend it to some of you!” Khristos points finger guns at Zeus, Osiris, and Odin specifically.
“Who wants some exposition! I know y’all want some exposition right!? Show of hands!” Baldr raises his hand only for Anat to put it down, Metatron has his hand all way up, he’s very clearly bouncing up and down in place.
Khristos laughs. “Heh! Well! I reincarnated back into god-form after I was done with my little experiment, overseen by my loyal scribe Metatron here after I called him! Buuuuuut when it was time for me to return to the crown, we remembered that the Republic was still following all my oooold drab ways, UGH!
SO! I needed to clear out the tyranny without starting a whole full-fledged war by appearing outta nowhere! Based on Metatron’s insistence inspired by his student, Hanat there, we decided I should utilize the psychic airways of the Republic of Heaven to make the pagan gods of the other realms eeeeeever so slightly more aware that they were being duped by us! All y’all’s boredom? It was ME! Haha!!
Worked like a charm too! Now that I’m back, we can really fix this place up, what’s going on with Hell these days??”
Baldr asserts himself. “Oh, uhm, Hell’s destroyed…sorry.”
“Oh is it?” Khristos waves his hand as if that wasn’t really a big deal. “Well! I was gonna abolish it anyways! No matter! Sinners can go to one of y’all’s places instead…probably…we’ll hash it out!”
Anat speaks. “H-Hell is abolished?? B-but, what about my job? D-do I have to go back to Olympus???”
Khristos incessantly chuckles, he’s a very infectious and kind of overbearing presence in the room right now. “Oh don’t worry Hanat! Your job wasn’t reeeeally Hell! It was the immortality of all these weirdo god-beings here!
How’d you like to become the Ambassador for the Kingdom of Heaven instead hm?”
Anat gives a worrisome smile. “O-oh, uhm, sure! SURE that works! Wow!”
“Proud of you honey!” Zeus shouts while still on top of Hades.

“Yeah! Oh yeah that reminds me.” Khristos turns to Uriel. “Uriel! Baaaaby! You’re not needed anymore, you can go back to guarding the Garden now! Thanks for holding the fort though!!” He points finger guns at the honestly kinda dumbfounded angel…
To Uriel’s face turning to a frown...
“...I’m so sorry father, but I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“Haha, what?”
Uriel grips his flaming sword tighter. “I-I don’t know WHAT’S happened in the past thousand years…but this is… this is…UNACCEPTABLE!”
The angel flares his wings out, Khristos looks progressively more worried, Metatron seems to be counting down silently again. “Yyyyou’re scarin’ me buddy!”
“I’M NOT YOUR “BUDDY”, FALSE SHEPARD!
I-I thought things would CHANGE when you returned, b-but THIS? THIS???
I-I can’t let this happen.. I need to do something! I NEED TO-”

BONK!
The Morrígan hits Uriel on the head with the magic stick, knocking him out. “Thaaaat’s enough of that!”
Metatron sighs with relief. “Aaaaaand scene! AUUGHGHH that was CENTURIES in the making!”
“Really? All of it?”
“Well, I really thought Yama would be involved, but I guess not?
Again, series of coincidences, y’know how it is.”
“Strangely enough I do!” The Morrígan is a goddess of fate, remember? In Detour 1? Anybody??
Khristos sighs wearily. “Aaaagh, poor Uriel...”
He smacks his hands together. “WELP! Back to the Garden he’ll go! I’m sure he’ll be fine with it!
After reflecting
For a couple centuries
At least!!”
The Morrígan is perplexed. "Wait is he not dead?"
Metatron rectifies the plot-hole quickly. "Oh, the stick only knocks out immortal gods, we won't have to revive Uriel, nor the Cherubim you guys knocked out earlier."
"Oh...okay!"

Hades (who is still under Zeus) coughs as our wrap-up still continues. “...Sooooo, ahem, what about all the cycles and all the Republic systems still in place? Since they’re primarily “Jehovah” systems? What’re you gonna do about that?”
Osiris, who is homeless since the destruction of Hell, concurs. “YEAH WHAT'S GOING ON THERE!!!”
Khristos tugs at his non-existent collar. “W-WELL! We caaaaaan’t really safely dismantle those now can we?
Don’t worry though guys! I ain’t the conquering type anymore! Regardless of what my followers think. I’ll just restructure all those airways as some kinda…god travel system or somethin, I dunno! I’ll hash it out! Call it “Khrist-Air” or something! Hahah!”
Odin looks worried. “So you still get to rule??????” In the background, Baldr is moving the corpse of Thor. By himself.
“I-In name only! Don’t worry about it! I WILL dismantle all of those mean ole “Cycle” systems, no more Ragnaröks or headaches or genocides for the foreseeable future!
Uhm
Spiritually anyways! Can’t say anything for mortals! Haha!” No one laughs with that remark.
Osiris double takes. “W-wait wait, so like, that’s it? Egypt is back? Everyone in Hell is just, free to return to their homes? Just like that?”
Khristos nods. “Just like that!!
YOU’RE ALL FREE! CUZ OF ME!!!!! YAY!!!!!!” Khristos pumps his fists to the air, with Metatron following, and the angels looking pleased with themselves (including Raguel, despite being an obvious enabler of the system), every other god present though just seems kind of baffled and confused, they don’t know what to make of this ending...
Eventually, our hero, the mighty Zeus, speaks.

“…Y’know what? Fuck it. I’m done! That’s enough shit for one lifetime.” Zeus gets off Hades and begins trudging away,
Hades scrambles back up to his own two feet, interjecting. “B-but Heaven is still operating???”
“Well, they’re, good now??? Soooooo.” Zeus shrugs violently. “Whatever! I did what I wanted to do today! Or, this week, I got to talk to my daughter! And she’s doing VERY well for herself! So I’m OBJECTIVELY still not a failure of a father!“ As Zeus lies through his teeth, Hades openly contemplates.
“B-but......Ugh, y’know? You’re right, yeah.
Let’s just all go home.”
“That’s the spirit!” Khristos shoots finger guns at everyone present as they all respond with basic toleration and the feeling of kinda wanting to go to all lengths to avoid him.

All gods present go their separate ways…back to their separate realms.
The Morrígan carries her husband’s staff (The Stranger was The Dagda by the way). “I can’t wait to feel normal again!”
Baldr and Odin walk side by side, both emotionally and because that’s the only way they can move Thor efficiently. “W-with Ragnarök gone, I hope we can begin healing...”
“I hope so too father...i hope so too…”
Osiris feels like he’s supposed to be happy but he’s mostly confused. “I-I guess it’s back home??
..OH!! AND MY WIFE! ISIS! MY WIFE! I FORGOT I HAD ONE OF THOSE! That’ll be neat!!!”
Zeus and Hades walk side by side for the last time…this week. ”Say hi to Hera for me, brother.”
“You know I won’t!” Zeus sneers.
“Yeaaaah I know you won’t.” Hades gives him a weak smile
And everyone on the premises vanishes...

~~~

Mount Olympus…It is night in Greece, and Zeus stumbles home to Hera still on her smaller throne, still drowning herself in wine.
“T-took you long enough! Does it REALLY take that long to visit your kids??? What’d you even do out there???”
As Zeus prepares for another argument with his wife, he stops himself, he continues walking to his throne, sits down upon it, and looks at his wife with a smile on his face.
“…Y’know what I found? I found a bit of purpose I think, it was nice! I should do it again…”
Hera rolls her eyes “I don’t think you should.”
Zeus looks to the ceiling chuckling to himself. “Yeah probably not! Haha!”
The two rulers sit on their thrones, as they’ve done for centuries, apparently that’s where they sleep.

High atop Mount Olympus lay the Greek Gods, and their ruler, mighty Zeus...
He is significantly less bored.

THE END