Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Marina... Yes..." Samarie moaned, partially muffled by the pillow she'd buried herself in. Her fingers were buried deep inside her cunt, thrusting away while she ground her clit against her palm. Her eyes were closed so she couldn't see how her scarred, malnourished body writhed nakedly across sweat-stained sheets that should have been washed weeks ago. In her mind's eye she wasn't here, though. She was far away from her messy, smelly dorm room, covered in dust and dirty laundry. She was with Marina.

Beautiful, perfect Marina. Her saviour, her raven-winged angel. The girl of her dreams who didn't even know her name, her one and only love. Most nights Samarie tossed and turned with nightmares, but when she did not it was Marina she dreamt of.

Her Marina was a shy one, reclusive and reserved. But Samarie knew the kind of person she was underneath all that armour. She'd read her diary, watched her when she was alone, when she was asleep. She knew Marina in a way no-one else did, she saw her beloved for the strong, beautiful, confident girl she truly was. Samarie didn't know whether to shout it from the rooftops and let the whole world know how special Marina truly was, or jealously hoard that secret until the end of time. It would be more special, that way. If she was the only person on Earth blessed with that knowledge.

Samarie slid two fingers into her mouth, caressing them with her tongue, pretending it was Marina that she was sucking. She'd seen her penis, dainty and small and as pretty as the rest of her, in the school showers after PE. Marina used to be shy about that, too, but these days hardly ever seemed to care that she was built a little different from the other girls. Idly, Samarie wondered why that might be, but didn't give much thought to the matter. If Marina was happy enough in her body not to hide it, then that was all that mattered.

Once, Samarie had seen Marina caressing herself through her panties. She hadn't meant to, she'd just looked through her dorm room window in the hopes of catching her asleep, maybe sticking around to listen to her breathing for a minute or two so she could imagine herself nestled in her gentle embrace. She didn't stick around to watch the rest of the act, it felt too invasive, but that didn't stop the image from getting burned into her memory forevermore.

Another moan slipped past her pallid lips as she started fucking herself even faster, curling her fingers to reach that special spot inside her. She imagined herself worshipping Marina's cock, taking it as deep as she could and leaving black lipstick marks all over it and her smoothly shaved balls. Samarie wanted Marina to claim her, to bite her, to leave marks across her neck and chest, maybe even covering up her scars with beautiful red and purple spots so she could actually stand to look at herself. She wanted Marina to cover her face and hair in her seed, she wanted her to kiss her while pounding her into the mattress or up against the wall. She wanted Marina to fuck her in any position they could come up with, to touch her in every way, she wanted... she wanted...

Samarie wanted to know Marina's favourite colour. She wanted to rest her head in her lap while she read her favourite book. She wanted to take Marina to the carnival and arcade, she wanted to walk hand in hand to the theatre for a movie that was new to both of them. She wanted Marina to play video games and build Lego sets with her. She wanted them to sit together at lunch, to kiss without a care in the world for who could see them. Samarie wanted to be Marina's girlfriend.

Without warning she broke down in tears, sobbing pitifully into the uncaring dark of night. Usually, Samarie didn't start crying until after she was done, when reality set in to spoil the afterglow and remind her of just how pathetic she was. She kept fucking herself through the tears, harder and harder like she was punishing herself, pulling her hand free from her mouth to yank at her hair.

Her orgasm was painful, brief and unsatisfying. She tried in vain for another one, a better one, but her poor body just wasn't up for it. Still wracked with sobs she pulled her fingers out and wiped them off on the bedsheets, before slowly opening her eyes to look at herself.

Almost two metres tall, but as skinny as a newborn fawn with far too visible ribs. Her pale skin was covered in scars across her arms, thighs and stomach. Even a couple on her barely-there breasts. A lot of them self-inflicted, but most were ghoulish reminders of everything they had done to her. Samarie wasn't just ugly, she was monstrous. Barely recognisable as human. Spoiled goods.

She buried her face in her pillow to muffle her cries. Who the hell was she trying to fool? Marina would never be hers. Even if she did somehow have a fetish for scarred, used-up twigs, she would never want to spend time with some crazy bitch who couldn't even get off without weeping like a widowed hag. Samarie knew damn well she was unlovable down to her core.

Eight years now she'd been in love with Marina, ever since the day she came back from winter break wearing the prettiest dress ever, with curly long hair and looking a thousand times happier than she had the year before. And not once, not ever, had Samarie spoken as much as a word to her. She'd had an excuse back when she still had to go home to the Ninth Circle after school, but now? Now it was just cowardice.

With sore lungs and weary muscles, Samarie lifted her head to look across her bomb site of a room. She saw the bouquet of wilted roses she'd bought Marina for Valentine's Day two months ago, never to be gifted because she'd chickened out right outside her door and ran away. She saw the cardboard box in the corner, filled to the brim with eight years' worth of unsent letters. And finally her closet, the insides of its doors covered in drawings and photos of Marina, taken in secret or printed out from her sparse Instagram posts.

Samarie truly was pathetic. A stalker, a creep and a pervert. Marina deserved better than her.

Not bothering to get up for water, Samarie laid back in her bed and stared up at the ceiling, settling in for another sleepless night.

Marina groaned in frustration as she threw a ball of rubber bands at the wall, only for it to bounce onto her desk and knock over a jar of pencils. She hated being bored, especially on a Saturday, but was stuck in that annoying in-between state where none of the things you have to entertain yourself with quite hit the spot. She could read a book, but she'd just finished a series she was really invested in and wanted to let it rest before starting a new one. She could muck about on the computer, but her internet connection had been spotty at best all day so that just sounded like an exercise in frustration. She could masturbate, but she just wasn't in the mood, pure and simple, plus afterwards she'd just go right back to being bored.

With the pencils tidied up, Marina reached for her phone. She hesitated for a moment, before taking the plunge and texting her friends to see if they wanted to hang out. Well, two out of three of them, at least. She did not have the energy to deal with Levi right now.

Marina didn't have to pace around her room for long before her phone buzzed with incoming texts. And of course, both Olivia and Daan were busy studying for exams. Well, at least she hadn't gotten her hopes up that much. With a sigh, she fell backwards onto her bed.

She didn't mind having few friends, really. It was easier this way, without having to split her attention between multiple friend groups and balance her time accordingly. Still, sometimes she couldn't help but wonder if they even considered her a friend at all, or if she was just an... acquaintance. Someone they spent time with because they may as well, she was friendly enough and didn't cause scenes, and besides, it'd be rude to just ignore her.

Maybe going public about being trans had been a mistake after all.

She'd come out when she was just 10, the catalyst for her parents' divorce. Apparently Marina's mother had been able to tolerate her husband's abuse when it was just her having to take it, but the day he lifted a hand against their child had been the final straw. Things got a lot better after that. Marina got to wear cute dresses, grow her hair out, wear makeup, and start hormone treatments once she was ready.

Even so, Marina didn't put much effort into socialising during middle school. The other kids treated her like an outsider, and the teachers like an inconvenience they were forced to accommodate, so she figured it'd be easier just to stay out of everyone's way. If they didn't want her then she didn't want them either, so to hell with them.

She'd been grateful for the fresh start high school had offered. It was a lot easier to pass as a girl to people who'd never known her as a boy, even if they did know she was trans. Which they did, or at least the girls in her class did. It's a bit difficult to hide a penis in the showers after PE, after all. She still cringed at her memories of trying to do so anyway, thanking whichever god cared to listen that she'd grown out of it. Even if the reason why was a little embarrassing on its own...

Marina let out another sigh as she sat up to reply to Daan and Olivia so they didn't assume she took offence at being declined. You get upset at a slur one time and suddenly everyone thinks you're made of glass. Another reason she'd gone back to keeping mostly to herself.

Back when she was still trying to fit in and occasionally got swept up in spontaneous girl talk, she always felt more like a guest than anything else. And Alll-mer forbid she comment on anything... female, like trying to give beauty tips or complaining about boys. They'd all go silent for a moment and look at her awkwardly, like their instincts were telling them that she wasn't allowed to talk about that stuff. That that was 'real' girl talk, and she needed to mind her own business.

"Cowards." Marina mumbled to herself as she shifted over on the bed to take her piercings out of the little case she kept on her bedside table, carefully putting them in as she checked herself out in the mirror. Her makeup was perfect as always, which it better be after how much time she'd spent on it. She smirked a little at the reflection she used to hate with such vitriol, then stood up and headed for the closet.

Fuck rotting in here. She was going for a walk.

Samarie walked languidly across the campus grounds, her back slouched and a tote bag slung across her shoulder. She kept her head down and stayed out of people's way, the last thing she wanted after a pharmacy run was attention. Not that anyone ever tried striking up a conversation with her, her vocal cords were so out of practice that speaking for more than a handful of minutes at a time made her hoarse, but you could never be too safe. If someone asked about her day, she might blurt out something embarrassing and end up having to go jump off the clock tower in the town square.

Marina wouldn't care, though. She's smart, she wouldn't judge anyone for needing medication to remain mentally stable and physically healthy. If you have a condition, there is no shame in seeking treatment for it. At least, she wrote as much in her diary, along with a detailed record of her own medicinal intake. They shared a dosage for anxiety medication, incidentally, though Marina was a lot better at remembering to take hers consistently. Samarie... well, she didn't like how drowsy she got from the pills. Bad memories.

She really needed to ask her doctor for a different prescription.

Something landed on Samarie's hand, and she looked up just in time for raindrops to start falling on her face and ruin her eyeshadow. They fell slowly at first, but soon enough she was forced to run for cover under the deluge, barely making it under the roof of a gazebo with what must have been dozens of discarded cigarette butts lazily hidden under its benches. Someone should give the groundskeeper a raise, he was clearly slacking.

Samarie leaned against one of the pillars to catch her breath, shivering in the sudden cold. The clouds had seemed fine this morning so she'd dressed accordingly, in a black dress over a sleeveless white blouse. Another downside of being too skinny for your own good, no layer of fat to insulate you in the cold months. She closed her eyes and started rubbing her forearms for some warmth, more than used to the textured sensation of her scars, only to alert at the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps.

The figure running towards the gazebo had a jacket over their collared blouse and pink skirt. A hood obscured her face, but Samarie recognised her instantly from the way she picked up her skirt to run. She should have fled. She wasn't ready. She'd never been this close to her before, not when they were both awake, but as Marina entered the gazebo, Samarie found that she couldn't move her legs.

Marina pulled her hood back and pulled her ashen pigtails free from her jacket, shaking her hair out before looking at Samarie with eyes of enchanting violet. Her three piercings glittered in her face, and that look, that damn look she gave Samarie, simultaneously curious and disaffected... It almost made her pass out on the spot. Samarie could feel her fingers twitching, somewhere, but she was barely even in her own body at the moment. Marina had walked up to her and snatched away her cognition without a word.

They kept staring at eachother for what felt like hours but couldn't have been more than a few seconds. Eventually, Marina cracked a smile that was more of a smirk, the kind of smile that Samarie imagined looming above her in her dreams like the face of the moon. She felt her heart skip a beat as her saviour parted her lips, and bestowed upon her the sound of her voice.

"Hello the-"

"I love you!"

"What?" Marina replied back in shock, the word exiting her mouth before she'd even fully processed what she had just heard. It felt like she'd just been blinded with high beams, rattling the suave and mysterious persona she'd tried going for. But could anyone blame her?! She'd been developing a crush on this girl for gods know how long, and now she just randomly says something like that? It felt like a cruel prank, but the maddened look in the taller girl's eye spoke differently...

"It's true! Marina, I've loved you for longer than I've known what love is! I-I have watched you since we were kids, I know you better than anyone!" the lanky, scarred girl began to ramble. Her tote bag slid off her shoulder and hit the wooden floor of the gazebo with a soft thud, but she didn't seem to notice. Her face kept shifting between a toothy, mildly unsettling smile and a look of sheer, heart stopping terror. "I've seen how you spend hours every morning just to get your makeup right, I know how you wake up every night just to finish the book you fell asleep to!"

"You... You've been stalking me?! I don't even know your name!" Marina said, deeply horrified at the invasion of her privacy, desperately trying to make sense of what she was hearing. The stranger cowered at her words, shying back and pulling at her hair as tears began to run down her gaunt cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Marina... I know it's wrong! I KNOW! AND I'M SORRY!" she screamed, sinking down to the floor with her back against a pillar, her voice breaking and body trembling. "I'm so sorry... You're all I have, the only thing in my miserable fucking life that's ever brought me anything but pain... You... you're the only reason I still have a life. You saved me! I wanted to tell you, I needed you to know how much you meant to me, but I'm a coward. I... You're right to hate me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Marina didn't know what to say, or even really what to feel. Three years ago, this broken, miserable person before her had been her inspiration. This girl who walked into the showers without a care in the world for what anyone thought of her myriad scars or bony frame, this girl who chose to dress like a 1920s vampire countess and had given Marina the courage to stop treating her transness like some dirty little secret... She knew that she was well within her rights to walk away. She didn't owe this self-confessed stalker anything. Logically, she should go.

But... maybe sometimes it was okay to make decisions based on emotion, instead. Worst case scenario, she could just push her over and run for the hills. Even after five years of estrogen she still had the strength to do that, at least.

"Hey..." Marina began, taking a step closer and causing the black-haired girl to flinch and stare up at her like she was expecting an axe to the neck. "What's your name?"

"S-Samarie. My name is Samarie." Samarie mumbled out, her face still frozen in what Marina could only describe as resigned fear. "Marina, I'm-"

"Shh, it's okay." Marina shushed as she crouched down so they were at eye level with eachother. "I'm not angry. Yes, you've done a very bad thing, and honestly I probably should be more upset at that... But first, I just want to know: Why do you love me?"

Samarie was quiet for a long moment, breathing heavily and making inconsistent eye contact. After a few seconds she screwed her eyes shut and swallowed the saliva in her mouth, before speaking once more. Her tone wasn't frantic or unhinged, just... sad. Defeated, almost.

"I don't like talking about it, but when I was a kid I was part of this... cult. The Ninth Circle." she began, lifting her arms and turning them so Marina could see the scars carved into her skin. Most looked consistent with self harm, but some Marina recognised as symbols of the old gods. Gro-goroth, Sylvian, even Rher... She could vaguely remember hearing something about the Ninth Circle on the news, about a girl who escaped and ended up exposing them. She connected the dots in her head, and her stomach turned at the realisation. "At first they just hurt and starved me, but as I got older..."

Samarie's words were cut off by a choked sob, and Marina's first instinct was to reach out and take her hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze, and the grateful look in Samarie's eyes nearly broke her heart.

"It's okay. You don't have to share anything you don't want to." she assured her, doing her damnedest to look as unintimidating as possible. Not that that was a common impression people got from Marina, but old habits die hard. Samarie nodded, her gaze flicking between Marina's eyes and their joined hands.

"It was the year you came out that changed things, when I saw the real you for the first time... You looked so happy, so alive, when you always seemed so miserable before! And... when I started spying on you, and I learned what'd happened with your parents... I realised escape was possible." Samarie continued, her thumb slowly gliding across Marina's hand like she was trying to memorise the texture of her skin. "...still took me five years to work up the courage, though. Like I said... coward."

"Hey, that's not cowardice. I... I can't begin to imagine what you went through, or what your mental state was like. The important thing is that you got out, okay?" Marina tried to comfort. She'd never really been good at this sort of thing, so she just said what she thought she herself might like to hear in this situation. Judging by the weak smile that appeared on Samarie's black-painted lips, it seemed to have worked.

"Thank you... But yes, that is how I grew to love you, Marina. You're my saviour. I... I know I've taken it a bit far, but I really do love you! Gods, it feels so good to finally say, and I know you don't feel the same but... I love you, Marina Domek." the goth finished, and the smile that lit up across her face almost brought Marina to tears. Samarie was just so... genuine. Clearly mentally unwell and with a history of troubling behaviour, yes, but her feelings weren't just the product of mad obsession. Samarie's love practically radiated from her eyes, an unearthly shine that contrasted beautifully against the darkness of her hair and garb.

"Hey, do you want to come back to my room and watch True Detective?" Marina suggested with a smile and another reassuring squeeze, choosing to listen to her heart. It had failed her before of course, but just as often led her to some of the best decisions she'd ever made. And yeah, maybe letting this manic pixie nightmare girl into her life would turn out to be a mistake, but that was her responsibility.

Plus, maybe Marina had a thing for strange and off-putting women. She's only human, after all.

"I..." Samarie breathed, her mouth opening and closing like a fish struggling to breathe on dry land. Her expression shifted from disbelief, to realisation, to fear, and finally to joy. "I think I would like that very much."

Marina let out a quiet laugh, then pulled Samarie into a hug.

Chapter Text

Samarie was dead. She must be. That was the only explanation for this. She must have been struck by lightning during that storm, and the last four days were just her electrified brain making up memories in the final seconds before it shut down for good. Because there was absolutely no way she was actually resting with her head in Marina's lap right now.

Yet it felt real. As did yesterday, and the day before that, and so on. Marina and Samarie hanging out to watch True Detective together, on the same bed, within arm's reach of eachother, had just become a thing. Like it was normal. Perhaps she was dreaming, perhaps the gods were finally paying her back what she was owed, but in any case Samarie finally felt... complete. Even happy.

Or at least more so than she did before. It was enough to bring her to tears, though she tried not to cry in front of Marina. Not so soon after the first time.

"Feeling good down there?" Marina mumbled, one hand lazily playing with a strand of Samarie's inky black hair. She'd made sure to shower before coming here. Combing out all the knots and tangles had been a test of patience.

"Mh..." she hummed happily, barely paying attention to whatever was happening on the laptop screen in front of them.

"Are my thighs really that comfortable?" the ashen-haired girl asked with a flirtatious lilt to her voice. Samarie could only blush and nod. The pillows she'd used to play out this moment in the past didn't even come close. "Good."

The first couple of times they'd done this, they had just awkwardly sat next to eachother, holding hands and occasionally commenting on what was going on in the show. Then the last time Samarie had dared to scooch a little closer so their shoulders touched, and now... this. Samarie wasn't about to complain about the escalation.

After a few minutes, Marina's hands traced a path along Samarie's long hair before settling on her scalp. Samarie gulped, then stifled a whimper as Marina started massaging her. First with one hand, then with two, lightly scratching with her nails.

Samarie wouldn't describe herself as touch-starved as much as she was positively touch-famished. Outside of medical procedures, nobody had touched her body in three years, and every time it hurt. Holding someone's hand was like dipping her own in a bath that was just that little bit too warm, getting hugged was like being dunked underwater. It hurt a little less each time, but being massaged by Marina like this stung like her nerves were being exposed to the open air, raw and burning.

It wasn't entirely unpleasant, of course. The euphoria of Marina finally touching her more intimately blended with the pain into a heady, disorienting mixture that made Samarie's body do all sorts of funny things. The intensity of it made it hard to think, and when one of Marina's fingers pressed into her scalp a little harder she couldn't stop herself from gasping and biting her lip.

"Oh shit, did I hurt you? Are you okay?" Marina asked in a near-panic, instantly retreating her hands and leaving a cold void in their absence.

"Y-Yes... It hurts, but..." Samarie began to say, taking deep, steadying breaths. She turned her head to look deep into Marina's eyes. "Please don't stop. I like it, just... slow down."

Marina nodded quietly, taking a moment to calm down herself before hesitantly moving her hands back. She was much gentler now, her fingers tracing languid patterns across Samarie's scalp until she found the perfect middle ground between pain and pleasure. Samarie let out a content sigh and cracked the faintest of smiles, gazing up at Marina through partially lidded eyes. The other girl's concern seemed to melt away somewhat, yet the care visible in those violet eyes almost made Samarie cry. On her loneliest nights she would have killed to have Marina look at her like that.

She still would, if it came to it.

"Oh darn, we might have to rewind..." Samarie commented when she turned her gaze back to the screen and noticed that they'd missed several minutes worth of plot during the distraction she'd caused. Marina made a ponderous noise as she reached over to start fiddling with the laptop's touchpad, before giving up and just hitting the left arrow key a few dozen times.

"You're more important, anyway." Marina replied idly, settling for an imperfect rewind before getting back to petting the goth in her lap. When Samarie didn't say anything, she continued. "I like the faces you make when you're happy. They're cute."

"I'm not cute. I look like a corpse." came the reply, blunt and inflectionless. It was just a fact. She looked like an exhumed tuberculosis victim in some old black and white horror film. Leave her in the sun for long enough and she'd bloat.

"Guess that makes me a necrophiliac, then." Marina stated just as plainly, though perhaps with a hint of playfulness to her voice. "Because I'd kiss you even if you were dead."

"Gross!" Samarie laughed, herself bouncing a little as Marina let out a chuckle. It took her a second to register what the other girl had just admitted to, and she rapidly turned her head to look up at her. "Wait, did you say kiss-"

And just like that Marina's lips were on her own. It started off as a chaste thing, just flesh pressing against flesh, and Samarie would have been happy with that. She could have died right in that instant, and be satisfied with her life. Marina on the other hand seemed eager to escalate, as if she'd underestimated just how much she would enjoy snogging a corpse once she committed to the act. The ashen-haired girl let slip a happy, greedy little squeak as she melted into the kiss, and Samarie was right behind her. Though the angle made it awkward and the skin on skin contact still ached, a warm and pleasant tingling spread through her body and pooled in her gut.

Samarie pressed her thighs together, unsurprised to find herself growing wet. She failed to stifle the whine that left her lips when Marina's parted from them.

"Ow, my neck... Hang on, s-sit up." Marina said, the flustered tone of her voice doing nothing to diminish Samarie's eagerness to follow her command, almost immediately doing as ordered. She indulged herself by sitting in Marina's lap, figuring that her bony frame wouldn't be heavy enough to cause any real discomfort. Well, aside from any accidental poking from said bones.

"Is t-t-this good?" Samarie asked happily, smiling despite how her heart was pounding like a steam engine. That heady mixture of excitement and nerves kept boiling away inside her, she thought she would pass out when Marina reached out to stroke her arms with a feather-light touch.

"This is perfect, actually. Good girl." Marina replied, a smirk spreading across her face that made the light coming through the window dance across her piercings, as she saw how Samarie blushed at her words. "I figured you might have a praise kink. Alll-mer, you're cute when you blush."

Samarie could only giggle like an idiot, a strange and disquieting noise that wouldn't sound out of place in a horror movie, probably coming from the mouth of some horrible lumbering monster lurking under the basement stairs. Immediately a wave of self-consciousness swept over Samarie as she wilted like a parched flower. Marina had just called her cute, and here she was messing it up by being her stupid self. Sometimes she wished she could just... carve away her flesh, and her voice, every part of her except her soul. Maybe then she would be beautiful.

Marina didn't let her wallow in it for long, before gently lifting her chin and running her thumb across her jawbone. Despite the slight searing sensation, Samarie found herself soothed. She dared to look Marina directly in the eye, and the confident, dominating persona she'd been trying her hand at was gone. Instead there was only sympathy. Samarie knew from reading her diary that Marina used to be insecure too, and sometimes still was, so of course she could sympathize. Of course.

"I'm sorry." Samarie said quietly, leaning into the other girl's touch. A tear began forming in her eye from the pain. "I didn't mean to slow us down."

"Don't apologise. Not for that." Marina replied, pulling her in for another kiss, one more tender than the first. "You're still my good girl, okay? Still my adorable, radiant Samarie."

And just like that, the heat in Samarie's gut and in her loins made itself known again, having barely had time to leave. She found herself feeling grateful that the particular position she was sitting in in Marina's lap didn't leave her anything to grind on, because right now she wasn't sure she could resist. Even still, a moan fled her lips when Marina began running her hands across her scarred arms, a thoughtful and heavenly touch she wished could last forever. Somewhere in the background the episode they'd been watching was rolling through its credits, forgotten.

"Even these..." Marina said as she carefully smoothed a thumb across the yonic sigil of Sylvian that had been carved into Samarie's upper arm. It must have been one of the earliest times a blade had touched her, judging by how faded the scar was. She was grateful not to remember the specifics. "I hate the thought of you having gone through all of that. It's... Sorry, you said you don't want to talk about it, so we won't. But my point is, none of these make you ugly."

"You promise?" Samarie pleaded, caring little for how pathetic she may or may not sound.

"Super promise." Marina replied with a reassuring smile, before leaning forward to kiss the scar she'd just been touching in a manner that probably wasn't meant to seem suggestive but oh fuck, the symbolism. Samarie bit her lip, her chest visibly rising and falling with heavy breaths. She felt a familiar, coiling tension building down below, but before she could warn Marina the shorter girl was kissing her again. Her hands ended up on Marina's hips, holding on for dear life.

It all became too much at that point. The passion and desire and genuine want with which Marina kissed her, the euphoria of being touched by her dream girl, the exquisite blend of pleasure and pain dancing across her skin...

Samarie gasped Marina's name and doubled over, burying her face in her beloved's shoulder. She shuddered and clenched around nothing, unsure where to put her hands as a wet stain on her skirt made it obvious what had just happened. It barely lasted more than three seconds, but that was all it took. Once reality set back in, Samarie remained frozen in place. She wished a giant chasm could just open up in the floor and swallow her whole. There was no recovering from this.

"Did you just..." she heard Marina ask, sounding... stunned, for lack of a better word. Samarie's pathetic whimpering served as answer enough, and she felt hesitant arms wrap around her to rub soothing patterns into her back. And yet, she couldn't quite bring herself to relax. "Shh, it's okay. It was an accident, it happens."

"I should have said something. Ka, I can't believe I just... did that. I'm so gross..." Samarie whined, tears starting to run down her cheeks and smudging her makeup. "I'm so sorry, Marina. I... I'd understand if you want me to go."

"Hey, I'm not blameless here either. I figured I was riling you up, I just didn't expect..." Marina tried to comfort, her voice about as level as could be expected from someone who'd just made the weirdest collection of bones and sinew on earth cum in their lap. But the fact that she cared enough to try was... Well, it was helping. A little. "Nevermind. Are you alright?"

"Yes. No. I... It feels weird. Other than d-doctors and stuff, nobody has ever t-touched me like that. Gently. Kindly. With my consent..." the sentient owl pellet began, digging her nails into her palm to distract herself from the memories of her sad reality. "And on top of all that, you're... you. I couldn't control myself."

"We don't always have say over what our bodies do, no." Marina said in a surer tone, shifting how she held Samarie so that she could wipe the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs. She didn't seem all that used to comforting people, but she was doing her best, and Samarie fell in love with her for what must be the hundredth time for it. Those pierced lips of hers curved into a reassuring smile. "I don't think any lesser of you, if that's your worry."

Marina opened her mouth to say something else, but hesitated for a moment before seemingly giving up on the idea. Samarie's brow furrowed with concern, and she shakily raised hand towards her beloved's face to cup her cheek much like how she had done for her.

"Are you alright, Marina?" Samarie asked. As much as she enjoyed being cared for, the thought of something weighing on Marina lit a spark of desperation in her, a mad need to fix the problem here and now. Whatever the cost.

"Yeah, nothing for you to worry about." Marina reassured her, giggling a little at the exploratory strokes of slender fingers against her cheek. "Hey, do you want to borrow one of my skirts? I don't know how well it will fit you, but it'd be clean."

Samarie went quiet for a moment, then nodded frantically as she suddenly became excessively aware of the slick mess that was still lingering on her clothes, her soaked panties clinging to her skin uncomfortably. Plus, the prospect of getting to bring an  article of Marina's clothing back to her room even temporarily was hardly unappealing...

Marina had made the right call. Of that much she was certain. Making sure Samarie was okay, getting her a change of clothes and escorting her back to her room (which she had been conspicuously reluctant to let Marina see the inside of) had been the right thing to prioritise.

That didn't stop her from being horny as all fuck, though. But cut her some slack, she'd just made the girl she was sweet on orgasm right there in her lap, without even trying. Anyone would find that hot. Anyone would get riled up from that. She was just glad that the way her skirt folded and creased made it easier to hide an erection. Not that that was much of a feat, even before starting HRT and with the occasional topical application of testosterone cream afterwards, she wasn't exactly large in that area.

As soon as Marina got back to her own room, she locked the door and shut the blinds before collapsing into her bed, taking a moment to scream into her pillow just to get some of her feelings out. The skin bible of Alll-mer mocked her from its perch on her bookshelf, nestled between similar tomes dedicated to other gods. Unlike Alll-mer's however, those were all hardback. She'd cheaped out on his.

Part of Marina had wanted to go further with Samarie. Maybe Samarie would have wanted that as well, if she'd suggested it. But the thought of doing something like that with someone who she had only known properly for four days... The church's teachings, her father's teachings, had echoed through her head like a rusted, distorted bell the moment the idea had even occurred to her.

Sometimes, Marina got a little angry with herself. She hated how difficult it was to move on from her father's manipulations almost as much as she hated the man himself. She hadn't heard from him in years and hadn't been to church in just as long, so why did the disgraced Father Domek and that crucified bastard even come to mind in times like this?!

Fuelled by spite, Marina pulled herself off the bed, marched over to her bookshelf and tossed that damn book in the trashcan. It wasn't the first time, and wouldn't be the last. The only reason she kept it around was because she liked having a complete collection. Still, the catharsis brought a smile to her face. Made it easier to think.

And naturally, she thought of Samarie. She thought of midnight hair and pallid skin, the way her body had shuddered as she came, and how her name had sounded coming from those black-painted lips in the throes of pleasure. Marina could feel her whole body start to buzz at the memory, and just like that her panties once again began to feel uncomfortably tight.

Slowly, one of Marina's hands traced a path down from her sternum, across her stomach, and past the hem of her skirt. She let out a quiet hum as she cupped herself, followed by a muffled squeak as she gave her bulge a little squeeze.

"Mh... Yeah, why not?" Marina chuckled to herself as she fell back on her bed and started undressing herself, not bothering to take her time. Maybe if Samarie was here she could have made a show of it. Or better yet, make the goth beg for it, on her knees, herself wearing nothing but that adorable, slightly creepy smile of hers.

Left in only her socks and underwear, Marina propped her herself up on some pillows then ran her fingers across the smooth skin of her inner thigh. Was it odd to be turned on by yourself? Perhaps some would judge it as such, but Marina thought that those people must be living very boring lives indeed. Besides, she wasn't about to complain about finding herself sexy, not when so much of her life had been spent feeling like she'd been trapped in an inescapable cocoon of gristle and flesh.

She slid a hand under her bra and gave her small breast a squeeze, rolling her fingers over her nipple before pinching it and giving it a little tug. She let out a quiet moan, then impatiently divested herself of her bra and freed her hen from the confines of her panties. Marina could recall a time when she'd hated her appendage, before estrogen had bestowed its blessings upon her skin and learning how to safely shave had rendered the whole area so much more... feminine, both visually and to the touch.

No shade against bush, of course. Marina just had a preference for smoothness when it came to her own body.

Idly, as she lazily dragged a finger along the underside vein of her gock, Marina wondered how much Samarie shaved, if at all. She closed her eyes and put her imagination to work, picturing the black-haired girl's nude body, blemishes and all. She knew Samarie didn't find herself attractive, and that was a crying shame, because to Marina she was just as beautiful as she'd told her. Her thinness was worrying of course, she could really do with a healthier diet, and if the scars Marina had assumed to be the result of self harm kept appearing then that really had to stop.

But Samarie would never stop being pretty.

Marina gripped the head of her clit with her fingertips, then slowly moved her hand down to the base. She could feel herself throbbing, the sound of Samarie's voice echoing through her mind, how she'd moaned under her touch and cried her name as she climaxed. If Marina focused hard enough, she could almost remember the sensation of Samarie shaking in her lap, their crotches barely a decimetre away from touching. A steady stream of precum started trickling from the tip of her hen, soon coating the whole thing as she started moving her hand in earnest.

A series of high, shameless moans and gasps fell from Marina's lips. If anyone was standing close enough to her door or window to hear them then that was their problem, frankly. It occurred to her that Samarie may have done so at some point, listening to her getting off while touching herself in the process. She didn't truly believe Samarie had ever gone that far, but the thought was rather appealing in the realm of fantasy...

God, Marina wanted to fuck that madwoman. Wanted to see what kind of expressions her face would contort into while Marina was railing her into the mattress, how her sweat would taste while she sucked a mark onto her milk-white neck, how her pussy would feel as it clenched and fluttered around her hen. She shuddered at the thought of pushing Samarie to her limits, giving her all the pleasure she could take, making her feel loved, appreciated and beautiful. She imagined her face as they made love, lipstick smudged and mascara running with tears of joy and overstimulation.

"S-Samarie!" Marina cried out, arching her back and feverishly stroking her precum-slick length before tumbling over the edge into orgasm, painting a watery white mess all over her own stomach. The full-body orgasm completely took her out, and she wouldn't be surprised if she came a second time while her head was in the clouds. She couldn't remember if she'd ever climaxed that strongly from just her hands before.

As the afterglow bathed her in its warm bliss, Marina noted to her amusement that she was crying, just a little. She let out a breathless chuckle and sank into the mattress. She'd get cleaned up in a bit. For now, she could afford to spend a moment here, resting in peace.

After a couple minutes she clumsily reached for her phone and texted Samarie to check up on her, and to schedule their next date. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but wonder if her favourite weirdo had been pleasuring herself as well.

Chapter Text

Some days Marina woke up and understood immediately that it was going to be a bad day. She could feel it in her bones, that annoying sense of wrongness rearing its ugly head and refusing to let her forget that she just wasn't like other girls. Some things, little things, would always be standing in the way of that. She thought she'd come to terms with all that, but apparently she still had work to do.

Luckily for her, Samarie seemed more than eager to return the favour of being comforted through her darkest days, with the way she came over almost instantly the minute Marina finally worked up the courage to text her and admit she needed a bit of TLC. The reversal of roles was quite nice, laying in bed while being gently spooned on a Thursday afternoon, listening to softly whispered words of affirmation and praise.

Marina wasn't sure if anyone had ever made her feel this comfortable before. She could think of at least one person who'd tried, but that had felt awkward and wooden. No cuddles, no real understanding, just empty words of 'hang in there' and 'it'll get better'. She'd been reluctant to open up for a while after that. Closing herself off, hiding her true feelings... None of that felt right. It reminded her too much of dear old dad and his insistence of raising a big, strong, pious man to follow in his footsteps.

"Samarie... Is it wrong to wish death on someone?" Marina asked, unprompted, interrupting the taller girl's quiet humming. They laid there in silence for a few seconds, before Samarie finally responded.

"No." she said earnestly, scooting a little closer and running a hand across Marina's arm. Her touch was feather-light, probably to limit the amount of skin to skin contact. "If someone has wronged you, I think you have a right to wish that. It isn't your fault if the wish comes true."

"I suppose so." Marina mumbled in response, lazily reaching a hand towards Samarie's, which was offered readily. She just wanted something to hold.

Maybe Samarie was right. It wasn't like just thinking about something was a crime, after all. But if Marina could kill her father, if she was put in that position... She just might. Maybe that would finally give her peace, or maybe once the catharsis had faded she'd just be struck by regret. At what, she wasn't sure. Murdering her own blood? Denying him a chance at redemption?

No. Marina didn't think she would regret it, as concerning as that thought was. She could see herself hesitating, or fearing damnation, but not regretting. Not really. Well... She would probably regret the fallout. Getting caught. Becoming a worse person. Losing Samarie.

Samarie... Subconsciously, she squeezed the pale girl's hand and brought it up to her face. She kissed Samarie's knuckles, enjoying both the feeling of smooth skin against her lips and the soft sigh she let out. It wasn't exactly a grand revelation, but it still felt odd to acknowledge: Marina was smitten with this girl. Her chest felt a little warmer in her presence, her thoughts a little more pleasant. She was in love. She wasn't sure when it had happened, when her feelings had crossed that threshold, when she'd become sure that Samarie was someone she wanted to be with...

But there was really only one thing to it.

"Hey..." Marina began, turning over so they could face eachother and instantly finding her bravado faltering when the look on Samarie's face sent butterflies storming through her stomach. Fuck, she was so adorable like this. At peace, happy, with a curious glint in her eye as she waited for Marina to finish what she was going to say.

"Yes, Marina?" Samarie replied quietly, her eyes briefly flicking down to the other girl's lips and prompting a coy giggle from her.

After a sweet, drawn out kiss Marina finally said what was on her mind.

"Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

Samarie looked a little woozy for a moment, then immediately passed out.

"I'm nervous. Is it normal to be nervous? Oh god, what if they see me being nervous and think I'm hiding something?" Samarie rambled, her hands shaking and voice quivering. At times like this she would normally be reaching for Marina's hand, but with the lunch trays they were both holding that wasn't really viable. The school's mediocre cafeteria didn't see much use as most students preferred to go off campus to get lunch from the food carts in the area, but today was a special occasion for the two of them.

"It's okay, relax. They're gonna love you." Marina tried to reassure as they came closer to the table where Daan, Olivia and Levi had already sat down. They all looked up at them curiously, their gazes lingering on the taller of the two. Samarie immediately looked uncomfortable. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

"Is this who you wanted to introduce us to?" Daan asked, pretending to be uninterested, as the pair sat down. Once the trays were set down, Marina immediately reached under the table to grasp Samarie's hand.

"Yes, actually. Everyone, this is my girlfriend. Samarie."

They all reacted differently, as expected. Daan appeared concerned, like he'd just heard Marina admit to not going to the hospital after coughing up blood for three weeks, Levi looked almost horrified and like he was about to dissociate from the situation, and only Olivia seemed at all happy about what she was hearing, reaching across the table to offer the goth a handshake.

"Hi, Samarie! I don't believe we've spoken before. I'm Olivia." the wheelchair-bound girl said with a smile, as Samarie hesitantly gave her her free hand. Marina's heart warmed a little as her lover's lips quirked upwards a touch.

"H-Hi Olivia. We haven't, no. But I've seen you around." Samarie replied shyly, retrieving her hand after a couple seconds. Her girlfriend noticed the little twitch in her eye as she did so, that sort of thing must still be a bit painful for her.

"Marina mentioned she was seeing someone, just not who. How long has this been going on for?" Daan asked in a suspicious tone, crossing his arms like a protective older brother. He'd been the same when she and Levi got together, but Marina thought he'd moved on from that whole fiasco. Sometimes Marina wondered if she was the only one who had.

"Two weeks." Marina replied, letting go of Samarie's hand to instead wrap the arm around her midriff, being mindful to limit skin to skin contact. "We made it official a few days ago."

"I fainted when she asked me..." Samarie chimed in.

A moment of silence hung over the group, but just like that Marina's priorities shifted to maintaining Samarie's comfort. Honesty was vulnerability, and she could tell just by the way her girlfriend was shifting in her seat that she was already fretting about it. Samarie was weird, yes, but Marina loved her for it. The fear that not everyone would be as receptive to her quirks was a valid one, even though it really shouldn't be.

Samarie deserved to have the whole world see how radiant she truly was.

"Two weeks? Isn't that a bit soon-" Daan began to say with a furrowed brow before Olivia interrupted him.

"Oh, hush. It's not that big a deal. And besides, when you know, you know." she said with a kind and accepting smile.

Levi, meanwhile, didn't say anything at first. He just stared at skinny girl, blank-faced, like he was examining her under a microscope. Samarie held his gaze defiantly at first, before her resolve seemed to waver.

"What's with those scars?" the boy in green asked at last, nodding towards the concerning number of horizontal slash marks along the insides and outsides of her wrists, occasionally intersecting with the sigils of the old gods carved into her skin. Marina remembered asking her why she didn't wear sleeves more often. Samarie had told her she didn't see the point.

"Oh, these? Um... They're, uh..." Samarie floundered, her eyes shifting around, her breath growing unsteady.

"They're none of your business, Levi." Marina said firmly, fixing her ex with a stony look of disapproval before turning back to the person she actually loved. "You don't have to talk about them, okay? Not unless you feel ready to."

Samarie nodded slowly, then kept quiet as she started picking at her food like she was afraid of finding a spider in it. She didn't have much of an appetite, poor girl. Marina did her best to encourage her to eat without being condescending, but in public spaces like this it would likely just make her more uncomfortable.

Marina watched her for a moment, trying not to let too much concern show on her face before turning her attention to her own food. She'd yet to look up to see the other three's reactions, and though it felt ridiculous to admit she was actually somewhat scared. Maybe she didn't strictly speaking need her friends' approval to date Samarie, it was unlikely she'd get it anyway considering the unconventional nature of their relationship, but it'd still be nice if they could all hang out together. Besides, Marina didn't want Samarie to feel like some dirty secret that needed to be hidden.

Samarie was a strange, slightly unnerving creature, but Marina would never be ashamed of her.

"So, Samarie, what's your favourite subject?" Olivia asked after a minute or so, her tone curious and conversational, obviously trying to make an effort to make the pale girl feel more welcome. Marina silently kicked herself for not thinking of that herself. But in her defence, Olivia was probably the most socially competent person at this table.

"Oh, um... Art. Art is probably the one I have the most fun with." Samarie replied, perking up just a little and even managing to make eye contact for a moment. It was encouraging to see. "I like photography, and drawing... B-But most of it is just of Marina, so I should probably branch out a little..."

Marina took a sip of her drink. She couldn't remember ever posing for Samarie to draw or photograph her, which meant that those pictures were probably acquired during the years of stalking. She couldn't lie, that did feel a little... gross. Invasive. Definitely something they should have a conversation about in private. But not exactly surprising, Marina knew this sort of thing wasn't out of the realm of possibility. She knew what she was getting into, and how much work the two of them would have to do to make this relationship work. Things that were normally deal-breakers were more like... speed bumps, in this case.

"Most goths I know tend to be into art, yeah." Daan chimed in as he speared a piece of broccoli with his fork. He cracked a faint smile as he looked between the two goths present a this very table. "That, and other goths."

"I mean, you're not exactly wrong." Marina replied with a chuckle, her girlfriend making an odd noise that could probably be interpreted as happy. "You know I can't resist that weird girl rizz."

That got a proper giggle out of Samarie. A flustered, stuttering sound like she kept trying to regain some composure only to be hit by another wave of butterflies, her pale cheeks taking on a delightful shade of pink. It was beautiful to listen to, and brought upon Marina the irresistible urge to kiss her. Of course something would interrupt as soon as she moved to do so.

"It wasn't that funny." Levi said, unamused and exasperated. "We get it, you're quirky, but do you have to be annoying about it too?"

Samarie abruptly stopped laughing and just... stared, her face scrunched up with discomfort, her chest slowly rising and falling as she breathed. It felt like an eternity passed before she spoke.

"I have to go to the bathroom."

And just like that, Samarie stood up and hurried away, her food mostly untouched.

Samarie's nails dug into her scalp as she pulled at her hair, her chest heaving with laboured breaths. It felt like she was dying, like one by one her organs were shutting down and soon she'd be sputtering her final breaths into the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

She knew she wasn't good enough for Marina, all used up and broken like chewed gum, she knew she didn't deserve her, but did they have to rub it in so much?! They were probably talking to her right now, telling her all the reasons why making Samarie of all people her girlfriend was an atrocious idea.

And Marina would listen, because they're her friends, and they had her best interests at heart. Samarie, meanwhile, was just some disgusting parasite leeching off of her good nature until inevitably torn off and thrown in the trash.

But... maybe that was okay. Becoming Marina's girlfriend, and having Marina become her girlfriend had made Samarie the happiest she'd been in her entire life. Even now, when crying her eyes out and falling apart at the seams, Samarie was still having a better day than she ever did back in that awful cult. She was still more content with her life than she ever had been when pining for Marina from afar.

So even if things between them were coming to an end sooner than expected, Samarie could still die happy. She could step off that roof knowing that for one brief, beautiful moment in time, she had known Marina's love.

Samarie doubled over on the toilet seat she was sitting on and let out a heartbroken wail.

She didn't want it to end like that! She didn't want to just die happy, she wanted to live happily. Hadn't she earned that much? After everything she'd been through, it felt like a pretty reasonable ask. The only part of Samarie's idea of a happy life that felt greedy was having Marina there with her. Perhaps she would never truly feel worthy of her, perhaps she would never forgive herself for the years of invaded privacy and creepy behaviour, but... Marina liked her. Liked Samarie enough to kiss her, to spend time with her, to make her feel safe and loved, to be with her.

But how long would this last? That wasn't up to Samarie to decide. Nothing ever was. Whether it was the will of the gods, fate, or the people around her, she was always just tossed around without any agency of her own. Why would her relationship with Marina be any different? The best she could do was to be less of a creep and hope that the most beautiful, intelligent and lovely girl in the world didn't realise she could do better. Still... at least in the here and now, Samarie could say with some degree of certainty that Marina... wanted her. Maybe even loved her.

That made her smile, for just a moment.

Still, Samarie hated feeling hopeless like this. It was all her own fault, too. She shouldn't have let Levi get to her. All it took was for him to point out her scars and call her annoying, and here she was, a pathetic, insecure mess clawing at her skin like she was hoping to draw blood. He was right, of course. Her scars made her ugly and her laugh sounded like a dying bird. But even so... a small part of her couldn't help but be offended. Angry, even. What gave this idiot the right to judge her when Marina, her girlfriend, so clearly approved of her quirks?

Levi and Marina had been together for less than a month, almost two full years ago now, during which time Marina had barely mentioned him in her diary. Samarie could remember panicking when she found out, spiralling into a pit of despair that saw her life turn to even more of a shambles than it already was. Shameful memories, and very much an overreaction in hindsight. The whole thing had been a case of severe comphet, according to Marina, and she'd broken it off with the realisation that she was a lesbian. Perhaps Levi had taken it more personally than it was.

But that little angry part of her found it difficult to sympathise. It was tempting to listen to it, to march out and scream at Levi for upsetting her so deliberately. That... would be exhausting, and Samarie already had a sore throat from crying so much. She wanted to move on, or at the very least freak out somewhere more comfortable, but most of all she just wanted to be back with Marina. That would fix her, at least for now.

Marina picked at her food listlessly. Samarie had been gone for a while now, long enough for her to start worrying. Something was clearly up, and Marina wasn't there to help. Maybe Samarie was upset with her, this whole disaster had been her suggestion after all. But in her defence, she hadn't expected Levi to be a dick for like, no reason.

"I bet she has a piss kink." the offender in question said. Marina's dour expression was quickly replaced with a scowl.

"What." she practically growled. It was unbecoming of her, to get angry. Especially in public. She knew what people said when girls like her got angry, and how if she caused a scene she'd be hearing about it for months. But if people didn't want Marina to get angry, they'd stop pushing her god damn buttons.

"I mean, you saw how she looked at you when she said she needed the bathroom. I bet she's-"

"Hey Levi, what the fuck is your problem?" Marina snapped, fixing him with a spiteful glare that buckled the short-haired boy's confidence. "Are you jealous or something? Or is picking on girls just what you're doing for fun these days?"

Levi stammered for a moment as he scrambled to defend himself, before his expression hardened with indignation. As if she was the unreasonable one here.

"Look, you said it yourself, Samarie is weird! She's wafer thin, she looks like a ghost, and she's absolutely covered in scars. That doesn't set off any red flags to you?" he argued, crossing his arms and trying to match Marina's scowl.

"So what, you're concerned about me, is that it? Well how fucking magnanimous of you!" Marina bit back, raising her voice and gripping onto the edge of the table to keep herself from throwing her lunch tray at Levi's stupid head. "I don't need your concern, I never asked for your opinion, and if you ever talk about my girlfriend like that again, I'll- I'll never speak to you again!"

Silence fell across the table. Daan and Olivia sat stunned by the kind of hesitance that only having to listen to one's friends angrily arguing with eachother could produce. After a moment the former raised a finger in the air as if to butt into the conversation, only to be smacked in the arm by the latter.

Someone cleared their throat behind Marina. A quiet, restrained sound, like whoever was making it was embarrassed to be making noise at all. Marina turned her head to see Samarie standing behind her, and immediately her anger was spliced with heartbreak when she saw how bloodshot her eyes were. Her expression softened as she stood up from her seat.

"Are you okay?" Marina asked as softly as she could while wringing Levi's neck was still on her mind. Samarie made an uncomfortable expression and shrunk in on herself, before leaning in to whisper in Marina's ear.

"I don't want to be here. Can we go?" she said, her voice small and reserved. There was only one viable answer.

"Of course. Let's go for a walk, we can afford to be late for next period." Marina replied, gently taking Samarie's hand, mindful of her sensitive skin. She gave a look to her friends and opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. She'd talk to them later, when tempers had cooled.

Their walk was a peaceful one, undisturbed by the other students. They got some odd looks of course, but only a few of them seemed in any way malicious. Marina saw no point in keeping count, but Samarie seemed to grow anxious under the scrutiny, so their walk ended up taking them out onto the campus grounds. The relative privacy was welcome.

"Should I have stood up for myself?" Samarie asked after a little while, her head hung low. "The way he asked about my scars, that look he gave me..."

"You don't owe people a response when they're being assholes like that." Marina replied, bitterness swelling at the memory.

"But... W-When I didn't defend myself,  you had to. I'm grateful that you did, but i-it's not fair to put that burden on you..."

Marina looked at Samarie with disbelief, and then profound sadness and empathy. Every time she was reminded of how lowly her girlfriend thought of herself, it was like a rusted dagger to the heart.

"Burden? No, no, no Samarie... That's not how it works. Standing up for you, being there for you, having your back, that will never be a burden. Understand me?" Marina asserted, stopping to take Samarie's hands in her own and look up into her eyes.

"I... I... I..." Samarie began to stammer, her expression shifting between too many emotions to keep track of, before she suddenly surged forward to hug Marina. Hard, like she was trying to test the limits of her noodly arms. "Why? W-Why me, why are you being so g-g-good to me?"

"Because I love you, you dork!" Marina replied, reciprocating the hug and making Samarie squeak like a baby bird. She realised what she was saying a second after it left her mouth, and a second later that she was telling the truth. She loved this girl. "My Samarie... My good girl. My beautiful, weird, cute, radiant, perfect creature."

Samarie let out a shuddering sigh, and buried her face in Marina's neck, breathing heavily. Marina raised an eyebrow.

"Are you okay, sweetie? Does it hurt?" she asked quietly.

"Y-Yes... B-But not in a bad way..." came the reply.

"Then... what way would that be?" Marina said, confused.

"A... tingly way. You know, the um... exciting way?" Samarie said, shifting her legs around like she was rubbing her thighs together, and Marina's eyes went wide with realisation. "I'm s-sorry, I know it's strange, but combined with your n-nice words, I got a little-"

"Would you like to take care of it? T-Together?" Marina asked suddenly, her mouth dry, surprising even herself with what she was suggesting. She tried to pull on whatever latent top energy she may have, but couldn't quite hide her nerves. "We could skip the rest of today, and uh... go back to my room. Just you and me."

They pulled apart a bit, just enough to make eye contact. Once again Marina felt the need to kiss her girlfriend, but she needed to hear her response first. At first Samarie looked overjoyed and excited, but whatever she was about to say got caught in her throat as something far darker came over her already quite grim features. Trepidation, and something that could only be described as horror.

"I... I can't. I want to! But n-not today, I... Ka, I'm so sorry, it's just..." Samarie began, getting increasingly panicked with each passing second and aborted sentence. Marina reached up to cup her cheek and began to gently pet her.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to explain. I know my offer was very sudden, and if you don't feel ready, I won't hold it against you." Marina said, her voice calm and even as she stretched a little to put her forehead against Samarie's. "You don't owe me sex, and you never will. For any reason."

They stayed like that for a couple minutes, as Samarie took deep breaths and steadily calmed down. She tried to speak a few times, but chose to focus on relaxing instead until her mental state stabilised.

"Thank you. T-Thank you... One day, I p-promise." she whispered. "For now... can we keep walking for a bit?"

And so they did.

Chapter Text

Samarie laced up the front of her dress and adjusted her knee socks a little before stepping out from behind the privacy screen, retrieving her purse from the coat hook she'd hung it on. Dr. Jaková was working on something on her computer, so she cleared her throat to politely get the gynaecologist's attention.

"So... H-Have you gotten the test results back? F-From last time, I mean." she asked nervously, rubbing her marked forearm and wincing a little when she grazed the fresh bandage there. She'd relapsed last night, the first time since she begun seeing Marina. My, what a disappointment she was.

"All clear, just like the time before that. And if your sexual history has remained consistent, as you say it has, then I'm willing to bet the next batch of results will tell us the same thing." the doctor replied gently, turning her chair around. There was no trace of exasperation or judgement in her voice. Perfectly professional, as always.

The attempt to put her at ease was ineffective. Samarie scrunched up her face and stared at the floor, trembling a little under the clinical atmosphere of the office. It was hard not to feel like she was being picked apart under a microscope, her every word and action scrutinised. She'd gone through that enough during the trial, struggling to be believed and granted some form of justice, even while the evidence of what she'd gone through was literally all over her.

Perhaps they just didn't want to believe anyone could do all that to a child. But that felt like an overly charitable interpretation.

"A-Are you s-sure? That... I don't... I feel sick..." Samarie whimpered, resisting the impulse to dig her nails into her skin.

"Samarie, would you like to sit down?" she heard Dr. Jaková say, to which she could only weakly nod. The doctor pulled out a chair next to her desk, and Samarie sat down with trembling legs. "I need you to listen to me, okay? You have tested negative for every sexually transmitted disease we've tested for, and aside from some minor internal scar tissue, your vagina remains healthy. So, unless you suspect that you have been assaulted again without your knowledge..."

"I-I don't. I'd tell you if I d-did."

"...then there is no medical reason to be alarmed." the good doctor finished. Samarie looked up to meet her gaze, seeing what could only be described as courteous sympathy. The kind of look one developed to tell people their plights did not go unheard, while maintaining the emotional disconnect needed to treat them properly. "You come in here once a month, every month, and every time I tell you the same thing and give you the same advice."

Samarie shook her head and looked away. She'd heard of phantom pain, of how body parts that were no longer there still ached and itched as if they still were. What she experienced felt more like... ghost pain. Like she was being physically haunted by every violation she'd suffered in the Ninth Circle. Blades still carving into her skin, the stench of gore still in her nose, crushed sleeping pills bitter and acrid on her tongue...

"Everything they did to me... It's still in there. Rotting away, f-festering like an open grave..." she said, holding her stomach, and the womb where once something had grown then nearly killed her with its demise. "If I'm not careful, I'll end up spreading it to the girl I love... I c-can't do that to her, I can't let her become s-sick too, so I have to be sure. I have to keep testing, and examining, and... everything."

Dr. Jaková nodded slowly as she took in Samarie's words, saying nothing at first. Perhaps she needed the time to process, or didn't want to jump to conclusions. In either case, the silence was agonising to listen to. Samarie didn't expect validation, but being called crazy would almost be preferable to being left to speculate.

"I think it's quite admirable to be concerned not just for your own health, but your partner's as well. I'm glad you care this much, Samarie. Honestly, I wish more of my patients would get regular check-ups." Dr. Jaková said at last, much to Samarie's surprise. She looked up to see warmth in her expression. "But, I worry that perhaps you're being a bit, well, paranoid? I've checked everything I can, and it all seems fine. I hope you know that I wouldn't lie to you about that."

A pause. Samarie moved her mouth without saying anything, even in her current state she couldn't think of anything to refute the good doctor. In fact, Dr. Jaková was perhaps the only doctor at this entire clinic she trusted, the only one who hadn't shied away from her... complicated medical history.

At a loss for words, Samarie just nodded.

"Good. Now, my advice to you this time is this: Relax. Take some time to work yourself out of this paranoia. And know that if something comes up that you need an urgent check-up for, my door is always open."

"T-Thank you, doctor..." Samarie mumbled. Relaxing was easier said than done, it felt like she spent most of her days wound tight as a spring, and there was only so much time she could spend on drawing or visiting Marina to alleviate that fact. Especially in the latter case, she didn't want to get too clingy. That reminded her of something, however. "Um, c-could you check in the system if I have any p-pickups of birth control left?"

Dr. Jaková nodded, and spun her chair back around to start tapping away at her keyboard.

Samarie hesitantly reached her hand up to knock on the door she'd lurked outside so many times before, steeling herself before rapping her bony knuckles on the wood. She'd agonised over how to dress for this, having to balance her desire to look good for Marina with her need to cover up the fresh wound on her wrist. In the end she'd decided to lean into the former, hoping against hope that the mood killer that was her relapse into self harm wouldn't completely ruin the evening.

They hadn't seen eachother in two days, but Samarie really wanted this date to be a good one.

Samarie had dressed in a elegant black skirt with a red trim over some cheap black nylons, and a half-sleeved black crop top with an Imperfect Circle on the front. She had as little devotion for the new gods as she did for the old, but the same went for most people who wore their associated symbols around. The significance of these icons had faded along with the relevance of the gods, so that now only the religious and the mad saw them as anything more than 'cool occult accessories'.

After a few seconds the door opened and Samarie got to lay eyes on Marina who, as it turns out, had also decided to dress up for the occasion. A cute, comfy looking pink sweater that sat nicely on her figure, and a slightly shorter than normal wavy skirt that made her thighs very difficult to ignore. The colours were all muted, almost like a washed out pastel goth kind of style. Her curly grey hair hung loose from its usual pigtails, and her makeup was as perfect as always. Samarie had always admired Marina's beauty, and right now she was stunned by it. Mouth agape, eyes wide, a little bit of drool at the corner of her lips.

"Hello? Planning on joining us here on earth, miss head in the clouds?" Marina said with a playful giggle, standing on her toes to rouse Samarie from her stupor with a kiss.

"Ka... Sorry. Y-You're just so beautiful, Marina." Samarie replied, dreamily. Were she bolder she would reach out to touch her beloved. Cup her cheek, run a hand down her arm, tenderly massage her breasts like nobody had before. She noted quite joyfully that Marina's boobs were already bigger than her own, and were still growing. They were already gorgeous, worthy of the girl they were attached to. Samarie could stare at them for hours... if Marina clearing her throat hadn't made her aware that they were both still standing in the doorway. "Ah! S-Sorry, again."

Marina chuckled and pulled the lanky bundle of twigs into her room and shut the door. It was always so tidy, in here. An incense burner on her desk filled the room with a sweet, flowery scent while Marina's laptop rested on a chair next to the bed, a stack of books putting it at eye level for anyone sitting on said bed. With the limited space available in these single occupant dorm rooms, they had to make do as best they could.

"So... I didn't want to address it out there, but... I saw the bandage. Are you okay?" Marina asked after a few seconds, planting her butt on the mattress and patting the spot next to her. Samarie felt relieved to see understanding in her eyes as she slowly took a seat.

"I think I'm okay, right now... But I'm probably not. Okay people don't c-cut themselves..." Samarie replied sheepishly, finding it hard to maintain eye contact. "I just had a rough night a couple days ago, and I d-didn't want to wake you up with a phone call, so things... escalated."

"Hey, you don't ever have to worry about waking me up for something like that, okay?" the grey-haired girl said after a few seconds, her brow furrowed with concern. She laid a hand on Samarie's shoulder and gently squeezed it. "I'd be a pretty shitty girlfriend if I didn't help you during rough nights..."

"I'll keep that in mind, Marina. Thank you. B-B-But the words 'shitty girlfriend' don't even b-belong on your tongue!" the scarred girl insisted, opting not to tack on 'unless you're talking about me' at the end of that sentence. "Every moment I've gotten to spend with you has been divine. You have never treated me poorly or made me feel bad. I... I'm sorry for not calling you that night. I should have trusted that you wouldn't be mad."

"Believe me, I understand. You don't have to apologise." Marina said, opening her arms in a silent offer of cuddles that Samarie was all too eager to accept. The movie could stand to wait a few more minutes. They had all night.

Marina liked how relaxed Samarie got when in her arms. With how vulnerable she was and how much shit she had to deal with on a daily basis, being this pale creature's safe haven felt like an honour. Despite her own scrawniness, having a body built more for libraries than football fields, Marina still sometimes worried that her so-called 'biological advantages' would make it easy to hurt cis girls by accident. She blamed the tabloids for drumming that into her head, just because she could recognise when she was being fed propaganda it didn't mean she was immune to it.

She placed an unprompted kiss at the top of Samarie's head, causing her to squirm happily and press herself further into the embrace. The taller girl was laying halfway on her side, her upper body propped up by Marina's arms so that they were roughly at the same eye level, a necessity brought on by how the laptop was set up that'd turned into a cuddling session. The movie they were watching had been advertised as a horror flick, but in truth was more just kind of... bizarre. Like a David Lynch project where nobody's heart was in it.

"They really blew the budget on those first few minutes, huh..." Marina mumbled, gently running her fingers across Samarie's stomach the way she knew her girlfriend liked it. She traced a circle around a faded symbol of Gro-goroth.

"Yeah, it's hard to stay immersed when everything looks like plastic." Samarie chimed in, almost sounding half asleep before her whole body twitched. Marina looked to the screen to see if anything there had caught her attention, but it was still just the same repetitive dialogue scene that had been going on for four minutes now. So instead she looked down, a bit of sweat appearing on her forehead when she realised what had happened.

One of her fingertips had slipped under the waistband of Samarie's skirt.

"Oh shit, I didn't mean-" Marina blurted out, her cheeks going pink as she pulled her hand away only for it to be caught by Samarie's.

"It's okay. Y-You don't have to stop. I... I really, really like it when you t-touch me..." Samarie almost whispered, sounding so sweet and vulnerable. She released Marina's hand, and after a few seconds Marina returned it to her stomach.

There was no need to be nervous. They were just touching. An innocent act in anyone's eyes. Nevermind the fact that the first time they'd tried some light petting, Samarie had orgasmed right there in Marina's lap.

She could remember that incident vividly, the sight of her precious Samarie shivering in pleasure burned into her mind, the sound of her moaning Marina's name echoing through dreams and waking hours alike. Fuck, Samarie had such a beautiful voice, as unusual as the rest of her.

Swallowing the gathered saliva in her mouth, Marina focused back on the present moment, rubbing languid circles around Samarie's abdomen while nuzzling her silky black hair. She smelled faintly of sweat and wildflowers, like she'd been frolicking outdoors.

"You smell nice." Marina murmured, tracing her pinky along a raised horizontal line on Samarie's stomach.

"I h-haven't showered since this morning..." Samarie countered, self-consciously. "I'm probably all grody and stuff."

"I don't mind a touch of musk, you know."

Her boldness was rewarded by Samarie making a noise somewhere between a yip and a nervous giggle, which in turn drew a chuckle from the smaller goth. She leaned in to lay a kiss at the crook of her jaw, while her hand slowly slipped under the hem of her top, centimetre by centimetre.

"Is this okay?" Marina asked, a little nervous, but with her confidence steadily building as Samarie reacted to her every move. She could feel her warming up under her fingers.

"Y-Yes, Marina. I trust you. I love you..." Samarie replied quietly, her breath heavy with anticipation.

She watched Samarie carefully as her hand travelled slowly travelled upwards at an agonisingly slow pace. Deliberately so, too. Samarie was so very fun to tease, her cute little noises and trembling breaths were well worth the delay. Her fingers glided over old scars and exposed ribs, before they touched something unexpected. Or rather, didn't touch. Marina's breath hitched.

"You... you're not wearing a bra." she said over her suddenly thundering heartbeat, her face turning a shade of red.

"I didn't see a need for one." Samarie replied, a strange sort of smile coming over her gaunt features when she saw the effect she was having on Marina. It was good to know the feeling was mutual, at least. They locked eyes, and after a steadying breath, Marina held Samarie's gaze as her hand moved up to gently squeeze her girlfriend's breast.

There wasn't much there, but Marina didn't care. It was still soft and silky smooth, the few tiny scars there only adding to the experience. Fuck, it was embarrassing how much Marina liked feeling up Samarie's chest, true to the stereotype of a horny, hormonal teenager. The church would have called it sinful, her father would have called it whoreish. Shame on her, for daring to enjoy mortal flesh like some rabbit-masked streetwalker.

Samarie was the one who brought her back to the present, making those horrid teachings impossible to focus on when a high-pitched moan fell from her pitch-black lips. She writhed in Marina's lap, pushing her chest into her palm like she was trying to encourage her to keep going. Marina couldn't resist rolling her thumb over Samarie's nipple, then pinching it.

"Ah! F-Fuck..." Samarie gasped, one of her hands coming up to hold onto Marina's shoulder for stability, her breath trembling.

"You're so sensitive. Does that feel good, babe?" the shorter girl asked, mostly to check in but also to give herself a moment to process the situation.

"Yes! P-Please don't stop, Marina, please keep touching me..." the lankier of the two said in a near-whine, squirming and rubbing her thighs together. An unbidden smirk spread across Marina's face.

"Aw, are you close already? That's my good girl."

Such audacity surprised even Marina herself, but in her defence it wasn't like anyone had prepared her for the sudden realisation that she really, really liked being a top. It was a strange, giddy feeling that sent her blood southwards, any nerves she might have about assuming the position undercut by just how eagerly Samarie moaned for her. Just from her words and a few raunchy touches.

"Y-Yes, Marina. Y-You make me f-feel so good." Samarie replied after a second, a reverent look in her eye as she bit her lip, taking note of Marina's reactions just as attentively as Marina did hers. Without being prompted, she began to fumble with her top and tights, seemingly indecisive over what to take off first. With a chuckle, Marina reluctantly pulled her hand away to help her.

Seeing Samarie naked technically wasn't anything new, she'd stolen a few glances in the locker rooms, but this was completely different. Marina licked her lips as she stared, self-indulgently taking in every centimetre of Samarie's body, from her stiff pink nipples to the wild bush of coarse black hair between her legs, before sweeping her gaze back up across pallid white skin to fix on a face that conveyed a mixture of mad excitement and self-flagellating worry.

"You're... You're beautiful. Come here." Marina said at last, opening her arms to beckon Samarie into her lap.

Their kiss was clumsy and intimate, all tongue and teeth and heavy breaths. The scent of arousal was unmistakable, and Marina could feel how Samarie's juices ran down her scarred thighs to stain the skirt below. After what felt like hours of making out, Samarie pulled away from Marina's lips to lick and kiss her steel piercings, a move she'd probably been looking forward to for a long time. Marina in turn ran her hands across Samarie's body almost as if guided by instinct, lingering only briefly at her thighs and flanks before putting on hand on her breast and the other against her pussy.

"Jesus, you're so fucking wet..." Marina whispered with amazement. It was intoxicating to be holding the evidence of just how much Samarie wanted her.

"F-For you, always for you..." Samarie replied with a quiet gasp, rocking her hips against Marina's palm in search of friction. "P-Please Marina, I'm so fucking close, please just-"

Impulsively, Marina brought her hand forward and pressed her thumb against where she estimated Samarie's clit to be. Judging by how Samarie twitched and moan, she'd hit the spot. Marina had only intended to test the waters, drawing languid circles with her thumb while experimentally slipping one fingertip into her girlfriend's entrance, but she was so wet that before she knew it, Marina was knuckle deep inside her beloved creature. It didn't take long to figure out why people enjoyed doing this, the unique sensory experience of getting to touch Samarie so intimately was... heady, to say the least.

She could tell just by how the taller girl writhed that she hadn't been kidding about being close, and perhaps it was a little evil of her, but Marina wanted to make this last. She wanted to listen to Samarie's pretty, lewd noises, and watch as her face contorted into weird, manic expressions as she rode the waves of pleasure. She looked so free, like this. No longer holding back, perhaps incapable of it, as Marina slowly moved her finger in and out while searching for that special spot she recalled from her anatomy textbooks.

"P-Please, faster! A-A-Almost t-there!" Samarie begged, and gosh did she sound pretty doing that, too.

"I've got you." Marina replied, honouring Samarie's request despite her wrist getting tired. "You're so good for me, you know that? My good girl. My perfect, gorgeous, radiant Samarie..."

Samarie came with a yelp, biting her bottom lip and shuddering all over while clinging to Marina as tightly as she could, who kept her hand in place so it'd be easier to buck against it. When she finally got back to reality, she didn't say anything at first. She just kissed her girlfriend, slowly and lovingly while looking at her like she was an angel from above. She let out a breathy, quiet noise as Marina pulled out her finger.

"T-Thank you. Thank you, Marina. I... That felt so good. W-Would you like to, um... keep going? I want to make you feel g-good too..." Samarie said, trailing off shyly as if she wasn't naked and dripping in Marina's lap. Marina could only chuckle, and kiss her again.

"I do. I'd like that, but... Well, you know I'm..." she began, herself trailing off as her confidence wavered in the face of having to discuss things that most other lesbian couples didn't. For as much as she wanted to continue, she did have boundaries to take into consideration first, and she didn't think it'd be very sexy if she got all dysphoric and uncomfortable in the middle of things.

"How would you like to do it?" Samarie gently interrupted, as if she'd seen this coming. "Are there any terms for... you know, t-things, that you prefer? Is there any way you'd like to be touched, or... a-absolutely not touched?"

Wow. She'd done her research. Not entirely surprising, everything considered, but it was still good to have one more affirmation that Samarie cared for more than just her body.

"Well... I'm comfortable with most things, in terms of using my body. I'll tell you if something crosses a line. As for what to call my... 'thing', no masc terms. I know 'hen', 'gock' and whatever can sound a little dumb, but that's what I like." Marina explained, not seeing much point in elaborating on her answers.

"Got it." the more naked of the two replied, smiling and taking a moment just to rub her face against Marina's. "Would you... like me to suck you off?"

Marina couldn't help but laugh a little at the sudden change of tone, petting her strange girlfriend's messy hair with her clean hand. It was nice, being casual like this. A lot less formal and teeth-pulling than she'd expected her first time to go, but then again she'd never expected to date someone who got her quite like Samarie did.

"Alright, since you're such a charmer." she said with a smirk which was, to her surprise, returned by Samarie.

Her girlfriend kissed her slowly as she hooked her thumbs into the hem of her skirt and gently eased it down her legs. Her clit already strained against her panties. Being this hard for this long actually hurt a little, a mild ache that nonetheless demanded her full attention once given a sliver of it. Marina found herself yearning to be touched, and she began peeling off her sweater to encourage Samarie to hurry up.

"Eager?" the taller girl asked with what seemed to be genuine curiosity, before her eyes flicked downwards and went wide. Her mouth fell open a little bit, and... was that drool?

"Yes, very, but could you please hurry up?" Marina asked, throwing her sweater aside and wiggling her hips a little. "I promise you'll have plenty of time to stare at it in the future, you horny cryptid."

Samarie blinked a couple times, then nodded vigorously before sliding off the bed and kneeling at its edge, right between Marina's thighs. A shaky hand reached out to run a finger through the gathered wetness on her panties, reverently. One of the more unexpected, but certainly welcome changes to come from HRT had been how Marina got aroused these days. She still got hard, but more to the point she got wet, leaking a thin film of precum that in its own peculiar way felt... euphoric.

Like she wasn't that different from other girls after all.

A moment passed, perhaps for Samarie to adjust, before she impatiently freed Marina's erect womanhood from her panties and dove in to lick along the underside of it, stopping at the frenulum to lave it with slow, deliberate flicks of the tongue.

Marina wasn't especially vocal when she pleasured herself, but couldn't help but let out a few intoxicated moans as Samarie worked her over with her tongue, searching for all her most sensitive spots. Yet somehow, it was the gothier of the two who was the loudest, the vibrations of her moans reaching all the way up into Marina's stomach.

"T-That's it, that's my good girl... Your lipstick looks so fucking sexy on my clit." Marina hummed approvingly, reaching down to put one hand on the back of her girlfriend's head. Not pushing or pulling, just resting there.

If Samarie had a tail, it'd surely be wagging. She truly did look overjoyed to be pleasuring her lover, occasionally pausing her ministrations to draw in lungfuls of air through her nose or to audibly savour the taste of her. It was weird as all hell, but in that charming way Marina liked so much. It was like dating a haunted doll, sometimes.

They both gasped when Samarie took Marina in her mouth, not even needing to involve her throat to fit the whole thing in there. A shame, really. She was curious how it would feel to fuck her like that, to reach deep enough to feel her swallow around her gock. As it was this certainly felt good, but still it was... missing something.

"Hm... I think it was better when you used your tongue." Marina commented through the fog of lust.

"Mh-hm..." came the reply as Samarie pulled off of her hen, her slender fingers gripping the base of it just so she wouldn't go entirely without stimulation. "Okay. S-Sorry, Marina."

"Don't apologise. We're learning." the gray-haired girl said with a smile, gently petting Samarie's cheek. The skinny girl leaned into the touch. "It's our first time, some... speed bumps are to be expected."

"First time? Our first time..." Samarie said suddenly, her eyes going wide. Immediately Marina started berating herself internally, fearing the worst. She shouldn't have brought that up, she knew how terrible Samarie's first exposure to sex had been, how could she be so- "Our first time."

In what appeared to be a sudden burst of resolve, Samarie immediately locked her lips around the tip of Marina's clit and began sucking on it, while flicking her tongue against the sensitive frenulum. It was almost too much, too soon, and Marina was still trying to process exactly what had inspired such vigour in her girlfriend. But Samarie seemed to be enjoying herself, judging by the downright sinful moan she let out when Marina twitched in her mouth, so she could afford to shunt that particular concern to the bottom of her priority list.

What occupied her mind instead was the fact that her body was rapidly starting to feel like butter being rendered down on a hot skillet.

"Oh... Oh gods... Samarie, you're-" Marina moaned, the words getting stuck in her throat as Samarie began to drag her lips up and down her length while still working her tongue across the underside and tip of it.

She had no time to give a warning before she came.

Samarie felt Marina twitch in her mouth, and came for the second time since her knees had hit the floor. Her mind swam in a delirious haze as she eagerly drank the thin, filmy release that flooded her mouth. Her imagination had not done justice to the taste, made all the more intoxicating with the knowledge of who it came from. Greedily she kept going, sucking every last drop out of Marina until she heard her blearily ask for a break. She pulled away with some reluctance, too out of breath to apologise, and looked up to behold one of the most beautiful sights her eyes had ever seen.

Marina, naked save for her bra, grey hair a mess, covered in sweat and still dribbling cum from her softening gock, an exhausted smile playing across her lips when their eyes met. Samarie could have cried. She might yet. On shaky legs she rose and fell into Marina's lap, bringing them both down on the bed in a tender, bony embrace. She silently hoped she wasn't too pointy as they shared a kiss.

"That was incredible." the angel mumbled after a few seconds, somehow able to relax in Samarie's skeletal arms. "You were really looking forward to that, weren't you?"

"I-I was! I've been preparing for y-years, I read guides, I e-even went online and asked people! B-But I wasn't sure what you specifically liked, so I kinda experimented..." the starved thing rambled excitedly, lighting up at the praise and blushing furiously. "I-I-I'm so glad you liked it!"

Marina chuckled at her antics and kissed her on the tip of her beak-like nose, prompting a noise of surprise before Samarie joined in, well aware of how strange and distorted her own chuckling sounded compared to her lover's. There were no words to describe how much she loved Marina, and by all the gods had she tried. Hundreds of unsent letters and burned poems all fell short. The best she could hope for was to show it, instead. Show Marina just how deep her devotion ran.

There was truly nothing Samarie wouldn't do for her. Without reward, if necessary. Even if having her efforts acknowledged did make her feel good inside, appreciated, as if she had a purpose in this cruel world other than as a target of its cruelty...

"You're in your own head again." Marina assessed correctly, tucking a few strands of sweaty black hair behind her ear. "Anything you'd like to share?"

It took a few seconds for Samarie to reply, as she quietly weighed over what to say while burying her face in Marina's neck. She considered dismissing the matter altogether, but that'd just be kicking the can down the road. Marina would want to know eventually.

"I... want things." she began, shuffling her scrawny form a little closer to her girlfriend.  "Good things. To happen. To me."

"What kind of good things?"

Samarie went quiet again. She hadn't actually thought that far, yet. And once she did, there were too many ideas to count. She'd been denied even the most basic of joys for so long, but now she was finally at a point in her life where getting to experience them was more than just a pipe dream. Realising she was taking too long, she blurted out the first thing to come to mind.

"M-More nights like this!" she said a bit too eagerly, before dialling it down a little. "I-I mean... time spent with you. Having, you know... sex. D-Doing a-anything with you is obviously amazing! ...but still."

Marina hummed, a coquettish smirk appearing on her lips as she smoothed a thumb across Samarie's cheekbone, momentarily scrambling her thoughts again.

"I think I'd like that, too. I... wasn't sure how much I'd like it, but you make me feel comfortable, so..."

Samarie dearly wished she could read her girlfriend's mind, or at the very least that the reverse was true. That way she could tell her exactly how she felt right now, without having to go through the struggle of putting it into words. Because Marina didn't just make her comfortable, she made her feel safe. Not afraid, not violated, just... safe. There were times when Samarie looked back on what had been done to her and chastised herself for still feeling lust after all that. Surely there must be something deeply, deeply wrong for her to be this perverted, this eager to bare her body after having been assaulted like that.

But she didn't really think that. It was just the shame speaking. Samarie didn't want her life to be ruled by what others had done to her, didn't want it to be a factor in how she chose to experience intimacy. And even if she did take it into account, well, who the hell could blame her for wanting sex without violence for once?

Well... more than once, ideally.

"You really think I'm good enough, don't you?" Samarie asked after a little while. Somewhere outside their little cuddle bubble she could hear the movie they'd been watching roll its end credits.

"Of course. You've always been good enough." Marina replied simply. As if it was obvious. She was good at making that sort of thing sound believable.

"I-If you say so... But do I really not bother you? P-Physically, I mean. You s-said my scars w-weren't a problem, but you can see all of them now..."

Marina pulled her head away, brushing some sweaty hair out of Samarie's face so they could make eye contact. A beat of silence passed between them.

"These scars?" the grey-haired girl asked, running her thumb across a pair of horizontal lines on Samarie's left boob. Self-inflicted, if she remembered correctly. Trauma had a knack for muddling one's memory. "If you don't want us acknowledging them, that's fine... but they're part of you. And I love all of you. Understand?"

Even when being perceived with appreciation instead of cold, clinical scrutiny, it was hard for Samarie to relax completely when Marina's eyes sweeped across her husk of a body.

All her faults on full display. A road map of rape and ritual. Could Samarie even be said to be a person anymore?

"Y-You don't have to lie to make me feel better. I... believe that you love me, somehow, but... how could you love a body so ruined?"

Marina furrowed her brow, something unintelligible flashing in her eye before she leaned in to drag her tongue along one of Samarie's scars. And another. And another without pause. Even the tri-circular mark of Rher carved just below her left breast got attention.

"M-Marina... What are you doing?" Samarie gasped, eyes going wide and breath more irregular. She raised her hands, unsure what to do with them or even what was happening.

"Showing over telling. I don't want to hear any more bullshit about my girlfriend being ugly, okay? You're beautiful, and I want to hear you admit it." Marina said with a stern, almost dominating tone that made Samarie's breath hitch and pussy slicken. She tried to formulate a response, but the words came out as a garbled, flustered mess.

Marina smirked, then pushed her to her back, spread her legs, and teased at her wet cunt before running her tongue across the horizontal lines on her left thigh instead. Each and every scar, whether cut by Samarie's own hand or inflicted upon her in the Ninth Circle, was given that same loving attention. She found herself wishing that the memory of this moment would replace the fragmented recollections of her trauma. Her scars weren't going anywhere, and she would much prefer thinking of them like this. Being worshipped and blessed by her lover in equal measure.

"Does this feel good, babygirl?" Marina softly whispered inbetween licks. "Let me hear you."

"I- Oh- F-Fuck, yes!" Samarie whined, grabbing a fistful of the sheets when Marina slid down to her inner thigh to begin tracing the gnarled, winding symbol of Vinushka there. She felt high, simultaneously detached from reality and anchored to it with each flick of Marina's tongue against her skin. She could feel the tension winding tighter and tighter in her stomach, and knew that it wouldn't take much more of this to get her off. But she held back, an uphill struggle that grew more and more arduous as her girlfriend continued. Finally, she could take no more.

"Marina, please fuck me!" she shouted, needy and desperate. "Please please please fuck me, I n-need you right now, please Marina I can't t-take it anymore!"

Marina didn't waste any time getting herself into position, one hand on Samarie's hip and the other lining herself up with her entrance. Samarie's breath caught in her lungs, her nervous system alight with anticipation, before she was blessedly filled.

This was it. The moment she'd been craving for years. Time slowed down as Marina hilted herself with ease, like they'd been made for eachother. A perfect fit.

"I love you so fucking much." Samarie said, reaching out to pull Marina as close as possible, nearly clawing apart her bra for the crime of putting a layer between them. She clutched her tight, inadvertently moaning into her ear as she felt the throb of her heartbeat.

"I love you too, Sammy." Marina breathed, kissing her deeply and letting her hands roam freely across the broken body she apparently loved so much.

Their lips stayed connected as Marina began to move, and soon they were swallowing eachother's moans. This was heaven. It must be. What else could possibly be better? ...okay, maybe it was a bit early to make that call when they were only doing missionary, but Samarie truly wanted for nothing in this moment. For once in her life, there were no bad thoughts plaguing her mind. Only bliss.

"You're so g-good to me!" Samarie cried, her tears now falling in earnest, her loud moans intermixed with sobs. Marina looked at her with a mixture of confusion and lust, black staining her lips. "I love you, love how you feel inside me... Your hen, it's-"

"You don't have to lie about its size or any-"

"IT'S PERFECT!" she interrupted, hooking her legs around Marina's back and relishing in the heady gasp she let out upon being pushed deeper. "It's so fucking perfect, it feels so good, oh Marina you fuck me so... so... divinely!"

Marina let out a grunt as something new flashed across her violet eyes, something that seemed to surprise even her. She leaned forward to put her full weight on Samarie, fucking her into the mattress with a renewed intensity. Her expression became hard to read, like she wasn't sure what to feel, before her lips curved into a smile and she cupped Samarie's cheek with her hand.

"Are you close?" Marina breathed, sounding ragged and wound up herself.

"Y-Y-Yes... You can finish inside, I'm on the p-pill. God, please finish inside..."

Their combined moans grew higher and higher before reaching a crescendo. Somewhere in the haze, Samarie heard Marina let out an uncharacteristic squeak, but all her senses were focused on the sensation of having her lover empty herself in her welcoming cunt. She felt herself squeeze and flutter around Marina as she too went over the edge, holding her angel even closer as she rode it out, until she was sure they would fuse into one. What a pretty marriage it'd be.

The afterglow swept over them both like a wave, Marina burying her face in Samarie's neck while she herself had her legs go slack. She still kept her arms wrapped around Marina however, as the last of her tears rolled down her cheeks. If she had her way, they'd remain like this for hours. Forever, even. But eventually, she felt her girlfriend stir.

"That was... Um..." Marina began, before interrupting herself with a breathy chuckle. "Fuck it, I'm too tired for words. It was good, though. Really, really... good."

Samarie let out a creepy giggle, and kissed her on the forehead. Then again on the lips, for good measure.

"Y-Yeah... I, um... I'm glad you liked it too. I love you."

Marina hummed approvingly, then began the slow process of untangling herself from Samarie's arms. At no point did it occur to her to let go, and even when she was up Samarie still reached for her.

"Relax, I'm just getting us some water. I'll be back, baby." she explained, lazily closing her laptop on the way past. Just as she bent over to open the minifridge under her desk, she turned around. "You're... staying the night, right? You don't have to, but..."

"O-O-Of course! I-If you'll let me, that is..."

Marina's only reply was a warm smile.

Chapter Text

For the first time in... ever, Samarie could genuinely say that she felt optimistic about the future. For one thing, she'd woken up today with every single one of her gangly limbs wrapped around Marina like a giant cuddly spider, and hadn't been immediately vaporised or turned into a gross bug for her hubris! It didn't get much better than that. They'd almost spent the whole morning like that, snuggled up under the covers because getting up and getting dressed was too much effort, but eventually they did have to accept the reality that they did have classes to go to.

They stayed by eachother's side up until lunch time, when their schedules desynched and they had to part ways. Well, that and because Samarie was scared of having lunch with Marina's friends again. She didn't want to risk souring her good mood. 

She'd grab a kebab or something later. Probably. For now, with no more classes until later in the afternoon, the time had come to deal with an issue she'd been putting off for too long: Laundry day.

Aside from all the creeper shit, the biggest reason Samarie had never invited Marina to her dorm room was the mess. Dust piled up in the corners, old papers that should have been thrown out instead getting lost under the bed or the desk, and a mountain of dirty laundry. You couldn't even see her carpet under all of it, and though Samarie herself had gotten used to the smell, she dreaded to think what it would do to any visitors. Horrifying things, most likely.

Gathering all her clothes in a giant garbage bag and putting on the only garments that could reasonably be considered clean, namely an oversized t-shirt and bathing shorts, Samarie got to work dragging the whole mess through the corridor towards the stairwell. Outside the miasma of her room, she noticed a very... distinct smell coming off her dirty laundry. The perils of being a frequent masturbator but not always bothering to undress first.

In normal, less concentrated amounts Samarie didn't find the smell of sex that offensive, but like this it really only served as a reminder of how much of a fucking pervert she was. She felt more and more disgusting with every step she took and every person she passed, who must surely be picking up on it just like she did.

Well, what was one more humiliation? People already saw her as the filthy, slimy little thing she was on the outside. Only Marina had bothered digging deep enough to see worth in her existence.

Keeping her head down, Samarie made her way towards the basement, pushing her malnourished muscles to their limit as she tried to focus on how she'd soon get to wear her favourite dresses again.

"Samarie?" someone spoke up behind her, causing the lanky goth to turn around and meet the eye of one of the people she'd been trying to avoid. Olivia Haas. "Need any help there, buddy?"

"O-Oh, hey Olivia. No, um... I wouldn't wanna impose, I've got this." Samarie replied hastily. It was strange, but the other girl's presence made her feel... skittish. She hadn't exactly made a good impression the last time they met, and as much as she wanted to at least somewhat get along with Marina's friends, she knew damn well she was on thin ice. Hell, she'd been on thin ice since before they even met.

"You sure? I've got a key for the elevator, so you don't have to lug that thing up and down the stairs. Believe me, it's no trouble." Olivia insisted with a friendly, approachable smile, and at that point it'd be even ruder to refuse, wouldn't it? Then again, this could all be a ploy to corner her and bombard her with intrusive questions, in which case the safest option would be avoidance. But Olivia really didn't seem like... Well, like Levi, quite frankly.

"Okay. I won't take up t-too much of your time." she finally said with a smile of her own, one with too much teeth and too little eye contact. Olivia didn't seem to mind though, as she led them towards the elevator by the stairwell. It was technically a cargo elevator of sorts, but students with mobility issues were given keys to it so they didn't have to contend with the stairs.

Of course, the usual suspects complained about 'special privileges' and whatnot, but luckily none of them had enough sway to change the policy.

"So, how have you been?" the brown-haired girl asked casually as she rolled up to the call button and turned her key in the slot just beneath it.

"Good. R-Really good, actually. I've been getting more showers, better sleep, a-and..." Samarie replied, wringing her hands a little as she waited for the doors to open and contemplated whether it really was a good idea to finish that sentence. "...I love spending time with Marina. I-I c-can't quite put into words how s-she makes me feel, you know? Just... alive. She makes me feel alive."

Olivia looked a bit stunned for a moment, before a bright smile appeared on her face and she pulled Samarie down into an unexpected hug that left the goth waving her arms as she didn't know where to put them. In the back of her mind she noted that the other girl seemed to have a surprising degree of upper body strength.

"That is wonderful to hear, Samarie! I'm happy for you. Both of you." Olivia said, releasing Samarie as she wheeled herself backwards into the elevator, waiting for her to step in with her before pressing the button for the basement. "She talks about you a lot, you know. Marina can be very guarded, but there's always a glint in her eye when your name comes up. Like she's looking forward to something."

Samarie felt her head start to swim, before breaking out into a strange, low giggling fit that wouldn't have sounded out of place coming out of a mad scientist's creepy assistant in a 50s B-movie. She couldn't help it, though. It was impossible not to feel giddy at that small confirmation that Marina wasn't ashamed of her, that she would like talking about her even when they weren't in the same room.

"Ka... I think I might pass out..." she admitted, feeling a little unsteady on her feet as her giggling grew more breathy, before snapping out of her daze with a shake of her head. "F-False alarm... I'm just gay."

Olivia chuckled, and rolled out of the elevator as it arrived in the basement of the dorms, elegantly turning as she came to a stop. It reminded Samarie of a ballerina, effortlessly graceful and with a confidence born of experience.

"We've all been there. Now let's get those clothes sorted so you can be presentable for your lady, yeah?" she said, smiling as she nodded towards the laundry room.

"Y-Y-Yes! Right behind you!" Samarie replied with vigorous nodding and reddening cheeks.

Marina felt like she was on top of the god damn world. Maybe it was just confidence from losing her V-card, maybe Samarie had just done that good a job at hyping her up, either way Marina was practically fucking glowing as she went about her day.

...she could do without the wide variety of weird looks, though. She and Samarie hadn't exactly been... quiet, last night. Rumours may have spread by now, whether or not they'd turn out positive or negative only time would tell. Though for now, anyone who knew or thought they knew what she'd done with her girlfriend, was keeping their opinions to themselves.

Good. She'd hate to have to chew someone out while having such a good day.

"You look happier than usual." Daan said from his position by the lamppost, nursing a cigarette while Marina and Levi ate their kebabs on the nearby park bench. They'd gone a little ways off campus to have lunch, rather than putting up with the cafeteria food.

"Mh, thank you for noticing. My heart swells with cheer and jubilation." Marina replied with only partial sarcasm, smirking a little as her friend rolled his eyes.

"Good. Wouldn't want you to steal my shtick." he said, exhaling smoke as he stared off at nothing in particular before a more serious, protective air spread across his face. "So, people have been talking..."

"...about me and Samarie fucking like mad bunnies?" Marina interrupted, completely out of pocket, rejoicing in how Daan started coughing and Levi almost recoiled in abject horror. "Relax, I'm not about to give you the full play-by-play. But yeah, we had a good time."

Giving her friends a moment to recover, Marina finished off her kebab and chucked the paper in the bin next to the bench. She had to introduce Samarie to this döner place, she'd love it. Levi muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?" she asked, crossing her legs.

"Why her? I get that you only wanna get with girls or whatever, but you could do so much better. I mean jesus Marina, she needs help." Levi responded, putting his own food aside. Still, he didn't turn to meet her eye. Like he was talking at her rather than to her.

"Um, because I like her? And how does us getting together stop her from getting help? What, does she not deserve a girlfriend until after she's been 'cured'? Is that what you're trying to say?"

Marina tried to keep her tone even and measured, even though it was pretty fucking galling for Levi to be going there of all places. As if he had any room to call someone else out for having issues.

"It's not about deserving, it's about priorities." he said condescendingly, as if it was so obvious he didn't need to explain further. "I just don't get what you see in her. The girl's a mess, how can she treat you like you deserve?"

"Oh, like you did when your idea of a date was getting me to trip sit for you without warning?" Marina snapped, now pissed beyond reason. It was a low blow, but she didn't give one ounce of shit for playing fair right now. That little incident had been the final straw between them, an unbelievably massive dick move that'd preyed on her empathy and made her feel like the dumbest girl in the world. She'd already been planning on breaking it off on account of being gay, but Levi had made sure to nearly burn down their friendship in the process, too.
"Seriously, are you jealous or something? Cause I wouldn't have stuck my dick in you if your asshole was the fountain of youth, Levi."

One last dig at his pride. It was a terrible instinct to indulge, but part of her felt... satisfied at hurting him, revelled in the shocked expression on his face. She'd been holding back a long time, and Levi deciding to shit talk Samarie had just made all those buried resentments bubble to the surface.

For his part, Levi rose to his feet and looked like he was about to scream something, when both their attentions were drawn by the sound of Daan stomping out his cigarette.

"Okay! You two, you... You're my friends, but I did not sign up for this shit. If you wanna tear eachother to pieces, you can bloody well do it without putting me in the middle." Daan said with a heavy, frustrated sigh, running a hand down his face before turning to leave.

Marina and Levi watched him go, then stared at eachother for a moment.

"Fine, I said what I needed to anyway." Marina finally declared, before stomping  away towards the campus.

"I like your necklace." Samarie said during a gap in the conversation, lazily dangling her legs back and forth over the edge of the washing machine she was sitting on, being gently rumbled by the spin cycle.

"Oh, this old thing?" Olivia replied, smoothing a thumb over the lone butterfly wing that hung from a chain around her neck. Something strange, almost mournful came over her brown eyes when she looked at it. "It's part of a matched set. My... sister has the other one."

"It's pretty." Samarie added with a thin smile as she tried to keep up with the new subject. She was going to get a good grade in social interaction, so help her Marina. "I'm an only child, I think. I... never really knew my parents."

"Oh... I'm sorry, Samarie." Olivia said softly, an empathetic expression on her face as she wheeled a little closer.

Ah. Right. She'd just admitted to something sad, hadn't she? That wasn't the right thing to say at all.

"M-Maybe we shouldn't discuss my past. Sorry." Samarie hastily apologised, waving her hands in front of her. She laughed awkwardly, but it really was in everyone's best interest that she keep as much of her past life to herself as possible. No reason to give anyone nightmares. Luckily, she was saved by the proverbial bell of her phone going off with a text message. Marina's custom text notification, no less.

🖤🖤Marina🖤🖤: Still in the laundry room?
Samarie: Yes. I'm hanging out with Olivia
🖤🖤Marina🖤🖤: Ok. I need to talk, is it ok if I butt in?
Samarie: Of course! I missed you anyway

"Um, Marina wants to know if she can join us? And I kinda already said yes, so..." she explained to Olivia, trying to hide the worry growing in her head like a parasitic worm. Olivia just giggled.

"God, you two are cute. I'll have to leave you to it, though. I'm meeting someone in a few minutes."

Samarie paced as she waited for Marina to show up, resisting the urge to barrage her with text messages as her mind spiralled into catastrophe. Had she done something wrong? Had something happened? How bad was it? There were a million reasons someone would want to talk out of the blue, and Samarie could only think of the worst ones. She had a frankly terrifying talent for interpreting the most innocuous things as omens for an imminent disaster.

Just as she was reaching the stage where she was starting to come to terms with the worst case scenario she'd conjured for herself, Marina opened the door to the laundry room and nearly startled her out of her skin. Immediately, Samarie could tell her girlfriend wasn't feeling great. She was making that face she made when she needed a hug but didn't want to ask for it.

"Hi. Are you, um, alright?" Samarie asked, slowly opening her arms in a silent offer of casual intimacy. Marina was quiet for a moment, then simply stepped forward and hugged her like they hadn't seen eachother in days. It was the kind of hug that made Samarie's heart do a gay little dance, because it meant that maybe Marina had missed her too.

"Yeah. Well, no. I mean... I had an argument with Levi and I don't think we're friends anymore..." Marina replied, her voice shrinking with each word until she was practically whispering.

Samarie hugged her back as well as her noodly arms would allow, only twitching a little bit at how that needle-like feeling danced across her skin. She wasn't overly fond of Levi, of course, but he was still Marina's friend. Not that she knew from experience, but Samarie assumed it must suck to lose a friendship you've had for years, no matter the cause. So, she sympathised, and hoped she could somehow make it better. She owed Marina that much.

"Aw... Marina, I'm s-sorry to hear that. I'm sure you can p-patch things up, though." she tried to reassure, having an easier time listening than she did saying anything even remotely useful.

"I... don't know if I'd want to. He keeps saying shitty things about you, and I... brought up some stuff I've been sitting on a while. Stuff I don't wanna keep ignoring." her girlfriend said with a sigh, still quiet. She turned her head to rest her ear against Samarie's sternum, as if to listen to the beat of her shrivelled, dessicated heart. "I don't feel like apologising, either."

"Then... it sounds like this m-may have been a g-good thing? Sorry, I'm p-probably misinterpreting, but if that's really how you feel..."

"Mh. Maybe. But whatever, I don't wanna talk about this anymore." Marina said with finality to her tone, her hand smoothing across Samarie's back before brushing through her inky black hair. She opened her mouth as if to say something, hesitated, then said it anyway. "Hey... Mind if I play with your hair while we wait for your laundry to finish?"

Samarie looked down to meet Marina's eyes. After blinking a few times, she cracked a smile.

"N-Not at all. T-That sounds nice."

Chapter Text

Samarie had a strange relationship with pain. It was what she inflicted on herself as punishment for existing, or just to quiet the ever-incessant noise going on inside her head. It was also something she had become intimately familiar with during her time in the Ninth Circle, near endless agonies and humiliations inflicted on her young body until she lay raw and bleeding at the altar of indifferent, distant gods. Even now the spectre of those so-called rituals haunted her when on sleepless nights her scars ached as if wanting to burst open of their own accord, or a different, more disquieting pain that seised her lower body and flared out through her innards like patch of brambles.

It was strange, then, and no small source of shame, that under the right circumstances Samarie found the sensation of pain arousing.

She felt dirty about it, frankly. It was already bad enough that she'd turned into some sort of... sex maniac after enduring all that stuff, but to get off on being hurt was just madness. Sure, lots of other people had the same kink, but that was different! Most other people hadn't gone through literal torture. Hence, it was more 'wrong' for Samarie to be into that stuff...

...wasn't it?

She'd already come to terms with the fact that she'd never fully disentangle her sexuality from her trauma. So maybe she was better off just... not thinking about it too hard. Easier said than done, of course, Samarie was always overthinking things to the point of giving herself panic attacks or the like.

Fuck, why did it all have to be so damn complicated? Couldn't she just get off without having to pathologise her jerk-off sessions?!

...well, there had been one time she'd cum without suffering a mental breakdown afterwards. With Marina. Her angel had just made her feel so safe, and loved, and... normal, that she hadn't gotten the chance to freak out. So perhaps Marina was the key.

"Could you spank me?"

Marina spat out her soda in a misty spray, dousing the poor houseplant on her windowsill. When she'd invited Samarie over, she'd just planned on sharing some snacks while watching niche video essays, as you do, so she was more than a little caught off guard by her girlfriend's sudden proposition. Wiping her mouth with a napkin, she reached over to pause the video they were watching.

"Sorry love, would you please elaborate?" Marina said in as calm and as dignified a tone as she could muster. She wasn't judging! Not at all. Getting that across was very important, Samarie was sharing something vulnerable and it was up to her to be as respectful and accepting as possible.

Still, though. Holy shit.

"I-I-I know it's a bit strange! But I just... I w-wanna try it, a-and I trust you, and... I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Y-You know what, m-maybe we should just drop it..." Samarie stammered out, looking away in shame, and that just wouldn't do. Without warning, Marina leaned forward and silenced her girlfriend's worried rambling with a kiss on the mouth.

"There's nothing wrong with being strange, baby." she said, pulling back just enough to make eye contact with Samarie. She dropped her voice a little to speak in a low, sensual tone as her hand snuck over to rest on her girlfriend's knee. "I'm not uncomfortable. You just surprised me a little. Now... what is it about spanking that makes you wanna try it?"

Samarie gulped, then shut her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts and steady her breathing.

"W-Well, I... I don't know why, but sometimes I find pain... s-s-stimulating. O-Only certain kinds of pain, though. A-And I just... I g-guess you could you say I want to explore that? You know, experience it, with you, s-sexually..." she took her time to explain, wringing her hands and alternating between making eye contact and staring off at nothing in particular. "I... trust you, to h-hurt me in the g-good ways and not the bad ways..."

Marina nodded, taking Samarie's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. She wasn't entirely sure where she stood in regards to pain, honestly. The idea of wanting to hurt someone because you like them felt... odd. Not necessarily bad, but certainly new. She was far from repulsed by the idea, but hadn't really given it much thought when it came to her relationship with Samarie. It just hadn't crossed her mind, simple as that.

"We can try it." Marina began, searching for Samarie's eyes and smiling when she got to look into them properly. "We just need to, you know, lay some ground rules. Safe words, boundaries, things like that."

"O-Okay. Um... A s-safe word should be short and easy to say, right? So h-how about... crystal?" Samarie suggested, tilting her head to one side while fiddling with Marina's hand.

"Crystal works. If either of us say that, we'll stop completely. But like... you can also just... give me feedback, I guess? Tell me to slow down and ease up... or the opposite, as the case may be." she replied, trying and failing not to blush. They were really discussing this, huh? Just laying it all out there in the open.

Not that either of them were strangers to the occasional overshare, but it felt different when it was about sex. Or at least it did for Marina, who could still hear the teachings of the church buzzing away in the back of her mind like an angry little yellowjacket.

Samarie nodded rapidly, the reddening of her pale cheeks saying far more than she could with mere words. After a long moment of silence, she finally spoke up again.

"Could we... try it now?" she suggested with a wobbly, uncertain smile. Adorable.

Marina couldn't help but steal a kiss. Several kisses, in fact, until they both fell onto the bed to let their hands and lips roam. Limbs tangled. God, she loved this girl.

"Yeah." she finally breathed, running a hand through flowing black hair. "How do you want it?"

"I-I guess... with me b-bent over your knee? That's how I, uh... imagined it." Samarie admitted with a nervous chuckle, burying her face in Marina's shoulder so she couldn't see her blush. "Also, uh... I think it would be really hot i-if I was the only one n-naked..."

Marina blinked a couple times at being gifted that wonderful new mental image, feeling herself twitch in her panties. She opened her mouth to respond, but had to clear her throat before any words came out.

"I think so too."

Samarie smiled, hesitating for a moment before leaning in for a kiss, guiding Marina's hands under the hem of her black dress. It came off easily, Samarie just had to raise her arms and the whole thing could be slid off of her, leaving her in her underwear and knee socks. It always felt like a privilege to get to see her like this. Samarie may not think much of her body, from the network of scars covering her skin to the ribs and hips that were just beginning to regain some much needed fat, but Marina thought she was beautiful. Every part of her.

She was so pretty and unique and...

"...fuck, you're sexy." Marina whispered, gently running her hands down the goth's exposed arms, her thumbs lingering for brief moments on the faded marks of gods neither could worship anymore.

"R-Really...?" Samarie asked meekly, fiddling with the straps of her bra for lack of anything to stim with.

"Yeah. Sexiest girl I've ever seen."

"W-Well... that can't be true. Y-You've seen yourself." the thin girl said with a flirtatious giggle that practically demanded Marina kiss her. And so she did.

The kiss lingered until their tongues began a languid dance and soft moans were swapped between them, and soon that pesky bra was disposed of as well. Impatiently, Marina dipped her head low to take a pink nipple into her mouth, first sucking on it before grazing it with her teeth, an act whose sting she soothed with slow flicks of her tongue.

The longer she went on, the less Samarie was holding back her cute little whimpers and gasps, creepy by the definition of most but that wasn't a drawback to Marina. It was like fucking a cryptid, only better.

While her mouth moved on to shower the other nipple in attention, Marina's hand slipped into the hem of Samarie's black panties. She faltered a little when she discovered just how wet she already was for her. Still felt a bit heady, that. Having such an obvious effect on another girl's body.

"Marina, please. T-Touch me." her creature asked breathlessly, squirming and rubbing her thighs together.

"I am touching you." Marina teased, putting just the tiniest bit of pressure on Samarie's clit with her fingertips while running her tongue along one of the scars on her chest. Samarie whined desperately. "What do you need, baby? Speak up."

"S-Spank me. I'm r-ready. Please?" she begged, bringing a smile to Marina's lips.

"Get into position, then."

Samarie obeyed eagerly, climbing off of the bed and standing up while Marina threw her legs over the side. The black-haired girl's hands hesitated at her panties for a moment, before pulling them down to the floor. She shook a little as she laid herself down over Marina's lap, taking a pillow to support her chest and make the position a little more comfortable.

Marina took a deep breath to steady her own nerves as she gently caressed her girlfriend's ass. There weren't many scars, there. Just a single icon of Sylvian that spilled over from the back of her thigh.

"You remember our safeword?"

"C-Crystal."

"Okay. Don't hesitate to say it if you need to stop, okay? I won't judge. Ready?"

Samarie hummed in affirmation, and Marina raised her hand in the air before bringing it down on her left cheek with a hefty slap. She didn't put too much force into it, in fact she'd kind of hesitated just as her palm was about to land. Still, the effect on Samarie was... exciting. She cried out in a half-moan, half whimper, her pussy leaking onto the fabric of Marina's skirt.

Fuck, she was so hot like this. Naked and at her mercy, gracing her with a level of trust Marina had never known from anyone. She loved this girl, and couldn't wait to see how she reacted when she hurt her again.

She pushed down the fear of herself that thought brought with it.

The second slap hit the other cheek, more forcefully than the first. Poor Samarie didn't have much fat to protect her, but she certainly didn't seem to mind. She squirmed in Marina's lap, but did not call for her to stop. Even so, a check-in was probably in order. If only to soothe Marina's worries about having turned into some sort of monster.

"Are you alright? I hope I'm not... being too rough." Marina asked, stopping herself before she could bring up Samarie's trauma and whether she produced any reminders thereof. Truly horrible intrusive thought, that.

"Y-Yeah, um... It's good!" Samarie replied once she'd caught her breath and gathered her thoughts, looking over to give the grey-haired girl a reassuring smile. "You can actually... go a l-little harder. Please."

"Okay. Good to know. Love you."

It felt important to reassure her of that before getting back into character, as it were. Even now though, something still felt... off. Like something wasn't quite clicking. Chalking it up to nerves and insecurity, Marina pushed the feeling down and raised her hand again.

She put quite a bit of force into this one, and the yelp it got from Samarie made her freeze up for a moment before she trailed off into a moan and began rocking her hips against Marina's lap. So, Marina hit her again, and again, with the same level of force, trying to focus purely on Samarie's reactions... until she realised something.

"Crystal." she said, quieter than she intended, hesitating for several seconds after the last blow.

"Marina?" Samarie asked, blinking with innocent confusion as she raised herself up to make eye contact. "What's wrong? Did I..."

"No! No, you... It's not your fault. Okay? I just..." Marina hastened to correct, briefly reaching out to hug her girlfriend before lowering her arms. She had no idea what was the 'right' thing to do in this situation. "I'm sorry, but this... isn't how I want to hurt you? If that makes sense? The, um... pain-play I'm fine with, but just spanking you feels... weird. I dunno, I don't know to describe it. I'm sorry."

Samarie regarded her for a moment, then sat up so she could wrap her scrawny arms around Marina in a gentle hug. She winced a little as her sore butt made contact with Marina's thighs.

"I-It's okay! Y-You don't have to apologise, or explain. I-If you don't want to keep going, we can stop." she said, directing Marina's head to rest against her chest. It felt nice, just taking a moment to relax like this. Gathering her thoughts.

A moment flowed into several minutes, as Marina tried to make sense of what exactly had made her want to stop. It was hard to put words to it. Something about spanking just made her feel off, like she was... inflicting punishment, or something. Some people were into that sort of thing, but Marina had no desire to punish Samarie. And even though Samarie had clearly enjoyed herself, she just couldn't bring herself to hurt her like a disciplinarian would. She wanted to hurt her like a lover would.

Paradoxically, a part of Marina felt both guilt and worry over not being able to give her precious creature what she wanted, though she could at least think of a way to alleviate that. And perhaps, selfishly, get what she wanted too.

"I... don't want to stop entirely." Marina whispered eventually, offering a compromise. "Could we change it up? I'm still horny, so... could we try doing it from behind, or something? And if you still want me to hurt you, I could like... pull your hair. I-If you'd like that."

Their eyes met, and Samarie took a moment to regard her. Like she was searching her violet eyes for any sign of hesitation or reluctance. Marina knew she showed none, and after a few seconds, Samarie smiled from ear to ear like a cursed jack-o-lantern.

"T-That sounds great, M-Marina. I'd like that a lot."

Samarie helped her with her clothes, taking longer than what was strictly necessary pulling down her panties. It was strangely uplifting to see someone appreciate her... unconventional anatomy as much as she did, and Marina breathed a sigh of relief when her erection was freed from its fabric prison. Her girlfriend left a black lipstick mark on her balls before standing back up. For luck, she supposed.

Marina gently guided her lover down to all fours on the bed, making sure was comfortable as she moved behind her to run her hands across her reddened ass and marvel at her soaked cunt.

"I've left you waiting long enough, I think." she mumbled, laying a pillow under her knees so she could line herself up with the taller girl's entrance.

"Y-Yes! Please give it to me, Marina!"

Dutifully, Marina slid her clit into that soft, welcoming warmth, unable to stifle the content moan that fell from her lips when she bottomed out with no effort at all.

Samarie clutched Marina like a body pillow as they laid snuggled up under the covers, legs slotted together, Marina's head tucked under her chin. It was still hard to believe that any of this was real. That she could just... have this, have Marina, whenever she wanted. All she had to do was ask.

Of course, asking for it was the hard part. If Samarie had the courage, she would have Marina in her bed every night. Not even for sex! ...okay, definitely for sex, but also just for cuddles. The only time she ever felt at ease, truly at ease, was when she had Marina in her arms. At all other times her brain was so... noisy, always picking at her and finding every little excuse to expand the pit of despair and self-loathing she had instead of a soul. Some days she didn't even feel like a person. Just a pile of scarred meat and haunting memories.

Marina, just like she had eight years ago, made her feel like she could have more. Like she wasn't doomed to live out a short, miserable existence before dying alone. Like she was more than what had been done to her.

"I love you." she whispered in the sleeping girl's hair, clutching her even tighter, not caring for the faint burning sensation her skin still experienced when touched by another human being. Tears pricked at the edges of her eyes, and her breath quavered with emotion. "I love you so fucking much. Please don't ever leave me. I would understand if you did, but please... Please stay with me forever."

Chapter Text

Samarie poked at her breaded trout with her fork, half-eaten next to a pile of peas and cold potatoes, and sighed. She knew she needed to eat and get some meat on her bones, but the food in the school cafeteria was just so... bland. The dictionary definition of the word sustenance, often undercooked and overpriced. She felt bad not being able to stomach it, but the texture and taste of it all just made her skin crawl.

"That bad, huh?" Marina asked from across the small table they were sat at, her own plate only slightly more depleted.

"It's... really soggy. The crust just slides off the fish..." Samarie replied quietly, pushing a single pea around. "I'm s-sorry, I know I p-promised to eat, but..."

"But the food here sucks?" Marina followed up with an empathetic smile. "I don't blame you, honestly. That kitchen is so hit and miss, it's like they pay the cooks in coupons and bits of old twine."

The black-haired girl sighed and put down her fork, accepting the fact she would just have to go hungry for a little while more. Maybe if she was lucky she could find a food cart after school, before it got dark. Or a vending machine. She'd been getting used to the taste of nutribars and potato chips lately.

She dreaded to think what she must taste like, with this diet. It was why she hadn't asked Marina to go down on her yet. Well, that and the fear that her body was so ruined that it'd poison her, or that all the rot would come spilling out and go down Marina's throat and leave her just as broken and empty and wrong as she was and-

"Hey, how about I take you fishing?" her girlfriend asked, unwittingly snapping her out of the spiral her mind had gotten caught in. "It's about time we took our dates off campus, and... I dunno, it'd be good to get outdoors. I think you might like it."

Samarie swallowed, then nodded slowly.

"T-That sounds alright, Marina. B-But I don't know how to fish." she replied, rubbing her upper arm, her thumb brushing over a faded mark of Rher.

"Oh, don't worry. It's real easy, I'll show you. My, uh... My dad taught me." Marina added, her smile faltering for a moment, a sadness flickering across her eyes before being quickly suppressed.

"Y-You don't have to!" Samarie blurted out, a frantic animal instinct compelling her to ease her lover's burdens. "I-I mean... I wouldn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position, for my sake. It j-just wouldn't be right, n-not after everything you've done already..."

Marina chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment as she broke eye contact, then reached across the table to take Samarie's hand. Her lips curved upwards ever so slightly.

"It's alright, Sammie. I don't mind. Besides, I'd like to make some new, better memories with you."

Samarie didn't like the woods, for the same reason she didn't like being anywhere she could easily get snuck up on, but holding Marina's hand helped. It felt like going on an adventure, just the two of them, like the kind she used to fantasise about when she was a kid. Except better, cause those fantasies sometimes spiralled into some horrible nightmare where bad things happened to little girls.

Here, the only bad thing was the mosquitoes and the uneven footing of the forest path down to the lake.

"Are you s-sure we're allowed to fish here? Don't we need a permit?" she asked her girlfriend, the rods clacking together in her other hand as she almost stumbled on a tree root.

"Be gay, do crime." Marina replied with a smirk. "Seriously though, we're fine. As long as we don't start a forest fire or anything."

Samarie nervously eyed Marina's backpack where she'd stowed their camp grill and cooking supplies. From what she could tell from the maps, the lake had enough of a beach that any mishaps with their campfire wouldn't have much chance of spreading. Still, it was in her nature to worry.

"This pack is kind of heavy..." she complained, adjusting how the straps sat on her bony shoulders. She wasn't carrying much, for obvious reasons, but for someone with her constitution it was still a lot.

"We're almost there. Just a little more, Sammie."

The beach was surprisingly scenic, even though the waters turned dark enough for the bottom to be invisible just a couple feet in. The lake was very protective of its secrets, it seemed. The fish probably didn't mind.

No sooner had they come to a stop before Marina helped Samarie doff her backpack and set up the camping chairs they'd brought so she could sit down, stopping for a moment just to... look into her eyes. Not searching for anything, just... looking. As if that was worth her time, as if Samarie's eyes weren't dark, reflectionless pits that swallowed light like a black hole. Cursed, cursed creature.

Marina didn't seem to mind, though. After a few seconds she smiled, and parted Samarie's bangs to lay a kiss on her forehead.

"Better?" she asked, smoothing a thumb across Samarie's blushing cheeks.

"Y-Yeah... I just need to rest a bit, then I'll help."

Marina nodded, and got to work setting up their modest campsite on the beach, assembling the fishing rods and organising all their snacks into a neat pile. She tossed one of the energy bars to Samarie, who slowly snacked on it as she rose on shaky legs to get the tackles and bait out of her backpack. She was grateful they weren't using live bait. The idea of piercing a living, squirming thing with a barbed hook felt just a bit too symbolic.

"Have you ever cast a line out before?" Marina asked, hugging her from behind and standing on her toes to look over her shoulder. Samarie shook her head. "That's okay. Takes a bit of practice, but once you know the trick it's easy enough. First of all, put your hands here... and here."

She reached around Samarie to gently manoeuvre her bony hands around the cork grip of the rod, making sure her fingers were in the right position and that her grip was tight.

"Next, keep track of the hook." Marina continued in a whisper, freeing the baited hook from the notch that held it flush to the rest of the rod. "Then, move your hands up to your shoulder like this."

Slowly she guided Samarie's hands into the correct position, fingers ghosting over scars old and new before moving over to her opposite side, hands lingering on her hips. Samarie felt her breath on the side of her neck, close enough to make her head spin.

"Now, release the catch on the reel... and toss."

Samarie gulped, and sent the hook flying across the lake. The reel rattled and clicked as it spun until its projectile hit the water, where the weights attached to the line sank it before reaching equilibrium with the little red and white float.

"There you go!" Marina exclaimed, rewarding her with a kiss on the neck, right below her ear, in the centre of an old engraving of Gro-goroth that'd never quite healed properly. Then a few more on her cheek, her temple, her jaw, just for good measure. "Now just reel it in until there's no slack in the line, and let it sit."

"Thanks..." Samarie mumbled, sitting down before her legs gave out from under her, dazed and so pathetically smitten. "I-Is that all there is to it? Just hang out until the fish bite?"

"Pretty much." Marina replied, throwing out her own line before pulling up a seat for herself, one leg crossed over the other as she regarded Samarie with mischief in her eyes. No doubt proud of her handiwork. "This hobby lives and dies on the company you bring."

Samarie blinked as she processed the implication, before a flustered giggle fled her black lips, rattling through ribcage like wind through a wooden chime. So easy it was for her lover to affect her, just as much now as before they had ever spoken, but she didn't mind. Her heart might, though. It wasn't used to being at such an elevated rate so often.

"I-I hope I can be good company for you, Marina... B-But I don't h-have much to make conversation of..." she stuttered, rubbing her arm with one hand while holding onto the rod with the other. There were exactly three topics Samarie wanted to talk about on any given day; Marina, activities to do with Marina, and stupid childish things she did not yet have the courage to broach to Marina. She was perhaps lacking a bit in the hobby department.

"That's okay. I don't mind just sitting here, admiring the view." her angel said, one side of her mouth curling up into a smirk, seemingly endlessly enthralled by the sight of Samarie giggling like an idiot and shielding her face with her hair. Like she was returning the favour from all the time Samarie had spent lovingly, stalkingly, staring at her.

"I r-really have no idea w-what you find so attractive about me..." Samarie finally mumbled, giving voice to the thoughts that had been on her mind since they started dating.

"Would you like me to tell you?" Marina replied, no hint of judgement in her tone. "Because I can. And I like seeing you smile when I compliment you."

Seconds passed. Samarie hesitated, then gave a slow nod. In truth, she'd expected Marina to dodge the question, as part of her imagined that she couldn't explain her attraction either. That it had just sort of... happened, as a result of the nebulous emotional attachment people call love.

"I love how you wear your hair, the way it flows down the sides of your head like a waterfall of ink. And you've gotta teach me your makeup routine at some point, your eyes are so beautiful and you really know how to bring them out." Marina said, scooting a little closer so she could get at the creature she was singing the praises of.

"I-I-I learned from you. You know, before..." Samarie confessed, gesturing vaguely and making intermittent eye contact.

"Oh. Right." her angel replied, blushing herself a little before dismissing the subject with a wave and a chuckle. "Honestly? Kind of a turn-on. There's something... scarily sexy about imagining you looming outside my window like a perv. If I'd known you were there... I dunno, I might have tried to put on a show to lure you inside!"

She laughed coquettishly, putting all sorts of confused and tangled thoughts in Samarie's head. Whether she truly meant it or not, Marina did have a point. It would be distressingly hot to be rewarded for her creeper behaviour like that. In a way, she'd already been rewarded plenty by being given a chance to be in Marina's life at all... But something that Samarie had discovered herself as of late, now that she at least wasn't constantly in a state of abject self hatred and mental collapse, was that she was quite greedy.

"Y-You make me sound like a s-stray cat who needs g-girlcock instead of tuna..." Samarie finally replied, stuck in her own giggling fit, resisting the urge to rub her thighs together. So wet already, it would be really embarrassing if Marina made her cum just from talking to her. She probably could, too.

"Am I wrong, though? That's another thing I like about you. You're weird as fuck babe, but you're not chaser weir- Oh shit, you've got a bite!"

Samarie jolted out of her daze, her attention grabbed by how her rod was shifting in her hands like something was tugging on the line. She stood up too quick, suffering a brief bout of hypotension, before frantically starting to reel in her line like she'd seen people do on the internet, occasionally relaxing the line only to yank it back. Marina jogged up to her side, probably getting ready to catch her in case she fell over.

The fish refused to go quietly. As soon as it realised it was caught, it struggled with all its might to get free. To its credit, it nearly succeeded. Its opponent wasn't exactly in the prime of her life. But once it was out of the water, it was all over, its damp scales shimmering in the daylight. The fish didn't seem to realise that though, with the way it was still flopping around at the end of the line like a worm on a string.

"W-W-What do we do now?" Samarie asked, holding the fish at arm's length, wincing at every splash of lake water that hit her face.

"Easy, we... Hang on, just... Fuck, give it here." Marina replied, not sounding much sure herself as she put on her gloves and fumbled to get their catch off the hook. While it still wriggled in her hands, she went to grab a small wooden club from her backpack, and knocked it over the head with one swift stroke.

And just like that, it was dead. They'd just killed a living thing together. Samarie... was strangely fine with that. It'd been quick and merciful, there were far worse ways for a creature to exit this world than that. She'd know, she'd come close to death many times herself, and every time she had found herself wishing it'd simply be over with.

Besides, there was something strangely romantic about her and Marina's bonding time involving death. Hadn't her beloved once said she'd kiss her even if she was dead? It seemed they both had grim minds. It warmed her heart to know they had that in common.

"There. Your first fish!" Marina exclaimed with a beaming smile, holding the now still creature in both her palms for Samarie to examine.

"Wow..." Samarie whispered, running her fingers across its scales. "D-Do we, um... cook it right away, or wait until we catch another?"

"Let's wait a bit. I'm not done with you quite yet, missy." Marina replied with a sly wink that went straight to Samarie's heart.

Samarie was somewhat glad to find out she could in fact not be made to orgasm from words of affection alone, though that didn't make her any less embarrassed about how worked up the praise got her. She'd at least gotten a reprieve once Marina got busy pulling her own fish out of the lake.

"Right." Marina said after knocking the fish dead. "Time for the messy part."

Samarie nodded rapidly, then stood on wobbly legs to get the cutting board out of her backpack and balanced it on a pair of rocks. She hoped the smell of fish would cover up the smell of her, though that of course made her wonder if she smelled like fish and surely Marina would have said something by now and so on and so on until Marina stepped in front of her to lay out the fish and unsheathe her knife.

She began by raking the blade of her knife down the animal's flank, against the grain of its scales so they were caught and pulled off its skin and fell off it like snow. She then cut off the fins and heads, pruning off the former like she was tending a bonsai tree before seperating the latter from the spine by leaning her weight on the blade before a wet crunch could be heard. Samarie's contribution amounted to disposing of the severed pieces of fish in the lake.

Marina took a slow breath to steady her hand before sliding into the belly of one of the fish, slowly dragging it through the muscle until she’d cut a slit in its underside. She made a grimace as she split the two halves apart to start scooping out its guts, but did it nonetheless. Samarie was stuck staring, half in awe at her girlfriend's skill with a knife and half stuck in a memory of steel opening up her own flesh.

She must have started trembling, because she heard Marina call her name. It took her a second to snap out of it.

"Y-Yes?"

"Are you okay, baby? You looked kinda distant there for a moment, is something wrong?" Marina asked, brow furrowed with concern, hand slowly lowering the knife onto the cutting board.

"I... I feel weird. Seeing you do that. I mean, it's... I'm not squeamish, I've s-seen and... experienced grosser things than this, but seeing you gut that animal, it feels weird and I can't explain why." she said, technically not lying with that last statement. It would simply take too long and sound too incoherent, and she wasn't entirely sure she'd worked it out herself yet.

"Aw, Sammie." Marina cooed, for a moment looking like she was about to step forward and hug her before realising her hands were covered in gunk. "I understand. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"No, thank you. I-I'll just look away... B-But I wouldn't mind a hug when you're done."

She took that opportunity to start getting the fire going, collecting bits of debris from where the beach met the forest and stacking it all up in a ring of stones. It kicked out the occasional spark, but didn't seem too dangerous when they all landed on rocks and sand.

"Wanna help me season it? I don't wanna overdo it in case your stomach doesn't agree." Marina suggested, disposing of the last of the fish bones and cleaning her hands with the sanitiser they brought. In hindsight, they should have settled for wet wipes.

"Um, sure... I-I-I never really learned to cook..." Samarie mumbled, wringing her hands as she approached. There weren't a whole lot of seasonings to choose from, just pepper, lemon, salt and a couple herbs, so it was really more a question of ratios than anything.

She did her best, keeping a light hand on everything but the salt. She'd heard salt was important for preparing fish, and once the fire was properly going the fruits of both their labours ended up on the grill. The smell was immediately appetising, even more so when Marina applied a partially melted dollop of butter to the meat side, and Samarie struggled to recall the last time she'd actually been excited to eat something that wasn't offered after a prolonged stretch of ritualistic starvation.

This would prove to be a day of many temptations.

"Never seen you smile at food, before." Marina said quietly, a smile on her lips as she looked up at Samarie with wistful eyes. "You're pretty when you smile, you know."

Samarie giggled and covered her face, before slowly parting her fingers to see Marina still looking at her like she was something precious and beautiful. Something worth protecting and feeding and caring for.

"Y-You're prettier..." she mumbled in response, unsure where to look, fidgeting on the spot.

"Charmer."

They sat in comfortable silence while the fish cooked, their chairs pushed together so they could lean on one another, Marina's head resting on Samarie's shoulder, Samarie's arm hesitantly sneaking around to curl around Marina's waist. Out here there was no noise save from the crackling of the fire, the wind rustling through the trees and the lake lapping gently at the beach. Peace.

Samarie almost fell asleep, but roused when Marina stood up to lay the cooked fish out on a pair of paper plates and handed her a fork. Her stomach rumbled. She hoped it would be good, and that she wouldn't disappoint Marina again.

Slowly she pried a piece of meat off the skin with her fork then speared it. She started small, well aware of how sensitive her stomach could be, and of the dangers of eating too much too fast. Feeding herself was often a miserable experience, so it was with some hesitation that she brought the bite to her mouth, and let it touch her tongue. 

Ka. It wasn't normal to get this emotional about food.

"It's so good!" she said, mouth still full, tears in her eyes. There was just so much flavour.  "I-I don't have words, just... Thank you! This is so much better than that s-shit at the cafeteria..."

"I'm so happy to hear that!" Marina replied with a beaming smile, her usual reserved facade completely discarded. "Like genuinely, I'm so fucking glad you like it. Oh my god."

Samarie nodded frantically as she took another bite, a little bigger this time, happy for reasons she couldn't quite explain. Marina had cooked for her, and it was good, and they were eating together, and she wasn't fucking it up. The feeling was akin to spiritual rapture.

While she ate slowly, she was at least able to eat at all, only pausing to take swigs from her water bottle. She was genuinely surprised when she was able to finish the whole thing, slumping against Marina's side as she heaved out a great big sigh.

"I'm not gonna say that's better than sex... But it might be close." she murmured, content.

"Guess I might know what I'm doing in the kitchen after all, huh?" Marina replied, taking their plates and utensils and stowing them away in one of their packs. The stripped fish skin got tossed in the lake, necessitating a fresh application of hand sanitiser. They relaxed like that for a minute or so before Marina began to stand up. "Right, let's get this fire out. We ought to start walking back before it gets dark."

Samarie watched as Marina went to move the camp grill away from the fire, only for a stray spark, as if perfectly aimed by destiny, to fly out and strike her hand.

The alcohol in the hand sanitiser caught fire in an instant, setting Marina's hand aflame. Samarie stood up rapidly, sending her chair tumbling backwards. They both panicked, Marina screamed in pain and surprise, before rushing over to dunk her hand in the lake water.

The dirty, unfiltered lake water they'd been using to dispose of fish scraps.

Marina fell back in the sand, trembling as she clutched her wounded hand, and Samarie plain lost her mind. 

This couldn't be happening. No no no no no NO!

Her angel was bleeding. She was in pain. Unacceptable. They wouldn't even fucking be here if it weren't for her stupid eating disorder and stupid selfish insistence on accepting kindness. It wasn't fair! Samarie deserved to be hurt, not Marina!

Never Marina.

She stumbled to her beloved's side. She didn't think. 

She looked her in the eye and said "I love you." She didn't think.

She cast the Loving Whispers and it felt like pulling a bundle of fish hooks up her throat. She didn't think.

Her entire body revolted, every part of it hurt like being doused in liquid nitrogen then dragged across a field of broken glass. Didn't matter. Marina was healed.

Her vision blackened at the edges as she collapsed into the sand. She wondered if she was finally dying. Her muscles seized and spasmed uncontrollably.

Vaguely, Samarie registered Marina calling her name in a panic, before stuffing something in her mouth she could bite down on instead of her tongue. Everything turned to a haze as she passed out.