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Chapter Text

It had been three years. Three years since he’d packed up everything he could and drove away from home. Beck had been tired of living with expectations and ideals that he didn’t want. He had a life to live and he was gonna live it his way so he moved into his shitty beater car and slept in parking lots for the last few years.

Now at 21, he sat at a bar having his first legal drinks laughing it up with some strangers he probably would never see again. Honestly, he didn’t mind this life. It felt freeing to him and helped him negate that high school to college to the corporate pipeline. Here he could party and socialize and do what he loved, which was making music. He just had to live frugally, though he had a habit of dropping too much cash on stupid things, and being smart about his choices. So far it had worked out. Honestly, he could’ve probably rented some shitty place by now but he much preferred going out on his free nights to dumping everything into some dead-end apartment.

He was about to order another shot when a guy sat next to him and ordered two gesturing to him. He was taller than him only by an inch or two, with dark hair in clean dreads styled into a half-up look showing off the shaved side. He smiled and held out a hand before speaking, “Name’s Darnell. Heard it was your birthday from some drunkards figured I’d actually keep you company.” Beck smiled, taking his hand and shaking it chuckling. He appreciated the company, especially from a semi sober up front guy. “Nice I’ll take it. I’m Beck.”

The shots slid to them from the bartender who seemed more than tired with their shift as it was getting late. The two picked up the shots and made a motion to cheers before knocking them back. Darnell ordered another round but added one. “So how old are you Beck? Not gettin' me in trouble?” Darnell snickered a bit leaning on the bar a bit. He snorted shaking his head, “Nah just turned 21, figured I’d party it up even if I’m alone. Rather have fun than mope.” Darnell nodded laughing a bit. They idly chatted waiting for their shots. Admittedly with club music Beck was only catching half the words but he was enjoying the company. The guy seemed chill and laid back, honestly his kinda guy. In more ways than one if you know you know.

But before he could really attempt to sink his teeth into the guy a girl rolled up in a blur of glitter and pink snatching the third shot. Her pink highlights damn near glowing with the black lights flickering. She waved after downing the shot holding onto Darnell’s arm. “Heyyyy! I’m Nene! Happy birthday, stranger!” She yelled over the music still bouncing around. Beck snorted a bit seeing her jump into their conversation and nodded, “Thanks! I’m Beck nice to meet you!” She nodded and kept dancing in place clearly a bit further gone than his new friend. Though he wasn’t sure he was all that far off. He’d felt the warm buzzing feeling hitting him a while ago but now it was definitely kicking in.

So by the time Nene started to pull him to come dance he wasn’t stopping her. Darnell snorted watching them yelling that he’d come to grab them when they had to leave. They shouted back an ok and went to enjoy the incoherent base-boosted music. Jumping around and doing something akin to dancing on the sticky dance floor. People bumping into each other, others hitting on strangers trying to get a good night. It was one of his favorite places to be, and if he managed to score Nene and Darnell’s numbers he’d definitely make sure to meet them at whatever club they went to. They were more interesting than most he’d encountered.

The night blurred from that point but eventually, Beck’s handsome new friend came by to bring them out of the crowd and into the cold October air. Beck hadn’t brought a coat and was shivering and laughing as he and Nene stumbled around. Though as they started to walk Beck realized he’d have to tell them where he stayed. Not exactly the hottest thing to admit you’re bumming it in a 1990 Ford Explorer. So when Darnell asked where he lived he kinda just struggled to stay quiet trying to pull a lie out of his ass. “Hey man wanna just crash with us?” Darnell asked him eventually picking up on his hesitance. He nodded quickly grinning at the prospect of crashing in an actually heated apartment and not his shitty sleeping bag situation. Nene squealed and started dragging him rambling off more things they could do to keep the party going. Beck just followed after trying to keep up with her ramblings.

It took 15 minutes to get to the apartment complex and get inside. One up the five flights of stairs, which was a whole extra five minutes because he and Nene kept tripping and laughing at each other, they got into the apartment. He was pulled over to the couch where she pulled him down to sit with him. “How come we have never met before!! You’re so fun to party with man!” She asked as she threw off her shoes and pointed at him, “Darnell and I are ALWAYS at that club and youuuu have never been there before!” Beck snorted and put his hands up, “tried a new place! Figured the old one I frequented wouldn’t be to find of getting a real ID after I’d used a fake for the last few months. Glad I chose that one tho met you two!” She nodded and grabbed her phone to turn on the music. Darnell took a seat on one of the beat-up lounge chairs, “Nene, we got another roommate don’t wake his ass up.” He chastised her gently as he relaxed into the chair. Nene whined loudly but put her phone down and slumped. Beck just snickered and yawned, feeling the crash now that he was somewhere warm and quiet. They just chatted idly for a bit bouncing between music and clubs and drinks they liked. Anything that came to mind was said until they started to doze off and fall asleep. Beck just soaked up the warm place to sleep for the night. Grateful to have seemingly made some friends along the way. A great 21 birthday, and probably the best birthday he’d had.

Chapter Text

Pico had woken up with a groan after sleeping in a bit later than he usually did. It wasn’t surprising though Nene and Darnell could not shut the fuck up last night when they got home. He was a light sleeper and their dumbasses bumbling around the apartment at 2am always woke him up. He got out of bed rubbing his eyes and made his way out of his room. He shuffled to the kitchen not fully awake yet as he started to make coffee for himself and a hangover cure for Nene at the very least. He loved their dumbasses and ever since moving in became the designated post party caretaker. It was just routine now. Something of which he enjoyed, wake up, make coffee and hangover fix, relax in quiet, wake them up, make food, hang out, go to work, come back, sleep.

He sighed contently as he cradled the warm mug in his hands going to sit down and enjoy the quiet moment before the chaos started. The coffee cup was placed on the coffee table before we went to sit down. However he instead heard a groan of protest as he shot back up grabbing for the pocketknife on the table. Pico’s heart rate was through the roof as he looked down at the blue haired guy who only just started to wake up. The guys face scrunched as he stretched, only opening one grey blue eye. Despite being held at knife point the guy didn’t flinch just sat up a bit with his hands up. “Mornin… must be the roommate Darnell mentioned,” the stranger said through a yawn, “I’m Beck. Met your roomies at the club last night and they let me crash here as a birthday gift.” Pico just stared at Beck. He wasn’t unfamiliar with Darnell or Nene bringing people back but more so the lack of fear or urgency to run when seeing the knife. “You’re not scared I’m goin to kill you?” He finally asked not dropping the knife yet. Beck just looked up at him with a brow raised and shook his head, “the ways you’re holdin it… ‘m not too worried. I can go tho jus’ want their numbers to hangout again.”

Pico was utterly baffled. This stranger, Beck, just woke up and told him he wasn’t a threat because of his hold on the knife. He wasn’t wrong either which irked him, Pico’s thing was fire arms. He could use a knife but nowhere near as good as Nene. But of all the randos those two brought home some random pretty boy was finally the one to call his bluff.

He just grunted and closed the knife putting it down. He didn’t say anything but took a seat in the furthest empty space of the couch. Beck just shrugged and sat up moving to the other end. Pico just looked down at his coffee and kept an eye on him from his peripheral. He didn’t like new people at all, it made his anxiety skyrocket. But thankfully Beck just let him be only seeming to care about what was on his phone.

He curled up on himself a bit and sipped his coffee just trying to focus on his normal routine. Though, as if by some hellish fate, Beck started to talk. “Soooo, you’re the illusive recluse they were tellin me bout?” He asked putting his phone down. Pico groaned a bit and looked over at him, “Yes. I’m not the social butterfly those two are.” He hoped staying flat and blunt would deter the other. But Beck was determined and just continued, “I mean that’s fair. They speak highly of you though. Wasn’t sure I’d get the chance to meet you.” Pico just deadpanned at him annoyed that he was continuing. Beck snickered a bit and put his hands up to give him his space. Pico settled back into the quiet. He needed to tell his roommates to stop bringing yapper’s home. He just sipped his coffee and ignored the new guy. He was going to have his peace one way or another.

Though it wasn’t long quiet due to the terror duo finally waking up. Darnell waved and grabbed one of the hangover cures and sat down near Beck and waved before sowing it. “Morning you two. Seems like you’re both friendly,” he commented. Pico groaned and rolled his eyes. Darnel just snorted at him reaching to nudge him a bit. “Dude you gotta loosen up. Beck is chill. He ain’t crazy,” he said before looking to the other, “tell him you’re not a nut job.” Beck nodded giving a thumbs up. At this point Pico was over it and just put a hand up. “I’d be more friendly if yall brought strays home during the day and I didn’t have to find them bumming it on my couch.” He grumbled. Beck feigned offense and chuckled, “I’ll keep it in mind to swing by next time to smooth talk you then.” Pico just rolled his eyes at that.

Nene plopped down on the floor waving clearly more fucked yo than the rest. She just fumbled for everyone to shut up. Pico nodded, finally someone understood his need for peace. Though it wasn’t peaceful peaceful. Darnell and Beck were still whispering to each other. Mild fuck me eyes between them but that wasn’t uncommon with the guys Darnell brought back. Not like he could blame him for Beck. Annoying, sure but handsome was definitely true. He just did as he usually did and ignored their antics and laid back into his chair.

This went on for another hour before Beck got up and waved goodbye whispering about how he’d be back soon. God Pico hoped not. He didn’t need another guy lingering around the house.

Chapter Text

Weeks had started to go by and it became a regular thing for Beck to hang out with Darnell and Nene. They’d meet at bars or clubs and party it up then crash at their place. It got to a point that even Pico started to expect him on their couch and leave a coffee for him in the morning. He was thrilled to have more friends to hang out with and be around, especially ones that matched his energy. Every hangout was fun and kept him busy but it did mean he was hella lonely during the day.

Much like today. He sat in his car, closing his computer, groaning in frustration. He loved making new beats for his rapping but he was starting to feel the loneliness bug again. He pulled out his phone and opened his texts staring at the few contacts he had. Nene, Darnell, the club owner and Katty. It had been a while since he’d spent any time with her. Though she was a uni student so it wasn’t a shocker that their hangout times were bleak since he moved out.

Beck sat back against the side of his car and hummed before texting her quickly. He hoped she was free today since he had a lot to catch her up on. She’d probably be thrilled he was out of the house and socializing with people for more than a night. Katty texted back quickly that he was always welcome over. She also chastised him for the lack of texts recently, which he did expect it had been a month. He smiled though excited to see her in person and packed up his few belongings before heading out. He left his car opting to walk. He didn’t want to lose out on the spot he’d found and it wasn’t a terrible walk. With earbuds in and a hoodie on to ward off the slowly chilling air he made his way to the apartment.

It only took about forty minutes for him to get there. Not a terrible time for the distance, but he was happy to get inside and find his way into the familiar apartment. The place hadn’t changed much since he last lived there just a bit cleaner and with new decoration. More fashion designs pinned to the walls and fabric samples on the desk by the window. The manikin had a new pattern pinned down, her coffee table covered in different coasters that she definitely made herself, and of course the wall of photos she’d taken over the years.

“Almost thought you keeled over,” a very sweet but joking tone came from the other room, “been forever Beck!” Out came Katty, her loose curls tied up in a bun with her bright smile. Beck smiled wider and walked over to give her a hug, “shit gonna send a search party for my ass? Miss me that much Kitty Kat?” She hugged him back while giving him a pinch for the nickname snickering. “You fucking wish.”

They both sat on the couch still snickering and enjoying being back in the same space. They did the basic catch ups of how are you, how's life and all. Katty gave him shit for still living in his car and he teased her back for still being single. Their standard back and forth all with love.

“You’ll never believe it Kat but I got friends. Two, well almost three but he’s takin a while to warm up to me,” Beck said leaning back into the couch with a grin. Her eyes widened with a widening smile as she smacked his knee, “no shot! You? Mr. Lone wolf found friends! Tell me more about those poor souls.”

“There names are Darnell and Nene. Their roomie is Pico who I’m pretty sure does like my company but acts like I’m annoying. Met them on my birthday and we hung out and yknow kept hanging out.”

“So that’s were you’re bitch ass was on your birthday!”

“Aye!! Not the point! I got friends that I hang out with. More than on coincidence!”

“Fair, but you still gotta prove these guys are real before I believe you.”

Beck snorted at her and pulled out his phone, opening the camera roll to find the most recent pictures. He turned his phone to show her the picture of him, Nene and Darnell at their regular club. It wasn’t the best photo but it got the point across. Katty smiled seeing them, “ok I’ll believe you. But I still see no proof of the other guy.” Beck rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone.

He was happy to be around her again and chat it up. Even after their breakup it didn’t change their friendship much. They were still close. That’s all that really mattered to him at the end of the day. She was his best friend and he’d be damned if he fucked that up.

They continued chatting for a bit. Exchanging small stories and what projects they were working on. It was all a very comforting natural rhythm. She was still herself a very chatty and welcoming person who had lots to bring to the table.

She was also still the only person who knew his secret. The one person he trusted with that.

Chapter Text

After that day with Katty, Beck went back to his normal routine. Go to the club with Nene and Darnell, crash at theirs, pester Pico then go back to his car and work on music for his next gig. Tonight was another hang out and god was he grateful. It was getting colder at night and he was hoping to crash somewhere warm. Even debated trying to stay a couple nights to get out of the cold. He’d pay them back but he wanted out of the cold.

He packed a small bag just in case and started to head out to meet them. Tonight was just hanging out at their place since Nene didn’t want to go out in the cold. He understood the reasoning all too well and hurried off to the apartment. The overcast sky was threatening snow or at least sleet which made him even more willing to try and score a few nights inside. Even if he couldn’t he knew Katty had a couch but not always the best move to move in with your ex again.

Once he reached the building he hurried inside and jogged up the steps soaking up the warmth. He knocked on their door shifting on his feet still warming up. Nene opened the door wearing a pinky bunny hoodie with My Melodie pj pants and hugged him tight. “Hey! Was gettin worried you were gonna flake! C’mon in!” She cheered pulling him into the warm apartment. He chuckled and dropped his bag before kicking off his shoes.

Darnell was on the couch with his feet up wearing a worn white tank and grey sweats and as he assumed Pico was nowhere to be seen. There was some base thumpy music playing from the speakers and drinks were already set. He smiled wider and sat down on the chair kicking his feet up on the coffee table as Nene plopped down on the couch next to Darnell. This was their first non club hang out which he was kinda nervous about but it felt comfortable.

“So what’ve you been up to man? Killin it with the ladies or something else?” Darnell asked takin a sip from his drink. Beck snorted at his comment and shook his head, “No ladies just catchin up with my best friend Katty. What about you three? Gettin up to anything wild?” Darnell shook his head and leaned back, “Nah, just work. Nice to kick back and enjoy some time together now.”

Beck couldn’t agree more. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed just hanging out at someone’s house and catching up. It’d been since high school since he’d had friends to do stuff like this. Katty counted of course but that was also a bit different since they were a couple for a time. This was just three friends chatting and falling into a rhythm. Bouncing topics around music, clubs, tv shows, and internet drama. It was a relaxing feeling after the mild fear they wouldn’t like him outside the party scene.

After about an hour and a half a door opened and out came Pico in his usual grey sweats paired with a green hoodie. Still a rare sight for Beck but a welcome one. He waved to the ginger who did a small nod as he came to join them. He didn’t say anything but just sat in the chair to the right of Beck. It seemed like a normal thing since neither Nene nor Darnell said anything. He was still curious about the allusive ginger, their meetings were always brief and his friends didn’t say much about him. All he knew was that Pico was quiet, reclusive, jumpy, and pretty handsome. He had loose curls that went every which way, steely eyes that would piece through anyone, and his mysterious vibes helped too.

“Yo Beck? You still listenin?” Nene asked waving a hand in front of his face calling him out of his thoughts, “whatcha want for dinner pizza or Chinese?” He laughed off his momentary zoning out and hummed, “Chinese sounds baller. How much yall want for my share?” Nene just waved him off as she stood up to grab the menus. She handed him one to let him pick before calling in the order in the kitchen.

Beck looked out the windows and noticed the snow starting to flutter down. If not for the nights in his car he’d enjoy the weather. “Not a snow fan?” Pico asked, raising a brow. Beck shrugged and waved his hand side to side. “Love hate relationship. It’s beautiful until you’re stuck in it. Then it’s cold and wet and makes for hell warmin back up,” he responded. The ginger nodded looking out, “yeah I feel the same. Happy I’m inside through this time of year.” Beck hummed in agreement and a silence fell between them, only interrupted by the subtle music and Nene wrapping up the order.

The night continued on its previous pace when she returned to the group. They waited for their food chattin again about anythin that came to mind. It was really starting to feel like a cohesive friend group. Pico even started to join in the flow. Especially after the food arrived. Everyone ate and the room felt even more comfortable and full of a very welcoming atmosphere. This was definitely something to hold onto, something Beck hoped he’d never fuck up. So far he’s made two wonderful friends and was working on a third. It was making this city feel less empty after so many years.

Eventually though everyone started to settle. Food has been polished off and everyone was starting to get tired. Time has been lost to them a long time ago as the snow had stopped and the sky was dark. Nene had gone off to bed a while ago and it was just Pico, Darnell and Beck left. “Wanna crash here man? It’s like 2 am, don’t want your scrawny ass freezing out there,” Darnell offered with a chucked. Beck wrangled in the relief and nodded, “sure man, I’m gettin used to that best up couch of yours.” They both laughed as Darnell stood up, “I’ll bring you actual bedding but I’m gonna go crash. I’ll catch you in the morning.” He walked down the hall disappearing from view into his room. Now it was just Pico and Beck. It was a bit more awkward but Beck did have one routine he wanted to do before turning in.

“Hey Pico, yall got roof access? Wanted to take a smoke outside,” he looked over to the other who seemed to be a bit lost in thought. He nodded a bit and stood up, “yeah follow me.”

Chapter Text

It was quiet on the walk up to the rooftop, Pico didn’t know what to say to Beck. He’d kept his distance despite the lanky man’s constant presence in the apartment these days. He posed some kind of obstacle for Pico, almost like the universe was trying to force him out of his reclusiveness. Though it’d make more sense if it was his roommates plotting to get him out of his bedroom to make new friends. Whatever the case he wasn’t thrilled about the situation, nor was he really against it. It was just new, he didn’t know Beck so he didn’t inherently trust him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a flick of a metal lighter, a momentary panic stirring in his chest before remembering why they were outside. The cold wind nipped at him now that he wasn’t wrapped up in his own mind. In front of him making his way to the ledge was Beck, a cigarette between his lips and a slouch in his posture. He didn’t have a coat in spite of the fluttering snow, it was obvious he was cold too but yet he seemed relaxed and calm. His frosty blue eyes caught the city lights in a mesmerizing way. Something about his face made Pico’s chest tighten.

“Do I got something on my face?” Beck question yet again pulled Pico out of it as he quickly averted his eyes, fishing for his own cigarettes.

“No you just look fucking insane outside in the snow without a coat,” Pico grumbled as he lit his cigarette and took a long drag. Beck snorted at his answer and walked back, slinging an arm over his shoulder, “fair enough, though you’re not the most bundled up.” He had a point. Pico looked down at his worn hoodie with holes around the hemline and sleeves. He rolled his eyes, playing it off and ignoring the closeness of the other. Physical contact was foreign to him but for some reason he was allowing Beck to lean on him as he smoked.

It was quiet between them, like it usually was. Beck had learned with time he wasn’t big on conversations. So the other tended to opt for quiet time together when Nene and Darnell were either still fast asleep or doing food runs. It puzzled him why Beck tolerated his closed off nature and reclusiveness but the other didn’t really seem to mind. Maybe he also wasn’t big on talking. Or maybe he just was trying to be friendly. Either way it was so unfamiliar to Pico.

“Oh hey they clouds are parting,” Beck broke the silence, pointing to the part in the clouds, “there’s Orion’s Belt! Not much else is visible yet.” Pico quirked an eyebrow at the other. He’d never have guessed Beck was an astronomy guy. But the way his faded blue grey eyes looked at the stars, they were shining with such a passion he’d never seen. He quickly turned his gaze back to the ground and stuffed a hand in his hoodie pocket.

Silence filled the space between them again as Beck eventually pulled away and shivered. Pico glanced over at him carefully snubbing out his cigarette butt, “you wanna head inside or are you gonna freeze up here?” The taller man looked over and smiled and shrugged, playing off just how cold he was. His reddened cheeks and shivering frame gave it away. Pico just shook his head, a half attempt to hide the smile pulling the corners of his mouth, as he headed to open the door and head inside. Beck followed after him and relaxed a bit once the warmth hit him.

Going back downstairs to the apartment they stayed somewhat close, probably just so Beck wouldn’t get lost. “Y’know you’ve got a great smile,” Beck said with a much more sincere tone than usual, one that made Pico’s heart stutter. He could feel his ears heat up, silently thanking the cold for already making them red. He looked over at him from the corner of his eyes as he unlocked the door, “sure man. Don’t get used to it.”

But for some reason as those words left him something inside him knew he’d probably have to get used to smiling more around the other. Something about him pulled on his very soul in ways he never thought possible.

Chapter Text

Beck woke up the next day grateful to be on a warm couch inside. He rubbed the sleep out of eyes and stretched, his back popped in the process causing a groan to leave him. As much as he was grateful he was definitely not loving the couch right now. It was just a bit too small for his gangly body to fit on properly. Though he couldn’t complain too much he was getting free shelter from the storm. He just sighed and stood up to properly stretch out his back and legs.

The apartment was still quiet, he assumed everyone was still out cold since they were up late, so he just took a second to enjoy some silence. He looked out the window and frowned a bit seeing the snow had piled up over night, a problem for later him. His eyes drifted to the posters and banners on the walls. A weird collection of punk, pop, rock, metal, and rap artists littered the old brick walls. He could appreciate the taste in music, he also could definitely tell who’s was who’s for the most part. Darnell was into more punk rock and alternative as a whole so the Systems of a Down poster was definitely his. Then the Brat poster definitely was Nene’s as she often stole the aux to play her music. There were a few he couldn’t place specifically but he hoped he’d be around the lot long enough to pick out who’s was who’s.

A door opening pulled him from his thoughts as he looked down the hall. He expected to see Darnell but then again he wasn’t all too surprised to see Pico rubbing his face making his way to the kitchen. “Mornin sunshine~,” Beck teased a bit, sticking his tongue out, his piercing clicking against his teeth. Pico didn’t even look over, just tossing up a middle finger as he dug out a clean coffee mug. Beck chuckled a bit, smiling as he leaned against the couch, “what are you a ‘don’t talk to me til I’ve had my coffee’ type?” Pico just huffed and shot him a look that confirmed it. He raised his hands and dramatically stepped back, “so sorry your highness let me grant thee space.” He couldn’t contain his own giggles as the ginger rolled his eyes hard.

Pico wasn’t in his signature look this morning, his green hoodie was traded for a long sleeve shirt and his usual grey sweats were traded for black ones. Not a big change but definitely something new. Maybe he was finally warming up to him. He really hoped so honestly. There was still a mystery around him and he wanted to get a glimpse behind the scenes of who he was. Though he usually didn’t know what to say to him. He always made him feel a bit nervous about asking things for some reason. He never really knew why but for some reason today he was determined.

Pico finally made his way to his spot in the corner. He sat in the worn chair cradling the hot coffee blowing on it before sipping. Beck also took his seat on the couch, just like they were sitting when they first met. He waited for Pico to take a few long sips before he piped up, “So I’m curious. Which of these posters are yours. I got D and Nene figured out. They are pretty obvious tho if I’m gonna be honest. You tho, can’t quite place ya.” The ginger raised a brow before turning to look at the wall and hummed. It was quiet for a bit which had Beck practically falling off the couch waiting for an answer. “Kendrick, The Offspring, Tyler, and Beastie Boys. Most of ‘em are D and Nene’s,” He finally answered looking back. Not what Beck was expecting honestly but he was definitely pleased to hear his picks. He nodded as he looked over the posters mentioned.

“What a mix. Rappers and then The Offspring. Got a fav or not that crazy ‘bout music?”

“Tyler. Specifically Cherry Bomb, but I also really enjoy Igor.”

“Wouldn’t have taken you for a rap guy honestly,” Beck admitted with a smile, “but solid choices. I also fuck with Tyler heavy.” Pico nodded a bit and sipped his coffee again. The pause had Beck frown a bit internally, he’d hope the music topic would get him to talk more. Though that may just be a him thing honestly.

“What about you white boy? Besides Tyler I mean,” the question had Beck perking back up and grinning. He sat up a bit and hummed, “Doechii, Kendrick, MF Doom, Eminem, Childish Gambino, N.W.A, Megan Thee Stallion, others.” He had more but figured he’d keep himself contained for a bit. Pico just nodded and hummed along. Still not the most talkative but definitely listening. It felt big e being heard by someone again. Not that Nene and Darnell didn’t but Pico really seemed to internalize his words.

They fell into a more comfortable silence. The warmth of the apartment and slowly chipping away at befriending the illusive Pico finally was filling him with a warmth. He just smiled and settled into his seat. Beck really was starting to feel a deep sense of belonging here with them. It was the first place he’d found in a long time that felt safe.

After a bit of the silence the other two came out of their room. Nene came out last but was the first to start yapping with Beck. The rhythm of their time together was so natural and familiar. Pico fell back into his listening routine only chiming in with quips. Darnell made them food and the day went on like this was normal. This was something Beck hoped would be normal, that he could stay here with them. That someday they’d welcome him in.

But maybe that was wishful thinking.

He knew who he was.

What he was hiding.

That he was lying.

Chapter Text

Much to Beck’s surprise he’d been able to stay about a week and a half in the trio’s apartment. The first few nights he’d just prayed if he stayed long enough they’d let him crash. But after a few nights they just didn’t bat an eye when he passed out on their couch. They’d fallen into a groove pretty quickly. Pico would wake him up in the morning and they’d chat. Sometimes even go outside to the snowy winter wonderland and smoke while chatting. Nene and Darnell would join them eventually and they’d just kick back all day and chat. It was a routine all of them got familiar with quickly.

But it did have to end. He couldn’t risk them knowin he was sleeping out of his car. So at some point he did pack his shit and headed back to his beater. The warmth left his bones faster than he’d hoped but he needed to stay at his anyways. He had a gig coming up soon and needed to prepare. Two nights back in his car and he quickly remembered how much he hated winter.

He was bundled up in about three coats, two pairs of sweatpants, four pairs of socks, and his sleepin bag while trying to type on his keyboard without his fingers freezing. “Gloves. That’s the next investment,” he grumbled to himself while breathin into his cupped hands, “or one of those batteries to power a heater.” Whatever it was he decided that was a later problem. Right now he had a track to finish before tomorrow night or those warmths would be as good as gone.

The baseline thumped in his headphones as he played the track, puffs of air leavin his lips as he mumbles his lyrics along to the beat. A new song thumpin around in his head finally formin. He wasn’t sure where it’d come from but it’d hit him right before he’d left. It was exactly what he’d needed for the next show. New material always got crowds excited, and when they were they paid out better. Plus he’d need extra cash to pay back the trio for all the take out he’d mooched off of.

It was also relievin as he’d been in such a bad block for a while he was startin to worry he’d lost it. He’d written a lot when he’d first arrived in Philly and especially after meetin Katty. But after a while the material stopped comin to him. Everythin sounded the same, empty or corny. Though somethin finally seemed to click again. Maybe it was gettin out of the cold again that finally got his creative rhythm firin again. Maybe there were just great creative vibes in that apartment. He wasn’t thinkin too hard about the where or why just how to put it into reality.

A loud knock on the window ripped him clean from his thoughts as he closed his laptop quickly. Givin himself only a second to compose himself he turned ready to have to explain himself to another broody pig. He popped open the back door to talk to the officer, attemptin to look less tired than he felt. “Look man we do this weekly it’s not an illegal spot but I’ll fuck off again,” he huffed out and looked up. His heart fucking dropped seeing a bright pink jacket and a jet black brow raised. Nene had her arms crossed as she looked at him with a curious look. He suddenly felt like throwin up. How the fuck did she find him?

“Yknow, I didn’t think you’d live in such a luxury high rise,” she joked and patted the side of his car, “could’ve invited us over so your butler could bring us some shots instead of us having to pass a bottle.” She smiled at him but he still couldn’t get the words out. Up until now the only one who knew was Katty. He hadn’t thought they’d ever find out. At least not until he’d finally locked in and saved up for a shit hole of his own. It was embarrassin to say the least.

She waved her hand in front of him, “hey earth to Beck? Got brain fog from the cold or some shit?” Despite the dig there was concern in her voice. He swallowed down the nausea still present in his throat and the burning in his face. “I’m fine. Uh… how’d you uh… find me?” He asked quietly. His confidence couldn’t carry him through this one. Her face softened and she laughed gently, “call me a stalker but I was curious why you’d never invited us over so I followed you back here after you left. Thought at first you were stayin in the building next to us but saw you in here today when tryin to hunt you down.”

Ah. So they had found his leachin odd. Of course they would. He should’ve been more careful, but at the time he just couldn’t bear the idea of being out in the cold again. Well what could he do? He was found out. His first thought was to run but he didn’t have the energy at the moment. So all he could do was talk. He sighed and pushed his beanie back, “yeah… uh. Was hoping to have gotten somethin before I had ya visit. Probably shoulda mentioned my current crib is a beater.” He waited for her to make a dig at him or tell him off. Honestly he probably deserved it.

“I mean probably would’ve made good payback to invite us here after makin ya crash on that fucked up couch for so long,” she snorted, “but yeah probably could’ve told us. We woulda let you crash longer dumbass.” Beck’s eyes shot back up to her and raised a brow. “You’d let some rando homeless guy crash with you still?” He asked and sat up a bit straighter, that familiar banter between them starting to work its way back into him. She laughed again, “rando? Damn white boy give yourself some credit. We’re friends. You’re allowed to crash our pad whenever.”

Whenever huh? Did they really enjoy his shitty jokes and drunk rambles that much? Whatever he didn’t want to question it too hard, and just shook his head. “Would’ve been good to know before I turned into a popsicle out here,” he teased a bit. Nene put her hands up, “aye we didn’t know you were in a beater! But if you back that thing up and gimme a lift we can change that loser.” God that sounded better than anythin right now. He just rolled his eyes smilin and nodded for her to get in the passenger side.

He peeled the sleepin bag off himself, hissin as the warmth was replaced with the bitin Philly cold. He hurried to close the back door and make his way to the driver's side. His cold fingers fumbled to securely grip the keys as he climbed in and started it. With a couple sputters the engine came to life and the heater started blastin. He welcomed the warmth as he started to back the car out of the small alley it was tucked into.

The drive was quiet. Either Nene could tell he didn’t know what to say or was givin him time to think up what to tell the others. It was welcomed nonetheless. He didn’t have much to say about the situation. There was far too much shame and gratitude burning at his mind to really say anythin that wasn’t horrifyingly embarrassin.

It only took a couple minutes to get to the now familiar complex. Nene pointed him to their parking spot that was vacant since none of them had a car. He parked his beater, shuttin off the engine and the dread of explainin himself hit again causin him to tense up. He was suddenly very aware of how he’d been living for the last couple of years. He’d only been livin like this for a month last time someone helped him. Endin up here again after so long felt so much more shameful. Maybe spendin his savings on parting and new equipment wasn’t the move. He felt like throwin up again, maybe even cryin. God he felt pathetic.

“Hey, Beck I promise everythin is gonna be ok,” Nene’s hand rubbed his shoulder bringing him back to the moment. The cold settled in again as he looked over at her, quickly rubbin at his eyes before tears could even attempt to fall. “Fuck that’s embarrassin. Sorry the cold may be freezin my coolness,” he joked, divertin the conversation. She laughed a bit and punched his shoulder gently, “sure white boy. Grab your stuff so you can unthaw that white boy cocky attitude inside.”

As she got out he let out a sigh of relief that she didn’t push it. He got out himself and opened the back to gather his shit. She snagged some of the stray stuff swattin him away from taking it saying she wanted to snoop for funsies. He let out a snort and locked up his car before followin her upstairs to the apartment he was realizin he missed a lot these last few days.

She pushed open the door and smiled widely, “I caught the white boy! He’s movin in!” She set what she’d carried up down on the already cluttered dining table. Darnell looked up, a brief questionin look flashed across his face before it was replaced with his usual smile. “Oh yeah? What your place not lively enough?” He asked standing up to help grab stuff. “Sure you can say that,” Beck snorted.

The warmth of the apartment felt so good he thought he’d cry but he had enough embarrassment runnin through him right now. “Nene offered to let me crash after finding out I was uh… livin in my car,” his voice involuntarily dropped at the end despite him trying to shrug it off, “so as long as yall don’t get sick of my shit your local couch hog is back.”

There was a pause in Darnell’s movements as he looked back to him and raised both brows in concern. If he could've, Beck would’ve imploded on the spot. He just looked away rubbin his neck tryin to laugh it off. Though it was half hearted and lacked his usual gusto. Neither Danell or Nene said anythin, just helped get his stuff situated in the living room and gave him space. He focused on strippin his extra hoodies and sweats to not overheat now that he was finally in the warm apartment again. He didn’t trust himself to say a whole hell of a lot right now. He felt too vulnerable to be able to quip his way outta this. Honestly he just wanted a space to breathe, maybe break into a new pack of cigs to take the edge off.

“Yo, the couch sucks. You can temporarily crash in my bed til we figure out a new place for you to snore,” Pico said from the hall, his head noddin back down it, “cmon. I’ll show you what you can and can’t fuck with.” Shock hit him first givin him a pause from his minor spiral. Pico had always been cagey about his personal space so this was completely out of left field. But he didn’t wait and hurried down the hall with his backpack.

The ginger walked to the end of the hall and opened the last door on the left. His room was dark and smelled thickly of cigarettes and his deodorant. There wasn’t much in the way of decorations, just a few pictures and some graffiti tags. A desk had some scattered notebooks and pens, while his nightstand had an ashtray, some med bottles, and an alarm clock that looked as if it had been spiked against the brick wall a few times. It wasn’t the cleanest in the way of clothes still being scattered around but it wasn’t as disastrous as Nene’s neon pink room.

“Sorry if I’d known I woulda picked up a bit,” Pico grumbled as he quickly snagged clothes from the floor, “but uh. Figured you’d want a place to breathe away from. Everyone.” The ginger quickly tossed the clothes at the hamper and stood a bit awkwardly by the foot of the bed. Beck stood just as awkwardly on the other side of the room by the door just nodding, “thanks… I do need a sec. Sorry for takin up your space man, I know it’s sacred to ya.” He carefully set his bag down and moved to hug himself a bit tryin to soothe his own nerves.

“Don’t worry bout it. I get the feelin of not wanting to be seen after shit happens. As long as you don’t go snoopin I got no issues with lettin you stay in here,” Pico said and started to walk to the door. Relief hit Beck like a truck that he understood and trusted him enough to let him into his hidey hole. He murmured another quiet thank you as Pico started out the door. He just nodded and closed it behind him.

The quiet gave him the space he needed to sort himself out. By that it meant lettin his body crumble down to the floor as he took a few shaky breaths. It’d been a minute since he’d let his persona drop and right now he needed the moment to let out the embarrassment. A few tears slipped from his eyes as he took a deep breath. Logically he knew they didn’t judge him for livin in his car, but it didn’t stop the embarrassment. He’d hoped to show them a much more put together version of himself. The one he’d been buildin up and showin off. Even if it was a lie in most aspects. He’d hoped to get there before they’d found out. He just wanted to be cool enough to keep runnin with em. He didn’t want them to pity him or think of him as just some loser that wasn’t worth their time.

He lit up a cigarette and took a few deep puffs, the burn in his lungs was welcome. He owed them a lot already but this was a level of generosity he didn’t know what to do with. They’ve only known him for a couple of months. Lettin him stay without even needin to ask was insane. But he knew deep down he was far to selfish to turn down the offer. He’d have to pay them back somehow. They probably had no idea how much this meant to him.

A good ten or fifteen minutes passed, he wasn’t keepin track. He groaned and dug his palms into his eyes to try and stop the lingering tears. “Fuck dude pull it together. They clearly don’t hate your dumbass,” he mumbled before blinkin away the blurry vision. Enough of his own pity party, he’d worried them enough. He turned to his bag and dug into it until he grabbed a small travel bag and pulled out some cash from it. Probably not enough for rent but if all went well he had more comin Friday. He pulled himself back up to his feet and gently smacked his face a bit to try and calm himself down more. He knew he looked like shit but they’d seen him hungover.

He opened the door back to the hallway to face them. They were talkin quietly in the livin room, loud enough he could tell it was about him. He put his best face on and walked down the hallway to them. “Damn my ears have been burnin, yall yap that much bout lil ol me?” He joked, his usual confidence seeping back into his behavior. The trio turned to look at him. Before he could say anythin more Darnell dragged him onto the couch with them and hugged him hard. “Damn dumbass tell us next time you're in a tight spot so you don’t freeze,” he chastised as he locked him in a headlock. His hair gettin fucked to hell by Darnell giving him a playful noogy. Beck yelled in protest laughin and swattin at him, “ok! ok! Noted man!” He was released and he quickly tried to tame his hair.

They all had their eyes on him, rangin expressions. Darnell looked the most worried like an older brother. Nene still had worry but had more relief than when she’d found him. Pico however was still just as unreadable, though there was a bit of relief in his eyes as well. Beck fought back his demons to scamper back to the ginger’s room and never return. He instead stuffed his hand in his pocket and pulled out the money, “I ain’t gonna freeload if I’m stayin. I uh… should have more by Friday to help cover expenses.” Darnell looked at the cash and took it carefully. He just pocketed it and shook his head. “Man you don’t gotta worry too much but it’s appreciated. For now you just gotta warm up and chill. We’ll dish out house rules and chores in a few days,” he said and rubbed Beck’s shoulder, “only rule is don’t fuck up Pico’s shit for now.” Beck snorted and nodded.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Maybe this was a lucky streak. Maybe it was just fate. But whatever it was he definitely didn’t want to lose this.

Chapter Text

Pico woke up the next morning and groaned, feeling something digging into his back. “How the hell did Beck sleep on this damn thing for two weeks,” Pico grumbled to himself as he sat up. He rubbed out some aches in his back. Beck really must’ve been desperate to have slept on their fucked up couch that long. He’d thug it out for a few days but he hoped Darnell had a plan already cause he wouldn’t last long.

He finally sat up and started to pop his back groaning again. Coffee was a must after that sleep, so he made his way to the kitchen to start. Instinctually he only grabbed two extra mugs and set them down, though after a pause he grabbed a third. Beck living here would be new to his routine. He’d already adjusted for the nights he slept over but he’d still have to remember he was staying now long term. It wasn’t a bad thing, just new and honestly stirred something in his chest that he just ignored. Maybe this was his chance to try and figure out Beck.

The coffee maker whirred alive as it started to make a batch of coffee. The snow outside had calmed down over the last few days, but it had left a thick white blanket of snow on the ground. Philly in winter was no joke, biting city winds mixed with icy roads made it a nightmarish landscape. It was still better than the city he grew up in. Those winters being devastatingly cold and relentless in winter storms that only allowed a foot of visibility. They all sucked though. He hated winter. As the coffee finished he got comfy back on the couch, he pulled out his phone to mindlessly scroll some random apps until someone else woke up.

The wait wasn’t long before there was a shuffle from the hall. Pico looked back and had to stifle a laugh. Beck was shuffling out of his room bundled in one of Pico’s blankets. He had never seen the other look so zombie like, seemed like his assumption that a good rest in bed would be good for him. Beck just plopped down in his usual spot and curled into a ball lookin like he was barely awake. “Rose and shine. Looks like the bed did wonders for you,” Pico commented takin a sip from his coffee. Beck just hummed tiredly, digging his palms into his eyes in a half hearted attempt to wake up.

He looked completely different than usual. A lot less cocky and loud, more cute and gentle. His blue hair was all over the place and his steely grey eyes were hazy with sleep. He was staring wasn’t he. Fun. Terrible. He looked back to his coffee and took another sip trying to not explode on the spot from embarrassment. Beck had some kind of weird effect on him he was still grappling with. Probably just Beck being new and the fact that he was a horrific shut in unless he was at work. Which. Didn’t involve people. So. Beck was the first person he’d had a real conversation with outside of Nene and Darnell in like. Years.

“Mmm can I have coffee? Like. A big one?” Beck asked, his voice was gravely and heavy with sleep. Pico just nodded and got up. He’d already made enough for all of them, he’d accidentally gotten in the habit after Beck started crashing their place more frequently. He finished filling the mug and handed it off to the blanket cocoon Beck was hiding in. He sipped on it and sighed out a quiet thank you. Pico hummed in response and took up his seat again.

It was a good bit of silence before Beck set his mug down and smiled. “Sorry I can be a heavy sleeper. The coffee definitely helps,” he smiled, his usual spark back, “definitely nice tho to have a bed again after everything.”

Pico nodded and smiled a bit, “yeah I assumed it’d be good. Not sleep zombie good but I’m glad it was.” Beck snorted and nodded. He finally dropped the blanket he’s wrapped himself up in and stretched, a few pops came from his back.

“If you don’t mind… could I take up your room for a bit longer? I got some stuff I gotta get done for uh… work tonight. I meant to finish it yesterday,” Beck asked and seemed a bit nervous about it. Pico shrugged and waved, “sure. D and I are gonna talk about where to get you set up.” Beck got up, nodded saying another quick thank you before bringing the blanket and coffee with him.

There was another lull in the movement for a good bit. Pico did enjoy the temporary silence that would come through the house. But yet again like clockwork someone woke up and made their way to the living room. Darnell grabbed his coffee and sat down crossing his legs. He nodded to the ginger and took his first sip, “how’d the couch treat ya? As bad as it used to be?” Pico nodded and sighed, “still busted as hell. Is the plan still to just get a pull out or futon? Cause I ain’t sleepin on this fucked up thing again.” Darnell laughed and nodded again. He took another drink from his coffee and leaned back, “yeah Nene said she found one on marketplace for us to check out. We’ll probably snag Beck’s car to check it out so you can have your creature cave back.”

Pico rolled his eyes at him and swatted him away. This was the normal routine he loved. The back and forth with D and figuring out their days. It was the peace he’d hoped for after everything he’d been through. His two best friends living together and a place of their own. Now he did have the curveball of a new guy but things were bound to change. Just hopefully for the better.

Chapter Text

Beck had spent most of the day cooped up in Pico’s room workin on his tracks for tonight. He’d barely finished them before he needed to leave. He downloaded them onto the shared drive and quickly got up to get ready. It was about 6:45 and he went on around 8. It wasn’t a lot of time to get ready and get to the club but he’d had to make do. He mainly focused on puttin on new clothes and makin sure his hair wasn’t totally fucked. He could worry about other details when he was there.

He grabbed his worn out jacket from his bag and threw it on before hurryin out of the room. There was also a small window for him to slip out without questions from the others. They were out grabbin his bed. Beck grabbed a notepad and quickly wrote down on it that he’d be back late from work before pullin on his beat up DCs, just tuckin the laces into the shoes. Then he was out of the apartment with his hood up and earbuds in to have the new tracks bumpin in his ears.

It had been a few weeks since his last gig and the nerves were definitely hittin him harder than usual. It very well could be in part because he just moved into the trio’s place and had a moment. But he also now really couldn’t afford to fuck this up. Snow crunched under his feet as he hurried down the streets of Philly. The snow a muddied color from the filth that coated the concrete jungle he called home. The cold started to bite at his nose and cheeks, seepin through the jacket. Honestly a nice distraction from how nervous he felt.

The walk felt years longer than it was though. Eventually he was in the alley next to the club he’d been frequentin since he heard about these gigs. He slid in the back door, a thick warmth hit him. The place reeked of alcohol, cigarettes, and weed. It was a welcomed familiarity at this point for Beck. The security in the back just waved to him as he made his way to the green room where he tossed his jacket and took a seat in front of the mirror to finish cleaning up.

“You’re pushin time more than usual B,” a gruff older voice said from the door. Beck looked behind him through the mirror as he did some minor eyeliner. “Oh yeah, crashin a bit further away these days. But as always I’m here,” he responded. The man behind him nodded and hummed. Ricky was the owner of this place and had told Beck about the shows. He was a pretty built guy, some old tattoos adorned his arms and bald head. On first meetins he was pretty intimidatin, but really he was a cool guy.

Beck focused back on his eyeliner, he used his knuckle to smudge out the bottom bit more before callin it good. He stood up fixin his t shirt and chains, he had a reputation to uphold after all. Couldn’t be lookin sloppy for fans. “You really got one look huh?” Ricky poked at him as Beck turned around. He lazily grinned throwin up his cocky attitude again, “shit it works don’t it? I’ll change it up when the girls stop screamin for me.” Ricky rolled his eyes laughing at his sudden switch up.

He just waved him out of the room lettin him know he had 15 to show. Beck followed after to the bar, he took a seat at the end closest to the back stage entrance. He ordered his usual pre show shot to help him loosen up, his tried and true pregame ritual. Some of the regulars waved to him and came up to chat. Most places he was another nobody wanderin the streets of the city, but here he was a local celebrity. Everyone who’d stuck around knew him well and he’d made a point to remember their faces. He tossed back his shot once it was given to him, the warm burn sparked its usual fire in him. Any anxious nerves melting away as it settled in his stomach. This was his element and he was gonna remind everyone it was.

“Alright everyone! It’s that time! The rap battles that you all know n love!” The dj on the stage announced as the crowd cheered, “let me introduce our competitors for this show!” The crowd started to bus with excitement, Beck slipped backstage and took his usual spot and shook out any remainin tension in his bones. “First up! A returning face to our scene… Evan!!” The dj called and another familiar face walked up on stage, his brown hair fluffed up and baggy jeans barely held up by a belt swayin. The crowd cheered and screamed as he did his walk around wavin before goin to get his mic. “And our other is a face I know you all have grown to love! Give it up for BF!!”

Beck took a deep breath before strollin up onto the stage. He kept his lazy smile and waved as the crowd screamed again chantin his stage name. The buz of the crowd filled every fiber of his being. He blew a kiss to some girls in the front causin another loud eruption of screams. He chuckled and took his mic smilin a bit wider, “let’s hear ya Funkin Club!” The crowd responded as if it was second nature. This was where he belonged. On stage callin to a crowd and performin his music.

He walked to his side after high fivin his opponent. The dj laid out the rules that he knew by heart. The crowd decided who won at the end and they each had three songs to prove their place here. Winner took home the cash prize of $800 and their photo on the wall. Beck was more ready than ever. He now had more of a reason to win than just to get plastered. “Let’s get this started!!”

The first track Beck made played and like nothin he slipped into the song. After years of playin this club he knew the crowd’s taste in music and how to play the stage. He bounced around lettin lyrics flow fast from his lips. Each base thump echoed through his body, numbin any doubt he had. Even with the lack of practice time it was like he’d been performin each song for years. He crouched down closer to the stage as he hit the chorus and did some crowd work to bring them further into his song. People reached out and danced along, each interaction filling his ego more and more. Even as the track game to its end people were still makin noise for him. It was intoxicatin being on a stage in front of an audience who loved him.

He took his place to the side to watch Evan and drink some water. Really he was just thinkin of his next songs and the way his bones rattled from the subwoofers rattlin out the heavy bass in each song. It reminded him why’d he’d done everything he had. That all the cold nights in his car and the late nights trying to make the best songs were for this. The thrill of performin and makin music for people to enjoy. It made it all worth it. All the awkward first shows, the struggle meals, the parkin tickets, they all lead to this.

The next few songs went even better than he’d hoped. He’d jumped around the stage and gotten the crowd to call and response choruses he’d written. He held his ground despite Evan bringing great music of his own. He kept energy up and kept the momentum going through his last two tracks. He played the front crowd with high fives and winks. This was his domain and his stage even on his worst days.

The end results did have his anxiety flarin again, though it wasn’t needed. He knew he had the advantage here, becoming the regular’s favorite. His performances usually ended with a win these days. Tonight was no different. The crowd erupted, nearly shaking the building on its foundation when the DJ announced his win streak. He basked in the praise and applause as he bowed dramatically and blew some kisses to the crowd. “Damn yall know how to treat a white boy! Thanks again for another great show! As always I’ll return next time to defend my title!”

He exited the stage with Evan congratulatin him as they headed into the back. “You’re fuckin unstoppable man,” Evan laughed slingin an arm over Beck’s shoulders. Beck laughed as well smilin, “shit man I’m just that guy. You keep me on my toes tho. Can’t get lazy with you always givin them new beats!” Their on stage rivalry was just that. They’d been at this for a year now and had become quite close after a while. Evan had helped him when he was still struggling to keep up with the scene and he really owed the man for his success.

“You stickin around for the party like usual?” He asked as Beck collected his prize money. Beck shook his head as he pocketed the cash and stretched his arms over his head. “Nah, gotta get home before my roomies lock me out. New place they ain’t used to my late nights yet,” he said as he started pullin his coat. Evan pouted at him and threw an arm over his head playfully, “fineee guess I’ll take the load of kissin all the hot people for you and drink all your free shots. Sigh what a burden on me.” Beck snorted and gently punched his shoulder, “yeah don’t end up too plastered to get home loser. I’ll see ya later!” Evan waved him off as Beck went back to the cold.

The walk home felt much shorter than to the club. Darkness had taken the streets and brought with it the city’s glow. It was beautiful in its own way despite bein all man made. The buz of the city was comfortin, it dulled the ringin in his ears and noise in his head. It was home for sure. He just hadn’t found his forever spot to call home in this entangled mess of streets.

He hurried up the steps to the apartment to escape the cold and leave behind the outside. The quiet bein less familiar in his day to day but the warmth was enough to have him not second guess his decisions. Once at the door he tried the handle and was relieved it was unlocked for him. Inside was Darnell, Nene, and Pico seemingly worn out as they laid on the new pull out. “Damn did yall go clubbin or somethin without me. Ya look beat,” he commented as he locked the door behind him and kicked off his shoes. Darnell waved, “nah this fuckin couch sucked gettin upstairs. Then sucked more gettin set up.” Beck just nodded as he stripped off his coat and hung it up next to theirs. He made his way over and sat down by them.

Nene raised her brow at him, “did you go clubbin without us?” He shook his head and quickly dug his cash out. “Nah work stuff. Here’s some money for rent. Not sure if this’ll cover my share of the costs but I’ll get paid again n a couple weeks,” he said holding out the prize money. Nene arched her brow more and took the cash countin it. Her eyes widened a bit and looked back, “uh yeah man this is like. Double what you’d owe.” He smiled and leaned back, “thank god. Keep it all as payback for the take out n crashin here before.”

She nodded and got up to put up the money. No one pried further though it was obvious there was some curiosity as to what the hell he did to come home with that much in cash. He’d explain eventually he just didn’t want to have them judge him or worse tell him that it wouldn’t be enough insurance that he’d be able to pay his share. Right now he was crashin from the adrenaline and was ready to sleep. Less excited to test the bed but still ready to sleep hard again.

Chapter Text

As the days went on a new routine was formed. Beck got his fold out bed in the living room, which was indeed better than the old couch. The four of them shared the work load around the small apartment while also quietly learning each other's work routines. Darnell and Nene worked early mornings weekdays, both usually returning mid afternoon. Sometimes though Pico would join them for night shifts, his schedule was much more sporadic, only seemingly showing up as needed. Then Beck seemed to only work Friday nights, sometimes the rest of the weekend but also sparingly.

However pico didn’t pry. He kept his secrets about their work life and wasn’t about to lead a conversation to explain it. He was sure it’d eventually get brought up, in which Nene and Darnell could explain that they worked as hands for hire. Nothing really illegal but they’d had some questionable jobs. Cleaning up sites or helping keep watch. Nene and Darnell had normal jobs in retail as well to maintain consistent income. But with Beck around bringing home a good chunk of money every week or so it definitely helped those two relax.

Pico had tried to work a normal job once. It didn’t go well, his people skills were poor and it was made worse by him being on edge constantly in public. The line was drawn when he knocked his manager on their ass because he got startled. Since then he’d been the homebody unless they needed to take a job to supplement their money. He hated feeling useless in that way but he couldn’t really think of a solid work around until he got real professional help. His paranoia and ptsd really made normal things that much harder. But he’d learned to live with it, taking on more of the household chores to ease the others' stress.

Which was his plan for today, a big overhaul on cleaning while the snow came down outside. Everyone was out for one reason or another this morning so he could take advantage of the time. He’d really fallen behind in the main living space since Beck moved in. But today he was just gonna rip off the bandaid and catch up. He pushed his hair back with a zigzag headband, put on some old tattered clothes he didn’t care if they got messed up from cleanin supplies, threw in some earbuds, and started out to the living area.

The space wasn’t in shambles but it definitely needed a deep clean. He went under the kitchen sink and pulled out the supplies he needed. Routine kicked in from there, scrubbin the counters and floors, cleaning out the fridge, taking trash to the door for later and just falling into a calm state. The music thumpin in his ears helped keep him moving as he worked. This was honestly a calmin thing for him, simply cleanin helped keep him sane when he was alone and no one was home.

He moved to their dining space which was probably the worst. Coats, bags, trash, and miscellaneous shit was just tossed around. He started with organizin everythin and keeping his momentum. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it looked so it took less time than expected. Only a few songs and some scrubbin he was off to the livin room turned partial bedroom. That brought him to a pause as Beck’s stuff now occupied the space. Despite how he may present himself the space was clean. All of his stuff, which wasn’t a lot, was tucked away in a few bags in the corner. The fold out neatly made and honestly it didn’t even look like it needed cleaned. Which it did throw a wrench in his plan but it also was appreciated.

“Yo, you good?” A voice ripped him from his thoughts as he whipped around holdin up the cleanin spray like a gun. The blue haired man raised his hands and smiled, “just me! Don’t shoot.” Pico dropped his arms back to his sides and heaved a sigh. It really was a miracle Beck hadn’t been clocked by him yet. However he seemed unfazed as he put some groceries on the counter and started to unload his haul.

“You need a bell or something pendejo,” Pico grumbled as he followed him into the kitchen to put his cleaning stuff up. Beck snorted and shrugged, “yeah maybe. You also had music blastin man so I think the bell would still be drowned out.” Pico just huffed and punched his shoulder gently. Despite him bein new still Beck had some level of a calming presence on him. It was just easy to relax when he was around, which still managed to make him nervous for some reason.

Beck finished puttin stuff away and stretched his back out makin a small grunt. “So need any help cleanin? Or did ya finish while I was out?” He finally asked, leanin his weight against the kitchen counter. Pico snapped out of his thoughts again and looked away from the other choosin to ignore the weird flutter in his stomach. “Nah already finished. You keep the livin room clean so I don’t gotta worry. Probably was just gonna relax for the rest of the day til D and Nene get back,” he answered lookin back at the other. Beck nodded and pushed off the counter headin to the couch, “well if you’d like company I’ll be here.” He hopped onto the couch and pulled out his laptop and headphones. Pico debated it for a second before deciding to join him for a bit. Couldn’t hurt to get out of his cave every so often.

He took his seat on one of the chairs and cozied up so he could relax. The ginger looked over to Beck to try and figure out what he was doin. He’d seen the other workin on his laptop a few times in the past but just never asked what he was up to. But if they were spendin time together he might as well be somewhat nosey. The screen displayed a software he wasn’t familiar with from the distant scraps of his computer science days in high school. It had a lot going on and Beck seemed to fly through nagivatin it with ease.

“It’s a music program,” the other answered his question for him, “it’s a hobby of mine I guess. Though my mixin and producin skills are still kinda lacking.” He unplugged his headphones that seemed to never leave the laptop and spun it to the other. Pico raised a brow as he sat forward to press play, “I never would’ve taken you for a producer type. But I’m not super surprised with how much you love music.”

Pico pressed play and the track started. It was definitely still a rough idea, some beats just slightly off or sounds not quite in theme with the energizing track. But all in all it was definitely shapin up to be a good song. Beck seemed to get a bit antsy with the lack of commentary but didn’t say anything. It was a nice break from his usual confidence. It helped bring the guy further down to earth. “I like it. It’s a bit obvious it’s still a work in progress but yknow you’ve got somethin good goin for you,” he finally spoke up lookin over to him fully. Beck seemed to let out a breath of relief and smiled widely, “I’m glad you think so. You’re only the second person to ever hear my work before it’s done.” He took his laptop back and started to move some things around. Pico was honestly flattered by the fact the other trusted him enough to show him. Beck was pretty private and to get to see some vulnerability was nice.

Though it also made that flutter in his chest come back again. That strange yearning for more that he didn’t quite know what to do with.

Chapter Text

It was painfully cold today, the worn thin winter coat barely keeping in any warmth. Philly had been coated in a thick layer of snow. The plows had been struggling to keep up with how much seemed to keep coming. But despite the warnings and cold it didn’t deter Beck from pushing through the deep snow. It’d been a bit again since he’d visited Katty and well, he wanted to consult her on stuff.

He’d been going through a range of emotions he didn’t know how to navigate and usually she could sort his madness out with him. He hated admitting he was pretty emotionally inept in a lot of ways, specifically when it came to deeper feelings. He’d only recently been out of survival mode so he’s lost again trying to not just shove everything down and pretend his issues don’t exist. Plus he knew damn well Katty would smack some sense into him if he asked. Though he also knew he needed to figure this shit out on his own at some point just right now some help felt like a necessity.

He eventually got to the building Katty lived in, which to his dismay was notably farther than it used to be from where he was living. But as usual the warmth washed away his complaints. He hurried up the stairs to her place, waving to some of the familiar residents from his previous time living here. The door he’d been waiting to see finally came into view, a bit more pep in his step as he warmed up. He knocked a quick rhythm against the wood and waited with his hands in his pockets.

There was a shuffle behind the door before she opened it. She was a bit less dolled up than usual, her dark coils thrown messily into a bun, a baggy hoodie and matching sweats instead of her usual extravagant clothing choices, she definitely was out of her usual routine. Katty smiled at him and enveloped him in a tight hug. “Hey man! Glad you survived the cold to get here,” she said before pulling him in. This time the apartment was a bit messier than before. It was obvious she had a major project for school coming up. Fabric was thrown across the chairs and her work table, designs were pinned to the wall as well as patterns, it was the messiest it had ever been to Beck's knowledge.

“Sorry bout the mess, I’ve got a gallery thesis presentation soon so I’ve been cramming a couple surprise looks,” she explained as she moved her sewing bag from Beck’s usual spot on the couch. He shrugged and waved her off, “Kit Kat you forget I lived with you, I don’t mind your projects.” He kicked off her shoes and coat making his way to his usual spot. She nodded and pulled up a blanket to cover with, “so what’s eatin you? Your text mentioned your emotional constipation was actin up again.”

He sighed and laughed a bit with how quick she was to cut to the chase. “Yeah, dunno really how to break it down, but just feelin things since movin in with the gang and I’ve been strugglin to lay it all out,” he started as he laid back on the couch, “like. I feel like, bad sometimes for movin in but also like maybe I had like manipulated it to happenin? I did crash there for like a whole week before they finally busted my ass.” The words felt stiff and awkward as usual. He wasn’t great at articulating his own inner emotions and it didn’t help that it always sounded so obvious out loud. Katty however didn’t seem phased in the slightest.

“Did you manipulate them? Or did they just see the state you were in and offer you a space to get your shit together?” The bluntness was what he needed but it always caught him off guard.

“Second one. And like, logically I know that. I don’t know. ‘M tryin to help out more round the place by either covering groceries or like extra money for rent.”

“You feel guilty for being sheltered and welcomed into a place again. You did the same thing when we lived together. Cause you know you could’ve just got yourself a place but let yourself live like that.”

Ouch. He visibly grimaced at that and frowned. She was right, of course. He just hated hearing it out loud. His behavior was fallin into a pattern of having kindness then wiggin out and over compensating feeling guilty. Cause he really could’ve found a place of his own but never had the motivation to do that for himself. Or maybe he just didn’t care that much about his own well being. Either or it still lead to the guilt when it became more obvious that he could’ve but didn’t.

Katty put a hand on his knee and rubbed her thumb over it, “breathe man. Don’t self-destruct like last time. These guys seem like good people and like they really enjoy havin you around. Though I’m also not sayin your feelings are invalid, but don’t let them eat you alive.”

“Yeah I know, you are right. As usual Kitty Kat,” he received a playful smack for the nickname, “fuck I need to learn how to feel things more easily. It’s like all or nothin most of the time.”

“Yeah I know. But you’re better than when we were together. Back then you literally moved out on a random Tuesday because you let it devour you despite me tryin to tell you it was fine,” she said leaning back again.

He hurried his face in his hands and groaned, “yeah sorry again. I’m tryin to not but them through my impulsive and destructive tendencies. Hence askin to talk.”

“I know I’m proud of you. They must mean a lot to you,” a warm smile graced her face helping lighten the mood. He laughed quietly and smiled as well. They did mean a lot to him, they’d been great for him and amazing friends. He loved Kat but she was always so busy with school, they had more time to go out and hang with him.

“Thanks Kat. You gotta meet them once this all calms down,” he gestured to the room, “you’d love D specifically. He matches your alt style and tastes pretty well.”

“You’ve mentioned it so I’ll take your word on it and let ya know as soon as this all wraps up,” she agreed and released further into the couch.

Some quiet settled, givin Beck some time to collect himself a bit more. He did feel better gettin it out but he could tell the feelins hadn’t just vanished. There’d be some lingering issues until he could figure out a healthy way to get them out. But improvements were made and that’s all he cared about. He knew Katty couldn’t solve his problems for him but she definitely helped clean out the extra noise in his head. It was great to let his mind quiet down after the constant noise that’d started buzzing louder.

“Sooooo, you got anyone you’re interested in,” Katty asked with a smirk pullin Beck back to the living-room.

“KAT!”

And there they were, back at their usual friendly conversation and banter.