Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I’ve had a rough day.

Don’t get me wrong, my life’s totally way better than it was before, and I’m so, so grateful for those who’ve helped me get to where I am today!

It’s just-

Sometimes, it can be hard to adapt.

Today is one of those times.

I bury my face into the pillow and let out a deep, deep sigh.

That’s it.

I’m sleeping like this.

I don’t care anymore.

That was, until my phone’s alarm went off.

It’s Wednesday!

My eyes shoot open and my hand darts into my pocket.

I can feel excitement jolt through my body as I tap away at my phone.

Quickly, I pull up Youtube, open the stream and flip my phone sideways onto my pillow.

Resting my head on my elbows, I can’t help but let my feet kick back and forth in the air as I watch the countdown tick down.

15…

14…

13…

12…

11…

10…

9…

8…

7…

6…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

«Nya nya~! Hiii guys~, how’s everyone doing tonight? I hope you’re all doing alright… I can’t have my munchkins being all gloomy and hurt! Make sure to drink water everyone! Stay healthy for me, will you?»

Kiryuu Mashiro.

My oshi, the light of my life, my raison d’être,

She’s cute, pretty, talented…

So many things, and each and every one of them, perfect.

She’s like the complete opposite of me.

Or, really more like everything I wish I could be.

I wonder who she is behind that screen…

What’d it’d be like to talk to her in person…

I imagine she’s stunningly gorgeous at least…

«Sooooo~, today we’ll be playing this little game that got recommended to me by a viewer! Check it out, it’s cal-»

I am quickly snapped out of my trance as I hear the bedroom door behind me click open.

Managing to shove my phone down under my pillow, I bury my face in the space it once occupied.

“Yo Aubrey! You awake?”

I try to make myself sound as exhausted as possible as I groan.

“I am now.”

“Shame, shame. How ‘bout I make it up to you with dinner?”

“Not hungry.”

“C’mon! It’s my Mom’s cooking, you can’t turn that down!”

“I can.”

Kim stands in the doorway for a few seconds before grumbling something out and shutting the door.

Immediately I pull my phone back out.

Looks like someone got her to play The Game of Sisyphus, huh?

Can’t wait to watch this through.

A chuckle escapes my lips as Mashiro, heaven sent child of clumsiness, messes up on the fourth obstacle.

Maybe today won’t be so bad.

* * *

          28th of August

I’ve won life! Riches, privilege and prestige means no more troubles for me.

          29th of August

Too hasty by far! I am planning to kill myself, and if the remainder of these pages are blank anyone who comes across this diary will know I succeeded.

Today is the worst day of my life.

As I stare down at my diary, I try to think of any way to explain or even justify such a drastic change over the course of a day.

Perhaps I should start at who I am.

Before you, I am Sunny Suzuki, failed human and clinical NEET.

But online, I am Kiryuu Mashiro, an up-and-coming independent Virtual Youtuber. 

And what does that mean exactly?

It means I get paid FAT STACKS for going online, playing games while acting like a girl and making the occasional weird/lewd noise here and there.

Or in layman’s terms, I’m set.

I had my entire life laid out before me.

Do this for half a decade or so, bail out with or without controversy and run with the money.

From there, live and eat good all the up to my inevitable, tragic and entirely avoidable death that will most certainly traumatise at least one bystander for the rest of their life.

Sounds great, right?

Little to no work, no school, no drama, stress, nothing but pure bliss.

Well, uh.

Unfortunately, I’m not really at that point yet.

Yeah, I make enough to cause some lonely, depressed, burnt out salary man to kill himself on the spot but it’s still not enough to buy a house or something.

Which means I still live with my mom.

And like the absolute fossil she is, she insists that useless bullshit like “a basic education” and “work experience” are essential to life and that I can’t leech off middle aged, horny men online forever.

I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that about my mom, but anyways, you get the point.

So uh.

Now I’m being forced to go to school.

Turns out my mom had this plan in the works since the start of summer.

Usually, I wouldn’t have a problem with school.

It’s just that I have a problem with school.

Firstly, I don’t need to do it and it’s wasting my valuable time that I could be spending making crusty old men splurge and goon.

Secondly,

Well.

Uh.

See, here’s the thing.

I haven’t really grown much since a little something happened.

Which means I look and sound like I’m about, what, twelve?

Helps a lot when I’m trying to sound like a girl, but when I’m trying to be taken seriously in HIGH SCHOOL, not so much.

Thus, the consensus is:

I’m cooked.

And finally, the little cherry on top of my suffering is…

Drumroll please…

The fact I’m going to school with my opps.

You see, I used to live in this small town that’s like 15 minutes away from where I live now.

Thing is, some stuff went down back there and now I’ve got thugs on my tail.

Usually this wouldn’t be much of an issue, if it weren’t for the fact the school over there is the nearest school that’s even willing to accept me.

So yeah.

Triple cooked.

So that’s why I’m planning on painting the ceiling red tonight.

I’d rather do that now than after having publicly shamed myself in front of my opps.

And also because I’ve already suffered enough today playing that stupid Sisyphus game or whatever.

I sigh and lay my head on my table.

After moping for a bit, I crane my head up.

Staring at the screen, it’s open on OBS.

I stare at my little anime girl rig or whatever as it stares back.

And it is at that moment I am struck with a horrible, horrible idea.

To do so would be to desecrate and lie, and to be caught, complete and utter social death.

I would never.

Even if it’s the only real way to get out of it-

No!

I would never.

I wouldn’t.

Not now.

Not ever.

No.

Nope.

No.

* * *

          30th of August

It seems that I’ve been deceiving with these past entries. Not just once, but twice! Certainly, my ancestors look down upon me in shame for what I must do. If the remainder of these pages are blank, I have killed myself in humiliation.

I can’t help but stare at the mirror mortified, surprised, horrified, shocked and impressed all at once. 

Even without makeup and with minimal, about shoulder length hair, I’ve already cast away any and all masculinity from my appearance. 

I crane my head up, and only then is my Adam’s apple barely visible. 

And as for my clothes, well…

I can’t help but hide my face from the mirror in embarrassment and shame.

My sister’s old clothes fit almost perfectly.

It feels sacreligious to use what was once her garments for such a selfish purpose but…

I have little to no choice.

School starts in two days, and I only had three days of notice.

And god knows I don’t want to go outside, let alone go shopping for new clothes.

Mari had quite the wardrobe anyways, so this’ll be enough for whatever this school year can throw at me.

With a sigh, I pull off the two rubber bands I used to tie my pigtails.

Looking back into the mirror, having my hair down actually looks quite nice.

Maybe if I curled it a bit?

No-

No.

What am I thinking?

I’m just doing this out of necessity.

Same as with my job.

Though…

It couldn’t hurt to try another outfit on, could it?

Just to make sure it fits.

Or maybe just a few more…

I mean…

You can never be sure, better to be prepared, so I’ll try them all on…

Out of necessity of course…

Out of necessity…

* * *

          31st of August

My masculinity is in danger! Too much has changed much too quick! If life were to throw another curveball at me, I might as well just kill myself! If the remainder of these pages are blank anyone who comes across this diary will know what happened.

Looking at the clothes laid out before me on my bed, I pace back and forth restlessly.

I’m glad I ignored my mom’s suggestions that I get a haircut.

First, it was out of laziness, but now…

It’s for something quite a bit more sinister.

Urgh!

With each of my hands I grab a handful of my hair and shake it about in anger.

Why did my mom have to give me only three days’ notice!

I’m not ready to go to school yet!

Just because I’ve slowly started to act alive again doesn’t mean you can just lob me off the deep end and expect me to swim.

I flop onto my bed and sigh.

Huh.

My hair’s pretty silky.

Getting back up, I walk to my washroom and look into the mirror.

Even without crossdressing, I could already easily pass for a girl…

Really, it’d be harder for me to pass as a guy.

I sigh again.

At least this means there’ll hardly be a chance of me getting caught.

I guess.

I ought to sleep early tonight.

God knows I’ll need plenty of energy for tomorrow.

Just as I’m ready to slip into bed, the doorbell rings.

Maybe it’s mom?

Seeing as how I’m living in the city now, and thus, I get to see my mom wayyy more often, it’s not unlikely.

But at this hour?

It’s too early.

Though there is always the possibility she managed to get off early.

Opening the door, in front of me stands a girl, maybe around my age?

With blond, shoulder length, slightly curly hair tied into a side tail, a red tie and a greyish blue suit/uniform/whatever, she gives off a very exotic, European sort of vibe…

Maybe she got the wrong door?

“Hmph! So you must be Kiryuu Mashiro, am I wrong?”

I immediately slam the door.

I’m getting stalkers already?!?!?!

At least she’s not some creepy fat guy or something…

Soon after I closed it, the girl on the other side started banging on it and screaming things which I just can’t seem to hear correctly.

I open it again and this time, she stands slightly flushed, though with a stance just as prideful, aristocratic and smug as before.

“Don’t just slam the door on me! Have you no manners?!”

She knows me as Mashiro, right???

Um

Uh

Yeah, gotta sound like a girl

“S-sorry!”

She sighs and places her palm on her face before clearing her throat.

“Apologies for that. It must’ve been quite a shock to be referred to by your online handle in person. Anyways, I’m approaching you here today with a proposition. We here at NUMESIQUE are offering a once in a lifetime opportunity! See, we are planning to debut our own little cast of virtual idols quite like you, Mashiro, and YOU specifically have the opportunity to be the star of the debut line! You’ll get to keep your name, appearance, fanbase, schedule and everything else while our team handles all the background work. All you’ll need to do is sit there and look pretty as you rake in more money than you could even imagine! So what do you say?”

After that whole blinding tirade where she spoke with all the passion of a true believer in the middle of a run down apartment hallway, I am left just staring in shock. 

“U-uh. Are you sure this isn’t a scam?”

“Of course not! Here, take a business card. Our company is many things, with reliability being one of the biggest!”

As she places a fancy looking minimalist business card into my hand, my brain is still running at 700% capacity trying to take this all in.

“Eh… How… How did you find where I live? Actually, just, please come in first. Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, please and thank you.”

I…

I don’t actually want to make tea for her but looks like I’m short of a choice anyways.

I don’t really have any fancy tea to give so green tea bags it is…

What the hell is happening…

I look over at the sofa she is sat upon.

She has already placed her briefcase on the coffee table and from it, produced a file with a MOUNTAIN of papers within.

As I pour the hot water into the two cups, I watch as she slips a fancy looking, gold plated pen out of her breast pocket.

I soon place a cup of tea in front and across from her, where I take my seat.

It’s a plastic folding chair from IKEA, but a seat is a seat.

“So, would you like to discuss the contract further, or are you looking to-”

“A-ah. No, not for now… I’d just like to know first how you found out where I live?”

“You sent your address to us.”

“...

I did?”

“Yes. In that Email exchange you had earlier with our company. The one about a potential partnership with some of our talent. Do you recall?”

Oh my god.

I do.

I can’t fucking believe-

Jesus christ.

What the fuck is happening right now.

I COMPLETELY HALF ASSED THAT

I DIDN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AT ALL

WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY WANT TO HIRE ME WHEN HALF OF MY EMAILS TO THEM WERE FUCKING CAT MEMES

“It certainly looks like you do now. We recommend you interact with others more professionally in the future. Anyways, would you like to hear more about our offer? There’s no need for you to sign the contract now, or even today so please do take your time to consider this. It’s only typical for you to do so with a document as heavy as this.”

I nod numbly.

“Tell me more please.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know??? How any of this will work?????”

She sighs.

“You’re right. I’ve been rushing things along a bit. Allow me to start from, well, the start. I am Maria Chapdelaine, manager with NUMESIQUE. Should you sign this contract, from then on I’ll be your handler. You will also be legally bound to us as one of our talents. That is, unless these ties are to be severed under the conditions listed under this section of the contract. Feel free to read them through.”

Okay…?

Looks like the only way I’ll get out of it once I sign on is through a mutual agreement to void the contract through a “graduation” or through being terminated…

Looks fairly typical I guess?

I’ve never really read through something like this before…

It’s all so wordy…

“If you have any questions, feel free to ask.”

“Ah, um, no. Actually, I do have one question. I’ve already been doing fine on my own, so what will I gain from not being an independent?”

“Alongside the other things I stated before, we forecast an increase of growth by 218% per month and a profit increase of 331%.”

A profit increase of three times???

Hold on, let me do some mental maths.

I make, what, 30k a year right now?

Times that by three and a bit…

I’LL BE MAKING NEAR TRIPLE DIGITS?????

“Where do I sign.”

I can’t help but drool imagining all the money I’ll make…

Holy shit…

“Here, on the last page.” 

Right as I finished scrawling down my “signature”(literally just my full name in print), Maria continues on.

“There is one caveat, though. We’ve noticed you’re still a minor, so we’ll need the signature of a guardian before you may be bound by a legal document like this.”

The signature of a guardian…

My mom…

I’ll need my mom to sign this…

Which means I’ll need to tell my mom about how I’m not actually trading stocks online to make money but I’m actually just making losers in their mom’s basement horny online by acting like a girl…

No.

Fucking.

Way.

There’s no way I’ll suffer such shame just for a triple figure salary!

A triple figure salary…

I’ll be making so much…

No!

No!

Bad!

“I’m afr-”

While I may not be so inclined to make such a sacrifice, it seems fate has come to force my hand.

As my mom walks into the living room, Maria shoots up.

I can't help but melt into the plastic chair as Maria exposes everything I’ve worked so hard to hide from my mother.

Thankfully, all reservations that were visible on my mother’s face disappeared as soon as Maria mentioned the profit margins.

It seems greed runs in the family.

Sat in my uncomfy throne, I watch helplessly as my mom signs me onto the contract.

Or.

Well.

Signs onto the contract I already signed prior.

After exchanging contacts, my new handler waves us goodbye as I ponder each and every one of my life choices up until this moment.

          31st of August (Again)

Life has thrown another curveball. 

Chapter Text

          1st of September

Aha! All worries and doubts shall be dispelled with this one trick! I am called a master of disguise for a reason! Though it is but sunrise at this moment, I am sure I shall end today victorious. Should my entry later today say otherwise, I doubt any of the following pages will be filled.

After living with a clear glass eye for a period of time while my socket healed, when I got my first custom prosthetic eye, I was under the impression it’d be very costly.

I was mistaken. 

Apparently, the government would pay like seventy five percent of it, so coupled with insurance it was less than five hundred per prosthetic. 

So my mom told me to buy two, in case one got damaged.

And uh.

Being the edgelord that I was(am), I bought one custom one to match my actual eye colour and uh.

I got one that was painted light blue.

To look cool?

Maybe.

To act like someone special?

Maybe.

To cosplay?

Maybe.

To roleplay as a pure white Aryan?

Probably.

Whatever my reasoning was back then, it’ll prove extra effective for this.

See, I still kinda look like how I did before, just if I was a girl.

But that’s not good enough for me.

Anybody can crossdress, but can they magically gain heterochromia?

No.

With such a dramatic, eye-catching feature to my visage, I’m sure it’ll serve well to distract and ward away any doubts about my identity.

Anyways, I am way too tired to be doing something like this.

I should not have slept at midnight yesterday, I don’t even know why I thought that’d be a good idea knowing I’d wake up at six in the morning.

Thoroughly, I disinfect my hands before extracting the acrylic shell from the sterilised boiled water.

I remember back when I had to use that rubber extractor stick to do this.

How summer has flown by.

It’s weird having gotten used to something as life changing as losing an eye, but sometimes I genuinely forget I’ve ever lived without one.

Maybe that proves how effective prosthetics are, they’ve managed to even trick my own brain into thinking I’ve never lost it at all.

I pull my upper eyelid up and slip the shell up behind the lid.

Holding it in place, I pull the lower eyelid forward and the prosthetic slips in.

I roll my eyes around a bit.

Thankfully my eye muscles are still completely intact.

It really does look like a real eye.

Now just to wash my face.

Maybe I can get away without makeup…?

I’m really too lazy to steal my mom’s from her bathroom while she sleeps.

Hopefully today ends up okay.

* * *

Darn, I’m beat.

Even as I lay down on the bleachers, the sun’s never ending assault, well, never ends.

Damn you, sun!

Damn you!

“Kel, you probably shouldn’t be laying there, you know? It’s really dirty. That’s where people put their feet.”

“Thanks for the thought, Cris, but I’ll have you know I’m already drenched from head to toe in sweat. No dirt’s gonna bother me!”

She scoffs and rolls her eyes with a smile before giving me a light kick in the head.

“Alright pal. C’mon, get up, it’s about time to head back home.”

With a hop I get back up onto my feet.

“Hey, whaddya say we hit up the convenience store on the way back? I’d kill for a soda right about now!”

“Only if you’re paying this time. Also, none of that ‘Orange Joe’ stuff please.”

“Look, I’ll pay, but come on! No Orange Joe??? You can’t do that to me!”

“Geez Louise, what is up with you and that stuff? It’s been off the shelves for years! I’m pretty sure those cans are infested with mold or something at this point, you’re gonna revive smallpox at this rate!”

“...”

“Pout all you want, you have like fifty bucks on your tab. You owe me this at least.”

“Fiiine… Y’know what, I’ll race you! Last one there is a uh… Um… A Drake fan!... Or something… Ah, dang it, let’s just go already.”

Sprinting at full speed out of the basketball court and onto the school’s parking lot, I can only catch the early end of whatever Cris was mumbling to herself before giving chase.

The sun on my skin…

The wind on my face…

The sweat slowly creeping down my back in the most infuriating way possible…

This.

This is what life is all about.

And nobody can tell me otherwise.

Screw money, drugs and girls.

I’ve never understood any of that stuff!

Romance and all that stuff, none of it is for me, because this is my true love!

My true calling!

And there’s nothing, NOTHING that can steer me from my fate, my god given path.

Catching my breath at the convenience store, I look behind me to see absolutely nothing.

While Cris may beat me in the water, she’s nothing compared to me on land!

With a grin I saunter into the store.

Might as well get a head start while I’m here!

No point in waiting, time is money after all!

Now let’s take a looky here…

Teja tala, nope.

Stristis, literally the exact same stuff but blue…

I swear Lymon is just pure acid that burns a hole in your stomach…

Oh!

NewMexico Iced tea is good!

And cheap!

While it’s clearly worse compared to Orange Joe, it’s refreshingnessyies is nothing to scoff at!

Grabbing a can out of the freezer, I start to make my way up to the counter.

All I have left to do is to wait for Cris!

She sure is taking a while.

Just when I’m about to reach it, I feel a shy tap on the back of my shoulder.

I turn around and see a timid looking girl, just barely above my shoulder height.

Wait, she’s in one of my classes isn’t she?

I never got a good look at her face though…

She stands stiff as a board in front of me as her mouth runs at supersonic speeds trying to stammer something out.

Her face is flush red in the cheeks and her eyes…

I didn’t even know they could be two different colours!

Peeking out between the strands that make up a clump of hair covering up the right side of her face is a pale blue that’s vibrant like the wings of a butterfly, frigid like the polar winter and utterly enrapturing. 

Snapping me out of my daze is her suddenly thrusting her hands-no, some kind of object into my chest.

I catch it sliding down my body while she quickly darts away, bumping into a shelf along the way.

I can’t help but stare where she once stood as my face burns hotter than it ever has before.

I believe.

I believe I’ve just fallen in love.

* * *

          1st of September (Again)

I’ve made a severe, and continuous, lapse in my judgement.

Staring down at my diary, I can’t even fathom how to put my suffering into words.

Firstly, while the eye thing may have helped to distract from the holes in my disguise, it drew way too much attention.

And turns out, I’m not very good at social interaction at all.

Especially with women, apparently.

I think being a guy pretending to be a girl makes it even harder cause it’s weird now.

Thanks to me.

Yay.

So I’m pretty sure all the girls who approached me now think I’m some kind of anxiety ridden ticking time bomb or somebody who hasn’t talked to a fellow human in decades.

Both of which are partly true.

Oh, and, secondly, guess who was in some of my classes.

My opps.

Thankfully I managed to stay unnoticed for the entire school day, and though it’ll be hard to maintain, I only share classes with two of them in two separate classes.

So I think I can keep this up for a while at least.

Well uh.

For the other one.

Because while the school day went by with no issue on that front.

After school I visited a convenience store I used to frequent.

And uh.

I ran into one of the opps.

At first I was just going to keep my distance, but well he, uh, dropped his wallet so.

Actually no, I was going to leave it alone until I saw him walking up to the cashier and uh.

Like the idiot I am, for some reason I rushed over to pick up his wallet and hand it to him and uh.

When I confronted him, I didn’t even have the courage to push out a single word.

So I eventually just gave up and basically threw the wallet at him and ran away.

And I hit my head while running.

And he also stared at me the entire fucking time with his jaw hanging like he was in complete and utter shock.

So yeah.

I’m pretty sure he recognised me.

Which means I’m utterly cooked.

Wanna know something else that’s great?

I have first period with him tomorrow.

I don’t want to go to school.

I never did, and I want to do so even less now.

And it’s also Tuesday.

Which means I have to stream.

And work out my partnership with that company.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Screaming into my pillow barely helps.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

Why…

Why does it have to be like this everytime…

Urgh…

I’ll just change out of Mari’s clothes first before I sort everything else out.

Maybe I’ll take a shower as well.

I don’t know anymore…

* * *

Zoom, somehow, feels both professional and unprofessional at the same time.

I don’t even know why we’ve been using Zoom for this call since it’s one on one, but who cares.

Corporate policy or something.

«So, Mashiro, you got all that?»

“Huh? Oh, yeah!”

«Really…»

“Of course! I just gotta stream today and then take a break for a while!”

«No, no. You need to announce you’re going to be working under our cover during this stream. If you just disappear for a while without warning or explanation people are going to think you died or something.»

“Right…”

«Look, it’s really not that hard. Just stream as you normally would, but just make sure you announce what’s going on here during the intro or outro. You can handle that at least, right?»

“For sure.”

«Alright then, it’s almost time anyways. Oh, and, since we’re going to be partners from here on out, could I get your name?»

“Ah…”

Maria still thinks I’m a girl, so, while it might not be completely honest, I’ll give her the name I’m using at school.

“Kylie. U-um, that’s my name...”

«Cute. Now then, Kylie, here’s to a bright, prosperous and VEEERY lucrative partnership! I’m the genius, prodigy, top of the line handler here at NUMESIQUE so don’t worry, you’re in good hands from here on out. Cheers!»

She winks into her camera before taking a sip of what looks like champagne which she probably should not be drinking considering she’s like probably maybe my age but whatever, she left the call before I could comment.

Well…

I guess I should start up that stream right about now.

Stream start countdown should give me some time to troubleshoot.

So all and all, if nothing goes horribly wrong, stream should start on time.

Yayyyyy.

Time for another two or so hours of gaming while horny old men send me money attached to messages begging for my attention.

Sometimes I can’t tell if this is life or if this is hell incarnate.

Whatever.

There’s money to be made.

And you just wait till I get my hands on that 3d model Maria promised.

I’ll milk these horny fuckers dry.

* * *

I can’t exactly say I’m proud of my account balance.

Absent-mindedly, I kick off and start swinging.

The old, rusted swing set creaks with the movement.

Damn it, I skipped the first day of school just to work and I still have barely enough to scrape together a single superchat!

Mashiro really is milking me dry…

It’s okay though.

It’s worth it for that smile.

Even if it does mean I only make one hundred dollars per full day of work.

It’s all worth it.

Ah-

Planting my feet back on the ground, I quickly stop the swing.

Even quicker, I switch tabs back to youtube just as Mashiro starts talking.

«Nya nya~! Good evening everyone~! How’re all my little munchkins doing tonight»

Ayullah: peace be upon you

Professional-Scar: mashiro!!! yay!!!

Xe3G: IKZ!!!

IR3BMLG: is this just a chat stream or a gaming stream?

Suipiss: NYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYA

Penumbral: you’re the light of my tuesdays… and thursdays… and saturdays…

Potral: ikz~

moch: i’m doing great! what about you mashiro?

CYBER BABY: armpits pls

Babski: @IR3BMLG check yourself fatass it says at the bottom of your screen

LightMaya: ikz mashiros back

DA_VINKI: hi chat hi mashiro

Ok-Ad: watching this instead of working ._.

MeanForce: Kawaii Mashiro!!! Mashiro Kawaii!!!

bearhighfives: Greetings, my dear @DA_VINKI, may you be blessed with a beautiful morning, crisp and free

Foreigner: NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA

My heart skips a beat as Mashiro giggles.

«Looks like chat is extra lively tonight! How lovely~»

With zero hesitation my hands move to the superchat button.

Guess I’ll be the first to donate today!

Pinyan: hey guys

Jack-The-Riffer: it’s time to see kiryuu no kiryu in action

          Cherra US$500.00

always love you and your streams lots, thanks for all the good times Mashiro!! 🎉🎉🎉

Capinoylist: mashiro-sama!! mashiro-sama!!

kaigainiki: Hewo :3

Ayullah: Cherra, as always, quick to donate. God bless you.

MeanForce: @Capinoylist it’s Mashiro-chan!!! Mashiro-chan is a young maiden and you should respect that!!!

Kazamico: pay attention everybody, class is in session and mashiro is the teacher

IR3BMLG: @Babski fuck you cuck

Capinoylist: @MeanForce but what if i want her to dominate me??

«Oh! A superchat from Cherra, ‘Always wuv you and your stream lots, thanks for all the good times’. Wow!!! I’m nyat sure how I can thank you again for another five hundred dollar superchat, but I’ll do my best!!! Arigato gozaimasu, Cherra-san~!☆ Wuv you lots too~♡»

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

This girl cannot be good for my heart…

Just…

Too…

Damn…

Cute…

I shiver as a light breeze passes by.

Ah, it’s getting dark, huh.

I should head back to Kim and Vance’s place.

Today and all the hard work that came with it was all worth it again.

Just for that girl.

Ahhh, Mashiro.

My love.

My life.

kaigainiki: nice

moch: awww, a personal shoutout from mashiro, i’m so jealous

Suipiss: NYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYA

Xe3G: *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* 

Penumbral: so cute… almost makes me forget my suffering

Babski: @Suipiss stop spam ur annoying

          LordoftheDice US$100.00

HI Mashiro i bought two dog and named one Tilda and one Mashiro and then made them have s*x with eachother

Potral: pog

Ok-Ad:WTF

Professional-Scar: nahhhhhh no wayyy

IR3BMLG: mods ban this fuck

CYBER BABY: LMAOOOOOOOO

Xe3G: XD

Babski: wtf you freak ill kill you

Ah…

Yeah…

Maybe not everybody is as pure of a fan as me…

But I swear to god if I ever get my hands on this fuck I’ll make sure he’ll never walk again.

Who even does or says something like that???

Must be a troll.

Urgh, at least Mashiro doesn’t seem to have noticed.

Hopefully the rest of this stream can go by fine.

* * *

          1st of September (Again again)

I have been informed somebody has named a pair of dogs after I and a peer and made said dogs mate. I shall promptly be killing myself, and if the remainder of these pages are blank anyone who comes across this diary will know I succeeded.

Chapter Text

Contrary to popular belief, terminally online people are allowed to have normal, or even, healthy sleep schedules.

I am not one of those people. 

Either I wake up too early, late and really really tired or I don’t wake up at all.

Today, it is the former.

Which is why I’m at school early.

Woke up at six in the morning, fifteen minutes to wash my face, do up my hair and all that. 

Half an hour of rotting and braindead scrolling, fifteen minute drive to the school and I’m here an hour before school starts.

Do you know what liminal spaces are?

Actually.

I don’t know why I’m asking.

If you’re here, you’re terminally online enough to be very familiar with the topic.

I think this was the first time I really ever understood the feeling behind it.

There’s something unnerving about a space that seems like it should be full being empty.

So yeah, that’s why I’ll be making my very own backrooms creepypasta.

I’m sure it’ll be a massive hit and definitely won’t flop like the other gazillion backrooms content.

I guess I’ll just wait at my desk for now. 

I really hope none of my classes change location.

Why?

Well because I am forever shaken by the very traumatic experience of having sat in the old classroom of one of my classes for a solid half an hour or so before realising and having to publicly excuse myself.

Such shame shall never leave me.

But I shan't let it follow me from elementary school all the way up until high school.

I’ve changed.

I’m stronger, faster, smarter and also more feminine?

Yeah I’m uh.

I’m not exactly sure how my life ended up on this track, but I’m not bad at it and I’m making a livable salary at sixteen years of age so…

No tears shed here.

Anyways, I’ve basically got the best seat in the class.

The window seat in the back is always the best for slacking.

I did promise myself earlier that I’d lock in for this year but…

I really don’t care.

I mean, hey, I’m already getting paid more than the people teaching me.

In all honesty, I should be the one teaching them.

Who would even want to be a teacher anyways?

Little kids are braindead, teenagers are edgy and braindead, The pay is shit, I swear the only reason you’d ever want to be a teacher is if you’re a pedoph-

“Hey.”

𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐃 ! ! !

The shock sends my body into a state of fight, flight or that third, more sinister thing.

So, like an absolute nincompoop, I jump out of my seat and shoot head first straight into the closed window.

Safe to say, my brain had a good jostle.

“Ow ow ow ow owww…”

“Oh christ, you good?”

Someone tears my hands from covering my foreh-

𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕘𝕝𝕪 𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕘𝕝𝕪 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝔸𝕦𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕪.

“A–a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaa-a-a-hhhhhhhhhh y-yeah???”

She leans in closer, her eyes almost stumbling over mine for a second before directing her stare at my forehead.

“No marks, you’re probably fine.”

She gives me a smirk.

“So what’s up with the eye?”

“H-huh? Ah, y-yeah. It’s, uh, it’s just how natural l-like, uhm, no- T-that’s, it’s, they’re j-just the way they are!?!?!”

“Whoa, really? I’ve just got contacts on. At this distance, you can tell, can’t you?”

No I 🅵 🆄 🅲 🅺 🅸 🅽 🅶 can’t.

I’m not even maintaining eye contact you-

“Yours really are all natural, huh? That’s sooo sick.”

“Y-yeah I guess…?”

“Y’know, there anyone sitting here?”

I’m shivering so hard I can’t make shaking my head not look aggressive.

“Alright then. Save this seat for me, wouldya? You seem way cooler than any of the other nerds in this class. I’m gonna hit up the washroom, let the teacher know if he asks.”

“S-she…”

“Huh?”

“Ah! Um! T-the teacher’s a… S-she’s a girl…”

“Oh really? Thanks for letting me know.”

She faux salutes me while walking out of the class.

As she teeters out of earshot I let out the longest breath ever held by man.

Thank god I can finally catch my bre-

𝗦 𝗟 𝗔 𝗠 !

“𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵𝔂 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵”

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠

“𝓱𝓶? 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽'𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴? 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓶𝓮 𝓹𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓮?”

Kel.

What.

“𝓼𝓸... 𝓲 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓴𝔂𝓵𝓲𝓮... 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓷𝓪𝓶𝓮…”

Why are you talking like that.

I’m scared.

I’m scared.

I’m scared.

“KEL?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???”

Aubrey, my SAVIOUR, my GUARDIAN ANGEL, pulls Kel’s arm off the wall behind me and forcibly pushes him away.

“Hey, Aubrey, what the hell! What’re you doing?!”

“Stopping an imminent rape, asshat!”

“What? Stop interrupting my rizz bro!”

“Kel. Kel. I’m going to murder you. With hammers. I’m going to cut you open. And then slurp up your intestines like a noodle. Get the fuck out of my sight before I begin to arrange a ‘rizz’straining order.”

“What’s your problem!”

“Oh my god, just- Come on, let’s go.”

Aubrey grabs my wrist and drags me out of the class.

Once firmly in the hallways and away from Kel, she turns around and grabs me by my shoulders.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Alright. I ran back to class as soon as I heard some kind of loud noise and assumed you hit your head again, so I haven’t had a chance to take a piss yet. Wanna come with?”

“Sure…?”

“That’s what I thought. I wouldn’t want to be in a room with him ever again either. That was Kel, by the way. He’s a former… ‘Acquaintance’ of mine. He’s always been a bit… Y’know, but I never ever thought he’d do something so… Jesus christ, you sure you good?”

“I-I’ll be fine!”

“If you say so…”

Wait…

She’s pulling me into the Girls’ washroom.

Me.

In the girls’ washroom.

ｕ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ ｈ

Sweat crawls down my back as I pass through that forbidden corridor.

Right as we turn the corner into the washroom itself, Aubrey pulls me in close.

“ Hey, just letting you know, if he ever gets on your nerves again, I’ll ‘take care’ of him for you, alright? ”

As she grins at me, all I can do is nod numbly.

So uh.

My old friends huh.

Wow.

Um.

Feeling lightheaded and pale, I stumble into the stall besides the one Aubrey entered and take my seat on the toilet.

“🅽 🅸 🅲 🅴   🅲 🅾 🅲 🅺   🅱 🆁 🅾”

Quite like one, my entire body stiffens up.

“W…Wha-?”

Aubrey’s laughter pours in from my side.

“Sorry, sorry. Just messing with you. Sometimes I wish I was a man  just so that I could say that to the guys next to me while pissing at a urinal. It’s so fucked that’s a male only experience.”

“Sure…”

Yup.

I think that old “event” really mindfucked them.

To think they used to be normal people.

With heavy feelings of shame upon my shoulder, I wash up and exit the female washroom as Aubrey waits outside for me.

“There you are, what took you so long?”

“U-uh, I-”

Aubrey’s laughter cut me off.

“Whoa, I was just joking, you don’t have to answer me you know!”

“S-sorry!”

Why.

Why must my voice be so squeaky.

“No need to apologise either, really.”

She chuckles a bit before elbowing me lightly.

“You’re so innocent, you know? Good girls like you definitely shouldn’t be hanging around with people like me. Actually, that reminds me, I never got to pick up on your name.”

“O-oh… It’s uh, it’s K-kylie…”

“Alright then, Kylie, I heard all we’re doing are some more icebreakers today so… What do you say you and I skip out on school today and hang with some of my other friends?”

Please tell me she’s not talking about the Hooligans.

Please tell me she’s not talking about the Hooligans.

Please tell me she’s not talking about the Hooligans.

“Bet. Follow me then, Ky. We’ll meet up at the parking lot and then maybe we’ll hit up the mall or something.”

“Alright…”

Nicknames already, huh…

God this is so fucking weird.

I wanna go home already.

If she found out I was actually her greatest enemy crossdressing as a girl…

I’m pretty sure all the police’ll find is a big red splatter on the pavement.

“You know, Ky.”

“W-what is it…?”

“You’ve got a cute face and voice. Maybe you should try streaming sometime.”

“Ah! I alr-”

I spoke too fast.

“Yeah? You ‘al’...?”

“I-It’s n-nothing!!!”

She just smirks as I cover up my beet red face.

I really hope she doesn’t already see through me and that this isn’t some elaborate plan to jump me.

          2nd of September

Too many emotions, by far! They’ve all mixed together to make one homogeneous mixture of suffering and plight! My life has never been at such a low point, never!

Chapter Text

Wednesdays are so weird.

Weird name.

Weird time of the week.

Weird events take place on wednesdays.

Weird placements in the week.

Weird origins.

Weird girl in my room.

“Tch, really, Kylie? You think you can get away with being an idol with a wardrobe like this?”

“I-I’m a virtual-”

“ZIP IT! I’m your manager, I don’t want to hear it so don’t speak back to me. Urgh, christ, what are you, a tomboy? All these clothes are so sloppy. And what’s with these undies, get some panties you slob. Wait, are these tighty whities? No way you have boxers with a heart pattern…”

“ＳＴＯＰ ＧＯＩＮＧ ＴＨＲＯＵＧＨ  ＭＹ ＵＮＤＥＲＷＥＡＲ ＰＬＥＡＳＥ”

“Kylie, let’s be honest, you’re basically asking for it with whatever this is. You even have a nightcap and a striped nightgown, what are you, a cartoon character? You’re a cute, petite girl blessed with such a pretty face and you waste it all by dressing with absolutely zero class, it’s revolting.”

She’s just blabbering to herself at this point.

“Urgh, I sure have my work cut out for me… I’m such a super beautiful, young, child genius prodigy and even I have to drag my ass through mud to get you up to par with the lowest of industry standards, do you know how disappointing this is? Going through all that damn effort to recruit you just to have to deal with this… At the moment you’re really not up to scratch, so you know what that means, right?”

“N…N-no?”

“Firstly, PAY ATTENTION, secondly, it means you better put in a shitload of effort! As your manager, I need to make sure you’re working at your full potential and at your very best, but that’s only possible if you cooperate, you hear me?!”

“Y-yes ma’am…”

“Loader!”

“YES MA’AM!”

“That’s the spirit. Now please, if you would, get dressed in some of your more girly clothes. We’re going out to buy you some new outfits.”

Huh?

“W-wait, wha-”

“Tch, don’t worry, they’ll go under business expenses. You won’t have to spend a dime, NUMESIQUE will pay for it all.”

???

“No, I-I mean-”

“Yeah?! Spit it out, would you?! No way you expect to make it in the entertainment industry if you’re THIS MEEK.”

Who the hell is this narcissistic drill sergeant wannabe girl what the fuck why can’t my life be normal for once why did I even sign  on to this what was I thinking why can’t I go back to being a NEET this is all cause of the freemasons, isn’t it? God damn the underground Jewish tunnel society burrowing under my apartment I swear I can hear them speaking yiddish from my walls FUCK YOU CIA

“WHY?!?!?!”

“Please don’t tell me you’re planning to live off just Vtubing? If you really want to make it big, you need to go multimedia! It’d be such a waste for you to hide such a pretty face behind a screen for your entire career. Instead, imagine this, a concert hall filled to the BRIM with fanatic fans, each and every one of them shilling hundreds to thousands of dollars for just a single ticket, and in front of them all, like a star shining oh so brightly is YOU, rich and famous and rich and beautiful and rich and rich and rich! Isn’t that dream just the best?!”

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

I never should have signed onto this shitty company…

I never should have agreed to it with this weirdo girl…

Ultra beautiful genius bright divine pretty child genius prodigy my ass…

“So enamoured by it you’re left speechless, huh? Don’t worry, everyone else will be too when I shape you into the best idol the world’s ever seen! Yes, you’ll be my magnum opus!”

“S-sure…”

Where did I go so wrong?

…

There are no words to describe the emotion(s?) that shot through my body after sliding some panties on before realising there isn’t even a bulge.

Am I even half a man anymore?

Thus, here I am, with not a drop of shame left in my hollow heart,

Locked in a mall changing room putting on dresses and high heels.

If anyone were to ever figure out I’m a guy I would most certainly be strung up by my feet and stoned to death for all to see.

God help me.

Anyways, Maria seems to really like girly, frilly clothes.

Normally I would be more worried about wearing clothes like these and having my cover blown, but somehow that doesn’t seem like an issue anymore.

Haha…

Hahaha…

Ha…

I hate my life.

Normally any man would cope with falling off this hard by drinking 90% isopropyl alcohol and smoking lead paint but.

Frills, sweets and cosmetics seem to work just as well.

With a sigh, I do a small twirl in front of the mirror before parting the curtains.

“Hm, yeah, it’s just as I thought. Light clothing really does accentuate your petite frame best. And damn, that midriff is immaculate. The cutesy, feminine frills contrast the light eroticism of the ever so slightly see through muslin cloth, christ, the slight peeks of your pale, soft skin is almost making me salivate… Hey, Kylie, try taking off your bra-”

“I’m calling the cops.”

“Yeah, mhm, you’re right, the slight tease of the bra actually does make it more erotic. Unintentionally, mildly erotic conservative clothes really are the best, huh? Ahhhhhhh, it’s so delicious I could eat you up right now~. The lolita style really does fit you perfectly~. Here, try these on next! I’m sure this short-sleeved, slightly translucent, frilly crop top and this long, red skirt will blend together to make the perfect casually erotic clothes!!! If only it were a bit colder, your cute, perky little erect nipples peeking through the white cloth would be a feast for the eyes wouldn’t it~♡?!?!?!”

This has got to be sexual harassment. 

I closed the curtains like a minute ago why is she still yammering on auwhuahguahuigaghuahguaghua

Was she a pervert this whole time???

Is this whale company just a sham so she can grope me???

Can this just end already???

I feel like I’ve been here for hours…

Actually maybe I have but.

Who cares anymore.

Maybe this is my own, personal hell.

Probably custom made right under Satan’s nut room so I can pay for my greatest sin:

Being Japanese.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuu I wanna cry.

This may be the second worst day of my life.

Right behind that time my mom caught me jelqing.

I just hope this’ll be enough to satisfy Maria.

As I walk out, Maria’s jaw physically drops.

“Oh my goodness… The European style, the openness of it all, how teasing it is… Haaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh~~~ it just makes me want to touch you all over~♡~♡~!!!”

“Y’know, I-I uh, I have a question for you…”

“Yeah? What is it? Don’t be afraid to ask~!”

“Do you uh… You swing ‘that’ way?”

“Huh?’

“You gay?”

“Pfft. Of course not. I have a boyfriend, you know?”

“You do?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“He’ll be mine soon though… Haha… Right…?”

>Narcissist
>Pervert
>Incel

Yup, we’ve got ourselves an S tier girl failure right here.

I means I can’t really t-

“Kylie? Is that you?”

“A…A-A-Aubrey…?”

KILLING MYSELF TOMORROWTODAYCANCELLEDBACKONINAMONTHYESTERDAYNOW!!!

Chapter Text

As I turn around to face her, Aubrey’s eyes pierce into my very soul.

With a grim face and dilated pupils, I can’t help but feel like the prey of a great predator or like what a child is to a 2021 Ford F-450 4x4 with a 6.8L V10 engine generating 500 hp and up to 1200 lb-ft of torque going 80 down a school zone.

Well, that is until blood shoots out of her nose and she falls onto the ground.

Instead of helping her, Maria kneels beside her and places her hand on Aubrey’s shoulder, both with soft smiles on their faces completely unbefitting of whatever is going on.

Today’s been a long day.

(It’s 5pm)

* * *

“Look, listen here, I don't think you have the slightest idea about what you’re talking about. Blabber on and on about subtleties and all that bullshit, but that doesn’t fix the fact you’re a stuck up frog-bitch-cuck.”

“Oh really, stooped down to race insults now, eh? The fact you’ve resorted to ad hominem is proof enough that there is zero substance to your point. The sublime eroticism within the frills and very implication of a maid uniform is like the sun to a pebble. You’re like a savage, barely even human. You start to drool and slobber whenever a cute girl shows even an inch of her skin without truly understanding the beauty and eroticism of femininity at its best.”

“Pffft. What the fuck are you even saying to me? You see a cute girl and you want to put her in a museum or something? Fuck, who gives a shit about silk and lace and all that fancy shit when the most beautiful clothes a girl can wear is her BARE SKIN. If whatever she is wearing gets in between me and sliding my tongue all the way up from her thighs to her mouth I want it OFF. And just look at Kylie, holy, just look at that lucious, glistening skin. It makes me want to grab her on the spot and lock her in my basement so I could drink a cup of her sweat every morning. Also bikini girl car wash.”

“I’m sorry, but the average fifteen year old boy has already gotten over gravure models. And how old are you? Seventeen? It is not the presence of skin. but the absence of skin that excites the enlightened mind. It is imagination, the endless expansion of possibilities that could lie under those normally conservative clothes, that defines eroticism. Don’t even get me started on when such clothes are modified to lose all practicality beyond exciting one’s l…”

When all this is over, I should try growing out a mustache. 

Maybe a beard too.

I heard while passing some older kids in the hall that shaving actually makes your facial skin grow out more and thicker.

Yeah…

Then I’ll be just like Ryan Gosling…

He’s just like me fr…

“Hey! Kylie! Are you listening?”

Aubrey snaps out of my masterful dissociating.

I am really good at that though.

I could make an amazing soldier.

Or policeman.

Or really anyone who specializes in ruining others lives.

CEO…

Health insurance…

“H-huh? What?”

“C’mon, let’s go get drinks!”

What?

“Huh?”

Maria leans in with a wink.

“Don’t worry, they’re all on me.”

I’m pretty sure WHO or some other big health organisation said that like literally any amount of alcohol is dangerous to your health especially when underage so like…

Should I tell them???

I feel like that’s nerd emoji shit though.

Like L sigma type shit.

I’m sigma…

I’m based…

The shit I do and say to cope with my reality.

As we take our seats, Maria confidently orders three beers from our waitress.

Surprisingly(?), the waitress doesn’t ask for her ID.

How old is she anyways?

Soon enough, after about one one-millionth of the average exchange between Aubrey and Maria, the drinks are delivered.

Staring down at the glass of piss looking substance, I can’t help but feel a sinking feeling in my stomach.

This can’t end well.

* * *

How did we end up drinking Heinekins on the streets like a bunch of delinquents?

I lost my memory three beers in, so I couldn’t tell you.

What I can tell you is that I feel like shit .

My heart is pounding like a drum.

My head is absolutely spinning.

I feel funny trying to walk in a straight line.

Fuck.

Just a few… Whatevers ago I was giggling like a maniac and now I can barely stand without curling up in a ball with an explosive headache.

Lord save me…

Lord please get me home back into my bed so I can feel normal again…

I miss feeling normal…

Fuck, I’m never drinking again.

What’s so good about feeling like absolute dogass?

As me and Aubrey squirm and die on the cold, hard, broken pavement, Maria just keeps on downing beer after beer after beer.

All the while yapping to us as if we’re listening.

“-nekin is actually like a Dutch invention to try to homogenise the world, you know? I don’t like beer much myself. More of a wine girl. But like, even I know Heineken has absolutely no exceptional qualities. Why do people even like it so much? If I want a light drink I’ll take a white claw, why would I ever buy Heineken? Why does anybody? Is it because it’s cheap? L-”

As the world spins and sounds grind together in some kind of celestial soup which tastes like lime and bittermelon, Aubrey grabs and embraces me.

“Kylie… Fuck… You’re the only real motherfucker left… If only everybody was as real as you… I love you… Marry me…”

She leans in to try to kiss me and I can’t do anything but roll over.

This is not a side of her I want to be seeing.

As a car pulls up in front of us, Maria raises her bottle haphazardly, splashing “cheap, shitty, poisoned mind control Dutch beer” all over her hand.

“Cavalry’s here!”

I hear the sound of a car door opening and promptly being shut while Maria pulls me up and drags me into the back of the car.

A small fear in the back of my mind worries she might try to cop a feel while she’s at it, but I don’t have any energy to struggle.

Thankfully, I am transported into the passenger’s seat thoroughly ungroped.

Seems even she has standards.

I lazily lull my head to the side to see Kel carrying Aubrey.

As I lean back into the car seat, I cover my eyes with my sleeve and try to ignore the world around me.

And to not throw up.

As Kel gets back into the driver’s seat and starts the car(he can drive?), what little vestiges of peace I have are shattered.

He starts playing bladee.

And Death Grips.

“Alright, fuck, stop stop stop. Stop the car. Just… Let me get out here.”

My headache just got about a bazillion times worse.

We ended up walking to a hotel.

* * *

5th of September

I’m never drinking again.