Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Looks like the new neighbours are finally moving in.”

Shepard is in the midst of cleaning his station when he looks up to follow Jack’s gaze out of their windowed storefront. A moving van is parked right outside the store directly across from them, with workers moving large shelving units and glass front refrigerators.

“Any idea what they’re going to be?” Renovations have been going on since the start of the year and still, now two months later, none of them have any idea who bought the unit or what kind of shop they are going to be. Nobody on the Normandy shopping street does. It’s a huge mystery, and Shepard has no doubt in his mind that everyone else is looking out their storefront just like them, hoping to get a clue as to who their new neighbours might be.

“Don’t think it’s food. Haven’t seen any stoves,” Jack says. “At least Steve, Samantha and Mordin aren’t going to face any competition.” 

“But they have fridges. Why else would they need fridges?” Kasumi asks, piping up from behind the front desk. 

They have no customers at the moment, so they continue watching as more stuff is being unloaded and moved into the store. It's all pretty standard, until the movers start carrying out a huge flat object covered by a sheet.

“Ooh, it’s the sign!” Jack and Kasumi have their faces basically pressed against the windows in excitement. Shepard wants to call them out on their nosiness, but he doesn't want to be hypocritical since he’s watching with rapt attention too.

The movers make quick work of installing the sign, but it isn't until they are done with moving everything else into the store and are about to leave that they decide to remove the sheet. 

Finally, after many agonising minutes, the name of the new store is revealed. In an elegant font, the sign reads: English Bay Flowers .

“It’s… a florist?”

“They chose a damn good spot, didn’t they?” Zaeed grumbles from the back, the old kook always acting as if he doesn't care but is clearly as invested as the rest of them. “Opened right across from a bloody tattoo studio.”

“Well, that’s certainly something new,” Kasumi says before adding, “Oh, do you think they’d let me use their flowers as references?”

“Please, they’ll probably be too scared of us.” Jack scoffs, seemingly disappointed by the reveal. 

“Settle down you guys. They haven’t even opened yet,” says Shepard to his employees. “At least wait till we meet them before you start making assumptions.”

That got a few mumbled responses, but any other discussion is quickly shut down when a few clients walk through the door, forcing all of them back to their work stations. 

Over the next week, Shepard has a schedule full of appointments so he can't spend much time looking out. Thankfully, he has his nosy employees, along with his friends from the other stores, to fill him in: there’s mostly been more workers moving in and out of the store finishing up the last-minute renovations, but there’s been someone else – a man who’s been supervising the work and likely the owner of the shop.

(“You two should be detectives,” Shepard had said to Jack and Kasumi after one particularly long info-dumping session. “Hey, it’s not our fault I have no appointments and there were no walk-ins” was Jack’s retort, Kasumi nodding beside her. “Well, maybe I should recommend some of my clients to you then, seeing as you’re so free.” Shepard said back, laughing as Jack flipped him off.)

Curiosity fully piqued, Shepard wonders constantly about what this new neighbour will be like. And it’s only when he comes into work one day and is immediately accosted by his employees that he finally gets a little sneak peek. 

“Shepard, look!” Kasumi squeals as Jack pulls him over to the front desk, on top of which stands a vase filled with brilliant yellow and blue flowers. They are beautiful of course, but they do stick out amidst the rather muted monochromatic decor of the studio. 

“The owner of the flower shop gave it to us this morning,” Jack says with a suspicious grin on her face. “His name’s Kaidan.”

Shepard looks at her with a raised eyebrow. Not sure why the name of the guy is so important, but it's good to know. “That’s nice of him. Did he say why?”

“Something about wanting to make a good first impression.” 

“Well now I feel bad. We should be the ones welcoming him.”

“That’s what I said!” exclaims Kasumi.

“Guess I’ll buy him a drink if I see him.”

“Seriously? That’s it?” Jack retorts.

“What else can I give him?” Shepard asks, still confused as to why Jack of all people is so concerned with niceties. “Can’t exactly offer him a tattoo as a welcome gift, can I?”

Jack squints at him before looking past him and through the storefront windows. “I’ll think of something,” she mumbles before returning to her station. The conversation ends there, and Shepard thought the discussion did too, with neither Jack nor Kasumi bringing it up again.

But oh, how wrong he was, because the next day, Shepard has just barely stepped foot into the studio when Jack ambushes him.

“Here!” Jack says, holding out a large jar.

Shepard instinctively grabs it, and only then does he see what it's filled with. “Cookies?”

“Yup.” 

“What-” Shepard glances at the jar again, and by his estimation he can tell it's a lot more than the batches Jack occasionally brings to work. He then stares at his employee. Despite her arms and hands being completely inked up, he still spots several familiar burn marks, and is now more confused and exasperated than ever. “Please don’t tell me you stayed up all night to bake these.”

“I did.” 

“ Why? ”

Jack looks at him as if he’s the one being ridiculous. “So that you have something to give to Kaidan, obviously. Now go!” 

She is practically pushing him out the door when he digs in his heels. “Give them to him yourself if you care so much! Why me?”

“He's the owner, so it’s only fair that the owner of our store gives something back.” Kasumi chimes in, seemingly popping up from nowhere.

Shepard glares at her. The two of them are clearly up to something, but there's no point in fighting, especially not when Jack is the most persistent person on this whole damn planet and Kasumi is nothing if not an enabler. So, he relents, letting himself be pushed out of his own store and onto the street by his insubordinate employee. 

He turns back to scowl at the two of them, but they are unfazed, only moving their hands to urge him forward. He sighs. Better to just get this over and done with. He can write their performance reviews later.

When he enters the store, the first thing that catches his eye is the colours. Wide arrays of blooms and blossoms in all hues of the rainbow in big pots on the floor, in vases in the fridges, even hanging from the ceiling. Shepard is pretty sure he's never seen something as vivid as this sight before him. 

And the smell. Shepard thought his nose would be assaulted, but no. Despite the various types of flowers, there lingers only a pleasant fragrance in the air, refreshing but not too cloying. 

The register is at the back of the shop, and Shepard spots a dark-haired woman typing away at a tablet. She glances up as he gets closer, and he notices a name tag pinned to her apron that reads “Ashley”. With a smile she greets him. “Hi there, how can I help you?”

“Hi, is Kaidan in?" Shepard asks, suddenly feeling very awkward about and aware of the situation he is in. 

Ashley does a very quick once-over of Shepard, and on her face appears a smile that is dangerously similar to Jack’s from the day before. “He’s in the back. Let me go get him.”

She quickly leaves through a door behind her, and Shepard is left there, with his thoughts and with that damn cookie jar, surrounded by hundreds of flowers. This day cannot not get any weirder.

Well, that is until Kaidan steps into view, and Shepard’s day gets a whole lot better.

Thick dark hair with wisps of grey at the temple. Whiskey brown eyes above a kind smile. A beige apron hanging off broad shoulders, and below it a blue henley, fitted and unbuttoned just enough to show off a solid chest, with sleeves tight around biceps that flex due to the weight of a large potted plant. 

Shepard had no idea what to expect, but it certainly isn't this incredibly attractive man before him. 

Kaidan sets the pot on the counter and brushes his hands on the apron before saying, "Hey, you were looking for me?"

All my life , supplies a silly and absolutely unhelpful part of his brain that has clearly watched one too many romantic comedies. Quickly pushing that aside, Shepard says, "Hi, I'm the owner of Spectre , the tattoo studio across from you, and I just wanted to thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful."

Kaidan beams at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Goldenrods and cornflowers. I'm glad you like them."

"We also felt bad that we were the ones receiving a gift when you’re the newcomer. So, these are for you."

“Oh, thank you!” Kaidan says, watching as Shepard places the jar on the counter. "Cookies?"

"Yeah, Jack made them."

"And Jack's the…" Kaidan pauses, obviously and quite hilariously trying to find the best way to describe her, no doubt an aftereffect of having met the woman. "The one with the full body of tattoos?”

“You can just call her scary, that’s fine. She’s my employee and even she intimidates me sometimes.” Shepard smiles before continuing, “You must have met Kasumi too. And Zaeed’s the old guy at the back. He’s scary too, but he’s actually a big softie underneath all that gruff.”

Only then does he realise that he hasn't introduced himself yet, so he quickly adds, “And I’m Shepard, by the way. John Shepard, but everyone just uses my last name.”

“Well, Shepard, it’s nice to meet you.” Kaidan sticks his hand out. “Kaidan Alenko.”

Shepard shakes his hand. “Welcome to the Normandy Shopping Street.”

“A few of the others have said that already, but you’re the first to come here in person. And with food, no less!” 

“Oh, I wanted to warn you, but since you’ve already met the rest…” His friends are all a little weird in their own way, but that’s what makes this little shopping street of theirs a community, a home even. “Everyone can be a little intense at first, but they're all great people once you get to know them.”

Kaidan chuckles, a small husky and charming laugh that Shepard definitely does not secretly find incredibly attractive. “I look forward to it. And if you’re any indication, I think I’ll be fine.”

Is that… is he flirting?

No, it can’t be. He’s just being friendly, that’s all. Regardless, Shepard has no idea why he feels so strange about it. He’s always been sociable, and small talk has never been a challenge for him, but talking to Kaidan feels… different. And it isn’t because Kaidan’s good-looking; plenty of his friends are.

So, what’s happening?

He doesn’t have time to dwell on that however, as the alarm on his phone starts ringing. He takes it out and looks at the time. “Sorry, got a client coming over soon, so I have to go. I’ll see you around?”

Kaidan smiles at him, a hand already reaching into the jar. “See you around, Shepard. And thanks again for the cookies.”

Shepard throws a smile back and leaves. When he gets back to his studio, Jack and Kasumi are already waiting with big grins plastered across their faces.

“I know what you’re doing,” he says, glaring at his two employees.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jack teases, and Kasumi adds, “Yeah, Shep, why don’t you tell us what you think we’re doing?”

“You’re trying to set me up with him, aren’t you?”

“And did it work?”

Shepard throws his hands up in disbelief. “He’s literally been here for two days! We don’t even know anything about him!”

“Firstly, he’s a florist, and secondly, he gave flowers to everyone on the street. I would say those are both green flags,” says Kasumi, followed by Jack supplying, “Plus, he’s exactly your type.”

“How do you know what my type is? How do you even know if he's single?”

"Call it woman's intuition."

"And what about if he's attracted to men?"

Without a beat: "Gaydar."

" Gah ," is the only thing Shepard can respond with, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Come on, we’re just looking out for you. It's been so long since you last saw someone.” Jack says, almost sounding sympathetic. “You do have to admit, he is good-looking.”

That is certainly one thing that Shepard can’t argue against. “Well…”

The moment that leaves his lips, he immediately wants to take it back, but it’s too late. “Aha! So, you do think that he’s hot!” The sympathy has completely disappeared from Jack’s expression, now replaced with a stupidly cocky grin. What definitely doesn’t help is Kasumi saying, “How could he not? Have you seen that body? And heard that voice?”

Shepard is desperately regretting the day he hired these two, but thankfully he’s saved by Zaeed walking over. “Oi, you two chatterboxes. I asked for the inks ten minutes ago. Where are they?”

The two aren’t scared of him in any way, but they know never to piss him off. They go off to help with said inks, and Shepard is finally left alone. “Thanks, Zaeed.”

“Eh, whatever,” the old man grumbles. There’s a beat of silence, and then, “You’ve got to admit though, Shepard, you two would make a mighty fine pair. Might help you loosen up a bit too.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Instantly, there’s cackling from the storeroom, the two women unfortunately still within earshot. Even Zaeed of all people has a smirk on his face. 

“Okay, that’s it, no more talking about my dating life in the shop, ever .” Shepard shouts, making sure everyone gets the message. “And you all better leave poor Kaidan alone too. The last thing he needs is you guys hounding him and scaring him off when he’s just moved here.”

Shepard immediately walks over to his own station, hoping that that’s the end of this silly discussion. He works on getting ready for his client, ignoring the hushed comments he can still hear from his employees. He might have been harsh, but he can handle his own relationships, thank you very much.

Despite that, his mind still eventually drifts back to Kaidan. The way that man looked, surrounded by all those beautiful blossoms… Would he…? Should Shepard…? Could they…? 

No. Shepard shakes his head. He said it himself: the man just opened his flower shop and he doesn’t really know much about him at all. It is way too soon to think about any of that. 

For now, Shepard is going to work on making sure that Kaidan feels welcomed. They are one big family here, and it’s only right that he - along with Ashley - become part of it.

But besides that, there's no real reason for him to think too much about that man. After all, how often is he really going to see him?

Chapter Text

Ok, so Shepard might have been wrong about how often he bumps into Kaidan. Which, in hindsight, he should have known considering how small the shopping street is. 

Or maybe he’s just tempted fate. 

Whichever it is, within a month of meeting him, Shepard got to learn a lot more about Kaidan than he ever thought he would.

*

The first time Shepard and Kaidan bump into each other is a few days after their initial introductions. Shepard is in the local coffee shop, Inquisition , waiting for his order when Kaidan walks through the door. After the man places his own order, he spots Shepard, giving him a small wave as he walks over.

"Hey Kaidan, haven't seen you here before."

"Well, my coffee machine decided to fail on me this morning. But on the bright side, I get to cash in that free drink Samantha offered me."

Speaking of, said owner and barista of the store appears, sliding a to-go cup across the countertop. "Here's your coffee, Commander."

"Commander?" Kaidan asks, and before Shepard can even open his mouth, Samatha answers for him.

"Oh, you haven't heard?" She says, leaning forward on the countertop. "Shepard here runs his shop like a damn battleship."

"Is it such a sin to want some discipline and order?" Not that he hates that nickname; it does sound cool after all. Plus, he’s always wondered if, in another life, he was in the military, what with his inclination towards structure after the messy life he had before becoming a tattoo artist. However, he hopes that Kaidan doesn’t get the impression that he’s some overly harsh disciplinarian. In fact, he’s far from it, clearly exemplified by how his own employees treat him.

Thankfully, the other man just chuckles. "Hey, I get it. My dad was in the navy. Liked to call me 'Major' whenever we played soldiers when I was younger. Still calls me that sometimes."

"Major, huh? So technically, you outrank Shepard," Samantha adds, which is incredibly unhelpful because firstly, Shepard has already realised that, and secondly, if they were to actually follow the chain of command, he has to obey whatever Kaidan demanded of him, the implications of which he definitely does not want to wonder about in the middle of a coffee shop this early in the morning.

“As much as I’m enjoying this conversation,” Shepard says dryly, grabbing his cup, “I’ve got an appointment soon, so I’ve gotta go.”

Samantha waves a quick goodbye before returning to work on the remaining orders, while Kaidan turns to him with a warm teasing smile. “See you around, Commander.”

The way those three syllables sound in that husky voice does something to Shepard, but he’s not about to admit to that. Besides, he doesn’t allow himself to be fazed so easily, throwing back a similar, “See you too, Major.”

Kaidan responds with a smirk, and it’s one that stays on Shepard’s mind as he returns to the studio, consciously avoiding all the questions Jack and Kasumi throw at him about why he’s grinning as he sips his coffee.

*

The next time they bump into each other is in Joker’s store, Flight Deck , with Shepard entering the shop to see Kaidan and Joker chatting about something. 

“And you’re sure she’ll like this?” Kaidan asks, glancing over several Lego sets on the counter. “The last time I played with Legos was when I was a kid.”

“Trust me, they’re popular again.” Joker looks up, spotting Shepard approaching them. “Right, Commander?”

Shepard leans against the counter, amused at how quickly he’s been roped into this conversation. “Woah, before I answer, what’s this about exactly?”

Kaidan turns to him with a smile, albeit one that doesn’t hide the fact that he’s clearly a little stressed out. “My cousin’s birthday is coming up soon, and I have no idea what to get her. I mean, what do teenagers even like nowadays?”

None of them in the room are really the right people to ask, but before Shepard can voice that thought, Joker interjects, “I promise, you can’t go wrong with them. Ask Shepard, he just bought a set the other day.”

“Technically, I bought one because Kasumi asked me to. Said it would make the shop less intimidating.” Which, admittedly, it did, the funky little modern art piece adding a nice pop of colour. “As for me, I prefer good old fashioned pre-built models. Speaking of, Joker, is my order-”

The man raises a hand to stop him. “Yes, Shepard, it’s going to be here on time for your birthday.” 

It’s a relief, but then Shepard spots Kaidan’s puzzled look. So, he explains, “Oh, I collect model spaceships from this video game series. Have you heard of Density Effect ?”

A look of recognition appears on Kaidan’s face as he exclaims, “I just completed the first game!” 

“Really? Well, there’s this limited-edition version of the Brittany ship coming out soon, and I’ve got Joker here to help me place an order for one. It’s so cool, you’ve got to see it.” Overjoyed at the discovery of someone else playing the game, Shepard is about to launch into a hundred and one questions when he notices Joker’s expression, watching the two of them with an almost mischievous grin. 

So, Shepard restrains himself; he can always talk to Kaidan later. “Sorry, didn’t mean to distract you.”

“Don’t worry. I’d like to hear more, as long as you don’t spoil anything for me,” Kaidan says. “Besides, I’ve still got to narrow down which set to get for my cousin.”

Shepard glances at the options Joker has shown him so far. Buildings, art pieces, vehicles… “Aren’t there ones with flowers and succulents?”

Joker stares at the both of them, trying but failing to not look embarrassed. Shepard shakes his head. “Seriously, Joker? He’s a florist.”

“Hey, in my defence, how was I supposed to know that he might want to give fake plants instead of real ones?” Joker retorts, looking pointedly at Kaidan who’s just obviously trying his best not to side with either of them. Joker sighs, getting up and gesturing for Kaidan to follow him. “C’mon, they’re at the back.” 

Kaidan goes along, but not before mouthing a “thank you” to Shepard. He replies with his own “you’re welcome” as he watches the two men walk away, overhearing Joker asking Kaidan whether he’d be interested in joining the biweekly Normandy D&D sessions, of which Shepard also takes part in.

As Shepard leaves the shop, already coming to the quick decision to replay Density Effect once he gets home that night and to prepare all the things he wants to ask Kaidan about it the next time they meet. 

*

“Ah. Kaidan, Ashley, welcome.”

Shepard turns around in his seat to see their two newest neighbours enter Mordin’s diner, a nice little place with great food and the go-to lunch spot for most of Normandy Street. After all this time, Shepard’s still not sure how Mordin runs it all by himself.

“Hey Mordin, here to cash in that free meal you offered,” Kaidan says as he slides into the next booth.

Ashley sits across from him, asking, “What do you recommend?”

“Would be a bit biased coming from me. Maybe you could ask the others.” Mordin turns to Shepard’s table, and the reaction is immediate.

“Definitely the cheeseburger. Just the perfect amount of greasy,” says Jack through a mouthful of her own burger, and beside her Kasumi adds “He makes great omelettes!” while all Zaeed responds with is “Can’t go wrong with chicken and waffles.”

As his employees give their recommendations, Shepard tries to decide on his. Everything that Mordin makes hits the spot, but ultimately, he picks one from his own personal top three - something about it just seems to fit Kaidan. “I’d go with the steak sandwiches. Trust me, you’ll want seconds.”

After a quick moment of contemplation, “Bacon burger and some fries for me Mordin!” Ashley shouts and Kaidan follows up with “I’ll try the steak sandwich then”, smiling at Shepard as he says it. 

“Food will be right up.” Mordin heads into the kitchen, the sizzle of meat on the grill immediately wafting through the serving window. Not only is the food good, but it’s served fast too. Shepard’s always been amazed at how the man has gotten to be so perfectly efficient, especially since he runs the place all by himself. It’s scary and a little weird if he’s being honest, but he’s not going to complain; not when the food is this delicious.

As expected, before they know it, Mordin is stepping out carrying two plates. He sets them down on the table, and finishes off with a little bow, another little endearing idiosyncrasy of his that the rest have gotten used to by now. “Enjoy.”

The two dig in, and with the first bite alone they both seem to perk up. “Holy shit, Mordin. What do you put in this? It tastes so good!” Ashley exclaims with her mouth full. 

“Ah, secret ingredient. Will never tell, but glad that you like it.” Mordin beams with pride, as he rightfully should. 

“I think I just found my new favourite dish.” Kaidan is already almost done with the first half of his sandwich. “Thanks, Shepard.”

It’s such a small thing, but Shepard can’t help but feel a little smug at that. Not only did Kaidan go with his recommendation, but he’s thoroughly enjoying it. His prediction was right, his own proud grin spreading across his face. “Don’t mention it.”

This little moment of glory is cut short when Jack calls for the check, their lunch hour coming to its end. As his employees get up to leave and say their goodbyes to their neighbours, Shepard takes one more good look. Ashley and Kaidan are both thoroughly enjoying their meals, but it’s the latter that catches more of his attention: having just taken another big bite, Kaidan can only wave and smile with adorably full cheeks. 

Shepard has to stifle a laugh, and it’s an image that sticks with him as he returns to the studio and for many hours after, provides a much-needed boost for the rest of the busy afternoon.

*

Right next to the studio is Clan Fitness , a gym owned and run by Wrex, the toughest guy Shepard knows. Big and stocky, his tough exterior actually covers a good heart, made the clearest when he gave everyone on the street free gym memberships. He’s loud and brash in the best way possible, an uncle figure to all those younger than him (a title he gave himself which everyone acknowledges but still refuses to address him by). 

Shepard makes good use of the membership, heading to the gym either before or after work every couple of days. It’s where several of his other friends work too, and he always takes the opportunity to check in on them whenever he can.

On a Tuesday evening like any other, he enters the gym to find Grunt and Miranda by the front desk, the two talking about something to do with the latter’s schedule. Grunt was a little rough around the edges when he first arrived here, but he’s a good kid, earning his keep by working the desk and being a part-time trainer. Miranda owns the yoga and pilates studio next door, but she does several shifts here as a personal trainer and self-defence instructor. A little stand-offish at the beginning, she’s warmed up considerably to become a truly dear friend. 

Shepard greets them as he signs in, but just as he’s about to head to the lockers, Kaidan and Jacob turn the corner from the locker room. 

Jacob is another personal trainer, with such an incredibly well-toned body that even Shepard felt a little envious around the man the first time they worked out together, despite being well-built himself. Jacob’s currently wearing a sleeveless muscle tee that shows off his arms, and it’s no wonder as to why the gym has a steady flow of members who ask for him personally.

But it’s not him that Shepard focuses on.

Kaidan is wearing a tight blue shirt, and the way the sweat-soaked fabric is stuck to his skin? The way it defines his chest and biceps and abs? Shepard judges himself and Kaidan to have similar builds, but something about the clothes, the damp hair being slicked back, the easy smile as he chats with Jacob… Shepard catches himself just blatantly staring at Kaidan, but at that moment, he can’t find it in himself to really care. 

Not when this is the view. 

He’s only snapped out of it when the men see him, Kaidan waving while Jacob calls out to him, “Hey Shepard, need a training buddy?”

“Seems like you’ve done enough already, I wouldn’t want to tire you out,” Shepard teases as he turns to Kaidan while trying his best not to ogle. “You put him to work, Kaidan?”

Kaidan laughs as he slings a towel over his broad shoulders. “I tried, but I don’t think I can beat a young man like him.”

“Young? Man, I’m already going to be 29 this year.” Jacob playfully punches Kaidan in the arm. “And besides, you’re probably not that much older than me.”

“I just turned 35. Before I know it, the big 4-0 will be looming over the horizon.”

“Well, you don’t work out like an old man, and you sure don’t look it either. You’re pretty much on par with Shepard, and he’s only a couple of years younger than you.”

Shepard’s taken by surprise with the conversation turning to him, but he’s more surprised by the expression on Kaidan. Kaidan’s smiling, but the way those brown eyes fall on him… is Shepard imagining it, or is the man giving him an appreciative once-over?

“Uh yeah, turning 32 soon.” Shepard awkwardly responds, but not before he notices the sigh and smirk from Miranda. 

Oh no, he does not need another one of his friends joining in on this teasing thing they’ve suddenly started doing to him. Yet, he decidedly does not turn to glare at her, instead taking the chance to prove that he’s not being weird about the whole thing. He says to Kaidan, “But Jacob’s right. You look good.”

“Why, thank you.” Kaidan replies, and the lightest of red tinges his cheeks. The sudden shyness takes Shepard back, and he feels his own face grow a little warm at the compliment that he just gave. To make matters worse, Grunt and Jacob are exchanging looks with each other and Miranda - not a good sign at all.

Before he can say something stupid in an effort to defend himself, he’s saved when Wrex steps out of the office. “Hey, don’t want to be that kind of boss, but what’s everybody doing just standing around? Don’t you have work to do?”

His three employees quickly return to their duties - Grunt into the office, Miranda and Jacob back to the main floor. Wrex shakes his head, but it’s obvious he’s not truly annoyed. “Never easy running a business, is it?” he says, to which both Shepard and Kaidan nod in agreement. “You two get it. Anyway, c’mon Shepard, you better get started on all those reps you promised me.”

Ah right, that. He really has to stop making bets with Wrex; it’s gone bad for him seven times out of ten. “I guess that’s my cue to get a move on,” he says as he turns to Kaidan.

The man hoists his gym bag up a little higher onto his should, his arms flexing as he does so, which Shepard definitely doesn’t stare at. “See you around, Shepard.” 

They go their separate ways, but just as Shepard is about to enter the locker room, something compels him to take one last at Kaidan before he exits the gym. And when he does, his eyes are immediately drawn to the way those black exercise shorts are doing incredible things for that man’s ass. 

Well then. That’s not going to be helpful at all. 

*

Friday nights are always the best, but on Normandy Street they’re made even better because on the last Friday of every month, Steve hosts a trivia night at his bar. To anyone not in the know, it might sound really nerdy, but it is so much more than just a quiz. Over the years, it has gotten incredibly competitive, with everyone part of a large betting pool that tracks wins and losses. Teams have even been formed, and no matter the topic of the quiz for that night, everybody gets into it. The discounted drinks certainly don’t help, but it’s all for good fun anyway, a night where they all get to hang out together and decompress after a busy month. 

It’s on such a Friday night that Shepard finds himself at the counter waiting for his table’s order of beer when he spots Kaidan and Ashley make their way in. Their eyes meet, and Shepard waves them over. 

“So, this is trivia night huh?” Kaidan asks as slides up next to him, observing the space. “Guess James wasn’t kidding when he said it was going to be intense.”

Shepard turns back and immediately gets where that comment is coming from. Everybody’s here along with a few regulars of the bar, crowded around their respective tables. There’s the shuffling of notepads and pens, some intense group discussions, and plenty of light smack talk being thrown back and forth. 

“Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it,” Shepard laughs. “Have you joined a team yet?”

“No, because someone -” Ashley narrows her eyes at Kaidan. “- didn’t think you guys were going to be so serious about this.”

They’ve obviously had this discussion before, because all Kaidan does in response is roll his eyes. “As if you knew before we came here.” 

Not wanting them to rehash this argument once more, Shepard cuts in. “One of you can join my team tonight if you want. One of our members is out of town, so we’ve got a spot open.” 

Just then, James appears with the beers, placing them on the counter with a loud thud. “Dibs on Flower Boy.”

Shepard turns to the muscular bartender. “Took you long enough. And what do you mean ‘dibs’? You can’t call dibs on people.”

“Of course I can, loco. I’m the one who invited him, so I get to call dibs. And besides, my team could use the extra smarts,” James says all smugly, but then looks at Ashley with a grin. “No offence, Williams.”

“Screw you, Vega,” she retorts.

Well, Shepard certainly isn’t going to back down from this challenge. “Come on, Ashley, you’re with me. Ready to win your first ever Normandy trivia night?”

Ashley now turns to the other two men with a devious smirk on her face. “Oh, I am so ready.”

Right on time too, because Steve is already making his way onto the stage. Grabbing the beers, Shepard leads Ashley back towards the table where Liara and Thane are waiting for him. They quickly welcome her, but even that is cut short when Steve taps on the microphone, causing the whole room to go quiet in anticipation. 

“Alright everyone, welcome back to trivia night! And it looks like we have two new faces in the mix!” A round of cheers and whoops go around as all the attention is directed at Kaidan and Ashley who smile and wave. “But don’t think we’ll go easy on you, because today, we’re going back to the basics. The topic for tonight: world history.”

A mix of groans and cheers arise from the tables. As for Shepard, he knows enough to get by, and he’s sure he has a good team to work with. Especially when they have Liara, who is a major history nerd (not that he’s teasing her - it’s something that she has identified herself as). This is instantly proven during the first round of quick-fire questions where points go to the first team that can answer correctly. She bags the team plenty of points, but the others are not too far behind. 

The room is filled with tension as Steve reads out the last question of the round. “Which is the only country in the world to gain independence against its own will?”

Oh, I actually know this. The second this realisation pops in Shepard’s head, his hand shoots right up.

Except he’s not fast enough. 

“Sorry Shepard, but I think Kaidan had his hand up first,” Steve says. “Let’s see if he can get it right.”

With his competitive streak fully activated, Shepard wishes that he doesn’t. But then he sees the confident smile on the man’s face, and he already knows the outcome. 

“It’s Singapore.” 

A pause, then: “Correct! Your team gets the final point, and that brings us to the end of round one.”

Cheers erupt from his table as James slaps Kaidan on the back, while Javik nods approvingly and Samara claps softly. With their tables right next to each other, Shepard and Kaidan’s eyes meet easily, the latter giving the former a sheepish grin and a shrug, almost as if to apologise for stealing the point. 

“How did you know that?” Shepard asks, slightly peeved for losing but still genuinely curious. 

“My father was stationed there for a while and brought my pregnant mother along. A few months later, I was born,” Kaidan says. “Even though we left soon after, I thought it would be a shame if I didn’t know more about the place, so I went to read up on some of its history.” 

Well, Shepard is greatly impressed, and also intrigued. But before he can ask Kaidan more, Ashley smacks him on the arm. “Stop yapping and focus. We can’t let them win.”

Oh right, there’s still more rounds to come. Shepard shifts until he’s partially turned away from Kaidan, not wanting to get distracted, something that he’s realised Kadian often does to him. With great ease actually, if Shepard really thinks about it. 

But the questions can wait for next time; for now, he’s got a trivia night to win.

*

It’s one of those rare days where Shepard finds himself late for work, so he’s sprinting to the studio once he’s parked his car. He’s about to yell out a quick apology to his employees when he has to immediately come to a screeching halt because he’s about to crash into someone close to the door.

The sudden stop in momentum has him almost falling over, but he manages to catch himself just in time. Only then does he realise who he almost bumped into. “Kaidan? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here with a delivery.”

In all his rush, Shepard only now notices the vase full of vibrant purple blooms in Kaidan’s hands. “Kaidan, you can’t keep giving us free flowers.” 

“Oh, these aren’t free. Someone ordered them for your shop.”

“What?” Shepard asks, seriously confused. “I didn’t.”

“That’s because I did,” says a voice coming through the open door of the office. Shepard turns, and Garrus steps out, looking strangely smug this morning. 

“You’re back early,” Shepard says to his business partner and best friend. “And what’s with the flowers?”

“The thing with my dad got settled faster than I thought it would. And as for the flowers… It’s about time we added some more colour to this place, don’t you think?” Garrus takes the vase from Kaidan and places it on the counter, on the opposite end from the register. “I’ve asked Kaidan to bring us some flowers every week. Might make us less intimidating.”

Immediately, Shepard wants to interject because a) tattoo studios are always going to be intimidating regardless of whether it has a singular vase of flowers or not and b) the mostly black-and-white interior was Garrus’s idea. 

But, as much as Shepard hates to admit it, he’s right. The flowers do add something to the space.

“Guess we’ll be seeing more of each other then,” says Kaidan to the both of them.

The teasing comes almost naturally to Shepard at this point. “Would that be so bad?”

“Not at all. In fact, I’m looking forward to it.” As he says this, his eyes are only focused on Shepard, who is momentarily stunned by the intensity he finds in them.

Yet, that look disappears as quickly as it appeared, and Kaidan is already making his way to the door. “Well, I’ve got to get back. See you guys around!”

After a chorus of byes, Kaidan leaves and Shepard is left standing there, preparing himself for the questions from Garrus that are surely on their way.

His friend looks at him with a raised brow. “So.”

“So.”

“Why is it that I had to hear about our new neighbours from Tali and not from you?”

“It’s not like its life-changing news, Garrus. You would’ve found out when you got back. Plus, she’s your girlfriend, not me.” Shepard pushes past him into the office as he heads to the lockers where they store their bags. “And besides, that didn’t stop you from placing a weekly order for flowers. Which you did without asking me, by the way.” 

Garrus leans against the door frame, arms crossed. “Should I have?”

They’ve known each other for long enough that Shepard wholeheartedly trusts Garrus to handle any major business decisions on his own. And now, by bringing this up over such a small thing… Shepard realises he’s backed himself into a corner. Fuck. 

He mumbles out his next words, hating that he sounds like a petulant child. “... No. They’re just flowers, why should I care?”

“Hmm… exactly. Why do you care?” And with that, an absolutely shit-eating grin grows on Garrus’s face.

“Don’t.” 

“What? I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to. I know exactly what you’re thinking.” Shepard glares, but they’ve clearly known each other for far too long, because Garrus is completely unfazed, a characteristic that he’s surely passed on to the employees somehow. “I’m sure Tali’s a part of it, but I can’t have you joining in with whatever it is the others are trying to do, so stop it.”

Garrus just shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure, you don’t,” Shepard says. He loves his friends dearly, but he also really, really hates them. But what else can he do? Left with no other option but to just sigh exasperatedly, he pushes past Garrus again. 

For the briefest of moments, Shepard thinks he’s in the clear, but he really should have known better by now.

Just as he’s about to sit down at his station, Garrus calls out, loud enough for his employees to hear. “I’ll take that as a thank you for helping you see Kaidan more often?”

Muffled laughs from the rest and that stupid grin on Garrus’s face grows even wider. Shepard wishes he could throw something at him, but he’s not about to write a report for a workplace accident, so all he does is shout “Fuck off!” while flipping Garrus off. 

So far, the only good thing going for him this workday is that his next client doesn’t come until after lunch, so he has the whole morning to work on designs. Putting his earbuds in and cranking the volume up, he grabs his tablet, planning to ignore everyone for the next few hours. 

He starts sketching, and along the way, he finds himself glancing at the flowers Kaidan brought over. Floral designs have never been his specialty - they’re more Kasumi’s - but he’s done them a handful of times. It wouldn’t hurt to practise, so he starts drawing them as well, spending a good few minutes getting the colours just right. 

Once he’s done, he goes online to find out what type they are since he never got the chance to ask. A quick photo search later and the name immediately pops up: morning glory.

Huh, didn’t know they sold these in bouquets, Shepard thinks to himself. It’s unlikely that Garrus would ask for them in particular, so most likely Kaidan made the decision himself. Shepard’s grateful for that, because the purple does add a certain vibrancy to the place, and he can’t keep his eyes off them.

And, despite his best efforts to think otherwise, Shepard spends the rest of the day thinking about the next time he’ll bump into Kaidan, and what new surprise the man will bring with him next.

Chapter Text

Happy birthday, you.

Shepard stares at himself in the mirror. It’s weird, to have only lived slightly over three decades. He doesn’t feel just 32 years old, that’s for sure. What with the life he’s had, he definitely feels older. Hell, he’s pretty sure he looks older too. 

Not that he cares all that much. He spent the first 18 years of his life celebrating his birthday on the last day of the month with the other April kids in the orphanage, all sharing a miserably small and strangely dry cake. And during his time in the gang, birthdays weren’t even a thing that was given a second thought. So, it’s not a particularly special day, just another year around the Sun.

Still, in the years that he’s been on Normandy Street, there’s been people he cares about celebrating his birthday together with him, so maybe he’s changing his mind a little. With that mindset, he decides to put on something nicer: his favourite leather jacket that he wears on nice occasions and his best pair of jeans.

He takes one last glance at the mirror before he leaves the house. Okay, so maybe you look older than 32, but at least you look pretty good.

As he gets into his car, he recalls another thing that he’s been looking forward to for a while now: the Brittany model spaceship. He does drive a little quicker at that, wanting to get his hands on the ship he’s been waiting months for.

Once he’s done parking, he makes a beeline for Flight Deck . But when he opens the door and sees the look on the Joker’s face, he knows he’s gotten all excited for nothing.

“Hey Shepard, hate to be the bearer of bad news but the shipment’s been delayed. Something about the demand being more than what the factory can handle. It’s probably going to take another month,” Joker frowns. “Sorry, man.”

“It’s fine,” Shepherd says, but he knows that he can’t hide the disappointment on his face. But it feels silly to be this worked up about what is essentially a toy, so he can’t even find it in him to be too terribly upset. 

Joker sighs, then gives him a small smile. “Anyway, happy birthday Commander. Drinks are on me tonight, as an apology.”

Shepard waves it off, knowing that Joker isn’t to blame. (Doesn’t mean he won’t accept at least one beer however.)

Soon after, he leaves for his own store, where he’s greeted by a warm round of “happy birthday”s from his employees, providing a much-needed boost. After thanking them, he checks the schedule to find, to his surprise, that he has zero appointments for the day. 

As if anticipating a question, Kasumi pipes up. “All of them rescheduled. You’ve got a free day,” she says with a grin.

Well, this is unexpected. It does give him the time to finally get some paperwork done, as well as the opportunity to work on some designs he’s been planning. He has a few good hours of productivity until noon, but by then, he’s become bored and lethargic, which are not things that he wants to experience on his birthday. Getting lunch outside helps a little - especially when the rest pay for his meal - but it doesn’t prevent him from dreading the rest of the work day. 

However, he doesn’t have to, because as they’re returning to the studio, he watches Kaidan exit his own store, looking frantically around. Their eyes meet, and Kaidan crosses the road over to him.

“Hi guys, I’m so sorry, but is there any way I could borrow one of your cars?” 

Instantly, all eyes fall on Shepard. With Jack riding a motorcycle, Zaeed’s grumbling about his Jeep being stuck at the mechanic’s all week, and Kasumi still committing to her new year’s resolution of both staying healthy and being environmentally friendly by rollerblading to work, it’s a given that it’ll be Shepard’s car. 

He doesn’t mind, but still he asks, “What’s wrong?”

“There’s an order from out of town that I have to collect by the end of the day, but my damn car just had to break down at this exact moment. Plus, Ashley has the day off and I don’t want to bother her,” Kaidan grumbles, brows deeply furrowed. “So, Shepard, can I use your car? I promise to top up the gas when I’m done.”

There’s no way that Shepard’s going to say no, but he does have another thing on his mind. “You know what? I’ll drive you.”

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“You don’t have to. I’ll do it,” Shepard says, already fishing out his car keys. “Besides, I’m free for the rest of the day.”

“It’s a four hour round trip, at least.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t mind a nice drive.” It’s his birthday, after all. Since his original gift for himself didn’t work out, this can be its replacement. After all, it would be much better than being cooped up in his office the whole afternoon anyway, spending hours just doing admin or staring at his tablet. “You guys can handle it right?”

The girls are nodding with those grins on their faces, which Shepard refuses to acknowledge. “Zaeed, you’re in charge as usual.” 

The man nods before urging Jack and Kasumi into the shop. “Alright, we’ve got work to do. And you two -” he turns to Shepard and Kaidan “- get a move on. Don’t want to be late, do ya?”

Grateful that he has one responsible (albeit prickly) employee, Shepard makes his way to the parking lot with Kaidan right beside him. When they get in the car, he has Kaidan type the address into the GPS. They set off once they’re settled, and Kaidan immediately says to him. “Shepard, I can’t thank you enough.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten out of the city anyway, and personally, I think it’s not too bad of a way to spend my birthday.”

His eyes are on the road, but he can sense Kaidan’s eyes widen in shock. “Today’s your birthday and you’re driving me and I don’t have a gift for you?”

“It’s fine, Kaidan,” says Shepard quickly, laughing it off before Kaidan apologises again. It’s not like he’s actually told Kaidan the exact date of his birthday, plus the man is still new here, so Shepard is not the least bit offended. “Like I said, a nice drive out on such a good day? That can be your present.”

He isn’t just saying that to make Kaidan feel better. Shepard has, perhaps surprisingly, liked his date of birth. It’s early spring, with the weather still on the chilly side but not uncomfortably so. The streets are starting to feel alive as more people are out and about, willing to leave their homes as they’re no longer escaping the dreaded cold. Not just humans either; plants are finally recovering from the freeze, growing more and more verdant as the days go by. 

That last aspect is surely not lost on Kaidan, who does relax at Shepard’s reassurance. “I can at least wish you a happy birthday. You’re 32 now, right?”

Shepard nods, and he glances over just in time to see a huge grin appear on the man’s face. “Well then Shepard, happy birthday to you. May the sun shine on your 32 nd year of life, and for many more years to come!”

Both amused and slightly puzzled, Shepard raises an eyebrow. Kaidan merely smiles. “Cheesy, I know. But my parents said it all the time when I was growing up, so it’s become second nature by now.”

“Hey, I like it. And thanks. Always nice to hear something a little different.” And just like that, the rest of the drive is comfortable and pretty fun, with the two of them talking about random topics the entire time in between moments of just singing along to the driving playlist that Shepard’s put on.

It really shouldn’t surprise Shepard, how easy it is to be with Kaidan, what with all the interactions they’ve had over the past two months. But it does, considering that with everybody else, even people like Garrus, there was an initial period of awkwardness before Shepard truly considered them close friends. Not to say that there wasn’t some awkwardness with Kaidan, but it seems like they’ve jumped over that hurdle fairly quickly, or at least faster than Shepard would have expected. 

The thing is, Shepard’s not sure how to feel about that. For so many years he’s been so guarded, the environment he grew up in not exactly conducive for forming deep bonds. He’s gotten better of course, what with having spent time with a crew of truly incredible friends, but still. Kaidan seems to have torn down his defences with such speed and ease that it’s almost… scary. 

Before he can delve even further into his thoughts about the matter, the GPS alerts him to take one final right, and they’ve arrived at their destination. It’s a quaint little farm, a traditional two-storey farmhouse surrounded by an acre of land with a small stall right by the driveway. As Shepard is parking the car, he already spots several small crates of flowers by the porch, watched over by an old man who is no doubt the owner of the property. 

“It’ll just take a minute, got to check in with Mr Turel,” says Kaidan as he gets out. Shepard gets out too, but heads to the trunk of his car, packing stuff away to make space for the flowers. There isn’t much anyway, so once he’s done, he watches Kaidan chatting with the old farmer, the cordial smile on the former’s face a clear indication of a long-standing business relationship. It’s a quick chat, just as Kaidan said, and soon he starts bringing the crates over.

Shepard gets to work on putting them into the car, taking stock of what flowers they are. He’s definitely not as knowledgeable in this field as Kaidan, but he can easily identify the dainty white petals and yellow centre of daisies. Alongside them are the purple-pinks of sweet pea blossoms, vaguely familiar to him since he had to design a tattoo with them once. 

However, he doesn’t recognise the last ones, tiny light pink flowers growing in little clusters. He turns around, planning to ask Kaidan as he brings over the last of the crates, but instead of boxes, the man is holding onto two cups of ice cream, one in each hand. 

“People usually make a special stop here just to get some of the naturally flavoured ice cream. Do you want lavender honey or rose peach?”

There is something profoundly adorable about this sight in front of him, Kaidan smiling with an almost childlike glee with ice cream in hand. But Shepard keeps that to himself, instead looking between his two options before deciding, “Lavender, please.”

Kaidan hands him his choice. “A birthday treat from me. It’s the least I could do.” 

After Shepard thanks him, they decide to take a seat on the hood of the car, enjoying their sweet treats while taking in the view. It’s a cool afternoon, the sun providing just enough heat and plenty of light, shining strong over the fields spread out in front of them, full of flower bushes speckled with a variety of coloured blooms, swaying slightly in the breeze. The highway is just close enough for the sounds of cars to be heard, but far enough to not drown out the ambient noises of the wind, the birds, the gravel beneath their feet whenever they shift just a little.

They eat in comfortable silence, taking the moment to just savour the ice cream (which is really good), until Kaidan speaks up, “Hey, can I ask you something? It’s fine if you don’t want to answer.”

Having just eaten a mouthful, Shepard uses the hand that’s holding onto the spoon to gesture for Kaidan to go ahead. The man pauses a second, as if contemplating if he does in fact want to ask the question, then continues, “Is there something on your mind? Something that’s bothering you?”

The sweetness of the honey isn’t enough to soothe his emotions. He could lie, but it’s abundantly clear that Kaidan would be able to see right through him. “How can you tell?”

“I don’t know. I just can.” Kaidan shrugs, a sympathetic smile gracing his lips. “But really, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I don’t want to force you.”

“It’s okay… You’re right, it’s not something serious, it’s just… this is going to sound stupid.” Shepard knows that he’s probably going to embarrass himself, but with the man looking at him like that, he can’t hide even if he wants to. “You remember that day we met in Joker’s shop, how I was asking him about my order for the model of the Brittany?”

Kaidan nods, and Shepard sighs before continuing, “Well, it was supposed to be my birthday present to myself, but the delivery's delayed and I won’t be getting it for at least another month. I know it’s just a model spaceship, but it was expensive and I’ve been waiting for it for almost a year now, so I can’t help feeling a little disappointed.”

He waits then, staring at his slowly melting ice cream, unable to meet Kaidan’s eyes. He waits for the man to say how trivial the whole matter was, how weird it is for a grown man to be this upset over this, how there could be a thousand and one more pressing matters to be upset over.

But such comments never come. Instead, Kaidan just says, “So that’s why you insisted on driving me.” 

“Yeah, I thought I could distract myself. Or use this little trip as a replacement gift, I guess.”

“The ship not arriving sucks, I know how much you were looking forward to it. But this -” Kaidan moves his hand to gesture around him. “- isn’t too bad of an alternative, I hope?”

Shepard makes a quick assessment. He’s having delicious ice cream on a nice spring day out of the noise of the city, sitting on the hood of his car with a man who’s undoubtedly become a good friend. “Actually, I think this is pretty much perfect.” 

“Because of the ice cream?”

Shepard laughs then, any negativity fully quashed. “That, and also because I have good company.”

With that, Kaidan is beaming at him, brown eyes bright with joy. It’s an adorable sight once again, but it’s not just that. No, this is more than that, because there’s an inexplicable twinge in Shepard’s chest, and he has no idea what it is. 

But before he can examine what it is, Kaidan takes a look at his phone. “That’s the time already? I shouldn’t keep you any longer. Ready to go?”

“Uh… yeah, sure.” Finishing the last scoops of his ice cream, Shepard gets in the car and they begin the drive back. This time however, he’s only half-focused on the conversation, still trying to understand what the hell was that… thing he felt earlier.

By the time they’re about 15 minutes away from Normandy Street, Kaidan finally picks up on how distracted he is. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I was just wondering… other than the daisies and sweet peas, what’s the third flower you’ve got back there?” Internally, Shepard is facepalming himself. He seriously couldn’t think of anything better?

Yet, despite it being an obvious cover-up, Kaidan doesn’t pry. “Oh, those are marjoram. Mostly used for medicinal purposes, but when they’re in bloom they can be really pretty too. Do you like them?”

Shepard has never really considered himself particularly interested in flowers, but he does know how to appreciate them, especially since Kaidan’s been bringing over fresh batches into the studio every week. “Yeah, they do look nice.”

“I can give you some if you want,” Kaidan says, and anticipating Shepard’s question, he quickly continues, “I always get extras to keep. If you like them, we can bring some over to your shop after we drop off the rest. Think of it as a second birthday present.”

The ice cream was already more than he expected, and now another gift? Not only that, but judging by the quality and quantity, those flowers can’t be cheap, so for him to just get them for free? 

He knows that he should object, but then he takes a quick glance at Kaidan and sees nothing but sincerity in those deep brown eyes. How can he possibly refuse? “I have to at least pay you for them....”

“You don’t need to, really. I’m just happy you like them.” 

With those words, there’s that twinge in his chest again. Did the ice cream give him heartburn? No, that doesn’t make any sense. But then, what the hell is happening?

In the last few minutes of the drive, Shepard keeps on trying to figure out what’s going on with himself, but by the time he’s parked the car, he’s no closer to figuring it out than he was all the way back at the farm. Luckily, he’s momentarily distracted as he helps to unload the flowers. 

As he does, Kaidan puts aside one crate. “You know what, let me add some of the daisies and sweet peas for you too. Give it some variety.” Before Shepard can even mention how this is more than he deserves, Kaidan is already picking up another crate and carrying it to his shop. 

Left completely amazed at how the man is this generous, Shepard can only follow behind him with his own crate. The two make quick work of it, and soon he’s locking up his car as Kaidan carries the remaining flowers to the studio. 

Just as Shepard has unlocked the back door, he notices Kaidan nervously patting down his pockets. “Damn it. I must’ve dropped my wallet in your car.”

Finally, a chance to do something in return. “I’ll go get it. You can head in first.”

He dashes back to the parking lot, and when he opens the passenger door, he spots the black leather wallet below the seat. As he grabs it, the thought comes to mind that he really should pay for the extra flowers. He has to, if only as a small show of gratitude.

He jogs back to his store and opens the door, already prepared to explain, “Hey, Kai-”

“Happy birthday, Shepard!”

He nearly jumps out of shock as he hears the chorus of cheers and sees the wide grins of everyone gathered in the studio. “What is this?”

“It’s a surprise party, silly!” exclaims Tali, almost visibly shaking with excitement. 

“But why?” Shepard asks. It’s not that he’s ungrateful, but he can’t help but wonder. 

“Because,” Garrus says, stepping out from the back. “For the past few years, all we’ve done for your birthday is go to Steve’s for a few rounds of drinks. We finally decided that you deserve a little more than that.”

The rest nod along, agreeing enthusiastically. What did he do to deserve such good friends? 

It’s almost too much. He’s about to thank them, but then he takes a look around the place. Streamers and balloons hang from the ceiling, wrapped gifts are piled onto the front counter, a buffet table off to the side with food that’s already making his mouth water. 

“Hold on, if you guys had to prepare all this, then…” The realisation hits him. He turns to Kaidan. “Is your car even broken?!”

The man has on a smile that is both embarrassed and playful. “No, it’s working perfectly fine.”

“Don’t blame him, we all planned it together,” Jack interjects, and just loudly enough for Shepard to hear, she adds, “I just knew Kaidan would be the perfect distraction for you.” 

He pretends that he doesn’t hear that last part. Instead, he just asks her, “So, what about all my appointments?”

Kasumi is the one who answers. “No, that really was just a happy coincidence. Seriously, all but one of them actually rescheduled. The last one I took for myself.” She ignores the pointed look directed at her and continues, “It was just a small butterfly tattoo, you wouldn’t have liked doing it anyway.” 

Shepard should be mad, but how can he when they’ve planned all this, put in so much effort for him ? So, he lets go and joins in on the fun, spending the rest of the night celebrating his birthday.

Drinks, great food, silly little party games; it’s all so much more than he ever expected when he got up this morning. Then there’s the cake. A simple but carefully crafted beauty with red and white frosting, a joint effort between Mordin and Jack (an unlikely duo, but one that he’s grateful for nonetheless). Surrounded by his friends, he soaks up the warmth of them singing “Happy Birthday” to him. 

When he blows out the candles, he only has one wish: May all days be like today. Because really, there’s nothing more that he could ever ask for.

The cake is quickly cut and shared. As Shepard tucks in, he finds himself naturally drifting towards Kaidan, who has stationed himself near the front of the store, using the front desk as a table to eat his own slice.

“So,” Shepard says, walking up to him. “I didn’t know you were such a good actor.”

As the man swallows a mouthful, the sheepish smile returns. “I’m sorry. I really hated lying to you, but we needed you to get out of the studio.”

Shepard just shakes his head and smiles at him. “It’s alright, but I have to ask: how did you know I would drive you instead of just letting you take my car?”

“That’s a question I had too, but Garrus said that you would. I guess he was right.” 

Scanning the room, Shepard finds Garrus chatting away with Tali. Their eyes meet from across the store, and all Garrus does is give a knowing nod and the smuggest of smirks.

You bastard. Shepard glares at him. He almost hates that his best friend knows him so well. And now, he’s wondering if Zaeed’s jeep has really been at the mechanic, or if Ashley was even having a day off. Was all of it part of the plan?

Putting that away for now, he turns back to Kaidan. “What about the flowers? Was that part of the distraction too?”

“Yes and no. I did have to pick them up today, but that’s because I ordered them for this party.” Kaidan immediately notices Shepard’s confused look, so he explains. “Daisy and sweet pea, April birth flowers.”

“And the marjoram?”

“They complement the other two. Plus, they symbolise joy and happiness, things that I hope you’ll have plenty of this year.”

Shepard can only stare at this man before him. How is he even real? “Kaidan…”

“Now before you thank me,” Kaidan teases, “I have one last surprise.”

Another? What more could he give him? These questions are quickly answered when Kaidan pulls out a large box from the pile of presents next to them. 

“For you,” Kaidan says as he pushes it to Shepard.

It’s a beautifully wrapped box, and on it there’s a small tag. Written on it in neat handwriting is From Kaidan and Joker .

“Wait… so you did get me something?” Shepard asks, to which Kaidan nods. “Then what about the ice cream?”

“That was just a little something extra.” And before Shepard can say anything else, Kaidan adds, “Now open it.”

Shepard pulls apart the wrapping paper to find, in all its glory, the Brittany model ship that he ordered. He stares at it for a few good seconds, unable to comprehend what he's seeing. “I don’t understand. I thought…”

“While we were all planning this party, I was trying to figure out what to get you. It just so happened that you came into Joker’s store that day and told me about this.” Kaidan says, placing a hand on the box. “When you left, I asked Joker about it and we came up with a plan: he would lie to you about it not arriving on time so that we could surprise you with it.”

Kaidan then reaches to the side, pulling out an envelope still tucked between the box and the wrapping paper. “Also, a birthday gift is really only a gift if you get it for free, so Joker and I decided to split the cost between us and give you back the money you originally paid for it.”

Shepard takes the envelope from him. He opens it up and does a quick count, finding the exact amount there. It’s a sizable stack of money, so while he’s happy to get it back, it’s still a lot to pay even when halved. 

“Kaidan, this is too much.” He’s known this man for what, about two months? And yet, he’s done all this. Why? “I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to thank you.”

“For what?”

“For… everything, I guess. For welcoming me, for helping me when I needed it, for just talking to me whenever we saw each other. I’m starting to feel at home here, and while everyone’s been so nice, it’s really because of you.”

They’re not even standing that particularly close to each other, but Kaidan’s presence feels overwhelming, with his soulful brown eyes and gracious smile all directed at Shepard. 

The twinge in his chest makes itself known again.

Oh. Shepard knows what it means now.

Oh. He’s fallen, completely and utterly, head over heels, for Kaidan. 

This realisation takes Shepard by surprise. Sure, it’s one thing to find the man physically attractive, but now? This handsome man, who’s unlike anyone he’s ever met before, that’s also proven himself to be kind and dorky and good ? 

So yes, Shepard does like him. Very, very much. To the point where Shepard finds himself staring at Kaidan’s lips wondering how the cake might taste on them. 

He tears his eyes away, focusing them back on Kaidan’s face. Only now, it’s worse because he’s imagining what it might be like to fall asleep and wake up to this gorgeous man, their arms wrapped around each other as they lie in bed talking, perhaps after a round or two of se-

“Shepard, Kaidan, get over here! We need to take a group picture!”

He’s shaken out of his thoughts and quickly turns away before Kaidan has the chance to ask him why he's gone quiet all of sudden. The two of them make their way to the rest, getting into place for the picture. Shepard is in the centre of course, and with everyone wanting to be close to the birthday boy, Kaidan can only squeeze in from the side. Shepard is appreciative of the distance though, because he’s not sure what will happen if Kaidan were to press up against him at this moment. 

As Liara works on setting up the camera, Shepard has the time to think about this earth-shattering revelation and what would happen if he tells him.

Kaidan thanked him for welcoming him, for bringing him into this tight-knit circle of friends that’s more like a family to him. If Kaidan doesn’t return those feelings, then it would surely ruin everything. The past few months of whatever relationship they’ve built would go down the drain, and everyone around them would just feel awkward, especially if they start taking sides or worse, try forcing them together anyway. 

The man’s store has only been open for a few months; the last thing Shepard wants is to drive him away. Outside of whatever he’s feeling, Kaidan has become a good friend, and Shepard absolutely does not want to risk losing him. 

Just as the timer is set and Liara rushes back, Shepard makes his decision. 

He’s not going to say anything. For the sake of keeping the peace, as much as it might hurt, he’s going to keep all the feelings hidden away until he can do something about them. Whatever that might be.

He forces a smile that he knows does not reach his eyes. 

This is all going to be fine… right? 

Chapter Text

Having just finished a four-hour-long tattoo session, Shepard steps outside of the studio to stretch and get some fresh air like he usually does. Just then, he sees Ashley leave the flower shop, speaking frenziedly on the phone as she runs her hand through her hair, practically pulling it out. When she ends the call less than a minute later, her eyes meet Shepard’s, and she hurries over to him. "Shep, can you help me?"

He’s hit with an immediate sense of Deja-vu. The whole birthday party deception was barely over a month ago, but he doubts that this is a repeat of that. "What's wrong?"

"There's been this mix-up with our supplier, and for some stupid reason, I can only deal with it right now and in person. But Kaidan's sick and I promised to check in on him, so I would really appreciate it if you could help with that."

Kaidan's sick? No wonder Shepard hasn't seen him that day (not that he’s been actively looking for him). From Ashley's concern, it must be bad. And, if Shepard’s right to assume, Kaidan is alone, which he knows from experience is one of the worst things to be when you're really sick, so how can he not help? Plus, he doesn’t have any appointments for the rest of the day, so there’s no need for him to go through the hassle of calling up clients to reschedule. 

"Sure. Do you need me to get anything?"

"I've already placed a to-go order at Mordin's, so you just need to pick that up. I'll text you his address," she says, then gives him a tight hug. "Thank you so much, Shepard. I owe you a drink!" Before he can even reply, she’s already running off to the parking lot. 

He pokes his head back into the studio to give his employees a heads up, as well as a glare, pointedly directed at both Jack and Kasumi, shutting down any scandalous theories they might want to conjure up. After giving Garrus a quick estimation as to when he’ll be back, he heads over to the diner. 

"Hey Mordin," he greets as he enters, "I'm helping Ashley pick up Kaidan's order."

“Ah yes, the steak sandwich. Almost done with it.”

Shepard contemplates for a second, then adds. “Actually, can you make another? I wouldn’t mind one myself.” Not that he’s particularly hungry at the moment – he always eats a heavier meal before longer sessions – but he’s never been able to resist grabbing something from Mordin’s.  

“Of course. Just give me a moment.” As always, the man works quickly, and just ten minutes later he’s done, handing Shepard a paper bag. 

It smells amazing, and he can’t wait to tuck in. But, as he picks up the bag, he notices two containers alongside the paper-wrapped sandwiches. “Soup?”

“Chicken noodle. Perfect for when you’re under the weather.” Then, with a wink, he says, “On the house.”

A smile grows on Shepard’s face. It warms his heart to know that everyone on the street has fully welcomed their two newest neighbours into the family, showing them as much care and concern as they do with everybody else. 

Thanking Mordin, Shepard heads for his car, getting Kaidan’s address via text from Ashley along the way. He types it into his GPS, and a short drive later, he’s soon pulling up to a nice one-storey house with a well-maintained front yard. 

He always had a sense that Kaidan’s more well-off than he let on, but this only confirms it: the house is modestly-sized, but one that does still seem to be a bit beyond a mere florist’s salary. But Kaidan has never once come off as a snob, the man having been nothing but down-to-earth, so Shepard tells himself that it’s not a big deal.

After parking his car, he grabs the food and heads to the front door. Reaching under the third flower pot on the right, he finds the spare key that Ashley had texted him about. Quietly, he opens the door and is greeted by the sight of a tastefully decorated and incredibly neat living room. No sign of a sick Kaidan lying on the couch, so he must be in his bedroom. 

Ashley hadn’t informed him of the floorplan, but it isn’t hard to figure out. Along the hall there are just three doors, and only one is closed. After setting the food down in the kitchen first, he makes his way over to the door, giving it the softest of knocks. “Kaidan?”

No response. Knocking again, he says, “Kaidan, I’m coming in.”

Ever so slowly, Shepard enters. With all the lights switched off and the curtains drawn, the room is dark save for the tiniest sliver of light peeking through the gaps between the fabric. With that bit of light, Shepard can just about make out, lying in the middle of the bed and wrapped in deep blue sheets, Kaidan.

Despite his best attempts to keep the noise down, Kaidan still senses him, waking up and peering at him in confusion with bleary brown eyes. “Shepard?”

“Hey Kaidan,” he says gently. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better.” The man rubs his hand across his face, but his brows remain furrowed. “What are you doing here?”

“Ashley had to deal with some problems with your shop, so she sent me here to help.”

“Damn it. I’m so sorry. I’m sure you’re busy.”

“It’s no trouble at all. In fact, if I’m being honest, you’re helping me procrastinate from doing some boring paperwork.” Shepard gives Kaidan a small smile, one that he returns, but it’s clear that even doing so hurts him. “What happened?”

“Migraine. I’ve had them since I was a kid. I can handle them just fine on most days, but this one is particularly bad,” Kaidan says as he winces.

Shepard’s heart aches. He can’t even begin to imagine how horrible it must be living with chronic migraines. “Well then, let’s see if getting some food into your system will help. Why don’t you wash up while I get the sandwiches ready.”

Kaidan’s face brightens up a little at that. “From Mordin’s?”

Shepard can’t help but chuckle. “Would I bring any others?”

Kaidan starts getting up, and Shepard leaves him to it, heading back to the kitchen. The food is still warm, so all he has to do is transfer them onto some plates and bowls before grabbing two spoons, putting them all down onto the dining table. 

With nothing left to do, only then does it hit him that he’s actually in Kaidan’s home. And as much as he hates the idea and wants to stop himself, it really is the perfect time to do a little snooping around. 

Moving back into the living room, Shepard glances around. As expected, there are plenty of plants around the space, all healthy and lush. Various framed photos are also littered about, and upon closer inspection, he notices that most of them are of Kaidan with an older couple, no doubt his parents. They look like the picture-perfect family, all three of them smiling in various holiday locations. Seeing them, Shepard tries to ignore the sting in his chest. 

Eventually, he gets to the TV console, where, standing inside a little container beside a photo of the family in front of what looks like the Niagara Falls, are three flags. There is the iconic red, white and maple leaf of the Canadian flag; the distinctive blue and yellow Ukrainian flag; and finally, the blue, purple, and pink stripes of the bisexual pride flag.

And yes, it is that last one that really catches Shepard’s eye. His heart skips a little. It’s the confirmation that he didn’t even know he was looking for, but now that he has this information, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

Fortunately, he’s distracted from such thoughts when he hears footsteps. Unfortunately, this also means that he’s just been caught in the act. 

He sheepishly turns back around to find Kaidan sitting down at the dining table, watching with an amused smile on his face. Shepard quickly hurries back to the kitchen, taking his own seat. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. If our places were reversed, I’d probably be looking around too," says Kaidan, already picking up his sandwich.

Relieved that he isn’t offended, Shepard starts tucking into his own food. As always, Mordin never disappoints, most evident by the look of Kaidan's face, looking almost euphoric with every bite. Shepard can’t stop himself from smiling at this sight, and neither can he stop watching, happy that Kaidan still has a good appetite despite his migraine.

The two of them eat in comfortable silence until Kaidan places the remaining half of his sandwich down to get a spoonful of the soup. As he does so, Shepard notices a smidge of sauce staining the man's chin.

"Hey, you've got a little something…" Shepard points vaguely to the same spot on his own face. 

Kaidan reaches for a napkin and wipes, but he misses. Shepard gestures again, with Kaidan also missing again. 

In that moment, Shepard's body reacts faster than his brain. Before he can even process what he’s doing, he’s already reaching across, pressing his thumb gently against Kaidan's chin and swiping the digit across to remove the stain. 

Only when he’s pulled his hand back does it hit him. Mortified with cheeks burning, he can only stare as Kaidan stares back at him, brown eyes wide open and face flushed from what definitely isn’t the heat of the soup. 

Kaidan clears his throat, then a smile graces his lips. It’s small, but it speaks volumes. "Thanks."

"No worries," Shepard replies, but now he hates how awkward it’s become. Wanting to get rid of the uncomfortable tension that now fills the room, he tries his best to distract by switching topics. "So… you're Ukrainian?"

Wow , he inwardly cringes, real smooth.

If Kaidan thought so too, he doesn’t show it. "On my dad's side, hence the last name. And before you ask, no, I don’t know how to speak the language. My family's been here for generations now, so I didn’t grow up with it. I’ve been trying to learn it though, but it’s been challenging.”

The awkwardness from before thankfully dissipated, Shepard chuckles at how animated Kaidan is now, a clear sign of how he’s feeling better. 

“What about you?” Kaidan then asks. “Any international blood in your family?”

Ah, that. There’s no point beating around the bush, so Shepard just says, “Well, I never knew my parents, so I wouldn’t know.”

The smile on Kaidan’s face immediately drops, and he’s just about to open his mouth when Shepard stops him. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t know. Besides, growing up in an orphanage, it was something I accepted pretty quickly.”

A beat of silence, then, “Did you ever think about finding them?”

“... Not really. If it’s because they’re no longer here, then there’s really no point, but I do wish them peace. Or, if they’re still around, I would like to think that they gave me up for a good reason, so I don’t think I want to remind them of that decision.” While part of him did ache with yearning as he was looking at Kaidan’s family pictures, he has long since acknowledged that finding his birth parents wouldn’t change the life that he’s had. And while he might not have any blood relatives that he knows of, he’s found his own family of friends in the end. “Anyway, I think I turned out just fine without them.”

The smile returns to Kaidan’s lips. “I think so too.” 

That sends a flash of heat through Shepard’s body, but before he can think too much about it, the other man is already moving on to another topic. Setting that aside for now, they continue chatting as they eat. 

It’s a much welcome respite in the middle of what has been a particularly stressful week, and Shepard is enjoying himself immensely. Such an intimate chat, just the two of them in the peaceful quiet of Kaidan’s home, bonding over good food while sharing bits of information about themselves, it almost feels like…

A date.

Spending time together like this is making things worse. It’s giving him a sneak peek of what it’s actually like to be with Kaidan, which might all just end up being wishful thinking in the end if it turns out that Shepard has been reading too much into Kaidan’s actions. 

No matter what his ever-growing feelings for the man are doing to him, he is determined not to ruin this friendship, to not sour the community that is the Normandy. So, he does as he has been doing since that little moment during his birthday: he pushes those feelings all the way down, focusing solely on simply enjoying the time he’s spending with Kaidan. 

Sadly, something does end up interrupting the good mood, though from no fault of Shepard’s. They’ve both finished their food, and Kaidan is getting up and offering to do the dishes when he winces, collapsing back into the chair. 

Shepard hurries over to his side, not wanting him to get injured and end up worsening the already relentless pain. “Is it back?”

“It never left, but the pain comes and goes in waves.” Kaidan is bent over, elbows on his knees as he takes deep breaths. 

Heart aching, Shepard feels useless, only able to stand there as he watches. Then, a memory resurfaces in his mind. Maybe, just maybe, there is something he could do.

He settles himself down on the nearest chair, turning until he’s facing Kaidan. "I think I know something that can help. May I?"

Kaidan straightens back up slightly, looking at him with deeply furrowed brows. "At this point, I'll take whatever you can give. So please, go ahead."

Gingerly, Shepard reaches forward. Thumbs on Kaidan's forehead, he cards the rest of his fingers through thick hair to rest on the scalp and moves them in gentle circles. Ignoring how warm he feels at the points of contact, he focuses on being as careful as possible, not wanting to aggravate the pain even more.

As he does so, the tension seems to visibly leave Kaidan, his shoulders relaxing and fists unclenching ever so slowly. Despite this, Shepard can’t help but make sure. "Is it working?"

"It still hurts, but at least isn’t like there’s a drill going off against the inside of my skull." Brown eyes look warmly at him. "Where did you learn that?"

Shepard considers for a moment if he should tell the whole story, but he and Kaidan have already shared so much with each other, so what’s a little more? "In the orphanage where I grew up, it was so poorly funded and there were so many of us that the nurse just couldn't be bothered most of the time. If you got sick, she would just give you whatever medicine she had in stock and send you back to sleep it off. You wouldn't even be quarantined or anything, just back to the room you shared with nine other filthy kids."

A sadness now tinged Kaidan's expression, and while part of Shepard doesn’t want to be pitied, he’s still deeply grateful for the sympathetic listening ear. He continues, "Anyway, I got a really bad cold this one time. My nose was all stuffed up and the meds certainly didn't help, so I was stuck with a really horrible headache. I forget how old I was, but I was probably quite young, just crying my eyes out because the pain wouldn’t go away and I didn't know what else to do."

The memories all start flooding back. The scratchy bedsheets, the shrill screaming of rambunctious children running all over the place, the damp smell that was just barely concealed by the over-abundance of cheap air fresheners. A horrible childhood that Shepard is only happy to have left behind. 

"But there was this girl, one of the older kids there. She and a few others always tried their best to look after us whenever the adults didn't, which was most of the time. I guess someone complained to her about me being a nuisance through the night, so she came to find me."

From the depths of his memory, he can just make out shining green eyes and striking red hair. A sharp face with a dangerous expression, telling of a girl that wasn’t afraid to start a fight, especially if it’s to protect someone else. 

“She asked me what’s wrong, and I remember saying something through all the snot and tears. I was about to bury myself back under the covers when I felt her press her fingers to my head. Next thing I know, for the next few minutes, she just did this.” 

Shepard can count on one hand the few good memories he had during his childhood in that godforsaken place, and that was one of them. Affection came few and far between, and young Shepard definitely didn’t believe he was deserving of it. Until that moment.

“I was still sick for a couple of days after, but I had gotten over most of the pain. And even though I was so grateful for the help, the worst part of all this is… I can’t remember her name.” It has been eating away at the back of his mind the entire time he’s been retelling this story, guilty over how he’s failed to even recall the name of the girl who showed him care and concern where there was rarely any. 

Sensing this shift, Kaidan speaks up. “What happened to her after that?”

The shame pushed aside for now, Shepard continues digging into those distant memories. “She got adopted a while after I got better. This couple came in, looking for a well-behaved kid who wouldn’t cause any trouble, possibly good with other children. She fit the bill, plus she was older so it wasn’t too big of a commitment. The day after the visit, her bed was empty and all her belongings were gone. None of us knew where she went.”

“Well, wherever she is, I hope she knows that she’s greatly appreciated.” Kaidan’s whiskey brown eyes meet Shepard’s blue. “If it weren’t for her, you wouldn’t be here helping me.” 

Shepard’s entire being fills with warmth at the sentiment. It’s true, and as sappy as it is, nothing feels greater than being able to pay such kindness forward, even if it’s been more than two decades. Still, he decides to stop with the massage before it can do more harm than good. “Feeling better?”

Kaidan’s smile grows larger. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Good. Now, I think it’s time you get some more rest.”

Kaidan nods. He then reaches for the plates once again, but Shepard immediately stops him. “Oh no you don’t.”

“Shepard, I’m fine. Besides, you’ve done enough.” Kaidan pushes himself off the chair, but it’s clear that he’s only just barely tolerating the pain.

“The last thing either of us want is for you to faint, so go back to bed. I’ll be done with this soon.”

Knowing that Shepard isn’t going to relent, Kaidan accepts and slowly hobbles back to his bedroom. In the meantime, Shepard washes the dishes and puts them aside to dry. Spotting a box of tea bags on the counter, he quickly decides to also make a cup of ginger tea for his friend.

Once that’s done, he makes his way to the room, opening the door to find Kaidan already tucking himself back into bed, wearing a new set of pjs. Shepard sits down where he had previously, handing the cup to Kaidan. “Here, made you this. Have some before it gets cold.”

Kaidan takes a few deep sips before asking, “How can I thank you enough for doing all this?”

Shepard grins, teasing, “You could get me another free drink.”

“Another?”

“Ashley promised me one for helping.”

“Of course. A drink on me then, for coming all this way.” Kaidan looks at him and says, in a voice rich with what can only be described as affection mixed with awe, “What would I do without you?”

You’ll never find out.

Internally, Shepard shocks himself by having that as the first thought that crosses his mind. It’s obvious that his feelings for the man in front of him are deepening. But now is not the time to act on them. Yet again, he pushes them aside, because he doesn’t need them in the way.

And hide them he does, only smiling at Kaidan while simply saying, “Get some sleep Kaidan. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Kaidan nods before closing his eyes to drift back into slumber, and once he starts snoring softly, Shepard leaves as quietly as he can. But when he closes and locks the front door behind him, the relief is mixed with some kind of profound longing, both of which rest uncomfortably on his heart. His job is done: he checked in on Kaidan like he was asked. 

So why does he not want to leave?

Has he really grown this attached to Kaidan this quickly?

He can’t think about that right now. Glancing at his watch, he realises that he’s spent a lot more time here than he expected. He jumps back into his car and drives off, cranking the volume up on the music, hoping that - at least for the drive back - he can drown out all the complicated thoughts and emotions that are whirling about inside him.

It works, at least until he gets back to the shop. Back there, the mischievous grins on Jack and Kasumi’s faces, plus his needing to fend off their invasive questions, make things worse.

It also doesn’t help when Shepard arrives at work the next morning to find, waiting at his station, a vase of vivid yellow lilies. His two extremely nosy employees are peeking around the corner, awaiting his reaction, to which Shepard is refusing to give them the satisfaction, especially since his cheeks are growing incredibly warm. Of course he’s blushing, how can he not when this is the first time anyone has given him flowers?

Chapter Text

“Wow, big place!”

“That your professional opinion, Kaidan?”

Suppressing a laugh, Shepard watches as Kaidan and Ashely take in the massive beach house in front of them. It was given to Shepard by his mentor Anderson, who allowed him free use of it whenever he wanted since the latter had retired and moved to London.

With such a huge place, Shepard didn't feel right enjoying it all by himself. The first time, he had only brought along Garrus and his employees, but even then, it felt too empty. By the next year, everyone who worked on Normandy Street was invited, and the rest was history. The insane partying always led to horrible hangovers, but no one would ever regret a thing. It’s been a tradition for five years now, to pick a weekend in summer, usually in July, for all of them to make their way down here. This year, it’s no question that their new neighbours are joining them.

“If you think it’s impressive now, just wait till you get inside. The view of the beach is insane,” Shepard says, and as expected, the two quickly grab their things and make their way in. Shepard follows behind, watching as the rest of the Normandy crew mill about the place, putting away the supplies they’ve gotten for the trip or make their way to their assigned bedrooms.

Speaking of, as large as the house is, there are only six bedrooms so they have to share. It’s randomly assigned each year, and with two new additional guests this year they’ve had to do some reshuffling, but it got settled pretty easily: the girls were three to a room, while the boys had two rooms of five and one of four.

Thanks to the luck of the draw, Shepard is in the room of four, his roommates for this year being Garrus, Joker, and Grunt. These guys aren’t the worst roomies, but when the assignments were decided on last week, there was a moment where Shepard felt the smallest twinge of disappointment. 

If it’s because he’s not sharing a room with Kaidan, he wouldn’t know, because he refuses to acknowledge it; after all, it’s not as if this is some sleep-away camp and he didn’t get to be bunkmates with his friend. If anything, he’s absolutely thrilled because he is actually rooming with his best friend. 

But also, it’s not as if anybody’s going to ask him about this, so why is he even thinking about all of this in the first place? 

Before he can even answer his own rhetorical question, a shout from the front door breaks him out of his thoughts. “Delivery’s here!”

Since it’s always already evening by the time everyone got there, along with the long journey, they usually just ordered takeout for the first night and had an early night in to conserve their energy for the next two days. Tonight’s no different, with about twenty pizza boxes spread out on the kitchen island, dining table, and coffee table.

As Shepard chows down on a slice of pepperoni pizza, he takes a moment to appreciate the people around him. Summer has always been a busy time for Normandy Street, with few opportunities for them to spend time together, given that everyone unsurprisingly wanted to just go home at the end of a long day or even longer week. That’s why he’s always thankful for these annual summer trips, glad that he and his friends get a chance to let loose and relax, even if it’s just for a weekend.

It’s this thought that allows Shepard to drift easily off to sleep a while later. Even with Grunt’s loud snoring, he succumbs quickly to slumber, excited for the two days ahead of him.

~

Bacon. That’s the smell that Shepard wakes up to. He glances around to find that none of his roommates are up yet, with Grunt still snoring away while Joker and Garrus are still dead to the world. 

He checks his phone. 7:08 a.m. A little earlier than he would have liked, but his brain has already started up for the day, encouraged by the delicious scent of meat frying on a pan. So, he tiptoes to the bathroom to wash up and get changed, then makes his way down. 

The kitchen is empty save for the person cooking. Kitchen duties are on a rotation too, with two or three of them assigned to each meal. Newcomers aren’t exempt, so it’s Kaidan that he finds by the stove, tongs in one hand and the pan in the other. 

The man doesn’t notice him until he reaches the coffee machine. “Oh, good morning!”

“Morning.” Shepard pours himself a cup, then takes a long sip as he observes. Despite the chipper greeting, Kaidan still has a minor case of bed-hair, with the slightest hint of dark circles under his eyes. He’s clearly not a morning person. “You’re up early.”

“Yeah, couldn't sleep. Guess I’m too excited.” Kaidan shrugs as he places the crispy bacon onto a plate and loads another batch of raw slices onto the pan, the loud sizzle sending little tiny droplets of oil leaping out. “Thought I could get started on breakfast.”

“Do you want me to wake Samantha up for you? It’s not fair that you’re doing this by yourself.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s just bacon and eggs,” Kaidan says as he gestures to the two ingredients that he has on the countertop next to him. “If she’s late, then I’ll just get her to do the cleaning up. Now that is something I’ll avoid if I can.” 

Both of them laugh at that, and a warm tingle travels through Shepard’s being that isn’t caused by the coffee. Just the two of them here in this space, it feels good. Nice. Easy. All of it really, because he’s just enjoying being able to spend time with Kaidan like this without any of his damn feelings getting in the way. 

The others start making their way down a few minutes later, and Shepard decides to join a few of them at the dining table, not wanting to distract Kaidan from his breakfast duties (which he’s right to do, considering that Samantha’s one of the last to show up, and as predicted, she’s stuck with doing the dishes once she’s done with her own food). Outside of food though, they’re all free to do whatever they want: there’s a whole house full of activities and the expansive beach in front of them, which is where most of them head to first, wanting to enjoy the much milder morning sun. 

While some opt for suntanning, swimming or just general relaxation, Shepard’s never been one who can just sit still and do nothing. So, as he has done for the past years, he sets up the volleyball net, with Miranda quickly joining him as Jacob and Javik head to the opposite side.

With a great teammate and equally great opponents, Shepard easily works up a sweat, enjoying the burn in his muscles as he dives across the sand or jumps for a hard spike. As always, some of the others gather to watch, their loud cheers giving him a boost of energy. 

It’s an intense match, so as expected, the players switch around a lot too. Not Shepard though. Call him stubborn, but he’ll play until he physically cannot stand the ever-increasing heat. That’s not to say it doesn’t get to him. Bent over with his hands on his knees, he takes a moment to catch his breath as the game briefly pauses for Jacob tapping Garrus in as his substitute. 

“Hey, Miran-” Shepard turns to discuss strategy, only to see Miranda switching with Kaidan, the two fist-bumping as they cross paths. 

“Hey, hope you don’t mind,” Kaidan says as he jogs over. “I haven’t played volleyball since I was in high school, but I’ll try my best.” 

“Well, I hope you’re ready. Those two are a deadly combo.”

“I can tell, but don’t worry. I’ve got your back.” Kaidan flashes a big grin and a thumbs up, which Shepard returns in kind.

“I know you do,” Shepard tells him, knowing that Kaidan can be just as competitive as him. He’s right not to worry, because they work great together, with Kaidan’s skilled defence helping Shepard’s offence. They easily match the other two point-for-point, with neither team getting a huge lead. 

The match continues, and Shepard’s still full of energy. His only concern, however, is that it is getting really hot, the sun shining high in the sky already. His tee’s sticking uncomfortably to his body, so without really thinking about it, he pulls his shirt off and tosses it in the general direction of his water bottle. He only put on the barest layer of sunscreen, so there’s a good chance he’s going to get badly tanned or even sunburned, but he can’t care about that right now, not when he sees his opponents whispering to each other, no doubt discussing tactics. 

He wants to do the same, but when he looks to Kaidan, he notices the man just standing there, staring at him while slightly slack-jawed. 

“You okay?” Shepard asks, concerned. “Do you need some more water?”

“Uh yeah, water, right.” Kaidan rushes to grab his own bottle, leaving Shepard genuinely worried. They really should probably stop soon. So, when Kaidan comes back, face flushed red, Shepard says as much to him and the other two, suggesting they end when whichever team gets to another five points first. 

And he’s glad that he does, because the moment he spikes the ball into the opposing side and scores that final point, all four of them are absolutely drenched in sweat. Still, it doesn’t take away from the victory, Shepard immediately whooping in triumph and high fiving Kaidan. 

Once they bring down the net, all of them quickly make their way back to the house where they’re greeted by sweet air conditioning. The rest of the afternoon is spent indoors; after a satisfying lunch of club sandwiches courtesy of Grunt and Jack, Shepard fills his time with several rousing rounds of Mario Kart and Jackbox Party games, followed by a comedy movie marathon. After such an intense morning, it feels perfect to be sinking comfortably into the couch cushions while surrounded by the screams and laughter of his friends.

Before he knows it, it’s almost dinner time, and lucky for all of them, Mordin’s on cooking duty. So, sitting on one of the barstools, Shepard watches as the chef gets into his zone, working efficiently as he directs Joker and Kasumi, the stressed out looks on their faces almost comical as they try to keep up with Mordin’s pace.

It’s a marvel how they get the food done for so many people in such a short amount of time: in just over an hour, plates of gorgeous looking pasta are ready to be served. But as delicious as it looks, Shepard can’t tuck in just yet. Someone’s still missing.

Kaidan had ducked out sometime during the third movie, telling Shepard that he’s going to take a quick dip in the pool. So, that’s where he goes to get him, but he immediately stops short at the sight that awaits him.

Kaidan is lying semi-submerged on one of the inflatable pool floats, with one hand around a bottle of beer. The other is tucked underneath the back of his head, with the way he has his arm slung back only serving to show off his bicep. His wet t-shirt is clinging to his body, the dark material doing absolutely everything to define what’s hidden underneath while his shorts end mid-thigh, highlighting muscular legs. 

He is an absolute feast for the eyes. 

But what really does it for Shepard is simply the way Kaidan has positioned himself, lounging languidly, legs splayed open resting on either side of the float, face relaxed as he stares off into the horizon watching the sun set. 

All of it is too much for Shepard to process, and he finds himself just standing there, staring. Luckily, Kaidan doesn’t notice, so Shepard allows himself a few more seconds to take it all in before he clears his throat to get the other man’s attention. “Dinner’s ready.”

“Be right there.” Kaidan sits up, but then he takes a look around, clearly only now noticing that he’s floating right in the middle of the pool with no way to get out unless he plunges himself into the water. “On second thought, mind giving me a hand?”

He sticks out his hand, and Shepard can’t help but laugh at the goofiness of it, the mood whiplash leaving him a little incredulous. Still, he reaches for Kaidan’s hand and pulls him to the edge of the pool. It takes a little manoeuvring, but eventually they successfully get him out without even spilling a single drop of beer.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Shepard says, only to realise that there is a problem, it being that they’re now standing way too close, with the light of the setting sun doing stupid things to Kaidan’s stupid handsome face. 

Somehow, he’s able to tear his attention away long enough to splutter, “I’ll grab you a towel. Meet you in the kitchen.” He then rushes back into the house, and hopes that the smell of food is good enough to distract him. 

And it does, especially since Shepard tries to sit as far away from Kaidan as he possibly can, which isn’t very far since everyone’s gathered in the living room to watch the final movie of the marathon as they eat. Luckily though, Shepard manages to grab one of the armchairs for himself. 

The rest of the night passes rather uneventfully, with the crew split between board games, poker, and billiards. Shepard’s playing the latter while Kaidan chose poker, so no issues there. 

The only real problem comes when Shepard is taking his shower. 

As the water runs down his body, washing away the sweat and grime of the day, his mind inevitably drifts to the tantalising image from earlier, of Kaidan in the pool. Just the way he laid there, all relaxed and… inviting.

As Shepard’s scrubbing his chest, his hand unconsciously drifts down lower, and lower. It’s not until he brushes past his navel that he realises what he’s doing, immediately pulling his hand away. 

No, that is not a line he can cross. He can’t. He won’t. Because if he does, there’s no going back. And the consequences of that? He doesn’t even want to think about it.

He twists the shower faucet, sending a blast of cold water onto his face. He is not about to let such “improper” thoughts ruin his summer holiday.

Even though he’s pretty exhausted after a long day, sleep doesn’t come easy for him after that. To no surprise, Shepard discovers that actively trying not to think about something is just as bad or even worse than thinking about it. 

*

The next morning, Shepard wakes up to find the room already empty. Cursing at having overslept, he gets ready as fast as he can and heads down to the kitchen, thankfully finding everyone still there eating.

Actually, he’s not as thankful because teasing comments are quickly thrown his way about him being the last one. He waves them away, but inside he’s silently cursing at his own reputation of waking up with military-like precision. It’s finally come to bite him in the ass.

It also doesn’t help that the cause of his late start is sitting at the kitchen counter, waving him over to the empty barstool beside him. “Morning. Saved you a seat.”

“Thanks.” Shepard’s grateful for the plate of waffles that Tali slides his way, along with the cup of coffee that Thane brings him. He’s starving, so he’s distracted for a few good minutes as he digs in. 

It’s not until he’s halfway through his second waffle that Kaidan speaks up again. “So, what are your plans for today?”

“Going to go surfing with Garrus.” It’s a great day for it too. The weather forecast said that it isn't going to be as hot today, meaning they’re good to go for hours. Shepard’s especially excited for it since it’s been months since he last touched his board. “What about you?”

“Eh, probably go for a swim, maybe some kayaking,” Kaidan says. “I would love to pick up surfing though. Maybe you can teach me some day?”

“Sure,” is all that leaves Shepard’s mouth before he quickly stuffs it with a big chunk of waffle. He’s almost tempted to offer a lesson right now, but he can’t. Not until he gets the mess that is his feelings in order so that he doesn’t slip up. 

After breakfast, there’s a short group meeting about the barbeque for tonight, with Shepard double-checking the ingredients they’re supposed to get since he’s been assigned for dinner duty along with Edi and Zaeed, part of that being to head to the nearest supermarket to pick up whatever they need. 

After agreeing upon a time that they’ll leave to get the food, everybody splits up to do whatever it is they have planned for the day. Shepard and Garrus head to the storage shed to grab their boards, and after a quick rewaxing, they make their way to the beach. 

Oh how Shepard has missed this exhilaration: the salty sea spray, the breeze cooling his skin, the feeling of the board rocking under him as he chases the waves. In these moments, all of his worries just go away as his mind hones in on his coordination, making sure he doesn’t wipe out. 

Strangely enough, despite Garrus having a few more years of surfing experience, it’s weird to see that he’s lost his balance several times in the past couple of hours. After what is probably his tenth wipe out, Shepard paddles over to him.

“Hey, what’s up?” Shepard asks as Garrus pulls himself onto his board.

“Nothing,” Garrus says, pushing his damp hair off of his forehead. “Just having a bad streak.”

Despite his friend trying to act all nonchalant, Shepard knows otherwise, and that’s not even taking into account how Garrus is also doing that weird jaw clench thing that he only does when something’s bothering him. “Really? A bad streak? Come on Garrus, I know you better than that. What’s on your mind?”

Garrus hesitates for a second, then releases a sigh. “Alright, fine. But you can’t tell anyone else, got it?”

Shepard nods, moving in a little closer. Not that it matters, seeing as they’re quite far out with no one close by. Still, it’s the thought that counts, especially when he hasn’t seen his friend this stressed out in a long while. 

“I’m going to propose to Tali tonight.”

“What!? That’s awesome!” Shepard gives him a playful punch in the arm, a big grin growing on his face. Yet, there is something that gives him pause. “Hold on... Were you not going to tell me?”

“Well, I wanted it to be a surprise. The fewer people who knew, the better.”

“Seriously Garrus, who am I going to tell?”

“I trust you, but we do have some very nosy employees. It’s them I don’t trust to not snoop.”

Shepard nods; he does have to concede that point. “So, when are you going to do it? Tonight?”

“Yeah, probably during dinner. Do you think she’ll like that?”

“Are you kidding? On the beach, under the stars, surrounded by good friends and good food; it’ll be great! Do you need me to do anything?”

“I could use the help to record everything, if you don’t mind.” 

“Of course, whatever you need.” And Shepard means that. As he hit the waves earlier this morning, he didn’t think his day could get any better, but it has and he’s beyond excited. “Wait, then what are you so worried about? That she’ll say no?”

Garrus shrugs. “It’s always a possibility.”

“She loves you, and she knows that you love her. It’s as simple as that, so of course she’ll say yes. I’m pretty sure she would say it if you proposed to her in the studio or in her store.” Shepard gives Garrus a slap on the shoulder. “Now, as your best man, I promise you that you have nothing to worry about.”

“Best man?” Garrus smirks at him.

“Thank you for asking. I accept.” Shepard teases back, which earns him a splash of water from Garrus. They laugh, and joy just rushes over Shepard. Two of his closest friends are getting engaged, and he could not be more excited. 

But because his friend is also an absolute dickhead, he just has to go and ruin the moment by asking, “So that’s my love life sorted, now what about yours?”

Shepard squints, and it’s not because of the sun. “Nope” is all he responds with before he quickly paddles off. He can hear Garrus laughing behind him, but it’s soon drowned out by the crashing of waves.

Garrus doesn’t bring it up anymore after that, and they continue surfing for a good couple of hours more before their muscles are aching and their bellies are rumbling. By the time they get back to the house, lunch is already prepared which the two of them quickly gobble down, the cold noodles prepared by Miranda, Samara, and Wrex the perfect meal after such an intensive morning. 

Like yesterday, the rest of the afternoon is spent indoors, hiding from the relentless sun. Shepard decides to grab a comfy seat by the large bay windows, using the amazing view as inspiration while he sketches. He’s not the best artist in the world - his specialty is minimalist and geometric tattoos - but he always likes to practise to expand his repertoire. 

The hours fly by uneventfully, and with his phone put aside he’s not even aware of the time until Edi approaches him, telling him that they’ll need to leave soon to pick up the food. After packing his things away, he gives one last reminder to the rest to get everything ready by the time they get back. (Not that they’ve ever failed to do so, but he always likes to make sure.)

The trip to the supermarket goes as per usual. After a half-an-hour drive, the three of them split the list of items up between them for efficiency. Shepard’s in charge of getting the meat, which has always taken up most of the budget, what with there being some big eaters in the crew. Steaks, hot dogs, wings - whatever cut of meat there is, he makes sure to pick up a good amount, along with extra sauces, spices, and dips; even though there’s plenty in the beach house, he knows that it’s always good to stock up.

Zaeed soon arrives with various snacks and drinks, followed by Edi with an assortment of veggies. They pay - which Shepard is glad to see is somehow within their budget - and they make their way back. Shepard’s never been grouped with these two before, but they make for interesting company, the ride back filled with some of the weirdest conversations he’s ever had.

By the time they reach the house, most of the others are already at the beach setting things up, with Liara and Legion having stayed behind to help with food prep. Once they’re done with slicing the veggies and marinating the meat, they finally head down to the beach, with the sun just beginning its slow descent back to the horizon.  

It seems like almost everything’s set up except the fires, with one third of the crew crowded around the large portable grill getting the charcoal ready while the rest are carefully building the campfire. But even then, it only takes a few more minutes before the grill is sizzling and the campfire is blazing. 

Cooking duty for the barbeque is always shared amongst all of them, but there’s always a few of them who like to take charge, namely James, Steve, and Mordin. And it is exactly these three guys who have stationed themselves at the grill, the delicious smell of cooking meat quickly wafting through the air. As they wait for the first round of food to be done, the rest busy themselves with passing around the drinks and settling on a playlist. While the others are distracted, Shepard grabs a beer for himself and Garrus, finding his friend staring into the fire.

“Just let me know when.” Shepard says as he presses the cold can against Garrus’s arm to get his attention.

“Thanks” is all Garrus mumbles before taking a long sip. 

Shepard almost laughs at how uncharacteristically nervous his friend is. Really, Garrus is being horribly obvious, not helped by the fact that he keeps fiddling with what is presumably the ring box in his pocket. To distract him, he nudges Garrus and gestures towards the grill. “Come on, food’s almost done.”

His sense of timing being as impeccable as always, the two of them get there just as Steve is loading a foil pan with the first batch of wings. Shepard and Garrus go on serving duty, bringing the pan around for the others to grab their share before taking their own.

They all start chowing down, savouring the food as the fire crackles in front of them. The sun continues to set, the sky a rich palette of oranges, blues, and pinks, reflected in the endless sea below it, the water lapping gently against the shore. Some enjoy the view in silence, while others chat about random things. A relaxing song plays in the background, with a few of them singing and humming along.

Then, from the corner of his eye he notices Garrus getting up and clearing his throat. Taking that as the signal, Shepard pulls out his phone. Though he’s sitting near the edge of the group, he still angles his screen away to make sure nobody notices him.

“I’d like to make a quick toast.” Garrus raises his drink, with everyone else raising their own in kind. “I know we’ve been doing this for years now, but I’m so happy we could all be here today. Call me a sap, but you’re my family and I love you guys.”

A round of cheers and claps erupt. Shepard joins in too, because these crazy friends of his really are his family. They might not be blood related, but they mean the world to him. 

“But, of course, there’s one person I love the most.” Garrus turns to Tali, who’s seated next to him. She blushes slightly, what with all the attention now directed at her. “You work so hard every day, so I’m always glad whenever we get to take trips like these, whether it’s just the two of us or with everyone here. They help bring out a side of you that I just enjoy watching. Not that I don’t like you at any other times, just that it’s nice to see you carefree and relaxed.”

When Garrus stumbles through that last line, it earns a few laughs. Shepard holds back, partially because he doesn’t want to ruin the recording, but mainly because he knows his friend is building up to the finale. 

“And so, because of that, I just have one last thing to say.” And as Shepard predicted, Garrus gets down on one knee, pulling out the ring and presenting it to Tali. “Will you marry me?”

Instantly, the crew is in chaos; screams, gasps, shouts, phones being whipped out. Shepard even has to push past a few of his friends to make sure he’s keeping the two of them in frame. Getting into a better position, he zooms in on Tali, who is clearly about to burst with happiness. She waits, if only for everyone to quieten down a bit, before saying the answer they all know is coming: “Yes!”

Garrus, grinning with both relief and elation, slips the ring onto her finger. Once it’s secure, Tali jumps up and pulls her now fiancé into a hug. The cheers return, the rest of them crowding around the couple to offer hugs, high fives, and congratulations. Ending the recording, Shepard pulls them both into a hug as well. What an absolutely fantastic way to end the night. 

It gets a lot more energetic after that. Whoever’s controlling the playlist has changed it to a party mix, the heavy bass and lively rhythm getting almost everyone onto their feet. The good mood has also encouraged an increased consumption of alcohol, because when Shepard reaches into the cooler a while later, he finds it completely empty of beer. 

Thank goodness Zaeed made the right call to buy more during their trip to the supermarket. All Shepard has to do is make a quick run back to the house to get the rest, though looking at the current state of the party, one case is probably not going to be enough. 

“Hey, I’m gonna grab us some more beer. Anyone want to give me a hand?” Shepard asks loudly, but it doesn’t travel far thanks to the music. His request does manage to reach one person though. 

“I can help.” Kaidan just so happens to be sitting close by, turning around with a can in hand. 

“Come on then.” Shepard smiles at him as he gets up, downing the rest of his drink. After Kaidan tosses the empty can into one of the garbage bags, they start making their way to the house. 

When they’re far enough away from the noise, Kaidan asks, “Did you know about the proposal?”

“Yeah, but Garrus only told me about it this morning.”

“Did not see it coming, but maybe that’s just because I’m new here. How long have they been together?”

“Four years. I still remember when I first found out they were dating.” Shepard chuckles, recalling this fun memory. “One night, I realised I left something in my locker so I went back to get it. Garrus had told me he was staying later to work on some admin stuff, so I didn’t find it weird that the lights were on when I got there, but then I headed into the office, and guess what?”

Kaidan doesn’t say anything, too engrossed to halt the momentum of the story. So, Shepard continues, “Him and Tali were making out against the lockers! I swear, that image was burned into my corneas the second I opened the door. They pulled apart immediately and tried to come up with some lame excuse. All I said in return was that I was happy for them.”

“And now, they’re engaged,” Kaidan says with a grin. 

“It’s been a long time coming.” Garrus and Tali really are perfect for each other, Shepard thinks. Both awkward in their own ways, but also extremely loyal, sometimes to a fault. When Shepard first saw them on that fateful night, it wasn’t even surprising; if anything, the first thing that went through his head was: this makes perfect sense. 

As they’ve been talking, they soon arrive at the house. They’re making their way to the kitchen when Kaidan asks, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Ever think about getting married?”

“Not really. I mean, with the life that I’ve had growing up, I always thought it wasn’t meant for people like me,” Shepard answers honestly. In the orphanage, there were plenty of kids that came from broken homes, proof that marriage wasn’t always what it was chalked up to be. Then, in the gang, living on the fringes of society and constantly throwing caution to the wind, settling down was never an option. Years of living like that has ingrained in him a slight cynicism, but on good days he tries not to let that overshadow his other thoughts. “Not that I’m opposed to it. Now that I’m older, I suppose it would be nice to have someone to turn to if things get grim, to have someone to live for…”

Oh no, he’s taken himself down a dark route. Thankfully, they’ve found the beer. Now wanting to sour the conversation, he turns the question over to Kaidan as he picks up two cases. “How about you? You want to get married someday?”

“It would be nice if I could. Just have to find the right person.”

“And who is the right person for Kaidan Alenko?”

“I don’t know. Somebody smart, brave, kind, good-looking; the list goes on really,” Kaidan chuckles awkwardly. “But I think what I really want… is something deeper with someone I… already care about, do you know what I mean?”

Kaidan looks at him with those soulful brown eyes that hide nothing, and Shepard is floored. Is he trying to say…? 

Shepard swallows, his mouth having gone horribly dry. He has to toe this line carefully, because he needs to be a hundred percent sure. “... Well, I hope you find that person soon.”

“Maybe… I already have.”

The four words hang in the air between them. There they are, both holding onto cases of beer cans, standing in the middle of the dimly lit kitchen, just staring at each other. 

Shepard has never felt his heart beat faster than in that moment. The blood is rushing in his ears. 

What Kaidan said… There’s no other way to interpret it. How can there be, when he’s basically bared his heart in the most delicate way possible?

But being so overwhelmed as he is, his brain refuses to let any words leave his mouth. So, he just continues to stand there, watching with dread as Kaidan noticeably deflates with disappointment at the perceived rejection. 

To make matters worse, Kaidan puts on a forced smile as he says in a strained tone, “Let’s head back, shall we?”

Shepard panics. He can’t fuck this up. Not when he’s been hoping for something like this for months. Even if he’s wrong, he has to take the leap. 

He’s not going to hesitate any longer, consequences be damned.

It’s now or never. 

Quickly, he puts down what he’s holding onto the closest counter top. “Kaidan.”

The man turns around. “Yeah?”

“Put down the beer.”

“What’s wrong?” Slightly confused, Kaidan leaves his share of the cases next to Shepard’s. “Did I grab the wrong ones?”

“No. I just don’t want you to drop them.”

“Why would I-” Kaidan never gets to finish the sentence, because Shepard's already closed the distance between them, hands coming up to grab the sides of Kaidan’s face to pull him in and their lips together. In an instant, Kaidan's hands are on him too, and any lingering doubt dissipates, as gentle and as easy as waves washing away tracks in the sand. 

Honey. That's what Shepard tastes on Kaidan's lips. Honey from the sweet craft beers and the barbeque. Shepard vaguely wonders if he tastes the same, but he barely has the mental capacity to think about that. The feeling of Kaidan kissing him is intoxicating, as is the warmth of Kaidan's hands on his waist.

After all these months of waiting and yearning and pining, Shepard never wants it to end. (Kaidan clearly doesn't want to either, with how tightly he's holding him). But they can only keep going for so long before they have to break apart for air.

“So,” Shepard says, breathless from the kiss. “I like you.” Even saying those three words out loud is a relief, a weight off his weary shoulders.

“I like you too.” 

“And you’re not just saying that because we’ve been drinking?”

“I could ask the same of you, but no. I’ve liked you for a while now.”

“How long?”

Kaidan beams at him. “Ever since you I saw you in my shop, holding that ridiculous jar of cookies.” 

“Really?” Shepard is stunned for a second. Kaidan has liked him from the very first time they met? “So, you’ve been flirting with me all this time?

“Yeah, but I wanted to get to know you better, so I held back at first. But after that, I think I was so worried about coming on too strong that I wasn’t very good at it.”

“Seeing as I’ve been afraid to tell you about how I feel for the past couple of months…” Shepard trails off, not wanting to embarrass Kaidan anymore.

“Well, I’m clearly out of practice.” Then, the shyness seamlessly transforms into an unmistakable look of want that crosses those brown eyes. “And if we have the time, you have to let me practise.”

And because Shepard has no idea how to respond to this completely new - but extremely welcomed - side of Kaidan, he does the only thing he can do: laugh in happy disbelief before moving in for another kiss. 

He can’t believe how good it feels. It may be because he’s little buzzed from all the beers, but in truth, he knows that really, it’s because it’s Kaidan. Something about kissing this man just feels right , and Shepard can’t get enough. He wants more.

In the midst of everything, somehow, some small rational part of his brain manages to remind him that they actually have a task at hand, and that they’ve been away longer than is strictly necessary. Still, he lets himself indulge in the taste of Kaidan’s lips for just another minute before he pulls away once more, panting. “We should probably head back soon. The others will be wondering what’s taking us so long.”

Kaidan, somewhat breathless as well with eyes glazed over, stares at the boxes for a few seconds before his mind finally catches up. “Right. The beer.”

But neither of them makes a move. They continue to stand there, still holding on to each other. Kaidan’s clearly thinking the same thing as Shepard is: screw the beer, the rest can go thirsty for a little while. 

Yet, he also knows that neither of them is going to do that. They don’t want their friends to worry about them, thinking something happened. He doesn’t want to ruin the party and have them all running back here to check on them. Which brings to mind another problem. 

“Hey, do you mind if we don’t tell the others just yet?” Shepard asks. “They’ve been interfering for long enough already. We should enjoy it while it’s just between us.”

For a split second, he worries about what Kaidan will think about wanting to keep their relationship a secret. But he really shouldn’t have, because Kaidan simply smiles and says, “I was just about to suggest the same thing.” 

Shepard returns the smile, giving Kaidan’s arm a small squeeze. Then, as much as he doesn’t want to, he moves out of the other man’s grasp to pick up the beer again. As he does so, Kaidan’s hands don’t break contact until the last second, an act that has Shepard grinning like an absolute fool. 

Kaidan picks up his cases too, but not before he grabs a few bags of marshmallows. Before Shepard can even ask, he simply states, “If they ask what took so long, let’s just tell them we doubled back for these.”

Such a dork, Shepard thinks. God, he’s adorable.

They finally start making their way back, and they’re walking practically shoulder-to-shoulder, bumping into each other every couple of steps. Even with the heavy load, Shepard’s heart feels lighter than it has been in a long while.

When they’re close enough to hear the voices of their friends, Shepard turns to find Kaidan already looking at him fondly. A little self-conscious, Shepard asks amusedly “What?”

“I’m just… so happy,” Kaidan says, voice full of emotion. “And there are benefits to that happiness.”

Shepard raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really,” Kaidan replies, an edge to his voice and a look in his eye that sends a flash of heat through Shepard’s body. 

What has he gotten himself into, Shepard has no idea.

But he also can’t wait to find out. 

It’s not the time to think about that though, because once they’re close enough, some of the others are rushing over to help them with the beer (which Shepard suspects is more about wanting to get their hands on more beer). Keeping to their promise, Shepard and Kaidan act like nothing happened, enjoying the party like they did before. Of course, this doesn’t stop Shepard from catching Kaidan’s gaze and vice versa, the two of them sharing meaningful glances and exchanging smiles as inconspicuously as possible.

Shepard spends the rest of the night in a kind of giddy joy, a combination of many beers, the convivial atmosphere, and the memory of Kaidan’s lips on his. He wants to amend a previous statement; this day has gotten infinitely better than he could have ever expected. 

But all good things must come to an end, and eventually, the party slowly starts to wind down. Everyone tries to pitch in with the cleaning up as always, but the more intoxicated of the crew are excused, allowing them to take their time to stumble their way back to their rooms. 

Shepard helps with gathering the chairs, stacking them up and carrying them to the house. As he places them back onto the deck, Kaidan walks past him into the kitchen with the cooler in his arms. Shepard follows a few steps behind, doing his best to time his steps so that they’ll reach the stairs at the same time. 

He succeeds, and his efforts are rewarded by Kaidan grinning at him. Damn, he really wants to kiss him again, but some of the others are still around. So, he has to settle for the two of them walking upstairs together.

“Well… good night, Kaidan,” Shepard says upon reaching the top of the stairs, badly wishing they all had private rooms so that he could sneak into Kaidan’s, to find out what it’s like to fall asleep next to him. 

“Good night, Shepard,” Kaidan replies, but he doesn’t leave it at that - after taking a quick look around to make sure no one is close by, he reaches for Shepard’s hand and gives it a warm squeeze. 

Now Shepard really wishes they had their own rooms. How’s he supposed to sleep tonight, knowing that this man is just down the hall?

But this is all it has to be for now, and Shepard returns the squeeze. Drawing on his willpower, he pulls away to head to his room, but not before he turns to give a small smile.

The last thing he sees before he closes the door is Kaidan’s own gentle smile, and this is also the last thing he thinks about as he drifts off to sleep. 

~

Morning arrives, and with it a mild but still quite annoying headache. It’s not the worst hangover Shepard’s ever had, but he could still go without it. 

However, as he makes his way down for breakfast, he’s thankful to see that he’s much better off than a few of his friends, namely Joker, who is lying head down on the dining table asking everyone to keep their voices down; Tali, who is curled up on the sofa vocalising her regrets as Garrus comforts her; and Javik, who is just lying on the floor groaning with an arm slung over his eyes. In contrast, there are some who have come out no worse for wear, Shepard especially jealous of Jack and Jacob, who are exercising out on the patio, with Samara meditating off to the side. 

Moving to the kitchen, Shepard spots Kaidan by the coffee machine, nursing a cup in his hands as he stares blankly into the distance. It’s not until Shepard’s right in front of him that he notices. “There's coffee. Who wants coffee? I want coffee. More coffee… Am I being too loud?”

Shepard laughs as he pours himself a cup before topping up Kaidan’s. If only the others weren’t around; Shepard would have kissed him silly. “You’re fine.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan says before he takes a deep inhale of the hot coffee. “Don’t know how all those beers caught up with me. Must be getting older.” 

Because he can’t help himself, Shepard says, just loudly enough for Kaidan to hear, “Well, I think some things get better with age.”

Being as hungover as he is, it takes Kaidan a few seconds to fully process that statement. By the time he does, he blushes and grins, but Shepard has already excused himself to grab an omelette from James.

The next few hours after breakfast are quite hectic, what with all of them needing to make sure everything’s cleaned up, packed up, and ready to go. Barring those still in the process of recovering from last night, everyone else works efficiently, and soon they’re loading stuff into the cars, ready to head back.

Unlike Friday where some of them were coming here straight after work, the carpooling arrangements are now split up according to where they all lived, which means that Shepard is no longer driving with Kaidan. Not that he minds, because he’s sure it’ll be torture to be in the same confined space with him and be unable to do anything with the others around.

Grateful that he’s not the one driving for the first couple of hours, Shepard settles into the back next to Kasumi while Steve gets into the passenger seat and Edi gets behind the wheel. It’s a rather peaceful group, so for the most part Shepard can just enjoy the music and stare out of the window. 

But drives like this always tend to get a little boring regardless of the company, so Shepard eventually fishes out his phone. As he’s scrolling through his socials, he receives a text.

[ Kaidan: Are you free for dinner this week? ]

Shepard feels his heart speed up. He takes a quick look around: Kasumi’s on her phone as well, Steve has nodded off and Edi is focused on the road. Relieved, Shepard types out his reply.

[ Shepard: I should be good for friday]

[ Kaidan: Great :) I’ll start looking up places we can go ]

[ Shepard: You asking me out on a date? ;P ]

[ Kaidan: Maybe ;) What do you say?]

God, Shepard feels like a damn teenager, the way he’s this excited over the idea of going on a first date. His cheeks are actually hurting from trying to hide the grin that is fighting to get to the surface. 

[ Shepard: Can’t wait ;D ] 

Tingling with anticipation, Shepard attempts to calm himself down. But try as he might, he can barely maintain a neutral expression, his entire being filled with excitement.

Friday cannot come soon enough.

Chapter Text

[ Kaidan: Hey, have you ever been to Apollo’s? ]

Shepard and Kaidan have been texting each other constantly since the beach house, and while the texts themselves are nothing particularly interesting, mostly updates about their day and the occasional discussion about random topics, but they’re enough to keep a smile on Shepard’s face.

Like now for instance. Shepard has a client arriving soon, so he’s at his station getting everything prepped when he gets the message. It’s Thursday, and he’s been waiting all week to find out where Kaidan plans to take him.

[ Shepard: No, but I heard the food’s pretty good though ]

[ Kaidan: Great, so let’s go there then :D ]

[ Kaidan: Pick you up at 7? ]

[ Shepard: It’s only a 10 min walk from my place, so I can meet you there ]

[ Kaidan: Better idea: how about I park my car at your building and we walk there together? ]

Shepard grins. It’s a sweet suggestion, and just based on this alone, Shepard already knows it’s going to be a great date.

[ Shepard: Sounds perfect, can’t wait! ] 

[ Kaidan: I can’t stop smiling. See you tomorrow :))) ] 

Shepard puts his phone aside as Garrus walks past just in time to see the goofy grin on his face. Oh no.

“So Shepard…” Garrus says with that damn smirk on his face. “You’ve been in a good mood recently. Even with all the appointments you have when we’ve only just gotten back from the beach.”

“It’s probably this new coffee I’ve been trying out.” Shepard reaches for his flask, lifting it up. It’s not even a lie - Shepard genuinely has started using a new blend, albeit one that Kaidan did in fact recommend to him. “It’s really good, wanna try some?”

Garrus is clearly unconvinced, throwing a thoroughly sceptical look Shepard’s way. But Shepard has given him nothing to point to the contrary, so all he says is a slightly defeated “I’m good, maybe later” before walking away.

Once he’s out of earshot, Shepard sighs. A small part of him wonders if this would all be easier if he and Kaidan just came out with it, but that thought is quickly quashed. Call him selfish, but he wants it to be just the two of them for as long as they can. He adores his friends, but he really does not want them involved, for now at least.

That being said, he almost wishes that he could have someone to talk about this new development in his life, for a way to get rid of all the nervousness that fills him. 

But for now, he has to keep it contained. His usual calm and collected demeanour hasn’t failed him yet, so he’s sure that it can last for one more day.

~

Come the evening of the next day, and Shepard is standing in front of the mirror, checking out the final outfit he’s decided on. A red long-sleeved button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms and the top two buttons unbuttoned, along with a nice pair of black pants. It’s not a combination he’s ever tried before, but he has to admit he does look good. The clothes are just ever so slightly form-fitting, working nicely to highlight his musculature, while the unbuttoned top of his shirt is showing off just a hint of his tattoos. 

He’s pretty sure Kaidan already finds him plenty attractive, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure.

When Kaidan texts him that he’s reaching in five minutes, Shepard does his last preparations: a small splash of that expensive cologne Miranda gave him a few birthdays ago, putting his essentials - wallet, phone, keys - into his pockets, and stepping into his best pair of shoes. Once he’s done, he heads down to the lobby.

As he waits, he paces up and down, desperately trying to get rid of the nervous energy that has returned in full force. This is going to be his first date in ages, and he really wants it to go well. Not that he has any doubts, really, but he’s still anxious all the same.

Then, he hears the elevator doors open behind him, and when he turns around, he’s greeted by the sight of Kaidan in a tight black turtleneck and dark blue pants. Fuck, he’s handsome.

“Hey,” Shepard says as Kaidan approaches him. “You look good.”

“You too. Nice… outfit,” Kaidan says, giving him a very obvious and appreciative once-over. Shepard definitely does not miss the way his eyes linger just a little longer on the exposed part of his chest. Shepard preens a little at the attention, mentally congratulating himself for choosing the right shirt. 

Their eyes meet, and Kaidan gives an awkward cough when he realises that he’s been staring. “Uh… right. Shall we?”

Shepard just shakes his head amusedly before heading out the front door. It’s a cool summer night, a slight breeze blowing past as they walk to the restaurant. They talk about their day, and with each step, Shepard feels a little bit more relaxed. 

Or so he thinks, because once they’re seated and left alone after placing their orders, Shepard’s nerves return in full force. 

Finding no point in pretending, Shepard just says it outright. “Sorry if I seem a bit out of it, I’m just… nervous, I guess? It’s been a long time since I last went on a date.”

“No worries. It’s been quite a while for me too.” Kaidan smiles that understanding smile, and Shepard’s heart calms down a bit. “When was your last?”

“A year at least. Maybe even longer if I’m being honest,” Shepard says, before taking a moment to recall. “It wasn’t even a date, really. We met up for drinks and then we went back to their place for… something more than drinks. So yeah, the last time I had a proper date like this, I can’t even remember. What about you?”

Kaidan responds without a hint of judgement. “Some time before I moved here. She was a doctor, a nice gal. I think we went out for about three months before we realised that something just wasn’t clicking between us, but we split on good terms.”

Shepard can’t help but be a little intimidated by this fact. “Doctor, huh? And now, you’re seeing a tattoo artist. That’s quite a change.”

“Eh, as long as you like what you do, it doesn’t really matter to me what kind of job you have. Speaking of, I can’t believe I haven’t asked you what got you into tattooing.”

“It’s a long story.”

“We have time,” Kaidan says as he leans a little forward, resting his forearms on the table separating them. “The waiter did say that the food’s going to take about 10 minutes.”

Alright then, Shepard thinks. At least it has a happy ending. “The orphanage where I grew up was in gang territory, and a lot of us kids kinda just assimilated into their ranks, doing petty crimes for them as a way to earn money and respect. But to become a full-fledged member, you first had to prove your loyalty by getting a gang tattoo. So, once I turned 15, I walked into the nearest tattoo parlour, and as luck would have it, the only artist free at the time was one David Anderson.”

“He’s the one who gave you the beach house?”

“Yeah. Back then, he was as nice as a man could be to some gangster wannabe punk. He didn’t approve, but he didn’t try to talk me out of it. And I was scared of course - it was my first tattoo after all - but I couldn’t show it. Yet he saw right through me and tried his best to keep me calm throughout the whole thing.” The moment is still vivid in Shepard’s mind, the comfort of this one kind soul in that seedy back-alley tattoo parlour.  

“While it still hurt, something about the process just fascinated me. But you know how teens are when they try to act like they don’t find something interesting when they actually do?” Shepard asks, and Kaidan gives an amused nod as he cringes, no doubt remembering his own awkward years. “Whenever I had to tag along with another gang member to get their tattoo or I was getting another of my own, I would pretend to ask questions out of boredom rather than genuine interest. But again, he saw right through me and entertained all the questions I had.

“This kept going for a few years, until one day Anderson just flat out asked me if I wanted to apply for an apprenticeship. At that point I was just so sick of the gang that I was looking for any opportunity to leave, and so I took it. He became my mentor, a while after that I met Garrus, and after many long years, we opened up Spectre together.” Shepard smiles as he finishes, sincerely proud of what he has accomplished, especially coming from the life that he did. 

An impressed smile appears on Kaidan’s face. “Wow… you have to introduce me to Anderson one day. He sounds like a great guy.”

“He is. I owe him my life.” Shepard’s going to spend the rest of his life indebted to Anderson for giving him a chance. He’s the closest thing to a father Shepard ever has, and he couldn’t have asked for anyone better. 

Just on time, he spots the waiter coming over with their food, so he waits for it to be served before he turns the question to Kaidan. “What about you? Don’t hear many people going into the florist business these days.”

“Well, my family owns a fruit orchard-”

Shepard nearly chokes on the sip of his drink he’s just taken, having to force himself to swallow lest he spits all over his date. “Wait, hold on… your family owns an orchard? ”

“Yeah, Alenko Fruit . It’s been in the family for generations, started when someone on my father’s side of the family first immigrated here from Ukraine all those decades ago. It’s a small business, really; we mainly sell at farmer markets and supply to local grocers,” Kaidan says almost shyly.

Shepard takes a bite of his food, chewing as he contemplates. So, he is right in his assumption that Kaidan does in fact come from some money. He might not be crazy rich, but he’s probably had a comfortable life. 

Shepard’s not even jealous. In fact, he’s intimidated once more, feeling rather self-conscious all of sudden, especially after the life story he’s just told about himself. 

Kaidan, on the other hand, quickly moves on. “I grew up surrounded by plants and trees, but there was just something about it that I felt wasn’t enough. I knew I wanted to do something adjacent to it, I just didn’t know what. Then, one day, when I was 16, my dad put me in charge of tending to some apple blossoms. Then, it was like something clicked.”

“I still remember telling my parents I wanted to go into the flower business. I was so worried about what they would think, especially because I knew that they wanted me to take over the business, so you can imagine how relieved I was when they said they were fine with it. If anything, they were just happy that I found something I was passionate about. After that, it was pretty straightforward: I got a degree in life sciences with a minor in botany and a few years after I graduated, I opened my first shop.”

Shepard inwardly sighs. Kaidan’s a college graduate too? This one little fact has made him much more attractive, but Shepard is beginning to feel like the man across from him is way out of his league. Shepard barely had a semblance of proper education and now he’s on a date with this guy? Luck or fate or whoever it is must really be smiling down on him.

Still, Shepard doesn’t dwell on this, not when there’s something tickling the back of his mind. “So, what made you move here then?”

Kaidan awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “With my first shop, I had a lot of help from my parents, and for a while it was great. But then I realised that I wanted to have something that was completely my own, something that I built from the ground up myself. So, a few years ago, I started making plans to open up a new shop somewhere else, some place outside of my parent’s connections. Even though they were willing, I refused to take any money from them while also working an extra job to earn whatever more I needed to reach my goal. As for Ashely, we had become friends in college and when I heard that she was looking for a new job, I roped her in. She helped me look for possible locations, and we eventually settled on Normandy Street.” 

“And here you are.”

“And here I am. To think that I was so worried about moving somewhere completely new. Now, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.” As he says this, those beautiful brown eyes look right at Shepard. He doesn’t say anything else, but the message is clear: Shepard’s one of the reasons why. 

And that has Shepard feeling warm all over. 

But of course, as before, he’s too overwhelmed to say anything in response, not trusting his brain-to-mouth connection to not produce something weird. So, he just smiles before taking another bite of his food.

For the rest of the meal, they stay away from any further deep discussions, mainly talking about the goings-on of the past week. It’s a comfortably intimate conversation, and Shepard finds himself actually taking his time to finish his food, an hour having gone by when he usually would be done in 20 minutes or so. 

When Shepard calls for the waiter to bring the bill, Kaidan quickly interjects. “I’ll get it.”

Shepard turns to see he’s already pulled out his credit card. As much as he would appreciate a free meal, he can’t just let this happen. “Let’s at least split it.”

“Hey, I’m the one who asked you out, so let me.” And before Shepard can say otherwise, Kaidan is handing the waiter his card.

“Fine,” Shepard says. “But I’m going to pay for dessert. There’s a good gelato shop a few stores away. Think of it as thanks for the ice cream on my birthday.”

“That was a treat, Shepard.”

“Which I accepted before I found out about your actual gift for me.” Once the waiter returns with the card, Shepard gets up and grins. “Come on. I’ll even let you get the waffle cone.”

Kaidan doesn’t say no to that, and it’s an offer that he does take up as he orders the stracciatella. Shepard gets himself some good old dark chocolate, and after they get their cones, they head to the waterfront to find some seats.

On such a nice summer night like this, plenty of people are out and about, but they manage to find a bench with a great view of the water. A busker is strumming his guitar not too far away, adding to the already pleasant atmosphere. There are other couples milling about, so Shepard doesn’t feel all that self-conscious when he shifts a little closer to Kaidan, their sides practically pressed together. 

“I forgot to ask you this earlier, but do you still have the gang tattoo?”

“Nope, got it covered up years ago,” Shepard says as he gestures to his right shoulder. “First thing Anderson did for me once I accepted the apprenticeship.”

“I hope they didn’t harass you when you left.”

Shepard is instantly touched by Kaidan’s concern, especially over something that happened so long ago. “Nah. To them, if someone leaves the gang voluntarily, they’re treated as a traitor. I was cut off and pretty much exiled. Not that I minded; I was relieved more than anything.”

Despite having left that life behind long ago, memories still resurface, those years still so integral to who Shepard is to be truly forgotten. And during those years, he always thought that the gang would be the only family he would ever have, the only one who would take him in. But then he opened that studio on Normandy Street and he found his true family: friends that made life worth living. 

Not wanting to be caught up in reminiscing, Shepard takes the chance to ask, “Ever thought about getting a tattoo?”

“I have, but I would always chicken out at the last minute,” Kaidan grins sheepishly. “Now that I have a boyfriend who’s a tattoo artist, maybe I’ll finally get around to getting one.”

Boyfriend ? The single word causes Shepard to freeze up, unable to fully comprehend such a label being attached to him. 

Kaidan notices, and immediately the smile falls, replaced with flustered rambling. “Oh God, it’s too soon, isn’t it? I shouldn’t have presumed, I’m so sorry-”

The man’s panic kicks Shepard out of his daze, and he quickly places a hand on the other’s knee. “No, Kaidan, it’s fine, it’s just… I’ve never been in a relationship long enough for someone to call me that.”

Subconsciously, he’s always been aware of this. With his teens and early twenties filled with easy hookups and friends with benefits, and his late twenties a dry spell interspersed with several short-lived relationships that were caused largely in part due to his workaholism, it is no wonder that he’s never had a long-term partner, or at least never one with a deep enough connection for them to put a label on things. 

So now, for Shepard to be referred to as someone’s boyfriend… It's completely new and honestly a little bit scary.

But coming from Kaidan, the word brings with it nothing but affection and comfort. 

And in turn, this would mean that Shepard can now say that he has a boyfriend as well. This thought alone has him feeling giddy like a teenager with his first ever crush. 

Having calmed down, Kaidan looks at him with hesitancy. “So, you’re okay if I…?”

It is their first date, and Shepard has already been overwhelmed more than once by the speed at which their relationship is progressing. However, right now, he doesn’t care about any of that. He smiles shyly at first, but because he can’t hold back his exuberance, he ends up with a full grin on his face. “It’s more than okay.”

The smile returns to Kaidan’s face. He places his hand over Shepard’s. “Good.”

Everything somehow becomes a lot more relaxed after that. Even after the gelato is gone, they continue to sit there and talk, enjoying each other’s company and the ambience. The time just flies by, the crowd thinning and the busker having long since packed up. It’s not until a good while later that they realise they’re one of the few people left on the promenade. They decide to start heading back then - tomorrow’s still a workday after all. 

The walk back is again filled with easy conversation, and when they finally reach the apartment building, Shepard doesn’t want this to end. And while the talking has been nice, now standing here, just the two of them, Shepard realises that they haven’t even kissed since that night at the beach house.

And with how Kaidan, illuminated by the soft glow of the lights streaming through the lobby doors, looks like an absolute dream, a simple kiss will not be enough.

But because he does have some manners, he knows he can’t just say it outright. Instead, he asks, “Before you go… Do you want to come up to my place?” 

Shepard knows he’s not exactly being subtle, but there’s no point beating around the bush. His true intentions are clear enough, made obvious when Kaidan’s eyes widen ever so slightly at the question.

“For a drink?” Kaidan smirks, no doubt referencing what Shepard said about his last date.

Shepard bites his lower lip, enjoying the way Kaidan’s eyes dart down to track the movement. “Yeah, a drink.”

“Sure, but we have work tomorrow, so just a quick one. Five minutes, and then I’ll go.” Kaidan is clearly teasing, a playful glint in his eye. But then, those brown eyes darken and a flash of heat runs through Shepard’s body. If he was any weaker, he would jump Kaidan’s bones right there in the street. 

Thankfully, he has enough mental fortitude to turn and lead Kaidan to the elevator. Somehow, they manage to keep their hands to themselves the ride up, but once Shepard closes the front door behind them, any restraint goes right out the window. 

Their lips find each other instantly. Shepard has never felt such desire or desperation, the way his hands are pulling at Kaidan’s clothes. Kaidan is doing the same too, the two of them leaving a trail of their clothes as each article is removed, tossed to the floor. Shepard can’t find it in him to care about the mess for now, not when Kaidan’s hands are like fire wherever they touch his bare skin.

Shepard’s not even sure how he’s managed to lead them into the bedroom, so consumed in each other that neither of them realises until Kaidan’s legs hit the foot of the bed. He falls backwards onto the mattress, pulling Shepard down with him.

Shepard lands on him, and they break apart. Breathless, they stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing.

The frantic energy has dissipated slightly, and staring at the handsome man below him, it’s all a little surreal. At that moment, a sudden thought crosses his mind. “I don’t - I don’t usually do this.” 

No longer in his younger hook-ups-only phase, he’s avoided being a sex-on-the-first-date person, but it’s not that aspect that he’s worried about, nor is it something that he feels that he has to explain. No, it’s that this thing between them is something he’s never felt before, and he wants Kaidan to understand that. 

The smallest of grins crosses Kaidan’s lips. “Me neither.”

And that is that. Shepard smiles at him and they’re kissing again. Despite all his senses being overwhelmed at the same time, he manages to find the strength to pull away a minute later, pushing himself upright to properly straddle Kaidan’s lap and look at the man.

Kaidan is left in just his boxer briefs, looking like an absolute treat against those dark sheets. Brown eyes dark with hunger coupled with an almost dangerous smirk; he’s like the very image of temptation itself. 

And while it certainly is an amazing view, Shepard wants to do much more than just look .

With only his shirt still on him, Shepard quickly gets rid of it. He tosses it to who knows which part of the room, because he wants to focus on the way Kaidan is staring at him, eyes slowly raking over his exposed body.

“God, Shepard…” Kaidan exhales, almost in disbelief.

Shepard can’t hold back the small laugh that escapes. “You’ve seen me shirtless before, Kaidan.”

“ I know, but not like this…” A hand reaches forward, then stills, waiting. “Can I?”

With such a request, how can he say no? “Of course.”

The hand reaches forward to rest on his abs, right above a cluster of his tattoos. With reverential movements, Kaidan maps out the contours of Shepard’s body, using the tattoos as landmarks. Up over his abs, his chest, stopping at the base of his neck. Then back down, pausing at his left pec, which is notably untouched by ink. He doesn’t stop for long, making his journey southward, though not before just ever so lightly grazing over Shepard’s nipple. 

He shivers at the touch, sending a rush through his entire being. “Like what you see?”

“Very much. Just as much as what I’m touching.” As Kaidan says this, he brings his hand to Shepard’s ass, cupping and kneading the taunt muscle there. One of his fingers ever so gently caresses along the cleft, and though Kaidan doesn’t voice it, Shepard knows what he wants, what he’s seeking permission for.

“Hold on.” Not wanting to leave his current - and very enjoyable - position in Kaidan’s lap, Shepard stretches over to his bedside drawer. From where he is, he can’t really see, spending a few seconds blindly rummaging around. But very quickly, he manages to find what he’s looking for.

He drops the foil packet to the side before handing Kaidan the bottle of lube. “Go ahead.”

With intense anticipation, Shepard watches as Kaidan pours a generous amount onto his fingers, coating them liberally. His hand returns to its previous position, the other resting firmly on Shepard’s thigh. Slowly, Kadian presses first one, then two digits into him, moving them in and out at a relaxed pace.

The sensation has Shepard falling forward, barely holding himself up with his own hands on Kadian’s chest. Doing this with someone else after his most recent and probably longest dry spell just feels so damn good, amplified by the fact that it’s Kaidan.

This is only the start, but Shepard is already completely hard. He looks down to see himself begin to leak pre-cum onto Kaidan’s abs, the pure filth of this image ramping up Shepard’s lust tenfold. While he understands why Kaidan’s taking his time, he desperately wants more, so he grinds down, hoping to get Kaidan’s fingers deeper into him while also frotting against the man’s still covered cock to seek more friction. 

This move achieves the intended outcome, Kaidan reacting to the contact with a full-body twitch, incidentally pressing his fingers right against the perfect spot that has Shepard groaning, fingers digging into the meat of Kadian’s pecs.

Shepard has his eyes closed to chase the spark that has ignited within him, but he tells himself to slow down. It’s his first time with Kaidan, and he wants to enjoy it for as long as he can. So, he opens his eyes, only to be met with brown eyes with full-blown desire. 

Kaidan’s voice is now rich with arousal, the huskiness seeming to travel through Shepard’s body. “Fuck, Shepard… Help me get this off.”

Kaidan rarely swears, so to hear him do it now because of him? Shepard is smug but he will bask in the pride later. For now, he helps to remove Kaidan’s briefs. There’s some slight awkward manoeuvring, what with their current position, but they work together to get it done, the final piece of clothing hastily thrown aside.

Kaidan’s fully naked now, and Shepard takes it all in, most notably the man’s very erect and nicely sized cock, which he will in fact be inside him very soon.

Clearly not wanting to waste any more time either, Kaidan grabs the foil packet and rips it open, rolling the condom onto himself before pouring a bit more lube. Once he’s done, his hands return to Shepard’s thighs, fingers digging into flesh as if to say: ready when you are.

Shepard reaches forward to give Kaidan a few tentative strokes, watching with delight as the man shuts his eyes, a breathy whimper leaving his lips. Shepard revels in this, because this is just the start; he can’t wait to see the look on Kaidan’s face when he’s at his peak.

So, not wanting to drag this out any longer, Shepard raises himself up as he positions Kaidan’s cock at his hole. Then, he sinks down, not stopping until he’s fully seated, their bodies coming into contact once more.

For a few seconds, Shepard just waits, letting himself get used to the stretch. It’s been a while after all, and his own fingers can never compare to this . Having Kaidan inside him feels insanely good, the spark now a fire raging at the pit of his stomach, the flame manifesting as a moan that Shepard can’t hold back. A similar sentiment is mirrored by Kaidan, who’s holding onto Shepard so tight that it’s beginning to hurt - not that Shepard minds, and neither does he have the right frame of mind to explore why exactly he enjoys that.

The fire is insistent, demanding more, and so, Shepard feeds it. He lifts himself up and down while undulating his hips, slowly at first, then reaching a comfortable pace. At a certain point, Kaidan starts to thrust slightly upwards too, their bodies meeting in the middle with a smack that rings beautifully in Shepard’s ears.

Not once did he think he would ever be riding someone on a first date, but right now, he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. If anything, it’s perfect, being able to watch the handsome man below him slowly fall apart. 

And he is, panting hard just like Shepard is, watching with those intense brown eyes. Shepard can only imagine what he must look like, bouncing on Kaidan’s cock as he gasps and groans while the fire grows.

This is not a side of him that he intended to show so early in their relationship, and some small but irritating part of his mind conjures up shame and embarrassment. What will Kaidan think of him now?

But any negative thoughts are immediately chased away when one of Kaidan’s hands flies up to the nape of his neck and pulls him down, their mouths crashing together in a sloppy kiss. 

The taste of Kaidan’s tongue licking up into his mouth basically shorts out Shepard’s mind, and he can’t think of anything else, solely focused on the sensation of Kaidan below him, around him, inside him. 

“Shepard, you feel so amazing.” Kaidan moans into his ear, the words travelling right down and fuelling the blaze. “Can I try something?”

Too dazed with lust, Shepard barely processes what Kaidan said, unable to even wonder what the other man might want to do, simply breathing out a “Yeah” in response. So, when he is suddenly lifted off the mattress, he’s completely taken aback. For a short second, he panics, afraid that he’s going to fall. But he’s going nowhere, Kaidan’s hands firmly holding onto him.

Once he realises this, he takes stock of what’s happened. Still inside Shepard, Kaidan has gotten up on his knees, his arms bearing Shepard’s full weight, with the change in position also causing Shepard to instinctively wrap his legs around the man.

“Wait,” Shepard reaches for Kaidan’s shoulders, trying to hold himself up. “I’m heavy.”

But Kaidan doesn’t let him, pulling him even closer. “Let me ask you this: at the gym, can you lift your own body weight?”

Obviously , is Shepard’s first thought. He might not be the physically strongest amongst his friends - James, Wrex, and Jacob probably have him beat on that front - but he prides himself of being close behind with a body to prove it. 

He nods, and Kaidan continues, “I can too, and since we’re pretty much the same weight, I can carry you just fine.” And to prove his point, Kaidan thrusts up hard into Shepard. This completely new angle, coupled with the help of gravity, has Shepard sputtering out a choked gasp.

A smug grin spreads across Kaidan’s face at that sound. “Besides, I can’t let you have all the fun.” 

And with that, Kaidan resumes, fucking Shepard in a way the latter has never experienced before. With every snap of Kaidan’s hips, Shepard feels the remaining vestiges of any shame and doubt and anxiety disappear. It’s crazy how good it feels, and Shepard can only hold on as the fire rages inside him, so well fed by everything that’s happening.

Despite Kaidan’s claim, Shepard knows it has to be tiring. Yet, the man shows no signs of fatigue, thrusting into Shepard at a steady rhythm. He’s breathing heavily of course, panting interspersed with deep grunts. This makes it all the sexier when he says, “You’ve been so quiet, Shepard. I want to hear you. Let me know how you’re feeling.”

Shepard’s never been vocal during sex, a habit he’s picked up from years of meaningless fucks during his time in the gang: quickies in a dirty bathroom stall, a dark alley, in the backseat of a car, or wherever he and some other gang member needed to go to get some relief. The first time he snuck off, it was with some girl who he knew from the orphanage, and she kept telling him to keep quiet to make sure the others wouldn’t overhear them. Hookups were an open secret in the gang - everyone had urges after all, but that didn’t mean everyone had to know what you got up to. Just do whatever with whoever and move on. So, he did what she asked, and he’s unknowingly kept it up in the years since then.

Shepard’s never thought much about it, with none of his past partners having brought it up. For Kaidan to ask him now… Shepard’s not even sure if he can. Sure, he’s pretty good with words on an average day, but now? With Kaidan’s fingers digging into him, cock filling him, eyes staring at him with unabashed hunger? 

He starts simple. Easy. Something he knows he can say. The single word, two syllables, leaves his lips as a moan. “Kaidan…”

“Yes, Shepard?”

He uses the last bit of brain power that is not focused on the flames that burn within him, and the words spill forth. “Good- It feels so good- You feel so fucking good- Don’t stop-”

“Didn’t plan to,” is all Kaidan says as he readjusts his grip, punctuating his response with a hard thrust up into Shepard. The shift also means that Kaidan’s cock is now rubbing against the perfect spot, sending sparks of ecstasy up Shepard’s spine.

It’s an inferno that is raging in Shepard now, and he has to fuel it. So, using his hands on Kaidan’s shoulders and his legs around Kaidan’s waist, he uses the leverage to move himself too, trying to bring them impossibly closer together. They meet in the middle, the slap of their bodies connecting echoing in the room.

The muscles in his arms and thighs are burning, but it’s nothing compared to the heat building inside him, the coil that tightens with every second, just waiting to be released. Just a little bit more, he just needs that bit more to get there. “I’m close,” he says, the words leaving as barely more than a gasp.

“Me too,” Kaidan says back, but he doesn’t need to. His rhythm is faltering slightly, no doubt finally getting tired. But if anything, the erratic movement is doing something, and Shepard finds himself chasing after the stuttering of Kaidan’s hips.

So focused on chasing his high, Shepard’s not sure how much time has passed before Kaidan - tightening his grasp on Shepard hard enough to surely leave a mark - slams into him one last time. Shepard watches as Kaidan’s eyes close and mouth falls open in pure pleasure.

As he cums, a mix between a low moan and whimper escapes his lips, and it’s this erotic sound, combined with the way his dick twitches deep inside Shepard over that particular bundle of nerves, that finally pushes Shepard over the edge. 

The fire erupts, the coil snaps. An explosion goes off, with hundreds of fireworks along every nerve of his body.

It takes a minute for Shepard to finally regain his senses, and when he does, he realises that Kaidan is lowering him back onto the mattress. Once he’s done, Kaidan slowly pulls out before collapsing onto his back right next to him.

For a full minute, the two of them just lay there, staring at the ceiling as they try to catch their breath. Shepard is so blissfully fucked out that he doesn’t even think he can move, but he does have enough energy to say, “ Goddamn. ”

Kaidan turns, and with a bashful smile that seems so out of place, he asks, “You liked it?”

“ Like ?” Shepard looks at him incredulously. “I saw stars, Kaidan. What do you think?” 

The smile turns smug but still rather shy. “Glad to hear that, though I was worried. It wasn’t too much?”

Too much? It was basically the right amount of what Shepard can only describe as gentle roughness, the juxtaposition of the tenderness with the carnality of it all being so good that he doesn’t know what to do with himself now. Never would he have expected this when he first met the man, but he’s glad he didn’t: the surprise definitely made the experience infinitely better. 

“Maybe, but in the best way possible. Especially when I’ve never been carried like that before. Speaking of, how are your arms?” Shepard quickly rubs a hand along Kaidan’s arm that is closest to him. Despite the reassurances, it had to have taken a toll on him.

“A little sore, but I don’t mind,” Kaidan says, grinning now. “And if you want, I’ll be happy to carry you as many more times as you want.” 

And what else can Shepard do but lean down and kiss this sweet man? Really, he feels like the luckiest guy in the world right now, and when they pull apart, the next words just come naturally, “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

The moment the question is asked, Shepard feels the anxiety from earlier return. This is only their first date, and he’s already asking for Kaidan to sleep over? It’s so much so fast, and while he’s worried that he’s pushing it, part of him does think: it’s already been a night of many firsts, so what’s another?

Turns out, that part is right, because Kaidan replies, “I would like nothing more.”

Instantly, any lingering fear disappears. Even though it’s late and he’s tired after what they just did, a burst of adrenaline jolts through Shepard. Grinning, he gives Kaidan a quick peck on the lips before pushing himself off the bed. “Great, let me just grab you a toothbrush.”

He heads for the bathroom, but is stopped by Kaidan saying, “And uh, could you spare some underwear? I’m not really one to sleep in the nude.”

Shepard turns back around to see Kaidan sitting up. In one hand he’s picked up his own pair that he chucked to the floor earlier, and there’s no explanation needed as to why he can’t wear it right now. But what really stops Shepard in his tracks is noticing his own drying cum on Kaidan’s stomach, a terribly filthy image that is immediately seared into his memory. 

“Umm, sure, I should have new ones somewhere.” Shepard searches to distract himself, finding some that he just bought last week. Grabbing a pair for himself and another for Kaidan, he says, “I’ll leave them inside, you can wear them after you wash up.”

It’s then that Kaidan looks down, and when he notices, he runs a hand over the mess. Then, in a move that practically short circuits Shepard’s brain, Kaidan licks his fingers clean while making direct eye contact.

Shepard rushes into the bathroom, partly because he doesn’t want Kaidan to see him flushed, but mostly because it’s late and, as much as he’s tempted, he doesn’t think either of them has the energy for another round. 

He’s calmed down substantially by the time Kaidan finally joins him in the bathroom, though it isn’t helped when Kaidan enters with that stupid grin on his face and Shepard can’t stop looking at the other man’s mouth. “I hate you,” Shepard grumbles, though obviously not with any real malice. 

As smug as he can possibly be, Kaidan retorts, “Didn’t seem like it a few minutes ago.” 

Shepard elbows Kaidan in his side, and Kaidan laughs. Shepard can’t help but laugh too, all of it feeling so damn surreal but yet oh so comforting. He never knew he could be this at ease with someone, much less right after a first date. And it’s with this combination of incredulity and relief that Shepard eventually crawls back into a bed with Kaidan.

They’re face-to-face, and as they talk for a while, Shepard’s smiling like a fool. He doesn’t want the night to end, but then Kaidan yawns, clearly drained from the physical exertion. Shepard is too, and though he wants to continue chatting, it’s late and they have work tomorrow. 

He pulls the covers over both of them. “Goodnight Kaidan.”

“Goodnight Shepard.” Kaidan mumbles. He closes his eyes, but not before he shifts closer, an arm snaking up to Shepard’s waist to pull him closer. 

Ah, he’s a cuddler. Shepard doesn’t get the chance to voice this thought however, because Kaidan’s already fallen asleep. Shepard follows quickly behind, the warmth of Kaidan’s body next to his lulling him to sleep. No longer able to keep his eyes open, he soon drifts off, his heart full for the first time in a long while.

Chapter Text

Shepard wakes up to the sound of pouring rain. 

Still half-asleep, he blinks as he looks out the window to see just absolutely torrential downpour. He’s not sure where this summer storm came from, but it’s not completely unwelcome though as it will at least help temper the heat. 

Yet, he’s not cold despite the fact that the covers have bundled up around his legs. In fact, he’s pretty cosy, likely due to the arm currently resting under his head, another arm around his middle and the feeling of a warm chest pressed against his back.

A surge of contentment fills his body as he remembers. It wasn’t a dream. 

Ever so slowly, he turns around to see the face of a still asleep Kaidan, mouth slightly open as he gently snores. Shepard can’t help but smile. Being this close, he takes the opportunity to really study Kaidan’s face. 

The first thing that draws his attention is the smattering of grey hairs at Kaidan’s temples. The man’s only a few years older than him, but the grey adds a certain level of maturity that Shepard is not too surprised to realise that he finds attractive. 

From the temples, Shepard’s eyes track the rest of Kaidan’s features, all much softer now that he's sleeping. He follows the few lines and wrinkles, past dark lashes and eventually down to his lips. Shepard never knew that kissing someone could be this enjoyable, and now’s he tempted. Even more so with the dimple in Kaidan’s chin that’s just barely hidden behind some light stubble, Shepard wanting nothing more than to place his thumb there and hold that man’s chin to pull him in for a kiss.

But he resists. The man is sleeping soundly, and after last night’s activities, he needs the rest. 

So, as quietly as he can, Shepard turns back around and gets out of bed, making sure he doesn’t wake Kaidan in the process. He washes up, then puts on a t-shirt before leaving the room.

In the main living space, the storm is even louder. Looking out the windows, the rain is coming down so hard that he can barely see the building across the street. There’s no way anyone can drive in this weather without putting their safety at risk, so he pulls out his phone and types a quick message into the Spectre group chat, telling everyone to not go into work until the rain lightens up. Grateful that he doesn’t have any morning appointments, he still gives the rest a reminder to reschedule if necessary. 

Once that’s done, he starts on breakfast. Wishing that he went to pick up some groceries earlier, he’s glad that he at least has enough time and ingredients to make grilled sausages with a side of sunny side-ups and country style potatoes. Shepard has always enjoyed cooking, so he’s not even aware of the time passing. It’s only as he’s tossing the cubed and seasoned potatoes onto the pan that he hears the shuffle of feet approaching him.

He looks up to see Kaidan, still looking a little sleepy as he walks up to the counter. It’s a rather adorable sight, but that’s not the only thing that causes Shepard to pause. No, it’s the fact that Kaidan has put on Shepard’s favourite hoodie – black with a stripe of red and white down one sleeve – and left it unzipped, revealing that he has nothing on underneath except for the briefs he borrowed last night, leaving that gorgeous body on display.

Shepard’s face heats up, and it’s not because of the stove. It’s way too much for the morning, and Shepard doesn’t know what to do with himself except to just stare.

Thankfully, Kaidan doesn’t seem to notice for now, yawning as he says, “Good morning. Is it okay if I wear this? I'm not used to walking around shirtless so I just grabbed the closest thing I could find.”

“Morning,” Shepard replies, forcing himself to turn his focus back on the food, internally cursing himself for leaving the hoodie draped over the back of his desk chair. “And yeah, sure.”

“Thanks.” Kaidan leans against the counter as he looks out the windows. “God, it’s pouring out there. Not sure how I’m going to get to the shop later.”

“That’s what I thought, so I told my guys to wait until the rain stops.”

“Good idea. Let me text Ash.” Kaidan gets on his phone, and a quick minute later, he’s done. Putting his phone away, he slides up next to Shepard. “Hmm, looks good. Anything I can do to help?”

“You’re a guest, Kaidan. I can’t make you cook.”

“Well, I still have to pay you back for helping me when I had that migraine.”

“Didn’t you already buy me a drink for that?”

“Yeah, but that was before,” Kaidan says, and Shepard doesn’t need him to elaborate. Before we got together . 

But even then, Shepard doesn’t relent. So, with a playful push, he says, “Just sit your ass down. I’m almost done anyway. Or you can take a look around if you want.”

A cheeky grin appears on Kaidan’s face. “Yeah?”

Shepard’s face warms a little. There’s a reason why he made the suggestion, the embarrassing memory of being caught snooping around Kaidan’s house still fresh in his mind. It’s only fair that he allows Kaidan to do the same, and it’s not like he has anything to hide. In fact, he has nothing left to hide, considering where they are in their relationship.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Shepard replies with a nod.

“Well, don’t mind if I do, Commander.” And with that grin still on his face, off he goes to explore.

The apartment isn't that big; there’s only so much to look at, and Kaidan goes exactly where Shepard expects him to. He first goes to the fish tank, looking genuinely fascinated by the exotic fish swimming about. Then, it’s the hamster cage, and Shepard hears him adorably say hello to the little guy (whose name is Mako, something that he’ll tell him later). Lastly, it’s the display case where he keeps all the model spaceships, with Kaidan looking fondly upon the Brittany model with a big smile. 

It feels so strange. While Shepard has had people stay the night before, none of them have ever taken any real interest in his life. At least, not in the way Kaidan has. Or, if they ever tried to ask him, Shepard would always feel a little awkward, deflecting the questions and wanting them out of his apartment as soon as possible. And yet, with Kaidan, Shepard’s not weirded out by it all. If anything, Shepard’s more amazed by the speed at which Kaidan has been breaking down his barriers. 

Putting that thought aside for now, the rest of the breakfast is quickly prepared, and within minutes he’s calling Kaidan over to help. He plates the food, bringing them over to the dining table with Kaidan following behind with two cups of coffee. 

They dig in, and Kaidan quickly comments, “This is really good, Shepard. I didn’t know you could cook this well.”

Shepard sits up a little straighter at the praise. “Thanks, but I didn’t always. Where I came from, good food was a luxury I could never afford, so when I first started my apprenticeship and got my first apartment, I forced myself to learn how to cook. Even went to a few classes to pick up some recipes. Still, I wouldn’t say I’m amazing at it.”

“It’s better than what I can do,” Kaidan says as he takes another mouthful of potatoes. 

“You can’t cook, Kaidan?”

“Well, I can, but it’s nothing to write home about. Basic things I’m fine with, but anything fancy and I tend to get overwhelmed by all the steps.”

“I can always teach you, whenever you have the time.”

“I’d like that.” Kaidan smiles. “Though I can’t promise that I won’t get distracted.” 

Shepard’s heartbeat picks up a little. Now that Kaidan’s not holding back, his flirting is honestly way too good. But Shepard’s not holding back either, able to tease right back. As he takes a sip of his coffee, he peers over the rim at the man sitting across from him. “By what?”

“I wonder…” Kaidan trails off, a wicked glint in his eye. A beat passes before he continues. “By the way, you didn’t wake me earlier.”

“Didn’t have the heart.”

“Thanks, but next time… wake me .” As Kaidan says this, he does that thing with his voice, lowering it in a way that emphasises the huskiness. It does crazy things to Shepard’s insides, and he’s suddenly very aware of the growing tension that’s clearly been there since he saw Kaidan in his hoodie. 

They continue eating, but Shepard knows that Kaidan can feel it too, this electricity in the air. Just the two of them in the apartment with nowhere else to go, right in the beginning of their relationship, with plenty of needs and desires left to be explored and fulfilled. 

Neither of them makes a move yet, focused as they are on finishing breakfast. But the heated glances shared across the table is enough, a promise of things to come when the opportunity arises. 

As expected, Kaidan offers to wash the dishes, which Shepard does allow, though he stays close by his side to clean the counters next to the sink. (It’s not that he’s messy, it’s just that he definitely didn’t expect anyone to be here so there is some slight disarray.) So focused on his task, Shepard isn’t even aware that Kaidan has finished washing up until he feels arms snake around his waist, a firm and familiar chest pressed against his back, and a warm breath against the back of his neck.

Shepard immediately stops whatever he’s doing, hands coming up to rest against the arms holding him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Kaidan says back, then presses a small kiss to Shepard’s nape, right above the collar of his tee. “Is this okay?”

A simple question, but Shepard knows exactly what he’s asking for. The food is gone and the dishes are done. There’s nothing else for them to do except… 

Shepard doesn’t answer. Instead, he turns around, cards his hand through Kaidan’s hair, and pulls him in for a kiss.

It’s only been a few hours, but God does he miss Kaidan’s lips on his. It somehow feels even better today; not that last night wasn’t mind-blowing, but there was a lot of urgency and desperation, their first time experiencing each other. Now, they have the time, and though it’s all still relatively new, Shepard feels nothing but warm and content. 

Their kiss is languid, with Kaidan crowding Shepard against the counter. The granite is digging into his back, but he doesn’t care. Not when Kaidan starts grinding his hips against his. Kaidan’s already hard, and with all the things he’s doing, Shepard gets there pretty quickly too. 

In no rush, Shepard allows himself to enjoy the sensations for a little while, savouring the way they’re frotting against each other. Though at this rate Shepard will probably have to get Kaidan’s another set of briefs, so he dips his hand under the waistband, wrapping it around and pulling out Kaidan’s cock.

Kaidan moans as Shepard begins to stroke him, a sound that travels straight from Shepard’s ear to his own erection. Kaidan reaches for him too, rough hand stroking him just right, thumb running over the head to coat the rest of his fingers in pre-cum. 

They spend a few moments like that, enjoying the feeling of each other’s hands. Their hot breaths mix as they both watch intensely at what the other is doing, an erotic scene that transfixes Shepard. 

But even then, it’s not enough. He needs more. 

Instead of voicing it, he pulls Kaidan in for another sloppy kiss. And just like that, Kaidan knows. 

In one swift move, Kaidan lifts Shepard onto the countertop. Shepard refuses to let the change in angle break their kiss, but what does it is when Kaidan pulls Shepard’s briefs off. With his now bare ass on cold stone, the shock causes him to involuntarily gasp. 

Kaidan takes his hand off Shepard's cock then, trailing it down until he meets Shepard’s hole. Because of last night, there’s little resistance now, Kaidan’s fingers slipping in smoothly, aided by Shepard’s pre-cum. Pumping his fingers in and out, Kaidan keeps his mouth busy by pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to any part of Shepard’s chest that he can reach, mostly teasing along the neckline of his t-shirt. 

Again, they’re in no rush, so Kaidan takes his time opening Shepard up. Not used to the slow intimacy of it all, Shepard tries his best to quash the hunger that rages through his veins. He wants to enjoy every single second of this, because this is unlike anything he’s ever done before.

But then, Kaidan’s fingers teasingly press against his prostate, and the hunger returns in full force. 

Running a hand once more though Kaidan’s hair, he pulls ever so gently on the man’s scalp, tugging him upwards for their lips to meet again. He’s annoyed that his words tend to fail him at moments like these, but he’s grateful that Kaidan doesn’t need them to understand. 

When Shepard lets go, Kaidan pulls back slightly as he removes his fingers. “Let me go grab a-”

But Shepard doesn’t let him finish his sentence, and neither does he let him leave, his legs coming up to wrap around the man’s waist. The words come out before he can even fully process them, “-’s fine, I’m clean, you don’t have to.”

Kaidan stares at him, wide-eyed. “I’m clean too, but… are you sure?”

It’s a rash decision and Shepard knows it. As he’s reminded himself several times already, they only had their first date yesterday. Plus, it’s just not the responsible thing to do, regardless if both of them have a clean bill of health or not (which he completely trusts Kaidan about; he knows that the man would never lie about something like this). Not only that, but Shepard has also often prided himself on being nothing if not responsible.

But right now, his desire to have Kaidan inside him wins over any semblance of rationality he has left at the moment, his mental faculties overloaded as they are. Who cares if his bedroom is just a few steps away? He’s throwing all caution to the wind, and to hell with the consequences. 

“Yes,” he sighs. He leans forward, whispering, “Come on, Kaidan. Fuck me .” 

Shepard has no idea where this sudden surge of shamelessness comes from, but he’s grateful for it because he gets to see brown eyes darken with pure lust. 

“Since you asked so nicely,” is all Kaidan says before he lines himself up and presses into Shepard in one fluid motion. 

An utterly new sensation crawls through Shepard’s very being. The inferno from last night returns tenfold, his nerves alight as he feels every inch of Kaidan filling him oh so beautifully, each thrust forcing another moan, groan, whimper out of him. And because he cannot get enough, he reaches for Kaidan, seeking yet another kiss.

Kaidan reacts to this unspoken request by pulling him closer, hands going to Shepard’s thighs and holding tight, fingers digging hard into the muscle. Right on the edge of the countertop, Shepard is about to voice his concerns about falling when Kaidan’s lips are back on his, kissing him with as much fervour as he’s fucking him. 

Shepard’s hands fly up, one coming up to hold on to the back of Kaidan’s neck, the other grabbing onto his shoulder. He doesn’t have to worry. He doesn’t need to. 

Kaidan’s got him.

Comforted by this single thought, Shepard loses himself to the feelings of everything all at once. At this point he’s pretty much just holding on as Kaidan takes the lead, mind going numb from all the pleasure that the man is giving him. 

Then, Kaidan shifts ever so slightly, and this new angle has him hitting the right spot, with each thrust now spending spark after spark down Shepard’s spine. It’s too good, and his choked gasp from this relentless sensation forces them to break the kiss. The tension doesn’t stop building, and as if that isn’t enough, Kaidan’s next words have him right at the edge.

“God, Shepard, if you could see yourself,” Kaidan says, voice all rough and raspy. “The way you’re taking me so well.”

The man is looking down at where their bodies meet, and Shepard wishes he could too. Yet, he knows it would be too erotic of a sight. Not to mention the fact that Kaidan still has the jacket on, and seeing his favourite hoodie on this amazing man who’s fucking him so magnificently does despicable things to his already euphoric state of mind.

“Kaidan…” he breathes out as he reaches for his until-now untouched cock, pumping it hard as he zones in on reaching his high. 

“Look at you. So goddamn irresistible.” Kaidan’s words are weapons and he knows it. “That’s it. Come for me.”

And that’s exactly what Shepard needs to fall over the precipice. 

The storm outside is drowned out by the blood roaring in his ears. Wave after wave of ecstasy surges through his being, his entire body somehow tensing and relaxing at the same time. A few seconds later, he’s vaguely aware of Kaidan thrusting into him one final time before the man reaches his climax too, with his cum spilling into Shepard only serving to extend Shepard’s own high.

Even as the aftershocks of bliss subside, Shepard still feels entirely too warm, though the cool granite below him helps a bit. While a small but overly dramatic part of his brain suggests for him to go and stand outside in the rain to cool off, he knows that a shower is much better. If anything, it’s necessary, especially when he looks down to see his own spend streaked over his shirt. 

But that’s not a major concern just yet. Now, he needs to focus on the fact that he’s just had two rounds of mind-blowing sex over the course of just 12 hours. “Kaidan, that was… Where the hell did you learn to talk like that?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I’ve tried it before but I think you’re the only one who’s liked it this much. I wasn’t even really planning to say anything, but I find it difficult to hold myself back when it comes to you.”

Brown eyes stare into blue, and Shepard knows that this isn’t just sweet talk. Kaidan means it, and an unfamiliar swell of possessiveness rises up in Shepard, a feeling bolstered by the fact that Kaidan hasn’t taken off the jacket this entire time. He’s the only one who does this to Kaidan, and there is absolutely no way he is ever letting someone else try to do it too. 

“I could say the same about myself when I’m with you,” Shepard says in kind, which is rewarded by a beautiful smile from the other man. Shepard grins too, though as he shifts slightly, he’s quickly reminded of their current situation. “Putting that aside for now, we should probably get in the shower.” 

“There’s going to be a hell of a mess to clean up.” Kaidan looks down as a blush reaches his cheeks. It takes a second for Shepard to get what he means, and when he does, his face heats up too. 

Oh right. Yet another thing his lust-addled brain didn’t account for earlier. But there is a solution…

“Not if you bring me there like this.”

Now, it’s Kaidan’s turn to have a moment to process, an indescribable look crossing his face when the realisation hits him. “You mean…?”

Shepard just nods, and in return Kaidan simply says, “As you wish” with a smile, his hands returning to Shepard’s hips to lift him up.

With Kaidan still inside him, it’s an entirely wild experience for Shepard as he holds on like he did yesterday night, his cock giving minor twitches of interest as Kaidan carries him to the bathroom. He hasn’t been this horny since he was in his early twenties. 

(It doesn’t help that Kaidan seems to enjoy enabling him, or maybe he’s just as turned on. And if they happen to go another round in the shower, with Shepard pressed against the slick wet tiles as Kaidan takes him from behind, well, that’s nobody’s business but their own.)

*

“I’ve been wanting to ask, why don’t you have anything here?”

After a good, long, cold shower, they’re both back in bed. The rain hasn’t let up an inch, so they’ve just been lounging and chatting to pass the time, Shepard seated upright with his back against the headboard while Kaidan is next to him, lying on his side. The man is using one of his hands to slowly trace along Shepard’s tattoos, fingers gently moving from his inked right pec to his blank left one when he asks the question.

“This is going to sound really cheesy,” Shepard says sheepishly, but then he sees the look in Kaidan’s eyes and knows that he’s not going to judge. Plus, in the past 12 hours, he’s done more things that he should genuinely be embarrassed about, so relatively speaking, this is nothing. 

“It’s where the heart is, so I always thought I should save it for something really special, something that I know I’m never going to regret.” It’s probably a strange mindset for a tattoo artist to have, considering that he’s had plenty of clients getting tattooed on a whim and those looking to get old ones covered up, not to mention him having his old gang ones tattooed over as well. But hey, it’s his own body, so who cares. “Not that I regret the rest; honestly, I really like everything I have on me right now.”

“I like them too.” Kaidan has that flirty smile again, but it’s not meant to lead anyway, all of that tension having finally been burned out their systems. His hand trails down to Shepard’s legs which are currently intertwined with his. “Which one’s your favourite?”

“That’s a tough question, but if I had to pick, I would say that I have a top three.” First, he points to one of the International Space Station on his left shoulder. “Anderson did this for me once I completed my apprenticeship. To mark a fresh start.”

“But why the ISS?”

“I just really like space. I mean, it’s an endless and ever-expanding universe, imagine all the possibilities of what could be out there!” It’s one of the only things Shepard ever really geeks out over, and he’s long since stopped feeling embarrassed about it. Besides, Kaidan doesn’t seem to mind at all, only looking affectionately at him as he talks, so why hold back?

“Which is why another one of my favourites is this.” He points to his largest tattoo: the solar system, the Sun and all nine planets (yes, he included Pluto, because the poor little dwarf planet deserves the recognition) starting from his right hip, down the entire side of his leg, ending just above his ankle. “I spent hours designing this, then had each planet done by a different artist. Except for Earth, I did that myself.”

Kaidan’s hand slowly moves down the planets, stopping at where Earth is on his thigh. “It’s stunning.”

Shepard smiles at the compliment, but he doesn’t allow himself to get distracted. “And the third would be this,” he says as he points to his right forearm, where there is a recreation of Vincent van Gogh’s Starry Night in a 5x5 inch square. “Got Kasumi to do this for me to celebrate the studio’s first anniversary.”

Kaidan’s hand goes there next, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the swirls. “You like van Gogh?”

“Yeah, I’ve always felt drawn to his works. So, it felt like a natural choice, a perfect blend with my love of space.”

“What about the rest, the non-space related ones?”

“Each one of these I got to represent someone from Normandy Street.” It’s not a choice that lends itself to overall cohesiveness, but Shepard had given up on that years ago. After all, it felt more important to have reminders of the people he considers his family, which ultimately led to an amalgamation of various styles and designs all over his body.

“Like this for example,” Shepard says as he points to one of the reticle of a rifle scope. “This is for Garrus. The first place we worked together, there was a carnival fair that popped up nearby every year and one of our favourite booths was the shooting gallery. We were both great at it, but he would always beat me - except for one time when I let him win, but don’t ever tell him that. That game was a big part of what led to becoming best friends, so I got this to celebrate when we finally opened Spectre.”

He moves on to another close by, one of a T-Rex. “This one’s pretty self-explanatory, it’s-”

“Wrex, right?” Kaidan offers. 

“Yeah. I’ll be honest, some don’t have as deep of a meaning as the others.” Shepard chuckles and Kaidan laughs right along with him.

The next few minutes are spent explaining the rest, about who they represent and why. Shepard doesn’t think he’s actually talked this much in a while, but he doesn’t care, not when Kaidan is looking up at him with those deep brown eyes as he listens attentively, hanging onto every word almost like he’s trying to memorise everything. 

It’s only after Shepard’s done with his gallery tour of his tattoos that Kaidan finally speaks up. “So, am I gonna get one?”

And because Shepard can, he gives a mock gasp before saying with a teasing grin. “I’ve only known you for a few months, Alenko, and you already want to be on my skin? That’s way too soon, don’t you think?”

The irony is blatantly clear - they’ve already done a whole lot in the time that they’ve known each other; a tattoo would be the least extreme thing, all things considered. And because Kaidan is clearly aware of this too, he just grins before pulling Shepard down for a kiss.

Shepard smiles against Kaidan’s lips. When they move apart, Shepard says, “I’m already coming up with designs for both you and Ashley, so don’t worry. You’ll be on here soon.”

“I’m looking forward to it, though speaking of, I have to know…” Kaidan shifts a little closer, and really how can one man radiate such warmth? “When did you realise you had feelings for me?”

“Honestly, I was attracted to you the minute we met, but it wasn’t until the night of my birthday that I realised that I actually liked you.” Both instances are vivid memories that Shepard will hold dear, but he does wonder what would have happened if they had just been honest with each other from the very beginning. “But I didn’t say anything because you were new here and the last thing I wanted was to scare you off. And, like I said before, your attempts at flirting were a little confusing.”

Shepard says the last part more teasingly, and he laughs when Kaidan goes all red at that. “Hey, I told you I was out of practice. But I was scared too, you know.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“Of you!” Kaidan exclaims, but quickly backtracks when he sees the confused look on Shepard’s face. “Okay, maybe ‘scared’ is the wrong word to use here. It was more that I was… intimidated by you.”

“Why?”

“It’s not because of how you look, if that’s what you’re wondering.” A pause, then, “Okay, maybe it was at first. Even with the cookies, you were still this heavily tattooed guy in my shop, and as much as I hate to judge people based on their appearances, I am still very much a product of society and its ingrained stereotypes. Though, I will admit, I found you that much hotter because of it.”

Shepard playfully rolls his eyes, earning a chuckle from Kaidan before he continues. “Seriously though, it really started that first couple of weeks, watching the way you moved about Normandy. This confident, cool, charming but ultimately caring commander of not just the tattoo studio, but really of the entire street. How could I not be intimidated?”

Other than raising a brow at the seamless alliteration, Shepard finds himself feeling a little flustered at the praise. Sure, he’s taken on a lot of the leadership roles when it comes to Normandy Street, but it’s never been for glory or popularity or some kind of power trip. In reality, it’s just because he wants to help his friends in any way he can, and for Kaidan to perceive it as this great commendable thing? He’s not sure how to react.

Kaidan continues. “So I waited. I wanted to get to know you better first as a friend before I did anything.”

“Now that you have, what do you think?”

“Pretty much the same things. Plenty charming, still a little intimidating, and overall, just a paragon of a person. Even now, you still manage to surprise me every day.” 

Shepard’s face heats up. This man is way too good with his words. “I bet you say that to all the lucky guys and gals.”

“Only the really cool ones,” Kaidan says with a grin. “Only the ones that I’m trying to impress and make them think I’m just as cool as they are.”

“You dork,” is all Shepard says before leaning down to initiate the kiss this time, with Kaidan meeting him halfway. 

Shepard cards his fingers through Kaidan’s hair to hold him closer, enjoying the way the man’s thick hair feels between his fingers. Unlike when he’s done this before however, he feels a bump somewhere close to his nape. Unconsciously, he runs his fingers over it again, trying to figure out what it is. 

Just as he realises that it’s the ridges of a scar, Kaidan flinches at the touch. Shepard immediately pulls his hand away, worried that he’s caused him pain. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay. It’s just…” Kaidan trails off, looking away. Instantly, Shepard knows there’s a story behind the scar, but from the hesitant expression on Kaidan’s face, it’s clear that it’s a bad one.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine. I was going to tell you eventually, just didn’t think it would be now. But I guess it’s as good a time as any.” Kaidan sighs, clearly steeling himself for the memory he’s about to recount. “When I was 16, there was this big summer camp that was being advertised to all the high school students in the area. It was new, but they were promising this amazing experience with tons of fun activities. They also reassured the parents that the campers would not only pick up invaluable skills they wouldn’t be able to elsewhere, but that it would also help us take a break from technology. We never had anything like that before, and even with the device restrictions, so many people my age were begging their parents to let them go, me included. It took some convincing, but my parents did eventually agree to let me sign up. And when summer finally came around, I was so excited. I thought I would be making new friends and trying a bunch of fun stuff. And I did, but everything else was the exact opposite of what they had promised.”

The frown that had appeared on Kaidan’s face only deepens as he continues. “The first few days were good, probably because they wanted to keep up appearances for the late arrivals. But once everyone was there, every single camp counsellor did a complete one-eighty. The friendliness and smiles transformed into shouting and berating overnight. The supposedly “flexible” schedule that we were given at the beginning now had to be followed to a T. You had to do exactly what the counsellors wanted you to do, no exceptions. Even if you were scared, you had to do it. I still remember all the kids who couldn’t swim being pushed into the lake without life vests, all because they had “promised” the parents that they would learn to swim by the end of the program. And if you didn’t do whatever it was well enough, they would make you do it over and over again until you got it right. It was just heaps of verbal abuse every single day, and we couldn’t even tell our parents about it.”

Shepard is horrified as he listens. The orphanage he grew up in was bad, but the daily neglect and poor conditions were things he had gotten used to. He can’t imagine what it must have been like for a fresh-faced teenager to be faced with such unexpected torment. No doubt the camp organisers thought that they could do whatever they wanted because the kids wouldn’t be believed, especially if they still got the results they promised.  

Still, he remains silent as Kaidan goes on. “All the counsellors were vile, but there was one guy that was the devil incarnate. Vyrnnus; I’ll never forget his name. He had it out for me from day one. Just absolutely hated me, and whatever I did was never good enough for him.”

Kaidan’s entire body tenses at the mention of this person from his past, and Shepard instinctively places a hand on his forearm, giving him a light reassuring squeeze. The briefest of smiles appears on Kaidan’s face at the contact, but it just as quickly disappears again. “Despite him, I managed to make some friends. One of them was this girl called Rahna. We were close, and it was obvious that we liked each other, but it didn’t go anywhere. I think we were both too scared about it becoming anything more, but where we were also didn’t exactly make for a good place to act on our feelings.

“One day, I forgot what it was that we were doing, but Vyrnnus was in charge and kept us going for hours and hours on end. It was a brutally hot afternoon, but he wouldn’t let us stop, even though one of the campers had already passed out from heat stroke. We were so exhausted and dehydrated that when Vyrnnus had his back turned, Rahna tried to sneak a sip from her water bottle. I tried to warn her but it was too late. Vyrnnus saw her and immediately started screaming at her, calling her things like “weak” and “pathetic” and “useless”. But then he pulled out his knife - all the counsellors had one, they said it was for safety since we were pretty deep in the woods - and he started waving it around, threatening her with it for disobeying him. When he pressed it hard enough into her arm to draw blood, that’s when I lost it.”

Kaidan balls his hands into fists, and with a shaky voice he says, “I tackled him to the ground and just kept hitting him. He managed to attack me with the knife - that’s where this comes from -” he gestures to the scar “- but I didn’t even register the pain. The others had to literally pull me off of him before I even realised that I’d beaten his face into a bloody pulp.”

His fists are trembling at this point, and Shepard slowly places his own hand over them. It manages to calm him down a little, but the story isn’t done. “It was so bad that they had no choice but to call an ambulance. The police showed up too, and that’s when the truth came out.”

“Did you get into any trouble?” Shepard asks.

“No, surprisingly. Despite the counsellors’ threats and lies, all the other campers backed me up. They told the police everything about how they were treating us and especially what Vyrnnus was doing. When my parents got called, they helped by using my good behaviour and clean record to prove that I wasn’t prone to aggression, that this only happened because I was pushed too far. Ultimately, even though I had beat Vyrnnus half to death, I was still a minor and I did it out of self-defence, so I was let off with only a warning.”

Shepard almost hesitates to ask the next question, because he has a feeling that he already knows the answer. “And Rahna?”

“She was okay. Her testimony was probably the most crucial in helping me. But after what happened, she refused to see me. Said that while she was grateful for my help, what I did terrified her. She couldn’t look at me without being reminded of what I could do.” Kaidan opens his fist, staring at his open palms as if can still see the blood that stains them. He takes a long shuddering breath before he turns to Shepard, whose heart immediately aches at the pain he finds in those eyes. “I’ve never told anyone this story before. If someone knew what I was capable of…”

Shepard understands now. He’s always felt that underneath Kaidan’s wit and charm, there seems to be some hesitancy, most noticeable whenever they get intimate. It’s like he’s holding something back, and even though it’s not obvious, Shepard still senses it nonetheless; the way the man seeks permission before he lets go, the way he looks for reassurance that he hasn’t gone too far. It’s good of him to ask of course, but Shepard now knows that there’s a larger reason behind it beyond just basic decency. 

Shepard has to go about this carefully. Though it’s been almost twenty years, this incident has clearly stayed with Kaidan and is still impacting his actions after all this time. While he wants to comfort him, he definitely does not want to come across as if he’s just brushing it off, especially not after just being told that he’s the first partner that Kaidan has revealed this part of his past to. 

“I’ve seen and done worse things than beat someone up,” Shepard says as he places his hand in Kaidan’s. The things he’d done during his time in the gang are stories of his own that he’ll have to tell Kaidan about someday, and though he regrets most of it, he’s not as worried about mentioning them, much more willing to open up about his own dark past after Kaidan’s just bared his soul.

“I nearly killed him, Shepard.” Kaidan’s voice almost breaks as he says this, and it pains Shepard to see how heavily it weighs on him.

“You were a kid; you can’t blame yourself for doing what you thought was right. Especially when you did it to protect someone you cared about.” Shepard recalls hearing something similar from a therapist he was seeing once long ago, when he was having troubles with feelings of inadequacy and a horrible sense of imposter syndrome a short time after his apprenticeship had ended. He was a victim of his circumstances, and yes, he did some horrible things while in the gang, but he was just doing what he had to survive. The fact that he’s trying to do better now more than makes up for it. “If I were you, I would have done the same thing.”

“Really?”

“I would do anything to protect my friends and family. And you too. I would beat up a thousand bad guys if it meant keeping you safe.” Shepard means every word of it. He’s fiercely protective of the people closest to him, and though it hasn’t been and shouldn’t be necessary, he is not afraid to go back to his old ways if anybody dares threaten those closest to him.

Kaidan is quiet for a bit after that, trying to process everything. But, ever so slowly, the tension seems to visibly leave his body. Eventually, he laces his fingers through Shepard’s. “Thank you. And for what it’s worth, I would fight like hell for you too.”

“Good,” Shepard says with a grin. And to make sure Kaidan is fully comforted, he leans in once more for another kiss.

Shepard doesn’t know it’s possible to be this content. Kissing this sweet and witty and handsome man, in their own little bubble without a care in the world. It’s the happiest he’s been in what seems like forever, and a younger him from ten years ago would never imagine that he could ever achieve such happiness. Again, the speed at which he’s gotten to this point with Kaidan feels insane, but right now, he can’t imagine it happening any other way. He wouldn’t want to either, not when his heart is this full.

Though, soon enough, real life comes knocking.

Shepard has to force himself away from Kaidan’s lips when he hears a notification from his phone. Reaching for it, he opens it up to see that it’s a message from Zaeed: the rain is finally easing up, so he’s going to start making his way to the studio. 

Typing out a quick “be careful”, Shepard then looks out the window. The rain is still coming down pretty hard, but it definitely isn’t the storm it was before. The sky is lightening up too, with beams of sunlight finally breaking through the grey clouds. 

“Looks like the rain’s finally letting up.” Shepard tries to say it matter-of-factly, but he knows he can’t hide the hint of disappointment that seeps through.

Kaidan pushes himself up to glance out the window too. “Guess it is,” he says, sounding just as reluctant. 

Sighing, Shepard swings his legs off the bed. He’s about to stand up when suddenly, Kaidan’s arms come around his waist to pull him back onto the mattress and into Kaidan’s lap.

“What are you doing?” Shepard asks, half surprised and half laughing. 

“We can take a couple more minutes,” Kaidan mumbles, nuzzling in the crook of Shepard’s neck. “We’re not even that far away.”

While that is true - Normandy Street’s only about a 25-minute drive from his apartment on a good day - and he would love nothing more than to spend the rest of the day in bed with Kaidan, someone has to be the responsible one right now. “I am, but you’re not, and I’m pretty sure you’d want to go home and change.”

It’s left unsaid, but Shepard knows he could let Kaidan borrow some of his clothes. It’s a tempting image (the sight of Kaidan in just his jacket has him already feeling this feral, he can’t imagine what it’ll be like if it’s a full outfit), but if he does, all of their friends will know immediately, and it’s still too soon. 

“Fine…” Kaidan pretends to whine while he pouts, sticking out his lower lip in a way that is both utterly adorable and absolutely dorky. And he’s the older one between the two of them!

Still, the man doesn’t let go. Warm and comfy in his grasp, Shepard doesn’t try to pull away. However, they really should be making a move, so Shepard says, “It’s not like we’re not going to see each other again. We can always go for another dinner, when are you free?”

“How about tonight?”

“Kaidan…” As much as Shepard is enjoying and wants to spend even more time with this version of Kaidan that he’s pretty sure no one else has seen before, even he knows that there can be too much of a good thing. 

“Okay, okay.” Kaidan finally relents, loosening his hold. “How about next Wednesday then?”

“Sounds perfect. And we can go to your place afterwards.” Shepard gives him a peck on the lips, smiling at the affection he finds in those brown eyes when he pulls away. How is it that they only had their first date less than 24 hours ago and they’ve reached this level of intimacy?

Shepard is still incredulous about that, but he’s not going to let that thought distract him for now. He finally gets off the bed, pulling Kaidan along with him. They quickly get dressed, and within minutes they’re out the door and taking the elevator down to the parking garage. 

They take this moment to exchange one more kiss, the feeling of Kaidan’s lips on his enough to energise Shepard for the rest of the day. They say their goodbyes and get in their cars, driving off to their respective destinations.

By the time Shepard arrives at the studio, the rain has settled into a light drizzle. Zaeed and Jack are inside, both attending to clients already. Shepard considers it a good thing, because neither of them, especially Jack, will have the opportunity to ask him why he’s in such a good mood.

After dropping his stuff off in his locker, he decides to grab an early lunch, especially since he has a long tattooing session coming up. Getting the orders of the other two, he dashes to Mordin’s. Just as he’s settled into one of the booths to wait, his phone vibrates. He pulls it out to find that it’s a message from Kaidan. 

[ Kaidan: Leaving the house now, see you soon :) ]

Shepard’s about to reply when another text comes in.

[ Kaidan: And btw, I really liked your jacket ]

Following that is an image, and Shepard immediately regrets opening it in public. It’s a selfie clearly taken this morning in his bathroom mirror, and there Kaidan is, the hoodie around his gorgeous shirtless body. Combined with the bed hair and lopsided easy-going smile, Shepard is practically drooling at the picture. Thank God he isn’t in the studio, because as busy as she is, Jack would have clocked his expression immediately. The only reason he’s safe here is that Mordin’s focused on the food, or else he would have said something too.

Kaidan knows exactly what he’s doing. 

Well, two can play at that game. 

[ Shepard: You got any hoodies I can try on? I bet I’ll look just as good as you ;) ]

[ Kaidan: I do, and I know you will. Can’t wait to see you in it next week ;> ]

Okay, now Shepard’s pretty much got a permanent grin stuck on his face. He’s really going to have to come up with an excuse soon. 

But right now? Shepard lets himself smile, lets himself enjoy the exuberance that fills his being. This is only the beginning, and he can’t imagine it getting any better.

Though, with Kaidan, he’s sure it will.

Chapter Text

Out of all the holidays in the year, Halloween has always been Shepard’s favourite. It was one of the few fun times he had in the orphanage, the kids allowed to dress up and brought to the closest neighbourhood to go trick-or-treating. Those few hours were some of the best Shepard would have all year, not to mention all the candy that he would ration to last throughout November.

So, when he first opened the studio on Normandy Street all those years ago, he was excited to find out that not only is Halloween celebrated, but there is also an annual tradition: the street is closed off to cars, and anyone from the surrounding neighbourhood can come down, with all the shops staying open till late to hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters.

In recent years, Shepard has also started another tradition. Once all the kids and their families have gone home, all the tenants and employees have a small little party at Steve’s where they have some drinks and do a little fashion show to let everyone show off their costumes, with tiny trophies given out to the scariest, best couple/group costume, and the overall best dressed.

With everyone on Normandy so invested in Halloween, it’s no surprise that Shepard is currently on a ladder outside the studio, hanging garlands of bat cutouts along the storefront window. Garrus is holding the ladder steady for him; Kasumi is busy arranging the pumpkins and skeletons while Jack and Zaeed are inside doing the final decorations. Decor has never been mandatory, but it’s his favourite holiday; nothing’s going to stop him from going all out. 

And because he takes Halloween so seriously, he always starts working on his costume months in advance. He would have worn it into work today, but its bulkiness would have affected his movements, which is not something you ever want from a tattoo artist. It’s currently stored away in a garment bag that he brought with him this morning, and he’s planning to change into it the minute he’s done. That said, several of his friends have been in costume for pretty much the whole day, or have already changed for the night ahead. So, it makes for a ridiculous scene where Garrus is holding the ladder dressed in a slightly more modest version of the blue macaw Carnival costume from the movie Rio , Kasumi as an Assassin from the brotherhood is trying her best to prop up an unruly skeleton, and Jack is in the store moving about as a creepy witch. Zaeed hasn’t changed either, but that’s only because the cranky old man always wants to be in costume for as little time as possible. 

Still, Shepard’s so focused on getting the garland hung just right that he doesn’t even turn around when he hears Kaidan and Ashley approach them, with the latter asking, “You guys need any help?” 

“Oh wow, Ash you look amazing!” He hears Kasumi say. “Winx Club, right?”

“Yeah, Flora to be exact. Kaidan and I both agreed on going with a nature theme. I did think of doing Poison Ivy, but I didn’t want to show that much skin,” says Ashley.

“Well, Kaidan, you don’t seem to mind doing that yourself,” comments Garrus, who then continues with, “Hey Shepard, why don’t you take a look at their costumes?”

Shepard should have known. He can practically hear the smirk on Garrus’s face, knowing that it’s really Kaidan that Garrus wants him to look at. And when he does turn around after finally pinning up the last garland, while Ash’s costume is definitely stunning, it’s Kaidan’s outfit that truly catches his attention.

They had agreed they would be keeping their costumes a secret from each other, though in the days leading up to tonight Shepard had been sending him pictures as hints out of pure excitement. Kaidan, on the other hand, had revealed nothing, and now Shepard knows why. 

Kaidan has on one of those ancient Greek robes, white cloth draped over his left shoulder leaving the entire right side of his chest and right arm exposed, as well as his muscular legs since the robe stops right above the knee. Nestled around his head is a wreath of leaves, with various other flowers pinned along the length of the robe, the material of which is held tight enough against his body with a rustic leather belt to show off his physique.

He’s dressed as a damn Greek god, and Shepard is just thankful he’s still atop the ladder because his friends can’t see the way he’s ogling the man. Though that doesn’t stop them from looking up at him, waiting for his reaction. None of this is helped by the fact that Kaidan is grinning, no doubt enjoying the way Shepard is just outright staring at him.

He will not give them the satisfaction however, practised as he is, having been keeping their relationship secret for months now. He does take a second to compose himself, making sure he doesn’t give too much away “Looking good, both of you. Kaidan, you supposed to be a Greek god of some kind?”

“Aristaeus,” Kaidan says. When the reaction to the name is a bunch of clueless faces, Shepard included, he continues, “Son of Apollo, patron god of - among many other things - agriculture, beekeeping, honey, hunting, and ropemaking.” 

“Show-off,” Ashley comments, which is immediately rewarded by a playful jab of the elbow from Kaidan.

Count Shepard impressed. He didn’t know that Kaidan’s this knowledgeable about Greek mythology. As if he needed another reason to find the man attractive. 

To make sure this thought doesn’t show on his face, Shepard uses the opportunity to get down from the ladder. When his feet are back on the ground, he asks, “As impressive as it is, aren’t you cold?” A genuine concern, because while the costume does make for a delicious sight, the nights of these later months have brought with them a certain chill. It’s not freezing cold by any means, but having so much skin exposed can’t be comfortable, something Shepard knows from past costumes that have been on the more revealing side. 

“I’m fine. Besides, I run hot.” He says this rather nonchalantly, but Shepard doesn’t miss the quick look he directs his way. 

“I’m sure you do,” Ashley replies, partly grossed out but also glancing expectantly at Shepard, with Kasumi and Garrus following suit.

Shepard just rolls his eyes. They are not going to get anything out of him. Besides, it’s not a new fact; whenever they spend the night together, Kaidan is his personal heater, the warmth of his body so comforting against his own. 

“Yeah well, if you get sick, don’t expect me to show up at your door with food again,” Shepard mockingly chides, earning a chuckle from Kaidan and even more amused looks from his friends. Ignoring the latter, he picks up the boxes they used to store the decorations and heads back into the store. He leaves them in the back, then grabs his costume and makes his way to the restroom. 

It takes a while, what will all the layers and pieces, but he manages to put it on by himself. Thankfully, nothing has broken off during the journey here this morning. After taking one last look in the mirror to make sure everything’s in place, he heads back out. 

“Damn, Commander, you look good!” Jack’s comment is the first he hears, and the rest turn to look, immediately impressed while voicing similar sentiments. With such high praise, Shepard can’t help but smile, especially when he turns to Kaidan, who has both admiration and surprise clear on his face. 

Stunned, Kaidan asks, “A Viking?”

Shepard nods. Hours spent researching for the sake of historical accuracy, and even more hours spent searching for the right fake furs, leather clothes, and boots definitely paid off. He might not have the stereotypical braided hair, but with his broad shoulders, bared arms, and axe that he has strapped to his belt, he looks every part a Viking of old. When he had first finished the costume and put it on back home, he was genuinely taken aback by how well it fit him. Thinking about it now, he might even have some Nordic blood in him for all he knows. If only the orphanage had bothered keeping any proper records of his, then he could have checked. 

“I always try to incorporate my tattoos into my costumes,” Shepard says, flexing his arms. He does so mainly to prove his point, but if it gets Kaidan staring at his biceps while doing so, then that’s just an added bonus. 

“Yeah, you should have seen his pirate outfit from last year,” Kasumi helpfully adds. “It was incredible.”

“You have to show it to me some time,” Kaidan says, and Shepard can almost see the gears in the man’s brain turning away, trying to think of a pirate-based pickup line but also stopping himself from actually saying the pickup line in front of all their friends. 

The moment quickly passes though, and they all make their way to Mordin’s for dinner. It’s part of the yearly tradition too, everyone enjoying one of Mordin’s Halloween themed dishes before the street officially opens for trick-or-treating. And they finish their food just in time as the first visitors start streaming in. 

Positioning himself at the front desk of the studio with his bag of candy, Shepard watches as people of all ages in various costumes enjoy the night. Shepard has never been the best at talking to children, but on this holiday he always tries his best, hyping the kids up regarding whatever they’re wearing. He reminisces about his own childhood, how even though his costumes didn’t always look that great with the limited resources he had back then, there would always be a few grownups complimenting him on it. So, that’s who he aims to be, hoping to be that encouraging presence for these few hours of the night.

Of course, as with each year before, there are a handful parents who steer their children away from the tattoo studio, as well as a few kids who are just plain scared of Shepard and the rest, but these are greatly outnumbered, with many trick-or-treaters lining up to take pictures with them after getting their sweets.

And it isn’t just the children. All of the stores are having some sort of Halloween-related deals or specials, and it’s always a great hit. For the studio, Shepard and Garrus decided on having a flash sale, having several spooky-themed designs ready for anybody who wants them. Ironically enough, on this night people seem less inhibited by their fears, and there’s constantly been a strong demand. Also, it always makes for incredible scenes, like right now, for example: Zaeed - who has changed into his very simple yet effective mad scientist costume - is tattooing a woman dressed as Mulan. 

Time flies when you’re having fun, and before Shepard knows it, it’s getting late. The crowds are thinning out, the various bags of candy almost completely empty, and the last customer is making their payment. Overall, another successful Halloween on Normandy Street.

But the night is still young, and they have a party to get ready for, so Shepard and the rest make quick work of the clean-up. By the time they get to the bar, the music is already pumping and the drinks are flowing. 

The fashion show’s not going to start for a little while, or at least not until everyone is sufficiently tipsy, so Shepard decides to move around a little, hoping from person to person, focused on observing and complimenting everyone’s costumes. Eventually, he finds himself settling into a chair at the table where Kaidan is with a bottle of beer in hand.

The music and talking is loud enough that he’s not too conscious about being overheard. Still though, he has to resist the urge to scooch his chair a little closer when he asks, “So, Greek God, huh?”

“It was either this or a cowboy.”

Shepard almost snorts at the image of the latter as well as the thought of Kaidan with a southern drawl. “I can’t imagine you as a country boy, Kaidan.”

“Well, I do know how to ride a horse,” Kaidan says, and Shepard just looks at him in surprise. Yet another thing on his list of impressive skills. 

“Really?”

“For a long time, apart from trucks and tractors, horses were the only other way you could get around the orchard, and I guess my parents felt it was something worth teaching me. They don’t use horses anymore, but they still have two mares for sentimental reasons.” Kaidan takes a sip as he continues, “I can teach you someday, if you’d like.”

Shepard nods, but his mind is not on the proposed lessons, because right then, a part of his brain just has to supply the incredibly unhelpful image of Kaidan in a blue shirt with the top few buttons unbuttoned to reveal a sweaty chest, tight jeans that showed off his ass, and a gruff yet suave lightly stubbled face looking up from under the brim of a cowboy hat. 

This visual is also quickly followed up by a single line: Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Aside from the fact that Shepard has already taken a ride on the night of their first date (and several more times in the months since), these are not thoughts that he needs to be having in this very public space with all his friends around. So, he takes a huge swig from his own bottle, hoping to wash away the dirty thoughts - or at least save it till later, for after the party. 

Shepard is thankfully saved from his own thoughts when Steve gets up onto the stage and announces the beginning of the fashion show. It’s a super casual thing, so there’s no real order to it; anyone is more than welcome to start things off. And for tonight, that person is Liara, dressed as an amazing version of Mystique. 

As is custom, everyone takes their turn to walk up and down the stage all while Steve and Joker give some hilarious commentary. You’re supposed to do a turn to let everyone appreciate the outfit, then strike a pose in character, both for the fun of it and for photos. It’s all a little silly, but the best things usually are, and Shepard’s enjoying every second of it.

When it’s finally his turn, he soaks up all the attention, smiling at all the loud cheers and whoops sent his way as he shows off his Viking finery in all its glory. To really get the most of it, he even grabs a large pint of beer that James had prepared in advance and downs all of it in one go, his friends cheering him on as he does so. He knows he’s probably going to regret that tomorrow, but for now, when he finally downs the last gulp, the applause and cheers are worth it.

Grinning, he makes his way off the stage, slightly intoxicated from both the exhilaration and the beer. It’s only when he’s back in his seat that he realises Kaidan has gone up, a round of whistles and screams erupting as he does his thing. The man is clearly a little overwhelmed by it all, but he seems to take it all in stride, showing off both his cool costume and his body. 

While he still looks damn sexy, he’s more cute than anything, with that mildly inebriated grin combined with the way he’s awkwardly trying to think of a good pose. Shepard laughs along with a sense of pride. That’s my boyfriend , he thinks giddily.

Once everyone’s done, the ballots are handed out for them to fill in the top 3 of who they think are the best in each category, with first getting three points, second getting two and third one, the winner of course being the one with the most points. Time limit’s 5 minutes, no discussions are allowed, and it’s all anonymous. Again, for such a silly thing, they all take it very seriously, the whole bar going quiet as they contemplate and write down their votes. 

By the time the ballots are gathered and the votes are tallied, the room is tense with anticipation. As the emcee, Steve always goes along with it, making his way back onto the stage and pausing dramatically at the microphone. Then, with all the gravitas of a presenter at an awards show, he announces the first winner of the night. “The scariest costume goes to… Miranda!”

It’s clear why. She’s been scaring the kids all night with her recreation of the absolutely terrifying Other Mother from Coraline, surely having spent hours getting the makeup just right. When Shepard first saw her on the street, he was legitimately scared for a second. Even now, even though she’s on the stage with the tiny trophy in hand, the smile on her face makes her even creepier. 

As the cheers die down, Steve continues. “For the best couple or group, it was a close race, but tonight’s winners are…. Wrex and Grunt!”

The announcement receives a roar of laughter. Shepard had voted for them too, and why wouldn’t he when these two buff as hell, tough as nails men are dressed as Bowser and Baby Bowser respectively. It’s an absolutely hilarious scene, and he can only imagine how long it must have taken to convince Grunt to dress up like that. He’s been grumbling about it for the whole of October, but he doesn’t seem to mind it now, holding his trophy high in the air next to Wrex.

“Alright, it’s finally time for the big prize of the night. As usual, we’re going to get our top 3 up here before we announce our final winner. First…” Steve does a dramatic pause as everyone joins in on making a drumroll by slapping the tables. “Samantha!’

Cheers erupt as she makes her way on stage, looking absolutely incredible in what can only be described as a cyberpunk outfit that has lights inlaid into her jacket and really intricate body art to represent cybernetics. 

“Next, we have…. Shepard!”

Shepard is taken aback by the announcement. It’s been a few years since he’s been in the top 3, and though he knows his outfit for tonight is really good, he didn’t expect it at all. Still, he smiles as he makes his way, moving past his friends who are clapping and cheering for him, high-fiving Samantha as he stands next to her.  

“And last but certainly not least… Kaidan!”

Shepard does give a loud whoop at that, clapping loudly as Ashley has to push a stunned Kaidan to the stage. It’s a lot of attention heaped onto him for one night, but he’s still trying to take it all in. And once on stage, Shepard gives him a supportive fist bump and a big grin. 

“Now, the moment we’ve been waiting for. Tonight’s winner for best dressed goes to…” The drumroll starts again, only louder and more intense. Steve takes another dramatic breath… “Our dear Commander Shepard!”

The immediate reaction of loud cheering and clapping is overwhelming. Shepard can hardly believe it, even when Steve is handing him the trophy. He won once a few years ago, and he’s had such fierce competition since then and including tonight, so he never expected it.

As he thanks everyone with high fives and fist bumps, he eventually turns to Kaidan, who is just beaming at him with pride and adoration. Shepard grins back, high on adrenaline from winning. 

God, he really wants to kiss him. 

Something clicks in his head then. 

Wait, why can’t he?

He’s moving before he can fully process the repercussions. 

His hand has already come up to grab onto the front of Kaidan’s robe as a single thought crosses his mind.

Fuck it, we’ve waited long enough.

He pulls Kaidan to him and their lips crash together. Kaidan, though at first surprised, takes but a second before he’s kissing back in kind.

Screams and shouts erupt all around them. Even when they pull apart, the ruckus continues. Of course, he expected this reaction, though he takes a moment to study Kaidan’s to make sure he’s alright with this sudden reveal, especially considering that they haven’t discussed it recently.

When he’s faced with a bright smile, it’s with joyful reliec that he calmly turns to the rest and says, “Quick announcement: Kaidan and I are dating.”

Ashley’s question breaks through the noise, “When did it start?”

“If you must know, it was during the beach trip.”

“I fucking knew it!” Jack shouts with a devilish laugh. “Time to pay up!”

Several groans are heard as a few of them start reaching for their wallets. Shepard and Kaidan can only watch this incredulously, the latter asking, “What’s going on?”

“We’ve been placing bets on when you two would finally get your heads out of your asses and get together. There’s even a group chat and everything,” Jacob says as he unwillingly takes out thirty bucks. 

“Oh wait! I get some money too!” Tali exclaims. “I told you they’d tell us about it on a holiday!” There’s another round of groans as even more money is passed around. 

“Hold on,” Shepard says, trying to make sense of the chaos unfolding around him. “You all knew ?”

“Of course we did,” Garrus says with a considerable stack of notes in his hand. “Not immediately though, if that makes you feel any better. It was only a couple of weeks after the beach trip that we all started to suspect, but did you really think we wouldn’t know, with the way you two have been acting recently? All happy and smiling, all those glances at your phones and at each other.”

“Not to mention how you guys arrive to work some mornings,” Samantha adds from beside him, with a knowing smirk on her face. “All bright-eyed and bushy tailed, practically glowing from what was obviously a night of s-”

“ Okay. ” Shepard stops her right there. He looks at Kaidan, who has a similar look of disbelief on his face. These past few months, all their efforts to keep this a secret have basically been for nothing? “So, what, you were all just going to wait and see?”

“Since we already had money in the pool, we’d thought we would just keep it going. Though it took you guys long enough. Three months, really?” Joker pipes up, sounding unsurprisingly peeved due to his now significantly lighter wallet.

“But it was really sweet, watching the two of you trying to sneak around even though your affections for each other were so obvious,” Liara says in a tone indicating that while she’s clearly trying to lighten the situation, she is nonetheless very happy for them. 

“When did this start? Who even started-” Shepard doesn’t have to finish the second question when he realises that the answer is obvious. He turns to the only possible culprits of this whole shenanigan. 

Jack and Kasumi are busy counting their winnings when Shepard’s gaze falls on them. At least Kasumi has the decency to give a sheepish smile. Jack, on the other hand, says, “Hey, if anything, you should be thanking me.”

“For what?”

“For making you introduce yourself.”

“I would have done it eventually!”

“Yes, but who knows how long you would have taken? Besides, with those cookies, you certainly make a good first impression. Right, Kaidan?”

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Kaidan, still stunned from the whole thing, open and close his mouth for a few seconds before he finally says, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

Shepard quickly shushes him. When he turns back, her smugness is almost intolerable, and it’s definitely not helped by the fact that she’s also passing some of the money to his other employee, one of the few that he thought would never involve themselves in something as silly as this. “You too, Zaeed?”

The old man nonchalantly shrugs as he stuffs the money into his pocket. “The odds were good, Shepard, what can I say? You lovebirds couldn’t be more fucking obvious if you tried.” 

At this point, Shepard has pretty much given up on trying to fight back. While he still feels completely blindsided by the whole thing, he knows that his friends are all coming from a genuinely good place of wanting the two of them to be happy, so how can he be mad?

He looks to Kaidan again, and he can tell that he’s likely reached the same conclusion too, based on the amusement on his face. 

Sighing, Shepard shakes his head. Fuck it , he thinks for the second time that night, if you can’t beat them, join them .

“Well, since you guys basically paid for it.” Shepard smirks before pulling Kaidan to him once more, the other man’s hands instantly coming up to hold onto him. Whistles and cheers yet again, only this time it’s mixed with some playful groans, including a “Get a room!” from James. 

Shepard laughs against Kaidan’s lips. It’s such a crazy scenario, but this is the family he’s found, and he wouldn’t change that for the world.

Chapter Text

Shepard is putting his stuff in his locker when he hears the front door of the studio open, followed by an exchange of “good morning”s;  most likely it’s Kaidan bringing in the weekly delivery. When Shepard leaves the office, he’s greeted by a bouquet of small clusters of tiny white blossoms being placed onto the front counter. The florist, already pre-empting the question that Shepard asks every week, says, “They’re Angelica flowers. Mainly used for medicinal purposes, but I thought it’d be a waste not to appreciate their delicate beauty.”

“Thank you,” Shepard replies as he admires them, smiling at his boyfriend. It’s a week after the whole Halloween reveal, and it’s been a huge weight off of his shoulders having to no longer be constantly aware of his actions. Not that he’s one for big public displays of affection anyway, but at least he’s free to reach over to give Kaidan’s hand a warm squeeze. 

While Kaidan would normally leave right after dropping off the flowers, today he stays. “I saw that you guys just put up some new flash designs.”

Shepard nods, recalling the many messages in the group chat from last night to remind each other to upload the designs onto their various socials. Though they’ve talked about it in passing, Kaidan has never voiced any particular interest until now. 

Kasumi, who has been looking over the schedule closeby, perks up at the comment. “You thinking about getting one?”

“I am, actually.”

“Wait, really?” Shepard asks. Again, they’ve brought it up every now and then, but Kaidan’s always been hesitant, which is why it’s such a surprise for him to be so sure of it now, especially with something from a flash instead of something custom.

Kasumi, now much more interested, moves closer. “Whose are you considering?” It’s a question that Shepard wants to know the answer to as well; while he would be honoured to do Kaidan’s first tattoo, he mentally runs through the catalogue that all five of them from the studio have put out, each with such wildly different styles but with something that he could see Kaidan potentially getting. 

“I was looking at one of Jack’s.”

The second she hears her name, the woman in question pops her head out from behind the curtain sectioning off her station. A mischievous grin grows on her face as she walks over. “Well, well, well, Kaidan, I’m honoured. Which one’s caught your eye?”

Kaidan hesitates for a moment, glancing between her and Shepard before saying, “Umm… I’d like it to be just between us for now, if that’s okay.”

Shepard can only stare in both confusion and curiosity. Why would his boyfriend be keeping his first tattoo a secret? It’s not exactly something he can hide for long, so he must be holding off the reveal for a reason, which he’s sure not to be telling him anytime soon. 

Jack, on the other hand, is very amused, the grin on her face only getting wider. “In that case, why don’t we discuss this in private? I think I should be able to pencil you in sometime later this week.” She leads Kaidan  to her station, with him mouthing a “sorry” to Shepard. She, on the other hand, directs a look at Shepard that is clearly a warning not to eavesdrop.

And as much as Shepard wants to, he respects their privacy and Kaidan’s decision. However, that does not mean he doesn’t try to figure it out later, whenever he and Kaidan spend time together or over text. Even though Kaidan is shut like a steel trap and says that he’ll only show it to him once it’s healed for a week or two, Shepard persists, continuing until the day of his appointment. 

It feels ridiculous for his movements to be restricted in his own studio, but that’s exactly what has happened, with Jack essentially forbidding him from going anywhere near her station until Kaidan’s tattoo is done and covered back up. Not that she can actually do anything while she’s tattooing, but Shepard is willing to hold off on the temptation to peek. Thankfully, he has a client coming in at around the same time, so at least he’ll be distracted. 

Still, even though Kaidan is a grown man, Shepard can’t help but worry. All of yesterday he’s been reminding Kaidan to drink plenty of water and get a good night’s sleep. And right now, he still feels the need to tell him, “If it starts to really hurt, don’t force yourself to keep going. You can let yourself take a break if you need to.” Not that Shepard underestimates Kaidan, but he knows how the man acts when it comes to his migraines, always trying to work through it rather than resting until the pain subsides. Shepard will never know if the pain of getting a tattoo is comparable, but he’s sure that Kaidan is likely to have the same mentality, which will not do him any good.

Luckily, Kaidan is not annoyed, only looking at him with gratitude. “I know. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, Shepard, don’t be such a worrywart. I’m not going to hurt your boyfriend,” Jack teases, but when he turns to her, he sees understanding in her eyes.

Knowing that he’ll be in good hands, Shepard relaxes and lets her take Kaidan to her station, pulling the curtain closed behind them. There’s the rustling of clothes, then the hum of the tattoo machine being turned on. 

Left with nothing to do, Shepard returns to his own station to prepare. He only hopes that Kaidan’s chosen something small so that it won’t take too long to heal, and that this mystery can be uncovered soon.

~

Over the next two weeks, Shepard is honestly proud of himself for not being driven crazy by the anticipation and suspense of not knowing. Not that he hasn’t tried to find out, but Kaidan’s been extremely vigilant in keeping the tattoo hidden. Shepard hasn’t seen him shirtless in weeks, including the times they’ve had sex - he’s always kept a shirt or hoodie on, which has been frustrating though also incredibly hot at times (not that Shepard’s going to admit that any time soon). Regardless, he knows that Kaidan is being so stubborn about this for a good reason, so he’s willing to wait.

His patience is finally rewarded when Kaidan texts him about dinner and spending the night, with hints that he’s finally going to do the big reveal. Though Shepard agrees and texts back almost immediately, a few hours later Kaidan still hasn’t replied with any concrete plans. No matter, Shepard decides to just use his break to go over and discuss it in person. 

As he crosses the road, he spots an older lady with two to-go coffee cups in her hands struggling to open the door to the flower shop. Jogging over, Shepard quickly pulls the door open for her, to which she smiles and thanks him. Going in after her, Shepard finds Kaidan at the front desk. He walks over, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek. 

Kaidan’s about to say something when the lady comments, “Don’t you two look adorable together!”

Shepard’s blushes slightly. Again, he’s still getting used to public displays of affection, especially when he’s around people from outside of the shopping street. But still, he’s grateful for the compliment. 

But just as he wants to thank her, Kaidan, in an embarrassed tone, says, “Mom.”

Mom?!

How did he not recognise her after seeing so many of Kaidan’s family photos? He fights the instinctual urge to move away from Kaidan – it’s not as if they’ve done something scandalous, but he just feels so incredibly awkward that he doesn’t know what else to do.

Kaidan, sensing this, places a calming hand on the small of his back. “Shepard, I’d like you to meet my mother, Isabel Alenko.”

Shepard is freaking out as he sticks out a hand. He considers it a miracle that his voice sounds relatively normal. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs Alenko.”

The woman shakes his hand, smiling warmly the entire time. It’s clear where Kaidan gets it from. “So I was right, you’re the Shepard I’ve heard so much about. You’re just as handsome as my son described.” 

Kaidan lets out another embarrassed and drawn out “ Mom ” while Shepard absolutely panics, suddenly very self-conscious. He’s never met a partner’s parents before, and he has no idea what to do, only that he has to give a good first impression. Also, while he knows that Kaidan has told his parents about him, he doesn't know what he’s been telling them; knowing Kaidan, he’s been nothing but complimentary, but even then Shepard feels like he has some unknown standard he has to live up to now. 

“Also, you still haven’t told me why you’re here,” Kaidan says, and that’s a bit of a relief for Shepard, knowing that this is just as much of a surprise for him. 

“Well, you’ve told us so much about your new shop and all your new friends that I wanted to take a look for myself. I also wanted to check in on you, especially after the past few months you’ve spent gushing about this man.” There is not a hint of suspicion or sarcasm in her voice, and Shepard feels more relieved that this isn’t going to be some cheesy, overly-dramatic soap opera where she’s a helicopter parent who’s going to assess if he’s worthy of dating her child. In fact, her eyes are alight with amusement, giving off the distinct impression that she’s just having a blast teasing her son.

With this realisation, Shepard does relax a little, letting himself smile at the way Kaidan has gone almost completely red, spluttering as he says, “Okay, I think you’ve embarrassed me enough. I think we can let Shepard go now, he’s probably busy-”

“Now hold on, not so fast.” She gives Kaidan a look before turning to Shepard. “Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?”

Ah, so that’s why Kaidan hasn’t replied. There’s been a change in plans. Though Kaidan doesn’t vocally object, Shepard can tell from the look he’s giving him that he’s saying “I’m sorry for putting you on the spot” and “you don’t have to if you don’t want to” at the same time. 

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Shepard responds. It’s the most diplomatic answer he can think of, but it’s also partially because he’s afraid of how potentially overwhelming it will be. 

“Nonsense! You’re basically part of the family now. Also-” she leans in closer, whispering but still loud enough for Kaidan to hear. “I have plenty of fun stories from his childhood that he’ll never tell you in a million years.” 

Well, with an offer like that, how can he refuse? “Then dinner it is then.” Shepard smiles as Kaidan sighs beside him. At least they’ll both be going through this together. 

“I’ll text you the details,” Kaidan says, sounding slightly defeated though still with a smile. The hand that was on Shepard’s back now moves to his waist, giving it a small squeeze. Normally, Shepard wouldn’t think much of it, but since they’re still in front of Kaidan’s mom, he just returns the smile nervously, all while she is just grinning with joy as she watches them. 

He says his goodbyes and leaves, but as he returns to the studio, the panic from earlier returns. It must be obvious on his face too, because the instant he opens the door, Jack immediately pipes up. “Woah, Shep, what happened? Did Kaidan say something? Did he-” she interrupts herself to gasp. “Did he finally show you the tattoo?”

Usually, Shepard avoids these nosy questions, but right now, he could really use the support. So, instead, he says, “Uh, no, it wasn’t Kaidan so much as it was Kaidan’s mom.” Now all eyes are on him, everyone’s curiosity fully piqued as he continues, “She’s here and she just invited me to join them for dinner tonight.”

“Oh wow, meeting the parents already?” Kasumi asks.

Shepard nods. Yet another fresh reminder of how fast their relationship seems to be progressing, though this is not exactly an aspect he’s particularly experienced in, so he’s not even sure if this is something he should have been preparing for the past few months. Speaking of, he turns to the one person in the studio who has the most recent experience on this front. 

“Garrus, I need your help.” He says to his best friend who is currently sitting at his own station. “What am I supposed to say, or to even wear? What if I do something stupid and-”

Two big hands slap down hard on his shoulders. The pain shocks him out of his rambling, and he looks up at his tall friend who has a mix of amusement and sympathy on his face. “First, calm down.”

Taking a deep breath, Shepard does try to settle his own rapid heartbreak. He is still freaking out, but he’s no longer on the brink of hyperventilating. 

Satisfied, Garrus continues, “Second, where are you going tonight?”

Right on time, Shepard receives two texts from Kaidan. The first is to let him know that he’ll be picking him up at 7, the second is a link to the restaurant’s website. Opening up the page, Shepard doesn’t recognise the name, but based on the fancy font and photos of the extravagant interior, it’s probably one that he would never even think to patronise, not to mention that the food is likely going to be pricier than what he’s used to. 

He shows his phone screen to Garrus, who takes a minute to just look. Once he’s done, he says, “Well, obviously wear something nice.”

“ Garrus ,” Shepard says, exasperated despite knowing that his friend is only teasing. 

“Look, the restaurant isn’t important. Just be yourself, and you’ll be fine. I take it that he’s told his mom about you before?” That receives a nod. “And she was nice to you earlier?” Another nod. “Then you have nothing to worry about! She already likes you and probably just wants to get to know you a little better, that’s all.” 

“But isn’t it too soon?” Shepard genuinely has no idea what the average timeline of a relationship should be, but he and Kaidan have only been together for just over three months; it’s taken him longer than that to even consider some of the others on Normandy Street his friends. “When did you first meet Tali’s family?”

“Around six or seven months after we started dating,” Garrus says, but before Shepard can start panicking again, he quickly continues, “ But you shouldn’t compare yourself to us, or anyone else for that matter. It’s your relationship. And, if you want me to be brutally honest, it’s not like you can postpone it since you’ve already accepted the invitation, so you might as well enjoy it.”

While that is true, and while it’s clear that Kaidan’s mom already approves of their relationship, Garrus’s advice does little to placate the nervous energy that fills him and refuses to go away for the rest of the day. If anything, it gets worse when he’s back home staring at his closet trying to figure out what to wear. Considering the restaurant they’re going to, he decides on a simple white shirt with a matching deep maroon blazer-pants combo. And though he knows that Mrs Alenko isn’t concerned about it, he still makes sure to button his shirt up all the way, something nagging at the back of his mind about keeping his tattoos covered up. 

Before he knows it, Kaidan’s already texting him to meet him downstairs. So, with one final last look in the mirror and another deep breath to calm himself, he heads down. It’s with both relief and surprise that he finds only Kaidan in the car.

“Where’s your mom?” Shepard asks as he gets into the passenger seat.

“The restaurant’s only about a ten minute walk from her hotel, so she’s going to meet us there.”

“She’s not staying with you?”

“I offered at the start, but she insisted. I’ll save you the details, but she basically said something about knowing what two healthy adults in a relationship like to get up to and not wanting to interrupt.” Kaidan visibly cringes and Shepard can’t help but do too. Kaidan sighs before continuing, “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I’m sure you can tell, but my mom can be a little much when it comes to my life.”

“It’s fine. I understand.” Hints of envy creep at the back of Shepard’s head. Kaidan is an only child, so it’s no wonder his parents are this involved. Though he sees how it can be a little overbearing, this much parental attention is something a much younger him could have only wished for. 

“Well, I’m just glad my dad isn’t here too. If he was, I’m pretty sure I would already be dead from embarrassment.”

“By the way, why isn’t he here?”

“I think there’s some stuff at the orchard that needs tending to, so he stayed there. But trust me when I say that my mom is more than capable of embarrassing me on her own, as proven earlier.”

“Hey, I think it’s sweet. Besides, if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have known how much you liked talking about me.” Shepard teases, grinning as Kaidan groans and blushes. 

“Wait till we get to dinner. I’m sure she has plenty more up her sleeve.” 

They arrive at the restaurant soon after, and though their talk has calmed him down somewhat, Shepard is still full of nerves, certainly not helped by the restaurant being as or if not more fancy than what he saw on the website. Mrs Alenko waves them over to the table with a smile, a short moment of comfort until he looks at the menu and its prices. Kaidan had told him that she’s insisting on giving them a treat, but he still chooses the least expensive cut of meat they have as his entree. 

Once their orders are placed and the waiter leaves, she turns to him. “So.” A beat passes, a second that terrifies him, wondering what kind of interrogation awaits him.

That doesn’t happen. Instead, she pulls out her phone. “Do you want to see Kaidan’s baby pictures?”

Relief is quickly followed by glee, especially when he sees Kaidan nearly choke on the sip of wine he’s just taken. Shepard grins. “I would love to.”

She passes the phone over, and Shepard is first greeted by a picture of Kaidan at what is likely just a few months old, dressed in an adorable outfit and nestled snugly against some thick couch cushions. 

Shepard is practically cooing at the sight. “You already had that head of hair on you since you were little, huh?”

“Would you believe he was born with all that hair? Even the nurses were surprised.” Mrs Alenko comments as Kaidan is covering his face with his hands while a muffled groan leaves his lips.

Shepard and Mrs Alenko spend the next few minutes gushing over pictures of Kaidan, ranging from when he was a baby all the way to his early teens. They’re currently looking at one of him at 14, dressed in ill-fitting overalls while pushing a wheelbarrow of dirt, when Kaidan interrupts.

“Mom,” he sputters, the tips of his ear red. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m your mother, what else am I supposed to do? Besides, you’ve never brought anyone home before, and since I’ve never had the chance to bring out the family albums, I thought I’d bring the photos with me instead, especially now that I’m finally meeting your special someone.” Mrs Alenko flashes a smile at both of them, and Kaidan says something in return, but Shepard doesn’t hear it.

He’s the only one that Kaidan’s mom has met? It’s as much of a first for them as it is for him? He has absolutely no clue how to feel about that, there only being the slightest bit of relief from the knowledge that Mrs Alenko will not be comparing him to any of Kaidan’s previous partners. 

There is a pause in the conversation as the food is served, so Shepard has a quick moment to compose himself. He’s especially grateful for it when Mrs Alenko next comments, “Well, Shepard, I’m sure you have some baby pictures of your own you can show us next time.”

“Oh… I don’t really have any pictures of myself when I was a kid. I think I only kept one or two of the formal ones that the orphanage took to present to potential adopters.”

A heavy silence fills the air. Shepard doesn’t blame Kaidan for not telling his mother about this rather personal topic, but now he can only hope that this doesn’t affect how she thinks of him. She’s from a different generation after all, and while she’s been extremely welcoming, Shepard knows better than to assume.

But he didn’t need to worry, because once she comprehends what he’s said, she gives him a warm smile. “That’s alright. I don’t need pictures; I can just tell that you were an adorably precocious child. Besides, I’m sure you and my son will take many more together.”

Under the table, Shepard feels Kaidan’s hand give him a comforting squeeze on the knee. They exchange smiles, and from that point on, Shepard no longer feels like he has to constantly be on his toes.

The rest of the meal is enjoyable, with Mrs Alenko either relaying even more stories about Kaidan, or asking Shepard about his own life, often filling in the gaps of what Kaidan has already told her. She has a lot of questions, but she never pries, never pushes for more than what he is willing to answer. Shepard is more than fine with this, though he’s also grateful for Kaidan’s presence beside him, with the occasional squeeze on the knee or thigh coupled with a constant gentle smile.

By the time they’re done, Shepard feels much more at ease then when they started, confident in the fact that he’s done a pretty good job of charming Kaidan’s mom - though if he’s being honest, she was pretty charmed already, he just had to make sure he didn’t mess that up. Still, it’s all been rather stressful, so he’s secretly thankful when the check is quickly settled and they’re ready to go. Kaidan leaves first to get his car, telling his mom and Shepard to wait for him by the entrance. 

The minute Kaidan’s out of earshot, she turns to him. “I wanted to thank you, Shepard.”

“What for?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen my son this happy.”

Shepard’s cheeks heat up. She could just be saying this for the sake of it, but from the look in her eyes and how she has been the entire meal, he knows that she’s being completely genuine. “He makes me very happy too. He’s been incredibly good to me.”

“I’m glad to hear that. He’s always been a little over-eager to prove himself, but he tries his best,” she says, shaking her head amusedly. “I’m just happy that he’s managed to find someone who looks out for him. Take care of him for me, alright? And make sure he takes care of you too.”

It’s a simple enough request, but the way she’s phrased it… after everything else that’s happened tonight, it sounds very much like she’s giving them her blessing. And while it’s a rather old-fashioned concept, the thought alone has Shepard's heart race, but almost painfully so. 

However, he ignores it for now as Kaidan pulls up in front of them and they get in. The drive to the hotel is quick, and as they’re approaching the lobby, she says, “Shepard, it was really nice getting to know you.”

“Same to you, Mrs Alenko,” Shepard replies, turning back to look at her from the passenger seat.

She smiles, then switches focus to her son. “Kaidan, you better bring him home soon. It won’t be enough for your dad to just hear about your boyfriend from me.”

“I know, Mom,” Kaidan says with a playful eyeroll.

“Good.” She gives the both of them a warm squeeze on their shoulders, then gets out once the car’s at a complete stop. Before she closes the door, Shepard tells her “Take care!” while Kaidan shouts “See you soon!”

When they’re back on the road, Kaidan lets out a huge sigh. “Did she say anything else about me when I was gone?”

“A little, but only nice things.”

“Hmm,” Kaidan hums sceptically. “Well, after everything you’ve heard about me tonight, do you still want to come over to my place?”

Shepard laughs at that, because while Mrs Alenko has revealed a lot about her son, the stories and anecdotes were hardly incriminating. His impression of Kaidan hasn’t changed; if anything, the man’s become even more endearing. “I would like nothing more.”

“Even after learning about that time I got my butt stuck in a barrel and had to basically crawl like a hermit crab all the way back to the house for help?”

“Especially after hearing about that.”

Though he’s focused on the road, Kaidan’s look softens and he’s trying his best not to smile. “You have a strange taste in men.”

Shepard grins. “I know.”

The rest of the drive to Kaidan’s is uneventful, and it’s only when they’re inside that Shepard finally asks a question that’s been at the back of his mind since Mrs Alenko made a particular comment. They’re both seated on the couch with beers in hand when Shepard brings it up. “Before your mom showed up today, were you planning on bringing me to your parent’s place?”

“Of course!” Kaidan replies, clearly shocked that Shepard would think otherwise. “I was thinking Christmas. The invitation is still on the table, if you’d like to come visit. It can get pretty cold, but I promise you the orchard is beautiful in the snow.”

Christmas on Normandy Street has always been a communal affair. Anyone who wasn’t going home or visiting family for the holidays would gather at someone’s place for a little get-together which typically included a potluck and a secret santa exchange. Save for one year when he visited Anderson in London, Shepard’s always gone to these parties, and while he’s enjoyed them everytime, he wouldn’t mind a little change.

Yet, for some reason, the thought of spending such a special day with Kaidan and his parents causes the ache from before to return. It’s like there’s something pressing on his chest, making it difficult to breathe while his heart speeds back up. But again, he tries to ignore it. Besides, how can he say no to such a heartfelt request? “I’d like that.”

“Great! Now for the main reason you’re here,” Kaidan says as he puts down his bottle and begins removing his coat and shirt. 

Shepard puts his own bottle down too, the anticipation of the reveal of Kaidan’s tattoo temporarily drowning out the discomfort. “Is it healing okay?” Kaidan nods just as he pulls his shirt off, revealing the ink on his left pec. Shepard shifts a little closer, wanting to see the tattoo in all its detail.

Much to Shepard’s surprise, Kaidan has chosen one of the larger designs, one of an astronaut floating in space. Gently, he runs his fingers over it, and he can feel Kaidan’s strong heartbeat underneath. “Jack did a good job.”

“She did.”

“But why an astronaut? I didn’t know you liked stuff about space.”

“I do, but not as much as someone else,” Kaidan replies softly, and his pulse speeds up under Shepard’s fingertips.

“... You got this… for me?” Shepard looks at him then, and all he sees are those soulful brown eyes as the man nods. “Why? It’s your first tattoo, it should be something significant to you.”

Even as he says it, he knows why. He knows what it means. The reason is clear, but he cannot voice it. “Kaidan…”

“If you want me to spell it out for you, I can,” Kaidan says with an easy smile and a light flush. “I lov-”

“Don’t.” Shepard now has his palm flat against Kaidan’s chest, practically covering the tattoo. “I…” 

Shepard’s heart is racing now, beating so hard in his tightening chest. It hurts. He can’t breathe. His hand that isn’t touching Kaidan is trembling. 

This pain refuses to be ignored. Not now, when Shepard has an idea of why it’s here. 

The speed of everything has finally caught up to him. Deep down, some part of him knows that this was probably coming, but this tattoo, this final thing, has made it all real. If he hears Kaidan say those words to him, that will be the final leap into the unknown.

And right now, all Shepard knows is that it utterly terrifies him. 

Through the panic, he manages to find some words. “It’s not you, it’s me, I…” 

He does not dare to look up, does not dare to see the distraught look that is surely on Kaidan’s face. Instead, all he says is, “I’m sorry, I should go.” 

He pushes himself off the couch and out the door. He doesn’t look back once.

Cold air fills his lungs. He shivers. 

He brings his hands up to his mouth to warm them up with his breath. But all he remembers is the heat of Kaidan’s skin. He craves nothing more. 

… But what if I’ve lost it forever?

Chapter Text

“Hey Garrus, when did you know you wanted to marry Tali?”

It’s been two days since that night, and Shepard has been feeling horrible about everything. He hates how he’s treated Kaidan, but there’s no saving anything if he can’t get his feelings in check. So, he does the only thing he can do: go to his best friend for help. He has to; he’s been struggling with it on his own and the weight of it has been unbearable.

It’s a quiet day for both him and Garrus, the two of them working on some admin in the office when he asks. Beyond a raised eyebrow, Garrus doesn’t question this sudden inquiry. He just leans back in his chair and says, “I’d actually been thinking about it for a while, but it was during the trivia night in June that I knew for sure. To make things interesting, we had made a bet about whose team would win. I was trying so hard, but then at one point I looked over and saw how invested she was, discussing her answers with Legion and Miranda with so much passion that she was practically jumping out of her chair with excitement every time she knew the answer. That’s when I knew: I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”

A smile grows on his friend’s face as he says all this, and Shepard can’t help but smile too. That doesn’t last though, because Garrus asks a damning follow-up question. “So, does this have something to do with Kaidan?”

Shepard’s face falls but he isn’t that surprised. “That obvious, huh?”

“I’ve known you for years, Shepard. Of course I can tell. Plus, the two of you are clearly avoiding each other,” Garrus says, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”

He sighs, knowing there’s no way he can lie to his friend. “It’s not anything as serious as marriage, if that’s what you’re wondering, but… Fuck, it’s so stupid…”

That night replays all too vividly in his head, and every second of it stings. “Kaidan was about to say that he loves me, but I stopped him and I just… ran out.”

Burying his head in his hands, he doesn’t dare to face Garrus, knowing the likely judgemental look those steely eyes are giving him. 

An uncomfortably long beat passes before the other man speaks up. “Well, do you love him?”

Shepard thinks back to the past several months and every interaction he’s ever had with Kaidan, especially after they got together. Because of Kaidan’s presence in his life, he’s been filled with a sort of constant contentment, a lightness that carries him through each day no matter how stressful it gets. 

Because of him, Shepard has someone he can talk to about anything, who is there for both the good and the bad, accepting every part of him.

Because of him, Shepard gets to experience what it’s like to fall asleep and wake up in another’s arms, warm and safe and adored. 

He knows what love is; he loves his friends, this family he’s found for himself. But the thing that he feels when he’s with or even just thinking about Kaidan? It’s different, but there is no doubt that it is love, just of a much stronger, more romantic kind.

“Of course I do.”

“Then what are you so afraid of?” Garrus asks. Shepard looks up then, meeting the unfazed expression of his friend who is just standing there with his arms crossed, waiting for an answer.

Over the past two days, Shepard has had the time to sort through the mess that was his initial panic. He knows why he ran, but he still needs someone to talk him down from the ledge of fear, to pull him out of his own complicated feelings. And yet, even though Garrus has been his best friend for many years and has seen him at his worst, Shepard still can’t help but feel a little embarrassed at how raw his voice sounds when he says, “What if I lose him?”

“To what?”

“I don’t know; there’re plenty of things! Like… What if he realises that he wants someone better? I won’t want to hold him back, but…” Shepard manages to stop himself from diving too deep into that rabbit hole, but it claws at his thoughts nonetheless. 

Another beat passes between them before Garrus sighs. Yet, there is only an understanding look on his face. “Let me ask you this: when you and Kaidan first got together, did you see it as a long-term thing?”

Shepard’s never actually thought about that before. That night when they kissed for the first time, he wasn’t really thinking about much beyond getting his feelings across. “I don’t know.”

“Well, what about now?”

Now? “I can’t imagine him not being a part of my life. I don’t think I’ll be able to take it.”

Garrus shifts a little closer as he says, “Exactly how I felt when Tali and I first started dating. We’re engaged and I still feel that way sometimes. This fear is just something you have to contend with because, as cliche as it sounds, life is unpredictable. Sometimes bonds weaken and you find yourselves drifting apart. Other times, they strengthen and you develop an unshakeable connection, and even then, who knows if something happens that’s beyond your control. Only time will tell which direction a relationship will go. So, all I can tell you is to live in the now. Don’t let your fears of the future prevent you from embracing the joys of the present.”

Shepard can only stare at Garrus, quietly processing everything his friend has said. It’s not like these words are completely mind-blowing - he has heard it in other contexts before - but for it to come from his best friend, for it to be directed at him as he’s experiencing this dilemma… it’s just the perspective he needs to break out of his funk. 

Feeling that the atmosphere has gotten rather heavy, Shepard teases in an attempt at levity. “When did you get so good at handing out advice?”

Garrus smiles. “Must have picked it up from a good friend.”

Though they are both best friends and business partners, Garrus is a few years younger than him, and he was a much different person when they first met - oftentimes rash and hot-headed, much like Shepard was when he was first starting out. So, it was no surprise that in the early days of their friendship, Garrus went to him for help in plenty of his personal matters, or Shepard had to hold Garrus back before he did something he would regret. 

Shepard looks back fondly on those times, but he’s also proud of how much his friend has matured over the years. “Thank you, Garrus.”

“Don’t mention it,” Garrus says. “Just go talk to Kaidan, will you? All of us hate seeing the two of you this miserable.”

“But what if it’s too late?” Shepard asks, suddenly struck by the realisation that Kaidan’s still in the dark about everything. 

“It’s not. Trust me.” Garrus gives him a squeeze on the shoulder before heading back out to the main floor of the studio. Left alone in the office, Shepard allows himself a moment to plan. 

He’ll have to talk to Kaidan soon, because the longer he drags this on, the higher the chance of it all going to pieces. And yet, a simple apology will not be enough. He needs to prove to Kaidan that this was just a momentary weakness and his feelings are true. It needs to be substantial, significant, something that doesn’t need explanation because words will not be enough.

Right then, Shepard is hit with a great idea. 

He leaves the room, calling out. “Hey Kasumi, can you help me with something?”

~

It’s been a week and a half since he had that conversation with Garrus, and he’s been spending all that time thinking of the best way to start the conversation. Even then, it took him 20 minutes to write and rewrite the opening message. He also feels particularly shitty for essentially having ghosted his boyfriend, though he’s sure that his friends have been giving him updates. Regardless, it’s with trepidation that Shepard finally presses send. 

[ Shepard: Are you free tonight? ]

Momentarily relief is quickly followed by anxious anticipation. He contemplates just sitting there and waiting, but he knows it’s not going to do him any good. So, he puts his phone aside and gets to work on a client’s proposed design. Thankfully, Kaidan doesn’t make him wait too long, a reply coming in about 15 minutes later. 

[ Kaidan: Have dinner plans with Ash, but I’m free after 9 ]

[ Shepard: Great, meet you at your place? ]

[ Kaidan: Sure thing ]

[ Kaidan: See you later ]

[ Shepard: See you ]

Shepard releases a huge sigh. The overly formal tone of the replies does have him slightly on edge, but he takes the lack of questions to be a good thing; it means Kaidan’s willing to listen. 

Reassured for now, he’s in a better state of mind to work and with several appointments, the rest of the day passes quickly enough. Though each passing hour comes with a new wave of nervousness, Shepard manages to keep it together fairly well, save for dinner time when he can barely stomach his burger. 

His last appointment ends at 7:45, giving him plenty of time to head home and shower before going over to Kaidan’s. Now alone, the anxiety returns and he goes through the motions as if on autopilot. It’s only when he’s stopped in front of Kaidan’s house that he’s finally hyper aware of what’s about to happen. 

A dozen possible bad outcomes run through his head, but he shoves them aside. He doesn’t need them interfering right now. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he then steps out of his car and walks up to the door. He presses the doorbell, hearing the barest sounds of footsteps from behind it. 

Shepard has done skydiving, bungee jumping, whitewater kayaking, several paintball tournaments, and even tried free solo climbing a few times. Yet, none of them have made him as nervous as he is right now, in these few uncomfortably long seconds as he waits for the door to open.

But it finally does open, and there Kaidan is. This is the closest they’ve been in a while, and seeing his face right in front of him is a breath of fresh air. 

“Hi,” greets Kaidan, brown eyes and a smile without any sign of ill will.

Shepard is almost overwhelmed by the relief, but he holds it together. “Hi.”

“Come in.” Kaidan says, but Shepard can’t help but tense at the tightness evident in the other man’s voice. He settles onto the couch, but Kaidan continues standing. “Let me get you something to drink-”

He moves to leave, but Shepard grabs his wrist. “I’m good. Sit down… please.”

Kaidan looks at him, clearly hesitant, but eventually takes a seat next to him. Silence follows, both of them hesitant to broach the topic. The quiet sits heavily and painfully on Shepard’s chest, so he decides to take the plunge.

“I’m-” “It’s-” They stop, staring at each other. Then, they chuckle sheepishly and the tension falls away. 

“You first,” Kaidan says, and it’s only then that Shepard notices a few things about him: his fidgety hands, his right leg that’s shaking ever so slightly, his honest eyes unable to conceal profound sadness. It’s an unfamiliar and upsetting sight, and Shepard realises that not only is he the cause of it, but Kaidan, like him, is preparing himself for the worst. 

In that instance, Shepard knows that he can’t stall any longer. He has to explain himself, if for nothing else than to get rid of that look on Kaidan’s face.

“I’m sorry for running out on you like that. I don’t like avoiding my problems. My whole life has been full of challenges, and for a large part of it there was nothing I could do but face them head on. But then you came along and… and things changed.” Shepard takes his time, choosing each word carefully. He doesn’t want to fuck this up. He can’t. “I was scared. Still am, because all of this is so new to me and it’s all going so fast. I mean, I’ve known you for less than a year, and I just feel… so much .”

He balls his hand into a fist, hating how his vocabulary is failing him at the worst possible time. But then, a warm hand slides over his, and that alone is enough to help him get back on track.

“For so many years, anything good I had in my life either had to be shared or would eventually be taken away from me, so for a long time I told myself not to get too attached to save myself from the disappointment. But now that I finally have something, someone in my life that makes me happier beyond belief and that I can actually call mine… What I feel for you is more than anything I have ever felt for anybody else. And I think part of me is afraid that if I put it into words, that if I admit it… you’ll disappear. Not that I doubt your feelings -” Shepard opens his hand, treading his fingers through Kaidan’s “- I don’t think I ever will. But I need you to know that I do care about you. A lot. So even if I can’t say it right now, just know that whatever you feel, I feel it in return.”

With all that out of the way, it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off Shepard’s heart. Now, he only hopes that it’s enough, that it isn’t too little too late.

“You know, that night after you left, I wanted to chase after you. Then the next day, I wanted to call, to text, to go over to your studio to ask you what’s wrong. But I decided against it. Thought it would be better to give you some space. And I’m so glad that I did.” Kaidan squeezes Shepard’s hand, and another wave of relief floods Shepard’s being as Kaidan smiles at him. “I wanted to say I’m sorry too.”

“What for?”

“For making you feel as though I was rushing you. But you are unlike anybody I’ve ever been with before, and I had to make sure that you knew it too,” Kaidan says as he shifts a little closer, their knees now pressed against each other’s. “You don’t have to say it back until you’re ready. As long as you know how I feel, you can take however long you like.”

A younger Shepard would have baulked at the idea of being a part of something as incredibly sappy as this. But now, Shepard leans forward to kiss Kaidan because there’s nothing more that he could ever want at this moment. 

Kaidan immediately reciprocates in kind, using their connected hands to pull Shepard in, his other hand coming up to grip Shepard’s thigh. Even through sweatpants, Kaidan’s palm heats up every inch of skin that he presses.

Shepard is desperate for more, but he has to quash his lust for just a moment. He has a plan, and he’s not done just yet. Softly, he pushes Kaidan back.

“One more thing,” he says, laughing slightly at the look of confusion on Kaidan’s face. “I got a new tattoo.”

Quickly, Shepard gets rid of his shirt. Kaidan’s gaze falls onto the new ink on his previously uninked left pec.

“Van Gogh’s Sunflowers,” Kaidan says, Shepard nodding in response. He knew the other man would recognise it, and by the look on his face he appreciates it too. “Did Kasumi do this?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“She came into the shop to ask for some to use as references,” Kaidan says. “It’s beautiful, but why…”

“Don’t you know which country has them as its national flower?” 

Kaidan shakes his head, embarrassed. “That’s an area I should probably read up on.”

Shepard doesn’t mind. In fact, he prefers it; it’ll make the reveal that much better. 

His heart is pounding as he gives Kaidan the answer. “It’s Ukraine.”

It takes Kaidan a second to make the connection, but when he finally does, his lips crash against Shepard’s so hard that the latter falls backwards. Kaidan’s whole weight is on him, but Shepard doesn’t mind. How can he, when Kaidan’s kissing him with so much fervour that Shepard is just trying to return it as best he can? Really, he’s too elated that his message has gotten across to care. When they break apart for air, he asks, “You like it?”

“Like it? I love it, Shepard,” Kaidan says, his eyes almost teary as he does so. 

Shepard’s heart flutters at this sight in front of him. What did he do to deserve this man? “Now, before you cry, I have one last thing.”

“Another?”

“Don’t worry, it’s not another tattoo. I just wanted-” Shepard pauses for a brief moment. This is something he’s actually been planning to bring up for a while now, but now that it’s come down to it, he can’t help but feel a little hesitant. “Use my first name, Kaidan.”

Brown eyes widen in surprise. Shepard just nods, and Kaidan smiles, warm and bright, as he says, “John.”

Though it’s a single syllable, hearing it in Kaidan’s voice has Shepard’s heart racing even faster, especially since he hasn’t gone by his first name for practically his whole life . It’s a little weird after so long, but what’s more important is it feels right. With a huge smile of his own, he’s so overwhelmed that he simply responds with a “Yeah?”

Kaidan’s smile grows even wider, the corners of his eyes crinkling with mirth. “I love you so fucking much.”

Hearing those words again no longer sends Shepard into a panic. Now, the words send a wave of joy through his entire being, warming up his very soul. And though he’s already pretty happy with how the night has turned out so far, the feeling of Kaidan’s body against his, the touch that he’s been missing for weeks has him wanting, needing more. 

So, with a voice that betrays his growing desire, he says, “Show me.” 

“What?”

“Show me how much you love me.” It’s a rather selfish request, but right now, Shepard’s need for Kaidan is ferocious, and it demands to be fed. 

And as he expects, Kaidan is more than happy to provide. “Very well. You don’t have any appointments tomorrow morning, do you?” he asks. When Shepard shakes his head, Kaidan’s smile turns into a wicked grin. “Good. Because I’m going to spend all night showing you.”

There’s almost a growl to his voice when he says this, and the intensity in his eyes sends a shiver through Shepard. And even then, this is quickly overshadowed when Kaidan starts kissing down the column of Shepard’s neck, each press of his lips against skin slow and deliberate.

He slowly moves downward, stopping momentarily at the new tattoo. Shepard can see in his eyes how much he wants to kiss the new ink, but after preparing for his own, he knows better than to disturb it just yet. So instead, he carefully presses soft kisses around it before returning back to Shepard’s sternum, then nosing along his abs and navel.

The entire time, Shepard is breathing hard as he watches. Each touch of Kaidan’s lips and warm breath on his skin set his nerves alight at the points of contact, and he can’t help but squirm a little. Yet, he can’t actually move much as Kaidan is holding him down by the hips, a clear sign that Kaidan really is going to take his time, and the sheer anticipation this causes has Shepard feeling light-headed.

This is certainly not helped by the fact that Kaidan is now leaving teasing kisses along the waistband of Shepard’s sweatpants, especially along the v-lines of his hips. They’re sensitive spots, and Kaidan’s touch is almost ticklish. But once again, Shepard can’t really move, held down as he is, completely at Kaidan’s mercy.

With nowhere else to release the tension building inside him, Shepard can’t hold back the needy whine that escapes him. Kaidan looks up from his ministrations then, a deservedly smug smirk on his lips that Shepard wants nothing more than to kiss it off his face. 

But that will have to wait, as Kaidan’s hands that are on him start pulling the sweatpants and his briefs down, but almost agonisingly slow. With each inch of skin exposed, Kaidan places another open-mouth kiss, not stopping until he’s gotten both articles of clothing along with Shepard’s shoes off of him. 

The only form of relief that Shepard has during this is when his briefs are pulled down far enough for his already hard cock to spring free. But even this relief is temporary, as once Kaidan has tossed the clothes aside, one of his hands returns to hold Shepard’s hip while the other wraps around his cock, giving it a few languid pumps, coating his fingers in the precum that leaks out.

Shepard’s been so stressed out about their situation that he didn’t even have any urges to touch himself. So to suddenly have Kaidan touch him like this, he gasps as a full body shudder takes over him. 

Then, as if that isn’t enough, it’s through thick eyelashes that Kaidan looks up as he gives some tentative licks before eventually taking Shepard’s cock into his mouth in one go. The heat of his mouth, combined with the erotic image of Kaidan’s head between his legs, has Shepard gripping hard at the couch cushions below him in pleasure.

Sensing this, Kaidan tightens his grip on Shepard’s hip, while his now free hand moves down, to trail at the cleft of Shepard’s ass. He teases Shepard’s hole with his fingers, gently pressing one, then two in, all the way to the last knuckle before slowly opening him up

The sensations from both sides are incredible, like nothing Shepard’s ever felt before. Unsurprisingly, almost too soon, he can already feel the coil tightening and tightening. “I’m close,” he gasps out as a warning, thinking that Kaidan’s going to pull off and move on to the main event.

Only he doesn’t. No, instead, the hand that’s on the hip now goes to reach for Shepard’s hand. He pulls, and when Shepard lets him, Kaidan moves the hand and brings it to the back of his head.

In his current state of mind, it takes Shepard a moment to understand what Kaidan is trying to do. Once he gets it, Shepard cards his fingers through thick dark hair. No longer held down, Shepard’s hips also involuntarily thrust upwards slightly, but Kaidan doesn’t mind. In fact, he hums, the vibrations sending tingles from Shepard’s cock to the rest of his entire body. His fingers move faster too, pumping into Shepard at a steady but fast pace.

It’s so damn good, and the coil is wound up tight. He just needs that final push…

… then Kaidan’s fingers press right up against the perfect spot, and the coil snaps.

He comes with a groan, fingers pulling on Kaidan’s scalp as the wave of euphoria crashes over him. It takes him a while to come back to himself, and only then does he realise that not only has Kaidan’s pulled away, but there’s barely any mess. 

Shepard’s cheeks flush hot as he understands, noticing the proud look on Kaidan’s face. The man licks his lips, and even though Shepard just came, his cock is already giving a twitch. “Holy shit, Kaidan.”

“I hope you’re not too worn out yet, because we’ve only just started.” A hungry look crosses his eyes. “Turn over.”

“But I want to see you,” Shepard says, unable to feel a lick of shame at how needy he sounds.

“I know, but give me a few minutes. You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”

That certainly piques his interest. He turns, now lying on his front. He tries to crane his head back to see what’s happening, but it’s too uncomfortable of an angle. However, this inconvenience is quickly dealt with when Kaidan’s hands start massaging the globes of Shepard’s ass, the latter shivering at being revealed in this way. Yet, he’s also desperate for more.

As if on cue, from the corner of his eye, he notices Kaidan reach for one of the throw pillows. He places it under Shepard’s hips as he lifts them up slightly. Wondering what he has planned, Shepard is about to call out when he hears a bit of shuffling behind him, feeling the couch cushion dip, then quickly followed by a warm breath of air against his hole.

“Kai-” Shepard says as the realisation hits him, but his brain basically short-circuits as he feels the man’s tongue slowly lick against and eventually press into his hole. 

“ Fuck! ” Shepard gasps into the fabric of the couch. It’s been years since someone’s done this for him, and it’s even better than he remembers, especially since it’s Kaidan who’s doing it. The familiar but electrifying feeling has him unconsciously rutting against the cushions below in search of friction, his cock already starting to grow hard once more. But it’s clear that Kaidan plans to take his time, because his fingers are digging into the meat of Shepard’s ass and hips, holding him tight as he presses deeper inside. 

Kaidan’s exploring tongue and hands holding hard enough to leave bruises are making Shepard a quivering mess. He’s gasping and moaning, the couch barely muffling his sounds. A sudden second of clarity hits him, grateful that they’re here in Kaidan’s place; though he’s pretty sure his apartment walls aren’t that thin, he already wonders if his neighbours can hear them whenever they have sex, and his reactions to Kaidan’s current actions would surely make it a real possibility.

For the next few greatly enjoyable minutes, Kaidan barely lets up, ravenous, eating Shepard out like a man starved despite having already tasted a different part of him several minutes prior. The fire reignites itself in Shepard once more, Kaidan’s desire for him fuelling his own burning hunger. How is it possible to want someone this badly?

He’s fully hard again by the time Kaidan pulls away, but the man’s not done yet. This time, he makes his way slowly back up, pressing kisses along Shepard’s spine. When he finally gets to the nape of Shepard’s neck, the kisses turn into light nibbles, teasing the skin just hard enough to surely leave behind marks. As he does so, he grinds his still clothed erection against Shepard’s ass. With that rough and husky voice of his, he whispers right into Shepard’s ear, “Do you see what you do to me, John? I haven’t even touched myself and I’m already this hard. All because of you.” 

It’s too many overwhelming sensations at once, and Shepard’s patience has reached its limit. Flipping back around, he grabs the back of Kaidan’s head and pulls him down, their mouths meeting in a sloppy kiss. It’s a lot rougher than Shepard would have liked, but all he cares about is kissing Kaidan again, knowing that nothing he can say can fully describe just how much he craves his boyfriend right now.

He wouldn’t have been able to anyway, his brain so honed in on chasing the thrill that he can’t even form a full sentence. When they break apart for air, all that leaves his lips is the only thing on his mind. “ Kaidan. ”

“Let me hear you, John. Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything you ask of me,” Kaidan says, and what strikes Shepard is how even though those brown eyes are fully-blown with lust, there is still a tenderness underneath. “I’m all yours. I’ve been yours from the very beginning.”

But now that I finally have something, someone in my life that makes me happier beyond belief and that I can actually call mine .

At that moment, it all becomes so obvious. Like Kaidan said, he’s liked Shepard from the very first time they met. He’s had Kaidan’s affections all along, and with everything the man has said and done, it’s proof that those feelings are not going to go away any time soon, if at all.

As Garrus told him, what matters is to enjoy the now, and right now, he knows with certainty that Kaidan is his.

And, in very much the same way, despite his early obliviousness and subsequent denials, Kaidan’s had his heart from the start too. No one has captured his attention the way Kaidan has, and likely no one else will ever compare. Not that Shepard wants anyone else, because Kaidan has been more than he has ever dreamt of having - and he’s real and he loves him.

So, there is only one thing that Shepard wants. “I want you.” 

A smile, a wild mix of pride and desire and affection, is directed back at him. “You have me. You always will.”

Kaidan sits back up to his full height, and only then does Shepard realise that the man is still fully clothed. Shepard, on the other hand, is utterly exposed - naked and completely vulnerable, stripped bare of his final defences. But he’s no longer afraid. Now, he relishes the way Kaidan’s gaze rakes over him, soaks up the attention and the hunger practically radiating off of Kaidan.

Never looking away once, Kaidan takes off his clothes as quickly as he can. Lying there, Shepard enjoys the view, watching appreciatively as more and more of that gorgeous body is revealed. He refrains from touching just yet, because he knows that Kaidan will be all over him very soon.

The last thing Kaidan removes is his shirt, and Shepard’s eyes are immediately drawn to the astronaut tattoo. It’s only the second time he’s seen it, and the difference in how he feels about it is astounding. What once generated panic and anxiety is now a symbol of Kaidan’s devotion to him, exactly what he intended it to be. And it is this that Shepard touches first, hand pressing gently against Kaidan’s chest as he traces it, feeling the man’s heart beat strongly against his fingertips.

As Shepard does this, Kaidan watches intensely, eyes tracking Shepard’s every move. Then, when Shepard moves his hand up to Kaidan’s face, coming to rest around his chin with the thumb nestled nicely into that small cleft, dark brown eyes shoot up to look straight into bright blues. And before Shepard can get distracted, he pulls Kaidan back down again, their lips meeting for a much gentler, sensual kiss, one that sends warm tingles down all the nerves in his body. 

That’s all they do for a few good minutes, just kissing. And Shepard could have spent the next hour just kissing Kaidan, but then he feels the man’s hands come up to the underside of his thighs, pushing them up and apart. Shepard breaks the kiss with a gasp and a shudder when he feels the head of Kaidan’s cock against his hole. 

But Kaidan doesn’t move. Shepard finds him looking at him, and though his eyes are dark with want, those whiskey browns are searching for something, waiting, making sure.

Oh, Shepard realises, understanding what Kaidan’s looking for. And the adoration he has in his heart for him surges once more. 

Shepard nods, and with that simple confirmation, Kaidan presses forward, slowly, not stopping until every inch is inside Shepard.

And Shepard feels every perfect inch, the stretch so good that his head is going numb from the pleasure. Somehow, despite the many times they’ve had sex before, tonight is different. Better almost, and they’ve only just started. 

A low moan reaches Shepard’s ears, coming from Kaidan as he takes a second to enjoy Shepard’s heat around him. Then, once he’s calmed himself down a bit, he starts pulling out until only the tip is in, before pushing back in again. He does this with the pace he’s been doing everything else tonight, the slow and deep thrusts leaving Shepard vividly feeling the entire length of Kaidan’s cock with every move of his hips.

Because he’s only just recovered from his first orgasm of the night, Shepard appreciates the slower speed. There’s no urgency, no rush; now that they’ve cleared the air and made their feelings known to one another, they're taking the time to enjoy each other’s bodies, relishing the way their bodies are connected in this carnal display of desire and love. 

But after a while, the burning hunger grows insistent, and Shepard needs more. So, he wraps his legs around Kaidan’s waist, ankles hooking around each other and pressing into the man’s lower back. No words are needed; Kaidan knows what he wants, acknowledging it through a knowing smirk before he shifts a little and gradually speeds up, fucking Shepard at just the right speed.

The slight change in angle also means that now, Kaidan is thrusting right against his prostate, and each snap of Kaidan’s hips against him sends a spark of ecstasy, feeding the fire that rages inside of him. But he doesn’t want it to end so soon. It can’t, not when it feels so damn good. He has to hold on, at least for a few more minutes.

So hold on he does, a desire that manifests physically as Shepard’s hands fly up to Kaidan’s back, fingers digging in, pulling him down until their pressed chest-to-chest. It’s another change in angle that allows Kaidan to go deeper, while also causing Shepard’s leaking cock to rub between both their bodies.

Shepard throws his head back, eyes closed as he cries out in pleasure at the amazing stimulation, and Kaidan uses the opportunity to return his lips to Shepard’s neck, attacking with even more kisses and bites, leaving behind even more of what will surely become hickeys by tomorrow morning.

They were not something Shepard’s ever really cared for. In fact, before Kaidan, Shepard was largely averse to them, a preference borne out of his younger, more sexually care-free days - when one’s sex life consisted mainly of quick hookups, the last thing you wanted was a mark that had others thinking somebody else already “claimed” you. 

But now, Shepard can’t wait to see those little bruises blossom on his skin. He’s Kaidan’s, there’s no doubting that, and if Kaidan wants to have physical proof of that, Shepard’s more than happy to let him. Though it goes unsaid, Shepard can see, can feel that there’s a possessiveness to Kaidan’s actions, and Shepard’s willing to feed into it because it drives him crazy in the best way possible, the thought of being someone’s a reality that he didn’t even think was ever possible, what with the life he’s had. 

Yours, Shepard thinks, but it comes out as a moan because Kaidan is currently teasing the skin around his Adam's apple. When the moan reaches Kaidan’s ears, the man noses along the bottom of Shepard’s jaw, voice rumbling with rough tones as he says, “Love hearing you. Can’t get enough of the sounds you make, the way you react to my touch, how it feels inside you. Can never get enough of you.”

How Kaidan is able to say such things, Shepard doesn’t know. What he does know is that the words, combined with the way Kaidan is thrusting into him, are sending his brain into overload. It’s all too much and too good, and all Shepard can do is hold on tighter, nails clawing into Kaidan’s back hard enough to surely leave scratches, leaving behind a sign of his own that Kaidan is very much his as well.

Mine.

Shepard’s not sure if he actually says that out loud or not, but Kaidan’s next words are a perfect response. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours, for as long as you’ll have me” 

When Shepard opens his eyes, he’s floored by the utter devotion in those deep browns, all of it directed at him. And really, what else can he do but pull Kaidan back into a kiss, if nothing else than to keep the man’s mouth busy so that he doesn’t say anything else that can bring Shepard close to tears out of sheer unbelievable joy. 

It’s no surprise that within a few minutes, Shepard finds himself right back on the edge as the fire burning inside him engulfs his senses, well-fed by the very presence of Kaidan and everything the man has done so far. But, as much as he wants to take that final step over the cusp, he suddenly recalls that Kaidan hasn’t come yet, and now, he wants nothing more than to see the man’s face as he comes.

So, Shepard somehow manages to pull away from the addictive taste of Kaidan’s lips, pressing his own lips against the shell of Kaidan’s ear. Though Shepard knows he’s not as good as Kaidan when it comes to dirty talk in the bedroom, he is still good with his words when he wants to be, especially when he has a goal in mind. He whispers, “Come inside me, Kaidan. Make me yours. ”

Instantly, the grip Kaidan has on him becomes tighter. The man buries his face into the crook of Shepard’s neck, groaning out a muffled and hoarse “ Fuck” against the heated skin. It’s Shepard’s turn now to feel smug at the effect he has on Kaidan, but that feeling is quickly forgotten about when Kaidan speeds up, thrusting hard enough for the loud slapping of skin against skin to be heard each time their bodies come together. 

The drag of Kaidan’s cock against his prostate is so damn good, but Shepard will not give in just yet. Not when he feels Kaidan’s rhythm stutter, a clear sign that he’s close. Despite everything telling him to give into the pleasure, he resists.

And he is rewarded when with one final thrust, Kaidan comes, biting into Shepard’s shoulder as he does so. The pain-pleasure of the bite, along with the cum spilling into him, are the final things that break Shepard’s resolve. He comes quickly after, moaning as his second orgasm of the night hits him like a tank. 

Stars fill his vision as the euphoria overtakes him. In pure bliss, it takes a good while before he returns to himself. Slowly but surely, his lust-addled brain clears, and he’s greeted by the lovely sight of Kaidan holding himself up above him, flushed and sweaty from exertion, still panting hard as he comes down from his high.

Their eyes meet, and suddenly they’re smiling, which then quickly evolves into laughter. Something about the intensity of everything that just happened is strangely absurd and amusing - they just had mind-blowing make up sex on the couch.

Also, sensitive after two orgasms, Shepard is acutely aware that Kaidan is still inside him, which leads him to comment through a chuckle, “We probably should’ve moved to the bedroom first. Or at least put a towel down.” 

Kaidan reaches the same realisation too, though he doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about his furniture. “I could just carry you to the shower, like I did that one time.”

It’s a vivid memory for Shepard, that morning after their first date. He also recalls how it didn’t end there in the kitchen. “And we continue in the bathroom like we did the last time too?”

With a smirk, Kaidan says, “Well, I did say I was going to use the whole night.”

Oh, Shepard remembers, but he doesn’t need Kaidan to do that, not when he’s already done more than enough to show Shepard that he loves him. He’s delivered far more than Shepard could have ever anticipated - and Shepard feels thoroughly loved in every possible way. 

Still, he could go for a couple more rounds. Kaidan’s an orgasm behind him, after all, and the prospect of kneeling on the tiled shower floor as he uses his mouth to get Kaidan off is far too tantalising to stop now.

“Just give me some time to recover,” Shepard says, grinning at the thought of what’s to come. “I’m going to need a few minutes after what you just did.”

“Are you okay? Was I too much?” Kaidan quickly asks, cheeks reddening again, clearly worried that he might have been overly enthusiastic. 

Shepard recalls the long conversation they had the day after their first date, lying in bed as they waited for the storm to pass, the last thing they talked about being Kaidan’s fear over his own strength and over-eagerness. Looking back on it now, Shepard hates how his reaction to the declaration of love likely fed into their fear. It must have led Kaidan to believe that that was what drove him away, which is why he’s still so wary even now. To make sure that Kaidan never feels this way again, Shepard reaches up, a hand cupping Kaidan’s face to reassure him. As cheesy as it sounds, he says, “No. You were perfect.”

“Okay. Good.” Kaidan nuzzles into Shepard’s palm with a soft smile. Then, with a voice rich with reverence, he says, “How did I get so lucky to have found you?”

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing,” Shepard replies, and because he needs to make sure this definitely isn’t a dream, he follows up by asking, “Can you say it again?”

It takes Kaidan a second to understand the request, but once he does, he beams at him, all warm and bright and so damn adoring. “I love you, John Shepard.”

Shepard’s heart is so full it’s almost bursting, and though the words are still unable to leave his own lips, Shepard knows that Kaidan knows. The words will come with time, but for now, Shepard moves his hand to the back of Kaidan’s head, fingers carding through the thick hair, pulling him down until their foreheads touch. Kaidan doesn’t say anything more, just smiles at the touch as his own hands come up to the sides of Shepard’s head.

Shepard closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Kaidan against him. He takes a deep breath, and underneath everything else, there’s the smell of flowers. Nothing distinct, but it reminds him of that eventful day when he first stepped into English Bay Flowers , a move that - unbeknownst to him then – would lead him to where he is now.

After all the hardships he experienced early in his life, he would have never once imagined that this is where he would end up, in the arms of this man, handsome and strong and smart and good ; a man who can as easily take him apart as he can build him back up again, sometimes with just words alone; a man who loves him and who he absolutely, without a doubt, loves in turn.

A small part of him will always be a little terrified about it all, but that’s not going to stop him. After all, nobody ever fell in love without being a little bit brave.

Chapter Text

Fairy lights sparkle in the darkness, gently swaying in the cool evening breeze as they cast a warm glow, the illumination reflected in the lapping waves against the shore of the lake. The chatter of guests fills the air, but it is quickly interrupted when a song starts playing. A hush falls over the area, everyone watching as the newlyweds begin their first dance as a married couple. 

Right from the jump
I was addicted, I was hooked on you like July is to the Sun
You're the one that I prayed for all my life
And then you arrived
It's amazing how the time flies by
Do you remember, my baby?

The couple sway in the middle of the dance floor, bright smiles on their faces as they stare lovingly at each other. The guests watch with smiles of their own, enthralled by the happy couple they’ve all come to celebrate. 

Take me back to the summer breeze
We were sleeping out by the willow trees
It was the first time you laid your head on my chest
Was a night I will never forget
That's when I told you on a Friday night
You're always gonna have this heart of mine
Wherever we go, whatever we do
I just wanna spend forever with you

Shepard’s been grinning since the ceremony. How could he not; he had the great honour of being the marriage officiant for two of his closest friends, after all. He still remembers the tight hug he gave the both of them when they asked him on New Year's Eve. Sure, he always thought that he would be the best man, but this was a much better role than he could have anticipated. Still, he assisted as a best man should, helping with the months-long planning that the couple had gone through wherever he could. 

He spent an entire week writing the perfect speech, and he could barely hold back his excitement during the entire thing. Their vows nearly brought a tear to his eye, and he finally cheered when he announced Garrus and Tali as husband and wife, watching with pure joy as they kissed (though he made sure he stepped out of the way in time to let the photographer get the perfect shot). 

Watching them dance, Shepard can’t help feeling nostalgic, thinking about how the couple started. Garrus always thanked him for being the one who brought them together, and though he’s humble enough not to brag about it, he will admit that he is one hell of a wingman.

I know this sounds cliché
But I was in love with you from the first sight, like a moth drawn to a flame
And I know, even in another life
I would find you and hold you
Remember I told you I'd never let go, baby

Shepard looks over to his right where Kaidan is sitting, looking so damn handsome in his dark blue suit. The man had a hand in the proceedings too, asked by the couple to be their flower vendor for the ceremony and reception. He took on his duties as diligently as Shepard did his, and he did a fantastic job too, with Tali’s bouquet having been a beautiful collection of blue delphiniums, and all other decorations a gorgeous mix of roses and peonies. And how stunning he looks, sitting amongst the blooms he spent so long making sure were perfect. 

Shepard reaches out, placing his hand over Kaidan’s. The man turns to him with a gentle smile, turning his own hand to lace their fingers togethers. What a year it’s been for them. It almost seems crazy that it was only last February that they met for the first time and look where they are now: Shepard’s love for Kaidan has only grown, and he still can’t believe how happy he is, how happy the both of them are.

Take me back to the summer breeze
We were sleeping out by the willow trees
It was the first time you laid your head on my chest
Was a night I will never forget
That's when I told you on a Friday night
You're always gonna have this heart of mine
Wherever we go, whatever we do
I just wanna spend forever with you

The final chorus comes to end, and the couple receive a round of applause along with loud whoops and cheers. Once the noise dies down, Joker, the emcee for the evening, says into the microphone, “Alright everyone, time to keep the love fest going! So, grab your sweetheart or whoever you so choose and head on over to the dancefloor to join the newlyweds!”

Shepard watches as several guests do so, including actual couples like Edi and Joker (another one that Shepard helped bring together, with vivid and awkward memories of both of them going to him for relationship advice), and Samara and Zaeed (a couple that started rather unexpectedly during the New Year’s Party but one that everyone is really hoping to go further, especially since their relationship is still in its very early stages). There are others as well, including James rather cheekily asking Ashley for a dance (there’s mostly been light and playful flirting between the two of them, but it seems unlikely for anything serious to develop as of now) and Jacob with his little girl Hackett (which is just the most adorable sight to see). 

Watching his friends gather, Shepard is unaware of Kaidan moving until the man is standing right in front of him, with a hand outstretched towards him. “Would you like to dance?”

Shepard’s first instinct is to say no. All of his friends have teased him time and time again about how bad he is at dancing, and though that doesn’t usually stop him, the last thing he wants is to disrupt the romantic atmosphere of tonight. And yes, he knows that slow dancing is pretty simple, but he fears that he’s still going to mess that up somehow.

And yet, with those adoring eyes and cheeky smile directed at him, he can’t say no. So, he reaches for Kaidan’s hand and stands up. As they make their way to the dancefloor, Shepard whispers to him, “I hope you’re prepared to have your feet stepped on.”

“Just follow my lead. You’ll be fine,” Kaidan says warmly, his other hand coming up to rest gently on Shepard’s waist. Right on time, the next song starts, and everyone starts swaying to the music. 

Why would I want to fly
Be on the last red eye
Talkin' to your voice, only hearing noise
Oh, it's not enough
All of the nights I spent
Drownin' my discontent
Wasting me away, everything has changed
Now that I found us

And it feels like home

For the first few lines, Shepard can’t stop looking down to make sure he doesn’t somehow confuse his right with his left. But with the song and Kaidan’s presence, Shepard slowly relaxes, enjoying the song and the moment. 

Darling, if you don't mind
I'll take your hand tonight
We could just slow down time
Let me adore you
And from the moment I looked in those dark brown eyes
I can't remember life
Before you

Underneath the glow of the lights, Kaidan looks incredibly charming. Shepard can’t stop staring, can’t stop smiling at this man that has come to mean the world to him. Not that Kaidan minds; he’s been staring and smiling the whole time too. 

It’s horribly romantic, and Shepard has an out-of-body experience. Suddenly, it’s as if he’s watching the scene from above, looking at two men very much in love, dancing in each other’s arms at their friends’ wedding. And one of those men is him! 

The Shepard from twenty years ago would never have imagined this; that lonely boy who so desperately wanted to find his place in the world eventually found himself surrounded by a group of friends that would turn out to be the family he always dreamed of having. And the him from ten years ago never ever thought about finding “the one” - not because he didn’t want it, but because he didn’t think he could ever get it, not for someone like him. Yet here he is, with a man who loves him more than anything. 

And truth be told, the thought of it still terrifies him a little. Even after a year, he’s still not completely used to it, and thinking about it too much can be overwhelming sometimes. 

But not today. Not tonight, when he’s here celebrating love and the union between two of his closest friends. Now, everything feels right, and he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. 

Why would I want to go?
Now that you're all I know
Smilin' under stars
Playin' chasin' cars
Somethin' 'bout the art of music in the dark

The lights, the song, the mood, the company, the dancing; all of the romance must be going to Shepard’s head, because he never wants it to end, and it’s not even his wedding. There’s an overabundance of love and joy within him, directed towards everyone and especially towards Kaidan, and he’s not too sure where to put it. 

Then, through the haze of his deep introspection, strikes a sudden clarity.

Oh. Oh.

And it feels like homе

“Kaidan?” Shepard says as he moves a little closer. The repeat of the chorus is drowned out by the sound of his heart hammering away in his chest. 

“Yeah?” 

“Marry me.”

Kaidan’s eyes go wide. The Shepard from last year would likely panic at this point, wondering if he’s being too forward, considering how they haven’t really broached the topic much less discussed it seriously. He also hopes that Kaidan doesn’t think that it’s an impulsive decision, brought on by being too swept up in the atmosphere of the occasion. 

But deep down, he’s sure that this is what he wants, what their relationship has always been inevitably heading towards. It’s something he’s probably wanted for a while now, but never knew till now.

And how right he is, because Kaidan’s gaze softens as a smile, bigger and brighter than the one he’s had the entire day, lights up his face and his entire being. 

“Okay” is all he says in response, but the single word is so full of emotion that it’s more than enough. And to further seal the promise, he leans forward, Shepard easily meeting him in the middle for a soft kiss.

I bet I was lost and alone
I was barely holding on
To the thought of a moment like this
I bet I was lost and alone
I was barely holding on
To the thought of a moment like this
I must have been lost and alone
I was barely holding on
To the thought that someone like you exists

In the midst of all this, the music is playing loud enough and everyone's so focused on dancing that no one pays attention to the two of them. So, when they pull apart, it’s as if they were just enjoying the moment, nothing more. Shepard is grateful, because he definitely does not want to steal the thunder from his friends.

“Of course, I don’t mean right this second,” Shepard says, taking the chance to ramble slightly, trying his best to suppress his excitement over the mere thought of getting married. “I mean, that wasn’t even a proper proposal. Not that we need one, but I still think there should be a ring at least.”

As he says this, he notices the look on Kaidan’s face. The man is smiling, but there’s a particular glint in his eye that clues Shepard into the fact that he’s not only had this particular train of thought before, but that he already has a solution.

“... You already have a ring prepared, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Kaidan says, his smile morphing into one that is both amused and sheepish. 

“Since when?”

“My parents actually gave me the Alenko family ring the last time we visited. They said that they could tell that it was only a matter of time. But it wasn’t until about a couple of weeks after you moved into my place that I actually thought of proposing.”

They had started living together shortly after Kaidan’s 36th birthday, and that was several months ago now. He’s been waiting all this time? “So why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to rush you. I wanted to wait for a sign that you were ready. Plus, I had a feeling that it would be you proposing to me.” Kaidan grins, all adorable and affectionate. “I just didn’t think it would be during Garrus and Tali’s wedding.”

Once again, it absolutely floors Shepard just how much things have changed in just under a year. It wasn’t too long ago that he was worried about revealing his feelings to Kaidan, and now they’re going to get married. How could the eighteen-year-old orphan gangster that was at his lowest point have ever imagined that this was how his life was going to turn out?

Even though he feels happier than ever, a familiar darkness tickles the back of his mind. The unease that comes with paranoia, that all of this is too good to be true. Maybe it’s all just some fever dream, that he’ll wake up someday and find himself back on those filthy streets, alone and fending for his life. Or maybe his happiness is only temporary. Something will come and tear all of it down, his greatest fear that he’s not meant to hold on to good things finally coming true.

But then the outro to the song starts, and the last lines disrupt the dark thoughts.

Darling, if you don't mind
I'll take your hand tonight
We could just slow down time

Dark brown eyes, a tender smile, gentle hands. His mind focuses on these and only these. 

A part of him will always be scared of losing Kaidan, that is unavoidable. But for now, the warmth of the man next to him - his boyfriend, now fiancé, and soon to be husband (the word alone is like an injection of pure unfiltered joy into his very soul) - drives the fear away, because Kaidan is here and he is his, and that’s all that matters.

“I love you,” Shepard says as the last notes play. It took a little longer than he would have liked, but now the words come as easy as breathing. 

“I love you too,” Kaidan says back, with an expression that speaks of nothing but devotion and adoration. 

The song comes to an end. The couples break apart, with everyone clapping at the beautiful moment. 

It feels silly, but Shepard misses the feeling of Kaidan’s hands on him, even though the man is right there next to him. He wishes they could have another slow dance, a thought that has him feeling incredulous over himself considering his view of his own dancing. Unfortunately, it seems that it’s finally time for the party to pick up, the heavy beat of the next, much livelier song beginning to blare through the speakers. 

The remaining guests spill onto the dancefloor, ready to groove the night away. Shepard can already see all his friends around him, busting out their best moves (or what they think are their best moves - some are just as “skilled” as he is in this department).

Shepard turns back to Kaidan, who has already started this weird shuffle side-step thing. Shepard laughs and joins in with the only dance move he knows - he doesn’t trust his feet so it mainly involves him moving his arms - with the teasing comments from his friends soon reaching him.

He takes them all in stride. In fact, he welcomes them, because they’re coming from places of love, from people he considers his family. And it’s this family that he wants to be there when he and Kaidan get married. 

No matter that they probably won’t get another slow dance tonight. It’ll soon be their turn to have their own first dance as newlyweds anyway.