Chapter Text
Izuku found himself lost in thought—he was much of the time since the war had ended. He’d thought and thought so much that his thoughts had stopped having any actual words, just those lingering feelings that seemed to creep through him. Just the face of Tenko, of Spinner, of what he’d had to do. It was never ending and ever pervasive. So he turned his thoughts to those around him, his friends who had been by his side, who had fought with all their might, who had felt the same fear that he had. They all felt it, that heaviness, and yet they did their best to continue on.
Despite that desperate, hollow pain inside him, he continued on with them.
His thoughts settled again on Ochako, her smile flashing across his mind. It was so bright, so happy as she flitted back and forth through their tasks—but conversations with her were always short and fleeting. It was a lie, that smile. He knew it was. Everyone probably did. At least, he did. He could always see her fake one from her real one. Asui did too, her concern apparent on her face. They’d exchanged glances as Ochako had flitted off again for an onigiri.
What do we do? Asui seemed to say. But he wasn't sure. And he was sure he’d looked just as helpless as she had.
It’s just like the sports festival. Just like so many other times. That smile… But it was different now, heavier and filled with grief in a way he’d never seen. Yet her smile was that much cheerier.
Uraraka…
So he sat on the couch, pondering her latest words to him. She’d had a backpack on her shoulders and that bright smile on her face—stretched so wide he could almost see her cracks starting to appear.
“Wow, we get to go home now, huh? That’s great! I think I’ll uh- go and spend time with my folks! It’s been awhile since I could! It’ll be nice to be home.”
Her words had been a flurry, spoken to the room in a rush, and then she was gone out the door. Izuku frowned again. She hadn’t even given anyone a chance to say something to her before she left.
His hands gripped together, worry filling him again. Did she really go home? The thought had stuck in his mind all this time. If she had, she could rely on her parents to give her that emotional support she so obviously, desperately needed. But had she? Would she lean on them?
No. No she won’t. Izuku frowned deeper. I know you won’t.
The selfless Ochako Uraraka would never let someone else carry her weight.
He thought of her face again, smiling away as she reassured him. Again and again and again and again! He bit his lip, feeling a fierce need to go to her and wrench her burdens from her small hands—whether she liked it or not.
But what do I do? What do I say?
It was then that Asui walked into the common area, tears brimming her eyes as she fretted.
“Ochako has been ignoring my texts…” she said, her voice wobbling. “She never does that.”
A beat of silence fell on the room. Then before he had a chance to even form a thought, Izuku was on his feet and striding towards the door.
“Midoriya?” Todoroki asked, but he didn’t stop.
Asui caught up to him as he sat to put on his shoes. “Where’re you going?”
“I’m gonna find her,” he said, his voice lower and more intense than he’d meant it to be.
His boldness would’ve surprised him before everything had happened, but not now. Asui's eyes were wide, brimming with tears. “I don’t know where to find her. I called her mom and she said she hadn’t seen her yet.”
Maybe it was intuition, maybe it was inspiration, but his mind flashed back to that conversation they’d had on the cliff—how it was probably the first time she’d ever let him see her inner thoughts before. The way she looked out to the broken city, so somber and sad.
“I know where she is,” Izuku said, startling Asui and the rest as they caught up to him. He stood, tapping his shoes on.
“What?! Where?”
“Troy,” he said as he opened the door and stepped into the night air.
“But how?” Asui said, tears now on her cheeks. “She didn’t say anything- I’ve been trying to help, but she just won’t-“ she stopped, rubbing her face.
“She might want the time alone,” Todoroki said softly.
“Maybe.” Izuku looked up at him, his face firm. He thought of the sound of her cries through that door, that feeling of helplessness he’d felt. He thought of her smiling ear to ear with those cracks of grief in her eyes. “But it’s not what she needs.”
They all stared at him, but he turned anyway, looking in the direction of Troy. He heard his class talking to him, but he wasn't going to stop now that there was a fire in him to move. To go to her. He crouched, feeling that familiar surge as One for All filled his very blood. Then he shot high into the sky, leaping towards the abandoned makeshift fortress.
The night air was cool, the city lights gleaming below him. It was quiet, and he felt a pang at the reminder that One for All truly was gone. Over the last few months, in these kinds of quiet solitude, he'd had their voices to help him consider and think through things. They were gone now, those vestiges of past lives. He hoped they had found peace and their souls could rest now.
But it was lonely without them. And now as he flew, thinking of what to do for his dear friend, he would've welcomed their voices.
He grit his teeth and continued on, images of Ochako standing on the cliff, her hair whipping about her face. That place where they'd shared their strange feelings and desires to save the seemingly irredeemable. Even as he second-guessed himself, wondering if she was on her way home now, he still bounded towards that spot.
It didn't take long, and soon his suspicions were confirmed. There at the very place they had spoken was the figure of a girl. As he got closer, he could see she was bowed over, and her sobs carried in the wind. He felt his heart break for her, and he pushed a little harder than necessary, feeling that need to reach her grow ever stronger.
He hit the ground like a meteor, the dirt splintering and bursting from his impact. He hardly felt it. He was already running to her.
"Uraraka!"
She whipped toward the sound, panic in her voice as her arms immediately went to work rubbing away her tears. "Deku! Why are you here? How’d you…?"
The way she covered her face seemed to showcase those walls she’d put up, shutting him out. He could feel how much she did not want him there, and it gave him pause for only a moment. He stopped, catching the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"I just knew somehow! So I used One for All to come up here," he said in a huff. "Because this is the place where we had our heart-to-heart."
Ochako continued to rub away the evidence of her tears. "That's not what I meant… I- I said I was going home, didn't I?"
Which was a lie, he frowned. "You did. And it would've been fine if that was really the case. But I had a feeling that you'd be here."
Her eyes poked over her arms now, looking at him with all the desperate need to hide within them. He hated to see it, but he didn't dare look away. He held her gaze fiercely. With everything that had happened, everything that she was carrying, he couldn't afford to be polite and conscientious now. And he didn't want to be.
You can't bear it alone forever. I won’t let you.
"Why…" She said, her voice quieter than before. "I didn't want you to see me…"
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "But I want you to show me… what you’re going through."
She was still now, her eyes brimming with apprehension—fear even. Was she so afraid to be seen? To be known? His guilt at forcing her was outweighed by his need to help her. Afterall, that’s what she’s been doing for him—every single step of the way.
“Because, Uraraka, you've always been that way,” he said solemnly. “Even back during the entrance exam. And with the points we needed to pass…”
He brought up every memory he had of her. Her smile, her joy, her desire to always put him and others first, always pushing aside her own needs and feelings. Putting them all together was overwhelming, and he felt tears in his own eyes beginning to brim.
“You’ve always been like that! All along, without fail….” His voice grew stronger as he spoke, the images of her again and again saving him from either physical or emotional pain. She had given him back that cruel name and turned it into something good. She had saved him when Blackwhip had manifested, harming herself in the process. Hiding her tears, bringing a smile to sadness.
“You’ve always prioritized others over yourself!”
As Izuku’s voice rose to a shout, tears formed once more in her silent eyes.
“At the sports festival… Every time. Always!”
Lean on me. Let me carry it.
“You've been saving me every step of the way!” He cried, feeling his own tears form as Ochako’s fell down her face. How blessed he had been just to meet such a beautiful person.
“You're my hero!”
Let me carry you for once!
“Which is why…” Izuku’s voice softened. He stepped towards her, closing the distance between them, never taking his eyes off hers. “I can’t keep taking that strength of yours for granted.”
Ochako was still making a diligent effort to keep her face covered and closed off from him, her arms being her last wall put up as she cried behind them. Izuku reached out and gently caressed her fist open and took her hand in his. He tugged softly, unwrapping her arm from her face as tenderly as he could. Her touch was so soft, and he was reminded of that night in the rain, the angry mob shouting at him and that fear he’d felt—until her small, gentle hand had taken his, pushing it all away for him.
“It soothes my heart just to hold your hand.”
Let mine do the same.
He took her other hand as well, then pulled their joined hands close to him, revealing her tear-streaked face at last. Izuku felt his heart start to shatter all over again, seeing such desperate despair on this girl made of sunshine.
Ochako gaped at him in almost a glare for a moment, then she breathed in a gasp and began to sob,
“Himiko… she…!” She got out, her words ragged and breathless. “It’s my fault she’s dead!”
Ochako gripped his hands then, bowing her head until she was crying against his chest.
“If only I didn’t get stabbed! If only my heart wasn’t full of pointless thoughts! Cuz her quirk let her share blood with others!” Her words came out in a rush of choked sobs, her hands trembling in his. “But it didn’t have to end up like that!! I bet I could’ve found another way! If only I’d figured her out sooner! Maybe it would’ve gone differently if we'd met as little kids!”
Izuku listened to every word she shared until her words were only sobs, and she’d crumpled against him like a broken flower. He was silent for a while, letting her cry it out, but also taking in what she’d said bit by bit.
He hadn’t known everything that had happened on her battlefield. He’d known she'd ben stabbed... and he’d known Toga had died. Toga had given up her life for Ochako? He felt that same breathless fear within him, knowing already how close she'd been to death in the aftermath of the battle. He hadn't realized—Ochako would’ve died had it not been for Himiko Toga…
He gripped her hands a little tighter, pulling her closer into him, wishing he could change it for her, protect her from her wounds after the fact. If Ochako had died, he would’ve- he couldn't- it hurt too much to even consider.
But it wasn’t the time or place to dwell on hypotheticals that hadn’t happened. She was alive, he didn’t need to worry about her physical wellbeing. This was about her broken heart and broken spirit.
Still… he was sure he would’ve never forgiven himself if she’d been killed after he’d left her behind on that battlefield. His heart threatened to break at the very thought.
Thank you, Himiko Toga, he said silently to himself. Thank you… for saving this wonderful girl.
Ochako’s grief was heavy. He felt it brimming and overflowing from her onto him. He tightened his hold on her hands, holding her steady. I can carry it. I can hold you up. Just let it out. Her face was pressed to his chest, her body trembling with her continued sobs. He wanted to hug her, embrace her with everything he had, but her tiny hands were gripping onto his like a vice, her nails digging into his skin. So he just held her close, trying to convey all the compassion and comfort he could into her hands.
The rest of her words felt very similar to his own regrets—which didn’t surprise him at all. They were the same, alike in motivation and resolve. They’d thought those same strange ideas, and had that same desire to save a broken child within a villain. And they’d both had to watch that person die before them—and they had both been the cause of that demise…
But Tenko had remained Shigaraki. He’d resolved himself to his ideals to the very end—but Izuku had been able to reach that crying child. He’d been able to clear that shroud of hatred, and break All for One’s hold upon him. He’d saved him in all the ways he could’ve been saved. But Ochako’s words rang in his ears— “Maybe it would’ve gone differently if we’d met as littler kids!”
He was sure that was true. But they hadn’t, and there was no changing the past. Tenko became Shigaraki after a life of being turned away and broken down into the hateful, destructive tool he’d become. If only All for One didn’t exist to cause such misery in a person. If only Shimura’s son had been a loving father. There were so many ways to regret it, but…
Izuku waited to speak until her sobs quieted to soft moans. Her hands wilted against his in her exhaustion. He held her firm, never letting her slip from his fingers.
“I get it,” he said at last, his voice quiet. “The same thing’s been weighing on me about Tenko… about Tomura Shigaraki, I mean.”
She was still as he spoke, and her hair smelled sweet as it brushed across his face. He let her closeness ease his own heart for a moment, breathing her in and feeling her touch before continuing.
“I was told that I couldn’t tackle that battle the same way as the others. All for One said it himself—that the path I chose was a thorny one.”
It was then that Ochako finally lifted her head, her face tear-stricken and her eyes red-rimmed—but her gaze was clear and bright, and he felt warmer looking into her eyes. He grasped her hands, holding her close to him as he spoke with all the earnestness he had.
“Even so…” he said softly, a hope in him now that hadn’t felt big enough before. “I know if we keep going above and beyond to reach out, even when nobody’s asking… it’ll make a difference!”
Ochako’s eyes shone with the city lights as they stared at each other for a moment. She was so close, but for once he felt bolstered by it instead of embarrassed. And just like the sun rising after a long, dark night, Ochako’s lips rose in the smallest, but most real smile he’d seen on her in a long while. And she truly was beautiful—dazzling even—in those hazy nighttime lights. The sight of her took his breath away.
She opened her mouth to speak, then suddenly a voice shouted behind them-
“Ah! She really is here!!”
They both nearly jumped out of their skin at the interruption. In her surprise, Ochako activated her quirk and Izuku felt his feet begin to leave the ground. They both watched, stunned, as their entire class bounded over the hill to meet them.
“Uraraka!! We’re here for you too,” they called to her, clamoring over each other to reach her. He was surprised to see them come, and part of him felt a pang of… disappointment that his and Ochako’s incredibly intimate moment was interrupted. But seeing the worry in their faces softened that. They cared for her too, they had worried about her too. He understood.
“Stupid Ochako!” Asui exclaimed, leaping forward towards them. Ochako pulled her hands from his to catch her, then promptly released her quirk and his feet touched the ground again.
“I was waiting for you to open up to me!” Asui cried, her own tears falling now. “You know you can say whatever’s on your mind!”
Ochako laughed weakly and there were tears in her eyes, but her smile was real. And as much as he missed holding her hands already, he was glad to see her let herself be genuine with the rest of their friends too—hopefully a first step to being more open and willing to be helped.
He smiled at her once more, then lingered on that feeling deep inside him of the small flame One for All had left him. It burned warm within him for now. He looked at his hand, grateful yet again for the gift All Might had given him.
I was able to reach her thanks to you, he thought as tears filled his eyes once more.
Katsuki stepped up beside him, looking down at Izuku’s hand. “That was a big burst you used to get here. How's the ember doing?”
Izuku wiped away his tears. “It’s fine.”
“Huh?! The ember…?” Mineta cried, and much of the attention turned on him.
Izuku laughed, he couldn’t help it. Nor could he help the tears that he cried again as he explained what was happening and would happen to his quirk. It broke his heart to see it go, and giving it up would be another action of his that he would regret for the rest of his life—but he wouldn’t take it back. He’d completed One for All, just as he’d set out to do. It was meant to be used to save, and that’s exactly what he did. The very first time he’d used it to save a girl who’d been so kind to him—and now he was happy to use some of the last flames to save her again.
The class had arrived on a bus, courtesy of Aizawa. Exhausted from the tears and the stress, everyone seemed to have a relaxed and tired slump to their postures. He was no exception—and neither was Ochako. He tried to stay close to her, his hand itching to take hers again, but Asui had been worried about her too, and she clung to the other girl tightly. Izuku contented himself with closeby at the very least.
As they entered the bus, Ochako turned her tired eyes behind her, looking for him. Her face seemed to ease when she found him. He smiled gently, and it warmed him to see her return it.
Asui had a hold on Ochako’s arm, tears still on her face. Ochako followed her into a seat, but she looked at him with a small gesture towards the adjacent seat. He just nodded, trying to reassure her.
He let Todoroki in for the window seat, then sat on the aisle himself and glanced at Ochako again. Her eyes were so heavy and red, and her smile was faint, but she looked genuine. She wasn’t alright, but this was a good step forward.
She reached her hand out towards him, which he gladly took and held across the aisle.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice soft. “Thank you, Deku.”
He squeezed her hand. “Of course.”
She smiled that soft, beautiful smile once more, then shut her eyes and fell asleep. Her face looked so peaceful as her hand relaxed in his. He tightened his grip on her, not willing to sever the connection just yet.
“You got through to her,” Todoroki said from beside him.
Izuku looked up, seeing Todoroki beside him, and Iida from the row behind looking at him intently. He nodded, subtly squeezing her hand again.
“That’s what friends do, right?” He smiled.
The two of them, both who so deeply understood this sentiment, smiled in return.
Izuku leaned his head back against the seat, looking at Ochako once more. Her breaths were quiet as she slept, and he smiled again. As similar as it was to when he’d meddled with Todoroki and Iida's situations, it had been vastly different with Ochako.
He gripped her hand in his, relishing the comfort her touch gave him, and he pondered how changed his heart felt, just by knowing her.
Thank you… Ochako.
Notes:
(putting this here because I hate how the first chap note shows up in every chap…)
I love this chapter. I was pretty mad at it when I first read it for that unfortunate timing and interruption, but after writing this out, I feel a lot better.
If you’ve read any of my previous stuff, you’ll understand how ecstatic I have been seeing this plot point (Ochako hiding her feelings and Izuku busting down her walls) come to fruition. I’ve been with My Hero Academia for so long now, and to see it end has been incredible. I love these two so much, and it’ll be so bittersweet and sublime to say goodbye to their journey.
(Edit): this will be a multi-chapter fic so please enjoy chapter 2! Comments are much appreciated if you can spare em