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Chapter Text

Solum infirmas ruinam.
Only the weak fall.

Sugawara Koushi wasn't weak. Wich meant he definitely wasn't going to fall.
Not until he was alone in his room at least.

His gaze was set forward, meeting emeralds.
Green eyes stared at him through the slits at the near top of a mask.
They were soulless eyes.
No sparkle, no life could be seen in them.

It made a shiver run down Suga's spine, knowing that look from the countless times when he had met the other end of his father's cold stares.

Once again he was glad that he had inherited his grandmother's brown eyes. They were the only thing that made him not frown when looking in the mirror after all.

After meeting the dull gaze of the other man, he quickly glanced down at the familiar marmor plate of his family's dining table. Not that they ate there a lot anyways. Whatever would happen here atleast wouldn't haunt him everytime he ate something in this house.

He was glad when the large doors to the dining room finally opened, but once he laid eyes on silver hair, his happiness disappeared as quickly as it came.

His mother and father were stalking towards the table in their oh so familiar grace. When they reached the top of the table, his father's hands swiftly reached for the high chair that was right beside Suga and pulled it aside for his wife to sit. Once she was seated he proceeded towards the other end of the long plate, seating himself.

"Hello, allies", his father started. "We're very happy to be hosting our first reunion after all these years. Some of you may remember my son, Koushi. I'm very proud to announce that he puts all of his trust and allegiance in us and the dark lord."

His father had his lips in a pressed smile, gesturing with his hands in Suga's direction. Some of the people at the table nodded at him, others just simply stared, like the man with the emerald eyes in front of him.

When their gazes redirected to his father again, Suga let out a quiet breath. He really didn't like people putting all of their attention on him. He knew this wouldn't be the only time they'd do it this night though. He knew what his father's plans were. He had heared them ever since he was little.

"You're going to save us one day, Koushi. You'll be the reason why everything is going to go right again. The Sugawara's will be feared and respected again Koushi, do you understand? You have to bring us to the top again. It's your purpose. Solum infirmas ruinam. Only the weak fall, do you hear me, Koushi? You will not fall."

Sugawara Koshi wasn't weak.
But when all eyes were on him again and his father and the man infront of him stood up, he kinda wished he was.

Chapter Text

-1 year before -

Suga squezed through the narrow corridor between the different cars of the Hogwarts Express. 

His suitcase rattled behind him, occasionally bumping into glass doors on his way to his usual car. Internally he cursed himself for having been late at the platform. He just had to hope that his carriage wasn't occupied by someone else already. 

His carriage was now only a few meters away and he quickly glanced into it sighing as he saw a group of presumably first years already sitting in it. 

His best friend was nowhere in sight. 

He remembered seeing a group of Gryffindors sitting a few carriages away. Maybe they knew where to find him. 

Clumsily he tried to turn around in the small passageway hitting his shin against his suitcase, hissing at the pain. 

Merlin, he really hated this...

He made his way down the train again, peeking his head inside the other carriage which was stuffed to the brim. 

There were atleast 6 guys packed in there. All of them were Gryffindors except for one blond-haired Slytherin who Suga vaguely recognized from their common room. He was glad that he also knew two of the boys from classes the Slytherins had shared with the Gryffindors before. Altleast it wouldn't be fully akward...

"Er- excuse me?", the carriage went silent and all of them looked at him now. He smiled nervously. "Sorry to interrupt, but do you maybe know where Yaku Morisuke is? I arrived a bit late and our carriage is already occupied."

A guy with short brown hair went to answer him with a friendly smile but was interrupted by the Slytherin. "And why would we tell you?", the blond eyed him suspiciously. 

"Tsukki!", a green-haired Gryffindor exclaimed beside him. 

"No. He's Sugawara Koshi, the one I told you about? I bet he's just searching for Morisuke to hex or curse him", the Slytherin looked at Suga with disgust. 

Suga should have known it would go this way. It always did anyways. 

The brown-haired boy from earlier looked furious. "Tsukishima-", he began but was interrupted once again, this time by Suga though. "Oh, it's reasonable, really. I know my family isn't the greatest... Um, I promise I'm not like them though. I don't really think all these blood-purity things really matter", he cracked a smile, feeling rather uncomfortable now. He should have just looked for an empty car...

"No, it's totally not okay of Tsukishima to just assume things only because of what your family may have done", the brown haired boy finally got to talk, glaring at the younger blond. 

"I personally don't know where Morisuke is, but you could sit with us if you'd like? I think one more person could fit", he smiled at Suga again. 

"Yeah. Tsukishima's a dick sometimes. Don't mind him", replied another boy, who looked as if he was only in second year.

Suga didn't even think about it. He was already ready to reply that it really was fine and that he would just go and look for an empty carriage, when a shout from down the corridor interrupted their conversation. 

"Suga-san!", exclaimed a loud voice and the next second an orange-haired boy appeared in front of him, bouncing up and down with a sparkle in his eyes. 

Suga relaxed immediately. 

"Hello, Hinata. How were your holidays? Got your hands on any books about History of Magic?" 

The boy swiftly avoided the question and looked into the carriage of Gryffindors instead. 

"Yuck, Suga! Why are you talking to slimy Tsukishima?", he asked with shock clearly on his face. The blond scoffed. "Excuse me?!"

But Hinata didn't let him talk and just turned to look at Suga again. 

"Ah, I just saw that people were already in my carriage from the previous years and Yaku wasn't there, so I thought they would maybe know where he was."

"Oh, I was just at the bathroom. Got sick again, you know. Me, Kageyama and Kenma already have a carriage though. You can join us!", the orange-haired exclaimed exitedly. 

Suga grinned and turned to the carriage once more. 

"Sorry, but it seems like Hinata here wants me in his car. Thanks for the request though."

His grin changed into a soft smile at the last sentence, which he directed at the nice brown-haired boy, who immediately turned red.

Suga didn't notice that though, because he was already following Hinata down the passageway again.

-----------

As always the train came to a halt at Hogsmeade Station and the new first years got sent to Hagrid, who took them down a different route to the lake.

Meanwhile the other students walked over to the coaches with the thestrals. Suga saw a second year who stared at the animals in shock and he immediately felt bad for the kid. Even more as his friends didn't seem to see anything and made fun of him for seeing things. 

Suga liked the thestrals. They were scary at first, but the more you'd look at them, the more of their beauty you'd see. 

He didn't mind being reminded of having seen death every time he looked at them. It was oddly comforting in a way, that Suga couldn't explain. He simply liked it.

He waited for an empty coach, because he couldn't spot Hinata and his friends anymore. They were robably already on their way to the castle.

The drive was bumpy and Suga had to share the coach with two third year Ravenclaw girls who were whispering and looking at him the whole ride. 

It was really uncomfortable, to say the least, and he was glad when they finally arrived at Hogwarts and he could slip into the crowd of people, wandering towards the castle.

Chapter Text

The sorting ceremony was boring like every year. Suga's eyes roamed around the Great Hall, quietly observing the other students. 

His eyes kept wandering back to the Gryffindor table across the hall. He still hadn't spotted Yaku anywhere, worry settling in his stomach. He hoped, he would see him until curfew rolled around.

He did see the guys from the train again. They seemed to be having quite a fun time, the shorter boy who had stood up to him in the carriage sending little fireworks over the tables, exploding in red and gold in the goblets of their schoolmates.

His eyes fell to the brown-haired boy who had patiently answered his questions. He was glaring at the shorter boy, probably trying to look angry, but Suga could see his lips quirking up in a small smile. 

Suga's stomach became considerably warmer by looking at the other boys face.

Sawamura Daichi. That was his name. 

Suga remembered him from the potions class the Slytherins and Gryffindor had shared in their second year and the charms class in their third. Remembering his new time table, he knew they would share Defense Against the Dark Arts this year aswell. 

Suga knew the Sawamuras were a pureblood family, but certainly a different one than his own. When his father spoke of the Sawamuras, the word "blood-traitors" couldn't be avoided.

Apparently Sawamura's father had worked at the ministry as the right-hand man of the head of the Law Enforcement department.

The hate of Suga's own father towards the other man had founded, as Sawamura refused to establish blood-purity tests for ministry workers. Anyone who's blood didn't have alteast 70% of magic in it, would be removed from any work within the Wizagamot.

When Suga was five, that idea had seemed much more reasonable to him, than it did nowadays.

It had also seemed to be more reasonable to drink a whole bottle of wine when the tests had been finally approved, because the man blocking them had been teared to shreds by a werewolve. 

Looking at Sawamura now sitting at the table across the hall glaring at his underclassmen with the same amusement a father would have, made Suga's heart sting.

Also because he knew, that that werewolve didn't go on a rampage for no reason. 

Suga was just too much of a coward to face the truth.

He couldn't bear looking at the other boy anymore, quickly averting his eyes to search the hall for a distraction.

He saw Hinata and his best friend Kageyama Tobio sitting in the middle of the Hufflepuff table, bickering as they always did.

He remembered to ask Hinata again, if he had looked at his book recommendation over the holidays, in their next tutoring session.

His eyes strayed to the Ravenclaw table, where Kozume Kenma and his best friend Kuroo Tetsuroo sat, looking as bored as himself. 

Kuroo flipped a Berty Bott's bean at Kenma's head, who responded with dumping the whole bowl in Kuroos lap with one flick of his wand.

The ravenette immediately picked up his own wand, ready to drench Kenma in his goblet of pumpkin juice, when they were interrupted.

"SLYTHERIN", shouted the sorting hat for the third time that evening and a little first year with blonde hair wobbled over to Suga's table.

His face was stern and his chest puffed out proudly, even though Suga could see a look of relief in his eyes.

You saw that look in almost everyones eyes once they had been sorted, but Suga couldn't help feeling like the look in the Slytherins eyes were fundamentally different.

He clapped his hands, because no one else in the hall besides the Slytherin table did. Not even everyone of the Slytherins.

Many still too occupied with whatever they had to go through over the holidays.

He didn't blame them and he was sure the first year didn't aswell. 

A Hufflepuff was called and everyone besides the Slytherins applauded, the girl hopping down to her table with a bright grin on her face.

Suga knew that if she had been sorted into Slytherin, her fate wouldn't have been different than the boy before her.

His eyes drifted away from the front, as Headmaster Ukai stood up to hold his annual speech. 

"Welcome students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.-", began the old man and Suga immediately blocked him out again.

He wondered if the man would ever come up with something new. 

Looking back at his schoolmates he realized many of them were sneaking glances at the Slytherin table, whispering among themelves.

Suga allowed himself to peek a glance at where they were looking. 

He knew who they were all murmuring about. 

A few seats down from where he sat, a brown-haired boy was slumped in his seat, arms crossed, absentmindedly looking at the tablecloth in front of him. 

A silver prefect badge was gleaming on his chest in the light of the candles. 

The snake on it winding itself right over his heart.

But that wasn't what everyone had noticed. No, there was something else.

A cut, visible on the boys cheek. Angry and red. 

Suga knew he shouldn't have looked at him. Because now, memories started to cloud his mind. 

Birthday.Yelling. Shards. Blood, pouring 

down, 

down, 

down. 

A Scream. A Yank. A Slam. Clicking coming closerclosercloser. 

Terror. 

Cold, 

cold, 

cold

  nothingness.       

Brown eyes, darker than his own, piercing into his very soul. 

Just as they did right now. 

Suga had stared for too long.

Headmaster Ukai's speech was already over and loud clatter filled the hall, the delicious scent of the house-elfs cooked dishes hanging in the air.

Suga resisted the urge to puke right then and there. 

He couldn't do this.

His cousins eyes were cruel. 

Mocking him in every way possible as they laid themselves on his frail body. Searching Suga's eyes for something, that Suga found hard to block out once he had released a tiny bit of it. 

And then they looked more like their grandpas eyes than their grandmas and Suga felt like a little kid again, sitting at the floor of his father's study. The bloodied back of his hand staining the green carpet.

He knocked his goblet over in his rash to flee the hall.

The pumpkin juice on the green tablecloth looked like blood.