Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rain always knew it would end like this.

Honestly, he had expected this to happen sooner .

But knowing it was coming didn’t make it hurt any less.

It was raining.

The water chilled him to the bone.

God, he really wished he had drove to Phayu’s place this weekend instead of letting his boy- ex boyfriend drive him. 

He had contemplated walking to his mother's house, longing for the isolation of his bedroom to break down in peace.

But that was a nearly forty-minute walk, and Sky’s place was about ten minutes closer.

He just hoped Sky wasn’t with Pai this weekend.

A hiccupped sob escaped him before he could force it back, and Rain gritted his teeth as he tried desperately to make the tears stop.

Crying wouldn’t change anything.

It never made anyone come back. 

He had learned that years ago.

With a list of old friends from school.

With his father. 

And now, with Phayu.

The name sent a shockwave of pain through his entire body.

Phayu, the first person Rain had ever loved.

Phayu, the person Rain had trusted with his first everything.

Phayu, the man who inspired Rain on a daily basis.

Phayu, who somehow grounded him and encouraged him to fly all at the same time.

Phayu, who as of thirty minutes ago, finally kicked Rain to the curb.

Well sort of.

Phayu wouldn’t ever actually kick Rain out, he was far too nice for that even to people who deserved it.

But Rain had a lot of experience with knowing when he wasn’t wanted anymore.

And Phayu had made it pretty clear tonight that Rain wasn’t someone he could deal with any longer.

He was too messy.

Too forgetful.

He had too much energy.

He was too scatterbrained.

He wasn’t focused enough on important matters.

He was just too much .

Rain knew it all.

But still, he had allowed himself to hope.

Which, looking back, had been his first mistake.

Someone as great as Phayu could never be for someone like him.

Rain had known that from the start .

But he had still tried .

He tried to be good enough for his P’Phayu.

Really, he had.

Maybe not at first, but when Rain and Phayu were finally together he had tried to change himself into someone Phayu could be proud of.

He had made himself small, set several alarms to remember to message his boyfriend during the day.

He tried not to take up too much space at Phayu’s house and listened intently when Phayu complained about work or the garage.

And for a while, it seemed to be working.

But the thing about forcing yourself into a smaller mold was that you were destined to one day break out of it whether you wanted to or not.

He had gotten too comfortable.

Trusted too much in Phayu’s love for him.

But love was never enough when you were insufferable to be around.

By the time Rain made it to Sky’s dorm the sun had fully set, and he had to rely on the streetlights to see where he was going.

The second he stepped into the air-conditioned building he shivered, then winced as his wet shoes squished against the tile floor.

Feeling more than a little guilty for trailing water into the building and elevator, Rain was just glad he didn’t encounter anyone.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Sky’s dorm room and he knocked, praying Sky was home.

Thankfully he could hear someone approaching and Rain sighed in relief.

When the door opened, Rain raised his eyebrows in surprise for a second.

Prapai had opened the door and was staring wide eyed at him.

“Is Sky home?” Rain asked through his chattering teeth.

Pai just stared at him for a second before turning slightly to the side and calling for Sky.

The racer moved back a little and motioned for Rain to come in.

Then Pai closed and locked the door and walked down the hallway just as Sky came into view.

Sky looked just as shocked as Pai had to see a soaking wet Rain.

“Rain,” Sky breathed, moving to his side quickly. “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were with P’Phayu this weekend.”

The mention of the man made Rain’s throat close up and he felt his tears begin again in earnest. 

“Sky, he broke up with me.” Rain sobbed and Sky’s eyes widened even further.

A thump from deeper into the apartment drew Rain’s attention for a second before arms around him distracted him. 

“Sky,” Rain protested weakly. “I’m going to get you wet,”

“I don’t care,” Sky huffed, but his voice was soft and gentle like it always was when Rain was upset. 

Giving up on not getting water on his friend, Rain melted into the embrace and wept openly against his best friend's shoulder.

“What even happened?” Pai whispered harshly in the doorway to the living room.

“I don’t know.” Sky sighed just as quietly. 

“Did he walk here from Phayu’s house? In the rain? ” Prapai demanded.

“I don’t know.” Sky repeated.

“That’s like a thirty-minute walk- even if Yu did break up with him surely, he wouldn’t kick him out in the rain.” Prapai sounded aghast at the thought, and that’s when Rain decided to speak up from his place on the couch.

He had showered and changed into a pair of clean pajamas that Sky had let him borrow and was feeling much calmer now, but the couple still kept sending him concerned glances.

“P’Phayu didn’t kick me out.” Rain explained, not liking the look on Sky’s face at the idea. “He would never do that.”

Both men turned to face him, a slightly guilty expression on their faces for talking about their guest right in front of said guest.

“Rain,” Sky frowned at him. “Then why did you walk here? In the rain? You should have called me to come pick you up.”

Honestly the idea hadn’t really occurred to him, and by the rolling of Sky’s eyes he knew that.

“I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly,” Rain insisted as he defended himself. “I was really upset, and P’Phayu just wanted me gone and I didn’t want to make him be around me anymore than he had to.”

Sky’s frown deepened and he moved to sit beside Rain on the sofa.

“What happened?”

Like every time he thought of what happened, Rain’s eyes pricked with tears, but he forced them back as he swallowed thickly.

“He broke up with me.”

“ Why? ” Sky pushed.

A bitter laugh escaped him.

“Because he finally figured out I'm not good enough for him Sky, why else would he break up with me?” Rain deadpanned. “He finally came to his senses and realized he could do better. He finally realized I'm not worth the effort.”

Sky’s expression dropped, one part sadness and the other part anger.

“You are good enough Rain. Phayu’s a fool if he thinks otherwise.” Sky scowled. “But what specifically happened today that triggered whatever argument you guys had?”

Realizing that giving vague answers wouldn’t be enough for Sky, Rain explained everything. 

“Honestly, this is my fault.” Rain began. “You need to understand that before I tell you everything.”

“I make no promises. Now continue.”

“P’Phayu and I had planned to spend the weekend together, and we had already agreed that P’Phayu would come pick me up from class and then bring me back Monday morning. But P’Saifah ended up being the one to pick me up. He said P’Phayu was working late on an emergency work assignment, and he would be back later on in the night.” Rain continued, trying to be as emotionless as possible. “But it was getting really late. And I got hungry. So, I decided to cook. I didn’t know how late P’Phayu would be so I thought it would be nice if he had something home cooked to eat when he got back. But after I finished cooking, I got really tired, and I decided to go to bed.”

Rain swallowed hard against the wave of emotion that threatened to drown him.

“I forgot to clean up.” Rain whispered, wiping at his eyes softly. “Which was stupid and disrespectful because it wasn’t my house, and I know that, but I honestly just forgot. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I should have cleaned up during the day, but I kept getting distracted, I was doing that new project that was assigned yesterday. P’Phayu didn’t get home till just a few hours ago. And he got really mad when he saw the mess I made. He started yelling.”

Rain’s voice broke on the last work and Sky looked angrier now.

“Which I deserved!” Rain insisted when he saw the look on his best friend's face. “Really! He was working so hard, and I had made a mess of not only his kitchen but the living room too! I didn’t even think of how he would feel to come home to that. And then he started talking about how I take advantage of the things he does for me, and how he doesn’t think he should be dating someone so thoughtless of other people’s feelings. I tried to apologize but he didn’t want to hear it. He started to go upstairs, and I got up to follow him, but he said he needed time to decompress without me there.”

Rain winced as he remembered how those words had been like a knife to the heart. 

A sharp exhale left Sky’s lips.

“P’Pai,” Sky gritted through his teeth, without looking at the racer. “I’m going to kill your best friend.”

But only silence followed, and when Rain looked up Pai was gone.

“Where did he go?” Rain frowned, and Sky looked back with a matching frown.

Then Sky’s phone buzzed, and they both looked at the message.

P’Pai

Gonna go beat the shit out of my bro, be home soon my Sky.

Rain’s eyes widened.

“He doesn’t mean-”

“Oh, I think that’s exactly what he means.” Sky looked pleased.

Chapter Text

Prapai had known Phayu for a very long time.

They grew up in the same family and were in every way but blood cousins. 

Still, there had been a separation between them growing up.

Pai's father and Phayu's father, while not actively at war with each other, still had a lot of bad blood between them and on a subconscious level Prapai had always stayed clear of the Minor family's air even though he knew his papa and Phayu's papa were close friends.

They went to the same school, had most of the same classes, and were distant friends who happened to belong in the same family.

But they didn’t really become close until college.

Despite their different majors- Phayu in architecture and Prapai in business- they still bonded over long days in a difficult major and even longer nights as they struggled to get their assignments done on time.

Pai couldn’t even count the number of all nighters they had spent together as they quizzed each other for upcoming tests and exams while delirious from lack of sleep.

Phayu had been the one to introduce Pai to Pakin.

Their second year of college Prapai had something rock his world. 

*****

His sister, Pure, had been followed on her way home from high school and assaulted in broad daylight.

She had always been such a happy person, her smile carefree and her laugh infectious.

But something in her changed that day.

She became a shell of herself.

She no longer laughed. No longer smiled.

And most of all, she was suddenly terrified of the world around her.

Pure wouldn’t go out with her friends. She refused to walk home from school. Wouldn’t even leave the house without someone with her.

She couldn’t even escape the fear in her dreams, struck by unrelenting night terrors that had her screaming in her sleep.

All because the man who had hurt her still walked free.

He had only ever spent a night or two in jail before being released because of insufficient evidence .

Prapai knew if he told their parents the man would be taken care of, but Pure had begged him not to tell Papa and dad.

and Prapai had never been able to say no to his little sister.

Their parents knew something had happened to their daughter, but Pure had sworn Prapai to keep the details to himself.

The rage and injustice had consumed Pai.

He almost hadn’t made it through his second year of college.

His only escape had been racing.

Phayu had been the one to think of asking Pakin for help. To Pai it was the perfect solution. Someone powerful enough to make people disappear without breaking the promise Pure he had made to his sister.

“You’ll owe him for however long you remain useful, ” Phayu had warned. “ You can’t just quit if it gets dangerous. ”

The threat hadn’t scared Prapai in the slightest.

If Pakin could promise the man who had hurt his sister would pay, Prapai would follow him to the ends of the earth. 

Pakin, always a businessman, had been delighted by the prospect of having such a skilled racer under his belt. 

He had agreed that he would take care of his sister’s attacker, if Pai raced under his name.

Contracts were signed, his skill proven, and by the end of that week Prapai watched as the man who hurt his sister was tortured then killed.

He had kept the more violent details to himself, but that night Prapai had gone to Pure and explained that she would never have to fear that man coming after her ever again.

That her big brother had taken care of it.

That was the moment things changed for Pure.

Finally, she started to heal from her attack.

She started smiling.

Started venturing out of the house on her own.

And now years later she was confident. Happy. No longer terrified of the world. 

And really, Pai owed it all to Phayu.

*******

Now, all of this was to say that Phayu had seen Prapai at his worst, and over time Pai could say the same about Phayu.

He knew Phayu.

Knew of his strengths. Knew the things he excelled at. Knew what made him light up inside. Knew above all what pushed Phayu to keep going.

Pai had never seen Phayu so utterly euphoric as when he was around Rain.

Rain had brought out a side of Phayu not even Saifah had seen before, and Pai knew this because Phayu’s twin never missed a chance to poke fun at how whipped the mechanic was.

Phayu was always so stoic, even around his friends.

Sure, he would give a smirk or two when Pai cracked a joke at his twin's expense, or someone cracked a joke at Pai’s expense but somehow the bubbly freshman that was his Sky’s best friend made Phayu nearly glow with adoration.

Now, just as Pai knew all the positives about his best friend he also knew the negatives.

Knew Phayu’s faults. His weaknesses. 

Pai knew what made Phayu’s blood boil, and what the perfect combination was for his best friend to snap .

It didn’t happen often.

Phayu was always so in control of himself.

He didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t say things he didn’t mean. Didn’t say things he would regret later out of an emotional rise.

Except under very specific circumstances.

The combination went like this.

Lack of sleep, lack of food, overworked with a difficult concept or customer, a messy environment, and as of recently being away from Rain too long. 

Prapai was one hundred percent certain that Phayu had not actually meant to express a want to break up with Rain.

Prapai would bet his life on it.

He was just exhausted, starving, overworked, and came home to a messy house.

Phayu had lost control of his seemingly never-ending patience.

Which was why Prapai wasn’t all that surprised to find Phayu curled up against the back of his couch on the floor with his head in his hands as soon as he walked in the door.

Phayu didn’t even seem to hear the door open.

“So,” Pai said cheerfully, and Phayu’s head snapped up to look at him in surprise before it dropped into a glare. “Welcome to the doghouse, my friend.”

“If your just here to remind me of how much I fucked up, get the fuck out.” Phayu sneered at him.

Prapai raised an eyebrow at Phayu’s - repeated no less- use of the word fuck.

Seemed his friend was even more worked up than Pai had thought. 

“Aw, come on Yu.” Pai walked over to the couch and joined Phayu on the floor. “You know I'm not the gloating type.”

Phayu scoffed at the obvious lie.

Pai took a second to look over his friend.

He was changed out of his work clothes at least and looked to have recently showered.

But that was about all Pai could say about his friend.

Phayu looked fucking awful .

Deep bags under his eyes, complexion pale and sickly, and his eyes were puffy and red- a clear sign of recent tears.

“Have you slept?” Prapai asked, knowing the answer before Phayu even answered.

“No,” Phayu grumbled. 

“Have you eaten?”

“No.”

“Did you at least keep yourself hydrated overnight?”

“What are you, my papa ? ” Phayu deadpanned.

So that was a no.

“Okay,” Prapai nodded. “I’ll order some food, you know I can’t cook for shit, I'll get you a glass of water and after you eat, you're going straight to bed.”

“I’m not sleeping,” Phayu argued immediately, “Not until I talk to Rain.”

Prapai had expected this.

“You have been awake for over twenty-four hours without food and barely any water Yu,” Prapai responded. “Talking to Rain right now is not going to end well. You both need a good night's sleep before you talk.”

Phayu looked as if he wanted to argue but didn’t have it in him to fight.

Pai ventured into the kitchen, which looked spotless so either Rain or Phayu had cleaned up and returned with a glass of water that Phayu chugged before placing the cup on the ground beside him.

Phayu was silent for a second, a distant haunted look in his eyes as he stared at the ground in front of him.

“I yelled at him.” Phayu whispered. “No, I screamed at him. You should have seen his face, he looked so hurt. I haven’t raised my voice at him since we got together. But I was fucking exhausted because this stupid contractor completely fucked up the dimensions of the base layer. He offered to redo everything, but the client needs the building done as soon as possible, and redoing everything would have taken at least two weeks of time we don’t have so we had to completely start from scratch with the new measurements and somehow fit all the client's needs into a smaller building and it took fucking hours Pai.” 

“Then I could finally leave and the entire drive home all I was thinking about was getting home and making myself food because I was fucking starving. Then I get home, and the kitchen was a fucking wreck and all the pans I needed were dirty. And I just snapped.” Phayu grimaced, “I just saw red. I don’t even remember walking into the living room but suddenly I was there, and he was on the couch and then I was screaming so loud my throat hurt and God, his face . His face immediately dropped, and he just shrunk in on himself. He didn’t even get mad that I was taking everything out on him. He just took it. Like he deserved to be yelled at.”

Tears were slipping down Phayu’s cheeks at this point. 

“By the time I realized what a complete asshole I was being, it was too late. I don’t even remember what I said. He tried to apologize but I couldn’t stand to hear it. I felt too guilty.  I knew I needed a moment alone before I could apologize so I started going upstairs but he tried to follow me and so I told him I needed some time alone to decompress but I didn’t mean I wanted him to leave ,” Phayu exclaimed in desperate exasperation. “I was only going to be a few minutes then we were going to talk about it. But I went back downstairs, and he was fucking gone . He was so desperate to get away from me he walked in the rain . I promised myself after the first time I would never let him do that again and God it was so fucking stupid . Why didn’t I just take the extra ten minutes to wash what I needed and move on?”

“Because you weren’t in your right mind.” 

“Yeah, but that’s not an excuse to verbally berate my partner Pai!” Phayu yelled, and Prapai knew it was the guilt talking and he shouldn’t take offense to it. “He didn’t deserve that! Nothing Rain could do would ever be a reason for me to treat him like that! It’s not like he did it on purpose! I know he procrastinates tasks like that sometimes, especially if he’s busy with a project- which he was! Hell, I’m proud he even remembered to eat something last night!”

“It took so fucking long for him to be comfortable enough to treat this place like his own! He always tries so hard not to make messes like that, and the rare times he does make me so fucking happy because that means he’s comfortable enough to be himself here! I don’t want him to feel like a guest, I want him to feel like this is home! ”

Something dawned on Prapai.

Something that really should have been obvious.

“You want him to move in.” 

Phayu deflated so quickly Prapai was surprised he didn’t melt into the floor.

“Every time he stays here overnight, and I get to wake up with him in my arms I-” Phayu paused, seeming at a loss for words. “-I can’t even describe it. It’s like all this time something was missing, and I didn’t know it because we hadn’t met yet. And now that he’s here, he fills in this space that was always meant to be his. Every time I come home from work and he’s there to greet me, no matter how hard or bad my day was, I just feel lighter inside. Like it all just melts away.”

“I want that every day.” Phayu seemed so small suddenly, smaller than Pai had ever heard him be. “And now I'll have to wait even longer because there’s no way he’ll say yes to moving in now. Not after today.”

Phayu scoffed suddenly, wiping roughly at his tear-stained cheeks.

“If it ever happens at all, I wouldn’t be surprised if he breaks up with me after this.”

The words are out of Pa’s mouth before he can hold them back.

“He thinks you broke up with him actually,”

Phayu’s head snapped to look at him so quickly, Prapai was surprised he didn’t hear a crack.

“What?!” Phayu’s eyes were wide and wild.

Pai winced.

Yeah, maybe keeping that to himself for a little longer would have been a better idea.

“Pai, tell me you're joking.” Phayu continued, nearly pleading. “Don’t tell me he thinks I would actually leave him over this.”

Already too deep to lie, Prapai nodded with a grimace.

“He was pretty upset.” Prapai sighed.

“What did he say?” Phayu demanded.

Prapai was suddenly deeply uncomfortable because this was a delicate situation.

On one hand, really it should be Rain explaining his own insecurities and reasons why he thought Phayu had broken up with him.

On the other hand, Prapai doubted Rain would ever be completely honest with Phayu about how deep his insecurities ran and if their situations were switched- God forbid- Pai would want to know exactly what Sky has assumed so he knew what to address in his apology.

 With that scenario in mind, Prapai decided it was best that his best friend knew about what Rain had said.

“When Sky asked him why you guys broke up, Rain said it was because you "finally realized he wasn’t good enough for you".” Prapai sighed and a pained noise escaped Phayu. “He said you finally “came to your senses” and realized you could do so much better and that he simply wasn’t “worth the effort.”

Prai made quotation marks with his fingers at the direct wording Rain had used.

Phayu looked horrified.

“Unfortunately,” Pai continued, “He’s also completely convinced he deserved it. Kept insisting everything you did was justified because what he did was stupid and disrespectful even though he didn’t mean to forget.”

“ Fuck, ” Phayu choked out, tears running down his cheeks earnestly, and his hands came up to grip his hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck .”

Then Phayu was stumbling to his feet. He wobbled in place once he was standing.

Prapai rose with him, quickly stabilizing Phayu while half restraining him as the man fought to get to the front door.

“I need to see him; I need to talk to him.” Phayu sounded breathless with a mixture of fear and guilt, as he struggled against Prapai. “I have to apologize; he has to know I didn’t mean it like that. He has to know I didn’t-”

Phayu broke off mid-sentence as he gasped for air, and Prapai wavered on his initial decision to keep the two apart for the night.

Phayu looked like he might actually die if he wasn’t near Rain right now, and Prapai again thought of how he might feel if their situations were switched.

Fuck it.

“Alright,” Prapai decided impulsively, “Calm down. I’ll drive us. But you have to order take out to be delivered to Sky’s on the way there, okay?”

Phayu nodded eagerly, and Prapai was convinced Phayu would agree to just about anything right now.

Chapter Text

Phayu’s entire body was alight with the need to see his boy.

He was still exhausted. Still sleep deprived. Still starving and thirsty but all of those things could wait.

He would survive without those things for a while longer.

He wouldn’t survive a night without Rain.

Not after hearing everything his precious boy thought about himself.

Not after knowing the things Rain was convinced Phayu thought.

All those horrible gut wrenching lies that Phayu couldn’t allow to exist any longer.

Phayu didn’t think he had ever felt this guilty in his life.

Not even when he had let Rain wait for him outside in the middle of a storm for hours .

It was more than guilt.

It was a hollow desperate clawing underneath his skin, that he knew could only ever be soothed once Rain was in his arms.

Oh, how he ached to hold Rain.

To press his sweet boy against his chest and press apologies and praise into his skin with his lips, leaving a trail of love and adoration as if maybe if he tried hard enough, he could block out the noise in Rain’s head that had him convinced Phayu was too good for him.

The thought in itself was absolutely ludicrous.

If anything, Rain was the one who was too good for Phayu.

Rain who was sunshine and warmth.

Rain who smiled so prettily at Phayu.

Rain who looked at Phayu as if he hung the moon and stars.

Rain who defended him so earnestly, even when Phayu had done him so wrong.

I’ll fix it, Phayu thought, desperate to convince himself that he could still call Rain his after tonight. I’ll make it up to him. No matter what I have to do. I’ll do anything to make this right.

As they were pulling into Sky’s building’s parking ramp Prapai murmured a soft warning.

“My Sky isn’t going to want to let you see him. He might turn you away at the door.” Prapai warned. “If he does, don’t fight him. You're my best friend Yu, but I won’t let you scare him because you're desperate to see Rain.”

For a second Phayu felt betrayed.

Prapai was his best friend.

They had known each other longer, how could Pai side with Sky over Phayu? 

You would do the same for Rain, a quiet voice inside him chimed in before Phayu could voice this. If it was Rain against Pai, you would side with Rain one hundred percent.

It was the truth.

If Pai even tried to intimidate Rain for any reason at all, no matter the years between them Phayu would stand with Rain no matter what.

So Phayu nodded with a scowl.

He would just have to convince Sky it was worth the risk of letting him see Rain.

There wasn’t another option.

Phayu would convince Sky.

Which in his mind, Phayu knew would not be an easy battle.

He didn’t know Sky as well as Pai or Rain but what Phayu did know of the architecture student, it was that he protected his own through hell or high water.

And Rain, while being Phayu’s boy, was also Sky’s. 

Rain and Sky were a package deal.

That was something Phayu had long since come to terms with.

What the two boys had wasn’t anything romantic.

There was no lust between them.

They were soulmates.

Plain and simple.

Phayu was okay with sharing the title of soulmate with Sky, simply because if there ever was anyone who would protect Rain’s heart like Phayu does- it would be Sky.

So, considering Phayu had unintendedly but thoroughly crushed Rain’s heart, he was expecting a lot of push back from Sky.

Despite his sleep deprived brain working sluggishly, Phayu prepared his speech as they took the elevator up to Sky’s floor and down the hall till they stood before Sky’s door.

There Phayu wasn’t sure where to proceed.

He knew Pai had a key to Sky’s apartment, but Phayu was most definitely not welcome.

Pai, sensing his unease, knocked on the door for him.

Phayu sent him a grateful nod, before straightening his shoulders and preparing for war.

Because it would be worth it.

Rain was worth it.

Chapter Text

Sky felt his body tense with anger when someone knocked on his front door.

Pai had a key.

There was only one other person that would have a reason to knock on his door this late at night.

And with Rain’s tear-streaked face within eyesight, boy was Sky ready to tear him apart.

Sky quietly yet swiftly rushed to the door, whipping it open and stepping out before closely it softly behind him.

Then he whirled on the familiar man in front of him. 

“ You,” Sky hissed, “Have a lot of fucking nerve showing up here after the absolute bullshit you pulled on Rain. He showed up here hours ago, soaking wet from walking in the rain from your house because he didn’t want to make you be around him longer than you had to.”

Phayu visibly flinched and Sky smirked viciously.

“Yeah? You need a minute to “decompress without him there”, ring a bell?” Sky mocked, before his smirk fell into a dangerous glower. “You know better, Phayu. Rain takes everything far too literally for you to be careless with your words. And you know this. I know you do because I told you myself. I warned you Phayu. I warned you that if you ever hurt him by being careless like that, I would make sure you never saw him again.”

“And yet,” Sky continued, “Here you stand. Expecting to be allowed to see him after you did just that.”

Sky moved in close, getting in Phayu’s face like he had never done to a senior before.

But right now, Phayu wasn’t his senior.

Wasn’t someone to be respected.

No, right now, all Phayu was to Sky was someone who hurt his best friend. 

“I know what it’s like to be treated the way you treated Rain today,” Sky whispered threateningly. “It starts with yelling. Then before you know it, he’s carrying bruises you put there while convincing him he deserved it. And if you think I’m going to stand by and let you hurt m y best fucking friend that way, you're fucking insane .”

Phayu didn’t react.

Not right away that is, not like Sky was expecting.

Sky expected to be met with anger, to be met with that furious expression Phayu gets when someone pisses him off.

Instead, Phayu just stared at him.

He was still.

It didn’t even look like he was breathing.

Then he took a deep breath and started talking.

“I know what I did today was inexcusable. I will be the first to say that my reaction was extremely far over the line of what is an acceptable way to treat the person you love. And with your permission I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to Rain for disrespecting and hurting him the way I did. I promised him a long time ago that I would never let him down and today I did.” Phayu’s voice was calm and measured. “I know it is not only him I have to convince of my regret. I know you would protect Rain with everything in you. I thank you for that. I respect you as that person in Rain’s life.”

“I know I have one chance to change your mind, and I’m going to give it my all.” Phayu took another deep breath, and Sky was somewhat surprised to find that tears were beginning to well up in the older man’s eyes.

Sky had never seen Phayu cry.

He hadn’t even thought the man was able to cry.

“I knew from the moment I saw him on the side of the road that Rain was special.” Phayu exclaimed, his voice strong with conviction. “But I could never have predicted how right I was at the time. Rain has changed my life in so many ways. He changed the way I see the world. He changed the way I interact with the people around me. He changed my view of what I wanted out of my future. He makes me more patient. More understanding. More considerate of other people’s thoughts and feelings. He makes me a better co-worker, a better friend, a better boss, a better brother and son. He makes me a better person in every way. He inspires me in a way I have never experienced before. He reminded me that I was allowed to find excitement in things again. He reminded me what it was like to live spontaneously. He showed me what it was like to love someone with your entire heart and soul.”

“And right now, all I care about is seeing Rain and making sure he knows of his place in my life. He needs to know how much I love him. He needs to know how sorry I am. And if after that he doesn’t want to see me anymore, I can’t promise I'll stay away for long, but I'll respect his need for space until he will let me see him again.”

“What makes you so sure he will want to see you again?” Sky demanded.

“Because I need him.” Phayu insisted, something wild and desperate in his eyes. “Because Rain is light in the darkness, and I can’t live without him. Rain can do so much fucking better than me. I know that. But I don’t trust anyone else to take care of him like I do. I don’t trust anyone else to protect him the way I do. You and I both know that while Rain is incredibly strong and determined, it would be so easy for someone to say the wrong thing and completely shatter him. I know I fucked up tonight. I know I broke his heart. But I will not stop trying until I put it back together.”

Phayu stopped talking to take a shaky breath, and it was then that Sky realized just how rough Phayu looked.

His skin was so pale it was almost white, he was still crying, the bags under his eyes were incredibly dark and above all else he just looked broken.

His eyes, where they were usually closed off to everyone that wasn’t Rain, were so expressive it was kind of bewildering to see.

Sky could read every emotion on his face.

Determination, love, desperation.

And underneath the surface, fear, regret.

Guilt.

So much guilt.

God, it was so obvious now Sky wondered how he hadn’t seen it before.

It was then that Sky remembered what Rain had told him earlier.

That Phayu had to work overnight, and late into the afternoon.

It was far past the twenty-four-hour mark that Phayu had been awake, and yet instead of sleeping he was here .

Phayu could have easily gone to bed and apologized in the morning.

But no.

Phayu was pushing through sleep deprivation and probably starvation to be here for Rain.

Because Phayu knew Rain was hurting and he couldn’t let his boy sit with the hurt he caused overnight. 

Because Rain was Phayu’s boy.

Sky could admit that he had always thought highly of Phayu, mainly because of the way he treated Rain.

He treated Rain with a sort of gentleness that as far as Sky knew had never been seen from Phayu before.

It was always sort of amusing to see the students who had interacted with Phayu before gape at the way the architect treated Rain.

Because it was that different .

According to Pai, Rain really had changed Phayu.

“He was always so stiff, you know. ” Pai had explained one night when they were on the subject. “So tense, like he was expecting to defend himself from everyone. Even when he was being nice to people, I could tell it was a facade. It was in his eyes. He was smiling but his eyes were cold.”

“With Rain, it’s-” Prapai had shook his head, as if in awe of something. “ It’s an entirely different ballgame. Rain can grab his hand or smile at him and his entire body relaxes. He smiles. Genuinely smiles, and his eyes- it’s like something in him comes alive.”

And after Prapai had mentioned it, Sky noticed it too.

The look on Phayu’s face whenever he was around Rain.

It had made Sky so happy to know someone else saw and appreciated the spark within Rain.

Sky didn’t just like Phayu, he trusted the man with Sky’s person.

It was why Sky had been so shocked earlier.

And so angry.

He felt deceived. 

Betrayed.

Because Sky had felt like there had always been an unspoken understanding between them.

An understanding that Rain was precious.

That Rain had a light within him that people would try and snuff out.

That Phayu and Sky were in this together when it came to protecting Rain.

Sky had never in a million years thought he would have to protect Rain from Phayu.

But the more Sky thought about it the more he realized he didn’t have to after all.

As an architecture student, he knew all too well the short fuse that came with sleep deprivation. 

And Phayu hadn’t just pulled an all nighter to build a model or study for an exam, no Phayu had worked for a solid twenty-four hours plus.

It was somewhat unfair, Sky realized, to put Phayu on a pedestal when in extreme conditions. 

A memory of Rain’s broken defeated expression crossed Sky’s mind, and that was the final nail in the coffin.

Sky had tried, unsuccessfully, for hours to get Rain to feel anything other than despair.

But Sky knew there was only one person who could bring the light back into Rain’s eyes.

“You have one chance.” Sky’s voice was monotone. “You go in there and you fix this. I expect groveling . I expect repeated apologies . I expect you to make him stop hurting . If you ever fuck up like this again, not even P’Pakin can save you.”

Phayu’s expression, which had been a pained grimace during Sky’s silence, dropped into such a sickening expression of hope and gratefulness he nearly rolled his eyes.

But he didn’t because Rain deserved this.

Rain deserved someone who looked so grateful to have the chance to make things right. 

Sky turned around and opened his door before holding it open for both Phayu and Pai to enter.

Phayu walked briskly past Sky to delve deeper into his apartment, but Pai lingered near Sky with an expectant expression.

“You were very patient while the adults talked,” Sky praised and pressed a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's cheek, and Prapai lit up like a kid on Christmas. 

Chapter Text

Rain wasn’t really sleeping.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was even but sleep evaded him.

He knew why.

It had been a repeated issue as of late whenever he left Phayu’s house to sleep at his mother’s.

He was just so used to having someone holding him at night.

Phayu’s arms were so warm, and they felt so safe.

Like nothing could get to him as long as Phayu was there.

So, the sound of Sky’s bedroom door opening and closing again didn’t really wake him, but it did bring him from a hazy in-between phase.

It was probably Sky coming to bed or grabbing something before bed but when someone crawled into bed with him and pulled Rain to their chest, he knew it wasn’t Sky.

Rain couldn’t even bring himself to stiffen.

Because he recognized those arms and that scent. 

There was only one person Rain knew that smelled like that.

And Phayu’s presence brought such a deep rooted sense of peace within him that not even the day's events could make him resist Phayu’s gentle grip as he adjusted Rain into his arms.

With Phayu Rain was just boneless, allowing the man to move him as he pleased until they were both on their sides, with Rain’s head pressed against Phayu’s front and Phayu’s arms wrapped securely around him.

He felt Phayu press his face into Rain’s hair, and the gentle pressure of soft lips pressing kisses there.

“I know you're awake, sweet boy.” Phayu whispered. 

Rain made a soft noise of acknowledgement.

“I’m so sorry I yelled at you today.” Phayu continued, still whispering. “There isn’t any excuse in the world for the way I treated you.”

“But I didn’t clean up,” Rain argued just as softly. “I should have. It’s not my house and I still pushed it off for a long time till I forgot. You were right to be mad. I deserved to be yelled at.”

“ No, ” Phayu insisted, his voice stronger. “No, Rain you didn’t deserve to be yelled at. I never should have raised my voice at you. It’s completely inexcusable. You could wreck my entire house and my office at the garage and you still wouldn’t deserve to be yelled at, do you hear me?”

Rain made a contemplative sound, not exactly a sound of disagreement but not exactly a confirmation either.

“Does that mean you don’t want to break up anymore?” Rain asked, able to hear the hope in his own voice.

Phayu inhaled sharply, as being reminded of something painful and pulled back just far enough so they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“Baby, I never wanted to break up in the first place.” Phayu looked pained and guilty, and so tired . 

“But you said…” Rain paused and frowned.

Surely there wasn’t a way to misinterpret what Phayu had said.

“I’m going to be honest,” Phayu admitted, “I don’t really remember everything I said. But I know for sure that even when I was yelling at you I never wanted to break up. I’m sorry for whatever I said.”

“You said you shouldn't be dating someone who was so careless of other people’s feelings.” Rain whispered, and Phayu’s expression dropped into one of pure guilt.

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” Phayu apologized, “You're not careless of other people’s feelings. I never should have said that.”

For the first time since it all happened, Rain felt something other than sadness.

Hurt.

“You really hurt me P’Phayu,” Rain began to cry and Phayu shushed him softly as he pressed Rain’s face into his neck.

“I know,” Phayu crooned, “I know and Phi is so sorry. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust and forgiveness.”

Rain allowed himself to cry, allowed himself to grieve the lost trust between them for a moment.

“I love you,” Phayu continued, running a comforting hand through Rain’s hair. “You are so thoughtful and you made my day better by just being there. Please don’t stop staying at my house because of this sweet boy. Please. I want you there. I want to come home and see your homework on my coffee table and a messy kitchen because you made food, and your clothes on my floor and have the bathroom floor be soaked because you never close the shower curtain far enough-”

“Phi!” Rain whined with a pout, “I swear I try! It’s not my fault, your shower curtain hates me.”

Phayu laughed, and despite everything Rain found himself laughing through his tears.

“I know, sweet boy,” Phayu continued laughing, pressing his lips to Rain’s forehead. “I just couldn’t help but tease you.”

“So mean,” Rain pouted playfully, and then Phayu was pressing his lips to Rain’s and he sighed happily into the kiss.

It felt so good to kiss Phayu after such an emotional day.

It felt like so long since they had kissed

The kiss was interrupted by Phayu yawning and Rain was reminded why it had been so long.

“Phi, you should be in bed!’ Rain cried, “You’ve been awake for forever! It’s not healthy- did you even eat the food I left for you?!”

Phayu looked confused.

“You- you made me food?” 

Rain nodded with a concerned frown.

“That’s why I used so many pans. I wanted to make something nice for you so you didn’t have to worry about cooking when you got home.”

Multiple emotions flashed across Phayu’s face.

Surprise, adoration, endearment, and then finally it settled on something that made Rain frown.

Guilt.

“You- you made me-” Phayu closed his eyes, a grimace on his face. “And I fucking yelled at you.”

Phayu pressed his hands into his eyes, and then Rain noticed the slight trembling of his lower lip.

Rain hated when Phayu cried.

He had only seen it a handful of times, and it never failed to make sympathetic tears well up in his own eyes.

Rain sat up, gently pushing Phayu onto his back before sliding into his lap.

Despite the rarity of Phayu’s tears, Rain had quickly realized the best way to make his boyfriend feel better was close contact.

Phayu liked to hold Rain always.

But especially when he was upset.

Rain pulled Phayu’s hands away from his face, and leaned down to gently kiss away the tears staining his boyfriends cheeks before pulling back.

“P’Phayu, I forgive you.” Rain whispered.

And he really meant it.

It was clear Phayu regretted what he said, and how he said it.

Honestly, the fact that Rain misinterpreted what Phayu had said was such a relief he didn’t have it in him to be mad.

“You shouldn’t,” Phayu murmured, hands resting on Rain’s hips on instinct. 

Then Phayu sighed a shaky breath and a serious expression fell on his face.

“We need to talk about what you told Pai and Sky,” Phayu frowned. 

Rain tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“What did I say?”

“About me being too good for you. About me finding someone better. About how you're not worth the effort,” Phayu nearly spit out the last word. “Tell me you don’t actually believe all that.”

Oh.

That.

Rain squirmed a little in place, uncomfortable by how intense Phayu’s stare was.

“I don’t not believe it.” Rain mumbled slowly, looking away from Phayu as he couldn’t stand to meet his boyfriend's eyes.

One of Phayu’s hands came up to rest on his cheek, gently turning Rain’s face back towards him.

“Pay attention to what I'm saying, because I'm only going to say this once sweet boy.” Phayu ordered, his eyes doing that slight squinting thing that told Rain Phayu meant business. “You are worth so much more than you think you are. There is no me being too good for you. There is no me finding someone better. There is no one out there better for me than you. And if there is, I don’t want them. I only want you. I will only want you for the rest of my life.”

“You don’t know that.” Rain argued immediately.

Something about that statement seemed to trigger every nerve in Rain’s body, his mind unable to process such a statement.

“Yes I do-”

“ No , you don’t.” Rain insisted, flashing back to all the empty promises he had been told in his life.

We’ll be friends forever.

I won’t leave you behind when I go to high school next year.

We’ll talk over the summer.

I won’t get too annoyed to continue being friends with you.

I promise I’ll come back.

The last one made Rain flinch.

He remembers being a child barely old enough to reach his mothers hip, attaching himself to his fathers leg as he cried and cried for the man not to leave.

Because somehow, even at such a young age, Rain knew that the suitcases in his fathers car meant he was leaving them.

Leaving him.

His father had knelt down to his level, gently detaching Rain’s arms from around his leg and pushing Rain slightly back by his shoulders.

“ I promise I’ll come back, ” He promised, and Rain held onto that promise with every ounce of strength in his childlike body.

He only let it go years later, when his hope and trust in his fathers word grew so strained and weak that holding on was pointless.

“You say you want me now. Everyone does at the time.” Rain continued, breathing quickly. “But eventually you're going to realize there’s something about me you can’t live with and you're going to leave. I’m messy. I’m scatterbrained. I’m easily distracted. I’m too much. I know that. I’ve come to terms with who I am as a person. But you aren’t allowed to make promises you can’t keep. And promising me you will want me forever is one of them.”

The longer Rain talked, the more pained Phayu looked.

“Baby…” Phayu whispered, eyes wide and sad.

“Don’t be sad P’Phayu,” Rain murmured with a weak smile, “It’s okay. Really. I’m happy with however long I get to have you. I won’t take a single day for granted.”

Then Rain’s smile faded.

“And- and when you find that loving me isn’t enough to ignore my faults, I’ll let you go.” Rain whispered, grimacing at the thought. “I won’t fight it. I won’t be mad and I won’t make you feel guilty.”

The day their relationship ended would be the worst day of Rain’s life.

It would change him forever, he thinks, a life without Phayu.

Rain doesn’t think he could survive it honestly.

A thought came to him. A selfish thought.

But Rain found himself voicing it anyway.

“Just- promise you won’t disappear forever.” Rain pleaded, “Promise me you’ll still be my friend at the very least. I promise I won’t ask for more than what you offer. I just don’t think I could live the rest of my life without you in it.”

Phayu was looking at him strangely.

It was a mix of horror, sorrow, and something else Rain couldn’t name.

Rain frowned.

“P’Phayu?” Rain asked, concerned. “Phi are you-”

“ Don’t .” Phayu ground out through heaving breaths. “ Don’t ask me if I'm okay after what you just said. Because I'm not. I’m not okay. This isn’t okay. Nothing about this is okay.”

“What?” Rain’s voice was weak.

“You just told me that the entire time we have been together you were expecting me to eventually leave you.” Phayu sounded so upset, so hurt.

Rain opened his mouth to say something, anything to fix whatever had upset his boyfriend but Phayu wasn’t done.

“This entire time I thought I had earned your trust. This entire time I thought you believed me when I said I loved you.” Phayu’s voice broke, “and in reality you don’t trust or believe in me at all.” 

A weak bitter laugh escaped Phayu and his hands went up to dig into his eyes again.

“ Fuck, ” Phayu choked out, “How the fuck did I screw up this badly? What did I do wrong? ”

“Nothing!” Rain cried, not knowing how Phayu could reach the conclusion that he had somehow done something wrong. “I do trust you! I do believe you! I know you love me!”

“How can you say that when you expect me to leave?!” Phayu demanded, ripping his hands away from his face and in his eyes was so much hurt. 

“Because feelings change P’Phayu!” Rain exclaimed, desperate to make his boyfriend understand. “Yes, you love me now! You show that everyday! But what about in five or ten years when I forget anniversaries or you bring me to your company events as your partner and all people can do is look at you with pity in their eyes because the great P’Phayu is with a dumbass-”

“Don't talk about yourself that way!” Phayu didn’t shout, but it was a near thing. “I don’t give a fuck what people think! I never have!”

Then Phayu was gripping Rain’s face in his hands.

“Baby, I know you expect everyone you love to leave but please try and trust me when I say what we have is never going to go away for me.” Phayu pleaded, “I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. And in five or ten years that love is only going to grow. I know this because it’s already happening. Everyday I love you more and more than I did the day before, and how much I feel for you- the way my entire soul lights up when you so much as look at me- that isn’t something that just goes away.”

Phayu swallowed thickly, and Rain was hanging on his every word. 

“You can’t know this because I haven't told you a lot about them but my family- we don’t trust easily. Being a Theerapanyakun means that naivety and trust are trained out of us from a very young age. The life my family leads is dangerous, and I’ll tell you more about that someday but for now all you need to know is that I have known from the time I was old enough to understand what betrayal felt like that I never wanted a partner.”

“I never wanted to trust someone only to have that trust be thrown back in my face-”

Phayu stopped, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths as he seemed to be struggling for words.

Then his eyes opened again, and the open adoration in them took Rain’s breath away.

“All of that changed the second I saw you. The second you got out of that car to hold an umbrella over me so I wouldn’t get wet even though you were getting wet yourself, I knew there was something about you that was different. I went home that night and immediately called my papa, because a part of me just knew you were it for me.”

“My dad, uncle Kinn, and uncle Kim are all married and very much in love with their husbands. And I knew from a very young age that the type of love my family has is different from any other marriage. Because we don’t love easily, but when we do- it’s with our entire soul. And I never understood what that meant until I met you.”

“So, no I will never leave you. I can’t . You are my one chance at love. Even if one day you leave me, there will never be anyone else. I’m not able to love anyone other than you. It’s you or no one.”

When Phayu was done talking all Rain could do was feel.

Hope, elation, fear, love- so much love.

Rain had spent his whole life expecting to never have anyone love him like Phayu did.

And that kind of expectation did terrible things for someone’s self worth.

But it was so hard not to look into Phayu’s eyes and know he meant every word.

It was the kind of devotion you read about in story books and watched in movies.

The kind that felt too good to be true.

The kind everyone wanted, but never got.

But looking back at their relationship- Phayu’s love had always been so much for Rain.

Phayu’s love for Rain was shown in every second they spent together. Like Phayu couldn’t hold it in any longer. Like he was overflowing with it.

Every time Rain had worried he was too much for his boyfriend, Phayu had surprised him.

Nothing made Phayu happier than when Rain was being one hundred and ten percent himself- his true self, not the watered down version of himself he had tried to portray at the start of their relationship.

The way Phayu doted on him endlessly, catering to his every whim while also keeping Rain in check with what was truly best for the architecture student.

It was the kind of love that to most people would be overwhelming. 

Suffocating.

Not to Rain.

No, to Rain it was the exact opposite. He reveled in Phayu’s attention and affection.

He was desperate for it. Would become despondent when without it for too long, something Phayu seemed to understand without Rain needing to explain it.

And suddenly, Rain realized how truly matched they were for each other.

While Phayu’s love was like an ever-growing mountain building higher and higher each day, Rain was like a bottomless pit, no matter how much of Phayu’s attention he received he always had room for more.

And slowly, Rain began to wonder.

Would it really be so impossible to imagine they were meant to last forever? 

Their needs were so uniquely matched. 

Phayu needed to lavish his partner with as much love and attention as he could.

Rain needed to be lavished with as much love and attention as possible. 

Phayu was someone who received great joy in taking care of Rain.

Rain was someone who was overjoyed to be taken care of by Phayu.

With Phayu’s guidance and care, Rain flourished.

With Rain’s acceptance of said guidance and care, Phayu found fulfillment.

Truly, nothing made Phayu happier than taking care of Rain.

“You really mean it,” Rain breathed softly, the realization taking his breath away. “We really are meant to be together.”

Phayu’s answering smile was small but so filled with adoration Rain couldn’t stop himself from beaming.

For the first time in Rain’s life, he allowed himself to believe in a future with someone.

A lifetime together flashed across Rain’s mind like a slideshow,

Moving in together. Rain meeting Phayu’s parents. Getting married. Having a family. Seeing the world side by side. Getting older together. 

Living his life with Phayu at his side.

Rain was overwhelmed by how much he wanted that life.

He was overwhelmed and overjoyed because that life was within his grasp.

“I love you.” Rain beamed down at Phayu.

“I love you too sweet boy,” Phayu smiled.