Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Raven hasn’t slept very well in a while, and like most things in her life, it’s Apple’s fault.

It starts on Legacy Day, after she didn’t sign her page, because of course it does. Most people can’t close their eyes for too long, lost in thought about the uncertainty of their futures, and Raven is no exception. Her brand new roommate, Apple White, isn’t helping. The phlegmy sobs rattle Apple’s lungs, but Raven’s soul. She didn’t think refusing to sign her life away to an eternity in misery and chains would upset her friend like this. Never in a million years did she expect anyone in her life to be angry about her wanting to be happy, but Apple usually found a way to upend all her foundations in a single moment.

Despite the dim magical glow, Raven can’t bring herself to glance at the clock. It doesn’t matter what time it is. No amount of magical earplugs (a total rip-off), blasting music, or even melatonin tablets can coax her into sleep. It isn’t the sound of Apple’s despair keeping her up, she realizes. It’s the guilt. Realistically, Raven knows that failing to poison Apple might keep her from ever becoming queen, but Apple can still live a happy life.

What shocks Raven the most isn’t when Apple finally stops crying—it’s what happens right after.

There’s a garbled sound from across the room, and Raven shoots up to make sure Apple hasn’t started drowning in her own saliva and tears. A quick blink to clear the crust from Raven’s eyes reveals Apple sitting upright, knees held close to her chest and mouth poised open like she has something to say. The sound is her attempt at speaking after sobbing for—the clock reads 4:09–nearly ten hours. She clears her throat a few times, something wet dislodging itself from her speech.

“Raven?”

The word is tender and quiet, secretive in its volume. There’s no one to overhear her.

Raven isn’t too sure how to respond, given that this is the first word Apple has spoken to her since the disruption to their whole lives. “Yeah?”

“Do you hate me?”

She should have known it would have been something asinine like this. Apple’s always been self-centered so of course she thinks this is about her and not Raven’s own life.

“Seriously? I just risked everything to keep from poisoning you.”

“But I wanted that, Raven. You know that. Why did you take it away from me?”

Fairy Godmother, if she knew Apple was gonna be this anal about it, she would have slept in the hallway. Raven rolls her eyes into the inky room, sighing hard to compose herself. This is probably hard for her, she reasons, thinking your entire life is going to fall apart.

“You can still get your happy ending. It’s not gone forever.”

It’s Apple’s turn to slowly empty her lungs. If her sigh were visible, it would flood the room with reds and golds with a touch of blue, curling in wisps around each corner. The weight of breath is heavy, Raven finds out, thick and potent and all-encompassing. In one resigned exhale, Apple has spread herself through every inch of Raven’s conscience, gnawing and gnashing.

She stands, padding on her toes over to Raven’s bed. On most nights, Apple puts her hair in curlers and places weird masks under her eyes. It’s some beauty thing she had explained once, giggling about how ‘the uglier you go to sleep, the prettier you wake up’ or something along those lines. Tonight, her eyes are puffy and red as her lips, parted to breathe. She sniffles as she sits on the end, tentative and yet heavy. Her blonde curls frizz from within a hair tie. She never wears her hair up. As the mattress dips beneath her weight, she finally looks Raven in the eye.

“I guess.”

In the moments between Raven blinking and Apple’s lingering hiccups, Apple had leaned forward and pressed her lips to Raven’s. They both stay perfectly still. Her cheeks squish momentarily against Raven’s, hands propping her up on the plush purple duvet. There is no deep stirring in Raven’s chest, nor a knee-jerk reaction to pull away. She doesn’t lean in and thread her fingers through Apple’s hair, but she doesn’t jump off the bed either. It might be the lack of sleep, the guilt freezing her in place, or some undiscovered desire. Whatever it is, Raven simply lets Apple kiss her on her bed after she ruined her life. She doesn’t think about Daring Charming, Apple’s future husband, nor does she think about Dexter Charming and his endearingly awkward stutter. Only a single thought crosses her mind: Apple White tastes like bitter almonds.

“Goodnight, Raven.”

She’s gone now, back in her bed, almost certainly armed with the knowledge that neither of them will be sleeping. On top of everything Raven has done today, now her restless mind lingers on something new.

Of course Apple’s lips are plump and soft. Cold, too, for some reason, which she hadn't been expecting. Not much happened, physically. Their lips stayed stationary, hardly even a muscle twitching. It’s the principle of the kiss itself that left Raven’s mind reeling. There’s no telling what it meant or what Apple could have been thinking. First she complains that Raven ruined her life, then she spends all night sobbing so loud the entire hall can hear, and for some reason, she kisses Raven? It doesn’t make sense. That’s usually Maddie’s thing, not Apple. Did she even have a plan when she did it, or was it a spur-of-the-moment decision?

Either way, when the following night rolls around, Raven has forgotten about it amidst the onslaught of other students and even the staff. Their routine is quiet. Apple doesn’t even sing to the birds as she brushes her hair. Raven keeps her eyes on the floor, plaiting her own purple strands to flow across her back. In the silence of it all, they manage to lay down in their own beds and turn the lights out. Like most good things, it only lasts a few moments.

“Raven?”

“Yeah?”

The lack of response coupled with the shuffling of socks against carpet makes Raven sit up. It isn’t long before a cold, pale hand cups her cheek and pulls her in for a sheepish kiss. The sinking bounce of a body on the mattress doesn’t come until after Raven places her palm atop Apple’s. Unlike the time before, their lips slide ever so slightly together, coming apart after a few seconds.

Raven opens her mouth, attempting to say something. While her brows furrow and eyes dart between Apple’s conflicted own, she blinks rapidly. Apple takes her parted lips as invitation, kissing her once more with greater confidence. It never verges into passion nor hunger. The quiet, understated laziness with which they exchange kisses would be sweet if not for the aftertaste of tragedy they touch one another with. Apple, with every swipe of her thumb on Raven’s cheekbone, truly wants the girl before her to try and kill her. Raven, with every exhale through her nose that tickles Apple’s upper lip, knows that the girl before her wants them to be enemies. Yet they kiss.

They break away at an hour too late in the night to be the night anymore, fully in the throes of early morning. Apple yawns the string of spittle from her mouth, wiping her lips with the back of her hand, and regresses to her own, unmussed bed. The alarm only blares once Raven finally shuts her eyes, dragging her into the oncoming day.

Chapter Text

It becomes their thing. During the day, they act the same as they always have, and Apple is heartlessly cruel with a loving smile on her face. When they click the door shut behind them at night, they find one another’s lips in a fluttering kiss that keeps them both up. The dark circles beneath Raven’s eyes should have a pair in Apple, but she uses a bright enough concealer to look normal. No one wonders why Apple is a bit more quiet and withdrawn. It’s no wonder she is, they whisper, Raven stole her chance at her happily ever after. Everyone wonders why Raven is losing sleep. She’s evil, they whisper, she should love to be ruining Apple’s life. 

There are some nights, admittedly, when Apple pulls back and Raven thinks it’s over. Her brilliant blue stare is so cold that it might just put Raven out of her misery for good. It doesn’t last (it never does) and Raven scoots back on her bed frame so she can sit upright even as Apple straddles her. Her subdued enjoyment of their little exchange grows something upon itself, a little bitter resentment on the shoulder of being content. Perhaps it stems from the fact that Apple doesn’t want to spend any time away from Raven. 

“I don’t get it, Ray, why won’t you eat lunch with us?” 

If she weren’t up the whole night without a wink of sleep–hell, she was even late to her spellcraft class because Apple refused to give her any room to breathe–Raven might have had the energy to scoff at such a stupid question. But she doesn’t, so she spends the full three seconds that it takes for the words to register just standing there, staring and blinking like a fool.

“I dunno, Apple, why don’t you tell me?” There’s a rasp and some venom behind the words, but it doesn’t tip anyone off. The snark in her comments could be chalked up to being evil, in some vague description of the word. She means to imply the sleepless nights, resignedly seating Apple in her lap. She always set her legs in the same direction like a lady riding a horse, because Fairy Godmother forbid she lose her reputation. Raven tiredly wonders what kind of reputation she wants to maintain with her face pressed against her supposed nemesis’. Blondie would certainly have a time with that story posting it all over the scrolls far and wide. With a widening of her eyes, she shakes the mean thoughts from her head, as if remembering all at once that she’s standing in the middle of the castleteria with a tray full of some spiraling fries. It’s about all she can stomach anymore. 

“C’mon, everyone knows I forgive you–that is, as long as you tell Headmaster Grimm you’ll sign your page.” Apple smiles so sickeningly sweet and honey-coated, as if she isn’t lying through her teeth. As if Raven’s tongue hasn’t been between those teeth, tasing the words ‘I hate you’ between the strike of midnight and noon. All her royal friends turn to Raven, as if to reluctantly agree. There’s a seat open anyway. The singular fry Raven managed down from the food line to Apple’s table threatens an appearance as Apple takes a bite from her namesake–bright red and bursting at the seams with juice. She watches with bated breath as the translucent liquid drips from Apple’s perfectly manicured hands down to her elbow. There was no poison in it, no. That stayed perfectly contained in her eyes. 

“I think I’m fine, princess. Enjoy your…” The sentence trails off behind Raven like her dress, leaving the air around the royals sour and ruined. There’s a respite waiting for her off on the far side of the vaulted room. Hunter saved her a spot at their usual table, but Raven has grown accustomed to Apple’s gaze, flinching when she turns around to spot the girl with a pout on her face. It’s almost ridiculous for her to feel upset, to feel at all sad at Raven for not sitting with them. She could stand there for ever after trying to find where she gets the right to do that, but she doesn’t want to do that. She wants to nap. And eat. 

After Raven chokes down a fry–that now tastes like sawdust–she tries hard to shake the feeling of eyes on her. The slightly chemical taste of the orange juice doesn’t help either. Hunter keeps waving his hand to get her attention, to ask if she’s okay, but she brushes him off. Somehow, she convinces him she’s just stressed and dumps her food on his tray before wandering out into the hall. She just needs a moment alone. It seems like there isn’t any time anymore for Raven to be by herself. Usually, she’s letting Apple bite her lip a little harder than strictly necessary.

The empty corridor is a gentle reprieve from the poison-green feeling of Apple looking at her. Being around her is suffocating, but there is no other option.

No, Raven tells herself, closing her eyes and finding solace in a small niche between the walls and the door to a classroom. She’s entirely hidden. This is not about Apple. For once, think about something else.  

So, Raven leans her head back and thinks about nothing. She stares at the almost black color of her eyelids, relishing in the slight movement of light where she traces her vision. It’s close to a night sky, she muses, drifting off in her own small peaceful place. It’s not comfortable, not by any means, but she can’t find sleep with Apple’s legs around her middle. 

Her peace doesn’t last long, and wouldn’t you know it–Apple’s at fault again.

“Raven, I noticed you running off. Are you doing okay?” Apple’s porcelain white hand rests on the corner of the wall. 

“There’s no one else around. You don’t have to pretend.” At the very least, Apple has the courtesy to sober up and drop the act. Much like every other attempt from Raven to sleep, it’s stopped by kissing. This one shocks Raven, much more than even the first one. Apple is supposed to be obsessed with Daring Charming, the kissing is nothing more than…well, Raven isn’t really sure what purpose it serves, but it happens and–

The sound of footsteps pulls Apple back, who straightens up and wipes a smudge of red lipstick off her chin. Raven belatedly follows suit, rubbing the red all along the inside of her shirt. Apple talks to whomever it may be. Raven can’t be bothered to pay attention. She can’t get the bitter taste out of her mouth, or blink the sleep from her eyes. Certainly, now, she has less of a clue why this is happening at all.