Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Narrator: Paintbrush

Baker: OJ

Baker's wife/husband: Paper

Red riding hood: Lightbulb

Repunzel: Test tube

Rapunzel's prince: Fan

Jack: Balloon

Jack's Mother: tea kettle

Witch: Candle

Wolf: Nickel

Cinderella: Cheesy

Cinderella's prince: Trophy

Stepsister's: Pepper and Salt(no shipping them in this sorry 😔)

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush, spoken]
Once upon a time—

[Cheesy]
I wish…

[Paintbrush, spoken]
—in a far-off kingdom—

[Cheesy]
More than anything...

[Paintbrush, spoken]
—lived a fair maid—

[Cheesy]
More than life...

[Paintbrush, spoken]
—a sad young lad—

[Cheesy]
More than jewels...

[Balloon]
I wish…

[Paintbrush, spoken]
—and a childless baker—

[Balloon]
More than life...

[Cheesy and OJ]
I wish…

[Paintbrush, spoken]
—with his husband

[Balloon]
More than anything...

[Cheesy, OJ & Balloon]
More than the moon

[Paper]
I wish…

[Cheesy]
The King is giving a Festival

[OJ]
More than life...

[Balloon]
I wish…

[Cheesy]
I wish to go to the Festival—

[OJ]
More than riches...

[Cheesy]
And the Ball…

[Balloon]
I wish my cow would give us some milk

[Cheesy & OJ]
More than anything...

[OJ]
I wish we had a child

[Paper]
I want a child...

[Everyone]
I wish!

Chapter Text

[Paper, spoken]
Why, come in little girl!

[Lightbulb]
I wish
It's not for me
It's for my Granny in the woods
A loaf of bread, please
To bring my poor old hungry
Granny in the woods
Just a loaf of bread, please

[Lightbulb]
Into the woods, it's time to go
I hate to leave, I have to though
Into the woods—it's time, and so
I must begin my journey

Into the woods and through the trees
To where I am expected, sir
Into the woods to Grandmother's house
Into the woods to Grandmother's house

[Paper, spoken]
Are you certain of your way?

[Lightbulb]
The way is clear
The light is good
I have no fear
Nor no one should
The woods are just trees
The trees are just wood
I sort of hate to ask it
But do you have a basket?

[Paper, spoken]
Now, don't stray and be late, alright?

[OJ, spoken]
You might save some of those sweets for Granny. Oh my—

[Paper, spoken]
Just leave it.

[OJ, spoken]
She's a thief!

[Lightbulb]
Into the woods and down the dell
The path is straight, I know it well
Into the woods and who can tell
What's waiting on the journey?

Into the woods to bring some bread
To Granny who is sick in bed
Never can tell what lies ahead
For all that I know she's already dead

But into the woods
Into the woods
Into the woods
To Grandmother's house
And home before dark

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush, spoken]
Jack on the other hand had no grandmother, and no father, and his mother—

[Tea kettle]
I wish

[Paintbrush, spoken]
Well, she was at her wit's end.

[Tea kettle]
I wish my son were not a fool
I wish my house was not a mess
I wish the cow was full of milk
I wish the walls were full of gold
I wish a lot of things
(spoken)
Listen well son. Milky white must be taken to market!

[Balloon, spoken]
But mother no! He's the best cow!

[Tea kettle, spoken]
SHE'S given us no milk for a week. We've no food no money and no choice but to sell her!

[Balloon, spoken]
But Milky-White's my best friend in the whole world!

[Tea kettle, spoken]
Look at her!
(sung)
There are bugs on her dugs
There are flies in her eyes
There's a lump on her rump
Big enough to be a hump
And no one keeps a cow for a friend!
(Spoken)
You're not to accept less than five pounds for her. Are you listening to me?

[Balloon, spoken]
Yes.

[Tea kettle, spoken]
How much are you to ask?

[Balloon, spoken]
No more than five pounds.

[Tea kettle, spoken]
Less than five!
Now go!

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush]
Because OJ had lost his mother and father in a baking accident.
Or at least that's what he believed.
He was eager to have a family of his own
And was concerned when all efforts until now have failed

*Knock at the door*

[Paper, spoken]
Who could that be?

[OJ, spoken]
It's the witch from next door!

[Paintbrush, spoken]
The old enchantress told the couple that she had placed a spell on their house

[OJ, spoken]
What spell?

[Candle, spoken]
In the past when our mother was with child, and she developed an unusual appetite. She took one look at my beautiful garden and she told your father that what she wanted more than anything in the world.
(sung)
Greens, greens, nothing but greens:
Parsley, peppers, cabbages and celery
Asparagus and watercress and
Fiddle ferns and lettuce—

He said, "All right,"
But it wasn't, quite
‘Cause I caught him
In the autumn
In my garden one night!
He was robbing me
Harassing me
Rooting through my rutabaga
Raiding my arugula and
Ripping up the rampion
My champion!
My favorite!

I should have laid a spell on him
Right there—
I could have turned him into stone
Or a dog...
Or a chair...

But I let him have the rampion
I'd lots to spare
In return, however
I said, "Fair is fair:
You can let me have the baby
That your wife will bear
And call it square"

[OJ, spoken]
I had a brother?

[Candle, spoken]
No. But, you had a sister

[Paintbrush, spoken]
But Candle refused to tell him more about his sister.
Only that her name was Test tube(weird family tree am I right?)

[Candle, spoken]
I thought I had been more than reasonable.
But how was I to know what your father had also hidden in his pocket.

[OJ, spoken]
What?

[Candle]
Bean.

[OJ & Paper]
Beans?

[Candle]
The special beans!
I let him go
I didn't know
He'd stolen my beans
I was watching him crawl
Back over the wall
When bang! Crash!
A lightning flash!

Well, that's another story
Never mind—

Anyway, at last
The big day came
I made my claim
"Oh, don't take away the baby,"
They shrieked and screeched
But I did
And I hid her
Where she'll never be reached

Your father cried
And your mother died
When for extra measure—
I admit it was a pleasure—
I said, "Sorry
I'm still not mollified"
And I laid a little spell on them—
You too, son—
That your family tree
Would always be
A barren one

Now there's no more fuss
And there's no more scenes
And my garden thrives—
You should see my nectarines!
But I'm telling you the same
I tell kings and queens:
Don't ever never ever
Mess around with my greens!
Especially the beans

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush]
Then Candle, for purposes of her own.
Explained how OJ might lift the spell

[Candle]
You wish to have the curse reversed?
I'll need a certain potion first
Go to the wood and bring me back
One: the cow as white as milk
Two: the cape as red as blood
Three: the hair as yellow as corn
Four: the slipper as pure as gold

Bring me these before the chime
Of midnight in three days' time
And you should have I guarantee
A child as perfect as child can be
(spoken)
Go to the wood!

[Stepmother, spoken]
Ladies, our carriage awaits.

[Cheesy]
Now may I go to the Festival?

[Salt & Pepper, spoken]
The Festival?
(sung)
You'd make us the fools of the Festival
And mortify the Prince

[Stepmother, spoken]
The King is trying to find his son a partner. Not a scullery maid. We must be gone! Go

[Cheesy]
I wish

[OJ, spoken]
Look what I found in father's hunting jacket.

[Paper, spoken]
Beans? Oh, these must be the witch's beans! We'll take them with us.

[OJ, spoken]
No you are not to come. And that is final.

[Paper, spoken]
You don't remember?
(sung)
The cow as white as milk
The cape as red as blood
The hair as yellow as corn
The slipper as pure as gold

[OJ]
The cow as white as milk
The cape as red as blood
The hair as yellow as corn
The slipper as pure as gold

[Paintbrush]
So OJ the baker reluctantly set off to meet the enchantresses demands.
As for Cheesy

[Cheesy]
I still wish to go to the Festival
But how am I ever to get to the Festival?

[Cheesy]
I know!
I'll visit Mother's grave
The grave at the hazel tree
And tell her I just want to
Go to the King's Festival

Chapter Text

[Everyone]
Into the without regret
The choice is made
The task is set

Into the woods but not forgetting why im on the journey
Into the woods to get my wish
I don't care how the time is now

[Tea kettle]
Into the woods to sell the cow!

[Balloon]
Into the woods to get the money!

[Paper]
Into the woods to lift the spell

[OJ]
To make the potion

[Cheesy]
To go to the Festival

[Lightbulb]
Into the woods to grandmother's house!
Into the woods to grandmother's house!!

[Everyone]
The way is clear
The light is good
I have no fear nor no one should

The woods are just trees
The trees are just wood
No need to be afraid there.

[OJ & Paper]
There's something in the glade there.

[Everyone]
Into the woods to get the thing
That's makes it worth the journeying
Into the woods

[Salt & Pepper]
To see the king!

[Balloon]
To sell the cow

[OJ & Paper]
To make the potion

[Everyone]
To see
To sell
To get
To bring
To make
To live

To go to the festival!

Into the woods!
Into the woods!

Into the woods then out of the woods.

And home before dark!

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush]
Cheesy had planted a branch at the grave of his mother
And he visited there so often, and wept so much
That his tears watered it until it had become a magnificent tree

[Cheesy]
I wish

[Mother]
What is it that you wish, child?
Do you know what you wish?
Are you certain what you wish is what you want?
Ask the tree
And you shall have your wish

[Cheesy]
Shiver and quiver little tree-
Silver and gold throw down on me!

I'm off to get my wish!

Chapter Text

[Nickel, spoken]
Good day, young lady.

[Lightbulb, spoken]
Good day, Mr. Wolf.

[Nickel, spoken]
Wither away so hurriedly?

[Lightbulb, spoken]
To my grandmother's

[Nickel, spoken]
And what might be in your basket?

[Lightbulb, spoken]
Bread and wine so grandmother will have something good to make her strong.

[Nickel, spoken]
And where might your grandmother live?

[Lightbulb, spoken]
Farther in the wood.
Her house stands under three large oak trees

[Nickel]
Hello, little girl
What's your rush?
You're missing all the flowers
The sun won't set for hours
Take your time

[Lightbulb]
Mother said
"Straight ahead"
Not to delay
Or be misled

[Nickel]
But slow, little girl
Hark! And hush—
The birds are singing sweetly
You'll miss the birds completely
You're traveling so fleetly

[Lightbulb]
Mother said
Not to stray
Still, I suppose
A small delay—
Granny might like
A fresh bouquet...
(spoken)
Goodbye, Mr. Wolf

Chapter Text

[OJ, spoken]
(Horrified)
Is harm to come to that little girl in the red cape?

*Candle appears*

[Candle, spoken]
Forget the little girl and get the cape
That's the cape get it!

[OJ, spoken]
How am I supposed to get it?

[Candle, spoken]
You go up to the little thing and you take it!

*Test tube singing in the distinct*

[Candle, spoke]
Aw my test tube!
Listen to her beautiful music!
Get me what I need!

*Candle leaves*

[OJ, spoken]
I'll never get that red cape.
Nor find a golden cow or a yellow slipper.
Or was it a golden slipper and a yellow cow
Oh no.

[Paper]
The cow as white as milk
The cape as red as blood
The hair as yellow as corn
The slipper as pure as-

[OJ, spoken]
What are you doing here?

[Paper, spoken]
You forgot your scarf...

[OJ, spoken]
You have no business being alone in the wood now go home immediately.

[Paper, spoken]
I wish to help!

[OJ, spoken]
No! The curse is on my home-

*Balloon walks by with Milky white*

[Paper]
A cow as white as.

[OJ & Paper]
Milk.

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush, spoken]
And OJ gave Balloon five beans in exchange for his cow, keeping one for himself.

[Balloon]
I guess this is goodbye, old pal
You've been a perfect friend
I hate to see us part, old pal
Someday I'll buy you back
I'll see you soon again
I hope that when I do
It won't be on a plate

*Balloon leaves*

[OJ, spoken]
Take the cow and go home!

[Paper, spoken]
I was trying to be helpful!

[OJ, spoken]
Magic beans!
Are we to dispel this curse through deceit?

[Paper]
If you know
What you want
Then you go
And you find it
And you get it—

[OJ, spoken]
Home.

[OJ, spoken]
Do we want a child or not?
(sung)
—And you give
And you take
And you bid
And you bargain
Or you live
To regret it

[OJ, spoken]
Will you please go home?

[Paper]
There are rights and wrongs
And in-betweens
No one waits
When fortune intervenes
And maybe they're really magic
Who knows?

[OJ, spoken]
Go home.
I'll carry this out in my own fashion.

Chapter Text

[Paintbrush, spoken]
As for Test tube, Candle was careful not to lose this beauty to the outside world
So she shut her in a doorless tower
And when the old enchantress paid a visit she called forth

*Test tube singing*

[Candle, spoken]
Test tube!
Lay down you hair to me!

[Fan, spoken]
Test tube.
What a strange but beautiful name
And fit for a prince
Tomorrow before that horrible witch arrives
I will stand before her window
Ask her to let down her hair.
To me!

Chapter Text

[OJ, spoken]
Hello there little one. Where did you get that beautiful cape
I so admire it.

[Lightbulb, spoken]
My granny made it for me.

[OJ, spoken]
Is that so?
I would love a red cloak like that

[Lightbulb, spoken]
You'd look pretty foolish.

[OJ, spoken]
May I take a look at it.

[Lightbulb, spoken]
I don't like not having my cape with me for long.
Please give it back..

[Candle's voice]
Forget the little girl and get the cape!

*OJ suddenly dashes off with the cape. Lightbulb stands there numb for a moment before letting out a bloodcurdling scream and hysterical sobbing. OJ comes back and puts the cape on her shoulders*

[OJ, spoken]
I... Just wanted to make sure you really love that cape.
Now go to your ganny's and make sure no wolf comes your way.

[Lightbulb, spoken]
I'd rather a wolf than you any day!

*Stomps on OJ' foot*

[OJ, spoken]
Ow!
(Sung)
If you know what you need
Then you go and you find it and you take it.
Do I want a child or not?
Things are only what you need them for
What's important is who needs them more.
I need that cape!

[Paintbrush, spoken]
And so OJ with new found determination went after the red cape
As for lightbulb she was surprised to find her grandmother's door standing open.

Chapter Text

[Lightbulb, spoken]
Grandmother?

[?, spoken]
Come closer darling.

*Lightbulb let's out a loud scream*

[OJ, spoken]
What was that?

*Enters the house and sees the sleeping wolf*

Aha I'll get the cape from within you!

*OJ cuts into the wolf and Lightbulb and her granny pop out*

[Granny, spoken]
Kill the devil!

[Lightbulb, spoken]
Granny!

[Granny, spoken]
Shush child.

[OJ, spoken]
I'll just leave you both.

[Granny, spoken]
Don't you want the skins?

[OJ, spoken]
No thank you.

[Granny, spoken]
What kind of a hunter are you?

[OJ, spoken]
I'm a baker!

[Granny, spoken]
Help me with this then.

*OJ and granny move the bed into another room*

[lightbulb]
Mother said, "Straight ahead"
Not to delay or be mislead
I should have headed her advice
But he seemed so nice

And he showed me things
Many beautiful things
That I hadn't thought to explore
They were off my path
So I never had dared
I had been so careful
I never had cared
And he made me feel excited
Well, excited and scared

When he said, "Come in!"
With that sickening grin
How could I know what was in store?
Once his teeth were bared
Though, I really got scared
Well, excited and scared

But he drew me close
And he swallowed me down
Down a dark slimy path
Where lie secrets that I never want to know

And I know things now
Many valuable things
That I hadn't known before

Do not put your faith
In a cape and a hood
They will not protect you
The way that they should

And take extra care with strangers
Even flowers have their dangers
And though scary is exciting
Nice is different than good

Now I know: Don't be scared
Granny is right, Just be prepared
Isn't it nice to know a lot!

And a little bit not

[OJ, spoken]
I'll be off then.

[Lightbulb, spoken]
Wait!

*Hands him the cape*

To say thank you for freeing us from that wolf!
I'm sure granny will make me a new one from the skins!

[OJ, spoken]
T-thank you.

[Paintbrush, spoken]
And so OJ with his second article in hand
Feeling braver and more satisfied then he had ever felt
Ran back through the woods

As for Balloon.

Chapter Text

[Paper, spoken]
What a beautiful gown you're wearing!
Were you at the kings festival?

[Cheesy, spoken]
Yes...

[Paper, spoken]
Aren't you a lucky one!
If a prince were looking me I definitely wouldn't hide!
Tell me about the ball!

[Cheesy]
It's a very nice ball

[Paper, spoken]
And—?

[Cheesy, spoken]
And—

[Cheesy]
They have far too much food...

[Paper, spoken]
No the Prince!

[Cheesy, spoken]
Oh, the Prince...

[Paper, spoken]
Yes, the Prince!

[Cheesy]
If he knew who I really was...

[Paper, spoken]
Oh? Who?

[Cheesy]
I'm afraid I was rude

[Paper, spoken]
Oh? how?

[Cheesy]
Now I'm being perssued...

[Paper, spoken]
Yes? and?

[Cheesy]
And I'm not in the mood.

[Paper, spoken]
What I wouldn't give to be in your shoes

[Cheesy, spoken]
Will you look over there?
An enormous beanstalk growing next to that little cottage!

[Paper, spoken]
I mean slippers as pure as gold!

[Cheesy, spoken]
I must get home!

[Paper, spoken]
Wait!
I need your shoes!