Archive of Our Own ^beta

1

Come right on me, I mean camaraderie

Peter Parker was good at a lot of things. Ask him to build a machine from a box of dumpster scraps, he could do it. Ask him to analyze an obscure cockroach that has potential life-saving properties, even though said analysis just consisted of staring at an insect for hours (not that he’d ever complain, there were worse things his current internship could be requiring him to do), he'd put on a smile and drink way too much caffeine to stay alert. Ask him to take on twenty goons, he’d do it with a shit ton of quips and probably a few minor injuries. Even ask him to hear a man singing in the shower two blocks away, he would begrudgingly agree before singing along to "Toxic" with said man.

What Peter Parker wasn’t good at was flirting. 

It really didn’t make sense. As Peter Parker sure, the anxiety and overall nerves of existing in front of other people, let alone flirting, tended to overwhelm him. But as Spider-Man? He’s talked to literal Avengers and aliens, faced the evilest and not-so-eviliest villains in the city. 

But ask him to just say "You look good" to a stranger and Peter loses his mind. Literally.

Which is why this whole crushing-on-Deadpool thing was bad. Really bad. Really really bad.

Peter would make sure to remind himself of said fact every time before their patrols, repeating it like a mantra as he swung closer and closer to their designated meeting rooftop. But then he’d land and take one look at Deadpool and forget why exactly it was bad. It was just a little crush and who wouldn’t have a crush on Deadpool? The suit left little (yet so much to the imagination) and so sure, Peter maybe stared a few seconds too long at times. Sue him (actually don’t, he really didn’t have the money for a lawsuit).

Like currently, they were taking a break from patrol to indulge in some tacos from a Mexican street vendor Deadpool loved. Wade was telling a story about a job where he had to climb up fifty flights of stairs because the elevators didn’t work. And it was a perfect opportunity to openly stare because it would be rude not to pay close attention to someone speaking and Aunt May would kill Peter if he didn’t have manners.

Peter was totally paying attention to what Wade was saying. Totally not staring at Deadpool’s lips, which were slightly curved into a smile that fit perfectly with Wade’s well-defined jawline. Let alone Wade’s cheeks, what Peter wouldn’t give to run his fingers over the skin, to gently smooth over the scars before moving his fingers up to explore, to finally see Wade’s eyes before moving his fingers back down to Wade’s mout-

Nope. Nope nope nope. Not now. This was just a nice dinner break between friends.

Sure, Deadpool loved to be flirty towards Peter. But that was just Deadpool. Peter was the one trying to read into it, even though he knew it was not real. He’s accepted that and sure, sometimes he repeated the words Wade would say to him in his head a little too much but Wade didn’t have to know that.

Nope, they were platonic with a capital P. Which was totally fine. 

Peter focused back on the story, forcing himself to keep his eyes firmly on Deadpool’s masked eyes.

“-so I made it to the top and almost cut off my own legs too instead of just the drug traffickers. I called their customer complaints office after and was a total Karen. But seriously, way to not be ADA accessible.”

Wade gestured toward Peter’s web shooters. “If I had myself a pair of those babies I could’ve swung to the top. Saved me and them some legs.”

Peter laughed. “It’s kind of hard to climb buildings, even with webs, without the stickiness part.”

“That problem could be solved easily. All I’d have to do was look at a picture of the back of your suit.”

This kind of flirting Peter could handle. “Cause of my-“

“Your voluptuous ass,” Wade confirmed with a serious nod.

Peter smirked. “Voluptuous?”

“I’m expanding my vocabulary. Speaking of things expanding…”

Peter rolled his eyes and moved to stand, stretching his arms. “We should probably get going. I can just feel that someone is about to try and break into an ATM.”

Deadpool followed, standing excitedly. “Hell yeah! Gotta love ATM robberies. The sheer lack of ingenuity and smell of guaranteed failure helps me rest easier at night.”

Peter started grabbing their trash when Wade suddenly grabbed his arm, halting his movements.

“Spidey how could you!”

Peter blinked, confused. “What?”

Wade shook his head dramatically. “You almost threw away a perfectly good churro. I’m pretty sure that would’ve broken reality.”

Peter relaxed slightly. “Oh yeah. I forgot about it.”

The street vendor had given them two churros for free. Wade had eaten his almost immediately, but Peter had decided to wait and eat actual food first (another May engravement into his body). But he’d forgotten about said churro in favor of staring at Wade, so now it was probably not as soft and warm as it would’ve been thirty minutes ago.

Deadpool grabbed said churro, letting go of Peter’s arm (which he wasn’t disappointed about, no way) and holding the churro up into the air. “I will save you from this heathen.”

Before Peter could say a word, Wade was biting into said churro. It didn’t seem Wade minded that the churro wasn’t fresh. 

Peter honestly shouldn’t have been surprised that Wade wouldn’t eat a churro exactly normally. He’d seen the man put M&Ms on pizza before. But Peter never would’ve expected to watch Wade lick the sugar off the churro.

Which wasn’t that weird necessarily. But Peter with his freaky, fucked up brain was making it weird. All he could do was stare at Wade’s tongue as it ran along the churro, licking the sugar off. He was frozen, unable to look away no matter how hard he tried. The suit suddenly felt too hot and so did Peter. Meanwhile, Wade continued licking the churro, completely oblivious to Peter’s internal struggle.

“Come right on me,” Peter’s brain slipped out involuntarily.

Wade looked up at him, mouth full. “What?”

Peter’s floundered, horrified. “Camaraderie! I said camaraderie. It’s so cool that we’re such good friends. Like you can eat my churro if you want. I mean, if I ever need you to eat my churro.”

Deadpool’s masked eyes squinted slightly. “That sounds like an innuendo.”

Peter almost choked on literal air. “I meant an actual churro. You know, dough and sugar and… stuff. Fried and shaped into a… shape. And eaten by people. A lot of different people. Like me. And you right now. Cause I forgot about mine and you’re now eating it so it doesn’t go to waste.”

Wade remained silent, continuing to stare. Peter meanwhile wanted to crawl into a hole and emerge a few decades from now. 

Suddenly a snort came from Wade, which soon turned into full-blown laughter. “I’m just messing with ya, Spidey.”

Peter breathed for what felt like the first time in hours. “Oh.”

Deadpool wiped an imaginary tear from his masked eyes. “But wow, if I would’ve known it would be that easy to tongue-tie you, I would’ve done it sooner. You look like a tomato.”

Peter pulled his mask down, having forgotten that he’d pulled it halfway up to eat. Of course, Wade would’ve been able to see him blush. He could never catch a break ever.

Wade patted his shoulder lightly. “It’s okay, baby boy. Your first innuendo is always rough, but it does get better. I can give you some advice if-“

“That won’t be necessary,” Peter immediately responded, resuming the task of picking up the trash.

Wade nodded. “I understand. You want to leave the innuendos to me. I know it’s intimidating to be in the presence of an innuendo master. Someday maybe you’ll have the courage to try again. And when that day comes I’ll be here, legs and arms open and ready to receive.”

Before Peter could even begin to respond to that, he was saved by the glorious sound of a man grunting (not like that) and metal against some kind of whirring machine. 

Peter straightened his posture to look more serious. “ATM robbery. A block away.”

Deadpool’s eyes crinkled up from a smile. “I’m sleeping good tonight.”

And as they headed toward the robber, Peter couldn’t help but think about how he most definitely would not be sleeping good tonight and would instead be thinking about the past ten minutes the entire night.

2

Said you’re not in my time zone but you want to be

Peter’s computer shined brightly in contrast to the dark bedroom. He was working on editing the research presentation he was supposed to give to Dr. Brooks. All it was an update on everything he’d learned studying the cockroach. So needless to say he only had five slides, and one of them was the title slide with a picture of the cockroach from SpongeBob eating a Krabby Patty beside it.

It was after two in the morning but he really needed to get an actual presentation together. But after staring at the words for so long that they started to look unrecognizable, Peter knew he needed a break. He grabbed his phone and was about to scroll through Instagram when he decided to go a different route.

Wade was in Tokyo for a job. A "no unaliving" job as the man had reassured many times before leaving. He’d been gone for a few days now, and Peter was missing their patrols and just even seeing Deadpool. He had stopped another ATM robbery and couldn’t stop thinking about Wade. Okay, maybe it wasn’t just the ATM robbery that made him unable to think of anything but Wade.

So sending a text to inform Deadpool that he missed out was only right. It was three PM in Tokyo and it wasn’t that weird that Peter was texting him so late (early?) his time. They’d had late-night text chains before. Peter opened his messages finding ‘DP ⚔️🔫💥🌮🍑🥵🦄🌈’ (Wade had added the emojis).

Robbers: 0

ATM: 3

Only a few seconds later Wade had replied.

nooooo i missed one?

Yeah

:(

I’m sorry :(

at least tell me the guy left a dent? even a teeny tiny one?

No

He ended up hitting himself in the face with the crowbar he was using trying to pry it open

goddamnit

Yeah by the time I got there he’d knocked himself out

wish i was there 2 see that

It wasn’t that interesting. Just a knocked-out wannabe criminal

those are the best kind tho

I guess

How’s your job going?

i forgot how boring recon jobs are

not that i want to be out unaliving people

but maybe something a little more interesting than staring through a tiny window from a closet for hours

seems kinda homophobic to force me back into the closet

and rn these people are just playing cards without betting money or anything fun

Wait you’re working right now?

always on the grind bb

wish i wasn’t though

would much rather be in your timezone stopping knocked-out criminals with u

Peter felt a blush creep onto his cheeks. Wade would rather be back in New York with him. But that was also over watching criminals play cards, so it wasn’t really much of an upgrade.

But still, Deadpool wanted to be with him rather than work, which the man had always taken seriously. Peter thought of a lot of different responses to that message. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or the giddiness he felt over Wade’s message, but a newfound courage entered him.

If Deadpool could flirt with Spider-Man, why couldn’t Spider-Man flirt with Deadpool?

Where art thou? Why not uponeth me?

Wade doesn’t respond as quickly. Peter felt himself lose a bit of confidence.

is that from shakespeare?

i kind of stopped listening to the plot of r&j after mercutio was killed

fuck william for killing the it girl of the play

just so people wouldn’t be sus over him and romeo

Peter stared at the messages, not knowing whether to feel relieved that Wade hadn’t even realized he was flirting. Or to feel embarrassed that Wade hadn’t even realized he was flirting. Guess it was a sign that he should just give up now before the flirting actually comes across. Or maybe he should just be a little bit more obvious. 

Fuck it, he thinks before typing.

Mercutio dying didn’t really even stop that

I mean they really are OG friends to lovers

And you know friends to lovers is like the best trope

omg you’re so right

like monica and chandler

or andrew and margaret ;)

Nope. Peter was giving up. He was destined to fail from the start. 

Andrew and Margaret?

the people who know know

Okay…

how do you know me so well bb?

Peter thought of a million responses he could give to that (many that would qualify under sexting probably) but he’d already given up trying to flirt. It was a stupid idea anyway. He’d just continue to replay these interactions in his mind, thinking about if they would’ve happened a little differently (if he’d had the courage to actually flirt and be hot).

I just do

well i’m glad you do :)

Me too :)

soooo

what u doing up at 2 am?

I was working on a presentation for my internship

the unpaid one?

It’s entry-level before you get an official position. They are really picky so I was lucky

you call doing unpaid labor lucky?

wait who am i kidding of course you do

It’s not bad 

r u still staring at cockroaches all day?

...

Maybe

spideyyyyyyy

there’s only one kind of cock you should be staring at

Peter practically threw the phone down, cursing when it hit his computer and a loud banging sounded through the room. It was definitely an overreaction, but he really hadn't expected Deadpool to say that .

After a moment of stunned silence, he picked up the phone, seeing that Wade had sent more messages.

i’ll give you a hint

it’s spelled

w

a

d

I don’t need a hint DP 

u sure?

I’m sure

fine

but you should tell your boss you need more stimulating work

or else i may have to hire u to do some

and i'd definitely pay ;)

Peter was glad Wade was thousands of miles away and couldn't see how red he was.

If this presentation goes well then I should be getting a full-time position

paid?

Yup

well then don’t let me distract you

go get them big bucks spidey!!!

I’ll try

And you focus on your recon

goddamnit

i totally forgot i’m supposed to be checking in on the peeps

oh fuckballs

What’s wrong?

there’s like a whole orgy going down 

and without me which is just rude

i guess the cards really made them horny

sorry spidey gtg and take some pics

i’ll send you some if you want

doesn’t have to be the orgy ;)

Peter would never in a million years own up to how much he wanted to say yes.

I’m good 

Good luck though

you too bb!

blow your boss's brain with your cockroach knowledge

i want 2 see chunks splattered on the walls

No promises

see you on the other side 🫡

Peter looked up from his messages with a sigh. He really was hopeless. 

But for now, cockroaches.

(Wade was right, he was definitely more interested in another type)

3

Who’s the cute guy with the wide, blue eyes and the big bad mm?

Peter stared at the millions of ice cream flavors, feeling way more overwhelmed than he should be. It was just ice cream, it shouldn’t take him ten minutes to decide on the flavor. But he also wanted it to be perfect.

Tonight he and Wade were celebrating Peter getting a permanent, paid job. His cockroach presentation had gone surprisingly well (his boss had even laughed at the SpongeBob picture he’d ended up keeping). No longer would he have to stare at insects.

Now he would have to stare at arachnids. His first project was to analyze spiders and their venom to try and create new medicines. Peter had tried to argue against it but then one of the spiders that was supposed to be very aggressive literally crawled into his hand as if it was giving him permission to study it. So Peter was stuck (pun intended) on spider duty.

Peter knew Wade was going to lose his mind when he told the man. A part of him didn’t want to. But the other part of him thought the whole thing was actually hilarious and wanted to share the joke with the only other person who’d understand his situation.

So yeah, he had to choose the perfect ice cream flavor. Deadpool always took food very seriously and he didn’t want to mess this up. Peter knew he was definitely overthinking this, but that was kind of his job.

Peter moved his hand out, ready to open one of the freezer doors to inspect the Spider-Mallow closer (was buying an ice cream flavor named after yourself too narcissistic, even if it was delicious and he knew Wade liked it?), when somebody suddenly bumped into his side. 

Peter looked up at the culprit, ready to say something before freezing. The person that had bumped into him, a man, was the most muscular man he’d ever seen. Even though the man was almost completely covered (sweats and a black hoodie), he practically was bursting out of the clothing. Seriously, the guy’s muscles might have even rivaled Deadpool’s (might).

And then there was the man's eyes. A bright, all-encompassing blue that seemed to stare into Peter’s soul. He felt transfixed in their gaze, suddenly completely forgetting why he was buying ice cream or even in the grocery store in the first place. Peter wished he could see the rest of the man’s face, but between the hood over his head and the face mask, it would be up to his imagination to fill in the rest.

“Sorry,” the man mumbled an apology, in a gravely deep voice that Peter wished to hear more of.

“All good,” Peter responded in a daze.

The man stood beside him, also analyzing the ice cream choices, before seemingly spotting one. The man looked back at him for a few seconds in silence, definitely now staring into his soul.

“Can I?”

Peter suddenly realized his hand was still on the freezer door and quickly removed it, stepping back with a blush. “Oh yeah. Sorry.”

Peter watched the man open the door and lean down slightly to reach whatever flavor. And resolutely tried to not stare at the man’s thighs and imagine how they’d crush him, enhanced strength or not. The man returned from the freezer with a tub of Spider-Mallow.

Peter nodded in approval. “Good choice.”

The man looked back at him, cocking his head to the side slightly. “Spider-Mallow’s the best.”

The pair stared at one another for a few seconds, and Peter knew the guy was about to leave and he’d probably never see him again. Which… maybe he could use that to his advantage. 

Peter knew he sucked at flirting. This was the perfect chance to practice with no real consequences. If he failed he’d never have to see the guy again and he’d spend the night eating ice cream with Deadpool and forget all about it (hopefully). Or maybe he’d succeed and get the guy's number and he could move on from Wade. 

It was after Peter decided to go with it that he realized the man had turned and was about to walk away.

“I like your eyes,” Peter blurted out.

The man froze and slowly turned around. “What?”

“I said I like your eyes. They’re pretty. You’re pretty.”

The man blinked, eyes wide. “You think I’m pretty?”

Peter frowned slightly, the anxiety starting to make itself known. “Uh, yeah?”

The man’s eyes crinkled up as if he was smiling under the face mask (god, Peter wished he could see it). “You’re cute. Keep it up.”

And then the man was walking away, leaving a stunned Peter by the freezers, still without ice cream. Well, that hadn’t worked. And he bet he looked like a tomato right now. It wasn’t every day someone was calling him cute, or at least not Peter Parker.

Peter ultimately decided just on vanilla, knowing Wade was going to make fun of his plain taste but not caring. He wanted to get home and process the past five minutes before playing Mario Kart. He needed to have his head in the game (they both took Mario Kart very seriously).

So Peter went home and took a shower, hoping to wash away the shock and the entire conversation. And later on that night, when he was cursing at Wade for using a blue shell, tubs of empty Spider-Mallow and vanilla ice cream in front of them, and Wade’s shoulder occasionally touching Peter’s due to his hulking form, Peter knew he’d forget about Pretty Grocery Guy (as he officially had named him).

But Deadpool? Not so much.

4

How you pick me up, pull ‘em down, turn me ‘round. Oh, it just makes sense

Peter dodged the punch easily, shooting a web to attach the criminal to the wall. Before he could even breathe, another guy was attacking, this time with a knife. He rolled his eyes before knocking the knife from his hand and webbing Knife Guy right next to Punch Guy.

He glanced over to check how Deadpool was doing, watching him use his katanas to leave small yet painful cuts on the criminal's knees, effectively taking them out of the fight. And yet the men kept trying to tackle Wade, which was basically like a fly trying to take on an elephant.

It was seriously amateur hour in this warehouse. The only reason Peter and Wade were even still fighting was because of the only advantage the goons all had: numbers. It seemed for every guy they took down, five more would replace them. Peter was seriously over this fight.

The goons were creeping into his and Wade’s post-patrol hangout time, which Peter didn’t appreciate. They were supposed to watch Mean Girls, which of course Peter had seen before, but not with Wade who always made every movie ten times more fun. 

So, Peter was very much annoyed. He started to web every guy that just looked at him, not even bothering to let them get a punch or two in. Five minutes later, it seemed everyone was unhappily webbed up like usual. 

Peter turned back to Deadpool, who was now staring at him, wide-eyed.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“That was so hot.”

Peter scoffed lightly and headed toward the door. “Let’s get out of here.”

Deadpool followed, sheathing his katanas. “I’ve never seen you so thwippy before.”

“I’m ready to see Rachel McAdams.”

Wade paused. “Wait, wait, wait. You just did all that just so we could watch Mean Girls sooner?”

“Like I said, I want to see Rachel McAdams. And Jonathan Bennett.”

Deadpool took that in. “Understandable. But still, damn.”

Once they were outside, Peter aimed his webshooter toward the top of the building. But nothing happened. He tried it again, and still, nothing. He looked down at the cartridge, finding it empty.

Peter groaned. “Shit.”

Wade looked at him, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m out of webs. I didn’t think I’d need so many so I didn’t bother refilling it before patrol.”

Wade relaxed, waving his hand nonchalantly. “It’s all good, baby boy.”

“It really isn’t all good, DP. We’re miles away from your apartment and now we can’t swing there. And I don’t think we’re going to find a cab in the middle of nowhere. So we have to walk which will take forever.”

Deadpool was quiet for a moment before his eyes widened and he suddenly perked up. Oh no.

“I got it! I’ll carry you!”

“What?” Peter choked out, surprised.

“I’ll carry you. I’m a fast walker. We’ll be at my place in no time.”

Peter laughed. “You’re not going to carry me. I can walk just fine.”

“It will be faster.”

“Then why don’t I carry you?”

Wade chuckled. “I have no doubt you could bench press double my weight, baby boy. But I’m not exactly as easy to carry as a weight. You’re like half my size. I don’t think you’d be able to see over my torso.”

Peter knew Wade was right. “I guess.”

“Come on Spidey! We could’ve been halfway there by now if you’d just say yes.”

Peter sighed. He knew he was only really fighting this because being so close to Wade was bound to bring up feelings. But at this point, anything Wade did brought up feelings.

“Screw it.”

Deadpool squealed in excitement. “Oh em gee! This is about to be the best day of my life.”

“I will take it back,” Peter warned.

Wade grabbed his waist. “No take-backsies.”

Before Peter could protest, Deadpool was picking him up and carrying him, bridal style. 

“Can’t you carry me some other way?”

“Nope,” Deadpool, replied, popping the p.

Peter groaned, rubbing his temple through the mask. “This is so embarrassing.”

“We can act like you’re seriously injured if you want. I play a good ‘Worried Husband' and I can cry on cue.”

“It’s fine. I’ll live.”

Peter wouldn’t lie, Deadpool was right. The man was a pretty fast walker. Wade didn’t even sound like he was breaking a single sweat, his heartbeat and breathing completely stable.

Wade was also right about being… large. Peter felt small in the man’s arms, completely swamped by muscles. Muscles that were bulging slightly more than normal to firmly hold onto his weight. And not only was it the muscles, but the warmth. Wade was basically a heater, and Peter found himself yearning for it, for the warmth his own body could never achieve. All he wanted to do was curl up into the warmth and muscles, to stop trying to keep as much distance as possible (which was basically none).

But… why should he fight against it? Shouldn’t he take advantage of this moment?

Peter forced his body to relax slightly, testing the waters. When Deadpool didn’t say anything, he felt a spark of encouragement within him. Enough that he stopped trying to hold his head up and instead leaned it against Wade’s chest, immediately feeling the warmth even stronger. 

Deadpool initially tensed slightly but quickly relaxed. They continued their trek in silence for a few minutes. Peter could feel Wade’s gaze on him and felt something in the air, but he didn’t know what.

Wade cleared his throat. “So, Rachel McAdams. She looks a lot like Dr. Strange's situation-ship, doesn’t she?”

Peter finally looked up at Wade. “How do you know about Dr. Strange’s love life?”

“I have my ways.”

Peter’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t comment. Instead, he found himself burrowing closer to Wade, the heat feeling nice. While it wasn’t snowing cold, there was still a chill in the air. And even the wisp of cold was enough for Peter to lose feeling in his fingers.

“All good?”

Peter hummed. “You're warm. Feels nice.”

Wade chuckled, and Peter was barely able to stop himself from making a very not platonic noise as the vibrations ran across his body from the sound.

Instead, Peter focused as Deadpool started to tell a story about a job where he had to follow a hitman whose hobby was to run and also happened to be training for a marathon. Wade had to run for miles and once he got the information he needed he ended up breaking the guy's legs. Peter wanted to ask why so many of Wade’s stories ended with broken legs but also didn’t feel like moving or speaking. 

Peter felt like he could fall asleep right then in Wade’s arms without any worries. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so safe and secure, the last time he was held like this. It was really nice.

It also reminded him of the dream he had last night about Wade. He’d had a few dreams about Wade, most of them he allowed himself to think about briefly once waking up (mostly to deal with what those dreams tended to cause) and then try and shred from his mind. 

But then there were the ones like last night, ones that were soft and sweet. Peter had dreamed of laying in bed with Wade, cuddling in his arms and feeling content. Those dreams also tended to hurt more, as when he’d wake up alone and cold he would feel lonelier than normal.

All of this was so strange. Before meeting Deadpool, he’d never really seen himself being with someone. Sure, he always hoped he’d meet someone special and get the chance. But he knew his relationships would always be destined to fail because of Spider-Man.

Wade was different. He knew Spider-Man rather than Peter Parker. And he was also unkillable, unlike literally everyone else Peter has ever cared about and tended to lose. 

But they had known each other for years now. Deadpool trusted him, and Peter trusted Deadpool. He’d help Wade become a hero, to stop killing people. He was so proud of Wade and he never wanted to take advantage of the man. Or ruin their friendship.

So he would continue to push the feelings away, occasionally indulging himself a little in Wade’s touch and voice and flirting and looks. Nothing more than that.

They reached Wade’s apartment in record time. Deadpool slowly moved to put him down, and Peter immediately began stretching before his legs could fall totally asleep. 

Peter nudged Wade slightly on the arm. “Thanks.”

Deadpool nudged him back. “No problemo, Spidey. You ready to watch some bitchy high schoolers?”

Peter smiled. “Definitely.”

5

And I bet it’s even better than in my head

Blood. 

That was the first thing Peter noticed when he looked down at his chest. A lot of it.

“Fuck,” Peter gritted out, immediately shooting a web over the wound and pressing his hand on it with a hiss.

Peter didn’t know how he had missed the gun. His spidey sense was always loud when guns were involved, but it hadn’t alerted him until a second before the guy had shot him. Or maybe it had and he had been distracted. That made more sense.

The patrol had been pretty quiet. He and Deadpool had mostly been hanging on rooftops, the conversations flowing easily as they always did. But their light tones and smiles had ceased the moment Peter heard a group of men threatening a kid in an alley a few blocks away. It sounded like it was just a dispute and threats at the moment, but disputes tended to evolve into something else. Something way worse.

They were off immediately, Peter not hesitating in immediately dropping in, webbing a knife out of one of the guy's hands. There were five of them surrounding the poor teenager, who was wide-eyed and shaking. Wade followed, sucker-punching one of the other guys hard in the face.

The kid immediately ran once the men were occupied, which Peter didn’t blame him for. Peter webbed Knife Guy (he needed better names, he had way too many Knife Guys) to the wall, before looking back to check on Deadpool. Three of the guys had immediately moved to fight Wade (which, rude), and were losing badly. Peter watched, entranced by how Wade moved when he fought, the amount of pure muscle on display.

If Peter hadn’t been staring at Deadpool’s muscles (again), he would’ve noticed his elementary-level math mistake. There were five men: three guys fighting Wade and one webbed to the wall. Which left one missing. 

One that was able to swiftly pull out a gun in Peter’s distracted state and shoot. A gun Peter hadn’t even known the man possessed because his spidey sense was a bitch like that sometimes.

So yeah, that’s how Peter got shot.

Deadpool immediately snapped his attention to Peter at the sound. Even the guys Wade had been fighting stopped at the noise. Everyone was staring at Peter, and he hadn’t realized he could feel more uncomfortable. The staring was almost worse than the pain. Almost.

Peter looked away, focusing on trying to stay standing when his legs were beginning to feel like jelly. He looked back down at the web-covered wound, seeing that the blood was tinging it pink and would start soaking through soon. That probably wasn’t good.

Suddenly Deadpool was in front of him. “Spidey? Can you hear me?”

Peter cocked his head sideways slightly, his brain feeling slightly fuzzy. “Why wouldn’t I hear you? Enhanced senses, remember.”

Wade was looking at the injury. “Shit. Why didn’t you move?”

Peter snorted. “You think I wanted to get shot? I almost made it four months without getting shot. It was going to be a new record.”

Deadpool blinked. “Okay. I’m going to pick you up.”

Peter wanted to protest, but he didn’t think his legs were going to function much longer. So he let Wade take him in his arms and tried to hold on as tight as he could while Wade began to speed walk somewhere, passing four unconscious forms. Peter settled in pretty easily, the warmth feeling even better than it had before. The fuzzy feeling was growing stronger, and he knew it was from the blood loss. 

“Where are we going?” Peter asked while still a little lucid.

“My place. It’s a fifteen-minute walk normally. But I’ll make it half that.”

“But half of fifteen is seven point five. How are you going to walk point five?” Peter replied with a frown (okay maybe he wasn’t that lucid).

Wade glanced down at him, concerned. “Okay. I’ll make it seven. The way you're talking you need to be there sooner anyway.”

Peter didn’t understand that but found he didn’t really care. All he really wanted to do was sleep.

“Don’t fall asleep, baby boy,” Wade said. “Just five more minutes and we’re there.”

Peter pouted. “You’re no fun. Keeping me from my dreams.”

“What kinds of dreams?” Wade joked. “I mean, I know I’m the star of all of them regardless of the type. Because why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re not wrong.”

Suddenly Wade stumbled, tightening his grip on Peter who used it as an excuse to burrow into Deadpool more. 

“Sorry. There… was a rock,” Wade said, sounding nervous for some reason (probably because Peter was bleeding out).

“All good. I’m comfy.”

“Because I’m warm?”

“Yeah. And it’s an excuse to get to know your muscles up close and personal.”

“You want to get to know my muscles?”

“There’s a lot of things of yours I’d love to get to know.”

Wade coughed and Peter soaked up the vibrations, closing his eyes and humming softly. When he opened them again, they were in Wade’s apartment and he was being shaken.

“Awake. Remember?”

“Sadly.”

“I need to see your wound. I know you probably don’t want me cutting your suit up. Can I take the top part of your suit down? Just to where the injury is.”

“You can take the whole suit off if you want,” Peter replied, the logical side of his brain completely disconnected from his mouth.

Deadpool froze for a moment. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Wade helped Peter remove his arms from the suit and pull it down. And then Peter was half-naked on Deadpool’s couch while the man himself carefully examined the wound.

“There’s no exit wound. Which means the bullet is still in there. And with your healing, I’ll have to remove the fragments. It looks like there’s only three of them.”

“Lucky me.”

Wade grabbed a pair of tweezers from the med kit (where did that come from?). “This is going to hurt like hell.”

“Just get it over with.”

Peter couldn’t suppress the grunt of pain that escaped when Wade began to dig into the wound, gripping the side of the couch.

“You’re doing great baby boy.”

Wade hit something and Peter suddenly felt white-hot pain. 

Wade hissed. “Sorry. That was my fault. Don’t pass out. Please.”

The pain stopped as Wade removed one of the fragments, dropping it into an old Chinese food container. But Peter didn’t have long before the discomfort returned, Wade once again digging into his body.

“Talk to me, Spidey,” Deadpool prompted.

“This is not how I wished your first time inside me would be.”

Wade’s movements halted suddenly, as he breathed in and out loudly. “Fuck me.”

“I wish,” Peter muttered with a sigh.

Wade pulled out the second fragment, focusing on the task. “Okay. Maybe I should talk instead. How’s your job been?”

“I talk to spiders all day.”

Wade latched onto the subject change, going back in for the final fragment. “What do you talk to the spiders about?”

“I tell them about the research and findings cause I think they like to be in the loop. Otherwise, I mostly talk about you.”

Deadpool stopped once again, looking at Peter. “Me?”

“They like hearing about your stories. I think you’d like them. Especially Ember. She has a big personality like you.”

“Just to be clear, the spiders aren’t talking back, right? Like in actual words?”

“No. Or at least not yet. You think they might?”

Wade shrugged before continuing. “Shouldn’t you know that? They’re kind of your powers.”

Peter laughed. “Every time I think I know my powers they do something freaky or mess with me. Like today when my spidey sense didn’t work on the gun.”

“So that’s why you got shot.”

“Well, that and I was distracted. It’s your fault for drawing so much attention with your stupid muscles,” Peter groaned, reaching his hand out to tap Wade’s abs as proof (and if he left it there for a few seconds too long, that was his business).

Wade pulled out the final fragment, plopping it into the container with the rest, before carefully removing Peter’s hand from his chest. “You really don’t have a filter with blood loss, do you?”

“You’re just now noticing?” Peter began, gritting his teeth as Wade dabbed the wound with a towel to clean some of the blood off. “Do I need to make it clearer? Cause I can. You’re hot.”

Deadpool laughed dryly. “Oh. I get it. I’m hot. Cause I’m warm and all that.”

“No, you’re hot in that I want to make out with you on this couch right now.”

Wade froze. “What?”

Peter groaned. “I’ve literally been flirting with you nonstop for the past half hour.”

“That was the blood loss talking.”

“If you took off my mask you’d see how I’m basically eye-fucking you.”

“That’s definitely the blood loss talking.”

“Okay. Fine. Maybe it is a little. But it doesn’t make it not true.”

Deadpool was silent for a moment. “I think it’s time for you to get some sleep.”

“I’m allowed now?”

“The bullet's out and your healing is already closing the hole up, so I think you’ll be good without stitches. So yeah.”

“Are you just telling me to get out of this conversation?”

“…No.”

“You’re a cute liar,” Peter said with a click of his tongue.

Wade clapped his hands and stood, throwing the towel onto the floor and moving to grab a blanket. “Okay. It’s way past your bedtime.”

“If I already broke curfew then why should I go to sleep?”

“You’ve been moaning about wanting to sleep for the past hour.”

“I changed my mind. I think there are better things I could be moaning over.”

“Well, sleep tight!” Wade said, voice high-pitched as he practically threw the blanket over him. “Good dreams and all that.”

“Oh, they will be. But they don’t have to be dreams.”

Wade practically ran to his bedroom, stumbling into the doorway. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“I bet it’s even better than in my head.”

“Goodnight!” Deadpool squeaked out before shutting the bedroom door loudly.

“Goodnight…” Peter mumbled back.

Well, that went horribly. But when had things ever gone well with Peter? 

Peter knew he should probably be absolutely horrified with himself and everything he’d said in the past hour, but Wade was right, he was tired. So he’d leave the freaking out to Morning Peter. He’ll probably handle it better anyway.

+1

How you’re lookin’ at me, yeah, I know what that means

Pancakes.

That’s the first thing Peter smelled as his eyes tiredly blinked open, groaning slightly at how stiff his muscles felt. Probably because he slept on a couch. God, his back was totally going to get revenge on him in a few decades. 

His head was aching and he felt like he’d been hit by a truck. Which, maybe he had. The past night was a total blur and it wouldn’t be all that surprising. Night Peter hadn’t even remembered to pull the mask up to his nose to breathe better, so he didn’t have much faith.

“Mornin',” a voice said from the kitchen.

Peter’s gaze snapped up, relaxing upon realizing it was just Deadpool.

Wade was at the stove in a Golden Girls hoodie and sweats paired with his mask, flipping pancakes. “I left some clothes for you. Assumed you wouldn't want to put your bloody suit back on.”

“Thanks.”

Peter stood slowly, beginning to stretch his arms when a brief flash of pain reverberated through him. He looked down to locate the source and noticed a small circular, half-healed wound. So he was shot. That explains the lapse of memory.

He grabbed the pair of clothes and headed to the bathroom, bringing the blanket to shield his uncovered chest and staring firmly at the floor. Peter knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed, it wasn’t like Wade had seen him completely naked. But it was the principle. 

Once inside and with the door closed, Peter immediately took off the mask, breathing in fresh air with a small smile, before looking at the clothes Wade had given him. A pair of grey sweatpants that were huge. Even tied as tight as possible on his waste he knew he’d have to be careful that they wouldn’t fall down. And an Adventure Time hoodie that was also too big, the sleeves covering even his hands, but very soft.

All in all, Peter looked swamped, but at least was comfortable.

After using said bathroom and putting his mask back on (half up this time), Peter went back out to the living room. Deadpool was already at the dining table, digging into a stack of pancakes in front of him, but had made Peter a plate in the chair across from him. Peter sat down, immediately digging in as well.

At first, Peter was too hungry and focused on the delicious pancakes to realize something was amiss. But as he was on his last few bites, it hit him. Wade hadn’t said a single word. No story, or joke about Peter being in his clothes. Nothing.

In fact, once Peter looked up at the man, he realized Deadpool wasn’t even looking at him. He was seemingly actively avoiding looking at him for some reason.

Peter frowned. Had something else happened last night, other than him being shot? Maybe he had said something. He tended to ramble when he was nervous or lacked the brain power to stop himself. Maybe he had said something weird or hurtful by accident. He was never good at getting help or care.

“Did I say something last night?”

Wade choked on a bite of pancake. “W-What do you mean?”

Peter’s frown deepened. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I’m not an easy patient. So if I like told you to fuck off or something, that’s on me. I really appreciate that you helped me. Just… ignore whatever I said. I didn’t mean it.”

Wade stared at him for a moment, before relaxing. “It’s all good.”

Peter sighed in relief. “Okay. Great.”

They returned to silence. 

“So, with that out of the way, you can be honest. How many times did I say I could handle it myself?” Peter joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Deadpool laughed nervously. “You were actually pretty cooperative.”

Peter blinked, surprised. “You don’t say? Normally I don’t want any help.”

“Oh, you definitely wanted my help.”

Peter felt like he was missing something. Something important.

“But not exactly with the injury,” Wade muttered.

Not exactly with… oh.

Oh .

Peter stood suddenly. “Fuck.”

Wade looked at him. “You remember?”

Peter remembered. This… wasn’t good. This was bad. Really really bad. He didn’t think he even remembered everything he said to Wade, but he remembered enough. 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have… oh god, did I touch your muscles?”

Deadpool laughed. “It’s really all good Spidey. Like I said last night, it was the blood loss talking.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

“I flirt with you all the time Spidey. It’s only payback. It actually was pretty fucking funny.”

“Really?” Peter asked, feeling slightly relieved.

“Definitely. I mean it, everything is A-okay between us. I know you didn’t mean it.”

The frown returned. Wait, Wade thought Peter didn’t mean it? That it was all a joke? That was… almost worse. He would never play with Wade’s feelings like that. He didn’t want to play with Wade like that.

Even though the next words out of Peter's mouth would definitely ruin their friendship forever, he had to be honest.

“I did mean it though,” Peter said quietly.

Wade heard. “You… meant it?”

“Obviously it was the more… unfiltered side of my brain talking. But yeah, I like you.”

“You like me?”

“I actually think I might love you,” Peter choked out, laughing dryly and staring at a crumb on the table.

“You love me?”

“I’m sorry. I know we’re friends and you don’t see me that way. I don’t want to ruin our friendship because it’s kind of the best thing going on in my life right now. But I didn’t want to lie to you and act like everything I said was a lie. You don’t deserve that. I know I should’ve told you sooner but… I was selfish. I didn’t want to let go of the hope that there was a chance you liked me back. I know now you don’t. Which is fine, I understand. It’s totally up to you what happens now. If you never want to see me again I get it. And if you want to stay friends I’ll never act on my feelings. I’ll get over them. It might take some time but I’ll do it. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. You deserve a real, honest friendship with someone.”

Peter finally looked up at Wade who was seemingly frozen again. “Are you okay?”

“What the fuck.”

Peter stood, pushing his disappointment down. “I… I should go. I’m sorry.”

Wade stood. “No, no. I meant like ‘what the fuck Spider-Man loves me back’ not ‘what the fuck get the hell out of here.’”

It was Peter’s turn to freeze. “Wait, ‘loves me back?’”

“Holy shitballs, you were as oblivious as me? No way.”

“You mean, all the times you flirted with me, that was real?”

“You thought me complimenting your ass was fake?” Wade gasped. “I would never.”

“I don’t know if I thought it was fake. I just… oh my god,” Peter groaned. “Am I really that stupid?”

“It’s okay Spidey. You’re inexperienced with innuendos, remember?”

Peter gave Wade a look. “I literally said ‘Come right on me’ during one of our convos.”

“Back it up, you said what?”

“I mean, I covered it up. Not very well. But yeah. And when you were on that job in Tokyo I was totally flirting with you.”

“That was flirting?”

Peter blushed, fidgeting with the hoodie sleeve sheepishly. “…Yeah. I know I’m really bad at it.”

“I wouldn’t say you're that bad. I mean you definitely weren’t bad at it last night.”

Peter whined, putting his hands over his masked eyes. “You’re never going to get over that.”

Suddenly he felt hands on his wrists, pulling his hands away and revealing Wade standing in front of him. “Never baby boy. And I wasn’t always the absolute master of innuendos and flirting you see today. Or even today.”

“Oh really?” Peter replied, lips forming into a smirk and trying not to focus on the fact that Wade hadn’t let go of his hands.

“Like I totally carried you for miles when I’m friends with a cab driver who would’ve picked us up from that warehouse, no questions asked.”

“You’re serious? I could’ve avoided all that embarrassment!”

“Sorry Spidey.”

Peter shook his head with a laugh. “It’s okay. I... enjoyed it too.”

Suddenly Peter was very aware of just how close Deadpool was. Peter slowly removed his hands from Wade’s hold, seeing the slight frown of disappointment on the man's face that shifted once he realized what exactly Peter was doing. He rested his fingers on Wade’s jaw, feeling the strong muscles present, before moving up to the mask.

“Can I?” he asked.

“It’s not pretty,” Wade warned but didn’t protest.

Peter slowly removed Deadpool’s mask, finally getting to fill in the blanks he’d had for years. And oh, were those blanks better than he could imagine. The scars continued on the rest of Wade’s face and head, but that’s not what drew Peter’s attention.

Wade’s eyes. A clear, crystal blue. And familiar.

Peter’s eyes widened. “Holy shit! You’re Pretty Grocery Guy!”

Wade’s head tilted, confused. “Thank you?”

“No, I mean. Hold on.”

Peter moved his hands back to his own mask, drinking in Wade’s obvious surprise and excitement over what he was about to do. He practically ripped the mask off, his eyes taking a moment to adjust to the sudden bright light before focusing back on Wade whose mouth had dropped open.

Wade gasped. “Wait, you’re Cute Grocery Guy! From the ice cream aisle.”

“Peter.”

Wade smiled widely. “Peter.”

Peter would never admit how absolutely giddy he felt at finally hearing Deadpool say his name. He didn’t think he’d felt this happy in a very long time. He never thought this would happen and didn’t know how to comprehend it all now that it was. 

But maybe he didn’t need to. Or at least, Future Peter could. Current Peter could finally do what he’d been dreaming and daydreaming about for seemingly forever.

Peter moved in closer, returning his hands to Wade’s jaw. 

“Is this going where I think it’s going?”

“If you’re thinking I’m going to kiss you, then yes.”

“This is the best day of my life.”

“I thought carrying me was the best day of your life?”

“If I would’ve known I’d get the chance to do way more things to you I never would’ve said that.”

“It’s okay. There’s plenty of things I want to do to you.”

Before Wade could respond, Peter kissed him roughly, Wade immediately kissing back with equal force. And it was hot and magical and perfect and everything Peter had wanted it to be. 

They pulled away breathless and smiling. Peter expected Wade to make a joke but he was quiet. But not in the way he was before. The expression on Wade’s face Peter wanted to engrave into his brain forever. Even just to remember that he, Peter Parker, could make Wade Wilson, Deadpool, look like that.

Wade wanted something. And who was Peter not to give it to him?

Peter put his hand on Wade’s chest, pushing the man against the wall with just his fingertips. Wade stared at him, wide-eyed and stunned, as he began to kiss around the man’s lips, moving slightly closer to them before pulling away.

Wade’s lips twisted into a smile. “You just gonna tease me? Or are you going to get on with the things you want to do?”

“We’ll get to that,” Peter replied before lightly biting Wade’s bottom lip.

Instead of going in for a kiss like Wade expected, Peter moved away again, smiling at the huff of frustration Wade let out. He began kissing Wade’s cheeks again before moving down to his neck. And from the shiver that ran through Wade’s body, it seemed he was going in the right direction. Peter stopped about halfway down, sucking on the skin.

Wade gasped and Peter moved his gaze up, drinking in Wade’s wide and lust-filled eyes.

“Where’d the flirting master go?” Peter joked.

“H-He’s out of office at the moment. You’ll have to leave a message.”

Peter sucked on the spot, nipping the skin lightly with his teeth. “Oh, I’m going to leave a message all right.”

“You l-leave as many messages as you want. Fuck.”

Peter pulled away, letting Wade catch his breath and taking the opportunity to study Wade. He was a scientist, and he couldn’t wait to find everything he could about the man. He wanted to know Wade inside and out, know how every touch would affect him. Peter again knew what Wade was expecting (and very clearly wanted). But he wasn’t done teasing just yet.

So he grabbed Wade’s hand, bringing it to his mouth. Peter watched the moment Wade’s puzzled expression turned to the realization of what he was doing. Before Wade could say a word, Peter had begun running his tongue along Wade’s ring finger, before beginning to suck on it.

“Oh fuck, Petey.”

Peter continued to suck before slowly moving his lips up to the very tip of Wade’s finger, barely licking the tip before removing his lips completely. And then moved to Wade's middle finger and did the same.

“ Goddamn baby boy,” Wade panted out. “This isn’t how I pictured being finger fucked by you.”

Peter lightly bit Wade’s finger in response, earning a very nice-sounding moan.

“Not that I’m complaining. This is… fuck.”

An idea suddenly came to Peter’s mind. He began to hum, letting the vibrations run through his throat to Wade’s fingers. He watched as it brought Wade to the very edge and finally took pity on him. He removed Wade’s fingers from his mouth in favor of moving inches away from Wade’s ear.

“You’re beautiful,” Peter whispered before nibbling Wade’s ear.

Peter took a lot of delight in hearing Wade gasp in relief as he came. 

Wade’s head fell on his shoulder, and Peter instinctively kissed it. “The spiders are going to freak when they hear about this.”

Wade looked up at him. “The spiders? That’s all you can think about after that?”

“After what?” Peter asked innocently. “I was just cleaning the syrup off your fingers.”

“Fuck you. You know what, I think it’s payback time.”

Peter cocked an eyebrow. “Payback?”

“Payback. You thought that was teasing? I’m going to make you want it so bad that you’ll beg for it. And I won’t take pity on you.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Wade suddenly put a hand on Peter’s back, slowly moving it further down teasingly until it rested on his ass. Wade squeezed lightly and Peter forced himself to suppress a moan. Wade was not going to win, or at least not so soon.

It seemed Deadpool had gotten the response he wanted though, as the man smiled cheekily and removed the hand, turning and walking toward the bedroom. 

Peter smiled. He and Wade definitely had good chemistry. 

He couldn’t wait to see it in bed.