Archive of Our Own ^beta

It is a complete surprise to Tanya von Degurechaff when her dear friend from war college, Maximilian Johann von Uger, shows up in her office, a nicely wrapped package in hand, to deliver a gift to her on a morning in September.

The surprise is not coming from the fact that it’s Uger, that’s fairly reasonable actually. He’s one of the few people that Tanya would say she’s close to, so this is within her expectations of him. Instead the confusion is coming from the ‘why’ of it. What is this for? What’s the occasion?

“I know this is a bit early,” he says as a preface, “But happy birthday, Degurechaff.”

She blinks, and stares blankly up at him for a long moment. Happy birthday? My birthday? Did I really forget? Again? She unfortunately has a record for losing track of it at this point, so honestly it wouldn’t shock her… But he also said it’s early, so… She tries to run the calendar back in her head.

As he deposits the present into her hands, he continues, “I’ll be out of town next week, so I figured it would be better to give this to you early, rather than late.”

Ah, that’s it. It’s not that she had forgotten, but rather that she was on track to forgetting about it. Right at the beginning of next week would be September 24^th, the day that is technically her birthday.

“Ah, thank you, Colonel, I wasn’t expecting this.”

He seems a little sheepish about that. “Yes, I’m sorry I never got you something before. I only became aware of it recently, when I saw it in your personnel file.”

Well, that’s not quite what she meant. It’s not that she wasn’t expecting it from him specifically, but more that she wasn’t expecting it in general. There’s a reason she tends to forget about her birthday. It’s a bit sad to say but Uger is perhaps only the second or third person, give or take, to acknowledge her birthday in this life.

The arguable first time she’d ever received something that could be called a birthday present was when Dacia invaded, and that was only a coincidence. It was a gift of what could only be tenuously described as soldiers for her newly formed battalion to fire on, and a show of secondary explosions. It was a nice event, but something tells her that the Dacians hadn’t intended to give it to her.

Perhaps the first real acknowledgement of her birthday she ever received had been from her adjutant, Visha, just a year after that. She must’ve made a note of the day when Tanya let the significance of the date slip during the Dacia campaign.

Nevertheless, at that point in time, the 203^rd was fighting on the southern continent, so it was a bit difficult for her adjutant to do something elaborate. She asked about putting together a small party, but Tanya had firmly rejected the idea with extreme prejudice. Visha must have got the memo from that, because Tanya’s birthday went unremarked upon beyond an ‘Extra Special’ coffee in the morning and a perfunctory ‘Happy Birthday.’

Honestly, that’s how she prefers it really… but having said that, if Uger wants to give her a special treat, she won’t protest. So long as he’s not doing something unnecessary like throwing a big party, she’ll accept it gratefully. She will have to make a note of figuring out his own birthday, though, so she can reciprocate his kindness.

She offers a lighthearted laugh with her response, “No, no, it’s fine. I don’t ever talk about it, so I understand why you never knew.”

She sets the gift on her desk to open later, and after a beat, Uger speaks again, “So, what are your plans for your birthday? It’s the first time in a while you’ve been back home and able to celebrate it, isn’t it?”

Well, he’s actually correct about that, but… “I don’t really have any plans, I’ll probably be working.”

The answer she provides disappoints him. “You’re not going to do anything special?” he asks.

“No. Why would I?”

“Well… It’s your birthday, after all…”

“I suppose, but, in a way, it’s not really. September 24^th is only my birthday in a legal sense. I don’t know the actual day.”

The orphanage she was given to never knew her actual birthday, apparently they were never informed. The date of birth that was written on her papers was the day she was left there and the year was based on the sisters’ best estimate of her age.

So knowing that, what she would hypothetically be celebrating would not be her birthday, but her abandonment day. It always seemed stupid to celebrate a day that ultimately had no meaning.

Whether or not Uger managed to catch that bit of hidden subtext, he tactfully does not ask about it. Instead he asks, “Then when would you want to celebrate it?”

Considering that she’s never felt inclined to do so, that question stumps her for a moment. Two options spring to mind immediately, but neither are good choices.

The first day that comes to mind is February 22^nd, also known as the day her first life was cut short. That’s, uh… really too morbid to consider as an option, and frankly when she thinks too hard about how that day ended for her, it tends to set her off. Any attempt at having a good time would be immediately ruined by her foul mood.

The second option is equally as poor a choice. It’s almost tempting to say her original birthday from her first life, but… that would be painfully clinging to something she’d never get back. A life she’d long given up on ever returning to. She would never say she’s happy this whole thing happened to her, but she’s accepted that this is her life now. To use that old birthday is like stubbornly refusing to let go of that last piece, or refusing to let the wound heal.

“Never, I guess.” That’s her only answer. She really doesn’t need to commemorate the occasion anyway.

He frowns at her and makes a face like she just said something depressing. “You should at least celebrate your birthday a little while you’re still young,” he insists, “At some point, you’ll get to an age where becoming a year older isn’t any fun, and you’ll regret not taking advantage of your youth while you were able to.”

While I’m still young? Taking advantage of my youth? Why is he saying things like that? Uger isn’t really that old, right? He’s still younger than I was when my first life ended.

Maybe it’s because he has a daughter that’s growing up now? Yeah, that’ll probably do it. Children tend to change people; my coworkers in my past life were like that too.

Unfortunately, Uger tends to worry about Tanya in a way that, well… it’s probably not quite like she’s his own child, but maybe like a niece or something.

To be honest… It’s a little troubling for Tanya, who only wants to be seen as a dependable colleague, or valuable member of their organization, but it’s also kind of her own fault. She did play on her age to emotionally manipulate him that one time. She set herself up for this turn of events.

“I’m not really the type to celebrate, you know,” she says instead of getting further lost in that train of thought. For now her focus should be assuaging his concerns just enough that he’ll stop fretting over her about this.

“You don’t have to throw a party or anything, but why don’t you at least do something nice for yourself? Get yourself a gift, or something like that.”

Except, instead of successfully assuaging him, he’s thrown an idea at her that almost sounds appealing.

A nice gift huh?

Her entire train of thought is derailed by this one suggestion. It’s not that she lacks desires, but all of the things she wants are far too nebulous or distant from her to acquire on demand. If they were so easy to get, she’d have already seized them by now.

For example, a peaceful life? No way, Being X would never let her get that.

A new, non-life-threatening job? General Zettour likely wouldn’t let her have that either.

But I guess… There is one thing.

She must’ve let her expression slip somehow because Uger seems to catch it immediately.

“You thought of something, didn’t you?” he asks.

“Ah, well… Maybe I have some small idea, but I really can’t say for sure…”

While her dear friend Uger is one of the kindest of them, the unfortunate truth is that all General Staffers are the type to pick up on perceived weaknesses, and that really wasn’t one of her better attempts at dodging a question. The slight heat she feels on her cheeks probably doesn’t help.

There’s a sort of knowing smile on his face. Maybe he’s got the wrong idea, or perhaps the exactly correct one. He gently pats her shoulder and wishes her good luck.

♡

It’s not a stretch at all to say that the internal dynamics of her unit are deeply important to Tanya.

Her battalion is basically her beloved pet project. Sure, she hadn’t wanted this project at all at first, but now they’re essentially her favorite group of people. She raised all its members by hand from fledglings to the best group of mages the Empire has seen.

And she’s proud of that. So, it’s important to her that her battalion stays in the best condition, of course.

Part of that is through taking care of the members, accounting for both their physical and mental health, keeping losses low and injuries down, but also keeping them well coordinated.

Internal dynamics, unit cohesion, whatever you want to call it, you have to make sure everyone meshes well with one another. A team that can’t work together is essentially worthless, but thankfully her beloved 203^rd is nothing like that.

The group has been together so long that, at this point, there’s basically no issues. If there are issues, they’re usually handled promptly, without much fanfare. Everyone gets along nicely with one another, has people they work best with, and social roles they fit into.

Even Tanya herself is subject to this. As the commander, she’s perhaps the most important individual in this group, the keystone that holds everything up. She’s the one that leads them all, the one they look at for guidance.

This isn’t hard for her— she just has to lead by example— but it is something she has to keep in mind. Preserving the current dynamic where everyone works perfectly together should be her top priority.

But therein lies a problem. The question is this: If there is something she wants, but the current dynamics of her unit would be jeopardized by acquiring it, what should she do?

She has to sacrifice one or the other, so which one will it be? Her desires or the status quo?

Obviously the answer is neither. She’s going to have her cake and eat it too.

…The cake in this metaphor being First Lieutenant Warren Grantz, of course. That’s what she wants to give herself for her birthday. Him.

She’s not even sure if she can explain how she came to want this. It barely makes sense to even her, and she’s the one feeling the emotions. She didn’t realize it until it was too late. At some point or another she started to notice him, and now she can’t stop.

Her youngest officer. The fluffy blonde one who she feels an inexplicable urge to mess with. The one that follows her around like a lost puppy looking to be praised. The inexperienced one who tries way too hard to impress her. The one that cracks stupid jokes with her company commanders and smiles brightly. The one who sometimes says and does dumb things, but she has to forgive him because he’s got a cute face when he does it. She could list a hundred things about him she likes and still have more to say.

He’s not anywhere close to the anxious mess he was when she first met him, he’s grown up into an excellent mage and a dependable officer. Maybe that’s part of the problem. She cracked him open, broke him down, and put him through some of the worst things she could, and in the end he came out of it anew. He became more confident and reliable, but still kept that infuriatingly charming personality.

Maybe it’s a budding crush. Maybe it’s little more than a temporary infatuation. Maybe it’s a four letter word she refuses to say. Maybe it’s a word she doesn’t know entirely.

Her feelings for him are, to describe them in the simplest manner possible, a mess. The only definitive thing she can say about her feelings is that she doesn’t understand them, only that she has them. The fact that she doesn’t know what to call them doesn’t matter because no one needs to know about them other than Tanya herself. Anyone knowing about them would cause her massive problems.

Let’s get back to the problem at hand. Any attempt to pursue him romantically would probably be a disaster.

In the absolute worst case scenario, the whole thing would go terribly and she’d destroy her existing relationship with Lieutenant Grantz. Whether he rejects her from the get-go, or they have a spectacularly bad break up, that will create tension between the two of them, and she’s sure no one in the battalion will enjoy being around it. Even if no one does pick up on the hypothetical resentment between them (and she’s sure at least some of them definitely will) it would still be difficult to work with Grantz on an individual level. That’s just one reason why you really shouldn’t date a coworker.

Aside from that, in the best case scenario, there are still problems. Even if everything goes along well and she ends up happily dating him, it would be a temporary happiness because Tanya would then be committing a crime. Fraternization rules are, in fact, military laws that she needs to adhere to. Accusations of giving one of her officers special treatment or taking advantage of him using her rank would be devastating to her career. Even if she kept it a tightly locked down secret, someone would find out one day and report it. If one of her loyal 203^rd members found out, she’d be putting them in a tough position of having to choose whether to ignore the crime or report it.

Can you tell she’s already over-thought this? It’s troubled her for a long time.

But she still wants just one thing for her birthday, so how is she going to get around all of these problems to get it?

Very simple. She’s going to ask out her dear Lieutenant Grantz and just not tell him this is a date.

Okay, yes, she is aware that this is kind of horrible for her to do if this were a long term thing, but fortunately it’s not. She’s already resigned herself to knowing a real relationship would be impossible, so this is only going to be a short and simple one-time event.

One outing for her to preserve in her memories and fantasize about. A single day where she can allow herself to be delusional about dating her Lieutenant, all while he’s none the wiser.

If he doesn’t realize her intentions, they can never have a nasty falling out over it.

Because this isn’t a real relationship, Tanya’s one-sided affections won’t break fraternization rules.

And since it’s a one-time event, the chances of anyone discovering the truth are basically nil.

So, there. All of her bases are covered.

That’s why she stands before him now in their tiny garrison kitchen, ready to pull the trigger and commence the first phase of Operation ‘Go On A Date With My Lieutenant Without Him Knowing.’ (…The operation name is, admittedly, a work-in-progress.)

“Lieutenant Grantz, you’re free today, aren’t you?” she asks, as if she doesn’t already know he most certainly is. She sets the schedule and she very deliberately arranged it to her liking this week. While her unit may be at home in the capital right now, her battalion still has responsibilities, so she put all of her nosiest members— the ones who’d ask too many questions— to work, and made sure to have Grantz available.

He turns away from what he was fiddling with at the countertop to look at her, “Ah, yes, I am. Did you need something, ma’am?”

“Will you come into town with me?”

“Huh? What for?”

“There’s somewhere I want to go and I want company,” she answers vaguely. She can’t say ‘I want to go on a date with you,’ after all, so…

After a moment she adds on, “If it incentivizes you at all, I’m going to be getting brunch, so if you come with me you won’t have to eat whatever that is.” She gestures to the premade meal he’d been about to prepare to eat— one of the rations that was probably more nutritious than it would ever be tasty.

“Oh, you really don’t have to incentivize me, I’d be happy to go,” he says, a big grin lighting up his face.

“Ah, really? In that case, I’m about to get ready to go soon, so you should as well. No need to wear your uniform or anything, this isn’t official business.”

“Of course, right away, ma’am,” he says with that same charming smile and, in spite of what she just said, a salute.

Idiot… Didn’t I just say this isn’t military business? Feeling her face heat up, she turns away to head back to her room and change herself.

Even though she thought she would be quick, Grantz ends up being dressed and waiting on her first. She had the forethought to carefully plan what she’d be wearing, but what she hadn’t expected was how much time would be eaten up by second guessing her decision.

Should I really wear this? Is it acceptable?

She really doesn’t want to go out in uniform today. She has her reasons, but mostly they all boil down to not wanting her work life to invade what should be an off day. Today is for pretending like she’s a civilian going on a date with her boyfriend. Nothing else.

The problem is that the entire contents of her wardrobe can be divided neatly into two categories: Military uniforms and dresses given to her by the Public Relations Department. That’s it.

She thought she’d never again touch the clothing included in that latter category, but here she stands corrected. If she wants to blend in with the public today, she has to pick something from that selection.

Not all of the dresses are awful actually, just most of them, but mercifully, there are a few exceptions that lack exorbitant lace, frills, and ribbons. One of these is a simple collared dress patterned in houndstooth, and colored a nice, modest, and pleasant brown. It’s the one dress she’s most comfortable in, purely for the fact it is in no way flashy, but she still finds herself worrying about whether it’s acceptable as she steps out to meet her subordinate.

I never wear things like this. Is Grantz going to find it weird? Or worse, is he going to be disappointed it’s not extravagant enough?

“You’re wearing a dress?” is the first thing out of his mouth when he sees her.

Of course he has to say something.

Her response to that comes out a little too defensive, “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, not at all!” His expression immediately becomes apologetic, “I just didn’t expect it! It looks nice on you.”

The tension dissipates as quickly as it came; something as small as that flusters her slightly.

“Oh. Thank you,” she responds, in perhaps the single most awkward manner she has ever said something. She tries to clear her throat and move on. “Right. We should get moving. I promised you brunch, after all.”

The smile Tanya adores comes back to his face once more. As he leads the way out, opening the door for her politely, he asks her about their destination. “So, where are we going to eat? Zolka?”

“Good guess, but no, not this time. There’s another café a little further away that I’ve been wanting to try.”

He made a good assumption, Tanya really does like Zolka, but the issue with it is that many other soldiers do as well. The absolute last thing she wants is to be recognized by someone who would ask too many questions about why she’s out with Grantz or someone who would want to stay and chat instead of leaving them be.

“Really?” He’s surprised by this. “What caught your eye there?”

“Supposedly they have an excellent selection of pastries.”

That was definitely the right thing to say, he looks pretty excited by this news. Just about all of her officers are weak to sweets in some way, and Grantz is no exception.

Outside, the weather is nice enough that the walk is a pleasant one. For a birth date she proclaimed to have no attachment to, she’s starting to consider that actually it might be a fairly decent day. It’s right at the beginning of autumn, the weather is cooling off, but it’s nowhere near frigid.

There is a slight chill to the air, but it’s not bad at all since she has a sweater. It’s a good thing she brought it too because if she had to ask to borrow Grantz’s, she may have not been able to keep herself together.

Walking in step with her, Grantz seems to have similar feelings about the temperature. “With the weather this nice, I almost think we should eat outside,” he says.

“I agree, it’s perfect for a hot cup of coffee.”

“I thought, to you, all weather is perfect for coffee?”

“Well of course, but this is even more perfect than usual.”

The walk isn’t too long, filled with similar idle chatter, but it’s not bad. Commentary about what they see or hear. A joke about their work here and there. There’s no urge to fill any lapses of silence with unnecessary conversation. It’s just comfortable. She feels content. The smile on her face slips out without her even realizing.

As we walk side by side like this, I wonder what passersby see? Do they see two coworkers out for brunch together? Or a couple on a date?

She resists the urge to reach out and grab his hand. That would seal the image certainly, but it’s too dangerous, he would definitely ask questions.

It’s fine, I can see our destination coming up anyway.

She was slightly concerned that it would be too busy because of the pleasant day, but it seems Tanya still has some luck because there are a couple of unoccupied tables outside they can sit at.

Stepping inside, they’re greeted with the chime of the bell at the door and a ‘Welcome in!’ The atmosphere of this café is quaint and charming, it’s small but not too much so. Front and center as they walk in is a display case full of the aforementioned pastries she promised Grantz, and, beside that, the counter to order.

Her lieutenant is immediately entranced by all of the options. So much so that she feels safe to stare at the face of wonder he’s making. Cute.

“Will you be able to come to a decision?” she asks as she steps up beside him in front of the display, a light laugh in her tone.

“That depends. Is ‘all of them’ an option?”

“Will eating so much make you sick?”

“Maybe.”

“Then no.”

“Damn… Then you’ll have to give me a minute.”

“Take your time, I don’t mind.”

She has to pick out something for herself anyway. She knows a plain black coffee is in her future, but a snack to accompany it does need to be selected, and jokes aside, there really is an impressive number of options for her to consider. Little slices of cake in varying flavors from vanilla to lemon to chocolate, assorted cookies, croissants, and the like, and even more she doesn’t recognize. There are also little sandwiches and other more savory options, but… Let’s be honest, the sweets are what she’s really here for.

In the end, the chocolate croissant is her choice, and as for Grantz… Well, he decided he’s going to have to come back here at some point in order to try everything else, but for now it’ll be something with an excessively Francois-sounding name that he pronounces horribly. The woman at the counter seems to understand though and sets about pulling the pastries from the display and boxing them up as Tanya pulls out her wallet.

“Wait, hold on, ma’am, you’re not going to let me pay for it?” Grantz interrupts her action.

“What are you talking about? I’m your superior and I’m the one who invited you out. Obviously I should be treating you.”

“No way, put your wallet away. Let me.”

“Lieutenant…” she says in a warning tone.

“C’mon, that’s not fair,” he pouts, “We’re not on duty, you can’t use the commander voice on me.”

“You really want to pay for it so bad?”

“Yes! Think of this as a thank you gift, if you have to.”

“A thank you for what?”

“You’ve done a lot for me over the years that you’ve been my commander, I don’t think I would’ve gotten this far without you.”

“Alright, alright. Go ahead.” She steps back from the counter to move out of the way. On a date, it’s usually the guy who picks up the tab anyway, so, in a way, he’s playing into my little game of pretend without knowing, right?

If she thinks of it like that, a warm feeling bubbles up in her stomach. She doesn’t think she’s genuinely smiled so much in years.

The barista, a woman much older than the both of them, smiles warmly at them as Grantz counts out the correct change and passes it over.

“You two make for a very cute couple,” she says upon setting Tanya’s coffee on the counter.

Grantz flusters, and chokes out, “Oh, no, we-we’re not—”

But Tanya cuts him off by returning the kindness with a pleasant, “Thank you.”

Grantz looks at her incredulously as she pushes the little dessert boxes into his hands and picks up the drinks herself. He stutters slightly, “Wh-what do you mean by—?”

“We’re a couple of friends, are we not?” If Grantz wants to playfully bicker with her over the bill, then it’s fine for her to tease him back, is it not? The smug smile on her face is definitely giving up the fact that she’s playing with him, so she turns to lead him back outside.

“Commander, you know it’s not right to bully your subordinate like this?” he asks.

Dutifully he follows her to leave, and together they take a seat at a small table outside.

“I think you’re strong enough to handle it,” she answers.

The table sits just outside the cafe on the street, providing a nice view of the city street around them, including the people passing by, hurrying along; the scattered shady trees, starting to slightly turn colors; other little storefronts and buildings; and little birds hopping around the street, picking at crumbs.

“Maybe physically, but definitely not emotionally,” Grantz shoots back. He hands her the little box her food was placed into and opens up his own.

She was going to tease him further, but instead she’s abruptly thrown off by the sight of the pastry Grantz picked out. Seeing the look on her face, he speaks up to defend himself, “It looked smaller when it was in the display case surrounded by a bunch of other stuff.”

Compared to Tanya’s very simple and manageable croissant, Grantz’s pastry is kind of absurd. She thinks it’s supposed to be some kind of cream puff, but whoever made it clearly missed the memo on how cream puffs are normally filled. They cut the choux pastry in half and filled it so full of whipped cream, choux cream, and fruit that she’s sure with one bite most of it will fall out.

“How do you plan to eat that?”

“Um... Like a sandwich, I suppose?” He says it more like a question than an answer, which does not inspire much confidence. As he tries to pick it up, he immediately gets the filling on his hands, to which he makes a very dismayed sound.

She hides the smile that continues to grow on her face behind taking a sip of her coffee.

“Are you regretting your choice?” Tanya questions.

“Of course not,” comes the instant denial, and he promptly takes a bite.

And with that action, Tanya’s assumption about how this would go is immediately proven correct. A strawberry and a bit of whipped cream falls out into the box, and even more ends up on his hands and face.

He swears under his breath and brings a hand to his mouth to lick his fingers, but before he can, he stops and looks back up at Tanya, a bit like a deer caught in the headlights.

Looking at his slightly embarrassed face and whipped cream on his nose, Tanya wants to put her head in her hands. Sure she was just toying with him a second ago, but seeing this? It’s enough to remind her that she’s definitely playing with fire.

Why did I put myself into this situation? He’s too cute.

She forces her brain to stay on track. “I’m not going to yell at you for licking your fingers, Grantz, go ahead.”

He flushes a bit. “I just thought you might find it impolite!”

Honestly, after everything they’ve been through together in this war, this is what he thinks she might be upset by? They’ve eaten meals together sitting next to corpses. Licking one’s fingers is far from the least hygienic thing she’s seen and done. Jeez.

She forces herself to look away from Grantz’s mouth and focus on eating her own food. “Don’t forget about your face too; it’s even on your nose.”

“I know, I know,” he mumbles, and makes a failed effort to wipe it all away.

“… You missed some on your cheek too.”

“Ah, here?”

“No, just…” Without even thinking to stop herself, she reaches out to his cheek and wipes away the little smudge of cream. Then, even more absent-mindedly, she tastes it.

After which she freezes. And so does Grantz.

Shit, don’t make this awkward. Move on quickly.

“It’s, uh… Really sweet. But good. Did you want to try mine?”

Smooth. Excellent save, Tanya.

He coughs a bit. “Um. Please.”

“Right, here, let me…” Conscious of avoiding a situation where she ends up feeding him directly, she cuts a small piece off and passes him the fork, instead of holding it to his mouth. Their fingers only slightly brush each other as she completes the handover, so she counts it as a success.

His face also brightens upon tasting it, which Tanya will count as an even bigger success. “Everything is really good!”

“It is. I think I would say this somewhere worth returning to, wouldn’t you?”

“Mhm. Definitely.” If his words aren’t enough, it’s the enthusiasm he shows when he goes back to eating his own treat.

She takes a sip of her drink, and closes her eyes.

It’s not much, but… I’ll savor it. Not the coffee, that is, but the moment.

It’s not really a date, but this is just close enough… When she opens her eyes to watch him fondly, he catches her stare and tips his head. Wordlessly, she shakes her head to clear it.

I don’t want it to end, but the reality is that it will eventually, won’t it? I can sit and drag this out, but eventually he’ll want to go back.

… Stop thinking about it like that, Tanya. Live in the moment.

“Um, Colonel,” Grantz says to catch her attention, “Do you have any other plans today?”

She pulls herself out of her own head. “I do not. Nothing beyond this, at least.”

“Then, um… there was actually somewhere else I wanted to go, since we’re already in town. Do you mind coming with me?”

Her heart jumps in a funny way. Calm down.

“I’d be happy to.”

♡

As it turns out, Grantz’s destination is actually regarding a mission sent to him by his little sister, so naturally Tanya volunteers to be his partner for said mission.

Apparently, there’s some store that Ursula Grantz wants something from, but the store is only in Berun, so naturally it falls on her big brother to get it for her. It’s a simple retrieval mission, and the errand doesn’t take long.Tanya even found something nice for herself at the store, a simple bookmark— a little souvenir to remember the day by.

The only problem is that it was a further walk than Tanya was anticipating, and her shoes apparently hate her. She’s never had to wear the accursed flats for so long, so she never knew how much friction they put on the back of her heels.

On the way back to the garrison, as they pass by a bench, Tanya has to take a pause. “Hey, can we stop here for a second?”

“Of course, is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing serious, I just don’t wear these shoes very often, so they’re a bit uncomfortable after a while…”

“We did walk a bit far, didn’t we? Do your feet hurt?”

“Just a bit. But I’ll be fine. I just need a moment.”

He takes a seat next to her without another word. Strangely, sitting next to each other like this, just close enough to be in each other’s space feels… weirdly intimate. The silence between them, the way he’s quietly looking at her with concern from the corners of his eyes. It seems like there’s something he wants to say, so she glances over at him.

It takes him a second. “Y’know, um… I enjoyed going out with you today. I’m glad you invited me.”

Something in her chest flutters suddenly and without warning. Fighting to keep her voice even, she manages to get out an, “Ah, really?”

“Why do you sound surprised?”

“It’s not that I’m surprised, I just… didn’t expect you to say that, I guess. Um. Thank you. I’m glad. I enjoyed myself too.” That was a sentiment that definitely did not need so many pauses to get through. Tanya, get it together, please.

“You know… I think this is the first time we’ve spent time together alone, right?”

“Is it really?”

“Well, we’ve worked on things together, but we’ve never hung out casually without other members of the battalion with us.”

“Hm. I suppose you’re right.” Their first ‘date’ also happens to be their first private hangout. It’s sad in a way. It’s a reminder that this is all in Tanya’s head. She looks away from his face and down at her shoes.

Despite what I feel, the real truth is that we’ve never hung out together on our own… Do we even know each other? How could we ever date if—?

“Hey, um,” he says abruptly, knocking off Tanya’s train of thought, “Maybe we should do this again sometime…? Oh, but, only if you want to though!”

Grantz is definitely nervous to ask, she could probably tell just by the sound of his voice alone, but his expression is also a big clue. He doesn’t realize at all that he just pulled her away from falling into some rather sordid thoughts.

Of course I want to. I definitely shouldn’t, but… “I think that would be nice.”

The smile he returns to her is much softer, and she matches it.

I wonder… What kind of date should we go on next…? We should visit that café again for sure, and maybe another time we can go see a movie? Perhaps a picnic would be fun, or…

Ah, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. We should finish this one first.

“We should head back to the garrison now, I think,” Tanya says.

“Are you alright to go?” He seems a bit concerned still.

“Of course,” she responds, and promptly hops to her feet. That was exactly the wrong move. The wince she displays is so visible that there’s no way Grantz doesn’t catch it.

Damn it. I should’ve suffered through it. It’s even more painful getting up after a break.

Instantly he’s fretting over her, “Are you in pain? Do you want me to carry you the rest of the way back?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not that far, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind. I used to carry my little sister home all the time when she was tired after an outing.”

“Grantz, in no way am I small enough to be carried around.”

He looks like he’s about to dispute that for exactly half a second, but clearly thinks better of it and says something else. “I’ve trained and become a lot stronger since then. Even if you think you’re possibly a bit bigger than Ursula was then, I can definitely still carry you.”

“Whether that is or isn’t the case, I’ll be fine. Seriously, I’ll just use a formula to block the pain for a bit.” She did bring her computation orb, actually, because of course she did, why wouldn’t she? Being supposedly off-duty or not, she had to be prepared for anything.

“What? You can’t do that. It was you who gave a whole lecture about not abusing pain blocking spells. You said pain was our body’s way of telling us something is wrong, and that we shouldn’t ignore it.”

“I meant that in reference to when we’re in life-threatening combat, so you don’t end up bleeding out by ignoring something like a potentially lethal gunshot. Not about blistered heels.”

“Are they really blistered?”

Ah, fuck. She doesn’t want to dignify that with an answer. If she lies, he’ll probably call her on it, and if she says the truth, he’ll definitely get more annoying about it. So, painfully, she turns and starts to walk.

But, apparently, silence is also the wrong move because he seems to make up his own mind about what to do, absent a response. Moving before she can stop him, one arm slips around her back, the other under her knees, and he lifts her up.

“Wh—! Lieutenant! What the hell are you doing?!”

“I’m carrying my injured commander back to base!”

What the hell is this?! This is too much isn’t it? When was the last time I was so close to him?

The last time she got so close had to be in battle a long time ago, when she’d grabbed him by the collar and yanked him harshly into a trench. Of course, since it was during combat there was no time to enjoy it, and that had been before she started to feel something for him, anyway.

Calm down, calm down. Don’t think about how warm he is or how he smells nice, that’s creepy.

The way his arms feel around me, the way my shoulder is pressing against his chest, the way his face really is right there.

Her hands tighten in the fabric of her dress, and she deliberately avoids looking at his face. This obvious discomfort does not go unnoticed by him. With a single glance down at her, he stops walking.

“I’m sorry, Colonel, are you alright? Do you want to be put down? I didn’t mean to…”

“N-no. It’s fine. Let’s just go home.”

“You’re sure? You seem a little…” he trails off, and Tanya’s not sure how that sentence was going to end, but stressed seems like a good pick from her perspective.

“It’s just embarrassing. But again, it’s fine, keep going.”

Don’t ask again. Please, just let me enjoy it.

He drops the subject and starts walking again. “Well… You can hide your face, if you want to.”

“And what about you?”

“It’s not so bad, I doubt anyone will recognize me if they see me again. After all, when will be the next time I’m wandering the capital in civilian clothes?”

“Hey, I don’t overwork you that much.”

“You don’t think so?”

“It’s really not my doing. I’m only passing down the orders I’m given.” If there is one thing Tanya is good at, it’s being pedantic about things, and of course she’ll apply that skill here.

“If you say so, Colonel,” he teases her back.

“Don’t take that tone with me, Lieutenant, or your next orders will be to run laps while carrying me.”

“What if I accidentally drop you?”

“For your sake, you wouldn’t dare.”

“You’re right. I definitely wouldn’t.”

♡

Pretty much the second the second the two of them return to the battalion garrison, Grantz allows her to walk on her own again and she immediately ditches the accursed shoes by the door.

Despite not having plans to do anything further, she feels reluctant to leave Grantz’s company, having enjoyed herself far too much today, and it seems Grantz feels similar.

The two of them end up settling down in the common area, simply enjoying the other’s presence while they exist around one another. Tanya grabs the first aid kit and busies herself with bandaging the back of her heels to prevent further injury, while Grantz sits off to the side, occasionally making sure she’s okay as he tries to pen a letter to his sister.

They’re still hanging around, Tanya only leaving for a moment to return the first aid kit, when she bumps into Visha, who has apparently returned to the garrison early. Suddenly Tanya gets the feeling she’s very much in danger. Visha takes exactly one look at the attire Tanya has yet to change out of, and follows after her with prying questions within moments.

Yes, Tanya knows it’s rare for her to take a day off; and yes, the fact that this time it happened to coincide with the birthday she’s never acknowledged is a little suspect; and another yes, it does look like she went out somewhere. But, despite all of that, is this level of enthusiasm necessary?

“So, Colonel…” she says with a leading tone, “Did you happen to do anything fun for your birthday?”

“I just went out for a bit,” she responds flatly. It is a very bland answer, but if Visha got any more details than that, she’d start to get even more nosy.

Unfortunately, her attempts to dodge this are fumbled by the fact that Grantz is in the room.

“Wait, it’s your birthday?” he asks suddenly.

There really isn’t any point in lying to him, but she hadn’t wanted to get into this conversation in the first place. “It is.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gotten you a gift.”

“You paid for brunch,” Tanya reminds him as a way to hopefully placate him.

Which fails. “That doesn’t count, I told you that was a thank you gift, not a birthday gift.”

“Grantz, you don’t have to get me anything.”

“Maybe I don’t have to, but I want to!”

“And if I don’t want you to make a fuss about it?”

“I’m not making a fuss,” he huffs indignantly. “I just want to show I appreciate you.”

“You already do that plenty enough.”

He looks like he’s pouting about it. Visha, still here and watching, speaks up on his behalf, “Colonel, why don’t you let him? You never do anything for your birthday. Why don’t you at least have something special this once?”

Shooting a glance back at her adjutant, Tanya’s mind wanders back to her conversation with Uger. It’s the same sentiment again. Make it special. Get yourself a gift. I did do that, but… Do I want more?

She shoots her gaze back to Grantz. “You really insist?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then fine, I suppose there is one thing I want. Something I can only get from you.”

“Ah, there is? What is it?”

This is a bad idea.

She beckons him to come closer with a motion of her hand.

What happened to preserving the status quo?

Obedient as ever, he gets up, steps in closer, and leans down to her face.

I changed my mind.

He’s probably presuming she’s about to whisper in his ear or something. As if what she wants is some big secret. In a way it is, but she’s about to expose it now.

She presses her lips to his.

It’s only natural, after all, that you end a date with a kiss.

He’s stunned into stillness, but under her fingertips, she can feel his pulse racing. For a first kiss, perhaps this is a bit too much, a bit too passionate. Maybe she’s dragging it out too long, or being too intimate. She hardly cares.

If I never get this opportunity again, I should make the most of this one.

When she breaks away from him, she doesn’t bother to explain herself. He’s not reacting yet, so she can escape without facing the consequences. With one polite “thank you’” as a dismissal, she turns and walks away.

Happy birthday to me.