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Chapter Text

Valter had been decimating Emblian soldiers at a village with twisted delight. Blood splattered everywhere he went, staining his psychotic grin. Every single soldier had fallen unceremoniously before him, their lifeless eyes and ashen faces satisfying his thirst for death. More blood pooled on the grass as he tore them apart with his lance, making them perish in the most agonizing ways. Their screams and pleas for mercy were so delicious, he made certain to be as ruthless as possible.

He skewered the last soldier remaining, watching him bleed and choke until he was just another corpse on the battlefield. No matter how many he killed, no matter how much he relished in torturing them until their final breaths, he always hungered for more. But for now, he was content with all the suffering he’d brought upon those fools who dared to harm him and his little prey. And the rest of their army, of course.

Witnessing his vicious methods of eliminating his targets amazed and disturbed Joslyn at the same time. She’d kept her distance from all the carnage after taking care of her share of enemies, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with the ones who were unfortunate to catch his eye.

Valter’s sick enthusiasm persisted long after the soldier beneath him died by his hand.

“It is done.” He plucked his weapon out of the man’s chest.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this,” she admitted with a feeble laugh.

He glanced down at her. “After all this time, you still cower at the sight of bloodshed?” He stroked her dark brown hair, his fingers combing through the short strands. “You have much to learn, my little, faint-hearted summoner.”

Too shy to speak, Joslyn just stood there, blushing at how he gently latched on to a handful of her hair.

Fluttering heart aside, she examined the village they’d saved from yet another attack.

All the other Heroes were either injured, tending to the injured, or taking the injured to safety. Yuri secured Gregory’s bloody arm around his shoulders while he cried out in pain. Chrom hauled up a sobbing Neimi, trying to comfort her and distract her from her wounds. Xander dragged himself away, using his sword as a crutch to make his way to his horse. Arvis panted heavily, carrying an unconscious Seadall with him. He would’ve collapsed had it not been for Ryoma rushing to his aid.

Everywhere Joslyn looked, she saw allies with wounds of all types.

“Damn,” she muttered in distress. “Come on, let’s go help everyone.”

On her way to assist her army, she gasped and grunted, gripping her aching hip.

Valter loomed over her in alarm. “You’re wounded.”

“I’ll be fine.” She strained to straighten herself. “Nnnngh! Shit…!”

Curse those Emblians for harming her. If he could kill them all over again, he would.

He put his lance away, and scooped her up bridal style.

She gasped. “Valter…!”

“Do not think about defying me, little prey.”

“But what about the others?”

“They will assist each other. Hekate,” he called out to his trusted companion.

The dark indigo wyvern approached the pair on command.

He placed Joslyn on Hekate’s back before joining her. His arms circled around her from behind as he grabbed the reins.

“Onward to the Order of Heroes.”

Hekate trilled and took off without warning, inciting panic in Joslyn.

She turned around and clung to Valter, her eyes sealed tight. “Don’t go too fast!”

“Still afraid of heights? But this is exhilarating!” His smile was massive. “Just look at all the Emblian pests below us, with their bodies drenched in blood, limbs scattered about, and faces forever frozen with fear! You should’ve listened to their cries of despair as I hunted each and every one of them and ended their worthless lives in any way I pleased. Puncturing their hearts, decapitating their heads, I could go on. Hahaha! I believe I have outdone myself this time! Wouldn’t you agree?”

She refused to look down, and it wasn’t only because of the graphic scene he joyously described.

His smile subsided at her little whimper. “Harm will not befall you. You are safe.”

“I know.” She opened her eyes, still hesitant to move.

Just as she was about to reluctantly turn around, he restrained her. “I never said you are obligated to let go.” He groped her ass.

She stifled a squeak, burying her face in his armored chest. “Not in front of Hekate!”

“She’s focusing on where she’s going.” Valter began massaging her ass, intent on having some fun with her.

She involuntarily inhaled a breath. A lovely sound that pleased him immeasurably.

“Mmmmm… So soft…”

Her body slowly relaxed against him with a faint moan.

“What’s this? Are you submitting to me already…?”

“You’re a tease,” she mumbled, nuzzling him with a soft hum.

Good. He had tamed her anxiety.

He concentrated on guiding Hekate to their home. After another battle between Askr and Embla, nothing could be more perfect than enjoying a quiet and peaceful flight with his prized possession. The woman who belonged to him, and only him. No one would harm her, unless they wished to get killed.

“Valter?” She looked up at him.

“Yes?”

“After I get patched up, there’s somewhere I’d like to go.”

He sneered in disapproval. “Joslyn, I’d much prefer it if you rest. You can hardly hop about.”

“It’s just my hip. The healers can help with that. Please, Valter? I don’t want to stay in bed and do nothing.”

What was so important that she’d rather do instead of taking the time to recover after another thrilling battle? Gods, he longed to have her all to himself in the comfort of his bedroom now that they were free. But alas, it would have to wait.

“Such a stubborn woman,” he teased. “Wherever you wish to go, I will follow. You will not leave my sight.”

“Since when have I ever left your sight?” she teased back.

“Precisely,” he purred, capturing her lips with a rough, ravenous kiss.

She moaned, clinging to him again. By the time he was satisfied with the kiss, she was left in a daze. “I promise it won’t take long. You’ll have me all to yourself afterwards.”

Something poked her between his legs.

Joslyn gasped with the brightest red cheeks, then tilted his face up. “J-Just focus on flying us back home.”

His laughter filled the skies. “Have I told you how much I absolutely love flustering you every chance I get, little summoner?”

“Too many to count.” And yet, she didn’t hide the fact that she loved it.

“Are you finished yet?” Valter was sitting next to Joslyn at a table, overcome with boredom.

“No, Valter, I’m not.” She turned the page of a blue magic tome she was skimming through.

An impatient breath left his lips. “We have been at the library for several hours. How long must we remain here?”

“Until I find the spell I’m looking for.”

“You said this would not take long. Remember?”

She looked up at him with a sad smile. “I know, I’m sorry. Finding it is harder than I thought. You don’t have to stay here. Maybe you can go hunting or something.”

“Perhaps I might.”

She returned to reading, her brown gaze radiant under the rays of sunshine.

While she was busy going through dozens upon dozens of spells, Valter cast her a sly, sideways glance. Although what they were doing was dull and mundane, he gladly appreciated being given a chance to admire her to his cold, black heart’s content. Her hair was the color of dark chocolate — the superior chocolate, in his humble opinion — and he loved playing with it sometimes. Her soft features were worth touching as well, especially her delicate, defined lips that he could kiss over and over again, tasting his prey whenever he craved for her. With enthusiastic consent.

Her petite figure sitting beside him began to awaken a deep, dark desire for a more…intimate activity.

His eyes drifted down to her lovely blue dress under her cloak, the skirt exposing her thighs just enough to increase his arousal.

How bold of her. Oh, the things he could do to her on this very moment…

He smirked and snuck a hand beneath the table. His fingers gently grazed her delicate skin.

She froze with fiery red cheeks. “V-V-Valter…!”

He didn’t hesitate to massage her inner thigh. “Tempting as it is to leave to do something else, it would be more enticing if you were to…entertain me...”

Suddenly her body felt like it was on fire, and he was barely doing anything. Joslyn muffled a grunt that would’ve given away her own growing desire. It did little to deceive Valter. His languid touch evoked an overpowering need in her, the tome almost slipped out of her grasp.

“V-Valter,” she mumbled, nervously brushing some of her hair off her cheek. “Not here. Someone might see us…!”

“No one else is present,” he cooed, sliding his hand under her skirt.

She gasped, feeling him threatening to tug at her undergarments. His grin displayed a hunger for more than just his next meal. Or the blood of his enemies. Or the agonizing screams of said enemies as he tortured them in the most brutal ways before ending their lives.

But this look was different. Dark. Intimate. Seductive. Overwhelmingly so that her breaths became shallow. Her skin burned just thinking about what could happen if she submitted to him right here, right now.

Despite her deeply yearning for him to have his way with her, she squirmed with a smile, placing a hand over his arm to stop him. “Valter, I mean it. Not here.”

A small laugh rumbled in his throat. “As you wish.” He pulled his hand away at a deliberately slow pace.

Perhaps another time.

She continued blushing long after he was no longer touching her. Now back to spell searching.

Still, he had a fair point. The vast, royal library was completely empty. She kept forgetting the majority of the Heroes who resided at the Order of Heroes feared Valter to the point where they were extremely adamant on making themselves scarce at all costs. Some Heroes ran away whenever they saw him, others reached out for their weapons in case he tried anything, and many more even alerted anyone within earshot with shrieks of abject terror. It was always awkward for Joslyn because her friends were also reluctant to get near her whenever he’s around.

On the bright side, he was the perfect bodyguard. She could trust him to keep her safe, shocking as it may sound. He actually kept the pests away. Especially…certain individuals she’d rather not think about.

“You’re gawking at me.” His sultry voice broke her out of her thoughts.

“Huh?!” She dropped the open tome. “N-No I’m not!”

“I can master you now, if that’s what you desire.”

“Stop it!” She yanked her hood over her head. “Ugh! This is so embarrassing!”

When he didn’t answer, she peeked out, only to be greeted by a mischievous smirk.

“A-Anyway—” she took off her hood, “—I shouldn’t take forever. I’ll find the spell soon.”

“Determined as always.” He propped an elbow on the table and perched his chin in his palm. “What is this spell you are seeking?”

“A spell I want to use on someone I despise.”

“Elaborate.”

She pouted comically. “Narcian was trying to get my attention again, always bragging about how he could ‘captivate’ me with his ‘style and grace’ or some shit like that.”

Valter’s expression became the darkest it could ever be. The mere thought of someone wanting to get too close to the one he’d claimed as his drove him even more insane.

His voice seeped with venom. “I will kill him.”

“Valter, you know I’m not interested in him.” She squeezed his hand reassuringly. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to leave you for another man, let alone someone like him. You’re the one I love, and no one will ever take me away from you.”

He pulled her closer with fierce possessiveness. “I trust you… It’s all the other fools I cannot trust, let alone that pompous buffoon. You are mine, Joslyn. Only mine.”

“If it makes you feel any better, when I look at Narcian, I don’t think of him as the swoon-worthy man he claims himself to be.”

“What do you think he is, then?”

“A delusional dumbass.”

Now that made him laugh. “An accurate description!”

Glad that his mood improved, she kissed his cheek. “Anyway, I was thinking I could get him to switch places with someone who isn’t ‘gorgeous’, as he likes to put it.”

“Ahhhhh, a body-switching spell…!” His eyes gleamed. “No wonder you were so eager to come here. May I suggest the hapless fool befitting for this scheme? Zola.”

“Perfect!” She giggled and returned to reading. “Let’s see how Narcian likes being a hapless fool himself for a day or two. Not that he already is one.”

The pair arrived to the castle gardens, using the sea of colorful flowers as camouflage so nobody would catch them sneaking to where Narcian was currently located. According to Arvis, another proud Narcian hater himself, the arrogant asshole was at the backyard not far from the luxurious greenhouse.

Let’s just say he’d become one of Valter and Joslyn’s best friends and allies as soon as he declared his hatred for Narcian.

Valter expressed tremendous glee at what’s to come. That conceited, cowardly clown was going to be in the body of that cowardly jester. A mismatch made in heaven.

Joslyn was brimming with excitement herself, she did little hops along the way. This was going to be a fun prank.

Narcian was a thorn in both their sides, and it was time for karma to bite him in the ass.

Keeping themselves hidden at the gazebo, they watched as he sat at a table, talking about himself to his friends.

Gangrel was enthralled by the embellished tales, Iago was moderately intrigued, and Zola was just as amazed by Narcian’s story.

“Targets spotted,” Joslyn said, holding a purple tome close to her. “Alright, I’m going to prepare the spell. Go distract them, and wait for the signal.”

“This plan of yours is diabolical!” Valter sighed in false sadness. “If only you displayed a similar, sadistic enthusiasm whenever you spill the blood of our opponents.”

She forced a very awkward laugh. “Heh… I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Do it for me,” he whispered, hugging her from behind. “You would make a fine madwoman.”

“Valter, focus.” She wiggled out of his embrace. “Keep them busy.”

With one final smile, he was on his way to put their master plan into motion.

The four men cut their conversation short once they saw him.

Valter eyed them with a nonchalant smile. “Isn’t this a pleasant sight?”

Zola ducked under the table for cover.

Iago sipped his tea with a pointed stare.

Gangrel grinned. “Hey, Valter! Want some cookies?” He picked up the plate of almond shortbread cookies. “Narcian made them.”

Narcian chuckled with a hand on his chest. “I am proud to declare that they are divine! Of course, they can never be as divine as yours truly!”

The narcissistic bastard sparked an intense desire in Valter to slam his smug face onto the table until he was bruised, bawling, and bleeding. He should pay for believing he could seduce his precious summoner without facing any dire consequences.

But for Joslyn’s sake, he crushed the urge. He could teach him a lesson another day.

“Unhand me,” Iago chided at Zola, who was tugging at his leg. “You’re acting as though you will be executed.”

“Keep him away from me! Keep him away!”

He kicked him away with a sigh. “Pardon his foolish behavior.”

“If I may ask—” Valter’s lips sharpened into a frightening smirk, “—have any of you made any…unwanted advances to my little prey?”

“Hmph. The girl doesn’t pique my interest.”

Zola gulped. “I didn’t go anywhere near her.”

Narcian’s face turned ashen, but he didn’t say anything and looked away.

Gangrel munched on a cookie. “Don’t look at me, I have my own summoner.”

Valter sighed. “I am aware of that.”

“Isn’t he a beauty?” The mad king giggled like a massive goofball. “Aleron drives me WILD! Does your lady love do the same for you?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

He ignored him and stared coldly at Narcian, who masked his fear with an innocent smile. “That leaves only you.”

“I do not know what you are referring to, dear Valter. The little minx must be deceiving you.”

Joslyn shot a glare at him from afar.

Valter shared the same sentiment.

As soon as their eyes met, she gave him a firm nod with eyes that told him to go wild.

Right on cue, he grabbed Narcian by the throat and Zola by the arm.

“What is this?!” Narcian writhed frantically.

“She is MY minx,” Valter hissed through clenched teeth.

Zola wailed for dear life. “No, wait! Don’t punish me! Narcian was the one who’s been flirting with her!”

“Is that so?” he growled at his arrogant adversary like a dangerous beast.

Now he truly wished he could strangle him.

Iago and Gangrel flinched as things escalated rapidly.

“Have you gone mad?!”

“Madder than usual is more like it!” And yet Gangrel kept on eating cookies, treating this whole scene like it was part of a show.

Joslyn began to cast the spell with both hands, concentrating on channeling her magic to the fullest, and aimed straight at Narcian and Zola.

But before she could finish the process, she caught a big spider crawling up her cloak. Her eyes dilated. Her heart stopped cold. Horror left her frozen.

She shrieked like a banshee, startling Valter.

“What in the—?”

Her hands swayed erratically as she fought to swipe it off her. “Get it off, get it off!!!”

She smacked the spider far away from her, and the spheres of light blasted out of her hands. They dashed in the air in the most random patterns.

“Valter!”

“Joslyn!” He dodged one of the spheres, still gripping their intended targets. “What have you done?!”

“I’m sorry, I saw a spider!”

Iago spilled the cookies to deflect a magic sphere with the silver platter. “What is it you were scheming?!”

Narcian and Zola tried to break free from Valter, but he wasn’t having any of it.

“Get your filthy hands off me!”

“Ahhhhhh! Spare me! Please!”

“Curses,” Valter muttered furiously. “Where are the spheres?!”

Joslyn’s eyes darted around. “Damn! I don’t see them!”

Flashes of light zoomed from her peripheral vision, so she turned to find the spheres heading towards her and Valter.

“Valter, watch o—!”

Her warning came too late. The spheres struck them both, throwing them airborne in opposite directions. Joslyn flew over the gardens, crashing into the greenhouse. Hundreds of glass shards rained everywhere, plants and tables fell over and broke on impact, and a sharp pain struck her when she hit the floor.

Valter slammed against a wall across from her with such force, he made a dent on it. He stumbled over and fell on his knees with a pained moan. Eyes fluttering, he fainted in seconds.

“No…” Her vision blurred. She tried to lift an arm up, but it went limp. “Val…ter…”

Seeing him lying there unconscious was the last thing she saw before passing out herself.

A throbbing headache woke her up. Her eyelids felt heavy, so heavy that she didn’t bother opening her eyes right away for fear that it would make the pain worse. What a terrible way to slowly regain consciousness after screwing up a spell like that.

While she took her time to recover, she could hear voices speaking from a distance.

“He’s not waking up,” Alfonse muttered. “Joslyn hasn’t woken up yet, either.”

“Let’s be patient,” Sharena told him, sharing his concern. “The spell must’ve been so powerful to knock them out like that.”

“What kind of spell was it?” Anna inquired.

“I don’t know.”

Valter groaned softly.

Simultaneous gasps and swift footsteps followed suit.

“What happened…?”

“Magic mishap,” Alfonse explained. “You’ve been unconscious for a while.”

“Finally you’re awake.” Anna sighed. “You really had us worried there.”

Gripping her head with a hand, Joslyn finally willed herself to sit up. Despite the piercing, pounding sensation in her skull, she pried her eyes open. Everything was hazy at first, but she could tell Alfonse and Sharena were by her side.

“You’re alright!” Sharena exclaimed in relief. “Thank the gods! Try not to strain yourself, Valter.”

Shock and confusion clashed within her. “What?” Valter’s voice left her lips.

She smacked a hand over her mouth. His voice came from her. Then that meant…

A familiar pair of gloved, masculine hands confirmed everything.

“Oh my fucking gods…!”

“Are you alright?” Anna approached her. “What’s wrong?”

She sprang up and scrambled to check herself in her full-length mirror sitting across from her bed.

Once she was face to face with her reflection, she didn’t see herself. She saw Valter.

Her scream shook everyone in the bedroom, the whole castle, and possibly the heavens above. “Oh no! The spell!”

Alfonse grabbed her by the arm. “Calm down. You need to lie down and rest. Joslyn will wake up soon.”

She jerked her arm away. “Alfonse, don’t you get it?! I am Joslyn! The spell made us switch bodies!”

The royal siblings and Anna looked at her like she — or Valter — had gone crazy. Or crazier, in his case.

“Oh come on! You have to believe me!”

Anna eyed her with a cynical look and crossed arms. “How do we know you’re not playing a trick on us?”

“You must be disoriented.” Sharena began guiding her. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed, and we’ll bring a healer to check on you.”

Joslyn snarled at all three of them. “Fucking hell, you guys! How do you expect me to prove that it’s me while looking like this?!” She gestured dramatically to herself. “I’m telling you the truth, damnit!”

They exchanged glances, blinking in perfect harmony, before responding with amused smiles. “You just proved it.”

She kept glaring at them, not understanding why they were smiling until she remembered Valter didn’t talk like that, let alone lose his patience so easily.

“Very funny.” Letting out a frustrated groan, she plopped on the bed. “Damn it! When Valter wakes up, he’s going to be furious.”

“Don’t say that,” Alfonse said. “I’m sure he’ll understand it was an accident.”

Sharena sat next to her. “Yeah! You didn’t do it on purpose. We all make mistakes.”

Joslyn sighed. “Not like this.”

Anna sat on the other side. “What were you trying to use that spell for, anyway?”

“Long story.”

“Joslyn...” Valter spoke in her own voice with an ominous edge that made even her shudder.

Everyone turned to find him sitting on the bed, trapped in her body. At first glance he seemed calm, yet that icy glare of his told a different story.

Joslyn winced at how he made a soft, feminine girl like her look so disturbing without even trying. “Valter, I know this is bad, but—”

“Seal those lips!”

She obeyed on instinct.

His chilling stare paralyzed Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna. He slowly rose up, approaching them with rough footsteps. “Tell me you three have a solution for this dilemma of ours.”

“Ummmm, well—” Sharena stammered, “—you see, uhhhh…there is a solution for this, but…it’s going to take a while.”

“Why is that?” His eyes narrowed.

Anna moved back a little. “Don’t get upset, but…the mage who can fix these types of magical accidents will…take a week to get here.”

“What?!” Valter and Joslyn yelled.

“So, we are trapped in each other’s bodies? I am trapped in this fragile body?”

“I’m not fragile!”

“Oh? You frequently pull a muscle in your hand. Your left hand, to be precise.” He lifted said hand for emphasis.

“I—That doesn’t prove anything!”

“Yes, it does,” Sharena giggled.

Alfonse and Anna nodded.

Joslyn pouted. “You’re not helping.”

“Look,” Alfonse spoke calmly, “it’ll only be for a week. I’m sure you two can be patient.”

Valter crossed his arms. “…I suppose we don’t have a choice in the matter.”

This didn’t sit well with Joslyn at all, but she knew he was right. This was out of their hands.

A week in each other’s bodies. Gods help them.

“Little prey, why did you have to choose this color for your nails?” Valter had taken off his gloves, and was grimacing at his — Joslyn’s — nails on their way down the empty hallways.

She sighed at the complaint. “What’s wrong with bright pink?”

“It’s repulsive.”

“Don’t even think about removing the polish.” She fiercely pointed a finger at his face.

He smacked her hand away. “At ease, I will leave it be. Just know that purple would have been the superior choice.”

“Because it’s your favorite color?”

“Oh, it’s much more than that.” He smirked, slipping on his gloves. “It is an elegant color that symbolizes who owns you.”

Joslyn blushed for what felt like the millionth time. “I’ll keep that in mind. By the way…” She imitated his cruel smirk. “Shouldn’t I be calling you my little prey?”

The harsh truth made him bristle. “…Do not test me, Joslyn.”

“What? It’s true!” Her cute smile came back. “You can’t call me that for now.”

“Of course,” he grumbled, hating how her gaze looked nothing like his trademark, haunting gaze. “And you cannot gaze at me in such a silly manner.”

“I know.” She giggled softly.

They soon made it to the doorway leading to the giant dining hall. Everyone was having lunch and socializing at all the tables, it was practically jam-packed with Heroes of all kinds.

Valter’s irritation worsened. “This is going to be a nightmare. Curse this situation of ours…”

His discomfort didn’t escape her. She patted his shoulder. “Look, if we can just act like each other like nothing’s happened, nobody will find out.”

“Ha!” An incredulous grin took shape. “You will pretend to be me? You’re far too delicate to give a proper performance.”

Her eye twitched, now regretting her sympathy. “I can do it! And what about you? I doubt you’ll be able to nail my personality.”

“It’s not that complicated. All I have to do is be kind, weak, timid, and emotional.” He rolled his eyes. “It’ll be a humiliating experience.”

“Not as humiliating as it will be for me. I have to act like a deranged, sadistic, bloodthirsty asshole! No offense,” she hastily added with hands up. “I love you.”

“No offense taken.” He knew what he was, and had no shame in it, unlike the body he currently possessed.

Joslyn’s feelings of shame were no secret, either. “There’s nothing we can do about this.”

“Yes, yes. We cannot avoid the inevitable. Come. I am famished, and so are you.”

As he grabbed her hand, she followed along, taking the deepest breaths that she could to calm herself before she became too anxious.

She could do this. They could do this. They’d been together long enough to know each other’s personalities inside and out. Surely neither of them was going to break character in public. At least, she hoped she wouldn’t mess up. Again.

“Good afternoon, Joslyn!” Chrom waved from a table closest to them. “I saved you a triple chicken sandwich for you!”

Yuri nibbled on a chocolate cookie drizzled with caramel. “Don’t forget dessert. You’re gonna love the cookies I’ve baked for us.”

Seadall whimpered, struggling with the temptation to reach out for some cookies. “Yuri, how could you do this to me?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Those cookies… They look delicious!”

“Stop torturing yourself like this.” He patted his back. “A few cookies won’t ruin your figure. It’s all about moderation, remember?”

“Y-Yes… You’re right.” He breathed in and out and succumbed to his cravings as he grabbed a cookie and munched on it. “My stars…!”

“You like them?”

“The rich chocolate and warm caramel blend perfectly!”

“Your praise is music to my ears. See?” Yuri grinned. “Nothing to worry about.”

Chrom chuckled and ate more of his meat pie.

All three men tensed up at “Valter”, who stood right behind “Joslyn”.

Joslyn felt so sorry for them, but there’s nothing she could do.

She smirked at Valter. “Well, little summoner? Don’t let me keep you from mingling with the Prince of Ylisse, the Savage Mockingbird, and the Mystic Dancer.”

Valter willed himself to do one of her girlish giggles. “How surprisingly sweet of you! And they say you can’t be sweet.”

She snickered, cupping his chin. “I will return shortly with my own meal. Don’t run away now.”

“Alright. Don’t keep me waiting, Master!”

She kissed his cheek — it was very awkward kissing herself — and made her way to the food stalls.

Damn, to think Valter had to utter such a saccharine sound. This was going to be a long week.

He took a seat with Chrom, Yuri, and Seadall.

“Are you alright?” Chrom asked.

“Hmmm? Yes, why do you ask?”

“Gangrel told us about what happened,” Yuri explained.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” he reassured them.

“I’m no magic expert or anything, but maybe you shouldn’t cast spells that are above your level. What kind of spell did you cast that knocked you and Valter out, anyway?”

“I was just practicing with my magic. I guess the spell was more advanced than I thought.” He laughed in an awkward tone. “Valter was so mad at me for it.”

Seadall frowned before biting into another cookie. “You must practice more caution. You could’ve been seriously injured.”

“If you want,” Chrom chimed in, “I’ll see if I can ask Miriel to help you.”

“I would love that!” Valter bit into the chicken sandwich, careful to not get too carried away with how delicious it was to him. He wasn’t thrilled about eating those cookies, but sacrifices needed to be made.

What was he getting himself into? Lances were his strong suit, not magic! He wanted to reject his offer of assistance, but knowing Joslyn, she would’ve happily accepted it. She was fond of Miriel, for reasons he didn’t quite comprehend.

He’d have to discuss this with her to not make a fool of himself during training. Her guidance depended on it.

Wait a minute. He could concoct excuses to not participate at the training grounds. Nobody would obligate him — or should he say Joslyn — to go through with it.

Potential crisis averted.

Far from where they were, Joslyn was browsing through the food that was neatly organized for all the Heroes to serve themselves. Chefs were cooking in the background, with a few familiar faces helping them with the workload. Jakob watched over Felicia so there wouldn’t be any disasters. Dedue was too late to prevent one himself after Annette dropped a sack of sugar. And Raphael was cooking while indulging in a plate of pork chops, with Ingrid drooling over the meat he was grilling.

Considering Joslyn wasn’t literally herself, eating her usual foods wasn’t going to cut it. It hurt to pass by the slices of cakes, the batches of brownies, and the stacks of cookies.

Oh wait! She could simply pretend to be Valter by gathering some for his little summoner. That way, she could eat them when she’s alone. Her sweet tooth would be satisfied!

Until then, she needed to stick with Valter’s diet. She had to settle for food that he enjoyed devouring. He really loved eating meat and poultry. Steak, chicken, ham, bacon, pork, fish, among other types of meat. And something else she knew she wasn’t going to eat herself in a million fucking years because she wasn’t going that far for the sake of accuracy.

His tastes weren’t one-hundred percent different from hers now that she thought about it. This would be easy enough. Content with roasted steak, a side of carrots and vegetables, plenty of mashed potatoes with butter, and a couple of goblets of water for both of them, she was on her way to meet up with Valter, Chrom, Yuri, and Seadall.

“I have returned.” She placed his water beside her.

“Great!” Valter imitated her perky smile.

Then he glanced at a group of people from a distance…who happened to be his fellow generals from Grado. Caellach and Riev.

“You know, why don’t you spend some time with your friends?”

One glance at who he was referring to caused her to freeze momentarily.

“I’d rather not,” she replied too quickly.

“Come on, you need to learn that no one else will sweep me off my feet.”

Remembering the others were watching them, she smiled. “Excuse us.”

“Okay?” Chrom seemed confused, but kept eating.

Seadall minded his own business, mostly out of silent hostility towards Valter.

Yuri was the one who was wary as ever, much to Joslyn’s dismay.

Crap!

“What are you gawking at, pigeon?” she demanded coldly to get him off their backs.

“Relax, don’t bear your fangs at me now.”

“Then look elsewhere.” Sorry, Yuri, she thought, bottling up her remorse.

She dragged Valter away from prying ears so fast, he almost lost his balance.

“Unhand me,” he whispered fiercely.

“What are you doing?! I’m NOT hanging out with those guys!”

“Have you forgotten you’re not yourself? I would be ecstatic to spend time with my companions.”

“You fucking—!”

“Valter,” he chided for all to hear. “What did I tell you about not getting jealous of any guy that comes near me?”

She caught a glimpse of Chrom, Yuri, and Seadall staring at them, along with Arvis, Xander, and many others.

That jerk!

“I have every right to let others know that you belong to me.” She captured him in a possessive embrace.

“You’ve made it crystal clear a million times already.”

“Must we part? I will behave.” Don’t do this to me!

“You still need to work on your attitude. Now go!” He began pushing her forward.

“Va—Little prey, cease this,” she stammered, half annoyed and half terrified as she tried to stop him.

“Have fun with your friends!” With one final push, he shoved her towards Caellach and Riev’s table.

Joslyn struggled to not lose her footing. By the time she saved herself from falling on the carpet, she was face to face with the two men.

“Hmmmm?” Riev grinned in a way that made her very uncomfortable. “Heehee! If it isn’t the Moonstone himself!”

“Took you long enough,” Caellach remarked, taking a huge bite of his chicken leg.

Valter retrieved her food and drink and placed them at the table. “Behave yourself.”

She gritted her teeth as he left. You damn bastard.

“What’s the matter? Did your prey punish you?” Riev joked.

“…In a sense,” she said.

He brought a plate of food closer to her. “Well, glad you’re finally here. I have a special treat for you.”

“Err… Thank you.”

“What’s with you?” Caellach studied him briefly. “Normally looking at meat makes you salivate.”

Shit! She’s blowing it. “Oh, it does,” she answered properly, hoping that her expression resembled that of a man who hungered…for food. “It truly does. Forgive me. You can say I’m a bit distracted. A delicious meal will remedy that.”

“No doubt about that. Eat up, then.”

With nowhere to run without raising suspicion, she took a seat between Caellach and Riev.

“You did not have to make this for me, though it is very appetizing.” Joslyn picked up her goblet to drink some water in hopes that she was acting accordingly.

Riev’s smile made her shudder. “Oh yes! We both know a fearsome beast such as yourself enjoys eating the flesh of his enemies.”

She spat out her water with wide eyes. A portion of it went down the wrong way, causing her to let out rasping coughs and gasps.

“Shit!” Caellach patted her back. “Easy!”

“I-I’ll be alright,” she wheezed, coughing and clearing her throat harshly.

He continued patting her while she tried to regain control of her breathing.

When she recovered, she added, “How humiliating.”

“Are you good?”

“Yes, yes, I am alright.”

“Never thought I’d ever see that happen to you.”

Riev shook his head. “There’s a first time for everything.” He stabbed the “meat” with his utensils and cut a good chunk of it. “Here, Valter. I cooked it just the way you like it. Enjoy!”

The fear from before she started choking on water came back.

Oh fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!

“Splendid,” she forced herself to mimic Valter’s morbid eagerness, even if it hurt her soul.

“Go on! Try it! And do pay your compliments to the chef.”

Fucking hell, she was screwed!

Swallowing her reluctance, she cut some of the “meat” and took a bite.

Her gag reflex nearly gave her away, but she managed to chew. “Mmmmm…! You never disappoint, Riev.”

“Ha! Chef Riev has succeeded once again!”

Caellach just looked at them both in disgust. “You guys are freaks.”

Joslyn chuckled. “More for us, then.”

While the men returned to their meals, she covered her mouth, praying she wouldn’t throw up. She forced herself to swallow the “meat”.

Fuck, this was so disgusting! Sure, it tasted like a mix of beef and pork, but it didn’t change the fact that it was not ordinary meat.

She slowly snuck a glare at Valter, who waved mockingly at her as he munched on what she wished had been her lunch.

Making sure nobody was watching, she flipped him off.

“Oh! Valter!” Riev handed him a goblet. “Have a drink. You look like you might need it.”

“My thoughts exactly.” She wasn’t one for wine, but might as well try it out.

After taking a big sip, she paused at the strong, metallic taste. She forced herself to swallow. “…Riev, this isn’t wine.”

“What? You’re not in the mood for blood?”

Her eyes dilated. BLOOD?!

Valter whipped around when he heard that.

Joslyn became rapidly pale and fainted, falling out of her seat. The blood spilled on the floor.

Valter got back in-character as he hopped out of his chair. “Valter!”

“Valter?!” Riev peeked down.

Caellach blinked. “Didn’t see that coming.”

Like the compassionate maiden that he was forced to be, Valter hurried to check on his beloved, holding her in a panic.

Concern and exasperation clashed inside him. This week better pass by quickly for both of their sakes.

Chapter Text

Loud, masculine, gagging noises resonated from Valter’s elegant bedroom. Joslyn had been vigorously brushing her teeth in his bathroom, giving her tongue extra attention so she could get rid of the awful aftertaste of that godsforsaken “food and drink” that she had the rotten luck of consuming. Just remembering the incident before she fainted made her want to gag more.

Valter leaned against the doorway, smirking with arms crossed. “You are overreacting. It tastes like any other meat.”

“Shut up, Valter.” She rinsed her mouth and began brushing for the sixth time. “And don’t you dare mention the ‘drink’.”

“Did you save them for me, by any chance?”

“Yes. It’s a miracle your friends bought my excuse to ‘save them for later’. By the way, they’re in your personal cooling storage.”

“Perfect!” He gleefully rubbed his hands together, licking his lips in that unsettling manner of his. “I cannot wait to indulge in them!”

“You can enjoy them when we’re back to normal.”

The words crushed him. “Why should I?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” She rinsed her mouth again and looked at him from the mirror. “I don’t want you eating and drinking you-know-what while you’re in my body. For the love of the gods, please control yourself until this is over… For me?” she added sweetly.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “I will respect your wishes.”

“Thank you.”

After the seventh coating of toothpaste, Joslyn’s mouth finally felt clean and minty fresh.

“Much better!” She got out of the bathroom with an enthusiastic smile. “Now to do some shopping.”

Valter swooped in front of her. “And just where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going to my favorite places to see what they’re selling and stuff.”

“Then I will accompany you.”

Her smile became lopsided as she circled around him. “Valter, you can’t be with me twenty-four seven.”

He grabbed her arm. “You could ruin everything! You are fortunate everyone assumed I’d fallen ill earlier.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” she sighed, wriggling free. “I’ll be fine on my own. I’m just going shopping. Where’s the harm in that?”

His vexed groan spoke volumes, but for the life of him, he couldn’t say no. “Stubborn woman. Very well, you may go, but DO NOT—” a finger got super close to her face, she flinched, “—break character under ANY circumstances. You must act like me at all times. Is that clear?”

“Crystal…” She lightly lowered his hand. “Calm down, it’s not a big deal.”

“You know I am correct. Your portrayal must be accurate.”

Joslyn put her hands on her hips. “The same goes for you, too. You’re going to be alone for the time being, so it’s only fair that I remind you to not break character either…little prey.” Her lips curled into a cheeky smirk.

That riled him up instantaneously. “I do not need a reminder from you.”

“Uh-huh.” Her bright smile returned. “Well, I’m off. Bye!”

She scooped up and slipped on her bag of gold from her dresser mirror — well, his own purple leather bag, since hers was blue and covered with colored hearts — and left the room.

The fresh air combined with the warm weather made her trip to town all the more pleasant. Birds were singing their lovely melodies, flowers were blooming in all the colors of the rainbow, and the sunny skies made the day brighter.

Things were going to go smoothly. Or as smoothly as possible. So Joslyn’s going shopping while in her bloodthirsty boyfriend’s body. Nothing new there. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to go out on her own and do her own thing. Valter was being dramatic, and she was going to prove it by enjoying her peaceful afternoon without blowing it.

As she strolled down the stone paths, she suddenly started sensing she was being watched. A lot of the townsfolk were staring at her with various levels of fear and hostility. Parents kept their children close, couples scurried away, and a bunch of other people either froze or avoided going anywhere near her. The tension in the air was electrifying no matter where she went, she didn’t directly look at anyone to not accidentally give off the wrong impression.

What did she expect? They were wary of Valter. But did they have to keep staring at her? At him?

Pretending like everything was normal, she entered one of her favorite shops, humming softly to herself.

Act like Valter. That’s all she needed to do. Piece of cake.

Oh, cake sounded good! Her next stop would be the bakery for sure.

The more she browsed through the items, the easier it was for her to relax. Nothing like a shopping spree to make her forget about her worries. She picked up one of the shopping baskets and began gathering the stuff she wanted to buy. A pink leather journal, a black quill pen, a little bottle of ink, a dozen hair bows, a flower necklace, and a couple of blue and pink, heart-and-bunny bracelets she liked. She also grabbed some medical supplies to replenish the stash back home. One could never be too prepared.

To honor his promise, she threw in some items that Valter would like. That way, others would see he’s buying things that made her happy while he did shopping of his own, like any good romantic partner would do.

Then something caught her eye across from her. Cute and colorful stuffed animals were huddled together at a table. They came in all shapes and sizes, with some of them having adorable outfits and different expressions to give them their own personalities.

Her eyes sparkled at the bundles of fluff. “Stuffies,” she whispered eagerly. “So cute…!”

She gasped and covered her mouth, hoping nobody heard her — Valter — gushing over plushies, of all things. Thankfully, no one did. She happily zeroed in on the plushies, approaching them at a brisk pace.

“Now then, which ones should I get…?”

The stuffed blue hedgehog that’s the size of an apple was the first one that appealed to her, so she reached out for it.

A pair of smaller hands grabbed it as at the same time she did.

“Hmmmm?”

“Huh?” Bernadetta stood beside her. “S-Sorry, do you want th—” her gray eyes dilated once she looked up, “—AHHHHHHHHH!!!” She backed away frantically. “Valteeeeeeer!!!”

Her shrieks startled everyone in the shop, Joslyn’s heart raced a million times per minute.

“Calm yourself, little mouse,” she tried to say in a composed, arrogant tone. “There’s no need to be fr—”

“Take it!” She shoved the plushie into her hands.

“Ahhh! Wait a second!”

“I-I don’t want it! It’s yours! Don’t torture me or anything like you do with your enemies!!!” Poor Bernadetta stormed out of the shop exactly like a frightened mouse, screaming so much that she alarmed everyone from outside.

That was…something.

Everyone stared at Joslyn, frozen in place.

Godsdamnit!

Time to make her exit. She awkwardly picked up the hedgehog she wanted.

“For my little summoner,” she clarified with a weak grin.

They still didn’t move or speak.

Her smile died out. “I did not harm the girl, nor will I harm any of you,” she snapped. “You can stop gawking now! Sheesh!”

Her outburst got some people to step back. Others looked away, while many more actually moved on with their lives.

Whether she sounded in-character or not, she didn’t know or care right now.

The clerk held back a gasp when she went to the counter. She paid no mind to him and quietly set a brown sack of gold for him to take, packed her own things in a bag, and walked away, never looking back.

“Keep the rest.” It’s not like she (or Valter) was in desperate need for money, anyway.

Well, that’s one place she couldn’t go to for a while. Big mistake for her to underestimate how notorious Valter was in all of Askr.

All these weird antics also made her hungry.

“Now where’s the bakery…?”

A coral-colored cottage came into view.

She perked up and walked faster. “Yes!”

Once again, more townsfolk studied her with spiteful and anxious eyes that followed her every step of the way.

Oh come on! They were acting like she — Valter— could slaughter them at any second. He was under a contract, too! It’s not like he could kill anyone outside of combat.

Still, she understood their concerns. The pitfalls of being in love with a beast.

“Stay calm, Joslyn,” she mumbled to herself. “Just act like you don’t care about what they think. That’s what Valter would do. They’re not afraid of you, they’re afraid of him. Act like Valter… Act like Valter…”

It was harder than it had any right to be. Being scrutinized like this was so nerve-wracking. How could Valter live like this? His steel confidence was something to be envied.

Even the security guards by the bakery’s entrance gave her nasty looks. Their menacing appearances didn’t help either, with their black-and-gray clothes, bulky bodies, large muscles, silver gauntlets, and what looked like burn marks on their faces and arms.

If she weren’t Valter, they would’ve towered over her delicate, petite self. Now she’d met the men before, but they still intimidated her. Hell, she didn’t even know their names.

“Good afternoon.”

One of them, a man with a short, sandy beige braid and a light stubble, glared at her with frigid, sea green eyes.

“Oh great.” He exhaled a bitter sigh. “You again.”

“Excuse me?” she asked innocently.

“Don’t play dumb, freak.” The other guard, a big and buff man with a messy, ginger man bun crossed his arms. His olive green gaze oozed with venom. “You came here just yesterday.”

She hesitated, even more baffled. Damn it, Valter, what did you do???

“Well?” the first guard demanded. “Aren’t you going to say something snarky to us like last time?”

“No…?” Her calm tone brimmed with confusion. She made her way to the door. “I only came here to purchase confections for myself and my little summoner. That is all.”

“Hmph. Too bad Joslyn’s not here with you.” His face softened. “Don’t see how a sweet girl like her would want to keep someone like you around.” That softness vanished. “She should at least keep you on a leash.”

Joslyn stopped right before she pushed the door open. Despite knowing better, she took it very personally.

“I’ll have you know, fellow ruffian,” she said slowly with icy, teal eyes, “that I am not a dog.”

“Ha!” The second guard smirked. “That’s hilarious! With the way you behave, you might as well be.”

Before she realized what she was doing, she gripped both men, one by the vest, the other one by the shirt.

They were about to pummel her in a panic until she jerked them closer.

“Ah, ah, ah!” she sang ominously. SHIT! What have I done?!

This was bad! What was she doing?! She’s lucky they didn’t wallop her just now.

The witnesses that were watching had no intention to intervene, though some knights on patrol were prepared to throw themselves at her. She needed to get out of this, and fast!

“You wouldn’t wish to harm me now, would you?” she continued nonchalantly. “My little prey would be displeased with you… Very, very displeased. If she were to see the slightest hint of an injury on me, she will hunt down whoever is responsible for it. I believe you’ve heard tales about how devoted she is to me… Have you not?”

The guards were tongue-tied.

“As for me…” She smirked as sadistically as she could, showing plenty of teeth to go with it. “How unfortunate that I am unable to do anything to you, courtesy of the contract… However, I could report this incident to her. Imagine how furious she would be…”

Again, they didn’t have any snappy comebacks. In fact, the two men were genuinely concerned.

The knights close by felt the same way.

The guard with the braid gulped. “As long as you leave us alone, we’ll leave you alone.”

“Y-Yeah,” the bigger one breathed, forcing a smile. “W-We’ll back off, we swear. Simple as that, right? No harm done?”

Satisfied with their answers, she released them, giving them a more innocent smile. Well, sort of. “I’m glad we have come to an agreement. Good day!”

They backed away quickly, and so did the knights.

Life continued on as she turned and entered the bakery. All while panicking internally.

She heaved and smacked a hand over her racing heart. Holy shit! What she did was insane! Now she knew the men weren’t talking about her, but she felt the need to defend Valter. Contrary to popular belief, she wasn’t blind to the kind of person he was. But he’s still her partner. It’s only fair she defended him like he defended her.

Still, she better not pull a stunt like that again, for her sake and his.

By the looks on their blanched faces before leaving them, those guards weren’t going to bother him anymore. She wasn’t bluffing when she said she’d give anyone who tried to hurt him a piece of her mind. Let’s say her track record was…widely known.

Devotion was her weapon. Physical violence wasn’t her way of defending the man she loved, unless it was absolutely necessary, like in battles. Who said she needed to be violent and unhinged like him to be threatening?

Moving on now. Joslyn got in line and checked out the sweets that were on display. There were so many choices, she didn’t know where to start. Of course, she couldn’t leave without buying anything for Valter. He was all about the sour treats, while she preferred the sweet treats. Two different tastes, two similar sweet tooths.

The minutes passed until it was her turn to order.

The Gatekeeper was under the counter, putting out the newest batch of brookies. “Greetings!” He rose to smile at the next customer. “How may I—” the color in his partially concealed face vanished, “—V-V-V-V-V-Valter!”

Oh great. First she unintentionally scared Bernadetta away, then dealt with a hostile pair of guards and barely escaped from getting beaten by knights, and now she made a knight tremble with terror.

“Quivering already, I see,” she spoke under her breath, putting up a condescending smile.

“Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?!”

“I’ve come to purchase some delectable treats for myself and Joslyn. Why else would I be here?” Don’t scream, don’t scream! I won’t hurt you! “As amusing as it is to savor your fear—”

“Whatever you want, it’s all yours!”

Wait! WHAT?!

Her anxiety hidden beneath had been snuffed out. “…Whatever I want?”

“Yeah,” he replied faster than he could move around to prepare a box. “I-I’ll even give you a discount! Pick whatever you like!”

This couldn’t be real. On one hand, this felt so wrong. But on the other hand, the temptation was too strong.

“How kind of you! Now listen closely…”

Joslyn went on to list everything she wanted with perfect clarity and intonation. Cookies, brownies, brookies, cupcakes, croissants, eclairs, cakes, cheesecakes, tarts — practically everything the bakery had to offer.

Getting an abundant amount of sweets that wouldn’t cost her much? It was a dream come true! Yet shame gnawed at her heart. She’d never felt so awful in her entire life for taking advantage of the Gatekeeper. He did nothing wrong in life.

“All done, Sir!” He saluted her with beads of sweat and a lopsided grin.

For a moment, she couldn’t believe what just happened, but got back on track by examining the treats.

“This display is a sight to behold! However—” she put on her best deadly smirk, gesturing with a hand, “—it appears the amount of chocolate is still rather…lacking. Wouldn’t you say? My summoner has a penchant for it, you see. More lemon and lime tarts would be most appreciated as well.”

“Y-Yes, Sir! Right away, Sir!” The Gatekeeper hastily retrieved more chocolatey and citrusy treats, and organized them in one of the boxes. “Here you go! Those are free of charge!” Another stiff salute from him. “Your total is eight thousand gold!”

She calculated the prices in her head. That was half the total of what she could’ve paid!

“You have my utmost gratitude!” Joslyn sounded happier than she intended, but at least she didn’t sound too off. She paid for everything and shooed him away. “Run along now.”

“Have a nice day, oh great Grado general!” He scurried off to the other end of the counter to tend to another customer that didn’t freak him out.

Her cruel act faded now that she was alone again. “Damn, I’m such an asshole…”

She secured the five boxes in her arms, with her shopping bag dangling on her right arm. It struck her that carrying all of this would’ve been a hassle if she had been herself. The perks of having Valter’s tall, strong, and powerful figure.

Now to head back home. Gods, being Valter tortured her kind soul. Maybe she should’ve practiced more restraint. Who knew sweets would fuck with her morals that badly?

There goes another person she needed to apologize to somehow.

Wait a minute. There was a way!

She settled at an empty booth, and fished for her leather journal, quill pen, and bottle of ink. Then she began writing the first letter to Bernadetta as she “apologized for Valter’s behavior”.

Only to realize her handwriting was nothing like her own. It was Valter’s handwriting. All the cursive words she wrote were too crisp and elegant compared to her more casual style. Not that her writing was illegible, but the stark contrast between his style and hers would be noticeable to anyone.

She dropped the pen, flabbergasted. “How in the fuck?” she hissed. “Godsdamnit! I have his body and his handwriting!”

Yuri’s sarcastic snicker shattered her concentration. “Never knew you were fond of pink.”

Her heart slammed against her rib cage. She shut the journal before he could see the letter.

“The pigeon has arrived,” she said in a mocking tone. “Wonderful.”

“Easy there. Your aversion to pink isn’t a secret, so seeing you with that journal is unexpected. Are you warming up to the color?”

“They didn’t have them in other colors,” she lied, wishing she could smack herself for making such a crucial mistake. “I had to purchase what I could find.”

“Uh-huh. Well, don’t mind me. Just came here to try out the new desserts.”

“The counter is over there. Now leave me be.”

“Ha. Ever the solitary one.” He eyed the boxes. “That’s a lot of sweets you got there.”

“They are for Joslyn.” She pulled them away from Yuri. “And myself, of course.”

“Is that so?” Surprise and amusement flickered in his ever-perceptive gaze. “The beast does have a heart.”

Joslyn took offense to that. Was Valter caring about her really that difficult for people to believe?

“If you are finished being a nuisance, I wish to be alone.”

“Sure…” And yet, he wouldn’t stop staring at her.

This was making her uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable.

A pang of panic pierced her. Did he know? What if he knew something wasn’t right? He didn’t catch what she was writing, did he? Were her vocabulary and mannerisms off?

Finally he shrugged. “Do whatever you want. Can’t judge someone who likes sweets. I indulge in them just as much.” He opened one of the boxes. “Wow! You sure got a lot of them. You wouldn’t mind sharing one, would you?”

“I don’t feed pigeons.”

Yuri smirked. “Come on, the little dove won’t miss it. That big brownie with mint icing and chocolate drizzle looks very appetizing.” He reached for it.

She suddenly sealed the box with both hands. “Do not grab that one!”

He smirked more. “Why not?”

“Because…” Joslyn tried to not look away. “Because I have purchased that brownie for my little prey. It was the last one remaining.” She smirked back. “Aside from chocolate, she’s quite fond of mint. As am I, and I wish for us to share it together.”

“That’s…oddly romantic of you.” For a moment, he gazed at him closely, taken aback by her excuse.

More anxiety struck deep inside. Please buy the story! Please!

“She really tamed you more than I thought.” Yuri patted her shoulder. “Alright, the brownie’s yours. I’ll take a lemon tart instead.”

She made a Valter-like growl. “Mine!”

He replied with a cheeky snicker, “Keep those fangs away, Moonstone! I’m just messing with you. See you around.” He waved goodbye while on his way to the counter.

About time he was gone. Joslyn let out a shaky breath with a hand over her pounding heart.

“Fuck. Being cruel is exhausting…”

Back at the Order of Heroes, Valter had been minding his own business by relaxing at the castle gardens. Other than honing his combat capabilities, nature soothed him when he wasn’t focused on tearing enemies apart.

These incoming days were going to be dull. If he couldn’t sate his bloodlust, he was bound to be overcome with boredom. Even if he wanted to go on missions, he couldn’t. Not like this.

But this was only going to last for a week. He could endure it. Complaining about it would be meaningless.

He relaxed by the flowers, letting his mind wander while cleaning and polishing his lance. When he achieved the sheen he loved to see, he smirked. Now it was spotless and ready to impale its next target.

He set the lance aside and glanced at the scenery around him. Every time he saw flowers of any kind, particularly those of any shade of blue, they reminded him of Joslyn. Of all the living things he wouldn’t hesitate to crush, they were an exception. They always were, long before meeting her.

“Perhaps I should surprise her somehow once we are ourselves again,” he mused, being surprisingly gentle to a blue flower sitting beside a purple one.

Blue for Joslyn, and purple for Valter. She was a flower he never wanted to see crumpled. Whoever dared to lay a hand on her would suffer.

“Hey, Joslyn!” Gregory jogged down the marble steps, waving excitedly. “Hey!”

Valter gripped his lance tight, keeping his scowl of disapproval hidden. There goes his chance of rest and relaxation.

“Why does it have to be Griss’s counterpart…?” Swallowing his disdain, he looked up with a beaming grin. “Hi, Gregory! What brings you here?”

“You won’t believe what kind of stuffed animals I’ve just found!”

“Really? New plushies?”

“Yeah! Come on, I’ll show you.” He gestured for him to follow. “You’re going to love them! Trust me, it’s cuteness overload!”

A protest was dangerously close to leaving the tip of his tongue. He had been coming up with endless excuses to not interact with anyone all day, both to avoid being lured into situations that went against his character, and to not interact with those he found dull, insufferable, or both.

But his luck had been depleted. If he were to decline, it would seem suspicious.

“Okay!” He giggled with extra excitement. “Let’s go see the new cuties!”

Remain calm.

Unless he wanted Joslyn to reprimand him for upsetting one of her closest friends, he needed to be on his best behavior.

Shortly after, they were in Gregory’s room.

A plethora of stuffed animals were on his pale green plush bed, all huddled together.

“Tadaaaaa!” Gregory grinned. “What do you think?”

“They’re so cute!” Valter scooped up a bubblegum pink teddy bear. Deep down, he detested holding it. Pink just wasn’t his favorite color.

“I know, right?” He nuzzled a little, bright yellow bat that’s small enough to fit in his hands. Its beady black eyes and sunflower pattern inside its wings and ears made it stand out more. “Pick whichever ones you want. I bought all of these for both of us.”

“Really? You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s okay. I know they’ll find a home with you.”

Curses. He didn’t know which ones to grab. Well, he knew the teddy bear suited Joslyn’s tastes. Though frankly she never discriminated against stuffed animals.

Think like Joslyn. If she were here, which ones would she choose?

Then he saw a stuffed animal sitting between a fuzzy, fuchsia crab with a round body and a rainbow axolotl with a similar body shape. Both of them had black eyes and cute smiles. The plush between them was the first one Valter knew was perfect. A teal-colored wyvern.

He set the teddy bear down and picked it up. The wyvern had the softest fur he’d ever felt underneath his fingertips. Its beady black eyes glinted, and it had a round snout and a tender smile that was reminiscent of Joslyn’s. It was no coincidence that the color was the same as his hair and eyes.

He gently cradled the plush animal, stroking its head while smiling softly. This one was genuinely appealing, even for him.

Gregory smiled, putting the bat he was holding on the bed. “Looks like you have a new friend.”

He cuddled the stuffed wyvern. “I love it so much. It reminds me Valter.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s the same color as his hair and eyes, and he loves wyverns.”

“True.” He chuckled. “Though compared to him, this little guy is cute.” Then he jolted. “Damn! Uhhhh, that came out wrong. Sorry! What I meant to say is Valter’s…not the kind of guy to be cute.”

“Hey, he can be cute when he wants to be.” Although Valter’s tone didn’t show a hint of annoyance, deep down he was…seething?

Being referred to as “cute” was insulting to him, so why was he agitated that Gregory didn’t think he could be cute for Joslyn? Man, if he could get his hands on—

“You okay?”

“What?” He froze. “I’m fine. Really.”

“You looked distracted. You’re not mad, are you? I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk. I know how much Valter means to you. You gush over him a lot, and it’s no wonder he’s interested in you.” His smile was soft. “It’s still a match I don’t get, to be honest. You’re so sweet and gentle, and he’s your opposite. But who said love has to make sense? If he makes you happy, then I’ll support you no matter what.”

His words appeased him as he smiled. “Thank you…”

“I still worry he might hurt me, though.” He forced a laugh. “Can you blame me?”

“It’s okay. I promise he won’t hurt you.” Gods, he’s pathetic. Griss has more of a spine than he ever will.

“By the way, I’m surprised you love that one so much. I figured you’d gush over the bear.”

Curses! “Of course I love the teddy bear!” He scooped up the bear in a hurry, cuddling its cheek. “He’s bright bubblegum pink!”

“Whew! That’s a relief. I got that one just for you.”

Crisis narrowly averted. Valter hugged him for good measure. “Thanks, Gregory. You’re the best!”

“No problem!” He laughed, hugging back with so much enthusiasm, it made Valter grimace when he wasn’t looking. “Come here and give me a hug!”

He grunted, laughing and hugging on cue to suppress his discomfort that was rising rapidly. Make it stop…!

After spending time with the delicate man who he wished could grow a backbone overnight, he eventually left his bedroom, carrying the stuffed wyvern and teddy bear with him. He had also chosen three smaller ones that Joslyn would absolutely love to cradle in her hands. A sky-blue-and-white rabbit with floppy ears and blue eyes, the bright yellow bat Gregory had been holding earlier, and a baby blue bat with a fuzzy, baby pink collar adorned with a crystal heart charm.

He settled them on her bed so they could greet her when she returned. He was still concerned about her, but at the same time, he needed to have faith in her. Everything was going to be alright.

There was a gentle knock on the open door. It was the dignified prince of Brodia, Prince Diamant. The one Valter personally preferred out of the two siblings.

“Oh! Prince Diamant!”

“Hello, Joslyn,” Diamant spoke with a kindhearted smile. “I hope I am not interrupting anything.”

“Oh no, not at all. I just came back after hanging out with Gregory.”

“Ahhhh. If you have time to spare, would you like to accompany me to the infirmary? The healers have requested your assistance.”

“Oh, sure.” He followed Diamant out of the room.

Now this would be a less stressful event. Tending to the injured was easy enough. How difficult could it be?

Many Heroes filled the large infirmary. The last battle had taken a toll on compared to previous battles. No amount of thorough preparations could change that.

Some of them were almost fully healed, while others still had a long road to recovery. The ones who had healed were helping the healers in any way they could.

Arvis was lying on a bed not too far from Valter and Diamant. He sat up slightly with a grunt, his bare torso and arms covered with bandages. A couple of patches were scattered on his face, and his lower lip was a little swollen.

“Joslyn,” he said.

“Hey, Arvis.” Valter sat beside him. “How are you feeling?”

“I am terribly sore and fatigued.”

“Don’t strain yourself,” Diamant warned. “You’ve endured the worst of it during our last battle.”

“I know, but I had to protect Seadall.”

Seadall, who was sitting on a chair beside him, didn’t have the courage to look him in the eye. “This is all my fault. If I had practiced more caution…”

“No. Do not blame yourself. This—” he gestured to his injuries, “—was the price I chose to pay.”

Valter eyed him quietly. What noble words.

“Are you feeling well?” Arvis asked him.

“Hmmmm? Oh! The accident.” He brushed some strands of hair off his cheeks. “I’m okay.”

“What is it that you have been doing when it occurred?”

Of course he would inquire about the damn incident. “I was only working on a spell. I guess it was more than I could handle.”

He sighed. “Joslyn, if you wish to improve, you cannot force it. You’re fortunate neither you nor Valter were harmed.”

“A spell…” Seadall blinked.

Oh, he disliked that pensive expression. Valter grinned a Joslyn-like grin. “It was a flight spell! We wanted to mess with Narcian and Zola, but instead we were the ones who went flying instead.”

Felix scoffed from the bed next to Arvis. “Just kick him in the ass. Then he can fly.”

“Felix, come on,” Annette scolded, replacing the bloody bandages on his arm with fresh ones.

“What? The guy’s annoying as hell.”

Arvis glanced at Valter. “Would you be so kind as to give my legs a massage? Everyone is currently occupied with other patients, and the tension in my muscles is tormenting me.”

“Sure, I can help with that.” He positioned himself on the bed, and began massaging his left leg.

He suddenly inhaled a breath when he touched his thigh, holding back what would’ve been a harsh scream. “Joslyn, there is a deep cut there!”

Valter jerked. “Damn! Sorry!”

“You’re the one who tended to his wounds last time,” Felix stated. “How did you forget?”

“I tended to a lot of people,” she countered with a pout.

“And? You’ve got them all memorized.”

Curses! How was he supposed to know about anyone’s injuries? Joslyn’s the expert, not him.

To make his life easier, he rolled up Arvis’s pants to not go at it blind. The massage continued from there.

“Nnnngh.” Arvis breathed. “Yes, there. The knot is right there.”

No wonder he was suffering. Valter carefully rubbed his legs, avoiding the bloody bandages concealing his worst injuries. “You’re going to need those changed soon.” He saw Linhardt standing there, being his grating, lazy self. “Linhardt, can you help me out here, please?”

He looked away, covering his mouth a little. “No more blood. I’ve seen enough of it already.”

“Are you always this squeamish?” Innes said dryly from across.

“Unfortunately,” Hubert sighed in the bed next to him, his arm resting over his ribs. “Having him heal severe wounds is like yanking out teeth.”

Linhardt glared weakly at Hubert. “That’s ironic. You didn’t want to cover up my own.”

“That’s because I can barely stand, you fool.”

Valter sneered at their bickering, but focused on preparing some bandages.

“You went to the bathroom like it was nothing,” Linhardt remarked. “You seemed fine enough.”

Hubert let out a dismissive grunt. “You were too lazy to assist me, so I had to move as slowly as I possibly could to not make matters worse for myself. Clearly it was a strenuous process.”

“I was trying to not throw up! Either I was going to lie down, or throw up on you.”

Valter’s patience was wearing thin.

“You emptied your stomach in the nearest trash can, and yet you were able to walk with ease.”

“Not really. Try moving around while your stomach’s spinning like a cyclone.”

“I have endured far worse than physical ailments, and even I am capable of being productive despite them…!”

“Will you two be quiet?!” Valter shouted a little too aggressively, startling every single person in the infirmary.

Linhardt and Hubert gawked at each other before gawking at him.

Arvis had sat up when he lashed out, with Seadall staring at Valter with the most confused expression.

That’s when he realized his mistake. His gaze dropped to what he was doing. “I’m sorry. I’ve been working too hard. I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

“Apology accepted,” Arvis replied, studying her carefully.

Linhardt sighed while on his way to a cabinet. “Fine, I’ll help. Just let me get something for the nausea first. Are you always this irritable?”

“Mind your manners,” Arvis scolded.

Valter wanted to give Linhardt the deadliest glare and snarkiest remark imaginable. Oh, if only…

He just giggled. “Only when certain people annoy the hell out of me.” And you are one of them.

“Ha!” Caspar exclaimed a few beds away from Arvis. “She told you off!”

“No, I didn’t.” As bizarre as it was, Joslyn didn’t actually find Linhardt irritating. “But he could put some effort into behaving himself. The sooner he helps me change Arvis’s bandages, the sooner he can rest.”

Now that got Linhardt to swallow some pills for the nausea with some water and gather the medical supplies in a flash. “These bandages will last longer. Just let me know when you’re going to unwrap the bloody ones so I can brace myself.”

“Close your eyes if it helps.”

Best to not have him retch on anyone.

Healing allies was truly not Valter’s forte. And yet, he surprisingly handled it with stride. Without any more out-of-character outbursts that would risk it all.

“At last,” he muttered, dragging himself back to Joslyn’s bedroom. “How does she tolerate that lethargic idiot? Hubert has won my respect more than him.”

He collapsed on the bed, hoping that he could be left alone for the rest of the day.

He glanced at the stuffed animals beside him, with the wyvern being closest to him. His frustration forgotten, he sat up and picked up the plush creature, stroking its fur.

So, Joslyn loved him more than he realized. Never had he ever understood the appeal of stuffed animals. Although his initial opinions had sparked conflict after their first meeting, he’d grown to respect her tastes with time.

They made her happy. They always have since she was a young child. Plenty of things made her happy, and he would do anything to make certain her joy shined bright every day. Anything to see his delicate rabbit smile.

“Valter, I’m back!” Joslyn was on her way to the bedroom with a little hop.

His body went rigid, and he set the stuffed animal down before she waltzed into the bedroom. “Welcome back.”

“Today was so much fun!” She dropped the boxes and bags on the dresser mirror. She gasped and picked up the teddy bear. “Plushies! Gregory gave these to you, didn’t he?”

“Indeed. Do you like them?”

“Yes! They’re adorable!” Joslyn then noticed the wyvern. “Awwwww, that one looks just like you.”

His eyes narrowed intensely. “I’m not cute. Do not insult me.”

She giggled. “Anyway, my trip to town went well. Told you it wouldn’t be an issue.”

“Marvelous.” His relief overflowed inside. The boxes of sweets caught his eye. He approached the pile. “What in the world…?”

“You can thank your reputation for all of these,” she said with a sheepish smile. “I really need to apologize to the Gatekeeper when we’re back to normal.”

“You made that obnoxious pest cower before you???” His eyes gleamed with pride as he patted her back. “That’s my little prey! Oh, how I wish I had been there to see it.”

“Haha… Thank you. I guess.”

Nimble footsteps alerted the pair. They clamped their mouths shut.

Yuri peeked inside. “Hey, Valter.”

Joslyn’s breath hitched. “You again.”

“Keep your mood in check, friend. I came here to say thanks for chatting with me earlier today.”

“First of all, we are not friends. Second, you make it sound like I wanted to socialize with a clown.”

“Really? You never wanted to hang out?”

“No.”

“You didn’t do much to show that. It’s not every day you decide to be a little tame for once.”

Valter slowly shot a sideways glance at her that reeked of cold disapproval. “‘A little tame?’”

“Oh yeah,” Yuri confirmed with a smirk. “Normally he would’ve just given me venomous comments or walked away or something like that.” He shrugged. “I expected him to bite, but he hardly did.”

Joslyn’s heart and body froze. Godsdamnit!!! Think, Joslyn, think!!! “I…have been too fatigued as of late.”

“Because of the accident?” He mulled it over. “Hmmmm, that explains a lot. You took a nasty hit from the way Gangrel described it. Maybe you should take it easy. Right, little dove?” He looked at Valter.

“That’s right.” He grabbed Joslyn’s arm a little too tight. “I’ve been trying to get him to stop being so stubborn, but he’s going to get some rest right now.”

She pouted. “Little prey, I do not need—”

“Valter,” he hissed with an all-too-familiar pout.

“…I will comply.”

Yuri chuckled. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. Take care.” He waved at them before disappearing into his bedroom across the hallway.

Well, this was painfully awkward. But not as awkward as Valter’s icy stare that might as well have frozen everything around them.

What Yuri had said didn’t sit well with him at all. And he was livid.

Joslyn smiled sheepishly. “Wasn’t that nice of him to care about me—I mean you?”

Never looking away from her, he shut the door. “Little prey…what was the pigeon implying about me being ‘tame’?”

“Nothing.” She twiddled her index fingers. “You know Yuri. You can never tell what he’s up to and whatnot.” She breathed out a laugh.

“Tell me the truth. Now.”

Her arms sagged. “Ugh! Fine! Yuri saw me at the bakery and decided to have a little chat with me. Looking back—” she shrugged dramatically, “—I may have been less cruel than what’s normal for you.”

“You fool!” he barked, making her hop back. “What if he suspects something?!”

“I didn’t know he was going to be there! What was I supposed to do?!”

“You could’ve been more aloof, more blunt, more…unkind!”

“I tried!”

“According to him, you‘ve failed to give the bare minimum. The clown frequently distances himself from me. If I cannot use physical force, my words are my second-best weapon.” He rubbed his temple as he sighed fiercely. “I knew I should’ve accompanied you so I could give you proper guidance…”

“Valter, Yuri’s not omnipresent. He doesn’t know what kind of spell knocked us out, and you heard him just now. He chalked it up to me—you not being your usual self because of temporary side effects or whatever. I mean, it makes sense when you think about it. I did what I could to throw him off despite my little hiccup, I swear.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes!” She pouted. “It took me a bit, but he got the message and left me alone. I doubt you gave a flawless performance when you were with Gregory.”

He flinched just a smidge.

“My point exactly.”

“At least I was more accurate with your behavior.”

“Valter—” she smacked her hands on his shoulders, “—calm down! Nobody’s going to find out about what happened. I promise! Now stop worrying so much, or I’m taking your tarts.”

His eyes dilated, and he stomped forward with a cutting glare that made her squeak and step away. “You will do no such thing, Joslyn.”

“Heh… Maybe I should’ve worded that carefully.” Her smile wobbled while she brought her hands up. “Take it easy, I was only kidding. When have I ever held them hostage?”

“Never.” He smiled like he hadn’t been ready to fight for the tarts. “You do not have a single, wicked bone in your body. I only wanted to test how far I can intimidate you with your likeness. It appears I have succeeded yet again.”

“You’re always intimidating.” She crossed her arms. “Seeing your twisted expressions on myself genuinely creeps me out.“

“I appreciate the compliment.”

Sighing with a hint of amusement, she opened one of the boxes and offered him a tart. “Here, have a key lime tart. Your favorite.”

“Why thank you.” He happily accepted it.

Gangrel barged into the bedroom, slamming the door wide open. “Did somebody say ‘key lime tart’?! Gimme!”

Valter glanced at Joslyn, biting in his dessert in a way that implied he wasn’t going to share.

“Do I have to?” she said quietly and anxiously.

His intense look remained.

She rolled her eyes, marched to the door, and slammed it hard at Gangrel’s face.

“Owwwwww!” He gripped his nose, pouting like a sad child. “Awwwww come on, I thought we were buddies.”

“These tarts belong to me.”

“Just one tart. You got dozens of them.”

“Go pester someone else before I chase you all over the castle.” Then Joslyn sneered at a smiling Valter. “You owe me for this shit.”

Chapter Text

After a long day since the spell-casting fiasco, Joslyn and Valter had gone to the latter’s bedroom later at night. Considering their relationship, it wasn’t unusual for them to be in the same bedroom. For all the others knew, it could safely be assumed they were having a fun night together. The most passionate and/or roughest kind. Maybe both, depending on their moods.

Too bad it wasn’t one of those nights.

The pair threw themselves onto the king-sized bed.

“Finally the day’s over,” Joslyn sighed, her teal locks spread out on the covers like elegant petals.

“Six more days remaining,” Valter replied unenthusiastically. “Prepare for more.”

“Damn, this week’s going to take forever to end…” She glanced at him. “Well, I’m going to take a shower.”

He cast her a dark, hungry smirk.

“No, you can’t join me. Besides, you took a shower a couple of hours ago.”

“There’s bo unwritten rule that states I’m not allowed to take multiple showers.”

She sighed softly. “The answer’s no, Valter.”

He sat up, pouting like a child. “I fail to comprehend why we can’t shower together.”

Stunned by his cluelessness, she sat up. “How can you not see how awkward it would be??? I’m you—” she gestured to herself, “—you’re me—” then gestured to him, “—the answer’s right in your face.”

“…And?”

“And I’d rather not see myself naked from this perspective.”

“I personally wouldn’t mind seeing my bare body.” He eyed her body — his body — thoroughly with a primal desire that should’ve been directed at her body.

As it should’ve been.

“S-Sure you wouldn’t,” she muttered, clearing her throat. She made her way to his wardrobe and opened its double doors. “So, where do you keep your nightwear?”

“Nightwear?”

“You know, pajamas.” She searched for them, but couldn’t find anything.

“You are aware that I sleep in the nude.”

That made her pout. “Oh come on, you have to own something. I’m not sleeping with you naked!”

“I am.” Valter smirked.

Her fiery eyes came to light. “Seeing myself naked? No, thank you!”

His laughter both amused and annoyed her. “Settle down, I will wear one of your nightgowns.”

She smiled. “Good.”

At least he would be covered up.

She gathered whatever clothes she could find that she personally wouldn’t mind wearing. Not that it was a challenge. Joslyn loved everything he had in his wardrobe. What she chose was a pair of deep purple pants and a black sleeveless shirt with a low v-neckline.

“Perfect!” She entered the luxurious bathroom and pulled the turquoise shower curtain to the side.

A rainbow of colorful, scented shampoos and soaps welcomed her, all neatly organized.

Her eyes sparkled. “Wow! You bought a lot of stuff!”

“They were on sale,” he explained with a roguish snicker. “I have to entice you somehow.”

“That explains why you smelled like vanilla on our last date. Oh, I’ve got to try these! See you later! Oh!” She turned around. “My nightgowns are in my dresser mirror. Top drawer in the middle.”

He nodded and left the bed. “Enjoy yourself.”

Oh, she would. The nightwear problem was still in the back of her head, but she’d figure it out later.

She shut the door and peeled off her armor and clothes, carefully placing them by the sink. She’d get them washed first thing in the morning. She was so excited to try these products, she stepped into the tub and pulled the shower curtain. Switched bodies or not, that wouldn’t stop her from indulging in the little things.

Now which scent should she choose…?

“Feel free to pleasure yourself down there,” Valter purred a little too seductively.

Her cheeks exploded with color that was hot to the touch. She huffed. “I swear, you’re messing with me on purpose!”

“How is that any different from other times?” He just laughed, clearly having the time of his life.

She sighed. “Just let me shower in peace.”

“Yes, yes, by all means…” Oh, he had a smirk on his face. She just knew it.

Before any more unexpected remarks were made, she turned the faucet.

Cool water sprinkled on her face, the droplets trailing down her muscular body.

Muscular. Never thought she’d describe herself like that. She found it pretty funny.

Gods, it felt so good to end the day with a much-needed shower! Valter had taken a shower, so it’s only fair she did the same.

Gazing down at his rugged, powerful figure in all its glory from this perspective felt so bizarre, she couldn’t resist twiddling some strands of his hair, admiring his muscles, his battle scars…everything.

Though she was quick to look somewhere else before she could get a glimpse of his…proudest area.

“Snap out of it!” she scolded herself, preparing a good amount of mint shampoo. “You should know better. Just don’t look down there, and it won’t get weird.”

Just as she said that, her eyes steered downward anyway. And she wanted to smack herself.

She huffed under her breath. Fucking hell, what was she doing?! It’s his fault for making that stupid comment in the first place!

So for the sake of what little dignity she had, she closed her eyes and began washing herself. The subtle, soothing scent was heavenly. She hummed to herself, lathering her hair completely before rinsing. Then she scrubbed her body with mint soap, creating a satisfying lather of it with the purple sponge.

She had to hand it to Valter, he sure cared about personal hygiene, despite certain people claiming otherwise. And by “certain people”, she meant her friend Aleron.

“Ha! Greasy freak, my ass.” Then she gasped when she examined the products a second time. “Oh! There’s even body wash. Hmmm, mint or…he got chocolate???”

She snatched the brown bottle with the familiar image of chocolate chips. Talk about being full of surprises!

“Mint chocolate chip for the win,” she said with a grin.

While she was enjoying her shower, Valter was in her bedroom, debating on which nightgown he should wear. Knowing Joslyn, she wouldn’t want him to wear anything that would flaunt her assets.

How dull. But he would do what he must to not agitate her. This was still oddly entertaining for him, so he might as well make the most of it.

He sneered at the selection of nightgowns, tossing the ones he disliked the thought of wearing on her bed. They all looked utterly ravishing on Joslyn, but some of these he’d rather not wear at all.

“Too many pastels… I refuse to touch the pink ones… Brown is a possible choice… Dark brown is definitely a choice… Hmmmmm, purple would suffice as well…but which shade?”

He picked up two of them: a dusty purple nightgown with ruffles and tiny black ribbons, and a dark purple nightgown with silver accents on the hem and chest area.

Aside from the first one that had a hole to reveal the belly button, both nightgowns were modest enough to hide everything underneath. In the end, he chose the dark purple one.

He started to strip, letting the cloak drop to the floor, and was about to slip the blue dress off until a familiar hoot made him jolt and instinctively reach for his lance, only to remember he didn’t have it with him.

“Who’s there?!” He spun around to find Feh by the windowsill.

“Eeeeep!” She ducked, covering her flustered face with her little wings. “Sorry! Didn’t know you were changing!”

Valter wanted to make a snarky retort, but bit his tongue to not break character. “It’s okay,” he sighed. “At least you didn’t see anything.”

“Y-Yeah.” Smiling nervously, the fluffy white owl rubbed the back of her head with a wing. “That would’ve been really bad.”

“Please knock first next time.” He petted her with a smile, knowing that’s what Joslyn would do.

“By the way,” Feh continued, “I, uhh, know you’re not Joslyn.”

The edges of his lips stretched downward with such intensity that it hurt. “…Did the little prey tell you?” he snarled fiercely.

“No, no, no!” Her wings flailed around. “You see, I was by the door on that day, ready to deliver a message to Commander Anna, when I overheard about what happened to you guys.”

“If you value that precious beak of yours—” he poked said beak, “—you will NOT speak of this to anyone!”

Feh flinched, ruffling her feathers with a pout. “Okay, okay! Geez, Valter, you don’t have to be so mean.”

“I am not bluffing here. Not a word to anyone. Am I understood?”

“Yeah, yeah! Calm down!”

Now that they had that settled, he crossed his arms. “Now then, why are you even here?”

“I wanted to deliver a message to Joslyn.” She lifted her foot, offering a scroll.

“A message?” Valter took it. “From whom?”

“It’s from Narcian.”

His face contorted into a cold, cruel smile as he tore the scroll to shreds with his bare hands. The crumpled pieces of paper floated down like confetti.

“…Message received.”

Feh gulped at his frightening reaction, she knew better than to ask about the implications behind that.

“Ummmm, well, uhh, I better go now. Heehee! Bye bye!” She spread her wings and soared to the skies.

He let out a low growl that became louder and more intense after each passing second. Not only was his blood boiling over the realization that Feh knew about the whole body-swap nonsense, but because Narcian wrote what he swore was a love letter to Joslyn. His Joslyn! His little prey! That damn bastard never grew weary of testing his patience by making unwanted advances towards the woman who rightfully belonged to him.

“Joslyn is mine! Mine! MIIIIIIINE!” He grit his teeth and clenched his fists, trembling with pure rage and jealousy.

Oh no, he needed to do something. But what?!

Wait a minute…

Valter stared at his hands. Joslyn’s small and soft hands, as opposed to his large and rough ones.

Then he recalled something crucial that she’d mentioned that had happened during her misadventures.

“Of course!” He hurried to search the journal and ink she’d purchased. Since she had his handwriting because she was in his body, then by that logic, the reverse had to be true for him.

And he did!

Once he sat at the desk and began writing on a blank page, her simple and wavy cursive handwriting came to him naturally.

Letting out the most diabolical laugh, he composed a letter that oozed with hatred and vitriol. Killing Narcian himself would’ve resolved everything faster, but she wouldn’t have any of it. Nonetheless, it excited him to use such alternate means to get that numbskull off her trail.

Perhaps he could later convince the summoner who owned that disobedient dog to put him on a leash. A man could only dream.

One long writing session later, Valter marched out of the room with an envelope containing the letter, determined to deliver it at once. In secret, of course. He didn’t want to see Narcian’s arrogant face, lest the fool might mistake the visit as Joslyn “declaring her love for him”.

Gods, he was so delusional.

Several hallways later, he found that obnoxious narcissist’s door. It wasn’t that difficult to find. A golden plaque of his own face was literally nailed to it.

“Hmph. How revolting.” He slid the letter under the door and hurried off with a sly smile. “Joslyn’s nightmares have finally come to an end.”

The “great” Narcian’s inflated heart was going to shatter into pieces tonight! No longer would Valter have someone romantically pursue Joslyn after the vile confession he’d written under her guise.

Back in the bathroom, after rinsing the body wash, Joslyn now felt squeaky clean. She dried herself with the purple towel hanging from the metal bar, and wrapped it around her waist before stepping out of the tub.

Only for the door to slam open.

“My darling Joslyn, you will not believe this!”

She let out a dramatic gasp. “What the—?! VALTER! What are you doing here?! I’m not dressed yet!”

He froze.

And so did she.

Another gasp leapt up her throat as she tried to cover her naked self. She brushed some of her hair off her flushed cheeks, dreading his reaction.

He gave her a painfully slow once-over. His eyes locked on to her.

She expected him to be amused, maybe even snicker. Or worse, laugh. But he never did. Hell, he looked just as embarrassed as her, with just as much color on his face.

“Little prey…?”

“Yeah…?”

He turned his back on her. “Cover yourself this instant. This is rather…unsettling.”

Joslyn relaxed. Sort of. “See? I told you it’s weird.”

“Indeed. Hurry now.” And he left the bathroom. “I will tell you what I have to say when you are finished.”

She blinked, now wondering what he meant by that.

Anyhow, she’s so glad they were finally on the same page! She got dressed as fast as she could to make things less awkward.

When she was done, she blushed at the shirt that was tight on her. It emphasized her entire torso. His torso.

Well, as long as she was covered, it was fine by her.

On her way out, Valter was lying in bed, wearing a blue silk nightgown that’s more modest than the ones she normally wore around him.

She slipped under the purple covers with him. “So, what is it you wanted to tell me that made you forget to knock?”

He sat up with childlike glee, offering her a folded letter. “Here’s a duplicate of the letter I’d written to that nuisance of a general.”

Her eyes widened. “You didn’t…!” She happily took the letter to see what kind of comments he’d written for that damn Narcian.

Narcian,

I can’t take it anymore. When will you learn that I DON’T have feelings for you?! I’ve given you hundreds, thousands, millions of hints that should’ve been enough to let you know that I’m not interested in you. I love Valter, and only Valter. I’m taken. I belong with him. I belong to him. I’d be an idiot, and a cruel one at that, to cheat on the man I love just to feed your overinflated ego. But obviously, I need to be more blunt for you to understand because your IQ is as small as your dick.

Do you want a “heartfelt confession”? Well, here it is! You are the ugliest, dumbest, most annoying piece of shit I’ve ever met, and I’m glad I’m not in charge of a fucking dog like you. Do you get it now? I don’t like you! I don’t think about you, I don’t fantasize about you, and I never want anything to do with you! EVER! Hell, I’m glad you never appear in my dreams because those wouldn’t be dreams. Those would be nightmares! And being near you is already a living nightmare as it is.

Now do me a huge favor, and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! You will never claim my heart. Give it up! I’m not playing hard to get, I’m just a woman who’s smart enough to know you’re nothing but a poser who thinks he’s all that when he isn’t. Valter’s the man I love. And by the way, HE is the true Adonis between the two of you. Every quality you think you have, he has them in spades.

— Joslyn

By the time she finished reading this enmity-laced masterpiece of a letter, Joslyn could barely control her laughter.

“Oh gods! Valter, this is the most beautiful hate letter I’ve ever read!” She hugged her belly, giving herself a moment to recover from it all. “You’ve nailed my character better than I gave you credit for. If Narcian didn’t get it through his thick skull that I don’t like him, he will now.”

He relaxed on the pillows with his arms behind his head. “Your gratitude is greatly appreciated. I did what needed to be done.”

“His ego’s going to shatter into a million pieces, and I’m all for it.” Joslyn hugged him. “Thanks for the help! This is one of the best surprises you’ve ever given me.”

“Now you are my prey, and my prey alone.”

Her enthusiasm waned. She brushed the few strands of hair that were on his cheek. “I’ve been yours since the beginning. That’s never going to change.”

Valter smiled softly and curled up against her. He let out a low yawn.

She smirked. “Good night, little prey,” she cooed.

His deadly glare emerged. “Stop that. There is no need for you to call me that when we’re alone.”

“I know. I just thought it would be funny.”

His pout was comical.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” she said between stifled giggles. There was a small pause. “I’m sorry,” she repeated gently. “I’ll only say it when we’re in public. I promise.”

“Good.” Her words appeased him. He rested his head on her chest. “…I miss your breasts.”

The random comment made her laugh softly. “I miss your pecs.” She let out a drawn-out yawn and made herself comfortable, cradling him in her arms. “Good night, Valter,” she mumbled.

“Good night, little prey,” he mumbled back, nuzzling her.

They were soon sound asleep.

The next morning was bright. The skies clear and blue. No clouds in sight.

The rays of sunshine spanned over Joslyn’s face, disrupting her slumber. She stirred, stubbornly fighting to stay asleep while hugging Valter, who was already waking up.

“Morning already?” he asked hoarsely.

“Let’s sleep a little longer.” She showered him with cuddles.

Then she remembered she was technically cuddling herself.

The cuddles were cut short as she got out of bed. “Damn, even cuddling feels weird.”

“Agreed.” Valter yawned and rose up.

They got dressed in a new set of fresh and clean clothes. In Joslyn’s case, a clean set of armor.

“I don’t know how you can get through the day wearing all of this.”

“You grow accustomed to it.”

She exhaled a laugh through her nose, and headed to the door. “We should get going. I’m in the mood for some pancakes and…” She froze halfway out the doorway in wide-eyed horror.

“Hmmm? What is it?” He sauntered forward.

Her eyes didn’t meet his. “Oh no…”

“What?”

“Ohhhh noooo…!”

He sneered. “Joslyn, will you tell me what’s troubling you?”

Still pale with panic, she darted back inside, shutting the door behind her. “Shit!” She gripped fistfuls of her hair in a panic. “This is bad! This is really bad!”

“Explain,” he commanded swiftly.

“I completely forgot! Arvis is expecting me today! I promised him we would train together!”

There was silence. Briefly.

His glower bordered on the coldest of anger. “And why on earth did you make this arrangement?!”

“We agreed on this days ago! How was I supposed to know we’d wind up like this?”

He rubbed his temple. “Just when I thought I would be free from humiliating myself.” Then something occurred to him. “Wait a second. He is injured!”

“Healing magic,” she reminded him. “Last time I saw him, he was doing better. He told me—you—that he wanted to help me with my training. His half-brother Azelle will take his place while he guides us.”

“In my humble opinion, he should’ve cancelled these plans altogether.”

She sighed. “Look, it’s too late now, so just do whatever you can.”

He forced a smile that might as well have been torture for him. “You are forgetting something…” His smile perished. “I’ve never cast magic in my entire life!”

“You know basic fire magic!”

“That doesn’t mean I excel at magic!” He heaved heavily. “If we spar with him, or anyone for that matter, you are bound to portray me as an imbecile.”

Her brows furrowed hard. “That’s absurd. How hard can it be to wield a lance?”

Valter guffawed like she’d told him the funniest joke in the world. “Oh, my sweet, innocent, fragile, naive summoner!” He clutched her arms. “It most certainly is not the equivalent of wielding a large stick.” Then he had that lethal smile of his. “We will not be training with anyone under these circumstances. I forbid it.”

“Valter—” she gently pushed him away, “—if we don’t do this, it’s going to raise eyebrows. Everyone knows you love training with me and competing with your opponents. You relish in being the confident general that you are. The same general who once sparred, despite having the flu until I finally dragged you to bed.”

“We can create a ruse. Perhaps we’ve fallen ill.”

“For six days? It’s bad enough we have to keep up—” she gestured to both of them, “—this act between us. Throwing in a fake illness will only overcomplicate things.”

His lips formed a deep, pensive scowl. “…You are correct, as much as I loathe to admit it.” With a defeated sigh, he asked, “When will he and Azelle be joining us?”

“Arvis told me he was going to do some errands in the morning with his half-sister Deirdre. He should be gone by now, and won’t come back for another hour or so.”

“Then let us make haste to the training grounds.” He marched out of the bedroom with her. “I shall guide you through lessons on how to wield a lance.”

Joslyn grinned, refraining from doing a little hop. “And I’ll show you how to use a sword and magic.”

Once they made it to the training grounds, they positioned themselves at a spot far away from the rest of the Heroes. Fortunately for them, there weren’t that many for now.

The less eyes on them, the less likely they’d get caught acting out-of-character.

Valter was holding Joslyn’s Breidablik, which currently took the form of a sword.

She twirled his prized cursed lance and did a fighting stance, with a deranged grin to boot. “I hunger!”

He knitted his eyebrows.

“What?” She smiled normally. “You say that a lot during battles.”

“Not with such weak fierceness and that abysmal stance.” He closed the distance between them and nudged her back. “First of all, you must not appear rigid. Relax your shoulders… There. Next, pose as though you are prepared to pierce an enemy and revel in how they succumb to their inevitable death.”

She blinked, adjusting herself. “Like this…?”

“Perfection.” He returned to his spot across from her. “Now show me your unhinged expression.”

She tried mimicking one of his smirks.

“Can’t you appear more malicious?”

“I’m trying!”

“Put more effort into it.” He sighed, taking a second to think. Then a dark smile took over. “Pretend you are confronting someone you detest with all your heart. Like that woman you’ve vaguely mentioned during one of our outings.”

That triggered something in Joslyn as a spark of anger flashed in her eyes. Her grip on the lance tightened.

“There it is…” Valter muffled a low chuckle. “Speak again.”

“I hunger!” she repeated in an intimidating tone and with a psychotic look that reflected his true character.

“Excellent!” he said with pride. “It’s like gazing at my own reflection.”

Joslyn relaxed, the tip of the lance touching the ground like a cane. “Too bad I can’t say the same thing about myself. If we’re giving each other feedback, remember to act more bashful when we’re together. You’ve been doing okay, just tweak your portrayal a little. Also, you should give more cuddles.”

“Must I be overly affectionate?” he grumbled.

She rolled her eyes with a smile. “Yes, Valter. You know how affectionate I can get when I’m with you.”

“Well, you haven’t been behaving properly like I normally do.”

“What the fuck? I’ve been doing a great job.”

“You have been avoiding Caellach and Riev.”

“I don’t like them!” She crossed her arms. “I’m not hanging out with those bastards.”

“Your feelings on the matter are irrelevant.” He crossed his arms. “Unless you wish to raise their suspicions, you will mingle with them.”

“You can’t make me,” she shot back matter-of-factly.

“I will confiscate all your confections.” He smiled lightheartedly.

“…Fine,” she spat. “Let’s just start training.”

Their sparring session begun shortly after, with her performing feeble attempts at wielding his lance like the bloodthirsty beast that he was behind his handsome self.

The beast that he was. Not her. With her clumsy movements, she was more of a jittery rabbit who was unsure of what to do and how to do it.

As for Valter, he had difficulty summoning simple non-lethal fireballs. When he got the hang of it, he hurled them with all he had, yet ironically most of them fumbled to the ground like regular bouncing balls before going out.

Some of them collided with Joslyn, who almost never deflected them with her lance. She tried to adjust her accuracy many times, but failed to master her boyfriend’s skills. She later lost her grip on her weapon as it hit the marble with a loud clang, leaving her vulnerable to the false threat. The last of the fireballs missed her and bounced until they rolled away and shrank until there was nothing.

“…We’re doomed, aren’t we?” she asked with a wince.

The quiet despair in Valter’s face answered for her. “It’s not too late to fabricate an illness.”

“I’m telling you it’s not going to—”

“Joslyyyyyyyyn!”

The pair muffled their loud, frustrated groans as they stared at the heavens. “Narcian,” they hissed, putting their weapons away.

“There you are!” Narcian bellowed, stomping towards them with the biggest frown on his face. “I wish to speak to you about something!”

Joslyn stood beside Valter. “Not you again. Begone.”

“What is it now, Narcian?” Valter demanded with scorn, crossing his arms.

Then, with the back of his hand touching his forehead, he gasped like the drama king that he was, clearly on the verge of tears. “I cannot believe the letter you have written for me! Never have I ever believed you were capable of such cruelty! You are utterly, agonizingly, and devastatingly heartless!” His lips wobbled. “It’s…! It’s…!” His mood flipped. “IT IS MARVELOUS!”

“WHAAAAAT?!” The couple yelled with everything their lungs could handle.

“The stupid man has lost it!” Joslyn exclaimed under her breath in typical Valter fashion. “How in the world is it ‘marvelous’? Joslyn has clearly impaled your overinflated hubris with blatant rejection!”

“On the contrary—” he patted her back, “—my psychopathic rival. You must have persuaded her to write such slanderous lies.”

“…I beg your pardon?”

Narcian’s arrogant smile shifted to a darker one. “Do not feign ignorance, you foul beast. I know precisely how you think. After all, we are battling for her affections.”

Valter switched to Joslyn’s iconic attitude. “Damn it, Narcian, there’s no battle to begin with! I love Valter! Not you! Valter!”

Their bickering began to gather the attention of some of the Heroes. None of them noticed.

Yuri was the first to turn to see what the yelling was all about. His training partners Volke and Glen looked up.

“Tsk tsk tsk!” Narcian wiggled a finger. “Joslyn, Joslyn, Joslyn. Surely you can pursue someone of high caliber.”

His fingers twitched. He clenched his fists. “You, high caliber? Don’t make me laugh.”

More Heroes stopped what they were doing.

Caspar was immersed in the moment, while Alcryst and Sakura watched apprehensively.

“Come now.” Narcian roughly elbowed Joslyn away, making her grunt. “Let us spend some…quality time together,” he purred, smiling seductively. “Shall we?”

Valter’s glare was a blade ready to strike. “NO. Now fuck off.” He nudged him away and hugged Joslyn.

Dimitri, Xander, and Chrom looked back from the table they were sitting in while enjoying their lunch.

She growled at Narcian. And it wasn’t only an in-character act. “She does not harbor any feelings for you. She never has, and she never will. Leave. Now.”

“Oh, no no no. A lovely princess must be rescued by the repulsive dragon.” Much to their horror, he brushed a hand on Valter’s forearm.

What happened next was a blur. Joslyn thrust herself forward and punched Narcian right in the face. She used such brute force, he slammed into a pillar and fell right on his ass.

His shrieks of agony caught everyone’s attention as he gripped his face. “My face!!! My beautiful, glorious, godlike face!!!”

That’s when she registered what she’d done. “Shit!” she hissed, pulling her fist back.

All the Heroes were now watching them, with expressions that were a spectrum of emotions. Shock, confusion, amazement, indifference, and even joy, considering Caspar’s massive grin.

“Did you see that?!” He pointed at the scene. “Say what you want about Valter, but Narcian was asking for it!”

Valter gawked at what had transpired with his jaw agape. Then slowly smirked at his beloved Joslyn in open approval.

Finally! Oh, how long had he waited for her to resort to violence outside of combat and training. He could just give her all the praise in the world right this minute. But he would have to save his ecstatic praise for later.

He reverted back to her for the audience that had gathered around them, giving her a look of surprise.

“Valter…!”

Realizing that all eyes were on them, she masked her surprise with a smug expression. “I’ve warned him to never go anywhere near you. You are mine, and only mine.”

Narcian’s whimpers rose in pitch. “I fear my nose is broken! The pain is unbearable! And I’m bleeding! Bleeding, I tell you! Someone escort me to the infirmary this instant!”

“Oh, it’s merely a fracture. You can make your way there on your own, can’t you?” She angled her head so no one but Valter could see her holding back a laugh.

“Someone! Anyone! I! Require! Assistance!”

Mercedes guided the taller man away. “Now, now, I will take you to the infirmary.”

Manuela smiled at her. “I’m coming with you so I can help you examine him.” She whispered to Elise as she followed Mercedes, “And to sedate him to stop his whining.”

Now that there was nothing else to see, everyone continued with their lives.

Joslyn and Valter used the opportunity to sneak to a more isolated part of the training grounds. They were still laughing amongst themselves about what happened.

Valter chuckled. “The pathetic dog shouldn’t pester you for now… Hopefully never again,” he added with a dark edge before smiling as he said, “You were wonderful back there! I’ve never been so proud of you until now.”

“Thanks.” She stretched her hand after using it with all her strength. “I’ll admit it felt real good.”

“Now are you pleased that you’ve loosened the contract just a smidge?”

“Oh yeah.”

Maybe this whole switched-bodies ordeal wasn’t so bad.

A familiar, deep chuckle interrupted them.

They froze.

Joslyn’s heart flipped.

Valter became tense.

She immediately recognized the young man with the olive green bob cut. The golden hue of his left eye glinted with quiet approval.

Uh-oh!

Remembering what to do, Valter flinched at the smiling summoner with the black eyepatch, knowing that’s what she would’ve naturally done. “Aleron! Hi!”

“Hello.” He glanced at Joslyn. “I’ve come to visit, and happened to witness the scene. Glad you walloped him.”

“He wouldn’t cease his advances towards my Joslyn,” she explained. “The conceited cur needed to face the repercussions.”

Coming to his own “defense”, Valter wrapped his arms around her in typical, romantic, Joslyn-esque fashion. “Isn’t he the best?” He caressed her face, his thumb grazing her cheek.

Without glancing at Aleron, she put on her most lustful expression. “That’s it, my pet… Show me who has claimed your heart, body, mind, and soul.”

“Oh, I will…with a kiss.”

Her heart came to a screeching halt. WHAT?!!

“Oh, my little pet, I would love to devour those lovely lips of yours…” Before their lips met, she pulled back, masking her discomfort with a seductive smile and capturing him in a strong, possessive embrace. “But why don’t we save it for when we are alone, in the comfort of my chambers, where I can have you all to myself? Hmmmm?”

He looked away shyly, brushing some hair off his cheek.

Aleron raised an eyebrow. “…Since when did you develop self-control in public?”

Both of them recoiled before they could stop themselves.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Joslyn asked. “Joslyn is such a timid little rabbit, I am simply holding back until she is most comfortable.”

“And yet here she is acting more bold towards you.”

The two of them exchanged tense glances.

Valter rushed to the rescue by saying, “And you said he can’t keep his hands to himself. He’s so thoughtful!” He pinched her cheek, making her breath hitch.

They thought that would get Aleron off their back, but instead he crossed his arms, unamused and sneering.

“Alright, something’s off.” He pointed to Joslyn. “You’re not the type to be less handsy and decline a kiss from Joslyn—” and he pointed to Valter, “—and you promised to never pinch his cheek ever again after the first time because he told you it was demeaning, and as always, you respected his feelings.”

Neither of them could find a way to counter his words.

“Well?” he pressed. “What’s with you guys?”

“Think of something,” Valter whisper-pleaded to Joslyn.

If only she could. But this was Aleron she was dealing with here. Plus her brain wasn’t responding.

Realizing they’d been cornered, Joslyn cracked under the pressure. “Damn it!” She stepped away from Valter. “Fine, you caught us. The truth is I messed up a spell, and we woke up in each other’s bodies. I didn’t mean to let this happen, it’s just—”

“Wait, wait, wait—” he raised his hands, “—you and Valter…switched bodies?”

“Yes,” she confessed, hugging herself in humiliation.

“Curses,” Valter simply said in defeat.

Disbelief still lingered in Aleron’s features. For a long time, he didn’t speak.

The pair was prepared to prove that this wasn’t a joke. What they weren’t prepared for was for him to burst into hysterical laughter that genuinely freaked them out. It was so unnatural coming from Joslyn’s friend, even Valter found it unsettling.

“Oh my gods! This is fucking hilarious!” He pointed at each of them. “So you’re the crazy bastard, and he’s the soft kitten!”

“It’s not funny!” Joslyn used her hair to hide in shame.

“Yeah, it is!”

She glanced at Valter, hoping he wouldn’t get too angry.

Too little, too late. His stone-cold stare could cut through glass, among other things. Anything, really.

He snarled. “If it wasn’t for your arachnophobia, we wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

She snarled back at him. “Damn it, Valter, I get it! It’s my fault, I know! Will you let it go already?”

“I cannot, since you have spoiled our ruse!”

“Me? I’m not the only one who broke character by pinching my cheek!” She rubbed her cheek. “Now I see why you think it’s insulting.”

“I’m glad that we’re in agreement.”

“And why the hell did you think offering me a kiss was a good idea? Are you out of your mind? More than you already are?”

“Do I need to clarify once more? We were supposed to stay in-character to deceive everyone until this was resolved.”

“And you thought committing selfcest was the way to do it???”

Valter paused. “…What kind of bizarre nonsense are you spewing?”

“Oh my g—Never mind.” She rubbed her temple. “The point is kissing each other like this would’ve been weird.”

Now dismayed that their dilemma had been uncovered by someone else, he plopped down on a bench. “I loathe behaving like the fragile little summoner that you are.”

“Hey, I’m forced to act all cruel and creepy everywhere I go. We both have it rough.”

Aleron still wouldn’t stop laughing. “This really made my day! Holy shit!”

“Aleron, you jerk,” Joslyn snapped.

“What???”

Before anyone could see it coming, Valter punched him.

She gasped with her hands over her mouth.

But they both forgot her own body wasn’t as physically strong, so his punch came off as pathetically weaker than what’s typical of him.

He stiffened at his flimsy strength.

Aleron smirked, clearly unfazed. “Is that all you got?”

“Curses…!” He clenched his fists so hard, Joslyn feared he would try again. “Little prey, attack him on my behalf.”

“What?! No! Did you forget I broke Narcian’s nose with a single punch?”

His proud grin was gigantic. “And it was marvelous! Now replicate it again!”

“NO, VALTER!”

Aleron gave Valter a mocking head pat, provoking him just for the hell of it.

He slapped his hand away. “Do. Not. Insult me.”

Joslyn stepped between them. “Please don’t tell anyone about this…! Things are embarrassing enough for both of us as it is. You, Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna are the only ones who know about this.”

“Little prey?”

“Hmmm?”

“Feh is aware of this as well. She has known about it from the beginning.”

“Damn.” She turned to Aleron. “See what I mean? We can’t afford to have the whole castle learn the truth. Please keep it a secret until we’re back to normal! Please!”

“Fine, fine, I won’t say anything.” Finally he stopped irritating Valter. “Just try not to slip up again, or else others might start connecting the dots.” With a casual wave, he walked away.

“Gods.” Valter rubbed his forehead. “I hope these days pass by swiftly.”

Joslyn patted his back. “You and me both.”

“We have arrived,” Arvis called from a distance.

Azelle and Deirdre were following him down the marble stairs.

“I have never trained alongside the two of you before.” Azelle smiled, ever so kind. “It would be an honor to become acquainted with your exceptional talents.”

Valter snuck a sideways glance at Joslyn.

“Unfortunately,” she began, “something has occurred moments ago. Joslyn and I must tend to some…personal matters!”

“Oh?” Deirdre spoke. “Whatever is the matter?”

“It’s complicated,” she hastily answered. “I do not have time to explain. We must leave. Come along, my rabbit!” She scooped up Valter bridal style and power-walked like there was no tomorrow.

Flushed and furious, he huffed. “That was the best you could do?”

“I panicked, okay? Just shut up and don’t look back.”

One rapid turn to the right, and they were back inside the castle.

Arvis was speechless alongside his half-siblings. “That was…peculiar.”

Azelle and Deirdre silently agreed.

“I wonder if Sigurd would like to spar with us instead?”

“Oh, that would be lovely! But please practice caution this time, Arvis.”

Sighing softly, he crossed his arms. “Deirdre, the disastrous incident was unintentional. You have Metodey to thank for colliding with me while I was casting Valflame.”

Azelle’s lips twitched at the memory. “Let us be grateful that the contracts protect us.”

As he and Deirdre prepared for their own training session, Arvis looked back at where Joslyn and Valter had inexplicably disappeared to at lightning speed.

He hummed, deep in thought, before joining his family.

Truly peculiar, indeed.