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Bonnie Meadows was a shrewd, observant girl. She was good at observing and listening to others, noticing things about them. This was especially the case with her friend Amy. She was her first real friend at school, and Bonnie knew more about her than anything else. She noticed the way her dark lashes flared when the others teased her or she wrinkled her nose when judging the other girls. Bonnie knew her friend could be a snob, but she wouldn’t change her, like how Amy wouldn’t change her manipulative nature. As shrewd as Bonnie was, it took a while for her to realize her true feelings for her friend.
Bonnie was also good at getting what she wanted. When Bonnie wanted something, she got it. She found a way to wheedle and flatter others into giving it to her. She seemed so timid and innocent, they never would’ve suspected it. She was very charming, skilled at getting others to like her. And right now, what she wanted was Amy. She felt an unsatisfied ache in her chest as she gazed at her friend.
Bonnie eagerly jumped at the chance when Felicity told her to befriend Amy in the first term she arrived at school. She was in awe of the pretty, elegant girl, despite how closed-off and haughty she could be. She seemed too refined for a school like Malory Towers. Bonnie was sure she’d look down on her as she did with everyone else at school, but to her surprise, she was very accepting of Bonnie. Bonnie thought she couldn’t be as snobbish as everyone said, if she made friends with someone even Felicity thought was childish and irritating.
She couldn’t help the jealousy she felt when Amy paired up with Veronica. Veronica only liked Amy for her wealth and grandeur, and Bonnie supposed she did as well. Even when she first started at school, she knew the best way to win Amy’s affection back was through flattery. That was why she had made the dress for her friend that she knew she would look beautiful in. To her relief, it had worked, and Amy had been so pleased with the present that she had become friends with her again. Bonnie could always get what she wanted, if she knew the other person well.
When Esme started at Malory Towers, she latched onto Bonnie, and she was eager to help the American girl out, enjoying being liked for once. She liked Amy as well, but Amy wasn’t as pleased. Bonnie noticed the scornful glares and spiteful muttered remarks Amy threw Esme’s way. At first, she thought Amy just didn’t approve of the American girl’s glamorous ways, which would be understandable with how snobbish Amy could be.
It was Felicity who gave Bonnie the idea to teach Esme. “It’s very decent of you to be friendly with Esme,” she remarked. “It’s hard not having a special friend, you know.”
“I definitely do,” Bonnie agreed. “I didn’t when I first started at school, remember?” Felicity looked sheepish. “But I bet you made friends with Susan straight away.”
“Well, not exactly,” Felicity admitted. “Actually, I latched on to June first. Can you believe that? My sister Darrell warned me against her, but I thought she was funny and daring. She said she’d take me under her wing.”
“Well!” Bonnie exclaimed. “It’s a good thing you’re friends with Susan now. June is decent, but she can be awfully pushy and brazen.”
“It’s a good thing she’s made friends with Freddie now,” Felicity remarked. “And that you’ve made friends with Amy.”
“Amy isn’t happy about how close I’ve gotten with Esme,” Bonnie admitted, deciding to confide in Felicity. She was very kind and level-headed, and Bonnie was sure she’d know what to do. “Esme likes her, and wants to be like her, but Amy glares at us when we’re together. I suppose she doesn’t approve of Esme.”
“Well, that’s hardly a surprise,” Felicity remarked. “Amy thinks everyone is beneath her. She’s much too snobbish.”
“Felicity, don’t talk like that!” Bonnie flared up in defense of her friend. “Amy isn’t a snob. She’s just proper and refined.”
“She can be both, you know,” Felicity pointed out. “Perhaps she’s jealous about how close you’re getting. After all, you are her closest friend. She’s too uptight for many of us to like the way you do.”
“Do you really think so?” Bonnie asked, surprised. She remembered how jealous she had been of Veronica when Amy had paired up with her. Now Amy was acting in the same way. “Well, how silly of her! Esme likes her as much as me. We could both be friends.”
“Maybe that’s what you should do,” Felicity suggested. “You could make a threesome.”
Bonnie hesitated, remembering Amy’s scornful glares. She remembered how awful it was to feel left out. She longed for her friend’s approval, so much that she was tempted to ask Esme to leave them alone. But she didn’t have the heart to do that.
“I’m not sure about that,” she admitted. “As much as I like Esme, it does get a bit trying when I’m trying to speak with Amy and Esme tries to interfere. But I don’t have the heart to tell her not to tag along with Amy and me so much, even gently. After all, she just wants to fit in, and she doesn’t have a special friend of her own. If she did, she wouldn’t get in the way so much.”
“I see,” Felicity said, her lips twitching. Bonnie stared at her in surprise as she suddenly laughed.
“What is it, Felicity?” Bonnie asked, confused.
“Nothing,” Felicity muttered, chuckling. “It’s just that…”
Bonnie scowled as Felicity began laughing. “What’s so funny?”
“Don’t you remember last term, when you wouldn’t stop trailing after Susan and me?” Felicity reminded. “I tried to let you down gently, but you wouldn’t listen. You made such an awful nuisance of yourself, tagging after us when we wanted to be alone. And now…”
Bonnie was silent. “I suppose you’re right,” she admitted. “Was I really like Esme?”
“Of course not,” Felicity assured. “You were even worse.”
Bonnie scowled, and Felicity softened. “Back then, I mean. You’re much better now. I’m sure you’ll deal with Esme better than I did with you.”
“How should I?” Bonnie asked. “I don’t want to upset her, since I can see she just wants friends, as I did. She feels left out among us English girls. Sometimes she even says she wishes she could be like Amy and me.”
“You’re quite right. You shouldn’t try to get rid of her, or push her onto somebody else,” Felicity agreed. “That’ll only end in disaster.”
“But I don’t want to upset Amy, either,” Bonnie admitted. “I can see she doesn’t like how close we’re getting, and she isn’t very close with anyone else in the form. I suppose she thinks Esme is too cheap and simple to be friends with. Esme says she wants to fit in with the rest of us, but she wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Maybe you could teach her,” Felicity suggested. “You and Amy, I mean.”
“What do you mean?” Bonnie asked.
“Maybe Amy would be willing to be friends with Esme if the two of you could teach her to be a proper English girl,” Felicity suggested. “She’d be eager to teach Esme, and Esme would learn to fit in.”
“Maybe you’re right, Felicity,” Bonnie realized. “I’m sure we could teach Esme to talk like an English girl, and dress and act like one, without wearing that makeup all the time. Amy would know more about it than me, of course. She’d be flattered that Esme wanted to be just like her. She loves being flattered.” Bonnie smiled at Felicity. “Thanks for the idea, Felicity. I think you’ve got it.”
When Bonnie told Amy the idea, she was as eager as she expected. They took it upon themselves to help Esme become a proper English girl. Bonnie couldn’t help being curious about Esme’s makeup, even though Amy instructed her to throw it all away. Her parents never let her so much as wear a dress that was too short, and Esme looked very grown up indeed. Bonnie always looked like a childlike doll, and she wondered if the makeup would make her look the same way. She secretly hoped Amy would be attracted to her, but she seemed disgusted by Esme’s artificial beauty.
“Did you have to make Esme throw all her makeup out, Amy?” Bonnie asked. “I think she looked nice.”
Amy scoffed. “She looks hideous in the stuff.”
“That’s a bit strong, Amy,” Bonnie insisted. “Maybe she feels self conscious. Not everyone is as naturally beautiful as you.”
“Do you really think so?” Amy asked, surprised.
“Of course,” Bonnie agreed. “Esme was right. You are the prettiest girl in the form.”
Amy smiled. “Why, thank you. You’re quite right. I suppose I shouldn’t be so harsh, either. Esme is very pretty as well.”
“She is,” Bonnie agreed, surprised by her sudden change of opinion.
“Sometimes, I can’t help thinking she’s even prettier,” Amy admitted with slight jealousy. “Than me, that is. Well, she is when she’s not lathering her face in that awful stuff. I can’t see the point in wearing it when she’s so beautiful anyway.”
Bonnie stared at Amy in shock. It was rare for the vain Amy to say anything like that. “Do you really think so?” she asked.
“She looks older than any of us, like a gorgeous film star,” Amy admitted. “Even I feel plain in comparison. It’s a good thing she doesn’t wear makeup anymore.”
“Amy, don’t tell me that’s why you got her to throw her makeup away,” Bonnie exclaimed.
“No, of course not,” Amy assured. “Well, maybe it’s part of it. But I really do think she should like her face as it is.”
“I don’t think so,” Bonnie remarked. “That she’s prettier than you, that is. She’s too glamorous, in my opinion, even when she isn’t wearing makeup. You’re much prettier, without trying. You look more mature than the rest of us as well, but not so much that it’s surprising.”
Amy beamed. “I am glad you think so.”
“It’s too bad I’m not,” Bonnie muttered. “The others always say I look young for my age. Why, some assume I’m in the first form. And I know I’m not as pretty as you.”
“That’s not true at all,” Amy assured. “You’re very dainty and sweet, like a cute little doll.”
Bonnie knew that was high praise coming from Amy, but it only made her heart sink. Amy would never see her as beautiful the same way she did.
After Esme went up, Bonnie couldn’t help feeling relieved. She and Amy could be close friends again, without anyone getting in the way. But Bonnie kept worrying that something else would. The next term, Bonnie couldn’t help getting upset when Olive compared her to a doll. She remembered how Amy had said the same thing, even if it was meant in a kinder way. Maybe that was all the others saw her as. A dainty, delicate doll.
Amy was the only one who stood by her when she was accused of being the sneak. Bonnie couldn’t help being surprised, even though she shouldn’t have been, as Amy put her arm around her shoulders and declared that she wasn’t joining the others in accusing her.
“Please don’t cry so, Bonnie,” Amy pleaded, offering Bonnie a handkerchief. “The others are just being idiots, that’s all.”
“Oh, thank you, Amy,” Bonnie professed, wiping her eyes. “I can’t believe they’d think I’d be the sneak.”
“Neither can I,” Amy agreed. “How could they think you’d be capable of such a thing?”
Bonnie hesitated. “Well, maybe they’re right to,” she admitted. “They did think I sneaked on June in the third form, didn’t they? But I told them it wasn’t sneaking, since I said it in front of everyone.”
“You were quite right,” Amy agreed. “And you only did it to get me out of trouble. I think it served June right. Now they’re wrongly accusing you again. As if you’d ever sneak to that awful Miss Tallant!”
“I have been sucking up to her a lot lately,” Bonnie admitted. “It must’ve looked suspicious.”
“You suck up to all the teachers,” Amy reminded. “They wouldn’t suspect you every time you did, would they?”
“I suppose I do,” Bonnie muttered. “I was just trying to get her on my side, but I guess I tried too hard. Now it seems like I really do like her.”
“But they still shouldn’t have accused you,” Amy insisted angrily. “I can’t believe all of them would, after everything you did to help Bill and Clarissa last term.”
Bonnie couldn’t help smiling, flattered by Amy’s defense of her. “Thank you, Amy. It was really decent of you to stick up for me. I don’t care if they all do send me to Coventry, as long as you’re still my friend.”
“Of course I am,” Amy assured, putting her arm around Bonnie. “And I always will be.”
Bonnie smiled, but there was an unsatisfied ache in her chest. She wasn’t sure why, but she wanted something more than what Amy had said. She remembered when she had been investigating at Five Oaks and noticed how close Bill and Clarissa seemed. Bonnie thought they might just be close friends, but she couldn’t ignore the way Bill held Clarissa close or knew everything about her. She had walked in on Clarissa lying next to Bill on the couch after she had injured her leg, resting her auburn head on the other woman’s shoulder while stroking her tanned arm. Bonnie had quickly backed away, assuming Clarissa was just offering her friend comfort since she was injured. But she couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d like to do the same with Amy. The thought made her feel indecent. She was sure Amy would be disgusted if she knew Bonnie thought such things about her.
Bonnie was good at figuring out people, but she was surprised by her own feelings. She observed Amy carefully, trying to figure out if she felt the same way, but she could barely understand her own feelings, let alone someone else’s. She noticed the way Amy smiled at her without any of the smugness she did with the other girls, or praised her more than she would with any of them (though it was, admittedly, always in her snobbish manner). But Bonnie wasn’t sure whether that meant anything other than that Amy valued her as a friend. Amy was more difficult to figure out than anyone else, even though she was her best friend. Bonnie couldn’t just ask her, either. If Amy didn’t feel the same way, it would ruin their friendship. She couldn’t bear the thought of Amy’s smiles turning into scornful glares, or her carefully worded praise becoming words of disgust.
She leapt for the opportunity to take Higher Cert in the sixth form, both to prove June wrong and take her mind off her feelings. At the same time, she felt like a coward. She could figure out small secrets about others, or get them to do her French prep or darning for her, but when it came to something as serious as this, she was much more reluctant.
She was delighted by the idea of starting a dress shop with Amy after she left Malory Towers. Her parents were reluctant about the idea, but Amy managed to convince them the same way she always did, with big eyes and wheedling pleas. She loved the idea of doing something she loved for a living, but she liked getting to live with Amy even more. At the same time, Bonnie felt the same unsatisfied ache when they entered the shop for the first time. She knew that she couldn’t work with Amy without confronting her feelings that she had tried to bury for so long. Bonnie remembered how making a dress for her had helped win back Amy’s affection. Maybe it would work this time as well. She had already sewn many dresses to display in the shop, so Amy likely wouldn’t suspect anything.
“I say, Bonnie, you are clever,” Amy remarked as she saw Bonnie sewing another dress in the back room of the shop. “I just know our shop is going to be a tremendous success, with your talent.”
Bonnie smiled. “Why, thank you, Amy.”
“Though, of course, it wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for my money and connections,” Amy continued in her usual snobbish manner.
“You’re quite right,” Bonnie agreed. “I could make all the dresses in the world, but I wouldn’t have any idea where to start if it wasn’t for you.”
Amy observed the dress Bonnie was making. “That’s a wonderful dress, Bonnie. But I do wish you wouldn’t hang it up to be sold. It would look lovely on you.”
“It would?” Bonnie asked, surprised.
“Of course,” Amy agreed. “The red color goes nicely with you. You’d look very cute and dainty in it.”
Bonnie lowered her head, feeling disappointed again. Would Amy ever think of her as anything but cute?
She was about to tell Amy it was for her when she interrupted. “I wish I could make my own clothes. It’d be a lot of hassle, but it’d be worth it if I could make whatever I wanted to wear. But I’m not nearly as talented as you.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” Bonnie assured. “You look wonderful in anything. You could buy any dress, and they’d all look great on you.”
Amy smiled, enjoying the flattery. “Why, thank you, Bonnie. But that dress in particular would look nice on you.”
Nice, but not beautiful, Bonnie thought. “It isn’t for me, actually,” Bonnie admitted, holding the dress up. She realized it didn’t fit Amy, and not just because it was a little small. “It’s for… somebody else.”
“Really? Who?” Amy asked.
“A friend of mine,” Bonnie said, choosing her words carefully. “She’s excited about the idea of the dress shop as well. I figured I’d sample a dress on her.”
“Oh, really? One of your friends from back home?” Bonnie hesitated, not wanting to lie to Amy. To her relief, she went on. “No offense, Bonnie, but as nice as the dress is, it would really only suit you. You’d look very nice in it.”
“You would as well,” Bonnie retorted. “Then again, you look beautiful in anything. I’d only look like a doll.”
“That isn’t true,” Amy assured.
“Isn’t it?” Bonnie asked. “Both you and Olive said I was like one. And I suppose you’re right.”
Amy hesitated. “I wouldn’t want you any different,” she said. “I think you’re fine the way you are.”
“You… you do?” Bonnie asked.
“Of course,” Amy assured, beginning to sound like her usual snobbish self. “Not everyone can be as naturally beautiful as me, after all. In fact, few people are, so it’s nothing to feel ashamed about. I wouldn’t want you any different from how you are. You wouldn’t want to change me either, would you?”
“No, of course not,” Bonnie assured. She hadn’t thought of it that way before. Somehow, it felt even better than Amy calling her beautiful would.
“Besides, looks can be deceiving,” Amy reminded, stepping closer to Bonnie. “Isn’t that what they say? You aren’t as sweet and innocent as you look.”
“I’m not?” Bonnie asked. “Well, I suppose you’re right. I know I can convince others to do what I want. I look so innocent, they never would suspect it. It wouldn’t be as easy if I wasn’t.”
“I suppose not,” Amy agreed. “I’m sure you’ll be able to do the same with all of our customers. You’ll cut down any customer who tries to bargain with us.”
“It is a decent skill to have,” Bonnie admitted. “That’s how I convinced my parents. I made a dress for my mother, and told her how lovely she looked. Then when she praised me for my skill, I approached the subject of the dress shop.”
“How clever of you!” Amy exclaimed. She stared at the dress Bonnie wore. “But did you really make that dress for a friend?”
“I did,” Bonnie insisted. It was the truth. “But I’m not sure if she’ll like…” She trailed off.
“Like the dress? Of course she would,” Amy assured. “You have a wonderful talent. Anyone would be honored to wear a dress you made for them.”
Bonnie hesitated, realizing how to tactfully lead up to the question. “I daresay,” she agreed “But I didn’t just want her to feel honored. I had another motive for giving the dress to her. I wanted to see how she’d look in it. And to see if… well, if she liked me as much as the dress.”
“I’m sure she would,” Amy assured. “Who wouldn’t like you? You’re very skilled at getting others to. Why, you even got Miss Peters to like you, remember?”
“That isn’t exactly what I meant,” Bonnie admitted. “I didn’t want her to like me as a friend. I wanted her to like me something else. I know she’d look beautiful, no matter what dress she wore.”
Amy’s eyes widened, realization filling her face. “Bonnie…”
Bonnie backed away as Amy stared at her in shock. Maybe she had gone too far. Now Amy would recoil in disgust. As she headed to the door of the shop, Amy grabbed her arm. Bonnie turned to her, staring into her face. Her dark lashes fluttered as she stared at Bonnie, her eyes filled with awe instead of smugness or disgust. As usual, Bonnie felt plain compared to her. Amy leaned forward, her grey eyes staring intently at Bonnie, until her face was inches away from Bonnie’s small rosebud mouth. The next moment, Bonnie gasped as she felt Amy against her. She wrapped her arms around the other girl, tightly grasping her waist as Amy’s hands gripped Bonnie’s soft brown curls. This was everything Bonnie had wanted, but she had been too much of a coward to pursue it directly.
When they pulled away, Amy’s face was flushed, her grey eyes sparkling. “Me. You were talking about me, weren’t you?” she asked breathlessly.
Bonnie could only nod slightly. “I was too afraid to tell you.”
“But you just did,” Amy reminded. “Well, not quite. You skirted around the subject, as you always do. You were too afraid to tell me upfront. But then again, I suppose I was as well.”
“You were?” Bonnie gasped.
“I felt disgusted,” Amy admitted. Bonnie’s heart sank, before she went on. “With myself. I thought it wasn’t right for me to feel such unnatural things. I thought that if I pretended it didn’t exist, it would go away, but it didn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, despite how disgusted I felt with myself.”
“I couldn’t, either,” Bonnie agreed. “I suppose I’m not as shrewd as I thought. I did notice the way you looked at me, but I wasn’t sure if it meant you liked me that way. I barely understood how I felt.”
“That was my fault,” Amy admitted. “I tried my hardest to cover up how I felt. I suppose I succeeded, if you didn’t notice.”
“Sometimes, I wish I could’ve told you directly, instead of having to skate around it,” Bonnie admitted. “But I was too afraid of how you’d react. I thought you’d be disgusted with me, and you wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore.”
“Did you really think that?” Amy exclaimed. “Even if I didn’t feel the same way, I wouldn’t. Then again, I suppose I can’t blame you. I can be a snob at times.”
“Maybe,” Bonnie admitted. “But I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
“I wouldn’t have you any other way either.” Amy smiled at Bonnie, and Bonnie felt a rush of joy. She wished she had the courage to be upfront and direct earlier. But at least now, she had gotten what she wanted. She should’ve known she would, like she always did.