Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rhythmic chopping of a knife against the cutting board was a comforting sound, the empty kitchen letting Sanji focus only on the task at hand. The sun had made itself known not too long ago, staring the cook down directly through the window he was facing as he worked. As was his daily routine, it didn't bother him- the fringe that fell across his face was enough to keep his vision intact and he could do this task with his eyes closed if he really wanted to. 

The waves were calm today. They brought a soft breeze through the open window, salty and warm and promising of a beautiful day. He looked forward to going out for his break that evening and soaking up the warmth from the rocks on the shore as he enjoyed a cigarette or two. That was the best part of working and living on the boardwalk, being so close to the thing that brought him so much comfort. He could live the rest of his life only having the ocean and the kitchen and he’d be happy.

"I need you on the floor today," Zeff’s voice cut the atmosphere like a serrated blade as he came out of his office, rolling up his sleeves to join in on the prep work.

"After lunch?" Sanji asked, though he hoped it wasn’t a question.

"No. All day."

Sanji set the knife down, trying to subtly ease the newfound tension out of his shoulders. He couldn’t undermine the authority of his boss just because he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the Thursday brunch crowd, as much as he wanted to. Zeff of all people knew how much more he enjoyed being in the kitchen.

"Grant and Rue are out with the stomach flu and Niko can’t cover. So I need you to wait tables."

"Are you fucking kidding me?” He turned to the old man. “Alone?"

"It's a Thursday, Benji will be in during dinner but you're the only other person I've got today."

"Why can't you do it yourself? Isn't it the manager's job to pick up slack?"

"You're supposed to be a manager,” he finally challenged Sanji's eyes, “and you would be if you'd fucking get over yourself," he barked.

"Well I'd be able to get over myself if you'd show me an ounce of respect!"

Zeff's eyes narrowed, lip curling as if preparing to lash out one last time. Instead, he spoke in a level voice only lightly spiced with irritation.

"Get your ass out of my kitchen, now."

Sanji huffed, throwing his apron over the back of a chair and storming out into the empty dining room toward the host stand. This was going to be a long day.

///

"Zoroooooo!"

"What," the man groaned, barely opening his eyes to see Luffy's face, upside down above him and waking him up from his afternoon nap with far more noise than necessary.

"Get up, get up, we gotta get ready for dinner!" He cheered, drumming on the arm rest as if it would make Zoro move faster.

He rubbed sleep from his eye, yawning. "I'm ready just fine."

"Come on, Nami will kill me if I let you come to Baratie dressed like that- and they might not let you in."

"Couldn't she have picked a restaurant without a dress code?"

"It's her birthday, Zoro, we do what she wants."

"Fine… but I'm not wearing a tie."

He listened to Luffy's quickly retreating footsteps as he dragged himself up off the couch, pressing the heels of his hands into his back as he stretched. Why he slept better on the couch than in his own bed, he could never know; maybe it was as simple as the magic of a midday nap versus a proper night's sleep, or maybe the relief of re-stretching his joints after contorting his large body across something made to seat people was just more appealing.

Either way, Zoro made his way to his room (the door to which was immediately behind the couch) to find some fancy-restaurant-appropriate clothes. What he managed to find was a dress shirt he'd bought in college for some sports night banquets, settling on his cleanest black jeans since his old dress pants didn't fit anymore.

Nami would have to live with him wearing combat boots. At least they weren't dirty.

///

Of all Thursdays, it just had to be the one week out of the month that the corporate bigshots from the city made their way to Baratie.

Don’t get him wrong, Sanji loved the fact that the restaurant he considered his own was popular enough to draw people to Eastport on a regular basis, but some clientele was just so infuriating. This specific group of men were no doubt leaving behind offices of employees with a backlog of work that they wouldn’t be lifting a finger to help with, and the way they spoke about their secretaries made Sanji sick to his stomach. That was on top of the every-Thursday faces, retirees who find it in themselves to be miserable about everything, never failing to find something wrong with their food despite always ordering the same thing. The lull in people after the lunch service was welcome, except for the fact that Sanji still had an hour until his help arrived and he really, really needed a cigarette.

///

For all the complaining that Zoro did, he enjoyed going out for dinner. Baratie certainly wouldn’t have been his choice, probably ever, but it beat the plain meal prep and or carry out dinners he and Luffy usually lived off of, and he had to concede that Nami’s birthday was important enough to suck it up. The restaurant itself had a cozy atmosphere, lights dim with red and gold accents everywhere and a pristine white cloth on the table- not that he’d expect any less from a place so pricey. The only way this place could get more expensive looking was if the ambient classical music was a live performance.

The waiter walked up to the table with his head down, clearly distracted but the bustling dining room was evidence enough to give him some slack about it.

“Name's Sanji, I'll be your waiter, can I get you anything to drink?" He said all in one breath, boredom laced in his words.

"Cordon Rouge."

He raised his brow with a smirk, suddenly fully engaged now that he saw Nami. "Going to need an ID for you first, dear."

She grabbed it out, pursing her lips. "I'm twenty three."

He studied the birthdate on the card, just to be sure even though it was clearly not an underage ID. 

"Ah, happy birthday then,” he said sweetly as he handed back the card. “Well, I'm afraid we've run out of Cordon Rouge, we're not due for another shipment until tomorrow. It's quite a popular drink for summer months. Could I interest you in Tangerine Moscato? It's still got the citrus taste just with a far lower alcohol content."

"Sounds good," she said through her smile, and Zoro rolled his eye at the special attention he was clearly giving her. Sure, fancy restaurants could spoil their patrons, but this was a flagrant violation of his comfort as well as Nami's. As well as she acted to accept the flirting, he could feel how much she wanted him to take his eyes off her and her low cut shirt.

"And for the rest of the table?" He asked more flatly, not bothering to find the others’ eyes.

"Beer," Zoro said predictably. "Whatever's on draft."

Usopp seconded it, asking for the same. Luffy ordered his regular milk, getting a brief strange look from the waiter but no argument.

"I'll be back with those shortly,” he smiled at Nami and they watched as the blond walked away, a lot more energy in his step than when he first approached.

"He didn't even ask for my ID…" Usopp said as soon as he was out of earshot. "Do I look that old?"

Zoro huffed. "I think he was just distracted."

“Men are so weird,” Nami groaned.

“Straight men,” Zoro corrected.

“Hey!” Usopp said defensively, “I'm weird in a good way!”

“You don't count, you're a theater kid,” Nami rolled her eyes with a laugh, and a moment later the waiter returned with a tray of drinks.

“Here's your Moscato, sweet as you are,” he said with a wink, passing out the other drinks without the narration. “Are we ready to order?”

Luffy was the first to announce what he wanted, and as they ordered Zoro noted how many times the waiter’s eyes flicked back to Nami, even when he wasn't talking to her. She also noticed, but didn't say anything further, and their conversation commenced normally once he walked away.

By the end of the meal Zoro had put more energy into ignoring the blond than he was willing to give on a normal day.

“Will this check need to be split or is someone treating you for your birthday?” The waiter asked with a wink. Again.

Not even giving Nami a chance to answer, Zoro had enough. "Is something wrong with your eye?"

A moment taken aback, he sized up the new challenge, probably noticing Zoro's own eye for the first time as he caught him staring at it briefly. "Pardon?"

"Stop winking at her like that, it's weird."

"If you're such a jealous boyfriend, why aren't you sitting next to her?"

"She's not my girlfriend, dipshit."

"Then stop speaking for her."

"Zoro-" Nami tried, reaching diagonally across the table to her friend but he stood up before she could stop him and Usopp was blocking her into the booth.

“You need to watch your mouth, eyebrows.”

“Bold words coming from a sentient moss ball bastard like yourself.”

Zoro grabbed for his collar and wound back to throw a punch, only for the waiter to simultaneously elbow him in the face and knee him in the stomach, earning a scream from the table behind them.

"Sanji!" Zeff shouted from the door he just erupted out of, striding quickly despite his limp across the restaurant floor to grab his waiter by the collar and drag him back. After making a show of throwing him through the swinging door, the owner returned to the table where the four friends were now all standing, the three others crowding Zoro worrying over his bloodied nose despite no real damage.

"I sincerely apologize for his behavior tonight," he spoke softly though with a grating edge, giving more deprecatory glances to the people around them. "Your meal will be on the house for your troubles, so don't worry about the bill. Just enjoy the rest of your night." With a  forced smile and a nod he turned away.

Barging back into the kitchen, he found his target pulling cigarettes from his jacket on the rack. He dragged him outside, saying "How do you expect me to trust you to run this place if you can't keep your own damn head?"

“I know,” he replied, lip curling but sounding defeated.

“That bill’s coming out of your check-”

“I know.”

“You're lucky I haven't fired you yet.”

Sanji closed his eyes, letting his head fall against the brick behind him as he let the words sink in.

“I’m lucky you ever took me in,” he mumbled quietly. “You remind me every day.” 

Zeff sighed, looking around as if he was considering taking a seat and making this an opportunity for conversation before just shaking his head and reaching for the door. “Get on the dishes when you're done here,” he ordered, though his tone had dramatically softened. “I'll have to take over for you out front.”

///

"Can't believe you left me out at your birthday dinner,” Nojiko teased Nami as they settled into the restaurant booth.

Zoro slouched in his seat like he never grew out of his edgy teen phase (he hadn’t) and crossed his arms over his chest. He was wearing the same outfit too, because he only owned one dress shirt and this wasn’t worth buying another when he wore it so rarely. At least the fabric was comfortable.

"You and mom had me all day-”

“I for one can't believe we're here again,” Zoro grumbled, not about to keep his thoughts to himself and maybe slightly annoyed at how the sisters acted like they never saw each other despite living together.

“Can't wait for you to get beat up by the waiter again,” Usopp snorted, and he recoiled at the deadly gaze he received for it.

“Nami told me all about that,” Nojiko commented with a smile. “You’re still that hothead I knew in high school, huh?”

“Fuck off, he was just being a dick.”

“Or you’ve got a thing for beating up blonds.”

“Not my fault blond men are dicks.”

As if summoned by the conversation, the blond in question rounded the corner and Zoro immediately wanted to leave again. He cringed the moment the man opened his mouth. 

“Ah, nice to see you again Nami dear, how was the rest of your birthday?”

"She's not into you, dude,” Nojiko replied deadpan, not even bothering to make eye contact as she busied herself with the menu, and relief washed over the table at the quick shut down.

Except his face showed absolutely no offense. If anything, it brightened to have another woman speaking to him. “My apologies, love, and what's your name?”

“None of your business,” Zoro retorted, and by the look on Nojiko’s face she was ready to say the same.

Sanji’s jaw tensed, glancing briefly in his direction. “Nice shirt,” he said disingenuously, voice drenched in annoyance. “Can't afford one that fits you?”

“I can afford anything I damn well please,” he said back, trying his best to keep his cool. “I just don't believe in flaunting that around like a pompous asshole.”

The waiter's knuckles were whitening with his grip on the notepad, also obviously trying not to have a repeat of last time. “There's a difference between flaunting wealth and having class.”

Zoro rolled his eye, and Nami took back control of the situation, getting on with the order before either said anything else inflammatory.

When he walked away again, Nojiko gave Zoro an understanding look.

“Yeah. He's a dick.”

///

Being a Friday night, it was busy- and for once Sanji was glad for it. He thought that if that mosshead ever showed his face again Zeff would see to it that he wasn’t seated in Sanji’s section to avoid a repeat of the incident three weeks prior, but being able to see Nami again was a treat and the new woman with them had him intrigued as well. He stole glances over toward their table every chance he got as they laughed jovially with one another, wishing he could join in on the conversation and learn what made them so happy.

Once the plates were all about empty and there was nothing more to order, Sanji came around with the check.

“So, how are we splitting this?”

Once again addressing the women, he hadn’t expected the mosshead to be the one to answer, let alone for him to say “don't bother. I'm paying.”

Sanji glanced between the bill and the bright green card that Zoro held out in front of him. For a table of five that had ordered the amount they had, both food and drink, he was surprised. He was accustomed to the younger clientele splitting checks, save for those on dates wanting to impress, and the confidence in Zoro's eye almost made him want the card to decline just to wipe the smug grin off his face. But it didn't.

He returned to the table with the card and receipt in hand, silently passing it over and waiting for the signature. He noticed everyone else pooling cash for the tip, glad knowing full well he wouldn’t be getting one off the card regardless, and just smiled as he collected the rest of the dishes and wished his farewells.

///

It was dark as they made their way out onto the street, bodies heavy and spirits high, laughing along to another story as they tried not to stumble down the sidewalk. Zoro noticed absently that Luffy’s eyes went wide as he patted his pockets, stopping dead in his tracks.

“I left my wallet inside.”

Zoro groaned, but the other was already making his way back to the restaurant. He considered just going ahead to where they parked a little further down the road, but the car was locked and everyone seemed content to stand around and keep talking. He watched as Luffy reached the light of the entryway, being met outside by the blond waiter who apparently found the lost wallet. The exchange should have been brief, but when he saw the man smiling and laughing at something Luffy said he sighed. He knew his friend well enough to know that once he got a conversation started there was no hope, so he leaned against the building they’d stopped in front of and listened to the ocean waves echoing through the nearby alleyway.

Chapter Text

Sanji wasn't used to the quiet suburban streets further inland. The apartment he shared with Zeff above Baratie was on the ocean side of the building, with neighbors in front and above- not that he didn’t appreciate the living situation, he wouldn’t trade the scenery for anything

As a kid he'd wake up on Wednesday mornings to the delivery truck out his bedroom window, run down to help despite Zeff grumbling about him getting under his feet. He loved being around people just as passionate about food as he was, who accepted his want to learn and be helpful and be a part of everything going on around him. He'd fall asleep at a booth in the empty dining room while the closing staff finished cleaning around him, only to be woken up by a frustrated Zeff saying he won't bother coming back down next time he finds Sanji's room empty, despite never really following through with it. His teenage years were a fundamentally unique experience as being in a touristy spot meant meeting new and interesting people every day. 

But tourists came and went. As far as regulars, even those he came to know well weren't the kind to invite some twenty something to their social gatherings. His neighbors consisted of childless people the same age or older than Zeff, so he never really had a chance to make friends his own age.

It was strange, the contrast between Luffy and his friends. When he'd come back to retrieve his wallet, there were a handful of things Sanji may have expected to hear. For one, maybe an apology for Zoro's behavior, but his hopes weren't ever high for it. Maybe a well wish for a good night, or a thanks for the service. No, Luffy asked how old he was .

Not the first time, nor would it ever be the last that Sanji would hear that at work. It was usually while he was actively waiting tables though, and usually some older individual, who would follow up asking where he grew up, if Sanji was married, had kids or other things wanting to know about his personal life.

He'd never gotten the follow up question of “ how come I've never met you before ?”, as if being unknown to Luffy was a taboo that had to be corrected.

What resulted was a newly minted contact in his phone, a text from which included an address, a time, and four word explanation.

Join for game night :)

The house was a two-story queen anne on a skinny lot, not much yard to speak of but the neutral colors of the siding made the red front door all the more notable, and it was conveniently just a block away from the nearest bus stop. For as sociable a person he considered himself to be, he was outright nervous to knock on the door- the anticipation of waiting for it to be answered, the unknown of who’s face he should expect-

His anxieties were quelled when Luffy’s stupidly contagious smile greeted him, and he realized he could see almost straight through to the back of the house. Nami and Usopp were in the living room getting things set up, and he followed Luffy through to join them.

///

Mondays were always designated game nights. 

It was a tradition they’d kept up since high school, especially important in the years after graduation where they couldn’t depend on extracurriculars to see each other. Seeing as Luffy and Zoro were the only two to attend the same college, they tended to make whatever their living arrangement was at the time the default meeting location. Of course, being able to get a house by third year made it even more of a prime setting.

Hearing the knock at the front door after knowing that Usopp and Nami had already arrived gave him pause. Didn't they pick up food? Were they getting something delivered?

When he finally ventured out of his room, the seat of the couch closest to his door was already occupied.

"What the hell is the shitty waiter doing here?"

The man in question looked up with a tight smile. "I was invited. What are you doing here?”

“This is my fucking house,” he replied. “And you’re in my spot.”

He had the gall to feign nervousness when not even making a move to get up. “Luffy didn't tell you I was coming then?"

"No, he didn't ," he huffed, waiting again, impatiently, seconds away from taking the seat by force.

“You can have my seat, Zoro!” Luffy quickly offered up, jumping from the well-worn red armchair and onto the floor, tossing his black and green controller back up onto the seat for him.

He realized then that his roommate was doing his best to ease animosity, and as much as he hated it, he knew he didn’t have a choice. 

"You wanna join, Sanji? We can have up to eight."

The blond shrugged, arms crossed tightly across his chest. "I've never played before."

"Wait, seriously?" Luffy nearly dropped the controller as he spun his whole body toward him. "Never?"

"Nope," he laughed. "I didn't really have this kind of shit growing up."

"You're kidding," Usopp chimed in, "you gotta get in on this game. I'll help you."

Zoro wished they'd chosen a different game. Something simpler. Maybe a damn card game , because after everyone else had selected their mains the waiter was still scrolling through all the options just looking at them.

///

After much deliberation and a redirect from Usopp to find an easy starter, Sanji settled on playing Lucina.

They ended up playing three free for all rounds.

The first round, Usopp got out pretty quickly because he was too focused on trying to multitask with coaching Sanji on top of putting himself as a punching bag. He'd mentioned that his character has a unique moveset with strategies, which is exactly what he'd warned Sanji against choosing in Rosalina, something about her being strong but difficult to pick up right away. Zoro was focused on getting the others out first because he figured Sanji didn’t pose a threat, and after Nami chucked Usopp off the ledge she and Luffy just teamed up on the mosshead to let Sanji make attacks where he could. Zoro ultimately finished off Nami first, then Sanji, then Luffy.

The second round Sanji thought he'd gotten the hang of it, so Usopp was able to last longer though he and Luffy are both shouting tips over top of talking to themselves which definitely weren't helping anyone. Sanji laughs as he's the first to lose all three lives, but proud of himself that he took one of Luffy's; he watched as the others continued shouting over each other, the clashing of the joysticks and buttons and in-game sound effects like a score under the scene.

In a way, he felt like he was becoming  a part of something outside of himself. Something unrelated to work, something to give him a whole different kind of meaning. A part of him was jealous that these people had known each other so long, that they were so tight knit and knowledgeable of each other like a family despite only meeting in school. But he recognized that they were giving him an opening to what they had, welcome arms and a warmth he hadn't experienced since he'd first met Zeff.

He decided to keep these feelings to himself. While he wanted Luffy and Usopp and Nami to know how grateful he was, he suspected Zoro would only ridicule him for the sentimentality. Maybe that was just how he was. Maybe he was a huge softie only known to his closest friends, not like Sanji expected to ever get to that point.

Zoro won again.

In round three Sanji managed a couple of kills, swapping between attacking Luffy and Usopp as he focused on dodging and getting the occasional low percentage hit on Zoro.

“Why aren't you attacking Nami?” The man nearly shouted over the blabbering of the others.

“I don't believe in hurting women.”

“My character is a woman.”

“Yeah? So is mine.”

“You- ugh,” Zoro let himself trail off, never to finish the thought as he focuses all of his attention on the combo to take Sanji's last life.

“You don't have to go easy on me, Sanji, it's more fun when I get to kill you fairly,” Nami joked, moving her attention to Luffy on screen.

“I will happily die by your hands any day.”

He noted the eye roll, though Zoro tried to make it subtle. A few more minutes and Zoro and Nami were the last alive, the former performing a finishing move on her as she slouched back into the couch.

"The undefeated champion reigns supreme!" Usopp cheered between them, reaching to high five his friend.

"Undefeated, huh?" Sanji asked with slight exasperation.

"Yeah,” he replied matter of factly.

"I think I stood up pretty well to you then, it being my first time."

Zoro rolled his eyes. "It's just a game."

"I could probably beat you in a real fight, though."

His glare snapped back. "What?"

"Yeah. Bet I could take you with my hands tied."

His gaze narrowed, every muscle in his body tensing at once. He stood up, as if to accentuate his imposing stature. "Do you take me as a fucking joke or something?"

Nami's eyes went wide, a flash of their first interactions surely coming to mind as her hands shot between them. "Sanji, I don't think you want to-"

Level as he could, he put up a hand to stop her. "I think you're all underestimating me. Let me prove it to you."

A tense moment passed like hours, a wary exchange of glances among the others in the room. Even Luffy was quiet for once.

"Thursday. Cross Guild Gym. Six pm."

A smirk crept onto Sanji's face. "It's a date."

“Okay!” Nami clapped her hands loudly as she stood and moved toward the TV console, “Let's find another game.”

///

Cross Guild Gym was only a thirty minute walk from the house. Zoro had gotten a membership after finishing college, as he couldn’t benefit off of the school’s facilities anymore, and was drawn in by the fact that it offered a rentable practice space for all varieties of martial arts in addition to the weight room and machines. As luck would have it, the owner himself was a multi-award winning swordsman, and after weeks of pestering he agreed to help Zoro moving forward with his own sword training.

"So let me get this straight," Mihawk sighed, standing over Zoro as he continued his sets, spotting the lifts and watching his form. "You've just met this man, who has already punched you in the face once-"

"Elbowed," he grunted. "Weakly."

"Elbowed you in the face, and he jokingly challenged you to a one on one fight during a game night and you just decided to host it here?"

The bar clanked back onto the rack, the green haired man sitting up and making eye contact with his mentor.

" Yes ."

"And what makes you think this fight will be worth it for you?"

"It's to prove a point. And because his face pisses me off."

"What am I going to do with you?" Mihawk asked nobody in particular as he shook his head, handing Zoro a bottle of water.

“You sound like my mom,” he groaned under his breath, stretching his neck and shoulders to get ready for the next set. “Can I use the practice hall or not?”

///

"Is this too tight?" Luffy asked, pausing before he finished the knot on the sash. Sanji shifted slightly, checking the pressure.

"Feels right," he replied. "Don't want to be able to slip out."

“Are you sure you don’t want any gear?” Perona asked from where she sat with the others. “I'm sure there’s something in the storage room-”

“We’ll be fine,” Zoro cut her off. They already got mats out so they wouldn’t be fighting on hard floors, and he at least had the principle not to cause any real damage no matter how much it would gratify him to do so. His own hands were wrapped so he wouldn't hurt himself and well- they both knew what they were getting themselves into.

“I do appreciate your concern, love,” Sanji cheekily cooed, and the other man rolled his eyes in tandem with her mimicking a gag while Nami tried to hold back laughter behind her phone.

“Do try not to kill each other?” Mihawk breathed with an even tone, clearly wanting this to be over but not willing to let it go on without proper supervision. That would be too much of a liability.

“Ready,” Zoro said simply, clenching and unclenching his fists as he locked eyes with Sanji, waiting for the final approval to start.

“Go on then,” the other said, keeping his posture with just the slightest tilt to his head and waiting for Zoro to make the first move. Of course he couldn't put up much of a stance with his situation.

So Zoro stopped waiting. His first instinct was to rush him, lunging toward his midsection and grabbing a leg to flip him onto his back.

Except he failed to pin him. The bastard rolled out of it like nothing, jumping back to his feet and rocking from one foot to the other, finally looking like he was ready to do something. His hands came up high in front of his face for his elbow to meet Zoro's fist, though as he punched a second time lower he realized with a start that Sanji was actually using the tie to his advantage, cutting down quickly to trap the arm as he attempted to take Zoro down. He wasn't actually using his hands though- if he'd grabbed him by the wrist he may have had a chance of finishing the move- and his grappling technique seemed sloppy as Zoro pulled away.

Just a moment to regain himself, he tried rushing him again, only for Sanji to drop past his arm and roll away.

He had to at least give him credit for his evasion and speed. Before Zoro had even turned around Sanji was back up, ready to deliver a downward kick to his shoulder that would surely have knocked his head if just a few inches to the left. It wasn't full force though, more like a taunt to keep entertaining him. Zoro used the opportunity to grab him by the ankle, trying to flip him off balance.

But Sanji recovered like it was nothing. He didn't even stumble to stay upright after spinning out of that move, his grounded leg swiveling from the same position like he didn’t have ligaments in his joints.

“Actually fucking try to hit me,” Zoro growled, and he saw the blond snicker.

“What, are you not having fun?”

As retaliation to the statement alone, he aimed his next blows to Sanji's gut, making contact with the first but barely grazing him with the next as the waiter spun and back kicked him in the ribs.

What followed next was a flurry of alternating low torso kicks, leaving Zoro little choice but to focus on blocking while he waited for the other to tire himself out. It was like a cat toying with its prey- no kick hard enough to even hurt but the movement of which caused the automatic reaction.

He got an opening while Sanji was counterbalancing himself and took it, launching his fist right to the side of the other's face.

Despite the attempt to keep it in, he heard Sanji's whispered “ shit ” as pressed his hand to the freshly busted lip, and Zoro felt a rush of adrenaline knowing he finally got him to break his nonchalant facade. He was breaking him down. This was how he'd win.

Logically speaking, they were in completely different weight classes. If Zoro wasn't holding back, Sanji would've been knocked on his ass from the beginning- and these sissy kicks he kept giving weren't doing shit to his own stamina.

Something about the blond’s movements was tactical, though- but Zoro had no idea what the hell his endgame was. Tiring him out would be near impossible since all he does with his life is train.

Zoro threw a cross and was dodged, Sanji ducking under and taking hold of his wrist and shoulder from the back, launching himself upward and kicking up and over the other's head to lock it with the inside of his knee. Pulling his legs together he dragged Zoro headfirst to the ground, and flipped him to his back where his neck was pinned between Sanji's thighs.

It would be simple for Zoro to lift him off and keep going. He benched twice Sanji's weight easy, he could pick him up and throw him- except for the fact that his heart felt like thunder in his ears and his arms and legs suddenly felt like jelly.

"You tapping out already, mosshead?" He asked provokingly, noting the lack of resistance from his opponent. Zoro didn't even want to look at him, especially for the fact that turning toward Sanji in this position would give him a far too close for comfort view of his ass.

"Get off me," he growled, the other relenting and rolling over his own shoulder back onto his feet. Zoro pushed himself off the ground, feeling entirely too warm and like every eye in the room was focused on him. He made a bee-line for the locker room, shutting himself in a stall knowing someone would try following him, and it wasn't too long before the tell-tale slap of Luffy's flip flops echoed with his approach. 

"Zoro,” he started slowly, as if approaching a wild animal. “Is everything okay?"

Luffy was way too caring .

"I'm fine."

"You couldn't have expected him to be able to fight like that. I'm sure you were going easy on him, right?"

"Leave me alone,” he grumbled, picturing the hurt on his friend's face from the refusal. “I'm not talking about this with you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?” the other replied unexpectedly. “If you don't talk to me you don't talk, and you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"It's not- It's not something I can explain."

I can't explain something when I don’t even have any idea what the fuck just happened.

There was a short silence before he heard a defeated "Okay… Fine."

There was another long pause, Zoro waiting to hear retreating footsteps and the creak of a door.

"Do you want me to wait for you?"

"No. I'll walk."

Finally, after Luffy left, Zoro steeled himself enough to make it to the shower. He hoped that the freezing water would offset how hot his skin felt.

It was embarrassment, right? It's just that he hadn't done much boxing with an opponent. If they'd been fighting with swords it would've been over in no time.

Or, at least, with shinai. He didn't think he could trust Sanji with a blade. He chose to ignore the fact that he couldn't entirely trust himself with a blade around Sanji. Not to mention, again, Mihawk would kill him if he caused any real injury in his gym.

He wished so badly, not for the first time, that Luffy wasn't so insistent on making friends. On making him friends on his behalf. Because whatever the hell Luffy saw in Sanji gave him a goal that he wouldn't ever let go of, come hell or high water, and Zoro is going to have to live with this humiliation.

Chapter Text

Zoro did his best to ignore Sanji’s presence at the next week’s game night. Knowing that it would become a part of the routine, it was something he had no choice but to build a resistance to- so he focused on the games at hand and let all the others entertain the blond.

The same could not be said the day after when they went to the city for a baseball game.

The plan had been that Luffy’s brother Ace would be going with and then staying with them the rest of the week. The main reason they’d gotten the tickets in the first place was to have something to do while he was in town- but some sort of work scheduling conflict meant that he wouldn’t even get to Eastport until late that night.

Meaning, they had an extra ticket. 

At least they had good weather. A sunny and clear August afternoon had to be the most ideal setting for a home game, the familiar layout of Paradise Field being a comfort knowing he could always recognize where he is if he loses track of his steps (and just for good measure, Nami always writes the section they're seated in on his palm before he can wander off).

Even Luffy, who had as much joy entering the stadium as he did on his first visit, didn't have eyes as wide as Sanji. 

“I've never been anywhere like this,” he commented under his breath, shaking his head as if it would erase the words under Zoro's judgemental gaze.

“Did you grow up under a fucking rock?”

“Basically, yes,” the blond replied with an awkward shrug. “Didn't have much time with running the restaurant and all. Zeff has never been a sports guy anyway.”

“So do you know anything about baseball?” Usopp asked.

“I've watched The Sandlot a fair few times if it counts for anything.”

“You better not ask every five seconds for us to explain things to you-”

“Don't listen to him, Sanji,” Nami reassured, punching Zoro's shoulder as a playful gesture though she hit way too hard for it to be considered just that.

“I'm a quick learner, I'm sure I'll catch on.”

As soon as they reached their seats and settled in, Nami piped up again.

"Alright. Place your bets," she announced, empty palm offered fo the air.

"Twenty on Mariners," Luffy answered immediately, handing her the bill.

"God, Nami, can we go one fucking game without gambling?"

"Nope," she replied. "It's our tradition."

"It's your greed."

"Hey, hey, don't take her fun away," Sanji chided, reaching into his own pocket for a twenty. "Y'know what? I'll back the Razorbills."

Zoro scoffed. "That'll be your loss, then," he said matter of factly. "The Mariners have home field advantage and one of the strongest pitchers in the league."

"I like to root for the underdog," he shrugged with a smile, and Zoro wanted to smack it off his face.

"I'm going for Mariners," he grunted, and Usopp joined that decision as well. "What's your wager, then?"

"Razorbills," she smiled, which wasn't surprising. She tended to go for whichever pool would get her the biggest payout, so with nearly everyone betting against them she's got a chance at a lot more than if everyone just re-split the winnings of the bet. It just didn't make sense how she was so confident here, because she knew-

“Hey Mosshead, are you a pitcher or a catcher?”

He glared at the interruption to his train of thought. “What, you suddenly care about baseball now?”

“I-” He stuttered for a moment, dumbfounded by the reaction. “It's a- joke?”

The two stared tensely at each other before Nami jumped in to explain.

“He's asking if you're a top or a bottom.”

“The fuck? How would I have known that?”

“Did we not go to the same public school?”

“He didn't talk to much of anyone outside of us, Nami,” Luffy offered.

“Either way its not fucking funny, I'm not answering that,” he stood up with a huff, not bothering to listen to Sanji's attempted apology. “I'm gonna go find beer.”

Had it been a serious question about baseball, and been asked by literally anyone else, he could have been willing to talk for once, and he would have told them that he had been a catcher. If it was someone he wanted to share his interests with, he would have told them about the high school team: how he was the only kid who didn't flinch at an object hurled in his face at seventy miles per hour, and that made him an obvious choice for the position.

The only other kid that could have done it was the star pitcher himself, and captain of the team the year Zoro joined. Two years his senior and as temperamental as the ocean, Eustass Kid was always a force to be reckoned with, constantly testing Zoro's stability and skill with bullet-like fastballs and equally deadly aim. The only thing that kept them from being friends was Zoro's tendency to keep everyone he knew at arm's length, but that meant when Kid graduated he wasn't too torn up about it.

Especially not when, in Kid’s senior year, Luffy joined the team.

At the start of tryouts, Zoro didn't believe that a thirteen year old, five-foot-five noodle armed freshman would make the varsity team. He'd made it his freshman year, of course, because all he'd done his entire life was train- but just from looking at Luffy he didn't stand a chance.

He was very, very wrong. Luffy had a hell of an arm on him, and even starting out was pitching upwards of ninety miles an hour.

There was a point in time that Zoro had dreamed of being down on that field, looking out to the mound to meet Luffy's eyes for the pitch, drowning in the sound of the crowd but staying on the same wavelength regardless. Then he lost his eye in college, and that recovery period and loss of depth perception was enough to stomp it all into the ground.

Luffy was never bothered though. His dreams evolved past fame and recognition and he easily settled for staying in the stands, never missing a game from their home team.

That's all to say that Zoro knows his teams. He'd never been more confident in the outcome of a game than he was that night, because the Razorbills hadn't won a single game that season. Sure they put up a fight, even taking a game into an extra inning before defeat, but the Mariners had what was supposed to be the biggest advantage of all.

Eustass fucking Kid.

As he returned to his seat he reassured himself; as long as Kid was on the mound, the Razorbills wouldn't score. But it seemed like the Mariners were struggling to score, too- the former was putting up a good defense. Inning after inning the numbers couldn't seem to move, sitting at 0 to 0 for an uncomfortable amount of time. It was getting closer and closer to the possibility of the Razorbills coming around.

And that meant Sanji would be right.

The unfortunate thing Zoro forgot to consider about Kid was his attitude. Yes, being competitive as all hell was a good thing. But it was not a good thing when that competitive spirit mixed with the tension of a difficult game, boiling to a point where somebody was bound to break.

And of course, that person just had to be Kid.

It was the bottom of the seventh inning, still no runs gained on either side. Kid was visibly pissed that he hadn't gotten past second base before an inning ended, and the way he fidgeted as he swung in the on-deck circle seemingly made even his teammates hesitant to approach him. When he was finally up to bat, he swung at the first pitch-

And missed.

It wasn't the best pitch to begin with. Zoro could tell it was too low, and Kid should have known that too.

The second pitch was better but he swung too low, missing by a hair and stomping in frustration.

The pitcher readied himself, and Zoro could imagine his thought process. He could see the hesitation in his eyes, because Kid was a nightmare for the opposing team on a good day.

He wound up, stepped out, and let go.

Kid jumped back, the ball curving too close to his elbow for comfort.

Should've taken a walk, Zoro mentally groaned, as at least getting hit by the ball would grant him a base.

All at once the crowd booed, and when Zoro caught onto what the reaction was for, he wanted to scream.

The umpire called it a fucking strike .

Just as soon as the crowd erupted Kid’s helmet flew off, his bat going in another direction as he screamed at the umpire that it wasnt a fucking strike, it was inside. This was an umpire he didn't recognize, and it made sense, as the bastard had the gall to get in Kid's face about it. It was only a matter of time before Kid would react physically, shoving the ump with both hands away from him. It wasn't enough to knock him down, and the mic was muted so nobody could hear what the redhead was saying, but after he stormed off the field it was made pretty clear he wouldn't be coming back.

Once Kid was out the game was practically over. The Mariners managed one point but couldn't keep the Razorbills from getting two in the ninth. Nami cheered, pulling the cash back out to divide it between herself and Sanji.

“Lucky break,” Zoro mumbled as the crowd started to file out of the stands, and the blond smiled gloatingly.

“Not like you needed the money anyway,” he shrugged him off.

Zoro wanted to bite back. He'd already have to share the back seat of Luffy's car on the drive back to Eastport with him. He needed at least something to hold over him not to lose his mind.

“Hey!” Luffy bounced excitedly at the front of the group. “The speed pitch game is still open and there's no line!” 

He didn't bother asking if the group wanted to stop before making his way over, but Zoro smiled. This was just what he needed to fix his mood.

Handing cash to the bored college student tasked with running the thing, he watched Luffy wind up and get his form. Almost as soon as the ball left his hand it thudded on the tarp twenty feet away, the screen displaying the calculated speed.

“Ninety-seven?!” Sanji exclaimed, almost dropping his phone, looking between Nami and Usopp in astonishment who, ultimately, weren’t very surprised.

“Damn it!” Luffy whined, his shoulders slouching. “My record's one-o-six!”

“Alright, move,” Zoro grinned, taking the next ball for himself and measuring at eighty-five. “Both a bit out of practice, huh?”

“Wanna try, Sanji?” Luffy suggests, picking the last baseball off the stand.

“Eh, why the hell not,” he replied, obviously trying to hide his nerves as he took the offered ball.

His form was awful. Luffy held back from correcting him, and either way the blond moved too fast to let it happen anyway. Zoro snorted at the achieved score of forty-six. 

“Looks like you should stick to waiting tables, Dartbrow.”

“I’ll have you know I’m a chef ,” he bit back in defense of his ego. “And it's funny you're trying to demean me when I doubt you can even boil water.”

“Oh come on, cooking can't be that hard.”

“You want to prove that?”

///

While the house that Luffy and Zoro shared had a decent kitchen, it was small. Enough for two people to stand in, sure, but not for two people to work in simultaneously. Nami offered her own house for a venue, as the kitchen was the second largest room in their ranch house after the living room. With double the counter space, it was far more ideal- and Sanji looked forward to cooking for Nami and her sister.

Luffy had to drive them there, of course- it was too far from a bus stop to realistically depend on that for transport, and of course he would never knowingly let food be made without being present to indulge himself. Usopp was working, but Sanji promised to set something aside for him to have later.

After a quick stop for groceries they arrived, Nami greeting them outside. The most exciting aspect to him was the revelation that Nami lived on an orchard .

Citrus trees were extremely uncommon this far up the east coast- but these orange trees were well loved and clearly decades old with a row of high tunnel greenhouses protecting them from the impending winter. On the mention of the Valencia's being in season, Sanji was ecstatic to suggest including some in his dish- and followed her to pick a few fresh off the trees to also make mimosas while they waited for the food to be finished.

Once inside he got right to work organizing his ingredients, and he saw Zoro hesitate looking over his own. They had both planned on seafood dishes, and he could only presume that the mosshead had decided to get a whole fish because he’d seen Sanji walk straight past the cuts. He grinned.

“Do you not know how to break down a fish?”

From the look on his face, Zoro wanted to say that he did. But that would be a blatant lie, and Sanji wasn't sure the man was even capable of lying.

“I can help you through that much if you need,” he said genuinely, picking up his haddock and making quick work of gutting and beheading it. He half expected disgust to take over Zoro's face- most people buy fish pre gutted so as to not get squeamish cleaning them out- but instead he stood fast in his determination.

“I can figure it out.”

“Just make sure the guts come out whole so it doesn't spoil the meat. What are you making anyway?”

“None of your business,” he growled, but Sanji didn't have to ask. He had spotted a bamboo mat, nori, and rice among the supplies Zoro brought. There wasn't much guessing to do. As Sanji added the second fish head to the broth, Zoro had finally gotten to gutting the salmon in front of him.

He worked slowly at it, extra cautious without Sanji’s confidence of experience but he did well not to mess it up. Sanji had his own two fish fileted quickly and set to juicing oranges for the mimosas, watching Zoro sharpening the knife he was about to use next.

“Know your way around a blade at least,” the backhanded compliment only earned him another glare. “Would you like a drink?”

“I'd prefer beer.”

“Of course you would,” he rolled his eyes, measuring the prosecco he found into the chilled glasses.

Just as he added the first orange slice to garnish, the back door opened to a familiar face, who looked at Sanji with equal recognition. 

“A Baratie chef in my kitchen? Not what I expected to come home to, its been a while.”

“Isabelle,” Sanji smiled. “Good to see you! I should've known it was a beautiful woman like you who'd raised these girls.”

Nami froze in the archway to the dining room with their exchange of pleasantries, eyes wide. “Wait, you know each other?”

Essentially ignoring her daughter's question, she adds “well Nami's never home Monday nights anymore, and Nojiko cooks more now…”

Nojiko joined her sister, equally confused.

Instead of either of the girls voicing it, Zoro made everyone's curiosities clear. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Baratie does community meals on Mondays.”

Zoro's face of absolute confusion prompted Sanji to continue an explanation.

“Since we're closed Mondays and Tuesdays, we cook up all we've got left from the week before we get our fresh delivery on Wednesday,” he explained, “and open up the doors for anyone in need of a good meal.”

“Wouldn't a lot of people take advantage of that?”

He shrugged. “Our normal customers would think too highly of themselves to show on a day like that,” he sighed. “They think the food is lower quality just because it's not the freshest ingredients. But Zeff refuses to waste anything, so we get to be creative and just serve the people who can't afford it on normal nights. Before it would actually expire, of course.”

“Doesn't sound like a smart business model.”

“Well, it's been going on about sixteen years now, and we're doing alright. It's just the extras, really.”

“And I definitely did appreciate it when the girls were still in school,” Bell-Mere added. “Gave me a day off worrying about feeding them.”

“You're welcome to keep coming for yourself, dear. Zeff would be happy to see you around again.”

“How is he, by the way?” She asked launching them into even more small talk as he added another glass to the tray to serve her as well. Nami got to the fridge for the beer she heard Zoro wanted, and eventually corralled her family into the dining room and out of the way, but still within talking distance.

After Sanji washed the remnants of the orange juice off his hands he backed directly into Zoro at the island, taking a shove in response.

“Can you stop bumping into me?” Zoro snapped.

“Quit getting in my way,” he chaffed, flicking water toward the other. 

“Don't fuck with me while I've got a knife in my hand.”

“ Boys ,” Bell-Mere chided from her spot at the table, and Sanji gave in, slipping back to his pot at the stove without further argument.

///

Zoro's dish could have turned out better. It's hard to mess up the taste of sushi so long as you pick the right ingredients, and the futomaki was cut evenly at least, but it fell apart too easily and the presentation was lacking all around. Sanji's Bouillabaisse on the other hand, seeing as it was a stew, was much easier to plate and make look nice with the swipe of a towel around the rim. Nami had to shove Luffy away to make sure she could get a good picture before he destroyed it.

And that he did. Predictably there were no complaints from him about either dish, so the real question landed on the three women of the household.

“Could’ve gone lighter on the wasabi,” Nami critiqued.

“And the cooked salmon’s kind of dry,” Nojiko added as she put the half eaten onigiri back down, only for Luffy to swipe it with a comment of ' more for me ’.

“It's not that bad, you're just too picky,” Zoro grouched, contently eating one for himself.

“She’s right,” Sanji retorted. “You should've left the skin on to cook it.”

“I don’t cook a lot.”

“Clearly. So can I take this as a win?”

“Absolutely,” Nami answered for him, settling it there.

Chapter Text

Usually Zoro prefers to drink at home. The stuffy crowded atmosphere of bars and clubs contaminated the taste of his booze, and he knew he could never fully trust drunk strangers. But Luffy, the one who doesn't drink , loves to go out- he can put up with drunk weirdos with a smile and still manage to have fun without being in a state of intoxication, loud music and socializing being his life blood in place of it. Usopp could only be in that sort of situation while under the influence, but it makes him feel alive or whatever and everyone's content to look after him so he can have fun. Nami equally loves to drink and party- though she holds it far better than anyone else, stands as one of the more functional drinkers of anyone they know alongside Zoro. Responsible, yes- of course. She's only been blackout drunk once in her life and swore off from drinking on an empty stomach for the sake of cheaper inebriation ever since.

Zoro is not a party person. He drinks for the enjoyment of the drink itself. He enjoys himself when he drinks. He doesn't care that it's a special themed night and everyone else is dressed like it's the eighties. He doesn't care that he sticks out like a sore thumb in black sweats among the neon disco surrounding him. But of course, as always, he goes where his friends want him to go.

“Shotgun race, loser buys shots!” Nami announced, calling Usopp, Sanji, and Zoro to her attention as she led the way across the bar floor.

Most of the time bars open cans for you- but a draw to the bar they frequent is its proximity to the local university. They have party game areas, including, of course, a shotgun ‘ring’. Mostly it's to limit inevitably spilled beer on the main floor, and attracts spectators to the point where you've got the whole bar cheering for you to chug like a basement frat party. Doing the challenge also gets you a deal on the drinks you’re gunning, so Nami loves starting out the night with it.

One of the employees took Nami's cash and handed the four pack over, turning on the neon sign that announced the little ‘event’ reading ‘CHUG!’ in bright bold letters.

Luffy hollered in excitement, almost loud enough to drown out Sanji's own question of “How does this work again?”

Letting Usopp go over the explanation, Zoro wondered again how much of a rock the blond had been living under. He probably didn't go to college, then, it seemed like his entire life was the restaurant and nothing else. Did the employees never party?. Maybe it's the uppity nature of being a high class restaurant. Not that he cared.

What patrons were paying attention started the countdown, and they simultaneously stabbed the low side of the can with the provided pens, tipping to crack the tab and start the pour.

Zoro had it down in about a second, with Nami shortly after. Usopp took about twice as long, but still probably a record for himself (possibly on the account of shotgunning cans of water whenever he had a chance to show off).

And then there was Sanji. The look on his face suggested he didn't really like beer, but was determined as all hell to finish. It turned out to be too much, because he sputtered out the last bit and struggled to keep from spilling it on his acid wash jeans or dusty pink cutoff shirt tucked into them. He laughed, Usopp patting him on the back to make sure he didn't choke, and Nami cheered at the premise of free shots when she knew she wouldn't be paying for them regardless.

When the group's tab officially opened on Zoro's card (for simplicity, of course), and before Zoro could settle with a fresh pint next to Luffy stuffing his face with boneless wings like his life depended on it, the DJ announced that karaoke was opening up. He knew Usopp would be quick to put himself down now that he was buzzed, but the whispers between him, Sanji, and Nami as they glanced his way made him uneasy.

“Zoro, karaoke duel,” he said, slinging an arm around his tense shoulders. “You vs Sanji then me vs Nami, we're on a team” 

“What?” He asked, barely even for clarification because he doesn't know where to start with sorting out the words coming out of his friend's mouth. “How is that even gonna work?

“Doin’ duets, me ‘n Nami can go first, Luffy's pickin’ the songs,” he finished pulling Luffy off his stool and toward the DJ's stand.

That still didn't register as an explanation in his brain, but he was hopeless to argue, as Luffy seemed almost more excited to watch this than anyone was to participate.

Going along with the theme of the night, the only songs available for karaoke were those from the eighties, much like the soundtrack had been for the night so far. The song picked for Usopp and Nami was Burning Down the House by Tom Jones and the Cardigans, the former trying entirely too hard to match the deep tone of the original singer.

When he was forced up onto the stage, he saw the song title loading on the screen.

Dancing in the Street - David Bowie and Mick Jagger.

This wasn't even fair. Zoro wasn’t sure he'd ever even heard the song, but from the look on Sanji's face, he knew it well .

Plus, Sanji hit every note with such confidence. He was already drunk, was he not? He should be stumbling over his words- but he held fast to the daiquiri in his hand as he danced and serenaded for the crowd.

Zoro tried, he really did. But getting up and singing in front of a bunch of people was not his style. He preferred doing something he was good at. No one was looking at him anyway, he didn't think. Except the damn cotton candy colored bastard up there with him, who kept glancing over as if to make sure he was actually participating, trying to egg him on to sing louder. 

He would absolutely not be matching Sanji's volume. It pissed him off to no end.

After what seemed like forever, the song ended, and Zoro could not get back to the bar fast enough. He needed something strong.

It was a shame Zoro had such a high tolerance. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to lift that pit in his stomach, to overwhelm the warmth in his face from the way Sanji so heedlessly stared through him in moments of distraction.

Usopp and Luffy were off dancing and screaming along to the latest karaoke performance, leaving Zoro to trail after Nami and succumb to her whims, something Sanji was more than happy to do. Finding an unoccupied pool table, Nami decided that she wanted to play, and Zoro leaned against a nearby wall to watch as Sanji competed against her, though there was far more swooning than anything- babbling nonsense and not really thinking through the game beyond the isolated turns. Nami was far in the lead pretty quickly.

Once Nami won she excused herself to the bathroom, and Zoro was left alone with Sanji yet again. If only he could stop talking for two seconds.

“Y’know, you’ve got a nice chest,” the blond commented, and Zoro had no idea how the hell he was supposed to respond to that. 

"Like, I knew you worked out, but you're like… Big, big. What're your measurements?"

He gave him a look. "Why would I know that?"

"You never had to get anything tailored?" He asked, head falling to one side like a confused puppy. "No wonder everything's so tight on you."

"I like my clothes how they are."

"I wish I could just buy clothes off the rack, they don't make men's pants that fit my waist and height."

He couldn’t stop the question from slipping out.

"So you buy womens pants?"

"Sometimes…” He looked down, pretty obviously signaling that yes, he was wearing women's pants right now. “It’s not my fault I'm mostly legs."

His mind wandered back to the feeling of those legs around his neck, and he mentally cursed himself for letting it go there. Sanji was quickly invading his space to look at the tag on his jacket, making his face burn with the proximity.

Zoro finally elected to push him away, which he should've done the second Sanji's hand touched his arm, but something in his head short circuited about it, he just couldn't pin what or why. The blond pouted, saying something under his breath that Zoro couldn’t quite make out before turning toward the dance floor.

“Where’d Sanji go?” Nami asked as soon as she returned.

“He went off to find Luffy,” he assumed, considering the path the man had taken. “Wanna play another round?”

///

It was getting late- or rather, early- and the bar would only be open for another hour or so. They usually tried to leave before last call considering the time it took to get everyone home, so Nami and Zoro ventured to find their other friends. Luffy wasn’t hard to spot considering how his yellow bucket hat glows under black lights, and Usopp was as expected, right beside him.

“Wait. Where's Sanji?”

Nami’s eyes were suddenly wide with worry, and Zoro realized that the blame was about to fall on him when Usopp replied “I thought he was with you guys?”

“I'll find him,” he acquiesced, quickly moving to do just that. Nami followed close behind after telling Luffy to go get the car, and it took a bit of weaving through the tables before they spotted him.

The blond who was attached to some brunette stranger, shorter than him even in heels. She was no less attached- one hand in his back pocket, the other being held by his as he complimented her ornate jewelry and kissed delicately at her rings. Their eyes were transfixed on each other, hers pretty obviously undressing him in her mind- that or her gaze was simply devouring him whole. Zoro approached reluctantly with a growl.

“Oi, idiot, come on. Time to go.”

Sanji turned just his face, raising a glass- yet another margarita- as if to toast as he said “Not done with my drink.”

“You’re already drunk off your ass,” he chided, taking the glass from his hand and putting it back on the bar before grabbing him by the arm. “You're going home.”

Sanji tried to protest, but the alcohol made him pliable and easy to drag away.

“Such a fucking killjoy,” he muttered once they got out to the sidewalk, wrapping the denim jacket tight around himself. “This is why I go to bars alone.”

“What are you on about?”

“I had a chance for a date with a beautiful woman and you fucking ripped me out of it.”

“Sure. Like you could get someone that easy.”

“I can , you ass. I have .”

“Do you even know her name?”

“ Charlotte . I’m not a fucking dog, of course I asked her name. God, she was so beautiful- and you didn't even wait for me to get her number or anything.”

“She would've learned how insufferable you are and given up anyway.”

“ Zoro, ” Nami scolded, obviously feeling the tension between them and fearing a physical altercation, which the latter was tempted to instigate regardless. Sanji didn't respond, and for a moment Zoro thought he'd won, until he looked back to see the pained expression.

Apparently he'd hit a nerve. He wished that could satisfy him.

Zoro had seen that woman roll her eyes and immediately smile at a different guy, getting into his space like nothing. Not that he'd shame a woman for expressing her sexuality or going after what she wants, but Sanji was too fucking blind to see that what she wants wasn't his kiss kiss fall in love prince charming fantasy. People acting like that in bars aren’t looking for anything meaningful, they just want easy sex- and she didn’t seem nearly as drunk as Sanji was.

As if on cue, Luffy pulled up with the car to load the others in. With Usopp riding shotgun, Zoro and Sanji had no choice but to share the back, separated by Nami who once again was thinking ahead to prevent them from killing each other as they made their way across town. It was cramped in the back seat of the sedan, especially when all Zoro wanted was to lie down and sleep.

Just when they thought that things couldn’t get any worse, red and blue lights lit up behind them, Nami pressed her arms against both of their shoulders in an unavoidable warning.

“Don't do anything stupid or I swear to god I am not bailing you out of jail.”

“I keep telling you to get a new car,” Zoro groaned, this not being the first time his friend had gotten pulled over with him as a passenger.

“Usopp, the papers,” Luffy instructed casually, the other dutifully going into the glovebox to retrieve them.

“Wait- what were you even doing?” Sanji's voice was drastically smaller, he had shrunken into himself with his eyes wide.

“Existing,” Nami sighed. “His gramps is a lieutenant and constantly checks in on him like this.”

Not to mention the fact that his car looked like a junker- it ran well thanks to Usopp's careful maintenance, but the mismatched body panels that Luffy turned down the opportunity for Usopp to also fix made it extremely recognizable for cops regardless if they worked with Lieutenant Garp or not.

“It gives it character!” He always laughed about the bright red door on the black frame, or the matte blue bumper that didn’t match the shine of the rest. He'd compare it to scars a lot, because there was a reason he'd needed to replace those panels. But even then, it gave the assumption that he was a reckless driver even though he'd only been at fault for one of those accidents and there wasn't even another car involved.

The officer that appeared at the window didn't look much like a grandfather, rather he looked like a rookie all bright eyed and sweating, surprised when Luffy offered up his documents without even being asked.

“Oh- Thank you,” he paused, looking at his ID. “Do you know why I pulled you over tonight?”

“‘Cause Lieutenant Garp told you to check up on me,” he smiled.

“Well, uh-” he stuttered, “you were also swerving back on 5th.”

“Just avoiding a raccoon. And you've been following me since we turned off the highway.”

“Have you been drinking tonight?” He asked, obnoxiously flashing the light across the other faces in the car.

“My friends have, but I don't drink. I need to get them home. Is Garp in the car back there?”

“Uh- yes, he is.”

“Let me talk to him?”

The officer paused, obviously caught off guard by the whole situation. “Right. Okay.”

He walked back with the papers to process the stop, replaced by a rightfully grandfather looking man.

“Can you stop using me as a training device?”

Garp sighed, leaning to look in the back seat instead of answering. “Nobody got in any fights tonight?”

“Nope. And you know I don't drink, so stop making your officers pull me over under that assumption,” he added with a heavy dose of passive aggressiveness.

“You know I'm just looking out for you, kid.”

“And I'm an adult that can look out for myself and I'm trying to look out for my friends, so I'd really like to get them home.”

Garp nodded once with pursed lips, momentarily eyeing Sanji since he was the only unfamiliar face present before huffing and ending it with a ‘ drive safe ’.

The blond on the other side let out a breath- had he been holding it?- and asked just above a whisper “How can you just… talk to cops like that?”

Luffy shrugged. “I know my rights. They know I know my rights. That's why my gramps uses me to test the new guys.”

Sanji was visibly confused, still not moving when the other officer returned to the car to give back the paperwork and also told Luffy to drive safe.

“What's wrong,” Zoro laughed as Luffy put the car back in drive, the blond finally losing some of the tension in his shoulders. “You've never met a cop before?”

“No. I haven't .”

He was really, really serious, and Zoro filed that fact away for later. He could probably use it against him at some point, if for nothing else than relentless teasing to provoke him. Sanji would be the last person to have to see a cop's bad side- given that he's well put together, charming, and a white man - he has the least to worry about of the people in the car. The cops don't know him like they do Luffy, getting targeted because of his job and his grandpa being so dead set on ‘keeping him out of trouble’. Not like they know Zoro, with his multiple nights getting booked after a bar fight he swore he didn't start. Hell, even Nami had a criminal record- a small infraction for shoplifting when she was still a minor, but a record is a record. Usopp may never have been arrested, but he's still seen the inside of a police station, he's still had to interact with cops.

He was glad they decided to take Sanji home first.

Chapter Text

Every time there's a birthday in the friend group, Nami does a tarot reading. Zoro's never been one to believe in horoscopes or astrology, but he's not one to judge either, especially when it's something so important to his friends. He just always refuses the readings when offered. Whether it's from disbelief or not wanting to hear what his own reading would reveal, he'd never tell. It doesn't matter if Nami has some sort of actual connection to divinity or whatever she calls it, she's good at reading people and making them believe her.

To say the least, Kaya was excited to get involved in this tradition. She'd never had a reading before, never really interacted much with such ‘occult’ concepts as she was raised extremely sheltered. It was over-protectiveness for the sake of her well being in their eyes, ever since she was diagnosed as diabetic at the age of twelve and they never stopped treating her like a child- so much to the point that at the age of twenty-two, she still hid the fact that she was dating Usopp from them in fear that they wouldn’t approve of her simply growing up.

“Make a note to pay attention to people's intentions, and don't let yourself be naive,” Nami narrated as she looked around at the different cards, already in the middle of her reading. Zoro sighed. It really was a lot of surface level connecting the cards to things she already knows , because anyone who knew Kaya would tell her the same thing.

When Nami got to the death card, he started paying attention again - slightly. Just enough to hear what she said about new beginnings, about change and the anxieties surrounding it.

Zoro spent a lot of his free time meditating, but it would be a lie to say he did a great deal of introspection. On his goals, sure, and the progress he was making toward them- but he often ignored the fact that change really was something that unnerved him. The kind of change that wasn't an active choice, something he didn't work for but rather was forced to work around. He prided himself on his adaptability but was it even true outside of practiced movement and improvisation in technique? He spent far more time pushing things from his mind than he did trying to understand them.

He had held the same core group of friends since junior year of high school, almost exclusively. Here he was, almost twenty-five, and suddenly there was a new friend among them. Even though Luffy collected friends like Pokemon cards, they never infiltrated the group like this. Even though they all make an effort for Kaya to feel welcome into gatherings, Zoro never felt the way he felt when Sanji was around. Was it just discomfort? Anxiety? Jealousy ?

It was unusual and unfamiliar and he didn't like it. He didn’t like change.

He had always been like that. He'd always had a hard time making friends because of the fear that they'd leave him in the end. A man afraid of nothing but losing, forcing loneliness on himself for the benefit of never being left behind.

He still didn't know Sanji, not really. He definitely still didn't trust him.

“Free reading is for the birthday girl, anyone else has to pay up!” Nami's shout at Luffy's excitement over something or other tore him out of his brooding, and he decided he needed air and the quiet that only putting a door between him and the party would bring. Unluckily for him, Sanji was out there too, burning a cigarette down to the filter with his soft gaze trained inside. He hadn’t noticed the blond sneak out- then again, he was convincing himself he didn’t care.

What he did care about, though, was the unidentifiable emotion in Sanji’s face. So lost in his thoughts that he didn't acknowledge Zoro’s presence, not even to be annoying. For a moment he considered Sanji might be interested in her- but even if he thought Sanji was an asshole, he seemed decent enough not to go after a woman in a committed relationship. 

"Quit staring at Kaya. You’re being weird."

That seemed to startle him somehow, as his entire body language changed in an instant. "Am- am I staring?" He replied genuinely, not a hint of the sarcasm that usually laced his words to Zoro. "I didn’t mean to-”

"Keep your creeping to people who aren't my friends," he said with a huff, walking around the side yard - more a barely two foot strip of grass, really - to the front of the house to properly be alone.

By the time he went back inside, they’d gotten out some card game to play and were fully invested in it on the living room floor. He stalled in the kitchen for a bit, searching the half empty bottles strewn across the counter trying to decide which one he wanted. Eventually he picked up a nearly empty bottle of rum, electing to just drink it straight and finish it off.

No sooner had he cracked the cap that the stupid cook decided to grace him with his presence again. He didn’t even bother making eye contact, just leaning against the counter and trying to enjoy the drink.

"What do you want?"

"I want to clarify that I was not creeping on Kaya, okay? She just… Do you ever see someone and feel like you’re looking at a ghost?"

That made him finally look over, with a glare.

“Is that some commentary about her being pale?”

“No!” He nearly shouted, trying desperately to justify his comment. “No, of course not, I mean- she just reminds me of someone I lost, is all. And seeing someone who shares attributes with someone you’ve lost is like- You’re fully aware that there's no way they’re who you’re thinking of, but you get… nostalgic, you know?”

He wanted to laugh, really. He wanted to curse at him. He wanted to punch him in the face.

He wanted to ask if he knew what it was like being arrested by someone who looks like someone who's dead. To be kept in a holding cell with her across the room while he sobered up, her working away at paperwork none the wiser about his predicament. Him accusing her of mocking him just by her existence because her voice was so hauntingly familiar when all she was trying to do was get him to calm down and cooperate. 

Zoro downed the rest of his drink to avoid him responding entirely, but also to avoid thinking about it anymore. He didn't need Sanji’s sympathies. He needed to get his mind off everything.

Instead of honoring him with an answer he made his way back to the living room, fortunately finding them about to start a new game and easily getting dealt in. With everyone else now standing between them, Sanji didn’t have a chance to bring the topic back up the rest of the night.

///

It had been a long week. With autumn approaching they were entering their busiest season, and Sanji would never complain about spending all day in the kitchen- but it was absolutely non-stop and the amount of entitled people sending back complaints and forcing him to remake perfectly good food was utterly unreasonable.

The food was never wasted, of course- the staff happily put it aside to take on their breaks- it just wore him down like nothing else to be told that the thing he built his life around, he’s doing wrong somehow.

Monday’s community meals were always a saving grace in that respect. People not taking things for granted, appreciating the ability to eat at all- and Sanji enjoyed being able to provide for them. 

Sanji slipped out the back of Baratie as the attendance of the community meal dwindled, long in need of a cigarette and with his own serving in hand to fill his empty stomach. As soon as he was through the door he noticed something furry sticking out from behind the dumpster, and his curiosity beat out his body's cravings.

The dog barely had a tail, but what little stump was there was wagging despite his ears being back and cowering. The poor thing was skin and bones, fur all muddy and matted, eyeing up the bowl of food in Sanji's hand.

“Oh buddy, you can't eat this, it's not safe for you,” he said, cautiously reaching to pet him between the ears. When those eyes looked up at him wide and pleading, he melted.

“Fine… Just a little. I'll make something special for you later, alright?”

He picked through and decided that the sweet potato was safe enough as it didn't have much if any seasoning, separating the chunks and feeding them piece by piece to the stray as he ate his own food in silence.

When he stood, the dog mirrored him, looking up expectantly.

“You can't come inside…” he said, partially to himself as he considered his options. “You know what? Wait here.”

The dog surprisingly complied, and Sanji went inside to check if any help was needed cleaning up. Once cleared to leave, he went back out where the dog was waiting patiently and motioned to be followed. He kept pace with Sanji all the way to the closest pet store he knew of- about a ten block walk.

“Excuse me, you need to have your dog leashed while in the store.”

The woman’s name tag read Camie .

“I’ll be happy to- I actually need to buy one, if that's alright.”

“Here,” she pulled a slip rope from behind the counter. “Put this on and I'll take it back when you check out.”

“Thank you dear, how sweet of you,” he smiled, pulling the lead over the dog's head and adjusting it. Since the dog had been good at staying by his side he didn't worry about making it tight at all. It hung loose as they made their way to the appropriate aisle.

“What color would you like?” he asked rhetorically, mostly to himself more than the dog- though he did receive a bit of an answer. He sniffed at a few before landing on one, standing completely still with his nose touching it.

A deep salmon pink, faux leather. “Expensive taste, huh? I guess I've got some money saved away that I can splurge on you."

None of the leashes really matched the collar, so he picked one out at random and a few other necessities. A brush, shampoo, a bed- a small bag of kibble to hold him over until he figured out some good dog safe recipes- and as he made his way back up he noticed the store had a self serve grooming station. He asked about it once getting to the register.

“Such a well trained puppy you've got there,” Camie cooed as she rang up the items. “How'd he get himself so dirty anyway?

“He’s a stray, actually. Was, I suppose now.”

“Well I'm sure he'll be awfully happy after a nice bath. Let me know if you need any help.”

She advised him to brush him as much as he could first, see if he could get the mats out otherwise the fur would need to be cut. He followed her instructions, spending nearly an hour carefully untangling the hair to avoid hurting him.

Washing off the dog revealed a brown based sable kind of color, the now freshly towel dried double coat fluffy and flying everywhere. He was extraordinarily glad that he'd decided to wash the dog outside of his apartment- there was no way he would get away with doing that without some amount of trouble from Zeff.

Speaking of, he had no idea how he was going to get Zeff on board with having a dog.

He was able to sneak him there easily enough- taking the back route to make sure he wasn't seen in front of the restaurant, making their way quietly up the stairs and into the little two bedroom unit.

He was able to keep off suspicion for a full day. It didn't help him think of a solution, and by late evening that Tuesday the question was raised as Zeff stood in the living room watching Sanji carefully close his bedroom door behind him.

“What are you hiding in there?”

“Nothing.”

“You can't lie to me, Eggplant,” he admonished, and Sanji felt like a kid again getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. A telltale scratching sounded from behind the door and he knew it was best to just come clean.

He huffed and let the dog out, promptly kneeling to pet it.

“You know we can't keep a dog in the apartment.”

“I can talk to Ms Hartley and I'll cover any fees we need to pay-”

“Look how big he is,” Zeff replied as the dog wandered toward him and sniffed his offered hand. “How is a dog like this going to be happy cooped up in this little apartment all day while you're at work?”

Sanji's shoulders deflated as he watched the dog wiggle happily into the attention. “What if I hire a dog walker-?”

“He can't stay. End of story. You need to find a better home for him.”

///

The blond hadn’t shown his face at game night the day before- Zoro wasn't sure if it was a purposeful way to avoid him or a product of being busy, but he'll take it either way. He had enough annoyances in his daily life.

That was dramatic to say- he couldn't reasonably call Franky an annoyance to him , if anything he was entertainment. Constantly getting on Perona’s nerves for not following gym policy, though he doubted Mihawk would do anything about it either. All in all he was a good guy, and at least he had the mind to wear shoes that were secure on his feet so they wouldn't be too bad of a safety hazard, the whole purpose of the shoe rule. The short-shorts were a compromise, the guy didn't like to be restricted and well, if women were allowed to wear them, why couldn't he?

Zoro never befriended Franky, per se, at least not on purpose. He'd known him long enough and had enough mutual friends to be considered one by the man. He was Usopp's boss, after all, and someone he’d interacted with while still in high school through one of Luffy's clubs. Their times only overlapped a little, Franky usually finishing shortly after Zoro completed his warmups.

He vaguely heard honking outside, and Franky came strolling back in making a beeline for where Zoro was sitting doing bicep curls.

“Hey, bro,” Franky smiled wide as he towered above him, “Luffy's outside askin’ for ya.”

“He knows he can just come in,” he grumbled between sets.

“Not with a dog he can’t.”

If he hadn't had a good grip on the barbell it would have fallen to the floor.

“A what now?”

He followed the taller man out front, finding Luffy's car idling right outside the door. Perona had apparently rushed out the moment she saw them, gushing over the fluffy canine in the passenger seat.

“Hey Zoro! Sanji said we should adopt this dog!”

Of course he did. And of course Zoro wouldn’t get a say in whether or not the dog would be coming home with them.

“You wanna come with me to the vet clinic?”

That wasn’t a choice. It annoyed him that his workout would have to be cut short that day, but he just told Luffy to wait for him while he grabbed his things.

///

As it turned out, the dog was microchipped. They called the registered phone number to find that one, the dog's name was Chopper. Two, his owner had died a month prior, and he somehow got out. Three, he was trained to be a medical alert dog- never got certified, but he was highly intelligent, just very skittish.

Which might explain how he ended up thirty miles away from home.

The woman who had answered the phone- a friend of the previous owner- said she'd rather leave the dog to them if they wanted him, since she wasn't much able to keep up with him and his needs. Luffy was ecstatic at this news.

What more they learned was he was only a couple years old, a mixed breed of likely australian shepherd, heeler, and greyhound, among others- those were just the most visible- with big brown doe eyes that could trick him out of even the worst trouble. When they got home, Luffy immediately got to playing with Chopper in the middle of the entryway, nearly making Zoro trip while he carried the bag from Sanji in from the car. Already Zoro could see fur on the floor, and he made it clear that the dog would not be allowed in his room. He sifted through the bag and picked out the slicker brush, tossing it at his roommate as a clear indication that it would be his responsibility.

Not that Luffy was likely to keep up with daily brushing.

Ultimately, a lot of the responsibility of dog care would fall on him. Luffy fed him and made sure he went out when he needed to, but Zoro already went on daily runs so it was only natural he include Chopper in those for proper exercise. As for the brushing, he actually liked the routine of it- Chopper was more than happy to lay however he needed to, dozing off with the repetitive motion of the bristles through his coat. Despite sleeping upstairs in Luffy’s room, he seemed to imprint especially on Zoro, always being by his side when it was an option.

He never had pets as a kid because his parents always said it was too much work, but he could get used to this.

Chapter Text

It seemed like Luffy's group of friends had no shortage of new experiences to give to Sanji.

Instead of the usual gaming setup in the living room, the couch was pushed all the way against the wall- a plastic folding table took up the center of the room, surrounded by metal chairs and littered with papers, dice, and painted miniatures that Usopp was meticulously organizing on a grid.

“Do you know anything about dungeons and dragons, Sanji?” he asked, just glancing up from his work.

“Heard of it,” he replied honestly, taking the last empty seat at the table between Nami and Luffy.

“Don't worry, I've got cheat sheets,” Usopp said, handing him one. “Everyone has pre-made characters so we can get right to it.”

“I'll help you through the gameplay too,” Luffy offered, and Nami rolled her eyes.

“Direct questions to me or Usopp. Luffy is not a good frame of reference for rule following.”

Sanji looked over his character sheet, seeing that Usopp had even drawn designs for each of their characters. His was a high elf rogue gunslinger- long black hair with pointy ears, a dark cloak hiding a belt just loaded with flintlock pistols.  Glancing at the open binder Usopp had next to him, he could see a whole sleeve of character sheets not in use. He must spend his spare time at work making them. He’d been talking the last time they hung out about the gallery Franky lets him keep in the auto shop.

On the television behind him, Usopp pulled up another impressive work of art- a map of the town square they were staring at, grid labelled to align with the one on the table. He commented on it, wanting to let Usopp know just how impressed he was with the effort.

“I made the maps,” Nami said proudly with a smile, and Sanji swooned with the amount of talent apparent in the room. Zoro rolled his eyes. Of course the one who contributed nothing would be annoyed by praises to the ones who did.

The catalyst for the campaign was a flyer on the town news board, asking for skilled adventurers to meet the inquirer in the nearby tavern. The characters were introduced- Sanji’s high elf gunslinger, Luffy’s goliath barbarian, Nami’s tabaxi artificer, and Zoro’s dwarf fighter.

The mission they’re being hired for is to steal maps from a guarded castle, to return some information that was apparently more valuable than gold. They would be going in on the night of the debutante- with the sheer volume of important people around, it would give them a greater chance at sneaking in unnoticed. After getting clothing and using Nami's disguise kit, they made their way to the door.

“As you approach, you're stopped by the guards at the front. They don't recognize you as anyone they know. How do you proceed?”

“Intimidation-” Luffy started.

“Absolutely not-” Nami groaned. “How the hell do you expect to get past them out of fear when they're for protection?”

He pouted, clearly excited to go all ‘bull in a china shop’ with his given character.

“You pose as our guard,” Sanji suggested, “and just stay back. Let us do the talking.”

Usopp rolled a die behind the folding screen in front of him, making a note before looking at Nami.

“The guard questions what a tabaxi is doing in the major city. What's the story you're going to go with?”

“Friend of the Elf. Depends what his story is I guess.”

“I'll be a prince from a faraway land” he suggested. “Nami came along as my guide and companion for the journey.”

“Zoro, what's your business then?”

The mosshead was staring down at his paper with arms crossed. “Ambassador for my home kingdom. Propose an alliance or something.”

“Well, it's a debutante!” Sanji cut in. “You could certainly present yourself to the prince as a prospective bride.”

Zoro narrowed his eyes at him. What? His character was a woman, the least he could do is play it to their advantage.

Usopp instructed them each to roll the d20 provided for a persuasion check, all successful, and they were able to pass into the ball without much fanfare. He switched the map on the screen to the interior of the castle ballroom, paths marked out along the sides where balconies overhang and created a suggestion of separation, doorways dotted evenly across those and guards posted on the balconies to watch from above.

They began to socialize with those around them, Nami warning Luffy to stay close instead of wandering off on his own and making trouble. Usopp’s focus on the storytelling and interactions seemed to bore Zoro as much as they made Luffy antsy to start trouble, and Sanji couldn't blame him. His context for the game presented battles against huge enemies, not a social simulator- but he must have just been building to it. He was told to anticipate a late night.

///

Usopp's excessive inclination for storytelling bored Zoro. Sure, he's good at it, but drawing out the context this long? What was the point of all their other stats if the only ones they were rolling for were related to charisma? And the DM expected them to be in character, so it was unfair to Zoro that he couldn't tap into his own strengths.

What annoyed him most wasn't Usopp's fault, it was Sanji's. The scene setting and immersion would be a lot more enjoyable if they got around to doing anything. It was just the blond’s beaming smile as everything went his way, drawing out the social interactions even more as he role played his stupid prince character with every NPC Usopp came up with. It was his confidence and how easily he slipped into it- Zoro had actually played this game before and yet he was the one left feeling lost and left behind.

“We need to talk to the prince,” Nami groaned, apparently also getting tired of talking in circles, “he’s the most likely to know where the maps are kept.”

“Zoro should try to dance with him!” Luffy suggested, in a moment of proper strategy, but of course Zoro was hoping he wouldn’t.

“You are the only plausible option,” Nami agreed, “the only one in the party capable of blending into the line of potential suitors.”

“I would like to try to seduce the prince,” Sanji interrupts, “Zoro's got shit charisma, I’ve got better luck.”

Now that was a direct challenge. 

“Fuck off, Curlybrow. Let me actually participate, will ya?”

The blond conceded, and Usopp started going through the motions of the interaction.

Zoro- or his character, rather- separated herself from the party and made her way toward the prince, avoiding crowding him and causing suspicion.

“Bardryn, of Todihr,” he introduced, not bothering to put on a voice for her. “Do you have a moment to spare?”

“Roll charisma.”

Zoro smiled as his die landed. “Nat twenty.”

Luffy cheered at that, and the others got engaged in listening again, but that just put more pressure on the fact that Zoro was supposed to figure out how to extort information out of him now. He focused hard on not stumbling over himself and hoped his rolls would suffice.

He went along his original plan, explaining the desire to form an alliance between kingdoms and build trust with the man. He rolled again for it, and his face fell.

“Damn,” Sanji cooed mockingly. “That’s only four with your modifier.”

Who does he think he is acting like Zoro is the one that needs the rules explained to him? He had to have been praying on his downfall, wasting no time coming between his character and the prince to steal the spotlight back away from him.

“I don't believe we've acquainted ourselves yet, charmed to meet you, prince Adalrin. I'm Vaqen, Prince of Draah. I offer my hand.”

“I don't think I've ever heard of… Draah?” Usopp replies suspiciously in his best posh accent.

“We are fairly isolated. I've been traveling for a while. And do excuse my acquaintance here-” he has the gall to motion at Zoro- “you know how mountain dwellers are.”

And to that he was taking offense on behalf of his character.

Sanji rolled a deception check, seventeen even before his modifier that got it over twenty, and attuned to the fact that everyone needed a change of pace, he made easy work of convincing the prince to give him a goddamn tour. The rest followed at a distance, wanting to be ready to fight or give backup when the time comes. With the roll of a stealth check, Zoro and Nami passed.

Luffy failed.

“Luffy, you immediately bump into one of those suits of armor and rattle it- it doesn’t crash down but it's enough to get Adalrin’s attention from down the hall.”

“I’ll distract him,” Sanji announced, “I’ll do one of these-” he drags a finger across his own jaw, mimicking how he would pull the prince's attention back to himself- “and pull him into a kiss.”

“Bold move,” Nami commended, and when he rolled a nat twenty Zoro was about to reach his breaking point.

Before he could act or even say a word, his phone rang in his pocket- the ringtone that grated on his nerves most of all of them.

Zoro huffed, quickly taking himself outside to answer without another word to the table- Luffy at least knew who was calling, so he didn’t bother giving any excuses. Chopper followed, and Zoro picked his leash off the door handle to take him.

The cold night air wasn’t enough to keep his headache from worsening with the impending conversation. 

"Nani ga hitsuyōdesu ka?” He asked, not even trying to hide the irritation in his voice.

(What do you need?)

“Dōshiteru ka to omotte ne… Atarashī deai wa arimashita ka?”

(I just wanted to see how you’re doing… Have you met anyone new?)

His grip tightened on Chopper's leash. He knew where this was going. They have the same damn conversation every year.

“Genki desu.”

(I'm fine.)

There was a beat of silence. 

“Kanojo wa imasu ka?”

(Do you have a girlfriend?)

“ Iie ,” he answered sharply. “Goshinpai naku.”

(No. Don't worry about it.)

Yet another long pause on his grandmother’s side of the line, and he tried to prepare himself for what she would ask next.

“ Mada Kuina ga koishīdesu yo ne? ”

(You still miss Kuina, don't you?)

It doesn’t hurt any less the thousandth time she says it.

“Kanojo o makikomuna,” he advised in a hushed voice.

(Don't bring her into this.)

“Saki ni susumu beki desu”

(You need to move on)

He hung up the phone, knowing full well his parents would be hearing about the conversation the following day but not caring enough to be concerned at the moment. He just wanted to take out all his frustrations physically. Throw his phone and break it so he couldn't answer if his mom called, too. Maybe break a hand trying to punch a brick wall. At least it'll be real physical pain he doesn't have to make an effort explaining for someone else to understand.

Chopper pressed against his leg, looking up at him with something he could almost call pity. He sighed, petting the dog between the ears in even strokes to compose himself.

"So, English is your second language?"

Zoro turned and narrowed his eyes at the nosy blond for his interruption, wondering how much he'd heard since he didn’t notice the door open. Then again, he hopefully understood none of it.

"I grew up speaking both," he answered shortly, sitting down on the steps of the small porch with his back to the door, Chopper clambering over his lap. He hoped his answer would end the conversation; it didn't. Sanji leaned against the railing a few feet away.

"That's nice. I didn't learn to speak English until maybe… eight? nine? I think I was nine."

"Really?"

"J'ai grandi en parlant français. And my english was broken at best. Picked up what I could from what I had but didn't learn it properly until moving here."

"Where the hell did you grow up?"

There was a pause as Sanji picked a cigarette from the box, letting it hang between his lips as he pursed them.

"Dunno," he shrugged as he struck his lighter, as if that wasn't the most confusing thing for someone to say. "I don't remember most of my childhood."

"How can you not remember anything?"

"You ask too many questions, Marimo," he waved him off, blowing smoke and gazing into the stillness of the backyard.

Zoro huffed, walking inside without another word, letting Chopper off the leash and throwing it back in place. He told the rest of the group that he was going to bed, not turning back to look when the back door opened again for Sanji's return. He listened, though, as they continued the game without him in the next room. Usopp took over his character as an NPC, and they ended up locking the prince in a storage room and fighting off a few waves of guards as they left with the prize.

He couldn't help but feel like Sanji was filling a need in the friend group that he should have filled a long time ago. He tried not to dwell on it.

///

"Zoro? You up?"

He exhaled through his nose as he opened his eyes, Luffy's face entirely too close to his, Chopper peeking up just beside him. He didn’t have the energy to be upset about the dog being in his room.

"Does it look like I'm up?"

Luffy sat on the mattress next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder gently.

"Perona texted me to ask how you were."

"It's not like I'm sick or anything."

The redness of his eyes may have convinced Luffy otherwise, had he not been aware of the situation. He'd lived with Zoro long enough to know how heavily this day weighed on his best friend, and with how infrequently Zoro does get sick, this is about as close as he gets to it.

Luffy pouted, pushing back off the bed to sit on the floor and stare directly at him until he made eye contact again or gave Luffy the words he was searching for.

"When are you gonna go today?"

“... In a bit.”

It had become a ritual. Now thirteen times that Zoro had taken the same route from the corner store to the cemetery, thirteen times he had laid Wado Ichimonji across her grave that he'd adorned with her favorite snacks as he ate his own lunch in silence.

Despite having both his parents, they were never really around. His childhood was spent at Kuina’s house, her father much more of one than his own ever was, so much so that his own home felt empty whenever he was there. Her house was backed by a forest that had a clearing on top of the hill- most of their time was spent sparring, practicing, challenging each other to whatever they could conjure up, but really the calm moments were what he missed most. Sitting in the grass, eating convenience store snacks for a meal, and being comfortable in each other's company. He liked that dichotomy of their relationship- that they could be both rivals and friends, they could knock each other down and build each other back up again- though Kuina did always do most of the knocking down. Her tone could be harsh, but he knew she meant the best, and she was always encouraging.'

He let himself smile at her memory, how he always looked up to her as a goal and something like an idol, though not nearly as much as the mutual idol they watched compete on TV so many times growing up. If she was still around she would surely be jealous of him being able to train with Mihawk regularly.

He wondered what she would think of him now. Ever since her passing, Zoro hadn’t let himself be comfortable in anyone's company. His guard was always up, always afraid that the moment he got close to somebody they'd leave him anyway. She’d probably call him a coward for it, and she’d be right.

Luffy was the exception. He always had been. He’d brute forced himself into Zoro’s life and there was no way he’d be able to push him away even if he tried. Luffy was just too good of a person to turn away. If Zoro was a bit stronger, he could let Luffy break down his walls entirely, but no matter how much time passed it felt impossible.

Chapter Text

The late September chill followed Sanji from the bus stop to the red front door, no longer bothering to knock as Luffy advised it would always be open so long as guests were expected. He shed his coat onto the rack with the others, hearing Luffy and Usopp’s enthusiastic chatter about something coming from the living room. The moment he stepped through that threshold he froze, eyes wide at the sight before him.

“What the FUCK is that.”

“Her name is Dutchess,” Usopp said excitedly, seemingly unaware of the tone of Sanji’s voice, “she's a mexican red-knee tarantula, I've been wanting to get one for so long and-”

“Keep that thing away from me,” Sanji flinched when he held up the spider toward him, fighting the urge to leave entirely.

“What, you're scared of a little bug?” Zoro sneered from his spot on the couch, hardly noticed until then and the exact reason Sanji knew he shouldn’t give in to his flight response.

“She's an arachnid, not a-”

“Shut it. Both of you,” Sanji huffed as the spider raised one leg toward him as if to wave, regretting keeping his eyes so closely trained on it yet too paranoid to look away. “That thing is massive. ”

“You're such a priss,” Zoro laughed as Usopp gently returned Dutchess to her carrier. “Bet you wouldn't last a night in the woods if that scares you so much.”

“Fear is an instinct, shitty mosshead. It's what keeps us alive.”

“Yeah, right. It would kill you just to get your coat dirty, let alone having to actually survive without a bed or-”

“Oh really?” He bit back, his face contorted into something offensive as he finally met the others in the middle of the room, ready to give the cactus prick a piece of his mind. “Maybe you don’t know about basic fucking hygiene but I still bet I have more survival skills than you, always having everything handed to you on a silver fucking platter!”

“Boys!” Nami spat from the far side of the couch, voice grating and head in her hand. “That's enough .”

“Why don't we test it then?” Zoro challenged, ignoring her. “We spend a night in the woods and see which of us comes out unscathed.”

“Camping trip?” Luffy piped up, immediately seeing nothing but the joy as always despite the tension in the room.

“There's no way we can let you two loose in a dark forest alone,” Nami scoffed. “You'll either kill each other or get each other killed- someone there needs to actually know what they're doing.”

“I'd be the perfect man for that,” Usopp offered, genuinely confident in the announcement and looking just as excited as Luffy. “I'm trained in every wilderness survival skill and I've got merit badges to back it up.”

Luffy was practically vibrating from his chair, looking expectantly between his friends. Zoro and Sanji met eyes just briefly in a mutual glare, solidifying the challenge before looking to Nami.

“Fine,” she relented. “Then we're all going.”

“Woohoo!” Luffy cheered excitedly, chanting “Camping trip! Camping trip!” as the others tried settling him down to get to the actual planned game for the night.

///

The drive was less than an hour out of the city, but it was cramped riding in Usopp's old crew cab pickup with five people and a dog- Chopper got priority seating up front with Usopp and Nami, leaving Luffy to be the buffer between the other two in the back. It had been a while since Zoro had ventured away from the metropolitan environment, so long that he'd forgotten how relaxing it was. If only he could keep Sanji from pissing him off, then this might actually be a real getaway for him. At the very least, they did bring beer.

After unloading their things from the truck- parked just a few paces from the access road- Usopp led the way through the trees to a small clearing he said he used to camp at all the time with his dad. Being early October now, the forest seemed to glow with the midday sun shining through the red and orange leaves like stained glass.

“As the resident scout and former volunteer camp counselor, I've taken it upon myself to prepare a gauntlet of challenges for you two to prove yourselves as wilderness men!” Usopp narrated as he stood atop the stump of a long since fallen tree. “Each round will be judged in efficiency, efficacy, and knowledgeability to determine the winner-”

Sanji stood diligently at attention while their friend went on with his monologue, hair combed neatly into place and standing proper like this was a goddamn boot camp or something. He fought the childish urge to throw grass or dirt in his hair to piss him off. It probably wouldn’t do much in his favor anyway.

“First, what is the survival rule of three?”

“Three minutes without air, three hours without shelter, three days without water, and three weeks without food,” Sanji answered quicker than Zoro could speak, and he sneered.

“The shelter one only applies to hypothermia,” he added on to have something to show he also knew what they were talking about.

“Yes! And, obviously we can't do much with the air one-”

“Unless one of you decides to choke the other out-”

Usopp gaped at Nami for a moment at the comment, who bore a look of ‘ someone had to say it ’, but he nodded before moving on.

“Which will not be happening, so our first focus is shelter. We have two tents- you each get to put one together. First to finish wins this round.”

“Why are there only two?” Sanji asked. “They’re small, That's not enough for five people.”

“Correct. You and Zoro will not be sleeping in tents.”

Zoro snickered at Sanji's shocked reaction to that, but got right to choosing a location to put up the tent he was handed. They were identical aside from color- one orange and one red- and of a generic brand that Zoro didn't know, but it was just the same as any type of tent in structure. He didn't bother looking at the instructions, but he noticed Sanji looking over them intently.

As a result, Zoro did miss a piece- a smaller pole meant to hold up the little overhang above the zippered door, one he had to take a portion apart to fix but still not enough to slow him down beyond where Sanji was, finishing first and smugly standing next to his tent as the other pinned down the last of the stakes. Nami immediately took to moving her things into the orange one, setting up a sleeping mat for herself and a dog bed for Chopper as Luffy and Usopp would be sharing the red one. The latter turned his attention back to the next task at hand. Carefully handing each man a hatchet from a meticulously packed toolkit, he made sure they went off in opposite directions so as to not be able to hurt one another with them. There were plenty of fallen trees around them, with large broken branches and dry logs to work with.

In the end Zoro was able to make a decent lean-to with a raised platform as a base, though it still looked a bit rough around the edges. Sanji's had a solid roof, but only dirt for the floor.

Sanji looked between them. “Could we swap the ones we sleep in? I didn't think about making a floor.”

His realization and hesitation was almost too good.

“Sucks to suck, dartbrow. Too late now.”

“I'll concede the win if you let me take yours.”

They both looked to Usopp, who was still grading their structures. “Sanji’s looks more durable… Certainly more leak proof. Had we come on a cold and rainy weekend he would be more likely to not die.”

“Fine,” Zoro said, hardly willing to give up a fair round but happy to know it meant another point in his favor. He tossed his bag and bedroll into the floorless shelter as Usopp went on.

“The next most important thing to secure for wilderness survival is drinkable water. Since there is none around here, I'll just be testing knowledge rather than application. What is the best source of clean water?”

“Fast running water is less likely to have bacteria, and best to skim the top few inches to avoid other debris it may carry.”

There he fucking went answering too fast for Zoro to even string a sentence together again. “So a river.”

“That’s what I just fucking said.”

The moment the glare became mutual, Usopp made quick work to get them moving again.

“Right! So your next priority is going to be collecting food. We're not actually hunting since that may be illegal in this area- but foraging should be just fine. Go forth,” he said, adding more dramatic flair than necessary with a wave of his arm, “and bring me three edible plants!”

Zoro started wandering into the trees opposite of Sanji, flipping Nami off as she warned him not to leave sight of the camp. It was only about five minutes before he heard the crunch of leaves behind him as he couched picking bright blue berries from a crawling vine.

“Are you a fucking idiot?” Sanji jumped toward him, knocking the berries from his hand and, if not for Zoro's good balance, nearly knocking him over too. “Don't eat shit if you don't know what it is!”

“I do know what it is,” Zoro snarled, picking them back up from the leaf litter.

“Really? What is that plant then?”

“Wild blueberry,” he said matter of factly.

“No, it's a Virginia creeper, you overgrown fucking weed, and those berries will kill you.”

Zoro made eye contact with him for the first time in this interaction, finding an infuriated face far too emotive for the situation at hand.  “Can you stop belittling me?”

“I’ll stop belittling you when you can actually prove you have a single brain cell to keep you from dying!”

Sanji turned and went the other way in a huff, though Zoro could feel his gaze never really left, probably thinking he’d eat the berries just to prove a point. He was tempted, but that outcome might actually make Sanji happy, and he couldn’t let him have that satisfaction.

By the time they met back to the clearing, Usopp had set out a few supplies for their challenges to come- all the unused wood from the structure building and some extra kindling they had gone ahead and collected in the meantime, primarily because Luffy couldn't sit idly while waiting for foraged snacks, plus some lengths of paracord and a first aid kit.

Ultimately, Zoro returned with three things, a good variety in his opinion: chestnuts, wild onion, and a very lucky-

“You found a maitake?” The blond's eyes lit up at the sight of the mushroom cluster. “Good eye, mossy. I must've missed that one.”

In turn he looked at what Sanji collected, now carried in a large plastic bowl taken from the cooking supplies he brought. At least six kinds of leaves, some roots, multiple berries, and nuts.

“You know you only needed three things, right? How the hell did you even find so much?”

Sanji's smile only got wider as he reached into his backpack for a small, well-worn book titled The Edible Wild, presenting it to Zoro's confused face.

“Isn’t that cheating?”

“I didn't have it with me, so no,” he said proudly. “I've had it since I was a kid, I practically have it memorized. Don't blame me for knowing my way around food.”

He supposed he couldn't. The obvious winner of the foraging challenge, Sanji took all the collected food and made a salad to pair with the foil dinners he'd prepared ahead of time, storing it away in the cooler for the time being, though the chestnuts had been quickly stolen by a grumbling and impatient Luffy. Obviously, before they could eat properly, they needed to build a fire.

“It's important to always make sure it's done safely with respect to the environment!”

Usopp made sure they both knew to create a stone circle to contain the flames, but aside from providing matches, the actual construction of the fire was left for them to figure out on their own.

Sanji was fast to build something that looked like a triangular log cabin a few inches high, one side open on the bottom aside from the thin strips of bark carved from one of the bigger sticks stuck inside. Another strip of bark was in his hand, the click of a lighter drawing attention back to him.

“No lighter,” Usopp chided as he stood over them.

“Yeah, cheater,” Zoro grumbled, trying to use this opportunity to get ahead.

“I'm being resourceful.”

“You use the same materials as Zoro!”

“Fine, fine.”

Even with his lighter taken away, Sanji had his fire up and running before Zoro could even get the damn kindling to catch.

After declaring Sanji the winner again, Usopp was extra critical of the unlit structure Zoro left behind- to an unreasonable degree- dismantling it and feeding into Sanji's neat construction, much to Zoro’s frustration.

While embers accumulated, they moved to the next test: knot tying.

This, Zoro was confident with. Knot tying is easy to replicate when you're shown the visual, but Usopp was giving the name of the knot and testing their actual knowledge of them- and knots were practical knowledge that he had. He spent a lot of his childhood outside, and maybe that did give him an unwarranted sense of security, but he knows his way around a length of rope. His confidence was only bolstered when they got past the common knots, and Sanji's look of confusion at the name of the sheepshank basically ensured his victory in the challenge no matter how petty it may sound.

///

“And so I took up the largest branch I could carry- I swear it was taller than I am even now!- and like a jouster I charged without fear- because bears can sense fear- and jabbed it right between the eyes!”

“Aren't you supposed to play dead around bears?” Zoro asked skeptically, paying more attention to his beer than anything else. They'd all settled down after their meal, well into the stash of alcohol as they sat around the equally well fed flames, sun long sunken beyond the trees.

“Only grizzlies, and there aren’t any in the state,” Sanji bumped him with his foot in support of the teller.

“Alright, smartass, How the hell do you know all this shit anyway?”

“I read a lot of books,” Sanji grinned, looking at him as if the answer was obvious. “You can learn a lot that way, you know.”

“I'm not sure Zoro knows how to read,” Nami joked from his other side, but the mosshead didn't seem to take too kindly to it as he pushed himself up off the ground with a huff and stalked off silently in the direction of his shelter.

Knowing he was just in one of his moods and would want to be left alone, the others left him to it, staying up for another few hours as the fire died down before finally putting it out and going to bed themselves.

Come morning, Luffy was the first to notice that Zoro's bedroll had never even been set out, bag untouched since originally putting it in the shelter. 

“Guys? Has anyone seen Zoro?”

“Oh no,” Usopp gasped, “do you think he got eaten by a bear?!”

“You of all people should know how ridiculous that sounds,” Nami scolded, though her voice shook slightly. “But he did probably wander off and there's no way he's finding his way back on his own.”

“Survivalist he claims to be, he should be fine,” Sanji remarked snidely, but the concerned looks he received from the others made his smile drop.

“He's not. He has no sense of direction at all . And with his luck, he could've wandered to the coast by now! He even left his goddamn phone!” She grumbled, holding the offending object in a death grip as if it were his neck.

“Then let's go look for him,” he decided simply, a satisfying crack sounding from his back as he stretched.

“Are you kidding? The leaves are going to make tracking impossible !” Usopp sounded on the verge of tears.

“I thought you knew the area?”

“Yeah but I'm not stupid enough to walk out of range of the clearing!”

“Well, have you forgotten our companion?” Sanji noted Chopper was dancing anxiously at Usopp’s feet. “I'm sure he's capable of tracking by scent.”

Despite Nami’s muttering of ‘ he's a service dog not a hunting one’ Sanji rummaged through Zoro's things, picking out the shirt he'd taken off the day before and offering it to the ready nose of the dog. After a moment and without too much instruction, he started sniffing in the opposite direction, the four trailing behind as he worked. Every once in a while Usopp toyed with something- whether it be cutting an arrow out of the bark of a tree or simply poking a stick upright in the dirt, he made it clear he was giving them a way to find the campsite again should all else fail.

///

Zoro's eyes opened to bright sunlight streaming in through the leaves, his back sore from the bark of the tree he'd decided to sleep against, hearing the distant barking and flurry of footsteps headed in his direction.

Before he could get up, Chopper landed on him with his full weight, immediately jumping back off and knocking him back into the tree.

“Stupid Marimo, you've got Nami worried sick,” Sanji chastised, kicking him in the side the moment he got within range to do so.

“I'm fine,” Zoro mumbled in response, still not ready to let go of the sleep despite everything.

“You walked five fucking miles!” Nami screamed as she caught up. “How could you think that was a good idea?!”

Zoro pondered for a moment. “I thought I'd turned back around?”

Nami provided her own kick to his ribs, this one not holding much back and making him grip his side.

“Get on your feet. We're going home.”

“So which of us won?”

She glared daggers into him. 

“Clearly not you .”

Chapter Text

Packing into Usopp's truck somehow felt more uncomfortable and claustrophobic than the way down. Luffy was driving this time since Usopp was still a bit hungover and overly stressed from the events of the morning, and they both sat up front with Chopper, Nami having to sit between Zoro and Sanji in the back to make sure there was no physical altercation.

But that didn't mean they wouldn't keep arguing.

“You owe me for swapping shelters.”

“ Owe you? You didn't even sleep in either one! If anything you owe Nami for the stress on her poor heart for disappearing like that-”

“I was fine.”

“You were lucky that we found you.”

“With the dog I had to take responsibility for because you dumped him on me.”

“Are you kidding me? With how much I've done for you-”

“Oh, like I've ever asked you for anything you fucking prick-”

“GUYS!” Nami shouted, clearly so pissed with everything that's been going on, arms folded tight across her torso. “You're both being complete asses! Is it impossible for you to hold a civil discussion?!”

Zoro caught Luffy's eyes in the rear view mirror giving a mischievous glint.

“I have a way to resolve this,” he said with a smile entirely too cheery for the atmosphere. “Usopp, reroute the GPS to Koby’s place.”

///

“What's all this about?”

Koby’s roommate Helmeppo stood hesitantly at the base of the stairs, clearly on his way to the kitchen but reluctant to cross the sights of the unexpected guests now crowding their little living room.

“We're doing an allocation,” Luffy answered, only to be quickly corrected by Koby.

“ Arbitration. Mock arbitration. To resolve an argument.”

Helmeppo nodded slowly, shortly making eye contact with the very visibly aggravated Zoro.

“I'm not getting involved in that,” he said as he ducked into the kitchen quickly, and Zoro chuffed at his apparent fear. If only Sanji reacted to Zoro's dislike of him the same way.

His life would be so much easier.

“We'll use this whiteboard to decide the value of each debt you have to one another,” Nami announced, balancing the board in question on the tv stand.

Luffy had directed them to sit in two metal folding chairs he'd pulled out, both facing away from the board and toward the coffee table and couch where the other three guys were now seated. 

“So, let's start from the beginning,” Koby said. “What is the first, I guess, debt that one of you incurred?”

“First time we met he physically assaulted me.”

“In self defense,” Sanji put up his hands in acknowledgment.

“But I was the only one who bled.”

“And then I had to pay for your dinner.”

“And what was the total?” Nami asked, uncapping the marker.

“I- eh…” Sanji stuttered. “I mean it just came out of my paycheck, I don't remember the exact amount. Few hundred?”

“But did it really have any lasting effect on you?”

“I can’t just throw around that amount of money like you can, Marimo, I still have to work for a living. Plus, it caused me and Zeff to get into an argument and I got stuck on dish duty for it.”

“A bloody nose also isn't too lasting,” Usopp chimed in. “And it wasn't broken, we didn't have to go to the ER.”

“It seems that Sanji suffered damage to his reputation, if it affected his relationship with his boss,” Koby thought out loud, "on top of monetary damages.”

Nami uncapped the marker and wrote ‘reputation’ on Zoro's column. “So that's one debt for Zoro. Next?”

“If reputation damage is something to go by, what about you making a fool of me at Cross Guild?”

“I just gave you a fight that you asked for,” Sanji shrugged. “And won. So why would I owe you anything?”

“Cause Perona still hasn't let that go ,” he replied.

“That's not my fault.”

“And the whole thing was your idea,” Usopp leveled.

“Why are you defending him?”

Koby had his face pressed on folded hands, elbows on the table to stay propped up. He already looked exhausted. “A judge would throw that away in court,” he decided. “So I'll deny the admittance.”

Zoro groaned at how seriously Koby was taking this.

“I had to deal with your lousy ass at the bar that time.”

“If I recall, you prevented me from getting a girl's number. You didn't have to make me your problem and yet you became mine,” he replied with an aggravatingly lilted tone as if to appear completely innocent.

“You made yourself my problem by disappearing without telling anyone. And that's not what I was-”

“Thats fucking rich-” Sanji cut in without listening to the latter part, but somebody had.

“Wait, if it wasn't that, then what are you talking about?” Luffy questioned.

Right. Zoro never talked about this. He had refused to talk to Luffy after the Cross Guild incident too, because who the fuck wants to talk to their best friend about something so embarrassing? To relive a feeling that made him feel so claustrophobic and heated, invaded by thoughts that made him want to rip out of his own skin?

“You're just fucking weird when you're drunk,” he settled on, not wanting to get too specific. Though he should, he should air out everything Sanji doesn’t remember and embarrass him in front of all their friends, but that might lead to airing out his own internal monologue and he was not about to do that today. “Since I have a high tolerance to alcohol there’s not enough booze in the world that would benefit me to forget that.”

He couldn't say much more, it was awkward enough as is with everyone looking at him curiously- it would only get worse if he tried explaining.

“Well, being weird is an expected behavior for most drunk people,” Usopp broke the uncomfortable silence. “And you cockblocked him which… isn't cool?”

“That's definitely something to consider owing for,” Luffy nodded.

“Quit defending him!”

‘Cockblocked’

There were now two on Zoro's side and none on Sanji's. Could he ever win anything ?

“Oh, and I'm the one who found Chopper.”

“I wasn't looking for a dog.”

Sanji raised his brow, “but he benefits you, doesn't he?”

As if on cue, or moreso a reaction to Zoro tensing, Chopper reached out a paw to press on his chest, looking at him with those wide eyes as if in warning. 

Zoro huffed. “Luffy's the one who decided to bring him home.”

“But it wouldn't have happened without me.”

“I didn't sign up for that kind of burden.”

“Chopper isn't a burden,” Luffy said with a frown.

“Who’s the one who takes care of him most of the time?”

“Cause you don’t have a job so of course you’re gonna spend time with him while I'm working.”

Nami rolled her eyes and wrote ‘Chopper’ as the first point on Sanji's side, making it two-to-one. 

Zoro felt empowered by that decision. “I had to give up my shelter so your prissy ass didn't have to sleep on the ground cause you were too stupid to make it right-”

Sanji looked genuinely offended. “You should owe me for making me go on that camping trip let alone-”

“You accepted the challenge, dickface-”

“ Let alone having to find you when you wandered off-”

“ Chopper found me-”

“Because I had the idea to use him to track you. He wouldn't have gone looking by his own volition. And you made your friends worry about you for nothing.”

“You’re the one who pissed me off enough to make me have to walk away.”

“From the entire campsite?! Completely out of range to see the fire, you idiot!”

All other occupants of the room sat wide eyed as the argument intensified, anticipation building for it to get physical as the two were now on the edge of their seats toward each other. Nami had her hands splayed ready to jump between them.

“ Whatever . What about that centipede I had to take off your bag?” He proposed indignantly.

“The centipede fucking nothing compared to making your friends worry about whether or not they're gonna see you again! You made them genuinely fear for the worst because you like to run away from any minor inconvenience!”

Sanji's eye twitched as he kept his jaw set, and if Zoro didn't know any better he'd say his eyes were looking misty.

“I do not run from inconvenience. I separate myself to keep a level head. Something you obviously don't know how to do.”

Sanji huffed as he stood abruptly, grabbing his coat off the back of the chair he had been sitting in. “Fine. I’ll fuck off then.”  He shrugged on his coat and added to Usopp, “I'll get my stuff next time I see you,” before heading to the door.

“Wait- do you want a ride?”

“I'll take the bus.”

When the front door slammed shut the room was silent again, as if all the air had been taken out with Sanji leaving no way for sound to travel.

That was until Helmeppo dared to reappear in the kitchen doorway.

“What the hell was that about?”

///

Sanji was getting tired of Zoro and his brainless, pretentious attitude acting like he's never done anything wrong in his life. It seemed like he didn't comprehend a single emotion except anger, and even Zeff showed a wider range of emotional intelligence despite being a grouchy geezer most of the time. Would it kill him to just think of another person for once? The blessing of being an only child with both parents and a trust fund, never knowing the value of money and seemingly never facing consequences from his parents, able to do whatever he wanted and not care of the repercussions, to not live in fear of a subconscious shadow haunting him, dangling the worst case scenario over his head with every movement-

He shook the thought from his head. What he hated most was that he felt downright envious of the bastard. 

He burned through two cigarettes on the way to the bus stop, and another the moment he got off a few blocks from Baratie. He'd taken off the whole weekend since the original plan was to come back early the next morning, and he hadn't told anyone about the trip being cut short. He was too embarrassed to be seen, getting off before the closer stop and taking the back alley to the stairwell that led him home.

The apartment was quiet. Of course Zeff was busy working downstairs, but Sanji dreaded the time for the shift to end when he'd be questioned on why plans changed. Sitting around and doing nothing would just bury him in his own self loathing, so he decided to go out and waste time any way he could, come back in the morning and pretend he was never there. It’d be a while still until the bars opened, but he figured he could find something to keep his mind occupied until then.