Archive of Our Own ^beta

All she remembers from when she fell in the water was cold, ice cold surrounding her body. Her lungs freezing in her chest, her heart icing over, and her limbs stiffening to blocks of ice that were dragging her to the bottom of the bay. Everything was cold. Then her eyelids shut and with a final burst of energy before succumbing to the freezing cold she felt warm. Her fingertips sparking with electricity as a cup of juju was passed to her, her cheeks red hot with desire when she saw those emerald eyes gaze at her over her reading glasses, and her heart radiating nothing but warmth every time she saw that soft smile she couldn’t help but love. A vignette of little moments that meant so much to her playing behind her eyelids as she passed out.

Pain. Debilitating pain ripped the redhead’s heart to shreds as she saw the blonde who had unexpectedly become so important to her laying on a gurney in a trauma room. Her already pale skin a sickly blue, her lips chapped and gray, all the life drained out of her as a tube breathed for her. Stomach acid ripping her guts apart as she violently vomited in a trash can. All these snippets of moments that once seemed so insignificant flashing through her head on a loop as big, fat tears spilled down her cheeks. Their eyes meeting at prom, the sounds of high heels clicking rapidly on the linoleum floor as she chased after her husband as he chased after the wrong woman, the honesty in the blonde’s eyes as she assured that redhead that she turned him down, the velvet soft feeling of the blonde’s lips against hers after she caught her crying in a supply closet, the adorable nose scrunch of a high on morphine Meredith Grey. When had she fallen in love with the very same intern as her husband? She knew it should feel wrong, but it felt so right and all she could hope is that they weren’t over before they even had a chance to begin.

Suddenly opening her eyes seemed like a chore, she was so tired and her entire body felt like dead weight, but she couldn’t ignore that voice. She couldn’t ignore the woman who was pleading with her to please open her eyes, to please say something, to please just give her any sign that she was okay. Reaching a hand out, a sense of warmth washed over her as the redhead grasped their hands together squeezing softly.

“Meredith, honey?” Addison’s voice was hopeful and pleading, a bit of fear mixed in. “You can hear me?” She gasped as the blonde slowly opened her eyes.

“I love you.” Meredith rasped in a whisper. “I’m in love with you and I can’t hide anymore. I don’t want to hide it anymore. I’m tired of suppressing how I feel about you because of things that happened in the past that have nothing to do with you. I’m done letting my past dictate my future.” Addison stared at her, her mouth parted as tears sparkled in her green eyes, soon cascading down her cheeks. “Addie, don’t cry. I hate when you cry.” Meredith lifted a shaky arm up to wipe the redhead’s tears.

“I love you too Mer.” Addison smiled. “I didn’t realize it until I thought I lost you, but I do. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

“You weren’t going to lose me. I just needed some time to recharge.” Meredith assured her, running her thumb along her cheek bone. “I thought of you, right before I passed out. You were the last thing I pictured and despite the freezing cold stabbing me all over, I felt warm. That’s when I knew that there was no more hiding, no more running. Just the thought of you made me feel warm and I was going to fight to get back to you if it was the last thing I did.”

“Can I kiss you?” Addison whispered, her gaze locked on those pouty lips, soft as velvet.

“You better, I can’t sit up.” Meredith giggled. Addison smiled as she leaned down, their lips connecting in a sweet kiss. The moment their lips met, it felt like two puzzle pieces clicking together, like they were always meant to kiss one another, always meant to love each other. Meredith gently intertwined their fingers, her eyes twinkling when Addison pulled away a few moments later. “What does this mean?”

“This means that I’m staying with you tonight and we will talk about everything else once you’re better.” Addison kissed her forehead. “All I know for sure is that I love you and that I am so fucking happy that you’re not dead.”

“Me too.” Meredith smiled as she gently scooted over in the hospital bed. “Lay with me?”

“For as long as you want.” Addison beamed as she kicked her shoes off, carefully climbing into the bed next to Meredith and loosing wrapping her arms around her.

“And if I want you to lay with me for the rest of my life?” Meredith teased.

“Then I believe that could be arranged.” Addison chuckled and pecked Meredith’s lips. “Now, rest honey. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you.” Meredith snuggled against Addison, soaking up her warmth. “Thank you for staying.” She yawned, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Thank you for living.” Addison kissed her forehead, carding a hand through her hair as the blonde drifted to sleep. As she took in Meredith’s peaceful, serene expression she felt the shreds of her heart stitch themselves back together, finding herself feeling more whole than she could ever remember before. She kissed her forehead once more, her lips lingering a long moment before she let her own eyes drift closed, whispering a soft “I love you.” In the blonde’s ear before finally giving into her own exhaustion, falling asleep with Meredith safe in her arms.