Chapter Text

Captain Kathryn Janeway’s head and body throbbed unrelentingly. She did not understand why as her memories were hazy at that moment. With great effort, she slowly opened her eyes, being met with mass chaos around her. She noted blinking displays, and kalaxons blaring, but had no recollection of where she was, or how she had ended up in this situation. With a deep groan, the redhead looked to her left, and saw her ex-Astrometrics officer slumped onto the controls of what appeared to be a badly damaged shuttlecraft. Seven. Panic arose within the Captain immediately; flashes of memories coming back to her all at once.

“Seven”, Janeway husked, while attempting to stand from her seat unsuccessfully. Looking down, she noted a large gash in her side that definitely required medical attention. That would have to wait. She needed to get to Seven.

Summoning every ounce of willpower she had within her small frame, she cautiously rose from her seat, taking the few steps toward the blonde as quickly as she could; which to her did not feel quick enough. Time moved so slowly in those moments. She was filled with so much fear that the young woman had perished in the crash. 

“Seven”, the captain called once more, checking her for a pulse and breath signs. They were there. Barely . Grabbing a medical tricorder, she began to scan the younger woman to see how bad the damage was. She noted some internal bleeding, several broken ribs, one punctured lung, and a rather large contusion on her face along with a concussion. 

The older redhead leaned Seven back into the chair that the blonde once sat in, and began working on healing some of her more pressing injuries, completely ignoring her own for the time being. Kathryn had years of experience at denying her own needs to focus on others, she needed to save Seven. She couldn’t let her die. Not when she was so close.

“Come on, Seven. You have to pull through this”, the redhead pleaded, picking up speed as she noticed Seven’s bio signs begin to become more erratic. She started to feel a wave of panic slip through her command mask. This was no ordinary member of her crew. It was Seven. She sent up a silent prayer to a higher power that she didn’t necessarily believe in.

Kathryn noticed Seven’s eyes slightly opening, and immediately began tapping the younger woman’s cheek to try to get her attention. Momentarily she was filled with hope that she would be able to get them out of this mess. If only I had acted sooner this wouldn’t have happened , she thought to herself.

“Stay with me Seven! I need you to wake up”, she demanded, panic evident in her voice.

The tricorder began beeping loudly. Kathryn took her eyes away from the blonde to check the readings for only a moment, and when she glanced back up, she watched as Seven’s eyes rolled into the back of her head before she lost consciousness once again.

“Seven!” Kathryn yelled almost in a primal way, shaking the blonde, now fully immersed in panic. She begged her over and over to wake up to no avail.

6 MONTHS EARLIER:

Kathryn stood in her kitchen still in shock at coming home and finding the note and jacket that had been left for her. She took another quick inhale of the leather jacket that she had loved so much over the decades of knowing the Ranger. She was overwhelmed by the scent of the older blonde that she had fallen in love with so long ago. A single tear slid down her face knowing that this would be the last she would see or hear from the woman. She promised the empty room that she wouldn’t make her wait so long in this timeline, but inside her heart was absolutely shattered knowing that she would no longer be surprised by the woman that she had originally fallen for.

Sighing heavily as she pulled her face away from the jacket, she decided to drape it over her shoulders to feel closer to the blonde. Carefully, she picked up the mug of coffee that was left for her, and took a generous sip, closing her eyes, thoughts a million lightyears away. She knew that she would need to take action, but she decided that she would give herself time and space to mourn the loss, and fully accept that she would never see her again. But I will , she reminded herself. A young Seven of Nine was on Earth. While the younger ex-drone may not have all of the traits of the woman that she fell in love with fully, Kathryn knew that one day she would. Bearing witness to such a change would be an incredible gift that the redhead did not want to miss out on. She would go looking for Seven. Eventually. But at least for this evening, she would lay in bed and cry wrapped in a worn brown leather jacket. 

Heading upstairs to her bedroom, she couldn’t help but to wonder what the older Seven was doing, wherever she was at that moment. She hoped that the older blonde had found happiness with Kathryn’s future self. Seven deserves to be happy , she thought, taking the stairs a little slower than she normally would have, pained by the thought of another woman’s hands on Seven’s body… Even if it was her own from a future she was not privy to yet. 

Settling into her bed, she readjusted the leather jacket carefully while deep in thought. If Seven came back and left her that note, did that mean that her future self accepted Seven? She pulled the handwritten note out of the jacket pocket to further analyze it. “Your turn. Don’t let her get away.   -S “. Kathryn’s deep dive was confusing her further. “Don't let her get away”. Did that mean in the future that Seven would get away from her? Was this a warning that if she did not act quickly enough that she would lose her forever? She felt pure panic grip at her heart for a moment as she let the negative thoughts win momentarily. 

She shook her head to clear her mind. Seven had come back. Her note said not to let her get away. She was being ridiculous for diving off the deep end and allowing herself to spiral. Plus she left her jacket. Kathryn felt that it was almost a way to convey that the blonde was leaving her old life behind and was trying something new, while reminding her that she was…loved? She much preferred this angle, and decided that in her mind that is exactly the motivation behind the gift and note.

Taking another inhale of the smell of the leather, she became overcome with emotion once again. She chastised herself for a moment for being so childish. She had spent only fleeting moments with the woman since she had met her 17 years prior. She had significantly spent more time fantasizing and dreaming of the woman than actually being with her. Still, she could not deny how much the woman had impacted her life despite only being in her presence for at most, a week total over the span of 17 years. Seven had been her main motivation for carrying on most days, especially while she was lost in the Delta Quadrant. The loss felt massive to her at that moment, almost as if a vital piece of her was lost forever.

Kathryn rolled onto her side, throwing an arm and leg over a body pillow to pretend she was spooning a certain someone. It was a shameful habit she had picked up after they spent the night together, and Seven had left the following morning. They had only slept together the one time, but ever since, she had a hard time sleeping alone without something to grab on to.

Her mind wandered to the young woman that she severed from the Collective 3 years prior. She noticed an incredible amount of growth within such a short period of time. She still had trouble consolidating the two women. This timeline’s Seven had definitely exceeded her expectations, and challenged some of her own core beliefs, propelling her to take a look inward and challenge her own ideals at times. She had spent a significant amount of time with her over the last 3 years, and had noticed not just growth within the blonde, but herself as well. Seven of Nine had a habit of reminding her about the morality of her decisions in a way no one else could. In general, the time that she had spent with the younger woman had made her a better person and she was grateful for her.

Kathryn felt the familiar pull into darkness she had experienced so many times, most recently when they were in the void in the Delta Quadrant. She knew that she would have to fight that darkness quickly before it festered within her. She had decided that she would send a message to Seven to check in, and arrange a meeting. She was not left instructions with the note, so decided a cautious approach would be best to start. Just before drifting into a deep sleep, she promised once again that she would take matters into her own hands and not wait for Seven to one day appear.

Chapter Text

Captain Kathryn Janeway awoke with a start. The nightmares that had plagued her had indeed followed her home from the Delta Quadrant. Sitting up, she pushed sweat-soaked hair out of her face, and realized that she was still wrapped in Seven’s jacket. She did not intend to fall asleep with it on. She wanted to try to preserve that familiar smell as much, and for as long as possible. She slowly hugged herself for a brief moment, and stood on shaky legs, heart still going at warp speed in her chest. Gently, and with much emotional difficulty, she took off the jacket, and placed it in her drawer for safe keeping for the time being. 

Making her way cautiously into her decently sized bathroom en suite, she stripped down into nothing, and took a long cold shower to try to shock her back into the present. After a few minutes of freezing cold water running down her body, she started to regain her senses. She was not in the Delta Quadrant anymore. She had made it home with her crew. They were safe. She slowly turned the temperature back up to an acceptable level, and cleaned her hair and body. She took her time relishing in the sensations of the warm water now that her mind was back in the present. She found her mind going back to the older blonde who had left her the message. Shutting off the water, she decided that she would need to be delicate, but she would try to reach out to her younger ex-Astrometrics officer after she finished her morning routine.

As per Starfleet higher-ups, she was on vacation; how long was yet to be determined, but she was secretly grateful that she was not immediately given another commission. She knew that readjusting to being planet side would take time. They were not particularly pleased with all of the decisions she had made while in the Delta Quadrant, and had also made sure to inform her that she would require a counsellor to sign off prior to her return to duty. If she was being entirely honest with herself, she did not even know if she wanted to return to duty, much less subject herself to countless hours of therapy to prove that she was fit to Captain another ship.

Kathryn dried herself off quickly, then made her way over to her dresser to find clothing for her day. She had almost exclusively worn a Starfleet uniform for seven years. Looking at all of her options was almost overwhelming. She settled for a pair of blue jeans, a black tank top, and a red flannel. This will take some getting used to , she thought to herself. She felt mildly uncomfortable being dressed down for the day, despite being grateful that her clothing choice was not as itchy as her command uniform. Absent-mindedly, she reached on her bedside table for her pips, before realizing that she did not need them. Habits were hard to break, but she felt relief that the weight of those pips were not going to be dragging her down for a while.

She made her way down to the kitchen, and began to brew her coffee. While she felt the pull for immediate satisfaction, a replicator just couldn’t quite match the real deal, so she opted to wait. She let her mind wander once again. Tapping her fingers on the counter, she wondered how her crew were acclimating to life back on Earth. Everyone had their own debriefings, but they had mostly taken off after the first three weeks. Hers was exceptionally longer due to her rank, and questions about almost all of her decisions. She couldn’t help but to feel mildly hurt that not one crew member had checked in with her since they left headquarters. She logically knew that her crew had lives of their own, families and friends to catch up with, but she also felt that due to what they had gone through as a collective, that they might have kept their family dynamics to some degree. 

As the coffee sputtered signaling it was ready, she grabbed her favourite mug from the cupboard; the one that had seen her through her time on Voyager. After seven long years being lost in space, her townhouse no longer felt like home to her, she realized. Voyager she had been told would be turned into a museum, and it made her heart ache for what had felt like home for so long. Letting out a heavy sigh, she poured herself a cup of coffee, and immediately took a large sip. Heaven . Despite playing with the settings on her Voyager replicator multiple times, it was never hot enough for her tastes. 

Silently, she made her way to her study, and opened her table top monitor, hoping to see a message from any of her old crew. There were no new messages for her. She took a brief moment to think how she should suggest a meeting with Seven. She knew that she needed to be somewhat diplomatic in her approach. She did not want to frighten the young woman, or pressure her into something that she may not be ready for. Slow and steady , she thought. No sudden movements .

She quickly ran her fingers through her hair, and straightened her collar, before taking a final deep breath and attempting to call Seven. Her heart deflated when there was no answer. She left a video message for the young woman trying to hide her disappointment to the best of her ability.

“Hello Seven. I am sorry that I have not been in touch sooner… I was just released officially from my debriefing yesterday. I was hoping that we could meet up for a game of velocity, or a discussion soon. I would like to know how you are acclimating”.

She hesitated for a moment.

“Let me know when would be best for you, and I will make sure that I am available”.

She closed the channel, and once again sighed. She missed the younger woman more than she had realized. She couldn’t help but to admit that when she had found out that Seven and Chakotay had begun dating, she had begun to spiral out of control. It was only natural that the young woman would want to date, and she had not exactly presented herself as an option while they were on Voyager for obvious reasons. She was the Commanding Officer; she could not engage with a member of her crew; Starfleet or not. However, that sense of duty was obviously lost on her second in command. She scoffed aloud.

When she became aware of the situation, she had to remind herself that it would not last. The Seven that used to visit her was not with Chakotay in her timeline… well at least, she didn’t think she was anyway. The older Seven was rather loose with the details of the future, so she supposed that it was in fact possible that they were together. That thought brought a crippling wave of nausea. She had to stop thinking about this before she began to spiral again. She was sure that Seven was just busy, and that she would hear back from the woman later in the day.

Unsure what to do with her newfound freedom, she decided to grab a book from one of the shelves, and settle on the sofa in the room to distract herself. Opening the book, she had realized that she had made a critical error. She had accidentally grabbed her copy of The Price of Salt- Patricia Highsmith. She groaned loudly to herself. A little on the nose Katie , she thought. She took another large gulp of coffee, and decided to throw caution to the wind and read the book anyway, blaming fate for the indiscretion. Perhaps it will remind me to not chicken out .

Kathryn groaned standing from the couch she had been seated on for the last seven hours. Once she began reading the novel, she could not put it down. She spent the whole novel placing herself in Carol’s shoes, and could only hope that she too would have a happy ending at the end of her story. Her back and legs had stiffened considerably in the time she had been swept away. She decided to check her desk top monitor to see if Seven had replied to her request for a meeting, but upon not seeing one, she quickly moved to put on her shoes. Despite the stiffness, she needed to get out. She knew that if she stayed in, that she would begin to spiral further, and that was not something that she could afford at that moment in case her ex-Astrometrics officer did reach out to her. She needed to remain in control. 

For the first time since being home, she took a very long walk. She was in decent shape still from her games of Velocity with Seven, and all of the battles she had encountered with hostile species, but when she came back into her awareness, she was impressed with how far she had made it. She supposed it made sense, she had been trapped in thoughts despite the exertion. 

She thought back to the young blonde, wondering why she had not received a response before she decided to go for her walk. She had no idea what her life looked like now that she was not on Voyager she realized. Seven was always over-working, maybe that had changed. Maybe Chakotay had shown her what life could really be like. Janeway immediately had a vision of Chakotay touching Seven, and was filled with inexplicable rage, her eyes now brimming with tears. She took off running at a breakneck speed back toward her townhouse fully aware that she was not in attire that was conducive for optimal performance. With every step, she became a little more frantic to escape the intrusive images.

Horribly out of breath Janeway ran up the steps to her townhouse, darting toward her study. With shaking hands, she checked her messages saying a silent prayer that she had one from the blonde who was haunting her, but to her dismay there was nothing. She quickly wiped her sweaty brow with the back of her hand and let out a frustrated groan. Distressed to find that her thoughts were doing a deep dive even further, she decided to open the drawer of her desk to find the full bottle of Irish whiskey she had stored away for emergencies. Walking toward the bathroom to take yet another shower that day, she took a large swig of the liquid relishing in the warm burn left in its wake. Her shower was another long one, delayed mainly to continue drinking at a rapid speed. She knew this would not be a pretty evening, but she needed the fog of the alcohol to save her for the night.

Chapter Text

Kathryn was aware of the pulsing headache before she even had an opportunity to open her eyes. She silently cursed herself for overindulging the night prior; there had been a moment when she had thought that she should stop, but remembered that she had doubled down her efforts instead of moving forward with wisdom. Keeping her eyes closed, she felt for the drawer of her bedside table, and grabbing the hypospray she kept hidden in there. Quickly, she pressed it to her neck, and felt the familiar hiss. She slowly opened her eyes once again cursing herself as the hypospray only took the edge off the pounding migraine. 

Taking stock of her surroundings, she tried to piece together what she had gotten up to the night previous. There was an empty whiskey bottle in her bed, and one on the floor. She groaned aloud. Looking down at herself, she noticed that she had once again slept in the leather jacket. She had no recollection of when she had thrown that on, and took a few moments before moving to put it back in her dresser for safe keeping. 

Without much thought, she went through the motions of her morning routine, trying desperately to not allow herself to get too emotional again. She could not afford another day like she had yesterday. Coffee in hand, she returned to her study, and checked for messages. There still was a flashing 0 new messages staring back at her when she had noticed the time. It was already 1400 hours. Much later in the day than she had been anticipating. Was Seven upset with her? She searched her mind trying to formulate a theory on why the younger blonde had not returned her message before thinking back to Chakotay. Slamming the desk top monitor closed, she decided that she needed to get out of the house to get her mind away from the blonde.

She quickly packed a bag, and headed for the nearest transporter pad. Taking a deep breath, she walked through, and instantly found herself back home. Not the townhouse, but her childhood town. Bloomington Indiana. She hailed a taxi, giving the address to her mother’s farm. She did not send word ahead that she would be coming. She never did; she knew she didn’t need to. Her mother had always ensured that Kathryn and Phoebe always knew that they could come home whenever the need arose, and she knew that if there was ever a need, it was now. Her family had a way of giving her perspective that she would never ask for; but it was always given. She did not wish to discuss her complicated love life, but knew that they would probably pry anyway.

After a while, she saw the familiar fields and barn come into view. She grew rather antsy as the blue sided farmhouse grew closer. Her heart swelled for a few moments. It was exactly as she had remembered. The white wrap around porch, the large pond in the back that was visible from the driveway. The willow tree she used to escape reality; hiding away in her youth. Calm instantly settled within her spirit, and for a moment, she knew that everything would be alright.

Walking up the steps of the porch, she felt lighter with each step. She had spoken with her mother and sister frequently since her return promising that she would go for a visit as soon as the debriefings wrapped up. She had told her mother that they were close, but she realized she had not informed her when they concluded. Opening the front door, and letting herself in, she called for her mother loudly. “Ma!”.

Gretchen Janeway appeared smiling, peeking her head out of a doorway to the left; the kitchen. She appeared to be covered in flour and Kathryn smiled at the sight. She instantly dropped her bag, and ran to her mother wrapping her in a giant hug. “I missed you, Ma”, planting  a kiss on the older woman’s cheek.

“I wondered when you would be coming”, the older Janeway chuckled. “Owen told me you finished your debriefings the other day. I thought you would be here sooner”.

Kathryn felt red creeping from her neck to her cheeks. “Sorry, I was mildly… distracted”.

“Mmm. I see”, the older woman replied, eyeing her daughter. “Looks like you found yourself in the bottom of a bottle this morning”, worry seeping into her tone.

“Ma, it's been a day. Can we drop it for now?” the redhead begged.

“Sure… I have brownies cooling on the counter”, the older woman said, with a glimmer in her eye. “Just made a fresh pot of coffee too. Come tell me what has been troubling you”.

“You know me too well”.

Halfway through filling in her mother about the debriefings; well the parts that weren’t classified anyway, Phoebe appeared in the kitchen. Kathryn did not hear her enter until there was a very loud shriek behind her. 

“Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway… get over here and give me a hug”, the younger dark haired woman demanded. 

With a lopsided smile, Kathryn gave her sister a bone crushing hug. “It’s so good to see you, Phoebs”.

The younger woman laughed. “Yeah, you too, but God, you smell like a whiskey barrel… get away from me”, she joked, plugging her nose.

The redhead rolled her eyes. “I swear, I showered and brushed my teeth before I came. Gods, Phoebs, usually you only have a super sense of smell when you’re pregnant!”

The younger woman smiled brightly. “Well….”

“No! Seriously? I thought that Yianem didn’t want anymore?” Kathryn blurted in surprise. 

“Yes, but she agreed since she carried the first two. I wanted to experience pregnancy once”, the raven haired woman replied smiling.

“What happened to having zero desire to put your body through all of that ?” she asked suspiciously. 

“I changed my mind… I am not getting any younger you know”, Phoebe replied, laughing loudly. “You should know about that anyway”, obviously looking over the fine lines that had appeared on Kathryn’s face.

“Stop”, Kathryn replied, swatting her sister’s arm. “Do you have time to sit with us?” she asked, eyeing Phoebe who was covered in paint. “I would hate to interrupt your hyper-focus”.

“I can spare a little time… I do need to get back to it after dinner though”, her sister replied. “Exhibit is coming up a little too quickly for my liking”, she said, taking a seat at the table.

Filling in her mother and sister on the rest of the debriefings didn’t take too much time. She had given subtle hints through their conversations, but the two women looked shocked when she reported that she was officially on an extended vacation, and would need to pass a psych evaluation to return to duty. They were even more surprised to hear Kathryn’s hesitation on going back at all.

“Is this why you came here, more hungover than I have ever seen you?” the eldest Janeway inquired.

“Not really…” Kathryn replied, letting out a long breath. “There is something I didn’t tell you about. I don’t know that I can… or even if I should” she confessed, biting her lower lip. Sure, Starfleet had known about the older Seven all of those years ago, but she sure did not include her visits on Voyager in her reports and logs. She was positive that if she had, they would have taken more interest in the young Astrometrics officer, and she did not want Seven to have any further difficulties than she already had, or to tip her off about her future visits.

“Well now you have to tell us”, Phoebe prodded, eyeing her older sister suspiciously. “You’re in love… I know that much just by looking at you. I haven’t seen you like this since you were a Lieutenant”, she recollected.

Kathryn lifted an eyebrow. She never divulged any details to her family about the older blonde’s visits to her, and did not realize that she was so transparent to her family. She was under the impression that for the last seventeen years they had just assumed that she was choosing to put her career over her love life in terms of priorities. She had to admit that she was rather smitten with the blonde, and that if anyone would have caught on, it would be her family.

“You aren’t very discreet”, the younger Janeway replied to the silent shock displayed on the redhead’s face. “Come for a walk and at least tell me”.

Kathryn hesitated for a long moment. Her mother stood, clearing the table, and said “Katie… you need to let someone in. You can’t be self-sufficient every moment of your life. Go let your sister in”.

With a small huff the redhead stood from the table. “Fine”.

The two sisters walked for a long time. Kathryn knew that her mood had turned rather dark, and that her younger sister would pick up on it. No one knew how to read her like her sister. She was mildly surprised that they had made it to the outskirts of the farm, and Phoebe still had made no move to push her to speak. 

“You can’t tell anyone Phoebe… I am sure this would be classified if Starfleet knew”, Kathryn confessed, with a command mask on relaying how serious she was.

“Of course, Katie… I would never say anything!”

Kathryn started at the beginning, telling her about finding the unconscious Seven on the Cardassian border. She told her about Q Junior. She told her about all of the times she felt like she was drowning, and how when she didn’t think she could carry on, that the blonde would appear. She told her about Seven of Nine coming on board and how shocked she was that the woman in this timeline was much younger than her. She told her about coming home the other day and finding the note and the jacket; finally allowing tears to fall. She confessed that she was unsure how to get a hold of the younger woman to fulfil her promise. How she was worried that she was too late and would lose her forever.

Phoebe had walked silently the whole time, allowing Kathryn to spill more details than she had probably intended to. After seventeen years, she had to admit that it felt good to let someone in on the biggest secret of her life. When Kathryn stopped walking, allowing the tears to spill over, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her younger sister remained quiet for a while longer, allowing her to express emotions that were still very painful, while showing her silent support.

“Katie… I had no idea”, the younger woman said, voice filled with compassion. “So you left her one message, didn’t hear back, then decided that all was lost?”

Kathryn snapped her eyes up to her sister’s. “If she wanted me around, she would have responded” she said, voice filled with conviction.

“Katie. Seriously? The poor girl has only known Voyager since being severed… sure, there is Chakotay, but you kind of ghosted her first”.

Rage bubbled over at her sister’s words. “Ghosted her? I was in debriefings for three months Phoebe… it’s not like she reached out to me either!”

Phoebe tsked at her older sister. “Tell me you aren’t actually this dumb. You told her that you would bring her to the farm… she cares for you. Did you, or did you not call me and ma over the last three months? Could you not have spared a few moments to contact Seven? The girl knew nothing beyond Voyager, and you completely disappeared!”

Kathryn visibly deflated realizing she had in fact made a critical error. She definitely should have reached out to the younger woman sooner. There was no denying that. She had been in contact with her family, so why could she have not reached out to Seven? She let out a large breath, and realized it was because she knew Seven would be with Chakotay. She did not want to face the happy couple any more than she had while on board. She had ran away.

“You’re right. But how do I fix this?” Kathryn thought aloud.

“You keep trying… you fight for your girl”, the younger woman replied, with a smirk.

When the sisters arrived back at the farmhouse, they shared a meal. Kathryn didn’t realize how much she had missed her mother’s cooking, but it definitely healed a piece of her soul. After cleaning up, Phoebe returned to her house up the road to finish working on her latest piece, but not before reminding her older sister to not be a chicken. Gretchen raised an eyebrow at the statement, but did not pry further, and Kathryn was silently grateful for that. She knew that her mother had often said that there was no point in her intervening in her life because Phoebe always would make her see reason.

Kathryn grabbed her abandoned bag from the entranceway, and made her way upstairs to her old room. She checked her desk top monitor once more seeing the 0 new messages blinking, and took a deep breath before commanding to call Seven. She was not sure what she would say, but knew that often when it came to matters of the heart that she was better on her feet. 

She let out a frustrated grunt when once again there was no answer. She left a message quickly, shelving her emotions from her face. “Seven, I am so sorry for not reaching out sooner. Please forgive me. There is no excuse, but I really need to speak with you. Please ”. She closed the desk top monitor, and let her tears fall. She knew that Phoebe had been right. She should have made more of an effort, and was kicking herself in the ass for being so blind. Of course Seven would be angry with her. Phoebe had hit the nail on the head.

She quickly changed, and fell into a restless sleep.

Come morning, Kathryn immediately checked her messages. Once again to her dismay, there was nothing new. Internally berating herself, she put on clothes quickly, and raced downstairs to get coffee. Her mother must have already gone out for the morning, she thought. There was a pot of coffee waiting, but no sign of the eldest Janeway. Helping herself to a large cup, and another brownie, she decided to call Phoebe. She will know what to do , she thought.

It was only 0800 hours. She knew that her younger sister while working typically stayed up very late, but she felt a pull to contact her. As suspected, Phoebe was still asleep, Yianem was taking care of their two children in the meantime, absolutely covered in food. Apparently their youngest took more after Phoebe than Kathryn originally thought. Yianem was kind enough to not comment on the state Kathryn appeared to be in, and instead woke Phoebe and informed her that it was important. 

Grumbling, the youngest Janeway groaned, and sat looking at Kathryn with one open eye, and grumbled, “What’s the problem now sis?”

“She didn’t respond, Phoebs”, Kathryn blurted.

“Maybe go above her head?”

“Chakotay?” Kathryn whispered.

“You’ve said before you were friendly with him. Maybe she is still mad. Maybe your friend can talk her into at least having a conversation with you?”

Kathryn scoffed, “Hey Chakotay, I am planning on stealing your girlfriend, do you mind having her call me?” 

“Yeah, maybe don’t say that” Phoebe replied sarcastically. “Maybe you say something like ‘Hey, I am worried about Seven, can you please have her contact me?’ Use your head dingus”. Phoebe prompted, obviously losing patience. 

“Fine, go back to bed… You have a terrible attitude when you’re tired”, the redhead replied, and without another word, disconnected the call.

Phoebe did have a point, she thought. She didn’t need to tip her hand. She needed to pull out the diplomat Kathryn Janeway. Panic arose within her at the thought of seeing her old “ friend ”, but she took another deep breath, and called anyway.

After a few moments, Chakotay appeared on her screen with a coy smile. “Kathryn, hello. It has been a while. I trust you have been well?”

“Not too bad, how about yourself, Chakotay?” she replied, trying her best to smile pleasantly.

“Also not too bad, I am actually just on my way to Utopia Planitia. I have a new mission. I heard you finally finished debriefings. I am happy that you reached out before I left”, he said smiling brightly. 

God I hate when he smiles at me like that , she thought. “A new mission? Congratulations my friend. Will Seven be joining you? I have been trying to reach her, but haven’t heard back yet. It would make sense if she has been preparing to leave of course”, she said, flashing her most charming smile. She watched his smile falter briefly, then fall away completely.

“I guess you are rather out of the loop my friend”, he replied softly. “Seven and I broke up after our debriefings… She said that she needed to ‘find her own way’ and ‘not rely so heavily on others’ or something like that”. 

Kathryn tried hard to hide the full scope of the shock she felt from her expression. “I am sorry to hear that Chakotay”, not meaning a word of her condolences.  “Do you know where she is? Perhaps you have heard from the others where she may be staying? I really should check in on her.”

“Unfortunately, I am not of much assistance there Kathryn”, he replied. “You know how she can be when she puts her mind to something.”

“Of course. Thank you Chakotay, I really am sorry to hear this news. But I do wish you luck on your next mission” she offered with another smile toward the end.

“Thank you. When you find her, please send her my regards”, he replied with a small smile before ending the comm.

Kathryn visibly deflated when she knew she was no longer on the call. They broke up. This should be more exciting, but all she could feel was intense guilt. Seven was going through hell, and she had all but abandoned her. She would find her. She had to.

Chapter Text

When Captain Kathryn Janeway put her mind to something, it got done. Almost as if in a hyper focus, she began trying to recall who aboard Voyager had the closest relationships to Seven. It was difficult, as she didn’t really consider most people to be close with the blonde. Seven had grown fonder of some of the crew, but often struggled to have decent things to say about her fellow crewmates. She had definitely shown growth over the last three years, but friendships were hard for the young woman. 

She decided that she had to start somewhere, and began by calling Voyager’s biggest gossip; Tom Paris. It took a long time, but eventually the young man answered her call, and breathily said “Good Morning Captain. I wouldn’t have expected to hear from you!”.

“Good Morning Mr. Paris. How is acclimating to life back on Earth?” the redhead inquired politely.

“Oh, alright. This little one has been wreaking havoc on our sleep though”, he replied, lifting  a three month old Miral into view. She had her mother’s Klingon forehead ridges, and based on the wails coming from the little one, her feisty spirit as well.

“Sounds like she has the infamous Klingon extra lung”, Kathryn replied with a soft chuckle. “Tom, I know you are busy, so I won’t keep you. I am trying to locate Seven. I was just wondering if you had heard where I might be able to find her?”

Tom seemed to ponder for a moment. “I had heard that she and Chakotay weren’t together anymore, and if I am not mistaken, I believe that she has met with B’Elanna a few times since then, but I couldn’t be sure. I will go get her for you”.

“Thank you Tom, I greatly appreciate that”, the redhead said, internally pondering what Seven would be meeting B’Elanna for. Their arguments were legendary on board, and there were often betting pools of when they would escalate to physically exchanging blows. 

After a few moments, B’Elanna came on screen. She looked more disheveled than she had ever seen her on Voyager. Miral definitely must be a handful.

“Hey Captain. Tom said you were looking for Seven?” the half-Klingon asked; hesitancy evident on her face.

“Yes, I have tried to reach her a few times, and have not been able to get in touch. It is important that I reach her as soon as possible”, the Captain lied. It wasn’t imperative for anything except her own peace of mind. She watched B’Elanna clench her jaw a few times, evidently uncomfortable with ratting out her friend. Curious , Janeway thought. B’Elanna almost seemed protective over Seven. “I assure you, I wouldn’t ask if I could track her down on my own, B’Elanna”.

“I met with her a few times”, B’Elanna huffed, looking at the floor. “She was asking me about the possibility of making a portable regenerator.”

“A portable regenerator?” Janeway inquired. What on Earth would she need one for? She had access to the regeneration units that were aboard Voyager. A lightbulb went off in her mind. “Was she planning on going somewhere that she may not have access to her regeneration unit?”

B’Elanna huffed, now visibly angry. “You would know if you would have checked in sooner Captain ”, she spat at the last word. “You were the closest person to her. She would have told you… but instead, she came to me, asking for help. All I know is that she hated it on Earth. I have no idea where she went”.

“Leaving? Where would she be going?” Kathryn was completely stunned at the rage pouring off the half-Klingon, but knew that it was justified and 100% warranted. “Did you help her with her… request?” 

“Of course I helped her. With how many times she had saved all of our asses it was the least I could do. I asked her to stay with us, but she refused. She said there was nothing left for her here”, the brunette was obviously frustrated by Seven’s refusal. 

“Thank you for helping her, B'Elanna. If you hear anything….”, the Captain trailed off.

“Yeah, I will let you know”, she said with defeat. “You know, I may not like the way you handled the Seven situation, but I do care about you. I hope you know that”.

“I know, B’Elanna. I am sorry I have been distant from everyone. I was caught up with the stress of debriefings, and just acclimating back to life on Earth. It felt like everyone needed space; to learn how to be planet side again”, the redhead explained. “I am sorry for making everyone feel like I abandoned them”.

The ex-Chief of Engineering nodded once. “Please. Bring her back. I will never admit it to her directly, but I miss having her around”, she confessed with a small shrug. 

“I will”, the redhead promised, determination filling her voice. “Oh, and B’Elanna… Thank you”.

Nodding once more, the Engineer closed the comm, leaving Kathryn alone with her thoughts. Seven was leaving. Where would she be going? I have to find her,  she thought. 

Immediately, she called Samantha Wildman. She knew that Seven and Samantha’s daughter Naomi had a very special relationship. If anyone knew where she would be it would be her or Icheb. She would start with the youngest of the two, to see what she could glean.

Samantha appeared wearing her science’s blue uniform on her desk top monitor. “Captain Janeway, nice to see you! How can I help?” the blonde asked.

“Hello Ensign Wildman. You wouldn’t happen to be around Naomi would you? I have a question for you both”, Kathryn inquired hopefully.

“Not at the moment, Captain. I am at Starfleet Headquarters right now receiving my next assignment. I will be home in a few hours though!” the young Ensign offered.

“Thank you Ensign. I would appreciate it if you could both get back to me with haste”.

“Will do Captain”, she replied, quickly disconnecting the call.

Everyone seemed to be moving on with life. First Chakotay, and now Samantha, were already receiving new posts. Life was beginning to move on for her crew, and she personally had never felt more lost and out of the loop.

Trying her luck once more, she tried to reach Icheb. She had to leave a message with him, and requested he call her back at his earliest convenience. She knew that Seven very much treated Icheb as a son, and was hoping to not scare him unnecessarily if she could be located by other means.

With little left to do but wait, Kathryn decided to check on her mother’s whereabouts. Heading downstairs, she noted that she was still not in the kitchen, or in the living room. “Ma”, she called into the empty house. When there was no response, she put on a pair of shoes, and went searching for her mother, calling for her once more from the porch. 

“I’m in the garden, Katie!”, she heard her mother yell.

Making her way around toward the back of the house, she saw her mother bent over in the vegetable garden weeding. “I really wish you would hire someone to do more around here, Ma” Kathryn stated quietly, noticing how much older her mother had looked since returning from the years she was lost in the Delta Quadrant.

“Nonsense… I am more than capable. My joints are supple”, she exclaimed, proving her point by doing a squat and laughing loudly. 

Kathryn laughed heartily at the display. “Okay, Ma. Do you need some help? I am trying to kill some time”.

“Ah, waiting to hear back from the love of your life?” Gretchen replied, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Wha… No… How do you know?” Kathryn sputtered, cheeks burning wildly.

“Phoebe. You know she likes to exact her revenge when you wake her”, the eldest Janeway replied with a laugh and shake of the head.

“I’m going to kill her”, the redhead replied, tensing her fist into a ball.

“You will do no such thing, Katie. I am not an idiot. I can tell when you are interested in someone. I can also tell when you feel unworthy of something. I’m not blind.”

“Am I really that obvious?” Kathryn wondered aloud. How many people knew of her feelings for Seven she wondered.

“No, you aren’t… but I am your mother. I think I know how to read you better than most”, the greying woman replied, her smile reaching her eyes. “Now, why don’t you go collect those tomatoes before your face becomes as red as one?”

Kathryn was grateful for the quick escape, and couldn’t help but to laugh at her mother’s statement. She definitely felt the blush creeping during the conversation, and knew it would continue to worsen if they were to continue further. She noted that her mother had expanded the vegetable garden since she had last been here just by taking a quick glance. She quickly got to work, and before she knew it she had a large basket filled with tomatoes. 

“Go make yourself a sandwich, Katie, I will be right in”, Gretchen called to her, pulling her from her trance.

Heading into the kitchen, Kathryn grabbed the largest tomato out of the basket and gave it a quick wash before slicing two pieces of bread from the loaf that was just baked that morning, and throwing them in the old fashioned toaster. As the toast popped, Gretchen appeared smiling brightly. “I figured you would want one of your favourites”, she chuckled.

“Toasted tomato sandwiches will always remind me of home”, Kathryn replied, getting lost for a moment in the nostalgia of the moment. 

Gretchen pulled out the cheese and mayonnaise from the fridge, and placed them on the counter where Kathryn was standing. “Why don’t you tell me about her while you eat?” Gretchen asked kindly.

With busy hands slicing and assembling, she started. “She is the most confusing person I have ever met, Ma. She frustrates me, she challenges me, she directly disobeys orders, but I love her”, she said, turning around offering her mother half of a sandwich.

Gretchen took the other half and took a bite looking like she was contemplating how to proceed. “You know, I don’t think that is a bad thing”, she replied. “The challenging and frustrating part I mean… You have a tendency to walk all over people if they don’t stand their ground. Your way or the highway”.

Kathryn choked on her bite of the sandwich. “Excuse me?” she asked in disbelief.

“Oh, come on. I don’t mean it in a bad way Katie!” her mother started. “I mean that you tend to take charge of every situation. Sometimes it is good for you to take a back seat, and let someone else lead for a little while”.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow at her mother, trying to discern the true meaning behind her words.

“Take your father for instance. He was an Admiral with Starfleet. He thought he was a big tough guy, but when something was really important to me, he would listen. He knew that the things I would challenge him on required further introspection. If you always get your way, there is no room for growth”, the older Janeway offered. 

“She does make me question so many of my decisions”, Kathryn stated. “I believe that she has shown me that I am not always right, despite my conviction that I am”.

“She sounds like she is good for you”, Gretchen said, with a very large bright smile, and a small wink. 

“She is. Thanks mom”, Kathryn said, giving her mother a quick kiss on the cheek. “I am going to check and see if I have any messages”.

“Good luck Captain” Gretchen chuckled, giving a mock salute.

Her timing couldn’t have been better. She was receiving a call as she entered the room, and Kathryn quickly moved to close the door for a little privacy. Answering the hail, Samantha Wildman appeared on the screen.

“Hello Captain!” the blonde said with a bright smile.

“Hello Ensign, are you pleased with your new assignment?” the redhead inquired politely.

“Absolutely, Captain! I will be staying Earth bound for the time being, and will be working directly out of Starfleet Headquarters. Thankfully Admiral Paris decided that raising Naomi in space without her father around for the last seven years warranted an assignment that would allow us both to fully acclimate! At least for the time being anyway.”

“I am happy to hear that Samantha!” Kathryn said mustering as much happiness as she could for the young woman. 

“How can Naomi and I help Captain?” the Ensign inquired, instantly being pushed aside to reveal a very excited little Naomi.

“Hi Captain! I am so happy to see you! Did you hear that we will be staying on Earth? Mom says that she is going to take me to see the dolphins next weekend…” the young child exclaimed excitedly.

“Very good Naomi. I expect a full report when you return”, the redhead said, feigning a command mask, but was unable to stop a small smile at the child’s excitement. 

“Very well, Captain”, the child replied, standing up a little straighter. Kathryn knew that she would indeed receive a report about her expedition.

“Listen, have either of you heard from Seven recently? I have been trying to reach her, but haven’t been able to locate her. I was hoping either one of you may have an idea of how I might reach her”, the Captain requested.

Samantha shook her head, clearly not knowing anything, but Kathryn noticed a hint of rebellion in the young Naomi’s eyes. It was so subtle, even the Captain almost missed it, if it were not for her command training.

“Naomi, this is a mission of the most vital importance”, Kathryn probed, eyebrow raised high.

Samantha quickly glanced toward her daughter who visibly had mischief on her mind. “Naomi, if you know something, you need to tell the Captain the truth”.

“I don’t know Captain, Seven told me the same thing, and made me swear I wouldn’t say anything”.

“Naomi, do you remember when I told you three things about being a starship Captain?” Kathryn waited for the child’s nod “ ‘Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew’... I meant that. I need to find Seven. I will never abandon a member of my crew. I think that Seven might be in trouble, and I need to find her”, she finished with conviction, fully believing every word she said to the young girl.

Naomi looked to be pondering over the Captain’s words for a few moments before she finally spoke. “We played Kadis-Kot a few months ago. She told me that she was leaving, but wouldn’t tell me where she was going”, she said sadly. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have records of this Samantha?” Kathryn said hopefully, testing her luck.

“I have parental controls on all monitors. I can get you a recording Captain, it just might take me a couple of days to find it”, Samantha replied.

Naomi looked like she had betrayed her best friend, and Kathryn did not want the little girl to be upset with herself. “Naomi, thank you. I promise, I will get Seven back. You did the right thing”.

Naomi smiled at that.

“I will forward the recording as soon as it is located Captain, I will start looking immediately”, Samantha offered.

“Thank you Samantha”, Kathryn replied ending the comm.

Sinking back into her chair she once again felt defeat clutch at her heart. Seven did not want to be found. She knew that would make finding the woman exponentially harder. She had more knowledge in her cortical node than most of Starfleet, but Kathryn had unmatched tenacity. This was going to be a struggle, but she silently vowed to find the woman, no matter how difficult it may be. 

Kathryn was once again swept up in a sea of thoughts. Her mother during dinner had tried to distract her with questions, but nothing pulled the redhead out of her own mind. Kathryn was growing increasingly frustrated with herself. She longed to be able to put the ex-Borg out of her mind even for a moment. It felt like she was standing in front of an ancient Earth puzzle with no image on it trying to fit the pieces together. 

“Kathryn, love… I’ve got the clean up, you go upstairs and focus on finding your girl”, the older Janeway said kindly. 

Kathryn began to protest, but Gretchen smiled and said, “You’re just going to be in my way. You are a thousand lightyears away… Go!”.

Kathryn hung her head softly, knowing her mother was right. Her mind was very much not in the room with them, and realized that she would absolutely be more of a hindrance than a help. “Thanks Ma”, she said softly, before placing a quick kiss on the older woman’s cheek, and leaving the kitchen to head upstairs.

Softly closing the door to her childhood bedroom, tears began to fall without her permission. There was so much she wished she could say to Seven, but was unable to. She quickly dried her tears, and decided that she would send the younger blonde yet another message. She would not give up.

Once again, the call went unanswered. Kathryn felt tears welling up in her eyes once more, but did not allow them to fall. She took a deep breath and when the recording began, she said, “Seven, please… I… I need you to come home”. She felt incredibly vulnerable in the moment, and hadn’t meant to beg the way that she had. Clearing her throat, she finished. “The crew needs you. Please, let me know where you are, and that you are alright… I am sorry again, Seven.”

When the comm closed, she absolutely lost it. Seven was gone without a trace. There may still be hope, perhaps the recording would give her some insight, she thought. Determined to find the woman, she called Icheb again. Icheb would have the missing puzzle piece.

Icheb appeared on her screen, smiling. “Hello Captain!”, the young man greeted.

“Hello Icheb. I apologize for calling again instead of waiting to hear back from you, I require information of a rather sensitive nature”, the redhead replied.

“I understand Captain. I have just returned from my class at the Academy, I apologize for not reaching you sooner”, the young man said with a soft smile.

“Congratulations! I am happy that Starfleet accepted your application so quickly”, the Captain said, pride filling her voice. She always knew that the young man was very special, and would do great things, and was so proud of the young man.

“Thank you Captain. You said you required information?”, he reminded.

“Yes, thank you. It is regarding Seven”, she said, measuring his response. She watched as the smile he had faded, and his posture became more like the Drone he once was. “I have come to learn that Seven had decided to… leave us. I was hoping that you would know her whereabouts so I can bring her back”. 

Icheb visibility stiffened briefly, then returned to his previous smiling, and casual tone. “I am sorry Captain, I have not heard from Seven in quite some time. Have you tried to reach Chakotay?” he inquired.

Kathryn could tell the young man was lying. She knew him well enough to know when he reverted to his Drone stance that he was very uncomfortable in a situation. She also knew that if Seven had in fact left Earth, there was no way she would leave without telling the young man. She knew that Seven had viewed the young man as a child she would never have. He was protecting her , she thought. But from what ? Knowing that there was no way that she could break the young man’s defences, she formulated a plan quickly, but opted to not tip her hand.

“Thank you, Icheb. I will definitely give the Commander a call. If you do hear anything, please let me know”, she requested.

“Of course, Captain.”

Ending the comm, she had a sudden burst of energy. She typed a few commands into her desk top monitor, and quickly packed her bag. She needed to go back to San Francisco immediately. Taking a quick survey of the room to ensure she had not forgotten anything, she put on the brown leather jacket, and ran down the stairs. Knowing her mother would be in the kitchen still, but not having time to stop to have a conversation, she yelled, “Ma, I have to go… I will be in touch”.

Running as fast as her feet would take her, she did not even wait for a taxi. She had to get home immediately. Every second counted.

Chapter Text

“You are off duty right now Kathryn, and even if you weren't, I can’t clear this and you know it,” Admiral Owen Paris practically yelled.

“Admiral, this is of the utmost importance!” Kathryn protested.

“Are you telling me that Seven is a danger to the Federation? Are you implying that Cadet Icheb is harboring a fugitive perhaps?” he replied coldly. “Is there perhaps something you have declined to inform us of during the debriefings?”

“Of course not!” she scoffed. “She could be in danger. She isn’t from this Quadrant for fuck’s sake! You know her…” 

Admiral Paris sighed, and rubbed his forehead. “Kathryn, I understand… Probably more than most, how much a crew can become like family. But I can’t push the envelope that far. Plus, I have a grandchild now. I cannot risk my job for your love life.”

“Love life? How… This has nothing to do with my love life sir, a member of my crew is missing. I can’t just give up!” Janeway cried.

“Seven hinted at it when she was on the Al-Batani… Don’t tell me you forgot who your commanding officer was and that I was privy to more information than you…” he replied hinting that he definitely knew more than he was letting on. “As far as you giving up… If it means that much to you, then don’t. But unfortunately I can’t help with this… particular request. I know how much you mean to her, she will come around eventually.”

Janeway looked at him with a subtle hint of rebellion. He told her not to give up, and she definitely wouldn’t… Giving up wasn’t a part of her vocabulary or nature. When she set her mind to something it got done. “I understand. Thank you for your time sir.”

She left Admiral Paris’ office with haste. She knew exactly who to turn to for help. It might be an unconventional idea, but she knew that if she had any hope of putting her plan into action, this was the way to get it done. She had to remind herself a few times walking through Head Quarters not to run. She felt Seven slipping further away every single second, and that absolutely terrified her.

She finally found the room that housed the Communications Project she knew Lieutenant Barclay was working on, and cleared her throat once to gain the attention of the room. 

A young Ensign looked up at the noise, and immediately stood to attention. “Captain Janeway!” she exclaimed in surprise. “It is a pleasure, how can we assist you?”

“At ease Ensign. I am here for personal reasons. I am looking for Lieutenant Barclay,” she replied waving her hand to signify formalities were not required.

“Oh, he is in the holodeck,” the young brunette replied pointing to the back wall. “I am sure he wouldn’t mind the interruption.”

A few people in the room tried to stifle chuckles, which in turn made Kathryn’s command mask slip firmly into place causing a few people who had never experienced it to cough in surprise. Reginald Barclay was the only person she believed was just as invested in getting Voyager home as her while they were lost in the Delta Quadrant. She had come to think of him as a friend, and she did not appreciate the way that he was often treated by his peers. 

Giving a final death glare to the room, she headed toward the holodeck that was pointed out to her. On the sixth chime, a very flustered Reginald Barclay appeared.

“I thought I told you all that I was not to be disturbed…” he said, irritation lacing his voice.

“Sorry Lieutenant, I was just stopping in to ask a personal favour. I can come back another time,” Kathryn replied, slightly deflating. She needed this mission to be carried out as soon as possible, but understood the massive pressure the man was under to establish constant communication in the Delta Quadrant.

“Oh, Ca-Captain Janeway. I apologize. Please… c-come in!” he stammered, stepping to the side to make room for her to enter.

“Thank you Lieutenant,” Kathryn smiled, entering the holodeck noting the vast controls and screens within her view. “I am sorry for interrupting your work. I know how seriously you take your assignments. How is it coming along Lieutenant?”

“Reginald… P-please,” he requested. “I am making progress. I-it is slow, but coming along. I have a theory that will help us strengthen the si-signal to the Delta Quadrant on a more permanent channel,” he said excitedly, walking over to the display, proudly showing his work.

“Great work, Reginald,” she replied, looking over his notes. “Unconventional, but I have the utmost faith that you will have a breakthrough soon,” meaning every word. She knew that like herself, when the man put his mind to something, he would not rest until he found solutions.

“I-Indeed,” he replied. “Now, I know you didn’t come here to listen to me ramble about C-communications. H-how can I help Captain?”

“Kathryn,” she replied with a lopsided smile. “I have to ask for a favour, one that must be kept in the strictest confidence,” she hesitated trying to gauge whether or not her idea would be well received.

Barclay nodded fiercely and appeared honoured to be trusted.

“Seven of Nine has left Earth,” she blurted. “There has been a situation, and I need to get her back. I have a feeling that Cadet Icheb has been in communication with her, but he denies it. I know that Starfleet keeps records of communications while Cadets are in training,” she tested.

Barclay looked mildly confused by this, and she knew that it was not common knowledge.

“Trust me, they are,” she confirmed. “What I need is someone on the inside to hack into Starfleet Communications, and get me a copy of the calls between Seven and Icheb… You wouldn’t happen to know of anyone would you?” she whispered, hoping that he wouldn’t turn her in.

“I-I…”, he started. “I wouldn’t know wh-wher to be-begin…” he replied, stuttering more than normal.

Kathryn handed the man a data padd. “I am on a forced leave right now. Trust me Reginald, I wouldn’t ask if I could do this myself.” She hated involving him in her scheme, but there was no other way, and no one else she could trust with this. She did not want him to risk his position, and felt immense guilt, but knew that she would not be able to hack into the system without the proper clearance from home. 

Reginald hesitated for a moment, then Kathryn watched as determination came across his features. “I won’t let you down, Captain,” he said, standing at attention, stutter completely gone.

“Thank you my friend,” she replied, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Kathryn was incredibly exhausted from her day at Starfleet Head Quarters. Between a lack of sleep, and the strong emotions she had felt throughout the day, she knew that her pacing would eventually take a toll on her. She had arrived at the townhouse and immediately began working on the padd she had handed to Barclay, forgoing sleep altogether. It had taken hours of research through channels she would never admit, but she had compiled enough information that she knew would yield results. She definitely did try a few times from her own desk top monitor, but was stonewalled with every attempt, much to her dismay. Between her clearance being revoked, and lack of proximity to Head Quarters, it appeared that her attempts were indeed futile

Making herself another coffee, she allowed herself the time to reflect back on her day. She had hope that Barclay would be able to decipher her coded instructions and get her the recordings as quickly as possible. Time was of the essence but she knew that she also needed to be cautious. There was a fine balance between being reckless with her own position, but she needed to consider others. She could only hope that Admiral Paris would not report her plans, or try to stop her attempts.

Taking a sip of her coffee, she headed into her study. She knew that it was hopeless, but she still found herself obsessively checking for a message from Seven. Opening the desk top monitor, she noticed a flashing “1 new message”, and with shaking hands, she opened the message.

Captain Janeway:

This is all that I was able to find as far as communication between Seven and Naomi. I don’t know that it will be of much help, but maybe you can find something that I cannot.

• Ensign Samantha Wildman.

Kathryn’s heart began pounding wildly in her chest as she opened the recording, and was instantly greeted with the sight of a stoic Seven of Nine in a shuttle craft, and a smiling Naomi Wildman holding her Flotter doll in what appeared to be her room. Her hands were visibly shaking as she hit play.

“Naomi Wildman,”  she heard Seven use her typical greeting for the child.

“Hi Seven!” the child replied. “I’ve missed you so much! It has been so long!”

“Indeed,” the older woman replied. “I have missed our weekly games of Kadis-Kot.”

“We could play now if you have the time!” Naomi replied, excitement filling her features.

There was beeping in the background, which drew Seven’s attention away from Naomi for a moment. Kathryn watched Seven swivel her chair and at lightspeed typed in a series of commands, before turning back to the child.

“I have time for one game,” Seven replied. Kathryn noted a hint of hesitation in the woman’s features, but as quickly as it had appeared, it once again vanished.

Naomi appeared to light up at the news that they had enough time for one round. “Okay!” she exclaimed, quickly grabbing her board.

Most of the rest of the conversation was about different holoprograms that Naomi was running - usually Flotter’s Adventures, and updates about the child’s education. Kathryn was deflating trying to read into any hints of Seven’s whereabouts. Near the end of the game, Seven’s console began beeping once more. 

“Naomi Wildman, I must speak with you,” Seven said, and Kathryn could almost detect a sense of nervousness from the blonde.

“Sure, but isn’t that what we have been doing this whole time?” the young redhead asked.

“I am leaving Earth,’ Seven started. “It is vital that the crew does not know, but I could not fully depart without saying goodbye to you.”

“Where are you going, Seven? Please promise that you will come back.”

“I cannot say at this time. I have no plans of returning, but… I will miss you,” the blonde replied, eyes brimming with an unshed tear.

“I will miss you too Seven!” Naomi cried openly. 

Seven’s console began beeping more rapidly again.

“I must end our call prematurely. Make sure to continue with the lessons I will be transmitting. It should see you through until Command training,” Seven stated before ending the transmission abruptly.

Kathryn was still visibly shaking and blinked a few times looking at her screen. Samantha was correct, there was not much to go on, but she noticed that there was an attached file. Opening it, it seemed that it was the lessons Seven had promised Naomi. She quickly glanced at the file names and noted that indeed there was enough gigaquads of data to occupy the child through Command Training, possibly longer. Perhaps there were hints in this mass of information she wondered. She quickly began opening each file, and looking for any common themes that would potentially point to where Seven was going, but knew that she would need help. 

She began running analytics on the file to help extrapolate any common data for an extra hand. Kathryn knew that she would be pulling another all nighter despite her exhaustion, and decided on another coffee before diving into the information. The thought of having answers soon was enough to motivate her to push through how heavy her eyes had become. 

During the following seventy-six hours she had drifted off to sleep a few times in short bursts, and woke up cursing herself for her need for sleep. She was only three percent through the file containing the lessons, and so far was unable to find anything of use to her. Seven had been quite thorough in her lessons and tests and requests for essays, and she was amazed by the blonde’s attention to detail. She wouldn’t have expected anything less, but it was still remarkable, and Kathryn was in awe.

The sheer amount of caffeine Kathryn had consumed was excessive even by her own standards. Her stomach growled loudly, and she decided she needed to eat something. She had no recollection of eating over the last few days, and decided that the need to take a mental break was required in order to fully be able to be as detail oriented as she knew she would need to be. 

She ate a quick bowl of broth, knowing that she needed fuel, but her nerves were making her slightly nauseous, and knew that solid food would not be a great idea at that moment. She took a few moments to look at herself, and realized she was in the same outfit she had been in when she went to Head Quarters looking for assistance, and decided that a hot shower would do her a world of good. As much as she hated pulling herself away from her task for longer, she knew that if this were anyone else from her old crew, that she would advise them to still practise some level of self care, and would order them off duty for the evening. Letting out a large sigh, she went upstairs to at least shower and change, and take a few hour nap.

The shower definitely helped calm her nerves and re-center her mind. She did not want to waste time having a bath, but water had always helped her to relax, and gave her time to gain perspective. Washing away the stress and anxiety was always incredibly helpful. By the time she was finished, her fingers had begun to prune, her muscles were much more relaxed, and the full weight of her exhaustion was wearing on her. She quickly threw on a nightgown, and collapsed onto bed and fell asleep rather quickly.

Seven was gone. They were back in the Delta Quadrant, and Seven had opted to go back to the Borg. Despite her words, Kathryn couldn’t shake the feeling that the blonde did not want to leave Voyager. She needed to save her. It became an obsession. 

When Janeway appeared in front of the Borg Queen to rescue Seven, she was taunted.

“Seven will never love you Janeway… she will always be mine,” the Queen informed.

“No, Seven is an individual now, she would never willingly go back to being a drone,” the redhead replied stubbornly.

Seven appeared from the shadows, fully assimilated back into the collective. “It is true, Captain. The Borg Queen will always be the one who holds my heart,” she informed, circling the Queen, then trailing one finger along the grey collarbone that was exposed on the bald woman. “She is the only one who can truly know how I like to be touched,” she said, shivering as the Borg Queen cupped her face.

“No,” Janeway replied, eyes brimming with tears threatening to follow. She felt her own fingernails digging into her palms painfully. “Seven, I love you… Come with me. You can be an individual.”

“You don’t understand how it feels to share a mind with another Captain. To be able to communicate your wants and desires without a single word,” Seven replied, looking toward the Borg Queen, who leaned in and gave Seven what appeared to be a very passionate kiss. 

Kathryn’s heart was beating wildly in her chest, and was filled with jealousy and rage. Tears were fully flowing at that moment watching Seven express what she longed for with another.

Seven broke the kiss, and sensually sauntered toward Kathryn. “Are you heartbroken right now knowing that we will never share this?” she mocked. 

Kathryn nodded once unable to hide her discontent any longer. All of a sudden, she felt Seven’s assimilation tubules plunge deep within the flesh of her neck, and the pain made her drop to her knees, and gasp for air. As she felt life slipping away from her she felt the Borg Queen within her mind. She saw an image of her, and the Borg Queen slowly and sensually embracing Seven, before the attention was turned on herself.

 “No,” she yelled. 

Chapter Text

Kathryn gasped loudly, breaking the spell of the dream that had bound her. Her heart was still beating wildly, but taking in her surroundings, she was reminded that it was a bad dream. Seven was not with the Borg Queen… at least, she hoped. She glanced at her palms, and noted the red, half moon imprints on the tender flesh, which re-invigorated her need to hurry to find the blonde. 

She quickly went into her home office, and checked her messages, skipping the much needed stop for coffee. She saw a flashing “1 new message” displayed on her inbox. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she opened the message.

I have what you need. 

Find me ASAP.

There was no context, and the message was encrypted with no possible way to know who sent it. She felt hope spark within her. Barclay! He was the only person that would know what she was looking for. Glancing at the time, it was 2200 hours. A little late, but she decided that she could not wait. Grabbing the brown leather jacket, she ran out of the house headed for Reginald’s home. She assumed that he would not meet her at Head Quarters, due to the nature of her request.

It didn’t take long to find herself in front of the Lieutenant’s apartment door. Without much thought, she knocked loudly on the dark wood. After thirty seconds, the door creaked ever so slightly, but did not fully open. 

“Did you come alone?” the voice called.

“Yes, Reginald. Please… I need to know what you have found,” Kathryn pleaded.

The door swung open, and she noticed the paranoid look in the man’s face, and noticed him glancing through the hallway, obviously not believing her.

“Did you tell anyone where you were going?” he questioned, while quickly dragging her into the room.

“No, I didn’t have time, I saw your message, and immediately came here.”

“Good, Good,” he said, and Kathryn had noticed his lack of stutter, which she found quite odd due to the state the Lieutenant appeared to be in. “Commander Troi is here…” he added pointing toward the stairs. 

“Are you alright Reginald?” the redhead asked, after glancing back toward the man.

“I ran into some… problems. That is why your request took so long.”

“What kind of problems?” Janeway replied.

“Borg Encryption. I have been unable to break it, but I have felt like Starfleet is on to me.”

“Oh, Reginald. You have to remember, Seven still has a cortical node, she would have known that Starfleet would be recording the transmissions, and probably had Icheb encrypt the files of their communications,” she offered, hoping that this was in fact the case.

Commander Troi stepped into the room at that moment, and interjected, “See Reginald, I told you that Captain Janeway would agree with me that there was probably nothing nefarious on Starfleet’s end.” The woman smiled warmly at Janeway and offered a hand politely.

“Then why can’t I crack the encryption?” he shouted, causing the women to jump back from a handshake that was not meant to be.

“Reginald, why don’t you let me take a look,” Kathryn offered, casting a quick glance toward Deanna, hoping that her taking charge may be of assistance. “I have known Seven and Icheb for quite some time, and perhaps I will know what to do.”

The paranoid man nodded once, and brought Janeway to the desktop monitor that was on his living room table. Kathryn noticed the Borg symbols displayed on the screen, and vast notes on paper beside the technology; conflicting advanced technology with primitive decoding. She understood at that moment how paralyzed with fear that her friend had been, but definitely respected and appreciated his discretion.

Glancing at the symbols, there was some recognition tugging in the corners of her mind. She had definitely seen these patterns previously. Seven had taken the time to teach her some encryption and coding previously in case the Borg were to try to intervene, or if she were considered incapacitated; but this had been a while ago. She cursed, and desperately tried to recall the commands Seven had taught her so long ago.

“May I try?” Kathryn asked, seeking permission before making any sudden movements.

“Please,” he replied, sliding the desktop monitor closer to her, but keeping his eyes locked on the screen.

Kathryn made a few unsuccessful attempts, when Troi interjected. “Look at the symbols closely one more time, Captain.”

Kathryn did as requested, and let her mind wander in a sense of nostalgia that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“I am getting an immense sense of determination, then satisfaction and love from you. Perhaps, try to think back to a time when you had felt similarly around Seven.”

Kathryn thought back to her Voyager days. There were many moments that she had felt similar, but if she had to pinpoint one moment, it would have to be the day that Seven had stolen a shuttlecraft and had been overloading her cortical node with too much information. Kathryn had helped Seven work through processing the information from a more realistic lens, and Seven eventually had let down the forcefield. 

“I’ve got it…” she replied, quickly typing commands into the desktop monitor. 

“52842, was the stardate that I had convinced Seven she could trust me,” Janeway said, relieved when the video logs popped up onto the screen. “After that, she began teaching me Borg encryption… But… How?”

Reginald and Troi looked ecstatic that Janeway was able to crack the code, before she put a hand on Kathryn’s shoulder and replied, “It was familiar to you, I did not read your mind Kathryn, but your emotions when looking at the symbols were… loud.”

Kathryn nodded. She knew that while she may not be able to decipher her own emotions, it would make sense that Deanna would. That after all was kind of the woman’s specialty.

“If she didn’t want me to find her, why would she have used that date as the key?” she thought aloud.

“Perhaps, she thought that you were the only one who could be trusted to view the logs?” Troi offered.

“Mmm.” Janeway replied absentmindedly, while quickly pressing play.

“Icheb… It is good to see you,” Seven said, looking proudly at the young man.

“You as well, Seven.” he replied with a large smile.

“Plan Indigo-Alpha-Sierra-Golf-Seven-Point-Eighty-Four has been initiated,” the blonde informed.

“Very well…” the young man replied sadly. “Have you tried talking to Ja-”

“No,” Seven interrupted. “Cease this line of questioning immediately.”

“O-ok,” Icheb replied. “Is there any way that I can convince you to stay?”

Seven seemed to take a moment to swallow her emotions, before replying. “No.”

“Please stay in contact as long as you can,” the young man said, tears freely flowing.

“I will,” Seven replied, then ended the transmission.

The room was filled with a pregnant silence, no one willing to be the first to speak at first.

After a few moments of quiet contemplation, an idea struck. “I need a map of the Galaxy,” Kathryn demanded. 

Quickly and wordlessly, Reginald ran up the steps to his upper floor. 

While he was gone, Commander Troi put a gentle hand on Kathryn’s shoulder once more, and said, “She was being deceptive when she said there was no way to convince her to stay.”

Kathryn, was at that moment pulled from her racing thoughts, and looked up to Troi.  “I certainly hope you’re right,” she said, completely rocked to her very core.

Reginald came back down the stairs, and unfurled a large map on the other end of the table, and the group quickly glanced at it together.

“What did you see in the message?” Barclay asked, unable to help himself.

“It was a combination of things really,” Janeway replied, running a delicate finger along the paper. “The console for both of the calls I have seen, show me a trajectory. The educational files she had sent to Naomi also have more of a prevalence of focus, but I was hoping to be wrong. However the name of her plan…” she replied, looking at the two who were hunched over her shoulder. “It has coordinates within them. She wanted at least Icheb to be able to find her.”

Both Reginald, and Deanna’s eyes went wide, realizing what that had meant, as the redhead’s finger stopped deep within the Gamma Quadrant.

“I need a shuttlecraft, Reginald… The fastest one you can get,” she demanded. 

“Let me,” Deanna offered, stepping out of the room to make a call.

“Starfleet won’t like this, Reginald,” Kathryn said. “I have to get to her though.”

“Don’t worry Kathryn, we will stall them,” he replied.

Within the hour, Janeway was exiting Earth’s orbit, and locked onto the coordinates that would lead her to Seven. There was a minor hiccup while leaving, but Deanna had pulled enough strings that she had the clearance required despite not being an active Captain. She may, or may not have had to lie and say that she was on her way to Risa for a mandated vacation as a part of her therapy. She would die from embarrassment… later . Right then, nothing mattered except getting to Seven. The blonde had a significant head start, and she could only hope that she could reach her before exiting the Quadrant. 

“Let’s see what this baby can do,” Janeway said to the empty shuttlecraft, slipping into warp.

Kathryn had spent the better part of five months taking the quickest route to the coordinates she believed Seven would be at. 

She had followed her gut, only stopping when she required more dilithium in order to carry on. When she would restock, she made sure to ask around about a blonde ex-Borg, and while most people had little information, on occasion she was able to get confirmation that she had been spotted. Based on the intel she was receiving, she was gaining ground, but it did not seem that she would quite catch up before Seven reached her destination.

Frustrated, Kathryn decided one month in, that she would cut down to one quarter nutrition from the replicator, and non essential operations to a minimum in order to have to stop less. It would be a hard journey, but would be essential to her success. Her determination never once faltered, despite months with no contact with another person except for her stops which had diminished greatly over time. She had no time to contemplate her family or friends. She had one objective, and that was to find Seven as soon as possible.

At one point, as the days were blending together, she noticed a wormhole on sensors close by that had not been there previously. She said a silent prayer that it could be used as a shortcut to where she needed to go. After reading her initial scan, she couldn’t believe her luck. It would take some back tracking, but she would be able to get to Seven’s potential destination ahead of her. Wormholes could be fickle, she knew, and immediately changed directions, heading straight for it, wasting no time to second guess herself.

Coming out of the other end of the wormhole, she began running scans to make sure she did in fact end up approximately where she expected. She would indeed need to do some backtracking, however, she decided to turn all systems back on and run continuous scans for a shuttlecraft from the known databases. It should be easy enough to pick up since most of the Gamma Quadrant had been unexplored, so she expected it would be relatively simple to track known technology on sensors. 

She quickly replicated a high caloric meal, and had a quick sonic shower. She didn’t want to risk bumping into Seven, and frightening the woman. When she caught a glimpse of her own reflection, she had noticed how much more prominent her cheekbones had become. She knew that Seven would immediately notice the change. She had a talent of picking up on the slightest variances, and Kathryn knew it would be hard to deny that she had not been taking adequate care of herself. Now that she was closer than ever, she had to make sure she had solid counter arguments for anything Seven could throw her way. 

After just over two weeks, she heard a beep on sensors indicating that familiar technology had been sighted. Kathryn’s heart fluttered, and she quickly spun to the console looking toward the screen, knowing that it could only be one person. As quickly as the dot appeared, it disappeared. Oh, no you don’t , Kathryn thought. 

She had spent a lot of the previous five months in space brushing up on Seven’s lessons on Borg encryption, knowing that the blonde would be testing her knowledge. She knew that the ex-Borg may still trust her to some degree according to Deanna, but that did not mean that she would make it easy on her. She quickly pulled a panel from the wall, and re-wired a few sensors, before typing in her commands. The dot appeared once more on sensors, still heading toward the coordinates from Seven’s message to Icheb; about two lightyears away from her current location. 

It took a few more commands to hopefully be able to trick Seven’s sensors into keeping the same trajectory, while she instead jumped to Warp 9.5 to take the blonde’s shuttle by surprise. She could only hope that Seven had little faith that she would remember all of her lessons. Thankfully she had enough sense to download all of the information from her desktop monitor for the trip, which included those lessons. There was no possible way that she would have remembered every single one by heart.

Just before the shuttlecraft came into visual range, Kathryn stopped her vessel, and transported herself onboard the other shuttlecraft, hoping that the blonde wouldn’t be expecting her. She re-materialized on an unfamiliar vessel. It appeared that after her latest communications with Icheb, that Seven had assimilated the ship. 

The sickly green light took over every corner and display, including its pilot; Seven. Kathryn’s heart lurched. Seven wore her hair down, not in the familiar French twist that she had known, yet also not the careless waves of the woman that had visited her so many years ago. This was different; almost a bridge between the two women. Care had gone into maintaining her curls perfection. Her gaze reached Seven’s toned arms, which were bare, showing off implants that she shouldn’t recognize, but did. She was completely in awe and unable to pull her gaze from the sight of the woman she had been relentlessly seeking, and also found that she was unable to form words.

“You shouldn’t have come, Captain,” the blonde stated in her usual cool tone, which instantly brought Kathryn’s mind back to the realization that this was in fact the younger woman that she had spent countless hours mentoring. 

She coughed once, to buy herself time. “I couldn’t let you leave, Seven.”

“You have arrived too late. As you are aware, I had already left. You coming here is… insufficient,” the blonde retorted, spinning around to face the redhead’s gaze directly.

It took Kathryn exactly ten seconds to find her voice again, despite being frozen from the piercing blue eyes that had locked onto her own.

“I need you to come back with me,” Kathryn asked, her tone expressing emotion that her words did not.

“No,” Seven replied, her jaw flexing firmly with her decision. Kathryn thought she could detect a hint of hesitation for the briefest of moments in her eyes though.

“Seven… I am so sorry,” she said, taking a few steps toward the blonde. Noting the other woman did not flinch, she closed the rest of the distance, and squatted in front of the blonde to be at eye level with her. “I am sorry that I did not reach out sooner. That I was not there for you when you needed me. I promise, I will not make that mistake again.” 

Kathryn searched the blonde’s eyes, looking back and forth between them, trying to discern their secrets despite the long pause in conversation. She could almost see the other woman’s eyes moisten more than normal, but it was so subtle, she was unsure if she was reading into it.

“You told me that Earth would become home, and that it would help me to be surrounded by humans. It did not,” Seven replied, eyes now definitely brimming with tears. “I only found cruelty, abandonment, and broken promises. I have no desire to return,” she finished with a single tear actually falling down one pale cheek.

Kathryn quickly brushed the offending moisture away with a thumb, and looked at Seven in such a way that she hoped would express everything she was unable to say in the moment.

“I can never fully atone for abandoning you when you needed me the most…” Kathryn started. “But I do promise to spend the rest of my life trying, and proving that it will never happen again. I just need you to give me a chance.”

Seven sat wordlessly searching Kathryn’s eyes, so the redhead made sure to let down the walls in her body language. Now is not the time to rely on command training . She needed Seven to believe how sorry she genuinely was, and how much she would do to ensure that the blonde would be safe as long as her heart was still beating. 

“52842,” Seven replied. “I knew I should have chosen a different password.”

“I am happy that you didn’t…” Kathryn laughed loudly. “Why did you choose that stardate, Seven? I have been wondering about that since I left Earth looking for you. There were so many important dates in your development into an individual. Why that one day?”

“It was the day I knew…” Seven replied, not completing the thought.

Kathryn wanted Seven to continue, but when she didn’t, she had a gut feeling that pushing further would be futile on that topic. “Come home,” she said, brushing another tear from a porcelain cheek. “Please,” she added with a lopsided smile.

After what Kathryn could tell was a large battle within the blonde, Seven nodded once with uncharacteristically slumped shoulders. 

Kathryn lifted the blonde's chin with two fingers. “I won’t let you down. I promise, you won’t regret it.”

Kathryn gave Seven a warm hug, which at first seemed to startle the younger woman. After a few seconds, she seemed to relax into the embrace, and Kathryn internally celebrated the victory. She held the blonde longer than necessary, drawing small circles into her back. For the briefest of moments she found herself getting lost in the scent that was uniquely Seven. When the younger woman buried her face in Kathryn’s neck, she felt moisture collecting on her clothing signalling that Seven was still crying. She pulled the woman snugly to her body as if holding her more tightly would banish the woman’s trauma. She knew that it would only temporarily help, but would do anything to make the younger woman feel safe in her presence once more.

When Seven’s breathing had slowed, Kathryn felt the woman begin to withdraw from her embrace. She studied the stilled features that she had come to love, and interlaced their fingers. 

“Shall we?” She asked.

Seven nodded once, and typed in a few commands on the console, tractoring Kathryn’s shuttlecraft. 

Kathryn raised an eyebrow at the blonde. “Are you planning on dragging it back to the Alpha Quadrant?”

“No… I just… Don’t leave me yet. Please,” Seven said.

Kathryn’s heart broke and mended at the same time. 

“Of course,” she replied, knowing that she would not go back to her own shuttle as long as Seven wanted her presence. If she had her own way, she would never leave visual range of the blonde again.

Chapter Text

The pair had been travelling in relative silence for the better part of an hour. Just being in Seven’s presence again, gave Kathryn a sense of calm that she had not felt in quite some time. What didn’t though, was feeling Seven glance at her every so often. She felt the gaze intensely on her small form, but did not want to discourage the younger woman, so she held her attention at her own station. She found herself wondering what the blonde was thinking, or what she saw that kept pulling her attention away from the helm. Tractoring Kathryn’s “borrowed” shuttle would definitely slow them down, but she didn’t mind. As long as she was with Seven, she didn’t care if it took decades to get home; a piece of her that had been missing was finally back where it belonged, and it felt right .

After the twelfth time Kathryn felt the gaze, Seven finally spoke.

“Why did you come?”

Kathryn’s heart began beating at warp speed, and she was fully aware that the younger woman would be able to pick up on the sudden increase. She locked eyes with the younger woman, and swallowed louder than she had intended to. She promised the older Seven that she wouldn’t make her wait, but this Seven in front of her was unaware of her full range of feelings, so she decided that she needed to be cautious with her approach, but to tell the truth at the same time.

“I care about you Seven. I… I need you in my life,” she replied cautiously, yet not without emotion.

Seven seemed to ponder over the declaration for a while.

“Are you sure that it was not because I stole the Delta Flyer from Starfleet? What would you have done had I not agreed to return?” Seven asked thoughtfully, eyes almost accusatory.

Kathryn stood, unable, or rather, unwilling to hide her emotions from at least her body language. She reached for a cheek, but diverted at the last moment, and settled for her Borg implant enforced hand. 

“I would have followed you for the rest of my life, trying to convince you to come home. I don’t care that you took the Flyer, Seven.” Eyes shining brightly, dancing between Seven’s. She was hoping the younger woman would be able to read between the lines, and sense how truthful she was being at that moment. It wouldn’t have mattered if she stole the Enterprise, all she wanted was to be with the younger woman.

“I am mildly curious about the… updates though,” Janeway said, glancing around at the assimilated ship, with a raised eyebrow,

“It was not efficient,” Seven replied defiantly. 

Seven looked incredibly beautiful even when she was being stubborn. Kathryn was mildly hunched over, glancing down at her loose, yet perfect curls, with a gentle, yet firm grasp on her Borg implant enhanced hand, cast in a familiar green glow. She gave the hand a small squeeze, and internally confessed feelings she knew that she could not say out loud… yet .

Seven seemed to contemplate for another long moment, before her face firmed and she whispered, “You abandoned me.”

Her words made Kathryn feel like she had been punched in the gut. All air seemed to vanish from her lungs in an instant, and it was Kathryn’s time to let tears fall, but found she was unable to speak.

“Chakotay asked me to marry him,” the blonde started. “Starfleet debriefings were… difficult. He was worried that they would take me into custody, so he offered to marry me.”

Kathryn’s stomach fell. She knew that Starfleet was harassing and ostracizing Seven, because she had been working in the background negotiating for the ex-Borg. Obviously, not being in contact with the younger woman to let her know not to worry, was a critical mistake if she was considering marriage to evade their suspicion. 

“Oh,” Kathryn mumbled, withdrawing her hand as if the contact had physically burned her flesh. “I was not informed.” So many thoughts were swirling through Kathryn’s head at the same moment. She should have reached out to Seven sooner, to inform her that she was working in the shadows to ensure Seven’s safety.

“I debated for a long time,” Seven started. “I did not wish to become one of his possessions, the idea was… unpleasant. He assured me that he would have ended up asking me to marry him in the future anyway, and that the parameters of our relationship did not need to change immediately, but…”

“I was negotiating in the background the whole time, Seven,” Kathryn interrupted, tone betraying a touch of the hurt she was feeling. “That is why my own debriefings took as long as they did. When I had sent you that first message, my own had just finished. I had to make sure that we were both cleared. I… I shouldn’t have waited though. I am so sorry that you felt that you couldn’t rely on me,” Kathryn dropped her head into her hands, despair threatening to swallow her whole. 

Kathryn felt Seven pull her hand away from her face, and gave it a firm squeeze to draw her attention, before continuing. “I should not have doubted you, Captain,” she said, moving to stand.

With their heights now reversed, Kathryn was glancing up toward the blonde, and her breath caught in her throat at the sight. Is it possible that Seven left Chakotay because she had feelings for me? The thought seemed incredibly loud in her mind, yet she couldn’t ignore the magnetic pull between them that seemed to validate her feelings.

“I was not ready for the type of relationship that Chakotay was proposing. We had only been courting for a short while before reaching Earth, and I do not believe the relationship would have lasted much longer anyway…” Seven replied softly. 

“Why not?” Kathryn heard herself ask, with eyes searching the deepest blue she had ever come across.

“I had come to realize that copulation was not the reason that humans enter into relationships. According to Chakotay, one should feel intense emotional and sexual attraction to the other, of which, I had felt neither,” Seven stated coolly.

Kathryn held her breath for a moment, unsure if this would be the moment that she would be able to confess her feelings for the younger woman.

“Moving forward with this information, I realized that there was no logical prospect on Earth, and that I should seek asylum elsewhere,” Seven finished.

Kathryn felt nauseous all at once, and took a step backward from the younger woman, command mask sliding down just enough to shield her from the pain of Seven’s statement. No logical prospect on Earth… Shit. I was wrong , she thought. The older version of Seven, while not overly emotional, definitely was easier to read than the younger woman in front of her. She blinked twice to bring herself back into the conversation.

“Maybe you weren’t ready. You have come a long way in exploring your individuality, and emotions, but there is still more for you to learn. Especially when it comes to navigating the full range of human emotions,” she offered with more enthusiasm than she actually felt. “Many people do not marry the first person that they enter into a relationship with, Seven. It is a normal part of development. ‘ There are plenty of fish in the sea ,’ is a common saying on Earth, meaning that you may not find your ‘mate’ on the first try, however, you may find someone else you are more compatible with in the future.” 

Kathryn made sure to give Seven’s upper arm a gentle squeeze, before taking her former place at the ops station. Looking away from the blonde had been torture, but she had to put enough distance between them that Seven wouldn’t be able to tell how much she was hurting in that moment.

“Perhaps,” Seven replied, obviously studying Kathryn carefully.

The redhead hoped Seven would be unable to fully glean just how heartbroken she had felt. Maybe one day Seven would come to have feelings for her, but it was obvious that at this point, she did not. She decided that she would give as much time as the younger woman required, and that she would remain steadfast in her convictions to still help her learn about humanity.

“Shall we?” Kathryn offered, trying to get the other woman’s attention away from her for a while.

“Indeed.”

Kathryn was having the most beautiful dream. The kind where she knew that she was dreaming, but willed the thought away before it would wake her fully. 

Seven had been hunched over on the edge of the water pointing out the marine life she was witnessing, and telling Kathryn about their life cycles, and mating practices. Her long blonde hair was down, in chaotic curls that had obviously been left to air dry carelessly. Soft pale flesh and implants alike, were glistening in the sunlight like a perfect blend of textures that Kathryn longed to touch. 

Everything was perfect. Just being able to have a moment together that seemed so mundane and peaceful, while listening to Seven ramble on about marine life, was an answered prayer at just the right moment. She would give anything to stay right where she was.

“Kathryn?” Seven called.

“Yes, darling?” she asked, smiling to herself at how easily the term of endearment fell from her, and how right it felt to use it.

Blue eyes met grey, and it felt like the world was falling away from her all at once. She was falling in love.

“Kathryn, you need to wake up,” the blonde replied, smiling.

Not quite grasping the meaning of the words the younger woman had just uttered, Kathryn smiled lovingly at Seven, giving her a quizzical glance. Her words and facial expressions did not match, and it confused the redhead.

“Kathryn! You need to wake up!” Seven shouted, this time succeeding in getting her attention.

“I don’t…” she started, but was interrupted by a pounding headache. She winced and dropped to her knees, hands massaging her temples. “Darling, I don’t want to leave you,” she cried.

“Go! Now!” the younger woman urged.

Kathryn hesitantly opened her eyes, noting a tear falling from her left eye. The contrast from the beautiful dream to her current reality was so jarring, all she could do was blink a few times to try to piece together what had happened.

Klaxons were blaring, the noise and flashing red lights causing the throbbing headache to intensify as her awareness was brought to them. Seven! She was with Seven. Beyond that fact, she had little to no recollection of where they were, or what had happened to the shuttle they were in, she knew that she had to check on Seven. 

Her eyes lazily glanced to her left, moving much slower than she had commanded, and then she saw her ex-Astrometrics officer slumped over the helm controls. Despite her best efforts, she was unable to move, and upon further investigation, she noted a large wound in her abdomen. Her throbbing head making her reflexes slower than she wished, led her to believe that she must have hit her head in the crash.

Using only sheer force of will, the Captain stood, and made her way to the younger woman to check her vitals. Panic arose when she realized how fragile they were, which thankfully kicked her brain into gear. Seven had been badly damaged in the crash, and she needed to find a way to save her. She kept calling to the woman, praying that she would wake up and this would all just be an awful dream. She had her fair share of nightmares, but this one, she would have probably ranked among the worst of them.

The longer she worked on Seven, the more she grew convinced that this was in fact reality, and that thought terrified her. When Seven opened her eyes, she sprang forward, gently tapping the younger woman’s face trying to get her attention. It was futile though, and the blonde once again slipped into unconsciousness. She was no longer the calm, cool and collected Captain. She was a frantic and frightened woman, who didn’t know how to save the love of her life. It was impossible to remain impartial. 

When she yelled out for Seven, she did not recognize her own voice. She had basic medical training, just as everyone who went through command training had, but Seven’s injuries almost seemed beyond her scope. She rested her forehead against Seven’s, pleading with her to wake up for a long time. When that didn’t work, she got back to work, summoning the command mask once again that had never failed her in the Delta Quadrant. 

She had work to do.

“Fuck!” Janeway uncharacteristically cursed loudly, slamming her fist into the console that was shooting sparks in her direction.

She took a deep breath, and ran her fingers through her hair, more out of habit than out of actual need. She had been trying to get some of the shuttle's systems back online long enough to replicate the equipment needed, to no avail. Every time she thought she had the problem solved, the system would short circuit again. Her engineering skills were not lacking, not by a long shot, but her ego was definitely bruised that she was unable to get even the replicator running long enough to make objects larger than her hand.

Kathryn knew that Seven would have been able to complete the task by now if she were conscious, and the thought caused her eyes to look toward the younger woman for the umpteenth time that day. It had been touch and go for the first twenty-four hours. Seven kept trying to succumb to her injuries, but out of sheer stubbornness and luck, Janeway was able to stabilize her. That was three days prior, and Kathryn was sick with worry as the blonde still had not woken up.

Kathryn lowered herself to the panel once more with a sigh, to replace the circuit relays that had blown. She was silently grateful that the pair had been in the shuttlecraft that Deanna had procured for her journey when they were attacked. If they had been in the assimilated Delta Flyer that Seven had stolen from Starfleet, they would have been in a world of hurt. At least she knew the ins-and-outs of familiar technology, rather than spending precious time trying to crack Borg encryption. 

Once the relays were replaced, she stood in front of the replicator once more, raising an eyebrow in a silent challenge for it to defy her.

“Alright, let's try this one more time,” she said, an idea striking her. “Nanoprobe Hypospray Seven-Alpha-Seven.” 

Technically, it would fit the size limit she had theorized about... It seemed that the relays would short circuit faster the larger the item was, but she was unsure if that also included complexity of the object as well. Another wall of sparks spat toward her, but this time, the computer chirped, and produced the item. Kathryn cautiously picked it up, and noted that it was significantly lighter than she had remembered from her times helping the Doctor in Sick Bay. 

“Hopefully there is enough in here to help,” she sighed, making her way toward Seven cautiously through the rubble. 

She took a moment to glance at the woman she held deep feelings for. She was able to repair most of the damage to her face, and in that moment, she was almost able to pretend that Seven was just sleeping. She kneeled beside the blonde, pushing a stray lock of hair from her face before pressing the hypospray into her neck gently. The resulting hiss lacked its usual volume, but was still audible. Hopefully it would be sufficient in repairing some of the internal damage that she was unable to treat herself.

Without thinking, she brushed her thumb over Seven’s ocular implant, searching for any sign that the nanoprobes were doing their job. Realizing the hypospray was not the immediate fix she was hoping it would be, Kathryn’s eyes began to collect moisture.

“I am so sorry, Seven. This is all my fault.” she whispered, choking on her emotions that were threatening to overtake her. “I am going to fix this… I promise.”

After a few more moments of studying Seven’s features, the air in the room began to seem entirely too thick, and Kathryn was unable to catch her breath. She quickly climbed over, and under the obstacles to make her way out of the shuttlecraft before the walls had a chance to close in on her. The fresh air, and open field helped calm her nerves momentarily, and she inhaled sharply for a few minutes. She didn’t know how she would keep her promise to the unconscious Seven, but she knew that she would die trying. 

The planet did not lack beauty, but Kathryn had been too overwhelmed and anxious in the previous days to take in the view. She took a few cautious steps through the knee-high grass, trying to take stock of her surroundings. About half a kilometer away from the wreck, was a thick forest. She wondered where the Delta Flyer ended up, and decided that was a problem for another day. She would definitely need to try to salvage what she could from the other vessel if it was nearby. 

Her heart had slowed enough to check the subspace transceivers to ensure that they were functioning still. They really only sent a signal within a few lightyears, but if there was any hope of getting help, she had to try. Having her mind occupied once more with a task, further helped to calm her nerves. There was a growing list of things to do, or try to fix, and she was learning that cycling between tasks when she would grow frustrated with one, was helpful to keep her productivity high. 

Darkness was coming, and she decided to head back to the shuttlecraft. She did not have any way to get information on what kind of species may call the planet home, and she did not want to find out the hard way if they were hostile or not. They were lucky enough to have crash landed on an M class planet, but she did not want to make any assumptions. She needed to take care of herself to some degree in order to care for Seven. 

Her stomach growled loudly, and she realized she had not ingested any food in a good day or two. The days had already begun to blend together between working on systems, or Seven. She decided that it was time to take a rest. Her current pace was entirely unsustainable. 

She quietly ate a ration pack sitting on the floor beside where Seven lay, still looking for any sign that her condition was improving. Eventually, she drifted to sleep with her head resting on the makeshift bed.

Chapter Text

Kathryn stirred awake slowly from a dreamless sleep; the one positive thing that had happened to her since they crash landed on this godforsaken planet. For a brief moment, she didn’t know where she was, or how long she had been out for. The pure overexertion and stress of the previous days, coupled with a few hours of inactivity during her rest caused her muscles to protest when she tried to move. Glancing up, she noticed cerulean eyes looking back at her.

“Seven!” Kathryn gasped, leaping forward to run her hands over the blonde’s porcelain face, relief crashing over her like a tidal wave. 

The younger woman winced in pain, and tried to speak, but was unable to make a sound.

“Let me get you some water!” Janeway blurted, clumsily battling through the wreckage to get to the liquid, and back to Seven’s side as quickly as possible. 

“Here,” she said, lifting the blonde’s head gently, and pouring a small amount of water into her mouth. It took everything in her to not become undone watching a few drops fall from the corners of Seven’s mouth, making their way along her strong jaw. She had to remind herself of the situation they were in. 

“Wh-what happened?” Seven asked hoarsely. 

“We were attacked, you tried to land us as gently as you could, there was just too much damage.”

Seven made a move to try to sit upright, and gasped in pain at the movement, clutching her side. 

“Take it easy there, Seven,” Janeway demanded. “You’ve been through quite the ordeal. You… You almost didn’t make it,” she hesitated.

Seven raised her ocular implant at the news. “That hasn’t stopped me before, Captain. It is unlikely to do so now.”

Kathryn had to stifle a smile. She can’t be too damaged. At least she is acting like herself , she thought.

“What is the status of this vessel?” Seven inquired, with a more clipped tone than usual; obviously from pain. “Where is the Delta Flyer?”

“I haven’t been able to locate the Flyer yet. The sensors have been offline, and my main priority was getting you… stable,” she finished, almost a little ashamed at how little progress had been made in the few days Seven had been unconscious.

“Very well,” Seven began. “We should start working on getting systems back online. I will assist,” she said, standing abruptly and slightly swaying. 

“Would pulling rank make you take it easy?” Janeway questioned hopefully.

Seven raised her ocular implant defiantly, and stepped around the redhead. 

“Not a chance,” she said, looking over her shoulder at the older woman.

Kathryn was almost taken aback by the sentence that didn’t match with the woman she had known for the last three years. Sure, she was as stubborn and insubordinate as ever, but she almost seemed… Playful? The moment threw her through such a loop that by the time she had realized she should further protest, Seven was already clearing rubble from the helm. Shaking her head, she got to work alongside the woman. 

After an hour of trying to get the sensors functional again, Kathryn noticed a slump in Seven’s posture. She walked over to the younger woman, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Why don’t you take a break, Seven?”

“Shortly,” the woman replied, rapidly typing in a few more commands into the console. 

The computer chirped once, then sparks flew once more, which didn’t surprise Kathryn in the slightest. It was so second nature to dodge the sparks, that it almost felt monotonous.

“The Delta Flyer is 9.6 kilometers North-East of our current location,” Seven stated. “The technology in this vessel will fail despite our best efforts within fourteen hours.”

“You saw the location of the Flyer?” Kathryn asked, amazement flooding her voice. “The sensor almost immediately died! I have been trying for days to get it working!”

“I have a cortical node and an eidetic memory. I only needed to see the display for a fraction of a millisecond,” the younger woman replied. “We should work together to replicate as many items as possible. We do not know the condition of the Delta Flyer, however it appeared to be by a body of water.”

Kathryn gulped. She knew that the replicators had been a nightmare, and with only fourteen hours, they would need to be smart about what they tried to request. Even with Seven’s help, it would still be a race against time to get the necessities, especially with the size constraints.

“The size and complexity of the items have been short circuiting the replicators... Maybe if we stick to the ancient basics, we might have better luck?” Kathryn asked.

“Perhaps,” Seven replied, hesitation evident. “You make the requests, I will focus on the technology,” Seven added, jamming her assimilation tubules into the control panel.

“Must we assimilate every ship?” Kathryn asked, rolling her eyes, and threw her hands into the air. 

“Time is of the essence, Captain,” Seven reminded. “Get to work.”

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose to hide a small smile. It was good to be back in Seven’s company, even if the younger woman did seem a little more demanding than usual.

Just as Seven predicted, almost fourteen hours to the second later, power failed on the shuttlecraft. While it was a devastating loss, the pair were able to replicate enough items that Kathryn felt confident they would be in such a situation that they should be able to survive for quite a while. They decided to spend the evening inside, and head out at daybreak. Seven was still not in peak form despite her protests, and they had a lot of supplies to move. Waiting was indeed for the best.

Settling in for the night, Kathryn had a thought. 

“Seven, are you going to be ok if your regenerator isn’t working? What happens if the Flyer is in worse shape than this one?”

Seven, who was setting up a place to sleep for the evening, stopped her movements and looked at the redhead. “It will be harder for me to recover from damage, however, I am now accustomed to sleep. Even if it is… inefficient.”

Kathryn chuckled softly. Of course, Seven would have to make a jab at the human way of rest. The thought of how she became accustomed to sleep twisted her stomach. 

“Well, I guess for once, you will have to take a back seat when I tell you to then,” Kathryn quipped, trying to make a lighthearted change of gears from her previous thoughts.

The corner of Seven’s mouth quirked upward for a brief moment. “We will see,” she replied, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

The pair settled in for the evening, trying to get as much rest as possible before their hike through unknown territory. Kathryn knew that Seven was in more pain than she was letting on, and worried about whether or not her portable regenerator would be functional when they found the shuttlecraft. As relieved as she was that Seven was vertical again, she did not want a repeat of the previous few days.

She stole a glance toward the younger woman, who appeared to already be asleep. Kathryn let her gaze linger for far longer than what would be considered appropriate if it were anyone but Seven. Hell, even if it is Seven , she thought. Her hair was still in the perfect waves that had become her new signature style, in a tank top that was showing off the once hidden implants. Kathryn did not allow herself to bring her full attention to them while they were on their way back to the Alpha Quadrant, and she most certainly didn’t have time while the younger woman was unconscious. She was beautiful. Far more so than she remembered from her time with the older Seven. 

“Go to sleep, Captain. I am fine,” Seven said, playful tone back once more.

Kathryn, shocked by being caught staring,  rolled onto her back immediately, and threw an arm over her eyes.

“I am just worried about you,” she whispered. She would rather the younger woman think her staring was out of fear than admiration, but the worry did creep in the moment her awareness was brought to it. 

“I thought I was going to lose you,” she admitted, taking a deep breath. She forced her eyes closed further despite them being hidden, to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. She heard a shuffling noise, but didn’t dare move the arm that was shielding her vision.

“One thing I have learned through the last three years, is that you never give up, Captain,” Seven whispered, placing a hand on Kathryn’s bare shoulder. 

“You are the most resilient individual I have encountered, and if I would have succumbed to my injuries, I know that you would have carried on, and found a way out of here,” she added.

Kathryn moved her arm from her face upon hearing that, and propped herself up on one elbow to be at eye level with the younger woman. 

“If you wouldn’t have made it, Seven, I would have given up entirely,” she confessed. “Your safety and happiness means everything to me. I… I would not have recovered.”

Seven looked a little astonished at Kathryn’s confession, and searched the redhead’s eyes.

“You would have recovered. If something happens to me, you will carry on,” Seven firmly demanded. “You have family and friends on Earth. They would not forgive me if you were not to return because you chased me to another quadrant.”

Kathryn interlaced her fingers with Seven’s hoping to translate the depth of her feelings.

“Seven. There is no going back to Earth without you,” she said with a tear rolling down a cheek. “Yes, I have family and friends on Earth, but I would live a life full of regret if I returned without you.”

Seven looked almost skeptical, and glanced down toward their entwined fingers, and with a free hand wiped the redhead’s tears.  

“You will adapt,” she demanded so forcefully, it was almost as if she was willing it into existence.

At the blonde’s words, she couldn’t stop her own movements. She sat upright fully, and placed her free hand on Seven’s cheek, running her thumb along the prominent cheekbone she found there. 

“I will not,” she said when their eyes met. “I know that it is classified, and the temporal prime directive would apply, but I think you need to understand that when I say this, I mean it. When Admiral Janeway came to Voyager and helped us get home, we had a conversation. She told me what happened in her timeline, and why it was imperative that I stopped being so stubborn…” 

Seven looked quizzically at the older woman, and lifted her chin slightly, wordlessly urging her to continue.

“In the Admiral’s timeline, you were injured on an away mission. You later died in Sick Bay, and I… the Admiral had lived with the pain of losing you for decades. That is why she was adamant on getting Voyager back to Earth sooner,” Kathryn confided. “That is how I know how crippling of a loss it would be… I have seen that future, and what it does to me, and I heeded its warning.”

Seven softly smiled. 

“That explains a lot,” she said.

This time it was Kathryn’s turn to look confused.

“Admiral Janeway always looked at me like she had seen a ghost. She also tried to convince me to get you to use the Borg Transwarp Hub. When I refused, she hinted that I may perish.”

“The gall of that woman!” Kathryn scoffed. “She had a twisted sense of morality when it came to ensuring Voyager got home.”

“I had a feeling there was something unresolved between us… Me and the Admiral I mean, and that in the future she was living with regret…” 

Seven seemed to hesitate, which made Kathryn nervous that there was more to the story than Seven was letting on. 

“Did something happen, Seven?” she asked, trying to contain rage directed toward a woman who was long gone. 

“She confessed that she had feelings for me…” Seven began.

Kathryn gripped the hand she was holding a little too tightly.

“I’ll kill her…” Kathryn spat, looking toward the consoles trying to find a way to go back into time to carry out her impulses. At that moment, she didn’t dare to make eye contact with the younger woman in fear that she would be able to read that it was not just the Admiral that had regrets and unresolved feelings.

“The Borg Queen already saw to that Kathryn,” Seven interrupted. “I am not finished. She told me that she had only realized the depth of her feelings after ‘unfortunate circumstances that kept us apart’... During our last conversation, before she went to complete her mission, I kissed her.”

Dumfounded, Kathryn’s head snapped toward Seven’s at the revelation.

“You, what?” she squeaked, dropping the younger woman’s hand.

Seven leaned impossibly closer, almost as if distance was the reason for the misunderstanding, and whispered, “I kissed her.”

Kathryn gulped at the proximity, and tone of Seven’s voice. “Wh-why did you, uh,” she stammered, then cleared her throat. “Why did you do that?”

The corner of Seven’s mouth quirked upward for the briefest of moments.

“For luck on her mission,” the younger woman replied.

Kathryn was hyperaware of the younger woman’s breath on her lips, and could almost feel her own pupils dilate.

“Well…” Kathryn squeaked, “That was…”

“Nice of me?” Seven finished.

Lifetimes passed before Kathryn found her voice once more.

“Yes,” she settled on.

“Goodnight Kathryn,” Seven whispered, shifting even closer to the older woman.

For a moment Kathryn thought that Seven was about to kiss her. Her eyes involuntarily fluttered shut at the movement, but before she knew what was happening, Seven was across the room and back into her own bed.

Kathryn released the breath she had been holding quietly. What in the world was happening? Seven had been unconscious last night at this time, and now she was… flirting? Was she even flirting? What was that?  She had so many questions. She stole another forbidden glance toward the blonde who appeared to be sleeping peacefully already, before rolling over to face the wall.

She softly touched her lips remembering the feeling of Seven’s breath so close on them, trying to commit the feeling to memory. It had been so long since she had been so close to a version of Seven, that she had almost forgotten how electric their energy was. 

“Goodnight, Seven,” Kathryn whispered into the darkness.

At first light Seven was already packing and logging their items. Kathryn was a little more slow moving due to running herself ragged, but when she finally got up, she hopped right into step with Seven, totally ignoring the protests her muscles were screaming at her. The night before, they were able to craft large backpacks and belts, but watching Seven play Tetris with their items made it clear that more than one trip would be needed. 

“We should prioritize what we will need for a first trip. I can always come back on my own when I get you settled, to get the remainder,” Kathryn informed.

Seven sighed, staring at the pile of equipment.

“You are correct. Not being able to replicate a large enough way to carry the items was foolish.”

Kathryn moved to stand in front of Seven. 

“It was a necessity. We don’t know what condition the Delta Flyer will be in, and if we will have access to things we need. With the ability to replicate items failing here, it was better to be over prepared,” Kathryn explained.

“You have a point,” Seven replied. “What items do you think we should take first?”

Kathryn for a moment was shocked by Seven’s looser speech, and the fact that she said that she was asking for Kathryn’s opinion on which survival items would be best to bring at first. She tried not to let her surprise show.

“We should prioritize fire, shelter, food, water, and some medical supplies” Kathryn stated. “The forest looks rather thick, so I am thinking it might be useful to craft the axe head onto a handle in case we need it. We should definitely bring two of the ferro rods, the thermal clothes, food, water, tricorders and phasers. The last two won’t hold their charge forever but it is better to be prepared in case we need them.”

Seven nodded absentmindedly, obviously lost in thought.

“Hey, it is going to be ok,” Kathryn said, gently squeezing Seven’s arm. “I know that this is kind of out of your element, not having access to top of the line twenty-fourth century technology, but I am kind of a pro at this,” she said, smiling at her own joke. 

“My father used to take us on camping trips in remote places on Earth a lot, and we would ‘rough it’ for weeks at a time. Don’t worry… I am confident that this will be a good move for us.”

Seven locked eyes with her Captain, visibly shaken, but seemingly determined to shake it off. She nodded once, and began packing the items that Janeway had stated; of course, in the most efficient way possible.

Kathryn went outside, and looked for a branch thick enough that would work for an axe handle. After searching for a while, she was able to locate one, and carved it with a simple knife well enough that she was able to pound the axe head into it. It was crude, but would work for the time being. She could always refine the craftsmanship when she had some downtime. Who knows how long we will be out here before rescue comes . She quickly banished the thought, and made her way back to the damaged shuttlecraft.

Seven had her back to the entrance, and was struggling to put on the makeshift backpack. She looked like she was in a lot of pain trying to twist her arm behind her on the side that had the previously perforated lung. Kathryn quickly moved to assist the younger woman, and her face hardened at feeling the weight of the pack.

“Seven, this is too much for you to carry. You are still injured.”

“I am fine, Captain,” the woman snapped.

“Let me take at least some of this out, and I can come back for it in one or two more trips. Easy peasy,” Kathryn offered kindly, hoping her lighthearted tone would convince the woman.

She did not take Seven’s tone to heart. She knew from years of experience that Seven, like her, was terrible at following Doctor’s orders, and always pushed herself too hard.

When the strap of the backpack was finally in place, Seven staggered a bit from the weight, and finally conceded. 

“Human’s natural healing abilities are bullshit,” Seven spat.

Kathryn, caught off guard, couldn't hold back the chuckle.

“You’ve got that right!” Janeway admitted, while digging through the pack, throwing some lesser needed items into a pile on the floor. 

“How’s that?” Kathryn asked.

“Better,” Seven reluctantly admitted.

“Okay!” Kathryn exclaimed, throwing her own pack over her arm. “I will just take one final look over everything, then we can head out.”

She added a belt that had various pockets with various survival items, and medical supplies, before looking back toward the blonde.

“You ready?” Kathryn asked.

“As I will ever be,” Seven replied coolly.

“Lead the way,” Kathryn said, with a small bow, and extended arm.

Seven rolled her eyes at the display. “This way,” she pointed, then headed toward the thick forest line. 

Chapter Text

Kathryn was incredibly grateful she had taken the time to get the axe functional before they left. The forest was incredibly dense with vast forms of vegetation, and Seven wasn’t exactly stable on her feet; not that the blonde would ever admit to that of course. There were quite a few times that they had to pause so she could help Seven get around an obstacle, or hack through some thick vegetation using the axe in place of a machete. Progress was slow, and she was not displeased with that. She absolutely did not want Seven overdoing it on their hike to the Delta Flyer, or worse, injuring herself again. 

She tasked Seven to scan the environment with one of the tricorders for anything that could be of use to them, while she took on the more manual work. It had grown warmer as the day had dragged on, and Janeway had worked up quite a sweat. The leather jacket wasn’t helping at first, however, it did offer some level of protection from the branches that would snap back at her. After the first hour, she clumsily took off the jacket, and threw it into her pack, exposing the black tank top she had on underneath. The relief was immense, and she couldn’t help but to sigh at the sensation of being freed from the unbreathing material. 

Her hair had become fairly plastered to her head, so she threw it up in a lazy ponytail to also free herself of the extra sensation. She felt Seven’s eyes on her, but didn’t bring her attention to it. She was still reeling from their interaction the night before, and what it could possibly mean. Instead of continuing to spiral, she pulled out a bottle of water and took a hearty swig, wiping the few droplets that escaped her mouth with the back of her hand. After another sip, she fully faced the younger woman, and offered her the bottle.

“You should keep hydrated,” she stated when Seven looked like she was about to decline the offer. “It is warm, and you have not regenerated. Your human systems still require liquid and food. Dehydration can be a very dangerous thing in survival situations,” she said, holding out the bottle a little more adamantly. 

Seven hesitantly took the bottle, and took a cautious sip.

“I’m sorry, I guess I should have offered you your own bottle,” Janeway thought aloud.

Seven seemed to ponder that for a moment, and replied, “Sharing resources is valuable in survival situations is it not?”

 “Yes, of course, I just meant that I am sure you would have preferred your own bottle of water instead of sharing one, Seven. A lot of people don’t enjoy drinking after someone else.”

“With most people, I would have requested my own bottle, but with you, I do not mind,” she replied, taking a larger and more bold sip, maintaining eye contact as if to prove her point. 

Kathryn visibly gulped. She knew that the statement did not necessarily mean anything more than what she said on the surface, but there was a tug in her mind asking, what if?  

“Would… Would you like to stop to take a rest now?” Janeway inquired, trying to dodge the tension she could have possibly imagined.

“I can continue. We are almost halfway there.”

Kathryn gave her a really good look over to make sure that Seven didn’t need to rest. The sooner they got to the Flyer the sooner they could find her portable regenerator, and get her back to feeling better. 

“Okay,” she replied. “But let me know if you would like to stop. I mean it… Don’t be a hero.”

Seven nodded once, and began scanning again, and picked a few leaves from a strange looking plant, and put them into one of the pockets on her belt.

Kathryn ran one hand over her hair to smooth the fly aways from her ponytail, then grabbed the axe, and got back to work. The removal of the jacket had definitely helped her to not feel like she was suffocating, but she was still working up a sweat. They had been lucky in the sense that the terrain had been fairly flat, and she hoped their luck would continue. Now, if only the brush would magically disappear , she thought. 

Each swing of the axe had her muscles tensing, and beading with sweat, and all of a sudden, she felt eyes on her from a distance. She glanced toward the other woman who held the tricorder in her left hand, the sensor in her right, pointed toward a plant, but the focus was entirely on herself, not the readings. As soon as they made eye contact, Seven went back to scanning, and Kathryn to chopping. 

On occasion though, she would feel Seven’s gaze back on her. After the conversation from the night before, Kathryn decided to put on a little show for payback. Not enough to be obvious, but she made sure to really show off how well she could handle an axe. On occasion, she wiped sweat from her brow in a more sensual way than she normally would have, trailing her hand across her forehead, down her cheek and neck, and across her collar bones. At one point, she thought she heard a whimper, but she definitely could have imagined that. 

It was nice to get lost in a moment that wasn't complete chaos for once. Even if the banter and flirting was imagined, it did make the time pass more quickly, and for that she was grateful. A bit more wind was starting to come through the trees, which led Kathryn to believe they were getting closer to a break in the forest. She just hoped there wasn’t a cliff or something to complicate their passage.

Almost sensing Janeway’s nerves, Seven spoke. “The river and shuttle should just be ahead. About half a kilometer to go.”

“Thanks,” the redhead replied, resting the axe on her shoulder. “When we get to the shuttle, let me head in first to make sure everything is safe.”

“I am not fragile, Captain,” Seven retorted. “I am capable of handling whatever situation may arise.” She stood a little taller, and raised her ocular implant almost in a silent dare to challenge her on this.

“I am not saying that you are Seven,” Janeway started. “It would be irresponsible to put both of us into a potentially dangerous situation,” she said, moving the axe from her shoulder, now holding the handle loosely, and letting the head hit the ground gently. 

“I can handle the risk. I will be the one to go into the shuttle then,” she countered.

“No,” Janeway said a little more sharply than she intended. “That is not a risk I am willing to take.”

“But leaving me on Earth for months alone was?” Seven spat.

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose. “Seven, I have already explained my situation, and apologized…” now dropping the axe and stepping closer to the blonde. “Thinking I would not be able to find you after I found out you had left was torture. Not knowing if you would wake up after the accident was torture. I… I can’t go through that again,” she confessed with a tear sliding down a dirty cheek, leaving a clear streak in its path. 

Seven crossed her arms in front of her body, and seemed to debate for a moment.

“You will not leave me out. I will wait to ensure the structural integrity is sufficient, then I will enter. You do not know Borg algorithms well enough to work on the systems alone,” Seven informed.

“I think I know a little more than you give me credit for,” Kathryn replied with a lopsided smile. “I found you after all…”

The corner of Seven’s mouth quirked upward slightly. “We shall see if your confidence lasts,” she challenged. “I may have taught you the basics, but you are still inefficient at Borg Encryption.”

Kathryn put her hand on her chest pretending to be injured from the verbal jab. “Hey, I brushed up on the way here! I think I can hold my own!” she teased.

“Really? So, you got my message then?” Seven questioned, stepping forward into Kathryn’s space.

Whether from the proximity, or shock that Seven had sent a message caused her voice to quiver, she was unsure. “I… I didn’t get a message from you…”

“Well,” Seven replied, stepping out of Kathryn’s personal bubble as quickly as she had appeared in it. “I guess you did not apply all of my lessons then,” turning her attention back to scanning.

What the fuck did I miss? Kathryn thought. I poured over every inch of data for days, I couldn’t have missed something.  

“What did your message say?” Kathryn asked, unable to hide her curiosity.

Seven looked over to the older woman. “I genuinely thought that you had gotten it… I guess you will find out when we get back to Earth,” she said, quickly turning her attention back to the bush with some sort of purple berries, almost looking a little… sad?

Shit! What did I miss? Kathryn wondered, noting Seven’s disappointment. She hoped that the Delta Flyer was in decent condition so that she could find the answers she had previously overlooked.

With a renewed vigor, Janeway got back to work without the dramatics of trying to show off. She needed to get to the Flyer and hopefully get the answers she sought. She needed to know why Seven’s demeanor had changed so dramatically knowing that she had not gotten her message. 

As the brush started to clear a bit, Kathryn heard the sounds of the river. The beads of sweat were dripping down her body from the exertion, and she looked forward to rinsing off in the body of water when they were settled. She was absolutely filthy. 

When they made their way onto the rocky bank, both of their expressions fell. The Delta Flyer looked worse off than the one they had just left. The whole roof had been peeled back from what looked like rolling a few times on the rocks. The damage to the outer hull was immense. 

“Stay here,” Kathryn demanded. 

Seven didn’t protest, and whether it was due to shock, or agreement, Kathryn wasn’t sure but was grateful. The uneven bank was difficult to cross, and required careful footing, and attention. She slipped on the rocks a few times, almost rolling an ankle, but was able to steady herself without injury each time.The closer she got, the more damage was being revealed, and her stomach dropped with each step. 

By the time she had gotten to the shuttlecraft, she did not have much hope that this would be the saving grace she had wanted. Looking inside, the whole roof was peeled back like a tin can. Sparks were flying, which meant that there was power, but for how long, she couldn’t tell. The interior was relatively safe so to speak, so she popped her head out of the door, and motioned that Seven could join. She quickly typed in the now familiar commands to run a system scan, and shut down non essential systems like life support… We obviously don’t need that with an open roof, she thought. 

By the time the scan started, Seven appeared in the shuttlecraft and began looking around at the wreckage. 

“There is still power?” she asked.

“Somehow, yes,” Janeway replied. “I am running a system scan. Hopefully it is better than it looks.”

“Indeed,” the younger woman replied, walking over to the back of the vessel, then opening one of the cargo containers. She pulled out her portable regenerator, and inspected it closely for damage.

Kathryn walked over to the younger woman to peer over her shoulder, and asked, “Is it damaged?”

“Slightly, but it should not greatly interfere with its performance. I am more concerned about how to recharge it if power also fails on this vessel,” Seven informed.

“The scans are taking longer than usual, but I have hope that we might be able to keep it going,” Kathryn replied, rubbing comforting circles onto Seven’s back. 

As if on cue, the computer made a pathetic chirp indicating that the scans were complete. Both women immediately made their way to check the readings.

“It’s not looking great,” Kathryn said, pinching the bridge of her nose to calm the headache that was starting to form.

“If we were to power off all systems while we try to make repairs, we may be able to conserve the available energy in the meantime,” Seven thought aloud. 

“Maybe, beforehand we should mass replicate some more supplies, in case the worst happens?” Kathryn inquired.

“It is a risk, none of the systems are stable at the moment, but I do agree that we have not had the best of ‘ luck ’ so far… Being prepared could prove beneficial. Perhaps there is a way that I can modify the portable regenerator to run on solar energy,” Seven pondered aloud. “It would be incredibly inefficient, but having the option may be a worthy pursuit.”

“It would be a great idea if we could utilize solar energy!” Kathryn exclaimed. “We could also try to find a way to be able to recharge the phasers and tricorders.”

Seven nodded once. “We should also replicate backup batteries. We should not waste any resources available to us.”

“I agree. We should get a list going of what we will require to repair the ship, to make the solar panels, and to adjust our equipment to the new energy source,” Kathryn said. “This may take some unconventional engineering… You up to the task?” she asked.

“Of course,” Seven said, raising her ocular implant, and stepping into Kathryn’s space. “The question is, can you keep up?”

Kathryn’s throat went dry at the proximity, and she audibly gulped before feigning a scoff. “I've been wearing science’s green since you were in your maturation chamber… I will be just fine,” she joked playfully. After a few moments of a teasing tension in the air, she added, “however, you are currently injured, so I will be focusing on shelter, and fire production for a while.”

Seven immediately glanced upward noting the lack of roof once more. “Agreed. I will begin replicating the items required if you would like to begin immediately.”

“Daylight lasts longer on this planet, so I still have time to make a temporary shelter, and get a fire going,” Kathryn said, not wanting to part from the younger woman yet.

“I will be fine. When I am finished, I will power down the shuttle and join you,” Seven offered quickly.

“Very well,” Janeway stated, taking a step back from the younger woman, and looking at her feet. “I will leave you to it then.”

After another moment of hesitation, Seven turned and started to get to work. Kathryn cast one final glance over her shoulder at the blonde who was rapidly typing into a padd, while moving closer to the replicator.

Stepping back outside onto the rocky bank, Janeway moved to straighten her hair, strictly out of habit, before remembering she had put it up into a ponytail. She dug through her pack for the brightly coloured ribbon so she could mark her path while surveying their immediate surroundings for an appropriate place for their camp with minor irritation. She wanted it close to the water and shuttlecraft, but she had a feeling that she would need to make a clearing due to how dense the brush was.

Carefully she stepped into the tree line using her red ribbon to indicate her path, and began surveying her surroundings, taking note of elevation with any flat areas, and keeping an eye out for trees above that looked like they were damaged, or dead. Her father explained the importance of keeping an eye out for “widow makers” as he would call them, and reminded Phoebe and herself that falling trees were extremely dangerous at any point, not just during storms. She smiled at the memory of her father taking her and Phoebe camping, and teaching her the skills that very well might save their lives. 

After about an hour of searching for the perfect place to set up camp, she took off her pack and belt, clumsily dropping them on the ground. The area would take a significant amount of work to prepare, however it met all of her criteria. She pulled out her trusty makeshift axe, and began clearing away a five meter diameter area. The exertion once again made her break out in a light sweat, and she remained conscious about how much water she was ingesting. She wouldn’t be of much use to Seven if she became ill from dehydration. 

Once the clearing was sufficient, she began typing a length of paracord between two trees. It would be tight quarters, and she hated assuming that Seven wouldn’t mind sharing a “tent” with her. Despite the days being longer on this planet, she also needed to get a fire going, boil water, and try to accumulate enough wood to keep the fire going throughout the long night. She had not encountered any wildlife to this point, but did notice a few trails, which led her to believe that they were not alone in calling the forest home for the time being. A fire could potentially frighten any predators away… she hoped.

Throwing a large tarp over the paracord, and pinning down the edges with tent pegs, was more difficult solo, but she managed to make it look decent for what it was. She wiped her brow before grabbing her ribbon once more to go looking for any fallen kindling and dry wood. She did not want to get lost, and despite taking longer to leave pieces of ribbon marking her path it did prove useful when she got turned around a few times.

When she got back to the camp, she threw her final armful of dry wood in a pile, and began inspecting the wood. Being on an alien planet had its disadvantages, but she thought she might be able to discern what would make for a good fire starter. After further inspection, she found a branch she thought would make a good feather stick. She quickly tossed it aside, and dug out a small pit for the fire a safe distance from where they were sleeping. 

The simplicity of her tasks kept her mind occupied enough that she was not dwelling on their current situation, or how to get back to the Alpha Quadrant. The work kept her busy, and her hands busy enough that she actually felt incredibly productive. It wasn’t much, but hopefully it would keep them safe for the time being. Seven was alive… That’s all that mattered. Kathryn grabbed the knife from her belt she had earlier abandoned, and began scraping thin shavings down the length of the branch she had set aside. 

Satisfied that the branch would catch a spark from her ferro rod, she decided to check on Seven, and collect some water from the river to be boiled, then run through the water filter they had replicated earlier. Technically, the filter should be enough, but Kathryn was a creature of habit and did not want to take any risks. She hastily emptied her pack into the tent for the time being, and put it and her belt back on. She would collect some of the river rocks for the firepit while she was down there. 

She followed her ribbons back to the shuttlecraft, grateful to be out of the dense forest. After being lost in the Delta Quadrant for seven years, she appreciated open spaces. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Seven struggling to tie down a tarp over the roof of the shuttle craft. At a borderline reckless speed, Kathryn made her way across the rocky bank to lend a hand to the younger woman.

“Seven, this could have waited until I returned… You are still injured!” Kathryn yelled when she was halfway to the vessel. 

Startled, Seven lost her hold for a moment, and almost fell, but regained composure in enough time to prevent such an event. 

“I was managing well thank you, I am almost finished,” Seven replied.

Dropping her pack and belt, Kathryn jumped the side of the vessel with a self-assuredness that was uniquely her own. She made quick work of the job, and gave Seven a crooked smile as she finished.

“You might have not needed help, but four hands are better than two,” Kathryn drawled, giving a little wink. “I have camp mostly set up. I… hope it is ok that we bunk together?” she asked shyly. 

“Conservation of our supplies is important in a survival situation, Kathryn. That includes energy as well as our resources,” the younger woman rationalized. Without warning, she jumped from the top of the shuttle to the ground, slightly wincing in pain. “I would like to show you the progress I have made,” she informed.

“Very well,” Kathryn replied, cautiously sliding down the side of the vessel, joining the blonde inside. 

There was a surprising amount of equipment in neat piles. Small solar panels, various wires, and parts, tools and batteries. Kathryn for a brief moment felt mildly self-conscious about what she was able to accomplish in the same timeframe. 

“Impressive…” Janeway whispered, taking a quick inventory. “How bad of a beating did procuring all of this cause for the systems?”

“I was… aggressive. We do not have a great track record. There is approximately eight percent function left,” Seven replied.

Kathryn whistled, then sucked in some air harshly. Hopefully we can multipurpose some of the batteries eventually to bring some life back into her,” patting the wall of the Flyer. 

“It is a definite possibility. I would like to bring some supplies back to camp to work for a while. Do you have room in your pack?” Seven inquired.

“I emptied it before I came… I need to collect a few river rocks for the fire pit, but I can definitely make sure we get anything you need to camp,” the redhead replied with a reassuring smile. “ I do want you to somewhat take it easy though. Does your portable regenerator have enough of a charge for you to use it?”

“Yes,” Seven replied quickly. “It has enough power for two full regenerations, but I believe I should be able to function within acceptable parameters with half of a regeneration cycle.”

Kathryn’s command mask slid down involuntarily. “Is that wise? With a full cycle, you may be back to optimal health. Your nanoprobes must be protesting.”

“We have the supplies to convert the power source to solar energy, but there is no guarantee that it will work, Kathryn. I should use the portable regenerator as sparingly as possible,” Seven countered.

Kathryn didn’t like it, but had to admit that there was logic to the younger woman’s plan. The thought of Seven not having access to her regenerator at all filled her with fear. She did not want to go through Seven being in danger again. Those were probably the worst moments of her life. 

“Okay,” she whispered, bringing her hand to her mouth, chewing a hangnail. Her anxiety was now on open display. 

“It will be okay, Kathryn.”

The redhead looked up to Seven’s reassuring gaze and nodded. “Okay. Let’s do it then. Make a pile of what you need brought back while I collect the rocks, then we can head to camp.”

Seven gave Kathryn’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, then they parted ways to complete their tasks. 

Kathryn decided to take off her boots, and stand in the water for a few moments. The water was cool, and shocked her out of her strong emotions. The pointed edges or the rocks digging into the tender flesh of her feet reminding her how precarious their situation was. She was acutely aware of how dirty she had gotten since the crash, and took a few moments to splash some water on her arms and face, giving them a quick rub down. 

She quickly returned her attention to finding the perfect sized rocks for their fire pit, and when she was satisfied with her haul, she returned to the Delta Flyer to collect Seven and her items. When she entered, Seven was putting her pack and belt back on, and Kathryn couldn’t help but to test the weight of the pack to make sure she wasn’t overdoing it again. Satisfied that Seven would be able to handle herself, Kathryn began carefully loading the items that were laid out for her.

“There are a lot of data padds here,” she observed.

“I require them,” Seven replied stiffly. “There is one that may be of interest to you eventually when you have some ‘downtime’,” she added.

Kathryn’s curiosity peaked. “Oh, really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Would it happen to do with a message that I never received?”

“You will receive it when the time is right,” Seven replied, turning her back on the redhead to head toward camp, effectively breaking Kathryn’s concentration. Her duties were far from over, and while she was desperate to know what the message contained, she knew that there would be time later, and that she should be focusing. 

She quickly filled her pot with river water, then led Seven toward their camp.

Chapter Text

Kathryn led Seven back to the camp following the trail of ribbon that she had used to find the perfect place.

“I was curious what the ribbon’s function would be, it is for primitive navigation?” Seven inquired.

Kathryn nodded. “There are trails throughout the forest here, but I don’t know what kind of species call this place home. I wanted to avoid them for now. The woods are so dense it is easy to get turned around,” she explained. “If you mark your path, you are less likely to get lost.”

“Impressive,” Seven replied genuinely. “While we have access to limited technology, not having a power source to charge them with an unknown way off the planet, using our resources sparsely would be efficient.”

“High praise,” Kathryn chuckled. 

When they arrived at the camp, self consciousness about the amount of progress she had made settled into her stomach once more. Seven had been able to replicate an impressive amount of equipment, and all she had been able to do was make a small clearing, throw a tarp over some rope and get some wood. 

“It’s not much, but we will be warm and dry,” Kathryn said, rubbing the back of her neck worriedly.

“It is more than I would have been able to accomplish in the timeframe,” Seven replied kindly.

Taking a closer look at Seven, she noticed that the blonde’s shoulders were starting to slump, and was more breathless than she should be for the slow walk back to camp. 

“Seven, are you alright? You look like you’re in pain,” Kathryn frowned slightly, worried that Seven had over done it. “We should get you hooked up to the regenerator right now!”

Seven began to unclip her utility belt, and tried to remove her pack, but started struggling to get her arm free on the side that had the broken ribs. 

“I will be fine with some rest for now,” Seven replied as Kathryn helped her take off the pack. “I will regenerate when we call it a night, I would like to further research the schematics for converting to solar energy.”

Kathryn bit her lip worriedly. There was still so much to be done, and thought she would feel less anxious if Seven was regenerating immediately but realized that she was no longer the blonde’s Captain, and could not bark orders and expect them to always be followed.

“Alright,” Kathryn whispered. “But you have to promise me that you will sit on that fallen tree over there, and not try to assist me.”

Seven nodded once in agreement, and began to drag her pack toward the conveniently fallen tree log.

“There is a hole in the ground,” Seven observed.

The redhead chuckled once more. “Yes, I am making  a small fire pit, I am unsure how flammable some of the vegetation is here. I wanted it to be as safe as possible so I am using rocks and putting it mostly underground to hopefully not burn the ‘house’ down.”

Seven glanced toward the tarp tent. “Yes, that would be a travesty, I know how much work you put into it.”

Kathryn did not detect any sarcasm in the statement, but let out a full belly laugh at it regardless, her previous self consciousness a distant memory. 

“It doesn’t look like much right now, but if we are going to be here for any great length of time I promise I will build you an actual shelter with walls and everything.”

“I will  hold you to that, Kathryn,” Seven said, and the redhead almost thought she saw a glint in Seven’s eyes before the blonde started rummaging through her pack.

With Seven’s attention elsewhere, Kathryn decided to unload Seven’s extra items into the tent for the time being so she could get to the river rocks at the bottom of the pack. Maybe a second shelter for the technology wouldn’t have been such a bad idea , she thought but quickly banished it thinking that Seven may have opted to occupy it.

She quickly assembled the rocks into a floor and wall for her fire pit, and collected her feather stick, ferro rod and enough kindling from her stack, that if it did catch she would be prepared. Kathryn mumbled under her breath, “Please let this work quickly.” Using the striker on the rod, produced bright sparks on her wood shavings. It took three full strikes, and some careful breath work, but the end result was a single glowing ember. Hands moving quickly, she nurtured the ember, and brought a small flame to life.

“Yes!” she yelled out of sheer excitement, placing the bundle into the pit, and adding some additional kindling to feed the flame enough to catch some of the larger pieces. 

Seven looked up at her with a bright smile, and Kathryn swelled with pride. It may not be a huge feat, but after their luck since their crash landing, it felt like a huge win. If she could keep a fire going, that would be one problem down, a million to go. When the fire was holding steady enough, Kathryn placed a longer skinny flat rock across that would balance a pot, but not suffocate the flames. 

“How does a hot meal sound, Seven?” she asked, unable to hide the hint of pride from her voice at her creation.

“Perfection,” the blonde replied with yet another smile, before going back to her padd.

Kathryn couldn’t help but to take a moment to admire Seven’s slightly furrowed brow, and her sheer concentration. It was always something she admired about the younger woman; her ability to focus on one single task so wholeheartedly that nothing else seemed to exist. For a moment, she wondered what it would feel like to have that level of concentration focused on her for more than the fleeting moments she had experienced previously with the younger woman.

Kathryn shook the thought from her head and went back to the tent to rummage through the ration packs. They didn’t have much in the way of hot meals, but she was absolutely famished from a day of hard manual labour. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes is, she thought. After sweating all day, she knew that she needed a meal that could handle what one would normally consider too much salt. She had been drinking a lot of water through the day, but increased hydration without increased sodium meant little would get absorbed which could be very dangerous with how much physically demanding work she still needed to do combined with the heat of the day. 

She boiled some water over the fire in her pot, which felt like it took a lifetime. While she had grown up in a traditionalist community she personally was used to replicators spitting out whatever she demanded immediately, and camping trips with her father had also been so long ago it almost felt like a distant memory. When the water was finished, she ran it through the filter, and used some to hydrate their meal. After barely eating since the landing, smelling even a horrible ration pack had her mouth watering.

When the food was ready she quickly added the generous portion of salt, and walked the pot and two spoons over to where Seven sat.

“Meatloaf a la Kathryn is ready M’lady,” Kathryn joked with a small bow. “Do you mind if I sit with you so we can share?”

Seven put the padd down, and nodded once eyeing the concoction hesitantly.

“Dig in,” Kathryn urged.

Seven straightened her posture, and Kathryn wondered if it was to will herself into remembering that taste was irrelevant as she used to say in her early days on Voyager. She knew that the blonde had been ingesting solid food for a while and that Seven had shown great promise in her culinary skills and exploring flavour combinations, but ration packs weren’t the most pleasant for anyone.

Seven took the offered spoon, and scooped a little of the meatloaf into her mouth. She crinkled her nose while swallowing carefully. “The texture is unpleasant, and you have over salted it,” she accused.

“Seven, all I did was add water… and salt. We need the extra electrolytes while we are trying to stay hydrated,” Kathryn explained. “The texture though, that’s not on me,” she said with another laugh.

“I will retrieve one of my nutritional supplements,” Seven said firmly. “ And I will take over the preparation of meals moving forward.”

Kathryn playfully shook her head at Seven’s stubbornness. “Options are kind of limited out here, darling. I don’t know that even you and your incredible skills could save ration packs.”

“We will see,” Seven replied, making her way to the tent. 

Kathryn glanced at the padd that was sitting on the log. Of course, all of the information was displayed in Borg symbols.

“Seven, you didn’t put all of the information in Borg code, did you?” she called toward the tent hopefully.

Seven popped her head out of the tent within seconds, and made her way back to the log.

“Of course I did,” she said, almost sounding offended.

“I know that I have some experience, but I don’t know that I will be able to decipher all of these,” Kathryn admitted. 

“How do you expect to improve if you don’t practise?” Seven replied. Raising an eyebrow she added, “Plus, you will need to improve if you expect to be able to translate my message.”

Kathryn sighed. Of course Seven would make the message challenging to decrypt, she wouldn’t have wanted anyone to be able to intercept a communication that was meant just for her. 

“You could just tell me what the message said so I am in the loop,” Kathryn suggested, nudging the blonde with her shoulder playfully.

“You will need to work for it with no assistance, Kathryn.” Seven said seriously. “I don’t know how you were able to find me without it, and now I am regretting sending it,” she confessed, glancing at her hands that were placed delicately in her lap.

 “I want to know what your message said, and I will do whatever it takes to receive it,” Kathryn said quietly, grabbing Seven’s Borg mesh hand. 

Seven glanced up at Kathryn, eyes filled with so many unspoken worries. “I do not wish for it to alter our friendship,” she said anxiously, pulling her eyebrows together which created a small line between them.

Kathryn wanted to smooth that line with her finger, and tell her everything but knew that it was not the time. 

“There is nothing in any message that could damage our relationship Seven.”

The blonde didn’t quite look convinced, but she did relax her eyebrows slightly. 

“Hey, trust me with this,” Kathryn urged, rubbing small circles along the cool metal implanted hand. “If we could make it through the early days of you being severed from the Collective, we can make it through anything.”

Seven’s mouth twitched upward.

“I was rather… difficult,” she admitted.

“You were a pain in my ass,” Kathryn chuckled. “But we made it through. You have become an integral part of my life, Seven. No matter what your message says, we will get through it. I promise.”

What Kathryn wasn’t sure they would get through, would be her rushing into confessing her feelings for the younger woman before she was ready. 

Seven seemed to debate Kathryn’s words for a few seconds, before reaching into her pocket on her deep green cargo pants, and handing her a padd.

“I trust you,” Seven murmured before standing abruptly. “I should begin my regeneration cycle,” she said, then began to make her way toward the tent. “Do not stay up too late, I will require your assistance tomorrow,” she added while glancing over her shoulder.

“I won’t,” Kathryn replied distractedly.

When Seven was no longer visible, Kathryn let out a large breath. This was it. The critical piece of information that was missing between them. She had in her hands the answers she had been seeking for months. While the padd itself was just a normal padd, Kathryn could almost feel the weight of its contents; of words left unsaid. 

The sun had begun to set, and she noticed a shift in the lighting. Despite the way her body ached, fatigue from their hike and her work that day, she had a strong urge to crack the mysteries of the message immediately. She tapped a few buttons, and remembered Seven saying that she didn’t know how Kathryn had found her if it wasn’t for her message. She had been so caught up in the knowledge that there was a message and wanting to know what it said, that she didn’t fully grasp much in that moment. She would have to tell Seven how she found her. She figured that Seven would have known since the conversations with Icheb were encrypted with only a date she would know. I will have to let her know in the morning , Janeway thought.

With that, she typed in the same passcode that overrode the video call logs, and let out a frustrated groan when it did not work on the padd. Of course this wouldn’t be easy, she thought, only this time she didn’t have Deanna there to jog her memory, and Seven had already expressed that she would not assist in any way. Scrolling a little further, she noticed some basic symbols that she definitely understood. Grabbing a stick, she quickly drew them in the dirt surrounding the fire pit looking for any correlation between them. They almost seemed… illogical?  

Kathryn adjusted and tightened her ponytail, almost as a way to signal she was meaning business. If she had her desktop monitor, hell, even old school paper and pencil, she was sure she could figure this out much quicker. The order of the symbols did not follow any of the conventional rules that Seven had taught her. Borg typically was more of a mathematical equation that required solving, while complicated there were generally rules and exceptions, but would usually follow steps… this almost seemed chaotic. There had to be something tying these symbols together. 

After the sun had set, it was growing more difficult to see the symbols that she had drawn in the dirt, and despite wanting to continue, she had promised Seven that she would get adequate rest. Knowing when to take a break had always been difficult for Kathryn. She liked to force solutions, and obsess over things until she was satisfied that things would go her way. After all, that is how she had found Seven in the first place. But now that they were together, she knew that she needed to be more cognisant of her faults. Seven had hesitations about her receiving the message, and breaking her promise to satisfy her own curiosity could hinder their friendship and any progress Kathryn hoped to make with the younger woman. 

With the time traveling older Seven, she had noticed how stubbornness and lack of ability to trust fully caused more suffering in the long run, and wanted to make sure she was not doing the same thing to herself. After all, the end goal was to tell Seven how she felt about her, and in relationships she knew that being headstrong and wanting things done your own way was not the best way to be in a partnership. She was no longer Seven’s Captain and found it difficult to relinquish some of the control she was used to having. 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, then used her booted foot to erase the symbols from the dirt. She quickly added a few of the larger pieces of wood to her fire hoping they would burn long enough that she could get a few hours of sleep before needing to add more. 

Making her way toward the tent, she turned on a flashlight to avoid jostling Seven. The tarp tent was a decent size, however it had gotten quite dark, and she did not know which side the blonde had chosen.

The items that she had haphazardly thrown into the tent earlier had been organized and stacked safely to the far side, and among them was the regenerator. Kathryn’s eyes followed six cables from the unit that were plugged into it, toward the middle of the tent floor where Seven lay. She knew that Seven’s portable regenerator worked differently than her alcove on Voyager, but when Kathryn’s eyes landed on Seven’s prone form, her breath caught in her throat. The blonde was laying on her stomach, arms cradling her head, wearing nothing but the pants she wore earlier, and a sports bra. The combination of pale flesh, glinting implants, and cables that traced a path down her back stirred something within her and she quickly averted her gaze, feeling guilty for allowing her eyes to linger while Seven was in such a vulnerable position.

She quickly took her spot to the left side of the tent, making sure that she was as close to the tarp as she could in order to give Seven as much space as possible. Her body was incredibly tense, and her shoulders in particular were protesting. After tossing and turning for at least a half hour, she unclasped her bra, removed the straps from her shoulders and slid it out of her tank top. With the weight of the straps digging into her traps any longer, she felt enough relief that she was able to drift off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Kathryn woke up a few times throughout the night to add wood to the fire, making sure not to bump into Seven or let her eyes wander again. Each time she would lay back down beside Seven, she would try to piece together how to crack the code to get the message from the padd. Seven had always been an enigma and trying to figure out anything the young woman was thinking was often futile… for most people anyway. The chaotic nature of the symbols was very unlike the ex-Borg. 

After a suspiciously long period of sleep according to the level of light visible, she went to roll over, and let out a slightly embarrassing groan. She wasn’t old by any means, but sleeping on the ground after the physically demanding activities the day prior did not help her forty-two year old body at all. She took a quick look to where Seven once was, and noticed a perfectly made sleeping bag that didn’t look like anyone had slept there. She smiled to herself, thinking that it would make sense that Seven would be a perfectionist when making her “bed” because the blonde never took half measures. If Seven was going to do something, it would be immaculate. 

Cautiously, Kathryn sat up and shimmied her way out of the sleeping bag. After trying unsuccessfully to make her “bed” to Seven’s level of perfection, she decided to go and look for the younger woman. Crawling out from the tent, she felt her back protest, and when she was standing fully upright, she made sure to do some light stretching to avoid moving the wrong way and pulling a muscle. 

“Good morning, Kathryn,” Seven called from the log she had occupied the night before. “I have your breakfast ready over there, I did not want it to get cold.” She nodded in the direction of the pot by the fire.

Kathryn smiled brightly at the younger woman. “Thank you, Seven. You didn’t need to do that!” She said, lifting the lid of the pot revealing an egg and stewed tomato ration pack, which had always been her least favourite. She involuntarily scrunched her nose, and was silently grateful that her back was to the blonde at that moment. 

She quickly grabbed her breakfast, determined to control her face, and took up a spot on the log beside Seven who was back to tinkering with her portable regenerator. God, she is so beautiful when she is concentrating. She could get used to eating breakfast watching Seven work… even if breakfast was eggs and stewed tomatoes. Bracing herself, she took a bite, and was overwhelmed by a flavour that was unlike any she had tasted before. 

“Oh, Seven, this is wonderful!” Kathryn gasped in amazement. “How did you…?”

“When I was finished regenerating, I went through my pack and catalogued some of the plant matter I had collected on the way here, according to nutritional versus medical properties. I found some had an intriguing aroma. It was a calculated risk,” Seven admitted. 

The slight upturn of her mouth and brow that was quickly cooled back to her usual neutral expression made Kathryn aware that Seven was pleased that she liked the flavour, but didn’t want to boast. The glint in the blonde’s eyes remained though, and Kathryn definitely wanted to feed the proverbial fire, even if it slightly hurt her ego a bit that she was unable to make Seven a meal the night before that was palatable.  

“Well, it is wonderful, you are definitely on cooking duty from here on out,” Kathryn replied. “When we get off of this planet, we will have to bring some of whatever is in here with us,” she said with a lopsided grin, and a playful nudge to the blonde with her shoulder. 

This time Seven smiled brightly, eyes crinkling slightly in the corners, and Kathryn for a moment forgot how to breathe. She had witnessed this smile before, but so rarely that each time it felt like the world had fallen away from her. That smile made every single thing that had gone wrong in her life worthwhile, and she would go through it all again, just to witness it one more time. 

“When you have finished, I will require your assistance. I would like you to read the schematics to me while I work,” Seven said, once again schooling her features. “It will help you to practice what you have learned during our lessons, and prevent me from having to stop to look at the padd.”

“Of course,” Kathryn replied before taking another large bite, unable to stifle a small moan. “I will do anything you ask, plus more, if you keep cooking like this,” she joked, knowing fully that she would do just about anything Seven asked whether she cooked or not.

Seven’s eyes darkened, and her cheeks tinted pink before she glanced back to her work, leaving Kathryn to finish her food wordlessly. 

Oh, that’s… not what I meant, Kathryn thought when she noticed the awkward moment. Then again, she thought, maybe deep down I did. She definitely could be considered an unreliable narrator, she thought. She technically had been attracted to a version of Seven since before she and the younger woman had met, and while she had come to reconcile the two women, she did not want to make Seven uncomfortable. That would definitely be a catastrophic event for Kathryn. While her intentions with the younger woman had always been to keep her professionalism at the forefront, she couldn’t deny that she had longed for a time when they could be together for longer than they had technically known each other. 

“Seven, I… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Janeway stammered, trying to find the words to articulate what she meant without crossing an invisible line. “I-”

“How did you find me?” Seven blurted, looking up to her with more conflicting emotion raging in those blue eyes than Kathryn had ever witnessed from the young woman.

“It is a long story,” Kathryn started, before rubbing the back of her neck. “I got in touch with Chakotay. He told me that you had broken things off with him almost immediately. From there I contacted B’Elanna and Tom who reluctantly told me you were leaving Earth, which in turn led me to Icheb and Naomi. Icheb wouldn’t budge, but Samantha did send me your communication with Naomi.”

“And you did not get my message?” Seven declared, almost sounding amazed at her stupidity. 

“No,” Janeway admitted. “I spent days pouring over the data looking for any clue where you may be.”

“Then how did you find me?” Seven asked with a rather clipped tone.

Kathryn knew that she would have to confess at some point about the lengths she had gone to to obtain Seven’s trajectory, but she did not look forward to admitting it to the woman herself. She ran her hand down her face in disappointment that she had missed something that must have been so incredibly obvious that Seven sounded almost accusatory. 

“I… I kind of… hacked into Starfleet systems and viewed the recordings of your communications with Icheb. Since he is in the Academy, communications are recorded. He wouldn’t give me any information,” Kathryn replied hesitantly, while trying and failing miserably at maintaining eye contact.

Seven seemed to ponder for a moment, and Kathryn tried to brace herself for an onslaught of different reactions that could come her way. However Seven would react to the breach of privacy and protocol, she would accept fully. She was incredibly embarrassed by her conduct, and also for missing the message in the first place.

After a very pregnant pause, Seven looked at Kathryn seemingly having made up her mind. “Inventive.”

Kathryn audibly exhaled. Out of all the possible outcomes she was not expecting that response in the slightest. “You… You aren’t mad?” She asked.

“No,” Seven replied. “I was not expecting it, but I am not mad. I thought perhaps Icheb had gone against my wishes and informed you where I was going, or that you found the message in the data stream I had sent to Naomi.”

Kathryn chuckled at that. “Icheb gave me nothing except lies. Which he is bad at, by the way.” She had to smile at the memory and how when she asked him, he had visibly stiffened and looked incredibly uncomfortable. “I have to admit though that I had spent days pouring over that data stream, and did not find it.”

“I will have to teach him one day how to effectively deceive others,” Seven replied with a very faint smile, glazing over the confession of her ineptitude. “It would be very inefficient to have someone being able to track me down because those close to me do not know how to not 'tip their hand’.”

“You?” Kathryn snickered. “You are a lot of things Seven, but a master of deception is not one of them.”

Seven raised her ocular implant almost to her hairline. “I am excellent at deception, thank you very much.”

Kathryn laughed so hard that she had to grasp her ribs, and had tears running down her face.

“What? It is accurate.” Seven stated dryly. “You only think that because I did not wish to withhold information from you. There is one particularly large moment from my life that I have not told you.”

Kathryn sobered immediately. “Like what?” she whispered, almost scared to know the answer.

“Before you severed me from the Collective I had been in a long term relationship.” Seven replied.

“Axum?” Janeway questioned. “I knew about him from our time in Unimatrix-Zero. Nice try.” She almost immediately felt relieved. 

“No, there was someone else,” Seven said, and Kathryn thought she saw a storm brewing behind Seven’s eyes. “Axum was only while I was regenerating, this person I entered into a relationship with while I was a conscious drone.”

“Who?” Kathryn’s heart began rapidly beating in her chest, and her mouth went dry in an incredibly unpleasant way. 

“The Borg Queen,” Seven replied, devoid of any emotion.

Kathryn for the second time that morning could not breathe, only this time, it was not due to Seven’s beautiful smile. Kathryn’s blood turned to ice in her veins at the mention of the Borg Queen. 

“The Borg Queen?” Kathryn asked so quietly she wasn’t even sure she said it aloud. She was completely stunned by the confession.

“Yes, she was my first lover,” Seven replied, still expressionless. “Why do you think she pursued us so relentlessly? Desperately wanted me back so badly? Or why she was obsessively trying to infiltrate Unimatrix-Zero regardless of how many cubes she had to destroy?”

The missing pieces fell into place, and answers to questions appeared that she never wanted to know the answers to; at least not if this was the answer. For a moment she had to fight the bile in her throat to not make an appearance. There were few people Kathryn hated more than the Borg Queen. She had a hard time controlling her rage at everything the Borg had taken from Seven to begin with, and now she was brimming with hatred that had no place to go now that the Queen was dead. Seven had been assimilated so young, and had been through so much that she knew she would never fully grasp, but the thought that the fucking Borg Queen took that from Seven as well made Kathryn glad that Admiral Janeway killed her already so she didn’t have to spend her remaining days hunting her down.

“Oh, Seven. I am so sorry,” Kathryn choked out, eyes welling with unshed tears.

“For what?” Seven replied looking incredibly confused by Janeway’s display of emotion.

“The… You were a drone. The Queen controls the hive mind. We have language for that, and it is a crime that was committed against you,” Kathryn said, grabbing Seven’s hand rubbing circles into the mesh implant. “I am sorry that your first experience was like that.”

“I was a willing participant,” Seven informed.

“Oh, darling-” Kathryn started before she was cut off.

“She admitted to you that I was special. I was always an unusual drone. That is what fascinated her about me. I was a part of the hive mind, but I had some degree of autonomy. She had the capability to override my will, but did not often have to… And no, she did not override it in that capacity,” Seven added before the question could come.

“Wh-what?” Kathryn could not believe what she was hearing. Knowing that Seven had a level of autonomy changed everything she knew about the woman’s past, and yet nothing at all. It definitely explained a lot, especially how she refused to follow the chain of command on Voyager despite the Borg having a hierarchy of some sort.

“This is why I have so much guilt about my time as a drone assimilating thousands of individuals. I wanted to be a good drone. I wanted to impress her. I wanted to be perfect,” Seven confessed. “And because of this, I had harmed so many individuals. I will never be able to forgive myself, nor be worthy of their families forgiveness.”

Kathryn’s tears finally did fall, and she gave Seven’s hand a comforting squeeze. “Seven, you spent most of your formative years either in a maturation chamber, or with parents who studied the Borg with no fear, or consideration for what could have happened to you. You may have had free will to some degree, but you did not know any better.”

“Irrelevant,” Seven declared firmly. “There is no excuse for my choices.”

Kathryn gently guided Seven’s chin toward her to make proper eye contact, and leaned in ever so slightly to make sure that Seven would hear every word she was about to say. “Very relevant,” she whispered, her voice slightly husky from emotion. “How can you expect to do better when you know nothing else? Since you have learned what it means to become an individual have you gone around assimilating people?”

“No,” Seven replied. Her eyes had so much depth, and Kathryn knew right then that Seven was starting to understand what her point was, and might actually believe it as well. It was as if she was watching Seven make sense of her whole existence in one moment. 

All of a sudden in a very uncharacteristic manner, she scrunched up her nose, “I did assimilate the Delta Flyer though because it would not comply.” 

Kathryn breathed a small laugh, and kissed her on the cheek quickly. “I am sure the Delta Flyer deserved it,” she joked. “The point is, Seven, when you learned the weight of what it means to be an individual, and to be a part of a collective that loves and cares for your wellbeing, and wants to see you happy, you changed your views and your behaviour. I am proud of the growth you have achieved in such a relatively short period of time.”

“Thank you, Kathryn,” Seven replied, softly touching the spot on her cheek that Kathryn's lips had touched seconds before. “For always bringing order to the chaos. You and Icheb seem to be the only people who can reach me when I am lost.” She seemed to search Kathryn’s eyes for what felt like a moment too long, before glancing back toward her portable regenerator. “We have work to do. Assist me.”

The sudden shift defied every instinct Kathryn had at that moment, but she immediately grabbed the padd anyway and tried her best to focus, the rest of her breakfast long forgotten. She wanted to unpack and live in the moment of tenderness between them.  “Where did you leave off?” She asked, shaking her thoughts from her mind. 

Kathryn’s eyebrows were knitted together, and had a deep frown on her face. While Seven had taught her overrides, and basic encryption, there was so much she still did not know. Borg was a complicated… language? She pondered whether or not it would be considered a language or rather an equation a moment too long. 

“Kathryn?” Seven questioned. “What is the required output sum for the transceiver?” Seven was a lot of things, but patient was not one of them despite her obvious best attempts when it came to being efficient in her work.

Kathryn inhaled sharply, glancing between the two padds she held in her hands. One held the schematics for the portable regenerator, and the other held the key to converting solar energy to dilithium, which required some reverse engineering to apply to their scenario. She really wished she had a computer to run the numbers through for verification. While she was confident in her capabilities, there was so much at risk, and she had to admit she was highly distracted. As hard as she tried to keep her mind on her task, she couldn’t help but to think back to their earlier conversation. 

“Kathryn…” Seven reminded gently.

Kathryn let out the breath, and said, “E= 0.595, W = 1.17, kW= 3.51.”

“Are you sure?” Seven questioned, her eyebrow quirking ever so slightly. 

“As sure as I can be right now. Maybe you should double check?” Kathryn offered, holding out the padds. She was entirely out of her element, and she knew it, and she was pretty sure that Seven knew it too.

“I trust your abilities,” Seven replied, with a soft smile, then turned back to the tangle of technology and wires in front of her to input Kathryn’s calculations.

All of a sudden, sparks flew and Seven’s Borg mesh hand recoiled, as she made a short hissing noise, and Seven shook her singed digits.

Kathryn dropped the padds in the dirt, and immediately went to check Seven to see how injured she was. “Seven I am so sorry, let me look you over.”

“I am alright,” she said. “I am not badly damaged.”

“I feel so bad, you could have been seriously hurt, I should be better at this. I was a Captain for fucks sake,” Kathryn chastised herself, reaching for Seven’s hand despite her protest. 

Seven instead placed her hands on Kathryn’s shoulders and gave them a small squeeze. “I am alright. You will adapt and learn. Starfleet captains are not taught Borg algorithms in Command training. It is a fault within the Academy’s curriculum, not you personally.” 

Kathryn could tell that Seven meant every word, but she was terribly embarrassed and angry with herself. She covered her face with her hands to hide from Seven’s compassionate gaze that she felt entirely unworthy of. 

“Learning is one thing, but potentially breaking your only means of regeneration is another…” Kathryn huffed from behind her hands. “I should have been more adamant that you double check my work.”

“Kathryn,” Seven sighed, taking the redhead's hands away from her face. “I knew the calculation was incorrect. I also knew that it would not damage myself or the unit.”

“Why would you input incorrect information?” Kathryn asked, bewildered by what she was hearing, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

“Because I am familiar with the unit’s capabilities and limitations. It was not a mathematics error, but rather a translation error. Your kW equation had one digit off. It was not high enough to cause too much harm,” Seven admitted.

“I don’t understand why you put it in knowing that it was incorrect,” Kathryn said, searching Seven’s features intensely, almost wondering if the blonde had gone insane.

“To bring order to your chaos… Just as you have done for me countless times despite danger to yourself,” Seven replied, bringing a hand to Kathryn’s cheek, and once again seemed to be searching for something in Kathryn’s features. “Take a break. I believe you promised me a house.”

Kathryn couldn’t keep up with what was happening, and the sudden pivot. “Seven, I promised you a house if we would be here for a long time… I haven’t given up on trying to get out of here just yet.”

“Neither have I, but you need to collect yourself, and reflect on your error so you don’t make the same mistake again. You are missing something. When you have figured it out you can assist me further, this will take time, but it is vital that you figure it out.” Seven said with more tenderness than she had ever heard before from the younger woman.

She wanted to protest. She wanted to have Seven explain her error immediately, but she knew that would be futile. “Okay,” Kathryn sighed, knowing fully that when Seven had set her mind to something she could be as stubborn as herself, if not more so. 

Seven drew the redhead in for a hug which took Kathryn by surprise. By the time she was settling into the embrace, Seven whispered, “Go on. Get to work.” As quickly as the contact was given, it was taken away, and Seven’s attention was back on the regenerator. 

Kathryn walked over to the tarp-tent where she had stowed away her axe, casting a final look over her shoulder toward the blonde. The whole day had been an emotional roller coaster and she almost felt like she didn’t know what end was up. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she knew that Seven was right and that she needed to be put to work to clear her mind. Even in her teens on the farm, if a problem seemed too big, she would often mull over it while cleaning out the barn, or tending to the horses or garden. Did I tell Seven that at some point? They had so many late night conversations, and while she remembered most of their interactions like the back of her hand, she thought it was possible that she had made a small comment that Seven and her eidetic memory held onto. 

Seven had told her to get to work, and that is exactly what she did. She found the perfect trees that were the right size, and were close enough that she wouldn’t have to drag them too far. If Seven wanted a house, a house she would get.  

She took out every ounce of frustration she had on chopping down the trees. With each chop, she envisioned all of her problems and grievances. Trauma from the Delta Quadrant. Her father’s death. The aliens who attacked them, and crashed their shuttle on this fucking planet, herself for not reaching out to Seven sooner, Chakotay for being willing to put aside his command for Seven when she could not, her inability to recognize Seven’s message, and not being able to decrypt it even still to this day despite working on it. Her misinterpretation earlier that could have harmed Seven. The Borg Queen. She ruminated on the last one for what felt like far too long. Each chop she pictured exacting revenge on the Borg Queen. 

Chop. ‘Die’. Chop. ‘Bitch’. Chop. ‘Fuck’. Chop. ‘You’. Chop. ‘Monster’. Chop.

With the final chop she let out a long feral scream releasing years of pent up anger. She had become so accustomed to denying her needs, especially the emotional ones, that she had not fully realized how much had actually piled up over the years. She seemed to always be jumping from one hot pan directly into another without a moment of respite… except fleeting moments with Seven.

Almost as if the thought alone summoned her, Seven wordlessly appeared  by the edge of the clearing leaning against a tree, with an unspoken question on her features that was easily read. 

“I-I am ok. I’m sorry for worrying you,” Kathryn panted, wiping her sweat soaked hair out of her face, in one quick movement. 

Seven nodded once, but did not say anything in response.

“I didn’t know,” Janeway explained poorly. 

“Did not know what, Kathryn?” Seven prompted with a knowing look. One that she had typically only witnessed a handful of times.

She was suddenly aware of how she must look. Her tank top was completely soaked, and her shoulder length bob was plastered to her head lacking its usual volume and perfected style. Kathryn knew just from the blonde’s expression that she knew what she was about to say, and she knew that Seven was trying to get her to verbalize it. Her chest heaved a few times, and she was unsure if it was from the manual labour, or if it was from unprocessed emotion. 

“Everything is so fucked up,” Kathryn started. “My whole life… it's just… chaos. One giant fucked up mess.”

Seven nodded, urging her to go on.

“I don’t know, Seven. I have always had this conviction that good will prevail regardless of what it is pitted against. That if I follow the rules, and do everything by Starfleet principles and protocol that somehow everything will work out. I idolized my father, and he died on duty. He was a good man. What did going by the book get him? An extra pip?” she said and began to pace the clearing.

“I followed in his footsteps, doing everything I could to uphold Starfleet principles, following the rules, climbing the ranks, that led to me getting a ship lost in the Delta Quadrant and pushing the person I am down until all that was left was the Captain. But losing myself was for the greater good. We got home. Sure, it might have included some unconventional moments, but most of us made it out alive which is more than those fuckers thought when they pronounced us dead. And what does Starfleet do when we make it home?” She asked, pausing her pacing practically yelling out of frustration by this point.

“Mandatory leave until I can get cleared by a fucking therapist! Maybe if every ship had a counsellor on board-”

“Kathryn,” Seven interrupted. “Focus.”

“I’m sorry… I just…I try so hard. I miss the person I once was. The one who would always dive into trouble fearlessly, and somehow make it out unscathed. I came after you to try to help you, and I have come to realize that I just make everything worse. I can’t even help myself,” Kathryn admitted defeatedly, and placed one hand over her eyes to shield the view of her tears.

Seven stepped toward Kathryn, and pulled her in for a one sided hug. Kathryn made no move to return the embrace, too concerned with shielding the view of her breakdown, but felt Seven’s right arm wrap around her mid back, and the left hand pulled her head toward her shoulder. The feeling of those arms  around her made her lose her composure even more, and she began to openly sob. 

Seven tightened her hold on the smaller woman. “It’s ok, Kathryn, you can release it. I am here. You can let go of the Captain now. Release your hold on Kathryn.”

Kathryn finally returned the embrace, and clung to Seven as if her life depended on it. She was almost positive that it did, and after what felt like an eternity of wailing, she finally began to calm. 

Sniffling, she pulled back just enough to lock eyes with the taller woman. “Thank you. For knowing me better than I know myself.” 

Seven gave her a soft smile that actually reached her eyes. “When your mind gets filled with too many doubts about your life’s meaning, and you cannot find your own, I will help be there to remind you of how proud I am, and help you find order in the chaos,” then she leaned in and placed a soft kiss just above her right eyebrow. It was brief, but Kathryn could have sworn that it was conveying so much more than the simple action would typically mean to coming from anyone else. Kathryn got lost in the vast blue of Seven’s eyes when she pulled back slightly that seemed to be more expressive with each moment they shared on this strange planet.

“Are you going to be ok if I go and start a hot meal? I know we have a limited supply, but I believe you require comfort,” Seven said, breaking the silence.

“I will be okay,” Janeway said nodding, but still reluctant to be the first to break contact.

Seven seemed to search her face for any hint of a lie, and seemed satisfied with what she saw there. “Very well then. When you are ready, make your way back to camp.”

“I wish that giving you a cortical node would ease your discomfort as it did for me,” she added, as she gave Janeway’s shoulder a small squeeze before leaving the clearing.

For the first time in a very long time, Kathryn’s burden felt just a little bit lighter. She traced the spot above her brow where Seven kissed her with a small smile, replaying Seven’s words over again in her mind. Order to the chaos. The thought reminded her of the key for the message she was given for her message that she herself had described as chaos. Could Seven have been giving me a clue? Order to the chaos… she thought. She had said that a few times that day… She mentioned me and Icheb, pride. But Chaos? Her awareness came to the spot where her fingertips were circling above her brow. Cortical node… She was so angry when Icheb deactivated his cortical node to save her life. Oh my god. Kathryn had given the order to use it. She knew Seven’s needs better than Seven did at that moment. Chaos. 

Kathryn took off running toward camp, unaware of how the branches tore at her skin.

She finally understood what she was missing.

Chapter Text

Kathryn appeared back at camp, chest heaving rapidly from her sprint. She tried to remember exactly where she had left the padd containing Seven’s message, and when her wild eyes landed on the tent, she sprang forward with such momentum it would have appeared impossible. She dove into the tent and frantically searched for the padd that held what she knew would be life changing information. She tossed the sleeping bags, and accidentally kicked a stack of Seven’s technology over. She recognized that she looked absolutely insane, but could not help the urge to immediately test her theory. She needed to know if her hypothesis was correct. In the scuffle she heard a thump, something hitting the ground, and she went to investigate, but somehow her lower half was tangled in the heavy fabric. In her haste, she face-planted hard onto the ground, causing her to grunt in pain, but the padd was finally within reach.

She searched her brain quickly for how to translate ‘Icheb’ into Borg, fingers flying over the device more quickly than her brain could actually process, with legs still in a tangled mess. There was a numerical designation for species, race, rank, gender, hair colour, personality subtype and so on in endless combinations following a specific set of rules. She may not have remembered those rules, but her body knew exactly what to do, and she knew this was probably one of those lessons that she had been distracted by Seven’s proximity to her. 

There were so many possibilities and Kathryn tried to remember the rules for the translation to be able to duplicate it at a later time, but her fingers were moving at warp speed. After tinkering with it for a while, part of the code unlocked. Kathryn’s face fell, realizing that she still did not have access to the message. 

What the hell? If it worked, where was the message?  

After typing in a few more commands, she realized that she had correctly guessed one of the keys.  She had to admit that she was very defeated that it turned out to be a multi-step process, and that she still did not have any of the answers she so desperately craved. Seven had greatly overestimated Janeway’s translation abilities when she had sent this message. Not only had there been no context when it was sent, it required multiple codes.

Thinking back to the time when Seven’s cortical node failed, her heart felt like it was in her throat. She remembered every detail entirely too well. How she had basically gone on a warpath trying anything she could to obtain another cortical node for Seven, not just being willing to sacrifice her own life, but those of some of her most vital crew members as well. Kathryn remembered how Seven had implied that she had known the ex-drone better than she knew herself.  If Icheb had been a key, perhaps she was as well, she thought, adding her own equation into the padd. This one did not go through. She was missing something, and she huffed in frustration, unsure if it was another translation error, or if she was on the wrong track entirely.

“Kathryn? I thought I saw you run in here.” Seven said, peeking into the tent. When she took stock of the condition of the tent, and Kathryn herself, she visibly frowned. “You are damaged,” she stated, distaste filling her tone.

“Hmm?” Kathryn replied, looking toward the blonde who had tried to get her attention. “Damaged?” She looked down at herself, then glanced back toward the padd, barely registering that her arms were covered in angry looking welts and cuts that were freely bleeding from her run through the dense brush.  

“I am fine, Seven. They are just scrapes. They will heal quickly.” She tried another equation and frowned deeply when it did not provide the desired outcome. 

“Kathryn, cease your actions immediately,” Seven demanded, snatching the padd from the redhead’s hands in one swift movement. 

“Hey!” Kathryn protested, raising her hand in the air like the action was a personal slight against her. She could tell she looked crazy, but could not seem to control the level of desperation to finally find the answers to the questions she had.

“You may continue later this evening if you follow my instructions. Right now, you need to get out of the tent so I can clean your wounds. Then you will eat, and rest, then when the sun sets you may continue for precisely one hour.”

“But-”

“I believe you were the one to remind me just last night of how dangerous survival situations can be? How what could be a small problem in daily life, could mean disaster in the wild? Perhaps… open wounds that get infected because you are filthy?” Seven probed firmly, lifting her chin almost as if she were daring Kathryn to challenge her logic.

Kathryn took another look down at herself. She was absolutely disgusting, but did not want to admit that the younger woman’s assessment was correct. Her current physical condition was, unfortunately, a reflection of her current mental state.

“Are you trying to tell me I stink, Seven?” Kathryn asked, feigning a command mask glare. 

“No, I am not trying to tell you, Kathryn. I am clearly informing you of the fact,” Seven said so bluntly that Kathryn couldn’t help but to laugh, fake anger melting away in an instant.

“Fine,” she conceded. “But we will use the dermal regenerator, or no deal.”

Seven raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You feel that your wounds will not heal efficiently with a poultice from the plant with antibacterial properties?”

“You may be holding my message hostage, and not allowing me to assist you, but that does not mean that I cannot occupy the hours of sunlight that are left,” Kathryn challenged.

“You mean to continue working on the shelter,” Seven concluded, raising an eyebrow.

“I promised someone a house… and I cannot do that effectively covered in gunk,” Kathryn informed, blaming her promise rather than her inability to sit still to avoid getting lost in her own thoughts.

“It is not gunk, it is an effective method of preventing infection,” Seven chided, before searching Kathryn’s features for the umpteenth time that day. “You may continue building the shelter at first light tomorrow.”

“Not one moment sooner,” she added when Kathryn opened her mouth to protest. “But yes, I will use the dermal regenerator on your wounds.” Seven held out her hand to the redhead to help her out of the tent without causing more damage to herself or their bedding. 

When they exited the tent, Seven pointed at the log. “Sit there, and don’t move.”

“Seven, I can handle-”

“Sit. Now.” The blonde demanded more firmly, catching Kathryn slightly off guard.

She did as she was told, and watched Seven head back to the tent. She really didn’t want to sit there. She wanted to work on the padd. She glanced toward the tent. Seven was taking a while, and she thought she must be organizing the mess she had made. Glancing around their small camp, she noticed that Seven had her pack leaning against a tree, and nestled on top was the padd. She hadn’t seen Seven place it there on her way back to the tent. Temptation arose within her, and each minute Seven did not return, it doubled in size. 

Casting a calculating glance at the tent, she decided it was worth the risk. She got up and quietly retrieved the padd before sitting back down exactly where the blonde had left her. Obviously Kathryn was not a part of the key, or her efforts while still inside of the tent would have yielded some kind of result. She remembered how the older Seven had described Icheb as being like a son to her before she knew who she was referring to. The Borg didn’t exactly have a translation for family, but she thought perhaps she could find something as close as possible. 

Didn’t Seven at one point call Naomi a sub-unit of Samantha?  

She chuckled at the memory, and tried her hand at that. Just as Kathryn typed in the final command, the padd was promptly removed from her hand. 

“Come on!” Kathryn exclaimed in sheer frustration. 

“Kathryn, you were to sit here while I located the dermal regenerator. This is not what I told you to do,” Seven chastised, obviously irritated with the insubordination.

“Give it back, Seven,” Kathryn whispered, trying to contain the rage that was threatening to bubble over.

“No.”

“Seven, that is an order,” Kathryn said, quickly standing trying to muster as much height as she could, despite being shorter than the blonde. Her eyes shot daggers meant to intimidate the younger woman into submission. She had used the look a thousand times and it was almost always effective in getting what she wanted.

“I am not Starfleet. I am no longer aboard your vessel. You are not my Captain any longer,” Seven informed her, and while she had used her usual cool tone, Kathryn felt as if she had spat acid at her, burning her sensitive flesh. 

“Take a look around Kathryn. We are in the Gamma Quadrant on an uninhabited planet… Your rank serves no purpose here. In this place you are Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, that is it. Just Kathryn. And here… we are equals.”

Kathryn visibly flinched at Seven’s words. “If we are equals, then I don’t have to follow your orders either,” she rationalized.

Seven looked at the woman as if she had three heads. “You are damaging yourself. You are acting irrationally. Let me help you.”

Kathryn was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She knew that Seven only had the best of intentions, but she knew that if she did not occupy herself until she literally succumbed to her exhaustion, she would fall into the void. And that was something that they could not afford. 

Not out here.

“Please,” Seven said quietly. “Let me take care of you just for one evening. How many times did you sit by my side while I was in Sick Bay? Please, let me do this for you.”

Kathryn’s walls broke at that moment. Seven saying please had always affected her, but the fact that she was so adamant about Kathryn’s well-being being put higher on the list of priorities than any of the mountain of work that needed to be done, shattered the last of her resolve.

She sat back down on the log with a sigh, and sad eyes, feeling completely defeated. She knew that Seven only had her best interests in mind, but she didn’t know this part of her. She didn’t know that the world could swallow her whole with no warning, and not let her go. 

“I’m scared,” Kathryn admitted quietly.

“I know. I have got you,” Seven assured, gently tilting her face to the left to begin healing the wounds on the older woman’s face. 

Kathryn closed her eyes, and let Seven do what needed to be done. She felt every scrape pull back together with the familiar and comforting sensation. Kathryn was aware at all times of where Seven was focusing her attention, and she couldn’t remember if the warm feeling was from the dermal regenerator, or being the center of such delicate attention for the first time in so long. She felt tears slide down her face that were wordlessly wiped away before they had a chance to leave her cheeks.

When Seven was done mending her broken flesh, she offered Kathryn her own version of the meatloaf and mashed potato ration pack, and the redhead shook her head in response. 

“I am not hungry,” Kathryn whispered.

Seven seemed to contemplate for a moment, before not pushing the subject further. Instead, she grabbed Kathryn’s hand and gently helped her stand. She quickly grabbed something out of her pack, and pulled Kathryn along through the forest, helping her to dodge any obstacles. 

Kathryn’s attention was a million light years away, and was so lost that she had no idea where they were going. She was struggling to accept that the Captain persona that she had adopted as a shield had no purpose any longer. That the weight of command was one bag she could put down and not have to pick back up… at least for the foreseeable future. 

But who am I without being the Captain?  

Seven led Kathryn to the rocky bank of the river, taking her time to steady the other woman on the jagged surface. Kathryn hesitated, eyes blank, and Seven moved to stand in front of her, holding her hand. Seven may not have spoken a single word, but her eyes were brimming with each one she chose to withhold. She slowly took a step backward, still maintaining her hold on Kathryn’s hand. After what felt like a lifetime, Kathryn took a cautious step forward. 

They repeated this process, stepping slowly toward the river until the water was just within reach. Seven dropped to her knees to undo Kathryn’s boots, and one by one removed them, before standing to lead her into the cool water. Kathryn hesitated once more, but eventually followed Seven into the water until they were submerged to their waists. Seven grabbed the wet cloth from her back pocket, and began to tenderly wipe down Kathryn’s arms, taking her time to loosen the dried blood and dirt from her skin. 

Kathryn’s skin erupted into goosebumps at the light touches, and the cool water that left her skin damp. Her pants clung uncomfortably to her legs, and her emotions also weighed heavily on her. She felt that if Seven weren’t there, the weight alone would have made her submerge into the cool depths, never to be seen again. When Seven started to wash her hands, the intimacy of paying attention to each finger made her feel like running away, but she fought to remain present in the moment, and fully absorb everything that Seven was giving to her. It was uncomfortable, and yet she felt safe at the same time.

Seven took her time, turning her attention to Kathryn’s face, and it took every fiber of her being to not look away from the intense attention that was being paid to her. This level of intimacy was so completely foreign to her that she struggled internally between wanting the moment to end, or carry on forever. Even when she was with the older version of Seven, she had been the primary one to give comfort and stability. In some capacity, she had always been the type of person to drop everything to help others, and finally realized why it had been so easy for her to lose herself in her captaincy. Almost as if Seven had read her thoughts, blue eyes met grey, and Kathryn could not stop the tears that slid down her cheeks. 

“I see you, Kathryn. Not the persona that you have adopted that everyone around you believes you to be, but you at your core. If you need assistance discovering who Kathryn is, I will remind you,” Seven whispered, wiping her tears with the cloth.

Kathryn nodded once, unable to find her voice in the moment. Seven guided Kathryn to lean her hair back into the water. The cool water hitting her ribs and scalp made her gasp slightly, until she acclimated to the temperature. 

Seven sees me.

I don’t even see me.

She wondered how the younger woman was able to see through her so easily, as by the time she came aboard Voyager, Kathryn had been long gone, only to emerge again when the older Seven would randomly appear. As Seven affectionately washed Kathryn’s hair, the older woman finally did close her eyes, and couldn’t help but to get pulled back into the present. While she felt sensitive emotionally, the sensation of Seven’s fingers languidly scraping against her scalp, and detangling her hair seemed to heal most of her hurt. Kathryn could tell that Seven was taking her time, and prolonging the contact for no reason other than knowing what she needed.

Eventually Seven helped Kathryn stand. The older woman thought that she noticed Seven’s eyes wander for the briefest of moments. The sun was beginning to set in the sky, and the air had cooled significantly. Beads of water that had reflected the pink from the sunset made their way down both of their goosebumps covered arms and faces. 

Kathryn opened her mouth to thank Seven, but the blonde pressed a finger to her mouth. “Not yet.” The digit lingered for what could be considered a moment too long.

Seven grabbed Kathryn’s hand and led her out of the water. She took care to collect their boots and made sure that Kathryn didn’t step on any of the sharp rocks with her bare feet. The walk was uncomfortable in their wet clothing, but Kathryn couldn’t bring herself to regret the moment they had just shared. 

She sees me.

They finally reached camp, and Seven quickly fed the fire. 

“What do you see?” Kathryn asked.

Seven glanced up toward the redhead and moved toward her. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

“I see a courageous woman. One with a free spirit and conviction in everything she does. One who acts on gut feelings rather than logic,” Seven said. “One who despite all of this, is soft. You care. Possibly too much. And try as hard as you do to hide that about yourself, it comes out in moments that you think no one is watching. You are… everything.”

Kathryn took a deep breath. Everything made sense. She had never felt more seen. Despite wanting to make sure that Seven was ready and in fact interested, she couldn’t help but to feel that Seven already returned her affections. 

“Will you hold me?” Kathryn asked, almost unsure of herself.

“Yes,” Seven replied, grabbing Kathryn’s tank top from the bottom and peeling it up over her head.

“That… Seven. I didn’t mean…”

“You cannot sleep in wet clothing. I will be a gentle-woman,” Seven informed.

The pair made their way to the tent, removing their wet outer layer of clothing, leaving them in their damp undergarments. Settling in for the night on top of the sleeping bags. Kathryn rested her face into Seven’s neck while the blonde played with her hair. She was flooded with memories of tender moments between them, wrapped in a scent that was uniquely Seven. Eventually, she made up her mind. 

“I love you, Seven,” Kathryn whispered.

Seven kissed the top of her head. 

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 13

Kathryn slowly blinked awake after the best sleep of her life. Would it have been better in a bed instead of on the hard ground? Probably for her back, but it didn’t change the fact that she wouldn’t have altered a single thing about the night before. Being able to fall asleep next to Seven, wrapped in her arms, was a literal dream come true. Nothing sexual had happened between them, and aside from the kiss to the top of her head, Seven had kept her word that she would be a gentlewoman. 

I can’t believe I lost it like that. But for once, I actually felt safe for once.

After her intensely emotional day, the fact that only comfort was exchanged lended to the intimacy and impact of the moment. After years of longing and waiting, Seven, her very own Seven, was finally within reach. Kathryn had never let anyone witness her in what she often called the void. Was it due to lack of trust? Control or trust issues? She wasn’t sure, but finally letting someone into the inner workings of her mind, and being open to another person was so incredibly freeing. The dark veil that had covered her the day prior had lifted. Even being stranded on an alien planet did not seem as daunting that morning. 

Seven had already left the tent, and Kathryn was unsure how long she had slept. Days being longer on the planet than on Earth made it almost impossible to tell how much time had truly passed. She grabbed her only other clean outfit from her bag, and a tooth cleansing tablet before exiting the makeshift tent. She didn’t even want to know what her breath might smell like after waking up in a pile of her own drool. She could only hope that Seven did not witness that. Haphazardly she chewed the charcoal tab as she stepped into the pant legs, then shimmied them up over her hips. 

“Good morning, Kathryn,” Seven called, glancing over her shoulder at the spectacle.  

Her pants were still undone, her top half just covered with her black bra, and teeth that matched. Kathryn spat the chalky remnants of charcoal onto the ground a few times after a sip of water before smiling brightly at the blonde. Seven’s pupils may have been dilated, but it could have just been her eyes playing tricks on her.

“Good morning darling. How long was I out for?” she asked, taking a seat beside Seven on the log. Quickly she pulled a white tank top over her head, and her smile grew more when she noticed the micro-expression of disappointment on Seven’s features. 

“It is almost 1300 hours.”

“Shit! Seven! Why did you let me sleep so long?” Kathryn asked, shock flooding her features.

“You had an emotional day and required rest,” Seven replied as if the answer was obvious. “How are you feeling now?” Her eyes quickly searched Kathryn’s.

“Kind of embarrassed that I lost my cool like that, but I am ok,” she confessed. “Thank you… for being there for me. I usually deal with these things on my own.”

“There is nothing to be embarrassed about,” Seven said firmly, taking Kathryn's hand in her Borg implanted one.  “You needed support, and have done the same for me, multiple times. Furthermore, I meant what I had said last night.” 

It wasn’t that Kathryn had forgotten that they had confessed love exactly; she had simply forgotten the implications of what a confession may do to their relationship. She inhaled sharply. Could she have mussed everything up in a moment of weakness?

“I am sorry for springing that on you while I wasn’t in the best state.”

“There is nothing to apologize for. You will understand once you view the message.” Seven offered no further explanation, and at that moment, Kathryn’s curiosity piqued intensely.

“I promised a lady a house,” Janeway joked. While she did want to get to the bottom of the message, she gathered from Seven’s expression that she was not keen on getting into whatever the message contained. “I will spend the evening working on it. Maybe you could… oh, I don't know, give me a hint?” She batted her eyelashes.

Seven raised one corner of her mouth in pure amusement. “Let’s see how quickly you build me a house before I commit to assisting you in getting a message that may alter the parameters of our relationship.”

The redhead gulped. That was a big hint. One that she was not expecting. Bigger than she would have expected from her former Astrometrics officer anyway, who was always so good at remaining tight lipped. That meant that there had to be some kind of confession in the message which would explain why Seven was so startled to see her, why she had been playing cat and mouse since finding out. Almost as if she wanted to come closer, but hadn’t been sure that her feelings would have been returned. Something within Kathryn clicked at that moment. The key for the calls between her and Icheb… it was the time she asked Seven to trust her. When she leaned toward her, trying to control her impulse to press her lips to the blonde’s, instead kneeling before her asking her to come home. Seven could read bio-signs. She must have known this whole damn time that Kathryn had felt some level of attraction toward her.

“Seven, I have to ask…”

The younger woman looked apprehensive, but nodded, granting permission for Kathryn to continue. Her face took on her usual serious look.

Kathryn inhaled a deep breath; once she started this conversation in a rational mindframe, there would be no going back. She wouldn’t be able to backpedal and say it was due to distress. Her confession the night before had been received well, but she still did not want to rush things and make Seven uncomfortable- or feel that she was only interested in her sexually.

“I-I don’t really know how to ask this, so I am just going to spit it out,” she confessed. “Seven, I know that you can read bio-signs. Surely, you must have known that I felt… a certain way toward you. If you have feelings for me, why would you send a secret message instead of coming to me directly?”

Seven seemed to consider her words very carefully for a few seconds, before sliding closer to where Kathryn sat. Immediately Kathryn’s pupils grew, and she felt her heart pick up its pace. Then Seven leaned in, and Kathryn’s whole body went into red alert, trying to not fully react.

“I have found…” Seven whispered into Kathryn’s ear, then moving her mouth impossibly closer to her own. “Most people tend to react when I am in close proximity to them. Right now, your pupils have dilated fifteen percent, and your heart rate is one hundred and twenty-three beats per minute. Quite fast for remaining seated if I am not mistaken.”

Kathryn audibly gulped as Seven glanced toward Kathryn’s mouth.

“I know that I am visually appealing to most humans. My face is quite symmetrical, and I have features that are considered beautiful.” Seven tucked the red hair behind Kathryn’s ear. “The problem is,” Seven said, returning her face toward Kathryn’s now fully exposed ear that was acutely aware of the blonde’s breath. 

“How am I to know if someone is only physically attracted to me, or if their interests are genuine?” Seven asked, running her borg enforced left index finger along the older woman’s sharp jawline. “I have discovered that having just one of those is… inefficient.”

It took Kathryn about fifteen seconds or so to realize that Seven was actually waiting for a response. What was the question? She thought to herself. Right. How to tell if someone has genuine interest. Seven flickering her gaze between Kathryn’s eyes and mouth had begun to get distracting again, but she found her last shred of will power, and powered through.

“I would like to think,” Janeway husked, “that you would know me better than that. I can’t read bio-signatures, but I believe through the years of interaction and how you are acting right now, that you are showing genuine interest in me. Am I wrong?” She couldn’t help but to look at Seven’s plump bottom lip with keen curiosity, almost as if she had never seen it before. But she had. Multiple times over the years. More times than she had cared to admit. She had envisioned nibbling it, then soothing it with soft, sweet kisses for well over a decade now. The urge to close the distance between them deepened, and she found herself slowly edging forward.

“Hmm,” Seven hummed, then slid back to her original spot on the log, breaking the spell Kathryn seemed to be under. “I also thought that you would stay in contact when we got to Earth. I am not trying to continually bring up the past. You have explained yourself sufficiently. I am simply trying to express why I might have sent the message that I did, in order to explain my own actions.”

Kathryn hesitated, blinking a few times. It may have been the haze of sexual tension she was under, but it sounded like Seven had regrets about the message, and its contents. 

“Hey,” Janeway said, sobering up immediately then sliding closer to Seven. She grabbed her chin- gently, yet firm enough to gain the other woman’s attention. “If you would prefer, I don’t need the message. We can just move forward from here on out. Please don’t worry.”

Seven seemed to ponder for a moment, before responding. “No, you should know. I want you to understand where I was coming from. Now go build me a house… I will give you the encryption codes this evening.”

Kathryn smiled brightly, and leaned toward Seven slowly, placing a soft kiss on her cheek, careful to even avoid the corner of her mouth. “Thank you, darling. You seriously overestimated my abilities with it,” she laughed softly.

“The only thing I did was underestimate your ability to see yourself and the impact you have on others,” she replied. She rose slowly to help Kathryn stand and turned her around toward the direction of the logs from the day before. “Go,” she said, tapping Kathryn on the rear just hard enough to make her leap into action and put a pep in her step. 

 Kathryn took a few paces toward the edge of the small clearing before glancing over her shoulder. “I do love you, you know,” she confessed once more.

“Yes, I love you too. Now go.” Seven replied with a smile that shone like a thousand suns. 

Kathryn’s task that day would be to dig up every bit of moss she could, and chop the logs into appropriate sizes. She hoped that she would have enough light left in the day to start assembling at least some of the structure. The trees were not overly thick, which she was grateful for. She may have grown up doing manual labour, and gone through StarFleet training, but spending most of her time on a star ship- with the only exercise being the occasional round of velocity, or crisis- made her softer than she would have liked to admit. She knew that the best insulation would be moss anyway, and that the tree’s width would be more than sufficient. 

Digging, chopping, lifting, assembling. The hours ticked by, and Kathryn had never felt more at peace. While there was hesitation within Seven, it seemed that it was mainly centered around the message and not their relationship.

Relationship as a description for us might be a bit too soon.  

She wondered what Seven would think of her mother and sister if they were able to get home one day. The thought almost crippled her, and she dropped the log she was carrying on her foot. 

Fuck! How are we going to get out of here? Power failed on one shuttle, and the Delta Flyer? She might be grounded for good this time. 

Thinking that she would never see her family again was an intense sorrow. One that she knew how to cope with. The whole seven years spent in the Delta Quadrant she had these thoughts. If there was a way, she knew that between her and Seven that they would find it. Kathryn picked up the log once more, and placed it perfectly on the first try so that it would interlock with the others. 

One foot in front of the other, Katie. One step at a time, she reminded herself. 

She took a quick inventory of what she had accomplished thus far, and was pleased with her progress. She had chopped quite a few trees the day before, and that meant that most of her work was just assembling, and getting the moss ready to fill the cracks between them. Despite the late start to the day, the cabin was starting to look like… well, a cabin. There were four walls at least, with a hole for a door. She may silently curse the planet for trapping them there, but she had to admit, it was rather beautiful. She had loved camping as a child, and being in nature was always pleasant for her, and filled with happy memories. 

Maybe one day, I can make a window here to be able to look out and admire the view. I can make a little table and chair for us that we can bring outside during the nice days. 

The thought of making it homey didn’t sound unappealing for the moment. If they were to be stuck on the planet for the rest of their lives, she was at least grateful that she was with Seven. Taking a look at her surroundings, she realized that the area she had cleared, left a decent hole in the canopy above, where she could see the sky perfectly. Suddenly, she was struck with an idea, and she quickly began to clean up the construction site, and put her plan into action. If Seven was unsure about her motivations, she would show her with actions that she could be relied upon.

When she made it back to camp, Seven was nowhere to be seen. That worked for keeping her plan a secret, however, it made her stomach twist with worry. 

She is fine, Janeway reminded herself. Seven was able to regenerate a bit and even at a not full capacity, I know she can handle herself. Probably better than I can anyway.  

Kathryn packed up their bedding, and collected her backpack with a few necessary items. Their new camp was not far from this one, but it would save her from having to make multiple trips, and risk giving the surprise away. She was looking forward to hopefully showing off a bit of her more romantic side. It had been many, many years since she had tried to woo someone, and the idea alone gave her butterflies. She hoped that Seven would be receptive to her plan.

When she landed back at camp, she dropped the belongings under a tree. Based on the amount of light, she didn’t have much time. She would have to haul ass. She quickly assembled two bedding cushions- with a gap between them of course, she didn’t want to imply anything that may not be conducive to her message- out of the soft branches and leaves from the trees she had cut down. She threw each sleeping bag over the respective bundles, and began making a small pit for a fire. She did not have time to collect rocks, and sent out a silent prayer to anyone who was listening that there were no internal roots in the ground that would cause a forest fire. There were enough smaller branches, and sticks that she would be able to maintain a fire all night, and be able to have enough to work out a roof the following day.

She kept the fire small, it would not be favourable for her plan to have a large one, but some form of light would still be required. 

Conserving the batteries is of the utmost priority, so this would have to suffice . 

I will have to go back to the shuttle tomorrow to get the rest of the supplies , she thought when she realized that there were some things that she would not be able to add.  

All of her clothes were filthy, and despite the heat, it may still take a while to dry with the humidity. 

I really don't want laundry day to be the first time Seven sees me fully naked. No. I would definitely prefer if that would happen naturally and in the heat of a passionate moment.

She shook her head slightly to clear the image, then continued with her plan. She assumed Seven would be by at any time, and she wanted to make sure that everything was perfect.

Kathryn quietly leaned against a tree, watching Seven working away on her project. The flicker of the fire in the dark had given her hair a dancing orange glow. Almost as if her radiance could not be contained by one human, and had to let the world know her brilliance. Kathryn had become partial to seeing Seven in a green fluorescence, however, this shade of orange she could definitely get used to. 

“Are you going to stand there and stare, or are you going to bring me the padd so I can assist you?” Seven asked, not unkindly, and without looking in her direction.

Kathryn smiled at being caught red handed. “I am sorry, darling. I couldn’t help myself.” She made her way toward Seven, and extended a hand. 

“I actually have a surprise for you, instead of worrying about the message. Do you trust me?”

“I have exhaustively researched the subject, and I can say for a fact, completely,” Seven confessed, looking up into Kathryn’s eyes. She accepted the help to stand.

Their heights now switched, Kathryn looked up to Seven with a crooked grin, then held out a long piece of ribbon suggestively.

“If BDSM is your surprise, I would like to inform you now of my safe word,” Seven said,  in a tone that implied she did not know how much the statement would shock Kathryn. She still had the audacity to raise an eyebrow though, almost as if portraying a small hint of interest. 

The redhead coughed in surprise. “Seven! No! That’s not… That is absolutely not what this is. Shit!” Her cheeks were hot, and she almost couldn’t force herself to look Seven directly in the eye. She pressed her cool hand into her flaming hot cheek trying to calm the blood vessels.

“It is alright, Kathryn.”

“I wanted… This kind of seems a bit awkward now.” The redhead started. “I was going to use it as a blindfold. I wanted to surprise you with my progress on the cabin.”

Seven nodded, looking almost pleased with herself for throwing the older woman through a loop as violently as she had. “I will do as you have requested,” she informed her, taking the ribbon, and placing it over her eyes, wrapping it a few times to ensure its efficacy.

“Lead the way.”

Kathryn gently stood in front of Seven, and guided her hands toward her shoulders. “I am not as precise at description as you. I don’t want you to fall on the way, so follow me.”

She silently led Seven back to their new home, and hesitated for a moment. The anxiety had come back. 

What if she thinks it insufficient.  

“According to my eidetic memory, we have arrived. Do you require more time to prepare?”

Kathryn released her breath, and stepped around the blonde to release the blindfold. 

When Seven looked around at the new camp, Kathryn noticed that her features had changed. At first, she was worried that she was disgusted with the display, but upon further investigation, she discovered that Seven was trying not to shed a tear. 

“Do you like it?” Kathryn asked quietly. “It’s not finished yet obviously, but I figured that we could have a sleepover in our new home.”

“It is perfection,” Seven replied softly, taking a step toward the structure. 

“I know I shouldn’t have used them, but I did light a few candles inside if you would like to take a look around?”

The small fire had illuminated the outer structure, and there was a soft glint coming from within.

Seven entwined their fingers, and walked toward the doorway. Taking a peek inside, she frowned. 

“What’s the matter, darling?” Kathryn’s heart was beating wildly thinking that she may have offended Seven by placing a bouquet of wildflowers on her bed. 

When Seven didn’t immediately respond, she started to explain. “Seven, I didn’t want to give away the surprise. I just put them there to keep them hidden and off the dirt. I promise, I wasn’t trying to imply anything.”

Seven stormed into the space, and picked up the flowers, cradling them like it was a baby. Then she did something that Kathryn was not expecting. She took her sleeping bag, and placed it directly next to hers, on the dirty ground between the makeshift beds. 

When Seven turned around, she sniffed the flowers, and said, “Now, that’s better.”

Kathryn couldn’t help but to laugh. Here she was trying to not imply anything, and Seven ended up offended at the lack of implication. 

“You’re something else, you know that right?” she said, hugging Seven with one arm to make sure she did not crush the flowers. “I will fix it, but please get your sleeping bag off the dirt.” She eyed the fabric as if it were offensive. Obviously it would be hard to maintain cleanliness in the wilderness, but sleeping in the literal dirt just would not stand around her.

“Aye, Captain.” 

Seven placed the bouquet on the redhead’s bed, and got to work brushing off the dirt while Kathryn began consolidating the two beds into one. 

“There! That should do it!” Kathryn said, proud of her handy work.

“Not quite,” Seven replied with another micro-smile.

“Oh?” 

Seven unzipped both bags, and laid one out as a bottom blanket, and threw the other over the top. 

“I would like to hold you.”

“Oh!” Kathryn breathed. 

Seven slipped her tank top over her head, and despite the incredible view, it was Seven’s messy blonde waves that she was entranced over, once again illuminated by candlelight. Once the locks stopped bouncing, and Seven had removed her cargo pants, Kathryn finally realized that Seven was only in her underwear and a sports bra. Sure, they had been in this situation the night previous, but she had been mildly… occupied. This was another thing entirely. 

Her nerves began to rise once more, and she had to stop herself from blowing out the candles to shield herself from Seven’s view. After all, the night before, Seven had seen her in a similar state, yet it felt entirely different. Avoiding eye contact, she quickly undressed and raced to get under the blanket. 

As she spooned into Seven’s chest, she felt the blonde smile. She wasn’t repulsed if her heart rate was any indication. Kathryn felt it racing beneath her cheek. 

Eventually the small tea candles burned out, and after a few moments of total darkness, their eyes adjusted. Seven, bathed in moon and starlight was a sight she didn’t know she needed. Her pale complexion almost seemed luminescent on its own, and Kathryn decided that she needed to witness her in every colour and shade. 

“Kathryn, there is no ceiling.”

The redhead laughed loudly in a short burst of air. She looked up to the blue eyes that she had come to love so much. 

“This was the other surprise. I wasn’t able to build a roof, but I figured we could fall asleep beneath the stars.”

Seven softly kissed Kathryn’s forehead. “It is beautiful.”

Kathryn couldn’t contain a smile. “Seven, you aren’t even looking up!”

“Exactly.”

“Charmer.”

Hours had passed. After whispering sweet nothings to each other about their hopes for their future cabin, and furniture that Seven wanted built, they had eventually drifted off to sleep. Kathryn was in the middle of a rather pleasant dream. One of a more… sensual nature featuring a certain blonde bombshell, when she felt something unusual on her face. Her dream was just getting to the good part, and she willed herself to keep dreaming. After a few more seconds, there was another similar sensation on her back. She groaned, and whether it was from frustration, or the dream itself, she couldn’t be sure.

Within a few moments, the skies seemed to conspire against them, and it began to downpour, completely soaking the sleeping women. Kathryn jumped up, confused as to what was happening and where she was. Seven took her time, and more slowly stood. 

“I am so sorry, Seven! Let’s get back to the tent,” The older woman offered.

Seven seemed almost sad. There was no salvaging the wet sleeping bags, or their clothes. Kathryn thought that she could lift the other woman’s spirits though. She grabbed Seven’s hand and ran full speed out of the door, back toward the safety of their tent. Seven’s light hearted giggles en route took Kathryn by surprise, and she couldn’t help but to glance behind her to witness the sight. 

There she was, her Seven, soaking wet, hair imperfectly perfect, with the biggest smile she had ever seen on anyone’s face, let alone the ex-Borg. The sight took her breath away. To the effect that she hadn’t noticed the slippery surface as she was still sprinting. Kathryn fell onto her back, toppling Seven as well. 

The rain picked up, but the world stood still for them. Kathryn may have been laying in literal mud, but Seven’s slick body on top of her own was far too distracting. Seven must have felt the same, because the way she was looking at Kathryn was anything but innocent. Their breaths came far too quickly to be not noticed by the other. It felt like they were wrapped in a space where time did not exist. Just the two of them, forever trying to figure out who would break and close the distance first. 

She may have been an unflappable Captain, but here, Kathryn was just a woman. A woman who had been without her soul mate for entirely too long. As she started to lean in, a clap of thunder sounded close by, causing Kathryn’s heart to beat faster. Seven bridged the gap further, and as their lips finally met, the weather applauded loudly enough to rumble the world beneath them.

Chapter Text

Chapter Fourteen

As their lips connected, the lightning illuminated their mostly naked bodies. The illumination provided, gave just enough time for their eyes to soak in a few details, before being thrown back into darkness once more. Kathryn felt the heat rolling off of Seven’s bare flesh in waves. Hands roamed, and tongues explored every corner of each other’s mouths. Seven’s normally warm metal mesh covered hand was markedly cooler due to the temperature rapidly declining, but the sensation was not unwelcomed. The contrast was uniquely Seven. She always had been such an enigma. Shocking and yet, definitely expected.

Each sharp inhale seemed to be swallowed by the sound of a fresh clap of thunder. The embrace was not delicate or sweet. It was all fire and electricity. It spoke of years of longing. It spoke of their desire to ensure that this was really happening. It spoke of their hope that the moment was in fact reality. It spoke of want so intense that it had turned into need. 

The rain impossibly came down harder between the leaves of the trees, the droplets almost stung when they met flesh  like a borderline painful baptism. It rinsed away all of their previous sins. In the rain, Kathryn found herself. For once, she was living in the present moment, surrounded by Seven. Her Seven. The one that was meant just for her.

Home. This has been what I have been missing since I got lost in the Delta Quadrant. It was never Earth… It was always being with her that I longed for.

As soon as the thought finished, Seven moved her mouth to Kathryn’s neck. In Seven typical fashion, she found the most efficient route to execute the most amount of pleasure within a mere nanosecond. The newfound knowledge was quickly being exploited, and Kathryn desperately wanted to make Seven feel the same way she did. Like her soul was on fire in the most delicious of ways. 

She wanted Seven to feel the decades of want behind her touches. She wanted to be completely transparent in her feelings toward her. She longed to shed her pips for once and for all. At least, when it came to her love for the magnificent woman who was nibbling on her collarbone. Starfleet be damned. It could all burn and she wouldn’t give it a second thought as long as she had Seven by her side.

A bolt of lightning struck incredibly close to where they lay, bringing Kathryn out of the haze, and into the reality of their situation. They were on an isolated planet, with limited supplies. Their only shelter was a glorified tarp tent, and their sleeping bags were currently soaked in the unfinished shelter they had fallen asleep in. The temperature was beginning to drop, and Kathryn’s survival instincts kicked back into gear.

“Seven,” Kathryn croaked, her voice all gravel and smoke.

The blonde groaned in response, not stopping her open mouthed kisses on her trapezius. 

“Seven, darling. We need to get back to the shelter,” Kathryn informed her. “It is getting colder and we need to stay warm.”

Seven appeared to finally notice the goosebumps that had erupted over Kathryn’s skin. 

“You are cold. I am not efficient in transferring my body heat.” She looked almost wounded, her eyebrows knitted together.

The redhead actually chuckled at that. 

“Trust me, you are doing an excellent job. I am just not lucky enough to have nanoprobes to regulate my internal temperature, and the weather isn’t exactly cooperating.”

“Once we solve the solar energy problem for the portable regenerator, getting your own nanoprobes could be arranged,” Seven said, the corners of her mouth quirking toward the sky. “I could probably make another portable regenerator if you wish.”

“Seven! Are you tapping into dark humour on me?” Kathryn replied, playfully acting shocked and astounded. Seven throughout the years had some excellent one liners, most of which would be deemed inappropriate by ‘normal’ standards. 

“Perhaps,” she replied, laughing. “Let’s go. I will build you a fire when we get back to the shelter.”

Seven helped Kathryn to her feet.

“Good luck, everything is soaked,” Kathryn yelled over another clap of thunder. “I am just glad that I had left some foliage from the bedding. That might be the only thing that saves us tonight.”

“It may save you, Kathryn. But I will persevere, and build you a fire.” Seven informed her, leading her back toward their original site. 

After Seven’s twelfth attempt to light a fire at the edge of the tent, Kathryn’s ability to not cease control was wearing thin. There were ways to light a fire with wet kindling, but sometimes, you need to know when to take a step back and conserve energy. She could offer a bit of the bedding, but it would be a very calculated risk. Almost everything was waterlogged, and there was little anyone could do without the proper equipment. Without proper insulation, Kathryn would surely freeze overnight. Would she survive? If the temperature leveled out where it was yes, but a few fingers and toes might not. She was just grateful that their run back to the tarp tent had provided enough time for the rain to wash the mud off of her back.

 Seven had spent well over an hour attempting to get the kindling to catch. She was not great at knowing when to quit, often hammering away at a problem to her own detriment. Not that Kathryn could talk… she was very much the same way herself. 

We are far too similar for our own good at times.

Kathryn’s teeth began to chatter. She didn’t often feel embarrassed about being human, but this instance, she felt it intensely. Seven stopped her attempts, and crawled back toward Kathryn. 

“I have failed. I must provide you with warmth immediately.” 

“It-it’s al-alright, Se-Seven.” Kathryn couldn’t contain the shivers any longer, despite her best efforts. The foliage was definitely insufficient at maintaining her body heat, especially being half-naked with soaked underwear.

It had to be ten degrees Celsius by now, and she knew that if it continued to plummet, she would have a very bad evening. All of their clothing was at the other site sitting in soaking bags, and she couldn’t help but to curse herself for her oversight. Putting all of their dry clothing in an uncovered location was not smart. Romantic? At the time, yes. But smart? Definitely not. 

“I-I should ha-have checked the we-weather bef-ore we left,” she joked.

Seven did not appear amused. 

“It would have been more helpful had I not dawdled, and gotten the solar panels working sooner. We could have run scans.”

Seven rubbed her non-implanted hand quickly over each of Kathryn’s arms, creating a bit of heat from the friction. 

“It-it’s not your fa-fault.”

“Shh, you need to get out of these wet clothes,” Seven replied, running a fingertip over Kathryn’s bra strap.

“Thi-this isn’t ex-exactly what I ha-had in mind when I pic-pictured you seeing me na-naked for the first ti-time.” Kathryn stammered, blushing fiercely.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, Kathryn.” Seven’s face was incredibly schooled. She had made so much progress on being more open with Kathryn in regard to her emotions, but this time, Kathryn couldn’t decide if she was being serious, or secretly excited. 

Seven reached around Kathryn’s body to unclasp her bra. As the material left her body, she began to tremble harder. Whether it was from the cold air on her now exposed breasts, or the fact that Seven wasn’t even attempting to sneak a peek, she was unsure. 

Gorgeous and a gentlewoman? Fuck, I am in trouble.

Seven removed her own sports bra, and Kathryn proved to show less restraint than Seven had. She couldn’t help but to glance down at her perfect breasts while Seven was pulling the material over her head. As her attention snapped back to Seven’s eyes, she noticed a small smile, indicating that Seven had indeed caught her in the act.

Shit! This isn’t off to a great start now is it? Dirty old Captain can’t help but sneak a peek at the first opportunity. 

Kathryn blushed, suddenly quite shy despite their earlier explorations of each other. She was acutely aware of their age difference. Not that it had mattered in reverse when Seven of Nine had time traveled and had come to a younger version of her, but this time, she was the one wearing the slightly looser skin, and fine lines. She covered her own chest with her arms, shielding herself from Seven’s view. She may not have attempted to look, but it made her feel better, and it was easy enough to pretend that she was just cold.

Almost as if sensing Kathryn’s thoughts, Seven said, “You are perfect. My only priority tonight is to provide you with warmth. I do not wish our first time together to be out of fear of hypothermia if I can help it.” 

Kathryn had felt mildly relieved. She definitely wanted to be intimate with Seven, but with the emotional heaviness since their crash landing, combined with her major fuck up here, she agreed that now was not the time.

“Tha-nk you,” she whispered, still embarrassed by her inability to speak a simple sentence.

“I would, however,” Seven cut herself off, to tuck a wet strand of hair behind Kathryn’s ear, “like to continue to raise your temperature through making you aroused. It has been proven to increase body temperature and blood flow.”

The redhead visibly gulped. She didn’t know how much ‘arousal’ she would be able to handle without escalating. It had been quite a long time since she had been in such a state, after all. 

“Lay with me,” Seven offered. Her tone was gentle yet firm. 

Kathryn knew that resistance was indeed futile, and laid in her usual spot as Seven covered her from chest to toes with the foliage. Seven was careful and calculated in her explorations of the exposed parts of Kathryn. As usual in everything she did, she was a quick study.

Kathryn was in for one long night.

Chapter Text

Chapter Fifteen

Kathryn felt Seven’s heart rapidly pounding beneath her palm. At first she thought it was her pulse hammering away, until she felt her own in her jugular when Seven’s gaze met her own. The tempo reminded her of a metronome set too quickly for her delicate fingers to keep time with in back in high school band class. With her hand and her thigh pinning Seven in place, they had become impossibly close. Every breath Seven took, Kathryn felt in every cell of her body. Vibrating in a way that science just couldn’t quite explain. For once, she didn’t care. 

Seven’s blue eyes now more closely resembled the void they had once found themselves lost in. Endlessly dark, and mysterious, yet they were open wide.  Was it arousal or surprise that she saw reflected in their expression? She couldn’t be sure. All Kathryn knew was that it didn’t matter. Seven had never looked more beautiful than she did in that moment. She was captivated by the way Seven’s breath danced across her face in short gasps. She was stunning with her full lips slightly parted. As if she too couldn’t believe the turn of events.

Seven pulled her out of the moment by whispering, “Kathryn, we-”

She immediately covered Seven’s mouth with her free hand, and pushed more of her weight into every part of them that was touching.

No, not right now Seven, she pleaded through her eyes alone. For once, please just trust me. 

There was a snap of a twig, not far away. Seven did not have the experience she had. She did not know yet, what she did not know. They were not alone in the woods as they had once thought. Was it their homing beacon that called them? Were they on this planet the whole time, and they had simply been blissfully unaware? She found out the hard way the day before. And despite Kathryn’s warning, Seven obviously did not agree on their best course of action. She tended to lean toward her Borg enhanced strength and reflexes. Relying too heavily on her nanoprobes to fix anything that might not go her way. Kathryn knew in her bones that would be a vital mistake in this situation.

Seven had offered to go with her back to the other shuttle. The one that they had abandoned what had felt like a lifetime ago, but had actually only been a matter of days. Kathryn had stupidly refused thinking that Seven just wanted to be close to her after their evening spent trying to stay warm. She too wanted that, however she did not wish to get caught in a storm again with no heads up.

Her own excuse, while sound at the time, seemed weak to her now. They needed the solar energy up and running, and Seven had proven to be quicker working alone than with her ‘assistance’. She had practically begged Seven to work while she went back to the shuttle for more supplies. At least dry, fresh clothing, sleeping bags, and hopefully a few more ration packs would be a worthy pursuit. She didn’t want to leave her. But she thought that they would be better off focusing on their own tasks to meet the common goal of preparing for colder weather. 

If only I had known. I never would have went back for a single thread, I would have forgotten the homing beacons. I would do it all differently. I would have told her sooner. I wouldn’t have let her get to the point she would have even thought about fleeing Earth. 

Seven crinkled the space between her eyebrows causing a faint line. One Kathryn knew would be more prominent in her future if Kathryn didn’t find a way to get them off this fucking planet, and back home: where they could hide away in Indiana on her mother’s farm, far away from Starfleet, and space, and whatever the fuck that… thing is.

The day before… she had followed the path they had taken. The brush was fairly cleared in most areas where she had used the axe to make Seven’s journey easier. She was uncomfortable in soggy clothes, but the thought of getting snagged by thorns and who knows what else on her tender, bare flesh was enough to banish the idea of foregoing the clothing for her adventure.

She had collected as much as she could physically  carry from their earlier supply replications. Only, she wanted to try to move the homing beacons closer to their site before she made her way back to camp. Back to her. The field was too vast, and the beacons too heavy with the rest of her gear. She had made too much noise. If she would have been able to get them closer to the edge of the forest, surely anyone coming to their aid would notice the trail of ribbon that would lead right to them, she had thought.

How naive she had been. 

She heard them before she saw them. The clicks and whistles that she had faintly remembered in the edge of her subconscious. There was a whisper of these noises that she could not recollect, but she felt a prickle of dread all the same.

She had the good sense to hide. To not make a noise until she was absolutely certain that the coast was clear. Until she could remember, she would not risk Seven’s life by leading whatever it was back to her. Kathryn could only hope that by the time she would be able to make it back to camp that Seven would have made enough progress that they could find a way to at least recharge the tricorders and phasers. Just in case there was hope.

Why can’t I remember?

She caught a glimpse of one. Large, green and black. Not like the Borg, no. Not at all. They looked ill. Like if they shared the same air that she too would become infected, and be forced to crawl on all fours. Watching. Waiting. Sickly green, and black horrendous, oozing open wounds scarring her body for the rest of eternity. Only these creatures were never human, not even close. She had a feeling this is just what they were. Large, horrendous.. alien species? Alien wildlife? She didn’t know. 

They had gotten quite close to her— Whatever they were— close enough that she noticed they had long wisps of hair spotted over their bodies. She could hear their clicking and whistling reverberating in her ears. She had held her breath to the point of seeing spots. She would surely pass out if something didn’t give. 

Please let something give. 

If she were to be captured, Seven would be alone. Seven couldn’t start a fire in the rain. Seven couldn’t take on Starfleet on her own. She would be alone. She needed to stay safe. For her.

She watched in horror as one noticed the other. Almost as if the movement of one was felt by those wisps of hair. A full scale attack was launched between them. Each battling as if their very lives depended on it.

Can’t they tell? That they are attacking their own kind? Are they blind? Or do they not care?  

The bodies flipped and turned over each other. Clawing and biting without any recognition. With every ounce of her will she could muster, she crawled deeper into the canopy of the forest. 

Her father had taught her as a young child how to move through the brush without being heard or seen. Once again, she firmly believed that his lessons were saving her life. She made a silent vow  to remember to thank him the next time he visited her in her dreams. 

She needed to get back to Seven. 

Now, here they were… roughly twenty-four hours later at Seven’s insistence, back at the edge of the clearing. Surrounded by clicks and whistles, and she still could not remember.  

She was a scientist. She believed in evidence. Seven was not familiar with the species. Their tricorders came up blank. And even still, when Seven reached for her phaser, Kathryn knew in her bones that she had to stop her. She knew that to be heard was to die. To move a muscle Around one, would lead much to the same. 

Was it fear in Seven’s eyes? Or was it their proximity? Was it the panic induced thigh that ended up between her legs to keep her still? Was it the hand between her breasts that felt every single heartbeat as if it were her own? She couldn’t be sure. Any more than she could be about the creatures. But she had a feeling that for once, Seven was scared, which terrified her more than she would allow herself to admit. 

 She was beautiful then. And while she was terrified, if she was going to die, this sure was one hell of a way to go. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Sixteen

It felt like a lifetime. Kathryn still held steady, pressing Seven firmly against a tree. They came close. Those creatures who were seeming to stalk them, creeping closer and closer. Something drawing them to their exact location. She smelled them before she saw them. A horrible kind of rot that made her want to gag. 

Kathryn locked eyes with Seven, silently urging her to follow her lead. She took a long, quiet inhale through her nose, being sure to fill her lungs as much as she could despite the stench. Seven did the same. 

They closed their eyes, surrendering to the theory that the creatures were blind, but sensitive to movement and sound. 

Kathryn’s legs were screaming. Internally her mind was as well. It was incredibly difficult to refrain from sneaking even the smallest peek to remain aware of her surroundings. The Captain in her typical fashion, not wanting to let go of control protested every nanosecond. Worse than that, being unsure if she was going to die, and to not be spending every moment she could staring into Seven’s eyes.

The clicks and whistles from one creature sounded incredibly close. Probably within two meters if she had to guess. If there would be a way to quiet the thumping in her chest, she would do that too. Her lungs burned, and she knew that she would surely lose consciousness sooner than later. 

How the fuck are we going to get out of this mess? How could I have been so stupid?

There was always a chance that another of the putrid monsters would come along and take this one out like the last time she saw them. She didn’t even dare to send a silent prayer in fear that this was some kind of karma and she would pay by watching Seven die. 

Thump, thump. Two.

She felt those disgusting long hairs brush against her shoulder and calf as it moved past her. Every cell in her body wanted to recoil away from the sensation, but somehow she was able to refrain. Instead she counted the beats underneath her hand. The one thing tethering her into staying calm.

Just when she was convinced that she wouldn’t be able to hold her breath any longer, she felt a metal finger pressing into her lower back in a certain rhythm that couldn’t be considered random. Her morse code training pulled at the strings of her memory, and she began deciphering the subtle indentations in her flesh for their hidden meaning. 

Breathe. Quiet. 

Thump, thump. Four. 

She slowly let the air escape her lungs. Controlling the flow as if their lives depended on it. Because it most likely did. 

Thump, thump. Six.

The acrid stench had become slightly less, but she felt bile creep into her esophagus anyway. The clicking and whistles moved further away with each passing second. She still did not dare to open her eyes, or chance a second breath. 

Thump, thump. Eight.

The communication began again on her skin. 

Slow. Move. Quiet.

Thump, thump. Ten.

Her eyes slowly opened. She didn’t dare move anything else for a few moments. Seven’s eyes held some sort of emotion she didn’t think she had ever seen before. It was more than fear, or a simple apology. Seven nodded, as she pressed further instructions into her skin. 

Slow. Move. Camp. Now. 

Kathryn went to step backward, but was firmly held in place. The blonde guided her to the side, casting her eyes toward a twig that definitely would have blown their cover had she stepped on it. She let out a slow and shaky breath. The anxiety had only increased despite the distance between them and the creatures. She needed to protect Seven. They had to leave this fucking planet. ASAP.

Thump, thump. Twelve. 

She pressed her own message to Seven into her sternum. 

Go. Now. Escape. Meet at camp. 

Thump, thump, thump, thump. Sixteen. 

Seven’s heart was going too quickly, her expression had contorted. Her lips parted, and Kathryn knew she was going to protest. She quickly replied through firm and rapid touches. 

Homing beacon. Need help. Go. Please. Comply. 

Thump, thump, thump, thump. Twenty. 

She begged Seven to go. Not just with her touches, but through her expression. It wasn’t a command glare. No, not this time. She knew that would be a sure fire way to get Seven to do the opposite. This time she went with complete transparency. She showed her the fear that held her in its clutches. She showed her the determination to see her plan through. But most of all she tried to show her how much she loved her. Because if something were to happen en route, she knew she would regret not being able to say the words aloud. 

Seven pressed her lips to Kathryn’s ear. 

“You were right. They cannot see us. The hair detects movement and I suspect vibrations,” Seven whispered so quietly that Kathryn had to strain to pick up every word. 

Thump, thump, thump, thump. Twenty-four. 

“I love you,” she added, before quickly running toward the homing beacon’s last location.

Kathryn stood stunned. Seven was gone. Her heartbeat, which had been an anchor, was ripped away from her, and she didn’t know what to do. Logically she knew that Seven was more capable of staying hidden from the creatures. Of defending herself. She had a better chance of survival, but everything in Kathryn told her to go after her. Her inability to hold her breath, or see without needing to blink were huge obstacles that would make even catching up to Seven next to impossible. 

She strained her ears to pick up any sign of trouble, but the only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat in her ears. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Seventeen:

Her lungs protested. Her legs throbbed. She was fast, but they were faster. Kathryn heard them coming after her from the moment she started to run. Each time she moved a limb, she heard the creatures take at least three quick, yet somehow clumsy footsteps. They were crashing through limbs of the trees, yet somehow, still closing in on her.

She hadn’t explored this route before. After Seven had left her alone and speechless, the only thing she could think to do was to make as much noise as she could to ensure Seven’s safety. She decided to go in the complete opposite direction of their camp and the location Seven took off toward. It was a risky move. If she were to somehow survive, she was in completely unknown territory with minimal battery on her tricorder to assist her to find her way back. There was no time to tie ribbons. She needed to move. She needed to yell. She needed to get those disgusting things away from her love. 

“What are you waiting for, shit face? Come and get me!” It was more breathless than she would have liked, but the still impressive volume did seem to piss them off if the increase in chattering was any indication. 

 Shit face? You couldn’t come up with anything better? 

The last time she had glanced over her shoulder, she had counted four that were coming from different directions. Kathryn didn’t want to risk taking another look and losing more ground. She was almost positive that she could hear clicking up ahead though, which could mean trouble could come more quickly than she may have wanted to anticipate.

Two seemed to be trailing behind. The sound of them attacking each other was one that she remembered all too well. Horrible screeching and yelps attracting god knows what else to their location. 

Two down, possibly three to go. Hopefully the others will join them. 

If she timed it just right, she might be able to have the three that she knew remained, fight each other to the death. She could only hope. She had no idea how many there were on the planet. Whether they were already there, or if their crash had attracted them,she wasn’t sure. Kathryn still felt a pull of familiarity that she could not quite place. It was unsettling. Like something had erased her memories. 

Branches whipped her bare arms and face as she continued to race through the dense forest. Her feet seemed to find purchase with each stride almost as if she had spent her whole life navigating through tough terrain rather than spending most of it in space.

Seven is going to kill me when she sees these scrapes… IF she sees them that is.

The thought of not seeing Seven again made her feet move faster. She was given a second wind that just might get her through the chaos around her. So much so, that when one of the creatures appeared before her, she didn’t have time to slow down. She slid beneath its horrible legs, the moist roughage cushioning her fall and helping her slide just a bit further. The feeling of those wisps of hair brushing her skin made her want to scream. If she did, she wasn’t aware of it. The only thing she was cognizant of was the feeling of thorns digging into her back, her heart trying to escape her chest, and the desire to never feel those coarse hairs on her bare flesh ever again.  

It stomped its ugly feet trying to pin her to the ground, and somehow each one missed her by mere millimeters. She fumbled briefly trying to get up, and it awarded her nemesis just enough time to whip around and slash through her back. She screamed. This time there was no question, she felt her throat constrict in protest. There was a pulse of what she could only describe as poison rushing through her body. It was all fire in her veins and intense pain she had not experienced before. Almost as if her bones and joints were turning to glass, and each step she took felt like they were shattering and splintering into not yet affected soft tissues.

Somehow she kept moving. Kept running as if doing so would save Seven’s life. She grit her teeth to control the volume of her agonizing screams. Any hope she had of making it out of this neck of the woods alive were quickly dwindling. Her pace with her poisoned wound was unsustainable. The edges of her vision had begun to blur. 

Seven, I am sorry. 

Kathryn fell to her knees as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

Please, be safe. 

The world grew dark.