Archive of Our Own ^beta

[adding the cover art of the whole fic series here]

“This...this…isn’t right…”

Two looked around in utter confusion. Where was everything? The hills, the hotel, the forest…They couldn’t see anything but an endless expanse of grass for miles around.

Four hopped out of the portal beside them, with a dismissive snort. “Why did you drag me into this? There’s nothing here!” He hissed.

“There…should be a lot here.” Two said, a sinking feeling of dread forming within them. Finally, they spotted movement.

“There he is!” The green numeral ran forward. “MePhone!”

Their friend and fellow host was being dragged along by a very unfriendly-looking corn cob. Two’s heart sank even further when they drew close enough to see MePhone’s facial expression. The robot looked…utterly hopeless, and traumatized.

“Where is everyone? What happened?”

MePhone didn’t answer, but the corn turned and looked at Two scornfully. “Who…and WHAT are you?” He said.

“I could ask you the same thing! What are you doing with my friend? What the function happened here?”

“…They’re all gone…” MePhone whispered. “…Everything’s gone…”

“Quiet. Let’s go.” The corn continued dragging MePhone along roughly, and Two could tell that something was definitely not right.

Two stepped in front of the pair, blocking the way. They glared at the corn cob distrustfully. “I don’t know who you are, but I can tell MePhone doesn’t want to go wherever you’re trying to take him. Let go of my friend, now.”

“And why should I listen to you?” The corn scoffed.

Two thought for a moment, and then had an idea. “Hey, Four! This corn guy says BFB is trash!”

“He WHAT?” Four snarled.

“What the heck is a BFB?” The corn remarked, and then shouted in alarm as Four practically pounced on him, bristling with rage.

“HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY SHOW!”

Two took the opportunity to grab MePhone and teleport back to Goiky. MePhone made no effort to resist, though he did lean weakly against Two and let out a muffled sob.

“…Listen, buddy, I don’t know what happened but I PROMISE I’ll find a way to fix it…” Two said, leading MePhone towards their own hotel. “Things are gonna be okay…”

“Two’s back.” Golf Ball observed, peering out the window of the hotel room that she was now sharing with Tennis Ball. “Looks like something bad happened wherever they went…they look distressed.”

She squinted. “I swear I’ve seen that phone somewhere.”

“Phone?” Tennis Ball said, glancing over her.

On the bottom floor of the Hotel, X ran out of the kitchen as soon as they spotted Two. “Where’s Four?” They asked, looking worried. “Is he okay?”

“Four’s fine, he’s currently mauling a corn cob.” Two said. “Can you get my friend here some cookies, please?”

X looked at MePhone, who looked back at them blankly. “Is he okay? He doesn’t look too good…”

“He’s…not okay, no.” Two said. “He needs help but right now I don’t think he’s up for talking…I figure that maybe something to eat and a cozy spot to calm down might help him feel a tiny bit better.”

Two led MePhone over to one of the empty rooms on the first floor. The room was small, with a comfy chair in one corner and a bed with a soft blue quilt on it. A TV set hung from the adjacent wall, and between that and the door was a small kitchenette.

MePhone silently sat down in the chair as Two walked over to a closet and took out some more blankets, wrapping one of them around their despondent friend. “Do you want the curtains open or not?” Two asked quietly.

“…Open is fine…”

“Okay.”

The door creaked open and Two looked up to see Gaty peering in.

“What’s going on?” she asked, her voice tinged with worry. “I asked X and they said you came back with someone…” She spotted MePhone huddled up on the chair. “Oh, hello there! What’s your name?”

“Gaty, this is MePhone. He’s…something awful happened to him today and I don’t know exactly WHAT it was, but I know he needs our help.” Two’s antennae were flat against their head, a sure sign that they were not in a happy mood. “I…need you to tell everyone that TPOT is on hold until further notice.” They said.

“I understand…I’ll go tell the other contestants.” She said with a nod.

Eventually, X knocked on the door and passed a plate of chocolate chip cookies over to Two, who offered them to MePhone. He simply stared blankly at the cookies.

“Come on, MePhone, eat something, you love these…don’t you?”

The phone blinked dimly and then turned away, tears welling up in his eyes as he stared at the wall.

“…nothing I love stays…”

“…it’s all gone…they’re all…gone…”

“…Who’s all gone, MePhone?”

“…Everyone…all the contestants…they were deleted and I can’t…I can’t bring them back…”

“…It’s all my fault…I should never have come back to Season Two, then maybe…”

He sniffled again.

“Maybe they’d all still be alive…”

“…” Two was confused, but they had an idea of what might help.

“Can you…give me a list of all your contestants, please.”

About an hour later, Four was busy picking bits of corn out of his claws. He’d gone easy on the bespectacled vegetable, letting him escape after a vicious mauling, only because today he was in a relatively good mood. Of course, Two came along and soured his mood once again.

“Ugh…what do you want now?” Four growled.

“I need you to do another favor for me…I’d do it myself but I’m not powerful enough.”

Four narrowed his eyes, immediately suspicious. “…What sort of favor?”

“I need you to recover these people.” Two handed Four a list.

“…”

Four looked at the list, and then at Two. He furrowed his brows in annoyance and sighed.

“…Fine…I’ll do it, but you owe me big time for this.”

“And you have to do it where MePhone can see you.”

“Yeah, whatever…you’re lucky I’m in a good mood right now.” Four muttered.

Two brought both Four and MePhone outside, over to an open, flat patch of land. MePhone was still looking at the ground, his expression distraught.

“Okay Four, do your thing.”

“You didn’t say the magic word.”

Two gave Four an exasperated look and sighed. “Ugh, fine. Please.”

Four reached out across the void of the multiverse until he found what he was looking for. Something seemed off, though.

“They’re inside a computer…If I take them out, they won’t be able to go back in.”

MePhone perked up a little at this. “That’s great! They won’t be deletable anymore after that, right?”

“…Okay then…” Four said, shrugging. “Here goes nothing.”

They began to pull on the soul of the object in question, wrenching it from its digital prison. A ball of matter began to form in Four’s outstretched claw, and that ball of matter took on the shape of the object in question. The soul connected with its new body, and the object- Suitcase- flopped down onto the floor in front of Four, dazed and confused but very much alive. All of this took place in a fraction of a second.

Suitcase stood up, blinking in confusion. “What the…where am I…” She stopped and stared at MePhone, her expression unreadable. He stared back at her, his eyes wide and brimming with tears.

“…Why did…everything disappear? What happened up there?” He finally said, his voice a strangled and quivering whisper.

“Knife and I distracted Cobs so that Toilet could unplug the MeLife…he was so desperate to impress you in some way that he…”

A painful sob from MePhone cut her off. “It was that bad?”

“What was? The show?” Suitcase asked.

“Existing…everything…”

“…No, no, MePhone, listen, it wasn’t like that- “

“I’M SORRY!” He wailed, falling to his knees and breaking down in tears completely. “I’M SO SORRY!”

He trailed off into incoherent bawling as Four gave Two a befuddled look.

“If I had just…done something sooner…. I’m such a coward…and now everyone’s gone and it’s all my fault…”

“…Four…” Two said. “Keep going. Make sure you bring all of them back.”

“I’ll go make sure we didn’t leave anyone behind.”

One by one, each (former) contestant of II was brought back, even the ones that had already been dead for quite a while. All re-entered the world of the living in some state of distress, but eventually, once they understood they were safe, they began to take stock of one another.

MePhone stood and watched as the panic and confusion gave way to tearful and relieved reunions. Eventually, Two returned as well, with MePad, Bot, Toilet, and Baxter in tow.

Unfortunately, the relief this brought was short-lived, as soon, most of the contestants turned and looked at MePhone, either questioningly or angrily.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Why did you make us like this?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

Thinking quickly, Two took the opportunity to defuse the situation while it was still available. “Everyone, QUIET!”

The clamoring stopped, and all eyes turned towards Two [except for Four, who had left].

“I know you all have a lot of questions, and believe me, so do I.” They said. “But those questions are gonna have to wait, because MePhone is in no condition to be answering anything right now. He just underwent a very traumatic experience just like all of you did.”

“He just watched all of you DIE.”

“Give him time, you’ll get your answers eventually, but not now. Right now, I suggest you all head over to that building over there. It’s a hotel, with plenty of rooms available.”

Reluctantly, one by one everybody turned and headed towards the large gray building that loomed nearby, leaving Two and MePhone behind.

“I should tell them…they deserve to know…” MePhone stammered.

“You can tell them on another day, when you’re feeling better.” Two said, placing a claw on the phone’s shoulder. “You’ve had a rough day today. And while I might not know what happened, I do know you were hurt.”

The two hosts stood there for a moment in silence. “What…should I do now? I can’t go back there...”

“Well…maybe when you’re feeling up to it…you could co-host TPOT with me, if you want.” Two offered. “You wouldn’t have to do much, just read out votes and help me hand out prizes and plan out challenges.”

“I’ll think about it…but…why did you save me, anyways? And how did you even know I needed help?”

“It was…weird.” Two explained. “I heard…a scream, I guess. It sounded like it came from your universe somehow, and I just…knew that something bad was happening.”

“I didn’t know how bad it would be, so just to be safe I brought Four along…but he’s stubborn and…honestly doesn’t like me very much…so it took a while to convince him. I’m sorry I didn’t show up sooner.”

“That’s okay, but…that still doesn’t explain why you showed up at all.”

“Well, that was because you’re my friend, MePhone.”

“…I’m your friend?”

“Yeah, of course you are.” Two said, surprised. “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just…nothing, never mind…”

The rest of that evening was a quiet (if confusing) one, as all the newcomers got settled and began to process what they had experienced.

Two checked in on MePhone after most of the others had gone to bed, peering in through the doorway to check on the robot, who was currently lying splayed out on the bed in an almost comical fashion.

“MePhone?” Two asked quietly. “How’re you feeling right now, buddy?”

“Comfy…” the phone responded. “I haven’t slept in an actual bed in forever…”

“Where did you usually sleep?”

“In a cave.”

“A cave?” Two was rather shocked by this.

“It’s a long, painful story.”

“…Well, if it’s a painful one, then it can wait for a better day. I think you’ve dealt with more than your fair share of pain today.”

Two gently shut the door.

Blue orbs of light drifted off towards the ceiling of the room as MePhone fell asleep. Today had been an absolute nightmare, far worse than anything he’d ever feared would happen. But tomorrow would be at least a tiny bit better.

And, hopefully, he would never have to deal with Cobs again.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, that would not be the case…

Cobs staggered back to his office, having only barely managed to escape back to the MeCloud from the…creature that had attacked him. He was missing half of his kernels and his glasses were broken beyond repair. And, most of all, he was fuming.

Right when MePhone surely had no chance of escape…of course something had to get in the way.

“I swear, whatever those things were, they’re going to regret getting in my way…” He muttered as he sat back down at his desk.

“I might be able to help with that.” A new and unfamiliar voice said, as a one-shaped shadow fell across the room.